PS 3157 WE 9 Yteter house - tti Southern Branch of the University of California Los Angeles Form L-l PS 3157 This book is DUE on the last date stamped below MAR 1 8 1924 AUG4 192* Form L-9-2?n-7,'22 LAYS for LITTLE CHAPS "THE LITTLE CHAP THAT RUNS THE HOUSE" Lays for Little Chaps BY ALFRED JAMES WATERHOUSE NEW TORK NEW AMSTERDAM BOOK COMPANY PUBLISHERS MCMII Copyright, igo2, by NEW AMSTERDAM BOOK COMPANY in the United States and Great Britain Published November, 1902 All rights reserved UNIVERSITY PRESS JOHN WILSON AND SON CAMBRIDGE U. S. A. To Ruth and Dorothy OF THE LAYS PACK The Little Chap that Runs the House ... 1 Charlie Jones' Bad Luck 3 A Passenger from Phantom Land 5 Our Hushaby Song 8 The Baby in Pants 10 The Land of Three Feet High 12 Little Willie's Christmas Wish 14 Wen I am Growed Up 17 Saint Santa Claus 19 The Remarkable Tale of Miss Kitty Cat . . 21 When the Baby Came 26 The Baby's Remarks 29 A Hard, Hard Citizen 31 The Land of the Hushaby King 33 A Very Queer Umbrella 37 vii A LIST OF THE LAYS PAGE Fellow Came to our House 39 How the Babies Kide 42 O'er the Sea of Dreams 44 The Schoolgirl that I Hated ... . N . . . 47 My Orful Cross-Eyed Teacher 50 "I Love You Each Year Better" 54 How the Flowers Grow . . 56 My Youthful Pants 58 The People of Wonder Land . 60 But Two Children 63 My Pa an' Ma 65 The Mournful Tale of the Snee Zee Familee . 69 "I'm Praying for You" 72 The Loving Mother 75 The Despot Kings 80 I "Wish I was an Engineer 83 It 's Hard to Say 87 A Little, Little Fellow 90 The Baby's Faith 93 When Brother Stiggins Come to Tea . . . 95 Her Faith Never Falters 99 viii A LIST OF THE LAYS PAGB When Mother Called 101 The Song of Songs 103 A Song for the Babies . 107 The Little Boy Who Saw Santa Claus . . . 110 She 's Gone Away 114 Oh, Little Wee Maiden . 116 The Poor Little Birdies 119 Give Me the Fables 122 A Song for the Little Chaps 125 When Even Conies 127 At the Bottom of the Sea 129 Dorothy's Wisdom 132 The Teacher Knows 135 Swimming isn't What it Was 138 My First Autograph 141 My Little Valentine 143 Hushaby, Lullaby 145 When Baby Bloweth Kisses 147 THE little chap that runs the house, He is a sight to see ; His face is as a saucer round ; He reacheth to my knee. But when he shouts at me, " Hey, there ! " I know ! t were wisdom to beware. The little chap that runs the house Hath noises many score, And when I think I 've learned them all He springeth several more. Yells, whoops and shrieks to Bedlam run He sayeth only : " My ! What fun ! " Sometimes when I awhile would write In some secluded spot 1 1 Lays for Little Chaps A-sudden Panic's frenzied might Doth mingle in my plot : With blare of trumpet, beat of drum, " Say, ain't you glad 'cause I have come ? ' The little chap that runs the house Doth never pause to dream That " business " is a sacred word In man's sagacious scheme. " Up on your shoulder ! Take me ! Do!" We march to shriek and mad halloo. The little chap that runs the house When daylight all hath fled Doth rub his sleepy eyes, and say : " I fink I '11 go to bed." Then by his mother kneeleth he, And angels heed his baby plea. The little chap His noise is For shriek and halloo Are tuned to And so I say : joy, And heed his boy." that runs the house, dear to me, shout and loud Heaven's key ; " God give him way, my little Charlie Jones' Bad Luck CHARLIE JONES' BAD LUCK As discussed by little Willie I DON'T care if Charlie Jones Is better 'an I be ; An' I don't care if teacher says He 's smart 'long side er me ; An' I don't care, w'en vis'tors come, If she on him does call ; He ain't got measles, like I have He don't have luck at all. He never had the whoopin' cough, Ner mos' cut off his thumb, Ner ever fell an' broke his leg An' had a doctor come. He hardly ever stubs his toe, An' if he does, he '11 bawl ! There 's nuthin' special comes to him He don't have luck at all. 3 Lay s fo r L it tie Ch ap s An' I don't care if lie can say More tex's an' things 'an I ; He never burnt both hands to once 'Long 'bout the Fo'th July. He never had the chicken pox, Ner p'iseu oak las' Fall ! He can't be proud o' nuthin' much - He don't have luck at all. A Passenger from Phantom Land A PASSENGER FROM PHANTOM LAND A PASSENGER came from Phantom Land ; Ho and olio ! but a sight was lie ! With a voice that was merely a loud demand For something to eat or to drink maybe. A passenger came from Phantom Land ; A queerer and quainter you never have seen, With a mite of a foot and a bit of a hand, And I vow he was only a crying machine. But it 's ho and oho ! for the passengers all ! Pudgy and funny and dimpled and small, Who know just enough for their mammas to call Here 's to them, wherever they be ! 5 Lays for Little Chaps A passenger came from Phantom Land, His baggage forgotten and left behind. He had n't a stocking in which to stand, And he could n't have stood if he had, you mind. He had n't a coat to his blessed name ; He had n't a garment ; he had n't a thing. But, worse than all that and I count it a shame His hair and his teeth he 'd forgotten to bring. But it 's ho and oho ! for the passengers queer ! The little wee despots, we welcome them here. The greater the tyrant, the more he is dear Here 's to them, wherever they be ! A passenger came from Phantom Land. The customs officials all passed him by. He had n't a thing they could touch on hand ; There 's never a tax on an animate cry. 6 A Passenger from Phantom Land But one there was greeted him, greeted him here With a kiss and a prayer that the Father heard, For these little passengers still arc dear, Though pudgy and useless and quaint and absurd. So it 's ho and oho ! for the passengers wee ! They are dear unto you, and they 're dear unto me. Each care that they bear is a blessing, you see God bless them, wherever they be ! Lays for Little Chaps OUR HUSHABY SONG IS ING to my baby a hushaby song ; She sings to her dolly a lullaby too. " Oh, hush you," I sing, " for the sleep angels throng," But she singeth only, " Er-goo " and " Er- goo." " Oh, hush you, my dearie. Through all of the day The little feet weary, Wherever they stray. Now white angels gather In Sleep Country fair, Each sent by the Father To welcome you there." 8 Our Hushaby Song So lowly I sing the even shades through, While she singeth only, " Er-goo " and " Er- goo." She sings to her baby ; I sing to my own. But she singeth sweeter whate'er I may do, For in all of life's music there soundeth no tone So sweet as a bairnie's contented " Er-goo." '' So hush you, my dearie. The little stars peep, With eyes that are cheery, To guard you, asleep ; And peeping, down-peeping, Full lowly they say : ' O'er Sleep's river creeping, One cometh this way.' " One murmured " Er-goo ; " the elves nearer creep, And baby and dolly have both gone to sleep. Lays for Little Chaps THE BABY IN PANTS HE 'S a little bit of baby, 'Bout as tall as pa's silk hat, An' as chubby as a cherub, An' you know how chubby 's that. Yistuday my ma, she said she Guessed she 'd put him into pants ; An' all other sights that 's funny, They ain't more 'n a circumstance. Uncle William, he jus' hollered, 'Cause the baby looked so queer ; An' my ma she jus' kep' sayin' : " B'ess him ! pootsy-wootsy dear." But my pa, he wan't so tickled Anyways, he kep' it hid Fer he said : " Fer lan's sake, Ellen, Wat you done to that there kid ? " 10 The Baby in Pants But the baby, he stood wond'rin', Kind o' srnilin' in the sun, An' it seemed the brightest sunbeams Come to kiss the little one. An' he looked so sweet an' cunnin', Standin' where the sunrays glance, That my pa says : " I guess, Ellen, That we '11 let him keep them pants." 11 Lays for Little Chaps THE LAND OF THREE FEET HIGH IN the Land of Three Feet High Very many wonders be ; Castles reaching to the sky, Elfin-haunts in vale or lea ; Fairy boats that ceaseless ply O'er the Sea of Three Feet High. There are giants, very tall ; Goblins playing in the dell ; Brownies, queerest folk of all ; More, ah, more than I can tell ; And I sometimes pause and sigh For the Land of Three Feet High. 12 The Land of Three Feet High And the people, who are they ? Lads and lasses whom we know ; But beside them, where they stray, We may never, never go. We have wandered, you and I, From the Land of Three Feet High. 13 Lays for Little Chaps LITTLE WILLIE'S CHRISTMAS WISH S ANTA GLAUS, he brought me a great big drum. Orto hear me play it ! Bet I make it hum ! Brought my cousin Charlie an engine with a bell An' a reg'lar whistle that '11 almos' yell. Brought the other fellers nices' kind o' toys ; Hootin', tootin', shootin', makin' lots o' noise. But when the fellers visit me they do mos' ev'ry day It 's orful diserpointin' what my pa '11 say. Toot, hoot, toot ! Bang, slam, bang ! 14 Little Willie's Christmas Wish Wile pa gits red an' redder, an' says : " Well, I'll be hang!" But ma says : " William Johnson ! Such lan guage to employ ! Have you forgotten that you once was jus' a little boy?" An' pa says : " S'posin' if I was, this fac' is no less true : I did n't have a license then to be a pirit, too." What's the use of Santa Glaus if boys can't play Without their pas a-gittin' red an' talkin' in that way ? Never was no fellers 'at are better 'an we be ; Jus' a-playin' with the things he brought to them an' me. Tootin' with the whistle, shootin' with the gun, Blowin' of the trumpet, havin' lots of fun. Shootin' at a targit, shot my pa instead Orful diserpointin' what my pa then said. Ting-a-ling-ling ! Toot-er-toot-too ! Till pa says : " Oh, blame Santa Glaus ! I guess 'at that '11 do !" 15 Lays for Little Chaps An' he ketches me an' Charlie an' yanks us to the door ; An' the fellers say they'll never come to play with me no more. An' that is why I 'm wishin', an' so I told my ma, That Santa Glaus '11 bring me nex' a bran' new pa. 16 Wen I am Growed Up WEN I AM GROWED UP W'EN I am growed up an' am quite a big man I '11 go vvitli a cirkis, I guess, ef I can An' I proberbly can an' I s'pose 'at I '11 be A clown er a ringmaster gorjus to see, An' I '11 act in a tent on mos' ev'ry night, An' the folks '11 say, " Goodness ! 'at feller 's a sight ! " An' they '11 yell an' hurrah jus' es loud es they can Wen I am growed up an' am quite a big man. Wen I am growed up an' am quite I don' know, Fer sometimes I think 'at to sea I will go, 2 17 Lays for Little Chaps An' I '11 be a bold pirit, to sail the seas through An' capture the ships as the pirits all do, Er a street-car conductor, er brave engineer, Er runnin' a candy-store mos' of the year But ina says to make me a preacher 's her plan, Wen I am growed up an' am quite a big man. 18 Saint Santa Clans SAINT SANTA GLAUS TASKED a little girl one day Which saint she liked the best ; " Saint Peter, or Saint Paul ? " I said, " Or which one of the rest ? " And straight she answered me : " Zere 's one I likes the best, betoz " Faith ! how I longed to kiss her then ! " He 's dood Saint Santy Tlaus." Ho, all ye ones whose heads and hearts Have frosted with the years ; So frozen that for childish faith You Ve nothing left save sneers, 19 Lays for Little Chaps You 'd better let your hearts thaw out By genial nature's laws, For she was right, the little maid : " He 's dood Saint Santy Tlaus." 20 The Remarkable Tale of Miss Kitty Cat THE REMARKABLE TALE OF MISS KITTY CAT LITTLE Miss Kitty Cat climbed my knee Last night as I sat by the fire, And her eyes were as green as green could be, (Oh, she was a wonderful sight to see !) And her hairs were just like wire, This thin and singular wire. But I stroked her gently, I stroked her long, Till her eyes grew yellow again, And she sung me the most remarkable song ; The tune went just pur-r-ring and pur-r-ring along Till she 'd sung it thrice over, and then She sung it all over again. 21 Lays for Little Chaps And I wrote down that song just as fast as I could, For I knew that you wanted to hear, And I said to myself that you certainly should That is, if you 're 'specially, 'specially good And here is its story. Dear ! Dear ! A curious story, 't is clear. " It was only this evening " so Kitty Cat sung " That I walked in a wood where bad doggies hung By their necks to the limbs of the trees, And I laughed as they swung in the breeze ; For I Ve always insisted 't was plain unto me That the place for a dog is the limb of a tree, The limb of a very tall tree, Where good little kitties can see How their bow-wows are choked, unless they 're of tin, And that cannot be, for they 'd have whistles in, And the dogs when they barked would just whistle instead, And I never have heard them ; no, never ! " she said, 22 The Remarkable Tale of Miss Kitty Cat " And I really don't think it can be ; Do you ? " said Miss Kitty to me, " But I wish I could see such a tree, A tree, Such a wonderful, beautiful tree. " There were bright yellow birds in that mar vellous wood, And they flew to my feet from the trees, as they should, And, ' Eat us ; come eat us,' they sung ; (I 'm acquainted, you know, with their tongue) And the mice all came running as fast as they could, Saying, ' Please cat us first,' and I told them I would ; I surely and certainly would, For mice are especially good. Then the mice brought me forks, and the birds brought me knives, And they all said at once, 'Please commence on our wives, For we love them so much, and we 'd give you our best, And perhaps when they 're eaten you '11 want a long rest. 23 Lays for Little Chaps Oh, they 're much better eating, you see,' Said those dear, loving husbands to me. Oh, I wish that such blisses could be, Could be, Could surely and certainly be ! " But, while I was thinking of eating a mouse, I happened to notice a queer little house, And out came a man with a gun, And he said, ' I will limit your fun,' And he shot a queer bullet made out of Dutch cheese, And I shouted, 'Don't, Mister! Oh, don't, if you please ! Oh, I hope you will certainly please. Can't you see I am weak in the knees ? ' But the queer bullet chased me eight times 'round a tree, And 't was gaining quite fast, as I could n't but see, And I wanted to pray, but ' Now I lay me ' Did n't seem quite appropriate then, don't you see? And a flutter got into my heart, And it seemed that it surely must part; 24 The Remarkable Tale of Miss Kitty Oat And I waked with a terrible start, A start, And I jumped in your lap with that start." So that is the story Miss Kitty Cat sung, As she lay on my lap last night, And, as I 'in well acquainted with Kitty Cat's tongue, I know I have written it right ; And I 've written it all for a wee little one Who is dear, oh, so dear unto me, And if it shall please her, now that it is done, I '11 be amply repaid, don't you see ? And there 's one little thing that I almost forgot : Do you see what the moral is, dears ? Did you know what I meant, though you'd much rather not, When I wrote of Miss Kitty Cat's fears ? Did you see ? You did not ? Well, perhaps it 's not queer, Though it well may appear so to many, For to me it is really remark ably clear That the story, you know, has n't any. 25 Lays for Little Chaps WHEN THE BABY CAME WHEN the baby came that the white stork brings, Such a queer little baby was he, The quaintest and cutest of laughable things, He was really a marvel to see, For he puckered his brow, and he twisted his eyes, And first he looked simple and then he looked wise, And the way that he wailed would cause you surprise. It was surely surprising to me, You see ; It was more than surprising to me. 26 When the Baby Came When the baby came 't was his grandma said " I 'm sure that he looks like his rna ; " But his Aunt Angelina insisted, instead : "I'm certain he favors his pa." But the baby he wriggled his little red toes, And he wailed that he wanted to get in his clothes, Which was perfectly proper, as you may suppose, For he 'd left all his clothing afar In the star Where all of the wee babies are. When the baby came there was somebody said : " May the Father my little one bless ; " And a kiss, like a blessing, fell soft on the head Of the darling she yearned to caress. 27 Lays for Little Chaps But the baby he heeded nor blessing nor prayer, As he blinked at the light with a meaningless stare ; Yet I 'm sure the petition was registered where There is One who is able to bless, And I guess That in answer He stooped to caress. 28 The Baby's Remarks THE BABY'S REMARKS THERE is nobody knows the things I think ; There is nobody knows, I guess, As I lie in my crib and blink and blink, With my wee little brain a-kink, a-kink With the notions I can't express. There is nobody knows what I try to say, As I lie in my crib and talk this way : Goo, goo, goo, goo A toe is a thing to eat Goo, goo, goo, goo It 's really remarkably sweet. 29 Lays for Little Chaps The nurse took a sticking thing one day And pinned a jacket to me. I am not a talker, but I do say That I made them take it away, away, For I cried, and I cried, you see. There is nobody knows what I say, no doubt. But I notice they got that sticker out. Goo, goo, goo, goo I guess that my head I '11 bump Goo, goo, goo, goo When I do, watch the big nurse jump. 30 A Hard, Hard Citizen A HARD, HARD CITIZEN YOU 'RE a hard, hard citizen." So I said, And he freely admitted that it was so. " You turned my mucilage into the bed, But rubbed some part in your hair, you know. You hid my slippers and then forgot, And the place where you put them still pu/zles me. You 're a hard, hard citizen, are you not ? " And he smiled as he answered, " Yeth, I be." " The faucet you turned of the coal-oil can, Till the floor was drenched by the oily flow; And you chuckled in glee as the liquid ran. Now answer me straightly : Is n't it so ? " But the criminal neither did shudder nor shrink, As he murmured, " A 'tory p'ease tell to me." "You 're a hard, hard citizen, don't you think ? " I said, and he smiled as he said, " I be." 31 Lays for Little Chaps " Your grammar is faulty I M fain suggest," I said to the criminal on my knees ; " It would not endure the least critical test ; " And he answered, "Now tell me a 'tory, p'ease." Now what could I do ? I leave it to you For he 's callous in guilt as the worst of the lot, And that he seems hardened is dreadfully true So I told him the story. Now, would you not ? I told him the story, and then I said : " You 're a hard, hard citizen, one can see," And he answered, " I be," and then he pled : " Now p'ease, won't oo tell 'nuzzer 'tory to me?" Oh, I guess that my discipline 's sadly at fault, For I told him a story, the peace to keep, And he murmured low, when I seemed to halt : "Now tell me anuzzer," then went to sleep. 32 The Land of the Hushaby King THE LAND OF THE HUSHABY KING OTT, safely afloat in a wonderful boat, From over the Sundown Sea, When the tide swings slow and the breeze chants low In marvellous minstrelsy, There cometh, there cometh the Hushaby King, And dreams are the elves that creep Close, close by his side on the Sundown tide, As he singeth my babe to sleep : " By, oh ! by, by, we shall go sailing, sailing ; Swing low, swing high, over the Dream Sea trailing, 3 33 Lays for Little Chaps With elves of the Dreamland about us a-wing." This is the song of the Hushaby King. Oh, little blue eyes, the stars in the skies Of the Dreamland are strangely aglow, And the inoon is the queen of a fairyland scene, To watch o'er the children below ; And your boat 'mid the islands swings lazily o'er Where the mermaids in happiness throng, And, down where they dwell, 'neath the surge and the swell, They are singing a lullaby song : " Sleep, dear ; sleep, sleep, rocked on the rest- tide billow ; While near creep, creep, elves to thy downy pillow ; You shall be soothed by the flutter of wings." This is the song that the mermaiden sings. Oh, the far-away strand of the Hushaby Land Your little white feet shall press, And the birds of the air shall welcome you there To blisses no mortal may guess. 34 The Land of the Hushaby King On wonderful trees sliall the candy-fruit grow ; Plum cake to the bushes shall cling ; And no one shall cry, " Don't touch them ! My, my!" For the dream-fairies ever will sing : " Yours all, yours, dear ; all to be had for the taking ; Babes small, babes queer, just give the trees a good shaking ; For candy in Dreamland 's a very good thing." This is the song that the white fairies sing. Oh, far-away strand of the Hushaby Land, If I could but go, could go Where my baby doth float in the Lullaby-boat ; If I could her rapture know As she laughs in a dream that comes through the night, A dream of the elfins at play ! But she drifteth from me o'er the Hushaby Sea, And aye to myself I say : "By, oh! by, by, bonnie one, drifting, drifting ; Swing low, swing high, safe on the sleep-tide shifting." 35 Lays for Little Chaps And my heart doth reply, though closer I cling : " She is safe in the arms of the Hushaby King." 36 ' "1 A VERY QUEER UMBRELLA THIS very morn, upon the street, A big umbrella I did meet. At first I thought it walked alone, Though such a thing I 'd never known ; And then my pencil pardon begs I saw it walked on two plump legs. So strange a sight filled me with awe, And so I peeped beneath and saw 37 Lays for Little Chaps Saw two bright eyes that laughed to mine Saw two cheeks, red as sun-born wine ; A tiny mouth, just fit to kiss ; Two dimples, Cupid's home of bliss ; A forehead white, with locks of gold Ah, I am sad and gray and old, And much I wished my heart 's so lone That queer umbrella were my own. 38 Fellow Came to our House FELLOW CAME TO OUR HOUSE FELLOW came to our house and said he guessed he 'd stay ; Dreadful inconvenient to let him have his way Had no room for boarders, did n't have a bed Tried to argue with him, and this is what I said: " Hey, there, little chap, Come and visit me ! Humpty-bumpty, jumpty-dumpty On your father's knee ! 39 Lays for Little Chaps Have you made arrangements To pay for board and cheer ? You '11 find them unavailing, For we don't take boarders here." But though my argument was sound, as I sub mit to you, I think he meant that he would stay when he replied, " Goo-oo ! " Fellow came to our house, and some one talked this way : "'' He 's such a itty-witty that I guess we '11 let him stay." I could n't see the logic, but she pressed the tiny head Still closer to her bosom, and this is what she said : "Itty-bitty felly! B'essed baby boy ! Come to b'ess his mamma, Come to b'ing her joy ! " And then a tear down-starting Her loving glances blurred ; But her lips kept moving, moving, Though she did n't say a word. 40 Fellow Came to our House And I knew a prayer she offered and an angel heard it, too ; But the baby nestled closer and only said, "Goo-oo!" 41 Lays for Little Chaps HOW THE BABIES RIDE HERE 'S the way the babies ride : High-low, high-low, Sitting their papa's foot astride High-low, high-low. First they go up, and then they go down, Shrieking with laughter, their fears to drown. Oh, but the horse deserves renown ! High-low, high-low. 42 How the Babies Ride Here 'a the way the babies ride : By-low, by-low, Floating away on the Dream Sea tide By-low, by-low. Safe where the Sleep-boat lazily swings, Dreaming of beautiful, wonderful things, Lulled by the song that Somebody sings : By-low, by-low. 43 Lays for Little Chaps O'ER the Sea of Dreams to the sweet Dreamland Oh, little my love, come hither, T pray, And place in my own your wee white hand, And we will go sailing away, away, Down a path of gold by the Isles of Rest, O'er the slumbrous depths of the Sundown Sea, To the land of lands that we love the best, Where dream angels whisper to you and to me. 44 O'er the Sea of Dreams O'er the Sea of Dreams Oh, little my love, Closer yet creep to this heart of mine, While lowly the dream angels hover above And there in God's meadows the star-blos soms shine. Under your eyelids the visions shall creep Little one, little one, what shall they be ? Something to cause you to smile in your sleep, Nestling yet closer and closer to me. O'er the Sea of Dreams to the sweet Dream land Oh, little my love, what dreams they must be ! Such dreams as a baby may understand ; Queer little fancies, as all must agree ; Little half notions, or foolish or wise ; Wee floating fragments of babyhood lore. These are your dreams, as I sagely surmise Heigh-ho, my little one, what are mine more ? O'er the Sea of Dreams; and who's at the helm, Oh, little my love, nor you nor I May wisely tell, for the Sleep King's realm Is hidden by mists from the passers-by. 45 Lays for Little Chaps It is hidden by mists, yet myself I tell, While your eyelids flutter like petals of white, The One who is guiding will guide her well So, lit-tle my love, good-night, good-night. 46 The Schoolgirl that I Hated THE SCHOOLGIRL THAT I HATED SOMETIMES when memory draws the veil, and I look back a way To where the sun was shining in my happy, youthful day, I catch the scent of lilacs as they blossomed by our door, And I hear the robins chirping as they used to chirp of yore, And the oriole is flitting like a ball of living fire, And the river 's sort o' whispering just as though 't would never tire ; And then, amid the faces that on memory's screen I see, Comes the schoolgirl that I hated when she sat in front of me. 47 Lays for Little Chaps Someway I see her plainly now in scanty dress of blue, With eyes in part coquettish and in part serene and true ; With curls that liked to catch the light and twist it in and out, And lips just right for kissing, if they were in clined to pout. I knew that she was pretty, but I said she was no good Though I could n't help admiring her ; no boy that 's human could But she made up faces at me, and she could a vixen be, The schoolgirl that I hated when she sat in front of me. She would n't play at marbles, and she could n't play at ball, And I often intimated that she was no good at all. I dropped a cricket down her back in cheerful, boyish way, And she yelled first ; then I yelled next, when teacher was to pay. She would n't " coon " a melon, though I asked her oftentimes, 48 The Schoolgirl that I Hated And she ridiculed my first attempts at poor and broken rhymes. Oh, she was a thorough failure, as any boy can see, The schoolgirl that I hated when she sat in front of me. She beat me at the lessons that we found within our books, And when she went above me all scornful were her looks ; But when the teacher whipped me I saw her cry one day, And I said that " girls is better than what some fellers say ; " And I sort of half forgave her for '. 1 ' her lack of hardihood, Though I even then insisted that she really was no good ; But times have changed since then, for I I 'm mar ried, don't you see, To the schoolgirl that I hated when she sat in front of me. 49 Lays for Little Chaps MY ORFUL CROSS-EYED TEACHER ONE time I had a teacher I 've had them every kind, But this partic'lar teacher was dis- tractin' to my mind. Of course all sorts of teachers is disturbin' to a boy, For they 're always interferin' when he wants to have some joy ; But this partic'lar teacher he was worser than the rest, For there wan't no way of figgerin' on the im pulse in his breast, An' when he looked mos' pensive, then he'd light upon me hot, My orful cross-eyed teacher what I never have forgot. 50 My Orful Cross-eyed Teacher There wa'n't no way accountin' for the vag'ries of that man ; There wa'n't no cunnin' little boy could quite foresee his plan. With his eyes both turned on heaven, he 'd seem about to pray, An' then you 'd best go mighty slow ; he 'd prob'ly come your way ; An' when his eyes seemed sot an' fixed some where about his toe, Then, if you pinched another boy, you gen'ly stood no show, For he 'd prob'ly land upon you, or he would as like as not, This orful cross-eyed teacher what I never have forgot. One time that I remember, I remember very well, I wrote a note to Ethel Moore, my longin' love to tell ; An' the teacher he was gazin' on the far-off, promised land, So I fired that note at Ethel well, it landed in his hand ; An' from the subsekent events I smarted fore an' aft, 51 Lays for Little Chaps An' my heart it also smarted when I noticed Ethel laffed. Oh, he wrenched my young affections an' he jarred my spine a lot, That orful cross-eyed teacher what I never have forgot. I throwed a wad at Charlie Jones when teacher's eyes was cast Upon a hoss an wagon that jus' then the win der passed. Of the epersode that follered I am still ashamed to tell, For the teacher used his ruler, an' I I used a yell. He was a diserpointin' chap, that pedergog, I swear, An' when he looked straight at a thing he was n't lookin' there. Because of him my youthful days was triberla- tion-shot, This orful cross-eyed teacher what I never have forgot. Oh, good an' noble little boys what still by school are vexed, 52 My Orful Cross-eyed Teacher If you will listen to my words I '11 surely put you " next," For one day a glad discovery sung a siren song to me : When the teacher looked right at me, what I did he did n't see. Oh, good an' noble little boys who watch the master's nod, When the cross-eyed teacher 's lookin', then 's the time to fire the wad. This grain of wisdom garnered served to cheer my weary lot With the orful cross-eyed teacher what I never have forgot. 53 Lays for Little Chaps "I LOVE YOU EACH YEAR BETTER " I'M twelve years old to-day," she said, I kissed and held her nearer, For every year that onward fled Had made her but the dearer. " I 'in growing quite a girl, you see," My hand reached out to pet her " But then, you know, it seems to me I love you each year better." 54 "/ Love You Each Year Better" Now tell me, you who sup with care As time grows old and older, Could lips a sweeter message bear When hearts with age turn colder? So, little love, my soul shall pray, As years our life-links fetter, That I may always hear you say : " I love you each year better." 55 Lays for Little Chaps HOW THE FLOWERS GROW DO you know, darling, how pansies grow? God takes the tints of the sunset glow, The purple that floats in the mountain mist, The blush of a maid by her love first kissed, The blue that 's asleep in the midday skies, The brown that I love in my baby's eyes, And He mingles them all in a flower ; and so, That is the way that the pansies grow. Do you know, darling, how lilies grow? God takes the soul of the beautiful snow And moulds it into a chalice sweet, Pure and wonderful, fair, complete ; 56 How the Flowers Grow Then He takes the gold of my baby's hair And sets it amid the whiteness there, As in night's white skies the bright stars glow; And that is the way that the lilies grow. Do you know, darling, how roses grow ? Ah, that is the strangest of all, I know ; For they are the fairest of all things fair, The one perfect blossom, beyond compare ; Symbol of sweetness and all loveliness God wished His children to comfort and bless, And He wrote the thought in a flower ; and so, That is the way that the roses grow. 57 Lays for Little Chaps MY YOUTHFUL PANTS COME back, come back, my youthful pants ; Come back, come back to me, For nevermore by any chance Your equal I shall see. My mother made them ; I recall How wondrous was their fit, For I was some six sizes small Into the things to " git." She made them out of father's pants ; The bosom was his size. 58 My Youthful Pants The sight of me in them by chance Would fill you with surprise. They hung straight from my shoulder-blade In folds beyond belief, And when the eastern zephyrs played I had to take a reef. And, oh, my youthful heart would swell Beneath the fearful brunt Of feeling that no one could tell Which side I wore in front. I still remember T would use The slack in carrying chips, And when to raise it I did choose My face was in eclipse. And all the little boys I met Would, joyous, 'round me dance And cry in tones I can't forget : "Where did you git them\~ pants ? " Oh, trousers dear of long ago ; Oh, panties wild and free, Where you have gone I long to know ! Come back, come back to me! 59 Lays for Little Chaps HAVE you ever heard tell of Wonder Land, Of the dear little, queer little, comical band That stumble and fumble and want to know Where they are going and why they go ? They sit in our laps as the eve grows dark, And they take the shape of a question mark, For all that is written in face or eye Is wholly expressed by the one word, " Why ? " " Why don't the sun burn up some day ? " " Why don't we fly, as the birdies do ? " " Why don't the chickens and hens eat hay ? ' 60 " Why do the scissors cut things in two ? " Such are the questions of Wonder Land, Of its dear little, queer little, comical band. These are the people of Wonder Land : Queer little duffers as tall as your stand. Wee little fellows who want to know More than the wisest can tell, I trow ; For the world is so big, and the world is so strange ; Its paths are so hidden as onward they range, That who dares to wonder 't is surely not I They look in amazement while questioning, " Why ? " " Why are the stars put out in the day ? " " Who is it lights them when night comes down ? " " Why don't my ma have whiskers, I say ? " " Why are the houses all built in town ? " These are the things they cannot understand, The odd little people of Wonder Land. Oh, little wee people of Wonder Land, There 's one thing I wish you could understand : We folk who are older are not so wise We can answer the questions in your dear eyes ; 61 Lays for Little Chaps For really, you know it is certainly true In the Country of Wonder we live with you ; And if any can answer, 't is surely not I, For T, too, am lost in the maze of " Why ? " Why have I come from the mists of There ? Why am I lost in the mists of Here ? What is the gain in the burden we bear? What is the end that is glimmering near ? And if these be not questions of Wonder Land, The difference, my bairnies, I don't understand. 62 But Two Children BUT TWO CHILDREN THEY grow so weary, the little feet, With their day-long, ceaseless hurry ; So when there coineth the even' sweet When we bury the haunting worry, She patters to me, and, wistful eyed, She says : " I am finkin' maybe You '11 hold me to s'eep, an' my dolly beside, Betause I am just oor baby." Then I hold her a time, till her head droops low And her soul creepeth out to the shadows ; 63 Lays for Little Chaps And she and her dolly together do go To the Dreamland's star-flecked meadows ; And, holding her so, I am glad to know She is safe from the outside weather ; And sometimes I say in a dreamy way : " We are but two children together." We are but two children. At even' we Are wearied alike by the hurry, And we long for the rest that shall set us free From the daytime's care and worry. And as she creeps to her father's arms, Still holding her dolly near her, And as I guard her from all alarms And tenderly soothe and cheer her, So do I turn, though I hold life's toys Closer and closer unto me, To the One who heedeth our woes and joys For rest and for strength to renew me ; And as my darling ne'er pleads in vain, With soft baby prattle, " Pease hold me," So do I whisper, through toil and through pain " The arms of His love do enfold me." MY PA AN' MA MY pa he is the wises' man, I s'pose, you ever seen ; He knows jus' why mos' all things is, an' knows jus' what they mean. He knows a heap more than my ma, 'cause he 's a man, you see ; He ain't a woman like she is, though tol'ble good to me ; 6 65 Lays for Little Chaps But when I ask him questions 'bout the things I 'd like to know, He sort o' scowls at me at firs', an then he answers so : " Do go away ! Don't bother me ! I 'in busy now ! Say, can't you see ? " But when I ask my ma, why, then she allers ans'ers me. I 'd learn a sight if she knew things almos' as well as he. When pa an' Mr. Jones sits down an' talk an hour or less, I wish the Presiden' could hear: he'd learn some things, I guess, 'Bout why the country ain't worth shucks, an' why it orto be. My pa he makes them things so clear that even I can see. He proves how ever'thing should be, an' how it 's all amiss, But when I ask him questions, then he answers me like this : 66 " Oh, run away, You foolish lad ! Questions like yours Will drive me mad ! " But ma, she tells me all she knows, an' that much has to go. I wish she knew as much as pa, fer then I judge I 'd know. An' yet my questions all is 'bout the things boys like to know. I asked him once, I recollec', why things I drop don't go Up in the air instead of down, the way they alters do ; An' once I asked if God gits tired of holdin' office, too, The way men never does, pa says. I ask such things as these, But pa, he scowls an' says, although I ask him with a " please : " " Oh, run away ! " An' then I 'in fired " Questions like yours Do make me tired ! " 67 Laysfor Little Chaps But ma, she ans'ers all she can, an' holds me to her breast. I guess my pa does know the mos', but ma, she loves me best. 68 The Mournful Tale of the Snee Zee Familee THE MOURNFUL TALE OF THE SNEE ZEE FAMILEE THERE was a little yellow man whose name it was Ah Cheu, And every time that Mongol sneezed he told his name to you. This funny little yellow man had wedded Tish Ah Chee, And they, when certain time had passed, had children one, two, three. There was little Ah Cheu And Tish Ah Tsu, And the baby was named Ker Chee, And their Uncle Ker Chawl And his wife were all 69 Lays for Little Chaps Of the Snee Zee fam-i-lee, And when the mama stood and called her cliil- dren from the door, You would laugh and laugh for an hour and a half if never you laughed before. " Ah Cheu," she 'd say in her feminine way, " bring in the little Ker Chee, And Tish Ah Tsu, bring him in, too, to the Snee Zee fam-i-lee." Alas and alack ! but my voice will crack as the mournful tale I tell. To that sweet little band in the Mongol land a terrible fate befell. On a summer day in a sportive way they called one another all, And over and o'er the names they bore they would call and call and call. They called Ah Cheu And Tish Ah Tsu And the baby Ker Chee, Ker Chee, And their Uncle Ker Chawl, They called them all, Till they 're dead as the dead can be. Ah Cheu was tough, and was used to snuff, so he lived at his fate to scoff, 70 The Mournful Tale of the Snee Zee Familee But the rest are dead, as I 've heretofore said, for their heads they were all sneezed oft'. And this is the tale I have tried to wail of Ah Cheu and his little Ker Chee And Tish Ah Tsu and Ah Chee, too, of the Snee Zee fam-i-lee. 71 Lays for Little Chaps c "I'M PRAYING FOR YOU" THERE 'S a quaint little letter that lies on my stand, A quaint little letter in old-fashioned hand. It is lacking somewhat in rhetorical grace, And its capital letters at times lose their place. It scarcely would bear the most critical test ; Yet of all correspondence I hold it the best, For it ends ah, in love it was written all through : " Remember, my boy, that I 'm praying for you." 72 "7'w Praying for You" " Remember, my boy " Oli, an old boy am I, With a head that shines back to the laugh of the sky, But to her I 'm " my boy," and I always will be Till the white angel steps 'twixt my mother and me, And longer ; the love that has guarded my way I know will not cease at the close of the day, But will whisper me still from the infinite blue : " Remember, my boy, that I 'm praying for you." "I'm praying for you " God knows we all need That some heart of love to the Father shall plead, For our feet will but stumble on life's weary way, And we frequently find that we 're sadly astray. We say to our spirits, " Be brave and press on," But the spirit will faint, and the soul will grow wan ; And then comes the message, our strength to renew : " Remember, my boy, that I 'm praying for you." 73 Lays for Little Chaps Remember ! Oh, mother, I could not forget ; Still the dear, loving message my lashes will wet, As I read it here written in old-fashioned hand In the quaint little letter that lies on my stand ; And in fancy I see you, as often of old, When love kissed your face into beauty untold, As you knelt by rny cot With eyes strangely dim, Your boy does remember you're praying for him. 74 The Loving Mother THE LOVING MOTHER SHE had been a loving mother and a very faithful wife ; She had reared their seven children and had fitted them for life, And through all their days of childhood she had taken little ease, For whene'er she thought of resting, it was, " Mother, won't you please 75 Lays for Little Chaps " Won't you please to fix my bonnet ? " " I say, mother, where 's my hat ? " " Put this piece of ribbon on it." " Won't you fix my doll like that ? " So, from six o'clock of mornings until ten o'clock at night, She hurried, as though resting were a thing that was n't right ; And they said, the while she wearied in the ceaseless toil and strife : " She is such a loving mother, and she 's such a faithful wife ! " Of course they loved her greatly, as bairns and husband should ; As she grew thin with slaving they would mur mur, " She 's so good ! " But when, at times, a moment just for rest she fain would seize, (Of course they were but thoughtless) it was, " Mother, won't you please " Won't you mend this hole? It 's shocking." " T say, Sarah, where 's that pail ? " " Won't you please to fix this stocking ? " " Can't you make my boat a sail ? " 76 The Loving Mother And so, by mending, cooking, and a thousand labors pressed, She never quite could find the time to take the needed rest. But e'er, as she grew thinner in the constant toil of life, They said : " She 's such a mother, and she 's such a faithful wife ! " One day this little woman felt sadly worn and tired ; She could n't labor for the rest, although she still desired. They bore her tenderly to bed ; she weakened by degrees, And the house seemed half deserted with no " Mother, won't you please " Won't you please ? " The words unspoken Yet she heard in fitful dreams, As they knew by many a token, By the fever's prattled themes, Till one morn the great white angel took her gently to his breast, Whispering softly, " You have labored. Lo, I give to you my rest." 77 Lays for Little Chaps Once she sighed, "How will they manage?" Then she faded out of life. She was such a loving mother and was such a faithful wife. Sometimes I close my eyes and try to dream of her at rest, And finding life is easy in the country of the blest ; But it 's difficult to fancy, for in those white courts of ease Ofttimes, I judge, in dreams she hears, " Now, mother, won't you please 78 The Loving Mother " Won't you step down here a minute; They can spare you up that way ? Here 's this work ; I can't begin it I am needing you to-day." Then, perhaps, she starts, and whispers to some angel fair and white : " Oh, this resting 's pleasant, pleasant ; it is sweet, but is it right ? " For how can she in a moment break the habit of a life ? She was such a loving mother and was such a faithful wife. 79 Lays for Little Chaps THE DESPOT KINGS DO you know of the Despot Kings that stray Out of the Land of the Far- Away Into the Country of Now and Here, Despots and tyrants all, but dear? Do you know the blink that means, " Obey ! " And the midnight clamor that brings dismay To the subjects forlorn, who natheless spring To do the will of the Despot King ? Bundle of wriggles and wails and twists ; Vacant of face and eye ; Helplessly beating with Lilliput fists Who doth the Kings defy ? 80 The Despot Kings Once I was fief to a Despot King, And my heart bowed down like a broken thing, For he ordered me out when the night was chill, And I said, " I will not ; " and he said, " You will!" Oh, spare me the tale that is old, so old, For ever and aye till the stars grow cold The children of men must tribute bring To the midnight throne of a Despot King. Scanty in wisdom and strong of lung ; Living to sleep and cry ; Standing the pygmies and elves among Who doth the Kings defy ? Once I was fief to a Despot King, But the hours and the Seasons onward swing ; And out of my life he passed one day, And the world was dark, and its skies were gray; And now at the last I know full well That all of peace for my soul did dwell In the baby voice that made me spring To do his bidding, my Despot King. 6 81 Lays for Little Chaps Fair as a lily ; white and wee ; Holding my heart in thrall ; Oh, ghosts of the long dead years, to me My Despot King recall. 82 / Wish I Was an Engineer I WISH I was an engineer. I guess I 'd like to stand In the cabin of an engine, with a thing umbob in hand, And when I 'd pull that thingumbob the engine then would go Out, out into the night-time when the stars is hangin' low ; I 'd see the lights of houses goin' gleamin' gleam- in' past, 83 Lays for Little Chaps Like a last-campaign percession when it 's walkin' middliu' fast; And then I 'd pull the whistle-string an' hear the engine say : "Hey, there! you little mites of men, you'd better clear the way ! " I would n't mind just loads of black upon my face and clothes If I could be an engineer, the land o' goodness knows ! I wish I was an engineer. Then boys would look at me, An' say : " Hey, Jimmy, here 's de chap wot runs de engine. See ! " An' then I 'd pull the whistle-string an' never smile a bit When that big noise would scare the boys almost into a fit, Because I 'd know, as engineers, I guess, 'most always do, That if a noise scares little boys, they 're apt to like it, too. Just whiskin' through a hundred towns, straight onward hour by hour, While all the time the ceaseless " chug " beats out the Song of Power ; 84 I Wish I Was an Engineer Oh, you will talk admirin' of your Kings and Czars, maybe To be an engineer, you bet ! were good enough for me. I wish I was an engineer, to sit there like a Turk An' smile to see the fireman sweat while doin' of the work. I s'pose that Emp'rers has a snap, to which, of course, they 're born, But if I was an engineer I 'd look on them with scorn. Just sittin' in my cab up there and listenin' all the time 85 Lays for Little Chaps Unto the constant " chug-chug-chug," that ceaseless, mighty rhyme, And knowin' that a hundred lives was trusted unto me, I guess I 'd feel a sense of power ; I 'd catch the music's key And hear it singin' in my soul as down the world I 'd go, If I were but an engineer But, then, I ain't, you know. 86 It 's Hard to Say IT'S HARD TO SAY I MISS the patter-patter Of the tiny little feet ; I miss the prattled chatter ; I miss the kisses sweet. But I guess that Heaven 's lighter For the babe I laid to rest, And some angel's face is brighter As she holds her to her breast. I knew not how to spare her ; E'en yet my heart is numb, For life held nothing fairer Oh, wayward tears that come, Perhaps the Father sought her For His own home of light Because He felt without her No Heaven were perfect, quite. 87 Lays for Little Chaps Sometimes from life's long battle I turn, and sit a while, And seem to hear her prattle And see my darling's smile. And then I say, " It 's better. She missed the weary fray And Worry's chain and fetter ; " But, oh, it 's hard to say. It 's hard to say, for ever My heart will listen still For prattle sounding never, For baby laughter's trill : And where the shadows gather I look to see her stand My darling with the Father And reaeh to take her hand. I guess that Heaven 's fairer Because my babe is there, But, oh, this life is barer, With naught to lighten care. 88 It 's Hard to Say I try to say, " It 's better," But, though my lips obey, They speak but form and letter, For, oh, it 's hard to say. 89 Lays for Little Chaps A LITTLE, LITTLE FELLOW THERE 'S a little, little fellow, and he 's really very small, For he measures by my table and he is n't quite so tall ; And this little, little fellow in the evening seeks my knees, And he says: " Now won't oo tell me jus' the nicest 'tories, p'ease ? " And then I tell him stories that I wouldn't dare to say Are of the usual run of things we meet on every day; And the last thing that he asks me is, with story-telling through, " Now does oo 'pose when I 'in growed up I '11 know as much as oo ? " 90 A Little, Little Fellow Oh, little, little fellow, who sit upon ray knee, I know how all misplaced is this, the faith you rest in me. My wisdom is a fiction, and my stock of knowl edge small ; Like you, I guess the Father knows, and He is over all. I stumble on the journey, and I falter as I go, And where the days shall lead me, I never, never know. But, though I'm all unworthy of your faith, it cheers me, too, With