A SINNERS SENTENCE
 
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 London : CHATTO & WINDUS, 214, Piccadilly, W.
 
 A SINNER'S SENTENCE 
 
 ALFRED LARDER 
 
 IN THREE VOLUMES 
 VOL. I. 
 
 ILonHon 
 
 CHATTO & WINDUS, PICCADILLY 
 
 1891
 
 A SINNER'S SENTENCE 
 
 CHAPTER I. 
 
 I am in love again ! — for the #th time. #, 
 
 ladies, in algebra means an unknown quantity, 
 
 and so it does here, for my little affaires have 
 
 j& been countless since I was very small and very 
 
 J much petted ; and I liked it too, and I used to 
 
 £y think of the warm kisses for days after in quite 
 
 J/ /a Don Juanic manner. Of course I made 
 
 6 
 
 <£, proposals to two or three of the prettiest 
 
 ^housemaids ; and, mon Dim ! — to use her own 
 
 •r 
 
 i favourite expression — when we had a French 
 
 V governess, fine but fat and dirty, with a 
 
 9 queenly presence and a coronal of yellow hair, 
 
 & VOL. I. 1
 
 2 A SINNER'S SENTENCE 
 
 my heart was irretrievably lost. She called 
 me a pretty boy, and my wicked young pulses 
 used to thrill when she patronizingly put her 
 hand on my upturned brow and gave me a 
 kiss. 
 
 When a circus came with its overdressed 
 tawdry lady riders, I would have bartered all 
 my worldly possessions for a caress from their 
 lips ; nay, I used to fall asleep dreaming of 
 sometimes belonging to a houri like one of 
 these. My girl-cousins were all fond of me, 
 but there is an insipid, matter-of-course flavour 
 about cousinly love-making. 
 
 Since then I have been in a chronic state of 
 love with first one and then another, and to 
 recount all my adventures in puris naturalibus 
 would, I verily believe, put the ' Decameron ' 
 decidedly in the shade. 
 
 I have always found it so easy — so much 
 easier, I should have said — to get on with 
 women when you make love to them. The
 
 A SINNER'S SENTENCE 3 
 
 most exaggerated respect, with yet a soupcon 
 of tender empressement in your manner, will 
 eventually subdue the most flinty- hearted old 
 blue-stocking. Love, real or assumed, seems 
 to flatter all women in their most susceptible 
 spot. Even the engaged Angelina, to whom 
 Edwin is all in all, is not averse to letting 
 him see that other people like her besides him- 
 self, and therefore he must infer he is gaining 
 a pearl beyond price. 
 
 It is wonderful how woman- worship, judi- 
 ciously applied, will help you on in the world. 
 Someone has said that every woman is a rake 
 at heart, and upon my word there is ground 
 for the saying. Even staid matrons, from 
 whom any thought of actual sin is as far 
 removed as the equator from the poles, are not 
 averse to a little secret understanding, half- 
 whispered confidences, and gentle pressures of 
 the hand. It gives a zest to the dull religious 
 round of life, this shadow of naughtiness. As 
 
 1—2
 
 4 A SINNER'S SENTENCE 
 
 for the withered, painted, powdered decolletee 
 hags who have been so much en evidence, 
 mainly from little anecdotes and on dits which 
 it is the grossest flattery to call piquant, when 
 filthy would be so much nearer the mark, give 
 me none of them. I cannot understand why 
 men, when they want to tell and hear stories 
 too racy for general publication, should enjoy 
 them from the lips of some ancient scarecrow 
 who is lost to all sense of self-respect and 
 decency, and who, judging from the liberal 
 display of her charms (?), would exhibit her- 
 self as Lady Godiva, had she but the chance, 
 simply to lure on the knob -sucking, inverte- 
 brate, high-collared brigade of idiots yclept 
 mashers. Go amongst your fellows, I say, 
 laugh honestly, if you have a liking for the 
 Rabelaisian of song and story. Picture your 
 own mother talking in pronounced doubles 
 cntendres, and laughing shrilly at language or 
 sentiment men ought to blush to use to the
 
 A SINNER'S SENTENCE 5 
 
 other sex, and then tell me if that does not 
 make your badinage less tasty. 
 
 In my salad days, though, I must own to 
 rather more than a sneaking kindness for 
 older women, well developed, and with enough 
 knowledge of the world and conversational 
 powers to put any gawky hobbledehoy at his 
 ease. Then they kiss you with so little 
 arriere pensee — you are only a boy — whereas, 
 later in life, how you appreciate the coy 
 blushes of maidenhood, and the caresses that 
 have almost to be ravished from the hesitating, 
 timid divinity ! It is interesting to note how 
 the green youth always affects women over 
 thirty or so, and as he grows older and de- 
 velops, say, into the Eegent Street roue, he 
 prefers female society as young as can be got. 
 This is moralizing, but when Lothario sets to 
 work to preach on feminine frailty, or the 
 devil discourses upon sin, you will admit at 
 least that he knows what he is talking
 
 6 A SINNER'S SENTENCE 
 
 about, and that is more than can be said of all 
 our callow curates, too often the fools of the 
 family, and therefore considered fit for nothing 
 but that rubbish heap, the Church. 
 
 A man I know — a writer, a novelist, and 
 an authority on evolution — always tells me 
 whenever I meet him that the story of every- 
 one's life is interesting. That is a fact that 
 remains to be proved, and I notice he never 
 tries the experiment in corpore vili. I began 
 once. I knew and loved — horresco referens — 
 a barmaid. With all my susceptibility, I 
 really had to decline entertaining the ideas of 
 matrimony that were floating through her 
 pretty little close-cropped and curled head. 
 She was unreasonable enough to decline meet- 
 ing me after this, and I was considerably epris, 
 and therefore felt it a good deal. So, inter alia 
 — the alia including a liberal allowance of 
 Martinez port at Short's and the hired smiles 
 of a siren from the depths of the Aquarium —
 
 A SINNER'S SENTENCE 7 
 
 I commenced a history of my life. I kept at 
 it for two days, until my wounded heart 
 was cicatrized, and then incontinently gave 
 it up. 
 
 The particular tryst my Hebe refused to 
 keep was on a Saturday, and somehow or 
 other, whenever fortune has been unkind to 
 you and you especially need the rough but 
 genuine sympathy of the male sex, all your 
 friends happen to be out of town, leaving you 
 the society of bores, or those men whose 
 evenings are passed between the Gaiety bar 
 and Darmstaetter's, with peradventure an 
 expedition to the Cafe de 1' Europe or the 
 Criterion. Don't go to another woman for 
 sympathy in your love troubles ; it is a bad 
 compliment, and is sure to be resented sooner 
 or later. Feeling something like ' Frank 
 Fairlegh,' a gentle melancholy too sacred to 
 be chaffed about, and too deep to be drowned 
 in green Chartreuse, and depressed to a
 
 8 A SINNER'S SENTENCE 
 
 terrible extent by that awful institution, our 
 metropolitan Sabbath, which had more terrors 
 than usual after my coup de grace, as I lacked 
 energy enough to run down even to Kew or 
 Richmond, let alone higher up the river, I 
 might be excused for giving way to the 
 cacoethes scribendi and pouring out my woes 
 on several sheets of Piries' best repp paper, 
 which were the first thing handy, and which 
 have long since been consigned to the flames. 
 I cannot plead that now, except, as I said 
 at first, I am in love again. 
 
 To prevent any misconception, I may as 
 well say at once I am not a blue-blooded aris- 
 tocrat — far from it. My ancestors did not 
 come over with the Conqueror, or, if they did , 
 they forgot to hand the knowledge down to 
 their descendants. Extremes meet, and possibly 
 if I had been a rag-merchant, or a day-labourer, 
 and had made a fortune, I might suddenly dis- 
 cover the long-hidden fact — and the Heralds'
 
 A SINNER'S SENTENCE 9 
 
 College seems wonderfully complaisant where 
 fees are concerned. Still, I was not born in a 
 workhouse, and one of my ' forbears ' — his por- 
 trait faces me — was leech, or chirurgeon, or 
 quack doctor, in the time of Elizabeth. As 
 far as things went, I believe he was one of the 
 Savile Row or Harley Street practitioners of 
 the period, but the medicos of that time either 
 did not amass colossal fortunes, or else the 
 course of time, cards, dice, and the fatal three 
 — wine, women and tobacco — melted my an- 
 cestor's fees considerably. South Sea Bubble?, 
 perhaps, could answer for some of them. 
 
 Just now I am bewailing the mournful 
 result of a little operation in Grand Trunks, 
 which my soi-disant infallible friend, Do- 
 veraigh, of Lombard Street, had adjured me 
 to enter upon as ' a dead snip, my boy ' ; for 
 he is also a racing man, and his language is of 
 the Turf turfy. How easy it is to be led astray, 
 and, in some cases, how expensive ! That
 
 'o A SINNER'S SENTENCE 
 
 £50, that following his advice has cost me, 
 would have financed a little run over to Paris. 
 Perhaps it's as well, though : but could the 
 Aspasias and Phrynes of gay Lutetia know 
 what they have lost, they might gnash their 
 teeth — unless Mr. Syndicate, into whose 
 pocket mine and countless other people's 
 money has gone, should betake himself over 
 there and gallop through the proceeds of his 
 astuteness more quickly than I should have 
 done. 
 
 But this is digression. If I am to inflict 
 this story upon the 4 gentle reader,' and the 
 girls who will read novels in spite of parental 
 prohibition — that class of women to whom a 
 writer of the introduction to one of Zola's 
 works says that half of life is a sealed book 
 (but if, indeed, it is, they show an insatiable 
 thirst to unclose that half), I ought not to make 
 my debut under false pretences, but tell as 
 much as I can of myself and my pedigree.
 
 A SINNER'S SENTENCE 11 
 
 To be brief, this iEsculapius of our family 
 history is little more than a tradition, relying 
 mainly for belief on a shield, on which is 
 depicted a hand, and what is supposed to be a 
 lancet, and the motto ' Inter utrumque vola.' 
 
 My father is dead. As I remember him, he 
 was old-fashioned and rather stately in his ideas 
 — given to be Puritanical, and I fancy there 
 must have been an intermarriage with the 
 cropheaded Cromwellites. He always pointed 
 out to me that I was not obliged to work for 
 my living : or, as he put it, ' there is no occa- 
 sion for you to descend to the tricks and 
 chicanery of tradesmen and many professional 
 men. 5 This is the kind of thing one's mind is 
 very quick to absorb and act upon. 
 
 He professed Socialistic doctrines, inasmuch 
 as all men ought to be equal, provided they 
 lived and acted honourably; but he by no 
 means practised them, for, as he used to 
 lament with a sigh, practical socialism is im-
 
 12 A SINNER'S SENTENCE 
 
 possible outside Utopia. He was at issue with 
 poets and thinkers on this question, and I 
 remember well a favourite text of his for 
 denunciation was Tennyson's hackneyed quo- 
 tation, ' Kind hearts are more than coronets,' 
 etc. 
 
 ' Now, my boy.' my father would say, ' in 
 theory, in melodiously flowing verse, the idea 
 is beautiful ; but reduce it to the level of 
 everyday experience and common-sense, and it 
 is the most unmitigated rubbish. Where on 
 earth, except perhaps on a desert island, are 
 good qualities equal, let alone being superior, 
 to wealth and position ? Of course, if you 
 could get society at large to acknowledge the 
 fact, all well and good, but as things are con- 
 tituted in this world opulent vice takes the pas 
 of virtue and rags, and, as far as I can see, 
 always will. Not that I am anxious to 
 counsel you to make friends with the " mam- 
 mon of unrighteousness," but it needs either
 
 A SIN NEWS SENTENCE 13 
 
 great talent or immense wealth to make a suc- 
 cessful reformer. So, as you have neither of 
 these attributes to any conspicuous extent, act 
 on the family motto, and be content with 
 mediocrity. Rise above it if you can honour- 
 ably, but have a care lest, like Icarus, you fly 
 too high, the wax of your wings melt, and so 
 you end with a catastrophe in which the last 
 state is decidedly worse than the first.' 
 
 This advice I thought good, but with per- 
 petual reiteration it became wearisome, and I 
 was not sorry to leave home for Oxford, where 
 in due course I took my degree, without any 
 particular credit to myself or my college. The 
 governor was inclined to wax rusty thereat, 
 but, always consistent, he had to give in when 
 I quoted back at him, nearly verbatim, his 
 own words. 
 
 Fate had fixed him and my mother in a 
 small country town, Slowford, in and around 
 which most of his property was situated.
 
 14 A SINNER'S SENTENCE 
 
 Many were the musty old deeds, referring to 
 his possessions, he had in a capacious safe, and 
 one day when he had incautiously left some of 
 them about, a new servant annexed several of 
 the parchments to cover jam-pots with, and 
 ' the aforesaid messuasre or tenement,' and 
 ' whereas the said,' and ' the property hereby 
 demised,' were removed to the store-closet. 
 Poor man, this laches upset him for a week. 
 
 He was kind and good. He had his faults, 
 but who hasn't ? and cle mortuis nil nisi bonum. 
 Strait-laced as he was, we seemed imperceptibly 
 to drift further apart ; for our ideas were so 
 different that there was much less friction 
 when we were separated, so I lived in London 
 on a moderate allowance, eked out by my pen. 
 No one, however, was more pleased to see me 
 than my father whenever I visited the paternal 
 roof, and it was his delight to chop logic with 
 me by the hour together, and discuss the 
 latest in the scientific and literary world, for
 
 A SINNER'S SENTENCE 15 
 
 he always kept himself au courant with the 
 march of events. 
 
 When he died I naturally assumed the 
 reins, and had all the satisfaction to be 
 derived from obsequious tenants and my 
 own increased importance in Slowford ; for 
 at the best the chamber-sheltered bachelor in 
 town, however much ' side ' and style he may 
 assume, is but a vagabond and a dweller in 
 tents compared with even the small landed 
 proprietor in the country. My father had 
 had some objections to my reading for the 
 Bar, but gave way, and I had been duly 
 enrolled in the ranks of the great unem- 
 ployed ; so having little to keep me in 
 London at his death, I fell naturally into 
 the grand seigneurship, and listened judicially 
 to Hodge's request for a new roof, or Stubb's 
 lament that his fence was so out of repair 
 that his neighbour's beasts had made havoc 
 wi' his grass.
 
 16 A SINNER'S SENTENCE 
 
 I was very popular, for I infused more 
 modern ideas into the management of the 
 property than my father, with his old- 
 fashioned stick -in -one-groove ways ; but 
 many was the long wandering tribute to his 
 virtues I had to listen to patiently, and not 
 without a suspicion of their disinterestedness. 
 But the country grew irksome, the women 
 were shy, or I, with my town-bred ideas, was 
 not en rapport with them, and the only dissi- 
 pation was to sit up to abnormal hours play- 
 ing cards and drinking indifferent whisky, 
 while I found the generality of the country 
 people were essentially of one idea or one 
 hobby, which they rode to death. 
 
 I yearned for the Strand — the vivacity, the 
 Han of the Londoners ; for, decry them as 
 you will, they are a great deal easier to get 
 on with than country people. You may say 
 they are artificial, that their friendship is on 
 the surface. Possibly ; but in the North
 
 A SINNER'S SENTENCE 17 
 
 the natives are habitually rude to you until 
 they test your calibre, and even then I am 
 always possessed of an idea that they are 
 trying to get the best of you. 
 
 So I returned to the Metropolis with a 
 larger allowance, partly the result of my 
 own good management of the property, and 
 here I am. I lay claim to twenty -seven years, 
 and stand about five feet nine inches in my 
 stockings ; while the only thing I pride 
 myself on are my eyes, which are nothing 
 remarkable to look at, but to le beau sexe can 
 be wonderfully expressive when I choose, and 
 can flash out oeillades that have often com- 
 pleted an only half- won conquest, and have 
 burnt their way into the citadel of some 
 women's hearts previously considered im- 
 pregnable. 
 
 I could have married well, but liberty is 
 sweet, and to be au mieux with some fair one 
 and then to leave off the liaison before it palls 
 
 vol. 1. 2
 
 1 8 A SINNER'S SENTENCE 
 
 upon you, and to have tender recollections 
 of Madame A. even while you are subju- 
 gating Mademoiselle B., are enough for any 
 reasonable-minded mortal. 
 
 ' Holloa, Clifford ! we wondered what had 
 become of you ; what in Hades are you up to 
 now V broke in on my ear, in hearty, manly 
 tones. 
 
 ' Oh, nothing,' I replied, trying to slip my 
 MS. into one of the drawers in a magis- 
 terial-looking secretaire, which ought to have 
 been covered with briefs, but wasn't. 
 
 ' Nonsense, man, no evasions ; out with it !' 
 
 ' Well, if you will know, only a little 
 calculation how many times I've repaid that 
 confounded bill I got up behind for poor 
 Vyner. Renewals and stamps together have 
 just come to £70 more tban the original £50, 
 and then old Solomon says : " Bishnesh is 
 sho bad, I am almosht ruined !"
 
 A SINNER'S SENTENCE 19 
 
 ' Credat Judceus /' retorts Cecil Meredith ; 
 * not you, this fine day ! Upon my soul it's 
 poetry ! Pass it over. You won't ? Then 
 here goes.' 
 
 There was a short sharp struggle, and I 
 laughingly resigned my MS. to the conqueror, 
 Meredith, my jidus Achates, a barrister in 
 some little practice, whose chambers were 
 below my own. 
 
 ' Why, what's this V he said, in amused 
 disgust, as he rapidly turned over the pages ; 
 c a biography 1 Is your brain softening this 
 hot day, or are you going to do Ballantine, 
 and write a book of reminiscences ? It's no 
 use, old man ; you ' — with a very unflatter- 
 ing emphasis — i will never be famous enough. 
 He had to pawn things and go through all 
 sorts of anxieties, while your principal one 
 is what you shall have for dinner.' 
 
 ' And why shouldn't I write one ? Didn't 
 that delightful divinity in " As in a Looking- 
 
 2—2
 
 20 A SINNER'S SENTENCE 
 
 Glass " keep a diary ? I'm sure, by-the-by, 
 I've met her two or three times, but she 
 wasn't quite so nice as Philips pictures her.' 
 
 ' A good thing, for she'd have turned up 
 her nose at your pretensions/ retorts Meredith ; 
 ' but, come, put this literary effort away — 
 midnight oil may lubricate the wheels of such 
 an infernal Juggernaut — and come along with 
 me. I have got a drag for the Eton and 
 Harrow match, and the other Johnnies are 
 waiting.' 
 
 ' What — no women ? I asked, half yielding. 
 
 'No, and no lunch either; it is quite im- 
 promptu. We are going to be pirates, and 
 board the other craft for provisions.' 
 
 ' Avaunt, caitiff ! I will not. Leave me in 
 peace. Bertram told me he wrote a history 
 of his own life, and it amused him intensely 
 on wet Sundays. I am going to do ditto.' 
 
 ' I suppose every man has a right to make 
 an ass of himself,' muttered Meredith sotto
 
 A SINNER'S SENTENCE 21 
 
 voce. ' So long as you don't inflict it on us, 
 it doesn't matter. But you're not going to 
 stay in this glorious day over that rubbish, 
 surely ?' 
 
 ' I swear it by the laws of the Medes and 
 Persians.' 
 
 Meredith stared at me as if in considerable 
 doubt as to my sanity, and then departed in a 
 blue fire of profanity.
 
 CHAPTER II. 
 
 But, as I said before, I am in love. I thought 
 I should desist for a time — really I did. Only 
 a fortnight since I was trying to get up a 
 tender interest in Mrs. Branscombe, for she 
 was rather starchy to get on with, and I 
 thought a little love-making would smooth 
 the way and remove the friction — for she is 
 not half bad-looking — when suddenly I dis- 
 covered, to my amazement, and, I may add, 
 horror, she was in love with me. I hate 
 esclandres, or interfering with my neighbour's 
 property, as a rule, though you might not 
 think so. It was in this wise : Branscombe 
 — and a thorough good fellow he is too —
 
 A SINNER'S SENTENCE 23 
 
 asked me to see his cava sposa down to a con- 
 founded chamber-music matinee at the Prince's 
 Hall, and a thing of all others I detest is 
 classical music pure and simple. There are 
 bits worth hearing, but you have to endure 
 with an infinite amount of patience miles of 
 dull, heavy, strained harmony, that to the 
 uncultured ear is discordant, and would do 
 better for a funeral, before you come to the 
 gems that are worth listening to. 
 
 Maybe, people I have no doubt think, I am 
 an uncultivated brute, but how is it that 
 when Lloyd or poor Maas used to give for an 
 encore ' Then you'll remember me,' or e Let 
 me like a soldier fall,' the applause was 
 simply deafening, and music -lovers, virtuosi 
 even, have I seen applauding to the echo. 
 Why do Patti and Albani, on their recall, so 
 often descend to ' I dreamt that I dwelt ' or 
 ' Home, sweet home ' ? Surely it cannot be 
 all ' playing to the gallery ' ?
 
 24 A SINNER'S SENTENCE 
 
 Well, as old Astley used to say, I must 
 ' cut the dialogue and come to the 'osses.' I 
 was coming back with Mrs. Branscombe in a 
 hansom — a reprehensible proceeding — and we 
 had had a little disagreement, and at its con- 
 clusion I laughingly offered her my hand, 
 saying she ought to forgive me and be 
 friends, when, to my surprise, she took it and 
 held it, giving it more than one unmistakable 
 squeeze. At the time I hardly noticed it. I 
 am dense sometimes, but madame arranged 
 a teAe-a-tPte a few days later. I had driven 
 with her party to Richmond, and while 
 dinner was going on she directed some glances 
 at me that I knew from past experience meant 
 a good deal, for when eyes meet there is a 
 subtle magnetism — or shall I say telepathy ? — 
 without any outward signs or motion of the 
 features. 
 
 Presently, strolling in the Park, Mrs. 
 Branscombe said to me :
 
 A SINNER'S SENTENCE 25 
 
 ' Oh, do let us turn down here to avoid 
 that frivolous lot. Somehow, their noisy 
 laughter seems out of place amongst this 
 delicious repose and beauty. Let us be in the 
 country in real earnest.' 
 
 We turned off accordingly, and, walking 
 along, I noticed a most curious constraint, 
 combined with a total absence of her ordinary 
 polite stiffness, on the part of my companion. 
 Rashly, and without thinking, I threw out a 
 soft nothing as an affectionate feeler, almost 
 as one might remark on the weather, and she 
 grasped it with avidity. What could I do 
 but follow it up with a pretty sentiment and 
 a compliment to my fair friend ! This was 
 seed on good ground with a vengeance, and 
 when a woman wants to be made love to, 
 what can you do but yield to her wishes % 
 And I fell into the trap sur le champ, and in 
 less than two minutes I was playing Lovelace 
 to the life.
 
 26 A SINNER'S SENTENCE 
 
 Mrs. Branscoinbe said in response to an 
 inquiry of mine : 
 
 ' You oughtn't to ask me if I care for you,' 
 when her very accents answered the question. 
 Things grew worse, but luckily someone in- 
 terrupted us, and only on the walk back were 
 we together alone. She had a tender tremu- 
 lousness, and altogether there was thunder in 
 the air, an implied but not expressed feeling 
 that if her husband knew T he would kill her. 
 Then I was treated to some gentle abuse 
 of Mr. Branscombe. He did not appreciate 
 her, they were not fitted for one another, and 
 if she had only known, and so on, ad 
 nauseam. 
 
 Now. what was to be done ? Was I to 
 suggest an elopement to her, a thing I would 
 not be involved in for the world? — and I by no 
 means loved her sufficiently to spoil her and 
 my own life, and risk her husband's deadly 
 enmity. I tried to temporize, and did my
 
 A SINNER'S SENTENCE 27 
 
 best ; but in vain, for although I am always 
 sure of my card for her evenings, I know full 
 well from her icily kind and studiously polite 
 treatment that she has not forgotten how she 
 betrayed herself, and, though she relies on 
 my honour, she has never forgiven me. 
 
 All this is by the way, though. It is my 
 latest amourette that threatens to prove 
 troublesome in many respects. For the last 
 twelve months I have been engaged. 
 
 It happened in this wise : When I first 
 came up to town my introductions provided 
 me with plenty of pleasant society, always 
 open to that much-sought-after individual, 
 the bachelor, even if he be to a certain extent 
 a detrimental. At Oxford I fell into the 
 common error of thinking it guided the 
 world, and that our opinions represented, if 
 they did not originate, those of London itself. 
 Perhaps I was too deeply imbued with this
 
 28 A SINNER'S SENTENCE 
 
 idea, for I found myself at first out of touch 
 with the cosmopolitan world of thought tbat 
 exists there, and, perhaps from a too sedulous 
 pursuit of sundry barmaids, I was by no means 
 at home with the more cultivated women 
 I met. However, I was always a strong 
 adherent to Danton's maxim, ' L'audace, de 
 faudace, et toujours Vaudace] and if I made 
 advances to the fair sex, it was always the 
 biggest craft I attacked first. 
 
 In our set the reigning beauty was a Miss 
 Haviland, one of those creatures ' much too 
 bright and good for human nature's daily food.' 
 She was aware of her beauty, but too high- 
 minded, shall I say? — idiotic, I thought — to 
 use it for any unworthy ends. There was no 
 suspicion of the coquette about her. She was 
 commanding, brilliant, clever, educated beyond 
 the ordinary run, religious without being a 
 prig — in a word, perfection. Wherever she 
 went she shone supreme, always the principal
 
 A SINNER'S SENTENCE 29 
 
 star amidst a galaxy of admirers, and these 
 always of the most intellectual and best sort. 
 Any other woman seemed invertebrate and 
 silly after her grand presence. 
 
 Miss Haviland was one of those women 
 whom men always praise and worship and run 
 after y but seldom marry (except for money, and 
 she was an heiress), and their end is generally 
 blue-stockingdom or philanthropy. She had 
 not a single fault, and men are prone to choose 
 an erring mortal for a life-partner. The pros- 
 pect of perfection always beside you, judging 
 your peccadilloes from her own lofty stand- 
 point, is not an alluring one. 
 
 When I first met her, I thought she pitied 
 me for my mental inferiority. That piqued 
 me, and I determined on making the haughty 
 beauty acknowledge some day that I was dear 
 to her. Progress was slow, but none the less 
 certain. I worshipped silently in great hu- 
 mility ; every little attention I could show,
 
 30 A SINNER'S SENTENCE 
 
 every little desire of hers I could anticipate, 
 was like a little step cut in the ice of an 
 enormous glacier. I was as devoted as a 
 slave, and my influence, aided by the imploring 
 glances I used to throw into her clear, radiant 
 eyes, gradually gained ground. I used to 
 think of myself as a heathen devotee wor- 
 shipping adoringly, but mutely, at his idol's 
 feet. 
 
 I kissed her hand — it was a long time before 
 I ventured on that familiarity — and the cold, 
 half-amused, queenly smile she gave showed at 
 what a lofty height above me she considered 
 herself, and would have daunted many a man 
 less keen than I was. She had, I should men- 
 tion, no near relations living, and her trustees 
 were old, severely respectable, and the last 
 people in the world to exercise any control 
 over her. 
 
 One night, on leaving the house where I 
 had first met Miss Haviland, I said good-
 
 A SINNER'S SENTENCE 31 
 
 night in a recess sheltered behind some palms. 
 She liked me, I knew, and gave me both her 
 hands at parting, telling me to be sure and 
 come on the following Sunday night. I took 
 them reverently, held them half tremblingly in 
 my own a second, and, putting all the elo- 
 quence of my nature into one look, I almost 
 imperceptibly drew her towards me. 'May I?' 
 my lips hardly uttered, and the reply was 
 speedy. Quick of perception, she came nearer 
 to me, just touched my lips in the lightest of 
 caresses, said ' Good-night,' and was gone. 
 With pulses throbbing more with elation at 
 my growing success than any deep affection, 
 I traversed a good part of Tyburnia in the 
 thinnest of shoes and evening clothes before I 
 remembered to hail a cab. 
 
 That little link, that merest trifle of under- 
 standing, cheered me on amazingly, and some 
 time afterwards I called and found Blanche 
 Haviland in tears about some serious trouble.
 
 32 A SINNER'S SENTENCE 
 
 Not very promising, one would think ; but 
 when she was alone, I promptly assumed the 
 role of Barnabas the consoler, and I have been 
 told I can do it very effectively. Sympa- 
 thizing pressures of the hand, tender, brotherly 
 words, and kindness such as the serpent 
 showed Eve; and before I left I had actually 
 had that imperial head reposing on my breast 
 for one brief instant, until the thought strur-k 
 her that it was not proper. 
 
 My suit prospered by leaps and bounds 
 after this. It was not long before Miss Havi- 
 land, held closely in my arms, confessed that 
 she loved me, and when she said a thing she 
 meant it. Marriage was by no means a part 
 of my programme, and providentially my 
 income at that time rendered it out of the 
 question ; so she vowed tearfully she would 
 wait — for my stately divinity could weep a 
 few tears when moved by the tender passion — 
 and I, with protestations that were far too
 
 A SINNER'S SENTENCE 33 
 
 eager to be genuine, declared my intention of 
 endeavouring to get into practice at once. My 
 first step towards such a proceeding was to 
 have a 'punch,' as the French say, and enliven 
 myself with the company of some of the 
 choicest spirits I knew ; for now the crowning- 
 point of my triumph had come, I felt no 
 exultation whatever, but rather an uncomfort- 
 able sense of insincerity and having behaved 
 badly, for I did not really want to marry 
 Blanche. 
 
 Still, she was a splendid match, pecuniarily 
 speaking, and I philosophically reflected I 
 should have to conjugate se ranger some time, 
 and matrimony did not seem to be wanting in 
 pleasures of a masculine sort, judging from 
 certain Benedicks of my acquaintance, who 
 played higher, drank harder, and flirted more 
 assiduously than many of the single ones. A 
 cabman told me once that the last omnibus 
 from Piccadilly westward at night was called 
 
 vol. 1. 3
 
 34 A SINNER'S SENTENCE 
 
 the ' husbands' bus,' so apparently the ten- 
 dency of matrimonial fetters to be irksome is 
 not confined to any one class. 
 
 However, I began to enjoy the attachment, 
 slight as my affection was. I was always sure 
 of a tender welcome from Blanche Haviland 
 whenever I sought it. She was older than 
 myself, and, being strong-willed, had a stan- 
 dard of right and wrong of her own, and 
 when it was that versus propriety, propriety 
 went to the wall. Briefs did not come in, for 
 I never troubled myself about them, and some- 
 times I found it an awful relief to get away 
 from Blanche's overwhelming perfection and 
 find some less precise companionship. 
 
 Our intimacy drifted steadily along until 
 the death of my father, which, while it com- 
 pelled me to make definite proposals to 
 Blanche, also gave me a respite for a time 
 for which I was not a little thankful. Still, 
 I am engaged now in real earnest, and I
 
 A SINNER'S SENTENCE 35 
 
 can no longer pursue my old pastime — at 
 least, with Blanche near. We are asked 
 out together, and my beloved tells me how 
 her friends remark what a capital pair we 
 make. This state of things has considerable 
 disadvantages as well as advantages, the 
 latter consisting mainly of tete-a-tetes of in- 
 ordinate length and loving liberties, which, 
 once taken, become your right, and conse- 
 quently lose all piquancy. It is hard to be 
 tied down; and when you do attempt to get 
 up little love-passages with other women, for 
 them to smile at you as if you were making a 
 feeble joke is, to say the least of it, decidedly 
 annoying. 
 
 Ah ! if my betrothed could see how joyfully 
 I sometimes leave her stiff and proper society r 
 and betake myself to that of two sirens 
 whose rendezvous is the Alhambra, and 
 whose tastes in beverages are catholic, 
 ranging as they do from bottled beer to 
 
 3—2
 
 36 A SINNER'S SENTENCE 
 
 brut imperial, she would rather alter her 
 opinions about my unworthy self. Blanche 
 thinks I am good. It is not my fault. I 
 try to undeceive her, and make out that I am 
 a sinner of the deepest dye ; but she generally 
 dismisses the subject with a lofty smile, as if 
 to intimate that, when we are married, I 
 shall be so occupied in contemplating and 
 reverencing her virtues, that I shall be 
 permeated by them, and become a model of 
 goodness. I rather doubt it myself. 
 
 However, with some very warm friendships 
 en passant, of which, of course, Blanche knows 
 nothing, to lighten the solemnity of my 
 engagement, I got on very well until just 
 now. I have got a bad attack this time. 
 That malicious young imp, Cupid, has barbed 
 his arrow, and summon all my philosophy, 
 and use the mental chloroform, alcohol, as 
 I will, I can neither wrench out the dart nor 
 deaden the pain.
 
 A SINNER'S SENTENCE 37 
 
 It came about like this : I have a friend, 
 Vaughan, whose house is a great resort, it is 
 such a charmingly unaffected place. He is a 
 literary man, whose hospitality and geniality 
 are overpowering, and are well seconded by 
 his well - read but amiable wife. He is 
 a thoroughly good fellow, rather given to 
 rhapsodizing, in which, however, he is grace- 
 fully checked by her. His house is always 
 open. I have seen people in his absence 
 sitting in his chair, using his pet pipe, and 
 pencilling brainless criticisms on his writings, 
 they felt so thoroughly at home. Familiar 
 with pictures, a devotee to pre-Raffaelitism, 
 au courant with the latest book, the newest 
 play, the raciest on dit of the clubs, every 
 subject turned up for discussion at the sort 
 of informal reception he held almost nightly. 
 Here you might meet a young unappreciated 
 painter who had genius, an occasional novelist, 
 a verse-maker, a journalist, an actor or two
 
 38 A SINNER'S SENTENCE 
 
 — all those people whose conversation is as 
 the very salt of the earth, so well does it 
 brighten and flavour life. 
 
 Needless to say that I, amongst many 
 others, frequented these hospitable quarters. 
 I was rather one of the elect, and, as a con- 
 sequence, if the Vaughans had an invitation 
 to see a new picture, or first night seats that 
 they could share, I was generally asked to 
 accompany them. One morning at breakfast 
 I was looking through a wearisome pile of 
 letters that seemed to smell of. new cloth, 
 stables, and cigars, and whose contents by 
 no means belied the origin I fancied — duns. 
 I came across a more friendly-looking one, 
 addressed in my friend's characteristic scrawl- 
 in o* hand. I welcomed it like an oasis in the 
 desert, and read as follows : 
 
 1 My dear Clifford, 
 
 ' Peyton has sent me four dress-circles 
 for the Lyceum to-morrow night. My wife,
 
 A SINNER'S SENTENCE 39 
 
 Miss Marchmont, from Yorkshire, and my- 
 self are going, and, if you have nothing 
 better to do, will you join us ? If you can't, 
 wire, and I'll ask Anderson. With kindest 
 regards from Bertha, 
 
 ' Thine as usual, 
 
 ' h. v; 
 
 Nothing very romantic about that, was 
 there ? and yet from it date all my troubles. 
 I had made a half-promise to go to a card- 
 party, but threw it over, and sent word to 
 say I would go with the Vaughans. That 
 night beheld me in correct war-paint at 
 their house, and I was introduced to Vera 
 Marchmont, a distant and poor relation of 
 Mrs. Vaughan's. To say I fell in love at 
 first sight would be by no means correct. 
 She was no beauty. Rather short, with a 
 pleasant oval face, too pale to be pretty, and 
 yet with an attractive expression somewhat
 
 4 o A SINNER'S SENTENCE 
 
 bewildering in its capriciousness ; a nose 
 decidedly retrousse; small deeply- set dark 
 eyes, twinkling in mischief behind superb 
 lashes, and crowned with massy coils of dark 
 hair — such was my summary of her appear- 
 ance, and she was, poor little thing ! only 
 a governess, and as such thoroughly enjoying 
 her unwonted freedom. 
 
 Frank and unaffected, neither constrained 
 nor blasee, Vera watched the performance with 
 childlike delight, and a naive freshness quite 
 strange alter the superior nil admirari style 
 of my beloved. 
 
 Still, with all her girlishness, she had plenty 
 of common- sense, and would criticise and 
 make caustic little worldly-wise remarks 
 and jokes, that showed a wisdom beyond 
 her years — she was only twenty-one and 
 an orphan — a wisdom born of poverty and 
 the keen: struggles with the buffeting of 
 adverse fortune that sharpen the wits, and
 
 A SINNER'S SENTENCE 41 
 
 often make a cleverer man of an errand-boy 
 than so many born in the purple. 
 
 Yera was just the sort of girl, in fact, whose 
 conquest is most difficult, for all her life she 
 had had to keep so keen an eye on the main 
 chance that the little frivolities and nuances of 
 love-making had been unknown to her ; and 
 <^she would be likely to sum up a possible 
 husband's qualifications for that post as relent- 
 lessly as any chaperone. 
 
 Nevertheless, I went home that night with 
 a feeling of curious attraction towards her. It 
 Avas not exactly love ; it was the novelty, the 
 change after Blanche Haviland. The latter, 
 from a mere sensual point of view, was far the 
 finer specimen of humanity, and I condemned 
 my bad taste for sparing a thought from such 
 a superb creature to bestow it on such a little 
 pale-faced, snub-nosed chit as Yera March- 
 mont ; and yet her odd winning ways had a 
 wonderful fascination that it was hard to resist.
 
 42 A SINNER'S SENTENCE 
 
 I sat long that night, and drank more Glen 
 Headache than was good for me, telling myself 
 how absurd I was to let my thoughts dwell on 
 her, or my affections waver for a moment. 
 
 I saw Vera again and again — she was 
 making a long visit — and I succumbed to the 
 almost inexplicable charm she had for me, and 
 which I can only imagine to have lain in the fact 
 that she was the exact opposite in every respect 
 to my betrothed. Where Blanche was tall and 
 statuesque, Vera was short and devoid of the 
 former's touch-me-not sort of dignity ; where 
 beauty and Grecian regularity of features 
 reigned in the one, the other was insignificant 
 and almost plain ; and what in one were 
 measured, high-bred tones, in the other were 
 odd little half-laughing, half-malicious utter- 
 ances, just tinged with a Yorkshire accent. 
 
 How shall I write it — I, whom honour, 
 policy, and every incentive but love have 
 bound ? and yet I feel how poor the milk-and-
 
 A SINNER'S SENTENCE 43 
 
 watery affection I have for Blanche is beside 
 the rapture I experience when Vera is near 
 me, how utterly trifling all other consider- 
 ations seem compared to the one that I love 
 her. 
 
 As I write the words, I confess myself a 
 scoundrel — nothing is too strong to describe 
 how dishonourable I feel ; and yet this is a 
 history of what is, not of what ought to be. 
 Blanche's affections have nothing of the butter- 
 fly about them, and I shall perhaps break her 
 heart. What am I to do ? I have equivo- 
 cated with myself; I have put off the evil clay 
 of consideration as long as I can ; but circum- 
 stances have decided for me, and now I realize 
 how I would far rather spend my life with 
 Vera in the mines of Siberia than in a house- 
 boat and perpetual fine weather with Blanche, 
 which, barring Blanche, is my ideal of felicity. 
 Blanche and unvarying cold j^erfection versus 
 warm-hearted, lovable little Vera ! Who
 
 44 A SINNER'S SENTENCE 
 
 would sit for ever and watch the placid, though 
 it may be dignified, course of the peaceful mill- 
 stream, perfect as it is in tranquil sylvan 
 beauty ? Give me rather the ocean — now 
 smiling, now frowning ; calm to-day, and 
 lashed into a tempest of fury to-morrow — 
 with all its intervening moods and shades of 
 light and life and colour. 
 
 Vera soon began to look for my coming. 
 We have been out together three times with 
 the Yaughans, and I am fool enough to reflect 
 on these times as glimpses of happiness. 
 Nothing had passed between us except con- 
 ventional hand-shakes, but sympathy and love 
 can be transmitted by these. One evening, 
 returning from the Crystal Palace, our party 
 got separated, and Vera and I for several 
 blessed heavenly moments were alone in a 
 compartment. Was it wrong of me to take 
 that little white hand — it was a shapely one — 
 in my own ?
 
 A SINNER'S SENTENCE 45 
 
 Others might have been bolder, but I have 
 always held that unprotected and defenceless 
 womanhood is to be treated with as much 
 respect as haughtier beauties environed by 
 chaperones and big brothers of pugnacious 
 dispositions. A quixotic idea perhaps, but it 
 seems only fair to give the maiden all forlorn 
 a chance for herself. 
 
 So with a tender diffidence I caressed that 
 little hand, and the owner seemed by no means 
 averse to the proceeding, although she assumed 
 a half- smiling air, as if she and love-making 
 were quite incompatible. That she thought of 
 nothing serious was obvious, for she did not 
 attempt to draw it away, and was evidently 
 not self-conscious. 
 
 That night Mrs. Vaughan, with feminine 
 perception, took occasion to speak to me on the 
 subject. 
 
 ; Promise me,' she said, ' to leave Vera 
 alone — you know what I mean. She is only
 
 4 6 A SINNER'S SENTENCE 
 
 young, and has no one to look after her. You 
 must not trifle with her peace of mind, 
 especially as you are engaged to Miss 
 Haviland.' 
 
 Mindful of the fascination Vera had for me, 
 T replied laughingly and evasively : 
 
 ' Oh, Bertha, Miss Marchmont knows quite 
 well how to take care of herself, I am sure ; 
 and I think you have given me such a shocking 
 reputation as un homme galant that you need 
 have no fear. Besides that, trust Blanche to 
 look after me.' 
 
 Ju<t then, to my relief, someone came and 
 interrupted an interview that bothered me 
 more than I liked to confess to myself after- 
 wards. 
 
 But our understanding was advancing as 
 the clays went on. Gentle but unmistakable 
 pressures of the hand on alighting from a train 
 or parting at night, and expressive looks — 
 those most eloquent phrases of love's language
 
 A SINNER'S SENTENCE 47 
 
 — were expanding Vera's slight capacity for 
 yielding to the tender passion. 
 
 One night, after I had not seen her for a 
 week, I detected just the faintest responsive 
 squeeze when our hands touched ; and once, 
 when our eyes met, I saw the love-light in 
 hers for one flash, before her eyelids drooped 
 suddenly and she became silent and em- 
 barrassed. I said nothing, as a tete-a-tete 
 was always out of the question, thanks to Mre. 
 Vaughan's vigilance, but I determined to risk 
 a good deal. 
 
 I learnt the Vaughans had no engagement 
 the next afternoon, and presently getting Vera 
 to myself for a moment, I asked her to meet 
 me at Notting Hill Gate Station. I spoke 
 calmly enough, though my pulses were throb- 
 bing with excitement— to me it was momen- 
 tous. If she came as I asked, clandestinel}-, 
 and knowing of my engagement to Blanche, 
 she cared enough for me to hazard something,
 
 48 A SINNER'S SENTENCE 
 
 and it would establish a slight connection that 
 might be deepened into something warmer. 
 
 Vera listened with downcast eyes, and my 
 whole soul was in mine as they met hers, when 
 she looked up at me with a conscious glance, 
 and then turned them away as she replied : 
 
 1 Oh, I daren't do such a thing. I couldn't 
 get away. Mrs. Vaughan would want to know 
 where I was going.' 
 
 I suppressed a strong desire to say, ' Then, 
 darling, you would come if you could,' and it 
 was well I did so, for someone had come up 
 unobserved behind us. When I perceived it, 
 I gave her one more tender, eloquent, pleading 
 look that meant unutterable things ; and then, 
 to throw off the scent that inevitable some- 
 body, who is always de trop at the critical 
 moment, like the Derby dog, I said gaily : 
 
 * Oh yes, you must — you really ought to. 
 It will do those poor heathen so much good.' 
 
 For I just recollected a meeting that was to
 
 A SINNER'S SENTENCE 49 
 
 be held, in a day or two, to provide the Fijians 
 with Bibles or bear's-grease, or something else 
 equally useful. 
 
 Of course, when I left several others must 
 do the same, and an opportunity of getting a 
 definite answer from Vera was denied me, 
 although I just had an instant's time to beg 
 her earnestly to come as I had asked. 
 
 That night and yesterday morning — for 1 
 was too restless to sleep as usual — I was 
 devoured with anxiety. Painfully absurd of 
 me, but I could not help it. Will she come ? 
 I asked myself a hundred times. . 
 
 Behold me at the rendezvous at the ap- 
 pointed time, dressed carefully with an affecta- 
 tion of carelessness. Ars est celare artem, you 
 know. 
 
 I waited and waited, hoping against hope, 
 until a crushing sense of failure sent me away. 
 It was humiliating. I, who as a rule only had 
 to throw my handkerchief, to ask a favour — a 
 
 vol. 1. 4
 
 5 o A SINNER'S SENTENCE 
 
 mere assignation — and be refused. I never 
 realized before how much I loved Vera, how 
 much she was to me. 
 
 I went home with a dead sense of despair 
 that seemed to have taken all the rose-colour : 
 the zest out of my life. A friend drops in. 
 He notices my abstraction, and I have to smile 
 and even join in the laugh against myself — 
 bitter mockery as it is — and sear my own 
 wounds as it w T ere. 
 
 So passes the evening, and in desperation I 
 drink deeply to drown my sorrows ; but the 
 rosy god smiles not on my libations, and I 
 only grow more solemn with each glass. Bed 
 at last, and, thank heaven, I do sleep at last 
 until the morning comes. Crowds of unplea- 
 sant recollections come upon me, mingled 
 with very strong opinions on the deleterious 
 effects of fusel oil. What to do with my- 
 self I don't know, so faute de mieuae, T sit 
 down and write this account of my sorrows,
 
 A SINNER'S SENTENCE 51 
 
 with the assistance of a big brandy and 
 soda. 
 
 Meredith, my disturber, has been and gone. 
 I will not leave my cell except for soft, tender, 
 womanly companionship and compassion. I 
 would as soon go to a statue for comfort as to 
 Blanche. By-the-bye, I have to take her to 
 the Vaughans to-night — and I wish to good- 
 ness I hadn't. My head is hot, and my hand 
 shakes even after a cold bath : and Blanche 
 has not a pitying eye for little failings like 
 these. Hang Blanche ! There, I feel better 
 after that outburst. 
 
 It is annoying to my amour propre — even if 
 my feelings were not concerned — to be slighted 
 like this by a little chit of a girl, a warm- 
 hearted one, too, whom I thought I could 
 influence by now as easily as a puppet is 
 moved by its wires. Why is it ? I am not 
 getting so old that I am losing the secret of 
 pleasing women — the talisman that was given 
 
 4—2 
 
 LIBRARY
 
 52 A SINNER'S SENTENCE 
 
 me at my birth. Nous verrons, but, happy 
 thought ! perhaps la petite Vera is repenting 
 now. After such an exhibition of virtue as 
 not to come at my request, there must be a 
 reaction, and she may be even now sitting in 
 sackcloth and ashes, pining to see me as much 
 as I have done to see her. 
 
 I will go to see the Vaughans (I mean 
 Vera) again. I will assume indifference and 
 punish her, for the feminine mind is often 
 obstinate and cross-grained. Pull it one way 
 and it will pull hard the other. If I appear 
 not to care for her, she may be at my feet 
 directly. 
 
 I remember the little Lysaght, as we used 
 to call her. She and I used to quarrel and 
 abuse one another in fun, and at last it seemed 
 to grow into earnest, and I really thought she 
 hated me until one day, when I was saying 
 good-bye — for she was going back to India 
 with her husband — she suddenly began to cry
 
 A SINNER'S SENTENCE 53 
 
 and hang upon me very limply indeed. Now 
 I had a great respect for Jim Lysaght, and I 
 wouldn't have done anything to injure him, 
 but they were off next morning, so what did 
 it matter ? I took her in my arms and com- 
 forted her with a few kisses — rather warmer 
 than Jim would have approved of perhaps — 
 hut if soft clinging caresses come in my way, 
 am I to avoid them ? Pas si bete ! 
 
 She began piteously, ' Bertie, darling, I 
 know I shall never live long in that dreadful 
 India. If I could only be with you !' Then 
 a sob, and, as I said nothing, some more 
 broad hints for me to eventually utilize Sir 
 James Hannen's services in Lysaght v. Lysaght 
 and Clifford. 
 
 This would not do, and I had to interpose 
 that I did not know she looked on me with 
 any warmer feelings than a friend, and so on. 
 Poor Jim ! he little knew. But I did my 
 duty. I talked to her kindly but firmly, and
 
 54 A SINNER'S SENTENCE 
 
 told her what a good fellow he was, and how 
 fond he was of her, also how lots of women 
 would be only too glad to have him for a 
 lover. I named several, and I hope the 
 recording angel will let me off lightly, for 
 what I said was pure invention. This last 
 worked a cure. Her eyes flashed, and she 
 said indignantly, l Would they indeed, the 
 brazen creatures ? I'll show them my husband 
 wants no one but me.' 
 
 ' That's right, Marion,' I replied encourag- 
 ingly ; ' and now forget all you said to me, as 
 I shall.' 
 
 ' Yes, Bertie ; but I shall never forget you, 
 dear, and what you've said to me. I shall 
 always feel as if you were my brother ; and 
 come, it is good-bye now, give me another 
 kiss, and I wouldn't mind if Jim saw. There !' 
 and Mrs. Lysaght gave me a regular hug. 
 As I walked home I felt a virtuous glow all 
 over me. It is nice to be made love to, and
 
 A SINNER'S SENTENCE 55 
 
 to have an opportunity of doing good as 
 well. 
 
 1 wrenched myself out of bed next morning 
 with a violent effort, and went and saw them 
 off by the P. and 0. special from Liverpool 
 Street. She was leaning on his arm, her face 
 wreathed in smiles, and when the train started 
 she grasped my hand frankly and looked me 
 straight in the face, while Jim nearly crushed 
 my hand with the fervent pressure he gave it. 
 I wonder whether she told him anything. 
 
 Shall I go to the Vaughans' to-night ? 
 Yes, I will ; and beyond one glance of poig- 
 nant reproach, I will not wear my heart upon 
 my sleeve, I'll be hanged if I do. That little 
 snub-nosed woman shall not laugh at me. 
 And yet, Vera ! Vera darling !
 
 CHAPTER III. 
 
 The next morning. 
 
 I have been, and my plan succeeded. Vera 
 loves me, I know she does. I wonder why. 
 I often wonder why women care for me. I 
 am not bad looking, but 1 am not by any 
 means brilliant ; there are plenty of men finer, 
 handsomer, bolder, cleverer, wittier, and to 
 my eyes twice as attractive as I am, and yet, 
 though they get the admiration, I am the 
 favourite, the confidant, the chosen partner at 
 a dance when to others their card is full. 
 How is it ? I am too lazy to flatter them 
 elaborately, and often to notice what they 
 are wearing, and yet they do like to sit
 
 A SINNER'S SENTENCE 57 
 
 out and listen to soft nothings from 
 me. 
 
 I have not by any means the character of 
 a member of the Y.M.C.A., and yet the 
 dragons in charge do not mind their darlings 
 being with me. Perhaps that is because I 
 have a winning manner, and do not mind 
 wasting five minutes in pleasant talk with 
 the duenna to secure, say, fifteen with her 
 protege. 
 
 Doubtless my reputation has a good deal 
 to do with the way I am sought after. 1 
 really have earned it ;,t3n4_the little dears 
 like to come and stroke the wolf as it were, 
 and see if he really does growl, and belie his 
 outward appearance, showing his fangs be- 
 neath his society sheep-skin clothing. And 
 it looks fast, too, to be seen with me, and to 
 tell someone afterwards, ' Oh, Emily dear, I 
 was talking last night to that dreadful Mr. 
 Clifford, and he was so nice. He had such a
 
 58 A SINNER'S SENTENCE 
 
 soft look in his eyes, and I'm sure he can't be 
 half as bad as people say. I do like him so 
 much.' 
 
 And so the little moths flutter round the 
 flame nearer and nearer, and if they get singed 
 at last, how can I help it ? I always tell them 
 I am engaged to Blanche Haviland, and they 
 know it is true. They smile at my love- 
 making at first, but it is only a question of 
 time. Then, when the crisis comes, and I 
 have to remind them of my forgotten engage- 
 ment, who can say anything ? Blanche hears 
 something no\\ a } ui / 5 ain, and cuts up rough 
 after her fashion ; but I always abase myself, 
 and take my lecture meekly, and then all ends 
 as lovers' quarrels generally do, and peace 
 reigns again until the next esclandre. 
 
 Last night at Vaughan's there was a foolish 
 gushing kind of girl attached herself to me as 
 firmly as a limpet to a rock. She was making 
 me perfectly ridiculous with her attentions
 
 A SINNER'S SENTENCE 59 
 
 and loud laughing and talking, and I could 
 not shake her off, try as I would. Half the 
 room were watching us, and just as I w r as 
 about to fly in desperation, and was inventing 
 an excuse, Blanche sailed up in her most 
 queenly fashion, and said, ' Bertie, will you 
 get me a cup of tea ? Oh, I beg your pardon, 
 Miss Poppleton, I did not see you ; but you 
 know I have a claim on Mr. Clifford's services. 
 Did he not tell you ?' 
 
 Miss Poppleton was equal to the occasion, 
 and replied maliciously, ' Oh yes, and I have 
 been congratulating him, but now I think it 
 is you who ought to be congratulated.' 
 
 Well, Vera loves me, not a doubt of it. 
 Have I been too hard on her, poor girl ? — but 
 then Blanche's presence made me colder. 
 Curiously enough, Blanche never cared for the 
 Vaughans, and I fancy is jealous of Vera, but 
 considers her so insignificant that she will 
 not condescend to show it. What a stale,
 
 60 A SINNER'S SENTENCE 
 
 flat, unprofitable task it was attending on her 
 confounded stateliness, while I was longing 
 to take my Vera in my arms ! 
 
 With Blanche there, of course any satisfac- 
 tory interview with Vera was out of the ques- 
 tion, although in the one brief moment when 
 our eyes met I could read in hers that she 
 loved me, and yet dared not do as I had asked 
 her, while my expression was meant to imply 
 enough tender reproach to make her regret 
 not coming. During the evening, when we 
 came in contact, I was cool and polite, laugh- 
 ing with and at her as if she was nothing to 
 me at all. When she looked at me once 
 appealingly, I hardly had resolution enough 
 to make a joke in reply ; but Blanche's eyes 
 were upon me, and I laughed, which annoys 
 her, as she always asks why I do not laugh 
 and joke with her. Entre nous, you would as 
 soon go to a drawing-room, and make a joke 
 with her Majesty. Some day, just to horrify
 
 A SINNER'S SENTENCE 61 
 
 her, I know I shall slap her on the back and 
 say, ' How are you, Blanche, old girl?' just as 
 if she were Miss Tottie Delorme of the Nudity. 
 She will start, I shall laugh, and then she 
 will put on a pained superior look. 
 
 And this is what I shall have to live with, 
 on an average, three hundred out of the three 
 hundred and sixty-five days of every year ; 
 what 1 shall have to face at breakfast sometimes, 
 when brandy and soda and dry toast are 
 preferable to the finest Mocha and foie gras. 
 I'll be shot if I do though — I'll bribe one of 
 her servants and have it in bed. I'll take 
 good care to stipulate for a latchkey, and no 
 apparitions waiting up for me. There's Brown, 
 my doctor, a capital young fellow, and Blanche 
 likes him. I'll get him to swear late hours 
 are necessary for my constitution ; or, better 
 still, he might say I am consumptive and get 
 me off the match altogether. 
 
 Poor little Vera ! I did tease her, and I
 
 62 A SINNER'S SENTENCE 
 
 laughed and talked with a careless, indifferent 
 air whenever I had a chance, until I believe 
 she thought I had only been making fun of 
 her when I asked her to meet me. She gave 
 me a plaintive, imploring little look when we 
 said ' Good-night,' that I am very thankful 
 Blanche did not see, or there would have been 
 a mauvais quart d'heure for me on the w r ay 
 home. 
 
 Blanche was tenderer than usual with me. 
 She pressed me to come in, and made me share 
 a pint of champagne. Then she perched herself 
 on my knee, pretended to smoke, and took off 
 a lot of her dignity and stiffness. My feelings 
 can be better imagined than described. She 
 did love me. I often asked her why, and 
 pointed out my own failings with a reckless 
 frankness more often used concerning the 
 mote in a neighbour's eye than the beam in 
 one's own. To this psychological problem 
 she could give no solution, and only persisted
 
 A SINNER'S SENTENCE 63 
 
 that she did love me, which was enough and 
 more than I wanted. 
 
 At night. 
 
 My conscience reproached me about Vera, 
 and I pictured to myself her taking my conduct 
 au serieuX) and ceasing to think of me alto- 
 gether. I must see her and come to some un- 
 derstanding. I repented my cool unkindness. 
 
 This afternoon I called. The devil looks 
 after his own, they say, and Mr. and Mrs. 
 Vaughan were out. Miss Marchmont was at 
 home with a bad headache, and had not gone 
 for a drive with them. Could I see her? Yes, 
 if I would wait ; and I was shown into the draw- 
 ing-room. What was the cause of that head- 
 ache ? I wondered. Had Vera been crying for 
 me, or was it an excuse to stay at home — guess- 
 ing, with love's own intuition, that I should call ? 
 
 Presently she came into the room, looking 
 just pale enough to be interesting, and with a 
 becoming dark tint under her eyes. She
 
 64 A SINNER'S SENTENCE 
 
 sprang forward with a little coo of pleasure at 
 seeing me, and there was no mistaking her 
 feelings, for her face was lighted up with 
 gladness. 
 
 I was strongly tempted to take her in my 
 arms — I hungered for a touch of those lips, and 
 to have her clasped to my heart ; but prudence 
 restrained me, and I only kissed the hand she 
 extended to me with a deference I would not 
 have accorded to Blanche. 
 
 The little hypocrite began : 
 
 ' I am so sorry Mrs. Vaughan is not at 
 home.' 
 
 ' Oh, it is of no consequence,' I replied, 
 fighting with the passion burning within me. 
 ' I only wanted to ask if she had made up her 
 mind about going to Bentley Priory ; but 
 that can wait, and I did want to see you.' 
 
 Vera blushed with a consciousness that was 
 flattering to my self-esteem, and then recover- 
 ing herself, began an attack on me.
 
 A SINNER'S SENTENCE 65 
 
 ' Why ? Have you any message for me 
 from Miss Haviland ?' 
 
 This was a home thrust that disconcerted 
 me for a moment, but I replied coolly : 
 
 ' No, she must have forgotten to give it me, 
 if you expected one. I wanted to say,' 
 I continued, ' how sorry I was to have asked 
 you to meet me. Please forgive me, and I 
 will go away and try and forget my dis 
 appointment, as I should like you to forget 
 my offence.' 
 
 She half laughed and said : 
 
 ' It was not a very serious thing to 
 ask me, but you know I couldn't possibly 
 come, and what would Miss Haviland 
 think ?' 
 
 1 Well,' I said shortly and sorrowfully, ' 1 
 won't repeat it ; and now I have made my 
 amende, T had better go, and I will keep away 
 until you have left town, as I don't want my 
 presence to annoy you.' 
 
 vol. t. 5
 
 66 A SINNER'S SENTENCE 
 
 This was too bad of me, and Vera showed 
 strong symptoms of breaking down. 
 
 1 1 am sure I never gave you any reason to 
 think so/ she exclaimed petulantly ; ' one 
 would think it was my fault. Stay away if 
 you want to ; but don't flatter yourself it is 
 to please me.' 
 
 ' I am only making matters worse the more 
 I say, so good-bye.' Taking one unresisting 
 hand in mine, I kissed it with fervent homage, 
 and then, looking up, I said with intense 
 suppressed passion : ' Good-bye, Vera /' 
 
 Perhaps the time will come when my heart 
 will not pulsate with astounding rapidity in 
 the rapture of conquest, when I shall be cold- 
 blooded enough to account for each fraction 
 of the glad exulting moments ; but at present 
 I am not too blase to enjoy, and lose my head 
 during these precious seconds. 
 
 So I don't know exactly how it came about, 
 or who made the first move, but in less than
 
 A SINNER'S SENTENCE 67 
 
 the time it takes to write it Yera's wistful 
 little face, then miserable with disappointment, 
 but now radiant with happiness, was resting 
 on my shoulder, and my arms were closely 
 pressed around her quivering form, while tears 
 of joy were running down her cheeks. 
 
 ' Dearest,' she murmured, ' is this heaven ?' 
 
 ' No, child,' I answered ; and this simple- 
 minded question made me feel a little ashamed 
 of myself — l what makes you think so ?' 
 
 1 1 am so happy,' she answered earnestly ; 
 ' I have never been so happy as this before in 
 all my life.' 
 
 We seemed to understand one another, to 
 be all in all to one another after a long sepa- 
 ration, and for some time we gave ourselves 
 up to the rapture, the ineffable bliss of being 
 united — regardless of interruptions or servants 
 listening. But Vera, true to her non-indul- 
 gent training, was the first to break the spell 
 that bound us. 
 
 5—2
 
 68 A SINNER'S SENTENCE 
 
 Standing erect, she looked at me with 
 dilating eyes, and said slowly, ' But — you — 
 are — engaged — to Miss Haviland.' 
 
 I acknowledged it mutely, and made an 
 appealing gesture to her to come back to my 
 arms. 
 
 ' No, don't touch me, don't come near 
 me,' she exclaimed wildly; ' you belong to 
 her.' 
 
 ' Vera, darling,' I said ardently, taking her 
 to my heart again by main force, ' it is true ; 
 you knew it before, and yet you love me. 
 You cannot doubt how much I love you. 
 Only promise to be mine, and I will free 
 myself from my engagement. I am bound 
 to Blanche in honour, I know, but what is 
 that to the wreck of our two lives ? I cannot 
 give you up, dearest .; I will have you for my 
 own !' 
 
 ' No, I will not hear of it/ answered Vera, 
 tremulously but decidedly. i Supposing
 
 A SINNER'S SENTENCE 69 
 
 Blanche Haviland loves you as I do, it 
 would break her heart. If you married me 
 under such circumstances, we should never 
 be happy ; you would be for ever regretting 
 you had not married her.' 
 
 ' Vera,' I urged affectionately, ' I love you 
 too well for that ever to happen.' 
 
 Without heeding me, she continued, speak- 
 ing rapidly, with passionate energy : ' Fool 
 that I have been ! I ought to have known 
 better than to let myself think of you. And 
 yet how I loved you ! My God ! it was too 
 heavenly happiness for mortals to have long. 
 I love you so well that I cannot trust myself 
 in your dear presence. Remember, I am an 
 orphan, and almost alone in the world. I 
 have my own living to earn, and my only 
 stock-in-trade is my character and my edu- 
 cation. You are strong ; be merciful, and 
 promise me as a gentleman to go away and 
 never see me again. Let my heart wear out
 
 70 A SINNER'S SENTENCE 
 
 its misery without being tortured by the sight 
 of you, my darling/ 
 
 ' Vera,' I pleaded, ' this is madness ; listen 
 to me.' 
 
 ' No, I will not ; I have resolution now, 
 another time it may fail me. If you love me, 
 promise !' 
 
 She begged with an intense earnestness 
 that overbore all my opposition, and I had 
 no alternative but to exclaim despairingly : 
 ' I promise !' 
 
 ' Then leave me,' she rejoined in heart- 
 broken tones. f But no, stay : kiss me once 
 before you go, darling !' 
 
 Seizing her in a passionate embrace, I kissed 
 her again and again, and then I left the house 
 
 United and j^arted all in one short hour ! 
 I was never so completely routed before in my 
 life ; but Vera's pleading ad misericordiaw 
 appealed to me in a way I could not resist, 
 and, bad as I am, I could not find it in my
 
 A SINNER'S SENTENCE 71 
 
 heart to persecute that poor little girl with 
 attentions that would only end in — What ? 
 This question never struck me before. I 
 could not have married her — it would have 
 been too absurd. With Blanche it is another 
 affair. A mariage de convenance truly on my 
 side ; but who is to say that is not a satis- 
 factory arrangement ? — and respect and esteem 
 are big factors in wedded happiness, which 
 by no means always survives the fading of 
 love's young dream in the matches arranged 
 by Master Cupid. 
 
 Besides, if a man tires of the formality and 
 monotony of the marriage tie, and wishes he 
 were Turk or Mormon, are there not plenty 
 of distractions to be bought ? Verily the 
 married man is welcome in the purlieus of 
 Pimlico and the Wood. ' If he can afford a 
 wife, he has evidently plenty of money. 
 Come, let us devour him,' says the genus 
 cocotte ; and the man who grudges his wife
 
 72 A SINNER'S SENTENCE 
 
 a new bonnet, or a stall at the opera, will 
 lavish pounds on the shrill laughing, painted 
 Jezebels. The neglected wife soon learns her 
 lesson, and amuses herself after her kind, and 
 it is hard to blame her.
 
 CHAPTER IV. 
 
 Vanity of vanities, all is vanity. I often 
 think so. My life palls upon me ; I have 
 tried to thrust Vera out of my thoughts, 
 and I have succeeded, but at what a price ! 
 Her image, when I do let my thoughts rest 
 upon her, is the more vividly painful and 
 distinct after my usual abstention. If I 
 had an incentive to work, ambition to be 
 famous, or a loved one to work for, how 
 different it might be ! 
 
 Ah! That is a big sigh sandwiched be- 
 tween two puffs at my cigar, which, as usual, 
 accords with my own mood and is burning 
 vilely. My whisky and seltzer tastes flat,
 
 74 A SINNER'S SENTENCE 
 
 and I feel in a most unenviable frame of 
 mind. I have not touched this history for 
 months. 
 
 With Vera all the light went out of my life. 
 If anyone had told me I could feel so deeply, 
 I would not have believed it. Yet the traces 
 are there. I feel older, I feel wickeder. I am 
 beginning to hate Blanche Haviland ; the day 
 of my bondage is getting nearer, and I feel 
 less inclined than ever to submit to it. 
 
 Since I lost Vera I have -exhausted all the 
 pleasures and dissipations I know of. I am 
 pale, and when I see myself in the glass the 
 devil seems to be looking out of my eyes at me. 
 I have tried to forget Vera in the company of 
 venal beauty and hired caresses ; I have dwelt 
 in the tents of the demi monde, and drowned 
 my sorrows in the flowing bowl, as well as 
 lost more than I can afford at cards. A demon 
 of feverish unrest possesses me, and am I to 
 chain myself down by the leg to Blanche, to
 
 A SINNER'S SENTENCE 75 
 
 be a pensioner on her bounty, and to have 
 to endure the mill-horse life, the mathe- 
 matically precise existence that she would 
 like? Bah ! it would stifle me. I couldn't 
 be decently polite after a week of it. 
 
 I can see the honeymoon now ; the prospect 
 haunts me like a nightmare. Instead of my 
 bachelor portmanteau, we shall have six times 
 as much luggage as a commercial traveller ; 
 and if I swear at anyone, Blanche will say 
 reprovingly, ' Hush, Bertie ! I am surprised at 
 you.' 
 
 We shall go to Paris, of course, and all the 
 places where there are cathedrals and pictures, 
 and other vexations of spirit. And there is 
 no getting Blanche to shirk or pass over any- 
 thing. She will see them all, and will resent 
 missing one as if she were being defrauded of 
 her rights. A month or two will pass like 
 this on the Continent ; people will shun us 
 idiotically, thinking we are all in all to one
 
 76 A SINNER'S SENTENCE 
 
 another, while we grow more and more bored 
 each day. I shall have to be good and 
 proper ; I must behave myself then. Bright 
 eyes may smile on me, and I may not return 
 their greeting ; and I must always be tied to 
 Blanche, whose measured accents will grow to 
 grate upon my ear, and whose perpetual 
 presence will seem like that of a gaoler, while 
 at last she will discover that those faults I 
 have often confessed to so freely are a stern 
 reality, and not merely a subject for gentle 
 little lectures and persuasion. 
 
 A plague on honeymoons ! Why can't we 
 just get married quietly, and live on our or- 
 dinary life — that would be bad enough. I have 
 no practice — I did not want any — but that is no 
 obstacle ; Blanche has money enough for us 
 both. One thing I know : when we are married 
 I will use all my and her influence to get some 
 briefs ; then the plea of business will take me 
 away sometimes from the clockwork regularity
 
 A SINNER'S SENTENCE 77 
 
 of our life, for our actions will be regulated 
 by our engagement list, and our time might 
 well be measured with a metronome. 
 
 I heard from Mrs. Vaughan that Vera had 
 lost her situation as governess, and was 
 much troubled about it. It was bad enough 
 to think of her at the mercy of some vulgar 
 bourgeoise, and tormented daily by some horrid 
 children, who would wear away all her bright- 
 ness and freshness. I felt a warm sympathy 
 with Herod when I pictured her worried to 
 death by hateful little creatures, who can be 
 the biggest tyrants imaginable when they 
 choose. 
 
 Why could not I help her ? What was 
 the use of money when you could not spend 
 it as you liked ? If I had sent her some anony- 
 mously, her indomitable little spirit would not 
 have used it, and Mrs. Yaughan would have 
 smiled sardonically if I had asked her to send 
 it as coming from her. Poor little Vera !
 
 78 A SINNER'S SENTENCE 
 
 never a trouble should have rested on your 
 dear head, if I could have prevented it, and 
 yet I was powerless to help you ! I went 
 and saw Blanche, however, and tried to enlist 
 her sympathy, somewhat as follows, but I 
 had to be careful — it was treacling on dan- 
 gerous ground : 
 
 ' I cannot understand your motive, Bertie. 
 I dare say you mean well, but it is, to say 
 the least of it, very curious that you should 
 take such an interest in this Miss March - 
 mont.' 
 
 Of course, Blanche was suspicious. I ex- 
 pected that. A woman in love never imagines 
 her lover can be disinterested to other women, 
 but I tried to disarm her suspicion. 
 
 ' Oh, Blanche dear, why ?' (this very in- 
 sinuatingly. ' We saw a good deal of her at 
 the Vaughans', and it seems such a shame — 
 she was such a jolly little thing. If you saw 
 a case for pity and help in the streets you
 
 A SINNER'S SENTENCE 79 
 
 would not hesitate for a moment, and it 
 must be much more distressing to anyone 
 well brought up to be homeless and friendless. 
 I often think and reproach myself that what 
 I spend on cigars would keep Ver — Miss 
 Marchmont from want altogether.' 
 
 ' Mrs. Vaughan can help her,' Blanche said 
 coldly. 
 
 ' Yes, but you know Vaughan is one of 
 those good fellows wdio are no one's enemy 
 bat their own. He is very liberal, and lives 
 quite up to his income, and I know he has 
 been hit heavily lately in some speculation. 
 I am sure Bertha's dresses must take more 
 than her allowance, and I fancy she considers 
 Miss Marchmont an encumbrance ; it must be 
 very unpleasant to accept assistance which is 
 not freely given.' 
 
 1 1 wish you would get out of that habit of 
 using Mrs. Vaughan's Christian name,' re- 
 joined my betrothed. ' It is a familiarity I
 
 80 A SINNER'S SENTENCE 
 
 don't like, and it is not respectful either to 
 her or me.' 
 
 This looked ominous. I had put my foot 
 in it, but I tried a few honeyed endearments ; 
 I was sparing enough with them as a rule. 
 
 ' All her friends use it, but I won't if you 
 don't like me to. You know I would do 
 anything for you. And now, Blanche, 
 darling, if you love me, be generous, and 
 do something to help Miss Marchmont. It 
 isn't often I ask a favour of you, dear. I 
 was thinking of you, and how happy I felt to 
 know you were safe from harm and necessity, 
 and I did feel sorry for her.' 
 
 I kissed Blanche affectionately, and she 
 was conquered. A little love went a lono- 
 way with her, for lately I had been rather 
 cold and indifferent. She promised to interest 
 herself for Vera, and try and procure her 
 another situation. 
 
 1 And if I can't/ she added, ' I will ask her
 
 A SINNER'S SENTENCE 81 
 
 to come and stay with me, if that will please 
 you, Bertie dear.' 
 
 I had gained my point, and went away 
 quite satisfied. Thank heaven ! Vera was at 
 least provided for— a little good done, at all 
 events. 
 
 Then, as my chains seemed tightening 
 around me, and my friends chaffed me about 
 the remainder of my bachelorhood, I made 
 the most of the time so effectually that in 
 three weeks I was taken ill. I believe Dr. 
 Brown told Blanche something vague about 
 brain fever and the nervous system ; I know 
 myself it was the famous triad ' Bacco, tabacco e 
 Venerea that, like the three furies, had worked 
 their own sweet will upon me. 
 
 My mother was anxious, but too old and 
 failing to travel ; Blanche, in defiance of 
 propriety, would have brought a staff of 
 attendants, and nursed me herself; but the 
 doctor, and I shall never know how to thank 
 
 vol. i. 6
 
 82 A SINNER'S SENTENCE 
 
 him sufficiently, insisted that the sight of her 
 face might be dangerous in my excited state, 
 and prevailed on her to stay away. He had 
 an inkling of the state of affairs, for after 
 he had pulled me through, and was giving 
 me a lecture, saying if I did so again it 
 would be my funeral and not my marriage 
 I should attend, his eye presently took a 
 malicious twinkle, and he said : 
 
 ' By the way, Clifford, my boy, I didn't 
 mention it to Miss Haviland, but when you 
 were delirious, we heard a great deal about 
 a certain " Vera." She seems to have been 
 on your mind pretty considerably.' 
 
 ' Oh, yes,' I answered, trying not to show 
 confusion, for I was ill and weak, ' it was 
 a little girl in trouble whom I was very sorry 
 for, and I got Miss Haviland to interest 
 herself about her.' 
 
 ' 1 should think Miss Haviland would be 
 very much interested indeed if she knew all,'
 
 A SINNER'S SENTENCE 83 
 
 he replied significantly ; and then added : ' but 
 there, my dear fellow, don't excite yourself. 
 A medical man can keep a secret quite as well 
 as a priest.' 
 
 I had been ill, I was as nervous as a cat, 
 starting at the slightest sound, and it was 
 decided I must go on a sea voyage to the Cape. 
 Blanche was nobly self-sacrificing about it, 
 and even forbore to upbraid me for what she 
 must have known was the cause of my illness, 
 though there was a gentle, reproachful look in 
 her eyes that made me feel a scoundrel. I 
 must have every luxury and comfort, and in 
 the most delicate way she hinted that I was 
 to consider all . she had as my own, because it 
 so soon would be so. I would as soon have 
 taken Judas's thirty pieces of silver as ac- 
 cepted the slightest assistance from her. 
 
 Well, at length my passage was taken, and 
 I said an affectionate farewell to Blanche and 
 several others of my friends, who had mus- 
 
 6—2
 
 84 A SINNER'S SENTENCE 
 
 tered to the extent of nearly a dozen to see 
 me off. I believe the) 7 would have raised a 
 cheer, but the railway-station was hardly the 
 place, and Blanche's presence restrained them. 
 Poor girl ! her cold, proud face showed signs 
 of emotion, and she needed all her resolution 
 to preserve her calmness. How anyone so 
 unworthy as myself ever contrived to gain 
 her affections I cannot think. 
 
 I went on board, and made myself com- 
 fortable, and eventually we set sail. There is 
 a glorious sense of exhilaration when we 
 reach blue water, and the most nervous of the 
 passengers, dreading sea-sickness as a bete noir, 
 abandon themselves to the delight of breath- 
 ing the bracing, life-giving air, the salt breeze 
 that fills the lungs, and sends the blood 
 coursing vigorously through the veins. The 
 sea is calm as yet — the sky and water vie 
 with one another in cerulean hue of glorious 
 brightness. A gentle breeze is blowing, in-
 
 A SINNER'S SENTENCE 85 
 
 creased by the speed with which the steamer 
 cleaves the waves, and tempers the slanting 
 rays of a glowing sun. 
 
 At length dinner is served, and I take the 
 opportunity of studying my fellow -voyagers. 
 I have an uneasy consciousness that I may be 
 regarded as a Jonah, with my white, haggard 
 face, whose hollow pallor is heightened by my 
 carefully -groomed moustache ; but I know 
 that I am the best sailor amongst them, 
 and can laugh in my sleeve. Perhaps old 
 Mahogany - face, the captain, thinks so, for 
 he remarks to me with a grim humour that 
 this is the best meal some of them will make 
 for several days to come. The vessel is be- 
 ginning to roll very perceptibly now, but 
 some of our passengers are hardened, and no 
 one as yet has shown any signs of dis- 
 comfort. 
 
 There are a variety of people — troublesome 
 children, and children meek as mice, the
 
 86 A SINNER'S SENTENCE 
 
 young and flirting wife moins husband, who 
 will talk and laugh with everybody, and who, 
 I know from experience, will by this time 
 to-morrow be prostrated in the agonies of 
 mal de mer, and will expect everyone to 
 wait on her hand and foot. Then there is the 
 widow, who, I am sure, has a sad story to tell 
 to enlist your sympathy, and whose demure, 
 wouldn't-hurt-a-fly expression conceals a cat- 
 like watch for someone to replace ' poor, dear 
 Keginald !' There is a Lord High Com- 
 missioner of something or other, a little fussy, 
 pompous man, evidently dragged up from the 
 ranks ; he is so self-assertive, and appears in 
 a perpetual fever lest due deference should 
 not be shown to his importance. Two or 
 three civil servants, who form a coterie of 
 their own, are laughing now at some depart- 
 mental joke with the appreciation of school- 
 boys. 
 
 Then I turn to my neighbours. On one
 
 A SINNER'S SENTENCE 87 
 
 side a lady, fat, forty, and very red-faced, is 
 eating a dinner as if it were to be her last for 
 a long time, in which supposition she is 
 not far from correct. On the other side a 
 muscular Christian, a fine specimen of the 
 Church militant, but with such an earnest, 
 grave expression that I mentally liken him to 
 ' the austere man.' We gather from his re- 
 marks, for this Boanerges is communicative, 
 that he is going out to preach in the gold- 
 fields, ' to teach men that souls, as well as 
 gold, are precious.' 
 
 Beside him sits his wife, a creature built in 
 a more fragile mould, but filled Avith the 
 same enthusiasm that animates him and often 
 makes heroines out of the most unlikely 
 material. She hangs upon his words, and 
 even owns to her own aspirations after the 
 good work. She has a nice face, kind, 
 affectionate, and pre-eminently kissable ; not 
 anything striking, but still with a quiet
 
 88 A SINNER'S SENTENCE 
 
 power in it. It reminds me of a similar 
 but more saint-like one I saw under a 
 Salvation Army bonnet at Ramsgate. I was 
 standing watching the girl to whom it be- 
 longed, for she looked so refined and superior 
 to the rest of the ' army,' and was even 
 weaving in my mind a little romance about 
 her, when presently her tarn came. She gave 
 out part of a hymn, one line of which she 
 read, 'And turns our 'ell to 'eaven.' My 
 disillusion was complete. 
 
 The Reverend Ambrose Nelson — such is 
 his name — and his wife certainly are a very 
 interesting couple. I am drawn into the con- 
 versation rather against my will, as I hate 
 talking to a lot of people before I know 
 something of them, and I earn his goodwill — 
 for he is not above small vanities — by draw T - 
 ing a parallel between him and his great 
 namesake, Admiral Nelson, and I contrive 
 to do it so neatly that he can take it as a
 
 A SINNER'S SENTENCE 89 
 
 compliment without appearing inordinately 
 puffed up with vanity. 
 
 Presently, on deck, he condescends to ac- 
 cept a cigar, and we get into closer conversa- 
 tion. Such is the intense earnestness of the 
 man that it takes away the vulgarity and the 
 bad form which is always dragging in his 
 cloth in season and out of season. He 
 remarks on my ill -appearance, and trusts 
 the lesson learnt on a bed of sickness will 
 be seed thrown on good ground. Half an 
 hour of this from a canting prig would be 
 purgatory, but his enthusiasm interests me. 
 Under his stern exterior he has a large heart, 
 embracing the whole world in its wide charity, 
 and he would sacrifice himself martyr-like for 
 the good of his fellow men, had he but the 
 opportunity. 
 
 I am afraid I should sadly shock this good 
 man if he knew me as I am. Just now I am 
 listening, because it is less exertion than any-
 
 go A SINNER'S SENTENCE 
 
 thing else, as he unfolds his visions of a 
 grand universal religion, in which all nations 
 shall be brethren, and all people love one 
 another, and other similar Utopian ideas. 
 My thoughts wandered occasionally to Mrs. 
 Nelson, and I wondered if she would talk to 
 me like this, and whether she believed in it 
 all. when presently he abruptly said : 
 
 ' Well, Mr. Clifford, I must bid you good- 
 night. You must have a talk with my wife, 
 and she will tell you her opinions.' 
 
 I only said I should be delighted, but I 
 thought within myself, 'If I can't find some 
 livelier subject than religion to discuss with 
 that nice little woman, it is a pity/ 
 
 Then I retired to the bridge to share my 
 cigars with Mahogany-face, who seemed to 
 have taken a fancy to me, and even applauded 
 my feeble jokes with a growling chuckle, 
 which is a sure sign of favour to a landsman. 
 But I had yachted enough to know what port
 
 A SINNER'S SENTENCE 91 
 
 and starboard and the weather side meant, 
 and many were the yarns he told me of his 
 voyages when steam was only an auxiliary. 
 How often our feelings reflect the weather ! 
 As I sat alternately watching the brilliance 
 of the moon and the stars, and the long, semi- 
 luminous track our propeller left behind, I 
 felt a joyful sense of life and freedom and 
 satisfaction at having left Blanche behind. 
 We might have been on our honeymoon to- 
 gether — thank heaven, we weren't ! 
 
 Next day I was introduced to Mrs. Nelson. 
 We promenaded and talked together, com- 
 mencing with religious topics, but soon 
 changing them for more worldly ones, to 
 which proceeding she appeared by no means 
 averse. 
 
 Day after day we met, and we were soon 
 thoroughly at home with one another, con- 
 versing naturally on subjects of interest to us 
 both. Nelson himself often talked with me,
 
 92 A SINNER'S SENTENCE 
 
 but as I made a point of agreeing with him 
 in everything he said, he did not make the 
 progress towards my conversion that he was 
 anxious to do. Jt was curious to me, who 
 was too lazy and unintrospective to analyze 
 our feelings, but Mrs. Kelson and I became 
 interested in one another. Perhaps she was 
 sj 7 mpathetic, for I found myself telling her 
 everything about my life, and listening with 
 the same interest to her story, and on my 
 honour I had no thought of anything wrong. 
 We got on remarkably well together — that 
 was all, but this summer calm was to be 
 succeeded by a storm. 
 
 One evening, just after the twilight, she and 
 I were alone on the after- deck. Her husband's 
 stentorian tones floated up through the lamp- 
 lit skylight of the saloon, and we were pacing 
 the deck in true sailor-like fashion — so many 
 steps forward, a turn, and then back again. 
 The weather was fine, the officer on the bridge 
 
 7 o
 
 A SINNER'S SENTENCE 93 
 
 was practically invisible, and we were quite 
 alone. 
 
 A sudden lurch of the vessel just as we 
 were turning round threw her into my arms, 
 and, as I held her there an instant to prevent 
 her falling, a sudden impulse prompted me, 
 and I said, more jokingly than in earnest : 
 
 ' Shall I take one kiss, one taste of Para- 
 dise ? 5 
 
 Nothing of love-making had ever ' passed 
 between us, so that I was more than surprised 
 when, clinging to me, she received and 
 returned that kiss with a passionate ardour 
 that I myself was far from feeling. Then, 
 tearing herself from my arms, she rushed away 
 to her berth, while I, left alone and astonished, 
 stood motionless, reflecting on this singular 
 occurrence. Of course it was love, and a 
 serious case, too : and the more I thought of 
 it the quicker it woke a responsive echo in 
 my own heart. It is delicious to be loved and
 
 94 A SINNER'S SENTENCE 
 
 to know it, and, with me at least, it always 
 evokes a reciprocal tenderness. 
 
 Later on the same evening I was sitting on 
 a deck-chair, thinking over this last affaire, 
 when out of the dim obscurity Mrs. Nelson 
 came to me again. I could see, as she passed 
 the skylight, that she could not look into my 
 eyes, and her face was burning. 
 
 I said to her ' Kiss me,' and she obeyed, at 
 the same time sinking down on to my knee 
 and clasping her arms tightly around me in the 
 darkness. With her face close pressed against 
 mine, she told me with tears how she loved 
 me ; but, after a brief interval of that little 
 heart beating against my own, she fled again 
 in affright at her own wrong-doing. 
 
 I sat long and thought anxiously. I began 
 to love her, and I felt I could not draw back 
 after giving her so much encouragement ; yet 
 it was embarrassing, especially on board ship, 
 where clandestine meetings are apt to be inter-
 
 A SINNER'S SENTENCE 9$ 
 
 rupted, and there is no secluded spot Avhich 
 you can retire to and feel quite safe from 
 observation. 
 
 Still, we continued to escape it somehow, 
 and night after night, sitting in the darkness 
 with our hands clasped, we discussed the old, 
 old story. Gladys Nelson said she thought 
 she loved her husband when she married him, 
 but she had never known what love was until 
 she met me, and she revelled in the sweet 
 agony of the consciousness of her own sin. 
 Such a liaison could have but one ending, 
 although she resisted manfully for a time. 
 
 I was unejasy at times, when I reflected that 
 this woman, who had given herself body and 
 soul to me, and whose affection was more than 
 ordinarily strong, would not be easily got rid 
 of : for under her apparently unemotional 
 appearance she concealed a depth of passion 
 and power that not only surprised but often 
 alarmed me. Although I loved her, I had no
 
 96 A SINNER'S SENTENCE 
 
 ambition to deprive the divine of her and her 
 services. As the time for my landing drew 
 near, and I gave no hint of elopements or other 
 similar arrangements for the future, I began to 
 sincerely regret it all, for I was often treated 
 to floods of tears, and protestations that she 
 could never leave me.
 
 CHAPTER V. 
 
 I suppose I ought to blush to own to this 
 story, shame to tell it here in black and white 
 — but it is the truth ; and really, after some 
 of the causes celebres of late years, with the 
 loathsome details of the evidence actually 
 printed in leading journals, my simple little 
 story must read like a good little Sunday- 
 school prize- book, in which the bad boy 
 invariably ends on the gallows, or in penal 
 servitude, and the good one picks up the pin 
 on the bank steps, and, by easy stages, be- 
 comes a partner and marries the banker's 
 daughter. 
 
 But as long as men and women are born 
 vol. t. 7
 
 9 8 A SINNER'S SENTENCE 
 
 with passions, and opportunities arise for 
 gratifying them, so surely will they do so — 
 as they have ever since Eve tempted Adam. 
 Stolen fruit is sweet ; the surreptitious kiss of 
 the pretty housemaid is far more piquant than 
 the matutinal embrace Angelina bestows on 
 Edwin, as he starts for that horrid city. 
 Wroug ! Of course it is — but men and 
 women are like Dr. Watts' dogs, ' it is their 
 nature to.' 
 
 For me our liaison formed a very pleasant 
 incident on what might otherwise have been a 
 tedious voyage. It sounds callous to say so, 
 but let it stand as a protest against so much of 
 the hypocrisy that prevails. Things may not 
 be so bad in England ; but behold the canny 
 Scot, who is in arms against the slightest 
 desecration of his unlovely Sawbath, who is 
 garbed in a cloak of Puritan straitlacedness, 
 and seems the embodiment of ascetic piety. 
 That is the whited outside of the sepulchre.
 
 A SINNER'S SENTENCE 99 
 
 If you want to know the mean, narrow- 
 minded hypocrite, look on the other side of 
 the picture ; note the surreptitious drinking, 
 and study the statistics of the illegitimate 
 births. 
 
 There is little more to add. We spent days 
 of delicious intimacy together, only tempered 
 by Gladys' tearful entreaties and arguments, 
 and by awkward appearances and rencontres 
 with her husband ; but she, artful little 
 woman, knew well how to manage him, and 
 a hint that we were talking about religion for 
 my good, sent the big, honest, trusting man 
 contented away ; nay, more, he encouraged 
 our intimacy, so secure in the consciousness of 
 his own virtue that he never imagined the pos- 
 sibility of frailty in his wife. 
 
 It has always been a favourite dictum of 
 mine that a woman, who has a reformed roue 
 for her husband, or who herself knows enough 
 of evil to discriminate between it and good, is 
 
 7—2
 
 ioo A SINNER'S SENTENCE 
 
 far better adapted to cope with the many and 
 insidious temptations that the stronger sex 
 (careless of consequences, and selfish enough 
 to risk esclandre ) misery, anything for an idle 
 hour's pastime) is so ready to put in her way, 
 than the one who, innocent in mind, knows 
 not evil and its penalties, for retribution comes 
 swiftly and not pecle claudo. The latter falls 
 sometimes without realizing what she is doing, 
 whereas the former knows well the lurid 
 prospect that awaits her. The man who has 
 been a profligate, and realizes what perils 
 beset a woman's path, is the man of all others 
 to keep an eye on his wife's virtue, and to 
 protect her honour if he loves her. He knows 
 that unrestrained intercourse with fascinating 
 and handsome men, born to flatter and deceive, 
 is dangerous, while your innocent husband 
 often encourages and facilitates that swift and 
 straight road to ruin. 
 
 The moral of all this is not the time-
 
 A SINNER'S SENTENCE 101 
 
 worn text, that the reformed rake makes the 
 best husband ; but that a little leaven of 
 ungodliness in the lump is not a bad thing in 
 the man to whom you choose to entrust your 
 favourite daughter's welfare — that is, if indeed 
 you have any choice in the matter ; for nowa- 
 days the question ' what to do with our 
 daughters ' becomes so pressing, that one's 
 mental mentor at once urges : Marry them, and 
 that right quickly, to the first man who has 
 the means and the inclination to pay for their 
 board and lodging. Wherefore harry not 
 your minds, Conscript Fathers, that the 
 suitors for your daughters' hands are, or have 
 been, a little wild, always provided they are 
 not confirmed drunkards or profligates ; for 
 our intense British respectability asserts itself 
 when they marry and settle down, and in nine 
 cases out of ten they become sober, steady, 
 regular attendants at church, purse-proud 
 combinations of broadcloth and banking
 
 102 A SINNER'S SENTENCE 
 
 account, men of weight and pomposity, church- 
 wardens possibly in the future ; models of 
 respected propriety with hearts like the nether 
 millstone, and unblemished reputations for 
 rectitude and twenty shillings in the pound. 
 Ah, me ! I marvel sometimes, is the change for 
 the better ? The publican, albeit he is drawn 
 in the more favourable light, always seems so 
 much the more estimable character of the two. 
 As for the thoroughly bad and irreclaimable 
 character, why, not having the gift of prophecy, 
 how can we pick out this wolf in sheep's 
 clothing from amongst his fellow men ? 
 
 Asweneared Natal, and our parting became 
 imminent, I was treated to hours of pitiful 
 entreaty, floods of tears, and tender reproaches. 
 I was very fond of Mrs. Nelson indeed by this 
 time, but was I to ruin my life and spoil all my 
 prospect because she took this ephemeral 
 amusement au grand serieux? Not very 
 likely, and while I deeply regretted her want
 
 A SINNER'S SENTENCE 103 
 
 of control, I had to explain gently but firmly 
 how disastrous for both of us, her leaving her 
 husband for my unworthy self would be. 
 
 I am always weakminded where women are 
 concerned, and especially if they have recourse 
 to that last and most fatal weapon in their 
 armoury — tears ; but I knew so well how 
 weakness now would entail years of misery, 
 perhaps, upon us afterwards, that I stood my 
 ground ; and at length Gladys realized between 
 her sobs that I was obdurate, and, as it takes 
 two to make an elopement, and I would not 
 be one of them, she had perforce to reconcile 
 herself to her lot. 
 
 It was embarrassing, too, to have to undergo 
 all these scenes. In a big steamship there are 
 plenty of holes and corners, quiet little hiding 
 places made for lovers and such like ; but 
 when people were always encountering us 
 together — a young and not unattractive 
 woman, and a somewhat roue looking man —
 
 104 A SINNER'S SENTENCE 
 
 it is not surprising if they marvelled at it, 
 while we both fancied that they looked askance 
 at us at meals in the saloon. However, 
 n'importe, for the good blind Boanerges — St. 
 Ambrose we christened him — saw nothing, 
 and went on his way rejoicing, now defying 
 the time-honoured injunction, and airing his 
 views to the man at the wheel, and now talk- 
 ing to the pompous little High Commissioner 
 in so democratic a strain that his hair almost 
 stood on end. 
 
 I had to soothe Mrs. Nelson a great deal, 
 for I discovered she was the sort of woman to 
 fly out, avow her love for me before everyone, 
 and then perhaps fling her arms round my 
 neck, and shriek out her determination of 
 never leaving me. Now publicity is my 
 abhorrence, and such a proceeding, though 
 highly dramatic and interesting to the 
 spectators, would have no charms for me 
 whatever. I was therefore highly grateful
 
 A SINNER'S SENTENCE 105 
 
 when, without any unpleasantness of this sort 
 occurring, the time arrived for me to land. I 
 watched my goods and chattels disappear over 
 the side, and then followed them apprehensive 
 of a scene at the eleventh hour ; but at last I 
 saw with relief Mrs. Nelson's pale, troubled 
 face disappear amongst waving handkerchiefs, 
 and the stentorian ' God speed you's ' and 
 ' God bless you's ' that St. Ambrose showered 
 upon me. 
 
 When I reflected on the matter afterwards, 
 I was convinced that the more pleasant and 
 enjoyable the sin, the more annoyance and 
 trouble it is likely to cause you, for, in 
 addition to my uneasiness lest Mrs. Nelson's 
 emotional nature should overcome her common 
 sense, whenever I met her husband I ex- 
 perienced a good many of the sensations that 
 must have been felt by Judas Iscariot.
 
 CHAPTER VI. 
 
 I only stayed a few days at Natal, as there 
 was a boat returning, and I was anxious to 
 return to England, for I missed Mrs. Nelson a 
 great deal. When I went on board, I began 
 to realize rny loneliness more than ever. In 
 the secluded corners where she, with feminine 
 intuition, would have been waiting for me. I 
 found no one, and I was so disgusted with life 
 in general, that the attentions of a Cape 
 beauty, an heiress, and bearing in her phleg- 
 matic Dutch face evident traces of her descent, 
 had no attraction for me, and she must have 
 thought me the most listless and distrait of 
 created mortals. 
 
 The passage seemed interminable, and, lover
 
 A SINNER'S SENTENCE 107 
 
 of the sea as I am, fairest mistress as I 
 consider it, with its ever-varying capricious- 
 ness, its infinite variety of charm and expres- 
 sion, I welcomed the unsavoury Thames as 
 eagerly as any returning emigrant, and the 
 train that carries me to London is not so 
 swift as my desires. The smartest hansom I 
 can find bears me off through the streets, which 
 your genuine flaneur loves more ardently than 
 many a patriot does the land he professes to 
 be so anxious to free, and before long I am 
 deposited at my chambers. 
 
 Here I find a note from Blanche Haviland, 
 saying she has gone to stay at Woodsleigh 
 Towers, away in the Midlands. Of course, I 
 must go, too ; and there was a letter from 
 Mrs. Fawcett, her hostess, inviting me in that 
 aggravatingly take-it-for-granted style, as if I 
 were a mere appendage to Blanche, already 
 fettered at the end of a big chain, and where 
 she was, there I must be also.
 
 108 A SINNER'S SENTENCE 
 
 Blanche's letter was like herself, elegantly- 
 expressed and gracefully worded, with as 
 much warmth as was in her nature infused 
 into it. Was she human, a creature of 
 passions and errors, this cold flawless piece of 
 perfection ? Could she be amenable to the 
 raptures and throes of love ? or, more likely, 
 that well-regulated organ, her heart, would 
 not beat a shade faster, and her frame never 
 experience any pleasure from the divinest of 
 all sensations — the soft touch of a lover's kiss. 
 Perhaps beneath that polished mask of ice lay 
 a volcano of passion, but that Blanche could 
 ever raise her voice to an unladylike height, 
 or move a shade faster than she had been 
 drilled to do, I could never believe. 
 
 I sit and ponder over a large Partaga and 
 some cognac, largely diluted, for I have to be 
 careful still, and then I toil at this record. 
 Comfortable as are the appointments of a 
 well-found steamer, dulce clomum has many
 
 A SINNER'S SENTENCE 109 
 
 charms, and now I must again leave them 
 and fly to my betrothed's side, a bondage 
 which ought to be sweet and enthralling, but, 
 alas ! it has grown no more attractive. Tlie 
 painful consciousness that I shall have to 
 mind my p's and ^'s, to use a homely 
 expression, when I am with Blanche in no 
 way enlivens me ; and instead of the happi- 
 ness I ought to feel at seeing her again, I 
 experience a most decided disinclination for 
 her strait-laced society, and her affection that 
 has as much fire in it as that of a dame du 
 mode for a husband of two or three years' 
 standing. 
 
 It is a good thing, and praiseworthy, this 
 cultivated, cold high-mindedness, this nobility 
 of thought and action ; but my Bohemian 
 sympathies fairly crave for a little humanity, 
 something less angelically perfect, something 
 akin to the roses and raptures of vice, as 
 opposed to these hateful and eternal lilies and
 
 no A SINNER'S SENTENCE 
 
 languors of virtue, which always make me feel 
 like a schoolboy up for an examination. The 
 prospect of always existing with one whom 
 you look on as your superior, and whose 
 presence always makes you feel small and 
 insignificant, is not a very happy one. Per- 
 petual propriety of behaviour ! Ugh ! One 
 might as well be a convict or take the vows ! 
 Yet I had entered on this entanglement 
 gaily and thoughtlessly, with the absurd 
 vanity of the age just beyond hobbledehoy - 
 hood. Thinking myself irresistible, I deter- 
 mined that this haughty and difficile beauty 
 should be mine. My one aim was to hear her 
 lovely lips declare her love for me, and, to do 
 this, I had to compete with the other men of 
 her set, who were as constant in their 
 attendance upon her as the sunflower to the 
 sun. I succeeded slowly and almost imper- 
 ceptibly, but then I was interested. When 
 the moment of victory came, my heart did not
 
 A SINNER'S SENTENCE in 
 
 beat as high as I expected, but now my iove 
 seems turned to dust and ashes. 
 
 Yet what a fool I am ! The best chance 
 that will ever come in my way, and one that 
 plenty of men in my position would be only 
 too proud to wrest from my grasp, and I am 
 dissatisfied with my own good fortune. I 
 always used to think that, when I married, I 
 should like to be really and truly in love with 
 my wife, and this is the end of my dreams. If 
 it had only been poor little Vera ! and I sigh 
 involuntarily, although in Mrs. Kelson's 
 society I have contrived to forget her. 
 
 Woodsleigh Towers. 
 
 The fates have played me a nice trick. Just 
 as I had made up my mind to kiss the rod 
 and accept my gilded slavery, to make the 
 fatal plunge into matrimony, and get it over 
 quickly, as a child does a nauseous dose of 
 medicine, who should make her appearance,
 
 U2 A SINNER'S SENTENCE 
 
 and knock all my good intentions effectually 
 on the head, who but my own darling Vera ! 
 and I love her more than ever. 
 
 I had quite forgotten Blanche's promise to 
 offer her a home as companion, if she could 
 not obtain a situation. I knew Vera's welfare 
 was safe in Blanche Haviland's hands after 
 the latter had given her promise — safe, in 
 fact, as you are in an Arab's tent after its 
 owner has eaten bread and salt with you, and 
 I had troubled myself no more. It never 
 occurred to me that Yera would be at Woods- 
 leigh, and meeting her face to face was a shock 
 to me, that in my convalescent state was hard 
 to face properly ; but it told me unmistakably 
 where my affection really was given, and 
 revealed to me like a lightning flash what a 
 distasteful and wretched union I should make 
 with Blanche, unblessed and unbrightened by 
 the glamour of love. What were her perfec- 
 tions and her thousands to me beside that
 
 A SINNER'S SENTENCE 113 
 
 small irregular face, whose smile seemed the 
 sunshine of life ? 
 
 It happened in this wise. One morning I 
 made my way to Blanche's boudoir, which, 
 en suite with two other rooms, was situated on 
 the garden front of the Towers — for she was 
 an honoured guest, and I always felt as if I 
 should be known merely as ' Blanche Havi- 
 land's husband,' not a role one would choose, 
 certainly. I knocked at the door for admission, 
 and her clear high-pitched tones answered 
 back, 'Come in,' so I went in accordingly. 
 
 By the window, at a little buhl Louis XIV. 
 table, covered with painting materials, sat 
 Blanche, and Vera — my Vera ! 
 
 I tried to pretend to myself I had not seen 
 her, but it was useless, and with my head 
 swimming and pulses throbbing, I advanced 
 slowly, step by step, with my gaze riveted 
 on her. Something of the hungry yearning 
 expression in her eyes must have magnetized 
 
 vol. 1. 8
 
 ii 4 A SINNER'S SENTENCE 
 
 me, for I could not take mine from hers, as, 
 almost trembling with the knowledge that 
 before me was the one and only woman in 
 the whole world whom I loved, I remarked 
 with lame and feeble jocularity : 
 
 ' So glad to find you, Blanche darling ; 
 and how industrious! I am ashamed of 
 myself 
 
 Was it fancy, or did a little pained scorn- 
 ful look come into Vera's eyes, as if she 
 knew well the insincerity of that word 
 
 i darling ' ? 
 
 Then, with an affectation of indifference I 
 was far from feeling, I went on, ' Is that you, 
 Miss Marchmont ? And pray what are you 
 doing at Woodsleigh Towers ?' 
 
 Blanche interposed before Vera could reply, 
 and in as acid a tone as good breeding, still 
 further restrained by her own calm superiority, 
 could assume, remarked, ' It is a good thing 
 my word is better than your memory, my
 
 A SINNER'S SENTENCE 115 
 
 dear Bertie ; but surely you cannot have 
 forgotten ?' 
 
 ' Oh no,' I replied, remembering suddenly, 
 and then with studied carelessness I continued, 
 1 1 owe you a thousand thanks, and — er — er — 
 you have found her a congenial companion,' 
 I blundered on, pointing to the paints and 
 palettes and brushes. 
 
 I hated the idea of my Vera being in servi- 
 tude of any kind, however light the yoke ; 
 but I have no doubt that, had she belonged 
 to me, I might have let her make a slave of 
 herself to a much greater extent than Blanche 
 would have been capable of; but then that 
 would be only natural in one of the lords of 
 creation. 
 
 Yera spoke up brightly, but without look- 
 ing at me, ' Oh, Mr. Clifford, I can never 
 thank you and dear Miss Haviland enough. 
 I could not tell you how kind she has been 
 to me.' 
 
 8—2
 
 n6 A SINNER'S SENTENCE 
 
 ' Stay, my dear Vera,' interposed Blanche 
 in that cool, lofty, superior tone T dislike so 
 intensely, ' I am very glad to have been of 
 service to you, but I would rather not be 
 thanked effusively. It is enough for me to 
 know that you are contented and happy, and 
 now let us change the subject. What has 
 Mrs. Fawcett in store for us this morning?' 
 
 ' Oh, a drive, and an impromptu picnic at a 
 
 rained castle not far away. You will come, 
 
 won't you, Blanche? or I shall not care to go.' 
 
 I felt the very prince of hypocrites as I said 
 
 this ; but all is fair in love and war, and I 
 
 must not arouse Blanche's suspicions, as I 
 
 was determined to see Vera, and win her for 
 
 my own if I could. How I hated myself, and 
 
 how contemptible I must have looked in the 
 
 eyes of the woman I loved, descending to 
 
 such base subterfuges, when I ought to have 
 
 taken her in my arms boldly, and defied 
 
 Blanche and the world to part us !
 
 A SINNER'S SENTENCE 117 
 
 How is it Blanche so often succeeds in dis- 
 couraging and putting down almost every- 
 one's ideas but her own? Is it her own 
 greater intellectuality of mind and insight 
 that foresees their failings ? She makes answer 
 vivaciously to my speech. 
 
 ; You know I detest everything impromptu, 
 and especially scrambling meals. The me- 
 ringues always get mixed up with the 
 foie gras, the pepper gets into something, and 
 the claret or the corkscrew is sure to be for- 
 gotten.' 
 
 I ventured to remind her of one or two 
 pleasant little impromptu excursions we had 
 had together in town, but I again got the 
 worst of it, 
 
 ' Yes, but it is quite a different matter 
 when there is a Star and Garter chef to 
 arrange the menu, and you must own it is 
 more than annoying, after a long drive that 
 has given you an appetite, to find a melee of
 
 u8 A SINNER'S SENTENCE 
 
 broken victuals that you would hardly offer 
 a beggar.' 
 
 There was reason in this, for Blanche had 
 been born with a gold spoon in her mouth, 
 and any idea of Bohemian roughing it was 
 quite foreign to her nature. 
 
 I was piqued at her refusal, but I was . 
 nothing loath to escape scrambling over ivy- 
 clad ruins to the detriment of patent leathers 
 built for Pall Mall, and one's personal appear- 
 ance generally ; for, not being an ardent 
 sportsman, I must confess to a strong aversion 
 to wearing boots that would beat Hodge the 
 day-labourer's for thickness, and in which 
 the ' line of beauty ' is conspicuous by its 
 absence. 
 
 I resigned myself therefore to a morning in 
 her boudoir, and was wondering whether I 
 dare venture to profane the sanctuary with a 
 cigar in order to bear more philosophically 
 with the polite snubs I knew I should have to
 
 A SINNER'S SENTENCE 119 
 
 endure, when to my relief Blanche said, with a 
 soupgon of malice : 
 
 ' No, Bertie, we can't allow you to stay 
 here. The smell of the paints must be bad 
 for an invalid, and you will hinder us, for 
 our work requires close attention. Go, butter- 
 fly,' she added playfully ; ' flutter where you 
 will until dinner time, and if you go to the 
 picnic, don't get your feet wet and take cold !' 
 
 She waved me from her presence with as 
 much grace as a queen, with a sable pencil 
 for a sceptre, could assume. 
 
 To say I was glad is but a feeble expression 
 for my feelings, for it was little short of 
 torture to have to sit at Blanche's feet uttering 
 tender commonplaces, with Vera listening all 
 the time, and condemning me most likely as 
 a cold-hearted mercenary wretch. 
 
 Anything was better than that, and, armed 
 with a cigar, I went for a walk, thanking my 
 stars devoutly for the deliverance. 1 had not a
 
 i2o A SINNER'S SENTENCE 
 
 thought for Blanche, save how to plan a tete-a- 
 tete with Vera without her knowledge, and this 
 was by no means easy, for Blanche, just and 
 kind as she was to her dependents, was 
 decidedly exacting. 
 
 Posing as an invalid in a modest sort of 
 way, it was easy enough for me to escape the 
 picnic on my own behalf, so I wandered about 
 the grounds shamelessly, for, as that estimable 
 but useless animal, an engaged man, I could 
 not be expected to do escort duty to another 
 fair one, especially when my fiancee was such 
 a persona grata at the Towers. 
 
 I saw the cavalcade starting, and as one 
 carriage passed me, a saucy, laughing young 
 face owned by Miss Marion Beauchamp, the 
 life of the house, and to whom any liberty 
 was allowed, looked at me with interest and 
 pretended concern. Then she burst out 
 laughing, and exclaimed : 
 
 Fie! Mr. Clifford ; how can you desert Miss
 
 A SINNER'S SENTENCE 121 
 
 Haviland?' and then, with a decided wink at the 
 rest of the party, she went on, ' Oh, I see now, 
 you look glum — a lovers' quarrel, of course. 
 Fly, faithless one, and heal the breach.' 
 
 I made some laughing response, and the 
 carriage sped onward, leaving me to my 
 reflections, and those none of the pleasantest. 
 
 Bound to Blanche I was by honour, and 
 every tie I could think of, and yet no con- 
 victed criminal ever saw the prison doors 
 opening before him with more aversion than 
 I contemplated being compelled to undergo 
 her society, even for the conventional month, 
 let alone the rest of our natural lives ; for even 
 in the most ultra manage a la mode you 
 must see something of your wife, and the 
 more especially when you owe so much to her 
 as I should do. 
 
 Then, when I thought of Vera, darling little 
 Vera's piquant face, and her bright odd 
 winning manner, that made me feel instinc-
 
 122 A SINNER'S SENTENCE 
 
 tively at home with her, it appeared seraphic 
 bliss to picture her always by my side after 
 the lofty superiority, and the ice-like propriety 
 of Blanche, who seemed above mere mortal 
 failings, and could hardly comprehend the 
 existence of them in others. 
 
 It was no use to argue with myself that I 
 was a Lovelace, a faithless creature who loves 
 and then rides away. Our engagement was 
 of old standing ; it had been recognised, 
 criticized, sat in judgment on, and sanctioned. 
 All my friends considered me a lucky dog ; 
 and although I am not, I hope, detestably 
 mercenary, I did not like to throw up this 
 Eldorado, this match that was so advantageous 
 in every point except the sentimental one. If 
 I did, where could I hide my diminished 
 head ? I should be able to show T nowhere ; I 
 should be a pariah, an outcast from all those 
 circles where, as Blanche's intended husband, 
 I had been received and made much of.
 
 A SINNER'S SENTENCE 123 
 
 The middle course was plain, but I did not 
 feel base enough for that, and even if I could 
 have persuaded Vera to accede to my wishes, 
 it was a repulsive idea to start married life 
 with the dual existence entailed by ' a separate 
 establishment.' 
 
 Vera was not likely to play Marguerite to 
 my Faust, and the worst of my own set, who 
 could have counted as many victims to their 
 seductive arts as an Indian chief counts his 
 scalps, and with whom little vagaries with 
 Mdlle.Fonblanque,or Miss Geraldine Vavasour, 
 nee Jones or Tompkins in Whitechapel, were 
 common every - day occurrences, even these 
 made a clean sweep of their waitresses before 
 embarking on the troubled waters of matri- 
 mony ; while my only chance of happiness, it 
 seemed to me, was to assume these responsi- 
 bilities, in addition to those that marrying 
 Blanche would cause me. 
 
 Verily, I am impaled on the horns of
 
 124 A SINNER'S SENTENCE 
 
 a dilemma, and yet I will not, I cannot, 
 sacrifice my Yera for Blanche. I could marry 
 the latter, and then approach Yera with fair 
 words and the worst of intentions, if I was 
 desperate enough, but my little Yera has too 
 much innate honesty of character to listen to 
 proposals which must be insulting, however 
 worded, when coming from another woman's 
 husband. 
 
 I might assume the common or garden 
 virtue of honesty, and marry the woman I 
 love — but what then ? I have always been 
 used to the little refinements and enjoyments 
 of life. I am selfish enough to know I should 
 be unhappy without them ; and why should 
 I drag Yera down to, perhaps, a garret, and a 
 troop of squalling brats ? — a state of things in 
 which no love could survive long. Besides 
 which, my own affairs, owing to persistent 
 doing of little bills, and getting up behind 
 others of equally impecunious and similarly
 
 A SINNER'S SENTENCE 125 
 
 obliging friends, are by no means in a pros- 
 perous condition. Hinc illce lachrymcef Were 
 I Croesus, bow easy my duty would be ! 
 
 One tbing is certain, I can't temporize mucb 
 longer. Blancbe is expecting to be married 
 soon, and everyone is asking ber when the 
 happy event is coming off; and, diplomatize 
 as I will, the time is at hand when we must 
 make some definite announcement. However, 
 see Vera I must, and will.
 
 CHAPTER VII. 
 
 That evening, after dressing for dinner, I was 
 passing through one of the corridors on my 
 way downstairs when I met Vera. At sight 
 of me she seemed to shrink back, but, master- 
 ing herself, she came forward with an indif- 
 ference that I knew was feigned. Her cold 
 ' good evening ' was drowned in my impatient, 
 impetuous words : 
 
 ' Vera, I have wanted to see you, to speak 
 to you particularly. Tell me when you are at 
 liberty ; I have so much to say to you !' 
 
 She replied in a pained tone : 
 
 ' You can have nothing to say to me in 
 private, and you must not call me Vera. It
 
 A SINNER'S SENTENCE 127 
 
 is treachery to Miss Haviland, who is so kind 
 and good to me, even for me to speak to you 
 at all.' 
 
 1 This is trifling,' I rejoined roughly. ■ What 
 I have to say to you is of the last importance. 
 You loved me once ; you must grant me this 
 request — an interview, not a long one, and 
 when and where you will — but see you I 
 must.' 
 
 Just then a footstep was heard coming in 
 the distance, and this seemed to decide her in 
 my favour, for she said hurriedly : 
 
 ' Well, if you must, I will be in the path in 
 the shrubbery to-morrow morning at half-past 
 eight.' 
 
 ' Don't fail me,' I said impressively, and 
 then, as the footsteps drew nearer and nearer 
 behind us, I added the most commonplace 
 remark about the beauty of the Towers. 
 
 It was Blanche's maid, but, providentially, 
 Blanche was not one to listen to servants'
 
 128 A SINNER'S SENTENCE 
 
 gossip, or encourage any familiarity that might 
 lead to disclosures concerning me. 
 
 Blanche had a good deal of that royal con- 
 descension that would let the world get pro- 
 perly aired before venturing out, so I knew 
 our interview would be safe from her inter- 
 ference. Pour moiy the worm that went out 
 too early, and got caught, has always had my 
 heartfelt sympathy ; but to meet Vera I would 
 have arisen at sunrise, and the trysting-place 
 saw us arrive punctually on the morrow with 
 a coincidence that w T ould be suspicious to any 
 observant eyes. 
 
 ' Vera darling !' I exclaimed. 
 
 And after a hasty glance round T would 
 have taken her in my arms, for I was hunger- 
 ing for a touch of her lips ; but she repulsed 
 me with a gentle dignity and a surprise that 
 must have been assumed. Love in your own 
 heart imbues you with a peculiar prescience 
 of your loved one's feelings, places you en
 
 A SINNER'S SENTENCE 129 
 
 rapport, as the mesmerists say, and thus, 
 knowing her own feelings and mine, how 
 could she have been surprised at the impulse 
 that prompted me to seize her and stifle her 
 with kisses ? 
 
 ' Mr. Clifford !' she said, in indignant but 
 tremulous tones. 
 
 ' Call me Bertie,' I interpolated, ' as you 
 once did.' 
 
 This was an unlucky speech of mine, for 
 while it was intended to evoke tender re- 
 collections of the past, it only recalled to her 
 mind the unhappiness that was the result of 
 our love. 
 
 ' I shall do nothing of the sort !' she ex- 
 claimed with spirit ; ' and you ought not to 
 bring me here to say such things to me. 
 What would Miss Haviland think ? You are 
 behaving abominably to her by pretending to 
 care for me, and if she knew of it, I should 
 lose the kindest friend I ever had.' 
 
 vol. 1. 9
 
 130 A SINNER'S SENTENCE 
 
 ' Vera,' I pleaded, 'you know my love for 
 you is no pretence.' 
 
 ' Pretence or not, what does it matter ?' 
 She gave a little dry, bitter laugh that told 
 me how she felt on the subject, and con- 
 tinued : ' When you are married to Miss 
 Haviland, you will soon forget all about me. 
 I am content with my lot, and everyone 
 cannot have happiness, I suppose. Why do 
 you persecute me just for your own amuse- 
 ment ?' 
 
 ' Vera,' I cried hotly, ' you are unjust ! 
 I swear to you ' 
 
 ' Nonsense !' she interrupted, with a wintry 
 little smile ; ' go and swear eternal constancy 
 to the woman you are going to marry. She 
 deserves it, for she is one of the best of her 
 sex.' 
 
 ' The devil take her ! — no, I don't mean 
 that,' I ejaculated. ' Listen, Vera : I love 
 you; you know I love you. My circumstances
 
 A SINNER'S SENTENCE 131 
 
 are not such as I could ask you to share 
 as my wife, for how can I, loving you as I 
 do, drag you down into genteel poverty ? In 
 your present position you have a good home 
 and every luxury, even if you are dependent 
 upon someone's pleasure ; but as the wife of 
 a poor, struggling professional man, with, 
 perhaps, several mouths to feed, life would be 
 unendurable ; besides which, hampered as I 
 should be, there would be no ^brighter pros- 
 pect in store for us. You can understand 
 that ?' 
 
 ' Perfectly — so well, in fact, that I ask what 
 you want with me.' 
 
 • Nay, Vera, help me out. What am I to 
 do ? The ^prospect of a loveless union with 
 Blanche inspires me with despair, and yet 
 there is no other alternative open to me.' 
 
 ' Then,' she replied dramatically and scorn- 
 fully, ' your presence here is a double 
 dishonour ! You insult me by forcing on 
 
 9—2
 
 132 A SINNER'S SENTENCE 
 
 me your illicit love, while in the same breath 
 you avow your determination to marry Miss 
 Haviland ; and to her, as your betrothed, your 
 conduct is the basest treachery imaginable ! 
 I will listen no longer !' 
 
 I could have laughed at such tragedy, but 
 the situation was too serious, and, intent on 
 my purpose, I wanted to impress on her mind 
 the main fact that I loved her, in the hope that 
 the seed might fall upon good ground. So T 
 said : 
 
 ' Nothing was further from my thoughts 
 than to insult you. Only remember, Vera, 
 my darling, that I love you ; I love you as 
 passionately and fondly as I believe you do 
 me, and if it pains you to see me the husband 
 of another, is it nothing for me to suffer, to be 
 deprived of you, to have to simulate affection 
 that is false, and pleasure where I am un- 
 happy ?' 
 
 Vera yielded a little.
 
 A SINNER'S SENTENCE 133 
 
 ■ No, I will believe you. Perhaps I spoke 
 too harshly, but we must end this.' 
 
 ' Dearest,' I implored, ' can't even your 
 woman's wit see some way out of our diffi- 
 culties ?' 
 
 ' No, it is impossible — and I must be going; 
 good-bye.' 
 
 She glided away and disappeared in the 
 depths of the shrubbery before I had time to 
 remonstrate. 
 
 Returning to the house, with the usual 
 perversity of human fortunes, I of course 
 encountered Blanche Haviland, graceful, self- 
 possessed, perfectly dressed, and with the 
 same exalted, kind, but aggravating smile. I 
 kissed her with the chastest possible of 
 caresses, which she accepted graciously and 
 condescendingly, and then, with a sprightly 
 but dignified surprise, she asked : 
 
 ' And pray, Bertie dear, on what errand 
 are you bent at this unearthly hour ? Has
 
 134 A SINNER'S SENTENCE 
 
 your watch stopped, that you have risen with 
 the lark by mistake, or have you taken to 
 reading law before breakfast ? Lastly, but I 
 hope not, are you ill ?' 
 
 ' JSTo, my dear Blanche, thank you ; nor can 
 I plead guilty to any of the other motives you 
 would attribute to me. I was in bed early, 
 and could not sleep this morning.' 
 
 This was anything but the truth, for I had 
 stayed in the smoking-room so late the 
 previous night, that it was only cold water ad 
 libitum that had brought me up to time to see 
 Vera. 
 
 ' Well, Bertie, early rising is very healthy 
 and appropriate in the country.' And then, 
 looking at me quizzically as I thought, she 
 added, 'I wonder if any similar feeling has 
 attacked Miss Marchmont. for she was not in 
 her room when Lisette called me.' 
 
 ' I am not Miss Marchmont's keeper,' I 
 answered laughingly, ' and therefore I cannot
 
 A SINNER'S SENTENCE 135 
 
 say, and you will believe me, darling Blanche, 
 I am too much concerned for your happiness 
 to have a thought for anyone else's. But I 
 met her last night, and she told me how good 
 you had been to her. It is just like your 
 own kind noble self, and I want to thank you 
 sincerely for granting my request, although 
 I was ungrateful enough to have forgotten it.' 
 
 ' Oh, it is nothing, and when you ask me 
 a greater favour, you will not find me 
 unwilling to grant it.' 
 
 Very often I felt myself driven to respect 
 Blanche, to almost worship her, but in the 
 same way as you would worship an angel or 
 a god ; that is, as a very high and exalted 
 creature of perfection, whose every action you 
 admired and thought beyond all praise, but a 
 being for whom you could never feel mortal 
 love, from whom you would never long for 
 passionate embraces, and melting tenderness, 
 or the rapture of gratified desires, but as one
 
 136 A SINNER'S SENTENCE 
 
 who was superior to earthly weaknesses, whom 
 you would canonize, and to whose memory 
 you would erect a statue. And it was so 
 now. I felt how little I deserved the precious 
 boon she was even now offering me — herself 
 — and how little I desired it. 
 
 ' Blanche, darling, I often feel so much 
 your inferior, that, even longing as I do to 
 possess you for my own, I almost dread our 
 marriage, lest you should lind out too late 
 how unworthy of you I am in every respect, 
 how undeserving of the happiness that has 
 fallen to my lot.' 
 
 This is conscience speaking out for once. 
 
 1 Not a very lover-like speech, Bertie,' says 
 my fiancee, evidently wondering that anyone, 
 even myself, should presume to question the 
 wisdom of her choice. 
 
 ' But, my dearest, I am often really over- 
 whelmed at my good fortune. You are so 
 different to other women, so far their superior
 
 A SINNER'S SENTENCE 137 
 
 morally and intellectually, that I hesitate to 
 take this fair image from its pedestal to pollute 
 it with my rude earthly touch.' 
 
 ' Come, Bertie,' she replied, a little impa- 
 tiently, ' we have often discussed this question 
 before. You may relinquish these qualms of 
 conscience, which, if they do you credit, are 
 rather quixotic. I am not a young and 
 thoughtless girl, to bestow my love on the 
 first man I see, and if I am satisfied, surely 
 you may be so too.' 
 
 This was said significantly, and if Blanche 
 were anything but the well-bred woman of 
 the world that she is, I might have reason to 
 fear that the advantages which are on her side 
 would some day be thrown in my teeth. If 
 she only knew the true state of affairs, she 
 would not stigmatize my reluctance as 
 quixotic. 
 
 Two days afterwards I had another short 
 interview with Vera, which was interrupted
 
 138 A SINNER'S SENTENCE 
 
 by Blanche's maid. Woe is me ! Shall I kiss 
 that pretty soubrette and offer her a gold 
 piece ? or will that be even more compromis- 
 ing ? I decide not to kiss her, as Blanche 
 would shudder if she heard of it, and her 
 refined temperament would revolt against 
 anything ' so low '; so I proffer her half a 
 sovereign, which she takes with a most 
 significant twinkle in her eye, as she chirps 
 out : 
 
 ' Ah ! monsieur is so good. He can depend 
 upon my discretion.' 
 
 ' A fico for your discretion,' T thought ; ' the 
 story will soon be common property in the 
 servants' hall ; but, if it only does not reach 
 Blanche's ears, no matter, and my reputation 
 for gallantry will surely allow me a little 
 flirtation with an ex-governess of rather 
 piquant appearance.' And the crisis was 
 coming fast ; I must do something to extricate 
 my self.
 
 A SINNER'S SENTENCE 139 
 
 At last I managed to get Vera to myself 
 again. It was a fine evening, and with an 
 apology for leaving the men immediately 
 dinner was over, I met her at one end of the 
 terrace, and walking along, I begged her to 
 listen to me. 
 
 I had no fresh arguments to use. I could 
 only assure her of my undying love, and she 
 was more yielding than before : her love had 
 grown up with my presence near to her ; but 
 still she was inflexible. 
 
 ! Leave me,' she begged ; 'you know it is 
 impossible. As a man of honour and a gentle- 
 man, I beseech you not to tempt me V 
 
 1 Vera,' 1 replied cynically, 'I call myself a 
 gentleman, but I am very doubtful whether I 
 ought to claim the character of honourable. 
 See, I tell you my faults ; I love you so much, 
 I will not even attempt to deceive you. Are 
 we to be parted for ever, you and I, who were 
 made for one another, because circumstances
 
 Mo A SINNER'S SENTENCE 
 
 compel me to marry Miss Haviland ? Are we 
 to live on in the desolate hopeless gloom of 
 knowing that our lives have been wrecked, 
 and that by our own folly ? that we have 
 thrown away the happiness that might have 
 been ours, and that the heaven of love has 
 been turned into the hell of despair ?' 
 
 I spoke forcibly, for I felt what I said. 
 
 ' Bertie!' — and the cry was wrung from her 
 as if she were in physical pain — ' don't torture 
 me ; you don't know what I am suffering. 
 See, I kneel to you — 1 implore you not to 
 make my burden heavier to bear.' 
 
 She was terribly emotional in her love for 
 me ; she had actually thrown herself on her 
 knees, and was pleading through a rain of 
 tears, while I felt like the villain I was. But 
 I loved her, and could not give her up. 
 
 A moment after, unnoticed by us at first, 
 so absorbed were we, we saw people approach- 
 ing us. The night was fine, and some indi-
 
 A SINNER'S SENTENCE 141 
 
 vidual, whom I could cheerfully have shot, 
 had proposed a walk on the terrace. They 
 had seen us, and from our attitude had mis- 
 taken Vera for a village girl on her knees, 
 imploring one of the men-servants, who was 
 the cause of her shame, to marry her. The 
 faster spirits thereupon proposed to go and 
 investigate matters. 
 
 We were caught in a trap, and escape was 
 impossible, for there was no outlet from the 
 terrace at that end. Fortunately it was rather 
 dark, and I hastily whispered to Vera : 
 
 i Dry your eyes, keep in the shadow, seem 
 as if nothing had happened, and talk about 
 theatricals.' 
 
 I was anxious to put as good a face on the 
 situation as possible, for all our sakes, but 
 especially to spare her. Blanche was consti- 
 tuted of such supreme self-importance, that she 
 would not conceive it possible that anyone 
 could play her false.
 
 142 A SINNER'S SENTENCE 
 
 In another moment the Philistines were 
 upon us ! Vera had dashed the tears from 
 her eyes, and, plucky little girl that she was, 
 had pulled herself together very well. The 
 first couple that reached us were a man named 
 Copeland and the Miss Beauchamp I men- 
 tioned before. 
 
 Staring at us rudely through a monster 
 eyeglass, she gave a start of surprise, and 
 said : 
 
 'Mr. Clifford, indeed. You wicked man !' 
 and bhe playfully tapped me with her glasses. 
 ' But who is the incognita ?' 
 
 I drew myself up stiffly, and replied : 
 
 ' 1 don't understand you, Miss Beauchamp. 
 This lady here, Miss Marchmont, has been 
 good enough to show me her rendering of a 
 part in a little comedietta that she is familiar 
 with, and that we are talking of getting up. 
 May we count on you to help us ?' 
 
 ' Oh yes, do, Miss Beauchamp. There is
 
 A SINNER'S SENTENCE 143 
 
 one character that would suit you so well/ 
 joined in Vera, in quite a lively tone consider- 
 ing all things, taking my cue' as beautifully as 
 possible. 
 
 There had been, luckily for us, a talk of 
 attempting some theatricals, so our excuse 
 served very well ; but, of course, Vera, from 
 her dependent position, although treated very 
 well by everyone out of consideration for her, 
 and at Blanche's example and request, would 
 not have had much voice in the matter ; but 
 people have not always time to think of these 
 little inconsistencies in 'a fish story.' 
 
 The affair passed over for the time, and 
 that was a great point gained. Tide over the 
 crisis, and you have something to be thankful 
 for, for there is time then to study how to 
 avert the next catastrophe. Blanche kept up 
 her usual dignified attitude, as if the whole 
 thing were too trivial to be worth her 
 attention. Would she ever be capable of
 
 144 A SINNER'S SENTENCE 
 
 similar emotion ? would she ever break her 
 heart over a man ? I don't fancy so. 
 
 I evaded Blanche as well as I could for the 
 remainder of the evening, but the outspoken 
 free-and-easy Beauchamp girl got possession 
 of me, and said with laughing maliciousness : 
 
 ' Bravo ! mon ami ; very cleverly done in- 
 deed, but still wanting. Comedies are usually 
 played in drawing-rooms, not in the street 
 with the lady in the attitude of a Magdalen.' 
 
 ' Call it a tragedy then, if you would rather,' 
 I laughed ; ' but the incident was absurd 
 enough without being made more of. Will 
 you let it drop, for my sake ?'i 
 
 We had had some little love passages, so 
 I held out my hand, and gave her an eloquent 
 look that Blanche would by no means have 
 thought necessary, expressive as it was of 
 much admiration. Coquette as Marion was, 
 she dropped her eyes, and gently pressing 
 my hand, said in a very different tone, ' Yes.'
 
 A SINNER'S SENTENCE 145 
 
 Copeland, a cad, presently button -holed me 
 in the smoking-room. 
 
 ' I say, Clifford, dear boy, you looked 
 deucedly funny on the terrace to-night. Ha, 
 ha ! not sworn at Highgate, eh — prefer the maid 
 to the mistress ? What's your little game ?' 
 
 1 What the devil is that to you ?' 
 
 I spoke fiercely and abruptly, hoping to 
 put an end to this nuisance, but Copeland was 
 obtuse. 
 
 1 So it wasn't all gospel about the come- 
 dietta ? Well, the Marchmont is a jolly 
 little party.' 
 
 This was beyond forbearance, and I put 
 my foot down at once and sharply. I said 
 haughtily : 
 
 ' I am not in the habit of having my word 
 doubted, Copeland, and if you or anyone else 
 are inclined to do so, you had certainly better 
 not tell me to my face, or I won't answer for 
 the consequences.' 
 
 vol. 1. 10
 
 i 4 6 A SINNER'S SENTENCE 
 
 I turned on my heel, leaving him the 
 picture of blank astonishment. A friend of 
 mine told me he sat out the remainder of 
 the evening gasping indignantly to himself : 
 
 ' D n it, what next — d n it, can't chaff 
 
 a fellow about a pretty girl — d d con- 
 ceited ass — should like to punch his head !' 
 
 The next morning I had a summons to 
 Blanche's boudoir, whither I repaired in no 
 pleasant frame of mind, as I did not know 
 how she had taken my plausible explanation. 
 Was it fancy, or was she sitting in quite a 
 judicial attitude, awaiting the delinquent, 
 myself? "Well, for Vera's sake, I would eat 
 humble-pie. 
 
 She soon opened fire. 
 
 ' My dear Bertie, I have sent for you to 
 have a quiet talk about last night's occurrence, 
 which, I must own, rather annoyed me. Miss 
 Marchmont is gone to Mrs. Charrington's 
 room for me, so we can talk uninterruptedly.'
 
 A SINNER'S SENTENCE 147 
 
 1 Naturally, my dearest Blanche, I regret 
 it as much as you can, and the more so, 
 because it was very unfortunate for Miss 
 Marchmont, who was also involved in it.' 
 
 ' Never mind Miss Marchmont,' rejoined 
 my fiancee, with more asperity than her wont. 
 ' I should be glad if you would explain to 
 me again, and more particularly, how it 
 happened.' 
 
 ' Of course, Blanche, I shall be glad to do 
 so, in order to save myself and Miss March- 
 mont from any misconception.' 
 
 1 You seem more concerned about Miss 
 Marchmont than anything,' retorted Blanche 
 warmly. 
 
 Good heavens ! Can this be my Blanche, 
 usually so calm and self-contained ? Is it 
 possible that she has a heart, and more, that 
 she is actually condescending to let a bit of 
 it peep out ; that she is, in fact, suffering 
 from the vulgar bourgeois passion of jealousy, 
 
 10—2
 
 148 A SINNER'S SENTENCE 
 
 which she has often assured rue is impossible 
 to the cultivated and well regulated -mind ? 
 
 I tell her the whole story I have concocted 
 with a cool impudence that astonishes me. 
 I can bear the gaze of those calm steady orbs 
 without flinching ; but I could not tell little 
 honest bright-eyed Vera falsehoods with the 
 same equanimity. 
 
 I relate how I left the table, not feeling 
 well, and going on to the terrace in search of 
 fresh air, I had met Miss Marchmont, who 
 was on the same errand. Blanche must know 
 it had not been a rendezvous, or we should 
 hardly have chosen so public a try sting- place. 
 I could not resist the temptation of putting 
 this in to see the effect, and the result was 
 not flattering, for her eyes opened lazily to 
 their full extent, and she said, laughing the 
 while : 
 
 ' Why, Bertie, how could you think of 
 anything so absurd ! I hardly imagine it
 
 A SINNER'S SENTENCE 149 
 
 likely anyone would prefer Miss Marchmont's 
 society to my own, especially my affianced 
 husband ; or, if such an impossible thing did 
 happen, I think my friends here have sufficient 
 respect for me to put any recurrence of it out 
 of the question.' 
 
 ' But if such a supposition had occurred to 
 anyone else ?' 
 
 c There are always malicious people/ this in 
 the superior, lofty, didactic style, ' who take a 
 delight in scandal and backbiting, but I really 
 think we are above that kind of thing. Still, 
 it is annoying for you to have given anyone 
 an opportunity for calumny.' 
 
 I went on to say that, on meeting Miss 
 Marchmont, we had commenced a conversa- 
 tion on the subject of private theatricals. 
 She was enthusiastic, and insisted on showing 
 me how some star had rendered the title role 
 in a comedietta. I, of course, was interested, 
 and forgot the ludicrous figure we must have
 
 150 A SINNER'S SENTENCE 
 
 cut to outside beholders ; but this I only now 
 admitted in an offhand way, as who should 
 say it was not perfectly natural for conscious 
 virtue in the shape of a young and interesting 
 woman to be kneeling and almost bathing 
 with her tears the feet of a young man whose 
 moral character was — well, not what it ought 
 to have been. 
 
 Blanche listened to my story coldly, now 
 and again speaking with an inflection of 
 contempt in her voice, but what did it matter 
 to me ? I was looking forward to wronging 
 her deeply, and if she was living on in a fool's 
 paradise, why should I disturb it just for the 
 sake of losing my temper ? 
 
 Finally she said : ' Well, I must say it was 
 foolish of you to put yourself and Miss 
 Marchmont in such a position, and although 
 the circumstance is almost too trivial to be 
 worth mentioning, yet it is vexing for me 
 when you make yourself ridiculous, as, from
 
 A SINNER'S SENTENCE 151 
 
 our relationship, it partly reflects on me ; but 
 still I think I can trust to your discretion not 
 to repeat such a bStise.' 
 
 I hate being lectured, and I answered 
 sharply : 
 
 1 You may rely upon that, I can assure 
 you. . And really, Blanche, as we were quite 
 unintentionally to. blame in the matter, it is 
 not worth discussing further. I hope Miss 
 Marchmont has not experienced any incon- 
 venience or annoyance.' 
 
 ' It was most decidedly unwise of her,' 
 replied Blanche, ' to subject herself and you 
 to any chance of scandal, for it never seems 
 to have occurred to you what a supremely 
 silly thing you were doing ; and I have 
 thought it my duty to point out to her that 
 she was much in fault, and how she had 
 better avoid anything of the kind in future, 
 as her conduct was open to misconception with 
 anyone of less cool judgment than myself.'
 
 152 A SINNER'S SENTENCE 
 
 1 Don't be hard on her, Blanche, dearest,' 
 I urged ; ' she is only young, and has had a 
 good deal of trouble: it is different with me/ 
 
 Blanche looked at me with mild surprise, 
 and replied : 
 
 ' You certainly seem to take an extra- 
 ordinary interest in Miss Marchmont, which 
 I am quite unable to account for.' 
 
 ' Hang it all !' I said, losing my temper, 
 ' can't a fellow have charity enough to be 
 sorry for a girl in an awkward position ?' 
 
 ' Of course ' — this with admirable coolness ; 
 1 but I must say I never heard you urge the 
 claims of suffering humanity so strongly 
 before.' 
 
 Blanche's coolness is exasperating, but I 
 gulp down my rising temper, as I don't want 
 to betray the slightest indication that I care 
 for Vera. 
 
 1 No, Blanche darling, but you know I 
 have never had occasion to do so before, for
 
 A SINNER'S SENTENCE 153 
 
 you are so good to everyone about you. Let 
 us forget that this troublesome incident ever 
 had any existence. Come, dear, forgive me, 
 and let us be happy again with one another.' 
 
 So we gave ourselves up to what is 
 vulgarly known as spooning, and spent a 
 good part of the morning in that interesting 
 amusement — I hope to Blanche's satisfaction, 
 certainly not to mine. But I smoothed down 
 my ladyship's ruffled plumes, so what matter? 
 
 I met that confounded Lisette, Blanche's 
 maid, again. With the natural impudence of 
 a young and pretty girl, she stopped and 
 accosted me with an odd mixture of fun, 
 malice, and penetration peeping out of her 
 eye -corners. 
 
 ' Ah, monsieur, quel malheur, that you be 
 seen with Mees Marchmont ! and Mees Havi- 
 land si jalouse — jealous, you call it.' 
 
 ' Nonsense, Lisette, that is too absurd,' 1 
 replied airily and incredulously.
 
 154 A SINNER'S SENTENCE 
 
 1 Mais oui, monsieur,' retorted Lisette, with 
 emphasis, shaking her head ominously, and 
 then she vanished before I could even attempt 
 to secure her good offices.
 
 CHAPTER VIII. 
 
 Woodsleigh Towers— a month later. 
 
 My diary, my Father Confessor ! Peccavi ! 
 I have done it at last. My conscience feels 
 easier, though, in spite of the fact that Yera 
 is living under ' my protection.' Providence 
 has been good to me in another way, or shall 
 I say the devil has helped his own again ? 
 The end of my career unassisted by Blanche 
 Haviland's money was rapidly drawing near. 
 Bills and their renewals, a few injudicious 
 operations on 'Change, and ( dead snips ' on 
 the turf, besides an earnest and persevering 
 attempt generally to live beyond my means, 
 had done their work, and would, I should say,
 
 156 A SINNER'S SENTENCE 
 
 if persistently and prayerfully continued, play 
 havoc even with Rothschild or Vanderbilt 
 millions, so that my sun was in a fair way 
 to set, or be extinguished altogether, when 
 who should die quietly and unexpectedly but 
 my mother. 
 
 Peace to her ashes ! The property I in- 
 herited from her came in the nick of time 
 — it was monetary rehabilitation, just when I 
 needed it badly. My solicitor, who before 
 then would not advance me £50 in the world 
 — being so short of money — now might have 
 Pactolus itself flowing through his offices. 
 He finds me what I require cheerfully now, 
 doubtless thinking the quicker I get through 
 it, the sooner I shall want more, which means 
 mortgages and other pickings for him. But 
 revenons a nos moutons, or I shall spin this 
 narrative out to an interminable length. 
 
 Three days after I wrote last there was 
 another picnic excursion. Blanche, even after
 
 A SINNER'S SENTENCE 157 
 
 our reconciliation, had shown me marked cool- 
 ness, and I began to believe Lisette's story of 
 her jealousy. I asked her to accompany me, 
 but she declined in a way that ruffled my 
 dignity, and thinking her quite ignorant of any 
 wrong-doing on my part, I assumed the air 
 of injured innocence, and assured her of my 
 complete indifference. I laughingly declined 
 all invitations, and went out into the grounds 
 in a very bad temper, for I must own to a 
 shocking one at times. 
 
 I brightened up at the sight of Vera, whom 
 I saw approaching me, wrapped in thought, 
 and wearing a sad expression instead of her 
 usual bright, cheerful one. How I longed to 
 clasp her in my arms, and kiss away every 
 line that grief was causing in her face. 
 
 ' Mr. Clifford — Bertie !' she exclaimed with 
 a start, as I took her unresisting hands in 
 mine. She looked unutterably sad, and began 
 in mournful tones : 'Do forgive me for my
 
 1 58 A SINNER'S SENTENCE 
 
 unpardonable folly of the other night, which 
 has caused so much trouble !' 
 
 'Vera,' I interrupted fiercely, 'this is no 
 time for conventional apologies. Blanche has 
 not gone to Alclred's tower with the others, 
 but she is safe for a time. Go down the road 
 as if to the village, and meet me in the Hollow 
 Plantation. I will go there through the park. 
 But be careful of Lisette> although, after all, 
 it doesn't matter much if she does see \ t ou. 
 We must put an end to this. Not a word — 
 go at once !' 
 
 Something in my manner influenced her, 
 for she went obediently, and I started off too, 
 my mind a tumult of conflicting passions, 
 but my thoughts on the way took a definite 
 resolution. Vera must be mine at whatever 
 sacrifice. 
 
 With my mind preoccupied I sped along so 
 rapidly that, although I had nearly double the 
 distance to traverse, I reached the coppice
 
 A SINNER'S SENTENCE 159 
 
 first. No lovers' trysting- place, no con- 
 spirators' rendezvous, could have been better 
 adapted for our meeting. A belt of trees, 
 sufficiently bare of undergrowth to allow us 
 to detect anyone's approach, while thick, de- 
 tached bushes afforded us a screen, surrounded 
 a hollow, which had once been a pond, but 
 now was drained and dried up. Here two or 
 three felled and prostrate trees allowed the 
 tender, diffident maiden to sit by her lover, 
 and gradually nestle closer to his side, en- 
 circled by his protecting arm, while Venus 
 and Cupid looked on approvingly from the 
 heights of Olympus. 
 
 I had not long to wait before I could descry 
 Vera's petite figure stealing along, and in a 
 few moments she was clasped in my arms, 
 and weeping quietly and contentedly on my 
 shoulder. But it was no time for affectionate 
 toying, or the blandishments of lovers. 
 
 I gently disengaged her, and in tones in
 
 i6o A SINNER'S SENTENCE 
 
 whose vibrating intensity I hardly recognised 
 my own I began : 
 
 c Vera dearest, there is no time to lose. 
 First tell me your troubles.' 
 
 She needed no pressing — she had risen to 
 the occasion, and dried her tears. 
 
 ' Oh, Bertie ! it is nothing ; but ever since 
 that dreadful night Miss Haviland has been 
 so cold to me. She has not said as much, 
 but I know she distrusts me, and wants 
 to get rid of me ; and, dear ' — this tremu- 
 lously — ' I know it's foolish of me, but I 
 can't bear unkindness. Wherever I have 
 been I have always done my best, and no 
 one has been actually unkind to me before, 
 and I do feel it so much ! I'm sure Miss 
 Haviland knows you care for me, and 
 although she is perfectly just, I can feel I 
 am not wanted, and what is to become of me, 
 I don't know. I'm sure it isn't my fault. 
 I have tried to do my duty, and not take you
 
 A SINNER'S SENTENCE 161 
 
 away from her ; but, of course, she doesn't 
 know that, and I can't explain it — it would 
 only make matters worse.' 
 
 ' Vera,' I said masterfully, ' you must be 
 mine, and yet I tell you I must marry 
 Blanche Haviland, or I shall be ruined, and 
 not able to help you or myself!' 
 
 ' It cannot be — it is impossible !' she said 
 despairingly. 
 
 I had to make my meaning clearer, hard as 
 it was to bring shame to that little face I 
 loved so dearly — scoundrel that I felt, but 
 there was no help for it. 
 
 ' Bertie, you know what you are proposing 
 to me,' Vera said, in a low voice, crimsoning 
 as she spoke ; ' you are asking me to consent 
 to my own shame and misery.' 
 
 ' I swear to you, Vera,' I interrupted, ' that 
 
 it is with no selfish desire such as that, that I 
 
 want you to be my own. I claim the right to 
 
 protect you, and watch over you in your 
 
 vol. i. 11
 
 162 A SINNER'S SENTENCE 
 
 troubles, because I love you as if you were 
 a part of myself. Listen to me : I will not 
 seek to plead my cause by the usual sophis- 
 tries about marriage being merely a conven- 
 tional tie, and not so necessary to happiness 
 as mutual affection, but I will ask you to 
 trust me.' 
 
 ' But you would get tired of me, you would 
 cast me off, and then there would be no hope ; 
 and deprived of you, I should go mad.' 
 
 1 Vera,' I interposed passionately, ' you have 
 known me some time. Do you think I am 
 the sort of man to let you starve or go to the 
 dogs in the way you think ? Supposing I 
 were to cease to care for you, as you say, do 
 you think so badly of me as to suppose I 
 should turn you away homeless and friendless, 
 with no resource but the workhouse or the 
 river ?' 
 
 ' No, I don't think that of you ; you know 
 I don't,' she answered earnestly, as she nestled
 
 A SINNER'S SENTENCE 163 
 
 up to me with a little confiding motion that 
 set my blood on fire to protect her against all 
 the world. 
 
 4 1 know I ought to be bitterly ashamed of 
 asking you, and neither is it fit for you to be 
 here listening to such proposals as I have to 
 make ; but you can understand how the cir- 
 cumstances justify them — in some measure, at 
 least. My Vera, how can I see you go away 
 from me, out into the dark, cold, unkind 
 world, that worships nothing but the golden 
 calf; and you — you poor little waif, to be 
 knocked and buffeted about, meeting with 
 fresh troubles on every hand, while here, 
 darling, you have a safe resting-place, if you 
 will only trust me ; for do you think if my 
 love for you faded — do you think I would be 
 unkind to you ? Look into my eyes, and 
 answer me truly/ 
 
 ' No,' she said, dropping her eyes under my 
 ardent glance ; ' and you know I would trust 
 
 11—2
 
 164 A SINNER'S SENTENCE 
 
 you, for I love you ; but think what you are 
 asking me to do — think of the sacrifice. It is 
 nothing for you — it is an achievement even for 
 a man to betray an innocent, trusting girl — but 
 with me it is my whole life that will be tainted , 
 for my character is my only possession.' 
 
 1 Vera, my darling/ I said in desperation, 
 1 you shall not say that ! you shall not say 
 yours is the only sacrifice ! I will show you 
 what I will risk to win you. I will put my 
 honour — nay, more, my liberty — in your 
 hands. We will go to some quiet out-of-the- 
 way place, and be married in assumed names. 
 Then, when I marry Blanche, I shall have 
 committed bigamy, the punishment for which 
 is serious. You alone will be possessed of the 
 secret ; and if I prove faithless, you will be 
 able to revenge yourself on Blanche, as well as 
 myself. I will risk this gladly for your dear 
 sake/ 
 
 Vera made a moue of such intense disgust
 
 A SINNER'S SENTENCE 165 
 
 that I smiled, in spite of the gravity of the 
 situation. 
 
 ' So, knowing you to be my own lawful 
 husband,' she said, ; I am to look on com- 
 placently, and see you go to the arms of 
 another woman, to bestow on her the kisses 
 that are my right, and never to know but that 
 my rival might be weaning your affection from 
 me ! What a prospect, Bertie !' and her eyes 
 filled with tears. 
 
 1 Vera,' I answered, shrugging my shoulders, 
 1 one cannot have everything in this world. 
 In the one case, you would have part of 
 my life and all my love ; in the other, 
 neither. Choose, and let your love speak for 
 me/ 
 
 I was discussing the question now calmly 
 and dispassionately, as if it was quite an every- 
 day matter for a girl to be bartering away her 
 honour. I paused, not for want of language, 
 but to leave the question to her judgment,
 
 1 66 A SINNER'S SENTENCE 
 
 having backed up my words by all the elo- 
 quence that loving, pleading looks afford. 
 
 After a few seconds, Vera answered with 
 passionate energy : 
 
 ' I think I could bear it better for Blanche 
 to be your wife. If I knew you were really 
 my husband, I should want to come and tear 
 you away from her arms whenever I knew you 
 were with her.' Then she faltered, ' As — your 
 — mistress, I should have to be humble and 
 thankful for whatever love and kindness you 
 bestowed on me.' 
 
 4 Vera dearest,' I remonstrated, 'you know 
 my love is all yours ; you know I shall grudge 
 every moment spent away from you and with 
 Blanche. I must pretend enough affection to 
 prevent her thinking our marriage is absolutely 
 repugnant to me ; but you know that every 
 loving word I say to her will be addressed to 
 you in my heart. And, my darling,' I said, 
 clasping her in my arms, and looking straight
 
 A SINNER'S SENTENCE 167 
 
 down into her shining eyes, ' you have known 
 me long enough to judge ! Have you ever 
 heard of my being guilty of any mean, con- 
 temptible action ? Do you think I would turn 
 a dog from my door if it loved me ? and could 
 I find it in my heart to be unkind to you, my 
 little precious Vera ? But if you will, I will 
 marry you first, if you mistrust me. Speak, 
 my dearest, and let me know your decision. 
 Will you accept my offer ?' 
 
 ' Bertie, my one and only love,' she 
 answered, looking up at me with clear and 
 penetrating eyes, ' it is noble and generous of 
 you to make it ; but why should I be the 
 cause of your committing a crime? I love 
 you, my darling — I trust you, and I will give 
 myself to you. I shall be guilty of a great 
 sin ; and if I am punished for it, God help me ! 
 But promise me, my love — promise me that if 
 you grow tired of me, you will not add un- 
 kindness to faithlessness — that you will not
 
 168 . A SINNER'S SENTENCE 
 
 abandon me to complete despair. I trust you 
 completely ; let me not trust you in vain !' 
 
 1 Vera, whatever may happen, I swear to you 
 that you shall never be left homeless or penni- 
 less ; that, if we are parted, it shall be my care 
 to provide for your wants to the utmost of my 
 ability. ' 
 
 ' Kiss me, Bertie,' she replied fondly, ' my 
 darling, my husband ; for I belong to you from 
 this moment as surely as if the benediction 
 had just been pronounced over us.' 
 
 ' Vera,' I said solemnly, ' I am yours, and 
 you are indeed mine, and never shall you have 
 reason to repent your trust in me, or may 
 God Himself remember it against me in the 
 hour of my need !' 
 
 Vera was a woman of no common mould, 
 and curious as it may strike anyone, I feel no 
 sense of shame as I write these pages ; I am 
 convinced I did what was right. 
 
 This is a very wicked and improbable story,
 
 A SINNER'S SENTENCE 169 
 
 isn't it ? but then you see the worst of it is 
 that it all happened. I did not begin to 
 chronicle the doings of characters that move 
 like puppets, and do nothing but give utter- 
 ance to pretty moral copy-book aphorisms, 
 and generally behave like the good boy in the 
 children's books. I wanted to paint the life of 
 real flesh and blood, men and women, creatures 
 of passion and impulse, sinful maybe, but of 
 strong vitality, not of the pallid propriety that 
 shapes life by rule and line, and by narrow 
 boundaries of prejudice and ' what people w T ill 
 think.' Easy it is for these pattern people to 
 escape sin. 
 
 Of course the bigamy was a coup de main, 
 and although I was desperate enough to have 
 committed even that deed — and why not ? 
 for dual existences and a plurality of wives are 
 alarmingly common nowadays — I was very 
 glad to abandon the idea when its necessity 
 no longer existed.
 
 i7o A SINNER'S SENTENCE 
 
 It seemed like bathos to come down from the 
 heavenly exaltation of love, and the feverish 
 excitement of our feelings, to discuss the petty 
 details of everyday life, and of such unromantic 
 but indispensable questions as where to live, 
 and what to eat and drink ; but it had to be 
 done. Yera, poor little girl, had very modest 
 ideas on the subject of housekeeping, and seemed 
 to consider my proposals as reckless pro- 
 digality. I was relieved a good deal at this, 
 for I was not in a position to support her en 
 prince, but then she repeated now and again, 
 ' What do I want, dearest, but you ? I could do 
 without everything, if I only had you always 
 with me.' And I was obliged to confess that 
 that was just the one thing I should be able to 
 give her the least of. 
 
 Our plans were soon arranged. Mrs. 
 Vaughan would know nothing of her where- 
 abouts, and Vera was alone in the world with 
 this exception, so that no one could interfere
 
 A SINNER'S SENTENCE 171 
 
 with us. She was to have the fictitious offer 
 of another situation, and, pleading as an 
 excuse Miss Haviland's approaching marriage, 
 was to ask to be allowed to leave at once, and 
 this permission we had no doubt would be 
 readily given. Then, armed with a wedding- 
 ring, Yera was to betake herself to a little 
 quiet country place I knew of, Edenford by 
 name, and giving out that she was the wife of 
 a professional man in town, and had come there 
 -for the benefit of her health, was to establish 
 herself as comfortably as our circumstances 
 allowed. 
 
 The rest was left to me, and with many 
 assurances of undying affection we separated 
 after several passionate embraces, which we 
 promised ourselves to renew as soon as ever 
 our plans were fulfilled. I made my way back 
 to the Towers, keeping a sharp look-out for 
 Lisette, who, after the manner of her class, in- 
 stinctively smelt out and enjoyed an intrigue.
 
 172 A SINNER'S SENTENCE 
 
 Everything worked smoothly after this. 
 Vera alleged the reasons we had decided on, 
 and Blanche was at heart, I firmly believe, 
 glad to see the last of her, and treated her 
 very handsomely in the matter of salary. My 
 timely inheritance provided the sinews of war 
 for Yera's setting out and establishment, as 
 well as the modest outfit I had to insist on her 
 providing for herself ; and, through the death 
 of my mother, I can be sure of her having a 
 moderate competence, and she need have no 
 anxiety for the future. 
 
 Blanche has become more amiable since 
 Yera's departure, and now I am only seeking 
 a decent pretext to get away for a few days 
 to enjoy the heaven of first possessing my 
 darling all to myself, for she has written to 
 say she is comfortable and happy and longing 
 to see me. I wonder if Lisette can exercise 
 any surveillance over the letter-bag — that girl 
 is capable of anything.
 
 A SINNER'S SENTENCE 173 
 
 I had almost forgotten to mention to you, 
 my father confessor, who, if you don't give 
 me absolution, at least have the merit of never 
 admonishing me, a letter which reached me the 
 other day, and which was more interesting 
 than agreeable. I do like a liaison, when it is 
 ended, to be ended in reality, and not to be 
 turning up again like an unquiet spirit. 
 When you put Finis to your pages, you know 
 they are done; when you do by any chance 
 pay a bill, you feel certain you will not be 
 dunned for it again ; but with women — kittle 
 cattle indeed — it is very different. Why on 
 earth should a flirtation, indulged in to dissi- 
 pate the ennui of your villeggiatura, not end 
 where your excursion left off, and not come 
 and haunt you afterwards ? 
 
 Mrs. Nelson, my ami du coeur at sea, was 
 splendid pour passer le temps ; but as a possible 
 wife, when I have two candidates for that 
 undesirable post already on my hands, she is
 
 174 A SINNER'S SENTENCE 
 
 decidedly de trop, to say the least of it. 
 The letter only came yesterday, forwarded on 
 from my chambers with a batch of bills and 
 dunning letters, that have as much effect on 
 me as a bandillera on the carapace of a 
 pachyderm, or the hail from a Gatling on the 
 ironclad sides of H. M.S. Inflexible. 
 This is it. 
 
 'R.M.S. Svendoolah, off Gravesend. 
 
 'My dear Mr. Clifford, 
 
 'You will hardly have forgotten, though 
 no doubt you will be very much surprised ' 
 ('very ' indeed, and some Saxon expressions 
 yclept unparliamentary were my comment as I 
 read it) ' to hear from me. My poor husband 
 — but you will see from the enclosed cutting 
 the details I have not fortitude to write — has 
 been taken from me. 
 
 ' I am not writing to ask charity at your 
 hands, for I have friends who will keep me
 
 A SINNER'S SENTENCE 175 
 
 from absolute want ; but you were betrayed 
 into saying when we were together that you 
 had a regard for me deeper than friendship, 
 and I have hoped since my great misfortune, 
 and the consequent change in my position 
 towards you, that you would be disposed to 
 carry out some of the sentiments you ex- 
 pressed to me, when it was out of the question 
 for me to listen to them. Will you grant me 
 an interview, so that I can explain myself 
 better ? You know my address in town. 
 Remember, I count on you. 
 
 ' In haste (the boat is just leaving), believe 
 me, 
 
 4 Your affectionate friend, 
 
 ' Gladys Nelson.' 
 
 Voila the cutting from the Natal Mercury : 
 
 ' We deeply regret to hear that authentic 
 intelligence has reached Potchefstroom which 
 leaves no doubt as to the fate of the Rev.
 
 176 A SINNER'S SENTENCE 
 
 Ambrose Nelson. After his capture lie was 
 kept prisoner for a week, but the 'Tchacha 
 tribe seem to have become exasperated by 
 their defeat near Pietermaritzburg, and on the 
 16th he was executed after being tortured for 
 two hours. The unfortunate fate of this 
 gentleman will cause a thrill of horror 
 throughout Christendom, and supplies the 
 strongest argument for what we have always 
 so consistently advocated — the complete sub- 
 jugation of Zululand. It is impossible to 
 avoid paying a sincere tribute to the bravery 
 and self-abnegation of Mr. Nelson, while we 
 cannot but grievously deplore the almost 
 reckless manner in which he risked his life in 
 penetrating into the Tchacha territory in spite 
 of urgent and repeated warnings of the danger. 
 We understand that Mrs. Nelson, who is com- 
 pletely prostrated by the sad event, and who 
 has our deepest sympathy, will shortly leave 
 for England.'
 
 A SINNER'S SENTENCE 177 
 
 Poor Boanerges ! When I remember the 
 simple-minded, single-hearted man, who was 
 of the stuff martyrs are made of, who would 
 have stepped into the breach as cheerfully as 
 Marcus Curtius, and who would have trodden 
 in the footsteps of his great Master, and sacri- 
 ficed himself for others, saying : ' Father, 
 forgive them ; for they know not what they 
 do,' my mind pays a deep and involuntary 
 reverence to his memory, the more so when I 
 reflect on my own life, and think what good 
 
 he did to mankind, while I Alas ! the 
 
 subject will not bear contemplation. How 
 little she was worthy of him ! but then I was 
 to blame for that, and 'Judge not, that ye be 
 not judged,' and ' People who live in glass 
 houses should never throw stones,' have been 
 two of my guiding principles in life. 
 
 But the letter, dest une autre chose. Its sweet 
 simplicity, its guardedness, its euphemism — 
 1 betrayed into,' etc., is superb, when Hannen 
 
 VOL. I. 12
 
 178 A SINNER'S SENTENCE 
 
 might have had a say in the matter — and 
 above all, its careful foisting on to my 
 shoulders of the ' sentiments ' that I had to 
 endure ad nauseam when the time came for us 
 to part, are beyond all praise — i.e., in a 
 comedy, or at someone else's expense, but 
 in corpore vili are most damnably embar- 
 rassing. 
 
 Is Nemesis, after all these years, remem- 
 bering my existence, that I become the prey 
 instead of the hunter ? Why did Boanerges 
 get ' chawed up ' just at this time, and leave a 
 young and able-bodied woman to come back 
 to England with designs upon me ? Nay 
 more, she is evidently hurrying home, trusting 
 my infatuation, as she thinks, has not cooled, 
 and that I shall jump at the chance of taking 
 her to my arms and making her Mrs. Clifford. 
 I never could be hard on a woman, but she 
 has some unpleasant truths to learn, sugar- 
 coat them how I will ; but I shirk the meet-
 
 A SINNER'S SENTENCE 179 
 
 ing, and write her a diplomatic letter express- 
 ing my great sorrow, but pointing out in 
 unmistakable terms that the little arrange - 
 ment she has planned in les chateaux en 
 Espagne is quite out of the question, and that 
 the interview she seeks could do no possible 
 good. 
 
 12—2
 
 CHAPTER IX. 
 
 I have glimpsed paradise — I have been with 
 Vera. The union of souls is so heavenly 
 that one is tempted to ask why it is in this 
 world that the consummation of mutual affec- 
 tion that we call marriage cannot always 
 remain blissful. Why should squalling babies, 
 abnormally heavy bills for dresses and 
 millinery, just to out-do that odious Mrs. 
 Parvenu, who lives on the other side of the 
 road, and the consequent squabbles — why 
 should they be necessary concomitants of 
 matrimony ? Is it not, and I ask in all 
 humility, that Angelina before marriage will 
 persist in putting the best face on herself, and
 
 A SINNER'S SENTENCE 181 
 
 turning the best side outwards ? She repre- 
 sents that she is economical, that she can cook 
 divinely, that she will be content with any- 
 thing if she can only have her Edwin ; while 
 he winks at, nay, even teaches her extrava- 
 gance, and shows himself the most amiable of 
 created mortals under all possible trials, so 
 that these two, when the first strangeness of 
 possession has worn off, begin to exhibit their 
 natural foibles, which accord as well together 
 as oil and water, and fit like my Hobbs' patent 
 latchkey in an old-fashioned mortice lock. 
 The path of the eligible bachelor is so smooth 
 for him, the outlook is made so fair. Angelina's 
 praises are constantly sung by her mother, 
 who is anxious to see her settled, and by her 
 younger sisters, who are only awaiting her 
 exodus to make their own debut, and the 
 companionship of every day reveals a million 
 blemishes on both sides that have been kept 
 as dark as the manoeuvring mother and the
 
 1 82 A SINNER'S SENTENCE 
 
 erring bachelor on probation could keep 
 them. 
 
 I have been experiencing love in a cottage, 
 that delightful Arcadia, that while it lasts 
 is inimitable — no responsibilities, no unruly 
 servants, and no tax-collector or duns. After 
 the modest quarters in which Vera has in- 
 stalled herself the splendours of Woodsleigh 
 Towers are an unmitigated nuisance ; but I 
 have savoir vivre enough to know that that 
 same love in a cottage, in rainy weather, and 
 without Mudie, decent cookery, and sundry 
 other essentials, is the biggest fraud in this 
 or any other century. And yet, while the 
 illusion lasts, find me another source of 
 happiness to touch it. Love indeed gilds 
 the surroundings ; the poet might well write, 
 * For love is heaven, and heaven is love ' ; and 
 for pure unadulterated bliss, the genuine 
 article, commend me to this. 
 
 What greater pleasure can a man enjoy —
 
 A SINNER'S SENTENCE 183 
 
 for a season — than to minister to the slightest 
 wish of the woman he loves ; and who obeys 
 the smallest behest of her lord, and antici- 
 pates his little weaknesses — his slippers ready, 
 and his claret at just the correct temperature 
 — better than the little wife in the days when 
 love's young dream has attained fulfilment, 
 and as yet domestic worries, mayhap the res 
 angustce domi, have not assumed the un- 
 pleasant prominence that they do afterwards 
 in ninety -nine cases out of a hundred. I 
 suppose it must be so out of Utopia, so let 
 us be logical and imitate the professor, who, 
 struggling with flint and steel, and too 
 rational - minded to swear at the articles 
 themselves, exclaimed : ' Damn the nature 
 of things !' 
 
 Just now circumstances smile upon us. 
 I am relieved from anxiety about money 
 matters, at all events, for the present. Vera 
 is so sweet that I love her, if possible, more
 
 i8 4 A SINNER'S SENTENCE 
 
 than when we were harassed by our former 
 troubles, and I find myself thinking that if I 
 were to die, or be doomed to misery in this 
 world for the remainder of my life, the 
 memory of these happy days would bear 
 me cheerfully through it. Vain thought ! 
 happiness sought at an unworthy source like 
 this brings its own punishment and wretched- 
 ness sooner or later that will not be denied ; 
 and though 1 cannot and will not foresee the 
 shadows that must inevitably fall on us both, 
 my conscience — fancy Don Juan with a con- 
 science ! — reminds me of the Americanized 
 version of the aphorism, 'The mills of God 
 grind slowly, but they pulverize middling- 
 fine. ' 
 
 At present the only cloud on our horizon is 
 Blanche, and what a relief it is to be rid 
 of the Gorgon, as we playfully style her ! 
 Edenford well deserves its name. Picturesque, 
 without overawing grandeur, the surrounding
 
 A SINNER'S SENTENCE 185 
 
 country is an ideal retreat for lovers who are 
 all in all to one another. Lovely glades, 
 where soft breezes penetrate the foliage of the 
 numerous trees, and gentle hills, surrounded 
 with shady winding walks, furnished with 
 rustic seats, give an agreeable change from 
 the sensuous languor that overtakes us in the 
 valleys below, where little rippling streams 
 play a melodious accompaniment to my beloved 
 one's accents, tenderly whispering words of 
 endearment, for true love is always gentle and 
 diffident, and never loud-voiced or assertive. 
 We spend hours like this, talking of our 
 hopes and feelings and plans, until our two 
 natures seem indissolubly welded the one 
 within the other. 
 
 The heaven above us is blue, the birds sing 
 merrily, and we are free to enjoy our inter- 
 course undisturbed, for Edenford is not in- 
 vaded by the rude tripper, or the valetudi- 
 narian, or the tourist. Add to this the
 
 186 A SINNER'S SENTENCE 
 
 romance of our position, the love- light that 
 gilds the daily lite of anyone impressionable, 
 picture to yourself my exceeding happiness, 
 and then join with me in sympathizing with 
 the Oriental who pictures heaven as a zenana 
 of never-tiring, moon-faced houris. 
 
 But I forbear — I try hard to be cynical as 
 I write, and not sentimental. Picture me the 
 blase man about town rejoicing in the country, 
 picking wild- flowers, splashing water, and 
 pelting Vera with wild roses with almost 
 childish delight. Love is a magician — the 
 ancients might well deify it. It transforms 
 our cottage — it is little more — into a bower of 
 seraphic happiness not to be found or dreamt 
 of in the wicked West End ; it renders palat- 
 able cookery that I should complain of to the 
 house committee at any club, and generally 
 makes a life I should have thought the very 
 essence of ennui a dream of otherwise un- 
 approachable ecstasy.
 
 A SINNER'S SENTENCE 187 
 
 But the greater the happiness, the sooner it 
 palls, and the greater the abstention, the 
 greater the enjoyment ; so let reason step in, 
 and let me hie back to Woodsleigh to keep in 
 touch with events there, and, perad venture too 
 late, rescue letters that may have fallen under 
 the censorship of the crafty Lisette. 
 
 Poor little Vera ! the parting was terrible, 
 in spite of all my protestations, and her last 
 words drowned in tears at home, for she 
 would not accompany me to the station, were, 
 ' Oh, Bertie, I can't spare you ; it is cruel of 
 you to leave me.' 
 
 ' Nonsense, Vera,' I replied, trying, and not 
 altogether successfully, to preserve my own 
 composure; 'you know it must be, and you 
 cannot doubt me, dearest.' 
 
 ' No, my darling,' and she clung to me ; 
 ' you will come back to me now, but I think 
 of the time when you will go away just like
 
 1 88 A SINNER'S SENTENCE 
 
 this, and you will not return ; when as each 
 day passes without you, I shall grow more 
 and more wretched, hoping against hope, until 
 at last the bitter truth forces itself on my 
 mind that I shall see you no more.' 
 
 'No, Yera, that day shall never come!' I 
 exclaimed passionately, affected in spite of 
 myself; ' you have trusted me so far, and you 
 shall never, never repent it.' 
 
 ' Promise me, darling,' she replied, turning 
 her tearful eyes straight up into mine as if she 
 would read my very soul — ' promise me 
 solemnly, as you love me now, that when you 
 are tired of me, when the time comes for us to 
 part, you will not write to me loving words 
 while you mean to betray me. Tell me 
 frankly the cruel truth — it will be mercy 
 really, for suspense would be agonizing. 
 Promise to tell me the worst.' 
 
 i My dearest,' I replied, looking at her as I 
 might face a juge d ^instruction , ' I will contem-
 
 A SINNER'S SENTENCE 189 
 
 plate such a possibility, and promise you 
 sincerely not to deceive you. I speak ear- 
 nestly and briefly because you have too much 
 sense to be reassured by honeyed and empty 
 phraseology. Can you read truth in my 
 eyes ?' 
 
 i Yes, Bertie, I can ; and even now, in the 
 glamour of love, I can judge dispassionately, 
 and I believe — I know you will be true to 
 your word.' 
 
 4 Vera darling, and more than that, the day 
 that you fear is far off. Consider how, com- 
 pelled to leave you at intervals as I shall be, 
 there is no chance of our experiencing that 
 satiety that must come to those, even who 
 love most truly, who are always together. 
 My affection, untrammelled as it is, will wear 
 far better than that that is worn and stretched 
 by daily and hourly intercourse. Love will 
 bind me to you far more effectually than the 
 knowledge that I was compelled to live with
 
 i 9 o A SINNER'S SENTENCE 
 
 you. Be brave, dearest one, and bear in mind 
 what I have not told you before, and that is 
 that I have settled on you all that I could 
 save from the wreck after my mother's death, 
 and that with an income of over a hundred 
 and fifty per annum you are saved from any 
 actual monetary want.' 
 
 'This is too kind of yon, you are too 
 generous. 1 feel as if I would rather not 
 have had it — I would rather have trusted to 
 your generosity. Why did you do this ?' 
 
 ' It was only bare justice on my part,' I 
 replied ; and then continued playfully, ' but 
 you will have to be economical, for remember 
 I am coming to share it with you sometimes. 
 So courage, darling, for I must leave you 
 now.' 
 
 ' Bertie,' she answered in indescribably 
 yearning tones, c oh, if only I had you ! — I 
 don't want the money, but it is like your dear 
 self to give it me ; I shall save it all for you.
 
 A SINNER'S SENTENCE 191 
 
 I will cheer up. Good-bye, darling, my own, 
 good-bye.' 
 
 And so I left her, after seeing that she was 
 well provided with books, for Edenford boasted 
 a circulating library wherein Miss Braddon, 
 Rhoda Broughton, Jane Worboise, and others 
 of that ilk ran riot, and I also induced her to 
 buy painting materials and fancy work, for a 
 man's mind is comprehensive enough to grasp 
 feminine details, and I laughingly said she 
 must work for our future home. I was the 
 more anxious for her to have employment, as 
 I could not safely counsel her to make any 
 friends, for, living a quiet retired life, she 
 would escape those shafts of feminine malice, 
 and that innate and persevering curiosity 
 which is a part of the daughters of Eve every- 
 where, but which attains its maximum in a 
 quiet country place. So when the inevitable 
 ubiquitous clergyman called, by my advice 
 Vera gave him a courteous but cool reception,
 
 192 A SINNER'S SENTENCE 
 
 and declined to be drawn in anyway what- 
 ever. 
 
 I went back to Woodsleigh Towers after 
 this, and did my best to endure Blanche Havi- 
 land and her w r ays ; but it was not a success, 
 for I was pining to be back with my little 
 Vera, so, pleading the business of family 
 matters, after a decent interval, I girded up 
 my loins, and made my way back here in a 
 fever of love's impatience. Things seemed 
 to have gone smoothly at Woodsleigh, and 
 Blanche apparently had no inkling of my past 
 whereabouts or occupation. I hated the 
 deceit, but contented myself with the thread- 
 bare reflection that ' all's fair in love and 
 war !' 
 
 Arriving at Edenford, Vera was awaiting 
 me on the platform, her face aglow T with 
 delight, and she blushingly whisj^ered to me, 
 as we walked from the station, in accents of 
 intense pleasure :
 
 A SINNER'S SENTENCE 193 
 
 1 Oh, Bertie, I am so glad to see you again ! 
 It is worth all the pain of separation to enjoy 
 the divine happiness of having you to myself 
 again.' 
 
 The days have passed only too rapidly, 
 united as we are, and our happiness is so 
 serene and tranquil that there is nothing to 
 tell about it beyond that Vera confided to 
 me that she had had a lover. He was a 
 farmer, and had seen and admired her, and 
 from one letter to her at Wooclsleigh, which 
 I quote in extenso, it will be seen what a 
 modest, simple, honest, bucolic suitor he was. 
 
 1 Mr dear Miss Vera, 
 
 i You must be aware how much I 
 admire and respect you, and I am writing 
 to ask if you will allow me to pay my 
 addresses to you. I should like to have 
 done so in person, but I am afraid lest 
 you should be ashamed of me amongst 
 
 vol. 1. 13
 
 i 9 4 A SINNER'S SENTENCE 
 
 all the grand people where you are now. 
 Believe me, Miss Vera, that I love you with 
 all my heart, and though I am but a rough 
 country chap, I would do my best to make 
 you happy, and I am well enough off that 
 you should never need soil your hands with 
 work. I humbly ask your pardon if I am too 
 presumptuous, but I love you so much that I 
 must know my fate. I shall never love any- 
 one else, and if you will only accept me, you 
 will make the happiest man in Christendom of 
 1 Your devoted servant, 
 
 1 Matthew Simpson.' 
 
 Vera, of course — cela va sans dire — had not 
 accepted him, and I have had many a laugh 
 at his expense, while she, good little girl that 
 she is, will not join me, as she respects any- 
 thing or anybody who is sincere. For myself, 
 I always think life is dull enough, so vive la 
 bagatelle, and if I could see a comic side to a 
 passing funeral, I would avail myself of the
 
 A SINNER'S SENTENCE 195 
 
 opportunity for amusement, though I would 
 be careful not to wound anyone's feelings. 
 
 In this instance, Mr. Matthew Simpson was 
 far away, and unconscious of my persiflage, so 
 why not let us make merry over him while 
 we can ? I have no cause to fear any rivalry. 
 Matthew is six feet high, so Vera says, broad 
 and strapping, with a red weather-beaten 
 countenance and a most unromantic exterior, 
 while his ideas rarely soar above the price of 
 wheat and the welfare of his stock. Vera 
 would have been as a skylark might feel 
 chained to a log. I am sorry for him. 
 Driving sheep or cursing hinds would be 
 but small distraction to me from unrequited 
 affection, and these are the only consolations 
 his life offers. Just fancy living on a farm 
 with nothing to occupy your thoughts, and 
 having your blighted heart to yourself all the 
 day through ! 
 
 My pleasant lotus -eating existence and 
 
 13—2
 
 196 A SINNER'S SENTENCE 
 
 love's dalliance with Vera were interrupted 
 at last by a letter couched in menacing and 
 peremptory terms from Gladys Nelson. De- 
 cidedly this must be put an end to. The idea 
 of a woman's bullying me is too ridiculous. 
 I have not compromised her reputation, or 
 blotted her fair fame, at least in the world's 
 eyes, and why should I be looked on as a sort 
 of refuge for the troublesome destitute ? No ; 
 if the silken glove failed in its work, I must 
 reveal the iron hand beneath, and put an end 
 once for all to Mrs. Nelson's }3retensions. I 
 had nearly forgotten her, and her claims upon 
 me as a pretty and friendless woman are of 
 the slightest. Good heavens ! if every woman 
 who was or had been eprise with me wanted to 
 marry me, I should have to make tracks for 
 Salt Lake City. Absurd ! I, who could not 
 support myself, to marry a penniless woman, 
 and one who, when our liaison was invested 
 with the cloak of sanctity of marriage, might
 
 A SINNER'S SENTENCE 197 
 
 very possibly return to her old rdle, and waste 
 the money I wrested from the tribes of Judah 
 on charity and the heathen, and such-like 
 uninteresting but voracious objects. 
 
 So I wrote quietly, but firmly, intimating 
 that Mrs. Nelson was mistaken when she 
 thought it possible for me to fall in with 
 her views, but as she wished it so much, I 
 would meet her by appointment and explain 
 the circumstances. She replied promptly, 
 making the appointment at my chambers, an 
 impudent thing in itself, which appeared to 
 me like an attempt to entangle me in a 
 scene that might compromise her, and so 
 leave only one course open to me — to marry 
 her. But I am so fully determined that I will 
 see her — well, at the bottom of the sea first, 
 that I do not fear the issue, and to-morrow I 
 leave my Yera, and go up to town with a 
 light heart to suppress la veuve Nelson and 
 her matrimonial projects upon me.
 
 CHAPTER X. 
 
 Now the very fiend take that woman ! 
 Would it had been her instead of the good 
 Boanerges that the Zulus had cremated piece- 
 meal, vivisected, or banqueted off. Mrs. 
 Nelson was not to be suppressed in the gay 
 and airy manner I imagined, and she has 
 developed an alarming strength of character 
 since her husband's death. 
 
 Things are going to be rather unpleasant 
 for me, and I am devoutly thankful I 
 always drew myself as a roue in the darkest 
 colours to Blanche Haviland, hoping that she 
 might find a few redeeming points that she 
 would cherish and make much of, like the one
 
 A SINNER'S SENTENCE 199 
 
 lost sheep. Mi\<. Nelson threatens, and is 
 quite capable of it, to go to Blanche and 
 enlighten her as to the ' sympathetic friend- 
 ship ' we formed on board ship. So I de- 
 scribed it to Blanche in a light nonchalant 
 way. What good Mrs. Nelson will do is 
 hard to say, except to gratify her revenge, 
 and I anticipate considerable amusement from 
 the reception she is likely to get. May I be 
 there to see ! 
 
 This was what happened at my chambers. 
 I was sitting waiting for her, and while sooth- 
 ing my nerves with seltzer aud cognac, I was 
 seriously deliberating whether I had better 
 not have gone unshaved for two or three days, 
 and put on my oldest clothes, so as to make 
 myself as unattractive and dissipated looking 
 as possible, when, punctual to a minute, Mrs. 
 Nelson arrived. 
 
 She made a theatrical entry with a little cry 
 of joy, and a rush forward to throw herself
 
 200 A SINNER'S SENTENCE 
 
 into my arms, which I very carefully evaded, 
 and bowing coldly, planted her in a chair. 
 
 She certainly looked very nice, dressed for 
 her part evidently, and the hideous widow's 
 weeds were not too obtrusive. She reminded 
 me of an advertisement of Jay's — a picture 
 in which there is a young and lovely widow, 
 who looks as if she need not remain so 
 long. 
 
 Nerved for the interview and charged with 
 an impulsive flow of words — I had nearly 
 said gush — Mrs. Nelson began : 
 
 L Bertie ! — I may call you so now — aren't 
 you glad to see me ?' 
 
 ' Oh yes,' I answered politely, but not with 
 striking warmth or effusion. 
 
 She did not give me time to say any more, 
 but hurried on pleadingly : 
 
 ' Come and sit beside me, do, just for the 
 sake of old times. You are almost the only 
 friend I have now, and I want to have you
 
 A SINNER'S SENTENCE 201 
 
 near me, to feel your presence, and to know 
 that I have someone to protect me. I want 
 to lose my sense of loneline>>s just for a time. 
 I have been so wretched !' 
 
 What was I to do ? and she was directing 
 glances at me as expressively as the most 
 practised coquette. I took the seat beside her, 
 and the pleading of her eyes and manner 
 threw me off my guard for a moment. She 
 laid one little warm hand on mine lovingly, 
 and finally took one in both of hers, pressed 
 it hurriedly to her breast, and proceeded 
 tremulously : 
 
 1 Bertie darling, I have lost (a gulp) 
 Ambrose. Don't be unkind to me : I have 
 no one but you now. You used to love me 
 — you swore it.' 
 
 ' Would you have been content with any- 
 thing less then ?' I put in rather cynically, 
 though I could have bent over and kissed 
 her, she looked so tempting : and I realized
 
 202 A SINNER'S SENTENCE 
 
 how fair a creature was offering herself to me 
 body and soul, just for the j^rice — marriage. 
 
 She avoided any direct reply to my retort 
 and continued : 
 
 1 Can I not trust you ? You used to say if I 
 were only free, how happy we should have 
 been together. Don't inflict any more humilia- 
 tion upon me ; it is hard enough that I should 
 have to approach you like this. Don't say, 
 oh, don't say it is in vain ! Remember your 
 promises, every loving word you spoke to me. 
 I am free now ; I love you — I love you better 
 than life itself!' 
 
 Mrs. Nelson pronounced the last words in 
 high and thrilling tones, and then burst out 
 crying, and laid her head on my shoulder, her 
 bosom heaving tumultuously. 
 
 I hate tears, a woman's especially, and 
 generally I would have kissed them away, 
 and comforted the troubled fair one with 
 honeyed promises ; but here such a course was
 
 A SINNER'S SENTENCE 203 
 
 of no use, and I must be cruel to be kind, so 
 I remained quiescent until her sobs abated 
 and I could get a hearing. I had some doubts 
 of the sincerity of all this, and I fancied that 
 my not answering caused her to dry her tears 
 all the sooner. Then I began politely : 
 
 ' My dear Mrs. Nelson, what you say is all 
 very true, but unfortunately circumstances 
 have altered, and I am not in a position to 
 fulfil all my promises, or be accountable for 
 everything I said to you. I have no doubt 
 I meant them all at the time, but as I never 
 expected to be taken at my word, perhaps I 
 was rather unguarded. In plain words, and 
 it is best to speak plainly, you have come here 
 hoping to become my wife, and, while I should 
 have been only too overjoyed at such a 
 prospect before, I regret that it is out of 
 the question now, and I feel the more sorry 
 that you should have placed yourself in this 
 position.'
 
 204 A SINNER'S SENTENCE 
 
 I could see she was listening intently, and, 
 as I paused for a moment, she sobbed con- 
 vulsively, exclaiming : 
 
 ' But dearest (gulp) I love you. Is my 
 love (gulp) to go for nothing ?' 
 
 ' Do be reasonable,' I answered suavely; 
 'it pains me as much as yourself to have 
 to tell you this, but there are a thousand 
 reasons why I could not marry you. To 
 take only one, I have no means to support 
 a wife.' 
 
 ' We could work,' she interrupted eagerly ; 
 1 my life has been a hard one — T am not afraid 
 of poverty.' 
 
 ' Impossible !' I returned; ' and even suppos- 
 ing that obstacle surmounted, there are other 
 and more formidable reasons that you know 
 nothing of.' 
 
 I paused here, as I did not want to tell her 
 of Blanche and Vera. She reflected for a 
 moment, and then spoke sullenly, if I can
 
 A SINNER'S SENTENCE 205 
 
 apply such an unpleasant word to so charm- 
 ing a woman. 
 
 ' You no longer love me — there is someone 
 else. I am cast off now.' 
 
 1 You will please remember,' I replied, ' that 
 you were never in any way attached to me, 
 so it is difficult to see how you can be cast off, 
 as you term it. However, if it will satisfy 
 you, I may say that I am engaged ; the match 
 is a decidedly advantageous one for me, and 
 neither in honour nor in inclination could I 
 break it off.' 
 
 I spoke coldly and judicially, watching Mrs 
 Nelson all the while. She seemed like a tiger 
 meditating a spring ; but when I had finished, 
 she only turned her tear-stained eyes directly 
 upon me, and in heartrending hysterical tones 
 she said : 
 
 ' Bertie, you cannot mean this ; you cannot 
 be so cruel. I love you ; I am yours. I 
 loved you ; I was false to my husband. Will
 
 206 A SINNER'S SENTENCE 
 
 you punish me for it ? Think of all we have 
 been to one another ; you are my husband 
 now in everything but name/ 
 
 ' Hush, my dear !' I urged, trying to calm 
 her ; ' do not excite yourself; we cannot alter 
 things.' 
 
 ' But I will speak !' she almost shrieked, 
 4 as there is a God above hears me — miserable 
 woman that I am — I love you ; I will be your 
 slave, your drudge, nay, I will be content to 
 be as the dog at your feet if I may only belong 
 to you !' 
 
 This was really growing very annoying, 
 and I could not be sure of the truth of her 
 statements. I said I was sorry and pitied 
 her, but I was inflexible. Then her whole 
 nature seemed to change from love to 
 hatred, and when I spoke, perhaps inoppor- 
 tunely, of assisting her, she exclaimed scorn- 
 fully : 
 
 ' Assistance from you ! I ask for love, for
 
 A SINNER'S SENTENCE 207 
 
 bare justice even, and you would fling me 
 your contemptible charity as if I were a 
 beggar in the street !' 
 
 The woman seemed transformed into a new 
 creature, and I was fast beginning to under- 
 stand the quotation, ' Nor hell a fury like 
 a woman scorned.' Good man, that poet ; 
 I wonder if ever he was in a dilemma 
 like this, or whether he r had been neglect- 
 ing the wife of his bosom for some other fair 
 one. Great thoughts wrapped up in finely 
 sounding verbiage often have most prosaic 
 
 origins. 
 
 Mrs. Nelson swept away my feeble attempts 
 at pacification like standing corn before the 
 wind, or King Mob at the Lord Mayor's Show 
 before the prancing steeds of messieurs the 
 mounted police. 
 
 She continued tragically : 
 
 ' But look to yourself, my lost love. I 
 am not a schoolgirl to sit down tamely in
 
 2o8 A SINNER'S SENTENCE 
 
 a corner and weep out my heart. If I 
 cannot have love I will have hatred and 
 revenge !' 
 
 ' My dear Mrs. Nelson,' I interposed firmly, 
 4 you are perfectly at liberty to take any 
 course you think fit, but I must request you 
 to put an end to this scene. Such heroics 
 are quite unnecessary and out of place here, 
 and will not change my resolution in the 
 least.' 
 
 ' 1 will go to your betrothed,' she an- 
 swered furiously ; ' she shall learn the story 
 of your duplicity and will spurn you from 
 her !' 
 
 * By all means/ I replied wearily, 'if you 
 wish it, but you will find your own story 
 rather painful in the telling.' 
 
 ' I care not ; I would willingly confess my 
 own shame to have revenge on you.' 
 
 *' Soit,' I said, chuckling to myself as I 
 thought of Blanche snubbing this fury ; ' and
 
 A SINNER'S SENTENCE 209 
 
 now, rude as it is, I must ask if you would 
 mind going, as I have another engagement.' 
 
 But I did not get rid of her yet ; she was 
 wound up like a clock, and I had to wait 
 until she ran down ; but I provoked her 
 more than anything by pretending not to pay 
 attention, even as on one memorable occasion 
 Beaconsfield is said to have driven Gladstone 
 to the verge of lunacy by pretending to sleep 
 through his most impassioned diatribe. 
 
 At last, however, she departed after hurling 
 a few more menaces and reproaches at my 
 unfortunate head, and I sat down to consider 
 the situation. 
 
 Blanche Haviland she did not know, but I 
 supposed it would be easy for her to find out 
 who my fiancee was and all about her. Next 
 she would probably go to her, and here I 
 laughed outright as I thought of the en- 
 couraging reception my cold proud Blanche — 
 herself a model of probity and virtue — would 
 
 vol. 1. 14
 
 210 A SINNER'S SENTENCE 
 
 give to Mrs. Nelson's recital of her wrongs, 
 especially as, to make it effective, she must 
 confess her own discreditable share. 
 
 And for this she would know what to 
 expect, for women are always so tender and 
 tolerant to the faults of morality in their own 
 sex ; they, even the religious ones, are so kind 
 and charitable and ready to take the lost one 
 back into the fold again, and reinstate her 
 and forget her sin. Oh yes, they never have 
 scornful looks, they never — oh, never ! — turn 
 aside as if from contamination from some 
 unhappy creature, whose only fault was that 
 she trusted too much and was deceived. 
 
 Shall I speak to Blanche first and so 
 discount the effect of Mrs. Nelson's interview ? 
 No ; if she chooses to be unpleasant about a 
 little thing like that, she may, and be hanged 
 to her. I have done nothing to contravene 
 the outward and visible regulations of society. 
 I am not on trial in court, that I may be con-
 
 A SINNER'S SENTENCE 211 
 
 victed out of a woman's mouth, as in a famous 
 case not so long since. Naturally, of course, 
 I shall represent to Blanche that Mrs. Nelson 
 is a wicked designing woman, but that is the 
 utmost trouble I will take. 
 
 Woodsleigh Towers. 
 
 I am here again, and Blanche is so 
 affectionate, I really feel ashamed of myself. 
 I love Vera with all my heart, and yet 
 Blanche has improved and grown more tender 
 and less stately, but she will relapse into her 
 old stiffness soon, when the bombshell Mrs. 
 Nelson lands in our midst, for which event I 
 am waiting calmly, for I am indifferent as to 
 the issue. It is sweet to contemplate being 
 wealthy, and no more sixty per cent, trans- 
 actions ; it is pleasant to enjoy the kudos of 
 being Blanche's affianced husband ; but I feel 
 as if I could give it all up, and settle down 
 and work — yes, actually work for my little 
 
 14—2
 
 212 A SINNER'S SENTENCE 
 
 Vern. My brain must be softening, I fear, 
 but there is a new and strange charm about 
 the idea. 
 
 Blanche is looking forward to our speedy 
 marriage, and I, hypocrite that I feel under 
 her caresses, have to evade the subject as best 
 I can, even so far as to risk her displeasure. 
 To arrange for les noces, and then have Mrs 
 Nelson appearing, would make my conduct 
 appear all the more perfidious, so I must 
 temporize, be my excuses and subterfuges 
 never so lame. 
 
 That imp of a Lisette has got some game 
 on hand, I am sure. Whenever I meet her 
 there is a malicious trickery in her face such 
 as you might see in a monkey who has just 
 stolen and secreted something, and she pursues 
 her giddy way without stopping for a moment. 
 I am sure she is up to something. What can 
 it be ? She is devoted to Blanche, and in 
 spite of my efforts at propitiation does not
 
 A SINNER'S SENTENCE 213 
 
 seem to like me. Well, what matters ? I 
 am sick of this life and its deceptions. If the 
 worst comes to the worst, 1 will take Vera 
 away somewhere and work — positively earn 
 my bread by the sweat of my brow. 
 
 En voiture for the backwoods, let us say, 
 and I, the flaneur par excellence, will dig, and 
 hoe, and plough, anything so long as I can 
 have my Vera to smile on my labours. I 
 feel like a traveller in the desert thirsting for 
 a draught of pure cool spring water, and who 
 is offered a flask of eau-de-cologne, millefleurs, 
 or some other high-scented artificial mixture. 
 Vera and a cottage versus Blanche and a 
 mansion. The former has it, but the roses 
 on the ideal trellis would soon fade, and the 
 romance once gone, beer would not quite 
 come up to my favourite cru of Pommery. 
 What a pity wisdom and experience always 
 have something to throw in the track of the 
 macadam of Hades — £ood intentions !
 
 CHAPTER XL 
 
 Pelion on Ossa, complication on complica- 
 tion ! Come on, all my deadly sins and 
 crush me, and may the devil take the hind- 
 most, and, for that matter, all of you ! And 
 may Lisette especially be Anathema Mara- 
 natha. Truly I was a prophet when I spoke 
 of her as an intrigante ; but the deep-laid plot 
 that hussy has contrived for me I was far 
 from suspecting. I wish to goodness the 
 Monroe doctrine could be made compulsory 
 on private individuals, and people would 
 mind their own business. 
 
 Lisette accosted me last night on my way 
 to the smoking-room, and there was a trium-
 
 A SINNER'S SENTENCE 215 
 
 phant expression of gratified malice about 
 her features that I did not like. 
 
 ' Meestare Clifford, pardon, saire, I have 
 found something that is yours.' 
 
 Naturally I inquired what it was, and when 
 she extracted it from her pocket, the some- 
 thing proved to be a dilapidated rail way -label, 
 carefully and artistically mounted on half a 
 sheet of note-paper. There was not much 
 of the original remaining, but what there was 
 contained the fatal letters EDE . . . RD, 
 enough evidence, in fact, to hang anyone. 
 
 My first impulse was to snatch it from her 
 hand, but, as that would have been tanta- 
 mount to an admission of guilt, I restrained 
 myself, and, with an uneasy laugh, I remarked 
 with feigned composure, 'Is it ? It may be. 
 Why do you show it to me ?' 
 
 Lisette's malignity burst out and over- 
 powered her, and she hissed in cat-like 
 fashion :
 
 2i 6 A SINNER'S SENTENCE 
 
 ' Mon Dieu ! Why ? you ask, vaurien that 
 you are ! Mees Haviland, my mistress, loves 
 you ; you are fiance, and at Edenford is living 
 Mees Marchmont as your wife ! Bah, traitre ! 
 Mees Haviland has no eyes, but, pour moi, pas 
 si bete ! But I weel tell her all, and she shall 
 throw you away like that V and she made a 
 contemptuous gesture w T ith her hands. 
 
 I had had no chance of interrupting her, 
 so eager w r as she to deliver these sentences, 
 but as soon as she came to a full stop, I 
 interposed. 
 
 ' Really, Lisette, this is too absurd. Carry 
 your ridiculous suspicions to Miss Haviland 
 or whoever you please, but don't annoy me 
 with them.' 
 
 ' So, monsieur, you deny it. You are cool 
 now, but nous verrons.' 
 
 ' Nonsense, Lisette ; don't trouble your 
 pretty little head about such things.' 
 
 ' But it is true, you know it is,' she re-
 
 A SINNER'S SENTENCE 217 
 
 torted viciously, with a toss of her head, and 
 stamping a decidedly shapely foot. 
 
 Grandes dames must think what a pity it is 
 that good looks, small waists, hands and feet 
 are not confined to the heaven-born, aristo- 
 cratic classes. 
 
 I assumed a gaiety I was far from feeling, 
 and replied : 
 
 ' Bah, Lisette! what is true, and what isn't? 
 As the man said, " You never can tell.'' Vive 
 la bagatelle, as you would say ; and, see, take 
 this' — I gave her half a sovereign — 'go and 
 buy some chiffons, and now give me a kiss 
 for it. You look a hundred times more 
 charming when you are smiling than like 
 this ;' and I made a face that I have found 
 effective when I have been left alone with 
 a troublesome child. 
 
 She took the money — trust her for that — 
 and her innate coquetry made her assume a 
 saucy expression. She was evidently molli-
 
 218 A SINNER'S SENTENCE 
 
 fied at the compliment, and, to my surprise, 
 laid one hand on my arm, and kissed me 
 warmly in return. The touch of cherry, 
 pouting lips is always agreeable, and I might 
 have stayed indulging in further pleasantries 
 if Blanche's high-pitched, clear, carefully - 
 modulated voice had not made itself heard 
 summoning Lisette. 
 
 I went to my dressing-room, and there was 
 the portmanteau I had used on my last ex- 
 pedition to Edenford, with every label care- 
 fully washed off. To the devil with the little 
 schemer ! I thought, but what could I do ? 
 As long as she was silent it was clearly my 
 best policy to remain so too, but then, how 
 long was she to be trusted ? Offering to 
 bribe her was risky, as it would be clear 
 evidence of my culpability ; what other 
 means could I take ? Happy thought ! 
 She is vain ; flattery may attack her in a 
 susceptible part, and I will make love to her.
 
 A SINNER'S SENTENCE 219 
 
 I fancy I can do a little execution in that 
 way, but woe is me if Blanche should dis- 
 cover me. 
 
 Nor is this all. A well-meaning, but 
 blundering, awkward idiot has been to add 
 to my embarrassment about things in general 
 and Vera in particular. I have done battle 
 with this new enemy and routed him for the 
 time being, although he will return to the 
 attack. 
 
 This morning one of the footmen came to 
 me. He was a man whom I particularly 
 detested for the confoundedly insolent air he 
 assumed to everybody except his mistress — 
 she was the only one he had any respect for, 
 to judge from his manner. It is difficult to 
 stand bumptiousness from your equals and 
 superiors, but when it comes from a menial, 
 whose only recommendations are his height 
 and the size of his calves, it is unbearable. 
 
 Bearing on his face a grin, which it would
 
 220 A SINNER'S SENTENCE 
 
 have been a joy to dispel with a good hearty 
 kicking, he approached me with a card held 
 daintily between his great red fingers, as if he 
 were afraid of soiling them. Such a card too, 
 not a Bond Street production, by any means, 
 but an 'in this style 50 for Is.' pasteboard, 
 bought on a cheap trip probably to the 
 Metropolis. 
 
 i Someone to see you, sir,' the flunkey 
 remarked, with as little courtesy as possible. 
 1 Says as how if you can't see him now he 
 will wait till you can.' 
 
 ' Who the deuce is it ?' I asked impatiently, 
 taking the card. 
 
 ' Can't say, sir ; no one as 'as anything 
 to do with the 'ouse or the other gentlemen.' 
 This with a supercilious air. 
 
 1 How do you know ?' I asked sharply, 
 fixing him at the same time sternly with my 
 eye, whereat he turned if possible a shade 
 more florid, and stammered sheepishly :
 
 A SINNER'S SENTENCE 221 
 
 ' 'E doesn't look like it at all ; 'e's not ' 
 
 I had made myself master of the name — 
 Matthew Simpson — by this, and, remembering 
 it was Vera's rustic admirer, I thought it 
 better not to bring him into the house, so I 
 said rudely, cutting the footman short, for it 
 is the only way to treat these specimens of 
 humanity : 
 
 * There, that will do. Where is Mr. 
 Simpson ?' 
 
 c At the servants' entrance, sir,' Jeames 
 now answered quite meekly. 
 
 ' Very well,' I said ; ' take him into the 
 shrubbery, and say that as it's a fine day I'll 
 join him there in a minute or two.' 
 
 A minute or two for reflection. What does 
 he know ? I am not accountable to him. A 
 menace in his message. Pshaw ! I gird 
 myself in a triple armour of politeness and 
 bonhomie, and make for the shrubbery. 
 
 I see Mr. Simpson. Ah, Vera ! you may
 
 222 A SINNER'S SENTENCE 
 
 have lost a big, honest, trusting heart ; but, 
 by Jove ! as far as personal appearance goes, I 
 have the advantage of my rustic rival. He is 
 so very countrified to look at, I should laugh, 
 but I don't want to wound his feelings ; and, 
 after all, do we not both love Vera ? I will 
 be gentle with him. Tall, big-boned, ungainly 
 is he, with monstrous feet, and that aggrieved, 
 heavy, sulky look so characteristic of the 
 farm-labourer. 
 
 I advance, smiling graciously, as if there 
 was no such thing as mauvais honte in 
 the world, and I hold out my hand, say- 
 ing : 
 
 1 Good-morning, Mr. Simpson. Splendid 
 weather we are having. What can I do for 
 you ?' 
 
 He retired a few paces as gracefully as any 
 percheron backing a heavy load, and replied, 
 not ungraciously : 
 
 ' You'll excuse me, Mr. Clifford, sir, but I
 
 A SINNER'S SENTENCE 223 
 
 can't take your hand until I know something 
 I have come to ask you.' 
 
 1 Certainly, my good man : please yourself/ 
 I replied airily. ' It is quite a matter of in- 
 difference to me.' 
 
 ' I'll thank you not to call me your good 
 man either,' he replied moodily. 
 
 What a bear ! Where would diplomacy be 
 if all our phrases had to express exactly what 
 we meant and thought ? I only answered 
 testily : 
 
 ' Well, what do you want ?' 
 
 ' That's better — that's straight,' he replied, 
 with grim approval. ' That's soon told. 
 What have you done with Vera — with Miss 
 Marchmont ?' 
 
 ' What have I done with Miss Marchmont ?' 
 I repeated slowly, to gain time, and looking 
 him unblu shingly in the face, while I en- 
 deavoured to seem surprised at the question. 
 ' What have I got to do with Miss March-
 
 224 A SINNER'S SENTENCE 
 
 mont ? I'm not her guardian or her keeper. 
 Are you out of your senses ?' 
 
 ' No, I'm not,' he replied gruffly ; ' but I 
 fear she was, poor girl, when she trusted 
 herself in the hands of a man like you. I 
 have heard all about you and your goings on, 
 and what sort of a man you are to any woman 
 who gets in your power.' 
 
 c Come, Mr. Simpson,' I interposed sharply, 
 ' we are not here to discuss my private or 
 public character. If you have nothing better 
 to do, I can assure you I have, and I shall 
 leave you to yourself.' 
 
 1 You won't tell me then,' he answered 
 aggressively, ' where she is ?' 
 
 ' Where who is ?' I replied impatiently. 
 
 ' You know very well who I mean !' he 
 retorted angrily. ' Vera Marchmont.' 
 
 i 1 know nothing whatever of her,' I replied, 
 angry in my turn. 
 
 ' Then you are a liar !'
 
 A SINNER'S SENTENCE 225 
 
 His voice was rising, and I trusted no one 
 was near; but all along he had spoken quietly, 
 though with a bitter intensity, fearing, like a 
 shy man, to proclaim his own and Vera's 
 w r rongs to the world. 
 
 I felt all the indignation that anyone would 
 feel under the circumstances, but I w r as still 
 cool enough to count up all my chances and 
 appreciate them at their true worth. Naturally 
 I ought, and every nerve in my body was 
 urging me, to knock him down. Though he 
 was much bigger and heavier than I was, I 
 should have come off victorious at the finish, I 
 have no doubt whatever ; but at what price 
 should I have gained the victory ? Perhaps 
 the loss of a few teeth and a black eye — rather 
 awkw r ard occurrences to explain away at any 
 time, but especially so in someone else's house, 
 and to Blanche of all people, for to her any- 
 thing approaching pugilism was the ne plus 
 ultra of vulgar barbarism. So, although my 
 
 vol. 1. 15
 
 226 A SINNER'S SENTENCE 
 
 whole manhood revolted, I decided to pocket 
 the affront, rather than risk appearing before 
 her with the traces of fighting about me, for it 
 was impossible for me to leave the Towers at 
 present on any pretext, as I had been away so 
 much with Vera. Not that I cared very much 
 about Blanche and her opinion ; but then 
 there was Lisette, one mine ready to blow up 
 under my feet, and a fight with this country 
 lout and explanations afterwards might be the 
 match to explode it. So I decided to temporize 
 for expediency's sake, although I have re- 
 proached myself with cowardice all the rest of 
 this day. 
 
 All these thoughts flashed through my 
 brain with the rapidity of lightning, and 
 when I had instantly chosen my line of 
 action, I replied scornfully, shrugging my 
 shoulders : 
 
 ' That is quite sufficient, I have stayed too 
 long. Perhaps when you want me again you
 
 A SINNER'S SENTENCE 227 
 
 will condescend to learn ordinary polite- 
 ness.' 
 
 ' Politeness, you black-hearted villain ! 
 
 D you ! can't I insult you ? Are you a 
 
 coward as well as everything else that is bad ?' 
 he said furiously. 
 
 This was too much ; I went cold with rage 
 and a murderous feeling, but I replied with 
 studied calmness : 
 
 ' You have said enough and more than 
 enough. If we were on other soil, you 
 should eat your words or die for them. 
 What is it you want ?' 
 
 1 Satisfaction !' he hissed. ' I want to wring 
 the life out of you. I want my knee on your 
 throat while you ask pardon of me and the 
 God above us for the girl you have wronged.' 
 
 This was growing too melodramatic a situa- 
 tion, considering the proximity of the house, 
 and burning with rage as I was, I knew one 
 of us must keep cool. 
 
 15—2
 
 228 A SINNER'S SENTENCE 
 
 I determined to calm him by that most 
 effectual of douches, cold common sense, so 
 I said sneeringly, baring my arm, which was 
 muscular, and had held its own many a time 
 before : ' And if I offered you satisfaction, are 
 you sure you would come off best, and if you 
 did, would it help you, would you be any 
 nearer the object of your hopes, the Miss 
 Marchmont who has rejected you? If you 
 were to kill me, would she love you any 
 better ?' 
 
 4 No, God help me, she wouldn't,' he replied 
 despairingly, and I knew the battle was won, 
 ' and I am mad for love of her ;' but relapsing 
 into his old fierceness, he continued: ' But 
 1 would crush the breath out of you, and 
 feel I was avenging her and doing a 
 good action, though I swung for it after- 
 wards !' 
 
 Now was the time to finish him quietly, 
 but surely, and I said :
 
 A SINNER'S SENTENCE 229 
 
 ' I may or may not be what you have called 
 me. I don't think I am, and nothing would 
 please me better than to give you the satisfac- 
 tion you seek, if I could do so as a gentleman, 
 but I am not a butcher that we should settle 
 our differences like two prize-fighters. There- 
 fore I warn you that there are men within 
 call, and if you intend any violence, I shall 
 simply summon them and have you removed 
 from the grounds. If you have anything to 
 say, I shall be glad to hear it quietly, but 
 upon any recurrence of the absurd tragical 
 style you assumed just now, I shall leave you 
 at once.' 
 
 The conquest was complete, for, laying a 
 hand upon my arm, Simpson became im- 
 ploring, almost tearful, which in so big a 
 man struck me as decidedly ludicrous. 
 
 Then he said : 
 
 1 Don't go like that, sir. I ask your 
 pardon, if I spoke too strongly, but my love
 
 230 A SINNER'S SENTENCE 
 
 drove me frantic. Don't take my little Vera 
 away from me. A gentleman like you can 
 have plenty of light o ; loves ; spare me the one 
 girl I love, my little darling, my Vera. Poor 
 little lamb ! wherever she is, however she is 
 despised and disgraced, my arms are always 
 ready and open to welcome and protect her. 
 You have loved, yourself, sometime, sir, I 
 make no doubt, and perhaps in vain. Can't 
 you feel for me ? Be merciful to her, as you 
 hope for mercy yourself !' 
 
 The man had lost all his boorishness now, 
 and was pleading like a mother for the life of 
 her first-born. I have a soft heart — I wonder 
 whether I can call it a redeeming feature in 
 myself — and remembering how I loved Vera 
 myself, I could not help yielding to my 
 feelings, and I said : 
 
 ' I forgive you freely all you have said. I 
 have been in love, and I have suffered, but I 
 can give you no hope. Vera does not love
 
 A SINNER'S SENTENCE 231 
 
 you, and much as she might respect you, as I 
 do now since you have opened your heart to 
 me, there is not the slightest chance of her 
 ever becoming yours. It is only kindness to 
 tell you so at once.' 
 
 Unheeding what I said, Simpson broke in 
 fiercely : 
 
 4 Then you do know where she is ; you are 
 her betrayer ; you have ' 
 
 ' Hush !' I said, ' or I leave you.' 
 
 ' Tell me, then,' he inquired eagerly, ' tell 
 me truly, as if you were answering at the 
 judgment day, is she well and happy ?' 
 
 ' On my honour,' I replied emphatically and 
 briefly, ' as I love her with my whole heart 
 and soul, she is.' 
 
 1 As you love her with your whole heart 
 and soul,' he repeated wonderingly ; ' then she 
 must be your wife V 
 
 I hesitated, but finally decided to tell the 
 truth, feeling more guilty in the presence of
 
 232 A SINNER'S SENTENCE 
 
 this honest simple-minded soul than I had 
 ever done before. 
 
 ' No, she is not.' 
 
 ' Then you are going to make her your 
 wife?' 
 
 * Not — at — present ; ' I almost faltered, but 
 recovering myself, I said briskly : ' Simpson, 
 you are a good fellow ; can you keep a 
 secret ? 
 
 He answered dramatically : 
 
 ' As long as I know you have her welfare at 
 heart, your secret is safe with me. Betray 
 her, and I will betray you, and follow you to 
 the end of the earth for revenge.' 
 
 1 Yes, yes, that will do,' I answered im- 
 patiently ; comedy, and not drama, is to my 
 taste. ' Keep my secret, for I shall always 
 love and care for her. The truth is, I am 
 married already, but my wife has been false 
 to me, and I am seeking my freedom. When 
 I get it, I shall marry Vera.'
 
 A SINNER'S SENTENCE 233 
 
 ' But where is she — what is she doing ?' 
 
 i 1 have trusted you, now you must trust 
 me. Accept my assurance that Vera is com- 
 fortable, that she is happy, that she is well 
 provided for in every way — in fact, she is every- 
 thing you could wish her to be/ 
 
 ' Except,' he interrupted angrily, ' that she 
 is your mistress. I may be a fool beside you, 
 with your wicked London ways, but I know 
 she cannot be all that without being more to 
 you than she ought to be.' 
 
 ' Shame on you,' I answered seriously, 
 ' that you are the first one to cast a stone at 
 the woman you love, when you ought to 
 cherish and uphold her fair fame. I have an 
 aunt who knows of my unfortunate marriage, 
 and Vera is safe with her.' 
 
 ' I wish I could think so,' he interjected 
 gloomily. 
 
 ' You are not very flattering, my friend,' I 
 replied ; i but stay — I will convince you. If
 
 234 A SINNER'S SENTENCE 
 
 you will come here again, say in ten days, I 
 will give you a letter from Vera herself, bear- 
 ing out all I have told you.' 
 
 ' I will come for certain,' he answered ; and 
 soon after we parted friends, or shall I say 
 enemies who had agreed for the nonce to bury 
 the hatchet ? 
 
 Heigho ! I sigh as I finish writing all this, 
 which is really much harder work than getting 
 through the interview. I wonder whether my 
 pretended marriage will serve me eventually. 
 Tt certainly seemed a trump card at the time, 
 and sent Simpson away contented, if not 
 exactly rejoicing ; but big lies like this 
 are edged tools to play with. 1 wonder 
 who has put him on the scent. Surely not 
 Lisette ; and yet she knows Vera's hiding- 
 place. 
 
 And besides Lisette and this countryman, I 
 have still Mrs. Kelson in prospect to reckon 
 with. Oh, for the wings of a dove, or rather a
 
 A SINNER'S SENTENCE 235 
 
 big steam yacht, to fly away, and leave them 
 to fight it out ! What Blanche would say 
 if she only knew all, I don't care to 
 think !
 
 CHAPTER XII. 
 
 A week later. 
 
 One of the storms has burst! Mrs. Nelson 
 has been here, and I hope she feels better and 
 more satisfied ; I shouldn't in her place. It 
 always amuses me intensely to see how 
 thoroughly nasty women can be Avith one 
 another — how they have a thousand little 
 underhand ways of hitting below the belt, with 
 expressions, insinuations, and innuendoes that a 
 man would never dream of, or if he did, would 
 scorn to avail himself of. Women are curious 
 creatures — lovable to the other sex, to whom 
 they turn their sweetest and best side, but 
 amongst themselves full of petty jealousies,
 
 A SINNER'S SENTENCE 237 
 
 spite, and maliciousness. They will spar with 
 one another apparently for no purpose but to 
 hurt one another's feelings; and still, when 
 they part, they will kiss and be the best of 
 friends. 
 
 Not that Mrs. Nelson's interview with 
 Blanche was of the gentle or sparring type — 
 not much of that about it ; more of the fair 
 give and take, rough and tumble. Even 
 Blanche lost a little of her habitual coolness 
 and courtesy at the idea of Mrs. Nelson 
 obtruding her shameless presence on her out- 
 raged pride and virtue ; and now, true to her 
 sex, my betrothed refers to her as a ' person ' 
 and a ' creature,' with a contemptuous inflection 
 in her voice, that really means 'that abandoned, 
 disgraceful woman.' 
 
 I did not even know Mrs. Nelson had 
 arrived when one afternoon Blanche sent a 
 message, asking to see me at once. Never 
 thinking but that it was some trifling service
 
 238 A SINNER'S SENTENCE 
 
 she required of me — to hold some wool, or 
 perhaps read to her — I went to her boudoir 
 without any idea of what was coming. When 
 I saw Mrs. Nelson I knew all, but I was 
 utterly reckless and indifferent. I felt sorry 
 for Blanche : it was really painful for her if she 
 loved me; but, after all, perhaps it was better 
 ended. I had the utmost contempt for Mrs. 
 Nelson, as I would for any woman who would 
 trade on her own shame, who would use 
 it for the purpose of revenge, and blazon it 
 forth without any compunction to serve her 
 own ends. I remember laughing to myself as 
 I thought how often I had assured Blanche I 
 was unworthy of her ; then I bowed smilingly 
 to Mrs. Nelson, and, sitting down, turned to 
 Blanche. 
 
 She began in much less calm tones than 
 usual : 
 
 1 1 thought it best to send for you that you 
 might acknowledge the truth or untruth of the
 
 A SINNER'S SENTENCE 239 
 
 allegations that this — this person has made 
 against you. I should not like to condemn 
 you unheard.' 
 
 4 My dear Blanche/ I interposed airily, 'I 
 have nothing to say to you which I wish Mrs. 
 Nelson to hear, so that, although I highly ap- 
 preciate your sense of justice ' — this ironically 
 — \ I must decline to make any remarks 
 whatever.' 
 
 It was no use. If I had to eat humble-pie 
 eventually, I was not going to be dragged at 
 Mrs. Nelson's chariot-wheels ; and, moreover, 
 I reflected that the more meek and humble 
 attitude I assumed to Blanche, the more she 
 would lord it over me ; while, if I stood my 
 ground and showed independence — and she 
 really did love me — I should stand a better 
 chance of keeping well with her. After all, if 
 we parted, what matter ? I am sick of the 
 engagement. I am Bohemian to the backbone, 
 and 1 never should be able to exist — to
 
 2 4 o A SINNER'S SENTENCE 
 
 breathe, I had almost said — chained to that 
 pattern of propriety, that frigid crystallization 
 of all the virtues upon the society automaton. 
 
 ' Then you admit knowing Mrs. Nelson ?' 
 Blanche replied, almost catching at my words, 
 as if too glad to convict me out of my own 
 mouth, and for which I registered a mental 
 vow to be even with her. 
 
 ' Oh yes,' I answered ; ' I know her too 
 well. It is easy to do so, considering how 
 plainly she reveals her true character. I sup- 
 pose you have heard her story ?' 
 
 ' Certainly, Mr. Clifford/ interposed Mrs. 
 Nelson vindictively. ' I have not spared you; 
 you may be quite sure of that ! I have shown 
 you in your true colours !' 
 
 ' Then I can only hope, Blanche,' I said 
 lazily, ' for your sake, that Mrs. Nelson has 
 not inflicted so much of her tragic talent upon 
 you as she did upon me, or you must be 
 terribly bored.'
 
 A SINNER'S SENTENCE 241 
 
 ' I have heard Mrs. Nelson's story,' replied 
 Blanche with hauteur, ' and a more shocking 
 one I am thankful to say I never listened to. 
 But this is mere fencing with the question. 
 Do you admit what she charges you with? for 
 if you do, it is needless for me to say all is 
 over between us from this moment.' 
 
 Mrs. Nelson's face here lighted up with 
 gratified malice, and her lips moved as if mur- 
 muring exultingly to herself. 
 
 Was I going to allow her this triumph of 
 seeing me cast off? Not exactly, so looking 
 Blanche straight in the face, I said, * Pardon 
 me, but, as I said before, I have no intention of 
 discussing this or any other question in 
 Mrs. Nelson's presence.' 
 
 ' Yes, and why, Miss Haviland?' broke in 
 Mrs. Nelson ; ' because he cannot face me. 
 When I am gone he will make you believe 
 anything.' 
 
 Blanche smiled a cruel judicial smile, and 
 
 vol. 1. 16
 
 242 A SINNER'S SENTENCE 
 
 said proudly, ' I am not so weak-minded as 
 you deem me. The truth or falseness of your 
 story must be easy to ascertain. The shame- 
 less way in which you have made your avowal 
 convinces me that you would be capable of 
 any means, however base, to gain your ends, 
 whatever they may be.' 
 
 ' I would indeed,' she interposed eagerly, 
 ' to punish that villain !' 
 
 I smiled as aggravatingly as I could, and 
 Blanche said freezingly, ' I must remind you 
 that I am not accustomed to hear this sort of 
 thing, and you must moderate your language, 
 unless you wish me to ring for the servants.' 
 
 Mrs. Nelson was losing her temper, and she 
 said sneeringly, ' It's no use, apparently ; you 
 are all against me ; but if you won't be con- 
 vinced, I wish you joy of your husband. 
 Mr. Clifford will be so faithful, so true! I 
 have learnt all about it ! A liaison with me 
 while he was engaged to you, while your
 
 A SINNER'S SENTENCE 243 
 
 kisses were yet warm on his lips, your fare- 
 wells still lingering in his ear. I would 
 answer for it he has half a dozen illicit amours 
 on his hands now, did we but know !' 
 
 1 This is insufferable !' interrupted Blanche, 
 whose patience was exhausted ; and turning to 
 me she said, with stiff politeness, ' Will you 
 have the goodness to ring the bell?' 
 
 I complied with pleasure, but Mrs. Nelson 
 had not yet come to the end of her venom, and 
 she continued for my benefit : ' Mark my 
 words, Bertie Clifford, whether that blind fool 
 is convinced or not, you have not done with 
 me ; I will cross your path and thwart you 
 through life. You shall repent the day you 
 refused me !' 
 
 ' I don't think so,' I answered sweetly, ' if 
 this is a specimen of your average conduct. 
 At present I feel most devoutly thankful.' 
 
 The maid arrived just then. I feared a scene, 
 but Mrs. Nelson departed quietly, for which I 
 
 16—2
 
 244 A SINNER'S SENTENCE 
 
 felt grateful, as I knew Blanche's horror of 
 any such scandal. Now for the tug of war ! 
 
 Blanche and I sat facing one another for a 
 minute or two in silence, she no doubt con- 
 sidering what she should say to me, and I for 
 my part stubbornly making up my mind not to 
 give way in a single point. I was not married 
 yet, and was accountable to no one, legally at 
 least, since Boanerges had found a grave, per- 
 haps in the maw of a cannibal. Whether I 
 lost Blanche or not I recked little. Guilty, I 
 ought to, and did feel, but I revolted against 
 the idea of this proud beauty assuming the 
 right to control my freedom or my actions, 
 be they never so bad, until marriage gave it 
 her. 
 
 At length she opened fire. ' Bertie — I may 
 not call you so much longer — you have often 
 told me you were unworthy of me, and while 
 I never believed your jesting speeches — what 
 woman would ? — I have sometimes pictured
 
 A SINNER'S SENTENCE 245 
 
 them true, but never, never did I imagine you 
 capable of anything like this.' 
 
 ' No ?' I said lightly and interrogatively, 
 1 but you see we all have unpleasant lessons 
 to learn.' 
 
 ' You own the truth, then, of this disgusting 
 story?' Blanche asked with pained surprise, as 
 if she expected me to deny it. ' You can sit 
 here in my presence,' she went on impatiently, 
 ' and acknowledge yourself guilty of all that 
 that dreadful woman accused you of ?' 
 
 I bowed assent, for I felt conscience- stricken. 
 Why should I defend myself ? Mrs. Nelson 
 might have embroidered the details, but the 
 main facts were indisputable, and I was too 
 proud to lie about them. 
 
 ' And have you nothing to urge in extenua- 
 tion?' Blanche went on with rising voice and 
 growing anger ; i nothing to mitigate your 
 treachery to me, and your sin against this 
 woman and her husband ? It is too much !
 
 246 A SINNER'S SENTENCE 
 
 I feel the degradation of polluting my lips 
 by the mere mention of it !' 
 
 ' Then I shall be glad if you will drop the 
 subject,' I replied flippantly. ' You may be 
 sure it has even less charm for me than for 
 you.' 
 
 1 You will say nothing?' she urged; 'have 
 you no thought for me? Are you condemned 
 without being able to offer a single word in 
 palliation of the evil you have done?' 
 
 ' Of what use is it my saying anything V 
 I answered, touched by her reproaches. ' I 
 cannot defend myself without putting the blame 
 on to Mrs. Nelson's shoulders. I have no 
 grounds for doing so, and if I had, I would 
 not. The fault is mine, and I must take the 
 consequences. I might remind you that I am 
 neither a co-respondent in the witness-box 
 nor your husband, but I have sufficient re- 
 spect for you to be deeply sorry for what has 
 occurred — perhaps I ought to say for being
 
 A SINNER'S SENTENCE 247 
 
 found out. Such stories are too common in 
 my world — aye, and after marriage as well as 
 before — for me to attach the importance to 
 this that you do. To me it was a passing 
 flirtation, the recreation of a holiday, with 
 most unfortunately an embarrassing ending ; 
 to you it is a serious fault, a crime, even. 
 We think differently. I have often said how 
 unworthy I was of you. It is the old story of 
 the earthenware pot setting itself amongst 
 its superiors, the brazen ones.' 
 
 1 Indeed !' Blanche said scornfully ; ' so to 
 you it is a mere contretemps. You have no 
 regard for my feelings, my wounded self- 
 respect, my betrayed faith in you, my ' 
 
 4 You wrong me there,' I interposed. i I 
 regret what has happened deeply, but why go 
 into that ? What is past is past. We have 
 the present and the future to face. I deserve 
 your anger too well, but what good purpose 
 will it serve for you to vent it on me ? In
 
 248 A SINNER'S SENTENCE 
 
 your eyes I have forfeited all claim to your 
 love and your esteem. Your reproaches 
 cannot make me feel any more penitent than 
 I do, looking at my conduct from your stand- 
 point. Give me the coup de grace, and let 
 me go !' 
 
 1 If you no longer loved me ' — this with 
 a suspicion of faltering in Blanche's angry 
 tones — ' would it not have been more upright, 
 more manly, more kind to have told me so, 
 and asked for your release ? Why should 
 you have gone on deceiving me only to 
 bind yourself irrevocably ?' 
 
 ' You will do me the justice to remember 
 that I have never pressed on our marriage, 
 that I have always doubted my fitness to 
 become the husband of one I admired and 
 respected so much/ I said persuasively. 
 
 ' Then you never really loved me ?' she 
 asked earnestly, as if the thought troubled 
 her.
 
 A SINNER'S SENTENCE 249 
 
 ' I have never said or meant that for a 
 moment/ I replied hastily. 
 
 Blanche showed signs of relenting, and a 
 patched -up peace is better than none. 
 
 ' What do you wish me to believe — why 
 not tell me frankly?' 
 
 'My dear Blanche,' I replied, 'what can I 
 say ? If I assure you that I have never 
 ceased to love you, you will assume a cold, 
 superior smile of incredulity. (Not but what 
 you are perfectly justified in anything you 
 may think of me.) My affaire with Mrs. 
 Nelson, that I thought so venial an offence, 
 did not affect my feelings towards you for a 
 moment, or should I not have hastened to 
 make her my wife when the opportunity 
 arose V 
 
 ' You mean to say,' Blanche replied, in 
 yielding but unbelieving tones, ' that while 
 you are engaged to me, you can make love 
 to another woman, that you can — you can — I
 
 250 A SINNER'S SENTENCE 
 
 can't repeat the disgraceful details, and still 
 pretend it makes no difference in your love 
 for me ?' 
 
 ' Believe me or not — I can't expect you to, 
 but that is the truth,' I answered dispassion- 
 ately — ' my affection for you has never altered. 
 I confessed my share in this business freely 
 enough — why should I lie to you now ?' 
 
 I thought to myself with grim amusement, 
 ' What I am saying is true enough.' My affec- 
 tion for Blanche had indeed never altered, but 
 the words were unintentional. 
 
 ' You love me yet ?' she rejoined in faltering 
 accents. ' Bertie, you have nearly broken my 
 heart ; how can I believe you ?' 
 
 Poor Blanche ! she had not so much strength 
 of mind as I thought, and I made a mental 
 note that the nonchalant method is the best in 
 dealing with these cases. I draw a veil over 
 the remainder of the scene. We patched up 
 a sort of reconciliation, though I grudged her
 
 A SINNER'S SENTENCE 251 
 
 the kisses that ought to have been Yera's. I 
 am getting to despise myself more and more. 
 Why should I keep up this farce any longer ? 
 I do not want to marry Blanche ; what is it 
 I am afraid of losing ? I hardly know — it 
 must be wealth or kudos ; there is some 
 lingering feeling that impels me to remain 
 on good terms with her. Yet it is not fair 
 to her ; but, then, if I am to turn good and 
 do unto others as I would be done by, there 
 are more serious sins on my conscience that I 
 ought to put an end to as a commencement. 
 I shall let things slide. Vce victis, and 
 surely Blanche has enough of self-respect to 
 be able to take care of herself. 
 
 Fancy if there were to be no flirtations, no 
 love without matrimonial intentions, between 
 the opposite sexes ; if everything were au 
 serieux, and a request for a kiss was tanta- 
 mount to a proposal of marriage ! What a 
 lot of enjoyment we men should lose, and
 
 252 A SINNER'S SENTENCE 
 
 le beau sexe too ! Girls, I know, are always 
 on the look-out for chances, and are therefore 
 somewhat mercenary, but still sometimes 
 their hearts are involved as well as their 
 heads ; and when the blush deepens on 
 Angelina's face, and with drooping eyelids 
 she sinks into impecunious Edwin's arms at 
 the first dawn of love, even though marriage 
 may be an impossibility between them, will 
 you tell me that these halcyon heavenly 
 moments, oases in the Sahara of this work- 
 a-day world, and marking epochs in a 
 maiden's mind, had better be done away 
 with, because the dreams will never be 
 realized ? Perish the thought ! 
 
 1 'Tis better to have loved and lost 
 Than never to have loved at all,' 
 
 sings the poet; and he might have added 
 that in some cases it was better to lose 
 than gain your lover. Let us picture
 
 A SINNER'S SENTENCE 253 
 
 Angelina married, grown old, thin, and 
 shrewish — thanks to four or five hungry 
 mouths to feed on almost nothing. Edwin, 
 torn with anxiety at business, and with no 
 peace at home, straightway betakes himself 
 to drink ; and Angelina, thinking over the 
 pleasant placid hours at home she was so 
 anxious to exchange for the gnawing worries 
 of marriage in straitened circumstances, will 
 regretfully agree with me. 
 
 If I were to preach infanticide in cold blood, 
 as superfluous puppies and kittens are killed 
 off, a howl of horror would arise, and com- 
 parisons would be made between me and Herod, 
 in the latter s favour. If I preach Malthus at 
 you, mothers of large, struggling families, I 
 shall be worse, I shall be l improper.' Yet I 
 will rest on the evil for a moment. In my 
 own set how many men have I seen fairly 
 brilliant, promising, and with good prospects !
 
 254 A SINNER'S SENTENCE 
 
 They have taken unto themselves wives, and 
 where are they now? Struggling, hampered, 
 with never a five- pound note to spare, they 
 and their wives growing old and gaunt and 
 worn with the toil and anxiety of keeping up 
 appearances ; and the struggle to make ends 
 meet streaking their hair and lining their 
 features. The erstwhile young, pretty, and 
 light-hearted girl has grown into the faded 
 drab, with not a thought or an ambition 
 beyond making the weekly pittance for house- 
 keeping satisfy the manifold claims upon it. 
 Surrounding her is an army of unruly children 
 with seemingly enormous appetites, and an 
 infinite capacity for wearing out clothes. 
 
 Is it merciful, is it right, is it justice that 
 these things should be so ? A child in the 
 abstract is, or ought to be, a thing of beauty 
 and a joy for ever ; that is, until in the concrete 
 it grows up and breaks your heart by making
 
 A SINNER'S SENTENCE 255 
 
 a dreadful mesalliance, as the case may be, 
 or elopes with someone's wife, or brings your 
 gray hairs in sorrow to the grave with cards, 
 or drink, or betting. 
 
 END of vol. 1. 
 
 BILLING AND SONS, PRINTERS, GUILDFORD.