YALE UNIVERSITY
LIBRARY

THE
COLLEGE OF MISSIONS LIBRARY
at the
YALE DIVINITY SCHOOL

WITH CHRIST AT SEA

^f ith Christ at Sea
a Religious Autobiography
By Frank T. Bullen Author of
'The Cruise of the Cachalot,' etc.

LONDON : HODDER AND
STOUGHTON X X 27
PATERNOSTER ROW : MCM

TO THE MOST NOBLE
MARQUIS OF NORTHAMPTON
MY FRIEND
IN ADMIRATION OF HIS COMMONSENSE CHRISTIANITY
THIS LITTLE BOOK
IS GRATEFULLY DEDICATED
BY FRANK T. BULLEN

PREFACE
It may be objected by many who read these lines,
that there is a great deal too much of the Ego in
them. If so, I can assure the objectors that I
sympathise with them deeply. That is my feeling
. exactly. Yet, when you come to think of it,
apart from the fact that I was requested to put
my experiences of religious life at sea in this
personal form, there really seems to have been no
help for it, unless I had set up a fictitious person
age and given him my real experiences. This
would have been pleasanter for me, no doubt ;
would have saved me from many sarcastic
remarks, &c. ; but it would, I fear, have defeated
the object for which I was asked to write.
I confess I am hopeful about the future of this
little book, more so than the circumstances would
warrant perhaps, certainly much more so than I
have ever been before with my other works. And
for this reason. Works of religious fiction abound ;

viii WITH CHRIST AT SEA
they are popular, in many instances deservedly so ;
but — they are felt to be fiction, and are not
accepted as real pictures of everyday life. In this
regard, I have tried, with what ability and experi
ence I have been able to gather, to give a plain
real picture of religious life at sea. I feel deeply
that my picture is imperfect, very imperfect ; for
who can turn his own heart inside out for his
fellow-men's inspection without being suspected of
posing, insincerity, or some such striving after
effect, much less rightly appraise the motives and
actions of his shipmates ?
But one can at least try to be simple, truthful,
and direct ; one can refuse to be ashamed to own
himself a friend of Jesus Christ, or to avow himself
a firm believer in the efficacy of prayer for
amelioration of all the ills of life.
Lastly, it will be noticed that names and dates
are given most sparingly, grudgingly. The reason
for this is, I think, obvious. I do not fear libel
actions, but I do dread giving unnecessary pain.
F. T. B.
Malta : September 1900.

CONTENTS

CHAP. PAGE
I. INTRODUCTORY  I

II. RELIGIOUS LIFE IN THE FO'CSLE . . . . 21
III. GODLESS DAYS  43
iv. godless days (continued)  65
V. THE DAWN  85
VI. NEW SAILING ORDERS  I06

x WITH CHRIST AT SEA
CHAP. PAGE
VII. HALCYON DAYS  126

VIII. TESTING TIME COMES .... . 146

IX. HALTING ON THE UPWARD WAY . . .167

X. A LONG-FELT WANT SUPPLIED . .188

XI. A DIP INTO TARTARUS  209

XII. MOUNTAIN AND VALLEY . . . . 23 1

XIII. A STEADY SET-BACK  252

XIV. AN APPALLING VOYAGE  27 1

XV. AND LAST  293

CHAPTER I
INTRODUCTORY
WITH the most hearty desire to plunge forthwith
into the heart of my subject I am compelled to
admit the necessity of a few preliminary remarks.
For otherwise the question would at once arise,
' Under what influences did this man fall at that
most plastic time of life when the young mind first
awakens ? ' All readers who take an interest in that
most important of all subjects, the rise and progress
of godliness in the human" soul, are properly most
curious to know when, where, and how it was that
any particular soul under discussion first began to
feel the craving after God. To say that no two of
such cases are exactly similar would be to utter
an obvious platitude, and yet there are vast numbers
of otherwise intelligent people who believe in
machine-made Christians. Therefore it seems well
B

2 WITH CHRIST AT SEA
to remind them that there can be no such thing as a
mechanical Christian, using the name in its reason
able sense. Mechanical religionists there are in
abundance, but the very essence of Christianity
is its spirituality as distinguished from mere
mechanism. In my own case, my earliest recollections of
religion are indissolubly bound up with three
things : First of all being taught by my aunt, who
brought me up from infancy to the age of eight
and a half years, to kneel at my bedside and say
my prayers ; next, at the age of four, my surrep
titious reading of ' Paradise Lost ' ; and, lastly,
regular attendance at the Lock Chapel in the
Harrow Road, where, at a ludicrously early age, I
became one of the choir on its first institution.
Now of these three early memories the first
requires no comment, yet I dare to say that it was
the most important of all. An early acquiring of
the habit of prayer, even though it be only formal,
must be one of the greatest benefits that a human
being can receive. And where, as in my own case,
it is accompanied by an earnest endeavour on the
part of the teacher to make the young mind grasp
the mighty fact of the existence of a Friend able

INTRODUCTORY 3
to do anything for the asker, and never more
pleased than when being asked confidently for
favours quite outside of any human power to grant,
its value as a factor in true life is quite beyond
estimate. But my dear aunt was, although
intensely Evangelical, a rigid formalist. To her
mind the fear of God was of more importance than
the love of God. He, the Almighty One, was not
to be approached familiarly. Set forms and atti
tudes were as necessary as unwavering faith in
order that prayers should be heard, and, although
this was more implied than expressed, answer to
prayer was quite a minor consideration. The great
thing was the saying of prayers, the repetition of
certain words got by heart, in a reverent and
orderly way. He must not be troubled with
requests for such temporal matters as payment
of the rent when work was slack, or helping over
a difficult task, whether lesson or work. ' Grace '
was what He must always be petitioned for (and I
did not know what grace was for many years after),
and we must always remember that if it were not
for Gentle Jesus coming between us and God we
should not only never be heard, but, for our sins,
we should be punished with such terrible things

4 WITH CHRIST AT SEA
that they could be only summed up in one
comprehensive word — hell.
How is it that I remember all these points so
clearly ? I do not know. I am aware that the
child's memory is normally of wonderful tenacity,
but there may have been another sufficient reason.
My aunt was an old maid. And she had an
intense horror of the foulness of the streets. So,
although we were very poor, I was never allowed
' out to play.' Fortunately we had a large garden
attached to the little house in Desboro' Terrace
(now Marlborough Street), Harrow Road, where
all my early years were spent, so that my health
never suffered from close confinement, but I grew
up with a habit of providing my own company,
holding long conversations with myself aloud. And
since the principal things of interest in my life
were more or less connected with religion, that
subject was almost always the theme of my solitary
discussions. So I suppose it became inevitable
that all I heard upon the subject should be stamped
ineffaceably upon my memory. So much so that
even to-day at any moment I can reproduce for
myself a mental picture of my aunt, with spectacles
on, solemnly reading her big Bible in our prim

INTRODUCTORY 5
little parlour with its horsehair-covered chairs, the
old mahogany loo-table with a curiously irregular
split running right across it, into which I used to
drop pins and wonder where they had gone, and
the faded Brussels carpet, threadbare in places,
pervading the whole floor. I say pervading, for
once I remember it being taken up. I came
suddenly into the room ignorant of what had
happened, and was horrified ; the place was foreign,
its very atmosphere was changed.
I used to sit facing her, my short legs dangling,
for those chairs had no rails in front, and holding
myself from slipping off the glassy seat by hook
ing my elbows on the table. This made it
natural for me to press my palms against my
ears, and thus I discovered that I could at will
produce a variety of tone in the somewhat
monotonous reading without committing the
offence of fidgeting. An almost imperceptible
movement of my hands allowed the sound to pour
in, or to be shut out of, my ears, and this simple
feat gave me very much satisfaction.
I did not like the Bible. I cannot remember
at that time ever reading it for choice. That is
easy to understand. Bible reading was a task

6 WITH CHRIST AT SEA
that must be performed. Not to read so many
verses every day, with treble or four times the
quantity on Sunday, was to offend God greatly.
Understanding what one read was desirable, of
course, but not necessary — the great thing was to
read. Therefore I took no interest in the Bible
for a long time. I read it aloud. I stumbled
over the Prayer Book version of the Psalms
(which we always read in those days at the Lock
Chapel turn-about with the minister), and was
glad when the reading was done. Then there
came a summer when, finding the mornings
interminably long in bed, I took to climbing out
and hunting for something to read.
I was always put to bed at seven, but as my
aunt did not go to bed till midnight, getting up
again was quite another thing. She, poor woman,
was so tired with her dressmaking that her usual
hour for rising was half-past eight or nine, and as
until she got up I was also compelled to remain
in bed, the time from four o'clock A.M. or there
abouts hung very heavy. On the mantelpiece
there were a few books, of which I only remember
a New Testament, somebody's advice to young
servants, a cookery book, and a small copy of

INTRODUCTORY 7
' Paradise Lost.' The two latter I used to take
into bed with me as silently as possible, for fear
of disturbing my aunt, with whom I slept, and
read. But the cookery book soon lost its interest,
while the poem, in spite of its long, hard words, of
its blank verse, and of its deep learning, fascinated,
enthralled me. Let no one ever tell me again of
such and such a book being beyond or above a
child. Only let it be a good book, and you may
safely leave it to the child's discretion, fancy,
imagination, what you will. My recollections of
the glamour that wonderful poem cast over me are
almost poignantly pleasurable. It was all so real
to me. I never for one instant doubted the abso
lute truthfulness of any part of the story, and I
well remember how, after reading that part where
Milton speaks of the Almighty hanging out in
heaven His golden scales to decide whether the
celestial armies should part or fight, that I went
about softly, imagining the awful conflict impending
in the air, and the mighty hand of God balancing
the issues. I do verily believe that early devour
ing of Milton has tinged my whole life.
Presently came Sunday school, under the
superintendence of the gentle lady to whom with

8 WITH CHRIST AT SEA
affectionate remembrance I have dedicated the
' Cruise of the " Cachalot." ' I do not remember
much of her teaching, because I was personally in
a class taught by a dentist named Barker, who,
with his brother, was a devoted friend of the
school. But Miss Hensley, as superintendent, was
beloved by all. Not one of us but felt prouder of
the privilege of being invited home to tea with her
on Sunday afternoon, and being honoured with
the burden of her cloak and bag of books, than as
if we had suddenly been called upon to command
a ship or drive a fire-engine. At that school, on
the bridge beneath which is Westbourne Park
Railway Station, I passed many a happy hour, but
I cannot recall any impression more definite than
that of the loveableness and the patience of the
teachers, and the general mischievousness of the
boys and girls.
May I say, without being suspected of egotism,
that I was a good little boy ? I think so, be
cause everyone will realise that under the firm,
wise, and kind rule of Auntie, it was most un
likely that I should be anything else. Most
likely I was a terrible little prig, and I have no
doubt but that I was cordially hated by the more

INTRODUCTORY 9
human boys, who were disgusted at my smug
virtue, virtue that had never been put to the test
but once, when it broke all to pieces. It was an
awful downfall. I have said that we were very
poor ; so that my perquisites being all the farthings
that came into the house must have testified to
great generosity on Auntie's part. But I was not
allowed to spend one on any pretence. They
were all solemnly put into a tin box with a slit
in the lid, whose sides were ornamented with bees
busy hiving honey.
Now, whether, after I went to day-school at
seven years of age, the sight of other boys spend
ing money brought upon me a raging desire to do
the same or not, I do not know. All I remember
is that one night, having duly elaborated my plan
of campaign, I carried up to bed with me an old
knife and a pencil-box. And after having said
my prayers and kissed Auntie good-night, I lay
counting her retreating footsteps down the stairs.
Then creeping out of bed I drew aside the blind so
that the bright moonlight should stream in. And
with hardened heart I tousled that money-box
until quite a heap of farthings lay upon the bed-
quilt. I did not take them all — just a few I left

io WITH CHRIST AT SEA
as a salve to my conscience or in the hope that the
breaking-in would not be noticed. Then, placing
the looted farthings in the pencil-case (one of the
old-fashioned ones like a truncheon) I hid it away,
crept into bed again, and went to sleep.
I awoke in the morning without a shade of
remorse, only anxious to get out of the house with
my plunder. That was easily managed, and at
dinner-time, instead of coming home straightway,
I called certain of my intimates to me, and together
we invaded a shop where they sold ginger-beer,
doubtful fruit, and sweet-stuff. I spent royally,
enjoying to the full the delightful sensation for the
first time. But I had so many farthings, (nearly
two shillings'-worth) that there were still many left
at school-time. I told a lie about being kept in
to account for my delay in appearing to dinner,
and still I did not feel any compunction. During
the afternoon at school I became so inordinately
puffed up at the exalted pinnacle I had reached in
the estimation of my school-fellows (as I fondly
imagined) that I waxed reckless and arrogant.
I brandished my pencil-case, rattling the wealth
it still contained, when suddenly the lid flew off,
and in a jingling shower of bronze the farthings

INTRODUCTORY n
flew in every direction all over the schoolroom
floor. The memory of the inquiry that followed is
still painful. How step by step my iniquities
were unveiled, how eagerly the partakers of my
bounty gave evidence against me, until, under
guard, I was marched home and handed over to
my aunt, with a full account of what had hap
pened. Then came the hardest part to bear.
Auntie cried ; and she was not given to tears as a
rule. She cried bitterly to find that after all her
care, her charge had suddenly developed into a
thief and a liar. Then feeling that it was her
duty so to do, she bought a penny cane and beat
me, every blow, I am sure, hurting her far more
than it did me. The whole episode was a land
mark, and the lessons it taught exceedingly valu
able. The most valuable of all, of course, did not
appeal to me then as it does now, viz. that clois
tered virtue is impotent, that inability to steal
does not make a thief honest, and that ignorance
is by no means innocence.
But I must get on. There came presently that
dread event about which I cannot think even now
without a shudder — my sudden hurling out of this

12 WITH CHRIST AT SEA
haven into a troubled sea of violence. Imagine, if
you can, what it must have meant to a child such
as I was, at the age of nine, being transferred
without a word of warning from the atmosphere of
my aunt's quiet, godly home to a London laundry
of over thirty years ago in Kensal New Town.
The language I now heard continually was truly
almost unintelligible at first, but I soon began to
learn what it meant. There were a dozen women
employed — coarse, shameless, and in their talk as
lewd as any sailors I have ever been shipmate
with. Moreover, I was tried physically. From
being so tenderly cared for that I was hardly
expected to wash myself, I was now made to turn
the mangle and wringing-machine, to scrub the
dirtiest of the dusters, &c, to go long, weary
journeys with parcels such as I could carry, and
do all to a running accompaniment of blows and
abuse and shortness of food. My hours were from
six in the morning until eleven at night, except on
Sundays, when I sat, like Cinderella, after the
dinner things had been washed up and put away,
by the ashes of the kitchen fire, with no other
company than the black-beetles and crickets. No
more church or Sunday-school now. But I still

INTRODUCTORY 13
kept up the habit of saying my prayers, though it
never occurred to me to ask God for deliverance.
That was entirely due, I know, to the way in
which, as I have before hinted at, it had been
instilled into my mind that we were only to ask
for spiritual blessings from our Father, except in
the disciple's prayer, which, of course, became per
functory from innumerable repetitions. I may
have been told that it was a good, thing to ask
God for anything I wanted and confidently look
for a prompt answer to my request, but if so I
have no recollection thereof whatever.
But although I made no audible moan, my
dumb longings were great. Some day, but not
just yet, I may attempt a description of those
dreadful days, extending over nearly three years,
during which I struggled against the fate that I
felt was undeserved, yet did not know how to
escape. Then I became familiar with all forms of
evil, all expressions that men and women use in a
sort of ignorant defiance of the Unseen Powers
they fear and hate. A sort of act of spiritual -
suicide, I suppose. But I did not talk like that
myself, and I still said my prayers, although no
body knew down here, nor did I myself know why
I kept up the practice.

14 WITH CHRIST AT SEA
Then came the second great change in my
life — I went to sea. The plain bald facts of my
going I have related in the ' Log of a Sea Waif,'
but I have not told, because I am not able to tell,
of my utter loneliness and heart-hunger. I could
not help but feel that liberty lay before me, free
dom from starvation and all the vicissitudes of an
Arab life ashore, but the sea loomed before me as
a vast desert, all unknown. I had no friends on
board the ship, and when, as we left the dock-
head, the mate's wife — a comely Shields woman —
stooped and kissed me, saying, ' God bless ye, ma
puir chiel,' my heart overflowed in a few unaccus
tomed tears. Boys, such as I then was, do not
weep much as a rule : they learn to endure hard
ness early, and without pitying themselves too
greatly. As I watched the familiar landmarks of London
recede, I felt more wretched than I have ever done
before or since. True, I was leaving no friends, I
had no single tie, but neither had I any enthusiasm
for the sea — only dread, only a sick feeling of
doubt and terror. London represented to me all
that I had ever known, its very stones were
familiar acquaintances, and in default of human

INTRODUCTORY 15
friends I had grown, I suppose, much attached to
inanimate things.
On board the ship little notice was taken 01
me for the first day. I was cabin-boy, my duty
being to attend upon the captain, mate, and second
mate, under the orders of the mahogany-faced
old man who was supposed to fill the double
office of cook and steward. All that I had to do
I could do fairly well, for housemaid's work was
perfectly familiar to me, and it did not over-tax
my puny strength. But I was not of use long.
Even before we left the river, the smell of the foul
little cuddy almost made me ill, and from it I was
unable to escape, as most of my work lay there.
When, however, we cleared the Nore and were
being dragged ruthlessly seaward by a powerful
tug-boat in the teeth of a rising gale, when white
sheets of spray swept from one end of the miser
able old barque to the other, so that there was no
dry corner to be found except in the cuddy, I felt
as if I was going to die. I remember creeping
like a hurt dog under the quarter of the long-boat
which was lashed on the main hatch, and there,
wet to the skin and kept so by the never-ceasing
spray, I passed into a comatose state at the bottom

16 WITH CHRIST AT SEA
of a pit of misery, to which death himself would
have come as an angel of deliverance.
Such an experience would, I venture to assert,
be impossible to-day. For a mere child of be
tween eleven and twelve to be thus left to live or
die as it might chance, without anyone caring,
without anyone coming to see, would not be per
mitted on board any ship now. Yet I was
esteemed fortunate in being left alone. I know
of cases where boys as ill as I then was have been
hunted out of a lair like mine with blows and curses
and driven aloft. To the throes of their sickness
was added the agony of fear, clinging to the
swaying rigging in the blackness of the night
amid the howling of the angry wind. This was
spared me. Afterwards, when I had grown
stronger, I was often sent aloft to tasks too
heavy for me, and far away up in the air have felt
all my energies depart in the weakness of sea
sickness, not daring to come down and leave the
sail unfurled. But now I was at least suffered to
lie quietly and endure.
In saying that I was utterly neglected, I did
one poor creature an injustice — a negro lad, five or
six years older than myself, who was also in evil

INTRODUCTORY 17
case, nipped by the bitter wind of an English
February, and beaten frequently by anyone who
chose to exercise the shameful privilege. When I
recovered consciousness — I don't know how long
after my first creeping in there — I found Jem
sitting by my side, endeavouring to coax me into
swallowing a morsel of soaked biscuit and drink a
drop of water. Sententiously and with a quaint-
ness that I found irresistibly funny after I got
well, he was quoting the Bible to me. I found
when I got to know him that he had been a
Sunday-school teacher at home in Jamaica, which
accounted for his knowledge of Holy Writ, but
did not account for the delightful way in which he
applied it to every circumstance of his daily life.
' Naow, leetle boay, you mus' eat somefin, 'r
else yew gwine die. An' den, yew know, yew
gwine be all right, ob co'se ; but yo duty tords
Gord am ter lib s' long s' ever yew kin. Wy. yewse
mos' s' highly favered 's me. 'Oom de Lord lobef
He chasenef, 'n skurjef ebery son 'oom He recebef,
don' y' know ? Now dey isn't many folks roun'
dat's a-getting maw skurjin dan I is jes now, 'n
sence de dear Lord less de mate go on wid it,
well den de Lord Hesef 'sponsible, see ! So I feels
C

1 8 WITH CHRIST AT SEA
laik a son fo' shuah, a son wuts belobed, too — now
mine I tole yer. 'N yew, wy, bress Gord, youse
bein' chaysen too. Nudder way,- ob co'se. De
good Lord knows better dan treat all his chillen
de same ; but neb' mine, you'se a son, an' a deah
son too. Don' you leggo dat ar.'
So he talked away, the mere fact of his presence
comforting me, apart from his cheery talk, until at
last I managed to swallow a few morsels. And
then that poor fellow prayed such a prayer as I
had never heard before. Strange chills ran through
me as I listened, a kind of awe at the fact that
here was a man, and a black man at that, who
seemed to be on more intimate terms with
Almighty God than was safe. He talked to God,
reminded Him of all sorts of things, at the same
time admitting that it was not possible for Him to
forget anything concerning the least of His
creatures, but emphasising the fact that it did him
self good to tell so sympathetic a listener all that
was in his mind. He prayed for everybody on
board, especially for the captain, who, he said,
needed most to be prayed for, because he was
probably the worst of all the crew ; but for me he
reserved his final effort. And when he had
finished, I was better ; I had been educated into

INTRODUCTORY 19
the high knowledge that henceforth prayer was
not merely the repetition of certain formulae,
but a real means of communication between God
and my small self. That I didn't even need
to kneel down and fold my hands and shut my
eyes, or even speak aloud.
This, coming upon all that had gone before,
was of the most inestimable benefit to me. I was
not miserable any longer. My mind was fortified,
and my body soon accommodated itself to the
motion of the apple-sided old vessel, so that I was
able to get about my work. I liked the cabin no
better, for I could not get used to the foulness of
its atmosphere nor its mental gloom. There was
no conversation held between the officers and the
skipper. They sat at their meals in grim silence
as if bound by some awful rule to waste no word
upon each other. The only place where I might
legitimately go for companionship was the galley ;
but the cook, though talkative enough, and, in a
ferocious way, inclined to be companionable with
me, could only express himself in terms that were
almost entirely filthy or blasphemous, while his
tales were of a kind that were painful to hear,
apart from the language in which they were told.

20 WITH CHRIST AT SEA
Now I had been expressly forbidden to go
into the men's quarters — the fo'csle. It was so
bad a place to be in, leaky, dark, and mephitic,
that one would hardly have thought any prohibi
tion necessary, but there was cheerfulness and
animated conversation there. Besides, the men
spoke as kindly to me as they were able. In fact,
all the kind words I got came from them ; and
lastly, Jem, the negro boy, was there. So gradu
ally I took to creeping forward after dark, and
sitting in the fo'csle with the men, interested
beyond measure by their conversation (which was
not always of the cleanest), and feeling at times
quite satisfied with my lot. This, of course, could
only have one ending. I was soundly flogged,
and threatened that if ever I went into the fo'csle
again I should be cast out of the cabin altogether.
For a week I abstained, until the misery of the
cabin grew unbearable, and again I transgressed.
Another ifope's-ending, and then banishment, to
my exceeding delight ; my satisfaction fully com
pensating me for my bruises.
Thus I became a fo'csle hand, and never but
once, and that only for a short passage, have I
filled a steward's place since.

CHAPTER II
RELIGIOUS LIFE IN THE FO'CSLE
In becoming a denizen of the fo'csle, I entered
unconsciously upon the fourth great change in my
life. Of the first I cannot now speak ; it happened
before my memory was born ; the second was
that sorrowful out-casting from the serene haven
of my aunt's home into the tempest-tossed sea of
the laundry and the streets ; the third was going
to sea. But this last change was, I think, the most
momentous of all. For I was now, at an age
when most boys are mere children, admitted
to the real companionship of men on such terms of
equality as few boys ever experience until they
can be rightly called boys no longer.
The circumstances were peculiar. All the
conditions of service in this old ship were so bad,
food and accommodation being alike abominable
and her hull and rigging so rotten, that it was con
structive murder to send her to sea. Had the

22 WITH CHRIST AT SEA
master and officers been genial, sympathetic men,
determined to make the best of things and doing
their best to hearten up the ill-used crew, much
might have been done to lighten the gloom. But
the skipper's temper was morose and vindictive.
His face wore a continual scowl, and he never
spoke to anyone, even the mate, without arousing
a bitter feeling of resentment in their breasts by
his opprobrious words.
So that his treatment of me was taken by the
fo'csle hands as a studied insult to them, as one
more item in the black account against him, and
they determined to do what in them lay by their
treatment of me to annoy him. All agreed to pet
me and make my life in the fo'csle as happy as it
could well be. And in my watch on deck, when
ever I was given a task they considered too hard
for me, one of them would rather ostentatiously
come to my assistance, all the more readily if the
old man were in sight. In my watch below I was
always being taught something useful. The mys
teries of knots, splices, seizings, bends, cringles,
and all the manifold intricacies of sailorising were
unfolded to me with the greatest patience and
kindness, although the teachers often squabbled

RELIGIOUS LIFE IN THE FO'CSLE 23
among themselves over the exact method in which
this or that piece of work should be done. One
man, a big Yorkshireman we called Joe, laid himself
out to teach me the mending and making of
clothes, neglecting his own sewing, and making
what he called a 'tarpaulin muster,' that is, a
general collection from his watchmates of any old
garments they could spare to fit me up with what
I sorely needed, sufficient clothes.
Looking back upon that time years after I
have often thought with deepest feeling of the
behaviour of those rough, almost savage men.
They modified their language for my sake. If I
entered the fo'csle during the telling of one of the
usual tales of a ' Highway ' debauch there was an
instant hush, nor, although one or two of them
grumbled a little at first about it, was this practice
ever altered while that crew were together. I had
nothing to give them in return but affection, and
with that I was overflowing ; because for years it
had been dammed up without ever getting an
opportunity to flow at all. Now that I was
amongst the kindest of friends I did not know how
to make enough of them or to show my love, until
one day I was crooning to myself one of the

24 WITH CHRIST AT SEA
hymns I had learned at the Lock Chapel : ' When
gathering clouds around I view,' to the tune of
' Melita.' When I had finished I noted how intent
the silence was, and looked around abashed. But
one of the chaps said : ' Got 'ny more like that,
Tommy ? ' and delighted, I tuned up in earnest.
After that in the dog-watches my treble pipe was
always in request, although with the exception of
' Mother kissed me in my dream,' ' What are the
wild waves saying ? ' and ' Little Nell,' I knew
nothing but hymn tunes. The men's great favourite
was Jackson's ' Te Deum,' which I used to sing at
the very pitch of my lungs.
Now whether this singing of the songs of Zion
had any effect upon the men beyond mere outward
alteration of conversation and conduct never
troubled my mind, because I knew nothing at all
about the matter. With me it was merely a revival
of pleasant memories, of emotional delights, just as
saying my prayers was a performance due solely to
habit. But Jem's lessons in the all-round efficacy
of prayer had not been without their effect, so that
now I used to ask in such language as I could
command for what I considered would be good for
my friendly shipmates. My greatest friend was

RELIGIOUS LIFE IN THE FO'CSLE 25
Torkshire Joe, who taught me tailoring, and his
welfare formed the central subject of my petitions.
Bu^ to my great grief he was subject to furious
gusts of passion, when he would swear horribly,
using language that I had never heard until I came
to sea, language wherein the names of Jesus, of God,
and of Hell were combined in such fantastic
blasphemy that" I trembled to my heart, expecting
momentarily to see him fall dead. So it came
about that one night when I was repeating my
usual requests to the Invisible Father in whom
I most fervently believed, I received a startling
testimony. I suppose I must have been a little
more emphatic and unconventional than usual, for
when I had finished I saw Joe standing by my side,
his rugged, bronzed face all a-work, and his beard
sparkling in the feeble rays of the lamp as if it had
been sprinkled with dew.
Full of concern I asked him what was the
matter. But he returned an evasive reply, putting
his hand upon my head and remaining quite silent
afterward for several moments. Then suddenly
he asked : ' Why was ye a-praying for me,
Tommy ? ' Something tugged at my heart, and
bursting into tears, I faltered out : ' Because —

26 WITH CHRIST AT SEA i
because I'm so fond of you, Joe — you've been so
kind to me, and I was afraid God would strike
you dead some day if you didn't leave off asking
Him to. I do wish you wouldn't swear so dread
fully : it does frighten me so ! ' He listened in
perfect silence and then said gravely and slowly :
' Well, I won't any more — you see if I do. Not
that I mean anythin' by it, it's only a way of
speakin' I've got into, an' I hardly know when I
do it. But what was you really afraid of, little
man ? ' 'I was afraid that God would kill you and
put you in Hell for ever and ever,' I panted.
' Ah ! ' he murmured, ' but suppose  ' and then
he stopped suddenly. After a little while he said,
quite gently and low, ' Let me hear ye say them
prayers agen, will ye ? ' Very shyly, and in an
almost inaudible whisper, I repeated my prayers.
while he leaned over my hammock — the hammock
he had made and swung for me because I had no
bed and he would not let me lie on the hard bunk-
boards — and when I had finished he said quite
clearly and solemnly, ' Amen.'
I wish I could say that from that day forward
he was cured of his blasphemy, but it would not
be true. There is only one cure for a habit like

RELIGIOUS LIFE IN THE FO'CSLE 27
that, and it had not been applied. Nevertheless,
he strove hard against the violence of his tongue,
and I have often seen him when just about to give
way glance around at me standing near and be
silent his sunburnt face flushing a deeper red.
Now the conversation in the fo'csle took a
decidedly theological turn. We had not a Bible
on board, as far as I knew, certainly not one in
the fo'csle, so that it was impossible to bring any
evidence to bear upon the discussions that took
place, and in consequenee some extraordinary
views were aired. Strange to say, there were no
quarrels over the arguments. I say ' strange '
because every sailor knows that argument about
religion in a ship's fo'csle is perhaps the most
fruitful cause of rows there. So much so that in
many fo'csles the subject is tabooed altogether.
I have heard men whose lives were as foul as a
man's life could well be contending furiously over
particular forms of religion, the true church to go
to, the real priesthood, &c, while it was evident
that they did not possess the slightest knowledge
of the subject they were discussing with so much
heat. Still less had they any real care for the
truth. Poor fellows !

28 WITH CHRIST AT SEA
But in the ' Arabella's ' fo'csle religion was dis
cussed quietly, and although I heard many remarks
that made me shiver, they sounded so dreadful to
my carefully tutored ears, the familiarity with
which those lofty themes and holy names was
handled had in it nothing of irreverence. On one
point they were all agreed. It was that there
was no hell for sailors. They were not at all
sure that a good many shipowners would escape
the unquenchable fire, especially those who gave
liberally to charities ashore and fed their wage-
earners at sea worse than pigs. In fact, some of
them went so far as to say that if there wasn't a
hell for such people there ought to be. None of
them had any doubt as to the existence of God.
That matter was discussed at great length, the
idea of such a doubt existing being apparently only
stated to be demolished with scorn. About the
Fall they held some curious notions, which I do
not feel justified in stating here — because I am
not able to write them in Greek. Indeed, I did
not at the time quite realise their meaning. Some
years afterwards, however, I came across an old
book in New Zealand which gave an account of
this particular heresy as having been in full vigour

RELIGIOUS LIFE IN THE FO'CSLE 29
about 200 years after Christ. Since then I have
heard nearly every one of those strange old perver
sions of great truths put forward by unlettered men
and women, both at sea and ashore, proving, to
me at least, that the minds of men in all ages run
in very much the same grooves when they give the
rein to their fancy in matters of religion.
As to the Plan of Salvation they knew next to
nothing. Dim and hazy ideas of the vicarious
sacrifice of Christ for man were somewhat timidly
hazarded, but of the great fundamental truth of
Christianity, summed up in the words, ' God was
in Christ reconciling the world unto Himself,' they
had not the shadow of an idea. I said but little
at these discussions, unless asked a question ; and,
truth to tell, I took no great amount of interest in
them, beyond feeling the importance of being per
mitted to nestle in the midst of the talkers by the
side of my friend Joe. But I have no doubt that the
free handling of topics which in my own experience
had been confined to Sunday for as long as I had
heard them mentioned at all had, on the whole, a
beneficent influence upon me, although its effects
were not manifested for some years.
Stormy days were ahead. First of all came a

30 WITH CHRIST AT SEA
row between Joe and the skipper, a row which had
myself for its proximate cause. Joe took upon
himself to go aft and ask the ' old man ' for a
piece of second-hand canvas wherewith to make
me a ' jumper,' a primitive kind of garment like a
cuirass, which, when lined with a piece of old
flannel, makes a very warm shelter and requires
little clothing underneath. This piece of impu
dence, as the skipper termed it, led to hot words
between Joe and himself, much to the delight of
the rest of the crew. For me personally it had
unpleasant results. For the skipper, at the first
opportunity, beat me unmercifully, which most
unfair exercise of authority nearly ended in a
mutiny. I declare that I was m no sense to
blame. Had I been consulted I would certainly
have endured any extremity of cold before giving
my consent to the skipper's being asked for canvas.
And when 1 paid the penalty I did so feeling
greatly afraid lest the crew should do anything
dreadful in their indignation at the way in which
their pet was being treated. When I got forward,
although writhing with pain, I implored Joe not to
do anything — I looked upon him as capable of
any act of violence for all his tenderness to me —

RELIGIOUS LIFE IN THE FO'CSLE 31
and, very reluctantly, he yielded to my impor
tunities. Shortly afterwards we arrived in Georgetown,
Demerara, and I had a most pleasant time in
harbour, the skipper being generally ashore, and
the mate, a Norwegian, being far too much in
awe of the crew, who were all English but Jem
the Jamaican negro, to interfere much with
me. Then came 'liberty day,' when the crew,
watch by watch, received a little money on account
of their wages, and were permitted to spend twenty-
four hours ashore. Having heard a great deal in
the fo'csle of the intentions of the men I was much
afraid of what would happen when they returned.
They now discussed with loosened tongues their
prospective pleasures, while I listened with awe,
wondering why they did not restrain one another
before me as I had seen them do previously.
At last, I went to Joe just as he was ready to
depart, and implored him, for my sake, not to get
drunk and come on board to fight. He promised
me with a smile that he would not, and he kept
his word. He was the only sober man out of the
fo'csle members of the crew on the morning of
their reassembling, and when the mutiny took

32 WITH CHRIST AT SEA
place, whose events I have fully recorded in the
' Log of a Sea Waif,' he alone held aloof. And I
was able to save his life. For if it had not been
for my shouted warning he would certainly have
been stabbed by an Irishman, who, one of the
pleasantest of men at other times, was then simply
frantic with new rum.
The result of that grim morning's work was
that all of the old crew, except Joe and Black Jem,
went to prison ; even the old cook 'and steward
departed to the place which I had long thought
secretly was the only home he was fit for. Of
course, a new crew had to be shipped at once, for
we were bound away. They came, a very different
lot from those we had on the passage out. The only
really nice man among them was the cook, a little
fair Irishman, with a long auburn beard, who was
mightily disgusted at finding that the skipper had
shipped a Chinaman as steward, who would, by
ship etiquette, be his superior. But none of them
was so utterly abandoned and grossly animal as a
cadaverous young fellow, who said that he was a
Eurasian. His manners, his language, his looks
were alike beastly. Him Joe tackled two days
after leaving port, and, much to my terror and
discomfort, gave him a terrible thrashing.

RELIGIOUS LIFE IN THE FO'CSLE 33
All the old pleasantness of the fo'csle was now
gone, and in its place ribaldry and lewdness reigned
supreme. Joe and I spent much time together
away from the rest, and if I could only recall some
of our conversations, they would surprise myself in
their innocent outpouring of all that was good in
either of our hearts. I clung to the big man as
my sole defender from what I felt would be
much discomfort, if not cruelty, and he repaid my
confidence beautifully, not allowing even a threat
to be made against me without instant interference,
and as his size and strength gained for him great
respect I was left unmolested. In return for
his protection I believe that my companionship
was a real solace to him. He became daily
more grave and thoughtful, and tried to recall
from his long experience such anecdotes as he
thought would please me or be good for me
to hear. I asked him multitudes of questions
about the beautiful strange things that were
daily appearing in sea and sky and on the shores
we skirted on our way down to the ports in
the Gulf of Mexico, where we were to load
mahogany for home. But to the majority of my
questions he was fain to admit that he knew

34 WITH CHRIST AT SEA
no answers. He owned that he had so long
been blind and deaf to the sights and sounds
of the sea that, although he was now beginning
to take an interest in them which surprised
him, he was almost as ignorant of their meaning,
their causes, and their lessons as I was. And
he was not a reading man. Though fairly in
telligent, and a splendid workman, he spent his
leisure entirely in the care of his scanty wardrobe
and in making little models of ships, at which
latter pleasant pastime he was an adept. With a
vast amount of patient labour he had constructed
a model of the Downs, that magnificent roadstead
off Deal that used to be an anchorage for hundreds
of outward or homeward bound ships before steam
became the chief motive power in ocean traffic.
He had made out of putty a relief model of the
shore at one side of a large board, upon which he
had, in its proper place, represented the sea by a
painted groundwork. Dotted here and there over
the green surface were half models of variously
rigged vessels under sail, securely pinned down to
the board on their flat sides, and with all their sails
carved out of wood.
At this task had he worked strenuously, but he

RELIGIOUS LIFE IN THE FO'CSLE 35
was destined never to finish it. For when we arrived
in Sant' Ana we found the place to be a veritable
Alsatia. No law, no order, every man doing that
which was right in his own eyes, and wages for
seamen abnormally inflated. And Joe was getting
very tired of this miserable old vessel of ours. He
had never made chums with any of the new crew ;
between him and the skipper there was at the best
but an armed neutrality, which at any time would
certainly have broken out into fierce persecution of
Joe by the old man had the former shown any sign
of weakness. At last one night I felt in my sleep
somebody kiss me. I remembered it distinctly
afterwards, but at the time it was insufficient to
arouse me thoroughly. In the morning there was
a terrible outcry. The old man, taking his consti
tutional on the poop, as he always did before six
o'clock, found the stout rope which had held our
longboat astern hanging straight down, the long
boat being gone. All hands were immediately
called aft, when it was at once seen that Joe and
Harry, a Newfoundlander, were absent. The
wrathful skipper turned upon me savagely,
demanding information concerning Joe. I had
none to give, or, I fear, miserable little coward

36 WITH CHRIST AT SEA
that I was, I should have supplied it. For now I
knew there was no one to stand between me and
any brutality that might be practised upon me.
Trembling, I protested the exact truth, that I
knew nothing of Joe's intentions or his movements,
and with a fierce threat the skipper turned away.
Then, mounting the rigging, he swept the horizon
with his glass, discovering the boat drifting sea
ward seven or eight miles out. I should have said
that we were anchored in an open roadstead, in
company with some twenty other vessels, and that
there was no shelter of any kind to seaward of us,
nothing but the open waters of the Gulf.
The boat was recovered after a weary morn
ing's row under that fervent sun, but her passengers
were not found. Two days after, however, our
skipper saw them both at work in the rigging of
an American brig, anchored about half a mile
distant from us. He went to claim them, but was
not allowed on board, her skipper treating him to
a great deal of sarcastic information. He returned
on board foaming but helpless. Then poor black
Jem, who was leading a terrible life in the fo'csle,
came aft and demanded his discharge, which he
was fully entitled to— indeed, he should have been

RELIGIOUS LIFE IN THE FO'CSLE 37
set free in Demerara. He got it and his pay,
some fifty dollars in silver. He packed up his few
belongings and departed for the shore with ten
dollars in his pocket ; the rest, at the suggestion
of his shipmates, he left with one of them for
safety. And when he came on board again and
asked for his little hoard, they jeered at him and
denied all knowledge of his money.
From all of which it may, I think, be fairly
gathered that the ' Arabella's ' fo'csle was a bad
place now to be in. As yet I was safe from physical
ill-usage, because the little Irish cook, having
grown very fond of me, had taken me under his
protection. In fact, his affection for me was only
equalled by his hatred of the Chinese steward,
hatred which culminated one day in a murderous
affray between them, after which the Chinaman
was bundled ashore. I used to spend now all my
spare time in the galley with the cook. He was
a fervent Catholic, and used to tell me legends of
the Saints, which to my mind were more interest
ing than the wildest romances I had yet read,
besides being invested with a charm that was
wholly the narrator's own. He also taught me
many prayers to the Saints (as I thought), and

38 WITH CHRIST AT SEA
fragments of Latin, making a queer jumble of
impressions on my mind. But whatever our con
versation turned upon, I bear witness that I never
heard one word from that fiery tempered little
ship's cook that might not have been spoken in
the holiest company. He was one of nature's
gentlemen, and would have scorned to sully a
young mind by the transference to it of any dirt
that might unhappily have accumulated in his own.
But another great change was at hand, al
though I had not the slightest inkling of its
approach. I was getting fairly strong and wiry,
tanned like an Indian from constant exposure to
the fierce sun of Mexico ; my feet, which had
never known a covering since leaving England,
were as hard as a negro's, and I knew my work
very well. Besides these things I was rapidly
learning to talk the prevailing language I heard
around me — Spanish, which, though exceedingly
useful, had one serious drawback — its utterly
horrible misuse in swearing. And as the vilenesses
of a foreign tongue which is picked up colloquially
are always acquired first and retained longest, so
I found my memory presently loaded with expres
sions that were always rising to my lips and

RELIGIOUS LIFE IN THE FO'CSLE 39
frightening me almost beyond bearing by their
horror. I came to the conclusion very soon that
what I had taken for the worst language possible
spoken in my own tongue was but as the prattle
of infants compared with the hideous outrage on
speech perpetrated by an angry Dago — I will not
say Spaniard, since the mixed medley of Latin
races there all spoke Spanish.
Then one morning I suddenly received a
summons to come aft and speak to the skipper.
I went in fear and trembling, for I was always in
dread of a thrashing for something, I did not know
what, but was quite sure that some reason could
always be found for beating me. This time, how
ever, my fears were quite groundless. The skipper
received me as kindly as it was in his cross-grained
nature to do, and informed me that he had made
arrangements with a friend of his, who com
manded a fine barque, the ' Discovery,' which was
loaded and ready for sailing homeward, to take
me with him. He gave me as his reason for thus
sending me away that the 'Arabella' was never
likely to reach home. She was so shaky, so
utterly unseaworthy, that the probability was that
she would become a wreck before getting clear of

40 WITH CHRIST AT SEA
the Gulf, and he did not want to run the risk of
having me drowned, as I was his brother's son.
So I was to get ready at once and go on board
my new ship with him that morning.
I was delighted at the prospect ; boy-like, I
did not speculate upon the probability of being
wprse off than I was now. In fact, had I thought
about that side of the matter at all — I don't
remember whether I did or not — I should no
doubt have arrived at the conclusion that any
change must be for the better. So I gathered my
few belongings (be sure I was not overloaded with
them), and departed with a shake of the hand and
a ' God bless you ! ' from the cook, but not another
sign of leave-taking from any other member of the
crew. Arriving on board the ' Discovery ' I was
amazed ; she was so grand a ship as compared
with the wretched old hulk I had left. Her
skipper received me very kindly and handed me
over to the steward ; my uncle left me without a
word of farewell, and I began life on board my
second ship.
If I had been in danger of injury by too much
hardship before, I was now likely to be spoiled by
overmuch petting. Everyone on board was kind-

RELIGIOUS LIFE IN THE FO'CSLE 41
ness itself. They seemed to look upon me as a
plaything sent specially for their amusement. I
had no regular duties. I lived in the cabin and
revelled in the excellent food provided, luxuries
which I had hitherto only dreamed of. I came
and went through the fo'csle as I chose, no one
interfering with me. My life was as completely
changed as it was possible for it to be. But as far
as religion went, the ' Discovery ' was frankly pagan.
I never heard a word from any member of her
crew that showed any recognition of God as a
factor in the lives of men. The crew were a mixed
crowd of foreigners and British, but pulled very
well together, and, on the whole, she was what a
sailor would call a comfortable ship. The one
black spot in the pleasant scheme of things was
the skipper's drunkenness. One of the most
amiable of men, and withal, by the common
consent of the crew, a first-class seaman, he drank
so incessantly as to be never really sober. And
this failing of his had its inevitable effect upon the
crew in relaxing discipline, and making them all
feel that they could do pretty much as they liked.
I have often wondered since that they behaved as
well as they did.

42 WITH CHRIST AT SEA
But it is time to bring this chapter to a close.
I cannot help feeling that its title is somewhat
misleading, since of religious life in the fo'csle or
the cabin there was hardly a trace. Sunday was
observed as a day on which no avoidable duties
were performed on behalf of the ship. It was,
however, looked upon as the time for washing and
mending clothes, for doing, in fact, anything that
a man wished to do for himself and did not care to
take time for from his watch below. Any encroach
ment upon this privilege was fiercely resented, but
only because it was felt to be a right that law
provided for, and not in the least upon any moral
or religious grounds. And, as I have already said,
on board the ' Arabella ' there was no Bible, and,
with the exception of black Jem and the Irish
cook, no man appeared to have God in his thoughts
at any time, except as the subject matter for dis
cussion in the dog-watch causeries.

CHAPTER III
GODLESS DAYS
I COME now to a long period, during which I am
compelled to say that religious thoughts, as far as
I could tell, and religious practices certainly, as
far as my surroundings were concerned, were
entirely non-existent. How far I am justified
in briefly touching upon the leading incidents
of those years I do not know. The general
title of these reminiscences would seem to suggest
the leaving out of those voyages wherein there
was not to be found one spark of the recogni
tion of the presence of Christ on board. Rather
would it seem as if this particular part of my
narrative should be headed: 'Without Christ, at
Sea.' Only I am sure that, firstly, such a title
would be misleading, since the poor unthinking
seafarer, although he omits to cultivate in the
smallest, most perfunctory measure the acquaint-

44 WITH CHRIST AT SEA
anceship of Christ, forgets Him, in fact, as com
pletely as he is able to do, can no more sail
without Him than he can sail without water.
And even though the name of Christ be unused,
except to give weight to a meaningless oath or to
emphasise a story, and His brotherly attributes
are all unknown, there at any time may suddenly
arise a deep, sincere longing after Him as the one
faithful powerful Friend.
Secondly, it would be unjust to those who I
trust will read these lines, to allow them to think
that there is on board of every ship some form
of religious observance, some recognition, however
formal, of the overlordship of the Most High God.
Unjust because misleading, hindering effort, and
encouraging that lack of knowledge about the
conditions of life in our merchant ships which is
such a prominent and painful feature in our
mental exercises to-day in Britain.
There is another difficulty in the way. As I
have in the ' Log of a Sea Waif dealt chiefly with
these years about which I am now speaking, not,
if I may coin a word, ' fictionising ' their incidents,
but giving them as they occurred to the best of
my recollection, it must occasionally happen that

GODLESS DAYS 45
I shall be travelling over old ground. I hope,
however, that as I am on a different subject I may
be forgiven for sometimes touching upon matters
already dealt with elsewhere. So with this brief
apologia I return to the ' Discovery.'
We left Sant' Ana the next day after I joined
her, and for a fortnight I enjoyed life as. I had
never done before. Sailing upon summer seas
with nothing but kindness shown me by all, and
abundant leisure to indulge in what was always
my delight, hanging over the side gazing into the
limpid blue waters with their inexhaustible store
of wonders, I was supremely happy. And then
came an awful night, when I was suddenly
awakened to the knowledge that the ship was
wrecked — run ashore upon a coral reef in the
middle of the Gulf while all hands, including the
helmsman and the look-out man, were asleep.
Even then, after the first shock had passed, I
found that there was nothing to fear. The pro
spect of spending some time upon a little barren
patch of sand had nothing in it alarming. Getting
ashore was a trying experience, for the wind and
sea had risen, and only by a series of hairbreadth
escapes did we all succeed in getting safe to land.

46 WITH CHRIST AT SEA
Then came a few days of unalloyed pleasure.
A free, wild life, such as boys pent up in cities
pant after as they read stories of adventure, with
out any hardships at all. The days were spent in
roaming round our small domain, picking up and
throwing away such treasures in the way of shells,
curious fish, and corals as. are only seen in
museums at home. So happy was that time that
I felt quite loth to leave it when a friendly French
man, homeward bound from Vera Cruz to
Bordeaux, hove to off the island, sent his boat
ashore, and took most of us, including myself,
away. Swiftly she bore us to Havana, where we
were landed and placed in the British Consul's
charge to await trans-shipment home at the earliest
opportunity. But the spirit of adventure was growing upon
me, and without a thought of the consequences I
left the company of my shipmates and became a
hanger-on at the billiard-room of a large hotel
much frequented by English and American
skippers. Here, under these pleasant but baneful
conditions, I rapidly developed into a pert boy,
without reverence or fear, because I was encour
aged to be saucy and witty by all who came.

GODLESS DAYS 47
And the only thing I learned which was of the
slightest use to me was Spanish. But I was to
have a serious call. The yellow fever devastated
the city, and I could not help seeing how fast
people's bodies were being carted away for burial.
In the night, when except for the tolling of the
great bell of the cathedral for the passing souls
all was silent, I would often wake in a cold sweat
of fear and pray that my life might be spared in
the midst of all this death. This, however, was
only fear. There was no sense of God's protecting
care, no real desire for Him. After all, I was but
a little boy of twelve living under abnormal
conditions. Not only was my life spared, but I had no
illness of any kind during my stay of nearly six
months. I witnessed company after company of
miserable-looking recruits marched off into the
interior to fight the Cubans ; saw, too, their
bleeding and tattered remnants come back. The
sight of a dead man lying in the gutter of that
great city became a familiar one ; in fact, death
in various forms was always prominent. And
then came a hurricane, a terrible visitation in its
destruction of shipping and dwellings, but a

48 WITH CHRIST AT SEA
blessing in that it swept the city clean of the
yellow scourge. A few days after the hurricane
I was seized by the Vice-Consul and hurried on
board a ship to be taken home. I pleaded to be
allowed to remain, declaring that I had no home,
but he would not listen, so again I took up the
thread of board-ship life most unwillingly.
If religion had been conspicuous by its absence
from the two previous ships, where my own
countrymen were in the great majority, it could
hardly be expected to show at all on board of my
new vessel. For although she flew the British
flag, being a Nova Scotian barque, she had the
most extraordinary mixture of races in her small
crew that I have ever known in one ship. I lived
in the fo'csle, and I was there the sole representa
tive of the British race. Three men of the near
East, who called themselves Austrians, but of
whom one was certainly a Montenegrin and the
other two came from somewhere near Trieste ; a
Frenchman, a Swede, and four black men made
up the fo'csle crowd, while the cook was an
American negro and the carpenter a man whose
nationality I never knew. Spanish was the
language spoken in the fo'csle, but on deck

GODLESS DAYS 49
orders were given in that extraordinary kind of
English that is really the Lingua Franca of the
sea. Of the ' afterguard,' the master was a gentle
old Englishman, who had lived for some years in
Cuba, holding some official appointment ; the mate
was a drunken, loathly Scotsman, the only repre
sentative of that splendid race that ever I was
shipmate with of whom I could honestly say a
hard word ; and the second mate a stern, seaman
like Englishman.
With such a crew as this it need hardly be
wondered at that not even the husk of religion
was present. It was never even mentioned in
discussion. Instead, there were innumerable tales
of devilry in the Levant, of bloodshed both afloat
and ashore, until I used to wonder much what
kind of a land it could be that bred such men as
these. I never doubted the truth of their tales,
for they all looked like men who would figure in
such lurid exploits with the greatest delight, given
the opportunity. Yet, strange to say, I was never on
board of a more peaceful ship. Every man carried
a murderous-looking knife stuck in a sash ; every
man looked as if, on the slightest provocation, he
would use it, and perhaps it was the mutual E

So WITH CHRIST AT SEA
respect bred by this knowledge of the price to be
paid for quarrelling that kept things so uniformly
peaceful. On deck it was the same. They were
all good, willing seamen, quick and capable, and
as no attempt was made to impose upon their good
nature, things went very smoothly.
By this time I had almost lost the habit of prayer
— my life in Havana on the whole was not favour
able to its practice — thrown as I was into the midst
of the wildest dissipation, kept up invariably until the
small hours of the morning, and begun again about
noon. But an event that occurred a week after
we had sailed from Havana, bound to Mobile,
made me revert to it in a great hurry. Whether
through negligence on the part of the officers or
the terrific swiftness with which it arose I do not
know, but one morning we were suddenly stricken
by a most terrible squall, a squall, in fact, of almost
hurricane violence. I saw it coming, and it was
as if the sea had reared itself into a wall of foam,
which was rushing down upon us at incredible speed.
All sheets and halyards were let go, but the sails
would not come down, and the vessel went over,
over, until her deck was almost vertical. I lay
flat on the weather side with my feet against the

GODLESS DAYS 51
side of the house feeling as if I were standing
upright. And I heard beneath me the great stones
composing the ballast rolling thunderously down
to leeward as if to complete the vessel's destruc
tion by turning her right over. I remember, as if it
were even now happening, my feeling of utter help
lessness of being saved, and I prayed for life, only
a little more life. Overhead all was darkness and
tumult, a tremendous confusion of noises which
could not be separated by the ear, and beneath,
that ominous rumbling. Suddenly the wind eased
and the vessel righted a little. Speedily the sky
cleared, revealing the state of affairs aloft. No
spars had gone, but every rag of sail that had been
set when the squall burst upon us — that is to say,
nearly all the sail we carried — was gone, leaving
only a few fluttering threads wrapped here and
there about the lee-rigging. Well for us that the
sails were an old suit and that the vessel was
staunch. Had such an accident occurred to the
' Arabella ' she would have been blotted out like a
burst bubble, and not one soul would have sur
vived. Now it settled down into a steady, fierce gale,
making the work of bending fresh sails exceedingly

52 WITH CHRIST AT SEA
toilsome and difficult. All night long the men
laboured cheerfully, doggedly, to get the vessel
under control again by making it possible to set
some sail, and when that was done they were sent
below to shift the ballast, all of which they did
without a murmur. In all this labour I bore my
small part, doing what I could until, tired beyond
all expression, and aching in every limb from
being so long drenched, the weather being very
cold, I crept into a corner of the fo'csle that was
allotted to me (I had no bunk) and fell fast
asleep. This was my first experience of bad weather at
sea, so that no wonder need be manifested at its
being so clearly stamped upon my memory, even
though it is thirty years ago. But one thing about
the whole affair puzzles me, has often puzzled me
since when repeated under similar circumstances —
the calmness, almost amounting to indifference,
with which, after the danger had passed, I looked
upon the whole affair. I should have expected to
feel the deepest gratitude to God for answered
prayer. Instead of that I seemed to take it for
granted that what had happened was only to be
expected, and my thankfulness was far from being

GODLESS DAYS 53
commensurate with the fervour of my petition
when the danger was imminent. I have often
wondered whether this is a common experience, or
only a phase of individual ingratitude.
We arrived at our port without further adven
ture, except the losing of an anchor and sixty
fathoms of cable in a squall while anchored outside
the harbour waiting for a pilot, and as soon as we
had reached our loading berth the kindly old
skipper announced that the events of the last few
days had shown him that he was no longer fit to
command a ship, and that he intended to resign
and go home as a passenger in a steamer. I
believe everyone on board was genuinely sorry to
lose the old gentleman, who had endeared himself
to those rough fellows by his old-fashioned, kindly
ways. In his place we got a smart, bustling
Welshman, more than half a Yankee, who speedily
made himself felt on board, but who did not for
all that make the ship uncomfortable.
We filled up with cotton and started for home,
the time of year being January, and after six days
.only found ourselves out in the Atlantic under
bare poles, writhing in the grip of one of the
tremendous winter gales. Poorly clad and badly

54 WITH CHRIST AT SEA
treated by the mate, I was very miserable. No
work or hardship was spared me, and tasks beyond
my strength were continually being given me.
Nobody seemed to care what became of me except
the little Frenchman, who in a variety of ways
tried to lighten my burden in some measure, and
lent me some of his own scanty stock of clothing.
The gale lasted with scarcely any interval for a
week, apparently increasing gradually in violence
day by day until at last our vessel, large as she
was, seemed to be but a toy-boat tossed from
summit to hollow of these tremendous waves. I
was full of terror, and consequently was instant in
prayer for safety, but I got no real comfort until I
considered how happy and unconcerned were the
sea-birds hovering around. Then I thought that
if they, so slight and frail, were safe from the
raging of such a storm as this, surely we must be
so likewise. And this reasoning, faulty as it was,
gave me such confidence that I was never again
frightened that passage : except when running
before the next gale of wind at high speed we
passed a sinking brig — saw her sink with all her
crew, and were unable to help. Then indeed I
felt afraid of the possibility of such a fate being

GODLESS DAYS 55
ours. And after that awful sight I was unhappy,
much more so than I should have been perhaps
if I had found anyone to talk to about it. For
although I could get along well enough with the
queer Spanish spoken in the fo'csle (Spanish
adulterated with Italian and French and scraps of
other languages apparently as it suited the speaker)
— get along, that is, in ordinary fo'csle talk — such
conversation as I needed was not to be had.
We had another hair-raising incident when enter
ing the Channel through following a strange vessel's
lead in a dense fog. Only just by a few yards we
succeeded in clawing off a deadly reef of rocks, the
breakers boiling under her bows as she turned
reluctantly away. After that there was no more
trouble, and a few hours later the vessel was safely
docked in Liverpool, and I was left alone on board,
with the exception of an ancient watchman.
It is not that I desire to waste pity upon myself
as I then was, but looking back I cannot help
reflecting how sad a lot is that of the lonely,
friendless child. Gregarious as we are by nature,
there are few men and women who do not suffer a
great deal when left without any human companion
ship, more especially if they have not realised the

56 WITH CHRIST AT SEA ,
depth of the truth contained in the words, ' I will
never leave thee nor forsake thee.' But for a child
to learn by bitter experience that he or she is quite
alone, with no one ever to cuddle up to, no one to
come to for guidance and assistance at any time, is
a hard matter. We often say that ' you can't put
an old head upon young shoulders,' and, given
normal conditions, the saying is true. There are
exceptions, unfortunately. It is possible to put
an old head upon young shoulders, but the process
is a painful one, and its results are pitiful to see.
I might go on now to tell of the next two
months spent ashore in Liverpool and London,
trying in the intervals between the constant
skirmishing around for something to eat and to
' get a ship,' and constantly being disappointed,
but that the story does not belong to this connec
tion. It must be sufficient to say that after many
curious strugglings in those two great gatherings
of human beings, I did at last succeed in obtaining
a berth on board a barque bound to Jamaica as
' boy ' at the good wage of 25^. per month. She
was another pagan ship, and her crew the cruellest
in all my experience. Usually, even in those days,
there was sufficient public spirit, if I may call it so,

GODLESS DAYS 57
in a ship's fo'csle to prevent a boy being ill-used in
the fo'csle to any extent, although for impudence,
laziness, or dirty habits, he would certainly be
colted by some man with the approval of all the
rest. But in this ship, from the big, loutish boy
Who was my colleague, to the oldest A.-B., all
ill-treated me, until I became quite animalised,
dully bearing what had become my lot without
useless complaint. And I left off praying alto
gether. Why, I don't know, for certainly I needed
it more than ever.
My misery came to an end by the vessel being
wrecked on leaving the harbour homeward bound,
and, taken all round, I had a fairly good time in
Falmouth and Kingston before sailing for home
(working my passage) in a large steamship. But
as it was in Liverpool and in London, so it was
here. I never came in contact with any religious
influence at all. Being always in a more or less
disrespectable condition as regards clothes, I did
not dare to mingle with the well- clad worshippers
going to church and chapel. For although I do
not remember ever having been taught such a
thing, in some mysterious way going to the house
of God was in my mind indissolubly associated

58 WITH CHRIST AT SEA
with fine clothes, and the idea of a shabby person
being in church never occurred to me, or, if it did,
only with a shudder of horror as at sacrilege. To
this day the thought of going to church always
brings back to me the faint, sweet scent of
lavender and rose-leaves from the opening of
drawers kept closed all the rest of the week. I
hear the rustle of my aunt's ancient silk, to my
reverent eyes a garment fit for a queen to wear. I
see the great square enamel brooch with its gold
border carefully being disinterred from its woolly
bed to fasten her Paisley shawl with. The shilling
for the collection (no other money might be
carried on Sunday) lying ready on the toilet-cover
to be slipped into her left-hand glove at the last
moment. I smell again the eau de Cologne, as I
am delighted by a few drops sprinkled upon my
little handkerchief, which is then carefully adjusted
with one corner sticking out of the breast-pocket
of my Garibaldi. And then the sedate emergence
from the house into the solemn outer air of Sun
day, the sacred hush of the building, with its rows
of Sunday-clad people, and the delicious thrill
along the roots of my hair at the opening bars of
the voluntary. Lastly, the entry of Mr. Forrest

GODLESS DAYS 59
the vicar, and his curate, in their white robes, dimly
associated, in my mind, with the garments of
angels. With such memories it is hardly to be wondered
at that I shunned the church, and if, as possibly
may have happened, I ever saw a humble con
venticle with shabbily-dressed worshippers entering,
I had been taught to regard such halls with horror
as the meeting-places of a terrible class of people
called ' Ranters,' who were only to be spoken of
with a shudder.
On board the big steamer I came face to face
with death in appalling guise, for yellow fever was
raging in the last port we left — Port au Prince, in
Hayti — and we had regularly two or three deaths
a day for the first fortnight at sea. They were
buried with the service of the Church, but I was
always kept too busy to attend. I only got
hurried glimpses of that most solemn of all re
ligious services, a burial at sea.
I reached Liverpool penniless except for half-
a-crown given me by a charitable Chinaman when
I went ashore, and was again adrift in my own
country. Once more I pass rapidly over my solitary
wanderings in Liverpool until I again started sea-

60 WITH CHRIST AT SEA
ward, this time in a big ship bound to the East
Indies. Here, too, we were pagans. The only time
on that long voyage that I ever heard the words
of the Master was when we buried Peter Burn in
the tropics, and the rendering of that last service to
our shipmate made a very deep impression upon
me, an impression I have striven several times to
put into the printed word. Here, again, I was
brought into close contact with death, for I was
told off to nurse a man with small-pox, and I
was with him alone when he died on the fore
castle head of the ship as she came into Bimliapa-
tam, on the Coromandel coast of India. But these
impressions, solemn as they were, did not stay
with me beneficially, as far as I am aware, and by
the time we reached London I was becoming
almost as much a pagan as any of my shipmates.
When I left the ship, however, I stayed in a
boarding-house in the West India Dock Road, and
presently found me a girl to walk out with. We
only took two walks, however, for she disgusted
me, and I no less disgusted her. In fact, she told
me that I was such a molly-coddle that I ought to
be taken out in a pram and fed from a 2-3
feeding-bottle. The fact was that my reverence

GODLESS DAYS 61
for womenkind was so great, in spite of my
experience, that I could not bear to hear any of
them talk filth, and when my temporary sweet
heart did so I reproved her with the gravity of an
ancient monk, which, of course, was by no means
to her taste.
I was now growing bigger and more confident.
In consequence I found less difficulty in getting a
ship, and soon I was outward bound to Australia
in a huge American vessel, the crew of which, with
the exception of three or four Scandinavians, were
just a pack of gaol-birds. The skipper, too, was a
very bad man — as bad a man, in fact, as ever
I had the misfortune to come into intimate
relations with. But I was speedily transferred
from the fo'csle to the cabin, all unknown to the
commander, and this move was a most valuable
one. For the elderly Mulatto steward was an
exemplary Christian, a man diligent in his
business and of the meekest and most patient
disposition. He took me entirely away from the
abominations of the fo'csle, and in all ways that
he could think of endeavoured to do me good.
Some of his Biblical teachings and illustrations
were almost as quaint in their misapplication as

62 WITH CHRIST AT SEA
those of my poor black friend Jem in the ' Arabella,'
but I never felt inclined to laugh — the old man
made me love him too much.
The desperadoes forward looted the cargo
continually, almost under the noses of the officers,
and the knowledge of their exploits made me
intensely glad that I was living clear of them, for it
looked to me as if they would be haled off to
prison as soon as we arrived. And the companion
ship of the old steward compensated me for the
loss of all the life and movement that was going
on in the fo'csle. He told me tales of the church
to which he belonged in America, of his great
favourite preacher Lorenzo Dow, of revivals, of
camp-meetings, while I sat enthralled at this
opening up to me of a totally unfamiliar phase of
life. That was a time altogether good, and perhaps
all the sweeter from the knowledge that at any
moment the harsh voice and diabolical frown of
the skipper might break in upon our pleasant chat
and send us flying in different directions to obey
his commands. I lived in mortal terror of him.
His scowl seemed to me so murderous, there
was such a wealth of hatred to all humanity,

GODLESS DAYS 63
as it appeared to me, in his black eyes with their
penthouse brows, that the knowledge of his near
ness to me was like a nightmare. So much did
this terror grow upon me that, in spite of the
affection I felt towards the steward, I made up my
mind to run away as soon as I could after the
ship's arrival in Melbourne. This resolution was
confirmed by the wholesale desertion of the crew
on the evening that we made fast at Sandridge
Pier. When I saw how in spite of their deeds of
robbery they got away unmolested, I set about
packing up my belongings, and a day or two after,
having arranged with the cook of one of the
coasting steamers to stow me away for a passage
to Sydney, I bade my old friend a most affectionate
farewell and departed, making my escape without
any difficulty.
Arriving in Sydney, I soon succeeded in getting
a berth as lamp-trimmer in one of the coasting
steamers, and for the next twelve months made a
pretty complete circuit of the Australasian Colonies,
living on the best of everything, earning good
wages, learning all manner of things harmful to me,
but never by any chance coming across anyone
who was Christianly disposed, and feeling myself

64 WITH CHRIST AT SEA
less and less anxious to seek after God. Often I
would stand on deck when my ship was anchored in
Sydney Harbour on Sunday morning and listen to
the church bells playing ' Sicilian Mariners ' with a
dull ache at my heart, a deep longing for some
thing, I knew not what. But it never got the
length of my going to church. I had good clothes
now, but I had lost the desire. And I never
prayed at all. My language was very bad, but
somehow always stopped short of blasphemy
because I was afraid of God. And some forms of
grosser evil I shunned, also because I was afraid,
not because my desires were not evil. Yes, it was
a barren period.

CHAPTER IV
GODLESS DAYS {continued)
This easy life came to an end abruptly by my,
suddenly developing a longing to see England
again. For the life of me I cannot tell why. There
was apparently no reason why I should desire to
return to the land of my birth, the land where,
since I had lost my early home, I had found
nothing but hard treatment and hunger. No
loving ones awaited me there, or anywhere else in
the wide world, and it was a matter of absolute
certainty that in no case could I expect such
generous pay and treatment as I was receiving in
Australia. But the impulse would not be resisted,
and presently I voluntarily cut myself off from the
life of ease and plenty I had been leading by
signing articles in a barque bound for home via
Rangoon. Physically I was much improved, Australia
having been wonderfully kind to me, but spiritually F

66 WITH CHRIST AT SEA
— well, all my early impressions were, if not
obliterated, lying so dormant that I did not realise
their existence. And although I did not, could
not realise it at the time, I was now taking a
voyage that would give me an exceedingly
dangerous view of Christianity, a view that had
never occurred to me before. It may seem a very
singular thing to some people, but with all my
varied experience packed into a few years I had
never up till that time consciously come into
contact with a hypocrite. In fact, I did not know
what a hypocrite was, except that it was an
exceedingly bad kind of character for which the
first Gentleman in the world's history had thought
no denunciation too severe.
The idea of using religion as a decoy whereby
to entrap trustful souls, as a cloak beneath which
the safe performance of evil deeds might be
indulged in, was a new one entirely to me, but it
was now to be revealed to me in all its hideous
deformity in the person of my new skipper. I
found him behind a public-house bar in Margaret
Street, Sydney, looking exactly like some careless
publican who had been drinking the profits of his
business. He drew me a glass of ale with an air of

GODLESS DAYS 67
proprietorship, his pimply, purple visage all aglow
with recent drinking, and it was there that I
completed my bargain with him. It was very
foolish of me, for a little consideration would have
assured me that such a man was unlikely to be a
good commander to sail under. But I did not
consider, and dearly I paid for my lack of fore
thought. For upon getting to sea we found that
in order to indulge in his vices he had stinted the
ship of provisions, so that only a few days after
leaving that land of most plentiful and cheap food
we were reduced almost to the verge of starvation,
not only by reason of the scantiness of food, but
Decause of the exceeding vileness of what little
was served out to us.
And then I learned to my horror that this man
had obtained his present berth on account of his
being an ardent teetotaller and a sincerely devout
Christian. The owners of the ship were men of
the highest probity and prominence in the world
of Christian effort, who spared no pains to make
their ships as comfortable as they could be made,
and took every precaution they could think of in
the selection of their masters in the hope that thus
their ships might be little centres of God's light at

68 WITH CHRIST AT SEA
sea. Some sailors will smile cynically at this,
remembering firms of whom the same thing has
been often said by interested friends, but whose
ships were far worse found and more meanly run
than the majority of those owned by firms who
made no profession of aims other than purely com
mercial. I should not quarrel with these critics,
because nearly all sailors know of such firms, but
in the present case the owners were certainly not
to blame. We carried two apprentices, both well-
educated and sensible lads, who had begun their
sea-life that voyage and were now half-way
through their time, the vessel having been absent
from home two years when I joined her. And
their testimony, although they were smarting
under a sense of the grossest injustice in the'fact
of theii parents having been mulcted of a large
premium — 60/. each — for the privilege of their
being made scavengers and living worse than
hogs, was that the owners had provisioned the
ship plentifully and well upon leaving home.
They also said that they knew from the skipper's
own information to their parents that his orders
were to purchase without stint the best food that
could be obtained in the colonies.

GODLESS DAYS 69
Yet now I was face to face with the fact that
here was a man who had obtained his position by
the profession of Christianity, and by the assertion
of his desire to hold religious services in the cabin
at every opportunity for the benefit of the souls
of his crew, who was doing his very best to make
the name of the Christian religion stink in the
nostrils of all with whom he came in contact.
Religion was the topic that most frequently came
up for discussion in that vessel's fo'csle, but
never a word was said in its favour by anybody.
I did not take part in these discussions, partly
because of my position as ordinary seaman, which
in those days prohibited the holder of it from
speaking unless he was spoken to, and partly from
a growing feeling that what these men said might
be true — that is, that all professors of religion were
tarred with the same brush as our old skipper.
They agreed among themselves that religion was
invented by cunning men for the purpose of
keeping themselves on the top of things, eating
the fat, drinking the sweet, and clothing them
selves with the wool, while the silly sheep who
listened to these wily inventors were beguiled
into believing that an almighty and all-wise

70 WITH CHRIST AT SEA
Being had ordered the world so — had delegated
His power to this gang of plotting marauders.
We had several Bibles in this fo'csle, but they
were very seldom used by anybody. It did not
seem to occur to the debaters to search the
Scriptures, either to see whether their arguments
could be supported by it or the reverse. I looked
into one occasionally, but in a listless, perfunctory
way, for I had access to a good many other books,
and the old sense of task-work still asserted itself
whenever I took up a Bible.
As showing the utter illogicality of the dis
cussions indulged in it was curious to see how, in
spite of the evidence of the apprentices, the owners
were placed upon precisely the same level of con
demnation as the skipper. Imaginary offences
were alleged against them, the lightest of which
was that they were in the habit of attending the
sales of condemned naval stores, and having made
a sufficient purchase to victual a couple of ships
for lengthy voyages, would forthwith attend a
prayer meeting and offer up thanksgiving for the
success vouchsafed to their honest efforts in
business. Oh ! it was a miserable mole-eyed
business, this constant carping at religion in that

GODLESS DAYS 71
ship's fo'csle, but it was easily explicable, and
certainly the responsibility for it lay at the
skipper's door.
After a most wretched passage we arrived at
Rangoon, where the skipper at once resumed his
harbour habit of putting up at some groggery
ashore, and remaining there steadily soaking
during the vessel's stay in harbour. I do not
intend to expend any space in recapitulating the
events of that stay in Rangoon. I have done it
before rather copiously ; but one incident occurred
which merits more space than I have previously
given to it. It was my meeting with an educated
Chinese at the great Rangoon pagoda. I was
passing my liberty day, since I had scarcely any
money to spend, in a visit to this marvellous place,
and having made the round of the various groups
of buildings, had brought up in one where worship
was proceeding. Here at last I was face to face
with the reality of what I had so often read about,
' the heathen in his blindness bowing down to wood
and stone.' It gave me a severe shock at first,
and then curiosity supervened, and I watched
most keenly the course of the proceedings. I
saw — indeed, I could not help seeing — that there

72 WITH CHRIST AT SEA
was nothing of reverence in this worship. Pal
pably it was just a formal performance of certain
posturings and repetition of certain words enjoined
by custom or ritual. All mechanical, as certain
little actions, by -play during the saying of prayers,
made abundantly manifest. And with a curious
feeling of disappointment at my heart I recalled
the conversations of my shipmates, beginning to
feel that after all they might be correct in their
views, and that all religions were more or less
as much a matter of machinery as this obviously
was. And then a strange thing happened which did
me a World of good. While all these thoughts
had been passing through my mind, with my eyes
fixed upon thq movements of the praying
' phoongyees,' I had not noticed the close proxi
mity of a splendidly-dressed Chinaman, who was
regarding me with quite as much interest as I was
bestowing upon the pseudo-worshippers before me.
At last, having seen a favourable opportunity, I
suppose, my neighbour accosted me. He said,
in purest English without a trace of foreign accent,
' I suppose you do not believe in this form of
worship ? ' I stared up at him in almost stupid

GODLESS DAYS 73
amazement, and then having slowly recovered
from my surprise, I replied, ' Why, certainly not.
How could I? You don't either, I should
imagine.' I confess I was not prepared to hear
him say, ' Oh yes, this is my religion, but you
believe in Jesus Christ, I presume ? ' Thank God
for that question. It swept away as a breath of
wind does the deadly fog-wreath settling down
upon the sea and making navigation full of peril,
the miasmatic mists of unbelief that recent expe- .
rience had caused to settle down upon my mind.
It gave me an opportunity of stating my position
as far as I knew it, gave me, too, an exalted sense
of being able to bear witness to the truth of God
in the person of His Son. Even out of the thick
darkness of my ignorance this light flooded my
soul, and I answered brightly, long-forgotten
lessons coming sharply and clearly into my
memory, ' Yes, I believe in Jesus Christ. He
came to teach us the love of God for man, and to
show us that the way to happiness here and after
death was a plain and straight one. He Himself
was, and is, the Way ; He lived among men doing
kindness to all, and at last, misunderstood, ill-
treated, and broken-hearted, He was put to death.

74 WITH CHRIST AT SEA
And although He could easily have got away and
left us all to ourselves, He did not, but died as a
sacrifice for our sins, the last sacrifice, rightly so
called, that there ever was in the world. And He
waits now up there,' and I pointed above my head,
' to receive all those who have honoured Him by
believing His words.'
Panting with eagerness, full of wonder at my
self for the energy with which I had been pressing
the claims of God — claims that I thought of so
little that I fancied them forgotten — I paused,
looking up into that sphinx-like face. Not a shade
of expression upon it, no gleam of interest, and I
felt much as I should imagine one would feel upon
suddenly discovering that he had been addressing
a stone-deaf man or a waxen effigy which he had
mistaken for a living person. Then the colourless
lips opened and he spoke :
'When I was at Cambridge reading for my
degree,' he said, 'the subject of religion had a
peculiar fascination for me. We Easterns are
invariably of a metaphysical turn of mind, and
problems arise in our discussion of theories intricate
and far-reaching to an extent of which you Western
races can form no estimate. So for a long time,

GODLESS DAYS 75
as a mental recreation, I unravelled the threads
spun by religionists of the West, finding as I went
on less and less difficulty in understanding them,
but led off into recondite speculations whereof the
authors whose works I was studying never even
dreamed. It was most enjoyable, but most un
profitable also from the point of view of the busi
ness for which I was in your country. Therefore
since we Chinese are also an exceedingly prac
tical race, I had no hesitation whatever in aban
doning my speculative researches into religion,
which was, after all, only an intellectual amuse
ment, and resuming my old mental attitude
towards all religion. This is, that so vast a sub
ject is only for the few who are able to devote to
it the study of a lifetime. For the many, it is
enough that they receive as much instruction as is
fitting for them at the hands of the priests, per
form the ordered ceremonies, pay the demanded
cost, and trouble their heads about the why of
the matter nothing at all. After all, who am I
that I should presume to be wiser than the
myriads of my ancestors who lived and died in
this faith ? It sufficed them, and the thin skin of
Western varnish that I have received does not make

76 WITH CHRIST AT SEA
me consider myself wiser or better in any way than
those revered ones who have preceded me.'
He ceased, and I leave it to my readers to
imagine what effect his beautiful voice, his
smoothly-flowing periods, and his, to my awe
struck mind, supernal wisdom had upon me with
my abysmal ignorance and uncultured manners.
In the first place, I felt dirty, rough, and awkward.
In the next, I could find no words to answer him,
although I longed, oh, how I longed ! to say some
thing that might convince him of the superiority
of the God whom I worshipped, however feebly,
over all the world-elected gods. But the odds
were too great. Beside that cultivated pagan I
was as ill at ease as if I had been in the presence
of a king, and I made haste to take leave of him,
glad enough to escape.
I returned on board my ship considerably dis
concerted, and that night began to read the Bible
with an interest I never before felt. I confess
that my interest flagged soon, but fortunately for
me the other books on board were fairly ex
hausted. So I began a practice, which I con
tinued as long as I was at sea, viz. the reading of
a chapter or two on turning in every watch below

GODLESS DAYS 77
if there was light enough to see the words. Not
with any idea of ' being good ' or of obtaining
spiritual benefit, but for information solely. I
had an earnest desire to learn what I felt the
Bible alone could teach, so that in case I should
again meet a foreigner trained in England who
should ask me \such a question as the Chinaman
did I should not look quite so foolish.
Why should I linger over the sordid, miserable
details of that passage to England ? With the
crew absolutely out of hand in consequence of the
skipper's disgusting behaviour, it was only some
lingering compunction in their minds that kept
them obedient to the two mates, who were much
liked. The sailors abused the master to his face
whenever he dared to give an order or attempted
in any way to show his authority. It was the
only way they had of showing their resentment at
the long months of starvation which we needlessly
endured on the passage home. At last it dragged
lingeringly to a close, and we found ourselves
anchored at Gravesend. A gentle-faced mission
ary came on board to talk to the crew, and having
first obtained permission from the officers, he
stepped forward to the fo'csle. The sight of his

78 WITH CHRIST AT SEA
clerical garb — he was a Churchman — acted upon
the fellows as a red flag is said to do upon a bull,
but although they said some horrible things before
he came within hearing, no sooner had he, lifting
his hat, asked permission to enter our gloomy
abode than they were all dumb. It was a most
painful situation for him, coming upon an errand
of mercy to be met with speechless anger.
As the voyage was practically ended, I made
bold to break the fo'csle etiquette for once, which
forbade an ordinary seaman to speak while his
superiors were silent, and addressing him respect
fully, I said : ' I'm afraid, sir, you wonder at your
reception, but with your permission I will explain
matters a little. This vessel is owned by a firm
notorious for their profession of religion, and we
are told that one member of the firm preaches
every Sunday. The skipper was chosen to com
mand because he professed to be a Christian and
a teetotaller, so that she is what you might call a
holy ship. Yet during the whole voyage the
skipper has, whenever possible, been drunk ; he
was notorious in every port the vessel has called
at for his lecherous behaviour, and his attempts to
swindle public-house keepers and others of the

GODLESS DAYS 79
same class. Through this conduct of his we have
been reduced to skin and bone, as you see, and,
rightly or wrongly, but quite excusably, I think,
we've considered skipper and owners as beastly
hypocrites altogether. Look at this, sir ! ' and as
I spoke I laid before him a mess-kid — a small tub
— in which lay a piece of something that looked
exactly like a lump of dirty white salt. ' Do you
know what this is, sir ? ' I inquired. He looked
at it earnestly for some time before answering,
then said, reluctantly I thought, ' No, I confess I
do not know what it can be. Some curious
mineral, perhaps.' ' No, sir,' I rejoined triumph
antly, ' that is the allowance of beef for five men
for one day, yesterday, and to show you that I am
not imposing upon you ' — here I broke off a piece
and showed him the grain of the meat and the bone
within. Then taking a fragment in my hands I
rubbed it into a fine powder, so absolutely without
( succulence or nourishment had it become. Then
I showed him some biscuit, which, lightly tapped
upon the deck, fell into a little heap of grey rub
bish, crawling with vermin.
That good man's face was a study. He looked
sick, disgusted, disheartened. ' You are not surprised

80 WITH CHRIST AT SEA
now, are you, sir, that the men do not look upon
you as a minister of religion with favour ? A long
course of this treatment, which they believe to have
been meted out to them under cover of religion,
has made them feel revengefully towards all pro
fessors of religion whatever.' Sadly he answered :
' No, I cannot say that 1 am. But I am so sorry,
so sorry ! I can only go — and pray for you all,
hoping that you will learn that for the wicked
ness of wolves in sheep's clothing God is not to
blame. Good-bye, men, and God bless you ! '
So he went, and I looked after him with a
feeling that he had been very badly treated for
what he was powerless to help. But I have often
thought since that he was too easily discouraged.
He might have tried to explain the difference be
tween professors of religion and Christians. I feel
sure that a little genial talk would have broken
down the sullen reserve of my shipmates, and
perhaps made them feel that there might be, after
all, some real followers of the Man who went about
doing good.
I spent about three weeks in London enjoying
myself in rational fashion, that is to say, I lived on
good food, drank little, read a great deal, and

GODLESS DAYS 81
visited all the sights of London. Then, before my
money was all gone, I got another ship as ordinary
seaman, the fine clipper ' Rangitiki,' bound to Port
Chalmers, New Zealand. How my heart thrills as
I write the name of that place, to me the dearest
spot upon the whole earth's surface. But I must
not anticipate.
We carried a fairly large number of passengers
and a pretty good crew, but two-thirds of them
were paralysed with drink when they came on
board, and before they were fit for duty we were
out in mid-channel in mid-winter, struggling with
the handiwork of riggers who did not care what
became of the ship once she was out of their sight.
A whole chapter might be written in the most
lurid terms, that should nevertheless not be in the
least exaggerated, of the miseries of such a begin
ning to a voyage. Only [those who have been
through it can form any idea of its horror, when in
the grip of a winter gale, in imminent danger of
collision, a half-dead crew are struggling vainly
with half-bent sails and wrongly-rove gear through
the long hours of a terrible night. But under such
circumstances men go about their work in me
chanical fashion, dumbly enduring pain and cold
G

82 WITH CHRIST AT SEA
and the extremity of toil, and when once the strain
is over they forget it all like children. But, oh, the
danger of it !
This, too, was a Godless ship, as far as any
recognition by the powers aft of any religious
duties went. But for me she was a blessed craft
indeed. . As I have before hinted, I was now a
pretty rough character, strong and hearty, and
living for what little pleasure I could get out of
life. To my mind the world was inhabited by
selfish people who never did a kind action but with
an eye to profit, and as to religion, well, there
might be something in it ; but as far as my expe
rience went, it was all veneer for money-making
purposes. So low had I sunk. Now on board of
this vessel there was a lank, swarthy lad of about
my own age, who from his awkwardness, his use-
lessness, and his extremely comical appearance
was the butt of all hands, but especially of the
very wicked apprentices with whom he lived.
He suffered agonies in sea-sickness for nearly three
weeks, and I, who have never quite got the upper
hand of that sea-scourge, was very sympathetic
towards him. He was a lad of good family, who
was, although nominally an ordinary seaman,

GODLESS DAYS 83
really taking the voyage for the benefit of his
health. And when he became convalescent, being
in the same watch as myself, we chummed up, and
through the long night watches in fine weather we
talked incessantly.
He had been a postulant in Llanthony Abbey,
a born mystic, who in ancient days would have
worn the martyr's crown with great joy. His
health, however, failed under the tremendous
mental strain, and he was obliged to abandon the
monastic idea. He was, besides, an artist, a pas
sionate lover of poetry, a great reader, and a
gentleman to his finger tips. And in return for
such small material help as I had been able to
give him, he poured out upon me the riches with
which his mind was stored. He spoke of Father
Ignatius, so lovingly, so tenderly ; of the solemn
round of life in the Abbey, of the inner mysteries
of the Christian faith as cherished in monkish
bosoms. Then he plied me with poetry — even
now I fancy I can see him in the gloom under the
break of the poop, declaiming in a strenuous
whisper long passages from the ' Golden Legend '
and the ' Idylls of the King.' Only in this way
was he able tb overcome my ignorant hatred of

84 WITH CHRIST AT SEA
poetry, and change it as he did into the most
passionate admiration. Then he fought down my
cynical opinion of friendship, telling me story after
story out of his own experience about the faith
fulness of friends, their disinterestedness, their
unwearied clinging to those whom they had be
friended, as if they were under the obligation
themselves. Yet in all these long talks, although I was
soaking up knowledge like a sponge, there was
never a single word of spiritual import, never a hint
of our jointly approaching the Father and follow
ing in the footsteps of His Son. It was all
external religion, external beauty, for which,
perhaps, the natural shyness of English lads was
to blame. But the time when all that should be
altered was close at hand.

CHAPTER V
THE DAWN
WE reached our port after a very rapid passage,
and at once proceeded to our moorings at Port
Chalmers Wharf. Being by this time very well
accustomed to strange sights, I was in no wise
impressed by the pretty little town beyond noting
that it was pretty and that the surrounding country
was exceedingly picturesque. A ship's first day
in a foreign port is usually a busy time for the
sailors getting her into harbour-trim — that is, un
bending sails, stripping off chafing gear, neatly
fastening up the coils of running rigging, &c.
Therefore none of us had much leisure for looking
around until work was done for the day, and then
it was dark. Nevertheless, we all noticed that
nestling under the side of a huge hill that over
looked the wharves were several buildings, con
spicuous among them being a square warehouse-
looking erection of three floors, and, a little to the

86 WITH CHRIST AT SEA
right of it, a much more ornate building, also of
three floors, bearing the legend, ' Port Hotel.' As
these conspicuous houses lay right at the end of
the pier at which we were moored, they naturally
attracted our attention first.
When evening came and, released from labour,
we strolled ' up town,' we speedily found that the
little port was not without attractidns specially
designed for seamen. One of these soon claimed
me, for I heard singing, an attraction I was never
able to resist if I could, by any means, gain admit
tance to where it was going on. In this case
admittance was free. A large room at the back of
a ' hotel ' — all public-houses are hotels in Australia
and New Zealand — plainly furnished with benches
and tables, with a platform and a piano, was set
apart as a ' free and easy,' to which all were
welcomed as potential purchasers of drink. The
place was respectable and well-conducted, no
rowdyism of any kind being allowed. ' Any
gentleman willing to oblige ' stepped up on to the
platform, sang his song, and retired, and to keep
matters going, the landlord himself mounted the
platform at intervals and obliged, being applauded
uproariously, despite the undoubted poverty of his

THE DAWN 87
performance. Drunkenness was not permitted on
the premises, and if, as sometimes happened, a
toper took sufficient away with him in a bottle to
complete his fuddlement, Nemesis usually overtook
him in the shape of a particularly vigilant con
stable, and severe punishment , invariably followed,
for drunkenness and vagrancy were by no means
venial offences in New Zealand.
So, in the course of the first week, I became a
regular attendant at the sing-song, where for six
pence one might spend an hour or two pleasantly
enough away from the ship's gloomy fo'csle.
Then came Sunday, when not feeling sufficiently
fine in. dress to go ashore among the neatly-clad
population, two or three of us borrowed a boat and
went fishing until dark. After supper (six P.M.)
someone suggested that we should go up to the
hotel where the sing-song was held, for, although
the Sunday Closing Act was in force, we should
be sure to find the back door open, and we could
go in, get a drink, and meet our friends. Agreed,
we would go. Accordingly my shipmate and
myself were soon strolling along the pier town-
wards with that leisurely swagger peculiar to
sailors, and had reached the open space in front

88 WITH CHRIST AT SEA
of the warehouse before mentioned, when a burst
of melody floating overhead on the evening air
brought me up all standing. It was so sweet, so
unearthly, that all sorts of queer sensations chased
one another over my body, and when my com
panion said, ' Come along,' I waved him off with
an impatient gesture. I could not bear to be
interrupted in my exquisite enjoyment of those
celestial sounds. They ceased, and my chum said
quietly, ' I know what it is ; it's a meetin'. I ben
to 'em before. Let's go in.' ' Not me,' I answered.
' I don't go shoving my nose where it isn't wanted.
Maybe it's a few friends having a few hymns for
their own pleasure on a Sunday night' But even
while I spoke I was filled with a deep longing to
get nearer to that lovely music, although failing
any possibility of that' I would have been well
content to stand just where I was until midnight.
So fond was I of music that I have often in Sydney
given the last sixpence I had to street musicians
whose performances were specially to my liking.
While I stood anxiously waiting for the music
to begin again, my companion murmured, ' Hold
on a bit. I'll go and see if we can get in,' and
hurried towards the building. In a few minutes

THE DAWN 89
he returned triumphantly, saying, ' I told ye so ;
they begged me to call you in, sayin' that we was
hearty welcome ; it was got up for the like of us.'
' All right, go ahead,' I replied, more gratified than
I could express, but I was somewhat surprised still
to find such an affair under way in a warehouse.
We climbed a steep and tortuous series of stairs
to the top of the building, where a sweet-faced
little man with, fair whiskers met us, and, giving us
books, conducted us to a seat among the benches
a few rows from the platform. As soon as he had
left us I looked wonderingly around, for I had
never been in such a place before. It was a sail-
loft, an immense bare room with naked rafters
overhead and brick walls just Whitewashed. The
seats were rough wooden forms, with the excep
tion of a few chairs on the platform, where was
also a small table. Gathered close to the platform
was a little company of well-dressed men and
women intent upon the words of a thick-set, dark-
visaged man, who was addressing them volubly,
with a book in his hand. Suddenly I heard him
say, ' Now then, one, two,' and with a sweep of his
arm he launched them into another burst of song,
quite unaccompanied, but wonderfully sweet.

9o WITH CHRIST AT SEA
I sat spellbound. What with my unfamiliar
surroundings, the delightful sounds, and my wonder
at what would come next, the time flew past so
rapidly that although we were almost the first
arrivals and the preliminary singing lasted an hour
we did not appear to have been there more than
five minutes before there was an expectant hush.
Three gentlemen, including the dark little choir
leader, mounted the platform, and the latter,
stepping forward, said, ' Friends, we will commence
our meeting to-night by singing with all our hearts
that beautiful prayer, "Jesu, lover of my soul,"
number  in the books you have. And will
you all remember that it is a prayer ? Although
written in rhyme and sung to music, it is as much
a prayer as " Our Father," and I hope that all who
sing it will not for one moment allow the fact to
be forgotten. So will you certainly be blessed in
your singing.'
I listened eagerly, reverently, but when the
large audience which had now gathered rose to
their feet, and at the . signal from the leader the
choir burst into the opening bars of ' Hollingside,'
I was reduced to blind dumbness. The pent-up
feelings of years broke loose, scalding tears ran

THE DAWN 91
down, and something stuck in my throat like a
ball. I knew that tune so well, and I had not
heard it sung since those happy days in the Old
Lock Chapel, which seemed to belong to another
life. But by a strong effort I recovered my com
posure, and then, how I did sing ! I just abandoned
myself to an ecstasy of pure joy.
The singing ceased and we sat down. Then a
gentleman on the platform prayed. He offered up
a prayer that, allowing for the different diction,
sent my mind flying back to poor black Jem of
the ' Arabella.' For it was a prayer, not a formula.
The utterer, while deeply reverent as became one
in the secret chamber of the King's House, was
also quietly confident. And he did not do that
evil thing that I have so often heard done since—
preach at his audience under pretence of praying
to God. Just as a child asks its mother for food,
so he asked God for definite recognition of the
efforts of his friends and himself for the benefit of
those present, especially the sailors.
Just here I would like to repeat that while to
so many of my readers the above description is
but an exact record of facts, perhaps the best
known of their lives, to me all that was going on

92 WITH CHRIST AT SEA
was absolutely novel. Never before in my life
had I been in such a place or heard such a service
as this. May I then be forgiven for minutely
recording my impressions, bearing in mind the
infinite importance, to me, of the whole affair ?
The prayer ended, we sang another hymn —
surely, I thought, there was never such a beautiful
collection of hymns as this one — and after the
hymn, the little dark choir-leader produced his
Bible and read the first chapter of Isaiah. As I
listened, I got an idea of the exquisiteness of
perfect prose. For the reader was not only a
scholar, but a splendid reader, who read the Bible
as if it were a living message to living men thirst
ing for it, and not as if the understanding of it
were the last thing necessary, the fact of it having
been gabbled or muttered or intoned over, how
ever unintelligibly, being the main point. I sup
pose that in the whole of our splendid literature
there is no book that is so shamefully treated by
being read aloud as is the Bible. Why, I do not
know, but the fact remains. I have heard men of
the highest scholarly attainments read the Bible
so vilely that my face has burned with indignation
as I thought of the unpardonable waste of oppor-

THE DAWN 93
tunity, especially knowing that the same men
would have perfectly declaimed a page of Shake
speare. Then more singing, I could not get enough of
that — followed by another novelty to me, a solo
from the choir-leader, ' The Ninety and Nine.'
Oh, what pathos, what a depth of yearning love
for the souls of men he did impart to that simple
little poem with its bald tune ! I could have
melted in tears, but with tightly-shut lips and
hardly breathing, I managed to maintain control
of myself. Then one of the two other gentlemen
spoke, quite nicely, I thought, but not sufficiently
clear and direct to hold my attention. Full of
earnestness, full of kindly intention, but so dis
cursive and disconnected that I found my thoughts
wandering sadly, and, had the service ended with
that address, I should not now be writing these
words. For the novelty was wearing off, and I
was becoming critical. But before this deadening
process had gone on too long, the speaker ceased
his address, and another hymn was sung. At its
close the energetic leader of the choir, who had
charmed me so much by his reading, advanced to
the verge of the platform and began to speak. I

94 WITH CHRIST AT SEA
was all attention now, for the Gospel was being
unfolded in all its simplicity and directness. I
felt as if there was only one person there for whom
those words were meant — me. I listened with all
my soul, every syllable coming with such force to
my heart and understanding as I have never since
heard. There were no tricks of oratory, no decla
mation, no attempt to frighten ; indeed, it was a
tender appeal from a heart overflowing with loving
desire to help a fellow wayfarer out of darkness
into the Lightened Way of Life.
I do not know how long the address lasted.
I only knew that something was being offered to
me that I felt I must have. I felt like one who
after long wandering in a gloomy labyrinth, so
long that he had grown to accept the gloom and
the maze as the settled conditions of his life, from
which there was no hope of escape, had suddenly
seen open before him a door leading into sun-
lighted meadows with a delightful prospect
stretching beyond into infinity. Any words,
however, can only feebly express the intense
longing of my being, for an experience of this
personal, loving acquaintance with the sympathetic
man Christ Jesus, so earnestly set forth by the

THE DAWN 95
speaker. And yet, when at the close of his
address he invited all who were moved to seek
the Lord to stay behind for further consideration
of the matter, while those who wished to leave
were departing, I was filled with a torturing shy
ness. Had my chum, whose existence I had
forgotten until that moment, although he was
sitting by my side, risen and said, ' Come along,'
I fear I should have gone. But to my unspeak
able relief, instead of doing that he leaned
towards me whispering, ' I sh'd like to stop, ole
man.' ' So sh'd I,' I replied eagerly, and together
we waited while the choir sang away, and the
audience thinned out until there were only about
a dozen anxious ones scattered over the waste of
empty benches.
Presently all was quiet, and I sat with my face
buried in my hands just waiting for — I knew not
what. My mind was a confused whirl of thoughts,
out of which nothing definite emerged but that
deep sense of heart-hunger. While I thus sat in
painful expectation of the performance of some
miracle a hand was gently laid upon my shoulder.
Looking up, I saw a man whom I had not noticed
before. He sat down by my side and began to

96 WITH CHRIST AT SEA
ask me questions, such as, ' Did I want to be
saved ? What was my difficulty ? Why did I
not come to the Lord now ? ' and so on, questions
which I felt utterly incapable of answering. I
did not know what I wanted — I did not know
anything, except that I was trembling with eager
anticipation of a possible blessed setting free from
a life I hated, and being placed in intimate
relationship with this intensely lovable personal
Friend of whom I had been hearing. I am afraid
my interlocutor was a little disgusted at what he
not unnaturally took to be utter stupidity, for with
a little sharpness in his voice, instantly noted and
resented by me, he began to catechise me as to
the conditions of the Christian faith. Here I was
at home, my mind cleared at once, and I not only
answered his questions easily, but put others to
him which surprised him. At last he said, ' Well,
if you know these things, you must be sayed. I
don't see where your difficulty lies.' ' Neither do
I,' I replied ; ' but although I have known these
things, as you say, ever since I was old enough
to think, that knowledge hasn't kept me from being
miserable, hasn't kept me from the fear of being
damned.'

THEf DAWN 97
A few more words passed between us, and then
he left me with a discontented look upon his face.
But I cannot hope to give any idea of the miser
able state of mind I was now in. It seemed to
me as if the gates of a goodly city of which I, so
long an outcast, should be an honoured freeman,
had just been opened far enough to give me a
comprehensive view of the glories within, and
then, as I was about to enter, those portals had
closed against me, shutting me out again into the
dark desert of despair, lonely beyond all telling.
I do not say that my feelings could have been as
definitely stated then ; indeed, I am sure they
could not, because I know that I was as one who
has received a mortal wound, whose nerve-centres
refuse to perform their office of intelligently dis
tributing his sensations.
While in this sad frame, oblivious of all that
was passing around me, another hand touched me.
Now, it may seem difficult to believe, but I declare
that the touch of that hand gave me a thrill of
hope. Why, I do not profess to explain, but the
fact I know and record gratefully. Looking up,
I saw the face of the dark little man who had so
moved me by his earnest commendation to his
H

98 WITH CHRIST AT SEA
hearers of the brother-love of the sorrowful Man.
Meeting my dim, stupid gaze with a look full of
sympathy, he held out his hand, and when I took
it he did not let it go, but drew himself down by
it, as it were, to a seat by my side.
' My dear boy,' he said, ' I am not going to ask
you what your difficulties are. I have no right to
do so, but I am going to tell you that He who has
removed mine is ready to remove yours. Ready,
yes, and eager to take that despairing look from
your eyes, to show you the delights of His
unchangeable love. Listen, " He that believeth on
Me, though he were dead, yet shall he live, and he
that liveth and believeth on Me shall never die.
Believest thou this ? " ' As he looked inquiringly
I replied, ' Yes, I believe ; I dare not say I do
not believe. I have always believed, even when
through hearing my shipmates denying His
existence, I have been tempted to agree with
them.' ' Then you have entered upon everlasting
life,' he said triumphantly. I sorrowfully shook
my head, saying, ' Oh, no, I cannot, I dare not say
that ; it wouldn't be true ! I haven't the slightest
feeling of the kind, and it would be a lie to say
that I have.' ' Oh, I see ! ' he answered. ' Very

THE DAWN 99
well, then let me put a case. Supposing that you
were worrying dreadfully about a debt which you
could not pay. You know me as a very wealthy
man, who is not only fond of doing kind deeds, but
whose trustworthiness is beyond suspicion. It
comes to my knowledge that you are in trouble,
and I tell you that I have paid your debt. You
say that you believe me because you feel that I
deserve to be believed ; you profess entire faith in
me, but you still go on worrying about that debt.
Instead of going about with a light heart rejoicing
in your freedom, you are bowed down with care.
Would that not prove that you did not really
believe what I said, but that you were waiting
for some other proof of my truth to produce the
feeling of safety you longed for ? '
' Yes, it would,' I replied. ' Well, then listen
to me, or, rather, listen to Jesus : " He that
believeth on Me hath everlasting life, and shall not
come into condemnation, but is passed from death
unto life." Do you believe this ? ' ' Yes,' I
whispered. 'Then you have passed from death
unto life, you are in the timeless state of eternal
life, are you not?' 'No,' I answered doggedly.
' Ah, I see how it is, friend. You are waiting for

ioo WITH CHRIST AT SEA
the witness of your feelings to the truth of Him
who is the Truth. You dare not take Him at
His word unless your feelings, which are subject
to a thousand changes a day, corroborate it. Do
believe Him, in spite of your feelings, and act
accordingly.' Every word spoken by the earnest little man
went right to my heart, and when he ceased there
was an appeal in his eyes that was even more
eloquent than his words. But beyond the words
and the look was the interpretation of them to me
by some mysterious agency beyond all my com
prehension. For in a moment the hidden mystery
was made clear to me, and I said quietly, ' I see,
sir ; it is the credibility of God against the witness
of my feelings. Then I believe God.' ' Let us
thank God,' answered the little man, and together
we knelt down by the bench.
Little more was said, wisely on his part, because
although that which I so sorely needed was now
mine, I was only able to grasp one idea at a time ;
all the rest of my mind was still numbed. There
was no extravagant joy, no glorious bursting into
light and liberty such as I have since read about as
happening on those occasions ; it was just a lesson

THE DAWN 101
learned — the satisfaction consequent upon finding
one's way after long groping in darkness and
misery — a way that led to peace.
I love that description of conversion as the
' new birth.' No other definition touches the truth
of the process at all. So helpless, so utterly
knowledgeless, possessing nothing but the con
sciousness of Life just begun is the new-born
Christian. For this reason I have always mis
trusted frantic demonstrations of joy in those
professing to have just entered into Life. Happi
ness there certainly is, but it is the happiness of
one who after long delirium of fever awakes one
morning with cool hands and head, a delicious
sensation of restfulness pervading every nerve, a
consciousness of serene enjoyment of the dawn
smiling in through the window, of the fresh clean
liness of the room, of healthy hunger presently to
be satisfied. But I had forgotten my chum for the time.
My first impulse upon the settlement of the great
question was to tell him, so I turned eagerly to
where he had been sitting, meeting his bright face
as full of satisfaction as my own. He told me,
however, that his joy arose from the fact that he

102 WITH CHRIST AT SEA
had returned after a time of backsliding — that he
had been converted two years before, but had
wandered away, and oh, how glad he was to get
back ! We exchanged confidences with childish
eagerness, full of affectionate interest in each
other, until I said, ' Well, I suppose we must be
going, although I feel as if I should like to stay
here. I dread going back to the ship.' And then
a sudden thought seized me, and I whispered, ' I
should like to die now.' I did not then know how
old that feeling was, the feeling of the demoniac
when his devils had been cast out that he must
forsake all and follow Jesus, although the Master
bids him return and be a missionary to his own
people. So we quietly rose to depart, and had reached
the top of the stairs when one of the choir came
running after us and bade us welcome to some
body's house for a little refreshment. Gladly and
gratefully we went with the party to a very nice
house, whose beautiful furniture and air of comfort
was a revelation to me. I had never been in such
a place before since I was old enough to notice
it. There we were pleasantly fed and entertained
with conversation and singing, and when at last

THE DAWN 103
the party broke up we felt that we had made quite
a large circle of friends, each one of whom would
be glad to see us at any reasonable time and do
his or her best to make us feel at home.
We said little to each other as we returned on
board, only ' Good night and God bless you ! ' as my
chum went to his berth and I sought mine. To my
great relief the fo'csle was quite quiet —all hands were
asleep. So I knelt down by a chest and thanked
God for His Fatherly care and love in bringing me
to this place and permitting me to find these
people. I did not ask for anything ; I was full of
thanksgiving for benefits received. And imme
diately I got into my bed, miserable heap of straw
though it was, I fell sound asleep, as befitted one
from whose mind every care had flown.
Returning to work next morning, I was sur
prised to find how easily everything went. Orders
had been given to clean and paint the ship inside
and out, and at a job like this, with energetic
officers, a great deal of hard work is done with its
usual concomitant of blasphemous growling. But
I had no desire to growl. It seemed the easiest
thing in the world to be willing and obedient, to
do everything that was given me to do with the

io4 WITH CHRIST AT SEA
utmost care, and endeavour to make the job as
perfect as I was able. Then when breakfast time
came, after carrying in the food, instead of rushing
upon my share, I felt inclined to wash, a thing
which excited several derisive remarks at so unusual
a proceeding. I felt myself a quiet wonder at this
impulse, but obeyed it, sitting down afterwards to
my unsavoury meal with a fervent ' thank God,'
another impulse for which I could not account.
The day wore to a close in this strange fashion.
Generally very fond of chat, I seemed to-day only
anxious to enjoy the soundless peace within, not
attempting to analyse its reasons. In the midst
of all the turmoil about me I felt as one feels who
loves Nature and finds himself on a perfect June
morning lying alone on a lonely hillside in Surrey,
with the returning life of the land bidding his heart
rejoice in the unspoken language of Infinite Love.
Or at the dayspring in the tropics when the plain
of ocean lies, like the Apocalyptic sea, under the
first kiss of the sun, the sails hang motionless in
windless silence, and the universe is sensibly sur
charged with the peace of God. But all similes
fail to suggest truly the rest-time of the soul when
it has for the first time heard the loving voice of

THE DAWN 105
the All-Father, and has found that instead of
coming to an awful judgment-seat, overshadowed
by the terrible frown of an offended Jehovah, it is
welcomed by the still small Voice of a Father
yearning over wandering ones, by the enfolding arms
of the Nazarene Carpenter, whose contact conveys
perfect life and peace and joy beyond all thought.
Also I found that for the first time for several
years I had not used a single oath all day. And
I remembered the many occasions when I had,
with many tears, bound myself with the strongest
vows possible to cease from swearing, and had
always failed lamentably. Yet to-day, without an
effort on my part, without giving the matter a
moment's thought, I had found my tongue holden.
No sooner had work ceased, and my service to my
shipmates was done, than I dressed and hurried
ashore for more communion with those to whom I
felt I owed so much. I found only one of them,
no meeting being held, but that one, although he
was busy at his trade of a barber, received me with
such a beaming smile of welcome that I felt my
lip quivering like a baby's. Coming on top of the
day's experience, that look of loving welcome was
almost more than my softened heart could bear.

CHAPTER VI
NEW SAILING ORDERS
Amid all the scrubbing, painting, and polishing
that went on during that week, a rumour steadily
gained ground amongst us that, owing to the
Master's leaving, all hands would be discharged.
Now all sailors look upon this proceeding as their
right, although the articles expressly stipulate that
the crew shall serve under 'the said Master or
anyone who shall lawfully succeed him.' Whether
it be general I do not know, but on this occasion
the sailors' wishes were yielded to, and on the
completion of the work all who wished to leave
the ship were paid off — that is to say, everybody
left her except the apprentices. I should have
left her, given the opportunity, in any case, having
all a merchant seamen's love of change for one
thing, and because wages in this place were nearly
double what we were then receiving.
But under the new conditions which had be-

NEW SAILING ORDERS 107
fallen me, I looked upon the permission to leave
the ship as a direct answer to my prayer to be
taken out of the sea-life altogether. I felt terrified
at the idea of having to go again to sea and live
in the midst of the blasphemy, obscenity, and
squalor of the fo'csle. For all on a sudden my
taste, my desires, had changed, and that so com
pletely, that I loathed the conditions under which
I had been earning my living. I declare that I
felt as one would feel, I imagine, who had been
accustomed to live in all the refinement and com
fort of a wealthy home from birth, and was now
suddenly face to face with the prospect of life in a
ship's fo'csle, with the added disadvantage of
knowing exactly what was in store for him. I do
not profess to explain or defend this attitude of
mind, or say that it was a necessary adjunct to
the new life of the soul, but I know that it was
there, and would not be put away.
I mentioned my longings to my new friends,
who were all full of kindness, and I know did all
in their power to assist me. I applied for various
situations, highly recommended by these Christian
men, but as soon as I came to be examined as to
my qualifications, my hopes were all dashed. My

io8 WITH CHRIST AT SEA
one accomplishment outside the ordinary work of
a seaman — a love of reading — was utterly value
less. I could hardly write so as to be readable, I
could not cast up a column of figures. In short,
I was only fit to be a day labourer. At last I got
work upon a farm with a Christian family, but my
utter ignorance of farm work made it impossible
for me to earn any pay beyond my food, and I
was soon disheartened at doing that. Moreover,
the farm was far away from all my friends, and I
wanted to be near them, to learn all that they
could teach me of the Way of Life.
So it came about that I was driven by the
inevitable force of circumstances back to the sea
again, my only comfort being that tendered me
by the dear little barber. He pointed out to me
how great a dearth of Christians there was on
board ship, what a scope was there afforded for
living the Gospel and spreading the Light. He
weighted his arguments by the story of the healed
demoniac who pleaded for permission to follow
Jesus, but was bidden to return to his own people
and his own country, and there tell what great
things the Lord had done for him.
And now, for reasons that seem sufficient to

NEW SAILING ORDERS 109
me, principally because I do not desire to go over
the same ground too much, and secondly because
the present seems to be a pleasant opportunity to
gratify the hundreds of friends all over the world
who have written asking for more details of my
life after leaving the ' Cachalot,' I propose to take
a great stride forward. It may be well to state in
so doing that my spiritual development was very
slow, happily for me, throughout that time. I
read my Bible continually, not only for the heart-
food it contained, but with keenest delight ; for my
poetry lessons on board the ' Rangitiki ' had been so
far entirely profitable in that they had shown me
that the Bible was nearly all poetry. This dis
covery was followed up by purchase at an old
book-shop of a Paragraph Bible, wherein the baffling
divisions of the Book into chapters and verses had
been done away with, and wherever the words
were metrical, they were so arranged.
In all my reading I do not remember anything
that has afforded me such delight as this discovery
did. From henceforth the Bible was full of music,
and to this day I always associate the reading of
Job or Isaiah with the cadences of a great organ,
or the chanting of thousands of white-robed priests

no WITH CHRIST AT SEA
at the dedication of the Temple. For this delight
of insight and appreciation I was, of course, in
debted to my enthusiastic friend on board the
' Rangitiki,' about whom I would dearly like to say
very much, but that his story belongs to himself,
and I am not without hope that he will some day
give it to the world. The other young friend, who
sat by my side upon that ever-to-be-remembered
night in the sail-loft at Port Chalmers, shipped
almost immediately after leaving the ' Rangitiki,'
and I never saw or heard of him again.
Once more, to my great delight, after a long,
long absence, I found myself at Port Chalmers, no
longer a boy, but a young man, fit and confident
or his life-work, whatever that might be. I did
not yet feel reconciled to the sea as a means of
livelihood, but was fast becoming aware that, for a
long time to come, I should be of no use in any
situation ashore that I could think of. My friends
in Port Chalmers had not only not forgotten me,
they welcomed me with a warmth that was deeply
affecting. Let me say here that in all my expe
rience among them I never found one that tried
to make of me a proselyte to his particular
denomination. I know, of course, that there are

NEW SAILING ORDERS in
many most estimable and lovable Christians who
hate the word • undenominational ' most heartily
— in their minds it is almost, if not quite, a
synonym for unchristian. To my mind, this atti
tude is a most painful and disheartening one. In
all secular affairs it is recognised that one absolute
essential to success in any undertaking is that all
those who have its interests at heart shall pull
together, be of one mind, as far as its fortunes are
concerned. Why, then, should Christianity be, as
Drummond so wisely called it, 'The Great
Exception ' ? Even the most mole-eyed contro
versialist must acknowledge the loss of power
involved in the friction arising over differences in
non-essentials. Perhaps, however, this is a little out of my line.
It arises from my recollection of the manner in
which the Baptists, the Wesleyans, the Presby
terians, the Brethren, and the Episcopalians in
Port Chalmers at that time tacitly agreed to sink
all minor differences in their combined onslaught
upon the common enemy. And we poor sailors
who were gathered in there were never allowed to
feel for one moment that there was any jealousy
between the different bodies, or that it mattered

ii2 WITH CHRIST AT SEA
one pin's-point whither we went to worship. There
had been one exception to this good rule, beside
the Romish communion — which, of course, could
not allow any of her sons to work with heretics —
the Episcopalian. But that was speedily altered
by the coming of a new incumbent, the Rev.
Lorenzo Moore, who at once in the heartiest
manner announced his intention of assisting in
the mission work among seamen, and proved a
most valuable helper.
I went to his church when I discovered this,
and although it would be impossible for me to
explain how delighted I felt at the new meaning
all those beautiful prayers now had for me, I cdn
say that my visit gave me a restful sense of having
returned home. The preacher. announced at that
service an approaching confirmation, and carefully
explained the significance of the rite. This set
me thinking. Was it not necessary that I should
relieve my sponsors of their obligations, even though
it was probably true that they themselves had
never realised them ? Deciding that it was, I
seized the first opportunity afforded me of calling
upon Mr. Moore and asking if I might be admitted.
He received me most lovingly, and when my

NEW SAILING ORDERS n3
errand was hesitatingly explained he laid his hand
paternally on my shoulder, saying, ' Do you think
that being confirmed will make you any better, or
will add any certainty to your salvation ? ' With
out a moment's hesitation I answered, ' No ; I
only wanted to relieve my sponsors of their vows.'
' In that case,' he replied, ' I bid you heartily
welcome ; but had you been under the impression
that any outside application was necessary to your
salvation, or that anything but a change of heart
was of real importance in the sight of our Father,
I should have refused.' Then we had a long and
delightful talk, at the end of which he told me that
I need attend none of the classes, as he was
assured that my knowledge of the required con
ditions was far nearer perfection than any candi
date he had ever examined. So, in due time, I
was confirmed by, I think, the Bishop of Dunedin,
and feeling satisfied that I at any rate had done
my duty, dismissed the matter from my mind.
Next Sunday I came to the Lord's Table,
trembling like one in an ague fit with contending
emotions, but never for one instant imagining that
the bread and wine were anything but symbols —
a sort of commemoration meal, taken in obedience I

114 WITH CHRIST AT SEA
to the wish of the Man Christ Jesus that His
friends should remember His loving work on earth
for them and its apparently hopeless but really
triumphant end. It was several years before I
broke bread in a church again.
On this second visit I renewed my eager efforts
to obtain work ashore, but all in vain. In fact, had
it not been for the ungrudging hospitality of my
friends ashore I must have left the port long before
I did, as I was penniless. But although I was
really, as the Scotch say, ' sorning ' on those dear
people, and I often wonder how I had the face to
do it so long, the experience was invaluable. The
refinement of those pleasant homes, the constant
rubbing against gentle, cultured people, aided by a
certain imitative faculty that I have always pos
sessed, was doing wonders for me in an educa
tional way. I was being taught manners, conver
sation, getting polished, in fact, until I no longer
felt ill at ease or clumsy in decent society.
I was now twenty-one years of age and an able
seaman, fit to do anything required of me in such
a position. And reluctantly I made up my mind
that, as I could not escape from the sea life, I
must try and better my position. Priggishness is

NEW SAILING ORDERS '115
hateful, and I dread the accusation of it keenly ;
but it is only the bare truth to say that every day
I spent ashore among those kind friends made me
more and more reluctant to go back to the life in
a ship's fo'csle, for I knew so well what to expect
It was the only point on which I felt unable to
agree with the energetic little Christian man
who had been instrumental in my conversion.
Quoting from Scripture, he laid it down that
every man should abide in the calling wherein he
was abiding when the Lord called him, unless that
calling was an evil one. I felt that he might be
right, but that I could not feel that it was wrong
to wish to change my calling.
However, the choice was denied me. I could
not for very shame's sake linger ashore after it
was manifest that I was unfit for anything that
offered itself, so I got a ship — a large iron vessel,
belonging to Greenock — which was loading for
home. I obtained leave to work on board until
she was ready for sea, and at once entered upon
my duties without signing articles, that binding
ceremony being left until the day before de
parture. My return to fo'csle life was harder than
even I had feared, for this ship was manned almost

116 WITH CHRIST AT SEA
entirely by foreigners. Out of the entire ship's
company of twenty-four, only two — myself and a
Welsh A.B. — were Britons ; and as Christianity
had not denationalised me, I felt very sore about
this, while as for any reasonable society on board
I had none. The fo'csle was a babel of strange
tongues, and the foreign officers were at no pains
to show their dislike of me as an intruder in a
ship under my own flag. While she remained in
harbour things were not so bad, as I could cut off
my ship life sharply every night at supper time
(six P.M.) and seek the congenial society of my
friends ashore. But even that made the contrast
all the more painful. I prayed every day and all
day, for I had got into a habit of talking to God in
an almost familiar manner while at work, for a way
out of this ship, for some opening in a ship where I
should have at least one kindred soul with whom I
could talk about the only subjects I now cared for.
And, as it has so often happened since, I got
my desire. Not, either, to repent afterwards that
my prayers had been granted, as I have done
many times, but to enjoy my life at sea as never
before, so that the memory of that voyage is one
of the sweetest in my whole life. It happened in
this way. At one of the Sunday evening meet-

NEW SAILING ORDERS 117
ings in the sail-loft a huge Norwegian, Rasmus
Rasmussen by name, was so overcome by the
power of the Gospel that he broke down and wept
as — well, as a man does weep who, in the midst
of the sternest and most sorrowful conditions, has
been suddenly compelled to thus ease his labour
ing heart. After he was comforted, I was brought
into contact with him, and we were immediately
the firmest of friends. Every night we went ashore
together, for our ships occupied adjacent berths at
the railway pier, and eagerly drank in the lessons
we were taught by whoever happened to be telling
out the grand ideas of the Gospel, for we had not
yet grown very critical, and it all sounded good ;
also, we loved the singing, and would, had we not
been gently reminded of the time, have remained
in the places we went to, bare and comfortless as
they were in other respects, until midnight. Oh,
but it was a golden time, that babyhood of the
soul, when everybody and everything was seen
through a tremulous tender haze of light, the
Light which, coming into the world, lighteth every
man who does not wilfully remain blind.
Rasmussen, whose cumbrous name his ship
mates had shortened to Jem, as the time drew
near for our parting grew very despondent. He

n8 WITH CHRIST AT SEA
felt the same need as I did, and prayed con
tinuously that a way might be found for me to
come in his ship. Strangely, it never occurred to
him to pray that he might come in mine. At
last, only three days before I was to have signed
articles in the ' Orpheus,' he came rushing on
board in the dinner hour, radiant. Breathlessly
he informed me that one of their fellows had
been granted his discharge on account of illness ;
that he, Jem, had spoken to his skipper about me,
and that I was to come on board at once and
see that gentleman. I did so, and in five minutes
I had agreed to sign in the ' West York ' at ten
shillings per month less than I was to have re
ceived in the ' Orpheus,' a reduction in wages
which gave me no concern whatever. Yet this,
to my mind, direct interposition of the Lord in my
affairs in answer to my heart's desire, brought me
the first unhappiness I had yet felt in regard to
the behaviour of those whom I had learned to look
upon as children of the living God.
It arose in this manner. Jem and I could
hardly contain our joy until knock-off time, and
immediately we were free we rushed off, changed
our clothes, and ran to Aleck Falconer, the dear
little barker, to tell Mm. Hewas as pleased as we

NEW SAILING ORDERS 119
were, being one of those saintly souls who find their
highest delight in the joys of others. He gave
us a good meal, and when we had finished all three
went to the meeting together. Full of my news I
made haste to tell the assembled friends. But one of
them turned my heart to ice by saying censoriously,
' I don't think it was at all honourable of you to
break your word to the captain of the " Orpheus." '
I tried to explain that I had given two weeks' labour
for nothing, that I had made no agreement, that
other hands were easily obtained, and so on ; but
that unjust remark was not recalled, and my
sensitiveness made me feel that all my friends
were influenced by it in my disfavour.
This incident may, I fear, be regarded as trivial,
but all my conscious life I have had a passionate
hatred of injustice in any form. This particular
injustice, however, was worse to me than any other,
because it proceeded from one whom I had placed
upon an exalted pinnacle of holiness, and whose
good opinion I craved hungrily. And I did not
feel comforted by the knowledge that this un
favourable construction upon my action was utterly
undeserved. How deeply I felt it may be gauged
from the fact of my remembering it so clearly after
all these years.

120 WITH CHRIST AT SEA
However, the soreness soon wore off a bit, as no
more was said on that subject, and we were presently
the centre of a little knot of people interested in us,
who were praying for our preservation from all evil
on the passage home. It was good to hear Jem
pray, the rugged Norse sentences pealing forth from
his broad chest, while his great frame shook with
emotion. Never in all my life have I seen a man
so full of the overwhelming love of God. Up to
within three weeks of this time he had been one of
the most truculent blackguards that ever made
trouble on board ship since he had first aban
doned his fishing life for the deep water. He
was to all appearance a lineal descendant of the
old Norse Vikings — fierce, pitiless, without fear,
and with a savage hatred of all restraint. His
great size and strength, allied to his native ferocity,
made him feared as well as hated ; and even the
awful experience of the Western Ocean packets
had failed to tame him in the least. His body was
covered with a network of scars, and his hands
were gnarled and knotted like tree-roots. But the
Master had spoken to him, choosing for the delivery
of the message the alien tongue of an Englishman,
whereof he only understood the simplest, com
monest expressions, and now he was become as a

NEW SAILING ORDERS 121
little child who has been reared in an atmosphere
of love. I have often heard of ' miracles of grace,'
and I have seen many men to whom such a descrip
tion might be applied justly, but Rasmus Rasmus
sen, of Bergen, common sailor, towered above them
all as does a full-rigged ship over a ten-ton yacht.
He was so happy in the thought that I was
coming with him that I did not dare to explain
how much I had been hurt by the wrong construc
tion put upon my action, and his loving interest in
all that I did gave me most exquisite pleasure.
So that, after all, I spent a happy evening, return
ing to the ' Orpheus ' full of gratitude in the thought
that it was for the last time. The next day was
Sunday, and rising at four A.M. I dressed and went
ashore, climbing up to the top of Flagstaff Hill, at the
apex of the peninsula which separated the little
cove of Port Chalmers from the estuary that leads
up to the city of Dunedin. And there, alone in
the sweet freshness of the morning, I remained for
two hours, saturated with an unspeakable joy.
The beauty of land and sea and sky as the rising
of the sun touched it with celestial gold, the
waking of the birds, and, above all, the intimate
certain sense of the presence of God in His, to me,
recently-discovered capacity of loving, tender Father,

122 WITH CHRIST AT SEA
settled down upon my soul and filled me with such
happiness as I think must be a foretaste of heaven.
Unexplainable, indefinite, but a recompense for
any amount of hardship, this living the new life
communicated by the touch of Jesus. Human
language, even at its highest and best, is totally
inadequate to express this inexpressible joy, but I
believe that all those who have claimed their blood -
bought right of brotherhood to the Son have, accord
ing to their capacity, experienced it. If they have
not, I should be inclined to doubt their full apprecia
tion of the value of that world-sacrifice, that supreme
altitude of love shown to all men by Jesus Christ.
That afternoon, at Jem's earnest solicitation,
I went on board my new ship to supper. I found
beside Jem that there were four Scotchmen — one
working his passage home — a middle-aged gentle
man, who had blasted his own career with drink at
home, and had been working back through suffering
to penitence in this far country. Of the other
three, two were young men of about my own age,
full of spirits and manly vigour; and one was a
heavy, good-tempered fellow of small capacity.
There were besides a stout, masterful German, a
loutish hobbledehoy, who called himself a Cockney,
and a cheery little pagan from that land of piety,

NEW SAILING ORDERS 123
Cornwall. All these new acquaintances looked at
me with great curiosity. They had heard, of
course, that I was a Holy Joe of the most poisonous
brand, and that, combined with their newly-born
wonder at the radical change in Jem's behaviour,
was quite enough to make them regard the coming
passage with extraordinary interest.
For my own part, while I was rather nervous
about my reception, I felt deeply grateful that my
course was thus made plain. My colours were not
only displayed, but nailed to the mast. If I
proved recreant to them, I should not only be
self-condemned, but I should be utterly despised
by even the most godless among my shipmates ;
for I have often seen it proved that while men may
jeer at a Christian and try their utmost to make
him fall, they honour him most highly if he stands
firm. If he does fall, his lot is most unhappy.
He feels that he is not only a traitor to the prin
ciple he has openly professed, that he is a living
testimony to the inefficiency of the Gospel to
save men from sin in the eyes of those who are
its enemies, but he has lost bis soul-satisfying joy,
and in its stead he has the misery of knowing himself
an enemy of his best Friend, while unable to gain
the friendship of his worst Enemy. If a man goes

i24 WITH CHRIST AT SEA
on board a ship where no one knows anything
of him. and is immediately plunged into the usual
welter of dirty and blasphemous talk, he is greatly
tempted to keep his Christianity to himself from the
cowardly dread of persecution. Where, however,
as in the present instance, his profession is known
beforehand, that danger is mercifully spared him.
So I bade my shipmates a cheery good evening,
which they returned in rather doubtful tones.
Then I bowed my head over my plate, and silently
thanked God for my food. Afterwards I joined
in the conversation, and did my best to be agree
able and amusing, succeeding in removing the
impression that a Christian must of necessity be a
dour kill-joy, to whom a hearty laugh was a
grievous sin. A most enjoyable supper - hour
passed, during which I monopolised most of the
talk with various yarns of my adventures, espe
cially my farming. But at the close of the meal,
strangely enough, I felt depressed and unhappy.
The fear that I had in some way dishonoured my
Master by a multitude of words wherein no mention
was made of His goodness to me, came upon me
as a dark cloud comes over the sun, and I put up
an earnest prayer that the Master would set a
watch over my lips and keep me from offending

NEW SAILING ORDERS 125
with my tongue. Doubtless there was something
morbid and self-worrying about this, but experi
ence has proved that the desire to please by an
ability to talk well is often a trap to catch the
unwary young Christian. Or ever he is aware he
is trembling upon the verge of some undesirable,
inconvenient (in the Gospel sense) misuse of
speech, and his carelessness is certain to be noted
by someone who will use it against him presently.
However, in the sweet sorrow of that evening's
meeting, knowing it to be the last, in parting with
so many dear friends, my temporary disquiet was
speedily forgotten, and I returned on board with
Jem, full of an abiding joy, all the more real be
cause it was so quiet. It was nearly midnight before
Jem and I turned in, for we sat on the fo'csle-head in
the moonlight and prayed turn-about, or, rather,
I should say, we held conversations with the Lord
in the fullest sense of His nearness to us, a sense
that was entirely independent of externals.
In the afternoon, of the next day we sailed,
burdened with blessings, and wafted seawards by
a beautiful south-west wind. We were bound for
Portland, Oregon, in ballast, expecting a passage
of about sixty days. And so auspiciously com
menced the most delightful voyage I ever made.

CHAPTER VII
HALCYON DAYS
THERE is one good rule that should never be
neglected by any sea-farer upon joining a ship.
It is to ' show willing.' A bad impression once
made by a new-comer upon his shipmates takes a
long time to remove, if it ever is ; generally it
clings throughout the voyage. But the need for
proving at once that you are an acquisition to the
ship's company is much more imperative in the
case of a Holy Joe. Sailors, being in many re
spects exactly like people ashore, always expect
that the Christian shall be perfect in every detail,
not only of what they consider to be godliness,
but also in ability, strength, and endurance. It is,
after all, but a left-handed method of showing their
appreciation of the worth of Christianity. They
may jest and scoff at the idea of a man loving God
and serving Him, not from fear of punishment, but
from inbred affection and the working of the new

HALCYON DAYS 127
life just communicated by the Spirit, but since
they look for nothing less than perfection from a
Christian, it needs no argument to prove that in
some misty way they believe in its ability to make
a man perfect.
Fortunately for me, I found myself in the same
watch as Jem and the two smart young Scotch
men, Ballantyne and Turner. The two latter,
though possessing not the slightest pretence to be
considered godly, were most amiable fellows, as
well as being hard-working, practical seamen. And
when they found that not only could I do my duty
with the best of them, but that I never hung back
from a job, they showed their satisfaction in un
mistakable fashion, and we were as comfortable
together as four men could possibly be. Jem they
teased unmercifully at times, but quite good-
naturedly. That was only to be expected, as
according to his own confession he had been just
a rowdy ruffian on the passage out, and many of
his doings still remained fresh in their minds. It
was easy to see, however, that they were much
puzzled at his sweetness of temper, his uniform
cheerfulness and eagerness to do all that in him
lay to justify his high profession. Nothing could

128 WITH CHRIST AT SEA
shake his steadfast joy. We had rough weather
almost immediately after leaving Port Chalmers,
and, as usual, shipped a lot of water. One after
noon, just as we had finished dinner,, Jem stepped
out of the fo'csle (I call it a fo'csle, though it was
a house in the middle of the main-deck, from sea-
usage), and as he did so a big sea came hurtling
over the side and drenched him to the skin. He
made to run forward, and struck with all his force
the bare toes on his right foot against a bolt of
iron sticking up three inches out of the deck. All
he said was, ' Tank God, tank God.' When he
returned to the shelter of the fo'csle, Ballantyne
said cheerfully, ' Fats gane wrang wi' ye, mahn ?
Are ye strucken doomb? Let's hae a few bit
prayers fra ye. Ye haena forgotten hoo to say
them, sewerly ? ' — meaning, I take it, some of the
blasphemous expressions that would have rushed
in a torrent from his mouth at such an accident on
the passage out. But Jem's reply was as unexpected
by his tormentor as it was disconcerting. For he
dropped upon his knees immediately and cried,
' Dear Fader Gott, jou know I haf been zo bat, zo
fery bat. I haf been blag lige pitch. I tink bats,
speak bat, do bat all day, efery day. Unt den jou

HALCYON DAYS 129
make me know jou lofe me, jou make me see
mineselluf yoost as I vas, unt I been afrait. But
now I know, glory to Gott, I know de blag sin is
gone. I am all nice and vite inside, unt I don't
afrait any more. Unt Billy ask me to pray liddle ;
tank you so much, dear Yesus, for dat. I vill be
glat to break my feets efery day for dat, if I might
get de shanse to pring him along to you. Dear
Himmelsky Fader, bless him unt save him, and
bless unt safe Bob, too, unt all my dear shipmates,
unt all my dear broders and sesters in Port
Chalmers, unt may ve all come togedder in jou big
house up dere soon, for Yesus Christ's sake. Amen.'
My hearty ' Amen ' echoed his, but beside that
there was no sound. Our two watchmates were
profoundly impressed, and I fancied I could see a
tear glittering in Ballantyne's eye. As for Jem,
his face was shining and the tears were streaming
down as if indeed the well-spring of living waters
had risen so high that it was visibly overflowing.
Not another word was spoken. We all turned in,
and were soon asleep.
That night I had myself what I considered,
rightly I think, another practical proof of my
surety in the Lord. It was blowing stiffly, and we
K

130 WITH CHRIST AT SEA
were carrying a press of canvas to get north out of
the bad weather. Shortly after four bells we
hauled down the flying jib and I sprang out along
the boom to furl it. I was sitting astride the boom
facing aft, my back strained against the downhaul,
when suddenly it gave way with me. The sail
slipped through my fingers and I fell backwards,
hanging head downwards over the seething tumult
of shining foam under the ship's bows, suspended
by one foot. But I felt only high exultation in
my certainty of eternal life. Although death was
only divided from me by a hair's-breadth, and I
was acutely conscious of the fact, it gave me no
sensation but joy. I suppose I could have hung
there no longer than five seconds, but in that time
I lived a whole age of delight. But my body
asserted itself, and with a desperate gymnastic
effort I regained the boom. How I furled the sail
I don't know, but I sang at the utmost pitch of my
voice praises to God that went pealing out over
the dark waste of waters. When I got inboard
again the second mate was waiting on the fo'csle.
Jem and Ballantyne were aloft furling the main-
topgallant sail, and he, hearing my song, had come
forrard, thinking I wanted help. When I told him

HALCYON DAYS 131
I had only been singing, he looked curiously at
me, as if he thought I must be mad, but he said
nothing, going aft again and leaving me to my
solitary look-out. No, not solitary, for in those
days I was never lonely. My sweetest hours were
spent with no visible person near. And at that
hour especially I had been so near to the consum
mation of all my hopes that I had caught a glimpse
of the beyond, and the revelation had fed me full
of speechless happiness.
Meanwhile my position in the ship was very
pleasant. The skipper was most gracious. An
admirable seaman, as well as a sincere Christian,
he won my heart at once, although as yet no word
had passed between us except in the way of
business. But when Sunday came and we were
all gathered aft on the quarter-deck, the weather
having bettered greatly, he seemed to be trans
figured into some beloved patriarch. No wonder
I loved him. For he was the first officer of a ship
that I had ever been shipmate with who really
tried to honour God by holding a meeting for
worship with his men. He had dressed himself as
for going ashore, and I could see his eye lighten
with pleasure as he saw that we had all made
K 2

132 WITH CHRIST AT SEA
ourselves as spruce as we could. His countenance
fell, however, when Cockney came shuffling aft
late. He was dirty and unkempt as usual.
But as if he put resolutely away any feelings at
variance with the solemnity of the service he was
about to perform, he turned to his extemporised
desk and gave out a hymn. Now by this time I
knew a large number of Sankey's little collection
as it was then, and so I had no difficulty in raising
the tune. How we did sing, to be sure ! Sailors
are naturally fond of singing, and the choruses of
these spirited sacred songs especially appeal to
them, so- that, although we were but a handful in
number, quite a surprising volume of sound went
up into the bright sky of that pleasant Sunday at
sea. A shock awaited me, however, when the old
gentleman opened a big prayer-book and began to
read the morning service of the Church of England.
For I had heard that he was a Methodist, and -I
did not then know that many Methodists use the
Church Service, believing with John Wesley that
they have every right to do so. Still, I should not
have minded that had he been able to read, but,
alas ! he read those beautiful words worse than
ever I have heard them read in church, and that is

HALCYON DAYS 133
saying a great deal. Worse than that, he had that
peculiarly exasperating trick of reading words into
the matter before him that did not exist there, a
trick I have often observed in readers, but the
reason for which is a mystery. Sometimes his
interpolations made nonsense of the prayers, some
times they made worse. But, in spite of all that,
his evident sincerity, pathetic earnestness, and great
reverence made everyone feel that the service was
real, that God was being worshipped in spirit and
in truth. After the service was over the old man called
upon Cockney, and inquired in no gentle tones
what he meant by coming aft to service in that
disgraceful rig. He replied feebly that he had no
time to clean himself. Then the skipper's anger
waxed hot. Because it was a miserable lie. In
that ship we were allowed the whole of Saturday
-afternoon to wash and mend, to the end that no
man should complain that he was obliged to steal
time from his watch below or excuse himself for
being dirty. And I saw at once why we were so
comfortable. For the reason that being a Christian
had not, as it so often does through a wrong con
ception of its aims, taken from the skipper his firm

134 WITH CHRIST AT SEA
conviction that it was righteous to keep discipline
and punish evil-doers. His language to the delin
quent Cockney was scathing and personal in the
last degree, and that wastrel fairly writhed under
it, showing, at any rate, that he had not lost all
sense of shame. And when he got forrard his
shipmates' remarks were not calculated to soothe
him. They all looked upon him as a disgrace to
a good ship.
After all, Cockney's shortcomings did not con
cern us in the starboard watch. All four — that is,
Jem, Ballantyne, Bob, and myself — had by this
time got to know each other well, and with that
knowledge came great mutual respect. We had
arrived at that comfortable point when no one was
afraid or ashamed to say that he didn't know how
to do such and such a piece of work because of
being jeered at. We had also the proud consola
tion of knowing that whatever was to be done with
the ship in our watch we could do and would, at
any physical cost to ourselves, rather than have all
hands on deck. I don't know whether the second
mate, who was the old man's son, appreciated as
he ought to have done his smart young watch, but
I am sure the skipper did. His beaming face

HALCYON DAYS 135
when we shortened or set sail under his eyes was
delightful to see. More than that, he had found
that he might be fatherly and friendly towards us
without the slightest danger of our taking a mean
advantage of his good nature. And when a mer
chant skipper finds a crew like that he has found
a treasure. Unhappily such crews are exceedingly
rare. But then so are skippers such as he was.
The second mate, on the other hand, could never
resist the temptation to ' haze ' or ' work up ' my
comrade Jem. Of course, this was not to be
wondered at, seeing what a handful Jem had been
on the outward passage, and taking into considera
tion the fact that the second mate had not a
weakness for forgiving people who had offended
him, as he would have "said. Apparently it made
no difference to Jem, whose new-born patience
and loveable temper could by no means be dis
turbed, but it certainly gave me some hot twinges,
as the sight of injustice has ever done.
All these trifles, ' however, melted away each
evening, when Jem and I, creeping in under the
shelter of the top-gallant fo'csle, held our intimate
communion with Him whom we knew to be our
Saviour-Brother. Our surroundings were as far

136 WITH CHRIST AT SEA
removed from the conventional idea of a place of
worship as could well be, for in this ship the
owner had refused to house his sailors in a place
only fit for pigs or non-perishable stores, and con
sequently the top-gallant fo'csle, or space beneath
the small raised deck over the bows of the ship,
was unoccupied. It was like a cave of the winds.
But we looked forward to our meeting there with
the Presence each evening with great joy, and
would often sit after prayer and an almost mur
mured song of praise, in perfect silence while slow
sweet tears of unutterable joy trickled down. I am
painfully aware that many will be unable to refrain
from smiling sarcastically at these words, many
more will utterly refuse to believe them, others will
want explanation and proof. But none of these
things can alter the facts as I have recorded them
one jot. We were young, ignorant, and unlettered ;
our theology might have been summarised in two
lines of book print. We made mistakes, we were
continually condemning ourselves for idle words,
for harboured thoughts of evil, and but that we
were mercifully out of the reach of temptation I
have no doubt we should have had an enormously
increased list of things to be repented of.

HALCYON DAYS 137
Yet, as far as a man may, I solemnly affirm
that we were both as near perfect happiness as a
man can be in this world. Reverently, as becomes
one who feels that he is treading upon holy ground,
I declare that at times in those solemn moments
of silence the tide of happiness rose so high that
we were fain to ask the Lord to stay His hand,
the frail creature could hold no more and live.
This sensation, feeling, emotion, what you will,
you who can find a scientific explanation for most
things, may have been easily referable to pre
existing causes. Of that I know nothing. I only
know that it was not in the least artificial, that it
came without any attempt of ours to produce it,
that it filled our hearts, or our souls, whatever you
will, with love, joy, and peace, and that it made us
in every sense better men.
Another thing which I think deserves especial
mention was the absence of all external human
aids or incitements to religious fervour. Un
doubtedly this opens up a tremendously contro
versial question, which, of course, I do not, cannot,
pretend to discuss ; but surely a religion that
requires any external adjuncts, whether sacerdotal
or not, cannot be what Christianity rightly claims

138 WITH CHRIST AT SEA
to be, of universal application. The sailor, for
instance, is almost always placed in a position
where any external human aid to religion is out of
the question. More than that, his surroundings
are in most cases distinctly inimical to any out
ward religious observances whatever. Even the
repetition of stated prayers at set times, the regular
study of the Bible, is exceedingly difficult, often
impossible. Here it is that the unique character
of true Christianity manifests itself. It makes the
struggling, sinful man or woman realise that a new
element has entered into them, a new life which
emanates direct from God, and is consequently
directly and entirely hostile to evil. It warns the
recipient of this highest blessing in the world that
this free gift of an indwelling power unconquerable,
not to be deteriorated in any way, does not convert
him into a righteous automaton, such as some
sceptics scoffingly inquire why God did not make
in the beginning of things. It tells him that the
motive power as well as the resisting force of this
new life depends, as far as he is concerned, upon
his encouragement of it or the reverse. It bids
him beware of the fatal assumption that now he is,
as it were, inoculated against the deadly virus of

HALCYON DAYS 139
sin, or that all obligation to work out his own
salvation is taken off his shoulders.
True, there are many mistakes made, mistakes
of the most awful kind, for when did man ever fail
to convert blessings into curses from sheer per
version ? As, for instance, when one hears people
calmly rise in meetings and proclaim with moun
tainous pride that for so many years they have
lived without offending the Most Holy One in
thought, or word, or deed. But these misunder
standings of plain words in no sense make the
word of God void. Rather they point to the
inherent tendency of humanity to refuse the good
and choose the evil, or, worse still, deliberately
pervert the good to evil uses.
Of course, the life led by Jem and myself could
not fail to be noticed and commented upon by our
two watchmates. But they never said a word to
us. Only, I think, if we had been more observant,
a little less selfishly content with our own happi
ness, we might have seen that something was
going to happen. The ship had got into fine
weather — into the south-east trade winds of the
Pacific — and our night watches on deck were
full of delight. There were an apprentice and a

140 WITH CHRIST AT SEA
boy in our watch, who both steered in fine weather,
an arrangement that made it often possible for the
whole four of us to sit on the fo'csle-head and
talk throughout the whole of our vigil. And we
did talk. We did not want to sleep. We sat
and discussed according to our ability the wonders
of all around us, and I finished up from my
memory all that would come of what I had read.
The usual topics of sailor talk were never so much
as mentioned between us, but I am sure neither
Ballantyne nor Bob felt the loss of that ; as for
Jem and myself, the taste for such things had
been taken away.
So the days rolled delightfully by until it came
to pass one night that I was sitting on the capstan
on the fo'csle head keeping my look-out, my gaze
fixed upon the dim blue vacancy ahead. I was
singing softly ' God loved the world of sinners
lost ' and enjoying myself indescribably. The
vessel was only moving through the water about
four knots an hour, and from the absence of swell
she was so steady that her progress was almost
motionless. To port was the pure calm disc of
the full moon, her silver glow dulling the stars
near and spreading a glittering way right up to

HALCYON DAYS 141
the ship. All over the rest of the heavens the
stars were shining in the clear sky, except just
around the horizon's edge, where there was a
border of fleecy clouds. It was a full-heart night.
Suddenly into my meditations came the sound
of a broken voice, and turning sharply round I
saw Ballantyne standing near. By the bright
light of the moon I could see that his rugged face
was working, all its jovial dimples gone, and down
his cheeks big tears chased each other. Now one
thing is always noticeable in the truly converted
man or woman ; their hearts grow very soft, their
pity great for anyone in distress. So I was deeply
moved, and springing off my perch I clutched his
hand, eagerly inquiring what was the matter. All
he could say was that he was an awful sinner. He
wanted to tell me what his life had been, but I
would not hear. I told him that I had no right
to be his confessor, and that his telling me could
do no good. Maybe I was wrong, but that was
how I felt about it. What I could do to comfort
him I did, telling him exactly how I had found
peace, and assuring him that he need not weary
himself in trying to force an open door, that the
Lord was far more anxious to receive him than he

142 WITH CHRIST AT SEA
was to come, deeply stirred as I could see him to be.
I was afraid to talk too much, however, because
I had seen people actually confused out of all
comprehension, and I had been taught by experi
ence that at the supreme moment of the birth of a
soul, the nurse must stand aside and allow the
Physician to do His work unhindered. There will
be plenty of scope for nursing afterwards. I
believe we stood in perfect silence for about ten
minutes while I was sending up an incessant
stream of wordless petitions that it might please
the Lord to set this anxious soul at liberty.
Presently he spoke : ' Tom, lad, let's hae a bit
pray'r frae ye.' I gladly responded, but even as
I knelt I could not help remembering the occasion
so shortly before when he had put almost the
same request to Jem in the hope of hearing that
much-tried man give vent to his feelings in some
of the foul words that had been his usual speech.
But resolutely pushing away the hindering reflec
tion, I said, ' Dear Father, here's poor Willie
Ballantyne brought face to face with you at last.
You've done it yourself, and no one but himself
can prevent him from being set free. I needn't
ask you to save him, you've done all that ; but I

HALCYON DAYS 143
do ask you to make him see that it is so. Loving
Lord, you've been pleading with him for a long
time. Make him give up struggling against you,
make him as happy as you make everybody who
give themselves right up to you. And we'll bless
you and praise you with all our hearts, with all
the new words and powers you've given us.
Amen.' I had no sooner finished speaking than Ballan
tyne broke in : ' Lord Jesus Christ, I ken ye've
sauvit me. I canna feel't, ma heid's all dizzy like,
but I'm believin' wut ye've said about nut ca'asting
oot ony puir vratch 'at comes t' ye. A'am's bad's
ah can be, a drucken, swearin', feckless loun, there
isna onythin' tae be said fur ma 'at's guid. But
ah ken fine 'at ye love me fur all ahm sae bad.
Here ah a'am, tak ma, an' make somethin' oot o'
ma, fur ah've made an awfu' mess o' mysel. Amen.'
And springing to his feet he kissed me, while I
hardly knew whether I was in the body or out of
it. All I knew and realised most profoundly was
that He who came to do the will of His Father
was doing it now, and no one else had any hand
in the wonderful work at all.
As soon as ever we had quieted down, if that

i44 WITH CHRIST AT SEA
be the correct expression to use where all had been
so quiet, I said, ' May I go and tell Jem, Willie ? '
' Ay,' he answered readily, ' ye may that, Tom.'
In a moment I sprang off the fo'csle and flew
round the corner of the house, coming crash up
against Jem's broad chest with a force that nearly
knocked all the breath out of my body. What
little remained was speedily dispersed, for Jem,
flinging those long arms of his around me, gave
me a hug like that of a grizzly bear, so that I hung
limp and helpless across his body while he gasped,
in broken tones, ' Bob's foun' de Lord. Bob's
foun' de Lord.' Then my condition alarmed him,
and he sat me gently down, full of solicitude as to
whether he had hurt me. I thought my ribs were
cracked, but, finding I was all right, I eagerly
inquired how this strange thing had come about.
He told me that for the last hour he had been
pleading with Bob in consequence of a question
the latter had put to him almost identical with
that asked me by Ballantyne. And this was the
result. Then I told him my wonderful news, and
for a few moments I thought he would have a fit.
In the midst of our mutual rejoicings our two
chums joined us, and from thence till eight bells

HALCYON DAYS 145
we had such a prayer-meeting as I have never
attended before or since.
The bell brought it to a close, but when we
were relieved and went below we could not sleep.
We sat up in our bunks and sang as if we would
burst our breasts, as the bird sang, of whom
George Macdonald says :
' Glad is so glad that it turns to ache :
Out with it, song, or my heart will break.'
Our shipmates of the other watch came in and
looked sourly at us, the big German especially.
How well I remember his sarcastic question, ' Veil,
jou all goes mat, ain'd id ? ' When we tried to tell
them what had happened they went out, firmly
convinced that we had gone mad, and muttering
disgustedly. But what did we care ? What did
anything matter now ? The Lord had lifted up
the Light of His countenance upon us, and our
cups were overflowing. It was the tongue of the
dumb singing. But to try and explain it would
be as easy as making a colour-blind man appreci
ate the glories of a tropical sunset.

CHAPTER VIII
TESTING TIME COMES
After what has already been said it will be
readily imagined that our watch below thence
forward was a happy time. There were no
more meetings in the dark shade of the topgallant
fo'csle for Jem and me. There was no need,
because we were all of one mind. And now I
was able to make good use of my one talent,
that of reading fairly well. There was a ship's
library on board, but like so many of the libraries
placed on board ship in the old days, it was
mostly stuffed with rubbish, goody-goody stuff
that even a healthy child would ' scunner ' at. So
we were thrown back upon the Bible, and a very
good job too. For there is no book that contains
so much good reading as this, even when a man
reads without the eyes of his understanding being
opened. And when he drinks it in as we did no
words can tell of his appreciation. Having found

TESTING TIME COMES 147
out that searching the Scriptures is no mere
perfunctory task, the performance of which at
stated intervals puts a certain amount of righteous
ness to his credit, but an ever-growing delight, the
education of the young Christian may be said to
be fairly under way.
One book, however, I must exempt from the
sweeping condemnation passed upon our stock.
It was a child's book, truly, but its effect upon us
was marvellous. Every word went right home to
our hearts, all soft as they were, and I am sure if
Miss Hesba Stretton had seen four rough young
sailors choking red-eyed over the story she has
woven round ' Jessica's First Prayer,' she would
have also been compelled to allow her eyes to
overflow with sympathetic joy.
For some time the other watch refused to
associate with us. They could not help noticing
that we were smarter and more energetic than
ever at our work, they were obliged to admit that
we were more obliging and courteous as a watch
than we had been, and that we never kept them
waiting at eight bells for relief, but for nearly a
month they held aloof. But they tired of that
and gradually came round uneasily, because we

148 WITH CHRIST AT SEA
always stopped any questionable yarns. At last,
finding that our sanity could not be denied, and
that our sudden bursting forth into song was not
merely a flash in the pan but an abiding alteration,
they reverted to their old companionship, only
clearing out precipitately if one of us ventured
upon any remarks of a religious nature. We did
not tell the 'old man,' but, bless him, he soon
found it out and it made him so happy that his
face seemed to wear a perennial smile.
We had rather a long passage to Portland as
passages of sailing ships go — sixty-four days — but
none of the starboard watch, I am sure, ever spent
a tedious hour. For my part, in addition to the
usual duties of a foremast hand when he is below
of making and mending his clothes, washing them
and taking his turn as cook of the mess, I was
endeavouring to teach myself navigation, with an
occasional hint from the mate, an amiable little
Jerseyman. So that, take it all round, I was kept
fairly busy, and my watch also found plenteous
employment in one way and another. We got
less sleep than usual, but our waking hours were
lived, not flung away. As to the ' intolerable
tedium of a long voyage,' no sailor worth his salt

TESTING TIME COMES 149
ever uses such words. There should never be any
tedium at sea.
At last, with the usual amount of excitement,
as none of us had been there before, we made the
bar of the Columbia River, and far inland saw the
snowy peak of Mount St. Helena towering purely
skyward like a conical stationary cloud, being only
about ninety miles away. We took steam and
towed in across the bar, learning with a good deal
of satisfaction that we were shortly to proceed up
the noble river before us to the city of Portland.
Satisfaction for two reasons : we wanted to see
the river scenery, and we did not fancy the loneli
ness of Astoria, the port at the river's mouth,
where one large ship, the ' Desdemona,' was lying
loading. It may seem strange that a sailor should
talk about the loneliness of a harbour after the
vast solitudes of the ocean, but it is so. The
privacy of the sea he takes for granted — it must be
so ; but an unpeopled harbour he resents — it is as if
he were being defrauded of his right to company
after being so long away from any other than that
of his shipmates.
For myself, I longed more than anything else
to view the scenery of this wonderful part of the

i5,o WITH CHRIST AT SEA
world. It was new to me, and I was told that it
was very beautiful. And ever since the awakening
of my soul I had grown more and more in love
with the beautiful things of earth, and sea, and
sky. What people call the aesthetic sense of
beauty in its true light is, I believe, more strongly
fostered by the knowledge of the love of God than
anything else. I know of people whose religion is
of that gloomy, distorted, God-dishonouring kind
that almost looks upon enthusiastic admiration for
the work of God in creation as sin. Poor souls,
they mean well, but what envious spirit can have
bewitched them into the appalling belief that He
who considered the lilies and the sunset glow,
spread the world with beauty indescribable, en
riching every nook of earth with loveliness for His
own delight, should desire His dear children to
blind themselves for His pleasure ! No, I do not
believe that there is any education in a love of the
beautiful so thorough, so effective, as that gained
by an acquaintance with Jesus Christ.
In due time we left our moorings, and in tow
of one of the stately, towering river-steamers that
Americans delight in, we departed. The' Willamette
Chief our imposing motor — it seemed almost irre-

TESTING TIME COMES 151
verent to speak of her as a tug, so splendid did she
appear by our side — glided up stream against the
considerable current with great ease, at no time
exerting all her power. That great stern-wheel of
hers seemed irresistible.
The view as we turned bend after bend was
truly enchanting, especially to me, whose opportu
nities of looking upon inland scenery had been so
small. Those solemn, endless avenues of pines
coming right down to the water's edge and reflect
ing the tall pillars of their stems in the placid
surface of the river, especially appealed to me — I
could not help comparing them with the vastly
different vegetation on the banks of the Clarence,
in New South Wales, up which I so often steamed
when lamp- trimmer in the ' Helen McGregor.' I do
not remember how long we were towing up : I only
know that the time seemed very short, and before
we could realise that the long upward tow was
nearly at an end, Portland, with its rows of double-
tiered wharves, its fine buildings and clusters of
shipping, burst into view. But who is this coming
off in a four-oared boat, bumping alongside, and
climbing over the rail with a strange air of pro
prietorship? Without taking any notice of the

152 WITH CHRIST AT SEA
after-guard, he strolls forrard and introduces himself
to us as we all stand grouped together staring at
the city. He is, it appears, one James Turk, who
keeps a respectable boarding-house for seamen, to
which he has come to invite us. He informs us
casually that wages for A.B.'s are at present
forty dollars a month, and that the paltry formality
of getting a legal discharge need not trouble us.
It appears they don't go much on discharges here.
' An' ye'll git tew mont's' advance, y'know, 'fore
ever ye go aboard,' he adds.
This last is rather much for me to listen to
silently, so I say, with the utmost politeness ;
' Who'll get two months' advance, did you say ? '
' Annybody as ships here,' he replied excitedly ;
' you ef ye like ter be man enough t' git yer dun
nage an' stip into my boat thet's 'long side.'
' Thanks,' I murmured, ' I thought the boarding
master usually got the advance, and the sailor that
was fool enough to have anything to do with him
got a broken head and a few bruises if he ventured
to ask for what belonged to him.' Swift as thought
the wild-beast stood revealed — man-stealer, mur
derer, criminal of loathliest shape. Can any
term of opprobrium be too severe to apply to

TESTING TIME COMES 153
these demons of the American ports, whose awful
trade has been a blot upon the fair fame of the
great Republic for so many years. This particular
devil burst forth into a flood of flaming blasphemies
against us all, and myself in particular, lurid lan
guage to which none of us answered a word.
Until presently big Jem stepped forward quietly
and said : ' My vrient, jou vants de crace of Gott
fery batt'
Shall I ever again see such a transformation ?
The truculent villain looked stupidly first at Jem,
then at us all, one after the other, and then wearily
turned away, ejaculating his formula : ' Well, God
damn my soul t' hell.' So he passed from our ken
and we saw him no more. But afterwards we
heard that this particular specimen of the Pacific
Coast boarding master had a reputation for evil-
doing second to none in all that foul fraternity.
And we were assured that we might be exceed
ingly grateful that none of us had been waylaid
by his orders and brutally done to death. But I
do not know. It has been my experience that in
most cases where sailors have been thus evilly
treated it has been because they themselves have
been, consenting parties in a measure, that they

154 WITH CHRIST AT SEA
have willingly gone to those places where they
were most easily trapped. Poor brother seamen !
as if you had not sufficient enemies without you
yourselves giving those enemies all the facilities
they require to work you harm.
For two days we did not feel inclined to go
ashore. There was much to be done, and when
the day's work was over it was pleasanter to sit
upon the fo'csle head and smoke than to go
rambling we knew not whither. , But on the third
day Bob and I were painting the ship's bottom, or
as much of it as we could get at, with some vile
patent compound that could not be thinned like
ordinary paint. It was so thick and ropy that no
brush could spread it, and we were fain to plaster
it on the iron plates with our bare hands. To do
this we stood upon a raft which was fastened so
that it lay between our bows and the wharf. We
must have presented a gruesome sight with that
filthy green compound besmearing our arms and
our clothing. But we were in our usual good-
humoured state of mind, and as we plastered the
paint on we sang cheerily, heartily, for we were
out of hearing of the deck, and there was no in
fraction of discipline in our so doing. Presently

TESTING TIME COMES 155
we became aware that someone was joining in the
chorus of one of our songs — ' The home over
there,' I think — and looking up we saw a well-
dressed young man, who was sitting on the edge
of the wharf, dangling his legs. As soon as we saw
him he stopped and entered into conversation by
saying, ' I can't think what has come over you
British sailors ; you seem so different to the men
who man our vessels.' I replied that I was afraid
there was not much' to choose between us, but he
cut me short by saying, ' Oh, yes, there is. For
some time past I have been noticing the beha
viours of the ships' crews that come here, and I
have always found a better class of men in the
British vessels. But that is not solely the reason
why I spoke to you. I am a Christian, and,
although I am a landsman, earning my living in a
book-store, I have also a great affection for sailors.
Now we have no special organisation here for the
religious benefit of seafaring men, I am sorry to
say, so that I devote what leisure I have to strol
ling about the wharves, and whenever I find a
sailor religiously inclined I invite him up to our
meeting, which is quite unsectarian and evangelical
in character. Will you come ? '

156 WITH CHRIST AT SEA
Bob looked at me inquiringly, and I, feeling
that this was a heaven-sent opportunity, said that
I thought I could answer for three of my ship
mates coming. For myself, I would be delighted.
Then our new-found friend promised to call for us
at seven that evening, bade us ' Good-bye, and God
bless you,' and departed. Jem and Ballantyne
were quite excited at the prospect when Bob and
I informed them, and punctually to the moment
we all stepped ashore, although it had been a
terrible job getting that loathsome paint off. Our
friend turned up in good time, and away we went
over the most curious road I had ever trod. It
seemed to be composed of planks laid on mud,
which, being fairly fluid, had an unpleasant knack
of spurting up at one through the interstices be
tween the planks. And as the place was none too
well lighted, this happened far too frequently. We
cared little for the badness of the way, being much
too intently occupied with anticipations of our
visit, and although the way was long also our
eager conversation prevented us from noticing
that either.
When we arrived at the building, which was
quite palatial after our bare sail-loft at Port

TESTING TIME COMES 157
Chalmers, we found that our fame had preceded
us. The warmth of our welcome from about two
hundred people present quite overcame us, and for
the moment we felt almost sorry we had come, we
were so shy and awkward. We speedily found
that, as at Port Chalmers, there were representa
tives of all the religious denominations in the place
except the Roman Catholic, but these Yankees
were far more demonstrative. They did not
believe in hiding their religious fervour under a
cloak of conventional decorum. They behaved as
if they thoroughly enjoyed themselves, and al
though nothing was said or done to which any
real Christian could sensibly object, I must con
fess I found myself considerably astonished. The
quaint sayings of some of the speakers almost
made me choke with suppressed laughter, until a
grave-looking speaker who had just made some,
to me, screamingly funny remark, saw my suffering
and said : ' Young friend, laef just 's much 's y'
want to. God don't begrudge any of His children
a laef ; don't you believe He does for one moment.
'N He don't want the old devil t' have a monopoly
of so healthful a thing as laefter is. Rejoice in
the Lord always, an' again I say rejoice, wa'nt

158 WITH CHRIST AT SEA
said t' induce people t' go round lookin' 's if
they'd jest planted a number of their folks, an' the
balance wuz mighty sick.'
So I laughed, shamefacedly at first, but heartily
afterwards, as heartily as I and those that were
with me joined in the singing and the praying.
But presently we were filled with horror at a
direct invitation to get up on the platform and
tell the friends present something about our re
ligious life at sea. I'm sure I do not know how I
got upon the platform and found myself facing
those eager upturned faces. My heart thumped
against my ribs, and my mouth and tongue went
dry and leathery. When at last I found my voice
I hardly knew it, so hollow and strange it sounded.
But the kindness of my audience was unbounded.
One would have thought that they were listening
to one of the finest efforts of their own splendid
orators (and there seems to be something in the
American climate that favours the development of
oratorical gifts) by the way they behaved.
I really don't know what I did say. I tried to
put my experience into words, and I know I did
not take any of the foregoing speakers as a model.
But that is all I can say. Then came a captain

TESTING TIME COMES 159
in the American Army— a noble fellow, thrillingly
earnest, but with a tremendously rapid utterance
and a most involved style. His speech made me
wonder at myself for being so thick-headed as not
to understand a word of it. But one of his similes
I have never forgotten. I do not remember what
it was intended to illustrate, but I fancy I can
hear him now saying : 'It's like the man who told
his boy he'd give him ten cents to learn the ten
commandments, and a brick house with a marble
front if he could understand 'em.' Many other
quaint things he said, but suddenly he sat down,
and while yet my mind was a-whirl with the won
drous incoherency of his discourse, he had been
replaced by my brother Jem. Ah, that was a
change indeed. For Jem only said in the simplest
way that which the Lord gave him to say, and the
fact that he spoke in an alien tongue, necessi
tating a double process simultaneously in his
brain, did not hinder his discourse being of the
most heart-searching kind.
As well as my memory serves me, he spoke as
follows : ' Dear vrients. Jou haf ask me to tell
jou vat de Lort haf done for me. How can I dis
do ? Ven I tink of His gootness unt lofe, I haf

160 WITH CHRIST AT SEA
not vorts efen in mine own langvidge to speak of
it ; how den I can tell jou in Engelsch, vich I only
talk like any oder sailor-man. But yet I not can
say no. I vas a teufel, I dink vorse, because de
teufels dey haf no hope, unt I haf shut my soul up
from hope myselluf. If dere is anyting bad I can
do I haf do it. I haf hate de dear Fader Gott, I
haf hate all His beobles. Oh, is dere any ting
bad I haf not do ? I vill say not any more apoudt
my sin, pecause I haf much shame for dem, and yet
I feel dat if I talk 'bout dem I vill tink mooch
of myselluf pecause I haf been so bad. Unt
more, I vas so misbul. I nefer haf no peace, I
nefer haf no res', I nefer haf no pleasure 'cept I
ked tronk unt fight, unt dat cos' all de money I
vork so hardt for. Den I come to Port Chalmers
unt I go into de meetin', unt I hear a man say
dat de Lordt Jesus Christ is come to tell man vat
Gott is. Dat Gott ton'd hate me, a'net vant me
to die unt go to hell, dat hell ain'd vatin' for me,
but Gott vaits allvus, unt dat He ben sorry dat I
vas not habby. He tell me dat dere is only von
man can send me to hell unt dat is me myselluf,
unt dat if I come unt ket into His hants dere
ain'd no von, no not efen de Sattan himselluf, dat
can^pull me 'vay 'gen.

TESTING TIME COMES 161
' Unt vile I lissen unt hear effery vort, peliefing
id's all true, 'pout somepody ellas, I hear a vort
in here [striking his breast] dellin' me, " Jes, Yem,
jou ben de man all dis for." Und I ton't vait
anoder minit. I pelief id. I say, "Jes, Lord
Yesus, I bin de man you die for. Unt now I
bin coin' to gif myselluf all oop for you." Unt if
any man say to me any more, " How jou know all
dis ? " I say to him, " How I know ? Vat you tink
id is keep me frum svearin', frum bein' bucko',
from keddin' tronk, frum hatin' myselluf unt efery-
pody ellas? Jou ton't know? Veil, I do. Id
bin de Lort Gott Allmighty. Nopotty ellas can
do it. Unt now I vas yoost like a leedle shild. I
haf lose de taste for de bad unt find id for de
goot, tank Gott. Unt if I, dot vas so bad, "unt
tondt know anyting 't all, ked holt of dis goot ting
who in de vorlt coin' to be left oud. Gott bless
eferypotty, for Yesus Christ sake. Amen." '
The broken, halting words ceased, but theii
effect upon the audience was marvellously mani
fested. Talk about the efforts of oratory, the
power to sway with magic words allied to the
music of the human voice multitudes of people
as the wind sways the corn.. Wonderful the
M'

1 62 WITH CHRIST AT SEA
gift, but here was a man hardly able to speak
the language of his hearers, ignorant of all elocu
tionary rules, of any tricks of rhetoric, who had so
gripped the hearts of his audience that they wept,
almost writhed, under the fierce stress of their
emotions. And as he descended from the platform
the meeting broke up, for all present wanted to
press his hand. And I, who dreaded intensely all
forms of spasmodic emotional religion, mere play
of feeling influenced by externals and evanescent
as the ripple upon water when the wind dies away,
was so profoundly moved that I was glad to get
away into a corner and simmer down. Then the
evening was wound up with the singing of the
Doxology, and the four of us returned on board as
if we were treading on air.
Henceforward, during our stay in Portland we
went ashore every night and became most intimate
with earnest Christian people of every sort. In
fact, the time passed all too quickly. But of all
the people that we met I think those who im
pressed us the most were of the class that laboured
mightily with their hands. In all sorts of queer
rooms we foregathered and held our prayer-
meetings, praise-meetings, experience -meetings.

TESTING TIME COMES 163
Never once were we allowed to feel that life was
uninteresting. Never once did the idea occur to
us, ' These people have had enough of our society,
and we had better return to our ship and stay
there.' All this happiness culminated on the day
of our departure in the visit of every one of those
acquainted with us who could get away for the
purpose, assembling on the wharf to see us off.
The old man, who had only a dim idea of how
we had been employing our time, was astounded
at the warmth of our farewells. We were all
greatly touched, and those who know the reputa
tion that Portland, Oregon, holds as regards the
behaviour of seamen will agree with me that such
a send-off must have caused quite a sensation.
So, again laden with blessings, we departed for
home, for the long, long stretch down to the Horn
and up again to the well-beloved group of islands
in 5 1 N. We were exceptionally favoured by fine
weather, having an almost ideal passage except as
regards length. That we were much longer than
usual was due solely to the fact that we had a
patent machine on board for scrubbing the vessel's
bottom while at sea. All sailors know how much
the marine growth upon that part of the vessel

1 64 WITH CHRIST AT SEA
below the water hinders the progress of the ship.
This machine was intended to do away with such
hindrance. But, unhappily, it scraped off the
anti-fouling composition as well as the weeds,
barnacles, &c, with the result that on the bare
iron the impediments accumulated at an astonish
ing rate. I have often wondered how it is that
the marine growths prefer bare iron to anything
else except bare wood for growing on. Ships that
are sheathed with copper or yellow metal never
get such masses upon them as do iron ships in at
least half the time.
However, we reached Falmouth at last, all in
excellent health and spirits, and were soon thronged
with visitors from the captain's home, St. Ives.
And this gave me, at any rate, a severe shock
incidentally. For these visitors were all keenly
religious, yet from the time they came on board
until they left they talked scandal— wicked, wither
ing scandal — of those they had left at home. And
as we were working about amongst them we could
not help hearing their conversation in full detail.
The amount of harm it did among us I cannot
estimate, but I feel sure that if those careless
talkers had known how their slanderous tongues

TESTING TIME COMES 165
were influencing their hearers they would have
repented bitterly. Years after I read a wonderful
little book by an author whose name I have for
gotten, entitled ' Death in the Pot' It dealt with
the terrible habit of scandal-mongering among some
body of Dissenters to which the author belonged,
and with great clarity of language pointed out
the evil that was being done in this way. From
my brief experience of that visit in the 'West
York ' I could heartily endorse every word of it.
But there was a powerful antidote at hand in
the knowledge of those with whom I had lived and
worked so long, who never said an unkind word of
each other, or allowed backbiting in their hearing
without standing up manfully for the maligned and
absent one. The pity of this accursed habit is
that it grows upon the hearer unless he fights
tremendously against it. He begins to suspect
that those whom he has so long trusted and loved
are talking about him in his absence in the same
way, and that he can repose confidence in no one.
Enough, however, for the present on this unhappy
theme. It was the only time in all my sea experi
ence that I came across it, and the culprits were
not sailors.

1 66 WITH CHRIST AT SEA
Orders came for us to proceed to Belfast, and
with beautiful weather we proceeded to this, our
final port. When we came up before the shipping
master to be paid off, the old gentleman declared
that in all. his forty years' experience he had never
seen so respectable and fit-looking a crew come to
the pay table. At which our good old skipper
was hugely delighted. But then came in that
abominable break in our relations which is cha
racteristic of the Merchant Service. Having
learned to like each other, having proved our worth
to the ship, we were now scattered to the four
winds of heaven, because the ship did not want us
until she was ready to go to sea again. And of
course we none of us could take the risk of waiting
in Belfast for her.
It was a sad parting. Ballantyne and Turner
went home to their people in Scotland, and it was
only three weeks ago that I saw Turner again
after a lapse of twenty-four years. He is master
of a splendid steamer, and has been so for several
years. And through meeting him I heard from
Ballantyne yesterday, whom I had also lost sight
or sound of for the same period. Of Jem I must
say a few parting words, but reserve them for the
next chapter.

CHAPTER IX
HALTING ON THE UPWARD WAY
SAILORS get so accustomed to the pain of parting
with their dear ones for long periods that they
naturally become somewhat hardened, but for my
own part I had never had anyone so dear to me
as to make the pain of parting with them severe.
It is true that I had in some measure given my
affections to places instead of people, feeling
always more or less sad at leaving a port that I
had become accustomed to. But the breaking up of
the ' West York's ' crew made me feel more miser
able than any such separation had hitherto done.
I dreaded to lose Jem, yet I knew that it was
inevitable. He had not been to his native place
in Norway for many years, and was now firmly
resolved to visit it and spread in his own language
among his own countrymen the glorious news of
what the Gospel of Jesus Christ had done for him.
And here I must interpolate that only a few

1 68 WITH CHRIST AT SEA
months ago I received a letter from Port Chalmers,
written by Aleck Falconer, the whilom tender
hearted little barber, but now seamen's missionary
in Dunedin, in the course of which he informed me
that Jem had devoted his life to the spread of the
Gospel in Bergen and had been an enormous
power for good.
When the day of parting came, Turner and
Ballantyne bade me an affectionate farewell, but
restrained their feelings, after our island manner.
None the less, I know that they both felt the
breaking up of our happy family as deeply as I did.
But when at last the hour for Jem's departure drew
near he came silently up to me, and,- taking my
hand, drew me into his room. Then without one
word being spoken we fell on our knees and
remained for sqme moments in unspoken prayer.
At last, with a great sob, Jem burst out : ' Oh,
dear Himmelsky Fader Gott, dou sees dat me an'
mein dear broder here haf got to say goot-bye.
Tondt let us efer forget von anoder. Keep oos
straight. Keep oos full of dy lof. Make oos boat
strong as lions 'gainst de teufel an' lofing as dou
art tovards all de people ve gomes alonkside of.
Hellup oos to bear dis partin'. Lort, dou knows

HALTING ON THE UPWARD WAY 169
id's fery hardt, after vat ve ben to each oder, but
dy vill be allvus done. Dake dis mein broder
into dy arms unt holdt him dere tighdt. Tondt
let him lost de schmile of dy face, no not for von
minnit of his life. Unt den, dough ve nefer see
von anoder in dis vorld any more, ve know ve
meet again ven you vill be dere to keep oos and
bless us vit dy bresence allvus. Lord Yesus bless
him, bless me, bless all our shibmates and de dear
vons ve leaf in Noo Seelant, unt pring oos all home
togedder ven our vork ben done down here.
Amen.' Then he rose, caught me in his arms, pressed
his streaming face to mine, and departed. I dropped
into a chair and sat like one stunned. It was such
a terrible wrench. It was my first great bereave
ment. And though, we Britons pride ourselves on
concealing our feelings, and cultivate a sort of
pitying scorn of those who do not or cannot,
there is something in the knowledge of the brother
hood of Christ that elevates friendship, sacred and
lovely as that always is, into a purer, higher, holier
atmosphere, making us understand the sublime
lament of David for Jonathan. And by such
means we obtain as in no other way a deeper

170 WITH CHRIST AT SEA
insight into the meaning of the love of God for
man. Deep in my heart I cherish the memory of
several men whom I have loved, and who have
loved me, because the love of the Father had drawn
us together, and when I recall our perfect com
munion of heart I feel grateful to God for having
allowed me to live that I might know how dear He
can make His people one to another, how perfect
is the happiness that such lofty love provides.
It was with a lonely heart that I also prepared
to leave Belfast. Insensibly I had grown very
dependent upon the love and sympathy of my
three watchmates, and now that they were all gone
the empty place refused to be filled. I could not
at once fall back upon the never-failing com
panionship of Him who had promised that I
should never seek in vain for true companionship
any more. Being very human and weak, the
longing for the love and sympathy of my fellows
was great, and, lacking it, I was nearly miserable.
Some strange impulse drew me London- wards.
But I thought I would see Liverpool again on my
journey thither — I suppose because I was curious
to know how I should feel walking those stony
hearted streets no longer as a penniless outcast,

HALTING ON THE UPWARD WAY 171
but warmly clad and with twenty-five bright
sovereigns in my pocket. So I took a deck
passage in the ' Voltaic* for Liverpool, and enjoyed
much the novel sensation of being a passenger,
until, the night growing very cold, I climbed
on to the 'fidley,' or grating over the stokehold,
and tried to go to sleep. Very soon I was joined
by an elderly pig merchant who was coming over
with about a hundred of those useful but noisy
beasts. No sooner had he got comfortably seated
than he began mumbling an appalling litany of
cursings and blasphemies, with no apparent object.
For a little while I could hardly believe my ears,
but being quickly assured of the horror of his
language I remonstrated with him. The only
result was to make him louder, and if possible
more blasphemous than before. And then, to my
own astonishment, I suddenly became furious. I
felt such a savage outburst of anger as I had never
known before in my life. I snatched at him and
dragged him off the fidley, assuring him earnestly
that if he didn't close his filthy mouth I would
drop him down the stokehold. And he, taken by
surprise, I suppose, obeyed, nor, as far as I am
aware, did he speak another word all night.

172 WITH CHRIST AT SEA
On that gridiron-like couch we dozed uneasily,
until just as morning dawned I awoke with a
horrible choking sensation in my throat. I was
covered with a thick layer of black ash that had
risen from the stokehold when they damped down
after cleaning fires, and my nostrils, ears and eyes
seemed full of fine grit, and as there was no accom
modation on board for deck passengers to wash I
landed in Liverpool in this deplorable condition.
Yet the experience did me good, for I now felt the
satisfaction of being able to go and get renovated,
be treated with the utmost courtesy, and emerge
into the street again an independent, self-respecting
man, because I had my hard earnings in my pocket
and knew how to spend them.
I only stayed in Liverpool long enough to
visit the scenes of my sufferings, and next day
took train for London. Now, when my railway
journeys about the country run into several
thousands of miles each year, I often think regret
fully of the abounding delight felt at that swift
passage through the beautiful country, just clothing
itself in all the beauty of spring. By the time
that the train reached Willesden my eyes ached and
burned with the intensity of my gaze over hill and

HALTING ON THE UPWARD WAY 173
dale, coppice, meadow and stream, yet I could have
wished the journey had been three times as long.
I went on to Liverpool Street from Willesden, left
my dunnage there, and strolled out into the whirl
of the great city, feeling utterly strange and forlorn.
After aimlessly wandering about for some time, I
found myself on London Bridge, in the company
of that little line of vacant-looking people who
may always be found gazing down upon the dis
charging steamers or the gliding barges. I stood
among them looking vacant too, and feeling indeed
like a stranger in a strange land. And it was not
until I was thoroughly chilled and weary that I
made up my mind to go West and seek a lodging.
I found a decent furnished room in the neighbour
hood of King's Cross, and there I remained for
about three weeks, one of twenty single men who
occupied rooms in the same house, going out early
in the morning and returning to sleep — never
becoming acquainted with each other, their very
occupations enveloped in mystery, the only thing
demanded of them by the hard-working, hard-
featured landlady being that they should pay their
rent punctually, come in quietly, and bring no
doubtful visitors with them.

174 WITH CHRIST AT SEA
But it was a very lonely life. My circle of
occupations was circumscribed greatly by my firm
belief that theatres and music-halls were places of
evil into which I dared not go, that public-houses
were if anything worse, and that I had not one single
acquaintance of either sex. So I read a good deal,
went to all the museums, parks, gardens and such
like mildly exciting places of recreation, only
visiting the docks one day to get my discharge in
for another voyage. I left it with the chief officer
of the ' Dartmouth,' a fine comfortable-looking old
barque of about 900 tons register, bound for Hong
Kong via Cardiff. Then I returned to my solitary
life until she should be ready for sea, counting the
days somewhat wistfully until that time should
arrive. I ought to say that I also went to several
churches, including the Abbey and St. Paul's, for
the service, but did not enjoy it at all, except the
singing. Chapels I somehow felt shy at entering ;
they always seemed to me like private places in
which a stranger had no business. And I knew
absolutely nothing about sailors' institutes, because
I never remained in Sailor Town. This excessive
shyness is characteristic of sailors — they want a

HALTING ON THE UPWARD WAY 175
good deal of pressing invitation before they will
venture shamefacedly into the very places prepared
for them. Taking it altogether, I was by no means sorry
when the time came to go to sea again, although
I dreaded much the possibility of getting along
with a hard crowd after my last delightful experi
ence. But things turned out much better than I
had anticipated. Although there was not a single
man on board beside myself that had the slightest
Christian sympathies, they were a very good lot of
fellows, one only excepted. She was well manned,
too, for a modern sailing ship ; six A.B.'s and one
ordinary in each watch for a vessel under a
thousand tons could not but be considered a good
crew, in view of the fact that in my last ship,
nearly as heavily rigged, we only had four A.B.'s
in a watch and no ordinaries. The composition
of the crew as far as nationality was concerned
was about the average — i.e. one Swede, one Dane,
one Finn, two Frenchmen (very unusual this for
an English ship), one Alsatian (bo'sun), one
Italian, one Mauritius negro, three American
negroes, whereof one was an ordinary seaman in
my watch and the other two were cook and

176 WITH CHRIST AT SEA
steward respectively. The remaining thirteen —
that is, master, three mates, carpenter, two boys
(from the ' Chichester '), one ordinary seaman, and
five A.B.'s — were all British, and all, with the
exception of one gaunt Irishman, in my watch,
excellent seamen. This latter individual, who
disgraced the kindly race from which he sprang,
had one accomplishment, one boast — it was that
of possessing the widest experience of prisons of
any man he had ever met with. And he was
always anxioUs to sample a new one. Taking him
' by and large ' I do not think it possible to give a
more concise summary of Mr. Michael O'Dwyer's
character than that enunciated by the skipper
when we finally got rid of our shipmate in Hong
Hong : ' You're not fit to carry for ballast' And
so I leave him. A sprightly little countryman of
his in the starboard watch informed me confiden
tially that he didn't believe O'Dwyer was an
Irishman at all — that he was just a low down
New York mongrel that hated Ireland, and was
doing his best to bring its people into contempt.
Now although the description of this crew may
not seem very promising to a landsman, they were
really a good lot of fellows on the whole. And

HALTING ON THE UPWARD WAY 177
as we had a superlatively excellent skipper, who
possessed that genius for command without which
no master, however seamanlike, can hope to main
tain discipline in a merchant ship, we were really
fairly comfortable. But of Christianity there was
not a shred, a trace. I had a concertina, and was
allowed to sing hymns to it as much as I would,
my shipmates seeming to take a good deal of
pleasure in listening, but their interest in spiritual
matters never went any farther. They never
interfered with me in any way, listened quietly
whenever I talked of Christ, but there it stopped.
And this was not good for me. Had they perse
cuted me, driven me to the one unfailing recourse
for comfort, I should have grown and developed
undoubtedly ; but their good-humoured toleration
and unfailing good-fellowship was enervating, and
I gradually grew cold spiritually, began to enjoy
a good yarn with them, found myself laughing at
the old questionable stories, and coming away with
a sense of guilt that made me most wretched. So
wretched, in fact, that I was glad to get back to
their enlivening company again for relief from the
tormenting accusation in my own heart.
Perhaps this peculiar frame of mind will sur-
N

178 WITH CHRIST AT SEA
prise many of my readers, but I would like them
to remember that I was groping my way unaided
by any example or precept except the best of all,
that which came from the Word itself. And while
on the one hand I was intensely afraid of becoming
a hypocrite, on the other my natural love of com
pany and cheerful conversation was continually
drawing me away from that quietness of tongue
and carefulness of behaviour in which alone I felt
I could live as the Lord would have me. And I
was also greatly self-tormented. It seemed to me
that I could hardly dare to open my mouth in
speech without saying something to repent of.
To me there were no such things as little sins,
' Every idle word ' — the giving an account of those
idle words hereafter robbed me of my peace, and
in sheer despair of getting relief I sought my
shipmates' company more and more.
But when standing my trick at the wheel, or
taking my turn on the look-out, those two silent
hours in the stillness of the tropical night were
often periods of fierce conflict, wherein I suffered
many things, because I was fighting my supposed
foes myself, never having learned the lesson of how
to stand still and see the salvation of the Lord.

HALTING ON THE UPWARD WAY 179
But one inexpressible comfort was mine. It alone
kept me from becoming a prey to religious mania,
kept me from despair. It was the absolute un
assailable certainty of my salvation. Having once
believed the words of the Master, ' My sheep hear
my voice, and I know them, and. they follow me :
and I give unto them eternal life ; and they shall
never perish, and no one shall snatch them out of
my hand. My Father, which hath given them
unto me, is greater than all ; and no one is able to
snatch them out of the Father's hand. I and the
Father are one,' there was in my mind no further
question of salvation involved. The eternal life
which had been communicated to me by contact
with the Son was what its name implied, im
perishable. The matter admitted of no contro
versy. The trouble was now the worthy maintenance
of the position I held, not for fear of punishment,
but from dread of grieving the great loving heart
of the Saviour, my Lord and my God. Believe
me, these statements are not made controversially.
Of theological argument I know nothing. But as
far as in me lies I must state, having been granted
the golden opportunity to do so, how the whole

180 WITH CHRIST AT SEA
operation of the Gospel of Jesus Christ struck me
without any human teaching at all, solely by steady
reading of that volume which I accepted entirely
as the Word of the Living God. And I have also
found the same unassisted conclusions arrived at
by many other seamen who have been in like
manner thrown upon their own resources.
Well, to return to the 'Dartmouth.' Highly
favoured by the weather, we made a fairly rapid
passage to Hong Kong, and very soon after our
arrival got rid of the only really unpleasant member
of the crew, O'Dwyer. The first Sunday in port a
steam launch came puffing alongside at about
10 A.M., flying the Bethel flag. A gentleman
mounted the side, and, seeking the skipper, asked
his permission for any of the crew who wished to
do so to attend service on board a ship in the
harbour, giving complete assurance that whoever
went would be brought straight back again. Alone
of our crowd I accepted the invitation, but I am
bound to say that the response from the other ships
was little better. A goodly fleet was at anchor
there, but the whole number that finally disem
barked from the launch on board the Bethel ship
was under twenty, about one from each ship I

HALTING ON THE UPWARD WAY 181
should think, not, of course, counting the war-vessels
and steamships at the wharves. We climbed on
board and stood shyly in a little group, while our
shepherd went aft and held a consultation with the
captain. Presently a scowling unkempt second
mate ambled forrard, and in a hoarse voice
shouted : ' Lay aft an' rig the Church.' One by
one out of the fo'csle slouched the dirtiest looking
crowd of ruffians I ever saw on board of a ship.
Not only were they dirty, but they had been
enjoying a free fight on the previous evening, and
all of them bore evident marks of the struggle; It
must have been nearly half an hour before the
quarter-deck was prepared for service, by spreading
an awning and draping it with flags, as well as
providing some kind of seats. This being done,
the ship's crew slouched forrard again, muttering
curses, and we saw no more of them.
This reception alone would have gone far to
chill the desire for assembling ourselves together
in worship under such conditions, even had the
ensuing service been of the best and brightest kind.
Unhappily, it was anything but that. Somebody
read the Church of England service very badly ; no
hymns were sung, and when that mournful per-

1 82 WITH CHRIST AT SEA
formance was over, somebody else read a sermon
out of a book in even more perfunctory style than
the service had been delivered. What wonder,
then, that every man there registered a vow that
nothing should ever tempt him to come to that
ship again. For my part, I avow that I was
delighted to get away, and I was filled with
indignation at the awful waste of means to do
good. I blame nobody ; but it was, to my mind,
a serious object lesson in the folly of any man
taking up work for which he had no qualification,
and in which he evidently showed little interest.
As we were not allowed ashore except on
liberty day, I had no other opportunity during our
stay of assembling with fellow Christians for
prayer and praise. I went ashore with my watch
on liberty day, and endeavoured to bring my
chum, a slow-witted but wonderfully good-natured
Finn, back with me before dark. But he evaded
the in some way, and when I met some others of
my watchmates and, inquired after him, they told
me that he was to be found in Tai-pin-shang, a
street which had an unsavoury reputation, worse
indeed than I had any idea of. Thither I went
to look for him, but only succeeded in getting

HALTING ON THE UPWARD WAY 183
myself into serious trouble with the hordes of evil-
looking Chinese of both sexes that were lounging
about waiting for drunken sailors to prey upon.
I escaped with only the loss of a coat-sleeve,
which was torn off by a burly Chinaman who
endeavoured to stop me as I fled, faster, I think,
than I had ever done before in my life. I had
seen enough of Hong Kong, so I made direct for
the wharf, where sampans lay for hire. Just as I
was about to step into the nearest one — it being
almost dark at the time — a white policeman came
forward and stopped me. Producing a book, he
proceeded to enter my replies to his Questions of
what ship I belonged to, what was my name, and
also the number of the sampan, and the hour and
minute of my departure. As this proceeding
seemed curious, I asked him why these precautions
were taken. He told me that they were absolutely
necessary, in view of the fact that the sampan
coolies would at any time murder a man for his
clothes if they thought they could do so without
detection. But so thorough was the system of
registration adopted in Hong Kong that any
sampan coolie could be found out of the twenty
thousand or so that gained some sort of a livelihood

184 WITH CHRIST AT SEA
in this way. I thanked him and started, but
admit that I kept a wary eye upon the movements
of my boatmen.
I got on board all right and very quickly. The
mate greeted me with a coarse joke as I came
over the rail, and inquired after my shipmates.
But I had no information to give him. Moreover,
I was anxious to escape from his peculiar chaff.
So as soon as I could in civility I fled forrard and
turned in to enjoy a splendid night's rest. Next
morning my watchmates all turned up, looking as
if the store of robust health they had accumulated
during the preceding four months had not only
been dissipated, but a heavy overdraft, been made
upon the future. Two days after we left for
Manila in ballast to load hemp for home.
We had a stormy passage across against the full
force of the S.W. monsoon, and all my shipmates
were very miserable. They were unable to find
solace in anything but a recital of their adventures
in Hong Kong, and this they indulged themselves,
with regularly at every meal-time for at least a
month. But it would be impossible for me to
give here the faintest idea of their conversation.,,
and I am sure that if any of them could have

HALTING ON THE UPWARD WAY 185
seen a verbatim report of it they would have felt
disgusted with themselves. That, however, is one
of the regular conditions of fo'csle life, which
should always be reckoned with by those who
labour for the moral elevation of the sailor.
In Hong Kong we had shipped two men, one
to replace O'Dwyer and one to work his passage
home, both very nice fellows. But my heart went
out to the first one, a tall gentlemanly Yankee
from Vermont, who might, I think, have risen to
any height he chose, for he had great abilities.
But having run through his patrimony at a furious
rate, he had as a last resource taken to the sea.
American ships were too much for him, he said : the
grub was all right, but the nigger-driving he couldn't
stand. English vessels just suited him, for he
could put up with a good deal of starvation, Red
Indian fashion, if he only could at regular intervals
have an enormous feed. But steady, persistent
hard work he could not, would not, do. His story
was a sad one. Left master of a fine farm near
the Canadian border of Vermont, he found life
dull, and having during his various visits to the
eastern cities acquired a keen thirst for intoxicants,
he took that method of enlivening himself. It

1 86 WITH CHRIST AT SEA
was not easy, for Vermont was strictly a Prohibi
tion State — no liquor was obtainable except under
a doctor's order. So he used to hitch up his
splendid team of horses and drive I don't know
how many miles into Canada, returning laden with
cases of champagne and brandy. Then, calling to
his aid other young fellows like-minded, they would
enter upon a debauch which lasted until the drink
was all gone.
This went on until he had spent all, in spite of
the loving remonstrances of his friends, of the loss
of his sweetheart, who sensibly enough refused to
marry him unless he reformed. And now he was
an A.B. on board the ' Dartmouth,' in the full
vigour of manhood and intelligence, but without a
single aspiration or care for the future.
He and I became very close friends, and I
naturally tried my universal remedy on him. But
he was as hard as the nether millstone. He never
scoffed at me, never spoke harshly of God or the
Bible, but he said that he was certain, from his
experience of professing Christians, that not one
of them was anything but the worst kind of
hypocrite, only assuming a sanctimonious air of
religion for selfish purposes. He showed me

HALTING ON THE UPWARD WAY 187
letters from friends of both sexes, full of the most
tender expressions of concern for him, offering to
do all that was possible to them for his reclama
tion. And having read them I told him that it
was impossible for me to understand his attitude
of mind. He did not attempt to explain or defend
it, and I was obliged to believe that the only
reason for it was the old one, i.e. that sin was
so pleasant to him that he was willing to go
any length, suffer any consequences, rather than
abandon it or have it taken away from him. It
was grievous in the extreme, for he was one of the
dearest fellows I have ever met.
And now, having outrun my space for this
chapter, I must close it in a few words. The
passage home was uneventful and comfortable.
Too comfortable perhaps for me, for I was con
scious of a distinct relaxation of moral fibre, there
being no opposition and no fellowship in spiritual
matters. I still pursued my studies in navigation,
and had the satisfaction not only of teaching
others but of ' passing ' for second mate myself a
fortnight after I left the ship. In fact, on the
arrival home of the ' Dartmouth ' I entered upon
a totally new phase of my life.

CHAPTER X
A LONG-FELT WANT SUPPLIED
Upon leaving the ' Dartmouth,' which it is my
peculiar pride and pleasure to remember that T
did with the goodwill of everyone on board, I
somewhat timidly interviewed the ' old man.' He
was very taciturn, and seldom came into personal
contact with any of the foremast hands, yet, as I
have said, he made his authority so thoroughly
felt that the vessel was more perfectly disciplined
than any merchant ship I have ever sailed in. But
I could not help feeling that, since he had not
spoken a hundred words to me during the voyage
of nearly twelve months, he would not be very
likely to respond graciously to the question I was
about to put to him. But it was essential that I
should obtain what I wanted from him, as other
wise I could not do what I had set my heart upon,
viz. go up for examination by the Board of Trade
officials for the qualifications of a second mate.

A LONG-FELT WANT SUPPLIED 189
Unless I had a personal reference from my last
master, I would not be permitted to enter the lists
at all, so I braced up and tackled the stern old
gentleman, finding to my intense surprise and
gratification that he was most gracious towards
me. He gave me a really splendid • testimonial,
telling me that he had kept his eye upon me all
the voyage. The sea-stained and weather-worn
old document is before me now as I write, but I
will not quote it for fear of being accused of
vanity. The examination I found ridiculously easy,
although I had dreaded it much, and with my
creamy new certificate in my pocket I felt quite
proud. Indeed, about this time I was very happy.
I was, as I have said before, in the early twenties,
and for the first time in my life I fell in love.
Better still, my affection was returned, and the
girl of my choice did not think worse of me,
but better, because I was ' very religious.' Visions
of a home of my own, of someone there while I
was at sea who would pray for me and long for
my return, blossomed before my mental vision,
and I went in for castle-building extensively. It
is impossible to say what this new development

i9o WITH CHRIST AT SEA
meant to me. To one so long alone in the world
as I had been, without one beloved object upon
whom to pour out the treasures of a naturally
warm heart, the prospect of possessing that object
was entrancing. No thought of what the weary
separations might mean to • her troubled me.
Selfishly, I am afraid, I only thought of the joy of
finding a natural outlet for long pent-up affection,
of having a lode-star somewhere on earth, some
person who would think about me and be grieved
at my death if that should happen.
Yes, I was very happy. Not even the discon
certing fact that I was compelled to go to sea
again as an A.B. had power to make me miser
able. Really I had expected that, for no one
knew better than I did how very difficult it was
for a friendless young officer to get a ship in
London. But I did hope that perhaps in some
far-away port I might get a ship as second mate
and prevail upon my skipper to let me go. So, in
this hope, I got a ship bound for new Zealand
again, a most beautiful looking vessel of about 800
tons register, and, much to my gratification, had
two of my old shipmates of the ' Dartmouth ' ship
with me. I cannot name my new vessel, for her

A LONG-FELT WANT SUPPLIED 191
owner is still alive, and I would not like to hurt his
feelings by the hard things I must presently say
about her.
Besides, he (the owner) is, I know, a very good
Christian man, and it would grieve him much to
know how utterly Godless was the life on board
any one of his ships. The sailing day arrived, and
I felt for the first time the pain of parting with
one of the opposite sex, who, in the three weeks of
our acquaintance, had become very dear to me.
But my pain was, I know, very light compared
with hers. We were both friendless youngsters,
but I realised afterwards how much harder was
her lot than mine, how weary her life was cooped
up in a stuffy work-room in the city of London,
with only the hope of meeting me again to look
forward to. My sorrow was brief, for many things
combined to drive it away, and I had what to me
was a great boon, somebody at home to think
of, to plan for, and to look forward to meeting
again. We left the South-West India Docks in fine
fettle, with, for a wonder, a sober crew, and before
we had been twelve hours out of dock were pulling
together as if we had been shipmates all our lives —

192 WITH CHRIST AT SEA
so much so that two days after, when we en
countered that tremendous squall in which the
' Eurydice ' foundered (we were only a few miles to
leeward of her when she capsized) we made light
of it, handling the vessel like a yacht. We had
half-a-dozen passengers on board — a lady going
out to join her husband, with her little girl, a
Yankee traveller in the saloon, and four second-
class passengers, who lived in the apprentices'
house forrard. All looked forward to making a
speedy, comfortable passage, the vessel being fast
and handy in smooth water. But, oh ! when she
first met with a moderately heavy sea ! Then she
revealed herself to us in all her innate brutality.
I really think that she had almost every vice that
a ship can have. Yet it may have been her cargo,
for she was deeply laden with general merchandise,
of which at least 400 tons was iron, mostly in the
shape of rods and wire, which of course made her
unkindly in a sea-way.
In addition to the discomfort of the ship her
self, the skipper and the mate both drank to excess
in bad weather, and often when all hands had been
called to shorten sail the watch that should have
gone below were kept standing about in the deep

A LONG-FELT WANT SUPPLIED 193
water on deck, not daring to go below until told,
yet knowing very well that there was no earthly
reason why they should be kept there. At other
times I have seen the watch below all standing
ready clad in oilskin just inside the fo'csle door
expecting to be called upon to shorten sail while
the vessel, pressed far beyond what she could
safely bear, was wallowing along through an awful
sea, burying herself under it, and the skipper and
mate, both rolling drunk, were tumbling about
inside the cabin.
Yet this experience was not bad for me. It
drove me back again to my ever-faithful comforter,
it made me pray to be spared for the sake of the
watching one at home, and even when I stood at
the wheel, peering into a compass that had lost its
polarity, trying in vain to ' feel ' through the asinine
complications of the patent steering-gear how she
wanted helm, and unable to fix any other guide for
my course than the feel of the wind in the pitchy
blackness of the night, I often felt quite cheerful.
But it was always an anxious time, and although
there was no sense of religion as far as I could see
on board, there was far less profanity and filth in
the fo'csle than customary. O

194 WITH CHRIST AT SEA
There was only one man who was inclined to
make things unpleasant in the fo'csle by his
roughness and wickedness generally, and he,
strangely enough, was a Scotchman from the far
North, a great raw-boned, shoulder-of-mutton fisted
fellow that ought to have been a Cameronian Elder.
Unlike O'Dwyer of the ' Dartmouth,' though,
Angus was a splendid seaman and a hard worker,
and I think only his natural desire to rule made
him cantankerous. At any rate, he was exceed
ingly hard upon my poor, easy-going Finn chum,
who, as I said before, had followed me out of the
' Dartmouth.' No doubt poor Johnny was aggra-
vatingly deliberate in his movements, no doubt
the mild pathetic look in his light blue eyes and
his feeble command of English were somewhat
trying ; but these things, coupled with his extra
ordinary amiability and "his staunch friendship for
me, made me feel any indignity put upon him
more than if it had been put upon myself.
Therefore, one memorable afternoon (to me),
when I had come into the fo'csle on some
errand, and I heard Angus berating poor Johnny
in no measured tones, I ventured to tell the big
Scotchman that he ought to be ashamed of himself

A LONG-FELT WANT SUPPLIED 195
for thus taking advantage of a harmless fellow
who, but that he was a little slow, was as good a
man as any in the ship. My remarks transformed
Angus into a furious demon who thirsted for my
blood, but singularly enough he did not imme
diately attack me. He only invited me to come
outside and be pounded into a jelly. Then I told
him that I was anything but a fighting man, even
had the conditions of warfare been equal. I told
him that I knew he could probably break all my
bones with his left hand tied behind him. But
that knowledge would never prevent me from
saying a word for the right, and I felt sure that if
he would only give the matter his calm considera
tion he would agree with me that his behaviour
towards Johnny was utterly unworthy of a big
brave man. For a few minutes I thought he
would break a blood-vessel, he was so enraged ;
then he cooled down slightly and went to a seat,
with his head between his hands. And thence
forward, although Angus and I were never very
intimate, he and Johnny were firm friends. They
sailed together for years, until the vessel in which
they were coming home was lost, and poor John
was drowned. But that story is too long to be

1 96 WITH CHRIST AT SEA
told here, involving as it does a recital of self-
sacrificing love that has never been excelled in any
fiction. Bad as the behaviour of the vessel always was,
we did not suffer the full measure of her iniquity
until we were well within the stormy region
between the Cape and Australia known to seamen
as the ' Easting.' Then it was found necessary
for the safety of the ship to build a barricade of
two-inch planks right across the front of the poop,
for the enormous masses of water that kept bursting
over all threatened to gut the whole of the officers'
and passengers' quarters. Running before the
westerly gale and following sea she was like a
half-tide rock, and for six weeks we lived in oil
skins and sea-boots, while the slimy sea-grass grew
thickly upon her decks, owing to the incessant wash
of the sea over her.
In the fo'csle we did not discuss the matter
much, but every one of us felt that we were being
balanced upon the very edge of death, and the
drunkenness of the skipper made matters so much
worse for us. At last, on Easter Sunday, when
the gale was at its height, it was manifest that,
firstly, the amount of sail she could carry would

A LONG-FELT WANT SUPPLIED 197
not suffice to keep her ahead of the sea any longer ;
secondly, that the operation of ' heaving-to,' while
attended with the most terrible danger, must be
performed ; and, lastly, that in all human pro
bability before another twenty-four hours had
passed we should all have disappeared from mortal
ken, like one of the bursting bubbles on the foam
crests around. At 10 A.M. all hands were called
and ordered to stand by for 'heaving-to.' Now
this term, though highly technical, is, I think,
susceptible of explanation to'landsmen. It means
that, as the ship is built to breast the sea, her
safest position in a gale is with her bows pointing
as nearly in the direction from which wind and sea
are coming as possible, for she then rises to meet
the waves, whereas when the waves are overtaking
her the stern has a tendency to cower down before
them and let them rage over the deck, doing
dreadful damage. But after a ship has been run
ning before wind and sea until both have risen to a
fearful height, it becomes a task of great danger
and difficulty to ' heave-to ' — that is, to turn her
round to face the elements she has been fleeing
from. First of all, it means the reduction of sail to

198 WITH CHRIST AT SEA
almost nothing, which, as it reduces the vessel's
speed, is in itself a serious danger, as the halting
vessel may be overwhelmed. Next, in the actual
process of turning the ship round she must of
necessity be for a brief space broadside on to those
tremendous waves, presenting her most vulnerable
part to their awful attack. And then much depends
upon the seaworthy qualities of the vessel herself.
Some ships seem never to have got upon intimate
terms with the sea — they actually court attack and
consequent injury ; while others will brave and
weather the fiercest storms with impunity, as if
they were as privileged citizens of the sea as the
birds and fish. Our ship belonged to the former
hapless class, so that when we took our stations it
was with the gloomiest apprehension that we
viewed the task before us. As we waited the sky
cleared a little, and the ' old man,' catching at the
smallest hope, ' hung on,' to see if the weather was
really going to be finer. But while we stood
watching the incessant onslaught of those moun
tainous seas, there suddenly came howling out from
the westward an awful squall laden with snow.
The winds seemed to redouble in violence, the whole
air was obscured by the fast falling flakes, and as

A LONG-FELT WANT SUPPLIED 199
the miserable ship, like an over-driven horse, tried
to stagger forward, three vast seas leapt on board
at once, one over the taffrail and one over each side.
I was on the fo'csle head, stationed there at the fore-
topmast staysail sheet with the other old shipmate
from the ' Dartmouth,' a nice fellow, but profligate
and Godless to the last degree. In silence we
gazed upon the dreadful scene. Out of that
whirling waste of white only the three masts
emerged ; all the rest of the ship was hidden from
view. And beneath our feet we felt that the
sorely-tried hull was quivering as if in a death
throe under the mighty weight of water. While
we gazed, Bill drew nearer to me and said : ' I
wish I'd lived a better life. It's awful to look death
in the face like this, and feel that you ain't ready
to go. You look all right. How do you feel ? '
The responsibility of answering was great, but
gratefully I record that at that dread moment my
only feeling was one of triumph. And I said :
' Bill, it's one of the blessings that God gives to any
poor weak mortal that leans on Him at all times,
that when the hour of trial comes the necessity for
worrying about anything but one's immediate duty
is taken away. There's no thought of how much

200 WITH CHRIST AT SEA
or how little one has done to justify the favour of
God, but only the deep secure sense of being
immortal, of having just depended upon the
unbreakable word of the Father.' He was silent
for a minute, and then he replied : ' Well, if ever I
get out of this alive, I bet I'll be a different man.
I feel horrible frightened to meet God like I am.'
Now this man was anything but a namby-pamby
fellow who was likely to be swayed by fear ; on
the contrary, he was brave and reckless to the last
degree, besides being a splendid seaman. But stand
ing there quietly and looking upon what seemed
the inevitable destruction of the ship, and knowing
that if she foundered there would be not the
remotest hope of any of her crew surviving, was
too much even for his seasoned nerves, and he
spoke as I have said.
Yet I admit that I had not the slightest faith
in any permanent change being wrought in the man.
Much bitter experience of my own had convinced
me that conversions as the result of fear are the
rarest exceptions to a universal rule of the
Gospel's winning by love. So I told him that I
knew he was quite sincere now, and I earnestly
hoped that when, if ever, he had the opportunity

A LONG-FELT WANT SUPPLIED 201
of showing his readiness to be a Christian in fine
weather he would remember his promise. There
and then he took the most solemn oath that for the
future he would serve God and Him only, if his life
were but spared this once — which did not impress
me in the least, knowing full well, as I did, that if
he would break his promise to God he would break
any oath also.
The water subsided from the deck, revealing a
wretched state of affairs. The bulwarks had burst
outwards for the greater part of the ship's length on
both sides, the massive breakwater built across the
front of the cabin had completely disappeared, and
the handsome teak front of the saloon was all gone
also, leaving only the barren iron skeleton and
showing the saloon full of water, which (we found
afterwards) was pouring down in floods through
the grating of the lazaretto to the store-room
below. But for the moment nothing could be
done to repair damages. It was evident that the
ship would not ' run ' any longer, so the order was
given to lower the top sails and ' spill ' them (quiet
them by means of special gear for that purpose
worked from the deck) ; and as soon as that was
done the skipper, watching for a time -when a

202 WITH CHRIST AT SEA
heavier sea than usual had rolled past, the ninth
wave, sang out : ' Hold on, everybody,' and put the
helm down. Round she came in the great cream
ing valley between two vast combers, and all hands
watched in breathless suspense to see her pass the
danger point. She reached it, waited, lurched up
against the shoulder of the toppling green moun
tain, and, with a shudder like that of a dying
animal, allowed if to overwhelm her. Yet she was
so staunchly built that nothing more important
than deck fittings was carried away, and she rose
again, bowing the sea, and, for the time at any
rate, safe. But throughout the next forty-eight
hours her behaviour was even more terrifying than
when she was running. She would roll to wind
ward and allow an enormous sea to tumble on
board, then over, over she would go to leeward,
until not only the rail, but even the sheer-poles
of the rigging were under water, then back
again, and so on continually. There was not a dry
corner in the ship, and the poor lady with her
little child in the aftercabin sat in an upper bunk
watching the turbid waters lash to and fro in her
berth, destroying all her belongings, and compel
ling her to believe that the ship was sinking.

A LONG-FELT WANT SUPPLIED 203
By the mercy of God the wind eased and the
sea went down, so that we were able once more to
make sail and in some small measure repair
damages. And for the rest of the passage the
weather was sufficiently good to enable us to
make an ordinary passage. As I had expected,
Bill's fit of righteousness lasted but a few days.
It was most curious to see how shamefacedly he
avoided me, as if my opinion or even censure, had I
dared or felt inclined to give it to him, could have
been of any moment. Only a common instance,
I suppose, of how prone we all are to fear the
creature more than the Creator, to value the seen
above the Unseen.
Upon our arrival in Port Lyttelton I was most
fortunate in finding that a dear friend of Port
Chalmers days was in the neighbourhood, in the
position of dispenser to Christchurch Hospital.
In his pleasant company I spent some happy
hours, renewing my memories of that best of all
times in my life. And then one morning my
skipper sent for me and told me that a large ship
in the harbour was in need of a second mate, and
that he had recommended me for the post. But,
he added, as I was bettering myself, and as he would

204 WITH CHRIST AT SEA
have to pay at least 30J. per month more for a
substitute for me' than I was receiving, he could
not give me any of my wages. I pleaded with
him to let me have a little, representing to him
that there were several necessaries I must have on
taking up my new position, but he would not hear
me. He did not want me to go, he said, but if I
went those were the conditions. So I went, and
lost as hardly earned a sum of 10/. as ever I had
been entitled to in my life. I parted with my
shipmates with real regret, for I had been happy
with all of them. Especially gratifying was my
parting with big Angus, who told me in a shame
faced way that my chum John, the Finn, should
never want for a friend as long as he was alive.
And thus with the good wishes of everybody I left
the fo'csle for the quarter-deck.
Here I feel that a new chapter ought to begin,
but alas I am reminded that I am now on the last
instalment of the serial portion of this story, and
I must of necessity go on to say as much as I can
of the new condition of things in the small space
still left to me.
At my first meeting with my new skipper I
felt a thrill of delight. He was an elderly Orkney

A LONG-FELT WANT SUPPLIED 205
man named Seator, overflowing with benevolence,
a sincere Christian and an excellent seaman. His
reception of me was so kind that I was almost
unable to say a word for emotion. As if I had
been an officer of ripe experience instead of a
foremast hand just promoted, he made me wel
come, spoke to me man fashion, and told me that
he was sure I should do well. And my first
impressions of George Traill Seator were, I rejoice
to say, not only abundantly confirmed, but they
were deepened and strengthened the longer I
knew him. He was a man whom I am proud to
have lived to know.
The ship, which was an old one belonging to
Messrs. Shaw Savill & Co., had been absent from
England over two years, and still retained her
original crew, who were nearly all Britons. She
was emphatically a happy ship.
At this time she was chartered by the New
Zealand Government to convey a cargo of railway
material to Adelaide, and my first duty on board
was to superintend the stowage of railway wagons
and locomotives, a task which pleased me very
much. And when at last she was ready for sea
and shifted out into the bay from the wharf, the

206 WITH CHRIST AT SEA
amiable old mate had a serious fall which laid him
up, and I was by force of circumstances compelled
to act as chief officer. But this gave me no con
cern, for the confidence reposed in me by the
master, the knowledge that I was not being
watched in the hope of fault-finding, helped me
marvellously, as it would have been a proof of the
most utter incompetency on my part had I failed
to rise to so favourable an occasion.
A most peculiar state of affairs prevailed on
board, such as I suppose no other merchant ship
has ever known. All the ship's company were
teetotallers, and several of them were Good
Templars. And one of the A.B.s, who had held
high office in the Order, suggested that we should
have a Lodge on board, since we were thirty
strong. The skipper gladly agreed, and a dispensa
tion being received from the Grand Lodge of
Australasia (I believe), the ' Bulwark of England '
Lodge was duly constituted. We purchased a
second-hand set of regalia, one of the A.B.s
became W.C.T., the skipper was chaplain, the
mate treasurer, myself secretary, and so on.
Besides being great fun, the serious side worked
exceedingly well, and there was no loss of disci
plinary force at all. And in addition to the Lodge

A LONG-FELT WANT SUPPLIED 207
meetings in the saloon, we had most pleasant
services conducted by the good old man. Is it
any wonder therefore that she was a happy ship ?
Unhappily these pleasant, almost ideal, con
ditions soon came to a close. In the nature of
things our trip to Adelaide could not last very
long, and a few days after our arrival there the
news reached us that as soon as the cargo was
discharged the ship was to pay off and be put up
for sale. In the meantime the good folk of Port
Adelaide were mightily interested in this unique
Lodge of ours, and the local Lodges vied with each
other to try and make our visit pleasant. Thus
we made troops of friends, and when the time
came to pay off and distribute the ship's company
to the four winds there was much genuine regret.
Our Lodge was formally dissolved, the regalia were
given away, and the members thereof departed
each unto his own place, with three exceptions, the
captain, the steward, and myself, who still lived on
board the old ship to take care of her until a pur
chaser should come along. It was a very pleasant
life indeed, but of course it could not last long in
the nature of things. I was the first of the trio to
leave. The master of a local barque came on board
ne day in a mighty hurry desiring to ship me as

208 WITH CHRIST AT SEA
mate of his vessel, which was ordered on a foreign
voyage, and was compelled to carry a man with at
least an English second mate's certificate. My old
skipper was kindness itself, as usual. He said he
was extremely loth to lose my company, but it was
a step up the ladder for me to go as mate, and I had
better take the offer. I did so, and in three hours
from the time that it was made I was standing on
her fo'csle, being towed down the river, bound to
New Caledonia.
And now it becomes my painful duty to close
this chapter, and with it the serial portion of this
story. In the further five chapters which I have
to write in order to complete my work, I have
a record of ups and downs to make of greater
variety than anything that has gone before —
variety both in worldly and spiritual matters. In
fact, this period of my life has been far more filled
with interesting incidents than any other, I think,
unless I except the whaling cruise. Whether I
shall be able to relate them interestingly is another
thing. I can only promise to those who have
read thus far and been interested that I will do
my best in order that they shall not be dis
appointed in the completed book.

CHAPTER XI
A DIP INTO TARTARUS
NOT until my new vessel was fairly out upon the
bosom of St. Vincent Gulf did I have time to
meditate upon this sudden change in my condition,
for I was kept pretty busy preparing the ship for
the voyage, setting sail, &c. When breathing
time came, I saw that, elated as I had been at the
sudden elevation in my position, there were all
the elements of trouble in it. The master was a
young, nervous man, somewhat disposed to stand
upon what little dignity he could muster, but him
self placed rather awkwardly for so doing. ¦ His
father, who was an old sea captain but had long
ago retired from active service, was also owner of
the vessel and had taken it into his head to come
this trip with us. The son, having been newly
married, had brought his wife with him, and the
three of them used up all the accommodation that
the small lower cabin held. Therefore I was
p

210 WITH CHRIST AT SEA
obliged to share the second mate's berth, a little
dog-hole of a place, not really large enough for
one, not one quarter as large as my comfortable
room on board my last ship. And as I had
learned to value very highly the privilege of
privacy, I felt somewhat sick at so suddenly losing
it again. Moreover, the owner treated his son
very much like a big boy, which the latter felt
keenly but dared not resent. So he looked,
naturally enough, as if he would like to pass on
his father's treatment of him to someone beneath
him. And I saw at once that the someone must
needs be me unless I were able to hold my own,
for the second mate was an elderly Swede, who
had been in the ship for years and combined in
himself the various offices of bosun, sailmaker,
and watchkeeper ; in fact he could and would do
anything that was required — a wonderfully valu
able man to have on board such a vessel, and one
who knew his worth, nor was likely to let himself
be imposed upon. All the crew were seasoned
colonial coasting sailors, who would not put up
with any ' nonsense,' as they called it, from any
body ; so they must be left alone.
Now I was not really needed on board at all,

A DIP INTO TARTARUS 211
having only been engaged for legal purposes,
and the knowledge that 7I. per month was being
expended for no adequate return, as they thought,
was not comforting. But there I was, and there
I had to remain, making the best of my fifth-
wheel-of-a-coach feeling that I could. For the
first few days, the skipper's young wife being very
sick, much of his time was taken up with her, and
I was left to keep my regular watch unmolested,
Tor the old gentleman treated me with a peculiarly
distant courtesy that, while it was puzzling, was
not . altogether unpleasant. When, however, the
lady began to get about, the old gentleman con
tinually worried his son, who in turn worried me,
interfering in my work of looking after the ship,
making and trimming sail, &c, and only let me
have peace in the matter of my navigation.
Here also of Christianity there did not appear
to be a trace. They were all decent folk enough
and well behaved, as sailors usually are when
the skipper carries his wife ; but that was all. More
than that, they were like a family party with an
unwelcome stranger in the house, which, after the
homeliness of my last ship, was hard for me, the said
stranger, to bear. So that, before a week had
r 2

212 WITH CHRIST AT SEA
elapsed, I was most weary of my lot, and would
gladly have exchanged places with one of the
chaps forrard. It was just as much as I could do
to keep myself from being imposed upon and
treated boy-fashion, but I did manage it somehow.
We had a very fine passage north to Noumea,
making a splendid landfall about midday and re
ceiving a French pilot on board, outside the great
fringing coral reef that guards the island. But we
found, after we had entered between the two pier
like masses of foam which marked the gap between
the reefs, that we must tack up into the harbour.
There was scant room, so our tacks were short ; but
as the little barque was easily handled, that did
not matter. At the fourth tack, I being on the
fo'csle in my place, the skipper, pilot, and second
mate all aft, conning the ship as I thought, I saw
she was heading direct for a bluff headland, from
the base of which a long reef-spur ran straight out
to meet us — the water being so smooth there were
no breakers to mark it, but the discoloration of
the otherwise bright blue water was quite sufficient
to show its position. Right on she was held towards
it, while I kept casting anxious glances aft to see
if the pilot was awake. The three of them aft

A DIP INTO TARTARUS 213
seemed to be on the alert, but at last, when less
than her own length separated her from the reef,
I could stand it no longer, and, with a frantic wave
of my arms, yelled ' Hard up ! ' The skipper sprang
to the assistance of the helmsman, and between
them they hove the wheel hard over, feeling as
they did so the long terrible grinding of the coral
barrier along her side. Fifteen seconds more and
she must have been totally lost, for she would
have run butt into the reef at the rate of six or
seven knots an hour, while the. pilot stood like an
image of stone. It was the only time I ever saw
a pilot interfered with in my life, but, my word, it
was needed then.
With a feeling of deep content at my heart, I
did the necessary work of trimming sail as the
vessel sped into the harbour. The skipper came
forward, with white drawn face, to ask my version
of the incident. And all I could tell him was
that it appeared to me as if the pilot had been
seized with a momentary suspension of the mental
faculties, such as does undoubtedly seize upon
men of middle age sometimes at the most critical
junctures, often occasioning irreparable loss and
suffering. However, we consoled ourselves with

214 WITH CHRIST AT SEA
the thought that most probably the ship had only
suffered the loss of a few sheets of copper from her
bilge. Thenceforward we devoted our attention
to getting her safely anchored, running well in,
past a whole fleet of French warships, into a most
secure haven.
Now, since there was nothing more to be done
but discharge the cargo, and that work was, by the
owner's orders, carried out by the skipper, my
position soon became unbearable. I had nothing
to do except potter about by myself. The bosun and
the men were engaged on the cargo, and I, like a
supernumerary for whom there was really no place
in the ship, tried most unsuccessfully to reconcile
myself to this miserable state of affairs. Except
for this, I had nothing to complain of, for my
treatment was punctiliously polite. Nevertheless,
the unspoken wish!" that I would take myself off
was manifest in every look the other officers gave
me. So in a few days I made up my mind that if
there was the remotest chance of getting away
from this place I would ask for my discharge.
An opportunity soon presented itself. Christ
mas Day arrived, and in the afternoon I obtained
permission to go ashore for a ramble. On my

A DIP INTO TARTARUS 215
way thither in the boat, I passed a couple of
lovely little white schooners of the fascinating
model turned out by the Auckland shipbuilders.
So beautiful were they that I could have fancied
them gentlemen's yachts, had their deck fittings
corresponded with their graceful outlines. I noticed
also that they both hailed from Noumea. But
presently so many strange matters claimed my
attention ashore that I forgot all about these
pretty schooners for the time.
Noumea lay simmering in the fierce tropical
heat, a town where all people slept. Along the
deserted thoroughfares I plodded wearily, out into
the country, seeking shade and finding only stuffi
ness. By and by I got back again to the sea
shore and trudged along the sand with burning
feet and aching head, until I found a great rock,
beneath whose shadow I lay down and was soon
fast asleep. When I woke the sun was setting and
there was a delightful feeling of freshness in the
air. Reinvigorated, I strolled back into the town,
to find that the population was moving again. As
I walked through one of the principal streets I
was accosted by a huge negro, who leaned against
the verandah posts of a pretentious building

216 WITH CHRIST ATfSEA
across the front of which were painted the words
' George Washington Hotel.' In unmistakable
American accents he invited me to come in and
rest, telling me that he had ' spotted ' me from afar
for an Anglo-Saxon, and saying that he ' guessed
he ran this hotel for the benefit of such members of
that distinguished race as were unfortunate enough
to find themselves stranded in this God-forsaken
hole.' Not without some considerable mental
qualms did I accept his invitation. But I realised
that I must either do that or go on board, as I
was hungry, thirsty and weary. So I turned in
thither and purchased some iced beverage, exceed
ingly refreshing. Mine host informed me that
there would be a Christmas dinner on presently, to
which I was heartily welcome, and there would be
several of my countrymen to keep me company.
This was sufficient inducement to me to stay ;
indeed, I was glad of such an opportunity, in spite
of the trouble I had with my conscience about it.
For I had never been inside the doors of a grog
shop (which, in spite of its magnificent title, was
the true character of this place) since my conver
sion. However, I argued myself into it, stifling all
objections that were raised within, and having once

A DIP INTO TARTARUS 217
done so, the rest was easy. The company began
to arrive, eight stalwart bearded white men, of
British and Yankee origin. They were extremely
cordial, pressing all manner of fluid hospitality
upon me, and mightily disappointed when I
refused. They persevered in their attentions,
until, after a little more struggle with that sleepless
voice within, I consented to take some wine. After
that, of course, I could not go, but sat on and
listened to some of the most lurid tales of South
Sea abominations ever imagined. I wish I could
describe the state of my mind. As the stream of
awful talk flowed on, I felt I would give anything
to be elsewhere ; yet something held me fast — I
lacked the courage to flee. I am afraid I lacked
also the full desire. And in order to drown the
constantly warning voice I took more and more
of the wine until I was sufficiently excited to
disregard its worrying.
Thus it came about that one of my new-found
acquaintances, having ascertained who and what I
was, informed me that he was skipper of one of
the smart schooners which I had seen at anchor in
the harbour, and pointed out a huge Scotchman,
sitting opposite, as his mate. He then told me

218 WITH CHRIST AT SEA
that he wanted a sailing master, his last one
having recently died, and he himself knowing
no navigation. He was going to run down to
the New Hebrides, on a peaceful trading trip,
exchanging the usual assortment of valueless
trumpery for sandalwood, copra, and pearl-shell,
transactions whereby the original outlay would
return something like 1,000 per cent, If I would
engage to go with him he would pay me 15/.
per month, and I should lead a gentleman's
life. Here was, I dared not say a heaven-sent way
out of my troubles, but at all events a lucrative
way, and so I gladly accepted. Not, however,
without feeling that the step I was taking would
be an unblessed one, for, contrary to my usual
custom, I did not ask God to prosper me in it. I
felt that the attendant circumstances were too
doubtful. I returned on board and went to my bunk, still
prayerless and bearing a sense of wrong-doing ;
but with a feeling that if I was really as wrong as
I felt myself to be, I should surely have to bear the
result, and a sort of satisfaction at my willingness
to pay the penalty demanded. It is a curious
frame of mind this, and I have often wondered

A DIP INTO TARTARUS 219
whether many Christians experience it. To those
who have never felt that the central fact of their
lives is their realised position as sons and daughters
of the Lord God Almighty, these harassing mental
difficulties will appear inexplicable, I know ; but
to anyone who occupies that position they will be
as clear as possible, even if they themselves have
never stood on quite the same ground. But I
humbly conceive that it is the duty of a faithful
chronicler to omit nothing essential from his
narrative, either from a dread of being misunder
stood or not believed, and therefore I must needs
set down here, as far as in me lies the ability so to
do, what- was my mental condition at that time.
When the owner heard my request for my
discharge he could scarcely conceal his satisfaction ;
although, as he had no fault to find, he could
not help uttering a few conventional expressions
of regret, of which both he and I knew the exact
value. So I departed for the shore with my
belongings. On the way up to the hotel with them
I saw a most sorrowful sight — a string of men
and women, the former totally naked, save for a
string round the waist serving a peculiar purpose,
and another string round the neck bearing a tin

220 WITH CHRIST AT SEA
ticket, whereon was stamped a number. The
women had each a single cotton garment, like a
lengthy petticoat, the band buttoned round the
neck, which also bore a ticket. Leaving my clothes
at the hotel, I hastened to follow this forlorn crowd
to their destination — a market place — where, with
due legal form, they were apprenticed for three
years, at an average salary of $1. a year and certain
rations of food. To me the whole thing was
utterly undistinguishable from slavery, since it was
evident that these poor bewildered grown-up
children had but the haziest notion of what was
happening to them, where they were going, for
how long, or at what remuneration. And the
pitiful dumb appeal on their faces was hard to bear
the sight of. Indeed, I could not bear it, and
hurried away, full of inarticulate rage at someone,
I knew not whom.
Little time was wasted by my new employer.
Two days afterward I had embarked and taken up
my quarters in the little cabin, duly installed as
sailing master, and looked upon with good-natured
contempt by the gigantic mate. The crew were a
jolly set of Rarotongan Kanakas, full of fun as
kittens, and as smart at their work as heart could

A DIP INTO TARTARUS 221
wish. The manner in which they handled the
schooner getting under way extorted my utmost
admiration, and I had ample leisure to observe
them, since I was treated just like a favoured pas
senger. It gave me a queer feeling, though, to see
the French flag floating overhead.
Our run down to Mallicolo was swift and
uneventful, the weather being all that could be
desired, and but for one thing I should have
enjoyed it very much. That one drawback was
the behaviour of my two white shipmates ; they
drank incessantly of ' square ' gin, and their sole
conversation was a string of blood-curdling blasphe
mies. Because I could not join them and scarcely
opened my mouth they were offended, but presently
agreed that I was a poor kind of idiot whom it
was perhaps best to let go my own way, so long
as I did the work for which they carried me. So
I gradually shrank closer and closer into myself,
full of self-reproaches for having come, and trying
to regain the peace of mind I had lost by acknow
ledging that I was only receiving my just deserts.
But when we reached our first calling-place I saw
with suddenly wide-opened eyes what I really had
done for myself. I was in a ' blackbirder ' — an

222 WITH CHRIST AT SEA
officer of one of those hateful vessels that I had
heard described with such wealth of lurid detail
when I was a lad on the Australian coast ; and I
remembered the hanging of some of the fiends at
Darlinghurst Gaol for that they were caught red-
handed stealing men.
Then I resolved that, come what might, I
would have no hand in the business, for it would
be a comparatively easy matter to let oneself be
shot, if need be, rather than be an accessory to
such a crime against fellow-men as that ; for the
ostensible legality of the whole black business did
not deceive me at all. And after the first trans
action, when I saw how the childlike ignorance of
those poor savages was traded upon, how the
scoundrelly interpreter prophesied smooth things
to them, painted glowing pictures for them of the
golden career which was opening up for them, I
was absolutely certain that my first impressions
were correct. Of the conditions of life on board,
the debauchery, open and unashamed, the bestial
degradation, I dare not speak more fully. The
plain language in which alone those doings could
be characterised would not only shock but disgust
my readers ; and in any case a recital of them, if

A DIP INTO TARTARUS 223
permissible, could do little or no good. Therefore
I pass swiftly over the six weeks or so spent among
the islands — over forty days of horrible nightmare,
during which time I was never once able to get
away from those sights and sounds for a single
day — with a feeling of relief.
Nothing, I think, ever gave me such exquisite
pleasure as did the sight of New Caledonia again,
for it meant to me the closing of a chapter of
horrors in my life that ever since has seemed to
belong to some temporary absence in the infernal
regions. In that small vessel we brought 204
Kanakas, of both sexes, to Noumea, half of whom
were, I do not hesitate to say, as much kidnapped
as any Central African natives have ever been by
Arabs. Six of them died on the short passage
from Tanna to Noumea, and were dropped over
board, amid the piercing wails of their companions ;
but I thought grimly that they were the fortunate
ones, not those left behind. Yet even now I have
to admit that those two traders were not as bad as
they might have been. They kept faith with me ;
they did not try to coerce me into aiding them
in their infernal traffic; they did, in short, all
they could for me, they left me alone. And I

224 WITH CHRIST AT SEA
hope that for this mercy I was sufficiently
grateful. Perhaps I need not say that I was intensely
thankful to find a vessel in Noumea needing a
chief mate, a colonial barque, bound to Pam, in
the north of the island, to load copper ore for
Newcastle, N.S.W. To get on board of her out
of that hateful place, and know that I should soon
be far away from it and its vilenesses, was inex
pressibly gratifying. So when we weighed and
began to work round the great island, inside of
the barrier reef, through the smooth blue waters
of the lagoon, I was so happy that I almost felt
as if the price I had paid was not too much. I
did not think of the soul-scars I bore, neither did
I anticipate the penalty presently to be paid. But
it was due, and on the sixth day after leaving
Noumea, when we were within about twenty miles
of our destination, I took the wheel from the
helmsman, telling him to go and get his breakfast.
I had only a few minutes before lost my broad-
leafed hat, and was wearing a close cloth cap.
The sun was blazing down upon me, but I never
had heeded that much, so I took no notice. And
then suddenly, like a blow from a sledge-hammer,

A DIP INTO TARTARUS 225
something smote me on the head, and I remembered
no more. When I returned to consciousness, about six
hours after, all my strength had gone. Not only
so, but it seemed as if my throat had closed up,
for when someone placed a pannikin of water to
my parched lips I could not swallow. Desire for
food was gone, but a consuming thirst remained,
which I was unable to satisfy. There I lay, a
useless log, but with my mind quite clear and
busy with many speculations. Everything going on
around me I took note of, and presently heard that
the skipper was also ill and as unable to move as I
was. But the vessel was taken safely into harbour
and anchored, the sole merchant ship there, all the
others, some five or six, being French war vessels.
The events of the following days during our
stay are all like parts of some fevered dream. So
weak that I was unable to lift a hand to my head,
I was a prey to the ravages of myriads of the most
savage mosquitoes I ever felt, until I used to be
come delirious, so my shipmates told me. With
returning consciousness came such misery that I
prayed earnestly for death or relief. And my poor
commander was also in evil case. He had just this
Q

226 WITH CHRIST AT SEA
advantage over me, that he was delirious the whole
time, and so was happily unconscious of how much
he was suffering. The only relief we got from the
dreadful insects, mosquitoes, sandflies, and other
flies, all bloodthirsty, was to have a fire made in
the cabin, whereon cakes of cattle-dung were laid,
filling the whole place with a thick yellow smoke,
which was more than the vermin could endure.
Then, when not one cranny remained free from
this pungent acrid vapour, the door and skylights
were closed, and we slept, the temperature being
about 1050. We had no proper food and no
medicine. A doctor from the French war vessel
' Lamothe-Picquet ' did visit us and give us one
dose each, but as it nearly drove what little
vitality we had left out of us, we dispensed with
his services in future.
Meanwhile the crew, under the second mate,
toiled like beavers to get the cargo in so that we
might flee. No attempt was made to stow the
bags of copper ore ; they were just dumped down
the hatchways in three heaps, and as soon as ever
she was considered to be deep enough, the anchor
was weighed and she was hauled outside the harbour,
where a fresh breeze was blowing pretty continu-

A DIP INTO TARTARUS 227
ously. There we waited until the French mail
steamer (coaster) came along, and from her we
obtained the services of an officer to navigate the
vessel across to Newcastle, N.S.W. We sailed imme
diately, and for two days made fair progress, with
a pleasant, steady breeze and fine weather. Then
the sky began to look menacing, the wind rose to
a' gale, and the ill-used ship, her dreadful burden
tearing at her bowels, complained in every fibre.
Worse and worse grew the weather, higher and
higher rose the sea, while I lay helplessly in my
dark bunk, listening to the wild uproar above. I
heard the masts roll over the side, heard the full
sullen roar of the water in the hold and the
ceaseless ' clankity-clang-bang ' of the old-fashioned
pumps. No one came near me — they were all
labouring at utmost strain to try and save the ship.
But in face of what I felt to be certain death, I
was quite at peace. My vitality was at so low an
ebb that life had ceased to seem desirable ; all
that I craved for was one cool hand to be laid
upon my burning aching head. By and by the
steward (who was also cook) remembered me and
brought me a little food, such as I was by this
time able to swallow. I thanked him feebly, and
Q2

228 WITH CHRIST AT SEA
in return he overwhelmed me with foul abuse. He
accused me of malingering, of lying there sham
ming, while better men were being worked to
death. If he were the second mate, he said, he
would drag me on deck by the throat, and I
should work or die.
Even this did not excite any feeling of resent
ment at the time, for the same reason, I suppose
that the imminent proximity of death gave me no
uneasiness — I was past feeling in that direction.
And in this wretched state I remained for four
days, during which the only kind offices that were
rendered me came from the overworked second
mate — a splendid man, if ever there was one. He
told me that the skipper had not recovered his
reason, but was, like myself, utterly helpless, and,
like me also, reduced to a mere skeleton. He told
me that he had jettisoned about 150 tons of the
ore, but that the water in the ship was washing
over the 'tween-deck beams, and the crew was
nearly done. Also that the French officer had
forgotten his navigation, if indeed he had ever
known any, and that consequently no one knew
where the ship was. If by any means I could
be got on deck and there ascertain the ship's

A DIP INTO TARTARUS 229
position, it would put heart into the men, for at
present the vessel, with only the three lower masts
standing and the stump of the foretopmast, was
drifting idly nowhither.
Immediately he said this I sent up a swift
petition to the Father that I might be granted
sufficient strength and returning memory to do
this thing for the sake of my shipmates. And at
once I felt sure that I should be able. John
dragged me on deck, lashed me in a sitting posture
by the taffrail, got my sextant and put it in my
trembling hands, and then went below, leaving
the skylight wide open, to take the time by the
chronometer when I should sing out. The French
man stood near, with a sarcastic smile upon his
swarthy face. For some time I could not hold
the instrument steady enough to catch the sun's
image at all, but gradually my shattered nerves
quieted a little (I was praying fervently all the
while) until I managed to get a good altitude.
I called out ' Stop ! ' but, alas, my voice was like
the mew of a just born kitten, and the sight
was lost. Then I looked appealingly at the
Frenchman, who came up and succeeded in
understanding what I wanted. Next shot, he

230 WITH CHRIST AT SEA
passed the word along, and the altitude and time
were obtained.
John got me down below again, and secured
me to the cabin table, with my book and paper.
Then for nearly two hours I wrestled with the
problem of finding the longitude, which under
normal conditions would have taken me about
ten minutes. By the time it was finished it was
nearly noon, and in the same laborious bungling
way I got the meridian altitude, and thence the
latitude. Thoroughly done, but with a feeling of
intense gratitude and triumph, I made the course
and distance to Cape Moreton Light eighty miles
W.S.W. ; and as the wind was fresh from the east
ward, it looked hopeful for us reaching there the
next morning. I had only just time to give John
the course, when I fell back unconscious.

CHAPTER XII
MOUNTAIN AND VALLEY
WHEN I recovered consciousness it was dark and
the vessel was rolling steadily, her motion inform
ing me that she was running dead before the wind.
I was lying in my bunk, and soon the second mate
came down telling me that the wind was holding,
and that if my observations were correct we should
sight Cape Moreton Light before midnight. Mur
muring a dreamy ' Thank God ! ' I laid myself back
again, with a grateful feeling that I was able to
raise myself that much without assistance. And
between sleeping and waking the rest of the dark
hours sped away, until clear above the clang of the
pumps and the sullen roar of the flood in the hold
a voice reached my ear : ' Light right ahead ! ' Now
I cannot explain how it was, but I felt no intense
joy at this, a message of life to all hands. Only a
calm sense of satisfaction, as of some blessing
coming that had been confidently counted upon,

232 WITH CHRIST AT SEA
about the arrival of which there had never been
any doubt whatever.
When morning broke we were only about six
miles seaward of Cape Moreton, but the wind had
changed and we could make no further advance
towards it. The men were almost at their last
ounce, of strength, and the water in the hold was
gaining ominously. Were we, after all, to sink in
sight of port ? The second mate dragged me on
deck again and secured me in a prominent posi
tion where I could see the land. For nearly an
hour I sat there, dimly picturing the last scene,
when the worn-out vessel and her bravely enduring
crew should be swallowed up by the envious sea.
Then behind the Cape there rose a long smear
of smoke against the bright blue sky, and pre
sently there came rushing seaward one of the
fine steamers of the A.S.N. Company. Seeing
our inverted ensign, conveying its message of
utmost need, she altered her course and came
proudly down to us, a veritable sea-angel of
deliverance. Halting close alongside, she lowered
a boat, and the chief officer came oh board. He
was horrified to see our desperate condition,
especially when he was told that we might sink at
any moment. A hawser was soon passed on board

MOUNTAIN AND VALLEY 233
of her, and in half an hour from the time we first
saw her we were being rapidly towed into safety.
Being in haste to reach her destination with the
mails, she relinquished us to the first tug that came
up, and, with the fervent good wishes of all on
board, she turned and sped away northward.
A few hours afterward I was being examined
by a sympathetic doctor, who ordered my imme
diate removal to the hospital for nursing back to
strength. The skipper, strangely enough, had
recovered his sane consciousness as we towed up
the river, but he refused to go into hospital, pre
ferring to get strong again in private lodgings. I
bade him good-bye with sincere regret, for we had
been companions in suffering, if we had had but
little opportunity for knowing each other's quali
ties. With faithful, sturdy John, the second mate,
I parted most reluctantly, nor did I ever hear of
him, much less see him, again. But he lingers in
my memory still, as fresh and vivid as ever, a
simple heroic soul who, without making any
profession of serving God, did Him the service He
most desires, the service of duty faithfully, un
ostentatiously done, of doing that which his hand
found to do, with all his might, good measure
pressed down and running over. He was a much-

234 WITH CHRIST AT SEA
despised (in British Mercantile Marine circles)
' square head,' a Russian Finn, of Helsingfors, but
in all my wanderings I never met a man whom I
would rather have at my back in time of utmost
need than John Olsen.
Very tenderly the resident surgeon in Brisbane
Hospital nursed me back to strength again. And
I am afraid I repaid him most ungratefully by
taking the first opportunity afforded me in per
mission to go for a walk, in getting paid off from
the ship and booking my passage back to Ade
laide. When I told him what I had done he was
very angry with me, averring that I was quite unfit
to go, and, moreover, that I was most foolish to
relinquish my lien on the ship. However, my long
detention irked me greatly, and besides I had
received a letter from home that made me ache
to return. I was still a mere walking skeleton,
weighing only some seven stone instead of my
then normal weight of eleven, but I was eating
voraciously and gaining strength rapidly.
So I went my way on the long passage down
south, enjoying the novel sensation of being the
guest of the officers and lording it leisurely on
board ship to the full. When I arrived in Ade
laide I was very nearly fit for sea again, but a

MOUNTAIN AND VALLEY 235
kind friend there insisted upon making me
welcome to his home, where his mother cared for
me most thoughtfully. But I had only been there
one day when Captain Seator found me out and
came to see me, full of indignation that I had not
given him what he was pleased to call the privilege
of entertaining me. I had quite a job to explain
to him that I could have no idea that he would
still be there, but eventually succeeded, and he
then devoted all his energies to serving me in
another way. He must have taken an immense
deal of trouble on my behalf, until one day he
came in, beaming, to tell me that he had got me a
berth as second mate of the finest ship in the
harbour, the ' Harbinger,' belonging then to Messrs.
Anderson, Anderson & Co. Oh, how pleased he
was ! And when he came down to see me off, I
am sure no father could have bade his son a more
affectionate farewell.
My new ship was by far the most splendid
sailing vessel that I had ever seen. And, with
the sole exception of her sister, the ' Hesperus,'
which was somewhat larger, she remained so, being
indeed in every particular all that a seaman could
desire for comfort, for beauty, and for speed ; while
her size — about 2,500 tons burden — was satisfac-

236 WITH CHRIST AT SEA
tory to me, ever fond of a ' great ' ship. She was
fitted luxuriously for the carriage of passengers,
both first and second class, of whom we had, for
that passage, about sixty all told. At first I was
quite perceptibly overawed by her splendour, but
I soon got over that, the captain being an ex-naval
officer, who, while he was a strict disciplinarian,
was also a most just and kindly man. Moreover,
I was delighted with my neat little cabin, where I
had the most complete privacy for the first time
since leaving Captain Seator. This really struck
me as the greatest blessing of all.
I soon fell into the ways of my new ship,
which were more orderly and regular than those
of any vessel I have ever served in. And I made
up my mind that I was going to be very happy,
that this was to be the beginning of a new era of
prosperity for me ; and I thought with calm de
light of her who was so patiently waiting at home
for me, how this sudden stroke of fortune would
enable us to marry and have a home of our own.
But presently I found that, although there were so
many persons on board, I was without society of
any kind. I was prohibited from entertaining
passengers in my berth ; I might not go forrard
into the second cabin ; the chief officer was a satur-

MOUNTAIN AND VALLEY 237
nine elderly man, who associated with nobody,
and there was no other member of the crew with
whom I might foregather. So I led the life of a
hermit, my sole companion a tiny black kitten.
It took me some little time to reconcile myself to
this new mode of life after my long spell of
•bustling society, but once the first strangeness of
it had worn away, I was not unhappy.
Speaking with all necessary reserve, I should
say that there was no attempt made, even in this
fine ship, to recognise the existence of God by
holding Divine service. It may seem strange
that I should have any doubt about it, but the
matter is easily explainable. By a special arrange
ment, I was made to keep the ' eight hours out '
every night — that is to say, my only night-sleep
was from midnight till 4 A.M. ; consequently I
always slept in the forenoon from about 9.30
till 11.45, which would be the time when service
would be held, if at all. But I am inclined to
think that if there had been any, I should have
known of it. In any case, I am sure that no
religious service ever included the crew. As far
as I was concerned, my religious life was fostered
by the quiet contemplative existence I led. In
the long night watches of the tropics I enjoyed to

238 WITH CHRIST AT SEA
the full that pleasant communion with the eterni
ties that lies within reach of every sailor, and I
was not harassed by constant friction with men
totally undisciplined, as is the case in most of our
merchant ships. So that, all things being con
sidered, it was a very comfortable, profitable time.
We made a long passage, calling at Cape
Town to land some passengers and cargo. I
should have noted here that several of our passen
gers were consumptives who had been ordered a
sea voyage, but strangely enough none of them
did well. Perhaps the intended remedy had been
delayed too long. At any rate, three of the
patients left us at Cape Town very ill, and when
we arrived at home we heard that all were fully
recovered. One young fellow, of gigantic frame,
having been very poorly all the passage from
Adelaide to the Cape, brightened up so much
upon arrival in port that I was quite deceived into
imagining that he had taken a sudden turn for
the better. But, seeing him painfully climbing
the cabin stairs to come on deck the morning
after our departure from Table Bay, I asked him
how he did, there seemed such an unearthly
change again. He replied in short thick gasps
that he was 'so much better, the improvement

MOUNTAIN AND VALLEY 239
was wonderful.' That evening at eight he died,
and his burial next day was a most solemn and
affecting ceremony, at which all hands were present,
and several of the passengers were moved to tears.
But I cannot, say whether it had any lasting effect
upon anyone's heart, because I do not know.
Then came, for me, one of the most unhappy
experiences I have ever met with. We had a
quartermaster, an Orkney-man, whose name I
have forgotten, but whose features, almost as dark
as those of a Hindoo, are branded upon my
memory. He was spare in body and languid
in his movements, as well as exceedingly silent.
And when he was steering he would often
loll upon the rim of the wheel in extremely un-
seamanlike fashion, for which it was my duty to
chide him whenever I saw him doing it. But he
never complained or tried to excuse himself in
any way, nor did it ever occur to me that there was
anything the matter with him. He kept his watch
and took his regular trick at the wheel right along,
until we arrived in St. Helena and anchored,
when he took to his bed. Being very busy,
seizing the opportunity to get the ship painted
outside, I did not miss him, knew nothing of his
being laid up, until, at six that evening, the doctor,

240 WITH CHRIST AT SEA
in passing, said ' That quartermaster of yours is
going home fast' I was simply horrified, in
credulous. But I hastened forrard at once and,
apologising for the intrusion, entered the fo'csle,
one of those shameful places for the housing of
men that are still to be found in many ships,
beneath the topgallant fo'csle, and groped my
way forward into the eyes of her, where I found
him. It was so dark that I could not see his face
for some time, the air of the den being unbearably
foul in spite of the fact of the hawse-pipes being
open ; the din of half-drunken men gambling for
tobacco and shouting at each other long strings of
blasphemous exclamations was deafening, and, in
the midst of it all, this man was dying. I spoke
in his ear, uttering the . Name of comfort very
clearly^ but he made no sign. I prayed as earn
estly as I have ever prayed, before or since, that
he might be comforted in his passing, and while
I did so, amidst that inferno, he died. Then,
turning round to the noisy crowd, I said, ' Boys,
your shipmate is dead.' For perhaps a minute
there was a silence profound, then a voice some
where in the gloom cackled ' Ee's a damn sight
better off'n I am.' At which there was a round of
unmirthful laughter.

MOUNTAIN AND VALLEY 241
The poor body was carried out and laid aside
until an undertaker from Jamestown could be pro
cured, since we might not legally dispose of it at
sea. The next day the coffin and undertaker
arrived, and the corpse was laid in its last recep
tacle. Pausing for a moment before fitting on the
cover, the undertaker asked if anyone would like
to take a last look. I, alone of the ship's com
pany, accepted the invitation, and never while I
live shall I forget the expression of perfect peace
on those worn features. Since then I have only
twice looked upon the face of the dead, once upon
the face of my own dear little son, but even his
calm features did not wear such a look of absolute
content as did those of that long-suffering quarter
master. Being in charge of the ship during the absence of
the captain and mate, I could not attend the funeral;
but I thought little of that, being even then ex
ceedingly averse to the notion of confounding the
cast-off house of the departed one witn that which
had inhabited it, and regarding the dead body as
nothing more or less than any other piece of inani
mate matter. When the funeral party returned
on board we weighed and put to sea, and from
thence homeward had a most pleasant, though slow,
r'

242 WITH CHRIST AT SEA
passage, the whole period from Adelaide being
1 30 days.
When we were entering the dock the ship's
husband came on board and formally compli
mented the mate and myself upon the smart
appearance of the ship. This emboldened me to
ask him whether I might hope to be retained in
the Company's service, supposing that the captain
was willing. He shook his head, saying ' You see,
we have so many of our own young officers to
provide for that we are unable to employ outsiders
except in such a case as your own, where a pro
motion abroad makes a vacancy. Have you a
first mate's certificate ? ' I admitted that I had
not but felt sure of getting one upon going up for
examination, as I proposed doing. ' Well,' he
replied, ' in any case, we couldn't take you as second
mate, in a ship like this, without a first mate's
certificate. If you pass, you can come and see if
there's any chance.' I felt that it was hopeless,
but I vowed that I would do so.
With the rest of the crew I was discharged,
receiving from the captain an excellent testi
monial, and then did what most people would call
a mad thing : I got married. ' What ! ' you will
say, 'with no prospects, at such an age, and

MOUNTAIN AND VALLEY 243
only the few pounds earned within the last four
months at your disposal ? ' Yes ; and while ad
mitting fully the unwisdom of the act, from a
worldly point of view, I plead my heart-hunger for
a home, for some central point to which I might
look forward in all my journeying, an anchorage
whereto I might return and be heartily welcome
for myself alone. I cannot say what I would like
upon this topic, but I do ask you, my reader, to
try and imagine how you would feel if you had
never known the delights of a home, at the pro
spect of obtaining one of your own, however humble.
But why should I make excuses for this rash act ?
Much suffering ensued, it is true ; but, looking back
over the weary years that have elapsed since that
Monday morning when we two friendless young
sters bound ourselves to each other in Marylebone
Church, I say boldly that if it were again to do, I
would do it and rejoice. Yes, I am impenitent,
and she, who has suffered with me, is likewise un
repentant. Is it necessary to say that we were
very happy ? We had one small room, in which
the furniture was not our own, and for which we
paid the magnificent sum of five shillings per week.
And we refused to look ahead. We knew that we
could get no comfort by doing that, so we made
r2

244 WITH CHRIST AT SEA
the present provide us with all the satisfaction we
craved. Such a little of the joy of human life we
had, but how we did appreciate it ! Then came
the sorrow. I passed for chief mate as easily as I
had done for second, and immediately went down
to my old ship, only to find a second mate already
on duty, a mere lad, just out of his time. And I
turned away, sick at heart ; for I knew that now
it was the longest of odds against me getting a
berth as officer, especially as my little store of
sovereigns had dwindled to only two or three.
And, strange to say, that fatal diffidence of
mine was now worse than ever. I fought a
terrible battle with myself every time I went on
board a ship to ask for a berth. When I was
answered with what seemed to be the universal
' No,' I shrank away like a whipped dog. To
me, as to few men, I believe, those wonderful
words of Longfellow appeal :
Who amid their wants and woes
Hear the sound of doors that close,
And of feet that pass them by ;
Grown familiar with disfavour,
Grown familiar with the savour
Of the bread by which men die ! '
Oh, those weary dock tramps ! day after day
1 Legend Beautiful.

MOUNTAIN AND VALLEY 245
returning with that sickening certainty that soon
I must go, in whatever capacity. And the heavens
above me seemed as brass : I got no reassurance of
comfort there. I felt rebellious, I do not deny it.
Again and again I asked myself, ' What have I
done to deserve this at the hands of the Lord ? Is
this the price that he demands for my few days of
happiness ? ' At last, when not one penny re
mained, I shipped as A.B. in a big Liverpool ship
bound to Calcutta, and when I returned home and
told my young wife what I had done, she sat
rigid and white as if turned into stone, until,
with a moan like a wounded animal, she sank
back upon the floor and Nature relieved her with
some kindly tears.
The bitterest pang that I now had to endure
was that, in addition to my absence, my wife
would have to bear the pinch of poverty. My
wages were now 3/. a month, so that my
wife's income was about Ss. per week. Of course,
she would have to work, and we could only hope
that work would always be obtainable. But she
bore up most bravely after the first shock had
passed, and saw me off dry-eyed ; while I, with a
hundred conflicting emotions tearing at my heart,
was so busy that I had barely time to wave a last

246 WITH CHRIST AT SEA
good-bye. Fortunately for me, there was no time
to dwell upon my sorrows. Out of a crew of
twenty A.B.s, only four were, fit for work, the rest
being all more or less drunk ; so, as always happens,
the few sober ones were almost worked to death
trying to make up for their shipmates' deficiencies ;
and, much to my disgust, we did not anchor at
Gravesend so as to get matters a little bit ship
shape before going to sea, but went straight on,
towing as far as Beachy Head before the tug left
us to our own devices.
By that time I had found out the kind of
crowd I was condemned to live with, for probably
four months. Out of nineteen, there were only
four who could be spoken to at all with any
prospect of a decent answer, and even those four
were overborne by the weight of their evil ship
mates. The skipper, however, was a most godly
man, full of sincere love for the Lord and his
fellow-men. Unhappily, he did not possess that
instinct of command also which would have
enabled him to make his ship as happy as the
'West York.' And whether it was that he was
getting too old for his post, or that his vitality was
too much enfeebled, I do not know, but with
much regret I have to say that he was lacking in

MOUNTAIN AND VALLEY 247
that most essential quality of a seaman, courage.
This, of course, could not be hidden from the crew
when the first gale was encountered, and thence
forward his authority over them was a thing of
naught. But I am getting along too fast.
We had very good weather down Channel, but
tediously unfavourable winds, which gave us
much work tacking ship. And during this irk
some time I found that an elderly seaman whom
I had been able to do a small favour to at the
shipping office, was long past his work. He was
very willing, but his physical powers were gone.
Only fifty-eight years of age too ; but people
ashore little dream how fearfully hard is the
wear of the ordinary merchant seaman's life.
Occasionally one does find a hale old skipper, but a
hale old seaman, hardly ever. The bad food, bad
air of the fo'csle, vicissitudes of climate and sud
den severe strain alternating with times of great
relaxation are all unfavourable to longevity or
sustained good health, even without the usual
recurrence of debauch on being paid off. This
poor old chap was therefore on his last legs, and
in addition he had been sleeping about the streets,
turned out of the sailors' home as being unable to
pay, and not being a sufficiently promising subject

248 WITH CHRIST AT SEA
for the interested charity of the boarding master,
who will often shelter a ' cast-out ' from the home
for the sake of the advance note he will presently
receive. We were in the same watch, and, seeing
that his mind was favourably inclined toward me,
I took the opportunity of having a little friendly
chat with him upon eternal matters. Not entirely
unselfish, I am afraid, for it took my mind off my
own sorrow. But he would hear nothing about
Christ, the Friend — the mere mention of the blessed
Name made him furiously angry. Nor would he
vouchsafe me one single word of explanation of
this strange mental attitude. Therefore I was
compelled to confine myself to conversation about
other matters, and to letting him tell me his
sorrowful story.
On Saturday afternoon the wind veered a little
in our favour and we made all sail, but- in less than
an hour afterwards the weather worsened so much
that all hands were called to shorten sail. And
just at the close of the work the old seaman
Wilson, although he had been forbidden by the
mate to go aloft, went needlessly up to do some
trivial task on the foremast. I shouted to him to
come down, that I would do the job ; but he either
could not hear or would not heed, and before I

MOUNTAIN AND VALLEY 249
had finished the task I was upon, he fell close by
my side, upon his head, on the deck. I stooped
to raise him, but he was quite dead. He was
carried aft and sewn up by the sailmaker, ready
for burial next morning.
That was an affecting scene, for the old cap
tain was deeply moved, and not only read the
Burial Service but pleaded most earnestly and
pathetically over the dead body with his men
that they would take this solemn warning. And
when afterwards- the bell sounded for church in
the saloon no one was absent that could possibly
come. Yet I date my being ' sent to Coventry ' by
my shipmates from that morning ; for when the
first hymn was given out I raised the tune, and
this simple act of mine seemed to set them all
against me, aided, as it doubtless was, by the old
gentleman's asking me if I would select the hymns
in future. When we got forrard again, there was
much scurrilous talk at my expense, and all the
good effect that appeared to have been produced
by the solemn scene of the morning had entirely
vanished. Thenceforward matters got worse and worse,
until I was driven to live as much as possible by
myself, only coming into the fo'csle when I was

250 WITH CHRIST AT SEA
obliged to. And the discipline of the ship became
very bad too, for none of the crew but the sail-
maker, who was a good Christian man, paid any
respect to the skipper, not even his officers. And
he, poor old gentleman, unintentionally made
matters harder for me by talking to me at the
wheel, a mark of favouritism noted at once and
savagely resented by my shipmates as a proof of
my being a spy. It seemed a strange position to
me that he aft and I forrard should both be so
completely shut off from the sympathies and affec
tions of our shipmates. Yet any breach in the
unwritten but inexorable rules of sea etiquette,
such as he did occasionally indulge in by talking
to me in a friendly manner, was sure to culminate
sooner or later in big trouble for both of us.
Already the three officers were ' down ' on me, not
because of my work — for that, thank God, they
could find no fault with — but for the skipper's sake.
The whole thing culminated at last, one Satur
day afternoon, in the Indian Ocean. The weather
suddenly became very threatening, and as we had
our fair-weather suit of sails bent, the skipper
judged it prudent to shift the topsails and foresail
for the best ones we carried. He therefore gave
orders for all hands to turn out at I P.M. for the

MOUNTAIN AND VALLEY 251
purpose, which meant that the watch to which I
belonged would not get their usual afternoon
below. Now in many ships, especially American
ships, the crew are never allowed to feel that they
have any right to an afternoon watch below, but
the general practice is to give the men the time,
reserving the right to call on them in any case of
necessity. Our watch, however, flatly refused to
come on deck, with the sole exception of myself.
Then the skipper called them aft and reasoned
with them (how paltry and ridiculous this will
sound to sailors of the old school !), but for all
answer they gave him scurrilous abuse, while the
officers stood by and said nothing. There was a
great deal of talk, but in the end they went forrard
again, leaving me to go on with the watch on
deck. I do not wish to do more than hint at the
nature of the remarks made to me by my watch
mates, except to say that they comprised pro
mises of hideous bodily injury worthy of the
invention of Iroquois Indians, and that, in the
result, without my saying one word or taking a
single precaution, not a hand was lifted against
me. It was an experience that did me a vast
amount of good.

CHAPTER XIII
A STEADY SET-BACK
Before leaving for ever the subject of this par
ticular ship, I must gratefully record one incident
that cheered me very much. It happened after
the mutiny of which I spoke on the last page of
the preceding chapter, and long after the skipper
had given up in despair his well-meant endeavours
to hold service for *his crew's benefit. One lovely
night I was sitting alone, as usual, on the forehatch,
communing with my own heart in the solemn still
ness of my surroundings, when one of my watch
mates, a simple-minded, good-natured fellow enough
if the other fellows would only have left him alone,
came and flung himself down by my side. Without
any preliminary but a startled glance all around
to see if anyone was near, he said : ' Look 'ere, ole
man, I sh'd like ter know sumfin 'bout this 'ere
'ligion o' yourn. I've heerd lots o' stuff talked by
mishnaries an' parsons, but I couldn't never make
nuthin' out of it. On'y I b'en watchin' yer fer a

A STEADY SET-BACK 253
long time now, an' it fair licks me 'ow yer kin go
on all this time with all hans a-chippin' at yer and
yet ye don't seem a bit mis'bul. I sh'd a b'en
fair loony long ago, jumped overboard or sumfin.'
To put the matter on the lowest ground, I
was certainly much delighted at the chance of a
little rational conversation on the one subject
above all others that interested me, as well as
proud that my conduct had met, in one instance at
least, with the approval of a shipmate, however
humble. So with a silent word for sanctified
common sense, I began to talk. And he listened
with almost painful intensity of earnestness until
eight bells struck. In a few minutes we went
below to turn in, but the moment we entered the
door my auditor was greeted with a burst of
blasphemous inquiries, which I would not, even if
I dared, repeat. ' Yes, you're a  lot of
beauties, you are. There ain't the pluck o' one
louse among th' ole lot of yer. Anybody'd think
each of yer kep a privit berryin' groun' o' yer own,
the way yer sling yer jaw, but ther' ain't one of
yer 'at's dared ter lay a finger on this yer man
ye've be'n a-threatenin' of all the passage. But
I'm bettin' my bottom dollar 'at if the ship was
a-goin' down you'd all be  well a-howlin' ter

254 WITH CHRIST AT SEA
God Awlmighty to save yer dirty little rags o
souls. W'y, y' ain't got 'arf a soul between th'ole
gang. Garn, I've a seen better men et up be
cockroaches afore now.'
I have only faintly indicated, for obvious
reasons, the swear words with which this harangue
was so forcibly punctuated, but it may be taken
for granted that they were plentiful and pungent.
Their effect, too, was instantaneous. The rage of
the fellows was so violent that, for the first time
that voyage, I really expected they would proceed
to the last extremity. So I leaned over the side
of my bunk (I slept immediately above my
would-be champion), and said ' Don't say any more,
there's a good fellow. You can't do any good,
and it only makes matters worse for me. Wait ;
you won't always be in a ship like this.' He
looked up at me speechlessly for a moment, but
made no further sign than to bury his face in his
grimy pillow and take no more notice of anybody.
And as I never took any notice of them, the
tumult soon died away and quiet reigned.
We reached Calcutta without further incident,
and I now' reaped the benefit of the skipper's
partiality by being allowed ashore whenever I
wished to go This was nearly every evening and

A STEADY SET-BACK 255
all day Sunday, for here I rapidly found most
congenial quarters. But before going into the
matter of those pleasant times, I should like to
say that the mutineers were brought up before the
shipping master in Calcutta and fined two days' pay
for an action that might have jeopardised the ship
herself and struck at the very root of all authority,
besides being perfectly uncalled-for. Is it any
wonder that discipline is at a low ebb in the
British Mercantile Marine? Of course they all
returned on board again, firmly convinced that
they were at liberty to do as they pleased about
obeying orders, so long as they were willing to
forfeit a few shillings of pay.
And now I gladly acknowledge that, in spite
of the intense heat and generally trying climatic
conditions of Calcutta, I managed to pass a very
pleasant time. On Sundays I left the ship early
in the morning and did not return on board again
until about 10 P.M., dividing my time between the
comfortable room of Colonel Haig's Mission in
the Radha Bazaar, visiting the beautiful cathedral,
which was the coolest place I found in Calcutta,
and winding up the day with a hearty sing-song
on board the English Church Mission ship, where
everything possible was done to make such men

256 WITH CHRIST AT SEA
as would come feel welcome and honoured guests.
It was a most delightful place. And to add to
my pleasure, there was, at this time, a most
marvellous outbreak of Christian enthusiasm
among the British seamen visiting the port, chiefly
due, I think, to the efforts of sundry American
missionaries working at the Radha Bazaar Sea
men's Rest. Large bodies of men might be seen
returning on board their respective vessels at
night, along the broad thoroughfares, singing with
all their hearts, not Bacchanalian ballads, but sacred
songs, sober, earnest, and full of devotional energy.
The various keepers of the bazaar dens of all sorts
of iniquity were in despair, for their trade was
fast vanishing. Captains of ships met in digni
fied conclave to exchange wondering comment
upon what most of them were pleased to call ' this
psalm-singing fever.'
None of them, however, could deny that,
whether they agreed or not with the spread of
religion among sailors, the effect of the present
extraordinary manifestation was entirely in their
favour. The men worked better, gave no trouble
by coming on board drunk, were in better health,
and were undoubtedly happy. For my part, I
am afraid that I was far too sanguine. In this

A [STEADY SET-BACK 257
tremendous outpouring of the best gift of God
to men, I fancied I saw the first signs of a flood
of righteousness that should revolutionise the con
ditions of our Mercantile Marine, because I then
held precisely the same opinion as I do now — viz.
that the bettering of the sailors' conditions of life
and service can only be effectively obtained by the
personal elevation of his character. Laws without
end may be made, and only succeed in making
matters worse, because those who make them do
not, with the best possible intentions, understand
the subject, and under present conditions those
who should furnish them with the required informa
tion are content to curse and growl at their lot
while at sea, and when ashore devote all their time
and money to that which holds them down in the
dirt ; and the decent ones, despairing of doing
any good in their profession, seize an early oppor
tunity of getting out of it. But a morally and
mentally uplifted personnel of the Merchant Ser
vice would be in a position to make their needs
known and get them supplied, to the great advan
tage of all concerned.
Let those sneer at Christian effort who will —
and God knows their name is Legion — there is no
more effective agent for the personal elevation of
s

258 WITH CHRIST AT SEA
man's body, as well as his soul, than this. Other
agencies lop off decayed branches or poisonous
suckers ; Christianity strikes at the giant tap-root,
and this alone can meet the urgent necessities of
the case.
On the third Monday after our arrival the
skipper sent for me, and told me that, as he had
been forced to discharge the bo'sun for incom
petency, he had been thinking of putting me in
the vacant place. But, fearing that with the same
crew I should have a most unpleasant time of it, he
had judged it kinder to try and get me a second
mate's berth. This he had now succeeded in doing,
and if I were willing to forego the small amount
of wages coming to me after my half-pay had
been deducted, he would gladly give me my dis
charge. Again I failed to see the justice of this ;
indeed, it seemed to me more unjust than ever,
because seamen's wages in Calcutta were just the
same as the English, 3/. per month. But I was
met by the same alternative as before: I could
either accept the terms offered or stay where I was.
Of course this, under the circumstances, was no
choice at all ; so I hesitated not a moment, and
since I was obliged to accept, did so with as good
a grace as possible. He took me down at once to

A STEADY SET-BACK 259
my new ship, a vessel of about the same size, but
vastly superior in every detail, and in five minutes
I had accepted the skipper's offer of 5/. ioj. a
month, and a month's advance, which I at once
despatched home to make amends for the half-pay
which had now ceased.
Returning on board, I at once packed up,
without being troubled at all by my shipmates.
There was quite an affectionate little parting
between my sturdy young champion — who had
steadfastly set his face towards better things, in
Calcutta — and myself. He naturally felt rather
downcast at the prospect of the passage home,
expecting with good reason that he would have a
fiery trial of it. But I assured him that such an
experience would do him no harm. By being
compelled to rely entirely upon God, he would
get a confidence unobtainable in any other way,
just as one trusts a lifebuoy in reality only when
obliged to hang on to it or drown. Thus we
passed out of each other's lives and never saw
or heard of one another again.
Full of gratification, I went on board my new
ship, being received with much friendliness by the
mate and third mate. She was loading jute for
Dundee, and my first duty was to superintend the

260 WITH CHRIST AT SEA
stowing of the cargo. The captain was seldom on
board, for, being half owner of the ship, he could
afford to please himself where he stayed while in
port. Work went on with the regularity of a
well-oiled machine, and I could hardly congratu
late myself sufficiently on having found so good
a ship. When we got to sea it was just the
same, only now the skipper used to chat with me
familiarly, making me feel quite at home with him,
but also letting me see that he was a practical
pagan. Once, indeed, he told me that he used
to conduct service on board, but finding it ' didn't
answer ' he knocked it off. I shuddered at the
idea. Conduct divine service when the man's
whole life was a negation of divinity, and a selfish
pampering of every base appetite that suggested
itself to him ! But I said nothing.
Then came a black day when I suddenly
realised that, of all the unhappy times I had
spent at sea, this passage was going to be one of
the worst. Between the skipper and the steward
there existed a strange fraternity, which had its
result in the latter behaving towards the officers
with a gross and insolent familiarity, such as I
have never before or since seen on board ship.
I had often wondered at the patient way in which

A STEADY SET-BACK 261
the mate, who was a middle-aged man and an
excellent seaman, endured this treatment at the
steward's hands, but put it down to a certain
easy good-nature. To me the steward had said
nothing at all but in a few civil monosyllables, until
one afternoon he came to my cabin door and,
without any preliminary, flung it wide open, say
ing ' Here, you, get me a cask o' beef when ye
go on deck, 's quick 's the devil '11 let ye.'
Aghast at this salutation, I could hardly speak
for a moment — rage, surprise, shame, all struggled
with me, impeding my speech. At last I said
' How dare you address me like that ? ' I had no
time to say more, for he coolly said, ' Oh, you go t'
hell. Just do as I told you, that's all.' Knowing
full well that this kind of thing would be fatal
to my position on board if allowed to go on,
but, alas, not realising the futility of any attempt to
alter it, I immediately went straight to the skipper
and reported the steward for gross insolence and
foul abuse. To my stupefaction, all he replied
was, 'Look here, don't you get interfering with
my steward, or it will be the worse for you. He's
a dam sight better man than you are any day.'
' That may be true, sir,' I answered ; ' but at the
same time I must remind you that you engaged

262 WITH CHRIST AT SEA
me as third in command of this ship, and that
during the six weeks that I have been on board
you have had no fault to find with me. Why,
then, do you now propose to subject me to the
coarse domination of a domestic servant, knowing,
as you must do, that I shall at the same time
lose all power of command over my watch, down
to the smallest boy ? '
To this appeal he merely rejoined, ' You seem
to have an infernal lot of back slack. Go away.'
I went, down-hearted, for I could now most
plainly see what a miserable time of it I was
going to have. Fortunately, I did not know how
bad it was going to be. Without the slightest
wish to be commiserated or to represent my
condition as worse than it was, I declare that
every species of indignity t;hat my skipper could
devise he thenceforward put upon me. That I
should have no privacy, he made the carpenter
take my door off its hinges ; that the men should
rebel and curse me he would give me orders to
do certain things while the crew were resting, as
in the dog-watches or on Sundays, and then, when
he could hear the row they were making, he
would come on deck and ask me ' what the devil '
I was doing, messing about like that. ' That'll

A STEADY SET-BACK 326
do, men,' he would say in a commiserating voice
to the men and with a sneering look at me. He
deprived me of my rest until I could barely snatch
three hours' sleep out of the twenty-four, and tried
his best to goad me into some overt act of rebellion,
in which, thank God, he did not succeed. But his
treatment of me so affected the third mate, who
had served his time in the ship, that he said, ' I
thank God that it isn't me he's -serving like this,
for I should have been guilty of murder.'
And to crown all, after a passage of five months
— nearly four months of incessant torture — this
magnanimous gentleman did what in him lay to
ruin my career by giving me a discharge marked
' G,' which is quite the equivalent of ' No good ' in
the case of an officer. Fortunately for me, I had
already my mate's certificate, or I could not have
obtained it, since it is indispensable to have a
recommendation from your last skipper, and that I,
of course, did not get. However, the voyage was
over, I had done nothing to regret beyond coming
in the ship at all, and a delightful welcome awaited
me in our little back-room in Camden Town, where
Iwas able, for a short time at any rate, to forget
the miserable past.
But when I contrast the speed with which

264 WITH CHRIST AT SEA
those happy hours flew, with the leaden-footed days
and weeks and months of that terrible passage
home, I am compelled even now to sigh, and
wonder why it is that pleasure is so short and pain
is so long.
Very unwillingly, but with a certain sense of
duty nearly forgotten, I return to that unhappy
time just to note that through a great part of it I
seemed to be utterly forsaken by God. No, not
utterly forsaken — I don't believe I ever felt that
quite— but left for a long time to ' dree my weird,'
as the Scotch say. But I can well remember how
I set my teeth, determined to endure doggedly to
the end ; not hopefully looking forward — the time
seemed too remote for that- — but, as I have often
done since when surrounded by troubles and unable
to see a break in the clouds anywhere, just sum
moned up all the endurance I could find and gone
on. It is a peculiar frame of mind, somewhat akin
to hopelessness, and yet I cannot conceive of any
man who has entirely lost hope living on. Both the
mood and its effects, though often experienced by
me, are a profound mystery to me still, but I feel
sure that many besides myself have been similarly
situated. A certain fear comes upon me that the misery

A STEADY SET-BACK 265
of these later days of my sea life must seem pain
fully monotonous. Very gladly would I brighten
them, for God knows that I was as susceptible to
a stray gleam of sunshine as a sensitive plant ;
only, this being fact and not fiction, I am not able
to do as I would in the matter. Yet, for the same
reason that I was so sorely tried by untoward
circumstances, I was always eager and ready to
grasp the brightnesses of my life as they occasion
ally appeared, and to feel grateful to God for the
mercies I always enjoyed. This, I think, is one of
the most — well, call it by the commonplace word
' useful ' things about the Gospel, that while it
endows its recipients with a hope beyond all
thought, a sure and certain hope for the future, it
does at the same time so increase their sensitive
ness and appreciation of all that is really joy-giving
in this life, that no people on earth are really so
happy as they, in proportion as they are, in very
deed and "in truth, followers of the Sorrowful Man.
Thus the few brief days I now spent at home
(ah, what that word meant to me now !) were
brimful of delight which not even the shadow of
coming separation could dash from us. But as the
small ' pay-day ' dwindled away, and still my daily
visits to the docks did not result in my getting a

266 WITH CHRIST AT SEA
berth, I became so anxious that it was day by
day more difficult for me to summon up a smile —
only another proof, of course, that I was unable
to learn the lesson of how to ' rest in the Lord '
unless compelled to do so, which is a very differ
ent thing. However, the entire attitude of the
mind of the child of God in the face of repeated
manifestations of God's protecting care and solici
tude for his best interests has been set forth so
fully once for all in the story of Elijah that each
individual experience is only a repetition of that
sublime confidence when confronted by a veritable
Himalaya of dreadful possibilities and dishonour
able mistrust before molehills of trial, each phase
ebbing and flowing in obedience to some mysteri
ously wayward influence within, and seems to be
the portion of all, in every age, who have realised
what God is to His people.
Once more I found it impossible to get a ship
in London as officer. And, as before, I was driven
at the last to ship before the mast as A.B. And
now I felt that I had touched bottom almost in my
profession, because the vessel I obtained was only
a small Nova Scotian brigantine, bound to Cape
Breton in the fall of the year, in ballast. I received
a month's advance of 3/., and sailed from the

A STEADY SET-BACK 267
Surrey Commercial Docks, finding, to my surprise,
that I was far more comfortable than I had
ever dreamed of being. For the vessel, though
little more than three hundred tons burden and
built of soft wood, was such a wonderfully sea-
kindly craft, her skipper was so amicable, and
her tiny crew so well fitted for their work, that
the labour was immensely lightened by the pleasure
that any seaman was bound to take in it. Besides,
there was a great hope in my mind that things
would surely mend now ; also the voyage would
be short, and there would be, I expected, many
chances of getting an officer's berth on the other
side. We were nearly a month on the passage, owing
to baffling winds, but the vessel's behaviour was so
good that it did not seem as long as that. Our
only trouble was that we had shipped a cook in
London who was so grotesquely incapable of
doing anything in the cooking way, and so foully
unclean besides, that we were compelled, in self-
defence, to attend to the preparation of our own
food. Had the mate been allowed to deal with the
pseudo-cook, I feel sure that murder would have
been done ; but the skipper, though young and full

268 WITH CHRIST AT SEA
of vigour, was one of the most humane men I have
ever met, and he would not allow the poor impostor
to be maltreated. Indeed, I have often seen the
fine fellow in the galley preparing some meal for
the cabin, while the cook hovered about outside,
looking wistfully at his commander's actions, but
never by any chance learning to do anything
correctly. Many cooks have I seen, and at the
hands of many of them have I suffered, but never
have I come across anyone quite so bad as this
poor useless creature.
We duly arrived at Sydney (Cape Breton), and
after we had been at anchor about a week, the
news came that we were to proceed to Lingan, a
tiny port in Nova Scotia, to load soft coal for St.
John, New Brunswick. Why, I did not understand,
since there were only three vessels in this quite
considerable coaling port, and an enormous supply
of coal awaiting shipment. One of these vessels
had attracted the attention of everybody on board
when we entered the harbour, by her antiquated
and clumsy appearance. She looked indeed as if
she was the result of some boat-builder's efforts to
build a sea-going ship, being just like an exag
gerated wherry. She was brig-rigged, her two masts
sticking up out of the curious hull like partly

A STEADY SET-BACK 269
broken broom-handles, and her jibboom pointing
skyward at a most absurd angle. Her rigging
was made out of the shabbiest entanglement of
odds and ends I had ever seen pretending to fulfil
the duties of a ship's upper gear, and the men, who
stared listlessly over the side at us as we came in,
were fully in keeping, a dirty, dispirited-looking
handful of men. Had I met her in the Indian
seas, I should have taken her for a 'country-
wallah,' i.e. one of those funny old craft that,
having survived their usefulness at home, have
drifted into the hands of natives, who make a good
deal of money out of them in the Indian coasting
trade. It will presently be seen why I am thus
particular in describing her.
The day for our departure arrived, the mate
having informed us that we were to sail at 10 P.M.
Shortly after dark he came forrard, and putting
his head into the fo'csle, he called me. When I
came out, he said in a mysterious whisper, ' Ye've
got a mate's ticket, haven't yeu ? ' ' Yes,' I replied
wonderingly. ' Well,' he went on, ' th' ole man sez
that ef yeu like, yeu k'n clear out befo' we git
under way. He ken't discharge ye 'thout a lot of
trouble, 'n ye hain't got any dollars deu t' ye ; so if
yew'll say the word, my brother, who's 'longside

270 WITH CHRIST AT SEA
naow with his boat, givin' me a look up, '11 give ye a
shove ashore. Ef I wuz yeu, I'd jump at the
chance, fur they's one ef not two ships in Sydney
wantin' a mate, and they'll be all-fired glad t' git
ye.' Need I say that I didn't hesitate a minute in
accepting the offer, and bidding him give the
skipper my most earnest thanks for his kindly
thoughtfulness. And in three hours from thence I
was being pulled shoreward with all my belongings.
The mate's brother, after landing me on the beach
and helping me ashore with my dunnage, said ' So
long ! ' and shoved off for his home, leaving me there
sitting on my bag, feeling as much alone as if I
had been the sole survivor of a crew stranded on a
desert island.

CHAPTER ^XIV
AN APPALLING VOYAGE
There was not a light in the little straggling town
that I could see, and the night was very dark ; so
for a while I sat still on my bag of clothes, trying
to think out the situation. But do what I would,
I could not suppress a miserable feeling of being
deserted, like a lost child who blames its mother.
This feeling was intensified by the melodious cries
of my late shipmates as they got the pretty craft
under way, and also by the damp chill of the
winter night in that severe climate. At last, as a
numbing sensation of cramp stole over me, I
staggered to my feet, muttering ' Lord, help me,
for I fear I'm in evil case now ; ' and, leaving my
bag where it was, groped my way up the bank of
loose stones until I reached the street, if the long
disconnected series of mean buildings could be
dignified by such a name. Turning irresolutely
from side to side, I saw a gleam of light through
the crack of a door about a hundred yards away.

272 WITH CHRIST AT SEA
Without one thought of the impudence of my
proceeding, I went straight towards it and tapped
smartly with my knuckles against the door. A
rough-looking man, in shirt and trousers only,
barefooted and bareheaded, answered, and, with a
sympathetic note in his voice, made me cordially
welcome to such shelter as he had to give. There
was already, he said, a drunken sailor of some sort
lying on the floor, but I might take ' th' 'ould
sofy.' I thanked him heartily, as well I might, and
hurried away to fetch my bag. When I returned
he was waiting for me with a glass of rum, which I
took gladly, for I felt chilled to the marrow.
Then, bidding me good night, he retired into an
inner room and left me in total darkness, with the
stertorous breathing of my unknown companion in
misfortune for a lullaby. It proved ineffective, for
between the myriads of fleas which inhabited the
couch, and the cold, I could not sleep at all. But
I managed to while away the night somehow, and
as soon as it was light enough to see I wandered
down the street until I came to an ' hotel.' Here,
after some vigorous knocking, I managed to gain
admission, and upon telling my story I was
cordially welcomed. Returning for my bag, I

AN APPALLING VOYAGE 273
found my worthy host had not yet turned out, nor
had the other lodger aroused, so I just shouldered
my belongings and left.
As soon as working hours commenced I went
a-hunting for the shipmaster of whom I had been
told who wanted a mate, and very soon found him
with a crony, sitting drinking brandy. As I was
desperate, no false modesty restrained me from
attacking him at once with the query, ' I hear you
are in want of a mate, sir?' He looked at me
with that peculiar air of judicial gravity affected
by his class when liquor is just stirring their
sluggish brains, and said ' Yes, I am. Are you a
mate ? Have you got a first mate's certificate ? '
By the precision and carefully clipped syllables of
his speech, I knew him at once for a Welshman ;
by his bleared, furtive eyes and suffused face, I
knew him for a drunkard ; but these impressions
registered themselves on my brain with the speed
of light, and I replied courteously to his questions.
' It appeared, from what he said, that he was
not at all anxious to engage a mate just then— in
fact, he would much rather not ; but if I wanted
a ship very badly, he didn't mind taking me on at
once. By these careful lies he succeeded in getting
me for a very low salary, for I was much afraid of
T

274 WITH CHRIST AT SEA
losing the chance, having found that there was no
other vessel there that wanted a mate. No sooner
had I agreed to go than we adjourned to a general
store a few doors off, which, it appeared, was the
shipping office, and there I signed the articles,
which, for some strange reason, were already there.
Then, turning to me, he said : ' Now look 'ere,
Misser Bewlow ' (he never got any nearer my simple
name than that), ' I want you t' go on board and
take charge. I am not very well, and shall go and
lay down in my hotel a little while. You will find
the second mate aboard, and he will introduce you
to the ship. And if you want anything, just come
ashore up to the hotel and see me about it'
Promising to do his bidding after I had des
patched my month's advance home, I left him,
and in about an hour was down at the landing-
place. There I found a melancholy little group of
half a dozen men just dragging out of the water
the dead body of a stalwart young seaman that
had drifted on to the beach. Upon inquiry, I
found that he had been one of my new ship's
company, who had fallen overboard out of the
boat the night before at sunset, as he was coming
ashore to fetch one of his shipmates who was
drunk. I could not help feeling that this was an

AN APPALLING VOYAGE 275
inauspicious opening to my new venture, but when
I got on board I found it was entirely appropriate.
The second mate was on board, certainly ; but in
a state of fury against the skipper, and firmly
resolved never to do a stroke of work on board
again. He told me a lurid yarn about the condi
tion of things on board ; how they lived just from
hand to mouth, buying a few pounds of stores
here and there ; how they had been out from
England nearly two years, during which time they
had shipped five different mates ; and how the
skipper had drunk every penny of freight earned
by the ship, &c. &c. Between whiles the narrator
relieved the tempest of his feelings by bursting into
a torrent of Welsh, and when he had thus let off
steam, as it were, he would go on more coherently
until he got worked up again.
The condition of the vessel, on deck and in the
cabin, was deplorable. I suppose it will already
have been surmised that she was the quaint brig-
rigged thing which had so excited our scornful
laughter when coming into harbour, but the view
we then obtained of her revealed very little of her
true condition. My heart sank within me when I
saw the filth everywhere and noticed the sullen
looks of the five men forrard, doubly miserable now
T 2

276 WITH CHRIST AT SEA
from the loss of their shipmate. However, she stood
between me and starvation, not only for myself,
but for another far dearer ; and with a short, almost
fierce prayer for courage and ability to see the
thing through, I began. It was almost hopeless
from the outset to get any assistance from the
second mate, who had fully made up his mind to
take any risks in order to get clear of the ship ; but
I kept on good terms with him, so that if he should
alter his mind I might have the benefit of his
services at once. I started the men at work to
clean up a bit, at which there was a good deal of
muttering that I could not afford to take any
notice of. Indeed, the only pleasant face that
appeared on board was owned by a chubby lad,
the nephew of the skipper, who, fearfully and
wonderfully grubby, was performing, after a weird
fashion, the double offices of cook and steward.
In two days the old tub began to look a little
more as a ship that is still sea-going should look,
and I was becoming more contented. But mean
while a sorrowful thing occurred which I feel I
must record, although I am afraid it will be fiercely
disputed by some people. The poor fellow who
was drowned was a native of Clonakilty, co. Cork,
and a most devout Catholic. He had also won

AN APPALLING VOYAGE 277
the sincere regard of his shipmates by his good
life, as well as genial, kindly behaviour. So that
when the time came for him to be buried they all
asked to go ashore to attend his funeral. There
fore, leaving the second mate and boy on board,
we all went up to the little churchyard, where We
found a group of bewildered men surrounding the
rough coffin. They did not know what to do,
because the parish priest had refused to perform
the burial service. I make no comment ; I repeat
none of the remarks made by these indignant
Catholics ; I merely record the fact that the body
was silently lowered into the grave, and one of the
rough labourers knelt down on the newly turned
soil and commended the poor soul to God. I said
nothing, because personally I feel that, although it
is undoubtedly right and becoming to put our
dead away from us with solemnity and decorum,
whatever we do or say affects not the piece of clay
that was our friend at all. But I know that
multitudes of dear people think otherwise, and
would be sorely wounded at such a graveside scene .
as this. We all returned on board very quietly and did
not resume work that day. The next morning I
went ashore at nine and sought my commanding

278 WITH CHRIST AT SEA
officer. Being told to go up to his room, I found
him in bed with a half-emptied bottle of brandy
by his side, in a maudlin state of drunkenness.
He was able, however, to give me instructions not
to trouble him any more than I could help, as he
was not at all well, to tell me the name of the
agent for loading the ship, and to order me to use
my best endeavours to get the coal in and the
ship ready for sea ; also, to report progress to him
now and then. I left his presence disgusted, yet
consoled by the reflection that he was having his
debauch on shore, where he was out of the way.
Then I went to a surgeon and had an operation
performed for a whitlow on my left thumb, that
left me one-armed for over two months and has
practically crippled the digit for life. Thence
forward, left to my own resources, getting no sleep
for the pain of my thumb until utterly exhausted,
and always scheming some way of utilising the
few bits of rotten gear on board, to make things
at least a little shipshape, I had no time to be
miserable. In fact, I believe that the experience
was distinctly salutary. Its very sordidness and
hopelessness and loneliness compelled me to seek
for the comfort I stood so much in need of, where
alone it could be found.

AN APPALLING VOYAGE 279
The crew, if listless and careless, were not
hostile, and, so long as I was content to let them
go at their own pace, evidently did not mean to
give me any trouble. The second mate loafed
about all day trying my patience sorely, but I had
nothing to gain by endeavouring fruitlessly to force
him to his duty against his will, so I bore with him.
And in due time the cargo was on board, the sails
bent, the vessel shifted out into the bay from the coal
tips, and everything ready for sea. Then I visited
the skipper and informed him of the fact, but he
had in nowise exhausted the delights of his pro
longed carouse, and for another twenty days we
remained there, idly swinging at our anchor.
Every morning I saw him, every morning he
made excuses for not going to sea, generally that
he was ill ; until at last the consignee of the cargo
in St. John having worried the agent into despera
tion, that gentleman came on board, and, after
ascertaining from me how matters really stood,
went to the skipper's lodgings and threatened to
give me orders to take the ship to sea without
him unless he instantly returned to his duty.
This menace of the agent's, although I do not
think he would have dared to carry it out without
instructions from the owner, was effectual. The

280 WITH CHRIST AT SEA
old man came on board two hours after in a small
tug, and, having given me orders to get under
way, retired to his cabin in company with a
large wicker-covered jar of spirits. From thence
he did not again emerge until we reached St. John
three weeks after.
Want of space prevents me from giving more
than the merest outline of that passage. More
over, I am fully convinced of my utter inability
to do justice to its details. Only a sailor could
realise what it meant to me to be alone in charge
of an unhandy old brig, deep-loaded with coal, on
one of the most dangerous coasts in the world, in
the middle of November, with only one hand to
use, and no one to relieve me in whom I could
place confidence ; for the second mate, baulked of
his wish to leave in Sydney, refused to keep a
watch. And on the first occasion of taking sights
for longitude, I found the chronometer to be hope
lessly wrong. This was partly my own fault, for
though I had carefully attended to the winding of
the instrument ever since I had been on board I
had not tested its accuracy, as prudence should
have suggested. .When I discovered that it was
useless, I felt for a moment as if all was lost, but
soon recovered, and from that time I worked my

AN APPALLING VOYAGE 281
way cautiously south by the aid of the deep-sea
lead and the fishing schooners. But if ever a man
was ' instant in prayer,' I was. I grew confident
that we should make out all right, even though
I knew it would be little short of miraculous
if, with such a ' clumbungie,' we successfully
manoeuvred through the tremendous tide races
and conflicting currents from Cape Sable to the
Grand Manan, where I hoped to get a pilot.
An elderly seaman of great experience used to
keep a look-out for me while I snatched uneasy
periods of sleep, and one night, amidst a sleet
storm of great violence, I awoke just in time to
see, through a momentary break, the beam from
Cape Roseway Lighthouse shining overhead. Not
until we had clawed off on the other tack and
lost sight of the light astern did I fully realise how
narrow had been our escape. Although the night
was bitterly cold I was drenched with sweat,
induced, I supposed, by the violent nerve strain.
But when we came to the place I dreaded most of
all, the Bay of Fundy, the weather fined and kept
beautifully clear until, with the pilot on board, I
was able to take the first solid four hours' sleep
I had enjoyed for three apparently interminable
weeks.

282 WITH CHRIST AT SEA
The skipper went ashore as soon as we reached
the pier next day, although he had previously been
too unwell to leave his cabin since we left Sydney :
that is, he had been too busily engaged in empty
ing his brandy jar and suffering the penalty for
so doing. But he was a truly marvellous man.
In spite of his excesses, his close confinement, and
lack of food, he did not look the wreck that one
would have expected him to be. However, ashore
he went, muttering his formula, ' I'm not very well.
Think I sh'll stay ashore to-night.' Whether he
had a dim idea of catching me at some nefarious
practices or not, I do not know ; but he returned
that night, and, utterly ignoring the lighted gang
way I had caused to be rigged from the quay to
the main rigging, walked deliberately over the edge
of the wharf and fell a matter of fifty feet into the
mud, the tide being out. In his fall he passed
between the vessel's side and the piles of the
wharf; he struck in the only position in which it
was possible for him to do so and not be killed —
feet foremost — and when, in response to his piteous
cry of ' Misser Bewlow, Misser Bewlow, for Gaw's
sake safe my lyve ! ' we rescued him, he was no
whit the worse, with the exception of a few bruises,
for his awful fall ; indeed, he was still drunk.

AN .^APPALLING VOYAGE 283
Next morning he was assisted to a carriage and
taken to an hotel, where he remained during the
whole of our stay in St. John. I used to visit him
occasionally, and always found him the worse for
liquor. All this time I had steadfastly refused to touch
anything stronger than tea or coffee, nor would I
ever take any money from him, although he was
continually proffering it ; for I wanted all my
pay when I got home, oh ! so badly. There was
another way open to me to make money, of which
I refused to avail myself, although, as the event
proved, I might have done so without wronging
anybody but myself — which, I take it, is the best
argument against practices of the kind to which
mates of sailing ships were, in my day, peculiarly
liable. The old vessel had an enormous quantity
of junk ' — old rope and canvas— on board, because
in Santos she had been fitted with wire rigging,
and the skipper, instead of bargaining to exchange
the old gang of rope-rigging for it, had paid cash,
thereby securing an ample cash commission for
himself. Now by some means it became known
ashore in St. John that all this old junk was aboard
of us, and I was continually being pestered by
' longshoremen ' to sell it to them or to recommend

284 WITH CHRIST AT SEA
my skipper to sell it to them. For this latter
service one man offered me as much as twenty-
five dollars — that is, he was willing to give a
hundred dollars for the junk, of which I might
retain twenty-five for myself. Others offered less
sums, and I refused to have anything to do with
them at all. But somehow the hundred-dollar man
found the skipper out and succeeded in inducing
him to sell the junk for seventy-five dollars, besides
so ingratiating himself with the poor sot that he
was engaged as stevedore, to go with us to our
port of loading and stow the vessel's cargo.
When this worthy came, armed with the
skipper's order to cart away the junk, he was
exceedingly sarcastic at my honesty, which he
characterised in familiar but unquotable language.
And I admit that, from an outsider's point of
view, it was hard to see where the benefit to any
body but the purchaser came in.
I was unable to get away from my ship at all,
except for a brief space on Sunday mornings, as
there was no other officer on board, the second
mate having succeeded in getting his discharge
and pay, and no other having been engaged ; and,
as no one came to see me, I was still quite alone,
as far as human companionship was concerned.

AN APPALLING VOYAGE 285
On Sunday mornings I used to go to a Church of
England near by for the sweet sense of rest and
aloofness from the world that it gave, although the
way that the service was gabbled over and the
utter paltriness of the preaching used to make me
sick at heart. No one ever spoke to me. Why
should they ? I don't suppose I looked very com
panionable, for although I was so young I had
a preoccupied, reserved, and elderly appearance —
rather repellent, I do not doubt.
After a stay of three weeks the skipper arrived
one day with his crony, the ' tagarene ' man, and a
large supply of brandy. He informed me with
great dignity that we were to load lumber, deal
planks, at a little port called Parrsboro', in the
basin of Minas, near the place immortalised by
Longfellow in ' Evangeline.' Of course we were
to tow over there — over a hundred miles, I think.
There never was such a man for accumulating
towage expenses. I was not sorry, for it relieved
me of a great deal of worry and hard work. We
started that afternoon, and were no sooner clear of
Partridge Island than the skipper and his chum,
being both too drunk to stand, retired below, and
I saw them no more during the passage. The
night passed entirely without incident, but upon

286 WITH CHRIST AT SEA
arriving in the river next day and taking up a local
pilot, I could get no information from the skipper
where we were to lie ; and as no harbour-master
appeared, we were fain to tie up at the first wharf
that we reached. Then the pilot and I trudged
through the snow for a couple of miles to the
village, it being now dark, where I managed to
find the consignee, who told me what wharf to
come to, but was very curious about the indis
position of the skipper.
Thank heaven, my miserable position was soon
to be altered. It had been bad enough before
but now it had become intolerable. This drunken
blackguard of a stevedore, when he was not
carousing with the skipper ashore in an hotel to
which they had both departed the day following
our arrival, was directing a couple of men to fling
the lumber about the hold. Stowage there was
none. When I remonstrated with this shameful
proceeding, for by it the vessel was rendered un
seaworthy (and she had to face a North Atlantic
winter passage), he jeeringly referred me to the
skipper, who, he said, had told him he was not to
be interfered with. I went to the skipper and
tried to make him understand what was being
done, but all that I could get out of him was that

AN APPALLING VOYAGE 287
' Chimmy ' was a good man, who knew his busi
ness, and that I had better let him alone. That
broke down the high barrier of patient endurance
I had so carefully erected, and I told him, with
some heat I am afraid, that under such conditions
I would not go in the ship. At which he laughed,
and ordered me to go on board.
Next day he came down to visit the ship. We
were all at dinner, when we heard a tremendous
crash, and, rushing on deck, we found that he had
in some mysterious way fallen between the ship
and the wharf, breaking the ice, which was several
inches in thickness. We dragged him out, unhurt
except for a few bruises and scratches. Without
even changing his clothes, only taking a blanket
to wrap round him, he returned to his hotel and
stayed there. I afterwards heard that a few days
previous he had gone for a sleigh ride with his
crony and had been pitched head foremost over a
steep bank into a great snowdrift, where he was
dug out with enormous difficulty, but entirely
unhurt, and not even sobered.
The day arrived when the ship was loaded — I
cannot say she was ready for sea, for it is impos
sible to conceive of a ship more unfit to face even
the simplest navigation than she was. She had a

288 WITH CHRIST AT SEA
deckload of deals, rising four feet above the rails —
that is, about eight feet in height — and was so
' crank ' or topheavy that she would scarcely stand
upright at the wharf. Her sails were like muslin
for thinness, besides being clouted, or patched,
until they looked like a nigger field-hand's breeches.
The men were afraid to put their weight on a rope
for fear of bringing something tumbling about their
ears. And she was almost bare of provisions. So
I sat down and wrote a letter to the owner, briefly
setting forth the state of affairs, telling him that I
was firmly convinced that it was the skipper's
intention to cast the ship away, and that, under all
the circumstances, I did not feel justified in going
to sea in such a vessel.
Then I went up to the hotel, where, at ten in
the morning, I found the skipper and ' Chimmy '
in the same bed, looking as frowsy and besotted
and animalised as any two human beings I ever
saw, and I have seen some gorgeous specimens.
Only Zola could do justice to the details of that
chamber, and then the reading would not be to
our taste. Without any preface I said, ' Captain,
I want my discharge.' This roused him, and after
its import had soaked into his bemused mind, he
answered as shortly, ' You can't have it.' I am

AN APPALLING VOYAGE 289
not going to detail the conversation that followed,
for even the recalling of the scene is most un
pleasant for me, and I am afraid it would be
doubly so for my readers. In the event, I left him
and returned on board, removing my effects to an
hotel, whose proprietor, in full knowledge of the
conditions, had promised to receive me. I then
consulted a lawyer, premising that I was penniless
and that he could only be paid in the event of my
succeeding. He advised me to have the skipper
arrested on a writ of Capias, saying that it would
bring matters to a head. I followed his advice ;
the skipper was arrested just as he was going on
board, and had a tug alongside to tow the vessel
to St. John, where I suppose he intended to ship
another unfortunate mate.
But, as I might have expected had I been more
experienced in such matters, I was hopelessly beaten.
To my intense amazement, the strongest point upon '
which I had relied — the danger resulting to the ship's
company from the skipper's habitual drunkenness
— failed completely. He swore that he was tem
perate, and that he had never been intoxicated since
he had commanded the ship. He was far from
sober at the time of making this statement, by the
way ; but the court, such as it was, believed him
U

2 go WITH CHRIST AT SEA
and as my counsel had called no witnesses, this
monstrous lie passed. In vain I pleaded the un
seaworthiness of the ship, the fact of my having no
officer to relieve me ; the only alternatives pre
sented me were to sail in her or lose my wages.
But, as I said to the lawyer, although I sorely
needed that 12/., I did not feel like risking so much
to obtain it. So the brig was towed away, and, to
cut my story short, the skipper spent a fortnight
in St. John drinking, then shipped another mate
and sailed, losing the vessel (and three men's lives)
before he had gone a hundred miles, which was
what I was firmly convinced he meant trying
to do. My position was now a serious one. I had
no money, and although my hotel bills only
amounted to three dollars a week, they were
mounting up. Navigation was fast becoming im-
* possible for ice, for winter was now almost at its
height. I felt like a rat in a trap. But I have
always found that the apparently hopeless cases of
difficulty that have confronted me have disappeared
miraculously at the touch of God's hand or ever I
came upon them. This was to be no exception to
the good rule. Meanwhile I found some congenial
society among the Episcopalians, and became, for

AN APPALLING VOYAGE 291
the time, a member of their choir. None of them
knew, however, to what straits I was reduced ;
and even had they known, I fear the circumstance
of a man being compelled to get into debt through
enforced idleness during the winter was far too
common to excite any wonder.
Relief came at last. I had been about three
weeks ashore, when a ragged-looking ruffian one
morning accosted me with ' Say, 'r yeu th' duck
'at's lookin' for a ship ? Mate ain't ye ? ' I gazed
at him wonderingly, but I had learned that in
Nova Scotia clothes do not make the man, so I
answered him carefully. Whereupon he told me
that he had built a schooner of twenty-four tons,
which he had loaded with potatoes grown on his
own farm, and he was now anxious to take her out
to the West Indies to sell her and her cargo if
possible. But he wanted a navigator, and was
willing to pay twenty-five dollars a month for one.
Would I come ? Indeed I would, if he would only
give me a month's advance. He agreed, although
it is a mystery to me how he raised the money ;
for he was poor, with a poverty that was pathetic —
so poor that he could not buy reasonable food for
the passage. He managed to raise enough for my
advance though, on paper. Here again was a

292 WITH CHRIST AT SEA
difficulty. I wanted sadly to send ten dollars
home, but could find no one to let me have cash
for my note. I could buy things with it, anything
the stores contained ; but no dollars were forth
coming, and at last I was driven to asking the
skipper to take his note back and give me fifteen
dollars advance, which was all I needed to pay my
score and make my few purchases. This he did
with alacrity. I wound up my affairs, came on
board the tiny craft, and squeezed myself into the
little square foul-smelling den of a cabin with my
belongings. I found that a small boy of twelve,
the skipper's son, and a half-witted lad of fifteen
were to accompany us, both looking as dirty and
woebegone as possible. And twenty-four hours
after meeting with my rough-looking commander
we were bowling down the Basin of Minas, bound
for summer.

CHAPTER XV
AND LAST
During my stay in Parrsboro' I had found,
to my amazement, that I was far better able to
endure the intense cold than the natives, who used
to work muffled up to the eyes in all sorts of
strange woolly garments, and with double mitts
on their hands, while I was bare-handed and in
shirt-sleeves. They told me that this was usually
the case with new-comers in their first winter, but
that if I stayed there a year I should find myself
just as susceptible as they were. For the present,
however, this ability to bear cold stood me in good
stead, for when we were about forty miles from
Parrsboro' the weather became terrible in its
severity. ' Frost smoke ' arose from the sea, crea
ting an environment as much colder and more
penetrating than ordinary low-temperature clear
weather, as a snow-and-salt mixture is colder than
ice water. Every little spray coming over froze

294 WITH CHRIST AT SEA
where it touched, and every lurch of the vessel
brought down a mass of glittering ice from above.
We groped our way into Musquash Harbour and
shipped a stock of wood and water, my mind filled
with an unreasoning peevish anger against such
miserable conditions of labour.
Leaving there the next day, we moved cau
tiously south, anchoring behind Bryer Island and
in Yarmouth on successive days because we had
got so frozen up we could not work the vessel. Un
happily, I now realised that my employer was a
man of the worst class, brutal in his behaviour,
blasphemous in his talk, and unutterably filthy in
his habits. To be shut up with him and those two
poor lads for what looked like being a month was
so serious a prospect that I refused to consider it.
We spent Christmas Day anchored at the entrance
to Yarmouth Harbour, the weather being much too
severe for us to venture out — so bad, in fact, that
even in our tiny den, the floor-space of which was
half filled by the stove, we could hardly keep from
freezing, although the big boy was kept constantly
employed thrusting blocks of birchwood into the
fire. On the fifth day after leaving Parrsboro' we
reached a small anchorage at the back of Cape

CONCLUSION 295
Sable Island ; only just in time, for a tremendous
gale commenced outside before we had got the
sails furled. Here we lay for a week, until the
vessel looked more like a tiny iceberg than aught
else, our only food potatoes with a smack of salt
herring about them. We had but a ' kit ' (about
twenty-five pounds) of these fish, and it was
necessary to be economical with them, as our keg
of beef had become putrid. We had a barrel of
flour, with which the big boy made something like
bread, salting it with his tears under the continued
and shameful brutality of the skipper. For drink
we had a decoction of burnt bread, neither tea nor
coffee being included in our store list. But, after
all, these were minor evils, not to be considered
under the far graver conditions in which we were
existing. At last we managed to get ashore and enjoy a
day's chopping among the young birches to re
plenish our stock of firewood, exercise which was
delightful after the wretched cramped-up life we
had been leading. And finally we cut down a
spreading young spruce tree, leaving all its
branches intact. This, with a vast amount of
labour, we managed to get on board and secure
across the main deck, which it completely filled

296 WITH CHRIST AT SEA
Then, the wind veering favourably, we broke the
ice off our upper gear and put to sea.
It was the skipper's first watch on deck that
night (we took four hours each, as neither of the
boys were of any use to us), and when he called
me at midnight I awoke with a sense of relief and
gratitude unspeakable. For the bitter bleak edge
of the cruel winter we had exchanged the mild
balmy atmosphere of the Gulf Stream. Already
the ice and snow had almost disappeared, the
ropes felt soft, the sails flapped instead of snapping
and crackling like wood. , My misery fell from
me like a shroud, and I longed to sing. Ah, how
thankful I was ! This blessed relief had but just
time to revive us, when bad weather set in. A
heavy gale arose, blowing right across the set of
the Gulf Stream, and raising a mighty suc
cession of such dangerous waves as cannot be
excelled anywhere in the world. So we played
our last card : we shackled our cable to the bole
of our spruce tree and hove it overboard. It acted
as well as any sea-anchor ever made, keeping the
poor little vessel's head up to the sea. And thus,
with every stitch of canvas as secure as we could
make it, we lay for seventy-two hours, a mere chip
in that howling ocean. Nine watches of four

CONCLUSION 297
hours each I stood by the useless wheel, watching
the never-ending succession of roaring green
mountains rushing towards us, and acutely con
scious that each one was probably bearing us the
stroke of grace. They were solemn hours to me,
of which I cannot speak ; but with deepest
gratitude I record that whenever the skipper
relieved me I went to my narrow bunk and
immediately slept like a babe on its mother's
bosom. It was a fascinating, if a terrible experience, to
stand and watch the oncoming wave soar higher
and higher until, in thundering triumph, it was
upon us and sweeping us away to leeward, as if we
were only a feather ; then the swift descent into
the great hissing hollow between the wave just past
and the wave just coming, while their foam-curdled
surfaces in unnatural smoothness seemed to be
sinking us to the ocean's bed. This ascent and
descent, performed every minute or so during the
whole of those three days, never lost its potentiali
ties of terror ; although, thanks to our novel sea-
anchor, we rode gallantly. Only in the last burst
of the gale the sea that I appeared to have been
waiting for so long suddenly arrived. It caught
the poor little craft in its full embrace, and what

298 WITH CHRIST AT SEA
happened after is a blank for I was clinging for
life to the wheel, and wondering how much longer
I could hold my breath under water. And when I
breathed again and could see, I found that she had
suffered no damage. Not only so, but the weather
had broken ; and as our tree-stem had been chafed
right through, we made sail such as she would
bear and edged away south.
With the coming of fine weather the skipper
became quite jovial and confidential. He favoured ,
me with full details of his plans for the future.
He wasn't going back again, not he. His old
woman and her litter might go to the devil, he'd
done enough for 'em. No ; he would get rid of the
boy somehow, and then he would make a bee-line
for New York with the proceeds of the sale of his
vessel, and set up a brothel — that was the best-
paying game. And so on and so on for an hour
at a time, while I stood at the wheel, sick at heart
but unable to escape.
We had no more bad weather, and at fairly
good speed we gradually lessened our latitude
until we were far enough south, and, having no
chronometer, began cautiously to steal west. We
only met one vessel, strange to say, and that was
when we were near enough for the longitude she

CONCLUSION 299
gave us to last us as a departure point until we
got safely into port. And no sooner was the
anchor down and the sails fast than I hailed a
canoe, put my dunnage into it, and hastened
ashore. For although I have not dared to enlarge
upon the matter, partly from dwindling space and
partly because I would not like it thought that I
was degenerating into a querulous grumbler, I had
really suffered a great deal on board that little
vessel from my compulsory, association with that
man. Physically filthy, repulsively blasphemous,
and outrageously cruel — he gave the poor half
witted cook a kick in the mouth one day that
disfigured him for life and broke several of his
teeth — to be shut up with an animal like that in
so small a space for a month was as severe a trial
as I wish to undergo.
Whether he thought that it was unwise to
allow me to go to the shipping master alone or
not, I do not know ; but he followed me ashore
instantly and paid me the small amount I had
due, giving me my discharge in due form before
the shipping master. I said as little to him as I
could, being only anxious to see his back ; and
finding me thus uncompanionable, he departed and
I saw him no more. The shipping master very

300 WITH CHRIST AT SEA
courteously asked me what I proposed to do. I
explained my position to him, and he then advised
me to get away from St. John at once as there
was practically no shipping there at any time that
would suit me. He gave me an introduction to
the skipper of a smart -looking schooner in the
harbour, with the queerest name I ever heard, ' The
Migumooweesoo,' who, he said, would gladly give
me a passage to Barbadoes, and was leaving next
day. There he was sure I should soon get a chance.
Of course I hastened on board at once, finding
the skipper, a splendid young specimen of man
hood, almost at death's door with dysentery. His
crew were all negroes, kindly willing fellows
enough, but not able to do for him what was
needed, or keep him company ; consequently his
delight at my advent was pathetic to see. He
would hardly allow me to go ashore and fetch my
few belongings, in case I should alter my mind
and not come ; and I had no sooner returned thaqj
he gave his mate orders to get under way with
all speed, as we had twenty horses on board amd
the question of their food was rather a serious one.
We made a very long passage of ten days,
during which we were compelled to put into Prince
Rupert, Dominica, for sugar-cane tops for the

CONCLUSION 301
horses to eat ; but I was thoroughly happy. My
small knowledge of common-sense medical treat
ment succeeded in pulling poor Brown out of the
very jaws of death, while my company was to him,
he said, more precious than he could ever have
imagined such a thing could be. So that when we
arrived in Barbadoes I had that satisfactory sense
of being of some use — that is one of the sweetest
feelings, I think, one can have in this world.
He would, however, hear nothing about Christ.
When I first broached the subject he was terribly
alarmed, and asked me most anxiously if I thought
he was dying. The earnestness of my disclaimer
reassured him, but he begged me not to mention
the matter to him again unless I really thought he
was going to die. He said that was all the use of
religion that he knew of, to cheer people up when
they were going ' off the hooks.' And when he
got better he said such things about Christianity
? and Christians generally, that in my. turn I begged
him to let the matter drop.
' I parted from him with a good deal of regret,
for he was a thoroughly manly fellow ; only
his moral nature had been warped from his youth
up by vicious surroundings. And 'after hearing
some of his stofies of the relations between

302 WITH CHRIST AT SEA
whites and coloured people of the island, I could
well understand how, if there was any truth in
them, he had come to look upon religion as the
merest farce. But as that was a matter of hearsay
only, and is besides somewhat out of my province,
I must pass on.
Only a matter of ten days (though they were
long days, I admit) passed in Bridgetown before I
was one morning informed at the shipping office
that there was a large barquentine in the harbour
needing a chief mate. Without a moment's delay
I hurried on board, finding her a truly splendid
yacht-like craft and one that it would be a delight
to command. I was received by the second mate,
really the boatswain, for he was a man unable to
read. He was a very genial fellow though, and
looked every inch a sailor-man. That, however,
I should have judged from the beautiful appear
ance of the ship. Glad, I suppose, to have some
one to talk to, he told me one of the most pathetic
stories of the sea it has ever been my lot to hear.
It appeared that they had but just come from Port
Natal. On their departure they had been com
manded by a man of whom the rough boatswain
spoke with bated breath as if he were no ordinary
mortal. He was of huge stature, yet gentle as a

CONCLUSION 303
child, a thorough seaman and navigator, and withal
a simple-minded, great-hearted Christian. With him
were his wife and two little ones, and to see him
with those hostages to fortune was to wonder how
one human heart could hold so much love. After
a most perilous passage round the Cape, another
little son was born to him away in the middle of
the South Atlantic. But before he had nursed his
precious helpmate quite back to strength again, he
himself was stricken down by some terrible disease,
about which neither the mate (now captain) nor
his wife knew anything ; and, after battling with
it manfully for five or six days, he suddenly lost
the desire of more life and quietly drifted home
wards in the arms of his heart-broken helpmate.
Four days later the vessel arrived in Barbadoes,
where the hapless widow and her orphan children
were transferred to the mail steamer and sent home.
By the time the second mate had finished his
recital the skipper had arrived, and in the course
of a few minutes we had arranged terms &c. The
vessel was bound to the coast ports of the Gulf of
Mexico for mahogany, whither I had sailed so
many years before on my first voyage ; and as
the only reason she had for calling at Barbadoes
at all was to get orders where to proceed, we

304 WITH CHRIST AT SEA '
sailed the next day. I felt very pleased indeed.
The skipper, just promoted by circumstances, was
cheerful and companionable and sober ; the second
mate, although to my mind a little too chummy
with the skipper, was a good fellow enough ; the
crew were sturdy and willing sailor-men ; and so
the ship, taken all round, was as comfortable as
she could well be. Too comfortable, I am afraid,
for me ; for I said not a word about my pro
fession of Christianity when I first came on board,
and ever afterwards I found it impossible. Sailing
under false colours is always a risky as well as a
dishonest proceeding, and in this instance espe
cially it did me, spiritually, an immense amount of
harm. Not that I ever felt any desire to contract
myself out of the Lord's requirements ; but some
how the miserable fallacy was wrapping itself
about my heart that the Master's service was
bringing me always into trouble. I felt, as I know
so many have felt, that while the service of God
in the world was a glorious thing to die for, it was
not so glorious a thing to live for. It meant a
world full of enemies, misunderstandings and im
positions ; not, perhaps, so painful as the short
sharp agony of the stake and the torture-chamber,

CONCLUSION 305
but the long drawn-out suffering of continual
enmity and separation from one's kind. And the
subtle suggestion was constantly being made to
me, not from any tangible person, ' What is the
use of thus cutting yourself off from your kind
like this? What good does it do? Even those
good people ashore who preach at you and write
books to you, telling you what sort of life you
should lead, have no idea at all of your condition.
They have home and wife and family and friends
always at their hand. They lie warmly and
securely, they eat pleasantly and regularly, and all
the amenities of social life are theirs for the taking.
God does not expect, then, from you that you
should lead a life of martyrdom which can have
no possible good result. He wants you, as well as
those even-tempered teachers ashore, to have a
few of the pleasantnesses of life.' And so on.
The fallacies underlying all these thoughts were
dimly apparent, but only dimly, and gradually the
conviction forced itself upon me that I had been
trying to be righteous overmuch and doing harm
instead of good.
Had I only then met with someone who would
have persecuted me, scoffed at my Master and
Friend, and done despite to the Holy One I loved
X

3°6 WITH CHRIST AT SEA
with all my heart, it would have been good for me,
I think. But no ; I was allowed to drift a certain
distance— not too far — and to wet my pillow at
night with tears of repentance because I was not
living up to the high standard I believed to be
required of me by my loving Father. Ah me !
how little, after all the painful teaching I had
endured, did I yet know of Him !
Nothing of any notable interest took place
upon our passage down to Tonala. The days
glided by most smoothly ; the work went on with
out a hitch. But on our arrival within the bar of
Tonala River there was a change. The skipper
and the second mate, inseparable now, took to
making long excursions ashore, leaving me to
carry on the work. And after a day's ramble, or
a picnic, they would come on board, having invited
their friends from the other vessels, and expect me
to join them in an evening's carouse. This I could
not do, for two reasons. One was that I had no
taste or inclination for such affairs — that had all
been taken from me long ago ; the other was that
I felt my position very keenly as the first officer,
being thus placed with regard to the second. For
this is not merely a matter of wounded amour
popre ; it is an essential part of discipline, by the

CONCLUSION 307
maintenance of which alone is the due carrying
out of ship duties possible. The crew are quick
to note the smallest slight put upon an officer. If
they like him they resent it ; if they dislike him
they use it as a most efficient excuse for showing
the dislike which he is powerless to resent. I
merely mention this lest it should be thought that
the notice taken of what may be considered amongst
people in whose lives the maintenance of discipline
has no part, is evidence of thinness of skin or
morbid readiness to take offence.
However, I was determined to give no handle
to my commander for a quarrel ; so, resolutely
ignoring what was going on, I attended to my
work, tallying in the cargo of mahogany logs ; and
when cargo was delayed, keeping the vessel in
trim and scouring the creeks for stranded waifs in
the shape of log-ends that had broken adrift and
were ownerless. These were split up into dunnage
#ood and utilised for ' broken stowage,' i.e. filling
up interstices left in the hold by the ungainly
masses of timber refusing to accommodate them
selves to the curves of the ship. I got very little
chance to go ashore, and what little I did get I
seldom availed myself of ; for the place was
utterly devilish. There was not even the faint

308 WITH CHRIST AT SEA
semblance of religion usually found in South
American coast towns, for the wild outlaws who
peopled the place would not tolerate a priest
among them, and used to recount with glee the
treatment meted out to a venturesome monk who
did dare to come and attempt to pursue his minis
trations among them. They stripped him and set
him in the stocks beneath the burning sun for the
space of a whole day. When released, more dead
than alive, he was driven on board of a schooner
departing for Goatzocoalcos, and warned emphati
cally that on his next appearance there he would
be converted into dogs' meat.
It is surely needless for me to say that I was
glad when sailing day arrived. The last few days
of our stay were passed outside the bar, which did
not permit of us passing it fully laden, and the strain
upon me of getting those few remaining dozens of
logs on board without damage to the ship or my
men was considerable ; so that I gave a great
sigh of relief when the last log swung inboard
and we ran up our ' full ship ' flag. From that hour
I began to look across the wide sea homeward.
Now, while the skipper did not in the least
attempt to interfere with me in my working up the
ship's position from astronomical observations, and

CONCLUSION 309
allowed me the fullest access to the excellent pair
of chronometers we carried, he never allowed me
to compare my positions with his. He just looked
at them and nodded, or muttered something, ac
cording to his mood, but his work I never saw.
And I confess that I had a very strong feeling of
nervousness about that great reef whereon I had
been wrecked in my boyhood. So it was only
natural that as we neared its neighbourhood, by
my reckoning, I kept an extra vigilant outlook.
And one night when the smart craft was flying
along, with a quartering wind, under all canvas, at
the rate of eleven knots an hour, I was called at
midnight by the second mate as usual. But coming
on deck my nostrils at once detected the strong
' reef-smell,' and although I had just risen from a
sleep like that of the dead, I started aloft. Not a
moment too soon. I had no sooner reached the
foretopsail yard than I saw stretched out ahead
that awful fringing wreath of snowy breakers,
marking the presence of a coral reef. For a mo
ment I could hardly find my voice. Then moist
ening my lips, I shouted 'Lee forebrace, below
there ; keep her as high as she'll lie ! ' Up she swung
into the wind,, staggering like a stricken thing
under the now tremendous pressure of canvas ; and

3io WITH CHRIST AT SEA
as I saw that she pointed clear of the weather
corner of that death-trap, I said quietly up there in
the night, ' Thank God ! thank God ! '
Slipping downwards to the deck, I called the
skipper, who was, as may be supposed, dreadfully
alarmed. He went aloft immediately, and did not
come down again until we at last swung clear of
that terrible place and were once more able to
resume our homeward course.
Thenceforward we had no more trouble. After
a fairly good passage we entered Falmouth Har
bour, whither we were bound for orders, and after a
couple of days' stay, departed for Rotterdam, where
the crew were discharged and only the skipper and
myself remained behind. And here I had another
experience similar to that quoted by me in St.
John, N.B. As soon as the nature of our cargo be
came known, we were boarded by quite a crowd of
nondescript fellows, mostly Jews, whose one object
seemed to be the purchase of our dunnage wood.
One of these men thrust a 5/. note into my hand,
and upon my inquiring what his generosity meant,
told me that it was because he had taken a great
liking for me. He was, it was true, going to bid
for the mahogany dunnage wood, but he did not
wish me to bias the skipper in his favour at all.

CONCLUSION 311
Of course not ; only he begged me to accept his
little mark of regard. Well, the whole thing
seemed so fishy that I refused, much to his as
tonishment and chagrin. He went away, and I
saw no more of him until next day, when he came
up to me, and smiling sarcastically, said, ' Veil,
Meesder Mate, I haf puy de vood. Unt I tondt
gif more for him dan I expecdt to. Now eef yu
haf dake dat vife poundts yu vill be gladt unt I
vill be sorry. But yu are so [English adjective]
vool as not to dake him, zo I am gladt, unt yu ben
1
sorry, hein ! Pelief me, Meesder Mate, yu ben von
[English adjective again] jackass.'
I turned away, having nothing to say ; but
when, a few days after, I found that my share of the
proceeds of the wood, to which I was honestly and
rightfully entitled, had been divided by the skipper
between himself and the second mate, I was in
clined to believe that my Hebrew critic was really
not so wrong after all. And when the cargo was
all out, the skipper informed me that, although he
had no fault to find with me, his brother, who was
a mate, was out of a ship, 'and of course you
know a man must look after his own family.' So
I departed homeward, glad to escape for a few
days' domestic bliss and forget for a time the

312 WITH CHRIST AT SEA
necessity of going to sea under such conditions for
a living. One long voyage I made after that, and only
* one, before finally settling down ashore. But the
space allotted to me is gone, and even if I were to
recapitulate the details of that voyage, I fear that
in its likeness to the last one it would be somewhat
monotonous. Again I found no trace of Chris
tianity aboard. Again I found myself in a minority
of one ; and so, although taking my friendless posi
tion into consideration I had naught to complain
of on the ground of treatment, I was by no means
sorry when at the end of the voyage I found it
possible to quit the sea life altogether.
And if it should be thought that I have drawn
too gloomy a picture, and that the title of this book
should rightly have been ' Without Christ at Sea,'
I can only humbly reply that the incidents which
I have recorded are none of my choosing. I have
tried with all my soul to say without bias what I
remember of those days, in the mellowing light of
memory, and my earnest hope and prayer is that
some good may result.

Spoil is w oode & Co. Printers, New-street Square,Lon<bm.

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