J O U R N A L
OF THE
LIFE OF NATHANIEL LUFF, M. D.
OF THE STATE OF DELAWARE.
WRITTEN BY HIMSELF.
PREFACED B\ A GENEALOGICAL ACCOUNT OF THE LUFF FAMILY.
NEW-YORK:
Clark & Sickels, Book and Job Printers. No. 27 Ann-Street.
1848.JOURNAL
OF THE
LIFE OF NATHANIEL LUFF, M. 1).
Hugh Luff came from England the latter part of the seventeenth or the beginning of the eighteenth century, and took up land from the original proprietor, William Penn, or his heirs, on the western shore of the Delaware Bay. He had two sons, Nathaniel and Caleb. Nathaniel settled in Mispillion and died there, and Caleb in St. Jones’ Hundred. Caleb was a member of the State Legislature during the Revolution, and warmly supported the cause; he had two sons, Nathaniel and John. Nathaniel Luff, the son of Caleb and Mary, was born in Jones’s Neck, Kent County, and Province of Pennsylvania, (since called the Delaware State,) on the 23d of the fourth month, 1756. His father was a respectable farmer, his mother had been partly educated in Philadelphia, and was a woman of good understanding, a member of wbat was then denominated the Church of England, and she endeavored to instruct him in her religious principles, he being the only child ; and their circumstances sufficiently favorable for that period and part of the country. In order to advance him in the world, he was early placed to school, in Dover and elsewhere, and considerable pains was bestowed by the parish minister, Charles Inglis, since Bishop of Nova Scotia, in instructing the children of that Church, by catechism and otherwise, inculcating the tenets according to that form of worship, so that before 1 had a knowledge of reading, I could repeat the principal parts of the Catechism, Liturgy of the Church, from the frequent having it said over in my hearing; but as my affection was very great towards my parents, being greatly indulged when at home, it distressed me so much when 1had to leave them, and for some time afterwards, that I became almost melancholy, and would repeat over the days of the week with great earnestness alone, and when I came to that particular day that 1 was to return home, which was every other seventh day, my joy would be so great that, in an extacy, I would cry out, oh, my daddy, my daddy, and in this frantic state, my sponsor (otherwise called my godfather,) overhearing me, proposed to have me bled, and, to terrify me, suggested 1 was talking to the Devil. This put a stop to my melancholy ditty, for my place of solitude was an old stable; first in silent contemplation 1 was bemoaning my situation, which, as the distress increased, yet notwithstanding these guardians of infants baptized had promised and vowed three most solemn covenants, which, in fact, may be considered as exceeding all human ability to perform, and were kind and friendly; as soon as I was capable to comprehend, I came to a conclusion that I should be loth to be placed in so critical a situation as to be suretiship for another to renounce. 1st, the Devil and all his works; 2d, the pomps and vanities of the world ; and, 3d, sinful lusts of the flesh ; the last in particular was too conspicuously manifested at an age when the greatest care was necessary to restrain such propensities. As my continuance in one place was not constant, but frequently shifting about, I was at a certain time placed to board at the house of a Quaker ha\ ing no further idea than that they were good people, and so indeed they were as to victuals, drinks, and neighborly kindness, and much freer from pride, vanity, and ambition, and especially that coveting disposition that desires a neighbors goods, lands, &c.; for at that time neighbours were not exact in trifles — over-reaching or entangling met with a general and vigorous repulse, but many practices now excepted against was then tolerated, as the use of, and sometimes, indeed, abuse of spirit-ous liquors and slavery; on a certain occasion in harvest time, liquor being dealt out freely, I was made drunk, and in this state, staggering about, came across a viper, drew a little round pointed knife to kill the snake with, and reeling to and fro, would cry out Mr. Baker made me drunk, for this was the name of the person, and his office w as a constable. But when I was brought into the house, for the care of a few black boys, perhaps, prevented me from being bit by this vemmous creature, and layed to bed, 1 dreamed I was in a deep well, and could not get out; this, when I awoke, terrified me greatly. At the same house a young woman, coming down stairs of the first day, pulled out a park of cards—considering the holiness of the day as I had been taught, andthe excessive odium prefixed to cards which were called Devil’s book, and this, connected with the idea of a Quaker, filled my infant mind with contemplative astonishment.
As I was traveling from school while I boarded at the same house, I fell from a persimmon tree, and lay senseless sometime ; this gave a jog to my memory, to reflect what would have been my condition had I not recovered. At an other time, playing with my school-fellows, I received a stroke with an axe, which laid bare my skull, and occasioned a considerable wound in the head, which is perceivable to this dav. [1797.]
After this I was removed back again to Dover, and placed at the house of Thomas Park, who had been in the mercantile way, and perhaps Sheriff, a cotemporary with B. Chew, and perhaps a smarter man, had he had equal opportunities. His son, the late Col. John, distinguished for his poetical version of Horace, has left it as a memento of his juvenile abilities.
Here 1 was no sooner set on my feet, and introduced to my associates, than I was let out to battle—as children fight cocks, so did these corrupt youths of Dover ditract the innocent and unguarded into a maze of error and dissipation, perpotation to each ones age and circumstances. On what this remarkable depravity in the Dover youths depended, for their stationary conduct has rather been proverbial, I was at a loss to conjecture, unless the courts, which have been held there—and advantages which is generally taken by the proficients in law knowledge, of the illiterate, and whose depressed circumstances compel their attendance at such places where they must spend much idle time and money, to accomplish—or whether it may be assisted by the more unfavorable state of climate, exciting and prompting to that stimulating diet and drink, that paves the way to these inordinate excesses—unassisted by purity of Christian principles, however, it may be now. Such was the practices then, that card-playing, billards, horse-racing, cock-fighting, dogs, boys, was a general rotund of diurnal revolutions. My pockets was generally supplied w ith a small store of money to answrer these purposes—and the less gross actions not only overlooked, but, perhaps, countenanced by my connections, wrho spared no pains to decorate me as much as possible, and as I advanced in years, placed me to the dan-cing-school. A few men anxious for the promotion of their children, were excessively gulled by tutors—themselves unacquainted w ith the learned languages and sciences, prompted hy ambition, and secuied bywealth, they were willing to go great lengths ; but, for want of proper knowledge, they expended their money to little purpose and established habits that were unsubstantial and hard to eradicate.
Thus it was, that after being two years at school to acquire a knowledge of the Latin language, I was so improperly taught, that on my going to Philadelphia, I had to begin again, and I found the mode of tuition so diverse, that it would have been for my benefit had it have been my first essay—and the school tuition was more than two prices in Dover to what it was in Philadelphia, so that I had to pay double price for erronious principles. Some time after this my mother, who was a woman, as was before observed, well brought up, and the only daughter of her mother, pressed my father to consent to my being placed in Philadelphia. About the year 1770 or 71, I being fourteen or fifteen years of age, was placed at board with James Glentworth, a distant relation ; and the person, who I believe was denominated my sponsor the order of the house was principally under his and his mother’s care, although his father, an old worn-out captain, was still living, a man well acquainted with the world, and who had in his different sea voyages traversed the four quarters of the globe, descended of an honorable family in England, but who, like many of deserved merit, had not laid up much money, and had partly given up his affairs to his wife, an active, intelligent, and economical woman, who received her principal support by a china-ware shop, and by the board of youths, numbers of whom she had had under her care, and discharged her duty towards them. Thus situated on my mother’s return, I was often reproved tor little acts of undue liberty, for 1 was not much acquainted with restraint, and often thought hard of her keeping me in, and from the company of unsuitable companions, for the family lived in the most public street, close by the largest market, and within fifty or sixty yards of the court house. After my mother had placed me here, I being a bashful country lad, and not immediately introduced to suitable company, remained for several days occasionally at the street door and in the porch, expecting, as was common in the country, a familiarity with the boys ol the city ; but, to my surprise, they passed and repassed me without taking notice or speaking to me; this 1 considered so uncivil, that I was almost ready to wish myself at home, and determined that, unless 1 could force an acquaintance, I would speedily return. Accordingly, I took a resolution that 1 would finally introduce myself, and it they treated me with contempt, 1 would then fulfil my determination. Well, said 1 then tosome unknown youth, “ do you go to the academy, what are the rules of the school ?” &c., this was soon succeeded by other questions and answers on his part, other boys united, and in a few hours a general acquaintance was commenced—a walk to the river, trailing the streets, the various curiosities of the city were brought to view, and from that period I was not at a loss for acquaintances. My old aunt began to think for me, observe my outgoings and comings in, sometimes reproving me for unseasonable hours, especially if I was absent at the stated meal times, I was told I should go without them, this I rather construed into unbecoming parsimony, and when prohibited from improper company, to a morose and churlish disposition, having heretofore been much a stranger to restraint. This close guardianship was, however, of infinite service to me, for a tolerable selected band was chosen by this old woman, of well disposed children, whose parents kept a watchful eye over them.
On my first introduction to the school, I was examined by the head master of the Latin school, a Presbyterian clergyman, a sharp, severe, unpolished man, but an excellent grammarian, who, perhaps, from hurry or my consting pretty well, directed me to a class under the care of an usher, without knowing or examining fully into the improper mode of my tuition. In the after part of the day, therefore, after consting my sentence without any material exception with the other boys, when we came to parsing, I was altogether defective, and had not been instructed in that necessary part—I did not even know what was meant by the term, and on giving information to the superior master, was necessitated to take the lowest seat, begin the grammar again ; and a different mode being introduced, I was like wheels of certain dimensions, inclined to follow the old track, which was more injurious than if I had not been taught at all.
The boys then began to jeer and laugh at me, and as I had been occasionally brought up in a family where there were slaves at my juvenile command, I could not brook insults. I disdained to tell tales, and when I had received an insult, considering myself by no means the aggressor, and being struck immediately on my coming out of school, by a boy in the class I was first placed in, I returned the blow, and a combat ensued in full view of the tutor, which lasted but a little while, but long enough to make us amenable ; and as neither of the combatants had become victorious, (the boy with whom I had engaged being rather larger than myself, and accounted smart,) it rather established mycharacter among them as a person of resolution. However, when we returned to roll-call, we were triced up, he first, and severely birched ; and I next, I pleaded the insult—my being a stranger—the first offence, &c.; but, however, the stern tutor determined to exercise his authority and chastise me also. This I considered as severe treatment, and would fain have gone home ; but on rehearsing my complaints to the family, most of whom sympathized with me, except my aunt, who espoused the cause of my master, and I was forced to submit to my treatment, let it be what it might.
Many times, under such circumstances, youth, from improper management, are totally spoiled; and the reins of government, by being kept either too tight, or unusually slack, and not properly suited to their conditions, renders them ever afterwards disqualified for those avocations which they otherwise might be adapted to.
I continued at the academy several years, and learned as far as Horace in Latin—in Greek to the-------------,	in arithmetic, imperfectly to
practice—to write a tolerable boy’s hand, and kept free from that kind of company termed evil. I steadily attended to the church decently dressed, and kindly and civilly treated by most people, especially my relations, for there were several families of distant connections on my mother’s side the house; but those practices, which the people called Quakers deem exceptionable, are by many other professing Christians not only thought innocent, but considered as highly necessary for fiting and qualifying for life, and without which they would be highly blame-able, did they not assiduously cultivate them. The art of war, oratory, music, compliments, &c., cannot be dispensed with. A person unacquainted and not practising them, is thought unfit for stations in either Church or State.
On my classes proceeding to the principles of philosophy I left them—and my dear mother, some short time before having deceased, opened a new scene in circumstances of the family, not long before (perhaps two weeks) her separation from this life, in conversation with a neighboring woman, she observed that I was coming down to see her die, that being the vacuity of the school, at which period the youth being released for a few weeks, she having a knowledge thereol, and expecting my arrival j in conversation with her acquaintances, expressed herself agreeable to the foregoing purport, which was the case ; for after taking breakfast, with but little seeming indisposition, she went up stairs, and as I, a little time after (as several of my acquaintances hadbeen to see me) going up there, discovered her in a convulsive fit; 1 alarmed my father—a messenger was dispatched for a physician, who came as soon as possible, and let blood, which I recollect was compact, tough, and floated in a considerable quantity of serum.
She however continued to be excessively convulsed, with little intermission, and expired the night following. At frequent intervals she made short ejaculatory supplications, and had, as a further confirmation of the sensibility of approaching dissolution, requested my father to require the prayers of the Church in her behalf. He wrote a few lines, which I carried, and was surprized to hear my mother’s name particu-mentioned in the order of the Church service. During this severe conflict, when death seemed to have arrested my dear mother, I recollect having withdrawn to a private place, with a body-bended-form, and no doubt, earnest solicitude for the preservation of her mortal life, I peti-• tioned the Throne of Grace that she might be kept alive; and thought I felt an evidence as though she would live—or as if an intimation had been communicated, she shall not die—this gave me hope—but when I found she was dead, I was at a loss to account for this false hope, but have since been comforted under the idea of its being the preservation of the never dying part, and that the manifestation that Providence is pleased to make to his finite supplicants, is not in vain to those who earnestly seek him.
As I had been much caressed when young, and excessively doated on by my parents, and also by an ancient grandmother, (my mother’s mother,) who, notwithstanding she had other grand-children, seemed entirely preposessed in my favor.
Some time after the interment of my parent, I returned to my school, dressed in black ; and have said, let it be seriously considered, the diversity of operations, by the same spirit, and not too hastily approve or condemn any. The youths, seeing me in that kind of clothing, were led to inquire the cause, and a fresh recollection of circumstances were no doubt occasionally brought to view, and serious and sympathetic covering to the mind of the inquirer, so that the very outward habit sometimes influences the mind—inquirer and inquired. Being separated from an indulgent, thoughtful, endearing mother, the loss of whom I had no conception of, and being quite unacquainted with the want of any real outward thing, and, indeed, gratified in many things which might have well been dispensed with—and although my parents kept slaves, and who were at their disposal, yet 1 believe they did not see(he iniquity thereof, the emancipation of negroes not then being introduced, at least in those parts—yet, nevertheless, my father would hire in and out those who had contracted marriages, and often put himsell to great disadvantage to accommodate them on that account. They were well clothed, and had no scarcity of food, and were not severely worked—the family generally making use of the principal part of the product of the farm—and he being of a generous, noble disposition, a strong athletic person—and what was generally understood by the expression (of being much of a man,) was truly a trait of his character, both in respect to the mind as well as muscular frame ; for he could not cringe to the great, and was always ready to assist the indigent, even to his own injury, being intruded on by excess of good nature; and by no means disposed to avail himself of favorable opportunities of increasing his estate, by methods adapted and approved of by others, that were equally within his reach ; and how far the special interposition of Providence might have ordered the subsequent part of his life, is with humble reverence submitted to his all-wise disposal, and which ought to be received with resignation and admiration ; that if the ways of God are hid from man, yet, nevertheless, let man confess that he is God Omniscient, and that he has a right to dispose of us as seemeth good unto Him.
My father did not live long single, for having possessed a competent estate, and living freely on it, he answered the purpose of the body politic, and had been introduced into the House of Assembly, a place for which he was not suited, (except for his honest and good intentions,) ; but not being stored with that kind of erudition that would have made him a guardian of his own interest, as well as the good of the community, this station tended to detract rather than augment his estate, and, I believe, laid the foundation for future events. His second wife dying in about two years, perhaps, he was again married to a neighbors daughter, with whom there had been frequent misunderstanding respecting lands, &c., by whom he had one child, who died not long after his father—his mother having deceased—these successive marriages took place during the period of my school education and apprenticeship. When the first was entered into, my grandmother, heretofore mentioned, became very uneasy, was not satisfied therewith, and used her utmost endeavors to secure a consideration for me, and, accordingly, the landed property which came through her hands was deeded to me at my fathers death, previous to his commencing his second marriage. This was like to produce akind of independency in me, provided I outlived my father ; and as my grandmother absented herself from his house, having previously reserved to herself an annuity from her two children of £60 per annum, for the term of eighteen years, should she .long live, and had taken bond from them for the fulfilment of this contract—and released almost all of her personal estate, she began to think her subsistance scanty enough ; but being a woman of high spirit (old English blood), could not brook to live within the limits of her former territories, and removed elsewhere.
As I was absent, the important negotiations were transacted without my knowledge or interposition, and the persuasive and half compulsory steps that were taken rather tended to produce an obstinacy on the part of my father, who, notwithstanding, had an unusual predilection for me, having previously given me a bond of £60, Emersons Mortgage Deed for 157 acres of land, besides an unlimted direction to draw on a shallopman, who came up at least once or twice a month, for what pocket money I wanted, besides sending up almost every trip some little article of diet and clothing. A negro girl was sent up to wait and tend on me at the house where I boarded, whom he afterward gave me, so that his liberality was excessive, and his love unquestionably great. Yet this old woman (my grandmother) appears to have exceeded even parental affection; for, notwithstanding she had put herself under a bare allowance, was determined to make the finishing stroke with me ; accordingly, she made and executed, in due form of law, her last will, devising all and singular her goods, chatties of every kind and sort, wheresoever situated, to me, my heirs and assigns forever, constituting me her sole executor, then a lad, an apprentice in the city of Philadelphia, and transmitted to me about forty or fifty pounds of silver plate, the product of her hard-earned labor as a tavern keeper, and some inconsiderable amount in gold trinkets, &c. Being possessed of these exterior endowments, together with a tolerable comely body, and advancing in an education dignified and honorable, I was placed with Dr. George Glentworth, a distant relation, in the city of Philadelphia, to learn the science of medicine. But observing during my continuance at the academy, as I had frequent intercourse at my relations houses, who were generally very kind and friendly, that many men, and especially those who came from the lower counties, of my acquaintances, were hard beset to stay out the times of their apprenticeships, I determined, contrary to the usual mode with students of physic, to be bound, according to the accustomedform of ordinary mechanics, and thus entered into this mode of contract; under this reflection, that, like the rest of my associates, subject to frailty, I might take some improper offence previous to the expiration of my apprenticeship, and thereby be'disqualified for the due discharge of the functions I was about to acquire. Since which time, I have been of the opinion that this unadvised determination was commendable in a youth who was left unrestrained, and the consequence was that I had the approbation of my master, and was often constrained to do those things, which, had I been left at a loose end, perhaps I should not have been willing to do ; but the idea of a breach of contract, and violation on my part, was like a socket which is confined to a certain circumferance, and kept me within the bounds of my prescribed limits. Having previously considered the propriety of my avocation, and being thus firmly fixed, the next thing was to fix a plan to go by. I had been granted the liberty of choosing a calling to suit my own inclination, and also unlimited with respect to my preceptor, but although I did not consider my master as the first physician, or best qualified in the city, I knew his opportunities had been very considerable, and a suitable genius ; for he had prosecuted his studies, which were begun in Philadelphia, to England, under Dr. Hunter, and finished them in Scotland, which I observed by letters, &c.; yet I early discovered that there was something wanting (like a polish) to make him shine in the learned world, and without which, the best finished furniture or finest marble will lose half its lustre, which, when added, decorates and greatly ornaments it, which, without such an appendage, would make the most indifferent appearance. Thus was the real endowments, the noble sentiments of his mind, and extensive knowledge in the practice of physic, often buried in grave of modesty, while every bubble of merit bursted and perfumed the air in some character, whose itch for fame fostered every favorable opportunity, and appropriated them to their own advantage.
This indulgence of my father I considered as a very great privilege, and should have preferred Dr. Charles Ridgely, of Dover, on account of his peculiar and pleasing manner of behavior to his apprentices, whose gracefulness in this respect exceeded all others, and pleased me better than any one I ever saw before or since. Yet, on mature consideration, I early entertained the opinion that he was more of a statesman than physician, because he had not availed himself of the advantages of that mode of erudition that was afterwards introduced, and which, in his time of application, was beyond his reach; but hud he resided in. Phil-adelphia, I should have chosen him in preference to any other man; yet, notwithstanding his scanty stock of actual physical knowledge, for I apprehended him to be very deficient in the first principles of his profession, to wit: anatomy and physiology ; yet his excessive influence in the political interest of his countrymen, enabled him to practice physic to a superior advantage to any of his successors, and I am induced to believe with peculiar success ; for such were their faith and implicit belief in all he said or did, that fancy was the officious handmaid, and often aided in the extirpation of many disorders. His cheerful, enervating language raised the spirits of the dull, drooping, and desponding— and the quick twinkling glance of his single eye commanded the utmost respect.
Having determined on the study of physic, the place and person, and mode of progression which was to attend four courses of Lectures instead of two, at several of the professors, and also to avail myself of an early attendance at the hospital, its library, practice, &c., all of which would cost but the same sum of money—viz : £5 for the benefit of books, securing a certain deposite—and two courses of lectures generally deemed sufficient, no more was required for future attendance. Accordingly, I was at Dr. Ship pin’s introductory lectures, and the day following was seized with a violent pain in my head, which finally terminated in a nervous fever, and lasted for five or six weeks. This, in all probability, proceeded from a fall I received some time before, which occasioned a violent concussion of the brain; for I remained insensible for several hours, and had more or less of pain in the head after violent exercise, hard study, &c. Till the termination of this fever seemed to produce a change in my system, and during its continuance I received no real advantage from any medicine, except a prescription from Dr. Tomnars, composed of Camp. Saffron, Coc/or, and Crabrey, &c., a favorite nostrum, which he had termed Cordial Elixer, this in a short space afforded a very considerable relief.
But by being deprived of the advantage of the course of lectures, my fellow-student, who was rather inferior than superior in point of knowledge, so far superceeded me, that I was incapable of holding any kind of argument with him. This often grieved me, and I labored hard to come up with him, but to no purpose ; for I had no chance till I availed myself of the same opportunity, which could not be afforded till the ensuing winter.
Thus it often happened that, aa I walked the streots, I was met by acompany of young ladies, whoso society and conversation on many occasions would be very agreeable, were often shunned ; and I would hastily retreat up an alley, walk the opposite side of the way, enter a house as an excuse, and thereby avoid being improperly drawn into their company; and often have I preferred the company of bare bones, and they have afforded me more pleasing delight than a set of players or a band of music. The shade of a tree, or the solitary summer-house, gave great delight; but often I was interrupted, and, indeed, unfortunately, by putting up and carrying medicines to remote parts of the town, as a mere lacque, without seeing the patients, drawing up and handing in accounts, dunning, &c.; a major part of this business is an unprofitable drudgery that rather retards than advances a student in the knowledge ef his profession, yet a very necessary part to be understood and attended to with due limitations.
The succeeding winter I attended the lectures on anatomy, delivered by Drs. Shippen and Chovet, who were vieing with each other, the latter a French gentleman, famous for his wax work representative of the different parts of the human body, and a great variety of dried and moist preparations superior to anything of the kind that had been offered to public notice.
I was diligent during this winter, and had I have had sufficient leisure, and not been interrupted, as before hinted, might have laid up a valuable store of knowledge; but these various impediments, and also a want of more pocket money to keep suitable dignified company, or, at least, to have buoyed up my spirits, which had now began to flag, from the circumstances of my family affairs, my father’s marriages, &c., the inability of converting my bond, deed, &c., into money, the reluctance to petition, the expectation on the part of my father for that humiliating application, which was indicative of approaching manhood, and a jealousy of an assumed independency, perhaps, dictated the propriety of a degree of suspension of unsolicited favors—my debtor would shuflle and use the most evasive methods to prevent payment—I had not judgment nor patience to pursue the proper methods—I was loth to require my father’s interposition—these different stepmothers who, though at a distance, wero eyed with jealousy by mo, and I also perhaps by them, as militating against each others interest As I possessed a full share of pride and vanity, yet loved and respected my father, I held them in a contempta-ble point of view, and as I was but little in their company, the operations were chiefly mental. When in their company, no improper conduct wasintentionally used towards them, but I rather sought and strove to be away ; and, as this was most desirable, did not much frequent my father’s house. My grandmother, in the interim, boarded sometimes at her sons, and at other times with different relations, and payed her board or lived by proxy.
During my apprenticeship, the Revolution of America commencing, and, my master advocating it, my natural inclination also inclining me thereto; by his directions I was admitted to solicit the post of an assisting surgeon in the regiment or battalion of the city or liberties of Philadelphia, commanded by Col. John Dickinson, my father’s neighbor, who had removed to Pennsylvania, and was perhaps the most celebrated character of that province ; but, in my infant view of all the world, the Pennsylvania farmers fame had traversed the continent and crossed the Atlantic, found its way into England, France, &c. The characteristic and distinguishing statesman’s garb, besides, attracted my fancy ; he wore a white paper around the crown of his Washington cocked hat, inverted in a military form, which, with his short soldiers coat, (whose uniform was brown and buff) was exceedingly pleasing to me, I early formed an inclination for imitation ; and, here it is to be noted, how natural it is to aim at the exteriors of merit, and to prefer the epaulets to the more noble endowments of the mind. I accordingly made my application, received my commission, equiped myself, prepared cap, and was furnished with an old sergeant’s sword, which I got quicksilvered over, hung and strung to my side, and marched who but I—and perhaps the strongest reason I could actually have assigned were, that John Dickinson or George Glentworth’s examples had so far pleased my fancy as to produce a casting vote ; however, many faint reasons were also assigned— as the love of my country, the justness of the cause, the desire of improvement, a knowledge of men and the world were occasionally considered as concomitant thereto ; but, in reality, the idea of imitation, and the desire of fulfilling doctors station was the extent of my ambition, which, could I be so fortunate as to effect, 1 thought I should be the happiest man in the world. The position was so honorable, independent, productive of general esteem, and somewhat profitable. The militia were ordered out, and marched as far as Elizabethtown point, in New-Jersey, in view of Staten Island, where a party of the British were quartered ; here a bam was substituted for our hospital, our passage and march being during the warm season, was agreeable, and to me like a party of ‘pleasure. We had a plentiful supply of all the necessaries of life—theinhabitants wore kind, loving, and friendly; as we marched they would often furnish us with milk and water, buttermilk, &c., to refresh us on the road, and, as I apprehended, through pure benificence. Whatever we had a mind to purchase could be procured, and a general good-will prevailed with the companies and inhabitants as we passed through the country. But it proved far otherwise in the succeeding part of the war, and this appearance of sunshine was like what is proverbially termed a weather breeder, and harbinger of an approaching storm. I had furnished myself with many things, as cups, saucers, teakettle, &c., which I found cumbersome and superfluous, and resolved, on my next excursion, to disburthen myself from this incongruous mass of unsuitable matter.
We remained about six weeks, and drafts being made up out of the different companies, the remainder were permitted to return. During my continuance here, my associate, who having had the advantage of the first course of lectures while I was prevented by sickness, having made a slip, gave general disapprobation, which happened after the following manner : he being the first mate and I the second, he had a con-troling power, and being desirous of taking a walk, intentionally rolled up a small particle of chocolate instead of an anodyne pill, and gave it to the waiter for one of the militia who was sick, because he would not give himself the trouble to make up the suitable prescription; this so irritated the whole corps, that he ever after lost his credit, and I began to supercede him.
Immediately on my return the doctor interested himself in my behalf, and I was appointed first surgeon to a battalion from the town of Chester, in Pennsylvania, under Col. Hugh Loyd. The excursion was very short—I received a month’s pay, and just went out to Trenton or thereabouts, and returned without ever getting my medicines ; and, on examination, they were negligently placed under a considerable quantity of iron, together with other chests belonging to surgeons in the seat of action ; and after this manner was excessive losses in various places.
Some time after my return, and in the intermediate space of time, I attended Dr. Rush, on chemistry and the practice of physic, also, Dr. Shippin’s second course on anatomy, and Dr. Bend’s chemical lectures, the hospital practice, and the general practice of the shop, various interruptions there were from the unsettled state of affairs both in Church and State. In this period I visited my father and connexions, and received various succors in money, clothes, &c. lie provided for my advancement in going out with the soldiery without any material objection, atleast without any restriction—and rather left me to the bent of my own inclination—and used to remark that he was endeavoring to give me an education whereby I should be better qualified to judge and manage my affairs in the world, than he could advise me. In this respect, I believe he was wrong, and ought not to have given up the reins, but by slacking gradually, never entirely surrendered them, till I had arrived at the legal years of maturity : nor then desisted from occasional counsel and circumspect inquiry, till more effectually settled in life, and especially in that kind of life which requires the utmost delicacy in interference.
About the twentieth year of my age, 1776, I arrived at the acme of my ambition very unexpectedly, for the doctor rathdr growing tired, or meriting a superior station, was promoted, and I placed in his stead, as first surgeon to the first battalion of the city and liberties of Philadelphia, commanded by Col. Morgan. The light infantry thereof, being otherwise called the Quaker company, many of whom consisted of the children of those who were, 6r had been members, or had been more or less connected with that religious order of people. They were, generally speaking, a smart, active, lively, ambitious, and enterprising set of young men—their uniforms were light-blue turned up with buff—and were commanded by Capt. Copperthwait and Richard Humphreys, the latter of whom I shall have occasion to mention in the subsequent part of this writing.
There was also a small body of marines put under my care, wrho, as marines, were very kind and obliging. Thus stationed, I apprehended myself the most happy person imaginable, the rank was with the staff officers, and pay of captain, with a divided horse between myself and the major—for me to ride while on the march—and he during parade ; but as the horse was pressed and taken away by force, as I understood, from some person, I refused to use him, and marched on foot altogether. A tolerable British surgeons chest of medicine was furnishd me, which belonged to a merchant of some of the companies, which was appropriated to the use of the army. Accordingly we proceeded, in the winter of 1776, first to Bristol, and there encamped some time. An old man Was given me as an assistant, and some young Jersey youth was added, who was taken up as a disaffected person—they were also in chase, 1 believe, of a fellow-student; for at that time there w'as very warm family dissentions. The common people began to be stired up, were put into office, the more opulent began to shrink, and the hardy veterans to turn out—often men who had nothing to loose were the foremost ad-venturers in this critical moment—then it was that, the since much celebrated Thomas Paine began to say, “ The summer soldier and the sunshine patriot will in times of danger shrink; but he who stands it now deserves the thanks of man and woman—he, together with a scattered band of patriots and some clergymen were occasionally found among the disbanded and much weakened armaments. On the 25th of the Twelfth Month, in this year, a considerable number of Hessians were killed and taken—we were ordered to decamp and cross to the Jersey, to act in conjunction with the regular army. We made our departure in the night, with three days provisions ordered to be prepared ; it rained, hailed, and snowed occasionally, and my chest could not be conveniently conveyed—the director-general, Dr. Rush, began to examine his regimental surgeons, and inquire how they were provided with suitable medicines, instruments, &c., in case of coming into action —the river was fdled with ice, and the Hessians cantooned in different parts of Jersey—on examination, I was found to have few or no necessary instruments ; the surgeon of the second battalion none at all, 1 believe, and scarcely any medicines, and the surgeon to the third battalion better provided than either of us. The light infantry of this battalion were designated by the name of the silk stocking company, and was made up chiefly of young gentlemen of condition and estate.
The doctor, according to his happy turn of mind, gave as a very superficial direction and charge, and left us to our future fortunes—the rain, &c., impeding us, we did not get over till the day following. Then it was I began to enquire what it was I had undertaken, for I found the ideal prospects were different when they began to be realized. My new cutlass (for I had laid aside my old sergeant’s sword) was no longer viewed with the first satisfaction, but was rather an impediment in my way—no objects to see my imaginary consequence, the little juvenile fancies, the fatigues of marching at unseasonable hours, the irregular meals, and the impracticability of keeping things in any tolerable order —my assistants squandered—for the youth who was put under my direction, which had made me begin to feel my consequence, after staying three days, had eloped; and we were variously moved from place to place through the Jersey. For some time we lay in a Quaker meeting-house, and again in Burlington, Bordentown, &c. On a particular occasion, I was sent several miles to see a Hessian woman, whose husband was a prisoner, and expected every moment I should be arrested; here, for the first time, I observed the most relentless cruelty; twocountry women, the only two who remained, differed in the most inhuman manner, the one not suffering the other to remain in the same room, and the family treating them with kindness, notwithstanding, but a few days before, they were excessively pillaged by the Hessian soldiery, who were then made prisoners, and had petitioned for assistance for their wives. In conversation, I learned that the women made it a practice to rob the dead, and they had several watches, 240, that they had brought with them, implements of husbandry, with an expectation of enjoying the conquered land ; this stimulated my youthful mind, I observed further the orders of Count Donop, the commander of the Hessians, who had directed provisions to be brought in, and unless these orders were complied with, that effects should be taken away without paying for them. I began to judge for myself, and compare these rough orders and conduct with those of our own people, who had been occasionally taking blanketing, &c., for the army, and the abuse of military laws, however they might be sanctioned by necessity.
The day preceding the cannonading of Trenton, General Miffin addressed the New-England soldiers whose times had expired. This very pathetic speech so affected me, that I shed tears to see a band of men destitute of clothing, and most of the necessaries of life; in the cold, inclement season, lying beside the fires made of fence rails, and consent, to a man, to stay for a small advance in pay. The officers were so dishevelled, that they could only be distinguished by their cockades, and the surgeon had on the shoes of a person a little before deceased. The next day these men were carried into action, many of them wounded, and they, in a great measure, repulsed the British at the narrow pass of the rI renton bridge, and prevented them from breaking in on the militia, and thereby, perhaps, putting a final period to the Revolution. I ever considered this a very critical period, and viewed, with amazement, the wisdom of Providence in raising up and putting down the powers of the earth. In the evening of the day of the battle, going to see the wounded, who were conveyed to the hospital on the side of the river Delaware, which was, in fact, an unlicenced act, but as we were measureably without control, and I young and inexperienced, and being desirous of gaining a knowledge in my profession, ventured to go down to see the operations, but previous to my setting out, I was called to the bridge to see a person; there was but a small board partition, perhaps, that separated the communication of the two armies, and a very inconsiderate soldier had attempted to pass the British sentinal toget a draught of liquor, as it was said. I thought it exceeding strange, that men would hazard their lives on such frivolous occasions, but 1 recollect to have heard a soldier, with an oath, declare he would not go to roll-call till he had begged a chew of tobacco, and not getting the kind he liked, insisted to his companion to stay longer, for he said he should receive but a few hundred lashes, and bantered his companion, who was very fleshy, (himself lean) that he disregarded the flogging he had received, but observed that it went very hard with the fat fellow. If this is the manner of a soldier’s life, I thought it would be better to he as my father’s slave, who have a good fire, tolerable warm doting, plenty to eat, and by no means such severe discipline imposed on them.
At this place, many brave men, chiefly New Englanders, having suffered dismemberment, the director and senior surgeons being tired of operating, offered the knife to several youths present, who, refusing, 1 stepped forward and took off the bare arm of a soldier, and although 1 performed the operation but indifferently, it being the first essay of the kind, took to myself no small credit, and it produced an emulation for future interprize. We lay down promiscuously about twelve or one o’clock at night, and got but little sleep; in the morning, by break of day, we were alarmed with the apprehension of the British light horse, surrounding and taking us prisoners, we (all the doctors) began our march along the river-side, some with swords, pistols, and such weapons as we could muster to make some small defence in case of an at-lack, and when we came to the road (for we took a circuitous) there we discovered the implements which were dropped by the baggage-wag-gons scattered along the road, and concluded we should soon be mado prisoners; hut, to our suprise, the army had stolen a march during the night, and hud come round on the back of the enemy. This unexpected manoeuvre was quito surprising to us; and my absenting myself from the army, 1 thought more excuscable, as T was in search of learning; but the surgeon of the second battalion, and Col. also, I believe, were left behind, who had gone out to procure more comfortable lodging than the camp afforded. I was, however, much chagrined to find myself cut ofl‘ from my regiment, and would fain have marched after them, but the enemy were between them and me, and no possibility of being united to thorn, till an additional recruit should be made up to force the junction ; in the second rencounter, two of the officers belonging to the first buttaU ion were mortally wounded, one or two of tbo marines killed, and 1 know not how many men.Just as we ascended the hill at Bordentown, as the sun was rising, we heard the cannon, and understood of the unexpected rout of the main body of the army. Here, and in the neighborhood, the stragling doctors and some clergymen were assembled together, and made one band ; a cart was provided for us to travel in, for some fat, lazy men would not walk. I became very uneasy, and entertained various conjectures, lamented my disbanding my associates, expected to be branded with cowardice ; however, after some short period, we joined the army at Morristown, to my very great joy, and recapitulating the circumstances of my absence, know not that I was much blamed.
I endeavoured to be as diligent and attentive to the sick as possible, was kindly and politely treated by officers and men; and here the lieutenant (Richard Humphreys), afterwards captain of the Quaker company, being indisposed, I drew some blood; this minute circumstance is mentioned, in order to refer to a passage which took place in the sequel of our lives, hereafter to be related.
Here, at Morristown, we took up our quarters, and thirteen officers lay in one room by the fire-side on blankets, with our feet to the fire (Indian fashion). Here it was that many humorous project were played, and wine frequently introduced, and drinking of healths according to new invented modes, and excess became frequent, for a degree of success had began to attend the revolutionists ; and when they came across the good nugs layed up for the British or their associates, they often shared the boon. On a particular occasion, at Burlington, as the American troops entered the city, there was the utmost consternation; for tho people, at least many of them, (for they came in in the evening,) knew not whether they were British or Americans, and at the house where 1 was quartered, the good woman, with the utmost anxiety, in very guarded conversation, prompted her little daughter to make the inquiry, and when she found who we were, knew better how to act. Here we partook of a very sumptuous repast,-said to have been provided for the British, while the master of the intended feast was compelled to officiate, and his ears was occasionally grated with the American toasts and topics of conversation by no means agreeable ; and thus it is that partizans often become the sport of fancy, and serve in turn to amuse opposite powers.
After we received our discharge for the limited time of our enlistment, we were permitted to return home; and as 1 had left some clothing at Bristol, it) the house of a Quaker where I was quartered, who, or thefamily at least, appeared politic enough to prefer what was called the better sect (or officers); but as I was neither acquainted with them, nor their principles, but exceedingly prejudiced against them, supposing them to be all tories, I did not very minutely inquire into their principles. I was treated civilly by them ; but thought I sometimes discovered the want of what I conjectured to be perfect resignation of mind, and rather a sour, down-look, or frown, when persecuted. This very great mastery, and necessary assendency of the human will, and subjugation of the power of flesh and blood, to a pure passive principle is, perhaps, rarely to be met with, even in the generally approved orders of Christendom, but absolutely necessary for the real and self-denying Quaker.
On my way from Carrell’s Ferry to Bristol, I think, crossing a manor for an extent of some eight or ten miles, I became hungry, thirsty, and very much fatigued; and stopping at a little wooden cottage, which was occupied by a woman very poor, who provided me with some string-beans boiled, and without meat, bread, or milk, I sat down and ate the most plentiful repast, and drank some small liquor, with the best and with the most sensible obligation to the donor, of anything I had ever experienced in all my life, and did esteem this favor superior to the most luxurious entertainments I had heretofore received, because my present necessity called for immediate aid.
And this circumstance has since occurred to me, when I received favors from the great that might have been dispensed with; that, had my necessities been equally pressing with the foregoing, they might not have been as cheerfully contributed to.
I passed on to Nishamony Ferry, eighteen miles to Philadelphia, and got their after night; but soldiers being quartered, and a continued buzzing noise, I could not sleep comfortably; besides, being anxious to get home, I awoke about three in the morning, and apprehending it near the approach of day, proceeded on—the moon shone very bright, and taking out my watch, found it not to exceed the hour mentioned; however, as I had got underw ay, I proceeded and came to my lodgings in Philadelphia just after breakfast, traveling with my blanket, knapsack, and accoutrements, to the joy of my family, and my own unspeakable comfort, and thought I had performed a very great feat, it by far exceeding any antecedent walk in that period of life.
I entered into the business of the shop, attended lectures, dissections, <he hospital, &c., and among others, those lalxaring under the camp-fe-ver, which I contracted, and being exceedingly debilitated, sent lor my father, who came up and removed me into the country; heie, on a milk diet and country air, I soon became recruited, as 1 had a peculiar predilection for milk, which proved very beneficial to me.
Previous to my going into the lower counties, a circumstance happened which I have always deemed Providential, (for I believe He is often pleased to effect that which weak, unthinking mortals least expect, for we are greatly beset to distinguish good from evil,) because so immediately connected with those important events of my life, that 1 have reason to remember with the most perfect gratitude to the Author of my being, and to whom I hope to look for counsel to direct all my future ways in the most obvious or intricate paths of life. My father having given me a draft on Caesar Rodney, then a member of Congress, and whose peculiar favors I remembered with gratitude, though in his exterior deportment bearing the marks of austerity, was, nevertheless, a man of great humanity, as well as firm political judgment. My inclination had led me to go to sea, and I had made up my mind to embark in the capacity of a surgeqn of a privateer that was going on a small cruise. The captian had been sick, and as a student, 1 had, with my associates, paid diligent attention to him, and thereby gained his goodwill, so far as to advance me to such a post, as I esteemed it, of honor and profit. Caesar, in conversation, found my time of service had nearly expired, inquired of me where I intended to settle. On explaining my intention, he advised me to the lower counties, and pointed out a vacancy which, on consideration, I apprehended would suit very well, which gave rise to the most important events of my life, and proceeded, under Providence, from this little intimation, whether he had formed any conjectural plan of a future marriage with the person who became my companion, and who was, in part, brought up in his and his brother’s house, I cannot say, for, in future, he never divulged anything of the kind, but he appeared always to have borne a very great friendship for her.
An incident happened during my apprenticeship worthy of remark,, by way of caution to unguarded and unprincipled youth, and which has, together with other circumstances, confirmed me in a belief that I was in the right not to trust to myself or that changeableness of mind, (but to be confined by indenture,) which is often to be met with in the desultory passions of youth. This young man alluded to, notwithstanding he was the youngest apprentice, was not secured in the manner before mentioned, but only held by what was called honor, and a certain fee; theconsequence of which was, that, notwithstanding he was a very smart, intelligent young man, and by far the best scholar, was loose, and being unrestrained, went wherever he liked; accordingly, on a particular oc-*-casion, he took it in his head to go on a party of pleasure to New Castle, where his sister, who was Governor Vandyke’s wife, resided, and soon to Port Penn; here he met with a handsome young woman, and without any further ceremony married her, and on the morrow was disposed to leave her; and, accordingly, returned under the character of a married man.
It seems his object was only temporary, and having gratified his curiosity, he basely desired to abandon her and go to sea; this appeared an act, in my estimation, base beyond conception—he was disregarded by us, and turned away. His mother, a good, humane-tempered person, was greatly distressed, and what became of himself or wife I never particularly learned ; but at that time understood her mother-in-law proposed to send for, and provide for her as a daughter; for she was esteemed handsome and virtuous, but descended of parents in circumstances far inferior to his.	•
In consequence of this intimation had from my friend, I represented the situation I was then in, and necessity of departing speedily from the city, because the British fleet was expected to block up the navigation, and therefore should have been under the necessity of conveying my medicines and shop furniture down by land, which would have been attended with considerable expence and trouble. Accordingly, the doctor consenting to my departing a few weeks before the expiration of my time, (with perfect good will and harmony) I provided myself with a tolerable selection of medicines, instruments, books, &c., and went down to my father’s; and in a few days he accompanying me, and speaking for board for me to Edward Fisher, I accordingly negotiated and took a part of the house for a shop, stable room for two horses, and privilege for a servant, at £40 per annum, (I providing food for tho horses), and he was to victual and lodge myself and boy, and he accordingly looked to my father for pay.
Immediately on my taking up my abode in that place, for it was very public on the main road to Lewis from Dover, and two physicians having left that circle of practice, the one uniting with the Americans, and the other departing to the British; for at this period most people were active on the one side or tho other, and the last montioned person having manifested sentiments favorable to the old form of govcrmont, was accordingly much harrasod, and finally obliged to leave his country.Intelligence was soon rumored about that a doctor had set up in the neighborhood, and although my appearance was juvenile, and very little of the hypocritic countenance, for I aimed both in dress and address to make the most brilliant appearance; yet, notwithstanding, the necessity of the people compelled them to take whom they could get, and as my father’s interest was very considerable, as also the family connections, every circumstance concurred to favor my progression.
Accordingly, on the first night of my setting up, having gone a few miles off, I was roused by a messenger, to visit the only son of one of the most respectable farmers in the neighborhood, (Henry Molleston, present sheriff, 1797,) who by an accident, had received a considerable concussion and bruize from the fall of a heavy piece of timber on his head. The way was very intricate, through bushes and swampy grounds, and although I had rather delighted in things romantic, the bushes whip-ing me in the face, and the wild appearance of the country almost discouraged me; however, after a short space, the distance being about four or five miles, we soon galloped there, and my mode of treatment proving successful, it established me in practice, and for two years I had as much as 1 wished to attend to, being called ten, twrelve, fifteen, or twenty miles distance, I wras provided with two good horses, though rather under the usual size for the present day, wrere light, active, wTell kept, and admirably adapted to that part of the country—they generally cantered, and I rarely rode any other gait; my servant, a negro boy, who had been raised in my father’s house, was uncommonly faithful, honest, and kept my horses clean and in good order—my boots and shoes—and occasionally went back and fomards to my father’s for food, (oats, corn, &c.,) as I chose, and they were fed in profusion.
This was a period of life the most free from restraint, for I had discovered that the prospects that had offered to my expectation the greatest degree of happiness, viz: when I should arrive at the station that my master was promoted to, was delusive, and instead of freedom and pleasure, I was subjected to a constant restraint, and debarred of that tranquility 1 wished, from a continual fatigue. It, therefore, fortunately produced this consideration, that happiness was an imaginary thing, and depended much on resignation and contentment in whatever situation or circumstances we might be placed in; that, as my mind was aspirin<T, could I be so fortunate as to arrive at the dignified station of his excellency, there would probably be something lacking. 1 therefore determined to discontinue this vain pursuit—otherwise it is likely I shouldhave busied myself in matters of state—for as a smart, lively young fellow, associating with my countrymen, I could plainly see the common road to fame, and observed many traveling that way ; some I undertook to counsel and advise, and some there are who long since took the field, much less qualified, and laboring under greater difficulties, have got within the gates of the city. At this, however, I do not repine, nor begrudge them their posts, pensions, nor preferments, but rejoice that 1 did not go with them hand in hand, but turned aside another way.
The place where I settled, although advantagious for practice, was very uncomfortable; surrounded partly by marsh, and low sunken ground—a creek with very little fall, and the water very bad—in summer the mosquitoes intolerable, and the heat excessive, with a confined air, heavy dews and fogs; the plantation lay exposed to the cold northwest, northeast, and easterly winds, which were very severe and penetrating—a causeway three quarters of a mile often to ride over two or three times a day, covered with water, half frozen, often a considerable part of the winter ; and in summer, breathing the noxious exhalation ot its mephitic vapor, I became sickly, and when, by using the barks and other invigorating medicines and diet, my system resisted the intermitting fever, &c.; nature, to relieve herself, affected my body with boils, and to ride continually in this state of anxiety compelled me to reduce my habit by a weakened diet; and no sooner was the vigor of the system reduced, than my complaints returned, and this transmutation I could readily bring about by the antecedent method. If this be my condition, what good doth my money do me ? But here it may be a proper place to pause, my sons,* and seriously consider and distinguish between reality and imagination. I have represented my outward circumstances as favorable, and bidding fair to make an estate; and I still think, under proper management, this might have been effected with ease and convenience to myself, and no disadvantage to others; at this period, corn, wheat, oats, and all kinds of country produce were exceedingly cheap, and in such plenty and profusion as to be wasted. Six, seven, and eight hundred bushels of grain was frequently bartered for an ordinary horse. Salt, from £3 to £5 per bushel; this article I had it in my power to make at an internal expense, for my father had given me a plantation on the salt marsh, with stock, team, plenty of wood, &c., and I had negroes at command; so that on a particular occasion, estimating my imaginary income, I had made a statement of from £3 to £6 per
* This history or notes being intended for the perusal of my children.day ; and as my father still continued his liberality, sundry bonds, notes, &c., were occasionly given me, as I found them convenient; and, indeed, I had very little need of money, for I was supplied with every needful thing. Continental in plenty, and as my patients called for their accounts, I gave them to them according as they asked for them, if not they remained unpaid—if they returned in some months with their bills, it was generally received in its depreciated state—if it was never paid, and they eloped, it made no great odds. I concluded, however, that 1 should like to receive the value for lands which my father had given me the bonds due for, if I got nothing for my practice, for I considered them of intrinsic value; and when I observed a disposition to pay one twentieth part of the value, especially by men who made pretentions of religion, sense of honor, or honesty, it would raise my nap and vex me; however, I kept laboring on without any competitors, in friendship with mankind, and they with me, and that without any hypocritical disguise, for I loved my country, and feared neither the open or secret enemies. I did not dissemble my political sentiments, and as to what may actually be called religion, I made no pretentions to it. True it was, I went occasionly to church, meetings, and such like places, and on the same or succeeding day to a horse-race, dance, or some other place of diversion, associated wifh the young people of both sexes, and participated in all youthful pleasures; At this time most of the old, cunning, sagacious men found means to discharge their accounts, especially as the money became worse and worse; and when the times altered, I was left with a great many bad debts which often cost me both money and pains to get rid of them ; for on their refusing to pay, i. e. particular objects, and these were commonly the superior orders, I would struggle to compel them, and found it would have been much better to have contented myself with the first loss than created a second. During these times of difficulty, there were some mazarine characters, who so managed their matters as to make fortunes, to obtain the public favor, and slip along the dust as easily as the snake, and leave as little vestige of their footsteps—acting in direct contradiction to the constitution that they themselves had made.
Thus plainly seeing the double dealings of my sagacious countrymen, while I looked on the laws of the land, in some measure, as inviolable as the Commandments—and too late discovered that these specious appearances were a mere finesse ; that horse-races, raffling-clubs, fairs, treats, threats, &c., and every insiduous method was taken by differentpartizans to bring into office, and that self-created consequence, or blind duplicity, was oftener the cause of promotion, than real modest merit. I began to entertain a different opinion of mankind than I had heretofore done. I therefore, having flattered myself that I could, by bringing my scattered interests to one point, succeed in a co-partnership with my old master, and I accordingly wrote to him, and received a favorable expectation of such a junction, and having prepared for a more final determination, made an essay to bring the matter to a conclusion—but was detained one week in the creek by contrary winds and low tides. I then made another attempt in another creek, and after being detained a considerable time in like manner, began to be credulous that I was about to undertake some wrong thing, which fortune or Providence seemed thus to obstruct on my procedure. Accordingly, on my way back from the vessel 1 stopped at an old acquaintance, (R. W.) at whose house there was a Methodist meeting, and the speaker, who was a young man, in his discourse convinced my understanding of the impropriety of my general conduct.
I returned to my place of abode, became more and more considerate, and my expectations and prospects of what the city life would produce, losing its lustre, I finally determined to remain where I was.
How Providence orders the minute concerns of men, may be wrapped up in mystery; and that he directs all the little offices of mankind, may be doubted my many; but what others may think, 1 am credulous enough to believe Providence has a special interposition in these matters, for, from this I date an important era of my life.
1 had not long concluded on taking up my abode in the lower counties, before the special object of my most serious consideration was presented to view, and after a friendly familiarity of more than twelve months, during which I maturely considered and deliberately weighed its importance, our marriage was accomplished. But as she was a member of the Quaker Society, and 1 of the Church, it of course occasioned her to be disowned. After a short period we went to house-keeping, and as I had not landed property suitable to settle on, I purchased a small plantation on Mispillon Creek for £200, and as the house was indifferent, exchanged it for a neighboring plantation, with a tolerable frame dwelling house, two stories, a kitchen, store-house, clever piece of meadow-ground on the creek, with orchards, and a tolerable proportion of wood land, but the soil was sandy and poor; I plainly perceived it was not wrell calculated for practice, but, however, I was not very fond of that business, and rather prefered agricultural employment. In the negotiation,I agreed to give the plantation which cost me £200, the deed my father had given me, estimated at £300, and £125 for the place, and considering it as, in a manner, paid for, excepting the £125 ; in order to raise which, I had stock, some money, my practice, besides a plantation which I valued at 5 or £600, and considered myself pretty well warranted in making this purchase; for although specie was very scarce, and all European goods, the necessary articles of life were very cheap; notwithstanding my apparent security, this contract had nearly proved my ruin, for I had contracted with a man who deceived me, and said it was paid for except £125, and showed me the penal bond for the conveyance, &c., and 1 knew that the purchaser had sold a vessel which I expected had been in discharge of this debt. I had previous dealings with the same person with whom I was then contracting, and he complied with his engagements fairly and honestly, and as I had not an immediate opportunity of being informed respecting this matter, entered into articles of agreement; he in a very short space of time attempted to sell the small place, converted the mortgage deed into bonds, and made way with one of them. Observing this procedure I became alarmed, and not hearing from the person with whom he contracted, I examined further and found it was a bite—retook the plantation and the bond of £200, and was obliged to take his own for the £100 which he choused me out of notv ithstanding he was committed. I had carried my engagement of marriage so far that I thought it best to purchase of the original owner, and cancel my agreement with this precarious dealer; and should never have obligated myself to have paid £625, notwithstanding I considered my estate, exclusive of my practice, worth twice that sum, including this land at near that amount, but for the reasons above mentioned. And here 1 found an excessive difficulty, for after having sold my plantation for £600, and paid out of this sum £280 cash, I gave a plantation that cost me £400 to be released from the balance of the debt, together with the purchased plantation itself, and probably if I had not, should have been a greater sufferer, for my effects were under execution for this demand as well as others, and a heavy interest sweeping with accumulating cost and principal.
I hus, my dear children, be very careful of debt, and cautious how you enthral yourselves. This contract was easily entered into, but very difficultly retracted from ; for after all this, the attorney dying without crediting the judgment in the puttu docket—for several years after it remained as an incumbrance against my lands, as did also many other demands of a like nature that had been long discharged.During my continuance on this little plantation, which was, perhaps, one year and a half or two years, I had a small family, enjoyed myself happily with my companion, and took my old grandmother, who I mentioned heretofore, to live with me, and here she died. She had ever been averse to the liberation of slaves, and although she knew my sentiments respecting them, for I conversed with her but a short time previous to her death on this subject, yet she could not give into it; but she would not alter her will, and thereby put it in the power of her son to retain them. Thus it is, I believe, that the light that Christianity is unfolding becomes gradual, and the full beauty of holiness and purity of perfection—not discoverable all at once—and that our predecessors, many of them, are not to be censured by us for not seeing or doing those things which evidently appears to be our duty. At this place was born our first son, Edward, and here, also, I had a fresh jog to my mind—a little inclined to inquire into the ways of Truth, for I began to think that as I was instrumental to the life of a creature, and I thereby became accountable, in a twofold sense, to the Author of my being, and should, perhaps, have been contented to travel on in my old way, had not this consideration taken place, to which was added a friendly visit, proceeded in and out of pure love and best intention, by a relation, who was younger in years than myself, and who had, to my certain knowl-edge, led a more exceptionable life—with qualifications and opportunities far inferior—to observe his gravity, his earnest Christian fortitude, and the advancement he had made, his strong reasonings, and his more convincing actions, made me ashamed of myself, and I beheld very clearly that 1 had been a Laodicean perhaps the most dangerous of conditions. Not resolution enough openly to espouse the cause of Christ Jesus, and yet willing to be numbered among his Christian people; but, nevertheless, to have an unrestrained liberty to act and do as I liked— and being met in this narrow pass, and not able to get by the glittering sword that turned every way, I was constrained to fall on my bended knees in a private place, and beg for mercy. In this position my wife came across me, and charged me with insanity and the wild enthusiasm of Methodism, for this young man, who had been a member of the established Church, had united himself with that society of people, and for a season manifested the most humiliating signs of true Christian devotion, and I believe out of doubt, was sincere; but, after marriage, getting into trade and business, he gave -way to improper company, and in an unguarded moment, rather accelerated his own death, as was thecase of some others, who, had they properly stood their ground, would have been as lights to the clouded hemisphere of Dover and its vicinity \ but perhaps he was timely removed—in his last moments he manifested penitence, and declared he died in charity with all men.
Not long after this my father died 1782, and as I had been very averse to his marriages, the last especially was the most exceptionable, and in a letter I wrote to him on that occasion, observed that I could never be reconciled, unless refined by Divine Justice, to the connection he had last formed; but it so turned out that I did experience a time when I freely forgave her, and sincerely sympathized with her. As the plantation after his decease descended to me, I found it necessary to go there; but not being in a hurry, the death of my parent, and other things bearing heavy on my mind, I was pressed thereto by my father-in-law, and after some persuasion consented, for he had died without a will, and, according to law, I was entitled to two shares in the estate ; there was eighteen or twenty negroes, and should I not have a share in the administration, they would likely be disposed of for life, and thereby be deprived of the liberty I wished them to enjoy, for they all came through my grandmother’s estate, two or three excepted ; and the woman whom my father had married was destitute of any property, either of land or moveables, except her clothing, so that I held myself bound to advocate the cause of the poor blacks, who then looked up to me for assistance.
And had not my father-in-law, who was a man of penetration, and acquainted with the intrigues of men, hurried me on, thus precipitately, I found there was a juggle thus early commenced to get the property into the hands of my father’s widow, and thereby played mad work with the negroes and other property.
On disconcerting the plan, I soon removed to my place, took upon myself the administration, for she was not disposed to bear any proportionate loss in the liberation of these people. She removed to a small ouse on the premises, and received some more than <£100 before I knew how my lather’s estate was circumstanced ; but, on examination found my grandfather’s, i. e.y my father’s father’s estate unsettled, and accounts very irregular, except the public documents, my grandmother’s guardian accounts, &c., all of which were necessary to be ascertained before I could tell what my father’s clear estate was worth. I therefore took counsel and received advice to advertise the bringing in my father’s debts, and to give bonds for demands against it. This, on se-rious reflection, I found was the way to break at once; for by this time I had began to comprehend the usual method of sharping, and, I believe, very justly concluded, notwithstanding I freely gave a half Johannas for this advice, not to follow it; for I sooii found my bonds were very good; they would lay against my plantation, and as to suits and expenses, it made no odds whether they were plain bonds or judgments, an accumulating costs, in some instances, would be advantageous to the holders. Those of other people which I obtained would not be received in payment from me, it was money they all wanted, or affected so to do. When I expressed an anxiety to discharge my debts—on offering effects, for I had stock, grain, several small plantations, &c.—they were all put by, or if attempted to be received at the most for inconsiderable value. Some would come forward and offer about half the value for the most valuable plantation, but would have nothing to say to anything else.
Thus it was that I was excessively plagued, and suffered inexpressible anguish of mind day and night, with but partial intervals for several years—continually harrassed for money—then it was necessity constrained me to make that very disadvantagious compromise heretofore alluded to, and which I might have readily avoided, had I not been too honest— “ what is it I assert ?” too honest! yes, I repeat it again, for, of my own accord, after my lawyer had opened the judgment which I myself had confessed, and removed it to the Supreme Court for trial, I, contrary to his inclination, made that compromise, determining to be out of debt if it took all, for I could find no peace under these pressing incumber-ances.
Not knowing all this while that my antagonist, a distant relation to my wife, and a cozening little man, had treated me so cavalierly, for after selling me the plantation, and entering into bonds of more than double the value of the property, he had mortgaged it to his sister, and had I paid down the money, he could not have made me a deed ; and this, perhaps, my attorney knew, but never unravelled the mystery— but the creditor cunningly investing himself with a kind of a power of attorney, (in the form of an order, as she thought) made a double demand ; and as I had all along apprehended that it was pressing necessity only that urged the demand, I was willing to suffer in part, as I had made the contract, and considered it as an unfortunate one for me, but as I could not pay cash, was willing to pay a much larger proportion— but little thought I was thus taken in. In this business also I had rea-son to blame some special friends who afterward became shear stakes, and finally got the lands.
Thus surrounded by relations who were sueing, friends deceiving, enemies frowning, mendicants begging, &c.—an increasing family of children—house full of negroes naked and bare ef clothing; some good, others very great knaves—a multitude of advisors, with opposite directions—a plantation out of order—a plagueing practice, and no physician but myself near at hand. I could neither do one thing to advantage, nor another. I finally concluded to let out my farm and return to my practice. But previous to this, while I was preponderating on the propriety of the liberation of my slaves, and in these embarrassing circumstances, a set of well inclined Methodists, for they were then very much in earnest; men who 1 knew, my neighbors and acquaintances, and some who had been busied in the Revolution, and engaged in libertine practices, who at that time appeared to be earnestly devoted to the cause of truth, and wishing to propagate their principles, as well as to produce a reformation amongst mankind ; for I am ol the opinion many was more engaged in this important business, than in making proselytes to their particular church. Some of those zealous people having opened a place for public worship about two miles from where I lived, to which they could not readily get, unless they came over by my house, or went round the head of the creek, twelve or fourteen miles or more, made a request that they might make use of my house, and one of the most respectable
character’s, P. B 1, a man who had been the sheriff of the county,
and in the legislative and executive department also, whose heart was tendered and reduced to a child-like state, and wearing away with bodily infirmity, but a true soldier in Christ, as he had before been in the carnal way, pressing me closely on in this matter, I agreed, if they could render my family or the neighborhood any essential service, they were welcome to make use of my house. Accordingly, they had several meetings, my relation before mentioned coming down, and putting a ready hand to this, as he thought, good work; but my wife, not acceding to such a proceeding, went away, perhaps, the first time. There was a pretty large collection for that remote part of the country, for I lived in the extreme part of a narrow neck of land, the Delaware Bay describing two-fifths of the circle, and a creek and marsh on the south and west; but there was a large collection of negroes, and I had a family of eighteen or twenty of my own. My wife, who was an excellent economist, and put everything to the best advantage, and who was alsoa solid person, and woman of deep penetration and judgment—whether from any family cross or natural inclination, or peculiar predilection for her own religious tenets, or from that natural propensity and dislike which we have of parting with the pleasant things of this life, and utter dislike of bearing the cross—could not in any wise tolerate these carryings on; and on a particular occasion, when one of the preachers was at 4 the house, in an unguarded moment, dashed out a small Bible, I believe, which belonged in the family, through mistake, for the Methodist Hymn Book; this was, perhaps, in an outward room, and was understood as an unwelcomeness to the preacher, who thereupon proposed, after making a very apt observation, that he would go to a neighboring place, and accordingly went away, and I believe there was few or no more assemblages there afterwards. My dear children, I mention this circumstance with some degree of caution, and as a warning to you, to be very circumspect in the determination of wrong or improper and hasty conclusions.
Joseph appears to have been very hardly dealt with by his brethren. Pharaoh’s wife’s enticing charms not being sufficient to make him commit an error against his conscience, and his imprisonment, though perfectly innocent, was the very means of promoting him to honor, and enabled him through faithfulness, to satisfy his hungry and half-starving brethren, and to furnish his father’s family with the comforts and conveniences of life. Thus, I believe, did this unprecedented act of one of your best parents, bring about your establishment in a better and more pure society, and if you avail yourselves of what she and myself have procured for you, you will find it sufficient to supply your hungry and thirsty souls, if you faithfully abide in the patience, and attend to the true and proper directors which you have placed in your own breasts, it will bring you out of the land of Egypt and from the house of bondage. But further, my dear children, do not rest in exteriors, formality will do little for you—what comfort does the winding-sheet and grave-clothes afford to the dead body ? what emulation does the earthy matter, when screwed up in the coffin, participate of? when sincere friends pay their last respects to human nature, does their best actions, twice told, when formality attempts to wrap a mantle of panegyrick around the dear remains of departed innocence ? Shall these things prevail ? no, they shall not be heard! it shall be to them as if never spoken.
In some of the preceding pages, I alluded to the slaves who belonged to my father’s estate, they were appraised to about J2900; and on ex-ftmination of said estate, which I at first had apprehended was superior to demands against it by some considerable amount, I found was greatly ■embarrassed; to release these people, and become answerable in the payment of his debts, and thereby sink my own property, part of which I had acquired by a successful practice of several years, by what my father had previously given me, by the property which 1 had fallen heir to by my grandmother, by increasing my involvements when I could extricate myself very readily, as I apprehended, by releasing them, deducting their appraised value, i. e., by letting them free, each one to pay what he was valued at, I sometimes thought would be fair; for if they had been left to me free from encumberance, I could readily have discharged them, but to account for their value in the estate, was to lay that burthen on my land, which, at my father’s death, was mine, free from encumberance, and to neglect to take upon myself the appraisement, was to fix their fetters. Thus 1 meditated what to do, sometimes projecting one plan, and at another time another, advising with different people, whose counsel were equally diverse. In this perplexed state, one morning, about the dawn of day, as I lay in my bed alone, my wife being at her father’s, I was impressed with a very pleasant sensation, such as, I think, I had never before experienced ; and the parable of the lost sheep came before the view of my mind, I shed tears, and it appeared to me as if I had but little time to confer with flesh and blood respecting this important duty, that I must release them immediately. I arose, and as was my usual manner at that time, after convening the family in a private room, read to them a chapter or two in the Bible, declared, in the name of God, I would set them at liberty, i. e., those who were of mature age, and then agreed with them on wages. Some time after, observing their conduct to be very exceptionable, I "as tempted to retain them, and that by this act I should ruin myself, and perhaps do an injury to society, by turning loose a body of people, who might be prejudicial to the public. But I had scarcely indulged this thought, before conscience, that quick monitor, reminded me of my evidence, for although I had then given no manumission, or formally signed or sealed any instrument of writing obligatory, yet, on conviction,
I found the testimony sealed—more than any human record, and from which I could not be released; and here let me caution you, my dear children, to keep these covenants made with the GTod of Abraham inviolable, who, though he tries our faith, will not suffer us to be tempted beyond measure, but with the temptation, has made a way for our re-lease by the sure mercies of David. They were therefore released, and when my mind became calm, an assurance seemed stamped on it that I should not want; but, I do verily believe that, had I listened to the tempter and a worldly exciting spirit, which is, indeed, very natural to me, and sold them for an advanced price, and extended those worldly views and projects, that before this time, 1797, I should have died miserable, and perhaps of an untimely death.
After discharging the grown negroes I let out my plantation, put out most of the younger ones till they were of age, and settled on a small farm not far from my father-in-law’s, carried it on, and practised physic; but as the house was small and indifferent, it became perplexing. I continued about one year or eighteen months, and removed to a small village called Frederica, into a comfortable building, and took twe apprentices, my practice was considerable, but my health was so greatly impaired, that I passed through great affliction in the prosecution of my business. My affairs was also much embarrassed; although I nominally made money, I could not adjust my matters so as to discharge my debts to my satisfaction, and was exceeding jealous of the intentions of designing men. I often sustained considerable losses, was disappointed in precarious suits, delayed in these intricate pieces of business, so that I apprehended, if I died, my family would be involved in insurmountable difficulties, and I labored hard to bring my matters into a narrower compass, and finally removed to a smaller house of less rent, and here I thought I plainly saw the unstable friendship of mankind—my goods were under execution, although my various property at a moderate valuation, would have twice paid the sums 1 owed, yet my friends began to forsake me. The upstarts, who had grown into consequence, like butterflies, would look on me with coolness, and I began sensibly to feel iny want of consequence among those who had in former days been my inferiors. My tenants were generally contriving to shuffle me out of my just demands, and dispute contracts—my debtors pleading their inability of payment, or proposing effects which would not bring money, while they paid other demands; my patients leaving me, and applying to strangers, those whom J had attended with diligence and attention for years, with unsettled accounts—many running away, and for want of a firm, steady determination not to be imposed on, I sustained considerable losses, and in some cases, for want of more patience; but a still greater, for want of having the interests and affection of men in power, many of whose conduct my mind was so incensed against, that I could not stoopto ask favors from, and found it impracticable to negotiate my concerns without their assistance, that the woe pronounced against the men of the law, was very comprehensively interpreted by me in these times of difficulties.
Here I met w ith a special friend, who, by the assi?tance of £100, and standing in the gap, perhaps saved me a £1,000. A sure friend is to he accurately distinguished in distress—regard such as inestimable jewels, while you pass by the unstable as a vessel does the rising waves, without suffering them to swallow you up.
At this place two of my children were born, and one died, who had been a long time indisposed; my wife was brought near to the brink of the grave, and in a solemn moment, in a vocal manner, uttered the most comprehensive prayer I almost ever heard in so few words : “ Oh, Lord, prepare me for this awful state!” At this time she was frequently visited by a neighboring man, a Methodist, with a good and friendly intention, and which she received with acceptance ; this man had been a libertine, and was so bowed down under a sense of his exceptionable practices, that he became as a valiant even to a degree of enthusiasm, and had manifested an upright walking, insomuch that paying a more close attention to his domestic affairs after he became religious (for he had been much behind hand before) he was getting in a thriving way, and occasionally the world intruded. On a particular occasion I received a new kind of a lesson from this person, for knowing what he had been before, an horse-racer and dancer, &c., and observing his great, and I believe, sincere zeal, I was induced in my mind, for he was an old man, to compare him with the Apostle Peter; yet it so happened that, in an unguarded moment, he got in a passion with me, and without just cause, for want of reflection, so as to exceed the bounds of ordinary severity. Considering him so good a man, instead of exciting my passion, I was filled with admiration, and it was some time before I could pacify bim. It taught me this useful lesson, to consider the fallibility of human nature, and not to trust too much to ourselves; for if he, so good a man, could err so much, how cautious should I be ? James Nailer, a character among the Quakers, is a memorable instance of the fallibility of human weakness, depending on its own strength. Seek, therefore, supernatural aid at all times, in strength as well as in times of weakness; watching is as necessary as praying, and both, as the mint and cummin, to be annexed to the law, judgment, &c.
Finding my practice insufficient to extricate me from my difficulties,for as I acquired by it, I sunk in other concerns, for want of having them under my own observation. I finally determined to remove on my farm, the only one I now had, having disposed of the rest, and w’ith various twists and turns extricated myself from many embarrassments; however, to moie effectually do away the remaining incumbeiances, I apprehended the farm the only safe and secure way; for when I raised grain and sent it to market, it would bring cash. No one would refuse this, and there were some creditors that nothing else would answer; besides, I expected to make collections in the little dribs about the country in such effects as w’ould improve on the farm, and that my increase would be proportioned to my industry. Accordingly I removed into Jones’s Neck, and surrendered my practice into the hands of my students, who became qualified therefor.
Hut, on coming to my plantation, I had to remain part of the year with the tenants in the same building. The plantation being much out of repair, and I no spare money to go on with, but thought it best first to endeavor to discharge my debts and live in a rough manner, apprehending it the only safe way. During this interval of five or six years, the neighborhood had been greatly changed by deaths, removals, and new comers. The shackled condition of the fencings, as well as buildings, required a vigorous exertion; although my constitution was greatly debilitated, on seeing a prospect of extricating myself from debt, hope began to revive, grain to increase in value, and after some length of time I began to handle money—that rare thing for the labor of night and day wras‘ not on the daybook, or in uncertain notes or bonds procured after great pains and trouble, and generally with more or less of offence, but it was in w heat, corn, and stock, and these w ere as easily exchanged as the bank bills, so that 1 began to bring home by bonds, and settle my debts without being and pleading with my creditors as I had heretofore done.
While I lived at Frederica, I, with my wife and children, were received into membership with the people called Quakers, my wife and children first, and myself afterwards. This arose, I apprehended, from a scrupulous jealousy, least as I was said to have come in by convince-ment, and had not all the etiquette of the Quaker about me, but actually advanced as I apprehended. Truth opened the W'ay, and as I found my mind inclined to the ceremonious form, only as convenient and necessary, and free from superfluity, I was not exactly uninformed as they w’ere; for, as I apprehended, there wras rather a superfluity in the longskirts of the long skirted coat, I had mine rather shorter, and as the hand was sometimes swelled and sweated and would not come through the sleeves, I had a small button or two, so that in cold weather it would connect close to the wrist; and as I had frequent occasion to use my pockets, and especially in cold weather, with my coat buttoned, I apprehended the cross pockets more useful, and therefore adopted that plan ; but as I could perceive no benetit from buttons at the hips or extreme parts of the skirt of my coat, I directed my tailor not to put them on so that I appeared rather odd among my brethren, those with whom I was about to connect myself; further, 1 had continued what was called family duty (convening them together, reading a chapter in the Bible, and making a short invocation) or else sitting in silence of a morning; and this duty seemed to have been impressed on me, first in an involuntary manner, which was very irregularly adopted after a severe spell of sickness, which had occasioned me to look with seriousness on judgment as well as death.
These singularities, perhaps, made the members of society more guarded (I apprehended in my reception), for I observed that the most influential member having put me by for one month longer, made mention of the Jleece which was found moist when there was no dew, and dry when there was, as if he expected something more than common from me; however, I was very well satisfied when I began to consider that I must first imitate my little children, if I meant to become a follower of Him who was meek and low of heart; and so coming after them, I was sincerely thankful that I -was not more hastily taken in.
But, as I apprehended, nearer the period of time for admission, and my mind more given up to become Quaker, for I had searched out the derivation of the word both scientifically, and from sensibility of mind 1 found an increasing struggle, and many were the suggestions of the enemy of my soul’s peace; for when I would figure to myself the idea of being a Quaker, and in imagination stand before my acquaintances, those humorous satyrical persons, those more consequential—and especi-ally my old master—Philadelphia acquaintances, and appear before them in this garb, my inclinations would almost change.
But Providence so far favored me as, at that time, to continue my troubles, and often increase them ; my health also w as greatly impaired, and I had often to look to the other world as well as this. I was assisted by many little incidents which, though futile in appearance, w'ere weighty in the event. At a particular time, while I was making up mymind on this important occasion, being at the house of my acquaintance, a female, who was also about to make an application, observing her in a fret, I took notice that I apprehended both possessed principles, that, if properly combined, would make one Quaker, for she repeated the word thee with improper heat and passion, and I wore a plain coat, but could not say thee. This little jog I found helped me, whether it did her any good or not; for, on serious reflection, I found it was not so difficult that I had the power of speech, and was not mutilated; and, moreover, was frequently inculcating it to my children, and trying to accent the words alone; but when I reflected should it please God to deprive me of speech, as was the case with John Baptist’s father, because I would not be obedient in this little matter, I was made willing to give up; and on that day, it so happened, I was necessitated to appear before a justice of the peace, a sarcastical person, and one whom I most excepted against of any in the village, to hear my new mode of speech, but went forward with a degree of hope and faith, and used the term without disguise, and felt great comfort of mind, and found no difficulty in it from that day to this. Thus, my dear children, attend to the day of small things, and my son George especially, try to remember the time when thee sat on one of my knees, and thy sister Peggy on the other, when Job Scott had a meeting at my house, and that I repeated afterwards my sensibility that some material difference, I apprehended, would attend your conditions, and the testimony he then bore witness to is yet to be fulfilled on condition of faithfulness, and who or what it is I know not, but have believed that the name of Luff' will not be buried under the walls of a convent, if an honest intention, although an intemperate zeal, might have excited too great credulity.
I have sometimes been led to believe that man, and the different orders of men, were something similar to the seeds of vegetables, as it is scripturally expressed, “ men do not gather grapes from thorns, nor figs from thistlesand as a grain of corn removed from a warm to a cold climate, or the reverse, will vary very materially, yet it will not change to wheat or rye; so also an Indian or negro will not, through many generations, or perhaps not at all, assume the entire features and complexion of the European ; so also the disposition of parents, or some peculiar trait of character and form of body, as well as disposition of mind, is often to be traced out in succeeding generations. When I reflected on my being united to the Quaker Society, the progression of my life, and its various incidents, previous to the little sketch of my genealogy,I was struck with amazement; but afterward, and especially should certain events take place in any branch of the family, I should be led with more wonder to contemplate the works of God among the children of men.
Let neither vanity nor folly excite us to do wickedly, nor obey the actual commands of God merely to receive the applause of men; but such things as evidently appears to be our duty, and divinely required of us, to perform the same in faithfulness, even at the risk of our natural lives.
After this digression, I return to my place of residence, Jones’s Neck, Kent County. I was very disadvantageously situated as to the attendance of meeting, especially my wife and smaller children, for if we walked we had three miles to go, one over a marsh, very cold in winter, and disagreeable when the mosquitoes were thick in summer, and sometimes it was impassible by being overflown, or impracticable by ice, &c., and if we rode, fourteen, sometimes eighteen miles, to head the creek, yet some of the family pretty generally attended, and we often got there in good time, whether we walked or rode, sometimes being impeded we went to another meeting about eight or ten miles off. The monthly meeting whereof was about twenty to twenty-one miles, and considering this might, on the whole, be most convenient, made an application to our monthly meetings for a certificate of removal, which was so worded that it did not seem to stand with precision, as being clear of outward difficulties; this was taken notice of by one of the most accurate observers, who noted this defect; I was very happy to have some matters adjusted, with which I had been along time plagued, and observed that it might be the case, and should like to be assisted in this matter, for I really thought there was some justice due to me, which I could not readily get at by the common mode—in consequence of this failure there was no future application—and we continued to attend the meeting as often as we could get access thereto; and here it may be noted for the encouragement of those who have less difficulties in these moderate times, and plead excuses for non-attendance, that, notwithstanding the summer heats (with mosquitoes) was severe, and winter colds pinching, and my wife often went with me in these passways, that if I omitted to attend these meetings, I felt more anxiety, distress, and perplexity in staying than when I went, and further, that I did not think the distance and disadvantages attending a sufficient reason for leaving that country, but always received an ample reward for the dis-charge of this religious duty, but for omission, when I could have at* tended, dissatisfaction; nay, so credulous have I been as to think that even my outward affairs did not equally prosper, but when I went and returned the short way, I was enabled to adjust my affairs with alacrity, and Providence seemed to bless the outward labor, as I possessed patience in those things that seemed religiously to be required of me.
We continued thus to attend as often as we well could the respective week-days, first-days, month) and quarterly meetings, and attended to the business of the farm for the space of two years and more; and I had got an increasing stock, tolerably suited as to team, utensels, &c,, for the prosecution of the farming business, and was prosperous; but as the plantation was large, and scarce of timber, and required secure fencing, as there was a considerable thoroughfare on both sides of the plantation, and laborers scarce and unsteady—my houses wanting considerable repairs, &c.—and to this was added an indisposition of body that so reduced me, that I apprehended it absolutely necessary to remove to give some prospect for the prolongation of my life. As my children could not have the advantage of a suitable education, should I have died there, I apprehended the plantation divided into so many shares would have been spoiled, and, if offered for sale, perhaps sold to a disadvantage, so that I finally concluded to dispose of it and seek a more suitable one. Having, therefore, come to this conclusion, I proposed the consideration of removal to my friends, who, having acceeded thereto, about the latter part of the Third Month, 1796, we departed from the place of our abode, having previously sold the same to John Dickinson, to the Borough of Wilmington, and got safe there the second night following, and rented a house on the west side of the borough, in West-Street, near the Friends meeting house.
The house was old and much out of repair, but we endeavored to make the best of it; and proceeding to the necessary exigencies, we 6oon arranged our little family which consisted of four children, two servants, a woman, girl, a lame negro boy, and our two selves. The people were kind and friendly, i. e., not formerly so only, for they are rather reserved in their manners (the people of Wilmington) generally speaking.
We brought up a pretty good stock of provisions, wood, &c., my wife’s next care was to regulate her domestic department—we had but little good furniture, but a good store of bedding and home-made linens and woollens—she being an excellent economist, and rendered signal service to many indigent people, black and white, in a manner that ter-minated doubly to their advantage as well as her own. I have admired with how little, and yet how amply they were recompensed for their services—this may seem somewhat paradoxical, for after making with her own hands a cap, bonnet, &c., they were furnished with a very ample supply of little necessaries, which she judiciously selected for them, which she knew they stood in need of, and they were not often paid till the services were rendered, or if so, an exact account kept of particulars, and often, after making full compensation, some more was added; she kept them at a suitable distance, by which means they were dilligent in their business, and finding they could not over-reach or deceive, they were more apt to be honest and industrious. By this means a very large and ample provision was made and stored up by this true help-mate, so that when I came to examine into her collections, I found they far exceeded my expectations. We brought up upwards of £300 in cash, the sales of stock, grain, &c., and had the amount of the land sold to J. D. in bond, and intended to purchase a house as soon as a suitable place should offer, but apprehending it best to wait and see the event of my practice, the manner and habits of the people of the place, &c., we were not hasty in this particular. Our certificate was sent up, some kind friends seemed to interest themselves on our behalf, and a little practice ensued.
My wife frequently complained of an oppression of her breast, which had remained with her at intervals from the time she had the measles, which, I believe, left her lungs disordered, and she being in a pregnant state, that preindisposition was augmented.
This habit, from the impure state of the atmosphere below, I apprehended, both with respect to myself as well as wife, was exceedingly debilitated, and I soon found evident relief, as did my eldest son; but the condition of pregnancy in my wife retarded this favorablo progression in her.
My daughter, sometime after our coming up, was attacked with the measles, and was nigh expiring, but through mercy recovered. My two eldest children went regularly to school, but without much improvement, the desire of play and amusements engrossing too much of their attention. As I intend often to enter into minutiae, it may not be improper to advert to a circumstance which may here be noted. As I observed heretofore, I had brought with me some cash; as it lay by me (chiefly in gold and silver,) waiting for an opportunity to purchase a house, my eldest son came to me with the information that a French-man had several very elegant gold watches ; and notwithstanding I had endeavored to be very frugal and saving, or was rather slovenly in my habit and dress, particularly while in the country, and considering myself a farmer, I must needs go and purchase one of these gold watches: so off I posted, was conducted to the place, and introduced by a shoemaker to the French gentleman, who produced his time-pieces. I must here acknowledge the motives:—1st, a degree of vanity; 2d, that the price being rather under value, ( $100) if necessity compelled it would bring an equivalent, and would be equally safe as the money laying in the house ; 3d, a degree of charity—for by French emigrants possessing these baubles, (rings, gold watches, plate, &c.) they were enabled, on making sale of them, to purchase the necessaries of life; and as the bank would not give interest on the money I had, and I could not loan it out, I apprehended I did not act so indiscreetly; and withal indulged the fancy that I should please my companion, (who was not apprized of my intention,) and manifest that mark of respect I apprehended due to her merit, I paid down the price, and brought home my prize—presented it to my wife as an introduction to my future progression—she received it with unexpected, or undesired thankfulness, and sometimes wore it. We were visited by her brother, (Dr. Fisher) and wife, with whom she went to Philadelphia, and made a short visit to her connections there. Afterwards her sister and her husband came up and stayed some time. Not long after, we took a view of a small, convenient building, on the back of the town, but it was objected to on account of the situation, and want of friendly society—the price £1000. Not long after another house presented in Main-street, the property of a Frenchman, a large, spacious, and well-built house, wiih convenient back buildings, price £1,500; this brought new views, to dispose of part of the property, so as to reduce it to about 1,000 or £1,200, and as the stand was good for any public business, I had intended to new model my affairs, and proceed, as the saying is, neck or nothing, to break upon my general store-house, and setting all on float, depend on the wind and weather ; but I was soon stopped in this career, for two weeks being allowed for consideration. In the interim, my wife took sick and died of a puerpural fever, six days after delivery, and left an infant, who departed in about two weeks afterwards, in the Tenth Month, 1796. A little preceding her death, my eldest son, who had expressed a great desire to follow the sea, (a short voyage offering under a suitable character, as I apprehended,) he had both his mother’s and my permission,but in his taking his leave, it was a final one—some such apprehension, it is said, she expressed on biding him adieu.
Her case was as follows: was taken with labor pains about 11 or 12 o’clock, on the 30th of the Ninth Month, 1796, and at three in the morning was happily delivered of a male child, continued with ordinary pains, (here is some abreviation as relating to the peculiarity of female cases, not suitable for juvenile observation,) took fifteen drops of L.L., which not tending to compose her she had 18 gr. of opium. Second of the month, pains abated, except at intervals, and symptoms as favorable as most cases in like condition. Third day, feverish, tongue dry, pain in the head, &c. As soon as the fever attacked her, my spirits flagged, as the aspect appeared to me unfavorable, and apprehending the lungs affected, the abdominal viscera deprived of their ordinary functions du-ring gestation, and the fatal tendency of typhus fever, I called in my neighbor, Dr. Chattare, who proposing an emetic, and not meeting with my approbation, Dr. Tilton was consulted, who concurring in opinion, and strenuously urging it with concurrent testimonies of relief in similar cases, I submitted the case entirely to their judgment, with directions to order the prescriptions as they thought best, for I was, as it were, deprived of any kind of judgment, apprehending death to be the issue. She had began to be delirous, a doseof ipecacuanha was prescribed, which not operating in one hour, 10 grains was repeated—after two or three hours operated once, and discharged some bile, it produced a free perspiration. Some laxatives and clysters were given with a good effect__________
in the morning the fever was abated for a while. Fourth day, morning, as the feverish habit came on, the difficulty of breathing increased, with those marked symptoms so unfavorable in typhus cases. Drs. prescribed Ra. corj. and anodines, this rather was the judgment of Dr. Tilton, Dr. Chattare disapproved of laudanum, proposed blisters, which was not so conformable to the opinion of Dr. Tilton. In this interim I concurred with Dr. Chattare, and applied a blister to the sternum, as having regard to the original and local affection—continued wine and barks, conferred again in the feveniitgi|“dh»eotmLJlQ drops M. wine, soup, and whatever was cordial and nourishing, with ventilation—a removal of the bed from the wall, and a purification of bed clothing—the fever continued without remission, delirium, anxiety, prostration of strength, and finally dissolution a little before 6 o’clock in the morning.
Thus being bereft of a near and dear companion, with an infant who promised fair to survive—it was taken to a neighboring woman, whohad a young child about three months old, it continued with tolerable health for two weeks and then expired. During the lifetime of its mother we had not identically fixed on a name, but afterwards I called it ■after myself.
When I was about to take a final leave of the dear remains, to be committed to the dust, as it is emphatically expressed, to return to dust again, my eyes was directed to the mansion-house we had proposed to purchase, and viewing the coffin my mind recoiled—what a different habitation—how uncertain are all things here below—because she was a valuable woman, and I was willing to show a respect to her memory. I directed a mahogany coffin, but when my child died, it was intimated io me by a very examplary elder, Caleb Seal, and member of our meeting, that the polish on coffins appeared exceptionable to him, and that he should choose a particular kind of wood for his coffin, oak ; it appeared reasonable that the polish and costly wood with large silver plate, and much pains taken to invite to funerals, has too much of pomp and pride, and that the love of the world and fear of worldliness often gives rise and continues us in these practices.
The want of this formal invitation prevented a particular friend and old neighbor, J. D., a man in high station, from attending the interment of my wife, who was at the burial of the infant, alleging it as a reason that he was not particularly notified—how stiff and stubborn is pride and vainglory!
With the termination of life in my wife ended the imaginary castle that I was building in my mind. I found myself stripped of that main prop that supports the edifice.
A young woman, my neighbor’s daughter, was obtained for assisting my wife during her indisposition, a careful, notable person, a member of society, who continued with me for the space of one or two months. She with her mother and a worthy ancient female friend had my effects put up carefully, and inventored in a neat, decent, and comely manner, and I found the house was plentifully supplied with most of the absolute requisites in the womens department—the diligent, frugal, and industrious earnings of my dear departed companion.
I concluded, upon mature deliberation, that it would be best for me to arrange my affairs in a way most likely to be consistent with the profession 1 was making to the world, to avoid as much as possible allurements, improper company, and whatever might tend to alienate the mind from its proper place of duty.1 therefore concluded to endeavor to procure some old, staid and sober person, to keep my house; but after some fruitless attempts, none offering who were members of my religious denomination, I finally concluded to advance the negro woman who had lived in the house, to this station—curtail my affairs—arrange them in as narrow a compass as possible—put out my children, and if this method did not suit, finally to discontinue housekeeping altogether. I was led theieto, more especially, by considering the evident loss sustained by keeping superfluous articles, which, sold and put to use, would procure much more, when the children Avere of condition to require them, even if they sold considerably under value, or should I require the like myself hereafter.
Having, therefore, finally determined on this method, I placed out all of my male^hildren to trades except the youngest; my girl, a beautiful, lovely, affectionate, and endearing little creature, I proposed placing in the country to learn housewifery; at this some of my particular friends started and look wild, censured me severely, and thought I was an unrelenting parent. All this time I carefully examined and weighed every particular, looked forward and backward, and in every direction my narrow scrutiny could invent, to see what would be best—who the most eligible, and finally was directed to a place (or, perhaps, providentially), for I believe Divine interposition often orders those concerns which man is too apt to attribute to his own judgment; for at this very place her mother and myself called many years ago ; in the same neighborhood Providence was pleased to convince my judgment respecting the people called Quakers, their good economy, &c., and what the All-Wise distributor of human events may further bring about, is best known to infinite wisdom. So it is, and thereto I must subscribe, Amen!
[1797.] In the summer and autumn of this year the inhabitants of Philadelphia were visited with a malignant fever, and as they had four years past gone through a very distressing and afflicting time, they soon became alarmed, &c., leaving the city—filled the neighboring villages. The emigration prevented my removing and taking board as I had previously proposed, but as I had let part of my house, I found a necessity of continuing in this way some time longer. A few people were affected with the fever in this (Wilmington) and the neighboring places a
general alarm spread through the country, though no great mortality, in other respects the place was remarkably healthy. The yearly meeting coming on, I weighed the propriety of going to Philadelphia, and al-though not appointed a representative, or any direct injunction, I dp-pfehended the meeting would be likely to be attended with comfort to those who went without sinister views. In this respect I could not consider myself altogether free, for a physician (formerly of Wilmington, a member of our Society,) having deceased, and my wife’s connections having considerable influence, and I apprehended a love to her children might use their endeavors to assist me in setting up there; besides, as I had connections of my own, and had, previous to my freedom, been as surgeon to a regiment of the militia during the Revolution, and my old mastei dead, I flattered myself I might get into some business after awhile; these motives, therefore, had some weight to excite my going;
1 thought I might at least see my way clearer, and weighing the matter,
I finally concluded to go. As the disorder was considered ^o rage with increasing violence, 1 thought proper to endeavor to adjust my outward affairs, so that if I did not return, it might be most easy to my mind.
I accordingly made some little alteration and addition to my will, set off, looking only to danger from the city or the disease; but on my way I found that it is necessary to be always on the watch, for the stage horses taking a fright, convinced me we might have soon been crushed to pieces, and death ensued, ere we had got to the city; however, no disadvantage ensued, they were soon stopped* but it was a caution to me to keep on my guard.
When we entered the city two herses coming near to the stage, which was full of people, seemed somewhat alarming, and when we had got to the place where the stage put up, we were soon presented with a few mourners attending some deceased person, all with solitary countenances • indeed, most people looked solid—and even the taverns—the people put on a very different appearance from their ordinary manners, and perhaps two-thirds of the houses were shut up. After dinner I walked towards Pine-Street meeting-house, and coming near the place, took a turn back another street, having learned that the meeting, which was held there in the forenoon, was adjourned to the North Meeting, and to begin at half-past three in the afternoon. It had been apprehended by some that the yearly meeting would be adjourned to some future period, that Friends could not be accommodated, &c.; this put me at a stand on my first setting out, and assisted, in some measure, my double intention; but when I got to the city I found this second motive would not admit of disquisition, and that I must not move on that ground.
I attended the meeting; it was concluded to continue it, a sufficient^presentation being had, though small from many quarters, The assemblage was solemn; but few young people attending, unless those who manifested a serious deportment. The first meeting concluded, I was invited to the house of John James, who was kind to me during my stay—and there appeared no lack of provisions, accommodation, or a hearty good wrelcome, but a generous and sincere kindness where-ever I went, or see in others—very little solicitude for engrossing business or custom—not much chit-chat or curious remarks, and at the close of the meeting most friends hurried home without carefully laying up their ordinary stores ; neither did there appear to prevail a disposition to censure their absent brethren, who, either through fear or otherwise, had omitted to attend as in times of general health and prosperity.
An occurrence took place worthy my most serious consideration, and which I hope will be remembered to profit by many if duly improved.
The day preceding the breaking up of the meeting, (having the night before learned that a negro man, who had formerly belonged to me, was in the jail for a certain misdemeanor,) I went to the wharf, intending, on my first setting off, which was some time before the meeting should gather, to see some of my relations, and finding the houses shut up, I proceeded on till I came to Chesnut-Street wharf; there I began to survey the river, shipping, people, &c., and my mind getting off its proper watch, which I had been measurably favored to keep to, I was musing and thinking respecting the war-ship that lay at Kensington—what a large vessel, counting the guns or port-holes, considering the height of her masts, and what a formidable defence she would be at the Capes, &c. In this unguarded state of reflection I found myself, and queried, should I now receive the fever, and in a few days be brought to the brink of the grave; having received the contagion from a place where 1 had no immediate business, how should I feel condemned at that awful moment; I therefore hastily quitted my place, and walking up the street, it occurred to me respecting the negro; I advanced on, and meeting with a friend, who had been a member of the Nicholite Meeting, Levin Wright, and apprehending it would be a novelty to him, we passed by the museum, and there in a cage I saw two eagles, male and^-male, apparently as quiet as lambs, and was proposing to enter the house, but my mind not being easy, I waived the intention, and we proceeded on to the jail. When we came there, I inquired for the person, and was informed he was there, asked permission to see him, which Was ^ted, and he directed him to be called; but requesting permis-sion to enter we were at first refused, but understanding we were from the country, the chief or governor of the prison granted us permission. It is likely I should have been contented with seeing the lad, if it had not have been for a desire of showing my friend the order of the house; and here I conceive it necessary for us diligently to attend to every motion of Divine admonition, how small soever it may at first appear, for we cannot tell to what it may lead. We entered their gloomy mansion —my mind was filled with contemplation and serious thoughtfulness
after seeing the lad, who was committed for a debt on bastardy he
had, with all, the foul disease, looked ashamed and condemned, for on his liberation I had particularly cautioned him in these particulars. We went from one apartment to another, the jailor kindly attending us, till we came to a young man who was under a decay, and sentenced to stay a long period; it appeared to me that although the penal laws were intended to obviate the sentence of death, in this particular case it was unlikely that the youth could stay in such a place and survive, it produced a serious and thoughtful turn of mind in him, and considering myself heretofore in a diseased condition, somewhat similar, and the solemn poetry of Dr. Dodd, who wrote on imprisonment, and who was finally executed, recurring to my recollection, my anxiety, I believe, appeared conspicuous to the jailor ; some few words were expressed to the young man in commiseration of his condition, and the jailor appearing to be a well disposed person, after conveying us through the several wards, as also where the women were kept—their haggard looks called to my recollection past life and occurrences. I truly sympathized with them, considering how many poor, innocent young creatures, who have been improperly educated—and especially such as are handsome, and without naturally vicious habits, often deluded, while the more opulent and less virtuous, leave them sacrificed to their own security. Let those who can read, judge what I mean !
On our coming away, the jailor insinuated a desire that Friends would hold a meeting in the prison, and having evidently felt his pressing desire, (a place for worship being provided for any religious denomination,) and where several opportunities had been before. The concern frequently reviving during the day, and ensuing night season, it was communicated to several, and particularly to an ancient, weighty minister, (Mary Berry,) who, considering it, felt easy to communicate the concern to several others; it was also opened to Warner Mifllin and wife, and Stephen Gerard, (a Frenchman,) who, conferring with severalothers, an opportunity was taken at the house of the Widow Emlen, to 'which place came, by invitation, Jarvis Johnston, a minister from Ireland, a tender, affectionate, and loving aged friend, who during sitting, expressed his concern at his first coming to the city, to have a meeting at that place, but that he had intended to have set off that afternoon, or the next day, for the Jerseys—was glad the occasion offered, and was free to go; accordingly notice was given, and in half an hour or some more, the prisoners were made ready and seated. This solemn, awful sight occasioned me, as I entered, to shed tears ; the benificence of an almighty power and gracious mediator, to make a way in such a wilderness—where there was apparently no way—to break these flinty rocks, and pour out pure living water—to preach the Gospel to the poor, and glad tidings to the forlorn prisoners. Of all the womera who seemed affected, there was a gray-headed person who wrept much and seemed greatly tendered.
Several testimonies were delivered, and particularly by Jarvis Johnston and M. Berry, and I believe the opportunity was had to profit— blessed be the name of the Lord.
The afternoon of the same day I proceeded on my way home on foot, and the walk was pleasant and agreeable. I continued, without company, till I passed the ferry, and there overtook a peison who was proceeding to Chester, and thought to have continued with him, but as I passed John Hunt’s, at Darby, 1 was stopped by some lower county friends, and continued with them till towards the evening; from thence proceeded to Jonah Bentings, went next day to Darby Meeting, and the day being rainy continued till the morning following; here a peculiar exercise took place, and as 1 yielded obedience, my mind was comforted, but becoming light and entering into familiar conversation, this covering appeared to be lost. As motion was made for a sitting, but not concluded on, I endeavored to return again to my resting place, after publicly acknowledging this digression, and still felt a pressure on my mind respecting the family, which, in the morning while we sat at breakfast, was taken away suddenly, and the grounds of uneasiness (which I had compared in my mind to a log on a mud-bank removed) floated off without labor or difficulty when the tide became full enough. I took my leave in cordial friendship, and proceeded on to take passage in the stage, but w hen I came to the tavern it had not arrived; 1 proceeded on walking moderately—the morning was clear and the firmament without clouds, the mind was so also, and I was glad I was detained, as I appre-hended there was a Divine hand sustaining and directing my progres-
sion.
I continued on till I came to Thomas Wilson’s, and there refreshed myself; it was a house like a brook by the way, the family kind without ostentation. At this house, some few months before, the worthy Philena Lay, the widow of Baptist Lay, resigned her breath, after having given up to visit some of the West India Islands in company with Mary Berry, but was prevented by death. The remembrance of her brought a serious recollection over my conduct in the prior part of life, and the impression her solemn deportment had on my youthful follies whenever she passed by. “ She being dead yet speaketh,” and her general conduct, I used to think, was the loudest preaching. She rested in hope, and her deeds doth follow her ; may her remembrance be dear to me, and may my last end be closed in a well-grounded innocent assurance as her’s was.
I proceeded on foot to Spurrier’s tavern, waited the coming of the stage, took passage and got to Brandywine, and walked in about the middle of the day. All my concerns were well enough conducted in my absence, my little child taken good care of by a kind neighbor ; the negro woman who adjusted my household affairs returned to her employ, and I continued a little attention to my avocation till about the 14th of the Tenth Month, and then went down into Kent County, having previously sent down my son, with an intention to deposite him there during the winter, and to discontinue housekeeping, and take board in some part of the town better adapted to business, (as the place of my residence is rather out of the way) ; but when I went down, it not appearing eligible, I altered my plan. I was there about twenty-two days, and visited several of my acquaintances, relations, and friends.
I frequently walked in order to make observation, and see those people whom, it is probable, I should have passed by had I been on horseback or in a carriage, but I nevertheless was transported both these ways occasionally, as distance and the exceptionableness of the roads prevented or rendered foot-travelling inconvenient.
I was in the habitations of many of the most opulent peoples houses in the places where I went along, and also in the most necessiteous, and very frequently in the houses of the black people—was treated with civility and kindness by most, and often enjoyed a sweet serenity of mind, more especially when on foot; and I often see the necessity and propriety of that mode of progression, and had a glimpse of many of theadvantages John Woolman and many other worthies had in keeping a tranquil and quiet temper; divested of horses and carriages, as, for instance, when their accommodation became inconvenient, food scarce and an affected pretention to take care of them, when in reality it was not done—the disturbance to the mind when they went ill, stumbled or started ; the carriage gave way, or the tackling, the company, it necessarily intruded on them, to the disquietude of the mind, &c. In these tours I thought I saw riches in poverty, and poverty in the midst of abundant wealth, not only what may be religiously so called, but the actual and real want of proper comforts and conveniences, and enjoyments of those things which surrounded them like the atmosphere in which we live. The countenances were sickly, and the falls of frost appeared to add to the sickness, for the air was not sufficiently cooled to prevent fermentation or putrefaction, which was produced by the mid-day sun, but tended to check the perspiration, and induce fevers from the exposure of the body, particularly in the morning and evening, for at this season of the year, or a little preceding, (11th mo.) the inhabitants are engaged in seeding, saving fodder, making cider, distilling it into brandy, and a variety of combined labors that exhausts the bodv, and to this add the labors of the mind, for about this season they are agitated with politics, and that occasions various exertions which the people of color are at present (a. d. 1797) exempt from, and happy for them did they but rightly consider it; for it is notoriously conspicuous the difference the store-keepers, officers of government, land-holders and others make between an industrious free black man and a white person (somewhat encumbered) of equal wealth. If the black person is involved, the arch designing white man is not uneasy in small demands, while he is in health—the jail will settle the difference, and if he cannot obtain a friend to pay the debt, his person secured is considered competent thereto ; the reverse with the white man when committed— he considers himself indifferent, and the creditor has little security or confidence in his manual labor, and when brought to this issue considers the debt lost, lhus deterred, the people of color are prompted to labor and as prospects of better times presents, the faculties of the mind are more expanded, the rising generation see new prospects, the aged if inured to hardships in their youths, their constitutions are stronger and better fitted to bear the vicissitudes of the climate, and the improvements they have learned under intelligent masters and mistresses with their little beginning, a broken bowl, pan, chair, table, &c., soon’com-pels a necessity for repairing them; and as their family increases, and they are obliged to negotiate their concerns, they unite with the different societies of good and bad examples, and their want of credit in the general prompts them into acts of vice or virtue as their neighbors are well or ill affected thereto.
And were these people quietly to settle down under their present conditions, I mean when free’d from bondage, without anxiety for any share of external government, save a passive obedience, and attend strictly to manual labor, and live quiet and peaceable lives, they would be a blessing to this land, and they would be conspicuously favored by Divine Providence as the Israelites were in their removal from Egypt; but if vice, vanity, and immorality, with idleness, debauchery, and dissipation, they will be a scourge among themselves, and a heavy one to the land. IIow important, then, the consideration, application, and inculcation of moral duties, to unloose the heavy burthens of mind as wrell as body, and to release and free them under both of these considerations; or, if the manacles are first struck off from the hands and feet to engage those parts in the exercise of good and not evil.
Great should be the exertion in all bodies, both civil and religious, in this important work. “ The harvest is great,” and laborers are much wanting—those also who think they have little to do in this business. “ Lord, is it 1 ?” was an inquiry formerly; and there are many who participate of the purse and property, when, if a little changed from black to white, cover their nakedness with a garment, who are not blood guiltless. When the gold and silver that is reprobate, which may pass pretty current in the pockets without suspicion of being counterfeit, is tried in the furnace, its qualities are found out, and that only which is pure endures the burning. “ Gold in the fire is tried, so righteous men in the sharp furnace of adversity.”
Among other perambulations I went down to a meeting of the people called Nicholites, in Caroline County, and State of Maryland, who had applied to the society of the people called Quakers, to receive them into membership. The appellation of Nicholites, or new Quakers, as they stiled themselves, originated from Joseph Nichols, the founder of that sect who, about twenty or thirty years ago, or somewhere about that period having applied to the Friends to be received among-them, he apprehending his religious concerns required him to preach the Gospel dispensation in a way somewhat similar to their mode and worship; but being rejected in consequence, it is said, of his too precipitant ministry,he branched out of his own accord, i. e., without human license, and manifesting a lively zeal, a great part of his time was taken up in combating the prevailing vices of the age, as sports, plays, pastimes, exceptionable public ministry, sometimes matters of government, &c., &c. On a particular occasion, it is said, he entered into a disputation with Charles Inglis (since Bishop of Nova Scotia) officiating minister of the churches in the neighboring places connected with Dover, and as their arguments was thought to produce warmth, particularly with respect of the curate, he inveighed against said Nichols and his sect, considering him a proper subject for bedlam, and recites some scurrilities, which he mentions in his treaties on infant baptism against Joseph Nichols, that had he seriously reflected on, would by no means apply to their principles ; but, however, some of the parsons hearers,* it is said, observing the temper of the clergyman, became dissenters, and afterwards leaned that way. Their principles were not then formed, the object .appeared to be in this zealous professor to reform his neighbors, for which purpose he went about from place to place preaching, and proclaiming or exclaiming against the current vices of the times. His voice was so raised sometimes as to be heard not much short of a mile when the wind favored it, at certain times and places. His employment was agricultural, and he had a small mill ; his neighbors assisted him therein as he required their aid, and as he lived in a forest or woodland country, the people innocent and but little informed, he collected a considerable number of adherents, and they began to form simple and innocent plans for their dress and deportment, correspondent with their circumstances and conditions. John VVoolman, in a visit among them, speaking of their innocence, observed , “ they need nursing fathers,” he appears to have been led in a manner somewhat similar. (See his Journal.) How Joseph Nichols closed his days I am not informed; it is said, after the death of his wife, he was so opposed to the emptiness of form, that he married in a very short time afterwards, more to show the futility of a formal period than misled by lustful or lucrative motives, with this covenant enjoined, that if it was not consistent, or, perhaps, corresponding with Gospel order, his lips would be closed as to the minis-try, which, it is said, was the case for some time afterwards. Durin" his greatest enthusiasm (for the term relates to true as well as false worship, and herein I do not pretend to fathom the depth of his divinity
* Families of the Masons.refering only to actions), it is said, the children spoke in public, ae though Divinely inspired; many women, and a considerable number of men became sober, orderly, honest, and remarkably industrious and punctual people ; and after this shower of words and jestations, which occasioned much speculation, criticism, they continued sober and exemplary ; many of this sect dispersed to the neighboring provinces, and some of the principal props went to North Carolina—of the mixed multitude, there were many back-sliders, and who did not endure the dispensation the more virtuous had adopted; but many of them having collected in the forest lands of Carline County, in the now State of Maryland, established several meeting-houses. And the body were better organized under the direction of James Harris, a sober, solid, and weighty person, of an innocent mind and examplary conduct and conversation, who has been the most particular sect leader ; but, nevertheless, there has been others who have had influence, among whom is Tilghman Chance, latterly rather a dissenter, who appears to incline to be a seperatist, and under the apprehension, I am inclined to believe, of tod great respect, and looking up to him, instead of the great master of the assembly; in the mass of the congregation, he, J. H., has lately (1797) proposed to his society to become connected with the old Friends or established Quakers, to be initiated with them, and to be subject to their rulies and discipline. This proposal met with the concurrence of the major part of the members, and a special meeting was appointed for this purpose, and a favorable report returned by the select committee, so that it is likely they, or the greatest part of them, will be received into membership.
Should the conjecture respecting James Harris’s promoting the junction on the grounds suggested, it demonstrates his humility; it will probably enlarge the ideas of these peoples minds, but whether it will benefit their morals, time must determine. The very plain and simple habits they had adopted, and in a good degree practised, together with their narrow and circumscribed circle, had a tendency to promote industry, Nvherby they were mostly amply supplied with all the absolute necessa* ries and conveniencies of life, were kind and hospitable; and as their diet consisted of the most nourishing food, very prolific of humble mind they endured sickness with Christain patience; but as they seemed deficient in discipline, and the younger class thought but little for themselves, as they see forms and fashions in other establishments, as business led them abroad, and as wealth increased; for, as was before observed, they hadhiOstly settled in a woodland country and was industrious ; as the value of the soil increased and the product thereof in greater demand, their supplies, which had been considered competent,now left a portion to spare; "with this they generally made better improvements to their farms, or added an additional supply of land, with a surplus from their yearly productions. There is some instances of considerable deviation in principles and practices, where, for want of discipline and social communication, individuals have formed improper connections, especially by marriage, *ifter the decease of husbands or wives ; for having little school learning, and being habituated to certain good and wholesome domestic rules and regulations without slaves, the children are early taught obedience, especially the females, who consider themselves bound to a very great degree °f obedience and submission to their husbands, and children, to both; and when any breach is made by outgoing in marriage, having little to do with coercion, example being most formidable and effectual, they ard W such cases greatly the sufferers ; for wolfs making leagufes with lambs can generally find occasion for quarreling, and if strong, determine by the laws of power, by which means these innocent people, like lambs, become a prey to such devourers, and are as way-marks for others to escape like dangers. I have been a little more particular in this narration, as I apprehended these people, if faithful, will be made instrumental to render considerable benefit to the Society of old Friends, as they are termed, by their examples of sobriety, temperance, chaste, and virtuous lives, conduct and converse.
About the 7th of the Eleventh Month I returned from Kent by the stage; we started before day from Dover, it was cold—we had a mixed company; some were rude and noisy, and behaved uncivil on the road; such conduct should be checked by judicial authority, for it becomes burthensome to quiet travelers, and is very hurtful to young and inconsiderate youth; these improper delays at taverns, and the treats the drivers obtain from passengers, which custom often induces them to make the horses overact, and sometimes occasions the passengers to receive damage by the carelessness and neglect of the drivers.
I got safe home, and found my concerns tolerably adjusted—attended to applications in the line of my profession as heretofore. While in Dover I was at the jail, it is in a very miserable filthy condition ; on reflecting on the conditions of the prisoners, and particularly my negro •ads, one of whom had been in the prison at New Castle, in his way up to me. I was induced during the period of court to go there, as wellalso to satisfy my mind whether the people, called Quakers, (sundry of whom were summoned on the jury) could, consistent with the non-resisting principles we professed, act in a public capacity > to observe the general conduct of the people at such times and places, and observe, as well as I might be favored to judge, of the equal and just dispensation of the law. I accordingly set off, and lodged the first night with my acquaintance, Dr, Bush, who would have me home with him, and next day I spent my time in the court-house, observed the proceeding—lodged at the tavern—had conversation with the people of different descriptions—saw the people in the jail, and next day returned home without being able fully to determine respecting the inquiry I was making in my mind. The judge, in his charge to the grand jury, recapitulated the many evils incident to the times, proposed his assistance in suppressing the evils ; the business appeared to be conducted with order and decorum, but, nevertheless, with that unnecessary delay so common to court proceedings, and uncertainty of law pleadings under prejudices, prepossessions, and superior oritorial diction. On my return, as I crossed the ferry, the people were preparing and collecting for a horse-race, which had been particularly excepted against; a juryman came over in the boat, and when he was told of the intention of the gathering, and was requested to speak to them on the occasion, replied he did not see them in the act, spurred his horse and rode on, thus do they like them who build with one hand and pull down with the other.
1 he inhabitants of the place have been healthy and very little business (in a physical line) to do I wait on such applicants as I am called to, and attend regularly to the meetings; and as we have two sittings on first days, I find that when I eat a full meal of meat, I become dull, heavy, listless, and have therefore declined the full gratification of my stomach in this respect. My time is generally employed after the following manner: I generally remain in bed till the sun rises, I then get up, by which time the hired woman who keeps my house makes a fire ; after having washed and combed, I retire with my youngest child, a short period of time in silent waiting. This has not been long adopted —I used to retire alone, but apprehending, that too quiet—and still the body is an important and necessary object for the due and proper exercise of the mind; this has seemed a duty required of me, and previous to my becoming a member among Friends, I was left in an anxious and uneasy state, when a similar duty was omitted, but felt easy and tranquil on the observance or attention thereto. After this I come downstairs, for this act is up in my bed-chamber, without fire in the room; I eat my breakfast, and such patients as I have, or the most urgent attended to, step in occasionally to the houses of my acquaintances, where I make but short stays, and coming home, repair to reading, writing, or some such employment, for I have now no horse, cow, dog, or any domestic animal, my family consisting only of my child and the negro woman before mentioned, excepting lately a young man, a member of the Nicholite establishment, who has come to this place to improve himself m school learning, and greatly approbating such an undertaking, have agreed to receive him into my family for a while.
After mental fatigue and hard study, I sometimes chop or saw wood, but as my hired woman has little to do, the principal part of all labor falls to her. I dine about 2 P. M., of frugal table, and sup a lit.le after dark; I have very little company, and therefore have great command °f time. I generally retire to bed at about nine at night, and sleep comfortable till about three in the morning, when I awake. 1 some imcs light a candle and read, lay and think or contemplate of time that is past, or reflect on the necessary provision for that w hich is to come.
My children, except the one I have with me, are placed out agieea-ble to my mind, my daughter especially, in a healthy country place, under the tutelage of a worthy family, much exempted from the vices of towns and cities, where economy and industry v ith its concomitant blessings plentifully abounds. Having stated my daily progressions, may I be permitted to compare the present with my situation while I resided below, and make a contrast of the two connecting circumstances. The general want of health, with regard to myself and the greater part of my family, arising from sundry sources, the low, damp situation, and consequent unfavorable atmosphere->-the incessent labor both of body and mind—the weak state of the children rendering them more susceptible of the impressions of the seasons, which, in the fall more especially, ^as generally productice of indemical fevers—the general anxious care and stimulus for improvement. While I was pressed by difficulties in attending meetings in my local situation, 1 was induced, on a serious review, to consider the present as to the necessaries of life as a paradicial state when compared with the former, an entire state of good health, a sufficient supply of money, what I so much wanted below, and could Dot obtain in quantity to answer my extensive demands, I now find quite adequate to my present necessities—I seem as a free man, can go Dod come at pleasure, associate with rich or poor, have little or muchcompany, walk, sit, recline, stand, or ride, accommodating myself to the season, let it be cold or warm, thankful to God for his blessings, and to man for his society, and in the poetic language of Churchill may say,
Thinkful I am that I from place to place this body bear,
Wander at large as free as open air.”
It is rather my intention to keep a monthly or periodical review of my condition, .and other concomitant circumstances, entering therefore on this business, the 10th of the Second Month, 1798, viz: 19th Third Month, 1798, from the period above mentioned to the present, have enjoyed tolerable health, have been at Concord quarterly meeting, where their was good counsel delivered to young and old. Friend Arthur Howell directing his discourse particularly to the youth, and Abel 1 homas, after sedate labor, at the conclusion was favored to unfold his mind to the aged.
I was also at London Grove or western quarterly meeting, (the first time,) it was considered as much disquieted by restlessness and frequent shifting of places during the several sittings—no public testimony from the womens side of the house, but during the youths meeting, the assembly was favored by the inbreaking of Divine light, communicated by that favored instrument, Jesse Kerses; a caution was dropped the preceding day by some in the ministerial line, respecting the great care (here is needed, lest human nature should be uplifted—it might have added weight to the occasion. Here, for the first time, among the people called Quakers, I see a youth of perhaps twelve or fourteen years of age, who appeared to be affected, and seemed to shed tears, as 1 frequently saw him use his handkerchief, during the public testimony of the aforesaid Friend. I could but make the remark, as I do not recollect of haying seen the like for a long period, if ever, in our society. The youth, generally speaking, not understanding fully the nature of silent worship, and too inattentive to public ministry, which is often delivered in a broken and incoherent manner, and by divided sentences, or by illiterate men oftentimes ; the more scholastic among us are as apt, perhaps more so, than other denominations, to criticize and make remarks on public ministers and their ministry, because they often touch on such subjects as is displeasing to their manners in dress and address.
A circumstance ripens in my memory, which though trifling, may not lie amiss to mention. It has been a practice for a long time for the elderly Quaker women, and especially such as fill the superior stationsin the church, to wear beaver hats ; when fur was plenty, perhaps it might have been the invention of some ingenious Friend of that calling to adopt this fashion in order to advance himself in life, or extend his avocation ; but from whatever cause it proceeded, it had the preceding effect, and it became a pretty certain badge of distinction and respect. Not many years since, a Friend or Friends from London, in a religious visit to America, wore small silk bonnets, which before would have been excepted against, but on examination were found actually to consist of less superfluity and expense; and as the mere habit cannot in itself add to, or diminish from (only as our minds incline thereto), the beaver hat is now less frequently worn, and many appear in the line of the ministry differently appareled.
Religious societies entertain very incoherent notions respecting each other, and as frequent changes are making in them, it would be less exceptionable, in my mind, than is generally admitted, to associate and familiarize with each other, especially as in government, trade, &c., we are necessitated to have intercourse together; but, nevertheless, certain limits and cautions are requisite where the morals may be contaminated, or disquisitions tend to strife from too great warmth in unguarded argumentation.
Returning from London Grove I saw several Indian girls, who have been sent from the Indian country to learn housewifery, and the manners and habits of our nation and people; they seemed to have a cunning, sagacious physiognomy, with that broad superficial duplicity in the native Indian aspect; one of them could read in their native language as well as the American, the other two could not, I believe; one, it is said, was a chief’s daughter, they did not seem so diffident, as dignified, in my ideas, at first view, when I compared them with the young women of the family with whom they resided; they were very well placed, yet I was told when they were required to do servile labor, they expressed a dislike thereto, and insinuated that that was not the object of their coming, so that the family were under the necessity of treating them with great care and circumspection.
Last evening I was with a friend, a member of our society, at the Methodist meeting-house. Some years ago I saw a publication complaining of the misconduct of some of the rude people of this place towards that society, calling on the civil authority to suppress such exceptionable conduct.
It has been frequently the case, that at the public meeting of this peo-pie, there has been great shoutings and acclamations during the period of their devotion; very different opinions are delivered respecting it, not only among other establishments, but among their own members, some approving, others disapproving thereof; this operation often occasions the interference of other denominations, and has been alledged as a digression on their part, and productive of public disquietude ; but when people voluntarily assemble, and mix with them either through curiosity, or with better motives, it changes the plea on the side of their opponents ; this happened to be the case during the prevalence of the fever in Philadelphia, A. D. 1797, when a considerable number of inhabitants fled to this place, (Wilmington,) and frequenting the meeting of that society of people, especially the women and children, who when greatly terrified, occasipned a disturbance. The preachers were charged with design, an affectation, and that they intentionally operated on the passions of the minds of the W'eak ; it produced some upstir among the congregation, during the time of their devotional service. The preacher was moderate and logical in his discourse, the black people were quiet and well behaved, and the children and youth also—as an attention to them was the occasion of our going there, we first having had leave of some of their denomination to be permitted to attend without conforming to the rules of their society, and without giving offence in so doing.
It would be unsuitable to make remarks on the discourse, as what might proceed from the teacher was not the object, for I had frequently heard the tenets and doctrines by them delivered, as remarked in the antecedent part of this production. But one observation seems requisite in arguing on the Divinity by the Trinity ; the preacher was fain to compare to the light of a candle, as possessing heat, light, and fire ; now the law required that “ no graven image was to be made, nor the likeness (of the the Deity, I presume,) of any thing thereof, in heaven above, nor in the earth beneath,” &c. &c.; it therefore appears exceptionable in my view to similarize any thing to identify the Deity, and that all hieroglyphics and such like fancies are better dispensed with; moreover, long and complex discourses, which may be suited to experienced Christians, learned, or wise people, are burthensome to children and the more illiterate, and though a portion thereof may be attempted to be dispensed to the different capacities, yet a more select opportunity for such, in my opinion, would have a more benign tendency.
The privilege generally assigned to the Clergy to consummate marriage, seems erronious, for, if it is established by the Deity, it needsnot such human assistance; it is in itself the consent of parties, and the sanctity belongs to the Divinity alone, and therefore they are not entitled to pay. Pope Benedict 14th considered marriages unlawful, unless celebrated before a pastor and two witnesses—if before a Protestant, only a civil act (therefore not Divine) in the sight of God and the Church; so that, under such opinions, the prescribed clergy being expelled, an unlawful concubinage would be considered as the effect, and under such divorcement, how excessive must be the consequences ?
Thus principles, civil or religious, wrongly established and continued in for a length of time, has a tendency to bring forth consequences highly detrimental to a nation. It is not improbable that the difficulties into ■which the French people have been involved, originated from the operation of their practices, or defects of their principles.
I have been of the opinion, then, that it is very material; the formation of the general maxims that are now adapted by the rising nation of American people of color, for they will be likely to act like the principles of attraction, and become more and more united throughout the Union generally; and whether under the hand of oppression, enlarged benevolence, or a mixture of both, that they will in future become formidable.
On the 24th, previous to my getting out of my bed, I felt a willingness to go to Philadelphia, it being the time of the spring meeting; and notwithstanding the day was very stormy, I took passage in the stage, having wrapped myself up in my oil cloth coat. The passengers complained of the inclemency of the weather, and particularly a women, the
wife of a Col. . I set front for awhile, to defend her from the
rain, and was as comfortable as if I had been in the dryest room, and by the most agreeable fire-side; the mind being stayed on the mercies of Providence, and considering how much more favorable our conditions Were to many poor sailors and soldiers, or even to the driver, who did not so much as complain at all, but was cheerful, while many of the passengers were shifting to avoid a few drops that came through the top of the carriage ; for a short interval the passengers seemed to be still, perhaps for ten or fifteen minutes. I considered it as a silent meeting, my mind was collected for that short space of time.
Some of the passengers reprobated the horrors of war, and repeated the warmth of some professors of Christiantiy, who seemed ostensibly to espouse the present measures of the executive government as having an inveteracy against the French nation. It is now a time of great siftingin politics, and parties run high, and much intrigue is used to draw in the Quakers to side with party.
I lodged with Miers Fisher the first night, went to meeting the next day at Pine-Street meeting-house, good counsel was imparted—invited myself to dine with Thomas Fisher on account of his eldest son, who bears the marks of prodigality. I observed a jesting disposition in him five or six years ago, and a ridiculing of the Methodist preaching at Milford,
while a boy, in company with his Uncle S- , a very precise, rigid
Quaker, and have concluded that he tended more to alienate this youth from the paths of Christian rectitude than he was aware of; for, no doubt, he opened the door to the method of accumulating wealth, showed him the large balances due the firm, and pointed out the ways for getting more; and, at the same time, would have wished him to be a Quaker in its greatest latitude, but it is expressed in Scripture that “ ye cannot serve two masters here lies the great difficulty of modern Quakerism. Opulent Quakerism, political Quakerism, fighting, aristo-cratical, or democratical, appears to be so contrasted as to make perpetual war against each other, so that such a house, divided against itself, cannot stand. Oh, Friends, let us be careful of divisions.
At night I lodged at Lydia Gilpin), the sister of the before mentioned brothers, the only remaining female of the old stock; a very conspicuous mark of friendship appeared towards me in a simple incident; observing a rent in my coat, she kindly proposed to mend it, observing the situation in which 1 stood, as bereft of my companion, who was a relative, and dear to this old woman; she accordingly repaired it in a neat and economical manner, pointed out the proper method to have the garments secured when first made, &c. The discourse was diversified but the present situation of foreign and domestic affairs was somewhat touched upon : here it may be noted that the Friends of Wilmington have, for some time past, generally been ranked in the political scale as favorable to Democracy, i. e., generally speaking; in Philadelphia otherwise, especially this family, for they were roughly handled in the American Revolution, some sent into exile for a short season, and one committed to prison. Reasons were assigned by both parties for this conduct, which would read very differently, as they might be exaggerated by the one or the other.
However, a latent interest appears to me to be the real cause of the dissention, so tar as it may be said to exist; as a proof, let the bank lately established in W be examined into, the trade resulting fromits credit interest, the independency of opulent Quakers, those no longer to be made tributary by the new openings in trade by foreign powers, the local situation of the places, &c.
At this period, however, as before noted, an insidious artifice appears to have been attempted to draw in the Quakers, and perhaps some have not needed a very violent effort, their own inclinations leading that Way, were induced to vote sometime past for a senator for Pennsylvania, to prevent another, considered inimical to the government, from getting in. Now comes forward a petition speaking peace, and complaining of war, &c., directly, but indirectly (by some though intended) to counteract the measures of government, and to divide the people. Much pains was taken by the party that favored the government to unravel the enigma, and some respectable characters who had signed it is said recanted; others put their names to the memorial, because men of known respectability had subscribed, so that they suffered their own judgments to be biased.
Thus it is that too many among us, professing to be led and guided hy the Spirit of Truth, for want of duly and truly attending thereto, are Jed into error, and although our creed teaches that this light will lead Us into all truth, we are sometimes so blinded by the God of this world, as to grasp the shadow for the substance. So it appears in the present instance, for one of the most noted characters having signed as aforesaid, was given as a reason for several others of respectability doing so likewise; who, as soon as they had reflected, were doubtful of the propriety of their conduct, and have since reversed the signing.
This conversation engrossing too much time, produced rather a light
and frothy turn of mind, (as an inhabitant of W-------------- I was ranked
with Wil people) and when I retired to bed, felt the pains which
often attends the want of a guarded conversation. My mind was in agony, but in the night I dreamed that a machine like a raft, with two sentry boxes annexed to it, was fixed at the two corners down the river; for the comfortable accommodation of the look-out men or soldiers—the tide ran up swiftly—the engine appeared to swing clear of Market-street wharf—men on board—to my ideas it seemed to be like a tender or guard costed. After some exertion, it veering about with the tide, there appeared to be people pulling a rope, w hich by this time they had got to the wharf, and they wanting help, I seemed disposed to lend my assistance; and on pulling the machine, it seemed to be metamorphosed into a seine or drag, and on hauling it on the wharf, it had a quantity ofwell-looking fish, when it appeared to be changed to a seine ; there seemed a quick and vigorous activity to be needed to accomplish the landing, as the tide run rapid and was like to waft it by.
Contemplating on my dream, I recollected that some time ago I thought I was in the city and veiwing the navigation of the river; there was placed a few tow-boats on the spit of Wind-mill Island beginning down town, and extending up above Markct-street at regular distances, which appeared on the enlargement of the sight to be as beacons on the shoals; they were not large, but had regular distances. On contemplating on the two occurrences, my mind was brought into a sweet frame of the mercies of Providence, and my eyes plentifully supplied with tears of joy, and the extacy dissipated the contrition w hich had before beset me, for empty and improper converse the preceding evening. Query, what are dreams ? defined by some as an intrusion of the fancy, without the proper intellectual faculties; but the dream of Joseph,* Pharaoh, &c,, must have had a Divine origin, and for wise and good purposes; and why may not the Almighty operate on our partial intellects without the diminution of his pow er, which he has assigned to the laws of matter, and which are all (when directed by him) good, and concordant with the first great cause.
An ancient female Friend, lately from England, it is said, in gratitude for Divine favor in a miraculous delivery from the dangers of the sea, kneeled down on the wharf (Market-street) on her landing, and made public prayer, to the no small admiration of the beholders. I did believe that the before mentioned dreams might be somewhat interpreted by some faithful laborers, here and there dispersed up and down in that city ; but whether I shall ever be made instrumental, in the smallest degree, in a work of this kind, or in any manner, time and the Master (I pray to be enabled to serve day and night) can alone determine.
In my peregrinations through the city, I was in company with several of my relations, not members of the Quaker Society; they were very kind and affectionate. I perceived plainly they respected the Quaker principles so far as they could understand them, by the manners of the professors. A relation, 1. G., an Episcopal clergyman, who was expelled his country during the American Revolution, because he could not subscribe to the oath, is since appointed chaplain to the King of Great Britain, and it was reported he was preparing a sermon for such
* See Matthew Second Chapter.an occasion—that his son had lately received orders. Many interesting remarks might be made respecting the emigration of this class of people from America, and the consequences since their dispersion into foreign lands.
At a relations, Dr. P. F. G h, two men of this description, one a
teacher of rhetoric and the belles lettres, and the other a leading ecclesiastic in the city, were there; and on the mother’s (i. e., the doctor’s wife, for her mother had deceased a few days before) observing she Would rather her children should dispense with music, dancing, drawing, &c.; the before mentioned clergyman remarked they were necessary accomplishments, yet he was himself a great admirer of music, &c. Some few broken hints were made that might have had some weight, for I could use freedom, as the clergyman, when a youth, was a class-mate of
mine about twenty-five years ago, and 1 had not seen him since to nriy knowledge, till the present occasion, and was pleased when 1 heard him called by name, for 1 had not a recollection of his person, neither had he of mine. During the fever (1797) he had preached a charity sermon, as it is called, at Germantown, for the relief of the distressed, and with others, is said to have raised four or five hundred dollars; the play-actors officiated in their way, also, for the benefit of the prisoners at Algiers, and raised a considerable sum. Thus the government is often seduced to countenance seminaries or institutions which ultimately have a very baneful tendency to a present exigency, which might be better arranged. It was observed to me that the clergy in France formerly had a considerable jurisdiction over theatrical exhibition, and that many of them were Atheistical—charity would rather change the epithet of their philosophical systems to Deism, for 1 cannot be of the opinion there are many rational minds, or that pretend to rely on reason that can be Atheistically inclined; the j>erson, however, who made the assertion was a clergyman, and professed to have a knowledge of circumstances.
I left the George Tavern, and took stage on the morning of the 20th, with an agreeable company (the atmosphere without the city being materially different from that within), and got home about the third hour in the afternoon—all well.
On the 30th I went to Concord on foot, ten miles, to see my children, not being able to procure a horse readily; I was more fatigued than I expected, as I went there some time ago without the least lassitude, hut though 1 walked very leisurely, my back ached, and my feet were sore1 found them in health ; my second son’s employment I see will be much more laborious than the eldest in his avocation, yet I do not lament, it will tend to keep the mind more humble—their dispositions are different—and as the body is fatigued with labor and toil, the opportunities which meetings afibrd will be more pleasant, and tribulations will work experience, experience hope, and hope will tend to cast out fear of offending w orldlings ; as it becomes more and more grounded on the immutable foundation which cannot be shaken, even in times of storm and tempest. May it please the Almighty to bless and prosper this youth in the most durable riches, and sanctify all necessary sufferings, to the praise and glory of Him who hath created him, and to the rejoi cing of an aged parent, if it be the will of our Heavenly Father.
On my return, 1 passed a small wooden building very much out of repair, fencing gone, &c., and saw several raged and very barely clad children by the road-side, of difiercnt sizes and sexes.
I passed the house, and recollecting, perhaps, a word from a stranger might have some influence on them, turned about, holding my little daughter by the hand went in. Observing I had taken the liberty to enter their doors, in consequence of the sight of the children without, who were playing mijmblepeg—a kind of diverson with a fork occasionally stuck in the ground, some of whom were fully able to plant corn, and do many parts of domestic business. I queried why the parents had not put them out to service, alleging the I had as well for example, as necessity placed my children from me, and adverted to the child who I had by the hand; the woman faulted her husband, and said if she could have them placed to good homes, she should be consentive. 1 endeavored to persuade her strongly, and on recapitulating the circumstance to my daughter’s tutress, she replied that the poorest woman in the neighborhood did the least business, which, as far as 1 have observed, often appears to be the case; at least the middle class excited and emulated to advance themselves, and having a clear prospect, exert themselves, w-hile the more necessitous, who, for want of the like stimulus, or ingenuity, or early information, become accustomed to habits of indolence, which grows on them—lest to a sense of shame, and depressed by despair of attaining any commendable station, they are contented to remain in circumstances the most distressing. How large a portion of this belongs to parents and heads of families ? how much to governments and societies instituted for laudable purposes ? and how much might be affected by a joint combination (under Providence) inameliorating the condition of our fellow creatures (now) at this time in America, which, in days to come, may be shut up, and prevented by various ways and means? how peculiarly assistant might the female sex be, under many religious denominations (heretofore) in Europe partly dormant, in facilitating so noble, so laudable a work ? Not only in this place, but at Philadelphia and elsewhere, I have noticed that the middling and superior classes of citizens and country people use more industry and actual hard settled labor tban the most indigent, and where the change is very sudden from riches to poverty, or the reverse, it generally has a like effect—in the relaxation of government—religious denominations, &c ; great care is necessary to avoid these pernicious extremes: for ns a full meal after great abstinence is often fatal, so power improperly and lasciviously used, is generally dangerous ; great care and caution is at this time requisite in these United States, and not only human, but Divine aid, requisite, in civil, as well as religious institutions, for the proper furtherance of them. Put here a deep and weighty consideration becomes necessary, to make a proper, and not a childish distinction, for many things long established as proper, will illy bear a strict and impartial scrutiny.
While I was at Concord, I had a slight sight of the work of Dr Ruthy, entitled, “Spiritual Diary and Soliloquies,” published A. D. 1776, in Dublin, Ireland. In this work the doctor, who is represented as a judicious physician, and entitled to diplomatic orders, is also considered as a natural historian and Christian character ; he appears to be very candid and honest, not only with respect to others, but with respect to himself, more freedom than his brethren seems to be willing to admit, for they give a better account of him than he does of himself; as a voucher, see the following remarks extracted from the aforesaid work, riz:
Second Month, 11/^ day, 1754.—Weak and fretful, lick spittle in two places, insolent in two others; 12th. Feasted with moderation ; 13th. A little impatient of contradiction ; 17th. This soliloquy—in this decline of life, the vessels collapse, less food and drink necessary, and as the time is short, less profusion requisite, and therefore less temptation to the desire of riches—indeed for what ? 21st. In feasting transcended the bounds of moderation; 22d. Likewise, do. ; 25th. Irritated by a slight occasion—feasted beyond the sacred medium; 28th. Feasted with moderation.
Third Month, Is/ day.—Angry previous to going to meeting—a bad preparation for it—overseer—oversee thyself—fasted ; 2d. The occasionof yesterday’s anger appears, in a great measure, to be a mistake ; 5th. At meeting my mind stayed, and God gave mildness to offenders ; 7th. A fit of anger from mistake ; 8th. The ground work of mineral waters is almost finished ; 9th. Visited the meeting at Timokoe.
N. B.—He was in the station of an elder, and frequently in pew of Church.
Ruthy continued in abstracts.—13th. Q. Where is thy sufferings with Christ, and where thy self-denial ?
A. I have labored considerably, but not suffered much; perhaps a little in the withholding of fees for telling the truth, but what then * this is only ridding of superfluous cash, an incentive to luxury ; loth. O for a more lively, more sensible fear of God—the Pope enslaves—the Carthe-nians are strict, so are we—but truly without the annointing Spirit—we are equally formal as they, &c.; 17th. A sudden irradiation concerning the liberty of the spirit and liberty of the flesh, which God so far favored, that it increased and was brought to light under that title; 26th. A computation scarcely within the holy bounds, as indeed unless one seclude himself resolutely, it is not easy to keep within them strictly. Servants are quick sighted in spying our faults—show them the light as well as dark side.
Fourth Month, 2d day.—Snappish ; 3d. Feasting limited; 5th. Feasted beyond bounds ; 10th. Morose—an ebbing tide with regard to fees : 11th. A visit to false brethren who pay tithes—but there are greater faults to be warred againts.
Remarks.—Thus did this man frequently recapitulate the transactions of the day with honest candor, and did not spare himself, knowing the corruption of the human heart, which is beyond the comprehension of human eye; he scanned its secret evolutions, and by commiting them to paper, had an opportunity of recollecting what would otherwise have been lost to himself, and hereby has secured a valuable treasure to posterity if duly attended to.
1798, 4th Month, 2d Day.—For some days past the wind has been from S. to S. W., attended with a smoking which, as it advances north and assimulatcs with the colder air, generally produces a perturbation in the elements productive of storms. A little antecedent to this a stagnation often ensues by the column of clouds repelled, producing at this season a condensation ; for the north and northeast winds generally prevails. During this interval, the animal spirits are often depressed, especially in such habits as are previously diseased, or accustomed to re-flection, mathematical, metaphysical, or other obstruse sciences, or any intense thought. As I suffered some fatigue in walking the two preceding days, and was yesterday more than ordinarily exercised with what I apprehended a Laodician disposition in many of the members of our Society, as well as an undue proportion of the love of the perishable things of this world, together with a superstitious disdain of the poor and cringing toward the rich; a disrespect towards myself for that which is least exceptionable, zeal, while I pine under the languor of my brethren and associates, who sing with the syren voice, inclining to still sleep, and lull the aged, the middle aged, and infants to a fatal repose.
Proceeding from the before mentioned causes, my spirits were unusu-ally depressed, I lost much rest during the night, and lay long in the morning; the wreather was stormy, atmosphere clouded, and regular fall °f rain, proceeding from the vapor of melted snow driven back by the opposite current.
Thus it is that the stimulating gums, wines, &c., become useful, for the perspirable matter being suppressed, a want of activity in the animal spirits, which is promoted by a quickened circulation ; a deficiency °f the more active powers of the mind, often afflict that class of man-hind who do not use regular and moderate labor, while on the other hand, such as do, are pretty much exempted from such complaints.
A glass of spirituous liquor, by its activity on the nerves of the stomach, rouses the laborer, while its inebriating effects, for the want of suitable religious or moral impressions, leaves him in a condition almost approximated to the full fed brute, while the sentimentalist, impressed with moral duties, repines under the recollection of mispent time, and the want of due exercise of body continues to aggravate his calamities, till they finally become as imaginary as real.
The Latin phrase, “ Mens sana in corpore sano,” i. e., health of mind and body, are necessary to establish a proper standard, for their is such an intimate connection, that a true state of health cannot exist without a union of the two powers, and under proper restrictions they serve to regulate each other ; but when they rebel or produce a seism, the intervention of a third power, law, is wisely annexed for the better government of this species of outlawry; for when the mind becomes distracted, bedlam is a suitable repository, and when the bodily organs are disabled and unassisted by prosperity, the subject is fitted for the hospi-tal, so that those who are blessed with these peculiar privileges are necessarily induced to make provision for themselves or others, as future contingencies may require.Third of the week and 3d of the month.—The wind has been from the northeast for two or three days past, chiefly, and yet continues, but the clouds seems more broken; I apprehend, from the elevation of my spirits, that there will be a shift of wind and clear sky soon; no material change of circumstances to produce such an effect on the mind, but merely incidental to change of weather—the thermometer is now about forty-five, and the first of the month was as high as sixty-seven.
4th.—My conjectures respecting the weather erroneous, for it is still clouded, raining, and tempestuous, wind northeast. A conversation was introduced respecting religious duty, by an ancient Friend, who, in allusion to a storm, observed it was necessary to be still and quiet. I suggested that I apprehended, on such occasions, it would become a prudent mariner, if he had a foresight thereof, to furl his sails, strike his masts, clear his deck, &c., and as the violence of the gale increased put in the dead lights, have ready the axe in case it was expedient to fell the masts, &c., and that the utmost exertion was needed, and that without delay, and after having used all necessary prudent care, to leave the event to Providence, that without this timely exertion, there would be deficiency of duty ; and that, in a spiritual sense as well as natural, there was certain modes and means necessary to be used.
It has long been held as a fundamental tenet, stillness, “ stand still,” “ still small voice,” and other passages of sacred record to impress and implant on the mind of man the great propriety of silent worship, and be sure, when the mind is duly informed, no words can equal the Divine illumination and ejaculations of silent, solemn adoration, but the Almighty has given to man certain senses, by which also are implanted in us by his own Divine administration, organs whereby the creature has perception of the Divine attributes, and by these laws, ordained of the Creator of the universe, a clear sense of duty, without an exclusion of his more secret and invisible communications directly to the individual mind.
How and when to do good acts require to be properly timed; the first is general, the second particular. “ He who maketh haste to be rich shall hardly be innocent.”
1798, 5th Month, 4lh Day.—During the preceding month I was called to visit my daughter, who appeared to be dangerously ill, at Concord ; her disorder an affection of the lungs; after one day and two nights tarrying with her, she seemed to be in a favorable way for recovery ; her indisposition had been for four or five days provious to notice, but as hersymptoms became more alarming, her tutress was uneasy, and gave me notice. The little dear creature seemed not willing for me to be sent for, apprehending I imagined that she would be bled, which was the case in a previous illness, and which was performed, I believe, with good effect. During my apprenticeship I observed some children with evident maiks of violent inflammation of the lungs and pleura, who were dissected, that appeared to have died of these complaints; and in a case of frequent Iseition, in my eldest son, when very young, great relief 'was found. It is my judgment that such complaints are oftener to be met with in children, than is generally apprehended by physicians, and is attributed to other wrong causes, proven by dissection after death, which, however, (reprobated by too great delicacy) ought to be more frequent; it would evidently prove useful to survivors, and in no wise detrimental to tho dead, and need not be indelicately managed. I am told a worthy public Friend, from an Lastern State, has lost several of his male children at certain ages, from eleven to fourteen, who gradually decline, and finally die, while the females arc healthy and free from such complaints; in such instances dissection, by tracing the cause of diseases, might point out the remedy. But again, as Providence is inscrutable in his ways, should the too great fondness of parental affection or ambition of continuing a family name—buoyed by pride and self-exultation, desire to establish itself on this earthy basis, be thus wdsely prevented, and by weaning the affections from its most darling delights, fix the mind on heavenly things. The earth is the Lord’s, and the fullness thereof, together w ith all its inhabitants, and he can order them and it as he pleases.
Some remarks have been made respecting my anxiety of mind with regard to the state of our church and people. The subject of the unnecessary use of distilled and other liquors, and the trade and traffic therein coming under my care, with some other member of our meeting, toy mind has been desultorily led into difficult reflections; and as they have arisen in my mind, been inscribed on a slate for the better retention of the memory, that at some future day, such cogitations may bo the subject of a dissertation by some, yet may prove useful for dispersion. I have thought it not amiss sometimes to transcribe them. They were as follow's:
1st. A dissertation on spirituous liquors, or the most effectual way to efface the principles of Quakerism.
2d. The grand axis on which the world t.:ms (metaphysically) is riches and honor.3d. What is the distinction between reality and imagination ?
4th. The great ajjcana of money-making, and the various artifices and intrigues of the highest and lowest-orders of men to effect it.
5th. A comparative view of the three learned sciences, Law, Physic, and Divinity, with respect to their beneficial effects on mankind in general.
Explanation of
“ I have fought the good fight,”
“ I have fought with beasts at Ephesus.”
Note.—The first, the happy effects of an honest discharge of duty; the second, the wrestling for the truth with high professors: Ephesus implying a learned school education.
On the 29th of the last month, Joshua Evans, a ministering public Friend, appeared in testimony in our meeting at Wilmington, in a reproving, plain, and pointed manner, respecting the state of society. He has been singularly led ; he wears white clothing chiefly, a long beard, lives on vegetable food, without salt, avoiding also imported articles ; and I think he asserted in the presence of Caleb Seal and William Cam-by, in conversation with me, that he thought no more of bank-bills than the leaves of an almanac; by which I implied he did not approve of the proceedings of such Friends as were concerned therein.
This discourse was opened with adverting to the case of a disordered house, compared to the old woman with her maids, who did not know what to begin with first, that there was too much talk about religion, but a deficiency in the practical part thereof.
“ Watch and pray, least ye enter into temptation, the spirit is willing but the flesh is weak this caution seems well adapted to the present critical period, (see page 69) and to my situation and condition ; for there is little business in the practice of physic in this place, and an endeavor to be plain and open with many, and to place the practice in the most commendable point, without a low cunning, where a generous reward is required for services, does not please the people; and to use artifices and juggling, tricks and contrivances, or that ostentatious mode of management that seduces the weak and ignorant, would seem exceptionable to my mind; and as Providence has placed me in such circumstances, as to be able to receive both daily food, raiment, and that of such kind as is sufficiently comfortable, I have no cause to murmur; but sometimes the unsettled will, so natural to man, becomes more anxious than it ought to be, and there seems a desire to be a doing something,which, if not duly considered and rightly directed, might lead into error, and bring sorrow and dismay; therefore it is my earnest desire that I may be so far favored by best wisdom, which is alone able to direct, as to see the way that is expedient for me to go in, and thereby be enabled to pursue that which is lawful and right to the ultimate end of my days.
8th day of the 5th month.—Monthly Review.^-An opportunity nowr offered by wrater to go into Kent County, where I had been desirous of visiting for some time past, on account of the adjustment of some of my outstanding accounts, and as well to see my old acquaintances, friends, end relations, as for religious improvement. I took passage with Skidmore Wilson on the evening of the 8th, with my little son Thomas, in order to improve him in the manners and practices of mankind, as \\ ell as have him taught at school. Herein, I apprehend, parents are oltcn deficient, relying too much on books. Some short time previous to my departure, I hinted to my friend, J. D., that I wished to have half an hour’s private conversation with him, that I was going to Kent; he being very busily engaged in his affairs, and plagued in policy, hastily replied, that ten minutes were sufficient to determine on most of the important concerns of life, and inquired why I exacted so much time of him, that he was too busy to attend to my requisition ; I therefore took leave of him without this consultation. The passage was pleasant and agreeable we got down next morning; the water was smooth, the salt air
very invigorating to me, I ate of oysters, and a little after sunrise we went on shore, and traveled through the marsh, which was unusually pleasant, wind at W. N. W., to Garret Sipples, and as it was meeting-day, sloped there; saw many of my old friends and acquaintances, dined at S. W’s., aud was conveyed by him to Dover. It was a time appointed for sounding the sentiments of the populace, respecting the policy of America at this critical period, and to report respecting the President’s proclamation, as also the time appointed for the Medical Association of the Delaware Physicians. 1 had long since resigned my seat as censor to the president, with reasons therefor, and did not consider myself as a fellow; but as they were assembled, and I got down, which I had no expectation of the day before, 1 was willing to inform myself w hat they were about, for I had grounded my opinion that this institution had for its basis, policy as well as medical improvement; and that, like the followers in the early part of the Christian dispensation, that when the “ Loaves and fishes” were removed, this spur of medical enterprise would cease. I found these two grand eras coming together, and, of
course, a plausible excuse for a convocation of difficult parties, and for various purposes. Moreover, the time was drawing nigh, when the politicians must begin to moisten the clay to make the man called the president; for it is to be remembered that the pro tempore, one is an annual substitute for that station, which ceased with the death of the person who was regularly elected, and there is much ado and great manceu-vrings, nicely to bring about the proper person. I went to the courthouse, saw their tricks, heard their discourse, and afterwards went about my business, and returned that evening to Camden—lodged with Dr. Barrett, who was formerly my student, but now major in the militia, and one appointed to address the president. Very warm in policy, but growing cool in religious exercises, wre cannot faithfully serve two opposite masters, Christ and belial. Next day was the time set apart for a fast by the President of the United States, for the purpose of supplicating the Creator of the Universe, for his interposition in this time of apparent difficulty, when the powers of Europe seems so excessively convulsed, and for his Divine benediction. A company of militia was designated to attend the worship-house in military array; the aforesaid Dr. B., and J. V., captain of the company, attended in uniform, and after the service marched before the tavern door, where I was standing, and then dispersed; many of the company came in—the doctor and my friend V., in a room where I had withdrawn to, and was sitting in silent meditation, reflecting on the horrors of war, its devastations, &c.; when these two men came in, I had not power to speak to them, but, hanging my head, the tears dropped plentifully down my cheeks in pure love towards them. Having myself seen the differences between a summer and winter campaign, and experienced a little, and saw much more, of the distressed situation of a soldier’s life in actual operation, than in mere mimicry and speculation ; my very soul breathed for these people, that they might be preserved in the day of trial, for I considered them as sheep led to the slaughter; and not fully understanding for whom they were preparing to fight, nor why my ideas inclining me to believe the present military preparations that were making, may be applied to very different purposes from present prospects and appearances.
I dined at the table with the common soldiers, who were quiet, (generally) sober, and well behaved. I observed, as I was preparing to depart, a number of negroes who were led by curiosity to see the military parade—a bad precident, in my opinion, for these people—for after having gratified their curiosity they generally get into some excess, inclineto idleness, ease, and effeminacy, till filled with liquor, they become as furious as madmen, and if not made a blessing, will be, I believe, a curse ; and on whom shall we, the whites, lay the blame ? how have We discharged our duty towards God and them ? what examples or precepts given, charities afforded, and Gospel labor bestowed, while time and opportunity is afforded? “how much owest those, my Lord,” respecting the steward, and how much are we in arrears to this people, for the labors of their predecessors—and shall not the Judge of all the earth do right ?
I went from Dover to Garret Sipple’s, being furnished with a horse by my friend, Jacob Farby j during my continuance there the atmosphere was mostly humid in the morning, the plantation lying in view of the Delaware Bay, but as the sun rises and heats the sandy beach, it attracts the vapor from the sea and bay, which occasions the east wind so frequently to blow from that quarter, and then it is pleasant.
I went from G. S’s. to Choptank with------------,	and was at a small
meeting there ; the members are few, and the power of truth seems to lie very low. A woman, blind from about seven years of age, attended, who was led along and seemed to have a pretty good comprehension of the road, &c., could spin, and do many parts of domestic business. I lodged in a little log building, and the day following went to see the daughter of G. S., who had not long since married contrary to the order of our religious society; she seemed very little acquainted with the discipline or rules of our order. Returning through the forest of Moth-erkill, I found the air oppressive and disagreeable to breathe—they were firing dead timber, and clearing swampy grounds. Several occurrences happened to investigate the nature of epidemics, &c.—we proceeded to Warner Mifflin’s, and round in a circuitous way by (Phebe) thedaught er of T. Nock, formerly one of the most promising young women belonging to Motherkill meeting some years ago, who had gone out from among Friends in her marriage, greatly to the dissatisfaction of her father and friends generally; she appeared humble and contrite, was glad to see us; she had been disposed to condemn her outgoing in marriage, and was desirous of making Friends satisfaction. It occurs to me that society should be careful how they demand an improper offering, least they should exact or claim that which alone belongeth to the Most High; for while selfish minds get up and require their humors and inclinations pleased, and it may be, themselves flattered, to admit again into society a brother or sister who has committed a breach of the goodand wholesome order of society. Such may take the affront to themselves, and require the atonement to be made to them, their passions and properties, rather than to their Lord and Master, whose stewards alone they ought to be, and that it is not their rules, but his laws w hich they have violated.
19th.—We returned to G. S’s., from thence to Camden, and passed dowm the country with my little son, and a child of near the same age and size, of W. Mifflin’s—passed several companies of soldiers, for there W'as a field muster. The operations of military manoeuvres and dress, &c., on the infant mind—how captivating—a number of women assembled on this occasion—curiosity is very great. My mind w-as too much taken up with their appearances—airy, and not enough on the watch-tower—prosperity is a great hindrance oftentimes, and an impediment in the way towards truth and righteousness.
20th.—Went to a neighbor’s from G. S’s., whose name was T. D.; a peculiar comfortable emotion attending my mind on opening a passage in the New Testament, “ He went unto his own, and his own received him not, but as many as received him, to them gave he power to become the sons of God.”—Matthew 8th Chapter.	,
During my continuance here and hereaways, I was often disposed td walk on foot, the peregrinations were pleasant, and often I received celestial delights, and participated of that true bread which cometh down from heaven. On my departure from Wilmington, I was querying in my mind what book I should take down with me to read occasionally, and my mind being specially turned to the sacred writings, my friend, Dr. Monroe, presented me with a small pocket Bible, which I found often very useful, for I rarely turned to any passage but what 1 found something peculiarly instructive, more so than formerly; and in the night season my mind is often contemplating on these sacred mysteries, which are often interpreted after a manner that I had no knowledge of formerly.
22d.—Was at Motherkill meeting—deeply exercised—but after meeting found some relief by speaking to sundry friends.
23d.—Went to the poor-house to see a distant relation; it is an unsuitable place, (the house) and wants many conveniences, in the hot weather especially; it is said to be very fatal to children.
24th.—Was at Little Creek meeting—during the sitting these scriptural passages occurred, “ We have toiled all night and caught nothing,” “ Dead flies causeth the ointment of the apothecary to stink”—u No manlighteth a candle and putteth it under a bed (indolence) or a bushel,” i. e., treasures of the earth, for so these passages seemed to be explained.
It had hitherto been very dry in these parts, but now there has been some plentiful rains, very desirable to farmers, the richest of whom are concluding they are growing poor—dull markets, high taxes, difficult times to pay money, while grain is so low in price, but it would be much harder for some of them (rich farmers) to pay debts it they had no grain, stock, &c., to dispose of, or procured but a scanty pittance from daily (hard) labor; they are forgetful of the heavy labors, sweat, and excessive toil, so long experienced by the oppressed Africans in the service of their predecessors; yea, many of them, who have metamorphosed their properties, and made such changes as seems noAv to exonerate them from any imputations of this kind of guilt.
I find inscribed on my notes while in Kent, and at the house of a relation, who seemed to live in splendor. I his family seems to have all things needful for the body—I covet not such a situation may all things that tend to destroy true and lasting peace of mind, be wisely 'withheld from me by Him who knows what to give, and what to take away. There are several families (in Little Creek) in a situation somewhat similar, for the land is rich and very fertile, and industry and care soon generates wealth, which, like the natural warmth of the body, is necessary to health and comfort j but when excited to too great a degree becomes feverish, and sometimes fatal, so does unguarded wealth generate prodigality or miserly penury.
25th.—Lodged at Thomas Nocks, from thence proceeded to S. W., and from there to G. S.—was at Motherkill meeting—my mind unsavory —from certain perplexing circumstancesl blamed others, and mysehf too —but these things are necessary—time will prove them to be so. W c must not be at ease in Zion—“ Woe to such.”
26th.—The preceding circumstances prevented comfortable sleep in the morning I awoke early—it rained—I walked in the field the storm increased (I had an oil cloth coat), and notwithstanding the rain and wind, my mind became more solemn, and seriously began to cover it; while this cogitation ensued, that it was such foundations only as were builded on a rock and dug deep that could endure in times of tempest, I was desirous of more patience to hold out under difficulties. I have experienced benefit thereby in days past Why should I be exempted from trial ? may I be strengthened to endure.
28th. Was at Little Creek Quarterly Meeting—it rained heavily aswe went there (I was in company with G. S.), and during the sitting of the meeting for business as well as worship, I was excessive dull, heavy, and stupid; full of anxiety, I had frequently to shift my body in various attitudes, and twice to go out of the meeting to keep myself from fulling a sleep, and earnestly desired to be delivered from the burthen of “ this death the meeting afforded little or no comfort. From meeting I went to Manlove Emerson’s, who lives in state also; tho family was kind, which I sincerely acknowledged, while I was at his house. I had a sensation that this day’s meeting would be different to me if I was faithful, and it proved as comfortable and refreshing as yesterday’s was afflicting and distressing.
30th.—Yesterday I was at a stand, meeting being ended, I could see no way to go forward ; I desire to be rightly directed. I went to Joseph Alford’s and dined, returned to G. S’s., went to S. W’s. in the evening and lodged. In the morning returned with him, expecting to take passage by water, and parted with the family with such an intention ; but on my way to Camden, having my son with me, I thought as it was stage day in the morning, I could go quicker and avoid the inconveniences of a water carriage, so I determined to proceed on, and calling at Camden, was conveyed to Dover, and in the morning, 31st, proceeded by stage. We left Dover about four in the morning, with an agreeable company; while at Richard Cooper’s, near Dover, this scriptural passage occurred, “ If any man draw back, my soul shall have no pleasure in him”—a woman was thrown from a carriage, and Dr. B. was called to her assistance.
31st.—Breakfasted at Duck Creek Cross Roads—there came in two people of color, and some time after a white man, who had drank too freely of liquor; the horses being changed, they refused to draw at St. George’s; and the load was too heavy. Some of these people were rude and uncivil; the negro driver unmerciful to his horses; one of the number being broke down or disordered, was very unfit to travel, so that I walked several miles. At tho Red Lion this scriptural passage opened to view, “ Let your moderations appear unto all men, the day of the Lord is at hand j” I transcribed the elucidation. As I halted, being on foot, and in conversation a little before, talking with Dr. Miller on the subject of liberty and equality, and also the vices of the age, he observed, that it was his opinion that one-half of the vices of mankind was ’’wing to the excess of strong drink. I recorded it on my memorandum paper as worthy the contemplation of us Quakers, now engaged in theimportant business of investigating these excesses, and improper sale of spirituous liquors, among the members of our Society. One of the horses fell at New Castle, and he was changed for another, and we got to Wilmington about three P. M.—all things in pretty good order. As soon as it was known I had come up, there was some applications, though the people are generally in health, and my friends were glad to see me.
The evening after my arrival I called on my friend, John Dickinson, Esq., with my little son, who received me with friendship, and next day invited me to dine with him. I went with my son—a Frenchman Was there—he was polite, the family kind ; two days after I received a message to dine again with my daughter, who had returned from Concord ; there were several particular friends and relations from Philadelphia, very civil and kind ; we had full discourse on the analysis of time, and a private interview and good counsel was imparted me. I there discovered the effects of the fume of spirituous liquors, as there Were several kinds of wine, the vapor of which tended to excite pain in toy head. I have perceived the same effects since from distilled liquors ; great caution and care is needed, that I do not take too much into the stomach, if its effluvia operates after this manner. On my first invitation, I had put on my best clothing (purposely), to see what effect it would have on some curious and inquisitive minds who had talked freely respecting me ; believing that there are many apparently well-disposed persons, members of our Society, as well as others, that would carry themselves very differently towards me under affluence, to what they would in a state of indigence; such I should like to discern now at this time, that, should either of these extremes take place, I should he the better able to discriminate. My mind seems pretty easy and tranquil. I am desirous to live in peace with all mankind, and in obedience to the requirings of duty towards my God; hoping and praying He will be pleased to direct all my ways, to afford strength when I am Weak, and when I “ think I stand, safely to guard me that I do not fall.”
As the prospect in leaving my plantation and coming here seemed pleasant, two years ago, so now the most agreeable prospect to me at this time, is in a retired place, indifferent habitation, sickly country, small society, &c., and in a part which reason and inclination some time ago would have recoiled at; but if duty demonstrates it to be right, may I be conformable thereto, come life or death, pleasure or pain.
18th.—Generally healthy—no prevailing epidemic. Yesterday be-ing the first of the week, I had some days past proposed to go to Concord, to return my daughter who has been about a week past with me, and who I have (the only daughter) put under the care of a valuable country woman, as heretofore noted. During her continuance with me I endeavored to investigate the natural propensities of her mind, and like the tender ossir bend it as it may grow, so far as by human means I may be enabled, but find parents are often insiduously led into error by excessive indulgence, and the wrant of being properly on their guard. A friendly combination and frequent religious associations, of frank, honest freedom, mixed with true love and charity, would be very helpful to society at this time of increasing pride and vanity. “ The hands of Aaron and Hurr” are often wanting in such times of conflicts ; yea, a few days past I had like to have committed a capital error in this wise. Her tutress had requested she might have a pair of green morocco shoes, or some such sort of finer leather than was provided for her—I had delayed looking out till the evening, and none such being handily to be come at, I tried on some red ones, and wras just going to pay for them, saying within myself they are like her associates, when, on a more serious reflection and reconsideration, I concluded it would be laying a foundation for more extensive pride, vanity, and superfluity, which I have for some time been endeavoring in myself and family, in some measure, to curtail, and therefore quietly put them by and went away without purchasing them. My two sons and some other of Friends’ children, instead of going to meeting, made excuses and rambled off—there is not caution enough in myself in this wise, and it is very obvious in others ; but according to the received maxim, “ physician heal thyself,” it is necessary to take the portion, prove its property and healing efficacy, before it is positively recommended to others. I returned from Concord, and expect to proceed to-morrow to Kent. May it please the Almighty to prosper my way, and preserve me from evil, and enable me to do that which is right and well pleasing in his holy sight. Amen !
7th month, 19th.—I proceeded as before, determined in order to the more effectually to confirm my negotiation in a matrimonial conversation which had been somewhat talked of, and in a good degree concluded on, with L. B. the widow of John Boone, and w ho is the daughter of Garret Sipple; this negotiation had been entered on some short time past, and as it was unexpected to the parent, he did not seem freely to give into it. On my arrival, I, in a friendly manner, accosted him, having walked to the house from the main country road, about two miles from hishabitation, and coming in wet, thought it the harder he should receive me with evident signs of coolness.* I however took hut little notice of the slight, and used a modest freedom, was kindly and welcomely received, I believe, by this valuable woman, and spent part of several days at intervals, and finding time to hang heavy, except in her company, concluded to take a ride to a monthly meeting of the IS ew b riends, formerly denominated Nicholites, in Carline County, and was conducted thither by my friend Prieston Goodwin—it was a time of heaviness to most—a great concourse of loose people assembling, principally for the purpose of hearing, seeing, and perhaps being seen. \N e lodged at -James Harris’ (it is harvest), and things conducted with that order and quietude that is very pleasing to those who delight in honest simplicity, and great examples are these people in these respects; we returned by the way of Denton, the principal town of Carline County—excessive hot this day, the Thermometer was 95 or 96, t. e., 2d and 3d of the month, and the day following, nearly the same; we returned 2d day of the week to our friend P. G., and I lodged at I. Rowland’s. Previous to my going down, I wrote to my intended companion a letter which seemed to arise from a peculiar impression of my mind; and, among other things, recommended to her that Scriptural caution to “ Watch,” such necessity I found, and she will, no doubt, ever remember the memorable period. Next day being the week day meeting, Ann Mifflin was moved in a doctrinal way to recommend the same necessary caution to the assembly. A more solemn and confirming engagement taking place between us, we rehearsed somewhat of our intentions to her parent, who heard us without reply. I finding my tarrying longer unnecessary, proceeded to my habitation, in order to obtain a certificate of removal from the Meeting (Wilmington) of which I was a member, and accord-mgly proceeded on 2d day following, and got up between the hours of one and two P. M.; hut, as I was stepping from the stage at the ferry, I sprained my ankle, and having some business to do in the afternoon, ■Walked so as to occasion a considerable inflammation of the integuments, which produced exquisite pain, and during the night, as I lay in bed, experienced the beneficial effects of pain, for my mind was before light and airy, being accosted by many of my acquaintance with the acceptation of my intended negotiation, and also a pretty general welcome of my neighbors and associates. Men are not enough thankful for the mercies of God, mingled with stripes, hut anxiously covet what
* Sec my letter dated Sixth Month, 1798.they call pleasure, ease, and tranquillity, and do not sufficiently appreciate sufferings, to make them sensible of an humble condition. The day following I was easy, and by avoiding much motion, freed from pains. I attended to what little practice offered, and on the 11th inst. (it being our monthly meeting) applied for a certificate for myself only, w hich was left to the investigation of two friends, Z. J. and J. Y.
After taking this step and putting my affairs in the best order I could, I proceeded to Kent, about the 9th inst.; on our passage dowrn the stage was overset, two of the passengers received some damage, I escaped, being seated on the front alongside of the driver; spent one day at Duck Creek Cross Roads, it rained hard, and the day following proceeded to Dover, and next morning went dowrn to G. S., and saluted him in this manner: notwithstanding thee would not call to see me, while at Wilmington, I have, nevertheless, visited thee, or w'ords to that effect; he only said sit dow n; they being at breakfast, I did so, and partook with him ; my son I left to be in the care of S. Wilson. G. Sipple’s general deportment was rather distant, and in a few days proposing to go to Choptank, observed that, I had the promise of a horse and carriage, but, nevertheless, least he should make exception, I was disposed to ride in his, if he thought best, and on that his daughter proposed accepting of it; but he said he was about to have it repaired, and could not spare it, so w e proceeded in the one already provided, and having got near to Choptank, at P. Hardeastle’s, found him sick, staid the night, and w'ent next day to Choptank meeting, the day following to Easton, stayed one night and returned to Choptank—the weather excessive hot. I frequently bathed my hands and face in cool water from the brooks by the way, and also had the horses wet occasionally, which enabled us to travel with convenience through the heat of the day ; we tarried that night at T. Hard-castle’s, and next day, previous to the sun’s rising, proceeded on and got to G. S. I attended Motherkill meeting, Lydia not. The meeting at Choptank, though very small, wras not so oppressive as at the former period, and my dear associate expressed herself of its being more satisfactory than ordinary to her; the meeting at Motherkill was not unpleasant, but the w eather very sultry—during our passing the forests I frequently chewed camphire and smelt of it, as I passed stagnant pools and ponds, or low sunken grounds that emitted a nauseous and disagreeable stench, and rubbed my hands frequently with the camphire, avoided much fruit or whatever tended to relax the stomach ; as cucumbers, melons, &c., but refrained from spirituous liquors, not that I donot in a medicinal way esteem them salutary, but because of the excessive abuse of them, fearing least by using them (in what is first called moderation) I may be led on to excess.
I tarried about two weeks, chiefly at G. Sipple’s, contemplating that it was best not to wander much about, and attended simply to the important negotiation on which I came down. I was treated with great kindness—sensibility of heart—and near affection by L. B.; but, though there was intervals of some sort of sociability, and I partook of the accommodations of the house, there seemed that lack of disposition in G. S., I wished to find, and had worked my mind into a belief that there was thought by him to be a want of energy in me for the procuring of the things of this world, together with a disrelish to my being benefited hereafter by his property; and when I let in a belief that others (not members) perhaps would be more welcome on this score, I was sometimes at a stand what to do; but the value of sincerity, with kindest treatment that could be rendered by L. B., determined me to put up with otherwise unsurmountable difficulties ; and previous to my departure, having opened our intended prospects and place of abode, observed to G. S. that it was time to consider ourselves in a different point of view, that the neutrality under our pending circumstances, (if the negotiation took place) must be changed to love or hatred; the next day two neighboring females came there, and he was more free and open than for some time before. 1 was at Dover, and walked from there to G. S’s, continued till next day—first of the week went to meeting, and took my leave of him at the meeting-house, and proceeded to Camden, and from thence to Dover—the day following got safe to my habitation at Wilmington, my house-keeper absent, I fadged on till she returned. On the 9th of this month wrote down to L. B., and are making prepa-iations by adjusting my accounts, to be in readiness to remove when opportunity offers. The sickness, 10th, prevailing in Philadelphia, occasions the people to resort here. This day partook of a friendly dinner with J. Dickenson, and was treated with evident marks of kindness by himself and family—but drank no wine, and in a merry mood, as he spoke of my present contingencies, and reproved for this extreme temperance, and rehearsed my intention of settling below, I requested him (if the longest liver) to extend a friendly care towards my children, which, in the presence of General Humpton, he promised to do, especially my daughter, whom he charged me by no means to suffer to live there.11th.—This day my mind has been in a state of contemplation, and I queried whether it is best to send part of my goods down in a shallop, and my desire is to be rightly directed—I have laid down on my mat-trass, my Bible near at hand, and on opening to several passages, find a consolation therein, viz * Ecclesiasticus, chapter xi., and Jeremiah, chapter ii. and iii. Charity also presents itself as a duty.
16th of the 8th month.—Since my coming up have been at Concord, saw my two children—the girl improves much every day—have agreed to leave her in the care of her kind and indulgent matron ; it was during the quarterly meeting, it was a pretty favored time in general—season rainy —there has been very heavy gusts at New-York, with much thunder and lightning. The atmosphere is loaded with vapor, and mushrooms gathered in great abundance; so much humidity is not frequent in the early part of this month. rl he monthly meeting granted me a certificate of removal to Motherkill monthly meeting agreeable to my request, and united to mine my son Thomas, a minor. G. S. was at the Quarterly Meeting, was not very distant; since that I saw him in Wilmington, more shy, which, on a serious reflection, gives me much anxiety, and contemplating thereon, I intended to have directed a letter to him on this occasion, and have requested an interview. I labored hard this afternoon with human nature, it is very difficult to lay down the weapons of our warfare while we are carnal, and while self predominates.
About the 18th of the 8th month I went to Kent, got to G. S’s, in the morning or forepart of the day, and remained till the afternoon; as he was absent, I w ent into Jones’s Neck, remained wdth my relation, D. Plesenton, and next day was at Little Creek meeting; understanding G. S. had returned, I hastened back, but finding the canoe removed, 1 swam the creek, and secured my watch, and about £b0 in money, in my hat covering, and my clothing I put on a small board and pushed them over before me, and so got safe—found him at home—and tarried all night—in the course of a few days went to Choptank, but previously to Frederica to examine respecting the place of my residence, and was at the Southern Quarter. James Boon wras much disordered on our return, I mentioned the circumstance of my certificate to some members, and was indulged to open at the preparative meeting my intentions of marriage with L. B. the ensuing month. The day preceding the preparative meeting, I took an opportunity to inform G. S. of my intentions ; he seemed confused, and as the introduction to the discourse was begun in his orchard, he appeared inclined to pass me; however, Iveered about, and continued my information, with all observing, I apprehended it my duty to recapitulate the circumstances, notwithstanding he had reason to expect such a procedure, and queried respecting his approbation, he replied (in haste) he should not object against it, or to that effect; we walked into the cornfield, or rather I followed him there, and from thence returned to the house.
We proceeded in the morning, his daughter in the carriage with her father and I alongside. I had been several days before afflicted with the fall fever, and this day was the time for its intermission, as soon as the meeting for business was opened, I presented my certificate, which was read, approved and received. At the preparative meeting one of the members, I. Rowdand, who was not made acquainted with the particulars of our intended mode of passing, and the indulgence, observed yet, as the parent was present it would be necessary to have his concurrence expressed, to which I think he said he was satisfied. When at Wilmington, some little time before, I expecting he was free
from any domestic perturbation.
********
I had happened to meet him at T. H., having on a pair of brown tear home-made trowsers, which I had not w orn since I came to Wilmington in the streets, it then being excessive hot and sultry, and, observing to him as we walked along it was very warm, and that I had put on trowsers for that purpose, and not to guard against the moschetos, he replied hastily and contemptuously, “ he did not see what occasion there was'for themfrom this I gathered I was not fine enough dressed. I was afterward confirmed in guch ideas from a circumstance which took place after I got below ; for, having occasion to ask for a horse to go to Frederica, he said there was none fit to ride. I pointed to a small creature and told him that w'ould do very well, if he could spare it; accordingly, I drove it up from the field and went there, horse was too poor to ride he said, having been up the country—wished to get him fat; he expressed on a particular occasion great desire that his daughter-in-law and child w'ere at his house (we talking respecting the fever). On contemplation, it occurred to me that the great grief of this man’s mind respecting his daughters marriages, arises from their names being changed, and should the name in that particular branch be lost, it would be very affix. But to return—he appeared, when the question was put at the preparative meeting, to reply with a cool and quick acquiescence, and when asked to walk into the wromen’s meeting, hecame forward J had nothing new on, save a pair of shoes, my hat was old and white, I was without gloves ; he more resembled the groom than I, and being seated aside my intended companion—he next me— we have to express ourselves by certain words, which I apprehended contained the purport, and partly the express words of the English discipline—of the expressions, viz., by divine permission, and friends approbation, we said, “ Dear friends, with your concurrence, I intend marriage with L. B., if the Lord permit,” and she in like manner the same words, reversing the names; when we went into the men’s meeting, instead of sitting alongside of G. S., removed to a more distant seat; I understood afterward he seemed not to approve of these expressions ; when queried respecting the parents concurrence, his reply was short; when we returned no one went to the house except an ancient woman who had kept his house, S. R., with whom I had rode to meeting; for, by the way, her creature was affrighted, he also renewed his application for being released from being overseer, in which station he had been a long time, and was rather requested to bear it a little longer ; this was on the 11th of the 9th month—the day following had a very sick day, and was kindly assisted. That morning G. S. and the before mentioned ancient woman proceeded toward Choptank to see his youngest daughter, said to be dangerously ill, and the day following I found myself much better; I walked to the creek’s mouth, having taken an affectionate leave of my much endeared friend. I was rather inclined to embrace this occasion, as I apprehended the salt air would be favorable to health, and less fatiguing than going in the stage; we set sail about 12 o’clock A. M., and got to Brandywine about half-past 3 P. M., next day—1 was excessive sick—removed from the shallop to my friend Sam. Holland, and in the evening to my lodgings.
14th.—Free from fever, went to Brandywine, and as I passed called on my old acquaintance and special friend J. D. He appeared to be full of enthusiastic good will towards me, first calling his wife, and then some others of the family, to see “ half of Dr. Luff,” as he expressed himself, asked me to dine with him—called at 2 P. M., he was kind and affectionate, his discourse mixed, private and public, but reprobated in the strongest terms my living below	#	#	*	*
I drank a glass or two of claret or port wine; I have for some time used brandy and wine, as opportunity offers, my stomach rejecting the #	*
I had formerly used in place of spirits, when in a weaker state while below, from a principle I held against the abuse of spirituous liquors;this same restraint does not seem equally binding now, or I have not a right discernment. May it please Thee, oh Father of Mercies, to direct my understanding aright in all things, and especially with regard to this abominable evil—the excess of spirituous liquors.
I was so much indisposed on first day, that I could not attend meeting, took a vomit in the afternoon, which operated well; and as I was much relieved in the evening, the day following I assisted in packing up some of my goods to send below, and was at Brandywine, saw them safe on board; and in the evening my feverish habit returning, I lodged at the house of a kind, and loving friend, William Camby, who, with his family, was assistants to me.
18th of 9th month.—I enjoyed a pretty good repose, and proceeded into town about 8 A. M.—sickness more terrific—people moving fast from the lower part of the town, I have been called to some, but think it not advisable to venture in my weak state of health, and broken practice for some time past, besides the confidence in the more regular practitioners, is greatly reprobated by the generality of the active citizens, and they are ready to listen to any body’s declaimer (black or white), like the children’s tune of cop-col, cub-boy, thief; the titles of doctors are all blended together, Dr. Tom, and Dr. T. (his master), equally familiar, and he that sells cheapest gets the most custom ; there are some characters very busy in aiding the sick and distressed, by various ways and means, among whom is none more deserving than G. M. Many of the tavern houses are shut up. The great gain places, with some grocery shops, and other employments near the wharf promised some few weeks ago, their prospects in this respect now, very much closed, and some of them forever hindered from future exertions; I am now waiting an opportunity for going to Concord, and have this day received by mail a letter from L. B., giving an account of the birth of a son by Elizabeth Hardcastle, which was forthwith called Garrett Sipple, in full—great pleasure abounds, and in all probability this long neglected person will have the greatest attention paid her by her parent. This seems to confirm my conjectures respecting the name as heretofore noted, see page 87, line 37, and that it might not be obliterated—if my judgment therefore does not fail me, I expect much less attention will be paid to the eldest daughter; but as my natural parents are dead (who were kind and very indulgent), and on whom 1 leaned as on a broken reed, and that my dependence ought more immediately to be placed on the Universal Parent, who often withdrawshis presence at times and seasons. So it becomes me to look to Him for guidance and direction, rather than to outward prospects, “ who has promised (by the word of truth), I will never leave thee nor forsake theemay we, who are about to join hands in the holy union of matrimony, be enabled to perform such duties as may be required of each and either of us.
About the 18th of the 9th month, after returning from Kent, greatly debilitated with the fall fever, I went to Concord, in Pennsylvania, about ten miles west of Wilmington, to the house of Samuel Painter. This family are very remarkable for industry, economy, and liberality; they live on the public road, and entertain a great many people; the master of the family in particular having an utter aversion to pride and vanity, applies himself to hard labor, enjoys good health, possesses a sufficiency of wealth, and by restraining his wants, is supplied with all necessary comforts, and enables him to have wherewith to give to those who need.
I continued at this place about two weeks, during which time I recovered my health and strength greatly—the air good, the water pure, and in the warm sultry season these high lands have pre-eminently the advantage of lower grounds as to health. It is a time of great sickness and mortality in Philadelphia and Wilmington, many valuable Friends who went to attend the yearly meeting in Philadelphia, have since taken sick and died, particularly those who lived in high airy situations ; but more especially such as remained several nights in the city. It is worthy of note that the village of Darby, about seven miles from Philadelphia, has remained free, or nearly so, from this dreadful malady. It lays low, is cool, and a pure stream of water running along side may contribute to its salubrity. Chester and Marcus-hook, two villages but a few miles distance, lying on the river Delaware, has been visited with this mortal malady (in proportion to the number of its inhabitants), in a very distressing degree.
During the intervals of my paroxysms, and when best able to walk abroad, I often visited the neighbors; heretofore I had seen them at the Quarterly Meeting, and such like occasions, when their time was much taken up with making provision for the friends who attended on this occasion. I now had a better view of the internal situation of things, as many houses were crowded with emigrants from the city and neighboring villages. There appears to be but little idle time for speculation and vain philosophy, they are mostly above it. Reameaur, Buffon, and the French naturalists, minutely examining a bee hive, wasps’ nest,the industry of ants, &c., would be accounted but idlers indeed among a company of Chester County farmers, who were preparing to seed their lands, or mow their meadows.
The industry of their women are not less observable; no gaudy fantastical dressing, musical instruments, superficial flowering, wax works, &c. ; no distressing, wreaking thoughts where they shall go next, or how employ their time; with the rising and setting sun, the day’s and night’s work regularly succeed each other, from the eldest to the youngest, there is constant employ. Sixty and seventy, nay, fourscore years does not exempt from regular and voluntary labor, health and necessary wealth go hand in hand, and penury is excluded from almost every door.
The honest industry of their predecessors, estates acquired principally by the increasing value of lands, and in a good degree from the curse (if I may be permitted the expression) of slavery. The children also brought up after the manner of their ancestors, will be likely to be longer in the possession than estates obtained through false and unfair channels. I came away about the fifth of the tenth month, and passing Wilmington, arrived safe in Kent County. Was yesterday at Mother-kill meeting, people have generally pale and sallow complexions, but few deaths, the fall fever the most prevailing complaint; it has been for some time past very warm and dry, though now grows colder; last evening some rain, wind from N. to N.E., the trees retain their greenness—there has been some light frosts.
15th of the month.—The drought still continues; on the 9th I passed meeting a second time with Lydia Boon ; and on the mor'ow I expect (God willing) to accomplish our marriage, having had the permission of the meeting. On the 16th, accordingly, we declared our final intentions and further accomplishment of marriage, before a respectable gathering of people, at the meeting house in Motherkill. The meeting was solemn, and what seemed to add additional weight to the assemblage was, the probable termination of the life of our much esteemed friend, Warner Mifflin, who expired in or about the very time we entered into this weighty undertaking, intelligence of his death being brought in about the close of the meeting, and the next day in the forenoon, his body was deposited in the burial ground, borne by black men, agreeable to request, from the hearse to the grave ; his wife delivered some tender and interesting expressions of his respecting the black people as, “ Oh that they could be persuaded to do better,” he havingbeen much concerned for their welfare in his illness; it is said he departed quietly, and in resignation to the Divine will, and without much apparent bodily pain—of the epidemical fever which has carried off so many of the inhabitants of the City of Philadelphia and parts adjacent, and of the valuable worthies of our society, as a seal to the testimony of truth’s service. Members who hesitated not to venture their lives in that sickly place, under a sense of their religious duty to their annual appointments, to keep up the order of society so long established for the transactions of the important and interesting concerns of their church government.
11th month.—First and second of this month a considerable snow, to the 6th or 7th generally cool, with white frosts in the morning. On the 5th I went to Choptank, and on the day following about ten miles below Denton, on Choptank River. The mornings and evenings being cool, and the middle of the day warm, it appeared as if the causes of our epidemical fevers was not entirely eradicated—for I sensibly felt the influence of those complaints operating on my system, and that evening a slight fever terminating with a sweat, and my urine depoieled a laterilious sediment. I apprehended the influence of the cold had not so far operated on this climate or district, as to put an end to its influence on habits predisposed thereto.
The peoples’ countenances (such as say they are in health) bears no resemblance to those of Chester County and upwards ; they have not began to kill their pork, and therefore the negroes in these parts do not look as well as they will by and by. 1 remarked that almost all the people, as soon as you enter their houses (for they are remarkable for hospitality, especially to well-looking strangers), present you with some spirituous liquors to drink—and a sling in the morning be sure. I queried with one of those opulent farmers if he gave his black people any in the morning before they went out into the cold, for I observed they were early at work—ground then encrusted, and there was great hurrying to business.
Dram drinking and slavery seems to be nearly connected: for the one excites vanity, which often produces the other.
On my return, on the 9th, was feverish—the wind S. VV., this wind seems to waft a vapor very insalubrious, and may in process of time, as the country becomes more divested of its timber, and thick settled, produce something like the Scirocco. My spirits was greatly oppressed, 1 had a cough like the influenza, and a discharge from my nose, andslight soreness of the throat. In the morning the wind was brisk at N.W., was braced and felt like another person; there was perplexing external concerns which presented to the view of the mind, impending future difficulties; but the N. W. wind did not blow them away, they remained as permanent as ever, and yet the mind seemed no ways depressed under them, which yesterday appeared difficult to bear.
It is necessary for physicians, metaphysicians, philosophers, and men employed in perplexing concerns, to pay a guarded attention to these things, and in the hour of disquietude endeavor to be passive and watchful, least they do signal injury to themselves or others. Labor is here of infinite advantage, this is probably the reason why so many of the people of color are exempted from such maladies, while the opulent whites are scarce ever free from—viz., an admixture of nervous symptoms in their diseases, especially such as have grown to the years of maturity, and are engaged in the busy scenes of life.
On the 24th or 25th of the 11th month I removed into Maryland, about one mile from Choptank bridge, now called Greensborough, into a little house belonging to my wife’s former husband (John Boon), the family consisting of her brother-in-law, James Boon, two white people who lived with him, and our two selves, including my youngest child and a small negro girl.
The w eather has been variable and generally cold, with snow and hard frosts, family healthy. We enjoy tranquillity, and notwithstanding my exterior affairs wrould seem intolerable to many, I rejoice that I have often sweet peace of mind; we have warm fires, plenty of clothing, and food sufficient—the meeting is very convenient, and though small, by obedience and faithfulness to know n duties, we may be favored to do away those alarming perplexities, that seem occasionally to be present—be pleased, 0 Lord, to enable us to do thy heavenly will!
1st month, 1799.—I was yesterday at Denton, in order to present the appraisement, but without effect—was at Denton the 8th for the like purpose. My time is mostly employed in moderate exercise, and a weak, feeble, and almost ineffectual labor of body and mind, variously modified to bring the affairs of the estate into the most effectual way for a final settlement; but as this depends on the influence and inclination of other people, very differently interested, the progress is slow and prospects unfavorable. In the forepart of these notes it has been remarked, the manners of the people of the southern parts of the continent, as differing from those of the north, and the mutation in a greatdecree attributed to the effects of slavery as well as difference of climate, other concurring causes adds to this distinguishable difference, for as the advanced prices of grain, with a prosperous condition in vendable country commodities does tend to increase vanity and luxury, so the scarcity and want of a circulating medium often inclines the unprincipled minds to avail themselves of whatever shifts and advantages may fall in their way, and also aids invention. For, as a current, such conduct forms a precedency, and at last the more virtuously inclined (being regulated by no other guide than custom) makes it a plea for their conduct, which is finally venerated as a law of the land, and as it best suits the conditions of the electors, they make it subservient to their purposes. Hence tyranny, oppression, and various enormities committed first by bad men, becomes a rule for those of better condition, and this forms such an irresistible barrier against the most honest and virtuous, that such are borne down and compelled to yield of necessity, more than of choice—so that the whole mass finally becomes contaminated, and in the language of holy writ it may be said, “ There is none good, no, not oneand in this state of perplexity I find no real permanent satisfaction, but in being properly resigned and given up to the will of Providence; to accept with cheerfulness daily provision, without projecting or preconcerting for future contingencies, and by yielding submission, the mind becomes tranquil, and present necessities are amply supplied. Thus it has often been with me, from my youth up, that the most promising appearances (like a fine morning sun) was soon overcast, and its brightness obstructed by dark clouds, which in their turn was again dissipated, and the light shone with its accustomed lustre.
20lh.—I still continue in rather an inactive and indolent state, with but little labor of body; and, indeed, I find no room for that industry which in times passed was so natural and pleasing to me—but which oftentimes terminated in perplexities, for the property here is not my own, and improvements (even necessary ones) must be dispensed with; neither do I see a prospect before me of entering into such a respectable condition of life with its concomitant advantages as will be fixed and permanent, as seems to be the situation of many, and which is both proper and commendable in a state of civil society. Many of my concerns lays w ith carping and contentious people, many being unwilling to pay their debts, which necessarily invites the counsel of men versed in the law, to determine on difficult points established by human policy, as best suits the interestsof officers of state (for in this particular they more especially consult self), and in these respects there is often a schism between honest, plain truth, and the positive rule and maxims of courts, notwithstanding law is said to be founded in justice—unless money and favor is connected together, honesty is so weakly supported, that it is found difficult to stand alone.
Note.—“Honesty (it has been held a maxim) is the best policy.” I wish it was a standing rule, and that the lenity and mercy of men in power, would regard it accordingly.
25th of the month.—Yesterday being our meeting day (5th of the week), the book of discipline or some selected passages were read—the day was snowy—hailing and raining occasionally, the prior part of the meeting was pleasant, and the latter part not so much so, to me; returning home I intended to enter into an examination of my precursors books, and having scarcely began, but a disagreeable perplexity of mind ensued, and I laid them down in a degree of warmth. Such tempers of mind I have observed in others, who have been endeavoring to discharge religious duties; in the morning previous to my setting out I found much discouragement, but when a determination was formed the difficulties seemed at once to be removed ; and on such occasions the enemy of mankind seems more than ordinarily busy, so that it requires a watchful and anxious labor, and dedication of heart, looking with a single eye to disengage from these cumber and perplexing things; to ensure true peace and comfort while I was musing, my mind was turned to Thomas Chalkley’s manner of life, and opening the book, the passage that presented was in page 127 (small edition). In this and the fore-going year I met with various trials and exercises ; at first, great inward poverty and want; 2dly, great losses in outward affairs, and 3dly, the evil spirit of divers stirred up against me, to report falsehoods concerning me, with many other sore exercises, both inward and outward ; and thus he comments. As to the first I had often been tried that way, and found by experience, that I must wait upon God my Saviour for fresh and renewed visitations from above, in w'hich exercise I had always, in the Lord’s time, comfort from him, as by the same exercise I had now the same comfort also; but I thought it very long, and the enemy did greatly endeavor to break in upon my patience now more than usual— but my heart still depended upon the Lord my Redeemer and Saviour, and in his time he was pleased to help me, blessed be His boly arm and power forever! secondly, as to my outward losses : I thought withmyself, peradventure it might be best for me, and I remembered that many through increase of outward riches, w ere exceedingly hurt as to their inward state; and that much riches doth much hurt to youth, also I say that patience was an excellent virtue, and that the meek had the best inheritance of the earth, if they had even so little of it, and that true happiness did not consist in earthly things, which my experience had largely taught me; and 3dly, as to the evil treatment I met with, I considered they could not use me worse than they had done my Lord and Master, &c. Thus the experience which this worthy man had gone through and recorded for the benefit of succeeding generations, was of considerable help and comfort to me.
1st day of the second month.—My mind seems quiet and easy, my body more than ordinarily healthy; 1 live plentiful according to my circumstances, and am very happy with my companion ; our complicated state affairs bears a more favorable aspect to be brought to a close. A few days past I saw a man in a high state of health, and could but remark his appearance ; he is now in a dangerous situation, and laboring under extreme bodily affliction. I said in my mind this morning, why am 1 so happy ? is it a prelude to approaching calamity, sickness, or distress ? I have known, after the most dreary imagination and depressing condition, a sweet peace and composure, as also the reverse ; and on a particular occasion, about three or four years ago, as if death would swallow me up, my distress being inexpressible, in an instant, the power of the tempter seemed to leave me, and a ministering spirit to comfort my soul from its deep anguish. Blessed be the name of Israel’s God ! may I be preserved unto the end !
Continued quiet in mind, and enjoying a perfect state of health, the predisposing state of my habit heretofore favoring visceral obstructions, but by dieting more on corn and pork, they tend, at this season of the year, to keep the bowels open, and afford a more plentiful supply of nourishment than any other aliment, to this add, I occasionally chew some Peruvian or dogwood barks, and very frequently smoke tobacco, and sometimes swallow the saliva impregnated therewith, which, by habit, does not create but a slight nausea.
2d month.—My time is not spent in very active exercise; I find but little to do that will turn out to permanent advantage temporally, therefore pretty much adhere to the maxim, “ That it is better to do nothing than that which is worse than nothing,” therefore endeavor to compose myself as much as possible, and if I can do little good, avoid doingmuch harm, to myself or others. On the 11th inst., at night, was called up from my bed, and required, by summons, to examine the body of an infant, found dead in the river Choptank. Reflecting thereon, also endeavoring to prepare my accounts for the Orphans Court, and having many complex difficulties, for want of more patience, faith, and mental supplication, with greater resignation of mind, I bercame over anxious, fretful, and without comfort, confused, and entirely forgot our meeting day; in this state I mounted my horse, the day being very cool and windy, in order, philosophically, physiologically, and metaphysically, to organise the mind by the regulations of the body, the best natural way I have experienced, and by far preferable to wine, musk, the foeted gums, &c., to tranquilize its perturbation.
Note.—1st. Philosophically—The deep and hidden researches of nature, established by an All-wise Providence, by certain laws, becomes the important investigation of human kind. 2d. Connected therewith is the sister Science of Medicine. 3d. The inscrutable morality comprehending Metaphysics, each so intimately connected, as scarce to admit of a separation; and each so extensive as to require more than the life of man’s ordinary attainment, specifically to comprehend ; yet, by various examinations, whether by the more perfect or deficient abilities, pertinently appertaining to every order and description of mankind.
Having cantered my horse, faced the northwest winds, viewed various scenes, the disagreeable sensation began to be dissipated. I had set off in order to arrange some accounts, and put them in a better condition for adjustment, and thereby expected to get my mind disengaged from its disagreeable sensations. Passing along on the 15th, I understood my father-in-law, G. S., was ill, that he had fallen down in a kind of fit or syncope ; notwithstanding I had continued to think hard of this man’s distant behavior towards us, I being equal proud, and thinking myself as good as him, the distinguishing difference being in his having the greatest temporal wealth, and I still harboring an opinion he begrudged me the participation of some of it, had let in a very considerable hardness against him; and when I heard of his indisposition, began to consider whether I had best see him or not, having it in contemplation to go another way. However, my supplication was that I might overcome the evil that was in me, and be enabled to forgive. I proceeded on, and when I came to his gates, the recollection of past occurrences be-gining to inflame me, I traveled on with great reluctance. When I came to his house and found him lying in the bed, with a sickly coun-tenance, 1 began to look inward to myself with some such reflections as these: does this man deserve my resentment ? is it not time for an^er to cease? Will his errors justify mine? &c. After some short inquiry, I proposed to let blood, and not having my own lancet, was necessitated to send and borrow one—it was much out of order—and in drawing blood, I apprehended I must have hurt him considerable; he did not complain, was no ways peevish or fretful; the blood, on examination, I found a buff on the crossamentum, indicating inflammation, notwithstanding it had not freely flown from his arm. I stayed till the next morning, and proposing to shave him, (for he never shaves himself,) his answer was, “ if thee pleasesthis quite subdued my wrathful disposition towards him, and created tenderness and love. Oh! how hard a thing it is to render good for evil, the necessary characteristic of the Christian character, the essence of which we (Quakers) profess as our fundamentals. Y\ e seemed to part in good will, and he remembered his love to his children.
I returned with joy to my habitation, and to my endearing companion, and have continued tranquil in spirit—was yesterday at meeting, pretty comfortable though a snowy day, and I had no great fault to find with myself, but more watchfulness and inward attention would have been better. I believe it very requisite that watching should precede as well as succeed prayer, that is, we should watch before we pray, and after we*have prayed.
18th, in the evening.—The truth of these last observations I this day found verified ; for, for want of more guardedness this afternoon (being in company on law business) my mind became light and frothy, an inclination to be humorous and merry, though I drank no spirituous liquors, and if I had not laid down a resolution to refrain from the general use of spirits, and measurably deferred keeping them in my house, it is very likely my danger would be greater. It prevents me often from asking my acquaintances to drink, in conformity to custom, which the vain, fear of being called a churl, might do, if 1 had them. My intention last fall was, if I had been left at full liberty, to have furnished my house genteelly, and had it supplied with larger and better stores of necessaries, and also w'ith liquors of the best quality, to be used in moderation, and as sickness, or as associations might require. But the fever prevailing in Y\ ilmington was one impediment, and other occurrences since, put a final stop to my preconcerted plan,* and I have of necessity pla-See William Law’s letter to his friend on the essence of spiritual life.oed myself in a situation very exceptionable to the eyes of the world, on many accounts, yet as I have elsewhere observed in many respects contributing to a felicity, that I could not have experienced in my own chosen condition, and 1 believe the movement has been providential; and I pray that his all-powerful arm may protect me from sin and iniquity, and make my way prosperous before him, for he knoweth what is best and most expedient for us, the children of men.
On the 24th of the second month we went down to our quarterly meeting at Easton ; the weather was cold, but the meeting was no doubt blessed to many; on our way down, we stopped at a house on the road-side to warm, and on our return, the man of the house was dead, having fallen from his horse, as was reported, in a state of intoxication, and with the injury received, coldness of the weather, &c., had almost expired before he was found, and died a short time after he was brought home. This information, and reflection of such great changes as a few days brings about, and particularly with respect to death, might be sufficient, one would think, to keep incautious man in a state of watchfulness.
In my absence from home, an old friend and acquaintance, Ab. P., called at my habitation, pressed by necessity, hunger, and cold, he found my retired place of abode, stayed all night, and in the morning continued his ramble from place to place.
Q. What will the deprivation of money, once possessed, and afterwards spent in too great profusion, drive men to ? This person was once in affluent circumstances, then poor, excessively so; once and again received bequests, and now, I greatly fear, this poor man will be utterly undone. May the Lord Almighty have mercy on his poor soul and mine !
The recurrence to the situation of the before mentioned person, who received a liberal education, was preparing, under the tutelage of a very able scholastic, William Smith, D. D., for the line of the ministry. A circumstance which 1 have thought perhaps the primary cause of his dissipated manners, i. e.} the undertaking to be Christ’s Vicegerent, from the tuition of man ; a very mistaken notion, notwithstanding it has the sanction of so many at this day in Christendom. But the revolution in Europe will, no doubt, open the eyes of many thousands heretofore grossly obscured by superstition, no doubt sceptical superstition, may 1 not say.
On the evening of the 26th, while at Easton, my wife being in a very good state of health, as remarked by most people, was cheerful amongher relations and friends; the weather being, as was the case for some days preceding, extremely cold, and she suffered in coming down, as also during the sitting of the meeting; but on the day following, on her way home, complained much of excessive pain, and on the evening of the second of the ensuing month, her situation was very perilous, and appearing at times almost exhausted, made mention respecting her clothing if death ensued. I have frequently observed that many, from a high state of health, have suddenly been attacked with violent disease, and, on the approach of death, how the mind metamorphoses with the body. At the time of the greatest difficulty and danger, it becomes man to be most stayed, for he can then make use of the faculties he is naturally endowed with to the best advantage. (See other notes.)
24th of the 3d month.—From the date of the last entry I have enjoyed good health, my wife is recovering from a low and debilitated state; have myself generally been at meeting, and pretty tranquil in mind ; attending at other times to my domestic affairs, and mostly at home. This day, while at meeting, and musing on the mode of worship, and comparing the form of other societies with our own, &c., the silence was disturbed by some children making a racket around the house ; I went out and requested them not to make a noise, but to go further off and play. The words were but just spoken and I come in, when reflecting on the direction that I had spoken incautiously, that not to disturb the assemblage was very well, but to go further and play was what I had no business to do. It brought to my recollection the laws instituted in the eastern American States, and their utility, which prohibits people lrom idly sauntering about, and compels them to attend some place of public worship on the Sabbath, or first day of the week, and has at least this good effect to give the rising generation a more respectful veneration for the Christian establishment, which the libertine conduct and unrestrained license in other places too much admitted of. It is true the liberty of conscience ought not to be abridged, yet as the laws are intended to suppress evil, and has discriminated what was so, or had that tendency, the operation, as much as possible, should be directed to that end.
Since the last entry have been in Philadelphia and Chester County; the 2d or 3d day in the 4th month was the time for holding tho Annual Meeting in Philadelphia from this time forward. The inconvenience in attending in the fall season, and the frequent visitation of the contagious fever, &c., induced the members to appoint the spring season for thegeneral gathering together of its appointed members ; they accordingly assembled, and a solemn time it was ! good order kept too, and general unanimity and brotherly love existed, good and salutary advice delivered, and the meeting adjourned to that period and place, if so permitted by Divine Providence. Not attending minutely to the time, I went not properly prepared as to clothing, &c., and having a double intention, also wished to negotiate with the creditors of the estate which I had the settlement of. I used that freedom in the intervals of the meeting, and apprehended I had liberty so to do, and mentioned the same to sundry persons. This was different with me, for several other Yearly Meetings I attended solely for the purpose of receiving instruction, and myself much restricted from any outward privilege in this way; but-now being pressed by the urgency of the case, and the greater number of creditors being there, I went with this double intention, and cannot say I found myself condemned therein.
The meeting was comfortable and edifying to me, and I was thankful for the gracious dealings of Providence in the preservation of my body and mind. I returned to my habitation the 23d of the 4th month, just in time to escape a heavy shower of rain, to the no small comfort and satisfaction of my beloved companion, child, and family, who received me with evident tokens of sincere affection.
1st of the 5th month.—Now engaging in the business of the estate, was yesterday at Denton, our County town; but it not being the day in course for court business, speedily returned. I have thought that the people cailed Quakers, should, at this time especially, be very guarded in their conduct and conversation, spend as little time as possible in public mixed company or worldly business, they are so apt to be drawn into idle and unprofitable conversation, which, on such occasians, generally turns on the news of the day, military achievements, politics, &c.; and although it is difficult for men in business to pass along without being connected with such of their fellow men, yet it is like poison to the quiet and peaceable profession, this order of society would seem to be seeking for, viz: the meek, humble, and peaceful kingdom of the Prince of Peace.
Yesterday, after returning home, was too light and frothy, though perhaps nothing harmless in conversation, yet it tends to abstract from that necessary solidity, that should be the evident token of a Quaker’s mind, as their clothing is the garb of their bodies.
My outward affairs seems progressing quietly along, though I am farfrom what is called making money, having received no cash for medical services these many months, and am supported by the use of my money, and now and then sustaining losses, &c. ; yet what was heretofore made, and put out in that way, and my retired life, free from much expense, produces a very ample supply, so that I seem to be in less need than many of my countrymen, who are generally hard pressed for money, and highly taxed for their houses, lands, equipage, servants, &c., of which I have few or none.
7th of the 5th month was at Denton, and presented some accounts to the adjourned Orphans Court, most of which were received. We intended, if so permitted, to set off for Chester county this day, 8th, in order, (under circumstances) perhaps, to make it at some future period, the place of our residence. Accordingly, we proceeded after meeting, and reached the house of G. S., my wife’s father, and the next day to Dover; continuing on got to the Red Lion Tavern, in New Castle county—as night was approaching, and we not likely to get to the house of a member of Society, and it looking likely for rain, I thought it advisable to put up there, having heretofore had good accommodations at that place, and we got safely away before the gust came on. I have for some time been uneasy at stopping at places of doubtful welcome, among the members of our society, especially when on business of a temporal nature ; for if the visitor is poor, he has often great reason to suspect his welcome, and if in aflluent circumstances, he should be careful not to intrude on good nature; besides, there is a very great distinction between town and country, and when a man travels, he should be particularly careful of his beast, and when he pays for what he gets, he can proportion it at pleasure, but if by proxy, he must be satisfied, let it be too much or too little.
On the 10th, about 11 A. M., we got to Wilmington, or so near that I proposed to my wife to visit the poor-house, so called ; the most meritorious edifice in the county perhaps, and distinguished for its elevated situation, good order, and convenient accommodations for the necessitous who are placed there. We tarried in the borough during the night, and next day after meeting went to Concord; was at the Quarterly meeting, which was considered as a comfortable opportunity—the day of the Youths’ Meeting a favored time in particular. We proceeded the day following to the institution, a place appropriated for the instruction of the children of the members of our Society, about five or six miles north or northwest from Concord meeting-house. Our principle objectwas to see a piece of land offered for sale, adjoining the Institution lands. We looked at it, and returned to Concord that evening; came next day to Wilmington, the 5th of the week, and proceeded the day following towards our habitation—reached the head of Sassafras—it rained at intervals very hard the after part of the day; the day following we wrere at Cecil monthly meeting, lodged at Warner Resins, the son-in-law of Warner Mitflin.
1st of the week wras at their particular meeting, and lodged at Chester Town ; had a view of the celebrated College of Washington, of that place; it is unfinished, and seems to be on the decline, particularly that part of the building intended for a chapel; it was set on foot or greatly aided by the well known William Smith, D. D., formerly provost of the College of Philadelphia.
As I passed along through Kent, in Maryland, Cecil and Queen Ann’s,. I observed the winter grain to look less promising than in Pennsylvania, and the upper parts of Delaware situated more northerly; it is owing perhaps to the Hessian fly, so called, and not being equally covered with snow during the winter, but more than all these to the excessive tillage and want of manure.
The stately edifices, both public and private, going to decay, bespeaks the declining state of things. The great distinction among men—the want of more general equality, and industry joined with religious practical duties, founded on just principles, would, I believe, recall the blessings of Providence, and make this garden-spot (Maryland) by art, what it was originally by nature. We crossed the ferry in the morning and reached our habitation in the afternoon of the second day of the week, and :20th of the month, and found our little family in health, affording us much joy and satisfaction, that we had safely returned in good health,, after a pleasant and instructive journey or friendly visit to our relations and acquaintances, many of whom had greatly desired to see my companion, and from whom we received the strongest marks of friendly attention.
The succeeding day after our return, the constable of the district waited on us, been warranted sometime before, and having a mile or more to walk in a very hot sun, to obtain a valid receipt for money heretofore paid, and attending on the summons, a complicated, perplexing piece of business, and the nature of the case such as to endanger us in the determination of much larger sums if it went against us, seemed to reverse the pleasant and agreeable times we had just before experienced. It was a clergyman who prosecuted, (who was also a magistrate) andissued in behalf of another of his own function ; the business in the es>-tate in which I was concerned, was negotiated by our brother-in-law improperly, and who, if he attested to the whole truth, must necessarily lay himself (in his own person) liable to considerable difficulty—and partial testimony did but injure his brother’s widow—his invectives were irritating—moreover we had all three just come from the meeting-house instituted for the solemn worship of Almighty God—were in a short space after warm, fretful and passionate. When I contrasted the preceding week’s felicity, and our easy carriage conveyance to our then walking on foot to the meeting, ifi excessive hot weather, and from thence to the place of business—the disagreeable nature thereof, high professing Christians contending and controverting with each other—sagacious and strained reflections, how, queried I, does such things militate against the Christian character, in the judgment of the scrutanizing infidel, and serve to warp them from this holy profession? Yet, again, what are men to do ? Passively to submit to impositions, and from one fraud to another, suffer tfieir substance to be taken away, without availing themselves of the common benefits of the law; and in parleying therewith, how shall the actual Christian demean himself, so as to keep a conscience void of offence towards God and mam ?
On the 27th of the 5th month began the Southern Quarterly Meeting at Little Creek. We were prevented from attending, in part by the disability of our horse, who was somewhat injured by the saddle; but withal, 1 did not feel much inclination, as the attendance of distant religious meetings, without appointment, or evident duty dictated, and where curiosity, the sake of a pleasant ride, or mere visit to relations or acquaintances bears the greatest sway, when more necessary domestic concerns, or neglect of particular meetings would be omitted thereby, I have often thought these considerations ought to be well weighed, as otherwise there is but a loss sustained to that “ saving health,” which belongeth to the spirit. I have further thought, that even among actual members of our Society, there were those who came under the description of the “ lo here’s and lo there’s,” who diligently follow the shadow for the substance, and look to the creature, (especially such as are favored to deliver words) and follow them very diligently from place to place, who are indifferent, or not enough attentive to attend to their weekday meetings, that they might truly “sup with Christ,” (figuratively speaking), and be nourished with the bread of everlasting life; for the ministry of many concerned Friends, (especially of late days) appearsto be much drawn to the people of other societies, who actually stand in need of special direction to the true teacher in themselves, having not fully considered of that “ light” spoken of by the Evangelist John, “that shineth in a dark place.” These need this special knowledge, but our own people its application.
1st of the 7th month.—Since my last minutes, a worthy friend, John Simpson, in his passing along, stopped at the little meeting at Greens-borough ; his discourse was much to parents respecting the children, and their duty towards their parents—the children of the school generally coming in, and a mixed assemblage of the people of the village, the meeting was comfortable, I believe, to many, and ended satisfactorily.
I have continued for the most part in health, as has my family, but much in the inactive way as to temporal exertions. On the ltJth of the 6th month last, early in the morning, as I was attending to my domestic affairs, and musing on my situation, my mind was suddenly impressed with this encouraging language, (not spoken by any outward voice,) but by the Invisible in the secret of the heart intelligently—be peaceful, be quiet, be still! and the Lord will bless tbee ; which I soon after wrote down on paper, and have since transcribed. It afforded much tranquility—may I be enabled patiently and quietly to endure all necessary difficulties, for Christ and the Cross’ sake, is my earnest supplication, for “flesh and blood cannot enter the kingdom of heaven,” as it is Scripturally expressed, and unless I am supported by Divine aid, cannot withstand the various besetments, for in my natural disposition, I am quick and passionate.
Yesterday I had intended to have set off for Kent this day, but finding no freedom of mind when the time came, I deferred going; to-morrow is their preparative meeting, and I was desirous of being there for some particular reasons ; but, it may be, the intentions are not timely, hereafter I expect to see the cause of this stop or hindrance.
3d of the month.—My mind has been for some days past afflicted with various exercises, resulting from the state of my unsettled affairs here; this afternoon it was serene, and I experienced more consolation than for some considerable time past—a very slight disposition to fever, or rather chillness preceding, just as I was about to set off for Kent, prevented me.
On the 8th I went to Kent, the day preceding the monthly meeting; was there the 9th, requested advice in a case or cases of difficulty— having previonsly opened to some friends my situation, in private con-versation, and received this direction—a committee consisting of Daniel Mifflin, Isaiah Rowland, Samuel Howell, and Jonathan Hunn, to take it into consideration if found (on examination) expedient, but not minuted. My mind has been much burthened with some matters from which I expected relief by this means, and I think I discovered that the time I had intended (as mentioned above) to have gone, would not have been as suitable as when I did go; moreover, when at the close of the meeting, I was about to make my request—the prospect appeared dark and rather discouraging—whether it may answer any good purpose, I know not now, or whether the sensation proceeded from repelling dispositions in any members, time must demonstrate. Yet our feeling, if we are favored to know good, should certainly regulate us ; but as the business was of a temporal nature, sometimes on such occasions we are not so attentive as might be best, or truly watchful and supplicative as to be indubitably informed : the Urim and Thummin (of society^ remaining incomprehensible to human judgment, and self-will interposing itself, excludes right knowledge. Some members of the meeting having different sentiments respecting the same matters brought before them for decision—this discovers the infalibility of human judging, and ought to direct us closely to the proper place of right understanding; and great care is requisite to divest our minds from prejudice, and to keep in brotherly harmony and concord, patiently bearing and forbearing with each other, and suppressing all pride and vanity.
Attended our little meeting pretty generally in course—have been mostly at home, as usual—the mind sometimes favored to experience the benefit of the Everlasting Arm underneath, and condemnation for omission of duties, but more particularly (an unguarded watchfulness in the secret cogitations of the mind) deficient in.
3d of the 8th month, 1799.—I was yesterday at Denton, and during the business of the day, which w as chiefly taken up in the liberation of a slave. Contemplating on the law, its operation and influences—viewr-ing the condition of men, together with their various circumstances in life, my mind was drawn into a state of deliberation—the night disquieted by dreams; and in the morning, as I sat in silence, (according to my usual manner) was brought to review my present local situation in a temporal state, with its occasional external disquietudes and precarious condition, subject to many perplexities. That passage of Holy Writ was remembered as applicable to myself (at a former time) when all external concerns seemed to be so satisfactorily accommodated,t{ Woe unto them that are at ease in Zion, and trust in the Mountain of Samaria.” I had quieted myself in myself—was near to meeting— could attend regularly, without my former difficulties, wet or dry, hot or cold, and my Quaker principles comforted me—I was at ease; but now difficulties present—embarrassments to destroy my false ease under which I was sheltered. I go where I would not—I am required to do that which is disagreeable to me—I must make sacrifices—I am not gaining thereby, but losing—my treasure in the earthen vessel exhausting—“ Woe unto him of whom the world speaketh well of”—I crave this good name, I do not like to be evil spoken against—I must comfort myself with that which is not of this world—a Christian ! what does it imply ? a follower of Jesus Christ. Who when reviled reviled not again, though Lord of all became as a servant. I love power and supremacy, to submit indiscriminately—“ to turn the other cheek also”—to bear the Cross when I want to support my honor and credit on its own grounds —•hard task—hard sayings, who can endure them ? humility without (worldly) honor—love enemies, (not ostensibly) but from the secret of the heart, where man’s comprehension cannot reach—who knows not Cain’s determination to slay his brother till he has revealed himself by words or actions.
Thus musing as in allusion to the trial before hinted at, that man was, and is brought into fields of labor agreeable to the will of his Creator, for the best of purposes—to destroy the dross, winnow the chaff, to remove the downy pillows of his own created ease, to give him pain, nay, to wound, the more effectually to heal. Oh ! could this language be uttered in very truth, “ Thy kingdom come, thy will be done.”
11th, 12th, and 13th of this month was in Kent, and as I came near to the habitation of my father-in-law, an unusual pleasantness attended my mind respecting him, which I found to be the case when I came to his house; he was somewhat indisposed—we have not been on such good terms as we ought to be. I seemed to be warned of his disposition or temper of mind before I came in his presence, in several instances which on trial was so; this more and more confirms me in the belief of a Divine communication to the human understanding, and that if we ask (in sincerity) we shall receive; whether I omitted known duties, or he was deficient on his part, or both remiss therein, it so happened that we separated from the meeting-house without taking leave of each other. When I considered his station in the church, and the report of the monthly meeting to the quarter (my father-in-law being arepresentative to the monthly meeting,) and however exceptionable my conduct might have been, I could not believe there was that good will from him towards me as would authorize such *	*	*
I went to Dover—the mind disquieted—returned to Camden and saw my former wife’s brother, Dr. F. Fisher. He being, as I apprehended, previously informed of my present local situation, my conduct respecting my children, and not coinciding with my opinion relative to their education and employment, saluted me with formality rather than cordiality, faulted my conduct, and added to the already disquieted condition I was in. I endeavored for composure, slept little, but during the night did anxiously sigh for a resting place, the sure mercies of David. Believing that the weak, feeble, and humbly depending children, though fools in the sight of the worldly wise, did, during this meeting, experience comfort in the discharge of their respective duties, and were duly rewarded therefor. “ Ho, he that thirsteth, let him come unto the waters and drink, and lie that hath no money, let him come and buy wine and milk, without money and without price.” Many such there are,
1 believe, who are amply paid, while the rich go away empty.
On my return home, not far from Choptank Bridge, I saw two negroes, very ragged, going to get a little grain from a neighboring mill, and inquiring if they had any money to purchase, gave them some.
Oh ! the sweet peace that seemed to succeed this little charity. My pocket had more silver in it than was comfortable, having exchanged some paper for it the day before, and reflecting that 1 had a plenty while these poor creatures seemed to want—that I bore about me sundry superfluities—that such had labored for my ease—that I was but a steward at my master’s will, &c.—that the giving “ to the poor, was indeed lending to the Lord,” and was amply repaid, I proceeded home in sweet peace and composure of mind.
The latter part of the month began the Quarterly Meeting at Easton, and my father-in-law not calling to see us, and appearing intentionally to pass us, produced such resentment on my part, that I had concluded 1 would not attend the Quarter, as I had previously intended, apprehending it was better not to see him, than receive or manifest my sensibility, in the presence of members of Society, of his slight. But on my wife’s reply to my observations on this head, which I had communicated, “ that perhaps I should not be sorry for going,” I set off and got there some time after the meeting was gathered. A woman Friend, —S. Matthews—was greatly exercised in the men’s meeting, and herexpressions seemed peculiarly to reach my mind. 1 gave him my hand after meeting—the day following also—but he did not call to see us on his return. Some days after I went to Motherkill meeting—he did not ask me to his house. I first gave him my hand, and apprehended if I had not, he would not have offered his to me. I conversed with several friends on this subject, but conjecturing that a timidity respecting the mere person and property of my father-in-law, tended to awe them into a passive principle, more than a sensibility of his error. My mind was more and more afflicted during the night, therefore my supplication was poured out unto the Almighty, that he would be pleased to work for my deliverance—for my anxiety was great, and 1 see the “ help of man is vain. Expecting, hoping and thinking, that all wrong things were to be brought before the tribunal of the meeting, and there to be judged and condemned, and in this respect, 1 was willing to be brought to trial ; but my exertions being ineffectual, I was favored to see my own errors in these respects—that humility being wanting in myself, the great characteristic of the Christian temper—that no railing accusation was to be admitted, however defencible—I was brought into a sweet calm, wherein the tears flowed plentifully, and a determination entered into, that, by Divine assistance, I would go to my father-in-law’s house, which I had passed by the day before, and say unto him, wherein I have offended thee, I ask forgivness, and if on his requiring the same of me, to answer, he was freely forgiven from my heart; or if he appeared haughty, big, or unwilling to be friendly, or showed any signs of bringing me to his own domination, quietly to depart without retorting, and to look only to the Lord for protection and deliverance. Thus I lay for sometime exceedingly comforted, and in the morning observed to my friend, that I desired not his further interposition, but did not entirely unbend my mind to him. I proceeded on, and when I came to the road which led thitherward, was almost at a stand, seeming to desire that the subjected will might be taken for the act itself, and my horse was turned homeward, and my inclination was almost collected that way; but again 1 picked up courage, and reined my beast around, went agreeable to nocturnal determination, and when I came to the house, was received with tolerable kindness, and on my departure, not expressing myself as I had predetermined, observed that if he would except of my sulky, I would take the carriage, to which he replied, I might have them both; but I (pressing his acceptance) left it, and when we went to shift the creature, for the horse was partly harnessed, he very officiously assisted,and said the carriage ought to be greased, &c. In the little time of my being at the house, he had not inquired of the health of his daughter, my wife; neither did he on my departure direct his love to her, or request her to visit him.
I returned home greatly comforted in having my natural will brought under subjection to the Cross of Christ; although I had not in the fullest latitude complied with what seemed to be a resignation to that Divine requiring, and in the omission cannot say I find condemnation with respect to express words, having in effect submitted to the duty.
Now the 5th of the 9th month, my mind has been from the preceding notes comfortably composed; the weather for a few days past has been moist, a very great fall of rain, attended with much lightning and thunder, more perhaps in some neighboring places than since the spring, collectively. The dysentery, or infantile lax prevailed with considerable mortality in some places; and the fall fevers will very probably succeed this inundation. Previous to this stormy weather, the air was very oppressive, and disagreeable in respiration.
Between the 15th and 20th of this month my wife and myself went up to Kent—was at our father’s—his wife was sick, but not confined altogether to her chamber; he was busy in putting up a new building, engaged in his farm and other domestic affairs, so as to keep the mind employed, as well as his hands, i. e., his people. A pressure of business at this season of the year, requires very intense labor, and the manner of it might be very advantageously changed, not only with respect to general health, but to the net profit of the land holders; for instance, corn, fodder, and indeed the too large crops of that kind of grain—Indian corn is here meant—tends to impoverish the earth, and the labor in it exhausts the human as well as brute creation, while a different mode of cultivating the land would contribute to the advantage of both ; the general mode of ochanomy might be much improved, and the conditions of the lower class of people greatly ameliorated.
We went to several places, paying a kind of friendly and relational visit, greatly to my satisfaction and improvement; and here it may be noted, there is various kinds of visits—but in the general acceptation of the word commonly understood—what might be called pleasure taking, a looking out and expecting good nugs, cheerful and gay company, such as expel melancholy and adopt mirth, and if it is not altogether natural, use exertions to obtain it, and by no means spoil festivity whatever may be the consequence. Children reared in these habits by the example oftheir parents, often occasion them sorrow and deep distress in advanced years; such especially as find means to run through their property, and by a too expensive way of living in early life, bring on scenes of the greatest distress and misery, helpless and decrepid old age, and forlorn conditions in both sexes, truly calamitous to see, but more especially to feel, which, to too many are without remedy, because brought up without the pure knowledge of God in the world, they are left without hope in Jesus Christ, the greatest of all consolations.
The last day of this month, (30th,) I went up into Kent, in expectation of being at the election on the first of the 10th month, in order to remove my son, who was with a printer, for a few weeks, and to make observations relative to the manners and practices of my fellow-men many of whom, of different descriptions, I expected to see there, and to instruct my son in that kind of knowlege which is so necessary to accompany the reading of books. I had a general acquaintance, could trace the rise and fall of many, discover the reasons of their particular movements, see the various successes and disasters attending their different modes of conduct, and thereby advise or caution my son as I found it necessary and advisable—sometimes leave him to stand on his own feet, and if he got a slight fall, overlook it, but cautiously guard against his being dashed to pieces.
But also I was desirous of seeing the conduct of my fellow-members on this momentous occasion ; old as well as young, and young as well as those more advanced in years, the giddy and fantastical, as well as the ostensibly sober, and to compare such times and places with the more solid conventions or state gatherings of yearly or quarterly appointments, with the state operations and society concerns, &c.; but I was disappointed by the indisposition of my mother-in-law, who, on that day, was extremely ill, and the physician employed not being able to further attention, nor another (the Secretary of State,) I went down and stayed all night; she had been bled and blistered, her complaint representing a billious colic; she was very yellow, and complained of exquisite pain between the shoulders, which removed to her left side, was costive, &c.; after her bowels were opened, and she brought to a gentle perspiration, the blister drawing, &c., she found so much relief that, as I departed the next morning, she refused to have the doctor sent for, alleging it might be dispensed with. She was pretty free from fever, pain, &c. The third day following she departed, that was the sixth of the week, and 4th of the 10th month, 1799, and was interred in the* riends burial ground, the first day following, attended by considerable number of different denominations; James Iddings wras there from Duck Creek, and was largely opened in testimony.
10 month, 1799—On second day we returned to Choptank in order to prepare for our removal to Frederica, in the State of Delaware, having some time before proposed to do, and had already sent some things there, where I had lived in my former wife’s time, and which had afforded much practice in my profession, and where I had intended to remove to, some time after my late marriage, had I not been prevented as before noted. In this undertaking I found complicated difficulties, which appeared removable only by time and contingencies—the place evacuated must be subject to waste, decay of buildings, &c. The place removed to was my own, though not an eligible one, especially on account of health, and much out of repair, but, nevertheless, much more comfortable than where I am to remove from. At all events, however I determined to leave the place, as I apprehended the most material part of the estate, at least so far as I could effect, was settled, and if a further attention was necessary, it could be done by a power of attorney, or occasional visits, without a particular residence. Accordingly, therefore, on the fifth day ef the week, and 10th of the month, we set off from Choptank—it raining most of the day, we got safe without injury to our health, or much damage to our wares.
In my various movements I have earnestly desired to be under the guidance and direction of unerring Wisdom, and though this place promised neither the acquisition of worldly wealth, nor what men generally account pleasure and happiness, if it is the proper place allotted me by Providence, he can turn all things to my necessary advantage, and even permit me the enjoyment of health, with all things absolutely requisite for the sustenance of my body, and the refreshment of my soul, as well in this, as other places; and notwithstanding it may be deemed presumptuous to expect the immediate interposition of the Deity to change the order of things fixed by an immutable decree, for the aid and convenience of poor frail man, and that it would seem preposterous to expect such peculiar interposition, yet is the Christian mind comforted with such consoling expressions as “ My grace is sufficient,” “ I will never leave thee (i. e., such as place their confidence on the immoveable Rock) nor forsake thee,” and such like passages as are written in the Scriptures of Truth for our instruction, and prefixed by the finger of God, figuratively expressed, on the mind of those seekingones, who have not the advantage of bookish learning, but who do oftentimes more sensibly understand these sacred truths, by practising the things contained in the law, than the professing Jew, by bare historical knowledge thereof.
2d of the 11th month.—On my first coming to this place it promised a great deal of practice, the people being then very sickly ; but in two or three weeks it was quite otherwise, few applications being made, owing to the general restoration of health, the change of diseases to be less afflicting, and perhaps, in some degree, to the second applicant’s dying who applied to me after I had settled here. His complaint was attended with great violence from the first attack, and he died in about five or six days illness, of a bilious remitting fever, somewhat analagous to what has been termed the yellow fever in Philadelphia. I here seemed but little probability df his recovering from the infection, though there might have been ways, unobserved, as there has been an intercourse by water, but very few instances occurring here, and the advanced period of the season, if so, prevented any further appearance, or his indisposition might have depended on his peculiar predisposition and habit of body. However, such was the case, that unsuccessfulness in the practice of physic, however judicious the prescriptions, or peculiar circumstances of the patient, tends to lesson the reputation of the practitioner, while recovery, under medical hands, however inadverted, multiplies his practice. A circumstance of a like kind, at my first entrance into practice in Wilmington, about four years ago, had the like effect, and was a mere contingency, while, on the other hand, my first entrance into practice in these parts, twenty odd years passed, occasioned me to be flushed therewith. When I came here, i. «., the fore part of last month, I was much straightened with respect to wood, meat, milk, &c., and expected that all such things could readily be procured with money, of which I had a sufficiency ; but, to my surprise, it was otherwise, and depending more on the courtesy of my neighbors, was gradually furnished with these requisites, so as finally to suffer very little inconvenience —now we begin to gather together fodder, wood, grain, &c., in greater abundance than we have house-room for its reception. This seemed to induce a wish to remove to some more convenient house, of which we have several in our offer; this would save the trouble of building to accommodate our friends to much better advantage, &c.; but endeavoring to dwell under it, it appears to me, from my present spiritual comprehension, to be best to be still where 1 am, and quietly put up with someseeming disadvantages—humility may be induced thereby. A very extensive field opens for rendering benefit to many of my country folks, not only in a physical capacity, but in a political and moral one also; for the lower class of citizens, especially the people of color, and such as pay small taxes, may so order their affairs, guarding against extravagance and superfluities, as to lessen considerably, till they arrive to more strength to endure them, and by certain modes and manners, qualify themselves for such places as may be profitable to posterity in their general government. The corporial diseases are so conjunct with those of the mind, that at this period of time, we are not specially to regard the organical parts as the alone seat of disease, but look beyond them to sentimental, to discover the real cause of the disorder • and when thus comprehended, to improve accordingly. The mere mechanical part of physic, “ opiferque per orbem dicor,” is best adapted to a certain class, while the far greater proportion requires at least the conjunct mode of practice, and as population increases, still more and more so.
Two public Friends, John Parish and Andrews, from Pennsylvania
and Jersey, passed along a few days since, on their way to Maryland _____
the meeting at Motherkill more very burthensome till near the close_____
that at Milford w as open, but free and forcible doctrine w as delivered in a plain and undisguised manner.
13th of the 12th month.—Since the last observations have been principally in and about home, enjoyed good health, my family also—very little practice presenting. The mind has generally been serene and tranquil, the weather for the most part cool and unclouded, except now and then attended with rain, and one little fall of snow. The winter season is more variable than formerly, and of course diseases different. The chin cough was prevalent about two weeks past up the country, and in the neighborhood of Dover. Some symptoms of its approach in this place and neighborhood now; a diligent attention to the gradual progress of diseases would bo of great advantage and worthy the examination of the philosophical as well as medical inquirer. About the 25th of the last month w as our Quarterly meeting, held at Little Creek, for the Southern Quarter; good and wholesome advice was therein delivered by our esteemed friend James Iddings; and among other things, it was enjoined on the members to be cautious of entering into light and frivolous discourses after meeting, least the mind be detracted from its proper duty, and the great and good intention of our assembling together be lost and frustrated. Yesterday, the 12th of this month, a com-mittee appointed to visit the monthly meetings, attended at Motherkill, and appeared in a good degree faithfully to discharge their several duties.
6th of the 1st month, 1800.—On the 6th of the week, and 3d of this month, (three days past) I went to Choptank bridge and the vicinity thereof, in order to transact some temporal concerns, but the next day the person at whose house I lodged, intending to go to the Nicholite monthly meeting, to which he belonged, I felt freedom to go along with him, and was admitted in among them; during the meeting of business I found a freedom to mention an impression that attended my mind while I was with them, to caution them against having anything to do with slaves, in the nature of bondage, in any manner or way— which operation on my mind, I did believe proceeded from the fountain of life, and I had comfort in going thereto, and returning from thence, distance about fifteen miles.
5th of the month and 1st of the week was at Choptank meeting. A lamentable circumstance had taken place some days past in the neighborhood with a member of Society, and during the meeting for worship, a member belonging thereto, far advanced in years, who sometimes appears in public testimony, observed he thought there was some person present whose mind was impressed with a sense of religious duty, that did not communicate it, or to that effect; a little previous thereto, that passage of the Scriptures contained in the Evangelical Writings, which directeth “ let him that hath no sword sell his coat and buy one,” Luke perhaps 22d chapter, 8th verse, was on my mind, and when the meeting separated, requested three or four of the members belonging thereto, with the person also that spoke publicly, for there were others present that were not members of Society, to come into the house, and I rehearsed what had been on my mind just before the Friend above named had spoken.
The sword alluded to seemed figuratively to imply Vigilance, and the coat but a covering; and that the condition of things required exertion, that the carnal sword was not implied, but the spiritual. I found no condemnation for w hat I said, but the way homeward, seemed open ; and on the way, the mind being at a particular time and place much humbled, insomuch that the tears fell over the cheeks plentifully, yet when overtaken by talkative persons, that sweet peace and comfort was much blunted, yet the reparation seemed ample for these little essays, towards what I deemed my duty. Having left my habitation with quitedifferent expectations, viz: the adjustment of certain outward concerns ; nevertheless, some particular parts of temporal business that appeared to need attention, closed with ease and apparent benefit by the undesigned delay.
5th day of the 2d month.—Have been for the most part in and about home, but very little practice presenting. Attended our meeting pretty regularly twice a week—the way made comfortable in the general—all kinds of weathers—being provided with clothing and all necessary conveniences—while at meeting, dull for the most part, or the mind captivated with improper cogitations; often the case during the night season at home—“ other lovers” often intruding, notwithstanding a more frequent inclination to read the Scripture, with some elucidation thereof. On the 17th of last month my wife was delivered of a male child, weak and feeble, though yet alive, and may be raised ; but the mother is unable to give it suck. At first the apprehension of raising by hand, as it is termed, seemed to give great uneasiness to both of us; yet in this and all other things ordered by Divine- appointment, there is wisdom,, and by this event, I am made to feel more sensibly for the necessities of the poor, many of whom are deprived of those conveniences and aids which we have. A poor neighboring woman, who I lightly esteemed,, because I wras apprehensive their house was disorderly, we were necessitated to call into our assistance, and the poor blacks to draw the coagulated milk from my wife’s breasts ; w hite people could not be obtained to do this disagreeable and servile business; the prospect of an abundant supply of milk was in no wise doubted by me, as my wife is of an healthy and robust constitution, and promised the fairest prospect for an abundant supply of that nutritive juice; but the “vintage fails, and the olive yields no fruit, when it pleaseth the Lord to issue his holy mandate—man must be submissive; may I be made to bow, and that willingly, to all his Divine ordinances with humility and thankfulness, in his judgment as well as mercies, saying amen, so be it.
Yesterday renewed my application to the prepaaative meeting for assistance under my difficulties—postponed.
The Society of the people called Quakers have, from their first establishment, endeavored for an accommodation of their temporal concerns, as well as religious, wfithin the pale of their owrn church. This mode I used to think was greatly to be preferred, and am still of the same mind (under particular circumstances), but in the declining and mixed state of its members, the common government, and general laws of theland, so often interferes, that orphans are sometimes wronged for want of due energy and timely attention to business, by persons concerned, and frequent mortality changing the unsettled business into new hands,, less charity in the cause of truth.
2d of the 3d month.—Since the birth of my child, my wife has been much affected with sore breasts, and unable to give a sufficient supply of milk for the infant—frequent shifting of persons to assist her—necessitated to do more of that business myself than I was accustomed to do formerly, and in the interim the small-pox introduced in the neighborhood, was solicited to inoculate several families; the neighboring physicians, anxious to introduce this complaint, and as I have several times been told of my inactivity in the medical way, and as I had reason to believe this, among other objections, was urged against me by my father-in-law, it was concluded for my wife to tarry awhile at his house with the child till it acquired more strength, and she better conditioned to assist in passing through this operation and disorder by inoculation. There appeared a willingness on the part of my father-in-law, for me to enter into this business, for a doctor, who was formerly my apprentice, had inoculated several hundred, and my father-in-law had, no doubt, calculated on the interest accruing on such business, without duly weighing its disadvantages. I have myself more serious thoughts on this business than when a young man and differently circumstanced, for now I have a considerable sum of money in the bank drawing no interest, and other concerns very interesting, which requires the closest attenr tion, and should I invite practice, and get busily engaged in it, perhaps lose more on the one hand than I should gain on the other ? Nevertheless, I concluded to make an essay, it was introduced at this place, Frederica, the practice divided among three of us. I used very little solicitation, but inoculated when called on ; generally the poorest and least like to pay most anxious to have it, while the more opulent, very careful and cautious, and very desirous to reduce the price. Interest seems to be the leading motive with all.
On my return yesterday from my father-in-law’s, I received a kick from a horse on my ankle bone, which, during the night, gave me great pain, more than I have experienced for several months, but during it I was favored with patience, and an humble mind. This day, 1st of the week, stayed at home, read sometimes in the Bible and other books to-my family, and passed the day quietly.
£9th of the 3d month.—For some weeks past have been pretty busilyengaged with patients in the small-pox; by the industry of men employed in the practice of physic, this disorder has become more general than it has been for perhaps twenty or thirty years past; the price is much reduced, and the mode of treatment so generally known, that people unacquainted with the practice of physic, undertake and have pretty good success.
As certain circumstances has very much abridged my activity, and anxiety for the practice of physic, my numbers have not been proportioned to my brethren of the same avocation. Some have undertaken for less than the general stated price, and I could not condemn their policy, for 1 being heretofore established in this place, and pretty generally welcomed on my first coming, I was fearful my business would be increased beyond my strength of body. I discovered a fear on the part of my contemporaries, and very often was flattered by my former applicants; but as I did not manifest great anxiety about business, and others doubted their diligenee, my external appearance no ways brilliant (rather insignificant) I was soon eased of this apprehended burthen, and the more lucrative families applied to others, especially when the price was reduced, and their assiduity greater. Was a few days past in Maryland, and lodged at the house of a member of the Methodist Society; there tarried a traveling preacher that night, and went through the duties required by that church ; (morning and evening prayer,) I was in audience. One night I lodged at a tavern, my business being of a temporal nature ; I was invited to the house of one of our own members, who queried with me why I took up my abode at a tavern, I replied that, as I was engaged in worldly concerns, I did not think it right to burthen my friends with my expenses, but had I been sent on business belonging to Society, should think myself warranted in so doing; and I am very much of the mind, that while men are busily engaged in buying and selling, and endeavoring to get gain, that they should be careful how they lay their expenses, especially on poorish Friends; for at such times the minds of men are apt to be outward, and very little religious instruction afforded the younger class, especially servants, who greedily catch the words, as well as the habits of their fellow-men. I have heard shrewd remarks made (on men who wore plain clothing) by the inferior order of men, whose conduct very much escaped the notice of the parlor guests. Notwithstanding, i am clearly of opinion, that a very guarded care should be taken of our discourses in public houses, least we “ defile the temple of the living God, who dwelleth within us unless we are reprobates.”This I had occasion to notice in my honest neighbor, the Methodist, for he could not stay when company came in—and I talked too much, although I endeavored to be guarded.
7th of the 5th month—About the 20th of the fourth month, or near that time, I set off for Philadelphia, principally to see the creditors of the estate of John Boon ; this being the leading motive, I did not hurry to get to the prior part of the Yearly Meeting, but waited patiently and deliberately with earnest secret prayer for right direction, expecting sometimes to set off by water, and at other times by land, opportunities offering both ways ; but as the time drew near, considering my son George, who lived at Wilmington, had not been at a yearly meeting, concluded I would contrive so as to take him with me, that he might see the order of Society, and the conducting the business of the church, where I might have a guarded care and watch over his actions, assist the cogitations of his mind, and give him right information. I proceeded, therefore, by land, and called at Wilmington, took stage the 4th of the week, with a mixed company, and coming to the commons of Philadelphia about 2 P. M., we got out of the stage, and stopping at the hospital, gave him a sight at the mansions of human distress, and proceeded into the city—was shaved at a negro barber’s in Pine-street; as I progressed along to the meeting-house, eat some raisins for dinner, and had George’s hair cut, and by that time was the hour of Friends gathering, went in, sat down stairs among the grave and more solid Friends, my son alongside of me, with pretty empty stomachs—enjoyed the solemnity of the meeting, was quiet and composed during the sitting.
As I was on the road, I had thought to have gone to an acquaintance,
Caleb B m, in tho lower part of the town, and taken up my board,
intended to pay for it, but herein I concluded if this person would not take pay, I should be embarrassed, and the connections of my former wife, with whom my difficulties seemed principally to lay, would charge we with intentionally affronting them, some of whom, being exempt from the perplexing concerns, might do so with more propriety ; and on the other hand, if I made free and did not manifest my exceptions, I should seem to act the hypocrite. As I passed by the house of one of these connections, I was asked in, and there taVied principally, (lodged) was kindly and civilly treated, was at most of these connections houses, used moderate freedom, and endeavored to support a modest independent conduct, with a thankful remembrance of all acts of favor or friendship, dipping into or fathoming the true sources from whence they mightoriginate, either as they were connected with mercy or malevolence. Thus I1 continued till the close of the meeting, endeavoring to keep my mind much as possible from improper reflections, and my body from gluttony, experiencing the most favored meetings when the stomach was not overloaded, but indeed I had that little appetite for delicacies; one day I went without my dinner, but one day also I ate rather too much, so that in the afternoon meeting I was troubled with drowsiness, but could not find freedom to go out of meeting to enliven the animal spirit One of the afternoon meetings I sat up stairs, and there I saw some misbehavior in some young men, who .appeared to be whispering and jesting, as I could perceive a kind of merriment and smiling countenance, and somewhat of shifting of seats ; but in the general, the meeting was conducted with decorum, the testimonies lively and animating, and the prospect of advancement, especially in the rising generation, favorable. The first day after the Yearly Meeting appeared like the “ gathering up of the fragments,” and was owned by members. A powerful exhortation was delivered by a woman Friend, at this day’s meeting, tending to arouse the luke-warm, and encouragement afforded by many faithful standard bearers to the cause of everlasting truth.
22d of the 4th month, and second of Jhe week, set off from the George Tavern, corner of Second and Arch streets, in the stage, with a mixed company of women and men of different descriptions, conditions, religious and political sentiments, and among the rest a man of color, (or mulatto, so called,) who sat on the front seat with the dr iver, I next him alongside of a European or Irish gentleman, (if I might judge him by his coat,) probably a judge behind us, (by his spectacles,) and a military man with his sister ; back of all, my son and some others in the stage. Thus much crowded, not room for our feet for trunks and baggage, we were to rest our bodies as well as we could by shifting sides, walking occasionally, &c. At Chester we were eased of one or two passengers, had a better stage and more roomy accommodations. Here the judge (supposed) left us. Inquiry was made by a friend, (T. S.) who was summoned to attend the court then sitting, if the judge had come—this was more confirming than the spectacles—for it seems the public were waiting for his arrival.
As an evidence of the advancement of liberty and equality in the minds of many, the Irish gentleman before noted asking for a pinch of snuff, was helped to it by the mulatto, and on returning the box, he very politely said, he thanked him, sir. Just before, the topic of cou-conversation was respecting the ^politics of the Quakers, and it was inquired by this foreigner, if the Quakers were not for a king, and it was answered that their principles would not allow them to tolerate wars and fightings, that they must endure persecution, rather than compulsory measures ; and however they might be characterized in the different governments where they resided, or individuals differed in sentiment, nevertheless, in a collective capacity, they must unite in the general principles, or not be owned by the body; and that at this yearly meeting, as a proof that they made lie distinction of color or condition, a man of color attended as a member—we got safe to Wilmington about two P. M., and that afternoon, just before sun set, my son and me set off for Concord to see my daughter, and settle and get up his indentures from his master, T. Pierce, who had not yet cancelled them; early next morning I proceeded for Honeybrook Township, the place of his residence, in Chester County, about twenty-eight miles distant beyond Downing’s Town, in the great valley, a fertile country, crops very prosperous, lands hilly, and plentifully watered, people healty, robust, and strong; his habitation had been the seat of a German commissioner, (or agent for trade,) who had been at considerable expense to improve this property, and either tired or exhausted in his funds, had left it, and sold for less (250 acres) probably than the buildings and other expenses on the premises had cost him, after several years labor; this is often the case with strangers who, by making false calculations commit gross errors ; for they apprehend the cheapness of the soil will enable them to make improvements, counting on the facility of obtaining laborers as at home, and perfecting their works, are egregiously mistaken and finally ruined; whereas, were they to purchase, and barely retain the premises for eight or ten years, many of them would gain more clear money than by busy labor, which, not being adapted to general usefulness, is so much sunk, and for which they are not allowed anything, when necessity compels them to leave it and go away.
Returned to Wilmington on fourth day evening, and was at their meeting on fifth day; set off in the afternoon, tarried all night at the
Widow R ’s, this family, collectively, appears to be the neatest and
most eligible in their general habits, conduct, and economy, I have lately or perhaps ever saw, all things considered; friendly without ostentation, comfortably accommodated without superfluity, orderly and regular, members of the Quaker Society, respectable, modest, without being medlers, ready to receive, (council) willing to distribute. Plea-santly situated in a vale near Wilmington, with mills and meadows, which they keep in good order, and are generally favored with health and necessary wealth.
5th month, 6th day of the week and 2d of the month, continued my journey traveling homewards. The day very pleasant, air invigorating, (rather cool) wind northwest, as I descended the peninsula where the earth is less covered with verdure, and the soil more sandy, the air appeared better than (at this season) in the high lands in Chester County, because the sun’s rays, acting more immediately on the warm sand produces a vapor congenial to health, which, being resisted by the grass, not suffering them so freely to pass to the earth underneath, exhales a cold vapor there; and besides, at this season, should the earth (as in low, swampy, boggy lands) emit a noxious vapor, the plentiful foliage w ould absorb it, and prevent its injuring the human respiration.
I plainly perceive, therefore, that for a small period that these parts, Kent County, and its vicinity, which, in the fall season, is so unfriendly to health, is at this time more healthy than Chester County, and in general well regulated cities and villages than country places—a due attention should be paid to warming or drying the houses in wet, damp weather.
On my way dow n I saw Bishop Coke, the principal of the Methodist church, who has lately come to America, on his second visit, having ten or twelve years ago passsed through these United States, and settled and established certain orders among their brethren in America, he returned to Europe. He was inquiring the way to Governor Bassett’s, the president of the Delaware State. I was led into a train of reflections respecting his mission—what has taken place w ith this Society— their motives, policy, and religious performances—the changes the Society had undergone, and effects that might hereafter succeed, for I had attended to them in their first setting out, and endeavored to contrast their religious principles and conduct with the people called Quakers, and have concluded that the distinction of these tw'o sects differed more materially than most people generally imagined. I have known some of them, including preachers or teachers, on the first spreading of the Methodist doctrine, apparently very much opposed to war during the Revolution with Great Britain, who are now, perhaps, the most forward in military measures.
On the 7th of the week and 4th of the month got safe home to my habitation at Frederica, to the natural joy of myself and family, all in tolerable health—blessed be the Lord therefor.The weather has been moderate, attended with frequent showers, and sometimes considerable quantity of flux of sulpher let fall from thunder clouds, and in one instance it was general from Choptank in Maryland, to Philadelphia, but was not very observable in the high lands of Chester County; it is probable the clouds were attracted more by the river Delaware and sea shore—this has rendered the earth very fertile, especially the leaves of trees hereabout, which look uncommonly green.
How beautifully is nature displayed in her wonderful works, and how worthy the (moderate) researches of human beings, especially such as are favored with the blessings of Providence, and who share largely of his provident hand, and to whom much time is allowed, (free from servile and hard labor) to procure the mere necessaries of life, and its scanty support, which is the case with the inferior conditions of men ?
Surely methinks the superfluities of the rich, ah, even those of our own Society, would supply the necessities of the poor, and wras every family to enumerate those things they had about them in their persons, houses, and appendages that might, without doubt, be readily dispensed with, how large would the funds be for the benefit of the poor and needy.
Yesterday, 1st of the month and 3rd of the week, was our preparative meeting for Motherkill, where the queries were read and answered previous to the monthly meeting next quarter. I renewed my application for Friends’ assistance, referred to the former committee, had some conversation with them, though more individually than collectively; nothing material done, and it still lays over wdthout being properly brought under the notice of the meeting.
28th of the 5th month.—Attended the Quarterly Meeting at Little Creek yesterday and the day preceding. At the meeting for business it was more still and quietly collective than for several Quarterly Meetings past, no particular imputation to charge myself with as burthensome and oppressive ; a pretty general charity and good-will to mankind, even towards some whom my mind has-not been united for some time past. The young people, at the close of the meeting for wmrship particularly, w’cnt out in great numbers; I was out also ; did not stay beyond my necessity, and therefore had no condemnation, but felt the hints given on that occasion with great acquiescence and pleasure.
The preceding part of the youths’ meeting seemed very heavy and oppressive, but at the close highly favored; meeting much crowded. There was a circumstance which might have tended to this discompo-sure in a degree; being seated under the gallery for want of sufficient room, I left my seat for my father-in-law to occupy, supposing it to be but good manners, as he seemed to be straightened and crowded in a place where a man, who came in afterwards, whom I apprehend M as overtaken with liquor, seated himself next me, from his frequent coughing, his breath and benumbed state, &c. ; his hair was gray, and reflecting on his condition, the place of worship, &c., for aw hile made me uneasy that 1 had resigned my place even to my father-in-law^, remembering that, on a particular occasion, previous to my marriage to his daughter, as we w ere riding along the road to this meeting-house, some people, women as well as men, w hose carriage wras out of order, and they stopped in a muddy road, I offered to get out and walk, and let the woman take my place, but he hurried on, and said, “Never mind, they will get along,” or some like expression, and so hastily left them to shift for themselves. Thus, when I had got into disagreeable company, I recollected the before-mentioned circumstance, and concluded if I had kept my seat, I should not have been thus burthened, but sat easy and quiet, and perhaps my father-in-law would have furnished himself, or been furnished, with a suitable seat; for I found afterwards he did not occupy the one I left for him, but another.
It may seem trivial to mention such circumstances ; but when it is considered that the industrious bee lights on a variety of flowers, and some apparently offensive, yet collects sweetness; that a dead carcass mixing w ith the earth, by its putrefaction and combining with the surrounding elements, greatly forwards the growth of sweet-smelling herbage and flowers, &c., and that we may, by diligent and close attention, derive advantage and instruction from these things, that, at first sight, seem to have “no good in them.” When I have observed the miserly, morose, and callous-hearted men’s estates, in succeeding generations converted into seminaries of usefulness and pious purposes, and the economical and hard-earnings of industry spent in prodigality, I am ready to conclude the fallibility of human nature affords a useful and beneficial speculation, and that the atoms of which the world is made, may be magnified into immensity, and this again analyzed into an atom, that the good and the bad, the clean and the unclean, all add to the glory of God, for he made them, in the first instance, perfect, and their deviation is not to be ascribed to his benign attributes. “ He hath made man upright, but they have sought out many inventions.”
Will not these considerations tend greatly to humble the self-righteousman, and let him see that it is God’s works, and not man’s, that tends to the exaltation and honor of the Deity, and that man has nothing to boast of but his infirmities, and his dependence, through the mercies of God, in the mediation of Jesus Christ, for his support and security in time or eternity. The meeting was visited by some Jersey friends ; several women crossed the water in a small and not comfortable boat, to attend this Quarterly Meeting, and speedily returned. True friendship, performed in gospel love, is like the “ precious ointment,” not only emollient and softening, but sending forth an agreeable smell and grateful odor to the spiritual senses.
The wrords of caution much used by the ministering friends were, “ Watch and pray,” and that always, and for the virgins to trim their lamps.
N. B.—I carried W’ith me my son Thomas, aged about eight years, who behaved pretty well, and remarked, of his own accord, that one friend spoke good.
24th of the 6th month, 1800—Since the last notes I have experienced various states and conditions of mind, and, in general health of body. For two days my mind seemed in a celestial quietude, and inclining much to the child-like state ; it was succeeded by ordinary disquietudes, home, for the most part, very agreeable, but little practice ; being frequently away prevents that necessary attention thereto that adds to its increase.
About the 12th went up the country with Ann Mifflin, the relict of the well-known Warner Mifflin, who purposes to reside with her ancient mother in Philadelphia, and who requested a certificate of the monthly meeting for that purpose.
On our w'ay, the locusts we discovered wrere very numerous, and their continual noise was often an interruption to conversation ; even in the city they w'ere plentiful. My stay was short; I went Out of the city next morning, {first day) only staying one night there, and intended to get to Darby meeting. When I came near to Darby Town, I seemed desirous of being rightly directed by the True Teacher, and in the secret of my mind begged to be instructed aright. If I understood my Master’s teachings, I felt most easy to proceed on without stopping at the meeting, which I thought strange,fori very rarely omit attending Friends’ meetings when from home; but, however, in this instance, I seemed to have no leading duty, and after passing the bridge a few paces in a narrow place, I met a poor negro man with the small-pox all full in his face,and greatly fatigued with walking, who informed me he had travelled from Baltimore, and was making for Philadelphia, destitute of money, and no one would take him in. I gave him a little money, and advised him to refrain from spirituous liquors, use a vegetable diet, and cool drinks as beer, &c., and then I proceeded on, contemplating the condition of this black man’s case. I considered I had, through the dispensations of Providence, by whose goodness my heart was tendered towards one of my fellow-creatures in distress, done, and perhaps received, more good, than if I had gone to meeting, or been kindly received and well entertained by some wealthy friend; but had 1 turned aside but a few minutes before, or stayed any later, I should not likely have seen this object of distress. Thus I have often experienced that by attending strictly to the motions of truth in my own heart, I have been enabled to see the amazing condescension of Divine Goodness in ordering all things aright.
Some years ago, as I was passing by Derby, from Philadelphia to Wilmington, without any intention of stopping, and in my own mind in a very great hurry, I was detained near twenty-four hours, and when released beheld the amazing providence of God in his dealings with the children of men. Oh ! may I be duly attentive at all times to his shuttings and openings.
I was at West Town boarding-school, left my son Thomas, greatly approved of the order, decorum, and general management; returned to the farm-house tavern, dined and fed my horse, proceeded to my much esteemed friend Samuel Painter’s, took leave of my daughter, got to Wilmington, lodged there, and proceeded next day to Duck Creek; lodged at S. Mitchell’s ; it rained heavily during the night; proceeded on to Dr. Robert Cook’s, whose sister was in a state of derangement, affected since the Methodist Conference, which was held at the last mentioned place a short time ago. At these meetings there is great noise and shoutings; even the children, it is said, speak, and the wise and the foolish virgins, the learned and the illiterate, the black and the white, and even the Governor of Delaware, it is reported, spoke publicly. Was he not like David, when he danced before the ark, and even his wife displeased at him, when she said “ he was like one of the foolish fellows shamelessly uncovering himself?” but he reproved her, and observed “that he would become more vile, and will be base in mine own sight. (See 2 Samuel, chap. iv. 22.) Is not this the case with our President, who, tasting of divine comforts at these heavenly banquets, manifested himself uncovered in the eyes of the religious critics as afool. Some sixteen or eighteen years ago, after the death of my father, I consulted him as an attorney, when he lived in an indifferent house, about two miles from Dover, previous to the death of his wife. He observed to me, that previous to his embracing religion, many people visited him in a friendly way, who “ now turned aside.” He had family prayer, and his house seemed orderly. For many years past we have not been very intimate, in consequence of my being frequently away, and having no occasion to call upon him in a professional character.
On the afternoon of this day there fell a very heavy shower, (18th of the month) more water appeared in the roads than is usual in the winter time, the wind was from E. N. E., and the air cool; notwithstanding, I rode facing the w'ind and rain, and was considerably wet—my mind was composed, and it was not uncomfortable in comparison to a troubled mind, in a clear sunshining and pleasant day ; for I had accomplished, in a good measure, my purposes in going up the country, and rather beyond my expectations, had not loitered or mispent my time as I knew of, and was doing the best I could in the complicated state of my affairs, ami, therefore, whether they turn out well or ill, I hope to possess an approved conscience.
On the 20th the real estate of John Boon was sold agreeable to the notice heretofore given ; many people seemed disposed to buy, if they could have got the property at an inferior value ; there were, however, but few that bid. This morning it was cold enough to set by a fire, and last night, 19th, still more so.
25th of the month.—Air filled with foggy vapor, and unwholesome. 26th, morning, atmosphere clearer of fog than for several mornings past, wind Bk merid., shifted to S. E., this brings the vapor from the sea, and when at E., at this season of the year, is often productive of dry weather; the air is unusually invigorating, the sun hot, and its rays very beneficial to animal and vegetable life—a fine active wind—animal spirits high, and free from oppression—not as in dull weather.
7th day, the 28th of the month—very pleasant and good air, but warm, especially in the afternoon. Yesterday was a day of deep distress and perplexity to my mind. I endeavored to abstain from much animal food during the excessive hot weather, and rather eat in the evening than mid-day.
19th of the 7th month.—On the 11th of this month I was at Duck Creek monthly meeting, one of the Committee appointed by the Quar-terly Meeting, for the purpose of establishing a school, under the direction of said Quarterly meeting. On the 15th attended the opening of the monthly meeting at North YVest Fork Bridge, by the appointment of said Quarter, with my friends, Daniel Milllin and William Dal-by, of our monthly meeting.
The day preceding being our monthly meeting, and the distance considered too great to get there without too much fatiguing our creatures, the roads being very sandy thereabouts—the weather warm, it was proposed to omit attending the monthly meeting at Motherkill, on account of our appointments—the place of collecting was at Thomas Stroud’s, at nine A. M. ; my neighbor, Preston Goodwin, who was formerly a Nicholite, having a desire to go down and see his friends, proposed to go in company; we accordingly joined our horses to the carriage, and rode together, and got there by the time appointed. After waiting about one hour our friends came — a mixed conversation ensued, and the mind was not enough on the watch—lightness came in—continued on, dined at S. Lewis’s—it rained pretty plentifully there—proceeded to Elisha Dawson’s, a newly received Friend, and a man of a very circumspect conduct and conversation; here, also, some of us were too light, frothy and not enough stayed, considering the important business we w ere upon. Next day, 16th, during the sitting of the meeting for worship, I wras oppressed and without comfort, and during the meeting of business not much better. The meeting was settled, a clerk appointed, &c., and after meeting we (M. and P. G.) returned a different route homewards, dined at James Wright’s, and lodged at Jesse Hubbert’s; the evening was very cold for the season—there had had been a fall of hail in those parts the evening before.
As 1 had been remiss in my duty the preceding day, and not enough watchful on the morning thereof, 1 attributed the excessive burthen-someness of my sitting to be ow ing to that cause, my earnest desire was that I might be more circumspect, and having less subject of conversation during the evening, 1 enjoyed a quietude, and a night of sweet repose, with a thankful remembrance in the morning, very different from several mornings before, and left the family peaceably, and thankful to them for their kindness and civility towards us. The way home was agreeable, conversation mostly coupled with fear; on the way overtook a Methodist teacher or preacher, with whom I had conversation respecting their peculiar mode of worship, its origin and operation; his observations were pertinent, aniLwe parted in friendship, after ridingseveral miles together. He observed he was educated in the Presbyterian faith, and not convinced by the Methodists, but alone apprehended their ways were right, and joined himself to them in process of time ; that there had been a shouting where he had preached a few days past, and that one person, after very great external emotions, had testified of the grace of God to the conversion of her soul—that he knew the time and place when this divine operation was dispensed to him, &c. Being asked respecting certain distinguished characters, as Pilmore* Coke, and others, he seemed to be but little acquainted with them, but declared his object was the salvation of his own soul and the good of others.
13th of the 8th month.—Yesterday was our monthly meeting. William Jackson, a worthy member and minister, was there—imparted, at the close of the meeting for worship, solid and encouraging counsel to an oppressed seed, desiring them to keep humble, and to attend diligently to divine teachings, and in the meetings of business to be careful to move only under the cross, and to guard against unfruitful buddings ; assisted in correcting the summary of reports to the two first queries, intended to be forwarded the ensuing quarter, to be held at Third Haven this month.
17th of the 9th month.—It has been my earnest desire to be rightly directed by unerring wisdom, but such seems to be the unsettled state of my external affairs, and the agitation of my mind, that I seem at times like a wave of the sea, whose billows are constantly rolling over. If this be the dispensation of Providence meted out for me, I must submit ; if it is owing to my own instability, I pray God, of his infinite goodness and mercy, to put me right; but as I have asked counsel in the secret of my mind, and felt impressions which I believe proceeded from the fountain of light and life, it is my belief that my “ runnings” are not altogether in my own “ willings-”
My family is removed to my father-in-law’s, Garret Sipples, since some time in the preceding part of last month; and as I had business in Maryland, I proceeded to the Quarterly Meeting at Easton by way of Denton, but there being a confusion amongst the militia, which engaged the attention of my attorney, I had but little opportunity of consulting him. Some claims for fees of non-suits were demanded, and pretty much of a stagnation with respect to any favorable progression in the state business. Clouds after clouds seems to arise, some large, others small, and when they form a junction, either to be dispersed, or produce a violent hurricane.I being one of the representatives to the Quarterly Meeting, and also* one of the school committee, who were to meet on the 7th day preceding, attended. On the first day, there was a considerable concoyrse of people, but the anxiety for hearing words among the mixed multitude felt oppressive to me. Next day, previous to entering on business, while the members were in a more select capacity, I thought I felt much more comfortable than the day preceding ; many subjects were opened and acted on, but the business respecting the quarterly school seemed to claim the greatest concern.
The day following (called the youths’ meeting) I seemed so bur-thened that I went out and sat under a tree, endeavoring to get from under words into silence, and sat pretty quiet awhile, but was afterwards disturbed by people’s walking around ; went in, was not edifiedr though many might have been much comforted, for there was a great deal said.
On my first going down, my mind was unusually calm and quiet, anxiously desirous of being freed from much conversation, especially of a worldly nature, and I experienced sweet peace—people kind and friendly, yet I think I have seen the necessity of being ensnared by too sumptuous provisions and entertainments, and in some families more victuals cooked than necessary, and too much pains taken to feed the-body.
The indisposition of our child (whooping-cough) prevented my wife, who was also a representative, from going down ; found her pretty well on my return; child much better; returned to Choptank a few days after I got home, in order to purchase a piece of land that was offered for sale, near to the property which belonged to the estate of John Boon, the better to adjust those difficult concerns whenever they came to a close; but as the owner declined having the sale public, and it being meeting day, I felt my mind engaged to attend, and after the meeting for worship broke up, (it was their meeting of conference, making part of their preparative meeting) I mentioned that though the meeting was small, there being but three men Friends except myself, and two women, I thought it felt rather pleasanter than some time past, when I used to attend there. A little time after, an aged Friend, J. W., arose in great (seeming) ecstacy, expressed himself with a very great trem-bling, that he never saw such clouds and dreadful appearances, and that, though some might apprehend the clouds beginning to break, it would be very heavy, 1 think he intimated, on some present, and con-eluded with u Lord, have mercy on us.” After meeting 1 went to B. Chance’s ; after dinner a writ was served on me for a considerable amount, a debt assumed by my wife, due from her former husband, during her widowhood, for which I was sued, and that by members of Society living in Philadelphia. How this business will wind up, seems difficult for me to determine, being exceedingly complicated, and connected with various circumstances that may lead into a labyrinth of perplexity.
On my return, I found my wife very much disordered; she was confined near two weeks in a very dangerous way ; I was somewhat indisposed myself, and a few days ago heard of the death of one who had been a faithful servant to me, and who, but a lew w^eeks before, had all the marks of good health. So soon are we removed from time to an awful eternity!
I was revolving in my mind the observations of this ancient friend, and contrasting them with my ow n feelings, querying whether his sensations were appertenant to me or mine, or whether my own were delusive. In such instances, we may be too apt to bring things relating to greater matters to our owrn conditions, which are not meant for us, and read the Book of Revelation improperly.
18th of the 10th month.—I have been in Philadelphia and Chester county since the date of the last notes, for the most part in bodily health myself, yet not altogether free from complaints. It is a season of the year when most people are afflicted hereaway with bilious and fall complaints, the causes heretofore somewhat hinted at, and the chin-cough has been more general through the summer and fall than for a considerable number of years past. The intermitting fevers have prevailed in Wilmington more than ever they have before, although it has been a remarkable dry summer here, yet I apprehend it has not been so lar to the north and east, and that probably this winter may be severely cold from the now great fall of rains to chill the earth.
My mind has been in a measure pretty quiet, and a guarded care to restrain the impetuosities thereof in the mixed companies 1 have lately been in, even at taverns, where my necessary business calls me, I find a stillness that affords comfort when a proper watchfulness is kept up. On my return to Kent, some symptoms of a dysentery attending me, 1 went to Frederica for two days, w hich going off, I returned to my father-in-law’s, G. S., and have been there since. During this interval at Frederica, I was in my room partly alone, lest if tlie complaint shouldbe of that kind that I might communicate it to my wife and child, or the rest of the family, which was increased since my absence from a particular circumstance. Previous to my setting off, I disposed of my horse, and have since been without one ; have visited some patients since my return, and particularly a young woman, who died yesterday, the 22d, after a short illness. The speedy separation was somewhat unexpected to me and others, though the disorder had the marks of great violence, yet it was not thought her close would be altogether so soon. It is said she expressed herself somewhat in this wise, “ that she could not think of dying, or be of the mind it would be so this observation was made in consequence of some persons present preparing her clothing in case of death, and she inquiring w'hat they were providing them for, was answered in this way. I saw her but a very short time before she expired, and contemplating on the uncertainty of life, and how mankind are deceived in themselves and others writh respect to this great and important change, how it behoveth us to stand in readiness, that “ our calling and election” may be sure. I wras at the boarding-school in Chester county, and sat the meeting on the first day with the masters and scholars; it w as a pretty sight, good order and decorum were observed, the children were generally in health; tho managers were about to erect an infirmary to receive the sick in case of diseases prevailing amongst the children; they have lately had an iron rod to guard the house from being struck with lightning, as some time past there wras such a heavy gust that one of the children was disordered in his nerves by the excessive shock, which it is said was very tremendous, and struck near hand to the house. It appears probable to me, that some years ago, many Friends would not have submitted to this kind of protection, but would rather have thought it impious, not considering thunder and lightning as the natural operation of the elements, like heat and cold, so that the pure principles of philosophy, like their religion, (Quakers I mean,) may spread through society till it operates on the whole.
I still remain, as to worldly concerns, at a stand, not making much progress as to acquisition, dull, and almost inactive as to exertion in business, and this kind of restraint seems to be fastened on me, like fetters, not easily shaken oflf. My children by my first wife are all pretty well provided for, and the one by my last as much so as the nature of the case will admit, and as to myself, I have plenty of food and raiment, and not only so, but money also ; wrhy then be dissatisfied ? Itrust I am not much so, at least not more than the nature of my case requires; yet there are those of my friends and acquaintances that would have me more busily employed, to be ostensible active, as they term it, making a more ample provision for old age and posterity; but my experience has heretofore taught me that “ Paul may plant and Apollos water, but it is God only that giveth the increase,” for I have long experienced that those projects, or seemingly well digested plans, that I had undertaken in my own wisdom and understanding, have been in a remarkable manner frustrated, so that it remains for me to be attentive to this inward monitor, and singly to eye this divine Instructor, “ that teacheth as never man taughtby this means I shall have infallible counsel, for what man appoints God often disappoints, for the wisdom of man is foolishness when compared with the wisdom of God. It may be necessary that outward poverty, apparent distress, tribulations, vexations, &c., should attend the conditions of certain men, and also that plenty, riches, dignity, and honor another class, and all tend to the glory of God, and in fact to their own immediate benefit.
28th of the 11th month.—Since the preceding observations, I have been in Maryland about the 12th, in order to see if any mode could be fallen on more effectually to extricate me from the difficulties I am involved in respecting the estate of John Boon, for after my return from Philadelphia, and opening the state of things to our preparative meeting, I had special and plain conversation with G. S., my father-in-law, and have reason to believe it is his fixed determination not to give any assistance, either directly or indirectly, in my arduous difficulties, therefore 1 have thought it necessary to look to my own resources (under Providence) in cases of extremity, and to arrange my affairs so as to meet them, as they may come on the plan being, first to endeavor to keep within the discipline of Society, and at the same time to guard against out-door proceedings as carefully as though no stress was laid on Society, because I am of the opinion, generally speaking, that interest (self-interest) is the leading principle among mankind, not only among the irreligious and infidel characters, but among the most zealous professors of the Christian name. Holding that as a maxim, I have my eye attentive to its operations as far as I can discern them.
In order therefore to try the force of our discipline, which speaks plain, “ 2d Query—Does love and unity subsist among us as becomes the followers of Jesus Christ,” &c., and 9th ditto—“ Do you regularly deal with all offenders,” &c,., I have travelled on from individualsthrough the preparative and monthly meetings, and returned back and forward again, frequently reminding them of my besetment, and craving assistance, pointing out the modes that appear to me rational, consistent, and entirely within reach, (now)^nd precautioning against the time when it may be too late. Thus, while the answer to the second query was deliberating on, after a solemn pause in my own mind, I ventured to open to the Quarterly Meeting my peculiar situation, with an intention that the thing might be known, and without expecting any redress from friends in that collected capacity; the application was spoken to as untimely, by George Churchman, who with Reeves, as strangers, had attended the sitting of the Quarter, and in their testimonies gave good advice, as also our friend James Iddings, who was lengthy in his discourse, and quick to rise after our friend B. Reeves had sat down. His early rising after the ministry of our last mentioned Friend, seemed pleasant to my inward man, if I may be allowed the expression, though to my natural senses exceptionable. This is the great matter if we can be favored to discern aright, t. e. true judgment.
12th month.—Still at my father-in-law’s, G. S. ; very little to do in practice; the mind is acted on in various way, sometimes tranquil, frequently disquieted, generally attendant on the meetings for worship and discipline, though they are for the most part dull and heavy, .small on week days in particular. I had for some considerable time past, a budding disposition of mind to be at Milford and Cold Spring meetings, and about the 20th of this month, our friend Samuel Howell spoke to me to go and meet two Friends at North Westfork meeting, who were coming around to our particular meeting, and on con sidering my disjointed situation, not having much to do, I readily agreed to accompany them through the forest; accordingly I set oir <on the 4th day, the 24th of the month, and calling at Milford meeting, sat with them, and gave some information of the Friends’ expected visit, stayed at Elizabeth Wright’s, and was at Cold Spring meeting next day, and the day following reached William Melona’s, about twelve miles from North Westfork, and that evening the two Friends above alluded to, namely, John Hall, from England, and Phillip Price, his companion, from Chester county, came there. They had a family sitting after supper ; the family was pretty large, and some neighbors came in. It has been sometimes the case that a meeting has been held here by traveling Friends. John Hall in his observations made mention of the “ lillies among the thorns, and polished stones inthe palace,” and that he wished their preservation in that “ dark corner.” Philip Price expressed a few words respecting faithfulness to so* “ good a Lord,” and desired for their welfare. Next day, at Cold Spring, (the 1st of the week) John Hall spoke of perfection from “ all sin,’’ not only in deed, but thought; the day following at Milford, respecting true ministry and the proper mode of worship. They lodged that evening at my father-in-law’s, Garret Sipples. Two days before it had been very warm for the season, and now very cold. Third day of the week, (the day in course for Motherkill meeting) pretty general information having been spread of the Friends attending, many people of different religious denominations attended, and after sitting a considerable time in silence, he, in a weighty manner, delivered his testimony in a close and searching way, adverted to the state of Sodom that was destroyed by fire and brimstone from heaven, of Noah’s building the ark, and that the people were not attentive to the u sound of the hammer” in that day, and concluded with reminding that confession w as required in the case of Achan, “ lest a worse evil befal thee j” was vocal at Little Creek, but silent at Duck Creek, as I was informed.
lsth month, 1801.—On the 4th of this month (1st of the w*eek) I received information from Samuel Howell of intelligence from Philadelphia from the overseer, signed Daniel Drinker and Jonathan Evans in behalf of the others, respecting the complaint I made against S. and M, Fisher for bringing a suit against us (myself and wife) contrary to the rules and regulations of Society, part or abstract whereof I copied and showed to Skidmore Wilson, who had delivered my letter to Ellis Yarnaly respecting that business. They there advised the discontinuance of the suit, and gave direction to the overseers of Motherkill meeting how to proceed, and their advice therein with caution, &(T. The 6th wras our preparative meeting ; no public mention made thereof. On the 7th was at Frederica; a very pleasant, quiet, and calm disposition of mind, and much resigned early in the morning ; more in the commotion going to* Milford; was late at meeting, but did not set off entirely for that purpose, and dull during the sitting, owing to the w*ant of due preparation, I believe it was their preparative meeting day ; only three male members belong to that particular meeting, and about as many females there. This makes heavy work for a few hands. On the 8th, at G. S’. very quiet and composed, the night rainy, and the morning also, though likely to clear up. I am much of the opinion that my father-in-lawthinks I am a lazy fellow, and that I ought to be more attentive to wordly concerns, for he observed that Chester had not provided much for old age, which I rather took as a hint for myself; but it was much on my mind of God’s “ care for the ravens,” and if he provideth for the grass, which is to-day, and to-morrow cast into the oven, how much more will he provide even for those of little faith. O Lord, Almighty Father, be pleased to strengthen mine, and add thereto knowledge.
6th of the 3rd month.—I continued at my father-in-law’s. Since the last observations nothing material to note, till about the 22d of last month, the time of the Southern Quarterly Meeting at Thirdhaven. I was contemplating what to do, as 1 had many outward difficulties to encounter with in the State of Maryland, and not being appointed to attend the Quarterly Meeting as a representative, it was a matter of some moment to be inquired into what I ought to do ; no temporal concern that I knew of actually required my staying at my place of abode, and no impulsive duty that I could see compelled my going to the Quarter. I seemed to have, as far as I could comprehend, liberty to go or stay, as I thought fit. If I did not go, some people might say I kept away to prevent their having an opportunity to settle with me; if I went, and was sued, as I had been sometime before when there, my father-in-law might say I went on purpose to get into dilficulties I could avoid ; thus I was several days preponderating, and finally concluded to go, endeavoring to keep my mind as much composed as possible, and to ask divine support under every trying circumstance. On the 22d day of the 2d month, I was at Greensborough meeting ; it was very small, and not uncomfortable to me ; my passage for the most part to Quarter agreeable, and the meeting pretty satisfactory; very little public ministry; some parts of the business rather tedious ; the reading of two memorials, namely, Warner Mifllin’s and James Harris’s, instructive, and I believe useful. Thomas Baldwin, from Bradford monthly meeting, was there, and in the youths’ meeting, in particular, gave good advice. I had had for some time past a desire to be at some of the meetings formerly called Nicholite, and among the families of that people, now united to the Friends ; and this elder and minister, with his companion Benjamin Cope, going among them, I took an opportunity, with their consent, to accompany them, and had very great comfort of mind, and was greatly edified thereby ; for some days my spirits were reverently bowed, and when a degree of innocent freedom in conversation on temporal things was entered upon, I did not find condemnation. The most material pointurged by way of doctrine from our aforesaid friend, was a strict attention to the principles of duty within whereby to improve in true religion.
I was with the before-mentioned Friends at the following meetings, namely, Choptank, Bayside, Tuckahoe, North Westfork, and Center. The two first were small, but very few members belonging thereto. The three last used to be denominated Nicholite meetings. My mind was in the general serene, and particularly while in the families of these people; their habits and manners were for the most part simple, their dress plain; they w ere very kind to us, and what seemed to afford comfort to my mind, was the hopeful prospect of very many of their (now) young people being in future an ornament to Society in sobriety, temperance, and godly sincerity.
This day, the 6th, an appointed meeting was held at Motherkill for Nathan Hunt, a celebrated minister. After some time sitting in silence, the solemnity w as first broke by Ann Ferris, to wife of John Ferris, of Wilmington, who expressed her exercise of some state like that of Moses, “ who chose rather to suffer afiliction with the people of God, than endure the pleasures of sin for a season.” He soon after rose, and enlarged on the same subject, being very pointed in his observations, and seemed very closely to follow the state or states of the meeting, though it was small, and the inclemency of the day had prevented even the attendance of many of the particular members that belonged thereto. He stepped along, as Job Scott noted, “ from stone to stone,” and searched out secret and hidden things; though he expressed himself in great simplicity, he was sharp against unrighteousness, but truly sympathetic, and greatly encouraging to the tender and innocent ones, again and again repeating his earnest desire for those little ones, that they might not cast aw ay the shield of faith, but grow stronger and stronger, till they put to flight the armies of the aliens, and that the house of David might wax stronger and stronger, and that of Saul weaker and weaker, spiritualizing in a remarkable manner many of the passages of holy writ. Next day the aforesaid Friend had a meeting in Dover; it being the Methodist Quarterly Meeting, but few persons attended ; the meeting was held in the Court House. The day following, the 1st of the week, at Milford ; the 2d day at Cold Spring, and the 3rd day at William Melona’s, in the forest of Sussex county. I was with the Friend and his companion, a young man from Philadelphia parish, at these several places ; he spoke at most or all of them for a considerable time, strenuously urging an attention to the inward principle oflight, and endeavored to explain, by many scripture passages, that the time had now come when the types and ceremonies, as circumcision, water, baptism, and such like, were not available, but pointed to a more substantial and thorough washing than the outward filth of the flesh, recommending them, in an earnest and pathetic manner, to think and reason for themselves, to avoid improper gestures, noises, lamentations, &c., as he intimated was the case with some, asserting that that was not the right way ; was very tender and afiectionate, declaring that the free gift was to all, as many as would come might come ; and in his ministry at Cold Spring, observed that he had seen meetings where the floor was wet w ith tears, but without noise and tumult; his allusions were to the eastward; he had travelled as far as the province of Maine, and wras a resident of North Carolina, and remarked in his ministry, that he considered the present as a very critical time both with respect to religion and politics : he took a very kind and affectionate leave of me at William Melona’s, I inclining rather to return^ than proceed further, as I had lately been at the meetings he was about to attend. I had a peace of mind, and Providence graciously vouchsafed1 amply to supply my outward necessities.
5th day of the 5th month.—Time of writing. Very little practice, being in part out of the way, and no prevailing epidemic; I do little in that line. When the mind is over-charged w ith meditation, sappy, or unpleasant, I employ my body in active labor; this produces an appetite, makes sleep comfortable, and like rain to a parched soil, produces new vigor. I then read, write,- or attend to the most momentous concerns. If I apprehend I have a particular draft to any person or place, I endeavor to weigh the matter, search for a clear and manifest discernment, and when 1 think that it is plain and required, I proceed as truth opens the way, and these requisitions seems very often materially different from common observation, not immediately connected with human understanding and natural reason. “ I am what I am,” said the Almighty Power, and this inscrutable mystery unfolds to obedient man its divine mandates in such a marvellous manner, as to satisfy the soul of the individual, when perhaps it has not (that is, the soul) a given power to reconcile tho mind to another, which makes inquiry, not from the foutain of life, but a distant cistern.
Thus anxious man, wise men, (so called as to worldly wisdom) remain entirely ignorant of that knowledge that is “ revealed to babes in Christ,” and because the natural curiosity cannot be gratified, and un-'willing to give up that selfish knowledge, they remain ignorant of what they ought truly to know.
Some interruptions have prevented my attendance at our own particular meeting with constancy, being sometimes absent. Last preparative meeting I was named as a representative to the monhtly meeting, and attended, but was exercised with the bare rehearsal of the formal way of meetings being kept up since last account, and pretty well attended, except on week days, &c., knowing the situation that I stood in with respect to my father-in-law, S. and M. Fisher, James Boon, and the unpleasant situation of things, under which I have been so long struggling, and seemingly unavailingly, and that things appear to grow rather worse and worse, more like an earthquake or volcano, tornado or hurricane, that is hushed, and a solemn calm, just before the violent eruption.
On the 14th of last month, I received a line from S. H. with information of the overseers’ conclusion, i. e., S. H. and IV. D., nothing mentioned of G. S., one of the overseers also ; he seems out of the book of
reckoning, lie advised me to go to P , Philadelphia. It very
much agitated my mind, and I finally concluded it would be best for me to go, for though I could not say I could see any religious duty calling me to the yearly meeting, 1 had no inclination to hear the debater in the House of Representatives ; no nomination to attend, no anxiety after what particular manner things might be carried on in the outward court, believing, firmly believing, that the Almighty has espoused his own cause, and that he will carry through, amidst all human opposition, the great cause of truth, ‘‘though the sea roar, and Jordan is driven back,” though many faint and grow weary, yet his power endureth for ever,
and his mercy for ever and ever.”
Thus, after opening to my father-in-law, G. S., some matters in this business, which, in an ecstacy, I compared, to the political works of a foreign court, said it seemed to me like Talleyrand’s affair of X, Y, and Z, and in the afternoon of that day, namely, the 14th of the 4th month, 1 set otT, got to Camden, lodged at Daniel Mifflin’s, had dis course with him op the complicated business, went next morning to Samuel Howell’s and proceeded on with him to Duck Creek, got to their meeting, though rather late; James hidings, towards the close of the meeting, spoke very movingly on the fortitude of Caleb and Joshua, who brought a good report respecting the land of promise, and of those who brought discouragements in the way, and made some animadversions onJ
those who had lost their first love, and was growing cold and indifferent ; proceeded that evening to John Register’s, was received kindly, he being indisposed; got some information respecting the busines of
F and El , and also received much instruction in various ways on
the weakness of human nature, power and principles of matrimony, &c.; had a very comfortable night’s rest, tumultuous state much suspended, earnestly desired to be rightly directed, way opened, as I apprehended, with clearness to proceed upwards, continued on with a serene, quiet and grave mind towards Cantewell’s Bridge ; on the road I seemed particularly turned to John Irons’s, not of inclination, and to save travelling expenses, for I had plenty of money, but duty pointing that way I yielded obedience, and finding the family removed from his place of abode, and his wife at David Wilson’s, I stopped there; when I went in, I learned that S. H., J. R. and others had gone on, and she was said to be dangerously ill; I asked leave to see her, and after giving her information I was admitted into the room. As soon as I entered the chamber-door, it seemed to me as if I had a sense that she would recover, and being afraid to exercise my physical comprehension, made but little inquiry, but informed her of my sense of feeling, and presently the attending physician coming in, (after dinner) he asked and seemed disposed politely to confer with me, ssiying he had some knowledge of me when a young man. I felt a check in my mind prohibiting free conversation, and answered him .agreeable to my sensation, which, I observed to him, must appear rather ridiculous, unless he fully understood the true Quaker principles, and concluded the brief discourse by recommending simple remedies, believing it was the will of Divine Providence to raise her from the bed of sickness.
4th month.—I could here enter a field of physical observations on the manners and practices of men professing the healing art, their various devices, uncertain systems, motives, duties, &c., but time and space will not admit, suffice it to say, I was very willing to be accounted a fool by this man and this family, and felt perfectly easy as to their opinion of me, apprehending I had in some measure discharged the religious duty required of me, though in the cross. I proceeded onwards after dinner, and had some private conversation with David Wilson respecting * *, got to Thomas Stapler’s at White Clay Creek, or Stanton ; after night came several of the E'riends formerly called Nicholites, as Anthony Wheatley, Hatfield Wright, and others; it began to rain pretty heavily, lodged comfortably with Anthony Wheatley, and during the night, as Iwas pretty much awake, contemplating on various subjects, came to a conclusion to send my silk stockings to an old friend in the neighborhood, for on a serious review, 1 began to think they would be like a snare to me if I wore them myself, if under other ones, useless, and would be too warm, as 1 had got them from a person indebted to me for physical services to wear in very cold weather under others, as they were light carnage, and that time of the year passing away ; perhaps I might be induced, through too great affection, to give them to my eldest son or sons, and I began to think if they bought such things with their own money it would be their own acts, but if given by me, who they knew in times past held up a testimony against them in the case of my apprentices, they might be the more shaken as to my religious principles, and it be a stumbling block in their way, so 1 felt most free to hand them forward to this friend, with a request for him to wear them in common, as easy and pliant to his afflicted limbs, for he had long been laboring under a rheumatic complaint; when I had done it in as private a manner as I well could, I felt peace in so doing, being sometime before perplexed to know what to do with them, till this old man who lived in the neighborhood was presented to my view. Proceeded next day to Wilmington, lodged at the widow Shipley’s, had my son Edward with me free conversation and advice communicated to him ; next morning there was a considerable snow on the ground; went to Samuel Painter’s, (18th) and lodged with my dear little daughter; in the morning, discoursing with her on her duty to God, parents, relatives, &c., she, of her own accord, rehearsed the state of Samuel when a child, which greatly tendered my heart, and occasioned a plentiful discharge of tears from my eyes, in commemoration of God’s eternal goodness to the children of men ; was at Concord meeting, dined with l’hebe Speckman, the friend who had been a long tour to Europe; some useful bints and observations respecting too sumptuous preparations on first days, &c. ; a favorable sensation attending my mind respecting her son, which 1 afterwards communicated to him at Philadelphia. Time is to develope these, I believe, sacred communications. Made a short stop at Caleb Piercie’s in my way to West Town B. School, discoursed with Edward on his brother John’s magnet, atlas, chart, maps, &c. ; received information of the exertions of men to improve in human literature, even though they fail, and the effects it often has on their religious principles, keeping much high towering company, &c.. ; got to the farm-house in the evening, lodged there with son Thomas, rainy night, observed theadvantage of the ventilator, was pleased with his subordination and improvement in manners as well as school learning ; but one thing seemed to require strict attention—the instilling of the pure principles of religious truths, and the strict observance thereof enjoined, not only by • precept well conveyed to their infant minds, but the most careful ex-amplification in their daily conduct and conversation, for it plainly appeared to me* that a head knowledge had taken a growth in a very early start in my little son, about nine years of age, that seemed like understanding, but was, in my opinion, gathered from the unforbidden fruit that grows in the midst of the garden that is so beautiful to look upon, and even pleasant to the taste; not like the Prophet’s roll, bitter to the mouth, but sweet to the belly.
19th.—My son had read in Pilgrim’s Progress of the giant and Christians fighting, and seemed to know all about it. I am afraid that if such little inexperienced children grow wise so suddenly, the more advanced in years and experienced in the ways of large towns and cities, will be with more difficulty persuaded to comprehend that they know nothing as they ought to kuow it, even a self-abasement and deep humiliation, obedience to elders and superiors in the truth, and, as Paul, to account all human knowledge but as “ dross and dung” (almost obscene expressions for modern delicacy) “for the excellency of the knowledge of Jesus Christ.” Oh that this kind of education may be piously sought after, and that the solid, substantial, weighty, truly devoted and sincerely religious members of Society, may band together in fraternal amity to keep alive this invaluable privilege, and that it may remain inviolate to latest ages, unsullied by amply superficial performances that are “ without as painted sepulchres, but within full of dead men’s bones, and all uncleanness,” is my earnest desire. Next day w ent again to Samuel Painter’s, he being indisposed; the w eather unfavorable, and feeling no great disposition to hurry on, stayed till next morning. 21st of the month and 3rd day of the week, returned to Wilmington, roads very heavy, and disagreeable traveling in a carriage, which I left there; dined with my worthy friend William Canby; this man, though advancing in years, seems to have the most vigorous Christian growth of any one in these parts. Lodged at widow Shipley’s again, next day rather tardy, raining, storming, and blustering. 4th day of the week, after dining with Thomas Speckman, concluded to push on, rainy as it was, and though apparently uncomfortable, 1 had moment of peace and • At the time of my journey to Cheater county, and at the yearly meeting.quietude as I passed along. When I came near to Chester, I thought I would stop and tarry all night, but earnestly asking Divine counsel, I seemed not to have freedom, and an usual pressure of mind to get to William Shoemaker’s. I queried within myself, why not stop at Chester ; I had money enough to bear my expenses, probability of good accommodations, and a perfect willingness to pay tavern expenses rather than sponge on any, yet I could not be easy in my mind, so I tarried on,, the rain about that time increasing, and when I came to a tavern, formerly of but bad reputation, I rode up and directed my horse to be taken care of, and walked down to William Shoemaker’s, about a quarter of a mile or less, and when I went in they all seemed very glad to see me, and in the evening, as William and I were in conversation, his little boy came in, and I spoke to him, he went out, and * * 1 soon began to apprehend why my mind was so much pressed to come to this house. I drew a little blood from her # * and next morning proceeded on (5th of the week) to Philadelphia, got into the city about nine or half-past, Mas shaved, and proceeded towards Pine-street. Before I came to the meeting-house I saw Jacob Linley, who told me the meeting for worship was appointed at Market-street at 10, a. m. I immediately M'ent thither, and it being late the seats were filled up. I got in at the south door with difficulty, and stood some time, when Israel Coarse made way for me to sit doM n. I saw Miers Fisher at some distance, and Samuel also, and I apprehend they saw me. I had endeavored to move on as truth opened the way, agreeable to the best of my knowledge, asking in silent breathings divine assistance, and apprehending I* had gone alone under the guidance of that divine Monitor who can' “ shut” and none can “ open,” and “ open” and none can “ shut.” Apprehending I had in some measure seen the intentions of Providence in' leading me along, up and doM’n, and what was quite contrary to my own* projection, for I had rather desired to have come up by M-ater, and in agony of spirit before I set off'believed I should, if faithful, comprehend the’ wisdom of Providence in thus constraining me to move upward contrary to my will and time, that I might see his marvellous M orks and obey his commands.
23d.—During the meeting for worship, several testimonies were delivered, and an ancient Friend, from his appearance, James Simpson, spoke in a very tender and affectionate manner, and much to the encouragement of the improving youth, and in his ministry made use of the expression of the battle-axe; it brought to my recollection what Richard Bassett, thelate President of Delaware, was said to have expressed to an auditory at a late Methodist meeting at Barrett’s chapel, desiring the people to come armed to Dover at a certain time to fight the devil. This seemed like a harsh expression, and might be misconstrued by some mischievous and designing people. In the days of George Fox many misconstructions were put on enthusiastic expressions of this kind, or even on solid, plain truths, that the vain-glorious, proud, and ambitious minds could not brook, therefore they resorted to persecution. See Lowell’s History. Gough and his friend further observed that it was his belief that if the Quakers did not keep their places, yet the great work would still go on, and he (God) would raise up a peop’e to his glory, &c. He seemed deeply to be led into prophetic mysteries, with a llow of words that the organical powers could scarcely deliver fast enough. John Cox expressed his mind in a concise and regular manner. When the meeting broke up, S. and M. Fisher were in conversation just before the meeting-house door ; Miers had, according to his usual manner, gone out after the Friend had done speaking, and very likely had began to consult what was best to be done in my case ; they probably did not expect me up, and as I had delayed it so long, the weather unfavorable, &c., to which add John E’s. mother being dead, it might put them to some inconvenience ; w hen I came out I went up to them and spoke to them, and gave them my hand, they received me with apparent coolness, and perfectly dry ceremony, and never asked me of my health and family, or invited me to their houses, or any thing else ; just at that juncture along came young Parish, the late companion of Nathan Hunt, with a very friendly aspect and cheerful countenance, invited me to his father’s house, I accepted the invitation, and there dined in company with Susanna Mathews, Jacob Lindley, &c., went and made an entry for my daughter Susan, that she might get into the boarding-school. I had requested Lydia Gilpin a year ago, but by some means or other she failed. 1 had since applied to Alexander Wilson, he had not done it for me, so, like the story in ^Esop’s Fables of the lark and her young ones in the farmer’s wheat, I determined to do the business myself, finding the assistance of my relations and friends had failed, and so, my children, I would advise you always to do your own business in preference to second hands if you possibly can, and wish it to be well and effectually done. Attended the meeting for business on 5th day afternoon, house crowded, it rained, got there rather late, sat up stairs; Jonathan Evan’s mother being dead, the meeting pro-ceeded to name a clerk pro tern. ; John Cox was chosen, and Nicholas Wain assisted; he seemed diffident, was requested to act, did so, performed, in my opinion, admirably well, was modest, correct in his readings, apt in forming minutes, and seemed to take the sense of the body without interposing, or wishing his own private opinion to over-rule. This is a very necessary duty in a clerk or secretary, otherwise in great bodies or momentous concerns an ambitious, self-willed, bigoted person, may cover things in such ambiguous words that may be quite different from the intent and meaning of the legislative body. See Luther Martin’s opinion of the powers of Congress from construction of words, and Jefferson’s expressions of his determination (in his answers to certain addresses) to abide by the pure meaning of constitutional expressions.
24th.—Our Yearly Meeting appears to me to be like a little Congress, and the people as numerous representatives, as they now stand, (according to original principles) but by-and-by custom may so change it that there may be but few admitted to deliver their sentiments. Some people who sit at table know very well they must not help themselves of any or every dish on the table, must not sit too long, or eat too much, others are granted more freedom and liberty, and yet to an ignorant observer, seeing them all at table, there is supposed to be no difference ; so in a yearly meeting capacity, the table is spread, (figuratively speaking) they eat the same meat and drink the same drink, but an attentive observer may see that some are served in golden dishes, and if some rude rustic attempts to put his hand into the dish without using his knife and fork properly, or takes too large a share to himself, some one or other that sits at the head of the table is apt to reprove him, and notwithstanding all this such a powerful influence has general liberty on the minds of the American character, that here and there will be found persons that will blunder on with unbridled license, and express their minds fully and freely, still contending for the Magna Charta of constitutional privileges, and do sometimes really drown the dictatorial authority of assdmed greatness.
This seems to be the quintessence of religious liberty, and as long as it is retained among us, like the storms and varied winds, will produce temperate climes ; but when this ceases, we must expect either to be parched by excessive heat, or destroyed by perpetual cold. “ Libertasy qua sera, tamen respeclt.”—Amicos Vlrg.
In the evening called to see Samuel Howell, by request, at his sister^, had conversation with him, informed me that • • I was irritatedto think * * having just had information from John Pryer, not then knowing him to be Daniel Drinker’s son-in-law; presently came in J. R.; I had just before given S. H. expectation of going up to see Joseph, and when J. R. came by in the entry, and never asked me up, but inquired for Dr. M., I concluded he did not want my company, and therefore observed to S. H. my reasons for not going up as I had intended. See other notes on the like subjects elsewhere. Lodged at •Thomas Williams’s with my son George, was in conversation till midnight or after, being very anxious to inculcate certain principles on his youthful mind, lest, as life is uncertain, I might never have the like opportunity again, and as he was of an age, in my opinion, very suitable to establish right principles, if properly grounded might last for life. Next day (6th of the week) attended Pine-street meeting, rained at times, sat down stairs to hear and see more conveniently, as sometimes by not getting in in time, many useful observations when members speak low are misunderstood, or not fully comprehended, so as to give equal satisfaction as when nearer at hand ; and although we do not as a people (collectively speaking) profess what is by the world’s people termed politeness, and study eloquence in the delivery of our sentiments, but plain truth, yet there are those who would be loath to have it said they spoke ungrammatically, and not with precision; others perfectly indifferent, so as they are barely understood ; the rising generation are of the former description, and by taking notice in the gallery up stairs, there may be seen youth, very describable by their clothing, who, by their apeish gestures and unsettled states, do manifest their parents’ wealth as the tomb does the deceased dignity ; these are the licensed Quakers, like “ clouds without water,” that often amuse themselves as though they were at theatrical entertainments, and who no doubt go there by their behavior, whose conduct is little seen by the aged Friends who sit below stairs, and whose broad-brimmed hats help to prevent them from discovering these defects, yet would be more observable, and cannot add to the coolness of the head in excessive warm weather, no more than the long, excessively long skirts, to cheapness and economy. I am led to make these remarks in freedom, only as they may apply to too great tenacity as to bare external appearances, believing that the Almighty in his wisdom is about to abolish the empty symbolical figures, and substitute something more substantial, for was an hypocrite to wear the exact figure of the garment our Saviour put on it would make him no better, or if he had a crown of thorns, or drank,vinegar and gaul, these things (barely) would not make him a true Christian. When our Saviour in his infant state was told that his mother was seeking him, replied, “ who is my mother ?” “ he that doeth the will of my Father,” (i. c., his Heavenly Father) “ the same was his father and mother,” &c., implying the spiritual performance, so also the bare outward vestment of any sectarian is only an outward sign, but it does often betray the inward state ; the fashion of the youth and the form of the aged may both admit of improvements.
The queries were read, and. answers produced, and summaries made out agreeably to the minds gif the meeting,and many pertinent remarks made ; John Hall, from Old England, was there, but I did not hear him open his mouth ; I apprehend he heard, saw,-and understood as well as any, if he did not express himself. Elias Hicks, from one of the Eastern States, was there, and towards the close of the meeting made some striking and pertinent remarks, that seemed to still, and with a disposition that wished to be doing.
At the time of the jjprly meeting in Philadelphia, (4th of the 9th month, 1801,) Elias Hicks was dressed in home-made stuff, spoke a plain and emphatical language, in his observations remarked that there was a great need of caution in overseers and others doing their proper business ; and another Friend said he did not think that one-fourth of those that were disowned would be, if the proper steps w ere taken. If these be the statements of such men as Elias Hicks and others, freely expressed in a large yearly meeting, and not contradicted, how cautious ought monthly and quarterly meetings to be in their steppings along, lest what they have done be undone by superior authority, and thereby we seem to act in contradiction to ourselves. The case of Susanna appeared pointedly proven against her, and her case past remedy, till Daniel confounded and confuted the cunning of the wicked priests. Oh ! that no kind of priestcraft may get into our sacred assemblies.
Several hints were given about people rising and speaking two at a time, and indeed at such times when many seemed desirous of expressing their sentiments, some from duty, no doubt, others from inclination ; time short, and the clerk more or less interrupted in forming a proper minute. It seems as if it w as necessary to have some head, chairman, or speaker to control; there are elders and ministers, it is true, and so many generally at such meetings, that it is not like a select meeling where one is looked to ; and since the days of John Marcelach, there seems like a check on a kind of general constitutional authority, (iI might so term it) that opens a door, that when set wide open, all the powers of the meeting will not be able to shut, which appears at present unbolted; I mean the privilege for the admission of the blacks, or people of color. My pen inscribes what opens before the view of my mind without much labor, and therefore I may seem at times to digress from the subject, and connect new matter before the old is satisfactorily closed; but as this is not intended to be a studied performance, my aim is to touch on simple truths, and if I may induce some other hands to improve on hints and suggestions, some good may be done.
N. B.—Warner Mifflin and James Harris’s memorials wrere read, and directed to be recorded.
7th of the week.—Jonathan Evans again assumed his seat, and acted as clerk, being heretofore prevented by the death and interment of his aged mother. The minutes of the meeting wTere read over, and as no conclusion was finally come to respecting the disownment of members vending spirituous liquors, but recommended to the quarterly and monthly meetings to advise against the improj^ use or abuse of them, was deferred for further consideration next year ; also that of members attendance at marriages not accomplished according to our discipline by those who were not of our Society; as also the conclusions about building a house for the yearly meeting, this not being considered large enough, and the assistance to be afforded to the black people held in bondage, or unlawfully and cruelly used or treated, deferred to the meeting for sufferings, as way might open, to proceed by petition to the President of the United States, or legislative bodies being discussed, and free communications offered, some being zealously affected, as Jacob Lindley and Potts, while others comprehending a mistimed application or unsuitable policy, produced the following laconic and classical remarks :—from Lindley and Potts, that it was best “ to speak the truthtand shame the devil.” When I hear these and such like expressions made use of in our meetings, they seem a little like the Methodistical language that some of us are apt to find fault with, and generally proceed from the mouths of those who appear very zealous in a good cause; and when I consider how many black people they have in their Society, their religious labor, and the operation of the principles by them established and promulgated, and the good effects it has had on many characters within the compass of my recollection, I am induced to believe that it might, like “ iron sharpening iron,” and by a united labor in a good cause, tend to cement rather than to disperse and scatter, for seriously considered,what is Quakerism and what Methodism, but designated names arising from certain circumstances, that the name does not substantiate the true Christian, and without love and good works neither available.
The meeting concluded, and some useful hints were given for a thorough investigation to be made to know of what spirit we were, that no disposition of the animal passions be misunderstood for the movings of the Holy Spirit, and that we be excited to charity, brotherly love, and condescension one towards another.
In the afternoon (7th day of the week) after the yearly meeting had adjourned, I began to think it necessary to examine into my concerns, and to have a re-hearing on those subjects that had (in some wise) been discussed, and determined on agreeable to the written or verbal conclusions, which I had, agreeable to my inquiries and investigations, considered prejudged, or judged by those (in part) who had no right to a diplomatic judgment, because they lacked constitutional authority to determine, and as to a mere opinion, it was neither here nor there, of no consequence what this one thought or that one concluded on, if they were without efficient powers, and not properly authorized ; I went therefore to several creditors, as E. Y., J. S., Z. C., and others, and from thence to the several overseers, as T. W., J. T , D. D., and J. H., and notified Samuel H. to attend at the house of Thomas H. with his papers, he (S. H.) having previously notified me by letter in Kent of the conclusions come to by himself and William D., two of our overseers relative to this business. As it drew on towards night, Joshua Stroud and myself went to the house of T. Huffs, where we were to meet, I then proceeded to collect the others, by and by came S. Howell, D. D., T. T., and J. H.; inquiry was then made if they wished to see Jonathan Evans; this was concluded on, that he must be in his proper person;—I had considered that as his mother was so lately interred, it was rather indelicate to call him out, and as the letter to S. H. for my perusal and information was in Samuel’s possession, his immediate presence might be dispensed with, but it was concluded he must be present; it seems that none of the rest, except J. Evans, had seen my
answer to the overseers’ letter, and which had some time before come to J E’s. hands, forwarded by William Dolby, one of our overseers—this had remained in his coat-pocket—wherein I had stated certain facts by way of defence, and which I deemed absolutely necessary for their perusal; however, at their request, I posted off for J. E’s; by this time they had all collected save Ellis Yamal, and I apprehend had began to rehearse the subject or to talk about it.When I got to Jonathan E’s, he was in a back room with his wife and child. I spoke to him; he spoke again, perhaps asked me to sit down, and after a little pause I queried him if he would walk with me to the house of T. Huff"; he asked with a rather short and quickened tone of voice, “ for what ?” I replied that the overseers were there and wished to see him relative to that business respecting the Fishers and myself. With a rather quickened tone of voice he said he had nothing to do with that business—had they not come to a conclusion ?— had not the Fishers withdrawn their suit ?—and what did I want ?— he was unwell, and could not attend, &c. I replied very coolly, for I intended to use all possible endeavors to keep my temper,) if it was inconvenient for him to go, as it was raining, if he would write a line, it might do as well, or if he saw proper, to deliver a verbal message. Indeed 1 was rather delicate in calling on him at this particular time, I observed, but it was the express requisition of the others. He then, I believe, asked if the Fishers were to be there, and his wife said, “ my dear, thee had better endeavor to gohe then got up, put on his coat, and seemed to be muttering as we went along, that he did not know what could be done—it was a troublesome piece of business—he had been up several nights broke of his rest—fatigued with the yearly meeting business, &c. As we w ent along the street, I asked him if he had shown my letter to the other overseers, he said not, it was in his pocket; I replied I was sorry for it, and should have been glad if he had brought it with him; thus we continued on till we came to the house of T. H., and by this time Samuel H. had shown the letter he received to the overseers, some of whom, particularly I. Townsend, had said he had not seen it, though it was the act of the overseers, and subscribed to by I. E. and D. Drinker, as their act and deed; in fact, I considered it as a hasty piece of business, and a kind they did not like, and wished to get rid of—that one or more had made their minds on certain principles of law without deliberately, coolly, and impartially weighing the justice of the claim, but by a kind of made up judgment; a little like a master and servant, that if the former asserts the latter is a vile fellow, that he is a servant, that he has run away from him, &c.; they do not enter into the true merits of the matter, but whatever is most strongly asserted, is so, and speaks most loud, most menacing, &c., is most apt to be heard; somewhat in this wray, I apprehend, was the result of this business, without any improper impeachment of any—that there w as a kind of bell leader, and if he jumped into the well, all the rest would be liketo follow, why ? because the bell rung, and they must all follow the toll.
This way of one man’s forming an opinion by another is very common among men, and takes place, perhaps, nine times out of ten; besides, in such cases as this, where there is likely to be no gain, a risk of friendship for nothing, therefore the sooner the business was ended the better. What great odds if one family was broke up? the distance is so great from the great city, that perhaps they might never hear much about it —what if one man’s reputation was a little impaired ? it is no uncommon thing now-a-days to have some little blemish of character ; but plain and positive assertions to be openly contradicted seemed rather too glaring in a little weak doctor against an eminent attorney, wholesale merchants, &c., to call in question their parchment proofs; therefore, I can make some allowance for the weakness of human nature. I want them again, once more to rally round the liberty pole, and see if they cannot make a stand, re-examine the foundation of their breast works, and perhaps they may discover a new mode of improvement.
After this animadversion I proceeded to trace the subsequent conduct. J. Evans enters T. Huff’s house, becomes seated, I (N. L.) also, and seeing a letter on the table, which I supposed was the one sent to S. Howel, inquired of the overseers, and directing my discourse principally to John Townsend, who had said he had not seen it, began to open it and read, (Joshua Stroud, as Ellis Yarnall had not yet come, nor the Fishers, seemed to wish to withdraw, Z. C. said it would not suit him to attend, because *	*)	and coming across that part that I considered
as a pretty severe censure on me; asked when or at what place such expressions were used ; see the letter to S. H. 1 was answered with pretty considerable vehemence by J. E., that he had made use of such words when we were together, that I was told I should have it to pay, &c., so said several others; then I think also J. E. insisted he had read or informed J. Townsend of the letter, &c. J. E. then queried what was to be done; what I wanted was the business with them, or the Fishers, if with the Fishers, they must be present, to which I assented. S. H. said he could go and call them, or something to that effect, if they were required. Words seemed to be spoke so fast, dictatorial, and 1 was going to say, domineering, that poor I could scarce get in a word edgeways. However, after some time, I observed that I was informed by J. Evans next morning when I called on him to know their determination, that I had for answer they had not come to a conclusion,and that when they did, I should hear from them, and was told if I had no other business I need not stay on that account, and that, farther, Ellis Yarnal, who came in about this time, and who had told a good story about S. Fisher, &c.—sent assurance to me (N. L.) some time ago—had informed me that they had not come to a conclusion—in answer to my letter, wherein I enclosed N. Hommon’s letter, &c., and which the overseer ought to have seen, unless they were determined to prejudge, or only to give credence to one side of the question—this J. Evans insisted related to the Fishers, against whom they had not come to a judgment, whether he was to withdraw the suit or not, but they had determined respecting me, that I ought and would have to pay it. I attempted to say I could disprove certain assertions, but was told that I did not deny them at the interview ; I endeavored to explain after what manner the negation was, as to myself, I was satisfied, but as to others could not tell till I had seen and conversed with them on the subject, since which I had satisfied myself on those heads, and had my proof ready to produce if required. All seemed to little purpose—T. H. said the proposals was fair and honorable on the part of the Fishers, that they offered to withdraw the suit, &c., if I would pay the demand in two or three years, that he understood I was a man of fortune, &c., and if he had married, he should expect to pay his wife’s debts, &c., and thought I ought to do it. Sometimes S. H. attempted to say a word or two, and E. Yarnal, but they were told the Fishers were not present, &c.
In answer to J. E’s. inquiry therefore, I replied I wished to have an interview with the Fishers and them also. In the first place I apprehended it was a simple application made by me to them to inquire whether their members had procedeed according to the rules of discipline—yea or nay. As to my own conduct I apprehended of its own members, that they, as strangers to me, and especially to the complicated state of my affairs and the manners and customs of our courts, had judged me too severely when they talked of negligent and dilatory conduct, &c., that, if I comprehended the meaning of words, I considered them in that signification. By this time the petulence of J. E. seemed somewhat abated, for all this time I could see no visible signs of sickness in his countenance; no, not half so much as something else I apprended. I think he said it was not meant as a censure. I answered, if it ends barely with requiring M. and S. Fisher to withdraw the suit, or if you say (t. the overseers) it is your judgment that I ought topay the money, I have no objection to your entertaining such an opinion. J. E. then said the Fishers censured them more than I did, or bore harder on them, that it was with difficulty they were prevailed on to get them to withdraw the suit—now, by-the-by, it seems that J. Townsend and J. Hutchins were the persons that waited on them on this occasion, and one of these men, it was I who first queried with them, why the suit wras not brought in Delaware, or rather a complaint made to Motherkill meeting, and for which they rendered such a cogent reason, that they could not ascertain my place of residence—notwithstanding they had wrote to N. H. letting him know how, where, and when to strike the decisive blow, as also, that they could not obtain justice in the monthly meeting of Third Haven, all which their neighbors and friends were pleased to pass by without any severe strictures, because it was asserted by S. and Miers Fisher, v
It was observed also by J. E., that it was an unthankful business, &c. I said I wished I could compensate them like lawyers, but I knew of no other alternative—I was very sorry to put them to the trouble I had done, and especially to make inroads into private houses, which I intended for a compliment for friend Huff, who was so ready to pay debts of wrhich he did not know the exact amount, because he was a Pennsylvanian. Had he have lived in Maryland as long as I have, and in the same manner, I apprehend he would have professed a different creed. S. Howell observed to him, that instead of £500, perhaps I might have .£1500, and I be finally ruined; I then said, friend Huff, how would thee do in such a case as that ? I think he made no reply; then I said also, had any of them been in my situation, I apprehended they would not have done better, in fact, there is a great difference between saying and doing. Daniel Drinker, notwithstanding his name was subscribed to the afflicting letter, seemed to be very still and quiet, and said little or nothing—this may admit of an explanation by-and-by. By this time some began to pity my hard case, but hard as it was, they could see no other way than for me to pay it; this wras so often repeated that perhaps C. Y. had began to think it might as w’ell be so as not, and might be as easy for him to receive his money as to go w ithout it. The Fishers say, in justification of their own conduct, that others wrould have done the same as they did, and that Smith acknowledged this, that is, if he had a bond he w ould have his money, or something to that effect; howbeit, as it was growing late the assembly thought proper to adjourn for the present, in hopes, no doubt, not to meet again on thistroublesome business, and no time or place was appointed; and taking leave of each other, J. E., T., and H. w alked together, and I alongside of them to the corner of the next square, and then taking my leave of them, proceeded to Ellis Y’s, who had gone with the other company, and some time after I had got there he came in ; W'hether he had been with S. H. at the Fishers or not 1 cannot say, but on discoursing on this subject at his house, he seemed to think it would be the best and shortest w'ay, and attended with the least trouble, to pay the demand and be done with it. It was a kind of doctrine I never liked to hear pleaded or preached, and after a short conversation I left him, and returned to Thomas Williams’ to my son, and being pretty much settled and composed in mind, to think I had been using my utmost endeavors to do for the best, and if it turned out otherwise, I must patiently bear it: others have trod a much more thorny path, so I comforted myself in reflecting my situation was not the most difficult in life, and that the way to blessedness was a narrow way.
7th day of the week.—Lodged with my son George, gave him my best advice, and in the morning concluded to proceed homewards. Next morning, 1st of the week, went in pursuit of Doctor Plunket Glentwrorth, after some time found him, introduced my son George to him, his wife and my honored mistress, who was living and in good health; saw the old Doctor’s bust, (picture) furniture of P. G.’s house, he received us kindly, and I believe with sincerity; my intention was that he might take some notice of my son, for I expect the Fisher family, generally speaking, will be so offended with me that they will disregard my children. I want him, however, to contrast the two sides of the house, and to endeavor to make himself somew’hat acquainted with that important principle of self-preservation, (in others) to understand men and measures, and to estimate them not as they are generally understood to be, but as they really are. This knowledge we must acquire principally by practice, for I apprehend philosophers or chymists would have very vague ideas of the properties of heat and cold without experimental knowledge, I therefore recommend experience as the surest guide to produce a thorough acquaintance with men and manners. Set off from the Bear Tavern in Market-street about 9 or 10, a. m., where I took leave of my son, and gave him a hint of the difference between that house and Glentworth’s, was happy in the company of my tormer and faithful servant Charles, who came with me there, and whom 1 had not seen for several years past ; he seems desirous of beingreligious, and my heart felt a near and earnest sympathy with his inmost breathing.
Notwithstanding it was the first day of the week, I felt no great anxiety for being at meeting ; I hoped to have a meeting on the road, and having done all I apprehended I could, or expected, received information, saw my children, &c., concluded it was best gently to move on. My horse was well taken care of, and the tavern demands reason able. I have endeavored to make it a point to purchase no useless thing, and to live within the bounds of my circumstances, though sometimes I buy such articles as some persons might deem unnecessary, yet I am well convinced in my own mind I am far below the standard comparing my purchases with others of like condition. My children and some other friendly connections hint to me I give away too much, that if what was so distributed was properly economised it would set out my house better, that I sometimes suffer indigent and negligent persons to impose on my credulity, and deceive me by fair promises and pretensions, and if these sums were saved, that are thus foolishly lost, it would increase my children’s stock, and by acting more like other people I should be in better estimation with my fel-low-men, obtain more respectability, and add both to my person and property.
The sentiments of men with regard to acting and doing are so diversified that it is difficult to tell who are wise and who foolish, circumstances so alter cases. Had the great Washington—the American Hero, who died crowned with so much honor—not succeeded in the Revolution, he might have been executed on a gibbet as a rebel. Had Demourer continued successful with the French arms, he might have had all the plaudit of a Bonaparte; but to return more within the circle of our own Society ; had not George Fox patiently persevered amid various conflicts, imprisonments and pains, he might have been numbered with Nailor, Keith, or Perrot. Success in undertakings crown all.
1st of the 4th month.—Stopped at William Shoemaker’s, dined, proceeded to Wilmington, lodged at Mordecai Cloud’s with my eldest son Edward, had much discourse with him till after midnight, a precious opportunity with each of my children ; if 1 never see them again, or have the like opportunity, I hope the present will be remembered by some of them. Edward informed me he received a check for unguarded expressions from a negro woman brought up in my family, who in timespassed inclined much to dress, but his dear mother kept her close to business, and I hope she is likely to turn out a useful person. Coming to the shop where he worked, and inquiring for him, he apprehended she wanted to beg some favor, and on her introducing herself, for he had not a recollection of her, asked her if she wanted anything, perhaps in that kind of tone that bespoke indifference, and not attentive to the form of his education, she reminded him his mother or parents had instructed him otherwise ; this had such an effect on his mind that it tendered him, and made him perfectly willing to provide something for her necessity as he supposed, but she replied in a humble tone that she was well off, and did not stand in need of assistance, that she was going to see her mother, and so bid him farewell. This little intimation from so mean a person as he supposed, made an impression on him which seemed to stick by him, for his mother died while he was at sea, as before noted, and when he took his leave of her, it was a final one. Thus, like the bread cast on the waters,” (beautiful emblem of the vicissitudes of life) is to be found after many days. May the Almighty Power preserve us all in his holy keeping.
Proceeded homewards by Christiana next day, a sweet serenity of mind, with heavenly ejaculations on the road while alone, with a humbling sense of divine goodness, passed by David Wilson’s, and although his grandchild had lately died of an untimely death—scalded —and invited to stop, felt no freedom, delivered a message from John Irons to the family, and proceeded to the tavern, fed, and went on to Fenwick Fisher’s near Duck Creek, lodged there, was fatigued, went to bed early, and slept late.
3rd of the week.—Next morning proceeded on, and learning my friend J. Dickenson was in Jones’s, went down to his house on business, the roads were excessively bad, the great inundations by rain had
made it hard traveling, the air was unusally pleasant from E ,
and very invigorating ; when I came into his room, he asked me, with an affected surprise, if I had come from heaven ; I answered my feet were on the earth, and after some modest ceremony sat down ; dinner was provided—a frugal competency—and of the few dishes some were untouched. It is these repasts that constitutes the philosophic mind, gives leisure for the most matured reflection, and produces celestial, solemn, silent banquets of the old spiritual wine, well refined from the lees of human disquisition. I informed this ancient sage of the health and condition of my children, told him of his family, some ofwhom I had lately seen—conversed respecting YVestown Boarding School, &c., and finally he said his body was in health, and his mind easy; he did not know but he should have laid down his life, being much affected during the winter, but now found himself vigorous and well. Departed thence and reached G. S’s just after night, my wife and child well, but father-in-law somewhat indisposed, he having just retired to bed.
5th month.—Last monthly meeting my case was referred to Jonathan Hunn, Thomas Jenkins, and Israel Corse, as assistants to the overseers —had an interview with S. H., \YT. D., and Daniel Mifflin, at Daniel’s on this business a little preceding—it was mentioned at the preparative meeting as business, and brought forward to the monthly meeting as such, rather at my request, I believe, for 1 had insisted for the Society’s sake, for I wished it investigated there, rather than litigated in a court of law, without first trying it by the rules and regulations among ourselves.
Operations of the mind and body diversified, sometimes tranquil, at othertimes disquieted, sometimes in bodily labor for health’s sake, at other times passive. The influence of the weather sensibly affecting the animal frame—mornings and evenings coolish, midday warm, a little disposed to headache—muscular lassitude often, but vigorous after rain
and thunder gusts.
26th of the 5th month.—A few days past, after being disquieted with movements and occurrences very perplexing to human nature, I w as brought into a sweet serenity of mind, inclining to remarkable bodily stillness, perhaps as much so as I ever experienced, sensibly feeling its beneficial eff ects, like a staff to lean on when the body is w eak and feeble, with an humble confidence in Providence, and an exemption from the man-fearing spirit—connected with cogitations of the weak and tottering state of our Society in many parts and places, and particularly our own meeting, thinking a worldly spirit was gaining ground, attended with a desire in many minds of possessing church pow er, which I greatly feared would injure the grow th of true religion, and occasion a dwindling and falling off instead of increase of its really useful members.
On first day last, Susanna Mathews was at Motherkill meeting, and after sitting long, got up and observed that, on account of a few particular states, she found it her duty to express herself, w'hich so accorded with the preceding cogitations of my mind, that it seemed to water the ground where this grain of mustard-seed had been sown. Among otherthings she remarked that there was a want of poor Quakers among us ; this I fully believed, even to the lack of money itself, for if the widow’s mite was most esteemed in the great mint or treasury formerly—that she gave more than all they that put into the treasury, because she gave all she had, even all her living; certainly the aspirations of a broken and contrite heart would add more to the glory of God, in the mediation of Jesus Christ, and produce more joy in heaven, for the conversion of one sinner from the error of his ways, than the largest donation to build stately edifices, or satisfy the hungry poor at home or abroad, when the heart prides itself on these kinds of liberalities; let not these intimations be abused, but properly applied to a true and Christian charity. If we give our goods to feed the poor, and our bodies to be burned, and have not charity—have not charity—may not the philosophic mind say, is not this the very essence of charity, benevolence ? it is true, many may so construe it, and so these wise physical, metaphysical geniuses may justly criticise on the “ right hand not suffering the left to know what it doeth,” and so in numberless scriptural phrases, think they can show its inconsistencies—but these have never fully understood how necessary it was to become fools to be truly wise, or blind, in order to see distinctly. Was yesterday at the Quarterly Meeting at Little Creek; previous to my setting off I felt as if I was faithful to known duty, and so expressed it to my wife as we went along, yet I believe it is necessary to be careful of these sensations, and rather to keep them in the mind than suffer them to pass out of our lips. I should experience much quietude in the meeting of business, which had been far otherwise for some time past; it proved truly so till towards the close, when it seemed as if a worldly wisdom had got mixed with the heaven-born spirit, and produced that monslrous birth, that is always disfigured, lives in pain, and dies without honor. These may seem like rash or harsh comparisons, but they came into my mind without premeditation, and therefore I inscribe them.
James Iddings had much to say from a text in Isaiah, respecting seven women taking hold of one man ; the expression of women he did not apply literally, but as belonging to mankind, and went on in a line nearly like to Susanna’s testimony the day before, of the degeneracy among many names as to religion, and explained, no doubt very satisfactorily, many parts and passages of Scripture. A Friend, just before James rose on this subject, broke silence by referring to the writings of the Prophet Isaiah. When the meeting closed, as I was putting my horseinto the carriage, I gave him a kick on the hose as he kept reaching down his head to eat grass, and he suddenly jerking up his head caught my leg in the bridle reins, and with the bits of the bridle or shaft hurt my shoulder blade, and liked to have trampled on me. I had just before been fretted with some conversation with T. Hopkins, relating to Boon’s business, wherein I believe plots, contrivances, and schemes were devising to take undue advantage of me, (see H. Coarsey’s letter since, &c.) and therefore while I trod on the earth had not my mind enough elevated towards heaven—“ in the midst of life,” is is truly said, “ we are in deathof whom, then, shall we seek for succor, but of thee, oh Lord ?
On first day last, the 7th of the month, my spirits were unusually pleasant and composed. The preceding first day so disquieted that I did not go to meeting, an omission that I know not that I have been guilty of since I was a member, on the like occasion, but I cannot say on a serious review, that I find myself condemned, for appearing at a wedding, and not have on the wedding garment, would not be proper —and also not to be there when invited, would be a mark of inattention ; but while the bridegroom is not with us we must mourn—we cannot turn the water into wine ourselves, this is a miracle, and no art or divination will avail, nor money make this purchase; it will be like Simeus, “ thy money perish with thee,” will be the language to all such who pursue insiduous methods to obtain divine favor. It is a free gift, and to be had without money or without price, when asked for in a proper manner, and not otherwise to be obtained by rich or poor.
23d of the 7th month.—Have been in and about my father-in-law’s chietly since last memorandum, in operation nearly as heretofore; weather warm, dress loose, and suited to the season, enjoying generally pretty good health—am at our meeting on meeting days, though the meeting to me is for the most part heavy, and without spiritual consolation—my morning sittings alone more refreshing, and duty seems to require it. Some time last week my son Edward gave me his company, coming in these parts to see his connections—his stay was about ten or twelve days—during his being down, he cleaned several clocks and watches. I wish he may keep a holy watch, and guard against temptations, which, at his age, is very apt to lead the giddy youth astray, and often operations at this period fixes the mind and manners for the succeding part of life. It is certainly a very critical period, undue liberties are very apt to be taken, the youthful passions rise, theywish to shake of the power of being governed, and to act solely according to their own will and inclinations, and often think their own ways are best, and that they have a perfect knowledge of those things which, after experience teaches them they know little of. He returned by stage, I lodged with him at Dover the night previous to his seting off.
Last monthly meeting, about the 13th or 14th of this month, two women Friends, from Pennsylvania, attended our meeting on a religious visit, (S. N. and P.) when the elderly Friend came into the mens meeting, she observed she had scarcely strength to offer her certificate, and asked leave, if way opened, if she might be permitted to visit families—a committee of four or five were named to accompany her, when she entered on that business; she with her companion proceeded to N. W. Fork, and from thence for Third Haven—she was expected to have called at G. S’s. but did not.
This monthly meeting the clerk (J. C.) reported the committee named to assist the overseers in a difficult case had come to a conclusion. This was all that was mentioned in meeting, but the result is, that S. and M. Fisher have permission to bring a suit. S. H., in conversation with me a few days past, said he thought, all things considered, that it might be best for me to lose three or four hundred pounds, in order to get rid of this troublesome business, I replied to him agreeable to a quotation in continental times, viz :
“ We are steep’d into blood so far,
That should we wade no more,
To return, will be as tedious as go, sir.”
It often happens, that for want of a work being properly finished, all the preceding labor is lost; in a seige, a few days holding out would save the garrison, establish their liberty, produce plenty, and a permanent honorable peace, while, on the contrary, a surrender would bring slavery, poverty, disgrace, and ignominy. The cause I am engaged in is not altogether a monied matters, though pecuniary demands against me, as I accept them, is the ostensible struggle; but there is principles, civil and religious, at stake, which I consider very closely connected with these monied matter, that as they are brought into operation, 1 have a hope will have a beneficial effect on the mind and manners of my fellow-citizens. In reading ancient and modern history, and particularly the Sacred History, we learn various conflicts is attended on the life of man, that though happiness here, as well as hereafter, is his greatpursuit, various are the modes of obtaining it: “ Sunt quos curricula pulvere olimpicum,” &c., says Horace, speaking of the modes men seek for pleasure.
Some mens greatest delight is in hoarding up earthly treasure—some cannot be contented to keep a competency, but must waste and squander it away, till dire necessity brings them to the most abject poverty— like the seasons, (in our climate,) these operations follow in succession, but although the most ignorant and uninformed among us know the difference between heat and cold, winter from summer, they cannot tell what occasions the change of seasons—neither does the diligent man who wants to grow rich, duly consider, that beyond the sacred medium, his labor is but vanity, and tends to the dissipation and destruction ot his posterity, just in the same proportion, generally, as a departure from the temperate zones produces either excessive heat or cold, so does great riches or poverty, the infelicity of mankind.
8th month About the 24th of last month I had a hint that P. H.
was expected to come and reside at G. S’s the next first day. About the 26th, J. R. and J. E. came home with G. S.—after dinner J. R. asked G. S. to take a walk, and G. S. asked J. E. if he would walk with them—as 1 should have been without male company, I went with them. VVe walked towards the meadows, fields, &c., and on our return J. R. and G. S. being a small distance before, J. E. and myself behind, the former asked G. S. what he was going to do with his plantation ? he replied in a short way, I don’t know, or somewhat in these words, as though he did not wish conversation on that head ; this seemed to convince me the information I had heard was well founded, and I accordingly prepared my mind for such an event. Psext day 1. H. came up, and Lydia in the evening, informed me ot the intentions next morning early G. S. and P. H. were counting out boards for P. to carry to his mill. I took my usual morning walk, and after breaktast, going to the stable, P. H. observed he wanted to consult me on a matter viz. respecting his coming up to live here; I queried it G. S. had given him an invitation, he said yes, if he intended to come, he replied in the affirmative ; why, then, answered I, consult me respecting a matter in which your mind is already made up—consult thy own interest
 he said he wished to consider me as an own brother, and Lydia as
his sister, 1 answered, thou wilt do more for me than I would for thee, for I should consider thee only as a half-brother; 1 would have thee to say no more than thee can stand by, but I tell the what, 1 should notthink strange, &c.; but, however that may be, I am prepared, and only wait the word of command—a mixed confusion seemed to appear in his countenance, with a pleasant sensation of future prospects. He set oft’, G. S. accompanied him to the gate, I think, after I returned into the house. It was meeting day—G. S., Lydia, and myself went to meeting; James Boon and T. Hopkins had come up for the purpose of making a complaint—negotiating or attempting some settlement, and had been with the members of Society on that head. Samuel Howell, an overseer, informed me of their business. I replied my willingness to an interview, and when it was asked where should they meet, I replied at the house of G. S., and nowhere else as the papers were there, the place convenient for Lydia, that as it began there, there it was I wished it to end. After some conversation we proceeded, Daniel MilHin S. Howell, and Jonathan Hunn came along with T. H. and J. B. After dinner, T. H., who had long been much distressed, (see his letter) seemed very anxious for the interview, and as we were collected in the hall at G. S’s., observed, that agreeable to our profession, it was expedient we should do to others as we would be done by, alluding, I apprehended, to his own particular situation. I replied, that saying and doing was two things, but that 1 was willing to^be tried by that rule ; he then observed, that James Boon would be willing to give £200 to be exonerated from the difficulties, and either he or James said further, if I (N. L.) would pay the debt to the Fishers, I might keep what I had received, and that James would take the remainder and pay the balance.
VV hen I left the meeting-house I had no intention of making myself responsible for any demands against Boon’s estate, otherwise than as there was estate, nor of Lydia’s or James’s unguarded assumption, than as I was compelled by the law, and in that respect holding out as long as I could; but as he had made an offer, I concluded I would not be behind in that respect, but as the landed property would not by any means suit me, concluded that coming up to James’s proffer must meet his approbation, and satisfy the anxious mind of Friends; I therefore said, supposing I give thee £200, cannot thee take the whole on thyself? some sentiments were then expressed by the Friends present, G. S. was not in the room then; Daniel Mifflin desired us to go out and converse on the subject, and while we were out I suppose they expressed their opinions to each other—we came in after some conversation, and not agreeing altogether respecting some particulars, Daniel MilHin observed to me that he would not let £50 differ us if he were in my place; I re-plied that it was unreasonable that I should lose anything in strict justice, that G. S. was a man of fortune, and I apprehended he ought to extricate his daughter from these difficulties ; I desired him to speak to G. S. on this subject, who stood not very far from us. In the beforementioned conversation with D. M., I had said there was difficulties unseen, and he seemed to palliate; I queried if he, &c., would be security, but this was waived, and a negotiation at all events absolutely necessary insisted on by him. I paused a little, (in the interim came Isaac Lamb), and I concluded that as Friends had been much plagued in this business, and apprehending they were very anxious to get rid of it, (D. M. having once said to me he would give £20 out of his pocket to see it settled,) I thought the following plan would certainly settle it— and therefore while G. S. and D. M. were in conversation in the orchard, went in, and wrote on paper that I would abide by the judgment of Daniel Mifflin, S. Howell, J. Hunn, J. Lowber, and G. S., the latter of whom I chose to put in, in order to see how he would act in the business, having as yet never intimated to him my knowledge of the plan fixed on by him and P. H.—entered on the business, and made an award, which was accepted by James and myself, (which see.) They seemed, on the conclusion, to think themselves very happy in adjusting so complicated a business. On my way to Frederica, I thanked them for the trouble they had taken, and observed I hoped to be more discreet in future, than to put them to the like difficulties—went to Frederica, got the necessary papers, though just before, as I was going to catch a creature, G. S. called to me and asked me if I had signed the paper. I took notice of this—next morning I proceeded with T. H. and J. B. to Camden, to complete the business, and not returning till evening G. S. seemed anxious (as I understood from Lydia) lest the business should not be completely finished. When I returned after night, I think the first thing he asked was if we had finished the business, I an swered in the affirmative, he said he was glad of it, and I expected he would make some offer towards the paying the debts, or tender of considerations to Lydia, as he knew in his own mind what provisions he had made for Betsy. Now the excuse which had been so long held up as an obstacle to natural charity and paternal benevolence was at end. Lydia still continued her slavish drudgery, without any settled maid, in the midst of mosquitoes and manifold difficulties. G. S. had some time past been talking of going up the country, of getting him a sulky. It now became necessary for me to go up as soon as possible, not vainlyconcluding the bitterness of death was past, but to prepare my mind for a more violent convulsion, if it should take place ; accordingly 1 went down to Maryland, first to see how matters were like to take effect, see James and T. H.; on my return, P. H. who informed me more particularly concerning his negotiation, and with all the time he was notified of it, viz. when I took my son up to Dover, I queried what provision was made for me and Lydia, he said we were to go to Lowber’s, meaning where C. Law lives; I queried how he knew, he said Lydia was to purchase it, &c. This kind of distribution of G. S’s. household stuff I did not like, as there was the goods of two families there already, and the very place G. S. had objected to my purchasing when I conversed with him previous to my marriage, (but after my engagement) it was too poor, defective of tillage, or something that did not please the fancy then, he advised me, however, not to purchase, but some time after thought it a good stand for Joseph or J. Rowland. I remember when I returned to G. S., after being in Maryland, and a little better prepared for going to Philadelphia, having got J. B. to subscribe to a letter or certificate to the creditors, (by this time 1 had learned that there were others besides love letters of importance) and had made up my mind speedily to set off. When I returned, I informed my wife of the situation of our affairs, and desired her to endeavor to be as much stayed as possible under the approaching difficulties, and when opportunity offered, to have conversation with him, her father, on that head. He began to be indisposed, had a lax, seemed cross and fretful, refused any medical assistance from me ; 1 began to think he wanted some new excuse, and 1 endeavored as much as possible to avoid giving him any just cause. His complaint somewhat increased, owing, as I apprehended, from the anxiety of mind, and indeed, I rather considered it symptomatical than original; he had been for some time before, very uneasy about some ringworms, as they are called, on his face, which I advised him to let alone, but he choose to be his own physician, not being willing to take my best advice as a physician or friend; how then can he expect me to take his ? yet he is very desirous 1 should be in full practice, inasmuch so, that he hinted to Lydia sometime since, when she queried where we should go, that Dr. Round’s house at Frederica would do, and when she intimated some time after respecting provision, &c., there was a dead silence from him.
Before I set off for Chester county and Philadelphia, I thought it necessary to let him know that I had a knowledge of his shy invitation.to P. and B., but as I well knew I was watched closely by some, to discover blemishes, I endeavored to step along gently. About two days preceding my setting off, while he was in the kitchen, 1 introduced the discourse, by inquiring if he was not one of the committee, who permitted me to come into Society, which was the case, though he had perhaps forgot it, as also if he had read H. G’s. letter, (another person who he had accepted of into membership,) to the latter he replied, yes. I then asked him if he thought marriage a Divine ordinance, or only in the human will—answered he “ thought Providence.” Having premised this, I intimated that the movements of our members in a society capacity, were very consequential, as to future events, whether he understood me I cannot tell, but went on to say 1 held the same tenets, that my first negotiation was equally approved by heaven, I apprehended as the last, and that wherein I had been disappointed proceeding also from the same Divine hand, and finally introduced the information from P. respecting the proffer made him. I think to this he only replied, “ farming was difficultI answered it was so to many of pure minds, now the chain of slavery was broken. I thought I had discovered motives rising out of broken cisterns, like some promising prospects that had faded and died away, which for a while were very green and nourishing. I was desirous also of brightening the recollection with respect to J. Warren’s negroes repairing the bank, and the apprehensions that had rested on my mind of the motives why J. W. had all the bank labor, viz. because he had slaves.
When I discovered this intimation had influence to introduce the subject no further than that farming was difficult, I intimated it would be necessary to make some arrangements in my affairs as P. was coming— there was no other reply. I still insisted Lydia should have a decided interview, to know what was meant or intended ; she seemed backward, but I frequently pressed the matter, determining to know from G. S. before the two armies made a junction, (remembering in continental times the plan of Burgoyne and Clinton, when poor Washington was to have been cut up root and branch) that it was necessary for me, like him, to make a forced march. Taking an opportunity, therefore, next morning I opened my mind to G. S. freely, in the most dispassionate manner, rehearsing to him antecedent circumstances, my marriage and occurrences since, in a brief and summary way, and queried what could induce him to make so great a distinction between his children, from all this there was nothing drawn hy way ot reply.1 was of the opinion that this precipitate removal was not agreeable to the mind and will of G. S., neither did it exactly suit Philip’s convenience, and my going up the country militated against Garret’s plan, therefore a slight indisposition was sufficient to stop him.
About the 14th of this month, or a little antecedent thereto, I set off for Wilmington, Lydia accompanied me some small distance from her father’s. I was at Wilmington, the boarding school, and Philadelphia, informed the creditors, those I saw, of the negotiation entered into between James Boon and myself, showed the award to S. Fisher, who at first carried himself distant, but after some free conversation, said, as I understood him, it was not their intention to sue me, (my son George was present, and Samuel’s nephew R. F.), he began to advise me not to trouble myself about the part James had to perform with the other creditors, but rely on the validity of the award, &c. I informed him it was my practice to receive council from any body, and afterwards to judge for myself, and I should do so in this case; he observed that some person had said *	*	,	but	that	I was so obstinate head-
strong, or tenacious to my own opinion, that if I got wrong, there was no such thing as turning me, or words to this effect, to which I replied that this was the exact description of his own character in the opinion of many people; after describing the mode of payment, offering the draft on Merton & Co., &c., he apologized for not asking me to drink some wine, or dine, by saying his wife was out of town. 1 answered in reply, that it was not my intention to cat or drink with him till he received his money, that if James complied on his part, I hoped all the creditors would receive their pay, and so far as that was the case, I wished them also—and thus we departed.
N. B.—Samuel Fisher said in discourse in justification of their conduct in bringing the suit, that he could convince me or any man of the consistency thereof, and that no other man or set of men could be picked that would have compelled them to withdraw the suit; I said I apprehended that the disipline was so clear on that head, that they could do no otherwise. As before noted, my son George was present, as also Samuel’s nephew, and a clerk perhaps occasionally coming in an going out while we were in discourse. Now, for men to pass such censure on the heads of departments, without any notice being taken of it, while speaking the truth, adverting to facts, and desiring or petitioning for grievances, and being faulted and complained of formally and figuratively, is like the deaf mother of Britain with respect to her American chil-dren, and if there is not due care and caution, I fear will terminate the same way, i. e., they will be obliged to submit to the rebellion of their children, to acknowledge their independency, and finally petition them for bread, and all this for want of a due care and attention in the premises, deaf to intreaties, remonstrances, and humble petitions—nothng but fire and sword, and unconditional submission will satisfy—vile sycophants ilattering, intrigueing courtiers cousining, military men marshaling—their own arm of power relied on—and finally they may be obliged to acknowledge their folly when irretrievably too late. Sapiens est omnibus, may be applied to their capricious judgment, in their own conceit, but time will determine the event, and oh, that the children may be truly wise is the language of my soul.
On my return, I stopped at T. H. and learned G. S. was to have gone up with him, about the time the young people went; this G. S. acknowledged on intimation. When 1 got to C. Law’s it was iu the afternoon, and I seemed to be in suspense what course to pursue; if I went down to the house of G. S. he would think I wanted to curry favor, and but treat me with contempt; if I did not go, Lydia would think hard of it. I intimated this to C. L., and finally concluded to go ; when 1 got there I left my horse in the sulky (mosquitoes very thick) to see if G. S. would give any direction respecting it; presently he came to the new house door, I spoke to him, he then went round to the porch, fn view of my horse; the creature wras moving about with the sulky, and by-and-by Lydia called out respecting the horse, and I had almost determined to return, but, however, I went and took out the creature myself, and came in—walked the child about, brushed the mosquitoes, eat supper—and afterwards there were some observations made about T. S. and Dr. R. ; some time after G. S. spoke to some of his people respecting shelling corn, and then about sending some wheat to the mill, and directed some to be got from a particular place. J. Lamb said it wras not so good as what they had been cleaning—I was touched with the many operations and incentives practised by G. S, from time to time, and had critically viewed his conduct, not only with respect to myself, but as it related to others, and have long been of the opinion, that many of G. S’s. intimate acquaintances were strangers to his conduct. I therefore rehearsed an anecdote, which I thought applicable to the present case, (which was not a very uncommon thing for me to do) ; he soon went to bed—next morning I got up early, before breakfast, 1 went to C. L’s. The day following Lydia was preparingto go to the quarterly meeting (being appointed), 1 met her on the road a small distance from the house, she returned back, and I got some papers, &c.—G. S. sat in the back porch, I spoke to him—I know not whether he made any reply—I soon came off with Lydia, he still sitting in the porch, viewing us with an indignant eye ; Lydia, with the child, proceeded to W. M’s., and I to Dover. In the evening she returned— on first day she was at meeting, her father did not come to meeting; in the afternoon I set off for Maryland, passed P. H., he was not at home next day — a little before meeting time reached Easton. Attended Mary Berry soon after the meeting of worship was gathered, spoke on humility and obedience, afterwards prayed ; J. I. I believe spoke a few words, the shutters were closed and the meeting proceeded to business. In answering the first query, relative to sleeping, J. I. observed, that shouting Quakers were more acceptable than sleeping ones, and had close labor respecting the second query, and seemed to acquit himself to the satisfaction of Friends I apprehended. Joseph Whitly remarked that the state of some things did not, in his opinion, correspond with the report, or to that effect, relating to the second query. Various occurrences, which seems so inconsistent with our religious profession, crowding into my mind at this time, I ventured to say that the conduct of the clergy, being educated according to the Church of England, had tended to alienate my mind from that body, and that I felt uneasy at the state of some things with us, or to that effect. Next day after meeting, Daniel C., an elder of Duck Creek monthly meeting, took me aside, and observed the remark I had made, which was a concurring opinion with J. Whitly, tended to give some uneasiness, or rather hurt the feelings of some Friends, and that he did not fully comprehend my meaning—I explained more fully than the few words I uttered admitted of, by adverting to some facts I had recapitulated to him, and he seemed to comprehend me; I then asked if he would name any particular person or persons who were made uneasy, he named J. I.; as soon as I had an opportunity, I desired to have an interview with James—he seemed to intimate the connection the public speakers had, in the public mind, with the clergy, but that his feelings were not effected, &c. I afterwards had some conversation with Dr. Moore on this subject, and informed him my allusion was with respect to the deficient duty of the officers of our church; he plead the conduct of individuals should not have a tendency to detract from the principles, I alleged the want ot performance of known duties must influence the mind respecting theprinciples, else why inculcate a principle without putting it in practice —the practice wras equally necessary as the principle.
The meeting for worship, or youths meeting, was to me very satisfactory, and the ministry of J. I. and his prayer, which comprehended most of the time of sitting, felt pleasant, (day very warm) although I expected to have heard a testimony from Sarah Newlin, as she was on a visit in those parts; yet I believe that the great Master of the assembly wa3 pleased to require ministry to be uttered by J. I., and that it was in the cross—to the creature, though by clear evidence a duty—so it felt to me, and as though the stone was on the well’s mouth, (as it were on some of their mouths) and rolled away from his. Sarah delivered a very few words after James’s prayer, by way of testimony. I lodged at S. Froth’s after meeting, and returned with P. G. by way of Berry town, and there parted with him. 6th of the week—was this day at the Delaware Bay, and had I had some little notice for timely preparation, believe I should have taken a trip to N. Y. with my friend S. Wilson, provided I could have seen my way clear, for therein I desire in all things, both small and great, to be rightly directed. I was never, to my knowledge or recollection, on the ocean, but in very violent storms in the bay and river, and it might be that a view of the great deep might afford instructions in particulars whereof, and concerning which, I am a stranger, and under the circumstances I am now in, be of use. I felt no condemnation in the investigation, but not being altogether prepared, did not proceed.
27th of the 11th month these Notes were made.—In the 9th month last had an interview with G. S. at his house, before several friends, viz : Daniel Mifflin, S. Howell, and William Dolby, respecting occurrances relative to Boon’s affairs, and his own conduct towards us, &c., whereby I apprehended the unity of the Society, touching us, was materially affected.
Previously, I introduced it to the preparative meeting as business, but Friends rather wished it out of doors, and evaded it on those principles, so that the interview was private. My son George was down in these parts about the 28th of the 9th month—in the 10th month, Lydia, myself with the child, removed to Skidmore Wilson’s—James Boon deceased—his death seemed to open new difficulties, not having complied with his engagements: but sometime after, viz: about the 1st of the 11th month, information was sent me of James leaving a will—on the 6th I went down—it is contested—a few days after Skidmore Wilson deceased.
The death of James Boon, Dr. James Craig, and Skidmore Wilson, hasall tended to introduce various intentions and considerations respecting me; my precipitate removal to Frederica was prevented by circumstances relating to James Boon’s estate, and a necessity of staying where I am by the death of S. W., at least for some time.
The quarterly meeting at Little Creek was a satisfactory time to me. J. I. had much to say in his public ministry respecting the unchristian nature of war—Anne Mifflin was there—very litllo business.
My mind since the 9th month last has been variously affected, and after deep travail, great anxiety and perplexity in the unsettled things of this life, brought to a condition of stayedness, attended with a degree of humility I was heretofore unacquainted with, viz: obligations to those who I least esteemed in my mind, condemned, considered vile, and dedegraded ; those who I w’ished to have no dealings or intercourse with ; these seem to be the very persons on whom, in a legal sense, I must de* pend on to substantiate lawful acts, whereby I and others are to obtain justice, and to be under obligations to such, seems very humiliating; yet have I found myself civilly treated, protected from the inclemency of the weather, fed and warmed by their hospitality, and not able to help myself; these things seems to destroy the great delight I take in independency, shows the necessity of society, enlarges my views of charity, and while I was musing thereon, brought to my recollection Peter’s vision, when he had declared he had not “ eat of anything common or unclean.” Men are very apt to judge of things erroneously, seeing as it were in the dark, when they judge with human judgment. So it w as with the prophet, depending on his own understanding, respecting Jesse’s eldest son.
8th of the 12th month.—Just returned from Maryland, went according to a notification to establish a will of James Boon’s which was appointed by the court for a hearing—put off by powerful council, notwithstanding 1 proposed to the court my willingness, (though illy prepared for trial) to have it acted on. These delays are very trying, and attended with great perplexity of mind, as well as very expensive, and toilsome to the body, where people live at a distance. I was pretty well supported with patience, expecting something of the kind; but just before I reached home my spirits were excessively agitated, and beset by the enemy to meditate on evil; but on my coming home, the countenance of my little child, together with the Divine favor, seemed to expel the previous disagreeable sensations, and an humble supplication was breathed forth in the secret of the mind, for the infant’s future wel-fare and spiritual preservation. Oh, the many ups-and-downs we meet with here ! A short time past, a man by the name of Peter White was executed at Denton, his situation, and circumstances attending him, has often since his confinement seized my mind. How happy the power and principle of truth can make us in the midst of apparent misery. Oh, that I may be made faithful to its dictates, and not swerve therefrom, that neither heights of prosperity, nor depths of adversity may elevate or sink me beyond the proper medium. My wife, on the rehearsal of circumstances, seemed to express herself with emotion, saying, #	*	* poor thing, she has been greatly tried—it may be for our
good—God grant it so.
Notes made 1st of the 2d month, 1802.—The death of Dr. W alton, who rented the property which formerly belonged to Dr. Craig at Fied-erica, necessitated me to remove there; therefore, I gave up the plantation I had rented of the administrators of S. Wilson, and made preparation for going up the country previous to my moving there. I saw the children at the school, negotiated some business at Wilmington, and returned. As the family moved into the house the day before my departure, Lydia went to her father’s—I believe she was not very wel-
come p. and B. were away, and she continued nearly in her usual
drudgery—our child had been long indisposed, but had somewhat recovered—the household goods were mostly disposed of—no bed—I had but a mattrass, and had boarded with S. W., and when his vendue was, G. S. was there, and I apprehended, expected me to purchase effects; the same expectation I apprehended was with respect to Lowbers vendue, from his hinting they had good furniture. While we were at S. W’s. I think he came but once, and that appeared to be to inform Lydia J. L. was likely to go away—neither did he give her anything, though he came regularly to meeting about halt a mile distance, and several times passed by the house within about two hundred yards. When James Boon’s will was contested, he observed to me, he would employ the ablest lawyer in Maryland, i. e., he would advise me to do so, but never offered his purse of guineas, he wished it to come out of my pocket, and seemed anxious for his daughter to have Boon’s property, though he was always very determined they should have none of his.
The day after my return from up the country I removed my effects to Frederica; Lydia still at her father’s, and as he had showed so much inhumanity, partiality, and unchristian charity, I wished Lydia to have remained with him, and I to have made out in the best manner I couldby myself, and conferred with her the night before my removal; seeing there appeared no disposition in her father to assist her under her difficulties (now become more complicated), and a greater latitude for censuring me for not accomplishing by legal advantages, the flattering, though false prospects that seemed to present; but I had been long accustomed to these glow-worm lights, and ignis-fatuus's to be tantalized into a belief of anything but increasing troubles from that quarter. I therefore endeavored to compose my mind, and regulate my affairs in the best manner my judgment and experience could devise, assisted occasionally by well informed council. Here it is necessary to examine other notes, which advert to facts, to establish the hypothesis.
The day I moved to Frederica, I remained with my effects, and that night lodged on the floor on my mattrass by the fire, it being pretty cool; the day following P. and B. came to G. S’s., and he went into Sussex or to Milford, and Lydia came with a few things from her father’s; he on his return met her, but did not call at the house, and some time after went through Frederica to Sussex without calling. I conjectured that he left home at the time above mentioned, in order to give Lydia an opportunity of taking some few articles, a bed, &c., that an excuse might be made that she took them, rather than that he gave them. As
I observed, he directed the hogs to be cut up in his discourse to B ,
and also as he had expressed himself, as I understood to P. IL, that he did not wish him to bring up any more of his furniture than a bed, by this means he could have an excuse for not being able to spare any; in this I seem more convinced, for Lydia had four hogs cut up and salted away for herself, and when they were sent for, had about the quantity of two hogs sent, saying his family was so large he could not spare any more—all his beeves were sold, none offered to Lydia—no milch cow, butter, &c., made scarce.
After we had been at Frederica two or three weeks or more, G. S. being summoned by the sheriff to attend on a jury at Frederica, called and took dinner at my house—this is the third time he was there in the space of three years—first, at Choptank, when Lydia was at the point of death, and he sent for—second, when I lived here before, when he and John Hunn had particular business with Jonathan Emerson—and lastly, the time alluded to, except the call at S. Wilson’s, to notify Lydia respecting J. Lam. Now, if such conduct bespeak the Father, Friend, or member of Society, I have no competent knowledge of parental duty or Christian order in religious connection. And why, orwhat reasons can he assign for such extraordinary conduct ?—none, perhaps, but that he will do as he pleases—and it is his pleasure to do as he does, and no person or authority has a right to call his conduct in question in these particulars.
Well then, if the said G. S., being an officer of the Quaker Church, (an overseer) and not responsible to the order of Society, I query who are they that are amenable, and what are the offences that criminate the members ?
Here it will be necessary to revise the minutes of the meetings for several years past, and annex circumstances, cases, and various concerns, acts and deeds, with the express letter of discipline, and see if matters are carried on agreeable thereto, without partiality or unnecessary delay, that judgment, according to the nature of the case, may be placed on them (offenders) in the authority of truth.
3d of the week and 2d of the month—preparative meeting. On investigation, and by confession, it was discovered that G. S. had a negro boy in a state of slavery, (not manumitted.) Two members, D. M. and J. R. very pressingly urged an early attention to this business.
4th of the week.—John Vining departed this life, was intered the day following. A few weeks past I saw him in apparently good health— the manner of his death and interment afforded me instructions with the circumstances of the day.
19th of the 2d month.—About this time the leading authority of the state seemed very much convulsed, and angry discordant pieces appeared in the public prints against each other—how interest sways, how men will try to pull down the fabric they have built for themselves, when their opponents are to profit by their labor; but how does the Christian stand affected at such time ? it shows whereon he has placed his building, and an evident distinction may be seen between the professor and the true follower of Jesus Christ.
I should be happy to see more liberality of sentiment among our own members, for it is very evident, that if the minds of individuals do not unite with certain persons or things, (perhaps in themselves evidently right). Such are rather as “speckled birds,” and not interwoven with the fine fleeces of fellowship, but rather kept at a distance, and not received into the arms of favor, or nursed in the lap of ease.
Last third day being monthly meeting, previous to the quarter at Third Haven, I was appointed a representative, so was G. S. and J. Rowland ; but they both excused themselves by saying they expectedto go up the country. As I had been several times arrested when in Maryland, and these opportunities seemed to be chosen, I observed to the meeting, if it should so happen, “ would the responsibility lay to the meeting ?” &c. J. Rowland soon got up and said the meeting would not be responsible; it was then agreed that I was at liberty to go or stay. On weighing the matter seriously in my own mind, and being fully resigned, I found it most easy to remain with my family, as my wife had lately been confined, and a hired girl very much indisposed— the measles thick in the place, and Dr. Round’s indisposition such as prevents his attention to practice. The comforts of life and conveniences are many, and I was never so well fixed, in a small way, since my first marriage, save the apprehension of future difficulties on the estates of John and James Boon, together with the illiberal conduct of G. S. towards us, which renders our situations unpleasant in a society capacity ; more so, indeed, than with respect to any outward wants, for I have a sufficiency of cash to purchase any really necessary thing, to which add the conveniency of obtaining at our doors any article we stand in need of, or the ready passway to Philadelphia, Wilmington, &c., either by land or water, so that there is no cause of murmuring on these scores. I have my health remarkably well at this time, and not too much hurried in practice, the people being in my neighborhood healthy except the measles, and some slight colds, for which there is not much medical assistance required ; but more especially by such as are sure to be called on for pay, they seem more cautious, and hold back much longer than those who are indifferent whether they make compensation or not.
17th of the 3d month.—Some time about the 5th or 6th of this month, having previously received two very pressing letters from T. Dickenson, immediately to come to Wilmington, on business of importance; I went forward agreeable to request, and learned *	*	*	*
I got up on the 6th day, noon, and came away early on 1st day morning, weather very cold. After my return I understood business was going on rather unfavorable in Maryland, that several suits were instituted against me—one execution (all suited to the quarterly meeting time, which is the time of their court,) issued by my friend Swiggett, with intentions to make a brave sweep, he wanted not only corn and fodder, but house and lot, all for about 20 or £30; and even of that the greatest part paid, if strict justice could take place—a debt intentionally assigned him by James Boon, the more readily to trouble me on.
Oh, the subtility of Satan, how friendly he will be to his faithful ser-vants ! he will instruct them to be “ as wise as serpents,” they will lick the dust, and then bite the heel, if their heads are not bruised.
Yesterday was a day of deep distress to me, owing to these various perplexing difficulties connected with the consideration of G. S’s. unfriendly deportment towards us, passing and repassing to Sussex and Milford without calling, and when I mentioned to him the situation and circumstances of things, with the necessity I should be under to *
 altogether silent—and being of the mind I sheuld be necessitated for
my reputation, to advert to ways and means that would be attended with much collision, even in a society capacity, my mind was much grieved. In this state of cogitation I retired to my room—occasionally read parts of Job Scott’s journal, which seemed somewhat to allay my troubled spirit; towards evening my mind was more composed communicated my situation to my wife, with desires that the earth might help the woman, and that as man and wife, we might not be without
the help of the Lord.
May I be enabled to press forward to the mark of the high calling in Christ Jesus, &c., to overcome every besetment that may await me, by false brethren, evil reports, or various adverse circumstances in this life, and never lose my confidence in God my Father, or Jesus Christ my Savior, or swerve from my religious duty to please man, or to obtain posts of honor or profit among men.
Last monthly meeting at Motherkill, 9th of the month, we had the company of W. Murphy, of Jersey, and Mehateba Jinkins, an ancient woman from New England; their labors of love were truly acceptable I believe, to a remnant, their testimony w as expressive of the low state of things among us—some pointed remarks they delivered in great humility and brotherly tenderness. The next day I was at Little Creek meeting, the ministry of both these Friends seemed to bespeak their knowledge of Divine communication, for they spake much to the purpose, and of the true state of society, though strangers among us.
11th of the 5th month.—Monthly meeting.—On the 7th day last, the 8th inst., was at Nathan Whitly’s, to attend Jacob Boon’s vendue of James’s effects; the libel against the will, or copy thereof, was sent me on Cth day last by J. Richardson—let G. S. know of this, and of B. Chance’s power of attorney—silent—he can neither give advice, nor money to support the suit—passes and repasses Frederica without calling on us generally—makes no enquiry about Lydia and the children of me, does not speak unless 1 do first, never invites to his house, andwhen we go, is very cool and indifferent—yet is appointed a represent tative to the quarter, and caretaker of the youth, how can these things be reconciled ?
2d of the 6th month.—About the 24th of last month was the quarterly meeting at Little Creek ; G. S. and others, representatives for Motherkill. The first day preceding, Christopher Anthony, from Virginia, was at Motherkill meeting—had good service, spoke encouragingly to the lowly and humble, but in his testimony remarked—that there were those who “ shut their eyes and stopped their ears, that they might not see and hear. His ministry was powerful during the quarterly sitting: described his early state and condition, reformation, con-vincement, &c. He had a meeting in Camden, in the Methodist meeting house, stood in the pulpit and spoke; also had a meeting in Dover, at the Court House. As I was returning from the Quarter, Daniel Mifflin and Samuel Howell asked me if I could not ride with the Friend into Sussex ; I agreed, and called at D. Mifflin’s that evening—next morning met the Friend at Isaiah Rowland’s—he had a profitable sitting there I trust, if the observations he made are duly attended to. Had a favored meeting at Milford the 4th of the week, next day at Cold Spring, day following at Georgetown, 10th hour, a. m., and at 4 p. m. at William Malona’s, on the borders x>f Maryland, where I parted with him, in much nearness, he expressing himself satisfied with my company; we had some instructive conversation (as we rode together) on the way.
A little previous to the quarterly meeting my mind was much agitated, and I had at times a propensity to open the state of some members of Society to the Quarter, on the reading and reporting to the second query ; for I have long believed that an investigation into the general and particular conduct of individuals, is much wanted, and until something of the kind is come at, our Society will sustain a considerable loss—the cleansing “ the outside of the cup and platter” will not do ; the inside must be examined into likewise, to render the whole completely clean.
But notwithstanding I was frequently exercised on the occasion before alluded to, as the business came on, and the weighty ministry delivered by different Friends, my mind was composed, and I was favored (at least for the present) to endure sufferings, and to forgive (measurably) my enemies, with a disposition to do good for many evils I apprehended had been done me, or intended, if they could be put into execu-tion. From this a sweet serenity ensued which lasted several days, with a very great extraction from worldly desires, and an humble thankfulness for the many mercies and favors received, both with respect to sickness and health ; and also for poverty and riches, likewise, for herein I see what it is to be abased, and what it is to abound, for where there were the most unfavorable prospects (Providence having blessed the means) there plenty abounds.
And herein I have often to my great admiration, seen and experienced the unspeakable goodness of God, in averting the devices of the enemy of our soul’s peace, and setting our feet, as it were, on a rock, when we had been wading, (in our own wills,) in miry places. Yesterday, during the silent sitting at Motherkill, my mind was contemplating what instruction, we as a Society, could say we had received from coming to meeting. The meeting being very small, (week days) and perhaps few concerned members there, the intrusion of outward business, and various cogitations to intercept, beset, and turn the mind aside from its proper duty—when it opened in view of my soul that the chaff must be burned up and that a fiery dispensation was absolutely necessary for our probation—that if God the Father, spared not his only begotten Son, and that it was expedient that he should endure sufferings, so also must all those who would be desirous to reign with the Son, be made willing to suffer with him. Soon after J. R. spoke on the goodness and mercy of Providence.
6th of the 6th month.—About this time I went with my wife into Maryland, to attend the Orphans Court, to answer to the libel, take more suitable council, collect evidences, and arrange the business in the best manner we could ; the day preceding we were in Dover—we were at Greensborough, Centreville, Denton, &c., and at several meetings appointed for Christopher Anthony, many were the times of favor after deep wading and hard labor among a mixed multitude; at such times it seems very difficult for people of other societies to keep still till tho minister begins to speak, for being so accustomed to voluntary preaching, they seem to be restless and uneasy till words are uttered, and when they cease from speaking, many are anxious to go away, notwithstanding they are so often warned against reverencing the creature instead of the Creator.
Our said Friend being much fatigued with hard traveling, seemed anxious to finish the prescribed tour and get to Duck Creek to their monthly meeting, and take a day or two to rest; and finding a draftonce more to visit Friends of Motherkill meeting, he arranged his matters so as to be there—his service was searching—at which time, viz. monthly meeting, two' Friends from N. W. Fork were there on a visit to families of the M. M’s., and performed part of the service—they were at my house the day preceding, and I went with them to two or three places.
This appears to me to be a service, if duly attended to, and from a right movement, likely to produce the most beneficial effect towards a reformation of any mode I know of; for after a submission lo the leadings and guidance of truth, it affords suitable opportunities for serviceable conversation relating to all matters of a spiritual or temporal concern, and the right management of things appertaining to us as a religious body of people, and gives great latitude to investigate and see the states and conditions of those of our families, who seldom have the opportunity of religious and free converse with those who from experience can fully “ testify the ways of God to man,” and are willing, having freely received, thus freely to communicate ; thus the inferior branches, the distant and remote ones, would be brought into view, and have to rejoice in the universality of God’s goodness to the children of men—“ to the Jew first, and also to- the Gentiles.”
15th of the month.—This day I went to Camden to see B. Chance, and being sometime taken up with the committee on special matters, we did not get to business till the afternoon, at Jonathan Hunn’s. My intention was to lay before Friends, viz., 1). M., J. H., and S. H.y (W. D. did not attend, being indisposed,) the state of matters relating to the business of Boon’s concerns, as well as the operations relative to B. C., and expected to convince them of the impracticability of any written or verbal negotiation between B. C. and me, relative to Boon’s business, that would be binding at this time, as I considered any act of this nature would effect former transactions, and render them more difficult of set* tlement, unless they were instantly adjusted by consent of all parties, and the concurrent privilege of the law of Maryland, or that kind of responsibility entered into that would in future indemnify and keep me harmless at all hazards, without regard to the recovery or assistance accruing from the said estates. The substance of the proposition was, that I was disposed to lay our matters before a few friends, and the above were named. The business in Maryland had not progressed, in fact, any towards a satisfactory close. I was in hopes to have had the matter at issue at the Orphans Court, to have got K. Carl there, butnot being able, and unadvised as to the most proper step, I was under the necessity of being governed by my own judgment, and all things considered, agreed at the Orphans Court to defer the business till after the term called the November term; I was induced so to do, on account of the uncertainty of getting proper counsel, unless at a very extravagant rate, and also apprehending if a court was especially called, and my attorneys indisposed, &c., and Jacob’s there, the Court, having fixed on a time, would suffer an unfavorable decision, by alleging as the other was prepared, I might have been also, and then I should be under the necessity of submitting the issue to C. C., who I had employed in the exigency, without a reliance on his judgment. After some conversation, I observed to Friends that I did not intend to have my hands tied ; I proposed to lay matters before them for their information, &c.. 13. C. seemed willing to submit all matters to Friends, and abide by their judgment, and seemed desirous, as W. D. was not there, to call in some more, and proposed Jabez Jenkins. I said I thought there were enough, for k was not my intention to commit myself in law, by any recent transactions of Society, and so endeavored to explain the matter to Friends. 13. C’s declaration, together with my observations, seemed to astonish D. M., and he hinted as though I did not adhere closely enough to my words, and expressed his surprise that I should refuse to submit to the opinion of my friends. Jonathan Hunn also seemed to infer there was power to compel, and I replied I was not afraid of the meeting, it was my wish to have it investigated there, and after his making a few observations respecting T. F., and some Friends in Maryland, observations respecting my conduct in this business, I seemed more anxious for a thorough investigation; by-and-by J. H. remarked Pleasant and Harry’s opinion from their counsel, N. H., and then I thought I saw through the business more closely, for I had known his opinion, and acting, or rather attempting to act in the business heretofore, and to whose humanity and gentlemanly conduct I am, or my predecessors are, more indebted, than to his law knowledge or extraordinary energy therein ; for if there had been no other attorney to chastise the administration of Boon’s than N. H., I am very sanguine in my opinion that the heavy debt to S. and M. Fisher would not have been in so favorable a way for settlement. Just towards the breaking up of the assembly, J. H. took me into the garden and queried with me if I duly considered the power B. Chance had, that if he assigned the debt into such hands as were not members, and they to sue and make a full demand, would it not increase the diffi-culty ? &c., to this I answered I had not considered it in that point of view, but was disposed to leave him at liberty, and was desirous my conduct should be looked into, as it seemed I had been censured, as I apprehended, without a due investigation ; thus the matter ended for the present. Next day B. C. called at Frederica on his way home, and said Dr. B. was very desirous to see me. I expected to have gone to-day to Camden, but being a little indisposed last evening, and it rained in the morning, my son George went ofi‘ without my knowing of it, while I was making these notes.
N. B.—I frequently remarked to B. C. since he attempted to undertake this business, that I considered it as rather injurious to me than beneficial, that from a friend, he might become my foe, and make others also ; that his motives were speculative, that he was not competent to the final and faithful fulfilment thereof under every circumstance, that, considered in some points, it might be injurious rather than advantageous ; but that if he was determined at all hazards to pursue it, it must be at his own risk, that I did not cordially unite with his interference ; more or less of this conversation was private—some in the presence of my wife, and perhaps in the presence of others.
I had proposed to Jacob Boon at N. Townsend’s, and it was acceded to by him, for a while to take all the properties of both the Boons, and pay all tho demands against them, and I to be entirely clear, implying the demands of tho Fishers as well as all others, and I considered that as there was James Boon’s will, it was but reasonable that I should not now suffer any loss. This same idea I always held up, and had expressed myself in this way frequently; but B. C. finding the negotiation pending between Jacob Boon and myself had fallen through, and the difficulties seeming to increase—like the animal in the fable who offered to drive away the swarm of mosquitos who had nearly glutted themselves, was informed that the last enemies would be more troublesome than the first, inasmuch as they would be more hungry, and destroy him altogether. This intimation I gave to B. C., but nothing would do, he must press forward through all difficulties, and having frequently teazed me by his perpetual coming, and circumventing negotiations (having not much to do, or being unwilling), fell upon these measures to enrich himself, and meeting with some encouragement from different persons perhaps, and my wife in particular, who discovering me much wearied and often perplexed thereby, w'as willing, no doubt, to be trying to do something. At a certain time, therefore, in Camden (in the yard ofJabez Jenkins), I said to B. C., as thee keeps plaguing me, I will tell thee what I will do, if thee wfill give me D. M., J. H., or G’s security, I will not only let thee have the business on the same terms I agreed with James Boon, but pay thee JglOO immediately, provided thee finishes this business at once; but remember, thee is not to go away and say thee has negotiated with Dr. Luff' on such and such terms, and no end to the time when; go and do it immediately, and I will comply with the conditions offered—he said he did not know whether they would be his surety, &c.; but that he would give as good as any could be asked in Maryland, and seemed to insist on the terms James had it. I said it is only under the circumstances mentioned, and 1 shall not consider myself bound hereafter, and I have made this offer from thy continually plaguing me, it is unreasonable that I should lose any thing, and so we parted, I being dissatisfied at his conduct. Some time after by investigating B. C’s intentions, 1 plainly discovered his drift; he had taken up several accounts, seemed very anxious to have the papers; he had brought down a letter from T. S., but I was unwilling to surrender the papers, and so reported to J. H., he said when would it be settled, I told him I could not tell, but the papers must not be surrendered, after his return from Easton (in Dover Green I observed that I did not like B. C. interfering, &c.). He replied (I think in substance) that lately he had considered the subject in a different point of view than heretofore, that it would rather be to my disadvantage his purchasing, &c., and I endeavored to explain (in a brief way and short time) my disapprobation, but as B. C. seemed very desirous to throw matters before Friends I was willing agreeably to the intent and meaning aforesaid, but not to foreclose any official concernment heretofore entered into with James Boon or others, whereby, increased if not insurmountable difficulties might be made, as under the present state and standing of affairs, might have it in my power to render more equal justice to the different parties, than after I had been confined by the rules of our society, which would only have an indirect influence on the common laws of the land, by which I am specially ***** 6th month, 16th to 27th, 180g.—Second part.—Some few days after our interview at Camden, I understood B. C. had intended by way of compulsion to press matters in the business of Boon’s estates, in which I had rather considered him as improperly interfering, than desired, or encouraged by me in his adventures, and to bring forward a complaint to the preparative meeting, if 1 refused to comply with his requisitions,and that in this respect he (B. C.) had the mind of most of the Camden Friends, they being, as I apprehended, differently actuated or influenced under the particular circumstances, but generally wishing to see this disagreeable piece of business more happily closed, and mostly concluding that it would never be settled by me; and many, rather cen-suring me either directly or indirctly, and a hope presenting from the promised activity and already exertions of B. C., who seemed indefatigable in his exertions: together with his plan, which was perhaps congenial with certain persons ideas, long ago desired to have been put in execution by me, but which I have ever thought inconsistent with the true and genuine principles professed by us as a people, indeed to the strict letter of the discipline, if properly construed. Inasmuch therefore as I had a hint that, under certain circumstances, a complaint would probably go forth, I found it necessary to prepare myself. I accordingly proceeded to Centreville, in Maryland, to consult Richard Earl, who I not only considered as a judicious attorney, but as a creditor also, who would be doubly interested in the business. On the 2d of the 7th month I was down there—had his opinion in writing with respect to my general plan of operations—as well as to friends, in my particular case. Thus prepared I impatiently waited the force of my antagonist, and when the preparative meeting sat expected to be mentioned, but as Thomas Stapler did not come down, all was still. After meeting B. C. went to G. S’s, and on my showing Earl’s opinion, and expressing my sentiments, I found G. S. had prejudiced his mind against any thing, otherwise than the proposed measures, without, in my opinion, duly weighing the future consequences; he said if I would not give up to B. C., I ought to pay the debts, and Lydia indeed seemed to censure me, as her father grew angry.
7th month.—In a few days T. Stapler came down, I believe B. Chance went up for him. About the 10th he, with B. C. and Israel Corse came to my dwelling at Frederica, it was the 7th of the week, I had been out somewhere, and on my return found them there. I soon •discerned T. S. had a solemn countenance, and appeared distressed, though he endeavored to keep up his usual friendly deportment, after <dinner we entered on the business, and I showed the different papers, expressed my mind freely to B. C., he appeared to be buoyed up by somebody, I perceived, and spoke consequential; at other times exclaimed against my proceedings, his own extraordinary exertions were recapitulated, and the impracticability of his being reimbursed, other than a total surrender.Note.—Certain propositions were made by me to B/ C. in the hearing of T. Stapler, he got over Earl’s opinion by considering him as a lawyer, inveighed excessively against James Swigget, &c.; by this time Thomas began to express his uneasiness—said he thought the business had been going on in harmony, &c., and seemed to manifest a true Christian anxiety. Israel Corse sometimes spoke and seemed to wish an accommodation. I apprehended he had been prevailed on to come down with B. C. and T. S. by some of the more influential Friends of Camden, for I plainly perceived there was much uneasiness relative to this and other connected circumstances, for the mere handling me in meeting would not be all, they well knew how I stood, and some others also. So that the operation, in one respect would affect other matters also; about this time the subject of spirituous liquors was before the meeting, which had been progressing very tardily, owing in part to the traffic of the Camden companies in this article, and some others were not entirely clear, and some unsuspected characters, and such as were most difficult to manage ; about this time Elisha Dawson and Levin Wright came from N. W. Fork meeting on a religious visit to Friends of our district, and a pretty close search seemed to be making. Our respected friend, Christopher Anthony, returning after his tour through Maryland to our monthly meeting, and speaking a plain, pointed language, relative to deficiencies, not to be contradicted; all tended to increase the anxiety in the minds of Friends generally, to endeavor to put things in better order; and these affairs of mine was well known in a particular corner of the meeting, to keep up a constant smoke from their origin, and sometimes to emit flames, which all knew w ere dangerous when applied to combustibles.
After the different agreements, it was proposed to meet at Camden ore 2d day next. B. C. and I. Corse returned, and T. Stapler remained with me. Next day, 1st of the week, we were at meeting, he went home with G. S., who invited him, and who had been more anxious, ire reality, than he seemed to be, and who, I have lately conjectured, was much more concerned, or connived at certain matters than I used to think; for when I came to recollect a few words spoken by T. Bowman just after my marriage, and connect circumstances and things, it seems to corroborate my suspicions respecting G. S’s conduct towards his daughter in the early part of this business, which was then unsuspected by me. In the interval G. S. had an opportunity from T. S. and B. C. to be fully acquainted with all matters pending between us; andas I had only proposed to meet them at Camden in company with Friends, without a final determination to abide the judgment implicitly, but apprehending wre should not fully close the business, I concluded it would be well enough to see them, viz : B. C. and T. S., at G. S’s. before they started for Camden, as well as to notify G. S. after what manner 1 stood affected in the business, and to guard against improper censure, for I had conjectured he had suffered his mind to be deeply prejudiced against me. I therefore proposed to him to take the estate himself and acquit me, but-he replied—“He should not incumber himself.” I then made the same overture to J. Stapler, this I thought necessary and a preparatory step to what might be subsequent. At this time I did not expect G. S. to be there, but just as we were about to start he said to B. C. he should be along.
As I had conjectured my proceedings had not exactly tallied with Camden Friends. I concluded not to stop at D. M’s, but went forward to I. Corse’s, and B. C. and T. S. following on, halted there. I wished to see him early in the day to remind him of the exact expressions that had passed between B. C. and myself, that there might not be any false constructions put thereon, presently along came G. S. and went to W. D’s, falling entirely to the southward of D. M’s, the usual port of putting in. Soon afterwards D. Mifflin came in, and matters began to be talked over. B. C. took out G. S., and I understood afterwards endeavored to persuade him to lend a helping hand to the business, but he peremptorily refused ; when the proposition was made and accepted by the parties concerned, there was a query who the Dr. would require as security, here it is to be noted that it was expected no security would satisfy (this particular and scrupulous person) but D. M., J. H., &c.; and I apprehend on sending down I. Corse, these preliminaries had been digested, when all of a sudden the Dr. exclaimed, Israel Corse ! what, Israel only, Daniel replied, and bursting out into a loud laugh, now I told you so—I like that—and what time for payment ? Three years I replied, that is well said Daniel again, and appeared to be full of emotion and almost relieved of his fit of the cholic which had just before so vehemently beset him. Garret’s countenance appeared to alter, and Daniel’s hilarity seemed to extort a small sensation in the lip of his friend Sip. Matters being once more, in imagination, brought to a happy conclusion, articles of negotiation drawn, signed, sealed and delivered, we, G. S. and N. L., were pressingly invited to take a cup of tea with our friend and able statesman, Daniel Mifflin.But strange to relate, among the subscribers (as security) to this long pending negotiation, Garret Sipple’s name at full length with his seal annexed, is to be found ; by what strange chism this was brought about, to me appeared unaccountable—that same morning he had absolutely refused, at his own house, having anything to do with the business ; at Israel Corse’s also, if B. C. tells true. I am induced to believe according to the old story, a great deal depends on the bell leader in pounding a flock of sheep j for though chatacteristic of the greatest innocence, no creatures are so headstrong, unless one leads the way, for though none could be got forward before, now none can be kept back, through thick and thin they will all scamper in. G. S. stayed all night at Camden, and next day came early to meeting. I returned that night immediately on the business closing, next day my wife subscribed to the instruments of writing, and it was put in the hands of D. M., &c.
As E. D. and L. Wright had not fully accomplished their visit to the w'hole of Friends families, on the 27th of the month they were at our meeting, and in some conversation with D. M., I understood that on D. M. reasoning with G. S., and withall refusing to subscribe unless G. S. did—he consented—so that it seems through the persuasion of D. M.; and not of the voluntary consent of G. S. his name is there to be found. Notwithstanding, the business should ever have been the honorable concern of G. S. as his daughter had involved herself since the death of John Boon, and not imputable to poor John.
8th month.—About the 8th of the month and 1st of the week, G. S. returned from Wilmington, this was a visit he had been long proposing to pay. Finding that G. S. had acted in the capitulation rather through necessity and constraint, than willingly, that he seemed to wish to pick holes in my conduct, and to find fault where there was no actual failings, to be distant, unfriendly and indifferent to his daughters circumstances, seldom inquiring after her or the children, and particularly the youngest, never visiting us, or inviting us to his house: if we went, well, if not, no appearance of welcome. He had furnished himself with a new sulky while at Wilmington. In a few days Philip brought the one I had given him in lieu of the old carriage, and which they had used occasionally for inferior services, and now, not finding room in the carriage house, they wished to get rid of it; but as I had previously prepared myself, I would not receive it, and sent back a message by P., which, by-the-by, I expect he did not deliver, but made some excuse.
Lydia and myself were at Greensborough and Denton the 2d, 3d dayTuesday in this month, the answer to the libel was read and received with an exception to one clause made by myself, &c., affirmed to by each of us.
About the 23d I was at Easton (quarter) with my son George. Susanna Matthews speaking of the state of society, expressed herself that things were much out of order, and required amendment, that she had had a view of things in her mind for some time past, more distinct than she could express by wrords. She was not at the youths meeting. J. Iddings was very large in utterance (doctrinally) and in supplication at the youths meeting, which was unusually still and quiet; and several seemed to be reached during his ministry, but for my own part I was not, and seemed rather to crave silence than words.
The time of making these notes, A. D., 1802.—I have from neglected or preventing causes omitted to enter as usual my monthly exercises and bodily labors as heretofore, the sickness prevailing in Philadelphia and Wilmington some time after, occasioned my sons to visit me; my family had been small, and I not well prepared for an increase, together with the still distant and unsociable state between my father-in-law and myself, he frequently passing and repassing my house without calling, not inclined to speak at meeting, and appearing nearly as unfamiliar with his daughter, seldom asking after the children, and particularly the youngest, increased my shyness and absence from his house, &c.; and I was seldom inclined to speak to him because of his conduct to me. About the 9th of the 9th month I asked him wh^ he so frequently passed my house without calling; he seemed a little confused, and made for his excuse he had not time—a poor one indeed, as he frequently went 30 miles and upwards to see the children of John Rowland, and but lately to see his daughter-in-law, &c., above Wilmington, and very strange indeed if he had not time to stop a few minutes to see his own daughter and grandchildren, as he passed through the very place of our residence, and within 50 or a 100 hundred yards of the house; in contemplating of these things, and recapitulating former occurrences, my mind has been greatly perplexed and agitated.
19th of the month, my practice now increasing in consequence of the general sickness, which about this season of the year becomes general, and expecting myself soon to be of that number, which, in a short time, was the case; for through various fatigues and exposure I was confined, and such the irritable state of my stomach that I could not relish internal medicines, therefore resorted principally to topical applications. Ifound when the hot weather increased my feverish habit became more intolerable, and my house not being airy, the general state of the atmosphere impure, I determined to go up the country, as soon as my condition wrould any ways permit The election now drawing on, and par-tizans very busily engaged in their respective parties, I began to be jealous of the fine and youthful vigor of my son Edward, who seemed most disposed to be mixing with the mass, and occasionally interfering. George, by indisposition and some other causes, appeared more indifferent and reserved.
A little preceding the general election J. I., who, while in Wilmington, had always expressed himself in favor of republican principles, when he came to Dutch Creek appeared to the thwarted by the misconduct of some of those who went by that name in respect to slave holding or kidnapping, and as James was engaged and assisting in restoring some blacks that had been in this dilemma, it gave him an unfavorable opinion of these mems conduct, and he was prevailed on to attend the election and vote contrary to his former sentiments; but in a succeeding quarterly meeting at Easton he disapproved of his conduct as being active at elections, and said he had voted once too often, and considered it as not altogether compatible with friends principles, nevertheless, it occasioned a great noise; an unguarded expression James happening to let out previous to the last general election in the hearing of some of a different sentiment, which had well-nigh tended to injure his religious standing, and has no doubt hurt his sensible feelings. Christopher Anthony had a religious opportunity at James’s School, and some of the children, it is said, were soon after touched with serious impressions, and James finding the old sheep not so tractable as the lambs, staid during the late quarterly meeting with his little tender flock, who were again animated by the company of some traveling friends, who spoke peculiarly to their conditions, to which add the death of one of the scholars, the first perhaps that had died during the opening of the school. About the 15th or 18th of the 10th month I proceeded with my son Edward up the country, and for the improvement of my health, &c. I found my strength increased and appetite improved the further I went to the northward—my stay was short—I was at Weston school and brought down my daughter, the sickness still increasing, I passed Wilmington, making a short stop, and left Edward to remain with his master in the country till the fever abated, it has been more mortal this year than in 1797 and 1798, to what cause it is owing I cannot tell, unless the con-tagious influence was more concentrated, or that the specific pow er was more immediately connected with the genuine plague.
27th of the 10th month.—On my return home I found B. C. on his way up the country, he informed me of the business in Maryland, that it was postponed till the 12th month, that he w anted sundry papers, &c. Lydia had before narrated her tour with Daniel Mifflin and Israel Corse, &c., to Denton, and the result—B. C. was gone I think four or five weeks, and returned by our quarter on his way home ; what an easy and expeditious way some people have of doing business !
Among other exercises, a person in the neighborhood, who makes high professions, and who is a plain man in dress, and a very frequent at-tender of meetings, in consequence of a supposed interference, coagila-tion, or information, intentional, or accidental, been eyed by me as a wolf in sheep’s clothing, and from late occurrences rendered himself more obnoxious to me—had frequently been the most forward as one of the committee on spirituous liquors in collecting them together, and on a special occasion in Camden, a little preceding the last harvest, affected to entertain a belief that the discipline would convict those who used it in harvest time, and seeming to urge the visiting of some particular families occasioned me to rehearse a particular case of a person as guilty of the very crimes he had been so largely inveighing against, and that too a special officer of the church, in a conspicuous station ; for I thought I perceived his intentions were to bring a charge against certain of his neighbors of rather lowish circumstances, and who were not sufficiently versed in chicanery to carry two faces, and steer safely between the rocks of Sylla and Carybdis, like the old pilots who were so well acquainted with the shoals and shelves of dangerous places, I therefore exhibited my testimony in a brief but explanatory manner, and on the further prosecution of this business, 1 had more reason to believe my conjectures were well founded.
11th month.—The next first day succeeding the quarter, although the subject of spirituous liquors was favorably reported of to the quarter, and not requested till the next, this same Friend convened the Friends on the subject (those that were present), and after some observations made by others, I observed in plain terms I apprehended that a wicked and malicious intention had influence in the interview ; this seemed to need further explanation, which I promised at a succeeding interview, and accordingly explained myself to the first elder of the meeting, who replied that D. M. had entertained the same opinion of *	*	*	andthat I was like him in my conjectures, &c.; various other matters of a controversial kind rolling in, tended at times to uneasy my mind, but I found I must press forward and make the best of them, that such things will happen in this changeable state of things, and that it will be expedient, as they turn up, to manage them in the best manner possible . like the skillful mariner, who, though he cannot command the sea, may govern his vessel.
On my return from up the country, and for some time before, I was seldom at G. S’s., and came to a conclusion not to visit him, as he did not me, and to treat him with the like indifference. About the 12th of the 11th month, I was called to see a hired man on the premises, with an invitation from P. H. to call and take breakfast. I having business another way, visited the man, but not G. S’s house; some days after I was sent for to see P. H’s. wife, said to be dangerously ill. I went, and Lydia having gone before me with the children seemed to make a more welcome reception, and the old man was more familiar than ordinary ; but I found the topic seemed principally about the wheat to be got out—that sown—stock, &c.; no question asked respecting the attendance of meeting, or any excuse for his long absence, and in my opinion I saw nothing to hinder his regularly attending, considering his convenience, and yet short distance.
The quarterly meeting now over, and a woman we had hired who was wanted by the family and obtained, seems to return things into their accustomed channel. We do not see them at Frederica as before. Lydia was there yesterday, but quickly returned with her father and J. K.; at Camden no friendly visits from P. and B., their turns are answered, and they have turned another way.
12th month.—On the 14th of the month and 2d of the week, we set off for Greensborough to attend the trial at Denton on the morrow ; we got there a little before dark, and D. M. and T. J. soon afterwards ; we proceeded on the day following, and the court being adjourned till next day—the testimony of the evidences on both side were taken on this and the preceding day—but the weather was excessive cold, and the senior judge of the Orphans Court not returning on 5th day, there could be no trial. It was, therefore, put off to the term in the 3d month, called March, and had like to have been postponed till that period, had not the attorney appeared just as the evidences were dismissed, and they were again called up. At this junction D. M. began both to see and feel the effects of Maryland disappointments, andwas just beginning to utter his lamentations as the attorney appeared in sight; tedious and formal was the examination of the evidences, and no less expensive ; to this add the excessive importunity for cash on all hands where demands could possibly be made, whether recent or of longer standing. I referred those who applied to me to 13. C., and he was almost out of patience with their continual dunning*
The articles of agreement executed at Camden, resting the property of the Boons in certain persons therein named, viz : G. S., D. M., &c., if it did not name B. C., yet it was intended that he should be the acting person ; accordingly he had a power of attorney from me, (at that time) and when my wife and myself came to Maryland, was to have a more efficient one, as he said it could not be effectually executed there, &c.; so accordingly, when we were there (in Maryland), in the 8th month, it was executed before Justice Young, and soon after recorded. In this it recited that N. Luff and wife had given full power to B. C. as their attorney, to act and do in all cases as the persons of attorney are generally invested with, but it did not recite for the special purpose of D. M., G. S., &c., and this was thus far overlooked by me, or I understood it so ; now the articles of agreement as before alluded to were in the possession of N. Hummond to draw the deed by, and he had not come forward, so that we could not exactly ascertain this fact; however, D. M. appeared quite out of temper, (we were then at the house of B. C.) when he read the power of attorney thus worded; and as the deed drawn by Joseph Bayley attorney was different than the one I had read over the night before, I seemed dissatisfied at the fullness thereof, fearing there was too much implied in certain expressions which would exact powers I had not received from the Boon’s—besides the word all being annexed to the respective names of the tracts of lands (of which there were nineteen, and one called Boar Point, near J. Boon’s dwelling-house left out, which made twenty in all), and as I had good reason to believe the titles were defective in many of these tracts, and but very small quantities of acres belonging to John and J. Boon out of very large surveys. I did not like the monosyllable all so often repeated, when, in fact, there might be but a slight title, or none to many of these names. On recapitulating these things to D. M , he seemed determined to set off home, but as I was very desirous of having the deed made, I proposed to draw it off myself; here it was proposed to show it to some person acquainted with these kinds of instruments of writings, and on C. Boyer examining it, and being of the opin-ion that a subsequent clause was full, as to the rights being confined to the expressions implying no more than the rights of John, James, and Lydia, including mine by intermarriage ; for the expressions of the deed recited a fee simple, and obligated to secure against the claims of posterity, who would not, in fact, claim under a parental inheritance, but by bequest of a stranger.
All these things seemed to make me cautious of conveying a bona fide deed for an uncertain consideration ; for, although it expressed £2000, yet it was meant as an indemnification, and nothing more intended and not prompt pay, therefore, when I gave a receipt on the deed, I had reference to the bond, that in future it might be understood that I did not receive cash in hand (£2000), but a bond from B. C., G. S., D. M., J. H., 1. C., and T. J. for that amount, to save and keep me harmless in the estates of John and James Boon, and that I had relinquished all claim and demand of, in and to the real and personal property of John and James Boon that was not already accounted for; but here it is to be noted, the expressions of the writings runs thus: “ at the death of John and James, now more than the appraisement in John’s estate was settled up, and the surplus entered on the register’s books.”
James’s estate never came into my hands, therefore I had to note this also previous to signing, and also the necessity of disannulling Bachelor’s powers vested in himself, which was done in the presence of Judge Hughlet and others, and it was concluded to have it altered as soon as convenient. The deed further stated that, “ they, the said N. L. and Lydia his wife, and the heirs of the said Lydia shall and will, when thereunto reasonably required, execute and make such further deed and deeds, assurance or assurances, according to the laws and customs of Maryland, to them the said G. S., D. M., &c., for the better or further securing or confirming the said land and premises to them in fee simple as shall, or may hereafter be required by them or any of them, their heirs or assigns.—In testimony, &c.”
17th of the 12th month.—Viewing the probable operation of this complicated business, looking at words, and then at ways, and reflecting what might be from what had been, I wished to act with caution, and I did not like the change of expressions in the new deed with the additional appendages, neither did my friend Daniel; the powers Bachelor had taken, contrary to Daniel’s intentions and meaning. The business was, however, for the present, ended, about 12 merid., and the property delivered over by Turf and Twig to Daniel Mifflin and ThomasJenkins according to an old custom, for the benefit of themselves and others, and we set off for our respective homes, and I reached there a little after sun set. In my absence a very ancient family negro had died, and my daughter Susan I found sick, myself fatigued, but I was, nevertheless, glad I had got safe home, for this journey had given me anxiety ; but previous to my setting off I felt a comfortable assurance of its proving more satisfactory, than I had any reason to expect, over and above the extreme cold, that was not contemplated, and so to the encouragement of my faith I found it to be in a peculiar manner.
4th of the 4th month, 1803.—Notes then made.—On our return from Denton and Greensborough, as noted on the other page, we found our daughter ill, she continued for several weeks very much indisposed, insomuch that her burial clothes were provided, expecting her every hour to expire; but at length she recovered, and is now perfectly in health. I was at periods indisposed myself, my feet and legs swelling indicated the coming on of the dropsy, with which I had, in a degree, been heretofore afflicted. My son Edward was down to see us, he being free and desirous of entering into business, and wanting the means to set him up, brought on a thoughtful exercise at times respecting the best mode of procedure, a consideration of my own conduct and the difference in the period of time, together with the many snares and entanglements the young and inexperienced are (particularly) liable to meet with. In reviewing these things I discovered that I had been mistaken in respect to my daughter’s education, that, however, good the counsel, excellent the rules, worthy the examples, &c. She and some others I had seen and heard of, had not profited so much as I expected they would have done; and that there was a point or two that would require the virtual attention of solid, sincere, and truly devoted Friends to the cause of truth to develope. I mean that strict attention to impress on the infant minds the fundamental principles of Friends, to use all diligence to endeavor to make them comprehend them, and to see they put them in practice, otherwise, the great object of the institution will be lost, and they will, after all, be turned out hypocrites in religion, and philosophical Deists from a Quaker college.
Note.—It sometimes happens that the best endeavors of parents and caretakers are frustrated, in such cases they will have the consolation of well done, and peace in their own minds ; but otherwise disquietude when the examination is made by the Searcher of hearts.
25th of the 5th month.—Since the last notes I was up the country atWest Town, and brought from thence my son Thomas, aged about 11 years, who had been there near three years, my daughter I had removed last fall, my reasons for so doing is, that the expense of school education exceeds in the cases of my children the profit they derive; and the circumstances of my finances heing lessened, I deem it prudent to curtail every unnecessary expense; and as we have a school in our village, by what assistance I can occasionally give them, make the advancement in school erudition nearly equal to what it has been, at a much less expense. If this can be effected, and their morals retained, all the purposes will be answered, and their little services occasionally had, besides the satisfaction of their company, and an opportunity of rendering that parental assistance in case of sickness, that would be difficult at a distance.
As there were difficulties attendant on their continuance at the boarding school, as mentioned above, so also there is on their coming home, they being released from the order observed, and kept to there, gives a liberty here, and being in a great measure without example, precept answers but half the purpose, they are too young to be much benefited by reason, and therefore the most powerful preceptor force must be used ; this application by an individual or two, reprobated or unaided by ten or a dozen, makes the work hard; but it must be the more unabatingly pursued, and now seems to be the only time, for if it is neglected at this early period, as bodily strength and vigor are attained, both these valuable means (reason and force) will be unavailably applied. My mind, as with most sojourners here, has been diverse, sometimes smooth and calm, at other times disturbed ; the weather has been for the spring season uncommonly cool and sometimes boisterous, there has been in the past month several snows and frequent hard frosts, that has done damage to vegetables, fruits, and forest trees, &c.; there has been but little general sickness, some particular places as between the two bays, and some of the necks, have suffered from partial sickness, especially low, damp grounds. The diseases prevalent were chiefly disorders affecting the lungs and joints, and mostly of the inflammatory kind.
26th of the 5th month.—On the 10th of the 5th month ut supra.—Daniel Mifflin, Jonathan Hunn, Israel Corse, and Thomas Jenkins, witnessed by Warner Mifflin, Samuel Edmondson, and Henry Godwin, signed a bond of assurance in the penalty of two thousand pounds for the due execution and performance of the trust reposed in Bachelor Chance,relative to the adjustment of the estates of John and James Boon, delivered over to certain trustees above named, and by Nathaniel and Lydia Luff some time past, when letters testamentary on the last estate was granted, at which time a temporary bond was taken till a more full one could be obtained, to be signed by the respective parties, this former bond being signed by Daniel Mifflin and Thomas Jenkins, only when the power above said was ceded over. When this obligation was shown to Jonathan Hunn, previous to drawing the draft more correctly, he made no exception to the contents; but after I had drawn it over and presented it for signature in his parlor, he seemed to make exceptions, and insisted there were expressions that would invest me with power to sue them immediately, and hold the penalty over their heads, as was his expression. I suppose he meant, according to the legal phrase, in terrorem, and when 1 insisted it was not so expressed, reading the words
over in the hearing of Dr. B , who was present, and who agreed
with me; nevertheless, Jonathan must have his own way, and being more influential than the rest, prevailed, drew an instrument of writing to his own mind, which, in my opinion (though I am no lawyer, nor do I attend the courts very often), was more intelligible, explicit, and pertinent to the case in question than his, which I have retained for future examination. With us there is no direct pay for clerkship, but a man who has a large store, or follows any mechanical or other employment that depends on public favor, is sometimes amply paid for these kind offices; and I would recommend my children and friends to be careful they do not involve themselves in such favors as cannot possibly be estimated, for sometimes they exceed tavern expenses or lawyers fees.
N. B. The clerks sometimes write wills ; I believe Jonathan Emerson’s was wrote by one.
On the 22d and 23d of this month was our quarterly meeting at Little Creek, there were some strangers there, not much public speaking. James Iddings was not so lengthy in his discourse as at some former times, though what he said appeared to be well received and to the purpose. There was an appointment of a clerk and assistant, the former one, S. Troth, having served a considerable time, and I apprehend to general satisfaction.
I think I perceive the necessity for a strict watch and guarded care in the nomination and appointment of officers in the church, that we be more careful to have such as are evidently approved by the spirit of truth, than selected to answer the mere purposes of men, and that in allthe deliberation of church discipline, as well as ministry, there be a single eye to the glory of God, more than to our own wills; for if we pretend, or presume to worship the Deity, according to the mediatorial office of his son (the Savior of mankind), must we not be a meek, humble minded people ? and does our aspect, dress, address, and deportment at home as well as at these congregated times, testily a\ e are in verity and truth what we profess to be, as to the general ? I mean not to single out a particular (overlooked) character, but, generally speaking, rich and poor, wise, learned or unlearned, young, middle aged, or those more advanced, who have an actual and undeniable right in society, whose conduct can be established by proper proof and matters of facts; not the bare reliance on hypothesis or presumption ; not the guess work of evil thoughts or intentions, but such words, works, and ways as are diametrically opposite to the true intent and meaning of the discipline on the fairest and fullest construction. Now, if the acknowledged members thus violating the rules of society are suffered to go on in wicked ways, obvious to the world at large, and known to the proper officers of the church, but who, through weakness in themselves or families, not from real humanity or charity, neglect to discharge their duties—must not weakness ensue, and to what extent, I ask, is the general depravity more owing than to this source, which has for its basis the excessive love of the world ?
23d of the 6th month.—For some time past the weather has been remarkably clear, rather coolish, and the atmosphere so free from clouds that for several days there has scarce any appeared, so that I have at times felt an animation almost equal to a cordial taken into the stomach. Some short time preceding this kind of air, there was plentiful showers of rain, and some heavy gusts of thunder and lightning, and in some places a fall of hail; but I apprehended this has been the case more generally to the N. and N. E.; to this add the clearing of the country, which suffers the winds to come a greater distance, wafting with them whatever is exhaled from the earth and waters.
I have not attended meetings so regular as some time heretofore, from sundry letts and impediments as the disability of my horse, practice, &c. but also from the state of my family, thinking it more proper to stay at homo; particularly on first days when our meeting is in general pretty full, to keep order, decorum, and quietness there, rather than by presenting myself with others in form, leave my own dwelling in disorder.
4th of the 7th month.—A few days past the weather was excessivelywarm, and being indisposed I could scarcely get my breath, and was under the necessity of being constantly fanned; the day following it was so cool as to require a fire, there having been a pretty plentiful shower of rain.
24th of the 7th month.—The weather in general is excessively hot— I have enjoyed a tolerable share of health latterly, and tranquility of mind. I find that moderate labor is very helpful in this respect—my two younger children (by my former wife) are with me, but do not improve much in manners or erudition; but I must have patience—my eldest son is lately married, and in these parts with his wife at this time;
4th of the 9th month.—From the commencement of the summer there has been a great draught in many parts of this continent; in the upper part of this state (Delaware) and Pennsylvania, but just in this neighborhood, (Frederica) there was several showers during its greatest severity. The flux has prevailed in the neighborhood and now the fall fever : my family has been afflicted therewith, and on first day last my present wife’s eldest son was taken with a chill, vomiting and fever, symptoms of that complaint, and on the fifth day following, departed this life—his remarkable health, vigor and lively disposition a little preceding, made the separation more impressive, while the younger one, weak, feeble and languid, was continued. Three of as healthy people as lived in this village a few weeks ago, are now removed to the silent grave ! What an awful consideration is death—and how uncertain the life of man. On the day of my child’s interment, as I rode to the meeting-house, my mind was remarkably tranquil, and while I was musing, that passage of Holy Writ which recites our Savior’s fasting forty days, &c., wras livingly revived in my remembrance; and the application seemed to imply, a total abstinence or rejection of all sin. That fasting of body produced humiliation of mind, was preparatory to prayer, so that fasting, humiliation and prayer, were necessarily connected together.
Here silence, solemn, awful silence, receives the full benefit of the inspeaking word of life ! There were but few at the burial, being but few invitations, for I felt a repugnance in my mind at parade in funerals j and being somewhat exercised respecting the polish of coffins and ridging as things unnecessary, I requested the cabinet maker to have the lid flat, and without polish, reminding him, at the same time, that it did not proceed from fancy, or a desire of being singular, but, as 1 apprehended, from motives of duty. This same man made a cradle for this child,and I directed it to be made of poplar or pine, not of walnut, and without a top, as is pretty customary; my reasons were, it would be much lighter and easier moved about, better to put the child in and take him out, and also as my first child by my former wife was rocked in a plain and not costly one, and I did not wish this to have any better. When it was brought to my father-in-law’s, G. S., for we then lived there, he seemed offended, and asked why we did not get a walnut one—or it might have been painted he said; so that when this duty appeared to be presented to my mind, these occurrences were revived, and he being at our house a few days before, to see my wife, who was much indisposed, (which had not been the case for a long time before,) frequently passing and repassing within fifty or sixty yards without calling, though he could go fifty miles to see his step-children and daughter-in-law, &c. It seemed to be fixed in my imagination that if G. S. saw it in this unusual form, he would be displeased, and attribute it to whim or singularity, and a query arose shall I not give up such intentions and have it in the usual form—would it not be better than disgust him, and perhaps other friends, who have frequently, privately or publicly, faulted me for my conduct, and particularly with relation to G. S., insinuating I ought to try to please him, &c., but when I began deeply to consider the source from whence this duty sprung, as I believed, and the cross, fearing to be accounted singular, &c., and well knowing that I did not mean an offence, I felt easy at the direction I had given, and the child was interred in the coffin according as I directed. And now what shall I say with regard to the awful majesty of God, who killeth and maketh alive—did he not command the death of my child ? was it not removed for some good and wise purpose at present not seen or known by me ? had he have lived to mature age, what might have been the consequence ? When I reflected in this manner, there seemed to be a willing surrender of him by me, with a humble confidence that Providence orders all things for the best of purposes.
26th of the 11th month.—Great and inexpressable have been the anxieties of my mind and affliction of body. I have been confined and blind for a time, with a violent inflammation of my eyes, during which period several perturbations have arisen from outward circumstances, very hard to bear by that human spirit which governs in outward, domestic, or civil concerns, and requires the human faculties to act upon in our daily progression through this life, which, independent of the Divine and immediate co-operation of the Holy Spirit is, I believe, con-sidered sufficient by a large and considerable number among mankind (even in Christendom), who have not yet come to experimental knowledge of this Divine principle. I have waded in darkness and in the gloomy regions of the shadow of death, may I not say, without comfort, only as I could have a glimpse now and then of this holy and indwelling power. Satan seemed at times to have dominion, and to have the rule of my tabernacle, and was constantly suggesting powerful inventions— my thoughts were much turned to the conduct of many individuals among the members of our Society, called Friends, who, from their conduct, I considered as foes to me, as also among other societies and highly professing Christians ; acting and doing very irritating to human nature, stamped with ingratitude, insult, and unneighborly proceedings. I attempted privately to pray, but there was mostly dryness—going and being at meeting was burthensome, and the sight of certain members disgusting, tending to revive old grudges. I was tossed and seldom comforted, nevertheless I plainly saw (in the inward man) the anchor of hope, and love towards my Divine Master and heavenly Parent substantially fixed in my heart, and I struggled and prayed to be enabled to overcome all human passions and evil propensities, and to possess the lamb-like spirit, and to love and do no evil to those who I had thought had or w’anted to do evil to me and mine; thus it was with me for several weeks, preceding which, I had appointed to go a small distance with some public friends, but went no farther than Milford meeting, apprehending there were a sufficiency of Friends to go with them (my son George accompanied them to Cold Spring), but more especially I let in a belief that I was not wished to proceed by several of the members of our own meeting, notwithstanding 1 was requested by an elder (D. M.) before I set off; and as there were several necessary concerns, besides my practice, I was fearful 1 might be censured on that score, however, I was laid by for a considerable length of time, and did very little practice; and have not been able fully to see whether I did right in staying, or whether I was remiss in my duty in not going, in my short tour with Christopher Anthony, I had sweet peace of mind.
26th of the 11th month.—During this interval my eldest son Edward Luff was suddenly brought to the brink of the grave by an excessive hemorrhage of blood from the bowels, may the Lord be pleased to sanctify this affliction to bis benefit; and my own bodily affliction to the furthering of the knowledge of the great truths of the everlasting Gospelof our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ, in a more permanent establishment and unspeakable belief therein.
On sixth day, the 25th of this month, there was an appointed meeting at Motherkill for a Friend by the name of Clayton Brown, who was desirous of having general notice given. I was requested to give notice in my neighborhood; I was at meeting and the friend spoke on several important heads, endeavoring to explain the nature of true gospel power; he was led on for a while in this way, and in his ministry seemed to have peculiar openings respecting certain states, in a very remarkable manner, and concluded with the awful warning of “ there is Ephraim, let him alone!” and my spirit shall not always strive with man, and with a tender and affectionate address to the youth.
27th of the 11th month.—After meeting I went with my son Thomas to Dover, and on the way, as I was questioning him on the discourse delivered by the before mentioned Friend and other relative subjects, my mind was suddenly turned towards the situation of Moses, where he was attempting to defend the cause of his brethren—the Israelites under their hard taskmasters, the Egyptians, and only a peculiar explanation of his conduct when he killed the Egyptian (viz., Exod., ch. 2d) and hid him in the sand, so that a holy rhapsody seized my mind and prevented, for a while, utterance, and I shed tears ; discovering my son, a lad of about twelve years of age, comprehended something was the matter more than usual, I thought it my duty to explain to him the meaning of my seeming disorder, and, with all, to admonish and precaution him to be attentive to what might in a few hours succeed this holy covering, as I expected to meet with abuse and irritable language, &c., which soon after took place, but my mind was pretty much stayed and supported by this divine irradiation and the holy covering I had a little before experienced, and I earnestly supplicated, privately, Divine Providence to support, sustain, and keep me in a true Christian warfare, and that my covenant with the God of Abraham might be so permanently established as never to be shaken, and that my living faith might be as was his.
4th of the 12th month.—On second day last the 28th of the 11th month, was our quarterly meeting, held at Little Creek for the Southern Quarter; neither the clerk nor assistant were there, so Samuel Howell and Joseph Turner acted in their places. The meeting for worship was short, there being important and very interesting business likely to take up much time, there were several ministering Friends there of men;viz., Rodger Dick, from Chester, Pennsylvania, Clayton Brown and Peter Andrews, with their companions, from Jersey, besides women. Among other things it was proposed for the consideration of the Quarter, the expediency of discontinuing the southern boarding school opened at Duck Creek, &c.; the meeting was adjourned till the close of the youths meeting on 3d day. Rodger Dick had a remarkably favored time, and powerful heart-searching testimony, concluding with fervent supplication; afterwards the quarterly meeting for business w as opened, and the subject of the school’s committee claiming particular attention, they brought in a report to continue the school one year longer under the foregoing regulations; but in the reception of scholars of other denominations, who were to be altogether subject to the rules of the school, not even to the exclusion of one of our own members. 1 here was but one dissenting voice to these propositions, and that with a modest submission.
I had been in suspense respecting my attending the Quarter myself, but when the time came I w ent and took my two children, Susan and Thomas, in the carriage with me, and though it was rather burthensome to our horse, yet I found an advantage in seasonable and suitable discourse on our way thither, we got there just as the meeting was gathered, and came away immediately afterwards, avoiding the usual converse that sometimes unprofitably engrosses our attention both before and after meeting, this precaution afforded a peace and tranquility of mind. I lodged at Thomas Fisher’s, where there was no company, and next day was equally pleasant, and as soon as meeting was closed proceeded home, without dining by the way.
It was proposed to have a meeting next day at 3 P. M., at Frederica, it was accordingly held at the house of John Emerson, and many people attended. Peter Andrews had good service, he is now in the weighty exercise of visiting families belonging to Milford meeting. This service was performed as reported to our monthly meeting. Rodger Dick, after taking a circuit in Maryland, returned by Cold Spring and Milford to Motherkill, and had good service, with much weighty and powerful ministry, though very much disordered in body.
12th of the 2d month, 1804.—Some weeks past, after deep exercises and oppression of mind, my conclusions were, by divine assistance, to bear wrongs and ill treatment with passiveness, and not to retaliate, considering my Christian profession, a Quaker! and the fundamental parts thereof consisting of humility and self denial; in this state of cogitation,for it was during the hours of silence in bed, many comfortable considerations were presented to the view of my mind, and the daj follow -ing as I went to meeting several parts and passages of Scripture appeared to be remarkably elucidated—as our Saviour’s temptation and fasting, and his power to reject the bait equally also to us through him, by his holy spirit communicated immediately; also that passage of holy writ, “ Out of his belly shall flow' rivers of living water, &c.” These reflections seemed to give fresh animation, and I went forward rejoicing in holy and silent quietude; but I have since ielt the ardency of mind somewhat damped, and a want of the repletion of this dail} bread, and that of myself, “ I can do nothing,” i. e. (good), iheie is a necessity of watching, fasting, spiritually and bodily perhaps, and sinceie ardent prayer. There appears to be something more than mere torm in this enjoined duty of the Romish church (fasting), for I plainly perceive 1 eat too much, more than is beneficial to my corporeal body, for a pretty good state of health, and the ordinary nourishing diet which this season of the year generally induces, excites to this excess, and I believe there are many disorders which this is the very foundation of that are not comprehended sufficiently, as proceeding from this source, either by the physician or patient, so as to apply timely and suitable remedies, or as a preventative thereto; may not this observation then very justly be applied to me, “ Physician, heal thyself,” yes, I except the notice and acknowledge the defect; and for this very reason I notify others that they may have more prudence and command of themselves than to adopt my errors. Nevertheless, I very frequently use bodily labor, and when it is not in the extreme is a powerful restorative, in such cases it both quickens the appetite and assists digestion. For some days past I have been reading Moore’s Journal while in France during the revolution, and till the extinction of Louis the XVI. There are many circumstances therein related of a very interesting nature, highly instructiv e, and which shows the great uncertainty of human events.
12th of the 3d month.—On 5th day last, the 9th instant, a ministering Friend by the name of Bonsel, with his companion, attended our meeting—they had been at the Quarter. His discourse was easy, fluent and intelligent, tending to explain the nature of Religion, (which he observed was a simple thing,) the qualification of Gospel ministers, &c. There was not a very large gathering—the meeting ended with supplication.
For some time past 1 seem not to be much abased, nor greatly toabound, either in a temporal or spiritual way, no great increase of practice or acquisition, yet enough ; no great depression of mind or bodily infirmity, yet a sensibility of the necessity of a guarded care, watchfulness, and temperance in eating and drinking. In some instances, as I apprehend, unkind and unfriendly proceedings against me by those who are denominated Friends and relatives, and yet a good understanding with others, sufficient to support good neighborhood and kind offices with a remnant; and when I consider the frarky of human nature, and the various vicisitudes of this life, what right have* I to expect any better ? what earthly thing can produce any permanent felicity ? I must travel on, therefore, in a pilgrim-like progression, looking forward with hope, endeavoring to do my work in the day time, and if there is but one talent allotted me, be careful not to bury it in the earth, but wisely improve, considering the man’s days here, as expressed, are “ few and evil.”
1st of the 5th month.—This spring has been remarkably backward as to vegetation, and most of the fodder exhausted, so that the creatures arc generally very poor, and people much distressed on account of food for them, but nothing in comparison, from report, to some other places, where the drought last summer was more severe, winter longer, and cold more intense. The irregularity of the w eather during the past month has been such as to effect the inhabitants generally w ith coughs, but is within a few days past more pleasant; the trees m bloom, and vegetation advancing renders the air salubrious; it is also from the north and wrest, and my system has been braced, and my bodily sensations pleasant, my mind stayed, established, and unusually tranquil, insomuch so that I have been almost at a loss whether to attribute it to a natural or preternatural cause, or both.
On first day last I w as to see my father-in-law, G. S., he had sent for me some days preceding, through the medium of P. H., as a physician, on account of his throat, w hich was very painful. On first day last I was there, and he seemed more free from fever, and expectorated more freely than for some time past, and on my observing I thought him better than when there before, he seemed to shake his head, and intimate he did not think so. Yesterday, Lydia and myself set off earlier than usual to call there as w e went to meeting, and were met on the way by a messenger coming for us, with information he was dying; when we got there, and went in the room, I gave him my hand, my mind being tendered—he held out his—Lydia did the same—some time after he desired to be sup]H>rted in bed, and he was.2d of the uth month.—After setting up a short space he desired to be let down, his breathing was laborious and attended with that noise in the throat called the rattles ; he appeared to be entirely sensible, and his eyes were clear and bright, quite free from that gloss that generally precedes immediate death. I did not feel his pulse, but concluded he might probably survive till the evening, and so proceeded lo meeting j after meeting information was sent ot his death, he departed about twelve o’clock, with very little struggle, dying very easy, as was represented by the spectators,
A little preceding his final separation, P. H’s, eldest son, whom he had particularly named after himself, passing by, as reported by \\ illiam Wilson, G. S. held out his hand to him with a very affectionate appearance of a final farewell, no doubt desiring to impress his memory with the future recollection of his person, &c., as it is intended, it is said, for this child to have much of his property. An old family negro came in while I sat there, and being desirous to speak to him, I expected the old man would have held out his hand to him, but he did not; and 1 apprehending he wished to speak to his former master, &c., after his standing a while motioned for him to set down, as there was a vacant chair, he did so for a short space, and soon retired.
A few days past, when Lydia was there, her father, as she told me, desired her to take out his gold buttons ajul tie his sleeves with strings, saying they hurt him, then added, “ put them up for that little child, meaning Garret, her youngest child, if he should live to wear them, if otherwise, thee may have healthy ones.” She then queried of him if he had settled his outward affairs to his satisfaction, if he had made his will ? to which he replied in the affirmative. She then desired him to let her see it, “ he refused, and said it was not to be seen till his death,” of course too lale to be altered, whether just or unjust. She having reported thus much to me, I was pleased she used so much freedom, believing it had been the cause of much uneasiness to her from the reports that had been circulated respecting it, from seemingly good authority.
5th of the w eek, and 3d of the month.—This day about eleven A. M. G. S. was buried in Friends burial place, at Motherkill meeting, attended by a respectable body of people, his coffin was plain, and the procession orderly and comely ; after the burial, Lydia and myself went to the house and dined with a few of the children and connections, apd returned in the afternoon to Frederica.Memorandum made this 16th of the 5th month, 1804.—When my father-in-law, G. S., was drawing near to his final close, as above related, my mind seemed unusually calm and composed, with, I hope and believe, a solemn covering of the awfulness of death, and a perfectly resigned mind as to the disposal of his outward substate, both with respect to myself and family, and a degree of tenderness for the weak and tottering frame which the soul was very speedily to leave behind. As the day in which he died was our rneeing day, I concluded I could be of no real use, and apprehending his dissolution might not take place till the evening, I proceeded thither, but before the meeting ended, a
messenger was sent to inform Friends of his death.
©
16th of the 5th month, 1805.—Daniel Mifflin and Samuel Ilowell went with me to the house, and concluded on the time of interment, &c., and after dinner returned.
As the circumstances of his outward affairs had been the subject of much conversation among the people at large, there was inquiries made respecting his will. Some reported it one way and some another, it had been circulated that he had said he should not have made any ; but, on account of his grand-daughter, the child of his son Thomas, 1 meddled very little about the matter, not even making an}7 specific inquiry till
sometimo after his interment, being at the house of John G e, it was
reported that Daniel Mifflin had exclaimed much against it, and that had he have known how it was, &c., he should have interposed, nevertheless acknowledged that when it was made, G. S. gave it to him to peruse, but he did not examine it. I took an opportunity sometime after to inquire of Daniel respecting these matters, and having had a hint of part of the divise, observed to him that as to the bequest given to my wife, I considered it more favorable than I expected, at least so far as respected myself, he intimated he was glad I could consider it in that point of view, and added but little more and withdrew. Some few days after this interview, which was at the meeting house, I went to Dover, the will being proven and letters granted to the executor—I obtained a copy as follows:—
The last Will and Testament of Garret Sipple, deceased.
I, Garret Sipple, of the County of Kent, in the State of Delaw are, being sick and weak of body, but through mercy, of sound disposing mind and memory, do make and establish this myilast Will and Testament in manner and form following:—1st. I give and bequeath unto my grand-daughter, Eliza Sipple, daughter of my son Thomas Sipple, deceased, one cow and calf.
2d. I give and bequeath unto my daughter Lydia, by the name of Lydia Luff, fifty pounds a year during her life.
3d. I give and bequeath unto my grandson, Waitman Luff, fifty pounds, to be paid to him when he arrives at the age ot twenty-one years.
4th. I give and bequeath unto my grandson, Nathaniel Lnff, fifty pounds, to be paid to him when he arrives at lawful age.
5th. I give and bequeath unto my daughter Elizabeth, by the name of Elizabeth Hardcastle, the whole of the plantation whereon I now live, together with all the lands purchased by my father at sheriff’s sale, formerly the property of Joseph Miller, so that she, my said daughter, may have the whole use of said places until her son, Garret Sipple Hardcastle arrives at the age of twenty-one years, at which time the aforesaid places are to be given up to him, the said Garret Sipple Hardcastle, to be and remain from that time the property of the said Garret Sipple Hardcastle, his heirs and assigns, forever. Likewise I give and bequeath to my said daughter, Elizabeth Hardcastle, all my lands and marsh in Little Creek Hundred; and also 1 give her that plantation in the forest of Murderkill Hundred, whereon James Coston now lives, with all the lands thereunto belonging and adjoining, and also I give her all my lands in the Hundred aforesaid, whereon Absalom Gibs now lives, and George Guy now lives, and Joseph Gibs now lives, with one hundred and fifty acres of land purchased of Richard Lockwood. She, the said Elizabeth, to hold all those last mentioned lands during her life, with all the profits arising therefrom; and at her death the whole of them to go to my grandson, Garret Sipple Hardcastle, provided expressly he, the said Garret Sipple Hardcastle, shall be then twenty-five years of age: but if he should not, his father to have the use and profits of the same until he does arrive at said twenty-five years of age, at which time my grandson, in case of his mother’s previous death, is to possess the same—him, his heirs and assigns, forever.
6th. My will and desire is that the balance or residue of my personal estate, after paying my just debts and the before mentioned legacies, and the annuity of my daughter Lydia, shall be kept by my executor hereafter to be named, until my grandson, Garret Sipple Hardcastle, arrives at lawful age, at which time he is to receive one half of the same without interest, and the other half of the balance or residue ofmy personal estate to be paid to him, the said Garret Sipple Hardcastle, at the age of twenty-five years.
Lastly —I do hereby nominate, constitute and appoint my son-in-law, Philip Hardcastle, my whole and sole executor of this my last Will and Testament, hereby revoking and disannuling all other or former Will or Wills heretofore by me made or caused to be made, as also ratifying and confirming this to be my last Will and Testament.
Signed, sealed and pronounced, in the presence of Daniel Mifflin, Samuel Howell, Jonathan Hunn.
In witness	whereof I have hereunto set my hand	and	affixed
<	'i	my seal this,	seventh day of the eleventh	month,	in	the	year
I	S	°f our Lord,	Eighteen Hundred and Two.
Garret Sipple.
On perusing the foregoing instrument of writing (as duly registered in the office of Kent County), and taking the copy from the original Will, I discovered it was in the hand writing of Jonathan Hunn, one of the evidences.
11th of the 11th month.—Since the last minutes herein made, 1 have been principally in and about home, attending to my domestic affairs, and pretty generally at meetings, especially on week days for worship, for they seem to afi’ord no more satisfaction than those on 1st days; the assemblage being then small, and such chiefly as go for meeting’s sake, •or by the rules of society, are laid under greater necessity.
“ None are so blind as the Lord’s messengers, or deaf as those whom be hath sent,” I think is a passage recorded somewhere in Holy Writ. By which I understand the necessity of an entire resignation to the divine will in all his requirings, without our attempting to make, alter, or amend any of his commands, or taking to ourselves any merit in our performances; for the Almighty bringeth forth good out of evil, i. the wicked devices of degenerate man, wherein they would and do injury to their fellow creatures, and other parts of the creation ; by tlie wise interposition of Providence is converted into bLessings.
10th of the 12th month.—About the 25th of last month was our Quarterly Meeting at Little Creek; we had the company of that worthy, solid minister, Rodger Dick. There w*as not a great deal said, but what was, was much to the purpose.
The school heretofore established at Duck Creek was agreed to be ■discontinued, when the term for which the tutors were engaged expired,which would be some time next spring; many were deeply affected at the school’s discontinuance.
9th of the 6th month, 1805.—I was at our Quarterly Meeting at Little Creek, held last month. John Simpson and other public Friends were there—John Simpson, in particular, had good service, and imparted wholesome advice in the meeting of business. I returned home that evening, my wife having left a sucking child, and withal, 1 seemed not to have an inclination to remain till the youths meeting: 1st, because there is generally great gathering of curious people who come to see and be seen, and afford but little solid satisfaction in a religious improvement, but are much outward in conduct and conversation; 2d. 1 he spending twenty-four hours in feasting abroad, while a family left at home are sustaining a loss by undue liberties and without restraint, seems to produce a deprivation of the fragments that might be usefully gathered up.
The last entry made by Doctor Luff in his journal was about six months previous to his death, which occurred at Frederica, Del., on the 21st of January, 1806, after a short illness, of the quincy sore throat, in the 50th year of his age. His daughter Elizabeth was born on the 11th of January, ten days preceding his death.
Nathaniel Luff and Elizabeth Fisher were married the 21st of November, 1780, and the following w ere their children :
Edward, the first son, was born in Mispillion Hundred, Kent County,. Del., December 30th, 1781—died in St. Domingo, W. I., June 28th, 1811.
George, the second son, wras born in Jones’ Neck, county aforesaid, October 14th, 1783—died in Camden, Del., December 31st, 1827.
Margaret, the first daughter, was born in Mispillion, October 25thr 1785—died April 9th, 1793.
Caleb, the third son, was born in Frederica, Del., March 6th, 1788— died October 5th, 1790.
Susanna, the second daughter, was born in Frederica, March 29th, 1790.Thomas, the fourth son, was born in Jones’ Neck, January 18th, 1793 —died in Frederica, April, 19th, 1843.
Mary, the third daughter, was born April 9th, 1795—died the same day.
Nathaniel, the fifth son, was born October 1st, 1796—died October 19th, 1796.
Elizabeth, wife of Nathaniel Luff, died in Wilmington, Del., October 6th, 1796.
Nathaniel Luff and Lydia Boon were married October 16th, 1798, and the following were their children:
Whitman Sipple was born January 7th, 1800—Died September 1st,
1803.
Nathaniel 2d was born February 2d, 1802.
Garret was born December 6th, 1803.
Elizabeth was born January 11th, 1806.
Lydia, second wife of Nathaniel Luff, died in Camden, Del., May 24th, 1838.