YALE UNIVERSITY
LIBRARY

THE

LIFE, ADVENTURES,

AND

OPINIONS

OF

COIL. GEORGE HANGJEJR*

WRITTEN BY HIMSELF.

PRINTED BY WILSON & CO.
ORIENTAL PREoS,
Wild Court-, Lincoln's Inn Fields, London.

THE
LIFE, ADVENTURES,

AND

OPINIONS

CO'h* GEORGE" HANGEjR.

WRITTEN BY HIMSELF.

To which is added,

Advice to the Prelates and Legislators,
how to correct the Immorality and
Jacobinism of the present Age, and at
the same time increase the Revenue.
Advice to the Lovely Cyprians, and to
the Fair Sex in general, how to pass
their Lives in future to their better
Satisfaction, and to enjoy with Dis
cretion the three Cardinal Virtues-
On Matrimony, Compulsive Wedlock,
and. on Polygamy.
On the Misery of Female Prostitution.

The History of the Lovely Egyptia,
the Pamela of Norwood, and Paragon
p of the Egyptian Race j the Author's
Marriage with her, and her cruel In
fidelity and Elopement with a Tra
velling Tinker :
And a History of the King's Bench Pri
son, written by the Author during
his Custody under the Marshal of that
Prison, descriptive of the Miseries en
dured by the Prisoners, and the ex
travagant Expence incident to their
Confinement.

Insanire parat, certa ratione mo do que ¦
Nudus agrisj nudus nummis. Hokat.

VOL. II.

PRINTED FOR J. DEBRETT, PICCADILLY.
1801.

THE

LIFE, ADVENTURES,

AND

OPINIONS

COJL. GEORGE HAWGE3L

'n my return to England I immediate
ly joined my regiment, the first regiment
of guards, in which I was an ensign. I
may, with truth, say, that I knew my
duty better than • nine ensigns in ten, at
their debut on the parade at "Whitehall ;
for I not only was acquainted with the
common parade-duty, but absolutely
VOL. II. B

knew the manoeuvre of a battalion ; for
I had made my profession my study, and
was devoutly attached to a military life.
I was almost instantly launched into
the great world, and introduced into the
most distinguished companies in this
country. When first I trod the paths of
pleasure in this gay town, my country
was arrived at the very height of national
grandeur, and was not as yet on the de
cline. She was powerful, and respected
all over the world ; both her fleets and
armies were victorious wherever they
went ; the country was rich, from many
years' peace, after a glorious seven years'
war. It was then, that Great Britain, in
the hour of her insolence *, drew the jea-

* Vide Governor Johnson's speech on the Ameri
can war.

lousy and vengeance of the, European
powers. There was abundance in every'
part : the necessaries of life were at a
moderate price ; the people were happy,
joyful, and contented : the middle man
then lived well ; the nobility and gentle
men were in general in a state of opu
lence ; and there was scarcely such a
thing to be seen in the land as a poor
gentleman. England then basked in the
sunshine, from the vigorous and success
ful measures of the great Mr. Pitt, who
wielded the democracy of England in one
hand, and smote the House of Bourbon
with the other. He guided the affairs of
this country in war with manly vigour,
and in negociation with sincerity, ever
scorning those political refinements of
which others vainly boast : sincerity he
ever took for his guide, and his country's
honour for his glory : his fame did not

consist in triumphing, in a speech of four
hours, over a fallen foe, in the senate,
but in victory over a foreign enemy : he
was dreaded abroad, and loved at home.
The magnificence, elegance, splendour,
and extravagance of the times canno: be
described. To frequent the polite cir
cles in those days, a young man must
have been polite, well bred, well educat
ed, and well dressed : they seldom came
into the world till one-and-twenty, and
not till they had travelled, or been in
some foreign country, for a couple of
years at least. It is of the greatest uti
lity for a :young man ta be absent in a
foreign, country for a considerable time.'
Abroad, he must behave well, and be po-'
lite in- company, or he will have half-a-
dozen swords through his body in a week,
which will soon teach him good breed
ing,, better than any thing else I am ac-

5
quainted with. In. these days, young
men are thrown into the* world between
fourteen and fifteen years of age, from
Eton or Westminster school, with their
mind and manners equally unformed. ""A
young man may now come in to a lady's
assembly or ball-room, head or tail fore
most, in a trot, a walk, or a canter — it* is
all the same ; and if he behave ever sa
rude, it is only looked upon as a levity of
youth. If a gentleman in these days has-
but a few guineas in his purse, and wilt
walk directly up to the Faro-table, he
will be the most welcome guest "in the
house: it is not necessary- for1 him to
speak, or even bow, to a single lad}r in
the room, unless some unfortunate Wo
man at the gaming-table ask hiih politely
for the loan of a few guineas : then his
answer need be but short-1-"" No, Dolly>
no,; can't ;" for this. ever will be received!
b 3

f)
as wit, though the unfortunate lady's bo
som maybe heaving, not from the tenderer
passions, but with grief and despair at
havii g lost the last farthing.
When I first came into the World there
was ho such thing as a Faro-table admit-
ed into the house of a Woman of fashion :
m those days they had too much pride to
receive tribute * from the proprietor of
such a machine. In former times there was
xxo such thing in all London as gaming at
a private house, although there was more
deep pky at the clubs at that time than
ever was before or has been since. It is
lamentable to see lovely Woihan destroy
ing her health and beauty at six o'clock
in the morning at a gaming-table. Can
;.!¦•. * .hi sorne houses, la this.agtf, the lady of the house
is paid f.fty guineas each night by the proprietor of the
Faro-table.

any woman expect ta give to her hus
band a vigorous and healthy offspring,
whose mind, night after night, is thus
distracted, and whose body is relaxed by
anxiety and the fatigue of late hours ? It
is impossible. Besides, there is a greater
evil attendant on such practices. Gaming
and liquor have debauched more women
than all the solicitations of the whole race
of man. To appear in company, it was
necessary to be full- dressed : no person
wore a frock in the evening ; a dress-
coat, bag, and sword was. constantly
worn even at the playhouse; and no
gentleman ever attempted to go into the
side-boxes in boots., Tbere were no ira-
pertineAt box-lobby Joungers in those
days, to insult women as they pass, an4
disturb the performance. Every man
then, though, not full-dressed, hut only
B 4

8
in a plain frock, wore a sword. I have
seen one or two impertinent fellows
drawn upon immediately, and stuck up
against the box-door. Now, every bar
ber dresses as well as a gentleman : and
cards of address, every night almost, are
reciprocally exchanged at the playhouse
between the apprentices of a muslin-seller
and a man-milliner, who all wear cock
ades, and pass for officers. — As for my
self, I was extremely extravagant in my
dress. For one winter's dress-clothes
only, it cost me nine hundred pounds.
This extravagance is likely to astonish
the reader : but what, in my opinion,
^should strike him with more wonder, is,
that I absolutely paid the tailor : this ex-
pence was only for dress-suits. I em
ployed other tailors to furnish servants'
clothes, and morning and hunting frocks,
&c. for myself. > .<•

9
I was always handsomely dressed at
every birth- day : bat for one in particu
lar I put myself to a very great expence,
having two suits for that day. My morn
ing vestments cost me near eighty pounds,
and those for the ball above one hun*
dred and eighty. It was a satin coat
brode en plain et sur les coutures ; and
the first satin coat that had ever made
its appearance in this country. Shortly
after, satin-dress clothes became common
amongst well-dressed men. Great officers
of state are in honour compelled to appear
in a handsome suit of clothes at the birth
day of their king: it is but a small part
.of that gratitude and duty they owe- to
their- sovereign, for the dignified situa
tions, he has given them, to. attend on his
person. I had no office of emolument,
advantage, or trust . about his Majesty's
person, excepting an ensigncy in the first

10
regiment of foot-guards, the emoluments
of which did not then amount to four
shillings per day ; which daily pay would
not have paid my tailor his charges of one
single button and button-hole to my gala
suit *. I was of opinion that I could not
pay my sovereign greater respect than by
appearing elegantly and expensively dress
ed at the birth- day ; and I trust his Ma
jesty thought well of it. As silence gives
consent, I am entitled to put a favourable
construction on it; for, from the very
moment I came into the guards as en
sign, to the day I went to the American
war, and to this hour, after having served
my king and country faithfully for seven
* Did I say a button and button-hole? The verv
stitching of a button-hole in those days cost me more :
and the embroidered 'gold-clocks to my stockings,
with which I never failed to appear at a ball or gala-
day,, cost me a much larger sum.

11
long years, I never have been honoured
with one word from his Majesty's lips.
I never was fond of cards or dice, nor
ever played for any considerable sum of
money ; at least, no further than the
fashion of the times compelled me. I
claim, however, no merit whatever for
abstaining from play, as it afforded me no
pleasure: if it had, I certainly should
have gratified that passion, as I have done
some others. But .the turf I was passion
ately fond of, and indulged that pleasure
to a very great extent. I once stood
three thousand guineas on one rade,
Shark against Leviathan, and Won it :
my confederate, Mr. Robert Pigott, stood
five thousand on the event. I was a
considerable gainer by the turf, notwith
standing the enormous expence of keep
ing running --horses in those days ; as every
0

12
horse in training, at Newmarket, cost the.
owner between eighty and ninety pounds
a-year, if not moved from that place;
but if he travelled the country, it was
computed, to clear himself, he must win
three fifty-pound plates during the sum
mer. To use the idea, but not the pre
cise words, of Macheath, I can, with
truth, say, the turf has done me justice :
but the extravagance of the times, the de
lightful pleasures of that age, and the
frailty of my own natui-e, were my ruin.
I must have been more than man, or,
more properly speaking, less than man,
not to have indulged in the pleasures of
the gay world, which I could not partake
of without being at a very considerable
expence ; by far more than my income
could afford. As my estate, together
With a house furnished, which, with
some acres of land, I let to the best of

13
tenants, Mrs. Crewe, the grandmother to
my worthy friend Colonel Crewe, the
young man, I mean, who was wounded
in the expedition to the Helder, for two
hundred a-year, did not exceed eleven hun
dred pounds. This was all I was possessed
of, excepting about three thousand pounds
in cash as a younger child's fortune.
Speaking of Captain Macheath, it re
minds me of a story which has been told
in various shapes, respecting an inter
view I once had in Newgate, with a very
honourable and brave fellow, Hawkes,
the flying highwayman. Honourable and
brave did I say ? — Yes ; I repeat it ;
nay more, he was humane and charitable :
and the following circumstances will, in
the nlind of every liberal individual,
prove him to have been so. He had a
famous mare, which he had oftentimes

14
rode very long distances in a short space ot
time. I had oftentimes seen him at New
market, where he attended the races as a
bettor. In those days I was so fond of rid
ing my own hacknies on the road in a
j oiiraey, that whenever I went any distan ce,
I used to send my seryant in my chaise
with my clothes, and relay my own hack
nies. I had four or five of the speediest and
safest that I believe the country could
produce. Accordingly, when Hawkes
was committed to Newgate, I thought
his mare would have been a great acquisi
tion. Returning from Newmarket to Lon
don, after a very Wet and dirty ride, very
much in dishabille, being in dirty boots, sur-
tout coat and round hat, which no gentle
man in those days wore in London eyen
in boots : In short, just as I was when I
dismounted from my horse, I went to
Newgate, and desired to see Mr. Hawkes,

15
but without telling the turnkey who I
was. The turnkey called him out to the
tap-room, and I heard him tell him that
an acquaintance wanted to speak to him.
After calling for a bottle of wine and
condoliog with him on his situation, I
entered on my business with him, telling
him I knew he had a famous mare, and
that I wished much to buy her. " The
mare," says he, " is a good mare still,
though she has done a good deal of
work ; and, moreover, is as fast a one as
Lever crossed." " Pray, Mr. Hawkes,
what is the greatest distance, in point of
expedition, you ever rode her ?" " Why,
Sir, the longest ground, in a short time,
that she ever carried me, was one evening,
when, after doing a little business near
Salt Hill, I rode her within the hour to
London." " She must be very speedy,
indeed," I replied ; and no more was said

16
about the mare's performances. I then
made him a present of two or three
guineas, and told him, that as the mare
was to be sold for the benefit of the
captors, I hoped he would not deceive
me, but tell me frankly whether he would
recommend me to buy her or not. " Sir,"
answered he, " it is not likely that a man
so near his latter end as I am, (for there is
hardly any chance of my escaping,) should
deceive any one ; therefore, Sir, pray tell
me, for what purpose do you want her?
I replied, For the road, and only for the
road. " Then, Sir, I will fairly tell you
that I recommend you not to purchase
her, for I do not think she will suit you ;
as it was with the greatest difficulty I
could ever get her up to a carriage.
This brave and charitable fellow one
day riding near Uxbridge, well dressed

Und- well mounted, met an -industrious
labourer, who stopped him, and said,
" Gentleman, don't ride that way, as
there are two foot-pads gone up that lane
who have just robbed me." " What have
you lost," says Hawkes. " Ten or twelve
shillings," replied the man ; " all I have
earned by hard labour to support a wife
and family during a week." " Take this
pistol, then, in your hand," said Hawkes,
" and get up behind me, and shew me the
man who robbed you." The countryman
accordingly sprang up behind him, and
they soon overtook the foot-pads : they
then dismounted, and Hawkes, after ask
ing them if they were not ashamed to rob
a poor labourer, knocked one down,
whilst the countryman seized the other :
he took every thing from them, beat them
soundly, and gave the spoils to the coun
tryman. He then mounted his horse, and.
yol. n* c

18
rode off, telling the grateful and astonish
ed rustic to remember the flying high
wayman. This singular character lived, some
years beforfe he was suspected of high
way robbery, near Uxbridge, and was so
charitable to the poor people around him,
that they most sincerely lamented his
condemnation and exit.
I shall beg leave to mention a very sin
gular and gallant action of this extraor
dinary man. After robbing three or four
stage-coaches, before break of day, in the
neighbourhood of London, he stopped
one in which was a lieutenant of a man-
of-war. The lieutenant presented a long
horse-pistol at Hawkes, and told him to
stand off, or that he would shoot him.
Hawkes said he L was determined to

- 19
rob the coach. The lieutenant replied,
I have got but a small sum of money,
which I do not know how to replace ;
and I am resolved that you shall not
have it." " Then, said Hawkes, " get
out of the coach ; I don't want to take
a small pittance from a poor officer, who
has earned it hardly in his country's ser
vice: but mind you, Sir, I will most
assuredly rob this coach, and I shall ad
vance immediately: therefore, be sure you
take good aim, so as to be certain of kill
ing me ; for, on my honour, I shall
not fire till my pistol touches your head."
The lieutenant accordingly * got out of
the coach, and Hawkes robbed the
other passengers ; when he rode off, and
wished the lieutenant a good morning.
This brave man was not like the ruffians
of the present age, who fire into car
riages before they know whether the
i C 2

20
persons in it are armed or not, or in
tend to make any resistance. Let even
a woman be in the carriage, they pay no
distinction to the delicacy of the female
sex. The inhuman murder of that ami
able young man, Mr. Mellish, strikes me
with horror, when I reflect that an Eng
lishman could be guilty of so cowardly
an action. When they stopped him, and
told him to throw his arms out of the
window, he assured them that he had no
arms ; that he was returning from hunting,
and that they might with safety advance
and take his money. But after robbing
him, without the smallest resistance on
his part, the inhuman monsters fired into
the chaise and killed him. One would
hardly think, that, in a brave nation, such
a cowardly miscreant could be found. I
do not judge of the country at large from
the instance of one ruffian, but I am in-
2

21
clined to think, from many circumstances
I could mention, that we are degenerating
very fast.
Now I shall speak to the honour and
honesty of this brave fellow, Hawkes.
In fact, I took a particular liking to this
man, made myself known to him, and
used to go see him at least three times a-
Week, until he was executed. I assured
him, that there was nothing in my power
that I would not do to save his life ; and
actually entered into a plan with him for
his safety, requesting he would point
out any means by which he might be
preserved. " There is nothing but money,
Sir," said he, ff can save me ; but that I
have not ; and even if I had it, I fear
it is now too late ; for the person I rob
bed is bound over to prosecute me at
the ensuing sessions, I immediately put
0 3

00

a fifty-pound note in his hand, asking
him if that was sufficient for the purpose ?
He threw himself on his knees, and blessed
me an hundred times : — " Oh, dear Sir,
had I known you when first confined,
and before I was committed to take my
trial, you could have saved my life ; how
ever, I will try what can be done, and
be assured, Sir, I will not make an im
proper or dishonest use of your money.
A few days afterwards, sitting at break"
fast, my servant told me that a woman
wanted to speak to me : I ordered her to
be shewn up ; and who should this be but
the wife of Hawkes, who came with her
husband's best gratitude and respects to
me, and returned me the fifty-pound
note, informing me that he had tried
every means to no purpose, and that—
die he must.

23
Let those experienced gamesters who
have made a young man of fortune drunk
purposely to win his money, who have
cogged a die, and packed the cards, to
the utter ruin not only of the, suffering in
dividual,' but to the beggary of his family,
who stalk this town in all the pride of
spoliating infamy ; let them, I say, ex
amine their own consciences, if they have
any, and decide who merits the gallows
mostr— they or Hawkes ?
I went constantly to see this brave fel
low in Newgate, till the day of his exe
cution ; when I placed myself on horse
back close to the tail of the cart. Just
before he was turned off, prayers being
ended, he fixed his eyes on me, smiled,
nodded his head to me, and then looking
up to heaven, I am confident from the
signs he made to me that he prayed to
c 4

24
God, before whom he was shortly to ap*
pear, to bless me for my intended kind-*
ness ; then, not waiting for the driving
on of the cart, with a manly exertion, he
sprang out of it, which launched him
sooner into eternity ! — Reader, what think-
est thou of this highwayman ? I will tell
my opinion of him: I would rather have
had the prayers of this man, than of all
the church-going hypocrites of the age,
or any sanctified methodist who reads
prayers in his own family twice a day*.
There are other two interesting stories of
highwaymen, which I shall venture to rer
* A methodist who kept a huxter's shop, when a
great variety of articles were sold, was heard to say
to his shopman, " John^ have you watered the rum ?'*
e Yes." "Have. you sanded the brown sugar ?'¦*
" Yes." "' Have you wetted the tobacco ?" " Yes,'*
'* Then, come in to prayers. "

85
late. A great many years ago? there lived
in Ireland, an officer, a Colonel Coning
ham, who, for what reason I know not,
had been outlawed, and a reward of two
thousand pounds offered by Government
to any person who would bring him a
prisoner to Dublin: he was so beloved
in his owrr country, that no soul would
Jay hands on him, and the officers of
justice knew him to be so determined and
truly brave, that it would' cost two or
three of them their lives to take him.
After a considerable time living in this
disagreeable manner, he resolved to go
to Dublin, surrender himself, and take
his trial. Not many miles from Dublin,
he was stopped by a highwayman, a very
young man, and of genteel appearance ;
when Col. Coningham asked him if he
knew who it was he had stopped ? and on
the young man answering in the negative,

26
" Then," replied the Colonel, " I will tell
you ,• I am the very Col. Coningham for
whose person a reward of two thousand
pounds is offered, and whom the officers of
justice know never will be taken alive by
force; you cannot, therefore, think that a
single highwayman can intimidate me :
you have a very young appearance, and
cannot long have made this business a prac
tice : tell me, therefore, your situation, and
if you are in real want, I will relieve you ;
but rob me you shall not," The young
man replied, " I solemnly declare, Sir, that
I never was guilty of such an action be^
fore ; for I am really a gentleman of good
family, but at this time in the most abject
distress." The Colonel, struck with com
passion and pity, from seeing a man of his
condition driven to such a fatal remedy for
his wants, said to him, " Young man, dis
mount ; give your horse to my postilion,

27
and come into the chaise ; then disarm me,
tie my hands fast, and, having surrendered
me at the castle, claim the two thousand
pounds reward offered to any one who shall
apprehend me." The Colonel and the
young man accordingly journeyed on to
Dublin, when he surrendered the Colonel
safe into custody, and received the whole
of the reward. Thus the gallant Coning
ham acted decidedly, though as determin
ed a man as ever stepped in leathern shoe,
because he saw a gentleman in distress. A
gentleman in these days, if he is not in
Parliament, provided he surrenders to the
King's Bench for various debts, amounting
in all to two or ten thousand pounds ; if
he gives up all his property, and pays
I990I. or 9990I. may be confined for the
remaining ten pounds all his life by an
obdurate creditor ; when a vender of cab
bages may, by obtaining a certificate of

28
bankruptcy, never be imprisoned, and set
up in the same trade again.
My last history of highwaymen is that
Of the famous Morgan, whose name
stands with distinguished fame on the
Bow-street Journals,
Morgan had dogged a Colonel Manley
out of town, on purpose to rob him,
knowing that at all times he was used to
carry a considerable sum of money about
his person, especially on his journey to
Bath, where he was accustomed to play
very deep. Colonel Manley was well
known to be a. man of great persona}
courage, arid, happening to leave town
very late, stopped to dine at one of the
inns in Hounslow. Morgan, growing
impatient, wrote the Colonel a letter, and
sent it by a returned chaise to the house

where he dined, informing him of his name?
and profession, with the assurance that he
was without any accomplice, and waiting
on the heath to rob him ; the Colonel, tak
ing no notice of this to the landlord, or any
one else, as a brave man accepted the
challenge. He had but one brace of
pistols with him, which, he discharged
at Morgan without effect; when Morgan,
putting his pistol in his pocket, advanced
to the chaise, and said, v Colonel, besides
the gold you have in your purse, I know
you have five hundred pounds in bank
notes in your pocket-book, as I can tell
you at what banker's you received that
sum this morning : I will act generously
and liberally by you ; therefore, without
demur, give me your pocket-book." Col.
Manley, astonished both at the gallantry
and generous conduct of the highway
man, gave him his pocket-book, Morgan

30
returned him 25ol. and wished him a good
evening. We do not in general meet
with such civil highwaymen; especially
in these days, I am sorry to say, that
they seem to be bent as much on murder,
as to relieve their wants. I myself
did not experience, a few years past, any
marks of civilities from one of these gen
tlemen, who stopped my chaise near
Gunesbury-lane ; for he fired directly in
my face, and his pistol was not three
feet from my head : but I do not complain;
for I confess I was not over ceremonious
with him, as luckily I fired first and hit
him, which I have reason to suppose ra
ther deranged him, and prevented his
taking any effectual aim at me.
It would have been more regular in me
not to have omitted some things relative to
the genealogy of mjr parents, in the early
1

31
part of my narrative ; but I never claim
ed any merit to myself for regularity,
in any sense of the word. I therefore
trust the generous reader will accept it as
well in this page as in any former one.
I am informed, that some relations of
our family have declared, that our fa
mily were formerly possessors of a very
ancient domain and mansion-house in
the county of Middlesex, called" Bruce
Castle, and that from thence we first
sprung. All I can say is, that I never
heard my father or mother speak of such
a place; and I have heard them relate
many singular and interesting anecdotes of
my ancestors. One in particular I remem
ber well, that the very gentleman, I forget
his name, who sold the estate at DryfHeld
in Gloucestershire, which is now in the
possession of our family, to my grandfa-

32
ther, came to the very door of that hous^
formerly his own, and asked alms. All
I know of the genealogy of my ancestors,
(of which I am not in the smallest degree
vain, it being a matter of total indif
ference to me what they were, and from
Whom or what they sprung,) I will now
relate, and I believe it will be found to
lerably correct,;
My grandfather was Sit George Hanger;
Bart. How he acquired the title I know
hot. I nfever heard my father say that his
father inherited the title ; or who my grand
father's father was, or of what profession
or of what calling; which, indeed, is per
fectly indifferent to me; and not to the
present questiom My grandfather and
grandmother, for ought I know, and, wrha£
is more, for ought I care, might have been
as obscure in their origin, as the parents

33
of the- beautiful Sally, born in our alley,
as the song relates ; and have followed
the same means for their livelihood*.
But to the point. Sir George Hanger had
five or six sons, I forget which, and three
daughters : John the eldest of course re
mained at home, as the young squire al
ways does ; the others were dispersed all
over the world : one, was a Russia mer
chant ; another a Turkey merchant, and
settled at Smyrna ; and the fourth was in
a merchant's house in the city. ~M.y fa
ther, the youngest, went to India ; and,
with more grief than it is possible
for me to express, "I have often heard
him declare, that his father gave him no
j
more than five hundred pounds to begin
* Her father he made cabbage nets,
About the streets he cried them ;
Her mother she made laces long,
" For those that chose to buy them."
&c. &-c. &c.
VOL. II. 1>

34
the world with, as I thought it savoured
much of teaching me prudence and eco
nomy. Now to the female part of our family.
One of my aunts was married to a gen
tleman, by name Lecuse ; I may not be
correct in spelling his name, but so it
was pronounced Another, who left me
my estate in Berkshire, of whom I , shall
speak in another part of this book, was
married to Hare, Lord Coleraine, an Irish
nobleman, of great property both in Ire
land and in this country. The chief part
of his estates in England was in Hert
fordshire. Now, generous reader, I have
.endeavoured- to give as faithful and true an
.account of my family as I am enabled to
do, but I cannot trace them further than
to my grandfather ; and whether those
who went before them sold cabbage nets

arid made laces long, and cried their ho
nest labour about the streets, is a mat
ter of perfect indifference to me*
My father, after an absence of ten years,
returned to England for the benefit of his
health ; and I have heard him often say,
that he wras hot then Worth more than
twenty- five thousand pounds^ Shortly af
ter his arrival, one of his brothers died and
left him his property, which Was sufficient
to enable hini to live in this country, and
put an end to his design of returning to In
dia. However, to bring the good fortune
of my father to a speedy conclusion ; His
four brothers died, all without issue, in a
very few years after his arrival, and be
queathed him all their wealth to a1 very con
siderable amount. His two married sis
ters died without issue1, and both left him
-something ;n the -one, Lady Coleraine, as I
D 2

;o

have observed before, bequeathed to me
my estate in Berkshire. My aunt Jane,
who resided at Bath, died in virgin purity,
never having been married, and left all
she possessed to my father. Thus did
Fortune turn her wheel in his favour,
who had but five hundred pounds to
begin the world with, that she brought
him, by the death and good wrill of his
relations, to great affluence and riches :
a most fortunate event for his three sons*,
who were curiously endowed by nature
to spend it.
Speaking of my family, it may be as
well to mention here as in any other
part of this Work, by what means my
* Three pretty boys did Gabriel get,
The youngest George by namej Sir,
A funny dog, not favoured much
By fortune or by fame, Sir."

3;
father was, made Lord Coleraine in the
kingdom of Ireland.
His sister, Miss Anne Hanger, as I have
already observed, wras married to Hare,
Lord Coleraine. But my father was not
in the most distant degree related to
him, except by marriage. Hare, Lord
Coleraine, however, dying without .is
sue, or heir to the title ; my father, Ga
briel Hanger, claimed it, with just as
much right as the clerk or sexton of
the parish. After the same manner as
Jupiter overcame the beautiful Danae,
did he prove an undoubted right to
the title, and was created a peer of Ire
land. A lady of high rank, and of no
inconsiderable influence in the days of
that excellent king, George the Second,
is supposed to have been benefited very
d 3

38
considerably by one of these glistening
showers. If a nobleman could bequeath his vir
tues, his abilities, and courage to his pos
terity, the same as he can will his lands
and property, then a noble descent would
be very valuable. By intermarrying with ..
the children of Howe, Duncan, St. Vin
cent, and Nelson, we might insure arace of
herbes to the State : but, alas ! how many
great men, Who died in the last century,
would be shocked if they could but look
out of the grave and view those to whom
their titles are descended. As for the re*-
versionary chance that, in the wheel of
fortune,sI may have to the title in our fa
mily,'^ am willing to dispose of it at a
very cheap0 rate to any vain man .who
seeks for empty honours ; for, if titles are

30
not bestowed as a reward of merit, they,
are of no value in my estimation. The
King can give titles, but he cannot be
stow virtue, abilities, or courage.
I had not been above two years in Eng
land when I was engaged in a most sin
gular adventure,— the very thought of
whichjtothis moment, fills me with alarm.
It was very much the fashion in those days
to walk on Sunday evenings, during the
summer, in Kensington-gardens.,, v. They
were much crowded, and frequented by
well-dressed persons of all ranks and de
scriptions. ?A particular friend of mine
came to me in the morning, and desired
that I would be in the garden that even
ing,, as he had something particular to
mention to me, which he would impact
when * we met. I was there to my .ap.-5
pointment, and joined him bn the prome-
d 4

40
nade. He then told me, his reason for
asking me to accompany him w^as that
he was anxious to have some conversation
with a lady who would be in company
with a female friend, whose attention to
what might pass between them he wished
me to divert by my attention to her. We
did not join them till near dusk, when,
drawing off from the public walk, wre
passed to that part of the garden near to
the palace, where formerly, before the gar
dens were cleared of the underwood, many
of the walks were bordered with very
thick and high yew-hedges, which, from
the trees and shrubbery behind them,
were rendered impervious to the view.
It was almost dark, the night being much
overcast. We were sitting on one of the
garden-seats, when, at some distance, we
saw a man coming down the gravel- walk,
The women proposed getting up, and re?

41
tiring by one of the small passages be«
tween the yew -hedges into the sham-*
bery, lest the person approaching us might
know them. ' It was now half past nine
at night ; and my friend and the two ladi zs
retired into the shrubbery. I stood be
fore the opening of the yew-hedge, as
this man came opposite to me on the
gravel-walk ; and when he was about six
or seven paces from me, he made a dead
halt, and faced about towards me. I
spoke not a word for at least two or
three minutes, while he kept walking a
few paces backwards and forwards
viewing me, and seeming as if he wish
ed to see what was behind me. At
length, quitting the centre of the gravel-
walk, he advanced two or three paces
nearer to me. It was then high time for
me to decide what I should do. But,
before I proceed, it is necessary to men-

42
tion, that very imprudently I had put my
glove in my mouth to disguise my voice ;
for, had I spoke to him in my natural
tone, on perceiving that I could not be
the person he sought after, he might have
gone away. On his advancing, I again
said, " Sir, you cannot pass this way."
Upon which he immediately put his hand
to his sword : nor did I delay to draw
mine, when I retired within the narrow
passage of the hedge, to make sure, if he
was determined to force an entry, that I
should have the advantage of parrying"
any thrust from him, when he could not;"'
prevent my acting against him. He im-'
mediately advanced close to the hedge,*'
with his sword half through it ; at the
same' time grumbling inwardly, and ab
solutely snorting and blowing with anger. I
I could have run him through the body,
with the greatest facility, in the disadvan-

43
tageous situation in which he was ; but,
instead of acting, I said, " For God's
sake, Sir, do not advance ! you cannot
want any thing of me ; it is impossible
that I should be the person you are look
ing for : but I swear, if you advance one
step further, I will kill you !" At this
moment my friend came up on one side
of me, and, in a low voice, said, " My
dear George, for God's sake don't kill
him !" ? In those days I wa.s in great ha
bits of fencing, having a person to attend
me three times a-week to perfect me in
that science. Being very strong in the
arm and wrist, I was ever prepossessed.
with an idea, that if I could, unobserved,
change from the one side of my adver
sary's; blade to the other, and beat on it,
I should be certain of hitting the very
best fencer. ?. This was a favourite coup {
of, »niine ; .and I now put it in practice

44
with such velocity, force, and success,
that if it had not been for the hedge into
which I drove his sword, and in which it
was for a moment entangled, I believe
sincerely that I should have forced the
sword out of his hand. At the instant I
beat upon his blade, I made a gentle bott
at him, slightly opposing my sword to his
body, and just pricked him, at which he ,
started back a couple of paces. I never
advanced, but kept my position within
the hedge, knowing that, from the ad
vantage of it, I could do any thing with
him I chose ; and, had he advanced again, (
I was resolved not to attempt to run him
through the body, but to gather his blade,,
and attempt to disarm him. Notwith
standing my having made him lightly feel
the point of my sword, he never spoke
one word, but stood snorting and puffing
with rage. I then said, " Sir, for God's

45
sake, go away ! I do not wish to hurt
you : you must be conscious that I could
have run you through the body if I had
been so disposed : let me, therefore, entreat
you to go away. I know you not ; nof
can you want any thing of me, or of any
person with me;" for really and truly I
did not know him ; nor did I ever after,
with any degree of certainty ; yet, from
his figure, size, and walk, I had my suspi
cions who he was, as well as from his being
very shy of me when I attempted some
time afterwards to be acquainted with
him. The story was buzzed about the town
that I had been engaged in a rencontre in
the dark with an unknown person in Ken
sington gardens, to protect two ladies and
a gentleman from being discovered by
him. Thus the story was told, and no
person ever was acquainted with any fur
ther particulars of this affair ; which may
l

40
be thought singular, as two women were
parties to the transaction *. They were
certainly sworn to secrecy for their own
interest : my friend never entrusted it to
any person ; and I never have, nor ever
will, so help me God ! Nor should I ever
have written this, were not my friend and
one of the ladies in their graves. What
is most singular, the women had discre
tion and art sufficient to put this story
about as if they themselves had never
been concerned in it ; and it was the most
sensible method they could adopt As I
could not be suspected of any intimacy

. * I know it is generally the opinion, that women
Jj /:,.->¦. J. ' • . ' - '-•' -----
cannot keep a secret, and are not to be trusted. A
base woman, or a weak one, is not to be trusted j ho
more.is a silly fellow, or an infamous scoundrel . But we
undervalue women by far too much : if you; possess
the good opinion and friendship of a sensible and ho-
fie'st woman, you may trust her as safely as a mah'of
integrity. G

47
with" them; fori never had spoke twice
in my life to either before that night,
nor very seldom after : they 7" of course,
never mentioned my friend's name^and
made it a matter of wonder who he
could be. — To return to my antagonist
in the gravel-walk : — At my solicitations
and entreaties he put up his sWord, and -
walked back the same way he came." I
watched him i out of sight ; but, it may
be well credited, I did not follow him?
Judge, reader, what pleasure I must have
felt when he was gone ! Reflect only oh
my horrid situation ! Had I killed this1
man, one half at least of the censorious
wTofld would have believed "that my friend
and,, me had } assassinated him.,.. If -he
haebikiiled me,ro the consequences must
have' been very11 disagreeable to all par-
-•...' bi-». .-. ¦ "i 6 q.r -i 'tb- . :y.z . :-:;;- ariJ
ties: the women and my friend, at all
events, must have come forward. During

.-..48

the conflict, '-which lasted a considerable
time, I dare say above five minutes, a
thousand horrors and fears rushed into
my mind, and unstrung my soul. As to
the matter of a duel, had it been- in day
light, with a second, I should not have
thought more than others on such an oc
casion, having fought three duels before
I- «was twenty years old ; since which
time, I- assure the reader,, that I have, been
as peaceably inclined as my . neighbours,
•and in no way whatever disposed to quar
rels : — indeed I am not of a quarrelsome
temper. I solemnly declare I was so dis
mayed, that, if it had not, been., for .disco
vering the women, and had I been waiting-
there alone expecting to meet son^,kind
fair one, I should have taken to nay, heels
atod. run away as. fast as my legs.w^uld
have carried me. I have certainly been
iaAsoHie .disagreeable situations in,, life

4Q
since that period, but never, in my days,
have I been so alarmed : it is not possible
for me to describe what I suffered. — To
end this narrative: My carriage was
waiting at the palace-gate, and we walk
ed down to the gardener's house, and pre*
vailed on him to let us out, for it was
then past ten. We put the women into
the carriage, who were set down in Lon
don, not at their own house, as may be
well imagined; and my friend and I
walked home, rejoicing on having escaped
so well out of so ticklish a situation.
Having already mentioned the extrava
gance and excesses of the nobility and pri
vate gentlemen at the west end of the
town, it will be but fair, in return, to
take a view of the honest merchant and
citizen at the east end. Tbe first que
stion he asks his friend, when he rises- in
VOL. II. E

50
the, , morning, is, " Howl are"" stocks ?"•-—«
"Very flat, indeed."— " How is om-:
nium ?" — " Much the- same as yesterday. \
-r— W My dear friend, Is there no hopes of
sugars rising ? I bought up a great quan-"
tity in the market, and have them now:
on hand." — " None whatever : there. has
been no hurricane in the West Indies
this season, and the crops were abun
dant." — " That, my friend, is very, tin-'
fortunate: and, above all, there is no
hopes now of the enemy capturing th©
homeward-bound West-India fleet,, from;
the great superiority we have at sea : ton-:
raerly, and in other wars, we speculators!
had some chance, even when the market:
wras glutted with sugars, or any other arrisIeL
'o£ tradesuto sell them- to -some- .advantage-,;!
or at least not lose by them, when the
product lay but in Tew hands :: however.
I am determined to stand my chance, for

51
I won't sell at the present indifferent
price ; i and,* T as I bought . them two*
per cent, cheaper than they4 now are, I
can't be a f "great loser."— -" Pray, my
friend, have iyou heard how provisions
are; are they likely to be cheaper }"*¦&
"lam afraid not, for bread Will rise two
assizes next Thursday ; and meat,, cheese,
and bacon are extremely dear also."— :
" 'Why, then, on Thursday bread will be
eighteen pence' " the quartern loaf. My
G6& I: how can the poor live if theTarm-
ers^nd coiftficftors are permitted to hoard
up the grain * ?" There being no demand
, for ruin or sugars, and stocks being "very
flat, nothing is to be done that1 day in thfc '
Alley: he, therefore, goes to iht coffee
house to hear the news ; when^ tafcirigpup* k"
;?'ff* '"irarf'w *\^5:it1 y6'"3Rol'-1ort le?>?\ ir *?"
* This is the,public cant the honest merchant holds,
at the same time he has 100,000 1. of rum and sugars in
..-.)'¦¦ .•<--- -¦¦ -f- ¦•'.- <¦¦ ¦ ¦ '',-..'. n\ \
bis Stores, purchased on speculation to sell again.
E 2

52
paper j he reads-— Yesterday, Lord A— '*-
Idst Seven thousand pounds at Hazard, at
MileV-s Club, St/ James's Street ;iJand Mr.
Bi five thousand pounds, the same night,
&t Brooks's. Turning to an acquaintance
near him, he exclaims, " Good God! Sir,
how shocking is the passion that, some
men have for play ! The extravagance,
vice, and profligacy of the men of fashion
of the present age, and beyond all belief;
not only distressing themselves by play*
but reducing their wives and families to
beggary! It is horrid indeed, Sir!"— *? and
Will not bear reflection," replies his neigh
bour. Now this very man, * not a fort-
3tig&tf4ffeti&5 ^atilhe last settling dayj gn4$-
QgftnefJ -thousand pounds by speculating in.
-'th6 Alfey-. :"' '¦'- 'But this is not 'all the honest
$M8^h doe*^ if he did ho Worse than spe-
26«iaX^Mth\;Ms own money, he' Would-be
-tbe 3mly! sufferer, and surely might-- rea-

diLy, be ; forgiven, and even pitied Mkuo?
fortunate^ But^what monsters ,iawiekf
edness have, we witnessed amongst .these
honest, citizens, by involving whole f^mii-
lies of industrious people, who have
entrusted them with their little all, the
savings of many years' labour, in their
own ruin ! then, not daring to live, they
§eek; the crefuge that is to be found in sui
cide. ^ttfemOnster in atrocity, superlativelyj^ef
farious, exceeding by. far all other culprit?,
and-who has comprehendedijaf&rcgr^ftt^r
nuhiber* pf ind jvid uals i n :- his f uj$£ tha«j[$$s
=feay| before heard of; h£$ides^hjfc^jif|f$s
w|o. ib&ve; been Y§r$sk§§bim@k%Pmi 1 <im
lady, by his: baseness jandJteaoh^y^ 4$tt
thirty Jhoits^nd ip&JInds ;ii and>0& r$8jt«ig
^4^i^n-lwiress,.whose-sol^^^er|y^§s -jj*i hi«;:pj?sse;ssion,c lost r heS .-alviatp 9$JC
E 3

54
amount of sixty thousand pounds; yet
this miscreant lies buried, I doubt not,
with a very flaming inscription on his
tomb-stone, setting forth every virtue
which he did not possess. It were juster
by far that the following epitaph should
adorn his sepulchre :
Hie jacet  1 *******}
Alieni appetens alienique profusus ;
Who robbed the Hangman of his Fees,
And by Suicide deprived the Laws of a just Revenge.

Had this wretch, indeed, robbed no one
but the hangman, it had been well ; but,
by a death too sudden, he has added to
his other robberies that of robbing the
world of its right to hold him up to 'pub
lic infamy, and to make him a terrible
example. Enough of such monsters! — Letushbvr

view^ the real bpnesjL monej^maklng ,c,e%
sprious citizen of London, (for he ajso
$an descant at large on the vices and^r
cesses of the age,) and , let. us, inquire of
what real benefit or use he is of to soejety
at large : he is but little better jthan the
Dutch merchant, whose soul is his tilj,
and looks up to God only through the
crevice by which the money passes into
it : he walks in no temple but his count-
";^'T V.-:'- lo .trSf^F ¦ ' * V
ino- house, and has no faith but in his
banker, and his heart strings and his purse
3§trings are | synonymous terms. >. ,, In \he
morning he goes to the Exchange,, isjrpc-
CUpied all the forenoon, and best parf of
-^the day, in making money; g^^jho^e
. todipner, gormandises at table * and^gets
.dxynk after; goes tombed, rise^Jjhe nj|$ct
morning to repeat his daily labou^j^ggts
drunk again, is cuckolded, and dies. A
K^brt^ight, after bis; burial, his, ,spn makes
e 4

5$
water on his grave; his favourite dog fol
lows the young master's example ; and
this hop<|M youth, for whom he -has
been -toiling for many years, takes ass
much0 pains to spend the fortune, as his
father did to acquire it.
A good merchant is a good man ; and i
a good man is a good merchant : it is also
said, that a good mason is a good man;
and that a good man also is a good mason;.;
I do -not dispute it ; but it reminds me pf s
sharpers tossing up for money with fools^.
and crying, Heads / win, Tails you lose: I
X now return to a more interesting pb-o
jecfo-need I inform my readers that T::
mean myself?
i After a few years enjoyment of every ;
pleasure and * satisfaction in life, which.

67
that age of pleasure, extra'tagarfee, and
elegance, was calculated to afford, a sad
den and unforeseen event took place, the
result of which I have everT>had cause
to repent from that early hour to the
present moment. I do not wish to rip
up old grievances, especially as one of
the parties who profited at my'expertee
is dead, and the other is a near friend.
It "i insufficient to say, that I conceived
myself most unjustly treated relative1 to
a! promotion that took place in the first
regiment of foot guards, in which corps
I had then the honour of being an ehsighi
Great parliamentary interest was the cause
of it; to the entire destruction of my promo-
tibn?ha a service to which I was most de1—
voutly attached ; and of which I resolved"*
to experience the substance, not the dis-
gRjroefiil empty shadow of parading labout
tht>sliaeets3of London, with the outward!

58
n^syjriasig3Jia" of a :soidief,; a cockade
¦ and' red. coat, 'iThisI. evinced by volun
tarily going into the Hessian service to
.America very shortly after. Had I re
mained in the first regiment of guards,: I
should at this moment have had the
honour of commanding that regiment for
above a twelvemonth ; which the rotation
tori names here mentioned will plainly
prove to my old friends, the brigade ; pf
guards ; they were as follow : D'Oy-
ley, Buff, Strickland, Fanshaw, Edmp.n-
- stone, Hanger. My old acquaintance Qf-
neral D'Oyley has long been out of the re
giment ; soon after the Helder expedi-
ltion ^ Duff, before him, had ai regiment.
^Strickland quitted the regiment and. re
tired as a private gentleman, and is since
odead. bFanshaw soldi out, and WTent into
I the Russian service, in which, a very few
years ago, he was, still living. ; Edition-

59
stone died aid-de-camp to General RicV
tarell/ the commander in- chief of the Ger
man ftroops under General Burgoyrie in
Canada. r;> Next came a youth, ^not much
favoured by fortune or by fame, your
humble servant, George Hangerl a My
gallant and old friend, George- Ludlow,
(General Ludlow,) .who now commands
the first regiment of* guards, was hot
above half-way up the ensigns when;!
quitted the regiment, with four captains
junior to me. so This statement willTprove
feKthose who are conversant with the pro
motion of the army, in what an high si
tuation I should have * stood in t point of
rank and command, had I remained; in
theguards^ml quitted the guards, at the
period when ~ the American war com
menced, in which fate destined me to
$erve. * With i a heart-felt satisfaction I
= Reflect that I had the sense of my regi-

^0
j^njtj^itfej^^, who wished me to remain
W4j^fth©iri, and feit the injury I had sus-
^ainfed:- and with so t favourable an eye
idjd that distinguished o^cer and true
|#ej^el.to a soldier, General Hervey, fview
my case, as to tell me, that if L2wpul4
draw -up a memorial, he would present it
tp.the King. All my friends advised TOf
tp8 „ remain ^ in 0 the regiment ; and m^
i^rthy friend, -that , enlightened ^Q-jpf
m$nd#r, Sir William Draper* ^^r^fo
lar advised me so to do. I never, £ha$
forget his words : — "^You are used vgr$
ill, but yo\i ,carmot contend ^jlga/gat
power: put up with-it, and use it3||
f?meiMwe Period as a plea to; he^erj*,
?d- ?-.-.-; fet I( was too young tp take $fc
mfn&PiitW haughty and high inblpo^
teS^^^FO^an injury withQutresenting
ikr#^i# 3TO&?#i the. indignation, ,.I felt, '
on the occasion. D§af to all advice, and

•'trl
blind2 to my' owh interest, vexed, heated,
and agitated with an honest consciousness
of the wrongs I had suffered, I resolved
on quitting the guards, and of serving in
the Hessian troops in America. SI gave in
my resignation, but never mentioned my
intentions to any soul living, except to
my worthy, old, and dear friend and pro
tector, Lord Southampton, then General
Fitzroy^ I cannot pass over in silence the
friauy -favours and friendships I received
from that accomplished and excellent per
son. I should be guilty of the basest in
gratitude did I not acknowledge them.
Jle wras my kind friend and sage a"dviser
through life: and wnth truth I can say,
that whenever I followed his advice; I
prospered; and, -when 1 failed to consult
him, l: was always unsuccessful. XT am
lraad^not, without reason, of the inti* ,

62
mate footing on which I lived with this
¦nobleman for many years ; and, until the
dayofhisdeath, I possessed both his friend
ship and confidence, which my old friend,
George Fitzroy* the present Earl, well
knows, f Jie was then General Fitzroy,
and had served in the seven-years' war in
Germany, under the orders of Prince Ferr
dinand, during which time he had con
tracted a great intimacy with General
Schliefen, who then was minister to his
Serene Highness the Landgrave of Hesse'
Cassel. His Highness was graciously
pleased, from the application of General
Schliefen, to appoint me a captain in the J
Hessian Jager corps. At my particular
request, General Fitzroy kept my appli
cation a. profound secret ; for I was de-*
termined not to continue in the British
service; though, had my intentions been

6s
known," some pfersons;- perhaps; might*
have had sufficient influence on me tor
hawe&deterred infisf&om my project.
In my way down to Andoverin Hamp^ '
shire, where I kept my hunters, I called j
on my old and intimate friend, Lord
Spencer Hamilton, and imparted to him
what I.had done, in confidence of his' se"-^
crecy. I kept this design of mine so prOJ
found a secret, that it was not in the least
imawi or suspected, till one day, after
hunting, while I was at dinner with my-
friendLord Egmont, and some other gen
tlemen', at. t the Castle-inn, Marlborough,^
the waiter, informed me that an' express -
was arrived to me from the Hessiah mi
nister. After reading the con-tents, that -
he ;had received 3 a dispatch from Hesse-
Cassel, in which his Serene- Highness -th6?
Landgrave had appointed me a captain in

64
his corps of Jagers, and had sent my com
mission to him, I threw the letter on the
table for the company to peruse, which
they did with the utmost' astonishment.
I set off for London the next day, and
ordered all my horses to town to be sold
at my old friend Tattersall's, of whose re
gard for me I shall have occasion to speak
more fully in another part of this Work.
By this time I had contracted a mortgage
on my estate of thirteen thousand pounds,
and had been for some time resolved to
sell it, and take a general review of my
affairs, with which I had been for a long
time but little acquainted; constantly
raising money from time to time as I
wanted it. Preparatory to a sale, I had
employed a person, with my steward, to
survey the estate.
About this time,beingin company with

65
Mr. Wyatt the great land-surveyor, witfi
whom I was on terms of the greatest in
timacy, he said to me, " George Hanger,
you have had your estate surveyed, and,
as I am informed, intend to sell it: I
have been in your neighbourhood lately,
and know, I believe, rather more of your
estate than you do yourself." To which
I readily assented, or he must have known
very little of it indeed. " Then," conti
nued he, " as I have a regard for you, I
request, if you have any faith in my
knowledge of estates, that you will put it
into my hands to dispose of it, — but upon
one condition, to which you must, be-
fore this company, pledge me your ho
nour." — I knew my man ; and therefore,
on my honour, I promised to assent to
whatever he had to propose. — ". I have,"
continued he, " a very good estateof my
own, and, besides, I am paid very ljbe-
VOL. II. F

.66
rally by several noblemen and gentlemen
for the management of their estates, and do
not want to make any money of you : you
must, therefore, faithfully promise me, that
you will never request my acceptance of
tone farthing for my trouble ; my expences I
will charge you, and nothing more, as
my design and wish is to serve you as a
friend." Such was the generous and noble
manner in which my friend Wyatt acted
by me. " Your estate," said he, "is very
valuable ; far more so than ybu imagine.
I have been acquainted with all the par
ticulars of it by a skilful man, a surveyor
who lives near you, who advised me to
ibuy it ; but I have just bought an estate,
- or I would have purchased it : but that
is out cf the question, as I have no more
money-" I thought myself inexpressibly fortu-

67
hate to have met with a man of such
known, integrity, who came forward as a
friend. to serve me; and rejoiced in leaving
my affairs, on my departure for America,
in the hands of so honest and able a man :
but, alas ! cruel Fate, which has destined
me to suffer misfortunes and misery in
various shapes, had decreed it otherwise,
by the sudden death of my friend a
short time after I had left my native
shores* This melancholy and unfortu
nate event proved my ruin : the particu
lars of which I shall relate in their proper
place*
kj j, Mr. j Wyatt passed several days with
j^me and my steward in surveying the
estate before my departure, when I. gave
him the fullest warrant of attorney . that
could be made by law, to sign, seal,selb
f 2

68
&c. &c. &c. and was happy in so doing'*
After Mr. Wyatt had completed the sur
vey, and made-' his calculation on the
estate, I asked him, if he had formed a
sufficient judgment of it to tell me nearly
what it wras wTorth ? He replied, " It is,
honestly, worth twenty-four thousand
pounds : and, I give you my honour,
that if I had not lately bought an estate,
I would myself give you that sum for it."
I' shall now for a time drop the subject of
my estate ; but I judged it necessary to
mention the value at which he estimated
it, on account of the sum for which it
was sold some time afterwards.
' I now returned to London, and was
presented at Court, as a Hessian officer,
by my friend Baron Kutzleben, the Hes-
&hn minister. This took place early in

Go.
January, and I sailed the fifteenth day of
the ensuing March from Portsmouth for
America.
Yj I should be guilty of ingratitude if I
did not acknowledge the singular kind
ness which Lord North shewed me when
I first resolved on quitting the British
service. I had the ' honour of being as
well acquainted with him as his high
rank as minister of the country, and
my inferior situation, could admit ; for I
was accustomed to meet him oftentime$
in many of the first and gayest circles in
London : for this able statesman, the best
of private characters, the most pleasant,
engaging, and amiable of mankind, did
not bury himself in the inaccessible re
treats of Dowhing-street ; but, when af
fairs of state did not require his atten
tion, relaxed himself in the fashionable
f 3

70
assemblies, which he never failed to en-.
liven by that incomparable flow of wit
and good humour which he possessed.
It was absolutely necessary that I should,
if not recommended by the minister, have
his permission ; or at least that he should
acknowledge me as an officer and a gen
tleman. On my relating to this liberal
and friendly nobleman how I had been
treated, and merely requesting him to re
commend me as a gentleman to the Hes
sian minister, he replied, " My dear Mr.
Hanger, however displeased you may be,
from the history you have related to me,
surely you do not prefer any foreign ser
vice to your own ; and there will be se
veral new regiments raised, in which you,
from your situation*, are entitled to serve,
* At this time I had the rank of Captain.

7i
with ah advanced rank."-—" My Lord, I
understand your meaning, and return you
my most sincere thanks for your kind in
tention ; and I assure you, on my ho
nour, I shall be as grateful for your in
tended goodness as if I accepted it : but I
find myself so vexed, grieved, and injur-r
ed, that nothing on earth can make me
remain in the British army." He then
said, " I am sorry you are so determined,
Mr. Hanger ; but if you will bring the
'Hessian minister to me any morning, I
will give orders that you shall be admit-
ed, and will say any thing you shall
please to the Hessian minister." — " My
Lord, I most gratefully acknowledge my
obligations to you : I wish you only to
recommend me to his Serene Highness
theJ'Landgrave's protection." — <•" It shall
be done, Sir :" — and of course it was, and
f 4

7.?
in the most friendly and handsome man
ner. Ye young officers, who may read these
pages, take warning from what I have
suffered by not accepting of this kind
offer, and in being too hasty and violent
in quitting the guards. It is of little avail
for those who have no power to kick
against the pricks : you will only wound
your own heel.
It is necessary, before I step on ship
board for America, that I should mention,
on account of the ruin which soon after
wards overtook me, that I went to every
public place in London, for near three
months, and dressed in my foreign uni
form. My departure for the war was
known to the whole town ; and it may

73
surely be believed that those to whom I
was indebted would not have permitted
me to depart without paying them, or
finding them security : — In short, I did
give them the most satisfactory security ;
for I gave them my own, confirmed by
that of Mr. Wyatt, .

75

CHAPTER I.
Advice to Bishops and Legislators, how
to correct the Immorality and Jaco
binism of the Age.
Jt is a pity that so worthy a man as Mr.'
Brothers the prophet, and Prince of the
Hebrews, should be shut up and confined
in a mad-house ! The poor man is no
more mad than I am : he is only, like
myself, a little flighty in his imaginations ;
and his favourite topics, like mine, are
religion and morality, in which surely
we are both worthy of praise. His in
fluence with the populace might be turn
ed to advantage in these times ; for many
had so great a reverence and respect for

76
him as to kiss the skirts of his coat when
he was taken up and took his leave of the
public. It is a pity they did not go a
little higher when they were about it.
Besides, he might be made useful, and
brought over at a cheap rate ; for I do
not think he would have the assurance
to rate his abilities at any thing like thir^
ty-seven thousand pounds, which others
have done ; not that I mean to suggest its
being more than equivalent to their supe^
rior talents. Though only Prince of the
Hebrews, he could not have the confidence
to demand one-tenth part of that sum.
His prophecies would be of infinite - serr
vice ; they would act as ¦ a tub which
amuses the whale, and enables the- state-*
pilot to steer his vessel without interruption;
An Elizabeth Canning, a Cock-lane ghost/
or a Prophet, when moved by able hands,
maybe made of the greatest service to

77
Government, by drawing off the imper
tinent curiosity and attention of the Peo
ple to the management of State affairs.
The price of bread might be greatly
lowered, if a proper attention were paid
to the consumption of meat, particularly
in the city of London. A pound of meat
is sufficient for any gentleman, or reput
able tradesman, for dinner, who does no
labour : for those who work hard, one
pound and a half is fully sufficient. I
would have every man punished with one
day's labour on the highways, or paving
the street, or erecting fortifications to pro
tect our country, who dared to exceed
the above-mentioned allowance. Such a
regulation would be beneficial to agricul
ture, and tend to bring down the price of
corn ; as, the consumption of butcher's
meat being thus diminished, more corn
i

78
would be sown, and less attention paid
to pasture lands, which would be of con
siderable advantage to the poor in redu
cing the price of bread, which is the staff
of life ; for much animal food is destruc
tive of health, and generates many dis
eases, and particularly the gout : the citi
zens of London wrould become more ac
tive, and their bellies in time be reduced
to a moderate size, much to their own
benefit and the comfort of their wives. ,
.., The health, &c. of the citizens might be
considerably expedited by a proper regu
lation of the quantity of liquor drank in
the day, as nothing increases the protUr
berance of the belly so much as liquor.
The, belly .might as well be excised as
many other things, and put under the in
spection of the revenue -officers : and I
make no doubt but that some ingenious

79
mechanic would invent an instrument to
gauge the' stomach and abdominal cavi
ties to as great a nicety as any other tub
or vessel.
i The country would derive a consider
able additional advantage from the Lord
Mayor, Aldermen, and Common Coun
cil; for, a if they wrould not abstain from
feasting to excess,- the State would be be
nefited at least bv their labour: we should
then see no more unwieldy aldermen
sweltring and rolling along -'Cornhill to
the 'Change, moving' no faster than land-
crabs; but they would come ' bounding-
along like nimble deer, to' which indeed
they now are as unlike, except about the
head, as the antelope and the elephant.
Their wives, instead of frowning at
the a.-eiriblies at Haberdashers' Hall, on
ib*. approach cf their bulky husbands,

80
would receive them with simpers and with
smiles. ,. What an alteration the diminu-
tion of bellies would create in the; city,
where the women are so continually and
grossly employed in reproaching their
husbands with gormandising and gluttony.
Were these salutary rules enforced, the
citizens would not only be benefited in their
health, but also in domestic happiness; for,
with the diminution of the belly, we
should perceive a visible decrease of the
brow-antlers, and honest men * would
be seen only at the west end of the town,
where belly or no belly makes no .differ
ence ; for, if a man keep himself as lank
and sleek as a greyhound dog for a race,
it will not insure him a smooth forehead,

* A title-otcasionally- given, and with great consi
deration, propriety, and humanity, to cuckolds.-

81
in the partshes'of St. James's, St. George*s,
St. Mary-la-bonne, and St. John's, West*
minster. It is, as I have before observed, the
height of all human wickedness to think
carnally of Woman in any other respect
than for the purpose of obeyiflg the com
mand of increase and multiply ; and it is
for this purpose, and this alone, that cer->
taife desirefe are implanted in our frame.
If we exceed this original design, We act
in direct contradiction to the designs' of
Providence, which gave us the means of
gratification, but has made it our duty als.9
to'consist in using moderation in all things;
and to apply all Our faculties to answer
the immediate ends for which they wer®
given us. The contrary of this is not only
considered as a very heinous offence by me,
but also by the religious fathers and mo-
vol. it. o

82
.ralistf in, mores former and more- pious
ages, as -related -by Athanasius Vincentius
in his Notes on Theoph. Aletheus, e¥f%o
was of opinion, that " scortatio cum pro
pria uxore com mitti potest, cum non li-
>berorum quaerendorum causa, sedadex-
.-piendain libidinem, vel cum praeghante
.aut lactanteres habetur.";;f: Young mar
ried warnen also should live recluse fora
certain time after marriage, and not/be
even permitted to appear in public ; but
instead of this, in open defiance of all mo-
desty? they frequently consummate; tbe
; marriage at inns and public places, and
come down to breakfast the next morn
ing, and appear in all the public circles
¦¦ as- unembarrassed as if nothing bad, Jiap-
KeHedj and as unconcerned? as. if thfyxhad
oi^y undergone the operation of, phlfibo-
^mytin^the arm for.- p. slight cold-.. .Here
-Jj^g&tetafe the. opportuj»t^ .of payk^a

g~3
duectribate of "praise to the' superior deli-
- caey and ' modesty of the Jewish nation,
-Who rigidly* observe a custom highly de
serving the imitation of Christians. They
separate' themselves from their wivfes the
day after consummation,' for fifteen days
and nights, during which"" period the
-bride: is Consigned to the care of her fe
male relations. For my own part," I am
free to acknowledge, though not over-
jburthened with any mdavaise Hbnte, nor
j f>artieularly squeamish, I have never wit-
-rtfes§gdi"a scene of this nature without my
- modesty having < suffered a considerable
sfeack.* 'jE-ilf-thfe Earl Marshal of these days was
*tf nulled' to do his duty at the court,
JW^ififcfe his predecessors in distant reigns so
«tHctly attended to, wliich was r%, less
tfaairta shave ail prostitutes that itnght be
G 2

84
found within the royal purlieus, we might
expect shortly a very considerable amende
ment in the virtue of our females, or at
least the satisfaction of knowing that the
v
immodest would be disgracedand punish
ed. , The present Earl Marshal cannot
surely refuse to revive, an ancient cere-
nron}^ which would contribute so much
Jo .the destruction of the immorality ; and
Jacobinism of this sinful age.
With pain I am compelled to observe,
ifcwt'rnen and women too frequently go
to .church for wicked purposes, and not
for the sake of prayers or preaching. The
impiety and Jacobinism is so great, that
w8p even at xburch cannot keep their
egBfroS: \he women ; and the women are
%S$$lyf' in their tusn as culpable : $u^k
<^i^&nd;peeping through fans at ihw
$$r<0&$&^M is frequently, prac^aed^b

highly:**© bei censured by every chaste
and pbus Christian. All these urohah-
lowed practices can, as they; ought,. be
very easily prevented. The: : mrin '. and
women should be compelled to sit on
different sides of the church: the women
should also be secreted from' public view-
by green blinds, ; as the girls are at the
Magdalen : they then would have nothing
to divert their attention from the cfevout
office in which they are engaged. They
should not also be permitted to go' out at
the same door with the men ; and if therfe
be but one door to the church, the wo5-
meh should pass out first, and 'the men
sometime after them. But at present,
there issseh crowding and squeezing after
service, particularly at evening service,
that it is impossible fbr the most watchful
JSfiStrols to prevent a young lady from re-
fceivwgv eft passant ', a billet-doum, or
g 3

S6
ehjbyifig- a lender squeeze. All this" thttfl
beseen and felt in the utiflteperfectiofr
in. the "chapel of the Magdalen Hospital
every Sunday evening.
Too little attention in genera! is paid
to -the sermon ; some even fall asleep, to
the great scandal of all pious people.—'
However long, tedious, dull, or unintel
ligible a sermon may be, there is no ex1-1
cuse to 'be framed for such scandalous
neglect and inattention to public devo
tion. This may very easily be prevented,
as there is hardly any church now/that
is not frequented by some military corps:
The drummers and trumpeters should be
ordered to. attend with their drums and
JrUmpets? and, on the priest giving the
Igighal, at the end of every long sentence
or full. stop, the drummers might give
a ruffle for a few seconds, or the. trumP

8 1
p^atgrsg^spund anu alarm : by these means^
the, congregation would be kept alert and
attentive to- the instructions of the clergy--
man. It would also give him time to
take breath, or take some refreshment out
of a bottle, which may be easily con
cealed in his white handkerchief: it would
recruit his spirits, and give him fresh
strength to continue his pious admoni-r
tions, which is a very fatiguing duty
when a man exerts himself with the
energy that his office requires.
Far is it from my intent to degran?
dize* any part of our clergy, as I ana

*' The Author is conscious that this word is npt
to fee found even 'in the Verbose Johrison; but'a£ M
feels himself fully as well entitled to fabricate vtordsr to
express his ideas as any of his predecessors, he has no
-*;- :.l\rMr i.-^xir ;?•:;;; ;>;)' ((jo;c tiU Ti
apology to make for any new phraseology which may
distinguish' t\\i£ 'work
G 4

83
of opinion they should all, &azotdmg±Q
their different stations, be enabled to keep
up a ss^cieot degree of figure and ap*
pearance suitable to their dignity) and
calling. For, although St. John's food
was. locusts and wild honey, and bis* rai
ment of camel's hair, that is,, the skin of
a -carnal, it would shock any. reflecting
man to see a bishop ranging the fields
for; his daily foodv .John, the Baptist
must have been quite, different from our
priests, whp, wiien they pray for their
daily bread, I am apt tp think, frequently
include something more than ,the. sexton1
tjfe&s of. 'c Yet if I can, > without.; lo we?*,
ing. the dignity or decreasing 5 the , re*
vmues.of thee.clergy, increase their in ¦>
imrafifcajod authority, and at -the, f§ame
timm alleviate Ahe burthens and sup*:
press, the (Complaints cf their parishioners^
by?ppiniing oi^t a nevvimodeof tribute^

the riihiPch?«rfe%)rocally advantageous to
bath parities. ; . I may t hope to receive the
blessing and thanks both of the clergy
and the laity.
The great tithes, both to the clergy
and others, are paid with no small degree
of reluctance. But the smaller, such as
pigs, poultry, eggs, and milk, are com
plained of bitterly and naturally, because
this tribute is collected from the lower
classes of the people. I therefore propose,
that, in lieu of pigs, poultry, eggs, and
milk, the clergyman in every ^parish be
permitted to take every tenth child, both
from the rich and the poor. 1 The rich
man, who can maintain his children, can
equally afford to pay a fine if he chooses
to retain- his children^ while the poor
man, who cannot afford, to maintain his
children, wilt be- happy in seeing them
G

pj^t t^hsuph • good uses- as; I shall shortly. -,
enumerate. The children in each parish^
naay-be^ classed and drawn for by lots, as;:
the horses are for the supplementary ea,-»L
vajry. 0 When they are quite young, the
clergyman must be permitted to let them
out by the week to beggar women, who
haunt the^streets or travel the country,
to excite the charity of the humane and
compassionate*. When they are got tOi be
six or seven years old, or .upwards, they?
roaj be let to farmers to keep sheep on &¦
common, or fetch the cows home, or t0>
go of errands and other useful purposes.
When the male children arrive at the
gg$ of fourteen, the clergyman ; may,tb.en
^itliem for fifteen pounds per head to the,
* The average price for children let out to beggar-
Tfrorrieh^ &' from half-a-crown lo'' three shillings per'

9^
recruiting 'sergeants: there : will be no ne>-
cecity: to give these boys any hand^mohey
fd# enlisting ; and as only three pounds is
stopped to provide -the recruit with ne
cessaries,^ there will be a clear profit1 of
twelve pounds to the clergyman, except
a crown bowl of punch to the sergeant ;
and the parson will have also no ob
jection, I dare say, to smoke his pipe and
partake of it. This will be an immerise
source of revenue to the clergy, and ad
vantage to the country at large ; for, ac
cording to the reports of our annual birth.
of male children, our army will -never
want recruits, and be kept complete.
! The clergy should also adopt sbme tri
bute in lieu of the small tithes ; as they
cannot but perceive that the profits de
rived from them are comparatively small,
and so very unpopular, that it is like, the

02
4eyil.shearing his hogs, where tberae>:is
l^or^ Qiitcry than wool. Thermite B3»y
b$ said to run on all-fours*, since tlm'G&g
brated Burke has represented the com*
mon people as a swinish multitude.
Considerable fault will be found with,
and many objections made to, my method
pf providing for the children of the poor;
and, I shall certainly be condemned, by all
the pipus old women, by all < the pro-*
moters of public Sunday- schools,:. «tehb|D
all the schoolmasters in. , Great -B$i|:akii.t
They will say, how shocking i$ wiJibje^aib
to have the ppor children taught to write
and read, without which they will be:
little better than heathens, and incapable
qfheing instructed in the Christian) faithl
But I say it is no such thing; and, what
i&^more, I will prove it. Readnsg only
enables them to study seditiossfand feast

93'
books? -anda "'knowledge' of" writing and
aeedtfntfiiaS brought many a mart to the
gaMp*^ Who otherwise would have lived
a useful member to the community.
When I was a boy, I remembtei' well, no
servant in my father's family could write
or read, except the butler and the house
keeper : and I am certain not one of the
swinish multitude in the parish ever knew
one single letter in- the alphabet: audit
will be allowed, I am certain, that the
churches Were as much frequented, and
the people as* religious in those days as
they are noW.B/ And' although there was
some Jacobitism,1 v there was no such
thing as Jacobinism, -or French principles,
to t be 'dreaded in the whole country.
Without being able fp read, they repeated
the prayers after -the clergyman and clerks
kaiek §0w>n7 stood up, turned round; and
bowedy^jUst -as well as they do howV

though, perhaps, they did ;nOt perfortfi
the latter ceremony of the bow with as
much grace as in this accomplished age,
in which every footman and servant-maid
learns to dance* To those who disap*
prove of my beneficial method of provid
ing for -the children of the poor, I will
reply,* that it is as dangerous to a state to
instruct, and enlighten by education,' the
swinish multitude, as it is dangerous to
a farmer to take the rings out of his pigai*
noses, and turn them into a field of pota
toes. Having thus plainly proved that my
system of providing for the children of
-the poor will not only be advantag^od^
to the clergy, but also of infinite service
to the body politic and .military ; strength
of the state, I am in hopes that the Legis
lature will take it into their most serious
2

5t»o&deratskn.l> And as the clergy ia|*dady
enjoy v anv handsome; part of the whole
;^BtS:of theiearth and labour of man, and
la ienth part also of the brute creation, 1
-cansec^ no reason why they should be de
barred from the tithing of 'the human
species, as a commutation for the smaller
tithes, when it will be attended with
rsuch beneficial advantages to " the natioii
at large.
-tjln addition to the foregbihg advan
tages, the clergy might draw some fur
ther profit, and the parishes be much re-
dievecL.:if there are any blind men in their
"-parishes^:, They are much sought after by
-beggar-women, and:are even preferred to
^children, and will let out at 'hire, by the
.-Week, at a moreadvanced priced as^ the fol-
-iowihgriscene wq.ll iprove, i which ^itss^d
'between: two ibeggar^ women very ^late^y

' 06
in Covent-garden. One was leading a blind
man, and the other with an innocent father
less habe in her arms : the former meet-*
Ing the latter, and being old acquaint
ances, and proficients in the mumping
trade, the following conversation took
place between them.
"Well, Molly, how do you .carry on
matters now-a-days ?" " Indeed, Susab,
I am very hard put to it to live, consider
ing the dearness of every thing, and that
I am obliged to pay half-a-crown a-week
foT the hire of this infant." " Half-a-
crown a-week for the hire of a child i£
very dear, indeed, Molly ; for I pay only
three-and-sixpence for my blind man>
and he is as good as an husband to me
into the bargain."
I am, for, my part, quite dismayed at

07
the learning of the common people ; for
there is not a tap-boy at a public house,
or a ticket porter, that does not every
evening read the debates in parliament,
and who cannot talk to yoU now about
the Bill of Rights, the fundamental" Prin
ciples of the Constitution, and Magna
Charta ; all which were formerly as in
different to them as the parts they sat
on, or, to use the language of Oliver
Cromwell, as Magna Farta. And as to
the women, if on a Sunday evening,
after church-time, you can insinuate your
self so much into the good graces of a
scullion- wench, or house-maid, as to pre
vail on her to take a cup of tea with
you, she will be sure to let you know
that she has read Pamela, Shakespeare,
and the Rights of Woman, and the Lord
knows what besides.
VOL. II. h

m
jThef^'is a distinguished character ifi
many country parishes, Whose peculiar
merits I had nearly forgotten to celebrate;
1 mean the oVergrown farmer, who rents
from a thousand to two thousand pounds
per annum. In some parishes these people
are known by the dignified name of King
Farmer. In this gentleman many digni
fied offices are concentrated, such as
church- warden, overseer Of the poor,
and tax-gatherer. In fine, he often per -
forms eveiy function in the parish, but
those of marrying, christening, and bury
ing. , This man is as generous as he is
opulent : from a command of money, he
is rnuch respected and beloved by the
little farmers, to whom he advances cash
to pay their harvest expenees; for which
generous' loan, they, in return, send their
corn1;" the moment it is thrashed,' to his
granaries, which is productive of many

S9
benefits to the community at large, and
especially to the poor. First pf all, it
saves the little farmer the trouble of send-
ing his grain to market, and enables the
¦king farmer, by having an irrjmense
quantity on hand, to regulate the price';
So that when it is too dear, he can, by
bringing in a vast quantity, glut and
overstock the market, and reduce the
price, that the poor may be served at a
cheap rate ; an object which always pre
dominates in his mind, as he has tpo mucb.
integrity, humanity, and patriotism, to
forestall and enhance the price of corn.
In many parishes the chief land-holders,
from their public occupations,, are com
pelled to reside in London, and frequently
; do^ not -.see i(their . estates for. many years
^together. ; Their, lands.. and .tenants are,
in such casesj generally left- tp thjp.protec-
h 2

100
tion of an attorney, who has the col
lecting of rents, letting of leases, holding
courts, and the friendly duty of settling
disputes, -which he never fails to do, be
tween the farmers. [When, the priest of
the parish/ the , attorney, and < the king
farmer act together, and cordially join
hand in hand ; especially when the parson
is admitted into the quorum, and acts as
justice of the peace, as many do ; then
that parish may justly consider itself to be
supremely blessed and happy ; for a tri-
union formed of perfect piety, strict justice,
and unabused wealth, must be productive
of the most sovereign advantages to the
inhabitants of any district who are so for^
tunate as to be protected and governed by
them. They will be shielded against im
piety,, litigious taw-suits,and extortionate:
prices for provisions^ Religion, peace, and
plenty, will prevail ; — immorality, 1 op- <

101
pression, and forestalling, ' Will be things
unknown to them ; and in this happy
parish there will be : nothing wanting
but a ducking-stool to keep the scolding
wo men in order: and then T their felicity
will stand unrivalled in the annals of time;
until the millenium shall make its appear
ance on the earth.
:i In* addition to that truly pious regu
lation, which I trust speedily will be en
forced, of not permitting any persons,
excepting professional medical men, to
walk the streets during divine service on
Sundays, I cannot refrain from paying a
due tribute of praise to the piety and
morality ' of' a Noble Lord, who lately
brought a bill into Parliament to prevent
the publication of Sunday newspapers.
Such1 art act of piety and virtue is ' rarely
to be found in -:tfie~youth- of this sinful'
II 3

102
age/ sp abounding with immorality and
Jacobinism.1* This singular act in favour
of true piety and devotion, and for the
more strict observance of the Sabbath,
will ever stand conspicuous in the annals
of history as a proof of superior virtue,
and must give joy to every moral and
reflecting mind ; though, to the disgrace
of our Legislature, the bill was not per^
mitted to pass into a law : for on that
day it must be acknowledged to be highly
indecorous to read any other book but
the j Scriptures.
I would also recommend to a certain
member of Parliament, so eminently dis
tinguished ior his vital zeal for the Chris-
tia^relfgion, to enforce a more strict ob
servance of the Sabbath, by bringing be
fore 4fie House of Commons another bill,
tojitiflict- severe punishment on any per-
3

103
son who shall be so profane as even to
hum- or whistle any tune, except a psalm
of hymn, r on the Sabbath-day : also ' for a
more strict observance relative to abstain
ing from labour on Sundays ; for it is
positively forbid by the fourth command
ment,, and in the most explicit terms,
Notwithstanding this positive ordi
nance, we see in various instances , the
Sabbath violated, and in the grossest
manner : but I am the more astonished,
when, even in the very churches them
selves, I see men on a Sunday ringing
bells ; for labour it is even to toll the
-bell; and extreme hard labour, and pro
fane to a degree, to ring a batch of treble
bobs for a leg of mutton and trimmings,
which, I am grieved to relate, is often
rdone /.on the >evenirtgs of the Sabbath.
But it may be said, that, as the tolling the
h 4

1;04
bell is for a pious purpose, to call the con^
gregation together, the sanctity of the ob
ject halloweth the act. This may be so ;
but as, in.fprmer times,, the Lord com
manded the priests on the Sabbath day to
blow the trumpets and horns to assemble
the people, I do not perceive any reason
why that religious old custom should not
be revived. Lppk to the tabernacle ; of
the pious Doctor Squintum ; there is no,
ringing of bells in that holy temple : the
lambs of grace, by instinct, know the time
that the shepherd calleth his dock toge
ther in that holy sheep-fold. Anxious as,
I am to assist in the correction of immo
rality and Jacobinism, towards wliich no-r
thing can more powerfully contribute
than the keeping the Sabbath in an exem>-
plary manner, and having some genius for
mechanism, I sat me down to. invent a
machine, in which a large c Newfound-

105
land or mastiff dog might toll a church-
bell, in a manner somewhat similar to
the wheel in Which the* turnspit dogs
turn the meat : but, to my mortification,
just as I had finished the model, which,
now being of no use, CI intend to request
the Royal Society to do me the honour to
accept, and was going to lay it before the
Bench of Bishops for their sanction and
approbation, I recollected that the dog
was included in the fourth command
ment, in the words, — -" and every thing
that is within thy gates."
Thus was I foiled in -my endeavours to*
promote piety: at the same time I am rea
dy to acknowledge my double disappoint
ment, as- I i also entertained the hope of
gaining- a large sum of money by my inge
nious invention ; as I imagined for certain
that every parish in" the three kingdoms"

io6
*
would have purchased one of these anti-
jacobin canambulatory wheels for their
chufches", that being the name I had given
to this ingenious piece of mechanism. A
bright thought, however, came suddenly
into my head, that if the parson of the pa
rish were to steal a dog and put him into
the wheel, it would not be a breach-of the
fourth commandment ; but I never recol
lected/ till a friend, who is connected
With a police-office, reminded me 'that
such a- contrivance would not only be a
breach of the eighth commandment, but
also of an English act of parliament, that
has some unlucky clauses in it about
hanging and transportation. So! all my
hopes vanished. ¦-'¦'¦-?>>.
riirmt f! .;-- ;;. ¦-..:. , ;
t Works of absolute necessity should
alone be performed on the Sabbath-day ;
*uch as -the defending ohe?s self against

,107
> , >
a,n enemy, &c. &c. ; for remember the
child that I gathered sticks on that day,
amongst the Israelites, yvas stoned to
death. Some most pious Christians, as I
have been informed, have had it in con
templation to, propose to parliament, that
a tax be leyied pn every housekeeper who,
on a Sunday, shall entertain any person at
his table.^T trust thispipus and laudable
endeavour to suppress immorality and Ja
cobinism is not extinguished, but only
lies dormant, from the pressure of State
affairs. Such a tax would strike more, at
the root of evil than any other ; for re
velling and feasting on the Sabbath-day
i& not only profane in itself, but leads, to i.
various other enormities. ^How cap a
country expect to flourish which turns
that day into gluttony, which ought to
he set apart for prayer ? On that day no
person should take any other aliment but

108
bread ; nor should any liquor stronger
than small beer be drank, under a most
beavy fine ; and in case of inability to pay
the penalty in the person fined, imprison
ment and hard labour in Bridewell should.
be instantly inflicted, at least for one:
month. Thus might the people be brought
to some sense of their duty to Religion,
and obedience to the State : but at pre
sent, in the manner they are permitted to
pass the Sabbath, especially in the metro
polis, there is no hopes of reformation;
for, after divine service is over, even those
who have the decency to attend it, go
home and feast on meat and strong li-q.
quors; and, not satisfied with this, in the
evening the more affluent resort to the ;
public tea-gardens, and the lower order
to the ale-house, where the remain
der of the day, which ought to be
passed in devotion, is spent in mirth ^

109
and conviviality. But, wicked as these
¦ ' - -* *
practices are, they are not the worst ; for,
gossiping, scandal-monging, and sweetr
hearting, prevail on that day more than
on any other in the week. These dar
ing and glaring offences I recommend,
with the zeal that becomes me, to the
attention and correction of the legis*
lature ; and I trust they will do what be
comes them.
A friend of mine, knowing how much
my mind was bent on endeavouring to
give every aid in my powrer to the
legislature in their endeavours to mend
the wicked ways of the world, favour
ed me with the perusal of a most va
luable book, which has been long out
of print. I have gained great infor
mation from it ; and am convinced if that
most pious prelate, to whom we are so

110
much indebted for his laudable endea
vours to banish those abominable opera-
dancers, whose dress and lascivious alti
tudes are so repugnant to real modesty,
would condescend to peruse, it, he might
draw many valuable hints' from it, wrhich
would greatly assist him in his laudable
exertions and endeavours. The title of
this valuable Work is as follows :

• YET PLAINER ENGLISH,
OR
THE SHORTEST WAY
WITH
TFHORES AND ROGUES,
AND OTHER SCANDALOUS LIVERS.
DEDICATED
TO THE REV. WILLIAM BISSET,
AUTHOR OF THE
REFORMATION SERMONS,
INTITLED
PLAIN ENGLISH
AND
MORE PLAIN ENGLISH.

LONDON:
Printed for John Marshall, at the Bible, in Grace-Church-Street,
MDCCV.

112
I shall here transcribe the author's de
dication of his book, and then select a few
useful hints from it, which I think well
worthy'of the attention both of the bishops
and the legislature. THE DEDICATION.
To the Pious and Learned Mr. Wil
liam Bisset, one of the Ministers of
St. Catherine's, by the Tower.
" Reverend Sir,
" The world is so much obliged to you
for your Reformation Sermons, called
Plain English, and Afore Plain Eng-
lishi that I thought you the fittest patron
for the third edition of this Book, in-
titled, Yet Plainer English.
" Reverend Sir, it must be confessed,
your stepping out of the common road
l

lis
In reproving of vice, has turned many from
the evil of their ways : yet, not to dero
gate from your matchless Sermons, I
must take the liberty to say, that some
of your directions, though plain enough,
are a little too general to affect the hearts
of some hundred sinners : I have, there
fore, discovered a short way to reform
the age, which, in this third edition, I
in title Yet Plainer English, as it was
never proposed in your Reformation Ser
mons ; but, were it put in practice, it
would make a heaven upon earth.
" I know, Reverend Sir, some will
think: me, as they did you, a little too
plain with the lords and ladies of sin
ful quality, that would approve of my
lashing the little sinners : But I am not
of this opinion ; for no man can be too
plain and bgj,d in exclaiming against1
VOL. II. I

114
adultery, theft, drunkenness, swearing,
&c. and such other and so great impie
ties, as I think, since it rained fire and
brimstone upon Sodom and Gomorrah,
there was never the like. If it be not
now time to be plain and short writh
whores and rogues, however dignified
and distinguished, it is time the world
were at an end.
" I confess that the physic I give is
extremely bitter ; but the age is danger
ously ill ; and the remedy, as I shew in
? the following sheets, must be something
violent to be effectual. — Plainly, Sir,' I
;fiere present to your patronage a new
'Scheme of Justice ; and, if it meets with
your approbation, I shall hopel our se
nators will smile upon it, and, f. in due
time, find out ways and means to have
it enacted: and; if this New Project fdr

115
Reformation should not meet with such
good success, yet I shall think my labour
was well bestowed if it puts Mr. Bisset,
or any other reformer, on speaking yet
plainer English, or taking a shorter way
with the scandalous livers than I have
here advanced.
I am,Reverend Sir,
Your great admirer,
and very humble servant,
The Author."
— And so am I this pious gentleman's
most humble servant and professed ad
mirer. And further, I recommend his
r'book to the particular attention of our
pious bishops and wise legislators, in
their laudable endeavours to reform this
sinful age ; for I am clearly of opinion,
that the people of the present day are in-
i 2

11(5
finitely more wicked than those of the*
year 1705, and that they require to have
yet plainer English spoken to them, and a
new scheme of justice instituted to correct
their vices ; and that a shorter way should
be taken wTith scandalous livers, and par
ticularly with the lords and ladies of sin
ful quality ; and that no man can be too
plain and bold in exclaiming against and
in correcting all immorality and Jacobin
ism of every sort, kind, quality, and co
lour. > A total new system of correction
must take place; our punishments, pe
nalties, and prisons are in general of little
avail : pur prisons are palaces, and places
of ease ; and that in Coldbath- fields, in
stead of a penitentiary-house, is an ele
gant retirement, an otium cum dignitatem
a real jus in urbe, or an urbs in rare?
whichever you please. No, no ; none of
these things will avail ; we must at last

117
adopt the plan of this pious gentleman,
laid down with such judgment in the
book I have just mentioned : from which
I shall select a few passages, beginning
with the Sabbath-breaker, the adul
terer, and the whoremaster ; for from
these three spring all the immorality and
Jacobinism of the present times.
The author of this pious book writes
as follows : " And in regard the sabbath-
breaker is the greatest criminal of this
kind, his doom shall be this : orie third:
part of his estate, whatever it is, should
be forfeited, to get the poor people some
clothes, that they may make theft ap
pearance at church. Then, as for himself,
he should be forced to build a seat ^at his
own1 charge, which should overlook the
rest of the church, and there should he
sit every Lord's day"' for a twelvemonth ;
I 3

US
and the reader should be sent home after
him to inquire how much of the sermon
he remembers ; and whether he can re
peat the doctrine, the method, and the
subdivisions. If he gives not a good ac
count, his confinement must continue.
Farther, should the sabbath-breaker be
ever so old, yet he should be obliged to
say the catechism in the church, before
a full congregation, once a month for one
year. Were this prescription of punish
ment but well looked after, England, I
am persuaded, would not expose herself
to the wrath of Heaven every Lord's day
as she does."
And I am also persuaded she would
not ; and the sooner we see these wise
and pious regulations inforced, the more
effectually shall we be able to strike at
the root of those vices that infest us.

119
He proceeds to speak in the following
manner, of fornicators, adulterers, and
whoremasters. — " I shall next shew the
shortest, being a new way to reform
them. In order to punish the whole
system of debauchery, I'll first begin with
the kind keeper of quality, let him be
Lord or Duke 'tis matter of indifference
with me, and the method I'd take with
him should at once discover and punish
him. A proclamation should be published
that every Miss that is kept by a Lord or
Duke, upon making the discovery, should
have three thousand pounds confiscated
for her own use, out of her keeper's
estate ; three thousand pounds should also
be confiscated, out pf his estate, to -the
poor of the parish where he has, his seat*
and four thousand pounds more to carry
on the war. Farther, .the person, thus
discovered, should be obliged to publish
I 4

120
an , advertisement of his own shame, at
his own charge, in the Gazette for a
month together : and should any person of
quality solicit any street-walker, or any
other,; upon good evidence of the facti
she should have one thousand pounds for
feited out of his estate, and he should be
divested of all his titles, and thrown out
of all capacity to servo in any office of
trust or profit in the three kingdoms. — Let
us now descend to the common sort of
mankind. The fornicator should be whipt
from Guildhall to Charing Cross ; a third
part of his estate should go to carry
on the war, a third part to the person
that makes the discovery, and a third part
to the poor of. the parish, and himself
sent? over seas into her majesty's service*
The adulterer should refund his wife's
fortune, have the marriage nullified, his
own personal estate should go to main-

121
tain poor men's sons at the university,
and he himself should enter into her ma
jesty's service. The gallant that is sur
prised with his Miss, should have his
estate confiscated to maintain the hospi
tals, and himself sent to Bridewell to
beat hemp two years, and afterwards go
into the army."
Now, in all these points I differ but
in a very small degree with this pious
man's instructions. The poor being much
better provided for in the present days, our
universities also being in the highest state
of affluence, and our hospitals supported on
a most liberal and extensive plan, I think
that the different sums of money which
he wishes to be appropriated to those
uses, should, with that part he already
directs, be appropriated to carry on the
war.

122
Mareover,u provided these laws were
welf'and duly enforced, they would bring
in an immense revenue : and .certain I
am, the income tax might very ./speedily
be repealed ; by which the burthens of
the people would be greatly relieved, and
the country enabled to carry on the war
at the expence of vice. It certainly is the
shortest way to deal with whores and
rogues ; . and by these means we should
speedily get rid of them all. Our, coffers
would be filled, and our armies recruited ;
and in time, these salutary measures
would be( the means of plucking up by
the.troots the immoralities that abound
among ns.
In addition to these pipus institutions,
let that moral law, which has been al
ready agitated,, immediately take place, for
no person whatever, excepting medical

12S
men, to walk the streets during the time
of divine service on the sabbath-day. i But^
as no person could then stir out, of hisir
house to fetch a medical man, in case of
sickness in the family, during the hours ,
of divine service on Sundays, I shall I
take the liberty of giving a few hints to *
the bishops and legislators, how all me
dical men should act on that day. They a
should be stationed as the watchmen, are,
and each have his separate walk, and keep i
moving, and going their rounds with dili
gence and attention. bin:

In case pf sickness it wTpuld be ne
cessary to have proper signals appointed
to attract their attention. For instance,
if a man was taken ill, a pair of breeches
might be hung out of the window on a
lortg pole ; if a woman, a petticoat; and
if she be taken in labour, a birch broom,

J 24
or a pair of ram's horns. sTflany lady
should require the obstetric aid of an ac
coucheur, and he should have turned
round the corner of the street, he may
be called back by beating on a frying-
pan with the poker; as that sonorous
music must attract his ear at a consi
derable distance.
In these times of universal alarm and
general arming throughout the nation, L
am astonished that administration ;have
been so backward in shewing their sper-T
sonalzeal in the defence of the country;
especially after the laudable examples
daily. before their eyes, of the most dis
tinguished characters, as well as private!:
gentlemen, gallantly stepping forward to
protect their- native land from invasion*.
* - In the - Bloomsbury association, Dennet the
banker is a 'Serjeant,- the Chancellor a corporal, a arid

125'
It must have grieved a heart of stone,
on the last review, in Hyde Park, of the
volunteers, on the nativity of our sove
reign, to have viewed so many respect
able men so bespattered and besmeared
from head to foot, without a single dry
thread on their bodies ; the Water abso
lutely running out at, their breeches knees i
- — and then their dear wives, and lovely
daughters, following the fate of the hus
band and parent; some returning home
with shoes, and some without shoes, from'
Bunhill-row to Ealing or Act on. Severer
service never was seen. What with wo
men fainting through fatigue, drums beat
ing, r. dogs barking, and children1 half-
drowned crying, a more lamentable scene
f he Duke of Bedford a. private j andallinthe same
company, Serjeant Dennet, corporal Loughborough,
private Bedford: — and the Duke of Montrose is a
private Jrpoper in Col. Herries's corps of cavalry.

126
never was exhibited to the sympathizing1
spectator. Before this day of universal distress, I
had lamented that I never had the ho
nour done me tb be called upon to enrol
myself in any of the Volunteer Corps in
London : — I therefore, that day, which
never can or will be forgotten, staid at
home; and, feeling, from experience,
what the gallant soldier suffers on a march,
from inclemency of weather, the melting
sight must have drawn many a tear from
my eyes. Administration would be badly
occupied, if obliged to attend to the drill
three or four times a-week, which they
must do to be tolerably perfect, and to
h&ndle well their arms : they are much
.better employed in handling the treasury
stores, and. guarding the State from ex
ternal and internal dangers. Yet t< they

•:s 12;
miglitfido-' sonlfethmg/' byway of encou
raging others. I therefore propose the
following plan of exercise for them,
which, with the most profound deference
and respect, I submit to their considera
tion, and wherein they might be perfect
ed in their leisure hours, and without de
taching them from that public duty they
owe to their country. This is no less than
to form themselves into a military musical
band. -'Mr.'P  1, from his well-known abi
lities,^ might soon be taught to play well
on the violin : — the first fiddle and leader
of the band is best suited to his capacity.
The D — ke of P  d will graciously
condescend to play the r* second fiddle.
There is no doubt but f that Mr. D— — -ais
is already perfect master of the highland
bagpipes. To Mr. W  m, as secretary
2

128
Of War, I would assign the drum, ahd
Mr. Canning may be taught the fife*
Lord Gr  le has an excellent embou
chure for the French-horn ; the Marquis
of B-  -ham has bellows enough to play
the bassoon ; George R — se should sound
the bugle-horrt, knowing already the dif
ferent calls for service by instinct : when
perfect, on that instrument, he will be of
great use to the band, by sounding the as-
semblee, not only to this small, though
formidable military corps, but to their
followers. The advance, the retreat, the
halt, disperse, and skirmish, blow them
in together; but never blow that fatal
sound out : indeed his lips are not
well formed to produce that tone ; nor
would the corps, however perfect in their
discipline, understand or obey any such
notice. An ode might also be composed
by the Poet Laureat, or Peter Pindar, en-
3

12Q
titled the Vital Christian, which might be
performed ort Christmas-day and Good
Friday. Mr. W — b —  ce might also
accompany the band, on particular fes
tivals, r.n that solemn instrument, so
much revered in ancient rimes, the
sackbut ; while Sir R  d H— 11
might beat time with the Bible in one
hand, and Joe Miller's Jests in the
other. ;,Y'. V
When the theatre is ready, and the
performers all in their places, Lord
L— — p — ¦ — 1 may draw up the curtain,
and his son, between the acts, be permit
ted to snuff the Candles and sweep the
stage: The whole might conclude with
a grand naval firework, and display of
the celebrated battle of the Nile, super
intended by Earl Spencer, he being mbst
justly entitled to the merits of that de-
vol. ir, K.

130
partment. If the audience should cati for
a dance, the Ch  r, Mr. D — das,
and Lord Liverpool, might appear in a
Scotch reel ; and if the audience should
insist on a song, these three distinguished
performers may sing, if they have not
forgotten it, " Over the water to Charley,"
The inferior performers may be taught
the Jew's harp, salt-box, and hurdy-gurdy.
A treasury ode may also be set to music,
and played by Mr. Pybus on the flute-
broomstick. I am astonished that this heaven-born
administration have not introduced flogging
into this country, it having been found of
such infinite benefit in Ireland, in making
people speak out and tell the truth. For
my part, I think if the minority were to
be soundly flogged, it would do them a
great deal of good : I will be bounds

131
although they have abused tbe war from
the very beginning to the present moment,
that every one of them, before they had
received five hundred lashes, would be
brought to tell the truth, and confess that
it was both just, and holy, and necessary.,
As for Charles Fox, as long as he con
tinued in retirement, I would not have
him punished ; but if he dared again to
interfere with the affairs of state, and
interrupt the endeavours of the present
administration, who, under preternatural
auspices from above, have brought this
country to such a state of affluence, gran
deur, and plenty, I would have no mercy
on him. Sheridan has a constitution that
will bear any thing ; while Grey, Tierney,
and Burdett, are young enough to take softie :
hundreds each : but above all others I would
punish that impudent fellow, Courteney,
with the utmost severity, for daring t©
k 2

132
make a joke of every thing that falls from
a treasury bench ; and for his wicked
presumption in ridiculing the pious and
laudable endeavours of the Afridoulan-
thropic vital Christian.

13S

CHAPTER II.
Continuation of Advice to the Lovely
Cyprians.
Y e lovely Cyprians, never hire a young
fly-catching foot-boy, or a diminutive de
formed footman ; but keep a stout, sturdy
young fellow, about five feet ten inches
high, two feet six over the shoulders, &c.
Such a servant behind your carriage, or
walking after you, has a noble and ele
gant appearance, commands respect, and
will protect you from the impertinent
vulgar. The modest women all have very tall,
handsome footmen ; a diminutive little
wretch would considerably diminish the
dignity and pomp both of their rank and
& 3

134
equipages. Then how pleasing to their
vanity, when some female friend in the
evening says to them, " My dear Lady
Kitty, how divinely beautiful you looked
this morning, in your new state-chair,
going to Court ! — what handsome liveries,
and what four charming tall footmen !
— with what grace they tripped before
your chair ! — I vow I was enraptured with
the whole. — When I am married, I shall
take your equipages and servants for my
model." Some very censorious men,
and a few disappointed old maids, have
wished to make the world believe that
there are many noblemen indebted for
their birth to footmen, as well as that
there are footmen indebted to noblemen
for theirs. But I am sure no liberal mind
can for one moment harbour such a
suspicion. As for you, ye beautiful Cy
prians, I -am certain you have too much

135
pride to condescend to such degrading
familiarity. But if you are very scrupulous and te
nacious of your character in this' respect,
I recommend you to hire a stout, well-
looking black servant. Then your repu-
i
tation and virtue can never suffer from
the most censorious and antiquated
prudes ; for, what woman can be sus
pected of submitting to the smallest fa
miliarity from a nasty black creature ?
No good servant, surely, will ever refuse
to exert his fullest powers to please a
kind and liberal mistress : therefore your
footman's attention may be of consider
able use to you, in the absence of your
friend, or when the Captain, or your
flash-man, is following his occupation,
scamping on his prancer upon the high-
K 4

130
toher, or at some country fair ¦ mulki/ig
theflatts of the quid: prigging a read-?
er, or dorsing a darkey upon the queer
roost with some other rum blowen, who
is kind enough to dabble Ids lully in the
morning whilst he lies in bed, that he
may appear before you in the evening
clean and neat.
For the interpretation of the above
elegant phrases, I refer you to a book in-
titled "The London Sharper;" contain
ing a dialogue of that most useful and
elegant accomplishment, the slang lan
guage. I recommend it particularly to
your perusal for the purity and elegance
of its style, and grammatical accuracy, for
which it has been so justly praised by al|
the Reviewers.
It will not only afford you infinity

137
amusement and instruction, but will guard
you against various impositions practised
daily on the unwary, and make you
acquainted with those necessary profes
sional accomplishments, such as coming
the fawney, lully-prigging, the dobbing
cant, the running nimbler, sky-lark
ing, blue pigeon-flying, making a stall
for a reader, or a screen, or a rum
squeeze at the spell, the runny snarel,
how to slang your mawley, to scamp,
prig!, floor, doo, hobble, frisk, mount,
lumber, and fence ; how to mount by a
Jacob and force a kenn ; to be careful
of theyoung dabbs, and the Queen Eli
zabeth ; it will teach you, when any rich
man is dorsing a darkey with you upon
the queer, roost, how to frisk his group
ers for his reader and screens ; together
with various other necessary and amiable
accomplishments. I would- with plea-

138
sure have translated the above phrases
and expressions ; but I am certain I
should draw on me the obloquy of all
the philosophers and literati, as well as
doing an infinite detriment to a brother
author; it being the duty of every man of
taste and literature to endeavour to pro
mote the sale of so valuable and much to
he admired work. You, ye beauteous fair
ones, so distinguished as you ever are for pa
tronizing the arts and sciences, and endea
vouring to carry them to the very height •
of perfection ; as that valuable book costs
only sixpence, will, I am certain, contri
bute to the works of a writer so pregnant
with instruction and sentiment.
Of all connections and intrigues, that
with a flash- man is the worst : for, when
you are tired of the fellow, it is very difi ,
ficult to get rid of him ; and some wo-

rap
men,'' who want resolution, often conti
nue to support this fellow in idleness,
who, 'if he were industrious, might earn
a very Competent livelihood on the high-
Way, or in some ingenious art or science
in this town, of which these gentlemen,
are in general so perfectly masters. Be
sides, indolence is the bane and destruc
tion of all trade. This fellow, instead of!
perpetually draining your purse, if indus
trious, would prove a very useful mem
ber of society, and of considerable benefit
to our trade and manufactures ; for all,
philosophers and statesmen have acknow-: ,'.
ledged, that private vices are public bene
fits, and that no nation can be rich and
powerful that is truly virtuous ; and that
not only highwaymen, but even house
breakers, are encouragers of industry, and.
contribute materially to the support of
many honest tradesmen and/- artificers ;

140
for the highwayman, who takes from the
rich traveller, spends his guinea at night
in a tavern with as much freedom as a
duke, which goes ultimately to the bene
fit of tbe vintner, brewer, butcher, &c.
and generally contributes largely to the
support of some favourite fait one, who
must not only have the necessaries of life,
but be supplied with gowns, caps, linen,
stockings, shoes, and many other articles
of our manufactures : thus, by this gen
tleman's exertions, a great advantage is
derived by the mercer, linen-draper, shoe
maker, hosier, &c. Were all the world
honest, and no housebreakers or high
waymen, half the blacksmiths and lock
smiths, who form a very numerous and
opulent part of our artificers, would be
ruined; for we should have no use for
iron-bars and bolts to secure our houses,
«?r locks and keys to secure our money

14,1
and property. I well knew that women
even of your refined: taste and exquisite
judgment often hod charms and accom
plishments in theot gentlemen, as men
of elegance sometimes acknowledge the
beauty, and reverence the charms, of a cin
der-wench or a beggar-girl ; for beauty,
from a true amateur, receives equal ho
mage, whether it be fourid in a drawing-
room or a dust-cart, in a duchess or a
demirep. I shall now, therefore, endeavour to in
struct you how to get rid of such trouble
some intruders, as these flash gentlemen
generally are. During the time of the late
commander in chief, some of your friends
might have had interest enough to have
procured him a commission in the army ;
for, as his unbounded and Undistinguish-
ing philanthropy was extended to coach-

142
painters, glaziers, waiters, and persons of
the meanest occupations, I hope it would
not have been denied to one of your fa
vourite protectors ; and though he might
not possess the brilliant military talents
which have so eminently distinguished
those officers, and justified that chaste
and honourable choice of their kind and
distinguished patron, yet he surely would
be more able to perform his military duty
than old maiden-ladies * and children at
schbol. The scrupulous attention our present-
commander in chief has paid to the cha- -
racters and conduct of officers of the-
army, and to the pay and clothing of the3
men, is absurd to a degree : and how such
-* Soon aftervthe beginning of this war, two old •„-
maiden-ladies received the pay of subalterns in the
tu /.:,t.. ,V-~ ' '- . " ' -¦ ; -'. " ' "o ¦¦
armv lor a considerable time.

> 143
a conduct can have gained him that aU
tachment which the army shews him, is
astonishing to me. No moral or reflect
ing -man. can commend him, for he has
even been so cruel as to publish the names
in the Gazette of helpless lovely babes
and superseded children at school who
bore commissions ; and has even taken
the bread out of the poor innocents'
mouths. Then that attention paid both to the
quality and quantity of the clothing deli
vered to the soldier, has been the means,
most unjustly, of depriving officers com-.
manding regiments of drawing for more
clothing than there are soldiers in their
regiment : this has so depreciated the value
of many corps, that, comparatively with
the former establishment, they are hardly
worth the acceptance of any man of
1

144
fashion and fortune, and most particularly"
in the militia, who are for the most part
commanded by noblemen and gentlemen
of the first property and consequence in the
land. Again, the commander in chief is
highly to be censured for so rigidly en
forcing the delivery of the Clothing an
nually to every soldier, which, in some
corps, I have been informed, was only
distributed every other year. This has
tended to make the army unfit for active
service; for the commanding officers
judged very properly, that the worse
the men were clothed, the more hardy
they would be, and of course more fit to
bear the fatigues of a campaign. Then,
his having positively enforced that every
soldier's- coat should be lined, which, in
some militia corps, has been formerly o-
mitted, in order to inure the soldier to cold,
and make him more fit for service, has
2

145
made the soldier so tender that he will
Only be of use a few sun-shining days in
the beginning of the campaign, and will
soon be in the hospital. In short, these
complications of errors are so conspicu
ous, that I wonder how any set of men
, can approve of them.
As it is totally impossible, I give
you my honour of it, while the present
commander in chief continues in office,
for you to provide for this gentleman in
the army, I recommend you to give
your favourite, discarded swain, sufficient
to purchase an horse, a pair of pistols,
and boots ; in short, to fit him out
complete for his occupation, and charge
him never to see your face , again. If
he dares intrude on you after this mark
of your kindness and regard, the best
method I can recommend to you is
vol. n. i>

140
to apply, to the impress-service, when, by
a tew condescending familiarities with the
gang, . and permitting the captain, when
he comes to London, now and then to
visit you, you may secure a very warm
birth for this impudent intruder, either in
-Africa or St. Domingo; from whence, it
is an hundred to one, he never will re-
turn.-p ,
Thus^I have given you, to the best of
my abihties, a description of flash-men
and. footmen — how to get rid of the one,
and how to make choice of the other, -r
bu;t without the smallest intent of low
ering the former in your esteem and
friendship, or of depreciating the value
and respect due to the latter. Flash-men.
are very useful, to you, and the passion
for themjjs both natural and innocent ;.
and as I, have instructed you how to get
i

147
rid of them, or provide for them when
they are no longer engaging, you will
henceforward have the pleasure of en
joying their company with much greater
satisfaction. From an early attention in life to the
Scriptures, I have ever held it sinful to
be rich : For it is' -written in the Testa
ment, that it is as impossible for a rich
man to enter into the kingdom of Heaven,
as it is for a camel to pass through the"
eye of a needle. The rich are not the
happiest mortals on this earth; and as
riches tend to ensure misery in the world
to come, I am astonished, therefore, that
people in general should io ardently seek
after them, and labour so incessantly in'
the pursuit of them. Considering ^hap
piness in the world to come to be in
finitely preferable to the uncertain pi est -
l 2

148
sures of this'? life, 1 have ever banished
riches from my doors,- and despised them
as they deserve. The word camel, in the
above Scripture phrase, I must inform
you, as it gives me infinite pleasure to
instruct you in all things, by very learned
commentators is supposed to be errone
ously translated, and that the real word
ought to be cable: but whether it be
camel or cable, both are impracticable ;
arid the impossibility of either being ac
complished, seems to threaten all rich
persons ' with misery in the world to
come. As I have, perchance, dropped into a re
ligious subject, I shall go a little further :
I: shall not j trouble you much on that
score; as it -must be a matter of total
indifference to you to know whether
Martin Luther,, when he died, as the Ro-

14Q
man Catholics assert, was drunk, -and
taken away by the Devil in a whirlwind* ;
whether , Mahomet went to Paradise, as
it is said, on a Jack Ass ; or whether the
Popes take their flight there on broom
sticks. These things do not concern you.
As for tlie present Pope, I sincerely
wish him a happy and pleasant journey
through the air on a broom-stick, or
astride any thing else that he may choose
to , be mounted on; for, although the
Papal power has certainly been gone to
the Devil for some time past, I by no
means wish his Holiness to follow it.
Ye lovely Cyprians, let me instruct you
never to swear : it is not only sinful, > but
extremely vulgar. It is bad enough in a
man, but in a woman it is shocking and
l 3
'-'* A Cacadasmone sublatum fuis's'e*

150
disgusting. !-' Therefore, when you wish
to assert any thing with energy, on a
Sunday you may say, May I never go to
Heaven if such a thing be not true ! On
week days, «. you may use ; the follow
ing expression : May I never enter a
pair of sheets again ! On trivial occa
sions, you may swear by your chastity ;
for which ^expression you cannot- be ri
diculed by the generality of modest -wo
men,' as long as you live with one man,
and intrigue only writh half a dozen more.''
I wish I could with propriety recom
mend modesty to you : but modesty is
by no means suitable to your characters ;
nor will it satisfy your wants, any more
than a fat sheep would "appease the hun
ger of a starving cow : moreover, I assure
:--./0' /-:¦ . .00 . ;' , . . - . -. r .
you that it is quite out or fashion, and
totally exploded in the higher circles : for

151
the blushing goddess has spread her wings, ,
and taken her flight from their doors as,
well as from yours. Indeed there would
be no harm or sin in swearing by ,Pha-
roah's Foot, by Aaron's Rod, by. Moses's
Beard, by Sampson's Nose, or Balaam's
Ass ; or you may cheat the Devil of a«
oath, as the Americans do, and say, Tar
nation seize me, or swamp me, if I don't
do this or that ! But they are all vulgar ex
pressions; therefore, attend, if you please,
to the three forms I have recommended,
to you, as they are religious, affectionate,
and chaste. ,--..»
Economy in your house-keeping is ab
solutely necessary. Above all things, you
should diligently attend to the method in
which your servants are fed : if you do
not, they will soon eat you out of bouse
and home. Never permit them to take
L 4

152
cold, meat, either at breakfast, luncheon,
or dinner; for it is universally acknow
ledged, that one pound of hot meat will
go, nearly as far in a family as two
pounds of cold, and particularly in sum
mer. I know this myself from expe
rience, that in the hot weather I can eat
heartily of cold meat, when I cannot
bring myself to taste hot ; besides, three
hot meals a-day will give your house
keeping the appearance of grandeur and
liberality, and your purse will reap a
considerable benefit. The cold victuals
should be hashed up both at breakfast
and luncheon in the frying-pan, with a
plentiful quantity of suet and dripping, to
make them , relish it well. I will be
bound they will not consume half as
much,, meat, in a day> as they other
wise, would; and if they should, out of
spite to you, eat, heartily of these savoury

153
hashes,1' it will make them so sick that
they1 will not be able to relish any meat
whatever for two days at least, by which
you will be a considerable gainer. Ypu
should also provide each of your servants
with a pair of large spectacles, of the
first magnifying quality, and never per
mit them to sit down to any meal With
out wearing them ; for they are as ne
cessary, and as useful in your kitchen,1' as
the pots, kettles, and spits. ' Glasses of
such magnifying powers will make a.
lark appear as big as a fowl, a fowl
as ^big as a full-grown cock turkey,
ducks and geese as big as bustards and
swans,' a leg of mutton as large as a
hind quarter of beef, turnips and potatoes
pf the size of melons and pumpkins, and a
twopenny loaf as large as a quartern.
And' as philosophers assure us that pain,
even • is only- imaginary, we may justly

154
believe the same of hunger. Thus, if a ser
vant, who eats no more than one pound of
food, imagines, by the aid of these glasses,
that he has eat three pounds, his hunger
will be as fully satisfied, and he will rise
fjfem his meal contented; while you will
have much less to pay your butcher,
baker, and green grocer.
*i I do not think it would be amiss if you
were to tell your servants, although you
do not wish the world to know it, that
yon-are of the Roman Catholic faith, and
that, on account of your religion, you
cannot permit any meat to come into your 1
house on Fridays, Saturdays, and other 1
fast days. Surely it will be no hardship
for you to dine one day in the week on
fisli. Do but this, and display now and
theris a 'handsome cross on your breast,
and have a stand made in that shape for

155
your parrot to perch on, they will iixir
pliGitly believe you, and you will save
two days meat in seven. Then consider
what a wonderful deal of money you
will save in Lent. Although I vow that
I. am a great advocate for all forms and
ceremonies in religion, yet I would not
have you think I am so rigidly scrupu-;
lous, absurd, and bigoted, as to imagine,
that if a Catholic should take a fancy for
half an ounce of meat on a Friday, or
even eat a Welch rabbit in Lent, or that
a~ Jew should partake of a ' pig's tail
fried, wliich is a very delicate morsel,
that either of them would be excluded,
from future happiness.
You may, I think, with propriety, estar
blish one banyan day in the week in
your family ; and if the servants complain,
teihithem they are a set of impertinent.

150
fellows and impudent husseys ; that the
sailors, who are fighting for their country,
and risking the dangers both of battle
and shipwreck, have always one banyan
day in the week, and are perfectly sa
tisfied, Although I have taken the greatest
pains to instruct you how to conduct
yourselves through life, as long as you
continue votaries at the shrine of the god
dess Cytherea, yet I should be wanting
in attention to your future comfort,,, if
I did not in some measure endeavour tp,
instruct those of your cast who may be
desirous of entering into the holy bands
of matrimony, how to conduct themselves
after they become wives. Your situation
will be totally altered, for, in a Cyprian
state, you are yourselves alone amenable
to the laws of your country for bad con-,

15?
dtltt and misdemeanor : but, w hen mar
ried, the husband becomes responsible for
the misbehaviour of his wife; therefore
the law very justly gives him a power to
correct her -with calmness and modera-
tion. But lest, from a brutal ferocity of
passion, some men might coerce their
wives with too much violence, a learned
Judge, now no more, thought fit, in his
wisdom, to make known the law rela
tive to the size of the instrument with
' , -^"f'i'i
which a woman may be coerced, ahd so
lemnly declared that it should not be
larger than a man's thumb.
Although the learned Judge, was not
sanctioned in his opinion relative to the size
of the instrument of coercion, yet the very
first Law opinion in the country supports
the legality of the punishment; I mean
the celebrated Blackstone. I shall give

158
you a passage out of his Commentaries^
which I; hope will operate o as a gentle
hint to you, as it plainly shews you what
power the laws of your country gives1
the husband over his wrife, in cases of
disobedience and misconduct. i
Thus the learned Judge Blackstone
writes in his Commentaries, vol. i.
p. 444. "The husband also, by the old
law, might give his wife moderate cor
rection ; for, as he is to answer for her
misbehaviour, the law thought it reason
able to entrust him with this power of
restraining her by domestic chastisement, :
in the same moderation that a man is al
lowed to correct his apprentices or chil-i
dren, „ for , whom the master or parent
is.also liable, in some cases, to answer :
but this power, pf ..-correction was confin-r
ed within, reasonable, bounds, and- the

159
husband was prohibited from using any
violence to his wife, aliter quam ad ve-
runi ex causa regiminis et castigationis
nxoris suae licite et rationabilifer pertiriet.
The civil law gave the husband the same,
or a larger, authority over his wife ; al
lowing him, for some misdemeanors, fla-
gellis etfustibus acriter verberare uxo-
rem; for others, only modicam castiga-
tionem adhibere."
j
As, from a defect of your education,
you do not, ye lovely Fair, understand
Latin, it is necessary you should be made
acquainted with this point in law, as it -
materially concerns you. The sentence
of '" flagellis et fustibus acriter verberare,"
when the true sense of the words are
taken, implies, that in some cases, where
the crime the wife is guilty of exceeds a -
common misdemeanor, such as makinghirft

l6o
a cuckold, spitting in his face, or breaking
his head with a chamber-pot, (the latter
of which, when fast asleep in bed, a
friend of mine suffered from a most
lovely and affectionate wife,) in such
cases the law permits him to give her a
sound horse- whipping, or to knock her
down with his fist, and give her two
black eyes and a bloody nose.
Take care, therefore, how you behave
when you are permitted to partake of the
blessings and sweets, of holy matrimony,
and remember I have given you an early
warning. I must for myself candidly
confess, that this law is particularly con
stituted to promote ihe mutual peace and
happiness of the marriage state; as, from
experience, I can testify, that in some fa-
milies there would be no existing without
it, so wonderful are its magic powers in

i6i
t
preserving peace and harmony between a
fond wedded couple; Sometimes, everi
when the law is reversed; it has its salu
tary effects, as there should be good order
preserved either by one party or the other.
I confess it often gives me great satisfaction
to reflect, that, whilst I carry in my
hand an oaken shillelahj I am sanctioned
by law in the use of it : for if the law-
permits a man to beat a tender delicate
woman with a stick as big as his thumb i
surely no law will punish me for beating
a great, clumsey; overgrown, insolent ras
cal with a stout cudgeL In this there
is a double propriety ; and in using
it I have Over considered myself as acting
strictly according to the letter of the law*
and sanctioned by the legislature : for thei
same reasons, I hold it lawful to borse-
whip any person who has grossly insulted
VOL. 11; m

162
me, arid refuses to give satisfaction ; but
as whaleing a gentleman from head to
foot is but, at the best, a coarse and vul
gar revenge, I think, to do the thing po
litely, it would be fully sufficient to ride
up to him, crack your whip at him, and
cry — Ware horse ! you son of a  .
The insult is just as great, and the labour
less. It is the duty of every man of honour
to protect the fair sex, and even to risk
his life in defence of their honour, happi
ness, and welfare. Every brave man will
protect them from insult and injury, and
will find a recompence, devoutly to
be wished for, in their affections and con
fidence ; while he who tamely permits
the Wrongs they suffer to go Unrevertged,
will meet With his deserts— the hatred

163
and contempt of the loveliest part of hu
man nature, for
None but the brave deserve the fair.
I must, however, confess, that you have
no right to embroil us in your private
quarrels one with another, though of
this you are too often guilty. All private
quarrels between woman and woman, I
am of opinion, should be settled by you
without our interference j and if things
have gone to so great a length that they
cannot be settled and accommodated both
With honour and satisfaction to each party/
I can see no reason why you should not
decide the qUarrel by sword and pistol,
in the same manner as men do. A few
duels would be of infinite service to the
fair sex in general. It would prev ent; in
a considerable degree, your slandering and
m 2

164
traducing each other's characters so grpssr
ly as you now are accustomed ,, with im
punity to do. In all cases of love, when
the green-eyed monster jealousy pervades
your heart, you might call the rival ene
my to the field, and, in single combat,
openly and boldly seek revenge ; a con
duct by far more noble than having re
course to those base and underhanded
means you now are so wont to take to
be revenged x>f your rival or the object of
your hatred. It would also, in a great
degree, preserve your chastity ; for many
of you have spared no pains to draw off
the affections of a man from the woman
devoted to your hatred; and have, even
gone so far as to make a sacrifice of your
persons to him, without the smallest af
fection, but for the sole motive of grati
fying your revenge, by distracting and
breaking the heart of the female you hate>
3

165
whose happiness was fixed on him. It
would also prevent, in a very consider
able degree, all cheating at cards, which,
I am sorry to say, is too prevalent even
in the highest female circles ; for if Lady
Kitty should observe Lady Jenny cheat
ing, she might kick her down stairs, and
not let the company be disturbed any
further with their broils and wrangling,
but settle the affair the next morning in
Hyde Park.
Many of you are also very quarrelsome
in your cups, when bottles and glasses fly
about as thick as grape-shot in an action,
by which your lovely features are some
times wounded and disfigured. Sword
and pistol would materially correct these
enormities, and many others which at
present are tob' tedious to relate.
M 3

166
What gallant actions the newspapers
Would frequently announce ! as, for in
stance, " Yesterday Mrs. C  and Mrs.
:D  , two lovely high-spirited Cyprians
of the first class, had eacha desperate ren
contre in :Hyde Park : they received 'eight
shots a-piece, but neither of them would
give in : the Bow-street officers interfer-
ed, and took them before Mr. Justice
Bond; but no one appearing for their
characters, and offering to bail them, but
George Hanger, whose recognisance the
magistrate would not accept, at the same
time warning him to be careful of his
own conduct, they were committed to
-the house of correction, and sentenced to
mill doll-*. The Duke of  and Lord
appearing in their behalf next day,
* For mill doll, vide the Dictionary of the Slang
Language.

167
they were liberated, on finding security
for their future good behaviour."

Such paragraphs as the following would
also enliven the dukiess of newspapers : —
" We are happy to inform the public,
that the dispute between Mrs.  and
the Countess of  , which originated
at a division of the spoils of a Faro
Bank, has been arranged, to the mutual
satisfaction of both parties, by the inter
ference of their friends. Mrs.  made
use of such gross reflections, that the
Countess could no longer retain her anger,
but pulled Mrs.  's wig off, and threw
it behind the fire. The Countess has
bought her a new jasey, and asked her
pardon, The Countess's coachman very
kindly lent Mrs.  his wig to go home
with. that night, to prevent her catching
cold." M 4

168
<' It is with the greatest pleasure we
announce to the numerous friends of Lady
Dorothy Brown, that her Ladyship is de
clared out of danger from the thrust she
received in the lower part of her stomach,"
" We are happy in being informed, that
the Countess of Bellebriggin is hourly re
covering from the wounds she received
in the last duel : her Ladyship has had
seventeen different rencontres this winter.
The wound has been diligently probed,
but the balls have not yet been found,
and the surgeons are of opinion that they
did not enter.'''
Much good, I am convinced, would
be derived from women having recourse
in their private quarrels to sword and
pistol; and I trust the fair sex will
take, it into their consideration, and
adopt it.

iCg
« Yesterday Lady Kitty, and the Countess
of'„  , met in Hyde Park, the for
mer attended by Gen. Tarleton, the lat
ter by Col. Hanger : at the first discharge,
the Countess fainted, and fell into the
Colonel's arms. The Generalimagiriihg
the Countess to be killed, persuaded Lady
Kitty instantly to make her escape. On
the General's attending the Couiitess, and
her friend the Colonel assuring him she
wasJmxfc wounded, the General then call
ed for water, and applied a bottle of salts
to her nose ; but George Hanger, laughing
at the General, said, " He would be shot if
he had not something better in his pocket,
that") Would br}ng her to immediately!"
Knowing the weakness of the Gountess's
rfearves7-1 he very prudently had provided
Hfeelfcwith a dram bottle, giving! the
@aguai.tes5:a sip or two,; not of gin, which
shortly recpveredher, and she gallantly call-

i;o
ed for her second pistol. Lady Kittyhaving
fled, prevented this affair from going
greater lengths : it has since been ar
ranged by the seconds, to the mutual
hpnour of both parties. This unfortunate
affair originated from Lady Kitty saying
publicly, that if the Countess had called
her an infamous scoundrel, she (the
Countess) was an infamous rascal. Lady
Kitty very properly apologized, and de
clared, that if the Countess did not intend
to call her a scoundrel, she, Lady Kitty,
did not intend to call the Countess
a rascal. George Hanger was decidedly
of opinion that they should be brought
into the field again, and swore most man
fully that he did not understand such
logical apologies ; but neither party being
very desirous of meeting again, the affair
was terminated." ,

171
" A very serious quarrel took place yes
terday, at a private tea-drinking party,
between Lady A  and Lady B  .
Lady A  told Lady B  , that her
-husband was a cuckold and a nincompoop.
Lady B  did not seem to take the
former abuse much in dudgeon, but she
lost all temper on the supposition of the
latter, and vowed most solemnly that
whatever her husband might be, he was
no nincompoop ; that it was insulting
her delicacy and feeling in the highest
degree, to let loose such a suggestion.
From words they came to blows ; in the
contest, Lady B  struck Lady A 
with'the heel of her shoe, and broke the
bridge of her nose. Lady B  has
since -presented Lady A  with a cane,
which Lady A  laid gently over her
shoulder, which was judged a sufficient
atonement for the injury her Ladyship
l

172

received on the projecting feature of the

visage.

Ye lovely Cyprians, as you are eminently
distinguished for your attachment to sol
diers, any thing which will be instrumental
to the advantage of the army, and to the
honour and glory of our country, will,
I flatter myself, meet with your patron-
age, and approbation. Many people are
of opinion, that there are as many shades
of courage as of beauty ; but I differ
wTidely from them. All Britons are na
turally brave, and I presume equally
conspicuous fcr courage ; nor do I believe
that one single shy cock is to be found in
the three kingdoms, -.Indeed, some few;
officers have been found in a ditch in
action : but no suspicion of cowardice can
be attached to such conduct ; they were
only .wiser than the generality of their

173
comrades, for discretion is allowed to
be the better part of valour. Indeed,
though a man from his infancy be of a
nervous habit of body, the moment he
puts on a red coat, his whole frame is in
vigorated, and his heart steeled against the
greatest dangers. This infallible nostrum
for relaxed nerves, acts as effectually on
the heart as a strengthening plaster to a
relaxed limb, and is as efficacious to the
human frame as firing and blistering to
a horse ; it braces, makes firm, and brings
the nerves and heart to their natural vi
gour asfod tone. A glass or two of grog
taken after a fatiguing march from Ealing
to Ateton, is as infallible a military nos
trum to establish true courage, as Dr.
Brodum's Balsam, and Dr. Godbold's
Botanical Syrup, for the cure of asthmas,
ands '^consumptions. But the . common
soldier is so stupid and wrong head
ed, that he cannot be brought to believe

174
the truth of this, though, to a man of
common sense, it is as intelligible as the
Popish creed. Nor can he be brought to
place the same degree of confidence, when
led to action, in a commanding officer
who has not been exposed to danger, as
in one who has seen active service.
As there are many of our generals, and
by far the greatest number of field officers,
who never saw a shot fired in anger in
their lives ; both for the satisfaction of
the common soldier, and for the honour
and interest of my country, I propose
that every general and field officer, who
has not 'seen active service before' they be
permitted to take upon them the com
mand of a brigade or regiment, shall be
commanded to walk backwards and for
wards for one quarter of an hour behind
a canvas screen, about eight feet high,

175
placed in front of a battalion of infantry,
the men firing all the time as quick as
possible at the cloth*. The soldiers then
will have confidence in the valour of their
commanding officers. Another benefit to
the country would be derived if these
proposals were enforced : We should not
then see so many gentlemen raise regi
ments, with no intention whatever to go
with them, on active service, who now
receive their pay and do nothing for it.
By such wise regulations, all our gene
rals and field officers would be men of
tried valour, and those who would not
submit to undergo the proof must re
sign and give up their pay ; which would
occasion a very great diminution in the
army estimates.

* This was written in 1798, long before the expeili-
tion to the Helder ; all officers on that service are
fairly exempted.

\7o
^he Commissary Generals, Quartet
faster Generals, Barrack-Master Gene
rals, Pay-Master Generals, and their de
puties, should all be compelled to per
form the same ceremony, as it is equally
as satisfactory to the soldier to be fed,
quartered, and paid by a brave man, as
to be led to action by one; These gen
tlemen cannot possibly refuse so trifling a
request, considering the great emolu
ments they gain by their places, as to be
shot at for one quarter of an hour Only
during their whole lives, when the officer
is liable to be shot at every week or day
in the year. I should imagine that no
man could be found so wanting to his
own interest as to refuse being made
permanent Commissary General, Quarter-
Master General, or Barrack-Master Ge*
neral, on such easy terms. I forgot to
mention that a ditch should be dug con-

177
tiguous to the screen, about eight feet
deep, where the first class of the Hu
mane Society of surgeons might attend.
All those who are wounded might be per
mitted to roll into it; for it would not be
fair to fire at them when they are down.
I must confess that I am a great advo
cate for the new pivot manoeuvre, of
wheeling backwards, from the facility of
its being performed with such safety in
all broken grounds, and especially in
roads where the waggon ruts are deep,
and in felled woods, where the stumps of
trees are left standing, or where the roots
of trees have been grubbed, and the holes
not filled up.
Although the soldier performs this re
trograde manoeuvre with perfect ease and
safety, and without ever tumbling down,
VOL. II. N

178
yet I am of opinion, if he were taught to
dance, particularly all stage steps, it
would be of great benefit to him ; for no
thing forms the limbs, or instructs a man
to walk gracefully so well as dancing :
besides, nothing is more effectual to teach
a man to keep his mouth shut, and
his ears and eyes open, which is so es
sential to perfect discipline and good
order. I think the soldier might be taught.
to keep the step with greater precision
in wheeling backward, if a sharp pointed
iron peg, about one inch and a half
long, was fixed in the heel of every
soldier's shoe ; then if any man should
forget to step backwards with the proper
leg, his comrade before him would be
sure to pin his foot to the ground, which
would enable the adjutant to find out the
soldier who was to blame, that he might
be sent to the drill to be perfected. At

170
present it is very difficult to observe what
soldier is guilty of the irregularity; for
although they often tread on one another's
toes, and break their comrades shins, they
bear. the pain, however excruciating, with
silence and wry faces.
" Eyes right," and " Eyes left," are
fascinating and elegant words of com
mand : the old fashioned expression, " By
the right dress," " By the left dress," was
vulgar and incomprehensible ; besides, it
has a charming effect on the soldier, for
it not only, teaches him regularity in his
duty, but gives him an agreeable facility
of; squinting, which, when off duty, he
can turn to his advantage, by being able
with greater ease and grace to ogle the
kdies, ,'- 1 have hitherto endeavoured, as far as
N 2

130
it has been in my power, to connect my
ideas, and arrange my advice for your fu
ture happiness, pleasure, and advantage, in
order and method ; but as affairs of conse
quence to myself will shortly engage my
attention, and deprive me from giving up
any more of that time, which, hitherto,
I have with so much satisfaction devoted
to your interest, and to the correction of
the immorality and Jacobinism of thepre-
sent age, I am compelled to give my fur-
ther instructions to you, in an uncon
nected and irregular wTay, just as the ideas
arise in my mind. imr.v'r
First of all, I entreat you, who may
perchance have children, never to permit
them to be christened at home in a punch
bowl, or in one of Mr. Wedgwood's earth
en utensils ; though I know it to be fa
shionable amongst the great. Go you to
1

181
church with them; it is by far more deco
rous : as for myself, if I had twenty chil
dren, not one of them should be christen
ed but in a river, as it was done of old.
I must confess, I am a great admirer
of short waists and thin clothing : for
merly, when the women wore Strong
'stiff stays and cork rumps, j ou might
as well sit with your arm round an oaken
tree with the bark on, as round a lady's
waist ; but now, as you have seldom any
more covering than your shift and gown
of a cold day, your waist is extremely
warm and comfortable to the feel. Be
sides, it is salutary to go thiri clad, to let
iii the ambient heat. The loose attire of
fyduf petticoats and gowfi is not only
g'facefulj^but very Corivement ; it being
equally appropriated to the utility of
women of fashion, and women of no
N 3

182

fashion ; it being admirably constructed
either for a young lady to conceal a big-
belly, or for a shop-lifter to hide a bale
of goods. I will do you the justice to say,
that in summer you go thin enough clad,
as very few of you wear more than a
shift, a thin linen petticoat, and a muslin
gown : but in winter, the cold compels
you to hide your shapes more than I can
wish for your sakes, as I am desirous that
your beauties should ever be displayed as
far as decency will admit; therefore, instead
of wearing a dickey*, wbich most of you n
very prudently do in winter, though it to
tally destroys the symmetry of your
shape, I recommend you, in lieu of it, to
wear a very thin oiled-silk petticoat of
a sky-blue or flesh colour : this is the

* A dickey is a short flannel petticoat, reaching
down below the knee.

183
warmest attire you can put on, as no air
whatever can penetrate it; and then it
is so thin, that not a dimple Or muscle
can escape the eye. Some few of you
who are most perfectly formed, may wear
breeches, made to fit you to the greatest
nicety, of flesh- colour oiled ^ilk, and over
which nothing but a thin muslin petti
coat and gown, the transparency of which
will shew your shapes to the greatest ad
vantage, and then you will not be in
danger of catching cold. I really am of
opinion, that many of you have been
guilty of an error, in leaving off false pads,
especially all those who are deficient in
respect to that without which no woman
can claim any tolerable degree of per
fection. They were useful and convenient
in other respects ; for, on a Sunday, you
might carry your prayer-book in them
N 4

1 84
on one side, and one volume of my works
on the other, to prevent your falling
asleep in church-time, if the sermon
should be very dull and long. A further
benefit many of you who are ill-bred
might derive from them ; for, if you be
haved so ill as to be kicked out of com
pany, the seat of honour could receive
no damage.
Elastic false bosoms are much in
fashion ; but they never as yet have been
turned to proper advantage. An ingenious
artist might so construct them, that you
might conceal your love-letters in them ;
for your mothers are all acquainted with
the old stale trick of tucking them under
your garters, or in your shoe., and may,
search there for them. If they were made:
pf a competent size, you might carry

185
your favourite squirrel in one of them,
which would be a guard to you against
immodest intruders.
Upon mature deliberation, I think the
wigs now so much in fashion are the
safest places to carry your billet doux ;
for, let your mother suspect you ever so
much, she cannot be so rude as to pull
your wig off in company, or even to
discompose ypur coiffeur e.
Fashionable and elegant expressions,
when in public company, ye lovely Cy
prians, are not only agreeable, but de
note a good education, and shew that
you have kept good company. Be mindful
of the following, which you may apply
as the conversation will admit you to
bring them forward. " Patch," " What
a bore," " That's the barber," " Go it,"

186
" The tippy and the twaddle," " What
a swell,": " Keep moving," " All my
eye, Betty Martin," <f Go along bob ;" and
above all things, never forget when asked
any question which you do not choose
to answer, to sell them a bargain.
Ye lovely Cyprians, Father Foigard,
(with whom I agree,) says, "Receiving
money before-hand is a bribe ; but if af
terwards taken, it is only a gratification."
Be, I pray you, mindful of his instruc
tions. There are many patents for the cure of
smoky chimnies, I mean of houses, which
are infallible ; but it has hitherto puzzled
the ingenuity of man to cure a natural
smoky chimney. Cardamum comfits,
mellifluous and odoriferous draughts, may
for a few hours conceal the defect, but

187
it can never be for any time effectually
prevented, but by cutting off the head,
which, though rather a novel and danger
ous operation, except performed by a
very skilful artist, may be performed, and
you may enjoy every faculty of nature
except seeing, hearing, speaking, and
smelling ; for the particulars of which
I refer you to a book written by an in
genious acquaintance of mine*.
Nothing sets a woman off so much, or
makes her appear more graceful, than an
elegant and dignified manner of walking ;
to plant the foot well, and turn your
toes out, is the first of all accomplish
ments. ^Eneas knew his mother by the
dignity of her walk, before she spoke
to him; vera incessu patuit dea. For

* Doctor Kentish's Treatise on the Use of the
guillotine.

188
the divine majesty of woman is displayed
in her very step. Nothing is more disgust
ing than to see a woman, let her be ever
so handsome, hurrying on with her toes
turned in, like a duck walking down a
gutter in a thunderstorm. You that are not
naturally endowed with this happy accom
plishment, should take a dancing master
to teach you to walk gracefully ; though
I think a drill sergeant is more capable
of setting you well on your haunches. Be
sides, if you are militarily inclined, which
is the rage amongst the ladies of the pre
sent day, he can instruct you in many
useful evolutions ; can teach you the In
dian way of fighting ; how the covered
way may be attacked and defended,
how to batter a breach, or storm a fort
ress, to draw the sword with skill, and
to fire in all attitudes, without winking
or blinking.

isg
To please you, ye lovely Cyprians, I
have purposely avoided the regular form
of Latin grammar and syntax, which
must have been extremely disgusting to
you. All mood and figure work abound
ing with well-turned periods and pris-*
can purities, resemble too much a Mo
saic pavement and Dutch garden, all
cut out in squares, and divided geometri
cally ; the regularity of which is offensive
to the eye.
The reader will distinguish as great capa
bility in my writings, as the celebrated Mr.
Brown expressed on viewing wild, irregu
lar featured land, which was to be laid
out in pleasure gardens*. Besides, too
* Mr. Brown, eminently distinguished for laying out
and improving pleasure ground, when he found he could
beautify a park or pleasure garden, said, " There was
great capability in the ground." From which expres
sion he acquired the nick-name of Capability Brown.

igb
fnucb attention to grammar would have
so cramped my pen, I could not have
Written with any degree of pleasure or
satisfaction, I freely confess, that it is as
painful a task for me to write and speak
grammatically, as it would be to Study
wTalking by the rules of equilibrium*'
I have often, ye lovely Cyprians, thought
what infinite service and pleasure man
wPuld derive from being able to fly. As
there^ are flying stage coaches, flying broad
wheel waggons, flying artillery, and fly
ing dillies, I am astonished that humari
ingenuity has not found out the art to
enable man to fly, who is by so many
hundred degrees lighter than the above
machines, which all fly. I have often
lamented that I was not born with
wings. What service I could have ren
dered my country ! No admiral or gene
ral could have served without my assist-*
2

1Q1
ancp ; ahd when the rivers are frozen, X
could carry dispatches to and from, the
continent. But the greatest of all satis
factions and pleasures would be flying
in at your windows, ye lovely Fair, in a
dark night, unobserved. On mature re
flection, I am inclined to think that very
few of you, however, would be benefited
by my flying abilities ; as from real charity
and compassion I certainly should be in
duced to spend my time abroad, among
the beautiful nuns in the convents, and
the lovely fair Circassians locked, up in the
Eastern seraglios. Our women have op
portunities enough of meeting their lovers,
as you well know, while those unfor
tunate women have no one to sympathize
in their distresses. Then, what a gallant
and charitable exploit it would be, to
fly away with one of the grand Turk's
beautiful Circassian mistresses, carry her

192
home to her friends, pass a few days with
her; return and carry off another, and
another, until the whole seragho was
cleared. This might be done by exercising
precaution in my expeditions, and taking
the advantage of a very dark night. The
Mufti, when consulted by the enraged
Sultaun, would for certain declare, that
Mahomet had taken them into the third
Heaven, and the father of the faithful
would be satisfied.
Ye lovely Cyprians, I have ever submit
ted with the most perfect obedience to
the laws of arrest in every shape, for two
cogent reasons : first, for the sake of so
ciety, and also not without some degree of
dread of entering into a correspondence
with Thomas Tullis, Esq. * for it would
* The hangman, vulgarly called Jack Ketch.

103
not be very agreeable to be troubled even
with one single line&om that gentleman ;
conscious that the wise, just, and pious
legislators of our country could, never
suffer any law to exist, which they could
not perfectly reconcile to their, con
sciences, and which, when properly con
sidered^ was in the smallest degree op
pressive. But, secondly, religious mo
tives have induced me more implicitly
to yield to law processes and expences
for debt, as I find that the twro great pro
cesses by which mankind is either stripped
to his last coat and shirt, and every thing
.but what he has on his body, or is cast
into prison, are both sanctioned by Scrip-
-ture : for in reading St. Matthew, chap. v.
verse the fortieth, you will find it writ
ten, " And if any man will, sue thee
at the law and take away thy coat, let
flim have thy cloak also." This un-
vol. n. o

1Q4
deniably is an absolute sanction for all
actions at fieri facias, which attach all
goods and wearing apparel. \\ Again,
in Matthew, chap, v, verses 25th and
26th, we read, " Agree with thine ad-*
versary (adversary certainly means an at
torney) quickly whilst thou art in the way
with him, lest at any time the adversary
deliver thee to the judge, and the judge
deliver thee to the officer, and thou be
cast into prison." Here again *we find
a positive sanction for all cases which
take the body in execution. By the
above texts from Scripture, you will
plainly observe, that the law in these
days acts as progressively, step by step, as
in the days of St. Matthew ; for the lawyer
(your adversary) first sends a bailiff to
take you ; he locks you up in a spunging-
house ; from thence you are committed to
Newgate, which you may avoid, if you
~5

195
can afford it, by being removed by Habeas
Corpus to the King's Bench. In the 'first
case, (fieri facias,) I have been more than
obedient to the letter of the Scriptural law ;
for, when the bailiffs came for my coat
and cloak to my house, they also had my
stockings, shoes, shirts, and breeches ;
to which I submitted with all humility ;
although it t. would have been very dis
tressing to me, and a Wonderful loss; for
those very clothes would have been sold
T at public auction for a trifle when eom-
a pared with their real value to me, as it
would have cost me at least one hundred
and fiftypounds to replace therh, for a debt
of fortyjeight pounds ; had they not per
chance been given by the sheriff's officer
to my friend Mr. Graham the auctioner,
who generously paid the money for me,
and preserved my ;clothes ; for pay the
debt I absolutely could not at that time,
o 2

196'
nor could I liquidate it for many months
with my generous friend Graham. ™ Here
both the lawyer and Mr. Graham verified
the Scriptures : but the world I trust will
give the greater credit to the latter ; for
the lawyer, when I w^s helpless, took
me in ; but Mr. Graham, when I was i
naked, clothed me. )I cannot help,
but with a considerable degree of satis-/-
faction and pleasure, remarking the |very
rnoderate costs on this action, of forty-
eight pounds, they not amounting to,.
much above one-half of the original debt,j
which I think I may say, and I am certain
was a bill given by me for twenty-six or <
thirtyt;pounds, not exceeding that sum;
Tor, in, many suits that have been brought
against , me, I have often tpa id costs,,
amounting to within a trifle of the ab-/
solute original debt ; of which I have
given „ the reader spme B authentic speci-

197
mens, where I have paid nearly one hun
dred' per cent, costs of suit to the law
yer, and hardly ever less than fifty per
cent. What advantage is it to you, ye lovely
Cyprians, if a man possesses the most
transcendent abilities, and will not afford
you his counsel and friendship ? Mine
are of a very inferior degree; but such
as they are, I have given them to you
spontaneously : nor have I made any
conditions with you ; yet, I must confess
that it is not my intent to give you this
advice gratis, nor have I pleaded your.
cause without a retaining fee: for I
have long had the satisfaction of be-'*
ing the chamber counsel of many of
you. Let others plough the main in quest' of"?
O 3

198
gold, and ransack India's burning soil in
search of gems ; or " brave the winged
messenger of death, to grasp that phan
tom, Honour, in the tented field. My
bark shall spread her swelling sails, and
bear me to that happy isle, where reigns
in loveliness attired the Paphian queen ;
then will I bend the knee and sacrifice
with her sportive nymphs on Cytherea's
altar, and pay due homage to the Queen
of Love ; for, to lovely woman, and nought
but her on earth, will I pay homage.
Attentive as I have been to your in
terests ;in fhis world, yet I should be de
ficient in true regard to you, if I were to
study only your temporal welfare and
happiness. Life is but a span long ; but I
have employed every ability I am master
of, to render your short passage through
a world fraught with misery, as com-

199
fortable as the nature of things will ad
mit. Now, it is my serious and solemn ad
vice, for the sake of your immortal part,
to let your leisure hours be devoted to the
Tabernacle, where, with due attention
to the salutary admonitions of the dis
ciples of the pious Doctor Squintum, you
may speedily be regenerated, be received
as babes of grace, and admitted to those
feasts of pure seraphic love, where none
but the truly penitent aire admitted; and you
may then defy the cloven-footed gentle
man and all his works. It is not my practice
to calumniate any one ; but you know it
to be true that he is a very scurvy, ras
cally acquaintance, who, if you continue
any connection with him, will not leave
you a rag — no, not a single rag to your
backs. . l
© 4

200
For the more speedy accomplishing
your regeneration, you should pay atten
tion also to the private lectures of the
foot soldier in the guards, Swaddling
John, and Captain Joyce, formerly a
boatswain's mate on board a man of war ;
but, above all, I wish to draw your atten
tion to the Work of the pious Doctor
Huntington, intitled Huntingdon s Bank
of Faith.
This pious divine was formerly a coal-
heaver, afterwards a cobler, then a gar
dener. The inferior situatious in life that
he occupied can be no disparagement to -»
him in your minds, for poverty and ob
scurity were his only faults ; yet, in the
most painful distress, he never deserted
the service in which he was engaged.
Let me entreat you to attend to this pious
mans Work, Ids Bank of Faith ; walk

201
in the paths he has trodden, and have but
the same faith which he tells you "he ever-
had in the worst of times, and you will
be sure to succeed and prosper. It will
not be possible, then, you shall ever want
either food, raiment, or any other necessa-
rv,to make this transitory life comfortable.
ior A You will observe, in perusing the ex
tracts which I shall select from this pious
Christian's works, how his faith was re
warded ; for, although he never provided
for his own sustenance or clothing, or
that of his family or wife, and let the mor
row ever provide for itself, the Power
whom he served never failed to send him
every requisite necessary for his support.
When he was absolutely starving, he was
suddenly furnished with partridges, Tab- *
bits, and money. When fired, he tiriex- '
pectedly received a horse to ride on, and"

202
at the same time a tailor appeared to
measure him for a pair of leathern
breeches to defend his posteriors from
excoriation on horseback, when, in his
zealous exertions to preach the word of
God, he had worn out his worsted small
clothes, and exposed his shameful parts,
(to use an expression of Mr. Burke,) to
the ridicule of the unholy multitude.
His pious wife also, when she wanted a
dish of tea, and had no money to purchase
it, had but to order the maid to boil the
kettle, and, before the water was tho
roughly warm, some ministering angel sent
her tea : all this she acquired by having
faith. Be mindful, ye amiable Cyprians, that
without faith you can have no hopes, and
with perfect faith every thing may be ob
tained, as this pious Mr. Huntingdon has
gravely and gratefully informed us.

203
If you but possess the same inward
feeling, you need not despair of receiving,
from the same beneficent hands, beef,
mutton, tea, petticoats, and gin, which
you, of course, prefer to such a washy
vaporous beverage as tea.
I shall now request your attention to
the following extracts from this pious
Christian's Works : I wish to imprint
them on your minds, that you may know
what benefits may be derived on earth
from true faith. The truth and asser
tions of this pious man, this spiritual
shepherd, who gathereth together the
sheep who have -wandered away.frp.rn
the sheepfold, and fed on the wormwood
and rue of vice and ungodliness, instead
of the clover and cinque-foil of holiness,
cannot be doubted. .1 command you,
therefore, ye lovely Cyprians — I command

?p.4
you, by the sincere interest I take in your
welfare, that you will not only study this"
pious man's Works, his -Bank of Faith,
but have faith— aye, and faith in him, arid'
, ti t ., - 'fr '. ...' w srru:
in 'every' thing he relates ; for without it
.:.i,v,..,: ; .. - 70^0
you cannot expect to be regenerated.^
saved. Ekctrach from Huntington V BdnJc'of
Faith.
4i As the life of faith consists in bearing''
the cross of Christ, we must not expect to' be72
long without trials. — Providence soon frown- J
ed on me again, and I got behind-hand as1-1
usual. '1 This happened, too, at a time whchr
my wife was lying-in, destitute of those lie-1
cessaries of life which are needful at such
r
times.— i-The nurse came and told her there1
was no tea' in the house. — My wife replied,'^
' Set- 1 the kettle cn^if there Is not.'— The'
nurse (whose name was Ann Webb/'a daugh-'
ter of mine in the faith,1 and the first soul'-
- 1

205
tbat'Ged1 called by me) said,' ' You have no
tga,, nor can you get any.'— My wife replied^ '
' Set on the kettle.' — She did so; and, be
fore it boiled, a, woman (with whom at that
Xi- - - ' '
time we had no acquaintance) came to the
door, and told the nurse that she had brought
some tea as a present for my wife. Thus
God, who shewed Moses a stick to sweeten
the waters of Marah, sent a little tea to bit
ter the water in my dame's kettle. Soon a£-
ter my dame got over her lying in, tidings
were brought to us that a gospel minister
w.as coming down to Kingston to preach an
evenina: lecture, and to break bread to the
congregation. I had a great desire to go to
the table, and also to have my child baptised
at,the same time : but, as I never could go
from the Lord's table without offering my
mjte, ,and at this time had no money in my
pocket, I did: not go. However,: I beg
ged of God to send me a little money, some,
way or other, for this purpose ; which I ve
rily believed, he would. So I waited till
within half an hour of the time to go, and

206
then began to think I should be disappoint
ed : but, just as unbelief set me to murmur
ing and complaining, I heard a man ride up
to my door as I was in my study at the back
part of the house ; and, when he rode away
again, I called to my wife to get ready to
go. ' Get ready!' said she, ' why you
know we have no money!' — 'Poh! poh!'
said I, 'God has sent the money!' — And
true enough it was that God had sent it ;
for all the business the man had with us was
to give us some money ! ' Surely it was God
that sent him, and none else ; for, if the
hairs of our head are all numbered, we have
reason to believe that our wants are ; and
if God keeps our hairs from falling to the
ground, he certainly supplies our wants too.
Thus the good God and Saviour, who made
a fish produce money for an earthly tribute,
sent the man with three shillings as an offer
ing to God, and of his own we offered to
fhim." P. 73—75.
" My year being now expired, I wanted

207
a new parsonic livery ; wherefore, in humble
prayer, I told my most blessed Lord and
qMaster that my year was out, and my appa
rel bad — that I had no wh'er6 to go for these
things but to him ; and, as he had promised
to give his servants food and raiment, I«
t hoped he would fulfil his promise to me,
though one of the worst of them. Seeing no
immediate signs of my livery coming, I be
gan -to omit praying for it ; though God
esays,' ' For all these things I will be inquired
[of by the house of Israel, that I may do
athese things for them. ' It fell out one day
"that I called on a poor man, who complain
ed that he could not attend the word of
God for want of apparel. This drove me to
pray again for my new suit of clothes, that I
might give my old ones to him. - A few days
after this I was desired to call at a gentle
man's bouse near London. Indeed it had
been, impressed on my mind for six weeks
before, that God would use that gentleman
as an instrument to furnish .me with my next
1 suit. ^ And so it fell out ; for, when I called

208
on him, upon leaving his house he went a
little way with me ; and, while we were on
the road, he said, ' I think you want a ne\v
suit of clothes.' I answered, ' Yes, Sir, I
do; and I know a poor man that would be
very glad of this which I have on, if my
Master would furnish me with another.'
When we parted, he desired me to call on
him the next morning, which I accordingly
did, when he sent a tailor into the room,
and generously told me to be measured for
what clothes I chose, and a great coat also.
When I got the new, I furnished the popr
man with my old suit. This was the fourth
suit of apparel that my Master gave me in
this providential manner, in answer to the
prayer of faith. Thus God, who kept Israel's
clothes from waxing old, though in constant
use for forty years, gave me a new suit every
year." P. 79, 80.
" I now preached at London, at Rich
mond, at Cobham, at Wooking, at Worples-
don, and at Farnham in Surrey. This I

209
found too much for my strength, However,
I continued for a considerable time, till at
last I was generally laid up sick about once
a month. I found I had great need of a
horse; but feared I should not be able to
keep it, if I had one. However, it happen
ed that I had a veryseyere week's work to
do ; I was to go to Wooking and preach on
the Lord's day morning, to Worplesdon in
the afternoon, and from thence to Farnham
in the evening ; to preach at Petwprth in
Sussex on the Monday, at Horsham on the
Tuesday, at Margaret-street chapel on the
Wednesday, and at Ditto>l on the Thursday,
evening: but before I could reach Ditton
on the Wednesday, I was so far spent that
I thought I must have lain down on the
road ; yet, with much difficulty, I reached
home, and then I had to go tp London.
Finding myself wholly unable to perform all
this labour, I went to prayer, and besought
God to give me more-strength, less work, or
a horse. I used my prayers as gunners, use
their swimls, turning them every way as
VOL. II. P

210 i.
the various; cases required,^'}! then hired a
•horse; to ride to town ; and, v when I came
there, went to put him up at Mr. Jackson's
4iveryrstabl.es, near the .chapel, in Margaret-
street; but the ostler told me they had not
room to. take him in.,j I asked if his master
was- in the yard. He said, Yes. I desired
to see him ; and he told me he could not
take the horse in. I was then going out of
the yard, when he stepped after me, and
.asked if- I was the person that preached at
{Margaret-street chapel. I told him I was.
lie burst into tears, saying, he would send
one of his own horses out and take mine in ;
find infonned me of his coming one. night to
hear me out of curiosity, because he had
been informed that I had been a coal-heaver.
He then told me that, under the first, ser
mon, God shewed him the insufficiency of
bis own wretched righteousness— the carna
lity and hypocrisy of his religion— -the true
state pf his soul — and the necessity of the
spirit and grace of Christ Jesus the Lord to
change his heart if ever he jyas saved ; and

211 »
blessed God for sending me there. This
was good news to me. He also said that
some of my friends had been gathering mo
ney to buy me a horse, and that he gave
something towards him. Directly after, I
found the horse was bought and paid for ;
and one person gave me a guinea to buy a
bridle,- another gave me two whips, a third
gave me somethings necessary for the stable,
another trusted me for a saddle — and hef e
was a full answer to my prayer : so I mount
ed my horse and rode home; and he turned
out as good an animal as ever was rode. I
believe this horse was the gift of God, be
cause he tells me in his word that all the
beasts of the forest are his, and so are the
cattle on a thousand hills. I have often
thought that, if my horse eould have spri-
'ken, lie would have had more to say than Ba
laam's ass ; as he might have said, ' I am an,
-answer tvmy master's prayers^-I Ike by my
-fnuster's faith, travel with myst"5 ies, and
-suffer persecution, but I do not /'now i"6r
^whaf.?-' P. 33^-85. : '5
P 2

212
'/.' Having now had my horse for; some
time,, and riding a great deal every week, L
soon wore my breeches out, as they were not
fit to ride in. hi hope the reader will excuse
my mentioning the. wordi breeches, which I;
.should have avoided, had not this passage of
scripture obtruded into my mind, just as I
had i resolved intmy own thoughts not-ter-
mention this kind providence of God.— 1
' And thou shalt make them linen breeches-
tp cover their nakedness; from the loins-.
even unto the thighs shall they reach. And,
they shall be upon Aaron and upon his sons
when they come into the tabernacle of the
congregation, or when they come near unto "
the altar to minister in the holy place ; that
they bear not iniquity, and die. . It shall be
a statute for ever unto him and his seed after
him.'.f Exod. xxviii. 42, 43. By which,
and three others, (namely, Ezek. xliv. 1,8,;
Lev. vi. 10; and Lev. xvi. 4.) I saw that it
was no crime to mention the word breeches,
nor the way in which God sent them to me;
Aaron and his sons being clothed entirely

213
by Providence; and as God himself conde-'
scended to give orders what they should be
made of, and how they should be cut. And'
Jr believe the same God ordered mine, as I
trust it will appear in the following history.
" The scripture tells us to call no man
master, for one is our master, even Christ'
I therefore told my most bountiful and ever-
adored Master what I wanted ; and he, who
stripp'd Adam and Eve of their fig-leaved
aprons, and made coats of skins and cloth-
edthem ; and who clothes the grass of the
field, which to-day is and to-morrow is cast
into the oven ; must clothe us, or we shall
soon go naked : — and so Israel found it,
when God took away his wool and his flax,
which lie gave to cover their nakedness, and
which they prepared for Baal ; for which ini
quity were their skirts discovered, and their
heels made bare. Jer. xiii. 22.
" I often made very free in my pr dyers
mtfc my iwoaluableJMasterfor this. favour ;
V 3

214
but he Still kept me so amazingly poor that
J could not get them at any rate. At last . 'I
was determined to go to a friend of mine at
Kingston, who is of that branch of business,
to bespeak a pair, and to get him to trust mc
until my Master sent me money to pay him.
I was that day going to London, fully deter
mined to bespeak them as I rode through the
town. However, when I passed the shop, I
forgot it; but when I came to London, I
called on Mr. Croucher, a shoemaker in
Shepherd's Market, who told me a parcel
was left there for me, but what it was he
knew not. I opened it, and behold there
was a pair of leather breeches, with a note in
(them ! the substance of which was, to the
best of my remembrance, as follows :
' Sir,
' I have sent you a pair of breeches, and
hope they will fit. I beg your acceptance of
them ; and if they want any alteration, leave
in a note what the alteration is, and I will
call in a few days and alter them.
'-«>•- • ... • J. 'S,'

215
:'» ." I: tried them on, and they fitted-as --Mfclikfrf
if I had been measured for them ; at whic]^
I was amazed, having never been measured
by any leather breeches-maker in London,
I wrote an answer to the note, to.this: effect wi
' Shy
;r' I received your present, and thank you
for it. I was going to order a pair of leather
-breeches to be made, because I did not know
tiil now that my Master had bespoke theiriof
you. They fit very well, which fully con
vinces me that the same God, who moved
thy heart to give, guided thy hand to cut ;
because he perfectly knows my size, havbrg
clothed me in a miraculous manner for near
five years. When you are in trouble,. Sir, I
hope you will tell my Master of this, and
what you have done for me, and he will re-
pay you with honour.'
cV.oit ^Jjjg }s as_ neaf ag J am ak|e ,^Q relaJ;e Jt .
-arid I added,-'-'-"- • t;L
' '-* I cannot make out /. S. unless I put 2
P 4

210
for, Israelite indeed, and S. for Sincerity ; be
cause you did not sound a trumpet before
you, as the hypocrites do,'
" About that time twelvemonth I got an
other pair of breeches in the same extraordi
nary manner, without my ever being mea
sured for them. " P. 85— 88.
" One providence I had almost forgot.
We were at that time very badly off for beds
and bedding; my children were no better
provided than the Saviour when he laid in a
manger, for they slept upon bags of hay :,
but prayer at a long run brought in these
things also. Some of my most intimate ac
quaintances knew how I was tried in this re
spect, though I never made it knoAvn to any
body who was capable of helping me out of
my, trouble. But one night, after I had
done preaching at Richmond, a person in
vited me home to his house, and shewed me
a, large bundle tied up, saying it was for me.
I , asked who the donor was; he replied.

217
'You are not to know that. ' I carried it
home, when, lo ! it proved to be bedding,
and the very things I stood so much in need
of!" P. 91-
-i.it c. Perceiving that the Lord approved of a
bold, though not of a presumptuous beggar,-"
agreeable to his word, ' Let us come boldly
unto the throne of grace,' &c. I boldly ask
ed him the favour, and persevered in it, un
til I was one day informed by a friend that
four or five pious people were coming on
such a day from London to visit me. Then
my faith told me I should soon have the bed.
Accordingly they came, and we had some
comfortable conversation together. Toward
evening they departed, giving me four gui
neas. O ! what Christian in his right mind;
r
would murmur and complain at his poverty,
when, with a watchful eye, he sees such li
beral supplies poured forth from the inex
haustible stores of Providence ! Thus God,
who provided a comfortable lodging for
Elisha the prophet, provided me ' a bed, a

21>8
table, a stool, and a candlestick.!- -2 Kings
iv. 10. ¦ I C-- 70 a

" I was determined to keep this money
for a bed; and therefore went to a .good
man in London, and bespoke one ; which he
very soon sent me, with a rug also, and a
pair of very good blankets. Soon after I
called to pay him for it ; when he told me
to pay his clerk, who gave me a receipt for
the same ; but afterwards the gentleman
went a little way with me, and at his de
parture gave me all the money back again.
How sweet are temporal mercies, when re
ceived by those who are under the influence
of grace ! when they are seen to come from
a covenant with God and Father, in answer
to the simple prayer of faith." P. 92, 93. -»
" But when I got about half oveiyth.e
common, it came suddenly into my mind
to go out of the horse-road into a little* nar
row track, which leads over the, hills,- be
tween the Hand-post and the Bath-house;. A
4

2-1 Q
eould gain but very little ground by this,
nor do I remember that I had ever gone that
way before ; but I soon found what this im
pression meant ; for there was to be a battle
fought between a stoat, or weasel, ¦- and a
large rabbit. The stoat, or weasel, was to
fight -the battle and to win the field, and I
was to take the prey. So I took up my rab
bit, and gladly carried him home ; and it
proved as fine a one as I ever saw, being
quite in season, in every sense of the word,
for we had nothing but bread in the house.
" This occurrence happened before 1 re
ceived the horse. But I cannot recollect
every circumstance so as to range it in its
proper place, my memory being naturally
bad-. I lived in this manner for seven or
eight years together, and every day afforded
some providence or trial.
" My dame about this time was pregnant,
and not far from her lying-in. She gave me
a large catalogue of the necessaries that she

>220
should want against that time. I told her I
had no ^money^ nor was there -any signs of
my having any, _> and we, could not get them
without. rShe went on in suspense this,.way,
till she expected her timeeveryday,a»d began
at last to fret amazingly. I told her I thought;
that God tried her thus, because she was re-.
miss in the blessed privilege of private pray
er. I also remarked to her, that God would
be inquired of by us, that he might do these;
tilings for us, and that, if she did not pray,'
for them, she was not like to have them, T-
believe this drove my dame to prayer ; a for.
soem after this there was a parcel sent from:
Lambeth, another from Kingston, another
from (Richmond, and a few things from
some neighbours nearer home. I now ask-.
cd the old woman if she thought she had got
enough. i( She replied, ' Yes, and more than
enough.' — God had exceeded allher desires;
for she had feared that she should not <retu
money to buy the stuff to make, up her little r
things; and that, if she did get it, it would :
have been so lktc that she should. not have

221
had time to make them: 'but Cod,' said
she, ' has sent them ready-made.' So Mary
was very well pleased, and richly supplied. —
And I think, for three or four births succes
sively, the Almighty raised up one Dorcas
here, and another there, to provide for my
dame against her lying-in.1' P. 1 10, 1 1 1.
" At another time, when Providence had
been exercising my faith and patience till
the cupboard was quite empty, in answer to
simple prayer he sent one of the largest
hams that I ever saw. Indeed I saw clearly
that 1 had nothing to do but to pray, to
study, and to preach ; for God took care for
mc, and my family also, agreeable to his
own promise. " P. ] 25.
•*' After I had preached there a few times,
it came to pass one evening, when I had
finished my sermon, that a' person came to
inform me that a woman- (who was lately*
taken very ill, and was apparently, near
death.) J desired to see mo. I accordingly

222
went; and, when I came to her bedfldc,
asked her if she had sent for me. She re
plied, ' Yes.' I asked her what she had
sent -for me to do. She said, to pray by her.
I asked her what I was to pray for — that
she might be raised up again ? She replied,
' No ; pray God to give resignation to his
will, and that he may not depart from me.'
1 asked her if she was sure the Lord was
with her. She said, ' Yes. ' She now gave
me a very sweet account of the operations
of the Holy Ghost, and of the precious li
berty which he proclaimed by the revelation
and application of Christ crucified to her
understanding, mind, and conscience. These
tidings made my bowels yearn. O! the
conversion of such souls are greater riches
to mc than all the treasures of Egypt ! God
in mercy soon after raised her up again ; and
she attended my ministry for about two
years, appearing a most amiable Christian.
She always sat with her head down, and
heard me with all the. attention imaginable ;
and, wlxeixshe ted .gM herporM&H) like Han-

223
nati,. she would set off without either look
ing or speaking to any body, as if she sus
pected every one that spoke to her to be a
robber of her conscience. Indeed she was
no bastard — she was my own daughter — she
loved a private religion, that lay between
Christ crucified and her own conscience;
•and It.believe she kept her day-book very
strictly. Her name is Stuart. I dearly
lotted her foul in the bowels of Christ, as / had
begotten her, and -had soreby travailed fo#
her." P. 143—145.
"A good gentleman, with whom I had
but little acquaintance, and of whom I
bought a load of timber, sent it me in with
a bill and receipt in full, as a present to the
Chapel of Providence. — Another good man
came with tears in his eyes, and blessed me,
and desired to paint my pulpit, oesk, Sec. as
a present to the chapel. — Another person
gave half a dozen chairs for the vestry ; and
my friends, Mr.: and Mrs. Lyon, furnished
nie .with.a te&-ehcst-weU -stored/ and a set of

1'2-i
china.— Mv good friends Mr. and MvS.
Smith furnished me with a very handsome
bed, bedstead, and all its furniture and ne
cessaries, that I might not be under the ne
cessity of walking home in the cold winter
nights. — A daughter of mine in the faith
gave me a looking-glass for my chapel
study.— Another friend gave me my pulpit-
cushion, and a book-case for my study. — -
Another gave me a book-case for the vestry.
— And my good friend Mr. E. seemed to le
vel all his displeasure at the devil ; for he
was in hopes I should be enabled, through
the gracious arm of the Lord, to cut Rahab
in pieces ; therefore he furnished me with a
sword of the Spirit — a new Bible, with Mo
rocco binding andsilver clasps." P. 148,149-
" However, the Almighty condescended
to stop the rapid spreading, of this disease by
a singular circymftance. I received the fol
lowing note from an unknown friend :
' Mr. Anti-Arminius's free-grace love to

225
Mr. Huntington, begs his (acceptance of a
dish of dead men's brains; he believes most
of them are of the evangelical family : they
will be with him iii a day or two : he is de
sired to ask no questions, of the bearers
" Dead-man's Place,' he -<¦
" What these dead men's brains were, I
could not conjecture ; but suspected some
thing to he sent by way of contempt, as the
doctrines which God hath tanght me , are
point blank against Arminianism. Howbeit,
in a day or two the dead men's brains arrived
in a very large packing-case, brought by
two chairmen; which I at first refused to
take in, suspecting an Arminiah cheat ; how
ever, I opened the wooden scull, examined
the brains, and found them to be three or
four hundred volumes of divinity, geograj
phy, history," &c* ' : .
" A few days afterwards .he was pleased
to send me another dish of brains, or a se
cond course; which' he informed me, by
VOL. II. q '

226
note, consisted of some good and some bad;
and so I found them: for, amang others,
were the tracts of the irreverent Dr. Priest
ley, clothed in a suit of red Morocco em^
broidered with gold. I had not read much
of him before his priestly craft greatly dis
gusted me. I stripped him out of his coat
©f many colours, and served it as, I think,
Christ will serve the author ; that is, I cut
it asunder, and appointed it a portion in the
fire, as the Lord will do with all hypocrites
and unbelievers. I confess I was much dis
pleased to find some precious old authors,
who were administering comfort to the peo
ple of God, with nothing but a sheep's-
skin jacket about them; while the Doctor,
that sworn enemy to the God of armies,
(busy in undermining and destroying that
comfort,) was strutting about with an em
broidered uniform ! ' Ah, Doctor V thought
I, ' I will put this scarlet suit on one of these
old warriors who have been good soldiers of
Jesus Christ ; they shall walk in embroidery,
for they are worthy. ' There were a few more
3

227
sly hypocrites crept in among them, towhoftl
I gave house-room until I found, them out,
when I sent them bag and baggage after the
Doctor," P. 157, ,158.
" Reader, I could have mentioned many
mote blessings which came to me in a way
of providence ; but as I have recited, per
haps, too many of them already, I have here
given thee only a few fathoms of heavenly
meditation, with which the God of all grace
enabled me to sound this mystery in a fit of
sickness" that befell me at Thames Ditton.
Then it was that I received the greatest part
of this consistent chain ; the links of which
kept every faculty of my soul, and every
thought of my heart, so delighted and en
tertained, that I sat down a most willing,
submissive, and delighted captive, at; the
foot of my prevailing lover and almighty
Conqueror." P. 172. - ¦:,<

The above extracts, which I have
taken from the righteous book, writ-
q 2

22S
ten by that pious coal-heaver, cobler,
and divine, Doctor Huntington, intitled,
Huntington's Bank of Faith, I most
cordially recommend to your attention,
ye lovely Cyprians ! By them you will
be taught how to wrestle with Heaven ;
but remember, you must use your pray
ers as gunners use their swivels *, turn
ing them every way as your various cases
require, or they will have but little effect;
and you must positively leave off dance-
ing, for that, he informs you, in page 27
and 28 of his pious book, " is just as
serviceable a net to ruin souls as devils
could invent." Observe, when you pray
for any thing in which you are consider
ably interested, fohat you go under a hedge
to pray, cut a stick half through, bend it
(mo ion
\ ¦ '''*;'¦"„¦''
* Vide Huntington's expressions, page 83, in his
Bank of Faith. .>?''¦,

22p
down, come back, look at it, and praise
God if the favour you ask is granted. At
another time you must go into your tool-
house in the garden, and wrestle hard with
God. This pious man never prayed for
anything but he informs you the Lord
sent it him. The Lord killed carps, eels,
partridges. and rabbits for him, to feed his
children with. When he had nothing
left to eat, nor any money to buy any
victuals, the Lord took away his appetite
for three or four days. And at another
time, when he knew there was no food
in the house, he looked in the cupboard,'
arid found that his heavenly master had
sent him a large ham. His prayers are
so substantially efficacidus/?' that what
ever he requests by prayer is sent him ;
not only clothes of every sort for him and
his wife, but even the minutest articles of
life, such as bedding, stools, candlesticks,
Q 3

230
whips, looking-glasses, tables, tea, sugar,
&c. &c. But, above all, I charge you, ye
lovely Cyprians ! be mindful how he got
his leathern breeches, as it must give you
great satisfaction. If you can be as well
fitted for a pair as this pious coal-heaver,
cobler, and divine was, without any tai-
lor taking measure of you, your mo
desty will never be put to the blush.
Now I cannot see any reason whatever
why yon should not obtain all the various
benefits, gifts, and advantages which were
granted to this pious coal-heaver and cob
ler, provided you have equal faith with him ;
for without faith nothing is to be obtained.
I have given you, ye lovely Cyprians,
every instruction in my power for the
happiness of your souls and bodies in this
world ; and, to secure it in both instan
ces, you cannot do better than follow

23i
the precepts laid down by this righteous
coal-heaver and cobler, in his book inti
tled, Huntington's Bank of Faith. If
you, ye lovely Cyprians, have but equal
faith with this pious man, every thing in
life, that you can possibly desire to have,
you are plainly shewn how to obtain, ex
cepting gin; and as I do not recollect,
in any part of this enlightened and pious
work, mention being made of his ever
having obtained that wholesome liquor
either by faith or prayer, I confess I am
at a loss how to instruct you relative to
the acquiring of this liquor, except by pur
chase. However, should you, by the means
which he employed, obtain a superfluity of
clothes, our father's brother * will always
indulge you with the loan of a trifleion a
pledge ; and as this liquor is so salutary
q 4
* Our uncle.

S32
and conducive to your health as well as
to your happiness, every exertion must be
used to obtain it ; therefore, mind the di
rections this pious man gives how you
are to obtain*" any thing you most ardent-.
ly wish for : be mindful, then, to wrestle
hard, and turn your prayers in every
direction as gunners turn their swivels.
This direction, strictly observed, will, when
you are once brought to believe it, obtain
every thingyou wish an-^-excellentand use-^
ful endowment which this pious coal-hea
ver and cobler^ was blessed with ; and if
yoUj ye lovely Cyprians, can but arrive
at the same ' proficiency, you will find it
of the greatest advantage. r< It will pre
vent your passing many unhappy hours
when the green-eye'd monster inflames
your heart. Whenever this, pious man's
wife went to glean in the harvest-
fields, not informing him by any means

233
which way she intended to go, his piety
taught him to go directly straight to the
place where she was ; which was equally
the same, he informs you, whether she
had gone north, south, east, or west*
Now, if, by faith, wrestling hard, and
throwing your prayers in every direction
as gunners turn their swivels, and, by
leaving off dancing, (for that he posi
tively forbids as a deadly sin,) you can
arrive at the same perfection in finding
any person you immediately wish to see,
you will be the happiest mortals on
earth; for, if the captain or your flash-
man should ever go astray, you will.im*
mediately know on what part of the
town to dash after him, and be enabled
to take vengeance on your rival's counter
nance. If you find him paying his court
to another female, the gay deceiver
can have nothing to plead in excuse,

234
and you will get rid of a gentleman
wboj at the best of times, is but
a troublesome guest. Make yourselves,
'.therefore, I entreat you, perfect mis
tresses of this pious man's writings, and
tod in his paths with unerring at
tention : after which you may study two
other pious Works, -Banyans Shave to
a Heavy-breeched Christian, and Hea
ven taken by Storm by a Repentant
Sinner ; with the assistance of these two;
in addition to the pious Huntington's Bank
of Faith, you must shortly get into the high
road to heaven, from which if you ever wan
der, "the devil himself (to use his expres
sion) must be within your bodies, and Ra
hab have full possession of your soul."
"Be mindful that you constantly fre
quent the Tabernacle, in preference to the
'„ "d* r't •
Church of your established religion, and in

235
preference to the rational sermons preach*
ed by bishops, deans, and other digni
fied clergymen of the established Church
of England: seek far and wide the pious
and instructive harangues of the follow
ing enlightened and righteous men, who
all serve in the bowels of .Christ *, whe
ther they deliver their pious instructions
and exhortations to repentance and faith
either in tub or pulpit, in tabernacle, or
in the high- ways, in a cart, or from an
hay-cock :
Hew Mr. Norman, Dealer in old clothes.
Mr. Wilson, Grinder.
Mr, Timothy Hands, Sheep's head seller,
Mr. Sanders, Coach-painter.
Mr. Godston, Pressman.
Mr. O  , Mangle-maker.
Mr. Dowaes, Glazier.
Mr. Hiskup, Footman to T. G. Esq.
* Vide Huntington's Subscription to the Dedica
tion of his Bank of Faith.

236

r
Rev.. Mr. Stanton, "| maker, and phleboto-

' Tooth-draWer, periwig-
mist.
Mr. Party, Breeches -maker.

The wisdom, science, education, and
learning of the clergy i of our established
Church, can by no means be put in com
petition with the superior talents and abi
lities of the above-named pious, learned, i
and scientific disciples of Methodism*, who,
to use the pious Huntington's expressions,
serve in the bowels of Christ ; • for they,
as the righteous coal-heaver and cobler
mentions, can fill you with as much reli
gion as you can well carry away; and
besides, can teach you also how to bar-
* The above are the names and professions selected
out of 397 persons who took out sixpenny preaching-
licences, at the Session-house, Clerkenwell, in the
year 17p6-7, taken from The Rise and Dissolution of
the Infidel Societies. By W. Hamilton Reid.

23?
ter in old clothes,; to grind, to deal in
sheep's heads (commonly called Field-
lane ducks), to paint a coach, to press,
to mangle, to mend windows, to wait at
table and at tea, to draw teeth, make
periwigs, and bleed, and to make breech
es. Pardon me, ye lovely Cyprians ! for
using the word breeches : and it is my duty,
having the example set me by the pious
Huntington, to apologize for using that
indelicate word; I ought to have said— ^
inexpressibles. Now all these accom
plishments you may turn considerably
to your advantage in life : I conjure
you, therefore, attend strictly to these en
lightened, pious, and learned preachers.
Having performed my duty to you, ye
.lovely Cyprians, in endeavouring to pro
vide- for all the happiness of which your
.1

238
hatiires are really susceptible, I arri of
opinion that I cannot express myself
more to your satisfaction, or to my
own, especially as I have lately com
menced the trade of coal-merchant, than
by adapting the words of the super-excel
lent Huntington, which are attached to
the Dtedication of his Bank of Faith. " I
thank thee, Christian ; but beseech thee
not to put any. titles or compliments upon
me : give them to those who can make
a meal of them.- — Coal-heaving is hard
Work ; and coal-heavers, and, I might
add, coal-merchants, require better food
than fine speeches, windy words, and airy
compliments. For the pains I have taken to correct
the immorality; and Jacobinism of the
age, I trust the bishops (as a reward for

2$9
my loadable endeavours to promote reli-
gio», .strengthen the Christiart faith, and
suppress immorality,) will at least order
] ooo- copies of this work to be purchased*,
andi distributed amongst the poor clergy,,
who cannot afford, though ever so de
sirous, of purchasing a book so fraught
with morality and the purest precepts.
Andyou, ye lovely Cyprians, and fair
sex in general, will, I trust, be liberal in
your recommendations of these volumes*
after the pains I have taken to instruct
you how to practise the cardinal virtues/
and the attention I have paid not duly to
the happiness of your bodies in this- life,-
but to the peace of your souls in another-
to come; together with the attention I
have manifested to your health, in recom
mending a general and constant use of that
wholesome and cheap beverage called gin.
If certain ladies of fashion will but lay

240
aside their cordial stomachic strong wa
ters for plain gin, by which their healths
will be benefited, and the lovely Cyprians
will leave off drinking brandy, rum, rasp-1
berry, and cherry-bounce, and stick to
royal gin, and gin only, so peculiarly
salutary to their health, it is reasonable
to expect that the consumption of that
liquor will increase at least one- third —
then I trust I shall experience more gra
titude from the distillers of that liquor*
than my friend Dr. Moseley has from the
West-India planters and merchants for
having published those excellent treatises
on the salubrity and utility of coffee and
sugar, which has been productive of such
advantages to their trade as to increase the
consumption in a very considerable de
gree *. For the truth of this I appeal to
* Three treatises published by Dr. Moseley, name
ly, Moseley on Tropical Diseases ; Moseley on Cof*

241 V
the historian of the West Indies, Bryafi
Edwards. But great men, when their
turn is served, think but little of us infe
rior mortals.
fee ; and Moseley on Sugai — not only 'shew the exten
sive professional knowledge of the physician, but the,
philosophy, the philanthropy, and erudition o£ the
scholar, and the urbanity of the gentleman.

VOL. II. R

243

CHAPTER III.
On the Misery and Wretchedness of
Female Prostitution.
JL am extremely desirous that all persons
who read this particular Chapter, should
be acquainted with the real motives
which have induced me to write it ; and
I trust and believe that they will favour
them with their approbation.
Among the modern, new-fangled, and
soi-disant philosophers of the present age,
lost in longevity and putrified in matter,
one of whom tells us that no man could
die if the mind was not prejudiced by the
fear of death, which makes him inca
pable of the necessary degree of volition
$2

244
to live. I own I do not understand, in
this sense, the meaning of the word voli
tion. He might, in my humble opinion',
as well talk of the air balloon of life as
the volition of life, which nought but the
Almighty can give and take away.
Another of these wretched animals and
idiot blasphemers, whom it is degrada
tion to mention, whor draWs the breath of
life, and dares to assert, that if there be
such a thing as what is called God, it
can be only matter *.
These men, by arrogating to themselves
ufL knowledge which can belong only to
the Supreme Being, who made this world

*" Know then thyself, presume not God to scan,
The proper study of mankind is man.

245
and j^yery thing in it *, have, I am sorry
tp say, induced some unthinking persons
to > doubt the validity of certain points in
religion f which constitute our chief hap
piness in this world, and can alone con
duct us to happiness hereafter. Religion,
now-a-days, is much put of fashion. But
I confess I am not ashamed to owrrthat I
am old-fashioned enough to have some
religion in me, and glory in an ardent, un
shaken belief in God. Yet at the same
Jime that I view the atheist with abbor-
ence %, I despise the superstitious bigot,
* Who knows but he, whose hand the lightning
forms,
Who heaves Old Ocean, and who wings the
t.i, storms.
\ t Reason, to think of God when she pretends,
Begins a censor, an adorer ends,
X I never heard of one of these "men who had ridi
culed every thing serious, when on their death-bed,.
R 3

246
I have read the Works of these half-
enlightened exotic philosophers, who
spring up from the feces of human cor
ruption, are bred in the hot-bed of athe
ism, and are fostered by wickedness and
depravity; these Ark-wright, literary,
spinning jennies, who spend their time in
spreading cobwebs to catch the waver
ing flies ; these turnspits, who, in the
metaphysical wheel, turn the spit of con
jecture, while they emit the fumes of a
distempered imagination, and the va
pours of a sickly brain ; — who think
that they have travelled far in philoso
phy ; but, like the dog in the wheel, end
"where they began. They have not brcughl
* .
me over to" their no-faith, nor have they,
\- ih the slightest degree, shaken my belief:

and apprised of their approaching dissolution, who did
not make a tvatrrv end ." "

24;
Stronger toils must they spread to en
tangle me. The little finger of common
sense, by one shigle movement, wipes
away such cobweb films; which for an
instant may dazzle, but never can. blind
the true and perfect vision.
^.If one .of these men were to ask me
how I know that there is a God, I
would give him for answer the words of
the poor ignorant Arab of the desert ;
Who, when asked that question by one pf
these metaphysical turnspits in philoso
phy, replied, " In the .sariie way that, J
am able to tell, by the print impressed
on the sand, whether it was a man or a
beast which had passed that w^j" I
should like to be informed by one of
these philosophers, what confines the sun
between the tropics. It is not to be ac-
o t ,..-¦- ; 7.- bn~
counted for by any philosophical hypo-'
R 4

243
thesis. He Who walks daily in the great
-temple of Nature, and contemplates her
Wondrous works, wants no assistance to
assure him of the existence of a Creator :
his wondrous works all nature proclaims
aloud ; it is conspicuous to every one,
and is known even to the blind ; for,
though deprived of sight, they feel the
warmth of the sun ; and the untutored
Indian sees God in the clouds, and
hears him in the winds. We cannot
even draw our breath without conviction.
How fated to misery is that nation, go
verned by a king, who fears not a future
state of remuneration ! there is hardly any
excess, cruelty, or oppression, of which he
may not be guilty.
It is not possible to keep society toge
ther without religion: such is my irre
vocable Opinion. But I certainly am no
l

249
bigot: "and I have ever thought that there-
is a wide difference between priestcraft,
andtreligion. Nor does any one see the
folly of superstition in a more ridiculous
point of view than myself. Nor am I
one of ! those hypocritical psalm-singing
repentants, who, conscious of the infa
mies they have committed in their more
early days, think for certain, that, to
insure their. future and eternal happiness,
it is necessary to set apart so many hours
in the day to prayer and hymning. One
self-approving hour far outweighs whole
years of Tabernacle prayer and Taber
nacle praise.
The mens conscia recti is a surer guide
to happiness hereafter, than all the formu
laries; that have ever been ^established. I
know the: use and the/necessity of public

250'
worship; but the daily attendance ' at d
parish-church will be of little avail; both
for this world and that which is to come,
if we do not contrive to establish a chapel
of ease in our own breast. There I learn,
from the preachings of Conscience, an
heavenly-gifted orator, ordained to "its
holy work by God himself, that it is my
duty, as it is my inclination, to support
and plead the cause of seduced, deserted,
and miserable woman.
2, Is there a man so base and so unfeel
ing, who walks the streets of this metro
polis at late hours, without feeling the
utmost pity and compassion for the mise
rable objects whom they behold taking up
their -night's lodging on some dunghill,
or under gateways, waiting for the early
opening in the morn of some noxious

251
gin-shop, their sole and only residence
or abode, whilst the vile seducer, at that
moment, revels in every luxury of life?
Amongst the lower order of people,
though highly culpable, yet the seducing
a virgin, and turning her adrift on -the
wide world . without any maintenance'
whatever, and absolutely compelling her.
to prostitute herself in the public streets
to satisfy the calls of hunger, is more easy
to be accounted for : but in respect to the
gentleman of education and fortune, th^re
is no palliation or the smallest excuse for
the crime, and the infamy is increased an
hundred fold. Yet, how many womendoT
know, who have been seduced by suchmeri,
and prevailed on to quit theiF parents and
desert an hospitable home, with every as-j
surance oftthe tenderest regard and pro-;
tection ! Some have not, to my know-

232
ledge,; even scrupled to offer matrimony
to accomplish their treacherous designs-r^
that nuptial bait so calculated to lead a
fond and doating woman to the arms of the
seducer : yet, after all, and every promise
of the most tender and sacred nature,
they have taken, the lovely, all-credulous
fair one to some common brothel, where;
after having gratified their barbarous pas
sion, they have left her to the power of a
mercenary, unrelenting, infernal procur
ess : she is soon. brought in debt. to the
Lady Abbess, who i threatens to send hef
tp prison, or to turn her into the streets;
unless she j consents , to her infamous de-:
signs. To her parents she cannot return;
Deserted by the man on whom she has
placed her affections, and in whom,fshe
had reposed the utmost confidence, she
has, no alternative : a prison> famine, or
prostitution await her. Of these three

253
cruel evils, the wretched being chooses
that which appears to her, to be the least ;
and nought remains for her but to become
the victim of despair, or to seek for refuge
from the pangs of her bosom, in a life of
profligacy and intemperance : painful dis
ease, and confirmed depravity, too often
close the scene. Some few, before they
arrive at this miserable situation, have
found protecting friends, who have pro
vided them with a comfortable home, and
restored them to comparative happiness :
but, after all, they are but few indeed,
when compared with the thousands, who
sink by degrees into the lowest gulph of
prostitution and infamy. Alas ! how
many of those who have rolled along the
streets of London in their elegant equipage,
who have been decked in golden array,
and were finest at everv fine show, have

234
closed their short lives in a workhouse or
ah hospital!
Can any man professing Christian mo
rality, or even professing nothing more'
than the character of a gentleman, reeon- '
rile such deeds to his mind? Is there a
man so unfeeling, so destitute of principle:
as to enjoy one moment's sound repose
on his pillow, when he reflects that some
poor, wretched female, once fair and beau
teous, though now no longer an object of
desire, is reduced to the most miserable
condition, by his base seduction and per
jured vows ? Perhaps she has not abed
of straw on which to repose her weak and
wearylimbs. Destitute of food, with scarce ;
a garment to protect her from the pier-
cirig cold, and courting the lust of the
lowest- vagabond or midnight robber for '

2,5,5
.a momentary subsistence," it is her final'
allotment to curse her seducer and tp.
die. Yet such men there are, who dare
tp r walk the' streets in open* day,, and
arrogate to themselves the . character
-.' .-¦¦*)• tu .» < . I.-. .....
©f men of honour and of gentlemen ; nay
more, would attempt to cut the throat of
anv one who even suspects them of a conr
trary conduct. ^ Monster ! for man thou
art not, if perchance thou shouldst cast.
thine eye on these pages, thou perjured,,,
b^se, and infamous wretch, I hurl my con- ,
tempt and execration at thee ! But you de-;
serve, much'more from the injured fair
one; vengeance, nay death, inflicted byher ,
hapd, would be but a just atonement £px^
her sufferings ; and were she to. .stab. thee.,
to ,jthe heart, and give .freedom, to thysqul^
to, quit its cursed abode, and fly thy base,
inhu map trunk, it js, np mpre than thou ,
3

£50
Slightest expect, though it would be-*%
punishment inadequate to thy crime. ?^fe
* ,To prove!, therefore, that you have, in
reality, some spark of honour, some sense
of crime, hasten, ere it be too late, to>
atone, by future charity and kindness, fou
thy past offence. Go, seek the deserted
fair one far and wide, whom, thou hast
seduced and forsaken, and, by a generous
conduct in future, make all the satisfae-*
tion in thy power for thy horrid infamy;
But if thy cankered heart is hardened in
misdeed, go, boast the number thou hast
debauched and abandoned, and sacrifice
fresh victims to thy infernal passions. But
know, that injured virtue will be avenged;
anofhe? world has its punishments pre
pared for wretches such as thou art. Sa
tan, at thy entry into his dominions, shall

•jSay-thee homage ; while the inferior de
mons shall greet thee with the fraternal
kiss, and make thee partakers of their
destiny. Be not troubled with any alarm
at the posthumous reproaches of this world
after death ; I will insure thet the praises
of posterity. Half a dozen seven-shilling
pieces shall purchase thee as many para
graphs in the pubhc papers, which shall
hold thee up to the admiring multitude as
a paragon of virtue, and an example for
the age in which thou hast lived ; and
who will dare to contradict the assertions
of those authentic, candid, and impartial
repositories of the current events of the
World }
But what am I writing ? If your heart
is sfr hardened, if you are so lost to all
sensibility of what is truly honourable in
the human character, you will laugh at
VOL. II. s

258
the opinion of the world : and if, in a mo*-
ment of returning virtue, you should repair,
to the utmost of your power, the wrongs
which you have done, you will secure
the favour of all those whose approval is
honour, and whose friendship is happiness.
To err is in the nature of man, but to per
severe in error, in spite of the dictates of
honour, the suggestions of conscience, and
the precepts of religion, belongs only ,to
the votaries of the devil. — This is a very
momentous Concern, in which we are all
deeply interested : I beseech you, there
fore, ye gallant, gay Lotharios of the age,
to look to it.
Before I shall propose any method
by which lovely woman may be more
protected than she is at present, I
shall state the justice of the law of
the land, by which every man may oh-

.25§
tain* hot only redress, but heavy damages,
"¦ fforh the: person who does him ah injury,
tf donees' bis character, or vilifies hiiri so as
to affect his worldly interest. •'¦ If a nibble-
c'wfeh or pMvate gentleniafi is vilified ofTi-
belledy the law giVes hifri aniple redress
" by heavy damages. If a tradesrtiari is vi
lified or libelled, he prosecutes, and the1
T&w gives' him dafhagCS according to the
injury hei is supposed to have received, Of
tiiay receive, relative to his trade. "Un-
¦ married women of JMshlon have received
" heavy damage's* •"'•' for scandalPiis para
graphs afgainst them' even in' the news-'
papers : men and women of all descrip-*
tiohs have redress open to them from thb
Ia#of the land,- except the mueht3ti> be

3iom. "id vr-m is».iiv:^r.'.w».ro'; d-v'rfw

vu

1 *lMri>.:T.?ttersall paid 40001.. dafclages fotj.a pafa-
|iaph in the ..newspaper, pf which .he w^s .proprietor,
though he never knew it was inserted until he arrived
-¦'k' WGl ..'Si^,;....'^',. ii;;.'- ¦"," vq 'r--r.i -:-.'¦¦
iromMns country-house. " »• .......
S 2

26o
pitied seduced and abandoned fair one*
Whose injury is by far the greatest, that
man or woman can sustain. As;for.th$
nobleman or gentleman, when the asper
sions on his character are cleared up in
public court, it is sufficient to his honour j
the fining or imprisonment of the libeller
is but of little consequence to him ; the
verdict of a jury sets all right between hirp)
and the world.
.>-:->' --
,, Before I mention the actual and only
redress that a woman who has been se^
duced^nd abandoned can obtain from a
court of justice, I will ask a few questions
of those barristers who are in the most
constant habits pf pleading at the bar, from
the celebrity of their talents and oratory.
Dp they often receive a brief to plead the
cause of a woman who prosecutes for the
non-compliance in a promise of matri-

261
moriy, and" at the same time acknbw*
ledges, that, in consequence of that pro-^
mise, she has given up her person to the
defendant ? I believe they will not ansWCt
me in the affirmative. * Let us therefore:
examine what redress a woman, in such a
Situation, can obtain in a court of justice!
I never yet heard of a woman appearing
to prosecute for a non-compliance of mar
riage, who instructed her counsel, in his;
pleadings, to state, that on the defendant's
promising her marriage; she yielded Wnis
wishes, d I am of Opinion thafher cpuii-
sei would advise her to keep that pkrt of
the history to herself. - But might not
the opposite counsel, on cross-examina
tion, inquire whether she had ever sub
mitted her person to the defendant '?' And
might it not be ohserWd, with some de
gree of effect, to the jury, that it Would
bafebeen rhore prudent to have gone tb
S 3

262
church first, and then have consummated
the nuptials ? What charge would a judge
give to the jury on such an occasion ? and
What damages would they give to such a
Woman ? The action, I fear, would be
soon got rid of, and I have my doubts
whether or not she might not be told that
she was an impudent hussey for demand
ing damages for a breach of promise of
marriage, wben she had wantonly put
herself in a situation in which it would
have been disgraceful in any man to have
fulfilled it,
s^'-But a greater misfortune attends the
incautious,0 credulous, unsuspicious fair
one, who, from real affection, and know
ing the sincerity of her own heart, suspects
neither deceit or perjury from her seducer.
She has no witnesses to bring forward to
attest his perjured promises: before Hea-

263
ven, and in secret, those vows were made t*
she,, therefore has .not, nor can she have
r/fdress, i But I must, at the same time,
beg leave tp ask, if a woman is seduced
and abandoned, is not the injury done to
her greater than the libelling or vilifying
the character of a gentleman or a trades
man ? Yet they have ample redress : the
gentleman, when his character is cleared
up, suffers not in the least,' and has the
pleasing gratification, in all companies
where he goes, of being complimented and
congratulated on the honesty of his con
duct, every one deprecating the villany
of the assassin of his character. The
tradesman even benefits from the false
aspersion ; for, such is the natural com
passion of mankind, that many are induced
tp deal with an injured, honest man, who
pthei wise would not have thought about
him, or, perhaps, have ever heard of him.
s 4

264
But where does the kind, incautious, ao4
affectionate woman find redress? No^
where. If, indeed,, in addition to the
heart-breaking misery of being thus aban
doned, she should have the additional mi
sery of being with child, she may certainly
swear the child to the seducer, and com-!
pel him to pay forty pounds to the parish,
who will take care of the infant, if she
chooses to part with it ; but it must be an
unnatural mother who does not wish to
have the care of her own offspring. In
this place, I believe I am correct, the pa
rish will only allow her at most three
shillings per week.. Thus the infernal
perjured miscreant gets rid of the woman
and the child.; for she cannot compel him
to give her any maintenance. Thus, de
serted by her friends, and forsaken by
him, she is left to make her way in the
world as well as she can. Many, it can-!

265
not be denied, are compelled, from im*
pending starvation, to seek the means of
satisfying hunger by prostitution ; but they
are very few indeed, when compared with
the great family of women who are sup
ported by it,
In former days, every unmarried wo
man who had a child was compelled to
stand publicly in the church, hi a white
sheet ; but the shame and exposure of
this punishment frequently produced the
most unnatural of crimes, as the terror
of such a public exposition was the cause
of many women murdering their chil
dren, for which reason that fatal ceremd'-
ny is now altogether omitted : neverthe
less, the unfeeling and censorious part of
the world deride and censure a womaft
who has had this misfortune. They,*
alas! never look into their own conduct,

266
hut are ever greedy to slander others j
and yet people with such a disposition go
to church constantly, and dare call them
selves Christians ; but little do they imi
tate or think of the all-forgiving love and
kindness of the Author of their religion,
who even pardoned, the woman taken
in adultery.
, Before I give any opinion how these
unfortunate and injured women might be
redressed and protected, I will relate three
instances pf villany perpetrated by unfeel
ing monsters, which, within a. few years,
have come to my knowledge, and I
pledge my honour to, the truth qf them.
A- young fwpman, the daughter of a
reputable .tradesman, happened to;>gain
the friendship of the daughter of a% gen
tleman of wealth and consequence, and

26?
suGh were her amiable manners, that the
parents of the young lady were induced to
take her into their house and complete her
education. There an officer persuaded her
by the usual arts, and a most solemn pro
mise of marriage, to elope with him to the
Isle of Wight. But he remained only one
night with her ; and, without giving her
the least suspicion of his intentions, went
on board the fleet then lying at Spithead
under sailing orders for the West Indies.
When she arose in the morning,' and in
quired after her lover, the waiter of the
inn informed her that the gentleman" had
taken his trunk away with him, and 'was
goneTn a boat on board the fleet at Spit
head. At the same time he informed her
that every thing was paid in? the house,
supposing her, from the conduct of this
ruffian, to be a woman of pleasure.'11

268
, *• I need not tell the reader the distrac
tion and misery of mind i she must have
suffered. , Having quitted her parents and
her protectors, where she was educated,
to them she could not 'return ; and, in
this wretched i situation, f she knew not
what step to take, or what measure to
pursue. At length she recollected that
two young ladies, with whom she had
been in the strictest habits of friendship,
lived not far from the place of her misery.
She wrote to them, requesting they would
be so kind as to call on her; at the same
time informing them in general terms,
that, from some unforeseen and extraor-:
dinary events, she was in the greatest dis
tress:: : They- immediately came to her,
when she related to them the whole of
her . misfortune. n/.These excellentftgiris
went home to their father, and told him-
the: whole history. £ That worthy -man

26g
instantly took her to his own chouse,
treated her with the utmost affection and
tenderness, soothed her sorrows, and af
ter a certain time,. the affair being.known
pnly to his family, he reconciled her pa
rents to her, and restored her to them.—
The villainous miscreant of a seducer died
of the yellow fever shortly after his arri
val in the West Indies. <;n; >
j My next history is of a girl, the daugh
ter of a reputable tradesman in a country
town, who had for two or three years
lived as lady's maid in a genteel family in
the -neighbourhood. . . An officer in one of
his Majesty's regiments prevailed on this
girl to quit her place, with every promise
Qf protection, and to live with him.
When she had been with him onlytwenty-r,
four hours, the father, being informed of
her elopement, made a diligent search after

2/0
her throughout * the quarters of tbe regi*
merit; but her seducer concealed hef so
as to elude the vigilance of her father,
and sent hef with a soldier's wife to an
inn in London, assuring her that] as soon
as his duty would permit him, he would
follow hef. Four days after, he sent her
four guineas, and told her by letter that
it was impossible for him to live with
ber; for, if his parents should discovet the
connection, it would prove his ruin. ' I
-ai#of epinion, that, injustice, they should
have discarded him for ever for so base a
conduct towards the woman he had thus
sedueed^arfd deserted."'- 1 most solemnly
declare, that T would make a son? of
-mine, if I had one, allow a woman in
-this- predicament an: ;ample maintenance,
according £o his power,; or I would dis
inherit him for ever. c By the greatest
chance in the world, the wife of an officer

2; i
in the navy came up from Chatham to thte
.same >hm, when, observing this girl, ex
tremely miserable, she prevailed on her
to disclose her- distress, and this amiable
and generous woman took her into her own
family. She has since, as I have been in
formed, married an officer in the navy.
It is hut an act of justice to mentioh,
in this place, how kind, affectionate, and
.generous the gallant tar is to woman.
There is scarcely an instance of a i sailor
deserting a woman, or using her ill.
Rough at sea as the boisterous billows,
unconquerable they ride over the fpamj-
ing surge, and, masters of the waves, to
woman, and to woman only, do fchey
own subjection. They know the valoi6
of the loveliest part of human nature,
.and treat them as they deserve, with ho-
jKrtsr, jBtHcerifcy, and protection. Would
3

272
I could say the same in general of .their
brethren in war! But with sorrow do
I relate, that many seek as much to ruin
a woman, as others seek a civic Crown;
and regard every virgin sacrificed to their,
infernal lust, as a fresh laurel on their
brow. Nor are there a few who fepl as
little remorse in turning a woman, on the
town, as in turning a horse for the win
ter, to save expence, on a common. J
am no friend to an increase of penal sta
tutes; we have enough of them. Yet I
should wish to see another, w^h heavy
punishments^ for female seduction, added
tp the number.
The third, and lasf instance of the base*
ness and villany of man towards woman,
with which I shall trouble the reader, al
though I could give fifty more; is of a
seryant girl who, lived with a woman- that

273
was kept by ah opulent citizen. He vi
sited this woman for Some months, al
lowed her an income, which was paid her
punctually every week; but he never let
her know his name, arid desired she riever
would ask who he Was. This is a con
stant practice^ amongst citizens who are
not known at ithe west end of the town :
fiay more, they often pass by fictitious
names ; it is their Constant practice ; arid
there are many women at this moment
Who are surriptuously maintained by mer
chants, Whose real name they never
know, and Whose interest it is riot to
know it ; for, if these delicate factors
should suspect that they were discovered,
it is an hundred to one if they ever en
tered the house again.
This honest citizen at last tPok a fan-
^' to- the servant, prevailed on her to quit
VOL. II. T

274
her mistress and take an apartment, promis
ing to maintain her in comfort and inde
pendence : the girl yielded to his wishes ;
and tbe following morning he quitted her
altogether, and left her to pay the lodg
ing. Let me soberly and seriously ask my
readers what they ^Mnk of these three
miscreants ? My opinion is, that they me
rit: the gallows ; but so, alas ! it is, that,
in-a country renowned for the wisdom of
its legislature, there is no law that can
reach them.
- I shall now propose the outlines of; a
remedy, to prevent such inhuman mon
sters from perpetrating their acts ¦_ of jin-
famy, at the expence and ruin of too cre
dulous, confiding woman. It certainly is
in the power of the legislature tp> afford

' -4U- i b
-tlie; sex « more protection ; arid" it 'is1 -iffy
prayer to Heaven, that some true lover of
them, now in Parliament, may undertake
their cause. I ^pledge myself,oif ever I
should have the honour of a seat in the
House of Commons, to consult someSbf
the most able men in this country, in or
der t& bring forward a bill for the better
protection of woman, and to afford relief
mrd maintenance to a female, seduced arid
abandoned by any faithless and unfeeiirig
man : and I trust, that, in such 'a just, huA
mane, and laudable design, I shouldfiad
a warm and animated support,^ both r4n
the hearts and voices of a great and com-
aiandrttg majority of the British senate!
-fl Jam conscious of my own inability to
ft«ftie"a law fb^tfee- prevention of such
abUfee^jf therefore T shall only give the
PWliries; 'trusting that some genefous; arid
T 2

276
able senator will undertake the framing1
and completion of this grateful task. I
propose, therefore, that every man who
seduces a woman, if he does not marry
her, shall be compelled to give her a main
tenance, such as the legislature may judge
that she has a claim to receive, and the
man, according to his circumstances and
situation in life, is able to bestow. Not
that I would, by any means, wish that a
Woman's oath should alone convict a man,
and make him father a child, when she
has been connected with others, which she
may now do, and lay her infant to any
man whom she chooses -to pitch upon, al
though he pever has been within twenty
miles of her; a circumstance that has hap
pened to many men, and particularly to
an acquaintance of my own, who was
thus compelled to father his brother's. mis
deeds. I am sanctioned for washing to

¦277
.exclude a woman's oath without some
corroborating testimony, when I inforrii
the reader, that Madame La Chevaliere
d'Eon, J when she personated, for some
years, Le Chevalier d'Eori, had a ""child
sworn %ber;-^Sbbstantial proof should
be produced, the same as in cases of crim.
con.; and,T think, were the court to com
pel the seducer to maintain the woman, it
would be full "as laudable an act as' the
endeavour 'to make a man pay 13,000?.
for defiling the chaste bed of a taylor*.
v
It may be truly said, that many men could
not pay such damages, and must be cbii-
fined to a prison •"' but are not all those
who are found guilty of cri ni. conl^eoni-
pelled to pay the verdict, lie in prison/ or
' -¦*•' Damages were laid at 13,000?; tod'th[e --verdi?l
was;, y.ery., heavy, amounting to ; severgJ.iithousaj\d?.
Y/irh the specific sum I cannot charge my memory.,
T 3

278
nyAthe country ? Is not the one crime, -mo*
rally speaking, as great as the other ? fnr-
.,-; ni •; ,fi "^di
ooTo consider this matter further, I aril
certain it would considerably lessen the
number of those wretched women whom
we every night see roving the streets to
supply the necessaries of life, if man in
certain cases, arid in certain cases only/
(.which I have minutely spoken of in my
chapter on Matrimony and Polygamy,)
were permitted to marry a second^ wife
during the life of the former. To the
abovermentioned chapter I refer the reader
for my reasons, which are stated at a con
siderable length. I am confident, if these
two regulations were enforced, and per
mitted by the legislature, that in a very
few years prostitution would lose one half
of its wretched victims. The Magdalen,

Foundling Hospital, and other charities,
are laudable institutions: but,' in effect,
they are no more than attempting to lave
the River Thames with hand-buckets ; you
must strike at the fountain-head, to dry
up the stream,
n; Having spoken so fully of the detesta
tion and abhorrence in which I hold the
©crane' of seducing and abandoning wo
men; injustice to myself/andfor my Own
satisfaction, and particularly on account of
that respect I so truly profess for all cen
sorious old maids, church-going nypo-
crites, arid pious, regenerated, methodist ical
sinners ; as well as to save them the trou
ble of making any pleasant remarks rela
tive to my conduct in this instance, I here
most solemnly, and in the face of Heaven,
declare, that I never >¦ seduced a virgin in
my life. I confess that my poverty has.
t 4

280
sometimes been the cause of my never.
having committed such an act, because I
have ever conscientiously held it the
greatest of crimes to seduce a woman,
without making a suitable provision
for her.
Reader, thou mayest say that I have 'no
great virtue to boast of, and that my cha
racter is not distinguished by any pre-emi
nent morality. I do not claim the distinct
tion : but truth I claim ; and God, who
reads my heart, knows the truth of the
assertion I have just made; the fact is so.
— Arid here let the chapter close;

281

CHAPTER IV*.
History of the King's Benchi'
JL he real and true state of this prison,
and the misery and distress that prisoners
suffer in it, are very little known to the
worid in general. , It is the public opinion>
that no persons surrender to the King's
Bench but such who have money in their
possession which their creditors cannpt lay
hold of, so that they are enabled to live
there in some degree of comfort : that it
is a place of mirth, festivity, and joy:
that no prisoner is in want ; and that, in
general, those who surrender themselves
only go there till a proper arrangement of
their affairs can be accomplished. I have
proof positive to the contrary. It is high-

282
ly worthy the attention of our legislature
to see that the subject, restrained in the
greatest blessing of life, his liberty,
should not be in want of what is abso
lutely necessary to prevent the corruption
and consequent destruction of the soul.
The legislators possess a protection1 j of
their persons; and it becomes a duty in
them to preserve their constituents from
an oppressive deprivation of their per
sonal liberty.
, This prison rivals the purlieus of Wap-
ping, St. Giles's, and St. James's, in vice,
drunkenness, and debauchery ; and. set-
ing aside the indulgence of unnatural pro
pensities, may be said to out-Herod So
dom and Gomorrah. Unless a man be of
a certain age, of a bold and firm mind,
and of undaunted resolution to bear with
fortitude and manly dignity the oppres-

283
sion and heart-breaking agonies he suf
fers from his persecutors, he soon' sinks
into drunkenness arid dissipation ; and,
what is worse, loses every sense of ho
nour and dignity of sentiment— -every mo
ral principle and virtuous disposition;
with which he may enter these walls-^
from the immoral contagion that is to be
found in them. This contagion is so
gnea,t/ithat, like the plague or the yellow
fever, if he does not separate himself from
the multitude, and live alone, which, un
der his circumstances, he must be more
than man to do, or contrive to associate
with those alone, for Such there are, who
bring honour and gentlemanly manners
with them into their confinement, which
is no very easy matter, j he soon will'be
contaminated, and be lost to himself,* to
his friends, arid to the world for ever.
-w.o'to r> , w.rrewj. s^o-r-.r ^fB'.;>j>fjiijip}:

2S4

The very air of the place is enough to
infect a weak and f afflicted" mind ; if its
virtue should be able to preserve^ it from
tbe despair which presents itself to many,
on their passing the gates, ¦which are bar
ed by an unfeeling creditor; or to'^support
the severity of the laws, and the unfeeling
conduct of the fattening ministers of them.
1 With respect to the women to whose
lot it has fallen to be doomed to this mi
serable and corrupting abode, those who
are good become bad, and those who are
bad become worse. No unhappy and
unfortunate female ever did, nor do I be^
lieve ever will, quit this seat of contami
nation "without the most degrading, if not
fatal, effects of Such a situation.- Nay, if
Biani and her nymphs, frdrii not bein^-
aMe to pay the' penalties for an accidental

285
breach of the game-daws, were to be -con
fined one twelvemonth in the Bench, un
less they were locked up in the strong
stone-room,, they would be completely
fitted for tlie associates or attendants on
the Paphos Queen, and perhaps in a state
to furnish a set of game-keepers for the
ladies of manors in that delightful island :
for Messalina never stole from Claudius
Cajsar's bed to greater scenes of revelling
than is practised and enjoyed within these
wanton walls.
There are within them from three
hundred and fifty to five hundred prison
ers, out of which number, I can with
truth assert, there are very seldom fifty
of this melancholy number who have
any regular means of sustenance. I do
not mean to say that prisoners have ever
been absolutely starved to death ; but this
3

280
I positively assert, tthat numbers of tlie
lower order, and many officers confined
some-? even for small debts under fifty
pounds *, who have served their country
with gallantry and fidelity, and have bled
in her defence, have often gone a whole
week with not above three or four meals
of victuals; nay more, have frequently
been destitute of a penny to buy* them a
roll of bread for breakfast, in The comfort
of appeasing hunger is too- great a luxury
for a confined debtor to be sure of enjoy
ing. And if a creditor, in this boasted
land of liberty, were compelled to allow
his debtor in prison one good meal of vic
tuals a-day, it would, I doubt ript, be ex-*
claimed against asan horrid act of compul
sory injustice. " No ; he owes me monev ;

* I shall speak hereafter of officers "confined for
small debts.

$87
ipjpriseffiKhe shall < go ; and, when he is
J&e^ (Whether- he starves or not is no con
cern of mine. "n I call on the supreme just
ice of Heaven to determine, whether, irt a
land which boasts so loudly of its liberty,
of the justice of its laws, and the lenity of
H&gosvanament, or in any other land-— whe
ther; Tjjsay, it is just, that, because 1 have
been: extravagant and imprudent, or even
if I have done worse, that because I am
a-debtor, I should suffer the most search
ing* (©t6 all penalties, that of hunger?- Is it
not sufficient atonerrient to the injured
creditor to deprive me of my liberty1?
but must he starve me also ?>'Am 1 also
to be deprived of the sixpence a-day, at1
best a miserable pittance, which the law-
of my country gives me, by thet,petty-
fogging reptile, ycleped an attorney,
who, by some quirk or quibble, or liti-
gious oath or process, can, for -near*

2188
twelve months, prevent the prisoner footii
receiving the allowance which the law of
the land intended should be paid hiriirin-
stantly on his Committal, to keep hini
from starving ? Just Heaven! shower
down thy. vengeance, I beseech thee, on
all such infamous and inhuman oppressors
of their fellow- creatures ! or soften their
hearts, and turn them from deeds of
cruelty and oppression i
If a prisoner be arrested, and surrenders
to the King's Bench in the month of- June,
after the term is over, there being no term
till the next November, during a period
of near five months, he may starve ; for,
until the Court is sitting, he cannot apply
a for his groats; but when November ar
rives, and' he applies for them, then the
attorney may, by a litigious process,. pre
vent hkn from recovering the miserable

2gg
boon until the following May. Many
prisoners, during the five months of this
long vacation, have suffered cruelly, and
some would have absolutely starved, if it
had not been for the generosity of some
gentlemen, who themselves are prisoners,
and have it-in their power to contribute
to the wants of the wretched sufferer.
vMaay gentlemen, as well as others of su
perior stations in life, for several weeks,
have, to my knowledge, for successive
days, never known what it was to enjoy
one good meal.
Nor is <this all : from the scanty fare,
and irregularity of their diet, they fre
quently contract diseases, which they have
carried, with them to their graves, and
made them miserable objects during their
lives. One gentleman, who, if he had
justice done him, would be worth from
vol. u. u

200
thiEty-five to fifty thousand pounds, during
four months was not able to purchase
any other aliment than a cask of sea bis
cuit, with some brown tea and treacle.
From the bad quality of the biscuit, he
was seized with a violent ? bowel com
plaint, from which he with difficulty re
covered. f'During his illness, his humane
relations, who, by a suit in Chancery, had
thrown him into prison, sent to the prison
dopr, every other day, to know if he was
dead ; but never came near him, or sent
|um any relief. Providence has spared his
life, I trust, to enable him to punish such
inhuman monsters.
U,:Bui, supposing every prisoner to receive
Sixpence per day from his creditor, I will
'aesk-.JDne simple question; will any riian
venture to; assert that a man can live on
snchaistipend ? What can he purchase tor

'291
it? Let those who make this law try,
only for one day, what they can purchase
for such a sum, and they will find that
they will go to bed both hungry and
thirsty, unless they drink water; for a
sufficient quantity of bread and small beer
cannot be purchased for that money to
satisfy their appetite and their thirst.
The author was confined in the year
1798, and speaks of the price of provisions
atthat period, when they were above a
third cheaper than at present. What can
a- prisoner buy now, in 1801, for six
pence, when even bread is at twenty-
pence the quartern loaf, and all provisions
bear a proportionate exorbitance ? I shall
endeavour to make a calculation of what
a prisoner may purchase for sixpence.
The quartern loaf weighs four pounds five
ounces, and is at twenty-pence; beer at
U 2

2Q2
four-pence the quart: one pint of porter
at two-pence, and one pound of bread at
four-pence farthingvthe pound, costs six>
pence farthing. .-. By this calculation, a pri
soner cannot purchase one pound of bread
and one pint of porter per day. Meat is
totally out of the question : one meal per
day of bread and meat is too great a luxury
for a debtor to enjoy. I will- ask any
unfeeling church-going hypocrite, when
he lifts his sanctified eyes to heaven, and
repeats that petition, in the most beautiful
of all prayers, " Give us this day our daily
bread," when, at that very time, he is
starving his debtor ; I will ask him how
he dare supplicate that just Being, Who
declared that he will shut the gates pf
heaven against such as refuse -to visit
those who are sick and in prison?
; I know it is -ttudtswith justip©yLth«t>a

, 293"
prisoner for debt is not tolive in prison -tit
the expence of his creditor. Certainly note
For some idle vagabonds would run in debt
on • purpose to be supported without la-;
bouring for their maintenance. But, in
return, I will ask, whether it is just he
should be 'starved ? But poverty is the
greatest of all crimes; therefore, in the
"fjfffgt instance, the law is more severe
against a debtor than a robber, a murderer,
or a catamite ; for they are taken before a
justice of thepeace, and sufficient cause must
be shewn, before they can be committed:
but a man may often be taken by a bailiff,
arid dragged to prison, on the false oath of a
villain, and deprived of the dearest blessing
in life, i his liberty. It is said, that if -la
it&aih be imprisoned falsely, he has suffi
cient redress {from the laws of the land.
I deny it; he has not : and, to validate my
-assertion,: I will state the extent of the
U 3

294
redress he can obtain. I could give3 more
than one hundred cases, full as grievous
and oppressive ; but, that I may not bear
too hard on the sensibility of my humane
readers, and, I hope, I shall have many of
them, I will content myself with the fol
lowing relation : —
A particular friend of mine, a gentle-
riiah of distinguished knowledge, science,
and philanthropy, and, but a few years
p'kst, member of parliament for one of the
most opulent counties in Ireland, was ar
rested for ariother person in the month of
July, just as the long vacation commeri-
ced, arid carried to the Bench. No term
C'oriimencing till November, he remained
iriprison near five months. The moment
the Court sat he was discharged, when
h^cdtririienced a prosecution against the
person' who had so long deprived him of

295,
his liberty : ] ,, but the prosecution was
scarcely begun -when the defendant be-.
came a pennyless bankrupt, and was him
self carried to the Fleet prison. What
redress can this gentleman have for- the
loss of his liberty for five months? He
cannot put this man in the pillory for
perjury, as the law does not allow it, be
cause it was not wilful : but if he could
be pilloried, is it any atonement to him for,
his sufferings to see this fellow stand for,
one hour with his head through a hole in,
a board at Charing-cross ? Would it: noj;
be more consistent with justice to prevent
such cruel, proceedings in the : first in?
stance? The felon in Newgate, and tbe
prisoner in the Penitentiary-house, Cold-
bath-fields, for high crimes and, misde-
meanors against the State, whatever his
sufferings may be in a solitary cell,, has
one. comfort — he knows not the pangs pf
U 4

290
{hunger : but the gentleman, the citizen,
the sailor, and the soldier, who may have
bled in their country's defence, oppressed
by sinful poverty, the worst of crimes, is
i allowed only sixpence per day for all his
Wants, and has not even a bed or fire
found him to rest his >wearied limbs or
warm his half-starved frame.
When any one surrenders to the King's
Bench, and has a command of money, he
can procure a room by paying his chum,
or chamber companion, out, as it is call
ed ; that is, by giving some poor man a
weekly sum to let him have the room , to
himself, toithe mutual convenience of
both : as the latter, for the sake of get-
ing a stipend to purchase food, i will be
content to get a lodging where he can
find it at a cheap rate, by sleeping ten or
twelve in a small room ; or without any

297
expence at all, by preferring a soft plank
in the tap-room, or a smooth stone ori a
stair-case. We who live in a land of liberty, who
! boast 1'of the justice and lenity of*our
laws, wlio profess Christianity, can we,
without remorse of conscience, reflect on
the miseries the oppressed debtor suffers ?
Can we pretend to possess any feeling and
any religion or humanity, and with indif
ference view one part of our fellow-crea
tures persecuted and half-starved by Un
feeling, remorseless creditors? I positively
assert, fearless of contradiction, that many
prisoners in the King's Bench have been
half-starved, and have contracted disor
ders, from lack "of sustenance, of which
they have died.
:-;; The law against debtors, and their «Af-

29.8
ferings in prison, cry aloud to Heaven
and^the Legislature for redress. I will,
frankly acknowledge it to be my indir
vidual opinion, that no person, in a coun
try of liberty, should be confined for debt,
who gives up his whole property to his
creditors. But the law having decreed it
otherwise, and lawyers fattening,. as they
do, on the fruits of it, I must leave it to
the future operations of justice and of
mercy. But why am I, because I am un
fortunately born a gentleman, liable to be.
deprived of my liberty throughout my
bfe, for the small sum of ten pounds;
which is a possible case, when, from the
rich merchant to the inferior trader who
keeps a green-stall, provided four-fifths
of, his creditors consent, can procure his
certificate of bankruptcy, without the rist
of imprisonment: while a gentleman, if
heowes^ ten thousand pounds, and can

299
pay only nine thousand nine hundred- and
ninety pounds, may', by one obdurate cre
ditor, be confined all his life, as an act -of
grace has not for many years involved so
large a sum. Would it not be just, at
least, to put the gentleman and the sol
dier on the same footing with a vender of
cabbages, or a cabbaging tailor ?
Many officers have been, and some now3
are, corifined in prison, who have offered'
their creditors a part in money, and good
security for the remainder at a distant
period: but they have been deaf to all
terms, imagining that they have rich re
lations or friends; who will come fofward;
and satisfy the whole at once. They
know little of human nature: nor does
afty man thoroughly know either his re
lations of his friends until he has once
been in prison. But I repeat mf opi-
4

300
nion, that, in a free country, there should
be no confinement of the person for debt ;
yet I would, have it made felony for any
person to secrete one shilling of his pro
perty, It is said, that, were there no law
to, confine a debtor's person, our trade
and commerce would suffer. It isi.no
such thing. There is no law in Scotland
to confine a debtor who gives up his pro
perty ; and has the trade of Edinburgh and
of Glasgow decreased ? I will not confine
my argument to this country. Look • to
Holland, a country where the true, inte
rests of trade and commerce are as well
understood as in England. There is no
law there to imprison a debtor ; yet Hol
land had arrived at its wealth and gran
deur by trade alone.
It must be allowed by every candid
person, that these arguments, in favour of

301
the personal liberty of the subject of this
country, are very forcible ; but yet I fear
there is a stronger reason against it, as a
considerable part of the expence incurred
to the debtor before he is imprisoaed, and
the processes carried on to bring the ac
tions against him to a judgment, from
the stamps and fees, &c. &c. form a con
siderable part of the revenue to Govern
ment, which, until a substitute is found;
it may not be judged prudent to annihi
late ; but, with my lack of brains, 1
would undertake to find one before to
morrow morning, uthat would * answer
every purpose of finance.* Such a mea
sure would also deprive one half of the
attornies of their iniquitous bready 'mois
tened with the tears of their miserable vic
tims, which might be considered by some
Machiavelian moralists as a crvins; act of
injustice.

302
Every term prisoners come from the
remotest parts of England to- surrender to
the King's Bench, not from choice, but
from compulsion. The process of the
law in this respect is unknown to the
public. I will state it. If a man is ar
rested three hundred miles from Londorf,
on a judgment, or taken in execution, he
is' carried to the county jail; but if lie is
arrested for a simple debt, and some
friend bails him, when the time arrives
that he must either pay the money or sur
render his person to prison, or fix his
friend with the debt who bailed him, he
cannot surrender to the county jail. Let
him be in the most distant part of Eng
land/' he must travel to London and sur
render there, and on foot, if he cannot
afford to pay for the conveyance of a
coach or a waggon.

303
n. One very singular instance I will relate,
pf a poor old man, between seventy :ap4
eighty years of age, who came all the way
from Cumberland on foot to surrender,
sooner than be so dishonest as to fix his
bail. : When he came to the door of the
King's Bench, he was bare-footed, and
holding his shoes and a small bundle of
clothes hung across a stick over his shoul
der. He shewed the door-keeper; a letter
from an attorney, stating his case, apd at
whose suit> he came to surrender. The
door-keeper told him, , according t.p(his
duty so to do, that , he could not permit
him to surrender; for, if he did, withput
undergoing the proper forms, that though
he was locked up there, if, the process was
not regularly performed, his friend;, who
hads bailed, b^nijf:( would be fixed with the
debt. The door-keeper very kindly or
dered one of the tipstaves to go over with

304
him to Chancery-lane, where having paid
the customary fees, and walked some hun
dreds of miles, he then marched over to
the King's Bench prison, and was received
in proper form within its walls.
Having stated this curious, though "a
very common process, relative to a debtor
surrendering to the King's Bench, I will
state a process of the law which takes
place after the prisoner has surrendered, of
which I had an example in my own affairs,
when a prisoner in this place. Amongst
the writs to which I surrendered myself
there, one of them was in the Court of
Common Pleas : the rest were in the Court
of King's Bench. Accordingly, on a sub
sequent day, that honest officer, Mr. Neave,
the door-keeper, came into my room, to
inform me that a Habeas Corpus was
served on me, to remove me to the Fleet

305.
Prispn, : Although J knew a good deal of
the process and, expences of the law for
debt, having paid some thousands for
my knowledge, I was ignorant of this
ceremony. 1 must confess I could not
view this process either as humane or just;
that being a prisoner, and after having,,
by the assistance of my friends, made my
self a little comfortable in one prison, J.
should be dragged to another. However,
being pf Dr. Pangloss's opinion, que tout
e$f pour le mieux, though the circum-
^tarjjce was sufficient to make another man
doubt of the fitness of things, and that, i^t
would, be of no benefit to fret and vex
myself about it, I asked Mr. Neave how
I should act in this case, as, from his situa
tion, he must be well informed of all such,
processes. He advised me, as the debt
was but a small one, to desire my lawyers
to settle it; which was done, and, I re-
vqj,, ii. x

3@6
rriained where I was. If Ihad not been
able to pay, I should have been taken to
the Fleet Prison, there surrendered, and,
after paying the fees of that prison, must
have taken an Habeas Corpus, to remove
myself back to the King's Bench. The
whole expence would have been about
seven pounds; and if I could not have pro
cured the money, I must have remained
in the Fleet. To this ease there is some
thing more attached than the expence of
bringing myself back by a Habeas Cprpus
to the Bench. By the kind assistance pf
my worthy and best friend, Jacob Wil
kinson, who was my bondsman to the mar
shal, I had procured the blessing of a li
berty to walk and enjoy the open air
within the boundaries of the King's Bench,
called the Rules. The expence incurred
on the bond to obtain the benefit of ;th,e
Rules, is ten pounds for the first hundred,

3b;
and four '-pounds for every other hundred
of the debt or debts for which you are
imprisoned. For instance, if a man is a
prisoner for four hundred, he must find
good security, and pay twenty-two pounds,
and so on in proportion for a larger debt.
Had I been carried over to the Fleet, and
there remained, I must have forfeited the
money' I had paid to obtain the liberty '"'of
the Rules of the Berich, and been closely
corifined, if riot able to procure money
toi pay the expences necessary to pro
cure the Rules of the Fleet : and, what is
mote singular, if there had been Severn of .
eightwrits, say any number,(for'it makes no
difference, in common, whether it bebne
or one hundred pleas against me,) I should
have been dragged there for every one of
them, and paid the same expences on each
and every writ as on orie, if I could ; and
if T could not, the expences v.ould have
X2

308
Iain against me in the Fleet, and I must
have discharged them before I could b«
liberated from prison, after settling with
my creditors.
I shall beg leave to mention another
singular fact. If a man surrenders to the
Fleet Prison instead of the King's Bench,
which is at his option, if he has but ene
writ against him in the Court of Common
Pleas, and one, eight, or eight hundred
writs, (it is all the same, though not the
same expence,) in the Court of King's
* Bench, against him, on every writ in the
Court of King's Bench he can be removed
to the King's Bench Prison from the Fleet.
This is ringing the changes with a ven
geance.. It is not sufficient that a prisoner
be confined, in one prison, but he must
-.hkc a shuttlecock, be thrown backwards
and forwards from one prispn to the other,

Sbg
with the distress of being put to consider^
able expence, in addition to all that he
iias^already sustained.1
A short time before I was discharged
frpm this place, two brothers were brought
up" from some distant part of the island,
arid surrendered * there. * '• They had been
eh^gfea1 in a law suit, in which they were
Cast. The person with wborn they had
been at law was so humane as not to
continue the process ; but the attorney
sent T them ! both ° to the King's ' Bench
fornthe costs of the^suit, amounting
%> something, above tw^ty^ounds. This
case1 may appear singular to the reader,
who fortunately is *notv informed of the
persecution "¦ practised on prisoners r* by
attornies: but I will inform them, and
*jf they doubt my assertions^* they may
- apply to the records of the King's Bench
X3

310
and Fleet Prisons, and they will find there
are many hundreds who are confined' for
the costs of suit to the lawyer, whose ori
ginal debt did not amount to ten pounds;
nay further, there are numbers now in
prison for debts originally amounting only
to the small sums of four, five, six, or
seven pounds. 'Ihese small debts have
been brought to a judgment by the at
torney, which attaches the person, the
moment the costs, jointly with the debt,
amount to above ten pounds, though the
debtor is able and willing to pay the ofigi-
, nal debt. Many have offered to pay even
a part of the costs : but, although the
original debt did not exceed five or six
pounds, they now are fixed in prison for
above twenty pounds, owing to the attor
ney not being willing to relax one shilling
of his demand for costs of suit in bringing
the debt to an execution.

311
I will give you an instance, relative to
myself, not only of the extravagant ex-
pence attending small debts under ten
pounds, but of the generosity and inte
grity of the honest tradesman. I built a
one-horse chair some years past ; the price
was; to the best of my recollection, be
tween -fifty and sixty pounds. The first
day I drove it for two hours, merely re
try it, and to have it properly hung : I
then left it a few days with the maker, to
regulate it ; and, before I took it away,
I paid one half of the price in money, and
gave a bill for the other half at a short
date, which was paid. However, I hap
pened to send the chaise back to be
screwed, up, and to have some trifling al
teration made, &c. the expence of which
amounted, to five pounds six shillings, or
six pounds five, I forget which. After
owing this trifle for a considerable space
x 4

312
of time, I was served with a Copy of a
writ : this was but a very few months
. before I surrendered to the King's Bench
prison, amongst a .variety of other de
mands of much greater amount, all of
which I paid before that horrid day, the
Morrow of All Souls, which is so fatal to
many bodies in the first week in Novem
ber. I had been out of towni for above
two months, and totally forgot that I had
been served with a copy of a writ for so
small a sum. In December following, a
sheriff's officer met me, who had often
times arrested me, and told me he had a
warrant .against me. I asked him why
he did not call at my house in the morn
ing early, that I might have gone out
with him and settled it, as it was then
hear my time of dinner. nHe gave me a
very satisfactory reason why he did not.
I asked him the sum it amounted to. " A

313
siraall sum, somewhat above twenty," he
replied. As it was rather late in the day,
and near dinner-tirne, I desired him to
call on me the next morning, and I would
settle it. t' • " I would with pleasure, Colo
nel," said he ; " but it is an execution.'''
" That is impossible !" I replied, " for I
have not signed any bond or warrant of
attorney to any peftson existing." — " I
assure you, Colonel," continued he, l( it
is an execution. You ought to know the
law, and what lawyers can do, for you
have paid enough to know it in your life
time." — " I now understand you," I re
plied ; " I suppose it is some small debt
under ten pounds, brought to a judgment
by the attorney." — " Exactly so." To
cut this matter very short, I went to my
friend Mr. Wright in Carey-street, and
surrendered to him. My agent very
kindly brought me the money to dis-

,314
charge the debt and costs, whidj amount
ed to above twenty-four pounds. Now,
if I had not been able to pay it, I must
iiave surrendered to the King's Bench or
Fleet, and there I might have lain until I
had rotted, unless I had paid the twenty-
four pounds ; for I have no reason to be
lieve that the attorney employed against
me would have dgviated from the line
adopted by his brethren, and have shewn
me any very distinguished favour.
I may here, I think, as well as in any
other page of this volume, inform the
world, that when I was making an ar
rangement with" my creditors, and they
had agreed to take a part in money, and; a
security in future for the remainder, the
particulars of which I have stated in an
other part of this Work, there was but
one attorney, out of the many employed
0

3 IS
against me, that would relax one shilling
of their costs. Although their clients were
-satisfied with a part, they would be paid
their whole demand; and sortie of the
costs to the attornies amounted to very
near as much as the original debt owing
to their clients. But this is in the ordi
nary way of the detestable profession
which they follow. But, notwithstand
ing ' all the injuries they have done me,
and are continually doing mankind, I
will prove my Christian charity by pre
senting them with their portrait from the
•sacred writings — " Ye are of your father
the devil ; and the works of your father
ye will do." Filial piety; perhaps, may
be their only virtue.
I desire it may be well understood, that!
-1 donof mean, in any serise whatever, to
apply this conduct to the higher orders c#

316
attornies and solicitors; who Would dis
dain to engage in low and base traffic;
though riot one of them is without one
of these low fellows in his service to do
the dirty Work which they must not ap-
pear to do for themselves. Whatever
they may do in the higher course of busi
ness, they disdain the comirion jog-trot of
Writ, declaration and judgment; ripf are
they linked with the pawn-broker^ silver
smith, ironmonger, &c. &c. who dis
count gentlemen's bills, giving a part in
money and the rest in goods, with four,
five, or six names indorsed ori the back of
the bill, and who purchase such bills from
these extortioners, in the hope that theper-
son who drew them will not be punctual
at the day the bill is due, so that be may
bring his action against the drawer of the
bill, and fnake him pay costs for every se
parate' rianie indorsed on the back of if.

317
..^ I shall, now proceed to relate an ex*
ample of extortion wbich I know to be
correctly true A lady in .the habit of
doing bills in the manner I have related,
issued a bill for eighty,, ninety, oranhunr
dred pounds, I forget which sum: this
bill, after passing through eight persons'
hands, pf course had as many indorse
ments, and . was purchased by one of
these miscreants. When the bill became
due she could not immediately pay it, and
he of course issued a writ against her :
her lawyer undertook, put in bail for ber,
^nd defended the action- When she
.came forward to pay the money, this hp-
nesfman charged her eight costs. ,.., \
vuuThis worthy member of society, who
dived in the Temple, is now dead, and
gone to the devil.. There being a. special
cause, to be tried in,: the infernal regions,

3*8
his infernal majesty could spare him rio
longer; but, in return for services per
formed,, he has made him' his attorney-
general *. On her* paying the wretch
his demand, she then informed him that
she would prosecute him for an usurious
transaction, and make him pay about fif
teen hundred pounds, which would be
the penalty of it, in return for his gene
rous and liberal conduct to her. But the
Devil, who has so greatly promoted him
in the other world, used to stand his
friend while he was in this ; and he help
ed, him out of the scrape in the following
manner : —
, This lady had a whimsical propensity
now and then, when in want of cash, to
* The attorney -general, in former times, was called
Diabolus Regis, or the King's Bull Dog. Vide a
book intitled * The Mirror of Magistrates."

310
borrow, some creditable person's rtarlie, in a
way wbich. is commonly ^called forging ;
and a bill of, hers was at this time in cir
culation, which this attorney had got into
his possession, with a distinguished no
bleman's name to it,, which she, in her
fr$e way, had written with her own fair
hano". , He accordingly took an early op
portunity to inform her, that a bill had
been offered to him for negociation,
drawn by her, and. accepted by a noble
man, for which, before he gave cash, as
persons of high rank were not, like their
inferiors, always punctual at the day of
payment, he requested to know , if she
had any objection to his calling on him
to ascertain that circumstance.,; The lady
replied, that the bill would certainly be
paid on the day it was due ; and that it
would be very intruding in him to trou-
ble the nobleman with a visit on any such

320
subject At length, however, our herd
in infarriy began to speak a little plainer
than he had hitherto done, arid frank*
]y told her that the bill was in his
possession, and that he knew she had
forged that nobleman's name. She then
threw herself on his mercy, and he gene
rously spared her life on her engaging not
to commence a prosecution against him
for his former infamous conduct. I am
not certain whether I am right or not as
to the law in such a case ; but I am in
clined to believe that this honourable and
humane attorney was guilty of com
pounding felony ;' but if he was, it is not
to be wondered at, as it was in the way
of his business.
As to myself, I cannot charge my me
mory with ever having paid more than
four costs on one bill of exchange, which

3-21
bas fallen into the barids of stieb bd*
fiourable pradtitioners of the law; which,
by the by, is tolerably reasonable. These
particulars are related in another part of
this Work ; I shall therefore proceed to the
misfortunes, hardships, and prosecutions
to which prisoners are subject, from un
feeling creditors, and their harpies ycleped
attornies, when ddomed to tbis prison.
To proceed — An acquaintance of mine was
committed to the King's Bench, in the
year 1794, for two debts, amounting to
upwards pf an hundred pounds, when he
gave up all his property, which was then
in Chancery, arid took the benefit of an
Act of Insolvency. In the year following
he was imprisoned again, for a debt of no
more than twenty-two pounds ; when he
applied for his sixpences, and was denied
them, on account of his having taken the
VOL. II. Y

322
benefit of a former act for the debt already
mentioned, and would have starved, had
not a subscription been made for him by
his friends, although he had property
coming to him which waited the de
cision of Chancery.
Since that period I have had nothing
further to observe : it may, however, be
remarked, that when a prisoner sues for
his sixpences, he must swear that he is not
worth five pounds, (I believe the oath is
now extended to ten ;) I will not posi
tively assert the actual expence the pri
soner must pay to obtain three shillings
and sixpence per week, for sometimes their
friends do it gratuitously; but where
it is paid for, as in many instances,
the following charges are near the
mark :- .

323

- - -

£.

s.

d.

For moving the Court " — *i

0

10

6

To the attorney, for attending at

the King's Bench —

0

6

8

For attendance at Weftminster

Hall — —
0
6
8
£
. 1
3
10
But these are not all the expences of
this process. He cannot appear at
Westminster Hall unless in the cus
tody of a tipstaff belonging to the King's
Bench^ who must also be paid for his
trouble : then he cannot put his nose
out of the prison without paying for
a day rule, the price of which, I believe,
is the same to him, or to anyprisoner who
Has taken the benefit of the Rules, and
wishes to go to town to transact business,
that is four shillings. I So not pledge
myself, in this one instance, to the cor
rectness of the charge, but, I believe, the
324
fee to the tipstaff is ten shillings ; thus
thirteen shillings are added to one pound
tbree, already incurred.
If it were not for the sufferings cf the
prisoner, this process, which a man must
undergo to obtain three shillings and six
pence per week to keep him from starv
ing, is so absurd and ridiculous that it
would be worthy of laughter ; for, that "a
prisoner should pay one single shilling to
obtain the scanty pittance from his cre
ditor of three shillings and sixpence per
week, is truly ludicrous. Althdugh it is
not in my nature to sport With the feel
ings and sufferings of the oppressed, yet I
am at liberty to laugh heartily at a pro
cess of law, I mean, (reader, do not mis
construe my words,) the law of attornies
relative to the charges they have made to
their clients, at whose suit a prisoner is

325
confined. • Every Monday evening, befose
the clock strides nine, three shillings and .
' . ' ';:>r7 ' '"''.:: -.;'-r - ,-¦¦'¦
sixpence must be deposited in the hands
pf the door-keeper for the use of the pri
soner; in -which payment if the creditor
or his attorney is deficient, the action is
supersedable, and the prisoner is dis
charged. Now, I do assert positively,
that ^many attornies have charged their
clients three shillings and four-pence, or
six shillings and eight-pence, for sending
their clerk, or going once to the Bench
themselves, to pay the three shillings and
sixpence, This, reader, you will readily
believe, when you know that these gen*
tlemen will not take a wait over tp the
King's Bench, or work in any shape, for
nothing. So the creditor pays his attor
ney either three shillings and four-pence,
or six shillings and eight-pence, in ad'di.*
/,-¦- "• .•¦.,.
Y 3

326
tion to the three shillings and sixpence
The whole transaction is scandalous, and
requires immediate redress. It may ap
pear singular to the reader, but I assert,
that, at this very moment, there are many
persons lying in prison, whose original
debt to the creditor did not amount to
above three, four, five, or six pounds,
Whose debts now, from costs to the attor
nies, do exceed twenty and thirty pounds.
I myself have paid for a debt of four
pounds thirteen shillings, and for one of
six pounds sixteen shillings, and two or
three times for a debt under ten pounds —
I say, that I have paid ten, twelve, or
fourteen pounds costs. Many prisoners
are able, and have offered to pay their ori
ginal debt, but cannot pay costs to the
attorney ; they therefore remain in con
finement, where they might pass their
2

327
lives, if an occasional act of insolvency
did not relieve them.
I know also, that many creditors have
been very willing to take the original
debt, and have been desirous of liberating
the debtor : but a creditor cannot release
the prisorier ; for, if he grants the prisoner
a discharge, the attorney fixes him with
the costs of the debtor : so the creditor
must pay the attorney twenty or thirty
pounds costs for doing nothing more than
what he ought to do, namely, for dis
charging his debtor, on his paying the
original sum he was indebted to him.
I must now apologize to the reader for
breaking off so suddenly, and not describ
ing various other miseries and oppressions
to which the unfortunate debtor in this
prison is subjected, much to the discredit
y 4

33,8
pf a country which boasts so proudly of
its liberty ; but I promise faithfully, in a
everpwl^* third Volume, which I shortly intend to
publish, to give various interesting cases
of distress and oppression, not only in the
King's Bench and the Fleet, but also in
that Court, so well known by the name,
style and title of the Marshalsea.
At present I have neither rime or place?
sufficient in these volumes : I shall there
fore conclude, for the present, with two
or three interesting stories relative tp the
cpnduct of attornies, how they obtain
bills of exchange, for what reasons they
take them, and what cost they charge on
them; together wjth a few particulars
relative to prisoners confined for debts
under ten pounds,
Header, mark well what T. am now go^

329
ing to relate, and seriously reflect; whe
ther, in a* Christian country, and in a
land of liberty, it is fit that any individual ^
.should be subject to such dire persecution.
It is not possible for me at present to
speak with certainty to the fact, not hav«-
ing as yet obtained an account of the num
ber of prisoners who are confined in the
various prisons in London for debts under
ten pounds : But I call God to wit
ness, that, from the conversations I have
held with various prisoners in the King's
Bench, (in the Fleet it is exactly the
same,) and the information I have ac
quired on the subject, I truly believe that
I speak much within the compass, when
I with horror inform you, that above One
half of the prisoners in the King's "Bench
and the Fleet, (aye, and in most of the
other jails in England,) could be liberat
ed, and would be liberated, to-morrow,

330
were it not for the costs that must be
paid to the attorney before they cari be
discharged. I shall now relate one instance in
which I myself suffered very materially.
Many years ago I kept horses at the li
very-stables of my old friend Mr. Fozard.
I had for some time given over keeping
horses, and had settled all accounts with
him for many months, when a man called
on me, and told me that I owed him four
pounds some shillings, for the keeping of
a horse at grass some distance from Lon
don. I told him that I knew nothing of
the matter ; that I never had put any
horse to grass with him ; and that I did
not even know the place where he lived,
which I literally believed was the fact.
In about three days after, I was served
with a copy of a writ. I then began to

331
reflect, and did recollect, that Fozard had
put a horse one winter into a straw* yard
for me ; but, having settled my account
with him, I of course concluded that I had
paid that expence with the rest. I accord
ingly went to his stables and examined
the books, when I found that he had not
made such a charge, and of course that
I owed it. I was served with the copy of
a writ on a Friday evening, and on Mon
day morning quitted town for the neigh
bourhood of Ascott-heath, preparatory to
the races. I was so incautious as not to
look at the date of the writ, to see when
it was returnable ; nor did I send it to
my lawyer, thinking that a week would
make but little difference, as I should be
in town the following Saturday. ¦ The
writ, however, was madekreturnable in
three days, and a fresh term commenced
in four days. Thus the lawyer had th:

532

start of me by two terms in one week,
whjch enabled him to make such rapid
progress in his expences. On the Satpr-
day afternoon, only eight days from the
time I was served with the copy of a
writ, I went to his house to pay the debt;
and judging that I should not have above
twenty shillings to pay for the ex
pences at first incurred, was surprised,
when his clerk made the account out, tp
find that the four pounds were, in eight
days, accumulated, by the attorney's
costs, to eleven or thirteen pounds, I
really forget which ; but either of them
is sufficient for my purpose. On my ex
postulations relative to the exorbitant
charges produced in so short a time, the
clerk informed me, that another term had
commenced since the issuing of the writ,
and consoled me by the assurance, that if
was very fortunate I happened to call

333
that day, as,' from my having neglected to
plead through my attorney to the writ,
judgment would have been entered up
against me on the Monday morning fol
lowing, which would1 have been three
pounds rriore, and that then I should have
been taken iri execution. I ¦now began
to understand the affair, that it was very
regularly carried on, was very legal,
very moderate, and very just ; and nought
was left for me but to pay the whole
surn, acknowledge tlie equity of the
process, and content myself with having
had the good fortune to call that day, the
moment I came to town, by which I
saved the additional charge of three
pounds. This all took: place in eight
days. I had, indeed, seeri, during my ab
sence at Ascott-heath, some tolerable
good raceing ; but this attorney, it must

334
be allowed by all sportsmen, beat every
thing for speed.
I will trouble the reader with but one
case more relative to exorbitant costs on
debts for small sums, although I could
mention several others which I have paid
within the six or seven last years of my
life. Before 1 surrendered as a prisoner to
the King's Bench, I gave a bill tosa
tradesman, not for any debt contracted by
me, but for a lady of my acquaintance.
This bill was kept back by a lawyer, into
whose hands it fell ; and, not being a
debt of my own, it escaped my notice.
After. I was liberated, it was demanded-
of me ; but, as I could not pay it, I wasi
arrested, and compelled, from actual

335
necessity, to bail it, and defend it for
some time, till I was able to pay it, when
I gave my attorney a sum of money to
discharge that bill, and some other
matters I had to settle ; but not having
sufficient money given him, he left six
pounds unpaid, and informed me of his
so doing. The lawyer was perfectly sa
tisfied, and assured him that he would
put me to no trouble for the remaining
trifle, and that I might pay it when con
venient. My lawyer, however, went out
of town for two months on business, in
which time this gentleman carried on the
process against me; and, having brought
it to an execution, fixed me in judg
ment for sixteen pounds sixteen shillings.
It is necessary to remark, that the original
bill was only pounds, the costs
pounds, of which he was paid all
but six ; and this six pounds he increased,

I-, <>

6

by additional costs, to sixteen pounds
sixteen shillings and sixpence, which;
together with what he was paid bea
fore, brought the original debt of
twenty-six pounds to no less a sum
than In addition to this, the customary ex
pences attending on a judgment, such as
sheriffs poundage, caption fee, one guinea,
searching the office, and some small per
quisite to the house of the officer I went
to, amounted to above two pounds more.
Thus I paid, for a twenty-six pound
debt, no less a sum than
This is law, aye, and very sound, le
gal, and excellent law too, and what is
practised every day in the year, to the
emolument of the attorney, and ruin, of
the debtor, who, when it is a distressing

337
circumstance to him to pay six pounds,
is compelled to pay sixteen or be sent to
jail, and there to lay until he rots, or can
pay tlie costs to the attorney as well as
the principal debt.
The reader will please to observe, that
I paid sixteen pounds sixteen shillings to
the attorney for his costs on the remaining
six pounds which were left unpaid on an
original debt of twenty-six pounds, on
which he had already received
costs.
Before I take my leave of this wretched
subject, I cannot refrain* from relating a
history of an attorney into whose hands
a bill fell belonging to a very particular
friend of mine ; but, first, I shal state ths
motives which induce attornies to pur-
vol. n. z

338
chase bills of exchange.— When money is
scarce, and a gentleman wants a little cash,
and cannot get his bill discounted at his
banker's, having overdrawn his account
considerably; or, as many are situated,
who have no banker at all ; he goes to
— ci *¦ " ... '- ' ' '
some advertising money -broker, and gives
him a bill,., we will say for an hundred
pounds, to get discounted: the money-
broker goes to some pawn-broker, wool
len-draper, ironmonger, or some other
tradesman who is in the habit of dis
counting bills, and giving part in money
and part in goods. Of the particular
losses that gentlemen suffer by taking
half goods and half cash, which is the ge
neral custom, I have mentioned in another
part of this book ; I shall, therefore, on
ly relate how this bill is put into cir-
c- ..'..' (p -::.: "" -^
culation. ... v.:. vixb :.u-,..

339
The tradesman pays this bill away to
some other tradesman who is accustomed
to the same traffic in bills, and puts his
name oh it, the broker having indorsed it
before for a \ery good reason, because his
name, being on the back of the bill, pre
vents him being called as a witness on a
qui tam action for usury. The second
tradesman, who now holds the bill, in
dorses it also. Now, there is the name
of the drawer of the bill, the broker's
name, and the two tradesmen's names,
ob the bill ; ' these make four names. The
-.-. --¦ ¦ • ; ': -: ¦ ¦'_. . . '.• "¦'-' '¦¦"¦¦¦itfi
last-mentioned tradesman, being in want
of cash, goes to some attorney who is in
~ ^ - --¦-i - ¦ - ¦ , - .. ... v ... \*: .-'.'. ' . u.
the constant habits of purchasing such
bills :' when' he comes to the attorney and
shews hirri the bill, telling him he wants'.
money' for if, -the attorney never examines
the /ace of the bill, but looks directly on
z 2

340
the back 'of it, to see, how many names
are there indorsed. If > there are three-
names, it is a matter worthy of his atten
tion; if four, it is excellent, that making
five names with ?the drawer's. At first
he pleads ppverty ; but at last tells him
that .the drawer of the bill is not a punc
tual man in payment of bills, and that
most likely he shall have some time to
wait for bis money; in short, that he
cannot give him above ninety pounds for
the hundred pound bill. f. This the trades
man very readily k takes, he having, by
.the bad quality of the goods he sold, if he
was the, first discounter, made already
from thirty tp forty per cent, or has pur
chased it at an inferior price of the former
tradesman; but, in general, these men,
who? give large quantities of goods, and
but a., small part in cash, are many of
them connected intimately together, and

341
mutually pass each other's bills back?
wards and forwards, with fnutual indorse
ments. But, to return to the attorney :
when the bill is due, if not paid at the
day, a process is commenced, and a writ
civilly issued for form's sake; for these
polite attornies are too well bred to arrest
the drawer of the bill in the street ; but
inform him, in a very civil letter, that
he is sorry he cannot give time ort the
¦feill, being directed by his client to inforce
payment, (the client, observe, reader, is
ho other than his own dear self,) there-1-
fore respectfully requests that you will
favour him with the name of your soli
citor, that he may undertake for you tb
put in bail, as it is far from his intent to
serve you publicly with an arrest. — -Tdu
have now to thank him for his polite me
thod of doing business, arid Send him" the
h ¦ ,
iKtmeof your solicitor. Bail is shortly
z 3

343
put in ;, and if it- is not in your power to
pay it in a term, bail above must be put
im and bail must be justified ; and, when
you take the bail up, you must pay four
costs exclusive of your own ; and there is
ho means of avoiding these, four extra
costs, unless you let judgment go by de-.
fault, which if you do, you must be pre
pared with the money to pay the prineif
pal sum of the bill and your own single
costs, or your person is taken in execu*
tion, which is the ne plus ultra of the
law,r:and your body may be committed
to Newgate. If you defend the actipn
by : various ingenious methods, such as
sham plea, writ of error, and some
Other very clever inventions, you may
postpone the payment of the bill for
lliany months ; but, at the final arrange-.
ment, when neither sham , nor fudge
can avail, any longer, then, you must be

343
contented to pay four costs exclusive1 -csf
your own; which, indeed, is tolerably
moderate, as I have given you one in*
stance in the foregoing . pages/ in. which
an attorney made a lady'ipay eight or ininsE
costs, and every one of them were spec oil
originals, and each ten pounds .'expence'),
but he was a jewel, of an attorney/ arid as
transcendant- in real honour as a brilliant
is to a rose diamond, to the rest of his
fraternity. You now see, reader, how great: an,/©fc!
ject it is to an attorney, who buys abiil
of a tradesman, to have four or "fivenam^l
indorsed on "the back of it, otherwise it sis
riot worth his having ; nor does he think
it worth negociating, if there is anprpbasf
bility that the drawer will punctually pa$
it at the day when it is. due : the attorney?
after all, runsno risk, even if the draweirjef
Z4

344
the bill should run away, for he can come
upon the indorsers.
But, to come to the story,. .which is not
without amusement :-?-A friend of mine,
who was not always, as well, as myself 'and
many others, rigidly punctual in taking up
his bills at the hour when -.due, -discounted
a bill in the preceding manner: there were
four or five names on the back of the bill,
which made it very eligible : an attorney
readily purchased this bill. „ The morning
when due, it was presented at his house
with the accustomary notice left in writ
ing :—" Your bill for 100Z. lies due ut
Messrs. i  , bankers*. Please to caH
this day between the hours of three
and five." — My friend, that day, a happy
#r©ftentinies the -attorney announces that tbe bill
Uss for payment at his house or chambers. "*
z 3 ;¦

345
day for him, ; butfa day of disapji ointfnent
to the attorney, was, per chance; more Iii
cash than usual, and sent his servant
with, the money, between three arid "live
o'clock, to take up the bill ; which her didr,
xmdbrought it to his master cancelled;- :':'
. . A few- weeks after, the same trades
man, who sold this bill drawn on fny
friend to the attorney, called again on hiril
with another bill drawn > on tlie sarife
gentleman, asking him to discount it.: Tie
moment he saw ori whom the bill was
drawn, he threw it with indignation- on
the floor, saying, " I am astonished;' Sir,
at your offering hie such a bill ; I Will
have nothing to do with that gentlemah's
bills, for the last, which I gave you mo^
ney for, to oblige you, was paid the day
it was ^presented." — nThe ^tradesman,
much to his mortification; was obliged
4

346
to: depart without [getting cash for his
bill, and had the trouble to seek for some
other attorney who dealt i in bills, to
¦whom the unusual punctuality -*of . my
friend .was not yet known.1'
Reader, I. trust this story has given you
some pleasure ; and I assure, you, on my
word, it is a fact.^ For the veracity of the
following interesting account of a distin
guished junto in this town, I cannot be
altogether so responsible ; but, on my ho-
Hohir, I. have heard it from good autho-r
rity,' 'arid. I believe the general outline of
their transactions to be true.
A few years past there existed in this
town a : truly philanthropic money-lend
ing-society i it consisted of about five ori
six.: reputablei: tradesmen, two . attornies,
and Onfe bailiff.: ; I have had the honour,

347
of. knowing them all personally ; and
with the three > latter, the two attornies
and the bailiff, I have been on a very
familiar footing, ; and through them have
experienced the philanthropy of the so
ciety to the amount of many and many
hundreds of pounds. This distinguished
society (pardon the vulgarity of the ex
pression!) all rowed in one boat, passing
bills from: one to the other to multiply
the names on the back of the bills, till, at;
last they were placed in one of the attar*
nies hands, by whom they were ulti*
mately consigned to the care and-'attenw
tion of the bailiff, I have been informed
that they even shared in the perquisites
pf the bailiff : but I do not believe it, be
cause his fees are so trifling that it would,
not be sound policy in these able ifinan*.
ciers to partake of so small a part of the.
profits,, and let the bailiff share with thdriy

348
in the greater.  In my opinion he could
" - -. f - , A ** ¦.>'" ¦ -
not have had any "share 'in the profits,
excepting the expence of "the arrest and
those Incurred in his house, 'unless he
placed money to the general account : in
this manner he might pull an oar m the
:.::."•"-" ' :^."c 3. . ' -:'-¦'. '-/ . - --- ¦ -- t
boat also. This amiable society is fb-
tally broken up and dispersed, by fhe'de-
-.1 'i' - ' * -
vii having wanted one of the attornies to
transact special business in the infernal
courts, and by the other respectful limb
of the law having retired, otio cum dig-
nitate, into the country on an handsome
fortune, acquired by costs upon bills of
exchange, and costs charged to distress
debtors, there to await the call of his in
fernal majesty ; for two such able men
he will not admit at the same time in his
dominions. The devil even dreads their
power, and stands in awe of their unpa
ralleled skill and abilities.

34Q c-
Fpr the present I shall say no more
relative to the King's Bench, or of attor-
pies, but promise the reader to give him,
in, a Third Volume, which will be soon
published, a more minute account of that
prison, and a complete investigation of
the conduct of attornies to debtors, with
-:•-. " -- ' ¦:.¦•- am ¦ o *•.«.' '
other circumstances relative to the police
of the King's Bench.

351

CHAPTER V.
Interesting Particulars relative to Cot.
George Hanger when in America ;
being a Continuation of his Life and
Adventures.
j[tf about three months after I was ap
pointed a captain in the Hessian Yager
corps ; and in the middle of the ensuing
month of March, I sailed from Ports
mouth for America. — Reader, be not
alarmed ! I am not going to fight over
again the American war; it is as much
forgotten as the Trojan war, and the re
cital of the one would be full as inte
resting to the public as the other. It is,
however, my intention to relate some in
cidents relative to myself, which, in the
history of my life, are necessary to be
mentioned.

352
I had not been arrived above two
months in America, when I received a
letter from my mother, (the best and
kindest of parents,) informing me that
Mr. Wyatt, soon after my departure, and
before he could parcel out my estate, had
been seized with a paralytic stroke, which,
she was fearful, would shortly prove fa
tal to him. She informed me at the same
time, that the mortgagee was endeavour
ing to foreclose the mortgage on my
estate, and to sell it. She also sent me a
fresh power of attorney for me to execute,
to empower her, and some friend jointly
with her, to transact my affairs, as she
was fearful my worthy friend Mr. Wyatt
would never be well enough to act for
me. This fresh power of attorney I for
warded by the first packet to England,
to my mother. In the mean time, my
worthy friend Wyatt, recovering a little

853
fro iii the effects of the paralytic strokes
neglected not, the moment he was able tp
go down to my estate* to arrange every
thing for sale ; but a second visitation of
his disease put n an end to his valuable
life. • '¦
During the iriterval between his death
and the arrival of the fresh powers of at
torney from America, for my mother and
her friend to act for me, which, in passing
and repassing, took up some months, the
mortgagee foreclosed the mortgage ; and
all that my mother could do was in vain,
for my estate ^was sold before a Master
in Chancery, at public auction, for little
more than half its real value..
The reader will be pleased to remark,
4hat the very circumstance which ren
dered me happy and satisfied on my leav*
VOL. II. A A

354
ing England, by having placed my affairs
in so worthy and able a friend's hands,
proved my ruin, from my want of cau
tion in not putting the name of some
other person jointly in the power of at
torney I gave to Mr. Wyatt : had I so
done, as I have been informed; from the
best authority, it would ( not have been
practicable to have foreclosed the mort
gage ; but I never dreamed of Mr. Wyatt
being struck with a fit of apoplexy ; for
he Was a hale, hearty man, and by no
rrieans advanced in years, though he was
of a corpulent habit. Some months
afterwards, the' common process of law
having taken its course, my estate was
sold, as I have already mentioned.
It is also necessary to relate* that, in
the5 intermediate time, and previous to the
sale, war with France and Spain was de-

355
clared, in addition to that whereinfwe
were engaged with America, which was
the occasion of land falling above one-*
third- in value. In short, my estate
was sold for sixteen thousand and j some
few hundred pounds ; though, if I could
have kept it till the peace, it would have
fetched between twenty and thirty thou-,,
sand. i In addition to this piece of good news,
my kind mother informed me, that some
outstanding < debts, amounting to several
hundred pounds, remained unpaid, not
withstanding the security Mr. Wyatt bad
given for me; and that executiqns had been
introduced into my house, after his death*
from the great deficiency of the sale of the
estate, dv Thus I at once found myself se
veral hundreds worse than nothing, in-^
stead of not owing a shilling, and having
a a 2

35(5

eigbt or "ten thousand pounds in hand, a*
Mr. Wvatt assured me, arid which he
certainly would have accomplished, had
not the French war broke out, of' a legal
compulsion forced me to sell ' my estate
during that period.

I now, indeed, and in truth, became a
soldier of fortune, for I was stripped and
plundered of every thing, and, which was
worse, left encumbered with debts.
After serving the first campaign in the
Hessian Yagers, my old and worthy
friend, Sir Henry Clinton, requested the
Commander in Chief of the Hessian
_ t
troops to give me, in addition to my Ya
ger company; the command of two hun
dred men selected' from the Hessian regi
ments, which he was so kind as to; com
ply with; and, in addition to that re-

35?
quest:^ he, permitted a certain number, .of
men from every Hessian regiment tp
turn out volunteers. As soldiers, who
si , -p..
have been confined to the regular duty of
a battalion in the line, are ever desirous of
serving with light troops at the put-post,
it may be easily imagined that these men
were the eliti of the Hessian infantry.
This favour, was much approved of by
my commanding .officer, Colonel De
J toul. ¦< .31
Wurmbe, as it not only increased his
command, but strengthened it by the ad
dition of a body of men with bayonets,
,who might by night be employee} ;>-,|x> "
greater effect than the Yagers, who had
no bayonets, and were armed only, with
rifle -guns. A further and most singular
fayour was granted me on this. occasion.
If any man behayed ill, or of whose con
duct I disapproved, I was permitted to
§en,d him back to the regiment to, which
A A 3

358
he belonged,. arid to have another sent to
replace him . This was productive of such
good order, that, during three campaigns,
il never was under the disagreeable neces
sity of punishing any one of them, fur
ther than by a few days' confinement. —
.-With the additional command to my Ya
ger company I eontinued to serve until
the great j expedition to the southward
was undertaken by Sir Henry Clinton, to
accomplish the reduction of North arid
South Carolina, of which I shall make
mention in proper time ; but, prior to
that, I must advert to incidents in which
I was personally and most materially con-
> cerned. Shortly after the arrival of Lord Car
lisle, Mr.t Eden, and Governor Johnson,,
':¦¦ at New York, they published a proclama-
¦ tion, in the name of the King, addressed

359
to his Majesty's revolted subjects, cf arad
the different United States. It was judg
ed proper, for form's sake, that the Com
mander in^ Chief should .forward this
proclamation by land, from the out-posts
of the army, to Congress; and that the
Admiral should dispatch a vessel with
if the same to Philadelphia, , This procla
mation was sent t6 the out-post of the
oYager corps, to my commanding officer,
Col. De Wurmbe, with orders to him to
forward them by a flag of truce to the
most contiguous advanced post of: the
American army.
I was the only Englishman in that
corps : my friend Col. De Wurmbe,
~ therefore, requested me as a v favour (it
4 not being my turn; for duty) to go- out
=• with these proclamations,, arid assigned
b as his reason for desiring me tp undertake
a a 4

360
this business, that, as the other officers
did not understand the English language-
some mistake might take place from their
not being able to explain matters, and
converse with the American officers.
Col. De Wurmbe certainly could have
commanded me on this service; but to
comply with a request, or even a hint
from hirn, was but a small tribute of
gratitude for me to pay to so good and
amiable a man, as well as so kind a
friend. It was, therefore, with the greatet
pleasure that I undertook this duty ; but
not without foreseeing the disagreeable
consequences attendant on it, by which I
might have lost my life, and in the most
unpleasant manner for a soldier and •¦ a
gentleman. I was perfectly aware of the temper of
tbe Americans at that period, elated as

3 0-1
they were by the succours which their'
great and good ally had already sent, and1
promised still to send them *. A French ¦
fleet being off the coast, softie French troops ¦
having been already landed and matching
to join General WashingtonVarmy, and
others coming from the West Indies, it was
most natural to imagine that they would
reject all proposals from the British Go-'
vernment, not only with scorn,1 but con^
tempt. -<! I, therefore, told * Colonel De
Wurmbe, on my taking leave, that'(-l-
would endeavour to stay as short a time*
at d the American out-post as possible,'1
merely to demand' a receipt, and push
back with, all expedition ; for I was con
fident, if I remained t a sufficient time
for them to deliberate, that I should be
j, * Count D'Estaign had blocked up New York har-
0 j
hour for some time, and was then gone for Rhode
Island. 3 bonaq Jfiiil 'B ensonam -r:

stopped and made a prisoner. The event
'proved the truth of my conjectures.
I must here observe, that the trumpeter
and mounted Yager 'that Went with me,
carried several hundred printed copies of
this proclamation for me to distribute,
as I went along, at the country-men's
houses, and in the towns through which
'I passed. In Ferry- town, situated four
teen miles from "bur out-posts, T distri
buted some hundreds. About three or
four miles farther, beyond Ferry- town, I
fell in with a patrole of light dragoons,
who carried me to their officer at a house
close by, j who- commanded about fifty
men. I gave him thirteen packets, one
addressed to every State, and one to Ge-
* neral Washington. On reading a printed
copy, he told me he did not know whe
ther it was proper for him to receive such

3^3
papers, and that it ^ was necessary- for
him to send -to know the commands of
General Scott on that subject, who lay
at the distance of about four miles. I
tpl.d him I was commanded to leave them
at. the first American 'out-post' that I
should fall in with : * and, with an air of
non-chalance, T\ added, that, if he did
not choose to receive them, I should leave
them with the landlord of the house :
but that it was but common politeness
from one officer to another, to give me
an acknowledgment under his hand that
tI had left them at the house,r merely to
shew my commanding officer, that 1 had
done my duty, as I might otherwise be
3 very^ severely reprimanded on my return
to the British army,/ and perhaps put un
der arrest. In short, after a good deal, of
persuasion, and ' telling him that the, pro
clamation, whatever it contained, was
3

nothing to him or to me, as it came from
the British Commissioners, and that cer
tainly I should, in a similar case, not he
sitate one moment in giving him a receipt;
I 'procured a receipt from him, and, tak
ing a polite leave of him, rode off for our
army with no small degree of speed and
pleasure. A few minutes after, he dis
patched an officer with the proclama
tions to General Scott, but not before I
bad given every soldier who came round
me one of them.
On my return through Ferry- town, there
were above two hundred persons collected
together, and I was under some appre
hensions that they would have stopped
me, as a few armed militia amongst them
said they knew not what business I had
to deliver printed papers inviting the Citi
zens of America to desert the Congress.

305
Ltold them that I was under the sane-*
tion of a flag of truce, and had done no-*
thing but what the inhabitants requested.
The populace were nearly all in favour of
me, and requested me to continue my dis
tribution of the papers, which I did ; and
absolutely went so far, at their request,
as to read one to the people as I sat on
my horse ; and nailed one up against the
public house before I departed.: I knew
very well, from the distance General Scott
was, that I could not be easily overtaken,
and that I had near an hour to spare. I
then made the best of my way home, and
met with a strong patrole of our corps
within two miles of the town, when I
returned, without further interruption,
to the camp.,
, ¦ . '-¦¦>¦ '¦">
This very day the Admiral , sent; laeu-
3

366
tenant Heele in a cutter to Phitedelphid
with counterparts of the same packets
which I had carried out. The moment he
cast anchor in the river Delaware, the
lieutenant and his whole Crew W©$ made
prisoners ; and Lieutenant Heele remain
ed above a year in Philadelphia jail ; and
I should have been sent there also," and
have kept him company,' had I waited '-to'
receive General Scott's commands; who,
in a very few days afterwards, as I learned
from the communication we1 held at the
out-posts, had sent orders to detain me ;
but fortunately the bird was flown.
I should never have thought of men
tioning the following circumstance, had
not my character, both as an officer and a
gentleman, been most grossly aspersed by -1
the infamous Philadelphia and Connect!-

307
cut Journals on that subject. The fol
lowing ris a correct statement of the-
whole business — So.help me God !
The Commander in Chief,' after having:!
given orders to General Prescot to eva-i
cuate Rhode-Island, destroy the works,
and repair with the troops to New York,'
was induced, a few days after he had sent
those instructions, from certain events
that took place, to countermand these or--
ders, and sent me to Rhode-Island for
that purpose, giving, me ^instructions to
examine two particular works ; and, if I:
found them not destroyed, or capable, by
a few days' labour, of being put in their
former state, General PresCPt was by no
means to evacuate the island. .--I sailed in
the Delaware frigate, Captain .-.Mason ;
and although it is not above an hundred
and eighty miles from Sandy Hook, I was

308
seven days on my passage, beings forced
to work up close under Long-Island* in
the very teeth of the wind, as it blew
J3i<. J
very fresh throughout the whole course
9f it.
On the seventh day, in the evening,
just at dusk, the frigate cast anchor about
one mile and an half from the island, off
the mouth of the harbour. On our, ap
proach, there were two small armed
sloops working out of tlie harbour ; but,
on seeing the frigate, they immediately
put back. This gave us strong suspi
cions that they were enemies, and that
the island was evacuated ; but, as there
were small rivers and creeks on the op*-t
posite shore of Connecticut, it was pos
sible that they might come from thence,
and net from Rhode Island. I consulted
- »' • -' - "
with my friend, Captain Mason, on the

i. »

3 6g
occasion, who was clearly of opinion,'
that, from the length of our passage, we
were arrived too late, for that the island
was evacuated. I was of the same senti
ment : yet, as there was a chance that it
might not be so, as, when frigates arrive,
they always send their boat in, and the
General might not think it necessary to
send a boat off from shore till the next
morning ; I suggested to Captain Mason
bow very absurd I should appear were
I to return to New York, and there find
that the troops had not left the island at
the time I had arrived ; stating to him,
at the same time, the magnitude of the
business on which I was employed, and
that I should never dare to shew my face
before Sir Henry Clinton, if I did not do
every thing that depended on myself: I
was, therefore, anxious to risk any dan
ger in order to investigate the object of
VOL. II. B B

370
my commission. I accordingly requested
him to g;ive me an armed boat, being de
termined to land in the dark, and gain
intelligence. \ Captain Mason, in compliance with my
earnest solicitation, gave me his ten-oared
barge, two marines, a cockswain, and
one of his lieutenants ; so that we con
sisted of fifteen persons. < I timed it so as
to enter the harbour just at the latter end
of the flood-tide, so that we might have
the tide with us on returning". On my
departure from the ship, he told the lieu
tenant strictly to obey my orders, and do
every thing I commanded. At. the same-
time, being sensible of the danger which;
T encountered, he requested me to act?
with the utmost prudence and circum
spection, for that he would not, for ten
ihbusand: guineas, have that boat's crew

lost Or taken prisoners, as they had at*
tended on his person, as barge- men, dur
ing the whole war. The boat was well
armed; every man had a musket and bay
onet, with cutlass, pistols, &c. &c. and
plenty of ammunition. With oars muf*
Jbed, I approached the harbour in silence,
keeping close under the shade thrown on
the water by the high craggy rocks on
the right ; by which, and the darkness of
the night, we were so impervious to the
view, that a sloop working out of .the
barbour, absolutely, when she tacked
about, was not above one hundred and
fifty yards from the boat, and could not
perceive us. We lay on our oars till she
hid : completely tacked and stood half
way over to the other side, when we pro
ceeded, and brought the boat to shore di
rectly under the High Bluff of Brinton's
Point, and not far from the battery^ . A
b b 2

372
boat might have passed us within thirty
yards, and not have perceived us. I then
landed with the two marines only, who
had sailors' bluejackets over their red ones
to conceal the red and white uniform, and dt
who were ordered to follow me closely, to
'-• >ri}
proceed when I proceeded, and to lie down •dt
flat on the ground when I fell down. We 'ii.
then crawled up the precipice, so as to be
able to look just above the summit, and
. . . .'- -b«
remained some time in that position, to
- - i< >•?
observe and determine how I was to pro
ceed. I heard the sentinels challenge
every now and then, and cry " All is
i-S' --"-j . * - - ¦¦ : >¦>.
well;" for they were quite on the alert,
' , . , -. -f
having observed a man-of-war anchor off
'--- '"' - ' ">n
the harbour, as I was afterwards inform-
'3--'.<? ,'.•'- ¦¦ ¦ ¦ , . -.¦'"-¦ B'
ed. At last a patrole from the nearest
fi-n -. A ,. ¦,.>,,¦.,
»'¦* A> , I'll)}
picket, which, from the fire, I judged
was not above three hundred yards from
,. " :-, ¦: y\- • '-,-¦¦¦'¦
me,- passed me so near that I could di&-

373
tinctly hear them speak ; and I heard two
sentinels challenge the patrole, one on
~.?.<U/. . .--- .- - ¦-- f -,-r
my right, the other on my left, I knew,;
when the patrole was passed, that I had
httle to fear, and that I could easily, from
3 Ci JG v i : ' " , i... -
the darkness of the night, pass between
them. I accordingly ran across the road
they went down, and, when over in the
next field, which was very rough and bushy,
I laid the marines down and sat up my
self, in order to set the position of our
boat by the seven stars in the north, the
poiriters of which point to the north
polar star, which is immoveable. This
every officer, especially of light troops,
.should be well acquainted with : if I had
Ik- '•:>:. . . .'-.v.fi
not known it, I might have been easily
taken prisoner in wandering along the
cliff in search of the boat on my return.

mc-i;l ¦-¦.,.. ^  : , . , . , ., . h r
I then looked about for a house from
-¦Bib i-\r;<,o -' ¦¦. ¦¦:¦ '¦ , . . -;. .;,¦; ' ¦ . ¦ ;; ,3rJ
B B 3

374
Which I might take some person to
gain intelligence, and fixed my eye
ori two, about a mile distant, as well as
I could judge by the lights in them,
and quite' at a distance from any others.
There were several nearer me, but they
were too contiguous fo the pickets and
patroles along the shore, to suit my pur
pose. With great caution, and always
laying down when I heard any thing, I
approached them ; they were about two
hundred yards apart : in the one I saw
two lights, in the other only one ; I, there
fore, made up to the latter, and laying the
two marines down among the cabbages in
the garden, I stood about ten yards from
tbe door, at the garden gate, and halloed
out — " Holla ! house !" When an old wo-*
man came to the door, and asked what I,
wanted, and who I was ? I replied, " I am
an officer come from town, and am ordered

over to Connecticut* by the Genera], .on
business. f I have lost my way in f the
dark, and want to be put into the path f
to. Brinton's Point : pray send some one
to the end of the garden to put me into
it," She replied, " One of our family is
gone to town, and the other is gone to
bed ; but if he is not undressed, I will
send him to shew you.'% I had previously
I determined with my two faithful marines,
if I could not entice any one person out
of the house, to enter it and take some
„ ope away by force ; jbut , I ¦< dreaded the
consequences, knowing that if resistance
cuWas made, we should be obliged to shed
j blood in our own defence. My strata
gem succeeded completely : out campf a
* The name of the opposite shore from Rhode-
Island.2 T This is the cant.ternrthe Ney/ England people
.have for. all roads : whether little or great,, they ,call-
---'-' - - --  j . ¦*,.,» fi ,
them all paths. B B 4

376
fine young fellow, as straight and- as tall
as a poplar tree. The moment I saw him
on the steps, I said, " Come along, (. my
good man, just put me into the path to.
Brinton's Point, and I will' give youfa
dollar." ^/ort
I retired a few yards from the garden
gate, which he passed; and when at a
sufficient distance from the house, I took
him fast by the coat, and, putting my
pistol to his head, told him to look be
hind him at the two marines, who had
their bayonets pointed within two feet of
his body. I then charged him not to
speak, pledged my honour to him that I
would not hurt him ; but if he uttered a
word, should he hear any soldiers pass
ing, he would be killed, and we must
endeavour through the darkness of the
night to make our escape. I took him

377
into a rough place close by, and. made
him' sit down by us. ? I then told him
I was a British officer, not an American,
and was landed from the frigate, that lay
off the harbour, to gain intelligence. I
now gave him a half Johannes, and re
peated my assurance that I would treat
him well ; but that he must come along
with me. His fears at length subsided, W ti>.'
and he told me that the day before I ar
rived the British had evacuated the island, iii : '•
and that an American force of three thou
sand men now occupied it.
oJ The marines judging with me that the
tide of ebb had made, and that the moon
iWould rise in about an hour, we pro-
eeeded to the boat, walking. alongside of
this man, with my hand fast in his right
hand jacket pocket : for I knew too well
¦"¦ :1 ¦ 'Vi-. ,T. IX j
tptrustto a New Englandman's promises;

37S
bad he got a yard start .»of us, he would
have alarmed the whole country, j
, ai gnups-ii »•' »•> -• ' t3:>LUJ.p-3':q ad} i:j
tea When I had proceeded within about
four hundred yards < of ?. the rock from
whence I landed, I had the same road
to cross again on which I. had seen the
patrole pass. , As we lay down on x one
side of it, waiting for the passing of a
patrole, that I might hear where the sen
tinels were, my guide endeavoured to
betray me, telling me there was] no
danger if I went up the path ; I kriew
better, and now no longer ; trusted him ;
but put it out of his power to do any mis
chief, by taking my pocket handkerchief
and stuffing the greatest part of it into
his mouth, that he should not vociferate. .
At the, same time I made one of the
marines hold him fast by the left hand,
-: whilst I held him as fast .by the right

S7@
When the patrole had passed, we crossed
the path;' and, ort arriving at the brini
of the precipice, I had, by keeping my
eyes constantly on the north stars// set
the boat with such precision that when
I holla' d, " Mason, a-hoy!" I was an
swered directly beneath where I stood,
(f Hanger, a-hoy .'" which were the sig--
nai words fixed on before our departure.
I got my gentleman into the boat, and
rowed out of the harbour ; and the moori
did not rise before We Were quite clear
^of it, J> Every thing turned out well ; the
tide and rising of the moon was well
timed, and with no inconsiderable degree
*pf pleasure I arrived on board the Dela-<
* ware frigate, to the great jdy 1of my
. friend Captain MasonJi Unfortunately it
was not possible to land this man on the
opposite shore/ o*' to send r him ^ back to
1 Rhode Island. ^Captain Mason therefore

380, i ' .
proposed putting him the next day on
shore on Block Island, a few leagues
from Rhode Island ; but the fpg proved
so thick, that we could not make it
with safety. We therefore stood out
to sea, and I was compelled to take him
with me to New York. On our arrival
there, I provided him with quarters,
drew provisions for him, and supplied
him with necessaries. It was intended
that he should be sent by the first
flag of truce to Rhode Island, or by the
first boat to New London, or some town
contiguous to his home in New England ;
but he had not been six days in New
York, when he sickened of the small
pox, and died of that distemper.
The sudden disappearance of this man
certainly wore an aspect of suspicion,
which gave room to many unpleasant

382
conjectures. The fact, however, being1
knoWn, that he had been taken away hy
force off the island, and his never appear
ing tbere again, was productive of many
reports, all infamously false, and detri-
mental' to my character. In various
sbapes and forms was this transaction re
lated, both in the Connecticut and Phila
delphia newspapers, whose principle was
to fender odious, in the eyes of the coun-
i ¦',-¦( ¦¦
try, any officer who possessed the smallest
degree of enterprize or resolution. It
was stated first, that this man was mur
dered Ori the island ; and afterwards, that
V," '¦¦''' ' '¦¦.(<!< J
he was thrown overboard at sea. But, after
some time, it being publicly known at
New York that 1 had necessarily brought
him there, and treated him with kindness,
a more just account was published; but
still it was added, that this man had been
thrown into prison, where he died of the

382
jail fever. I have pledged myself solemn*
ly to the fact, and should not have
troubled the reader with the minute par
ticulars, was it not absolutely necessary
to state them, to justify my character as
a soldier and a gentleman.
From my having been absent from
New York so many days, indeed above
double the time usually required to make
that passage, (for the wind was foul near
ly the whole way back, as well as going
there,) I was given over for lost. Some
imagined that the frigate had sailed at
night into the harbour and was taken,
though such croakers little knew the
abilities and judgment of Captain Mason;
while others supposed that I had landed
and was made prisoner. I arrived, how
ever, to, set aside all conjecture, just as;
Sir Henry Clinton was at dinner with

3f»3
fourteen Or fifteen officers at table, none of
whom, that I recollect, are living, except
my old friend, Sir Thomas Wallace, who
was one of the company, and is well ac
quainted with this 'Circumstance.
After relating the whole affair, at table,
to Sir Henry Clinton, and receiving his
thanks in the kindest manner, I never
shall forget, to the last day i of my life, a
very singular remark of his, nearly in the
following "words : " I commend your
prowess much; but at 'the ,same time, I
am sorry you risked so much, as it was
not in my wish you should venture so
far : for, upon my word, my dear Hanger,*
T believe if theybad taken you on * the
island,1 they would havefahanged you
directly." 'T replied, '* My dear General,
that never entered into my head, it being
a thing totally impossible for the Ameri-.
cans to commit such an outrage on an

384
officer sent by you, in character of aft
aid-de-camp, with orders to our coni'-
manding officer at Rhode Island. I could
be subjected to no other danger but of be
ing imprisoned ; they could not surely be
guilty of such an act." " You may," re
plied the General, " think so, Hanger ; but
I give you my word I do not, for I know
not what they would not do : and I am hap
py to see you returned safe." At this time
my worthy and intimate friend, Major
Andre, aid- de-camp to Sir Henry, was
sitting at table ; the same who suffered
some time afterwards, and of whom I
shall have cause to speak hereafter.
Nothing of consequence, or of peculiar
notoriety in the history of my life, took
place, worthy to be related, until the
great expedition sailed from New York
for the reduction of tire Southern Pro
vinces, except various military incidents

385
arid occurrences, in which I acted an in
ferior part, on the great theatre of the
war, by no means interesting to the
reader, who, long ago must have been
heartily tired of every thing relative to
that subject, and it is very distant from
my intention to trouble him with v it.
A repetition of the Trojan war,* in my
humble opinion, would be equally as
amusing. Before I pass to the southward, and
relate my adventures in Georgia, South
and North Carolina, I must mention a
singular reverse of fortune which I now
suffered. The Devil and Mammon had
already conspired to rum me, and had
ransacked and plundered my property
in my absence, by compelling the sale
of my estate at auction, from th®
fatality of my agent's death, at a tim4
§.: .vox.. ii.-, ,,. c c <-r>-v. '

i8 86
when- lands + were one-third less hi ¦ va
lue than they were before i the war or
after. Fortune, that fickle goddess,^not
satisfied .-> with having already turned
her wheel from me <1 and my interests,
again destined me to be the object of
her caprice and neglect. I received a
letter from my sister, Mrs." Vansittart,
whose tender love and regard for me is
deeply imprinted in my breast, inform
ing me that the Duchess of St. Alban's
(my godmother) was dead. She had
made a will in my favour, that was wit
nessed by my mother, in which she made
me heir to her whole property, to a very
considerable amPunt. Within ithe last
twelve months of her death) a Mr. Ro
berts came over from Ireland. She had
never seen him before, or ever heard of
him. . i He, however, proved, to her Grace's
satisfaGtion^tlaat he wasarelated to her ; >so

387
'ihatnshe reversed her intentions, made*' a
'•¦new will, andleft every thing to him. Her
i second will only bore date six months prior
hfxnrher death ; had she died seven months
Sooner,' I should have inherited a consi-
iderable property, >? and a great addition
cafteri the Duke's death, who. was then
living. bV The "" Duchess v of rrStJ Albans
. was a '^Miss Roberts, r* a -. rich heiress :
-ter> parents and'her near relations dyifag
when she was very young, my father
breceived her into his family, educated arid
-protected her : out of his family she mar
ried the Duke of St. Albans ; she stood
god-mother to me, and liveduin athe
3 strictest intimacy and friendship with s our
-family. ¦: It was but * natural, to believe
"that she would have left some part efifaer
iqpifepeirty to our family ; ..but thus :shaasn
a gratitude repaid my father and mdXfiMr
ifbr their: tender care and attention to feer
c c 2

388
for" many years, by leaving her whole'
property to a gentleman with whom she
never had any acquaintance till about a
year before her death. With what great
expectation some people look forward
I 1- -'»,'"'¦¦ , .
to dead men's and dead women's shoes :
vyvr/' ¦
but those who do, may go bare-foot-
iv ¦
ed all their lives, I never expected a
~y trji '
guinea from her, therefore suffered no
disappointment ; for my mother, although
she was one of the witnesses toorthe
Duchess's will, which was made before
I sailed for America, never, even in the
most distant manner, intimated it to me.
'As I never had buoyed myself up with any
hopes of advantage from her, I suffered
no mortification on- the occasion, though
I could not but reflect on the bitterness of
my fortune, that, within six months, my
interest should have suffered so materially,.
having been fixed ori by her firace to be

38^,
Sier heir, and had never given her cause
-'. - ' ° ¦ '"¦ ;T1, ."•- ,
to withdraw her former good opinion.
But fate had decreed this, together with
many other mortifications, miseries and
distresses, which I was destined to suffer.
Doomed, as I was to a life chequered
with misfortunes, by a Supreme Power,
that same Power gave to me a vigorous
constitution, and a bold and undaunted
mind, to stem the current of adversity,
and bear up against, a sea of troubles.
When the expedition from New York
took place for the reduction of the South
ern-Provinces, my worthy friend Sir Hen
ry Clinton fulfilled the promise he had
made me, of giving; me a, command : It
consisted of the two hundred, picked men
-from the Hessian- army,. Col. Emerick's
company of riflemen commanded by Cap -
.-lain -Abthouse, and about sixty German
C C 3

300
Jagers. * uq their arrival at Savannah' in
Georgia, some companies of Provincial
light infantry were to be added es to the
above men ; and, at my own request, I
was to join my corps to that of my most
intimate, affectionate, and deceased friend
Col. Ferguson,^ an officer- whose r distin
guished merit and gallantry is Well known
to the British army. The above-men
tioned men were put on board the ship
Anne. In the violent gale of wind, which
arose about five days after we quitted the
harbour of New York, (Sandy-Hook,)
this, ship ran foul of another in the night,
and carried away both her mainland
mizen masts ; of course, having but the
foremast " remaining, she was compelled
to put before the wind, and make every
wirsd a fair o no. She found herself un
able to make cither the American coast,
or bear dqwn upon the >West Indies;

30 U
therefore, ^putting the troops and crewhi
a shorter allowance, bore away right be?
fore the wind, it then i blowing hard -at
northrwestjit and the first port t she madfe
was St. Ives in Cornwall. The /oildes^
navigator must acknowledge t this r as i >ai
most singular event — a ship;* dismasted i
bound for Georgia, and driven r to Eng-*
land. The .kindest inquiries after my healtll
were made (as- 1 have since * been informs
ed) by some of those philanthropic gentlei-i
men who had shared in plundering me of
rriy estate, on their hearing that a corps
of i soldiers, commanded by Major Hanger,
Were arrived from America, at St. Ives in
Cornwall. However, the mutual happi-i
ness which both parties would* halve reci*
procally enjoyed at meeting, was, fo* that
time prevented, by my having sailed! oaa
c c 4

3Q2
board- the f> ship John, at the particular '.
request J of my worthy friend Sir Henry
Clintpn, to see that proper attention vsr&srt
paid to three favourite horses of his during i-
tbe .voyage, which were placed under my '
particular directions. ,gThus did I escape
being driven to England, by which I
should have, been obliged to have taken
a passage once more over that small her
ring-pool to America to join the army,
beside the r good fortune, perhaps, I of
falling ,, in with some \ one of those
tender-hearted 7 gentlemen who were
so j kindly 3, interested in my health,
and experiencing from them the plea- >
sure, of a familiar tap on the shoulW
^Sf/.uJ-: -,£ jr:;; j t 9U':'V, . .,;; „ /.'jri-t^Otls
tSP »;.'':. 'wa vhi: n iifiii is. iii
, This was a fortunate event for the sol
diers in the ship Anne, who escaped, by ',
this singular, event,,, the miseries of ill

303
health, to. which all those' are doofried'
who are fated to serve in those intensely' '¦'
hot and sickly climates, 'whose baneful
influence is known only to those who
have experienced it. To me it was a
misfortune, as it deprived me/1 for sorrieT
length of time, of the command of al
corps of light troops, so desirable an J ob
ject to all officers.
i-My worthy friend' Sir Henry Clinton^
until an opportunity presented itself of'
employing me more actively, honoured'
me, during the siege of Charlestovfri, by^
continuing me in his family as one of his
aides-de-camps. Before I quit New York -
altogether, I must relate a circumstance
that had nearly cost me my life. The
Commander in Chief had fallen down to
Sandy Hook, preparatory to his sailing
with the army, and had desired me to re^J
3

394
main inNewYork till the next day,tobring
some papers of consequence to him from^
his-secretary, which were not then finish-.
ed ; and, having received them, I thought
of the best means* of proceeding to the
Hook myself, ji The transports had all
dropped down for some days; rand T
could not, even in all the river, find at
sloop or schooner for my u purpose; I,,
therefore, 3 pressed a strongs] row-boat,
with two men, from the Tlymarket-i
stairs, <and proceeded on my way to
the Hook, j The frost had set in in
tensely severe for two or three days,
so that vast sheets of ice floated ,up
and down the channel , with the i tide.
Before I had got half- way, to Staten-
Isk\nd, the eddy-tide, | from round the!
back point of it, drove several large,
sheets of ice into the channel, in which i
my boat got completely entangled; and

305
We1 could find no way out, the ice ap-
prxsaiGbing nearer to us every momenta
At this instant, Mr. Hamilton, a gen-'
tieman:in the quarter-master and trans
port sendaeb^was fortunately going down
frbm-b the dock-yard, uin a very strong
lar^e^sloop. b Mr. Hamilton, ' seeing a
boat.' in distress, surrounded by the ice,
arid endeavouring tot find her way out/'
knowing the danger we were exposed
to-j very humanely bore down Upon us,
breaking, by the force of his vessel,
through the flakes of ice. I I was on a
very intimate footing witivMr. Hamil
ton, but knew not Who my deliverer was
until I came within fifty or sixty yards of
him. He was astbnished : how I could
have been so imprudent as, to attempt
pagairig down the river amongst the ice
in1 a row-boat. I told him I 'had beeri-
warned of the danger, and knew it at my

3Q8
departure, but I could get no sloop or
schooner ; and, as. the papers were of con
sequence to the Commander in Chief, it
was necessary he should have them, as
the fleet was to sail that night ; besides,,
I thought, as the tide of ebb, ran very
strong down .tp the Hook,-! should not
meet any ice in my way sufficient to
block me up, as it would go the same
way with me, and therefore would not
greatly j endanger ,me. a Indeed I y never
dreamed of the shoals of ice that are
hurried round the point pf Staten-Island,
by the eddyr tide meeting the other bodies
of ice going down to the island with the
ebb-tide, which completely hemmed j me
in between them. ?(j$ k,/yid
:}Vi''-*:;fT:..reriff_) no-
Myself and one of the watermen had
not stepped onboard the sloop above two
pr three minutes, when, as the other

397
/Waterman and my servant were handing a
favourite spaniel and my portmanteau out
of the boat, a sheet of ice stove hef nearly
in two. f My servant jumped on board;
but the waterman slipped down, and
would have been crushed between the
vessel and the ice, if we had not thrown
a rope to his assistance, and hauled him
Tapj'i Thus I providentially escaped from
a most miserable death, as I was above
three miles from any shore, and must evi
dently have foreseen my death approach
ing, without any chance whatever*1 of
escaping. f°T arrived, however, safe* at
the Hook, delivered the papers to the
Commander in Chief, and 'sailed at day
break the next morning. f( This happened
on Christmas-eve.
:j£il :rju ivrtuw, 'idi ":o :>n'- Imfi; 't(S«yM
O' Had this expedition been delayed forty-
eight hours longer, the whole fleet of

IJ308
transports would iiave been ..frozen fast in
the river, as the frost that winter was
more intense than the oldest American
had ever known. Incredible as it may
appear, -it is an absolute fact, that in
a- few days it froze so intensely, that a
regiment of cavalry, cannon, and wag
gons, passed from Long^Island to^Staten-
Island on the ice, over a channel so deep
as to admit the largest ships in the Bri
tish navy, to sail up to NewyYork. aidT
The rendezvous of our fleet was at Sa
vannah in Georgia, , where I arrived after
a tedious passage, owing to j contrary
.winds and the most violent storrris,
which dispersed a great part of the fleet :
there we were obliged to remain. until
several ships, which had been obliged to
put into the Bahama-Islands^ joined us.
Thp army then proceeded? to i besiege
4

~3©Q
Charlestown ¦ in South Carolina. The
¦greatest, part, under the i Commander in
.Chieij proceeded by sea ; the other, un-
(dar the- command of General Patterson,
.by; land ;'and both -joined their forces be-
eforefjthat town. During the r time I re-
-niaine'd at Savannah, i'I had an opportu
nity 'of seeing about six hundred Indians,
< of the Cherokee and Creek nations, "-pre
paring and training themselves i for war.
This sight was very pleasing to me, hav
ing never seen any large body of Indians
together before.
Y The Indians abstain from women, take
..physic, and prepare their bodies for war,
; by frequently running,'; and using1 other
Irnamly icexercisesi. >"^ In one, not unlike
thd game we call goffj they shew great
.skili'arid activity.5 -They Were a very fine
race 5of men. One of their Chiefs canie

400
to pay his respect to the Commanding
Officer at Savannah. Reader, I think his
triumphant entry and dress will at least
make you smile. He was mounted on a
small, mean Chickesaw horse, about
twelve hands and an half high : . his dress
consisted of a linen shirt, a pair of blue
cloth trowSers, with yellow and scarlet
flaps sewed down the outward seams ;
over this he had on an old full-dress uni
form of the English foot-guards, the lace
very much tarnished ; a very large tye-
wig on his head ; an old gold-laced uni
form hat, Cumberland- cocked ; a large
gorget round his neck ; a sword, in a belt,
hung over his shoulder ; a tomohawk
and scalping-knife in his girdle ; rings
in his nose and ears ; his face, and
breast, which was quite open, painted
Various colours ; and a musket on his
shoulder. He Was one" of the most dis-

401
tinguished Chiefs amongst the whole In
dian nations, and was called the mad
dog. I took him for a madman ; and
never laughed more heartily in my life
than when I first saw him.
The beautiful red birds of that country,
which are known in England by the name
of Virginia nightingales, are as plentiful
in Georgia as sparrows in this country.
A negro man had caught a dozen of
them in a trap, and offered to sell, them
to me for a York shilling. I might h^ye
had; them, I, dare say, for sixpence; and
the cock-birds are sold in London by the
,bird-fanciers for three guineas a-piece. ,
When the siege of Charlestown was
finisbed, and the town taken, Sir Henry
Clinton gave me a warrant in conjunction
With my old friend Colonel Ferguson,
VOL. II. D t>

402
, either jointly or separately, throughout
the provinces of South and North Caro
lina, to regulate, inspect, muster, &c.
all Volunteer corps, loyal militia, and
"others; and to inspect * the 8 quantity Of
'cc-rh, cattle, &c. belonging to the in-
habitants ; andiJ! to ~ report " thereon to
Lord Cornwallis, who commanded in
the Southern Provinces."-' Lord Cornwal
lis Inost kindly told me, that,' although
T Wasa separated from r my old l friend
5 arid protector Sir Henry Clinton, if it
""was in his power to make my situation
pleasant/T had but to command him.
"To serve under the command of so good-
tempered and brave a soldier could riot
but be pleasing to me, and to every
; other officer who is acquainted with 'his
'goodness of heart. I should be wanting
'-%. Jcofnrrion justice; if I" did not testify
his' kindness arid protection towards -me,

403
which, from thaf;da,y to this moment,- he
¦» ' ' 'c '" " " -
has, fiever with-held from me.
The power and command invested hi
me by this warrant was very extenspe,:
it extended even so far as to empower me
to join the race of Carolinians together
in holy matrimony. This, however, re
quires explanation — By the laws and cus-
Jqms of Carolina, all justices of the peace,
: field officers, and colonels of the militia,
rbad a power to marry, and did , marry,
the inhabitants who lived at a remote, cfis-
tance from a great town. In the^ back
parts of Carolina you may search after ^n
angel with ap much chance pf finding_qne
as. a parson: there is no such ^|pnjr-j-I
jaiean, when RI was there. What, they
¦ffl^w.arr^l know not : it is not impossible
;bu.t.^they may have become more religious,
? moral, apd -virtuous, since the great af-
J> D 2

404
fection they have imbibed for the French,
In my time, you might travel sixty or
seventy miles and not see a church, or
even a schism-shop *. I have often call
ed at a dog-house in the woods, inhabited
by eight or ten persons, merely from curio
sity. I have asked the master of the
house, " Pray, my friend, of what reli
gion are you?" — " Of what religion.
Sir ?" — " Yes, my friend, of what reli
gion are you, or to what sect do you be
long ?"¦ — " Oh ! now I understand you ;
why, for the matter of that, religion does
not trouble us much in these parts."
This distinguished race of men are
more savage than the Indians, and pos
sess every one of their vices, but not
one of their virtues. I have known
* A meeting-house.

405
one of these fellows travel two hundred
miles through the woods, never keeping
any road or path, guided by the sun by
day, and the stars by night, to kill a parti
cular person belonging to the opposite par
ty : he would shoot him before his own
door, and ride away to boast of what he had
done on his return. I speak only of the
back- woodsmen, not of the inhabitants in
general, of South Carolina; for, in all Ame
rica, there are not better educated or bet-
ter bred men than the planters. Indeed,
Charlestown is celebrated for the splen
dour, luxury, and education of its inha
bitants : I speak only of that heathen
race known by the name of Crackers.
Had I continued to remain in this ca
pacity with my friend Col. Ferguson, I
might have suffered the same fate as he
D D 3

406
did at King's Mountain, where life Was
killed, and1 his corps defeated. Tlie
Americans had such an inveteracy against
Ferguson, that they buried all the other
bodies, 'but stripped Ferguson's of -its
clothes, and left it naked oh the field of
battle, to be devoured j. by the turkey ¦*
bu'zards/?a species of vulture in thrit
country.^" I state this merely to shew the
inveteracy of the eneniy ; for it is of little
consequence, in my Opinion, whether a
marl's body be devoured by vultures, or
embalmed as the ^Egyptian mummies are,
or buried in Westminster Abbey. If, iri-
deed, as Mahomet Is said to have done, I
could take my flight to Paradise on a jack-
"ass, that would be a pleasant ride. But
xFate destined me for other things : my
friend Col. Tarleton applied for me to be
^appointed major to the British Legion;

407
apd the Commander in Chief, Sir Hj-
Clinton, appointed hie before he sailed;
for New York.
etrThe reader will give me credit, I-tjrust;
for baying passe&rfthrdugb my campaign
to the north so peaceably as I have done*
having not dealt in the explpits of war
• further than was absolutely necessary tb
keep up the chain of my Adventures. . I
tryst also he will applaud my -humanity -in
not shocking his feelings : for, as yet,, fI
have not drawn one drop . of blopd,,.pf
the enemy ; nor is it my intent. X have
also studiously avoided relating rall £bj$e
calamities and horrors that in war .^affe
impossible to be prevented in ,the best-
ydisoiplined armies, some pf whicb, were I
to relate them, I assure the reader, would
^ make his wig stand on end on his bef d :
but a truce to murder, plunder, and deso-
d d 4

408
lation. Let the reader be assured; if his
wig is not incommoded by other circum
stances, my writings shall never disturb it.
>i t>bw ¦ iuoi,
:.J-In,.the progress the army under Lord
Cornwallis made to the upper parts of
North Carolina, I caught the yellow
fever at Charlottebourg. Tarleton was
just recovering from it as I sickened.
When the army marched from that town,
¦ myself and five officers, who had the same
disorder, were put into waggons and car
ried with the army. They all died in
.the first week of our march, and were
buried in the woods as the army moved
_pn. ,tn, :-,
a. . My sickness happened in the autumn,
.at which time the rainy season sets in,
, when small rivulets, which, generally, the
soldier may walk through and not * wet

40©
hifn above the ancles, swell, in a few
hours^ to such an height #s to take a man
up to the neck, "and oftentimes forsom^
hours impede the march of an army. In
passing several of these small brooks, the
straw on which I lay in the waggon was
often wettedjii Kind Nature had endowed
me" with aconstitution much stronger than
the generality of mankind, er the darmpjg
X encountered -must have killed- me.
The fatigue of travellings alone brought
the other five officers, in a very short time,
to their graves. V I took the advantage- of
the escort fof a* regiment, - which w^s
.ordered to leave the army and march
down out of North Carolina to Camabeji
in South Carolina, where I arrived safe,
tand all but dead, a There; Lord Rawdon
.(now -Earl. Moira) commanded. J. had
travelled over a great extent of country,
4n a waggon ; :sp that from the reughritss

410
of the roads, arid the general debility Of
tiny whole frame, I was reduced to soriie-
thmg -very like a skeleton.- I wasy indeed,
so weak that I could not turn myself, but
Was' forced to be moved by < my attend*
ants' when I wanted for ease to: change
My posture. In this miserable situation
I lay so long, first on one side, then on the
other, and then on my back, thit the bones
of my back and each hip came fairly; or
rather freely, through the skin. I then
bad no other posture to lay in but on iiay
stomach, with pillows to support me. 0
" - The reader may thirik that I exagge
rate the miseries!: suffered, for surely, no
than ever endured/more ; but, I pledge my
^feblrcrar, that all I relate is strictly ti?uer:
'jfesifc I. will give additional testimony
:to my own ; for, having the honour to
Xdinevat Lord Moira's house in St. James's

411
Place, about two years after my, arrival
in England, where his Royal Highness the
Prince of Wales, Sir Henry Clinton , Ge*
neral , Yaughan, General Crosbie,-*/ and
many other .'dffieers who had served /;in
America, were present, his rLordship
could j not refrain from a observing how
surprising it .was that a man should be
sitting in that company, whose bones he
had (absolutely seen at Camden^ come
through his skin. — Then disorder at last
fell down into my legs, which,) I am of
opinion, saved my life ; as that moment I
began to recover. Till that circumstance
I had taken nothing to support meibut
opium and port-wine for three weeks/ as
nothing else would stay on rny stomach. ,
:I flow began 'to have an appetite, and by
degrees I recovered; but for a long time
could not walk without the assistance of
6a& crutch^ If i do not actually o wenly
4

412
hfe to Earl Moira, I certairily am indebt
ed to him for the more speedy recovery
of my health, from the many comfortable
and nourishing things he serit mC every
day from his own table, which my ser-
-,f- ¦
vants could not make, and were not to
be purchased; and the butcher's meat
killed at that time of the year, is
absolutely little better than, carrion at
Camden. I was witness to the arduous task to
which this nobleman, young in years", but
a: veteran in abilities and military science,'
was appointed, and from which he extri-"'
cated himself with so much honour to his
talents and advantage to his country. —
Lord Cornwallis's army was marched
into, Virginia, and Lord Rawdon left to
protect South Carolina, with a feeble
force, against the whole power which
2

413
General Green could assemble iri both?
the provinces ; and he c unquestionably,
(without any disparagement to the mili-s
tary character of General Washington)
was the best and most, active officer iri
the whole American army. From Cam
den I went down to Charlestown, where
I found my old friend Doctor Hayes,
(now j3ir John Macnamara Hayes,) j phy
sician-general to our army, who assured
me, that, notwithstanding the great de
bility I laboured under, ^ my stamina was
sound and unimpaired; and that r if I
would either go to, sea for two or three
months, fj and, -i take my passage to the
northward, so as to s quit, for a short
time, that baneful climate, I should be
v- •- /
as good a man as I ever was, in respect;
to health. ^ Captain George Montague, ;
an intimate friend of mine, who cpm*c
manded the Pearl frigate, was ordered i

414
hy the Admiral, with the Iris , frigate,
Captain -Dawson, to cruize off the Ber-
Ijnuda Islands ; and he kindly took me Ph
hoard. xM remained at sea above three
months; and so beneficial rwasi the :sea-
voyage, and bathing i every morning dn
salt water, that, before three weeks .-were
passed, I had laid aside my crutch.
ha-During our voyage, I hadithe pleasure
of landing at Bermudas, a beautiful spot,
and the ;most healthy climate "on the
face of the whole earth. Sick persons
-from 'the West Indies and the Carolines
resort to this. island for- the recovery of
-their health, o. Being situated a great das-
-tance from any. land, it. feels not the Heat
<-jwF Summer.,: from the perpetual, refreshing
clhffle@e2i®f. the ocean. There arc here two
."^pfeoks of, fish,., uncommonly fine, andTof a
very luscious quality, called Grooper and

41*
y, e the ene equal to a fjAhrrafcr%f{;
the1 other superior in flavour to a carp.
This "island swarms with poultry, < and
yields the i finest onions, both which are
sent to the West Indies. Cedar wbad is
in great :> plenty on this island; so? much
so, that all the schooners and sloops are
built with it: they are very light : and
buoyant, and sail faster than any vessels.
Tlie time for our cruise being, expired,
¦, Captain George Montague bore away for
:>tbe Chesapeak-bay. We made the Gapes
? about two o'clock P. M. and were stand-
eingin to thebay. It was my intent tolandat
thefirst British port, and proceed to joinmy
regiment, the British Legion, command-
iied> by Col. Tarletom A privateer, how-
lever, fortunately bore down to us, and in-
c formed us that the Count De Grasse, with
aFteaeh fleet, lay rat anchor up the b^y.
bau »qoo"jQ Lolls: tv:hl£'?p zuohzvl Via"'

415
If it had nptbeen for this intelligence, we
should have anchored at night, in the
fniddle of; the French fleet, as we ima^
gined we should find the British fleet

Thus, by my being at, sea, for four-
months, did I escape being captured with
Lord Cornwallis's army, as well as the?
being made prisoner at sea by Count
De Grasse. We stood out a great
distance to sea that night, in order to
ayoid the track of another French, fleet
coming from Rhode-Island to join Count-
De Grasse,- and then made the best of s
our way to , New York, where we hear$
all the particulars relative to the situa
tion of Lord Cornwallis's army, which, iri
about six or seven weeks afterwards, sur
rendered to the joint forces of the French
and Arnericans.

* ¦ j
A\f
It is necessary for me to observe, that
I sailed from New York with that fleet
of men of war (in my friend Montague's
frigate) which took on board ten thou-'
sand chosen troops, the prime of the
British and Hessian forces, under the
command of Sir^Henry Clinton, with the
intent to relieve Lord -Cornwallis's army.
This force, unfortunately, arrived three or
four days after Lord Cornwallis's army
had capitulated, ~
The fleet;; with the troops on board
from New York, finding this misfortune
had befallen the army in Virginia prior to
their arrival, returned to 'New York.—
This misfortune drew, the war to a con
clusion. The next year Sir Henry Clinton went
home. I lost my kind protector and
VOL. II. E E

418
friend, and the army the best of men and
a most gallant soldier. — Sir Guy Carle
ton, now Lord Dorchester, assumed the
command of the army in America. . The
manner in which this gallant and distin
guished- veteran received me, after all
those officers, under whose auspices I
had served the whole war, were departed
for England, was highly gratifying to my
feelings ;' and the assurances he made me,
on. his arrival at New York, of employ
ing me in. a very active line,, (provided
the war had continued,) deserves my
warmest thanks.
: I cannot refrain from relating a ludi
crous conversation which took place be
tween Sir . Guy Carleton and myself, one
day when I, had the honour of dining at
head-quarters, immediately after his,- ar
rival, which strongly evinced his good

41-9
hninbur and affability.? The great skill
which, from years of practice, (even from
a lad when educated in Germany,) I -had
acquired in the knowledge of a rifle-gun,
and the precision and perfection to which
I had brought the art of shooting with a
rifle,- was well known to the army, and Sir
Guy Carleton had been informed of it. I At
dinner, he said to* me, sitting opposite to
him, " Major Hanger, I have been told
that yob are a rdost skilful marksman
with a rifle-gun. I have heard of 'asto
nishing feats that you have performed iri
shooting !" — Thanking him for the com
pliment, I told his Excellency, that I was
Vain enough to say, with truth, that many
officers in the army had -witnessed my
adroitness. 1 then began to inform SirOuy
how my old deceased friend, Col. Fergu
son, and myself,- had practised together,
who, for skill -and knowledge of that
E e 2

420
weapon, had been so celebrated, and that
Ferguson had ever acknowledged the su
periority of my skill to his, after one par
ticular day's ;>practice, when I had shot
three balls -running- into one hole. — Sir
Guy replied to this, " I know you are
very 'expert- in, this art." — Now, had I
been quiet and satisfied with the compli
ment the Commander in Chief paid me,
and not pushed this affair farther, it had
been well for me; but I replied, " Yes,
Sir Guy, T really. have reduced the art of
shooting with a rifle to such a nicety,
that, at a moderate distance, I can kill a
flea with a single ball." M At this Sir Guy
began to stare not a little, and seemed to
indicate, from the smile on his counte
nance, that he thought I had rather* out
stepped my usual outdoings in the art.
Observing this, I respectfully replied,!" I
see, by your Excellency's countenance,
-^& a

421

that veri seem doubtful of the sinsrtvlaritv
and perfection of my art ; but, if J may
presume soniuch'as to dare offer a -wager
¦to- my;; Commander in Chief, I will bet
r
Voiir Excellency- five guineas that T.kill
a'flea'With a single ball once in eight' shofe\
at eight yards ;" — (and; reader, I will, bet
vPU fifty guineas I do ; and, what is more,
the person who wagers with me shall de
cide -the bet, to shew that there is no
bubble in it.) .1 ¦ Sir Guy replied, "
dear Major, * I am not Jigiven to
wagers ; but for once I will bet you five
guineas, provided you will let the l fleet
hop." — A loud laugh ensued at the* table;
and, after laughing heartily myself, T
placed my knuckle under the table, and
striking the' table, said,j ",-jSir Guy, I
knock under, and will never speak of my
skill in shooting, with aj rifle-gun again
before you." E E 3

422

. Peace took place shortly after, when I ob
tained a passport, both from, the Congress
and the i French Ambassador at Philadel
phia, to repair to that city to visit my old
acquaintance the Duke de Lauzun, afterT
wards Duke > de Biron, and? afterwards
guillotined. >< I must confess, although I
had? a passport from the French minister
and from the Congress, ;< I was rather
doubtful and diffident how I should jour
ney acrpss the Ferries to Philadelphia in
the character of Major, to they British
Legion ; a Corps not much esteemed
by the Americans. But my friend, Mr.
Church, who resided many years, after
the war, in England, together with Col.
Wadsworth, who had acted with him as
Joint-Commissaries to the French army,
kindly took me under their protection 4[p
Philadelphia. These two gentlemen, in
great gOod humour, but not without some

423
degree of fear and displeasure on my part,
when they arrived at Princetown, invited
the celebrated, pious, and well-known
character, Doctor Witherspoon.i To this
pious man they exhibited me in such char
racters, that, although the Peace was .eon#
eluded, I truly believe the Doctor thought
his head in danger that night ; and Certain
I am, if he had heard that I had been
within ten miles of his pious and sancti
fied domain, he > would have buried the
last silver tea-spoon he was possessed of
ten feet under ground. yt« Thus did my
friend Church and Wadsworth amuse
themselves at my expence : and, what; is
more, 1 all they j told the Doctor t in good
humour and in fun, playing me off be
fore him,vthe pious tDiyine took for go
spel.
0frJ)5Vj3jbtW#ed»:With the greatest civility,
E E 4

424
not only by the French ambassador and
officers, but also with the most perfect
respect/* attention, and politeness by the
leading families in Philadelphia, particu
larly ^by Mr. l Morris the financier ; also
by Goverrior Morris, a gentleman who, I
think, at" that tirne filled the office of Se
cretary of State for the war department;
and though he had by sofrie1' misfortune
lost one leg,*that accident had' not in the
least impaired his understanding ; for he
Was''one"of the most sensible, the best-
informed, and most agreeable of men I ever
knew : But; above all others, I here with
pleasure pay that tribute of gratitude to
General Dickenson*, a distinguished of-
. * He was brother to the famous Dickenson, who
-idfi ii; :j . j- - ,.-:-
was called the Pennsylvania farmer, from having
written Letters under that ndme at the beginning of
the unhappy differences between Great Britain and
her' Colonies,: whisk: instigated the people to take up
<irms.

425
iicer in the Amerioan service, for the un*
common civility and attentipu he shewed
to mc : his house, replete with the tru
est hospitality, was open to me by night
and by day: his. mind was too-noble, too
enlightened, too expanded,? to think ill off
or -"-. harbour any rancour against me ou
apy other officer, who, by any active ser
vices, might have made themselves ob
noxious to the generality of Americans!
I am convinced, from my heart, that, had
I been of ten times more detriment tp
the Americans, his respect would in pup-f
portion have increased ; for he h^d, frprn
an early, period of the war, served his
country with distinction and alacrity, and
honoured those British officers who had
endeavoured, to the utmost of their abi-
iities, tp serve their king and country. ,mr
oris aibd-.a -. >, - ' .,-,';
S° J1 shall here relate a conversation that
o tcaiu.

420
took.' place one day at his table, before. a
large company ; and an opinion which I
gave relative to the future destiny of the
government of that country ; and I am
of opinion, that the. state of affairs there
is rapidly hastening a -. dissolution of
the United States. At that time, when
peace had r*i been concluded but a few
weeks, I was of that opinion ; and re
member well, when General Dickenson
asked me my opinion of the government
and of its stability, I communicated my
thoughts nearly in the following words :
" Sir, as long as General Washington,
and the pther principal military charac
ters and leading men in Congress,, who
have brought about this revolution, arp
alive, the government will remain as it
is, united ; but, when all of you are in your,
graves, there will be wars and rumours
oft wars in this country : there are too

427
many different interests in it for them to
be united under one government. Just
as this war commenced, you were going
to fight . amongst yourselves, and would
have fought, had the British not inter
fered: you then, one and all, united
against us as your epmmon enemy • but,
one of these days, the Northern and,
Southern powers will fight as vigorously
against each other, as they both, have
united to do against the British. This
Country, when its population shall bbe
completed, is large enough - for three
great empires. Look, gentlemen, at the
map of it : view how irregular the
provinces are laid put, running into each
other: look particularly at the State of;
New York ; it extends one; hundred and
fifty miles in length, due: north; and
in J no place, in breadth, " above fifteen
or twentv miles, f No country can be said

428
to have a boundary or frontier,' unless it's
exterior limits are marked by an uriford-
able river, or a chain of mountains not to
be passed but in particular places. The
great finger of Nature has distinctly
pointed out three extensive boundaries to
your country : the North River, the first ;
the Great Potamack, which runs three
hundred miles from Alexandria to the
sea, unfordable, the second ; and the Mis
sissippi, the third and last. When the
country of Kentucky is completely set
tled, and the back country farther ori to
the Banks of the Mississippi shall become
popular and powerful, do you think they
will ever be subjected to a government
seated at Philadelphia or New York, at
the distance of so many hundred miles?
But such a defection will not happen for a
very long, period of time, until the inha
bitants of that country become numerous

429
and powerful*: the Northern and South-
ern, ppwers will first divide, and contend
in arms.",
, I remember perfectly well General
Dickenson's reply to my opinion : " God
forbid that I should ever live to see that
day, or that such a dire calamity should
ever befall my country after my death !
Xef I am afraid that there may be some
just grounds of suspicion for the founda
tion of your opinions." I could not re
frain from, making some further observa^
tions relative to the future situation of
Arnerica ; for this liberal-minded man
insisted on my giving my opinions with
out the least restraint ; and I continued
my discourse as follows : — " The Ameri-
-' -'¦-. m-..- .. " ¦ . -. . -. j:;%
'' The new country of Kentucky at that time was
but'iri its infancy, and this day there are above eighty
thousand men able tcj bear arm". i \j

Cans, Sir, are grateful, and ought to be
grateful, to the French nation, for having
assisted them to gain their independence ;
but I think a day will come when the
Americans will have reason to curse the
hour that they ever admitted a French-*
riian into their country. Look,' Sir, to
Europe : throughout all that great conti
nent you will find, that wherever France
has gained a footing, she has ever, by the
intrigues of her emissaries, embroiled
those European powers iri disputes arid
wars; and used them to her interest: She
Will endeavour to aet the same by your
nation-, and make you subservient to her
interests, as she has done by other na
tions." ,1 am bound in justice and truth to add
the opinion of the company; and the
whole of them seemed much to underva-

481'
lue the sentiments which I entertained of
the policy of the French nation : and Ge
neral Dickenson replied, " Major Hanger,
in this point, relative to. the French, i you,
in the opinion of the company, and also
in my opinion; are totally mistaken ; for
the counsels or influence of the French
will never prevail amongst us: they can
never have any influence or power with
us." — Thus the conversation ended.
; The Americans, at that time, acted on
the truest principles of liberty and ho*
nesty. Little did they suspect that, so
young as they now are as an independent
pation, (for their independency has exist
ed Only about twenty odd years,) venality
and corruption should have established
its ascendancy with such rapid and gigan
tic strides, of which we have at this day
such, convincing proofs : for, although the

432
States of America are not thirty years old,-
infants, they may be called, as a power,
yet veterans are they in corruption and
state-intrigue. I claim no greater merit
for my opinions, relative to America,
than is due to Mother Shipton, who pro
phesied that London would go to Hamp-
stead ; and we all know that it is already
arrived within a few hundred yards of
it. I will risk a farther opinion relative to
-".-. i ':,;t-,,i._- <
America : should I live to a good old
age, I am confident that I shall hear.
. " ¦:¦¦ *¦'< i"
of the Northern and Southern powers
in America waging war with each other ;
when one party will solicit assistance
from France ; the other, from Great
Britain. It will then depend on the
judgment of those men who, at that pe
riod, may be at the head of the French
' "¦' 4

433
und British Councils, whether or not they
will interfere in American disputes. In
my humble opinion, it would be better
for both countries to let them settle the
matter ariiongst themselves.— I will be so
bold as to offer another opinion. We
should give up Canada and Nova Scotia,
to the Americans, provided we could
make this sacrifice the foundation of ari
alliance offensive and defensive With the
United States : then We never should be
obliged to send the prime Of the British
army to die like rotten sheep in the
West-India islands. In America we
could recruit forces for the West Indies
with men inured to an hot climate, who
would not suffer by death and sickness in
any degree equal to the new levies sent
from England ; with the additional ad
vantage of keeping put army entire and
in full vigour at home. I anxiously hope
VOL. 11. F F

434
and trust I -shall live to see the day when
an alliance offensive and defensive will
be formed between the two countries ;
i^i Y.'H ¦'¦ >~' ;•'¦'- '¦ '" ' : ;i-
as Great Britain and America may defy
the united powers of all Europe,. Surely
such an alliance between the two coun-
tries would, be more advantageous and
natural for both, than one with France,
One further observation, I recollect,, I
made at General Dickenson's table : — "in
process of time, when your Western*
territories are perfectly settled froni the
Ohio to the Mississippi, which in time
cannot fail to be perfected; and when
3rour Western and Southern Colonies be-
7;0():,. ; i -- '-¦' --.'i.-'.'
come in population as numerous as the
sands of the sea — then will the riches of
banr' """*-. • -' "¦ ¦ !.'.j 'iio?>
Pqtosi attract the attention of the Amen
ricans to the conquest of Mexico and
-8^ ' .- 1>: V -'V.--: '¦¦••> '¦..'.' \rfr. tp '.'-.- '
Peru . This is an, object wbich, frpm the.

43S
ftii^nitude of its wealth, is certain in
time to take place ; but, as that cannot
happen for at least fifty or an hundred
years, I think, Gentlemen, we .'should.
riot postpone taking a part of the wealth
of that' country immediately ; therefore t
freely 'brier my services to the Congress
on such an expedition ; and, on my ho
nour, I will serve them as faithfully as I
have my king and country! for lam a
Soldier of fortune." So, taking: the bot-
tie, T filled a glass, and drank to an ex
pedition against the (solden Spaniard.
My toast Was productive of much laugh
ter, mirth, and good-humour, together
with rriahy observations on the situation
and wealth of the Spanish 'Colonies so
Contiguous to them ; and I am inclined
to " believe, that, at that 'time, even the
company did not think that the posses
sion of the wealth of Mexico was quite
F F 2

436
so i difficult, or required so, many years'
application and study^as to arrive at
$hf$u: knowledge., of b the y Philosophers
Stone.;... Before I quit Philadelphia, I cannot re
frain, from [mentioning the toasts which
were -; always given after i dinner rat the
tables of the most < distinguished charac
ters. .< I was invited by the President <$£
the .Congress to dinner, when he gavp;the
following in rotation : — -The Congress-H-
;Qur great and good ally the _;_Kingr,-of
-Eranpe — The King of England— General
^Washington — Sir Guy Carleton.,: These
yvere the standing toasts; after which
M8W? convivial j and,, polite i> ones were
Wfi§m Atvtfee time that these gentlemen.
W^re toj^tipg^he King of Fjiance as- their
S?g^|j^Siigoo.4.'ally,npo0i:, Lewis never
dr^ni^drthat, they were drinking a sepsfe-

"mtmti to bis head fmxi 'hiiobou'y" ^^Wl
te -m-Jkb known no 'Wj '' Miafc the q^ve-rifelfi
whifeh hestftvoured in America: Mougfe
on his destruction and the revolut&iPiS
France.
rbiAftee imy - return from; Philadetp1ilaN&
NewcYoirk; Sir Guy Carleton 'gave me
leave1' to go to Nova SCotia, iri order
to petition' liter Governor of that province
to' allot lands for those soldiers of our re1-
gioaent;' the British Legion, who efroSeKb
remain and settle in America. -f I Safiafea1
at Halifax, and from thence 'sailed tolP&fc
Baieway an"d the River Jordan ; "i^^Ml
¦k&'.to many other places.^ This #&W»
try may be described > in a few-' wiJf^JS,
:Iwn^ilst province there" is'seven m§fftW
intense "hard vVinter ; during the* WfiBh
five;* the inhabitants ''i^ve1, ^without Ikfflf
inter m i^jpri/ 1 iff a3 ^Mc# rffogf d JdMBa feifl*
F F 3

4S8
j>ifies@ttlie poor settlers enjoy,. and f know
of no other: In one day they can Catch
enough cod-fish to salt, without ^bing
above four or five miles from the shprfei
tb osupVply two or three families) for la
twelvemonth ; with a small patch of po*
tatoes, therefore, they can never starved-
I saw nothing here worthy of obser
vation, excepting a :<perpetualt contmp-
j&jb3hj1 of rocks and stoney mountains,
and": an iron-bound coast, ' ¦'frightful', and
Dangespus to the mariner, b I was veoy
^Bor^bcing cast away on making- Port?
Mofieway^harbour : if the fog' haddn^at
cleared up a little, in half an hour man?
we ^hould have been driven by the <cu»
igHBisSn the breakers ; for then we Were
iffihgfTtai having had a faint view- of tih&
Jand1febrough,tbeibgJ.eariy that morning.
From Halifax I returned to New York,

430
on board a frigate commanded by my
did friend Captain Hawkins, now Admi
ral Witshead, where I refnairied until Sir
Guy Carleton, with the troops, evacuated
that country. With that fleet I took
my passage for England, and arrived in
the Downs after near seven years' ab
sence. • Some months before I quitted Ame
rica, when my worthy and true friend,
Colonel M'Mahon took his departure
for England, at his kind request- j» I
gave him a power of attorney, jointly
with my friend Tarleton, to endeavour at
an arrangement of my affairs prior to my
arrival ; as it was agreed that, on' my ar
rival in Europe, I should go to Calais,
arid there remain until I knew how, the
land: lay in: England,; M'Mahon, that I
T F 4

shp.uhl not be ..in Want, generowsiy gav©
me a. credit on, his banker in London. £ox
five buridrcd pounds, c-To this friend, I
eertfunly owe ,all, the happiness and mis^
fortunes I have. undergone ; fojvhad.it &©£
been for. Ins exertions, I never should
have eprae to, England,. bu,t gone to, Ger
many, where I. am certain the Landgrave
of Hesse-Cassel would hare requited . my
services -in. a far-more satisfactory manner
than., this .country* has. ,dpn£t-„ Would ata
Qpd. I, bad nevei-, -tp. this; hour* placed,_my
foot, or British gr.oundi! Lhad.blien.nijihal£r
gayas Major, in. the British sendee, which.!
could have, received, abroad? ; . arid, ¦ besides
^hj'Sj-, I, had about, two hundred and.forty
ppj||n^&;p<ei'ninnum left, me hy my; kind
SM9&kffr> which; stmi vy'ae then totally jra-
igip^,b;e.d., With my employment andrray
-aftjg HesBiam officer, in ¦ his Serene . HighT
-h/orls nv/o md no I'jzzyiy.ib \m "lo ..- -.,.

44 J
ngssjsvsorvicei, J could have1" lived '¦'$&&£%
magnificently, and riever Iiave known"
<iis&regsy or have been subjected to 'a. pri
son^ in a land, of liberty, 11 However, Fa*e
$ml decreed* it 'otherwise,
I am at length arrived at) a period' in
the "History of my Life when" I am abie-to"
testify my gratitude to a very old and in
timate friend, Mr. Richard Tattersall, for-
bis unbounded" friendship towards, Wf --a
liberality and generosity of conduct that
stands unrivalled. When he* heard that
Colonel M'Mahpn was deputed by me~t$
endeavour to arrange my shattered arid
plundered' circumstances, so as to enable
me to live- in my native country, mydeat
and worthy friend, old Richard,, waited
pffijColortel M'Mahpn, and joined, fei^^
pitj&iksi. in fact,: he too-MthqwdsoM feu¥v
then of my distresses on his own shoul-

442
.ders,* and employed his own lawyer ^t*b>
examine i^nd investigate my affairs.
I will not trouble the reader with mi
nute particulars, which could not be very
ariiusing to him : but, after about two
months' correspondence with me at Ca
lais, my friend Col. Tarleton was so kind
. , , ¦ - - i ¦.•¦-» t,
as to come over to Calais to visit me, by
Tattersall's desire, as he could, in a few
hours, make me more fully master of my
affairs than by writing fifty letters by the
post. Tarleton staid four or five days
with nfe ; nor shall I forget the letter he
brought me from Mr. Tattersall, to the
last hour of my life. It was as follows,
and ought to be written in letters of gold ;
" My dear Major,
" I do insist on it that you will come
borne' directly to England, to my house,
where yoif shall be made happy. You

443
have been robbed and plundered. I will
bail you from every body who may arrest
you ; and, if you cannot pay, I will. 7
" I am, dear Major, &c. ,
" Richard Tattersall."
-." - - .-.ii
- x-:i')ia
This letter, though very short, ihg.
reader must allow to be sweet. It is
necessary I should state, that, for some
years before I quitted England, I had
lived, when in affluence, in the strictest
terms of intimacy and friendship with
this worthy old man, and had constantly
kept up a correspondence with him dur
ing the whole of the American war. He
proved himself one of those few men, in
this world who do not desert an old friend
in distress. . .
It was agreed between Tarleton and
me,, before he returned tp England from

444
hisi friendly' visit to me at Calais, that
I should not return to London until T
had heard1 from him and Mr. TattPr-
sall, after his arrival there, a In about
ten. days I received letters, and t&ob;
my passage in the next packet for Do^
ver, and arrived at my old friend Tat
tersall's. house, Hyde-Park Corner, where
I, was received with the- .truest friend
ship, and remained under /his hospital
bv^roof foi? near a* twelvemonth afte-p*
W#ydj5,.[j; I here. held, a consultation. with
my lawyers, when they were of . opinion,^
i^pm the securities T had 'given, b$^©*»
my departure from England, ( for every
%rtliipg I owed, that I could not be cast;
i$i*,any.. action by which 1 might be ar-
?egf#dj: however, to make things more se**
qujjq^ my lawyers were prepared to-plead
the, Statute cf Limitations, {knew; ho'*.
then Twbat that statute- meant ; but ltd®

44

<

tmW most thPa?oQghly ; and I ##**# dfsG
gr&deful for i any man top! ead that sta^
tute; to evade the payment Pf just detrt§$
hntdisouTiSn my case, plundered and strips
pleddasi Triad been, and brought in 'debt
by Vthose who were the cause of my' ruin1,'
by compelling a sale of my estate, the
particulars of which I have already re
lated, Yrom the unfortunate death of my>
agent Mr. Wyatt, who, had he lived,
would f have prevented all my misfor-*
tunes.noWhile he lived, l theyf could riot
Iiave foreclosed the mortgage ori my^
estate ; -and "T should have been worth
ten thousand pounds, instead of being'
beggared and ruined. • It is not for met*)''
comment on the propriety oi* impropriety*
of my own conduct:*- 1 relate the faefs^
and let the world judge me. From TafcP
tersaH's" house -I' sallied into the'wbrnf,T
arid in.a- short- time* was arreste'd,'for 'be-'.

440
tween seven and eight hundred pounds;
This was all that was against me. ! Old
Mrj Richard, and his son Edmund, (now
my friend, the present Mr. Tattersall,)
were my constant bail.'
:g I brought the actions into court; and,
the first cause I tried,""' the jury never left
the box, nor evert consulted together for
more than a couple of minutes, and gave
a verdict for me : after which, all the rest
withdrew their actions, of which, T be
lieve, there were nine or ten.L'1
¦My lawyers being prepared with the
Statute of Limitations, as the great salvo
of all; was of no material benefit" to me ;'
for the whole World knows that a jury
(especially of: tradesmen) will never per
mit any statute to be pleaded to bias their4
judgment, when they perceived a direct-

447
inject pf the person to defraud a just ere*
dj|qr ; but mine was a very different easel
After I had been ruined and. robbed of
my estate, and plundered of my whole
property, these creditors of mine were not
satisfied, without endeavouring to confine
my body in a jail. Thus, by compelling
a sale of r my estate before a Master in
Chancery, from the unfortunate decease
of my friend Mr. Wyatt, at a time when
land was fallen full one-third in value, I
was undone ; and, instead of being worth
ten thousand pounds, was made about
eight hundred pounds worse than nothing.
I had now to begin the world again, after
having served my country faithfully seven5
years. o3Had I not gpne to America;* :Ib
should have kept my estate f_0 .this* sm ©eft
ment ; for, while I remained in Eaglaqdi'i
my.. creditors could not haye forced asale^

¦ The sujfiriier after I came to England,
his Royal Highness the' Prince of Wales
did me the honour to take rne down with
him to Brighton. * T never shall forget
the two or three first seasons I hlad the
honour of being vvith him there. ' Iri till
my days before and since,- I' never passed
my time mare agreeably ©r With gtcitc?
happiness; — they1 > Were tiiidecd the plea
santest days of my -life. 1-liad good health,
good spirits; was not iri '¦* debt ; and had
no earthly care whatever to distract rnv
« j
mind. But, of late years, hoW-has-For--
tuae frowned upon me I
i, If I were not to acknowledge the obli-
gallons I owe to the Prince of Wales,
I should be worse than ungrateful ;al
should bo the basest of men. In af-
fluence, in poverty, at liberty, and wlietf

449
iitprisQ©, his kindness to me has never va
ried : but, for one action beyond all others,
I 'am truly indebted to him : when a pri
soner, and deprived of the power of vin-r
djaating myself jn public circles; where
the ever-busy tongue. of calumny tried to
strip me pf the only wealth I possessed, my
character as anpffiper and A gentleman ; he
nobly came forward, pledging himself tp
thefalsehoodof the assertion, and stemiaei
the tide of public calumny, until justice
and the law of the land proved the baseness
of the aspersion, and covered my enemies
with shame. For above sixteen years X
have had the honour of his protection
^jid? acquaintance : it is hard, indeed, jf I
did not know him in so long a period of
time, when I have viewed him in every
stage, in health, on the bed of sickness
ja convivial and in serious hours. This.
Prince is but little known to the world
VOL. II. G G

at! large, who judge of himsfrom reppf-t
only. What'ris' common' report, bufrfl
common prostitute? To make flier the
staridard of truth, is as erroneous a$>to
make the cameleon the standard, pfppf*
lour. A day shall come, vipers, when ffi
shall be compelled to swallow the poison
you here spit forth. By my honour, and
the Sacred love and reverence I bear to
truth, I am not induced to speak of him
from, his dignified station in life : I speak
not of him as being Prince of+Walesr.
Were he an ensign on half-pay, with no
other support than that scanty pittance;
br> a iclergyman serving three churches for
forty pounds a-year-— two situations most
j^plpr^ble, and the least to be envied in life
t-wJ, would select him, above all mankind,
for ;--, a i companion and friend; and by his
judgment I would be guided in the, mp$t
weighty and intricate concerns. .-His ens-

45*
Mies even acknowledge that he is- the
most accomplished and best-bred gentle?
man of the age ; a master of languages;
and an elegant •: classical > scholar — three
dJstiftgriished qualities rarely to be met
in one man?' ' :

The year I came to Eftgland, the con
tested election ?for Westminster (Fox,
Hood, and Wray, candidates) took place.
The^ walking ! travellers, ^ Spillard and
Stewart, the Abyssinian Bruce, who has
feasted on steaks cut from the rump of "a
livirig ox ; ~and various !- others, who,- in
their extensive travels/ have encountered
wild beasts, ' serpents; ^ and crocodiles?,
breakfasted and toasted *' muffins at the
mouth of a Y volcano — whom hunger
have, with joy, compelled to banqwet
ori the leavings of a lion or a tiger, or
¦ thecarcase of a dead alligator — who can
G G 2

452
boast 'of smoking the pipe of peace With
the Little Carpenter and the Mad Dog —
arid lived on terms of the strictest inti-
macy with the' Cherokees, the'Ghieke-
saws, and Chuctaws, and with all the
dws and ees of that immense coritiriertfM—
Who, from the more temperate shore of
the Mississippi, have extended their course
to the burning* soil of India and to the
banks of the Ganges — from the frozen
north European seas to the banks of the
temperate and' more genial To— -may
boast their worldly experience and know
ledge of human life— but no one, in' my
"bum hie opinion, has seen real life;i>r
1 Can "know*- -it, unless he has taken art ac
tive part in a contested election for^VVest-
niinster/' In rio school can "a rhan'be
'taught a better lesson of human ** life 'than
at a ' cOnte^sted Westminster election :
'there eati he view hufnaft nature hf'-fter

-iu

453
basest -attire ; riot, murder, and drunken *
jiess are the order of the day, and bribery
and perj ury walk hand in hand ; for men ,
_wh.pJiad.no pretensions to vote, were as
.j&deqty to. be found in the Garden as tur
nips, who, at a very moderate rate, were
-tinduced to poll. A gentleman*,, to make
..himself of any considerable use to either
^ party, must possess a number of engage-
-ing, familiar, and condescending quali- ¦
..ties.:- he must help a porter up with his
,J|oja.d, shake hands with a fishwomanf pull
his hat off to an oyster- wench, kiss ,a
ballad-singer, and be familiar with a beg-
. gar. -. If, in addition to these amiable ,.gpod
qualities, he is a tolerable good boxer,
can play a good stick, arid in the even-
_, jng drink a pail-full of all sorts, of, li-
,, quors . in going the rounds to solicit
. voters atT their various clubs, then, in-
deed, he is a most highly finished and
G g 3

, , 454
useful agent.— In all the above accom-
plishments and sciences, except drinking,
which I never, was fond of I have the
vanity to believe that I arrived nerer 0to
perfection than any of my rivals.
j I should be ungrateful, indeed, if I did
not testify my thanks to those gallant
troops,, of high rank and distinguished
% fame, the knights of the strap, and the
black-diamond knights *, who < displayed
so much bravery and attachment to our
cause- !S By my soul, they, arc higher in
my estimation than all the knights, in
Christendom together, not excepting even
^hejKnfghts of Malta, with Quixote Paul
_atj their.bead. At that time I formed a
jjreq,t intimacy with them, ?ii which has
continued to this day between us, for I
,* The Irish chairmen, and coal-heavers.

never forget my old acquaintances wheri-
eve*#*F mee^'therh, nor look upon my oM
friends with a new face, which is^too
much, in general, the ' custom* of the
world. -We have" shaken hands arid
drank together frequently since the time
of our active services ;' and I trust I shall
live J to taste many a good pot more of
brown stout with them : I will ever sic-
kno wledgetheir 'gallantry'rjand honest at
tachment.1

I -Was eye-witness to a very singi
circumstance, which if I did riot '$$¦
fate, ;I ' should be a very unfaithful ; his
torian : — When the "numbers for "Lord
John Townshend began to1 iricrease r£-
pi'dly on1 the poll, the adverse party, to
delay bur polling so many in the day,
substituted a device to delay our exer-
-$¦
tions,/a'nd to lessen the numbed -on the
g g 4

456
poll-book, and insisted that every man'
who came to vote should take the test-
oath. The celebrated Edmuhd Burke,
of pensioned memory, came before the
hustings to give his vote, accompanied
with Peter Delme, Esquire; when .the
poll-clerk for the opposite party informs
ed Mr. Burke, that he had positive orders
not to permit any person's name whats-
e-ver to be entered on the books unless
they had taken the test-oath. Mr. Burke
began to expatiate with him on the sub
ject,? presuming, that, as he was a mem
ber :pf parliament, he would not insist
pn his, taking the test^ oath. ^- But the
clerk was positive, and Mr. Delme
n^ade^no objection, though he also was
in - ;. Parliament, took, the test-oath, and
accordingly gave his vote. But. when
J&e, clerk offered- Mv-:, . Burke the, j Tes-
lqpi&it,: :M$. Burke, ^with an- indignant

45?
look, and a rage "not to be describ*
ed, snatched the '"book out of the clerk's
hands/ and threw it at his head : then
¦¦addked- indignantly away, muttering his
rrasntapoenty.butjwithotit giving his votei
Brido not mean, < by ,1 this narrative of sim^
pie facts, in the smallest degree to imply
any thing more than that Edmund Bttike
Was very shy ofthexTestamentj on that
Occasion. *><
I beg it may be well Understood/.^bxJ-
fore I proceed with remarks -on the Westr
minister elections, that it is very far from
my intent to sing a recantation Pf my
e-Wri actions ; bfifc, after years of coof fe-
:fiectibri, I reflect with horror, that the capi
tal should have been so convulsed for four
-or: five weeks by the faction of two par-
tkT& contending for power. I trust! s&atl
-Mvgdtovsee the time that all elections "wnl

458
finish in one day, and the votes taken pa
rochially, which Mould effectually pre
vent riot and perjury, and many other in
ferior crimes which at present are com
mitted at all elections. Fine speeches
every day were delivered from the hust
ings, endeavouring to impress the minds
of the people with the freedom of elec
tions,'.- and how disinterestedly Liboth
parties acted for the public good, for
the liberty of the people, and freedom of
the nation.
> I am bound in -honour to render jus-
tice1 to each party for the striking
1*11 oofs they gave of the sincerity of their
pf-ofessions ; as it - must" be admitted that
they manifested it -to" ari eminent degree
fey the freedom they displayed in break
ing: each other's heads. Of that species
®f liberty each were abundantly lavish. ".

45 ft.
. At present I must conclude the subject
of Westminster ^ elections ;t-[but, in,;my
third volume, it is. my intent to j treat
more at large on that, and on all ofheij
elections. g. The reader, I hope, will pardon .me
now forsaking a very, long hop, step,
and jump, over a period of above twelve
years of my life, more replete with anec-»
dptes, and fully as fluctuating in chcum*
stances, as those years I have already de-*
scribed. For a narrative of those twelve
interesting years, I must entreat their |>a->
ticnce for a £e\r months longer, unttba
third ^ volume of my Life, Adventuaf^j
and Opinions appear before thecP,ubljftq
for I find these pages swelling to ,such)ffct
great extent that I am, compelled haSti^yl
to conclude the volume, and app«>a^for
that period when I surrendered as a pri>

400
saner to the marshal of the King's Bench
prison. I am peculiarly anxious to relate
my conduct when there, and the^ conse
quences which led me to suffer eon-fine?
ment. As I am neither ashamed or afraid
of making known any thing I have done,
the public shall be minulely informed of
the particulars. S
-.
Prior tb that circumstance taking place,
jit will be necessary briefly to narrate by
what means I was reduced to ruin, after
baying got over all former difficulties;
and.had been blessed, not only with.a
comfortable, but an afluent annual iu-
<^>me, which was much more than I had
-reason, to expect I should have attained,
• afterthe various changes ofw fortune and
.-poverty ^^experierjc^^: ;

^.^Jor^evei'a-L years the East-India Cprif-

461
fiafiy%ad done me the honour to employ
me on the recruiting service, in this court-?
tfy, -for their army in India. There was
he-salary attached to the employment: the
rrrbre active my services were in behalf of
€he° 'Honourable Company, • the greater
were my profits. I had brought I this
business to such perfection, that I' never,
any year after the first, made less than six
hundred pounds' profit, '• During the first
Jear I intrinsically lost five '''hundred
pounds, which was expended to set this
g^Fea*j machine going. " After having once
wound up this recruiting-dial, -it'Wkftk
ed but little regulating/ which my sub-
^sequent successes arid regularity prov4-
ed?; I had extended my communications
W wide and general, that there Was Hot
a town in England, of consequence,' J/m
which I had not established a regular
?feridezyous; To my worthy and J kind

452-
friends, Sir Stephen Lushirigtoh and Mr.
Devaynes, I am indebted*' for !n this em^
ploy ment. At the death of Major Wel-
donp who had a warrant to recruit for
the East-India Company," they recom
mended me to succeed him. -AVith truth
I may say, that, for several years, I occu
pied this employment to the satisfaction
of the Honourable Company and with
credit to myself.
An unfortunate dispute *-> bet ween the
Board of Controul, and the Directors of
the Honourable East-India Company,
took place, relative to the building of
a 'barrack in this country to receive5 the
Bast-India recruits prior to their being
praibarked for India. This system the
India Directors opposed^ to a man,l ex
cepting the Chairman and Deputy Chair
man. A long "debate took place on this

40a
: f,;(at which I was present) in the
public court-room, and a very great ma
jority, iby vote, threw out the plan for
erecting barracks. The Board of Con-
troul, after that question was carried by
ai jx very i great majority of Proprietors
against them, . thought fit to change!
the whole system of * recruiting for the
Honourable Company's army in India,
and gave them recruits from Chatham
barracks. This put it out of the power
of the Honourable (Company to employ
nae any longer, t Thus I lost a very cosnH
fortable maintenance J It was not tab
loss pf six hundred pounds per i annum
(and I solemnly declare r I never made,
less) that I had alone Ho lament ;T hut,
having the honour of being employed* by
the India Company, I was perfectly satis!
fiedwith my~ occupation, and judged] it
a> i a certain employment for life ; «®»id?

4<54
as such it was universally considered;'
The Honourable Company would ne
ver have discharged me from their ser
vice but in case of malpractices, which I
trust they know I am incapable of com
mitting. This certainty, as I looked on:
it, made me forego iriany other advan
tages. One, particularly beneficial, was
proposed to me. A reputable army-
agent, who, it is very well known, made
near thirty thousand pounds in the busi
ness, proposed to me (he having a ca
pital sufficient) to join with him in
recruiting men for the new regiments
which were going to be raised just at
the breaking out of the war, and to be
concerned together in a general agency-
linp- I could also, have been appoint
ed Lieutenant-Colonel tp a regiment of
cavalry then raising on the Continent^
which, since that period, has been esta-

465
Wished, and is now in full pay. These
two objects did I relinquish: the first, ,,
from principles of honour ; that, when
employed by the Honourable the East-
India^ Company, I could not engage to
assist in recruiting for the line: as for
the second, it was not worthy my atten
tion to take an employment so inferior in
point of emolument to the one I already
possessed. I did not only suffer from
losing an employment which brought me
in annually above six hundred pounds ;
but, I lost at least six years of exertion,
expended to no permanent solid purpose
hereafter ; and, during such a space of ,
time, an active mind, which, thanks to my
God, I am endowed with ! would, if this
employment had not presented itself,
have struck out some other equally as
advantageous, and more to be relied on
for its continuance ; for, in so large a capi-
VOL. II. h H

466
tal as London is, if a gentleman be not
too proud to follow various occupations,
he may very readily, and with not much
trouble, find some employment which
will prevent him from falling into the
'- ~'J~'
miseries of want ; although the business
he undertakes may not be of sufficient
emolument to render his situation af
fluent. One misfortune seldom comes alone.
Indeed I am convinced of it : and, my
bn<: dear reader, have you not generally found
it so ? — I had also, for near four years, en
joyed a salary of three hundred pounds
per annum, as Equerry to . his Royal
Highness the Prince of Wales ; which
salary the arrangements made by Paiiia-
ment, relative to his Royal Highness's
Lisa-. .- - . - fc>---,:
affairs, deprived me of, by the reduction
of his household. Both these losses I sus-

46?
tained, and heavy ones they were ; nay,
they were the more distressing, because
the one took place shortly after the other*
Thus, reader, did I lose, suddenly and un
expectedly, an income of* above nine hun
dred pounds per annum — all at once, as it
may be said. The two above employments
were surely most pleasant, and much to
be envied ; as the profits derived from the
first sprang from an honest exertion in
the service of the East-India Company ;
the emoluments derived from the second
einplpyment, were given me by a person
age, whom it was not only an honour,
but a pleasure to serve. I have reason
to complain bitterly of my misfortunes
at this period of my life; for I am of
'opinion there is no other instance of any
person losing an income of nine hundred
v.-,.-, .-• --. . r'x •'..
pounds a«year without having been guilty
H h 2

469 •'.'¦'-'. \ l
of some misconduct or malpractices ; but
it was my misfortune that my pecuniary
resources should be subjected to events
which could not be foreseen or avoided,
-'" ' , - ¦ • il
Once again I had risen to a state of
ease and happiness, after the various-
misfortunes I had suffered, when I was
again most suddenly reduced to the great
est-distress. I had fondly brought my
mind to think that I had weathered all
the storms in life, and brought my vessel
into a quiet snug harbour : but how was
I deceived! for the hurricane of misfor
tune, without giving me notice, drove me
from my comfortable moorings into the
troubled ocean, once more to seek the
necessaries of life. I now began gra
dually to measure my steps towards the
^King's. Bppch ; and, on the 2d of June

46a
17,Q8, I surrendered to that prison, where
I remained until the 6th of April ] 799,
on which day I was discharged.
Prior to my surrendering to the King's
.Bench, I was engaged in a family law
suit, which was decided by arbitration
before a Master of the Court of King's
Bench; by this I gained a considerable
sum of money, when I compounded for
my debts, and was discharged. My affairs
on this occasion were settled in the fol
lowing manner : — My creditors were paid
seven shillings and sixpence iri the pound,
in cash ; and I signed a bond to them, to pay
them the remainder in future from every
property I might have to receive by will,
reversion, or entail . After allotting to them
tbe various sums assigned them, there Were
forty odd pounds remaining, which I
took for my own use ; and that was all
h h 3

470
Ireseived to myself, uxl therefore started
again to run> the course' of life, "with
forty pounds capital stock.
.And'/ now I shall beg forgiveness -if
1 once more introduce myself into the
Rules of the King's Bench, in order
to * mention a circumstance i which" I
trust the reader will believe ; r but if lie
has not faith enough in my word, I can
shew him written documents, as I have
preserved all the bills as brought in every
Monday morning bymy servant when they
were paid : those bills will prove, that, ori
the average, I never spent.above three stub.
lings any one day during my residence in
those blessed regions of rural retirement.!
I had two reasons for living so cheap :
first,1 being of . opinion ri a prisoner ? for
debt should not be squandering money ;
nor should he dive sumptuously, yet he

' 471
$«ixri& not deny himself the necessaries
of life: secondly, I was determined to
ascertain how cheap a. gentleman could
live, and want for nothing necessary to
Msymadntenance, namely, a heartybreak-
fksi and dinner every day. ,-r Bread and
beer were cheaper at that period than at
this moment ; but tmeat was much the
same. };. The reader 1 must be inform
ed that' I drank nothing ibut por
ter. Y Before I surrendered to the King'sl
Bench ; nay, from the very) commence*
ment of this war, I endeavoured, by every
means, and by repeated applications; jtbf
be employed on active service: I event
proposed to form a corps, from theeoh^
victs ; shewing how, after the war, they
might be provided for, and not be turned <
adrift iii the world again : And two

472"
years before the act for that purpose todk
place, I suggested the permission for. the
militia to enlist in the regiments of the
line. I also proposed to ¦¦ be allowed to
take one thousand volunteers, at a small
bounty, from the militia, and train f bets'
to the use of 'the rifle-gun — a science
which I have made my study ever since
I was sixteen years old.
finding every channel -shut up to my
solicitations for employment, I- then re
solved to apply myself to trade, arid, iff
May i-Soot, commenced coal-merchant;;
It has~ been circulated and reported, in
order to injure me in my new profession,
that I receive a certain sum per chaldron;
commission. On my honour, the report
is absolutely false ! I am allowed- an an
nual salary, which, with prudence, will
keep me from want, by a generous

473
friend, who has undertaken this business
to serve me, and to set the trade a-going* .
By the distinguished favours I have.
already been honoured with, by a fur
ther protection from the Public in favour
ing me with their commands to supply
their families with coals, and by the Or
ders which are weekly increasing, I shall,
I trust, be able to relieve my friend from
his anxious exertions, and to establish the
trade myself, in a few months, on a
solid and permanent cominerqial basis.
Sunt rmhi delicice, sint mihi divitide,
Carbones, is my motto. May the black-
diamond trade flourish with rae ! which,
if it receives, as I trust it will, a ge
nerous support from the Public, cannot
fail of success.

4:

To a man whose affairs have been, so
VOL. II. i i

474
deranged for a long period of years, it is
no small degree of satisfaction that his
pecuniary obligations are confined to a
verv few persons. <¦ Mine are concentrat-
ed in three noble Earls — the largest sum
no
two hundred pounds, the smallest one
hundred. At the same time that I ac-
rioiJ
knowledge my gratitude, it is doubly
pleasing, on reflection, that, their charac -
ters.are so eminently respected by the
world at large, as well as bv.me.
One singular mark of generous friend
ship I experienced from an old acquaint
ance, who had been for years acquainted
with poverty, (that worst of crimes,) and
who came suddenly, by the death of a
near relation, to a command of money.
He offered me two thousand pounds, re
questing me not to think of paying him
until I should be a rich man. I refused
i.dltni.i. ¦. ., ¦; ,„. .„ ;• ' -

475
it, on this principle— I knew' I never
should be able to repay him; and held.it
dishonest to borrow a sum so large that
I never should be able to refund. I took
one hundred pounds from him : he press-
ed the whole on me, almost to an injunc
tion. Twice have I began the world anew.
I trust the present century will be more
favourable to me than the past.' — Valete
et plaudite !

THE END.

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