LIBRARY Connecticut Agricultural College Vol 7 t) t> !3 Class No. n ^ (f^L^ Cost Date (P^v XJy^^J. 1932 ok may be kept out BOOK 174.B63 c. 1 80K # SUCCESSWARD 3 T1S3 OOObaill 1 <; . 6261 ZZ AVW ^■: SUCCESSWARD LADIES' HOME JOURNAL'S PRACTICAL LIBRARY Vol. 1. — The Kindergarten in a Nut- shell. By Nora A. Smith. Vol. II. Successward. By Edward Bok, Editor of "The Ladies' Home Journal." Vol. III. — Good Cooking. By Mrs. Rorer. Vol. IV.— Inside 100 Homes. By W. M. Johnson. Vol. V. — Model Homes at Low Cost. By W. M. Price. LADIES' HOME JOURNAL'S PRACTICAL LIBRARY SUCCESSWARD A YOUNG MAN'S BOOK FOR YOUNG MEN BY EDWARD BOK 1899 NEW YORK THE DOUBLEDAY & McCLURE CO. PHILADELPHIA THE CURTIS PUB- LISHING CO. SIXTH EDITION Published tinder arrangement with, and Copyrighted 1895, by Fleming H. Revell Co. Copyright, 1899, by The Curtis Publishing Co, •^5^5. TO CLARENCE CARY, MY ADVISER AND MY FRIEND, WHEN ADVISERS I HAD NONE AND FRIENDS WERE FEW CONTENTS I PAGB A Correct Knowledge of Himself - i II What, Really, is Success? - - - 13 III The Young Man in Business - - -23 IV His " Prospects " AND Salary - - 57 V His Social Life and Amusements - -67 VI ** Sowing HIS Wild Oats " - - - 99 ix Contents VII PAGE In Matters OF Dress - - - - iii VIII His Religious Life ----- 123 IX His Attitude toward Women - - 139 X The Question of Marriage - - - 153 A Correct Knowledge of Himself SUCCESSWARD A CORRECT KNOWLEDGE OF HIMSELF The first element of success with a young man starting out to make a career is a correct knowledge of himself. He should, before he attempts anything, un- derstand himself. He should study him- self. He should be sure that he has a cor- rect knowledge of his own nature, his own character, and his own capabilities. And it is because so few young men have this knowledge of self that so many make disastrous failures, or fail to achieve what they set out for themselves. Every man in this world is created dif- 3 Successward ferently; no two are alike. Therefore, the nature, the thoughts, the character,, the capacity of one man is utterly unlike that of another. What one man can un- derstand another cannot. The success of one man indicates nothing to another. What one is capable of doing is beyond the power of another. Hence it is im- portant that, first of all, a young man should look into himself, find out what has been given him, and come to a clear understanding of what he can do and what he cannot do. It is one of the most pitiable sights im- aginable to see, as one does so constantly, so many young men floundering and flut- tering from one phase of life to another, unable to fasten upon any special thing, simply because a knowledge of them- selves is absent. The result is that we see so many round men trying to fit themselves into square holes. " But," a young fellow asks, " how in the world do you get an understanding of yourself? How do you go about it? " 4 Knowledge of Himself No definite answer can be given to the question, any more than can a certain rule be laid down. An understanding of one's self is reached by different methods by different people, generally each method being personal to one's self. But this much can be said: every thought, every taste, every action, reveals our- selves to ourselves, and it is in the ex- pression of these that we best learn our natures and our characters. We see our- selves with unmistakable accuracy, for example in what we most enjoy in read- ing, in the people whose company pleases us most, in the things that interest us; and where our tastes and interests lead us we are generally truest to ourselves. Some writer has said that most people find themselves out best while they are at play, upon the basis that a man shows his real side in the pleasures which he seeks and enjoys. This is true in a large measure. And the character of his pleas- ures will have both an indirect and a di- rect bearing upon the more practical side 5 Successward of his nature. If a young man visits an art gallery, for example, and finds that the pleasure he derives from the pictures takes the form of recreation to the mind, that he is delighted and interested in the canvases he sees so long as he is before them, but feels simply refreshed after he leaves the gallery, it is plain that his na- ture is not one suited to art as a vocation. He employs the picture as a means of recreation from some other study which engrosses him more closely. If, on the other hand, his instincts lead him to an art gallery, and he studies rather than en- joys the pictures that he sees, is curious as to the methods of the artist, and goes away with his mind charged with the in- tention of getting further knowledge from books or other authorities, of what he has seen, it is natural to assume that the art instinct or taste is within him, and he should give it the fullest play and chance of development. But he should in every way feel, realize, and know that a love of art possesses him before he 6 Knowledge of Himself adopts it as a profession. And thus, in a way, a young man has an opportunity to study himself through his pleasures. If, as a further example, a young man finds himself seeking the company of men older than himself, men of affairs of the world, is happiest when he can be in their company and hear them talk of business, chooses the reading of the lives of suc- cessful men as his literature, and leans toward the practical side of life, finding his keenest and truest enjoyment amid the bustle of the mart, the indications are that his nature points him to a business career. If he feels this way, it is well for him to give his developing tastes full play, and follow where his instincts lead him. After a while what was at first mere instinct or an unformed taste will develop and point him to something defi- nite in the business world, and if he be true to himself he will sooner or later find that particular position he is best fit- ted to occupy and fill. His capacities will reveal themselves to him, and they 7 Successward will teach him his limitations. This knowledge need not thwart his ambitions, but ambition should always be just a trifle behind judgment, if possible, or, at all events, not in advance of it. Ambition is a splendid quality if properly guided and kept within check; it is a fatal possession when it is allowed too full de- velopment or sway. Like fire or water, it is a capital servant, but it makes a poor master. I think in this connection that parents might be a little more careful than they are in many cases how they try to dis- suade a son from the kind of work for which he hungers or shows decided taste. It may not always be agreeable that a son wishes to be a physician. The parent would rather see him a lawyer, as his father is. But it does not necessarily follow that his son can be one. If a son's tastes tend toward medicine, great care should be taken how his tastes are at- tempted to be turned toward the law. There are enough bad lawyers now who 8 Knowledge of Himself might have been great doctors had they been left to choose their own careers. A prominent New York man identified with the two leading law and medical schools of that city told me not long ago that each year these schools were turning out scores of young men who drifted at once into car conductors, station agents and com- mercial clerks. And this is simply because of the mistakes of parents to force round pegs into square holes. It cannot be done. No sight is so sad as a son forced by his parents into a trade or profession which is uncongenial and distasteful to him. A young man cannot honestly ^ make a success in any business unless he loves his work, any more than a husband can be happy in his home unless he. loves his wife. I do not counsel a blind following of one's self, particularly during the forma- tive years of life. But I do believe most earnestly that every man is given a cer- tain thing to do in the world, and that, by a proper study of himself, he, and he 9 Successward alone, can arrive at the clearest and sixr- est knowledge of that particular object. One's character is often molded through the influence of another ; but it is equally true that every man is the architect of his own fortune, and that his truest course in life is to follow not the guidance of an- other, but his own instincts. In other words, young men should, as early in life as possible, get into touch with the idea of their own responsibility, and be taught the great lesson that, however well others may advise, they, and they alone, must carve out their own careers. The most successful careers, the most honorable lives in the history of the world are those which have been shaped by their own hands. There is an element of danger in this, of course, but the element is small in comparison with the greater danger which lies in the formation of a career against one's own instincts. The aspirations of the young are not to be checked by the experience of the old. No matter how rich or full a man's ex- perience may have been, it counts only in lo Knowledge of Himself a sense of general application to another career which stands upon its threshold. Years should teach wisdom ; but if we all waited for years to bring us wisdom, this world would be a sorry place to live in. Youthful imaginings may lead to mis- takes, youthful enthusiasm may en- counter disappointment, but only experi- ence, real and actual, can demonstrate these things to a young man. And the experience is good for him if it teaches him a better and truer knowledge of himself and his ca- pacities. The greatest figures in the w^orld's history show that they were made through experience, and what experience taught them. This is not say- ing that the young have no use for the old. They have. But the rule should be, " Young men for action, old men for counsel." Experience looks backward ; enthusiasm looks forward. It is the enthusiasm of youth which is brave and strong and attempts the impossible. If we attempted only the possible in this world we should soon stop where we II Successward are; it is for the young man, with his enthusiasm, to battle with the impossible and carry the world a step farther on in discovery, if not in actual accomplish- ment. I say this because every young fellow ought to feel that, to a large extent, he stands alone for himself in the world. Counsel he should seek, but action is his. And to make that action sure and wise it is necessary that the workman should un- derstand his tools. He must know with what he has to work ; and once sure of his tools, he must learn the thing he has set for himself to do, having a distinct purpose in view, and, being fully con- scious that he is right and capable, not allowing himself to be swerved from his aim. After acquiring true knowledge of himself, I know of nothing so valuable to a young man as an absolute distinctness of purpose, and then pursuing that pur- pose to success. In natural sequence comes, therefore, the question of " What really, is success ? " 12 II What, Really, Is Success II WHAT, REALLY, IS SUCCESS? Before a young man goes into busi- ness it is necessary, I think, that he should set himself straight on one very important point, and that is what success in business really is and means. Unfor- i_ tunately, not enough has been written on this phase of the topic.: It is idle for a young man to seek out the methods of success before he is really clear in his mind just what constitutes success — until, in other words, he finds out the true definition of the word. And very few of us have a proper and correct concep- tion of it. On the other hand, thousands of us have the wrong notion. In this age of big things, particularly, we are in- clined to regard success as synonymous only with the higher walks of life, with 15 Successward great achievements. Success, in the minds of some, is something which is only given for the fortunate to achieve. Or we think if we cannot do something which sets people wondering and talking about us, if our heads do not tower above those of our fellow-beings, our lives, ifi^- not altogether negative,' are still not suc- cessful. In other words, we feel that a successful life is the doing of something momentous; the becoming known of all men and women ; the being exceptional to the rest of the human race. Ask ten persons their idea of success, and eight will give a definition of it along these lines. And yet scarcely a more incorrect interpretation of a successful life can be imagined. Along this line of thought, not one person in ten thousand lives a successful life, since statistics have proven that it is only this percentage of the human race that is ever heard of out- side of its immediate circle of relatives and^ friends. It is given to very few of us to say i6 What, Really, Is Success something or perform some action which will be heard of by the world. The greater part of the human race dies as it is born, unknown and unheard of by the world at large. Where you find one leader among men or w^omen you will find a thousand who are born to follow. The instinct of leadership is rare — rare even in these developing days. Hence, if success depended upon aggressive in- stinct, its votaries would be few. Suc- cess is as ofttimes quietly won. ' The average young man cannot under- stand that a successful life is just as pos- sible in an obscure position as it is in a conspicuous one. 'It does not seem plain to him that a clerk earning five hundred dollars per year can make just as pro- nounced a success of his life as can his employer, whose income is ten thousand dollars per year. To be a successful subject is as great an achievement for the subject as being a successful ruler is creditable to the ruler. ^ Every man born into the world has his limitations, and 17 Successward beyond that line it is impossible for him to go. All of us know men capable of splendid work so long as they are under direction, but who have either made or would make absolute failures as directors. Other men chafe under direction; they must be leaders. But success, according to their capacities, is as possible with the one as with the other. The correct definition of success is the favorable termination of anything at- tempted — a termination, in other words, which answers the purpose intended. The writing of a business letter can be made just as great a success as can be the drafting of a presidential proclamation. Success never depends upon conspicuity. A commercial success won on conser- vative lines, and maintained by cautious and prudent methods, is the success most highly regarded in the business world to- day. The meteoric commercial flash, so admired by the average young man, sel- dom has a firm foundation, and rarely commands the confidence of experienced i8 What, Really, Is Success business men. The truest success is that which is earned slowly, but which surely strengthens itself. It is very important, therefore, that the first thing for a young man going into business to learn is to disassociate success from the more prominent walks in life, and get rid of that false theory. When he does that, successful living will have a deeper, fuller, and truer meaning for him. It w^ll have for him then its correct mean- ing; that success is possible in every position, and can be made the possession of the humblest as well as the most powerful. ^'K successful life is nothing more nor less than living as well as we know how and doing the very best that we can. And upon that basis, which is the only true basis,, naturally no success can be meas- ured by fame, wealth, or station. ' feome of us must live for the few, as others again must live for the many, just as some are born to occupy important posi- tions while others are intended for 19 Successward humbler places. But "both lives are suc- cessful. Let a young man be thoroughly fitted for the business position he occupies, alert to every opportunity, and embrac- ing it to its fullest possibility, with his methods fixed on honorable principles, and he is a successful man. It does not matter whether he makes a thousand dol- lars or a hundred thousand dollars. He makes a success of his particular position. He carries to a successful termination that which it has be-en given him to do, be that great or small. If the work he does, and does well, is up to his limita- tions he is a success. If he does not work up to his capacity, then he fails, just as he fails, too, if he attempts to go beyond his mental or physical limit. There is just as much danger on one side of man's limit-line as there is on the other. The very realization of one's capacity is a sign of success. It is an old saying that it is a wise man who knows when he has enough, and it is a successful man who 20 What, Really, Is Success never goes beyond his depth in business. This is a truth which requires experience to see, perhaps, but it is a lesson which Success demands that her votaries shall learn, and learn well. "^Success is simply doing anything to the utmost of one's ability — making as much of one's posi- tion as it is possible to make. 21 Ill The Young Man in Business Ill TH'E YOUNG MAN IN BUSINESS Every one conversant with the busi- ness life of any of our cities, large or small, will agree with the assertion that more business opportunities exist to-day ^ than there are young men capable of em- bracing them, and that the demand is far in excess of the supply. Positions of trust are constantly going begging for the right kind of young men to fill them. But the material does not exist, or, if it does, it certainly has a most unfortunate way of hiding its light under a bushel; so much so that business men cannot see even a glimmer of its rays. Let a po- ^sition of any real importance be- come open, and it is the most difficult kind of a problem to find any one to fill it satisfactorily. Busi- es Successward ness men are constantly passing through this experience. Young men are desired in the great majority of positions because of their progressive ideas and capacity to en- dure work ; in fact, '* young blood," as it is called, is preferred nowadays in nine positions out of every ten. The young men capable of filling these positions are few. For the most part, the average young man is incapable, or, if he be not exactly incapable (I am willing to give him the benefit of the doubt), he is un- willing, which is even worse. That ex- ceptions can be brought up to controvert this statement I know ; but I am dealing now with the many, and not with the few. It is the exception that we find in business a young man who is some- thing more than a plodder — a mere auto- matic machine. As a general rule, the average young man comes to his office at . eight or nine o'clock in the morning; is faithful in the duties he performs ; goes to lunch at twelve; comes back at one; 26 The Young Man in Business takes up whatever he is told to do until five, and then goes home. His work for the day is done. One day is the same to him as another; he has a certain routine of duties to do, and he does them day in and day out, month in and month out. His duties are regulated by the clock. As that points, so he points. Verily it is true of him that he is the same yesterday, to- day, and forever. No special fault can be found with his work. Given a particular piece of work to do, he does it just as a machine would. Such a young man, too, generally considers himself hard-worked — often overworked and underpaid — wondering all the time why his employer does not recognize his value and advance his salary. " I do everything I am told to do," he argues, " and I do it well. What more can I do ? " This is simply a type of a young man who exists in thousands of offices and stores. He comes to his work each day with no definite point or plan in view ; he leaves it with nothing accomplished. He 27 Successward is a mere automaton. Let him die, and his position can be filled in twenty-four hours. If he detracts nothing from his employer's business he certainly adds nothing to it. He never advances an idea; is absolutely devoid of creative powers ; his position remains the same after he has been in it for five years as when he came to it. Now I would not for a moment be un- derstood as belittling the value of faith- fulness in an employee. But, after all, faithfulness is nothing more nor less than a negative quality. By faithfulness a man can hold a position a lifetime. He will keep it just where he found it. But by the exercise of this single quality he does not add to the importance of the po- sition any more than he adds to his own value. It is not enough that it should be said of a young man that he is faithful; he must be something more. The willing- ness and capacity to be faithful to the smallest detail must be there, serving 28 The Young Man in Business only, however, as a foundation upon which other quahties are built. Altogether too many young men are content to remain in the positions in which they find themselves. The thought of studying the needs of their position and of broadening it never seems to enter into their minds. I believe it is possible for every young man to rise above his position, and I care not how humble that position may be, nor under what disad- vantages he may be placed. But he must be alert. He must not be afraid of work, and of the hardest kind of work. He must study not only to please, but he must go a step beyond. It is essential, of course, that he should first of all fill the position for which he is engaged. No man can solve the problem of business before he understands the rudiments of the problem itself. Once the re- quirements of a position are understood and mastered, then its possibilities should 29 ' Successward be undertaken. It is foolish to argue, as some young men do, that to go beyond one's special position is made impossible by an employer. The employer never ex- isted who will prevent the cream of his establishment from rising to the surface. The advance of an employee always means the advance of the employer's in- terest. Every employer would rather pay a young man five thousand dollars a year than five hundred. What is to the young- man's interests is in a far greater degree to the interests of his employer. A five- hundred-dollar clerkship is worth just that amount to an employer, and nothing more. But a five-thousand-dollar man is generally worth five times that sum to a business. A young man makes of a po- sition exactly what he chooses, either a millstone around his neck or a stepping- stone to larger success. The possibilities lie in every position ; seeing and embrac- ing them rest with him. The lowest po- sition can be broadened and made the chrysalis for the development of new 30 The Young Man in Business strength to master other and greater problems. / A substantial success means several things. It calls, in the first place, for concentration. There is no truth so po- tent as that which tells us that we cannot serve God and Mammon. Nor can any young man successfully serve two busi- ness interests, no matter how closely allied ; in fact, the more closely the inter- ests the more dangerous are they. The human mind is capable of just so much clear thought, and generally it does not extend beyond the requirements of one position in these days of keen competi- tion. If there exists a secret of success, it lies, perhaps, in concentration more than in any other single element. Dur- ing business hours a man should be in business. His thoughts should be on nothing else. Diversions of thought are killing to the best endeavors. The suc- cessful mastery of business questions calls for a personal interest, a forgetful- ness of self, that can only come from the 31 Successward closest application and the most absolute concentration. I go so far in my belief of concentration to business interests in business hours as to argue that a young man's personal letters have no right to come to his office address, nor should he receive his social friends at his desk. Bus- iness hours are none too long in the great majority of our offices — and they never seem so to the right young man — and with a rest of one hour for luncheon, no one has a right to chop ofif fifteen minutes here to read an irrelevant personal letter, or fifteen minutes there to talk with a friend whose conversation distracts the mind from the problems before it. Di- gression is just as dangerous as stagna- tion in the career of a young man in busi- ness. There is absolutely no position worth the having in business life to-day to which a care of other interests can be added. Let a man serve the interests of one master, and if he serves him well he has his hands and his head full. There is a class of ambitious young 32 The Young Man in Business men who have what they choose to call *' an anchor to the windward " in their business ; that is, they maintain some- thing in addition to their regular position. They do this from necessity, they claim. One position does not offer sufficient scope for their powers or talents, does not bring them sufficient income ; they are " forced," they explain, to take on something in addition. I have person- ally known a number of such young men. But so far as I have been able to discern, the trouble does not lie so much with the position they occupy as with themselves. When a man turns away from the posi- tion he holds to outside affairs, he turns just so far away from the surest path of success. To do one thing perfectly is better than to do two things only fairly well. It was told me once, of one of our best-known actors, that outside of his stage-knowledge he knew absolutely nothing. But he acted well — so well that he stands to-day at the head of his profession. All-around geniuses are S3 Successward rare — so rare that we can hardly find them. It is a pleasant thing to be able to talk well on many topics ; but, after all, that is but a social accomplishment. To know one thing absolutely means ma- terial success and commercial and mental superiority. I dare say that if some of our young men understood the needs of the positions they occupy more fully than they do, the necessity for outside work would not exist. Right in line with this phase of a young man's work comes the necessity of his learning that he cannot do evening work and be employed the entire day as well. It is the most difficult thing for ambitious young men to understand that night-work is physically and mentally detrimental to the best business success. Let a machine run night and day, and be- fore long it will break down ; and what a mechanism of iron and steel cannot bear, the human organism certainly cannot stand. If a young man employs his even- ings for work, he unfits himself for his 34 The Young Man in Business work during the day. The mind needs diversion, recreation, rest ; and any men- taHty kept at a certain tension for more than seven or eight hours per day will sooner or later lose its keen perceptive powers. No young man true to his best and wisest interests will employ his even- ings in the same line of thought as that which engrosses him during the. day. Mental work is unlike manual labor in that it tires without physical exhaustion ; and because the worker does not feel it as much when he uses his head for ten or twelve hours per day as he would if he used the muscles for that period of time, he goes, nevertheless, unconsciously be- yond his powers of strength. Unknown to him, the strain leaves its mark upon the mind. Youthful vigor throws its effects off for a while, but not perma- nently ; and a man's early break-down when he should be at the zenith of his powers in middle life is very often di- rectly traceable to an overtaxing of his powers in early life. But not only is the 35 Successward effect one of a future nature ; it is notice- able at the time of the indiscretion. It is seen in the inabihty of the mind to re- spond quickly to some suggestion at the office ; and how can it be otherwise when the mind has been worked beyond its nor- mal capacity? There is no question in my mind whatever that a young man is untrue to the interests of his employer when he allows himself to work during the evening hours. Although he may not be conscious of it himself, he does not come to his work the following morning as fresh as he would if the mind had been given a season of diversion and rest. A fatal error in the case of many young men is that they reach a point where they make no progress. Now stagnation in a young man's career is hut a synonym for starvation, since there is no such thing as standing still in the business world of to-day. Either we go backward or we go forward. When a young man fails to keep abreast of the possibilities of his position he recedes 36 The Young Man in Business constantly, if unconsciously, perhaps. The young man who progresses is he who enters into the spirit of the business of his employer, and who originates new methods, new ideas, new channels, and new outputs. There is not a more direct road to the confidence of an employer than for that employer to see that any one of his clerks thoroughly understands not only the details of his office, but catches the spirit and policy of the business and is in intelligent sympathy with it. That young man commands the attention of his chief at once, and when a vacancy occurs he is apt to step into it, if he does not forge over the shoulders of others. Young men who think clearly, who can conceive, create, and carry out, are not so plentiful that even a single one will be lost sight of. It is no special art, and it reflects but little credit upon any man, to simply fill a position. That is expected of him ; he is engaged to do that, and it is only a fair return for a certain payment made. The 37 Successward art lies in doing more than was bargained for; in proving greater than was ex- pected; in making more of a position than has ever been made before. A quick conception is needed here, the abil- ity to view a broad horizon ; for it is the liberal-minded man, not the man of nar- row limitations, who makes the success of to-day. A young man showing such qualities to an employer does not remain in one position long. The difference be- tween a successful clerk and an unsuc- cesful one is that the one makes more of his position than has ever been made of it : the other keeps it where it is and it keeps him there. Two traps in which young men in busi- ness often fall are a disregard for small things, and an absolute fear of making mistakes. One of the surest keys to suc- cess lies in thoroughness. No matter how great may be the enterprise undertaken, a regard for the small things is necessary. Just as the little courtesies of every-day life make life worth the living, so the 38 The Young Man in Business little details form the bone and sinew of a great success. A thing half or three- quarters done is worse than not done at all. Let a man be careful of the small things in business, and he can generally be relied upon for the greater ones, pro- vided, of course, that he possesses broad- ness of mind. The man who can over- come small worries is greater than the man who can override great obstacles. When a young man becomes so ambitious for large success that he overlooks the small things, he is pretty apt to encounter failure. There is nothing in business so infinitesimal that we can afford to do it in a slipshod fashion. It is no art to answer twenty letters in a morning when they are, in reality, only half answered. When we commend brevity in business letters we do not mean brusqueness. Nothing stamps the character of a house so clearly as the letters it sends out. The fear of making mistakes keeps many a young man down. Of course er- rors in business are costly, and it is bet- 39 Successward ter not to make them. But, at the same time, I would not give a snap of the fin- ger for a young man who never makes mistakes. But there are mistakes and mistakes ; some easy to be overlooked, and others it is better not to blink at in an employee. A mistake of judgment is possible with us all ; the best of us are not above a wrong decision. And a young man who holds back for fear of making mistakes loses the first point of success. I know there are thousands of young men who feel themselves incompetent for a business career because of a lack of early education. And here might come in the oft-mooted question of the exact value of a college education to the young man in business. But far abler pens than mine have treated of this. I will simply say this : a young man need not feel that the lack of a college education will stand in any respect whatever in the way of his success in the business world. No col- lege on earth ever made a business man. The knowledge acquired in college has 40 The Young Man in Business fitted thousands of men for professional success, but it has also unfitted other thousands for a practical business career. A college training is never wasted, al- though I have seen again and again five- thousand-dollar educations spent on five- hundred-dollar men. Where a young man can bring a college education to the requirements of a -practical business knowledge it is an advantage. But be- fore our American colleges become an absolute factor in the business capacities of men, their methods of study and learn- ing will have to be radically changed. I have had associated with me both kinds of young men, collegiate and non-colle- giate, and I must confess that the ones who had a better knowledge of the prac- tical part of life have been those who never saw the inside of a college and whose feet never stood upon a campus. College-bred men and men who never had college advantages have succeeded in about equal ratios. Hundreds of men occupying the most important commer- 41 Successward cial positions in the great cities derived their only education from contact with that greatest college of all, the business world. Far be it from me to depreciate the value of a college education. I believe in its advantages too firmly. But no young man need feel hampered because of the lack of it. If business qualities are in him they will come to the surface. It is not the college education ; it is the young man. Without its possession as great and honorable suc- cesses have been made as with it. Men are not accepted in the business world upon their collegiate diplomas, nor on the knowledge these imply. They are taken for what they are, for what they know, for what they can do. The young man engaged in business to-day in this country has advantages ex- ceeding those of any generation before him. And I do not say this simply as an echo of what others before me have said, or to use a platitudinous phrase. There never was a time in the history of 42 The Young Man in Business America when a young man has the opportunity to make something of him- self as at the present day. He Hves in a country where every success is possible ; where a man can make of himself what he may choose ; where energy and enter- prise are appreciated, and a market is always ready for good wares. Young men have forged to the front wonderfully during the past ten years. Employers are more than ever willing to lay great responsibilities on their shoulders. Sal- aries are higher than ever ; young men never before earned the incomes which are received by some to-day. Success is possible to every one capable of achiev- ing it. But a young man must be alert to every opportunity. He cannot forget himself for a moment in business. A man's best working years are not many, and when they are upon him he must make hay, and all the hay he can. No young man can afford to reach the age of thirty without feeling that he is settled in 43 Successward a business way. Before that time he flounders of necessity; but at thirty the floundering time should be over. He should have found that special trade or profession for which he thinks he is most capable. This age is generally accepted, I believe, for the reason that a man is most likely to do his best work between thirty and fifty ; after fifty a man's work is not apt to have that energy and snap that is born of youth, and the tendency is first shown in his willingness to depu- tize details to others. I do not mean to say that a man begins to decline at fifty ; on the contrary, he is at his prime. But he is better for judgment than he is for working out details. A man's real work, his energetic work, his laborious work, is generally done before he reaches the half-century period. And not only must he practically make himself between thirty and fifty, but he must not spend all that he earns. He must lay aside a goodly portion of his earnings. It is a cruel but a hard fact 44 The Young Man in Business that the business world has very Httle use for what are termed old men nowadays ; and in these times of keen competitive strife a man is judged to be old very early from the cold commercial point of view. He may not consider himself as being^ old, but he is no longer considered to be " in the race " with the younger men, who naturally have quicker perceptions and whose sense of alertness is neces- sarily keener. The most successful man at forty is very often the man who is quietly pushed aside at sixty. If young men earning good incomes between thirty and fifty would look a little ahead, and consider the inevitable fact that as they grow older their value is very apt to les- sen in a commercial sense, they would save themselves much after-humiliation and sorrowful retrospection. It is hard for a young man at, say, thirty-five, in the full flush and vigor of manhood, to realize that a time will come when others as clever as himself and a bit cleverer will pass him by. But the fact exists, 45 Successward nevertheless, and he is wise who, at his prime, thinks of a time which comes to the vast majority of men. And yet, while a young man may be ambitious for success in business, he can- not afford to get impatient or restless. Not long ago I received a letter from a young fellow which particularly reflected the feeling that I mean. He wrote me that he was twenty, and was impatient because he did not make the progress in his business which he felt that he should. He confessed that he was not so very much dissatisfied with his salary, which was twenty-two dollars per week, al- though he thought it ought to be forty dollars. Unfortunately for him, how- ever, his employers did not seem to think so, and he was quite sure he was "being kept back." He conceded that he was '* becoming impatient," but insisted that he had reason to feel so. Well, I felt precisely the same way when I was twenty; only my salary was eighteen dollars per week, and I 46 The Young Man in Business felt quite sure that the figures ought to be much larger. And there were several positions just beyond me, too, which I felt I should justly be asked to occupy. But I was not, and, of course, felt aggrieved. I considered myself imposed upon. Now when I look back upon that time it is easy to see that the reason my salary was not eighty instead of eighteen dollars was simply because I was incapa- ble of earning that amount. I was not worth it to my employer. And the reason I did not get those several posi- tions just ahead of me was because I could not have filled them if I had gotten them — not one of them. But I am a little more than twenty now, and my correspondent, when he is about ten years older, will understand a great many things that are not very clear to him just now. Of course he probably will not choose to believe this ; youths of twenty are not apt to believe much that is told them. But, if I were back to twenty again, 47 Successward and happened to have a Httle later knowledge, and were earning twenty-' two dollars per week, I should not only be satisfied, but should be intensely thankful. I think, too, that the knowl- edge that there were thousands of men of forty and fifty years who were not earning as much would help me to endure the ordeal. I think that instead of re- belling at the fact that I was earning twenty-two dollars, I should rather de- vote my time to trying to find the best way of doubling it. I might not be able to make twenty-five dollars for a year or two, but I should endeavor to do so. In fact, if we look over the field, there are more young men of twenty-one who are worth less than twenty-five dollars per week than there are who are worth that or more. And one proof of this is found in the fact that in New York City alone there are tens of thousands of young men at that age who are not earning fourteen dollars per week. In addition to all this I might be tempted to believe that too 48 The Young Man in Business rapid advance might not be the best thing" in the world for me. Too large an in- come, even when deserved, is far often more a hindrance to a young man of twenty-one or thereabouts than a help. What I should feel willing to do would be this : if I felt that my employer was a man of honor and judgment I should leave myself in his hands for a while. I should do him the courtesy of believing that he knew more than I did. A man at fifty is sometimes apt to know more — if only a very little more — than a boy of twenty ; and if I had his confidence and felt that I was pleasing him with my services, I should let him go at that — for a time, at any rate. There are hundreds of young men in business to-day who feel just as restless and impatient as did this correspondent. But these young men should bear a few things in mind. They should remember, first of all, that between the years of twenty and twenty-five a young man acquires rather than achieves. It is the 49 Successward learning period of life, the experience- gaining time. Knowledge that is worth anything does not come to us until we are past twenty-five. The mind before that age is incapable of forming wise judg- ments. The great art of accurate de- cision in business matters is not acquired in a few weeks of commercial life. It is the result of years. It is not only the power within himself, but the experience behind him, that makes a successful busi- ness man. The commercial world is only a greater school than the one of slates and slate-pencils. No boy, after attend- ing school for five years, would consider himself competent to teach. And surely five years of commercial apprenticeship will not fit a young man to assume a po- sition of trust, nor give him the capacity to decide upon important business mat- ters. In the first five years — yes, in the first ten years — of a young man's busi- ness life he is only in the primary depart- ment oi the great commercial world. It is for him, then, to study methods, to ob- The Young Man in Business serve other men — in short, to learn and not to hope to achieve. That will come later. Business, simple as it may look to the young man, is, nevertheless, a very intricate affair, and it is only by years of closest study that we master an under- standing of it. The electric atmosphere of the Ameri- can business world is all too apt to make our young men impatient. They want to fly before they can even walk well. Am- bition is a splendid thing in any young man. But getting along too fast is just as injurious as getting along too slow. A young man between twenty and twenty-five must be patient. It is true that patience is a difficult thing to culti- vate, but it is among the first lessons we must learn in business. A good stock of patience, acquired in early life, will stand a man in good stead in later years. It is a handy thing to have and draw upon, and makes a splendid safety-valve. Be- cause a young man, as he approaches twenty-five, begins to see things more 51 Successward plainly than he did five years before, he must not get the idea that he is a business man yet, and entitled to a man's salary. If business questions which he did not understand five years before now begin to look clearer to him, it is because he is passing through the transitory state that divides the immature judgment of the young man from the ripening penetration of the man. He is simply beginning. From that point he will grow, and his salary will grow as he grows. But Rome was not built in a day, and a business man is not made in a night. As exper- ience comes, the judgment will become mature ; and by the time the young man reaches thirty he will begin to realize that he did not know as much at twenty-five as he thought he did. And when he is ready to learn from others he will begin to grow wise. And so to a young man in business or just starting in business I would say, re- member these very essential truths: Above all things, before a young man 52 The Young Man in Business attempts to make a success he should convince himself that he is in a congenial business. Whether it be a trade or a profession — both are honorable and pro- ductive — let him satisfy himself, above everything else, that it enlists his personal interest, his enthusiasm. If a man shows that he has his work at heart his success, to the limit of his capabilities, can be relied on. Personal interest in any work will bring other things ; but all the other essentials combined cannot create per- sonal interest. That must exist first ; then two thirds of the battle is won. Fully satisfied that he is in that particular line of business for which he feels a stronger, warmer interest than for any other, then he should remember: First, that, whatever else he may strive to be, he must, above all, be absolutely honest. What the business world needs to-day is not men of brilliancy or of su- preme cleverness, but men of common honesty and homely integrity. From plain common honorable principles a 53 Successward young man can never swerve. A tem- porary success is often possible on what are not exactly dishonest, but *' shady " Hues. Such success, however, is only temporary, with a certainty of permanent loss. The surest business suc- cesses — yes, the only successes worth the making — are built upon honest founda- tions. There can be no '' blinking " at the truth or at honesty, no half-way com- promise. There is but one way to be suc- cessful, and that is to be absolutely hon- est; and there is but one way of being honest. Honesty is not only the founda- tion, but the capstone as well, of business success. Second, he must be alert, alive to every opportunity. He cannot afford to lose a single point, for that single point might prove the very link that would make com- plete the entire chain of a business suc- cess. Third, he must ever be willing to learn, never overlooking the fact that others have long ago forgotten what he has still \ 54 The Young Man in Business to learn. Firmness of decision is an ad- mirable trait in business. The young man whose opinion can be tossed from one side to another is poor material. But youth is full of errors, and caution is a strong trait. Fourth, if he be wise he will entirely avoid the use of liquors. If the question of harm done by intoxicating liquors is an open one, the question of the good derived from it is not. Fifth, let him remember that a young man's strongest recommendation is his respectability. Some young men, ap- parently successful, may be flashy in dress, loud in manner, and disrespectful of women and sacred things. But the young man who is respectable always wears best. The way a young man car- ries himself in his private life ofttimes means much to him in his business career. No matter where he is, or in whose com- pany, respectability, and all that it im- plies, will always command respect. 55 Successward And if any young man wishes a set of rules even more concise, here it is : First of all, do everything that means a better physical condition, for when all has been said : the foundation of all suc- cess is good health. And the greatest help to this is to sleep eight hours every night, and spend as much of your leisure out of doors as you can. Then, get into a business you like. Devote yourself to it. Be honest in everything. Employ caution ; think out a thing well before you enter upon it. School yourself not to worry; worry kills, work does not. Avoid liquors of all kinds. If you must smoke, smo!:e moderately. Shun discussion on two points — • religion and politics. Neither have any argumentative place in business. S6 ...'mitk'.. IV His "Prospects" and Salary IV HIS '" PROSPECTS "' AND SALARY The average young man is extremely anxious to get into a business position in which there are what he calls '' pros- pects " for advancement. It is usually one of his first questions '' What are my prospects here ? " He seems to have the notion that the question of his " pros- pects " or advancement is one entirely in the hands of his employer, whereas it rarely occurs to him that it is a matter entirely of himself. An employer has, of course, the power of promotion, but that is all. He cannot advance a young man unless his employee first demonstrates that he is worthy of such advancement. Every position offers prospects: every business house has in it the possibility of a young man bettering himself. But it 59 Successward depends upon him, first. If he is of the average come-day go-day sort, and does his work in a mechanical or careless fashion, lacking that painstaking thor- oughness which is the basis of successful work, his prospects are naught. And they will be no greater with one concern than with another, although he may identify himself with a score during a year. If, on the contrary, he buckles down to work, and makes himself felt from the moment he enters his position, no matter how humble that may be, his advancement will take care of itself. An employer is very quick to discover merit in an employee, and if a young man is fitted to occupy a higher position in his house than he is filling, it will not be long before he is promoted. There are, of course, instances where the best work that a young man can do goes for naught and fails of rightful appreciation, and where such a condition is discovered, of course the young man must change the condition and go where his services will 60 His "Prospects" and Salary- receive proper recognition and value. But this happens only in a very small minority of cases. In the vast majority of cases where the cry of inappreciation is heard, it is generally the fact that the crier is unworthy of more than he receives. No employer can, in short, tell a young man what his prospects are. That is for the young man himself to demonstrate. He must show first what is in him and then he will discover for himself what are his prospects. Because so many young men stand still is not that employers are unwilling to advance them, but simply because of the principal fact that the great run of young men do not show those qualities which entitle them to advancement. There are exceptional cases, of course, but as a rule a man gets in this world about what he is worth, or not very far from it. There is not as much injustice done by the employer to the employee as appears on the surface by any means. Leaving aside all question of principle, it would be mighty poor 6i Successward policy for a business man to keep a young man in a minor position if by pro- moting him he felt he would expand and make more money for his house. And right here a word or two might perhaps be fitly said about the element of " luck " entering into business advance- ment. It is undeniable that there are thousands of young men who believe that success in business is nothing else but what they call " luck." The young men who forge ahead are, in their estimation, simply the " lucky " ones, who have had influence of some sort or other to push them along. When a young man gets into that frame of mind where he believes that *' luck " is the one and only thing, or that it is even an element in business which can help him along, it may be safely said that he is doomed to failure. The only semblance to " influence " there is in business is where through a friendly word a chance is opened to a young man. But the only thing that " influence " can 62 His ** Prospects'' and Salary do begins and ends with a chance : an opportunity. The strongest influence that can be exerted in a young man's behalf counts for very Httle if he is found to be incapable of embracing that chance. And so far as " luck " is concerned, there is no such thing in a young man's life or his business success. The only lucky young man is he who has a sound consti- tution, with good sense to preserve it, who knows some trade or profession thoroughly or is willing to learn it and sacrifice everything to its learning, who loves his work and has industry enough to persevere in it, who appreciates the necessity of self-restraint in all things and who tempers his social life to those habits which refresh and not impair his constitu- tion. That is luck, the luck of having common sense. That is the only luck there is, — the only luck worth having: and it is a luck which every right-minded young man may have if he goes about it the right way. Things in this world never just happen. 63 Successward There is always a reason for everything. So with success. It is not the result of luck: it is not a thing of chance. It comes to men only because they work hard and intelligently for it, and along legitimate lines. Now a word about a young man's salary. It is human nature to wish to make all the money we honestly can: to get a just and as large a return for our services as possible. There is no qualify- ing that statement, and as most of the comforts of this life are had through the possession of sufficient money, it is perfectly natural that the question of what we earn should be prominent in our minds. But too many young men put the cart before the horse in this question of salary. It is their first consideration. They are constantly asking what salaries are paid in different business callings, and whether this profession or that trade is more financially productive. The ques- tion seems to enter into their deliberations as a qualifying factor as to whether they 64 His "Prospects" and Salary- shall enter a certain trade or profession, I never could quite see the point of this nor the reason for it. Of what signifi- cance are the salaries which are paid to others, to you or to me? They signify nothing. If the highest salary paid to the foremost men in a certain profession is $10,000 per year, what does it prove or signify? There is no obstacle to some one else going into that same profession and earning $25,000. The first considera- tion when a young man thinks of going into business is not what special trade or profession is most profitable, but which particular line he is most interested in and best fitted for. What matters it to a man that fortunes are made in the law if he has absolutely no taste or ability for that pro- fession? Of what value is it to a young man who loves mechanical engineering to know that there are doctors who earn large incomes? What difference do the productive possibilities of any line of work make to us if we are not by nature fitted for it? 65 Successward When a young man is always thinking of the salary he is receiving, or the salary he ought to get, he gives pretty good proof that he is not of a very superior make. The right sort of a young fellow doesn't everlastingly concern himself about salary. Ability commands income. But a young man must start with ability : not with salary. That takes care of itself. 66 V His Social Life and Amusements V HIS SOCIAL LIFE AND AMUSEMENTS The social life of a young man has a direct and important bearing upon his success, and he cannot be too careful of what forms of amusement he allows to come into his hours of leisure. From a business standpoint it is all- important that he keep a careful watch on his social habits. For it is not enough for any young man that he should only take care of himself during his working- hours. To social dissipations at night can be traced the downfall of hundreds of young men. The idea that an em- ployer has no control over a young man's time away from the office is a dangerous fallacy. An employer has every right to ask that those into whose hands he in- trusts responsibilities shall allow social 69 Successward habits which will not endanger his inter- ests upon the morrow. As a rule, young men generally run to extremes in their social living. Either they do not go out at all, which is stag- nating, or they go out too much, which is deadly. Only here and there is found one who knows the happy medium ; a certain amount of social diversion is essential to everybody — boy, man, girl, or woman ; and particularly so to a young man with a career to make. To come into contact with the social side of people is broaden- ing; it is educative. '' To know people," says a writer, '' you must see them at play." Social life can be made a study at the same time that it is made a pleas- ure. To know people, to learn their softer sides, you must come into contact with their social natures. No young man can afford to deny himself certain pleasures, or a reasonable amount of contact with people in the outer world. It is to his advantage that people should know he exists ; it is important to the wise shaping 70 Social Life and Amusements of his aims and aspirations. It is well for him to keep himself honorably in the eyes of people. But his evening diver- sions should be as vv^idely different from his occupations during the day as possi- ble. The mind needs a change of thought just as much as does the body a change of raiment. At the same time, nothing is more in- jurious to the chances of a young man in business than an over-indulgence in the pleasures of what, for the want of a bet- ter word, we call " society." It is a rough but a true saying that " a man can- not drink whisky and be in business.'' Perhaps a softer and more refined trans- lation of this is that a man cannot be in society and be in business. This is im- possible, and nothing that a young man can bear in mind will stand him to such good account as this fact. No mind can be fresh in the morning that has been kept at a tension the night before by late hours, or been befogged by indulgence in late suppers. We need more sleep at 71 Successward twenty or twenty-five than we do at fifty ; and the young man who grants himself less than eight hours' sleep every night just robs himself of so much vitality. The most successful men have repeatedly ac- knowledged that to a regularity of hours of retiring they can trace a large part of their ability to compass the questions which enter into a successful career. One rule should be positive with every young man : the midnight hours should be passed in sleep ; and by these hours I mean eleven and twelve o'clock. If a young man makes it a rule to be asleep by eleven and up by seven, he chooses the course which hundreds of the most suc- cessful men of the day have chosen. The loss of vitality brought by less than eight hours' sleep may not be felt or noticed at present, but the process of sleeping is only nature's banking system of principal and interest. A mind capable of the ful- filment of its highest duties should be re- ceptive to ideas, quick to comprehend, instantaneous in its conception of a point. 72 Social Life and Amusements With a fresh mind and a clear brain a young man has two of the greatest levers of success. These cannot be retained un- der social indulgences. The dissipation of a night has its invariable influence upon the work of the morrow. I do not preach total abstinence of any habits to which human nature is prone. Every man ought to know what is good for him and what is injurious to his best interests. But an excess of anything is injurious, and a young man on the threshold of a business career cannot afford to be ex- cessive in a single direction. He should husband his resources. He will need them all. For no success is easily made in these days. Appearances are tremendously de- ceptive in this respect. We see men mak- ing what we choose to regard and what are known as quick successes, because at a comparatively early age they acquire position or means. But one needs only to study the conditions of the business life of to-day to see how impossible it is 73 Successward to achieve any success except by the se- verest patience and by the very hardest work. No young man need approach a business career with the idea that its achievement is easy. The histories of successful men tell us all too clearly the lessons of the patience and efforts of years. Some men compass a successful career in less time than others. And if the methods employed are necessarily dif- ferent, the requirements are precisely the same. It is a story of hard work in every case, of close application, and of a pa- tient mastery of the problem in hand. Advantages of education will come in at times and push one man ahead of an- other. But a practical business knowl- edge is apt to be a greater possession. " But," says some young fellow, " what are the social pleasures and indulgences which injuriously affect a young man's success ? " Only one general answer can be given, and it is this : any social pleas- ure or indulgence which affects a young man's health affects his success. Good 74 Social Life and Amusements health is the foundation of all possible success in life ; affect the one and you affect the other. I presume it is safe to say that no sin- gle element in social life has injured so many young men as an indulgence in in- toxicating liquors, and I shall treat of this first. And when I speak of the question of an indulgence in intoxicating liquors, I take it entirely away from any religious or moral standpoint. To me it is not a question of whether it is right or wrong for a young man to indulge in spirituous liquors. It is rather can he do it than should he do it. Is it wise rather than is it zvrong? I say to him, plainly and directly ; he cannot do it. And I say this to every young fellow honestly from my own observation and experience as a mere boy who, when he started out, did not know exactly what position to take in this matter. Some years' ago there was in Brooklyn a boy about sixteen years old who began attending public dinners as a reporter. 75 Successward Wines were then more freely used at din- ners than now. The first pubHc dinner he was sent to report was a New England Society banquet. He was extremely anx- ious to succeed, because it would mean other assignments. He had been brought up in his father's home with wine on the table, because in his native country, Hol- land, light wine is the common beverage and not an intoxicant. The decision which the young reporter had to make in Brooklyn that night was, therefore, not approached with prejudice. His com- mon sense simply argued it out for him that if he drank liquors his mind might not be so clear to report the speeches he was sent there to take. And so he shielded his wine glasses, — a practice which he has followed ever since. Now, that young reporter simply ar- gued to himself what was the wisest thing for him to do, and he did it. And that is the way I want every young man to decide this question. Never mind go- ing into the question of whether it is 76 Social Life and Amusements right or wrong. That might lead to controversy or doubt. Simply take the hard common-sense view of it. The temporary exhilaration which is sup- posed to come from alcohol either in dif- fused or concentrated form is unneces- sary to a young man in good health. Therefore, it can do him absolutely no good. He does not need it, and not an ounce of better health will come to him by reason of it. But it may do him harm. The chances are that it will. And no young man can afiford to take a single risk or chance in the morning of a busi- ness career. He needs the unhampered use of all his powers ; all his health, all his intellect, and all his manners. I do not ask him to accept this on any ground but that of expediency. He will see for himself that for every young man in business who docs drink, no matter how moderately, there is some young man of the abstaining kind waiting around the corner for his place and who will do his •work all the better because he does ab- 77 Successward stain. And employers prefer the abstain- ing sort. The presidents of the two larg- est railroads in this country have each told me personally within the past year that they will no longer employ any man for any position on their roads who drinks even moderately. And this is growing to be a common custom in all branches of business. Alcohol is becom- ing more and more each day to be re- garded in the business world as a posi- tive detriment to a man's greatest useful- ness. Coming back to the young reporter at that Brooklyn dinner, one of the speeches he was to report at the banquet was that of the President of the United States, and, not being very expert in his sten- ography he failed to get a large part of the speech. So, after the dinner was over, he sought the President, explained his plight, and asked the Chief Magis- trate if he could give him a printed copy of the speech. The reporter found the eyes of the President curiously fixed 73 Social Life and Amusements upon him, and heard him say : " My boy, can you wait a few minutes ? I want to speak to you." Of course, it was very easy for the boy to wait for the President of the United States and he did so. After fifteen minutes the President beckoned the boy reporter to him and said, abruptly : '' Tell me, why did you refuse wine at the dinner this evening? " Naturally the reporter was surprised. But he explained the resolution he had made for the first time that evening; whereupon the President, reaching for one of the plate cards on the table, said : *' I wish you would write your name and address on this card, please." To make a long story short, that young re- porter's paper the next day had the only verbatim report of the President's speech, whereas he himself received this note : My dear young friend: I have been telling Mrs. Hayes this morning of what you told me at the din- 79 Successward ner last evening and she was very much: interested. She would like to see you, and asks if you will call at where we are stopping in Brooklyn this evening at 8 :30. Very faithfully yours, Rutherford B. Hayes. It was a valuable friendship which that young reporter made that evening. Other friendships were constantly made possible to him through it. And it is easy for that young reporter now to look back and trace his starting point of acquaint- ance and opportunities to that unexpected friendship with the President of the United States and continued by a con- stant interchange of letters and advice until only a few days before his passing away. I have told this story chiefly to im- press upon young men the fallacy of the idea that a strict adherence to a princi- ple, whether it relates to spirituous liquors or anything else, makes a young man appear rather '' babyish," that he is tied to his mother's apron-strings as it is sometimes called, and in consequence is 80 Social Life and Amusements sometimes a barrier to his social popu- larity. In all the nineteen years in which that Brooklyn reporter has since refused to drink liquor at dinners, public or private, he has never found that he lost a single friend by his refusal. A young man who starts out in life with a fixed princi- ple, whether it be that he will not drink, nor smoke, nor indulge in anything which in his heart he feels is not good for him, or in which he does not con- scientiously believe, and adheres to that principle at all times, holds in his hand one of the most powerful elements of success in the world to-day. There is a great deal of common sense abroad in this world of ours, and a young man with a good principle is always safe to depend upon it. The men and women whose friendships are worth having are the men and women who have principles them- selves, and respect them in others, espe- cially when they find them in a young man. 8i Successward Another thing which led me to be abstemious was the damage which I saw wrought by an indulgence in liquor upon some of the finest minds with which it was ever my privilege to come in con- tact; and I concluded that what had re- sulted injuriously to others might prove so to me. I have seen, even in my few years of professional life, some of the smartest — yea, brilliant — literary men de- throned from splendid positions owing to nothing else but their indulgence in wines. I have known men with salaries of thousands of dollars per year, occupy- ing positions which hundreds would strive a lifetime to attain, come to beg- gary from drink. Only recently there applied to me, for any position I could offer him, one of the most brilliant edi- torial writers in the newspaper profes- sion — a man who, five years ago, easily commanded one hundred dollars for a single article in his special field. That man became so unreliable from drink that editors are now afraid of his articles ; and 82 Social Life and Amusements although he can to-day write as forcible editorials as at any time during his life, he sits in a cellar in one of our cities writing newspaper wrappers for one dol- lar per thousand. And that is only one instance of several I could recite here. I do not hold my friend up as a *' terrible example ; " he is but a type who con- vinced me that a clear mind and liquor do not go together. I know it is said, when one brings up such an instance as this, '' Oh well, that man drank to excess. One glass will hurt no one." How do these people know that it will not? One drop of kerosene has been known to throw into flame an almost hopeless fire, and one glass of liquor may fan into flame a smouldering spark hidden away where it was never thought to exist. The spark may be there and it may not. Why take the risk? Liquor to a healthy young man will never do him the least particle of good ; it may do him harm. The man for whom I have absolutely no use is the man who is con- 83 Successward tinually asking a young man to " just have a little; one glass, you know." A man who will wittingly urge a young man whom he knows has a principle against liquor is a man for whom a halter is too good. Then, as I looked around and came to know more of people and things, I found the always unanswerable argument in fa- vor of a young man's abstinence, i. e., that the most successful men in America to-day are those who seldom, if ever, lift a wine-glass to their lips. Becoming in- terested in this fact, I had the curiosity to personally inquire into it, and of twen- ty-eight of the leading business men in the country whose names I selected at random, twenty-two were abstainers. I made up my mind that there was some reason for this. If liquor brought safe pleasures, why did these men abstain from it? If, as some say, it is a stimu- lant to a busy man, why did not these men, directing the largest business inter- 84 Social Life and Amusements €sts in this country, resort to it? And when I saw that these were the men whose opinions in great business matters were accepted by the leading concerns of the world, I concluded that their judg- ment in the use of liquor would satisfy me. If their judgment in business mat- ters could command the respect and at- tention of the leaders of trade on both sides of the sea, their decision as to the use of liquor was not apt to be wrong. At least, it was good enough for me. As opportunities have come to me to go into homes and public places, I find that I do not occupy a solitary position. The tendency to abstain from liquor is growing more and more among young men of to-day. The brightest young men, who are filling positions of power and promise, never touch a drop of beer, wines, or intoxicants of any sort. And the young man who to-day makes up his mind that he will be on the safe side and adhere to strict abstinence will find that 85 Successward he is not alone. He has now the very best element in business and social life in the largest cities of our land with him. He will not be chided for his principle, but through it will command respect. It will not retard him in commercial success but prove his surest help. It will win him no enemies, but bring him the friendship of upright men and good women.. It will insure him the highest commer- cial esteem and the brightest social posi- tion. And as it molds his character in youth, so will it develop him into a successful man and a good citizen. I know young men are sometimes in- clined to believe that abstinence from wines is apt to prove a barrier to their social success. *' It looks unsociable," it is claimed. But all the same, the highest social respect is assured a young man just in proportion as he abstains from wines. An indulgence in intoxicants of any sort has never helped a man to 86 Social Life and Amusements any social position worth the having ; on the contrary, it has' kept many from at- taining a position to which by birth and good breeding and all other qualifications they were entitled. No young man will ever find that the principle of abstinence from liquor is a barrier to any success, social, commercial, or otherwise. On the other hand, it is the one principle in his life which will, in the long run, help him more than any other. And touching the point of etiquette on this question, whether it is in better form in drinking wines at dinner to turn down one's glasses or have them removed, I would say, neither. Simply shield the glasses with the hand as the waiter reaches your place at the table with each course of wine. Turning down one's wine-glasses or causing them to be removed from the table always seems to me to be an un- necessary and rather a disagreeable way of pronouncing one's principles. So far as the habit of smoking is con- cerned — whether it takes the form of a 87 Successward cigarette, cigar, or pipe — I do not be- lieve in the idea which tells a young man that he must not smoke. I say, rather, he will be wisest if he does not smoke. His health will be the better for it and his pocket-book the fuller. If the physi- cal or mental injury to be derived from smoking is an open question, the good it does is not. Smoking does absolutely no good to any one; it is simply a ques- tion of the extent of harm that it does. But if a young fellow is inclined to smoke, if he has a taste for it that he feels he must indulge, then let him smoke moderately. The greatest danger in smoking is in the imperceptible growth of the habit ; and this is particularly true of cigarette-smoking. Unless a young man has himself well in hand, he will find that cigarette-smoking has a nasty way of growing upon one. He may at first smoke only two or three cigarettes per day. After a while he adds a fourth. In a year it will be five per day ; and so it goes on multiplying, but never diminish- 88 Social Life and Amusements ing, until the habit gets a hold which many find it impossible to shake off. Then follow irritability, nervousness, loss of memory and of appetite, and all kindred complaints, which are killing to a young fellow's health, and necessarily to his hap- piness and success. This, to my mind, is the danger which lurks in tobacco ; the actual harm is not in its use, but in its abuse. And use easily leads to abuse in the vast majority of cases. An excuse is always at hand to make an extra cigar- ette or cigar permissible on a special oc- casion. But after a bit special occasions multiply. I believe that if young men would not smoke until they attained their thirtieth year, it would be the wisest so- lution of this whole question. One thing is certain : the young man who does not smoke is far better off than he who does ; and those addicted to tobacco will, I think, agree with this statement. It is only natural that no young man desires to remain at home every evening of the week ; and the question naturally 89 Successward arises, What are the best amusements for a young fellow ? And on this point opin- ions must necessarily differ. For example, there is the question of attendance at the theater. There are peo- ple — and delightful, good, and conscien- tious people they are, too — who sincerely disapprove of the theater. To their minds the playhouse is simply a trick of the devil to lure young men to destruction. To condemn the theater as an institu- tion, however, and say to young men in- discriminately that they must keep away from it, is, to my mind, wrong. Because there are bad plays it does not necessarily follow that there are no good plays. There are — not in plenty, but neverthe- less they exist. I believe in the theater in moderation, so long as good actors and good plays are selected. Then I hold that the theater is a source of education to a young man. It will bring before him the lessons of life in a more effective way than is possible by any method of reading or studying. But no general rule 90 Social Life and Amusements can be followed in this form, or, for that matter, in any other form of amusement. To some young men the theater is an ab- solute harm, and has an injurious effect. If he be of susceptible mind and of weak character, he will be influenced by the life he sees on the stage, believe it to be real, and, ofttimes as not, he will fashion his own life and desires by it. This is where the theater does positive injury, and such a young man should never at- tend it. If, however, he is strong of character, and goes to the theater in the right spirit, it is good for him. A good play is a wonderful stimulant, a power- ful rejuvenant of spirits. It pleases the senses as nothing else can do ; it takes the mind away from every-day affairs in a way that no factor in life, save, per- haps, a good book, does. And a good play is as beneficial as a good book. It is unfortunate that we have so few really good plays on the boards of our theaters ; but they are there, nevertheless. And with care in our selection, it does us all 91 Successward good to go to the theater and enjoy a hearty laugh, or to see the mirror held up to nature. Young men are often puzzled, too, as to the right position to assume as regards dancing. So far as this form of amuse- ment is concerned, I have always liked to believe that dancing, like going to the theater, is good when enjoyed in modera- tion. Its unhealthy possibilities in a moral sense no young fellow of the right sort ever thinks of or considers. It is only when they are discussed — as, unfortu- nately, they are all too often in print — that they suggest themselves. Dancing, to my mind, when it is not indulged in promiscuously, but with friends and ac- quaintances of the opposite sex, is one of the highest forms of enjoyment, and one that gives to a young fellow that which we all should possess, grace and the ability to carry ourselves well. But, like all good things, dancing can be abused, and then the injurious effects come in. If a young fellow goes to a dance, and dances all 92 Social Life and Amusements evening without any regard to his physi- cal abilities, he exhausts himself and is unfit for his regular duties on the mor- row. When the practice is followed in this wise, and a late supper — which gen- erally means cold or iced foods on a heated stomach — is indulged in, then one of the most graceful and enjoyable of pleasures is taken out of its proper place and becomes an injury. There is one thing, however, which a young man carving his own career in the world soon finds out for himself, and it is that dances, as a rule, are very exhaust- ing pleasures and generally mean late hours. And after a while he feels that they interfere w4th his business duties on the following day. Then it is that he must make a choice, and, of course, danc- ing must suffer and '' go by the board," so to speak. As I have said a few para- graphs back, any. social pleasure which interferes with a young fellow's best business interests is bad. What one young man can stand another cannot, and 93 Successward hence every one must decide for himself. He need only keep his health in mind. If he finds that any pleasure — whether it be attendance at the theater, dancing, or what not — makes him wish next day that he had not indulged in it, it should be perfectly clear to him that that particu- lar social pleasure is not for him, and he should give it up. • Card-playing has never had any special attraction for me, and so I can say very little for it. A good game of whist, eu- chre, cribbage, or hearts is enjoyable; but I have always felt that playing at whist, particularly with experts, is more or less of a mental strain, and should not be indulged in by those who are required to use their mental faculties during the day. To some, however, it is a relaxa- tion, a recreation, and to these it is good. Gambling at cards, or gambling or bet- ting of any sort whatever, is a practice in which no self-respecting young fellow can indulge. It is generally the first step downward; and whether it tends in that 94 Social Life and Amusements way or not, it always, without exception, has its evil effects. Therefore it is wisest to shun it, and shun it absolutely. The growth of outdoor sports in this country has made thousands of young men interested in wheeling, tennis, base- ball, foot-ball, golf and kindred sports ; and no national sign is more encourag- ing. The deeper the interest which every young man evinces in manly sports the better it is not only for him in every pos- sible way, but for the generation succeed- ing him. It betokens a clean, healthy mind when a young fellow takes an hon- est, sincere interest in outdoor sports. But the great danger is in overdoing this. Sports are splendid in their place and at their time, but too many of our young men allow them to interfere with their business interests. A young man in busi- ness cannot allow his interest in base-ball, or any other sport, to become so absorb- ing as to take first place in his mind. There is no earthly reason why an in- terest in foot-ball, base-ball, golf or any 95 Successward other sport, confined within proper bounds and at the proper time, should not be good. But when a young fellow finds that he knows the standing of the base-ball clubs in the various leagues, or the names of the players, or their batting averages, better than he knows the names of the customers of his employer, or the prices of the goods he is paid to sell, or the discounts of his house, then I say his interest is directed against his own good. What are called " base-ball cranks " or *' bicycle fiends " or '' foot-ball enthusi- asts " are never good business men, and their standing in the community is on a par with their overwrought interest. A young man's social life and his in- dulgences must, in other words, be tem- pered with reason and common sense. He should have a social side to his nature, but that side must not dominate him. If it does, it affects his business interests; and a young man whose thoughts during business hours are fixed upon a pleasure of the evening before, or upon a sport of 96 Social Life and Amusements the morrow, soon finds himself outdis- tanced in the race for success by others who keep such things in their proper places. A little common sense here counts for much. It counts for everything, in fact. 97 A FEW PREFATORY WORDS The average young man is apt to think that success is not for him. To his mind it is a gift to the few, not to the many. " The rich, the fortunate — they are the only people who can be successful," is the way he generally interprets it. And it is this wrong conception of success which this book aims to remove. It has no other purpose save to show that suc- cess — and the truest and best success — is possible to any young man of honorable motives. The subject is not new. All that is hoped for from this book is that it may have for young men a certain sense of nearness to their own lives and thoughts, from the fact that it is not written by a patriarch whose young manhood is far behind him, but by a young man to whom the noise of the vii A Few Prefatory Words battle is an every-day living reality. He thinks he knows what a fight for success means to a young fellow, and he writes with the smoke of the battle around him and from the very thick of the fight. E. B. Philadelphia. vui VI Sowing His Wild Oats VI SOWING HIS WILD OATS It is a common saying, and a belief equally as general, that it is not only es- sential, but it is assumed as right, that a young man should, at some time in his life, '' sow his wild oats." This sowing of one's wild oats means, in plainer words, that a young man should have his ^' fling," as it is called ; that is, he must ** see the world." And from the way some people talk about this matter one would imagine that every man had instilled into him at his birth a certain amount of deviltry, which he must get rid of before he can become a man of honor. For what is called " sow- ing wild oats " is nothing more or less than self-degradation to any young man. It does not make a man one particle more lOI Successward of a man because he has passed through a siege of riotous Uving and indiscretion when he was twenty, or twenty-five or thirty; it makes him just as much less of a man. It dwarfs his views of Hfe far more than it broadens them. And he realizes this afterward. He does not know one iota more of '' life/' except a cer- tain phase of it, which, if it has glitter for him in youth, becomes a repellent re- membrance to him when he is matured. The reputation and power that comes of right living and good character are what the man from forty to seventy covets, and nothing but the well-spent years of early life can secure these. There is no such thing as an investigation period in a man's moral living; at one period it is as important for him to be clean-minded, and honorable as at another. To my mind no young man need seek this '' darker side of life " which the sow- ing of wild oats means. The good Lord knows that it forces itself upon our at- tention soon enough. It does not wait to I02 Sowing His Wild Oats be sought. A young man need not be afraid that he will fail to see it. He will see plenty of it, and without any seeking on his part, either. And even if he does fail to become conversant with it, he is the gainer in the end. There are a great many things which we can accept by in- ference as existing in this world. It is not a necessary part of an education to see them. Too many young men have a burning itch to see wickedness — not to indulge in it, as they are quick to ex- plain, but simply to see it. But the thou- sands of men who have never seen it have never felt themselves the losers. If any- thing, they are glad of it. It does not raise a man's ideal to come into contact with certain types of manhood or woman- hood which are only removed from the lowest types of the animal kingdom by virtue of the fact that the Creator chose to have them get through the world on two legs instead of four. The loftiest ideal of womanhood that a young man can form in his impressionable days will 103 Successward prove none too high for him in his years of maturity. To be true to the best that is within a man means, above all, to be an earnest believer in the very best quali- ties of womanhood. Let him accept by inference that there are two types of woman, the good and the bad. But he will be wiser and happier if he associate only with the former. There are hun- dreds of good women in this world to every one of the contrasting element. No young man has, therefore, a valid excuse for seeking the latter. Sometimes this " sowing of wild oats " is deemed necessary to insure to a young man what is called " a broader view of life ; " whereas, in reality, no means that could be devised gives him such a con- tracted, narrow, and unsatisfactory stand- ard. A broad view of life means the cul- tivation of a mind that can take in every part of the horizon of the truest living; that can see good in everything; that ac- cepts the good, and rejects, not investi- gates, the bad. We can always leave that 104 Sowing His Wild Oats for some one else to do. The outlook from the bridge of an ocean steamer is far better than it is from the stoke-hole. Curiosity may lead some people to go down and look into the stoke-holes of life; but take my word for it, you will find the atmosphere purer and the vision clearer if you stay on the bridge. To see " the wheels go round " is a very instruc- tive thing to do in directions where the motive is a good one, prompted by lofty ideas. But some '' wheels " are far bet- ter unseen. Satisfy a healthy curiosity always, but shun the other kind. There is no satisfaction to be had, and a man whose curiosity overcomes him is always disgusted with the poor return he re- ceives for his trouble. The young man who reaches manhood without a knowledge of the dark and vicious side of human nature is far better off than the one who has seen it. He will lose nothing by not having seen it ; not an ounce less of respect will be meted out to him. But he will feel prouder of him- 105 Successward self, and men will respect him infinitely more for the strength of his will-power. Not long since a young fellow wrote to me in this connection, and said in his letter : '' What's the use of leading a straight life? Nobody gives you credit for it. Society expects a more or less di- verting life from a young fellow ; it ac- cepts him as such. Practically, it calls him a ' ninny ' if he doesn't diverge from the straight path once in a while. It only asks of him that he shall not be found out." I can scarcely imagine a view of life so entirely wrong in its personal applica- tion. The real '' use " of leading a " straight life " is apparently absolutely overlooked by this young man, who seems to think that his life is lived for others rather than for himself. The " use " of leading an honorable life concerns itself with the young man himself. He is ac- countable to himself — to his own con- science, to his own heart. Of what pos- sible satisfaction is it to get credit from 106 Sowing His Wild Oats others for doing what is best for one's self? Men do not lead honorable lives for the sake of getting credit for it — to win the hand of applause. They do it for themselves ; for their own inner sat- isfaction, that they may be true to them- selves and to the best that is within them. Aside from this paramount fact, how- ever, people do give a young man credit for the life that he leads, and they are far more often aware of it than the young man supposes. But it depends upon the people whose favor the young man val- ues. If he seeks the recognition of what is so wrongly called and known as the " smart set " of our large cities, a right- eous life, an upright life, an honorable life — in other words, a manly life — may not count for so much. But the aimless men and silly women who constitute that body figure for nothing in the life of an earnest young man. If, however, he associates with men who in his developing days can mean much to him, and whose 107 Successward acquaintance in later years will be a pride and a joy to him, if he finds company in women who arouse his best thoughts and truest motives, he will find that his life, free from blemish, is appreciated, is un- derstood, is recognized, and is known. There is an indefinable chord which al- ways draws the right men to the young man of pure life. They are the men who give credit to a young fellow who tries to live aright, and they are the only men worth his knowing. These men may not openly applaud him, but they will give him their confidence, their good will, their friendship ; and in later years he will more fully understand what these elements mean to him. These men do not call a young man a '* ninny " when he leads an upright life; they call him a manly fellow, and they take him into their hearts and into their homes. By the best part of mankind a young man is always known by his true color. Of that he need never fear. An adherence to high principles shows itself in every io8 Sowing His Wild Oats thought and every action of a young man, and it always counts for something and much. And as he progresses in life, and a clearer understanding of the right kind of living comes to him, he will see with his own eyes that the men who hold the true respect of the world are the men who were pure-lived and who can fearlessly and honestly look every man and woman, in the eye. 109 VII In Matters of Dress VII IN MATTERS OF DRESS We may like it or not, but we are judged in this world first for what we are, but also as we look ; and a young man's common sense should teach him that it is always wise to create a good impression. It does much for him, and he cannot afford to ignore it. Good clothes cannot make a young man, but they are a help; and when carving out a career it is only pure justice to himself that he should take advantage of every point offered him. In other words, I be- lieve it is a duty which every young man owes to himself to be well dressed. But to be well dressed does not necessarily imply the highest-priced clothes, cut ac- cording to the latest patterns. It is just as possible to be well attired in clothes 113 Successward of moderate cost, so long as they are not '' loud " or "showy," but quiet and neat. The average young fellow undoubtedly errs in this matter of dress. With his tastes unfixed, in the majority of cases he goes to either one of two extremes : he either dresses shabbyy because he claims he cannot afford to do otherwise, or he goes to the other extreme and tries to imitate the styles affected by the extre- mists in dress, and necessarily makes himself an object of ridicule. Clothes are moderate enough in price nowadays to make it possible for every young man, no matter how humble his income, to be neatly attired. The secret of a neat appearance in dress does not depend upon the number of suits he may have, but upon the manner in which even a single suit is taken care of and how it is worn. Many a young man with a ward- robe of but two suits of clothes looks neater than another who has five or six suits with which to alternate. The art of looking well depends, first, upon the 114 In Matters of Dress choice of clothes, and, second, how they are taken care of. If a young man has a moderate income he should make it a point to select only the quiet patterns of dark colors. Not only is this more eco- nomical, but it is in better taste than are the lighter and more conspicuous clothes. If he will look around him a bit, he will find that the successful men of the day are always the most quiet dressers. Their clothes are never conspicuous ; they never attract attention. It is only the fop of shallow mind who invites attention by his dress. There is a certain class of pic- tures that require elaborate gilt frames in order to set off the little merit they possess ; and likewise are there scores of men who must dress conspicuously in or- der to gain even the most meager atten- tion. Men who are least certain of their position always dress the showiest. Hence if a young man dresses quietly and neatly he pursues not only the best, but the only wise course. His dress is a pretty accu- rate reflection of his character, and very 115 Successward often he is judged, to a certain extent, by the taste which he shows in his clothes. But while a young man injures himself by showy dressing, he has no business to dress shabbily. Shabby clothes are no longer an eccentricity of genius. There are men of genius who have achieved de- served fame and substantial success who are absolutely indifferent to their appear- ance. And the world overlooks and for- gives it. But this is only possible with men of commanding genius whose posi- tions are established ; and the young man who takes these men as models so far as attire goes makes a sorry mistake. It is given to men of high position and of es- tablished success to follow a great many little eccentricities which are not over- looked in a young man struggling to make a career. Aside from the aspect of mere appear- ance, neatness in dress is undoubtedly a great inner and outer factor in a young man's success. Neat clothes communi- cate a sense of neatness to the body, and, ii6 In Matters of Dress in turn, this sense of neatness of the per- son is extended to the work in hand. As we feel, so unquestionably do we work. Our clothes unmistakably affect our feel- ings, as any man knows who has experi- enced the different sensation that comes to him when attired in a new suit from the feeling when wearing old clothes. No employer expects his clerks of moderate income to dress in the immediate fash- ions, but he likes to see them neat in ap- pearance. It commends them to his at- tention. We all have an inner conscious- ness that a young man who keeps him- self looking neat and clean is more wor- thy of our confidence than he who is re- gardless of his appearance and looks soiled and shabby. Neatness always at- tracts, just as shabbiness invariably re- pulses. Particularly would I emphasize the value of clean linen to a young man. There is no earthly excuse why any young fellow should wear soiled collars and cuffs. Soap and water are within 117 Successward the reach of the smallest purse, and the home or the outer laundry is accessible to all. No single element in his dress cuts more of a figure in a young man's success than his linen. However worn may be his clothes, his appearance always invites closer proximity when his linen is clean. I do not wish to be understood as mak- ing too much of dress as a factor in a young man's life. But I believe in it suf- ficiently, and I have seen evidences again and again to strengthen that belief, that no young fellow anxious for his self-bet- terment can afford to slight his appear- ance. No fair computation can be of- fered as to what percentage of his income he should expend on his dress. That de- pends altogether too much on circum- stances. But I thoroughly believe and strongly counsel that he should dress as well as his means allow; no better, but no worse. Money spent on a neat ap- pearance is never wasted with a man, be he young or old. The chief danger which ii8 In Matters of Dress the young man has to battle with is dress- ing beyond his means. A tendency to- ward extravagance is never justifiable, r.o matter what may be his income. Ex- travagance is always wasteful. But neither must he economize too closely. In a word, he should strive always to look neat; to present the best appearance he can. The extreme styles presented in men's clothes are like the extreme styles fash- ioned for women : they should be left for those who have large wardrobes. The young man of limited wardrobe cannot afford to have anything in it which is in the immediate style one year and out of fashion the next year. Quiet patterns in clothes, in cravats, in shoes, and in linen are always in style. The marvelous com- binations we see in young men's clothes, of extreme long coats, of light cloths and large patterns in suitings, of razor- pointed shoes, of pink shirts white col- lars and blue cravats, are generally worn by excremists in dress, or by those of me- 119 Successward diocre tastes whose exhibition of those tastes always keeps them in the lower stations of life. These styles should never be affected by the young man who wishes to gain the confidence of his superiors in business, or the respect of the people in social life whose friendships will be of value and benefit to him. A young man, so far as this matter of dress is con- cerned, cannot do better than always re- member this one inflexible rule: that the best dressers among men follow the same method as do the best dressers among women — they dress well, but quietly. And quiet dressing is always in good taste. 1 20 VIII His Religious Life VIII HIS RELIGIOUS LIFE When a writer seeks to present the religious life of a being, be he young man or patriarch, it naturally follows that he can only be general in what he says. Re- ligion is too much a matter of one's in- nermost feelings, of one's own convic- tions, to be governed by rule or exam- ple. But in these days of men more or less wise, when many of the truths which our forefathers held sacred are being dis- cussed in so-called " new lights," and when the convictions of many are dis- turbed by reason of these " new doc- trines," it is well, I think, that young men should bear in mind one or two funda- mental truths so far as the religious side of their lives is concerned. It is not within the province of this 123 Successward book to treat either of dogmas or creeds, or of the necessity of church-going; but it does come within its Hnes to say these words to every young man who reads this chapter : No matter what present revelations or subsequent discoveries may prove or seek to disprove as to rehgious teachings, one great essential can never be altered, and that is the necessity of a firm faith, an absolute belief, that a wise God rules over this universe and over the destiny of each and every living man, woman, or child. Whatever constitutes that God is not for us to solve. The wisest of us can only dimly comprehend it. Our minds are finite; the Spirit who rules us is infinite; and nothing finite can comprehend or un- derstand the infinite. Enough is it for us to know that there is a God, that there is a Supreme Being, a Creator, a Ruler. That is all it is given us to know. It is all that the new-born infant can know ; it is all that the finest and keenest men- tality ever given to man can know. But 124 I His Religious Life that there is a great Creator no one can doubt ; everything in nature points to that one fact ; and the young man who refuses to beheve in the existence of a God makes the greatest and most momentous mis- take of his hfe. Without that faith, with- out that absohite conviction, he is not only hindered or crippled in whatever he undertakes, but he is simply helpless. On that point he cannot afford to err; to doubt it, even in the light of the most ad- vanced knowledge that can ever be pre- sented, he cannot for one single moment allow himself. This much is absolute. Another point is like unto it, and it is that every person can go to that Creator and Dispenser of all good, and receive, through supplication, guidance in all af- fairs. This is but another way of ex- pressing an earnest, a heartfelt, an honest belief in prayer. Whatever arguments may be brought to bear upon this ques- tion, one thing remains undisputed : that an honest and earnest prayer sent forth from the human heart to its Heavenly 125 Successward Father, for guidance or for help, is sure, and absolutely sure, to bring strength and enlightenment to the mind. No sci- entific analysis can refute this. Too many millions of people have experienced the truth of this in their lives. Argument on this point is pointless ; it is fruitless.* A young man might as well argue that he loved his mother. Conscious experi- ence does more than theoretical argu- ment, and that conscious experience has taught the happiest men and the best women who ever lived that there is a di- rect communication between God and the humblest person who ever lived, and that a prayer for guidance sent from the heart of man to that God is never lost There is in every man and woman not alone sub- stance of material matter, but a spiritual nature which, if kept in daily contact with its God, finds a response such as can come from no finite source. This truth no young man can hesitate to believe — the efficacy of prayer. It requires no creed to believe it, no dogma, no form of re- 126 His Religious Life ligion. It is a simple belief that to ask a heavenly guidance in all things good and right means a fruition of the highest and best hopes of a man. With this absolute faith in the exist- ence of a God, and in prayer, only one thing more is needed to complete the fun- damental basis of all religions — an honest effort to live according to our conscience and to the best and truest that is within ourselves. Here, then, is a simple religion for any young man. If his heart craves it and his mind can compass it, he can go deeper into the question and believe more. But less he cannot accept. Nor, if he is wise, will he wish to accept less. All objec- tions fall before so simple a code of belief. It asks for no great mental capacity ; it is beyond the mental power of none. The rising and setting of the sun, the coming of the seasons, the downfall of night upon day," the birth of a child, the death of a man — everything proves to the humblest mind that this is a religion which it can 127 Successward accept without hesitancy, without a single misgiving. When we go beyond these fundamental principles we go into ques- tions which are complex and open to in- dividual construction. However a young man may decide for himself those ques- tions, he cannot shirk the three points I have dwelt upon. They will teach him a respect for all sacred things, without which no man can earn respect for him- self. They will teach him charity for the faults of others, without which none can hope for leniency for his own shortcom- ings. They will teach him to hold out the helping hand to others, without which he can himself never succeed. They will keep him close to the teachings and the beliefs of his mother, withour which a young man is untrue to the source from which he sprang. I think, so far as church attendance is concerned, that a young man serves his best interests if he is a regular attendant at some form of worship. I do not say he should or must ; I simply believe he 128 His Religious Life is wisest if he does identify himself with some religious body which comes closest to his tastes and beliefs. Whatever be the faults of the church as an institution, a young man must not forget the fact that it is an order born of God, that He sanc- tioned it, and that if it has its shortcom- ings it is simply because man is not per- fect. Young men with their critical fac- ulties on the alert are prone to discover some single defect, or what looks to them as a defect, in some church with which they are acquainted, and foolishly con- demn the church as an institution. Or they will see hypocrisy stand out bold and clear in some man or woman known as a devout attendant at church, and they con- demn church-membership as a whole and belittle the influence of religious teach- ings. This is wrong, and hence it is un- fair. None of us would think of con- demning all the flowers that grow simply because of a few that are poisonous to the touch. Or, because we know some women who do not follow righteous lives, 129 Successward we certainly would not condemn the en- tire sex of women, which would neces- sarily include our own mother. We can- not condemn the many because of the few. A young man should keep his mind fixed on the purposes of the church as an institution, and those purposes affect him for the reason that the church is to-day the balancing power between this earth being a chaos and what it is. It is the greatest safeguard to home and society; and because of the fact that it is such a powerful safeguard, many things are made possible for him which, without the church, it would be impossible for him to enjoy. The church is an indispensable factor in our modern life, and it holds out more possibilities for good to a young man than any other single institution. Its influence is always sure, and he can de- pend upon it. The best people of our land are its upholders. The most suc- cessful men are among its believers and worship at its altar. Worship — true wor- ship of the heart — does not imply a sickly 130 His Religious Life sentimentality, as some young men be- lieve ; to go to church is not " babyish," nor to stay away from it '' smart." A true behef in the church and its funda- mental teachings is one of the manliest qualities which one can possess. In its atmosphere of worship the spiritual — that is, the softer and gentler — side of man dominates the material side, and to a young man in the race for success this is all-essential. And here let me say a word touching the application of religious principles to a young man's business life. The question is asked, and as often discussed : *' Is a life built upon religious principles really compatible with a young man's business success ? " Or sometimes it is put : " Does it really pay to be honest in business ? " Or again : " Can a young man be relig- ious and yet successful? " Of course all are but variations of the same question. Now the simple fact of the matter boiled down is that a business success is absolutely impossible upon any other 131 Successward basis than an honorable one, followed upon lines of the very strictest honesty. The great trouble with young men is that their ideas are altogether too much influenced by a few unfortunate exam- ples of apparent success which are promi- nent — too prominent, alas ! — in American life to-day. These examples, for the most part representing politicians, are re- garded in the eyes of the world as suc- cessful ; that is, they are talked about in- cessantly ; interviewed by reporters ; they lavishly buy diamonds for their wives and build costly houses; and all these are •duly reported in the newspapers. Young men read these things and ask them- selves, '' If he can, why not I ? " Then they begin to look around for some ^' short cut to success," as one young fel- low expressed it to me not long since. And it is precisely through this method of " cutting across lots " in business that scores of young men find themselves, after a while, completely baffled. And the man who has once had about him an 132 His Religious Life unsavory taint in his business methods rarely — very rarely — rids himself of that atmosphere in the eyes of his confreres. How often we see some young man in business representative of the very best qualities that should win success ! Every one agrees that he is brilliant. " He is clever," is the general verdict. He im- presses one well in his manner, he is thoroughly businesslike, is energetic, and yet, somehow or other, he never seems to get into a place and stick there. People wonder at it, and excuse it on the ground that he has not quite found his right place. But some day the secret is ex- plained. *' Yes, he is clever," says some old business man, " but, don't you know, he isn't — well, he isn't just safe ! " Just safe ! How much that expresses ; how clearly that defines hundreds and hun- dreds of thp smartest young men in busi- ness to-day! He is everything else, but he isn't " just safe ! " He is not dishonest in any way, but he is, what is equally as bad, not quite reliable. To attain success ^33 Successward he has, in other words, tried to " cut across lots." And rainbow-chasing is really a very commendable business in comparison with a young man's search ^ for the '* royal road to success." No suc- cess worth attaining is easy; the greater the obstacles to overcome the surer is the success when attained. " Royal roads " are poor highways to travel in any pur- suit, and especially in a business calling. It is strange how reluctant young men are to accept as the most vital truth in life that the most absolute honesty is the only kind of honesty that succeeds in business. It is not a question of religion or religious beliefs. Honesty does not depend upon any religious creed or dogma that was ever conceived. It is a question of a young man's own con- science. He knows what is right and what is wrong. And yet, simple as the matter is, it is astonishing how difficult it is of understanding. An honest course in business seems too slow to the average young man. *' I can't afford to plod 134 His Religious Life along. I must strike, and strike quickly," is the sentiment. True, but not dishon- estly. No young man can afford to even think of dishonesty. Success on honor- able lines may sometimes seem slower in coming, but when it does come it out- rivals in permanency all the so-called successes gained by other methods. To look at the methods of others is always a mistake. The successes of to-day are not given to the imitator, but to the originator. It makes no difference how other men may succeed — their success is theirs and not yours. You cannot par- take of it. Every man is a law unto him- self. The most absolute integrity is the one and the only sure foundation of suc- cess. Such a success is lasting and the only one which wins respect. Other kinds of successes may seem so, but it is all in the seeming and not in the reality. Let a young man swerve from the path of honesty and it will surprise him how quickly every avenue of a lasting success is closed against him. Making money 135 Successward dishonestly is the most difficult thing to accomplish in the world, just as lying is the practice most wearing to the mind. It is the young man of unquestioned in- tegrity who is selected for the important position. No business man ever places his business in the hands of a young man whom he feels he cannot absolutely trust. And to be trusted means to be honest. Honesty, and that alone, commands con- fidence. An honest life well directed is the only life for a young man to lead. It is the one life that is compatible with the largest and surest business success. A religious life, whether in business or out of business, is one which every young man not only should, but can follow. It partakes of no gloom, as many suppose ; it means no depression of spirits. It means simply the living of an upright life, a life of respectability. Religion is nothing more nor less than an adherence to the simple code I have presented : a recognition of a God, and an allegiance in manner of life to that God. And that 136 His Religious Life manner of living is simply a healthy de- velopment of the spiritual nature — keep- ing close to one's best instincts. The communion of a man with his Creator comes with such a manner of living. But this is all that a religious life means. That comprises true religion, at once the easiest and the safest element for any young man to take into his life. It will stand the severest test, and will prove a veritable Rock of Gibraltar to him in time of anxiety and trouble. 137 IX His Attitude Toward Women IX HIS ATTITUDE TOWARD WOMEN The attitude which a young man as- sumes toward women is one of the surest index-fingers to his character, and noth- ing stamps him with such unerring accuracy before men. And if this be true in a general sense of his attitude toward the whole sex, it applies with particular force to his position as son. '' As is the son so will be the husband," is a well- known saying, and it is likewise true that as is the son so is the man. When a young man reverences his mother it is easy for him to believe in the nobility of the sex to which she belongs. And it is a correct belief. That women are morally better and spiritually nobler than men should be be- lieved by every young man. No ideal of 141 Successward the best and truest qualities of woman- hood is too high for him to set for him- self. Such a belief of his young man- hood will become a conviction of his later manhood. I know that it is the fashion of some men to speak lightly of women and womanhood ; and young men in their susceptible years are sometimes apt to listen to these low standards, and inclined to accept them or be mfluenced by them. But of one thing every young fellow may be assured : that the man who speaks of woman in''any but the most respectful terms is either a knave or a fool — very often he is both. And this is one of the few rules in life to which there is no ex- ception. I wish that young men would more closely associate their mothers with women in general, and realize that every slur cast upon women as a sex is a slur upon their mothers. This is the feeling which prompted General Grant to give a lesson in politeness which will always be told of him. The story is doubtless familiar to all how one evening an officer 142 His Attitude Toward Women came into camp, and in a rollicking mood said to those assembled: '' I have such a rich story that I want to tell you. There are no women present, are there? " Whereupon General Grant, lifting his eyes from the paper which he was read- ing, and slowly looking his officer square in the eye, said slowly, but deliberately : *' No, but there are gentlemen pres- ent." Nothing in this world stamps a man more decisively in the eyes of his fellow- men than the practice of telling " off- color " stories in which women are con- cerned. I have often seen this practice followed, but never yet have I seen a single instance when the story-teller did not lower himself in the estimation of his listeners. Men are prone to laugh at these stories when they are told them ; but privately I have noticed that they form their own opinion of the man who tells them, and the opinion is always of one kind. It is the man 143 Successward who upholds womanhood who com- mands the respect of other men; the man who attempts to lower it invariably invites their distrust. The men who hold that '' every woman has her price " are the men who, in the esti- mation of other men, have no price at all, commercially, socially, or morally. The man who uses such an expression re- garding woman simply apes the " smart " utterance of the first fool that God ever made, and after whose pattern all the other fools in this world were created. A man who truly loves his mother, wife, sister, or sweetheart never tells a story which lowers her sex in the eyes of others. He who tells such a story is al- ways lacking in some one respect, and generally it is common decency. I have dwelt upon this point because I should like young fellows to believe more firmly than they do that it is not " caddishness " or " babyishness " or " goody-goody- ness " to refuse to listen to a story which makes light of women ; it is one of the 144 His Attitude Toward Women manliest qualities which a young fellow can show, and deep down in his heart every man will respect a young man for such a position. The higher order of men never forget that, being born of woman, they owe an obligation to their mother's sex which, as loyal sons and true gentlemen, forbids them to listen without protest to offensive stories in which woman is concerned. And no young man can listen to this class of stories without offending his mother, his sister, or the girl who a little later will teach him, through her own sweet life, that whatever is said to the moral detri- ment of her sex is a slander, and a reflec- tion upon the two women who, one at the beginning of his life and the other at its ending, will prove his best friends — his mother and his wife. It has often been said before, but it is one of those truths which can as often be said again, that a woman is a man's truest and most loving friend, first, last, and all the time. And particularly is this so of 145 Successward a mother. I know perfectly well that young men are apt sometimes to think that their mothers are unreasonable. And they are, sometimes, undoubtedly, and a little selfish, too. But one point must not be forgotten : it is an unreasonableness and a selfishness born of a mother's sur- est instinct for the best interests of her boy. I can look back to my earliest years of young manhood and see where, again and again, I thought my mother was either wrong or unreasonable or prone to be a trifle too cautious. But I can also look back now, and I cannot see one in- stance in which after-events did not prove her to be right. And to-day it is easy to say that if it has been given me to achieve even the smallest measure of success in my life thus far, it is all and entirely due to the influence of my mother, and to my absolute confidence in that influence. No woman has been so much to me than she who is my mother, my confidante, my truest and best friend 146 His Attitude Toward Women — always watchful, always loving, always true, always the same. There is no deeper or greater satisfac- tion to a man than to be able to have his mother live to see him fairly launched on a successful career of usefulness. If his, father dies before he has made his mark in the world he does not seem to feel it so keenly. But somehow he always wants his mother to live long enough to see for herself that she did not give him life for naught, and that the world is a little bet- ter oft for the being which she gave unto it. The applause of the world is little compared with a motherly benediction, and more precious to him is the re- membrance of such a blessing in after years than all the honors that can be showered upon him or the riches that may come to him. It has been my privi- lege to hear this sacred thought from the lips of more than one of the most famous of American men — men who are to-day leaders in their professions, others who 147 Successward have gone to their graves crowned with ripest honors and fullest laurels. For men, even in their most mature years, are, after all, nothing but grown boys. The fond stroke of a mother's hand is as welcome at forty as at four- teen. Ah, those women who come into a room when a man is almost worn out, and bring new life and new hope and new spirit with them ! Those God-inspired mothers and wives, who say so much in a smile, who speak so lovingly to us in a look, who send a thrill of confidence through a man in a tender pressure of the hand ! They know us so well. They knew us when we were children, but how much better they know us when we are men! We try to convince them that we are no longer boys, but only a quiet little smile and a fond little petting shows us the fallacy of our own words. They stroke our cheeks, and somehow the mind seems more restful and the brain ceases to throb. The things we try to hide from them are the very things we tell them 148 His Attitude Toward Women about. They know with a single look just what is troubling us, and although they never ask us, we pour out to them our worries just as we did when we were children. The quarrels of the playground have only become the worries of business, and the baby of the cradle has simply be- come the baby of the mother's heart. It is easy for a man to think well of woman when he can look at her through the eyes of a good mother. And it is this which I want every young fellow to do. His mother should be the central fig- ure of womanhood to him — his ideal, his standard ; and while necessarily other women will suffer in comparison, it will only be in the respect that to the one he is a son, while to the others he is a man. The tenderest solicitude which a young man can show to his mother, the most unremitting care he can give her, are none too good for the life he owes to her. And the more tender his feelings for her the stronger he will find his faith grow in her sex. T49 Successward * There is no influence to be compared with that of a good woman over the life of a young man. It means every- thing to him, his success in every phase of hfe. Men are by nature coarse and brutal ; it is the influence of woman which softens them. But no influence is pro- ductive of the best and surest results un- less we make ourselves susceptible to it. If we lack faith in woman, if we fail in the right ideal of womanhood, all her in- * fluence will be as naught upon us. From the beginning of the world woman has been man's leader. She has made him what he is to-day. All the qualities which we admire in men come from woman's influence. And a young man starting out in life cannot trust to an influence so sure and so safe as that which comes to him from the being of whose life he is a part, or in whose heart he finds a supreme place. Man's best friend is the woman who loves him. That should be the faith of every young 150 His Attitude Toward Women man toward woman; that should be his absolute conviction, and he should show it by an attitude of respect and deference toward her. TSi X The Question of Marriage X THE QUESTION OF MARRIAGE Necessarily the question of marriage to a young man is an important one — perhaps the most important that is given him to solve when he reaches a marriage- able age. To some young men it is easy of solution. They fall in love with some girl who occupies their every thought, they are married, and, as the story-books generally have it, '' they live happily ever afterward." But to others it takes the form of a problem. They are troubled with sentimental perplexities ; and if these do not enter into the matter, then it is either a question of the right girl, the means with which to marry, or the proper age. The matter takes on one of these phases with the majority of young men. The first point to present in this ques- 155 Successward tion of marriage is the principle of it; that it is unquestionably for the good of almost every young man that he shall marry. There are no two sides to this for the great majority of young men. Of course there are reasons why a man, in some special instance, should choose to lead a single life ; in fact, there are excellent reasons why it is best that some men should. I have known men to have inner conflicts with themselves for years, and then resolutely decide upon celibacy. Such decisions make heroes of some men. There are circumstances which some- times enter into a man's life that make celibacy judicious and wise — circum- stances not of his own choosing. There are men whose lofty estimate of women will not permit of their asking a woman to share what God in his wisdom has chosen to have them bear. That type of men exists. But to the majority of men it is decreed to marry and that they shall live in marriage. When a young man deliberately lays The Question of Marriage out for himself a single life based upon any other than the strongest physical or mental reasons, he makes the mistake of his lifetime. If a young man refuses to marry because of a lack of faith in womanhood, or a distrust of the exist- ence of those qualities generally attrib- uted to woman, he errs, and he errs fa- tally. And the best evidence of this is found in the uncontrovertible fact that the happiest men in the world to-day are the men who have believed in good woman- hood, and have shown that belief by tak- ing a good woman into their hearts and homes. There can be no disputing the fact that a man's life is never complete in its fullest happiness until that life is made whole and complete by the love of a true woman. The simplest reference to the history of men since the creation of the world will demonstrate the truth of this assertion. Man has done nothing without woman : without her counsel he has become as a cipher in the world. Left 157 Successward alone, aside from the question of influ- ence, he is helpless. The absence of a wife from home has demonstrated to many a man how large and important a part she is of it and of him. The right kind of a wife knows better what is essen- tial to her husband's comfort than he does himself — far better. He waits for illness to come and then combats it, frequently when too late. But the wife sees the symptoms and uses preventives. Her keen insight tells her that her husband is unwell when sometimes he is not con- scious of it himself. Women, we are told, know little of business ; yet when business troubles come to a man a good wife is the source of all comfort to him. When he despairs she is hopeful. By her influence, perhaps, more than by what she actually accomplishes, she brings new hope, new courage, and points the way to a new beginning. How often women have been the means of averting business disasters or the multiplying of failures 158 The Question of Marriage with further impHcations the world will never know; but there are men who know it, and they are the men of whom to ask, " Is marriage a failure ? " It is an unfortunate fact that some men never get to a point where they un- derstand woman. And yet to know woman, to properly understand her, to correctly interpret her best motives, is the deepest lesson that life can teach a man. Every man with a fair mind who clasps a good woman to his breast and calls her mother, wife, or sister will understand the import of these words. How a man can be a hater of woman is hard to con- ceive when through her so much can be added to his life. Nothing is such an in- centive to a man to make the best of him- self as the knowledge that there is a na- ture ever ready to sympathize with him in his troubles and gladden at his victories — a dear, sweet, loving woman, who laughs with him, and puts her soft, loving arms around him when he is in trouble, rouses ^59 Successward him to his better self, making him feel that, after all, this world is not such a bad place to live in. The bachelor is ofttimes happy in his single state — that is, for a bachelor. He may console himself with the reflection that he accounts only to himself, that he is his own master, can go where he will and do as he chooses so long as he obeys the laws of society and of the land; but in his heart he knows that there is something lacking in his life which, if supplied, would make the complete whole. Business success may come to him, wealth may be his ; but one way or an- other he feels the absence of some one to enjoy his successes with him. He won- ders why it is that he does not always put forth his best efforts. He marvels whether, after all, a man does not need something outside of himself to draw him on and incite him to his utmost exertions. He may be courted for his money, he may have friendships innumerable, every comfort may be in his rooms ; yet mo- i6o The Question of Marriage ments come to him when persistent thought points to something lacking in his Ufe to round it out. Travel as he will, live on the best the world can provide, he feels, as I have heard it said of the mill- ionaire owner of one of the greatest newspapers in our land, roaming from one land to another, that few men are ofttimes more miserable in their daily lives than he is. He has everything the heart can wish for ; more wealth than he can spend ; costly residences on this side of the ocean and on the other; swift yachts are his, and swifter horses. Yet, while driving one day, and seeing in a passing carriage a man of his acquaint- ance sitting beside a devoted wife and two children, he said to a friend, " That man's whole fortune is not one-half of my monthly income, and yet his life is a far happier one." And when his friend asked him in what the other's happiness exceeded his, he replied, '' In having a good wife, and a lovely child for each knee." i6i Successward Of the wisdom of marriage itself there can be no question. The knotty Httle problems which enter into it are another matter. Some of them find expression in the choice of the right girl. And here, naturally, is a question which no one can decide for another. It is a man's heart which directs him to the woman whom he wants for his wife, never the finger of the adviser. " Love pointed surely " is an old proverb, and it is as true to-day as upon the day it was written. Many a young man, however, stands undecided on this question of marriage. He believes that the only holy marriage, the only mar- riage from which can spring happiness, is that born of love. The girl with whom such a marriage is possible is per- haps within his eye. He loves her, he feels, and yet he hesitates. Why he hesi- tates he cannot sometimes explain. Some- times there is another girl in the case, whom he acknowledges to himself he does not love quite so well, and yet he feels that she would bring to him some- 162 The Question of Marriage thing that the other girl does not : a cer- tain social advancement, perhaps, a fur- therance of his business interests, or an advantage of one kind or another. Again, there are young men who feel drawn to- ward accepting a girl of their own heart and choice, but are withheld by parental opposition, or, if not exactly opposition, that parental indifference or coldness which is even more chilling and killing than open antagonism. They want the girl, and yet they do not want to offend their parents ; or, perhaps, as in some cases, it is friends that are considered. And so hesitancy and perplexity come in. The heart leads one way, some other in- terest or consideration draws another. It is to the mind of such a young man that a girl awakens divers feelings, many of which are mistaken for love. It is love which draws him one way ; it is in- herent sense of mere possession that draws him the other. And I am very free in saying that some young men are actu- ated in marrying simply because of this 163 T Successward sense of mere possession. Nor do I mean the word " possession " here as ap- plying to property. To marry a girl for her money is the most contemptuous act of which a man can be capable. It dwarfs him and it dwarfs the woman upon whom he inflicts the wrong. But it is the notion which gets into the heads of so many young men to marry a girl because of the possession of some trait, some art, some grace, which they have not themselves, and the girl's posses- sion of it attracts them. Sometimes it is the girl's talent ; at other times her edu- cation, or her traveled knowledge; again it is her beauty, her social graces, her ability to appear well, to dress well, to en- tertain well. The young man associates such a girl in his mind as a part of an es- tablishment which is the dream of his young manhood. She would look well; she would always be able to entertain his friends, to help him to achieve a certain position; and he feels that he would be' proud of her. And he would. But the 164 The Question of Marriage satisfaction of a mere pride is not the sat- isfaction of the heart. Pride is very easily satisfied ; and when it is satisfied it generally departs. In a few years he will want something more than an orna- ment to his home, and then he will find it wanting. To marry a girl because of some possession ; simply because he likes her better, perhaps, than he does other girls ; because, maybe, he respects, fan- cies, or admires her ; because she seems to sympathize with him, is to establish a wrong basis for a happy marriage. Not one of these emotions can form the foun- dation for any truly happy marriage. They are things which appeal to us in any dear friend, man or woman. The girl who is to be a young man's companion for life, to be with him and of him as long as she or he may live, and to be the sharer of his joys or sorrows, to be a daughter to his mother and a mother to his chil- dren, must awaken other emotions in a young man's heart. She must awaken that true, affectionate love out of which i6s Successward all things of which I have spoken spring, but none of which alone or combined constitutes love itself. The girl that a young man should marry, and the only girl he is safe to marry, is she who fills all his life, his every thought, who guides him in his every act, whose face comes before him in everything that he does — the girl, in short, without whom he feels life would be a blank, without whom he could not live. That is the girl whom he loves, and it makes little difference whether such a girl be rich or poor, talented or not, traveled or untraveled. Enough is it for him if she is affectionate in her na- ture, sympathetic with his work, respon- sive to his thoughts, appreciative of his best qualities. These are the traits in a woman which last the longest, and re- main with a man throughout his life. They are the traits in women which make good wives and better mothers. Knowl- edge is a good thing in a woman, but af- fection is infinitely better. Far wiser is i66 The Question of Marriage the young man who marries the stupid- est girl in the world, if she be affection- ate, than he who marries the brightest girl in the universe, if she be cold, clammy, and unresponsive in her dispo- sition. We laugh at sentiment, we men, when we are young ; when we have lived a lifetime we reverence it, and the jest becomes the tribute. Another point, as I hinted above, which sometimes enters into a young man's thoughts of marriage is what is called by the world the " social station '^ of the girl he loves. Now what is termed '' social station " is a very difficult thing to define. The habit of social distinction which so many families endeavor to en- gender and develop in contemplated mar- riage is, I think, one of the most unfortu- nate tendencies of the times. A social aristocracy has always been impossible in America, and it is never more impossible than at the present time. We need not be extremists in our beliefs, and refuse to admit that there exist grades and classes 167 Successward in American society. Our social lines are sufficiently drawn for individual pro- tection, as they rightly should be, and must be in any great nation. But for any grade of society to refuse a humane and proper recognition to a girl foreign, per- haps, to our special modes of living, is a piece of snobbery unworthy of any Ameri- can family. We have in this country a class of people whose social standards are beneath contempt, and who consider It almost infectious to brush their mantles against the plainer cloaks of what they choose to call " the lower classes." The great social strength of this country, the real substantial strength, hope, and life of this nation, lies with what is designated as the great average mid- dle class; and from this class springs not only the mental, physical, and moral bone and sinew of this republic, but the best type of womanhood which orna- ments the American home to-day. The man or woman who sneers at or casts a discreditable innuendo upon that class i68 The Question of Marriage stamps himself or herself unworthy of being classed among intelligent people. The truest, best, and sweetest type of the American girl of to-day does not come from the home of wealth ; she steps out from a home where exists comfort rather than luxuries. She belongs to the great middle class — that class which has given us the best American wifehood; which has given helpmates to the fore- most American men of our time ; which teaches its daughters the true meaning of love ; which teaches the manners of the drawing-room, but the practical life of the kitchen as well ; which teaches its girls the responsibilities of wifehood and the greatness of motherhood. These girls may not ride in their carriages, they may not wear the most expensive frocks, they may even help a little to enlarge the fam- ily income ; but these girls are to-day the great bulwark of American society, not only present, but of the future. They represent the American home and what is best and truest in sweet domestic life, 169 Successward and they make the best wives for our American men. I have no patience with those theories that would seek to place the average American girl in any other position than that which she occupies, ornaments, and rightfully holds ; the foremost place in our respect, our ad- miration, and our love. She is not the society girl of the day, and she is better for it. She knows no superficial life; she knows only the life in a home where husband, wife, and children are one in love, one in thoughts, and one in every action. She believes no woman to be so sweet as her mother ; no man so good as her father. She believes that there are good women and true men in the world, and her belief is right. And that young man will ever be happiest who takes such a girl for his wife. I seek not to disparage the home life of the wealthy of our land. Some of my best friends live in homes of luxury, are deemed by the world wealthy and fortu- nate, and the atmosphere of their homes 170 The Question of Marriage is as pure and elevating as is their family life representative of every element that makes good women and men. Nor have I one word to say against honest ances- tral pride. On the contrary, I believe in it. I think if we had more of it in this country it would be better. It is one of the greatest stimulants to a young man to know that he comes of a good family and that he is expected to so carry himself as to add respect and pride to the name of his family. A good family name is one of the strongest safeguards to a young man's respectability. We cannot under- estimate the value of heredity. We should be proud of an honorable ances- try. But we should not boast of it, or use it to a detrimental comparison of the ancestry of others. That spirit is vulgar; certainly it is un-American. Nor should any, who have been a little more favored with this world's goods, refuse to recognize good in those not possessed of equal possessions. I care not how tenderly the favored son of a 171 Successward wealthy home may have been reared; with what care and precision his mental and moral development may have been guarded and watched; what hopes may be centered in him ; I will match his worth any hour of the day with a girl from a plainer home and of lesser ad- vantages. " But her social position ? " the proud mother asks. Social station? What is social station? So long as a girl is respectable, so long as she is good, so long as she is a loving, tender, and true woman, by what social standard can she be measured? What right have we to apply superficial standards to worth and character? What comparison can a so- cial standard bear to the highest standard of morality, to good womanhood, to the best wifehood, to the truest conception of motherhood ? Is the girl in an office less of a woman than the girl who rides in her carriage? Is she less capable of making a good wife? Why do we marry? To please society? False pride has made enough trouble in this world without 172 The Question of Marriage letting it bring grief into our homes. Let the young men of this country be sufficiently broad-minded not to measure a girl by her surroundings, but to judge her for herself.' True worth lasts longer and wears to the end. The loving heart of a good girl is better than all the wealth and social accomplishments which she can bring to a man. It is something that comes back to a man three hundred and sixty-five times in a year. We can get along with a little money in this world if we will ; but love is a quality of which we can scarce have too much. And when the conditions are reversed, and the young man's income or financial possessions are taken into account, the same general principle is true. There is not a more cruel standard by which to measure a young man than the position he is able to offer the girl of his choice. I am not an advocate of the " love-in-a- cottage " theory by any means ; but I da believe in the good old-fashioned theory 173 Successward of a young couple starting out in the world with a moderate income, and then climbing upward together. I know this sounds visionary, and like the sort of reading we find in stories ; but the t^uth * is there just the same. I give it as my earnest conviction that a young girl will be far safer in the hands of a young man born of parents in moderate circum- stances, of good health, honest in his principles, energetic and industrious, than she would be with a young man who has known only the luxuries of life, and to whom work is an incidental matter rather than the aim and purpose of life. I do not care how poor a young man may be ; if he has good health, sound princi- ples, . is respectful of sacred things, is temperate in his habits, and is not afraid to work, and work hard, and face the world with a determination to succeed, that young man can be trusted with the best and sweetest girl ever reared in an American home. At the same time I believe that no 174 The Question of Marriage young man has a right to ask a girl to be his wife until he has reached a certain point in his life. And I would apply this both to his age and to his prospects. As to age, a young man should wait until he is at least twenty-five before he marries. Before that time his impres- sions and his fancies are apt to be fleet- ing. He drifts and flounders in almost everything he does — wife-choosing in- cluded — before he is twenty-five. He himself rarely knows what he wants in anything. He does not know the world nor its people. He may think he does — a young man between eighteen and twenty-five generally does — but he does not all the same. It requires him to reach and pass the twenty-five-year period to find out how little he knew be- fore. After he passes twenty-five he be- gins to learn, and from that time things come to have a meaning to him. The difference before and after this twenty- five-year period is that before he is twenty-five he wonders that he is so 1 75 Successward much more mature than others and knows so much; while after he passes twenty-five he wonders that he is so im- mature and knows so httle. And w^hen a young man reaches that point where he is convinced that he knows very Httle, then his time of learning commences. Young men generally think they know " a great deal about girls " when they are twenty- one, and can easily choose a wife. But the wisdom of tw^enty-one on that point is a little slippery, and I would advise no young man to test it with his future life at stake. Then, too, a young man has no concep- tion of his capabilities before he reaches twenty-five. He has no fixed purpose in mind ; he has no idea what he is capable of doing; he does not know the business world nor its chances. He has had no opportunity of showing his employers his capacity to fill a position of permanence. He has, therefore, no practical idea of his prospects, and he can form none. The period between the ages of twenty and 176 The Question of Marriage twenty-five is the formative period in his hfe, and during that time it is better that he has no additional responsibihties upon him other than his own struggles will de- mand. But when he reaches twenty-five he generally begins to develop. His opin- ions on matters begin to be listened to — casually, it is true, at first, but they com- mand attention, nevertheless, where for- merly they were ignored, and justly so. From this time his career begins, and he can, with a greater degree of accuracy, decide for himself whether he can ask the girl of his choice to share his life with him. Between twenty-five and thirty a young man should, if he hopes to amount to anything, choose his path in life and test his capabilities. And then it is that the love of a good wife and her counsel will mean ever}i;hing to him. If we look at current statistics we find at once that the greater majority — I think it is some- thing like seventy per cent. — of our young men are marrying between twenty- five and thirty, with a leaning toward the 177 Successward latter age. Years ago it was different, and the marrying age for young men was between twenty-two and twenty-five. But, likewise, a young man cannot af- ford to wait too long in this question of marriage ; and when I say too long I mean beyond the age of thirty. After a man passes thirty years his habits are very apt to become fixed, and from that time it will be harder for him each year " to tear away from his bachelor habits. For marriage demands a few sacrifices from a man, and he must be prepared to meet them, just as the girl gives up many of her girlish pleasures. Marriage is not a lark, as some young people are apt to suppose, and it should not be entered into just for the fun of the thing, nor for the sake of being married. Better is it for a young man never to marry than to marry simply for the sake of marrying, or be- cause he feels that he is getting along in years. There is only one safe rule for a young 178 The Question of Marriage man to follow in this whole question of marriage, and it solves the problem of the girl and the age : wait until the right girl comes along and then marry her. But, if possible, don't marry her when she is this side of twenty years, and while you are this side of twenty-five. Regarding the question of engage- ments, those of short duration are unde- niably the best. This whole question of matrimonial engagements might be changed somewhat by young people them- selves, and to their own benefit. In many cases the young become engaged too soon, and then they are restless because they cannot marry ; whereas, if the period of acquaintanceship were made longer, and the engagement time shorter, things would be much improved. Long engagements are never advisable ; in fact, they are bad from every point of view ; long periods of acquaintance previous to an engagement are far better. So far as actually know- ing each other is concerned — well, for 179 Successward that matter, what woman has ever known a man until after she is married to him, or what man has ever known a woman ? Touching the question of a young man's income when he marries, no rule can be laid down. There are thousands of married people who are living the happiest of lives on six hundred dollars per year, while there are thousands, on the other hand, who struggle to keep out of debt on six thousand a year. And so it goes. Everything depends upon the people. Hundreds of men constantly ask the question, '' Can I marry on six hun- dred, eight hundred, or a thousand dol- lars per year? " No one can determine this question but the young fellow him- self, and particularly the girl whom he loves. As I wrote to a young fellow who asked me if I believed it would be safe for him to marry on a thousand dollars per year, so do I say to all young men who are asking the question, irrespective of the amount involved : no one can tell you. You and the girl in question must 1 80 The Question of Marriage settle that. But, on general principles, the sooner we look at this question of marriage from some other than this strictly mercenary standpoint the better. I do not believe, as I said a few para- graphs back, in the theory of love in a cottage, with nothing else. But I do be- lieve in young people starting at the low- est rung in the ladder and then climbing up. Nothing else in the world knits the interests of two people so closely to- gether, or insures such absolute happi- ness in the future as their lives progress. I cannot advise any young fellow what to do, but I know if I were earning six hun- dred, eight hundred, or a thousand dol- lars a year, and I really loved a girl — felt, in other words, as if I could not live with- out her — and the girl was of the right Ivind — that is, sensible in her ideas, fru- gal in her tastes, and of a marriageable age — I would let her settle my doubt for me. Girls have a very interesting way of settling doubts of this kind — when they are fond of the fellow who is in doubt. i8i Successward One thing is certain : the greatest safet) in this world for a man is to place hh interests in the keeping of the woman who lov^s him. These are ihe only points which I or any other writer can possibly advance re- garding this question of marriage. Every young man must necessarily settle it for himself ; all that a writer can do is to lay down the best and w^hat he considers to be the safest general principles, and each reader must apply those principles to his own individual needs and condition. But there is one thing which a writer can safely do, and that is to couns*^! in every young man a firm belief in \ ^. . hood and an honest faith in marriage. He must not paint the marriage relation all of a rose-colored hue. Necessarily it has its purple lights ; sometimes its black shadows. No condition of life is without its little trials, its vexations, or its anxie- ties, and marriage is not an exception tr this rule. But it is through the marriag state, through the love of woman, tha man has reached his present status. 182 University of Connecticut Libraries 39153028324145