/ f 1 CHOPS, IN ONE ACT, > BY G. SnACKELL. FEOM the AUTHOE’S oeiginal M.XN USCEIET. Entered according to act of Congress in the pear 1886, hv A. D. AMES, in the office of the Librarian of Congress at'Washington, ♦ ■ " >• -CLYDP. OFTO:- A. D. AMES, EUBLISHEE.- CHOPS, CHARACTERS. Frederick Johnson, Mr. Cornwell, Chops, A young Doctor. A visitor f rom the country. A negro servant. o COSTVMES. Johnson —A litsiness suit. Cornwell— Shabby-genteei. Chops —Extrmagent waitePs d/)^ess, high collarr ^OENE— A PLAIN BOOM. TIME OF PLAYING—TWENTY-FIVE MINUTES. STAGE DIBECTIO^S 11 ., meATis Right; l.. Left; r. h.. Right Hand, l. h.. Left Hand; o.. Centre; 3. a • [2d K.,| Second Entrance; u. k.. Upper Entrance; m. d., Aliddle Door; f., the FLU; D. F., Door in Flat; b. c.. Right ot Centre; l. c., Left of Centre. K. R. C. C. L. 0* Ki* The reader is supposed to be upon the Stage, facing the audienoe. \ ^ I •5 CHOPS. si - SCENE,— room. Table c. with two chairs, a ChfW^ /‘ill ^ /^M l\ i *1~X ^ __— ' small table R. fo-r Chops Johnson discovered standing with a note in his hand. Johnson. This is very annoying, we have just had din¬ ner, and in comes our old friend Cornwell to make a visit. - 3'S a bear, no doubt, and I guess there is not much left in the larder, and to make it worse 1 have received a ^ summons from one of my patients to come at once, and per- v ^ hours. I shall be ^ obliged to leave friend Cornwell in Chop.s’ care, and Chops although a splendid servant, is always up to some trick, and i am afraid he will be trying some of them upon my visitor lietore I return. Mr. Cornwell is a peculiar old gentleman and i would not have him abused for the world. However’ i must caution Chops, and also see what there is for mv iriends lunch, {calls Chops) Chops! ^ rs- 't N V ^ ■ Enter Chops slowly, r. u. e. a paper in his hand which he is reading. Chops. Abeuni Lincum say he’s a gwine to Free all de niggers in de war. Old massa Johnson say he’s a mind to See how Abeum do dat da. t 4 CH0P3. He 'runs against Frederick as he finishes. Starts when he sees him. Chops. Dat yon raassa? didn’t know you was here? Frederick, {sharply) Didn’t know I was here? didn’t you hear me call you ? Chops. Di—did you call me massa? Fred. Yes I did. Where did you get that verse you were reading? Chops. Dis verse ? Yes, dat’s one of mine. You didn’t know I was a contributor, did you ? Fred. You a contributor? Chops. Oh, yes massa, I can make more at dat dan working out; so I’s going to leave you next week. Fred. Going to leave? Chops. Yes gwine to leave. I’s tired of working for three dollars a week. Fred. Don’t it find you too? Chops. Guess you does find me, but I haven’t found de three dollars yet. I’s made an engagement to contribute for de ‘^New York Bomb Shell.” I do all de heavies, and throw all de big political bombs. Won’t make big pay right away till I get used to it; but after dat, why I just rake in de money. Just started last week. Course can’t expect to make much on de start, but I’ll get more after awhile. Fred. Well, Sam, sorry you are going to leave, and hope you will do well, and if you want to come back to work for me, why all right, {aside) He will be back in a week. Say, Chops, I have an old friend come in, and you must get him a lunch. He has coiiie a long way, and must be hungry. I am called away, and shall not be back for some time. 1 want you to be polite to Mr. Cornwell, treat him nicely, and be sure you don’t get up to any of your tricks. What can you give him for a lunch? Chops. Don’t know, massa, we’s done got away wid about eberything ’ceptin’ de chicken you—you brought for to-morrow. Fred. Ah, that will do, give Mr. Cornw^ell some choice bits of that, some wine, and anvthing else vou can find. Now get lunch ready at once, and mind what I told you. OH OPS. 5 {exi.t Chops, r. Fred looking^ l.) Here comes Cornwell now. Enter Cornwell, l. they shake hands, Fred, Mr. Cornwell, I am sorry to say I am called away to see a patient, and will be obliged to leave you in care of ray servant, Chops. He will get you a lunch at once, and I hope you will along all right till I return. Corn. Well, Frederick, I am sorry you must go, but you needn’t be at 8ll anxious about me; Chops and I will get along all right, (aside) I hope that nigger will hurry up the lunch, I am hungry as a wolf. Fred. Come in here, Mr. Cornwell, and I will show you something to fmiuse yourself s with till Chops gets lunch ready. Com. All I C l., Frederick, I am coming, {looking hack wistfully at table) Gewhilekers my stomach! (exeunt L. u. E. Enter Chops, R. n. e., bringing tray with small cooked chicken, hony and very much over done. Large knife, hatchet, also bottle of wine and two glasses. Places bottles and glasses on table c., tray and chicken on side table as he comes in. Chops. Canary birds on toast. Well, dat am de toughest chicken I eber seed. Broke three carvin’ knives trying to get thro his hide. Guess massa bought him at a bankrupt sale. I cooked him about ten hours, and he ain’t showed no signs of gettin’ tender yet. (goes over to table, c., pours out wine, and drink^ Oh, goodness, dat’s lovely! Massa don’t let me hab any of dat very often. Now if dat old hay¬ seed hadn’t come, Fd agoiie fishing wid another coon, and he had a bottle about dat long wid him. Yum, yum! Den massa he wouldn’t let me go, cause he had company come. By golly, ril get eben wid old hay seed for dat. Gee, Fll hab more fun wid him dan a circus, (goes to side table picks up the chicken by leg) A few choice bites! Bv golly, dar aint been no choice bites on dis ar fowl since Noah’s Ark lit on P)Unker’s Hill ! Dat’s a rooster ebery time. He’s been roostin’ around so long, he’s got humpbacked. Dis must 6 CHOPS. hab been de chicken dat scratched up all Caines clover seed in de garden of Edt;n. Ya, yal He’s a daisy, he is. {slajos it down on table. Enter Cornwell, l. u. e. Corn. Say, Chops, haven’t you got thatar lunch ready yet? ^ (Chops looJcs at him, turns o/round and loAighs to himself. Chops, [aside) Oh, look at de old sardine] He continues to Icmgh. Cornwell comes over and slaps him on back, Chops starts. Corn. What are you laughing at, you white-washed angel ? Chops, I wasn't lafin'. Corn, Yes, you was. Chops. No, honest I wasn t Corn, I tell you I kno^ you was. Chops. Den I must hab been lafin'. Corn. Of course you was, you can’t fool me. ‘ Chops, Dat’s all right, who said I wasn’t? Corn, Y"ou did. Now see here, have you got that luncb. ready! Chops. Say, massa, v/hat's your name? Corn. My name is. Cornwell. Drove in thirteen miles this mornin’, and I am about cavin’ for something to eat.. What have you got for lunch? Chops. Got some bery tender chicken here. I'll give you a few choice pieces ob dat, and a bottle of elegant wine, dat’s all I can scrape up. Corn. Well, hurry up and cut that chicken, I’m starved. Chop. Well, say, massa Carnstock- Corn, Cornwell I told you. Chops. Yes, dat’ft whai I said. Cornfield. Say, massa Gorncrib, if you just sit down here and look ober de paper, I’ll hab de chicken ready in a minute, {hands paper) Dat’s de last paper. Corn, t^akes paper, sits at c. table facing the audience) This ain’t the last paper, it’s a rveek old. Chops. Oh, no, massa, d^t de last; got it outen da post office dis mornin. CHOP®. 7 Corn. I tell you its a week old; look at the date. July 16th., that’s last week. Chops. Oh, you can’t tell nuffin’ by dat, dey just forgot to change de date, dat’s all. Corn, Well, hurry up with that chicken. Chops. Yes, massa. {^goes hack of Cornwell’s chcdr examines attentively his hold head) By golly! whai a sk’-iting rink dat would make. Looks like a Minnesota farm after de grasshoppers had make a call. • Corn, {sees him and turns qvnckly) What are you doing there? {as he speaks, points to apiece im paper a/nd reads. Chops. Horrible slaughter! Three persons burnt up by a cyclone. Corn, {angry) Will you bring that chicken? Chops. Yes, massa, you shall hab it at once. Cornwell pours wine in glass sets on table. Chops starts for side table, hut sees wine, and as Cornwell turns to paper, C'hops drinks wine, then goes to chicken^ chops off one leg icith hatchet. Next sharpens knife on floor, and succeeds in cutting off several pieces of skin and hones—exerts himself very much. Cornwell ' turns, takes glass, carries it to mouth, is astonished to flnd vjine gone. Looks at glass, then at Chops; seeing Chops at vcork, pours more vnne, holding it in his hand after tasting it. Chops takes large straWy goes up> behind him and drinks wine through stravc, then brings plate with lohat chicken he has cut, and places before Cornwell. Cornavell turns, carries glass to month, and is very much astonished to flnd it empty, hut sets glass doion and turns his attention to plate. Chops. Dar, massa, dar’s some to begin on. I’ll hab some more directly. Coi^^^wYAA.devours chicken ravenously; flnally chokes very badly; gets red in face. Chops runs to his assistance, goe^ behind chair, gmlls his head back, succeeds inpjull- iny a large piece of skin from las mouth. is .CHOPS, Corn ,. {recovers—to Chops, angrily^ Say, bring me some- thing I can eat, npt a lot of skin and bones; hurry up now. Ch/yps. Yes, massa, you shall hab some in a second. {aside) By golly, old Cornfield had it bad time; I tought Gaberal called him sure. Exit and returns with hand saw^' saws chicken in two, takes hath pieces to table^ also takes hottle like first marked ''poison throws one half of chicken upon Cornwell’s plate^ sits in chair at side of table^ and heains to chew at the other half} helps himself to tome from hottle on table. Com. {sees him) Say, drop that wine, you- Chops. Dot’s just what I’m doing, massa. Corn. I mean give me that bottle 1 Chops. Oh, dat’s different 1 Changes bottles, gives Cornwell poison hottle. Cornwell takas a swallow or two, spits it on the fioor, takes up hottle, sees label and is horrified} turns to Chops and finds him d/rinking from the other hottle, gets excited. Corn. Say, Chops, was there poison in -this bottle ? Chops takes no notice} continues drinking. Cornwell gets more excited, hangs Chop;^ o i the head, and repeats question. Chops jumps. Chops. Yes! Com. Well, I drank some of it. I’m poisoned! Chops. Guess you are. {d/rinks. Corn, {pleadingly) Chops, do you mean that ? will it kill me ? Chops. Sure thing. If you drank half a drop of dat stuff, it will kill you deader dan dat rooster. Corn. Oh, what shall I do? Oh, Chops, what did you give me that stufi* for? Chops. I didn’t do nuffin’, what are you talking about? Com. You gave me the bottle. Chops, ^ No I didn’t, massa Pop-corn, I just had de bot¬ tle in my haud; was going down cellar to kill some rais. CHOPS. 9 and you took de bottle and drank it. But you needn't make 80 much fuss about it, you might as well die now as any time. You got to die some time. Corn. Oh, Chops, go and get Frederick; may be'he can give me something! Chops, {d/rinking) Habn't got time massa. You needn't be alarmed, you’ll die all right. Corn. But I don’t want to die; I ain’t ready to die. Chops. Well, you better get ready den; you better say your prayers, and go and lie down dar somewhere, and die decent. Don’t make so much noise about it; you interrups my reflections. {drinks. Corn. Chops, h-how long does it take to-to kill a per¬ son? Chops. Well, ’cordin’ to de way it lays out de rats I should think dat you would last for as much as ten minutes yet. Corn, i^eside himself) Ten minutes! Oh, dear! Oh, dear ! (bows head on table and moans loudly, then sud¬ denly jumps up , rushes out l. u. e., and brings up against Fred, who is coming in, both fall on stage — Chops roars with Laughter.) Fred, (getting up) What’s this ! What’s the matter ? (Chops sneaks off r. laughing. Corn. Oh, I’m poisoned, I’m poisoned ! Give me some¬ thing, quick! Fred, (calls) Chops! Chops i Enter, Chops, r., running, looking very innocent. Chops. Yes, massa, what you want? Fred. Come and help me lift him to a chair, he says he is poisoned, then run and get me some mustard and warm water. Now quick ! (they lift him to chair, exit < 'hops R., running —CornaveiX acts very sick) What is it, where did you get the poison ? Corn, (feebly) I drank it out of a bottle, thought it was wine. Enter, Chops r., with large dish and spoon, gives to Fred, 10 CHOPS, Fred gives Cornwell several spoonsfull — Chops trying to assist, laughing—medicine maltes Cornwell warse, Fred, You must vomit, or you will die. How do you feel? Corn, (very sick) I feel as though I wanted to die. Chops. Oh, you will die aii right. Fred, You keep still! Corn. It’s all Chop’s fault, he gave it to me. Chops. Didn’t do no such thing, didn’t know nuffin ’bout it. Fred. Where is that bottle ? {looks around—sees bot¬ tle) Is this it ? Corn. Yes, that’s it. Chops gave it to me. Chops, No, honest, massa Frederick, I didn’t know nuffin ’bout it. Guess massa Oorncrib has got de snakes, he had a terrible pile of wine. Fred. Why, this is not poison, it is only salt and water. (angry) Chops, this is one of your tricks, you shall catch it this time. Fred starts for Chops, Cornwell suddenly recovers, grabs up broom and also rushes for him, they chase him round stage, Cornwell wheels, using broom on his head^ Chops shouting. Frederick following Chops suddenly stops, stoops down ^^6'^ Cornweli. goes over him falling on stage, Frederick stumbles and falls over him — Chops stands near laughing, CUKTAIN. \ THE LA lEST IRISH COMEDY, IN THREE ACTS, BY BILLY F. LEE—ENTITLED Muldoon’s Blunders. For five mule and five female characters. Time of play ing, 2 hours and 15 minutes. SYNOPSIS OF EVENTS. ACT I.—Muldoon’s office—Katie Muldoon and Otto B. Honest, the actor—The rehearsal of Damon and Pythias, interrupted by Widow McGreevy—“Divil a bit of fun did I see at all, at all”—Widow Mc- Greevy informs Katie of her fifth matrimonial venture—Sure it’s your father, Larry Muldoon I’m going to marry”—Katie and the Widowplanning a joke on Muldoon—Katie pleads the Widow’s cause —Muldoon’s entanglement with Julianna—Katie’s advice, ’‘Marry the one you love best--Toby and Muldoon—“Murder! murder!”—Katie comes to Toby’s assistance—Julianna threatens Muldoon—“She’s daflfy”—“I’ll commit suicide”—The joke on Muldoon—Serenade by the salvation army—Widow McGreevy, Captain—Speech by the Widow, which is over heard by Muldoon-He looses his temper— “I’ll be revenged. I’ll marry Julianna and spite the Widow ”—Mul- doon and the Count—Adolph Bismarck warns Muldoon—Widow McGreevy on the war path. ACT II.—Bismarck and Otto at the restaurant—Trouble begins— The changed signs—The downfall of Germany—Katie and Otto’s little plan—Toby earns five dollars—Muldoon’s experience in getting a license-Julianna and Bismarck-The Widow appropriates Julianna’s lunch—Toby—“Bar’ll be a hot time in the Ole town to-night”—The Widow’s lament—Tobyand Julianna—Katie, as Julianna, discovers the Count’s secret—Toby’s abduct—The mock marriage — “Golly, I kidnapped de wrong gal.” . ACT HI.—Toby and Widow, the masquerade ball—Widow’s fine* music—Muldoon and the Widow—The mouth-organ—Otto persuades Muldoon to appear drunk, in order to unmask the Count and Julianna—The Widow and Muldoon—“Sure and he’s drunk as a coon”—The Count and Julianna arrested—‘'Faith an I’ll marry the Widow afther all.” Price 25 eti. TRIXIE; -OR- The Wizard of Fogg Island. A drama in 3 acts by Bert C. Rawley, for 6 male female characters. Costumes to suit charac¬ ters. Time of playing, 1 houi* and 30 minutes. and 3 SYNOPSIS OF EVENTS. ACT I. Scene I. —Wt^bber mansion—Mr. and Mrs. Webber discuss the future welfare of tiieir son. King—King and Jennie return from a pleasure trip—The Wizard’s prediction—Anthony Webber makes a discovery—The secret—“There is only one witness to my crime!” —A glimpse of the past—The fatal card—“I must find a way of escape.” Scene IL —Fogg Island—The Wizard’s cave—Little Trixie —A song brings fond memories—A discontended ladv—A father’s good advice—An Irishman's idea—The lost locket—The loser loses his head. Scene III .—Webber mansion—Teriy and Penny Ante have an interview—Surprised—Father and daughter—The sacred promise—The living witness—The Wizard appears. ACT II. Scene I .—Wizard’s cave—Terry and Penny arrive— Penny’s libber out of order—The Wizard’s soliloquy—Trixie and the wounded man—Tlie dismay’ of the Wizard—King Webber—Terry is puzzled—Clitford Ellison arrives—His resolve—A glimpse of the past —“Who is this man?”—The attempted murder—Trixie on deck— Foiled. Scene //.—(Lapse of one month)—Webber’s mansion—Penny’s disordered libber—Terry’s little scheme—Ellison’s presentiments— Mother and son—A mother’s pleading—The secret—“It is murder, my son!”—The TVizard appears—“No, my friend, your father is innocent”—May God bless you.” ACT III.—Webber mansion—The answer given, “No!”—-EllisoD threatens—Despair—The evidence destroyed—“Warner Webber .ves!”—Foiled—Jennie’s llight—The Wizard’s Daughter—United at last. Price 15cts. A $10,000 WAGER. Farce in 2 acts, by 1. M. G. Wood, 4 male, 2 female characters. Time, 30 minutes. ^liss Clara Parly, Judge Flint's neice, wages $10,000 that he will give his consent to the marriage of his neice, Minnie, to Walter Bland, wlnnn he has refused to accept as her suitor. Tile means she takes to obtain the wager is verv amusing. The characters are all good, will make a good after piece. Price 15c. ^ U nele -OR- J\ast Plain Kolk:m. A Rural comedy-drama in 4 acts, by Edwin Weever, for 11 male and 4 female characters, (can double to 6 male and 3 female charac¬ ters.) Time of performance, 1 hour and 50 minutes. A play of powerful dramatic interest. Good comedy relieves the serious plot. Scenes are laid between the city and country. Glean, bright and strongly r*ecommended. SYNOPSIS OF EVENTS. I I.T-Uucle Zeb’a farm—Zeb. makes his toilet in anticipation of his dangh- lev’s homecoming—Joe, her girlhood’s chum—The villain appears—Richard plots to rob the farmer of his land—Taggs, a waif, finds a friend in Uncle Zeb. —Barkley, the jealous miser—Plotting to steal the deed of the farm—Rose’s re¬ turn and the meeting of Ri<*ha,rd—She consents to become Richards wife to save her father’s home—“Little gal, your happiness is my only pleasure since your mother and little Mary went away”—Tlie elopement—A father’s anguish. ACT II.—Drawing-room in N. Y. City—The plot thickens—The faimier and the telephone—Taggs discovers where Richard has Rose hidden—Meeting of Richard and Violet, his wife—A demand for justice, which is refused—An at¬ tack a.nd escape of Richard. ACT III.—Den of Isaac Lovinsky—Isaac and Rachel—Rose a prisoner—At¬ tempted murder ends in a fight, in which Violet makes her escape—Taggs ar¬ rives in the nick of time to save Rose’s life—“Not so fast mine Jewish friends.” ACT IV.—Uncle Zeb’s farm—Baldy and Maudy—Baldy has a difficult task in making the butter come—Richard arrives to claim and take possession of the farm—Baldy uses a pitch fork to good advantage—Rose explains the cause of her leaving home with Richard—Violet’s story of her life—Uncle Zeb. discovers that Violet is his long lost daughter, Mary—The lost deed is recovered and the Til lain exposed and put to rout —Uncle Zeb. finds he is a very rich man—Happy Price, 25cts. Desperate Grame. A ^omic Drama in 1 act^ by John Madison Morton, for S male and 2 female characters. Time of performance, 65 miimtes. SYNO PSIS OF EVENTS Ratclill effects an entrance and disposes of an unknown intruder by locking him in a closet—Mrs. Somerton relates an incident to Peggy—A proposition which is carried out by the burglar—A remarkable tale of the robbery—The loss of $15,000 makes Postlehwaite undecided in his effection for Mrs. Somerton —Captain Ratcliff confesses to tiie burglary in order to get rid of his rival— Postlehwaite, who wanted to marry Mrs. Bomerton for her mone\ — Po^tleh- Waite discoyers bia mistake toe late. Prioe, 15Gt6. ' The Country Squire. A eomedy-drainii in four acts, by J. Howard Bauman, for 9 male (can double to 8 male) and 4 female characters. Time of playing 2 hours and 30 minutes. SYJSrOPSlS OF EVENTS. ACT I. — Home of Squire Gray—Alice and Cynthia—The mortgage — “You know the Squire don’t care so very much for me”—“Daddy is so backward” — Arrival of Sally with her lunch — Cynthia disgusted — “Why, I have never been married” — Squire Gray—Sally finds a home — “Good-b\^e old lady; call again” — The Squires’ soliloquy— Anthony Ross, the oil agent — A proposition and the acceptance— “Whoopee! Ten thousand in clear cash” — Cynthia cannot under¬ stand Squire Gray’s peculiar actions — “He seems so bashful”—A long delayed proposal — Ben, Alicm aiid Jack — “The price of my silence is a good sqnaremeal” — J oh n Tarbarrow, the miser—“Leave my liouse before 1 strike you down” — A threat — .lack takes a hand — “John Tarbarrow nothing but your gray hair keeps m« from breaking this cane over your miserable hea,d.” ACT H. — John Tarbarrow’s store — Barney—“Faith, it’s devilish slow your hurry seems to be”—Solomon Isaac, the peddler—“Daddy fears the mortgage will be foreclosed Sure, an’ it is a wise mon y f y y ye are, Mr. Tarbarrow” — Barney takes a snooze — Tarbarrow plots revenge on Ben—Barney is taken in charge by his wife, Bridget— Cider proves a little too strong for Sally — “We ain’t got no use for tramps here”—Squire Gray takes a picture of Cynthia — Treachery— John Tarbarrow accuses Ben of theft—Money found in Ben’s pocket —“So you are a thief, Ben Carlton; he, he, he!”—“You will stand where 1 now stand, John Tarbarrow, under the shadow of a crime. ACT HI. — Oil well on Squire Gray’s farm — “Curse you, Ben Carl ton” — “It will all depend upon us striking oil in the next half hour —Alice and John—More threats — Sally and the cider—“You hav»r ' h.‘ •ij;' ^ff ajjp'j* ; *99 ' A»9^'f£it ')i|H <9 ' ■ ■' . V .,-;i-- --. ■ ■ '. ■ ■■• -■-■■ A \ ' >