490

(if I, 'X '¥)
THOMAS PAI N,

HE

J

Author ox the Seditious VVriltiii^s
ENTITLED -y--  -

IGHTS or
JfFRANCIS OLDYS.i-Jf.
Mi
of the University" of leruylvanx a .

I'>te? ««^/ imfiiav. "Ac- Aciay cue*:
sV ' ceiivc /c //if //if a// nsr/ionj u-ise ¦"

„¦ c THI TKATTH EDITION

L O N D O ^J";

I 1 II I «»

ADVERTISEMENT.

1 HE general reception of this authentic
and impartial Life has made a tenth edition
neceffary. This republication furnimes a proper op
portunity to correct fuch petty errors as are
the ufual effects of pamphlet-writing and
of pamphlet-printing. But, there were no
errors in the incidents of the life : the facts
had been diligently collected, and the cir-
cumftances were precifely ftated.
Mr. Pain has noticed the life in his
fecond part of Rights of Man : yet, however
urged by intereft, or quickened by fhame,
he has not controverted one affertion, he has
not explained one incident ; he has confirmed
fome fa&s, withoujt denying any: and, of
A, confe.-

( » )
cofifequence, he has admitted the tahok of
the following narrative to be true, which
indeed could not be difputed, without con
tradicting dates, and invalidating records.
But, his admirers have found an apology
for him, though he could find none for him-
felf. What fignifies the profligacy of his
character, fay they, if he write a good
book? In all difputes your if is a word of
wonderful accommodation. Before we can,
however, determine, whether a book be good,
or not, we always make fome neceflary in
quiries. The moment we take up a volume,
we aflc, Who is the author, that we may
judge of his purpofe from his character ;
whether he write as a cool difquifitor, or a
furious incendiary : If it be a hiftory, we
inquire as to the veracity of the hiftorian,
that we may be fatisfied how far we can truft
him : if it be a political treatife, we alfo afk,
if the writer have probity, that 'we may be
convinced, whether he mean to inform, or
delude.

'( iii )
delude. Now, Mr. Pain's writings are partly
hiflorical, and partly .difquifitive. Of con
sequence, the following narrative will fur-
nifh anfwers to all thofe previous inquiries ;
thereby enabling the reader, as it probably
enabled the Jury, to determine, whether
the author b>, an honeft man, who means
well, or an utter profligate, who intends mif-
chief j and whether his books, either as to
their tendency, or their execution, merit the
approbation, or the contempt of the reader ;
the fhelf of the philofopher, or the faggot of
the hangman.
The univerfal voice of the country has
finally determined with the Jury, who tried
him, that Pain and his books are proper
objects of the people's indignation, and the
hangman's faggots.

A 2 THE

H,is,iiAi;,,,^*j.iJi

THE

E

OF

THOMAS PA.IN,
&:c. &x. Sec.

T has been eftablifhed by the reiterated fuffrage
of mankind, that the lives of thofe perfons,
who have either performed ufeful anions, or ne
glected eflential duties, ought to be written for
examples to the paffing age, and publifhed for the-
inftruftion of future times.
Few men have exhibited a life more worthy of
this notice, either as ap example to be avoided by-
the prefect, or as a leffon to be learned by after
ages, than the character, whofe actions we are now
to relate, and whofe writings we are about to review>
The

S THE LIFE OF
defrayed chiefly, by his father, with fome afliftance
from' his mother's relations. He was deemed a
lharp boy, of unfetded application ; but he left no
performances which denote juvenile vigour, or un
common attainments. His ftudies were directed,
by his expectations, to what is ufeful, more than to
what is ornamental : to reading, writing, and cy
phering, which are fo commodious to tradefmeh,
rather than to claffical knowledge, which is fo de
corous in gentlemen. With fuch inftrudlion, he
left the fchool, at the age of thirteen, in order to
learn his father's trade. The bufinefs of a Hay
maker he never liked, nor indeed any occupation,
which required attentive diligence and Heady ef
fort. He, however, worked on with his father,
fitting flays for the ladies of Thetford, during five
years, except for a fhort while that he laboured
with a coufin, in making bodices for the girls of
Shipdam, ia the county of Norfolk *. But though
he had thus been educated, according to the re-
* He indeed tells himfelf [Rights, partii. p. 91] what fu rely
cannot be true, " That when little more than fixteen years of
age, I entered on board the Terrible privateer, Capt. Death."
He was certainly born on the 29th of January, 1736-7: He
was, of courfe, fixteen on the 29th of January, 17J3. But,
the war was not declared againft France till the 17th of May,
1^756, when he had entered into his twentieth year. The Ter
rible was fitted out probably in the fummer of 1756, and was
certainly captured in January 1757. Thefe faas evince how-
little Pain is to be trufted, when he does-pretend to give a paf-
fage of ids own life.
I comment

THOMAS PAIN. 9
commendation of Mr. Locke j though a trade be
better than houfe and landj yet the trade, and
houfe, and land, are of no avail, if the perfon have
no moral1 reftitude, nor any heedful induftry.
At the age of nineteen, and in the year 1756,
Pain adventured to London, the common recep
tacle of the filly and the wife, of the needy and the
Opulent, of the bufy and the idle. In this crowd,
which confounds the greateft with the leaft, Pain
cannot be diftinguifhed. It is, however, known,
that he worked for fome time with Mr. Morris, a
very rioted ftay-maker, in Hanover-ftreet, Long-
Acre ; making flays for the London ladies.
He was after awhile prompted by his refllefihefs,
to look for new profpefts at Dover, in 1758. For
almofl a twelvemonth Pain worked with Mr.
Grace, a refpeftable flay-maker in that ancient
cinque-port. Meantime, Mifs Grace either won
the heart of Pain, or Pain attempted to win the
heart of Mifs Grace. And the father was thereby
induced to lend him ten pounds, in order to .enable
our adventurer to fet up as a mafler flay-maker at
Sandwich. , Yet is it certain, that he neither mar
ried the lady, nor repaid the loan, though Mr.
Grace be ftill alive; and in no opulent circum
stances, to reclaim the debt.
At Sandwich he fettled with that defign in April,
1759. Biographers have been diligent todifcover
in what houfes famous men had lived at particular
period's of their depreflion, or their elevation. Of
i 3 Pain

:» THE LIFE'OF
Pain it can be only related, that he lodged with
the widow. Fifher in the fifh-market. The well-
known antiquary of this ancient port has at length
determined, that he was not. the firfb who had here
ufed, the myftery of flay-making. It. is, however,
certain, that he praftifed other arts. There is a
tradition, that in his lodging he collected a con
gregation, to whom he preached, as an indepen
dent, or a methodift. He alfo exercifed his poetic
talents.. He wrotfe a fhort poem on a perfon in
gaol, who was reftoied to life and. reafon, after he-
had attempted felf-de-ftrueltion. This unpyblifhed-
poem, which was corre&ed and improved by a
perfon.of much more judgment than the, author,
began in the following manner : - ,;
" With Liberty, each human pleafure dies ; ¦
" All joy, all comfort, with the goddefs ¦flie*.*."
While thus occupied, he becarrie enamoured of
the perfon, or the property, -of Mary Lambert, the
waiting woman of- the wife of Richard Solly, an
eminent woollen-draper at Sandwich. Mary Lam
bert, who is flill praifed by her own fex as a pretty'.
girl of ¦ modeft behaviour, Pain: married on the ¦
27th of September, 1759 f.. Sne was- the daugh-1
ter of James Lambert, who, wkh-his -wife Mary-,'
: came
*' This poem, in its corre&ed ftate, is iff the hands of the
writer of this life. . ... . • •  .-;[' 1
+ In the church regifter. there is the following- entry,:--
Thomas Pain, of the paxifh of St. Peter's, in the .town of Sand
wich* ih'Kerit/bachclor, and Mary Lambert, ofthe fame pa-
~ riihj'

THOMAS PAIN. i,
came to Sittingbourrie, as an excifeman, fome
time before the year 1736 ; and who/was foon after
difmifled for mifcondufl. On this difmiflal he
fet up a fhop, but made greater gains by afting as
bum-bailiff of Sittingbourne: yet he died in bad
circumftances, on the 24th of May, 1753*5 his
wife dying about the fame time, in a mad-houfe.
The women of Sandwich, to this hour, exprefs
their furprife, that fo fine a girl Jhould have married
fo old a fellow : yet, Mary was only a little more
than twenty-one \ ; while Thomas had only pafTed
twenty-two. The ia£t is, that our adventurer has
always appeared to female eyes a dozen years older
than he was, owing to the hardnefs of his features,
or to the fears of difeafe.
Marriage is the great epoch of a man's life.
Pain was now to maintain his wife and family by
his traded The tradition of Sandwich flill repeats,
that he expedted a fottune oh his marriage, which
he never found. In expectation there are doubt-
lefs degrees of companion. A man beginning
rilh, fpinfter, were married in this church, by licence, this 27th
day of Sept. 1759, by me William Bunce, Reftor.
In the prefence of
Thomas Taylor, Thomas Pain,
Maria Solly, Mary Lambert.
John1 Joslin.
* The Pariih Regifter of Sittingbourne, of that date. -
+ Mary, the daughter of James and Mary Lambert, was bap
tized on the ift of January, 1738, See the pariih regifter of
Sittingbourne, B 2 life,

iz T H E L I F E O F
life, as a flay-maker, oh ten pounds of borrowed
money, has other hopes and other fears, than men
of vaft wealth and unbounded expeftancy. He
certainly was difappointed both in his pleafure and
his profit : and disappointment has a fad effect on
the human conftitution. Two months had hardly
elapfed, when Pain's ill ufage of his wife be
came apparent to the whole town, and excited
the indignation of fome, with the pity of others.
Influenced by the genuine goodnefs of the. Englifh
character, Mrs. Solly relieved the diflrefTes of her
old favourite with conftant f<|Hcitude. This un
happy couple did hot live long in comfortlefs
lodgings. , He took the houfe of Mrs. Rainier,
next the Board-yard, on Dolphin key, without
being able to furnifh it. Mr. Rutter, a reputable
upholfterer of Sandwich, fupplied him with fuch
furniture as he wanted. But ic ere long appeared,'
that our adventurer defired relief as much as he
wifhed for refidence. And being embarraffed with
debts, and goaded by duns, he was thus obliged to
depart in the night between the feventh and eighth
of April, 1760, from Sandwich, with his wife, to
Margate ; carrying with him the flays of a cuflo-
mer, a flove of his houfe, and other articles. At
, Sandwich he left a bad character, which has come
down to the prefent times ; and has induced the
^inhabitants to remark, that not a fingle anecdote
of him is remembered, which is fevourable to his
moral chafafter, , . At

THOMAS PAIN. i3
At Margate he fold by auction the furniture,
which Mr. Rutter had fupplied him on credit; the
flays being recovered by a timeful claim. Our
adventurer, we fear, committed on this occafion an
old crime, which has now a new name. In Henry
Vlllth's days, he who obtained another's property
by falfe tokens, was punifhed, by pillory, as a cheat.
In George lid's reign, as the law now is, perfons con
victed of obtaining goods by falfe pretences, were
to be tranfported, as fwindlers. Had Pain been in
dicted at the Old Bailey, he might have infifled, as
he now4, infills, that the laws of England did not
exift. The court would have probably fent him
to Bedlam, or to Bridewell; or have proceeded
with the trial, and adjudged the guilty culprit to
the colonies, or the cart's tail. Whether die laws
of Great-Britain actually exifl is not a theory to
be debated, but a fact to be acknowledged : and
he who denies the exiftence of thofe objects, which
with, his fenfe's he perceives, is not fo much a de-
claimer to be confuted, as a madman to be con
fined, or a cheat to be corrected.
When our adventurer had fettled his various
affairs at Margate, he once more mingled with the '
crowds of London. Of the fate of his wife, ru
mour has fpoken varioufly. By fome fhe is faid
to have perifhed on the road of ill ufage, and a
premature birth. The women, of Sandwich are
pofitive, that fhe died in the Britifh Lying-in Hof-
pital, in Brownlow-ftreet, Long-acre; but the re-
gifler

'i4 THE LIFE OF
gifter of this charity, which is kept with commen
dable accuracy, evinces, that fhe had not been re
ceived into this laudable refuge of female wretched -
nefs*. And there are others, who have convinced
tliemfelves by diligent enquiry, that fhe is flill
alive, though the extreme obfCurity of her retreat
prevents ready difcovery. The trials, which Pain
had made of his trade, as they had brought him
no pkafure and little gain, induced him to re
nounce it at this time for ever. When a youth,'
. he had inquired into the duty, and envied the per-
quifites, of an excifeman. His wife -had, doubt-
lefs, fpokeh-of the honours and emoluments of her
deceafcd father. And he was induced by thefe
confiderations, in July, 176.1, to feek for fhelter
in his father's houfe, that he might profecute in
quiet privacy, at Thetford, the great object of his
future, courfe.
. ' After fourteen months of fludy and trials, Pain
was eftablifhed in the excife, on the ift of Decem
ber, 1762, at the age of twenty-five. He owed
this gratification of his willies'" to the friendly inter
ference of Mr. Cockfedge, the learned recorder of
Thetford. He. was immediately fent, as a fuper-
numerary, to gage the brewer's cafks at Grantham ;
* A diligent fearch in the books of the London Ljing-in Nof.
fital,. ia the City Road, found no fuch perfon as Miftrefs Pain
to have died in it, during the years 1760, or 1 761 : Nor, is it
true, as hath been positively afterted in the newspapers, that
$ie is now living in the work -houfe of St. George's, Southwark. and

THOMAS PAIN. i j
and^on the 8th of Augufl,/ 1764, he was' employed,
to watch the fmugglers of Alford. Whether,
while he thus walked.as a fupernumerary at Gran
tham, or rode as an excifeman at Alford, his prac
tices had been mifreprefented by malice, or his dif-
honefly had been detected by watchfulnefs, tradi
tion has not told us: but, it is certain, that he was
difmifled from his office, on the 27th. of Auguft,
1765. Our adventurer, who appears to have had from
nature no defire of accumulation, or rather no care
of the future, was now reduced to extreme wretch-
ednefs. , He was abfolutely without food, without
raiment, and without fhelter. Bad, however, muft
that man be, who finds no friends in London. He
met with perfons, who, from difinterefled kindnefs,
gave him clothes, money, and lodging. Thus he
lived till the nth of July, 1766, when he was
reftored to the excife., .But. mere refloration did
not bring ;him prefent employment. And he was
about, the fame time obliged to enter into the fcr-
vice of Mr. Noble, who kept the great Academy
in Leman-ftreet, Goodman's-fields, at a lalary of
twenty pounds a year, with five pounds for finding
his own lodging. Here he continued, teaching
Englifh, and walking out ,with the children, till
Chriftmas, 1766, difliked.by the miftrefs, who yet
remjembers him, and hated by the boys, who were-
terrified by his harfhnefs. During this period, he
lodged with one Oliver, a hair-dreffer, in White- chapel,

i6 THE LIFE OF
chapel, who flill recollects him. Mr. Noble re-
linquifhed Pain, without much regret, to Mr.
Gardner, who then taught a reputable fchpol at
Kenfington :. yet, owing to whatever caufe, he here
acted as ufher only the three firft months of 1767.
Pain's defire of preaching now returned on him :
but applying to his old maflrer for a certificate of
his qualifications to the bifhop of London, Mr.
Noble told him, that fince he was only an Englifh
fcholar, he could not recommend him as a proper
candidate for ordination in the church. Our ad-
venturery however, determined to perfevere in his?
purpofe, without regular orders. And he preached
in Moorfields, and in various populous places in
England, as he was urged by his neceflities, or
directed by his fpirit. The text, which fo empha
tically inculcates, meddle not with them that are
given to change, we may eafily fuppofe,he fuper-
fisially explained, or feldom enforced.
The feene ere long fhifted : and Pain was at
, length to play an old part on a new flage. In
March, 1768, he was fent, after fome delays, to
be exeife-officer at Lewes, in Suffex. He now
went to Todge with Mr. Samuel Ollive, a tobacco-
nift and fhop^keeper of fair repute, in Lewes: but
he feems to have learned no practical leflbnsJ from
his former diftrefs. At the age of thirty o'ne he
was rather ambitious to fhine as a. jolly fellow among
his private companions, to whom, however, he
expofed a temper, obflinate and overbearing, than
8 10

THOMAS PAIN. 17
fo be confidered by his official fuperiors as ah ex-
cifeman, remarkable for diligence and fidelity :
and fuch was his enterprize on the water, and his
intrepidity on the ice, that he became known by
the appellation of commodore. He lived on, fuf--
pected as an excifeman, and unbeloved as a friend,
with Samuel, pilive till his death, in July, 1769.
This worthy tobacconift died rather in bad circurrj-
ftances, leaving a widow, one daughter, and feveral
fons, who, have proipered as induftrious citizens,
and are refpected as honeft menP Our adventurer,
attempting to retain fome of the effects of the de-
eeafed, was turned out of the houfe by Mr. At-
terfoL, the executor, with fuch circumflances, as
Implied diftruft of his integrity. He found his
way, however, into the houfe of Ollive, in 177c,
by mean,s of the widow and the daughter, who,
doubtlefs, looked on him with other eyes. He
opened ere long the fhop, in his own name, as a
grocer, and on his own behalf continued to work
the tobacco.Tmill of Olfive, however contrary both
, the fhop and the mill were to the maxims of the
excife. Such was his addrefs? or his artifice, thas
(though he had promoted the buying of fmuggled
tobacco, he was able, for fevefal years, to cover his
^ practices, and to retain his protector.
The year 1771 forms one ofthe happy periods
.of his life. At the age of thirty-four he married
Elizabeth Ollive, the daughter ofhis old landlord,
C who

18 THE LIFE OF
who was eleven years younger than himfelf*, andr
who was a woman of fuch accomplifhments, as to
attract men of higher rank and greater delicacy.
Pain had, however, gained her affections; and fhs
would have him, contrary to the advice of Mr,
Atterfol, her father's friend, and to' the remon-
flrances of her own relations. This marriage began
inaufpicioufly, and ended unhappily. Before our
adventurer could have obtained his marriage-
licenfe, he fwore that he was a bachelor, when he
knew, that he was a widower, if indeed his firfl
wife were deceafed f . As to the fanclion of an
oath, he had learned that commodious maxim of
the celebrated moralift : — " That he who made,
" and forc'd it, broke it ; not he, that for conve-
" nience took it." Pain was, on this occafion,
inftrumental too, with his understanding clear, and
his eyes opened, in entering on thev regifter that he
* The following entry appears on the parifh regifter of St,
Michael, in Lewes: — Thomas Pain, bachelor, and Elizabeth-
Ollive, fpinfter, were married in this church, by licenfe, the
26th of March, 1771. By me, -Roe e«t Austen, Curate.
Witneffes, (Signed)
Henry Verrall. Thomas Pain.
Thomas Ollive. Elizabeth Ollive.
+ It is a very remarkable facl, that the marriage affidavits,
within the diftrift of Lewes, during 1771, the year of Pain's
marriage, mould be miffing; yet, that the marriage affidavits,
during 1 770 and 1 772, mould be fafe. Whether this lofs hap
pened by defign; or accident, we will not conjecture, though
we think the coincidence rather extraordinary. was

THOMAS PA I ST. t$
was a bachelor, though he knew he was a widower.
Now, the Marriage-act, which fome confider as
an infringement of men's rights and women's
rights, declares it to be felony, without benefit of
clergy, wilfully to make a falfe entry on the regif
ter, with intention to defeat the falutary purpofes
of recording truth,' difcriminating characters, and
afcertaining property.
After thefe viciffitudes of fortune, and thofe Va
rieties of fame,* Pain commenced public writer in
1771. The electors of New Shoreham had lately
afted in fuch a manner, as to attract parliamentary
notice, and even to incur parliamentary disfran-
chifement. "A new election was at length to be
held, not fo much in a new manner, as on new
principles. The poets Of Lewes were called upon
by the candidate of faireft pretenfions, to furnifh
an election fong. Our poet obtained the laurel,
with three guineas for his pains. It may, then,
be doubted, whether it be flrictly true, what Pain
aflerted, in his news-paper altercations, in 1779,
that till the epoch of his Common Senfe, he had
never publifhed a fyllable.
If the diflributing of printed papers be publica
tion, it will foon appear, that Pain had not been
quite innocent of publishing, in England. He
had rifen, by fuperior energy, more than by greater
honefly, to be a chief among the excifemen. A
defign was formed by the excife officers throughout
the kingdom, to apply to Parliament for a confi-
C 2 deration

so THE LIFE OF
deration of the ftate of their falaries. A common
contribution was made for the common benefit.
And our author engaged to write their Cafe, which
he produced, after many months labour, in 1772.
This is an octavo pamphlet of twenty-one pages,
which, exclufiveof The' Iritroduftkn, is divided into
two heads ; The State of the Salary 'of the Officers of
Excife ¦, Thoughts on the Corruption, arifmg from the
Poverty of Excife Officers. On thefe topics he fays
all that the ableft writer could have faid. Truth
indeed eafily Aides into the mind, without the af-
fiftance of ability, or the recommendation of arti
fice. But, if Pain's maiden pamphlet be infpected
by critical malignity, it will be found, like his
maturer writings, to abound in the falfe grammar '
of illiterature, and the falfe thoughts of inexpe
rience. Vigour of fentiment and energy of man
ner will not be denied him. His firfl pamphlet
will be confidered as his belt performance by all
thofe, who regard truth as fuperior to falfehood,
modefly to impudence, and jufl complaint to fac
tious innovation*
Four thoufand of The Cafe were printed by Mr.
William Lee, of Lewes, in 1772* But even the
copies, which were intended for the Members of
Parliament, were not all diftributed. Our author
On that otcafion wrote a letter, concerning the Not~
tingham officers, which was printed on a folio fheet ;
«nd to thefe he added another letter, enforcing his
cafe,

THOMAS PAIN. ar.
cafe, on a folio page. Yet, all thefe efforts ended
in nc application to Parliament, though Pain
buflled in London, through the winter of 1773.
A rebellion ofthe excifemen, who feldom have the
populace on their fide, was not much feared by
their fuperiors. The excifemen could only re
proach our author for receiving their money, with
out Obtaining them redrefs. And of Pain, who
employed him, the printer complained, that he
had not been paid for printing, though much had
been contributed, and little had been fpent. This
is a memorable inftance how eafily men may be
led on to complain of their prefent fituation, with
out any other fuccefs, than making their fubfequent
condition worfe than their firfl.
Thofe were not our adventurer's only cares.
With the year 1774 misfortunes crouded fail upon
him. He is one of thofe characters, who, as they
attend more to other men's affairs than their own,
are frequently diftinguifhed, in the world, by a
fuccefiion of rhisfortunes. His inattention to
his fhop ere long left him without a fhop to at
tend. Difficulties foon brought on diflrefs; and
diftrefs drove him to do what flrict hofiefty did
not abfolutely warrant. He made a bill of fale of
his whole effects to Mr. Whitfield, a reputable
grocer at Lewes, who was his principal creditor j
and who, feeing no hope of payrhent from his con-
ftant irregularities, took-poffeffion of the p'remifes, which

22 THE LIFE 6 F
which he difpofed of as his own, in April 1774*,
The other creditors', thinking themfelves outwitted
by Whitfield* and cheated by Pain, let loofe the ter
riers ofthe law upon him. ' Like other hunted ani
mals, our adventurer ran for refuge to the White-
horfe-inn, in the cock-loft of which he lay, with
out bedding, and but for the female fervant,,had
been, without food, till Sunday fet him free.' Alas !
how often do men enjoy the greateft benefits from
Ehe,inftitutions of religion and the roles of fociety,
without reflecting, that in the firft alone is their
hope, in the fecond only is their fafety !
Troubles feldom come without fome previous
mifconduct. He had long been known at Lewes
ss an officer, inattentive, if not unfaithful., He
had fbmetimes condefcended, for the purpofe of
concealment, te drink a bottle with the examiner f.
But,
* Mr. Whitfield, by publifhing the ' following advertifernent,
rapofed to the whole town of Lewes, the defperate ftate of his
debtor's circumftances : " To be f&ld by auction, on Th'urfday
«• the 14th of April, and following day, all the houfehold fur-
" suture, ftock. in trade, and o~ther effefts, of Thomas Pain,
«« grocer an^ tobacconift, near the Weft Gate, in Lewes : Alfo,
** a horfe-tobacco and fnuff-mill, with all the utenfils for cut-
«« ting of tobacco, and grinding of fnuff ; and two unopened
«.» crates of cream-coloured ftone ware."
•i As every ftrap of a great writer is interefting to the eu-
»et»s, we have preferved the fubjoined extrafi: of a letter from
oar author to a fuperior excife officer, dated at Lewes, the 24th
of March, 1774: ;«« Dear

THOMAS PAIN. sj
But, the eagle-eyes of the excife were not to be
blinded by bottles. With the watchfulriefs, and
jealoufy, which make the excife the neateft col-
¦ leflor, at the' fmalleft rate, his fu'periors had for
fome time beheld him, dealing as a grocer in ex-
cifeable articles., as a grinder of fnuff buy ing Smug
gled tobacco; at others conniving,1n order to con
ceal himfelf. He was therefore difmiffed from
the excife, after a dozen years fervice, on the 8th
-of April 1774. He petitioned for reftorationc but,
fuch was his notorioufnefs, that his patron was un-
.Jfcble to protect him.
What had been feen at Sandwich of his conju*
gal tyranny was ere long obferved at Lewes. Such ¦
was thejneeknefs of his wife that fhe fullered pa
tiently : but as his embarraflments did not mollify
a temper, which is from nature harfh ; as his fubor-
dination to others did not foften his treatment of
inferiors, from neglect of his wife, he proceeded
to contumely; from contumely he went on to
cruelty ; when, being no longer able to fupport his
, repeated beatings, fhe complained to her friends.
" Dear Sir,
" I have requefted Mr. Scott to put yc 3d and 4th rd. books
*' for 74 under examination, for as I was in London almoft all
" laft winter, I have no other, which have any bufinefs^n them
" — Requeft die favour (if not too inconvenient) to inquire
" and inform me when they are ordered— and if you can find
" out the examiner, dejirc you tuill drink a bottle or tiuo of •wine
" 'with him — T mould like the character to go in as fair as it
" can." She

«4 THELIFE OF
She at length, told, that at the, end of three and
a half year's cohabitation, their marriage had never
been confummated. Pain faid in his juftification,
if fuch bafenefs can admit of any, " that he mar-
" ried for prudential reafons ; and abftained for
*' prudential reafons." Alas! are the rights of
men, the boaft of the new philofophy, to fubfift
thus in perfonal convenience, which difregards
folemn engagements, and contemns the rights of
others ! On the 24th of May, 1774. P^n and his
wife entered into articles of feparation, Which were
Ikilfully drawn by Mr. Jofias Smith, a moft re^
fpeftable attorney of Lewes ; fhe engaging to pay
ber hufband thirty-five pounds ; and he promifing
to claim no part of whatever goods fhe might gain
in future^
Our adventurer immediately hid hlrnfelf in the
obfcurities of London. But, though he was un-,
feen, he was not ina&iye ; he contrived to difcover
his wife's retreat inthe houfe of her benevolent bro^
ther, who, tho' he had difapproved of her marriage,
now fheltered her diftrefs. The hufband found no
difficulty in difquieting his wife's repofe. He dif-
puted the articles of feparation, which he had re
cently executed with fuch iblemnity. She was, in
this manner, induced to enter into new articles of
feparation on the 4th of June, 1774, which amount
ed to a declaration on his part, that he no longer
found a ¦ wife a convenience ; and on her part, that
fhe had too longfuffmd the miferies of fuch a hufband, Neither

THOMAS PAIN. 2$
Neither the bankruptcy, nor difmiflal from of
fice, nor feparation from his wife; weakened Pain's
ftrong intereft with the late George Lewis Scott,
who had been appointed a cOmmiffioner of excife
in 1758-; and who, having been firft attracted by
the cafe of the excifemenj was afterwards captivated
by the foftnefs of his manner± which concealed the
harfhnefs of his fpirit; When his patroni whofe
literature is remembered, while his benevolence is
forgotten, could notj for the third tirriej obtain our
author's reftoratioh as an officer of excife, he re
commended him ftrongly to that great man Dr.
Benjamin Franklin* as a perfon who could, at that
epoch, be ufeful in America. The Doftor, hav
ing recently felt the mortification of difmiffion him
felf, was fuppofed to be a man, who was fofteried
by his fuffering. And he was thus induced to give
Pain a recommendatory letter to Mr. Richard
Beech, a wine merchant in Philadelphia, who had
married Sarah, the doctor's natural daughter, and
an introdu&ory epiftle to governor Franklin of
the Jerfeys* prOpofing Pain as ah ufhei; to a fchool.
Our adventurer, having in this manner been obliged,
by his mifeonduct and difhonefty* to give up his
country, fet fail in September 1774, for Pennfyl-
' Vania, where tumult then reigned triumphant ;
where the bufy might find employment, and the
idle aflbciates ; the bafe concealment, and the brave
applaufCi P Meantime

35- T H E L 1 F E O f
Meantime, rumour carried to our adventurer's-
mother, reprefehtations of his latter life, which were
probably exaggerated by enmity, or miftated by-
malice.- She certainly felt, that a child's ingra
titude is fharper than a ferpent's tooth. She was
almoft diffracted by her feelings ; and fhe regretted
with a woman's fympathy, that the wife, whofe
character had defied enquiry, and whofe amiable-
nefs deferved efteem, fhould be tied for life to the
worft of hufbands *. Our
^ * We fubjoin the following letter from Pain's mother to his
wife; not only for its own merit, but becaufe It ascertains his
identity, and iHirftfates his character. 1ietfordtNorfoii^2-]th-jtulyr 1774.
" Dear Daughtefy . .
*• I muft beg leave to trouble your with rir/ enquiries- con*
** cerning my unhappy" fon and your huflrand: various are ther
** reports,* the which I firid c'oirie originally from the Excife-
rt office. Such' as his vile' treatment to you,- his- feeredng op-
" wards of 30I. intruftecfwitli.hini to manage the petition for
" advance of falary ; and that/ fince his* difcharge, he have pe-
" titioned to be reftored, which was rejected with fcorn. Since'
" which I am told he have left' England.- To all which I beg
• " youll be kind enough to anfwerine by due courfe of pbft.— •
" You'll not be a link -furprized styaj fo'ftrongly defirisg to
" know what's become of him after 1 repeat to yqu his unda-
" tiful behaviour to the tendereft of parents;, he never afked ot
" us any thing, but what was granted, that were in our poor
" abilities to do ; nay, even diftreffed ourfelVes, whofe work*
" are given over by old age, to let him have 20I. orrbond'^and-
." every ;Otfter tender mark a parent could- poffibfy flie* a
" child; his ingratitude, or rather- want of duty,, has been fuch,,
« that

THOMAS PAIN, * j
Our adventurer arrived fafely at Philadelphia, in
November 1774, a few months, as he recounts
himfelf, before the battle of Lexington, in ApriL
j 775*. He of courfe prefented his recommen
datory letter to Mr. Beech; but, it was Pain's
misfortune, that he correfponded afterwards with his
|>atron more by writing. than by perfonal intercourfe.
And Mr. Beech wrote to Governor Franklin, to
whom Pain had not prefented his credentials, that
though Mr, Pain might make a goodN ufher, he
would make a bad clerk; as he could not fpell.
He was thus difappointed in his hopes from Dr,
Franklin's recommendation : and his firft employ
ment, in the new world, was in the ftation of fhop-
man to Mr. Aitkin,, a very induftrious bookfeller,
in Philadelphia, at twenty pounds a year. He,
who was born to illuminate the weftern hemifphere
' by his fires, was for fome months engaged in re-
failing politics by the pennyworth, and carrying par
eels by the dozen. It fhews the ftrength of his
.character, and the perturbation of the country, that
«.* that he havje not wrote to me upwards of two years. — If the
." above account be true, I am heartily forry, that a woman)
« whofe character and amiablenefs deferves the gieateft refpedl.
" lave, and efteem, as I have always on enquiry been informed
" your's did, mould be tied for life to the worft of huftands. — .
** I am, dear daughter/ your affe&ionate mother,
F. PAIN."
" P. S. For God's, fake, let me have ypur anfwer, as I am,
ff almoft diftracted."
? Aim. Rsmemb. 1778-0, r5ag, 319*
D% he

3g THE LIFE OF
he fhould have fpeedily rifen from the ihopm.an to
the ftatefman ; from being the diftributer of ftar.
tionary, to be the difmemberer of provinces.
From the fhop he went into the laboratory, in
November 1775, in order to furnifh the Congrefs;
with faltpetre, when foreign fupplies were flopped,
and domeftic refources were doubtful. He, at
this crifis, employed his fertile genius in making ex
periments for the purpofe of fixing on fome eafy,
cheap, and expeditious method of making faltpetre.
He propofed the plan of a faltpetre affociation, for
voluntarily fupplying the public magazines with
gunpowder *. He thus evinced to the approv
ing Gongrefs, that he could furnifh other inftru-
ments of independence than the pen. November
1775 was an anxious period, when every hand was
at work, and Pain with his plan ran about among
the Philadelphians, like a giant among pigmies.
'The great, the important day, at laft arrived^
when our author was to difpel the lowering clouds
by his refulgence, to illuminate the new world by
his fun, to invigorate by his brighter beams, and
to direct by his fuperior luftre. On the ioth of
January, 1776, was publifhed Common Sense, an
octavo pamphlet of fixty-three pages j. This dif-

* Pennfyl. Journal, Nov. 2zi. 1775.
tin the Pennfylvania Journal, dated the ioth of January,
1776, there is the following ad vertifement : " This day was
*'¦ Vri$&&&> and is now felling by Robert Bell, in Third-ftreet,
" [Philadelphia,]

THOMAS BAIN. *g
tjuifition opens with a political difcovery, which
had efcaped the fagacity of Sydney, and eluded th$
underftanding of Locke: "That fociety and go
vernment are not only different, but, have different
origins ; that fociety is a good, and government an
evil." This inflammatory nonfenfe was not heard,
however, without a fatisfactory anfWer. Society, it
was faid, is the union of man for the fafety of indi
viduals ; happinefs is the end of this union ; and go-?
vernment is the means for the attainment of this end:
Now, if you remove the means, either in practice,
pr in argument, you at the fame time deftroy the
end; and if you defeat the end, you thereby difTolve
the union. Government and fociety, being thus
parts of one whole, and being thus directed to the
fame end, have the fame origin, and cannot without
each other exift. In this manner, was Pain's
. Common Sense plainly converted into Non-sense.
It was Cato *, our pamphleteer's moft formidable
antagonift, who argued thus with all the fententiouf-
nefs and authority of his great precurfor in the
Roman flate. But Cato did hot fufficiently attend
to Pain's purpofe; who intended then, as he has al-
'f [Philadelphia,] price two millings, Common Senfe, addreffed
*' to the inhabitants of North-America." As there was no
previous advertifement, this circumftance fixes the date of the
publication, which hiftorians haye raiftaken,
* Cato was William Smith, D. D. the preiident of the col
lege of Phijadelphia, who was countenanced and affifted by
fome of the ableft members of the firft Congrefs. He was a
veteran writer of eflabliihed praftice, ., ways

30 .THE LIFE g|
ways done, more to mifreprefent than to reafon ;
more to deceive than to convince : and his defign
led him naturally to feparate fociety from govern
ment, and to declare fociety to be always a good,
but government even of the beft form to be everjj
where an evil *.
Whatever may be the value of the inflammatory
nonfenfe of Pain, either in theory or in praftice, it
was afterwards ftolen by the Abbe Raynal, one of
the metaphyfical ftatefmen of the age, who writes
hiftory, as men take cathartics, for the pleafure of
evacuation f, The Abbe did not confider the im
morality of appropriating to himfelf what belonged
to another : perhaps he regarded it as one pf the
rights of men, to adopt kindly, what he faw flrug-
gling for reception into the republican world.
Pain however, reclaimed his goods, and by plain.
collation proved his property J, and convicted the
culprit. Yet, as there are men who doubt their
own exiftence, fo were there fceptics who difputed*
whether this nonfenfe were a difcovery either, of
Raynal, or of Pain. The doubtifts produced a
pafiage from an eminent lawyer of the laft cen
tury, who wrote with the precifion of profe, yet.
with the neatnefs of poetry :
* In p. i, and through the whole feftion, which treats of'ASp
Origin and Defign of Government.
+ In the Revolution of America, by Abb.e Raynal, p. 33,
I By his Letter ta Abbs Raynal, p. $S, Sec, «f~— rBioKesj

3'

-rfw

THOMAS PAl'ifj,
" -  Broken laws are ne'er the worfe ;
" Nay, till they're broken have no forceir
" What's Juftice to a man, or Laws,
•* That never comes within their claws ?
«-' They have no power but to admonim,
'* Cannot controul, coerce or punifh,
" Until they're broken; and then touch
" Thofe only that do make them fuch/'
"Whether Cato difdained to pull down the fuper-
ftructure after he had deftroyed the foundation,
may be inferred, but cannot be difcovered. He
certainly- infifted through feveralpapers *, that he
who treats the heft, government as an 'evil, may be
allowed to affert, "that the conftitutioti of Eng
land, being 'an union of three "powers * recipro-
" cajly cheeking each other,; is farcical ;*' that* he
who pronounces, " that nO power which "heeds
" checking can be from God f," may be permit
ted to tell how " government fey kings is " the
"moft profperous invention^the devil ever fat on
*c foot for the promotion of idolatry;" that he,
whofe purpofe' is to pleafe the low, may eaflfyrrf-
fiilt the' high; that be, who feldom reafons,^ may
often railj and that he, whofe defign is to. diffblve
fociety, may ,practife -any means. All -this Pain
, did not 4iear. patiently. The flay-maker attacked
'the fcholar through the channel ofthe fame newf-
Jpaper, under the title of A Forrefter %. The onfet
* In the Pennsylvania "Journal, t PageS.^ ^° s ' i
% In the Pennfylvania Journal, fne' firft Forrefter was pub-
. Eftiedore the third of April, 1776;. and the'4th~Euayi"*li-ci»
^ha the M„ appeared on the &th of May, 1776,
9 m

3* THE LIFE OF
was furious, and the victory doubtful., The Rtif-
maker had moft popularity ; the fcholar had moft
knowledge; the fir ft had moft fmartnefs ; the laft
had moft ftrength : our author's art confifted in af-
fumption of premifes, and fophiftry of deduction j
Cato's power lay in folidity of principle, and juft-
nefs of reafoning : the excifeman, for once, had the
applaufe of the mob ; the prefident of the college
was approved by the young, who gravely read, and
by the old, who deeply deplored the confequences
of feditious publications *.
Yet, it cannot be denied, that common fenfe was
univerfally .perufed, and loudly praifed. For the
minds of the Colonifts had been prepared- by the
* The fcholar was ftudioUs tq expofe the ftay-tnaker as an il<"
Eterate' writer: his falfe grammar thus; — " Many circumftances
lath, and will arife." [Introd.] " Here is the origin and rife
of government." [P. 4.] " Abfolute governments hath this
advantage."' [P. 5.] " That the Commons is a check upon
the king." [P. 6.]— -" Whom it has always fuppofed wifer
than him. A mere abfurdity!" [P. 7.] His improprieties
thus : — " William, the Conqueror, was a ufurper." [P. 2cvj
— "a union." [P. 2C.] — After thus (hewing falfe grammar
and falfe idiom, nonfenficalnefs [25- — 26] and coarfenefs [every
where], the fcholar exclaimed ;  .That it would degrade cri-
ticifm fo chafe a child to his hornbook; But, the prefident of
the college mould have remembered, that claffical writing was
not to be expected 'from a mere ftay-maker, a mere grocer, a
. mere excifeman ; and that he is the true orator, who gains his
end by affecting and convincing. It was the firft American edi
tion of Common Senfe, which the Scholar quoted againft the Stay
maker: The edition of Almon was caftrated. and amended by
feme other hand. previom

THOMAS PAIN, 33
previous publication oi Burgh's Difquifitions j and by
the effays of fimilar writers;
" Who fancy every thing that is,
" For want of mending, much amifs."
Whatever is received, faid the fapience of Johnfon,
is received in proportion to the recipient. The planters
had long wifhed the dodlrines oi common fenfe to be
true ; and they thought the author infallible : they
had, for years, been travelling on the road of in
dependence ; and Pain now fhewed them the
fhorteft way. The firft edition was quickly fold.
A fecond, with a fupplement of one-third more, was
immediately prepared. A German tranflation was
printed *. Bell, the bookfeller, was changed, ac
cording to our author's verfatility of afting, for
Bradford, the printer : yet, after all thefe editions,
and all this applaufe, this wonder-working pamphlet
brought the writer of it in debt to the publifher
29I. 12s. id, if we may believe him, who is not
remarkable for his love of truth f .
But, who wrote it was the wonder. It muft be
Adams, faid the Boftonians; it muft be Franklin,
faid the Philadelphians ; it muft be Wafhington, -
faid the Virginians. Many months had not elapfed,
when Pain claimed his profit and his praife. Nei
ther vy;as this profit much diminiflicd, nor this praife
much prevented, by the Anfwer, entitled, Plain
* Pennfyl. Jpuffn. 31 Jan. 1776.
t See Pain's Declaration in Ahnon's Rem. 17 So, Part I.*
F* *9r-
E Truth,

34 THE LIFE OF
Truth, which, as it was haftily written, Was inat
tentively read ; and, as it only taught the dull dut/
of obedience, was not much heard, amidft the
ravings of anarchy.
Common Senfe was at that time written to fupport
the Congrefs ; but the Congrefs, after their indepen
dence, confuted Common Senfe. At the end of
feven years experience, the Congrefs determined *,
notwithftanding our author's principles and pra£tices,(
that anarchy is an evil to be avoided, and govern
ment a good to be cherifhed ; that fovereignty and
fubordination, being contradictory qualities, can
not both exift in the fame focieties, or in the fame
perfons; that the individuals, who compofe any
political union, cannot be fafe, if they be not re-
ftrained ; that where happinefs is the end propofed,
by a people, much muft be facrificed to the means,
whereby this end can alone be fecured. In this
ftrain it was, that General Wafhington wrote the
following paragraph, when he announced the final.
determinations of the united wifdom of the New
World \ : — " It is obvioufly impracticable in the
" federal government of thefe ftates, to fecure all
* In the convention, which was held at Philadelphia, in Sep
tember 1787 ; and which fettled the prefent conftitution ofthe
United States.
i It was part of the letter, which he wrote on the 1 7th of
September, 1787, as prefident of the grand convention, when
he communicated to the old congrefs the eftabliihment of a,
sew conftitution on new principles. « the

THOMAS. PAIN. 3 J
** the rights of independent fovereignty to each,
" and yet provide for the intereft and fafety of all.
" Individuals, entering- into fociety, muft give up a
" fhare of liberty to preferve the reft. The mag-
" nitude of the facrifice muft depend as well on
" fituation and circumftance, as on the object to
" be obtained." Thefe muft be allowed to be
excellent obfervations, though they be not altoge
ther new. All thofe principles are early taught to
every Englifhman, except, indeed, thofe English
men, who are educated at Geneva and Laufanne,
at Warrington and Hackney.
In America, the year 1776 will always form a
remarkable sera. When all was done, that the
pen could do, the fword was drawn. But, the
firfl onfet was unfavourable to the American arms.
The troops of Congrefs were expelled from Ca
nada in June. They were defeated on Long-
Ifland in Auguft. They evacuated New- York in
September. They fled from the White Plains in
October. And Fort Wafhington, though gar-
rifoned by three thoufand patriots, was taken by
ftorm, on the 1 6th of November. In the midft
of thefe defeats, Pain was prompted by his cou
rage, or his zeal, to join the army : but, whether
to counfel, to command, or to obey, curiofity
could not difcover amid the din of war. It is
only certain, that he accompanied 'the retreat * of
* There is a journal'of this retreat in Ak Rem. 1 777, p. 28,
jvhich was plainly written by Pain.
E % Wafhing-

3£ THE LIFE OP
Wafhington, from Hudfon's River to the Dela
ware. When Wafhington had croffed the Dela
ware, he might have exclaimed with Francis ift
of France, after the battle of Pavia-: all ii left, but
cur honour. The Congrefs fled. All were dis
mayed. Yet, Pain thanked God, that he did not
fear. He knew well their fituation, and faw his
way out of it. He endeavoured, with no incon-
fiderable fuccefs, to make others fee with his eyes,
to infpire others with his confidence, lt was with
this defign, that" he publifhed in the Pennfylvania
Journal, on the 19th of December 1776, The
Crifis *, wherein he ftates every topic of hope, and
examines every motive of appreheftfion. This
Effay he continued to publifh periodically, during
the continuance of hoftilities, as often as the necef-
fity of affairs required, that he fhould conceal
truth, or propagate falfhood ; that he fhould ex
hilarate defpondency, or reprefs hope f.
In the midft of thofe defeats and ofthat difmay,
the Congrefs difpatched agents to foreign powers,
to folicit warlike ftores, and to engage experienced
officers. Deane, Franklin, and Arthur Lee, met
together at Paris, in December 1776, where they
incited fympathy, whatever relief they obtained.
* Aim. Rem. 1777, p. n.
+ The Crifis, Ne XIII. was publifhed at Philadelphia on the
19th of April, 1783, the fame day that a ceflation of hoftilities
was proclaimed, This was the laft. ['Aim. Rem. 1783, Part
II. p. 105.] Pain

THOMAS PAIN. $7
Pain did more real fervice to Congrefs, and mif-
chief to Britain, by publifhing another Crifis, on
the 13th of January 1777*; whereby he taught
his readers to rely on their own firmnefs more than
on the aid of ftrangers.
The year 1777 was to the Congrefs a period of
alternate elation and depreffion, but of final triumph.
At firft, their European concerns were managed
by 'a Committee fdr fecret Correfpondence: but, as
their demands for European aid became more ur
gent, the Secret Committee was converted into
the Committee for foreign Affairs. Of this Com
mittee Pain was appointed Secretary, as an ap
probation of his writings, or as a reward of his
labours. All foreign letters, after this appoint
ment, remained in his office f. Pain's duty
required him to refide in future with Congrefs,
who, wherefoever they fled, or howlbever they
were fituated, deferved the praife of fteady firm
nefs. The fuccds, which was the refult of this
magnanimity, did not, however, prevent interefted*
hefs, or defeat cabal.
In December, 1777, Silas Deane, the firft and
ableft commercial agent of the Congrefs in Eu
rope, was recalled, to make room for William
Lee, the well known Alderman of London. Deane
arrived, in the river Delaware, on board the French
* Aim. Rem. 1777, p. '6. Pain publifhed his third Crifis
on the 13th of April, [ib. 313.] His fourth Crifis on the' 1 2th
of September, [ib. 437.]
* Pain's Letter to Raynal, p. 20, fleet,

38 THE LIFE OF
fleet, in July, 1778. The Sieur Gerard was pub-
lickly received by the Congrefs, on the fixth of
the fubfequent Auguft. In this manner was in
trigue transferred to Philadelphia from Paris.
Deane was twice heard by the Congrefs, on the
9th and 2 ift of Auguft, in order to explain, what
he had been recalled to elucidate, the Congrefs
affairs in the European world. Whatever may
have been the caufe, whether ungracefulnefs of
manner, or infufficiency of matter, certain it is,
that the Congrefs would not then hear Deane a
third time, though entreated by every mode of
application. On this fubjecl, and on this occa
sion, he appealed to the free and virtuous citizens of
America*, on the 5th of December, 1778; pro-
feifing great refpedt for the Congrefs, but difclo-
fing to the country, that a facrifice had been made
of patriotifm to cabal of family.
Of thofe events which interefted the American
world, Pain was no unconcerned fpeclator. He
publifhed his fifth Crifis on the ioth of June,
1778 f ; his fixth Crifis in Oclober, and his feventh
in November thereafter J. At the fame moment
that Deane laid down the pen, our author took
his in hand. Without confulting his pru-
* This paper of Silas Deane contains much interefting anec
dote, which makes it not unworthy of the hiftorian's notice.
[Aim. Rem. 1778-9, p. 1 85.J
+ See Aim. Rem. 1788, p. 340.
% Ibid, 1779, p. 304—1780, p. 3I7. dence,

T H-O-M A S P A I N. 39
dence, he attacked Deane, who, as a fcholar, was
fuperior to himfelf; as a ftatefman, had held higher
offices; as an individual, was at leaft his equal.
Without liflening to Common Senfe, he involved
in the controverfy Robert Morris, the far-famed
financier of the United States, who ftepped from
the floor of office, to correct, his mifreprefentations,
and reprefs.his infolence*. Without confidering
official decorum, our fecretary retailed through the
newfpapers, what he confidentially knew from the
foreign correfpondence.
The Sieur Gerard, who had been bred at the
foot of Vergennes, was fcandalized at an impru
dent infidelity, which difclofed the intrigues of his
court. Of this mifconduft the minifter of France
complained to the Congrefs f . On the fixth of
January, 1779, being ordered to attend the Con
grefs, Pain was afked by Jay, the prefident; If he
were the author of the publications on Mr, Deane's
affairs ; and anfwering Tes, he was ordered to with
draw. On the fubfequent day he applied to Con
grefs for an explanatory hearing ; but he was re-
fufed ; the Congrefs, no doubt, confidering, that
the public officer, who bad plainly acknowledged
his breach of truft, could not by any explanation
re-eftablifh his official credit. Pain was thus forced
to give in his refignation of the office of Secretary to
* See Aim. Rem. 1788-9, p. 382.
t Ibid. 1778-9, from p. 374 to 391. — Ibid. 1780, p. 290—
397- the

4* THELIF^OF
the Committee for Foreign Affairs, on the 8 th of
January, 1779. Yet, ftrange to tell, on the [6th
of the fame month, a motion was made in Con
grefs, for difmiffing' him from the office, that he
no longer held : And, though there were fourteen
members for it, to thirteen againft it, the motion
was loft; fince the States, who alone could vote,
were equal ; there being five States to five *. On
this event, our oufted Secretary endeavoured,
though with lefs fuccefs than he wifhed, to incite
the American citizens againft their Congrefs, by
propagating, That the fovereignty of the United-
States, and the delegated reprefentation of that fove
reignty in Congrefs, were two diftincl things ; which
ought to be kept feparate ; and which proves., that the
firft may be rifing, while thefe cond is finking.
In this manner our Anarch did not repofe in
infignificance, when he ceafed to be the fecretary
of a committee. He continued to buftle awhile ;
to boaft of his fervices ; and to complain of ingra
titude. The Sieur Gerard thought him impor
tant, or perhaps imagined, that he whofe infidelity
had difclofed many fecrets, might, by refentment,
be induced to reveal flill more. From Vergennes,
the Plenipo had learned, that a point is to be car
ried by any means; by the faireft, if poflible; by
the fouleft, if neceflary. While Gerard com-
* See thofe memorable incidents in Pain's life related hy
himfelf, in the Pennfylvania Facia ofthe 13th of April, 1779.
8 plained

THOMAS PAIN. 41
gained to the Congrefs publickly, he intrigued
with Pain privately. They had feveral meetings,
the object, of which was Silence about Deane. Ge
rard made him a genteel and profitable offer. But
Pain was pledged to profecute Deane ; and he was
determined, that penfion and Pain fhould never be
feen together in the fame paragraph. Gerard re
newed his intrigues with Pain : Pain confbrted with
Gerard : Gerard wifhed for opportunities of fhew-
ing Pain more folid marks of his friendjhip. Pain
profefled, that Gerard's efteem fhould be the only
recompence. Thus, a penfion was offered, which
was only declined ; and a bribe was given, though
it was not accepted *. The American world grew
tired of pertnefs and recrimination, when it appeared,
that againft Deane nothing could be proved, while
Pain only fhewed his petulance, without difclofing
fecrets. Pain's
* See thofe intrigues detailed by Pain himfelf, with little
prudence and no forecaft, in Aim. Rem. 1 780, Part I. p. 294 —
397. The following public -papers wijl fupply what is defective
jn Pain's detail :
",S I R, Philadelphia, Jan. 13, 1779.
*• It is with real fatisfaftion, that I execute the order of
Congrefs for tranfmitting; to you the inclofed copy of an aft
pf the 1 2th inftant, on a fubjeft rendered important by affefting
the dignity of Congrefs, the honour of their great ally, and
the intereft of both nations.
" The explicit difavowal and high difapprobation of Con
grefs, relative to the publications referred to in this aft, will,
I flatter myfelf, be no lefs fatisfaftory to his moft Chriftian
F Majefty,

fe THELIFEOF
Pain's head, being thus fhorn of its political hd-*
nours, was ere long crowned with academic lau
rels. He was made inafter of arts by the uhiver-
* fity
Majefty, than pleafing to the people of thefe -ftates. Nor have
I the leaft doubt but that every attempt to injure the reputation
of either, or impair their mutual confidence, will meet with
the indignation and refentment of both.
" I have the honour, &c,
" To the Hon. ithe Sieur
Gerard, Minifter Pie- "JOHN j A Y."
nipotentiary of France. In Congrefs, January 12, 1779,
" Congrefs refumed the consideration of the publications in
the Pennfylvania Packet of 2d and 5th inftant, under the titlo
pf Common Senfe to the Public, on Mr. Dea.ne's affair, of which
Mr- Thomas Pain, Secretary to the Committee for foreign affairs,
has acknowledged himfelf to be the author ; and alfo the me
morials of the Minifter Plenipotentiary of France of the 5th
and ioth inftant, refpefting the faid publications ; whereupon,
Refolded unanimoufly, That in anfwer to the memorials of the
Hon. Sieur Gerard, Minifter Plenipotentiary ofhis Moft Chrif-
tian Majefty, of the 5th and ioth inftant, the Prefident be di
rected to affure the faid Minifter, that Congrefs do fully, and
in the cleareft and moft explicit manner, difavow the publica
tions referred to in the faid memorials ; and as they are con
vinced by indifputable evidence, that the fupplies fhipped in
the Amphitrite, Seine, and Mercury, were not a prefent, and
that his Moft Chriftian Majefty, the great and generous ally of
thefe United States, did not preface his alliance with any fup
plies whatever fent to America, fo they have not authorifed
the writer of the faid publications to make any fuch affertions,
as are contained therein ; but on the contrary, do highly disap
prove of th^ fair.e."
To

THOMAS PAIN. 43-
fity of Pennfylvania, after the tumult of the times .
had driven his old antagonift, the prefident, away.
He was chofen a member of the American Philo-
fophical Society, when it was revived by the Penn
fylvania legifiature, in 1780 ; and our Anarch had
himfelf the fatisfaction of figning the act of revi
val, as clerk of the general affembly. He had
the comfort of knowing, that though he had made
enemies by his petulance, he had gained friends, by
his patriotifm. And when the Congrefs had re
jected him, as unworthy of truft, the affembly of
To which Mr. Gerard returned the following anfwer :
" SIR, Philadelphia, Jan. 14, 1779.
?• I have received the letter with which you honoured me on
the 1 3th inftant, inclofing me the Refalve of Congrefs in anfwer
to the reprefentations I had the honour to make them on the 5th
and ioth.
" I intreat you to receive and to exprefs to Congrefs, the
great fenfibility with which I felt their frank, noble, and cate
gorical manner of deftroying thofe falfe and dangerous infinua-
tions, which might miflead ignorant people, and put arms into
the hands ofthe common enemy.
"' To the King, my matter, Sir, no proofs are neceflary to
the foundation of a confidence in the firm and conftant adherence
of Congrefs to the principles of the alliance ; but his Majefty
will always behqld with pleafure the meafures which Congrefs.
may take to preferve inviolate its reputation ; and it is from the
fame oonfideration, I flatter myfelf, he will find my reprefenta
tions on the 7th of December equally worth his corifideration.
" I am, &c.
"GERAR D."
V Publifhed by order. of Congrefs,
CHARLES THOMSON, Sec."
F 2 Pennfyl-j

^t TflE LIFE Of
Pennfylvania, which had been purged of Quaker^
by his pen, thought him fit for its clerk.
But though the Congrefs had wholly rejected
Pain, he did not totally reject the Congrefs : yet,
all that he could write, or others could do, did not
prevent the bankruptcy of Congrefs, in March,
1780, when the Congrefs paper ceafed to circulate.
He gave the American citizens, foon after, A
Crifis Extraordinary *. But their ears were callous
to tbe voice of the charmer. The pen had ceafed
to influence, during the clamour of contehtidn, the
intrigues of cabal, and the diftreffes of war. Our
Anarch cheered them from time to time with ano
ther Crifis, till his Crifis, becoming: common, was
no longer a Crifis ; and was, therefore, read with
out attention, arid thrown away without efficacy.
. Meantime Pain, feeling his infignificance, orde- ,
firing change, accompanied the younger Laurence
to France, during the winter of 1780-1. What
aid he could give to his felicitations for military
ftores, at the court of France, it is not eafy to con
ceive. While he was at I/Orient, in May 178 14
preparing for their return, the Anna Terefa packec
boat for New-York was carried into France, by
the Madame French privateer. Arid this event
gave him an opportunity of perufing the mini fters;
. difpatches, which Laurence carried to Congrefs,. in,
* Aim. Rem. 1781. part'i. pag. 131. Septem,-

t ri 0 M A S PAIN. {;:
ift September 178 1, when they both returned to
Philadelphia *.
Hoftilities feemed to ceafeof themfelves, in 1782,
when mere wearinefs of paying alternately, for vic
tory and defeat, prompted the beliigerent powers to
afk each other, Why are we at war ?
The Abbe Raynal haftened to give his hiftory of
the Revolution of America, even before it was really
atchievedf. Of the crudities, which the fedentary
Abbe had been collecting for years, he now made
a copious difcharge. This galimafree, the academy
of Lyons received with applaufe. The American
citizens heard the Abbe with difguft rather than
difapprobation. But it was his facts more than
his falfities, his independence more than his fervi-
lity, which gave them offence : he had afferted J,
that none of the energetic caufes, which had produced
fo many revolutions, exifted among them-, neither re
ligion, nor laws, had been outraged ; the blood of
no martyr, or patriot, had ftreamed upon their feaf-
* Rights, part ii. p. 95. He there gives an account of that
whole adventure, but with fome ' circumftances, which create
diftrutt. The faft is, that the original difpatches, which were
dateii; the 7th of March, 1781, were publifhed in the Amfter-
dam Gazette of the nth of June, 1781, and were afterwards
Jepublifhed in the Englilh Regifters. Yet, he pretends, with
his uftal felf-fufficiency,tohavefeen in thofe original difpatchesj
the ftupidity ofthe Englifh cabinet far more than he otherwife could
have done.
fit was publifhed at London, in December, 17 Si.
% Page iz6, folds

4§ THE LIFE OF
folds. He does not praife them as men, what
fought like heroes, after jhey had drawn their
fwords, without real provocation *. And above all,
he had on falfe pretences obtained our Anarch's
melaphyfics, and fold them as his own; thus bor
rowing Pain's morals with his maxims.
In Auguft, 1782, Pain reclaimed his property,
by a letter to the Abbe Raynal on the affairs of North
America \. As the plagiarifm of the Abbe was
obvious, it was eafy to convict him ; hut where he
had entrenched himfelf in facts, it was more dif
ficult to diflodge him. The Abbe meant to fays-
that, in fact, the blood of no martyr had been fhed;
no patriot had hung on the fcaffold ; no American
citizen had been dragged to a dungeon ; all which
had been the energetic caufes of revolutions in the
JEuropean world. Againft the fact, Pain quoted
the declaratory aft, which left the colonies no rigi>tsr
.. ¦ *
?Page 103. . . ; • ,: " .-
J This publication gave Pain's old antagonift, the prefidtnt,
an opportunity of fneering at his illiterature. Here is a letter
written to an Abbe, faid he, who is treated in.it throughput^
as a third perfon. " The greater part of the Abbe's writings
appear to me Un central." [P. 51.] Appeartto me to ie
eccentric, the author probably intended. " It is a ufeixxl addi
tion." [P. 12.]. Asifheiuaj \fwere~\ gkdto get from- them.
{P. 12. j " It is one of thofe kind of dominions.'' . [P. 70.],
The prefident might have quoted many fuch peccadilloes from
Pain's writings; but it ought to be always remembered^ that
our author is but a mere Engli/hfchelar-, and f&p-Engljfh fcholars
can. write the Englifh language.
'. * at

THOMAS PAIN. 47
at all ': by it, the blood of martyrs was fried vir
tually, patriots were hanged virtually; citizens
Were dragged to dungeons virtually. There is no
defpotifm to which this iniquitous lazv did not extend,
contended our Anarch furioufly*. Y. : the Abbe
" could not be perfuaded, that this almoft metaphyfi-
cal queftion was of fuffident importance to make the
people rife \. Alas ! is it not, in every country, and
in every age, almoft metaphyfical queftions, which
have agitated mankind, and even now agitate the
world ! Our own hiftorian of the laft century, has
treated this fubjeft finely :
" When men fell out they knew not why;
" When hard words, jealoufies, and fears,
" Set folks together by the ears ;
" And made them fight, like mad, or drunk*
*' For dame religion, as for punk:"
Pain turned awhile from the Abbe to teach
America and Europe the nature of paper money.
In five years the Congrefs had iffued about twelve
millions flerling, in dollars, pf pafteboard. This
emiflion of paper was the Congrefs mode of finance,
which, while it prevailed, faved twelve millions of
taxes for carrying on the war ; and cbnfequently, .
the event to the people was exactly the fame, faid
the fophifter, whether they funk twelve millions of
money, by the depredation of paper, or paid twelve
millions by taxation. As early as March, 1780,
* Letter, p. 5. + Revolution, p. 127.
common

4.3 THELIF.EOF;
common confent configned jt to reft, with .that klfldj
of regard, which the long feryices of inanimate
beings infenfibly obtain from mankind *. His ar
tifice is remarkable for mentioning eyery circum-
ftance of commendation, while he fupprefled every
kind of objection, tie concealed, that the Congrefs
made their pafteboards a legal payment of every
debt, though they were of no more value than the
almanacks ofthe laft year. The fraudulent were by
this means enabled to pay the honeft their juft debts
with waite paper. The rich were thereby defraud
ed, but the poor were not enriched. All property
and all labour were depretiated by the fame ftroke
of fraud. A tranfaftjon, which fo violently fhook
the intereft and happinefs of a country, has feldom
occurred before. The Abbe was fo fimple as tp
confider this difcredited paper as an effential part
of the Congrefs debt. Not fo our Anarch : with
an aftonifhing apathy he afferted, in 1782, with
us its fate is now determined. This is a fine illuftra-
tion of the maxims and pradlice of the anarchical
reformers, who care not, when in purfuit of their
theories, whofe heart they rend, whofe property they
wafte, whofe fafety they endanger.
Pain was more happy, though not more gram
matical, in fhewing, that the Abbe, as an hiftorianj,
battens thro' his narrations as if he was glad to get
from themf. It muft be allowed to be true, as
he afferted J, that it is yet too foon to write the
* Letter to Raynal, p. 22-3,
+ Letter, p. 12, % Letter, p. 2. hiftory

THOMAS PAIN. *9
hiftory of the Revolution ; and whoever attempts
it precipitately will unavoidably miftake characters
and ciroumftances : Yet it is never too foon to in
culcate on. nations the performance of contracts,
or on individuals the practice of honefty j becaufe
both form the ftrongeft cement of fociety.
Pain had fearceiy difpatched his letter to Abbe
Raynal, when he wrote an epiftle to the Earl of
Shelburne *. The noble Earl had faid in Parli
ament, it feems, in a tone^ which ftill vibrates m the
ears of Englilh men, that when Great Britain fhall
acknowledge American independmce, the fun of Bri
tain's glory is fet for ever. Our author reafons and
laughs with our Parliamentary prophet, through a
little pamphlet of twenty-eight pages. ft required
not his ridicule' to make folly ridiculous. We have
outlived the time; yet many a parliamentary pro
phecy is ftill -unfulfilled. Great-Britain continues-
ftill to walk with a giant's port among the powers
of the earth, even without, the help of the Earl's
energy. Political prophecies made the Earl a Mar
quis ; and the Marquis, in return, makes to this
day political prophecies.
Pain publifhed his laft Crifis on the 19th of
April, 1783, the fame day that a ceffatiori of hof
tilities was proclaimed. This Effay was foon printed
as a pamphlet, entitled Pain's Thoughts on the Peace.
* A letter to the.Earl of Shelburne, which was publifhed at
Philadelphia, the 29th of Oftober, 1782, on his lordfhip's
fpeechof the ioth of Jujy, 1782.
G In

$a THELIFSOF
In eighteen pages, he concluded his valedictory
oration in the following fentence : Now, GentlemeKj
you. are independent, fit down, and be happy. But,
happinefs- is not always in our own power. Without
food, -and .raiment,, and fhelter, what man, ever
was happy? When their rejoicings had ceafedy
the American citizens were all furprized, that they
were not happy. What happinefs, alas ! could
they enjoy? They were all difappointed in their
hopes;; they were all exhaufted in their fortunes;.
they^were all fufpicious in their tempers; they were
all uneafy in their families. In all this wailing'and-
gnafoingMf 'teeth, our anarch,
" Found nothing left but poverty and praife."
The American Revolution is a happy in-ftance.
of what- may be done by anarchical reformers, who*
run furi@ufl.y- forward, In purfuit of their theories^
without regarding the end'.' "In order to obtain in--
dvependejice, every principle, which ought to ac-:
ty ate the human hearty was weakened; all the
maxims, which knit fociety together, were, impug
ned ; and government, which is • the r efficacious
energy of political unions, was contemned by Pain
as an: evil.-; Subordination confequently ceafed;
juftice fled^from the land ; freedom, and property, \
and life, were no longer fafe ; the affociation ;among^.
the States diffolved in its own infuffkiency ; and
the Congrefs continued, to ex'ift indeed, but un
availing in its efforts, and difgraced by itsimpo-,.
8 i. tence.

T- U O M*A- Si P"A IN. et
fence. -The American Union was of courfe little .
refpected in Europe. The American Citizens were
diftrufted naturally by foreigners, when they dif-
trufted one another.
Whether Pain fmiled at the mifchief, which his
pen had done, or lamented that his prefcriptidns
had not produced happinefs, it is impoffible to
tell. He feems to have been filent during the up
roar 'of anarchy, when Common Senfe could not be
heard. He certainly fuffered all the miferies of de
pendent penury. He bufied himfelf for feveral
years> in foliciting the American Afferinblies to
grant him fome reward, for having contributed
by his labours to make the American citizens in
dependent, and miferable. New York conferred
on him forfeited lands at New-Rochelle, which, *
as they were neither tenanted nor cultivated, brought
him no annual income. Pennfylvania gave him
five hundred pounds ; which, at fix per cent! may
be confidered as a penfion of thirty pounds a year,
current money, or eighteen pounds fterling; and
thus were united, what he had determined to avoid,
penfion and Pain in the faine 'paragraph *. Whe-,
th'er any other of the States, or the Congrefs, -relieved
* In the Maryland Journal, dated the 3 ift ofDecember, 1784,
there is the following article : "On the 6th inftant, his Excel
lency John Dickenfon, Prefident of the State of Penfylvania,
fent a meffage to the Affembly refpedting Mr. Thomas Pain, the
author of Common Senfe and other political pieces ; ftrongly re
commending to their notice his fervices and fituation,"-—"- ' ;--
G 2 ' his

St THE LIFE OF
h;s neceffities, we have never heard. They were
all unable to help themfelves, diffracted as they
were by his maxims. He became generally un
popular, as his chara&er was better underftood.
As his principles and his pen were no longer of
much ufe to the United States, Pain departed for
France, in Autumn 1786; leaving the American
Citizens to build up, as they could, the feveral fa-
bricks, which he had contributed fo powerfully to
overturn; and a young woman at New- York, of
a reputable family, to deplore the effects of a pro
fligacy, that will probably prevent his return to his
beloved America.
What writers on government fuppofe to have
happened, when men exifted as fayages, actually
'occurred, in America, during September, 1787,
Three millions of people, who were urged by their
mifcries, affembled at, Philadelphia, not indeed in
perfon, but by delegates, to confider their prefenl
calamitiesj and provide for their future happinefs.
When thefe deputies met in Convention, with
Wafhington at their head, they did not begin their
deliberations, by reading our author's Common Senfe*
All had-feen the fufferings ofthe people. But con
fidering the general mifery as a fail, they proceeded
to inveftigate the caufe of that fa£t> which could
not be difputed* By running furioufly in queft of
private liberty and of public independence, the peo*
pie, faid they, have involved themfelves in anarchy,
find reduced the States to imbecility, WE confi-* der

THOMAS PAIN. yj
der then, faid the Convention and Wafhington, felf-
Jegiflation, or anarchy, as the- efficient 'caufe of all
our miferies. WE muft remove the caufe before
we attempt to free the people from its effeSs. WE
muft put reftraints upon felf-kgiftatiou, upon felf-
jiglions, upon felf-redrefs. WE muft facrifice the
principles, the paffions, the prejudices, of one, to
the fafety of millions. WE muft reftrain the liberty
of each, in order that the whole may be free. WE
rnuft, in this manner, eftablifh reftraint as the fun
damental principle of the Society,' into which we
are about to enter.
In that numerous convention, there were men
of republican principles, who, with Pain's Common
Senfe in their hands, and their own importance in
their heads, fpoke a very different language. With
our laft breath, faid they, WE will retauifelf-legif,
lation, that inherent right of man to will for him
felf. WE would as foon Telinquifh life itfelf, as
part mthfelf-acJien ; becaufe what are free-men, if
they cannot do as they pleafeP WE will never agree
to be reftrained, they exclaimed, becaufe, reftraint
is the death of liberty,.
In reply to thefe declamations, the convention
and Wafhington begged them to remember the
.people's miferies: you have feen, that it is felf-le-
giflation, or the power of willing as each thinks
proper, which is the real caufe of all their fufferings :
felf-aclion, or the prablice of doing what each thinks
. fit, is the genuine effect of that efficient caufe $
have

54. THE LIFE OF
have you not felt how the young abufe the old j
how the ftrong overpower the weak; how the
wicked opprefs the virtuous : can you enjoy your
own liberty where fuch abufes exift, and where all
legiflate, and none obey ? If you wifh to be fafe,
you muft relinquish this ftate of favagenefs for fo
ciety : now, what is fociety, but a compact, either
expreffed, or underftood, that private will fhall
fubmit to public will ; that individual action fhall
be fubprdinate to general direction ; that no one
fhall will or do any action, which is inconfiftent
with the rules and agency of the many : and, what
is this fubordination and this obedience but re-
ftraint, that muft neceffarily be the, foundation of
fociety, which has been varioufly modified in dif
ferent climes, as men were directed by their various
neceffities. The few in this convention were, in this man
ner, obliged to fubmit to the wills, and~what is of
more importance, to the reafons of the many.
And the convention and Wafhington proceeded to
form their compact, which is the record of their
union ; to eftablifh their constitution, which is the
detail of its end ; and to fettle their government,
which is the means of effectuating the end of their
union. Upon thefe reafonings they acted, though
they were not unanimous. And finding it im
practicable to fecure, either to individuals or com
munities, both dependence and independence,
both fubordination and fovereignty, they modified their

THOMAS PAIN. SS
their fyftem, fo as beft to provide for the intereft
and fafety of all *., , Hiftory will record it as an in
dubitable proof of their wifdom, that they built as
much as poffible upon old foundations ; preferving
their old common: law, their. old acts of affembly,
their old modes of public proceeding.
In this manner, and upon thofe principles, was
fettled the prefent American government, which
has anfwered in practice beyond expectation. It is
of importance to inveftigate the caufes of thatefta-
blifhment, and ofthat efficiency. Pain, wlio: had
inculcated by his Common Senfe f , that no power,
which needs checking, can be from God, was now for
tunately abfent. Sad diftrefs had induced the peo
ple to liften to plain- truth; they had no longer a
difpofition to believe our Anafch's doctrine, that
the beft government isa neceffary evil: and recent ex
perience had fully convinced them, that there can
be no fecurity for property, freedom, and life, un-
lefs reftrairit be impofed by the laws, and govern
ment be obeyed, as the energy from which fecial
happinefs can alone be enjoyed.
Meantime, Pain fafety arrived in Parish the be-1
ginning of 1787. He carried with him' his fame
as a writer, and the model of a bridge, to fhewthat
he had a genius, equally formed for mechanic's, as
for politics. The French academy viewed" his
model, and thanked him for the fight ; bur^whe-'
* Sea Washington's Letter before-mentioned.
f Pa e 8, ther

$S THELIFEOF
ther he gave the people of France, who were then
beginning to think for themfelves, a leffon or two of
political happinefs, we have never heard. It is,
however, certain, that fince the epoch of his vifit,,
the French have proceeded regularly,
" In falling out with that, or this,
" And finding fomewhat ftill amifs."
Our Anarch, like other animals who delight in
favage life, longed to return ro his old haunts. And
be arrived at the White Bear, Piccadilly, on the
3d of September, 1787, juft thirteen years after
his departure for Philadelphia. Neither the length
of time, nor the change of circumftances, pre
vented his former acquaintances from recognizing
the fpecific flaymaker, the individual grocer, the
identical excifeman : but as he had. taken French
leave, he met fome old friends with new faces. In
London, he remained only long enough to form
new political connections. Before the end of Sep
tember he haftened to Thetford, where, he found
his mother, at the advanced age of ninety, and
oppreffed by penury. At the sera of American
independence, this dutiful fon had remitted to his
necefikous parents twenty pounds, in payment, no
doubt, of the money, which' had been lent him on
bond *, before his emigration. He at laft talked
of allowing his mother nine fhillings a week, to be

See his mother's letter before, p. 26, paid

THOMAS PAIN. tf
£ald by One Whitefide, an American merchant, in
London. But Owing to the confufion in that
trader's affairs, or to fome other caufe, this allowance
was foon ftopt. At Thetford, he feldom faw the1
companions of his youth'; he went little out, being
wholly occupied in reading, and in writing.
When Pain had finifhed his reading and his
writing at Thetford, he returned to London : and
before the end of the year 1787, he publifhed his
Profpeils on the Rubicon; or, an fnveftigation into
the Caufes and Confequences of the Politics to be agi^
Sated at the Meeting of Parliament®. This is an
octavo tract of fixty-eight pages, which treats of
.the ftate of the nation. The affairs of Holland*
.which "were then unfetfled, are now a fubjedt for
hiftory, which will do juftice to the conductors of
a great transaction to a happy end. Befide tem-
* The critics afcertained the authorfhip by collation of the
ftylei Thus, in page 59 of his Profpeils, it is faid, *' there is
a uniformity in all the works of nature." — " But there is ano-
" ther circumflex? that do not fail to imprefs foreigners,"
page 63. — " Where is the profit of manufactures, if there Is
" [be] no encreafe of money," page 39. -*-" But it fignifies
** not what name it bears, if the capital is [be] riot equal to
" the redemption," page 35. " The amazing encreafe and,
" magnitude of the paper currency now floating in England,
" expof« her to a mock as much more tremendous than the
" fhoek of the! South Sea Funds, as the quantity of credit and
" paper currency is now greater than they were at that time.'
page 24.— But though Democrit<?j [Demoeritus] could fcarcely
" have forbore [forborn] laughing [laughter] at the folly,"
page 2, H * porary

$8 T HE LIFE OF
porary matters, our author gave his opinion of mo
ney, credit, and banking ; of agriculture, and ma
nufacture ; of commerce and fhipping : but, by
remaining too long in America, he had left honeft
writers to teach the people not to be terrified by
any factious pamphleteer. Pain's profpetls, which
only led to delufion, foon faded from the public
eye. And the news-papers had the impertinence to
tell him, that he who had lately fhewn America
the road to . independence, and now endeavoured
to exalt France over England, was a fit fubject for
tranfportation to the- one, or a proper object for the
lamp-poft of the other. The wife exclaimed, how'
lenient is the Britifh government 1 Here is a
wretch, who, after being driven from his country
by his crimes, rufhed into rebellion, levied war
againft the King, and defied the nation; yet is
again received, without moleftation ; is protected as
a good fubject, and an honeft maq, though he
again bufies himfelf in committing frefh offences
againft the laws of the land, and once more at
tempts to injure the nation, by mifreprefenting her
circumftances. During the year 1788, Pain was. chiefly occu
pied in building his bridge. For this end, he
made a journey to Rotheram, in Yorkfhire, in
.order tofuperintend the cafting ofthe iron, by that
ingenious citizen, Mr. Walker. While thus oc
cupied at Rotheram, his French familiarity is
(aid hot to have much pleafed the Englifh' ladies. Their

THOMAS PAIN. 59
Their difpleafure induced Mr. Walker to turn Pain
out of his houfe. This did not, however, prevent
the operations of the furnace : and the bridge was at
length erected, in a clofe at Leafing-Green ; being
an arch conftructed of iron, one hundred and ten
feet in the fpan,five feet from the fpring, arid twenty-
two feet in breadth, ltwas erected chiefly at the
charge of Mr. Walker ; but the project had coft
the projector a large fum, which was moftly fur-
nifiied by Mr. Whitefide, the American merchant,
who foon difcovered, that advances without returns
leave the trader, ere long, without money or cre
dit. This bridge is to this day (hewn at the York-
fhire-Stingo, for a fhilling*. As this was not the
firft iron bridge, which was known to the Englifh
1 world, it is not eafy to difcover, why the projector,
who had a model, fhould incur fo great an expence
( ( merely to make a fhow.
It is, however, happy for mankind, that impru-.
dence and folly feldom efcape punifhment. White-
fide, by trufting much money in bad hands, foon
became a bankrupt. The affignees, feeing fo great
a fum as fix hundred and ^twenty pounds charged
againft Pain, caufed him to be arretted on the
39th of October, 1789, at the White Bear, in
* Pain's bridge is no longer fhewn for a milling.. It was
taken to pieces, in Oftober 1791 ; in order that other erections
might be built in its place ; and that the rent of the clofe in
which it flood, might be paid : the timber of it was fold to the
neighbouring builders, and the caftings of iron, were fent to
yorkfhire, whence .they came.
H % . Picca-

6o T H E L I F E O F
Piccadilly. He was carried to that commodious.
fponging houfe, which is kept by Armftrong, in
Cary-ftreet. Here he lay, for three weeks, in
flwance vile. Thofe benevolent perfons, Benjamin
Vaughan, Mr. Hoare the quaker, arid William
Vaughan, all interefted themfelves in his fate.
They aflced the affignees, if they knew, that they
confined the great writer of Common Senfe ? Our
concern, faid the creditors, is not with the dignity,
but the identity of the debtor : Will you pay his
debt, to obtain his freedom ? Upon the departure
pf his vifitors, without obtaining his liberty^ Pain,
is faid to have hummed—

They promife to pity ;

But fhift you for mpney from friend to friend."
He now applied to Meff. Clegget and Murdock,
two American traders of great refpeftability; plead
ing his fervices to them as Americans, in giving
them independence. Without confidering them
felves as much obliged to. him for confining, rather
than enlarging their trade, they became his bail.
And Pain, paying four hundred and fixty pounds,
which he had at length received from America,
and giving his own note for one hundred and fixty
more, was fet free, in November, 1789, to purfue
his projects, and to fcribble pamphlets.
While thus reftrained in Cary-ftreet, by a power
which he had never authorized, our adventurer
was not inattentiye to French affairs. In France te

T.H O M A S PAIN. fit
Jje had beheld the fair bloffoms of liberty in the
genial Spring; he had feen the fhoots of Surrw
mer's invigoration ; and he haftened to that happy
land, in order to partake in the autumnal maturity
of the faireft fruit, that Anarchs had ever cultivated;
jn,the fields of theory. While thus gratified, by
enjoying the haryeft of his own labours, he had
the additional pleafure of perufing Dr. Price's ce-»
kbrated fermoh, which had been frowned from
England, into France. But, while he faw the
people of France thinking and ailing for themfelves^
he heard with aftonifhment, no doubt, that the
people of England were about to refign the prerogative-
pf thinking *.
Jn this Crifis) Pain re-croffed the channel, in
order to proteft againft this vaffalage idea f, and to
avert that fubmiffion of themfelves and their poft'erity,
like bond men and bond-women, for ever J. He was
encountered, as he ran to London, by Mr. Burke's
pamphlet, which was publifhed a few days before
the fad celebration of the French Revolution, on
the 5th of November, 1790. He might have
heard, indeed, what doubtlefs quickened his.fteps,
that fuch a work was in the prefs, and though long
delayed, was at length to appear. Never was the
public expectation; more amply gratified. Thou
sands and tens of thoufands of Mr. Burke's pam-
* Frofpefts on the Rubipon, p. 29,
- + Rights of Man, p, 82. *¦
*• phlet

6a THE LIFE OF
phlet were fold, without the recommendation or
the Conftitutional Society. But, it was not the
wifdom of his policy, or the zeal of his patriotifm,'
the learning of his illuftrations, or the burfts of
his eloquence, which captivated the EnglifB nation.
No : The univerfal applaufe of the Englilh people
was an indubitable proof of their genuine fenti-
ments: It was a declaration of their love for the
king ; of their attachment to the conftitution ; of
their veneration for the laws ; of gratitude to their
fathers, who had tranfmitted to them the form of
government, which enfures their prefent happinefs.
To- Mr. Burke's pamphlet, every week produced
a new anfwer. But, as his antagonifts fought him
on his own ground of law, their aims were feebly
directed, and their attacks were eafily repulfed.
The Anarchs cried out for a new affault, and with
new weapons, according to the approved tactics of
wordy warfare.
In this manner was Pain induced to furbifh up
his old weapons of Common Senfe, to fafhion his.
Crifis, ordinary and extraordinary, into a neW cui-
rafs, and to review his profpecls, that he might take
the vantage ground to
" Decide all controverfics by
" Infallible artillery."
A few months labour produced the far-famed
pamphlet, yclept Rights of Man. lt was fubmit-
ted to the revifal of Mr. Brand Hollis, and a com-
i mittee

THOMAS PAIN. 6%
inittee of Democrats. It was fitted by them for
the prefs, after fome ftruggles, between the defires
of the author, and the wifhes of his patrons. It
was printed, in February 1791, for that worthy
citizen, Mr. J. Johnfon, in St. Paul's Church
yard; but his regard for the fhop induced him to
decline the felling of prohibited goods, though he
occafionally dealt in Dr. Pneftley's wares. This un
expected refufal caufed a month's delay. A few
copies were, however, fmuggled into private hands,,
Iriripatience was now apparent on every face. The
defire of gratification became, as ufbal, more ar
dent, in proportion as the object was denied. The
men-midwives determined to deprive the child of
its virility, rather than fo hopeful an infant fhould \i
be with-held from the world. At length, on the
.13th of March, 1791, this mutilated brat was
delivered to the public, by Mr. J. S. Jordan, at
No. 166, Fleet-ftreet.
To the parent this was a moment of peculiar
anxiety. Befide his cares for his child, he feared,
that the rneffengers of the prefs might be even then
prowling for their prey. He found fhelter and ,
concealment in the hofpitable houfe of the faid Mr.
Hollis; and in order to carry the hounds off their
fcent, the French envoy ran about, whifpering in
every ear, that he had laft. night procured Mr. Pain
a pafs for Paris; though every Englilh man, to
whom .this tale was told, did not hear with the
fame patience, that foreign agents* fhould trouble them-

$4 the" Life df
themfelves with Englifh affairs. While conceal*
ment was thus ftudioufly confulted, the meffengers5
of the prefs did not trouble themfelves about Mr*
Pain, or his pamphlet.
Such was the agency by which this production^
was brought into the notice of the Englifh nation*
There were numbers, no doubt, who- praifed it;
becaufe they wifhed that its tenets were triumphant.*
There are fome who, in every country, rejoice to:
fee real learning defied by grofs illiterature. And!
the Conftitutional Society, whofe bufinefs it is to
fpread conftitutional information, ftrenuoufly re
commended this conftitutional tract to the perufal
of the people. But it was ftjjl to encounter the
critics. This is a race of men, whofe hearts are
generally contracted by years; whofe judgments,
being matured by experience, are not often capti
vated by novelty ; and whofe pens are fometimes
dipped in gall, by an exceffive impartiality.
After a decent procraftination, the critics re
viewed our author's performance. They divided
their ftrictures into two heads ; the manner, and
the matter. With regard to the firft, they ob
ferved, that as the language immediately offers
itfelf to the reader's eye, and muft ultimately
inform the reader's underftanding ; fo the lan
guage is an effential object of the critic's animad-
verfion. Of ftyle, perfpicuity is the principal qua
lity, without which, all other qualities are ufelefs;
but without grammatical purity, that great effential". of

THOMAS PAIN. 6$
of language cannot be obtained. Like fair cri
tics, they gave examples, as the beft proofs of
their precepts; and they arranged their obferva-
tions, and flated their quotations, under diftinct
clafles, in the following order :
Th£ bad Grammar, of a Child*.
The bad Grammar of a Man f.
Under the head of grammatical purity, the critics
proceeded to remark, that pure Englifh neceffa-.
rily requires, that-the words be Englifh ; that their
conftruction be in the Englifh idiom; that fuch
words fhould be employed to exprefs the precife
* In page 15, Mr. Pain fays, " There is [are] fome propof-
als for a declaration of rights." — In p. 34, " There are [isj
" in ~all countries, a large clafs of people of that defcrip//o;K,
fT^which, in England, are [is] called thernob." — In p. 35,
" A vaft miifs of mankind are [is] degradedly thrown into the
*' background." — In p. 45, " Becaufe there have [has] been,
*' an upftart of governments, thrufting themfelves between."—
In p. 66, " The folly of titles ha^ve [has] fallen."— In p. 92,
" As money matters ivas [were^j the 'objecV'-r-Jh p. 100,
" When their worth and confequence is [art] confidered."
'+ In page 6, " But fuc'h is the ingenuity , of his hope, or the
" malignity of his defpair, that it [they] furnifh^ him with new
" pretences.'" ' In p. 56, " Have fit" for fat or fitten. In
p. 71, " The greateft characters have rofe," for rifem. In p.
72, «r Whether the archbifhop precedes," [precede.] In p. 75,
" If he'believej," [believe]. In p. 81, " If any mzttncomes,"
fcome.] Iri'p. 11 J, "What are the prefent governments of
Europe, but afcene [fcenes] of iniquity." In p. 116, " Since
the taking [o¥ ] the Baftile." But of fuch' quotations from Mr.
Pain's pamphlet there would be no end I
I mean-

66 THELIFEOF
meaning, which cuftom has affixed to them. The
fault of ufing words, which are not Englifh, has
been called by grammarians
Barbarism*.
The fecond fault, which confifts of not making
ufe of the words in the Englifh idiom, philologifts
have agreed to denominate Solecism f.
The third and laft clafs of faults againft purity
ef language, the critics arranged under the head of
Impropriety J.
The critics proceeded, Secondly, as they had pro
pofed, from the language to the fentiment j from the
* Thus Mr. Pain ufes the following words which are not
Englifh: in p. 67, Punyifm; in p. 74, Intolleratian; in p. .771
Anti-political; in p. 35, Degradedly; in p. 80, Defignates; in
p. 81, Right-angled; in p. 83, Priority; in p. 96, DifrefpeSed;
in p. 104, High-beneficed; in p. no, lmprefcriptihle.
+ In p. 71, " He degenerate the human fpecies:" Degenerate
is not an afi'eve verb. In p. 80, " Neither can he ufe it con-
\fifient [confiftently] with the conftitution." In p. 84, both is
ufed to couple more plurals than two. In p. 85, " The nation
fhowed no difpofition to rife [roufe] from its lethargy." In
p. 95, " The crowd threw out trite .exprefiion* :" he perhaps
meant tart. In p. 96, " The king, as if unconfulted upon with
the cabinet." in p. 101, " They filiated [placed] themfelves
in three chambers." Solecifms abound fo much in Mr. Pain's
pamphlet, that they may, indeed, be faid to occur in every
paragraph. \ In page 88, Mr. Pain remarks, " That the <frplomatic cha
racter is the nanoweft fphere of fociety that a man can aft in :"
5 thus,

T H O M A S- PA I N. ?)
the manner to the matter of our author's great per
formance. This is a difquifition, faid they, with regard to
Rights of Man, He fhews his intention to be,
not to treat of the whole rights of mankind, but
of particular rights. And he follows up his evi
dent purpofe, by enlarging chiefly on the favage
rights of men, without regarding, much their focial
rights. When he dedicated his book to George Wafhing*
ton, he feemed however, faid they, to depart fome-
what from his previous defign, by wifhing, that
the rights of man might become as univerfal as
Walhington's benevolence. They dotfbted the
propriety of our author's fentiment; becaufe the
thus, with his ufual violence, he converts his ambaffador into a
globe. " And a diplomatic," [diplomatic] he adds, " is a fort
of unconnected atom, continually repelling and repelled." " But
this," fays Mr. Pain, page 88, " was not the cafe with Dr.
Franklin. He was not the diplomatic of a court, but of man."
He meant to have faid, this philofopher is the envoy of mankind.
In p. 81, Mr. Pain fays, " That the addreffes of the Englifh
parliaments are not of foreign extraction, but originate from the
Norman Conqueft : they [the faid addreffes] are evidently of
the waffalage clafs of manners ; and," he adds, " that this <vaja-
lage idea and ftile of fpeaking tuas [were] not got rid of in
1688." " Submiflion," he proceeds, " is wholly a <vaffalage
term, repugnant to the dignity of freedom, and an echo of th©
language ufed at the conqueft." Thus, fiibiitifpon is an echo of
language ! ! " The graceful pride of truth preferves," he afTert?,
" in every latitude of life the right-angled character of man."
Such> reSangular improprieties of language, ill-natured critics
might deteft in every paragraph' of one hundred and fixty pages.
I 2 rights.

(5§ THE LIFE Of
rights of man muft be as univerfal as the refidence
of man.
,- The critics were thence led into a very learned
inquiry as to the caufe, that Nonsense fo often
efcapes being detetled, both by the Writer and: thb
Reader.. They were at nolofs to difcover various
caufes of this philological phenomenon ; namely,
confpfjpn of thought; affectation pf excellence;
want of meaning : and confidering, that JPain's.
pamphlet had been affectedly praifed and politically
propagated, they feized fo good an opportunity to
give illuftrations of their ufeful inquiry, by exhibit-*
ing various examples of our author's1.
N O N S E N - S, E*.
After fo learned an expofition- of the caufes- why
writers write and readers read. Nonsen.se, withr
... . ¦ ¦ ¦ i>;,j.,< .<( .... ,-¦'
.: ;..-.. !^ ,. ;..:A out
* In page 48 it; is faid-, *« That the duty of. man k'npt &
*• wildernefs of turnpike gates, through- which he; is to. pafs by
" tickets from one to the other." Here, faid the- critics, the
author in ^attempting to give a fpecimen of .fine writing, wrotft
without meaning. In page 66, Mr. Pain quotes-it as a maxim,
" Titles are, but nicknames, and every niekngrne is a.title;" and
he ftates it as a fail., «' That it is properly from the elevated
" mind of France; that the folly of titles have [has] fallen."
This writer is not more happy in his religious opiniens ; in p.
74, " Toleration, is, not the appsfite of intoleration, but. is. the
" counterfeit of it. Both are defpotifms; the; former is chureh
" and ftate, and.the.lattpr.is church and traffic." Mr. Pain wa?
thence led. ou to fpeak, in page 80, oi the fountain of hon,otir-i
" In England, a king is the fountain ; but as this idea is evi-
" dently from- the Conqueft, I fhall make no other remark upon " it

THO MAS,; PAINi 69
out perceiving that they write and read nonfenfically,
the critics proceeded regularly to review the matter
of Mr. Pain's pamphlet under the three heads, into
which
*• it, than that it; is the nature of conqueft to turn every thing
'.( upflde down; and as Mr. Burke will not be refufed the pri-
" vilfige of fpeakirig twice, and as there are but two parts in
" the figure.* the fountain and the fpout, he wilL be right the fe*
" cond time." After this tranfparent elucidation of the foun
tain of honour, he naturally tells, in p. 138, what 'a parliament
is:' " What is called the parliament, is made up of two houfes;
«' one of which is more hereditary, and more beyond the. con.-
". troul of the nation, than what the crown, (as it is called) i$
" fuppofed to be." He goes beyond even this, in page 130 :
" The continual ufe of the word conftitution, in the Englifh
"parliament, fhews there is none'; and that the whole [whole
«' of what?] is merely a form of government, without a corifti-
" tution." , As an illuftration of this mode of writing the fub-
lime, the critics quoted the famous couplet of two illuftrious
dramatifts :
" My wound is great, becaufe it is fo fmall;
", It would be greater, were it none at all I"
Mr. Pain thence defcends to meaner matters ; and gives in
page' 1 44, a mathematical eftimate of the quantity of money :
w Lifboni and Cadiz are the two ports into which (money) gold
" and filver trom South America are imported, and .which aP
*' tarwards- divides and fpreads itfelf over Europe, by means of
"commerce, and increafes the quantity of money in all parts
*« of Europe." The critics at laft exclaimed :
" How vaft a head is here without a brain!"
But. they had foftened this feverity of animadverfion, had- they
at that time known, what is now known, that Mr. Brand Hollis and

10 THE LIFE OF
which he divides it himfelf: the argument; the hif~
tery ; tbe mifcellaneous.
In anfwering Mr. Burke,- faid they, Mr. Pain
feldom meets his adverfary face to face. Mr.
Burke every where confiders the Britifh; conftitution
as an atlual authority, and the legiflative power,
the executive power, and the judicial power, which
are emanations from it, as exifting energies, that
preferve the quiet of the public, and produce the
happinefs of the people. On the other hand, Mr,
Pain, throughout his argument, not only fuppofes,
but aflerts, that the Britifh Conftitution no where exifts..
He fuppofes what he ought to prove; he talks in
oppofition to facts ; and he endeavours to perfuade
others to deny the authority of thofe laws,, to which
he has been himfelf obliged to fubmit.
The great art, faid the critics, of Mr. Pain^ as
a difputant, confifts in mifquoting plainly, or mif-
reprefenting defignedly, the pofitions of his adver
fary. Mr. Burke had faid, fareaftically, that every
future king of England would fucceed hereditarily
to the government, in contempt of the Conftitutional
Society. Mr. Pain now converts by the magick
and the committee of democrats had correfted the manufcriptj
and that Jordan, the bookfeller, had caftrated the copy *,
* The can-rating hand of Mr. Jordan appears in the-title-page ; he there
makes Thomai !Pa'inj6, a fecretary. for foreign. affairs to Congrefs, 'inftead of
tbe Jeer el ary to a committee of Congrefs, for foreign affairs. The clerk of the
Houfe; of Commons, and the clerk of a committee of that Houfe, are quite
jdiftirfft officers. Of

THOMAS PAIN-. 71
of his wand, this plain affertion of fact and law
into a pofitive affirmation of an hereditary fuccef-
fion in contempt of the people : and he thereupon
enjoys, through twenty pages, the triumph of his
own artifice ; without reflecting, that the day of
detection would come, when the fophifter would
be exhibited to his own fentimental mob, as an ob
ject of ridicule.
In treating of rights of man, faid the critics, Mr.
Pain artfully refers rather to the rights of favages,
than to the rights of citizens. Within the wide
circumference of the globe, there has not been
found a people, however favage, who had not fome
rules of action, and who did not live in fociety,
however imperfect it might be. A fair reafoner,
then, was bound to refer, in his argument, to thofe
rules as exifting energies. Every nation, however
civilized, or however favage, has its own civil rights,
which , are the refult of thofe energies : we fpeak
familiarly of the rights of Englifhmen, the rights
of Dutchmen, and the rights of Ruffians. If there
be a queftion with regard to the rights of Englifh
men, we muft refer for a refolution, to the laws of
Eriglifhmen. And, in the fame manner, if it be
inquired, what fact conftitutes the crime of fwindling
in England,, we muft refer to the flatute, which
defcribes the offence; fo of perjury, forgery, and
other offences,, which, as they infringe the rights
of particular citizens, are regarded as attacks upon
the whole fociety. All

ft THE 'LIFE -OF
All this was premifed, faid the critics, in order
to enable the reader to determine the grand tjuef-
tion, which was debated, firft, between Dr. Price
and Mr. Burke, and, afterwards, between Mr.
Burke and Mr ."Pain, as to the manner of ' cafhier-
ing government, and chufing governors. Among cool
reafoners, it muft be allowed in argument, that if
every man, woman, and child, in any community^
were to vote for cafhiering government, they have
a right to give fuch vote, and to appoint new go
vernors. Bur, did every man, woman, and child,
ever meet for fuch purpofes? Never. Will every
man, woman, and child, ever meet for fuch pur
pofes ? Never : for it is phyfically impofEble, that
every man, woman, and child fhould ever meet
together for any purpofe. The appointment of
deputies will riot conquer the "difficulty. The very
appointment of delegates fuppofes that a fociety
had been already formed ; but Mr. Pain is in a
"lavage flate; he is arguing about rights of man who
.have not yet entered into fociety. The fact is,
that Pain, with peculiar artifice, every where fup
pofes, what he cannot prove; thafmankind at fome
period exifted without fociety, and without govern
ment. He was naturally led to irifift both in his
Common Senfe, and in his Rights of Man, that Great
Britain has no conflitution, and no laws ; in order,
that he might, with characteriftic feditibufhefs, urge.
the people to form tumultuouffyi a different con
ftitution, and lefs falutary laws.
The

THOMAS PAIN. 73
The queftion of changing government, then, is
to be determined by the maxims of general foci
ety; by the rules ofthe particular fociety of Great
Britain. Thus much being fettled, faid the critics,
there can be no doubt, that according to the laws
of the land, every man, any number of men, any •
community, may petition for redrefs of grievances;
for the repeal of an old law, or the introduction of
a new one. This is done daily, during the fitting
of parliamtnt, and it is done rightfully.
But the queftion is, whether, according to the
laws of Great Britain-, any man, any number of
men, any club of men, may attempt by violence
to cafhier governors, to change government,, or to
alter the conftitution. The anfwer is, that the laws" v
of Great Britain do not allow fuch attempts ; that
the laws of Great Britain punifh all perfons, as
traitors, who make fuch attempts. Thus, Lord
Loughborough explained the law, upon the point,
when he delivered his charge to the grand jury, in
the Borough, who were to indict the rioters, in
1780*. Thus, upon the trial of Lord George
Gordon, Lord Mansfield declared the opinion of
the whole court, which was not controverted by
any lawyer, or any man. Lord Mansfield went a
flep further: as there had been fome doubts, he de-
* The critics generally ufe fuch authorities as they have at
hand: and they quoted, on this occafion, thai ufeful book
Dodfley'a Regifter, 1780, p. 277, for Lord Loughborough*
celebrated charge, \ K clared

7+ THE LIFE OF
clared the opinion of the judges to be, that though
every perfon, and any number of perfons, had a right
£o afk for the redrefs of grievances, yet the petition
muft be prefented by no more than ten perfons, or
the parties would be punifhed as criminals *.
Yet, Pain declares^ that the conftitution of Great
Britain does not exift ; the laws not to exift ; the
government not to exift. We are now, faid the
critics, difcuffing an important fubject candidly.
It is not fufficient to afifert any pofition, upon
which Revolutions are to be built. Every rea-
foner muft prove his own premifes, before he
be allowed to draw his conclufions. But, as a
whole nation bear teftimony to the fact, that
the conftitution, and laws, and government of
Great Britain do exift, we are obliged, faid the
critics, to tell Mr. Pain, that he argues here, and
through the greater part of his writings, with the
confidence of a fophift, and the feditioufnefs of an
incendiary. Now, from the fact, that the Britifh conftitu
tion does exift, it follows as an undeniable confe-
quence, that the political cafes, in Mr. Pain's
pamphlet, are to be determined by a reference to
the laws of Great Britain. It is, therefore, nonfen-
fical and wicked in our Anarch, to refer continu
ally in his reafonings, to a flate of favagenefs, that
never exifted; or indeed, to any other, than the
* Dodfley's Regifter, 1780, p. 236, for Lord Mansfield's
charge to the jury, on Lord George Gordon's trial. political

th6mas Pain. 75
political fyftem of the particular country, about
which he treats. And we were thus led, faid the
critics, to fufpect, that the ultimate object of Pain,
and of thofe who circulate his tracts, muft have
been, to give themfelves little trouble about the
conftitution and laws of Great Britain, when they
can collect numbers fgfficient to overturn both by
a tumult. We were urged, faid the critics, by the appre-
henfions, which are natural to age, to look forward^
from fuch i reafonings, to fhe end ; in order to en
quire, — What would be the immediate confe-
quences of annihilating the conftitution and the laws
by a tumult? All the rights of fociety, which are
emanations from them, would be annihilated by
the fame ftroke of violence. Whoever holds any
right under the common law, would lofe it; who
ever enjoys any privilege under an act of parliament,
would lofe it; whoever partakes of any franchife
from a charter, would lofe it: for all thofe rights
are derived only from the laws of fociety, and the
foundation being removed, the fuperftructure muft
fall. Having lived long enough, faid the critics,
to prefer prefent enjoyment to future expectation,
we are unwilling to truft our liberty, our effects, and
our lives, to the promifes of a writer, whofe pur
pofe is to delude, or to the engagements of focieties,
whofe defigns are not to fave, but to deftroy.
Such would be the loffes, were the conftitution
overturned by a tumult, Now, what would be
K 2 the

76 T H E L I F E O F
the gains ? Would any one be wifer, richer, or
happier, fuppofe a revolution accomplifhed? What
happened in America, when independence was
obtained, would again happen in Britain. We
fhould be all difappointed in our hopes ; we fhould
be all ruined in our fortunes ; we fhould be all
miferable from difappointment ; and perhaps we
fhould only have to lament, that we had trufted
to promifes, which were never intended to be per
formed. But, Pain has engaged to make all men equal :
Can he make the weak equal to the ftrong ? Can
he make the old young ? Can he make the indolent
equal to the induftrious ? Can he convert idiots into
wife men ? No ; nature will have her way.
Were mankind levelled, by whatever violence, in
their intellects, their fortunes, and their titles, can
Pain keep them equal by any means'? The fludent
will ever be fuperior to the idler, the bufy will' al
ways be richer than the indolent, and opulence will
in every fituation be more worfhipped than poverty,
were our prefent titles to be fuppreffed to-morrow :
he, then, who promifes, what he plainly cannot
perform, ought to be defpifed as a quack, who in
fallibly kills, by his ignorant attempts to cure.
The remedies of Pain, as a ftate phyfician, are
ail violent. He prefcribes immediate amputation
for the flighteft fore. He has never for a moment
reflected, that mankind, confidered either perfonally,
or 'politically, were not fo formed, as to admit of
violent

THOMAS PAIN. 77
violent changes. They advance -and decline gra
dually. And their deftrudtion, whether we regard
their natural, or their political, ftate, is equally ac-
complifhed by convulfions.
The critics were, in this manner, led on to warn
every patient againft fuch a phyfician as Pain, who,
either from r*afhnefs, or from wickednefs, cares
not much, whether he kill, or cure. And, they
proceeded, fecondly, to. confider, the hiftorical part
of Rights of Man. As an hiftorian, Mr. Pain plainly
takes, his fide. He avows it to be his purpofe, to
elevate one party, and to deprefs the other. A
party-pamphlet may anfwer a party-purpofe : but
mankind agree to reprobate a party-hiftory. As
an hiftorian, his great object was to recommend
the proceedings of the National Affembly of
France, however violent, or abfurd, to the imitation
of the Englifh people. With regard to the tranf-
actions of that affembly and their deplorable ef
fects, experience has at length clearly decided.
The Englifh people have fpoken their fentiments
very plainly of the works of the National Affem
bly, as legiflators, and of the performance of Pain,
as an hiftorian, both as to his ftyle and matter.
The critics proceeded, thirdly, to the miscellaneous
part of Mr. Pain's pamphlet, wherein he treats of
political ceconomy. All that he had retaikd in his
. Profpetls on the Rubicon, with regard to money, and
credit, and commerce, he interweaves into his
Rights of Man. As he deals much in Sophifms, he

78 THELIFEOF
he now difpofes of great abundance of fuch goods.
He is chiefly anxious to prove, that there is no
wealth but money. The cattle of the farmer are
not wealth, it feems ; whatever wares the fhop-
keeper may have in the warehoufe, he is not
wealthy, if he have no money in the till; the
knowledge and induftry of a tradefman .are not
wealth, if he have no cafh in the cheft. By thus
afferting money alone to be wealth, and fhewing
how much coin had been brought into this ifland,
and how little remained in it ; he endeavours to
prove, that Great Britain has, at prefent, lefs com
merce and opulence, than this ifland had, in former
times. He had no knowledge, it feems, that there
is a traffic' in bullion. He did not know, or he
would not tell, that foreign coins are continually
imported, and fent out, juft as there is a demand
for them at home, or abroad.
In this manner, Pain was induced by his pur
pofe to darken the profpects before his readers, that
they might fee nothing diftinctly. Of courfe, he
fhewed them none of the reforms, which had been
made, during the period whereof he treated, -from
December 1783, to December 1790. The im
provements of the Conftitution he did not acknow
ledge as fuch ; becaufe, being all moderate or gra
dual, they did not remove fome foundation. He
laid before his readers none of the good effects,
that had flowed from thofe improvements and re
forms. The public revenue was augmented; a
finking

THOMAS PAIN. 79
finking fund was created; private credit was
thereby ftrengthened ; induftry was promoted ;
manufactures were encouraged ; commerce was
extended : And the refult of the whole was, though
Pain concealed it, that in December 1783, the
three per cent, confols. were 57, yet, in December,
1790, they were 81 ; that out Jhipping and foreign
trade at both thefe periods were, as reprefented in
the following flatement :
Ships outwards. Goods
Tons Brit. Tons for. Total. exported.
In 1783 795-669 '57>969 953*638 £.14,756,818
1790 1,424,915 148,919 1,573.831 20,120,121

Notwithftanding the artifice of Pain, it clearly
appeared that, as an hiftorian, he conceals what he
ought to flate, and as a reafoner, he argues againft
his own conviction. The critics were, in this man
ner, obliged to conclude, that the writer who mif-
reprefents facts, and thereby mifleads the unwary,
muft neceffarily have fome bad defign, which he
is afraid to avow, and which ought to be ex-
pofed, in order to obftruct the intended mifchief.
The reviews of criticifm, however, did not pre
vent Pain from receiving the applaufe of party,
fince he promoted the interefts of faction. Nay,
philology came in the perfon of Home Tooke, f
who found out his retreat, after fome inquiry, to
mingle her cordial gratulations with the thanks of
greater powers : Tou are, faid he, like Jove, coming down

So THE LIFE OF
down upon us in a fhower of gold. Our fcribbler
was highly gratified by fuch attentions ; yet he was
not happy ; he plainly wilhed for fbmething, that
was ftudioufly withheld. Like honeft Rouffeau,
he longed for profecution. While fluttering on
the wing for Paris, he hovered about London a
whole week, waiting to be taken, not by the catch-
poles of creditors, but by the - runners of Bow-
ftreet. Yet, the meffengers of the prefs would not
meddle either with his perfon, or his pamphlet.
Upon what motives the government of Great Bri
tain acted, with regard to both, we have never
heard. Whether the minifters trufted to the good
fenfe of England, which generally gains the afcen-
dency ; whether they left his ftyle to be detected
by the fchool boys of England; whether they re-
linquifhed his fophifmsto be defpifed by the grown
men of England ; whether they gave up fuch a
character to the contempt of the women of Eng
land ; we may conjecture, but cannot tell.
At length, flung by difappointment, Pain de
parted for Paris, about the middle of May, 1791.
He foon found, that in France his prefcriptions
had worked wonders : The land was tumultuous ;
the government was diffolved ; and the people
were involved in the miferies of anarchy. In the
Btiidft of this confufion the executive power departed
from Paris : the executive power was foon arretted
by the executive power. Thefe confequences of
abfurd

THOMAS PAIN. it
Stbfurd principles and feditious practices, induced
•our author to obferve, with his ufual coolnefs to his
congenial friend, Mr. Thomas Chriftie: "You
" fee the abfurdity of monarchical governments ;
" here will be a whole nation difturbed by the
" folly of one man * !" Thus, the tongue conti
nually blurts out the prevailing fentiments of the
heart ! The experience of fuch men had never
taught them what mifchiefs had arifen, in every
country, from the madnefs of the multitude, when
directed by profligate leaders.
An example foon occurred, which ought to have
inftrufted both Chriftie and Pain : a fentimental
mob f affembled in Paris, to behold the executive
power return : and concurrence of opinion led
Pain to mingle with the many, on that occafion.
An officer proclaimed the, will of the National
Affembly, that all fhould be filent and covered. In
a moment, all tongues were ftill; all hats were on.
Not fo our adventurer : He had loft his cockade j
and to have a hat, without a cockade, was treafon.
A cry arofe, Ariftocrat ! Ariftocrat ! A' la lanterns I
A' la lanterne ! Whether he preferved his ufual
coolnefs, during this uncommon danger, we are
unable to tell. A Frenchman, who could fpeak
Englifh, defired him to put on his hat : But, the
* See Mr. Thomas Chriftie's letter, dated from Paris; June
22d, 1791; and publifhed in the Morning Chronicle, ' of the|
49th of June, 1791. t Chriftie's Letter.
' L hat

tz THELIFEOF
hat not having a cockade, he was involved in a
fad dilemma; and the fentimental mob was, with
fome difficulty, fatisfied by prudent explanation.
Pain was now left to balance coolly in the fcale,
whether the folly of one man, or the frenzy of the
mob, be moft rhifcbievous, or moft inconfiftent
with freedom. Political prejudice, like the jaun
dice, gives a fickly colour to the effervefcence of
the mind. And we may eafily fuppofe, that Pain,
like other men, who confound liberty and anarchy
together, was not even then convinced, by his own
perfonal danger, that there is no fafety for property,
freedom, or life, in a country, where the individual
may be inftandy executed, for not having a cockade
in his hat.
In the midft of this turmoil, Pain endeavoured,
with more confidence than fuccefs, to enter into a
political conteft with Mr. Emanuel Syeyes, who,
in old times, was called the Abbe Syeyes. The
Abbe, who was the father of the new conftitution
of France, obferving that the republican party had
only been feen, fince the 21ft of June, 1790,
avowed his purpofe to defend his own principles
againft the republican fyftem. Pain fnatched at
the glove, which had not been caft down; and
declared war againft the whole hell of monarchy *.
The Abbe, however, could not leave his daily
t occupations to fill the journals with controverfy.
* See his well-known letter to Mr. Syeyes. Pain

THOMAS PAIN. Stf
Pain was preparing for his return to England. And
thus ended the difpute, which is not much to be
lamented ; becaufe, if we may judge from the fpe
cimen juft mentioned, were to be expected from
him J neither elegance of language, nor candour of
difcuffion. Syeyes is one of the fyftem-builders
of the times, who exclaimed, when his fabrick fell
down, what mind could have thought it? It was
never confidered, it feems, that a palace muft have
props. Well-meaning men, when they are bufy
about the prefent, feldom look forward to the fu
ture, or ever fufpect, that they are continually
made the inftruments of thofe, who always mean ill.
Pain returned to the White Bear, Piccadilly, on
the 13th of July, 1791, juft time enough to par
take in the celebration of the French revolution,
on the fubfequent day. Yet it was deemed pro
per, that he fhould not appear at the dinner : and
he came not to the Crown and Anchor Tavern till
eight o'clock, when the celebrators had been hiffed
away by the multitude. He partook, however, in
the mortifications, which the avowed defigns of the
democrats foon drew down on themfelves. When
the people faw them, braving the laws, without re
garding the public opinion, or the peace of the
country, the indignation of the people broke forth
with a difcriminating violence. The democrats,
however, made an unfuccefsful effort to regain #
their influence with the mob : and, with this defign,
they publifhed from the Thatched-houfe Tavern,
La on

S£ T H E '] L I F E OF
on the 20th of Auguft, 1791, a feditious declara
tion, which induced the tavern-keeper to forbid
therh his houfe, and which Pain ftudioufly avows
to be the production of his own pen.
After this florm a calm enfued. Our Anarch
deemed this a fit occafion to vlfit our fifter king
dom ; with the intention, ntfdoubt, of giving the-
Irifh a few leffons of political happinefs. But, on
the eve of his departure, he received certain in
formation, that a monftrous good natured friend had
publifhed this narrative, through every county,
town, and village of Ireland.; in order to fhew the
Irifh how much they, might truft to his veracity,
and how much they might profit- from his morals.
On this news, Pain retired to.Greenwichi where
he might carry on, unfeen^ his declared war againft
the hell of monarchy, by writing his fecond part of
Rights of Ma*t.
From this obfcurity he emerged, on the eve of
the gunpowder plot, at the accuftomed commemo
ration of the 4th of November, by the Revolu
tion Society, though he avows his deteftarion of
king William and queen Mary. On this day, he
feems to have been a welcome gueft. Thanks
were given him for Rights of Man. When his
health was drank, Pain gave, in return, as an ap
propriate toaft, " The Revolution of the World."
When the meaning was afked, there were, who <
'cried with Cleaveland- —
" Ceafe expofitor ! the text is plain :
(' No church, no lord, no law, no fovereign."
From,

THOMAS PAIN. 8;
From the •feftive fcene, which was intended, no
doubt, by celebrating the paft, to produce new re
volutions, our Anarch retired into the receffes of
Fetter'-laN'E. About Chriftmas 1791, he was
carried by Mr.. Chapman, the printer, to lodge at
No. 10, in Dean-ftreet, Fetter-lane, the houfe of
Mr. Evans, a mathematical inftrument maker, at
the rate of feven fhillings. a week. He was intro
duced by Mr. Chapman, as a great man. Yet,
with all his greatnefs, he would not have been re
ceived as a lodger, had he been known to be the
great Anarch of the times. As an inmate, how
ever, he behaved quietly, except when intoxicated,
being then fomewhat noify. He went feldom
out, and was vifited by few ; being almoft always
engaged in. writing. This lodging he retained till
his final departure to France, without troubling the
family with much of his talk.
The acquaintance between Pain arid Chapman,
which was thus ftrengthened by kindnefs, com
menced, when the firft part of Rights of Man was
to bg printed. The well known Mr. Thomas
Chriftie introduced the author to the printer, for
that purpofe. Mr. Chapman was again employed
to print the fecond part of the old tune, in Septem
ber 1791. At the hofpitable table of Mr. Chap
man, Pain ufed to fpend a pleafant evening, after
the folitary labours of the day. This commodious
intercourfe continued till the 16th of January
1792, when, with his ufual attention to the rights of
women^

«6 THE LIFE OF
women, he infulted Mrs. Chapman. He had,
been to dine with Mr. J.- Johnfon in St. Paul's
Church-yard, where he had made much ufe of the
bottle. According to his conftant practice, when
intoxicated, his virulent converfation turned wholly
on religion. He now abufed the Diffenters, faying,
he had a bad opinion of them, as he believed them
to be a pack of hypocrites. The printer, who is a
Diffenter, parted on that occafion with the author
for ever, when he fent him the copy of Rights of
Man, which he at length perceived to be of a dan
gerous tendency *.
In this extremity, Mr. Pain's refources did not
fail him. What would have been a difappointr
ment to other men, this unrivalled politician con
verted into an accommodation. He announced in
the newfpapers, that the meffengers of the prefs,
having frightened his printer, had obliged him to
employ a different workman : and he related in
his Appendix, with his accuftomed veracity, that his
proofs had been feen, before they were printed ;
* Pain has given, this ftory with his ufual dexterity, in his
Appendix, arid with various circumftances, which might have
been interefting, if they had been true. See Mr. Chapman's tef-
timony on Pain's trial, Gurney's edition, p. 86 — 9. It is not
true, that his proofs were feen. Not one of his affertions, con-
fequently, is true. , And the tale was told to hurt the printer,
to whom he owed obligations, fince no body elfe can it hurt. —
* " . .
" It is the wit and policy of fin,
" To hate thofe men we have abufed," and

THOMAS PAIN. If
and that his budget had been ftolen, before it
exifted. Thus it is to have invention ! The part
of the work, which had been rejected by Mr.
Chapman, as of a dangerous tendency, was trans
ferred, to Mr. Crowther, who, as all other of Pain's
printers and bookfellers have each had a quarrel to
fuftain, will alfo have his.
But the Englifh world was at that epoch too
bufy with its own affairs to intereft itfelf in the
fquabble between Pain and his printer. Experience
had fhewn, that the meffengers of the prefs did
not trouble themfelves with the pamphlet of the
one, or the work of the other. It was prefumed,
that the typographer, who had printed part the firft
of Rights of Man, need, have no fcruples about part
the fecond. The book was at laft publifhed, after
fome obftrudtions, by Mr. J. Jordan, on the t6th
of February, 1792.
Grown bolder from impunity, the author no
longer fkulked, on the eve of. publication. He
wrote to Jordan on the 16th of February 1792,
" Tl||t if any perfon under the fanction of autho-
" rity fhould inquire reflecting the author and-
tc publifher, to mention him, as he would appear
" and anfwer for the work perfonally." Yet, no
one with, or without authority, feems to have in
quired, during many months, about the author.
And, after all thofe artifices to incite curiofity, ap
peared, without attracting much notice, for fome
time,

88 THELIFEOF
time, Rights of Man, part the fecond, which \t
is now our bufinefs to
Review.
This is a three fhilling pamphlet, which is ftill
larger than part the firft, and which, with its de
dication to Mr. Fayette, its preface^ its introduc
tion, its five chapters, and its appendix; extends
to one hundred and feventy-eight pages. The
author is fo continually occupied with Rights Of
Man, combining principle and practice, that ever
and anon he cries—
" No centaurs here, or gbrgons, look to find ;
" My fubject is of man and human kind."
Writers there are, who, whatever may be their
object, carry on their attacks by fa^ rather than
affault. Pain boldly avows his purpofe. He de
clares war againft the whole hell of monarchy.
He marches out with his blood-hounds, to hunt
down every thing, which is eftablifhed in the world,
however facred, and however legal. He carries
on inveterate hoftilities againft the conftitutign, the
laws, and the magiftrates of Great Britain. And
we are not, in the midft of this civil war between
Pain and the nation, to ' expect either fairnefs of
reprefentation, or candour of reafoning, but the
accuftomed rancour of domeftic feuds. He is not
fcrupulous about the means, in order to gain his
end ; which is plainly to overthrow all that is con
ftitutional, and to degrade all that is veuerable.
2 He

THOMAS PAIN.,. 89
He had been fo ill ferved by the committee of
democrats, who corrected his firft work, that he
was induced, when preparing the fecond, to afk
the help of Mr. Home Tooke. His fecond part
is certainly more elaborate than the firft. He has
now fewer philological flaws. But, as Mr. Home
Tooke could not be always at hand, his abfence
may be eafily traced through the illiterate pages of
Rights of Man. And thus, part the fecond is
flill debafed, though not fo much as .the firft, by
iad grammar and bad Englifh, by falfe idioms and
grofs improprieties. Let us give an example or
two of his
Bad Grammar.
" There is exifting," fays he *, " in man [man
kind] a mafs of fenfe lying in a dormant flate, and
which, unkfs fomething excite; [excite] it to ac
tion, will defcend with him [them] in that condi
tion to the grave." Being a hater of authority,
Pain transferred his principles of government to
grammar : and as an enemy to precedents, he, of
courfe, contemns the ufage of good writers, as he
defpmes the cuftoms of fettled governments.
Now, gentle reader, mark the . confequences of
contemning the ufage of good writers, in the fol*
lowing example f : "If there is [be] a country in
" the world where concord would be leaft expected,
" it is America. In the flate of New- York, about
* Page 27, and 49.
i See p. 12, the text and note,
M « half

9o THELIFEOF
" half are [is] Dutch, the reft Is Englifh, Scotc|t,
" and Irifh. In New-Jerfey, a mixture [there is
" a mixture] of Englifh and Dutch: In Penfyl-
,c vania about one third are [is] Englifh, another
" [is] Germans, and the remainder [isj Scotch
" and Irifh, with fome Swedes. The ftates to the
" fouthward have a greater proportion of Englilh ;
" and befides thofe enumerated, there are [is J a
" confiderabk number of French. The moft nume-
" rous religious denomination are [is] the Prefby-
" terians ; but, no one feet is eftablifhed above ano-
" ther [any more than another."] — In this ftrain
of falfe grammar and falfe fentiment. Pain fays in
page 1 5 :— " The origin of the prefent govern-
" ment [governments] of America and France will
" ever be remembered ; but with refpect to the
tf reft, even flattery has configned them [it] to the
•" tomb of time." This is a happy example of
bad Englifh,, falfe figure, and firie balderdafh.
" From fuch [a] beginning of governments, what
" could be expected," fays he * : — a fecond plun
derer fucceeded [to] the firft. " But, with refbect
" to the parts of fociety, it is [they are] continually
" changing its [their] place f." " From this, the
" ariftocracy are [is] in [a] great meafure ex-
" empt \." He fpeaks in his Appendix of " the
" taking off [of] taxes :" And, he adds, " every
" one of thofe fpecific taxes are [is] a part of the
* p. 16. + p. 26. | p. 105. " plan

THOMAS PAIN. $r
** plan contained in this work." If any doubt
fhould arife, he has a plan ready * : " Difcuffiori
f< and. the general will arbitrator [arbitrate] the
" queftion." Were tne queftion fent to, the fchool-
boys of England, as the arbitrators, the general will
would determine, without much difcuffion, that the
foregoing quotations exhibit the moft egregious
inftances of bad grammar and defpicable ignorance.
Pain carries his propenfities to favage life, into
the compofition of his ufual ftyle, by making co
pious ufe of what grammarians call
Barbarisms,
Among other novelties in his dedication tp
Fayette, we meet with feveral new words. What
he may fuppofe accomplifhable in fifteen years, the
dedicator may believe practicable in a fhorter pe
riod : yet, Pain would have the object accomplifhed
without any fufpicion of felf-defign. In page 2, he
talks, of the governmental perfecutions of the old
world. He has his doubts, in p. 26, whatwifdom
confMtuently is: But, he thinks in p. 16, that it
would be ridiculous to attempt to fix the heredi-
taryjhip of human beauty, as of wifdom. He is
for ftating the cafe to conferees, in p. 42. Yet, in
p, 105, it is not every one, that he will allow to
be participaters, in this conference. In this ftate of
uncivili%ation, [p. 80] he makes a new. difcovery ;
thathunger is not among the poftponeabk wants.
* p- ^
M 2 There,

9s THE LIFE OF
There are other faults of compofitipn, which are
allied to the foregoing; and which, being rude-
mixtures of fenfe with nonfenfe, of fcurrility with
falfhood, the critics have denominated
Balderdash. *
But who are thofe, Mr. Pain aflcs in his pre
face, p. ix, *f to whom Mr. Burke has made his
appeal ? A fet of childifh thinkers and half-way poli
ticians, born in the laft century." It might eafily
be proved, by this mode of reafoning, that Ha-
rington and 'Milton were childifh thinkers, that
Sydney and Locke were half-way politicians; as
they were all born in the laft century : But the
childifh thinkers and half-way polircians, to whom
Mr. Burke appealed, were Sir John Hawles, Mr.
Lechmere, General Stanhope, Sir Robert Walpole,
and Sir Jofeph Jekyl ; who are men, that ftand
yery prominent on the face of our jurifprudence
and hiftory. Indignation may prompt the reader
to cry out with Charles Cotton, in his Scoffer
Scofft :
"¦ It is not eafy, I confefs,
" To baffle fuch a plate of bntfs :
" For, in my days, I ne'er did heay
?• So jmpadent a fophjfter,"
It muft be criminal juftice indeed, fays Pain,
in the preface, p. x, that fhould condemn a work
as a fubftjtute for not being able to refute it." Refute
what ? Falfe grarnmar^ falfe affertiong, and falfe
I reafon-

THOMAS PAIN. 9j
reaforiings ! This puff of Pain muft, however, be
allowed to be a characleriftic fubftitute for inability
to write common Englifh :
" How fluent nonfenfe trickles from his tongue!
" How fweet the periods, neither faid nor fung !'*
In this fpirit of fluent nonfenfe he tells, in p. r,
How " the revolution of America, prefented in poli
tics, what was only theory in mechanics."— As Ame
rica, he adds, in p. 2> was the only fpot in the
political world, where- the principles of univerfal
reformation could begin, fo alfo was it the beft in
the natural world." Beft of what? Of fluent non
fenfe. He gives the anfwer in p. 3 ; " The exam
ple fhews to the artificial world, that man muft git
hack to nature for information. He points out,
however, in p. 4, another fource of information :
— " What is the hiftory of all monarchical go
vernments, but a difguftful picture of human
wretchednefs, and the accidental refpite of a few years
repofe ? Thus hiftory is made a piclure of wretched-
pefs, and moreover, a refpite of repofe.
" Dulnefs with tranfport eyes the lively dunce ;
" Rememb'ring fhe herfelf was pertnefs once."
From this hiftory, however, our author retails,
in page 6, rather uncomfortable news: "Thewdrd
government, robs induftry of its honours, by pedan-
ticly making itfelf the caufe of its effects; and
purloins from the general character of man, the
merits tha,t appertain to him as a focial being." -« Her»

•4 THE LIFE OF
" Here fhe beholds the chaos dark and deep,
" When namelefs fomethings in their caufes fleep ;
" How hints, like fpawn, fcarce quick in embryo lie,
" How new-born nonfenfe firft is taught to cry."
Our author, with moft accurate difcrimination,
gives a very fine fpecimen of new-born nonfenfe,
in page 7, where he inftructs the more youthful
reader — " That the laws, which common ufage
ordains, have a greater influence than the laws of
government. To underftand the nature and quan
tity of government proper for [a] man, it is ne-
ceffary to attend to his character. As nature cre
ated him for focial life, fhe fitted him for the flation
fhe intended." — Here we are taught, in the true
fpirit of balderdafh, that cuftom is more influential
than legiflation j that the nature of government is
to be learned from the character of a man ; and
that a man, being created for fociety, is fit for hir
ftation, Yet, we may gather from what Pain fays, in
page 13, that till now, men have not been fit
for their ftations. " One of the great advantages
of the American Revolution has been, that it led
to a difcovery of the principles, and laid open the
impofition of governments," Thus, till that great
event, we fee men had not difeovered the prin
ciples, or traced the impofition, of governments.
He immediately adds the reafon : " All the revolu
tions till then had been worked within the atmof-
phere of a court, and never on the great floor of
a nation."

THOMAS PAIN. gt
a nation." We ought not to be furprized, then,
when he tells, in page 1 5, " That with refpect to
fuch governments, even flattery has configned them
(attend good reader) to the tomb of time, without
an infeription." " Here one poor word an hundred clenches makes,
" And ductile dulnefs new meanders takes,"
Nor, ought the more fearful reader to be afton-
ifhed, that fuch governments fhould be configned
to a tomb; for, in page 22, our author afferts, in
the true idiom of balderdafh, " That, in monar
chical countries, government js formed on fuch an
abject levelling fyftem, it has no fixed character.
To-day it is one thing ; to-morrow it is fomething.
elfe. It is government through the medium of
paffions and accidents. It appears under all the
various characters of childhood, decrepitude, do
tage!; a thing at nurfe, in leading-firings, or in
crutches." Nor ought we to be furprized at what
our author gravely tells, in page 6, " That govern
ment will degenerate into ignorance." Let us
however remember, that •
" His morals, like his wit, are motley too ;
.** He keeps from arrant knave with much ado :
" But, vanity and lying fo prevail,
" That one grain more of each would turn the fcale."
He even goes beyond his own balderdafh in
page 28 z " Hereditary fucceffion requires the fame
obedience

$5 TH'BLIFEQB
obedience to ignorance, as to wifdorh; and when
once the mind can bring itfelf to pay this indis
criminate reverence, it defcends below the ftature. of
mental manhood. It ails a treachery upon itfelf, and
fuffocates ¦ the fenfations that urge to detection.''
Oh lud I cries the more democratical reader,
what a charming paffage ! See how the mind de
fcends below the ftature of mental manhood ; fee
how it acts a treachery upon itfelf: behold how the
mind even fuffocates fenfations I And, our author
immediately fubjoins, what will give fuch readers-
inexpreflible delight, " that fimple democracy was
no other than the common-hall of the ancients. But,
what is called a republic is not any particular form
of government." No wonder thefocieties are vaftly
delighted with a mode of writing, which is pecu*
liar to Mr. Pain, who, in his own ftyle,
" Spurs boldly on, and writes thro' thick and thin,
" Thro' fenfe and nonfenfe, never out, nor in."
Indeed, none but himfelf can he his parallel. And,
it would be fruitlefs to look in any author for pa
rallels to the fpecimens of balderdafh, which we
find in pages 30, 31, and 32 ; and which, as
Dryden would fay, he has compiled with " much
malice, mingled with little wit." Respublica,
fays Pain, or literally tranfiated, the- public thing,
' is a word of good original, referring to the cha
racter and bufinefs of government; arid in this
fenfe is naturally oppofed to the word monarchy, which

THOMAS PAIN. 97
which has a bafe Original fignification. It means
arbitrary power in an individual perfon, in the
exercife pf which, himfelf, and not the refpublica, is
the object. Various forms of government have
affeSled to ftyle themfelves a republic. Simple de
mocracy was fociety governing itfelf, without the
aid of fecondary means ; and that alfo with advan
tages as much fuperior to hereditary government,
as the republic of letters is to hereditary literature.
Thus, through darknefs vifible thou feeft, good
reader, that the public thing refers to the charatler
of government ; that the word monarchy means
arbitrary power ; that forms of government have
affeSed to ftyle themfelves a republic ; and that
hereditary government is nearly allied to hereditary
literature. " Thy hand, great Anaich, lets the curtain fall,
•* And univerfal darknefs buries all."
, 1 Similar examples of balderdafh might be found
. in almoft every paragraph. But, were WE' to
point them out with minute diligence, the difguft
of the reader would probably be the only reward
of our toil. Pain at length arrogates to himfelf
the honours of political literature. He builds his
own fame on the degradation of D'Avenant, Petty,
and Locke. On fuch an occafion,lt became ne-
ceffary to ftate, with fome minutenefs, his bad
grammar and bad Englifh, his nonfenfe, and his, bal-
derdafh, in order to enable every reader to deter-
N mine,

98 T H E L I F E O F
mine, whether his claims be juft; and whether he,
who feoffs at the illuftrious men, whofe talents
have added to the dignity of our ifland, be not
rather an illiterate and nonsensical writer ;-»
ff He that detrafts, or envies virtuous merit,
f Is ftill the covetous, and the ignorant fpirit."
There is another mode of writing, which is
extremely analogous' to balderdafh, which may be
feen in every page of Rights of Man, and is by
the critics denominated
Misrepresentation.
It is eafy to conceive that, in writers, who, with
Pain, dafih through thick and thin, this fault may
arife fometimes from ignorance, but oftener frorn
deceit. It is propofed to fubmit a few examples
of our author's mifreprefentqtion, in order to enable
the reader to determine, whether, in Rights of Man,
there be the moft deceit or ignorance.
Carried away by—
". His innate antipathy to kings,"
he is ftudious to inculcate, that rnonarchs never
1 1 promote knowledge among their people^ in order
to profit from their unfkilfulnefs. He does not
advert, that much of the knowledge of France is
owing to the fcientific eftablifhments of Lewis
XIV. He has never heard, it feems, that Peter
the Great became a fhip- carpenter, that he might
inftruct his fubjects in the ufeful arts. Kings and
bifhops

tiioMAs PAIN. 99
bilhops were the founders of all the univerfities of
Europe. Nay, King William and Queen Mary*
who are the peculiar objects of Pain's abhorrence*
founded the college of Virginia. Our prefent fo>
vereign has difplayed unexampled zeal, through a
long reign, in forming literary focieties, in patro
nizing the elegant arts, in collecting information
from every fea, and from every fhore, for the im
provement of his people. Thus we fee, that
" Detraction's a bold monfterj and fears not
" To wound the fame of princes, if it find
" But any blemifh in their lives to work on/*
In the true fpirit of detraclion, Pain informs us,
in p. 145, that the firft eftablifhment of excife
.laws " was at what is called the reftorationi or the.
coming of Charles II ;" who, if he did not bring
in the excife, founded the royal fociety for the
cultivation of natural knowledge. Sir John Sin
clair, whofe hiftory of the public revenue he had
before him, had told him, had he inquired for the
truth, that the excife had its origin at a prior
epoch. Scobell * would have fhewn him, had he
wifhed for light, that there was eftablifhed, on the
9th of January, 1643-4, "an excife on Jlejh, vic
tuals, and fait." And Stevens would have in^
ftructed him, as he has long fince informed the
world f> " that there were raifed in England, by
* Page 60. + Hiftory of Taxes, p. 289.
N 2 the

joo THE LIFE OF
the long parliament, Oliver Cromwell, and the
other ufurping powers, from the 5th of Novem
ber, 1640, to the 5th of November, 1659, in
Excises, the fum only of io,2oo,oool." This is
what Pain calls the republkan economy of taxes.
And, thus we perceive—
" He will lie, like a lapwing, when fhe flies
" Far from her fought neft, ftill here 'tis, fhe cries."
Pain was led by the policy of the lapwing, trj
fix the epoch of the excife at the Reftoration, in
order to inftrudt * the ignorant, " that the arifto-
cratical intereft then in power commuted the feu
dal fervices, by laying a tax on beer brewed for
fale : the ariftocracy do not purchafe beer brewed for
fale-" as the alehoufe keepers in Weftminfter can
no doubt teftify. The act of Parliament -\ gave
no exemptions ; yet he adds in a note, " the tax
on beer brewed for fale, from which the ariftocracy
are exempt, is almoft one million more than the
Commutation-act, being 1,666,152k Every one
knows, that the excife extends merely to public
dealers, but not to private perfons, from a regard
to the liberty of the fubject. But when an excife
man, who knows the truth, talks in this manner of
exemptions which do not exift, we may be con
vinced, that
" Men, who make envy. and crooked malice
" Their nourifhment, dare bite the beft."
* P. 102, 14c. t jz Cha. II. ch". 24.
1 This

THOMAS PAIN. ioj
This wonderful financier goes even beyond thofe
wilful mifreprefentations, which prove the fediti-
pufne'fs of his pamphlet, when he fpeaks ofthe land-
tax *. " The only ufe the houfe of peers has
" made of its feparate reprefentation (and which
" it has always made) is to ward off taxes from
" itfelf. Notwithstanding taxes have multiplied
" upon every article of common confumption, the
" land-tax, which more particularly affects this
" pillar, has diminifhed. In 1788, the amount
" of the land-tax was 1,950,0001. which is half a
" million lefs than it produced almoft an hundred
"¦ years ago." And he adds in the note, " See
Sir John Sinclair's Hiftory of the Revenue. The
land-tax in 1646 was 2,473,4991." — As fraud deals
in generals, no page is quoted. But Sir John
informs us, vol. I. page 172, that the parliamen
tary affeffments on perfonal property and land
varied from 35,000!. to 1 20,cool. a month. Now,
if we take the average of both; the annual amount
will be only 930,0001. Sir John fays, in page
176, that the amount of the land-tax, in- the nine
teen years from the 3d of November 1640, to the
5th November 1659, was 32,172,3211. Now,
the average of this total is only 1,693,280!. in
every year. We may eafily fuppofe, that our au
thor's propenfities dafhed into his eftimate the con-
fifcations of bifhops lands and loyalifts eftates. He
* P. 1 00- 1. wilfully

,02 THE LIFE OP
wilfully forgets, that the land tax has been con-
flantly at four fhiUings in the pound, fince the
peace of 1783, though this be rather unexampled,
during peaceful periods, in former times. He alfo
forgets, that the owners of land pay all taxes on
confumption, and the land-tax befides. He for
gets the doctrine of Locke, that all taxes fall ulti
mately upon land, being the permanent fund.
** *Tis not the wholefome, fharp morality,
" Or modeft anger of a fatyric fpirit,
" That wounds or hurts the body of a ftate ;
" But the finifter application
" Of the malicious, ignorant, and bafe
« Interpreter."
Our interpreter goes on to remark, in page 10 1,
that the confequence of exempting the land-owners,
has been a conftant encreafe in the wretchednefs
of the poor, and the amount of the poor-rates."
And he tells hiftorically, in page 1 24,' " The poor-
rates began about the time of Henry Vlllth, when
the taxes began to encreafe." Yet, true it is,
that the poor-rates began during the prudent and
frugal reign of Elizabeth, almoft feventy years after
his epoch, in confequence of the flatute 43 Eliz.
chap. ii. which, combining employment with relief,
formed a very different fyftem, had it been pro
perly executed, from Pain's propofals of penfions
and idlenefs, to the amount of four millions a year
out of the furplus taxes * : —
" On principles of pure good hufbandry."
* P. ix
From

THOMAS PAIN. 10$
From 'this falfe delineation of the origin and
policy of our poor laws, which he ridiculoufly calls
fhe inftruments of civil torture *, Pain naturally pro
ceeds to reprefent the fuperior condition of Eng
land, during the reign of Henry VIII. to that cf
the prefent in refpect to freedom, police, and
weakh. He is very copious as to the tyranny, the
wretchednefs, and the poverty of the prefent times.
But he quite forgets, that there were in the prifons
pf England, under Henry VIII. for debts and
crimes, upwards of fixty thoufand perfons, if we
may believe an act- of parliament -j- ; that during
his reign, there were feventy-two thoufand perfons
executed for theft and robbery ; or nearly two
thoufand a year, as Harrifon afferts. At prefent,
there are not yearly executed fifty perfons for fimi-
lar crimes. Thefe facts have induced hiftorians to
remark J, that there has been a great improve
ment in morals fince the reign of Henry VIII. and
this improvement has been chiefly owing to the
increafe of induftry, which has given maintenance,
and what is of almoft equal importance, occupa
tion to the lower claffes.
Obferving that poor-rates and taxes, induftry,
and trade, are all twifted together, Pain is led to ftate,
in his own manner, « that. in America, the increafe
of commerce is greater than in England." Every
* P. 136. +3 Hen, VIIL ch. 1 c. % Hume,
y.oJ,IV. p. 275. one

104 THE LIFE OF
one will fbelieve this, who knows, that the Ameri
can citizens have larger commercial capitals, a
wider, range of trade, and a greater extent of cor
refpondence, than the Englifh merchants. He
confirms this reafoning, by an affertion, that before
the war, Philadelphia had eight or nine hundred
veffels, yet in 1788, had upwards of twelve hun
dred. And from this affertion, he logically proves*,
that " as the ftate of Pennfylvania is eftimated as
an eighth part of the United States in population,
the whole number of veffels muft now be nearly
ten thoufand." He forgets, that Connecticut has
very little fhipping; that Jerfey has none; that
the Delaware counties have very few veffels ; that
North Carolina has equally few ; that South Ca
rolina has very few ; and that Georgia has fewer
ftill. Pain, doubtlefs, learned from Croufaz, or
from Watts, the admirable logic, whereby he de-
monftrates mathematically, that the number of
fhips muft be in proportion to the population of
any country, or town ; thus, Liverpool having fe~
venty thoufand inhabitants, has more fhipping than
Ireland, which has three millions and a half of
people : and China, having eight times as many
inhabitants as Great Britain, muft necefiarily have
pine hundred and fixty thoufand veffels for foreign
yoyages, * Page 85, But,

TH OM AS PAIN.

JOJ

Bat, in proving how much more rapidly the
American trade increafes than the Britifh com
merce, he forgets, with his ufual defign to deceive,
one fide of the comparifon. Pain's forgetfulneft:
will, however, be fupplied by the following
Table.

Epochs;

Shipping outwards.

Valci or

Goods
Tons Brit.
Tons foreign
Total.
EXPORTED.
In 1792 --
1,562,927
i7S»556
L738.4-83
23,277,2721
' 1791--
1,511,246
184,729
' .695.975
22,731,995
1790--
1,424,91,5.
148,919
".573.831
20,120,121
1783 --
795,6.69
157,969
953.638
14,756,818
1772-73-74
795.943
64,232
860,13,5
15,613,003
1764-65-66
639,872
68,136
708,008
14,925,950
1749-50-51
609,798
51.386
661,184
12,599,112
1726-27-28
432,832
23,651
456.483
7.89L739
1713-14-15
421,431
26,573
448,004
7.696.57s
1 700-01-02
273.693
43.635
317.328
6.645,432
1688 --
'9°. 533
95,267
285,800
4,086,087
Whatever the commercial attainments of the
American States may be, fuch are the fucceffive
and" rapid augmentations ofthe fhipping and traf
fic of Great Britain frOm 16 815 to 1793. Pain
derides the revolution as ufelefs, the acceffion of
the Hanover family as undefirable, and the con
ftitution itfelf as unfubftantial. But, the true
mode of judging, with regard to political inftitu-
tions, is by their falutary influences. Now, the
foregoing Table demonftrates the amount of our
fhipping and commerce, at the epoch of the revo
lution, their fubfequent advance, and their pYefent
exaltation. It is unneceffary to inquire, whether
O deceit,
106 THE LI FE O F
deceit, or demonftration, ought to have the moft in
fluence on our judgement and our practice.
Such are the misrepresentations, which we
Wave felected from the large collection in Rights of
Man, in order to enable the reader to form a
judgment of Pain's veracity and knowledge ; of
his ability to inform, and of his defign to delude.
Nearly connected with fuch mifreprefentations is
another fault in writing, which confifts in the au
thor's coming too often and too forward on the
paper himfelf; and which the critics reprobate un
der the name of
Egotism.
He ftruts out once more on his tifle-page) va.
the face of the eompleteft detection, as the fecre
tary of the congrefs; though he had been merely
the clerk of a committee. He affumes ftill higher
importance in his dedication to Mr. Fayette. He
is proud of a fifteen year's acquaintance v he is
hoaftful "»of the various confutations, to which
he had been admitted in Europe." When the
American revolution was eftabliflied, / fek a dif
pofition to fit ferenely down : Jam now once more
in the public world. I am refolved to labour as
faft as / can. / am anxious for your aid and
your company. " If you make a campaign in
the enfuing fpring, I will come and join you."
With what -'defign, good reader? To extinguifh
German defpotifm, and to furround France with
revolutions." Now, " Phyficians

•c

THOMAS PAIN. 107
" Phyficians hold the chief
" In all their cures, conceit? and ftrong belief."
Elevated by this conceit, he thus gafconades, in
p. 92 : " / have not only contributed to raife a
new empire in the world, founded on a new
" fyftem of government, but / have arrived at an
" eminence in political literature, the moft difficult
<f of all lines to fucceed and excel in, which arif-
" tocracy, with all its aids, has not been able to
" reach, or to rival." Our Bolingbrokes, and
" Somerfets, our Bacons, and Burleighs, are but
" puny politicians, when compared with Pain.
His independence, he fays, in p. 93, " gave me a
range in political writing, beyond, perhaps, what
any man ever poffefied 1 in any country ; and I
enjoy it undiminifhed to the prefent moment." In
political literature, what are Hooker and Chilling
worth, Warburton and Johnfon, to Pain ?. In this
ftyle of rhodomontade, he cries, in p. 91, "I fear
no confequence. Fortified with that proud inte-
grity? that difdains to triumph or to yield, I will
advocate the rights of man."
" Firm champion fortitude, that knows no, fears
" Of hides, blows, or want, -or — Jofs of ears."
With thefe previous difcuffions before us, which
evince how —
" Nice philofophy
" May tolerate unlikely arguments," — \ .
we may now proceed to review briefly, the feveral
heads of Rights of Man; beginning with
O 2 The

16$ THE LIFE OF
The Preface.
Whatever may be his fortitude or his fears, he is
willing to avoid any thing like fullen pride : He will
reply to any anfwer to Rights of Man, that fhall
extend to an half, or even to a fourth part of the
number of copies, to which the Rights of Man
extended ; but, until this be done, he will be guided
by the public, and what they do not think worth
while to read, is not worth his to anfwer. It re
quired not his avowal to prove, that —
«c Turbulent fpirits, rais'd beyond themfelves,
" With eafe are not fo foon laid."
Pain has indeed amply provided, that his writ
ings fhall not be eafily anfwered. The author, who
puts a new title-page to his book, every time that
he fends a frefh advertifement to the newfpapers,
cannot eafily be overtaken, in the number of his
editions *. When a work, extending to one hun
dred and fixty pages, contains in every line fome
affertion, which is to be difputed, fome fallacy,
which is to be corrected, and fome deceit, which
is to be detected, the anfwerer muft be allowed much
time and fpace.1 And the minutenefs of the ob
jector, in this manner, becomes the bane of the
reader : —
* Of the fecond part of Rights cf Man, there were five thou
fand copies printed : yet, in a fortnight, the fourth edition was
advertifed. < '¦
f Oh credulity,
" Security's blind nurfe, the dream of fools,
" The drunkard's ape,  •
"Thus

THOMAS PAIN. io»
" Thus modeft truth is caft behind the crowd}
" Truth fpeaks too low ; fa&ioufnefs too loud.™
But, if our author difdained to reply to objec
tions, which were made to his doctrines as a writer,
he ought at leaft to have explained the charges,
that were made to his character as a man. And,
he now fwaggers out with an air of independence,
when he ought to i bring forward a certificate of
his honefty. As the gangrene, which fixes on one
part, foon corrodes the whole mafs, the viciouf-
nefs of the heart naturally corrupts the products of
the brain : and at this moment, Pain feels, that
when the public contempt has fettled on the life of
the author, the public difdain is ever after extended
to his writings.
It was with admirable judgment, that he re-
ferved his fecond part, till he kriew how a work
would be received, which was written in a ftyle of
thinking and expreffion, fo different from what had
been cuftomary in England. The event juftified
his perfeverance. The doilors of literature approved
ofhis ftyle: Thefocieties for revolutions propagated
his fentiments. And thus, —
" Tom, the fecond, reigns, like Tom, the firft."
In this ftrain of modefty, he fuppofes, that of
the whole people of England he alone is free. from
prejudice. He claims the merit of difcovering,
that the crime of writing libels no longer exifts in
the law of England. He difcovers even more than
' this.

IIO THE LIFE OF
this, when he finds that, " on all cafes, that Spply
univerfally to a nation, with refpect to fyftems of
government, a jury of twelve men is not compe
tent to decide." Yet a Jury, notwithftanding his
threats, have found him guilty of this very crime.
And he concludes this preface of wonders, by re
marking, That if governments were to be changed
all over Europe, it certainly may be done without csn-
vulfion er revenge.
" How eafily 
" Do wretched men believe what they would have 1"
While he dogmatizes thus, he neither looks back
upon the paft, nor round upon the prefent. It
required twenty years of confifcation and blood-
fhed, in the laft century, to change and to fettle
the government of England. A, dozen years
elapfed, with no fmall wafle of wealth and lives,
before the colonifts could change and fettle the
government of the American ftates. It is not
eafy to forefee how many years will pafs away in
tumult and maffacre before the government can
be changed and fettled in France. In contraft with
our author, let us hear, however, the ancient fage :
" tEfie GnetoesS of $tutiente 10 not to beleetie
fonfcclp ana fpee&ilp: 'flrfjerefore before toe beleetoe,
toe ougljt to congioer. toell, the ttrcumffancess of tfje
tljme:, the iaccioentg, t$e f erfon, anti tfje Caufe.
4Xfje tofticlj, tofiotoetoer totll ejamin toell, fhall not
fo eaSty fall into tfie erroutr to beleefce otoer Ujjfjtlp*"
2 From

THOMAS PAIN. in
•From the preface, which is certainly written in
his accuftomed manner, we are carried forward to
the introduction.
This he very appofitely opens with the well
known faying of Archimedes, that if he had only a
Ifland, he' would raife the world. Let Pain have his
j premifes, and he will move the moon. Let him
| have his affertions, inftead of proofs ; his falfhoods
! inftead of facts, and his fophiftry inftead of argu
ment ; he can eafily advocate rights and raife revo
lutions I He can do more ;— ,
" Yon ftars, yon funs, he rears at pleafure higher,
" Illumes their light, and fets their flames on fire.J*
In this fpirit of inflammation he feems to have
written his introduction ; in order to tell the afton-
ifhed world what marvels had been worked by the.
talifman of the American revolution. Before that
influential event, reafon was confidered as rebellion ;
the flavery of fear had made men afraid: but, fuch
is the irrefiftible nature of truth, that all it afks is
the liberty of appearing. And no fooner did the
American governments difplay themfelves, than
defpotifm felt a fhock, and man began to contem
plate redrefs. Credulity might from this rhapfbdy
be ¦ led to fuppofe, that before the American war,
there had been no fuch writers in France, as Mon-
tefquieu, Voltaire, and Rouffeau. From his hif
tory, ignorance might be led to believe, that the
fettlers of the Britifh colonies had not flouriihed
for ages, previous to their revolt, under awkward imita-

ux THE LIFE OF
imitations of the Britifh conftitution. Yet, when
the American governments at length difplay them
felves to mankind, under their new conftitution,
what do they exhibit but their old fyftems, con
firmed by new declarations ; and a federal govern
ment, adopted from the Britifh forms. Of this
Jntrodutlion it may indeed be admitted, that
" Some truth there is, but dafli'd and brew'd with lies,
" To pleafe the fools, and puzzle all the wife."
With thefe defigns, our author dajhes on to re
mark, of how little importance the independence of
America would have been, if it had not been ac
companied by a revolution in the principles and
practice of governments. This muft be allowed
" A tempting doftrine, plaufible and new ;
*• What fools our fathers were, if this be true .'"
Events have, however, fhewn, that the legifla-
tion of the American governments is not, even
now, more rational than under the former fyftems ;
the practice of government is not more mild ; per
fons are not better protected, nor is property more
fecure : but, whatever independence may have con
ferred on the American citizens, it muft be ac
knowledged, that with lefs range in their trade,
they have obtained, what is entirely new, a national
debt, with additional taxes ; and what they feel and
lament, an excise; which, as Pain would fay,
" Watches profperity as its prey."
Yet, is he determined, to puzzle all the wife.
" Aknoft. every thing appertaining to the circum- ftances

THOMAS PAIN. 113
fiances of a nation," he adds, " has been abforbed
under the myfterious word, government." In order
to elucidate this myftery, he propofes to difcriminate
between thofe things which are the effect of govern
ment, and thofe which are not ; and he thinks this
will beft be done, by taking a review of fociety and
civilization, and the confequences refuking there
from, as things diflinct from what are called go
vernments. In this manner our Anarch concludes
. . his Introduction, which, upon a general review* hap
pily evinces how much
" His bufineft was, by wfiilngj to perfuade,
" That kings were ufelefs, and a clog to trade."
With thofe preparations, and with this defign
he conducts us to chapter I which treats on that
interefting fubject,
Society and Civilization.
On opening this chapter, we are immediately
ftruck with a very allowable plagiarifm, which Mr.
Pain has ingenioufly committed on himfelf. Much
of Rights of Man is obvioufiy borrowed from his
own Common Senfe. This treated of fociety and
civilization, fo does that ; this gave the origin and
defign of governments, fo does that ; this wrote of
monarchy, and hereditary fuccefiion, fo does that:
Common Senfe had a chapter of mifcellanies, fo has
Rights of Man a. chapter of mifcellaneous opinions,
projects, and repetitions. The fentiments of the
laft are merely the echoes pf the firft; and thus
Pain performs the office of his own magpye, in
monotonous cry ;—
P "I

n4 THE LIFE OF
" I moufn, my countrymen, your loft eftate,
" Tho* far unable to prevent your fate ; —
" Now all your liberties a fpoil are made ;
" Th'. Americans and Dutchmen intercept your trade'."
In both his trails, there is the fame antipathy to
every thing eftablifhed ; there is the fame defign
to promote anarchy; there is the fame attempt to
degrade every thing, which, in this country, has
by the people been either loved or venerated. And,
of both his traits, it may be juftly obferved,
" 'Gainft form and order, they their power employ,
" Nothing to build, and all things to deftroy."
Yet, ftrange to tell, when Rights of Man found
their way to his beloved America, they were received
with marked contempt. His character as a man and
a writer, both in principle and in praHice, was per
fectly known to the American citizens. Mr. John
Adams, the fon of the Vice Prefident ofthe United
States, and of courfe, a confiderable perfon under
their government, ftept out of his lphere to repro
bate Rights of Man, under the character of Publicola,
in the newfpapers. The people, who had frowned
away Pain from among them, were furprized at his re
ception in Europe. They were aftonifhed to hear,
that his Common Senfe and Crifis, which had grown
cold among them, were ferved up hot, as a hafh,
with good reception, in Britain : but let it be re
membered, that the fad effects of his character and
writings were ftill felt by the American citizens ;
while in England, his adventures were but obfeurely
' known,

THOMAS PAIN. 115
known, and the miferies of anarchy were only per
ceived in the annals of the laft age. Our Anarch's
life, however, and labours, have been fince fcanned,
and are now known to the world. For,
" Counfel and time do both work one efFeft ;
" They foon convicl, or clear, what we fufpeft."
Counfel and Time will even difcover the origin of
fociety, which our author reprefents in chapter I. in
a manner, to puzzle all the wife. " Great part of
that order," fays he *, " which reigns among man
kind, is not the effect of government. It has its
origin in the principles of fociety and the natural
conftitution of man. It exifted prior to govern
ment, and would exift if the formality of govern
ment was abolifhed." Now, gentle reader, what
is the very definition of Society, but that it is,
the Union of ma-ny,. in one common intereft ? and,
iwhat is the true definition of Government, but
that it is, the established state of legal au
thority. Thus Milton fings:
_  —  " There they fhall found
" Their government ', and their great fenate chufe
" Through the twelve' tribes, to rule by laws ordain'd,"
Thus Addison fpeaks : " Every one knows,
ho has confidered ,the nature of government, that
there muft be in each particular form of it, an ab-
folute, unlimited power." And Swift fubjoins,
« Where any one perfon, or body of men, feize
* Page 7-
P a into

u6 THE LIFE OF
into their hands the power, in the laft refort, there
is, properly, no longer a government."
It was from the foregoing paffages of Milton,
Addison, and Swift, that government was defined
to be the eftabliftoed ftate of legal authority. Go
vernment, then, is the organ of society, as
the tongue is the organ of fpeech, or the lungs of
refpiration. And, this organ performs its necef-
fary functions, by means of the legifiative power,
which prefcribes rules of action for all ; of the exe
cutive power, which enforces thofe rules ; and of
the judicial power, which, as a branch of the exe
cutive power, adminifters juftice to every one, ac
cording to fettled rules. Can a man exift, without
his natural organs ; can he , fpeak, without his
tongue ; can he refpire, without his lungs ? No,
Can fociety any more exift, without government,
its neceffary organ: can, fociety legiflate, without
the legifiative function ; can it execute any mea-
fure, without the executive function; can fociety
diftribute juftice, without the judicial function ?
No. Then, it is demonftrated, that society
cannot exift, without government, which is its
necessary organ.
Yet, Pain, the profound, anfwers, Yes ! " In
fine, fays he *, fociety performs for itfelf almoft
every thing which is afcrihed to government," In
order to prove, that a mere union can perform any
act, without the means, —
* Page 7.
« He

TH OM A-S PAIN. 117
*x He gnaw'd his pen, then dafh'd it on the ground,
*c Sinking from thought to thought, a vaft profound I
" Plung'd for his fenfe, but found no bottom there,
" Yet, wrote, and floundered on, in mere defpair."
Trie flounders forward, to make the reader under-
ftand " the nature and quantity of government,
which is proper for man." To this end, he fhews,
" that it is necefiary to attend to the character of
man :" Now, " nature, as the author profoundly
difcovers, created man a focial being, and fitted
him for his ftation." By taking another plunge,
Pain demonftrates *, " that as men are incapable,
without the aid of fociety, of fupplying their own
wants, their wants impelled the whole of them
into fociety, as naturally as gravitation acts to a
centre." But, why plunge, fir, for what floated on
thefurface? Why; I fhow, that man is a focial
creature, with focial affections, and with fuch
wants, thafnothing but fociety can fupply : And
having thus examined the compofition of man, the
diverfity of his wants, the diverfity of his talents,
his propenfity to fociety ; " I then eafily difcover,
that a great part of what is called government is
mere impofition f." This muft be allowed to be a
happy fpecimen of finking from thought to thought.
He undertook to prove, that fociety can exift with
out government. And he argues, that men are fo
cial creatures, who cannot fubfift without fociety ;
and yet, are to have their wants fiipplied, without
* Page 8, t See the whole of page 8. the

j,g THE L-IF E OF
the means: For government is the means, whereby
fociety can alone attain its end.
He now refolves to fink no more. He engages
to prove, " that government is no farther neceffary
than to fupply the few cafes, to vvhich fociety is not
eonveniendy competent." He brings an inftance,
which will doubtlefs prove this. He now tells.
hiftorically *, " that for feveral years from the
commencement of the American war, there were
in the colonies, no eftablifhed forms of govern
ment. The old governments had been abolifhed ;
yet, during this interval, order and harmony were
preferved as inviolate as in Europe.", But, was
there no convention in every colony, no committee
in every diftrict, who having ufurped all power,
legifiative and executive, executed their edicts by
fine, imprifonmentj confifcation, banifhment, and
death ? Yes. Thefe facts hiftory will recite, though
Pain conceal them. And thus does he fail, in
his inftance. Neverthelefs, in mere defpair, he fub-
joins j-, " that the inftant formal government is
abolifhed, fociety begins to act." According to
this logical reafoner, fociety begins to aU, without
its organ. The great metaphyfician of the laft
century was nobody to Pain, —
" Who is in logick a great critick,
" Profoundly Ikill'd in analytick ;
" He can diftinguifh and divide
" A hair 'twixt fouth and fouth- weft fide ;
" On either which he can difpute,
" Confute, change hands, and ftill confute."
* See page 8-9. t Page 9.
He

THOMAS PA- I-N. i»g
He had laid it down in his Common Senfe, as a
maxim, we may remember, that the beft govern
ment is only a neceffary evil. This fkilful logician
jiiow employs a whole chapter to evince, >that
\ fociety can exift without government, which, accord
ing to this great critic, " is nothing more than a
national affociation on the principles of fociety *."
After a few more plunges into the depths of fac
tion; after
" Obliquely waddling to the point in view,"
he clofes chapter i, without proving his point,
that fociety can exift without government ; both of
which muft have ever exifted infeparably; as men
and their organs began to act together, and muft
together ceafe. We are at length led forward to
review in chapter i, the prefent old governments ; in
order to. inveftigate, with our author's profound
fkill, " whether their principles and practice are
correfpondent thereto f ."
The Origin of the Old Governments.
" It is impoffible, fays he %, that fuch govern
ments as have hitherto exifted in the world, could
have commenced by any other means, than a total
violation of every principle, facred and moral.
The obfcurity, in which the origin of all the prefent
old governments is buried, implies the iniquity and
difgrace with which they began." It required not '
* See page 14. + Page 15. thefe

12 O

THE LIFE OF

thefe illuftrative paffages to prove, what a profound
logician our author is. In his ratiocination, it is*
quite fufficient, to affert firft, to fuppofe next ; and
then, from his affertion and fuppofe, to draw his in
ferences. He did not recollect, it feems, the old
rule of logic, which requires, that what does not
>appear muft be confidered as not to exift. In
\ his illation, obfcurity implies iniquity. In his philo-
fophy, the mind of man is to prefume, that every
thing, which it cannot trace to its fource, began
in wrong, rather- than in right : In his jurispru
dence, the jurors are to regard the culprit as
guilty, rather than innocent. But, gentle reader,
Pain undertook to demonftrate to thy fatisfaction,
that all the governments of the world, the prefent
and the pafl, except thofe of America and France,
began in iniquity, by a violation of every princi
ple. And he logically proves his bold affumption,
by an affertion and a fuppofe, in oppofition to com
mon fenfe, which regards every thing as right, till
the contrary be evinced by proof.
He had a wide field - to range in, without any
ftVong defire to find what he fought. Either from
ignorance, or defign, he ftudioufly avoided to
fearch the only record, where the true origin of
government could be clearly traced. The original
of nations, and the eftablifhment of authority
among them, are of high antiquity. Nations had
\ their origin, and government its. powers, from
i the moft higheft. God, by his miraculous in- ,
4 terpo-

THOMAS PAIN. 17.1
'terpofition, divided mankind, after their tongues,
in their countries, and in their nations * : and, in the
divifion^of mankind, the most u\ck fet a ruler over
'every people -\. Thefe are furely very interefting
facts, in the annals of our common fpecies. They
muft be admitted as true, unlefs we difbelieve the
Bible. Even the metaphyfical reformers, cannot
difbelieve them, unlefs they difregard the oldeft
and moft authentic hiftory on earth.
Neverthelefs, in oppofition to Moses, comes
Pain, in the- genuine ftyle of profane ribaldry, to
inftruct the rifing generation that, " in thefolitary
ages of the world it was not difficult for a bapditti
to over-run a country; for the chief of the bandj
to lofe the name. of robber in that of. monarch J:
and hence, the origin of monarchy, and kings.!'
Thus, with regard to invefligations, which are in
terefting to mankind, and in oppofition to holy writ,
are we to take the affertions of a man, whofe ac
tions, through a devious life, ftand oppofed to his
veracity.' As he had before failed, in proving
that, fociety can exift without its organ, he. now
more egregioufly fails, in tracing the origin of
governments to their r true fource, far lefs to their
great original.
Knowing that " fallacies in univerfals five," he
talks in his accuftomed ftrain, of bands of robbers,
* See Gen. x, so — 25. Deut. xxxii, 8.
+ Ecclef. xvii. 17.
+ Page IS'
Q^ who

nz THE LIFE OF
who parcelled out the world ; of the fecond plun-,
derer, who fucceeded the firft ; and who, as they
alternately invaded the^ dominions, whi«h each .
had affigned to himfelf, the brutality with which
they treated each other explains— rwhat? gentle rea
der, " the original charailer of monarchy :" yet, after
carrying his mifreprefentation into burlefque, . he
does not at laft perform his engagement, to trace
the origin of governments to its true fountain,
At length, in mere impotence of inveftigatiori, he
takes for granted the point, which he had pro-
mifed to prove, without one note of truth^ or one
remark of ingenuity. And, He concludes this
fhort chapter with— : — -
** All that on folly, frenzy could beget."
**' From fuch beginning of governments, fays,
he, what could be expected but a continued fyftem
of war and extortion ? The vice is not peculiar to
one kind of government. What perfection of
iniquity prefents itfelf in reviewing the hiftory of
fuch governments !" If, continues he, in the true
fpirit of balderdafh, we would delineate human
nature with a bafenefs of heart and hypocrify of
countenance, it is kings, courts, and cabinets rriuft
fit for the picture : man is not up to the charailer.
Within fuch governments there exifts not "a fta-
mina whereon to engraft reformation : And he
fhrewdly fuggefts, that the fhorteft and moft effec
tive remedy is to begin anew *. Thus, —
*¦ See page 16, 17.
?< The

THOMAS PAIN* 124
** The mpon^ftruck prophet felt the madding hour :
" Then rofe the feed of chaos and of nightj
, " To blot out order and extinguifh light."
In chapter the 3d, he opens his avowed war*
fare with the Abbe Syeyes, t>n the old and new
Systems of Government.
In this conteft, it may eafily be fuppofed, that
well-meaningnefs is no match for knavery. When,
in war, the orie general determines to feize no op
portunity, while his opponent has refolved to
take every adyantage4 it' may be clearly foretold,
wrto will win the battle. The Abbe Syeyes has
acted with fo much of this hoftile generofity, -fhat
his writings and his legiflation evince how muctra
weak fupporter is a dangerous friend.
Amid this polemic warfare, between the Abbe
and the politician, there is no leifure for- gather
ing the charming flowers, which our author ftrewed
with a dextrous hand over all the field. It was
from chapter the 3d, that we culled the moft nu
merous fpecimens of odorous balderdash. In
it, above all the others, the attentive reader may
moft clearly perceive—
" How random thoughts npw meaning chance to find,
" Now leave all memory of fenfe behind." '
Of random thoughts, there is a clutter, in page
20. In order to prove, that all hereditary govern
ment is an impofition on mankind, he lays it down,
in his ufual manner, as a maxim : " That it cannot
be proved, by what right hereditary government
Q^a ' could*

124 THE LIFE OF
could begin *. Let it be remembered, however,
that Pain undertook to evince hereditary govern
ment to be an impofition upon mankind : . And, in
order to perform his promife, he now calk, upon
fome other logician to perform his own engage
ment. - Hereditary government is in the world ;
where it will remain immoveable, notwithftanding
, Pain's affertion, , till he perform his promife, in .
proving that hereditary government is wrongfully
in poffefiion. In his art of thinking, it is no argu
ment to fay, That what has always been, ' muft
have had a rightful beginning; that what has
been always eftabliftied, muft be founded in com
mon confent; that what has been always practifed,
and is now allowed, muft, in every age, 'have been
acknowledged as ufe ful, and muft be now ap
proved, as falutary. But, in his art of thinking, it is
fufficiently plain, that —

\J :

" Of all the tyrannies on human kind,
" The worft is that, which perfecutes the mind."
But, Pain will perfecute the mind a little more.
In order to ftrengthen his former fuppofe, he makes
an additional affertion. " Neither, fays he f , does
there exift within the compafs of mortal power, a
right to eftablilh hereditary government." What;
• hath not any nation, which has no government, a
right to eftablilh what form of government it may
approve ! No ; he afferts, with happy republican-

Page 20. v * Ibjd.

ifm,

THOMAS PAIN. 125
ifm, fuch a nation, had not fuch a right: And, he
immediately fubjoins the reafon*: "Man has no,
authority over pofterity in matters of perfonal right -A
and therefore no man, or body of men had, or.
can have a right to fet up hereditary government." i
But, let the attentive reader remark the dexterity, i
or the deceit, of the fophifter, in dafhing in with
lucky adroitnefs, perfonal right. Now, perfonal
right is annexed to the individual, who, when hef
is laid where all muft lie, has no longer any perfonal\
right; the winding-fheet being the perfonal right
of the executor. But, we were led by Pain into a
difcuffion of political rights ; yet, with true logical .
propriety, he pufhes into his ratiocination perfonal
right: And, in order to clofe 'his proof, with the
force of a flafli of lightning, he fumes out in a puff
of balderdafh ; " were, even ourfelves, fays he f, to
come again into exiftence, we have not now the
right of taking from ourfelves the rights which
would then be ours." And thus he clofed his
proof, which indeed evinces, that, —
" The lit'ral fenfe is hard to flefh and blood ;
" But nonfenfe never can be underftood.','
Pain engaged to prove, that hereditary govern
ment is an impofition upon mankind : He adduced
his proof, which, on a careful examination, the
reader has feen, — 1
" From folid fubftance dwindles to a found." •
* Ibi(W + Ibid.
Our

126 "t"h"e life of
Our author at length proceeds " to examine *,
whether hereditary government is adequate to the
«eceffary purpofes of government.'* He finds
now, as he has always found, that to break windows,
is a very eafy tafk. He has the ftreets of the civi
lized world before him; and he runs about to
throw ftoncs with more than a boy's malignancy*
In the midft of this mifehief, he cannot recollect,
that an inftitution which had been ©nee eftablifhed
by God, could not be inadequate to the end; that
conftant practice by the nations of the earth is
I fufficient evidence of continued ufefulnefs; and that
( the forms, which mankind have, approved in every
age, muft have had wifdom iii their defign, and
falutarinefs in their operation. The hereditary
fyftem, fays Pain f , reveries the wholefome order
of nature; it eftabliihes, he cries $, in his own bal*
derdafh, channels of power, in company with which
[channels] wifdom refufes to flow." And, like an
Indian Faquir, working up his prejudice into frenzy,
Pain exclaims with many a yell—
" SucW wars, fuch wafte, fuch dreary trafts of dearth,
" It's ufe hath left, and fuch a teemlefs earth."
In the midft of this paroxifm, he gives, If' the
example of Poland, as an elective monarchy,
which has had fewer wars than thofe which are •
hereditary; and as the only government that has
made a voluntary! though a fmall effay, Jo reform
* *
* Page 21 — 39. + Page 22. + j^ge 27. |j Page 25.
6 t, th«

THOMAS FAIN. 127
the country. In his hiftory, we read of no foreign wars*
which Poland carried on, under its eleklive govern*
ment, with djfafters, in proportion to the feeble-
nefs of its forms t We fee no domeftic wars, which
were rancorous and deftructiye in exact ratio tq
their frequency: And, in his hiftory, we trace no
thing of the difmemberment of Polandj which was
as diftnal in its effects, as it is much to be deplored
in its confequences. Poland has, however, made
a fmall effay, he admits, towards a reform of its
conftitution. She has deliberately changed her
eletlive for a,n hereditary monarchy. But, genuine
hiftory will record this fmall effay, as a confpU
cuous proof of her wifdom, aud the moderation
of her meafures, as the true caufe of her fuccefs.
Of this moderation, and of that effay, Pain difap-
proves, confidering, no doubt, that they order thefe,
things better in France :
fc Thus would his folifh -diet disagree,
• ' And end as it began, in anarchy.''
Our anarch is thence led on, as his paroxifn*
abated, to compare'*' with rather more coolnefs,
the old, ox- hereditary fyftems, with the new, or re
presentative fyftem. But, is the reprefentative-fyftem\
as he calls the American conftitution, altogether
new? It is new to him, who av<owsf, that he has
read little; and who appears, from his writings, to
haye thought lefs. Bu% his reprefentative fyftem
* Page 2$. does

128 THE LIFE OF'
does not appear new to thofe, who, having in-
fpected the annals of mankind, and meditated on
the revolutions of time, clearly perceive, that a
fimilar fyftem exifted upwards of two thoufand
years ago, among a people that, without detraction,
may be regarded as equal to the American citizens
in knowledge, in performances, and in freedom.
The more learned reader wilt have already deter
mined, that we mean the AmphiclyonicVconftitgtion
of the Grecian republics. ... ;
Compofed, as that illuftrious congrefs was, of
reprefentatives from the ftates of Greece, -it formed
the connective principle, of many feparate com
munities, and the fupreme power over all. Such
is the American congrefs. The Amphictyonic'
congrefs was compofed ..at firft of deputies from
only twelve ftates'; a thirteenth ftate was foon ad
mitted, and a greater number of' ftates was after
wards received into the union. The American con
grefs was compofed of deputies from only twelve
colonies, before Georgia joined with ' hers ; then,
of deputies from thirteen; and now of deputies
frorh .fifteen, including Kentucky, and Vermont,
though Pain, with his accuftomed accuracy, fpeaks
of bnly thirteen *. The Amphictyonic con
grefs determined differences, among the ftates,
during times of tranquillity ; and decided with
regard to the continuance of peace, or the com-
| w
* gee page 4K.
I ' mencement

THOMAS PAIN. 129
mencement of war. And all thefe are; the func
tions of the American congrefs.
It is unneceffary to tell, that Pain attributes,
in his own manner, frequent war, and every evil,
which can afflict mankind, to the hereditary fyftem,
without acknowledging, that the reprefentative fyf
tem has any faults. Yet, ftrange to tell, what
hiftory has recorded, that every excefs of animofity
prevailed among the Grecian republics, notwith
standing the power and interpofition of the
Amphictyonic congrefs: Pain fees much to ad
mire in the Athenian democracy: But, he has
blotted from his annals all mention of the Pelo-
ponnefian war,- which was provoked by Athens,
and which for feven-and-twenty years defolated the
Grecian cities. Thucydides, who has recorded the
dire effects, which fprung from the Grecian demo
cracies, forms no part of his library; And Pain has
never heard, it feems, of the learned doctor, who
fitting down with republican prejudice, to write
the hiftory of Greece, became an admirer of the
Britifh conftitution, from tracing for age's the de
plorable evils, which flowed frorrt the reprefentative
fyftems, among the Greeks.
In our author's annals, there is nothing faid about
the maffacres and wars of Carthage, and of Rome;
thinking, doubtlefs, that their conftitutions were
not reprefentative, but republican. As little does
he notice the furious hoftili?ies, which were carried
on, through the middle ages, by Venice with Genoa,
R Florence

!i3o THE LIFE OF
Florence with Pifa, and by the Hanfe-towns with all
their neighbours. Neither does he fpeak of the
domeftic and foreign wars of the united Nether
lands; becaufe the States -general are not called the
Congrefs. In Great Britain, during the laft cen
tury, we had a reprefentative fyftem, that produced
tumults, confifcations, executions, hoftilities, and
taxes, which impofitions, in nineteen years, amounted
to 95,512,0951. fterling*. Such were the effects
of the reprefentative fyftems in Europe ! But, the
American ftates have a reprefentative fyftem,
which is a model for every people, who are fo
fond of novelty, as to wifh for a reprefentative
fyftem. Yet, the American ftates, fince the epoch
of their independence, haye had their domeftic
tumults, and civil wars, and are even now carrying
on bloody hoftilities againft a people, whom, with
Greek politenefs, they denominate the favages.
Every one, who reads chapter the 3d, with any
attention, muft perceive, how much Pain, when he
compofed it, was influenced by die confideration,
that the focieties for. revolutions would propagate
whatever he might write; that—
" Th' appointed club would let fedition pafs,
*' Senfe, nonfenfe, any thing — to pleafethe mafs."
Thus talks our anarch. ' Now let us hear the
ancient fage:— * Stevens's Hiftory of Taxes, 296.

THOMAS PAIN. *3»
*' Mt oujjht to obferhe toft) Uiltgence ttjinpg
passt t Jfor that tfjep gibe Wgrljt to tfjofe tfiat are to
come ; for ag mutf) ass the tooriae toag altoapetf one,
ana all tbat, toljicij te at tijfg prefent anu ffjall be,
fiatfj 6een at otfter times*, jfor that tlje feltMame
tbmgesS returne unaer aitierg funtirie names ana
cullourg •, toljerefore tbep are hot ftnotone but of
tftofe that are toife, ana tljat conuher tbem toitf)
greate tiiUgence."
From the foregoing confiderations, with regard
to fyftems, we are carried, of courfe, to chapter the
4th, which treats of
Constitutions.
This chapter, like the former, was plainly writ
ten " to pleafe the mafs," and will probably be as
much approved . by " the appointed club." He
attempts*, with his ufual readinefs, and his ac
cuftomed fallacy, to tell what a conftitution is. A
conftitution, fays he, and a government, muft
mean diftinct things, or why are fuch terms dif-
tindtly ufed? A conftitution is not the act of a
government, but of a people. We are here dis
tinctly informed what a conftitution is not: But,
we have not advanced one ftep in the knowledge
of what it is. Inftead of a definition, he runs
through a long hiftory f of the. eftablifhment of
the feveral conftitutions of the thirteen [fifteen]
ftates of America; in order to fee at the fountain-
head, the difference between conftitutions and go-
* Page 4?. + From page +\ to 50.
R 2 vernments,

132 THE LIFE OF
vernments. But after this tedious fearch, we are
difappointed in finding the definition of a conftitution,
He indeed tells at laft, V that a conftitution is the
^property 'of a nation; and that it is a thing antece
dent to the government ^:" But ftill he does not
fay what it is. After thus cpmpofing many pages,
in his own ftyle of unmeaning ribaldry, he comes
forward with peculiar propriety, to tell -j- the EngT
lifli world, " that from the want of understanding
the difference betweeni a conftitution and a govern
ment, Dr. Johnfon, and all writers of his deferip-
tion, have1 always bewildered themfelves." After
hearing this language from Pain, who undertook
to define a conftitution, liften, gentle reader, to
the genius of pertness, who fpeaks to her favorite
fon— " And empty words, (he gave, and founding ftrain;
•*> But fenfelefs, lifelefs idol, void and vain."
But, mark how a plain tale fhall put down his
empty words andf outidi-ng ftrain, Which have not yet
explained what a conftitution is. If fociety be an
union for a particular end ; if government be the
organ for fulfilling this end ; ' a conftitution muft be
ihe form ofthe government, whereby it obtains for
fociety its end. Accordingly, the very definition,
in our language of the conftitution, is the eftablifhed
form of government; and in our jufifprudence, the
fyftem of laws and cuftoms : Of confequence, when,
* In pages 49, eo. t In page 50.
Q W$

THOMAS PAIN. 133
we fpeak of any act being conftitutional, we mean,
that it is confiftent with the civil conftitution, Now, if
fociety, and government, as its organ, be coevajj
then, muft the form be ccwfequent to both : and
this reafoning is confirmed by the manner, in
which the American convention of May, 1787,
eftablifhed the political fyftem of the American
ftates. The convention refolved firft, that there
fhould be an union; they determined with the fame
breath, that there muft be a government; and the
convention proceeded more leifurely in eftablifhing,
jthe -conftitution, for carrying into effect, the ends of
the union.
¦ Our anarch takes* a bolder flight upon the
wings of empty words, when he afferts : " Dr. John-
fon could not haveadvancedfuch a pofition, [[what
pofition, fir ? The Doctor has advanced none,J
in any country where there was a conftitution ;
and he .is himfelf an evidence, that no fuch thing
as a conftitution exifts in England." This muft
be allowed to be a flight, as daring as the eagle's
height. At the opening of this chapter, he engaged
to explain the nature ofthe conftitution; but when
he alights from his balloon, he only afferts, that he
can find no fuch thing as a ' conftitution in England,
He even calls Dr. Johnfon himfelf, as a witnefs,
that there is no conftitution. But, let us appeal
from fuch affertions and fuch proof to common
* Page 51. fenfe.

tH THE LIFE OF
fenfe. If, as we have proved, government be the
organ of fociety ; if a conftitution be the form of
government j then, neither government, nor fo
ciety, can exift without a conftitution. If Pain
have evinced by his writings, that he defies com
mon fenfe, he muft be admitted to have difplayed,
on this occafion, the valourous magnanimity of
the afs, that is fabled to have kicked the lion,
which could no longer kill by a ftroke, nor terrify
by his roar.
In this magnanimous fpirit, Pain is not to be
frightened from his pofition, or his prey. He runs
over the Hiftory of England, in order to prove
that, in this ill-fated country, we have no conftitu
tion. From the sera of the Norman conqueft, to
the epoch of the great charter, vhe can find none.
Magna charta, as it is called, is now, in his eftima-
tion, like an almanack of the fame date, and is of the
nature of a conqueft, and not of a conftitution *. Dur
ing the times of the Edwards, and Henries, and
Stuarts, he can trace nothing of a conftitution.
Nay, in his code, the bill of rights is more properly
a Mil of wrongs, and of infult f. After fuch flights,
and fuch fooleries, it may be poetically faid of
Pain— «' A double noofe, thou on thy neck do 'ft pull,
•' For writing treafon, and for writing dull : ,
" To die for faftion is a common evil ;
«• But to be hang'd for ponfenfe, is the dev'l.

? Seepages ri, cz. + Seepage 52.

In

THOMAS PAIN. itf
In this affeSation of treafon, or declamation of
dulnefs, Pain proceeds to afk, in page ^3, " Where
then is the conftitution either that gives, or that
reftrains, power?" The more learned reader will
find the eftablijbed form of the Britifh government, in
the common law, in the great charter, in the de
claration of rights, in the parliamentary ufages,
and in the ftatutes, which have improved all thefe j
the more gentle reader will -fee in Blackftone's
Commentaries the conftitution detailed with great
accuracy, and explained with approved illuftration.
But, being determined to be hanged for nonfenfe,
Pain cries out, in page 56, " From the want of a
conftitution in England, to regulate the wild im-
pulfe of power, domeftic concerns are neglected
and, with refpect to regular law, there is fcarcely
fuch a thing." N Neverthelefs, —
*' Let him be gallows-free, by our confent,
" And nothing fufier, fince he nothing meant.'*
In this tone of no-meaning-nefs, Pain is conti
nually holding up to our imitation a chalcedon,
though he had a Byzantium before his eyes; as-
Montefquieu would fay, who declared, that man
kind generally find their account, more in the me
diums, than extremes. Our author often winnows
the American conftitution, without giving us any
thing but the chaff. In his inveftigations, - we
never perceive that, previous to the revolt, the
feveral colonies had no other connection with each
other

i3£ THE LIFE OF
other, than that they were all provinces of the
fame empire, which owed obedience to one legif
lature. When this legiflature acknowledged their
independence, that connection ceafed. Each fe-
parate ftate became then a fovereign republic^
The feveral ftates had at length no political union;
except indeed the hafty affociation, which} bring
formed, curing the preffures of war, was inadequate
wholly to the objects of peace. And it is a re
markable fact, that fubfequent to their independ^
ence, there exifted, within the American ftates, no
fovereign legiflature over the whole, nor any
fupreme power, that could direct the general
mafs of difcordant powers.
It is to this, fource of anarchy, that we muft
trace up the eftablifhment of the prefent confti*
tution, by the confederation of feveral ftates* Yet,
on that occafion, no more of the fovereignty of each
was refigned, than what was neceffary, for forming
an union, and creating one authority. Only fpe-
cial powers, both legifiative and executive, were
conferred on the congrefs, by the act of confede
ration, with a view to that union and that autho*
rity. The powers of the congrefs, then, is limited
by its conftitution. The congrefs cannot, in any
cafe, go beyond its powers; fince they were con
ferred by fovereign ftates, who gave thefe powers*
and no more; referving all other authority to them
felves: of confequence, the congrefs is not fove
reign, in the fenfe, in which we fay the parliament is

fflOM'AS' PA I N, iyt
Is fupreme ; the congrefs being reftrained to cer
tain cafes; while the parliament is bounded, in ita
abfolute power, by no perfon, or thing. When
we contemplate the fifteen ftates, which are at
prefent confederated, with certain portions of fove
reignty in the diftinct legiflatures of each; with
fpecific particles of fovereignty in the congrefs; we
may confider this body as the Amphydtiohic council
ofthe hew world'. Yet, this is the chalcedon,
which Pain is ever urging us to build, though we
already enjoy a byzantium.
Little elfe is there of a conftitutional nature in
our author's diffeftation, whereby he defines fd
clearly what a conftitution is, and is not. He con
ducts us forward, indeed, through his darker paf
fages, by the light of innumerable flafhes of bai-
derdafb, till we arrive at chapter the 5th, which
treats of
Ways and Means of improving the. CdnditioH
of Europe, interfperfed with mifcelldneoUs
Obfervations.
*' In contemplating a fubject," fays he, in 'page
78, " that embraces with equatorial magnitude the
whole region of humanity, it is irnpoflible to con
fine the purfuit in one fingle direction." Thus, on
the opening of this multifarious chapter, we feem
to liften to Painj fpeaking in"' the character of
Gay's monkey, who had feen the world:
" Hear and improve, he pertly cries,
" / come to make all nations wife."
S This

138 THE LI F. EOF
This is an undertaking, .which, no doubt, em
braces humanity with equatorial magnitude. Having
already eftablifhed a fyftem of principles, as a bafis,
on which governments ought to be erected ; Pain
now proceeds, with his accuftomed good fenfe,
and his ufual good Englifh, to the ways and means
of rendering them [his principles] into pratlice. The
reader is ready to proceed; but, our author throws
fome preliminary obfervations in his way. He
finds, with his never- failing good luck, in page *jcj,
" All the governments of Europe (France now
excepted) are conftructed, not on the principles of uni-
verfal civilization, but, on the reverie of it."
Now, mark the confequences. " The inhabitants
of every country," fays he in page 80, " under the
civilization of laws, eafily civilize together, but
governments being yet in an uncivilized ftate, and
almoft continually at war, they pervert the abun
dance, which civilized life produces, to carry on
the uncivilized part to a greater extent." Well
may the gentle reader at this exclaim :-:-
** Nonfenfe precipitate, like running lead, >
" That flipp'd thro' cracks and zigzags of the head!"
In this illuftrative ftyle, he proceeds, through
many a zigzag, to remark, in page 80, — " What has
ferved to continue this evil, is the pecuniary ad
vantage, which all the governments of Europe have
found in keeping this ftate of uncivilization."
He fubjoins an additional reafon for this evil.
" When

THOMAS PA I N. 439
" When the fcene is laid in the uncivilized con
tention of government, the field of pretences is
enlarged, and the country being no longer a judge,
is open to every impofition, which governments
pleafe to act." Thus, in his political ftate, we fee
ptonftrous grievances ;
" As things feem large, which we thro' mifts defcry;
" Dulnefs is ever apt to magnify."
He has, however, a panacea for all difeafes, which
he offers in page 81, with the confidence of a me-
taphyfician, and the importunity of a quack.
" Revolutions have for their object a change in
the moral condition of governments, and with this
change, civilization will be left to the enjoyment of
that abundance, of which it is now deprived."
Whence we may obferve, thro' the mifts of dulnefs,
" Some future truths are mingled in his book;
" But, where the witnefs fail'd; the prophet fpoke."
Another of his ways and means is Commerce *,
I for which he is an advocate, becaufe, " it is a pa-
'cific fyftem operating to cordialize mankind."
The invention of commerce has arifen, he adds, in
page 82, fince thofe governments began, and is
the greateft approach towards univerfal civilization.
He is fpeaking of the prefent governments of
Europe: and he inftructs the more uninformed
reader, how the invention of commerce arofe,
fipce they began. In his hiftory, we trace nothing
* See from page 81 to 89..
S 2 of

I4* THE LIFE OK
of the traffic of the Tyrians, of the Phenicians,
or of the Carthaginians. In his eftimitte ef the
profit and lefs, which have refulted from going tQ
war on account of trade, we fee no ftatement, though
honeft Dean Tucker had given fo elaborate an ac
count. He affigns the reafon of this omifiion, in
page 88, " that the balance ©f trade, evenfup-
pofing it to exift, is not enjoyed by the. nation, but
abforbed by the government? Yet, ftrange tq
tell ! he infifts, through feveral paragraphs, that
the ableft of our ftatefmen do not underftand the
balance of trade, and have contributed nothing
by their legiflation to promote commerce ; '* fincE!
the great fupport of our commerce confifts, he fays,
in page 86, in the balance being a level of bene
fits among all nations."
" But winnow well this, thought, and you fhall find
" 'Tis light as chaff, that floats hefore the wipd," . ,
While he thus fcatters fuch thoughts and fuch
chaff through many pages of inanity, he over
looks the ftrongeft argument for his general pur
pofe. We had in this country a revolution, in
»688-q. Now, the annual amount of our fhipping
and our trade was,* — —
Tons Brit. Tons foreign Total, Goods exported.
At that epoch— 190,533-^95,26.7— 285,800— £.4,086,087
At prefent— 1,562,927 — 175,550— 1,738,483— 23,277,273
The mind can eafily trace the intermediate
progrefs of our fhipping and our trade, and of
the confequent opulence, among all ranks, from the

THOMAS PA 1*1. *£
the firft epoch to the laft *. Why not attribute,
Sir, the wonderful profperity, which the Britifh
people now enjoy, to the revolution ? He affigns his
reafons : he doubts about our profperity: he difap-
proves of that revolution, and of the perfons, who
atchieved it. In his mind, it was not revolution
enough : it did not tear up the whole conftitution
by the roots; it only changed the fpirit. of the go
vernors, without touching the forms of the govern
ment. Yet, it muft be acknowledged, that
whatever may be the benefits, which have re
fulted to the country, from the revolution of
j688-a, either as to the fecurity of perfon and pro
perty, or to the freedom of mind, that revolution was
attended, like every incident of life, with its profit
and its lofs. We have flared the amount of the
profit : it remains to be admitted, that it produ
ced, either immediately, or confequently, the wars
of king William and queen Anne : the firft is pe
culiarly denominated the revolution-war; the fe
cond began, as the declaration of hoftilities fet
forth, becaufe,. among other reafons, the French
king had acknowledged the pretended prince of Wales;
and thereby had impugned the revolution. Thus,
while we fee, that revolutions beget wars, it ought
never to be forgotten, that the benefits of our revo
lution are of higher value, than the whole expence
of the wafteful wars, which it certainly produced.
* See the Table in page 105. Yet

tp THE LIFE OF
Yet will our anarch hardly admit, that our revo~
htion has given rife to any domeftic regulations,'
or exiftence, to any falutary laws. He does indeed
acknowledge, in page 150, " feveral laws are in
exiftence for regulating and- limiting workmen's
wages;" of which he difcovers, through darknefs
Vifible, quite fufficient, —
•' As half to fhew, half veil his deep intent."
The laws, which he reprobates, with his accuf
tomed animofity, did not arife fo much from a con-
teft, between the governors and the governed, as
from a competition, between the employers and
the employed. They are fumptuary laws, of do
meftic ceconomy, which have the intereft of all
for their object. If it be the duty of the father of
a family, to prevent the ruin of his children ; it
muft be equally the duty of the fathers of a nation,
to fave the people from deftruction, If workmen
Jhould raife their wages too high, the demand for
their labour would ceafe : If, by raifing their wages
too high, or by working not at all, the products
of their work fhould be fent to market at too great a
price, other countries would furnifh the fupply,
the commerce with Britain would ceafe, and the
manufacturers themfelves would be thereby involved
in ruin. This is one of Pain's ftrong points: Yet,
when it is well winnowed, what does there appear,
but chaff, flying before the wind, and obfcuring
the fight of all, who will not fee. Trade

THOMAS PAIN, 143
Trade and taxes are fo twifted together in the
mind of Pain, that he next proceeds to treat of
finance, as another of his ways and means. On this
fubject, he fubmits to the reader's niceft examina
tion, through feveral pages, fome Tables, which
he has moft exactly calculated; in order to fhow,
in a new method, how taxes may be raifed, and
properly diftperfed. He admits, however, that his
plan will be of no .ufe, unlefs the following points
can be accomplifhed. ift, The deftruction of all
corporations; 2dly, The abolition of private rights
, under fpecial laws ; 3dly, The new divifion of
; eftates, including the fuppreffion of the rights of
: primogeniture ; 4thly, The revocation of taxes on
j tonfumption; and 5thly, The repeal of the poor-
laws. It is to he lamented, on fo great an occa
fion, how little he has forefeen, that—
" Chance is not caft in moulds, like other arts;
" Her counfels but the hopes of rafhnefs be."
It muft be confeffed, however, that whatever
may be his rafhnefs, Pain is altogether confiftent.
The writer, who afferts, that the great charter of
England was rather a conqueft, may very properly
argue *, that " it is a perverfion of terms to fay,
that any charter gives rights: It operates by a
contrary effect, that of taking rights away." — Thus
eafy is it for. rajh counfels to deftroy all corporations!
When this deftruction fhall have taken place, it
* Sec page 92, 93. will

J44 THE LIFE" Of
will be a labour much more facile to abolifh private
rights, thofe rights which are derived from par
ticular charters, or from fpecial acts of parliament.
But, fir* Why advocate rights ; why promote revolu
tions; if private rights, which are fecured by every
tie* folemn and facred, be dafhed away by a ftroke
©f violence ? Poor Pain ! litde doft thou reflect,
that— " A contraft broke, though piec'd up ne'er fo well,
" Heaven fees, earth fuf&rs, but it ends in hell."
When the moft facred ties fhall be dafhed away,
when all contrails fhall be broken, there will be little
difficulty, in forming an agrarian law, by making
a new divifion of eftates. The labour is fo eafy,
as to proceed from no forecaft, and to require no
wifdom j efpecially in one, who has no perfon, that
the bailiffs can touch, and no property, that the
Jheriffs can fecure. For the fuppreffion of the rights
of primogeniture, Pain affigns feveral reafons, in
page 107, which are peculiarly his own : " Primo
geniture is an attaint upon charailer; a fort .of pri
vateering on family property : Speaking of himfelf,
on this occafion, he adds, " that I began the world
without a fhilling; yet I poffefs more of what is
called confequence, than any one in the catalogue
of ariftocrats." This modeft declaration of Pain
compels even incredulity to believe, that —
 " If his felf-importance
" Might anfwer for his fins, he would account
" Among his wealth, the land he had in heaven."
2 Whatever

THOMAS PAIN. 145
Whatever may be his land, or his felf '-importance*
he zealoufly recommends the revocation of taxes
on cortfumption, which wife men have confidered
as moft confiftent with freedom; becaufe every one
is left free to confume according to his wilh, or
his ability. Far in the north, four counties there
are, which hardly pay any taxes on cOnfumption j
becaufe, from inability, they do not confume the
objects of taxation, which only commences, where
fuperfluity begins.. It is, however, true> that—
" Unto men, — ¦'
" Prefs'd With their wants, all change is ever welcome."
With a view to this worldly ^wifdom 1, Pain urges
the repeal of the poor-laws; We have feen how
ignorant he is of the time when they were made*
how little he is acquainted with their hiftory;. and
how much lefs he knows of their genuine fpirit.
This is a fubject, which feems to have baffled the
collected wifdom of Britain. The wifeft Men have
agreed, in recommending the employment of the7
lower orders, as the beft mode of reform. Our
anarch, with deep infight into human nature, pro-
pofes to- make them all idle. For his experience.
had taught him how-*—
" '- — — Tumults are not laid
" With half the eafinefs, that they ate, raffed."
Thus .much with regard to Pain's notions of
finance. .All his projects end in fome eflential
T inns-

I45 THE LIFE OF
innovation. Let our Archimedes have but his
ftand; and he would rafe the foundations of the
conftitution. He would degrade the crown. He
would pull down the houfe of peers. He would
crufh the houfe of commons. He would confound
all ranks of men. And, with fafh counfels and a
levelling hand, he would make a new divifion of
property. As applied to his projects, and to his
endeavours, we may with the poet truly fay:—
" All other errors but diflurb a ftate,
" But, innovation is the blow of fate.
" To change foundations, caft the frame anew,
" Is work for rebels, who bafe ends purfue :
" At once divine and human laws control,
" And mend the parts, by ruin of the whole."
But, Pain is plainly not a rebel: For, he defines,
in page 162, " rebellion to confift in forcibly op-
pofing the general will of a nation, whether by a
party, or by a government. Of confequence, the
organ of fociety may rebel againft the fociety, or
- nation, as the tongue may rebel againft the man.
Pain, however, is not to be controoled by human
laws, when in purfuit of his ends. He has more
ways and means for amending uncivilized govern
ments. He purpofes, in page 164, an alliance
between Britain, France, and America, together
with Holland. . Yet he raifes a fatal objection to
his own propofal. Without any diplomatic power,
he declares,, in page 164, " that America would pro
bably

THOMAS- PAIN. 14,7
bably enter into fuch a meafure, provided that the
governments, with which (he might ally, acted as
national governments, and not as courts enveloped
in myftery." Thus, while Pain. has need of all his
magic to conquer the prejudices, or fubdue the
principles of mankind, with his innovating witchery,
he incites nationality, and imbitters rancour. Now,—
" The tampering world is fubjeft to this curfe,
" To phyfic their difeafe — into a worfe. "'
After propofing, and in this manner defeating
this grand alliance, our tampering- phyfician takes it
for granted, that this alliance may take place. He
thence infers, that die national expences might be
put, for the fake of a precedent, to what they were,
when France and England were not enemies. He
propofes fpecifkally, in pnge 117, that the whole
peace eftablifhment, civil and military, fliall only
amount to 1,014,1151. a year. And thus, would
our bold projector place the honour and fafety of
our ifland on the fandy foundations, whereon he had
built fo many fyftems and revolutions, his own im
maculate affertion. and confident fuppofe. After Pain,
let us attend to the ancient fage :
" Cije-rp ftate ouijljt to tieu're peace, anti tfjerof
to make Demonstrations, uotij toitj) tseeUss anti tairf)
tooorogs ; but for al that, tftep ougljt to fijelo tfiem=
fellies in mflftarj? preparations ana profoifions mott
toarltke. jfor a oiCarmeu peace is toeafee ana fee*
Me." T 2 Never-

148 THE LIFE OF
Neyerthelefs, with religion he does not medr
die much at prefent. " It is in this cafe, he fays, in
page 172, as with the Britifh conftitution: It has
been taken for granted to be good : But, when thp
nation come tq examine its principles, and the
abufes it [religion] admits, it will be found to
have more defects than I have pointed out." We
may as well talk of a national God, he adds, as
pf a national religion. It is either political craft, or
the remains of the Pagan fyftem. Yet, the bifhog
pf Landaff, who does meddle, he honours with the
higheft praife. Let us, however, remember, that
" The Atheift fays, religion'
" Is the fool's bridle, worn by policy,
" As horfe wear trappings, to feem fair in fhew,
" And make the world'^ eye doat on what we feem."
We are now arrived at the end of chapter $?
after a tedious journey, through founderous ways,
wherein we have been frequently delayed by mif-
reprefentations, and often befpattered by balderdafh.
At the clofe of 174 pages, we come to
The Appendix.
Our author began with felf-importance, in his
title-page; and he ends with felf-importance, in
his colophon.
" Here ftruts he, like a patriot, and talks high
«« Of injur'd fubjefts, alter'd property ;
" An emblem of that buzzing infeft, juft
ff That mounts the wheel, and thinks he raifes dull."
He

THOMAS' PAIN, 145
He buzzes out with the confequential elevation
ofthe infetl, to ftate the caufes, that had occafioned
the delay, in publishing /w? the fecond. He affigns
only one cause; adding, however, many parti
culars, as the caufes of that one caufe. He lays
before the reader, in page 177, this one caufe, in
the following manner: " On Tuefday fortnight
preceding the meeting of parliament, [the 17th of
January, 1792,] all at once, without any previous
Jntimation, though I had been with him [the printer]
the evening before, he fent me, by one ofhis work
men, all the remaining copy, from page 112, de
clining to go on with the work on any confideration.
¦ — To account for this extraordinary conduct, I
was totally at a lofs." But, why, fir, at at a fofs ?
I You had a quarrel with your printer, the night
\ before, namely, on the 16th of January, 1792:
! it was a violent quarrel ; the printer declared that,
he would have nothing more to do with your works,
or you : you demanded a fettlement of your ac
counts : and he finally told you, that he would fend
you every thing, on the morrow *. You now admit,
that on the morrow he fent you, by one of his work
men, all the remaining copy. You, of confequence,
confirm the facts before ftated, by acknowledging,
that your cOpy was fent on the morrow, by a work
man ; as the printer followed up his fpirited decla-
'j;; •
f See Mr- Chapman's evidence on Pain's trial, Gurney's
edition, 85-7, wt-ich Prjves ^ fa^od of Pain's ftory, _,
,, ration,

jJ0 THELIFEOF
ration, that he would have nothing more to do with
you. And thus it appears, that you had a previous
intimation. But, why conceal the quarrel, when you
were fo circumftantial about points of lefs impor
tance ? You fhould have recollected, that the
witnefs, who fuppreffes the truth, is as much to be
difbelieved, as the witnefs who tells an ««truth.
But, when we fee the prevarication of a witnefs,
how are we to judge of the iffue before us ? We
muft believe the flory, which is moft probable,
becaufe it is the moft naf iral ; we muft difbelieve
.what is improbable, becaufe the tale is out of the
common courfe of things. Is there, then, any
circumftance more common and natural, than for
a printer to give up the work of an author, when
he can no longer truft him, becaufe he had experi
enced his profligacy? or when he finds any thing
dangerous in his book.
, Within a week after Mr. Chapman had fent our
author his copy, Pain announced the caufe of the
delay of publication to the public. But, it was
a different caufe from the prefent. In the Ga
zetteer, of the 25th of January, 1792, Pain pub
lifhed that, the compofition being now paft, the
copy was given, a few weeks fince, to two printers,
who were to print itfpeedily. They printed about
half of it, and then, being alarmed by fome intima
tions, refufed to go further: But, another printer
has taken it; and in the courfe ofthe next month, it

THOMAS PAIN. 151
it will appear *. Pain has now told two ftories,
about the caufe of the delay, which invalidate each
other. In the one account, the copy had been
delivered to one printer, in September, 179 1 ; in
the other account, the copy was delivered to two
printers, a few weeks before the 25th of January,
1792. In the firft account, Pain was totally at
a lofs to account for the printer's refuting to con
tinue the work: — In the fecond account, Pain fays,
that the printers were alarmed by fome intimations,
—from the meffengers of the prefs, no doubt.
Which of thefe accounts are we to believe; or
fhall we, after fuch palpable tergiverfation, believe
any acceunt, which is given by Pain ?
Yet, let us trace him a little further through
the mazes ofhis fhifts, that we may judge of . his
veracity in any cafe. He now tells himfelf, what
* In the Gazetteer of Wednefday the 25th of January, 1792,
appeared the following notice, the air, and fentiments, and ftyle,
of which, plainly demonftrate the real author,
" Mr. PAIN,
" It is known, is to produce another work, this feafon.
" The compofition of this is now paft, and it was given, a
few weeks fince, to two printers, whofe prefles it was to go
through as fpeedily as peflible. They printed about half of it, and
then, being alarmed by fome intimations, refufed to go further.
Some delay has thus occurred, but another printer has taken it,
and, in the courfe of the next month, it will appear^
" Its title is to be a repetition of the former, " The
Rights of Man," of which the words " Part the Second"
will fhew that it isa continuation," — None but Pain could
write fuch an advertisement,
9 indeed

irt THE LIFE OB
indeed is likely to be true, that he gave his copy
to the printer, in September laft; let us fuppofe
the 15th Of September: From the 15th of Sep
tember, to the 17 th of January following, there
paffed away fixteen weeks. Now, when the memo
rable quarrel happened, between the printer and
Pain, only feven fheets had paffed through the prefs;
fo that more than two weeks were employed on
every fheet *: And, it is a known fact, that Pain
kept his proofs frequently a week, often a fort
night, and fometimes longer. He was all the fiix-
teen weeks cafting about for matter, receiving
hints, and waiting for events. He knew that, the
writer who gets into a chapter of mifcellanies, may
go forward, or flop fhort, when he pleafes. And
Pain was plainly watching for a moment of mif-
fortune, when he might urge difcontent into fury,
by publifhing his fecond part on fome factious
night. But, the parliament met, without waiting
for his publication. The day of triumph paffed
over, while he loitered in the prefs. The nation
exulted in her profperity, while he fat calculating,
* Before the fad evening of the fatal quarrel, being the 1 6th
of January, 1792, the fheet H had been printed : Now, from
E to H, there are feven fheets. But the fheets I and K were
alfo fet up: Now, thefe two may be confidered, as another
fheet. And, of confequence, it is proved that,- there were
no more than eight fheets printed in the fixteen weeks, from
the 15th of September, to the 17th of January following^
This muft be allowed to be very flow printing indeed,- when eve*
Puio fheets a day may be done with eafe. with

THOMAS PAIN. 153
with' arithmetical precifion, the depth of her dif-
treffes, and the benefitsi but not the miferies, of
anarchy. It was owing to the foregoing caufes, that our
anarch, who had returned his proof fheets fo flowly
before, was now obliged to accelerate the prefs.
He was compelled to perform a harder talk; to
find plaufible reafons for poftponing his work, till
the unpropitious day of general fatisfaction. The
book would have been publifhed before the meeting
of Parliament, he tells *, " had the work appeared
at the time the printer had engaged to finifh it."
But this affertion, as we have already fhewn, cannot
be true: for no printer can perform his engage
ment, if the author return not the proofs ; and no
printer can be benefited, by the Handing ftill of his
prefs. Yet Pain will have us f believe, that the
printer was induced to difappoint himj by a ftronger
motive than intereft. Mr* Chapman had offered
him, about the middle of September laft, when
he was beginning to print part the fecond, a thou
fand pounds for the copy-right of Rights of Mam
parts the fecond and firft. Mr. Pain declined to
accept of this offer: and when he ought to affigri
reafons of fome plaufibility, he relies ®n a conjetlurei
that becaufe the printer's offer was rejected; he did
not perform his engagement. The fact is, that
the offer was made and declined, two months before
* Page 178. * Seep. 177.
U the

i^4 THE LIFE OF
the time affigned by Mr. Pain; when the fourth
edition of the firft part was fold and fetded for;
when tbe focieties for revolutions were propagating
the book; when every body feemed to be elevated
and furprifed ; and when bis life had not yet been
expofed to the world. Of Pain's conjetlure, then,
while he conceals the quarrel, which was the true
caufe, we may fairly obferve,
" This was a fleight well-mafk'd ; oh what is man,"
" Unlefs he be a politician I"
But Pain has another fleight, which is not fo well
mafked. He tells in page 177, that the printer
allowed a bookfeller to fee the fheets of his work,
containing his projects, who communicated what
he faw to a clerk in an office, who told what he
heard to the minifter' s door-keeper' s friend' s friend. He
allows, however, in page 177, " that this is more
. than he has authority to fay." But without autho
rity, he ftates all this. Why ; —
" When a gentleman is difpofed to fwear, it is not
" For any ftahders-by to curtail his oaths."
Thus he fivears, through his whole book, by
afferting roundly what he ought to prove fuffi
ciently; by expecting the reader to believe, withV
out proof, and without a reafbn. He, on this
occafion, fuppofes firft, that the printer, who is
noted for carefulnefs, and who, till the fatal quar
rel, was attached to .the author with the zeal of a
friend,

THOM'A'S' PAIN. 15c
friend, allowed' the bookfeller to fee the fheets.
He fuppofes fecondly, that the bookfeller, knowing
where the work was printing, gave up a dudgeon,
which never exifted, to get into the printer's houfe,
and being in the houfe, found his way into the
workfhOp, and being in the workfhop, he found
our author's fheets, there being no other author's
fheets in a large printing-houfe, 'which he atten
tively read, before the whole workmen. And
laftly, Paitifuppofes, what indeed he admits in page
178, to be only common report, that the beforemen-
fibned clerk might have learned from the bookfeller
what he had read in the fheets, and the clerk might
have faithfully communicated the budget to the
minifter 's door-keeper's friend's friend. Now, genr
tie reader, doft thou require any ftronger proofs?
For the rule of reafon is this : To difbelieve wholly
what is improbable; to believe eafily what is proba
ble. If we were allowed to fuppofe, we would conjec
ture, that when our author had read thefpeech from
the throne, and the parliamentary fpeeches thereupon,
he cancelled half-a-fheet, with the artifice of au-
thorfhip, and inferted as much from both as fuited
his previous plan and his fubfequent flory. But we
will not conjecture, whether" Pain may not with
" Lawyers, and merchants, fome divines, and all,
f Count beneficial perjury a fin, fmall."
The felf-importance of his fubfequent flory, and
the frequent recurrence, through the pamphlet, of
the felf-important i", naturally bring belfbre the
U 2 the

156 THE LIFE, OF
reader, that important perfonage, P. P. the parifh.
clerk, who, in order to prove his own importance^
gave the following account of his confuks with his,
friends, his plans, and proceedings ; " Now were
the eyes of all the parifh upon thefe our weekly
councils. In a fho.rt fpace, the minifter cams
among us : he fpake concerning us and our coun
cils, to a multitude of other minifters at the visita
tion, and they fpake thereof to the minifters at
London, fo that even the bifhops heard and mar-
yelled thereat. Moreover, Sir Thomas, member
of parliament, fpake of the fame to other mem-r
bers of parliament, who fpake thereof unto the peers
ofthe realm. Lo! thus did our councils enter into t
the hearts of our generals and our lawgivers ; and
from henceforth, even as we devifed, thus did
they." *
Thus have we reviewed Rights" , of Man, ¦part the
fecond^ with a minutenefs, that we owed to the im
portance ofthe fubject, and to the gratification of the
reader. We have endeavoured, by various fpeci-
mens of ftyle, fentiment, and manner, to enable
every one to form a judgment of Pain's morals,
as a man; of his talents, as a writer; and, of his
purpofe, as a politician. It muft, indeed, be al
lowed, that
" He hates unworthily, that by rote contemns;
" For, the name neither faves, nor yet condemns."
Of Rights of Man, part the fecond, five thou
fand copies were originally printed. But, notwith-
¦ Handing

THOMAS PA I $, 157
(landing every art to raife curiofity, .this did not,
for fome weeks, fell with the rapidity of the firft
part. The Revolution Societies did not immedi
ately difperfe Rights of Man by avowed adver-
tifement. They had been told, it feems, by the
periodical publications, that to patronize profli
gacy, and to propagate falfhood, would degrade
the Englifh character. It was the Manchefier Con
ftitutional Society, with Thomas Walker, Efq; for its
prefident, 'and Samuel Jackfon, for its fecretary^
which, bri the 13th of March, 1792, firft thanked
Pain for his publication; and recommended his
work, as bf the higheft importance to every'ndtion tinder
heaven*. Other focieties followed the example of
Walker and Jackfon, who have been fufficiendy
reprobated by their fellow citizens. Cheap editions,
were actively diftributed over the whole natipn.
The (hops fent out Rights of Man as wrappers for
the fweet-meats of children^ and for the tobacco
of men. sWhen turbulent fpirits propagate by
every artifice, the writings of a man, whofe chief
end is to promote uniyerfal anarchy, it then be
comes apparent, that
ff Sedition walks
" With claws bow'd in, and a clofe mouthy which only
« She keeps for opportunity of prey."
Our anarch, however, takes no great pains to
walk with his claws -bowed in, or with a clofe mouth.
When Tain heard, at the houfe of Doctor Ham
mond, of the affaffination of the King of Sweden,
* See the Morning Chronicle of March 19, 1792.

158 THE L I F E O F
iri March, 1792, he exclaimed with characteriflic
exultation : aye, you fee, crowns are melting away !
and added, with explanatory archnefs, there is a
kittle boiling in this country, Our king-killer might
have properly fubjoined,-=r
" I am the caitiff that- — ->
*'  Though I kill'd him not, I am the caufe
f His death was fo effected."
Pain retired, about the 4th of April, 1792, from '
boiling his kettle in Fetter-lane, to Bromley, in Kent,
where he might unfeen, light his fires for melting
crowns in England. He was invited thither, by
his congenial friend, Mr. W« Sharp, the engraver,
who is an excellent arpft, but is, a Swedenborgian,.
in religion, and a Jacobin, in politics. Sharp was
already a lodger in the houfe of J ofeph Tanner;
and Pain became the inmate pf Sharp, who paid
his lodging and board, for the purpofe of con
cealing his character and his name. Here, Pain
behaved quietly, without complaining ofhis fare;
drinking chiefly gin and water, of which he fome
times took copious draughts. He converfed
very little with Tanner, or his wife; but with
Sharp's apprentices, who came down occafionally,
and who thought differently about politics, he had
warm difputes, without making apparent profelytes.
He went feldom into the town; but walked much
into the fields^ apd often in the garden behind the
houfe; when, by uncouth gesticulation's, he attracted
the notice of the neighbouring fchoojboys. He ap-r
reared generally in a thoughtful pofture, as if-. — ,
•rr-.  " Sorne,

THOMAS PAIN. 159
Some ftrange commotion

" Were in his brain : He bites his lips and ftarts;
" Stops on a fudden; — looks upon the ground;
*• Then lays his finger on his temple ; — ftrait '
" Springs out into a faft gait, then flops again,
•' Strikes his breaft hard, and then anon he cafts
" His eyes againft the moon;"- 
In the midft of thefe reveries, he made frequent
excurfions to London. He attended the anniverr
fary meeting of the Conftitutional Society, on the
13th of April, 1792, at the London Tavern,
as one of the ftewards. At this time and place,
an event happened, which proves, that whatever
profit Pain may have made by his publications, he
makes no hafte to pay the debts, which he had con
tracted formerly, as a flay-maker, or recently, as
a ftatefman. For his note of hand to the affignees
of Whitefide, the bankrupt, which we may re
member he gave, when he was releafed from Arm-
ftrongY fponging-houfe, he was now arretted. He,
who fo loudly inculcates, that we have no exifting
law, was feized fo fecretly, by the officers of .the
law, that the fociety knew nothing of their fleward's
arreftment. From the tavern, he was carried along
the ftreet, by Wild, the bailiff, to the King's Head
fponging-houfe, in Wood-ftreet, wherein he was
locked up, on account of his diflionefty, rather than
his want. He -was foon releafed by Mr. Jofeph
Johnfon, a bookfeller in St. Paul's Church-yard?
and Mr. George Wilkie, a neighbouring book
feller, who became his bail. Mr. Wilkie mah-
5 f^lly

i6o THE LIFE OF'
fully difavowed in the newfpapers, that he had any
connection with fuch a character as Pain, for whom
he became bail, merely to oblige Mr. Johnfon.
When our prifoner returned to Bromley, he fhewed
his friend Sharp the newfpaper account ofhis own
arreft; exclaiming, artfully, as if he had not been
the party arretted, What lies the newfpapers will tell!
i Wherever he may be, our anarch feldom forgets
ithe great object of his life. His avowed defign
' is to deftroy all law ; and he exerted his whole in
duftry in forming jacobin Societies, In every part
of Great Britain, We may judge ofhis diligence
and fuccefs, by what was ftated at the anniverfary
meeting of the Conftitutional Society, on the 1 3th
of April, 1792, " That the members of thefe fo-
kieties exceeded forty thoufand perfons*."
This diligence and fuccefs alarmed trie country,
and incited the attention of government at' length.
Now, forty thoufand perfons, who were zealoufly
aflbciated for the avowed purpofe of overturning the
conftitution, formed, indeed, objects fufficiently
alarming. A profecution was therefore commenced
againft Jordan, the publifher of Rights of Man, on
the 14th of May, 1792. A profecution. was begun
againft Pain, as the author, on the 21ft of May.
And on the fame day, the royal proclamation was
iffued ; reciting that fedit'ious writings had been in-
duftrioufly difperfed for] inciting difcontent; and
* Seethe Morning Chronicle of the 14th of April, r^it
warning

THOMAS PAIN. 161
warning all magiftrates to be diligent in fuppreff-
ing tumult, and preferring quiet. ' Both houfes of
Parliament declared their abhorrence of writings,
which had anarchy for their end, and proclaimed their
unalterable refolution, to maintain the authority of
the laws. The City of London avowed herloy--
alty to the King and attachment to the conftitu
tion. The other corporations followed the exam
ple ofthe metropolis. And the county meetings
joined in the general abhorrence of innovation, and*
in the univerfal determination, to fupport the wife
fyftem of policy, that had been tranfmitted by the
wifdom of their anceftbrs. Pain could not be per-
fuaded, that thefe various declarations conveyed
the fenfe of the nation, though fuch declarations
be the only organs, through which the public voice
is ever heard in Britain, when it fpeaks in the moft
decifive tone.
I Horn Tooke himfelf carried down the royal
| proclamation to Pain, at Bromley, where mea-
fures were concerted for counteracting its effects,
by dining the public voice, which was fo contrary
to our anarch's expectations, and fo deftructive of
his hopes. Pain addreffed letters to the county
. meetings," which were received either with fcorn,
or neglect. One of his epiftles, Horn Tooke pre
fented to the Surry county-meeting, when' he was
hooted fron\ the flage, by marked indignation.
Yet, thefe pertinacious politicians would not be-
X ' ; lieve,

X6t THE LIFE OF
lieve, that the public voice reprobated their writ
ings, and difavowed their defigns.
In the' midft of thefe exertions of uncommon
factioufnefs, Tanner difcovered the name and cha
racter pf his inmate, by a letter, which was ad-
dreffed to him, from Thomas Walker, of Man-
chefter, inviting Pain to eat cold beef with Walker,
in Smithfield. Tanner thought it is duty, as a
good fubject, and as he had been commanded by
the King's proclamation, to communicate his dif-
coveries to Mr. George Norman, the neareft ma-
giftrate. Being thus detected at Bromley, Tain
found it neceffary, about the 27th of May, 1792,
to return again to the obfcurities of Fetter-lane.
Pain now bulled himfelf in writirig thofe letters
for the Argus, which were afterwards diftributcd
from the pamphlet-lhops, under the title of Pain's
Four Letters on Government. ". They come, fays he,
in the opening of his correfpondence, from a heart
that knows not how to beguile." This is faid by
him, who had beguiled Mr. Grace, at Dover, of
his money ; who had beguiled his cuftomers at Sand
wich ; who had beguiled his wife of her dues at
Lewes ; and who had beguiled the excife for a
dozen years together :—
'.' Ah ! that deceit fhould fteal fuchgentle fhape,
". And with a virtuous vizor hide deep vice!"
Yet, with this virtuous vizor on his face, he carries
his pretentions beyond the limits of his own mo-

THOMAS PAIN. U
.defty. There is not to be found, he afferts, in any
writings on government, a ftronger inculcation of
moral principles, than in thofe which he had pub
lifhed. The anarch, who actively inculcates the
violation of every eftablifhed right, is, according
to his claim, the great inculcator of moral prin
ciples. The reader is thus warned fo—
———" Beware of yonder dog ;

" Look, when he fawns, he bites; and when he bites;
" His venom tooth will rankle to the death!"
Our dog proceeded on to fawn and bite through
the news-papers ; to retail the fame mifreprefen-
tations and affumptions, which he had fold by
wholefale in Rights of Man, and which having been
already expofed to the public contempt, no longer
attracted the public eye.
Notwithftanding the efforts of Pain; which only
induced confiderate men to
 <¦" Think him as a ferpent's egg-,

'* Which hatch'd, would iii his kind grow mifchievous,,"
and to watch his deeds> though the current ofthe
nation continued to ruri towards the conftitution-.
Meantime* our anarch was not inattentive or idle.
And in order to flop that Currentj he wrote A letter
to the addreffers on the late proclamation. This is a
pamphlet of feventy-eight pages, which is written
in his ufual ftyle and manner, without ariy novelty
to foften his coarfenefs, or any information to atone
for his boafts of fuperior knowledge.
X 2 The

\64 T H E L I F E O F
The great object of his Letter to -the Addreffers is
; to procure a National Convention, in contempt of
' the" Parliament. If he could only obtain what
would certainly create a civil war, he would wil
lingly, he declares, "live the life of a libeller, and
;have the name of a libeller engraven on his tomb."
Pain, as the writer of Rights of Man, has been
found guilty, as a libeller.- — Symonds, as the pub-
lifher of the cheap edition of Rights of Man, has been
| found guilty as a libeller. Holland, the feller, of
j Pain's Letter to the Addreffers, has been found guilty
as a libeller. Hence, Pain's writings are all libels
in the fenfe of the Englifh law, and are all crimi
nal in the judgment ofthe Englifh juries.
Pain and his patrons have been finely defcribed
by our great poet, as —
" Scambling, outfacing, fafhion-mong'ring men,
" That lye,, and cog, and flout, deprave, and flander;
" Go antickly, and fhow an outward, hideoufnefs^
" And fpeak off half a dozen dangerous words."
Of dangerous words our atiarch foon uttered more
than half a dozen. On the 6th of July, 1792,
he wrote to the Conftitutional Society, that the
fale of Rights of Man had then produced upwards
of one thoufand pounds profit; and he requefted,
that the fociety would accept of it, [one thoufand
pounds} in truft, for fuch purpofes as the fociety
i might think proper. Thus, he who is frequently
; .the inhabitant of a fponging-houfe gives a dona
tion of -a; thoufand pounds, for the avowed purpofe -
of

THOMAS PAIN.- ¦ ir6j
of conftitutional innovation. -All other moratifts
inculcate f " Be juft before you are generous." Our
boaftful moralift gave a memorable example of
being generous without being juft. In this man
ner, — <
" 'Tis too much proved, that with devotion's vifage,
*' And pious aftion, we do fugar o^er " s
" The devil himfelf." 
With devotion's vifage, and pious atlion, our
anarch concluded hhfugar'd epiftle to the Confti
tutional - Society, in the fame ftrain of ridiculous
generality ; that he
" Might feem a faint, when moft he play'd the devIL"
"I have now done by the people of England,
the fame as I did by the people of America, and
I fincerely. with them the fame happinefs *." We
have feen the miferable anarchy, in which Pain left
the Americans. , It muft indeed be allowed, that
it "was no fault of his, *if he did not leave the
Britifh dominions in a ftate of greater anarchy.
His donation to the Conftitutional Society, who
fent a-thoufand pounds to the Convention at Paris,
when tranflated into Englifh, amounts to the with
of the enraged Northumberland :
1 .  " Let order >die!
 « Let one fpirit of .th'e nrft-born Cain v
" Reign in all bofoms, that, each heart being fet
" On bloody courfes, the rude fcene may end,
» And darknefs be the burier ofthe dead."
* See Pain's letter to the Conftitutional Society, in the Morn
ing Chronicle, ofthe 9th of July, 11792. In

*S6 THE LIFE OF
In proportion as Pain's exertions were deftruc-
tive of 'the happinefs of Britain, his feditious .ef
forts were rewarded by France. He was adopted
as a proper citizen by a country, which had
plunged into the depths of anafchy. When the
Jacobin clubs were about to form a Convention
at Paris, of turbulent fpirits from every quar
ter of the world, feveral departments contended
for the honour of being reprefented by Pain. Calais
feems to have carried die prize from all her com
petitors. And fhe fent citizen Audibert to notify
his appointment, and to folicit his acceptance.'
Our anarch was too much gratified by the in
tended honour to require much fblicitation. On
the 13th of September, 1792, he bade a laft fare
well to the purlieus of Fetter-L^nj*. With the
attorney Froft, and citizen Audibert, he went into
a poft-chaife at Blackfriars Bridge, and drove away
for France. When they had reached Canterbury,
they feemed to fufpect, that an evil fpirit purfued
them. They were by this fufpieion, induced to
take the way to Sandwich, rather than the road to
Tiover. They foon lighted at the Bell Inn, at
'Sandwich, where the difhoneft ftay-maker, tha
fwindling tradefman, and the cruel hufband, was
immediately recognized; and he found it necefc
ikry to drive off with fpeed for Dover. Here too
was he recognized as the fame ftay-maker, who in
1758, had beguiled honeft Grace of his -money,
4nd his" daughter of her heart. The cuftom-houfe Officers,

THOMAS PAIN. 167
officer's, who feem to have heard, that the great
anarch ofthe age was on his way to France, fearched
his trunk for articles of prohibited export with
unufual ftrictnefs.
Owing to thefe caufes, was he obliged to fkulk
at Dover, till the packet, carried him to Calais.
In this manner was Pain driven away by popu
lar indignation from England, and received with
popular applaufe in France.
On the 14th of, September, 1792, Calais moved
from,her place to meet the far-famed object of her
choice. TheMayor addreffedtoPainafpeech, which
he did not underftand; and Pain returned to the
Mayor an anfwer, which he ftill lefs underftood.
By gefticulations, however, they trflade each other
comprehend, that Calais rejoiced in the honour of
fuch a'reprefentative, while Pain, laying his hand
On his heart, rejoined : — —
I will through and through

'.' Cleanfe the foul body of th' ihfefted world,
«« If they will patiently receive my medicine."
While thus on the road to cleanfe the world, our
phyfician , found feifure to write the Secretary of
State an account of his adventures at #over; fup-
pofing that the rigorous fearch of Cuftom-houfe
officers was fufiiciently important to engage two
nations in war.' Our anarch, ere long, mingled in
the tumults of Paris; repeating thofe ' appofite
iinesj-r .  " Net

i6S THE LIFE OF
" Not fleep, nor fanftoary,

** Being naked, fick; nor fane, nor capitol,
** The prayers of priefts, nor times of facrifices,
" E'mbarments all of fury, ' fhall lift up
" Their rotten privilege and cuftom 'gainft
** My hate to Kings."
After fome expectation, the day at length came,
when Pain was to be tried for libelling the Re
volution, and the Bill of Rights, the legiflature, and
tbe laws, the Parliament, and tbe King, in the fe
cond part of Rights of Man. The Englifh Jacobins
had, mean time, propagated, that no jury durfit
find him guilty. Our libelift had himfelf inculcated
'through his Letter to thj> Addreffers, that fpecial ju
ries were illegal;, that no jury was competent to
decide on what might relate to the nation; that
the Court of King's Bench, and the Court of St.
James's were confederated together for .obtaining
not a verdict againft his Rights of Man, but againft
the rights of England. Having imbibed a fpirit
©f greater favagenefs from his coadjutors at Paris,
he wrote a letter to the Attorney General, on the
1 1 th of November, -1792, threatening him, the
judge, and the jury, with affaffmation, if they pro
ceeded with his trial.
1 - Yet, he was tried by a fpecial jury, at the Guild-
jnall, London, on the 18 th of December laft, be
fore Lord Kenyon, the Chief Juftice. Every cir-
cumftance was proved/ beyond the power of con
tradiction, which was neceffary to fupport the pro-
"fecution. Several letters of Pain's were read, in
which

T HO M A S- P A I M. i<V
jvhich he avowed himfelf to •behhe author of
Rights of Man. It is one of the improvem'ents of :
the cohftitutionj which was not enjoyed by ouf
fathers, that the culprit is. allowed- counfel to de-^
fend him. On this occafion, Pain had the bene- ¦<
fit of a very able defender, who acknbwledgedj what "
could not be denied, that Pain wrote and pub
lifhed Rights of Man. But a defence was fet up,
which was entirely new: That the Attorney -General
had brought no proof of what had paffed- in the mind
tf Pain, when he wrote his book. You are not to
judge ef, the tree':by its fruit, but of the fruit- by the ¦
tree: In the fame' manner,- you are not to judge of
a man's mind by his actions, but of his actions hy
his mind. . Thus, it is not fufficient to prove, that '
one man killed another, without- any provocation,
to make out a murder. 1 1 is not enough to prove,
that a highwayman has taken money, on the road;
but, it is neceffary to prove what was paffing in
, the mind ofthe murderer, when he ftruck the deadly
blow, and what: was paffing in the mind of the high
wayman, when he prefented his piftol and demanded
the purfe, before their guilt can be proved. And
moreover,, if the murderer, or the robber; thought
at the time, that he was not committing a mur
der, or a robbery, he muft be deemed innocent of
the. crime. It was not, however, feid, how' it is
poffible to prove what paifes in any man's mind,
when he performs any action, whether innocent, or
criminal. An appeal was now made to the wholB
Y ' tenor

i7o THE LIFE OP
tenor of Pain's Life, ip order to fatisfy the Jury,
that it was not likely Pain would write a book
with any fieditious purpofe. He may have fwindled
at Sandwich ;' he may have acted difhoneftly in.
the Excife; he may have perjured himfelf when he >
married at Lewes; he may have committed a fe
lony, on the fame occafion, by falfifying a {record:
But, thefe facts do not make it probable, that Paia
had any intent to infult the King, or overturn the
Conftitution. Nay, it was admitted, that Pain did
write his Common Senfe in the Colonies, in order to
raife a rebellion againft the Mother Country, and
fo to make them independent ; yet, this fact does
not prove,, faid his advocate, that he is fuch a
perfon as would write a book in England, to vilify
the Revolution and the Bill of Rights j to deny the
exiftence ofthe Conftitution and the laws; to con*
found all rights and all ranks; and fo to introduce
anarchy into a happy land, with aU its dire con-^
fequences of commotion and violence, of rapine
and murder. And this able defender endeavoured
to imprefs on the Jury, that if Pain thought, that
be was doing no harm, while he wrote Rights pf
Man, however libelous the book may be, yet, he
ought not to be found guilty of a libel. — The Jury
fhewed their opinion of this Defence, and of Pain's
intentions, by finding him guilty, without waiting
for the reply of the Attorney-General, or the fum-
ming up of the Judge.
The

THOMAS PAIN. »7t
The conviction of Pain as a malignant libeller
was followed by effects, which were unexpected by
himfelf, and unforefeen by his patrons. He was,
ere long, burnt with his books, In almoft every
, village of England, with circumftances, which plain
ly denoted popular -, contempt for his doctrines
and popular hatred pf his perfon. His conviction
made him an outlaw. And, having joined with the
Convention at Paris, in a declaration of War
againft Great Britain, he became thereby a traitor.
What may be Pain's fubfequent courfe or fate,
it is impoffible to foreteL But without the fpirit
of prophecy, it may be foretold, that in whatever
country -he may be, or in whatever ftation he may
act, he will carry this genuine hiftory of his life along
with him, as a badge upon his back, which will
announce to all, . that as a man, Pain has no moral \
character; and as a writer, that he is entitled to I
no literary fame; that wherever he may be, his |
great aim is to incite anarchy; but that his power X
of performance is not always equal to the vigour
of his will.
" Mifchief attempted, if it want fuccefs,
"_ Is the, contriver's punifhment; as darts
" Shot at refilling walls, in their return,
" May fight on them, that did direft them."
F I N I S,

. ..- . 1 1' — ¦ — •
' fhis Day is puhbfhed^ in One Volume, Royal^uarti,
Confiding of Six hundred Pages of clofe Letter Prefs, Pr. il. us. 6J. in Eds.
Jlluftrated with Seventeen Maps, Charts, Views, and other Em-
", bellifhments, drawn on the Spot, by CaptainsHuNTER. and
Pradlex, and; Lieut. Dawes,
An HISTORICAL JOURNAL
OF THE
Transactions, at PORT JACKSON and NOR
FOLK ISLAND,
With the Difcoverjes which have been made in New
South Wales, and in the Southern Ocean, fince
the- Publication of ftflLLIP's VOYAGE, compiled
from the OrScial Papers \ , . <
Including the Journals of Governors PHILLIP, and KING, and o£
Lieut. BALL'; ind the Voyagec from the firft Sailing of the Siriirt
in 1787, to" the Return ofthat Ship's Company to England in 1792?
By J O H -N H U NTER, Efq;
POST CAPTAIN IN HIS MAJESTY'S NAVY.
LONDON: Primed for John Stockdale, Piccadilly.
A Lift cftfie PLATES in the above WORK/
s. A Portrait of Capfcan Hunter, • . ¦ ¦ "'"• '
a. Vignette on the Title Page of a Native Woman and Child in Diftrefs,
3/ A large Map of Niw South Wales, Ihewing the River Hawkefbury and
every Part of that Country hitherto explored, by Lieut. Dawes,
-4. A lar^e Chart of 3otany-Bay, Port Jackfon, and Broken Bay,- with tbe
intermediate CoaH and Soundings, furveyed by Capt. Hunter,
5. The Southern Hemifphere, shewing the Track .of the Syrius,
6. A new Plan of Norfcflt-Ifland; by C^jitain Bradley,
7. Track of tb.e,VfoikfajrAejd. Tranfpcrt, .-,- ~
S. A View of the Settlement on Sydney Cove, Port
Jackfon, " , 'i"51- ''- ;
9. A View ofthe Settlement at Rofs- Hill, . .-¦_ .
to. Cnctict rf.e AdrnfrJty ll\Ls; "~ ' >*? CaP<- Hunter*
1 1, A Man of Lord Howe's Groupe, j
IZ. Canoes of the Dqke of York's Jfland, j
13. A Man of-theDuVeof York's-iflandd j j
14. A Family .f New South' Wiles, by Governor King,
15. Ncn-Dei'cnpt Shells, of New South Wales, Plate I.
16. Ditto - - . Plate II.
?7- O;uo  Plate III.
* * A few Copies ofthe ahove Work may Se had printed on * St*.
, pcrfine, fFove Royal\ trice zl. is. in Boards,

( i'73 I
A SPLENDID EDITION of tSkYt FABLES.
fhis Dai is publi/heJ,
IN TWO VOLUMES,
tUCtrANTLY PRINTED ON' A SUPERFINE, WOVE, ELEPHANT;
OCTAVO, (u iNciEs by 7,)

And tmbeUifhed with Seventy Copper Plates,
Snjjravedby Hali, Grainger, Audinit, Blake, Maz.ell,
Lovegrovk, Wilson, Skelton, and Coon.

Price One Pound Eleven Shillings and Six-pence
in Boards,"

F ABIES,$y JOHN GAT.
TO WHICH IS PREFIXED A LIFE OF THE AUTHOR,"
tONDON: PRINTED FOR. JOHN STOCKDALE, PICCADILLY.
. This Work has been carefully hot-preffed, and will be, delivered
in Boards, with Silver Paper betwixt each Flate acd the Letter PrefV,
to prevent the one from injuring tha Beauty of the other.

( 174 )
4 Splendid Edition of BARLOW's JESOf'a FABLES/
Br Subscription.

In the Prefs, and flpeedily will be publifhed, in Two Volumes.
Elegantly printed on a Superfine Wove Elephant Octavo, ( 1 1 In
ches by 7} and embellifhed with One Hundred and Fourteen
beautiful Copper-Plates, from Barlow's Defigns,
AND SNGIAVID IV
Hall, Mazell, Eastgate, Grainger, Wilson, Atr-
dinet, Medland, Skelton, Cromeck, Blake, Le-
ket, Corner, Lovegrote, Sec. Sec.
Price to Suhferihers, Ttvo Guineas in Beards,
THE FABLES OF uESOP.
To which is prefixed, a Life of the Author.
London : Printed for JOHN STOCKDALE, Piccadilly.
*#* A Lift of die mmfcribers will he printed.
Mr. Stockdale affures thofe Ladies and Gentlemen who may
pkafe to favour him with their Names, that they fhall receive
the firft Impreffions of the Plates, aad, as nearly as they can be
delivered, in the Order they are fubferibed for.
This Work fhall be carefully hot-preffed, and will be deli
vered in Boards, with filver Paper betwixt each Plate and the
Letter- prefs, to prevent the one from injuring the Beauty of the'
other, , Piccadilly, March 20, 1793.

Militia, independent, and Fencible Companies.

In the Prefs, and in a few Days will be publifhed,
A UST of the MILITIA OFFICERS,
wjTg THE
DATES of their COMMISSION -
WHERE STATIONED,
AND TBE
NUMBER OF MEN IN EACH REGIMENT.
TO WHICH IS ADDED, .* -
A LIST OF THE OFFICERS
or THE
_ INDEPENDENT COMPANIES,
AUD THE
Names of thofe Gentlemen who have offered to raife Companies.
ALSO
A LBT of the OFFICERS of the FENCIBLE REGIMENTS pow
railing in SCOTLAND.
LONDQN: Printed for Johji Stocwaw, Piccadilly.
March 2 0, 1793, I

, • r its )
The HISTORY of the WES? INDIES.

In the Prefs^and early in the next Month will be publijbtd,
IN TWO VOLUMES QJJARTO.

THE

HISTORY
¦¦•*¦ CIVIL ANb COMMERCIAL

OF THE

BR1TI SH COL O N IE S
IN THE
WEST INDIES:
CONTAINING ,
A political and topographical Survey of the feveraf
Englifh Sugar Iflanas;' a comprehenfive Account "fc#
their ancient and prefentlnhabitantSi Agriculture,. and
Productions, Laws, Government, Conftitution* and
Commerce; an Hiftorical Review of the Slave Trade,
including fome. Observations on the Chara&er, Genius,
Difpofitions, and Situation of tlte enflaved Africans.
Together with feveral incidental Difquifitions, illuftra
tive of the Value and Importance of thefe Colonies, and
their Relation towards the feveral Great Interefts, ' the
Manufactures, Navigation, Revenues, and Lands of
Great Britain.
By BRYAN EDWARDS, Efq;
Of the Iffand of1 Jamaica. ,
London: Printed for John Stockdale. Piccadilly.
March 20, 1793'.

-CV"7tf ¦ 3.
Propofals for Publifh'mg by Subfcriptionf
An Account of the. Country Thirty Miles Round
Manchester.

fineedily will be published, in,,One Volume 4to, Price il. lis. fid. !«.
Boards, or to Non-Subfcribers ' al. 2S. illuftrated with a large Two Sheet
Map of the Country thirty Miles round Manchester; on which' will
be accurately laid down all the Nohlemen's and Gentlemen's Seats,
Parks, Towns, Villages, Public Buildings, Manufactories old and new
Turnpike and Crofs Roads, made or making; .Rivers, Lakes, Bridges,
and Canals, made, making, or in Agitation ; and embellilhed with feveral
ijther Copper Plates, of Views of Romantic 'Scenes, jtfew and Ancient
Buildings, &c. and four feparate Maps of the Counties of Chsshue,'
Lancashire, Derbys.mihb, and Yorkshire., With a Map of
the Canals, and a Plan for the faving of Water. By WlLiiAi^-
Plavfair, HISTORlCAl! ACCOUNT
1 , . OF THE COUNTIES OF.
LANCASHIRE, > CHESHIRE, YORK*:
SHIRE, and DERBYSHIRE
* 6 a. L- ""'' •
THIRTY MILES ROUND MANCHESTER s
W I T H A
S H O R T :.. S K E T.CH
OT *'OME OF "THE '¦"-
Moft Ancient Families and their Residences. '
London: Printed for John Stqjdkdale, Piccadilly, i^g'j*

Ttbe folhiaitig Places, ammgft many others, will h$ noticed:

SJ ,

Altringham AfhborneAftton under Line
Betley
Blackburn
' Bolton
Bradford '
Burnley Bury' Buxtpn
Chapel in the Frith
Chorley. -
Cheftsr '¦

Clithero '
CoinCongleton
DuckenfieldEccleftori' Fairfield Frodftam
Gloffop
Halifax Haflingden HuddersfieldKirkham
Knuisford

LeekLeighLiverpoolLongnorMacclesfield v
Malpas -^ , '
Middlewich
•Mottram in tong-
dendale
Nantwich [Line
Newcaftle under
Newton . -u
Northwich

Old-Sam
OrmdcirkPoulton
Prefcot Prefton
Rochdale Sandbach
Stockport- Tarporley
Tidfwell Warrington?
Wigan-
¦Wrexham.

•#* A Liij-r «f tfee §vb.s qRisjsjs will be printed.