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Price'!/- See Catalogue, page 2. r A PHOTOGEAPHIC FIX: Jilt friginal Jfsra, IN ONE ACT. BT FREDERIC HAY, AUTHOR OF “ CAUGHT BT THE CUFF,” ETC., ETC., ETC. THOMAS HAILES LA.CY, THEATRICAL PUBLISHER, LONDON A PHOTOGRAPHIC FIX. Fivd FerfoYY)%ed at the Royal Victoria Theatre, on Saturday, November 4, under the management of Messrs. Fenton and Frampton. (iTfiatacteru, MICHAEL ANGELO CHEOME . EBENEZEE STAGGEES BOB CEOPP . . . . MISS DIANA DUFF . MISS CAEOLINE CEOPP. Me. Geobge Yaknold Mb. J. Howabd Mb. J. C. Levey Miss Heathcote Miss Ellen Powell MICHAEL ANGELO. — Long dressing-gown, smoking cap, light trousers. Second dress : Old grey coat, white hat. EBENEZEE STAGGEES. — Black coat, dark waistcoat and trousers, black hat. BOB CEOPP. — Coarse brown suit, wide-awake hat. DIANA DUFF. — Spotted muslin, dark shawl, bonnet. CAEOLINE CEOPP. — Blue muslin, grey shawl, light bonnet. (Mr. Lacy's Second List.) A PHOTOGRAPHIC FIX. ^ Scene represents a Photographer's Boom — camera on a tripod - — small table — bottle of water and glasses on table — door < centre — small cupboa/rd with practicable door L. — small ■; cupboard with practicable door R. f. M. Angelo, [discovered turnimg over leaves of a pocJcet- I hook.) Let me read her note once more, [takes out paper.) Brief but bitter, [reads) Beer one shilling and sixpence. 4 i Agonizing reminder of a neighbouring tap — go in. [puts H away and turns over leaves again — reads.) Summons from Buggin's for assault — washing two shirts and one stocking, l' fourpence ; by the way an extravagance I must’nt permit myself again, [turning over papers.) Another summons I from Buggin’s for another assault. Ah! here it is — un- i| grammatical but fatal epistle — come out. [takes out note.} j It’s folded in six, and sealed with a nutmeg-grater, [opens 1 ‘ it — reads.) Sir, we parts for ever and ever. When next we \ I meets, if ever, Diana DufE’s name will be Winkles. Will ’ it P G-ratifying for Winkles — confound Winkles. I’ll pick ■ "^^inkles out next time I see him. Euphonious but crusta- ^ ^ceous cognomen, go in. [puts note back — shuts book.) Circumstances of a pecuniary nature have since induced ^me to become engaged to Miss Caroline Cropp, in fact I ^borrowed five pounds of her — in fact the photography has |\vnot been flourishing, and Bob, her brother, he’s threatened ■| to kick me, and I’ve a moral conviction he’d do it too, if ^ I didn’t marry his sister — said he wasn’t going to have her - feelings trifled with — might as well talk about the feelings i *^of a fungus. However, they’ve arranged it all, and I’m going to marry her, it don’t make any difference now ^ Diana is somebody else. Ah, I loved her, and no mistake. iP [knock at door.) Ah, here comes Caroline, she comes every '' morning to gloat over her victim. ' ^ Enter Diana c. d., she has her veil down. No it ain’t. I t- Diana. Are you the young man that takes the pictures ? ^ M. Angelo. I’m the artist. Studied with Stanfield, well I V k nown in the Gallery. Plain or coloured P A PHOTOGRAPHIC FIX. Diana. A sixpenny one, please — won’t fade, will it ? M. Angelo. Certainly not, couldn’t if it tried. I’ll explain the principle to you. The colodion amalgamates. Diana, {stojppmg him.) Never mind, I dare say I shouldn’t understand it. M. Angelo. Very likely not. [aside.) I’m sure I don’t. Take a seat, prepare you a plate in a minute, {he goes to cn/phoard R., opens door.) I believe the atmosphere of this den is making fatal ravages on my constitution, I can’t stand it more than a minute at a time, [goes i/n and closes door.) Diana. There’s something about that young man puts me in mind of Jeremiah — it can’t be him — no. I shall never live to see him any more. Oh, what agony I’ve suffered since I sent him that wicked lying letter, saying I was going to marry Bob Winkles, but my rebellious heart is broken, [sits on edge of chair. M. Angelo, [coming out suddenly.) Right in the middle, more to the left, my dear — take off your bonnet. Whew it’s poisonous. Diana, [alarmed.) What! my bonnet ? M. Angelo. No, that awful cell, [poimts to cuphoa/rd.) (Diana removes her bonnet and veil.) ^Diai^^^ J eremiah ! } '^'^sh into each other^s arms.) M. Angelo, [suddenly putting her away .) Get out. What am I about, you’re Winkles’s wife. Diana. I aint’t, indeed. M. Angelo. I know you are, I ought to know. Want to get me indicted for bigamy, do you? Get away. Diana. I implore you to listen to me. That note I sent you was un — M. Angelo. Unpaid. Yes. Diana. No — untrue — false. I was jealous of your atten- tions to Maria. I sent it out of spite — forgive me. [sobs.) I’ve been punished enough, [seizes his hand.) M. Angelo, [pathetically.) I feel that I’m going to make a fool of myself. I say, don’t go on that way. Blow me if there isn’t some acid in my eye. [takes out handkerchief.) Diana. After I’d posted it, I was too proud, too wicked to go and ask your forgiveness, but I hoped you, who was always so good and kind — M. Angelo. No I wasn’t, I won’t have it. I never was good, [aside.) And I told her they wouldn’t fade.^ Now there’s some acid in the other eye, d — d if I don’t think A PHOTOGRAPHIC FIX. 5 I’m eni veiling. (Diana seizes both his hands.) Leave go, can’t you. Diana. No, never till I obtain your pardon. Two days after I posted that fatal letter, I called at your lodgings, and when they told me you’d gone away I fainted. For three weeks I lingered between life and death, I wanted to die. Oh Jeremiah forgive me, I deceived you ; I deserve it all. M. Angelo. No, you don’t, I deserve half of it. I was a consummate fool to believe the letter, of course nobody would marry a man called Winkles. I’ll never leave you again — never — never — never, {hissing her.) I’m a — Enter Caroline Cropp, c. door. Caroline. Eeptile ! this is too much for a sensitive heart. {sinhs into a chair.) M. Angelo, [shahing Diana off.) Let go, can’t you. You ought to be ashamed of yourself young woman (aside.) I’m in for it. (to Caroline.) I say it’s a joke — its an infer- nal joke — never saw her before, (signalizes to Diana.) Diana. Why, my dearest Jeremiah — M. Angelo. I ain’t, I object to it, I ain’t anybody’s Jeremiah, (aside.) I wish she wouldn’t be so confounded familiar, (to Caroline.) I say Caroline, (ajpjgroaches her, aside.) I know this will end in a blow up. Caroline, (rising.) Avaunt! you’re a hadder, and as for joviMiss, jovi re 2^ hadder ess. Oh! Angelo, (sobs.) Say, is this an optical infusion ? M. Angelo. Of course it is. Caroline. Am I wandering and deleterious ? M. Angelo. You are, and no mistake. Caroline, (pointing to Diana.) Is this a camera of the brain ? M. Angelo. Yes. ('points to camera.) Two of ’em. Diana. Jeremiah dearest. M. Angelo. There she goes again, (aside to Diana.) Call me a beast, there’s a dear, you’ll be the death of me. Caroline, (going to camera.) No sir, it’s real — (goes to table and upsets tumbler of 'water, 'which she throws down and then breahs.) this is real — (throws down a plate.) and that’s real — it’s all real — (putting her hand to her heart.) but this is broken. M. Angelo, (who is endeavouring to join the brohen pieces of plate together.) I can have it mended for tuppence. Caroline. My peace of mind destroyed. M. Angelo. (stUl contemplating plate.) Eegularly smashed. 6 A PHOTOQBAPHIC FIX. Caroline. And my feelings — M. Angelo, {loohing at wet on table.) Upset all over the table. Caroline, {ajojoroachi/ng him.) Monster ! this is no infu- sion. [pointing to Diana.) I see the naked truth before my eyes. I despise you, and as for you Miss, I leave you with the partner of your crime till my brother’s distribution falls upon his head, [to M. Angelo.) Wretch ! I shake you off, [shakes him.) but remember Bob. My brother Bob lives to avenge me. Remember ! [stalks out tragically, c. door, looking hack.) Remember 1 Diana. I thought you would never love another ? M. Angelo. I don’t love her, I never did, I hate her. Diana. I feel faint. M. Angelo. Don’t, there’s a good girl, postpone it till you can do it properly, there’s no time now, these premises ain’t safe. Come back in an hour, I’ll explain it all. I think I hear somebody coming — it’s Bob. Diana. After all I’ve suffered — is this the fruit ? M. Angelo. No, it’s the Cropp, don’t detain me. I wouldn’t be responsible for the consequences if Bob catches me. Diana. Who’s Bob P M. Angelo. He’s a tanner. Diana. Hide yourself. M. Angelo. He’ll reserve that right for himself, don’t go alluding to it in that facetious manner, I want to look up the establishment ; go away, there’s a dear, come back in an hour, [kissing her ) Yours till death, or till Bob comes, which I take to be about the same sort of thing — good bye. [ExU Diana, c. door. M. Angelo. I’ve decided on vacating this barn before the Cropp’s come in, because I’ve a presentiment he’ll be- gin thrashing at once. These premises are positively becoming dangerous, it’s been a chamber of horrors to me ever since I’ve taken photographs at sixpence a head. I’ve made up my mind to reduce the standard. I wouldn’t photograph any healthy-looking man over five foot four unless he were paralysed for anything less than a heavy pecuniary consideration. I was summoned twice last week and had my head punched because the photograph’s faded ; just as if I can help it, and now here’s a lively prospect of being maimed for life if Bob catches me. Holloa ! I hear somebody coming — the Philistines are upon me — to arms. [takes hat.) Where’s my umbrella, [takes up umbrella.) Now then, ['places umbrella at his side like a bayonet.) Charge ! A PHOTOGRAPHIC FIX. i [rushing off he runs against Staggers, who is just entering the door.) Staggers. Confound it! you needn’t charge so high. [rubbing his breast.) You’ve knocked the wind out of me. [seizes him.) M. Angelo. Here, let go — blow your wind — I’m in a hurry. Staggers, [dragging him bach.) So am I. M. Angelo. Well, Gall again next week, [aside.) I’m in for it again, the same old song of fading away, I suppose. Staggers, ['pointing to chair.) Sit down. M. Angelo. I’d rather not. Staggers. I insist on it! [tahes chair.) M. Angelo. Oh ! if you’re going to get nasty over it, I don’t mind, to oblige you. [sits down.) Staggers, [feeling in his jpocket.) How then sir, don’t you think — M. Angelo. Certainly, I’m quite of your opinion. [rising.) There’s a gentleman anxious to see me profession- ally — good bye. Staggers, [detaining him.) He can wait. M. Angelo. I can’t though ; besides, you mustn’t keep Landseer waiting — Sir Edward won’t like it. Staggers, [producing photographic cards, and showing them to Angelo.) How sir, perhaps you’ll have the goodness to inform me what you call these ? M. Angelo, [inspecting them and. looking round anxiously, aside.) That savage will be here directly. Gall those ? Well, to let you into a professional secret, they’re cards, and I’m prepared to stand by the consequence of the asser- tion. Staggers. I know they’re cards, but what’s on ’em. [holds them close to M. Angelo.) M. Angelo. The Academy won’t like my letting you into the mysteries. Staggers, [angrily.) What’s on them M. Angelo. Your fingers ; now don’t you tell anybody. Staggers. This equivocation is useless, sir. What was on them yesterday ? M. Angelo. My fingers ! don’t you go asking me any more professional questions, you’ll get me into trouble, you will, [rises.) Staggers, [rising.) This subterfuge won’t save you. Yesterday I paid you six shillings for those cards, and they had my portrait on them, warranted not to fade. Oblige me by scrutinizing them, and then inform me if 8 A PHOTOGRAPHIC FIX. they haven’t faded, {gives him the cards, which are jperfectly hlanh.) M. Angelo, {inspecting them.) They haven’t faded, cer- tainly not. {loohing at them closely.) I can’t see a vestige of anything, they haven’t faded, they’ve vanished. I never said they wouldn’t vanish. I’m undergoing the process myself, {attempts to go.) Staggers, {stopping^ him.) Hot if I know it, till you’ve refunded my six shillings. M. Angelo. Why didn’t you say so at once, {feeling i/n pochet, tahes out a shilling.) There’s one. {looking anxiously round.) Bobby Jingo ! I think I hear him. {to Staggers.) I say, take a cheque on Coutts’ for the balance, or stop, you haven’t got change for a five pound note, have you? Staggers. Yes ! M. Angelo. That’s awkward. Staggers. On the contrary, I think its rather refreshing. M. Angelo. Oblige me by allowing me to know best. I say it is awkward. Staggers. To have change ? M. Angelo. Ho, not to have the note, {aside.) This is very embarassing. {reflecting.) Staggers. I want — M. Angelo, {stopping him.) Don’t interrupt me. You very nearly robbed the world of — Staggers. Six shillings ! M. Angelo. Ho! of an idea, {aside.) What a mercenary old blackguard. I have it ! There’s a gentleman owes me several pounds, {aside.) I shall get them too if Bob comes ; perhaps you wouldn’t mind receiving them, or if that proposition don’t suit, I’m prepared to make an alarm- ing sacrifice. I’ll take your photograph by a new process, and colour them for nothing. I’ll be back in ten minutes ; in the meantime you can amuse yourself with the camera. I dare say you’ll find it a source of pleasing excitement. {looking ohout anxiously, aside.) He can’t be long now. I say you mustn’t detain me any longer, back in ten minutes, au revoir. {is about to go.) Staggers. Are you deceiving me ? M. Angelo. You may depend on me — good bye. {Exit c. Staggers. How I’m alone again; solitude is always suggestive of strychnine and despair since I’ve lost Caro- line — I’ve dissipated a small fortune in advertising for her. {takes out neivspa'per.) Here it is as plain as fourpence a line can make it. {reads.) “ Anybody giving information A PHOTOGRAPHIC FIX. 9 respecting Caroline Cropp, shall be handsomely rewarded, by applying to Ebenezer Staggers, Muggin’s-row,Pimlico.” I’ve been inundated with replies — there have been fifty crops in the field, but the real Caroline isn’t to be bad ; last June I was attracted to Brighton for a small change — three shillings and sixpence — I made Caroline’s acquaint- ance by the sad sea wave — she’d accidentally dropped this handkerchief [takes out handkerchief) I’ll waive it, not the handkerchief, no, the subject it’s too painful — she was at that time commercially interested in tripe — but her heart was above it — anatomically speaking it would be — aided by an aged parent she disposed of that nourishing diet to the public — her only brother was absent in America. The poetical situation of the entire family was too affecting for my sensitive nature — I loved her — proposed — was accepted, and composed an Ode to Tripe as a delicate attention to Caroline. Alas ! that wasn’t all I owed to tripe — no ! one fatal night, t’was a Friday, I’d partaken of that article in defiance of the popular ditty — scorning superstition, I was sauntering home listening to the “ murmur of the tide,” when two myrmidons of the law flew at me, seized me, bound me tight — yes, they were tight — they wouldn’t let go, appeal was of no avail — they wouldn’t hear me, they refused even to listen to the murmer of the tied, although I’ve every reason to believe I rose into eloquence more than once — with an incorrectness that became irritating I was informed at intervals as they dragged my body along the sand that they ''knowed I was the cove,” when I knowed I wasn’t. It appears that another blackguard called Staggers had committed a forgery and fled to Brighton. My name was Staggers, Brighton my residence, so the law, with its usual discrimination, took me for the other man — the inexorable law demanded a Staggers — I was flung into a dungeon, but the law had a Staggers — after three weeks detention my case came on — ^I came off, honourably acquitted — the real Staggers was captured — released, I flew to Brighton — Caroline’s residence was shut up — so was I. A notice informed the public the business was sold — so was I. Since that day I’ve been wandering about a victim to circumstances — excitement has become necessary to my repose — I must be up and doing — my brain grows obscure. Ah ! here’s the obscura (arranges the camera, puts cloth over his head and appears as if endeavouring to focus something) Yes, I’m an altered man, grief has left ibs awful mark on — 10 A PHOTOGEAPHIC FIX. Enter Bob Cropp c., who immediately gives him a whach over the hack with a stick. My back ! oh Lord ! Bob seizes him hy the hack of the neck, runs him round the stage. Bob. Marry her, won’t youP Snakes, I’ll riddle you (stops at footlights, then runs him round again). Staggers. Now we’re off again. Bob (stopping) Now what have you got to say ? Staggers, (revolving) Nothing till I have done revolving. I shall come round directly, and then I mean to give you in charge of the tallest policeman I can find. Bob. Oh, snakes ! here’s a mistake ! Took you for the other man. Staggers. Well, don’t do it again. I’m always being taken for the other man. You’ve turned every drop of blood in me twice ; how would you like it ? Bob. I’m excited. You’d be excited too if you’d gone through what I have. I didn’t hurt you, did I P Staggers. Didn’t you though ? I ought to know (rubs hack). Bob. Serves you jolly well right ! What business had you looking through that machine. Took you for Michael Angelo. Staggers. I’m clawed ! Look here (points to coat colla/r) and spun round like a dancing dervish, (aside) He must be a pupil of Turner’s. My head’s swimming now. Bob. (looking about room) Where is he. I’ll pound him into smash if I catch him — that’s the second blackguard that’s jilted my sister — the other was a convict — I’d like to get the pair of ’em — snakes, I would, I’d throttle ’em. (to Staggers) What are you doing here, located perhaps ? Staggers. Certainly not, I’m waiting for that rascab Michael Angelo. Bob. What’s he done for youP Staggers. Nothing, and charged me six shillings for it. ■ Bob. What are you going to do for him P Staggers. Punch his head, and charge him six shillings for it. Bob. Mean it P Staggers. I do. Bob. Grive us your flipper. I’ll help you. Shouldn’t wonder if he ain’t stowed somewhere — located to the garret. You stay here, I’ll track him down like a beaver. (Exit centre. A PHOTOGRAPHIC FIX. 11 Staggers. Capital ! its getting quite exciting — in fact its a trifle too exciting. I'm not quite sure that he hasn’t dislocated my collar-bone — never mind, can’t take me for Michael Angelo again, so here goes, [goes to camera en- deavourmg to fix it.) Seems on its last legs, [pulls out legs) or else its suffering from constitutional weakness. Con- found it, I can’t arrange this tripod. Ah ! tri/pe — odd, the mention of that name should remind me of Caroline. [arranges cloth over his head as before, and looiks through camera.) I almost fancy I see her before me — she looks like an — Enter Caroline, c. who immediately seizes him and drags him bach, the cloth being still over his head. Caroline. Alligator ! my brother hasn’t killed you yet. Staggers, [under cloth.) There’s that revolving ruffian other man. [emergimg from cloth.) What, Caroline ! 1 [he attempts to embrace her.) Ebenezer ! ! ! [waves him off.) Away, the mark or Gam is on you. Staggers. I shouldn’t wonder, [turmng her his bach.) It isn t swollen, is it ? CHOLINE. Oh Ebenezer ! you’ve broke my heart- — you winded yourself round my young affiictions like a boa-con- structor round the neck of a panther — I’m breathless. Staggers. I say, don’t go on that way. CHOLINE. I shall ! never can I forget that fatal Friday ^ scarcely left me when a customer comes in — ^ T? ^ captured him” says he — “ Making so bold,” who says I ? Ebenezer Staggers the forger says he — I was ser- ving him with tripe, and it quite turned . Staggers. The tripe ? Caroline. E^o, turned my blood — I dropped — Staggers. The knife ? Caroline. No, the subject till he was gone — then I went out and found it was true. Staggers. It’s a lie. Caroline. Ebenezer, you’re a convict, and Caroline weeps for you like a crockydile sobbin for its offspring. Staggers. There she goes again with her Zoological ^mparisons leave off. I tell you I ain’t, I was torn away rrom you and hurled into a dungeon, mistaken for another 1 ^®cd to it — I rather like it. There’s an awlml blackguard just gone out, who, after dislocating my collar-bone and describing sundry circles with me, coolly u. OF ILL LIB^ 12 A PHOTOGRAPHIC FIX. informed me he’d taken me for the other man — and I*m grateful for it. Caroline. That was my brother. Staggers. That revolving ruffian — ah, nice gentlemanly young man — excitable disposition though. Caroline. Do you know him ? Staggers. Yes ; I was very much struck by him — [aside) — principally about the back. Oh, Caroline, what IVe sufEered on your account. Caroline. And what IVe suffered on yours. Staggers. Yes ; what we’ve both suffered on each other’s account — three weeks I fed on the damp vapours of a dungeon — it was an “ awful cell,” but I was honourably acquitted, I’ll show you the documents. I say that revolving blackguard — I mean that excitable young man said somebody wouldn’t marry his sister, he didn’t mean you — say he didn’t. Caroline. But he did ! I am — that is, I was engaged to Michael Angelo. Staggers. Blow Michael Angelo ! he shan’t have yon — he owes me six shillings — I was honourably acquitted — I’m engaged to you — besides I’ve come into property — I’ve got a thousand pounds. Caroline. This is too much for a sensitive heart — I’m overcome, [sinks into Stagger’s arms — Staggers embraces her. Enter Bob Cropp, seeing Staggers, seizes cmd drags him away. Bob. What, at it again you villain — come out of that— what before my very eyes — possums, [flourishimg his stick.) I’ll get some music out of you. Staggers. I shouldn’t wonder — I’m collared and collared and I’ve been recently hammered. I believe this camera T1 be the death of me. I wonder whether this is what Michael Angelo calls pleasing excitement — ’cause if it is I’ve had enough. Caroline. Oh ! Bob, don’t, it’s Ebenezer. Bob. What Ebenezer ? Caroline. My Ebenezer ! Ebenezer Staggers ! Bob. The convict? come on. [squares at him.) I thought you were no great shakes. Staggers. And I’d conceived such a contrary opinion of you — specially after you dislocated my neck. Bob. Come on. Staggers, [takes chai/r and places before Mm — aside.) Now he’s going to begin again — leave off ! A PHOTOGRAPHIC FIX. 13 Caroline. Spare him, there’s been a mistake. Bob. There’s always a mistake somewhere — come on young Botany Bay. (follows him round Stage.) Staggers. I really believe he likes it. Murder ! Police ! Hold him down. Caroline, (stopping Bob.) Spare him — he’s innocent — its another Staggers. What he have sufEered. Bob. The other Staggers. Caroline. Ho ; this one. Bob. Then come on. (Caroline still holds him.) Staggers. That’s right Caroline — hold him down — there’s been a mistake — an infernal mistake — I ought to know — I ain’t myself at all, and the other Staggers or somebody else. I’ll explain it directly — I’m staggered for the minute — I was honourably acquitted — show you the papers, (approaching him.) I say I didn’t mind your dis- locating my neck — upon my life I didn’t — I ought to know, I forgive you — shake hands. How d’ye do? I’m going to marry her — it’s awful jolly — shake hands again — quite well? I’ve come into property — I’ve got a thousand pounds — it’s all right, (he takes Caroline aside.) Bob. a thousand pounds, it must be all right. I’m bound to take something out of Michael Angelo at any rate. Caroline. I despise the artist. Staggers. So do I, we all do — turn him out. Bob. Where is he ? Did you say he charged you ? Staggers. Yes, with his umbrella — injured the ribs. Bob. Of his umbrella ? Staggers. Ho, mine. I say, let’s take it out of his camera. I’ll photograph you— I know all about it, saw him do it yesterday. Bob. All right— now then fire up. (sits down.) I’m squatted, (aside.) He’s got a thousand pounds. Caroline you go and tell mother to get supper. I’ll bring the convict —I mean Mr. Staggers— better take a cab. (to Staggers ) Young manacles— haven’t got five shillings about you have you ? ’ Staggers. Course I have — glad you asked me — don’t I belong to the family ? Bob. You do, and a highly useful member you’ll become, (takes money.) Here you are, Caroline, (gives her money,) Caroline. Cood bye, Ebenezer. Staggers. My angel, good bye. (Exit Caroline, c. Don’t I feel jolly now I’ve found her ; I’m lighter than a B 14 A PHOTOGEAPHIC FIX. cork — I shall have to he wired down directly. Get np. {imlls Boh out of chair.) I don’t know what I’m about, sit down ; {forces him into chair) this excitement has upset me. {get up.) I forgot we want the plates and chemicals ; he keeps them in here, {pointing to cupboards.) You go in there, {points to cupboard e.) that’s where he keeps the plates. Bob. {going to cupboard r, loohs in.) Keeps the plates here, does he ; dirty beast, wonder where he keeps the knives and forks. Staggers. Go in! (puts him in.) Shut the door, light’s fatal. Bob. So’s darkness, I think ; phew ! don’t it stink ; {goes vn — loohing out) none of your larks, now. {shuts door.) Staggers, {going to cupboard l. — opens door.) Whew ! it’s enough to kill a fellow ; never mind, it’s only for a minute, {enters and shuts door after him.) M. Angelo, {who enters cautiously.) All quiet, they were tired of waiting, I suppose ; {looking round) no indications of violence. There’s no time to be lost, I’ve decided on quitting these quarters for a month, and taking a better half for life — Diana and Dover — sea bathing, shrimps and winkles ; no, hang winkles, I’ve had enough of him. As I’m not aware of the existence of any Act of Parliament to prevent a gentleman securing his property, here goes. {goes to cupboard L. and locks it, putting keg in his pocket.) I don’t pretend to any refinement of feeling, but I’m blowed if I’d put a fellow in that den ; {crosses to R. and locks cupboard pocketing the key) and as for this, it’s the most “ awful cell,” out. Kow I’ve made everybody and everything snug and comfortable. Hurrah 1 for Diana and Dover. Tra-la-la. {dances off, c.) Staggers, {knocking at door.) It’s all ready, open the door. Bob. Let me out, Snakes ! I’ll smash up everything ! Staggers. Do, there’s a good fellow — I’m choking — it’s poisonous. Bob. Water ! murder ! {crash heard.) All the chemicals down, it’s all up. I’m on fire ! I shall burst. Staggers. Open the door, do ! this is manslaughter. Good bye, Caroline ! — {noise heard) — the expiring words of Stagger’s are Enter Michael Angelo, c. M. Angelo. In the excitement of the moment, I quite forgot Diana was coming here ; she can’t be long now. A PHOTOGBAPHIC FIX. 5 [takes a chair.) A moment of calm reflection and a mouthful of something to eat, wouldn’t be amiss, [takes from his pocket a penny roll and a sausage) as the only nourishing article of consumption I’ve tasted to-day, is a [noise in cupboard, L.) Cat by jingo — that’s the third floor’s — it’s my belief they neglect that animal, poor devil, I locked him in, I suppose, [goes to cupboard calling out.) Pish ! get out of that. Staggers. I can’t — good bye — farewell. M. Angelo. Burglars ! by the Lord Harry, [calling to Staggers.) You’re in for it — serves you right for prigging, [calling through keyhole) it’s a lifer — Horsemonger-lane jail. He must be hard up for oxygen, blowed if he isn’t break- ing through the keyhole ; he’s on the gui vive. [goes to table a7id gets tumbler of water which he throws through keyhole.) G-et out of that you luxurious blackguard, [listening) I think he’s expiring ; I hear him blowing and gasping — he’s near his last kick — can’t hurt if I do let him out. [opens door, Staggers comes out, face somewhat black, he ap'pears exhausted and sinks into nearest chair.) He’s awful bad, [shakes him) wake up young Kleptomania. Holloa ! it’s my friend fading away — I’m off — devilish hard I can’t enjoy a meal without being disturbed, [pids roll and sausage into his pocket.) Staggers. A glass of water and I’ll forgive you. M. Angelo, [aside.) What a thirsty beast, he’s had one. tfrmgs him glass of water.) Staggers, [taking it.) I shan’t survive it. M. Angelo, [stopping him.) Don’t drink it, then. Staggers. JSTo, not this; that “Awful Cell.” [yoints to cupboard, appears exhausted, closes his eyes.) M. Angelo, [sitting down, commences to eat agam.) Have a bit. [offers him sausage, looking at him.) Hang me if he hasn’t put the shutters up, wake up ; how do you think a gentleman can enjoy the luxuries of life, if you persist in conducting yourself in that disgraceful manner, think you’re at an alderman’s feast, I suppose — I’m powerfully impressed with the idea that there’s an undue proportion of pepper with the meat in this orbicular diet, which popular prejudice has condemned as an article of consump- tion, but when you know the author of ’em as I do, and feel convinced you’re eating [noise heard in cupboard B.) Cat, by jingo, [getting up) it’s enough to make a fellow feel sick, I can’t get a morsel of food without being interrupted, [goes to clipboard, R., calls out.) Pish ! get out of that ! Fancy you are on the tiles, perhaps ; but you ain’t. 16 A PHOTOGHAPHIC FIX. Bob. {from inside.) Oh, Staggers, I’ll smash you, when I get out. M. Angelo. Burglar this time, {calling to him.) You’re in for it, its a lifer — I’m going for assistance. You’d better make yourself comfortable till the van comes, {going down to Staggers, who has somewhat recovered.) I say, I’ve got him ! Staggers. Who? M. Angelo. Burglar, you fool ; you didn’t think it was Cardinal Wolsey, did you ? Staggers. Where? M. Angelo, {pointing to cuphoard.) There ! Staggers. I expect its Bob. M. Angelo. What Bob ? Staggers. Bob Cropp, my Caroline’s brother. M. Angelo, {aside.) Bob Cropp, his Caroline’s brother, consequently Bob Cropp, my Caroline’s brother. Staggers. Let him out. M. Angelo. Are you confident he’s well secured ? Staggers. Yes ! M. Angelo. Then I shall conclude my irregular meal. {sits down and commences eating.) Staggers. Want to murder the man do you? give me the key — he must be nearly dead — I ought to know — I was as nigh gone as a toucher myself. M. Angelo, {giving him hey.) Oh, if you think he’s nearly expired you can let him out — I shan’t. Staggers goes to cupboard ^ unlochs door — Bob issues face hlacJcened — seizes Staggers heats him round stage. Bob. I’ve got you, you jail bird — lock me in would you ? Staggers. ISTow he’s beginning again. Let go, this is another egregious mistake. It’s the other man ; I never locked you in ! Bob. How did I know that — you’d no business to let me out then — serves you right — don’t you do it again. Staggers. Certainly not. Bob. Didn’t you hear me singing out ? Staggers. No ; you never sung out. Bob. I didn’t — I howVd thoiigh. I’ve been doing nothing else since I’ve been in there but yell and yell — look at me ! ain’t I yeller ! ! the infernal bottles kept tumbling out — I’m dyed. Staggers. I’m dead — I’ve been in there too (pointing to cupboard, L. j ; don’t you delude yourself with the idea that I’ve had a pleasant time of it ’cause I have’nt — look A PHOTOGBAPHIC FIX. 17 at me — call tliis a respectable appearance — I say I never locked you in. Bob. Why did’nt you say so then — got the lock jaw ? Staggers. No — I got the key to it. Bob. To the lock jaw ? Staggers. No ; to tie mystery. Bob. Where ? Staggers, {'pointing to Michael Angelo) There ! Bob. {seizing M. Angelo,) Come here — I did’nt see you before. Now Michael Angelo, I’ll work you to an oil — no use resisting, in you go. {collars hi'm.) Staggers. Of course you do — {seizes hi'm.) M. Angelo. I’m innocent. Staggers. You’d better inform the public you’re retiring from business. M. Angelo. Mr. Cropp don’t — its quite a mystery to me. This lock beats the human understanding. I say, be gene- rous — don’t plunge me into despair. It’s very likely I shall be the father of a family — you ought to take that into consideration — I’ll do anything — I’ll marry Caroline. Staggers. Marry Caroline — you brute — only breathe her name and you’re a corpse {drags him along.) M. Angelo. Now this maniac’s beginning. Bob. In you go — you’ll have plenty of time for reflection in the dark. M. Angelo. Don’t make light of it — I’ll marry her. Staggers. No, you won’t, I — M. Angelo. I’m engaged to her. Staggers. So am I. M. Angelo. Do you mean to marry her ? Staggers. Yes ! M. Angelo. Then I’ll forgive you. You ain’t joking, are you? Staggers. Forgive me — I don’t mean to forgive you; I’ve had my neck dislocated — my head punched — my back broken. I’ve been dragged a horrible spectacle round this room, and only just escaped suffocation by a mere chancfe. All this on your account, and now you want to marry my wife, and then you’re anxious to forgive me — I object to it — want to marry her ? M. Angelo. No, I don’t. I wouldn’t marry her for — {loohs at Boh.) Bob. {shaking him) Wouldn’t you. M. Angelo. I’ll do anything, {aside) Here’s sudden death on both sides, and a gaping cemetery in front. Mr. Cropp,' respect the last moments. It looks bad to be hurried into a tomb. 18 A PHOTOGRAPHIC FIX. Bob. In you go, neek and — {'pushes him), M. Angelo. Cropp, don’t. It’s a solemn moment — don’t. (struggles) Enter Diana, runs to Bob, stopping him. Diana. Spare him, I implore you. Look at him, he’s going to die. M. Angelo. Yes ; going to Di-ana. Bob. (to Angelo) Who’s this young woman, do you know her? M. Angelo, (to Staggers) You’re going to marry Caroline, ain’t you ? None of your larks, you know ! Staggers. Of course I am ! Bob. Who is it? M. Angelo, (to Bob) I say you won’t be angry, will you ? It’s my wife that is to be, subject to your approval, of course. ■ Diana. Yes, gentlemen, spare him (to Boh) don’t strike him — forgive him for my sake. M. Angelo. Co it Diana — they can’t stand that long. Bob. Well, (releasing him) now look here. I’m going to be lenient with you on account of her, but mind you don’t come any of your tricks again with Bob Cropp ’cause if you do ( shahes fist at him.) M. Angelo. I comprehend perfectly-put it away, don’t. Bob. Now young Staggers our supper’s waiting — (goimg) — stop, suppose we invite Michael Angelo. Staggers. I’m agreeable. Bob. Angelo — come and join us — you can bring Mrs. Angelo — forgive and forget — I like to do the thing hand- some. M. Angelo. He ain’t a bad sort. Bob. What are you dodging about, come -along. M. Angelo. I want to say a few words to our friends in front. Bob. Why don’t you do it then. M. Angelo. So I will — (coming to footlights.) Ladies and Gentlemen, — My attempts at photography haven’t been encouraging, but if I have only succeeded in developing a smile and fixing your attention, I shall accept it as a positive proof that however exaggerated might have been the lens employed to focus the follies of an hour, it has at least your approbation, and the Artist and his assistants in this tableau will only be too happy to prepare plates for your entertainment whenever you’ll favor us with a sitting. Bob. Diana. Michael Angelo. Staggers. Curtain* No Goods Exchanged or Sent on Approval. DESCRIPTIVE CATALOGUE OF PLAYS, AND DRAMATIC WORKS, With a Complete List of Amateur Flays and Articles. C O N T^E N T S . PAGE. Amateur Operas 30 Amateur Plays 35 Articles needed by Amateurs . . . . 45 Bits of Burlesques '.26 Bound Set of Plays 23 Brough’s Biirlesques 30 Bulwer Lytton’s Plays 24 Burnt Cork 45 Carnival of Authors 29 Charades 26 Comic Dramas for Male Characters.. 30 Costume Plates, Male 39 Costume Plates, P'emale .. ..42 Cumberland’s Edition 16 Darkey Drama 27 Dramas for Boys 30 English Operas 31 Engravings 24 Ethiopian Dramas .. ..27 Evening’s Enterluinment 28 P'airy and Home Plays ..28 I'rench Opera Boufles 30 F'rench’s Edition 2 F renqh’s Standard and Minor Drama 14 Grease Paints 48 Guide Books 29 Italian Operas 30 Juvenile Plays Knight’s Cabinet Shakespeare . . Ladies’ Plays Lightning for Pnvate Theatricals Make-up Book Make-up Box . 28 23 29 46 48 48 Lining Colour 46 PAGE Male Character Pieces 25 Miscellaneous Edition 22 IMrs. Jarley’s Wax Works 25 Music for Sale 31 Music to Loan 32 Nigger Jokes and Stump Speeches . . 28 Operettas 25 Pantomimes 26 Parlour-Comedies 23 Parlour*Magic .. ..23 Parlour Pantomimes *34 Pieces of Pleasantry 26 Peciters and Speakers 34 Bistori’s Plays 23 Pound Games 23 Pouge 46 Scenery 48 Scenes for Amateurs 24 Scriptural Plays 30 Sensation Dramas 26 Sensation Series 26 Serio-Comic Dramas, Male Characters 30 Shadow Pantomimes 24 Shakespearian Costumes 31 Shakespeare’s Plays 22 Tableaux Lights 45 Tableaux Vivants .29 Temperance Plays 38 Tom Taylor’s Comedies 24 Vocal Music of Shakespeare’s Plays 24 Webster’s Acting Edition 21 Wigs, Beards, Moustaches, &c.. .. 47 Works on Costumes 31 ALL MAILABLE ARTICLES IN THIS CATALOGUE SENT POST FPEE IN THE UNITED lONGDOM (EXCEPT WHEPE OTHERWISE MARKED) FOREIGN POSTAGE MUST BE ADDED. IN ORDERING AND REMITTING BY MAIL ALWAYS SEND P.0.0. IF POSSIBLE. lSs'^-8 1. London : SAMUEL FKENCH; PUBLISHER, 89, STKAND. New York : SAMUEL FRENCH & SON, PUBLISHERS, 38, EAST 14th STREET. Payment MUST aocompany each Order. Catalogue with above Contents sent Free Tb 9 §§ who receive 9Xtra Oatalsgu^s kindly hand them tp Fripaa-i. FRENCH’S ACTING EDITION— 7s. per VoL, 6d. eacb. 1591 1592 1593 1594 1595 159? 1597 1598 1599 1600 1601 1602 1603 1604 1605 VOLUME 1 7. The Briilal Wreath The Gohl Tom Bosvliiir Narcissc the Vagrant Every one lias his fault The Devil’s uucat Parted Love and Honour On the Clyde Mary’s Ui oatn Bitter lleelconing The Vampire Headless llorseman Oor Geordie Eileen Ogc ^606 1607 1608 1609 1610 1611 1612 1613 1614 1615 1616 1617 1618 1619 1620 1621 1622 1623 1624 1625 1626 1627 1628 1629 1630 1631 1632 1633 1634 1635 1636 1637 1638 1639 1640 1641 1642 1643 1644 1645 1646 1647 1648 1649 1650 VOLUME 108. Cracked Heads (Burl.) Jacket of Blue Bathing Ladies Battle An Old Score For Honor Sake My Sister from India Our Bitterest Foe Maria Martin Among tlie Relics Nabob for an hour An Old Man Village Nightingale Our Nelly Partners for Life 1651 1652 1653 VOLUME 109. Chopstick and Spikins Chiselling Barbarossa Birds in their littde, &c. Pretty Predicament The Wife, li. Brian Boroihme Seven Sins Good Natured Man Hand and Glove Keep your Eye on Her British Born Jessamy’s Courtship False Alarm Up in the World VOLUME no. Uncle’s Will, Is. Fame One in the Hand, &c. Chain of Guilt Peter Bell Little Sunshine Insured at Lloyds Demon of the Desert Dice of Death False Colours _ Rose of Corbeil The Signal h'ower of Lochlain Vidocq Weaver of Lyons VOLUME 111. AYho’ll lend me a Wife Extremes meet Bould Soger Boy 16 >4 Golden Ploigh 1655 Sweethearts 16)6 Li;tle Back Parlour 1657 Anchor of Hope 16-58 Home Again 16-59 Sylvester Dagger wood 166 ) Tale of a Comet 1661 Deep Red Rover (Brlsq. 1662 Unprotected Female 1663 Under False Colours 1664 Heroes 1665 Who do they take, me for VOLUME 112. 1666 The Provost of Bruges 1667 Bell Ringer of St. Paul’s 1668 Philanthropy 1669 Weak Woman 1670 Velvet and Rags 1671 Little Vixens 1672 Cut for Partners 1673 The Coming Woman 1674 Love’s Alarms 1675 Telephone 1676 An appeal to the feelings 1677 Too late to save 1678 Just my lutk 1679 Grateful Father 1680 Happy medium VOLUME 113. 1681' All’s well that ends well I6S2 Poppleton’s predicaments 1683 ^Auld acquaiuiance 1684 Weeds 1685 Sole survivor 1686 Brewer of Preston 1687 White pilgrim 1688 Neck or Nothing 1689 Dentist's Clerk 1690 Winter’s Tale 1691 Old Soldiers 1692 My Daughter’s D^bnt 1693 Word of Honour 1694 False Step, Is. 1695 Sold Again VOLUME ir 1696 Guy Faux 1697 Little Madcap 1698 Handsome Jack 1699 Scarlet Dick 1700 Liz 1701 St. Patrick’s Day 1702 Behind the Sceae 1703 W'edding March 1704 Wild Boy of Bohemia 1705 My wife’s father's sister 1706 His Novice 1707 Much too clever 1708 W’’here shall I dine 1709 Innkeeper’s Daughter 1710 Highland Fling VOLUME 115. 1711 Lodgings for Single Gen- 17 12 Note Forger [tlemea 1713 Hamlet Improved 1714 Our Friends, Is. • 1715 Queen of Hearts ^ 1716 Lady of Lyons Married 1717 Bitter Cold [and Settled 1718 Peacock’s Holiday 1719 Daisy Farm 1720 Wrinkles 1721 Lancashire Lass 1722 On an Island 1723 Married in Haste 1724 Q.E.D. 1725 Withered Leaves VOLUME 116. 1726 Ruth’s Romance 1727 Old Sailors 1728 Our Bo 5 s 1729 Widow Bewitched 1730 Pampered Menials 1731 Mysteri* s of P*>ri3 1732 Lady of Lyons 1733 Memoirs of the Devil 1734. Bold Stroke tor a H' 1735 Noblise Oblige [bd 1736 A Lad from the Coimi 1737 Not False but Fickle 17^'H ififilltlttliSVi I 1739 Davenport Bros, and^ 1740 Freezing amotherinia VOLUME 117. 174_1 Is he Jealous 1742 Suspicions Husband 1743 Rinaldo Rinaldin - 1744 That Dreadful Doctor 1746 Plot for Plot 1746 OiTir. Relatives 1747 DaVid-Gairick Is 1748 Engaged ‘ . - 1749 My Awful Dad 1750 On Bail 1751 Richelieu 1752 Tom Cobb 1753 Cousin Peter 1754 Bow Bells 1755 Married for Money VOLUME 118 1756 Man about Town 1757 Funnibone’s Fix 1768 Patter v. Clatter 1759 Dan’l Druce 1760 For Her Chil ”^ Si.ke 1761 Point of HoLOur 1762 Unequal Match Is. 1763 Childhood’s Dreams 1764 Lost Diamonds 17’ 5 Broken Hcaits I7t6 Wild Flowers [1 1767 Match for a Mothor- T rn^TUMES — Dramatic and Briton to the present day. — Ooutt JouinaL