szz Digitized by the Internet Archive in 2016 https://archive.org/details/eurydiceorlittleOObyro EURYDICE; OR, LITTLE ORPHEUS AND HIS LUTE. ^ §ran^i §MrIesqttt dEsetratopnp, BEING A SECOND EDITION OF “ ORPHEUS AND EURYDICE; OR, THE YOUNG GENTLEMAN WHO CHARMED THE ROCKS.” BY HENRY J. BYRON, AUTHOR OP frar to the Knife; CyriVs Success; The Old Story; Dundreary Married and Done For; Cinderella ; Blue Beard from a New Point of Kue ; Bohinson Ot'usoe ; Little Don Giovanni; Mazeppa; The Maid and the Magpie^ or the Fatal Spooji ; The Bahes in the Wood; Bride of Abydos ; Fra Diavulo; Jack the Giant Killer ; Very Latest Edition of the Lady of Lyons ; The Nymph of the Lurleyherg ; Pilgrim of Lore; The Garibaldi Excursionists ; Aladdin^ or the Wonderful Scamp; Esmeralda, or the Sensation Goat; Goldenhair the Good ; Ivanhoe in Accordance, etc.; Beauty and the Beast; Rival Othellos ; Whittington and his Cat ; Puss in a Neiv Pair of Boots ; Miss Eily O'Connor ; George de Barnwell; Our Seaside Lodgings ; llie Rosebud of Stinging-nettle Farm; The Sensation Fork; My Wife and I; Beautiful Haidee, or the Sea Nymph and the Sallee Rovers; 111 Treated II Trovatore; The Motto : “/ am all there P' St. George and the Dragon; Lady Belle Belle; Orpheus and Eurydice, or the Young Gentleman who charmed the Rocks; 1863, or the Sensations of the Past Year ; Mazourka, or the Stick, the Pole, and the Tartar; The ''Grin" Bushes; Lion and the Unicorn; Sensation Dramas for the Back Drawing Room; Princess Springtime, or the Envoy that Stole the King's Daughter ; La Sonnambulal or the Supper, the Sleeper, and the Merry Swiss Boy ; Pan; Lucia di Lammermoor ; Pandora's Box; A Hundred Thousand Pounds; William Tell with a Vengeance; or, the Pet, the Patriot, and the Pippin; Lucretia Borgia, M.D.; The Lancashire Lass; Blow for Blow ; Not such a Fool as he Looks ; Lord Bateman; or, the Proud Young Porter and the Fair Sophia, The Corsican Bothers; or. The Troublesome Twins; Orange Tree and the Humble Bee; English Gentleman; Daisy Farm; Prompter's Box, 4-c., ^c. THOMAS HAILES LACY, THEATRICAL PUBLISHER, LONDON. First produced at the Royal Strand Theatre^ {under the management of Mrs, Swanborough)^ Monday^ the 2ith of Ap'il^ 1871. 2 EURYDICE, r\ ^ w pq •-< P4 t-cJ b* r! S' a I 05 OS I 03 ^ V g - > 2 S'*; l-s o ;1 ^ -- nIJ * «0 os 5^ :t5l SHr-fe" -dl|^ r/1 S b « w- Ph V r Cl] ^ P j:;; Q 5 ^ gSg"^^£ fe w w a & r'^ ^ r^^ T EUKYDICE. Scene First. — Exterior of the Cottage of Orpheus^ r. ; rustic stool outside house^ r. ; music to open scene, EuRYDiCE/rom house^ r., with open letter. Euryd. Of all the impudent outrageous fellows ! He knows I^m married and my husband jealous ; But notwithstanding writes me these love letters. [reads) “ Sweetest Eurydice — quick, break your fetters. “ Be mine. I love you, let's fly. He won't see us. Yours, Henry — commonly called Harry- Stasus." No, Aristaeus, you must be aware That with my husband you cannot compare ; He is a gentleman, and you are not. You're a bold rider, and a first-rate shot, [looking in house) But Orpheus is a ‘‘ simple dear," which I Am not^ as you'll discover by and bye. But here comes Orpheus, sadder too than ever. Oh, dear, I wish he wasn't quite so clever, [music) Enter Orpheus from house^ r., with a large manuscript. Orpheus. My novel sent me back, my play returned. My tragic poem laughed at, chaffed at, spurned. My essays sneered at, jeered at, thrown aside. And the taxgatherer won't be denied Another time. Then there's the butcher, too, His looks are like his livery — most blue. The milkman calls here in his daily walks, And never seems inclined to walk his chalks. The fishmonger, the baker, and the grocer. Have but one cry — it's ‘‘ Pay us what you owe^ sirJ' Euryd. What's to be done ? Orpheus. What's to be dunned^ you mean. Since I've been out has anybody been ? Sc. 1.] EURYDICE. 5 Euryd. (d)'ops letter) Why no — that is — I mean — {tries to pick up letter) Oki’iieus. {j)lacing his foot on letter) Ha! Ha, ha! what's that *? Euryd. {aside) Why didn’t I destroy it, silly flat ! Oh 1 ’Orror. Orpheus. Orror — how it’s spelt you know. Euryd. I’ve only dropped a letter. Orpheus. Aitcli — justso.^ Euryd. It’s nothing but a bill. It’s not, I vow. Orpheus, {picking up letter) One of the few bills I can take up now. A letter ! And from Aristaeus too — Does wrong to me when he does write to you. That I mean mischief long he shall not doubt. {crosses l.) I’m off — if he’s at home, I’ll find him out. Euryd. (r., drawing him hack to c.) Beware, he’s used to many a hard tussel ; Whilst you’re the merest shrimp^ dear, he’s all muscle. Training has made him a most awkward foe. He’s a great huntsman ! Orpheus. Doubtless ; and also He’s a great rascal — ^jewels he presents To ladies, with most sinister intents. Euryd. He aims so sure, he kills all birds that fly. Brings down the heron with un-heron eye; Hunts down wild bulls, that with a single toss, kill. Orpheus. In him there’s very much less Hunt that Raskill. Here goes to put his spirit to the proof. Tar-tar! {music^ exit Orpheus, l. 2 e.) Euryd. Well, my admirer ’d better keep aloof. Or else there’ll be — {screams) Arist^us enters suddenly l. 3 e. He is dressed in an exaggerated mixture of hunting and classical costume ; he carries a hrace of partridges in one hand^ and large hunting whip in the other. Arist. (l.) Yoicks ! Euryd. (r.) Don’t attempt heroics. Arist. {insinuatingly) I simply made the exclamation, “ Yoicks:^ G EURYDICE. [Sc.l. Permit me also to observe, “ Tantivy Also, “ Hark forward,'^ likewise ‘‘ Hey ho Chivy/' Two partridges for ^ow. You know my aim. El'uyd. I do — and also see your little game. Those birds shall never grace our larder's shelves. Keep them. A HIST. They're /resA, and so can keep themselves. [gives birds to Eurydice) Oh do not turn that lovely head aside ; You have turned mine. Once it was not denied That like a droll short play at the i\\Q-yayter^ I was a something of a farcey-natur. I laughed Ha ! ha ! I quaffed Ha ! ha ! as well ; Would 'midst my friends the jolliest stories tell ; Would sing the last song, or old ditties rural, Italian scenas, down to tooral-ooral ; Was a gay dog, allowed by all to be. Now all is changed — the wretched form you see Belongs to one who owns a blighted heart. I seldom shave — my hair I never part, Care not if food be tender or mere gristle; Sing! why I haven't got the heart to w'histle. You have done this! You know I called each day Not knowing there was some one in my way — Who'd come since yne — of memory sad revival — That I was cut out by a newer rival — This Orpheus — a mere scribbler — poet, pooh ! I'm an old hunter — yes, and hunter noo^ YTe'll see, li you ('ere dusk suggesteth Morpheus.) I can't bear off. (Eurydice starts) You know I can't bear Orph-eus. Euryd. Oh, you're beside yourself. Arist. [clutching her wrist) On the contra/r^, I'm beside you. I'm cunning, deep and wary. And as a peeler hangs about an airey Scenting suspicion on the part of Mary, Who on her part suspects a certain Sairey, Over the way — I'll carry out my plan. Euryd. Oh, Aristaeus, you're a dreadful man. Arist. You've made me so — I've turned a midnight reveller, [takes off hat) Nobody wears his hair much more disheveller ! EURIDICE. 7 Sc. 1.] {very loud) Perfidious woman, you have done it all. Euryd. I’m sure 1 never wanted you to call. Nor yet to shout. Arist. I took you to a hawl And through the mazy dance Euryd. ’Twas very mazy. Arist. Lancers ain’t easy Euryd. You were very hazy ; A partner who to spurs would hold adherence ! Arist. He did; it was to show his-pwr-severence. I stood some supper . Euryd, Which I didn’t touch. Arist. Till I could stand no longer ; had too much. Was packed off somehow and packed into bed. Euryd. Whilst Orpheus kindly drove me home instead. I always met you with a scowl most black — Hated your presence. Arist. Give ’em to me back. The watch I gave you, you wore long, I vow. Euryd. You needn’t keep a watch upon me now. Arist. Would I’d the brooches, and the bracelets too. 0/i, for the rings ! which by the way I do. To-day, a necklace gemmed with diamond speckless; To-morrow, rushing breathlessly and reckless To the swell jewellers, insanely fearing He, p’raps, might be removed and out of ear- ring ; Or that some opposition tradesman cruel Had killed the luckless gem 'un in a jewel. What am I talking of? I go like this When my thoughts turn upon my rival’s bliss. I hate him. Love me ! Come, now, don’t decline. And, for the fifty-thousandth time — ‘‘Be mine!” [sinks on to his knees) Oh ! oh 1 [as if he had hurt himself) Euryd. All needless, [goes to door of house^ r.) Arist. [getting up and limping) Needless! Euryd. {places stool in house with birds) Save your sorrow. Arist. [rubbing his leg) Ah, I shall have a knee-de-less to-morrow ! 8 EURYDICE. [Sc. 1. Duet — Air^ If ever I cease to Love^^ Arist. Like a mouse, I declare just as quiet I will be you will see, if you'll but Give me that delicate left hand In my right one, and not on my nut. I'm weary of courting and cooing. Yes, my dove — yes, by Juv! But in your case, Eurydice, I never can cease to love. May pigs perform on the flageolet. If ever I cease to love. Both. If ever I cease to love, If ever I cease to love. Arist. May I fall in the water and never get wet, If ever I cease to love. Euryd. Arist. Euryd. Arist. Both. Arist. Both. Once for all, Aristseus, can't bear you, So vanish for ever I pray. My dear one, you'd better take care, you Have not killed me yet, but you may. You're well aware how much I hate You all other folks above. But in your case, Eurydice, I never can cease to love. May Torpey be made police magistrate — If ever I cease to love. If ever I cease to love, If ever I cease to love. May London and Ryder present him with plate. If ever I cease to love. Arist. And now I know what I intend to do. Enter Orpheus, l. 2 e. V Orpheus, (l.) You here! you scamp! Arist. (c.) Ha, Orpheus! How de do? Shake hands, {offers hand) Orpheus, {knocks it away) Shake fists, you mean. Get out, sir; go! * Published by Hopwood & Crew, Bond Street. EUKYDICE. 9 Sc. 1.] Arist. a friend of mine — a publisher Orpheus. Halloa! Arist. A party who — who brings out books, you know. Orpheus. Just so; proceed. Arist. [going) But perhaps you may not mind. Good morning! Orpheus. Do stop, if you^d be so kind. Arist. I told him I knew you ; he^d like to know you, And any slight civility to show you. Such as — a — publishing your novel — then— Perhaps you haven^t got one. Orpheus. Vve got ten. Forgive my warmth, Eurydice, my dear, Vll just pop over and send in the beer. You prepare dinner, [going, l.) Arist. [stopping him) Beer ! This treat is mine. Your publican's pale ale is far from fine. Euryd. [aside) The wretch ! Arist. Let me suggest some dry old port. And as most folks are sometimes rather short. I always am ; for something stopped my growth. Permit me. [hands purse to Orpheus) Orpheus. Many thanks ! Arist. [bringing them down) I love you both ! Euryd. [aside to Arist^us) Why, what an alteration — very strange ! Arist. An alteration! Never mind the change, [to Orpheus) Exit Orpheus, l. 2 e., counting money. Euryd. Why, you've turned generous; I can scarcely speak For gratitude. Arist. [aside) He'll go before the beak. He'll get six months at least if it's a day. [aloud) Meanwhile, Eurydice, we far away, 'Neath southern skies (my love flame's never flicker'd) AYe both will bask it. Euryd. Basket! Oh, how wicker'd! AVhat can you mean? (music) Arist. The money's bad I gave him. By this time he's in custody. Euryd. [endeavouring to pass him) Oh, save him ! 10 EURYDICE. [Sc.l. Ill seek him out ; your treachery expose. Arist. [aside) Philandering further’s rubbish, so here goes. [seizing and dragging off Eurydice, l.) A handsome cab is waiting in the lane. Euryd. [with slight shriek) Oh, something’s been and bit me. [falls against Arist^us) Arist. Sold again. Euryd. While flying from — how very queer I feel — Your serpent's tongue — a serpent's stung my heel. There’s many a slip betwixt the cup and lip. Arist. She’s had a bite, and now she wants a nip. There, [giving her flask) Euryd. [after tasting) Hah! I am done for! [looks at watch) There’s a boat at six ; Perhaps you’ll kindly see me to the Styx. Arist. Once on it, you can ne’er get back to land. Euryd. A serpent’s bite is fatal, understand. A line to Orpheus. Arist. I’m with anguish tortured. Euryd. [writing in note book) “ Dear 0, — to-day, while slipping in mine orchard. My custom seldom of an afternoon, “ A serpent stung me.” Arist. Oh ! Euryd. I’m a gone coon. Duet, — Air^ Girl with the Glossy Hair."* Arist. You say you’re a gone coon, Americanish phrase, Which means, of course, as everybody knows. To Charon’s ferry, I, Will see you saf-e-ly. It’s some distance, so a hansom I propose. Euryd. That proposition is. More handsome than your phiz — Which never shall I see again, you know. Arist. In time through this event, With grief I shall go bent. If you’d see me, you’d not recognise your beau. * Published by Hopwood & Crew, Bond Street. Sc. 1.] EURYDICE. 11 Though you’ve always slighted me, I am sure, Eurydice, We should have made a very pretty pair. Euryd. There’s a hansom. Akist. Know the cabby. As I never treat him shabby, So he’ll drive like Nicodemus anywhere. Dance and exeunt^ r. 1 e. Enter Orpheus hurriedly^ l. 2 e. Orpheus. I’ll cut him short in his nefarious schemes ! Halloa ! he’s been and cut himself it seems. It’s only time the scoundrel thought of flittin’. What’s this? [seeing letter) Eurydice, by serpent bitten ! Eurydice, my wife ! Thus torn away, I’ll get each novel, pamphlet, essay, play, And building up a funeral pile on high. Go to the top of it and do a die. Apollo ! Music — Scene opens^ c., and Apollo enters and comes down^ L. c. Apollo. I’m Apollo. Orpheus. Kind indeed it Is, thus to come. Apollo. No flattery is needed. Orpheus. I’m mad — my wife has left me. [crosses^ l.) Apollo. Ha ! how sad. Orpheus. I want her back again. Apollo. I see you’re mad. Orpheus. No, I’ll get back my wife, and then Apollo. My friend. Since to sincere advice you won’t attend ; And as you will go seek your wife down there, A ticklish thing to do, as you’re aware ; I’ll lend you this, [handing a golden lyre) You poor, uxorious goose, I lend it though for use and not abuse. Its power’s magical, for when it’s played. All things surrounding will your wishes aid. DIWERfi^TY OF I.IBRARY 12 EURYDICE. [Sc. 2. Locks, bolts, and bars, for instance, fly asunder, If you express the wish. Orpheus. Pni struck with wonder. Apollo. But mind and recollect, it musn’t be Used, save in cases of emergency. Duet Air^ “ Touch the Harp gently Orpheus. 1^11 touch the lute gently, Apollo, youll see * And make them all dance with delight, ^ Till their heels and their toes will imagine repose Is a thing passed away from them quite. Apollo. Now Apollo you'll find, he is really your friend, And his gift will a useful one be ; And if you have luck vou'll recover your wife Youdl recover sweet Eurydice. ’ ( Ihen touch the lute gently, dear Orpheus, Ensemble, t and see j You’ll make them all dance with delight, &c. Orpheus. V I’ll touch the lute gently, &e. Exeunt Orpheus, r., Apollo throuffh scene, c. Scene Second. — The Banks of the Styx ; a board stuck up with “ Charon’s Ferry. This way to the Hades Boat. F are, One Obolus. Beware of Pickpockets. No Beturn Tickets issued.’ Gharon sings outside* Ch.4ron. Row, brothers, row, the stream sticks fast. There’s no one to Hades since daylight past. Charon enters in boat, n.— jumps out. Business is precious dull, ain’t took an obolus. I can’t make out what’s come to all the pobolus. My fare’s a trifle, all degrees to suit. And there’s no opposition on my route. I see a joke there about routes and Styx ; But I shan’t make it, ’cos of the cri-tics. Now, who’s for Hades ? This way, ladies, trade is Most underpaid is. This way to the shad-es. There ain’t no passengers. Halloa ! who's this ? * Published by Hopwood & Crew, Bond Street. Sc. 2.] EURYDICE. 13 Enter Eurydice, l. 2 e. I beg pardon — going over, miss. Concerted Piece. Air^ ^^Old Catch and College HornpipeP Euryd. a boat, a boat, across the ferry ; This place doth me extremely terri- Fy. Your wherry^ s quite safe ? Charon. Werry. A/r, ‘‘ Jack RohinsonP If you step inside, you will find it trim and taut, And I’ll row you over, and see you safe in port. Euryd. Your fare I think’s an obolus — it’s there, sir. Charon. That’s your sort. You’ll be there before you could exclaim Jack Kobinson 1” I’ve a pair of sculls, and a sail to unfurl, And though my wherry’s not built by Searle, She’s a good ’un, and I’ve been and called her Euryd. What ? Charon. The Early Peaid !” A prettier cognomen than “Jack Kobinson !” It’s ready, at the passenger’s beck and call. And it flies, like the wind, does my wherry small ; And sooner than you cross the Thames, at Green- wich or Blackwall, You’ll be there ’ere you could holler out “ Jack Robinson !” Euryd. Farewell, dear Orpheus ! Charon. Lawks ! it never can be ; You don’t mean for to go and say as you’re Eurydice ? I’m a young man from the country, but you don’t get over me. Euryd. But it’s true. Charon. As soon have thought it was “Jack Robinsoil.” SailoPs Hornpipe. B 14 EURYDICE. [Sc. 2. Charon. Now step inside. (Eurydice gets in) That’s it, all right the pair on us. Euryd. Oh, dear! Em frightened, Charon; pray take care on us. Wish I was over there. Charon. Sit still, my dear. Or else most likely you’ll be over here. You see, you make it quite lopsided float. You’ve tipped me, but you needn’t tip the boat. Euryd. Tip you ? You’re tipsy. Charon. Pray, don’t angry get ; Tipsy indeed 1 — ain’t half seas over yet I’ve got one scull, you steer— now I’ve the oder, see. Now then, Eurydice, just you hold your rudder^ see. Now you can guide us safe across the ferry, So leave off trimming me, and trim the wherry. The river can’t abear to hear a riot. It’s easy to get over if you’re quiet. Euryd. Styx easy to get over? Charon. Quiet keep ! Euryd. I always heard it was so very deep. Charon. Don’t you attempt them jokes with Pluto, mind, Though in a furnace he is not refined. Duet — Air^ Over the SeaJ^ Charon. Eurydice, Pluto will be Very delighted yourself, ma’am to see; Jealous of he Is Prosperine-e. Euryd. Charon, do please go along. Music, — they row off,, r. Orpheus rushes in^ l. 2 e. Orpheus. Hi ! Ease her ! back her ! stop her ! Charon drop it 1 He’s rowing right off with my precious poppet. She’s gone off just like poor Eily O’Connor; Charon I Come back for me. Charon, [outside) ^7®? your honour ! 15 Sc. 2.] EURYDICE. Orpheus. That sluggish stream scarce moves — those ancient bricks Were right in calling such a river “ Styx.^' Like a school pudding, where the master’s mean, There’s hardly any currant to be seen. Well, Charon’s berth I can’t say would suit me. Enter Arist^us, l. 1 e. Arist. I couldn’t keep up with Eurydice. {lie stumbles against Orpheus, who turns — they recognise each other) Why, Orpheus, how ubiquitous you are ! Orpheus, let me Orpheu — s — igar ! [offers case) Regale yourself with a regalia. Orpheus, {with contempt) Clown ! Arist. {aside) Regalia! P’raps I’d better mind my crown. Would from my amorous eyes her spouse had kept her. Talking of crowns ^ why did I hint ol* sceptre^ [intercept her) I’ve taken nothing by the motion, not. But what 1 shall take, something rather hot. There’s. something in his eye makes me incline. To think I soon shall something get in mine. Oh ! Orpheus, my young friend, mind what you do, sir, I’m hale and stout, in other words, a brew^ sir. [squaring) I’ve taken lessons, small foes how to drop ’em, [aside, confidentially) Why I took lesduns was ’cos I could whop ’em. He seems to be preparing. Orpheus. Aristseus, We are alone — where nobody can see us. Come on. Arist. I don’t feel inclined, boy, for a tussel ; Besides, the match ain’t fair ; you know, ray muscle ; Or rather don’t. I’m used to spar with those Parties who show a slight bend in the nose, 16 EUEYDICE. [Sc. 2. Cropped head, thick neck, obtrusive high cheek bones ; In fact, a party by the name of Jones, Otherwise, Chickaleery Ginger,” owns That I can hammer^ one ! two! safe and sw-er. Better than any other hammer-twoerr So donT do nothing rash, young party, please, Tos you^d repent it ph'aps. Orpheus, [seizing him hy the throat) Dog, on your knee, Admit your guilt, and humbly ask my pardon! Arist. Don't — every knuckle that you've got's a hard'un. ‘‘ I pry thee take thy fingers from my throat.” Orpheus. Be quick, each minute I expect the boat. Arist. Let go, you fierce young vagabond, you hurt. Not to say anything about my shirt, Which you're a rumpling— hands off! Since you will Go in for what the P. E. calls a mill,” You shall have one of my ‘‘knock-downers” now, I hope you've made your will. Music— They square^ Arist^us makes a rush at Orpheus ; at that moment Charon's boat comes on^ and Charon knocks Arista us on the head with his scull — picture^ Charon, [gets out of boat) What's all this row? Arist. [crosses^ l.) You've cracked my skull with that tremendous blow — Charon. I'm werry good at sculling, don't you know. Don't you attempt, my friend, with me to box. For I'm the son of Erebus, and knocks. Trio. Orpheus. Now I'll pop aboard quick, Charon. And I'll row you over slick. Arist. I'll get a pint of vinegar and paper, oh ! For you've smashed my occiput. Orpheus. Pooh ! Pshaw ! And likewise tut ! Charon. Then you shouldn't try the captivating caper, oh ! La-la, li, li, &c. Dance and exeunt^ r. EURYDICE. 17 Sc. 3.] Scene Third. — Pluto* s Drawing Room, An evening 'party is going on — a mixture of the modern and the infernal ; a decanter of sherry and glass^ and seed calce^ on table^ c. ; Imps and Impesses. discovered ; (Eacus, Rhadamanthus, anc? Minos, in Judges* wigs, Rhadamanthus. Really, our monarches anything but sordid, But he’s so warm, that he can well afford it. Here comes our charming hostess, and our misses. Music — Enter Proserpine, l. 2 e.; Guests gather round. Pros. What, my Lord Chancellor ! Now really this is Most kind of you to come so soon. Dear me ! Where can the Fates and the Three Furies be ? They promised they’d come early to assist. You three, of course, would like a game at whist ? I’ll fetch you a nice fourth. Rhad. [aside) Well, it’s so hot, I wish she’d fetch an ice forth on the spot. Enter the Three Fates, l. 1 e. Pros. Ah, my dear Fates, you all three look like houris. Have you seen anything, love, of the Furies ? Clotho. We passed them, and they asked us if we wouldn’t Bring them — our carriage being small, we couldn’t. Pros. But here they are. (Fates cross at hack^ to r.) Enter the Three Furies, l. 1 e. Good evening, dears ; delighted To see you all. Alecto. Hem ! we were not invited To your last party. Pros. ’Twas for old folks quite, This is for young and pretty ones to-night. Alecto. Well, dear, then that is quite another thing. Pros. Of course; so pray enjoy yourself, [flourish) All. The King! 18 EURYDICE. [Sc. 3. Enter King Pluto, walks round stage to music, I am King Plu-u-to, Monarch of do-o-o-wn below ! And I stand ne-e-ver no Nonsense at all, From great or small. From great or small. Air^ Jim CrowE Turn about and wheel about, Or else it will be slow ; Mind and toe and heel about. And also heel and toe. Turn about and wheel about, Each dance that’s all the go ; Polka and quadrille about. And do just so. (Pluto repeats solemnly the Faust March^^ while the rest sing sotto voce,, “ Turn about and wheel ahout,,^^ ^c., harmonized,) Pluto. Bless you, my people ! in your alcove’s gloom, You’ll find a rather snug refreshment room. It isn’t large, but there’s of cake some slices. And if your warm, why my advice is — ices. If you search carefully among the spoons, You’ll possibly observe some macaroons. Flanked by a modicum of lemonade. Which p’rhaps is warm, as it’s been sometime made ; And some South Afric sherry, strong and new. Which when you try it, friends, will perhaps try you. From lordly seed cake, down to modest bun. Pitch in, be merry, but don’t pocket none. ilfw 52 c.— Guests go off,, r. and l., singing “ Wheel about” ^c, Pluto, (l.) Now that we’re quite alone, I really must Express my feelings, ma’am, or I shall bust. Do you suppose Pm made of money, eh ? We give up party- giving from to-day. [crosses, r. c. — taking up sherry) Music , — Pluto. EURYDICE. 19 Sc. 3.] Sherry ! Ha, ha ! for a musician, too. When Cape at one and sevenpence would do. She'd ruin me completely if I'd let her. A seed cake, and I never se'ed a better : You've a new dress too, and extremely dear ; I've worn my dress coat, ma'am, for fourteen year. Pros, (l.) I don't complain of your dull dinner parties. Pluto, (r.) What ! You complain — well, that a pretty start is ! You're young, good-looking — as you've oft been told — 'Twill be high time to come plain when you’re old. 'Twill something cost to sup that crowd of ninnies ; There's the pianist too, from Coote and Tinney's. My tin is taxed. I feel like angry Scot, That, coute qui coute — I could kick oot the lot ! Pros. Perhaps you'd have preferred the governess ? Pluto. As I don't dance myself, I must say yes. Look what I have to stand ! Pros. Well, take a chair. Pluto. I tell you what, ma'am, I won't stand it, there ! Pros. I wish I'd never married you, I do ! Pluto. In which remark, I quite agree with you. Pros. These brimstone halls don't with my health agree. Pluto. Brimstone, indeed! a nice in suit fur me! I'll speak about divorce to (Eacus, And make him put the law in force-for-ws ! Put it in phosphorus — it's very clear. They must when they've to end a match^ ray dear. Pros. Mine was a dull one. Pluto. Why, then, did you strike it ? You did, decidedly, and seemed to like it. Pros. Well, 'twas a low match — quite beneath my station. Pluto. A low match ! — that is mere high-match-ination ! Pros. I am the child of Ceres, as you'll see. Pluto. The series of remarks you make to me Are so rude, I shall hop off till they stops. I am the son of Saturn, ma'am, and Ops ! The sauviter in modo dropped must be In favour of the fortiter in re. (Proserpine screams) 20 EURYDICE. [Sc. 3. Pros. Why have this row then ? ^0 fainting don^t you go off — if you do^ I give you notice I shall go off too. Pluto. Pluto. Pros. Oh, you're a brute ! Come, did I begin it ? I am, and glory in it. Duet. Go to Putney:' 1 LUTO. I am a king, as you're aware ; If you don’t like your station, I give you warning, Proserpine, To change your situation. Although it's rather warm down here. And chops require no chutnee, You should appreciate your lot ; You don't— so Go to Putney." i^polcen) Of course I use that familiar phrase simply in a figurative sense, because Hades and Putney are not adjacent, but its a sort of relief to one's feelings when one s wife irritates one to say — say [sings) Go to Putney — go to Putney — Go to Putney— go, ma'am, do. Go to Fulham, Chelsea too. Go to Putney — go to Putney, Jump into a “ Royal Blue." Go to — Pimlico. Pros. I am a queen, if you're a king j You know that my relation To you is that of wife, and so I'll brook no botheration. You'll find no nonsense will I stand. Of capers don’t you cut any. Or in my turn I’ll do the grand, And pack you off— to Putney. [sings) Go to Putney, &c. Pluto. Really, my Proserpine grows wuss and wuss ! I'll Serb her out. But where is Cerher-us^ [dances Puoserpine, l. 1 e.) EURYDICE. 21 Sc. 3.] My faithful dog ? Hi, Cerby ! [whistles) Come here, sir! Come, my old faithful triple-headed cur. [music) Enter Cerberus, r. 1 e., a dog with three heads. My dog, who picks up everything one teaches. Has got three heads, like Mr. Gladstone's speeches ; But, as might naturally be expected. His are considerably more connected. Enter Charon with Eurydice, r. 1 e. Pluto. Well, Charon, so youVe brought a fare, I see. Charon. Yes, something like a fair. Pluto, (l.) Oh, gracious me ! AVhat is this feeling, and this sudden glow ? Euryd. Perhaps it's indigestion. [crosses^ r. c.) Pluto. Oh, dear, no I Euryd. Pastry’ll produce it, or a sudden start. Pluto. This is the heart. Euryd. I thought it might be tart. Pluto. These tart replies, are thrown away on us. Euryd. That’s p’raps because your King of Tart-arus. Pluto. My dear, you’re very smart, that must I say. Euryd. I dressed, sir, just before I came away. Pluto. I am a king — a king ! So please no sauce. Just recollect our station^ miss. Euryd. [half aside) King’s Cross, I’ve crossed one Styx, but never thought that you Would prove to be a monarch cross as two. Pluto. Cross as two sticks, ha, ha I Charon (r.) Why all the way She cut jokes like a fellow in a play. Conundrums asked — in fact, she called should be, Eu-riddle-see, and not Eurydice. Euryd. Why can your Styx Pluto. Euryd. Ha, ha! Be never bare ? Because your barque is always on it. Charon. ’ Euryd. Why is There ! 22 EURYDICE. [Sc. 3. Pluto. Now, stop! This riddling will not do. [aside) My heart! alas! this lass has riddled through. Into the servants' hall retire. [crosses to Eurydice, up r.) Charon. All right ! A nod's as good as a — (Cerberus flies at him) Now then, don't bite. Music. — Exeunt Charon, chased hy Cerberus. Pluto. My life was colourless, like stripling’s beard. Completely colourless till hue appeared. True, on their king my numerous subjects doat. You've changed this sovereign, [on his knees) Euryd. Do please change your note. Pluto. You're in my power, and you can’t decline ; Treasure, you're 'neath the earth, and must be mine. Euryd. Mine 'neath the earth ; that shaft’s too deep for me. Pluto. And I the collier venturesome shall be, Who on the precious valuables bent, Seizes 'em ! Euryd. Collier! coll-yer-^cM agent? Pluto. A-gent for colliery. Ha, ha! [winks) Euryd. Don’t wink. You're more like Old King Cole himself, I think. [crosses^ r.) Pluto, [aside) This style won't do, the manner Claude Melnottish, Is more enticing. Here goes, rather hottish. Dearest, would’st have me paint [drawing her arm through his., and walking about) Euryd. I think I would. At present your complexion isn't good. Pluto. I meant to paint our home, that you might view it. Euryd. I think I’d let house decorators do it. It would be cheaper. Pluto. Yes, to me, quite true. But I would make it dearer., love, to you ; This hand would lead thee, beautiful new comer, A palace lifting to Euryd. ‘‘ Infernal summer." EURYDICE. 23 Sc. 3.] Pluto, {aside) Quite true. Eukyd. Go on — IVe listening powers rare. You have my ear. Pluto. Ha, ha ! she has me there. {alluding to his heart) Euryd. I heard you had a wife. Pluto, {aside) With rage I stifle. {aloud) Yes just a trifle, {aside) Proserpine a trifle ! {aloud) How could the fact across the Styx have passed? Euryd. Oh, evil news, sir, travels very fast. Pluto. We quarrel more than any one would think. In fact we are on separation’s brink, A brink as steep as are the cliffs of Dover, If you’ll accept me Euryd. Yes. Pluto. I’ll throw her over. My admiration I cannot restrain. One chaste salute, {about to kiss her) Enter suddenly the Three Pates, l. Fates. Hem, hem, hem ! Pluto. Sold again ! 1st Fate, {to 2nd Fate) Kissing another when he’s got a wife. Let’s go and make her miserable for life. We must tell Proserpine ere it’s too late, For anything like secresy I hate. Clotho. Beg pardon, really we were not aware You were engaged. Fates. Well, did you ever ! Exeunt^ l. I e. Euryd. (r.) There ! You’ve done it now. Pluto. Those Fates should all know better. Euryd. She’ll tell your wife. Pluto. Who cares ? I don’t — Ha ! let her. I’ll not be baulked again — there’s no one near — I’ll have a kiss or die for it. 24 EUEYDICE. [Sc. 3. Music — Enter Three Furies, r. 1 e. Alecto. (r.) My dear! He tried to kiss her ! At the thought I chafe, Why none of us poor trembling things are safe. Why, gracious me, he might kiss me or you I Euryd. Yes, mum, he might, but he's not likely to. Alecto. At once poor Proserpine must know it, there 'Twill break her heart— but that's not our affair. This is no place for us — Oh, dear me, no I (crosses to corner) The instant supper's over, dear, we'll go. ^ Exeunt Furies, r. 1 e. Pluto. E'en as a little boy, who tasting jam, Reckless of consequences, has a cram. Thinking that for a sheep as for a lamb He may as well be hung — so will I snatch Not one salute, Eurydice — a batch ! Music Pluto runs after and plumps into the arms of Proserpine, who enters^ l. 1 e., attended by Fates and Guests — Furies enter^ r. Pros. (l. c. — drawing herself up) Well, this is pretty. Pluto, (r. c.— pointing to Eurydice) This is pretty too. (crosses^ l.) Pros, (crosses^ c., and curtseys to Eurydice, r.) And might I humbly ask, ma'am, Who are you? I'm not aware I sent you an invite, ma'am. Though all of us your presence may delight, ma'am. Such condescension Euryd. Madam, spare your sneers. My conduct's not so bad as it appears. Alecto. What! When we saw you almost kissed before us? Fates. And so did we. Pluto. Stop that atrocious chorus ! 'Twas out of welcome that the deed was done — A royal salute. Ptios. You wretch, that's twenty-one ! Pluto, I'll be divorced ! (crosses^ r., and back to c.) Alecto. Poor dear, I would. Pros. Farewell for ever, monster! (crosses^ l.) Pluto, (c.) Very good! Sc. 3.] EURYDICE. 25 Concerted Piece. — Air, After the OperaP Pluto. After this uproar is over, To this state of things I will make, You^ll see, ma'am, an end — for in clover In future my pleasure I'll take. Pkos. You're quite a disgrace to your crown, A crown I will no longer share. Pluto. You're a regular old Mrs. Brown, (Proserpine screams) Pros. And you are an elderly bear ! [faints on his shoulder — the Fates, bring smelling salts and powder puff^ Pluto. After this uproar is over, And all these young ladies have gone — (Proserpine revives) As sure as there's lobsters at Dover, My bidding, by Jove, shall be done. Air . — “ Waxwork ShowP Pluto. YouVe never seen great Pluto in a roaring, regal rage. He stamps, and raves, and rushes here and there about the stage ! Pros. Eurydice can equal him — Alecto, is it true ? Alecto. (r.) Oh, really, yes, your majesty, we quite agree with you. Pluto. I won't be crossed, — I won't be sauced, — I won't be bullied here. Euryd. The bullying — a pleasant term — is on your side it's clear. A pretty scene, to let your queen be made to look so small. Pluto. I won't have any more of this — here finish up the ball. Go fetch the cabs, the carriages, and go and find your shawls. Put on your cloaks, and stop your jokes, and quit these ‘‘ noble halls c 26 EUEYDICE. [Sc. 3. Of dazzling light” — You’ll feel the might of Pluto’s rather strong, I Ve only one remark to make, and that is — go along ! Chorus. Go fetch our cabs and carriages, &c. Exeunt Fates and Eurydice, r. 2 — Furies, l. 1 e. and Pluto, r. 1 b,— dancing off. Pros, {aloud) All wronged Medea's jealousy and hate. Are boiling through my veins, I beg to state. I'll be revenged too — ah, but how, yes how ? ' Enter Cerberus, r. 1 e. Well, Cerberus. Curb. ^ - Excuse me— but, bow, wow ! The boat's just in. Boat me, no boats — I'm mad ! Curb. Containing an extremely tidy lad. Pros. A lad ! ^ One passenger alone it had in, It's just pulled up alongside. Bros. ^ With a lad, in ! Quick, show him up, we will inspect the youth. Enter Orpheus and Charon, r. 1 e. Charon. A smartish row, your honour, that's the truth. Orpheus. Well, talking of the truth— which I admire, Perhaps you'll just oblige me with my hjre. {slings it on shoulder) Charon. My fare's an obol — I've an aged mother. Couldn't you o&oZige us witli another? Orpheus. There, {gives money) Who's that lady ? (.HA HON. Proserpine, our queen. Orpheus. You see I'm generous, {gives money) Charon.^ ^ You behold her mien, Isn’t it stately ? Orpheus. ^ Tell me all about. her. Here is more money, {gives it) Charon. You're an out an'outer. Ihios. {aside) What a sweet youth— how different from my wretch ! Orpheus. You'll call for me at twelve. Bharon. I never fetch. EURYDICE. Sc. 3.] Tills is a bourne from 'svliicli no traveller Ever returns. Good night. Exlt^ k. 1 n. Orpheus, (r. c. ) I say, you sir I Bourne — I’m not dead! Pros. Wedl try to make your stay As pleasant as we can. Orpheus, [aside) What shall I say? [aloud) I've lost my wife — that start, what means it ? Pros. Why, I wouldn't mourn for such a wife, not I. Orpheus. Not I — she’s not been naughty. She's a shade. Pros. Yes, a shade worse than ever, I'm afraid. Orpheus. Has she forgotten me? Pros. Not only you — But she's forgotten Orpheus. What ? Pros. Herself? Orpheus. Oh, pooh ! I'ROS. That's rude. The conduct of a wedded lady, Who flirts with married men, is Orpheus, [placing his arm around her) Rather shady. Pros. Shady ! It's shameful ! Wonder how you can ? Orpheus. It's more disgraceful in a married man. [squeezing her) ^[adam, I thought I should be wretched here. But since Eurydice, it's very clear, 'S forgotten me — believe me when I say^ I've never loved Pros. Good gracious ! Orpheus. Till to-day. Pros. But, sir, I'm married — it were vain concealing. Orpheus. You are, so can appreciate my feeling. Pros. My husband is a brute. (Orpheus. He is, I’m sure. Pros. And quite as jealous as a blackamoor. I never gave him cause — I never flirt ; He seldom wants a button on his shirt. By me he's always studded, Orpheus. The're you’re wrong. I wonder that you’ve stud it half so long. Sweet madam, how I wish you’d fancy me ; Show, Proserpine, some reciprossertee. 28 EURYDICE. [Sc. 3. Pros. YouVe very bold. Orpheus. So are all lovers true. Pros. I like your impudence. Orpheus. I know you do. Pros. Your rudeness, sir, will make me leave in pique. Orpheus. Which means youll set your face against my cheek. Come, now, iPs ready — but by no means rough, I^m a young shaver with the merest fluff. Now won^t you with one kiss young Orpheus bless ? Pros. No, no ! Orpheus. No, no. Two negatives mean yes, Pros. Sir, on those negatives you mustn't seize. Don't take from them a bad impression, please. Or in my portrait there'll appear a flaw. Orpheus. I'm no photographer, though said to draw. Pros. With smart remarks he gets around my heart. Orpheus. We often get around by being smart. Pros. Well, if you take one for a joke — don't tell. Orpheus. I always take those kind of jokes so well. [aside) That's what I call encouraging — so there ! Music— kisses her— Enter Pluto, Fates, Furies and Guests from r. and l. — picture. Pluto. What do I see ? Euryd. Well, Orpheus, I declare! Pluto. You dare to kiss Queen Proserpine? Pros. Well, you Kissed that Eurydice. Orpheus. ‘ Ah ! Is that true ? Pluto. False creature ! Euryd. Monster ! Orpheus. Heartless woman ! Pros. Cruel I Orpheus. The whole afiair must finish in a duel. I call you out. Pluto. Shan't come, and you shan't go. Orpheus. I will, and take my wife back. Pluto. Will you though ? Well, we'll see to that. Ho! Cerberus, come here ! Don't let that party pass you. Cerb, (r.) Never fear ! Sc. 4.] EURYBICE. 29 Euryd. Agony! Pros. Rage ! Orpheus. This surely is a case Of dread emergency. All in the place Shall dance, despite their will ; I'll make ^em go it. The whole community shall heel and toe it. (All commence to dance) Concerted Piece. Orpheus. I'll make 'em dance, I'll make 'em prance, So that they cannot stop it, Until they begs, With aching legs. Of Or-phe-us to drop it. Now, little lyre, come do your best, And make the party hop it, His majesty and all the rest, Except my pretty poppet. Orpheus. Up I go, Pluto. High gee woh. Pros. Oh 1 oh I oh ! Orpheus. Heel and toe, Pros. I can't stop, Alecto. I shall drop, Pluto. Right down flop. Euryd. It is so Dreadful to Cerb. Kickeraboo, Euryd, Gracious Plu Orpheus. to-to-to. All. Skipping, tripping, hopping, dropping, flopping. We shall drop. {dance Tcept up furiously till end of scene. — exeunt Orpheus and Eurydice) Scene Fourth — Landscape, Enter Charon, counting his money. Charon. Well, trade at last is looking up a bit. {tries money) That's not a good one, I'm quite sure of it. 30 EURYDICE. [Sc. 4. Somebody’s done me of my fare — how shabby — To treat me as a swindler’d treat a “ cabby.” Charon’s existence is a trifle prosy, Though he rows over^ it’s not over rosy. To find his fare — a miserable brown — Quite unlike Greenwich fair — is not put dovm. (Arist^us heard without faintly) Arist. Yo-oi-cks! Tally ho! Hark forward! Charon, {looking off^ l.) Oh, Poor Aristseus, since that dreadful blow I gave you on the head ; also the one You got in losing her, what have you done To bring yourself to this? Enter Arista us — he is thin^ sallow^ shrunk^ and sad — his head is plastered^ and tied up with white handkerchief. Arist. Oh dear, oh gracious ! My head is for my cap far too capacious. I’m that shrunk at the wash — my eyes, I vow Were pairs, but oh, my eyes! behold ’m now. Pears! more like damsons. Once my nose was said To be the finest feature in my head; Then of ‘‘ prime Grecian ” it was quite a case. Now it’s an insult to my very face. Charon. Bear up, old chap. Arist. I’m not old — that’s the worst of it. Once of society I had the first of it. But into difficulties Fate has thrown one. My sole society is now a loan one. (’haron. a lone one ! By yourself you mean? Arist. Oh, no. Buy myself! sell myself! pay all I owe ; And then heigh-o for Hades ! See my chest ; An only son a sinking in the west. Look at my legs, I once was proud to show ’em, And now when I behold ’em, I don’t know ’em. Oil, oh ! Eurydice, to leave me thus ! Charon. About Eurydice don’t make a fuss. Though you were of all hopes of her bereft — She is all right. Aiust. She isn’t right — she’s left. EURYDICE. 31 Sc. 4.] She, who for untold gold, I wouldn’t barter her — Gone with my heart ! I think that I’ll go liart-QV her. I’ll catch her up, or rather down. Charon. Just so; It’s facilis decensus to — you know. If you facilis decensus will A HIST. Oh, drop de-ce?25i^5 or you’ll make me ill. I filled the paper up, it’s very true. And put down every age of course I knew ; But my old housekeeper, who lived with me, E’en from my birth (she came old — fifty-three ; At least she looked it), I tliink wasn’t quite Doing as low folks say “ the thing what’s right.” When (and I couldn’t make her change her tune) She vowed her age was ‘‘ thirty-four next June.” Younger than me ! So if it’s truth she sworn. She nursed me previous to her being born. But let’s to Hades. Charon. Wait a bit — you know Alive to Pluto’s realms, you couldn’t go. Before you go to Hades, don’t you know. You first must die. Akist. Must I? That is a go! But I’m prepared for anything, and so If you’ll your boat get ready for a row, I’ll join you at the Charon. “ ’Nuff said,” Quantum sufficit, {going e.) Aeist. {clutching him hg wrist) I say — the river — ’tisn’t very rough, is it ? I’m a bad sailor. Charon. Smooth as^ glass, my hearty. Exit^ R. 1 E. Arist. He ain’t a very pleasant water party. That dreadful river has no kind of fish in if. However Mr. Buckland might be wishin’ it — He couldn’t gammon salmon there — no trout. Whitebait or mack’rel’s to be seen about : No thievish pike — of small fish the purloiner. Nor does a carp-enter, I soon shall jom-cr. 32 EURYDICE. [Sc. 5. Song. Air — Thafs where the laugh comes in^ I^m going to Hades by Charon^s Ferry ; To all my acquaintance I now bid good bye. I hate stormy weather, and winter canT bear. IVe got just sufficient to pay for my fare. I^m going to Hades, it^s jolly warm there. That’s where the laugh comes in. I soon shall be close to sweet Eurydice, Down where she will not so particular be ; And p’raps she will look kindly on Aristse-us, If she don’t my condition will be rather wuss. Once there — I can never come back by the bus. That’s where the laugh comes in. I’m a man full of misery, worry, and woes, From the tops of my toes to the tip of my nose; I’m a terrible warning to bachelors gay, And chaps who go on in a wheedling way. And to all such parties, the least I can say, That’s where the laugh comes in. Dances off^ R. Scene Fifth. — A Rocky Passage. Lights half down. Enter Orpheus hurriedly^ r. 2 e. Orpheus. I’ve left them all completely blown — the lot ! And now to seek the earth I’ve only got To swim the Styx : but stay, that chilly river, They say is apt to give one such a shiver. That in a brace of shakes one quits this life. Besides, I don’t like leaving my poor wife. Enter Eurydjce, r.) Euryd. Orpheus, don’t leave me here. Orpheus. The helpless babby Euryd. It’s shabby, {goes up^ c.) Orpheus. Poets, dear, are often shabby. Enter Proserpine, r. Pros. You haven’t gone — would I could fly with thee ! Euryd. Upon my word, (comes, l.) Pros. That minx, Eurydice ! EURYDICE. 33 Sc. 5.] Orph. This lady is my wife ! [taking her arm) Pros. She takes your arm. Orpheus. The only arm I hope she will take, ma^am. Pros. But when just now you said Orpheus. Madam, since then My sentiments have changed. Pros. You men ! You men ! Nicely you pay us out, whenever we trust In your fond promises. Orpheus. Excuse me, just Let me observe, it^s open much to doubt, If you need trust us, when we pay you out. [takes her hand) Oh, Proserpine, forgive me— let me go. And take Eurydice : Come, don’t say no. Pluto ’ll do anything you ask ; be lenient ; Do let us go as soon as it’s convenient. Enter Pluto, r. Pluto. At it again, under my very nose, [crosses to l. c.) Eurydice, behold me. Here I throw’s Myself at your two feet, as flounder flat. I love you. Euryd. Do you, Impudence ? Take that ! [slaps his face — he falls) Pros, {crosses, c. r.) You’ll pay for this. Pluto, you’ll pay for this. I, who have never done or thought amiss. Insulted by my husband and a creature [crosses to Eurydice, l.) Who hasn’t got — no, not a single feature. [turns to Pluto) And as for you — you call yourself a king? Poor, cowering, grovelling, miserable thing. Pluto, [looking up dejected) Thing ! On the contrary, I look so small. I can’t say that I feel the thing at all. Pros. You’ll dare to kiss another to my face. Euryd. (l.) No ; ’twas to my face. Pros. You shall quit the place. Orpheus. Hooray ! 34 EUKYDICE. [Sc. 5. Pros. Who raises that there observation ? [crosses^ r. c.) For a great king, a pretty situation ! Upon the floor King Pluto^s regal crown. Pluto. My dear, you needn^t kick me when I’m down. Pros. I don’t know that. Pluto. Malevolence don’t show Upon this prostrate sovereign Plu — (Prosperine kicks him) — toe ! Orpheus, [aside to Prosperine) Now, if you’d let us go, your rival she Would be removed ; all cause of jealousy Would then be Pros. So it would, a bright ideah. Pluto, get up. Pluto. I’m comfortable heah. And if it’s all the same Pros. Arise, sir! Pluto, [gets up) There ! Pros. A pass for two for Charon’s Ferry. Pluto. Where ? Pros. I said a pass for two for Charon’s Ferry. [hacks him to l. c.) You understand me — Am I not plain ! Pluto. Very! It is our rule — however it may vex — In Hades, ma’am, we have no pass-out checks. I say they don’t go — must preserve my rights. [Music, — Pluto cowers beneath Proserpine’s fury) Pros. In future, then, expect no sleep o’ nights ; No rest by day, for my harsh caudlish clack, Unless you let this hated couple pack! Sisyphus, Tantalus, Ixion’s fate Shall all be mild — indeed, I beg to state. Compared with yours ! The stone of Sisyphus Is cruel. Pluto. But this tone of yours is wuss. Pros. Tantalus’ tongue is parched and hot, rash fool. Ih.uTO. Compared to yours, my dear, I call it cool. Pros. Ixion’s wheel, though maddening, is a lamb, His life a pleasant course of weal and Pluto. Dam ! — [music stops) EURYDICE, 35 Sc. 5.] The prospect is too fearful ; they may go ; But only with this understanding though, That Orpheus goes first. Orpheus. Thaf s very kind. Pluto. And whilst he^s going, never look behind. Orpheus. Who wants to look behind at such as you ? You donT present such an enticing view; 131 look before, my glance straight onward keep. Pluto. My friend, you'd better look before — you leap. Your wife sliall follow closely on your track. If you leave Hades without looking back. Euryd. Dear Orpheus, you can do it — that's unless you Turn round to look at Proserpine. Pros. Oh, bless you, I've done with him, a fiddling scribbler low. Orpheus. The grapes are sour Pluto. That's our affair, you go. And we shall see, ere you have passed the door, Whether it's aux river or au revoir. If Charon asks for payment, give him nix — Orpheus. Old nix ? Pluto. Merely this ticket for the Styx. Concerted Piece. Pluto. Go, Orphe-us, Don't make a fuss. But retire qui-i-et-lee ; That is the way, Orpheus, good day. Tat, tat, tat, tat, tar, tar. Orpheus. Thankee ; I know The way to go. And so poli-i-et-lee, I say farewell, Pluto, old swell, Tra, la, la, lah, lah. Euryd. Oh ! won't it be delightful. And with joy I am quite full. Think of returning once more to the earth. Oh ! won't it be delicious, I, of your love ambitious ; You'll then discover Eurydice's worth ! 36 EURYDICE. [Sc. 5. Air^ ^^Kiss and he FriendsP Pluto. He little thinks how deep am I — He isn^t fly to perfi-dy. Pros. Although to go he'll make a try, I fear he will look round. Orpheus. I'm certain of my liberty Of sweet Eurydice. Pluto. He'll turn and listen. I’ll he bound, When Pluto gives a wee (imitates hiss) Zum-a-zum-zum ! Kiss and be friends — yes, from to-night — Oh ! I shall go distracted quite. Kiss and be friends — oh, what delight. Oh, jolly happy day! Zum-a-zum-zum, &c. (Eurydice, l. ; Pluto, l. c. ; Proserpine, r.c. ; Orpheus, r. — Proserpine smacks Pluto's face upon the last note) Orpheus. Good bye; I'm off! (going) What is this queer sensation ? Pluto's made more of this than there's occasion. Why, anyone can go without — and yet, Now that I mayn't look backward at my pet — Such is one's hatred at compulsion that I feel inclined to chance it, and that's flat, (during his speech crosses^ l.) Pluto. I know the obstinacy of the shaver. (aside) He wavers 1 Euryd. No he don't ! Oh, did you waver? Orpheus, (l.) When one's told not to do a thing how true it Is, that one longs so dreadfully to do it. Farewell I Pluto, (aside) Now then, Eurydice, my sweet. One kiss ! Orpheus. What words are those my ears that greet ? Pluto. One ! I'll have fifty 1 Euryd. Pluto. All. EUKYDICE. 37 Sc. 5.] Euryd. Never, I declare ! Orpheus. Oh, 1 can’t stand this ! Pluto. Nor can I — so there ! {kisses her — Orpheus turns — Eurydice runs into his arms — picture) Pluto. I knew you’d turn — you’ll stay 1 Pros. You both shall pine For ever in the cellar with the wine. Pluto. Or say the coals — of which we’ve endless tons — Both wife and nuhhy^ ’midst the nubbly ones. Euryd. How true the words outside have proved — oh, dear ! All hope abandon ye who enter here !” Orpheus. Certainly not ! Dear little lyre, I pray, Soften their hearts while I upon thee play. Soothe every savage breast and soften rocks As hard as Bouncer’s bed in Box and Cox. Pluto. Away with them! (Orpheus commences playing) What’s that 1 Pros. Don’t know — somehow I wish he’d stop. Pluto. Cease this melodious row ! {the scene becomes gradually lighter from this point) My heart feels softening — oh, do stop that strain! I even feel a softening of the brain. Pros. I feel so queer ! Oh, I’m remorseful, very. Pluto. All recollections of the past we’ll bury. Orpheus. Say, may we go? Oh, gentle Pluto, say. Pluto. I feel inclined to blubber ! Yes — you may ! Enter Charon, l., bringing in Arist^us. Hallo! Hallo! Charon. Hem, Aristseus. Orpheus. You ! My friend, I’m glad to see you — How d’ye do ? {shakes hands) Sorry we shan’t see much of you for we Are going back. Arist. You ! Orpheus. And Eurydice. 38 EUrwYDICE. [Sa 5. Arist. But I Pluto. Will stop. Arist. Stop! But look here, I say, If she^s permitted thus to go away, I'd rather go as well, [to Charon) What do you mean By bringing me into the closing scene ? Here's my adored one going back to life. Whilst I Pluto. We’ll try and find you a nice wife. Arist. What ! in this subterranean diabolic tunnel ? Pluto. And you’ll esteem her, Arist. Steamer! it' s in funnel. Pluto. The air you play’s so soft — you really might Imagine ’twa-5 “ Oft in the stilly night.” [the rocks at hack begin to separate sloivlg) Orpheus. The very rocks seem softening — yes, the heap! Euryd. We are two secrets that the rocks can’t keep. Bg this time Scene is open., and Apollo is seen rising at hack. But who’s this rising? Pluto. Well, good gracious me ! AYhy, it’s Apollo ! Pros. (r. corner) Just in time for tea. [Scene is now complete — lights full on — Everybody on from various entrances) Euryd. Isn’t it rather odd, Apollo rising ? Apollo, [at hack) Yes, I was just about Apollo- gi sing. I should come down, of course, but then you see We’ve no great room here for machinery ; And as my lyre the loving pair doth ransom. Why Orpheus, (c. l.) We’ll consider that you’ve come down handsome. Pluto. Well, all take tea with us. Euryd. One moment. Pluto. True. Euryd. (c.) We first must ask, though, do we take with you [to audience) ? Pros, (r.) A kindly cheer, in your old fashioned way, W^ill put the seal upon our little play, KUI^YDICI*:. Sc. 5.] 9 And stamp it a success. Pluto, (k. c.) And when you stamp Don^t be afraid it will produce tin* cramp ; Hut give a good one — several — also A little of [indicates applause) that sort of thing — you know. Akist. (l.) And though weVl have no rest in your applause, Still, as the great bard has it, “ (Jive us pawsJ' Apoli.o. Your kind forgiveness let me have my share on. Ihirdon Apollo. (hiAKON. (l. corner) Don^t forget poor Charon. OiiPiiLUS. {comes down^ c.) And when your friends shall ask you where to go To spend a pleasant happy hour or so ; Mention the Strand, and not forgetting me. Say something handsome [takes Eukyj)Ick’s hand) of Eurydice. Finale, — Air, ‘‘ After the Opera!' Pluto. After your dinner is over, Okpiikus. You scarcely have made up your mind; 1m;kyi). Where you shall finish your evening, J^tos. Where the best fun you will find. A HIST. The tip that is straight, says come here, (JiiAHox. Whatever inviting may be Apollo. Elsewhere — it’s remarkably clear, That it’s wise to see Eurydice. PiiUTO. {spoken) Therefore, if anybody should annoy you very much. All. Come from Putney, leave off glut’ny, Heef or mut’ny leave, sirs, do. Come from Chelsea, Peckham too. Come from Putney, not a button he, Cares for distance — not one who Comes from Putney, [repeat) CTurtauu Printed by Thomas Scott, Warwick Court, Ilolbom. liacy’s Dramas for Private Representation, 6d. each. Or i)i J olames, neathf hound, 7s, eucli, iiostfrer. VOL. 1. Silent Woman I’ll be your Second B )iiibabtes Furioso State Prisoner Tooth-ache Anythin”- for a Clianis^e Hopeless Passion [sion Uinv'arrantalile Intru- T!in,n|)iny Leg-acy Box and Cox I. eft the Stag-e John I)obi)s Siibterfiig-e [ror T would Puz/-le a Conj u- Macbeth Travestie VOL. 2. Sink or Swim Diamond Cut Diamond (h-itic Slaslier and Crasher Xot a bad J iidg-e 'I'iine Tries AU Poor Cousin Walter Domestic Economy Ladies’ Battle Cool as a Cucumber Very Suspicious Box and Cox Married Betsy Baker Loan of a Lover Where there’s a Will,&c. Stag-e Struck VOL. 3. Deaf as a Post Desperate Game A.S.S. Fast Train Maid with Milking- Pail Trying- it on IlaiKlsoine Husband P.P. My First Fit nf Gout S nnebody Else Chesterfield Thinskin Curious Case Jiittle 'I'oddlekins W li ite b ait at Green wich Pretty Piece of Busi- B ichelor of Arts [ness VOL. 4. First Xig-ht Perfection No. 1 Round the Corner "■torm ill a Tea Cup J icoiiite I’o OI)lig-e Benson ^’amily .lars From Villag-e to Court Snnsliine thro’ Clouds Meads or Tails I As like as Two p as Fish out of Water Cmirt of O'oeron My Wife’s Diary Gooil Little V\ ite lloug-li Dia nond VOL. 5. M ondeitul Woman Di'liirate G’ound C iptain of the Watch 1 » in the Morning- Duly a Clod Mm-ning- Call -'/O Miudi of a Still Waters llun Deep Caliinet CBu-stion .Married Daugiiters Dowager Onl_N a Halfpenny Ifliglited lieiiig- -My Wife’s Mother Who First Four Sisters VOL. 6, Wandering- Minstrel \'illikins and Dinah 1) i\ after liie \\ edding- Aoe iiie Don’t Judg-e by Ap- Heir at Law Sin-ing- and Autumn Taming- a I'ig-er Co/.y Couple GiVe a Dog- Bad Name Paris and Back foi £5 Urg-ent Private Affairs Grist to the Mill Jealous Wife John Jones Comedy and Trag-edy VOL. 7. Housekeeper Family Failing- Pride of the Market False and Constant Prisoner of War Locked in with a Lady I'it for Tat Irish Post Irish Doctor Hamlet Travestie Ft)llies of a Night Bird in the Hand Splendid Investment Lend me 5s. [Bell Lord Lovell & Nancy Dont Lend yr. Umbrela VOL. 8. Victor Vanquished Dv)iie on botii Sides She Stoops to Conquer Crown l^rince Rights it Wrongsof Wo- Iniora Holyday [man Wonder Romance undr Difficlts Conjiig-al Lesson Fascinating- Individual Match .Making Second Love Sent to the Tower Bamooozling Good for Nothing Our Wife VOL. 9. Wicked Wife Qu en of Arragon Douglas [his Castle Englishman’s House is Robert Macaire Cliarles the Second Doul)le-Faced Peo])l” Fearful Tragedy ~ Dials Husband for an Hour Sarah’s Voung Man A’ilful .Murder Omnibus High Life below Stairs VOL. 10. Victims Irederick of Prussia Was 1 to Blame ? Friend AVaggles Nothing to Nurse Sudden ThuUghts Kivals Living too Fast T»-. o G.ty Deceivers Jeannette's M’edding Very Serious Affair Pair of Pigeons Brother Ben Take Care of Dowb. — London Assurance Boots at the Swan VOL. 11. Cure for Heart Ache Faint Heart never won Dead Shot [Fair Lady Unfinished Gent. Irish Tiger Ticklish Times -'pecire Bridegroom Lucky Hit Lov(‘ Knot Double Dummy Crossing- the Line Birth Place of Podgers N otliing V enture N oth- Capital Match [ingAVin .My Neighbour’s Wife Your Life’s in Danger VOL. 12. Man-iage a Lottery My Wife’s Dentist Seiioolfellows [Himself Samuel in Search of Doubtful Victory Stock Exchange Veteran of 102 Dying for Love Pierett'i Irish 1 utor King B ene’s Daughter Last of the Pigtails Matrimony Bonnie Fish Wife Twice Told Tale Wooing in Jest, etc. VOL. 13. Othello Travestie -Mv Aunt’s Husband Old Honesty 88 Next Birthday Porter’s Knot Rule of Three Poor Pillicoddy Milliner’s Holiday Iron Chest Turning the Tables Nervous Man Poor Gentleman Everybody’s Friend Bichard ye Thirde Crainond Brig Love in Humble Life VOL. 14. Hunting a 'Turtle Retained for Defence Julius Caesar I f the Cap Fits Caught by the Ears Nine Points of the Law Ici on nmh Francais King and I Three Cuckoos Payable on Demand Old Ollender House or the Home Ride & IIoAv to Use I Husband to Order My Great Aunt Vandyke Brown VOL. 1.5. .My Heart’s Idol Too Much for Good Rendezvous [Natm Village LaAvyer Nursey ChiekAveed Good for Evil Head of the Family Goose AvithGolden Egg Forest Keeper M y Wife’s Second Flo'’ Founded on Facts Tavo Polts Thrice Married Uncle Zachary B. B. Change of System VOL.* 16. Friend in Need Douglas 'Travestie Next of Kin \ My Wife’s Out | Race for a M’idow i ('ruel to be Kind Brother and Sister Christmas Boxes Fitzsmythe of Fitsmtli Dearest Mamma A])pearances Clockmaker’s Hat Muleteer of 'Toledo Aggravating Sam Little Savage [therlu'a My Friend from Lea- VOL. 17. Quiet Family Aunt Charlotte’s Mai Midnight Watch ; I’ve Written to Browi; Artful Dodge j Love and Hunger < Peggy Green Household Fairy . Duchess or Notiiing - Honeymoon ^ Model Husband ? Bowl’d Out Lady of the Lake Petticoat Government Objects of Interest Don Csesar de Bazan VOL. 18. ; Riimpelstiltskin ' Railroad Siation f Eclipsing the Son ] Secret j Paul Pry ( Ol)servation &Flrtati€' Post of Honour ^ Hard Struggle Alcestes j Regular Fix ' Monsieur Jacques Chimney Corner Man Avho folloAvs Ladit Post Boy Blue Beard, Burlesq i j Ugly Customer Love’s 'Telegr-iph ['Tlnhig' Raising the Wind Good, Venice Preserved •1 r\ ] . ( '