PUBLISHED 'OT , I t -S-Ji No. 9 MU^il AY STREET, NEW ZE 7j— — Fride, 15 Oents Si^3j ^ Advice Gratis. Afloa: and Ashore. ■ a All’s Fair in Love and War, All lu Der Family. Alladdin and the Wonderful A^ 6 n*y and Cleopatra Mar« l ied and Settled. .AvSlf rif> Que^ious. An nt Dinah’s P ledge. Babes in the Wood/The, Bachelor’s Bed-rooitb The- Bad. Temper, A^-, BaililPs Danish ter. The, Beauty and the. Beast. Betsy’s Profile; Big Banana,. The. Black CrookVB’rrle6 -Crumpled RoseJUeaf- A Cure for Coqitettes; A Dancing Bafber, The . Dark Deeds. DB'chman in Ireland, V'JiJt dbie Situation, An. ,^airy Freaks. dly Pictures; '""--lily Pride. , #Faiqiry7The., . ife'.-The'! ^ Fif .ten Years of a .Drunk- d^s iJre. eside Dip IbrnKtey . ; i- or, M^SDhug h- t.er'sDow^jf/ ' FiW Prince,. y he. ^ F nyts ofthe Wine-Qup', 'Eqipiished Apart merifs. : Qa^ielle de JBe.lle Isle;. aintoM Btiliards, A, #r.plff^an Am L A. ^ttmiup^lfi 'the wbi^d. . ,C>i4ls^1|the Period, The. Gispat(jhi The, " - . H|f'fe(j^|i1|Little RgdTUding Harvest StOTihiiihfe. . ,Ha^^i%lugrdn.^A. di,ai.l fi #fe. .1 ' Hop pQ % luon. The. . . ■How x^lliJlAccoiuaJts With | :^VYeurT^iuhdTess.; ; Hurrah dCff Paris ! I’P TeU Your Wife jl X^o-iuf^Your. Wife, thgomar,,.,' . , ^ III human . ; , i ipiiliish D’tagobn. -f IIS^ Engagfemdht^An. Da rk N oigh t’s Bukineal, J J a ;T%e Giant Kiefer A)awnef Love, The. ' ^ J^Ws theLad. '• Decree of Divorce, The. -r - Deeds of D^-eixdful Note runkard to Juliet Love Letter. tlMffine and.^P«trucl|iQ:> le.i^ - ' i rop, The. I 4 rt Xaly, The. La r Allows it, The S -lle Mistake, A. Those Lau^ Who Win. arick Boy, The, (Paddy Miefe’ Boy)i. Little ^ed Ridiai^ Hood, on; Pt Lusi Lovt >ee()u^ 1 Love ucy PT^inary 1 L ver, sriti .oomer. Ljrrict Mad,.f mnsie. i 7 MarrifdW Jaws, 23 ie.'‘ Mariy. I* at ,r Masl(^y cdl the time^ shouts out: “Ob, Sally is DESDEMONL’M.'N AK ETHIOPIAN BUTiLESQUE, IN THREE SCENES. NEW YORK; HAPPY HOURS COMPANY. No. 1 CHAMBERS STREET. o -■•-.nc jii' DBSDBMOI^UM. CHARACTERS, OXELLEII. Iagusi. CaSHUM. I' Eoderigum. Brabantium. Judge, Desdemonum. Musicians, Officers,' &c., &c. COSTITMES. Burlesque costumes of Othello. PBOPEKTIES. . Tamborine — Banjo — ^Bope — Ladder — Doca* bell, to ring outside — Judge’s bench, railing and wdtness box for Beene II.-— Sofa — Cushions — % chairs — Bagger — Handkerchief. Entered ^cording to "1- Great mind Id ^o and drown myself 8. me old washing-tub. ^ Iagum Drowm cats and blind puppies ! Cere’s fish ip do sea nFSDKMONUM. 5 Jn:«t as £roo(l aa any ]n (le. market clat be ! BotL {Producing hanjo,) Yet one more dose my lu rilgib? Uf clat don’t fotcli her, dam if I lib ! (Sees ladder. De jig’s lip for good — dat ladder tells de tale. lagum, (Picks up Otel's hat,) It’s dat nigger Oteller. Let’s kick up a gale ! (Buigs door-hell fiercely^ while Bod, pounds. Brahantium puts head out of ivindow. Bra, Who dat makin’ fuss dar ? Bod. Desdemomim’s cut her stick. Bra. Ring de bell and beat de gong, I’ll make Oteller sick ! AIL Ring de bell and beat de gong, Fetch your swords an’ guns along, While I sing a little song — My darter^s cut her stick ! Scene II. — The CourUroom at the Tombs. Judge on the bench. Crowd standing round. Hum of voices. Judge. Take off your hats, quit buzzin’, Fetch in dat bulky nig ; While de goose am cookin’, Guess I’ll dance a jig. (Dances a breakdown. Enter officers with Otel., Brabantium, R. Judge. Brabantium, what’s de matter, dat you look so blue? Bra. Dat darky’s stole iny darter, but de act Til inafce him rue. DfeSDEIttONUM. udgt. To this what says Oteller? Judge, de fact am so ; De gal, y6u see^ got struck wid me, ^ And would to parson go, ^ I ain’t much on de talk, but when fightin’s round I’m dere. Knock de chip from off my shoulder, and for bloody work prepare Bra, He’vS bewitched her, dafs de matter ; come de Hoodoo on de gal. He’s played de black art on her, and lagum is his pal. Let him gub me back my darter, gub my Desdy back to me, And send him to de Island, whar such fellers ought to be. Judge, We’ll hear de girl’s opinion. See, she comes dis way. Now, Desdemonum, what you got to say ? Enter Desdemonum, r. Song.— Desbemonum. When duty calls, de wise gib ear— Dat principle I freely own. My husband’s claim in law holds good. I owe mv faith t^ him alone. ^ Bra, To dat Jamaica nig? Why, gal, you’re blind. 2>6o, I see de feller’s wisage in liis mind ; ^.•eauty’sJjrlt skin deep anyhow, you know. e It' since you’ve done de mischief you kin go ; your cjQ peeled, Moor, nor cuckold be — ■ 1 digged bei^ old daddy, a-ud may .thee. V {Exeunt severally^ li. and L. Scene 111. — .1 Chamher in ike house ' CHshionB^ two chairs. Enter Iagum, k., with a hand her chi lagum. Now for de iiex’ t’iug ou de pe.ppergram. Dis han’kerclnim I fouu’ upon de stairs Oteller gave to Desde. Til convey it Straightway to Michael Cashum. Then Oteller ril painp so full of stories heT he jealous. Sack Mr. Cashum, and I'll git his place. {Exit Enter Otel., l., meeting Desdemonum. Ees, My dear Oteller, dinner's on de table. Otel, {Aside,^ How cool she takes it. Whar's dat han'kerchuni dat an Egyptian to my mudder gib ? Des, Bodder de han’kerchum ; come, git your hash, Otel, De hau’kerchum ! Des, Your hash, I say, is ready. Otel, ril settle Cashum's hash. You gub it to him. Jus' now, I seen him Avipe his mouf wid it, Des, It's no such t'ing ! I drop it on de stairs. Otel, Den say your prayers and die. De han'kerchum 5 De han'kerchum! [Draxos her^ hivhing^ to sofa. Song. — Desdemonum:. Good-bye, husband ; good-bye, dad, To go off this way's quite too bad. Let's have one squall before 1 slide, And den to go I’m s;».tisfled! ^ i! ^niviaers her with the cushions, Otel, Now, coinc la all ; ■ For one last look 8 DKSDEMOXUk. Ere black O toilet’s like is took. Cashum. Dere’s some foul lie been goin’ round, Dis ’kerchief on de stairs I found, And used it but my nose to blow OteL Den dere’s an end to all my woe. Fiddlers, scrape ! and fifers, play ! For here’s the deuce and all to pay ! (^Stahs himself and falls on Desdemonum^ s hody. The characters join hands and dance around them. Steller and Desdemonum get up and join in. Tableau. Curtain. ];)E trouble Begins a* 'Iink. J!lN -A.CT FOR BONES AND BANJOIST, AS PLAXZD AT -a:4:4: JBRO-A.IDW-A.Y, isTEW YOiiK: iseer^ NEW TOEKt HAPPY HOURS company, K«.. J^S^BEEMAN STREET* CHAllACTEIlS. — [De Trouble Beoins at Nine.] Professor Quackinbosh .Lew Simmons. Pphraim Charley White. COSTUMES. Professor.— L ong white coat, with large buttons, the sleeves very ragged, and tied up with string of all colors — plaid waistcoat — striped shirty with large standing collar — drab breeches, patched, coming down to the ankle— striped grey stockings — heavy shoes, with wooden soles — ^very much battered white hat, with brim and croym loose, and held on by string. Ephraim. — ^Tight-fitting boy’s jacket and trowserS of dark blue, with brass buttons, comic patches — sleeves of jacket too short, and tight under the armpits — very broad white turned-down collar — close- curl wig— cap of cloth — grey stockings, and coarse shoes. SCENE. An Interior, closed in r. and l. (if possible), with practicable doors, R. and L. 1 E., and c. in r. — a couple of rude portraits on wall, crockery on shelves painted, &c. If a change of scene, fasten up a clothes-line in one comer up stage, and hang a pair of socks and a holey handkerchief on it. ** PROPERTIES. A chair l. and r. front— bag of glass, &c., ready R., for crash — bag of glass, &c., ready L., for breaking v/indow sound — a mock banjo, with head of paper to be broken — handful of flour ready r. 1 b. DE TROUBLE BEGINS AT NINE. Professor QtACKiNBOSH, with shouldered, bcmjo, enters leisurely, r. 1 e. d. to 0 . , — looks round, takes off his hat, wipes his forehead with Mndkercliief . — crosses to l. front, and brings chairs to c. Professor Let’ sot down. [Sits down in one chdir, and lays his banjo on the other J\ Relaxavacation arter a long day’s work at de &vibiime Study of whitewashing, an' de sweeping arguments oh carpet-shaking, am a great inwention. If I on'y get a few hours' quiet, I’ll prac- tize dat new song dat I mean to astonish the fokes wid. [Takes banjo on his lap, token the rags of his coat-sleeue pull the strings; discovers the cause of the sound, arid ties up the rent, one string in his hand, and the other between, his teeth, as he draws the knot; speaks in the act'] Dis coat o’ mine is gittin' shaky in de j’ints — it's like a wheat-etvin among de tares ! \Flourishes his arm^ Dat’s all right for anodder monf— I mus’ buy new apparel by nex' Ape-r-il ! [Begins to play, stops, takes off his hat, brushes it carefully, and sets it down on stage left side of him.] It won’t take much more before I’ll be started. [Begins to play, stops, crosses one leg on the other, plays, stops, changes leg for leg, plays several bars, and finds that his foot is swinging to the time ; ceases to play, gradually, hut the foot continues to swing ; he lays down banjo l. of him, and suddenly clasps both hands on his knee, which steps the foot Both feet on the ground; takes up banjo with faint laugh of triumph, begins to play, evinces uneasiness in Ids seat, plays nervously. Still playing, rises and looks down at seat of Ms chair. Still playing, dusts off chair with coat-tail, stps across the chair, and sits down, playing. Displays same uneasiness, turns half e. , looks at other chair, keeps Ms eye^s fastemd on it, lays his banjo l. of Mm, rises, goes around Ultiiid R. chair to r. side of it, bends over it, picks up pin on it, sticks pin in left sleeve, rises, comes behind chairs, triumphantly.] I knowed dar was a pin some- ! [Takes seat as before, takes up banjo, strikes chord.] In hopes hab a time at las'. [Playing, Ms banjo handle catches his coat, and into hde in it] Bar ! ain’t dat tearable ? I neber cut dis coat ob but I t’ink ob de house rent. Lucky it’s so low, on account cb de great mystery bangin’ ober it— de Trouble dat begins at Nine ! Be idea of ghosts dat go rollin’ i^j^itit-casks up an' down de sta’rs obery night. Golly, it am inig'bty ! I'm on niy 4 DE TROUBi^E BEGINS kT NINE. ^ muckle about it ! Ef it comes agin 111-— [Bell l. is str(0i nine timeSy — speaking me word in each interval between HroTces.’] I’ll — go — off — some — place — else—for — tO — play ! Ey ! [Rises startled. — Knock c. n. in F.] I ain't afeard, but it’sdrefful !, [Knock b.. d. — turns to b . — knock c. D. in F. — turns around — knock l. d.] De wisitation comes worry mild to-night. I tink I must inwestigate dis affair. [Goes up c. can- iioudy— crash b.— jumps — turns.'] Muss be a strange cat dat's intruding on my pre-mices. to r.] Puss I puss ! pussy I [Heavy steps^ l. — turns still mare alarmed.] Dat can't be de cat, 'less she’s got number seven man’s boots on ! [Crosses to l. Laugh^ o.] Dat shows dar’s some laugh t^r-a-can about ! [Goes up c.; opens door.] Anybody dar ? [Closes door, whmi knock is given on it — opens it quickly — an old hoot is shown in the doorway ac if m a foot of a man standing on his head— falls back and door closes ] Awaunt, an' quit my sight ! Oh ! Ugh ! [Leaning on hack of chair, trembling — observes his s}mking.hands.] Not dat I am afeard ! any- body can see I’m shiverlous! [Knock, gentle, ’L.-^-starts.] Dat’s more like. Mus' be Mrs. Ebony from nex’ door. [Knock, l. — stoops for his handkerchief in hat, wipes his face.] All right, now. Walk in ! [Knock l.] You may come in ! [Crosses to l. d . — opens it.] Ephraim [is seen in doorway, squatting down so that Professor looks over him.] Yep ! [Rises. Professor [Staggers back as door closes — to c.] Bress us an' magnify us ! I fought de boy grew up out ob de floor. It was on'y a boy — ha, ha! Not dat I was afeard I I'll lay for him I [Knock l. — timts his handkerchief into a rope — crosses to B. j>., stands by the side of «i.] Jess let him call ag'in an' I'll dress him handsomely. [Business of waiting. Ephraim [Opens n. in f.] Nigger, nigger, neber die, black face and chaney eye ! [Professor looks up c., but slips in turning — Ephraim closes j>. in w . Professor Hey ah's de trouble all ober ag’in ! [To c. facing l. so as to watch doors in T. and l. Ephraim [Opens r. d.] Whitewash ! [Closes door. Professor [Bewildered — turns round and round.] Dis is too much for i ’ [Steps in his hat on floor — slurMes — sinks into chair exhausted.] EnufT to fat-j-gue a boss ! [A wlmUe vnthout. Projector Wossing his arms.] Go 'way boy, or I’ll have you locked up ! [Puts his hat on with handkerchief streaming out of it. [Ephraim opens R. and shies his cap, which knodcs off Professor's hat which rolls to L. wdk cap.] Professor [Clapping his hand to his head.] In de name ob wonder, wbaf s dat ? [Frightened, goes l., picks up cap, and, in taking up hk DE TROUIU.K r'l':- [P&eket» lyjak. MeO Why, 1 thought you understood do bet ! Here’K> ain't ho ? AU [^^od] Yes ! McG And here I am! ain’t I, or ain’t I not? well. Sam But dis won’ t do ! 3fcG If you’d only pay attention I Sam All dc pay we will get, McG Don’t be consultin’ me, brack man ! Ain’t dis plain ? Here you are, and here’s me, gwin’ to have a challenge dance, best two out of free, fair an square, walk-arodnd and break down. You’ve put up your money, an’ I — I’ve^ up mine ! [Steps his pocket.} If I dances best of us two, ’course I let’s de money reinain whar it am at present speaking ; on de oder hand, if you don't dance so good as me, why de money is left at de indisposition ob de umpire, to await de judgment ob de referee. Sam [Shakes his head.} McG I’m easy. Sam [To 1st M.] It sounds all right, but is dis fellar safe ? Isi M. Oh, he’s got some money of mine, too ! I think he is. He looks honest. [McG assumes attitude of corrplacerhcy hy chair n. Isi5 M [2b Sam ] Oh, you’re sure to win. [Tunes up. [Musicians tune up. Sam Dat’ll do, since you say so. It’s a bet den. [Ib McGinnis.] Who’s fust? McG Toss for it ! [Sam throws up com. [Together.-] McG What made you say what I did f Sam You’d no business tb cry like me ! [McG tosses up com. Sam Tail ! [Nioops wer coin.} Ha ! knew I’d win ! [Doth stoop to pick up cotn—McG gets if. Sam [Holds out his handC} Thank yer ! [fAcGt pockets coin, turns n. Sam [Nfops him.} You picked up dat penny ! McG Eh ? oh, yes ! It’s wrong to leave money kicking about [Sam goes up to l. u. b., gets sand, takes off his hat, ^c. — Music, prelude to the dame — He sprinkles stage with sand, shuffles it even — Music of loalk- around to which Sam dances, and breaks-down. All applaud. _ McG [Goes up io r. u. E, clumsUy, gets sand, comes over to c.] I knew h^_ couldn’t dance — didn’t know how to frow de sand ! [Jerks sand cup, by twist of wrist, to make a snake of sand m the stage. Skno to mark time — Shuffles sUndy,Ho tread out the sanA Music, as bffore, ^ B CHALLPTGE DANCE. All applaud. [bailees^ efc., netvskps introduced.'] Rader link dis’ll fix his back hair ! [l. front to watch McGinnis. [McG takes off coat^ lays it on chair e. front with his cap — tiLcks up his sleeves ai the wristband ^ goes up c., and dances^ much more vigorously than before. — Sam goes up as McGinnis dances down fronts crosses, and comes down to E. front — kneels by chair and searches rockets of coat there . — McG is con- cluding dance up c. , whoi he spies Sam. Business of inability to leave off dancing at so critical a point and of anxiety to stop the robbery. Misses step, trips hvinself up as he comes down, and falls fuU length towards E. front . — Sam goes up and crosses l. McG [Takes up his coat, feds in the pocket — blubbers.] Oh, oh ! [Agony.] oh ! whatever will my mudder say ? [Suddenly discovers that the pocket- book has slipped through hole in the pocket and down to the bottom of the lining at the hem of skirt. 'Change of countenance.] Fm easy! M That’s one against you, Count ! McG Which one ! [Gesticulatiiig with coat in his right hand, and hat in his left. 1st M Why, you fell ! McG [In great wonder.] Who fell ? AU Why, you / McG ’Cause of his fell-onious intentions. ’Taint fair — don’t count ! Isl M Ido, Count! McG Anyhow, I got one more chance ! [Music as before. ]Dotii walk around md dance, keeping at it as long as it ^Hakes '" — McG e. c. gets gradually fatigued. Busiriess of stumbling, recovering, finding he is going to lose, glancing sidewise at Sam, l. c. , then working his way down e. for his coat, misses his footing, stumbles, catches at the hack of chairs which comes off in his hand. — He falls over chair.] AU Bhout. 1st M You’ve lost ! McG [Picking himself up, coat UTider one arm, hat in hand. — To Sam.] You’ve lost! Just decisium ! 1st M No, no, you fell 1 ^ [Rises. McQ I neber touched de groun* ohce’t ! • [e. c.] Sam Out with the money ! [c.] McG Dis bank’s breaking — breaUng for de woods ! [Exit E, 1 E. chair under left arm, the top of it in left hand, hat in right hand and coat on right arm — Sam follows him off E. 1 b. — Musicians exeunt h. McG [Appears e. u. e. to c., pause.] I’m easy ! [Exit l. u. b. THE END. MISHAPS OF C.FSAR CRIJ.. AN ETHIOPIAN FAKCB, IN THREE SCENES, NEW Y-OBK; HAPPY HOURS COMPANY, No. 1 CHAMBERS STREET. MISHAPS OF CJESAE CEUM. CHARACTERS. CiESAR Crum* Aldermah Jumbles* Lawyer Fleecem. Hannah. * Mrs. Jumbles. 3 Laborers. COSTUMES. Ccesar Crum , — Bark coat; bright colored vest; striped shirt and pan- taloons. All much too large for him and quite shabby. 'Alderman Jumbles.— 'BsAhex old-fashioned brown business suit, with stock and standing collar; broad-brinuned hat and grey wig. Lawyer FZeecem. --^Pepper and salt stiit, old-fashioned, with stock and standing collar; broad-brimmed hat; cane; grey wig, side whiskers a and eye-brow’s. Ixtborers . — Ordinary farm laborers di^'ss. Hannah . — Stulf gown, v ry l)right colors; head turl)aned, very high; bright yellow handkerchief pinned across bosom. Mrs. Jumbles . — Genteel stuff dress, plain, but good; neat hat, with veil. PKOPERTIES. Table'— Books— Pens — Ink — 2 Chairs — Bope — -Pail — Scrubbing brush— Cloth— -Bandbox — Bress — Apron. Enterea according to act of Congress in the year 1874, by Happy Hours Company, in the office of the I 4 brexiai:| of Congress at Washingtoa*^^^ MISHAPS OF CJESAR CRUM Scene I. — Apartment in Alderman Jumhles' Souse, 2.G. Set door, L . liable, c., oqi it boohs, papers, pens, ink,' Two chairs on, Alderman Jumbles anrf Lawyer Fleecem erf setd ed at table. Jumbles, 1 tell you, lawyer, everything is right on that head ; for Mrs. Jumbles was drowned some six months ago off Coney Island. And now, lawyer, as we cannot proceed any farther in this busines to-day, we will let it rest. I wish to know if you cannot recommend me a servant that can take care of my farm, run errands, and make himself useful. {Jumbles ancl Fleecem come forward, Mr, Fleecem, Yes, I do know a person that I think would suit you. But mind, before you hire him, he will do nothing more than he is told. Tell him to do so and so, or that you want it done in any particular way, and he'U do it ; but no more, or no less. {Knock, p.l*) Ah, I guess hero he is now. 4 MISHAPS OF O^SAR CRUM. Jumh, (l.) If that is his only failing, I think he will suit me. {Knock da.,) Who’s there? Caesar, {Poking his head in, d.l.) Nobody, only dis chile. Mr, F. (r.) Why didn’t you come in when you first knocked ? Caesar, Cos you didn’t tole me to. Jumb, Well, come in. Ca^ar, Here I is, massa. Enter C^sar Crum, d.l. Mr, F, Well, Caesar, did you go to the post office and inquire if there were any letters for me ? Caesar, (c.) Yes, massa. Mr, F, Were there any? Caesar, Yes, massa. Mr, F, Where are they ? Caesar, In de post office. Mr, F, Didn’t you bring them ? Caesar, No, massa. Mr, F, And why not? Caesar, Cos you didn’t tole me to. You tole me to in- quire if dere was any letters for you ; you didn’t tole me to ^ ^ bring dem away wid me. {Retires up to table, Mr, F What did I tell you, alderman? Jumb, (To Caesar,) My man ! {Caesar, who is look- ing at books, takes no notice of him,) My man ! Do you hear me ? Caesar {To Fleecem,) Don’t you hear de gemman spokin' to you ? Jumb, { To Caesar,) You I mean. Caesar, {To Fleecem,) Don^t I tole you de gemman wants to spoke to you? Jumh, I mean you, Caesar, Caesar. O, you wants dis child. i Jumb, Do you want a situation ? i Caesar Who am dat, massa? | Jumb, Nobody. 4 Mr^nAI'S OF CJuSAll CHUM. V No indf'Ocly, massa, I don’t want nufTiii’ wid dat feller ; cbryhudy knows liiin. Jumh, . You misunderstand me ; I mean, do you want a plaee to Avork? Caesar, O, I unercumstand you now. O, yes, I wants a place, prowided dere’s bery little to do, and a great deal to get for it, Jnmh, Well, what can you do? Caesar. Well, I can whitewash, black boots, play in de policy, and Jumh. I mean, wnat can you do on a farm? Caesar. Eberyt’ing you tole me, and nuffin’ else. Jumh. What is your name? Caesar. Caesar Crum all do world ober. Jumh. Well, Caesar, Fll give you ten dollars a month and found. Caesar: What ! Ten dollars a munf, an’ de eatin’, an’ de drinkin’, an’ de sleepin’, and all dem fxiri’s. fown in? Jumh. Yes, Caesar. Caesar. Ten dollars a monf ? I golly ! dere ain’t so much money in de w^orld. Jumh. Will you come and work for me on those terms? Caesar. Won’t do nuffin’ else, massa ! Jumh. Then I’ll tell you what you will have to do. You see there are a great many strange old women that trespass on my grounds, and take my fruit-. Now, if you see any women running loose about the farm, just take and catch them. Caesar. What I do wid ’em after I cotch ’em, massa? Jumh. Tie them up, if you can’t do any thing else with them. Caesar. Well, den, de fust t’ing dat I am to do is to tie up all de old womans I cotch runnin’ wid a looseness? Jumh. Yes. The next thing I want you to do is to scour the country round, and keep off all poachers and va- grants that infest my lands. Ceasar. Yes, massa? Den de next t’ing I am to do is to scour de country round. 6 MISHAPS OP C:;esar Crum. Jumb, Then I want you to go and hire me live hands to help dig out the ditch. Caesar. Den de next t’ing is to go and hire live hands to help dig out de ditch. ^umb. And when they ajre digging out the ditch, if you find any mineral specimens^ I wish you to save them for me. Caesar. Min — min — min — mineralogical skerpecimens — who was dat, massa? Jumh. Why, they are stones that are found beneath the earth’s surface. But here, Caesar, {goes to table and gets hvok^) is Johnson’s Dictionary ; when you come to any word you don’t understand the meaning of, jus look for it in that book, and you will find it. ( Gives hook to Caesar. Caesar. Did Massa Johnson hab all dese words in him head? Jiimb. Yes, Caesar. Caesar. I golly ! What a big head Massa Johnson must hab had ! Neber get ’em in dis nigger’s pate, no how. Jumh. Now, Caesar, remember what I have told you to do, and see that it is done well. Come, lawyer, we will go to breakfast. {Exit Jumbles and Fleecem d.l Enter Hannah, l.h.' Han, S’pose you am de culled individuaiem dat massa hab pre-engaged. Caesar. Yes, missus, I is dat individuaiem. Han. Well, your breakfus am ready. . Caesar. T’ank you, missus. (Aside.) I don’t t’ink de breakfus was ready for me any sooner dan I was ready for de breakfus. (Exit u.l. Han. Ugh ! what an ugly nigga he am. to be shuah ! (Ez^t D.L. ScENte II.— A Garden.^ 4 g. Set Tree^ c. Enter Caesar,* r.2.e., with rope^ paily scrubbing brushy etc. Caesar. I ties ’em all up, Hannah, b. ^ Caesar. Ah, ole womans, I koteh you dis time. (Throws inSHAPS oir C/F.HAIt CKHM. rope 0 W her arms.) Massa tolo m« to tie up all Han. I wonder where dat nigga man is ; I want him to go down to Mr. Simpkins, de manglores, and get dese ’ere '** clothes manglued. {Turns and sees him,') Ah! here you , am. Caesar. Yes, here I is. Han, Caesar, will you do me a favor ? Caesar, What am it? Han. Just take dis box down to Mr. Simpkins, and hab de t’ings manglued. Caesar. How much ycu gib me? Han. Gib you ? Caesar. Yes ; dat’s de first point in dis game. Can’t go way down dere for nuffin’. Han, I’ll gib you a shillin’. Caesar, Gib me two shillin’s and I’ll go. ^ Han. {Aside.) Did anybody eber see such an uncon- ciense nigga? {Aloud.) Well, Caesar, here am a half dollar ; gib me the change. Caesar. Let me see if it am good. Yes, dat’s good \ gib me de box. Han. Gib me my change. Caesar. Dis am right. Han. No, it aren’t. You must gib me two shiiliu’s change. ■ ■ 'Si ■'s; 10 MISHAPS OP C^SAlt CfiOM* Caesars, What for ?- Han, Didn’t I gib you half dollar ? Caesar, Yes, indeedy ! Han, Didn’t I promise you half of it for ial^ing box to Mr. Simpkins? Caesar, I say, ole womans, you don’t s'poge Fg going to bring de box back for nullin’, docs you ? Han, O, you sassafras nigga I {E^H Hannah,^ d.l. Caesar, I golly I I made half a dollar out of dat ole woman. Now I got to take deso tings down to Mr. Simp- kins^ and get dem manglued. Mangliied !” what de dickens am manglued? hab to look in “ Massa Johnson.” {Finds it.) “ Manglure, to tear to pieces.” Manglure am to tear to pieces. I golly, I manglure ’em. (Takes dress^ apron^ dbc.^ out and tears them,) Dem t’ings is manglued, d- — n well manglued too ; better dan old Simpkins could do dem. Holloa? here comes ole massa. {Business of putting things in hox, Ee-enter Jumbles, r. Jumb, Caesar, where are you going ! Caesar, I’se just gwane to take dese t’ings dOwn to Mr. Simpson’s de pawnbroker’s. Jumb, The pawnbroker’s? Caesar, I mean Mr. Simpkins, de manglures. I t’ink I’ll go in dat business myself. Jumb, Caesar, come here ?* Caesar. Yes, massa. ^ Jumb. Caesar, do you know where there are any pretty women that would like to get married ? Caesar. O, yes, massa ; 1 knows lots. Dere’s Dina de washwoman ; and Lucy Long, de whitewash woman — and Jumb, I don’t want any washerwomen. I want a handsome wmman, with red lips, black eyes, black hair, &c. Caesar. Now I know what you Avant. Yon Avant a womans Avid one eye, red hair, chocolate face J L >ib. no, no ! I Avant a young woman with pretty MISIIAPM CRDM* Jl ) ./ eyes, aud black luiir, and - well, something iiic« Gaeaar. O, now 1 kno^v 1 You want some pret«j . * womens ; well, how many, half a dozen? , JumK No, only one, Caesar, Oh ! You only want one pretty woman, wid blaek eyes, black hair Jumh. Yes, that^s it. Eed lips ? Yes, yes.! One lesr? Caesar, Jumh, Caesar, Jumh, Caesar, Jumh, No, no ; two legs ! O, two legs and one arm. No, two arms ; now you bring me a wife and Fll give you fifty dollars. Caesar, Massa, don’t you t’ink you better put dat down on paper? Jumh, Well, follow me, and I’ll give it to you in writ- ing. (Mx't Ji.cmhlcSyU, Caesar, Massa wahts a wife, and he gii>s me fifty dollars to get him one ; golly, I know many men would give a hnn-- dred dollars to get rid of deirs. Let’s see — black checks, red eyes, black lips, red hair, and only one leg 1 Ha, ha, ha ! Come alcng, ole ban’box ! {Exit Caesar u. Scene III . — A Chamher^ 2 G. Enter JuivrBLKS, ii, Jumh, I wonder where Caesar keeps himself all this time ; he promised to be back in an hour, and he has been gone three. I wonder where he can be. (Caesar heard singing tuithout L.) Ah ! here he is at last. Elder Caesar, l. Well, Caesar, have you done what I desired you? Caesar, Yes. massa. 13 MISHAP.^ CvfeSAR CRUM. Jumb. Ai'id iha\’e you obtained a ^vife for me? Caesar, Yes, miissa. Jiimh, Where is she? Caesar, Down-sta’rs, She ciim’d to de door, and axe^ for you, and I tole her you was up-sta’rs ; an’ she said she wanted to see you. Den I seed her pretty face, an’ I ax her if she had any dejections to de matrimonium slipnooser- um, an’ she said no. Den I tole as how my massa was bery anxiouserum for a wife, and dat you would die bery soon and leabe her all your dimes . Jumb, And did she say she Avould have me? Caesar, Yes, indeedy. Juiub. (k.) O, where is she? O, how I long to em- brace the charmer. Caesar, (l.) I go an’ fotch her to you now ; don’t get ^cited, ’cos you might scare de young womans. ( Caesar goes to L.H.I.E., and brings on Mrs. Jumbles closely veiled,^ and takes her over to Jumbles,^ Here she am ! Jumb, Allow me to raise the veif that covers your fair face, and let me gaze on its beauty ! {Raises veil.) Great heavens ! My wife ! Mrs, J. Yes, sir, your wife, whom you thought drowned ! Although, 'when the boat upset, you did leave me to the mercy of the waves, there were some 'vyho had mercy enough to rescue me ! I have lain ill for months, and you thought and hojged I was dead. But you see {with determination) I have come back. Jumb. So I perceive. Caesar. I say, massa, de ole woman’s come back ; dere’ll be some ha’r pullin’ if you don’t walk straight now. Enter Fleecem, l. Mr, F. Good afternoon, Mr. Jumbles. I called to finish up that little bit of business. Caesar. Dat’s all knocked in de head ; de ole woman’" turi'ic J^hifrr Hannah, u. {Throws handhox at Han. What am dis? All my Sunday go to moctinV^ tored lip! Caesar. Didn’t you lole me to get dem manglu^d? I look in Massa Johnson for manglue, and Massa Johnson say, manglue am to tear to pieces ; dere dey is manglued, an’ cl — n well manglued dey is too. I won’t charge } >a nuflin’ for dis job, ’cos Ise just started in de business ; but de nex’ lob I’ll charge you by de piece. Han. Git out, you ugly ole rhinocerhos ! Caesar. I t’ink I got de best ob dat ole woman. Jumh. {To Mrs. Jumhles.) Can you forgive me? Mrs. J. Everything is forgiven, (Mr, and Mrs. Jumhles embrace.^ Caesar embraces Hannah^ who boxes his ears and pushes 'him away. Han. Git out, you omniferous brack rascal ! Caesar. {To Jumbles.) Massa, I beliebe I hab a small bill against you for fifty dollars. {Pulls paper out of shoe. Jumb. I don’t know nothing about it, and I sha’n’t pay it. Caesar. {Crosses to Fleecem.) Massa, how am dati Mr. F. That is all right, Caesar. If he does not pay it, sue him. Can I consider myself retained for the plaintiff? Jumb. Never mind, I’ll pay it, and tlren get out of my house ! To get rid of you, any price is cheap, Caesar. Den s’posin’ you make dis a t’ousaii*. {Jwrrc hies shakes his head.) Den you doesn’t want my waluable serwices any longer? Jumb. No, I do not! Caesar. Well, Ise independent ; I discharges you— I looks down on you wid disgust ! I say, ole woman, don’t you want somebody to manglue your dresses? boxes his ears.) Pat’s a bery strikin’ proof she doesn’t. Won’t none ob you gib me somet’ing to do ? 14 . mSHAFS. OF C#^^aR CBO^f. Omm$, No! Cmsar. { To audiente.) CanH Ob dcS^ kind “^hite folks gib a poor niggah sOmefing to do ? Den you all may go to de neber mind where ; an’ if dese kind friends will only encourage me in my labors, dey’ll always find a willin’ servant in C^SAR CRUM. NEW YEAK’S' ^ IJopnlar A8 PERVOBMED AT GRIFFIK & CHRISTY’S MINSTRELS, Fifth Avenue Opera House^ New York* ABBREVIATED AND ADAPTED TO THE USE OF SMALL C0MPANIBS| BY G. W. H. GRIFFIN. Manager Fifth Avenue Opera Houat. NEW YORK? HAPPY HOURS COMPANY, No. 1 CuASCBEsa SiaB£X. CHARACIERS— [NEW YEAR’S CALLS.] Augustus Highflyer A dead beat. Augustus Trueman A mecliaiiic. Peter Day .A simple boy, full of miscliief. Mi\ Planeioell A carpenter. Mrs, Day * * .A widow. Lucinda Day Her daughter. Bootblack. His Assistant. Skaters, Sliders, Riders, etc., all on in the last ‘scene. RELATIVE POSITIONS, EXITS, &C. R., means Right ; L., Left ; R. H., Right Hand \ L. H., Left Hand ; C., Centre 5 S. E., (or 2d E.,) Second Entrance ; H. E., Upper Entrance; M. D., Middle Door; F., the Flat; D. F.^ Door in Flat ; R. C., Right of Centre ; L. C. Left of Centre. R. R. C. C. L. C. L. The reader is supposed to be upon the Stage, facing the audience. SCENE I. — Kitchen at Widow Day’s House ; practical staircase^ R. E. Table spread for hrealfast^ at lohicli is seated the Widow, gnaioing a bone — Lucikda standing l. of table^ trying to gather up the dishes, Lucinda Oh, mudder ! I wish you would finish your breakfast ! dar’s so much to do before we can dress to receive calls. Widow Don’t be in such a hurry ! my teeth ain’t quite as good as they used to be. Lwc But you have been gnawing 'at dat bone for the last ten minutes. I do wish you’d finish. Wid Well ! well! dar, I’m done; dear me, such is life. Luc But why don’t that lazy boy Peter come down stairs. \Calls up stairs.^ Peter! Peter! Wid Yes, I wonder dat de boy ainit up, he was so disappointed Christmas morning, when he found his stocking empty ; kase I didn’t git my money time enough to buy him Santa Claus, dat I told him dat if he hang up his stocking again last night I’d see dat he got something nice, and I know dat he reckons a good deal on it; he’ll be tickled to defl‘when he see’s what he’s got. Luc [Aside,'] I guess he’d tickle me if he know’d what I had done. Wid Yah ! yah ! de poor fellow seemed to think dat his stocking wouldn’t be big enough, so he tied up de bottoms of 3s'EW YEAH-S CALLS. the legs of his trowsers and hung dem up ; he said it was better to have too much room, dan not room enough — such is life. [Peter cries outside^ What de debbil is de matter now ! [Peter appears on stairs^ crying violently^ and decends^ dressed in long night-goivn^ arid a large night-cap on his head ; carries a pair of troicsers with the bottoms of the legs tied tip toith a string^ (snd filled fidL Wid Why, what’s de matter wid you ! What’s de matter? Peter Santa Claus’s — ^boo — hoo — hoo — \Stand8 trowers on the end of legs j they stand alone, Wid Why, I never filled dem dat . way I What has Santa Glaus sent you ? Pet [Taking out a sioitch,] A Switch — ^boo — ^hoo — ^hoo — Wid What next ? Pei Onions — ^boo — hoo — ^hoo— Ltic Now you can always have tears in your eyes. Wid Pat’s strange, what next ? Pet Taters and turnips — boo — hoo — ho — Wid Don’t cry, my child, is dar anything else ? Pet Cabbages. Boo — ^hoo — hoo. Luc He thought you was fond of kole-slaugh. Wid Lucinda, hold your tongue. Ain’t dar noffin’ else ? Pet Yes. Boo — ^hoo — ^hoo. [Puts his hand down to the bottom of one of the legSj expecting to find some vegetable — his face brightens^ as he draws out a pair of skates,] Yah — ^yah — ^yah ! Bern’s de fel- lers, now — won’t I keep New Years ! Wid I suppose dat’s all. Pet I’ll see, mammy I [Puts his hand in other leg,^ and feels about — his face lengthens — he dr axes out his haxid xoith a lot of smashed eggs. Eggs. Boo — hoo — hoo — [Lucinda laughs, Wid Ah, Lucinda, clat’s some ob your works. You’re always playing tricks on that boy. ' : Pet Lucinda did it 7 — den I’ll show her how to beat eggs. [Peter rums after her ; she dodges roun % and rn^akes for the door, Peter follvns,^ leaping o '^er hfeakfast table. SCENE II.— /f Slrect. Enter Augustus Highflyer, l. High Let me see, where shall I make my first call this morn ing ? [Ta/ics out journal and reads, | Let me see — C. G. Gunther — t’won’t do to cull on him so early in the morning ; he’ll thinl I come after election mone}^ John Giles, II. W. Ueecher, Con. Orem, Patsey Marie}", S. D. Kehoe, all gcmtlemen of the first water. Now if I could only borrow 5 cents to get my boots blacked, 1 think I could venture to call on Lucinda Day. I wish I could be lucky enough to marry her, for then I’d certainly be sure of my board for the rest of the winter ; but then there’s that dirty mechanic, Trueman, liovering around her all the time, and I do think she likes him too. However, I know she can’t stand my elegant appearance this morning. She must consent to be mine. Har comes that Trueman, now ! Enter True.uan. Ah ! good morning, Trueman ! Tru Good morning, Orang Outang. High I say, Trueman, you are full of fun this morning. I sup- pose you are out making the usual calls on the ladies. Tnie Well, sir, I intend making a few. I suppose your inten- tions are the same. High Yes, I expect to treat the dear ladies wid de sight of one of the noblest lords cf creation, and perhaps send a dart or two from Cupid’s bow into some cf their hearts, but then they nil. fade away and sink into oblivion when I think of my dear futiw wife, Lucinda Day. True [Aside.] The miserable wretch ! I’d like to smother him in his own whiskers ! High Trueman, can you tell me why modest mechanics like yourself are like an echo ? Trtie No, sir. 6 NEW year’s CALLS; High Then I’ll tell you : it’s because you never speak until you are spoken to. Ha ! ha I ha ! True Can you tell me why that suit of clothes which you have on (which you have borrowed from some one) is like a menagerie 1 High Really I cannot. Tr%i€ Then I’ll tell you why your suit of clothes is like a men- agerie : because there is a monkey in iL Knocks High’s hat over his face^ and exit^ R. Enter Bootblack. Boot Black yer boots, sir ? High Yes, my son. Black ’em nice. [Boy polishes one^ then asks for the pay. High tells him he has left his pocket-book at home — he loillpay him to-morrow. Boy says all right — VU fix him^ runs to entrance and halloos — Hey^ Johi'- ny^ (Johnny comes) go down to the new buildings,^ and get me some slacked lime. Boy gets it^ then both exit,^ r. SCENE 111,— Parlor' at Mrs. Day’s. Set d.oor^ r. e. Table spread, Lucinda and Peter discovered, Peter stealing things from the table, Luc Peter, go away from tlie table. Pet There was a fly on the cake. Luc Now that’s a story, Peter, because there ain’t any fliei* now, they are all gone. Pet Then it was a musquito. [Bell rings,, r.J There’s j^noth* er call. [Goes to door then reHhrnt with Enter Mr. Planewell^ Plan Ah ! Lucinda, happy New Year to you. Luc Thank you. Plan Peter, my boy, the same to you. Pet I ain’t your boy, I’m my muddePa boy. , ^ ...A NF.W fEAIl’iS CALLS. 7 Plan But you may bo. One of theao days I ; i “■ onr fii- tlier. Pet what a lookiu" fader you’d be. Luc Hush, Peter! (to and call miidJer. [Pktcr exits. \ down, Mr. Planowell. [Tr/m chair.'] Mudder will be down^Sj rectly — it looks very much like a storm. ^ Plan Yes, I think we’ll have sleighing before night. [He sits down and places his hat on the floor beside him. Enter PtiTJCR. Pet Here comes mudder ! Enter W mow. Wid Good morning, Mr Planewell I Plan [Risma,] Good morning, Mrs. Day — a happy new year to you ! Wid Thank you ! I wish you a thousand ! Pet Oh, what a looking old rat he’d be if he was a thousand years old. Oh, mudder, I know something. Wid Well, what do you know, Peter ? Pet Old Planewell says sometime he’s going to be my father. Wid Hush your .tongue, you naughty bqy. Lucinda, take Peter into de kitchen. Go, Peter, then you can play Santa Claus ; that’s a good boy. Pet Can I, though ? then I’ll be Santa Claus, and bring Mr. Planewell something good. both exit. Plan I have now the opportunit}- of ascertaining whether I can let the beams of my love into the wall of her heart. [ Business with handkerchief.] My dear Widow, as dis is de beginning of a new year, I feel dat I ought to relieve my mind from de sawdust of uncertainty which h£^ so long oppressed it. Wid I do believe de ole man is going to speak out at last. Plan In vain I have tried to forget you, but remembrance of you kept up such a hammering dat it was impossible ; give, then, your consent, and let us be joined in de bonds of matrimony. [During this speech Peter has slipped in and put a large pie€e< qfl . pumpkin pie in Plane well’s hat^ saying-^ ^ 8 NEW VEAR’s calls. Pet There’s your Santa Claus ! [Slips off again. Wid [In great agitation.} Qh\ oh! dis is so sudden! so — dat — dat — I —but such is life ! [Fgints. Plan Ah, she faints ! what shall I do ! [Reaches down^ takes handkerchief from his hat with the pumpkin pie in it and smashes it all over her face. Peter appears. Pet Oh ! you’ve knocked my mudder’s brains out ! [AU nt/n about in great confusion. Peter gets sauce-pan^ and just as Plane WELL exclaims. Plan Where’s my hat ! [Peter strikes him over the head with pan. Pet Here’s you hat ! [Planewell rushes off with pan on his head^ very angry^ l. 'YliJiovf rushes off Jki Luc I wonder what it was on mother’s face. Pet I don’t know, it looked like a pumpkin poultice. [Bell rings^ l.] There’s another call. [Looks off.] It’s that monkey with the wig on his face. [Peter lets him in. ^ Enter Highflyer. , High De- compliments of de season to one of the loveliest of her sex. Pet How do you do, sir 1 Happy New Year ! [They shake hands. Peter puts pumpkin pie in his hand. Luc Peter, will you take Mr. Highflyer’s hat and cane ? Pet Of course I will. Luc Pray, sit do^\m, Mr. Highflyer. [He takes chair and brings it down stage. Peter slips hat in chair ^ and Highflyer sits up- on it.] Pray, sit down again, Mr. Highflyer ; don’t let such a lit- tle event ruffle you. High I’m not at all ruffled — it’s my hat that’s ruffled — Luc Have you made many calls ? High This is my first. Have you received many 1 Luc Oh, yes ; quite a number. [Bell rings. KKw Year’s calls* 9 Pet Tliero’s another call. [Goes off and comes on im Hakli/,] Oh, yea ; it’s Mr. Trueman. Hijh Mr. Trueman, I’ll pay him off Jfor that insult this in . iiig. ' “ Enter Tuueman* Pet Happy New Year, Mr. Trueman. True Thank you, Peter. There’s something for you to keep the holidays with. [Gives money. Pet That’s the chap for me. True Good morning, Miss Lucinda; the compliments of the season to you. Luo Thank you. Y^ou are acquainted with Mr. Highflyer, are you not 1 True I am sorry to say I am, slightly acquainted with him. Luc I presume you gentlemen will have a grand time upon the ice this afternoon. Mr. Highl]3’er, I understand you are an excel- lent skater. High Yes, Lucinda, H excel in that graceful amusement, but I indulge very little, on account of meeting upon the ice so many low, groveling mechanics. True [Start mg tip, 'I Yes, sir, but the low, groveling mechanic, as you call him, cairns the bread he eats, *and does not swindle it out of poor widows Yvho keep boarding houses. High [Rushing over to him,\ Do you mean that for me, sir ? True Yes, sir, I mean that for you. Luc Oh, dear ! I must stop this. [ Goes up to stop it. High Don’t be alarmed, Miss Lucinda, Prn here, [/isa Luc Gentlemen, won’t you try some refreshments? Pet [To HiGiiFLYEn.] Yes, Old Dundreary, you better eat while you have a chance, ’cause the free-lunch houses are all clos- ed to-day, [ They all go to the tahle^ and Lucinda helps them to plaj^es^ Luc Take a seat, Mr, Highflyer. [Peter brings in tub^ and sits it in chair. Highflyer sil% 10 NEW, year’s calls. SCENE IV.— Enter Highflyer with coat tails under his arms. High Confound that boy, I’ll get even with him yet ; if I catch him on the ice I’ii shove him through and drown the brute. [Ritshes off. Enter Peter ^oith box on his shoulder ^ containing a large anaconda^ puts it down on stage and sits on it. Pet Golly, I’s in luck to day, shure — de man tole me if I’d take this box, wid de big snake in it, down to Barnum’s Musum, he'd give me a dollar ; so I got de dollar in advance, and now I’m going to take it down to Barnum’s. [Enter Boy loith skates — business with Boy — gets him to lend him skates. While he is putting on skates^ the snake bites him^ and he rushes all over the stagc.^ at last runs off. SCENE Y .--Skating Pond. All discovered. Some skating others sliding ihroioing snow-halls^ and having a good time generally. Peter rushes on with snake still attached to his behind. Great consternation. THE END, AB PEBrOBMED BY GRIFFIN & CHRISTY’S MINSTRELS. ABBANGED FOB PUBLICATION BY G. W. H. GRIFFIN, Author of “Jack’s tue Lad;” “Les Misebables;” “Rooms to Let without Boabdj” “Black Crook Burlesque;” “Camille;” “Shylock,” &c., &a NE77 YORK : HAPPY HOUU", CvOMPAXY, No. 1 CHAHiiLiia Street. CHARAGTERS.— r^oBODT’s Son.] Artemua Buz , . Jemim Fluticus Mr. G. W. H. Griffin. “ Geo. Christy. V “NOBODY’S SON.” SCENE— J Wood. Enter Artemus Buz, r.u.e., long white coat — slouched ha^ — and large carpet’-hag . Artemus Here I am, just arrived from California ! in search of talent. lama “Theatrical Manager,” and they told me if I would come to the “ States ” and engage a first-rate light cpme- dian to play second to my heavy tragedy, I could make plenty of “ expemes;'*'^ but where can I find an aspiring youth who will undertake the trip for a very small salary \ ah ! who comes here ? \Enter Jemius Fluticus, l. 1. e., half -starved. ^ Now, there’s a fine-looking youth ! and just the figure for the stage 5 I wonder if I couldn’t engage him for California, he look- Iih*> a “Cayota” on a lark. [Approaching.] Young man, are you in search of em- ployment ? Jemi That’s just what I was looking for ! Arte Well, sir, I am a theatrical manager, from California, in search of a young man to play second comedy to my tragedy i now if you think you can do it, your fortune’s made. 4 NOBODY’S SON. Jemi Oh, I can do it, sure ; IVe been connected with theatres for the last two years. Arte Good ! then you are just the man I’m looking for ; what business have you been doing in the theatre ? Jemi I’ve been porting bills, and distributing programmes — Arte Well, there’s assurance ! however, I’ll think he’ll do ; for a man who can post bills, and distribute programmes in a legiti- mate theatre in New York, certainly ought to be able to play a “ star” engagement in California. Young man, consider yourself under arrest — excuse me, sir, I m^an under engagement. Jemi Well, sir ! what do I get? Arte Sir ! the young man who looks for salary in his profession, will never rise to any distinction ; I’ll tell you what I’ll do for you, I’ll launch out your name in large letters on the posters, you’ll become a favorite of the people, you’ll be praised and flat- tered by the “ press,” (if you ever get money enough to pay for it,) then, at the end of the “season,” I’ll give you a “ benefit,” my boy ! a benefit. Jemi What’s that, is it good to eat ? Arte No, no, my boy I a benefit is the “ antidote ” for the poor actor’s poverty; you shall have your name out in large letters on the bills, your friends will crowd around you for tickets, you will crowd the house from pit to dome, and when the house is filled, my boy ! — ^you shall have all that comes in afeirwards. Jpmi I’ll go it, come on ! Arte Hold on a minute ! I have not yet tested your abilities; I must see what kind of a voice you have, and whether you have any talent for acting ; in the first place, what is your name ? Jemi My name is “ Jemius Fluticus,” on my father’s side. NOBODY’S SON. 6 Arte There’fej a fine name for a thrcc-R’:eet poster. H of a Toice liavc you got ? JevU Oh, Pvo got a scronger; I can make rum howL Arfe Yes, 3^011 look like it ! — but I’ll try 3 on, and see what kind of a voice 3"oii’ve got ; now get over there, [Places him Now I’ll come over and call you a villain and a traitor to the state, and 3'ou must throw yourself back and call me a “ liar,” — now look out. I’m coming. [Sh'ldes over to and hits him tery hard on the bach.] “ Thou art a villain and a traitor to the state.” Jem I [In a very weak roice.^ scarcely audible,] Liar ! Arte I must say that is the sickest voice I ever heard. You’d spoil any piece you ever played in, if you used such a voice as that ; now call me a villain and a traitor to the state. I’ll show you how to do it. Jcini [Goes over and hits him on the back,] Thou art a villain and a traitor to the “ state-house.” Arte Liar-r-r — Jemi Hold on ! I didn’t mean it. Arte Now come here ! You see I’ve brought over a new tragedy fjx)m Europe,” and I’m going to open it in California, and ail ' my hopes for the future are centered in the success of the opening night ; w you ar* to play th* se<^r.rid character in the piece, and I want y ou to mcke a hit. Now, I’ll give you an idea of the plot, and then we’ll see what you'ean do with it. You see, I am a young man of immense famil}", the Son of Somebody but Nobody knows who. I leave my wife and children, and the scenes of my boyhood, to wander in foreign lands in search of wealth, wliic^ is des^ me by ray paternal ancestors, on account of my marry- 6 NOBODY'S SON. mg a BaU^t Girl in tlie Black Crook, After years of wandering tlirough Jersey^ and tlie Holyland^ I have at last returned to my wife aCid children, with millions of untold wealth. Jemi' Where is it ? Ar^e Here, in this carpet-bag. [Jemius lays hold of the bag.'^ B^ep yjmr hands down! it’s only in the play, Mw/i Oh ! I thought they were in the carpet-hag. Arte As I enter, you approach and inform me that you are my Brother^ and that your wife and children are starving for want of food. I immediately comprehend the situation, and tell you of my femense wealth. Now then, conceal yourself, anywhere over therey you’reiiso black no one could find you 5 now then, remem- ber, you must not take the gold when I say here; but take it whei^ I say take it; the whole effect of this scene is in the point where I say take it; because, don’t you see, if you take it when I 8Sby ^iiere, you would seem too avaricious, and you would not court tine sympathy of the audience,* here’s where we get them in Uer^; now let me see you walk as if you had not eaten anything Isramonth. [Ji£.yLivs starts, of ^ and walks very vigorously,] No! ! get back— you walk as though you’d been fed on roast-beef md mush — mow walk as though you were weak and starving, like thisr— [ from l. to c., then heaves a sigh.] — that’s your sigh, do you see ? keep your knees well bent, then drop down o» one knee, thus, and say: Listen brother, to a moving tale of woe. My wife and children are starving for want of food; oh, give me gold ! — Now, get over there again, and remember, aijtd keep up your weakness, or you’ll ruin the piece on the start. jE.uiUS conceals himself behind wing l., and Artemus goes off 3 E. R., a/ad 'mmcdiatelv re-erders same entran e; looks around as if sttrprised at fhs change so many years of absence had caused; afte^ reoAhnmg 0.^ speaks] NOlViJiV’S SON. 7 Tlius far htvve I mnrclu-.d on the dusty road to pt?i% tid Ikappiness ; my limbs an wi'ury of well-doing, and I riiu.Ht hie 2 # ta jKone fiiendl}'^ rock and rest ; liark ! 1 hear footsteps approaf'h jn|^ on horseback. 1 will copceal myself. ( To Jemius. ) Now then, you "come out. \llolds car pet-hag up to his face for concealment.] Now I’m concealed, that’s it. Keep your weakness well down^ (Jemius comes on from l., and lohcn in c. of stag gives an un- curlhly sqrueal; looking up suddenly. \ Good heavens, what’s that ? Jemi That’s m}’^ sigh ! Arte I thought it was an alarai of fire ; don’t sigh again. Jemi down upon one kne'e^ and taking Artemus’ coaUtails in his kand^ begins to jerk at them nervously. \ Listen, brother ! to a moving tale of woe. Arte [Breaking away from him.'\ Don’t tear my clothes ! Jemi That’s my weakness Arte Well, don’t play your weakness so strong. Now go on. Jemi My wife and children are starving for the want of food 5 oh, give them gold ! Arte' What do I hear ! your wife and children starving, Rinaldo, rise ! [Takes Jemius by the hand.^ and as he assists him to rise^ Ji:-* j^iivs jumps as high as he can.^ and comes down on both feet in a comi- cal 2^osition.'\ When I look into your face, and hear that your wife and children are starving, my heart rises to my very feet, and chokes my utterance. Rinaldo ! I have arrived at the happy moment; all I can do is to laugh, and play the maniac, ha I ha ! ha ! ha ! I have returned with untold wealth ; in this casket are millions of ducats, here! — [Jemius makes a drive for the bag^\ No, no ! you mustn’t take it when I say here; but take it when I say take it. I have arrived at the happy moment, here s NOBODY^S SON. fjEMius reaches for it again^ and Artemu^ kicks him aioay.] Don’t take it when I say here; oh, you’d spoil the best piece eyer written ; now, remember, when I say take if, not when I say h€7'e, [This bus, must be kept up as long as good judgmen t requires; then Artemus goes on.] All I can do is laugh, and play tlie ma- niac; ha ! ha ! ha 1 ha ! Rinaldo, liei'e, take it, Je^ni Shall I take it now ? Arte Take it I take it 1 — here, here, take it. [Jemius is in a and does not knoto ivhat to do; they work this up until they get excited, and exhaust themselves; then they each take hold of the hag and pull it; then both let go, and fall over. THE ENIV IN THREE SCENES. NEW TOEK: HAPPY HOURS COMPANY, No. I CHAMBERS STREET. scrpio AFRICANUS. CHARACTERS SciPIO Africanus. Ramo Samee. JrpE. Drusillinda. Demons^ kitchen maids, ballet, &c., &c. COSTUMES. Scipio Africanus . — Black pants, white jacket and apron, slippers. Hamo Samee . — White pants and jacket, long white apron, white cap, slippers. Jupe . — Buttoned jacket; tight pants, short; gray stockings ; low shoes ; large collar. Drusillinda , — Kitchen maid’s dress. PBOPEBTIES, Tinpans — cups — dishes — Frying pans — Gridiron — ^Large pot for in- cantation — Vegetables of various kinds Herbs — Stuffed cat, dog and deadratn i 1 ! Gong -Pig, burned on one side, on spit — Red fire — Fountain for Scene III. Entered according to act of Congress in the year 1874, by Happy Hours Company, in the office of the Librarian of Congres.s at Washington. SCIPIO ATRICANUS Scene I. — Kitchen of a hotel. Fire-place R., with pig on spit before it^ dresser l., ivith dishes^ plates^ cups^ pans^ dc,, in it^ large iron pot in c. Servants discovered with pans,, dishes,, plates^ in their hands. Jupe beating gong. Opening Chorus. Hurry, scurry, what a flurry, Bells a-ringing, gongs a-soundiu^ 5 Ebry body’s in a worry, Late arrivals boots confoundin’. Fetch along de Injun meal, Hear de pigs and chickens sq^ueal, Turn de grunter on de spit. Darkies to your places git ! 4 SiClPlrO AFRIOANUS. Grand lallet^ in midst of which Ramo Samee, the Cooh rises L.C. with hasting ladle for sceptre, Gong RamOi, Stop dat nonsense, or I’ll rile If you leff de breakfas’ spile ; Round about de cauldron go, In de mixt ingredients throw, Callipee and oallipa^h, Stew de stew and hash de hash. All, Bubble, bubble, sling de shubbel,' Hump yourselves, or dere^ll be trubbel ! {They join in an incantation dance around the pot. Bamo, {Stirring it,) Walk around, ye mystic crew ; Dereks a heap of work to do Ere we’ve iinisht dis yer stew. Bring up dat old tabby cat, - , Pop it in the bilin’ vat ; Cotch dat dam ole mangy dog, ^ Slap him in de pot co-chug ! Add some rats unto de mess And the charm is made, I guess ! {They all dance ojf j^, except Bamo, Enter I>RUS1LLINDA R.y heOfring a dish, Bamo, {Aside.) Car’s de sweetest mess of all ; Sugarplum de gal I call ; She’s in lub wid dat ar swell Dat answers to de porter’s bell. But roun’ her form I’ll wreatli a speli ^ Shili drive dat darkey to' de wafi. a<^xrio AFiy[C;Ainji. 5 ' Sl)>i(;.---I)RirsiLLINl)A. De bullfrog's croakin’ in do pond, do tree-toad’s gamr ;'‘V' ■■ made, And in de woodpile's gloom I liear my lubber’s serenade ; .1 smell his bref — it’s juniper ; I wonder whar he’s be’n, Dey tease us, while dey please us, too, dese naughty, naughty men ! SciFio Africanus, in white aproriy hounds in, L., striking tambourine. Song.— -S cipio. High jinks in de kitchen I high jinks up de stairs . Now de carnival is on us, gals and boys strike pj0f in paurs. Spider waists and taper ankles Woo our arms wid deir charnas, Lub is ebrywlier.es. Hi, Dru ! don’t you hear your sweetheart cornin’ J Bound to cut a shine, who cares? ( Grand pas seul energetigue^ Dru, (Drops dish. They embrace,^ 0, gravy and mo- lasses ! is it you? Scip, It’s me, come courtin’ ; Drusy, don’t say ‘‘ s.hoo !** llamo, (Seizing pig from the spit,) You’ve made me spile my pig, an’ hell’s let loose, Away ! or by this spit I’ll cook your goose. Waves pig. All enter u. and l. Grand pas Infernaie d^ Incantation, Pas de Trois, Banio^ Drusill, and Scip, Ramo tears her atmy> Tableau,. - * 6 SCIPIO AFRICANUS. • SOENE H.-^Open Prospect^ Genital Path* Enitt JuPE, the Porter^ l., with slow and mournful steps ^ heating gong at intervals. - Song.— J uPE. O, 00 I she’s lost and gone ! O, oo ! she’s gone away ! Bring back my yaller gal to me, Or in de tomb my bones I’ll lay. 0 , 00 ! etc. (^Gong accompaniment. Enter SciP, R., distracted. Scip. What for you stand dere, bangin’ on dat tin? Go get your coffin and I’ll dump you in ; And if I can’t^de black cook’s art undo. I’ll hab de box made large enough for two . Jupe. nr roam de wide world troo but dat I’ll find her Scip. Me, too ; and if in wedlock he hab jin’d her, We’ll fight it out till bofe of us is done for. And if he hasn’t, again her hand we’ll run for ! Duet. Scip . — Clar de kitchen, niggers ! lively on de heel, If I catch dat runaway I guess I’ll make him squeal ; Jupe . — Skin him like an eel and his bones in mortar mash, Cut him up in little bits and serve hirn up for hash. BotK Clar de kitchen, niggers, etc. {Dance off l. s<:n»io africaKUS. 7 Ramo c}h(,S(s Drttsiijjnda on r.it. Dru, My brof nm almost gono, he’s rooked my g If from dis darky’s spells f eaii’t broke loose. Ill wain you try to git around your fate, iiigbt, ole gal, wid Sanieo y m shall mate ; Aud as lor dem loose nigs dat chase you round, Ttb got dem safe enough iu de public pound. Drn. Hold on, old boss, before we start again, Lei nu‘ indulge in one sa(J parting strain? Am. DrusilUnda. 0, dulce far niente mia / Thus a hapless maid I sigh. Siempre poco pire maesia^ One last look and then good-by I Poco tempo con furia • Doloroso is de cry ! (Exits slowly and mournfully, l.h. Bamo executes a pas seid and hounds off l.JI, Scene III . — The Fountain, Enter Ramo and Drusillinda, to hurried music,) r, She dances. Ballet hy promenaders who enter from loth sides, Drusillinda gives a despairing glance at BamOj screams and jumps into the hasioi with his ladle, Bamo, Ah ! the mystic charm is broke, And all my cherished visions end in smoke ; For de old soothensayer’s words came true — - ‘‘ If she dies fust den she can’t marry you.” 8 SOIPIQ AFRIC-ANUS.* JupE shtmhles on^ ^ hrmth. Jupe. T’vfe got you now ; if &he*3 ?oOzeut?ide, ril take de change out of youi* worthless hide, {They ji^M. Dance of deniom, A hole optm in the ground^ into which Ramo pulls Jupe, Bed fire t They sink from view, Scip dances in ii. DritsUUnda tops from fountain and joins Scip. Emh'face, All on* Finale. All our trouble’s ober, Now we’ll lib in clover, Drink mint juleps all de day, Tamborine arid fiddles play, No more she’ll be a rover. (Darice and Curtain. V Scenes AT GUltI[F.Y’S AN ETHIOPIAN ACT, A3 PERPORMED BY THE SAIf FRANCISCO MINSTRELS* jq' EW TTOEIE. KEWXoBKt HAPPY HOURS company, No. 1 CxiAaiBEHl:* SXHJiEX, y CHAEAGTHRS.—[Scbnes at Gurnets.] Mr, Felix (runibo. (From the country) Billy Biroh. Mr. OoUodion. (A photographer) Wambold. Adoljphus. (A boy at-all-fours) 9 COSTUMES. Gumbo. — ^White beaver hat, queer-shaped, nap nibbed the wrong way — ^red coat, rather short-skirted— broad-plaid waistcoat cut low in the bosom to show shirt of blue stripe on white ground— a blue, or green, battered umbrella — a large valise or carpet-bag crammed wifii paper, not to be opened. Collodion. — 1st dr^ss, black trowsers, white vest, dressing-gown and smoking-cap with tassel — his moustaches are long and the points are turned down at his first entrance — 2nd dress, same, with velvet- een loose jacket, or blouse, instead of dressing-gown — no cap — wig curled very extravagantly — moustaches with the points straightened out parallel to line of the mouth. • Adolphus. — ^Page’s suit, with button jand lace — ^bareheaded. PEOPEKTIES. Table up c., against flat, covered with fancy cloth and photographs of all sizes — smaller tables at r. and l. u. comers, with books and statuettes upon them-Chairs along flat, 1 r. front, 1 l. front, 1 o. line of 2nd groove — carpet-bag and umbrella for Gumbo— long-handled broom in l. u. corner — exaggerated apparatus, consisting of tripod of man's height, with camera, i, e., a plain, neat box, 2 2 m 3 (in^ feet), placed the long way horizontally — circular hole in front, for tin tube (ten inches diameter, one foot long) to which is a lid with handle to remove and replace it at outer end — a slide-opening made at same end of box to admit of a frame being passed into it and across it-r- black or dark-blue baize cloth tacked to other end of box, which is open, in loose folds to hang down from the top edge — a shelf is fitted to the tripod r. side (facing audience) to hold a large pantomime watch with steel dog-chain to match — a frame to fit slide-opening in camera, on which is pasted for each peribrm- ance, paper on which is rudely outlined two faces of the same size, one upright, the other a little transversely, as large as may -be — handful of flour ready in cup on table c. for Adolpus. filme of representation— fifteen to twenty minutes.] •i'^' SCENES AT GUENEY'H. SCENE. — An Interior^ rather nice parlor, carpet domn^ pictnree on the walls, statnes in the corners^ painted or natural. Closed in R. and L., with practicable doors each side. . Adolphus {Discovered dusting the tables^ etc^] What’s de use ob keepin’ de place so nice -lookin’ when it’s more dan a fortnight since a customer came in, and such a fort’nit thing won’t happen ag’in in a hurry. Oh ! here’s massa. t Dusts a chair very briskly, up r. e de dust fly about so, Adolphus ! We’ve too much diffukilty as it is in raising the wind and bring- ing down de dust. Any one called ? Adol Yes ! Cd Den dar is bopefulle^ness ! Adol Maybe dar is, but it was de landlord, who said dat dis studjoe stood yo’ in too little for him to let you be left tenant anoder free quarters. Col Nobody else ? [r. c.] Adol Not a else. [l. c.] Col Den dar is no use a-strivin’; I’ve sold ebberyting in de house ’cept de contents ob dis room. I’ll tell you what, boy ! as de public won’t appreciate high art — on de sixth story ! we mus’ descen’ to dem, and make dem gib us a chance. Adol ’Drather dey’d gib us some change. Col Boy, if you want to know what a dinner looks like dis week, you must go down into de street and fotch up de beny fust man what you can handle ! Adol S’pose he won’t be fotched ? Col Leff go an’ lay by for a smaller one ! Adol I’ll do it ! [Shakes kis bi'oom. Col I’ll raise your cellary — ■ Adol I can’t raise any myself. Col You shall sleep on de top ob de table instid ob under it ! Add I’ll fasten on de fust man ! [Puts broom l. u. corner. At- titude a la highwayman.'] Your likeness or your life! [Exit., l. d. Col Can’t say I wanted any urging to display my energy. If an artist like me can’t get customers dis way, I’il get up a raffle, all de prizes biauks ! and gamble oft* de tings I'rom de baths to de cam-e-ra obscura (and likel3’^ to go away still more obscurerly). Hark ! [Tramping l. — hank on right breast.] Be still, my heart ! 4 SOENEB AT GURNEY’S. De somebody ! I mus’ give him sixpence more a mor^f jfroiia dis 61it. He^ dey come ! {To c.] Now to exchange my suit for more artktic habiliments. {Exity^ r. d. — great noise l. [AleoLPHUs enters l. d., 'pulling Gumbo in^ pushes him to c. — Gitmbo, umhrella in one Jvand^ hag in other ^ falls over chair c,, spreading the hag and unlhreUa in his fall. Sits up aghast, Adbl Dary’are ! t^undyo {Rises staring, Jshpi] Dat* t are ! Well dat’s much is truff ! [Plchsup his hag and imWdia^ aside,] It’s kinder scu- rious ! I hcerd dey was werry frien’Iy in de big city, but I neber fought dis was de style dat dey took ’em in ! Is dis a hotel j boy ^ [c.] Adct Dis is a photomagraphic studjoe I [Proudly^ Gwfdro Eh? [Adolphus repeats. Gumbo Yes. I used to know him. Is he well ? Adot Who ? G'lhmho Old Stew Joe ! Adol I said a photomagraphic stud-joe — a gallery ! Gumbo And so dis is a gallery ! I wonder dey leff you behave so boy stir-us here den. Why ! [Looki/ng up,] De roof is a win- der I Dat’s kinder scurious ! Adol Dey take pictures here ! Gumho Do dey ! {Hugs his hag,\ I got an ile painting in my ridicule, an’ I’d like to behold de fust man take dat 1 \Flourishes umhrella, Adol We don't take pictures dat way. You kin have yourself delineated in any style. Gumho I wouldn’t have myself de-linen -ated in any tile but dis, {Touching his hat, Adol And at all prices. {Crosses to r. d.] Hold on a bit till I tell master. [Exit^ r. d. crying.] Oh, master ! here’s a customer ! Gumho {Stares aroundy keeping tight hold of hag and tmhrellay a point in his general business throughout the piece.] Dis is kinder scurious ! [Goes around the room^ points his umhreUa at statuettes y :rosses to r., is frightened hy the camera,} Hullo ! what’s dis ma- chine, I wonder-r^looks like a new-fangled hash-cutter, on’y don’t ifee no crank. [Exami'nes camera,] It’s kinder scurious ! [Goes up c. to table against fiat.] Hullo ! heyah’s lots o’ pictures ! Gee- rmaleminy 1 ain’t dey pooty ! Whew ! here’s a man wid two opowas to his head ! why ! — haj ha ! here’s his name on it. De Empc.nim Dewis Napoleum ! Did he come heyah tohab his figger drew ? It’s kinder scurious ! Oh, here’s a lady ! Latest news. Dresses made lower dan eber ! My ! heyah’s a poo tier gal ! I pader Unk FiJ keep dis one ! All iJc 3 ^oung fellei-s does dat now aa’ says— de gub it ’um ! \ Piits photograph m katy and puts hat on. ' \ RT^XTJKfl AT GUpNi.. /. 5 Ctfl \ Ent^j\. i;.[ All, oIl ! \WUJi r. ' f 'r- nrJi. aertTU. (•fmho I Oil, ?j|i, liinn ! | T. | C.)l lUo^ina.] (Joo^ ?ili~ inorniiij^! UitiiilH} (loo'l iirloniooi] di'? oln’iiiii’ ! h ha! pjt.oU nrn nh out and rn/reaHt u h ^ ru,, Vol 1 sen you was e-nmining soirio of Jny Kpccimoni; Ouriiho f 'wasn’t (oudiing I'one ob ycr peppermints. Col Dey’ro rpiit o at your service. I presume you’ve emne '* (le purpiises of dat is — a- um Crtmbo \ TIas>tili/,\ Yea^‘ da t’s 'wliat brought me 4 Col In a "t^'ord, your likeness ? Gnmho Who’s like-en-ess ! or any oder letter of de alfrcdlj t Col I mean, you desire a portrait Gumho A poor-Trayt — ain’t dat what you call a curicature? Col Shall it be a photograph by a vivid light ? I can lucify de room by a coil of magnesium wdre ! Gumho *No, no ! I don’t want no lucifying around me ! ’xSides, my nuss gub me enuff magnesia in my earliest days for to last all froo my time. Col I don’t recommend it, dough dar’s a quack doggertypist t’oder side de way, who does. Ony las’ week, he lighted up some ob de wire for a sitter— all at once de tlame shot up and il- luminated the studjoe till it was one broad glare of light 1 De sitter had just had absence ob mind enufi* to spring to his feet and reach the door before Gumho Before — yes — yes! Col Before de wire burnt itself out ! Gumho Dat’s kinder scurious ! I don’t tink I’ll hab any ob de coil lit ! I c.] Col y Aside.] Dat’s lucky — not an inch in de house. [Aloud.] Which do you prefer — haif-length or full-length ? [r. c.] Gumho Say dat ag’in ! [Siomging his umbrella. Col Half-length or full-length ? Gumho Fool-length ! [Aside.] I gib fair warning 1 dar’ll be a fight on dis spot if he goes on talking so much longer. Col Or, a vignette ? Chimho A lig-net ! I fought dey come ober in boxes I Col We could do you some nice ovals Gimho Thankee 1 I don’t want none of your orful t’ings ! Col Dar’s de medallions, werry fashionable — five heads on a single sheet ! Gumho Five heads on a single sheet ! Bress us ! De double- bedded room is nowhar’ 1 Col Or a bust 1 now, dat’s de ticket I Gumho No ! I’m temperince, and I neber go on busts now ! Col I have it 1 You desire a Carte de Wisite ? Gtmbo A cart to wisit? Dat’s de werry t’ing we does want! g SCENES AT GUBNEm Bar’s been a dead ’oss basking in de fenn afront ob our bouse for de last century, and we’ve been wishing for a cart to wisit to take him in bis strength away ! Ool You don’t comprehend. Onmbo No ! I came from Squam-Beach-super-Mare. Col No matter 1 You shall have your picture. so good as to take a chair. [i%fn8 lo r. Gumbo Which one 1 Col They’re all the same. Giimbo Werry well! [Takes up chair anS, goes to i.. n. Jdol [Enters l. d. and stops Gumbo. J Look heyah, massa I Col [To c.] What do you mean by walking oh* \^ith dat chair T Gumbo [Offended tone,] You gub it me ! Col I tole you to take a chair and sot down ! [ Jh r. [Gvu^o sits down in chair 1 ., toith the other chair in his lap , — Adolphus pulls it from him, — Gumbo springs to his feet,^ and dances wildly a few steps around Adolphus to frightem him^ returns to l. front,] Col [At Camera r.] Adolphus, ’pose de genbleman. Gumbo Keep your pose off ! [Guarding himself icilh umbrella, [Adolphus gets broom from l. u. corner^ comes down c. — Combat, He beats down Gumbo’s guards runs in^ disarms h im of umbrella,^ pushes him to chair l., forces him into seat, — Collodion at camera. — Gumbo sudde^y perceives that the camera tube is level- ed at him.^ and holds up his bag before his face, — Adolphus pitlls bag fro'm him.^ and flings it up l., kicks umbrella up l , behind Gumbo, holds him down in chair by shoulders , — Gumbo acts very ne'cvously. Col Go way boy, and leff de genbleman alone I [Adolphus /cwoc/l'e Gumbo’s hat offy and goes of l. d., chased by Gumbo.] Col Will you get into the focus ? Gumbo It’s dat boy of your’n ! Col Get into de focus I Gumbo Whar’s de work’us ? Collodion crosses to him,^ and brings Mm to l. / ro/iZ— A dolphus enters l. d. — Collodion forces Gumbo into chair l., lohen Adolphus it aioay.^ and Gumbo is left on floor as Collo- dion turns away. Gumbo tries to strike Adolphus, who runs out L. D. seated on floor,] Col [At camera,^ looks over the box,] Wharever is dat man ! I leff him in de cha’r dis bery moment ! fGuMBO resumes seat. — Collodion waves his hand to him to move, -Gumbo’s businessy still sealed,^ of carrying chair with him up aTid down, in obedience to Collodion’s gestures — Collo- dion reckons him, — Gumbo comes to c.— C ollodion waves him back. SCENES AT 7 Chmbo •■hair bdck tUL hU ^rh-mt.‘jlaS,J\ Dis is kindor scuriouK I fOoLLODtoN hrrko s f fKiw. !>© momoid * r uIj cjiovcR an’ fail Or, d( j is niMt. Jli^t \/nip(tfkut.] l>(>v, I onian, named Parr. Jne Kh f oh ! (»lt “ iife-])iil Parr!” Do oh) fcllor wliORe su *1 lili' have worry nearly nil nin ont ! Ha, ]>a I ITo V7f*^ to rc^ irec hundred years, and den ho waa n century ohi. Dis [Claps his hands in clasping //lem.] Thus fade they ! Joe [Aside.'] Dcy fade pooty slow ! Dis I remember him a tiny juvenile. Joe I never knew he was a Jew in de ile or any oder sich busines^^. Dis 'Twas cber dus — [Wiping eyes. Joe Dust in yer eye ? Dis [c ] ’Twas eber dus, in childhood’s hour, I neber tub’d a bright gazelle — Joe fu. c.] He wasn’t a gazelle — he was a boyzelle. Dis But it wanished and left me deserted — deserted. • [iSoS. Joe [Jumps .] Did dis-hurt you much ? [LooMng steadily at Dismal. Dis Oh ! leff me in distress 1 Joe I don’t want dat dress oh your’n I [Going, r. Dis ^ji^y ! [Joe stops^ turns. Di^ Cox^Q hither. [>Ioe 0. You have been kind o’ kind to 4e gle man. itahes out pur^t unUi, business gf going to give Jojs a handful of coin, hut only gives him one. Joe [Bit^ eoin^ d^c . , d Ig djsappojpUed.- cabman.] Sixpence ! sixpen^^ I Dey can’t say die is a sixpensive man I DU [ Waving his hand.] Adoo ! Joe It is a do. Dis Bye-bye. Joe It’s more ob a sell sell. Fll remembej: you for dis I: [i^r^R. 1 E. Dis [Ahold to put up his purse f\ An honest lad 1 Oh !> doVvupenpj; honesty ob de Country swains— dey are neber seen wid- temptation. J^cuGE entoi'S R. u. e., uitk gun— aside. Mudg^ ini%onaiy ivid do long purse what I hah so long pm- sued, “ . - - , 6 16,000 YEARS AGO I jbis Why, I might hold out my boff ban's vdd dis money in it [Purse and pocket-book in hands. '\ and not one would offer to say — Mudge [a. Ki,, pednting gun.^ Drop dat money, or dis gun so early will leave you dis-gun-so-late ! [Business with gun. [Recedes to l. front.'] Does you mean to take dis puss so coolly ? Mudge PuBS-icely so. Drop it 1 [Dismal excessively frightened:'] Be quick ! Dis is a musket which mus* get no trifling ! [Dismal drops purse and pockd-book., and goes off, l. 1 e. , in ^reat alann^ ^ his knees knocJdng together. Mudge [Bursts into laughtei'.] Yah! yah! dis flint fixed his! I’ll go sit under dese trees yere, and reckon up de treasure. [Kneels down l. frorit, laying gun r. side of him, and unties purse-strings. Dismal enters n u. e. , cautiously — aside. Dis I wonder whar I kin fin’ a perlice-man ? Eh ? Oh ! [iSise? Mudge.] Why, dar’s de scandalous rogue wid my plunder ! If I on’y — oh, golly, let’s try ! [Comes down l. side carefully. Mudge [Rings a coin.] Tin ! yes, it am a tin shillin’ ! Here’s de- pravity for you Je werry footpads is jobbed off wid bad money ! [Dismal goes to u. side of Mudge, and takes up the gun ; then to r front. Mudge [Rising.] Well, now, I’d like to know what we’ll do next? Dis [Loudly, as he points gun at Mudge.] I tink you’d best put down dat dar blunt ! Mudge [Alarmed, business of shaJeing from head to foot.] Oh ! de mill- yonary ! Dis You don’t “ down wid de dust !” [Mudge very slowly lays down hag, c. Dis- Quick time ! [Gun Iminess — Mudge more quickly drops rug on hag. Dis Faster, or de slugs in dis will go hard wid you, sluggard. MuAge [Drops purse and pocket-book on the rug — about to go up l. sulkily f] Dar dey is. Dis Hold yer hpsses ! I isn’t done wid you yet. [Ferocious slap of the hand to the gun-stock. Mudge [Steps, crying.] I neber did you no harm ! My lilly sister is *ui ing for me ! Boohoo ! Dis Stop your nonsense ! Your hat’s struck my fancy ! Put down dat ’ar hat I Mudge [Knocks his hoi off and hides it to c.] Hope you^e Ba&sagcfricd now I ir.,(i(iy VEAlia AGO! 7 IH 9 No ismarka 1 p" the gun^ ond amimte a 1 And ilr wcny nu\t time you come guimiii' rouri' ^puiiWtR oiifc dvit liG huin’t got » wit- worth your' n ! G’out! [liirious gestiire — Mudge jumps and runs ojf l. w T>k [Ijaughs.] Kor-yah ! yah! dis i« a big ticarc on dat ui;^ [IMImggunm right handy he picks up Mudge’s hat, and,remavmg his, puts it vn, and his own top of it,'] Dis is do way to make liat-ditions to do wardrobe ! \Picks up rug and lays it on right arm.] De way ob do treuasgressor am rugged. [Takes up hog and stuff s into it, then hangs hag on gun-harreL.^ How lubly ! dar's dis gun wid a bag-on-it now ! hee- hee ! [Takes up pocket-hook, hut finds (hat he has so loaded himself that, to put it away, he must lay down the gun — does so, and puts pocket-hook in coat pocket. Job has entered l. tj. e., sieps up stage l., and points to Dismal — aside. Joe Heyah’s de ole man ag’in. What's he up to now ? What's he up to now ? Why — yah 1 he’s got two wide-awakes on ! he wasn’t a bit too wide awake afore ! Jimmy neddy ! Look at him stowin' away do cash 1 Oh ! [Comes dovm c.] dis sort ob ting can’t go on so. [Rushes ; bear made!” [Rubs his eyes, going b.. 8 16,000 YEAES AGO! Mudge enters l. , meUdw; signs to Joe — ^Job k. , Dismal o. , Mudgb l. Joe [Starts — aside. 'I I thought it was a perliceman. • Madge [Unseen by Dismal, comes to c.^ — mysteriously aside to Joe.] I say ! 'sh ! I say ! [Joe is embarrass^.'] Hush ! [Motions not to let Dismal know.'] ’tain’t capped ! [Holds ofui his finger and thumb as if he had a cap between them."] I’ll go you halves 1 [Joe, comic business of his not understanding gunnery^ passes the gun to Mudge, c. Mudge [Levels gun at Joe, who recedes to e. front, and then at Dismal, who recedes to l. front — thm, to Joe.] Take off dat 'ar hat I [Job removes haLl Put down dat ’ar hat! [iSois^ flings hat to q.'] Take off dat ’ar coat 1 [Joe does so.] Put down dat ’ar coat ! [Job flings coat to a] Now [Pointing gun alUmatdy at Joe and Dismal.] boff of yon get — [Joe runs o^R. 1 e., — ^Dismal runs off h. 1 e. Mudge [Laughs,'] Poor martyrs ob dis clothes-mart ! [Half kneels, the gun between his legs^ and picks up the coats, hats, d:c.] If dis haber- dashery business continues, I'll be able to hab a dash among de col- ored fokes. Heyah’s a dressing-gown for de million ! [Holds up coat.] a fourteen-an’ -sixer 1 [Piles up the artides on his arms, and the bag and pocket-book and hats in his hands. Enter l. u. e. , Dismal, coming down and across to c. front. Enter B. u. e., Joe to g. front. Mudge [jRiscs.] Well, guess I’ll go home to de ole woman ! I’m pooty well perwided for de winter 1 Joe and His [Reach c. front together, grasp gun, and levd it at Mudge, crying together.] Drop dem ’ar t’ings ! [Mudge lets all fell — Joe and Dismal hay dawn gun, and pick up hats, &c. Mudge is going to pick up gun — Joe and Dismal drop articles, and rush for gun — all three, each afraid the other will get U, dart back — great con- fusion, the coats, &c., flying about on all sides, while Assistants tn ivings throw up hats and coats. it I r i. it- IN ONE SCENE. NEW YOEK : HAPPY HOURS COMPANY, No. 1 CHAMBEBS STBEET. BAlSrClKG MAD, CHARACTERS. Bones. Tambo. Triangles. Interloouter. Tenor. Basso. SuKEr Snowball. Bones. Tambo. Triangles. Interlocuter Tenor. Basso. iSukey Snowball. COSTUMES. Ordinary evening dress, as worn by minstrels in opening part of entertainment. -Full ballet dress. Entered according to act of Congress In the year 1875, by Happy Hours Company^ in the office of the Librarian of Congress at Washington. DANCING MAD. Scene. — Landscape or wood in tJii/nd grooves^ Bones. {^Dances on R., singinq.) First of May is past and over, Summer’s coming with its joys j Don’t you smell the early clover? Up and at it, girls and boys. Vitus’ dance has clean done got me, That’s the tune to raise the dust ! Bang the sheepskin, sound the cymbals, Hold me or I’ll surely bu’st. t Goes Tamho. {^Dances on l. singing.) Hurry up de lively pic-nic — Gals, put on your Sunday best. In de fields I hear de humming Cf de bee in velvet drest ; Upward now de lark am soaring, Hear de ^varbler pipe and sing, Jine us in a merry measure, Dance Mobile Time am on de wing! (Ooes up R. Triangles, (^Dances on^ r.) Now I feel de spirit moving, Like a bottle of champagne, Wid de cork just cut, I’m fizzling— I’m alive in every vein ! Listen to de gay triangles. Tingle, jingle, how dey sound 5 Mingling wid de bones and cymbals, Clar de coop wlien I’m around ! ( Goes up I,. Interlocutor, {Dances on l.) Yes, get up and shake your trotters, Twist and turn your agile limbs, Stand aside for skill and science All your foreign art that dims ; Give me room to throw myself now, Let your Lauris hide their heads. And as for the famed Majiltons, Put them in their little beds 1 Tenor, {Dances on u,) ( Ooes up R* Yes, de promis’d time is coming, See, de road’s alive wid teams. Like two fresh picked huckleberries Drowned in milk, Sal’s eyeball gleams ; X / t Guess she’s struck a cliauioiid mine ! {Goes up L. Feed me on ice creams and nectar, Wid mint juleps wash it down, Lize and I will soon he mated — • Prettiest girl in all tlic towm ! Fail me wid the airs of summer From the Isles of Beauty hlown : When she sings, de soul of musb Lingers in her lightest tone ! {Goes up R, Bones. {Gomes down l., and takes c. Dances as he sings.) ^ See dem at de fete champetre Skipping like industrious fleas, Here and there they’re hopping, bobbing — Not an arm or leg at ease. Light as flakes of down tlieyVe floating. In their robes of muslin clad, Can’t keep still to save their gizzards — Sure they must be dancing mad ! ( Goes up L. Suhey Snowball. {Dances on R.) Stand around, you lively niggers ! I’m de gal can take you up ; When you’re dancing for de prizes Let me go in for de cup. 6 DANCma MAD. Heart’p as light as any fedder, In ti^e waltz, O see me spin! Fetch along your bully dancers, For de schottish dere’s a shin ! ( Comes down and stands R. Tamho, (^Gomes dovm b.,^ and takes 0. DancA h, as sings,) " ^ Thcr"^ s a form can vie with Venus, Don’t she shake a lively leg 1 There’s a foot like any fairy’s, Saw you eber such a peg? Terpsichore’s gitt in’ jealous, And the Graces curious grow. Hear dem blow like any bellows. Slide and let us have a show ! {All come down n* and L, dancing and singing, SuKB:? Snowbali. c. Chorus , — Bounding like de gay grasshopper, Up and down behold us bounce ; Shout and sing, for Summer’s coming, Gib us room to twirl and flounce 1 * {Dance changes to a quick walk-around^ and aiS exit r* and L.s.E. Note. — As each character up stage after dancing ^the others,, who are already there, loill congratulate him,, (in dumb show)^ and criticise the next davr- r. This sketch to be sffccti/vey requires to be worked up an quickly as possible^ t)* Ai/ »ia fx/iBHUMm. )i| Mnlclt, Tl^. 10 , Tlio Si4 Unk Vnikkee. 'lf^ a Bat-HiKun. in M Millions hi IL *I ih- “ ” Wavnf. 1 lltiloi tj JVlurriatjH. 'ti-ffco (irocors, The. *1 ikV.., . iru •• Temi)latu»HH. at Ijarae, » m :rarv LL*gac>\ T rwithuL fi l< atlier. K'w-fU Purniultort. 0. Tootln, Toil. •la Jsf k. ifHi lyaci MaoJ^ Y r .i5ut MUJ" r4% Wild ITJo .tfn.. i C’l,). T.io. *0 li*! -L i.ii la Umbrella. 1 «!, dy fruusinpfrifled, T^i'n ,^roth('r», The. utle ^Qcy Mirart’r. Wnio Woman oHii^ WorW^ The. Woman wllT bo a Worhaia^A. , . Women’* (Jlu^ Wbmi-'N liic' Wreck,. The, I T^nkee Pctidlor, ETH OPfilN DIlAMAv iiiinker. ' _ ^ tiie. iek :4 k BhfBe. luash. juia Cdx. y, burl^ue. t^ini lense Dance. Juhib^n. * Huat. Da. iy in uo Hollow* pers. The. riK»n Twins. Akm ob Tenors, X>6. eole Tall, Th*. 'HQiiig Mad. ?! ri^’s Dream, De. ^ ' "" t^edian^De. J lid Coon. : Ir. Fadl^ Gdi Gho Hao de-Haiden, De.- r ^ Jum. . tpiious Stranger. ' ^Year's, Calls. : lit Wid Brudder jTone*, A. .Ifbbody’sSon. . ; , ' No Cure, No Pay Octoroon, De. "Olvv Hush! * Oi«Dad^ Cabin.' :* ^ OM GunrGame, De. OAHunks. ,vM .. Did Kentucky Home* DO- • 01« Uncle' Billy. ' Old Zip Cfcoh. ■ ' • Pete and Ephraim. ^ ■ .1' !■. Pete's Luck; Popsy Dean. Porgy Jqei- Possum Fat. Quack Doctor; The. . ^ . Quarr^sdrtieBervaiij^ , Rival Lovers. • ^ ^ Rival Mokes-' 'i<. Robert IVIeKe-Airsi j R6om^ ..To Let, Without •Boatd':: v ? Rose Dale.*’' ' " ' ’ Sambo’s-Re^n. “ ^ Sqpnes al Guj^nej^jf ; - Scipio Afrt^us.' - . Dodt&t;' The;.- 3^=^? ■Sixtefe ■! , Agoi^f- Sports on a Lark. , - a. Stago-Strucl5T)arky, The. Thiev’es nt the' IVIill. ^ Threei Black-Smith*, The. V Tlcket-TaHer. -The. j. . . I . -Trail ob Bloodi De." _1 Trouble -Begins afNihevDo. Treubleson)e^erY!i pt. Turfceyalh ^asoh. UliicteJed. Uncle Tom - Under de Kecros,enc. Up Head. 3? MniamTeB. - '•'•j'r tCE A. jC T fear R,’ S ' E A. S ^ |)i, Qr, th© Art of “ |Wakir»§ Up, tf An .-.^ractiicl Guide to b^Ihner^^in the art. of face Correctly, embracing Wj ^e phases of liw anli r froi Ihe Ambitioifer Toutli to D^i‘^pld"01d v « ' ^ Wll'ft SIOTEE^f ll^^ ^ ado^ wilt y tiint hf prict. '■i; m. r .fiUipE TO a’ plain directions foi^Arranging, Decorating, and S|agQ»4*ait4i«gtti^ ‘' Making- up the €ace and head,,pre^i! 'Oosinmes^poi^iang, Kehear^^^ and Ferfohning all kinds of Plays. tsadfiedTOiiw^^^ ■ ' ' • ■': '•. ,s ■• ■ . and Tableau® \y 9eR,lYA'fE PERT'GRMA^CE. ‘ ■r.?- 25 Oen'^^ ' A HlS^TOky'/QF, tJh^ STA^k.MRibN^ Ye^vrs. iClifonblogy of the Amen^ an St^ rofit 1752 to x 85 ji« P- WiEM-y SS.: , tChjs work gives a list ^of all the .^toys and Actresses who have appe upon the American Stage ‘dprihg the above period^ the date and place of birfeli.*^^ : when and where- they ^mude' their hrst appearatic^ aiiid in what character, ana " * datp add place of death df all who ar^ deceased. To which is added a list of All tile Ihcatres built iii'Atiierica' a list, of all Theatres destroyed by Are, and the date of thpir be^g hujyjddi and a list of the Managers. f : A cc^i: .(5f the n^st pl»y jBiU issued in America, a copy of th*- first Play Bill Issued in KewAork Oity. A list of the first Theatrical Company that appcHf^vl ; Aiovrlcu. ami d lietf , of theArsfc Cofupacy-that appeared in New York. f! A ebpy bf the HiD of the Centennaiy Festival, of the introduction iOif*tlier ’ Drama ipto America, ,apd other valuable and interesting information. ■ ; Eu:?±00- - - - - - - 50 Ooin-tis. " 1 ] 7 SHAlCCSP^prE PROVERBSi ~ ^ *3?32lo “Wxs^ Sa-^o^s of oixac* “WAsosti Eo©i|f >; .'(Collected into a modern instance, beiilg nearly lOOOi of the wisest and wittiest df:ShakeiSpeaT.C’ 8 sayings, gathered into a neat volupae, suitable for th® pocket, By.MAulr CgwnnN Ch^ author of ‘VConcdrdance Ho Shakespeare*’’. I2nid, paperg? Pi^ce ‘^6-’ Cent^,. ' ' fPT :' I-iittle Feople ' A series of F^svpiiteATales of Childhood, drkauged in a dramatic form ft /^ome Performance, 'SjCbpol JBxhibi'tiOti§i, etc,; i^ith, full ‘^directions Jis r^gari ^anagei4hht!6f c6stWmes, ' scenery, etc., ih any parlor, at very little trouMn a: expense^ Price,, ^ Ceiite. j, r" : 3F p 3 ^ JTJ A NEW AND EKLAIRGED EDITION. .-r-: This is the' ihi^t CBDipletsj visrtrk 'on'diefadyeiituree ef 'lfeiJiiioci! ever lished. ,iBpsid^s lii^ 41 istory, it, contains an account of, his anpeafance ^ntry iwo hundred- yeats agdV'PetClls'^wHb l^ild h;phnciiandAudj^^mpy’' * J®}wHo.S.;Cl^ct and Maitage^thp'P&ppets\ Use.,thC^^heak^^ I instructions, AdAs to chableAnY persbu c^riy bn Auccei^l^UyHmA i entj^titiVTting Bho%,withJmi.morbus^DftegueB audlllhi^fra't%}),^; is udd^d a Diajogn^fut a y^ti^of.Ventril^niar Fibres Price