SEYMOUR DURST 
 
 When you leave, please leave this hook 
 
 Because it has heen said 
 "Ever'thing comes t' him who waits 
 
 £y:cept a loaned hook." 
 
 J 
 
Avery Architectural and Fine Arts Library 
 Gift of Seymour B. Durst Old York Library 
 
r 
 
KNICKERBOCKER'S 
 HISTORY OF NEW YORK. 
 Vol. 1. 
 
Frontispiece, 
 
 WASHINGTON IRVING. 
 
mm 
 
 Wasmington Irving 
 
 ^ KNICKERBOCKER'S 
 
 % History 
 or New York 
 
 COynPLETE 
 HENRY ALTEMUS COHPANV 
 
INTEODUCTION. 
 
 Kkickerbockee's History of New York is tbo 
 book, published in December, 1809, with which 
 Washington Irving, at the age of twenty-six, first won 
 wide credit and influence. Walter Scott wrote to an 
 American friend, who sent him the second edition — 
 
 "I beg you to accept my best thanks for the uncommon 
 degree of entertainment which I have received from the most 
 excellently jocose History of New York. I am sensible that, 
 as a stranger to American parties and politics, I must lose 
 much of the concealed satire of the piece, but I must own that, 
 looking at the simple and obvious meaning only, I have never 
 read anything so closely resembling the style of Dean Swift as 
 t le annals of Diedrich Knickerbocker. I have been employed 
 these few evenings in reading them aloud to Mrs. S. and two 
 ladies who are our guests, and our sides have been absolutely 
 sore with laughing. I think, too, there are passages which 
 indicate that the author possesses powers of a different kind, 
 and has some touches which remind me much of Sterne." 
 
 Washington Irving was the son of WiUiam Irving, 
 a sturdy native of the Orkneys, allied to the Irvines of 
 Drum, among whose kindred was an old historiographer 
 who said of them, " Some of the foolish write them- 
 selves Irving." William Irving of Shapinsha, in the 
 Orkney Islands, was a petty officer on board an armed 
 packet ship in His Majesty's service, when he met 
 with his fate at Falmouth in Sarah Sanders, whom he 
 married at Falmouth in May, 1761. Their first child 
 
6 
 
 INTEODtrCTIOW. 
 
 was biiried in England before J nly, 1763, wlien peace 
 had been concluded, and William Irving emigrated to 
 "New York witb his wife, soon to be joined by hia 
 wife's parents. 
 
 At New Tork William Irving entered into trade, 
 and prospered fairly until the outbreak of the American 
 Revolution. His sympathy, and that of his wife, went 
 with the colonists. On the 19th of October, 1781, 
 Lord Cornwallis, with a force of seven thousand men, 
 surrendered at Torktown. In October, 1782, Holland 
 acknowledged the independence of the United States 
 in a treaty concluded at the Hague. In January, 1783, 
 an armistice was concluded with Great Britain. In 
 February, 1783, the independence of the States was 
 acknowledged by Sweden and by Denmark, and in 
 March by Spain. On the 3rd of April in that year an 
 eleventh child was bom to William and Sarah Irving, 
 who was named Washington, after the hero under whom 
 the war had been brought to an end. In 1783 the 
 peace was signed, New Tork was evacuated, and the 
 independence of the United States acknowledged by 
 England. 
 
 Of the eleven children eight survived. Willian, 
 Irving, the father, was rigidly pious, a just and ho- 
 nourable man, who made religion burdensome to his 
 children by associating it too much with restrictions 
 and denials. One of their two weekly half-holidays 
 was devoted to the Catechism. The mother's gentler 
 sensibility and womanly impulses gave her the greater 
 influence ; but she reverenced and loved her good 
 husband, and when her youngest puzzled her with his 
 pranks, she would say, " Ah, Washington, if you were 
 only good ! " 
 
rNTRODDCTION. V 
 
 For Ms lively spirits and quick fancy could not 
 easily be subdued. He would get out of bis bed- 
 room wradow at nigbt, walk along a coping, and climb 
 over tbe roof to tbe top of the next house, only for the 
 high purpose of astonishing a neighbour by dropping 
 a stone down his chimney. As a young selioolboy 
 he came upon Hoole's translation of Ariosto, and 
 achieved in his father's back yard knightly adventures. 
 " Robinson Crusoe " and " Sindbad the Sailor " made 
 him yearn to go to sea. But this was impossible 
 unless he could learn to lie hard and eat salt pork, 
 which he detested. He would get out of bed at night 
 and lie on the floor for an hour or two by way of 
 practice. He also took every opportunity that came 
 in his way of eating the detested food. But the more 
 he tried to like it the nastier it grew, and he gave up 
 as impracticable his hope of going to sea. He fastened 
 upon adventures of real travellers; he yearned for 
 travel, and was entranced in his youth by first sight of 
 the beauties of the Hudson River. He scribbled jests 
 for his school friends, and, of covxrse, he wrote a school- 
 boy play. At sixteen his schooling was at an end, and 
 he was placed in a lawyer's office, from which he was 
 transferred to another, and then, in January, 1802, to 
 another, where he continued his clerkship with a Mr. 
 Hoffman, who had a young wife, and two young 
 daughters by a former marriage. With this family 
 Wasliington Irving, a careless student, lively, clever, 
 kind, established the happiest relations, of which after- 
 wards there came the deep grief of his life and a 
 sacred memory. 
 
 Washington Irving's eldest brothers were beginning 
 to thrive in business. A brother Peter shared Ids 
 
8 
 
 rCTTEODXrCTIOIT. 
 
 frolics witli the pen. His artist pleasure in the theatre 
 was indulged without his father's knowledge. He 
 would go to the play, come home for nine o'clock 
 prayers, go up to bed, and climb oat of his bedroom 
 window, and run back and see the after-piece. So come 
 evasions of undue restraint. 
 
 But with all this impulsive liveliness, young Wash- 
 ington Irving's life appeared, as he grew up, to be in 
 grave danger. When he was nineteen, and taken by a 
 brother-in-law to Ballston springs, it was determined 
 by those who heard his incessant night cough that he 
 was " not long for this world." When he had come 
 of age, in April, 1804, his brothers, chiefly his eldest 
 brother, who was prospering, provided money to send 
 him to Europe that he might recover health by restful 
 travel in France, Italy, and England. When he was 
 helped up the side of the vessel that was to take him 
 from New York to Bordeaux, the captain looked at 
 him with pity and said, " There's a chap who will go 
 overboard before we get across." But Washington 
 Irving returned to ISTew York at the beginning of the 
 year 1806 with health restored. 
 
 What followed will be told in the Introduction to 
 the other volume of this History of 'New York, by 
 Diedrich Knickerbocker. 
 
 H. M. 
 
THE AUTHOE'S APOLOOY. 
 
 The following work, in which, at the outset, nothing 
 more was contemplated than a temporary jeu-d^esprit, 
 was commenced in company with my brother, the late 
 Peter Irving, Esq. Our idea was to parody a small 
 hand-book which had recently appeared, entitled, " A 
 Picture of New York." Like that, our work was to 
 begin with an historical sketch ; to be folloAved by 
 notices of the customs, manners and institutions of the 
 city; written in a serio-comic vein, and treating local 
 errors, follies and abuses with good-humored satire. 
 
 To burlesque the pedantic lore displayed in certain 
 American works, our historical sketch was to commence 
 with the creation of the world; and we laid all kinds of 
 works under contribution for trite citations, relevant or 
 irrelevant, to give it the proper air of learned research. 
 Before this crude mass of mock erudition could be 
 digested into form, my brother departed for Europe, and 
 I was left to prosecute the enterprise alone. 
 
 I now altered the plan of the work. Discarding all 
 idea of a parody on the " Picture of New York," I deter- 
 mined that what had been originally intended as an 
 introductory sketch should comprise the whole work, 
 and form a comic historj' of the city. I accordingly 
 moulded the mass of citations and disquisitions into in- 
 troductory chapters, forming the first book; but it soon 
 became evident to me that, like Robinson Crusoe with 
 his boat, I had begun on too large a scale, and that, to 
 launch my history successfully, I must reduce its pro- 
 
10 
 
 THE AUTHOK'S AFOLOGY. 
 
 portions. I accordingly resolved to contine it to the 
 period of the Dutch domination, which, in its rise, prog- 
 ress and decline, presented that unity of subject re- 
 quired by classic rule. It was a period, also, at that time 
 almost a terra incognita in history. In fact, I was 
 surprised to find how few of my fellow-citizens were 
 aware that New York had ever been called New Am- 
 sterdam, or had heard of the names of its early Dutch 
 governors, or cared a straw about their ancient Dutch 
 progenitors. 
 
 This, then, broke upon me as the poetic age of our 
 city; poetic from its very obscurity; and open, like the 
 early and obscure days of ancient Rome, to all the em- 
 bellishments of heroic fiction. 1 hailed my native city as 
 fortunate above all other American cities in having an 
 antiquity thus extending back into the regions of doubt 
 and fable; neither did 1, conceive I was committing any 
 grievous historical sin in helping out the few facts I 
 could collect in this remote and forgotten region with 
 figments of my own brain, or in giving characteristic 
 attributes to the few names connected with it which I 
 might dig up from oblivion. 
 
 In this, doubtless, I reasoned like a young and inex- 
 perienced writer, besotted with his own fancies; and my 
 presumptuous trespasses into this sacred, though neg- 
 lected, region of history have met with deserved rebuke 
 from men of soberer minds. It is too late, however, to 
 recall the shaft thus rashly launched. To any one 
 whose sense of fitness it may wound, I can only say with 
 Hamlet — 
 
 " Let my disclaiming from a purposed evil 
 Free me so far in your most generous thoughts 
 That I have shot my arrow o'er the house 
 And hurt my brother." ' 
 
 I will say this in further apology for my work: that 
 if it has taken an unwarrantable liberty with our early 
 provincial history, it has at least turned attention to 
 that history, and provoked research. It is only since 
 
THE AUTHOE. S APOLOGY. 
 
 11 
 
 this -vvork appeared that the forgotten archives of the 
 province have been rummaged, and the facts and per- 
 sonages of the olden time rescued from the dust of 
 oblivion, and elevated into whatever importance they 
 may actually possess. 
 
 The main object of my work, in fact, had a bearing 
 ,wide from the sober aim of history, but one which, I 
 trust, will meet with some indulgence from, poetic 
 minds. It was to embody the traditions of our city 
 in an amusing form; to illustrate its local humors, cus- 
 toms and peculiarities; to clothe home scenes and places 
 and familiar names with those imaginative and whim- 
 sical associations so seldom met with in our new country, 
 but which live like charms and spells about the cities of 
 the old world, binding the heart of the native inhabi- 
 tant to his home. 
 
 In this I have reason to believe I have in some 
 measure succeeded. Before the appearance of my work 
 the popular traditions of our city were unrecorded; the 
 peculiar and racy customs and usages derived from our 
 Dutch progenitors were unnoticed, or regarded with 
 indifference, or adverted to Avith a sneer. Now they 
 form a convivial currency, and are brought forward on 
 all occasions; they link our Avhole community together 
 in good-humor and good-fellowship; they are the rally- 
 ing points of home feeling; the seasoning of our civic 
 festivities; the staple of local tales and local pleas- 
 antries; and are so harped upon by our writers of popu- 
 lar fiction that I find myself almost crowded off the 
 legendary ground which I was the first to explore by the 
 host who have followed in my footsteps. 
 
 I dwell on this head because, at the first appearance 
 of my work, its aim and drift were misapprehended by 
 some of the descendants of the Dutch Avorthies, and 
 because I understand that now and then one may still be 
 found to regard it with a captious eye. The far greater 
 
12 
 
 V KOTICES. 
 
 part, however, I have reason to flatter myself, receive my 
 good-humoured picturings in the same temper with 
 which they were executed ; and when I find, after a 
 lapse of nearly forty years, this haphazard production of 
 my youth still cherished among them ; when I find its 
 very name become a " household word," and used to give 
 the home stamp to everything recommended for popular 
 acceptation, such as Knickerbocker societies, Knicker- 
 bocker insurance companies, Knickerbocker steamboats, 
 Knickerbocker omnibuses, Knickerbocker bread, and 
 Knickerbocker ice ; and when I find New Yorkers of 
 Dutch descent priding themselves upon being " genuine 
 Knickerbockers," I please myself with the persuasion 
 that I have struck the right chord ; that my dealings with 
 the good old Dutch times, and the customs and usages 
 derived from them, are in harmony with the feelings and 
 humours of my townsmen ; that I have opened a vein of 
 pleasant associations and quaint characteristics peculiar 
 to my native place, and which its inhabitants will not 
 willingly suif er to pass away ; and that, though other his- 
 tories of New York may appear of higher claims to learned 
 acceptation, and may take their dignified and appropriate 
 rank in the family library, Knickerbocker's history will 
 still be received with good-humoured indulgence, and 
 be thumbed and chuckled over by the family fireside. 
 
 W. I. 
 
 Sunny side, 1848. 
 
 Notices. 
 
 WHICH APPEAEED IN THE NEWSPAPERS PEEVIOUS 
 TO THE PUBLICATION OF THIS WORK. 
 
 From the "Evening Post" of October 26, 1809. 
 DISTRESSING. 
 Left his lodgings some time since, and has not since been 
 heard of, a small elderly gentleman, dressed in an old black 
 
NOTICES. 
 
 13 
 
 coat and cocked hat, by the name of Knickerhoctcer. As there 
 are some reasons for believing he is not entirely in his 
 right mind, and as great anxiety is entertained about him, any 
 information concerning him, left either at the Columbian 
 Hotel, Mulberry Street, or at the office of this paper, will be 
 thankfully received. 
 
 p.S. — Printers of newspapers will be aiding the cause of 
 humanity in giving an insertion to the above. 
 
 From, the savie, November 6, 1809. 
 
 To the Editor of the *' Evening Post." 
 
 SiE, — Having read, in your paper of the 2Gth October last, a 
 paragraph respecting an old gentleman by the name of Knicker- 
 hacker, who was missing from his lodgings ; if it would be any 
 relief to his friends, or furnish them vrith any clue to discover 
 where he is, you may inform them that a person answering 
 the description given was seen by the passengers of the 
 Albany stage, early in the morning, about four or five weeks 
 since, resting himself by the side of the road, a little above 
 King's Bridge. He had in his hand a small bundle tied in a 
 red bandana handkerchief : he appeared to be travelling 
 northward, and was very much fatigued and exhausted. 
 
 A Teavelleb. 
 
 From the same, Ifovember 16, 1809. 
 To the Editor of the " Evening Post." 
 
 Sir,— You have been good enough to publish in your paper 
 a paragraph about Mr. Diedrich Enickerhocker, who was 
 missing so strangely some time since. Nothing satisfactory 
 has been heard of the old gentleman since ; but a very cwious 
 kind of a written book has been found in his room, in his own 
 handwriting. Now, I wish you to notice him, if he is still 
 ttiive, that if he does not retiirn and pay oif his bill for 
 
u 
 
 NOTICES. 
 
 boarding and lodging, I shall have to dispose of his book to 
 satisfy me for the same. 
 
 I am, Sir, your humble servant, 
 
 Seth Handaside, 
 
 Landlord of the Independent Oolumbian Hotel, 
 Mulberry Street. 
 
 From the same, Ncrvemtier 28, 1809. 
 LITEEAEY NOTICE. 
 
 Inskeep and Bradford have in the press, and will shortly 
 
 publish, 
 
 A History of New York, 
 
 In two volumes, duodecimo. Price three dollars. 
 
 Containing an account of its discovery and settlement, with 
 its internal policies, manners, customs, wars, &c. &c., under 
 the Dutch government, furnishing many ciuious and interesting 
 particulars never before published, and which are gathered 
 from various manuscript and other authenticated sources, the 
 whole being interspersed with philosophical speculations and 
 moral precepts. 
 
 Thii work was found in the chamber of Mr. Diedrich 
 jSnickerbocker, the old gentleman whose sudden and mysteri- 
 ©US disappearance has been noticed. It is published in order 
 to discharge certain debts he has left behind. 
 
 From the " American Citizen" December 6, 1809. 
 
 Is this day published. 
 By Inskeep and Bhadpoed, No. 128, Broadway, 
 A History of New York, 
 &c. &c. 
 
 (Containing same as above.) 
 
ACCOUNT OF THE AUTHOK. 
 
 It was some time, if I recollect right, in the early part 
 of the fall of 1808, that a stranger applied for lodgings at 
 the Independent Columbian Hotel in Mulberry Street, 
 of which I am landlord. He was a small, brisk-lookmg 
 old gentleman, dressed in a rusty black coat, a pair of 
 olive velvet breeches, and a small cocked hat. He had 
 a few grey hairs plaited and clubbed behind, and his 
 beard seemed to be of some eight-and-forty hours' 
 growth. The only piece of finery which he bore about 
 him was a bright pair of square silve.r shoebuckles; 
 and all his baggage Avas contained in a pair of saddle- 
 bags, which he carried under his arm. His whole 
 appearance was something out of the common run; and 
 my wife, who is a very shrewd body, at once set him 
 down for some eminent country schoolmaster. 
 
 As the Independent Columbian Hotel is a very small 
 house, I was a little puzzled at first Avhere to put him; 
 but my wife, who seemed taken with his looks, would 
 needs put him in her best chamber, which is genteelly 
 set off Avith the profiles of the Avhole family, done in 
 black, by those tAvo great painters, Jarvis and Wood; 
 and commands a very pleasant vicAV of the neAV grounds 
 on the Collect, together Avith the rear of the Poor 
 House and Bridewell, and the full front of the Hospital; 
 so that it is the cheerfulest room in the whole house. 
 
 During the Avhole time that he stayed Avith us, we 
 found him a very worthy, good sort of an old gentleman, 
 though a Httle queer in his ways. He Avould keep in his 
 
16 
 
 ACCOUlSrT OF THE AUTHOR. 
 
 room for days together, and if anj' of the children cried, 
 or made a noise about his door, he would bounce out in 
 a great passion, with his hands full of papers, and say 
 something about "deranging his ideas"; which made 
 my wife believe sometimes that he was not altogether 
 compos. Indeed, there was more than one reason to 
 make her think so, for his room was always covered with 
 scraps of paper and old mouldy books, lying about at sixes 
 and sevens, which he would never let anybody touch; 
 for he said he had laid them all away in their proper 
 places, so that he might know where to find them; 
 though, for that matter, he was half his time worrying 
 about the house in search of some book or writing which 
 he had carefully put out of the way. I shall never for- 
 get what a pother he once made, because my wifa 
 cleaned out his room when his back was turned, and 
 put everything to rights; for he swore he would never 
 be able to get his papers in order again in a twelve- 
 month. Upon this my wife ventured to ask him, what 
 he did with so many books and papers? and he told 
 her, that he was "seeking for immortality"; which 
 made her think, more than ever, that the poor old 
 gentleman's head was a little cracked. 
 
 He was a very inquisitive body, and when not in his 
 room was continually poking about town, hearing all the 
 news, and prying into everything that was going on; 
 this was particularly the case about election time, when 
 he did nothing but bustle about from poll to poll, 
 attending all ward meetings and committee-rooms ;' 
 though I could never find that he took part with either 
 side of the question. On the contrary, he would come 
 home and rail at both parties with great wrath— and 
 plainly proved one day to the satisfaction of my wife, 
 and three old ladies who Avere drinking tea with her' 
 that the two parties were like two rogues, each tugging at 
 the skirt of the nation; and that in the end they would 
 tear the very coat oflf its back, and expose its nakedness. 
 
ACCOUNT OF I'HE AUTHOR. 
 
 1? 
 
 Indeed, lie was an oracle among the neighbours, who 
 would collect around him to hear him talk of an after- 
 noon, as he smoked his pipe on the bench before the 
 door ; and I really believe he would have brought over 
 the whole neighbourhood to his own side of the question, 
 if they could ever have found out what it was. 
 
 He was very much given to argue, or, as he called it, 
 j)\ilosopliise, about the most trifling matter, and to do 
 him j ustice, I never knew anybody that was a match for 
 him, except it was a grave-looking old gentleman who 
 called now and then to see him, and often posed him in 
 an argument. But this is nothing surprising, as I have 
 since found out this stranger is the city librarian ; and, 
 of course, must be a man of great learning ; and I have 
 my doubts if he had not some hand in the following 
 history. 
 
 As our lodger had been a long time with us, and we 
 had never received any pay, my wife began to be some- 
 what uneasy, and curious to find out who and what he 
 was. She accordingly made bold to put the question to 
 his friend the librarian, who replied, in his dry way, that 
 he was one of the Literati ; which she supposed to mean 
 some new party in politics. I scorn to push a lodger for 
 his pay, so I let day after day pass on without dunning 
 the old gentleman for a farthing ; but my wife, who 
 always takes these matters on herself, and is, as I said, 
 a shrewd kind of a woman, at last got out of patience, 
 and hinted, that she thought it high time " some people 
 should have a sight of some people's money." To which 
 the old gentleman replied in a mighty touchy manner, 
 that she need not make herself uneasy, for that he 
 had a treasure there (pointing to his saddle-bags) worth 
 her whole house put together. This was the only answer 
 we could ever get from him ; and as my wife, by some of 
 those odd ways in which women find out everything, 
 learnt that he was of very great connections, being 
 
18 
 
 ACCOUNT OF THE AaTHOR. 
 
 related to tlie Knickerbockers of Scaghtikoke, and consin- 
 german to tlie Congress-man of that name, she did not like 
 to treat him nnoivilly. What is more, she even oifered, 
 merely by way of making things easy, to let him live scot- 
 free, if he wonld teach the children their letters ; and to try 
 her best and get her neighbours to send their children also ; 
 but the old gentleman took it in such dudgeon, and 
 seemed so affronted at being taken for a schoolmaster, 
 that she never dared to speak on the subject again. 
 
 About two months ago, he went out of a morning, with 
 a bundle in his hand — and has never been heard of since. 
 All kinds of inquiries were made after him, but in vain. 
 I wrote to his relations at Scaghtikoke, but they sent for 
 answer, that he had not been there since the year before 
 last, when he had a great dispute with the Congress-man 
 about politics, and left the place in a huff, and they had 
 aeither heard nor seen anything of him from that time to 
 this. I must own I felt very much worried about the 
 poor old gentleman ; for I thought something bad must 
 have happened to him, that he should be missing so long, 
 and never return to pay his bill. I therefore advertised 
 him in the newspapers, and though my melancholy 
 advertisement wds published by several humane printers, 
 yet I have never been able to learn anj'thing satisfactory 
 about him. 
 
 My wife now said it was high time to take care of our- 
 selves, and see if he had left anj^thing behind in his room, 
 that would pay us for his board and lodging. We found 
 nothing, however, but some old books, and musty writings, 
 and his pair of saddle-bags ; which, being opened in 
 the presence of the librarian, contained only a few 
 articles of Avorn-out clothes, and a large bundle of 
 blotted paper. On looking over this, the librarian told 
 us, he had no doubt it was the treasure which the old 
 gentleman had spoke about ; as it proved to be a most 
 *xoelient and faithful History op New York, which he 
 
ACCOUNT OF THE AtTTHOB. 
 
 19 
 
 advised us by all means to publish : assuring us that it 
 would be so eagerly bought up by a discerning public, that 
 he had no doubt it would be enough to pay our arrear.s 
 ten times over. Upon this we got a very learned school- 
 master, who teaches our children, to prepare it for the 
 press, which he accordingly has done ; and has, moreover, 
 added to it a number of notes of his own ; and an en» 
 graving of the city, as it was at the time Mr. Knicker- 
 bocker writes about. 
 
 This, therefore, is a true statement of my reasons for 
 having this work printed, without waiting for the 
 consent of the author ; and I here declare, that if he 
 ever returns (though I much fear some unhappy 
 accident has befallen him), I stand ready to account witt 
 him like a true and honest man. Which is all at present — 
 From the public's humble servant, 
 
 Seth Handaside. 
 
 Independent Columbian Hotel, New Yoek. 
 
 The foregoing account of the author was prefixed to 
 the first edition of this work. Shortly after its publica- 
 tion, a letter was received from him, by Mr. Handaside, 
 dated at a small Dutch village on the banks of the Hudson, 
 whither he had travelled for the purpose of inspecting 
 certain ancient records. As this was one of those few 
 and happy villages, into which newspapers never find 
 their way, it is not a matter of surprise, that Mr. Knicker- 
 bocker should never have seen the numerous advertise- 
 ments that were made concerning him ; and that he should 
 learn of the publication of his history by mere accident. 
 
 He expressed much concern at its premature appearance, 
 as thereby he was prevented from making several im- 
 portant corrections and alterations : as well as from pro- 
 fiting by many curious hints which he had collected 
 during his travels along the shores of the Tappan Sea, 
 and his sojourn at Haverstraw and Esopus. 
 
20 
 
 ACCOUNT OF THE AUTHOB. 
 
 Finding that there was no longer any immediate 
 necessity for Ms return to New York, he extended his 
 journey up to the residence of his relations at Scaghtikoke. 
 On his way thither he stopped for some days at Albany, 
 for which city he is known to have entertained a great 
 « partiality. He found it, however, considerably altered, 
 
 and was much concerned at the inroads and improvements 
 which the Yankees were making, and the consequent de- 
 cline of the good old Dutch manners. Indeed, he was in- 
 formed that these intruders were making sad innovations 
 in all parts of the State ; where they had given great 
 trouble and vexation to the regular Dutch settlers, by the 
 introduction of turnpike - gates and country school- 
 houses. It is said, also, that Mr. Knickerbocker shook 
 his head sorrowfully at noticing the gradual decay of the 
 great Vander Heyden palace ; but was highly indignant 
 at finding that the ancient Dutch church, which stood 
 in the middle of the street, had been pulled down since 
 his last visit. 
 
 The fame of Mr. Knickerbocker's History having 
 reached even to Albany, he received much flattering 
 attention from its worthy burghers ; some of whom, how- 
 ever, pointed out two or three very great errors he had 
 fallen into, particularly that of suspending a lump of 
 sugar over the Albany tea-tables, which they assured 
 him had been discontinued for some years past. Several 
 families, moreover, were somewhat piqued that their 
 ancestors had not been mentioned in his work, and showed 
 great jealousy of their neighbours who had thus been 
 distinguished ; while the latter, it must be confessed, 
 plumed themselves vastly thereupon ; considering these 
 recordings in the light of letters patent of nobility, es- 
 tablishing their claims to ancestry, which, in this re- 
 publican country, is a matter of no little solicitude and 
 vain -glory. 
 
 It is also said, that he enjoyed high favour and counte- 
 
ACCOUNT OF THE AUTHOR. 
 
 21 
 
 aance from the governor, who once asked him to dinner, 
 and was seen two or ,three times to shake hands with him 
 when they met in the street ; which certainly was going 
 great lengths, considering that they differed in politics. 
 Indeed, certain of the governor's confidential friends, to 
 whom he could venture to speak his mind freely on such 
 matters, have assured us that he privately entertained a 
 considerable good-will for our author — nay, he even once 
 went so far as to declare, and that openly too, and at his 
 own table, just after dinner, that " Knickerbocker was a 
 very well-meaning sort of an old gentleman, and no fool." 
 From all which many have been led to suppose, that, had 
 our author been of different politics, and written for the 
 newspapers instead of wasting his talents on histories, he 
 might have risen to some post of honour and profit : per- 
 ad venture to be a notary public, or even a justice in the 
 ten-pound court. 
 
 Besides the honours and civilities already mentioned, 
 he was much caressed by the literati of Albany ; parti- 
 cularly by Mr. John Cook, who entertained him very 
 hospitably at his circulating library and reading-room, 
 where they used to drink Spa water, and talk about the 
 ancients. He found Mr. Cook a man after his own heait 
 — of great literary research, and a curious collector of 
 books. At parting, the latter, in testimony of friendship, 
 made him a present of the two oldest works in his 
 collection ; which were, the earliest edition of the Heidel- 
 berg Catechism, and Adrian Vander Donck's famous 
 account of the New Netherlands ; by the last of which 
 Mr. Knickerbocker profited greatly in this his second 
 edition. 
 
 Having passed some time very agreeably at Albany, 
 our author proceeded to Scaghtikoke ; where, it is but 
 justice to say, he was received with open arms, and treated 
 with wonderful loving-kindness. He was much looked 
 up to by the family, being the first historian of the name ; 
 
22 
 
 ACCOUNT or THE ATJTHOE. 
 
 and was considered almost as great a man as his consin 
 the Congress-man — witli whom, by-the-by, he became 
 perfectly reconciled, and contracted a strong friendship. 
 
 In spite, however, of the kindness of his relations, and 
 iheir great attention to his comforts, the old gentleman 
 soon became restless and discontented. His history being 
 published, he had no longer any business to occupy his 
 thoughts, or any scheme to excite his hopes and anticipa- 
 tions. This, to a busy mind like his, was a truly de- 
 plorable situation ; and had he not been a man of in- 
 flesible morals and regular habits, there would have been 
 great danger of his taking to politics or drinking — both 
 which pernicious vices we daily see men driven to by 
 mere spleen and idleness. 
 
 It is true he sometimes employed himself in preparing 
 a second edition of his history, wherein he endeavoured to 
 correct and improve many passages with which he was 
 dissatisfied, and to rectify some mistakes that had crept 
 into it ; for he was particularly anxious that his work 
 should be noted for its authenticity ; which, indeed, is the 
 very life and soul of history. But the glow of composi- 
 tion had departed — he had to leave many places untouched 
 which he would fain have altered ; and even where he 
 did make alterations, he seemed always in doubt whether 
 they were for the better or the worse. 
 
 After a residence of some time at Scaghtikoke, he began 
 to feel a strong desire to return to New York, which he 
 ever regarded with the warmest aifection ; not merely 
 because it was his native city, but because he really con- 
 sidered it the very best city in the whole world. On his re- 
 turn he entered into the full enjoyment of the advantages 
 of a literary reputation. He was continually importuned 
 to write advertisements, petitions, handbills, and produc- 
 tions of similar import ; and, although he never meddled 
 with the public papers, yet had he the credit of writing 
 innumerable essays, and smart things, that appeared on 
 
ACCOUNT OF THE AtTTHOE. 
 
 23 
 
 all subjects, and all sides of the question, in all which, he 
 was clearly detected " by his style." 
 
 He contracted, moreover, a considerable debt at the 
 post-office, in consequence of the numerous letters he 
 received from authors and printers soliciting his subscrip- 
 tion — and he was applied to by every charitable society 
 for yearly donations, which he gave very cheerfully, 
 considering these applications as so many compliments. 
 He was once invited to a great corporation dinner ; and 
 was even twice summoned to attend as a juryman at the 
 court of quarter sessions. Indeed, so renowned did he 
 become, that he could no longer pry about, as formerly, in 
 all holes and corners of the city, according to the bent of 
 his humour, unnoticed and uninterrupted ; but several 
 times when he has been sauntering the streets, on his 
 usual rambles of observation, equipped with his cane and 
 cocked hat, the little boys at play have been known to 
 cry, '' There goes Diedrich ! " at which the old gentleman 
 seemed not a little pleased, looking upon these salutations 
 in the light of the praise of posterity. 
 
 In a word, if we take into consideration all these 
 various honours and distinctions, together with an ex- 
 uberant eulogium, passed on him in the Portfolio (with 
 which, we are told, the old gentleman was so much over- 
 powered, that he was sick for two or three days) it musO 
 be confessed that few authors have ever lived to receive 
 such illustrious rewards, or have so completely enjoyed in 
 advance their own immortality. 
 
 After his return from Scaghtikoke, Mr. Knickerbocker 
 took up his residence at a little rural retreat, which the 
 Ftuyvesants had granted him on the family domain, in 
 gratitude for his honourable mention of their ancestor. 
 It was pleasantly situated on the borders of one of the 
 salt marshes beyond Corlear's Hook ; subject, indeed, to 
 be occasionally overflowed, and much infested, in the 
 summer-time, with musquitoes ; but otherwise very 
 
24 
 
 ACCOUNT OF THE AUTHOE. 
 
 agreeable, producing abundant crops of salt grass and! 
 bulruslies. 
 
 Here, we are sorry to say, the good old gentleman fell 
 dangerously ill of a fever, occasioned by tbe neighbouring 
 marshes. When he found his end approaching, he dis- 
 posed of his worldly affairs, leaving the bulk of his 
 fortune to the New York Historical Society ; his Heidel- 
 berg Catechism and Vander Donck's work to the City 
 Library ; and his saddle-bags to Mr. Handaside. He for- 
 gave all his enemies — that is to say, all that bore any 
 enmity towards him ; for as to himself, he declared he- 
 died in good-will to all the world. Ajid, after dictating 
 several kind messages to his relations at Scaghtikoke,. 
 as well as to certain of our most substantial Dutch 
 citizens, he expired in the arms of his friend the librarian. 
 
 His remains were interred, according to his own re- 
 quest, in St. Mark's Churchyard, close by the bones of his- 
 favourite hero, Peter Stuyvesant ; and it is rumoured 
 that the Historical Society have it in mind to erect a 
 wooden monument to his memory in the Bowling Green. 
 
TO THE PUBLIC. 
 
 "To rescue from oblivion the memory of former in- 
 cidents, and to render a just tribute of renown to the 
 many great and wonderful transactions of our Dutch 
 progenitors, Diedrich Knickerbocker, native of the city of 
 New York, produces this historical essay." * Like the 
 great Father of History, whose words I have just quoted, 
 I treat of times long past, over which the twilight of un- 
 certainty had already thrown its shadows, and the night 
 of forgetfulness was about to descend for ever. With 
 great solicitude had I long beheld the early history of 
 this venerable and ancient city gradually slipping from 
 our grasp, trembling on the lips of narrative old age, and 
 day by day dropping piecemeal into the tomb. In a little 
 while, thought I, and those reverened Dutch burghers, 
 who serve as the tottering monuments of good old times, 
 will be gathered to their fathers ; their children, en- 
 grossed by the empty pleasures or insignificant trans- 
 actions of the present age, will neglect to treasure up 
 the recollections of the past, and posterity will search in 
 vain for memorials of the days of the Patriarchs. The 
 origin of our city will be buried in eternal oblivion, and 
 even the names and achievements of Wouter Van Twiller, 
 William Kieft, and Peter Sfcuyvesant be enveloped in 
 doubt and fiction, like those of Romulus and Remus, of 
 Charlemagne, King Arthur, Rinaldo, and Godfrey of 
 Boulogne. 
 
 Determined, therefore, to avert if possible this threatened 
 misfortune, I industriously set myself to work to gather 
 •Beloe's Herodotus. 
 
26 
 
 TO THE PUBLIC, 
 
 together all the fragments of otir ancient history which 
 still existed ; and, like my revered prototype, Herodotus, 
 where no written records could be found, I have 
 endeavoured to continue the chain of history by well- 
 authenticated traditions. 
 
 In this arduous undertaking, which has been the whole 
 business of a long and solitary life, it is incredible the 
 number of learned authors I have consulted, and all to 
 but little purpose. Strange as it may seem, though such 
 multitudes of excellent works have been written about 
 this country, there are none extant which give any full 
 and satisfactory account of the early history of New 
 York, or of its three first Dutch G-overnors. I have, how- 
 ever, gained much valuable and curious matter from an 
 elaborate manuscript, written in exceeding pure and 
 classic low Dutch, excepting a few errors in orthography, 
 which was found in the archives of the Stuyvesant 
 family. Many legends, letters, and other documents have 
 I likewise gleaned in my researches among the family 
 chests and lumber garrets of our respectable Dutch citizens ; 
 and I have gathered a host of well-authenticated traditions 
 from divers excellent old ladies of my acquaintance, who 
 requested that their names might not be mentioned. Nor 
 must I neglect to acknowledge how greatly I have been 
 assisted by that admirable and praiseworthy institution, 
 the New Yokk Historical Society, to which I here 
 publicly return my sincere acknowledgments. 
 
 In the conduct M this inestimable work I have adopted 
 no individual model, but, on the contrary, have simply 
 contented myself with combining and concentrating the 
 excellences of the most approved ancient historians. 
 Like Xenophon, I have maintained the utmost impar- 
 tiality, and the etrictest adherence to truth throughout 
 my history. I have enriched it, after the manner of 
 Sallust, with various characters of ancient worthies, 
 drawn at full length and faithfully coloured. I have 
 
TO THE PUBLIC. 
 
 27 
 
 seasoned it with profound political speculations like 
 Thucydides, sweetened it with the graces of sentiment 
 like Tacitus, and infused into the whole the dignity, the 
 grandeur and magnificence of Livy. 
 
 I am aware that I shall incur the censure of numerous 
 very learned and judicious critics for indulging too fre- 
 quently in the bold excursive manner of my favourite 
 Herodotus. And. to be candid, I have found it impossible 
 always to resist the allurements of those pleasing 
 episodes, which, like flowery banks and fragrant bowers, 
 beset the dusty road of the historian, and entice him to 
 turn aside, and refresh himself from his wayfaring. But 
 I tiTist it will be found that I have always resumed my 
 staff, and addressed myself to my weary journey with re- 
 novated spirits, so that both my readers and myself have 
 been benefited by the relaxation. 
 
 Indeed, though it has been my constant wish and 
 uniform endeavour to rival Polybius himself, in observing 
 the requisite unity of History, yet the loose and uncon- 
 nected manner in which many of the facts herein re- 
 corded have come to hand rendered ,'»uch an attempt ex- 
 tremely difficult. This difficulty was likewise increased 
 by one of the grand objects contempkted in my work, 
 which was to trace the rise of sundry customs and in- 
 stitutions in this best of cities, and to compare them, 
 when in the germ of infancy, with what they are in the 
 present old age of knowledge and improvement. 
 
 But the chief merit on which I value myself, and 
 found my hopes for future regard, is that faithful vera- 
 city with which I have compiled this invaluable little 
 work ; carefully winnowing away the chaff of hypothesis, 
 and discarding the tares of fable, which are too apt to 
 spring up and choke the seeds of truth and wholesome 
 knowledge. Had I been anxious to captivate the super- 
 ficial throng, who skim like swallows over the surface of 
 literature ; or had I been anxious to commend my 
 
28 
 
 TO THE PUBLIC. 
 
 writings to the pampered palates of literary epicures, I 
 might have availed myself of the obscurity that over- 
 shadows the infant years of our city, to introduce a thous- 
 and pleasing fictions. But I have scrupulously discarded 
 many a pithy tale and marvellous adventure, whereby the 
 drowsy ear of summer indolence might be enthralled ; 
 jealously maintaining that fidelity, gravity, and dignity 
 which should ever distinguish the historian. " For a 
 writer of this class," observes an elegant critic, " must 
 sustain the character of a wise man writing for the in- 
 struction of posterity : one who has studied to inform 
 himself well, who has pondered his subject with care, 
 and addresses himself to our judgment rather than to 
 our imagination." 
 
 Thrice happy, therefore, is this our renowned city, in 
 having incidents worthy of swelling the theme of 
 history ; and doubly thrice happy is it in having such an 
 historian as myself to relate them. For, after all, gentle 
 reader, cities of themselves, and, in fact, empires of thevi- 
 selves, are nothing without an historian. It is the 
 patient narrator who records their prosperity as they rise 
 — who blazons forth the splendour of their noontide 
 meridian — who props their feeble memorials as they 
 totter to decay — who gathers together their scattered 
 fragments as they rot — and who piously, at length, 
 collects their ashes into the mausoleum of his work, and 
 rears a triumphal monument to transmit their renown to 
 all succeeding ages. 
 
 What has been the fate of many fair cities of anti- 
 quity, whose nameless ruins encumber the plains of 
 Europe and Asia, and awaken the fruitless inquiry of the 
 traveller ? They have sunk into dust and silence — they 
 have perished from remembrance for want of an his- 
 torian ! The philanthropist may weep over their 
 desolation — the poet may wander among their mouldering 
 arches and broken columns, and indulge the visionary 
 
TO THE PUBLIC. 
 
 29 
 
 flights of his fancy — but alaa I alas ! the modem his- 
 torian, whose pen, like my own, is doomed to confine it- 
 self to dull matter of fact, seeks in vain among their 
 oblivious remains for some memorial that may tell the 
 instructive tale of their glory and their ruin. 
 
 " Wars, conflagrations, deluges," says Aristotle, " de- 
 stroy nations, and with them all their monuments, their 
 discoveries, and their vanities. The torch of science has 
 more than once been extinguished and rekindled — few 
 individuals, who have escaped by accident, reunite the 
 thread of generations." 
 
 The same sad misfortune which has happened to so 
 many ancient cities will happen again, and from the 
 same sad cause, to nine-tenths of those which now 
 flourish on the face of the globe. With most of them the 
 time for recording their history is gone by ; their origin, 
 their foundation, together with the early stages 
 of their settlement, are for ever buried in the rubbish 
 of years ; aud the same would have been the case with 
 this fair portion of the earth if I had not snatched it 
 from obscurity in the very nick of time, at the moment 
 that those matters herein recorded were about entering 
 into the widespread insatiable maw of oblivion — if I had 
 not dragged them out, as it were, by the very locks, just 
 as the monster's adamantine fangs were closing upon 
 them for ever ! And here have I, as before observed, 
 carefully collected, collated, and arrahged them, scrip 
 and scrap, " punt en punt, gat en gat" and commenced in 
 this little work, a history to serve as a foundation on 
 which other historians may hereafter raise a noble super- 
 Btructure, swelling in process of time, until Knicher- 
 boclier's New York may be eqally voluminous with 
 Gibbon's Borne, or Hume and Smolletfs England ! 
 
 And now indulge me for a moment : while I lay down 
 my pen, skip to some little eminence at the distance of 
 two or three hundred years ahead ; and, casting back a 
 
30 
 
 TO THE PUBLIC. 
 
 bird's-eye glance over the waste of years tiat is to roll 
 between, discover myself — little I — at tMs moment the 
 progenitor, prototype, and precursor of them all, posted 
 at the head of this host of literary worthies, with my 
 book under my arm, and New York on my back, pressing 
 forward, like a gallant commander, to honour and im- 
 mortality. 
 
 Such are the vainglorious imaginings that will now 
 and then enter into the brain of the author — that irra- 
 diate, as with celestial light, his solitary chamber, 
 cheering his weary spirits, and animating him to per- 
 severe in his labours. And I have freely given utterance 
 to these rhapsodies whenever they have occurred ; not, I 
 trust, from an unusual spirit of egotism, but merely that 
 the reader may for once have an idea how an author 
 thinks and feels while he is writing — a kind of know- 
 ledge very rare and curious, and much to be desired. 
 
History of Jew York. 
 
 CONTAINING DIVERS INGENIOUS THE0EIE3 AND PHILO- 
 SOPHIC SPECULATIONS, CONCERNING THE CREATION 
 AND POPULATION OP THE WORLD, AS CONNECTED 
 ■WITH THE HISTORY OP NEW YORK. 
 
 CHAPTER I. 
 
 According to the best authorities, the world in which 
 we dwell is a huge, opaque, reflecting, inanimate mass, 
 floating in the rast ethereal ocean of infinite space. It has 
 the form of an orange, being an oblate spheroid, curiously 
 flattened at opposite parts, for the insertion of two 
 imaginary poles, which are supposed to penetrate and 
 unite at the centre ; thus forming an axis on which the 
 mighty orange turns with a regular diurnal revolution. 
 
 The transitions of light and darkness, whence proceed 
 the alternations of day and night, are produced by this 
 diurnal revolution successively presenting the different 
 parts of the earth to the rays of the sun. The latter is, 
 according to the best, that is to say, the latest, accounts' 
 a luminous or fiery body, of a prodigious magnitude, 
 from which this world is driven by a centrifugal or 
 repelling power, and to which it is drawn by a centri- 
 petal or attractive force ; otherwise called the attraction 
 of gravitation ; the combination, or rather the counter- 
 action, of these two opposing impulses producing a cir- 
 cular and annual reyolution. Hence result the different 
 
32 
 
 HISTOEY OF NEW YOKK. 
 
 seasons of the year — viz., spring, summer, autumn, and 
 winter. 
 
 This I believe to be the most approved modern theory 
 on the subject ; though there be many philosophers who 
 have entertained very different opinions ; some, too, of 
 them entitled to much deference from their great antiquity 
 and illustrious characters. Thus it was advanced by 
 some of the ancient sages that the earth was an extended 
 plain, supported by vast pillars ; and by others that it 
 rested on the head of a snake, or the back of a huge tor- 
 toise ; but as they did not provide a resting place for 
 either the pillars or the tortoise, the whole theory fell to 
 the ground for want of proper foundation. 
 
 The Brahmins assert, that the heavens rest upon the 
 earth, and the sun and moon swim therein like fishes in 
 the water, moving from east to west by day, and gliding 
 along the edge of the horizon to their original stations 
 during night ; * while, according to the Pauranicas of 
 India, it is a vast plain, encircled by seven oceans of 
 milk, nectar, and other delicious liquids ; that it is 
 studded with seven mountains, and ornamented in the 
 centre by a mountainous rock of burnished gold ; and 
 that a great dragon occasionally swallows up the moon, 
 which accounts for the phenomena of lunar eclipses.f 
 
 Beside these, and many other equally sage opinions, 
 we have the profound conjectures of Aboul-Hassan-Aly, 
 eon of Al Khan, son of Aly, son of Abderrahman, son of 
 Abdallah, son of Masoud-el-IIadheli, who is commonly 
 called Masoudi, and surnamed Cothbeddin, but who takes 
 the humble title of Laheb-ar-rasoul, which means the 
 companion of the ambassador of G-od. He has written a 
 universal history, entitled, " Mouroudge-ed-dharab, or the 
 Godlen. Meadows, and the Mines of Precious Stones. J In 
 
 • Faria y Souza; Mick. Lus. note b. 7 
 t Sir W. Jones, Diss. Antiq. Ind. Zed. 
 t MSS. Bibliot. Hoi, Fr. 
 
HISTOUy OP NEW TOEK. 
 
 33 
 
 this valuable work he has related the history of the 
 world, from the creation down to the moment of writing ; 
 which was under the Khaliphat of Mothi Billah, in the 
 month Dgioumadi-el-aoual of the 336th year of the 
 Hcgira or flight of the Prophet. He informs us that the 
 earth is a huge bird, Mecca and Medina constitute the 
 head, Persia and India the right wing, the land of G-og 
 the left wing, and Africa the tail. He informs us, more- 
 iver, that an earth has existed before the present (which 
 he considers as a mere chicken of 7,000 years), that it has 
 undergone divers deluges, and that, according to the 
 opinion of some well-informed Brahmins of his ac- 
 quaintance, it will be renovated every seventy thousandth 
 hazarouam ; each hazarouam consisting of 12,000 years. 
 
 These are a few of the many contradictory opinions of 
 philosophers concerning the earth, and we find that the 
 learned have had equal perplexity as to the nature of the 
 sun. Some of the ancient philosophers have affirmed 
 that it is a vast wheel of brilliant fire ; * others that it is 
 merely a mirror or sphere of transparent crystal ; f and a 
 third class, at the head of whom stands Anaxagoras, main- 
 tained that it was nothing but a huge ignited mass of 
 iron or stone — indeed he declared the heavens to be 
 merely a vault of stone — and that the stars were stones 
 whirled upward from the earth, and set on fire by the 
 velocity of its revolutions. J But I give little attention 
 to the doctrines of this philosopher, the people of Athens 
 having fully refuted them by banishing him from their 
 city ; a concise mode of answering unwelcome doctrines, 
 much resorted to in former days. Another sect of philo- 
 sophers do declare, that certain fiery particles exhale 
 
 * Plutarch de Plac. Philos. lib. ii. cap. 20. 
 
 t Achill. Tat. isag. cap. 19; Ap. Petav. t lii. p. 81; Stob. Eclog. 
 Phys. lib. i. p. 66 ; Plut. de Plac. Philos. 
 
 X Diogenes Laertius in Anaxag. 1. ii. sec. 8 ; Plat. Apol..t. i. p. 20; 
 Mut. de Plac. Philos. ; Xenoph. Mem. L iv. p 816. 
 
KISTOEY OF HEVf YOKK. 
 
 constantly from the earth, which, concentratincr in a 
 single point of the fii-mament by day, constitute the sun, 
 but being scattered and rambling about in the dark at 
 night, collect in various points, and form stars. These 
 are regularly burnt out and extinguished, not unlike to 
 the lamps in our streets, and require a fresh supply of 
 exhalations for the next occasion.* 
 
 It is even recorded that at certain remote and obscure 
 periods, in consequence of a great scarcity of fuel, the sun 
 has been completely burnt out, and sometimes not re 
 kindled for a month at a time. A most melancholy 
 circumstance, the very idea of which gave vast concern 
 to Heraclitus, that worthy weeping philosopher of anti- 
 quity. In addition to these various speculations, it was 
 the opinion of Herschel that the sun is a magnificent, 
 habitable abode ; the light it furnishes arising from 
 certain empyreal, luminous or phosphoric clouds, swim- 
 ming in its transparent atmosphere.f 
 
 But we will not enter further at present into the 
 nature of the sun, that being an inquiry not immediatelv 
 necessary to the development of this history ; neither 
 will we embroil ourselves in any more of the endless dis- 
 putes of philosophers touching the form of this glohe, huz 
 content ourselves with the theory advanced in the begin- 
 ning of this chapter, and will proceed to illustrate by ex- 
 periment the complexity of motion therein ascribed to 
 this our rotatory planet. 
 
 Professor Von Poddingcoft (or Puddinghead, as the 
 name may be rendered into English) was long celebrated 
 in the University of Leyden for profound gravity of 
 deportment and a talent at going to sleep in the midst of 
 examinations, to the infinite relief of his hopeful students. 
 
 • Aristot. Meteor. 1. ii. c. 2 ; Idem Prohl. sec. 15 ; Stob. Eel. Phys. 
 L L p. 55 ; Bruck. Hist. Phil. t. i. p.. 1154, &c. 
 
 t Pliilos. Trans. 1795, p. 72 ; Idem. 1801, p. 265 ; Nioh. PhUos. 
 Journ. i. p. IS. 
 
HISTORY OF NEW YORK. 
 
 35 
 
 who thereby worked their way through college with 
 great ease and little study. In the course of one of his 
 lectures, the learned professor seizing a bucket of water 
 swung it around his head at arm's length. The impulse 
 with which he threw the vessel from him, being a centri- 
 fugal force, the retention of his arm operating as a cen- 
 tripetal power, and the bucket, which was a substitute for 
 the earth, describing a circular orbit round about the 
 globular head and ruby visage of Professor Von Podding- 
 cof t, which formed no bad representation of the sun. All 
 of these particulars were duly explained to the class of 
 gaping students around him. He apprised them more- 
 over, that the same principle of gravitation which re- 
 tained the water in the bucket restrains the ocean from 
 fijdng from the earth in its rapid revolutions ; and he 
 farther informed them that should the motion of the 
 earth be suddenly checked, it would incontinently fall 
 into the snn, through the centripetal force of gravitation : 
 a most ruinous event to this planet, and one which would 
 also obscure, though it most probably would not ex- 
 truguish, the solar luminary. An unlucky stripling, one 
 ol' those vagrant geniuses who seem sent into the world 
 morely to annoy worthy men of the puddinghead order, 
 desirous of ascertaining the correctness of the experiment, 
 suddenly arrested the arm of the professor just at the 
 moment that the bucket was in its zenith, which im- 
 mediately descended with astonishing precision upon 
 the philosophic head of the instructor of youth. A 
 hollow sound, and a red-hot hiss, attended the contact ; 
 but the theory was in the amplest manner illustrated, for 
 the unfortunate bucket perished in the conflict ; but 
 the blazing countenance of Professor Von Poddingcoft 
 em&rged from amidst the waters, glowing fiercer than 
 ever with unutterable indignation, whereby the students 
 were marvellously edified, and departed considerably 
 wiser than before. 
 
36 
 
 HISTOKY OF NEW YORK. 
 
 It is a mortifying circumstance, -wMcli greatly per- 
 plexes many a painstaking pliilosoplier, that nature often 
 refuses to second Ms most profound and elaborate efforts ; 
 so that often after having invented one of the most inge- 
 nious and natural theories imaginable, she will have the 
 perverseness to act directly in the teeth of his system, and 
 flatly contradict his most favourite positions. This is a 
 manifest and unmerited grievance, since it throws the 
 censure of the vulgar and unlearned entirely upon the 
 philosopher ; whereas the fault is not to be ascribed to 
 his theory, which is unquestionably correct, but to the 
 waywardness of Dame Nature, who, with the proverbial 
 fickleness of her sex, is continually indulging in coque- 
 tries and caprices, and seems leally to take pleasure in 
 violating all philosophic rules, and jilting the most 
 learned and indefatigable of her adorers. Thus it hap- 
 pened with respect to the foregoing satisfactory explana- 
 tion of the motion of our planet ; it appears that the 
 centrifugal force has long since ceased to operate, while 
 its antagonist remains in undiminished potency : the 
 world, therefore, according to the theory as it originally 
 stood, ought in strict propriety to tumble into the sun ; 
 philosophers were convinced that it would do so, and 
 awaited in anxious impatience the fulfilment of their 
 prognostics. But the untoward planet pertinaciously 
 continued her course, notwithstanding that she had 
 reason, philosophy, and a whole university of learned pro- 
 fessors opposed to her conduct. The philosophers took 
 this in very ill part, and it is thought they would never 
 have pardoned the slight and affront which they con- 
 ceived put upon them by the world had not a good- 
 natured professor kindly ofiiciated as a mediator between 
 the parties, and effected a reconciliation. 
 
 Finding the world would not accommodate itself to 
 the theory, he wisely determined to accommodate the 
 theory to the world ; he therefore informed his brother 
 
 1 
 
HISTORY OF NEW YORK. 
 
 37 
 
 pMlosopliers that tlie circular motion of the earth round 
 the sun was no sooner engendered by the conflicting im- 
 pulses above described than it became a regular revolu- 
 tion independent of the causes which gave it origin. His 
 learned brethren readily joined in the opinion, being 
 heartily glad of any explanation that would decently 
 extricate them from their embarrassment ; and ever since 
 that memorable era the world has been left to take her 
 own course, and to revolve around the sun in such orbit 
 as she thinks proper. 
 
 CHAPTER II. 
 Having thus briefly introduced my reader to the world, 
 and given him some idea of its form and situation, he 
 will naturally be curious to know from whence it came, 
 and how it was created. And, indeed, the clearing up of 
 these points is absolutely essential to my history, inas- 
 much as if this world had not been formed, it is more 
 than probable that this renowned island, on which is 
 situated the city of New York, would never have had an 
 existence. The regular course of my history, therefore, 
 requires that I should proceed to notice the cosmogony or 
 formation of this our globe. 
 
 And now I give my readers fair warning that I am 
 about to plunge, for a chapter or two, into as complete a 
 labyrinth as ever historian was perplexed withal ; there- 
 fore I advise them to take fast hold of my skirts, and 
 keep close at my heels, venturing neither to the right 
 hand nor to the left, lest they get bemired in a slough of 
 unintelligible learning, or have their brains knocked out 
 by some of those hard G-reek names which will be flj^ing 
 about in all directions. But should any of them be too 
 indolent or chicken-hearted to accompany me in this 
 perilous undertaking, they had better take a short cut 
 round, and wait for me at the beginning of some smoother 
 chapter. 
 
HISTORY OF HEW YOHK. 
 
 Of the creation of the world we have a thousand con- 
 tradictory accounts ; and though a very satisfactory one 
 is furnished us by divine revelation, yet every philoso- 
 pher feels himself in honour bound to furnish us with a 
 better. As an impartial historian, I consider it my duty 
 to notice their several theories, by which mankind have 
 been so exceedingly edified and instructed. 
 
 Thus it was the opinion of certain ancient sages, that 
 the earth and the whole system of the universe was the 
 Deity himself ; * a doctrine most strenuously maintained 
 by Zenophanes and the whole tribe of Eleatics, as also by 
 Strabo and the sect of peripatetic philosophers. Pytha- 
 goras likewise inculcated the famous numerical system- 
 of the monad, dyad, and triad ; and by means of his sacred 
 quaternary, elucidated the formation of the world, the 
 arcana of nature, and the principles both of music and 
 morals, f Other sages adhered to the mathematical 
 system of squares and triangles ; the cube, the pyramid, 
 and the sphere ; the tetrahedron, the octahedron, the 
 icosahedron, and the dodecahedron. J While others ad- 
 vocated the great elementary theory, which refers the 
 construction of our globe and all that it contains to the 
 combinations of four material elements, air, earth, fire, 
 and water ; with the assistance of a fifth, an immaterial 
 and vivifying principle. 
 
 Nor must I omit to mention the great atomic system 
 taught by old Moschus before the siege of Troy ; re- 
 vived by Democritus of laughing memory ; improved by 
 Epicurus, that king of good fellows ; and modernised by 
 the fanciful Descartes. But I decline inquiring, whether 
 flie atoms, of which the earth is said to be composed, are 
 
 • Aristot. ap. Cic. lib. i. cap. 3. 
 
 t Aristot. Metaph. lib. i. c. 5 ; Idem, de Coelo, 1. iil. c. 1 ; Rousiieaa 
 mem. sur Musique aneien. p. 39 ; Plutarch de Plac. Phlloa. lib. i. 
 cap. 3. 
 
 i Tim. Locr. ap. Plato, t. ill. p. 90. 
 
 L 
 
HISTORY OF NEW YOBK. 
 
 39 
 
 eternal or recent ; ■wheth.er they are animate or inanimate ; 
 v\ iiecher, agreeably, to tlie opinion of Atheists, they were 
 fortuitously aggregated, or, as the Theists maintain, were 
 arranged by a supreme intelligence.* "V^Tiether, in fact, 
 the earth be an insensate clod, or whether it be animated 
 by a soul,f which opinion was strenuously maintained 
 by a hosf' of philosophers, at the head of whom stands 
 the great Tlato, that temperate sage, who threw the cold 
 water of philosophy on the form of sexual intercourse, 
 and inculcated the doctrine of Platonic love — an ex- 
 quisitely refined intercourse, but much better adapted to 
 the ideal inhabitants of his imaginary island of Atlantis 
 than to the sturdy race, composed of rebellious flesh and 
 blood, which populates the little matter-of-fact-island we 
 inhabit. 
 
 Besides these systems, we have, moreover, the poetical 
 theogony of old Hesiod, who generated the whole universe 
 in the regular mode of procreation ; and the plausible 
 opinion of others, that the earth was hatched from the 
 great egg of night, which iioated in chaos, and was 
 cracked by the horns of the celestial bull. To illustrate 
 this last doctrine, Burnet, in his theory of the earth,J has 
 favoured us with an accurate drawing and description, 
 both of the form and texture of this mundane egg, 
 which is found to bear a marvellous resemblance to that 
 of a goose. Such of my readers as take a proper interest 
 in the origin of this our planet will be pleased to learn 
 that the most profound sages of antiquity among the 
 Egyptians, Chaldeans, Persians, Greeks, and Latins have 
 alternately assisted at the hatching of this strange bird, 
 and that their cacklings have been caught, and continued 
 
 • Aristot. Nat. Auscult. 1. ii. cap. 6 ; Aristopli. Metaph. lib. i. cap. 
 3 ; Cic. de Nat. Deor. lib. i. cap. 10 ; Justin Mart. orat. ad gent. p. 
 20. 
 
 t Moslieim in Cudw. lib i. cap. 4 ; Tim. de anim. mund. ap. Flat, 
 lib. iii. ; Mem. de I'Acad. des Belles-Lettr. t. xxxii. p. 19. 
 J Book i. ch. 5. 
 
40 
 
 HISTORY OF NEW TOEK. 
 
 in different tones and inflections, from philosopher to 
 philosopher, unto the present day. 
 
 But while briefly noticing long celebrated systems of 
 ancient sages, let me not pass over, with neglect, those 
 of other philosophers, which, though less universal than 
 renowned, have equal claims to attention, and equal 
 chance for correctness. Thus it is recorded by the 
 Brahmins, in the pages of their inspired Shastah, that 
 the angel Bistnoo transformed himself into a great 
 boar, plunged into the watery abyss, and brought up the 
 earth on his tusks. Then issued from him a mighty tor- 
 toise and a mighty snake ; and Bistnoo placed the snake 
 erect upon the back of the tortoise, and he placed the 
 earth upon the head of the snake.* 
 
 The negro philosophers of Congo afiirm, that the world 
 was made by the hands of angels, excepting their own 
 country, which the Supreme Being constructed himself, 
 that it might be supremely excellent. And he took great 
 pains with the inhabitants, and made them very black 
 and beautiful ; and when he had finished the first man, 
 he was well pleased with him, and smoothed him over 
 the face, and hence his nose, and the nose of all his 
 descendants, became flat. 
 
 The Mohawk philosophers tell us, that a pregnant 
 woman fell down from heaven, and that a tortoise took 
 her upon its back, because every place was covered with 
 water ; and that the woman, sitting upon the tortoise, 
 paddled with her hands in the water, and raked up the 
 earth, whence it finally happened that the earth became 
 higher than the water.f 
 
 But I forbear to quote a number more of these ancient 
 and outlandish philosophers, whose deplorable ignorance, 
 in despite of all their erudition, compelled them to write 
 
 * HolweU, Gent. Philosophy. 
 
 t Johannes Megapolensis, Jun. Account of Maquaas or Moliawk 
 Indians. 
 
HISTORY OF NBW YORK. 
 
 41 
 
 hi languages which, but few of my readers can under- 
 Btand ; and I shall proceed briefly to notice a few more 
 intelligible and fashionable theories of their modem 
 successors. 
 
 And, first, I shall mention the great Buffon, who con- 
 jectures that this globe was originally a globe of liquid 
 fire, scintillated from the body of the sun, by the per- 
 cussion of a comet, as a spark is generated by the colli- 
 sion of flint and steel. That at first it was surrounded 
 by gross vapours, which, cooling and condensing in pro- 
 cess of time, constituted, according to their densities, 
 earth, water, and air, which gradually arranged them- 
 selves, according to their respective gravities, round the 
 burning or vitrified mass that formed their centre. 
 
 Hutton, on the contrary, supposes that the waters at 
 first were universally paramount ; and he terrifies him- 
 ielf with the idea that the earth must be eventually 
 washed away by the force of rain, rivers, and mountain 
 torrents, until it is confounded with the ocean, or, in 
 other words, absolutely dissolves into itself. Sublime 
 idea 1 far surpassing that of the tender-hearted damsel of 
 antiquity, who wept herself into a fountain ; or the good 
 dame of Narbonne in France, who, for a volubility of 
 tongue unusual in her sex, was doomed to peel five 
 hundred thousand and thirty-nine ropes of onions, and 
 actually run out at her eyes before half the hideous task 
 was accomplished. 
 
 Whiston, the same ingenious philosopher who rivalled 
 Ditton in his researches after the longitude (for which 
 the mischief -loving Swift discharged on their heads a 
 most savoury stanza), has distinguished himself by a very 
 admirable theory respecting the earth. He conjectures 
 that it was originally a chaotic comet, which, being 
 selected for the abode of man, was removed from its ec- 
 centric orbit, and whirled round the sun in its present 
 regular motion ; by which change of direction, order 
 
HISTOEY OF NEW YOKK. 
 
 succeeded to confusion in tlie arrangement of its com- 
 ponent parts. Tlie philosopher adds that the deluge was 
 produced by an uncourteous salute from the watery tail 
 of another comet ; doubtless through sheer envy of its 
 improved condition : thus furnishing a melancholy proof 
 that jealousy may prevail even among the heavenly bodies, 
 and discord interrupt that celestial harmony of the spheres 
 so melodiously sung by the poets. 
 
 But I pass over a variety of excellent theories, among 
 which are those of Burnet, and Woodward, and Wnite- 
 hurst ; regretting extremely that my time will not sulf ei 
 me to give them the notice they deserve ; and shall con- 
 clude with that of the renowned Dr. Darwin. This 
 learned Theban, who is as much distinguished for rhyma 
 as reason, and for good-natured credulity as serious re- 
 search, and who has recommended himself wonderfully 
 to the good graces of the ladies, by letting them into all 
 the gallantries, amours, debaucheries, and other topics of 
 scaiidal of the court of Flora, has fallen upon a theory 
 worthy of his combustible imagination. According to 
 his opinion the huge mass of chaos took a sudden occasion 
 to explode, like a barrel of gunpowder, and in that act 
 exploded the sun — which, in its flight, by a similar con- 
 vulsion, exploded the earth, which in like guise exploded 
 the moon — and thus, by a concatenation of explosions, 
 the whole solar system was produced, and set most 
 systematically in motion I* 
 
 By the great variety of theories here alluded to, every 
 one of which, if thoroughly examined, will be found sur- 
 prisingly consistent in all its parts, my unlearned readers 
 will perhaps be led to conclude that the creation of a 
 world is not so difficult a task as they at first imagined. 
 I have shown at least a score of ingenious methods in 
 which a world could be constructed ; and I have no doutt 
 
 • Drw. Bot. Garden, part i. cant. i.l. 105. 
 
HISTORY OF NEW YOEK.. 
 
 43 
 
 that had any of the philosophers above quoted the use ol!" 
 a good manageable comet, and the philosophical ware 
 house, chaos at his command, he would engage to manu- 
 facture a planet as good, or, if you would take his worcl 
 for it, better than this we inhabit. 
 
 And here I cannot help noticing the kindness of Provid- 
 ence, in creating comets for the great relief of bevvilderedl 
 philosophers. By their assistance more sudden evolutions^ 
 and transitions are effected in the system of nature tliaa 
 are wrought in a pantomimic exhibition by the wonder- 
 working sword of harlequin. Should one of our modern 
 sages, in his theoretical flights among the stars, ever find 
 himself lost in the clouds, and in danger of tumbling 
 into the abyss of nonsense and absurdity, he has but tc» 
 seize a comet by the beard, mount astride of its tail, and' 
 away he gallops in triumph like an enchanter on hij' 
 hippogriff, or a Connecticut witch on her broomstick, " tc' 
 sweep the cobwebs out of the sky." 
 
 It is an old and vulgar saying about a " beggar or. 
 horseback," which I would not for the world have applied 
 to these reverend philosophers ; but I must confess that 
 some of them, when they are mounted on one of those: 
 fiery steeds, are as wild in their curvettings as wafi 
 Phaeton of yore, when he aspired to manage the chariot 
 of Phoebus. One drives his comet at full speed against 
 the sun, and knocks the world out of him with the might" 
 concussion ; another, more moderate, makes his comet a, 
 kind of beast of burden, carrying the sun a regular supplj' 
 of food and faggots ; a third, of more combustible dis- 
 position, threatens to throw his comet like a bombshell, 
 into the world, and blow it vip like a powder magazine ;; 
 while a fourth, with no great delicacy to this planet 
 and its inhabitants, insinuates that some day or other hiis 
 comet — my modest pen blushes while I write it — shall 
 absolutely turn tail upon oTir world and deluge it witii 
 water 1 Surely, as I have already observed, comets were 
 
44 
 
 HISTORY OF NEW YOEK. 
 
 bountifully provided by Providence for the benefit of 
 philosopliers, to assist tbem in manufacturing theories. 
 
 And now, having adduced several of the most promi- 
 nent theories that occur to my recollection, I leave my 
 judicious readers at full liberty to choose among them 
 They are all serious speculations of learned men — all 
 difEer essentially from each other — and all have the same 
 title to belief. It has ever been the task of one race of 
 philosophers to demolish the works of their predecessors, 
 and elevate more splendid fantasies in their stead, which 
 in their turn are demolished and replaced by the air- 
 castles of a succeeding generation. Thus it would seem 
 that knowledge and genius, of which we make such 
 great parade, consist but in detecting the errors and 
 absurdities of those who have gone before, and de- 
 vising new errors and absurdities, to be detected by 
 those who are to come after us. Theories are the mighty 
 soap-bubbles with which the grown-up children of 
 science amuse themselves, while the honest vulgar stand 
 gazing in stupid admiration, and dignify these learned 
 vagaries with the name of wisdom ! Surely Socrates was 
 right in his opinion, that philosophers are but a soberer 
 sort of madmen, busying themselves in things totally 
 incomprehensible, or which, if they could be compre- 
 hended, would be found not worthy the trouble of 
 discovery. 
 
 For my own part, until the learned have come to an 
 agreement among themselves, I shall content myself with 
 the account handed down to us by Moses ; in which I do 
 but follow the example of our ingenious neighbours of 
 Connecticut ; who at their first settlement proclaimed 
 tliat the colony should be governed by the laws of God — 
 until they had time to make better. 
 
 One thing however appears certain — from the imani- 
 mous authority of the before quoted philosophers, sup- 
 ported by the evidence of our own senses (which, though 
 
HISTORY OF NEW YOKK. 
 
 45 
 
 very apt to deceive us, may be cautiously admitted as 
 additional testimony) — it appears, I say, and I make tlie 
 assertion deliberately, without fear of contradiction, that 
 this globe really was created, and that it is composed of 
 land and water. It further appears that it is curiously 
 divided and parcelled out into continents and islands, 
 among which I boldly declare the renowned island of 
 New York will be found by any one who seeks for it in its 
 proper place. 
 
 CHAPTER III. 
 Noah, who is the first seafaring man we read of, begat 
 three sons, Shem, Ham, and Japhet. Authors, it is true, 
 are not wanting who affirm that the patriarch had a 
 number of other children. Thus Berosus makes him 
 father of the gigantic Titans ; Methodius gives him a son 
 called Jonithus, or Jonicus (who was the first inventor of 
 Johnny cakes) ; and others have mentioned a son, named 
 Thiiiscon, from whom descended the Teutons or Teutonic, 
 or, in other words, the Dutch nation. 
 
 I regret exceedingly that the nature of my plan will 
 not permit me to gratify the laudable curiosity of my 
 readers, by investigating minutely the history of the great 
 Noah. Indeed, such an undertaking would be attended 
 with more trouble than many people would imagine ; for 
 the good old patriarch seems to have been a great 
 traveller in his day, and to have passed under a different 
 name in every country that he visited. The .Chaldeans, 
 for instance, give us his story, merely altering his name 
 into Xisuthrus — a trivial alteration, which to an his- 
 torian skilled in etymologies will appear wholly unim- 
 portant. It appears, likewise, that he had exchanged his 
 tarpaulin and quadrant among the Chaldeans for the 
 gorgeous insignia of royalty, and appears as a monarch 
 in their annals. The Egyptians celebrate him under the 
 name of Osiris ; the Indians as Menu ; the Greek and 
 
46 
 
 HISTORY OF NEW TORK. 
 
 'Roman writers conf oimd Mm with Ogyges ; and the Theban 
 with Deucalion and Saturn. But the Chinese, who de- 
 servedly rank among the most extensive and authentic 
 historians, inasmuch as they have known the world much 
 longer than any one else, declare that Noah was no other 
 than Fohi ; and what gives this assertion some air of 
 credibility is that it is a fact, admitted by the most en- 
 lightened literati, that Noah travelled into China, at the 
 time of the building of the Tower of Babel (probably to 
 improve himself in the study of languages), and the 
 learned Dr. Shuckford gives us the additional information 
 that the ark rested on a moimtain on the frontiers of China. 
 
 From this mass of rational conjectures and sage 
 hypotheses many satisfactory deductions might be 
 drawn ; but I shall content myself with the simple fact 
 stated in the Bible — viz., that Noah begat three sons, 
 Shem, Ham, and Japhet. It is astonishing on what re- 
 mote and obscure contingencies the great affairs of this 
 v/orld depend, and how events the most distant, and to 
 the common observer unconnected, are inevitably conse- 
 quent the one to the other. It remains to the philosopher 
 to discover these mysterious affinities, and it is the 
 proudest triumph of his skill to detect and drag forth 
 some latent chain of causation, which at first sight ap- 
 pears a paradox to the inexperienced observer. Thus 
 many of my readers will doubtless wonder what connec- 
 tion the family of Noah can possibly have with this 
 history ; and many will stare when informed that the 
 whole history of this quarter of the world has taken its 
 character and course from the simple circumstance of the 
 patriarch's having but three sons— but to explain. 
 
 Noah, we are told by sundry very credible historians, 
 becoming sole surviving heir and proprietor of the earth, 
 in fee simple, after the deluge, like a good father, por- 
 tioned out his estate among his children. To Shem he 
 gave Asia ; to Ham, Africa ; and to Japhet, Europe. Now 
 
HISTOEY OF NEW TORK. 
 
 it 18 a fhousand times to be lamented that he had bui 
 three sons, for had tliere been a fourth he would doubt- 
 less have inherited America, which, of course, would 
 have been dragged forth from its obscurity on the occa- 
 sion ; and thus many a hard-working historian and phi- 
 losopher would have been spared a prodigious mass of 
 weary conjecture respecting the first discovery and popu- 
 lation of this country. Noah, however, having provided 
 for his three sons, looked in all probability upon our 
 country as mere wild unsettled land, and said nothing 
 about it ; and to this unpardonable taciturnity of the 
 patriarch may we ascribe the misfortune that America 
 did not come into the world as early as the other quarters 
 fcf the globe. 
 
 It is true, some writers have vindicated him from this 
 misconduct towards posterity, and asserted that he really 
 did discover America. Thus it was the opinion of Mark 
 Lescarbot, a French writer, possessed of that ponderosity 
 of thought and profoundness of reflection so peculiar to 
 his nation, that the immediate descendants of Noah 
 peopled this quarter of the globe, and that, the old 
 patriarch himself, who still retained a passion for the sea- 
 faring life, superintended the transmigration. The 
 pious and enlightened father, Charlevoix, a French 
 Jesuit, remarkable for his aversion to the marvellous, 
 common to all great travellers, is conclusively of the 
 Bame opinion ; nay, he goes still farther, and decides 
 upon the manner in which the discovery was effected, 
 vv-hich was by sea, and under the immediate direction of 
 the great Noah. '' I have already observed," exclaims 
 the good father, in a tone of becoming indignation, " that 
 it is an arbitrary supposition that the grandchildren oi 
 Noah were not able to penetrate into the new world, or 
 that they never thought of it. In effect, I can see no 
 reason that can justify such a notion. Who can seriously 
 believe that Noah and his immediate descendants knew 
 
48 
 
 HISTORY OF NEW YORK. 
 
 less than we do, and that the builder and pilot of the 
 greatest ship that ever was, a ship which was formed tc 
 traverse an unbounded ocean, and had so many shoals* 
 and quicksands to guard against, should be ignorant of, 
 or should not have communicated to his descendants, the" 
 art of sailing on the ocean 1 Therefore, they did sail 
 on the ocean — therefore, they sailed to America — there- 
 fore, America was discovered by Noah ! " 
 
 Now all this exquisite chain of reasoning, which is so 
 strikingly characteristic of the good father, being ad- 
 dressed to the faith, rather than the understanding, is 
 flatly opposed by Hans de Laet, who declares it a real 
 and most ridiculous paradox to suppose that Noah ever 
 entertained the thought of discovering America ; and as 
 Hans is a Dutch writer, I am inclined to believe he must 
 have been much better acquainted with the worthy crew 
 of the ark than his competitors, and of course possessed 
 of more accurate sources of information. It is astonish- 
 ing how intimate historians do daily become with the 
 patriarchs and other great men of antiquity. As intimacy 
 improves, with time, and as the learned are particularly' 
 inquisitive and familiar in their acquaintance with the 
 ancients, I should not be surprised if some future writers 
 should gravely give us a picture of men and manners as 
 they existed before the flood far more copious and accu- 
 rate than the Bible ; and that, in the course of another 
 century, the log-book of the good Noah should be as current 
 among historians as the voyages of Captain Cook, or the 
 renowned history of Kobinson Crusoe. 
 
 I shall not occupy my time by discussing the huge 
 mass of additional suppositions, conjectures, and proba- 
 bilities respecting the first discovery of this country, 
 with which unhappy historians overload themselves in 
 their endeavours to satisfy the doubts of an incredulous 
 world. It is painful to see these laborious wights 
 panting, and toiling, and sweating under an enormous 
 
HISTORY OF NEW YOEK, 
 
 49 
 
 burden, at the very outset of their works, which, on being 
 opened, turns out to be nothing but a mighty I andle of 
 straw. As, however, by unwearied assiduity, they seem to 
 have established the fact, to the satisfaction of all the 
 world, that this coiintry Jias hecji discovered, I shall avail 
 myself of their useful labours to be extremely brief upon 
 this point. 
 
 I shall not, therefore, stop to inquire whether America 
 was first discovered by a wandering vessel of that cele- 
 brated Phoenician fleet, which, according to Herodotus, 
 circumnavigated Africa ; or by that Carthaginian expedi- 
 tion which, Pliny the naturalist informs us, discovered 
 the Canary Islands ; or whether it was settled by a 
 temporary colony from Tyre, as hinted by Aristotle and 
 Seneca. I shall neither inquire whether it was first dis- 
 covered by the Chinese, as Vossius with great shrewdnesa 
 advances ; nor by the Norwegians in 1002, under Biom ; 
 nor by Behem the German navigator, as Mr. Otto has 
 endeavoured to prove to the savants of the learned city 
 of Philadelphia. 
 
 Nor shall I investigate the more modem claims of the 
 Welsh, founded on the voyage of Prince Madoc in the 
 eleventh century, who, having never returned, it has 
 since been wisely concluded that he must have gone to 
 America, and that for a plain reason — if he did not go 
 there, where else could he have gone ? — a question which 
 most Socratically shuts out all further dispute. 
 
 Laying aside, therefore, all the conjectures above men- 
 tioned, with a multitude of others equally satisfactory, I 
 shall take for granted the vulgar opinion that America 
 was discovered on the 12th of October, 1492, by Chris- 
 toval Colon, a Genoese, who has been clumsily nicknamed 
 Columlius, but for what reason I cannot discern. Of the 
 voyages and adventures of this Colon I shall say nothing, 
 seeing that they are already sufBciently known. Nor shall 
 I undertake to prove that this country should have been 
 
50 
 
 HISTOEY OF NEW yOEK. 
 
 called Colonia, after his name, that being notoriously self- 
 evident. 
 
 Having thus happily got my readers on this side of the 
 Atlantic, I picture them to myself, all impatience to 
 enter upon the enjoyment of the land of promise, and in 
 full expectation that I will immediately deliver it into 
 their possession. But if I do, may I ever forfeit the re- 
 putation of a regular bred historian ! No — no — most 
 curious and thrice-learned readers (for thrice learned ye 
 are if ye have read all that has gone before, and nine 
 times learned shall ye be if ye read that vrhich comes 
 after), we have yet a world of work before us. Think 
 you the first discoverers of this fair quarter of the globo 
 had nothing to do but go on shore and find a country 
 ready laid out and cultivated like a garden, wherein they 
 might revel at their ease 1 No such thing. They had 
 forests to cut down, underwood to grub up, marshes to 
 drain, and savages to exterminate. 
 
 In like manner, I have sundry doubts to clear away, 
 questions to resolve, and paradoxes to explain before I 
 permit you to range at random; but these difficulties 
 once overcome we shall be enabled to jog on right merrily 
 through the rest of our history. Thus my work shall, in 
 a manner, echo the nature of the subject, in the same 
 manner as the sound of poetry has been found by certain 
 shrewd critics to echo the sense — this being an improve- 
 ment in history which I claim the merit of having 
 invented. ^ 
 
 CHAPTER IV. 
 The next inquiry at which we arrive in the regular 
 course of our history is to ascertain, if possible, how this 
 country was originally peopled — a point fruitful of in- 
 credible embarrassments ; for unless we prove that the 
 aborigines did absolutely come from somewhere, it will 
 be immediately asserted in this age of scepticism, that 
 
HISTOET OF NEW TOKK. 
 
 51 
 
 they did not come at all ; and if they did not come at all, 
 then was this country never populated — a conclusion 
 perfectly agreeable to the rules of logic, but wholly 
 irreconcilable to every feeling of humanity, inasmuch as 
 it must syllogistically prove fatal to the innumerable 
 aborigines of this populous region. 
 
 To avert so dire a sophism, and to rescue from logical 
 annihilation so many millions of fellow-creatures, how 
 many wings of geese have been plundered I what oceans 
 of ink have been benevolently drained ! and how many 
 capacious heads of learned historians have been addled 
 and for ever conf oimded ! I pause with reverential awe 
 when I contemplate the ponderous tomes in different 
 languages, with which they have endeavoured to solve this 
 question, so important to the happiness of society, but so in- 
 volved in clouds of impenetrable obscurity. Historian after 
 historian has engaged in the endless circle of hypothetical 
 argument, and, after leading us a weary chase through 
 octavos, quartos, and folios, has let us out at the «nd of 
 his work just as wise as we were at the beginning. It 
 was doubtless some philosophical wild-goose chase of the 
 kind that made the old poet Macrobius rail in such a 
 passion at curiosity, which he anathematises most heartily 
 as " an irksome, agonising care, a superstitious industry 
 about unprofitable things, an itching humour to see what 
 is not to be seen, and to be doing what signifies nothing 
 when it is done." But to proceed. 
 
 Of the claims of the children of Noah to the original 
 population of this country I shall say nothing, as they 
 have already been touched upon in my last chapter. The 
 claimants next in celebrity are the descendants of Abra- 
 ham. Thus Christoval Colon (vulgarly called Columbus), 
 when he first discovered the gold mines of Hispaniola, 
 immediately concluded, with a shrewdness that would 
 have done honour to a philosopher, that he had found 
 the ancient Ophir, from whence Solomon procured the 
 
52 
 
 HISTOBT OF NEW YORK. 
 
 gold for embellisliing tlie temple at Jerusalem ; nay, 
 Colon even imagined tliat he saw the remains of furnaces 
 of veritable Hebraic construction, employed in refining 
 the precious ore. 
 
 So golden a conjecture, tinctured with such fascinating 
 extravagance, was too tempting not to be immediately 
 snapped at by the gudgeons of learning ; and, accordingly, 
 there were divers profound writers ready to swear to its 
 correctness, and to bring in their usual load of atithori- 
 ties and wise surmises, wherewithal to prop it up. Va- 
 tablus and Eobert Stephens declared nothing could be 
 more clear ; Arius Montanus, without the least hesitation, 
 asserts that Mexico was the true Ophir, and the Jews the 
 early settlers of the country. While Possevin, Becan, 
 and several other sagacious writers lug in a supjJosed 
 prophecy of the fourth book of Esdras, which being in- 
 serted in the mighty hypothesis, like the keystone of an 
 arch, gives it, in their opinion, perpetual durability. 
 
 Scarce, however, have they completed their goodly 
 superstructure when in trudges a phalanx of opposite 
 authors with Hans de Laet, the great Dutchman, at their 
 head, and at one blow tumbles the whole fabric about their 
 ears. Hans, in fact, contradicts outright all the Israel- 
 itish claims to the first settlement of this country, attri- 
 buting all those equivocal symptoms, and traces of 
 Christianity and Judaism, which have been said to be 
 found in divers provinces of the new world, to the Devil, 
 who has always effected to counterfeit the worship of the 
 true Deity. " A remark," says the knowing old Padre 
 d'Acosta, " made by all good authors who have spoken of 
 the religion of nations newly discovered, and founded, 
 besides, on the authority of th.Q fathers of the church:' 
 
 Some writers again, among whom it is with much 
 xegret I am compelled to mention Lopez de Gomara and 
 Juan de Leri, insinuate that the Canaanites, being driven 
 from the land of promise by the Jews, were seized with 
 
HISTORY OF NEW YORK. 
 
 53 
 
 Buch a panic that they fled without looking behind them, ' 
 until, stopping to take breath, they found themselves safe 
 in America. As they brought neither their national 
 language, manners, nor features with them it is supposed 
 they left tliem behind in the hurry of their flight. I 
 cannot give my faith to this opinion. 
 
 I pass over the supposition of the learned G-rotius, who 
 being both an ambassador and a Dutchman to boot, is en- 
 titled to great respect, that North America was peopled 
 by a strolling company of Norwegians, and that I-eru 
 was founded by a colony from China — Manco or Mungo 
 Capac, the first Incas, being himself a Chinese. Nor shall I 
 more than barely mention that Father Kircher ascribes 
 the settlement of America to the Egyptians, Budbeck to 
 the Scandinavians, Charron to the Gauls, Juffredus Petri 
 to a skating party from Friesland, Milius to the Celtaa, 
 Marinocus the Sicilian to the Romans, Le Comte to the 
 Phoenicians, Postel to the Moors, Martin d'Angleria to 
 the Abyssinians, together with the sage surmise of De 
 Laet, that England, Ireland, and the Orcades may contend 
 for that honour. 
 
 Nor will I bestow any more attention or credit to the 
 idea that America is the fairy region of Zipangri, 
 described by that dreaming traveller Marco Polo the 
 Venetian ; or that it comprises the visionary island of 
 Atlantis, described by Plato. Neither will I stop to 
 investigate the heathenish assertion of Paracelsus, that 
 each hemisphere of the globe was originally furnished 
 with an Adam and Eve. Or the more flattering opinion 
 of Dr. Romayne, supported by many nameless authorities, 
 that Adam was of the Indian race ; or the startling con- 
 jecture of Buffon, Helvetius, and Darwin, so highly honour- 
 able to mankind, that the whole human species is acci- 
 dentally descended from a remarkable family of monkeys I 
 
 This last conjecture, I must own, came upon me very 
 suddenly and very ungraciously. I havQ oft^n b§liel4 
 
54 
 
 HISTORY OP NEW YOEK, 
 
 the clown in a pantomime, while gazing in stupid wonder 
 at the extravagant gambols of a harlequin, all at once 
 electrified by a sudden stroke of the wooden sword across 
 his shoulders. Little did I think at such times that it 
 would ever fall to my lot to be treated with equal 
 discourtesy, and that while I was quietly beholding these 
 grave philosophers emulating the eccentric transforma- 
 tions of the hero of pantomime, they would on a sudden 
 turn upon me and my readers, and with one hypothetical 
 flourish metamorphose us into beasts ! I determined 
 from that moment not to burn my fingers with any more 
 of their theories, but content myself with detailing the 
 diiferent methods by which they transported the descend- 
 ants of these ancient and respectable monkeys to this 
 great field of theoretical warfare. 
 
 This was done either by migrations by land or trans- 
 migrations by water. Thus Padre Joseph d'Acosta enu- 
 merates three passages by land, first by the north of 
 Europe, secondly by the north of Asia, and, thirdly, by 
 regions southward of the Straits of Magellan. The 
 learned Grotius marches his Norwegians by a pleasant 
 route across frozen rivers a.nd arms of the sea, through 
 Iceland, Greenland, Estotiland, and Naremberga ; and 
 various writers, among whom are Angleria, De Homn, 
 and Buffon, anxious for the accommodation of these 
 travellers, have fastened the two continents together by 
 a strong chain of deductions — by which means they 
 could pass over dry-shod. But should even this fail, 
 Pinkerton, that industrious old gentleman, who compiles 
 books and manufactures geographies, has constructed a 
 natural bridge of ice, from continent to continent, at the 
 distance of four or five miles from Behring's Straits — for 
 which he is entitled to the grateful thanks of all the 
 wandering aborigines who ever did or ever will pass 
 over it. 
 
 |t is an evil much to be lamented that none of tha 
 
HISTORY OF NEW YORK. 
 
 55 
 
 worthy writers above quoted could ever commence hia 
 work without immediately declaring hostilities against 
 every writer who had treated of the same subject. In 
 this particular authors may be compared to a certain 
 sagacious bird, which, in building its nest is sure to pull 
 to pieces the nests of all the birds in its neighbourhood. 
 This unhappy propensity tends grievously to impede the 
 progress of sound knowledge. Theories are at best but 
 brittle productions, and when once committed to the 
 stream, they should take care that, like the notable pots 
 which were fellow-voyagers, they do not crack each 
 other. 
 
 My chief surprise is, that among the many writers I 
 have noticed, no one has attempted to prove that this 
 country was peopled from the moon — or that the first 
 inhabitants floated hither on islands of ice, as white bears 
 cruise about the northern oceans — or that they were 
 conveyed hither by balloons, as modern aeronauts pass 
 from Dover to Calais — or by witchcraft, as Simon 
 Magus posted among the stars — or after the manner of 
 the renowned Scythian Abaris, who, like the new England 
 witches on full-blooded broomsticks, made most unheard- 
 of journeys on the back of a golden arrow, given him by 
 the Hyperborean Apollo. 
 
 But there is still one mode left by which this country 
 could have been peopled, which I have reserved for the 
 last, because I consider it worth all the rest : it is — by 
 accident ! Speaking of the islands of Solomon, New 
 Guinea, and New Holland, the profound father Charle- 
 voix observes : " In fine, all these countries are peopled, 
 and it is possible some have been so by accident. Now 
 if it could have happened in that manner, why might it 
 not have been at the same time, and by the sajiie means, 
 with the other parts of the globe 1 " This ingenious 
 mode of deducing certain conclusions from possible 
 premises is an improvement in syllogistic skill, and 
 
66 
 
 HISTOEY OF NEW YORK. 
 
 proves the good father superior even to Archimedes, for 
 he can turn the world without anything to rest his lever 
 upon. It is only surpassed by the dexterity with which 
 the sturdy old Jesuit in another place cuts the gordian 
 knot — " Nothing," says he, " is more easy. The inhabit- 
 ants of both hemispheres are certainly the descendants 
 of the same father. The common father of mankind 
 received an express order from Heaven to people the 
 world, and accordingly it has heen peopled. To bring 
 this about it was necessary to overcome all difficulties in 
 the way, and they have also heen overcome Pious 
 logician ! How does he put all the herd of laborious 
 theorists to the blush, by explaining in five words what 
 it has cost them volumes to prove they knew nothing 
 about ! 
 
 From all the authorities here quoted, and a varie'cy of 
 others which I have consulted, but which are omitted 
 through fear of fatiguing the unlearned reader, I can 
 only draw the following conclusions, which luckily 
 however, are sufficient for my purpose. First, that this 
 part of the world has actually heen peopled (Q.E.D.), to 
 support which we have living proofs in the numerous 
 tribes of Indians that inhabit it. Secondly, that it has 
 been peopled in five hundred different ways, as proved by 
 a cloud of authors, who, from the positiveness of their 
 assertions, seem to have been eye-witnesses to the fact. 
 Thirdly, that the people of this country had a variety of 
 fathers, which, as it may not be thought much to their 
 credit by the common run of readers, the less we say on 
 the subject the better. The question, therefore, I trust, 
 is for ever at rest. 
 
 CHAPTER V. 
 
 The writer of a history may, in some respects, be likened 
 ttato an adventurous knight, who having undertaken a 
 perilous enterprise by way of establishing his fame, feela 
 
HISTORY OF NEW YOEK. 
 
 57 
 
 bound, in honour and chivalry to turn back for no 
 difficulty nor hardship, and never to shrink or quail, 
 whatever enemy he may encounter. Under this impres- 
 sion, I resolutely draw my pen, and fall to with might 
 and main at those doughty questions and suljtle 
 paradoxes which, like fiery dragons and bloody giants, 
 beset the entrance to my history, and would fain repulse me 
 from the very threshold. And at this moment a gigantic 
 question has started up, which I must needs take by the 
 beard and utterly subdue before I can advance another 
 step in my historic undertaking ; but I trust this will be 
 the last adversary I shall have to contend with, and that 
 in the next book I shall be enabled to conduct my readers 
 in triumph into the body of my work. 
 
 The question which has thus suddenly arisen is, What 
 right had the first discoverers of America to land and 
 take possession of a country without first gaining the 
 consent of its inhabitants, or yielding them an adequate 
 compensation for their territory ? — a question which has 
 withstood many fierce assaults, and has given much 
 distress of mind to multitudes of kind-hearted folk. And 
 indeed, until it be totally vanquished, and put to rest, the 
 worthy people of America can by no means enjoy the soil 
 they inhabit with clear right and title, and quiet, 
 unsullied consciences. 
 
 The first source of right by which property is acquired 
 in a country is discovery. For as all mankind have an 
 equal right to anything which has never before been 
 appropriated, so any nation that discovers an unin- 
 habited coimtry, and takes possession thereof, is con- 
 sidered as enjoying full property, and absolute, unques- 
 tionable empire therein.* 
 
 This proposition being admitted, it follows clearly that 
 the Europeans who first visited America were the real 
 discoverers of the same ; nothing being necessary to the 
 » Grotius : Puffendorf, b. v. 4 ; Vattel, b. i. c. 18, &o. 
 
58 
 
 HISTORY OF NEW YOKK. 
 
 establishment of this fact but simply to prove that it 
 was totally uninhabited by man. This would at first 
 appear to be a point of some difficulty, for it is well 
 known that this quarter of the world abounded with 
 certain animals, that walked erect on two feet, had some- 
 thing of the human countenance, uttered certain unin- 
 telligible sounds, very much like language ; in short, had 
 a marvellous resemblance to human beings. But the 
 zealous and enlightened fathers who accompanied the 
 discoverers, for the purpose of promoting the kingdom of 
 heaven by establishing fat monasteries and bishoprics on 
 earth, soon cleared up this point, greatly to the satisfac- 
 tion of his holiness the Pope and of all Christian 
 voyagers and discoverers. 
 
 They plainly proved, and, as there were no Indian 
 writers arose on the other side, the fact was considered as 
 fully admitted and established, that the two-legged race 
 of animals before mentioned were mere cannibals, detest- 
 able monsters, and many of them giants — which last 
 description of vagrants have, since the times of Gog, 
 Magog, and G-oliath, been considered as outlaws, and have 
 received no quarter in either history, chivalry, or song. 
 Indeed, even the philosophic Bacon declared the Ameri- 
 cans to be people proscribed by the laws of nature, 
 inasmuch as they had a barbarous custom of sacrificing 
 men, and feeding upon man's flesh. 
 
 Nor are these all the proofs of their utter barbarism : 
 among many other writers of discernment, Ulloa tells us, 
 " their imbecility is so visible that one can hardly form 
 an idea of them different from what one has of the 
 brutes. Nothing disturbs the tranquillity of their souls, 
 equally insensible to disasters and to prosperity. Though 
 half naked, they are as contented as a monarch iu his 
 most splendid array. Fear makes no impression on 
 them, and respect as little." All this is furthermore 
 supported by the authority of M. Bouguer. "It is not 
 
HISTORY OP NEW TORK. J9 
 
 eapy," says he, " to describe the degree of their indiffer- 
 ence for wealth and all its advantages. One does not 
 well know what motives to propose to them when one 
 would persuade them to any service. It is vain to offer 
 them money ; they answer they are not hungry." And 
 Vanegas confirms the whole, assuring us that " ambition 
 they have none, and are more desirous of being thought 
 strong than valiant. The objects of ambition with us — 
 honour, fame, reputation, riches, posts, and distinctions — 
 are unknowii among them. So that this powerful spring 
 of action, the cause of so much seeming good and real- 
 evil in the world, has no power over them. In a word, 
 these unhappy mortals may be compared to children, in 
 whom the development of reason is not completed." 
 
 Now all these peculiarities, although in the unenlight- 
 ened states of Greece they would have entitled their 
 possessors to immortal honour, as having reduced to 
 practice those rigid and abstemious maxims, the mere 
 talking about which acquired certain old Greeks the 
 reputation of sages and philosophers; yet were they 
 clearly proved in the present instance to betoken a most 
 abject and brutified nature, totally beneath the human 
 character. But the benevolent fathers, who had under- 
 taken to turn these unhappy savages into dumb beasts 
 by dint of argument, advanced still stronger proofs ; for 
 as certain divines of the sixteenth century, and among 
 the rest Lullus, affirm, the Americans go naked, and 
 have no beards I " They have nothing," says Lullus, " of 
 the reasonable animal, except the mask." And even that 
 mask was allowed to avail them but little, for it was 
 soon found that they were of a hideous copper complexion 
 — and being of a copper complexion, it was all the same 
 as if they were negroes— and negroes are black, "and 
 black," said the pious fathers, devotedly crossing them- 
 selves, " is the colour of the devil ! " Therefore, so far 
 from being able to own property, they had no right even 
 
60 
 
 HISTORY OF NEW TOKK. 
 
 to personal freedom — for liberty is too radiant a doitj to 
 inhabit sucli gloomy temples. All which, circumstances 
 plainly convinced the righteous followers of Cortes and 
 Pizarro that these miscreants had no title to the soil that 
 they infested — that they were a perverse, illiterate, dumb, 
 beardless, Macli-seed — mere wild beasts of the forests, and, 
 like them, should either be subdued or exterminated. 
 
 From the foregoing arguments, therefore, and a variety 
 of others equally conclusive, which I forbear to en'amerate, 
 it is clearly evident that this fair quarter of the globe, 
 when first visited by Europeans, was a howling wilder- 
 ness, inhabited by nothing but wild beasts ; and that 
 the transatlantic visitors acquired an incontrovertible 
 property therein, iy the right of discovery. 
 
 This right being fully established, we now come to the 
 nest, which is the right acquired by cultivation. " The 
 cultivation of the soil," we are told, " is an obligation 
 imposed by nature on mankind. The whole world is 
 appointed for the nourishment of its inhabitants ; but it 
 would be incapable of doing it, was it uncultivated. 
 Every nation is then obliged by the law of nature to 
 cultivate the ground that has fallen to its share. Those 
 people, like the ancient Germans and modern Tartars, 
 who, having fertile countries, disdain to cultivate the 
 earth, and choose to live by rapine, are wanting to 
 themselves, and deserve to be exterminated as savage and 
 pernicious heasts." * 
 
 Now it is notorious that the savages knew nothing of 
 agriculture when first discovered by the Europeans, but 
 lived a most vagabond, disorderly, unrighteous life, ram- 
 bling from place to place, and prodigally rioting upon the 
 spontaneous luxuries of nature, without tasking her 
 generosity to yield them anything more ; whereas it has 
 been most unquestionably shown that Heaven intended 
 the earth should be ploughed, and sown, and manured, 
 * Vattel. b. i. ch. 17. 
 
HISTOBY OP NEW YORK. 
 
 61 
 
 and laid out into cities, and towns, and farms, and 
 country seats, and pleasure grounds, and public gardens, 
 all which the Indians knew nothing about — therefore, 
 they did not improve the talents Providence had bestowed 
 on them — therefore they were careless stewards — there- 
 fore, they had no right to the soil— therefore, they 
 deserved to be exterminated. 
 
 It is true the savages might plead that they drew aU 
 the benefits from the land which their simple wants 
 required — they found plenty of game to hunt, which, 
 together with the roots and uncultivated fruits of the 
 earth, furnished a sufficient variety for their frugal 
 repasts ; and that as Heaven merely designed the earth 
 to form the abode and satisfy the wants of man, so long 
 as those purposes were answered the will of Heaven was 
 accomplished. But this only proves how undeserving 
 they were of the blessings around them — they were so 
 much the more savages for not having more wants ; for 
 knowledge is in some degree an increase of desires, and 
 it is this superiority both in the number and magnitude 
 of his desires that distinguishes the man from the beast. 
 Therefore the Indians, in not having more wants, were 
 very unreasonable animals ; and it was but just that they 
 should make way for the Europeans, who had a thousand 
 wants to their one, and, therefore, would turn the earth to 
 more account, and by cultivating it more truly fulfil the 
 will of Heaven. Besides — Grotius and Lauterbach, and 
 PufEendorf , and Titius, and many wise men beside, who 
 have considered the matter properly, have determined 
 that the property of a country cannot be acquired by 
 hunting, cutting wood, or drawing water in it — nothing 
 but precise demarcation of limits, and the intention of 
 cultivation, can establish the possession. Now as the 
 Bavages (probably from never having read the authors 
 above quoted) had never complied with any of these 
 necessary forms, it plainly follows that they had no right 
 
62 
 
 HISTORY OF NEW YORK. 
 
 to the soil, but that it was completely at the disposal of 
 the first comers, who had more knowledge, more wants, 
 and more elegant, that is to say artificial, desires than 
 themselves. 
 
 In entering upon a newly discovered, uncultivated 
 country, therefore, the new comers were but taking 
 possession of what, according to the aforesaid doctrine, 
 was their own property — therefore in opposing them, the 
 savages were invading their just rights, infringing the 
 immutable laws of nature, and counteracting the will of 
 Heaven — therefore, they were guilty of impiety, burglary, 
 and trespass on the case — therefore, they were hardened 
 offenders against God and man — therefore, they ought to 
 be exterminated. 
 
 But a more irresistible right than either that I have 
 mentioned, and one which will be the most readily 
 admitted by my reader, provided he be blessed with 
 bowels of charity and philanthropy, is the right 
 acquired by civilisation. All the world knows the 
 lamentable state in which these poor savages were found. 
 Not only deficient in the comforts of life, but, what is 
 etill worse, most piteously and unfortunately blind to 
 the miseries of their situation. But no sooner did the 
 benevolent inhabitants of Europe behold their sad 
 condition than they immediately went to work to 
 ameliorate and improve it. They introduced among 
 them rum, gin, brandy, and the other comforts of life — 
 and it is astonishing to read how soon the poor savages 
 lea.m to estimat-e those blessings — they likewise made 
 kncwn to them a thousand remedies, by which the most 
 inveterate diseases are alleviated and healed ; and that 
 they might comprehend the benefits and enjoy the 
 comforts of these medicines, they previously introduced 
 among them the diseases which they were calculated to 
 cure. By these and a variety of other methods was the 
 condition of these poor savages wonderfuDy improved; 
 
HISTORY OF NEW YORB:. 
 
 63 
 
 they acquired a thousand wants of whicli ihej had before 
 been ignorant,, and as he has most sources of happiness 
 who has most wants to be gratified, they were doubtlessly 
 rendered a much happier race of beings. 
 
 But the most important branch of civilisation, and 
 which has most strenuously been extolled by the zealous 
 and pious fathers of the Romish Church, is the intro- 
 duction of the Christian faith. It was truly a sight that 
 might well inspire horror, to behold these savages 
 tumbling among the dark mountains of paganism, and 
 guilty of the most horrible ignorance of religion. It is 
 true, they neither stole nor defrauded ; they were sober, 
 frugal, continent, and faithful to their word ; but though 
 they acted right habitually, it was all in vain, unless 
 they acted so from precept. The new comers, therefore, 
 used every method to induce them to embrace and 
 practise the true religion— except, indeed, that of setting 
 them the example. 
 
 But notwithstanding all these complicated labours for 
 their good, such was the unparalleled obstinacy of these 
 stubborn wretches, that they ungratefully refused to ac- 
 knowledge the strangers as theii benefactors, and persisted 
 in disbelieving the doctrines they endeavoured to incul- 
 cate ; most insolently alleging that, from their conduct, 
 the advocates of Christianity did not seem to believe m it 
 t-hemselves. Was not this too much for human patience ? 
 Would not one suppose that the benign visitants from 
 Europe, provoked at their incredulity and discouraged by 
 their stiff-necked obstinacy, would for ever have 
 abandoned their shores, and consigned them to their 
 original ignorance and misery ? But no ; so zealous 
 were they to effect the temporal comfort and eternal 
 salvation of these pagan infidels that they even proceeded 
 from the milder means of persuasion to the more painful 
 and troublesome one of persecution— let loose among 
 them whole troops of fiery monks and furious blood. 
 
64 
 
 EISTOET OF NEW YOEK. 
 
 hounds — purified them by fire and sword, by stake aDd 
 faggot ; in consequence of which indefatigable measures 
 the cause of Christian love and charity was so rapidly 
 advanced that in a few years not one fifth of the number 
 of unbelievers existed in South America that were found 
 there at the time of its discovery. 
 
 What stronger right need the European settlers advance 
 to the country than this ? Have not whole nations of 
 uninformed savages been made acquainted with a thou- 
 sand imperious wants and indispensable comforts of 
 which they were before wholly ignorant ? Have they not 
 been literally hunted and smoked out of the dens and 
 lurking places of ignorance and infidelity, and absolutely 
 scourged into the right path ? Have not the temporal 
 things, the vain baubles and filthy lucre of this world, 
 which were too apt to engage their worldly and selfish 
 thoughts, been benevolently taken from them ; and 
 have they not, instead thereof, been taught to set their 
 affections on things above ? And finally, to use the 
 words of a reverend Spanish father, in a letter to his 
 superior in Spain : " Can any one have the presumption 
 to say that these savage pagans have yielded anything 
 more than an inconsiderable recompense to their bene- 
 factors, in surrendering to them a little pitiful tract ol 
 this dirty sublunary planet, in exchange for a glorious in- 
 heritance in the kingdom of heaven." 
 
 Here then are three complete and undeniable sources 
 of right established, any one of which was more than 
 ample to establish a property in the newly-discovered 
 regions of America. Now, so it has happened in certain 
 parts of this delightful quarter of the globe that the 
 right of discovery has been so strenuously asserted — ^the 
 influence of cultivation so industriously extended, and 
 the progress of salvation and civilisation so zealously 
 prosecuted ; that, what with their attendant wars, perse- 
 cutions, oppressions, diseases, and other partial evils that 
 
HISTORY OF NEW YORK. 
 
 65 
 
 often hang on the skirts of great benefits — the savage 
 aborigines have, somehow or other, been utterly anni- 
 hilated — and this all at once brings me to a fourth right, 
 which is worth all the others put together. For the 
 original claimants to the soil being all dead and buried, 
 and no one remaining to inherit or dispute the soil, the 
 Spaniards, as the next immediate occupants, entered upon 
 the possession as clearly as the hangman succeeds to the 
 clothes of the malefactor— and as they have Blackstone * 
 and all the learned expounders of the law on their side, 
 they may set all actions of ejectment at defiance— and 
 this last right may be entitled the right by extermination, 
 or in other words, the right by gunpowder. 
 
 But lest any scruples of conscience should remain on 
 this head, and to settle the question of right for ever, his 
 holiness Pope Alexander VI. issued a mighty Bull, by which 
 he generously granted the newly-discovered quarter of the 
 globe to the Spaniards and Portuguese ; who, thus having 
 law and gospel on their side, and being inflamed with 
 great spiritual zeal, showed the pagan savages neither 
 favour nor aif ection, but prosecuted the work of discovery, 
 colonisation, civilisation, and extermination with ten 
 times more fury than ever. 
 
 Thus were the European worthies who first discovered 
 America clearly entitled to the soil, and not only entitled 
 to the soil, but likewise to the eternal thanks of these infidel 
 savages, for having come so far, endured so many perils by 
 sea and land, and taken such unwearied pains, for no other 
 purpose but to improve their forlorn, uncivilised, and 
 heathenish condition ; for having made them acquainted 
 with the comforts of life ; for having introduced among 
 them the light of religion ; and, finally, for having hurried 
 them out of the world to enjoy its reward I 
 
 But as argument is never so well understood by us 
 selfish mortals as when it comes home to ourselves, and as 
 • Bl Com. b. ii. c 1. 
 
66 
 
 HISTOBT OF NEW YORK. 
 
 I am particularly anxious that this question should be 
 put to rest for ever, I will suppose a parallel case, by way 
 of arousing the candid attention of my readers. 
 
 Let us suppose, then, that the inhabitants of the moon, 
 by astonishing advancement in science, and by profound 
 insight into that ineffable lunar philosophy, the mere 
 fiickerings of which have of late years dazzled the f eebled 
 optics, and addled the shallow brains of the good people of 
 our globe — let us suppose, I say, that the inhabitants of the 
 moon, by these means, had arrived at such a command of 
 their energies, such an enviable state of perfectibility, as to 
 control the elements, and navigate the boundless regions 
 of space. Let us suppose a roving crew of these soaring 
 philosophers, in the course of an aerial voyage of dis- 
 covery among the stars, should chance to alight upon this 
 outlandish planet. 
 
 And here I beg my readers will not have the un- 
 charitableness to smile, as is too frequently the fault of 
 volatile readers, when perusing the grave speculations of 
 philosophers. I am far from indulging in any sportive 
 vein at present ; nor is the supposition I have been 
 making so wild as many may deem it. It has long been 
 a very serious and anxious question with me, and many a 
 time and oft, in the course of my overwhelming cares and 
 contrivances for the welfare and protection of this my 
 native planet, have I lain awake whole nights debating 
 in my mind whether it were most probable we should 
 first discover and civilise the moon, or the moon discover 
 and civilise our globe. Neither would the prodigy of 
 sailing in the air and cruising among the stars be a whit 
 more astonishing and incomprehensible to us than was 
 the European mystery of navigating floating castlea 
 through the world of waters to the simple savages. We 
 have already discovered the art of coasting along the 
 aerial shores of our planet by means of balloons, as the 
 savages had of venturing along their sea-coasts in canoes ; 
 
HISTORY OF NEW YOEK. 
 
 67 
 
 and the disparity between the former and the aerial 
 vehicles of the philosophers from the moon might not be 
 greater than that between the bark canoes of the savages 
 and the mighty ships of their discoverers. I might here 
 pursue an endless chain of similar speculations ; but as 
 they would be unimportant to my subject, I abandon 
 them to my reader, particularly if he be a philosopher, 
 as matters well worthy of his attentive consideration. 
 
 To return, then, to my supposition — let us suppose that 
 the aerial visitants I have mentioned, possessed of vastly 
 superior knowledge to ourselves — that is to say, possessed 
 of superior knowledge in the art of extermination — riding 
 on hippogrifiEs — defended with impenetrable armour — 
 armed with concentrated sunbeams, and provided with 
 vast engines, to hurl enormous moonstones ; in short, let 
 us suppose them, if our vanity will permit the supposi- 
 tion, as superior to us in knotvledge, and consequently in 
 power, as the Europeans were to the Indians when they 
 first discovered them. All this is very possible, it is only 
 our self-sufficiency that makes us think otherwise ; and I 
 warrant the poor savages, before they had any knowledge 
 of the white men, armed in all the terrors of glittering 
 steel and tremendous gunpowder, were as perfectly con- 
 vinced that they themselves were the wisest, the most 
 virtuous, powerful, and perfect of created beings, as are 
 at this present moment the lordly inhabitants of old 
 England, the volatile populace of France, or even the 
 self-satisfied citizens of this most enlightened republic. 
 
 Let us su*».pose, moreover, that the aerial voyagers, find- 
 ing this planet to be nothing but a howling wilderness, 
 inhabited by us poor savages and wild beasts, shall take 
 formal possession of it, in the name of his most gracious 
 and philosophic excellency, the Man in the Moon. Finding 
 however that their numbers are incompetent to hold it 
 in complete subjection, on account of the ferocious 
 barbarity of its inhabitants, they shall take our worthy 
 
68 
 
 HISTORY OF NEW YORK. 
 
 President, the King of England, the Emperor of Hayti, 
 tlie mighty Bonaparte; and the great King of Bantam, 
 and, returning to their native planet, shall carry them to 
 court, as were the Indian chiefs led about as spectacles 
 in the courts of Europe. 
 
 Then making such obeisance as the etiquette of the 
 court requires, they shall address the puissant Man in the 
 Moon in, as near as I can conjecture, the following 
 terms : — 
 
 " Most serene and mighty Potentate, whose dominions 
 extend as far as eye can reach, who rideth on the Great 
 Bear, useth the sun as a looking glass, and maintaineth 
 unrivalled control over tides, madmen, and sea-crabs. 
 We, thy liege stibjects, have just returned from a voyage 
 of discovery, in the course of which we have landed and 
 taken possession of that obscure little dirty planet, which 
 thou beholdest rolling at a distance. The five uncouth 
 monsters which we have brought into this august 
 presence were once very important chiefs among their 
 fellow-savages, who are a race of beings totally destitute 
 of the common attributes of humanity, and differing In 
 everything from the inhabitants of the moon, inasmuch 
 as they carry their heads upon their shoulders, instead of 
 under their arms — have two eyes instead of one— are 
 utterly destitute of tails, and of a variety of unseemly 
 complexions, particularly of horrible whiteness, instead 
 of pea-green. 
 
 "We have moreover found these miserable savages 
 sunk into a state of the utmost ignorance and depravity, 
 every man shamelessly living with his own wife, and 
 rearing his own children, instead of indulging in that 
 community of wives enjoined by the law of nature, as 
 expounded by the philosophers of the moon. In a word, 
 they have scarcely a gleam of true philosophy among 
 them, but are, in fact, utter heretics, ignoramuses, and 
 barbarians. Taking compassion, therefore, on the sad 
 
HISTORY OF NEW YORK. 
 
 69 
 
 conditicm of these sublunary wretches, we have en- 
 deavoured, while we remained on their planet, to introduce 
 among them the light of reason and the comforts of the 
 moon. We have treated them to mouthf uls of moonshinej 
 and draughts of nitrous oxide, which they swallowed 
 with incredible voracity, particularly the females ; and 
 we have likewise endeavoured to instil into them the 
 precepts of lunar philosophy. "We have insisted upon 
 their renouncing the contemptible shackles of religion 
 and common sense, and adoring the profound, omnipotent, 
 and all perfect energy, and the ecstatic, immutable, im- 
 movable perfection. But such was the unparalleled 
 obstinacy of these wretched savages that they persisted 
 in cleaving to their wives, and adhering to their religion, 
 and absolutely set at nought the sublime doctrines of the 
 moon— nay, among other abominable heresies they even 
 went so far as blasphemously to declare that this in- 
 effable planet was made of nothing more nor less than 
 green cheese ! " 
 
 At these words, the great Man in the Moon (being a 
 very profound philosopher) shall fall into a terrible 
 passion, and possessing equal authority over things 
 that do not belong to him, as did whilome his holiness the 
 Pope, shall forthwith issue a formidable Bull, specifying, 
 " That whereas a certain crew of Lunatics have lately dis- 
 covered and taken possession of a newly-discovered planet 
 called the earth ; and that whereas it is inhabited by none 
 but a race of two-legged animals that carry their heads 
 on their shoulders instead of under their arms ; cannot 
 talk the Lunatic language ; have two eyes instead of one ; 
 are destitute of tails, and of a horrible whiteness, instead 
 of pea-green — therefore, and for a variety of other excel- 
 lent reasons, they are considered incapable of possessing 
 any property in the planet they infest, and the right and 
 title to it are confirmed to its original discoverers. And, 
 furthermore, the colonists who are now about to depart 
 
 \ 
 
70 
 
 HISTOET OP NEW YORK. 
 
 to the aforesaid planet are authorised and ccmmanded to 
 use every means to convert these infidel savages from the 
 darkness of Christianity, and make them thorough and 
 absolute Lunatics." 
 
 In consequence of this benevolent Bull, our philosophic 
 benefactors go to work vfith hearty zeal. They seize 
 upon our fertile territories, scourge us from our right- 
 ful possessions, relieve us from our wives, and when we 
 are unreasonable enough to complain, they will turn 
 upon us and say, "Miserable barbarians ! ungrateful 
 wretches 1 have we not come thousands of miles to im- 
 prove your worthless planet 1 have we not fed you with 
 moonshine ? have we not intoxicated you with nitrous 
 oxide ? does not our moon give you light every night ? 
 and have you the baseness to murmur, when we claim a 
 pitiful return for all these benefits ? " But finding that we 
 not only persist in absolute contempt of their reasoning 
 and disbelief in their philosophy, but even go so far as 
 daringly to defend our property, their patience shall be 
 exhausted, and they shall resort to their superior powers 
 of argument ; hunt us with hippogriffs, transfix us with 
 concentrated sunbeams, demolish our cities with moon- 
 stones ; until having by main force converted us to the 
 true faith, they shall graciously permit us to exist in the 
 torrid deserts of Arabia, or the frozen regions of Lapland, 
 there to enjoy the blessings of civilisation and the charma 
 of lunar philosophy, in much the same manner as the re- 
 formed and enlightened savages of this country are 
 kindly suffered to inhabit the inhospitable forests of 
 the north, or the impenetrable wildernesses of South 
 America. 
 
 Thus, I hope, I have clearly proved, and strikingly 
 illustrated, the right of the early colonists to the posses- 
 sion of this country ; and thus is this gigantic question 
 completely vanquished : so having manfully surmounted 
 all obstacles, and subdued all opposition, what remaina 
 
HISTORY OF NEW fOBK. 
 
 71 
 
 but that I should forthwith conduct my readers into the 
 city which we have been so long in a manner besieging ? 
 But hold : before I proceed another step I must pause to 
 take breath, and recover from the excessive fatigue I have 
 undergone, in preparing to begin this most accurate of 
 histories. And in this I do but imitate the example of a 
 tenowned Dutch tumbler of antiquity, who took a start 
 fef three miles for the purpose of jumping over a hill, 
 but having run himself out of breath by the time he 
 reached the foot, sat himself quietly down for a few 
 moments to blow, and then walked over it at his leisure. 
 
 §5ook 
 
 TREATING OF THE FIRST SETTLEMENT OF THE PROVINCE 
 OP NIEUW NEDERLANDTS. 
 
 CHAPTER I. 
 
 My great-grandfather by the mother's side, Hermanns 
 Van Olattercop, when emploj^ed to build the large stone 
 church at Rotterdam, which stands about three hundred 
 yards to your left after you turn off from the Boomkeys, 
 and which is so conveniently constructed that all the 
 zealous Christians of Rotterdam prefer sleeping through 
 a sermon there to any other church in the city — my great- 
 grandfather, I say, when employed to build that famous 
 church, did in the first place send to Delft for a box of 
 long pipes ; then having purchased a new spitting-box 
 and a hundredweight of the best Virginia, he sat himself 
 down, and did nothing for the space of three months 
 but smoke most laboriously. Then did he spend full thi-ee 
 months more in trudging on foot, and voyaging in the 
 trekschuit, from Rotterdam to Amsterdam — to Delft — to 
 
72 
 
 HISTOBY OF NEW YOKE. 
 
 Haerlem— to Leyden— to the Hague, knocking his head 
 and breaking his pipe against every church in his road. 
 Then did he advance gradually nearer and nearer to 
 Rotterdam, until he came in full sight of the identical 
 spot whereon the church was to be built. Then did he 
 spend three months longer in walking round it and 
 round it ; contemplating it, first from one point of view 
 and then from another— now would he be paddled by it 
 on the canal— now would he peep at it through a tele- 
 scope, from the other side of the Mouse- and now would he 
 take a bird's-eye glance at it, from the top of one of 
 those gigantic windmills which protect the gates of the 
 city. The good folks of the place were on the tiptoe of 
 expectation and impatience — notwithstanding all the 
 turmoil of my great-grandfather, not a symptom of the 
 church was yet to be seen ; they even began to fear it 
 would never be brought into the world, but that its 
 great projector would lie down and die in labour of the 
 mighty plan he had conceived. At length, having oc- 
 cupied twelve good months in puffing and paddling, and 
 talking and walking— having travelled over all Holland, 
 and even taken a peep into France and Germany— having 
 smoked five hundred and ninety-nine pipes and three 
 hundredweight of the best Virginia tobacco— my great- 
 grandfather gathered together all that knowing and in- 
 dustrious class of citizens who prefer attending to any- 
 body's business sooner than their own, and having pulled 
 off his coat and five pair of breeches, he advanced sturdily 
 up, and laid the corner-stone of the church, in the pres.- 
 ence of the whole multitude— just at the commencement 
 of the thirteenth month. 
 
 In a similar manner, and with the example of my 
 worthy ancestor full before my eyes, have I proceeded in 
 writing this most authentic history. The honest Rotter- 
 dammers no doubt thought my great-grandfather was 
 doing nothing at all to the purpose, while he was making 
 
HISTORY OP NEW YORK. 
 
 73 
 
 auch a world of prefatory bustle about the building: of 
 his churcli ; and many of the ingenious inhabitants of 
 this fair city will unquestionably suppose that all the 
 preliminary chapters, with the discovery, population, and 
 final settlement of America, were totally irrelevant and 
 superfluous — and that the main business, the history of 
 New York, is not a jot more advanced than if I had never 
 taken up my pen. Never were wise people more mis- 
 taken in their conjectures. In consequence of going to 
 work slowly and deliberately, the church came out of my 
 grandfather's hands one of the most sumptuous, goodly, 
 and glorious edifices in the known world — excepting 
 that, like our magnificent capitol at Washington, it was 
 begun on so grand a scale that the good folk could not 
 afford to finish more than the wing of it. So, likewise, I 
 trust, if ever I am able to finish this work on the plan I 
 have commenced (of which, in simple truth, I sometimes 
 have my doubts), it will be found that I have pursued the 
 latest rules of my art, as exemplified in the writings of 
 all the great American historians, and wrought a very 
 large history out of a small subject — which nowadays, 
 is considered one of the great triumphs of historic skill. 
 To proceed, then, with the thread of my story. 
 
 In the ever-memorable year of our Lord, 1609, on 
 a Saturday morning, the five-and -twentieth day of March, 
 old style, did that " woi-thy and irrecoveraltle discoverer 
 (as he has justly been called), Master Henry Hudson," set 
 sail from Holland in a stout vessel called the Half Moon, 
 being employed by the Dutch East India Company to 
 seek a north-west passage to China. 
 
 Henry (or, as the Dutch historians call him, Hendrick) 
 Hudson was a seafaring man of renown, who had learned 
 to smoke tobacco under Sir Walter Raleigh, and is said to 
 have been the first to introduce it into Holland, which 
 gained him much popularity in that country, and caused 
 him to find great favour in the eyes of their High 
 
74 
 
 HISTORY OF NEW YORK. 
 
 Mightinesses tlie Lords States General, and also of the 
 Honourable West India Company. He was a short, 
 square, brawny old gentleman, with a double chin, a 
 mastiff mouth, and a broad copper nose, which was sup- 
 posed in those days to have acquired its fiery hue from 
 the constant neighbourhood of his tobacco pipe. 
 
 He wore a true Andrea Ferrara tucked in a leathern 
 belt, and a commodore's cocked hat on one side of his 
 head. He was remarkable for always jerking up hia 
 breeches when he gave out his orders, and his voice 
 sounded not unlike the brattling of a tin trumpet, owing 
 to the number of hard north-westers which he had 
 swallowed in the course of his seafaring. 
 
 Such was Hendrick Hudson, of whom we have heard so 
 much, and know so little ; and I have been thus particu- 
 lar in his description, for the benefit of modern painters 
 and statuaries, that they may represent him as he was ; 
 and not, according to their common custom with modern 
 heroes, make him look like Csesar, or Marcus Aurelius, or 
 the Apollo of Belvidere. 
 
 As chief mate and favourite companion, the commodore 
 chose Master Robert Juet, of Limehouse, in England. 
 By some his name has been spelt Cheioit, and ascribed to 
 the circumstance of his having been the first man that 
 ever chewed tobacco ; but this I believe to be a mere 
 flippancy ; more especially as certain of his progeny are 
 living at this day, who write their names Juet. He was 
 an old comrade and early schoolmate of the great Hudson, 
 with whom he had often played truant and sailed chip 
 boats in a neighbouring pond, when they were little 
 boys ; from whence, it is said, the commodore first 
 derived his bias towards a seafaring life. Certain it is 
 that the old people about Limehouse declared Robert 
 Juet to be an unlucky urchin prone to mischief, that 
 would one day or other come to the gallows. 
 
 He grew up as boys of that kind often grow up, a 
 
HISTORY OF NEW YOBK. 
 
 75 
 
 rambling, heedless varlet. tossed about in all quarters of 
 the world, meeting with more perils and wonders than 
 did Sinbad the Sailor, without growing a whit more wise, 
 prudent, or ill-natured. Under every misfortune he com- 
 forted himself with a quid of tobacco, and the truly philo- 
 sophic maxim that " it will be all the same thing a hun- 
 dred years hence." He was skilled in the art of carving 
 anchors and true lovers' knots on the bulk-heads and 
 quarter railings, and was considered a gi-eat wit on board 
 ship, in consequence of his playing pranks on everybody 
 around, and now and then even making a wry face at old 
 Hendrick when his back was turned. 
 
 To this universal genius are we indebted for many 
 particulars concerning this voyage, of which he wroto 
 a history, at the request of the commodore, who had an 
 unconquerable aversion to writing himself, from having 
 received so many floggings about it when at school. 
 To supply the deficiencies of Master Juet's journal, which 
 is written with true log-book brevity, I have availed 
 myself of divers family traditions, handed down from my 
 great-great-grandfather, who accompanied the expedition 
 in the capacity of cabin-boy. 
 
 From all that I can learn, few incidents worthy of 
 remark happened in the voyage ; and it mortifies me ex- 
 ceedingly that I have to admit so noted an expedition 
 into my work without making any more of it. 
 
 Suffice it to say, the voyage was prosperous and tran- 
 luil — the crew, being a patient people, much given to 
 slumber and vacuity, and but little troubled with the 
 disease of thinking — a malady of the mind, which is the 
 sure breeder of discontent. Hudson had laid in abun- 
 dance of gin and sour-krout, and eve^-y man was allowed 
 to sleep quietly at his post unless the wind blew. True 
 it is, some slight dissatisfaction was shown on two or three 
 occasions at certain unreasonable conduct of Commodore 
 Hudson. Thus, for instance, he forbore to shorten sail 
 
76 
 
 HISTORY OF NEW YORK. 
 
 when the wind was light and the weather serene, whitsh 
 was considered among the most experienced Dutch sea- 
 men as certain loeather -breeders, or prognostics, that the 
 weather would change for the worse. lie acted, moreover, 
 in direct contradiction to that ancient and sage rule of the 
 Dutch navigators, who always took in sail at night, put 
 the helm a-port, and turned in ; by which precaution 
 they had a good night's rest, were sure of knowing where 
 they were the next morning, and stood but little chance 
 of running down a continent in the dark. He likewise 
 prohibited the seamen from wearing more than five 
 jackets and six pair of breeches, under pretence of render- 
 ing them more alert ; and no man was permitted to 
 go aloft and hand in sails with a pipe in his mouth, as 
 is the invariable Dutch custom at the present day. All 
 these grievances, though they might ruffle for a moment 
 the constitutional tranquillity of the honest Dutch tars, 
 made but transient impression ; they ate hugely, drank 
 profusely, and slept immeasurably ; and being under the 
 especial guidance of Providence, the ship was safely con- 
 ducted to the coast of America ; where, after sundry un- 
 important touchings and standings off and on, she at 
 length, on the fourth day of September, entered that 
 majestic bay which at this day expands its ample bosom 
 before the city of New York, and which had never before 
 been visited by any European.* 
 
 * True It is, and I am not ignorant of the fact, that in a certain apo- 
 cryphal book of voyages, compiled by one Hackluyt, is to be found & 
 letter written to Francis the First, by one Giovanni, or John Verazzani, 
 on which some writers are inclined to found a belief that this deliglit- 
 ful bay had been visited nearly a century previous to the voyage of tlie 
 enterprising Hudson. Now this (albeit it has met with the counte- 
 nance of certain very judicious and learned men) I hold in utter dis- 
 ( belief, and that for various good and substantial reasons : First, 
 
 because on strict examination it will be found that tlie description 
 given by this Verazzani applies about as well to tlie bay of New York 
 as it does to my nightcap Saotwdly, because tliat this John Verazzani, 
 
HISTOEY OF NEW YORK. 
 
 77 
 
 It has been traditionary in our family that when the 
 great navigator was first blessed with a view of this 
 enchanting island, he was observed, for the first and only 
 time in his life, to exhibit strong symptoms of astonish- 
 ment and admiration. He is said to have turned to 
 master Juet, and uttered these remarkable words, while 
 he pointed towards this paradise of the new world— j 
 " See I there ! " — and thereupon, as was always his way 
 when he was uncommonly pleased, he did puff out such 
 clouds of dense tobacco smoke that in one minute the 
 vessel was out of sight of land, and Master Juet was fain 
 to wait until the winds dispersed this impenetrable fog. 
 
 " It was indeed," as my great-grandfather used to say, 
 though in truth I never heard him, for he died, as might 
 be expected, before I was bom — " it was indeed a spot on 
 which the eye might have revelled for ever, in ever new 
 and never-ending beauties." The island of Manna-hata 
 spread wide before them, like some sweet vision of 
 fancy, or some fair creation of industrious magic. 
 Its hills of smiling green swelled gently one above 
 another, crowned with lofty trees of luxuriant growth ; 
 
 for whom I already begin to feel a most bitter enmity, is a native 
 of Florence, and everybody knows the crafty wiles of these losel 
 Florentines, by which they filched away the laurels from the brows of 
 the immortal Colon (vulgarly called Columbus), and bestowed them 
 on their officious townsman, Amerigo Vespucci ; and I make no doubt 
 they are equally ready to rob the illustrious Hudson of the credit of 
 discovering this beauteous island, adorned by the city of New York 
 and placing it baside their usurped discovery of South America. And, 
 thirdly, I award my decision in favour of the pretensions of Hendrick 
 Hudson, inasmuch as his expedition sailed from Holland, being truly 
 and absolutely a Dutch enterprise ; and tliough all the proofs in the 
 world were introduced on the other side, I would set them at nought 
 as undeserving my attention. If these three reasons be not sufficient 
 to satisfy every burgher of this ancient city, all I can say is they are 
 degenerate descendants from their venerable Dutch ancestors, and 
 totally unworthy the trouble of convincing. Thus, therefore, the title 
 of Hendrick Hudson to his renowned discovery is fully vindicated. 
 
78 
 
 HISTORY OF NEW YORK. 
 
 some pointing their tapering foliage towards the clouds 
 which were gloriously transparent, and others loaded 
 with a yerdant burden of clambering vines, bowing 
 their branches to the earth that was covered with 
 flotvers. On the gentle declivities of the hills were 
 scattered in gay profusion the dog-wood, the sumach, 
 and the wild brier, whose scarlet berries and white 
 blossoms glowed brightly among the deep green of 
 the surrounding foliage ; and here and there a curling 
 column of smoke rising from the little glens that opened 
 along the shore seemed to promise the weary voyagers a 
 welcome at the hands of their fellow-creatures. As they 
 stood gazing with entranced attention on the scene 
 before them, a red man, crowned with feathers, issued 
 from one of these glens, and after contemplating in 
 silent wonder the gallant ship, as she sat like a stately 
 swan swimming on a silver lake, sounded the war-whoop, 
 and bounded into the woods like a wild deer, to the utter 
 astonishment of the phlegmatic Dutchmen, who had 
 never heard such a noise or witnessed such a caper in 
 their whole lives. 
 
 Of the transactions of our adventurers with the savages, 
 and how the latter smoked copper pipes and ate dried 
 currants ; how they brought great store of tobacco and 
 oysters ; how they shot one of the ship's crew, and how 
 he was baried, I shall say nothing, being that I consider 
 them unimportant to my history. After tarrying a few 
 days in the bay, in order to refresh themselves after their 
 seafaring, our voyagers weighed anchor, to explore a 
 mighty river which emptied into the bay. This river, 
 it is said, was known among the savages by the name of 
 the Shatemuck ; though we are assured in an excellent 
 little history published in 1674, by John Josselyn, gent., 
 that it was called the Mohegan ; * and Master Richard 
 
 ♦ This river is likewise laid down in Ogilvy's map as Manhattan— 
 Noordt, Montaigne, and Mauritius river. 
 
HISTORY OF NEW YOEK. 
 
 79 
 
 Eloome, wTio wrote some time afterwards, asserts the 
 same — so that I very much incline in favour of the 
 opinion of these two honest gentlemen. Be this as it 
 may, up this river did the adventurous Hendrick proceed, 
 little doubting but it would turn out to be the much- 
 looked-for passage to China ! 
 
 The journal goes on to make mention of divers inter- 
 views between the crew and the natives in the voyage 
 up the river ; but as they would be impertinent to my 
 history, I shall pass over them in silence, except the 
 following dry joke, played oif by the old commodore and 
 his schoolfellow Robert Juet, which does such vast 
 credit to their experimental philosophy that I cannot 
 refrain from inserting it. " Our master and his mate 
 determined to try some of the chiefe men of the countrey 
 whether they had any treacherie in them. So they tooke 
 them downe into the cabin, and gave them so much wine 
 and acqua vitse that they were all merrie ; and one of 
 them had his wife with him, which sate so modestly, as 
 any of our countrey women would do in a strange place. 
 In the end, one of them was drunke, which had been 
 aboarde of our ship all the time that we had been there, 
 and that was strange to them, for they could not tell how 
 to take it."* 
 
 Having satisfied himself by this ingenious experiment, 
 that the natives were an honest, social race of jolly 
 roysters, who had no objection to a drinking bout, and 
 were very merry in their cups, the old commodore 
 chuckled hugely to himself, and thrusting a double quid 
 of tobacco in his cheek, directed Master Juet to have it 
 carefully recorded, for the satisfaction of all the natural 
 philosophers of the University of Leyden — which done, 
 he proceeded on his voyage with great self-complacency. 
 After sailing, however, above a hundred miles up the 
 river, he found the watery world around him began to 
 * Juet's Joui n. Parch. PiL 
 
80 
 
 HISTOBY OF NEW YORK. 
 
 prow more shallow and confined, the current moro rapid 
 and perfectly fresh — phenomena not uncommon in the 
 ascent of rivers, but which puzzled the honest Dutchman 
 prodigiously. A consultation was therefore called, and 
 having deliberated full six hours, they were brought to 
 a determination by the ship's running aground — where- 
 upon they unanimously concluded that there was but 
 little chance of getting to China in this direction. A 
 boat, however, was despatched to explore higher up the 
 river, which, on its return, confirmed the opinion ; upon 
 this the ship was warped off and put about with great 
 difficulty, being, like most of her sex, exceedingly hard to 
 govern ; and the adventurous Hudson, according to the 
 account of my great-great-grandfather, returned down 
 the river — with a prodigious flea in his ear 1 
 
 Being satisfied that there was little likelihood of getting 
 to China, unless, like the blind man, he returned from 
 whence he set out, and took a fresh start, he forthwith 
 recrossed the sea to Holland, where he was received with 
 great welcome by the Honourable Bast India Company, 
 who were very much rejoiced to see him come back safe — 
 with their ship ; and at a large and respectable meeting 
 of the first merchants and burgomasters of Amsterdam 
 it was unanimously determined that, as a munificent 
 reward for the eminent services he had performed, and. 
 the important discovery he had made, the great rives' 
 Mohegan should be called after his name ; and it coe» 
 tinuea to be called Hudson River unto this very day. 
 
HIciTOBY OF NEW YORK. 
 
 81 
 
 CHAPTER II. 
 
 The delectable accounts given by the great Hudson and 
 Master Juet of the country they had discovered excited 
 not a little talk and speculation among the good people 
 of Holland. Letters patent were granted by Government 
 to an association of merchants, called the West India 
 Company, for the exclusive trade on Hudson River, 
 on which they erected a trading-house called Fort 
 Aurania, or Orange, from whence did spring the great 
 city of Albany. But I forbear to dwell on the various 
 commercial and colonising enterprises which took place ; 
 among which was that of Mynheer Adrian Block, who 
 discovered and gave a name to Block Island, since 
 famous for its cheese — and shall barely confine myself to 
 that which gave birth to this renowned city. 
 
 It was some three or four years after the return of the 
 immortal Hendrick that a crew of honest Low Dutch 
 colonists set sail from the city of Amsterdam for the 
 shores of America. It is an irreparable loss to history, 
 and a great proof of the darkness of the age, and the 
 lamentable neglect of the noble art of book-making, 
 since so industriously cultivated by knowing sea-captains 
 and learned supercargoes, that an expedition so interest- 
 ing and important in its results should be passed over in 
 utter silence. To my great-great-grandfather am I again 
 indebted for the few facts I am enabled to give con- 
 cerning it — he having once more embarked for this 
 country, with a full determination, as he said, of ending 
 his days here — and of begetting a race of Knickerbockers 
 that should rise to be great men in the land. 
 
 The ship in which these illustrious adventurers set sail 
 was called the Goede Vrouw, or good woman, in compli* 
 ment to the wife of the president of the West India 
 Company, who was allowed by everybody (except her 
 
82 
 
 HISTOET OP NEW YORK. 
 
 husband) to be a sweet-tempered lady — when not in 
 liquor. It was in truth, a most gallant vessel, of the 
 most approved Dutch, construction, and made by the 
 ablest ship-carpenters of Amsterdam, who, it is well 
 known, always model their ships after the fair forms of 
 their countrywomen. Accordingly it had one hundred 
 feet in the beam, one hundred feet in the keel, and one 
 hundred feet from the bottom of the stern-post to th§ 
 taffrail. Like the beauteous model, who was declared to 
 be t]ie greatest belle in Amsterdam, it was full in the 
 bows, with a pair of enormous cat-heads, a copper bottom, 
 and withal a most prodigious poop. 
 
 The architect, who was somewhat of a religious man, 
 far from decorating the ship with pagan idols, such as 
 Jupiter, Neptune, or Hercules (which heathenisk 
 abominations, I have no doubt, occasion the misfortunes 
 and shipwreck of many a noble vessel), he I say, on the 
 contrary, did laudably erect for a head, a goodly image of 
 St. Nicholas, equipped with a low, broad-brimmed hat, a 
 huge pair of Flemish trunk hose, and a pipe that reached 
 to the end of the bowsprit. Thus gallantly furnished, 
 the staunch ship floated sideways, like a majestic goose, 
 out of the harbour of the great city of Amsterdam, and 
 all the bells that were not otherwise engaged rung a 
 triple bobmajor on the joyful occasion. 
 
 My great-great-grandfather remarks, that the voyage 
 was uncommonly prosperous, for, being under the 
 especial care of the ever-revered St. Nicholas, the Goede 
 Vrouw seemed to be endowed with qualities unknown to 
 common vessels. Thus she made as much leeway as 
 headway, could get along very nearly as fast with the 
 wind a head as when it was a-poop, and was particularly 
 great in a calm ; in consequence of which singular 
 advantages she made out to accomplish her voyage in a 
 very few months, and came to anchor at the mouth of the 
 Hudson, a little to the east of Gibbet Island. 
 
HISTOKY OF NEW YORK. 
 
 83 
 
 Here lifting up their eyes they beheld, on what is at 
 present called the Jersey shore, a small Indian village, 
 pleasantly embowered in a grove of spreading elms, and 
 the natives all collected on the beach, gazing in stupid 
 admiration at the Goede Vrouw. A boat was im- 
 mediately despatched to enter into a treaty with them, 
 and, approaching the shore, hailed them through a 
 trumpet in the most friendly terms ; but so horribly con- 
 founded were these poor savages at the tremendous and 
 uncouth sound of the Low Dutch language that they one 
 and all took to their heels, and scampered over the 
 Bergen Hills ; nor did they stop until they had buried 
 themselves, head and ears, in the marches on the other 
 side, where they all miserably perished to a man ; and 
 their bones being collected and decently covered by the 
 Tammany Society of that day, formed that singular 
 mound called Rattlesnake Hill, which rises out of the 
 centre of the salt marshes a little to the east of the 
 Newark Causev/ay. 
 
 Animated Dy this unlooked-for victory, our valiant 
 heroes sprang ashore in triumph, took possession of the 
 soil as conquerors, in the name of their High Mightinesses 
 the Lords States General ; and marching fearlessly 
 forward, carried the village of Communipaw by storm, 
 notwithstanding that it was vigorously defended by some 
 half a score of old squaws and pappooses. On looking 
 about them they were so transported with the excellences 
 of the place that they had very little doubt the blessed 
 St. Nicholas had guided them thither as the very spot 
 whereon to settle their colony. The softness of the soil 
 was wonderfully adapted to the driving of piles ; the 
 8wamps and marshes around them afforded ample 
 opportunities for the constructing of dykes and dams ; 
 the shallowness of the shore was peculiarly favourable to 
 the building of docks ; in a word, this spot abounded 
 with all the requisites for the foundation of a great 
 
84 
 
 HISTORY OF NEW YORK. 
 
 Dutch City. On making a faithful report, therefore, to 
 the crew of the Goede Vrouw, they one and all deter- 
 mined that this was the destined end of their voyage. 
 Accordingly they descended from the Goede Vrouw, men, 
 women, and children, in goodly groups, as did the 
 animals of yore from the ark, and formed themselves into 
 a thriving settlement, which they called by the Indian 
 name Communipaw. 
 
 As all the world is doubtless perfectly acquainted with 
 Communipaw, it may seem somewhat superfluous to treat 
 of it in the present work ; but my readers will please to 
 recollect, that notwithstanding it is my chief desire to 
 satisfy the present age, yet I write likewise for posterity, 
 and have to consult the understanding and curiosity of 
 some half a score of centuries yet to come : by which 
 time, perhaps, were it not for this invaluable history, the 
 great Commanipaw, like Babylon, Carthage, Nineveh, 
 and other great cities, might be perfectly extinct — sunk 
 and forgotten in its own mud — its inhabitants turned 
 into oysters,* and even its situation a fertile subject; of 
 learned controversy and hard-headed investigation among 
 indefatigable historians. Let me, then, piously rescue from 
 oblivion the humble relics of a place which was the egg 
 from whence was hatched the mighty city of New York ! 
 
 Communipaw is at present but a small village, 
 pleasantly situated among rural scenery, on that beauteoua 
 part of the Jersey shore which was known in ancient 
 legends by the name of Pavonia,f and commands a grand 
 prospect of the superb bay of New York. It is within 
 but half an hour's sail of the latter place, provided you 
 have a fair wind, and may be distinctly seen from the 
 city. Nay, it is a well-known fact, which I can tdsti^y 
 from my own experience, that on a clear still summer 
 
 • Men by inaction degenerate into oysters.— Kaimes. 
 t Pavonia, in the ancient maps, is s^iven to a tract of country ex* 
 tending from about Hoboken to Ainbuy. 
 
HISTORY OP NEW YOEK. 
 
 85 
 
 evening you may hear from the battery of New York 
 the obstreperous peals of broad-mouthed laughter of the 
 Dutch negroes at Communipaw, who, like most other 
 negroes, are famous for their risible powers. This is 
 peculiarly the case on Sunday evenings, when, it is re- 
 marked by an ingenious and observant philosopher, who 
 has made great discoveries in the neighbourhood of this 
 city, that they always laugh loudest, which he attributes to 
 the circumstance of their having their holiday clothes on. 
 
 These negroes, in fact, like the monks in the dark ages, 
 engross all the knowledge of the place, and, being in- 
 finitely more adventurous, and more knowing than their 
 masters, carry on all the foreign trade,*making frequent 
 voyages to town in canoes loaded with oysters, butter- 
 milk, and cabbages. They are great astrologers, pre- 
 dicting the different changes of weather almost as 
 accurately as an almanac ; they are, moreover, exquisite 
 performers on three-stringed fiddles ; in whistling they 
 almost boast the far-famed powers of Orpheus's lyre, for 
 not a horse or an ox in the place, when at the plough or 
 before the waggon, will budge a foot until he hears the 
 well-known whistle of his black driver and companion. 
 And from their amazing skill at casting up accounts upon 
 their fingers they are regarded with as much veneration 
 as were the disciples of Pj'thagoras of yore when in- 
 itiated into the sacred quaternary of numbers. 
 
 As to the honest burghers of Communipaw, like wise 
 men and sound philosophers, they never look beyond their 
 pipes, nor trouble their heads about any affairs out of 
 their immediate neighbourhood ; so that they live in 
 profound and enviable ignorance of all the troubles, 
 anxieties, and revolutions of this distracted planet. I am 
 even told that many among them do verily believe that 
 Holland, of which they have heard so much from 
 tradition, is situated somewhere on Long Island ; that 
 Spiking-devil and the Narrows are the two ends of the 
 
88 HISTOET OF NEW TOEK. 
 
 world ; tliat the country is still under the dominion of 
 their High Mightinesses ; and that the city of New York 
 still goes by the name of Nieuw Amsterdam. They meet 
 every Saturday afternoon at the only tavern in the plaoe^ 
 which bears as a sign a square-headed likeness of the 
 Prince of Orange, where they smoke a silent pipe by way 
 of promoting social conviviality, and invariably drink a 
 mug of cider to the success of Admiral Van Tromp, whom 
 they imagine is still sweeping the British Channel with a 
 broom at his mast-head. 
 
 Communipaw, in short, is one of the numerous little 
 villages in the vicinity of this most beautiful of cities, 
 which are so many strongholds and fastnesses whither 
 the primitive manners of our Dutch forefathers have 
 retreated, and where they are cherished with devout and 
 scrupulous strictness. The dress of the original settlers 
 is handed down inviolate from father to son — the 
 identical broad-brimmed hat, broad-skirted coat, and 
 broad-bottomed breeches continue from generation to 
 generation ; and several gigantic knee-buckles of massy 
 silver are still in wear that made gallant display in the 
 days of the patriarchs of Communipaw. The language 
 likewise continues unadulterated by barbarous innova- 
 tions ; and so critically correct is the village schoolmaster 
 in his dialect that his reading of a Low Dutch psalm has 
 much the same effect on the nerves as the laliug of a 
 hand-saw. 
 
 CHAPTER III. 
 Havikg in the trifling digression which concluded the 
 last chapter discharged the filial duty which the city of 
 New York owed to Communipaw, as being the mother 
 eettlement ; and having given a faithful picture of it as 
 it stands at present, I return with a soothing sentiment 
 ^i' self -approbation to dwell upon its early history. The 
 
HISTORY OF NEW YORK, 
 
 87 
 
 crew of the Goede Vrouw being soon reinforced by fresh 
 importations from Holland, the settlement went jollily 
 on increasing in magnitude and prosperity. The neigh- 
 bouring Indians in a short time became accustomed to 
 the imcouth sound of the Dutch language, and an inter- 
 course gradually took place between them and the new 
 comers. The Indians were much given to long talks, 
 and the Dutch to long silence ; in this particular, there^ 
 fore, they accommodated each other completely. The 
 chiefs would make long speeches about the big bull, the 
 wabash, and the Great Spirit, to which the others would 
 listen very attentively, smoke their pipes, and grunt yah, 
 7)1 yn -her; whereat the poor savages were wondrously 
 delighted. They instructed the new settlers in the best 
 art of curing and smoking tobacco, while the latter in 
 return, made them drunk with true Hollands, and then 
 taught them the art of making bargains, 
 
 A brisk trade for furs was soon opened. The Dutch 
 traders were scrupulously honest in their dealings, and 
 purchased by weight, establishing it as an invariable 
 table of avoirdupois that the hand of a Dutchman 
 weighed one pound, and his foot two pounds. It is true 
 the simple Indians were often puzzled by the great dis- 
 proportion between bulk and weight, for let them place a 
 bundle of furs never so large in one scale, and a Dutch- 
 man put his hand or foot in the other, the bundle was 
 sure to kick the beam ; never was a package of furs 
 known to weigh more than two pounds in the market of 
 Communipaw ! 
 
 This is a singular fact ; but I have it direct from my 
 great-great-grandfather, who had risen to considerable 
 importance in the colony, being promoted to the office of 
 weigh-master, on account of the uncommon heaviness of 
 his foot. 
 
 The Dutch possessions in this part of the globe began 
 now to assume a very thriving appearance, and were 
 
88 
 
 HISTOBY OF NEW YORK. 
 
 comprehended tinder the general title of Nieuw Neder- 
 landts, on accotint, as the sage Vander Donck observes, of 
 their great resemblance to the Dutch Netherlands, whicU 
 indeed was truly remarkable, excepting that the former 
 was rugged and mountainous, and the latter level and 
 marshy. About this time the tranquillity of the Dutch 
 colonists was doomed to suffer a temporary interruption. 
 In 1614, Captain Sir Samuel Argal, sailing under a com- 
 mission from Dale, G-overnor of Virginia, visited the 
 Dutch settlements on Hudson River, and demanded their 
 submission to the English crown and Virginian dominion. 
 To this arrogant demand, as they were in no condition to 
 resist it, they submitted for the time, like discreet and 
 reasonable men. 
 
 It does not appear that the valiant Argal molested the 
 settlement of Communipaw ; on the contrary, I am told 
 that when his vessel first hove in sight, the worthy 
 burghers were seized with such a panic that they fell to 
 smoking their pipes with astonishing vehemence ; inso- 
 much that they quickly raised a cloud, which, combining 
 with the surrounding woods and marshes, completely en- 
 veloped and concealed their beloved village, and over- 
 hung the fair regions of Pavonia— so that the terrible 
 Captain Argal passed on, totally unsuspicious that a 
 sturdy little Dutch settlement lay snugly couched in the 
 mud, under cover of all this pestilent vapour. In com- 
 memoration of this fortunate escape, the worthy inhabit- 
 ants have contmued to smoke almost without intermis- 
 eion unto this very day, which is said to be the cause of 
 the remarkable fog which often hangs over Communi- 
 paw of a clear afternoon. 
 
 Upon the departure of the enemy our magnanimous 
 ancestors took full six months to recover their wind, 
 having been exceedingly discomposed by the consterna- 
 tion and hurry of affairs. They then called a council of 
 safety to smoke over the state of the province. At this 
 
HISTOEY OF NEW YORK. 
 
 89 
 
 council presided one Oloffe Van Kortlandt, who had origi- 
 aally been one of a set of peripatetic philosophers who 
 passed much of their time sunning themselves on the 
 side of the great canal of Amsterdam in Holland ; enjoy- 
 ing, like Diogenes, a free and unencumbered estate in 
 sunshine. His name Kortlandt (Shortland or Lackland) 
 was supposed, like that of the illustrious J ean Sansterre, 
 to indicate that he had no land ; but he insisted, on the 
 contrary, that he had great landed estates somewhere ia 
 Terra Incognita ; and he had come out to the new world 
 to look after them. 
 
 Like all land speculators, he was much given to dream- 
 ing. Never did anything extraordinary happen at Com- 
 munipaw but he declared that he had previously dreamt 
 it, being one of those infallible prophets who predict 
 events after they have come to pass. This supernatural 
 gift was as highly valued among the burghers of Pavonia 
 as among the enlightened nations of antiquity. The wise 
 Ulysses was more indebted to his sleeping than his waking 
 moments for his most subtle achievements, and seldom 
 undertook any great exploit without first soundly sleeping 
 upon it ; and the same may be said of OlofEe Van Kort- 
 landt, who was thence aptly denominated Oloffe the 
 Dreamer. 
 
 As yet his dreams and speculations had turned to little 
 personal profit ; and he was as much a lack-land as ever. 
 Still he carried a high head in the community : if hia 
 sugar-loaf hat was rather the worse for wear, he set it oflE 
 with a taller cock's tail ; if his shirt was none of the 
 cleanest, he pufEed it out the more at the bosom ; and if the 
 tail of it peeped out of a hole in his breeches, it at least 
 proved that it really had a tail and was not a mere ruffle. 
 
 The worthy Van Kortlandt, in the council in question, 
 urged the policy of emerging from the swamps of Com- 
 munipaw and seeking some more eligible site for the 
 seat of empire. Such, he said, was the advice of the good 
 
90 
 
 HISTORY OF NEW YOBK. 
 
 St. Nicholas, who had appeared to him in a dream the 
 night before, and whom he had known by his broad hat, 
 his long pipe, and the resemblance which he bore to the 
 figure on the bow of the Goede Vrouw. 
 
 Many have thought this dream was a mere invention 
 of OlofEe Van Kortlandt, who, it is said, had ever re- 
 garded Communipaw with an evil eye, because he had 
 arrived there after all the land had been shared out, and 
 who was anxious to change the seat of empire to some 
 new place, where he might be present at the distribution 
 of " town lots." But we must not give heed to such in- 
 sinuations, which are too apt to be advanced against 
 those worthy gentlemen engaged in laying out towns 
 and in other land speculations. 
 
 This perilous enterprise was to be conducted by Oloffe 
 himself, who chose as lieutenants, or coadjutors, Mjm- 
 heers Abraham Harden Broeck, Jacobus Van Zandt, and 
 Winant Ten Broeck — three indubitably great men, but of 
 whose history, although I have made diligent inquiry, I 
 can learn but little previous to their leaving Holland. 
 Nor need this occasion much surprise ; for adventurers, 
 like prophets, though they make great noise abroad, have 
 seldom much celebrity in their own countries ; but this 
 much is certain that the overflowings and offscourings 
 of a country are invariably composed of the richest parts 
 of the soil. And here I cannot help remarking how con- 
 venient it would be to many of our great men and great 
 families of doubtful origin, could they have the privilege 
 of the heroes of yore, who, whenever their origin was 
 involved in obscurity, modestly announced themselves 
 descended from a god, and who never visited a foreign 
 country but what they told some cock-and-bull stories 
 about their being kings and princes at home. This venal 
 trespass on the truth, though it has been occasionally 
 played off by some pseudo marquis, baronet, and other 
 illustrious foreigner, in our land of good-natured credulity, 
 
HISTORY OF NEW YORK. 
 
 91 
 
 has been completely discountenanced in this sceptical, 
 matter-of-fact age ; and I even question whether any 
 tender virgin, who was accidentally and tmaccountably 
 enriched with a bantling, would save her character 
 at parlour firesides and evening tea-parties by ascribing 
 the phenomenon to a swan, a shower of gold, or a river 
 god. 
 
 Had I the benefit of mythology and classic fable above 
 alluded to, I should have furnished the first of the trio 
 with a pedigree equal to that of the proudest hero of anti- 
 quity. His name, Van Zandt— that is to say, from the dirt 
 — gave reasons to suppose that, like Triptolemus, Themis, 
 the Cyclops, and the Titans, he had sprung from Dame 
 Terra or the Earth ! This supposition is strongly corrobo- 
 rated by his size, for it is well known that all the progeny 
 of Mother Earth were of a gigantic stature ; and Van 
 Zandt, we are told, was a tall, raw-boned man, above six 
 feet high, with an astonishingly hard head. 'Nor is this 
 origin of the illustrious Van Zandt a whit more impro- 
 bable or repugnant to belief than what is related and 
 universally admitted of certain of our greatest, or rather 
 richest, men, who we are told with the utmost gravity 
 did originally spring from a dunghill ! 
 
 Of the second of the trio but faint accounts have 
 reached to this time, which mention that he was a sturdy, 
 obstinate, worrying, bustling little man ; and, from being 
 usually equipped in an old pair of buckskins, was 
 familiarly dubbed Harden Broeck, or Tough Breeches. 
 
 Ten Broeck completed this junto of adventurers. It is 
 a singular but ludicrous fact, which, were I not scrupu, 
 lous in recording the whole truth, I should almost be 
 tempted to pass over in silence, as incompatible with the 
 gravity and dignity of history, that this worthy gentle- 
 man should likewise have been nicknamed from what in 
 modern times is considered the most ignoble part of the 
 dress. But, in truth, the small-clothes seems to have 
 
92 
 
 HISTOKT OF NEW YOKK. 
 
 been a very dignified garment in the eyes of our venerated 
 ancestors, in all probability from its covering that part 
 of the body which has been pronounced " the seat of 
 honour." 
 
 The name of Ten Broeck, or, as it was sometimes spelt, 
 Tin Broeck, has been indiiferently translated into Ten 
 Breeches and Tin Breeches, The most elegant and in- 
 genious writers on the subject declare in favour of Tin, 
 or rather Thin, Breeches ; whence they infer that the 
 original bearer of it was a poor but merry rogue, whose 
 galligaskins were none of the soundest, and who, perad ven- 
 ture, may have been the author of that truly philosophical 
 stanza : — 
 
 " Then why should we quarrel for riches, 
 Or any such glittering toys? 
 A light heart and thin pair of breetihes 
 Will go through the world, my brave boys 1 " 
 
 The High Dutch commentators, however, declare in 
 favour of the other reading, and affirm that the worthy 
 in question was a burly, bulbous man, who, in sheer os- 
 tentation of his venerable progenitors, was the first to 
 introduce into the settlement the ancient Dutch fashion 
 of ten pair of breeches. 
 
 Such was the trio of coadjutors chosen by Oloffe the 
 Dreamer to accompany him in this voyage into unknown 
 realms ; as to the names of his crews they have not been 
 handed down by history. 
 
 Having, as I before observed, passed much of his life in 
 the open air, among the peripatetic philosophers of" 
 Amsterdam, Oloffe had become familiar with the aspect 
 of the heavens, and could as accurately determine when a 
 storm was brewing or a squall rising as a dutiful hus- 
 band can foresee, from the brow of his spouse, when a 
 tempest is gathering about his ears. Having pitched 
 upon a time for his voyage, when the skies appeared pro- 
 pitious, he exhorted all his crews to take a good night's 
 
HISTOET OF NEW YOEK. 
 
 93 
 
 rest, wind up their family affairs, and make their wills ; 
 precautions taken by our forefathers, even in after times 
 when they became more adventurous, and voyaged to 
 Haverstraw, or Kaatskill, or Groodt Esopus, or any other 
 far country, beyond the great waters of the Tappan Zee, 
 
 CHAPTER lY. 
 AXD now the rosy blush of morn began to mantle in the 
 east, and soon the rising sun, emerging from amidst 
 golden and purple clouds, shed his blithesome rays on the 
 tin weathercocks of Communipaw. It was that delicious 
 season of the year when Nature, breaking from the 
 chilling thraldom of old winter, like a blooming damsel 
 from the tyranny of a sordid old father, threw herself, 
 blushing with ten thousand charms, into the arms of 
 youthful Spring. Every tufted copse and blooming 
 grove resounded with the notes of hymeneal love. The 
 very insects, as they sipped the dew that gemmed the 
 tender grass of the meadows, joined in the joyous epitha- 
 lamium— the virgin bud timidly put forth its blushes, 
 "the voice of the turtle was heard in the land," and the 
 heart of man dissolved away in tenderness. Oh, sweet 
 Theocritus 1 had I thine oaten reed, wherewith thou erst 
 did charm the gay Sicilian plains ; or, oh, gentle Bion I 
 thy pastoral pipe wherein the happy swains of the 
 Lesbian isle so much delighted, then might I attempt to 
 sing, in soft Bucolic or negligent Idyllium, the rural 
 beauties of the scene; but having nothing, save this 
 jaded goose-quill, wherewith to wing my flight, I must 
 fain resign all poetic disportings of the fancy, and pursue 
 my narrative in humble prose ; comforting myself with 
 the hope, that though it may not steal so sweetly upon 
 the imagination of my reader, yet it may commend itself, 
 with virgin modesty, to his better judgment, clothed la 
 the chaste and simple garb of truth. 
 
94: 
 
 HISTORY OF NEW YOEK. 
 
 No sooner did the first rays of cheerful Phoebus dart 
 into the windows of Communipaw than the little settle- 
 ment was all in motion. Forth issued from his castle the 
 sage Van Kortlandt, and seizing a conch shell, blew a far- 
 resounding blast, that soon summoned all his lusty fol- 
 lowers. Then did they trudge resolutely down to the water 
 side, escorted by a multitude of relatives and friends, who 
 all went down, as the common phrase expresses it, " to see 
 them off." And this shows the antiquity of those long 
 family processions, often seen in our city, composed of all 
 ages, sizes, and sexes, laden with bundles and bandboxes^ 
 escorting some bevy of country cousins about to depart 
 for home in a market-boat. 
 
 The good Oloife bestowed his forces in a squadron of 
 three canoes, and hoisted his flag on board a little round 
 Dutch boat, shaped not unlike a tub, which had formerly 
 been the jolly-boat of the Goede Vrouw. And now, all 
 being embarked, they bade farewell to the gazing throng 
 upon the beach, who continued shouting after them, even 
 when out of hearing, wishing them a happy voyage, ad- 
 vising them to take good care of themselves, not to get 
 drowned — with, an abundance of other of those sage and 
 invaluable cautions generally given by landsmen to such 
 as go down to the sea in ships, and adventure upon the 
 deep waters. In the meanwhile the voyagers cheerily 
 urged their course across the crystal bosom of the bay, 
 and soon left behind them the green shores of ancient 
 Pavonia. 
 
 And first they touched at two small islands which lie 
 nearly opposite Commiinipaw, and which are said to have 
 been brought into existence about the time of the great 
 irruption of the Hudson, when it broke through the 
 Highlands and made its way to the ocean.* For, in this 
 
 * ft is a matter long since established by certain of our philosophers, 
 tliat is to say, having been often advanced and never contradicted, it 
 has grown to be pretty nigh equal to a settled fact, that the Hudson 
 
HISTORY OF NKW YORK. 
 
 95 
 
 tremenrIou=! uproar of the waters we are told that many 
 huge fragments of rock and land were rent from the 
 mountains and swept down by this runaway river, for 
 sixty or seventy miles ; where some of them ran aground 
 on the shoals just opposite Communipaw, and formed the 
 identical islands in question, while others drifted out to 
 sea, and were never heard of more. A sufficient proof of 
 the fact is, that the rock which forms the bases of these 
 islands is exactly similar to that of the Highlands ; and 
 moreover, one of our philosophers, who has diligently 
 compared the agreement of their respective surfaces, has 
 even gone so far as to assure me, in confidence, that Gib- 
 bet Island was originally nothing more nor less than a 
 wart on Anthony's nose.* 
 
 Leaving these wonderful little isles, they next coasted 
 hy Governor's Island, since terrible from its frowning 
 fortress and grinning batteries. They would by no 
 means, however, land upon this island, since they doubted 
 much it might be the abode of demons and spirits, which 
 in those days did greatly abound throughout this'savao-e 
 and pagan country. ° 
 
 Just at this time a shoal of jolly porpoises came rolling 
 and tumbling by, turning up their sleek sides to the sun 
 and spouting up the briny element in sparkling showers' 
 No sooner did the sage Oloffe mark this than he was 
 greatly rejoiced. "This," exclaimed he, "if I mistake 
 not, augurs well— the porpoise is a fat, well-conditioned 
 fish— a burgomaster among fishes— his looks betoken 
 
 was originally a lake dammed up by the mountains of the Highlands 
 In process of time, however, becoming very mighty and obstreperous' 
 and the mountains waxing pursy, dropsical, and weali in the back bv 
 reason of their extreme old age, it suddenly rose upon them and after 
 a violent struggle effected its escape. This is said to have come to 
 pass m very remote time, probably before that rivers had lost the art 
 of running up hill. The foregoing is a theory in which I do not pre- 
 tend to be skilled, notwithstanding tliat I do fully givj it my beliefc 
 * A promontory in the Highlands. 
 
9f5 HISTORY OF NEW YORK. 
 
 ease, plenty, and prosperity. I greatly admire this round 
 fat fish, and doubt not but this is a happy omen of the 
 success of our undertaking." So saying, he directed hia 
 squadron to steer in the track of these alderman fishes. 
 
 Turning, therefore, directly to the left, they swept up 
 the strait, vulgarly called the East River. And here the 
 rapid tide which courses through this strait, seizing on 
 the gallant tub in which Commodore Van Kortlandt had 
 embarked, hurried it forward with a velocity unparalleled 
 in a Dutch boat, navigated by Dutchmen ; insomuch that 
 the good commodore, who had all his life long been 
 accustomed only to the drowsy navigation of canals, was 
 more than ever convinced that they were in the hands of 
 some supernatural power, and that the jolly porpoises 
 were towing them to some fair haven that was to fulfil 
 all their wishes and expectations. 
 
 Thus borne away by the resistless current, they doubled 
 that boisterous point of land since called Corlear's Hook,* 
 and leaving to the right the rich winding cove of the 
 Wallabout, they drifted into a magnificent expanse of 
 water, surrounded by pleasant shores, whose verdure 
 was exceedingly refreshing to the eye. While the 
 voyagers were looking around them, on what they con- 
 ceived to be a serene and sunny lake, they beheld at a 
 distance a crew of painted savages busily employed in 
 fishing, who seemed more like the genii of this romantic 
 region— their slender canoe lightly balanced like a 
 feather on the undulating surface of the bay. 
 
 At sight of these the hearts of the heroes of Com- 
 munipaw were not a little troubled. But as good 
 fortune would have it, at the bow of the commodore's 
 boat was stationed a very valiant man, named Hendrick 
 Kip (which, being interpreted, means chicken, a name 
 given him in token of his courage). No sooner did he 
 behold these varlet heathens, than he trembled with 
 » Properly spelt Hoeck (i.e. a point of laud). 
 
HISTORY OP NEW TOEK. 
 
 97 
 
 excessive valour, and although a good half mile distant, 
 he seized a musketoon that lay at hand, and turning 
 away his head, fired it most intrepidly in the face of the 
 blessed sun. The blundering weapon recoiled, and gave 
 the valiant Kip an ignominious kick, which laid him 
 prostrate Avith uplifted heels in the bottom of the boat. 
 But such was the effect of this tremendous fire, that the 
 wild men of the woods, struck with consternation, 
 seized hastily upon their paddles, and shot away into 
 one of the deep inlets of the Long Island shore. 
 
 This signal victory gave new spirits to tht- voyagers, 
 and in honour of the achievement they gave the name of 
 the valiant Kip to the surrounding bay, and it has 
 continued to be called Kip's Bay from that time to the 
 present. The heart of the good Van Kortlandt — who, 
 having no land of his own, was a great admirer of other 
 people's— expanded to the full size of a peppsrcorn at 
 the siimptuous prospect of rich unsettled country around 
 him, and falling into a delicious reverie, he straightway 
 began to riot in the possession of vast meadows of salt 
 marsh and interminable patches of cabbages. From this 
 delectable vision he was all at once awakened by the sudden 
 turning of the tide, which would soon have hurried him 
 from this land of promise, had not the discreet navigator 
 given signal to steer for shore ; where they accordingly 
 landed hard by the rooky heights of Bellevue — that 
 happy retreat where our jolly aldermen eat for the good 
 of the city, and fatten the turtle that are sacrificed on 
 civic solemnities. 
 
 Here, seated on the green-sward, by the side of a small 
 stream that ran sparkling among the grass, they re- 
 freshed themselves after the toils of the seas by feasting 
 lustily on the ample stores which they had provided for 
 this perilous voyage Thus having well fortified their 
 deliberative powers, they fell into an earnest consulta- 
 tion what was further to be done. This was the first 
 
98 
 
 JISTOKY OF NEW YOEK. 
 
 council dinner ever eaten at Bellevue by Christian 
 burghers ; and here, as tradition relates, did originate 
 the great family feud between the Hardenbroecks and 
 the Tenbroecks, which afterwards had a singular in- 
 fluence on the building of the city. The sturdy Harden 
 Broeck, whose eyes had been wondrously delighted with 
 the salt 'marshes which spread their reeking bosoms 
 along the coast, at the bottom of Kip's Bay, counselled 
 by all means to return thither, and found the intended 
 city. This was strenuously opposed by the unbending 
 Ten Broeck, and many testy arguments passed between 
 them. The particulars of this controversy have not 
 reached us, which is ever to be lamented ; this much is 
 certain, that the sage Oloffe put an end to the dispute, 
 by determining to explore still farther in the route 
 which the mysterious porpoises had so clearly pointed 
 out ; whereupon the sturdy Tough Breeches abandoned 
 the expedition, took possession of a neighbouring hill, 
 and in a fit of great wrath peopled all that tract of 
 country, which has continued to be inhabited by the 
 Hardenbroecks unto this very day. 
 
 By this time the jolly Phosbus, like some wanton 
 urchin sporting on the side of a green hill, began to roll 
 down the declivity of the heavens ; and now, the tide 
 having once more turned in their favour, the Pavonians 
 again committed themselves to its discretion, and coast- 
 ing along the western shores, were borne towards the 
 straits of Blackwell's Island. 
 
 And here the capricious wanderings of the current 
 occasioned not a little marvel and perplexity to these 
 illustrious mariners. Now would they be caught by the 
 wanton eddies, and, sweeping round a jutting point, 
 would wind deep into some romantic little cove, that 
 indented the fair island of Manna-hata ; now were they 
 hurried narrowly by the very bases of impending rocks, 
 mantled with the flaunting grape-vine, and crowned with 
 
HISTORY OF NEW YORK. 
 
 99 
 
 groves, which threw a broad shade on the waves beneath ; 
 and anon they were borne away into the mid-channel and 
 wafted along with a rapidity that very much discomposed 
 the sage Van Kortlandt, who, as he saw the land swiftly 
 receding on either side, began exceedingly to doubt that 
 terra firma was giving them the slip. 
 
 "Wlierever the voyagers turned their eyes a new creation 
 seemed to bloom around. No signs of human thrift 
 appeared to check the delicious wildness of Nature, who 
 here revelled in all her luxuriant variety. Those hills, 
 now bristled, like the fretful porciipine, with rows of 
 poplars (vain upstart plants ! minions of wealth and 
 fashion I), were then adorned with the vigorous natives 
 of the soil — the lordly oak, the generous chestnut, the 
 graceful elm — while here and there the tulip-tree reared 
 its majestic head, the giant of the forest. Where now 
 are seen the gay retreats of luxury — villas half buried in 
 twilight bowers, whence the amorous flute oft breathes 
 the sighings of some city swain — there the fish-hawk 
 built his solitary nest, on some dry tree that overlooked 
 his watery domain. The timid deer fed undisturbed 
 along those shores now hallowed by the lover's moonlight 
 walk, and printed by the slender foot of beauty ; and a 
 savage solitude extended over those happy regions, 
 where now are reared the stately towers of the Joneses, 
 the Schermerhornes, and the Rhinelanders. 
 
 Thus gliding in silent wonder through these new and 
 unknown scenes, the gallant squadron of Pavonia swept 
 by the foot of a promontory, which strutted forth boldly 
 into the waves, and seemed to frown upon them as they 
 brawled against its base. This is the bluff well known 
 to modern mariners by the name of Grade's Point, from 
 the fair castle which, like an elephant, it carries upon its 
 back. And here broke upon their view a wild and 
 varied prospect, where land and water were beauteously 
 intermingled, as though they had combined to heighten 
 
100 
 
 HISTORY OF NEW TOKK. 
 
 and set off each other's charms. To their right la,y tha 
 sedgy point of Blackwell's Island, dressed in the fresh 
 garniture of living green ; beyond it stretched the 
 pleasant coast of Sundswick, and the small harbour well 
 known by the name of Hallet's Cove — a place infamous 
 in latter days, by reason of its being the haunt of pirates 
 who infest these seas, robbing orchards and water-melon 
 patches, and insulting gentlemen navigators when 
 voyaging in their pleasure boats. To the left a deep 
 bay. or rather creek, gracefully receded between shores 
 fringed with forests, and forming a kind of vista, 
 through which were beheld the sylvan regions of Haer- 
 lem, Morrissania, and East Chester. Here the eye reposed 
 with delight on a richly wooded country, diversified by 
 tufted knolls, shadowy intervals, and waving lines of 
 upland, swelling above each other ; while over the 
 whole the purple mists of spring diffused a hue of soft 
 voluptuousness. 
 
 Just before them the grand course of the s stream, 
 making a sudden bend, wound among embowered pro- 
 montories and shores of emerald verdure that seemed to 
 melt into the wave. A character of gentleness and mild 
 fertility prevailed around. The sun had just descended, 
 and the thin haze of twilight, like a transparent veil 
 drawn over the bosom of virgin beauty, heightened the 
 ■»Jiarms which it half concealed. 
 
 Ah ! witching scenes of foul delusion ! Ah 1 hapless 
 voyagers, gazing with simple wonder on these Circean 
 shores ! Such, alas ! are they, poor easy souls, who listen 
 to the seductions of a wicked world ; treacherous are its 
 smiles, fatal its caresses ! He who yields to its entice- 
 ments launches upon a whelming tide, and trusts his 
 feeble bark among the dimpling eddies of a whirl]50ol ! 
 And thus it fared with the worthies of Pavonia, who, 
 little mistrusting the guileful scene before them, drifted 
 quietly on, until they were aroused by an uncommon 
 
HISTORY OF NEW YOEK. 
 
 101 
 
 tossiug and agitation of their vessels. For now the late 
 dimpling current began to brawl around them, and the 
 waves to boil and foam with horrific fury. Awakened 
 as if from a dream, the astonished Olofife bawled aloud 
 to put about, but his words were lost amid the roaring 
 of the waters. And now ensued a scene of direful con- 
 st«rnation. At one time they were borne with dreadful 
 velocity among tumultuous breakers ; at another, hurried 
 down boisterous rapids. Now they were nearly dashed 
 upon the Hen and Chickens (infamous rooks ! more 
 voracious than Scylla and her whelps) ; and anon they 
 seemed sinking into yawning gulfs, that threatened to 
 entomb them beneath the waves. All the elements 
 combined to produce a hideous confusion. The waters 
 raged— the winds howled— and as they were hurried 
 along several of the astonished mariners beheld the 
 rocks and trees of the neighbouring shores driving 
 through the air ! 
 
 At length the mighty tub of Commodore Van Eort- 
 landt was drawn into the vortex of that tremendous 
 whirlpool called the Pot, where it was whirled alout in 
 giddy mazes, until the senses of the good commandler and 
 his crew were overpowered by the horror of the scene, 
 and the strangeness of the revolution. 
 
 How the gallant squadron of Pavonia was snatched 
 from the jaws of this modern Charybdis has never been 
 truly made known, for so many survived to tell the tale, 
 and,, what is still more wonderful, told it in so many 
 different ways, that there has ever prevailed a great 
 variety of opinions on the subject. 
 
 As to the commodore and his crew, when they came to 
 their senses they found themselves stranded on the Long 
 Island shore. The worthy commodore, indeed, used to 
 relate many and wonderful stories of his adventures in 
 this time of peril ; how that he saw spectres flying in the 
 air, and heard the yelling of hobgoblins, and put hia 
 
102 
 
 HISTORY OF NEW TOEK. 
 
 hand into the pot when they were whirled round, and 
 found the water scalding hot, and beheld several uncouth- 
 looking beings seated on rocks and skimming it with 
 huge ladles ; but particularly he declared with great 
 exultation, that he saw the losel porpoises, which had 
 betrayed them into this peril, some broiling on the 
 G-ridiron, and others hissing on the Frying-pan I 
 
 These, however, were considered by many as mere 
 phantasies of the commodore, while he lay in a trance, 
 especially as he was known to be given to dreaming ; and 
 the truth of them has never been clearly ascertained. It 
 is certain, however, that to the accounts of Oloffe and his 
 followers may be traced the various traditions handed 
 down of this marvelloiis strait — as how the devil has been 
 seen there, sitting astride of the Hog's Back and playing 
 on the fiddle — how he broils fish there before a storm ; 
 and many other stories, in which we mnst be cautious of 
 putting too much faith. In consequence of all these 
 terrific circumstances, the Pavonian commander gave this 
 pass the name of Helle-gat, or, as it has been interpreted, 
 Hell-gate * ; which it continues to bear at the present 
 day. 
 
 * This is a narrow strait in the Sound, at the distance of six miles 
 above New York. It is dangerous to shipping, unless under the carf 
 of skilful pilots, by reason of numerous rocks, shelves, and whirl 
 pools. These have received sundry appellations, such as the Gridiron 
 Frying-pan, Hog's Back, Pot, &c., and are very violent and turbulent 
 at certain times of tide. Certain mealy-mouthed men, of squeamisl 
 consciences, who are loth to give the devil his due, have softened th» 
 above characteristic name into Hurl-gate, forsooth ! Let those take 
 care how they venture into the Gate, or they may be hurled into the 
 Pot before they are aware of it. The name of this strait, as given by 
 our author, is supported by the map in Vander Donck's history, pub- 
 lished in 1656— by Ogilvie's History of America, 1671— as also by a 
 joui-iial still extant, written in the 16tli century, and to be found in 
 Hazard's State Papers. And an old MS. written in French, speaking of 
 various alterations in names about this city, observes, "De Helia- 
 gat, trou d'Enfer, ils ont fait Hell-gate, porte d'Eufer." 
 
HISTORY OV NEW TOEK. 
 
 lOS 
 
 CHAPTER V. 
 
 The darkness of night had closed upon this disastrous 
 day, and a doleful night was it to the shipwrecked Pavo- 
 nians, whose ears were incessantly assailed with the 
 raging of the elements, and the howling of the hob- 
 goblins that infested this perfidious strait. But when 
 the morning dawned the horrors of the preceding even- 
 ing had passed away, rapids, breakers, and whirlpools 
 had disappeared, the stream again ran smooth and dim- 
 pling, and having changed its tide, rolled gently back 
 towards the quarter vrhere lay their much-regretted 
 home. 
 
 The woe-begone heroes of Communipaw eyed each other 
 with rusful countenances ; their squadron had been to- 
 tally dispersed by the late disaster. Some were cast upon 
 the -western shore, where, headed by one Ruleff Hopper, 
 they took possession of all the country lying about the 
 six-mile-stone, which is held by the Hoppers at this 
 present writing. 
 
 The Waldrons were driven by stress of weather to a 
 distant coast, where, having with them a jug of genuine 
 Hollands, they were enabled to conciliate the savages, 
 setting up a kind of tavern ; whence, it is said, did spring 
 the fair town of Haerlem, in which their descendants 
 have ever since continued to be reputable publicans. As 
 to the Suydams, they were thrown upon the Long Island 
 coast, and may still be found in those parts. But the 
 most singular luck attended the great Ten Broeck. -vho, 
 falling overboard, was miraculously preserved from sink- 
 ing by the multitude of his nether garments. Thus buoyed 
 up, he floated on the waves like a merman, or like an 
 angler's dobber, until he landed safely on a rock, where 
 he was found the next morning busily drying his many 
 breeches in the sunshine. 
 I forbear to treat of the long consultation of Oloffe 
 
104 
 
 HISTORY OF NEW YORK. 
 
 with his remaining' followers, in which they determined 
 that it would never do to found a city in so diabolical a 
 neighbourhood. SuiHce it in simple brevity to say, that 
 fchey once more committed themselves, with fear and 
 trembling, to the briny element, and steered their course 
 back again through the scenes of their yesterday's voyage, 
 determined no longer to roam in search of distant sites, 
 but to settle themselves down in the marshy regions of 
 Pavonia. 
 
 Scarce, however, had they gained a distant view of 
 Communipaw, when they were encountered by an obsti- 
 nate eddy, which opposed their homeward voyage. 
 Weary and dispirited as they were, they yet tugged a feeble 
 oar against the stream ; until, as if to settle the strife, 
 half a score of potent billows rolled the tub of Commo- 
 dore Van Kortlandt high and dry on the long point of an 
 island which divided the bosom of the bay. 
 
 Some pretend that these billows were sent by old Nep- 
 tune to strand the expedition on a spot whereon was to 
 be founded his stronghold in this western world ; others, 
 more pious, attribute everything to the guardianship of 
 the good St. Nicholas ; and after events will be found to 
 corroborate this opinion. Oloife Van Kortlandt was a 
 devout trencherman. Every repast was a kind of religious 
 rite with him ; and his first thought on finding him once 
 more on dry ground was how he should contrive to cele- 
 brate his wonderful escape from Hell-gate and all its 
 horrors by a solemn banquet. The stores which had been 
 provided for the voyage by the good housewives of Com- 
 munipaw were nearly exhausted ; but in casting his 
 eyes about the commodore beheld that the shore abounded 
 with oysters. A great store of these was instantly col- 
 lected ; a fire was made at the foot of a tree ; all hands 
 fell to roasting, and broiling, and stewing, and frying, 
 and a .sumptuous repast was soon set forth. This is 
 thought to be the origin of those civic feasts with which. 
 
HISTORY OF NEW YORK. 
 
 105 
 
 to the present day, all our public affairs are celebrated, 
 and in which the oyster is ever sure to play an important 
 part. 
 
 On the present occasion the worthy Van Kortlandt was 
 observed to be particularly zealous in his devotions to the 
 trencher ; for having the cares of the expedition espe- 
 cially committed to his care he deemed it incumbent on 
 him to eat profoundly for the public good. In propor- 
 tion as he filled himself to the very brim with the dainty 
 viands before him did the heart of this excellent burgher 
 rise up towards his throat, until he seemed crammed and 
 almost choked with good eating and good nature. And 
 at such times it is, when a man's heart is in his throat, 
 that he may more truly be said to speak from ifc, and his 
 speeches abound with kindness and good fellowship. 
 Thus, having swallowed the last possible morsel, and 
 washed it down with a fervent potation, Oloffe felt his 
 heart yearning, and his whole frame in a manner dilating 
 with unbounded benevolence. Everything around him 
 seemed excellent and delightful ; and laying his hands 
 on each side of his capacious periphery, and rolling his 
 half -closed eyes around on the beautiful diversity of land 
 and water before him, he exclaimed, in a fat, half- 
 smothered voice, " What a charming prospect I " The 
 words died away in his throat— he seemed to ponder on 
 the fair scene for a moment — his eyelids heavily closed 
 over their orbs — his head drooped upon his bosom— ht 
 slowly sank upon the green turf, and a deep sleep stole 
 gradually over him. 
 
 And the sage Oloffe dreamed a dream— and, lo ! the 
 good St. Nicholas came riding over the tops of theN^rees, 
 in that self -same waggon wherein he brings his yearly 
 presents to children, and he descended hard by where the 
 heroes of Communipaw had made their late repast. And 
 he lit his pipe by the fire, and sat himself down and 
 SiDoked; and as he smoked the smoke from his pipe 
 
106 
 
 HISTOUT OF ]S"EW YORK!. 
 
 ascended into the air, and spread like a cloud o^'•erlle,^d. 
 And Oloffe bethought him, and he hastened and climbed 
 up to the top of one of the tallest trees, and saw that the 
 smoke spread over a great extent of country — and as he 
 considered it more attentively he fancied that the great 
 volume of smoke assumed a variety of marvellous forms 
 where in dim obscurity he saw shadowed out palaces and 
 domes and lofty spires, all of which lasted but a moment, 
 and then faded away, until the whole rolled off, and 
 nothing but the green woods were left. And when St. 
 Nicholas had smoked his pipe he twisted it in his hat- 
 band, and laying his finger beside his nose, gave the 
 astonished Van Kortlandt a very significant look, then 
 mounting his waggon, he returned over the tree-tops and 
 disappeared. 
 
 And Van Kortlandt awoke from his sleep greatly in- 
 structed, and he aroused his companions, and related to 
 them his dream, and interpreted it that it was the will of 
 St. Nicholas that they should settle down and build the 
 city here ; and that the smoke of the pipe was a type how 
 vast would be the extent oi the city, inasmuch as the 
 vohimes of its smoke would spread over a wide extent of 
 country. And they all with one voice assented to this 
 interpretation excepting Mynheer Ten Broeck, who de- 
 clared the meaning to be that it would be a city wherein 
 a little fire would occasion a great smoke, or, in other 
 words, a very vapouring little city— both which inter- 
 pretations have strangely come to pass I 
 
 The great object of their perilous expedition, therefore, 
 being thus happily accomplished, the voyagers returned 
 merrily to Communipaw, where they were received with 
 great rejoicings. And here calling a general meeting of 
 all the wise men and the dignitaries of Pavonia, they re- 
 lated the whole history of their voyage, and of the dream 
 of Oloffe Van Kortlandt. And the people lifted up their 
 voices and blessed the good St. Nicholas, and from that 
 
 i 
 
HISTORY OF NEW YORK. 
 
 107 
 
 time forth the sage Yan Xortlandt was held in more 
 honour than ever, for his great talent at dreaming', and 
 was pronounced a most useful citizen, and a right good 
 man — when he was asleep. 
 
 CHAPTER VX. 
 
 The original name of the island whereon the squadron 
 of Communipaw was thus propitiouslj thrown is a matter 
 of some dispute, and has already undergone considerable 
 vitiation— a melancholy proof of the instability of all 
 sublunary things, and the vanity of all our hopes of 
 lasting fame ; for who can expect his name will live to 
 posterity, when even the names of mighty islands are thus 
 soon lost in contradiction and uncertainty I 
 
 The name most current at the present day, and which 
 is likewise countenanced by the great historian Vander 
 Donck, is Manhattan, which is said to have originated in 
 a custom among the squaws, in the early settlement, of 
 wearing men's hats, as is still done among many tribes. 
 "Hence," as we are told by an old governor, who was 
 somewhat of a wag, and flourished almost a century since 
 and had paid a visit to the wits of Philadelphia, " hence 
 arose the appellation of man-hat-on, first given to the 
 Indians, and afterwards to the island"— a stupid joke !— 
 but well enough for a governor. 
 
 Among the more venerable sources of information on 
 this subject is that valuable history of the American pos- 
 sessions, written by Master Richard Blome, in l(i87, 
 wherein it is called Manhadaes and Manahanent ; nor 
 must I forget the excellent little book, full of pr^ious 
 matter, of that authentic historian, John Josselyn, gent, 
 who expressly calls it Manadaes. ' 
 
 Another etymology still more ancient, and sanctioned 
 by the countenance of our ever to be lamented Dutch 
 
108 
 
 HISTORY OF NEW YORK. 
 
 ancestors, is that found in certain letters, still extant,* 
 which, passed between the early governors and their 
 neighbouring powers, wherein it is called indifferently 
 Monhattoes, Munhatos, and Manhattoes, which are evi- 
 dently unimportant variations of the same name ; for 
 our wise forefathers set little store by those niceties, 
 eithar in orthography or orthoepy, which form the sole 
 study and ambition of many learned men and women 
 of this hypercritical age. This last name is said to be 
 derived from the great Indian spirit Manetho, who was 
 supposed to make this island his favourite abode, on 
 account of its uncommon delights. For the Indian tra- 
 ditions affirm that the bay was once a translucid lake, 
 filled with silver and golden fish, in the midst of which 
 lay this beautiful island, covered with every variety of 
 fruits and flowers, but that the sudden irruption of the 
 Hudson laid waste these blissful scenes, and Manetho 
 took his flight beyond the great waters of Ontario. 
 
 These, however, are very fabuloiis legends, to which 
 very cautious credence must be given ; and though I am 
 willing to admit the last quoted orthography of the name 
 as very fit for prose, yet is there another which I pecu- 
 liarly delight in, as at once poetical, melodious, and sig- 
 nificant — and which we have on the authority of Master 
 Juet, who, in his account of the voyage of the great 
 Hudson, calls this Manna-hata — that is to say, the island 
 'of manna — or, in other words, a land flowing with milk 
 and honey. 
 
 Still my deference to the learned obliges me to notice 
 the opinion of the worthy Dominie Heckwelder, which 
 ascribes the name to a great drunken bout, held on the 
 island by the Dutch discoverers, whereat they made cer- 
 tain of the natives most ecstatically drunk for the first 
 time in their lives ; who, being delighted with their jovial 
 entertainment, gave the place the name of Mannahatta- 
 ■ • Vide Hazard's Col Stat. Pap. 
 
HISTORY OF NEW TOEK. 
 
 109 
 
 nink — that is to say, the Island of Jolly Topers— a name 
 which it continues to merit to the present day.* 
 
 CHAPTER VII. 
 It having been solemnly resolyed that the seat of empire 
 should be removed from the green shores of Pavonia to 
 the pleasant island of Manna-hata. everybody was anxious 
 to embark under the standard of Oloffe the Dreamer, and 
 to be among the first sharers of the promised land. A 
 day was appointed for the grand migration, and on that 
 day little Communipaw was in a buzz and a bustle like a 
 hive in swarming time. Houses were turned inside out, 
 and stripped of the venerable furniture which had come 
 from Holland ; all the community, great and small, black 
 and white, man, woman, and child, was in commotion, 
 forming lines from the houses to the water side, like lines 
 of ants from an ant-hill ; everybody laden with some 
 article of household furniture ; while busy housewives 
 plied backwards and forwards along the lines, helping 
 everything forward by the nimbleness of their tongues. 
 
 By degrees a fleet of boats and canoes were piled up 
 with all kinds of household articles ; ponderous tables ; 
 chests of drawers, resplendent with brass ornaments ; 
 quaint corner cupboards ; beds and bedsteads ; with any 
 quantity of pots, kettles, frying-pans, and Dutch ovens. 
 In each boat embarked a whole family, from the robus- 
 tious burgher down to the cats and dogs and little 
 negroes. In this way they set off across the mouth of 
 the Hudson, under the guidance of Oloffe the Dreamer, 
 who hoisted his standard on the leading boat. 
 
 This memorable migration took place on the first of 
 May, and was long cited in tradition as the grand moving. 
 The anniversary of it was piously observed among the 
 
 • MSS. of tlie Rev. John Heckwelder, in the arcliivos of the New 
 Tork Historical Sociel;;?. 
 
110 
 
 HISTORY OF NEW YOEK. 
 
 " sons of the pilgrims of Communipaw," by tnmingr their 
 houses topsy-turvy, and carrying all the furniture through 
 the streets, in emblem of the swarming of the parent 
 hive ; and this is the real origin of the universal agitation 
 and " moving " by which this most restless of cities is 
 literally turned out of doors on every May-day. 
 
 As the little squadron from Communipaw drew near 
 to the shores of Manna-hata, a sachem, at the head of a 
 band of warriors, appeared to oppose their landing. Some 
 of the most zealous of the pilgrims were for chastising 
 this insolence with powder and ball, according to the 
 approved mode of discoverers ; but the sage Oloffe gave 
 them the significant sign of St. Nicholas, laying his 
 finger beside his nose and winking hard with one eye ; 
 whereupon his followers perceived that there was some- 
 thing sagacious in the wind. He now addressed the 
 Indians in the blandest terms, and made such tempting 
 display of beads, hawk's bells, and red blankets, that he 
 was soon permitted to land, and a great land speculation 
 ensued. And here let me give the true story of the 
 original purchase of the site of this renowned city, about 
 which so much has been said and written. Some affirm 
 that the first cost was but sixty guilders. The learned 
 Dominie Heckwelder records a tradition * that the Dutch 
 discoverers bargained for only so much land as the hide 
 of a bullock would cover ; but that they cut the hide in 
 strips no thicker than a child's finger, so as to take in a 
 large portion of land, and to take in the Indians into the 
 bargain. This, however, is an old fable which the worthy 
 Dominie may have borrowed from antiquity. The true 
 version is, that OlofEe Van Kortlandt bargained for just 
 so much land as a man could cover with his nether gar- 
 ments. The terms being concluded, he produced his 
 friend Mynheer Ten Broeck, as the man whose breeches 
 were to be used in measurement. The simple savages, 
 • MSS. of tbe Rev. John Heckwelder: New York Historical Society. 
 
HISTORY OF NEW YORK. 
 
 Ill 
 
 whose ideas of a man's nether garments had never ex- 
 panded beyond the dimensions of a breech clout, stared 
 with astonishment and dismay as they beheld this bulbous- 
 bottomed burgher peeled like an onion, and breeches after 
 breeches spread forth over the land until they covered 
 the actual site of this venerable city. 
 
 This is the true history of the adroit bargain by which 
 the Island of Manhattan was bought for sixty guilders ; 
 and in corroboration of it I will add that Mynheer Ten 
 Breeches, for his services on this memorable occasion, was 
 elevated to the oiEce of land measurer ; which he e»-<3r 
 afterwards exercised in the colony. 
 
 CHAPTER VIII. 
 The land being thus fairly purchased of the Indians, a r<r. 
 cumstance very unusual in the history of colonisation, *»nd 
 strongly illustrative of the honesty of our Dutch prograi- 
 tors, a stockade fort and trading house were forchv^ith 
 erected on an eminence in front of the place where the- 
 good St. Nicholas had appeared in a vision to Oloffe the 
 Dreamer ; and which, as has already been observed, wa,s 
 the identical place at present known as the Bovling 
 Green. 
 
 Around this fort a progeny of little Dutch-built houses, 
 with tiled roofs and weathercocks, soon sprang up, nest- 
 ling themselves under its walls for protection as a 
 brood of half-fledged chickens nestle under the wings 
 of the mother hen. The whole was surrounded by an 
 enclosure of strong palisadoes, to guard against any 
 sudden irruption of the savages. Outside of these ex- 
 tended the cornfields and cabbage-gardens of the com- 
 munity, with here and there an attempt at a tobacco 
 plantation ; all covering those tracts of country at 
 present called Broadway, Wall Street, William Street, and 
 Pearl Street. 
 
112 HISTORY OF NEW YORK. 
 
 I must not omit to mention, that in portioning out the 
 land a goodly " bowerie " or farm was allotted to the sage 
 Oloffe, in consideration of the service he had rendered to 
 the public by his talent at dreaming ; and the site of 
 his " bowerie " is known by the name of Kortlandt (or 
 Courtland) Street to the present day. 
 
 And now the infant settlement having advanced in age 
 and stature, it was thought high time it should receive 
 an honest Christian name. Hitherto it had gone by the 
 original Indian name of Manna-hata, or, as some will 
 have it, " The Manhattoes ; " but this was now decried as 
 savage and heathenish, and as tending to keep up the 
 memory of the pagan brood that originally possessed it. 
 Many were the consultations held upon the subject with- 
 out coming to a conclusion, for though everybody con- 
 demned the old name, nobody could invent a new one. At 
 length, when the council was almost in despair, a burgher, 
 remarkable for the size and squareness of his head, pro- 
 posed that they should call it New Amsterdam. The 
 proposition took everybody by surprise ; it was so strik- 
 ing, so apposite, so ingenious. The name was adopted by 
 acclamation, and New Amsterdam the metropolis was 
 thenceforth called. Still, however, the early authors of 
 the province continued to call it by the general appella- 
 tion of " The Manhattoes," and the poets fondly clung to 
 the euphonious name of Manna-hata ; but those are a 
 kind of folk whose tastes and notions should go for 
 nothing in matters of this kind. 
 
 Having thus provided the embryo city with a name, the 
 next was to give it an armorial bearing or device, as some 
 cities have a rampant lion, others a soaring eagle ; em- 
 blematical, no doubt, of the valiant and high-flying 
 qualities of the inhabitants : so after mature deliberation 
 a sleek beaver was emblazoned on the city standard aa 
 indicative of the amphibious origin and patient persever- 
 ing habits of the New Amsterdammers. 
 
HISTORY OF NEW YORK. 
 
 113 
 
 The thriving state of the settlement and the rapid in- 
 crease of houses soon made it necessary to arrange some 
 plan upon which the city should be built ; but at the 
 very first consultation held on the subject a violent dis- 
 cussion arose ; and I mention it with much sorrowing as 
 being the first altercation on record in the councils of 
 New Amsterdam. It was, in fact, a breaking forth of 
 the grudge and heart-burning that had existed between 
 those two eminent burghers. Mynheers Ten Broeck and 
 Harden Broeck, ever since their unhappy dispute on the 
 coast of Bellevue. The great Harden Broeck had waxed 
 very wealthy and powerful from his domains, which em- 
 braced the whole chain of Apulean mountains that 
 stretched along the gulf of Kip's Bay, and from part of 
 which his descendants have been expelled in latter ages 
 by the powerful clans of the Joneses and the Schermer- 
 homes. 
 
 An ingenious plan for the city was offered by Mynheer 
 Harden Broeck, who proposed that it should be cut up 
 and intersected by canals, after the manner of the most 
 admired cities in Holland. To this Mynheer Ten Broeck 
 was diametrically opposed, suggesting in place thereof 
 that they should run out docks and wharves, by means of 
 piles driven into the bottom of the river, on which the 
 town should be built. " By these means," said he, trium- 
 phantly, " shall we rescue a considerable space of territory 
 from these immense rivers, and build a city that shall 
 'rival Amsterdam, Venice, or any amphibious city in 
 Europe." To this proposition Harden Broeck (or Tough 
 Breeches) replied, with a look of as much scorn as he 
 could possibly assume. He cast the utmost censure upon 
 the plan of his antagonist, as being preposterous, and 
 against the very order of things, as he would leave to 
 every true Hollander. " For what," said he, " is a town 
 without canals ? — it is like a body without veins and 
 arteries, and must perish for want of a free circulation of 
 
114 
 
 HISTORY OF NEW YORK. 
 
 1 
 
 the vital fluid." — Ten Breeches, on the contrary, retorted 
 with a sarcasm upon his antagonist, who was somewhat 
 of an arid, dry-boned habit ; he remarked, that as to the 
 circulation of the blood being necessary to existence, 
 Mynheer Tough Breeches was a living contradiction to his 
 own assertion ; for everybody knew there had not a drop 
 of blood circulated through his wind-dried carcase for 
 good ten years, and yet there was not a greater busybody 
 in the whole colony. Personalities have seldom much 
 effect in making converts in argument ; nor have I ever 
 seen a man convinced of error by being convicted of de- 
 formity. At least such was not the case at present. If 
 Ten Breeches was very happy in sarcasm, Tough Breeches, 
 who was a sturdy little man, and never gave up the last 
 word, rejoined with increasing spirit ; Ten Breeches had 
 the advantage of the greatest volubility, but Tough 
 Breeches had that invaluable coat of mail in argument 
 called obstinacy ; Ten Breeches had, therefore, the most 
 mettle, but Tough Breeches the best bottom— so that 
 though Ten Breeches made a dreadful clattering about 
 his ears, and battered and belaboured him with hard 
 words and sound arguments, yet Tough Breeches hung on 
 most resolutely to the last. They parted, therefore, as is 
 usual in all arguments where both parties are in the right, 
 without coming to any conclusion ; but they hated each 
 other most heartily for ever after, and a similar breach 
 with that between the houses of Capulet and Montague 
 did ensue between the families of Ten Breeches and Tough 
 Breeches. 
 
 I would not fatigue my reader with these dull matters 
 of fact, but that my duty as a faithful historian requires 
 that I should be particular ; and, in truth, as I am now 
 treating of the critical period when our city, like a young 
 twig, first received the twists and turns which have since 
 contributed to give it its present picturesque irregularity, 
 I cannot be too minute in detailing their first causes. 
 
HISTORY OF NEW YORK. 
 
 115 
 
 After the imhappy altercation I have just mentioned, I 
 do not find that anything further was said on the subject 
 worthy of being recorded. The council, consisting of the 
 largest and oldest heads in the commiinity, met regularly 
 once a week, to ponder on this momentous subject ; but, 
 either they were deterred by the war of words they had 
 witnessed, or they were naturally averse to the exercise of 
 the tongue, and the consequent exercise of the brains — 
 certain it is, the most profound silence was maintained — 
 the question, as usual, lay on the table — the members 
 quietly smoked their pipes, making but few laws, without 
 ever enforcing any, and in the meantime the affairs of the 
 settlement went on — as it pleased God. 
 
 As most of the council were but little skilled in the 
 mystery of combining pot-hooks and hangers, they deter- 
 mined most judiciously not to puzzle either themselves or 
 posterity with voluminous records. The secretary, how- 
 ever, kept the minutes of the council with tolerable 
 precision, in a large vellum folio, fastened with massy 
 brass clasps ; the journal of each meeting consisted but of 
 two lines, stating in Dutch that " the council sat this day, 
 and smoked twelve pipes on the affairs of the colony." 
 By which it appears that the first settlers did not regulate 
 their time by hours, but pipes, in the same manner as they 
 measure distances in Holland at this very time ; an 
 admirably exact measurement, as a pipe in the mouth of 
 a true-born Dutchman is never liable to those accidents 
 and irregularities that are continually putting our clocks 
 out of order. 
 
 In this manner did the profound council of New Amster- 
 dam smoke, and doze, and ponder, from week to week, 
 month to month, and year to year, in what manner they 
 should construct their infant settlement ; meanwhile the 
 town took care of itself, and, like a sturdy brat which ia 
 suffered to run about wild, unshackled by clouts and 
 bandages, and other abominations by which your notablo 
 
116 
 
 HISTORY OF NEW YOBK. 
 
 nurses and sage old women cripple and disfigure the 
 children of men, increased so rapidly in strength and 
 magnitude, that before the honest burgomasters had 
 determined upon a plan it was too late to put it in execu- 
 tion — ^whereupon they wisely abandoned the' subject 
 altogether. 
 
 CHAPTER IX. 
 Theeb is something exceedingly delusive in thus looking 
 back, through the long vista of departed years, and 
 catching a glimpse of the fairy realms of antiquity, 
 Like a landscape melting into distance, they receive a 
 thousand charms from their very obscurity, and the 
 fancy delights to fill up their outlines with graces and 
 excellences of its own creation. Thus loom on my im- 
 agination those happier days of our city, when as yet 
 New Amsterdam was a mere pastoral town, shrouded in 
 groves of sycamores and willows, and surrounded by 
 trackless forests and wide-spreading waters, that seemed 
 to shut out all th^i cares and vanities of a wicked world. 
 
 In those days did this embryo city present the rare and 
 noble spectacle of a community governed without laws ; 
 and thus being left to its own course, and the fostering 
 care of Providence, increased as rapidly as though it had 
 been burdened with a dozen panniers full of those sage 
 laws usually heaped on the backs of young cities — in 
 order to make them grow. And in this particular I 
 greatly admire the wisdom and sound knowledge of hu- 
 man nature displayed by the sage Oloffe the Dreamer and 
 his fellow legislators. For my part, I have not so bad an 
 opinion of mankind as many of my brother philosophers. 
 I do not think poor human nature so sorry a piece of 
 workmanship as they would make it out to be ; and as 
 far as I have observed, I am fully satisfied that man, if 
 left to himself, w»uld about as readily go right as wrong. 
 It is only this eternally sounding in his ears that it is hia 
 
HISTORY OF NEW YORK. 
 
 11? 
 
 duty to go right which makes him go the very reverse,, 
 The noble independence of his nature revolts at this in- 
 tolerable tyranny of lav?-, and the perpetual interference 
 of officious morality, which are ever besetting his path 
 with finger-posts and directions to " keep to the right, as 
 the law directs ; " and like a spirited urchin, he turns 
 directly contrary, and gallops through mud and mire, 
 over hedges and ditches, merely to show that he is a lad 
 of spirit, and out of his leading-strings. And these 
 opinions are amply substantiated by what I have above 
 said of our worthy ancestors ; who never being be- 
 preached and be-lectured, and guided and governed by 
 statutes and laws and by-laws, as are their more en- 
 lightened descendants, did one and all demean themselves 
 honestly and peaceably, out of pure ignorance, or, in 
 other words — because they knew no better. 
 
 Nor must I omit to record one of the earliest measures 
 of this infant settlement, inasmuch as it shows the piety 
 of our forefathers, and that, like good Christians, they 
 were always ready to serve G-od, after they had first 
 served themselves. Thus, having quietly settled them- 
 selves down, and provided for their own comfort, they 
 bethought themselves of testifying their gratitude to the 
 great and good St. Nicholas, for his protecting care in 
 guiding them to this delectable abode. To this end they 
 built a fair and goodly chapel within the fort, which 
 they consecrated to his name ; whereupon he immediately 
 took the town of New Amsterdam under his peculiar 
 patronage, and he has ever since been, and I devoutly 
 hope will ever be, the tutelar saint of this excellent city. 
 
 At this early period was instituted that pious ceremony, 
 still religiously observed in all our ancient families of the 
 right breed, of hanging up a stocking in the chimney on 
 St. Nicholas' Eve ; which stocking is always found in the 
 morning miraculously filled ; for the good St. Nicholas haa 
 ever been a great giver of gifts, particularly to childreo, 
 
118 
 
 HISTORY OF NEW YOKK. 
 
 I am moreover told that there is a little legendary 
 book somewhere extant, written in Low Dutch, which 
 says that the image of this renowned saint, which whilom 
 graced the bow-sprit of the GoedeVrouw, was elevated in 
 front of this chapel, in the centre of what in modem 
 days is called the Bowling Green — on the very spot, in 
 fact, where he appeared in vision to Oloffe the Dreamer. 
 And the legend further treats of divers miracles wrought 
 by the mighty pipe which the saint held in his mouth ; a 
 whiff of which was a sovereign cure for an indigestion— an 
 invaluable relic in this colony of brave trenchermen. As 
 however, in spite of the most diligent search, I cannot laj; 
 my hands upon this little book, I must confess that I 
 entertain considerable doubt on the subject. 
 
 Thus benignly fostered by the good St. Nicholas, the 
 infant city thrived apace. Hordes of painted savages, it 
 is true, still lurked about the unsettled parts of the 
 island. The hunter still pitched his bower of skins and 
 bark beside the rills that ran through the cool and shady 
 glens, while here and there might be seen, on some sunny 
 knoll, a group of Indian wigwams whose smoke arose 
 above the neighbouring trees, and floated in the trans- 
 parent atmosphere. A mutual good-will, however, ex- 
 isted between these wandering beings and the burghers of 
 New Amsterdam. Our benevolent forefathers endea- 
 voured as much as possible to ameliorate their situation^ 
 by giving them gin, rum, and glass beads, in exchange 
 for their peltries ; for it seems the kind-hearted Dutch- 
 men had conceived a great friendship for their savage 
 neighbours, on account of their being pleasant men to 
 trade with, and little skilled in the art of making a 
 bargain. 
 
 Now and then a crew of these half human sons of the 
 forest would make their appearance in the streets of 
 New Amsterdam, fantastically painted and decorated 
 with beads and flaunting feathers, sauntering about with 
 
HISTORY OF NEW YOEK. 
 
 119 
 
 an air of listless indifference — sometimes in the market- 
 place, instructing the little Dutch boys in the use of the 
 bow and arrow— at other times, inflamed with liquor, 
 swaggering, and whooping, and yoUing about the town 
 like so many fiends, to the great dismay of all the good 
 wives, who would hurry their children into the house, 
 fasten the doors, and throw water upon the enemy from 
 the garret windows. It is worthy of mention here tliat 
 our forefathers were very particular in holding up these 
 wild men as excellent domestic examples — and for reasons 
 that may be gathered from the history of Master Ogilby, 
 who tells us that " for the least offence the bridegroom 
 soundly beats his wife and turns her out of doors, and 
 marries another, insomuch that some of them have every 
 year a new wife." Whether this awful example had any 
 influence or not history does not mention ; but it is 
 certain that our grandmothers were miracles of fidelity 
 and obedience. 
 
 True it is that the good understanding between our 
 ancestors and their savage neighbours was liable to 
 occasional interruptions, and I have heard my grand- 
 mother, who was a very wise old woman, and well versed 
 in the history of these parts, tell a long stoi-y of a 
 winter's evening, about a battle between the New- 
 Amsterdammers and the Indians, which was known by 
 the name of the Peach War, and which took place near a 
 peach orchard, in a dark glen, which for a long while 
 went by the name of Murderer's Valley. 
 
 The legend of this sylvan war was long current among 
 the nurses, old wives, and other ancient chroniclers of 
 the place ; but time and improvement have almost 
 obliterated both the tradition and the scene of battle ; 
 for what was once the blood-stained valley is now in the 
 centre of this populous city, and known by the name of 
 Dey Street. 
 
 I know not whether it was to this " Peach War," and 
 
120 
 
 HISTOKY OF NEW TOEK.' 
 
 the acquisitions of Indian land whicli may have grown 
 out of it, that we may ascribe the first seeds of the spirit 
 of " annexation " which now began to manifest them- 
 selves. Hitherto the ambition of the worthy burghers 
 had been confined to the lovely island of Manna-hata ; 
 and Spiten Devil on the Hudson, and Hell-gate on the 
 Sound, were to them the pillars of Hercules, the ne plus 
 ultra of human enterprise. Shortly after the Peach War 
 however, a restless spirit was observed among the New 
 Amsterdammers, who began to cast wistful looks upon 
 the wild lands of their Indian neighbours ; for somehow 
 or other wild Indian land always looks greener in the 
 eyes of settlers than the land they occupy. It is hinted 
 that OlofEe the Dreamer encouraged these notions ; having, 
 as has been shown, the inherent spirit of a land speculator, 
 which had been wonderfully quickened and expanded 
 since he had become a landholder. Many of the common 
 people, who had never before owned a foot of land, now 
 began to be discontented with the town lots which had 
 fallen to their shares ; others who had snug farms and 
 tobacco plantations fouad they had not sufficient elbow- 
 room, and began to question the rights of tlie Indians _to 
 the vast regions they pretended to hold — while the good 
 Oloffe indulged in magnificent dreams of foreign con- 
 quest and great patroonships in the wilderness. 
 
 The result of these dreams were certain exploring ex- 
 peditions sent forth in various directions to " sow the 
 seeds of empire," as it was said. The earliest of these were 
 conducted by Hans Reinier Oothout, an old navigator 
 famous for the sharpness of his vision, who could see 
 land when it was quite out of sight to ordinary mortals, 
 and who had a spy-glass covered with a bit of tarpaulin g, 
 with which he could spy up the crookedest river, quite tc 
 its head waters. He was accompanied by Mynheer Ten 
 Breeches, as land measurer, iu case of any dispute with 
 the Indians. 
 
HISTOKY Of NEW YOEK. 
 
 121 
 
 What was the consequence of these exploring expedi- 
 tions? In a IJttle while we find a frontier post or trad- 
 ing-house called Fort Nassau, established far to the south 
 ou Delaware River ; another called Fort Groed Hoop (or 
 Good Hope), on the Varsche or Fresh, or Connecticut 
 River ; and another called Fort Aurania (now Albany) 
 away up the Hudson River ; while the boundaries of the 
 province kept extending on every side, nobody knew 
 whither, far into the regions of Terra Incognita. 
 
 Of the boundary feuds and troubles which the ambi- 
 tious little province brought upon itself hy these indefi- 
 nite expansions of its territory we shall treat at large in 
 the after pages of this eventful history ; sufficient for ^ 
 the present is it to say, that the swelling importance of the 
 Nieuw Nederlandts awakened the attention of the mother 
 country, who, finding it likely to yield much revenue and 
 no trouble, began to take that interest in its welfare 
 which knowing people evince for rich relations. 
 
 But as this opens a new era in the fortunes of New 
 Amsterdam, I will here put an end to this second book of 
 my history, and will treat of the maternal policy of the 
 mother country in my next. 
 
 Book iSf, 
 
 IK WHICH IS EECORDED THE GOLDEN EEIGN OF 
 WOf TER VAN TWILLEB. 
 
 CHAPTER I. 
 
 Grievous and very much to be commiserated is the 
 task of the feeling historian who writes the history of 
 his native land. If it fall to his lot to be the recorder of 
 calamity or crime, the mournful page is watered with 
 his tears — ^nor can he recall the most prosperous and 
 blissful era without a melancholy sigh at the reflecticm 
 
122 
 
 HISTORY OF NEW TOBK. 
 
 tliat it has passed away for ever ! I know not whether it 
 be owing to an immoderate love for the simplicity of 
 former times, or to that certain tenderness of heart in- 
 cident to all sentimental historians, but I candidly con- 
 fess that I cannot look back on the happier days of our 
 city, which I now describe, without great dejection of 
 spirits. With faltering hand do I withdraw the curtain 
 of oblivion that veils the modest merit of our venerable 
 ancestors, and as their figures rise to my mental vision, 
 humble myself before their mighty shades. 
 
 Such are my feelings when I revisit the family mansion 
 of the Knickerbockers, and spend a lonely hour in the 
 chamber where hang the portraits of my forefathers, 
 shrouded in dust like the forms they represent. With 
 pious reverence do I gaze on the countenances of those 
 renowned burghers who have preceded me in the steady 
 march of existence — whose sober and temperate blood 
 now meanders through my veins, flowing slower and 
 slower in its feeble conduits, until its current shall soon 
 be stopped for ever ! 
 
 These I say to myself are but frail memorials of the 
 mighty men who flourished in the days of the patriarchs ; 
 but who, alas ! have long since mouldered in that tomb 
 towards which my steps are insensibly and irresistibly 
 hastening. As I pace the darkened chamber, and lose 
 myself in melancholy musings, the shadowy images 
 around me almost seem to steal once more into existence, 
 their countenances to assume the animation of life — their 
 eyes to pursue me in every movement ! Carried away by 
 the delusions of fancy, I almost imagine myself sur- 
 rounded by the shades of the departed, and holding sweet 
 jonverse with the worthies of antiquity ! Ah, hapless 
 Diedrich ! born in a degenerate age, abandoned to the 
 buffetings of fortune — a stranger and a weary pilgrim in 
 thy native land— blest with no weeping wife, nor family 
 oi helpless children ; but doom'^d to wander neglected 
 
HISTOBY OF NEW TOES. 
 
 123 
 
 through those crowded streets, and elbowed by foreign 
 upstarts from those fair abodes where once thine ances- 
 tors held sovereign empire ! 
 
 Let me not, however, lose the historian in the man, nor 
 BuEfer the doting recollections of age to overcome me, 
 while dwelling with fond garrulity on the virtuous days 
 of the patriarchs — on those sweet days of simplicity and 
 ease, which never more will dawn on the lovely island of 
 Manna-hata. 
 
 These melancholy reflections have been forced from me 
 by the growing wealth and importance of New Amster- 
 dam, which, I plainly perceive, are to involve it in all 
 kinds of perils and disasters. Already, as I observed at 
 the close of my last book, they had awakened the atten- 
 tion of the mother country. The usual mark of protection 
 shown by mother countries to wealthy colonies was 
 forthwith manifested ; a governor being sent out to rule 
 over the province, and squeeze out of it as much revenue 
 as possible. The arrival of a governor of course put an 
 end to the protectorate of Oloffe the Dreamer. He 
 appears, however, to have dreamt to some purpose during 
 his sway, as we find him afterwards living as a patroon 
 on a great landed estate on the banks of tlie Hudson, 
 having virtually forfeited all right to his ancient appella- 
 tion of Kortlandt, or Lackland. 
 
 It was in the year of our Lord 1629 that Mynheer 
 Wouter Van Twiller was appointed governor of the 
 province of Nieuw Nederlandts, under the commission 
 and control of their High Mightinesses the Lords States 
 General of the United Netherlands and the privileged 
 West India Company. 
 
 This renowned old gentleman arrived at New Amster- 
 dam in the merry month of June, the sweetest month in 
 all the year ; when Dan Apollo seems to dance up the 
 transparent firmajnent — when the robin, the thrush, and 
 & thousand other wanton songsters make the woods to 
 
124 
 
 HISTOBY OF NEW YOKK. 
 
 resotind with amorous ditties, and the luxurious little 
 boblincon revels among the clover blossoms of the 
 meadows — all which happy coincidence persuaded the old 
 dames of New Amsterdam, who were skilled in the art of 
 foretelling events, that this was to be a happy and pros- 
 perous administration. 
 
 The renowned Wouter (or Walter) Van Twiller was 
 descended from a long line of Dutch burgomasters, who 
 had successively dozed away their lives, and grown fat 
 upon the bench of magistracy in Eotterdam ; and who 
 had comported themselves with such singular wisdom and 
 propriety that they were never either heard or talked of — 
 which, next to being universally applauded, should be 
 the object of ambition of all magistrates and rulers. 
 There are two opposite ways by which some men make a 
 figure in the world ; one by talking faster than they 
 think, and the other by holding their tongues and not 
 thinking at all. By the first many a smatterer acquires 
 the reputation of a man of quick parts ; by the other 
 many a dunderpate, like the owl, the stupidest of birds, 
 comes to be considered the very type of wisdom. This, 
 by the way, is a casual remark, which I would not for the 
 universe have it thought I apply to Governor Van Twiller. 
 It is tnxe he was a man shut up within himself, like an 
 oyster, and rarely spoke except in monosyllables ; but 
 then it was allowed he seldom said a foolish thing. So 
 invincible was his gravity that he was never known to 
 laugh, or even to smile, through the whole course of a 
 long and prosperous life. Nay, if a joke were uttered in 
 his presence, that set light-minded hearers in a roar, 
 it was observed to throw him into a state of perplexity. 
 Sometimes he would deign to inquire into the matter, and 
 when, after much explanation, the joke was made as plain 
 as a pike-staff, he would continue to smoke his pipe in 
 silence, and at length, knocking out the ashes, would ex- 
 claim. " Well I I see nothing in all that to laugh about " 
 
HISTORY OF NEV\' YOBK. 
 
 125 
 
 With all Ms reflective habits he never made np hia 
 mind on a subject. His adherents accounted for this by 
 the astonishing magnitude of his ideas. He conceived 
 every subject on so grand a scale that he had not room 
 in his head to turn it over and examine both sides of it. 
 Certain it is that if any matter were propounded to him 
 on which ordinary mortals would rashly determine at 
 first glance, he would put on a vague mysterious look, 
 shake his capacious head, smoke some time in profound 
 silence, and at length observe that " he had his doubts 
 about the matter ; " which gained him the reputation of 
 a man slow of belief, and not easily imposed upon. What 
 is more, it gained him a lasting name, for to this habit 
 of the mind has been attributed his surname of Twiller, 
 which is said to be a corruption of the original Twijfler, 
 or, in plain English, Doubter. 
 
 The person of this illustrious old gentleman was 
 formed and proportioned, as though it had been moulded 
 by the hands of some cunning Dutch statuary, as a model 
 of majesty and lordly grandeur. He was exactly five 
 feet six inches in height, and six feet five inches in cir- 
 cumference. His head was a perfect sphere, and of such 
 stupendous dimensions, that Dame Nature, with all her 
 sex's ingenuity, would have been puzzled to construct a 
 neck capable of supporting it ; wherefore she wisely de- 
 clined the attempt, and settled it firmly on the top of hia 
 backbon3, just between the shoulders. His body was ob- 
 long and particularly capacious at bottom, which was 
 wisely ordered by Providence, seeing that he was a man 
 of sedentary habits, and very averse to the idle labour of 
 walking. His legs were short, but sturdy in proportion 
 to the weight they had to sustain ; so that, when erect, 
 he had not a little the appearance of a beer barrel on 
 skids. His face, that infallible index of the mind, pre- 
 sented a vast expanse, unfurrowed by any of those lines 
 and angles which disfigure the human countenance with 
 
126 
 
 HISTORY OF NEW YORK. 
 
 what is termed expression. Two small grey eyes tAvInkled 
 feebly in the midst, like two stars of lesser magnitude in 
 a hazy firmament ; and his full-fed cheeks, which seemed 
 to have taken toll of everything that went into his mouth, 
 were curiously mottled and streaked with dusky red, like 
 a Spitzenberg apple. 
 
 His habits were as regular as his person. He daily took 
 his four stated meals, appropriating exactly an hour to 
 «ach ; he smoked and doubted eight hours, and he slept 
 the remaining twelve of the four-and-twenty. Such was 
 the renowned Wouter Van Twiller — a true philosopher, 
 for his mind was either elevated above, or tranquilly 
 settled below, the cares and perplexities of this world. 
 He had lived in it for years, without feeling the least 
 curiosity to know whether the sun revolved round it, or 
 it round the sun ; and he had watched for at least half 
 a century the smoke curling from his pipe to the ceiling, 
 without once troubling his head with any of those 
 numerous theories by which a philosopher would have 
 perplexed his brain in accounting for its rising above 
 the surrounding atmosphere. 
 
 In his council he presided with great state and 
 solemnity. He sat in a huge chair of solid oak, hewn in 
 the celebrated forest of the Hague, fabricated by an ex- 
 perienced timmerman of Amsterdam, and curiously 
 carved about the arms and feet into exact imitations of 
 gigantic eagle's claws. Instead of a sceptre he swayed 
 a long Turkish pipe, wrought with jasmin and amber, 
 which had been presented to a stadtholder of Holland, 
 at the conclusion of a treaty with one of the petty Bar- 
 bary Powers. In this stately chair would he sit, and this 
 magnificent pipe would he smoke, shaking his right knee 
 with a constant motion, and fixing his ej^e for hours to- 
 gether upon a little print of Amsterdam, which hung in 
 a black frame against the opposite wall of the council 
 chamber. Nay, it has even been said, that when any 
 
HISTORY OF NEW YOEK. 
 
 127 
 
 delibetation of extraordinary length, and intricacy was on 
 the carpet, the renowned Wouter would shut his eyes for 
 full two hours at a time, that he might not be disturbed 
 by external objects — and at such times the internal 
 commotion of his mind was evinced by certain regular 
 guttural sounds, which his admirers declared were merely 
 the noise of conflict made by his contending doubts and 
 opinions. 
 
 It is with infinite difficulty I have been enabled to 
 collect these biographical anecdotes of the great man 
 under consideration. The facts resi^ecting him were so 
 scattered and vague, and divers of them so questionable 
 in point of authenticity, that I have had to give up the 
 search after many, and decline the admission of still more, 
 which would have tended to heighten the colouring of his 
 portrait. 
 
 I have been the more anxious to delineate fully the 
 person and habits of Wouter Van Twiller, from the con- 
 sideration that he was not only the first, but also the best 
 governor, that ever presided over this ancient and 
 respectable province ; and so tranquil and benevolent 
 was his reign, that I do not find throughout the whole of 
 it a single instance of any offender being brought t<; 
 punishment — a most indubitable sign of a merciful 
 governor, and a case unparalleled, excepting in the reign 
 of the illustrious King Log, from whom, it is hinted, the 
 renowned Van Twiller was a lineal descendant. 
 
 The very outset of the career of this excellent magis- 
 trate was distingtiished by an example of legal acumen, 
 that gave flattering presage of a wise and equitable 
 administration. The morning after he had been installed 
 in office, and at the moment that he was making his break- 
 fast from a prodigious earthen dish, filled with milk and 
 Indian pudding, he was interrupted by the appearance of 
 Wandle Schoonhoven, a very important old burgher of 
 New Amsterdam, who complained bitterly of one Barent 
 
128 
 
 HISIOE.Y OF NSW YOEK. 
 
 Bleeckei, inasmucli as he refused to come to a settlement 
 of accounts, seeing that there was a heavy balance in 
 favour of the said Wandle. Governor Van Twiller, as I 
 have already observed, was a man of few words ; he was 
 likewise a mortal enemy to multiplying writings, or 
 being disturbed at his breakfast. Having listened at- 
 tentively to the statement of Wandle Schoonhoven, giving 
 an occasional grunt, as he shovelled a spoonful of Indian 
 pudding into his mouth— either as a sign that he relished 
 the dish or comprehended the story — he called unto him 
 his constable, and pulling out of his breeches pocket 
 a huge jack-knife, dispatched it after the defendant as a 
 summons, accompanied by his tobacco-box as a warrant. 
 
 This summary process was as effectual in those simple 
 days as was the seal ring of the great Haroun Al- 
 rasohid among the true believers. The two parties being 
 confronted before him, each produced a book of accounts, 
 written in a language and character that would have 
 puzzled any but a High Dutch commentator, or a learned 
 decipherer of Egyptian obelisks. The sage Wouter took 
 them one after the other, and having poised them in his 
 hands, and attentively counted over the number of leaves, 
 fell straightway into a very great doubt, and smoked for 
 half -an -hour without saying a word ; at length, laying 
 his finger beside his nose, and shutting his eyes for 
 a moment, with the air of a man who has just caught a 
 subtle idea by the tail, he slowly took his pipe from his 
 mouth, puffed forth a column of tobacco smoke, and with 
 marvellous gravity and solemnity pronounced— that 
 having carefully counted over the leaves and weighed the 
 books, it was found that one was just as thick and as 
 heavy as the other— therefore it was the final opinion of 
 the court that the accounts were equally balanced— 
 therefore Wandle should give Barent a receipt, and 
 Barent should give Wandle a receipt — and the constable 
 should pay the costs. 
 
HISTORY OF NEW YOEK. 
 
 129 
 
 This decision being straiglitway made known, diffused 
 general joy throughout New Amsterdam, for the people 
 immediately perceived that they had a very wise and 
 equitable magistrate to rule over them. But its happiest 
 effect was, that not another lawsuit took place through- 
 out the whole of his administration — and the office of 
 constable fell into such decay, that there was not one 
 of those losel scouts known in the province for many 
 years. I am the more particular in dwelling on this 
 transaction, not only because I deem it one of the most 
 sage and righteous judgments on record, and well worthy 
 the attention of modern magistrates, but because it 
 was a miraculous event in the history of the renowned 
 Wouter, being the only time he was ever known to come 
 to a decision in the whole course of his life. 
 
 CHAPTER II. 
 In treating of the early governors of the province I 
 must caution my readers against confounding them, in 
 point of dignity and power, with those worthy gentle- 
 men who are whimsically denominated governors in this 
 enlightened republic — a set of unhappy victims of 
 popularity, who are in fact the most dependent, hen- 
 pecked beings in the community, doomed to bear the 
 secret goadings and corrections of their own party, and 
 the sneers and revilings of the whole world beside — set 
 up, like geese at Christmas holidays, to be pelted and 
 shot at by every whipster and vagabond in the land. 
 On the contrary, the Dutch governors enjoyed that 
 uncontrolled authority, vested in all commanders of 
 distant colonies or territories. They were in a manner 
 absolute despots Li their little domains, lording it, if 
 so disposed, over both law and gospel, and accountable to 
 none but the mother-country ; which, it is well known, 
 is astonishingly deaf to all complaints against its 
 
130 
 
 IIISTOKY OF NEW YORK;. 
 
 governors. XTOvided they discharge the main duty of 
 their station — squeezing out a good revenue. This hint 
 will be of importance to prevent my readers from being 
 seized with doubt and incredulity, whenever, in the 
 course of this authentic history, they encounter the un- 
 common circumstance of a governor acting with in- 
 dependence, and in opposition to the opinions of the 
 multitude. 
 
 To assist the doubtful Wouter in the arduous business 
 of legislation, a board of magistrates was appointed, 
 which presided immediately over the police. This 
 potent body consisted of a schout, or bailiif, with powers 
 between those of the present mayor and sheriif — five 
 burgermeesters, who were equivalent to aldermen, and 
 five schepens, who officiated as scrubs, sub-devils, or 
 bottle-holders to the burgermeesters, in the same manner 
 as do assistant aldermen to their principals at the pre- 
 sent day ; it being their duty to fill the pipes of the 
 lordly burgermeesters, hunt the markets for delicacies 
 for corporation dinners, and to discharge such other 
 little offices of kindness as were occasionally required. 
 It was, moreover, tacitly understood, though not specifi- 
 cally enjoined, that they should consider themselves as 
 butts for the blunt wits of the burgermeesters, and 
 should laugh most heartily at all their jokes ; but this 
 last was a duty as rarely called in action in those days as 
 it is at present, and was shortly remitted, in consequence 
 of the tragical death of a fat little schepen, who actually 
 died of suffocation in an unsuccessful effort to force a 
 laugh at one of burgermeester Van Zandt's best jokes. 
 
 In return for these humble services, they were per- 
 mitted to say " yes " and " no " at the council-board, and 
 to have that enviable privilege, the run of the public 
 kitchen — being graciously permitted to eat, and drink, 
 and smoke, at all those snug junketinr^- mad. public 
 gormandisings, for which the ancient magistrates were 
 
HIST</RY OF NEW YORK, 
 
 131 
 
 squally famons with their modern successors. The post 
 of schepen, therefore, like that of assistant alderman, 
 was eagerly coveted by all your burghers of a certain 
 description, who have a huge relish for good feeding, 
 and an humble ambition to be great men in a small way 
 — who thirst after a little brief authority, that shall 
 render them the terror of the almshouse and the bride- 
 well — that shall enable them to lord it over obsequious 
 poverty, vagrant vice, outcast prostitution, and hunger- 
 driven dishonesty — that shall give to their beck a hound- 
 like pack of catchpolls and bumbailiifs — tenfold greater 
 rogues than the culprits they hunt down I My readers 
 will excuse this sudden warmth, which I confess is 
 imbecoming of a grave historian ; but I have a mortal 
 antipathy to catchpolls, bumbailiffs, and little great 
 men. 
 
 The ancient magistrates of this city corresponded with 
 those of the present time no less in form, magnitude, and 
 intellect, than in prerogative and privilege. The burgo- 
 masters, like our aldermen, were generally chosen by 
 weight — and not only the weight of the body, but like* 
 wise the weight of the head. It is a maxim practically 
 observed in all honest, plain-thinking, regular cities, that 
 an alderman should be fat ; and the wisdom of this ca'' 
 be proved to a certainty. That the body is in some 
 measure an image of the mind, or rather that the mind 
 is moulded to the body, like melted lead to the clay in 
 which it is cast, has been insisted on by many philoso- 
 phers, who have made human nature their peculiar study ; 
 for, as a learned gentleman of our own city observes, 
 " there is a constant relation between the moral character 
 of all intelligent creatures, and their physical constitu- 
 tion — between their habits and the structure of their 
 bodies." Thus we see that a lean, spare, diminutive body 
 is generally accompanied by a petulant, restless, meddling 
 mind ; either the mind wears down the body, by its 
 
132 
 
 HISTORY OF NEW YOEK. 
 
 continual motion ; or else the body, not affording the mind 
 sufficient house-room, keeps it continually in a state of 
 fretfulness, tossing and worrying about from the uneasi- 
 ness of its situation. Whereas your round, sleek, fat, 
 unwieldy periphery is ever attended by a mind like itself, 
 tranquil, torpid, and at ease ; and we may always ob- 
 serve, that your well-fed, robustious burghers are in 
 general very tenacious of their ease and comfort ; being 
 great enemies to noise, discord, and disturbance — and 
 surely none are more likely to study the public tran- 
 quillity than those who are so careful of their own. Who 
 ever hears of fat men heading a riot, or herding together 
 in turbulent mobs? No— no — it is your lean, hungry 
 men who are continually worrying society, and setting 
 the whole community by the ears. 
 
 The divine Plato, whose doctrines are not sufficiently 
 attended to by philosophers of the present age, allows to 
 every man three souls — one immortal and rational, seated 
 in the brain, that it may overlook and regulate the body ; 
 a second, consisting of the surly and irascible passions 
 which, like belligerent powers, lie encamped around the 
 heart ; a third, mortal and sensual, destitute of reason, 
 gross and brutal in its propensities, and enchained in the 
 belly, that it may not disturb the divine soul by its 
 ravenous bowlings. Now, according to this excellent 
 theory, what can be more clear, than that your fat alder- 
 man is most likely to have the most regular and well- 
 conditioned mind. His head is like a huge spherical 
 chamber, containing a prodigious mass of soft brains, 
 whereon the rational soul lies softly and snugly couched, 
 as on a feather-bed ; and the eyes which are the windows 
 of the bedchamber, are usually half-closed, that its 
 slumberings may not be disturbed by external objects. 
 A mind thus comfortably lodged, and protected from 
 disturbance, is manifestly most likely to perform ita 
 functions with regularity and ease. By dint of good 
 
HISTORY OF NEW TOBK. 
 
 .133 
 
 feeding, moreover, the mortal and malignant soul, which 
 is confined in the belly, and which, by its raging and 
 roaring, puts the irritable soul in the neighbourhood of 
 the heart in an intolerable passion, and thus renders men 
 crusty and quarrelsome when hungry, is completely paci- 
 fied, silenced, and put to rest ; whereupon a host of 
 honest, good-fellow qualities and kind-hearted affections, 
 which had lain perdue, slily peeping out of the loopholes 
 of the heart, finding this Cerberus asleep, do pluck up 
 their spirits, turn out one and all in their holiday suits, 
 and gambol up and down the diaphragm — disposing 
 their possessor to laughter, good humour, and a thousand 
 friendly offices towards his fellow-mortals. 
 
 As a board of magistrates, formed on this principle, 
 think but very little, fhey are the less likely to differ 
 and wrangle about favourite opinions ; and, as bhey 
 generally transact business upon a hearty dinner, they 
 are naturally disposed to be lenient and indulgent in the 
 administration of their duties. Charlemagne was con- 
 scious of this, and therefore ordered in his cartularies, 
 that no judge should hold a court of justice except in 
 the morning on an empty stomach. A pitiful rule which 
 I can never forgive, and which I warrant bore hard upon 
 all the poor culprits in the kingdom. The more en- 
 lightened and humane generation of the present day have 
 taken an opposite course, and have so managed that the 
 aldermen are the best fed men in the community ; feast- 
 ing lustily on the fat things of the land, and gorging so 
 heartily on oysters and turtles, that in process of time 
 they acquire the activity of the one, and the form, the 
 waddfle, and the green fat of the other. The consequence 
 is, as I have just said, these luxurious feastings do pro- 
 duce such a dulcet equanimity and repose of the soul, 
 rational and irrational, that their transactions are pro- 
 verbial for unvarying monotony ; and the profound laws 
 which they enact in their dozing moments, amid the 
 
134 
 
 :3ISTORY OF NEW YORK. 
 
 labours of digestion, are quietly suffered to remain aa 
 dead letters, and never enforced when awake. In a word 
 your fair, round-bellied burgomaster, like a full-fed 
 mastifif, dozes quietly at tlie house-door, always at home, 
 and always at hand to watch over its safety ; but as to 
 electing a lean, meddling candidate to the office, as haa 
 now and then been done, I would as lief put a greyhound 
 to watch the house, or a racehorse to draw an ox- 
 waggon. 
 
 The burgomasters then, as I have already mentioned, 
 were wisely chosen by weight, and the schepens, or as- 
 sistant aldermen, were appointed to attend upon them, 
 and help them eat ; but the latter, in the course of time, 
 when they had been fed and fattened into sufficient bulk 
 of body and drowsiness of brain, became very eligible 
 candidates for the burgomasters' chairs, having fairly 
 eaten themselves into office, as a mouse eats his way 
 into a comfortable lodgment in a goodly, blue-nosed, 
 skimmed milk. New England cheese. 
 
 Nothing could equal the profound deliberations that 
 took place between the renowned Wouter and these hia 
 worthy compeers, unless it be the sage divans of some of 
 our modem corporations. They would sit for hours 
 smoking and dozing over public affairs, without speaking 
 a word to interrupt that perfect stillness so necessary to 
 deep reflection. Under the sober sway of Wouter Van 
 T wilier and these his worthy coadjutors, the infant 
 settlement waxed vigorous apace, gradually emerging 
 from the swamps and forests, and exhibiting that 
 mingled appearance of town and country customary in 
 new cities, and which at this day may be witnessed in the 
 city of Washington ; that immense metropolis, which 
 makes so glorious an appearance on paper. 
 
 It was a pleasing sight in those times to behold the 
 honest burgher, like a patriarch of youe, seated on the 
 bench at the door of hia whitewashed house, under the 
 
HISTORY OF NEW TORK. 
 
 135 
 
 sliade of some gigantic sycamore or overhanging willow. 
 Here would he smoke his pipe of a sultry afternoon, 
 enjoying the soft southern breeze, and listening with 
 silent gratulation to the clucking of his hens, the cack- 
 ling of his geese, and the sonorous grunting of his 
 swine ; that combination of farmyard melody, which 
 may truly be said to have a silver sound, inasmuch as it 
 conveys a certain assurance of profitable marketing. 
 
 The modern spectator, who wanders through the 
 streets of this populous city, can scarcely form an idea of 
 the difFerent appearance they presented in the primitive 
 days of the doubter. The busy hum of multitudes, the 
 shouts of revelry, the rumbling equipages of fashion, the 
 rattling of accursed carts, and all the spirit-grieving 
 sounds of brawling commerce, were unknown in the 
 settlement of New Amsterdam. The grass grew quietly 
 in the highways — the bleating sheep and frolicksome 
 calves sported about the verdant ridge, where now the 
 Broadway loungers take their morning stroll — the cunning 
 fox or ravenous wolf skulked in the woods, where now 
 are to be seen the dens of Gomez and his righteous fra- 
 ternity of money-brokers — and flocks of vociferous geese 
 cackled about the fields, where now the great Tammany 
 wigwam and the patriotic tavern of Martling echo with 
 the wranglings of the mob. 
 
 In these good times did a true and enviable equality of 
 rank and property prevail, equally removed from the 
 arrogance of wealth, and the servility and heart-burnings 
 of repining poverty — and, what in my mind is still more 
 conducive to tranqiiillity and harmony among friends, a 
 happy equality of intellect was likewisa to be seen. The 
 minds of the good burghers of New Amsterdam seemed 
 all to have been cast in one mould, and to be those 
 honest, blunt minds, which, like certain manufactures, 
 are made by the gross, and considered as exceedingly 
 good for common use. 
 
136 
 
 HISTOBT OF NEW TOES:. 
 
 Thus it happens that your true dull minds are 
 .generally preferred for public employ, and especially 
 promoted to city honours ; your keen intellects, like 
 razors, being' considered too sharp for common service. 
 I know that it is common to rail at the unequal distribu- 
 tion of riches, as the great source of jealousies, broils, and 
 heart-breakings ; whereas, for my part, I verily believe it is 
 the sad inequality of intellect that prevails, that embroils 
 communities more than anything else ; and I have remarked 
 that your knowing people, who are so much wiser than 
 anybody else, are eternally keeping society in a ferment. 
 Happily for New Amsterdam, nothing of the kind was 
 known within its walls — the very words of learning, 
 education, taste, and talents were unheard of — a bright 
 genius was an animal unknown, and a blue-stocking lady 
 would have been regarded with as much wonder as a 
 horned frog or a fiery dragon. No man in fact seemed to 
 know more than his neighbour, nor any man to know 
 more than an honest man ought to know, who has 
 nobody's business to mind but his own ; the parson and 
 the council clerk were the only men that could read in 
 the community, and the sage Van Twiller always signed 
 his name with a cross. 
 
 Thrice happy and ever to be envied little burgh ! exist- 
 ing in all the security of harmless insignificance — un- 
 noticed and nnenvied by the world, without ambition, 
 without vain-glory, without riches, without learning, 
 and all their train of carking cares ; and as of yore, in 
 the better days of man, the deities were wont to visit 
 him on earth and bless his rural habitations, so we are 
 told, in the sylvan days of New Amsterdam, the good St, 
 Nicholas would often make his appearance in his beloved 
 city, of a holiday afternoon, riding jollily among the tree- 
 tops, or over the roofs of the houses, now and then draw- 
 ing forth magnificent presents from his breeches pockets, 
 and dropping them down the chimneys of his favourites. 
 
 V 
 
HISTORY OF NEW VOUK.. 
 
 WTiereas in these degenerate days ot iron snc* "dit^bs he 
 never shows us the light of hia countenance, nor ever 
 visits us, save one night m the year ; wnen he rattles 
 do vn the chimneys of the descendants of the patriarchs, 
 confining his presents merely to the children, in token of 
 the degeneracy of the parents. 
 
 Such are the comfortable and thriving effects of a fat 
 government, the province of the New Netherlands, 
 destitute of weaith, possessed a sweet tranquillity that 
 wealth couia novar purchase. There were neither public 
 commotions, nor private quarrels ; neither parties, nor 
 sects, nor schisms ; neither prosecutions, nor trials, noi 
 punishments ; nor were there counsellors, attorney^s^ 
 catchpolls, or uangmen. Every man attended to what 
 little business he was lucky enough to have, or neglected 
 it if he pleased, without asking the opinion of his neigh- 
 bour. In those days nobody meddled with concerns 
 above his comprehension, nor thrust his nose into other 
 people's aftairs, nor neglected to correct his own conduct 
 and reform his own character, in his zeal to pull to 
 pieces the characters of others ; "ijut in a word, every re- 
 spectable citizen ate when he was not hungry, drank 
 when he was not thirsty, and went regularly to bed when 
 the sun set and the fowls went to roost, whether he were 
 sleepy or not ; all which tended so remarkably to the 
 population of the settlement, that I am told every duti- 
 ful wife throughout New Amsterdam made a point of en- 
 riching her husband with at least one child a year, and 
 very often a brace — this superabundance of good things 
 clearly constiiuting the true luxury o{ life, according to 
 the favourite Dutch maxim, that "more than enough 
 constitutes a feast." Everything, therefore, went on 
 exactly as it should do, and in the usual words employed 
 by historians to express the welfare of a country, " the 
 profoundest tranquillity and repose reigned throughout 
 the province." 
 
138 
 
 HISTOEY OF NB'W YOBIjl. 
 
 CHAPTER III. 
 Manifold are the tastes and dispositions of the en- 
 lightened literati who turn over the pages of history. 
 Some there be whose hearts are brimful of the yeast of 
 courage, and whose bosoms do work, and swell, and foam 
 with untried valour, like a barrel of new cider, or a train- 
 band captain fresh from under the hands of his tailor. 
 This doughty class of readers can be satisfied with 
 nothing but bloody battles, and horrible encounters ; they 
 must be continually storming forts, sacking cities, 
 springing mines, marching up to the muzzles of cannon, 
 charging bayonet through every page, and revelling in 
 gunpowder and carnage. Others, who are of a less 
 martial, but equally ardent imagination, and who, withal, 
 are a little given to the marvellous, will dwell with won- 
 drous satisfaction on descriptions of prodigies, unheard- 
 of events, hairbreadth escapes, hardy adventures, and all 
 those astonishing narrations which just amble along the 
 boundary line of possibility. A third class, who, not to 
 speak slightly of them, are of a lighter turn, and skim 
 over the records of past times, as they do over the 
 edifying pages of a novel, merely for relaxation and 
 innocent amusement, do singularly delight in treasons, 
 executions, Sabine rapes, Tarquin outrages, conflagrations, 
 murders, and all the other catalogue of hideous crimes, 
 which, like cayenne in cookery, do give a pungency and 
 flavour to the dull detail of history ; while a fourth 
 class, of more philosophic habits, do diligently pore over 
 the muaty chronicles of time, to investigate the operations 
 of the human kind, and watch the gradual changes in 
 men and manners, effected by the progress of knowledge, 
 the vicissitudes of events, or the influence of situation. 
 
 If the three first classes find but little wherewithal to 
 solace themselves in the tranquil reign of Wouter Van 
 Twiller, I entreat them to exert their patience for o 
 
HISTORY OF NEW YORK. 
 
 139 
 
 while, and bear with the tedious picture of happiness, 
 prosperity, and peace, which my duty as a faithful his- 
 toi'ian obliges me to draw ; and I promise them that as 
 soon as I can possibly alight upon anything horrible, un- 
 common, or impossible, it shall go hard but I will make 
 it afford them entertainment. This being premised, I 
 turn with great complacency to the fourth class of my 
 readers, who are men, or, if possible, women after my 
 own heart ; grave, philosophical, and investigating ; fond 
 of analysing characters, of taking a start from first 
 causes, and so hunting a nation down, through all the 
 mazes of innovation and improvement. Such will 
 naturally be anxious to witness the first development oi! 
 the newly-hatched colony, and the primitive manners and 
 customs prevalent among its inhabitants, during the 
 halcyon reign of Van Twiller, or the Doubter. 
 
 I will not grieve their patience, however, by describing 
 minutely the increase and improvement of New Amster- 
 dam. Their own imaginations will doubtless present to 
 them the good burghers, like so many painstaking and 
 persevering beavers, slowly and surely pursuing their 
 labours — they will behold the prosperous transformation, 
 from the rude log hut to the stately Dutch mansion, witii 
 brick front, glazed windows, and tiled roof ; from the' 
 tangled thicket to the luxuriant cabbage garden ; and 
 from the skulking Indian to the ponderous burgomaster, 
 In a word, they will picture to themselves the steady, 
 silent, and undeviating march of prosperity, incident to n 
 city destitute of pride or ambition, cherished by a fa'i 
 government, and whose citizens do nothing in a hurry. 
 
 The sage council, as has been mentioned in a preceding; 
 chapter, not being able to determine upon any plan for 
 the building of their city, the cows, in a laudable fit of 
 patriotism, took it under their peculiar charge, and an 
 they went to and from pasture, established paths through, 
 lie bushes, on each side of which the good folks built 
 
140 
 
 HISTOET OP NEW YOEK. 
 
 their houses ; which is one cause of the rambling and 
 picturesque turns and labyrinths, which distinguish cer- 
 tain streets of New York at this very day. 
 
 The houses of the higher class were generally con- 
 structed of wood, excepting the gable end, which was of 
 small black and yellow Dutch bricks, and always faced 
 on the street, as our ancestors, like their descendants, 
 were very much given to outward show, and were noted 
 for putting the best leg foremost. The house was always 
 furnished with abundance of large doors and small 
 Vrindows on every floor, the date of its erection was 
 curiously designated by iron figures on the front, and on 
 the top of the roof was perched a fierce little weathercock, 
 to let the family into the important secret which way the 
 wind blew. These, like the weathercocks on the tops of 
 our steeples, pointed so many different ways, that every 
 man could have a wind to his mind ; — the most staunch 
 and loyal citizens, however, always went according to the 
 weathercock on the top of the governor's house, which 
 was certainly the most correct, as he had a trusty servant 
 emp]oyed every morning to climb up and set it to the 
 right quarter. 
 
 In those good days of simplicity and sunshine, a passion 
 for cleanliness was the leading principle in domestic 
 economy, and the universal test of an able housewife — a 
 character which formed the utmost ambition of our 
 unenlightened grandmothers. The front door was never 
 opened except on marriages, funerals, new year's days, 
 the festival of St. Nicholas, or some such great occasion. 
 It was ornamented with a gorgeous brass knocker, 
 curiously wrought, sometimes in the device of a dog, and 
 sometimes of a lion's head, and was daily burnished with 
 Buch religious zeal, that it was ofttimes worn out by the 
 very precautions taken for its preservation. The whole 
 house was constantly in a state of inundation, under the 
 discipline of mops and brooms and scrubbing brushes ; 
 
HISTORY OF NEW YORK. 
 
 141 
 
 and the good housewives of those days were a kind of 
 amphibious animal, delighting exceedingly to be dabbling 
 in water — insomuch that an historian of the day gravely 
 tells us, that many of his townswomen grew to have 
 webbed fingers like unto a duck ; and some of them, he 
 •lad little doubt, could the matter be examined into, would 
 be found to have the tails of mermaids ; but this I look 
 upon to be a mere sport of fancy, or, what is worse, a 
 wilful misrepresentation. 
 
 The grand parlour was the sanctum sanctorum, where 
 the passion for cleaning was indulged without control. 
 In this sacred apartment no one was permitted to enter 
 excepting the mistress and her confidential maid, who 
 visited it once a week, for the purpose of giving it a 
 thorough cleaning, and putting things to rights ; always 
 taking the precaution of leaving their shoes at the door, 
 and entering devoutly on their stocking feet. After 
 scrubbing the floor, sprinkling it with fine white sand, 
 which was curiously stroked into angles, and curves, and 
 rhomboids with a broom ; after washing the windows, 
 rubbing and polishing the furniture, and putting a new 
 bunch of evergreens in the fireplace — the window shutters 
 were again closed to keep out the flies, and the room care- 
 fully locked up until the revolution of time brought 
 round the weekly cleaning day. 
 
 As to the family, they always entered in at the gate, and 
 most generally lived in the kitchen. To have seen a 
 numerous household assembled round the fire, one would 
 have imagined that he was transported back to those 
 happy days of primeval simplicity, which float before our 
 imaginations like golden visions. The fireplaces were of 
 a truly patriarchal magnitude, where the whole family, 
 old and young, master and servant, black and white, nay, 
 even the very cat and dog, enjoyed a community of privi- 
 lege, and had each a right to a corner. Here the old 
 buigher would sit in perfect silence, puffing his pipe, 
 
142 
 
 HISTORY OF NEW YORK. 
 
 looking in the fire with half -shut eyes, and thinking of 
 nothing for hours together ; the goede vrouw, on the 
 opposite side, would employ herself diligently in spinning 
 yarn or knitting stockings. The young folks would 
 crowd around the hearth, listening with breathless atten- 
 tion to some old crone of a negro, who was the oracle of 
 the family, and who, perched like a raven in the corner of 
 a chimney, would croak forth for a long winter afternoon 
 a string of incredible stories about New England witches, 
 grisly ghosts, horses without heads, and hairbreadth 
 escapes and bloody encounters among the Indians. 
 
 In those happy days a well-regulated family always rose 
 with the dawn, dined at eleven, and went to bed at sunset. 
 Dinner was invariably a private meal, and the fat old 
 burghers showed incontestable signs of disapprobation 
 and uneasiness at being surprised by a visit from a neigh- 
 bour on such occasions. But though our worthy ancestors 
 were thus singularly averse to giving dinners, yet they 
 kept up the social bands of intimacy by occasional ban- 
 quettings, called tea-parties. 
 
 These fashionable parties were generally confined to 
 the higher classes, or noblesse ; that is to say, such as 
 kept their own cows and drove their own waggons. The 
 company commonly assembled at three o'clock, and went 
 away about six, unless it was in winter time, when the 
 fashionable hours were a little earlier, that the ladies 
 might get home before dark. The tea-table was crowned 
 with a huge earthen dish, well stored with slices of fat 
 pork, fried brown, cut up into morsels, and swimming in 
 gravy. The company being seated round the genial 
 board, and each furnished with a fork, evinced their 
 dexterity in launching at the fattest pieces in this 
 mighty dish— in much the same manner as sailors har- 
 poon porpoises at sea, or our Indians spear salmon in the 
 lakes. Sometimes the table was graced with immense 
 apple-pies, or saucers full of preserved peaches and pears j 
 
HISTORY OF NEW YORK. 
 
 143 
 
 but it was always sure to boast an enormous dish of balls 
 of sweetened dough, fried in hog's fat, and called dough- 
 nuts, or olykoeks — a delicious kind of cake, at present 
 scarce known in this city, except in genuine Dutch 
 families. 
 
 The tea was served out of a majestic delf teapot, orna- 
 mented with paintings of fat little Dutch shepherds and 
 shepherdesses, tending pigs, with boats sailing in the 
 air, and houses built in the clouds, and sundry other 
 ingenious Dutch fantasies. The beaux distinguished 
 themselves by their adroitness in replenishing this pot 
 from a huge copper tea-kettle, which would have made 
 the pigmy macaronies of these degenerate days sweat 
 merely to look at it. To sweeten the beverage, a lump of 
 sugar was laid beside each cup, and the company alter- 
 nately nibbled and sipped with great decorum ; until an 
 improvement was introduced by a shrewd and economic 
 old lady, which was to suspend a large lump directly 
 over the tea-table by a string from the ceiling, so that it 
 could be swung from mouth to mouth — an ingenious ex- 
 pedient, which is still kept up by some families in 
 Albany, but which prevails without exception in Com- 
 munipaw, Bergen, Flatbush, and all our uncontaminated 
 Dutch villages. 
 
 At these primitive tea-parties the utmost propriety and 
 dignity of deportment prevailed. No flirting nor coquet- 
 ting—no gambling of old ladies, nor hoyden chattering 
 and romping of young ones — no self-satisfied struttingi; 
 of wealthy gentlemen with their brains in their pocketii 
 — nor amusing conceits and monkey divertissements oJ! 
 smart young gentlemen with no brains at all. On tho 
 contrary, the young ladies seated themselves demurely in 
 their rush-bottomed chairs, and knit their own woollen 
 stockings ; nor ever opened their lips excepting to say 
 "yali ISIynlicer" or '■'■yali ya Vrcnnv" to any question that 
 was asked them ; behaving, in all things, like decent, 
 
144 HISTOKY OF NEW TOBK:. 
 
 well-educated damsels. As to the gentlemen, eacli of 
 them tranquilly smoked Ms pipe, and seemed lost in con- 
 templation of the blue and -wkite tiles with, which the 
 fireplaces were decorated ; wherein sundry passages of 
 Scripture were piously portrayed — Tobit and 'his dog 
 figured to great advantage, Haman swung conspicuously 
 on his gibbet, and Jonah appeared most manfully bouncing 
 out of the whale like Harlequin through a barrel of fire. 
 
 The parties broke up without noise and without con- 
 fusion. They were carried home by their own carriages, 
 that is to say, by the vehicles nature had provided them, 
 excepting such of the wealthy as could afford to keep » 
 waggon. The gentlemen gallantly attended their fair 
 ones to their respective abodes, and took leave of them 
 with a hearty smack at the door ; which, as it was an 
 established piece of etiquette, done in perfect simplicity 
 and honesty of heart, occasioned no scandal at that time, 
 nor should it at the present. If our great-grandfathers 
 approved of the custom, it would argue a great want of 
 reverence in their descendants to say a word against it. 
 
 CHAPTER IV. 
 In this dulcet period of my history, when the beauteous 
 -island of Manna-hata presented a scene the very counter- 
 :part of those glowing pictures drawn of the golden reign 
 •of Saturn, there was, as I have before observed, a happy 
 ignorance, an honest simplicity prevalent among its in- 
 habitants, which, were I even able to depict, would be 
 but little understood by the degenerate age for which I am 
 doomed to write. Even the female sex, those arch inno- 
 vators upon the tranq-uillity, the honesty, and grey-beard 
 customs of society, seemed for a while to conduct them- 
 selves with incredible sobriety and comeliness. 
 
 Their hair, untortured by the abominations of art, wa* 
 scrupulously pomatomed back from their foreheads witK 
 
HISTORY OP NEW TORK. 
 
 145 
 
 a candle, and covered with a little cap of quilted calico, 
 which fitted exactly to their heads. Their petticoats of 
 linsey-woolsey were striped with a variety of gorgeous 
 dye.s — though I must confess these gallant garments 
 were rather .short, scarce reaching below the knee ; but 
 then they made up in the number, which generally 
 equalled that of the gentleman's small clothes : and 
 what is still more praiseworthy, they were all of their 
 own manufacture — of which circumstance, as may well 
 be supposed, they were not a little vain. 
 
 These were the honest days, in which every woman 
 stayed at home, read the Bible, and wore pockets — ay, and 
 that too of a goodly size, fashioned with patchwork into 
 many curious devices, and ostentatiously worn on the 
 outside. These, in fact, were convenient receptacles, 
 where all good housewives carefully stored away such 
 things as they wished to have at hand, by which means 
 they often came to be incredibly crammed ; and I re- 
 member there was a story current, when I was a boy, that 
 the lady of Wouter Van Twiller once had occasion to 
 empty her right pocket in search of a wooden ladle, when 
 the contents filled a couple of corn baskets, and the 
 utensil was discovered lying among some rubbish in one 
 corner ; but we must not give too much faith to all these 
 Btories, the anecdotes of those remote periods being very 
 subject to exaggeration. 
 
 Besides these notable pockets, they likewise wore 
 scissors and pincushions suspended from their girdles by 
 red ribands, or among the more opulent and showy classes 
 by brass, and even silver, chains, indubitable tokens of 
 thrifty housewives and industrious spinsters. I cannot 
 Bay much in vindication of the shortness of the petticoats ; 
 it doubtless was introduced for the purpose of giving the 
 stockings a chance to l)e seen, which were generally of 
 blue worsted, with magnificent red clocks ; or perhaps to 
 display a well-turned ankle, and a neat thougb servio©-> 
 
146 
 
 HISTORY OV NEW YORK. 
 
 able foir^, set off by a higb-heeled leathern shoe, with a, 
 large and splendid silver buckle. Thus we find that the 
 gentle sex in all ages ha-^e shown the same disposition to 
 infringe a little upon the laws of decorum, in order to 
 betray a lurking beauty, or gratify an innocenb love of 
 finery. 
 
 From the sketch here given, it will be seen that our 
 good grandmothers differed considerably in their ideas of 
 a fine figure from their scantily-dressed descendants of 
 the present day. A fine lady, in those times, waddled 
 under more clothes, even on a fair summer's day, than 
 would have clad the whole bevy of a modern ball-room. 
 Nor were they the less admired by the gentlemen in con- 
 sequence thereof. On the contrary, the greatness of a 
 lover's passion seemed to increase in proportion to the 
 magnitude of its object ; and a voluminous damsel, 
 arrayed in a dozen of petticoats, was declared by a low 
 Dutch sonneteer of the province to be radiant as a sun- 
 flower, and luxuriant as a full-blown cabbage. Certain it 
 is that in those days the heart of a lover could not con- 
 tain more than one lady at a time, whereas the heart of a 
 modern gallant has often room enough to accommodate 
 half a dozen ; the reason of which I conclude to be, that 
 either the hearts of the gentlemen have grown larger, or 
 the persons of the ladies smaller ; this, however, is a 
 question for physiologists to determine. 
 
 But there was a secret charm in these petticoats, which, 
 no doubt, entered into the consideration of the prudent 
 gallants. The wardrobe of a lady was in those days her 
 only fortune ; and she who had a 'good stock of petticoats 
 and stockings was as absolutely an heiress as is a Kams- 
 cliatka damsel with a store of bear-skins, or a Lapland 
 belle with a plenty of reindeer. The ladies, therefore, 
 were very anxious to display these powerful attractions 
 to the greatest advantage ; and the best rooms in the 
 house, insteiad ot being adorned with caricatures of Dame 
 
HISTORY OF NEW YO:iK. 
 
 147 
 
 Nature, in water-colours and needlework, were always 
 hung round witli abundance of homespun garments, the 
 manufacture and the property of the females ; a piece 
 of laudable ostentation that still prevails among the 
 heiresses of our Dutch villages. 
 
 The gentlemen, in fact, who figured in the circles of 
 the gay world in these ancient times, corresponded, in 
 most particulars, with the beauteous damsels whose 
 dmiles they were ambitious to deserve. True it is, their 
 merits would make but a very inconsiderable impression 
 upon the heart of a modern fair ; they neither drove 
 their curricles nor sported their tandems, for as yet those 
 gaudy vehicles were not even dreamt of ; neither did 
 they distinguish themselves by their brilliancy at the 
 table, and their consequent rencontres with watchmen, for 
 our forefathers were of too pacific a disposition to need 
 those guardians of the night, every soul throughout the 
 town being sound asleep before nine o'clock. Neither 
 did they establish their claims to gentility at the expense 
 5f their tailors, for as yet those offenders against the 
 pockets of society, and the tranquillity of all aspiring 
 young gentlemen were unknown in New Amsterdam ; 
 every good housewife made the clothes of her husband 
 and family, and even the goede vrouw of Van Twiller 
 himself thought it no disparagement to cut out her hus- 
 band's linsey-woolsey galligaskins. 
 
 Not but what there Avere some two or three youngsters 
 who manifested the first dawning of what is called fire 
 and spirit, who held all labour in contempt, skulked about 
 docks and market-places, loitered in the sunshine, squan- 
 dered what little money they could procure at hustle-cap 
 and chuck-farthing ; swore, boxed, fought cocks, and 
 raced their neighbour's horses ; in short, who promised 
 bo be the wonder, the talk, and abomination of the town, 
 had not their stylish career been unfortunately cut short 
 by an affair of honour with a whipping-post. 
 
148 
 
 HISTOBY OF NEW TORK. 
 
 Far other, however, was the truly fashionable gentle, 
 man of those days ; his dress, which served for both 
 morning and evening, street and drawing-room, was 
 a linsey-woolsey coat, made, perhaps, by the fair hands 
 of the mistress of his afEections, and gallantly bedecked 
 with abundance of large brass buttons — half a score of 
 breeches heightened the proportions of his figure — ^his 
 shoes were decorated by enormous copper buckles — a low 
 crowned, broad-brimmed hat overshadowed his burly 
 visage, and his hair dangled down his back in a pro- 
 digious queue of eelskin. 
 
 Thus equipped, he would manfully sally forth with pipe 
 in mouth to besiege some fair damsel's obdurate heart — 
 not such a pipe, good reader, as that which Acis did 
 sweetly tune in praise of his Galatea, but one of true delf 
 manufacture, and furnished with a charge of fragrant 
 tobacco. With this would he resolutely set himself down 
 before the fortress, and rarely failed, in the process of 
 time, to smoke the fair enemy into a surrender upon 
 honourable terms. 
 
 Such was the happy reign of Wouter Van Twiller, cele- 
 brated in many a long-forgotten song as the real golden 
 age, the rest being nothing but counterfeit copper- washed 
 coin. In that delightful period a sweet and holy calm 
 reigned over the whole province. The burgomaster 
 smoked his pipe in peace ; the substantial solace of his 
 domestic cares, after her daily toils were done, sat soberly 
 at the door, with her arms crossed over her apron of 
 snowy white, without being insulted by ribald street- 
 walkers or vagabond boys — those unlucky urchins who 
 do so infest our streets, displaying under the roses of 
 youth the thorns and briars of iniquity. Then it was 
 that the lover with ten breeches, and the damsel with 
 petticoats of half a score, indulged in all the innocent 
 endearments of virtuous love without fear and without 
 reproach ; for what had that virtue to fear which was 
 
HISTORY OP NEW YORK. 
 
 149 
 
 defended by a sMeld of good linsey-wolseys, equal 'at least 
 to the seven bull-hides of the invincible Ajax ? 
 
 Ah ! blissful and never to be forgotten age I when 
 everything was better than it has ever been since, or ever 
 will be again — when Buttermilk Channel was quite dry 
 at low water — when the shad in the Hudson were all 
 salmon, and when the moon shone with a pure and re- 
 splendent whiteness, instead of that melancholy yellow 
 light which is the consequence of her sickening at the 
 abominations she every night witnesses in this degenerate 
 city I 
 
 Happy would it have been for New Amsterdam could it 
 always have existed in this state of blissful ignorance and 
 lowly simplicity ; but, alas I the days of childhood are too 
 sweet to last. Cities, like men, grow out of them in 
 time, and are doomed alike to grow into the bustle, the 
 cares, and miseries of the world. Let no man congratulate 
 himself when he beholds the child of his bosom, or the 
 city of his birth, increasing in magnitude and importance , 
 let the history of his own life teach him the dangers of 
 the one, and this excellent little history of Manna-hata 
 convince him of the calamities of the other. 
 
 CHAPTER V. 
 
 It has already been mentioned that, in the early times 
 of OlofEe the Dreamer, a frontier post, or trading house, 
 called Fort Aurania, had been established on the upper 
 waters of the Hudson, precisely on the site of the present 
 venerable city of Albany, which was at time considered 
 at the very end of the habitable world. It was, indeed, a 
 remote possession, with which, for a long time. New 
 jimsterdam held but little intercourse. Now and then 
 the " Company's Yacht," as it was called, was sent to the 
 Fort with supplies, and to bring away the peltries which 
 had been purchased of the Indians. It was liks an 
 
150 
 
 HXSTORY OF NEW YORK. 
 
 expedition to the Indias, or the North Pole, and always 
 made great talk in the settlement. Sometimes an ad- 
 venturous burgher would accompany the expedition, to 
 the great uneasiness of his friends : but, on his return, 
 had so many stories to tell of storms and tempests on the 
 Tappan Zee, of hobgoblins in the Highlands and at the 
 Devil's Dans Kammer, and of all the other wonders and 
 perils with which the river abounded in those early days, 
 that he deterred the less adventurous inhabitants from 
 following his example. 
 
 Matters were in this state, when, one day, as Walter 
 the Doubter and his burgermeesters were smoking and 
 pondering over the affairs of the province, they were 
 roused by the report of a cannon. Sallying forth, they 
 beheld a strange vessel at anchor in the bay ; it was un- 
 questionably of Dutch build, broad-bottomed and high- 
 pooped, and bore the flag of their High Mightinesses at 
 the mast-head. 
 
 After a while a boat put off for land, and a stranger 
 stepped on shore, a lofty, lordly kind of man, tall and 
 dry, with a meagre face, furnished with huge mustachios. 
 He was clad in Flemish doublet and hose, and an in- 
 sufferably tall hat, with a cocktail feather. Such was the 
 patroon Killian Van Rensellaer, who had come out from 
 Holland to found a colony or patroonship on a great tract 
 of wild land, granted to him by their High Mightinesses 
 the Lords States General, in the upper regions of the 
 Hudson. 
 
 Killian Van Rensellaer was a nine days' wonder in 
 New Amsterdam, for he carried a high head, looked down 
 upon the portly, short-legged burgomasters, and owned 
 no allegiance to the governor himself ; boasting that he 
 held his patroonship directly from the Lords States 
 General. 
 
 He tarried but a short time in New Amsterdam, 
 merely to beat up recruits for hio colony. Few, however. 
 
HISTORY OF NEW TOEK. 
 
 151 
 
 ventured to enlist for those remote and savagfe regions : 
 and when they embarked, their friends took leave of 
 them as if they should never see them more ; and stood 
 gazing with tearful eye as the stout, round-sterned little 
 vessel ploughed and splashed its way up the Hudson, with 
 great noise and little progress, taking nearly a day to get 
 out of sight of the city. 
 
 And now, from time to time, floated down tidings to 
 the Manhattoes of the growing importance of this new 
 colony. Every account represented Killian Van Ren- 
 sellaer as rising in importance and becoming a mighty 
 patroon in the land. He had received more recruits from 
 Holland His patroonship of Rensellaerwick lay im- 
 mediately below Fort Aurania, and extended for several 
 miles on each side of the Hudson, beside embracing the 
 mountainous region of the Helderberg. Over all this he 
 claimed to hold separate jurisdiction independent of the 
 colonial authorities at New Amsterdam. 
 
 All these assumptions of authority were duly reported 
 to Governor Van Twiller and his council, by dispatches 
 from Fort Aurania ; at each new report the governor and 
 his counsellors looked at each other, raised their eyebrows, 
 gave an extra puff or two of smoke, and then relapsed 
 into their usually tranquillity. 
 
 At length tidings came that the patroon of Rensellaer- 
 wick had extended his usurpations along the river, 
 beyond the limits granted him by their High Mighti- 
 nesses ; and that he had even seized upon a rocky island in 
 the Hudson, commonly known by the name of Beern or 
 Bear's Island ; where he was erecting a fortress, to be 
 called by the lordly name of Rensellaersteen. 
 
 Wouter Van Twiller was roused by this intelligence. 
 After consulting with his burgomasters, he dispatched a 
 letter to the patroon of Rensellaerwick, demanding by 
 what right he had seized upon this island, which lay 
 beyond the bounds of his patroonship. The answer of 
 
152 
 
 HISTOEY OF NEW YOEK. 
 
 Killian Van Rensellaer was in his own lordly style, " By 
 wapen reoJit / ' that is to say, by the right of arms, or in 
 common parlance, by club-law. This answer plunged the 
 worthy Wouter in one of the deepest doubts h.e had in the 
 whole course of his administration ; in the meantime 
 while Wouter doubted, the lordly Killian went on to finish 
 his fortress of Rensellaersteen, about which I foresee I 
 shall have something to record in a future chapter of this 
 most eventful history. 
 
 CHAPTER VI. 
 
 In the year of our Lord one thousand eight hundred and 
 four, on a fine afternoon in the glowing month of Sep- 
 tember, I took my customary walk upon the battery, 
 which is at once the pride and bulwark of this ancient 
 a.nd impregnable city of New York. The ground on 
 which I trod was hallowed by recollections of the past, 
 •and as I slowly wandered through the long alley of 
 poplars, which, like so many birch-brooms standing on 
 end, diffused a melancholy and lugubrious shade, my 
 imagination drew a contrast between the surrounding 
 scenery, and what it was in the classic days of our fore- 
 fathers. Where the government house by name, but the 
 custom house by occupation, proudly reared its brick 
 walls and wooden pillars, there whilom stood the low, 
 but substantial red-tiled mansion of the renowned 
 Wouter Van Twiller. Around it the mighty bulwarks of 
 Fort Amsterdam frowned defiance to every absent foe ; 
 but, like many a whiskered warrior and gallant militia 
 captain, confined their martial deeds to frowns alone. 
 The mud breastworks had long been levelled with the 
 earth, and their site converted into the green lawns and 
 leafy alleys of the battery, where the gay apprentice 
 sported his Sunday coat, and the laborious mechanic, 
 relieved from the dirt -and drudgery of the week, poured 
 
HISTORY OF NEW TORK. 
 
 153 
 
 his weekly tale of love into the half -averted ear of the 
 sentimental chambermaid. The capacious bay still pre- 
 sented the same expansive sheet of water, studded with 
 islands, sprinkled with fishing boats, and bounded by shores 
 of picturesque beauty. But the dark forests which once 
 clothed those shores had been violated by the savage 
 hand of cultivation, and their tangled mazes and impene- 
 trable thickets had degenerated into teeming orchards 
 and waving fields of grain. Even Governor's Island, 
 once a smiling garden appertaining to the sovereigns of 
 the province, was now covered with fortifications, in- 
 closing a tremendous block-house ; so that this once 
 peaceful island resembled a fierce little warrior in a big 
 cocked hat, breathing gunpowder and defiance to the 
 world ! 
 
 For some time did I indulge in a pensive train of 
 thought, contrasting in sober sadness the present day 
 with the hallowed years behind the mountains, lamenting 
 the melancholy progress of improvement, and praising 
 the zeal ^^dth which our worthy burghers endeavour to 
 preserve the wrecks of venerable customs, prejudices, and 
 errors, from the overwhelming tide of modern innova- 
 tion ; when, by degrees, my ideas took a different turn, 
 and I insensibly awakened to an enjoyment of the 
 beauties around me. 
 
 It was one of those rich autumnal days, which heaven 
 particularly bestows upon the beauteous island of Manna- 
 hata and its vicinity ; not a floating cloud obscured the 
 azure firmament ; the sun rolling in glorious splendour 
 through his ethereal course, seemed to expand his honest 
 Dutch countenance into an unusual expression of bene- 
 volence, as he smiled his evening salutation upon a city 
 which he delights to visit with his most bounteous beams ; 
 the very winds seemed to hold in their breaths in mute 
 attention, lest they should ruffle the tranquillity of the 
 
154 
 
 EISTOKT OF NEW YORK. 
 
 hour ; and the waveless bosom of the bay presented a 
 polished mirror, in which Nature beheld herself and 
 smiled. The standard of our city, reserved like a choice 
 handkerchief for days of gala, hung motionless on the 
 flag-staif, which forms the handle of a gigantic churn ; 
 and even the tremulous leaves of the poplar and the 
 aspen ceased to vibrate to the breath of heaven. Every- 
 thing seemed to acquiesce in the profound repose of 
 Nature. The formidable eighteen-pounders slept in the 
 embrasures of the wooden batteries, seemingly gathering 
 fresh strength to fight the battles of th-eir country on 
 the next fourth of July ; the solitary drum on G-overnor's 
 Island forgot to call the garrison to their shovels ; the 
 evening gun had not yet sounded its signal for all the 
 regalar well-meaning poultry throughout the country to 
 go to roost ; and the fleet of canoes at anchor between 
 Gibbet Island and Communipaw slumbered on their 
 rakes, and suffered the innocent oysters to lie for a while 
 unmolested in the soft mud of their native banks. My 
 own feelings sympathised with the contagious tran- 
 quillity, and I should infallibly have dozed upon one of 
 those iragments of benches which our benevolent magis- 
 trates have provided for the benefit of convalescent 
 loungers had not the extraordinary inconvenience of the 
 couch set all repose at defiance. 
 
 In the midst of this slumber of the soul my attention 
 was attracted to a black speck, peering above the western 
 horizon, just in the rear of Bergen steeple ; gradually it 
 augments and overhangs the would-be cities of Jersey, 
 Harsimus, and Hoboken, which, like three jockeys, are 
 starting on the course of existence, and jostling each 
 other at the commencement of the race. Now it skirts the 
 long shore of ancient Pavonia, spreading its wide shadows 
 from the high settlements of Weehawk quite to the laza- 
 retto and quarantine, erected by the sagacity of our police 
 
HISTORY OF NEW YOKK. 
 
 155 
 
 for the embarrassment of commerce ; now it climbs tlie 
 serene vault of heaven, cloud rolling over cloud, shroud- 
 ing the Orb of day, darkening the vast expanse, and bear- 
 ing thunder, and hail, and tempest, in its bosom. The 
 earth seems agitated at the confusion of the heavens — 
 the late waveless mirror is lashed into furious waves, 
 that roll in hollow murmurs to the shore — the oyster 
 boats that erst sported in the placid vicinity of Gibbet 
 Island, now hurry affrighted to the land — the poplar 
 writhes and twists, and whistles in the blast — torrents of 
 drenching rain and sounding hail deluge the battery 
 walks— the gates are thronged by apprentices, servant- 
 maids, and little Frenchmen, with pocket-handkerchiefs 
 over their hats, scampering from the storm — the late 
 beauteous prospect presents one scene of anarchy and 
 wild uproar, as though old Chaos had resumed his reign, 
 and was hurling back into one vast turmoil the conflict- 
 ing elements of Nature. 
 
 Whether I fled from the fury of the storm, or remained 
 boldly at my post, as our gallant train-band captains, 
 who march their soldiers through the rain without 
 flinching, are points which I leave to the conjecture of 
 the reader. It is possible he may be a little perplexed 
 also to know the reason why I introduced this tre- 
 mendous tempest to disturb the serenity of my work. 
 On this latter point I will gratuitously instruct his 
 ignorance. The panorama view of the battery was 
 given merely to gratify the reader with a correct de- 
 scription of that celebrated place, and the parts adja- 
 cent ; secondly, the storm was played off partly to give 
 a little bustle and life to this tranquil part of my work, 
 and to keep my drowsy readers from falling asleep, 
 and partly to serve as an overture to the tempestuous 
 times which are about to assail the pacific province of 
 Nieuw Nederlandts, and which overhang the slumbrous 
 
166 
 
 HISTOHY OF NEW YORK. 
 
 administration of the renowned Wouter Van Twiller. It ia 
 thus the experienced playwright puts all the fiddles, the 
 French-horns, the kettle-drums, and trumpets of his 
 orchestra, in requisition, to usher in one of those horrible 
 and brimstone uproars called melodrames ; and it is thus 
 he discharges his thunder, his lightning, his rosin, and 
 saltpetre, preparatory to the rising of a ghost, or the 
 mui-dering of a hero. We will now proceed with our 
 history. 
 
 Whatever may be advanced by philosophers to the 
 contrary, I am of opinion that, as to nations, the old 
 maxim, that " honesty is the best policy," is a sheer and 
 ruinous mistake. It might have answered well enough 
 in the honest times when it was made ,- but, in these 
 degenerate days, if a nation pretends to rely merely upon 
 the justice of its dealings, it will fare something like the 
 honest man who fell among thieves, and found his 
 honesty a poor protection against bad company. Such, 
 at least, was the case with the guileless government of 
 the New Netherlands ; which, like a worthy, unsus- 
 picious old burgher, quietly settled itself down in the 
 city of New Amsterdam as into a snug elbow-chair, and • 
 fell into a comfortable nap, while, in the meantime, its 
 cunning neighbours stepped in and picked its pockets. 
 In a word, we may ascribe the commencement of all the 
 woes of this great province and its magnificent metro- 
 polis to the tranquil security, or, to speak more accurately, 
 to the unfortunate honesty of its government. But as I 
 dislike to begin an important part of my history towards 
 the end of a chapter; and as my readers, like myself, 
 must doubtless be exceedingly fatigued with the long 
 walk we have taken, and the tempest we have sustained, 
 I hold it meet we shut up the book, smoke a pipe, and 
 having thus refreshed our spirits, take a fair start in a 
 new chapter. 
 
HISTORY or NEW YORK. 
 
 157 
 
 CHAPTER VII. 
 
 That my readers may the more fully comprehend the 
 extent of the calamity at this very moment impending 
 over the honest, unsuspecting province of Xieuw Neder- 
 landts and its dubious governor, it is neoessary that I 
 should give some account of a horde of strange bar- 
 barians bordering upon the eastern frontier. 
 
 Xow so it came to pass that, many years previous to 
 the time of which we are treating, the sage Cabinet of 
 England had adopted a certain national creed, a kind of 
 public walk of faith, or rather a religious turnpike, in 
 which every loyal subject was directed to travel to Zion, 
 taking care to pay the toll-gatherers by the way. 
 
 Albeit a certain shrewd race of men, being very much 
 given to indulge their own opinions on all manner of 
 subjects (a propensity exceedingly offensive to your free 
 governments of Europe), did most presumptuously dare 
 to think for themselves in matters of religion, exercising 
 what they considered a natural and unextiaguishable 
 right — the liberty of conscience. 
 
 As, however, they possessed that ingenuous habit of 
 mind which always thinks aloud — ^which rides cock-a- 
 hoop on the tongue, and is for ever galloping into other 
 people's ears — it naturally followed that their liberty 
 of conscience likewise implied liberty of speech, which 
 being freely indulged, soon put the country in a hubbub, 
 and aroused the pious indignation of the vigilant fathers 
 of the Church. 
 
 The usual methods were adopted to reclaim them, 
 which in those days were considered efficacious in 
 bringing back stray sheep to the fold ; that is to say, 
 they were coaxed, they were admonished, they were 
 menaced, they were buffeted — line upon line, precept 
 upon precept, lash upon lash, here a little and there a 
 
158 
 
 HISTORY OF KEW YORK. 
 
 great deal, were exhausted -withotit mercy and without 
 success ; until tlie worthy pastors of the Church, wearied 
 out by their unparalleled stubbornness, were driven in 
 the excess of their tender mercy to adopt the Scripture 
 text, and literally to " heap live embers on their heads." 
 
 Nothing, however, could subdue that independence of 
 the tongue which has ever distinguished this singular 
 race, so that, rather than subject that heroic member to 
 further tyranny, they one and all embarked for the 
 wilderness of America, to enjoy, unmolested, the inestim- 
 able right of talking. And, in fact, no sooner did they 
 land upon the shore of this free-spoken country, than 
 they all lifted up their voices, and made such a clamour 
 of tongues, that we are told they frightened every bird 
 and beast out of the neighbourhood, and struck such 
 mute terror into certain fish, that they have been called 
 dumb-fish ever since. 
 
 This may appear marvellous, but it is nevertheless 
 true ; in proof of which I would observe, that the 
 dumb-fish has ever since become an object of supersti- 
 tious reverence, and forms the Saturday's dinner of every 
 true Yankee. 
 
 The simple aborigines of the land for a while con- 
 templated these strange folk in utter astonishment, but 
 discovering that they wielded harmless, though noisy 
 weapons, and were a lively, ingenious, good-humoured 
 race of men, they became very friendly and sociable, and 
 gave them the name of Yanokies, which in the Mais- 
 Tchusaeg (or Massachusett) language signifies silent men 
 —a waggish appellation, since shortened into the familiar 
 epithet of Yankees, which they retain unto the present 
 day. 
 
 True it is, and my fidelity as an historian will not 
 allow me to pass over the fact, that having served a re- 
 gular apprenticeship in the school of persecution, these 
 
HISTOET OF NEW YORK. 
 
 159 
 
 ingenious people soon showed that they had become 
 masters of the art. The great majority were of one 
 particular mode of thinking in matters of religion ; but, 
 to their great surprise and indignation, they found that 
 divers Papists, Quakers, and Anabaptists were springing 
 up among them, and all claiming to use the liberty of 
 speech. This was at once pronounced a daring abuse of 
 the liberty of conscience, which they now insisted was 
 nothing more than the liberty to think as one pleased in 
 matters of religion, provided one thought right ; for 
 otherwise it would be giving a latitude to damnable 
 heresies. Now as they, the majority, were convinced 
 that they alone thought right, it consequently followed 
 that whoever thought different from them thought 
 wrong ; and whoever thought wrong, and obstinately 
 persisted in not being convinced and converted, was a 
 flagrant violator of the inestimable liberty of conscience, 
 and a corrupt and infectious member of the body politic, 
 and deserved to be lopped off and cast into the fire. The 
 consequence of all which was a fiery persecution of divers 
 sects, and especially of Quakers. 
 
 Now I'll warrant there are hosts of my readers ready 
 at once to lift up their hands and eyes, with that 
 virtuous indignation with which we contemplate the 
 faults and errors of our neighbours, and to exclaim at 
 the preposterous idea of convincing the mind by torment- 
 ing the body, and establishing the doctrine of charity and 
 forbearance by intolerant persecution. But, in simple 
 truth, what are we doing at this very day, and in this 
 very enlightened nation, but acting upon the very same 
 principle in our political controversies ? Have we not, 
 within but a few years, released ourselves from the 
 Bhackles of a government which cruelly denied us the 
 privilege of governing ourselves, and using in full 
 latitude that invaluable member, the tongue ? and are wa 
 
160 HISTORY OF NEW YORK. 
 
 not at this very moment striving our best to tyrannise 
 over the opinions, tie up the tongues, and ruin the 
 fortunes of one another ? What are our great political 
 societies but mere political inquisitions — our pot-house 
 committees but little tribunals of denunciation — our 
 newspapers but mere whipping-posts and pillories, where 
 unfortunate individuals are pelted with rotten eggs — 
 and our council of appointment but a grand auto-da-fe, 
 where culpritv? are annually sacrificed for their political 
 heresies ? 
 
 Where, then, is the difference in principle between our 
 measures and those you are so ready to condemn among 
 the people I am treating of ? There is none ; the 
 difference is merely circumstantial. Thus we denounce, 
 instead of banishing — we libel, instead of scourging — we 
 turn out of office, instead of hanging — and where they 
 burnt an offender in proper person, we either tar and 
 feather, or burn him in eflBlgy — this political persecution 
 being, somehow or other, the grand palladium of our 
 liberties, and an incontrovertible proof that this is a free 
 country ! 
 
 But notwithstanding the fervent zeal with which this 
 holy war was prosecuted against the whole race of 
 unbelievers, we do not find that the population of this 
 new colony was in anywise hindered thereby ; on the 
 contrary, they multiplied to a degree which would be 
 incredible to any man unacquainted with the marvellous 
 fecundity of this growing country. 
 
 This amazing increase may, indeed, be partly ascribed 
 to a singular custom prevalent among them, commonly 
 known by the name of bundling — a superstitious rite 
 observed by the young people of both sexes, with which 
 they usually terminated their festivities, and which was 
 kept up with religious strictness by the more bigoted part 
 of the community. This ceremony was likewise, in those 
 
HIST0E1 OF NEW YOEK, 
 
 161 
 
 primitive times, considered as an indispensable pre- 
 liminary to matrimony, their courtships commencing 
 where ours usually finish ; by which means they acquired 
 that intimate acquaintance with each other's good 
 qualities before marriage, which has been pronounced by 
 philosophers the sure basis of a happy union. Thus 
 early did this cunning and ingenious people display a 
 shrewdness of making a bargain which has ever since 
 distinguished them, and a strict adherence to the good 
 old vulgar maxim about " buying a pig in a poke." 
 
 To this sagacious custom, therefore, do I chiefly 
 attribute the unparalleled increase of the Yanokie or 
 Yankee race : for it is a certain fact, well authenticated 
 by court records and parish registers, that wherever the 
 practice, of bundling prevailed, there was an amazing 
 number of sturdy brats annually born unto the state, 
 without the licence of the law or the benefit of clergy. 
 Neither did the irregularity of their birth operate in the 
 least to their disparagement. On the contrary, they 
 grew up a long-sided, raw-boned, hardy race of whalers, 
 wood-cutters, fishermen, and pedlars, and strapping 
 corn-fed wenches, who, by their united efforts, tended 
 marvellously towards peopling those notable tracts of 
 country called Nantucket, Piscataway, and CapeCod. 
 
 CHAPTER VIIL 
 In the last otapter I have given a faithful and unpre- 
 judiced account of the origin of that singular race of 
 people inhabiting the country eastward of the Nieuw 
 Nederlandts, but I have yet to mention certain peculiar 
 habits which rendered them exceedingly annoying to our 
 ever-honoured Dutch ancestors. 
 The most prominent of these was a certain rambling 
 
 I 
 
■'62 
 
 HISTORY OF NEW YOBK. 
 
 propensity with, which, like the sons of Ishmael, they 
 seem to have been gifted by Heaven, and which con- 
 tinually goads them on to shift their residence from place 
 to place, so that a Yankee farmer is in a constant state 
 of migration, tarrying occasionally here and there, clear- 
 ing lands for other people to enjoy, building houses for 
 others to inhabit, and in a manner may be considered the 
 wandering Arab of America. 
 
 His first thought, on coming to the years of manhood, 
 is to settle himself in the world — which means nothing 
 SQore nor less than to begin his rambles. To this end 
 he takes unto himself for a wife some buxom country 
 heiress, passing rich in red ribbons, glass beads, and 
 mock - tortoiseshell combs, with a white gown and 
 morocco shoes for Sunday, and deeply skilled in the 
 mystery of making apple sweetmeats, long sauce, and 
 pumpkin pie. 
 
 Having thus provided himself, like a pedlar, with a 
 heavy knapsack, wherewith to regale his shoulders 
 through the journey of life, he literally sets out on the 
 peregrination. His whole family, household furniture, 
 and farming utensils are hoisted into a covered cart ; his 
 own and his wife's wardrobe packed up in a firkin ; 
 which done, he shoulders his axe, takes staif in hand, 
 whistles " Yankee doodle.," and trudges off to the woods, 
 as confident of the protection of Providence, and rely- 
 ing as cheerfully upon his own resources, as did ever a 
 patriarch of yore, when he journeyed into a strange 
 country of the G-entiles. Having buried himself in the 
 wilderness, he builds himself a log hut, clears away a 
 corn-field and potato patch, and, Providence smiling upon 
 his labours, is soon surrounded by a snug farm and some 
 half a score of flaxen-headed urchins, who, by their size, 
 seem to have sprung all at once out of the earth like & 
 crop of toadstools. 
 
 / 
 
HISTOKY OF NEW TOBK. 
 
 163 
 
 But it is not the nature of this most indefatigable of 
 epeculators to rest contented with any state of sublunary 
 enjoyment ; improvement is his darling passion, and 
 having thus improved his lands, the next care is to pro- 
 vide a mansion worthy the residence of a landholder. A 
 hiige palace of pine boards immediately springs up in the 
 midst of the wilderness, large enough for a parish church, 
 and furnished with windows of all dimensions, but bo 
 rickety and flimsy withal, that every blast gives it a fit 
 of the ague. 
 
 By the time the outside of this mighty air castle ia 
 completed, either the funds or the zeal of our adventurer 
 are exhausted, so that he barely manages to half finish 
 one room within, where the whole family burrow to- 
 gether, while the rest of the house is devoted to the curing 
 of pumpkins, or storing of carrots and potatoes, and is 
 decorated with fanciful festoons of dried apples and 
 peaches. The outside, remaining unpainted, grows vener- 
 ably black with time ; the family wardrobe is laid under 
 contribution for old hats, petticoats, and breeches, to 
 stuff into the broken windows, while the four winds of 
 heaven keep up a whistling and howling about this 
 aerial palace, and play as many unruly gambols as they 
 did of yore in the cave of old -lEolus. 
 
 The humble log hut which whilom nestled this im- 
 proving family snugly within its narrow but comfortable 
 walls, stands hard by, in ignominious contrast, degraded 
 into a cow-house or pig-sty ; and the whole scene reminds 
 one forcibly of a fable, which I am surprised has never 
 been recorded, of an aspiring snail who abandoned his 
 humble habitation, which he had long filled with great 
 respectability, to crawl into the empty shell of a lobster, 
 where he woul4 no doubt have resided with great style 
 and splendour, the envy and the hate of all the pains- 
 taking snails in the neighbourhood, had he not perished 
 with cold in one comer of his stupendous mansion. 
 
164 
 
 HISTORY OF NEW TOEK. 
 
 Being tlius completely settled, and, to use Ws own 
 words, "to rights," one would imagine that he would 
 begin to enjoy the comforts of his situation, to read 
 newspapers, talk politics, neglect his own business, and 
 attend to the affairs of the nation like a useful and 
 patriotic citizen ; but now it is that his wayward dis- 
 position begins again to operate. He soon grows tired of a 
 spot where there is no longer any room for improvement 
 — sells his farm, air castle, petticoat windows and all, 
 reloads his cart, shoulders his axe, puts himself at the 
 head of his family, and wanders away in search of new 
 lands — again to fell trees — again to clear corn-fields— 
 again to build a shingle palace, and again to sell off and 
 wander. 
 
 Such were the people of Conuecticut, who bordered 
 upon the eastern frontier of Nieuw Nederlandts, and my 
 readers may easily imagine what uncomfortable neigh- 
 bours this light-hearted but restless tribe must have been 
 to our tranquil progenitors. If they cannot, I would ask 
 them if they have ever known one of our regular, well- 
 organised Dutch families, whom it hath pleased Heaven to 
 afflict with the neighbourhood of a French boarding- 
 house? The honest old burgher cannot take his after- 
 noon's pipe on the bench before his door but he is 
 persecuted with the scraping of fiddles, the chattering of 
 women, and the squalling of children ; lie oumot elesp at 
 night for the horrible melodies of some amateur, who 
 chooses to serenade the moon, and display his terrible pro- 
 ficiency in exec%ition on the clarionet, hautboy, or soma 
 other soft-toned instrument ; nor can he leave the street 
 door open, but his house is defiled by the unsavoury visits 
 of a troop of pug dogs, who even sometimes carry their 
 loathsome ravages into the sanctum sanctorum, the 
 parlour. 
 
 If my readers have ever witnessed, the sufferings of aucsh 
 
HISTOET OF NEW YOBK. 
 
 165 
 
 .1 family, so situated, they may form some idea how our 
 ■worthy ancestors were distressed by their mercurial 
 neighbours of Connecticut. 
 
 Gangs of these marauders, we are told, penetrated into 
 the New-Netherland settlements, and threw whole vil- 
 lages into consternation by their unparalleled volubility, 
 and their intolerable inquisitiveness — two evil habits 
 hitherto unknown in those parts, or only known to be 
 abhorred ; for our ancestors were noted as being men of 
 truly Spartan taciturnity, and who neither knew noi 
 cared aught about anybody's concerns but their own. 
 Many enormities were committed on the highways, where 
 several unoffending burgher? were brought to a stand, 
 and tortured with questions and guesses, which outrages 
 occasioned as much vexation and heart-burning as does 
 the modem right of search on the high seas. 
 
 Great jealousy did they likewise stir up by their inter- 
 meddling and successes among the divine sex, for being a 
 race of brisk, likely, pleasant-tongued varlets, they soon 
 seduced the light affections of the simple damsels from 
 their ponderous Dutch gallants. Among other hideous 
 customs, they attempted to introduce among them that of 
 iundling, which the Dutch lasses of the Xederlandts, with 
 that eager passion for novelty and foreign fashions 
 natural to their sex, seemed very well inclined to follow, 
 but that their mothers, being more experienced in the 
 world, and better acquainted with men and things, 
 strenuously discountenanced all such outlandish innova- 
 tions. 
 
 But what chiefly operated to embroil our ancestors with 
 these strange folk was an unwarrantable liberty which 
 they occasionally took of entering in hordes into the 
 territories of the New Netherlands, and settling themselves 
 down, without leave or licence, to improve the land in the 
 manner I have before noticed. This unceremonious mode 
 
166 
 
 HISTOKY OF NEW YORK. 
 
 of takin"; possession of new land was teclmically uermeid 
 squMtiiuj, and hence is derived the appellation of .squat- 
 ters, a name odious in the ears of all great landholders, 
 and which is given to those enterprising worthies who 
 seize upon land first, and take their chance to make good 
 their title to it afterwards. 
 
 All these grievances, and many others which were con- 
 stantly accumulating, tended to form that dark and 
 portentous cloud which, as I observed in a former chapter, 
 was slowly gathering over the tranquil province of New 
 Netherlands. The pacific cabinet of Van Twiller, how- 
 ever, as will be perceived in the sequel, bore them all with 
 a magnanimity that redounds to their immortal credit, 
 becoming by passive endurance inured to this increasing 
 mass of wrongs, like that mighty man of old, who by 
 dint of carrying about a calf from the time it was 
 bom, continued to carry it without difficulty when it had 
 grown to be an ox. 
 
 CHAPTER IX. 
 By this time my readers must fully perceive what an 
 arduous task I have undertaken— exploring a little kind 
 of Herculaneum of history, which had lain nearly foi- 
 ages buried under the rubbish of years, and almost totally 
 forgotten ; raking up the limbs and fragments of dis- 
 jointed facts, and endeavouring to put them scrupulously 
 together, so as to restore them to their original form and 
 connection ; now lugging forth the character of an almost 
 forgotten hero, like a mutilated statue ; now deciphering 
 a half-defaced inscription, and now lighting upon a 
 mouldering manuscript, which, after painful study, scarce 
 repays the trouble of perusal. 
 
 In such case how much has the reader to depend upon 
 the honour and probity of his author, lest, like a cunninu 
 
HISTORV OF ^JiiW iOEK. 
 
 1C7 
 
 antiquarian, he either impose upon him some spurious 
 fabrication of his own for a precious relic from antiquity, 
 or else dress up the dismembered fragment with such 
 false trappings, that it is scaroely possible to distinguish 
 the truth from the fiction with which it is enveloped. 
 This is a grievance which I have more than once had 
 to lament, in the course of my wearisome researches 
 among the works of my fellow-historians, who have 
 strangely disguised and distorted the facts respecting this 
 country, and particularly respecting the great province 
 of Xew Netherlands, as will be perceived by any who 
 will take the trouble to compare their romantic effusions, 
 tricked out in the meretricious gauds of fable, with this 
 authentic history. 
 
 I have had more vexations of the kind to encounter, in 
 those parts of my history which treat of the transactions 
 on the eastern border than in any other, in consequence 
 of the troops of historians who have infested those quar- 
 ters, and have shown the honest people of Nieuw Neder- 
 landts no mercy in their works. Among the rest, Mr. 
 Benjamin Trumbull arrogantly declares that " the Dutch 
 were always mere intruders." Now, to this I shall make 
 no other reply than to proceed in the steady narration of 
 my history, which will contain not only proofs that the 
 Dutch had clear title and possession in the fair valleys of 
 the Connecticut, and that they were wrongfully dispos- 
 sessed thereof, but, likewise, that they have been scandal- 
 ously maltreated ever since by the misrepresentations of 
 the crafty historians of New England. And in this I shall 
 be guided by a spirit of truth and impartiality, and a 
 regard to immortal fame ; for I would not wittingly dis- 
 honour my work by a single falsehood, misrepresentation, 
 or prejudice, though it should gain our forefathers the 
 whole country of New England. 
 
 I have already noticed, in a former chapter of my 
 
168 
 
 HISTORY OF NEVf YOEK. 
 
 history, that the territories of the Nieuw-Nederlandts ex- 
 tended on the east quite to the Varsche, or Fresh, or Con- 
 necticut river. Here, at an early period, had been estab- 
 lislied a frontier post on the bank of the river, and called 
 Fort G-oed Hoop, not far from the site of the present fair 
 city of Hartford. It was placed under the command of 
 Jacobus Van Curlet, or Ourlis, as some historians will have 
 it, a doughty soldier, of that stomachf ul class famous for 
 eating all they kill. He was long in the body and short 
 in the limb, as though a tall man's body had been mounted 
 on a little man's legs. He made up for this turnspit con- 
 struction by striding to such an extent, that you would 
 have sworn he had on the seven-leagued boots of Jack 
 the G-iant-Killer ; and so high did he tread on parade, 
 that his soldiers were sometimes alarmed lest he should 
 trample himself under foot. 
 
 But notwithstanding the erection of this fort, and the 
 appointment of this ugly little man of war as commander, 
 the Yankees continued the interlopings hinted at in my 
 last chapter, and at length had the audacity to squat 
 themselves down within the jurisdiction of Fort Goed 
 Hoop. 
 
 The long-bodied Van Curlet protested with great spirit 
 against these unwarrantable encroachments, couching 
 his protest in Low Dutch, by way of inspiring more 
 terror, and forthwith despatched a copy of the protest to 
 the governor at New Amsterdam, together with a long 
 and bitter account of the aggressions of the enemy. This 
 done, he ordered his men, one and all, to be of good cheer, 
 shut the gate of the fort, smoked three pipes, went to 
 bed, and awaited the result with a resolute and intrepid 
 tranquillity, that greatly animated his adherents, and, no 
 doubt, struck sore dismay and affright into the hearts of 
 the enemy. 
 
 Now it came to pass that, about this time, the renowned 
 
HISTORY OF NEW YORK. 
 
 169 
 
 Wouter Van Twiller, full of years and honours, and 
 council dinners, had reached the period of life and faculty 
 which, according to the great Gulliver, entitles a man 
 to admission into the ancient order of Struldbruggs. He 
 employed his time in smoking his Turkish pipe amid an 
 assemblage of sages equally enlightened, and nearly as 
 venerable, as himself, and who, for their silence, their 
 gravity, their wisdom, and their cautious averseness to 
 coming to any conclusion in business, are only to be 
 equalled by certain profound corporations which I have 
 known in my time. Upon reading the protest of the gallant 
 Jacobus Van Curlet, therefore. His Excellency fell straight- 
 way into one of the deepest doubts that ever he was kno^vn 
 to encounter ; his capacious head gradually drooped on 
 his chest, he closed his eyes, and inclined his ear to one 
 side, as if listening with great attention to the discussion 
 that was going on in his belly, and which all who knew him 
 declared to be tho huge court-house or coimcil-chamber of 
 his thoughts, forming to his head what the House of Repre- 
 sentatives does to the senate. An inarticulate sound, very 
 much resembling a snore, occasionally escaped him; but the 
 nature of this internal cogitation was never known, as 
 he never opened his lips on the subject to man, woman, or 
 child. In the meantime, the protest of Van Curlet lay 
 quietly on the table, where it served to light the pipes of 
 the venerable sages assembled in council ; and, in the great 
 smoke which they raised, the gallant Jacobus, his protest, 
 and his mighty fort Goed Hoop, were soon as completely 
 beclouded and forgotten, as is a question of emergency 
 swallowed up in the speeches and resolutions of a modem 
 Bession of Congress. 
 
 There are certain emergencies when your profound 
 legislators and sage deliberative ooimcils are mightily 
 in the way of a nation, and when an ounce of hair-brained 
 decision is worth a pound of sage doubt and cautioua 
 
17L 
 
 HISTORY OF NEW YOEK. 
 
 discussion. Sncb., at least, was the case at present ; for 
 while the renowned Wouter Van Twiller was daily 
 battling with his doubts, and Ms resolution growing 
 weaker and weaker in the contest, the enemy pushed 
 farther and farther into his territories, and assumed a 
 most formidable appearance in the neighbourhood of the 
 Fort Goed Hoop. Here they founded the mighty town of 
 Pyqitag, or, as it has since been called, WratJiersfield— 
 a place which, if we m&j credit the assertions of that 
 worthy historian, John Josselyn, gent., " hath been in- 
 famous by reason of the witches therein." And so daring 
 did these men of Pyquag become, that they extended 
 those plantations of onions, for which their town is 
 illustrious, under the very noses of the garrison of Fort 
 G-oed Hoop, insomuch that the honest Dutchmen could 
 not l ook toward that quarter without tears in their eyes. 
 
 This crying inju.stice was regarded with proper indigna- 
 tion by the gallant Jacobus Van Curlet. He absolutely 
 trembled with the violence of his choler and the exacer- 
 bations of his valour, which were the more turbulent in 
 their workings from the length of the body in which 
 they were agitated. He forthwith proceeded to 
 strengthen his redoubts, heighten his breastworks, deepen 
 his fosse, and fortify his position with a double row of 
 abattis ; after which he despatched a fresh courier with 
 accounts of his perilous situation. 
 
 The courier chosen to bear the despatches was a fat, 
 oily little man, as being less liable to be worn out or to 
 lose leather on the iourney ; and, to insure his speed, he 
 was mounted on the fleetest waggon horse in the garrison, 
 remarkable for length of limb, largeness of bone, and 
 hardness of trot ; and so tall, that the little messenger 
 was obliged to climb on his back by means of his tail and 
 crupper. Such extraordinary speed did he make, that he 
 arrived at Fort Amsterdam in a little less than a month- 
 
HISTORY OF NEW YOUK. 
 
 m 
 
 tliougli the distance was full two hundred pipes, or abou t 
 one hundred and twenty miles, 
 
 ^Vith an appearance of great hurry and business, and 
 smoking a short travelling-pipe, he proceeded on a long 
 swing trot through the muddy lanes of the metropolis, 
 demolishing whole batches of dirt pies which the 
 little Dutch children were making in the road, and for 
 which kind of pastry the children of this city have ever 
 been famous, pn arriving at the governor's house, he 
 climbed down from his steed, roused the grey-headed 
 doorkeeper, old Skaats, who, like his lineal descendant 
 and faithful representative, the venerable crier of our 
 court, was nodding at his post, rattled at the door of the 
 council chamber, and startled the members as they were 
 dozing over a plan for establishing a public market. 
 
 At that very moment a gentle grunt, or rather a deep'- 
 drawn snore, was heard from the chair of the governor ; a 
 whiif of smoke was at the same instant observed to escapa 
 from his lips, and a light cloud to ascend from the bowl 
 of his pipe. The council, of course, supposed him en- 
 gaged in deep sleep for the good of the community, and, 
 according to custom in all such cases established, every 
 man bawled out " Silence ! " when, of a sudden, the door Q.ev 
 open, and the little courier straddled into the apartment 
 cased to the middle in a pair of Hessian boots, which he had 
 got into for the sake of expedition. In his right hand he 
 held forth the ominous despatches, and with his left he 
 grasped firmly the waistband of his galligaskins, which 
 had unfortunately given way in the exertion of descend- 
 ing from his horse. He stumped resolutely up to the 
 governor, and, with more hurry than perspicuity, de- 
 livered his message. But, fortunately, his ill tidings 
 came too late to rufHe the tranquillity of this most tran- 
 quil of rulers. His venerable Excellency had just 
 breathed and smoked his last ; his lungs and his pipe 
 
1 
 
 172 HISTORY OF NEW YOEK. 
 
 having been exhausted together, and his peaceful sonl 
 having escaped in the last whiff that cnrled from his 
 tobacco-pipe. In a word, the renowned Walter the 
 Doubter, who had so often slumbered with his contem- 
 poraries, now slept with his fathers, and Wilhelmus Kieft 
 governed in his stead. 
 
 1 
 
 CONTAININa THE CHRONICLES OP THE EBIGN OF | 
 
 "WILLIAM THE TESTT. ! 
 
 CHAPTER 1. 
 
 When the lofty Thucydides is about to enter upon his 
 
 description of the plague that desolated Athens, one of 
 
 his modern commentators assures the reader that the \ 
 
 history is now going to be exceedingly solemn, serious, i 
 
 and pathetic ; and hints, with that air of chuckling i 
 
 gratulation with which a good dame draws forth a choice ? 
 
 morsel from a cupboard to regale a favourite, that this i 
 
 plague will give his history a most agreeable variety. 
 
 In like manner did my heart leap within me when I | 
 
 came to the dolorous dilemma of Fort Good Hope, which | 
 
 I at once perceived to be the forerunner of a series of 
 
 great events and entertaining disasters. Such are the i 
 
 true subjects for the historic pen. For what is history, \ 
 
 in fact, but a kind of Newgate Calendar — a register of ■ 
 
 the crimes and miseries that man has inflicted on his j 
 
 fellow-man? It is a htige libel on human nature, to \ 
 
 which we industriously add page after page, volume after i 
 
 volume, as if we were building up a monument to the '■ 
 
 honour, rather than the infamy, of our species. If we I 
 
 turn over the pages of these chronicles that man has ! 
 
 i 
 
 A 
 I 
 
HISXOHY OF NEW lOEK. 
 
 173 
 
 written of himself, what are the characters dignified by 
 the appellation of great, and held up to the admiration 
 of posterity? Tyrants, robbers, conquerors, reno-srned 
 only for the magnitude of their misdeeds and the stupend- 
 ous wrongs and miseries they have inflicted on mankind 
 — ^warriors, who have hired themselves to the trade of 
 blood, not from motives of virtuous patriotism, or to 
 protect the injured and defenceless, but merely to gain 
 tke vaunted glory of being adroit and successful in 
 massacring their fellow-beings I What are the great 
 events that constitute a glorious era? The fall of 
 empires, the desolation of happy countries, splendid cities 
 smoking in their ruins, the proudest works of art 
 tumbled in the dust, the shrieks and groans of whole 
 nations ascending unto heaven ! 
 
 It is thus the historians may be said to thrive on the 
 miseries of mankind, like birds of prey which hover over 
 the field of battle to fatten on the mighty dead. It 
 was observed by a great projector of inland lock navi- 
 gation, that rivers, lakes, and oceans were only formed 
 to feed canals. In like manner I am tempted to believe 
 that plots, conspiracies, wars, victories, and massacres 
 are ordained by Providence only as food for the historian. 
 
 It is a source of great delight to the philosopher, in 
 studying the wonderful economy of nature, to trace the \ 
 mutual dependencies of things — ^how they are created 
 reciprocally for each other, and how the most noxious 
 and apparently unnecessary animal has its uses. Thus 
 those swarms of flies which are so often execrated as 
 useless vermin are created for the sustenance of spiders ; 
 and spiders, on the other hand, are evidently made to 
 devour flies. So those heroes who have been such 
 scourges to the world were bounteously provided as 
 themes for the poet and historian, while the poet and 
 the historian were destined to record the achievements of 
 b-atoes 1 
 
(.74: 
 
 ::iISTOEY OF NEW YOKE. 
 
 These and many similar reflections naturally arose in 
 my mind as I took up my pen to commence ttie reign 
 of William Kief t : for now th.e stream of our history, 
 wliicli hitherto has rolled in a tranquil current, is abou*- 
 bo depart for ever from its peaceful haunts, and brawl 
 through many a turbulent and rugged scene. 
 
 As some sleek ox, sunk in the rich repose of a clover- 
 field, dozing and chewing the cud, will bear repeated 
 blows before it raises itself, so the province of N"ieuw 
 f^ederlandts, having waxed fat under the drowsy reign 
 of the Doubter, needed cuffs and kicks to rouse it into 
 action. The reader will now witness the manner in 
 which a peaceful community advances towards a state of 
 war ; which is apt to be like the approach of a horse to a 
 drum, with much prancing and little progress, and too 
 often with the wrong end foremost. 
 
 Wilhelmus Kieft, who in 1634 ascended the guberna- 
 torial chair (to borrow a favourite though clumsy appella- 
 tion of modern phraseologists), was of a lofty descent, his 
 father being inspector of wind-mills in the ancient town 
 of Saardam ; and our hero, we are told, when a boy, made 
 very curious investigations into the nature and operation 
 of these machines, which was one reason why he after- 
 wards came to be so ingenious a governor. His name, 
 according to the most authentic etymologists, was a 
 corruption of Kyver ; that is to say, awra?i(jler or scolder; 
 and expressed the characteristic of his family, which 
 for nearly two centuries had kept the windy town of 
 Saardam in hot water, and produced more tartars and 
 brimstones than any ten families in the place ; and so 
 truly did he inherit this family peculiarity that he had 
 not been a year in the government of the province before 
 he was universally denominated William the Testy. His 
 appearance answered to his name. He was a brisk, wiry, 
 waspish little old gentleman ; such a one as may now and 
 
HISTOKY OP NEW TORE 
 
 z75 
 
 then be seen stnmpingr about our city in a broad-skirted 
 coat with hug'e buttons, a cocked hat stuck on the back 
 of his head, and a cane as high as his chin. His face 
 was broad, but his features were sharp ; his cheeks were 
 scorched into a dusky red, by two fiery little grey eyes ; 
 his nose turned up, and the comers of his mouth turned 
 dcjwn pretty much like the muzzle of an irritable pug-dog. 
 
 I have heard it observed by a profound adept in human 
 physiology that if a woman waxes fat with the progress 
 of years, her tenure of life is somewhat precarious, but if 
 haply she withers as she grows old, she lives for ever. 
 Such promised to be the case with William the Testy, 
 who grew tough in proportion as he dried. He had 
 withered, in fact, not through the process of years, but 
 through the tropical fervour of his soul, which bm-nt like 
 a vehement rushlight in his bosom, inciting him to 
 incessant broils and bickerings. Ancient traditions speak 
 much of his learning, and of the gallant inroads he had 
 made into the dead languages, in which he had made 
 captive a host of G-reek nouns and Latin verbs, and 
 brought off rich booty in ancient saws and apophthegms, 
 which he was wont to parade in his public harangues, as 
 a triumphant general of yore his spolia opima. Of 
 metaphysics he knew enough to confound all hearers and 
 himself into the bargain. In logic, he knew the whole 
 family of syllogisms and dilemmas, and was so proud of 
 his skill that he never suffered even a self-evident fact to 
 pass unargued. It was observed, however, that ho seldom 
 got into an argument without getting into a perplexity, 
 and then into a passion with his adversary for not being 
 convinced gratis. 
 
 He had, moreover, skirmished smartly on the frontiers 
 of several of the sciences, was fond of experimental 
 philosophy, and prided himself upon inventions of aU 
 kinds. His abode, which he had fixed at a bowery, or 
 
176 
 
 HISTOEY OF NEW YOEK. 
 
 country seat, at a short distance from the city, just at 
 what is now called Dutch Street, soon abounded with 
 proofs of his ing-enuity : patent smoke-jacks that required 
 a horse to work them ; Dutch ovens that roasted meat 
 without lire ; carts that went before the horses ; weather- 
 cocks that turned against the wind ; and other wrong- 
 headed contrivances that astonished and confounded all 
 beholders. The house, too, was beset with paralytic cats 
 and dogs, the subjects of his experimental philosophy ; 
 and the yelling and yelping of the latter unhappy 
 victims of science, while aiding in the pursuit of know- 
 ledge, soon gained for the place the name of " Dog's 
 Misery," by which it continues to be known even at the 
 present day. 
 
 It is in knowledge as in swimming : he who flounders 
 and splashes on the surface makes more noise and attracts 
 more attention than the pearl-diver who quietly dives in 
 quest of treasures to the bottom. The vast acquirements 
 of the new governor were the theme of marvel among the 
 simple burghers of New Amsterdam ; he figured about 
 the place as learned a man as a Bonze at Pekin, who has 
 mastered one-half of the Chinese alphabet : and waa 
 unanimously pronounced a " universal genius ! " 
 
 I have known in my time many a genius of this stamp ; 
 but, to speak my mind freely, I never knew one who, for 
 the ordinary purposes of life, was worth his weight in 
 straw. In this respect a little sound judgment and plain 
 common sense is worth all the sparkling genius that ever 
 wrote poetry or invented theories. Let us see how the 
 universal acquirements of William the Testy aided Mm 
 in. the affairs of government. 
 
HISTORY OF NEW YORK. 
 
 177 
 
 CHAPTER II. 
 No sooner had this bustling little potentate been blown 
 by a whiif of fortune into the seat of government than 
 he called his council together to make them a speech 013 
 the state of affairs. 
 
 Caius Gracchus, it is said, when he harangued the 
 Roman populace, modulated his tone by an oratorical 
 flute or pitch-pipe. Wilhelmus Kieft, not having such 
 an instrument at hand, availed himself of that musical 
 organ or trump which nature has implanted m the midst 
 of a man's face ; in other words, he preluded his address 
 by a sonorous blast of the nose ; a preliminary flourish 
 much in vogue among public orators. 
 
 He then commenced by expressing his humble sense of 
 his utter un worthiness of the high post to which he had 
 been appointed, which made some of the simple burghers 
 wonder why he undertook it, not knowing that it is a 
 point of etiquette with a public orator never to enter 
 upon ofSce without declaring himself unworthy to cross 
 the threshold. He then proceeded, in a manner highly 
 classic and erudite, to speak of government generally, and 
 of the governments of ancient Greece in particular ; to- 
 gether with the wars of Rome and Carthage, and the rise 
 and fall of sundry outlandish empires which the worthy 
 bxirghers had never read nor heard of. Having thus, 
 after the manner of your learned orators, treated of 
 things in general, he came by a natural roundabout 
 transition to the matter in hand, namely, the daring 
 aggressions of the Yankees. 
 
 As my readers are well aware of the advantage a 
 potentate has of handling his enemies as he pleases in his 
 spfeeches and bulletins, where he has the talk all on his 
 own side, they may rest assured that William the Testy 
 did not let such an opportunity escape of giving the 
 
178 
 
 HISTOBT OF NEW TOEK. 
 
 Yankees what is called "a taste of his quality." In 
 speaking' of their inroads into the territories of their 
 High Mightinesses, he compared them to the G-auls, who 
 desolated Rome ; the G-oths and Vandals, who overran 
 the fairest plains of Europe ; but when he came to 
 speak of the unparalleled audacity with which they of 
 Weathersfield had advanced their patches up to the very 
 walls of Fort G-oed Hoop, and threatened to smother the 
 garrison in onions, tears of rage started into his eyes, 
 as though he nosed the very offence in question. 
 
 Having thus wrought up his tale to a climax, he as 
 sumed a most belligerent look, and assured the council 
 that he had devised an instrument, potent in its effects, 
 and which he trusted would soon drive the Yankees from 
 the land. So saying, he thrust his hand into one of the 
 deep pockets of his broad-skirted coat and drew forth, 
 not an infernal machine, but an instrument in writing, 
 which he laid with great emphasis upon the table. 
 
 The burghers gazed at it for a time in silent awe, as 
 a wary housewife does at a gun, fearful it may go off 
 half-cocked. The document in question had a sinister 
 look, it is true ; it was crabbed in text, and from a broad 
 red ribbon dangled the great seal of the province, about 
 the size of a buckwheat pancake. Still, after all, it was 
 but an instrument in writing. Herein, however, existed 
 the wonder of the invention. The document in question 
 was a proclamation, ordering the Yankees to depart in- 
 stantly from the territories of their High Mightinesses, 
 urder pain of suffering all the forfeitures and punish- 
 ments in such case made and provided. It was on the 
 moral effect of this formidable instrument that Wilhel 
 mus Kieft calculated ; pledging his valour as a governor 
 that, once fulminated against the Yankees, it would, in 
 less than two months, drive every mother's son of them 
 across the borders. 
 
HISTORY OP NEW YOEE 
 
 179 
 
 The council broke up in perfect wonder, and nothing 
 was talked of for some time among the old men and 
 women of New Amsterdam but the vast genius of the 
 governor, and his new and cheap mode of fighting by 
 proclamation. 
 
 As to Wilhelmus Kieft, having despatched his pro 
 clamation to the frontiers, he put on his cocked hat and 
 corduroy small-clothes, and, mounting a tall, raw-boned 
 charger, trotted out to his rural retreat of Dog's Misery, 
 Here, like the good Numa, he reposed from the toils of 
 state, taking lessons in government, not from the nymph 
 Egeria. but from the honoured wife of his bosom, who 
 was one of that class of females, sent upon the earth a 
 little after the flood, as a punishment for the sins of man- 
 kind, and commonly known by the appellation of knowing 
 women. In fact, my duty as an historian obliges me to 
 make known a circumstance which was a great secret at 
 the time, and consequently was not a subject of scandal 
 at more than half the tea-tables in New Amsterdam, but 
 which, like many other great secrets, has leaked out in 
 the lapse of years ; and this was, that Wilhelmus the 
 Testy, though one of the most potent little men that ever 
 breathed, yet submitted at home to a species of govern- 
 ment, neither laid down in Aristotle nor Plato ; in short, 
 it partook of the nature of a pure, unmixed tyranny, and 
 is familiarly denominated petticoat government. An ab- 
 solute sway, which, although exceedingly common in 
 these modem days, was very rare among the ancients, 
 if we may judge from the rout made about the domestic 
 economy of honest Socrates, which is the only ancient 
 case on record. 
 
 The great Kieft, however, warded off all the sneers 
 and sarcasms of his particular friends, who are ever 
 ready to joke with a man on sore points of the kind, 
 by alleging that it was a government of his own eleotioo, 
 
180 
 
 HISTORY OF NEW YORK. 
 
 to whicli lie submitted throug^li choice ; adding, at the 
 same time, a profound maxim wMch lie liad found in an 
 ancient author, that "he who would aspire to govern 
 should first learn to obey." 
 
 CHAPTER III. 
 Never was a more comprehensive, a more expeditious, 
 or, what is still better, a more economical measure 
 devised, than this of defeating the Yankees by procla- 
 mation — an expedient, likewise, so gentle and humane, 
 there were ten chances to one in favour of its succeed- 
 ing ; but then there was one chance to ten that it would 
 not succeed. As the ill-natured Fates would have it, that 
 single chance carried the day I The proclamation was 
 perfect in all its parts, well constructed, well written, 
 well sealed, and well published : all that was wanting 
 to insure its effect was, that the Yankees should stand in 
 awe of it ; but, provoking to relate, they treated it with 
 the most absolute contempt, applied it to an unseemly 
 purpose, and thus did the first warlike proclamation come 
 to a shameful end — a fate which I am credibly informed 
 has befallen but too many of its successors. 
 
 So far from abandoning the country, those varlets con- 
 tinued their encroachments, squatting along the green 
 banks of the Varsche river, and founding Hartford, 
 Stamford, New Haven, and other border towns. I have 
 already shown how the onion patches of Pyquag were an 
 eyesore to J acobus Van Curlet and his garrison ; but now 
 these moss-troopers increased in their atrocities, kidnap- 
 ping hogs, impounding horses, and sometimes grievously 
 rib-roasting their owners. Our worthy forefathers could 
 scarcely stir abroad without danger of being out jockeyed 
 in horseflesh, or taken in in bargaining ; while, in their 
 absence, some daring Yankee pedlar would penetrate to 
 
HISTOHr OF NEW YORK. 
 
 181 
 
 their household, and nearly ruin the good housewives 
 with tin-ware and wooden bowls.* 
 
 I am well aware of the perils which environ me in this 
 part of my history. While raking, with curious hand but 
 pious heart, among the mouldering remains of former 
 days, anxious to draw therefrom the honey of wisdom, I 
 may fare somewhat like that valiant worthy, Samaon, 
 who, in meddling with the carcase of a dead lion, drew a 
 swarm of bees about his ears. Thus, while narrating the 
 many misdeeds of the Yanokie or Yankee race, it is ten 
 chances to one but I offend the morbid sensibilities of 
 certain of their unreasonable descendants, who may fly 
 out and raise such a buzzing about this unlucky head of 
 mine, that I shall need the tough hide of an Achilles, or 
 an Orlando Furioso, to protect me from their stings 
 
 Should such be the case, I should deeply and sincerely 
 lament — ^not my misfortune in giving offence — ^but the 
 wrong-headed perverseness of an ill-natured generation, 
 in taking offence at anything I say. That their ancestors 
 
 * The following cases in point appear in Hazard's " CoUectioa of 
 State Papers :" — "In the meantime, they of Hartford have not onely 
 usurped and taken in the lands of Connecticott, although unright- 
 eously and against the lawes of nations, but have hindered our nation 
 in sowing theire own purciiased broken-up lands, but liave also sowed 
 them with corne in the night, which the Nederlanders had broken up 
 and intended to sowe ; and have beaten tlie servants of the high and 
 miglity tlie honored conipanie, which were labouring upon theire 
 masters' lands, from theire lands, with sticks and plow staves in 
 hostile manner laming, and, among the rest, struck Ever Duckings 
 [Evert Duyckink] a hole in his head witli a stick, so that the bloode 
 ran downe very strongly dowue upon his body." 
 
 "Tliose of Hartford sold a hogg, that belonged to the honored 
 companie, under pretence that it had eaten of theire grcunde grass, 
 when they had not any foot of inheritance. They proffered the hogg 
 for 5s. if the commissioners would have given 5s. for damage ; which 
 the commissioners denied, because noe man's own hogg (as mer used 
 to say) can trespass upon his owne master's grounds." 
 
182 
 
 HI&TOEY OF NEW YORK. 
 
 did use my ancestors ill is true, and I am very gorry for 
 it. I would, with all my heart, the fact were otherwise ; 
 but as I am recording the sacred events of history, I'd not 
 bate one nail's breadth of the honest truth, thoug-h I were 
 sure the whole edition of my work would be bought up 
 and burnt by the common hangman of Connecticut. And 
 in sooth, now that these testy gentlemen have drawn me 
 out, I will make bold to go farther, and observe that this 
 is one of the grand purposes for which we impartial 
 historians are sent into the world — to redress wrongs, 
 and render justice on the heads of the guilty So that, 
 though a powerful nation may wrong its neighbours 
 with temporary impunity, yet sooner or later an historian 
 springs up, who wreaks ample chastisement on it in 
 retura. 
 
 Thus these moss-troopers of the east little thought, I'll 
 warrant it, while they were harassing the inoiiensive pro- 
 vince of Nieuw Nederiandts, and driving its unhappy 
 governor to his wits' end, that an historian would ever 
 arise, and give them their own with interest. Since, 
 then, I am but performing my bounden duty as an 
 historian in avenging the wrongs of our revered ancestors, 
 I shall make no further apology ; and, indeed, when it is 
 considered that I have all these ancient borderers of the 
 east in my power, and at the mercy of my pen, I trust 
 that it will be admitted I conduct myself with great 
 humanity and moderation. 
 
 It was long before William the Testy could be persuaded 
 that his much-vaunted war measure was ineffectual ; on 
 the contrary, he flew in a passion whenever it was 
 doubted, swearing that though slow in operating, yet 
 when it once began to work it would soon purge the land 
 of these invaders. When convinced at length of the 
 truth, like a shrewd physician, he attributed the failure 
 to the quantity, not the quality of the medicine, and 
 
HISTORY OF NEW YOBK. 
 
 183 
 
 resolved to double the dose. He fulminated, therefore, a 
 second proclamation more vehement than the first, for- 
 bidding- all intercourse with these Yankee intruders ; 
 ordering the Dutch burghers on the frontiers to buy none 
 of their pacing horses, measly pork, apple sweetmeats, 
 Weathersfield onions, or wooden bowls, and to fuj-nish 
 them with no supplies of gin, gingerbread, or sour- 
 krout. 
 
 Another interval elapsed, during which the last pro- 
 clamation was as little regarded as the first, and the non- 
 intercourse was especially set at nought by the young 
 folks of both sexes. 
 
 At length one day the inhabitants of New Amsterdam 
 were aroused by a furious barking of dogs, great and 
 small, and beheld to their surprise the whole garrison of 
 Fort Good Hope straggling into town all tattered and 
 wayworn, with Jacobus Van Curlet at their head, bring- 
 ing the melancholy intelligence of the capture of Fort 
 Good Hope by the Yankees. 
 
 The fate of this important fortress is an impressive 
 warning to all military commanders. It was neither 
 carried by storm nor famine ; nor was it undermined, nor 
 bombarded, nor set on fire by red-hot shot, but was taken 
 by a stratagem no less singular than effectual, and which 
 can never fail of success whenever an opportunity occurs 
 of putting it in practice. 
 
 It seems that the Yankees had received intelligence 
 that the garrison of Jacobus Van Cm'let had been reduced 
 nearly one-eighth by the death of two of his most cor- 
 pulent soldiers, who had over-eaten themselves on fat 
 salmon caught in the Varsche river. A secret expedition 
 was immediately set on foot to surprise the fortress. The 
 crafty enemy, knowing the habits of the garrison to sleep 
 soundly after they had eaten their dinners and smoked 
 their pipes, stole upon them at the noontide of a sultry 
 
184 
 
 HISTOKT OF NEW TOEK. 
 
 summer's day, and surprised them in the midst of their 
 slumbers. 
 
 In an instant the flag' of their Higrh Mightinesses waa 
 lowered, and the Yankee standard elevated in its stead, 
 being a dried oodfish, by way of a spread eagle. A strong 
 garrison was appointed of long-sided, hard-fisted Yankees, 
 with Weathersfleld onions for cockades and feathers. As 
 to Jacobus Van Curlet and his men, they were seized by 
 the nape of the neck, conducted to the gate, and one by 
 one dismissed with a kick in the crupper, as Charles XII. 
 dismissed the heaYy-bottomed Russians at the battle of 
 Narva ; Jacobus Van Curlet receiving two kicks in con- 
 sideration of his official dignity. 
 
 CHAPTER IV. 
 Language cannot express the awful ire of William the 
 Testy on hearing of the catastrophe at Fort G-oed Hoop. 
 For three good hours his rage was too great for words, 
 or rather the words were too great for him (being a very 
 small man), and he was nearly choked by the misshapen, 
 nine-comered Dutch oaths and epithets which crowded at 
 once into his gullet. At length his words found vent, 
 and for three days he kept up a constant discharge, 
 anathematising the Yankees, man, woman, and child, for 
 a set of dieven, schobbejacken, deugenieten, twistzoekeren, 
 blaes-kaken, loosen-schalken, kakken-bedden, and a thou- 
 sand other names, of which, unfortiraately for posterity, 
 history does not make mention. Finally, he swore that 
 he would have nothing more to do with such a squatting, 
 bundling, guessing, questioning, swapping-, pumpkin- 
 eating, molasses-daubing, shingle-splitting, cider-water- 
 ing, horse- jockeying, notion-peddling crew — that they 
 might stay at Fort Goed Hoop and rot, before he would 
 
HISTOETt OF NEW YORK. 
 
 185 
 
 dirty his hands by attempting' to drive them away ; in 
 proof of which he ordered the new-raised troops to be 
 marched forthwith into winter quarters, although it was 
 not as yet quite midsummer. Great despondency now 
 fell upon the city of New Amsterdam. It was feared 
 that the conquerors of Fort Goed Hoop, flushed with 
 victory and apple-brandy, mig'ht march on to the capital, 
 take it by storm, and annex the whole province to Con- 
 necticut. The name of Yankee became as terrible among 
 the Nieuw Nederlanders as was that of Gaul among the 
 ancient Romans, insomuch that the good vives of the 
 Manhattoes used it as a bugbear wherewith to frighten 
 their unruly children. 
 
 Everybody clamoured round the governor, imploring 
 him to put the city in a complete posture of defence, and 
 he listened to their clamours. Nobody could accuse 
 William the Testy of being idle in time of danger, or at 
 any other time. He was nevei- idle, but then he was often 
 busy to very little purpose. When a youngling he had 
 been impressed with the words of Solomon, " Go to the 
 ant, thou sluggard, observe her ways and be wise," in con- 
 formity to which he had ever been of a restless, ant-like 
 turn ; hurrying hither and thither, nobody knew why or 
 wherefore, busying himself about small matters with an 
 air of great importance and anxiety, and toiling at a 
 grain of mustard-seed in the full conviction that he was 
 moving a mountain. In the present instance he called 
 in all his inventive powers to his aid, and was con- 
 tinually pondering over plans, making diagrams, and 
 worrying about with a troop of workmen and projectors 
 at his heels. At length, after a world of consultation 
 and contrivance, his plans of defence ended in rearing a 
 great flagstaff in the centre of the fort, and perching a 
 windmill on each bastion. 
 
 These warlike preparations in some measure allayed 
 
186 
 
 HISTORY OF NETV YOEK. 
 
 the public alarm, especially after an additional means of 
 Becuring tlie safety of the city had been suggested by the 
 governor's lady. It has already been hinted in this most 
 authentic history that in the domestic establishment of 
 William the Testy " the grey mare was the better horse ; " 
 in other words, that his wife " ruled the roast," and, ia 
 governing the governor, governed the province, which 
 might thus be said to be under petticoat government. 
 
 Now it came to pass that about this time there lived in 
 the Manhattoes a jolly, robustious trumpeter, named 
 Anthony Van Corlear, famous for his long wind ; and 
 who, as the story goes, could twang so potently upon his 
 instrument that the effect upon all within hearing was 
 like that ascribed to the Scotch bagpipe when it sings 
 right lustily i' the nose. 
 
 This sounder of brass was moreover a lusty bachelor, 
 with a pleasant, burly visage, a long nose, and huga 
 whiskers. He had his little bowery, or retreat in the 
 country, where he led a roystering life, giving dances to 
 the wives and daughters of the burghers of the Man- 
 hattoes, insomuch that he became a prodigious favourite 
 with all the women, young and old. He is said to have 
 been the first to collect that famous toll levied on the fair 
 sex at Kissing Bridge, on the highway to Hell-gate.* 
 
 To this sturdy bachelor the eyes of all the women were 
 turned in this time of darkness and peril, as the very 
 man to second and carry out the plans of defence of the 
 governor. A kind of petticoat council was forthwith 
 held at the government house, at which the governor's 
 lady presided : and this lady, as has been hinted, being 
 all potent with the governor, the result of these councils 
 
 • The bridge here mentioned by Mr. Knickerbocker still exists ; but 
 it is said that the toll is seldom collected nowadays excepting on 
 sleighing parties, by the descendants *he prtriarchs, who still pre 
 serve the traditions of the eity. 
 
HISTORY OF NEW TOBS:. 
 
 187 
 
 was the elevation of Anthony the Trumpeter to the post of 
 commandant of windmills and champion of New 
 Amsterdam. 
 
 The city being thus fortified and garrisoned, it would 
 have done one's heart good to see the governor snapping 
 his fingers and fidgeting with delight, as the trumpeter 
 strutted up and down the ramparts twanging defiance to 
 the whole Yankee race, as does a modern editor to all the 
 principalities and powers on the other side of the Atlantic. 
 In the hands of Anthony Van Corlear this windy instru- 
 ment appeared to him as potent as the horn of the 
 paladin Astolpho, or even the more classic horn of Alecto ; 
 nay, he had almost the temerity to compare it with the 
 rams' horns celebrated in Holy Writ, at the very sound of 
 Which the walls (of Jericho fell down. 
 
 Be all this as it may, the apprehensions of hostilities 
 from the east gradually died away. The Yankees made 
 no further invasion ; nay, they declared they had only 
 taken possession of Fort G-oed Hoop as being erected 
 within their territories. So far from manifesting hos- 
 tility, they continued to throng to New Amsterdam with 
 the most innocent countenances imaginable, filling the 
 market with their notions, being as ready to trade with 
 the Netherlanders as ever, and not a whit more prone to 
 get to the windward of them in a bargain. 
 
 The old wives of the Manhattoes who took tea with the 
 governor's lady attributed all this affected moderation to 
 the awe inspired by the military preparations of the 
 governor, and the windy prowess of Anthony the 
 Trumpeter. 
 
 There were not wanting illiberal minds, however, who 
 sneered at the governor for thinking to defend his city 
 as he governed it, by mere wind ; but William Kief t was 
 not to be jeered out of his wind-mills ; he had seen them 
 perched upon the ramparts of his native city of Ssiardam 
 
188 
 
 HISTORY OF NEW YOEK. 
 
 and was persuaded they were connected with the great 
 science of defence ; nay, so much piqued was he by having 
 them made a matter of ridicule, that he introduced them 
 into the arms of the city, where they remain to this day, 
 quartered with the ancient beaver of the Manhattoes, an 
 emblem and memento of his policy. 
 
 I must not omit to mention that certain wise old 
 burghers of the Manhattoes, skilful in expounding signs 
 and mysteries, after events have come to pass, consider 
 this early intrusion of the windmill into the escutcheon of 
 our city, which before had been wholly occupied by the 
 beaver, as portentous of its after fortune, vphen the quiet 
 Dutchman would be elbowed aside by the enterprising 
 Yankee, and patient industry overtopped by windy 
 Bpeoulation. 
 
 CHAPTER V. 
 
 Among- the wrecks and fragments of exalted wisdom 
 which have floated down the stream of time from 
 venerable antiquity, and been picked up by those humble 
 but industrious wights who ply along the shores of 
 literature, we find a shrewd ordinance of Charondas the 
 Locrian legislator. Anxious to preserve the judicial code 
 of the state from the additions and amendments of 
 country members and seekers of popularity, he ordained 
 that, whoever proposed a new law should do it with a 
 halter about his neck ; whereby, in case his proposition 
 were rejected, they just hung him up — and there the 
 matter ended. 
 
 The effect was, that for more than two hundred years 
 there was but one trifling alteration in the judicial code ; 
 and legal matters were so clear and simple that the 
 whole race of lawyers starved to death for want of em- 
 ployment. The Locrians, too, being freed from all 
 
HISTORY OF NEW YORK. 
 
 189 
 
 incitement to litigation, lived very lovingly together, 
 and were so happy a people that they make scarce any 
 figure in history ; it being only your litigious, quarrel- 
 some, rantipole nations who make much noise in the 
 world. 
 
 I have been reminded of these historical facts in coming 
 to treat of the internal policy of William the Testy. 
 Well would it have been for him had he in the course of 
 his universal acquirements stumbled upon the precaution 
 of the good Charondas ; or had he looked nearer home at 
 the protectorate of OlofEe the Dreamer, when the com- 
 munity was governed without laws. Such legislation, 
 however, was not suited to the busy, meddling mind of 
 William the Testy. On the contrary, he conceived that 
 the true wisdom of legislation consisted in the multi- 
 plicity of laws. He accordingly had great punishments 
 for great crimes, and little punishments for little offences. 
 By degrees the whole surface of society was cut up by 
 ditches and fences, and quickset hedges of the law, and 
 even the sequestered paths of private life so beset by 
 petty rules and ordinances, too numerous to be re- 
 membered, that one could scarce walk at large without 
 the risk of letting off a spring-gun or falling into a man- 
 trap. 
 
 In a little while the blessings of innumerable laws 
 became apparent ; a class of men arose to expound and 
 confound them. Petty courts were instituted to take 
 cognisance of petty offences, pettifoggers began to 
 abound, and the community was soon set together by 
 the ears. 
 
 Let me not be thought as intending anything derogatory 
 to the profession of the law, or to the distinguished 
 members of that illustrious order. Well am I aware 
 that we have in this ancient city innumerable worthy 
 gentlemen, the knights-errant of modem days, who go 
 
190 
 
 BISTORT OF NEW YORK. 
 
 ftbout redressing wrongs and defending the defenceless, 
 not for the love of filthy lucre, nor the selfish cravings of 
 renown, but merely for the pleasure of doing good. 
 Sooner would I throw this trusty pen into the flames, 
 and cork up my ink-bottle for ever, than infringe even 
 for a nail's breadth upon the dignity of these truly 
 benevolent champions of the distressed. On the contrary, 
 I allude merely to those caitiff scouts who, in these 
 latter days of evil, infest the skirts of the profession, as 
 did the recreant Cornish knights of yore the honourable 
 order of chivalry ; who, under its auspices, commit 
 flagrant wrongs ; who thrive by quibbles, by quirks and 
 chicanery, and like vermin increase the corruption in 
 which they are engendered. 
 
 Nothing so soon awakens the malevolent passions as 
 the facility of gratification. The courts of law would 
 never be so crowded with petty, vexatious, and disgraceful 
 suits were it not for the herds of pettifoggers. These 
 tamper with the pa&sions of the poorer and more ignorant 
 classes ; who, as if poverty were not a suiFicient misery in 
 itself, are ever ready to embitter it by litigation. These, 
 like quacks in medicine, excite the malady to profit by 
 the cure, and retard the cure to augment the fees. As 
 the quack exhausts the constitution the pettifogger 
 exhausts the purse ; and as he who has once been under 
 the hands of a quack is for ever after prone to dabble in 
 drugs, and poison himself with infallible prescriptions, 
 so the client of the pettifogger is ever after prone to 
 embroil himself with his neighbours, and impoverish him- 
 self with successful lawsuits. My readers will excuse this 
 digression into which I have been unwarily betrayed ; but 
 I could not avoid giving a cool and unprejudiced accouct 
 of an abomination too prevalent in this excellent city, and 
 with the effects of which I am ruefully acquainted, having 
 been nearly ruined by a lawsuit v/hich was decided against 
 
HISTOKY OF NEW YORK. 
 
 191 
 
 me ; and my ruin having' been completed by anotlier, 
 which was decided in my favour. 
 
 To return to our theme. There was nothing' in the 
 whole raTig'e of moral oifences against which the juris- 
 priidence of William the Testy was more strenuously 
 directed than the crying; sin of poverty. He pronounced 
 it the root of all evil, and determined to cut it up root 
 and branch, and extirpate it from the land. He had been 
 struck, in the course of his travels in the old countries of 
 Europe, with the wisdom of those notices posted up in 
 country towns, that " any vagrant found begging there 
 would be put in the stocks," and he had observed that no 
 beggars were to be seen in these neighbourhoods ; having 
 doubtless thrown off their rags and their poverty, and be- 
 come rich under the terror of the law. He determined to 
 improve upon this hint. In a little while a new machine 
 of his own invention was erectea r.ard by Dog's Misery. 
 This was nothing more nor less than a gibbet, of a venj 
 strange, uncouth, and unmatchable construction, far more 
 eiScacious, as he boasted, tlian the stocks, for the punish- 
 ment of poverty. It was for altitude not a whit inferior 
 to that of Haman, so renowned in Bible history ; but the 
 marvel of the contrivance was, that the culprit, instead of 
 being suspended by the neck according to venerable 
 sustom, was hoisted by the waistband, and kept dangling 
 ind sprawling between heaven and earth for an hour or 
 .wo at a time, to the infinite entertainment and edifica- 
 tion of the respectable citizens who usually attend ex- 
 hibitions of the kind. 
 
 Such was the punishment of all petty delinquents, 
 vagrants, and beggars and others detected in being guilty 
 of poverty in a small way. As to those who had offended 
 on a great scale, who had been guilty of flagrant misfor- 
 tunes and enormous backslidings of the purse, and who 
 stood convicted of large debts which they were unable to 
 
192 
 
 HISTORY OF NEW YOEK. 
 
 pay, 'William Kief t had them straightway enclosed within 
 the stone walls of a prison, there to remain until they 
 should reform and grow rich. This notable expedient, 
 however, does not appear to have been more ef&cacious 
 under William the Testy than in more modern days, it 
 being found that the longer a poor devil was kept in 
 prison the poorer he grew. 
 
 9tK:o or vote 3> 
 
KNICKERBOCKEE'S 
 HISTORY OF NEW YORK. 
 
 YOL. II. 
 
 4 
 
I 
 
INTEODUCTION. 
 
 The playful devices by which attention was directed 
 to the coming publication of a History by Diedrich 
 Knickerbocker are represented in the author's opening 
 to the first volume. Irving joined afterwards in 
 business as a sleeping partner, visited England in 
 1815, and, while cordially welcomed here by Thomas 
 Campbell, "Walter Scott, and others, the failur* of 
 his brother's business obliged him to make writing 
 his profession. The publishers at first refused to 
 take one of the most charming of his works, the 
 "Sketch Book"; but John Murray yielded at last 
 to the influence of Walter Scott, and paid £200 for 
 the copyright of it, a sum afterwards increased to 
 £400. "Bracebridge Hall" and the "Tales of a 
 Traveller" followed. Irving went to Spain with the 
 American Ambassador to translate documents and 
 acquire experience which he used afterwards in suc- 
 cessive books. " The Life and Yoyages of Columbus" 
 appeared in 1828, and was followed by "Yoyages 
 of the Companions of Columbus." 
 
 In 1829 Washington Irving came again to England, 
 this time as Secretary to the American Legation. He 
 published the " Conquest of G-ranada." In 1831 hi 
 received the honorary degree of LL.D, from tha 
 
Q INTSODITCTION". 
 
 University of Oxford. Tlien lie returned to America 
 published in 1832 "The Alhambra; " in 1835 "Legends 
 of the Conquest of Spain." In 1842 he went again to 
 Spain, this time as American Minister. Other works 
 were produced, and at the close of his life he achieved 
 his early ambition, by writing a Life of "Washington, 
 after whom he had been named, and who had laid his 
 hand upon his head and blessed him when he was a 
 child of five. Although the first of the five volumes of 
 the Life of Washington did not appear until he was 
 more than seventy years old, be lived to complete his 
 work, and died on the 28th of November, 1859. Wash- 
 ington Irving never married. He had loved in his 
 early years a daughter of his friend Mrs. Hoffman, 
 had sat by her death-bed when she was a girl of seven- 
 teen, and waited until his own death restored her to 
 him. ' H. M. 
 
History of l^m York. 
 
 ISOOfe iU. ^continued). 
 
 CHAPTER VI. 
 Next to his projects for the suppression of poverty may 
 be classed those of William the Testy for increasing the 
 wealth of New Amsterdam. Solomon, of whose character 
 for wisdom the little governor was somewhat emulous, 
 had made gold and silver as plenty as the stones in the 
 streets of Jerusalem. William Kieft could not pretend 
 to vie with him as to the precious metals, but he deter- 
 mined, as an equivalent, to flood the streets of New 
 Amsterdam with Indian money. This was nothing more 
 nor less than strings of beads wrought out of clams, 
 periwinkles, and other shell-fish, and called seawant or 
 wampum. These had formed a native currency among 
 the simple savages, who were content to take them of 
 the Dutchmen in exchange for peltries. In an unlucky 
 moment, William the Testy, seeing this money of easy 
 production, conceived the project of making it the current 
 coin of the province. It is true it had an intrinsic value 
 among the Indians, who used it to ornament their robes 
 and moccasins ; but among the honest burghers it had 
 no more intrinsic value than those rags which form the 
 paper currency of modem days. This consideration, 
 however, had no weight with William Kieft. He began 
 by paying all the servants of the company, and all the 
 debts of government, in strings of wampum. He sent 
 emissaries to sweep the shores of Long Island, which was 
 
8 
 
 HISTOET OF NEW TOKK. 
 
 the Ophir of this modem Solomon, and abounded in shell- 
 fish. These were transported in loads to New Amsterdam, 
 eoined into Indian money, and launched into circulation. 
 
 And now for a time aifairs went on swimmingly ; 
 money became as plentiful as in the modern days of 
 paper currency, and, to use the popular phrase, " a won- 
 derful imj)ulse was given to public prosperity." Yankee 
 traders poured into the province, buying everything they 
 could lay their hands on, and paying the worthy Dutch- 
 men their own price — in Indian money. If the latter, 
 however, attempted to pay the Yankees in the same coin 
 for their tinware and wooden bowls the case was 
 altered ; nothing would do but Dutch guilders, and such- 
 like " metallic currency." What was worse, the Yankees 
 introduced an inferior kind of wampum, made of oyster 
 shells, with which they deluged the province, carrying 
 off in exchange all the silver and gold, the Dutch hdr- 
 rings and Dutch cheeses : thus early did the knowing 
 men of the East manifest their skill in bargaining the 
 New Amsterdammers out of the oyster, and leaving them 
 the shell.* 
 
 It was a long time before "William the Testy was made 
 sensible how completely his grand project of finance was 
 ^«irned against him by his eastern neighbours ; nor would 
 
 • In a manuscript record of the province, dated 1659, Library of the 
 New York Historical Society, is the following mention of Indian 
 money : — " Seawant, alias wampum. Beads manufactured from the 
 Quahang or wlielk, a shell-fish foniierly abounding on our coasts, but 
 lately of more rare occurrence, of two colours, black and wliite ; the 
 former twice the value of the latter. Six beads of the white and tliree 
 of the black for an English penny. The seawant depreciates from time 
 to time. The New England people make use of it as a means of barter, 
 not only to carry away the best cargoes which we send thither, but to 
 accumulate a large quantity of beavers' and other furs, by which the 
 company is defrauded of her revenues, and the merchants disappointed 
 In making returns with that speed with which they might v/ish to 
 meet their engagements ; while their commissioners and the inhabit- 
 ants remain overstocked with seawant, a sort of currency of no value 
 except with the New Netherland savages," &c. 
 
HISTOEY OF NEW YOEK. 
 
 9 
 
 he probably have ever found it out bad not tidings been 
 brougbt him that the Yankees had made a descent upon 
 Long Island, and had established a kind of mint at 
 Oyster Bay, where they were coining up all the oyster 
 banks. 
 
 Now this was making a vital attack upon the province 
 in a doxible sense, financial and gastronomical. Ever 
 since the council dinner of OlofEe the Dreamer, at the 
 founding of New Amsterdam, at which banquet the 
 oyster figured so conspicuously, this divine shell-fish 
 has been held in a kind of superstitious reverence at the 
 Manhattoes ; as witness the temples erected to its cult in 
 every street and lane and alley. In fact, it is the standard 
 luxury of the place, as is the terrapin at Philadelphia, 
 the soft crab at Baltimore, or the canvas-back at Wash- 
 ington. 
 
 The seizure of Oyster Bay, therefore, was an outrage 
 not merely on the pockets, but on the larders of the New 
 Amsterdammers ; the whole community was aroused, 
 and an oyster crusade was immediately set on foot 
 against the Yankees. Every stout trencherman hastened 
 to the standard ; nay, some of the most corpulent burgo- 
 masters and schepens joined the expedition as a coTps de 
 reserve, only to be called into action when the sacking 
 commenced. 
 
 The conduct of the expedition was entrusted to a valiant 
 Dutchman, who, for size and weight, might have matched 
 with Colbrand, the Danish champion, slain by Guy of 
 Warwick. He was famous throughout the province for 
 strength of arm and skill at quarter-staff, and hence was 
 named Stoffel Brinkerhoff ; or rather, Brinkerhoofd ; 
 that is to say, Stoffel the Head-breaker. 
 
 This sturdy commander, who was a man of f«w words 
 but vigorous deeds, led his troops resolutely on through 
 Nineveh, and Babylon, and Jericho, and Patch-hog, and 
 other Long Island towns, without encountering any 
 dilSculty of note ; though ;t is said that some of the 
 
10 
 
 HISTORY OF NEW YORK. 
 
 burgomasters gave out at Hard-scramble Hill and Hungry 
 Hollow ; and that others lost heart, and turned back at 
 Puss-panick. With the rest he made good his march 
 until he arrived in the neighbourhood of Oyster Bay. 
 
 Here he was encountered by a host of Yankee war- 
 riors, headed by Preserved Fish, and Habakkuk Nutter, 
 and Keturn Strong, and Zerubbabel Fisk, and Deter- 
 mined Cock I at the sound of whose names Stoffel Brin- 
 kerhofE verily believed the whole parliament of Praise- 
 G-od Barebones had been let loose upon him. He soon 
 found, however, that they were merely the "select 
 men " of th.e settlement, armed with no weapon but the 
 tongue, and disposed only to meet him on the fiield of 
 argument. StolEel had but one mode of arguing — that 
 was with the cudgel ; but he used it with such effect that 
 he routed his antagonists, broke up the settlement, and 
 would have driven the inhabitants into the sea, if they 
 had not managed to escape across the Sound to the main- 
 land by the Devil's Stepping-stones, which remain to this 
 day monuments of this great Dutch victory over the 
 Yankees. 
 
 Stoffel Brinkei'hoff made great spoil of oysters and 
 clams, coined and uncoined, and then set out on his return 
 to the Manhattoes. A grand triumph, after the manner 
 of the ancients, was prepared for him by William the 
 Testy. He entered New Amsterdam as a conqueror, 
 mounted on a Narraganset pacer. Five dried codfish on 
 poles, standards taken from the enemy, were borne before 
 him ; and an immense store of oysters and clams, 
 Weathersfield onions, and Yankee " notions " formed the 
 spolia opima ; while several coiners of oyster-shells were 
 led captive to grace the hero's triumph. 
 
 The procession was accompanied by a full band of boys 
 and negroes, performing on the popular instruments of 
 rattle-bones and clam-shells, vv^hile Anthony Van Corlear 
 Bounded his trumpet from the ramparts. 
 
 A great banquet was served up in the Sta Ithouse from 
 
HISTOKY OF NEW YORK. 
 
 11 
 
 the clams and oysters taken from the enemy, while the 
 governor sent the shells privately to the mint, and had 
 them coined into Indian money, with which he paid hia 
 troops. 
 
 It is moreover said that the governor, calling to mind 
 the practice among the ancients to honour their victorious 
 generals with public statues, passed a magnanimous 
 decree, by which every tavern-keeper was permitted to 
 paint the head of StofEel Brinkerhoff upon his sign ! 
 
 CHAPTER VII. 
 
 It has been remarked by the observant writer of the 
 Stuyvesant manuscript, that under the administration of 
 William Kieft the disposition of the inhabitants of New 
 Amsterdam experienced an essential change, so that they 
 became very meddlesome and factious. The unfortunate 
 propensity of the little governor to experiment and inno- 
 vation, and the frequent exacerbations of his temper, kept 
 his council in a continual worry ; and the council being 
 to the people at large what yeast or leaven is to a batch, 
 they threw the whole community in a ferment ; and the 
 Deople at large being to the city what the mind is to the 
 body, the unhappy commotions they xmderwent operated 
 most disastrously upon New Amsterdam ; insomuch that, 
 in certain of their paroxysms of consternation and per- 
 plexity, they begat several of the most crooked, distorted, 
 and abominable streets, lanes, and alleys, with which this 
 metropolis is disfigured. 
 
 The fact was, that about this time the community, like 
 Balaam's ass, began to grow more enlightened than its 
 rider, and to show a disposition for what is called " self- 
 government." This restive propensity was first evinced 
 in certain popular meetings, in which the burghers of 
 New Amsterdam met to talk and smoke over the compli- 
 cated affairs of the province, gradually obfuscating them- 
 selves with politics and tobacco-smoke. Hither resorted 
 
12 
 
 HISTORY OF NEW YOEK. 
 
 those idlers and squires of low degree who hang loose on 
 society and are blown about by every wind of doctrine. 
 Cobblers abandoned their stalls to give lessons on political 
 economy ; blacksmiths suffered their fires to go out, while 
 they stirred up the fires of faction ; and even tailors, 
 though said to be the ninth parts of humanity, neglected 
 their own measures to criticise the measures of govern- 
 ment. 
 
 Strange I that the science of government, which seems 
 to be 80 generally understood, should invariably be denied 
 to the only one called upon to exercise it. Not one of 
 the politicians in question, but, take his word for it, could 
 have administered affairs ten times better than William 
 the Testy. 
 
 Under the instructions of these political oracles, the 
 good people of New Amsterdam soon became exceedingly 
 enlightened ; and, as a matter of course, exceedingly dis- 
 contented. They gradually found out the fearful error 
 in which they had indulged, of thinking themselves the 
 happiest people in creation ; and were convinced that, all 
 circumstances to the contrary notwithstanding, they 
 were a very unhappy, deluded, and consequently ruined 
 people ! 
 
 We are naturally prone to discontent, and avaricious 
 after imaginary causes of lamentation. Like lubberly 
 monks, we belabour our own shoulders, and take a vast 
 satisfaction in the music of our own groans. Nor is this 
 said by way of paradox ; daily experience shows the truth 
 of these observations. It is almost impossible to elevate 
 the spirits of a man groaning under ideal calamities ; but 
 nothing is easier than to render him wretched, though oa 
 the pinnacle of felicity : as it would be an herculean 
 task to hoist a man to the top of a steeple, though the 
 merest child could topple him off thence. 
 
 I must not omit to mention that these popular meetings 
 were generally held at some noted tavern ; these publio 
 edifices possessing what in modern times are thought the 
 
HISTORY OF NEW TORE.. 
 
 13 
 
 true fountains of political inspiration. The ancient Ger- 
 mans deliberated upon a matter -when drunk, and recon- 
 sidered it when sober. Mob politicians in modern times 
 dislike to have two minds upon a subject, so they both 
 deliberate and act when drunk ; by this means a world of 
 delay is spared ; and as it is universally allowed that a 
 man when drunk sees double, it follows conclusively that 
 he sees twice as well as his sober neighbours. 
 
 CHAPTER VIII. 
 WlLHEXiMUS KiEFT^ as has already been observed, was a 
 great legislator on a small scale, and had a microscopic 
 eye in public ailairs. He had been greatly annoyed by 
 the factious meetings of the good people of New Amster- 
 dam, but observing that on these occasions the pipe v/as 
 ever in their mouth, he began to think that the pipe was 
 at the bottom of the affair, and that there was some 
 mysterious affinity between politics and tobacco smoke. 
 Determined to strike at the root of the evil, he began 
 forthwith to rail at tobacco as a noxious, nauseous weed, 
 filthy in all its uses ; and as to smoking, he denounced it 
 as a heavy tax upon the public pocket, a vast consumer of 
 time, a great encourager of idleness, and a deadly bane to 
 the prosperity and morals of the people. Finally, he 
 issued an edict, prohibiting the smoking of tobacco 
 throughout the New Netherlands. Ill-fated Kief 1 1 Had 
 he lived in the present age, and attempted to check the 
 unbounded licence of the press, he could not have struck 
 more sorely upon the sensibilities of the million. The 
 pipe, in fact, was the great organ of reflection and de- 
 liberation of the New Netherlander. It was his constant 
 companion and solace — was he gay, he smoked ; was he 
 sad, he smoked ; his pipe was never out of his mouth ; it 
 was a part of his physiognomy; without it, his best 
 friends would not know him. Take away his pipe 1 You 
 might as well take away his nose ! 
 
14 
 
 HISTORY OF NEW YORK. 
 
 The immediate effect of the edict of William thii Testy 
 was a popular commotion. A vast multitude, aimed with 
 pipes and tobacco-boxes, and an immense supply of ammu- 
 nition, sat themselves down before the governor's house, 
 and fell to smoking with tremendous violence. The testy 
 William issued forth like a wrathful spider, demanding 
 the reason of this lawless fumigation. The sturdy rioters 
 replied by lolling back in their seats, and puifing away 
 with redoubled fury, raising such a murky cloud that 
 the governor was fain to take refuge in the interior of 
 his castle. 
 
 A long negotiation ensued through the medium of 
 Anthony the Trumpeter. The governor was at first 
 wrathful and unyielding, but was gradually smoked into 
 terms. He concluded by permitting the smoking of 
 tobacco, but he abolished the fair long pipes used in the 
 days of Wouter Van Twiller, denoting ease, tranquillity, 
 and sobriety of deportment ; these he condemned as in- 
 compatible with the despatch of business ; in place 
 whereof he substituted little captious short pipes, two 
 inches in length, which, he observed, could be stuck in 
 one comer of the mouth, or twisted in the hatband, and 
 would never be in the way. Thus ended this alarming 
 insurrection, which was long known by the name of the 
 Pipe Plot, and which, it has been somewhat quaintly 
 observed, did end, like most plots and seditions, in mere 
 smoke. 
 
 But mark, 0 reader I the deplorable evils which did after- 
 wards result. The smoke of these villainous little pipes, 
 continually ascending in a cloud about the nose, penetrated 
 into and befogged the cerebellum, dried up all the kindly 
 moisture of the brain, and rendered the people who used 
 them as vapourish and teaty as the governor himself. 
 Nay, what is worse, from being goodly, burly, sleek-con- 
 ditioned men, they became, like our Dutch yeomanry who 
 smoke short pipes, a lantern-Jawed, smoke-dried, leather- 
 hided race. 
 
HISTORY OF NEW YORK. 
 
 15 
 
 Nor was this all. From this fatal schism in tobacco 
 pipes we may date the rise of parties in the Nieuw Xeder- 
 landts. The rich and self-important burghers who had 
 made their fortunes, and could afford to be lazy, adhered 
 to the ancient fashion, and formed a kind of aristocracy 
 known as the Long Pipes; while the lower order, adopting 
 the reform of William Kieft as more convenient in their 
 handicraft employments, were branded with the plebeian 
 name of S^^o'>•t Pipes. 
 
 A third party sprang up, headed by the descendants of 
 Robert Chewit, the companion of the great Hudson. 
 These discarded pipes altogether, and took to chewing 
 tobacco ; hence they were called Quids; an appellation 
 since given to those political mongrels which sometimes 
 spring up between two great parties, as a mule is ^pro- 
 duced between a horse and an ass. 
 
 And here I would note the great benefit of party dis- 
 tinctions in saving the people at large the trouble of 
 thinking. Hesiod divides mankind into three classes — 
 those who think for themselves, those who think as 
 others think, and those who do not think at all. The 
 second class comprises the great mass of society ; for 
 most people require a set creed and a file-leader. Hence 
 the origin of party, which means a large body of people, 
 some few of whom think, and all the rest talk. The 
 former take the lead and discipline the latter, prescribing 
 what they must say, what they must approve, what they 
 must hoot at, whom they must support, but, above all, 
 whom they must hate ; for no one can be a right good 
 partisan who is not a thoroughgoing hater. 
 
 The enlightened inhabitants of the Manhattoes, there- 
 fore, being divided into parties, were enabled to hate each 
 other with great accuracy. And now the great business 
 of politics went bravely on, the Long Pipes and Short 
 Pipes assembling in separate beer-houses, and smoking 
 at each other with implacable vehemence, to the great 
 support of the state and profit of the tavern-keepers. 
 
16 
 
 HISTORY OF NEW YORK. 
 
 Some, indeed, went so far as to bespatter their adversaries 
 with those odoriferous little words which smell so strong 
 in the Dutch language ; believing, like true politicians, 
 that they served their party and gloriiied 'themselves in 
 proportion as they bewrayed their neighbours. But, 
 however they might differ among themselves, all parties 
 agreed in abusing the governor, seeing that he was not a 
 governor of their choice, but appointed by others to rule 
 over them. 
 
 Unhappy William Kief t ! exclaims the sage writer of 
 the Stuyvesant manuscript, doomed to contend with 
 enemies too knowing to be entrapped, and to reign over 
 a people too wise to be governed. All his foreign ex- 
 peditions were baffled and set at nought by the all-per- 
 vading Yankees ; all his home measures were canvassed 
 and condemned by " numerous and respectable meetings" 
 of pot-house politicians. 
 
 In the multitude of counsellors, we are told, there is 
 safety ; hut the multitude of counsellors was a continual 
 source of perplexity to William Kief t. With a tempera- 
 itnent as hot as an old radish, and a mind subject to per- 
 petual whirlwinds and tornadoes, he never failed to get 
 into a passion with every one who undertook to advise 
 him. I have observed, however, that your passionate 
 little men, like small boats with large sails, are easily 
 upset or blown out of their course ; so was it with 
 William the Testy, who was prone to be carried away by 
 the last piece of advice blown into his ear. The conse- 
 quence was. that though a projector of the first class, yet, 
 by continually changing his projects, he gave none a 
 fair trial ; and by endeavouring to do everything, he, in 
 sober truth, did nothing. 
 
 In the meantime the sovereign people, having got into 
 the saddle, showed themselves, as usual, unmerciful 
 riders ; spurring on the little governor with harangues 
 and petitions, and thwarting him with memorials and re- 
 proaches, in much the same way as holiday apprentices 
 
HISTOKT OF NEW YOEK, 
 
 17 
 
 manage an unlucky devil of a hack-horse ; so that Wil- 
 helmus Kief t was kept at a worry or a gallop throughout 
 the whole of his administration. 
 
 CHAPTER IX, 
 If we could but get a peep at the tally of Dame Fortune, 
 where like a vigilant landlady she chalks up the debtor 
 and creditor accounts of thoughtless mortals, we should 
 find that every good is checked off by an evil ; and that 
 however we may apparently revel scot-free for a season, 
 the time w^ll come when we must ruefully pay off the 
 reckoning. Fortune, in fact, is a pestilent shrew, and, 
 withal, an inexorable creditor ; and though for a time 
 she may be all smiles and courtesies, and indulge us in 
 long credits, yet sooner or later she brings up her arrears 
 with a vengeance, and washes out her scores with our 
 tears. " Since," says good old Boethius, " no man can 
 retain her at his pleasure, what are her favours but sure 
 prognostications of approaching trouble and calamity ? " 
 
 This is the fundamental maxim of that sage school of 
 philosophers, the Croakers, who esteem it true wisdom to 
 doubt and despond when other men rejoice, well knowing 
 that happiness is at best but transient ; that the higher 
 one is elevated on the see-saw balance of fortune, the 
 lower must be his subsequent depression ; that he who is 
 on the uppermost round of a ladder has most to suffer 
 from a fall, while he who is at the bottom runs very 
 little risk of breaking his neck by tumbling to the top. 
 
 Philosophical readers of this stamp must have doubt- 
 less indulged in dismal forebodings all through the 
 tranquil reign of Walter the Doubter, and considered it 
 what Dutch seamen call a weather-breeder. They will 
 not be surprised, therefore, that the foul weather which 
 gathered during his days should now be rattling from all 
 quarters on the head of William the Testy. 
 
 The origin of some of these troubles may be traced 
 
18 
 
 HISTORY OF NEW YOEK. 
 
 quite back to the discoveries and annexations of Hans 
 Reinier Oothout, the explorer, and Wynant Ten Breeches, 
 the land-measurer, made in the twilight days of Oloffe 
 the Dreamer, by which the territories of the Meuw 
 Nederlandts were carried far to the south, to Delaware river 
 and parts beyond. The consequence was many disputes 
 and brawls with the Indians, which now and then 
 reached the drowsy ears of Walter the Doubter and his 
 council, like the muttering of distant thunder from 
 behind the mountains, without, however, disturbing their 
 repose. It was not till the time of William the Testy 
 that the thimderbolt reached the Manhattoes. While the 
 little governor was diligently protecting his eastern 
 boundaries from the Yankees, word was brought him of 
 the irruption of a vagrant colony of Swedes in the South, 
 who had landed on the banks of the Delaware, and dis- 
 played the banner of that redoubtable virago Queen 
 Christina, and taken possession of the country in her name. 
 These had been guided in their expedition by one Peter 
 Minuits or Minnewits, a renegade Dutchman, formerly in 
 the service of their High Mightinesses ; but who now de- 
 clared himself governor of all the surrounding country, to 
 which was given the name of the province of New Sweden, 
 It is an old saying, that " a little pot is soon hot," 
 which was the case with William the Testy. Being a 
 little man, he was soon in a passion, and once in a passion 
 he soon boiled over. Summoning his council on the 
 receipt of this news, he belaboured the Swedes in the 
 longest speech that had been heard in the colony since 
 the wordy warfare of Ten Breeches and Tough Breeches. 
 Having thus taken off the fire-edge of his valour, he 
 resorted to his favourite measure of proclamation, 'and 
 despatched a document of the kind, ordering the renegade 
 Minnewits and his gang of Swedish vagabonds to leave 
 the country immediately, under pain of vengeance of 
 their High Mightinesses the Lords States General, and of 
 the potentates of the Manhattoes. 
 
HISTOEY OF NEW YOEK. 
 
 19 
 
 This strong measure was not a whit moie effectual 
 than its predecessors which had been thundered against 
 the Yankees, and "William Kieft was preparing to follow 
 it up with something still more formidable, when he 
 received intelligence of other invaders on his southern 
 frontier, who had taken possession of the banks of the 
 Schuylkill, and built a fort there. They were repre- 
 sented as a gigantic, gunpowder race of men, exceedingly 
 expert at boxing, biting, gouging, and other branches of 
 the rough-and-tumblfc mode of warfare, which they had 
 learned from their prototypes and cousins-german the 
 Virginians, to whom they have ever borne considerable 
 resemblance. Like them, too, they were great roisterers, 
 much given to revel on hoe-cake and bacon, mint-julep 
 and apple toddy ; whence their newly formed colony had 
 already acquired the name of Merryland, which, with a 
 slight modification, it retains to the present day. 
 
 In fact, the Merrylanders and their cousins, the Vir- 
 ginians, were represented to William Kieft as offsets 
 from the same original stock as his bitter enemies the 
 Yanokie, or Yankee, tribes of the east ; having both come 
 over to this country for the liberty of conscience, or, in 
 other words, to live as they pleased ; the Yankees taking to 
 praying and money-making and converting Quakers, and 
 the Southerners to horse-racing and cock-fighting and 
 breeding negroes. 
 
 Against these new invaders Wilhelmus Kieft imme- 
 diately despatched a naval armament of two sloops and 
 thirty men, under Jan Jansen Alpendam, who was armed 
 to the very teeth with one of the little governor's most 
 powerful speeches, written in vigorous Low Dutch. 
 
 Admiral Alpendam arrived without accident in the 
 Schuylkill, and came upon the enemy just as they were 
 engaged in a great "barbecue," a kind of festivity or 
 carouse much practised in Merryland. Opening upon 
 them with the speech of William the Testy, he denounced 
 them as a pack of lazy, canting, juiep-tippling, cock- 
 
20 
 
 HISTOET OF NEW TOBK. 
 
 fighting, horse-racing', slave-driving, tavem-hannting, 
 Sabbath -breaking, mulatto-breeding upstarts : and con- 
 eluded by ordering them to evacuate the country imme- 
 diately ; to which they laconically replied in plain 
 
 English, " They'd see him d d first ! " 
 
 Now this was a reply on which neither Jan Jansen 
 Alpendam nor Wilhelmus Kief t had made any calcula- 
 tion. Finding himself, therefore, totally unprepared to 
 answer so terrible a rebulf with suitable hostility, the 
 admiral concluded his wisest course would be to return 
 home and report progress. He accordingly steered his 
 course back to New Amsterdam, where he arrived safe, 
 having accomplished this hazardous enterprise at small 
 expense of treasure, and no loss of life. His saving 
 policy gained him the universal appellation of the 
 Saviour of his Country, and his services were suitably 
 rewarded by a shingle moniiment, erected by subscription 
 on the top of Plattenbarrack Hill, where it immortalised Ms 
 name for three whole years, when it fell to pieces and 
 was burnt for firewood. 
 
 CHAPTER X. 
 About this time, the testy little governor of the New 
 Netherlands appears to have had his hands full, and with 
 one annoyance and the other to have been kept con- 
 tinually on the bounce. He was on the very point of 
 following up the expedition of Jan Jansen Alpendam by 
 some belligerent measures against the marauders of 
 Merryland, when his attention was suddenly called away 
 by belligerent troubles springing up in another quarter, 
 the seeds of which had been sown in the tranquil days of 
 Walter the Doubter. 
 
 The reader will recollect the deep doubt into which 
 that most pacific governor was thrown on Killian Van 
 Rensellaer's taking possession of Beam Island by wapen 
 recht. While the governor doubted and did nothing', the 
 
HISIORY OF ICKW YOKK. 
 
 21 
 
 lordly Killian went on to complete his sturdy little cas- 
 tellum of Rensellaersteen. and to garrison it with a 
 nnmbe? -^f. his tenants from the Helderberg, a mountain 
 region famous for the hardest heads and hardest fists in 
 the province. Nicholas Koorn, a faithful squire of the 
 patroon, accustomed to strut at his heels, wear his cast- 
 off clothes, and imitate his lofty bearing, was established 
 in this post as wacht-meester. His duty it was to keep 
 an eye on the rirer, and oblige every vessel that passed, 
 unless on the service of their High Mightinesses, to 
 strike its flag, lower its peak, and pay toll to the Lord of 
 Rensellaersteen. 
 
 This assumption of sovereign authority within the 
 territories of the Lords States General, however it might 
 have been tolerated by Walter the Doubter, had been 
 sharply contested by "William the Testy, on coming into 
 office, and many written remonstrances had been ad- 
 dressed by him to Killian Van Rensellaer, to which the 
 latter never deigned a reply. Thus by degrees a sore 
 place, or, in Hibernian parlance, a raio, had been estab- 
 lished in the irritable soul of the little governor, inso- 
 much that he winced at the very name of Rensellaer- 
 ijt«en. 
 
 Now it came to pass that, on a fine sunny day, the 
 company's yacht, the Half Moon, having been on one of 
 its stated visits to Fort Aurania, was quietly tiding it 
 down the Hudson ; the commander, G-overt Lockei-man, a 
 veteran Dutch skipper of few words but great bottom, 
 was seated on the high poop, quietly smoking his pipe, 
 under the shadow of the proud flag of Orange, when, on 
 arriving abreast of Bearn Island, he was saluted by a 
 stentorian voice from the shore, " Lower thy flag, and be 
 d d to thee ! " 
 
 Govert Lockerman, without taking his pipe out of his 
 mouth, turned up his eye from under his broad-brimmed 
 hat to see who hailed him thus discourteously. There, 
 on the ramparts of the forts, stood Nicholas Koorn, armed 
 
22 
 
 HISTORY OF NEW YORK. 
 
 to the teetli, fiourisMng a brass-hilted sword, -while a 
 steeple-crowned hat and cock's tail-feather, formerly 
 worn by Killian Van Rensellaer himself, gave an inex- 
 pressible loftiness to his demeanour. 
 
 Govert Lockerman eyed the warrior from top to toe, 
 but was not to be dismayed. Taking the pipe slowly out 
 of his mouth, " To whom should I lower my flag 1 " de- 
 manded he. " To the high and mighty Killian Van Ren- 
 sellaer, the lord of Eensellaersteen ! " was the reply. 
 
 " I lower it to none but the Prince of Orange and my 
 masters, the Lords States General." So saying, he resumed 
 his pipe and smoked with an air of dogged determination. 
 
 Bang ! went a gun from the fortress ; the ball cut both 
 Bail and rigging. Govert Lockerman said nothing, but 
 smoked the more doggedly. 
 
 Bang 1 went another gun ; the shot whistling close 
 astern. 
 
 " Fire, and be d d," cried Govert Lockerman, cram. 
 
 ming a new charge of tobacco into his pipe, and smoking 
 with still increasing vehemence. 
 
 Bang ! went a third gun. The shot passed over his 
 head, tearing a hole in the " princely flag of Orange." 
 
 This was the hardest trial of all for the pride and 
 patience of Govert Lockerman ; he maintained a stubborn 
 though swelling silence, but his smothered rage might be 
 perceived by the short vehement puffs of smoke emitted 
 from his pipe, by which he might be tracked for miles, 
 as he slowly floated out of shot and out of sight of Beam' 
 Island. In fact, he never gave vent to his passion until 
 he got fairly among the Highlands of the Hudson, when 
 he let fly whole volleys of Dutch oaths, which are said to 
 linger to this very day among the echoes of the Dunder- 
 berg, and to give particular effect to the thunder-storma 
 in that neighbourhood. 
 
 It was the sudden apparition of Govert Lockerman at 
 Dog's Misery, bearing in his hand the tatterfd flag of 
 Orange, that arrested the attention of William the Testy, 
 
HISTORY OF NEW TOSK. 
 
 23 
 
 just S9 he was devising a new expedition against tlie 
 marauders of Merryland. I will not pretend to describe 
 the passion of the little man when he heard of the out- 
 rage of Rensellaersteen. Suffice it to say, in the first 
 transports of his fury, he turned Dog's Misery topsy- 
 turvy, kicked every cur out of doors, and threw the cats 
 out of the window ; after which, his spleen being in 
 some measure relieved, he went into a council of war 
 with Govert Lockerman, the skipper, assisted by Anthony 
 Van Corlear, the trumpeter. 
 
 CHAPTER XI. 
 The eyes of all New Amsterdam were now turned to 
 gee what would be the end of this direful feud between 
 William the Testy and the patroon of Reusellaerwiok ; 
 and some, observing the consultations of the governor 
 with the skipper and the trumpeter, predicted wahiike 
 measures by sea and land. The wrath of William Kief t, 
 however, though quick to rise, was quick to evaporate. 
 He was a perfect brush-heap in a blaze, snapping and 
 crackling for a time, and then ending in smoke. Like 
 many other valiant potentates, bis first thoughts were all 
 for war, his sober second thoughts for diplomacy. 
 
 Accordingly G-overt Lockerman was once mora de- 
 spatched up the river in the company's yacht, the Goed, 
 Hoop, bearing Antnony the Trumpeter as ambassador, to 
 treat with the belligerent powers of Rensellaersteen. In 
 the fulness of time the yacht arrived before Beam Island, 
 and Anthony the Trumpeter, mounting the poop, soundea 
 a parley to the fortress. In a little while the steeple- 
 crowned hat of Nicholas Koorn, the wacht-meester, rose 
 above the battlements, followed by his iron visage, and 
 ultimately his whole person, armed, as before, to the very 
 teeth ; while one by one a whole row of Heklerbergers 
 reared their round burly heads above the wall, and be- 
 Bide each pumpkin-head peered the end of a rusty musket 
 
24 
 
 HISTORY OF NEW YORK. 
 
 Nothing daunted by tMs formidable array, Anthony Van 
 Corlear drew forth and read with audible yoice a missive 
 from William the Testy, protesting against the usurpa- 
 tion of Bearn Island, and ordering the garrison to quit 
 the premises, bag and baggage, on pain of the vengeance 
 of the potentate of the Manhattoes. 
 
 In reply, the wacht-meester applied the thumb of his 
 right hand to the end of his nose, and the thumb of the 
 left hand to the little finger of the right, and spreading 
 each hand like a fan, made an aerial flourish with his 
 fingers. Anthony Van Corlear . was sorely perplexed to 
 understand this sign, which seemed to him something 
 mysterious and masonic. Not liking to betray his 
 ignorance, he again read with a loud voice the missive of 
 William the Testy, and again Nicholas Koorn applied 
 the thumb of his right hand to the end of his nose, and 
 the thumb of his left hand to the little finger of the 
 right, and repeated this kind of nasal weathercock. 
 Anthony Van Corlear now persuaded himself that this was 
 some shorthand sign or symbol, current in diplomacy, 
 which, though unintelligible to a new diplomat like him- 
 self, would speak volumes to the experienced intellect of 
 William the Testy. Considering his embassy therefore at 
 an end, he sounded his trumpet with great complacency, 
 and set sail on his return down the river, every now and 
 then practising this mysterious sign of the wacht- 
 meester, to keep i* accurately in mind. 
 
 Arrived at New Amsterdam, he made a faithful report 
 of his embassy to the governor, accompanied by a manual 
 exhibition of the response of Nicholas Koorn. The 
 governor was equally perplexed with his ambassador. 
 He was deeply versed in the mysteries of freemasonry, 
 but they threw no light on the matter. He knew every 
 variety of windmill and weathercock, but was not a 
 whit the wiser as to the aerial sign in question. He had 
 even dabbled in Egyptian hieroglyphics, and the mystic 
 symbols of the obelisks, but none furnished a key to tha 
 
HISTORY OF NEW YORK. 
 
 25 
 
 reply of Nicholas Koom. He called a meeting of his 
 council. Anthony Van Corlear stood forth in the midst, 
 and putting the thumb of his right hand to his nose, and 
 the thumb of his left hand to the finger of the right, he 
 gave a faithful f ac-simile of the portentous sign. Having 
 a nose of unusual dimensions, it was as if the reply had 
 been put in capitals, but all in vain ; the worthy burgo- 
 masters were equally perplexed with the governor. Each 
 one put his thumb to the end of his nose, spread his 
 fingers like a fan, imitated the motion of Anthony Van 
 Corlear, and then smoked on in dubious silence. Several 
 times was Anthony obliged to stand forth like a fugleman 
 and repeat the sign, and each time a circle of nasal 
 weathercocks might be seen in the council chamber. 
 
 Perplexed in the extreme, William the Testy sent for 
 all the soothsayers and fortune-tellers and wise men 
 of the Manhattoes, but none could interpret the mys- 
 terious reply of Nicholas Koorn. The council broke up 
 in sore perplexity. The matter got abroad ; Anthony Van 
 Corlear was stopped at every comer to repeat the signal 
 to a knot of anxious newsmongers, each of whom de- 
 parted with his thumb to his nose and his fingers in the 
 air, to carry the story home to his family. For several 
 days all business was neglected in New Amsterdam ; 
 nothing was talked of but the diplomatic mission of 
 Anthony the Trumpeter, nothing was to be seen but knots 
 of politicians with their thumbs to their noses. In the 
 meantime the fierce feud between William the Testy and 
 Killian Van Eensellaer, which at first had menaced 
 deadly warfare, gradually cooled off, like many other 
 war questions, in the prolonged delays of diplomacy. 
 
 Still, to this early affair of Eensellaersteen may be 
 traced the remote origin of those windy wars in modem 
 days which rage in the bowels of the Helderberg, and 
 have well nigh shaken the great patroonship of the Van 
 Eensellaers to its foundation : for we are told that the 
 bully -boys of the Helderberg, who served under Nicholas 
 
26 
 
 HISTORY OF NEW YOUK. 
 
 Koorn, the wacM-meester, carried back to their moTin- 
 tains the hieroglyphic sign which had so sorely puzzled 
 Anthony Van Corlear and the sages of the Manhattoes ; 
 so that, to the present day, the thumb to the nose and the 
 fingers in the air is apt to be the reply of the Holder- 
 bergers whenever called upon for any long arrears of 
 rent. 
 
 CHAPTER XII. 
 It was asserted by the wise men of ancient times, who 
 had a nearer opportunity of ascertaining the fact, that 
 at the gate of Jupiter's palace lay two huge tuns, one 
 filled with blessings, the other with misfortunes ; and it 
 woiild Terily seem as if the latter had been completely 
 overturned, and left to deluge the unlucky province of 
 Nieuw Nederlandts : for about this time, while harassed 
 and annoyed from the south and the north, incessant 
 forays were made by the border chivalry of Connecticut 
 upon the pig-sties and hen-roosts of the Nederlanders. 
 Every day or two some broad-bottomed express-rider, 
 covered with mud and mire, would come floundering 
 into the gate of New Amsterdam, freighted with some 
 new tale of aggression from the frontier ; whereupon 
 Anthony Van Corlear, seizing his trumpet, the only 
 substitute for a newspaper in those primitive days, would 
 sound the tidings from the ramparts with such doleful 
 notes and disastrous cadence, as to throw half the old 
 women in the city into hysterics ; all which tended 
 greatly to increase his popularity, there being nothing 
 for which the public are more grateful than being fre- 
 quently treated to a panic — a, secret well known to 
 modern editors. 
 
 But oh, ye powers ! into what a paroxysm of passion 
 did each, new outrage of the Yankees throw the choleric 
 little governor ! Letter after letter, protest after 
 protest, bad Latin, worse English, and hideous Low 
 Dutch, were incessantly fulminated upon them, and, the 
 
HISTORY OF NEW YORK. 
 
 27 
 
 four-and-twenty letters of the alphabet, which formed his 
 standing army, were worn out by constant campaigning. 
 All, however, was inefffectual ; even the recent victory 
 at Oyster Bay, which had shed such a gleam of sunshine 
 between the clouds of his foul-weather reign, was soon 
 followed by a more fearful gathering up of those clouds 
 and indications of more portentous tempests ; for the 
 Yankee tribe on the banks of the Connecticut, finding on 
 this memorable occasion their incompetency to cope in 
 fair fight with the sturdy chivalry of the Manhattoes, 
 hp.d called to their aid all the ten tribes of their brethren 
 who inhabit the east country, which from them has 
 derived the name of Yankee - land. This call was 
 promptly responded to. The consequence was a great 
 confederacy of the tribes of Massachusetts, Connecticut, 
 New Plymouth, and New Haven, under the title of the 
 " United Colonies of New England ; " the pretended 
 object of which was mutual defence against the savages, 
 but the real object the subjugation of the Nieuw Neder- 
 landts. 
 
 For, to let the reader into one of the greatest secrets of 
 history, the Nieuw Nederlandts had long been regarded 
 by the whole Yankee race as the modern land of pro- 
 mise, and themselves as the chosen and peculiar people 
 destined, one day or other, by hook or by crook, to get 
 possession of it. In truth, they are a wonderful and 
 all-prevalent people ; of that class who only require an 
 i nch to gain an ell, or a halter to gain a horse. From 
 the time they first gained a foothold on Plymouth Rock, 
 they began to migrate, progressing and progressing from 
 place to place, and land to land, making a little here 
 and a little there, and controverting the old proverb, 
 that a rolling stone gathers no moss. Hence they have 
 facetiously received the nickname of "The Pilgrims ;" 
 that is to say, a people who are always seeking a better 
 Qouutry than their own. 
 
 The tidings of this great Yankee league struck 
 
28 
 
 HISTORY OF NEW YORK. 
 
 William Kieft with dismay, and for once in liis life lie 
 forgot to bounce on receiving a disagreeable piece of 
 intelligence. In fact, on turning over in his mind all 
 that he had read at the Hague about leagues and com- 
 binations, he found that this was a counterpart of the 
 Amphictyonic League, by which the states of Greece 
 attained such power and supremacy ; and the very idea 
 made his heart quake for the safety of his empire at the 
 Manhattoes. 
 
 The affairs of the confederacy were managed by an 
 annual council of delegates held at Boston, which Kieft 
 denominated the Delphos of this truly classic league 
 The very first meeting gave evidence of hostility to the 
 New Nederlanders, who were charged, in their dealings 
 with the Indians, with carrying on a trafiic in " guns, 
 powther, and shott — a trade damnable and injurious to 
 the colonists." It is true the Connecticut traders were 
 fain to dabble a little in this damnable traffic ; but then 
 they always dealt in what were termed Yankee guns, 
 ingeniously calculated to burst in the pagan hands which 
 used them. 
 
 The rise of this potent confederacy was a death-blow 
 to the glory of William the Testy, for from that day 
 forward he never held up his head, but appeared quite 
 crestfallen. It is true, as the grand council augmented 
 in power, and the league, rolling onward, gathered about 
 the red hills of New Haven, threatening to overwhelm 
 the Nieuw Nederlandts, he continued occasionally to 
 fulminate proclamations and protests, as a shrewd sea- 
 captain fires his gims into a water-spout ; but, alas ! they 
 had no more effect than so many blank cartridges. 
 
 Thus end the authenticated chronicles of the reign of 
 William the Testy ; for henceforth, in the troubles, per- 
 plexities, and confusion of the times, he seems to have 
 been totally overlooked, and to have slipped for ever 
 through the fingers of scrupulous history. It is a matter 
 of deep concern that such obscurity should hang over hia 
 
HISTORY On- NEW YOKK. 
 
 latter .days ; for lie was in truth a mighty and great 
 little man, and worthy of being utterly renowned, seeing 
 that he was the first potentate that introduced into this 
 land the art of fighting by proclamation, and defending 
 a country by trumpeters and windmills. 
 
 It is true that certain of the early provincial poets, of 
 whom there were great numbers in the Nieuw Xeder- 
 landts, taking advantage of his mysterious exit, have 
 fabled that, like Romulus, he was translated to the skies, 
 and forms a very fiery little star, somewhere on the left 
 claw of the crab ; while others, equally fanciful, declare 
 that he had experienced a fate similar to that of the 
 good King Arthur, who, we are assured by ancient bards, 
 was carried away to the delicious abodes of fairy-land, 
 where he still exists in pristine worth and vigour, and 
 will one day or another return to restore the gallantry, 
 the honour, and the immaculate probity, which pre- 
 vailed in the glorious days of the Round Table* 
 
 All these, however, are but pleasing fantasies, the 
 cobweb visions of those dreaming varlets the poets, tc 
 which I would not have my judicious reader attach any 
 credibility. Neither am I disposed to credit an ancient 
 and rather apocryphal historian, who asserts that the 
 ingenious Wilhelmus was annihilated by the blowing 
 down of one of his windmills ; nor a writer of later 
 times, who affirms that he fell a victim to an experiment 
 in natural history, having the misfortune break his 
 neck from a garret window of the stadthouse in attempt- 
 ing to catch swallows by sprinkling salt upon their tails. 
 Still less do I put my faith in the tradition that he 
 
 • "The old WelsTi bards believed that King Arthur was not dead, 
 but carried awaie by the fairies into some pleasant place, where he 
 sholde reniaine for a time, and then returne agaiue and reigne in as 
 great authoritv as ever." — Holinshed. 
 
 " The Britons suppose that he shall come yet and conquers all 
 Britaigue ; for, certes, this is the prophicye of Merlyn— ' He say'd 
 that his deth shall be doubteous ; and said soth, for men thereof yet 
 have doubte and shuUen for evermore, for men wyt not whether that 
 he lyveth or is dede.' " — De Leew. Chron. 
 
30 
 
 HISTOET OF NEW YOKK. 
 
 perished at sea in conveying home to Holland a treasure 
 of golden ore, discovered somewhere among the haunted 
 regions of the Catskill mountains.* 
 
 The most probable account declares, that what with 
 the constant troubles on his frontiers — the incessant 
 schemings and projects going on in his own pericranium 
 — the memorials, petitions, remonstrances, and sage 
 pieces of advice of respectable meetings of the sovereign 
 
 * Diedrich Knickerbocker, in his scrupulous search after truth, is 
 Bometiraes too fastidious in regard to facts which boi'der a little on 
 the marvellous. The story of tlie golden ore rests on something 
 better tlian mere tradition. The venerable Adrian Van der Donck, 
 Doctor of Laws, in his de.scription of the Kew Netherlands, asserts it 
 from his own observation as an eye-witness. He was present, he 
 says, in 1645, at a treaty between Governor Kieft and the Moliawk 
 Indians, in wliich one of the latter, in painting himself for the 
 ceremony, used a pigment, the weight and shining appearance of 
 which excited the curiosity of the governor and Mynheer Van der 
 Donck. They obtained a lump and gave it to be proved by a skilful 
 doctor of meilicine, Johannes de la Montague, one of the councillors of 
 the New Netherlands. It was put into a crucible, and yielded two 
 pieces of gold worth about three guilders. All this, continues 
 Adrian Van der Donck, was kept secret. As soon as peace was 
 made with the Mohawks, an officer and a few men were sent to tlie 
 monntain (in the region of the Kaatskill), under the guidance of an 
 Indian, to search for the precious mineral. They brought back a 
 bucketful of ore, which, being submitted to tlie crucible, proved as 
 productive as the first. William Kieft now tliought the discovery 
 certain. He sent a confidential person, Areut Cors'en, with a bagful 
 of the mineral to New Haven, to take passage in an Englisli ship for 
 England, thence to proceed to Holland. The vessel sailed at Christ- 
 mas, but never reached her port. All on board perished. 
 
 In the year 1647, Wilhelmus Kieft himself embarked on board the 
 Princess, taking with him specimens of the supposed mineral. The 
 ship was never hoard of more ! 
 
 Some liave supposed that the mineral in question was not gold, but 
 pyrites ; but we iiave the assertion of Adrian Van der Donck, an eye- 
 witness, and the experiment of Johannes de la Montague, a learned 
 doctor of medicine, on the golden side of the question. Cornelius 
 Van Tienhooven, also, at that time secretary of the New Netherlands, 
 declared, in Holland, that he had tested several specimens of the 
 mineral, which proved satisfactory. 
 
 It would appear, however, that these golden treasures of the 
 Kaatskill always brought ill luck ; as is evidenced in the fate of Arent 
 Corsen and Wilhelmus Kieft, and the wreck of the ships in which 
 they attempted to convey the treasure across the ocean. The golden 
 mines have never since been explored, but remain among the mysteries 
 of the Kaatskill mountains, and under the protection of the goblins 
 which haunt them. 
 
 See Van der Donck's description of the New Netherlanda Collect 
 Mew York Hist. Society, vol. i., p. 161. 
 
HISTORY OP NEW TOEK. 
 
 31 
 
 people, and tlie refractory disposition of his councillors, 
 who were sure to differ from him on every point, and 
 uniformly to be in the wrong — his mind was kept in a 
 furnace heat, until he became as completely burnt out aa 
 a Dutch family pipe which has passed tlirough three 
 generations of hard smokers. In thie manner did he 
 undergo a kind of animal combustion, consuming away 
 like a farthing rushlight, so that when grim Death finally 
 snuffed him out, there was scarcely left enough of him to 
 bury 1 
 
 CONTAINING THE FIRST PART OP THE EEIGN OP PETEB 
 STUTVESANT, AND HIS TROUBLES WITH THE AMPHIC- 
 TYONIC COUNCIL. 
 
 CHAPTER I. 
 
 To a profound philosopher like myself, who am apt to see 
 clear through a subject, where the penetration of ordinary 
 people extends but half-way, there is no fact more simple 
 and manifest than that the death of a great man is a 
 matter of very little importance. Much as we may think 
 of ourselves, and much as we may excite the empty 
 plaudits of the million, it is certain that the greatest 
 amqng us do actually fill but an exceeding small space in 
 the world ; and it is equally certain, that even that small 
 space is quickly supplied when we leave it vacant. " Of 
 what consequence is it," said Pliny, " that individuals 
 appear, or make their exit ? the world is a theatre whose 
 scenes and actors are continually changing." Never did 
 philosopher speak more correctly, and I only wonder 
 that so wise a remark could have existed so many ages, 
 and mankind not have laid it more to heart. Sage 
 follows on in the footsteps of sage ; one hero just steps 
 out of his triumphal car, to make way for the hero who 
 oomes after him ; and of the proudest monarch it is 
 
32 
 
 HISTORY OF NEW YOBK. 
 
 merely said that, "he slept with his fathers, and his 
 successor reigned in his stead." 
 
 The world, to tell the private truth, cares but little for 
 their loss, and, if left to itself, would soon forget to 
 grieve ; and though a nation has often been figuratively 
 drowned in tears on the death of a great man, yet it is 
 ten to one if an individual tear has been shed on the 
 occasion, excepting from the forlorn pen of some hungry 
 author. It is the historian, the biographer, and the 
 poet, who have the whole burden of grief to sustain ; who, 
 kind souls ! like undertakers in England, act the part of 
 chief mourners ; who inflate a nation with sighs it never 
 heaved, and deluge it with tears it never dreamt of 
 shedding. Thus, while the patriotic author is weeping 
 and howling in prose, in blank verse, and in rhyme, and 
 collecting the drops of public sorrow into his volume, as. 
 into a lachrymal vase, it is more than probable his fellow- 
 citizens are eating and drinking, fiddling and dancing, as 
 utterly ignorant of the bitter lamentations made in their 
 name as are those men of straw, John Doe and Richard 
 Eoe, of the plaintiffs for whom they are generously 
 pleased to become sureties. 
 
 The most glorious hero that ever desolated nations 
 might have mouldered into oblivion among the rubbish 
 of his own monument, did not some historian take him 
 into favour, and benevolently transmit his name to 
 posterity ; and much as the valiant "William Kieft worried, 
 and bustled, and turmoiled, while he had the destinies of a 
 whole colony in his hand, I question seriously whether he 
 will not be obliged to this authentic history for all his 
 future celebrity. 
 
 His exit occasioned no convulsion in the city of 'New 
 Ajnsterdam nor its vicinity ; the earth trembled not, 
 neither did any stars shoot from their spheres ; the 
 heavens were not shrouded in black, as poets would fain 
 persuade us they have been, on the death of a hero ; the 
 rocks (hard-hearted varlets !) melted not into tears, nor 
 
HISTORY OF NEW YORK. 
 
 83 
 
 did the trees hang their heads in silent sorrow ; and as to 
 the sun, he lay abed the next night just as long, and 
 showed as jolly a face when he rose, as he ever did. on the 
 same day of the month in any year, either before or 
 since. The good people of New Amsterdam, one and all, 
 declared that he had been a very busy, active, bustling 
 little governor ; that he was " the father of his country ; " 
 that he was " the noblest work of G-od ; " that " he was a 
 man, take him for all in all, they ne'er should look upon 
 his like again ; " together with sundry other civil and 
 affectionate speeches, regularly said on the death of all 
 great men ; after which they smoked their pipes, thought 
 no more about him, and Peter Stuy vesant succeeded to his 
 station. 
 
 Peter Stuyvesant was the last, and, like the renowned 
 Wouter Van Twiller, the best of our ancient Dutch 
 governors ; Wouter having surpassed all who preceded 
 him, and Pieter, or Piet, as he was sociably called by the 
 old Dutch burghers, who were ever prone to familiarise 
 names, having never been equalled by any successor. 
 He was, in fact, the very man fitted by Xature to retrieve 
 the desperate fortunes of her beloved province, had not 
 the Fates, those most potent and unrelenting of al! 
 ancient spinsters, destined them to inextricable con- 
 fusion. 
 
 To say merely that he was a hero would be doing him 
 great injustice ; he was, in truth, a combination of 
 heroes ; for he was of a sturdy, raw-boned make, like 
 Ajax Telamon, with a pair of round shoulders that 
 Hercules would have given his hide for (meaning his 
 lion's hide) when he undertook to ease old Atlas of his 
 load. He was, moreover, as Plutarch describes Coriolanus, 
 not only terrible for the force of his arm, but likewise 
 for his voice, which sounded as though it came out of a 
 barrel ; and, like the self -same warrior, he possessed a 
 sovereign contempt for the sovereign people, and av. iron 
 aspect, which was enough of itself to make the very 
 
34 
 
 HISTORY OP NEW YOSK. 
 
 bowels of his adversaries quake witli terror and dismay 
 All tMs martial excellency of appearance was inex. 
 pressibly heightened by an accidental advantage, with 
 which I am surprised that neither Homer nor Virgil have 
 graced any of their heroes. This was nothing less than a 
 wooden leg, which was the only prize he had gained in 
 bravely fighting the battles of his country, but of which 
 he was so proud, that he was often heard to declare he 
 valued it more than all his other limbs put together; 
 indeed, so highly did he esteem it, that he had it 
 gallantly enchased and relieved with silver devices, which 
 caused it to be related in divers histories and legends 
 that fee wore a silver leg.* 
 
 Like that choleric warrior Achilles, he was somewhat 
 subject to extempore bursts of passion, which were 
 rather unpleasant to his favourites and attendants, 
 whose perceptions he was apt to quicken after the 
 manner of his illustrious imitator, Peter the Great, bj 
 anointing their shoulders with his walking staif. 
 
 Though I cannot find that he had read Plato, or 
 Aristotle, or Hobbes, or Bacon, or Algernon Sydney, or 
 Tom Paine, yet did he sometimes manifest a shrewdness 
 and sagacity in his measures that one would hardly ex- 
 pect from a man who did not know Greek and had never 
 studied the ancients. True it is, and I confess it with 
 sorrow, that he had an unreasonable aversion to experi- 
 ments, and was fond of governing his province after the 
 simplest manner ; but then he contrived to keep it in 
 better order than did the erudite Kieft, though he had 
 all the philosophers, ancient and modern, to assist and 
 perplex him. I must likewise own that he made but 
 very few laws, but then again he took care that thosf 
 few were rigidly and impartially enforced ; and I do not 
 know but justice, on the whole, was as well administered 
 .\s if there had been volumes of sage acts and statute* 
 yearly made, and daily neglected and forgotten. 
 
 • See the histories of Masters Josselvn and Blome. 
 
HISTORY OF NEW YORK. 
 
 35 
 
 He was, in fact, the very reverse of his predecessors, 
 being neither tranquil and inert, like Walter the Doubter, 
 nor restless and fidgeting, like William the Testy ; but a 
 man, or rather a governor, of such uncommon activity 
 and decision of mind, that he never sought nor accepted 
 the advice of others, depending bravely upon his single 
 head, as would a hero of yore upon his single arm, to 
 carry him through all diificulbies and dangers. To tell 
 the simple truth, he wanted nothing more to complete 
 him as a statesman than to think always right, for no 
 one can say but that he always acted as he thought. He 
 vas never a man to flinch when he found himself in a 
 scrape, but to dash forward through thick and thin, 
 trusting, by hook or by crook, to make all things straight 
 in the end. In a word, he possessed in an eminent 
 degree that great quality in a statesman, called per- 
 severance by the polite, but nicknamed obstinacy by the 
 vulgar. A wonderful salve for official blunders ; since he 
 who perseveres in error without flinching gets the credit 
 of boldness and consistency, while he who wavers, in 
 seeking to do what is right, gets stigmatised as a trimmer. 
 This much is certain, and it is a maxim well worthy the 
 attention of all legislators great and small, who stand 
 shaking in the wind, irresolute which way to steer, that • 
 a ruler who follows his own will pleases himself, while 
 he who seeks to satisfy the wishes and whims of others 
 runs great risk of pleasing nobody. There is nothing, 
 too, like putting down one's foot resolutely when in 
 doubt, and letting things take their course. The clock 
 that stands still points right twice 'in the four-and- 
 twenty hours, while others may keep going continually, 
 and be continually going wrong. 
 
 Nor did this magnanimous quality escape the discern- 
 ment of the good people of Nieuw Nederlandts ; on the 
 contrary, so much were they struck with the independent 
 will and vigorous resolution displayed on all occasions 
 by their new governor, that they universally called him 
 
3(3 
 
 nXSTORY OP NEW yorh:. 
 
 Hard Koppig Piet, or Peter the Headstrong, a great 
 compliment to the strength of his understanding. 
 
 If, from all that I have said, thou dost not gather, 
 worthy reader, that Peter Stuyvesant was a tough, 
 sturdy, valiant, weather-beaten, mettlesome, obstinate, 
 leathern-sided, lion-hearted, generous-spirited old go- 
 vernor, either I have written to but little purpose, or 
 thou art very dull at drawing conclusions. 
 
 This most excellent governor commenced his adminis- 
 tration on the 29th of May, 1647 ; a remarkably stormy 
 day, distinguished in all the almanacks of the time which 
 have come down to us by the name of " Windy Friday." 
 As he was very jealous of his personal and official dignity, 
 he was inaugurated into office with great ceremony, 
 the goodly oaken chair of the renowned Wouter Van 
 Twiller being carefully preserved for such occasions, in 
 like manner as the chair and stone were reverentially 
 preserved at Scone, in Scotland, for the coronation of 
 the Caledonian monarchs. 
 
 I must not omit to mention that the tempestuous 
 state of the elements, together with its being that un- 
 lucky day of the week termed "hanging day," did not 
 fail to excite much grave speculation and divers very 
 reasonable apprehensions among the more ancient and 
 enlightened inhabitants ; and several of the sager uex, 
 who were reputed to be not a little skilled in the 
 mysteries of astrology and fortune-telling, did declare 
 outright that they were omens of a disastro-j adminis- 
 tration ; an event that came to be lamentably verified, 
 and which proves beyond dispute the wisdom of attend- 
 ing to those preternatural intimations furnished by 
 dreams and visions, the flying of birds, falling of stones, 
 and cackling of geese, on which the sages and rulers of 
 ancient times placed such reliance ; or to those shootings 
 of stars, eclipses of the moon, howlings of dogs, and 
 flarings of candles, carefully noted and interpreted by the 
 oracular Sibyls of our day, who, in my humble opinion, 
 
HISTORY OP NEW YOKK.. 
 
 37 
 
 are the legitimate inheritors and preservers of the 
 ancient science of divination. This much is certain, that 
 Governor Stuyvesant succeeded to the chair of state at 
 a turbulent period, when foes thronged and threatened 
 from without, when anarchy and stiff-necked opposition 
 reigned rampant within ; when the authority of their 
 High Mightinesses the Lords States General, though 
 supported by economy, and defended by speeches, pro- 
 tests, and proclamations, yet tottered to its very centre ; 
 and when the great city of New Amsterdam, though 
 fortified by flag-staffs, trumpeters, and windmills, seemed, 
 like some fair lady of easy virtue, to lie open to attack, 
 and ready to yield to the first invader. 
 
 CHAPTER II. 
 The very first movements of the great Peter, on taking 
 the reins of government, displayed his magnanimity, 
 though they occasioned not a little marvel and uneasiness 
 among the people of the Manhattoes. Finding himself 
 constantly interrupted by the opposition, and annoyed by 
 the advice of his privy council, the members of which 
 had acquired the unreasonable habit of thinking and 
 speaking for themselves during the preceding reign, he 
 determined at once to put a stop to such grievous 
 "abominations. Scarcely, therefore, had he entered upon 
 his authority, than he turned out of office all the meddle- 
 some spirits of the factious cabinet of William the Testy ; 
 in place of whom he chose unto himself councillors from 
 those fat, somniferous, respectable burghers who had 
 flourished and slumbered under the easy reign of Walter 
 the Doubter. All these he caused to be furnished with 
 abundance of fair long pipes, and to be regaled with 
 frequent corporation dinners, admonishing them to smokC; 
 and eat, and sleep for the good of the nation, while he took 
 the burden of government upon his own shoulders — aa 
 arrangement to which they all gave hearty acquiescence. 
 
38 
 
 HISTORY OV NEW YOEK. 
 
 Nor did lie stop here, but made a hideous rout among 
 th3 inventions and expedients of his learned predecetisor — 
 rooting up his patent gallows, where caitiff vagabonds 
 were suspended by the waistband ; demolishing his flag- 
 staffs and windmills, which, like mighty giants, guarded 
 the ramparts of New Amsterdam ; pitching to the Duy vel 
 whole batteries of Quaker guns ; and, in a word, turning 
 topsy-turvy the whole philosophic, economic, and wind- 
 mill system of the immortal sage of Saardam. 
 
 The honest folk of New Amsterdam began to quake 
 now for the fate of their matchless champion, Antony 
 the Trumpeter, who had acquired prodigious favour in 
 the eyes of the women by means of his whiskers and his 
 trumpet. Him did Peter the Headstrong cause to be 
 brought into his presence, and eyeing him for a moment 
 from head to foot, with a countenance that would have 
 appalled anything else than a sounder of brass — " Pr'ythee, 
 who and what art thou ? " said he. " Sire," replied the 
 other, in no wise dismayed, " for my name, it is Antony 
 Van Corlear — for my parentage, I am the son of my 
 mother — for my profession, I am champion and garrison 
 of this great city of New Amsterdam." " I doubt me 
 much," said Peter Stuyvesant, " that thou art some 
 scurvy costard-monger knave : how didst thou acquire 
 this paramount honour and dignity ? " " Marry, sir," 
 replied the other, "like many a great man before me, 
 eimply hy somiding my own trumpet." "Ay, is it so?" 
 (luoth the governor ; " why, then, let us have a relish of 
 thy art." Whereupon the good Antony put his instru- 
 ment to his lips, and sounded a charge with such a 
 tremendous outset, such a delectable quaver, and such a 
 triumphant cadence, that it was enough to make one's 
 heart leap out of one's mouth only to be within a mile of 
 it. Like as a war-worn charger, grazing in peaceful 
 plains, starts at a strain of martial music, pricks up hi? 
 ears, and snorts, and paws, and kindles at the noise, so 
 did the heroic Peter joy to hear the clangour oi f\d 
 
HISTORY OF NEW YOBK. 
 
 39 
 
 trampet ; for of Mm might truly be said, what was re- 
 corded of the renowned St. G-eorge of England, " there 
 was nothing in all the world that more rejoiced his heart 
 than to hear the pleasant sound of war, and see the 
 soldiers brandish forth their steeled weapons." Casting 
 his eye more kindly, therefore, upon the sturdy Van 
 Corlear, and finding him to be a jovial varlet, shrewd in 
 his discourse, yet of great discretion and immeasurable 
 wind, he straightway conceived a vast kindness for him, 
 and discharging him from the troublesome duty ef 
 garrisoning, defending, and alarming the city, ever after 
 retained him about his person, as his chief favourite, 
 confidential envoy, and trusty squira Instead of dis- 
 turbing the city with disastrous notes, he was instructed 
 to play so as to delight the governor while at his repasts, 
 as did the minstrels of yore in the days of glorious 
 chivalry ; and on all public occasions to rejoice the ears 
 of the people with warlike melody, thereby keeping alivo 
 a noble and martial spirit. 
 
 But the measure of the valiant Peter which produced 
 the greatest agitation in the community was his laying 
 his hand upon the currency. He had old-fashioned 
 notions in favour of gold and silver, which he considered 
 the true standards of wealth and mediums of commerce, 
 and one of his first edicts was that all duties to govern- 
 ment should be paid in those precious metals, and that 
 jeawant, or wampum, should no longer be a legal tender. 
 
 Here was a blow at public prosperity I All those who 
 speculated on the rise and fall of this fluctuating 
 currency found their calling at an end : those, too, who 
 had hoarded Indian money by barrels full, found their 
 capital shrunk in amount ; but, above all, the Yankee 
 traders, who were accustomed to flood the market with 
 newly-coined oyster-shells, and to abstract Dutch mer- 
 chandise in exchange, were loud-mouthed in decrying 
 this " tampering with the currency." It was clipping 
 the wings of commerce ; it was checking the development 
 
40 
 
 JCISTOBT OF NEW YORK. 
 
 of public prosperity ; trade would be at an end ; goods 
 would moulder on the shelves ; grain would rot in the 
 granaries ; grass would grow in the market-place. In a 
 word, no one who has not heard the outcries and howlings 
 of a modern Tarshish, at any check upon " paper money," 
 can have any idea of the clamour against Peter the 
 Headstrong for checking the circulation of oyster-shells. 
 
 In fact, trade did shrink into narrower channels ; bat 
 then the stream was deep as it was broad. The honest 
 Dutchmen sold less goods ; but then they got the worth 
 of them, either in silver and gold, or in codfish, tin-ware, 
 apple-brandy, Weathersfield onions, wooden bowls, and 
 other articles of Yankee barter. The ingenious people of 
 the east, however, indemnified themselves in another way 
 for having to abandon the coinage of oyster-shells, for 
 about this time we are told that wooden nutmegs made 
 their first appearance in New Amsterdam, to the great 
 annoyance of the Dutch housewives. 
 
 NOTE. 
 
 From a manuscript record of the province (Lib. N.-Y. Hist. Soc.). — 
 " We have been unable to render your inhabitants wiser, and prevent 
 their being further imposed upon, than to declare, absolutely and 
 peremptorily, that henceforward seawaiit shall be bullion — not longer 
 admissible in trade, without any value, as it is indeed. So that every 
 one may be upon his guard to barter no longer away his wares and 
 merchandises for these bubbles ; at least not to accept them at a 
 higher rate, or in a larger quantity, than as they may want them in 
 their trade with the savages. 
 
 " In this way your English [Yankee] neighbours shall no longer be 
 enabled to draw the best wares and merchandises from our country 
 for nothing ; the beavers and furs not excepted. This has, indeed, 
 long since been insufferable ; although it ought chiefly to be imputed 
 to the imprudent penuriousness of our own merchants and inha- 
 bitants, who, it is to be hoped, shall, through the abolition of this sea- 
 want, become wiser and more prudent. 
 
 " 27th January, 1662. 
 
 " Seawant falls into disrepute ; duties to be paid in silver coin,* 
 
 CHAPTER III. 
 Now it came to pass, that while Peter Stuyvesant was 
 busy regulating the internal aft'airs of his domain, the 
 great Yankee league, which had caused such tribulation 
 
HISTORY OF NEW YORK. 
 
 41 
 
 to William tlie Testy, continued to increase in extent and 
 power. The grand Amphictyonic council of the league 
 was held at Boston, where it spun a web which threatened 
 to link within it all the mighty principalities and powers 
 of the east. The object proposed by this formidable com- 
 bination was mutual protection and defence against their 
 savage neighbours ; but all the world knows the real aim 
 was to form a grand crusade against the Nieuw Neder- 
 landts and to get possession of the city of the Manhat- 
 toes— as devout an object of enterprise and ambition to 
 the Yankees as was ever the capture of Jerusalem to 
 ancient Crusaders. 
 
 In the very year following the inauguration of Governor 
 StuyVesant, a grand deputation departed from the city of 
 Providence (famous for its dusty streets and beauteous 
 women) in behalf of the plantation of Rhode Island, 
 praying to be admitted into the league. 
 
 The following minute of this deputation appears in the 
 ancient records of the council.* 
 
 " Mr. Will. Cottington and Captain Partridg of Rhoode 
 Island presented this insewing request to the commis- 
 sioners in wrighting — 
 
 "Our request and motion is in behalf e of Rhoode 
 Hand, that wee the ilanders of Rhoode Hand may be 
 rescauied into combination with all the united colonyes 
 of New England in a firme and perpetual league of 
 friendship and amity of ofence and defence, mutual! 
 advice and succor upon all just occasions for our mutuall 
 safety and wellfaire, etc. " Will. Cottington. 
 
 " Alicxsander Pakteidg." 
 
 There was certainly something in the very physiognomy 
 of this document that might well inspire apprehension. 
 The name of Alexander, however mis-spelt, has been 
 warlike in every age, and though its fierceness is in 
 some measure softened by being coupled with the gentle 
 • Haz. ColL Stat. Pap. 
 
 t 
 
42 
 
 HISTORY OF NEW YORK. 
 
 cognomen of Partridge, still, like the colour of scarl ?t, it 
 bears an exceeding great resemblance to the sound of a 
 trumpet. From the style of the letter, moreover, and the 
 soldier-like ignorance of orthography displayed by the 
 noble Captain Alicxsander Partridg in spelling his own 
 name, we may picture to ourselves this mighty man of 
 Rhodes, strong in arms, potent in the field, and as great a 
 scholar as though he had been educated among that 
 learned people of Thrace, -who, Aristotle assures us, could 
 not count beyond the number four. 
 
 The result of this great Yankee league was augmented 
 audacity on the part of the moss-troopers of Connecticut, 
 pushing their encroachments farther and farther into the 
 territories of their High Mightinesses, so that even the 
 inhabitants of New Amsterdam began to draw short 
 breath, and to iind themselves exceedingly cramped for 
 elbow-room. 
 
 Peter Stuyvesant was not a man to submit quietly to 
 such intrusions ; his first impulse was to march at once 
 to the frontier, and kick these squatting Yankees out of 
 the country ; but, bethinking himself in time that he was 
 now a governor and legislator, the policy of the statesman 
 for once cooled the fire of the old soldier, and he deter- 
 mined to try his hand at negotiation. A correspondence 
 accordingly ensued between him and the grand council of 
 the league, and it was agreed that commissioners from 
 either side should meet at Hartford, to settle boundaries, 
 adjust grievances, and establish a " perpetual and happy 
 peace." 
 
 The commissioners on the part of the Manhattoes were 
 chosen, according to immemorial usage of that venerable 
 metropolis, from among the " wisest and weightiest " men 
 of the community ; that is to say, men with the oldest 
 heads and heaviest pockets. Among these sages the 
 veteran navigator, Hans Reinier Oothout, who had made 
 such extensive discoveries during the time of Ololfe the 
 Dreamer, was looked up to as an oracle in all matters of 
 
HISTORY OF NEW YOKK. 
 
 43 
 
 the kind ; and lie was ready to produce the very spy-glass 
 with which he first spied the mouth of the Conneciticut 
 river from his masthead, and all the world knows that 
 the discovery of the mouth of a river gives prior right to 
 all the lands drained by its waters. 
 
 It was with feelings of pride and exultation that the 
 good people of the Manhattoes saw two of the richest and 
 most ponderous burghers departing on this embassy ; men 
 whose word on 'Change was oracular, and in whose pre- 
 sence no poor man ventured to appear without taking ofE 
 his hat : when it was seen, too, that the veteran Reinier 
 Oothont accompanied them with his spy-glass under hia 
 arm, all the old men and old women predicted that men 
 of such weight, with such evidence, would leave the 
 Yankees no alternative but to pack up their tin-kettles 
 and wooden wares, put wife and children in a cart, and 
 abandon all the lands of their High Mightinesses on 
 which they had squatted. 
 
 In truth, the commissioners sent to Hartford by tha 
 league seemed in no wise calculated to compete with men 
 of such capacity. 'Shey were two lean Yankee lawyers, 
 litigious-looking varlets, and evidently men of no sub- 
 stance, since they had no rotundity in the belt, and there 
 was no jingling of money in their pockets ; it is true they 
 had longer heads than the Dutchmen ; but if the heads 
 of the latter were flat at top. they were broad at bottom, 
 and what was wanting in height of forehead was made 
 up by a double chin. 
 
 The negotiation turned as usual upon the good old 
 comer-stone of original discovery ; according to the 
 principle that he who first sees a new country has an 
 unquestionable right to it. This being admitted, the 
 veteran Oothout, at a concerted signal, stepped forth in 
 the assembly with the identical tarpaulin spy-glass in 
 his hand with which he had discovered the mouth of the 
 Connecticut, while the worthy Dutch commissioners lolled 
 bi»ck in their chairs, secretly chuckling at the idea of 
 
44 
 
 HISTOBY OF NEW TOEK. 
 
 havili g for once got the weather-gatige of the Yankees ^ 
 but what was their dismay when the latter produced a 
 Nantucket whaler with a spy-glass, twice as long, with 
 which he discovered the whole coast, quite down to the 
 Manhattoes ; and so crooked that he had spied with it up 
 the whole course of the Connecticut river. This principle 
 pushed home, therefore, the Yankees had a right to the 
 whole country bordering on the Sound ; nay, the city of 
 New Amsterdam was a mere Dutch squatting-place on 
 their territories. 
 
 I forbear to dwell upon the confusion of the worthy 
 Dutch commissioners at finding their main pillar of 
 proof thus knocked from under them ; neither will I pre- 
 tend to describe the consternation of the wise men at the 
 Manhattoes when they learnt how their commissioner, had 
 been out-trumped by the Yankees, and how the latter pre- 
 tended to claim to the very gates of New Amsterdam. 
 
 Long was the negotiation protracted, and long was the 
 public mind kept in a state of anxiety. There are two 
 modes of settling boundary questions, when the claims of 
 the opposite parties are irreconcilable. One is by an 
 appeal to arms, in which case the weakest party is apt to 
 lose its right, and get a broken head into the bargain ; the 
 other mode is by compromise, or mutual concession— that 
 is to say, one party cedes half of its claims, and the other 
 party half of its rights ; he who grasps most gets most, 
 and the whole is pronounced an equitable division, " per« 
 fectly honourable to both parties." 
 
 The latter mode was adopted in the present instance. 
 The Yankees gave up claims to vast tracts of the Nieuw 
 Nederlandts which they had never seen, and all right tcv 
 the island of Manna-hata and the city of New Amster- 
 dam, to which they had no right at all ; while the Dutch, 
 in return, agreed that the Yankees should retain posses- 
 sion of the frontier places where they had squatted, and 
 of both sides of the Connecticut river. 
 
 When the news of this treaty arrived at New Amster- 
 
I 
 
 HISTORT OP NEW TORK. 45 
 
 dam, the whole city was in an uproar of exultation. The 
 old women rejoiced that there was to be no war, the old 
 men that their cabbage-gardens were safe from invasion ; 
 while the political sages pronounced the treaty a gi^~l 
 triumph over the Yankees, considering how much they had 
 claimed, and how little they had been " fobbed off with." 
 
 And now my worthy reader is, doubtless, like the great 
 and good Peter, congratulating himself with the idea 
 that his feelings will no longer be harassed by afflicting 
 details of stolen horses, broken heads, impounded hogs, 
 and all the other catalogue of heart-rending cruelties 
 that disgraced these border wars. But if he should in- 
 dulge in such expectations, it is a proof that he is but 
 little versed in the paradoxical ways of cabinets ; to con- 
 vince him of which I solicit his serious attention to my 
 next chapter, wherein I will show that Peter Stuyvesant 
 has already committed a great error in politics, and, by 
 effecting a peace, has materially hazarded the tranquillity 
 of the province. 
 
 CHAPTER IV. 
 It was the opinion of that poetical philosopher, Lucre- 
 tius, that war was the original state of man, whom he 
 described as being, primitively, a savage beast of prey, 
 engage<i in a constant state of hostility with his own 
 species, and that this ferocious spirit was tamed ana 
 ameliorated by society. The same opinion has been 
 advocated by Hobbes ; * nor have there been wanting 
 many other philosophers to admit and defend it. 
 
 For my part, though prodigiously fond of these 
 valuable speculations, so complimentary to human nature, 
 yet, in this instance, I am inclined to take the proposition 
 by halves, believing with Horace,t that though wa-t 
 • Hobbes's Leviathan, parti., ch. 13. 
 t " Chm prorepserunt primis aniuialia terris, 
 
 Mutum et turpe pecus, glandem at.que cubilia prepter, 
 Unguibus et puguis, deiii fustibus, atque ita porro 
 Puguabaiit ariuis, qua; post £abricaverat usus." 
 
 Hob. Sat. lib. i. s. 
 
46 
 
 HISTORY OF NEW YOEK, 
 
 may have been originally the favourite amnseiaent and 
 industrious employment of our progenitors, yet, like 
 many other excellent habits, so far from being amelio- 
 rated, it has been cultivated and confirmed by refinement 
 and civilisation, and increases in exact proportion as we 
 approach towards that state of perfection, which is the 
 ne plus ultra of modern philosophy. 
 
 The first conflict between man and man was the mere 
 exertion of physical force, unaided by auxiliary weapons 
 — his arm was his buckler, his fist was his mace, and a 
 broken head the catastrophe of his encounters. The 
 battle of unassisted strength was succeeded by the more 
 rugged one of stones and clubs, and war assumed a san- 
 guinary aspect. As man advanced in refinement, as his 
 faculties expanded, and as his sensibilities became more 
 exquisite, he grew rapidly more ingenious and experienced 
 in the art of murdering his fellow-beings. He invented 
 a thousand devices to defend and to assault — the helmet, 
 the cuirass, and the buckler, the sword, the dart, and the 
 javelin, prepared him to elude the wound as well as to 
 launch the blow. Still urging on, in the career of 
 philanthropic invention, he enlarges and heightens his 
 powers of defence and injury. The aries, the scorpio, 
 the balista, and the catapulta, give a horror and sub- 
 limity to war, and magnify its glory, by increasing 
 its desolation. Still insatiable, though armed with 
 machinery that seemed to reach the limits of destructive 
 invention, and to yield a power of injury commensurate 
 even with the desires of revenge — still deeper researches 
 must be made in the diabolical arcana. With furious 
 zeal he dives into the bowels of the earth ; he toils midst 
 poisonous minerals and deadly salts — the sublime dis- 
 covery of gunpowder blazes upon the world ; and finally, 
 the dreadful art of fighting by proclamation seems to 
 endow the demon of war with ubiquity and omnipotenae ! 
 
 This, indeed, is grand ! — this, indeed, marks the powers 
 of mind, and bespeaks that divine endowment of reason, 
 
HISXOEi' OF NEW YORK, 
 
 4? 
 
 fliich distinguislies us from the animals, our inferiors. 
 The unenlightened brutes content themselves with the 
 native force which Providence has assigned them. The 
 angry bull butts with his horns, as did his progenitors 
 before him ; the lion, the leopard, and the tiger, seek 
 only with their talons and their fangs to gratify their 
 sanguinary fury ; and even the subtle serpent darts the 
 same venom, and uses the same wiles, as did his sire 
 before the flood. Man alone, blessed with the inventive 
 mind, goes on from discovery to discovery ; enlarges and 
 multiplies his powers of destruction ; arrogates the tre- 
 mendous weapons of Deity itself, and tasks creation to 
 assist him in murdering his brother worm ! 
 
 In proportion as the art of war has increased in im- 
 provement has the art of preserving peace advanced in 
 equal ratio ; and as we have discovered, in this age of 
 wonders and inventions, that proclamation is the most 
 formidable engine in war, so have we discovered the no 
 less ingenious mode of maintaining peace by perpetual 
 negotiations. 
 
 A treaty, or, to speak more correctly, a negotiation, 
 therefore, according to the acceptation of experienced 
 statesmen learned in these matters, is no longer an 
 attempt to accommodate differences, to ascertain rights, 
 and to establish an equitable exchange of kind offices ; 
 but a contest of skill between two powers which shall 
 overreach and take in the other. It is a cunning endea- 
 vour to obtain by peaceful manoeuvre and the chicanery 
 of cabinets those advantages which a nation would 
 otherwise have wrested by force of arms ; in the same 
 manner as a conscientious highwayman reforms and 
 becomes a quiet and praiseworthy citizen, contenting 
 himself with cheating his neighbour out of that property 
 he would formerly have seized with open violence. 
 
 In fact, the only time when two nations can be said to 
 be in a state of perfect amity is when a negotiation ia 
 open and a treaty pending. Then, when there are no 
 
48 
 
 HISTOEY OF NEW YORK. 
 
 stipulations entered into, no bonds to restrain tihe will, 
 no specific limits to awaken the captious jealousy of 
 right implanted in our nature ; when each party has 
 some advantage to hope and expect from the other, then 
 it is that the two nations are wonderfully gracious and 
 friendly ; their ministers professing the highest mutual 
 regard, exchanging billets-doux, making fine speeches, 
 and indulging in all those little diplomatic flirtations, 
 coquetries, and fondlings, that do so marvellously tickle 
 the good humour of the respective nations. Thus it may 
 paradoxically be said, that there is never so good an 
 understanding between two nations as when there is a 
 little misunderstanding— and that so long as they are on 
 no terms at all they are on the best terms in the world I 
 I do not by any means pretend to claim the merit of 
 having made the above discovery. It has, in fact, long 
 been secretly acted upon by certain enlightened cabinets, 
 and is, together with divers other notable theories, 
 privately copied out of the commonplace book of an 
 illustrious gentleman who has been member of congress, 
 and enjoyed the unlimited confidence of heads of depart- 
 ments. To this principle may be ascribed the wonderful 
 ingenuity shown of late years in protracting and inter- 
 rupting negotiations. Hence the cunning measure of 
 appointing as ambassador some political pettifogger 
 skilled in delays, sophisms, and misapprehensions, and 
 dexterous in the art of baffling argument ; or some 
 blundering statesman, whose errors and misconstructions 
 may be a plea for refusing to ratify his engagements. 
 And hence, too, that most notable expedient, so popular 
 with our government, of sending out a brace of ambassa- 
 iors, between whom, having each an individual will to 
 consult, character to establish, and interest to promote, 
 you may as well look for unanimity and concord as be- 
 tween two lovers with one mistress, two dogs with one 
 bone, or two naked rogues with one pair of breeches. 
 This disagreement, therefore, is continually breeding 
 
HISTORY OF NEW YORK. 
 
 delays and impediments, in consequence of -whicli the 
 negotiation goes on swimmingly, inasmuch as there is no 
 prospect of its ever coming to a close. Nothing is lost 
 by these delays and obstacles but time ; and in a nego- 
 tiation, according to the theory I have exposed, all time 
 lost is in reality so much time gained : with what delight- 
 ful paradoxes does modern political economy abound ! 
 
 Now all that I have here advanced is so notorioiisly 
 true, that I almost blush to take up the time of my 
 readers with treating of matters which must many a 
 time have stared them in the face. But the proposition 
 to which I woTild most earnestly call their attention ia 
 this, that though a negotiation be the most harmonising 
 of all national transactions, yet a treaty of peace is a 
 great political evil, and one of the most fruitful sources 
 of war. 
 
 I have i-arely seen an instance of any special contract 
 between individuals that did not produce jealousies, 
 bickerings, and often downright ruptures between them ; 
 nor did I ever know of a treaty between two nations 
 that did not occasion continual misunderstandings. 
 How many worthy country neighbours have I known, 
 who, after living in peace and good-fellowship for years, 
 have been thrown into a state of distrust, cavilling, and 
 animosity, by some ill-starred agreement about fences, 
 runs of water, and stray cattle ! And how many well- 
 meaning nations, who would otherwise have remained in 
 the most amicable disposition towards each other, have 
 been brought to swords' points about the infringement or 
 misconstruction of some treaty, which in an evil hour they 
 had concluded, by way of making their amity more sure 1 
 
 Treaties at best are but complied with so long as 
 interest requires their fulfilment ; consequently they are 
 virtually binding on the weaker party only, or, in plain 
 truth, they are not binding at all. No nation will 
 wantonly go to war with another if it has nothing to 
 gain thereby, and therefore needs no treaty to restrain it 
 
50 
 
 HISTORY OF KEW YOEE. 
 
 from violence ; and if it have anything to gain, I much 
 question, from what I have witnessed of the righteous 
 conduct of nations, whether any treaty could be made so 
 strong that it could not thrust the sword through : nay, 
 I would hold ten to one the treaty itself would be the 
 very source to which resort would be had to find a 
 pretext for hostilities. 
 
 Thus, therefore, I conclude— that though it is the best 
 of all policies for a nation to keep up a constant nego- 
 tiation with its neighbours, yet it is the summit of folly 
 for it ever to be beguiled into a treaty ; for then comes 
 on non-fulfilment and infraction, then remonstrance, 
 then altercation, then retaliation, then recrimination, 
 and finally open war. In a word, negotiation is like 
 courtship, a time of sweet words, gallant speeches, soft 
 looks, and endearing caresses — but the marriage ceremony 
 is the signal for hostilities. 
 
 If my painstaking reader be not somewhat perplexed 
 by the ratiocination of the foregoing passage, he will 
 perceive at a glance that the great Peter, in concluding 
 a treaty with his eastern neighbours, was guilty of 
 lamentable error in policy. In fact, to this unlucky 
 agreement may be traced a world of bickerings and 
 heart-burnings between the parties, about fancied or 
 pretended infringements of treaty stipulations ; in all 
 which the Yankees were prone to indemnify themselves 
 by a " dig into the sides " of the New Netherlands. But, 
 in sooth, these border feuds, albeit they gave great 
 annoyance to the good burghers of Manna-hata, were so 
 pitiful in their nature, that a grave historian like myself, 
 who grudges the time spent in anything less than the 
 revolutions of states and fall of empires, would deem 
 them unworthy of being inscribed on his page. The 
 reader is, therefore, to take it for granted — though I scorn 
 to waste in the detail that time which my furrowed 
 brow and trembling hand inform me is invaluable— 
 that all the while the great Peter was occupied in those 
 
 J 
 
HISTOET OF NEW YOEK. 
 
 51 
 
 tremendous and bloody contests -which I shall shortly 
 rehearse, there was a continued series of little, dirty, 
 snivelling scourings, broils, and maraudings, kept up on 
 the eastern frontiers by the moss-troopers of Connecticut. 
 But, like that mirror of chivalry, the sage and valorous 
 Don Quixote, I leave these petty contests for some future 
 Sancho Panza of an historian, while I reserve my prowess 
 and my pen for achievements of higher dignity ; for at 
 this moment I hear a direful and portentous note issuing 
 from the bosom of the great council of the league, and 
 resounding throughout the regions of the east, menacing 
 the fame and fortunes of Peter Stuyvesant. I call, there- 
 fore, upon the reader to leave' behind him all the paltry 
 brawls of the Connecticut borders, and to press forward 
 with me to the relief of our favourite hero, who, I fore- 
 see, will be wof uUy beset by the implacable Yankees in 
 the next chapter. 
 
 CHAPTER V. 
 
 That the reader may be aware of the peril at this 
 moment menacing Peter Stuyvesant and his capital, I 
 must remind him of the old charge advanced in the 
 council of the league in the time of William the Testy, 
 that the Nederlanders were carrying on a trade " damn- 
 able and injurious to the colonists," in furnishing the 
 savages with " guns, powther, and shott." This, as I 
 then suggested, was a crafty device of the Yankee con- 
 federacy to have a snug cause of war in petto, in case any 
 favourable opportunity should present of attempting the 
 conquest of the New Nederlands, the great object of 
 Yankee ambition. 
 
 Accordingly, we now find, when every other ground of 
 complaint had apparently been removed by treaty, this 
 nefarious charge revived with tenfold virulence, and 
 hurled like a thunderbolt at the very head of Peter 
 Stuyvesant ; happily his head, like that of the great bull 
 of the Wabash, was proof against such missiles. 
 
52 
 
 HISTOET or NEW TOEK, 
 
 To be explicit, we are told that, ia the year 1651, the 
 great confederacy of the east accused the immaculate 
 Peter, the soul of honour and heart of steel, of secretly 
 endeavouring, by gifts and promises, to instigate the 
 Narroheganset, Mohaque, and Pequot Indians to surprise 
 and massacre the Yankee settlements. " For," as the 
 grand council observed, " the Indians round about for 
 divers hundred miles cercute seeme to have drunk deepe 
 of an intoxicating cupp, att or from the Manhattoes 
 against the English, v^hoe have sought their good, both 
 in bodily and spirituall respects." 
 
 This charge they pretended to support by the evidence 
 of divers Indians, who were probably moved by that 
 spirit of truth which is said to reside in the bottle, and 
 who swore to the fact as sturdily as though they had 
 been so many Christian troopers. 
 
 Though descended from a family which suffered much 
 injury from the losel Yankees of those times, my great- 
 grandfather having had a yoke of oxen and his best 
 pacer stolen, and having received a pair of black eyes 
 and a bloody nose in one of these border wars ; and my 
 grandfather, when a very little boy tending pigs, having 
 been kidnapped and severely flogged by a long-sided 
 Connecticut schoolmaster — yet I should have passed over 
 all these wrongs with forgiveness and oblivion — I could 
 even have suffered them to have broken Everet Ducking's 
 head ; to have kicked the doughty Jacobus Van Curlet and 
 his ragged regiment out of doors ; to have carried every 
 hog into captivity, and depopulated every hen-roost on 
 *vhe face of the earth with perfect impunity — but this 
 wanton attack upon one of the most gallant and irre- 
 proachable heroes of modem times is too much even for 
 me to digest, and has overset, with a single puff, the 
 patience of the historian and the forbearance of the 
 Dutchman. 
 
 Oh, reader, it was false ! I swear to thee, it was false 1 
 If thou hast any respect to my word, if the ujideviating 
 
HISTORY OP NEW TORE. 
 
 53 
 
 character for veracity, whicli I have endeavoured to 
 maintain throughout this work, has its due weight with 
 thee, thou wilt not give thy faith to this tale of slander ; 
 for I pledge my honour and my immortal fame to thee, 
 tliat the gallant Peter Stuyvesant was not only innocent 
 of this foul conspiracy, but would have suffered his right 
 arm, or even his wooden leg, to consume with slow and 
 everlasting flames, rather than attempt to destroy his 
 enemies in any other way than open, generous warfare. 
 Beshrew those caitiff scouts that conspired to stilly his 
 honest name by such an imputation 1 
 
 Peter Stuyvesant, though haply he may never have 
 heard of a knight-errant, had as true a heart of chivalry 
 as ever beat at the round table of King Arthur. In the 
 honest bosom of this heroic Dutchman dwelt the seven 
 noble virtues of knighthood, iiourishing among his hardy 
 qualities like wild flowers among rocks. He was, in 
 truth, a hero of chivalry struck off by Nature at a single 
 heat, and though little care may have been taken to 
 refine her workmanship, he stood forth a miracle of her 
 skill. In all his dealings he was headstrong perhaps, but 
 open and above board ; if there was anything in the whole 
 world he most loathed and despised, it was cunning and 
 secret wile ; " straight forward " was his motto, and he 
 would at any time rather run his hard head against a 
 stone wall than attempt to get round it. 
 
 Such was Peter Stuyvesant, and if my admiration o£ 
 him has on this occasion transported my style beyond 
 the sober gravity which becomes the philosophic recorder 
 of historic events, I must plead as an apology that 
 though a little grey-headed Dutchman, arrived almost 
 at the down-hill of life, I still retain a lingering spark of 
 that fire which kindles in the ej^e of youth when con- 
 templating the virtues of ancient worthies. Blessed 
 thrice, and nine times blessed be the good St. Nicholas, if 
 I have indeed escaped that apathy which chills the syi»i>a- 
 fchies of age and paralyses every glow of enthusiasm. 
 
54 HISTOET OV NEW YORK. 
 
 The first measure of Peter Stuyvesant, on hearing of 
 this slanderous charge, would have been worthy of a 
 man who had studied for years in the chivalrous library 
 of Don Quixote. Drawing his sword and laying it across 
 the table to put him in proper tune, he took pen in hand 
 and indited a proud and lofty letter to the council of the 
 league, reproaching them with giving ear to the slanders 
 of heathen savages against a Christian, a soldier, and a 
 cavalier ; declaring that whoever charged him with the 
 plot in (Question lied in his throat ; to prove which he 
 offered to meet the president of the council, or any of his 
 compeers ; or their champion, Captain Alexander Par- 
 tridge, that mighty man of Ehodes, in single combat ; 
 wherein he trusted to vindicate his honour by the prowess 
 of his arm. 
 
 This missive was intrusted to his trumpeter and squire, 
 Antony Van Corlear, that man of emergencies, with 
 orders to travel night and day, sparing neither whip nor 
 spur, seeing that he carried the vindication of his patron's 
 fame in his saddle-bags. The loyal Antony accom- 
 plished his mission with great speed and considerable 
 loss of leather. He delivered his missive with becoming 
 ceremony, accompanying it with a flourish of defiance on 
 his trumpet to the whole council, ending with a signifi- 
 cant and nasal twang full in the face of Captain Par- 
 tridge, who nearly jumped out of his skin in an ecstasy 
 of astonishment. 
 
 The grand council was composed of men too cool and 
 practical to be put readily in a heat, or to indulge in 
 knight-errantry, and above all to run a tilt with such a 
 fiery hero as Peter the Headstrong. They knew the advan- 
 tage, however, to have always a snug, justifiable cause of 
 war in reserve with a neighbour who had territories 
 worth invading ; so they devised a reply to Peter Stuyve- 
 sant, calculated to keep up the " raw " which they had 
 established. 
 
 On receiving this answer, Antony Van Corlear re- 
 
HISIOKY OF NEW YORK. 
 
 55 
 
 mounted the Flanders mare which he always rode, and 
 trotted merrily back to the Manhattoes, solacing himself 
 by the way according to his wont ; twanging his trumpet 
 like a very devil, so that the sweet valleys and banks of 
 the Connecticut resounded with the warlike melody ; 
 bringing all the folks to the windows as he passed 
 through Hartford and Pyquag and Middletown, and all 
 the other border towns ; ogling and winking at the 
 women, and making aerial windmills from the end of his 
 nose at their husbands ; and stopping occasionally in tlie 
 villages to eat pumpkin-pies, dance at country frolics, 
 and bundle with the Yankee lasses, whom he rejoiced ex- 
 ceedingly with his soul-stirring instrument. 
 
 CHAPTER VI. 
 The reply of the grand council to Peter Stuyvesant was 
 couched in the coolest and most diplomatic language. 
 They assured him that " his confident denials of the bar- 
 barous plot alleged against him would weigh little 
 against the testimony of divers sober and respectable 
 Indians ; " that " his guilt was proved to their perfect 
 satisfaction," so that they must still require and seek due 
 satisfactioji and security ; ending with — •' so we rest, sir 
 — Yours in ways of righteousness." 
 
 I forbear to say how the lion-hearted Peter roared and 
 ramped at finding himself more and more entangled in 
 the meshes thus artfully drawn round him by the know< 
 ing Yankees. Impatient, however, of suffering so gross 
 an aspersion to rest upon his honest name, he sent a 
 second messenger to the council, reiterating his denial 
 of the treachery imputed to him, and offering to submit hia 
 conduct to the scrutiny of a court of honour. His offer 
 was readily accepted ; and now he looked forward with 
 confidence to an august tribunal to be assembled a,t 
 the Manhattoes, formed of high-minded cavaliers, perad- 
 v^ture governors and commanders of the cpnfede?at§ 
 
56 
 
 HISTOEY OF NEW YORE. 
 
 plantations, where the matter miglit be investigated by 
 his peers in a manner befitting his rank and dignity. 
 
 While he was awaiting the arrival of snch high func- 
 tionaries, behold, one sunshiny afternoon there rode into 
 the great gate of the Manhattoes two lean, hungry-look- 
 ing Yankees, mounted on Narraganset pacers, with saddle- 
 bags under their bottoms, and green satchels under their 
 arms, who looked marvellously like two pettifogging 
 attorneys beating the hoof from one county court to 
 another in quest of lawsuits ; and, in sooth, though they 
 may have passed under difPerent names at the time, I 
 have reason to suspect they were the identical varlets 
 who had negotiated the worthy Dutch commissioners out 
 of the Connecticut river. 
 
 It was a rule with these indefatigable missionaries 
 aever to let the grass grow under their feet. Scarce had 
 they, therefore, alighted at the inn and deposited 
 their saddle-bags, than they made their way to the resi- 
 dence of the governor. They found him, according to 
 custom, smoking his afternoon pipe on the " stoop," or 
 bench at the porch of his house, and announced them- 
 selves at once as commissioners sent by the grand coun- 
 cil of the east to investigate the truth of certain charges 
 advanced against him. 
 
 The good Peter took his pipe from his mouth, and 
 gazed at them for a moment in mute astonishment. By 
 way of expediting business, they were proceeding on the 
 spot to put some preliminary questions ; asking him, 
 peradventure, whether he pleaded guilty or not guilty, 
 considering him something in the light of a culprit at 
 * the bar ; when they were brought to a pause by seeing 
 him lay down his pipe and begin to fumble with his 
 walking-staff. For a moment those present would not 
 have given half a crown for both the crowns of the com- 
 missioners ; but Peter Stuyvesant repressed his mighty 
 wrath and stayed his hand ; he scanned the varlets from 
 head to foot, satchels and all. with a look of ineffable 
 
HTSTORY OF NEW YORK. 
 
 57 
 
 scorn : then strode into the house, slammed the door after 
 him, and commanded that they should never again be 
 admitted to his presence. 
 
 The knowing commissioners winked to each other, and 
 made a certificate on the spot that the governor had re- 
 fused to answer their interrogatories or to submit to 
 their examination. They then proceeded to rummage 
 about the city for two or three days, in quest of what 
 they called evidence, perplexing Indians and old women 
 with their cross-questioning until they had stuffed their 
 satchels and saddle-bags with all kinds of apocryphal 
 tales, rumours, and calumnies ; with these they mounted 
 their Narraganset pacers, and travelled back to the grand 
 council. Neither did the proud-hearted Peter trouble 
 himself to hinder their researches nor impede their 
 departure ; he was too mindful of their sacred character 
 as envoys ; but I warrant me had they played the same 
 tricks with William the Testy, he would have had them 
 tucked up by the waistband, and treated to an aerial 
 gambol on his patent gallows. 
 
 CHAPTER VII. 
 
 The grand council of the east held a solemn meeting on 
 the return of their envoys. As no advocate appeared in 
 behalf of Peter Stuyvesant, everything went against him. 
 His haughty refusal to submit to the questioning of the 
 commissioners was construed into a consciousness of 
 guilt. The contents of the satchels and saddle-bags were 
 poured forth before the council, and appeared a mountain 
 of evidence. A pale bilious orator took the floor, and 
 declaimed for hours and in belligerent terms. He was 
 one of those furious zealots who blow the bellows of 
 faction until the whole furnace of politics is red-hot with 
 sparks and cinders. What was it to him if he should set 
 the house on fire, so that he might boil his pot by the 
 blaze? He was from the borders of Connecticut; hia 
 
/ 
 
 58 HISTOSY OF NEW YORK. 
 
 constituents liyed by marauding their Dutch neighbours, 
 and were the greatest poachers in Christendom, excepting 
 the Scotch border nobles. His eloquence had its effect, and 
 it was determined to set on foot an expedition against 
 the Nieuw Nederlandts. 
 
 It was necessary, however, to prepare the public mind 
 for this measure. Accordingly the arguments of the 
 orator were echoed from the pulpit for several succeeding 
 Sundays, and a crusade was preached up against Peter 
 Stuyvesant and his devoted city. 
 
 This is the first we hear of the "drum ecclesiastic" 
 beating up for recruits in worldly warfare in our country. 
 It has since been called into frequent use. A cunning 
 politician often lurks under the clerical robe ; things 
 spiritual and things temporal are strangely jumbled 
 together, like drugs on an apothecary's shelf ; and 
 instead of a peaceful sermon, the simple seeker after 
 righteousness has often a political pamphlet thrust down 
 his throat, labelled with a pious text from Scripture. 
 
 And now nothing was talked of but an expedition 
 against the Manhattoes. It pleased the populace, who 
 had a vehement prejudice against the Dutch, considering 
 them a vastly inferior race, who had sought the new 
 world for the lucre of gain, not the liberty of conscience ; 
 who were mere heretics and infidels, inasmuch as they 
 refused to believe in witches and sea-serpents, and had 
 faith in the virtues of horse-shoes nailed to the door ; 
 ate pork without molasses ; held pumpkins in contempt, 
 and were in perpetual breach of the eleventh command- 
 ment of all true Yankees, " Thou shalt have codfish 
 dinners on Saturdays." 
 
 No sooner did Peter Stuyvesant get wind of the storm 
 that was brewing in the east, than he set to work to 
 prepare for it. He was not one of those economical 
 rulers who postpone the expense of fortifjang until the 
 enemy is at the door. There is nothing, he would 
 say, that keeps off enemies and crows more than the 
 
 » 
 
HI3TOBY OF NEW YORK. 
 
 59 
 
 smell of gmipowder. He proceeded, therefore, with all 
 diligence, to put the province and its metropolis in a pos- 
 ture of defence. 
 
 Among the remnants which remained from the days of 
 William the Testy were the militia laws, by which the 
 inhabitants were obliged to turn out twice a year, with 
 such military equipments as it pleased God ; and were 
 put under the command ot tailors and man-milliners, 
 who, though on ordinary occasions they might have been 
 the meekest, most pippin-hearted little men in the world, 
 were very devils at parades, when they had cocked hats 
 on their heads and swords by their sides. Under the 
 instructions of these periodical warriors, the peaceful 
 burghers of the Manhattoes were schooled in iron war, 
 an(? became so hardy in the process of time, that they 
 could march through sun and rain, from one end of the 
 town to the other, without flinching ; and so intrepid 
 and adroit, that they could face to the right, wheel to the 
 left, and fire without winking or blinking. 
 
 Peter Stuyvesant, like all old soldiers who have seen 
 service and smelt gunpowder, had no great respect for 
 militia troops ; however, he determined to give them a 
 trial, and accordingly called for a general muster, 
 inspection, and review. But, 0 Mars and Bellona ! what 
 a turning-out was here ! Here came old Roelant Cucka- 
 burt, with a short blunderbuss on his shoulder and a long 
 horsenjan's sword trailing by his side ; and Barent Dirk- 
 son, with something that looked like a copper- kettle 
 turned, upside down on his head, and a couple of old horse 
 pistols in his belt ; and Dirk Volkertson, with a long 
 duck fowling-piece without any ramrod, and a host more, 
 armed higgledy-piggledy with swords, hatchets, snicker- 
 snees, crowbars, broomsticks, and what not ; the oflRcers 
 distinguished from the rest by having their slouched hats 
 cocked up with pins and surmounted with cocktail 
 feathers. 
 
 The sturdy Peter eyed this nondescript host with some 
 
60 
 
 HISTORY OF NEW YOBS;. 
 
 such rnefiil aspect as a man would eye the devil, and 
 determined to give his feather-bed soldiers a seasoning. 
 He accordingly put them through their manual exercise 
 over and over again, trudged them backwards and 
 forwards about the streets of New Amsterdam, until 
 their short legs ached and their fat sides sweated again, 
 and finally encamped them in the evening ®n the summit 
 of a hill without the city, to give them a taste of camp 
 life, intending the next day to renew the toils and perils 
 of the field. But so it came to pass that in the night 
 there fell a great and heavy rain, and melted away the 
 army, so that in the niorning when Gaffer Phoebus shed 
 his fio-st beams upon the camp, scarce a warrior remained, 
 excepting Peter Stuyvesant and his trumpeter, Van 
 Corlear. 
 
 This awful desolation of a whole army would have 
 appalled a commander of less nerve ; but it served to 
 confirm Peter's want of confidence in the militia system, 
 which he thenceforward used to call, in joke — for he 
 sometimes indulged in a joke — ^William the Testy's broken 
 reed. He now took into his service a goodly number 
 of burly, broad-shouldered, broad-bottomed Dutchmen, 
 ■whom he paid in good silver and gold, and of whom he 
 boasted that, whether they could stand fire or not, they 
 were at least water-proof. 
 
 He fortified the city, too, with pickets and pallisadoes, 
 extending across the island from river to river ; and 
 above all tist up mud batteries or redoubts on the point 
 of the islaajl where it divided the beautiful bosom of the 
 bay. 
 
 These lattssr redoubts, in process of time, came to be 
 pleasantly o-vsrrun by a carpet of grass and clover, and 
 overshadowed by wide-spreading elms and sycamores, 
 among the branches of which the birds would build theii 
 nests and rejoice the ear with their melodious notes. 
 Under these trees, too, the old burghers would smoke 
 tneir afternoon pipe, contemplating the golden nun as 
 
HISTOET OF NEW YOSK. 
 
 61 
 
 he sank in tlie west, an emblem of the tranqtiil end 
 toward which, they were declining. Here, too, would 
 the young men and maidens of the town take their 
 evening stroll, watching the silver moonbeams as they 
 trembled along the calm bosom of the bay, or lit up the 
 sail of some gliding bark, and peradventure interchang- 
 ing the soft vows of honest affection ; for to evening 
 strolls in this favoured spot were traced most of the 
 marriages in New Amsterdam. 
 
 Such was the origin of that renowned promenade, The 
 Battery, which, though ostensibly devoted to the stern 
 purposes of war, has erer been consecrated to the sweet 
 delights of peace. The scene of many a gambol in happy 
 childhood — of many a tender assignation in riper years— 
 of many a soothing walk in declining age — the healthful 
 resort of the feeble invalid — the Sunday refreshment 
 of the dusty tradesman — in fine, the ornament and 
 delight of New York, and the pride of the lovely island 
 of Manna-hata. 
 
 CHAPTER VIII. 
 Having thus provided for the temporary security of 
 New Amsterdam, and guarded it against any sudden 
 surprise, the gallant Peter took a hearty pinch of snuff, 
 and snapping his fingers, set the great council of Amphic- 
 tyons and their champion, the redoubtable Alicxsander 
 Partridg, at defiance. In the meantime the moss-troopers 
 of Connecticut, the warriors of New Haven and Hart- 
 ford, and Pyquag — otherwise called Weathersfield, famous 
 for its onions and its witches — and of all the other 
 border towns, were in a prodigious turmoil, furbishing 
 up their rusty weapons, shouting aloud for war, and 
 anticipating easy conquests and glorious rummaging of 
 the fat little Dutch villages. 
 
 In the midst of these warlike preparations, however, 
 they received the chilling news that the «olony of Massa- 
 
62 
 
 HISTOKY OV NEW TORK. 
 
 chti setts refused to back tliem in this rigMeous war. It 
 seems that the gallant conduct of Peter Stuyvesant, the 
 generous warmth of his vindication, and the chivalrous 
 spirit of his defiance, though lost upon the grand council 
 of the league, had carried conviction to the general court 
 of Massachusetts, which nobly refused to believe him 
 guilty of the villainous plot laid at his door. * 
 
 The defection of so important a colony paralysed the 
 councils of the league. Some such dissension arose 
 among its members as prevailed of yore in the camp of 
 the brawling warriors of Greece, and in the end the 
 crusade against the Manhattoes was abandoned. 
 
 It is said that the moss-troopers of Connecticut were 
 sorely disappointed ; but well for them that their 
 belligerent cravings were not gratified, for, by my faith, 
 whatever might have been the ultimate result of a 
 conflict with all the powers of the east, in the interim the 
 stomachful heroes of Pyquag would have been choked 
 with their own onions, and all the border towns of 
 Connecticut would have had such a scouring from the 
 lion-hearted Peter and his robustious myrmidons, that 1 
 warrant me they would not have had the stomach to 
 squat on the land, or invade the henroost of a Neder- 
 lander for a century to come. 
 
 But it was not merely the refusal of Massachusetts to 
 join in their unholy crusade that confounded the councils 
 of the league ; for about this time broke out in the 
 New England provinces the awful plague of witchcraft, 
 which spread like pestilence through the land. Such a 
 howling abomination could not be suif ered to remain long 
 unnoticed ; it soon excited the fiery indignation of those 
 guardians of the commonwealth, who whilom had evinced 
 such active benevolence in the conversion of Quakers and 
 Anabaptists. The grand council of the league publicly 
 set their faces against the crime, and bloody laws were 
 enacted against all " solem conversing or compacting 
 • Hazard's State Papers. 
 
HISTORY OF NEW YORK. 
 
 63 
 
 with the diTii by the way of conjuracion or the like."* 
 Strict search, too, was made after witches, wno were 
 easily detected by devil's piaches ; by being able to weep 
 but three tears, and those out of the left eye ; and by 
 having a most suspicious predilection for black cats and 
 broomsticks ! What is particularly worthy of admiration 
 is, that this terrible art, which has baffled the studies and 
 researches of philosophers, astrologers, theurgists, and 
 other sages, was chiefly confined to the most ignorant, 
 decrepid, and ugly old women in the community, with 
 scarce more brains than the broomsticks they rode upon. 
 
 When once an alarm is sounded, the public, who 
 dearly love to be in a panic, are always ready to keep it 
 up. Raise but the cry of yellow fever, and immediately 
 every head-ache, indigestion, and overflowing of the bile 
 is pronounced the terrible epidemic ; cry out mad dog, 
 and every unlucky cur in the street is in jeopardy ; so in 
 the present instance, whoever was troubled with colic or 
 lumbago was sure to be bewitched ; and woe to any 
 unlucky old woman living in the neighbourhood. 
 
 It is incredible the number of offences that were . 
 detected, " for every one of which," says the Reverend 
 Cotton Mather, in that excellent work, the History of 
 New England, " we have such a sufficient evidence, that 
 no reasonable man in this whole country ever did 
 question them ; and it will be unreasojiable to do it in any 
 other." t 
 
 Indeed, that authentic and judicious historian, John 
 Josselyn, gent., furnishes us with unquestionable facts on 
 this subject. " There are none," observes he, " that beg 
 in this country, but there be witches too many — bottle- 
 bellied witches and others, that produce many strange 
 anparitions, if you will believe report, of a shallop at sea 
 manned with women — and of a ship and great red hoi'se 
 standing by the main-mast ; the ship being in a small 
 cove to the eastward vanished of a sudden," &c. 
 • New Plymouth Record, f Mather's Hist. New Eng. b. vi. ch. 7. 
 
64 
 
 HISTORY OF NEW YOEK. 
 
 The number of delinquents, however, and their ma^cal 
 devices, were not more remarkable than their diabolical 
 obstinacy. Though exhorted in the most solemn, per- 
 suasive, and affectionate manner, to confess themselves 
 guilty, and be burnt for the good of religion,, and the 
 entertainment of the public, yet did they most per- 
 tinaciously persist in asserting their innocence. Such 
 incredible obstinacy was in itself deserving of immediate 
 punishment, and was sufficient proof, if proof were 
 necessary, that they were in league with the devil, who 
 is perverseness itself. But their judges were just and 
 merciful, and were determined to punish none that were 
 not convicted on the best of testimony ; not that they 
 needed any evidence to satisfy their own minds, for, like 
 true and experienced judges, their minds were perfectly 
 made up, and they were thoroughly satisfied of the guilt of 
 the prisoners before they proceeded to try them ; but still 
 something was necessary to convince the community at 
 large, to quiet those prying quidnuncs who should come 
 after them — in short, the world must be satisfied. Oh the 
 world ! the world ! all the world knows the world of trouble 
 the world is eternally occasioning ! The worthy judges, 
 therefore, were driven to the necessity of sifting, detect- 
 ing, and making evident as noon-day, matters which were 
 at the commencement all clearly understood and firmly 
 decided upon in their own pericraniums'; so that it may 
 truly be said that the witches were burnt to gratify the 
 populace of the day, but were tried for the satisfaction 
 of the whole world that should come after them. 
 
 Finding, therefore, that neither exhortation, sound 
 reason, nor friendly entreaty had any avail on these 
 hardened offenders, they resorted to the more urgent 
 "vrguments of torture ; and having thus absolutely wrung 
 the truth from their stubborn lips, they condemned them 
 to undergo the roasting due unto the heinous crimes thev 
 had confessed. Some even carried their perverseness 
 BO far as to expire under the torture, protesting their 
 
HISTOET OP NEW TOEK. 
 
 66 
 
 innocence to the last ; but these were looked upon as 
 thoroughly and absolutely possessed by the devil, and the 
 pious bystanders only lamented that they had not lived a 
 little longer to have perished in the Barnes. 
 
 In the city of Ephesus, we are told that the plague was 
 expelled, by stoning a ragged old beggar to death, whom 
 ApoUonius pointed out as being the evil spirit that 
 caused it. and who actually showed himself to be a demon 
 by changing into a shagged dog. In like manner, and by 
 measures equally sagacious, a salutary check was given 
 to this growing evil. The vsdtches were all burDt, 
 banished, or panic-struck, and in a little while there was 
 not an ugly old woman to be found throughout New 
 England ; which is doubtless one reason why all the 
 young women there are so handsome. Those honest folk 
 who had suffered from their incantations gradually re- 
 covered, excepting such as had been afflicted with twitches 
 and aches, which, however, assumed the less alarming 
 aspects of rheumatism, sciatics, and lumbagos : and the 
 good people of New England, abandoning the study of 
 the occult sciences, turned their attention to the more 
 profitable hocus pocus of trade, and soon became expert 
 in the legerdemain art of turning a penny. Still, how- 
 ever, a tinge of the old leaven is discernible, even unto 
 this day, in their characters ; witches occasionally start 
 up among them in different disguises, as physicians, 
 civilians, and divines. The people at large show a keen- 
 ness, a cleverness, and a profundity of wisdom, that 
 savours strongly of witchcraft ; and it has been re- 
 marked, that whenever any stones fall from the moon, 
 the greater -psivt of them is sure to tumble into New 
 England. 
 
 CHAPTER IX. 
 When treating of these tempestuous times, the unknown 
 writer of the Stuyvesant manuscript breaks out into an 
 apostrophe in praise of the good St. Nicholas, to whose 
 
66 
 
 HISTORY OF NEW YOKK, 
 
 protecting care he ascribes the dissensions which broke 
 out in the council of the league, and the direful witch- 
 craft which filled all Yankee land as with Egyptian 
 darkness. 
 
 A portentous gloom, says he, hung lowering over the 
 fair valleys of the east ; the pleasant banks of the 
 Connecticut no longer echoed to the sounds of rustic 
 gaiety ; grisly phantoms glided about each wild brook 
 and silent glen ; fearful apparitions were seen in the 
 air ; strange voices were heard in solitary places ; and the 
 border-towns were so occupied in detecting and punishing 
 losel witches, that for a time all talk of war was sus- 
 pended, and New Amsterdam and its inhabitants seemed 
 to be totally forgotten. 
 
 I must not conceal the fact, that at one time there was 
 some danger of this plague of witchcraft extending into 
 the New Netherlands ; and certain witches, mounted on 
 broom-sticks, are said to have been seen whisking in the 
 air over some of the Dutch villages near the borders ; 
 but the worthy Nederlanders took the precaution to nail 
 horseshoes to their doors, which it is well known are 
 effectual barriers against all diabolical vermin of the 
 kind. Many of those horseshoes may be seen at this 
 very day on ancient mansions and barns, remaining from 
 the days of the patriarchs ; nay, the custom is still kept 
 up among some of our legitimate Dutch yeomanry, who 
 inherit from their forefathers a desire to keep witches 
 and Yankees out of the country. 
 
 And now the great Peter, having no immediate 
 hostility to apprehend from the east, turned his face, with 
 characteristic vigilance, to his southern frontiers. The 
 attentive reader will recollect that certain freebooting 
 Swedes had become very troublesome in this quarter in 
 the latter part of the reign of William the Testy, setting 
 at naught the proclamations of that veritable potentate, 
 and putting his admiral, the intrepid Jan Jansen Alpen- 
 dam, to a perfect nonplus. To check the incursions of 
 
HISTOEY OF NEW TORK. 
 
 67 
 
 ttese Swedes. Peter Stuyvesant now ordered a force to 
 that frontier, giving the conamand of it to General 
 Jacobus Van Poffenburgh, an officer who had risen to 
 great importance during the reign of Wilhelmus Kieft. 
 He had, if histories speak true, been second in command 
 to the doughty Van Curlet, when he and his warriors 
 were inhumanly kicked out of Fort G-oed Hoop by the 
 Yankees. In that memorable affair Van Poffenburgh 
 is said to have received more kicks, in a certain 
 honourable part, than any of his comrades ; in conse- 
 quence of which, on the resignation of Van Curlet, he 
 had been promoted to his place, being considered a hero 
 who had seen service, and suffered in his country's cause. 
 
 It is tropically observed by honest old Socrates, that 
 heaven infuses into some men at their birth a portion of 
 intellectual gold ; into others, of intellectual silver ; while 
 others are intellectually furnished with iron and brass. 
 Of the last class was General Van Poffenburgh, and it 
 would seem as if Dame Nature, who will sometimes be 
 partial, had given him brass enough for a dozen ordinary 
 braziers. All this he had contrived to pass off upon 
 William the Testy for genuine gold ; and the little 
 governor would sit for hours and listen to his gun- 
 powder stories of exploits, which left those of Tirante the 
 White, Don Belianis of Greece, or St. George and the 
 Dragon, quite in the background. Having been promoted 
 by William Kieft to the command of his whole disposable 
 forces, he gave importance to his station by the grarfdilo- 
 ,quenoe of his bulletins, always styling himself Com- 
 mander-in-chief of the Armies of the New Netherlands ; 
 though in sober truth these Armies were nothing mora 
 than a handful of hen-stealing, bottle-bruising raga- 
 muffins. 
 
 In person he was not very tall, but exceedingly round ; 
 neither did his bulk proceed from his being fat, hwt 
 windy ; being blown up by a prodigious conviction of his 
 own importance, until ]be resembler' -^uo of those bags of 
 
68 
 
 HISTORY OF NEW TORK. 
 
 wind given by ^olu3, in an incredible fit of generosity 
 to that vagabond warrior, Ulysses. His windy endow- 
 ments had long excited the admiration of Antony Van 
 Corlear, who is said to have hinted more than once to 
 William the Testy, that in making Van Poffenburgh a 
 general, he had spoiled an admirable trumpeter. 
 
 As it is the practice in ancient story to give the reader a 
 description of the arms and equipments of every noted 
 warrior, I will bestow a word upon the dress of this re- 
 doubtable commander. It comported with his character, 
 being so crossed and slashed, and embroidered with lace 
 and tinsel, that he seemed to have as much brass without 
 as nature had stored away within. He was swathed too 
 in a crimson sash, of the size and texture of a fishing-net ; 
 doubtless to keep his swelling heart from bursting 
 through his ribs. His face glowed with furnace heat 
 from between a huge pair of well-powdered whiskers ; 
 and his valorous soul seemed ready to bounce out of a pair 
 of large, glassy, blinking eyes, projecting like those of a 
 lobster. 
 
 I swear to thee, worthy reader, if history and tradition 
 belie not this warrior, I would give all the money in my 
 pocket to have seen him accoutred cap-a-pie — booted to 
 the middle — sashed to the chin — collared to the ears — 
 whiskered to the teeth — crowned with an overshadowing 
 cocked hat, and girded with a leathern belt ten inches 
 broad, from which trailed a falchion, of a length that I 
 dare 'not mention. Thus equipped, he strutted about, as 
 bitter-looking a man of war as the far-famed More, of 
 More Hall, when he sallied forth to slay the Dragon of 
 Wantley. For what says the ballad X 
 
 " Had you but seen him in this dress, 
 How tierce lie looked and how big. 
 You would have thought him for to be 
 
 Some Egyptian porcupig. 
 He frighted all — eats, dogs, and all. 
 Each cow. each horse, and each hog ; 
 
HISTORY OF NEVr YORK. 
 
 69 
 
 For fear they did flee, for they took him to be 
 Some strange outlandish hedgehog." ♦ 
 
 I must confess this general, with, all his outward 
 valour and ventosity, was not exactly an officer to Peter 
 Stuyvesant's taste, but he stood foremost in the army list 
 of William the Testy, and it is probable the good Peter, 
 who was conscientious in his dealings with all men, and 
 had his military notions of precedence, thought it but 
 fair to give him a chance of proving his right to his 
 dignities. 
 
 To this copper captain, therefore, was confided the com- 
 mand of the troops destined to protect the southern 
 frontier ; and scarce had he departed from his station 
 than bulletins began to arrive from him, describing his 
 undaunted march through savage deserts, over insur- 
 mountable mountains, across impassable rivers, and 
 through impenetrable forests, conquering vast tracts of 
 uninhabited country, and encountering more perils than 
 did Xenophon in his far-famed retreat with his ten 
 thousand Grecians. 
 
 Peter Stuyvesant read all these grandiloquent dispatches 
 with a dubious screwing of the motith and shaking of 
 the head ; but Antony Van Corlear repeated these con- 
 tents in the streets and market-places with an appropriate 
 flourish upon his trumpet, and the windy victories of the 
 general resounded through the streets of New Amsterdam. 
 
 On arriving at the southern frontier, Van Poffenburgh 
 proceeded to erei^t a fortress, or strong-hold, on the South 
 or Delaware river. At first he bethought him to call it Fort 
 Stuyvesant, in honour of the governor, a lowly kind of 
 homage prevalent in our coimtry among speculators, 
 military commanders, and office-seekers of all kinds, by 
 which our maps come to be studded with the names of 
 political patrons and temporary great men ; in the present 
 instance. Van Poifenburgh carried his homage to the 
 most lowly degree, giving his fortress the name of Fori 
 • Ballad of Dragoi ef Wantley. 
 
70 
 
 HISTORY OF NEW TORS!. 
 
 Casimir, in honour, it is said, of a favourite pair of brim* 
 stone trunk-breeclies of his excellency. 
 
 As this fort will be found to give rise to important 
 events, it may be worth while to notice that it was after- 
 wards called Nieuw-Amstel, and was the germ of the 
 present flourishing town of Newcastle, or, more properly 
 speaking, No Oastle, there being nothing of the kind on 
 the premises. 
 
 His fortress being finished, it would have done any 
 man's heart good to behold the swelling dignity with 
 which the general would stride in and out a dozen times 
 a day, surveying it in front and in rear, on this side and 
 on that ; how he would strut backwards and forwards, in 
 full regimentals, on the top of the ramparts, like a vain- 
 glorious cock-pigeon, swelling and vapouring on the top 
 of a dovecote. 
 
 There is a kind of valorous spleen which, like wind, is 
 apt to grow unruly in the stomachs of newly-made 
 soldiers, compelling them to box-lobby brawls and broken- 
 headed quarrels, unless there can be found some more 
 harmless way to give it vent. It is recorded, in the delec- 
 table romance of Pierce Forest, that a young knight, 
 being dubbed by King Alexander, did incontinently gallop 
 into an adjacent forest, and belabour the trees with such 
 might and main, that he not merely eased oH the sudden 
 effervescence of his valour, but convinced the whole court 
 that he was the most potent and courageous cavalier on 
 the face of the earth. In like manner the commander of 
 Fort Casimir, when he found his martial spirit waxing 
 too hot within him, would sally forth into the fields and 
 lay about him most lustily with his sabre ; decapitating 
 cabbages by platoons ; hewing down lofty sunflowers, 
 which he termed gigantic Swedes ; and if, perchance, he 
 espied a colony of big-bellied pumpkins quietly basking 
 in the sun, " Ah ! caitiff Yankees ! " would he roar, " have 
 I caught ye at last 1 " So saying, with one sweep of hia 
 sword, he would cleave the unhappy vegetables from 
 
HISTORY OF NEW YORK. 
 
 71 
 
 their chins to their waist-bands ; by which warlike havoc, 
 his choler being in some sort allayed, he would return 
 into the fortress with the full conviction that he was a 
 very miracle of military prowess. 
 
 He was a disciplinarian, too, of the first order. Woe to 
 knj unlucky soldier who did not hold up his head and 
 turn out his toes when on parade ; or who did not salute 
 the general in proper style as he passed. Having one 
 day, in his Bible researches, encountered the history of 
 Absalom and his melancholy end, the general bethought 
 him that, in a country abounding with forests, his soldiers 
 were in constant risk of a like catastrophe ; he therefore, 
 in an evil hour, issued orders for cropping the hair of both 
 officers and men throughout the garrison. 
 
 Now so it happened, that among his officers was a sturdy 
 veteran named Keldermeester, who had cherished, 
 through a long life, a mop of hair not a little resembling 
 the shag of a Newfoundland dog, terminating in a queue 
 like the handle of a frying-pan, and queued so tightly to 
 his head that his eyes and mouth generally stood ajar, and 
 his eyebrows were drawn up to the top of his forehead. 
 It may naturally be supposed that the possessor of so 
 goodly an appendage would resist with abhorrence an 
 order condemning it to the shears. On hearing the 
 general orders, he discharged a tempest of veteran, soldter- 
 like oaths, and dunder and blixums— swore he would 
 break any man's head who attempted to meddle with his 
 tail— queued it stifEer than ever, and whisked it about the 
 garrison as fiercely as the tail of a crocodile. 
 
 The eelskin queue of old Keldermeester became in- 
 stantly an affair of the utmost importance. The com- 
 mander-in-chief was too enlightened an officer not to per- 
 ceive that the discipline of the garrison, the subordination 
 and good order of the armies of the Nieuw-Nederlands, 
 the consequent safety of the whole province, and ulti^ 
 mately the dignity and prosperity of their High Mighti- 
 nesses the Lords States General, imperiously demanded the 
 
72 
 
 HISTORY OP NEW TOKK. 
 
 docking of tliat stubborn queue. He decreed, therefore, 
 that old Keldermeester should be publicly shorn of his 
 glories in presence of the whole garrison — the old man as 
 resolutely stood on the defensive — whereupon he was 
 arrested and tried by a court-martial for mutiny, desertion, 
 and all the other list of offences noticed in the articles of 
 war, ending with a " videlicet, in wearing an eelskin 
 queue, three feet long, contrary to orders." Then came 
 on arraignments, and trials, and pleadings ; and the whole 
 garrison was in a ferment about this unfortunate queue. 
 As it is well known that the commander of a frontier 
 post has the power of acting pretty much after his own 
 will, there is little doubt but that the veteran would have 
 been hanged or shot at least, had he not luckily fallen ill 
 of a fever, through mere chagrin and mortification — and 
 deserted from all earthly command, with his beloved 
 locks unviolated. His obstinacy remained unshaken to 
 the very last moment, when he directed that he should be 
 carried to his grave with his eelskin queue sticking out 
 of a hole in his coiEn. 
 
 This magnanimous affair obtained the general great 
 credit as a disciplinarian ; but it is hinted that he was 
 ever afterwards subject to bad dreams and fearful visita- 
 tions in the night, when the grizzly spectrum of old 
 Keldermeester would stand sentinel by his bedside, erect 
 as a pump, his enormous queue strutting out like the 
 handle. 
 
 Book 
 
 CONTAINING THE SECOND PAET OF THE REIGN OP PETEB 
 THE HEADSTEONG, AND HIS GALLANT ACHIEVE- 
 MENTS ON THE DELAWARE, 
 
 CHAPTER I. 
 Hitherto, most venerable and courteous reader, have I 
 shown thee the administration of the valorous Stuyve* 
 Bant, under the mild moonshine of peace, or rather the 
 
HISTORY OF NEW TOKK. 
 
 73 
 
 grim tranquillity of awful expectation ; but now the war- 
 drum rumbles from afar, the brazen trumpet brays its 
 thrilling note, and the rude clash of hostile arms speaks 
 fearful prophecies of coming troubles. The gallant 
 warrior starts from soft repose — from golden visions and 
 voluptuous ease ; where, in the dulcet " piping time of 
 peace," he sought sweet solace after all his toils. No 
 more in Beauty's siren lap reclined, he weaves fair 
 garlands for his lady's brows ; no more entwines with 
 flowers his shining sword, nor through the livelong 
 lazy summer's day chants forth his love-sick soul in 
 madrigals. To manhood roused, he spurns the amorous 
 flute, dofEs from his brawny back the robe of peace, and 
 clothes his pampered limbs in panoply of steel. O'er his 
 dark brow, where late the myrtle waved, where wanton 
 roses breathed enervate love, he rears the beaming casque 
 and nodding plume ; grasps the bright shield, and shakes 
 the ponderous lance ; or mounts with eager pride his fiery 
 steed, and burns for deeds of glorious chivalry. 
 
 But soft, worthy reader 1 I would not have you imagine 
 that any preux chevalier, thus hideously begirt with iron, 
 existed in the city of New Amsterdam. This is but a lofty 
 and gigantic mode, in which we heroic writers always talk 
 of war, thereby to give it a noble and imposing aspect ; 
 equipping our warriors with bucklers, helms, and lances, 
 and such-like outlandish and obsolete weapons, the like 
 of which perchance they had never seen or heard of ; in 
 the same manner that a cunning statuary arrays a modern 
 general or an admiral in the accoutrements of a Ciesar or 
 an Alexander. The simple truth, then, of all this oratori- 
 cal flourish is this : that the valiant Peter Stuyvesant all 
 of a sudden found it necessary to scour his rusty blade, 
 which too long had rusted in its scabbard, and prepare 
 himself to undergo those hardy toils of war, in which his 
 mighty soul so much delighted. 
 
 Methinks I at this moment behold him in my imagiaa- 
 tdon ; or rather, I behold his goodly portrait, which still 
 
HISTOSY OP NB.W YOEK<, 
 
 hangs up in the family mansion of the Stnyvesants, 
 arrayed in all the terrors of a true Dutch general. His 
 regim.entai coat of German blue, gorgeously decorated 
 with a goodly show of large brass buttons, reaching 
 from his waistband to his chin ; the voluminous skirts 
 turned up at the comers, and separating gallantly 
 behind, so as to display the seat of a sumptuous pair of 
 brimstone-coloured trunk-breeches, a graceful style still 
 prevalent among the warriors of our day, and which is in 
 conformity to the custom of ancient heroes, who scorned 
 to defend themselves in rear. His face, rendered exceed- 
 ing terrible and warlike by a pair of black mustachios ; 
 his hair strutting out on each side in stiffly pomatumed 
 ear-locks, and descending in a rat-tail queue below his 
 waist ; a shining stock of black leather supporting his 
 chin, and a little but fierce cocked hat, stuck with a 
 gallant and fiery air over his left eye. Such was the 
 chivalric port of Peter the Headstrong ; and when he 
 made a sudden halt, planted himself firmly on his solid 
 supporter, with his wooden leg inlaid with silver a little 
 in advance, in order to strengthen his position, his right 
 hand grasping a gold-headed cane, his left resting upon 
 the pummel of his sword, his head dressing spiritedly to 
 the right, with a most appalling and hard-favoured frown 
 upon his brow, he presented altogether one of the most 
 commanding, bitter-looking, and soldier-like figures that 
 ever strutted upon canvas. Proceed we now to inquire 
 the cause of this warlike preparation. 
 
 In the preceding chapter we have spoken of the found- 
 ing of Fort Casimir, and of the merciless warfare waged 
 by its commander upon cabbages, sunflowers, and pump- 
 kins, for want of better occasion to flesh his sword. 
 Now it came to pass that higher up the Delaware, at his 
 stronghold of Tinnekonk, resided one Jan Printz, who 
 styled himself Governor of New Sweden. If history 
 belie not this redoubtable Swede, he was a rival worthy 
 of the windy and inflated commander of Fort Casimir ; 
 
HISTORY OF ^'EW YOEK. 
 
 75 
 
 for Master David Pieterzen de Vrie, in his excellent book 
 of voyages, describes him as " weigliing upwards of four 
 hundred pounds," a huge feeder, and bouser in propor- 
 tion, taking three potations, pottle-deep, at every meal. 
 He had a garrison after his own heart at Tinnekonk, 
 guzzling, deep-drinking swashbucklers, who made the 
 wild woods ring with their carousals. 
 
 No sooner did this robustious commander hear of the 
 erection of Fort Casimir, than he sent a message to Van 
 Poffenburgh. warnip-g him off the land, as being within 
 the bounds of his jurisdiction. 
 
 To this General Van Poffenburgh replied that the land 
 belonged to their High Mightinesses, having been regu- 
 larly purchased of the natives as discoverers from the 
 Manhattoes, as witness the breeches of their land 
 measurer, Ten Broeck. 
 
 To this the governor rejoined that the land had pre- 
 viously been sold by the Indians to the Swedes, and con- 
 sequently was under the petticoat government of her 
 Swedish majesty, Christina ; and woe be to any mortal 
 that wore a breeches who should dare to meddle even 
 with the hem of her sacred garment. 
 
 I forbear to dilate upon the war of words which was 
 kept up for some time by these windy commanders ; Van 
 Poffenburgh, however, had served under William the 
 Testy, and was a y^teran in this kind of warfare. 
 Governor Printz, finding he war not to be dislodged by 
 these long shots, now determined upon coming to closer 
 quarters. Accordingly he descended the river in great 
 force and fume, and erected a rival fortress just one 
 Swedish mile below Fort Casimir, to which he gave the 
 name of Helsenburg. 
 
 And now commenced a tremendous rivalry between 
 these two doughty commanders, striving to outstrut and 
 outswell each other, like a couple of belligerent turkey- 
 cooks. There was a contest who should run up the 
 tallest flagstaff and display the broadest flag ; all day 
 
/6 
 
 HISTOKY OF NEW YOEK. 
 
 long there was a furious rolling of drums and twanging 
 of trumpets in either fortress, and, wliiohever had the 
 wind in its favour, would keep up a continual firing 
 of cannon, to taunt its antagonist with the smell of gun- 
 powder. 
 
 On all these points of windy warfare the antagonists 
 were well matched ; but so it happened that the Swedish 
 fortress being lower down the river, all the Dutch vessels, 
 bound to Fort Casimir with supplies, had to pass it 
 Governor Printz at once took advantage of this circum- 
 stance, and compelled them to lower their flags as they 
 passed under the guns of his battery. 
 
 This was a deadly wound to the Dutch pride of General 
 Van Poffenburgh, and sorely would he swell when fram 
 the ramparts of Fort Casimir he beheld the flag of their 
 High Mightinesses struck to the rival fortress. To 
 heighten his vexation, Governor Printz, who, as has 
 been shown, was a huge trencherman, took the liberty 
 of having the first rummage of every Dutch merchant- 
 ship, and secuxing to himself and his guzzling garrison 
 all the little round Dutch cheeses, all the Dutch herrings, 
 the gingerbread, the sweetmeats, the curious stone jugs 
 of gin, and all the other Dutch luxuries, on their way 
 for the solace of Fort Casimir, It is possible he may 
 have paid to the Dutch skippers the full value of their 
 commodities, but what consolation was this to Jacobus 
 Van Poflcenburgh and his garrison, who thus found their 
 f jvourit'e supplies cut off, and diverted into the larders 
 of the hostile camp? For some time this war of the 
 cupboard was carried on to the great festivity and 
 jollification of the Swedes, while the warriors of Fort 
 Casimir found their hearts, or rather their stomachs, 
 daily failing them. At length the summer heats and 
 summer showers set in, and now, lo and behold ! a 
 great mii-acle was wrought for the relief of the Neder- 
 lands, not a little resembling one of the plagues of 
 Egypt ; for it came to pass that a great cloxid of 
 
KISTOET OF NEW YORK. 
 
 77 
 
 mosqnitos arose ov.t of the marshy borders of the riyer, 
 and settled upon the fortress of Helsenburg, being donbt- 
 lesa attracted by the scent of the fresh blood of the 
 Swedish gormandisers. Nay, it is said that the body of 
 Jan Printz alono, which was as big and as full of blood 
 as that of a prize ox, was sufficient to attract the 
 mosqnitos from every part of the country. For som« 
 time the garrison endeavoured to hold out, but it was all 
 in vain ; the mosqnitos penetrated into every chinlc 
 and crevice, and gave them no rest day nor night ; and 
 as to Governor Jan Printz, he moved about as in a cloud, 
 with mosquito music in his ears, and mosquito stingis 
 to the very end of his nose. Finally, the garrison wais 
 fairly driven out of the fortress, and obliged to retreat to 
 Tinnekonk ; nay, it is said that the mosquitoa followed 
 Jan Printz even thither, and absolutely drove him out 
 of the country ; certain it is, he embarked for Sweden 
 shortly afterwards, and Jan Claudius Risingh was sent 
 to govern New Sweden in his stead. 
 
 Such was the famous mosquito war on the Delaware, 
 of which General Van Poffenburgh would fain have been 
 the hero ; but the devout people of the Nieuw-Neder^ 
 lands always ascribed the discomfiture of the Swede i 
 to the miraculous intervention of St. Nicholas. As to 
 the fortress of Helsenbiirg, it fell to ruin, but the storj 
 of its strange destruction was perpetuated by the Swe^ 
 dish name of Myggen-borg, that is to say, Mosquit<i 
 Castle.* 
 
 CHAPTER II. 
 Jan CLAtTDirrs Risingh, who succeeded to the commanf i 
 of New Sweden, looms largely in ancient records as ?. 
 gigantic Swede, who, had he not been rather kiaock • 
 kneed and splay-footed, might have served for the mode^ 
 
 • Acrelius' History N. Sweden. For some notices of this miracu- 
 lous diseoinllture of the Swedes, see N.-Y. Hist. Col., new series, 
 voL L, p. 412. 
 
78 
 
 HISTOKY OF NEW YORK. 
 
 of a Samson or a Hercules. He was no less rapacious 
 than miglity, and withal, as crafty as he was rapacious, 
 90 that there is very little doubt that, had he lived some 
 four or five centuries since, he would have figured as one 
 6f those wicked giants, who took a cruel pleasure in 
 pocketing beautiful princesses and distressed damsels, 
 when gadding about the world, and locking them up in 
 enchanted castles, without a toilet, a change of linen, 
 or any other convenience. In consequence of which 
 enormities they fell under the high displeasure of 
 chivalry, and all true, loyal, and gallant knights were 
 instructed to attack and slay outright any miscreant they 
 might happen to find above six feet high ; which is 
 doubtless one reason why the race of large men is nearly 
 extinct, and the generations of latter ages are so ex- 
 ceedingly small. 
 
 G-overnor Risingh, notwithstanding his giantly con- 
 dition, was, as I have hinted, a man of craft. He was 
 not a man to ruffle the vanity of General Van Poffen- 
 burgh, or to rub his self-conceit against the grain. On 
 the contrary, as he sailed up the Delaware, he paused 
 before Fort Casimir, displayed his flag, and fired a royal 
 salute before dropping anchor. The salute would doubt- 
 less have been returned, had not the guns been dis- 
 mounted ; as it was, a veteran sentinel who had been 
 napping at his post, and had suffered his match to go 
 out, returned the compliment by discharging his musket 
 with the spark of a pipe borrowed from a comrade. 
 Governor Risingh accepted this as a courteous reply, and 
 treated the fortress to a second salute, well knowing its 
 commander was apt to be marvellously delighted with 
 these little ceremonials, considering them so many acts 
 of homage paid to his greatness. He then prepared to 
 land with a military retinue of thirty men, a prodigiouf 
 pageant in the wilderness. 
 
 And now took place a terrible rummage and racket in 
 Fort Casimir, to receive such a visitor in proper stylet 
 
HISTOBY OF NEW YORK. 
 
 79 
 
 and to make an imp(^sing appearance. The main guard 
 was turned out as soon as possible, equipped to the best 
 advantage in the few suits of regimentals, which had to 
 do duty, by turns, with the whole garrison. One tall, 
 lank fellow appeared in a little man's coat, with the 
 buttons between his shoulders ; the skirts scarce covering 
 his bottom ; his hands hanging like spades out of the 
 sleeves ; and the coat linked in front by worsted loops 
 made out of a pair of red garters. Another had a cocked 
 hat stuck on the back of his head, and decorated with a 
 bunch of cocks' tails ; a third had a pair of rusty 
 gaiters hanging about his heels ; while a fourth, a little 
 d»ck-legged fellow, was equipped in a pair of the general's 
 cast-off breeches, which he held up with one hand while 
 he grasped his firelock with the other. The rest were 
 accoutred in similar style, excepting three ragamufRns 
 without shirts, and with but a pair and a half of breeches 
 between them ; wherefore they were sent to the black 
 hole, to keep them out of sight, that they might not dis- 
 grace the fortress. 
 
 His men being thus gallantly arrayed — those who 
 lacked muskets shouldering spades and pickaxes, and 
 every man being ordered to tuck in his shirt-tail and 
 pull up his brogues — General Van Poffenburgh first took 
 a sturdy draught of foaming ale, which, like the magna- 
 nimous More, of More Hall,* was his invariable practice on 
 all great occasions ; this done, he put himself at their 
 head, and issued forth from his castle like a mighty giant 
 just refreshed with wine. But when the two heroes met, 
 then began a scene of ' warlike parade that beggars all 
 description. The shrewd Risingh, who had grown grey 
 much before his time, in consequence of his craftiness, 
 saw at one glance the ruling passion of the great Van 
 
 * "As soon as he rose, 
 
 To make him strong and mighty, 
 He drank by the tale, six pots of ale, 
 
 And a quart of aqua vitse." 
 
 Dragon of IVcntley, 
 
80 
 
 HISTORY OF NEW YOEK. 
 
 Poff enburgh, and humoured him in all his valorous fan • 
 tasies. 
 
 Their detachments were accordingly drawn up in front 
 of each other, they carried arms and they presented arms, 
 they gave the standing salute and the passing salute, they 
 rolled their drums, they flourished their fifes, and they 
 waved their colours ; they faced to the left, and they 
 faced to the right, and they faced to the right about ; 
 they wheeled forward, and they wheeled backward, and 
 they wheeled into echelon ; they marched and they 
 countermarched, by grand divisions, by single divisions, 
 and by subdivisions ; by platoons, by sections, and by 
 files ; in quick time, in slow time, and in no time at all ; 
 for, having gone through all the evolutions of two great 
 armies, including the eighteen manoeuvres of Dundas ; 
 having exhausted all that they could recollect or imagine 
 of military tactics, including sundry strange and ir- 
 regular evolutions, the like of which were never seen 
 before or since, excepting among certain of our newly- 
 raised militia, the two commanders and their respective 
 troops came at length to a dead halt, completely ex- 
 hausted by the toils of war. Never did two valiant train- 
 band captains, or two buskined theatric heroes, in the 
 renowned tragedies of Pizarro, Tom Thumb, or any other 
 heroical and fighting tragedy, marshal their gallows- 
 looking, duck-legged, heavy-heeled myrmidons with more 
 glory and self -admiration. 
 
 These military compliments being finished, G-eneral Van 
 Poffenburgh escorted his illustrious visitor, with great 
 r'eremony, into the fort, attended him throughout the 
 rbrtificatians, showed him the horn- works, crown-works, 
 half -moons, and various other outworks, or rather the 
 places where they ought to be erected, and where they 
 might be erected if be pleased ; plainly demonstrating 
 that it was a place of " great capability," and though at 
 present but a little redoubt, yet that it was evidently a for- 
 midable fortress in embryo. This survey over, he next 
 
HISTORY OB" NEW YORK 
 
 31 
 
 had the whole garrison put under arms, exercised, and 
 reviewed, and concluded by ordering the threfe Bridewell 
 birds to be hauled out of the black hole, brought up to 
 the halberds, and soundly flogged for the amusement of 
 his visitor, and to convince him that he was a great dis- 
 ciplinarian. 
 
 The cunning Risingh, while he pretended to be struct 
 dumb outright with the puissance of the great Var. 
 Poffenburgh, took silent note of the incompetency of hisi 
 garrison, of which he gave a wink to his trusty followers 
 who tipped each other the wink, and laughed most ob 
 etreperously in their sleeves. 
 
 The inspection, review, and flogging being concluded, 
 the party adjourned to the table ; for, among his othec 
 great qualities, the general was remarkably addicted to 
 huge carousals, and in one afternoon's campaign would 
 leave more dead men on the field than he ever did in the 
 whole course of his military career. Many bulletins of 
 these bloodless victories do still remain on record, and th<! 
 whole province was once thrown in amaze by the returEi 
 of one of his campaigns, wherein it was stated, tha". 
 thoiagh, like Captain Bobadil, he had only twenty men t(^ 
 back him, yet in the short space of six months he hac 
 conquered and utterly annihilated sixty oxen, ninety hogs 
 one hundred sheep, ten thousand cabbages, one thousand 
 bushels of potatoes, one hundred and fifty kilderkins oj' 
 small beer, two thousand seven hundred and thirty-fivf 
 pipes, seventy-eight pounds of sugar-plums, and fortj 
 bars of iron, besides sundry small meats, game, poultry 
 and garden stuff : an achievement unparalleled since the* 
 days of Pantagruel and his all -devouring army, and 
 which showed that it was only necessai-y to let Van 
 Poffenburgh and his garrison loose in an enemy's country, 
 and in a little while they would breed a famine, and 
 starve all the inhabitants. 
 
 No sooner, therefore, had the general received intima.. 
 tion of the visit of Governor Risingh, tian he ordered «■ 
 
82 
 
 HISTORY OF KEW YORK. 
 
 great dinner to be prepared, and privately sent out a de- 
 tachment of his most experienced veterans to rob all the 
 hen-roosts in the neighbourhood, and lay the pigstyes 
 under contribution : a service which they discharged with 
 such zeal and promptitude, that the garrison table 
 groaned under the weight of their spoils. 
 
 I wish, with all my heart, my readers could see the 
 valiant Van Poffenburgh, as he presided at the head of 
 the banquet ; it was a sight worth beholding : there he 
 sat in his greatest glory, surrounded by his soldiers, like 
 that famous wine-bibber, Alexander, whose thirsty 
 virtues he did most ably imitate, telling astounding 
 stories of his hair-breadth adventures and heroic exploits ; 
 a.t which, though all his auditors knew them to be incon- 
 tinent lies and outrageous gasconades, yet did they cast 
 up their eyes in admiration, and utter many interjections 
 of astonishment. Nor could the general pronounce any- 
 thing that bore the remotest resemblance to a joke, but 
 the stout Risingh would strike his brawny fist upon the 
 table till every glass rattled again, throw himself back in 
 the chair, utter gigantic peals of laughter, and swear 
 most horribly it was the best joke he ever heard in his 
 life. Thus all was rout and revelry and hideous carousal 
 within Fort Casimir, and so lustily did Van Poffenburgh 
 ply the bottle, that in less than four short hours he made 
 himself and his whole garrison, who all sedulously emu- 
 lated the deeds of their chieftain, dead drunk, with singing 
 eongs, quaffing bumpers, and drinking patriotic toasts, 
 none of whxch but was as long as a Welsh pedigree or a 
 plea in Chancery. 
 
 No sooner did things come to this pass, than Risingh 
 and his Swedes, who had cunningly kept themselves 
 sober, rose on their entertainers, tied them neck and heels, 
 and took formal possession of the fort and all its depen- 
 dencies, in the name of Queen Christina of Sweden, ad- 
 ministering at the same time an oath of allegiance to all 
 the Dutch soldiers who could be made sober enough to 
 
HISTORY OF NEW YORK. 
 
 83 
 
 «wallow it. Eisingh. then put the fortifications in order, 
 appointed his discreet and vigilant friend Suen Schiite, 
 otherwise called Skytte, a tall, wind-dried, water-drinking 
 Swede, to the command, and departed, bearing with him 
 this truly amiable garrison and its puissant commander, 
 ■who, when brought to himself by a sound drubbing, bore 
 no little resemblance to a " deboshed fish," or bloated sea- 
 monster, caught upon dry land. 
 
 The transportation of the garrison was done to prevent 
 the transmission of intelligence to New Amsterdam ; for 
 much as the cunning Eisingh exulted in his stratagem, 
 yet did he dread the vengeance of the sturdy Peter Stuy- 
 vesant, whose name spread as much terror in the neigh- 
 bourhood as did whilom that of the unconquerable 
 Scanderbeg among his scurvy enemies the Turks. 
 
 CHAPTER III. 
 Whoever first described common fame, or rumour, as 
 belonging to the sager sex, was a very owl for shrewdness. 
 She has in truth certain feminine qualities to an astonish- 
 ing degree, particularly that benevolent anxiety to take 
 care of the affairs of others, which keeps her continually 
 hunting after secrets and gadding about proclaiming 
 them. Whatever is done openly and in the face of the 
 world, she takes but transient notice of ; but whenever a 
 transaction is done in a corner, and attempted to be 
 shrouded in mystery, then her goddess-ship is at her wits' 
 end to find it out, and takes a most mischievous and 
 lady-like pleasure in publishing it to the world. 
 
 It is this truly feminine propensity which induces her 
 continually to be prying into the cabinets of princes, 
 listening at the key-holes of senate chambers, and peering 
 through chinks and crannies, when our worthy congress 
 are sitting with closed doors, deliberating between a 
 dozen excellent modes of ruining the nation. It is this 
 which makes her so baneful to all wary statesmen and 
 
84 HISTORY OF NEW TOEK. 
 
 intriguing commanders — such a stumbling'-block to 
 private negotiations and secret expeditions ; betraying 
 them by means and instruments wbicb never would liave 
 been thought of by any but a female head. 
 
 Thus it was in the case of the affair of Fort Casimir. 
 No doubt the cunning Eisingh imagined, that, by secur- 
 ing the garrison he should for a long time prevent the 
 history of its fate from reaching the ears of the gallant 
 Stuyvesant ; but his exploit was blown to the world 
 when he least expected, and by one of the last beings he 
 would ever have suspected of enlisting as trumpeter to 
 the wide-mouthed deity. 
 
 This was one Dirk Schuiler (or Skulker), a kind of 
 hanger-on to the garrison, who seemed to belong to 
 nobody, and in a manner to be self -outlawed. He was 
 one of those vagabond cosmopolites who shark about the 
 world, as if they had no right or business in it, and who 
 infest the skirts of society like poachers and interlopers. 
 Every garrison and country village has one or more 
 scapegoats of this kind, whose life is a kind of enigma, 
 whose existence is without motive, who comes from the 
 Lord knows where, who lives the Lord knows how, and 
 who seems created for no other earthly purpose but to 
 keep up the ancient and honourable order of idleness. 
 This vagrant philosopher was supposed to have some 
 Indian blood in his veins, which was manifested by a cer- 
 tain Indian complexion and cast of countenance, but more 
 especially by his propensities and habits. He was a tall, 
 lank fellow, swift of foot, and long-winded. He was 
 generally equipped in a half Indian dress, with belt, leg- 
 gings, and moccasins. His hair hung in straight gallows 
 locks about his ears, and added not a little to his shark- 
 ing demeanour. It is an old remark, that persons of 
 Indian mixture, are half civilised, half savage, and half 
 devil — a third half being provided for their particular con- 
 venience. It is for similar reasons, and probably with 
 equal truth, that the backwoodsmen of Kentucky ar» 
 
HISTOBY OP NSW YORK. 
 
 85 
 
 styled half man, half horse, and half alligator by the 
 settlers on the Mississippi, and held accordingly in great 
 respect and abhorrence. 
 
 The above character may have presented itself to the 
 garrison as applicable to Dirk Schuiler, whom they 
 familiarly dubbed Gallows Dirk. Certain it is, he 
 acknowledged allegiance to no one — was an utter enemy 
 to work, holding it in no manner of estimation — but 
 lounging about the fort, depending upon chance for a 
 subsistence, getting drunk whenever he could get liquor, 
 and stealing whatever he could lay his hands on. Every 
 day or two he was sure to get a sound rib-roasting for 
 some of his misdemeanours ; which, however, as it broke 
 no bones, he made very light of, and scrupled not to 
 repeat the oif ence whenever another opportunity presented. 
 Sometimes, in consequence of some flagrant villany, he 
 would abscond from the garrison, and be absent for a 
 month at a time ; skulking about the woods and swamps, 
 with a long fowling-piece on his shoulder, lying in 
 ambush for game, or squatting himself down on the edge 
 of a pond catching fish for hours together, and bearing 
 no little resemblance to that notable bird of the crane 
 family, yclept the mudpoke. When he thought his 
 crimes had been forgotten or forgiven, he would, sneak 
 back to the fort with a bundle of skins or a load of 
 poultry, which, perchance, he had stolen, and would ex- 
 change them for liquor, with which having well soaked 
 his carcase, he would lie in the sun, and enjoy all the 
 luxurious indolence of that swinish philosopher Diogenes. 
 He was the terror of all the farmyards in the country, 
 into which he made fearful inroads ; and sometimes 
 he would make his sudden appearance in the garrison at 
 daybreak, with the whole neighbourhood at his heels ; 
 like the scoundrel thief of a fox, detected in his maraud- 
 ings and hunted to his hole. Such was this Dirk 
 Schuiler ; and from the total indifrerence he showed to 
 the world and its concerns, and from hi? truly Indian 
 
86 
 
 HISTOKY OF NEW YOEK. 
 
 stoicism and taciturnity, no one would ever have dreamt 
 that he would have been the publisher of the treachery of 
 Risingh. 
 
 When the carousal was going on, which proved so 
 fatal to the brave Poffenburgh and his watchful garrison, 
 Dirk skulked about from room to room, being a kind of 
 privileged vagrant, or useless hound, whom nobody 
 noticed. But though a fellow of few words, yet, like 
 your taciturn people, his eyes and ears were always open, 
 and in the course of his prowlings he overheard the whole 
 plot of the Swedes. Dirk immediately settled in his own 
 mind how hs should turn the matter to his own advan- 
 tage. He played the, perfect jack-of-both-sides — that is 
 to say, he made a prize of everything that came in his 
 reach, robbed both parties, stuck the copper-bound cocked 
 hat of the puissant Van Poffenburgh on his head, 
 whipped a huge pair of Risingh's jack-boots under his 
 arms, and took to his heels, just before the catastrophe 
 and confusion at the garrison. 
 
 Finding himself completely dislodged from his haunt 
 in this quarter, he directed his flight towards his native 
 place. New Amsterdam, whence he had formerly been 
 obliged to abscond precipitately, in consequence of mis- 
 fortune in business — that is to say, having been detected 
 in the act of sheep-stealing. After wandering many days 
 in the woods, toiling through swamps, fording brooks, 
 swimming various rivers, and encountering a world of 
 hardships that would have killed any other being but an 
 Indian, a backwoodsman, or the devil, he at length 
 arrived, half famished, and lank as a starved weasel, at 
 Commttnipaw, where he stole a canoe, and paddled over 
 to New Amsterdam. Immediately on landing, he repaired 
 to Governor Stuyvesant, and m more words than he had 
 ever spoken before in the whole course of his life, gave 
 an account of the disastrous affair. 
 
 On receiving these direful tidings, the valiant Peter 
 started from his seat — dashed the pipe he was smoking; 
 
HISTORY OF NEW YORK, 
 
 8* 
 
 against the back of the chimney — thrust a prodig-ioTt? 
 quid of tobacco into his left cheek — pulled up his galli- 
 gaskins, and strode up and down the room, humming, as 
 was customary with him when in a passion, a hideous 
 north-west ditty. But, as I have before shown, he was 
 not a man to vent his spleen in idle vapouring. His first 
 measure, after the paroxysm of wrath had subsided, was 
 to stump upstairs to a huge wooden chest which served 
 as his armoury, from whence he drew forth that identical 
 suit of regimentals described in the preceding chapter. 
 In these portentous habiliments he arrayed himself, like 
 Achilles in the armour of Vulcan, maintaining all the 
 while an appalling silence, knitting his brows, an(? 
 drawing his breath through his clenched teeth. Being 
 hastily equipped, he strode down into the parlour, and 
 jerked down his trusty sword from over the fireplace, 
 where it was usually suspended ; but before he girded it 
 on his thigh, he drew it from its scabbard, and as his eye 
 coursed along the rusty blade, a grim smile stole over his 
 iron visage ; it was the first smile that had visited his 
 countenance for five long weeks ; but every one who be- 
 held it prophesied that there would soon be warm work 
 in the province ! 
 
 Thus armed at all points, with grisly war depicted in 
 each feature, his very cocked hat assuming an air of un- 
 common defiance, he instantly put himself upon the 
 alert, and despatched Antony Van Corlear hither and 
 thither, this way and that way, through all the muddy 
 streets and crooked lanes of the city, summoning by 
 sound of trumpet his trusty peers to assemble in instant 
 council. This done, by way of expediting matters, 
 according to the custom of people in a hurry, he kept in 
 continual bustle, shifting from chair to chair, popping 
 his head out of every window, and stumping up and 
 down stairs with his wooden leg in such brisk and in- 
 cessant motion, that, as we are informed by an authentic 
 historian of the times, the continual clatter bore no small 
 
 f 
 
88 
 
 HISTOEY OF NEW YOEK. 
 
 j-eseinblance to the music of a cooper li(X)ping a fionr- 
 barrel. 
 
 A sTimmons so peremptory, and from a man of the 
 governor's mettle, was not to be trifled with. : tlie sages 
 forthwith repaired to the council-chamber, seated them- 
 selves with the utmost tranquillity, and lighting their 
 long pipes, gazed with unruffled composure en his ex- 
 cellency and his regimentals ; being, as all counsellors 
 sh-ould be, not easily flustered, nor taken by surprise. 
 The governor, looking around for a moment with a lofty 
 and soldier-like air, and resting one hand on the pommel 
 of his sword, and flinging the other forth in a free and 
 spirited manner, addressed them in a short but soul- 
 stirring harangue. 
 
 I am extremely sorry that I have not the advantages of 
 Livy, Thucydides, Plutarch, and others of my predeces- 
 sors, who were furnished, as I am told, with the speeches 
 of all their heroes taken down in short-hand by the most 
 accurate stenographers of the time, whereby they were 
 enabled wonderfully to enrich their histories, and delight 
 their readers with sublime strains of eloquence. Not 
 having such important auxiliaries, I cannot possibly pro- 
 nounce what was the tenor of Governor Stuyvesant's 
 speech. I am bold, however, to say, from the tenor of 
 his character, that he did not wrap his rugged subject in 
 silks and ermines, and other sickly trickeries of phrase, 
 but spoke forth like a man of nerve and vigour, who 
 scorned to shrink in words from those dangers which he 
 stood ready to encounter in very deed. This much is 
 certain, that he concluded by announcing his determina- 
 tion to lead on his troops in person, and rout these cos- 
 tardmonger Swedes from their usurped quarters at Foi-t 
 Casimir. To this hardy resolution, such of his council as 
 were awake gave their usual signal of concurrence ; and 
 as to the rest, who had fallen asleep about the middle of 
 the harangue (their " usual custom iu the afternoon " ), 
 they made not the least objection. 
 
HISTORY OF NEW YORX. 
 
 89 
 
 And now was seen in the fair city of New Amsterdam 
 a prodigious bustle and preparation for iron war. Re- 
 cruiting parties marched hither and thither, calling lustily 
 upon all the scrubs, the runagates, and tatterdemalions 
 of the Manhattoes and its vicinity, who had any ambition 
 of sixpence a day, and immortal fame in bo the bargain, 
 to enlist in the cause of glory ; for I would have you note 
 that your warlike heroes who trudge in the rear of con- 
 querors are generally of that illustrious class of gentle- 
 men who are equal candidates for the army or the bride- 
 well, the halberds or the whipping post, for whom Dame 
 Fortune has cast an even die whether they shall make 
 their exit by the sword or the halter, and whose deaths 
 shall, at all events, be a lofty example to their country- 
 men. 
 
 But, notwithstanding all this martial rout and invita- 
 tion, the ranks of honour were but scantily supplied, so 
 averse were the peaceful burghers of New Amsterdam 
 from enlisting in foreign broils, or stirring beyond that 
 home which rounded all their earthly ideas. Upon be- 
 holding this, the great Peter, whose noble heart was all 
 on fire with war and sweet revenge, determined to wait 
 no longer for the tardy assistance of these oily, citizens, 
 but to muster up his merry men of the Hudson, who, 
 brought up among woods, and wilds, and savage beasts, 
 like our yeomen of Kentucky, delighted in nothing so 
 much as desperate adventures and perilous expeditions 
 through the wilderness. Thus resolving, he ordered his 
 trusty squire, Antony Van Corlear, to have his state 
 galley prepared and duly victualled ; which being per- 
 formed, he attended public service at the great church of 
 St. Nicholas, like a true and pious governor ; and then 
 leaving peremptory orders with his council to have the 
 chivalry of the Manhattoes marshalled out and appointed 
 against his return, departed upon his recruiting voyage 
 up the waters of the Hudson, 
 
90 
 
 HISTOSY OF NEW YOllK. 
 
 CHAPTER IV. 
 Now did tlie soft breezes of the south steal sweetly ove> 
 the face of nature, tempering the panting heats or 
 summer into genial and prolific waxmth, when that 
 miracle of hardihood and chivalric virtue, the dauntless 
 Peter Stuyvesant, spread his canvas to the wind, and de- 
 parted from the fair island of Manna-hata. Hhe galley 
 in which he embarked was sumptuously adorned with 
 pendants and streamers of gorgeous dyes, which fluttered 
 gaily in the wind, or drooped their ends into the bosom 
 of the stream. The bow and poop of this majestic vessel 
 were gallantly bedight, after the rarest Dutch fashion, 
 with figures of little pursy Cupids with periwigs on their 
 heads, and bearing in their hands garlands of flowers the 
 like of which are not to be found in any book of botany, 
 being the matchless flowers which flourished in the 
 golden age, and exist no longer, unless it be in the 
 imaginations of ingenious carvers of wood and dis- 
 colourers of canvas. 
 
 Thus rarely decorated, in style befitting the puissant 
 potentate of the Manhattoes, did the galley of Peter 
 Stuyvesant launch forth upon the bosom of the lordly 
 Hudson, which, as it rolled its broad waves to the ocean, 
 seemed to pause for a while and swell with pride, as if 
 conscious of the illustrious burden it sustained. 
 
 But trust me, gentlefolk, far other was the scene pre- 
 sented to the contemplation of the crew from that which 
 may be witnessed at this degenerate day. Wildness and 
 savage majesty reigned on the borders of this mighty 
 river ; the hand of cultivation had not as yet laid low 
 the dark forest and tamed the features of the landscape, 
 nor had the frequent sail of commerce broken in upon 
 the profound and awful solitude of ages. Here and there 
 might be seen a rude wigwam perched among the cliffs 
 of the mountains, with its curling column of smoke 
 mounting in the transparent atmosphere, but so lofti]y 
 
HISTOEY OF NEW YORK. 
 
 91 
 
 situated th^t the whoopings of tie savage children, 
 gambolling on the margin of the dizzy heights, fell al- 
 most as faintly on the ear as do the notes of the lark 
 when lost in the azure vault of heaven. Now and then, 
 from the beetling brow of some precipice, the wild deer 
 would look timidly down upon the splendid pageant as 
 it passed below, and then, tossing his antlers in the air, 
 would bound away into the thickets of the forest. 
 
 Through such scenes did the stately vessel of Peter 
 Stayvesant pass. Now did they skirt the bases of the 
 rocky heights of Jersey, which spring up like everlasting 
 walls, reaching from the waves unto the heavens, and 
 were fashioned, if tradition may be believed, in times 
 long past, by the mighty spirit of Manetho, to protect his 
 favourite abodes from the unhallowed eyes of mortals. 
 Now did they career it gaily across the vast expanse 
 of Tappan Bay, whose wide-extended shores present a 
 variety of delectable scenery ; here the bold promontory, 
 crowned with embowering trees, advancing into the bay ; 
 there the long woodland slope, sweeping up from the 
 shore in rich luxuriance, and terminating in the upland 
 precipice, while at a distance a long waving line of rocky 
 heights threw their gigantic shades across the water. 
 Now would they pass where some modest little interval, 
 opening among these stupendous scenes, yet retreating as 
 it were for protection into the embraces of the neigh- 
 bouring mountains, displayed a rural paradise, fraught 
 with sweet and pastoral beauties ; the velvet-tufted 
 lawn, the bushy copse, the tinkling rivulet, stealing 
 through the fresh and vivid verdure, on whose banks 
 was situated some little Indian village, or, peradventure, 
 the rude cabin of some solitary hunter. 
 
 The different periods of the revolving day seemed each, 
 with cunning magic, to diffuse a different charm over the 
 scene. Now would the jovial sun break gloriously from 
 the east, blazing from the summits of the hills, and 
 sparkling the landscape with a thousand dewy gems ; 
 
92 
 
 HISTORY OF NEW YOEK. 
 
 while along the borders of the river were seen heavy 
 masses of mist, which, like midnight caitiif s, disturbed 
 at his reproach, made a sluggish retreat, rolling in sullen 
 reluctance up the mountains. At such times all was 
 brightness, and life, and gaiety ; the atmosphere was of 
 an indescribable pureness and transparency, the birds 
 broke forth in wanton madrigals, and the freshening 
 breezes wafted the vessel merrily on her course. But when 
 the sun sunk amid a flood of glory in the west, mantling 
 the heavens and the earth with a thousand gorgeous dyes, 
 then all was calm, and silent, and magnificent. The 
 late swelling sail hung lifelessly against the mast ; the 
 seamen, with folded arms, leaned against the shrouds, 
 lost in that involuntary musing which the sober grandeur 
 of nature commands in the rudest of her children. The 
 vast bosom of the Hudson was like an unruffled mirror, 
 reflecting the golden splendour of the heavens ; excepting 
 that now and then a bark canoe would steal across its 
 surface, filled with painted savages, whose gay feathers 
 glared brightly, as perchance a lingering ray of the set- 
 ting sun gleamed upon them from the western moun- 
 tains. 
 
 But when the hour of twilight spread its majestic mists 
 around, then did the face of nature assume a thousand 
 fugitive charms, which to the worthy heart that seeks 
 enjoyment in the glorious works of its Maker are inex- 
 pressibly captivating. The mellow dubious light that pre- 
 vailed just served to tinge with illusive colours the softened 
 features of the scenery. The deceived but delighted eye 
 sought vainly to discern, in the broad masses of shade, 
 the separating line between the land and water, or to 
 distinguish the fading objects that seemed sinking into 
 chaos. Now did the busy fancy supply the feebleness 
 of vision, producing with industrious craft a fairy 
 creation of her own. Under her plastic wand the 
 barren rocks frowned upon the watery waste, in the sem- 
 blance of lofty towers, and high embattled oastles ; trees 
 
HISTORY OF NEW YORK. 
 
 93 
 
 assumed tlie direful forms of mighty giants, and tlie 
 inaccessible summits of the mountains seemed peopled 
 with a thousand shadowy beings. 
 
 Now broke forth from the shores the notes of an innu- 
 merable variety of insects, which filled the air with a 
 strange but not inharmonious concert ; while ever and 
 anon was heard the melancholy plaint of the whip-poor- 
 will, who, perched on some lone tree, wearied the ear of 
 night with his incessant meanings. The mind, soothed 
 into a hallowed melancholy, listened with, pensive still- 
 ness to catch and distinguish each sound that vaguely 
 echoed from the shore — now and then startled, per- 
 chance, by the whoop of some straggling savage, or by 
 the dreary howl of a wolf, stealing forth upon his nightly 
 prowlings. 
 
 Thus happily did they pursue their course, until they 
 entered upon those awful defiles denominated the High- 
 lands, where it would seem that the gigantic Titans 
 had erst waged their impious war with heaven, piling 
 up cliffs on cliffs, and hurling vast masses of rock in 
 wild confusion. But in sooth very different is the history 
 of these cloud-capped mountains. These in ancient days, 
 before the Hudson poured its waters from the lakes, 
 formed one vast prison, within whose rocky bosom the 
 omnipotent Manetho confined the rebellious spirits who 
 repined at his control. Here, bound in adamantine chains, 
 or jammed in rifted pines, or crushed by ponderous rocks, 
 they groaned for many an age. At length the conquering 
 Hudson, in its career towards the ocean, burst open their 
 prison-house, rolling its tide triumphantly through the 
 stupendous ruins. 
 
 Still, however, do many of them lurk about their old 
 abodes ; and these it is, according to venerable legends, 
 that cause the echoes which resound throughout these 
 awful solitudes, which are nothing but their angry 
 clamours when any noise disturbs the profoundness of 
 their repose. For when the elements are agitated by 
 
94 
 
 HISTORY OF HEW YORK:. 
 
 tempest, wlien the winds are up and tlie tliiinder rolls, 
 then horrible is the yelling and howling of these troubled 
 spirits, making the mountains to re-bellow with their 
 hideous uproar ; for at such times it is said that they 
 think the great Manetho is returning once more to plunge 
 them in gloomy caverns, and renew their intolerable 
 captivity. 
 
 But all these fair and glorious scenes were lost upon 
 the gallant Stuyvesant ; nought occupied his mind but 
 thoughts of iron war, and proud anticipations of hardy 
 deeds of arms. Neither did his honest crew trouble their 
 heads with any romantic speculations of the kind. The 
 pilot at the helm quietly smoked his pipe, thinking of 
 nothing either past, present, or to come ; those of his 
 comrades who were not industriously smoking under 
 the hatches were listening with open mouths to Antony 
 Van Corlear, who, seated on the windlass, was relating 
 to them the marvellous history of those myriads of fire- 
 flies, that sparkled like gems and spangles upon the dusky 
 robe of night. These, according to tradition, were origi- 
 nally a race of pestilent sempiternous beldames, who 
 peopled these parts long before the memory of man, 
 being of that abominated race emphatically called irivi- 
 stones ; and who, for their innumerable sins against the 
 children of men, and to furnish an awful warning to the 
 beauteous sex, were doomed to infest the earth in the 
 shape of these threatening and terrible little bugs ; en- 
 during the internal torments of that fire, which they 
 formerly carried in their hearts and breathed forth in 
 their words, but now are sentenced to bear about for ever 
 — in their tails ! 
 
 And now I am going to tell a fact, which I doubt much 
 my readers will hesitate to believe ; but if they do, they 
 
 are welcome not to believe a word in this whole history 
 
 for nothing which it contains is more true. It must be 
 known then that the nose of Antony the Trumpeter was 
 of a very lusty size, strutting boldly from his countenance 
 
HIST OUT OF NEW YORK. 
 
 95 
 
 like a mountain of Golconda, being sumptuously bedecked 
 with rabies and other precious stones, the true regalia of 
 a king of good fellows, which jolly Bacchus grants to 
 all who bouse it heartily at the iiagon. Now thus it 
 happened, that bright and early in the morning, the good 
 Antony, having washed his burly visage, was leaning 
 over the quarter-railing of the galley, contemplating it 
 in the glassy wave below. Just at this moment the 
 illustrious sun, breaking in all his splendour from behind 
 a high bluif of the Highlands, did dart one of his most 
 potent beams full upon the refulgent nose of the sounder 
 of brass ; the reflection of which shot straightway down, 
 hissing hot, into the water, and killed a mighty sturgeon 
 that was sporting beside the vessel 1 This huge monster 
 being with infinite labour hoisted on board, furnished a 
 luxurious repast to all the crew, being accounted of ex- 
 cellent flavour, excepting about the wound, where it 
 smacked a little of brimstone ; and this, on my veracity, 
 was the first time that ever sturgeon was eaten in these 
 parts by Christian people.* 
 
 When this astonishing miracle came to be made known 
 to Peter Stuyvesant, and that he tasted of the unknown 
 fish, he, as may well be supposed, marvelled exceedingly ; 
 and as a monument thereof, he gave the name of Aiitony's 
 Nose to a stout promontory in the neighbourhood ; and 
 it has continued to be called Antony's Nose ever since 
 that time. 
 
 But hold, whither am I wandering ? By the mass, if I 
 attempt to accompany the good Peter Stuyvesant on this 
 voyage, I shall never make an end ; for never was there 
 a voyage so fraught with marvellous incidents, nor a 
 river so abounding with transcendant beauties, worthy 
 of being severally recorded. Even now I have it on the 
 point of my pen to relate how his crsw were most 
 
 * The learned Hans Megapolonsis, treating of the country about 
 Albany, in a letter which was written some time after the settlement 
 thereof, says, " Tiiere is in the river greiit plenty of sturgeon, wiiich 
 Wre Christiaus do not make use of, but the Indians eat them greedily * 
 
96 
 
 HISTOEY OF NEW YORK. 
 
 horribly frigMened, on going on shore above the High- 
 lands, by a gang of merry roistering devils, fi-isking 
 and curveting on a flat rock, which projected into the 
 river, and which is called the BuyoeVs Bans-Kamer to 
 this very day. But no I Diedrich Knickerbocker, it be- 
 comes thee not to idle thus in thy historic wayfaring. 
 
 Recollect, that while dwelling with the fond garrulity 
 of age over these fairy scenes, endeared to thee by the 
 recollections of thy youth, and the charms of a thousand 
 legendary tales, which beguiled the simple ear of thy 
 childhood — recollect that thou art trifling with those 
 fleeting moments which should be devoted to loftier 
 themeg. Is not Time, relentless Time ! shaking, with 
 palsied hand, his almost exhausted hour-glass before 
 thee ? — hasten then to pursue thy weary task, lest the 
 last sands be run ere thou hast finished thy history of the 
 Manhattoes. 
 
 Let us, then, commit the dauntless Peter, his brave 
 galley, and his loyal crew, to the protection of the 
 blessed St. Nicholas, who, I have no doubt, will prosper 
 him in his voyage, while we await his return at the great 
 city of New Amsterdam. 
 
 CHAPTER V. 
 While thus the enterprising Peter was coasting, with 
 flowing sail, up the shores of the lordly Hudson, and 
 arousing all the phlegmatic little Dutch settlements 
 upon its borders, a great and puissant concourse of 
 warriors was assembling at the city of New Amsterdam. 
 And here that invaluable fragment of antiquity, the 
 Stuyvesant manuscript, is more than commonly particular ; 
 by which means 1 am enabled to record the illustrious 
 host that encamped itself in the public square in front of 
 the fort, at present denominated the Bowling Green. 
 
 In the centre, then, was pitched the tent of the men of 
 battle of the Manhattoes. who being the inmates of the 
 
HISTORY OF NEW YORK. 
 
 97 
 
 metropolis, composed the lifeguards of the gOTemor. 
 These were commanded by the valiant Stoffel Brinker- 
 hoof , who whilom had acquired such immortal fame at 
 Oyster Bay ; they displayed as a standard a beaver 
 rampant on a field of orange, being the arms of the 
 province, and denoting the persevering industry and the 
 amphibious origin of the Nederlanders.* 
 
 On their right hand might be seen the vassals of that 
 renowned Mynheer, Michael Paw f , who lorded it over 
 the fair regions of ancient Pavonia, and the lands away 
 south, even unto the Navesink Mountains J, and was, 
 moreover, patroon of Gibbet Island. His standard waa 
 borne by his trusty squire, Cornelius Van Vorst, consist- 
 ing of a huge oyster recumbent upon a sea-green field, 
 being the armorial bearings of his favourite metropolis^ 
 Communipaw. He brought to the camp a stout force of 
 warriors, heavily armed, being each clad in ten pair of 
 linsey-woolsey breeches, and overshadowed by broad- 
 brimmed beavers, with short pipes twisted in their hat- 
 bands. These were the men who vegetated in the mud 
 along the shores of Pavonia, being of the race of genuine 
 copper-heads, and were fabled to have sprung from 
 oysters. 
 
 At a little distance was encamped the tribe of warriors 
 who came from the neighbourhood of Hell-gate. These 
 were commanded by the Suy Dams and the Van Dams, 
 incontinent hard swearers, as their names betoken ; they 
 
 • This was likewise the great seal of the New Netljerlaiuls, as may- 
 still be seen in ancient records. 
 
 t Besides what is related in the Stuyvesant MS., I have found 
 mention made of this illustrious patroon in another manuscript, which 
 says, " De Heer (or the squire) Michael Paw, a Dutch subject, about 
 10th Aug., 1630, by deed purchased Staten Island. N.B.— The same 
 Michael Paw liad what the Dutch call a colonie at Pavonia, on the 
 Jersey shore, opposite New Yorlc ; and liis overseer, in 1636, was named 
 Coi-ns. Van Vorst, a person of the same name, in 1769, owned Pawles 
 Hook, and a large farm at Pavonia, and is a lineal descendant from 
 Van Vorst." 
 
 X So called from the Navesink tribe of Indians that inhabited thesa 
 parts. At present they are erroneously denominated the Neversink, 
 or Neversuuk, mountains. 
 
98 
 
 HISTORY OF NEW YOE.K. 
 
 were terrible looking fellows, clad in broad- Bkirted 
 gaberdines, of tbat curious coloured cloth called thunder 
 and lightning, and bore as a standard three devil's 
 darning-needles, volant, in a flame-coloured field. 
 
 Hard, by was the tent of the men of battle from the 
 marshy borders of the Waale-Boght * and the country 
 thereabouts ; these were of a sour aspect, by reason that 
 they lived on crabs, which abound in these parts. They 
 were the first institutors of that honourable order of 
 knighthood, called Flymarhet shirTts ; and, if tradition 
 speak true, did likewise introduce the far-famed step in 
 dancing, called " double trouble." They were commanded 
 by the fearless Jacobus Varra Vanger, and had, moreover, 
 a jolly band of Breuckelen j ferry-men, who performed a 
 brave concerto on conch shells. 
 
 But I refrain from pursuing this minute description, 
 which goes on to describe the warriors of Bloemen-dael, 
 and Weehawk, and Hoboken, and sundry other places, 
 well known in history and song— for now do the notes of 
 martial music alarm the people of New Amsterdam, 
 sounding afar from beyond the walls of the city. But 
 this alarm was in a little while relieved ; for, lo ! from 
 the midst of a vast cloud of dust, they recognised the 
 brimstone-coloured breeches and splendid silver leg of 
 Peter Stuyvesant, glaring in the sunbeams ; and beheld 
 him approaching at the head of a formidable army, 
 which he had mustered along the banks of the Hudson. 
 And here the excellent but anonymous writer of the 
 Stuyvesant manuscript breaks out into a brave and 
 glorious description of the forces, as they defiled through 
 the principal gate of the city, that stood by the head of 
 Wall Street. 
 
 First of all came the Van Bummels, who inhabit the 
 pleasant borders of the Bronx : these were short fat men, 
 
 » Since corrupted into the Wallabout, the bay where the naw-vard 
 t8 situated. ' 
 t Now spelt Brooklyn. 
 
IIISTOKY OF NEW YORK. 1*9 
 
 wearing exceeding large trunk-breeches, and were 
 renowned for feats of the trencher ; they were the first 
 inventors of suppawn, or mush and milk. Close in their 
 rear marched the Van Vlotens, of Kaats-kill, horrible 
 quaffers of new cider, and arrant braggarts in their 
 liquor. After them came the Van Pelts of Groodt 
 Esopus, dexterous horsemen, mounted upon goodly switch- 
 tailed steeds of the Esopus breed ; these were mighty 
 hunters of minks and musk-rats, whence came the word 
 Peltry. Then the Van Nests of Kinderhoeck, valiant 
 robbers of birds' nests, as their name denotes ; to these, if 
 report may be believed, are we indebted for the invention 
 of slap-jacks, or buckwheat cakes. Then the Van Higgin- 
 bottoms, of Wapping's Creek ; these came armed with 
 ferules and birchen rods, being a race of schoolmasters, 
 who first discovered the marvellous sympathy between the 
 seat of honour and the seat of intellect. Then the Van 
 GroUs, of Anthony's Nose, who carried their liquor in fair 
 round little pottles, by reason they could not bouse it out 
 of their canteens, having such rare long noses. Then the 
 Gardeniers, of Hudson and thereabouts, distinguished by 
 many triumphant feats : such as robbing water-melon 
 patches, smoking rabbits out of their holes, and the like, 
 and by being great lovers of roast«d pigs' tails ; these 
 were the ancestors of the renowned congressman of that 
 name. Then the Van Hoesens, of Sing-Sing, great 
 choristers and players upon the jewsharp ; these marched 
 two and two, singing the great song of St. Nicholas. 
 Then the Couenhovens of Sleepy Hollow ; these gave 
 birth to a jolly race of publicans, who first discovered the 
 magic artifice of conjuring a quart of wine into a pint 
 bottle. Then the Van Kortlandts, who lived on the wild 
 banks of the Croton,and were great killers of wild ducks, 
 being much spoken of for their skill in shooting with 
 the long bow. Then the Van Bunschotens, of Nyack ai? j 
 Kakiat, who were the first that did ever kick with the 
 left foot ; they were gallant bush-whackers and hunters 
 
190 HISTOEY OF KEW YOKK. 
 
 of racoons by moonliglit. Then the Van Winkles, of 
 Haerlem, potent suckers of eg'gs, and noted for running 
 of horses, and running up of scores at taverns ; they 
 were the first that ever winked with both eyes at once. 
 Lastly came the Knickeebockees, of the great town of 
 Scd,ghtikoke, where the folk lay stones upon the houses 
 in windy weather, lest they should be blown away. 
 These derive their name, as some say, from Kniclier, to 
 shake, and JSeher, a goblet, indicating thereby that they 
 were sturdy toss-pots of yore ; but, in truth, it was 
 derived from Kiiicher, to nod, and Boehen, books ; plainly 
 meaning that they were great nodders or dozers over 
 books : from them did descend the writer of this 
 history. 
 
 Such was the legion of sturdy bush-beaters that poured 
 in at the grand gate of New Amsterdam ; the Stuyvesant 
 manuscript, indeed, speaks of many more, whose names I 
 omit to mention, seeing that it behoves me to hasten to 
 matters of greater moment. Nothing could surpass the 
 joy and martial pride of the lion-hearted Peter as he 
 reviewed this mighty host of warriors, and he deter- 
 mined no longer to defer the gratification of his much- 
 wished-for revenge upon the scoundrel Swedes at Fort 
 Casimir. 
 
 But before I hasten to record those unmatchable events, 
 which will be found in the sequel of this faithful history, 
 let me pause to notice the fate of Jacobus Van Pofireu- 
 burgh, the discomfited commander-in-chief of the armies of 
 the New Netherlands. Such is the inherent uncharitable- 
 ness of hviman nature that scarcely did the news become 
 public of his deplorable discomfiture at Fort Casimir, 
 than a thousand scurvy rumours were set afloat in New 
 Amsterdam, wherein it was insinuated that he had in 
 reality a treacherous understanding with the Swedish 
 commander; that he had long been in the practice of 
 privately commimicating with the Swedes ; together 
 with divers hints about " secret service money.'' To all 
 
HISTORY OF NEW YORE.. 
 
 101 
 
 which deadly charges I do not give a jot more credit than 
 I think they deserve. 
 
 Certain it is that the general vindicated his character 
 by the most vehement oaths and protestations, and put 
 every man out of the ranks of honour who dared to doubt 
 his integrity. Moreover, on returning to New Amsterdam, 
 he paraded up and down the streets with a crew of hard 
 swearers at his heels — sturdy bottle companions, whom 
 he gorged and fattened, and who were ready to bolster 
 him through all the courts of justice — ^heroes of his own 
 kidney, fierce-whiskered, broad-shouldered, colbrand- 
 looking swaggerers — not one of whom but looked as 
 thoiigh he could eat up an ox, and pick his teeth with the 
 horns. These lifeguard men quarrelled all his quarrels, 
 were ready to fight all his battles, and scowled at every 
 man that turned up his nose at the general, as though 
 they would devour him alive. Their conversation was 
 interspersed with oaths like minute-guns, and every 
 bombastic rhodomontade was rounded ofE by a thundering 
 execration, like a patriotic toast honoured with a discharge 
 of artillery. 
 
 All these valorous vapourings had a considerable effect 
 in convincing certain profound sages, who began to think 
 the general a hero, of unmatchable loftiness and mag- 
 nanimity of soul ; particularly as he was continually 
 protesting on the ho?wur of a soldier — a marvellously high- 
 sounding asseveration. Nay, one of the members of the 
 council went so far as to propose they should immortalise 
 him by an imperishable statue of plaster of Paris. 
 
 But the vigilant Peter the Headstrong was not thus to 
 be deceived. Sending privately for the commander-in- 
 chief of all the armies, and having heard all his story, 
 garnished with the customary pious oaths, protestations, 
 and ejaculations — " Harkee, comrade," cried he, "though 
 by your own account you are the most brave, upright, 
 and honourable man in the whole province, yet do you 
 lie under the misfortune of being damnably traduced, and 
 
102 
 
 HISTORY OF jrE-V7 TOEK. 
 
 immeasurably despised. "Now, though, it is certainly hard 
 to punish a man for his misfortunes, and though it is 
 very possible you are totally innocent of the crimes laid 
 to your charge ; yet as heaven, doubtless for some wise 
 purpose, sees fit at present to withhold all proofs of your 
 innocence, far be it from me to counteract its sovereign 
 will. Besides, I cannot consent to venture my armies 
 with a commander whom they despise, nor to trust the 
 welfare of my people to a champion whom they distrust. 
 Retire therefore, my friend, from the irksome toils and 
 cares of public life, with this comforting reflection — that 
 if guilty, you are but enjoying your just reward — and if 
 innocent, you are not the first great and good man who 
 has most wrongfully been slandered and maltreated in 
 this wicked world — doubtless to be better treated in a 
 better world, where there shall be neither error, calumny, 
 nor persecution. In the meantime, let me never see your 
 face again, for I have a horrible antipathy to the counte- 
 nances of unfortunate great men like yourself." 
 
 CHAPTER VI. 
 As my readers and myself are about entering on as many 
 perils as ever a confederacy of meddlesome knights- 
 errant wilfully ran their heads into, it is meet that, like 
 thosa hardy adventurers, we should join hands, bury all 
 differences, and swear to stand by one another, in weal or 
 woe, to the end of the enterprise. My readers must 
 doubtless perceive how completely I have altered my tone 
 and deportment since we first set out together. I warrant 
 they then thought me a crabbed, cynical, impertinent 
 little son of a Dutchman ; for I scarcely ever gave them 
 a civil word, nor so much as touched my beaver, when I 
 had occasion to address them. But as we jogged along 
 together on the high road of my history, I gradually 
 
HISTORY OF NEW YOEK. 
 
 103 
 
 began to relax, to grow more courteous, and occasionally 
 to enter into familiar discourse, until at length I came to 
 conceive a most social, companionable kind of regard for 
 them. This is just my way — I am always a little cold 
 and reserved at first, particularly to people whom I 
 neither know nor care for, and am only to be completely 
 won by long intimacy. 
 
 Besides, why should I have been sociable to the crowd 
 of how-d'ye-do acquaintances that flocked around me at 
 my first appearance 1 Many were merely attracted by a 
 new face ; and having stared me full in the title-page 
 walked off without saying a word ; while others ling-ered 
 yawningly through the preface, and, having gratified 
 their short-lived curiosity, soon dropped off one by one. 
 But, more especially to try their mettle, I had recourse to 
 an expedient, similar to one which, we are told, was used 
 by that peerless flower of chivalry, King Arthur ; who, 
 before he admitted any knight to his intimacy, first re- 
 quired that he should show himself superior to danger or 
 hardships, by encountering unheard-of mishaps, slaying 
 some dozen giants, vanquishing wicked enchanters, not to 
 say a word of dwarfs, hippogriffs, and fiery dragons. On 
 a similar principle did I cunningly lead my readers, at 
 the first sally, into two or three knotty chapters, where 
 they were most woefully belaboured and buffeted by a 
 host of pagan philosophers and infidel writers. Though 
 naturally a very grave man, yet could I scarce refrain from 
 smiling outright at seeing the Titter confusion and dismay 
 of my valia»t cavaliers. Some dropped down dead (asleep) 
 on the field ; others threw down my book in the middle of 
 the first chapter, took to their heels, and never ceased 
 scampering until they had fairly run it out of sight ; 
 when they stopped to take breath, to tell their friends 
 what troubles they had undergone, and to warn all 
 others from venturing on so thankless an expedition. 
 Every page thinned my ranks more and more ; and of the 
 vast multitude that first set out, but a comparatively few 
 
104 
 
 HISTOBT OF NEW YOilK. 
 
 made shift to survive, in exceedingly battered condition, 
 fchrougli the five introductory chapters. 
 
 What, then ! would you have had me take such sunshine, 
 faint-hearted recreants to my bosom at our first acquain- 
 tance ? No — no ; I reserved my friendship for those who 
 deserved it, for those who undaunieily bore me company, 
 in despite of difficulties, dangers, and fatigues. And now, 
 as to those who adhere to me at present, I take them 
 affectionately by the hand. Worthy and thrice-beloved 
 readers ! brave and well-tried comrades ! who have faith- 
 fully followed my footsteps through all my wanderings 
 —I salute you from my heart— I pledge myself to stand 
 by you to the last ; and to conduct you (so Heaven speed 
 this trusty weapon which I now hold between my fingers) 
 triumphantly to the end of this our stupendous under- 
 taking. 
 
 But, hark 1 while we are thus talking, the city of New 
 Amsterdam is in a bustle. The host of warriors encamped 
 in the Bowling Green are striking their tents ; the brazen 
 trumpet of Antony Van Corlear makes the welkin to re- 
 sound with portentous clangour — the drums beat the 
 
 standards of the Manhattoes, of Hell-gate, and of Michael 
 Paw wave proudly in the air. And now behold where 
 the mariners are busily employed, hoisting the sails of 
 yon topsail schooner and those clump-built sloops, which 
 are to waft the army of the Nederlanders to gather 
 immortal honours on the Delaware ! 
 
 The entire population of the city, man, woman, and 
 child, turned out to behold the chivalry of New Amster- 
 dam, as it paraded the streets previous to embarkation. 
 Many a handkerchief was waved out of the windows, 
 many a fair nose was blown in melodious sorrow on the 
 mournful occasion. The grief of the fair dames and 
 beauteous damsels of Grenada could not have been more 
 vociferous on the banishment of the gallant tribe of 
 Abencerrages than was that of the kind-hearted fair ones 
 of New Amsterdam on the departure of their intrepid. 
 
HISTORY OF NEW YORE. 
 
 105 
 
 WF.Triors. * Every love-sick maiden fondly irammed the 
 pockets of lier hero with gingerbread and dongh-nuts ; 
 many a copper ring was exchanged, and crooked sixpence 
 broken, in pledge of eternal constancy ; and there remain 
 extant to this day some love verses written on that 
 occasion, sufficiently crabbed and incomprehensible to 
 confound the whole universe. 
 
 But it was a moving sight to see the buxom lasses, how 
 they hung about the doughty Antony Van Corlear ; for 
 he was a jolly, rosy-faced, lusty bachelor, fond of his joke, 
 and withal a desperate rogue among the women. Fain 
 would they have kept him to comfort them while the 
 army was away, for besides what I have said of him, it is 
 no more than ' justice to add that he was a kind-hearted 
 soul, noted for his benevolent attentions in comforting 
 disconsolate wives during the absence of their husbands ; 
 and this made him to be very much regarded by the 
 honest burghers of the city. But nothing could keep the 
 valiant Antony from following the heels of the old 
 governor, whom he loved as he did his very soul : so 
 embracing all the young vrouws, and giving every one of 
 them, that had good teeth and rosy lips, a dozen hearty 
 smacks, he departed, loaded with their kind wishes. 
 
 Nor was the departure of the gallant Peter among the 
 least causes of public distress. Though the old governor 
 was by no means indulgent to the follies and wayward- 
 ness of his subjects, yet somehow or other he had become 
 strangely popular among the people. There is something 
 80 captivating in personal bravery that, with the common 
 mass of mankind, it takes the lead of most other merits. 
 The simple folk of New Amsterdam looked upon Peter 
 Stuyvesant as a prodigy of valour. His wooden leg, that 
 trophy of his martial encounters, was regarded with 
 reverence and admiration. Every old burgher had a 
 budget of miraculous stories to tell about the exploits of 
 Hardkoppig Piet, wherewith he regaled his children o2 a 
 long winter night, and on which he dwelt with as much 
 
106 
 
 HISTORY OF NEW YOEK. 
 
 delight and exaggsration as do our honest country yeo- 
 men on the hardy adventures of old General Putnam (or, 
 as he is familiarly termed, Old Puty during our glorious 
 revolution. Not an individual but verily believed the 
 old governor vras a match for Beelzebub himself ; and 
 there was even a story told, with great mystery, and 
 under the rose, of his having shot the devil with a silver 
 bullet one dark stormy night as he was sailing in a canoe 
 through Hell-gate ; but this I do not record as being an 
 absolute fact. Perish the man who would let fall a drop 
 to discolour the pure stream of history ! 
 
 Certain it is, not an old woman in. New Amsterdam but 
 considered Peter Stuyvesant as a tower of strength, and 
 rested satisfied that the public welfare was secure, so long 
 as he was in the city. It is not surprising, then, that they 
 looked upon his departure as a sore affiiction. With heavy 
 hearts they draggled at the heels of his troop, as they 
 marched down to the riverside to embark. The governor 
 from the stern of his schooner gave a short but truly 
 patriarchal address to his citizens, wherein he recom- 
 mended them to comport like loyal and peaceable subjects 
 — to go to church regularly on Sundays, and to mind their 
 business all the week besides. That the women should 
 be dutiful and affectionate to their husbands — looking 
 after nobody's concerns but their own, eschewing all 
 gossipings and morning gaddings, and carrying short 
 tongues and long petticoats. That the men should 
 abstain from intermeddling in public concerns, intrust- 
 ing the cares of government to the officers appointed to 
 support them — staying at home, like good citizens, 
 making money for themselves, and getting children for 
 the benefit of their country. That the burgomasters 
 should look well to the public interest — not oppressing 
 the poor nor indulging the rich — not tasking their 
 ingenuity to devise new laws, but faithfully enforcing 
 those which were already made — rather bending their 
 attention to prevent evil than to punish it ; ever recol- 
 
HISIORY OF NEW YOEK. 
 
 107 
 
 lecting that civil magistrates siould consider themselves 
 more as guardians, of public morals than rat-catcLers, 
 employed to entrap public delinquents. Finally, he ex- 
 horted them, one and all, high and low, rich and poor, to 
 conduct themselves as well as they could, assuring them 
 that if they faithfully and conscientiously complied with 
 this golden rule, there was no danger but that they 
 would all conduct themselves well enough. This done, 
 he gave them a paternal benediction, the sturdy Anthony 
 sounded a most loving farewell with his trumpet, the 
 ioUy crews put up a shout of triumph, and the invincible 
 armada swept off proudly down the bay. 
 
 The good people of New Amsterdam crowded down to 
 the Battery — that blest resort-, from whence so many a 
 tender prayer has been wafted, so many a fair hand 
 waved, so many a tearful look been cast by love-sick 
 damsel, after the lessening barque, bearing her adventur- 
 ous swain to distant climes ! Here the populace watched 
 with straining eyes the gallant squadron, as it slowly 
 floated down the bay, and when the intervening land at 
 the Narrows shut it from their sight, gradually dis- 
 persed with silent tongues and downcast countenances. 
 
 A heavy gloom hung over the late bustling city ; the 
 honest burghers smoked their pipes in profound thought- 
 fulness, casting many a wistful look to the weather-cock 
 on the church of St. Nicholas ; and all the old women, 
 having no longer the presence of Peter Stuyvesant to 
 hearten them, gathered their children home, and barri- 
 caded the doors and windows every evening at sun down. 
 
 In the meanwhile the armada of the sturdy Peter 
 proceeded prosperously on its voyage, and after encoun- 
 tering about as many storms, and water-spouts, and 
 whales, and other horrors and phenomena, as generally 
 befall adventurous landsmen in perilous voyages of the 
 kind ; and after undergoing a severe scouring from that 
 deplorable and unpitied malady, called sea-sickness, the 
 whole squadron arrived safely in the Delaware. 
 
108 
 
 HISTORY OF NEW YOEK. 
 
 Without SO tmich as dropping anchor, and giving his 
 wearied ships time to breathe, after labouring so long 
 on the ocean, the intrepid Peter pursued his course up 
 the Delaware, and made a sudden appfearance before 
 Fort Casimir. Having summoned the astonished garrison 
 by a terrific blast from the trumpet of the long-winded 
 Van Corlear, he demanded, in a tone of thunder, an 
 instant surrender of the fort. To this demand, Suen 
 Skytte, the wind-dried commandant, replied in a shrill, 
 whiffling voice, which, by reason of his extreme spare- 
 ness, sounded like the wind whistling through a broken 
 bellows — " that he had no very strong reason for refusing, 
 except that the demand was particularly disagreeable, as 
 he had been ordered to maintain his post to the last exi- 
 tremity." He requested time, therefore, to consult with 
 Governor Risingh, and proposed a truce for that purpose. 
 
 The choleric Peter, indignant at having his rightful 
 fort so treacherously taken from him, and thus pertina- 
 ciously withheld, refused the proposed armistice, and 
 swore by the pipe of St. Nicholas, which, like the sacred 
 fire, was never extinguished, that unless the fort were 
 surrendered in ten minutes, he would incontinently storm 
 the works, make all the garrison run the gauntlet, and 
 split their scoundrel of a commander like a pickled shad. 
 To give this menace the greater effect, he drew forth hia 
 trusty sword, and shook it at them with such a fierce and 
 vigorous motion that doubtless, if it had not been ex- 
 ceeding rusty, it would have lightened terror into the 
 eyes and hearts of the enemy. He then ordered his men 
 to bring a broadside to bear upon the fort, consisting of 
 two swivels, three muskets, a long duck fowling-piece, 
 and two braces of horse-pistols. 
 
 In the meantime the sturdy Van Corlear marshalled all 
 his forces, and commenced his warlike operations. Dis- 
 tending his cheeks like a very Boreas, he kept up a most 
 horrific twanging of his trumpet — the lusty choristers of 
 Sing-Sing broke forth into a hideous song of battle — the 
 
HISTORY OF NEW YORK. 
 
 109 
 
 warriors of Breuckelen and the Wallabout blew a potent 
 and astounding blast on their conch shells, altogether 
 forming as oiitrageons a concerto as though five thousand 
 French fiddlers were displaying their skill in a modem 
 overture. 
 
 Whether the formidable front of war thus suddenly 
 presented smote the garrison with sore dismay — or 
 whether the concluding terms of the summons, which 
 mentioned that he should surrender " at disci-etion," were 
 mistaken by Suen Skytte, who, though a Swede, was a 
 very considerate, easy-tempered man, as a compliment to 
 his discretion, I will not take upon me to say ; certain it 
 is he found it impossible to resist so courteous a demand. 
 Accordingly, in the very nick of time, just as the cabin- 
 boy had gone after a coal of fire to discharge the swivel, 
 a chamade was beat on the rampart by the only drum in 
 the garrison, to the no small satisfaction of both parties ; 
 who, notwithstanding their great stomach for fighting, 
 had full as good an inclination to eat a quiet dinner ab to 
 exchange black eyes and bloody noses. 
 
 Thus did this impregnable fortress once more return to 
 the domination of their High Mightinesses ; Skytte and 
 his garrison of twenty men were allowed to march out 
 with the honours of war ; and the victorious Peter, who 
 was as generous as brave, permitted them to keep posses- 
 sion of all their arms and ammunition — the same on 
 inspection being found totally unfit for service, having 
 long rusted in the magazine of the fortress, even before 
 it was wrested by the Swedes from the windy Van Poffen- 
 burgh. But I must not omit to mention that the gover- 
 nor was so well pleased with the service of his faithful 
 squire Van Corlear, in the reduction of this great fortress, 
 that he made him on the spot lord of a goodly domain in 
 the vicinity of New Amsterdam, which goes by the name 
 of Corlear's Hook imto this very day. 
 
 The unexampled liberality of Peter Stuyvesant towards 
 the Swedes occasioned great surprise in the city of New 
 
110 
 
 HISTORY OF KEW YORK:. 
 
 A.msterdain ; nay, certain factious individuals, wlio had 
 been enlightened by political meetings in the days of 
 William the Testy, but who had not dared to indulge 
 their meddlesome habits under the eye of their present 
 ruler, now emboldened by his absence, gave vent to their 
 censures in the street. Murmurs were heard in the very 
 council-chamber of New Amsterdam ; and there is no 
 knowing whether they might not hare broken out into 
 downright speeches and invectives, had not Peter Stuyve- 
 sant privately sent home his walking-stick to be laid as a 
 mace on the table of the council-chamber, in the midst of 
 his counsellors, who, like wise men, took the hint, and 
 for ever after held their peace. 
 
 CHAPTER VII, 
 Like as a mighty alderman, when at a corporation f east 
 the first spoonful of turtle-soup salutes his palate, feels 
 his appetite but tenfold quickened, and redoubles hi&. 
 vigorous attacks upon the tureen, while his projecting 
 eyes roll greedily round, devouring everything at table ; 
 so did the mettlesome Peter Stuyvesant feel that hunger 
 for martial glory, which raged within his bowels, in- 
 flamed by the capture of Fort Casimir, and nothing could 
 allay it but the conquest of all New Sweden. No sooner, 
 therefore, had he secured his conquest than he stumped 
 resolutely on, flushed with success, to gather fresh laurels 
 at Fort Christina.* 
 
 This was the grand Swedish post, established on a 
 small river (or, as it is improperly termed, creek) of the 
 same name; and here that crafty governor Jan Risingh 
 lay grimly drawn up, like a grey-bearded spider in the 
 citadel of his web. 
 
 But before we hurry into the direful scenes which 
 
 * At present a flourishing town, called Christiana, or Christeen, 
 about thirty-seven miles from Philadelphia, on the post road to Balti- 
 more. 
 
HISTORY OF NEW TOEK. 
 
 Ill 
 
 muet attend the meeting of two such potent chieftains, 
 it is advisable to pause for a moment, and hold a kind of 
 warlike council. Battles should not be rushed into pre- 
 cipitately by the historian and his readers, any more than 
 by the general and his soldiers. The great commanders 
 of antiquity never engaged the enemy without previously 
 preparing the minds of their followers by animating 
 harangues ; spiriting them up to heroic deeds, assuring 
 them of the protection of the gods, and inspiring them 
 with a confidence in the prowess of their leaders. So the 
 historian should awaken the attention and enlist the 
 passions of his readers ; and having set them all on fire 
 with the imporliance of his subject, he should put himself 
 at their head, flourish his pen, and lead them on to the 
 thickest of the fight. 
 
 An illustrious example of this rule may be seen in that 
 mirror of historians, the immortal Thucydides. Having 
 arrived at the breaking out of the Peloponnesian War, one 
 of his commentators observes that " he sounds the charge 
 in all the disposition and spirit of Homer. He catalogues 
 the allies on both sides. He awakens our expectations, 
 and fast engages our attention. All mankind are con- 
 cerned in the important point now going to be decided. 
 Endeavours are made to disclose futurity. Heaven itself 
 is interested in the dispute. The earth totters, and nature 
 seems to labour with the great event. This is his solemn, 
 sublime manner of setting out. Thus he magnifies a war 
 between two, as Rapin styles them, petty states ; and 
 thus artfully he supports a little subject by treating it in 
 a great and noble method." 
 
 In like manner, having conducted my readers into the 
 very teeth of peril : having followed the adventurous 
 Peter and his band into foreign regions, surrounded by 
 foes, and stunned by the horrid din of arms, at this im- 
 portant moment, while darkness and doubt hang o'er 
 each coming chapter, I hold it meet to harangue them, 
 and prepare them for the events that are to follow. 
 
112 
 
 HISTORY OF NEW TORE. 
 
 And h?re I -n-ould premise one great advantage, whicli, 
 as historian, I possess over my reader ; and this it is, that 
 though I cannot save the life of my favourite hero, nor 
 absolutely contradict the event of a battle (both vrhich 
 liberties, though often taken by the French writers of 
 the present reign, I hold to be utterly unworthy of a 
 scrupulous historian), yet I can now and then make him 
 bestow on his enemy a sturdy back stroke sufficient to 
 fell a giant ; though, in honest truth, he may never have 
 done anything of the kind : or I can drive his antagonist 
 clear round and round the field, as did Homer make that 
 fine fellow Hector scamper like a poltroon round the 
 walls of Troy ; for which, if ever they have encountered 
 one another in the Elysian Fields, I'll warrant the prince 
 of poets has had to make the most humble apology. 
 
 I am aware that many conscientious readers will be 
 ready to cry out, " foul play ! " whenever I render a little 
 assistance to my hero ; but I consider it one of those 
 privileges exercised by historians of all ages, and one 
 which has never been disputed. An historian is in fact, 
 as it were, bound in honour to stand by his hero — the 
 fame of the latter is intrusted to his hands, and it is his 
 duty to do the best by it he can. Never was there a 
 general, an admiral, or any other commander, who, in 
 giving an account of any battle he had fought, did not 
 sorely belabour the enemy ; and I have no doubt that, 
 had my heroes written the history of their own achieve- 
 ments, they would have dealt much harder blows than 
 any that I shall recount. Standing forth, therefore, as 
 the guardian of their fame, it behoves me to do them the 
 same justice they would have done themselves ; and if I 
 happen to be a little hard upon the Swedes, I give free 
 leave to any of their descendants, who may write a history 
 of the State of Delaware, to take fair retaliation, and 
 belabour Peter Stuyvesant as hard as they please. 
 
 Therefore stand by for broken heads and bloody noses ' 
 My pen hath long itched for a battle— siega after siege 
 
HISTORY OF NEW YORK. 
 
 113 
 
 have I carried on without blows or bloodshed ; but now 
 I have at lengfth got a chance, and I vow to Heaven and ■ 
 St. Nicholas that, let the chronicles of the times say what • 
 they please, neither Sallust, Livy, Tacitus, Polybius, nor 
 any other historian did ever record a fiercer fight than that 
 in which my valiant chieftains are now about to engage. 
 
 And you, 0 most excellent readers, whom, for your 
 faithful adherence, I could cherish in the warmest corner 
 of my heart, be not uneasy — trust the fate of our favour- 
 ite Stuyvesant with me ; for by the rood, come what may, 
 I'll stick by Hardkoppig Piet to the last. I'll make him 
 drive about these losels vile, as did the renowned Launce- 
 lot of the Lake a herd of recreant Cornish knights ; and 
 if he does fall, let me never draw my pen to fight 
 another battle in behalf of a brave man, if I don't make 
 these lubberly Swedes pay for it. 
 
 No sooner had Peter Stuyvesant arrived before Fori 
 Christina, than he proceeded without delay to entrench 
 himself, and immediately on running his first parallel, 
 despatched Antony Van Corlear to summon the fortress to 
 surrender. Van Corlear was received with all due 
 formality, hoodwinked at the portal, and conducted 
 through a pestiferous smell of salt fish and onions to the 
 citadel, a substantial hut built of pine logs. His eyes 
 were here uncovered, and he found himself in the august ' 
 presence of Governor Risingh. This chieftain, as I have 
 before noted, was a very giantly man, and was clad in a 
 coarse blue coat, strapped round the waist with a leathern 
 belt, which caused the enormous skirts and pockets to set 
 off with a very warlike sweep. His ponderous legs were 
 cased in a pair of foxy-coloured jack-boots, and he was 
 straddling in .the attitude of the Colossus of Rhodes, 
 before a bit of broken looking-glass, shaving himself 
 with a villainously dull razor. This afflicting operation 
 caused him to make a series of horrible grimaces, which 
 heightened exceedingly the grisly terrors of his visage. 
 On Antony Van Corlear's being announced, the grim 
 
114 
 
 HISTORY OF NEW TOEK. 
 
 commander paused for a moment, in the midst of one of 
 tis most hard-favoured contortions, and after eyeing him 
 askance over the shoulder, with a kind of snarling grin 
 on his countenance, resumed his labours at the glass. 
 
 This iron harvest being reaped, he turned once more to 
 the trumpeter, and demanded the purport of his errand. 
 Antony Van Corlear delivered in a few words, being a 
 kind of shorthand speaker, a long message from his ex- 
 cellency, recounting the whole history of the province, 
 with a recapitulation of grievances, and enumeration of 
 claims, and concluding with a peremptory demand of in- 
 stant surrender ; which done, he turned aside, took his 
 nose between his thumb and finger, and blew a tremen- 
 dous blast, not unlike the flourish of a trumpet of defiance, 
 which it had doubtless learned from a long and intimate 
 neighbourhood with that melodious instrument. 
 
 Governor Eisingh heard him through, trumpet and all, 
 but with infinite impatience ; leaning at times, as was his 
 usual custom, on the pommel of his sword, and at times 
 twirling a huge steel watch-chain, or snapping his 
 fingers. Van Corlear having finished, he bluntly replied, 
 that Peter Stuyvesant and his summons might go to the 
 
 d 1, whither he hoped to send him and his crew of 
 
 ragamuffins before supper-time. Then unsheathing his 
 brass-hilted sword, and throwing away the scabbard, 
 " 'Fore gad," quod he, " but I will not sheathe thee again 
 until I make a scabbard of the smoke-dried leathern hide 
 of this runagate Dutchman." Then having flung a fierce 
 defiance in the teeth of his adversary, by the lips of his 
 messenger, the latter was re-conducted to the portal, with 
 all the ceremonious civility due to the trumpeter, squire, 
 and ambassador of so great a commander ; and being 
 again unblinded, was courteously dismissed with a tweak 
 of the nose, to assist him in recollecting his message. 
 
 No sooner did the gallant Peter receive tliis insolent 
 reply, than he let fly a tremendous volley of red-hot exe- 
 crations, which would infallibly h.B-'^e battered down the 
 
HISTOET OF NEW YORK. 
 
 115 
 
 fortifications, and blown up tlie powder magazine about 
 the ears of the fiery Swede had not the ramparts been re- 
 markably strong-, and the magazine bomb proof. Per- 
 ceiving that the works withstood this terrific blast, and 
 that it was utterly impossible (as it really was in those 
 unphilosophiT days) to carry on a war with words, he 
 ordered his merry men all to prepare for an immediate 
 assault. But here a strange murmur broke out among 
 his troops, beginning with the tribe of the Van Bummels, 
 .those valiant trenchermen of the Bronx, and spreading 
 from man to man, accompanied with certain mutinous 
 looks and discontented murmurs. For once in Ms life, 
 and only for once, did the great Peter turn pale ; for he 
 verily thought his warriors were going to falter in this 
 hour of perilous trial, and thus to tarnish for ever the 
 fame of the province of New Netherlands. 
 
 But soon did he discover, to his great joy, that in thia 
 suspicion he deeply wronged this most undaunted army ; 
 for the cause of this agitation and uneasiness simply waa 
 that the hour of dinner was at hand, and it would almost 
 have broken the hearts of these regular Dutch warriors 
 to have broken in upon the invariable routine of their 
 habits. Besides, it was an established rule among our 
 ancestors always to fight upon a full stomach ; and to 
 this may be doubtless attributed the circumstance that 
 they came fco be so renowned in arms. 
 
 And now are the hearty men of the Manhattoes, and 
 theix no less hearty comrades, all lustily engaged under the 
 trses, buffeting stoutly with the contents of their wallets, 
 and taking such affectionate embraces of their canteens 
 and pottles as though they verily believed they were to 
 be the last. And as I foresee we shall have hot work in 
 a page or two, I advise my readers to do the same, for 
 which purpose I will bring this chapter to a close ; giving 
 them my word of honour that no advantage shall be 
 taken of this armistic? to surprise, or in anywise molest, 
 the honest Nederlande rs, while at their vigorous repast. 
 
116 
 
 HISTORT OF NEW TOEK. 
 
 CHAPTER VIII. . 
 " Now had the Dutchmeu snatched a huge repast," and 
 finding themselves wonderfully encouraged and animated 
 thereby, prepared to take the field. Expectation, says the 
 writer of the Stuyvesant manuscript, expectation now 
 stood on stilts. The world forgot to turn round, or rather 
 stood still, that it might witness the affray, like a round- 
 bellied alderman watching the combat of two chivalrous 
 flies upon his jerkin. The eyes of all mankind, as usual 
 in such cases, were turned upon Fort Christina. The sun, 
 like a little man in a crowd at a puppet-show, scampered 
 about the heavens, popping his head here and there, and en- 
 deavouring to get a peep between the unmannerly clouds 
 that obtruded themselves in his way. The historians 
 filled their inkhorns ; the poets went without their 
 dinners, either that they might buy paper and goose-quills, 
 or because they could not get anything to eat. Antiquity 
 scowled sulkily out of its grave to see itself outdone ; 
 while even Posterity stood mute, gazing in gaping ecstasy 
 of retrospection on the eventful field. 
 
 The immortal deities, who whilom had seen service at 
 the " affair " of Troy, now mounted their feather-bed 
 clouds, and sailed over the plain, or mingled among the 
 combatants in different disguises, all itching to have a 
 finger in the pie. Jupiter sent off his thunderbolt to 
 a noted coppersmith to have it furbished up for the dire- 
 ful occasion. Venus vowed by her chastity to patronise 
 the Swedes, and in semblance of a blear-eyed trull 
 paraded the battlements of Fort Christina, accompanied 
 by Diana, as 'a sergeant's widow, of cracked reputation. 
 The noted bully Mars stuck two horse-pistols into his 
 belt, shouldered a rusty firelock, and gallantly swaggered 
 at their elbow as a drunken corporal, while Apollo trudged 
 in their rear as a bandy-legged fifer, playing most 
 villainously out of tune. 
 
 On the other side the ox-eyed Juno, who had gained a 
 
HISTORY OF NEW TOEK. 
 
 117 
 
 pair of black eyes over night, in. one of her curtain lec- 
 tures with old Jupiter, displayed her haughty beauties on 
 a baggage -waggon ; Minerva, as a brawny gin-suttler, 
 tucked up her skirts, brandished her fists, and swore most 
 heroically, in exceeding bad Dutch (having but lately 
 studied the language), by way of keeping up the spirits 
 of the soldiers ; while Vulcan halted as a club-footed 
 blacksmith, lately premoted to be a captain of militia. 
 All was silent awe or bustling preparation ; war reared 
 his horrid front, gnashed loud his iron fangs, and shook 
 his direful crest of bristling bayonets. 
 
 And now the mighty chieftains marshalled out their 
 hosts. Here stood stout Risingh, firm as a thousand 
 rocks, incrusted with stockades and intrenched to the 
 chin in mud batteries. His valiant soldiery lined the 
 breast-work in grim array, each having his mustachios 
 fiercely greased, and his hair pomatumed back, and queued 
 80 stiiHy, that he grinned above the ramparts like a grisly 
 death's head. 
 
 There came on the intrepid Peter, his brows knit, his 
 teeth set, his fists clenched, almost breathing forth 
 volumes of smoke, so fierce was the fire that raged within 
 his bosom. His faithful squire Van Corlear trudged va- 
 liantly at his heels, with his trumpet gorgeously bedecked 
 with red and yellow ribands, the remembrances of his 
 fair mistresses at the Manhattoes. Then came waddling 
 on the sturdy chivalry of the Hudson. There were the 
 Van Wycks, and the Van Dycks, and the Ten Eycks ; 
 the Van Nesses, the Van Tassels, the Van Grolls ; the 
 Van Hoesens, the Van Griesons, and the Van Blarcoms ; 
 the Van Warts, the Van Winkles, the Van Dams ; the 
 Van Pelts, the Van Rippers, and the Van Brunts. There 
 were the Van Homes, the Van Hooks, the Van Bunscho- 
 tens ; the Van G-elders, the Van Arsdales, and the "^fm 
 Bummels ; the Vander Belts, the Vander Hoofs, the 
 Vander Voorts, the Vander Lyns, the Vander Pools -,nd 
 the Vander Spiegles ; there came the Hofl'mans, th& 
 
118 
 
 HISTORY OF NEW YORK. 
 
 Hocglands, tlie Hoppers, the Cloppers, tlie Ryckmans, the 
 Dyckmans, the Hogebooms, the Rosebooms, the Oothouts, 
 the Quackenbosses, the Roerbacks, the Garrebrantzes, the 
 Bensons, the Brouwers, the Waldrons, the Onderdonks, 
 the Varra Vangers, the Schermerhorns, the Stouten- 
 burghs, the Brinkerhoffs, the Bontecous, the Knicker- 
 bockers, the Hockstrassers, the Ten Breecheses, and the 
 Tough Breecheses, with a host more of worthies, whose 
 names are too crabbed to be written, or if they cotild be 
 written, it would ■be impossible for man to utter — all 
 fortified with a mighty dinner, and, to use the words of a 
 great Dutch poet, 
 
 " Brimful of wrath and cabbage." 
 
 For an instant the mighty Peter paused in the midst of 
 his career, and mounting on a stump, addressed his troops 
 in eloquent Low Dutch, exhorting them to light like 
 duyvels, and assuring them that if they conquered, they 
 should get plenty of booty ; if they fell, they should be 
 allowed the satisfaction, while dying, of reiiecting that 
 it was in the service of their country ; and after they 
 were dead, of seeing their names inscribed in the temple 
 of renown, and handed down, in company with all the 
 other great men of the year, for the admiration of pos- 
 terity. Finally, he swore fco them, on the word of a 
 governor (and they knew him too well to doubt it for a 
 moment), that if he caught any mother's son of them 
 looking pale, or playing craven, he would curry his hide 
 till he made him run out of it like a snake in spring 
 time. Then lugging out his trusty sabre, he brandished 
 it three times over his head, ordered Van Corlear to sound 
 a charge, and shouting the words, " St. Nicholas and the 
 Manhattoes ' " courageously dashed forwards. His war- 
 like followers, who had employed the interval in lighting 
 their pipes, instantly stuck them into their mouths, gave 
 a furious puff, and charged gallantly under cover of the 
 wnoke. 
 
HISTORY OF NEW YORK. 
 
 119 
 
 The Swedisli garrison, ordered by the cunning Risingh 
 not to fire until they could distinguish the whites of 
 their assailants' eyes, stood in horrid silence on the 
 covert-way, until the eager Dutchmen had ascended the 
 glacis. Then did they pour into them such a tremendous 
 volley that the very hills quaked around, and were terri- 
 fied even unto an incontinence of water, insomuch that 
 certain springs burst forth from their sides, which con- 
 tinue to run unto the present day. Not a Dutchman but 
 would have bitten the dust beneath that dreadful fire 
 had not the protecting Minerva kindly taken care that 
 the Swedes should, one and all, observe their usual cus- 
 tom of shutting their eyes, and turning away their heads 
 at the moment of discharge. 
 
 The Swedes followed up their fire by leaping the 
 counterscarp, and falling tooth and nail upon the foe 
 with furious outcries. And now might be seen prodigies 
 of valour, unmatched in history or song. Here was the 
 sturdy Stoffel Brinkerhoff brandishing his quarter-staff 
 like the giant Blanderon his oak tree (for he scorned to 
 carry any other weapon), and drumming a horrific tune 
 upon the hard heads of the Swedish soldiery. There were 
 the Van Kortlandts, posted at a distance, like the Locrian 
 archers of yore, and plying it most potently with the 
 long-bow, for which they were so justly renowned. On a 
 rising knoll were gathered the valiant men of Sing-Sing, 
 assisting marvellously in the fight, by chanting the great 
 song of St. Nicholas ; but as to the Gardeniers of Hudson, 
 they were absent on a marauding party, laying waste the 
 neighbouring water-melon patches. 
 
 In a different part of the field were the Van Grolls of 
 Anthony's Nose, struggling to get to the thickest of the 
 fight, but horribly perplexed in a defile between two hills, 
 by reason of the length of their noses. So also the Van 
 Bunschotens of Nyack and Kakiat, so renowned for kick- 
 ing with the left foot, were brought to a stand for want 
 of wind, in consequence of th§ heaity dinner they had 
 
120 
 
 HISTORT OF NEW YORK. 
 
 eaten, and would have been put to utter rout but for tk 
 arrival of a gallant corps of voltigeurs. composed of the 
 Hoppers, who advanced nimbly to their assistance on one 
 foot. Nor must I omit to mention the valiant achieve- 
 ments of Antony Van Corlear, who, for a good quarter of 
 an hour, waged stubborn fight with a little pursy Swedish 
 drummer, whose hide he drummed most magnificently, 
 and whom he would infallibly have annihilated on the 
 spot, but that he had come into the battle with no other 
 weapon but his trumpet. 
 
 But now the combat thickened. On came the mighty 
 Jacobus Varra Vanger and the fighting men of the 
 Wallabout ; after them thundered the Van Pelts of Eso- 
 pus, together with the Van Eippers and the Van Brunts, 
 bearing down all before them ; then the Suy Dams and 
 the Van Dams, pressing forward with many a bluster- 
 ing oath, at the head of the warriors of Hell-gate, clad 
 in their thunder and lightning gaberdines ; and, lastly, 
 the standard-bearers and body-guards of Peter Stuyvesant, 
 bearing the great beaver of the Manhattoes, 
 
 And now commenced the horrid din, the desperate 
 struggle, the maddening ferocity, the frantic desperation, 
 the confusion, and self-abandonment of war. Dutchman 
 and Swede commingled, tugged, panted, and blowed. 
 The heavens were darkened with a tempest of missives. 
 Bang ! went the guns ; wh.^ck ! went the broad-swords ! 
 thump ! went the cudgels ; crash ! went the musket- 
 stocks ; blows, kicks, cuffs, scratches, black eyes, and 
 bloody noses swelling the horrors of the scene ! Thick 
 thwack, cut and hack, helter skelter, higgledy-piggledy, 
 hurly-burly, head over heels, rough and tumble ! Dunder 
 and blixum ! swore the Dutchmen ; splitter and splutter f 
 cried the Swedes. Storm the works, shouted Hardkoppig 
 Peter. Fire the mine, roared stout Risingh. Tanta-ra- 
 ra-ra ! twanged the trumpet of Antony Van Corlear, 
 nntil all voice and sound became unintelligible ; gruata 
 of pain, yells of fury, and shouts of triumph mingling i&v. 
 
HISTORr OF NEW TORK. 
 
 121 
 
 one hideous clamour. The earth shook as if struck with 
 a paralytic stroke ; trees shrunk aghast, and withered at 
 the sight ; rocks burrowed in the ground like rabbits ; 
 and even Christina Creek turned from its course, and ran 
 up a hill in breathless terror ! 
 
 Long hung the contest doubtful ; for though a heavy 
 shower of rain, sent by the " cloud-compelling Jove," in 
 some measure cooled their ardour, as doth a bucket of 
 water thrown on a group of fighting mastiffs, yet did 
 they but pause for a moment, to return with tenfold fury 
 to the charge. Just at this juncture a vast and dense 
 column of smoke was seen slowly rolling toward the 
 scene of battle. The combatants paused for a moment, 
 gazing in mute astonishment until the wind, dispelling 
 the murky cloud, revealed the flaunting banner of 
 Michael Paw, the patroon of Communipaw. That valiant 
 chieftain came fearlessly on at the head of a phalanx of 
 oyster-fed Pavonians and a corps de reserve of the Van 
 Arsdales and Van Bummels, who had remained behind to 
 digest the enormous dinner they had eaten. These now 
 trudged manfully forward, smoking their pipes with out- 
 rageous vigour, so as to raise the awful cloud that has 
 been mentioned ; but marching exceedingly slow, being 
 short of leg, and of great rotundity in the belt. ■ 
 
 And now the deities who watched over the fortunes of 
 the Nederlanders, having unthinkingly left the field and 
 stepped into a neighbouring tavern to refresh themselves 
 with a pot of beer, a direful catastrophe had well-nigh 
 ensued. Scarce had the myrmidons of Michael Paw at- 
 tained the front of battle, when the Swedes, instructed 
 by the cunning Risingh, levelled a shower of blows full 
 at their tobacco-pipes. Astounded at this assault, and 
 dismayed at the havoc of their pipes, these ponderous 
 warriors gave way, and like a drove of frightened ele- 
 phants, broke through the ranks of their own army. The 
 little Hoppers were borne down in the surge ; the sacred 
 banner emblazoned witli the gigantic oystei of Communi- 
 
122 
 
 HISTORY OF NEW TOEK. 
 
 paw was trampled in the dirt ; on blundered and tlmn- 
 dered the heavy-sterned fugitives, the Swedes pressing 
 on their rear, and applying their feet a parte poste of 
 the Van Arsdales and the Van Bummels with a vigour 
 that prodigiously accelerated their movements ; nor did 
 the renowned Michael Paw himself fail to receive divera 
 grievous and dishonourable visitations of shoe leather. 
 
 But what, 0 Muse ! was the rage of Peter Stuyvesant, 
 when from afar he saw his army giving way ! In the 
 transports of his wrath he sent forth a roar, enough to 
 shake the very hills. The men of the Manhattoes plucked 
 up new courage at the sound ; or rather, they rallied at 
 the voice of their leader, of whom they stood more in 
 awe than of all the Swedes in Christendom. Without 
 waiting for their aid, the daring Peter dashed, sword in 
 hand, into the thickest of the foe. Then might be seen 
 achievements worthy of the days of the giants. Wher- 
 ever he went, the enemy shrank before him ; the Swedes 
 fled to right and left, or were driven, like dogs, into their 
 own ditch ; but, as he pushed forward singly with head- 
 long courage, the foe closed behind and hung upon his rear. 
 One aimed a blow full at his heart ; but the protecting 
 power which watches over the great and good turned aside 
 the hostile blade, and directed it to a side-pocket, where 
 reposed an enormous iron tobacco-box, endowed, like the 
 shield of Achilles, with supernatural powers, doubtless 
 from bearing the portrait of the blessed St. Nicholas. 
 Peter Stuyvesant turned like an angry bear upon the 
 foe, and seizing him as he fled, by an immeasurable 
 queue, " Ah, whoreson caterpillar," roared he, " here's 
 what shall make worms' meat of thee ! " So saying, he 
 whirled his sword, and dealt a blow that would have de- 
 capitated the varlet, but that the pitying steel stmck 
 short, and shaved the queue for ever from his crown. At 
 this moment an arquebusier levelled his piece from a 
 neighbouring mound, with deadly aim ; but the watch- 
 ful Minerva, who had just stopped to tie up lier garter, 
 
HISTOKT OF NEW YORK. 
 
 123 
 
 Beeing the peril of her favourite hero, sent old Boreas 
 with his bellows, who, as the match descended to the pan^ 
 gave a blast that blew the priming from the touch-hole. 
 
 Thus waged the fight, when the stout Risingh, survey- 
 ing the field from the top of a little ravelin, perceived 
 his troops banged, beaten, and kicked by the invincible 
 Peter. Drawing his falchion, and uttering a thousand 
 anathemas, he strode down to the scene of combat with 
 some such thundering strides as Jupitsr is said by Hesiod 
 to have taken when he strode down the spheres to hurl 
 his thunderbolts at the Titans. 
 
 "^^Tien the rival heroes came face to face, each made a 
 prodigious start, in the style of a veteran stage champion. 
 Then did they regard each other for a moment with the 
 bitter aspect of two furious ram-cats on the point of a 
 clapper-clawing. Then did they throw themselves into 
 one attitude, then into another, striking their swords on 
 the ground, first on the right side, then on the left ; at 
 last at it they went, with incredible ferocity. Words 
 cannot tell the prodigies of strength and valour dis- 
 played in this direful encounter — an encounter com- 
 pared to which the far-famed battles of Ajax with 
 Hector, of iEneas with Turnus, Orlando with Rodomont, 
 Guy of Warwick with Colbrand the Dane, or of that 
 renowned Welsh knight, Sir Owen of the Mountains, 
 with the giant Guyton, were all gentle sports and 
 holiday recreations. At length the valiant Peter, watch- 
 ing his opportunity, aimed a blow, enough to cleave his 
 adversary to the very chine ; but Risingh, nimbly raising 
 his sword, warded it off so narrowly, that glancing on 
 one side, it shaved away a huge canteen in which he 
 carried his liquor ; thence pursuing its trenchant course, 
 it severed off a deep coat pocket, stored with bread and 
 cheese, which provant rolling among the armies, occa- 
 sioned a fearful scrambling between the Swedes and 
 Dutchmen, and made the general battle to wax ten times 
 more f luious than eve* 
 
124 
 
 MISTOET OF NEW YORK. 
 
 Enraged to see Ms military stores laid waste, tlie stout 
 Risingh, collecting all his forces, aimed a mighty blow 
 full at the hero's crest. In vain did his fierce little 
 cocked hat oppose its course. The biting steel clove 
 through the stubborn ram beaver, and would have 
 cracked the crown of any one not endowed with super- 
 natural hardness of head ; but the brittle weapon 
 shivered in pieces on the skull of Hardkoppig Piet, shed- 
 ding a thousand sparks, like beams of glory, round his 
 grizzly visage. 
 
 The good Peter reeled with the blow, and turning up 
 his eyes, beheld a thousand suns, beside moons and stars, 
 dancing about the firmanent ; at length, missing his 
 footing, by reason of his wooden leg, down he came on 
 his seat of honour with a crash which shook the sur- 
 rounding hills, and might have wrecked his frame had 
 he not been received into a cushion softer than velvet, 
 which Providence or Minerva, or St. Nicholas, or some 
 kindly cow, had benevolently prepared for his reception. 
 
 The furious Risingh, in despite of the maxim, cherished 
 by all true knights, that " fair play is a jewel," hastened 
 to take advantage of the hero's fall ; but, as he stooped 
 to give a fatal blow, Peter Stuyvesant dealt him a 
 thwack over the sconce with his wooden leg, which set a 
 chime of bells ringing triple bob majors in his cerebellum. 
 The bewildered Swede staggered with the blow, and the 
 wary Peter seizing a pocket-pistol which lay hard by, 
 discharged it full at the head of the reeling Risingh. 
 Let not my reader mistake ; it was not a murderous 
 weapon loaded with powder and ball, but a little sturdy 
 stone pottle charged to the muzzle with a double dram 
 of true Dutch courage, which the knowing Antony 
 Van Corlear carried about him by way of replenishing 
 his valour, and which had dropped from his wallet 
 during his furious encounter with, the drummer. The 
 hideous weapon sang through the air, and true to its 
 course, as was the fragment of a rock discharged at 
 
HISTORY OF NEW YOEK. 
 
 12!i 
 
 Hector by bully Aajx, encountered the head of the 
 gigantic Swede with matchless violence. 
 
 This heaven-directed blow decided the battle. The 
 ponderous pericranium of General Jan Risingh sank 
 upon his breast ; his knees tottered under him ; a death- 
 like torpor seized upon his frame, and he tumbled to the 
 earth with such violence that old Pluto started with 
 affright, lest he should have broken through the roof of 
 his infernal palace. 
 
 Ilia fall was the signal of defeat and victory ; the 
 Swedes gave way, the Dutch pressed forward ; the 
 former took to their heels, the latter hotly pursued. 
 Some entered with them pell-mell through the sally- 
 port, others stormed the bastion, and others scrambled 
 over the curtain. Thus in a little while the fortress of 
 Fort Ckristina, which, like another Troy, had stood a 
 siege of f ull ten hours, was carried by assault, without 
 the loss of a single man on either side. Victory, in the 
 likeness of a gigantic ox-fly, sat perched on the cocked 
 hat of the gallant Stuyvesant ; and it was declared by 
 all the writers whom he hired to write the history of his 
 expedition that on this memorable day he gained a suf- 
 ficient quantity of glory to immortalise a dozen of the 
 greatest heroes in Christendom ! 
 
 CHAPTER IX. 
 Thanks to St. Nicholas, we have safely finished this tre- 
 mendous battle. Let us sit down, my worthy reader, and 
 cool ourselves, for I am in a prodigious sweat and 
 agitation. Truly this fighting of battles is hot work I 
 and if your great commanders did but know what 
 trouble they give their historians, they would not have 
 the conscience to achieve so many horrible victories. 
 But methinks I hear my reader complain that through- 
 out this boasted battle there is not the least slaughter, 
 nor a single individual maimed, if we except the unhappy 
 
126 
 
 HISTOBT OF NEW YOKK. 
 
 Swede, "wiio was shorn of Ms queue by the trenchant 
 blade of Peter Stuyvesant ; all which, he observes, is a 
 great outrage on probability, and highly injurious to the 
 interest of the narration. 
 
 This is certainly an objection of no little moment, but 
 it arises entirely from the obscurity enveloping the 
 remote periods of time about which I have undertaken 
 to write. Thus, though doubtless, from the importance 
 of the object, and the prowess of the parties concerned, 
 there must have been terrible carnage and prodigies of 
 valour displayed before the walls of Christina, yet, 
 notwithstanding that I have consulted every history, 
 manuscript, and tradition, touching this memorable 
 though long-forgotten battle, I cannot find mention 
 made of a single man killed or wounded in the whole 
 aifair. 
 
 This is, without doubt, owing to the extreme modesty 
 of our forefathers, who, unlike their descendants, were 
 never prone to vaunt of their achievements ; but it is a 
 virtue which places their historian in a most embarras- 
 sing predicament; for, having promised my readers a 
 hideous and unparalleled battle, and having worked 
 them up into a warlike and blood-thirsty state of mind, 
 to put them off without any havoc and slaughter would 
 have been as bitter a disappointment as to summon a 
 multitude of good people to attend an execution, and 
 then cruelly balk them by a reprieve. 
 
 Had the Fates only allowed me some half a score of 
 dead men, I had been content ; for I would have made 
 them such heroes as abounded in the olden time, but 
 whose race is now unfortunately extinct ; any one of 
 whom, if we may believe those authentic writers, the 
 poets, could drive great armies, like sheep before him, 
 and conquer and desolate whole cities by his single arm. 
 
 But seeing" that I had not a single life at my disposal, 
 all that was left me was to make the most I could of my 
 battle, by means of kicks, and cuffs, and bruises, and 
 
HISTOET OF NEW YOKK. 
 
 127 
 
 suoh-Iike ignoble wounds. And here I cannot but com- 
 pare my dilemma, in some sort, to that of the divine 
 Milton, who, having arrayed with sublime preparation 
 hia immortal hosts against each other, is sadly put to it 
 how to manage them, and how he shall make the end of 
 his battle answer to the beginning ; inasmuch as, being 
 mere spirits, he cannot deal a mortal blow, nor even give 
 a flesh wound to any of his combatants. For my part, 
 the greatest difficulty I found was, when I had once 
 put my warriors in a passion, and let them loose into 
 the midst of the enemy, to keep them from doing mis- 
 chief. Many a time had I to restrain the sturdy Peter 
 from cleaving a gigantic Swede to the very waistband, 
 or spitting half a dozen little fellows on his sword, like 
 so many sparrows. And when I had set some hundred 
 of missives flying in the air, I did not dare to suffer one 
 of them to reach the ground, lest it should have put an 
 end to some unlucky Dutchman. 
 
 The reader cannot conceive how mortifying it is to a 
 writer thus in a manner to have his hands tied, and how 
 many tempting opportunities I had to wink at, where I 
 might have made as fine a death-blow as any recorded in 
 history or song. 
 
 From my own experience I begin to doubt most 
 potently of the authenticity of many of Homer's stories. 
 I verily believe that when he had once launched one of 
 his favourite heroes among a crowd of the enemy, he cut 
 down many an honest fellow, without any authority for 
 so doing, excepting that he presented a fair mark ; and 
 that often a poor fellow was sent to grim Pluto's domains, 
 merely because he had a name that would give a sounding 
 turn to a period. But I disclaim all such unprinci])led 
 liberties ; let me but have truth and the law on my side, 
 and no man would fight harder than myself ; but since the 
 various records I consulted did not warrant it, I had too 
 much conscience to kill a single soldier. By St. Nicholas, 
 but it would have been a pretty piece of business I My 
 
128 
 
 JISTOBY OF NEW YORK. 
 
 ienemies, the critics, who I foresee will be ready enough 
 to lay any crime they can discover at my door, might 
 have charged me with murder outright ; and I should 
 have esteemed myself lucky to escape with no harsher 
 verdict than manslaughter ! 
 
 And now, gentle reader, that we are tranquilly sitting 
 down here, smoking our pipes, permit me to indulge in a 
 melancholy reflection which at this moment passes across 
 my mind. How vain, how fleeting, how uncertain are all 
 those gaudy bubbles after which we are panting and 
 toiling in this world of fair delusions ! The wealth 
 which the miser has amassed with so many weary days, 
 so many sleepless nights, a spendthrift heir may squander 
 away in joyless prodigality ; the noblest monuments 
 which pride has ever reared to perpetuate a name, the 
 hand of time will shortly tumble into ruins ; and even 
 the brightest laurels, gained by feats of arms, may 
 wither, and be for ever blighted by the chilling neglect 
 of mankind. " How many illustrious heroes," says the 
 good Boetius, " who were once the pride and glory of the 
 age, hath the silence of historiaas buried in eternal 
 oblivion ! " And this it was that induced the Spartans, 
 when they went to battle, solemnly to sacrifice to the 
 Muses, -supplicating that their achievements might be 
 worthily recorded. Had not Homer tuned his lofty 
 lyre, observes the elegant Cicero, the valour of Achilles 
 had remained unsung. And such, too, after all the toils 
 and perils he had braved, after all the gallant actions he 
 had achieved, such too had nearly been the fate of the 
 chivalric Peter Stuyvesant, but that I fortunately stepped 
 in and engraved his name on the indelible tablet of 
 history, just as the caitiff Time was silently brushing it 
 away for ever ! 
 
 The more I reflect, the more I am astonished at the 
 important character of the historian. He is the sovereign 
 censor, to decide upon the renown or infamy of his 
 fellow-men. He is the patron of kings and conquerors 
 
HISTORY OF NEW YORK. 
 
 129 
 
 OD whom it depends whether they shall live in after ages, 
 or be forgotten as were their ancestors before them. 
 The tyrant may oppress while the object of his tyranny 
 exists ; but the historian possesses superior might, for his 
 power extends even beyond the grave. The shades of 
 departed and long-forgotten heroes anxiously bend down 
 from above, while he writes, watching each movement 
 of his pen, whether it shall pass by their names with 
 neglect, or inscribe them on the deathless pages of re- 
 nown. Even the drop of ink which hangs trembling on 
 his pen, which he may either dash upon the floor, or 
 .waste in idle scrawlings — that very drop, which to him 
 is not worth the twentieth part of a farthing, may 
 be of incalculable value to some departed worthy — ^may 
 elevate half a score, in one moment, to immortality, who 
 would have given worlds, had they possessed them, to 
 ensure the glorious meed. 
 
 Let not my readers imagine, however, that I am in- 
 dulging in vain-glorious boastings, or am anxious to 
 blazon forth the importance of my tribe. On the con- 
 trary, I shrink when I reflect on the awful responsibility 
 we historians assume ; I shudder to think what direful 
 commotions and calamities we occasion in the world ; I 
 swear to thee, honest reader, as I am a man, I weep a't the 
 very idea ! Why, let me ask, are so many illustrious men 
 daily tearing themselves away from the embraces of their 
 families, slighting the smiles of beauty, despising the 
 allurements of fortune, and exposing themselves to the 
 miseries of war ? Why are kings desolating empires, and 
 depopulating Avhole countries? In short, what induces 
 all great men. of all ages and countries, to commit so 
 many victories and misdeeds, and inflict so many miseries 
 upon mankind and upon themselves, but the mere hope 
 that some historian will kindly take them into notice, 
 and admit them into a comer of his volume ? For, in 
 short, the mighty object of all their toils, their hardships, 
 and privations, is nothing but immortal fame. And what 
 
130 
 
 KISTORT OF i>:EW YOEK!. 
 
 is immortal fame ? Why, half a page of dirty paper ! 
 Alas, alas ' how humiliating the idea, that the renown of 
 so great a man as Peter Stuyvesant should depend upon 
 the pen of so little a man as Diedrich Knickerbocker ! 
 
 And now, having refreshed ourselves after the fatigues 
 and perils of the field, it behoves us to return once more 
 to the scene of conflict, and inquire what were the results 
 of this renowned conquest. The fortress of Christina 
 being the fair metropolis, and in a manner the key to 
 New Sweden, its capture was speedily followed by the 
 entire subjugation of the province. This was not a little 
 promoted by the gallant and courteous deportment of the 
 chivalric Peter. Though a man terrible in battle, yet in 
 the hour of victory was he endued with a spirit generous, 
 merciful, and humane. He vaunted not over his enemies, 
 nor did he make defeat more galling by unmanly insults ; 
 for, like that mirror of knightly virtue, the renowned 
 Paladin Orlando, he was more anxious to do great 
 actions than to talk of them after they were done. He 
 put no man to death, ordered no houses to be burnt down, 
 permitted no ravages to be perpetrated on the property 
 of the vanquished, and even gave one of his bravest 
 officers a severe admonishment with his walking-staif, 
 for having been detected in the act of sacking a hen- 
 roost. 
 
 He moreover issued a proclamation, inviting the 
 inhabitants to submit to the authority of their Hip:h 
 Mightinesses, but declaring, with unexampled clemency, 
 that whoever refused should be lodged, at the public 
 expense, in a goodly castle provided for the purpose, and 
 have an armed retinu*» to wait on them in the bargain. 
 In consequence of these beneficent terms, about thirty 
 Swedes stepped manfully forward and took the oath of 
 allegiance ; in reward for which they were graciously 
 permitted to remain on the banks of the Delaware, where 
 their descendants reside at this very day. I am told, 
 however, by divers observant travellers, that they have 
 
HISTORY OP NEW YORK. 
 
 131 
 
 never been able to get over the chap-fallen looks of their 
 ancestors ; but that they still do strangely transmit, from 
 father to son, manifest marks of the sound drubbing 
 given them by the sturdy Amsterdammers. 
 
 The whole country of New Sweden having thus yielded 
 to the arms of the triumphant Petar, was reduced to a 
 colony called South River, and placed under the superin- 
 tendence of a lieutenant-governor, subject to the control 
 of the supreme government of New Amsterdam. This 
 great dignitary was called Mynheer William Beekman, 
 or rather Beck-m.a,n, who derived his surname, as did 
 Ovidius Naso of yore, from the lordly dimensions of his 
 nose, which projected from the centre of his counten- 
 ance like the beak of a parrot. He was the great pro- 
 genitor of the tribe of the Beekmans, one of the most 
 ancient and honourable families of the province ; the 
 members of which do gratefully commemorate the origin 
 of their dignity, not as your noble families in England 
 would do by having a glowing proboscis emblazoned in 
 their escutcheon, but by one and all wearing a right 
 goodly nose stuck in the very middle of their faces. 
 
 Thus was this perilous enterprise gloriously terminated, 
 with the loss of only two men — Wolfert Van Home, a 
 tall spare man, who was knocked overboard by the boom of 
 a sloop in a flaw of wind, and fat Brom Van Bummel, 
 who was suddenly carried off by an indigestion ; both, 
 however, were immortalised as having bravely fallen in 
 the service of their country. True it is, Peter Stuyvesant 
 had one of his limbs terribly fractured in the act of 
 storming the fortress ; but as it was fortunately his 
 wooden leg, the wound was promptly and effectually 
 healed. 
 
 And now nothing remains to this branch of my history 
 but to mention that this immaculate hero and his vic- 
 torious army returned joyously to the Manhattoes, where 
 they made a solemn and triumphant entry, bearing with 
 them the conquered Risingh, and the remnant of his 
 
132 
 
 HISTOBY OF NEW YORK. 
 
 battered crew who had refused allegiance ; for it appears 
 that the gigantic Swede had only fallen into a swoon at 
 the end of the battle, from which he was speedily restored 
 by a wholesome tweak of the nose. 
 
 These captive heroes were lodged, according to the 
 promise of the governor, at the public expense, in a fair 
 and spacious castle, being the prison of state of which 
 Stoffel Brinkerhoff, the immortal conqueror of Oyster 
 Bay, was appointed governor, and which has ever since 
 remained in the possession of his descendants. * 
 
 It was a pleasant and goodly sight to witness the joy 
 of the people of New Amsterdam at beholding their 
 warriors once more return from this war in the wilderness. 
 The old women thronged round Antony Van Corlear, who 
 gave the whole history of the campaign with match- 
 less accuracy, saving that he took the credit of fighting 
 the whole battle himself, and especially of vanquishing 
 the stout Risingh, which he considered himself as clearly 
 entitled to, seeing that it was effected by his own stone 
 pottle. 
 
 The schoolmasters throughout the town gave holiday 
 to their little urchins, who followed in droves after the 
 drums, with paper caps on their heads and sticks in their 
 breeches, thus taking the first lesson in the art of war. 
 As to the sturdy rabble, they thronged at the heels of 
 Peter Stuyvesant wherever he went, waving their greasy 
 hats in the air, and shouting "Hardkoppig Piet for 
 ever 1 " 
 
 It was indeed a day of roaring rout and jubilee. A huge 
 dinner was prepared at the stadthouse in honour of the 
 conquerors, where were assembled, in one glorious constel- 
 lation, the great and little luminaries of New Amsterdam. 
 There were the lordly Schout and his obsequious deputy, 
 the burgomasters with their officious schepens at their 
 elbows, the subaltern officers at the elbows of the 
 
 "This oastle, though very much altered and modernised, is still in 
 being, and stands at the corner of Pearl Street, facing Coentie's Slip. 
 
filS^x'OEY OF NEW TOEK. 
 
 133 
 
 Bcliepens, and so on, down to the lowest hanger-on of 
 police ; every tag having his rag at his side, to finish his 
 pipe, drink off his heel-taps, and laugh at his flights of 
 immortal dulness. In short — for a city feast is a city 
 feast all the world over, and has been a city feast ever 
 since the creation — the dinner went off much the same as 
 do our great corporation junketings and Fourth of July 
 banquets. Loads of fish, flesh, and fowl were devoured, 
 oceans of liquor drunk, thousands of pipes smoked, and 
 many a dull joke honoured with much obstreperous fat- 
 sided laughter. 
 
 I must not omit to mention that to this far-famed 
 victory Peter Stuyvesant was indebted for another of his 
 many titles, for so hugely delighted were the honest 
 burghers with his achievements, that they unanimously 
 honoured him with the name of Pieter de Groodt, that is 
 to say, Peter the Great ; or, as it was translated into 
 English by the people of New Amsterdam, for the benefit 
 of their New England visitors, Piet de ing — an appellation 
 which he maintained even unto the day of his death. 
 
 CONTAINIKG THE THIRD PART OP THE REIGN OP PETEU 
 THE HEADSTRONG — HIS TROUBLES WITH THE BRITISH 
 NATION, AND THE DECLINE AND FALL OP THE DUTCH 
 DYNASTY. 
 
 CHAPTER I. 
 
 The history of the reign of Peter Stuyvesant furnishes 
 an edifying picture of the cares and vexations inseparable 
 from sovereignty, and a solemn warning to all who are 
 ambitious of attaining the seat of honour. Though re- 
 turning in triumph and crowned with victory, his ex- 
 ultation was checked on observing the abuses which had 
 sprung up in New Amsterdam during hi« short absence. 
 His walking-staff, which he had sent home to act as his 
 
134 
 
 HISTORY OF NEW TOEK. 
 
 vicegerent, had, it is true, kept his council-chamber in 
 order ; the counsellors eyeing it with awe as it lay in 
 grim repose upon the table, and smoking their pipes in 
 silence ; but its control extended not out of doors. 
 
 The populace unfortunately had had too much their 
 own way under the slack though fitful reign of William 
 the Testy ; and though upon the accession of Peter 
 Stuyvesant they had felt, with the instinctive perception 
 which mobs as well as cattle possess, that the reigns of 
 government had passed into stronger hands, yet could 
 they not help fretting and chafing and champing upon 
 the bit in restive silence. 
 
 Scarcely, therefore, had he departed on his expedition 
 against the Swedes, than the whole factions of William 
 Kieft's reign had again thrust their heads above water. 
 Pot-house meetings were again held to " discuss the state 
 of the nation," where cobblers, tinkers, and tailors, the 
 self -dubbed " friends of the people," once more felt them- 
 selves inspired with the gift of legislation, and undertook 
 to lecture on every movement of government. 
 
 Now, as Peter Stuyvesant had a singular inclination to 
 govern the province by his individual will, his first move on 
 his return, was to put a stop to this gratuitous legislation. 
 Accordingly, one evening, when an inspired cobbler was 
 holding forth to an assemblage of the kind, the intrepid 
 Peter suddenly made his appearance with his ominous 
 walking-staif in his hand, and a countenance sufficient to 
 petrify a mill-stone. The whole meeting was thrown into 
 confusion — the orator stood aghast, with open mouth and 
 trembling knees, while " Horror ! " " Tyranny I " " Liberty ! " 
 
 Rights 1 " " Taxes ! " " Death I " " Destruction ! " and a host 
 of other patriotic phrases, were bolted forth before he had 
 time to close his lips. Peter took no notice of the skulk- 
 ing throng, but strode up to the brawling, bully-ruffian, 
 and puUinr out a huge silver watch, which might have 
 served in times of yore as a town-clock, and which ia 
 •till retained by his descendants as a family curiosity, 
 
HISTORY OF NEW YORK, 
 
 135 
 
 requested the orator to mend it and set it going. The 
 orator humbly confessed it was utterly out of his power, 
 as he was unacquainted with the nature of its con- 
 struction. " Nay, but," said Peter, " try your ingenuity, 
 man ; you see all the springs and wheels, and how easily 
 the clumsiest hand may stop it, and pull it to pieces, and 
 why should it not be equally easy to regulate as to stop 
 it?" The orator declared that his trade was wholly 
 different — that he was a poor cobbler, and had never 
 meddled with a watch in his life — that there were men 
 skilled in the art whose business it was to attend to those 
 matters, but for his part he should only mar the work- 
 manship, and put the whole in confusion. ""WTiy. 
 harkee, master of mine," cried Peter, turning suddenly 
 upon him with a countenance that almost petrified the 
 pateher of shoes into a perfect lapstone, " dost thou pre- 
 tend to meddle with the movements of government — to 
 regulate, and correct, and patch, and cobble a complicated 
 machine, the principles of which are above thy com- 
 prehension, and its simplest operations too subtle for thy 
 understanding, when thou canst not correct a trifling 
 error in a common piece of mechanism, the whole 
 mystery of which is open to thy inspection ?— Hence with 
 thee to the leather and stone, which are emblems of thy 
 head; cobble thy shoes, and confine thyself to the 
 vocation for which Heaven has fitted thee ; but," elevating 
 his voice until it made the welkin ring, " if ever I catch 
 thee, or any of thy tribe, meddling again with affairs of 
 government, by St. Nicholas, but I'll have every mother's 
 bastard of ye flayed alive, and your hides stretched for 
 drumheads, that ye may thenceforth make a noise to 
 some purpose ! " 
 
 This threat, and the- tremendous voice in which it was 
 uttered, caused the whole multitude to quake with fear. 
 The hair of the orator rose on his head like his own 
 swine's bristles ; and not a knight of the thimble present 
 but his heart died within him. and he felt as though he 
 
136 
 
 HISTOET 01' NEW YOEK. 
 
 could liave verily escaped through the eye of a needle. 
 The asseiably dispersed in silent consternation ; the 
 pseudo-statesmen who had hitherto undertaken to 
 regulate public affairs were now fain to stay at home, 
 hold their tongues, and take care of their families ; and 
 party feuds died away to such a degree, that many 
 thriving keepers of taverns and dram-shops were utterly 
 ruined for want of business. But though this measure 
 produced the desired effect in putting an extinguisher on 
 the new lights just brightening up, yet did it tend to 
 injure the popularity of the great Peter with the thinking 
 part of the community ; that is to say, that part which 
 think for others instead of for themselves ; or, in other 
 words, who attend to everybody's business but their own. 
 These accused the old governor of being highly aristo- 
 cratical, and in truth there seems to have been some ground 
 for such an accusation, for he carried himself with a lofty, 
 soldier-like air, and was somewhat particular in his dress, 
 appearing, when not in uniform, in rich apparel of the 
 antique flaundish cut, and was especially noted for having 
 his sound leg (which was a very comely one) always 
 arrayed in a red stocking and high-heeled shoe. 
 
 Justice he often dispensed in the primitive patriarchal 
 way, seated on the " stoep " before his door, under the 
 shade of a great button-wood tree ; but all visits of 
 form and state were received with something of court 
 ceremony in the best parlour, where Antony thd 
 Trumpeter officiated as high chamberlain. On public 
 occasions he appeared with great pomp of equipage, and 
 always rode to church in a yellow waggon with flaming 
 red wheels. 
 
 These symptoms of state and ceremony, as we have 
 hinted, were much cavilled at by the thinking (and 
 talking) part of the community. They had been ac- 
 customed to find easy access to their former governors, 
 and in particular had lived on terms of extreme inti- 
 mac;/ with William the Testy, and they accused Peter 
 
HISTOEY OF NEW TOBK. 137 
 
 Stnyvesant of assuming too much, dignity and reserve, 
 and of wrajjping himself in mystery. Others, however, 
 have pretended to discover in all this a shrewd policy on 
 the part of the old governor. It is certainly of the first 
 importance, say they, that a country should be governed 
 by wise men ; but then it is almost equally important 
 that the people should think them wise ; for this belief 
 alone can produce willing subordination. To keep up, 
 however, this desirable confidence in rulers, the people 
 should be allowed to see as little of them as possible. It 
 is the mystery which envelopes great men that gives 
 them half their greatness. There is a kind of supersti- 
 tious reverence for office which leads us to exaggerate 
 the merits of the occupant, and to suppose that he must 
 be wiser than common men. He, however, who gains 
 access to cabinets, soon finds out by what foolishness the 
 world is governed. He finds that there is quackery in 
 legislation as in everything else ; that rulers have their 
 whims and errors as well as other men, and are not so 
 wonderfully superior as he had imagined, since even he 
 may occasionally confute them in argument. Thus awe 
 subsides into confidence, confidence inspires familiarity, 
 and familiarity produces contempt. Such was the case, 
 say they, with William the Testy. By making himself 
 too easy of access, he enabled every scrub-politician to 
 measure wits with him, and to find out the true 
 dimensions not only of his person, but of his mind ; and 
 thus it was that, by being familiarly scanned, he was dis- 
 covered to be a very little man. Peter Stuyvesant, on 
 the contrary, say they, by conducting himself with dignity 
 and loftiness, was looked up to with great reverence. 
 As he never gave his reasons for anything he did, the 
 public gave him credit for very profound ones ; every 
 movement, however intrinsically unimportant, was a 
 natter of speculation ; and his very red stockings excited 
 some respect, as being different from the stockings of 
 other men. 
 
138 
 
 HISTORY OF NEW TOEK. 
 
 Another charge againat Peter Stuyvesant was, that he 
 had a great leaning in favour of the patricians ; and, 
 indeed, in his time rose many of those mighty Dutch 
 families which have taken such vigorous root, and 
 branched out bo luxuriantly in our state. Some, to be 
 sure, were of earlier date, such as the Van Kortlandts, 
 the Van Zandts, the Ten Broecks, the Harden Broecks, 
 and others of Pavonian renown, who gloried in the title 
 of "Discoverers," from having been engaged in the 
 nautical expedition from Communipaw, in which they so 
 heroically braved the terrors of Hell-gate and Buttermilk- 
 channel, and discovered a site for New Amsterdam. 
 
 Others claimed to themselves the appellation of 
 Conquerors, from their gallant achievements in New 
 Sweden and their victory over the Yankees at Oyster Bay. 
 Such was that list of warlike worthies heretofore 
 enumerated, beginning with the Van Wycks, the Van 
 Dycks, and the Ten Eycks, and extending to the Rutgers, 
 the Bensons, the Brinkerhoffs, and the Schermerhorns ; a 
 roll equal to the Doomsday Book of William the 
 Conqueror, and establishing the heroic origin of many an 
 ancient aristocratical Dutch family. These, after all, 
 are the only legitimate nobility and lords of the soil ; 
 these are the real " beavers of the Manhattoes ; " and 
 much does it grieve me in modern days to see them 
 elbowed aside by foreign invaders, and more especially 
 by those ingenious people, " the Sons of the Pilgrims ; " 
 who out-bargain them in the market, out-speculate them 
 i-.tt the exchange, out-top them in fortune, and run up 
 mushroom palaces so high, that the tallest Dutch family 
 mansion has not wind enough left for its weather-cock. 
 
 In the proud days of Peter Stuyvesant, however, the 
 good ol 1 Dutch aristocracy loomed out in all its grandeur. 
 The burly burgher, in round-crowned flaunderish hat 
 with brim of vast circumference, in portly gabardine and 
 bulbous multiplicity of breeches, sat on his " stoep " and 
 smoked his pipe in lordly silence ; nor did it ever enter 
 
HISTORY or NEYf YORK. 
 
 139 
 
 his brain that the active, restless Yankee, wh jm he saw 
 through his half-shut eyes worrying about in dog clay 
 heat, ever intent on the main chance, was one day to 
 usurp control over these goodly Dutch domains. Already, 
 however, the races regarded each other with disparaging 
 eye. The Yankees sneeringly spoke of the round- 
 crowned burghers of the Manhattoes as the " Copper- 
 heads ; " while the latter, glorying in their own nether 
 fotundity, and observing the slack galligaskins of their 
 rivals, flapping like an empty sail against the mast, 
 retorted upon them with the opprobrious appellation of 
 " Platter-breeches." 
 
 CHAPTEE II. 
 From what I have recounted in the foregoing chapter, I 
 would not have it imagined that the great Peter was a 
 tyrannical potentate, ruling with a rod of iron. On the 
 contrary, where the dignity of office permitted, he 
 abounded in generosity and condescension. If he refused 
 the brawling multitude the right of misrule, he at least 
 endeavoured to rule them in righteousness. To spread 
 abundance in the land, he obliged the bakers to give 
 thirteen loaves to the dozen — a golden rule which remains 
 a monument of his beneficence. So far from indulging 
 in unreasonable austerity, he delighted to see the poor 
 and the labouring man rejoice ; and for this purpose he 
 was a great promoter of holidaj's. Under his reign there 
 was a great cracking of eggs at Paas or Easter ; Whitsun- 
 tide or Pinxter also floixrished in all its bloom ; and 
 never were stockings better filled on the eve of the blessed 
 St. Nicholas. 
 
 New Year's Day, however, was his favourite festival, 
 and was ushered in by the ringing of bells and firing of 
 guns. On that genial day the fountains of hospitality 
 were broken up, and the whole eommmiity was deluged 
 with cherry-brandy, true hollands, and mulled cider ; 
 every house was a temple to the jolly god ; and many a 
 
1140 
 
 HISTORY OP NEW YOEK. 
 
 ))rovident vagabond got drunk out of pure economy, 
 iisMng in liquor enough gratis to serve Mm half a year 
 ufterwards. 
 
 The great assemblage, however, was at the governor's 
 house, whither repaired all the burghers of New Amster- 
 dam with their wives and daughters, pranked out in 
 l^heir best attire. On this occasion the good Peter was 
 devoutly observant of the pious Dutch rite of kissing 
 1ihe women-kind for a happy new year ; and it is tra- 
 tlitional that Antony the Trumpeter, who acted as 
 gentleman usher, took toll of all who were young and 
 handsome, as they passed through the ante-chamber. 
 ^ This venerable custom, thus happily introduced, was fol- 
 lowed with such zeal by high and low that on New Tear's 
 Day, during the reign of Peter Stuyvesant, New Amster- 
 dam was the most thoroughly be-kissed community in all 
 Christendom. 
 
 Another great measure of Peter Stuyvesant for public 
 improvement was the distribution of fiddles throughout 
 the land. These were placed in the hands of veteran 
 negroes, who were despatched as missionaries to every 
 part of the province. This measure, it is said, was first 
 suggested by Antony the Trumpeter, and the effect was 
 marvellous. Instead of those "indignation meetings" 
 set on foot in the time of William the Testy, where men 
 met together to rail at public abuses, groan over the evils 
 of the times, and make each other miserable, there were 
 joyous gatherings of the two sexes to dance and make 
 merry. Now were instituted " quilting bees," and 
 "husking bees," and other rural assemblages, where, 
 under the inspiring influence of the fiddle, toil was 
 enlivened by gaiety and followed up by the dance. 
 * Raising bees " also were frequent, where houses sprang 
 up at the wagging of the fiddle-stick, as the walls of 
 Thebes sprang up of yore to the sound of the lyre of 
 Amphion. 
 
 Jolly autumn, which pours its treasures over hill and 
 
HISTORY OF NEW YORK. 
 
 141 
 
 dale, was in those days a season for the lifting of the 
 heel as well as the heart ; labour came dancing in the 
 train of abundance, and frolic prevailed throughout the 
 land. Happy days ! when the yeomanry of the Nieuw 
 Nederlands were merry rather than wise ; and when the 
 notes of the fiddle, those harbingers of good humour and, 
 good will, resounded at the close of the day from every 
 hamlet along the Hudson ! 
 
 Nor was it in rural communities alone that Peter 
 Stuyvesant introduced his favourite engine of civilisation. 
 Under his rule the fiddle acquired that potent sway in 
 New Amsterdam which it has ever since retained. 
 Weekly assemblages were held, not in heated ball-rooms 
 at midnight hours, but on Saturday afternoons, by the 
 golden light of the sun, on the green lawn of the Battery ; 
 with Antony the Trumpeter for master of ceremonies. 
 Here would the good Peter take his seat under the 
 spreading trees, among the old burghers and their wives, 
 and watch the mazes of the dance. Here would he smoke 
 his pipe, crack his joke, and forget the rugged toils of 
 war, in the sweet oblivious festivities of peace, giving a 
 nod of approbation to those of the young men who 
 sJiuffled and kicked most vigorously ; and now and then 
 a hearty smack, in all honesty of soul, to the buxom lass 
 who held out longest, and tired down every competitor 
 ~infallible proof of her being the best dancer. 
 
 Once, it is true, the harmony of these meetings was in 
 danger of interruption. A young belle, just returned 
 from a visit to Holland, who of course led the fashions, 
 made her appearance in not more than half-a-dozen 
 petticoats, and these of alarming shortness. A whispei 
 and a flutter ran through the assembly. The young men 
 of course were lost in admiration, but the old ladies were 
 shocked in the extreme, especially those who had marriage- 
 able daughters ; the young ladies blushed and felt exces- 
 sively for the " poor thing," and even the governor him- 
 self appeared to be in some kind of perturbation. 
 
142 
 
 H'ISI'OEY of new YORK. 
 
 To complete the confusion of tne good folk she under, 
 took, in the course of a jig, to describe some figures in 
 algebra taught her by a dancing-master at Rotterdam. 
 Unfortunately, at the highest flourish of her feet, hf( ae 
 vagabond zephyr obtruded his services, and a display 
 of the graces took place, at which all the ladies present 
 were thrown into great consternation ; several grave 
 country members were not a little moved, and the good 
 Peter Stuyvesant himself was grievously scandalised. 
 
 The shortness of the female dresses, which had con- 
 tinued in fashion ever since the days of William Kief t, 
 had long offended his eye ; and though extremely averse 
 to meddling with the petticoats of the ladies, yet he 
 immediately recommended that every one should be 
 furnished with a flounce to the bottom. He likewise 
 ordered that the ladies, and indeed the gentlemen, should 
 use no other step in dancing than " shufiie and turn," 
 and " double trouble ; " and forbade, under pain of his 
 high displeasure, any young lady thenceforth to attempt 
 what was termed " exhibiting the graces." 
 
 These were the only restrictions he ever imposed upon 
 the sex, and these were considered by them as tyrannical 
 oppressions, and resisted with that becoming spirit 
 manifested by the gentle sex whenever their privileges 
 are invaded. In fact, Antony Van Corlear, who, as has 
 been shown, was a sagacious man, experienced in the 
 ways of women, took a private occasion to intimate to 
 the governor that a conspiracy was forming among the 
 young vrouws of New Amsterdam ; and that, if the 
 matter were pushed any further, there was danger of 
 their leaving off petticoats altogether ; whereupon the 
 good Peter shrugged his shoulders, dropped the subject, 
 and ever after suffered the women to wear their petti- 
 coats, and cut their capers as high as they pleased, a 
 privilege which they have jealously maintained in the 
 Manhattoes unto the present day. 
 
HISTORY OF NEW YOEK. 143 
 
 CHAPTER III. 
 In the last two chapters I have regaled the reader with a 
 delectable picture of the good Peter and his metropolis 
 during an interval of peace. It was, however, bat a bit 
 of blue sky in a stormy day ; the clouds are again gather- 
 ing up from all points of the compass, and, if I am not 
 mistaken in my forebodings, we shall have rattling 
 weather in the ensuing chapters. 
 
 It is with some communities, as it is with certain 
 meddlesome individuals — they have a wonderful facility 
 at getting into scrapes ; and I have always remarked that 
 those are most prone to get in who have the least talent 
 at getting out again. This is doubtless owing to the ex- 
 cessive valour of those states ; for I have likewise noticed 
 that this rampant quality is always most frothy and fussy 
 where most confined ; which accounts for its vapouring 
 80 amazingly in little states, little men and ugly little 
 women more especially. 
 
 Such is the case with this little province of the Nieuw 
 Nederlands ; which, by its exceeding valour, has already 
 drawn upon itself a host of enemies ; has had fighting 
 enough to satisfy a province twice its size , and is in a 
 fair way of becoming an exceedingly forlorn, well-bela- 
 boured, and woe-begone little province. All which was 
 providentially ordered to give interest and sublimity to 
 this pathetic history. 
 
 The first interruption to the halcyon quiet of Peter 
 Stuyvesant was caused by hostile intelligence from 
 the old belligerent nest of Rensellaersteen. Killian, 
 the lordly patroon of Rensellaerwick, was again in the 
 field, at the head of his myrmidons of the Helderberg 
 seeking to annex the whole of the Catskill mountains 
 to his domains. The Indian tribes of these mountains 
 had likewise taken up the hatchet, and menaced the 
 venerable Dutch settlement of Esopus. 
 
 Fain would I entertain the reader with the triumphant 
 
144 
 
 HISTOEY OF NEW YORK. 
 
 campaign of Peter Stuyvesant in the haunted regions of 
 those mountains, but that I hold all Indian conflicts to 
 be mere barbaric brawls, unworthy of the pen which ha,8 
 recorded the classic war of Fort Christina ; and as to 
 these Helderberg commotions, they are among the flatu- 
 lencies which from time to time afflict the bowels of this 
 ancient province, as with a wind-colic, and which I deem 
 It seemly and decent to pass over in silence. 
 
 The next storm of trouble was from the south. 
 Scarcely had the worthy Mynheer Beekman got warm in 
 the seat of authority on the South River, than enemies 
 began to spring up all around him. Hard by was a for- 
 midable race of savages inhabiting the gentle region 
 watered by the Susquehanna, of whom the following 
 mention is made by Master Harlot in his excellent his- 
 tory :— 
 
 " The Susquesahanocks are a giantly people, strange in 
 proportion, behaviour, and attire— their voice sounding 
 from them as out of a cave. Their tobacco-pipes were 
 three-quarters of a yard long ; carved at the great end 
 with a bird, beare, or other device, sufficient to beat out 
 -the brains of a horse. The calfe of one of their legges 
 imeasured three-quarters of a yard about ; the rest of the 
 itimbs proportionable." * 
 
 These gigantic savages and smokers caused no little 
 /disquiet in the mind of Mynheer Beekman, threatening 
 •to cause a famine of tobacco in the land ; but his most 
 formidable enemy was the roaring, roistering English 
 icolony of Maryland, or, as it was anciently written, 
 Merryland ; so called because the inhabitants, not having 
 the fear of the Lord before their eyes, were prone to 
 make merry and get fuddled with mint-julep and apple- 
 toddy. They were, moreover, great horse-racers and 
 cock-fighters, mighty wrestlers and jumpers, and enormous 
 consumers of hoe-cake and bacon. They lay claim to be 
 the first inventors of those recondite beverages, cock-tail, 
 * Hariof s Journal, Purch. Pilgrima. 
 
HISTOUT OF NEW YOUK. 
 
 145 
 
 stone-fence, and sherry-cobbler, and to have discovere(?i 
 the gastronomical merits of terrapins, soft crabs, and 
 canvas-back ducks. 
 
 This rantipole colony, founded by Lord Baltimore, «■ 
 British nobleman, was managed by his agent, a swagger 
 ing Englishman, commonly called Fendall, that is t< 
 say, " offend all," a name given him for his bullying pro 
 pensities. These were seen in a message to lilynheei 
 Beekman, threatening him, unless he immediately sworo 
 allegiance to Lord Baltimore as the rightful lord of thu 
 soil, to come at the head of the roaring boys of Merry • 
 land and the giants of the Susquehanna, and sweep hiaj 
 and his Nederlanders out of the country. 
 
 The trusty sword of Peter Stuyvesant almost leaped 
 from its scabbard, when he received missives from 
 Mynheer Beekman, informing him of the swaggering 
 menaces of the bully Fendall ; and as to the giantly 
 warriors of the Susquehanna, nothing would have more 
 delighted him than a bout, hand to hand, with half a 
 score of them, having never encountered a giant in tho 
 whole course of his campaigns, unless we may consider 
 the stout Risingh as such, and he was but a little one. 
 
 Nothing prevented his marching instantly to the Soutl 
 Biver, and enacting scenes still more glorious than thost) 
 of Fort Christina, but the necessity of first putting a sto] > 
 to the increasing aggressions and inroads of the Yankeesi, 
 80 as not to leave an enemy in his rear ; but he wrote tO' 
 Mynheer Beekman to keep up a bold front and stou'i, 
 heart, promising, as soon as he had settled affairs in tho 
 east, that he would hasten to the south with his burly 
 warriors of the Hudson, to lower the crests of the giants 
 and mar the merriment of the Merrylanders. 
 
 CHAPTER IV. 
 To explain the apparentjp^ sudden movement of Pete* 
 Stuyvesant against the crafty men of the East Country, X 
 
146 
 
 HISTORY OV NEW YORK. 
 
 would observe that, during his campaigns on the South 
 Eiver, and in the enchanted regions of the Catskill Moun- 
 tains, the twelve tribes of the East had been more than 
 usually active in prosecuting their subtle scheme for the 
 subjugation of the Meuw Nederlands. 
 
 Independent of the incessant maraudings among hen- 
 roosts and squattings along the border, invading armies 
 would penetrate, from time to time, into the very heart 
 of the country. As their prototypes of yore went forth 
 into the land of Canaan, with their wives and their 
 children, their men-servants and their maid-servants, 
 their iiocks and herds, to settle themselves down in the 
 land and possess it ; so these chosen people of modern 
 days would progress through the country in patriarchal 
 style, conducting carts and waggons laden with house- 
 hold furniture, with women and children piled on top, 
 and pots and kettles dangling beneath. At the tail of 
 these vehicles would stalk a crew of long-limbed, lank- 
 sided varlets with axes on their shoulders, and packs on 
 their backs, resolutely bent upon " locating " themselves, 
 as they termed it, and improving the country. These 
 were the most dangerous kind of invaders. It is true 
 they were guilty of no overt acts of hostility ; but it was 
 notorious that, wherever they got a footing, the honest 
 Dutchmen gradually disappeared, retiring slowly as do 
 the Indians before the white men ; being in some way or 
 other talked and chaffered, and bargained and swapped, 
 and, in plain English, elbowed out of all those rich 
 bottoms and fertile nooks in which our Dutch yeomanry 
 are prone to nestle themselves. 
 
 Peter Stuyvesant was at length roused to this kind ol 
 war in disguise, by which the Yankees were craftily aim- 
 ing to subjugate his dominions. He was a man easily 
 taken in, it is true, as all great-hearted men are apt to be ; 
 but if he once found it out, his wrath was terrible. He 
 now threw diplomacy to the dogs, determined to appear 
 no more by ambassadors, but to repair in person to the 
 
HISTORY OF NEW YORK. 
 
 147 
 
 great coiincil of the Amphictyons, bearing the swonl in 
 one hand and the olive-branch in the other, and giving 
 them their choice of sincere and honest peace, or open and 
 iron war. 
 
 His privy councillors were astonished and dismayed 
 when he announced his determination. For once they 
 ventured to remonstrate, setting forth the rashness of 
 venturing his sacred person in the midst of a strange and 
 barbarous people. They might as well have tried to turn 
 a rusty weather-cock with a broken-winded bellows. lu 
 the fiery heart of the iron-headed Peter sat enthroned the 
 five kinds of courage described by Aristotle, and had the 
 philosopher enumerated five hundred more, I verily believe 
 he would have possessed them all. As to that better part 
 of valour called discretion, it was too cold-blooded a virtue 
 for his tropical temperament. 
 
 Summoning, therefore, to his presence his trusty fol- 
 lower, Antony Van Corlear, he commanded him to hold 
 himself in readiness to accompany him the following 
 morning on this his hazardous enterprise. Now Antony 
 the Trumpeter was by this time a little stricken in years, 
 yet by dint of keeping up a good heart, and having never 
 known, care or sorrow (having never been married), he 
 was still a hearty, jocund, rubicund, gamesome wag. and 
 of great capacity in the doublet. This last was ascribed 
 to his living a jolly life on those domains at the Hook, 
 which Peter Stuyvesant had granted to him for his 
 gallantry at Fort Casimir. 
 
 Be this as it may, there was nothing that more delighted 
 Antony than this command of the great Peter, for he 
 could have followed the stout-hearted old governor to the 
 world's end, with love and loyalty— and he moreover still 
 remembered the frolicking, and dancing, and btmdling 
 and other disports of the east country, and entertained 
 dainty recollection of numerous kind and buxom lasses, 
 •whom he longed exceedingly again to encounter. 
 
 Thus then did this mirror of hardihood set forth, with 
 
148 
 
 HISTOBT OF NEW YORK. 
 
 no other attendant but Ms trumpeter, upon one of the 
 most perilous enterprises ever recorded in the annals of 
 knight-errantry. For a single warrior to venture openly 
 among a whole nation of foes — but, above all, for a plain, 
 downright Dutchman to think of negotiating with the 
 whole council of New England I — ^never was there known 
 a more desperate undertaking I Ever since I have entered 
 upon the chronicles of this peerless, but hitherto uncele- 
 brated, chieftain, has he kept me in a state of incessant 
 action and anxiety with the toils and dangers he is con- 
 stantly encountering. Oh, for a chapter of the tranquil 
 reign of Wouter Van Twiller, that I might repose on it as 
 on a feather-bed 1 
 
 Is it not enough, Peter Stuyvesant, that I have once al- 
 ready rescued thee from the machinations of these terrible 
 Amphictyons, by bringing the powers of witchcraft to 
 thine aid 2 Is it not enough that I have followed thee 
 undaunted, like a guardian spirit, into the midst of the 
 horrid battle of Fort Christina ? That I have been put 
 incessantly to my trumps to keep thee safe and sound — 
 now warding ofE with my single pen the shower of dastard 
 blows that fell upon thy rear — ^now narrowly shielding 
 thee from a deadly thrust by a mere tobacco-box — now 
 casing thy dauntless skull with adamant, when even thy 
 stubborn ram beaver failed to resist the sword of the stout 
 Risingh — and now, not merely bringing thee off alive, but 
 triumphant, from the clutches of the gigantic Swede, by 
 the desperate means of a paltry stone pottle 1 Is not all 
 this enough, but must thou still be plunging into new 
 difficulties, and hazarding in headlong enterprises thyself, 
 thy trumpeter, and thy historian ? 
 
 And now the ruddy-faced Aurora, like a buxom chamber- 
 maid, draws aside the sable curtains of the night, and out 
 bounces from his bed the jolly red-haired Phoebus, startled 
 at being caught so late in the embraces of Dame Thetis. 
 With many a stable-boy oath he harnesses his brazen- 
 footed steeds, and whips, and lashes, and splashes up the 
 
HISTORY OF NEW YOK 
 
 149 
 
 firmament, like a loitering coachman, half-an-honr behind 
 his time. And now behold that imp of fame and prowess, 
 the headstrong Peter, bestriding a raw-boned, switch- 
 tailed charger, gallantly arrayed in full regimentals, and 
 bracing on his thigh that trusty, brass-hilted sword, 
 which had wrought such fearful deeds on the banks of 
 the Delaware. 
 
 Behold hard after him his doughty trumpeter, Van 
 Corlear, mounted on a broken-winded, wall-eyed, calico 
 mare ; his stone pottle, which had laid low the mighty 
 Risingh, slung under his arm ; and his trumpet displayed 
 vauntingly in his right hand, decorated with a gorgeous 
 banner, on which is emblazoned the great beaver of the 
 Manhattoes. See them proudly issuing out of the city 
 gate, like an iron-clad hero of yore, with his faithful 
 squire at his heels ; the populace following with their 
 eyes, and shouting many a parting wish and hearty cheer- 
 ing, Farewell, Hardkoppig Piet ! Farewell, honest 
 Antony ! pleasant be your wayfaring, prosperous your 
 return ! — the stoutest hero that ever drew a sword, and 
 the worthiest trumpeter that ever trod shoe-leather ! 
 
 Legends are lamentably silent about the events (iiat 
 befell our adventurers in this their adventurous travel, 
 excepting the Stuyvesant manuscript, which gives the 
 substance of a pleasant little heroic poem, written on the 
 occasion by Dominie ^gidius Luyck,* who appears to 
 have been the poet laureate of New Amsterdam. This 
 inestimable manuscript assures us that it was a rare 
 spectacle to behold the great Peter and his loyal follower 
 hailing the morning sun, and rejoicing in the clear coun- 
 tenance of Nature, as they pranced it through the pastoral 
 scenes of Bloemen Dael ; which in those days was a sweet 
 and rural valley, beautified with many a bright wild 
 flower, refreshed by many a pure streamlet, and enlivened 
 
 * T}iis Lnyck was, moreover, rector of the Latin School in Nieu-vr 
 Nederlaiids, 1603. There ars two pieces addressed to ^gidius Luyci 
 in D. Selvn's MSS. of poesies, upon liis marriage with Judith Isen- 
 doom. (Old MS.) 
 
150 
 
 HISXOEY OF JTEW YOEK. 
 
 here and there by a delectable little Dutch cottage, 
 sheltered under some sloping hill, and almost buried in 
 embowering trees. 
 
 Now did they enter upon the confines of Connecticut, 
 ■where they encountered many grievous difficulties and 
 perils. At one place they were assailed by a troop of 
 country squires and militia colonels, who, mounted on 
 goodly steeds, hung upon their rear for several miles, 
 harassing them exceedingly with guesses and questions, 
 more especially the worthy Peter, whose silver-chased leg 
 excited not a little marvel. At another place, hard by 
 the renowned town of Stamford, they were set upon by a 
 great and mighty legion of church deacons, who im- 
 periously demanded of them five shillings for travelling 
 on Sunday, and threatened to carry them captive to a 
 neighbouring church, whose steeple peered above the 
 trees ; but these the valiant Peter put to rout with little 
 difficulty, insomuch that they bestrode their canes and 
 galloped off in horrible confusion, leaving their cocked 
 hats behind in the hurry of their flight. But not so 
 easily did he escape from the hands of a crafty man of 
 Pyquag ; who, with undaunted perseverance, and re- 
 peated onsets, fairly bargained him out of his goodly 
 switch-tailed charger, leaving in place thereof a villainous, 
 foundered Narraganset pacer. 
 
 But, maugre all these hardships, they pursued their 
 journey cheerily along the course of the soft flowing 
 Connecticut, whose gentle waves, says the song, roll 
 through many a fertile vale and sunny plain ; now reflect- 
 ing the lofty spires of the bustling city, and now the 
 rural beauties of the humble hamlet ; now echoing with 
 the busy hum of commerce, and now with the cheerful 
 Bong of the peasant. 
 
 At every town would Peter Stuyvesant, who was noted 
 for warlike punctilio, order the sturdy Antony to sound 
 a courteous salutation ; though the manuscript observes 
 that the inhabitants were thrown into great dismay when 
 
HiSTOEY OF NEW YORK. 
 
 151 
 
 they heard of his approach. For the fame of his incom- 
 parable achievements on the Delaware had spread 
 throughout the east country, and they dreaded lest he 
 had come to take vengeance on their manifold trans- 
 gressions. 
 
 But the good Peter rode through these towns with a 
 smiling aspect, waving his hand with inexpressible 
 majesty and condescension ; for he verliy believed that 
 the old clothes which these ingenious people had thrust 
 into their broken windows, and the festoons of dried 
 apples and peaches which ornamented the fronts of their 
 houses, were so many decorations in honour of his ap- 
 proach, as it was the custom in the days of chivalry to 
 compliment renowned heroes by sumptuous displays of 
 tapestry and gorgeous furniture. The women crowded 
 to the doors to gaze upon him as he passed, so much does 
 prowess in arms delight the gentle sex. The little child- 
 ren, too, ran after him in troops, staring with wonder at 
 his regimentals, his brimstone breeches, and the silver gar- 
 niture of his wooden leg. Nor must I omit to mention 
 the joy which many strapping wenches betrayed at be- 
 holding the jovial Van Corlear, who had whilom de- 
 lighted them so much with his trumpet, when he bore 
 the great Peter's challenge to the Amphictyons. Th« 
 kind-hearted Antony alighted from his calico mare, and 
 kissed them all with infinite loving kindness, and was 
 right pleased to see a crew of little trumpeters crowding 
 round him for his blessing, each of whom he patted on 
 the head, bade him be a good boy, and gave him a penny 
 to buy molasses candy. 
 
 CHAPTER V. 
 Now so it happened, that while the great and good Peter 
 Stuyvesant, followed by his trusty squire, was making 
 his chivalric progress through the east country, a dark 
 and direful scheme of war against his beloved provinoa 
 
15? 
 
 HISTOE"i: OF NEW TOEK. 
 
 was forming in tliat nursery of monstrous projects, the 
 British Cabinet. 
 
 This, we are confidently informed, was the result of 
 the secret instigations of the great council of the league ; 
 who, finding themselves totally incompetent to vie in 
 arms with the heavy-sterned warriors of the Manhattoes 
 and their iron-headed commander, sent emissaries to the 
 British Government, setting forth in eloquent language 
 the wonders and delights of this delicious little Dutch 
 Canaan, and imploring that a force might be sent out to 
 invade it by sea, while they should co-operate by land. 
 
 These emissaries arrived at a critical juncture, just as 
 the British Lion was beginning to bristle up his mane 
 and wag his tail ; for we are assured by the anonymous 
 writer of the Stuyvesant manuscript that the astounding 
 victory of Peter Stuyvesant at Fort Christina had re- 
 sounded throughout Europe, and his annexation of the 
 territory of New Sweden had awakened the jealousy of 
 the British Cabinet for their wild lands at the south. 
 This jealousy was brought to a head by the representa- 
 tions of Lord Baltimore, who declared that the territory 
 thus annexed lay within the lands granted to him by the 
 British Crown, and he claimed to be protected in his 
 rights. Lord Sterling, another British subject, claimed 
 the whole of Nassau, or Long Island, once the Ophir of 
 William the Testy, but now the kitchen- garden of the 
 Manhattoes, which he declared to be British territory by 
 the right of discovery, but unjustly usurped by the 
 Nederlanders. 
 
 The result of all these rumours and representations 
 was a sudden zeal on the part of his Majesty Charles- the 
 Second for the safety and well-being of his transatlantic 
 possessions, and especially for the recovery of the New 
 Netherlands, which Yankee logic had, somehow or other, 
 proved to be a continuity of the territory taken posses- 
 Bion of for the British Crown by the pilgrims when 
 they landed on Plymouth Rock, fugitives from British 
 
HISTORY OF NEW YORK. 
 
 153 
 
 oppression. All this goodly land, thus wrongfully held 
 by the Dutchmen, he presented, in a fit of affection, to his 
 brother the Duke of York, a donation truly royal, since 
 none but great sovereigns have a right to give away what 
 does not belong to them. That this munificent gift 
 might not be merely nominal, his Majesty ordered that 
 an armament should be straightway despatched to invade 
 the city of New Amsterdam by land and water, and put 
 his brother in complete possession of the premises. 
 
 Thus critically situated are the affairs of the New 
 Nederlanders. While the honest burghers are smoking 
 their pipes in sober security, and the privy councillors 
 are snoring in the council chamber, while Peter the 
 Headstrong is undauntedly making his way through the 
 east country, in the confident hope by honest words and 
 manly deeds to bring the grand council to terms, a hostile 
 fleet is sweeping like a thunder-cloud across the Atlantic, 
 soon to rattle a storm of war about the ears of the 
 dozing Nederlanders, and to put the mettle of their 
 governor to the trial. 
 
 But come what may, I here pledge my veracity that 
 in all warlike conflicts and doubtful perplexities he will 
 ever acquit himself like a gallant, noble-minded, obstinate 
 old cavalier. Forward, then, to the charge ! Shine out, 
 propitious stars, on the renowned city of the Man- 
 hattoes ; and the blessing of St. Nicholas go with thee, 
 honest Peter Stuyvesant. 
 
 CHAPTER VI. 
 Great nations resemble great men in this particular, 
 that their greatness is seldom known until they get in 
 trouble ; adversity, therefore, has been wisely denominated 
 the ordeal of true greatness, which, like gold, can never 
 receive its real estimation until it has passed through 
 the furnace. In proportion, therefore, as a nation, a 
 
154 
 
 HISTORY OF NEW TOEK:. 
 
 commiinity, or an individual (possessing the inherent 
 quality of greatness) is involved in perils and misfortunes, 
 in proportion does it rise in grandeur ; and even when 
 sinking under calamity, makes, like a house on fire, a 
 more glorious display than ever it did in the fairest- 
 period of its prosperity. 
 
 The vast Empire of China, though teeming vrith popu- 
 lation and imbibing and concentrating the virealth of 
 nations, has vegetated through a succession of drowsy 
 ages ; and were it not for its internal revolution, and the- 
 subversion of its ancient government by the Tartars, 
 might have presented nothing but a dull detail of 
 monotonous prosperity. Pompeii and Herculaneum might 
 have passed into oblivion, with a herd of their contem- 
 poraries, had they not been fortunately overwhelmed 
 by a volcano. The renowned city of Troy acquired 
 celebrity only from its ten years' distress and final con- 
 flagration. Paris rose in importance by the plots and 
 massacres which ended in the exaltation of Napoleon ; 
 and even the mighty London has skulked through the 
 records of time, celebrated for nothing of moment ex- 
 cepting the Plague, the G-reat Fire, and Guy Faux's 
 Gunpowder Plot I Thus cities and empires creep along, 
 enlarging in silent obscurity, until they burst forth 
 in some tremendous calamity, and snatch, as it were, 
 immortality from the explosion. 
 
 The above principle being admitted, my reader will 
 plainly perceive that the city of New Amsterdam and its 
 dependent province are on the high road to greatness. 
 Dangers and hostilities threaten from every side, and it 
 is really a matter of astonishment how so small a State 
 has been able in so short a time to entangle itself in so 
 many difficulties. Ever since the province was first 
 taken by the nose, at the Fort of Good Hope, in the 
 tranquil days of Wouter Van Twiller, has it been 
 gradually increasing in historic importance ; and never 
 could it have had a more appropriate chieftain to 
 
HISTORY OF NEW YORK. 
 
 155 
 
 oonduct it to the pinnacle of grandeur than Pet-er 
 Stnyvesant. 
 
 This truly headstrong hero having successfully effected 
 his daring progress through the east country, girded up 
 his loins as he approached Boston, and prepared for the 
 fjrand onslaught with the Amphictyons, which was to 
 the crowning achievement of the campaign. Throwing- 
 Antony Van Corlear, who, with his calico mare, formed 
 his escort and army, a little in the advance, and bidding 
 him be of stout heart and great wind, he placed himself 
 firmly in his saddle, cocked his hat more fiercely over his 
 left eye, summoned all the heroism of his soul into his 
 countenance, and, with one arm a-kimbo, the hand 
 resting on the pommel of his sword, rode into the great 
 metropolis of the league, Antony sounding his trumpet 
 before him in a manner to electrify the whole com- 
 munity. 
 
 Never was there such a stir in Boston as on this oc- 
 casion ; never such a hurrying hither and thither about 
 the streets ; such popping of heads out of windows ; such 
 gathering of knots in market-places. Pet«r Stuyvesant 
 was a straightforward man, and prone to do everything 
 above board. He would have ridden at once to the great 
 council-house of the league and sounded a parley ; but 
 the grand council knew the mettlesome hero they had to 
 deal with, and were not for doing things in a hurry. On 
 the contrary, they sent forth deputations to meet him on 
 the way, to receive him in a style befitting the great 
 potentate of the Manhattoes, and to multiply all kinds of 
 honours, and ceremonies, and formalities, and other 
 courteous impediments in his path. Solemn banquets 
 were accordingly given him, equal to thanksgiving 
 feasts. Complimentary speeches were made him, wherein 
 he was entertained with the surpassing virtues, long 
 suiferings, and achievements of the Pilgrim Fathers ; and 
 it is even said he was treated to a sight of Plymoutlj 
 Rock, that great corner-stone of Yankee empire. 
 
156 
 
 HISTORY OF NEW YOEK. 
 
 I will not detain my readers by recounting tlie endless 
 devices by wbich. time was wasted, and obstacles and 
 delays multiplied to the infinite annoyance of the im- 
 patient Peter. Neither will I fatigue them by dwelling 
 on Ms negotiations with the grand council, when he at 
 length brought them to business. Suffice it to say, it 
 was like most other diplomatic negotiations ; a great 
 deal was said and very little done ; one conversation led 
 to another ; one conference begot misunderstandings 
 which it took a dozen conferences to explain, at the end 
 of which both parties found themselves just where they 
 had begun, but ten times less likely to come to an agree- 
 ment. 
 
 In the midst of these perplexities, which bewildered 
 the brain and incensed the ire of honest Peter, he received 
 private intelligence of the dark conspiracy matured in 
 the British Cabinet, with the astounding fact that a 
 British squadron was already on the way to invade New 
 Amsterdam by sea, and that the grand council of 
 Amphictyons, while thus beguiling him with subtleties, 
 were actually prepared to co-operate by land ! 
 
 Oh ! how did the sturdy old warrior rage and roar 
 when he found himself thus entrapped, like a lion in the 
 hunter's toil ! Now did he draw his trusty sword, and 
 determine to break in upon the council of the Amphic- 
 tyons, and put every mother's son of them to death. 
 Now did he resolve to fight his way throughout all the 
 regions of the east, and to lay waste Connecticut river. 
 
 G-allant, but unfortunate Peter ! Did I not enter with 
 sad forebodings on this ill-starred expedition ? Did I not 
 tremble when I saw thee, with no other councillor than 
 thine own head ; no other armour but an honest tongue, 
 a spotless conscience, and a rusty sword ; no other pro- 
 tector but St. Nicholas, and no other attendant but a 
 trumpeter — did I not tremble when I beheld thee thus 
 sally forth to contend with all the knowing powers of 
 New England 1 
 
HISTORY OF NEW TORE. 
 
 157 
 
 It was a long time before the kind-hearted expostula- 
 tions of Antony Van Corlear, aided by the soothing 
 melody of his trumpet, could lower the spirits of Peter 
 Stuyvesant from their warlike and vindictive tone, and 
 prevent his making widows and orphans of half the 
 population of Boston. With great diificulty he was pie- 
 vaiied upon to bottle up his wrath for the present ; to 
 conceal from the council his knowledge of their machina- 
 tions ; and by effecting his escape, to be able to arrive 
 in time for the salvation of the Manhattoes. 
 
 The latter suggestion awakened a new ray of hope in 
 his bosom ; he forthwith despatched a secret message to 
 his councillors at New Amsterdam, apprising them of 
 their danger, and commanding them to put the city in 
 a posture of defence, promising to come as soon a? 
 possible to their assistance. This done he felt marveh 
 lously relieved, rose slowly, shook himself like a 
 rhinoceros, and issued forth from his den, in much tha 
 same manner as G-iant Despair is described to have issued, 
 from Doubting Castle, in the chivalric history of the 
 Pilgrim's Progress. 
 
 And now much does it grieve me that I must leave the 
 gallant Peter in this imminent jeopardy ; but it behoves, 
 us to 'hurry back and see what is going on at New 
 Amsterdam, for greatly do I fear that city is already in 
 a turmoil. Such was ever the fate of Peter Stuyvesant ; 
 while doing one thing with heart and soul he was too 
 apt to leave everything else at sixes and sevens. While, 
 like a potentate of yore, he was absent attending to those 
 things in person which in modern days are trusted to 
 generals and ambassadors, his little territory at home was 
 sure to get in an uproar ; — all which was owing to 
 that uncommon strength of intellect which induced him 
 to trust to nobody but himself, and which had acquired 
 him the renowned appellation of Peter the Headstrong. 
 
HISTOEY OF NEW YOKE. 
 
 CHAPTER VII. 
 IPheee is no sight more truly interesting to a philosopher 
 i han a oonamtinity where every individual has a voice in 
 )(ublic affairs ; where every individual considers himself 
 Ihe Atlas of the nation ; and where every individual 
 thinks it his duty to bestir himself for the good of hia 
 (jountry — I say. there is nothing more interesting to a 
 ])hilosopher than such a community in a sudden bustle of 
 war. Such clamour of tongues — such patriotic bawling 
 — such running hither and thither — everybody in a 
 hurry — everybody in trouble — everybody in the way, and 
 everybody interrupting his neighbour — who is busily em- 
 ployed in doing nothing ! It is like witnessing a great 
 fire, where the whole community are agog — some drag- 
 ging about empty engines, others scampering with full 
 buckets, and spilling the contents into their neighbours' 
 boots, and others ringing the church bells all night, by 
 way of putting out the fire. Little firemen, like sturdy 
 little knights storming a breach, clamberiag up and down 
 scaling-ladders, and bawling through tin trumpets, by 
 ir&j of directing the attack. Here a fellow, in his great 
 jeal to save the property of the imfortunate, catches up 
 I ome article of no value, and gallants it off with an air 
 nf as much self-importance as if he had rescued a pot 
 • if money ; there another throws looking-glasses and china 
 ' rat of the window, to save them from the flames ; whilst 
 nhose who can do nothing else run up and down bhe streets, 
 i seeping up an incessant cry of " Fire ! fire ! fire ! " 
 
 "When the news arrived at Sinope," sayg Lucian — 
 «5hough I own the story is rather trite — "that Philip was 
 about to attack them, the inhabitants were thrown into 
 a violent alarm. Some ran to furbish up their arms ; 
 others rolled stones to build up the walls ; everybody, in 
 short, was employed, and everybody in the way of hia 
 neighbour. Diogenes alone could find nothing to do ; 
 whereupon, not to be idle when the welfare of his coimtrt 
 
HISTOEY OF NEW YORK. 
 
 159 
 
 was at, stake, tie tucked up his robe, and fell to rollinf 
 his tub with might and main up and down the Gymaa 
 sium." In like manner did every mother's son in th( 
 patriotic community of Xew Amsterdam, on receivinji 
 the missives of Peter Stuyvesant, busy himself mos'! 
 mightily in putting things in confusion, and assistinfj 
 the general uproar. " Every man," saith the Stuyvesan'; 
 manuscript, " flew to arms ! " by which is meant thad 
 not one of our honest Dutch citizens would venture ti » 
 church or to market without an old-fashioned spit of n 
 sword dangling at his side, and a long Dutch fowling- 
 piece on his shoulder; nor would he go out of a night 
 without a lantern, nor turn a corner without first peep- 
 ing cautiously round, lest he should come unawares upon 
 a British army ; and we are informed that Stoffel Brinker- 
 hoff, who was considered by the old women almost as 
 brave a man as the governor himself, actually had two 
 one-pound swivels mounted in his entry, one pointing out 
 at the front door, and the other at the back. 
 
 But the most strenuous measure resorted to on this 
 awful occasion, and one which has since been found 
 of wonderful efficacy, was to assemble popular meetings. 
 These brawling convocations, I have already shown, wer< 
 extremely offensive to Peter Stuyvesant ; but as this wai 
 a moment of unusual agitation, and as the old governor 
 was not present to repress them, they broke out with in 
 tolerable violence. Hither, therefore, the orators an</ 
 politicians repaired, striving who should bawl loudest 
 and exceed the others in hyperbolical bursts of patriotism , 
 and in resolutions to uphold and defend the government. 
 In these sage meetings it was resolved that they were thj 
 most enlightened, the most dignified, the most formidable, 
 and the most ancient community upon the face of the 
 earth. This resolution being carried unanimously, 
 another was immediately proposed — whether it were not 
 possible and politic to exterminate Great Britain ? upon 
 which sixty-nine members spoke in the affirmative, and 
 
1160 
 
 HISTORY OF NEW YORK. 
 
 I inly one arose to suggest some doubts, who, as a punish- 
 jaent for his treasonable presumption, was immediately 
 neized by the mob, and tarred and feathered, which 
 (punishment being equivalent to the Tarpeian Rock, he 
 was afterwards considered as an outcast from society, and 
 his opinion went for nothing. The question, therefore, 
 being unanimously carried in the affirmative, it was 
 icecommended to the grand council to pass it into a law ; 
 srhich was accordingly done. By this measure the hearts 
 of the people at large were wonderfully encouraged, and 
 ijhey waxed exceeding choleric and valorous. Indeed, the 
 first paroxysm of alarm having in some measure subsided, 
 the old women having buried all the money they could 
 lay their hands on, and their husbands daily getting 
 fuddled-with what was left, the community began even 
 to stand on the offensive. Songs were manufactured in 
 Low Dutch, and sung about the streets, wherein the Eng- 
 lish were most woefully beaten, and shown no quarter ; 
 f,nd popular addresses were made, wherein it was proved 
 tio a certainty that the fate of Old England depended 
 upon the will' of the New Amsterdammers. 
 
 Finally, to strike a violent blow at the very vitals of Great 
 Britain, a multitude of the wiser inhabitants assembled, 
 ind having purchased all the British manufactures, they 
 jould find, they made thereof a huge bonfire ; and in the 
 patriotic glow of the moment, every man present who 
 dad a hat or breeches of English workmanship pulled it 
 5ff, and threw it into the flames, to the irreparable detri- 
 ment, loss, and ruin ol the English manufacturers I In 
 sommemoration of this great exploit they erected a pole 
 on the spot, with a device on the top intended to repre- 
 sent the province of Nieuw Nederlands destroying Great 
 Britain, under the similitude of an eagle picking the 
 little island of Old England out of the globe ; but either 
 through the unskilf ulness of the sculptor, or his ill-timed 
 waggery, it bore a striking resemblance to a goose vainly 
 striving to get hold of a dumpling. 
 
HISTOSY OF NEW YOKX. 
 
 161 
 
 CHAPTER VIII. 
 It will need but little penetration in any one conversant 
 with the ways of that wise but windy pottmtat*, the 
 soTereign people, to discover that notwithstanding all the 
 warlike bluster and bustle of the last chapter, the city 
 of New Amsterdam was not a whit more prepared for 
 war than before. The privy councillors of Peter Stuyve- 
 sant were aware of this ; and, having received his private 
 orders to put the city in an immediate posture of defence, 
 they called a meeting of the oldest and richest burghers 
 to assist them with their wisdom. These were of that 
 order of citizens commonly termed " men of the greatest 
 weight in the community ; " their weight being estimated 
 by the heaviness of their heads and of their purses. Their 
 wisdom in fact is apt to be of a ponderous kind, and to 
 hang like a millstone round the neck of the community. 
 
 Two things were unanimously determined in this 
 assembly of venerables : first, that the city required to 
 be put in a state of defence ; and second, that, as the 
 danger was imminent, there should be no time lost : 
 which points being settled, they fell to making long 
 speeches, and belabouring one another in endless and 
 intemperate disputes. For about this time was this 
 unhappy city first visited by that talking endemic so 
 prevalent in this country, and which so invariably 
 evinces itself wherever a number of wise men assemble? 
 together, breaking out in long windy speeches ; caused, 
 as physicians suppose, by the foul air which is ever 
 generated in a crowd. Now it was, moreover, that they 
 first introduced the ingenious method of measuring the 
 merits of an harangue by the hour-glass, he being con- 
 sidered the ablest orator who spoke longest on a question. 
 For which excellent invention, it is recorded, we are 
 indebted to the same profound Dutch critic who judged 
 of books by their size. 
 
 This sudden passion for endless harangues, so little 
 
162 
 
 HISTORY OF NEW YORK. 
 
 consonant with the customary gravity and taciturnity of 
 our sage forefathers, was supposed by certain philosophers 
 to have been imbibed, together with divers other 
 barbarous propensities, from their savage neighbours, 
 who were peculiarly noted for long talks and council 
 fires, and never undertook any aifair of the least import- 
 ance without previous debates and harangues among 
 their chiefs and old men. But the real cause was, that 
 the people, in electing their representatives to the grand 
 council, were particular in choosing them for their 
 talents at talking, without inquiring whether they 
 possessed the more rare, difficult, and oft-times important 
 talent of holding their tongues. The consequence was, 
 that this deliberative body was composed of the most 
 loquacious men in the community. As they considered 
 themselves placed there to talk, every man concluded 
 that his duty to his constituents, and, what is more, his 
 popularity with them, required that he should harangue 
 on every subject, whether he understood it or not. There 
 was an ancient mode of burying a chieftain, by every 
 soldier throwing his shield full of earth on the corpse, 
 until a mighty mound was formed ; so, whenever a 
 question was brought forward in this assembly, every 
 member pressing forward to throw on his quantum of 
 wisdom, the subject was quickly buried under a mountain 
 of words. 
 
 We are told that disciples on entering the school of 
 Pythagoras were for two years enjoined silence, and for- 
 bidden either to ask questions or make remarks. After 
 they had thus acquired the inestimable art of holding 
 their tongues they were gradually permitted to make in- 
 quiries, and finally to communicate their own opinions. 
 
 With what a beneficial effect could this wise regula- 
 tion of Pythagoras be introduced in modern legislative 
 bodies — and how wonderfully would it have tended to 
 expedite business in the grand council of the Manhattoea. 
 
 At this perilous juncture the fatal word economy, 
 
HISTORY OF NEW YOBK. j(!3 
 
 the stumbling-block of William the Testy, bad been 
 once more set afloat, according to which the cheapest 
 plan of defence was insisted upon as the best ; it being 
 deemed a great stroke of policy in furnishing i)owder to 
 economise in ball. 
 
 Thus did Dame Wisdom (whom the wags of antiquity 
 have humorously personified as a woman) seem to take 
 a mischievous pleasure in jilting the venerable council- 
 lors of New Amsterdam. To add to the confusion, the 
 old factions of Short Pipes and Long Pipes, which had 
 been almost strangled by the Herculean grasp of Peter 
 Stuyvesant, now sprang up with tenfold vigour. AVhat- 
 ever was proposed by a Short Pipe was opposed by the 
 whole tribe of Long Pipes, who, like true partisans, 
 deemed it their first duty to effect the downfall of their 
 rivals, their second to elevate themselves, and their 
 third to consult the public good ; though many left 
 the third consideration out of question altogether. 
 
 In this great collision of hard heads it is astonishing 
 the number of projects that were struck out ; projects 
 which threw the windmill system of William the Testy 
 completely in the background. These were almost 
 uniformly opposed by the " men of the greatest weight 
 in the community ;" your weighty men, though slow to 
 devise, being always great at "negativing." Among 
 these were a set of fat, self-important old burghers, who 
 smoked their pipes, and said nothing except to negative 
 every plan of defence proposed. These were that class 
 of " conservatives " who, having amassed a fortune, 
 button up their pockets, shut their mouths, sink, as it 
 were, into themselves, and pass the rest of their lives 
 in the indwelling beatitude of conscious wealth ; as 
 some phlegmatic oyster, having swallowed a pearl, closes 
 its shell, sinks in the mud, and devotes the rest of its 
 life to the conservation of its treasure. Every plan of 
 defence seemed to these worthy old gentlemen pregnant 
 with ruin. An armed force was a legion of locus fca 
 
164 
 
 HISTOEY OF NEW TOEK, 
 
 ipreying upon the public property; to fit out a naval 
 innament was to throw their money into the Bea ; to 
 build fortifications was to bury it in the dirt. In short, 
 fchey settled it as a sovereign maxim, so long as their 
 pockets were full, no matter how much they were 
 drubbed. A kick left no scar ; a broken head cured 
 Itself; but an empty purse was of all maladies the 
 slowest to heal, and one in which nature did nothing for 
 the patient. 
 
 Thus did this venerable assembly of sages lavish awaj 
 that time, which the urgency of affairs rendered invalu- 
 able, in empty brawls and long-winded speeches, without 
 ever agreeing, except on the point with which they started, 
 namely, that there was no time to be lost, and delay was 
 ruinous. At length, St. Nicholas taking compassion on 
 their distracted situation, and anxious to preserve them 
 from anarchy, so ordered, that in the midst of one of 
 their most noisy debates on the subject of fortification 
 and defence, when they had nearly fallen to loggerheads 
 in consequence of not being able to convince each other, 
 the question was happily settled by the sudden entrance 
 '^f a messenger, who informed them that a hostile fleet 
 aad arrived, and was actually advancing up the bay ! 
 
 CHAPTER IX. 
 CiKE as an assemblage of belligerent cats, gibbering 
 and caterwauling, eyeing one another with hideoua 
 grimaces and contortions, spitting in each other's faces, 
 and on the point of a general clapper-clawing, are 
 suddenly put to scampering rout and confusion by the 
 appearance of a house-dog, so was the no less vociferous 
 council of New Amsterdam amazed, astounded, and 
 totally dispersed by the sudden arrival of the enemy. 
 Every member waddled home as fast as his short legs 
 could carry him, wheezing as he went with corpulency 
 and terror. Arrived at his castle, he barricaded the 
 
HISTORY OF NEW YORK. 
 
 165 
 
 Btreet-door, and buried Mmself in the cider-cellar, with- 
 out venturing to peep out, lest Le should have his head 
 carried off by a cannon ball. 
 
 The sovereign people crowded into the market-place, 
 herding together with the instinct of sheep, who seek 
 safety in each other's company when the shepherd and 
 his dog are absent, and the wolf is prowling round the 
 fold. Far from finding relief, however, they only 
 increased each other's terrors. Bach man looked rue- 
 fully in his neighbour's face, in search of encouragement, 
 but only found in its woe-begone lineaments a confirma- 
 tion of his own dismay. Not a word now was to be 
 heard of conquering Great Britain, not a whisper about 
 the sovereign virtues of economy — while the old women 
 heightened the general gloom by clamorously bewailing 
 their fate, and calling for protection on St. Nicholas and 
 Peter Stuyvesant. 
 
 Oh, how did they bewail the absence of the lion-hearted 
 Peter ! and how did they long for the comforting presence 
 of Antony Van Corlear I Indeed a gloomy uncertainty 
 hung over the fate of these adventurous heroes. Day 
 after day had elapsed since the alarming message from 
 the governor without bringing any further tidings of 
 his safety. Many a fearful conjecture was hazarded as 
 to what had befallen him and his loyal squire. Had they 
 not been devoured alive by the cannibals of Marblehead 
 and Cape Cod ? Had they not been put to the question 
 by the great council of Amphictyons ? Had they not 
 been smothered in onions by the terrible men of Pyquag? 
 In the midst of this consternation and perplexity, when 
 horror, like a mighty nightmare, sat brooding upon the 
 little, fat, plethoric city of New Amsterdam, the ears of 
 the multitude were suddenly startled by the distant 
 sound of a trumpet ; — it approached — it grew louder and 
 louder — and now it resounded at the city gate. The 
 public could not be mistaken in the well-known sound ; 
 a shout of joy burst from their lips as the gallant Peter., 
 
166 
 
 HISTORY OF NEW YORK. 
 
 covered with dust, and followed by his faithful trumpeter^ 
 came galloping into the market-place. 
 
 The first transports of the populace having subsided, 
 they gathered round the honest Antony, as he dis- 
 mounted, overwhelming him with greetings and con- 
 gratulations. In breathless accents, he related to them 
 the marvellous adventures through which the old 
 governor and himself had gone, in making their escape 
 from the clutches of the terrible Amphictyons. But 
 though the Stuyvesant manuscript, with its customary 
 minuteness where anything touching the great Peter 
 is concerned, is very particular as to the incidents 
 of this masterly retreat, the state of the public affairs 
 will not allow me to indulge in a full recital thereof. 
 Let it suffice to say, that, while Peter Stuyvesant was 
 anxiously revolving in his mind how he could make good 
 his escape with honour and dignity, certain of the ships 
 sent out for the conquest of the Manhattoes touched at 
 the eastern ports to obtain supplies, and to call on the 
 grand council of the league for its promised co-operation. 
 Upon hearing of this, the vigilant Peter, perceiving that 
 a moment's delay were fatal, made a secret and precipi- 
 tate decampment, though much did it grieve his lofty 
 soul to be obliged to turn his back even upon a nation of 
 foes. Many hair-breadth 'scapes and divers perilous 
 mishaps did they sustain, as they scoured, without sound 
 of trumpet, through the fair regions of the east. Already 
 was the country in an uproar with hostile preparation, 
 and they were obliged to take a large circuit in their 
 flight, lurking along through the woody mountains of 
 the Devil's Backbone ; whence the valiant Peter sallied 
 forth, one day like a lion, and put to rout a whole legion 
 of squatters, consisting of three generations of a prolific 
 family, who were already on their way to take possession 
 of some corner of the New Netherlands. Nay, the faith- 
 ful Antony had great difficulty, at sundry times, to 
 prevent him, in the excess of his wrath, from descending 
 
HISTORY OF NEW YORK. 
 
 167 
 
 down from the mountains, and falling, sword in hand, 
 apon certain of the border-towns, who were marshalling 
 forth their draggle-tailed militia. 
 
 The iirst movement of the governor, on reaching his 
 dwelling, was to mount the roof, whence he contemplated 
 with rueful aspect the hostile squadron. This had 
 already come to anchor in the bay, and consisted of two 
 stout frigates, having on board, as John Josselyn, gent., 
 informs us, " three hundred valiant red coats." Having 
 taken this survey, he sat himself down, and wrote an 
 epistle to the commander, demanding the reason of his 
 anchoring in the harbour without obtaining previous 
 permission so to do. This letter was couched in the most 
 dignified and courteous terms, though I have it from 
 undoubted authority that his teeth were clinched, and he 
 had a bitter sardonic grin upon his visage all the while 
 he wrote. Having despatched his letter, the grim Peter 
 stumped to and fro about the town, with a most war- 
 betokening countenance, his hands thrust into his 
 breeches pockets, and whistling a low Dutch psalm-tune, 
 which bore no small resemblance to the music of a north- 
 east wind, when a storm is brewing. The very dogs, as 
 they eyed him, skulked away in dismay ; while all the 
 old and ugly vi^omen of New Amsterdam ran howling at 
 his heels, imploring him to save them from murder, 
 robbery, and pitiless ravishment 1 
 
 The reply of Colonel Nichols, who commanded the in- 
 vaders, was couched in terms of equal courtesy with the 
 letter of the governor, declaring the right and title of 
 his British Majesty to the province, where he affirmed 
 the Dutch to be mere interlopers ; and demanding that 
 the town, forts, &c., should be forthwith rendered into 
 his majesty's obedience and protection ; promising, at the 
 same time, life, liberty, estate, and free trade, to every 
 Dutch denizen who should readily submit to his Majesty's 
 government. 
 
 Peter Stuyvesant read over this friendly epistle with 
 
168 
 
 HISTOEV OF NEW TOSK. 
 
 some such harmony of aspect as we may suppose a crusty 
 farmer reads the loving letter of John Stiles, warning 
 him of an action of ejectment. He was not. howevar, to 
 be taken by surprise ; but, thrusting the summons into 
 his breeches pocket, stalked three times across the room, 
 took a pinch of snuif with great vehemence, and then, 
 loftily waving his hand, promised to send an answer the 
 next morning. He now summoned a general meeting 
 of his privy councillors and burgomasters, not to ask 
 their advice, for confident in his own strong head, he 
 needed no man's counsel, but apparently to give them a 
 piece of his mind on their late craven conduct. 
 
 His orders being duly promulgated, it was a piteous 
 sight to behold the late valiant burgomasters, who had 
 demolished the whole British empire in their harangues, • 
 peeping rtie fully out of their hiding-places ; crawling 
 cautiously forth ; dodging through narrow lanes and 
 alleys ; starting at every little dog that barked ; mis- 
 taking lamp-posts for British grenadiers ; and, in the 
 excess of their panic, metamorphosing pumps into 
 formidable soldiers, levelling blunderbusses at their 
 bosoms I Having, however, in despite of numerous 
 'perils and difficulties of the kind, arrived safe, with- 
 iDut the loss of a single man, at the hall of assembly, 
 they took their seats, and awaited in fearful silence 
 the arrival of the governor. In a few moments the 
 wooden leg of the intrepid Peter was heard in regular 
 and stout-hearted thumps upon the staircase. He entered 
 the chamber, arrayed in full suit of regimentals, and 
 ■carrying Ms trusty toledo, not girded on his thigh, but 
 itucked under his arm. As the governor never equipped 
 !himself in this portentous manner unless something of 
 martial nature were working within his pericranium, his 
 council regarded him ruefully, as if they saw fire and 
 sword in his iron countenance, and forgot to light their 
 pipes in breathless suspense. 
 
 Hia first words were to rate his council soundly for 
 
HISTOKT OP NEW YORK. 
 
 169 
 
 having wasted in idle debate and party feud the time 
 which shoiTld have been devoted to putting the city in a 
 state of defence. He was particularly indignant at those 
 brawlers who had disgraced the councils of the province 
 by empty bickerings and scurrilous invectives against an 
 absent enemy. He now called upon them to make good 
 their words by deeds, as the enemy they had defied and 
 derided was at the gate. Finally, he informed them of 
 the summons he had received to surrender, but concluded 
 by swearing to defend the province as long as Heaven was 
 on his side, and he had a wooden leg to stand upon ; 
 which warlike sentence he emphasised by a thwack with 
 the flat of his sword upon the table that quite electrified 
 his auditors. 
 
 The privy councillors who had long since been brought 
 into as perfect discipline as were ever the soldiers of the 
 great Frederick, knew there was no use in saying a word, 
 so lighted their pipes, and smoked away in silence like 
 fat and discreet councillors. But the burgomasters, being 
 inflated with considerable importance and self -siifficiency 
 acquired at popular meetings, were not so easily satisfied. 
 Mustering up fresh spirit, when they found there was 
 some chance of escaping from their present jeopardy 
 without the disagreeable alternative of fighting, they 
 requested a copy of the summons to surrender, that they 
 might show it to a general meeting of the people. 
 
 So insolent and mutinous a request would have been 
 enough to have roused the gorge of the tranquil Van 
 Twiller himself — what, then, must have been its effect 
 upon the great Stuyvesant, who was not only a Dutch- 
 man, a governor, and a valiant wooden-legged soldier to 
 boot, but withal a man of the most stomachf ul and gun- 
 powder disposition ? He burst forth into a blaze of in- 
 dignation — swore not a mother's son of them should see 
 a syllable of it ; that as to their advice or concurrence, 
 he did not care a Avhiff of tobacco for either ; that they 
 might go home and go to bed like old women, for he was 
 
170 
 
 HISTORY OF NEW YOEK. 
 
 determined to defend the colony himself without the 
 assistance of them or their adherents ! So saying, he 
 tucked his sword under his arm, cocked his hat upon hia 
 head, and girding up his loins, stumped indignantly out 
 of the council-chamber, everybody making room for him 
 as he passed. 
 
 No sooner was he gone than the busy burgomasters 
 called a public meeting in front of the stadt-house, where 
 they appointed as chairman one Dof ue Eoerback. formerly 
 a meddlesome member of the cabinet during the reign of 
 William the Testy, but kicked out of ofB.ce by Peter 
 Stuyvesant on taking the reins of government. He was, 
 withal, a mighty gingerbread baker in the land, and 
 reverenced by the populace as a man of dark knowledge, 
 seeing that he was the first to imprint New-year cakes 
 with the mysterious hieroglyphics of the Cock and 
 Breeches, and such-like magical devices. 
 
 This burgomaster, who still chewed the cud of ill-will 
 against Peter Stuyvesant, addressed the multitude in 
 what is called a patriotic speech, informing them of the 
 courteous summons which the governor had received to 
 surrender, of his refusal to comply therewith, and of his 
 denying the public even a sight of the summons, which 
 doubtless contained conditions highly to the honour and 
 advantage of the province. 
 
 He then proceeded to speak of his excellency in high- 
 sounding terms of vituperation, suited to the dignity of 
 his station ; comparing him to Nero, Caligula, and other 
 flagrant great men of yore ; assuring the people that the 
 history of the world did not contain a despotic outrage 
 equal to the present ; that it would be recorded in letters 
 of fire on the blood-stained tablet of history ; that ages 
 would roll back with sudden horror when they came to 
 view it ; that the womb of time (by the way, your ora- 
 tors and writers take strange liberties with the womb of 
 time, though some would fain have us believe that time is 
 an old gentleman) — that the womb of time, pregnant as it 
 
HISTOBT OF NEW YORK. 
 
 171 
 
 was with direful horrors, would never produce a parallel 
 enormity ; with a variety of other heart-rending, soul- 
 stirring tropes and figures, which I cannot enumerate ; 
 neither, indeed, need I, for they were of the kind which 
 even to the present day form the style of popular ha- 
 rangues and patriotic orations, and may be classed in 
 rhetoric under the general title of RiaMAKOLE. 
 
 The result of this speech of the inspired burgomaster 
 was a memorial addressed to the governor, remonstrating 
 in good round terms on his conduct. It was proposed 
 that Dofue Roerback himself should be the bearer of this 
 memorial ; but this he warily declined, having no incli- 
 nation of coming again within kicking distance of his 
 excellency. "Who did deliver it has never been "named 
 in history ; in which neglect he has suffered grievous 
 wrong, seeing that he was equally worthy of blazon with 
 him perpetuated in Scottish song and story by the sur- 
 name of Bell-the-cat. All we know of the fate of this 
 memorial is, that it was used by the grim Peter to light 
 his pipe, which, from the vehemence with which he 
 smoked it, was evidently anything but a pipe of peace. 
 
 CHAPTER X. 
 Now did the high-minded Pieter de Groodt shower down 
 a pannier load of maledictions upon his burgomasters for 
 a set of self-willed, obstinate, factious varlets, who would 
 neither be convinced nor persuaded. Nor did he omit 
 to bestow some left-handed compliments upon the sove- 
 reign people, as a herd of poltroons, who had no relish 
 for the glorious hardships and illustrious misadventures 
 of battle, but would rather stay at home, and eat and 
 sleep in ignoble ease, than fight in a ditch for immor- 
 tality and a broken head. 
 
 Resolutely bent, however, upon defending his beloved 
 city, in despite even of itself, he called unto him his 
 iSrvjsty Tan Corlear, who was his right-hand man in all 
 
172 
 
 HISTORY OF KEW YOEK. 
 
 times of emergency. Him did he adjure to take his ■war- 
 denouncing trumpet, and mounting his horse, to beat up 
 the country night and day — sounding the alarm along 
 the pastoral borders of the Bronx — startling the wild 
 solitudes of Croton — arousing the rugged yeomanry of 
 Weehawk and Hoboken — the mighty men of battle of 
 Tappan Bay — and the brare boys of Tarry-Town, Petti- 
 coat-Lane, and Sleepy-Hollow — charging them one and 
 all to sling their powder-horns, shoulder their fowling- 
 pieces, and march merrily down to the Manhattoes. 
 
 Now there was nothing in all the world, the divine sex 
 excepted, that Antony Van Corlear loved better than 
 errands of this kind. So just stopping to take a lusty 
 dinner, -and bracing to his side his junk bottle, well 
 charged with heart-inspiring Hollands, he issued jollily 
 from the city gate, which looked out upon what is at 
 present called Broadway ; sounding a farewell strain, 
 that rung in sprightly echoes through the winding streets 
 of New Amsterdam. Alas ! never more were they to be 
 gladdened by the melody of their favourite trumpeter. 
 
 It was a dark and stormy night when the good Antony 
 arrived at the creek (sagely denominated Haerlem river') 
 which separates the island of Manna-hata from the main- 
 land. The wiad was high, the elements were in an up- 
 roar, and no Charon could be found to ferry the adven- 
 turous sounder of brass across the water. For a short 
 time he vapoured like an impatient ghost upon the brink, 
 and then, bethinking himself of the urgency of his errand, 
 took a hearty embrace of his stone bottle, swore most i 
 valorously that he would swim across in spite of the devil 
 ispyt den duyvel), and daringly plunged into the stream. 
 Luckless Antony ! scarce had he buffeted half-way over, 
 when he was observed to struggle violently, as if battling 
 with the spirit of the waters. Instinctively he put his 
 trumpet to his mouth, and giving a vehement blast sank 
 for ever to the bottom. 
 
 The clangour of his trumpet, like that of the ivory horn 
 
HISTORY OF NEW YORK. 
 
 173 
 
 of the renowned Paladin Orlando, when expirinsr in the 
 glorious field of Roncesvalles, rang far and wide through 
 the country, alarming the neighbours round, who hurried 
 in amazement to the spot. Here an old Dutch burgher, 
 famed for his veracity, and who had been a witness of 
 the fact, related to them the melancholy aifair ; with the 
 fearful addition (to which I am slow of giving belief) 
 that he saw the duyvel, in the shape of a huge moss- 
 bonker, seize the sturdy Antony by the leg and drag him 
 beneath the waves. Certain it is, the place, with the 
 adjoining promontory, which projects into the Hudson, 
 has been called Spyt den Duyvel ever since ; the ghost 
 of the unfortunate Antony still haunts the surrounding 
 solitudes, and his trumpet has often been heard by the 
 neighbours of a stormy night, mingling with the howling 
 of the blast. Nobody ever attempts to swim across the 
 creek after dark ; on the contrary, a bridge has been built 
 to guard against such melancholy accidents in future ; 
 and as to moss-bonkers, they are held in such abhorrence 
 that no true Dutchman will admit them to his table who 
 loves good fish and hates the devil. 
 
 Such was the end of Antony Van Corlear — a man de- 
 serving of a better fate. He lived roundly and soundly, 
 like a true and jolly bachelor, until the day of his death ; 
 but though he was never married, yet did he leave behind 
 some two or three dozen children in diiierent parts of the 
 country — fine, chubby, brawling, flatulent little urchins, 
 from whom, if legends speak true (and they are not 
 apt to lie), did descend the innumerable race of editors 
 who people and defend this country, and who are bounti- 
 fully paid by the jjeople for keeping up a constant alarm 
 and making them miserable. It is hinted, too, that in his 
 various expeditions into the east he did much towards 
 promoting the population of the country, in proof of 
 whiun is adduced the notorious propensity of the people 
 of those parts to sound their own trumpet. 
 
 As some way-worn pilg'rim, when the tempest whistles 
 
174 
 
 HISTORY OF NEW YORK. 
 
 through his locks, and night is gathering round, beholds 
 his faithful dog, the companion and solace of his journey- 
 ingj stretched lifeless at his feet, so did the generous- 
 hearted hero of the Manhattoes contemplate the untimely 
 end of Antony Van Corlear. He had been the faithful 
 attendant of his footsteps ; he had charmed him in many 
 a weary hour by his honest gaiety and the martial melody 
 of his trumpet, and had followed him with unflinching 
 loyalty and affection through many a scene of direful 
 peril and mishap. He was gone for ever ! and that, too^ 
 at a moment when every mongrel cur was skulking from 
 his side. This, Peter Stuyvesant, was the moment to try 
 thy fortitude ; and this was the moment when thou didst 
 indeed shine forth — Peter the Headstrong ! 
 
 The glare of day had long dispelled the horrors of the 
 stormy night ; still all was dull and gloomy. The late 
 jovial Apollo hid his face behind lugubrious clouds, peep- 
 ing out now and then for an instant, as if anxious, yet 
 fearful, to see what was going on in his favourite city. 
 This was the eventful morning when the great Peter was 
 to give his reply to the summons of the invaders. Already 
 was he closeted with his privy council, sitting in grim 
 state, brooding over the fate of his favourite trumpeter, 
 and anon boiling with indignation as the insolence of his 
 recreant burgomasters flashed upon his mind. While in 
 this state of irritation, a courier arrived in all haste from 
 Winthrop, the subtle governor of Connecticut, counselling 
 him, in the most affectionate and disinterested manner, 
 to surrender the province, and magnifying the dangers 
 and calamities to which a refusal would subject him. 
 What a moment was this to intrude officious advice upon 
 a man who never took advice in his whole life 1 The 
 fiery old governor strode up and down the chamber with 
 a vehemence that made the bosoms of his councillors to 
 quake with awe ; railing at his unlucky fate, that thus 
 made him the constant butt of factious subjects and 
 iesuitical advisers. 
 
HISTORY OF NEW TORE. 
 
 175 
 
 Just at this ill-ctosen juncture the officious burgo- 
 masters, who had heard of the arrival of mysterious 
 despatches, came marching in a body into the room, with 
 a legion of schepens and toad-eaters at their heels, and 
 abruptly demanded a perusal of the letter. This was too 
 much for the spleen of Peter Stuyvesant. He tore the 
 letter in a thousand pieces — threw it in the face of the 
 nearest burgomaster — broke his pipe over the head of the 
 next — hurled his spitting-box at an unlucky schepen, who 
 was just retreating out at the door ; and finally prorogued 
 the whole meeting sine die, by kicking them downstairs 
 with his wooden leg. 
 
 As soon as the burgomasters could recover from their 
 confusion, and had time to breathe, they called a public 
 meeting, where they related at full length, and with 
 appropriate colouring and exaggeration, the despotic and 
 vindictive deportment of the governor, declaring that, for 
 their own parts, they did not value a straw the being 
 kicked, cuffed, and mauled by the timber toe of his excel- 
 lency, but that they felt for the dignity of the sovereign 
 people, thus rudely insulted by the outrage committed on 
 the seat of honour of their representatives. The latter 
 part of the harangue came home at once to that delicacy 
 of feeling and jealous pride of character vested in all true 
 mobs ; who, though they may bear injuries without a 
 murmur, yet are marvellously jealous of their sovereign 
 dignity ; and there is no knowing to what act of resent- 
 ment they might have been provoked, had they not been 
 somewhat more afraid of their sturdy old governor than 
 
 they were of St. Nicholas, the English, or* the d ^1 
 
 himself. 
 
 CHAPTER XI. 
 Theee is something exceedingly sublime and melancholy 
 in the spectacle which the present crisis of our history pre- 
 sents. An ilhistrious and venerable little city — the metro- 
 polis of a vast extent of uninhabited country — garrisoned 
 
 i 
 
176 
 
 HISTORY OF NEW TOEK. 
 
 hy a doaghty host of orators, chairmen, committee-men, 
 burgomasters, schepens, and old women — governed by 
 a determined and strong-headed warrior, and fortified 
 by mud batteries, palisadoes, and resolutions — blockaded 
 by sea, beleaguered by land, and threatened with direful 
 desolation from without ; while its very vitals are torn 
 with internal faction and commotion ! Never did historic 
 pen record a page of more complicated distress, unless it 
 be the strife that distracted the Israelites during the siege 
 of J erusalem, where discordant parties were cutting each 
 other's throats at the moment when the victorious legions 
 of Titus had toppled down their bulwarks, and were carry- 
 ing fire and sword into the very sanctum sanctorum of the 
 temple ! 
 
 Grovernor Stuyvesant having triumphantly put his 
 grand council to the rout, and delivered himself from a 
 multitude of impertinent advisers, despatched a categori- 
 cal reply to the commanders of the invading squadron, 
 wherein he asserted the right and title of their High 
 Mightinesses the Lords States General to the province 
 of New Netherlands, and trusting in the righteousness of 
 his cause, set the whole British nation at defiance ! 
 
 My anxiety to extricate my readers and myself from 
 these disastrous scenes prevents me from giving the whole 
 lOf this gallant letter, which concluded in these manly and 
 ijiffectionate terms : — 
 
 "As tsuching the threats in your conclusion, we have 
 nothing to answer, only that we fear nothing but what 
 God (who is as just as merciful) shall lay upon us ; all 
 things being in His gracious disposal, and we may as well 
 be preserved by Him with small forces as by a great army, 
 which makes us to wish you all happiness and prosperity, 
 and recommend you to His protection.— My lords, your 
 thrice humble and affectionate servant and friend, 
 
 "P, Stuyvesant." 
 
 Thus having thrown his gauntlet, the brave. Peter stuck 
 
HISTOET Oe NEW YORK. 
 
 177 
 
 a pair of horse-pistols in his belt, girded an immense 
 powder-horn on his side, thrust his sound leg into a Hes- 
 sian bopt, and clapping his fierce little war-hat on the top 
 of his head, paraded up and down in front of his house, 
 determined to defend his beloved city to the last. 
 
 While all these struggles and dissensions were prevail- 
 ing in the unhappy city of New Amsterdam, and while its 
 worthy but ill-starred governor was framing the above 
 quoted letter, the English commanders did not remaiu 
 idle. They had agents secretly employed to foment the 
 fears and clamours of the populace ; and moreover circu- 
 lated far and wide through the adjacent country a pro- 
 clamation, repeating the terms they had already held ont 
 in their summons to surrender, at the same time beguiling 
 the simple Nederlanders with the most crafty and con- 
 ciliating professions. They promised that every man 
 who voluntarily submitted to the authority of his British 
 Majesty should retain peaceful possession of his house, 
 his vrouw, and his cabbage-garden. That he should be 
 suffered to smoke his pipe, speak Dutch, wear as many 
 breeches as he pleased, and import bricks, tiles, and stone 
 jugs from Holland, instead of manufacturing them on the 
 spot. That he should on no account be compelled to learn 
 the English language, nor eat codfish on Saturdays, noi 
 keep accounts in any other way than by casting them up 
 on his fingers, and chalking them down upon the crown of 
 his hat ; as is observed among the Dutch yeomanry at the 
 present day. That every man should be allowed quietly 
 to inherit his father's hat, coat, shoe-buckles, pipe, and 
 every other personal appendage ; and that no man should 
 be obliged to conform to any improvements, inventions, 
 or any other modem innovations ; but, on the con- 
 trary, should be permitted to build his house, follow his 
 trade, manage his farm, rear his hogs, and educate his 
 children, precisely as his ancestors had done before him 
 rrom tirae immemorial. Finally, that he should have all 
 the benefits of free trade, and should not be required to 
 
178 
 
 HISTORY OF NEW YORK. 
 
 acknowledge any other saint in the calendar than St 
 Nicholas, who should thenceforward, as before, be con- 
 sidered the tutelar saint of the city. 
 
 These terms, as may be supposed, appeared very satis- 
 factory to the people, who had a great disposition to enjoy 
 their property unmolested, and a most singular aversion 
 to engage in a contest, where they could gain little more 
 than honour and broken heads : the first of which they 
 held in philosophic indifference, the latter in utter detes- 
 tation. By these insidious means, therefore, did the Eng- 
 lish succeed in alienating the confidence and affections of 
 the populace from their gallant old governor, whom they 
 considered as obstinately bent upon running them into 
 hideous misadventures ; and did not hesitate to speak 
 their minds freely, and abuse him most heartily, behind 
 his back. 
 
 Like as a mighty grampus, when assailed and buffeted 
 by roaring waves and brawling surges, still keeps on an 
 undeviating course, rising above the boisterous billows, 
 spouting and blowing as he emerges, so did the inflexible 
 Peter pursue, unwavering, his determined career, and rise, 
 contemptuous, above the clamours of the rabble. 
 
 But when the British warriors found that he set their 
 power at defiance, they despatched recruiting ofiicers to 
 Jamaica, and Jericho, and Nineveh, and Quag, and 
 Patchog, and all those towns on Long Island which had 
 been subdued of yore by Stoffel Brinkerhoff, stirring up 
 the progeny of Preserved Fish and Determined Cock, and 
 those other New England squatters, to assail the city of 
 New Amsterdam by land, while the hostile ships prepared 
 for an assault by water. 
 
 The streets of New Amsterdam now presented a scens 
 of wild dismay and consternation. In vain did Peter 
 Stuyvesant order the citizens to arm and assemble on 
 the Battery. Blank terror reigned over the community. 
 The whole party of Short Pipes in the course of a single 
 night had changed into arrant old women — a meta- 
 
HISTORY OF NEW YORK. 
 
 m 
 
 morphosie only to be paralleled by tbe prodigies recorded 
 by Livy as having happened at Rome at the approach ot 
 Hannibal, when statues sweated in pure aSfright, goat? 
 were converted into sheep, and cocks, turning imto hens, 
 ran cackling about the street. 
 
 Thus baffled in all attempts to put the city in a statJ 
 of defence, blockaded from without, tormented from 
 within, and menaced with a Yankee invasion, even ths 
 stiff-necked will of Peter Stuyvesant for once gave waj , 
 and in spite of his mighty heart, which swelled in his 
 throat until it nearly choked him, he consented to :i 
 treaty of surrender. 
 
 Words cannot express the transports of the populace on 
 receiving this intelligence ; had they obtained a conquest 
 over their enemies, they could not have indulged gjreater 
 delight. The streets resounded with their congratu- 
 lations — they extolled their governor as the father and 
 deliverer of his country — they crowded to his house to 
 testify their gratitude, and were ten times more noisy 
 in their plaudits than when he returned, with victory 
 perched upon his beaver, from the glorious capture of 
 Fort Christina. But the indignant Peter shut his doors 
 and windows, and took refuge in the innermost recesses of 
 his mansion, that he might not hear the ignoble rejoicings 
 of the rabble. 
 
 Commissioners were now appointed on both sides, andu 
 capitulation was speedily arranged ; all that was wantinjf 
 to ratify it was that it should be signed by the govwrnoj . 
 When the commissioners waited upon him for this pui • 
 pose they were received with grim and bitter courtesj. 
 His warlike accoutrements were laid aside ; an old Indiai i 
 night-gown was wrapped about his rugged limbs; a red 
 night-cap overshadowed his frowning brow ; an iron-grey 
 beard of three days' growth gave additional grimness t > 
 his visage. Thrice did he seize a worn-out stump of n 
 pen, and essay to sign the loathsome paper ; thrice did he 
 clinch his teeth, and make a horrible countenance, aa 
 
180 
 
 HISTORY OF NEW YOEIC. 
 
 though a dose of rhubarb, senna, and ipecacuanha, had 
 been offered to his lips. At length, dashing it from }iim, 
 he seized his brass -hilted sword, and jerking it from the 
 Bcabbard,, swore by St. Nicholas to sooner die than yield 
 to any power under heaven. 
 
 For two whole days did he persist in this magnanimous 
 resolution, during which his house was besieged by the 
 rabble, and menaces and clamorous revilings exhausted 
 to no purpose. And now another course was adopted to 
 soothe, if possible, his mighty ire. A procession was 
 formed by the burgomasters and schepens, followed by 
 the populace, to bear the capitulation in state to the 
 governor's dwelling. They found the castle strongly 
 barricaded, and the old hero in full regimentals, with his 
 cocked hat on his head, posted with a blunderbuss at 
 the garret window. 
 
 There was something in this formidable position that 
 struck even the ignoble vulgar with awe and admiration. 
 The brawling multitude could not but reflect with self- 
 abasement upon their own pusillanimous conduct, when 
 they beheld their hardy but deserted old governor, thus 
 faithful to his post, like a forlorn hope, and fully pre- 
 pared to defend his ungrateful city to the last. These 
 compunctions, however, were soon overwhelmed by the 
 recurring tide of public apprehension. The populace 
 arranged themselves before the house, taking off their 
 hats with most respectful humility ; Burgomaster 
 Roorback, who was of that popular class of orators 
 described by Sallust as being "talkative rather than 
 eloquent," stepped forth and addressed the governor in a 
 speech of three hours' length, detailing, in the most 
 pathetic terms, the calamitous situation of the province, 
 and urging him, in a constant repetition of the same 
 arguments and words, to sign the capitulation. 
 
 The mighty Peter eyed him from his garret windc w in 
 grim silence. Now and then his eye would glance over 
 the surrounding rabble, and an indignant grin, like that 
 
HISTOET OF NEW YOBK. 
 
 181 
 
 of an angry mastiff, would mark Ms iron visage. But 
 though a man of most undaunted mettle — though he had 
 a heart as big as an ox, and a head that would have set 
 adamant to scorn — yet after all he was a mere mortal. 
 Wearied out by these repeated oppositions, and thla 
 eternal haranguing, and perceiving that unless he com- 
 plied the inhabitants would follow their own inclination, 
 or rather their fears, without waiting for his consent ; 
 or, what was still worse, the Yankees would have time to 
 pour in their forces and claim a share in the conquest, 
 he testily ordered them to hand up the paper. It was 
 accordingly hoisted to him on the end of a pole, and 
 having scrawled his name at the bottom of it, he 
 anathematised them all for a set of cowardly, mutinous, 
 degenerate poltroons — threw the capitulation at their 
 heads, slammed down the window, and was heard stump- 
 ing downstairs with vehement indignation. The rabble 
 incontinently took to their heels ; even the burgomasters 
 were not slow in evacuating the premises, fearing lest 
 the sturdy Peter might issue from his den, and greet 
 them with some unwelcome testimonial of his dis- 
 pleasure. 
 
 Within three hours after the surrender, a legion of 
 British beef -fed warriors poured into New Amsterdam, 
 taking possession of the fort and batteries. And now 
 might be heard from all quarters the sound of hammers 
 made by the old Dutch burghers, in nailing up their 
 doors and windows, to protect their vrouws from these 
 fierce barbarians, whom they contemplated in silent 
 Bullenness from the garret windows as they paraded 
 through the streets. 
 
 Thus did Colonel Richard Nichols, the commander of the 
 British forces, enter into quiet possession of the conquered 
 realm, as locum tenens for the Duke of York. The victory 
 was attended with no other outrage than that of chang- 
 ing the name of the province and its metropolis, which 
 thenceforth were denominated New York, and so hare 
 
i82 
 
 HISTORY OP NEW YORK. 
 
 lontinued to be called unto the present day. Thi- inhabi 
 iiants, aocording to treaty, were allowed to maintain 
 •luiet possession of their property ; but so inyeterately did 
 tihey retain their abhorrence of the British nation that in 
 u private meeting of the leading citizens it was unani- 
 mously determined never to ask any of their conquerors 
 do dinner. 
 
 NOTE.' 
 
 Modern historians assert that when the New Netherlands were 
 (ihus overrun hy the British, as Spain in ancient days by the Saracens, 
 ( I resolute band refused to bend the necl; to the invader. Led by one 
 (Jarret Van Horne, a valorous and gigantic Dutchman, they crossed 
 the bay and buried themselves among the marshes and cabbage-gardens 
 of Communipaw, as did Pelayo and his followers among the mountains 
 of Asturias. Here their descendants have remained ever since, 
 keeping themselves apart, like seed corn, to repeople tlie city with the 
 genuine breed, whenever it shall be effectually recovered from its in- 
 truders. It is said the genuine descendants of the Nederlanders who 
 inhabit New York still look with longing eyes to the green marshes of 
 ancient Pavonia, as did the conquered Spaniards of yore to the stern 
 mountains of Asturias, considering these the regions whence deliverance 
 is to come. 
 
 CHAPTER XII. 
 tPHUS then have I concluded this great historical enter- 
 ]»rise ; but before I lay aside my weary pen, there yet 
 jemains to be performed one pious duty. If, among 
 Ihe variety of readers who may peruse this book, there 
 should haply be found any of those souls of true nobility, 
 which glow with celestial fire at the history of the 
 j;enerous and the brave, they will doubtless be anxious 
 ^)0 know the fate of the gallant Peter Stuyvesant. To 
 gratify one such sterling heart of gold, I would go more 
 lengths than to instruct the cold-blooded curiosity of a 
 ■'nrhole fraternity of philosophers. 
 
 No sooner had that high-mettled cavalier signed the 
 J articles of capitulation, than, determined not to witness 
 the humiliation of his favourite city, he turned his back 
 »tn its walls, and made a growling retreat to his bowery, 
 ♦»r country-seat, which was situated about two miles off ; 
 \ fhere he passed the remainder of his days in patriarchal 
 
HISTORY OF NEW YORK. 
 
 retirement. There he enjoyed that tranquillity of mind , 
 which he had never known amid the distracting cares 
 government, and tasted the sweets of absolute and uncon 
 trolled authority, which his factious subjects had so of tei 
 dashed with the bitterness of opposition. 
 
 No persuasions could ever induce him to revisit the 
 city ; on the contrary, he would always have his greau 
 arm-chair placed with its back to the windows whicli 
 looked in that direction, until a thick grove of trees, 
 planted by his own hand, grew up and formed a screeri 
 that effectually excluded it from the prospect. He railec'l 
 continually at the degenerate innovations and improve- 
 ments introduced by the conquerors — forbade a word o)' 
 their detested language to be spoken in his family, a pro ■ 
 hibition readily obeyed, since none of the household could! 
 speak anything but Dutch, and even ordered a fine avenue, 
 to be cut down in front of his house because it consisted! 
 of English cherry-trees. 
 
 The same incessant vigilance, which blazed forth when 
 he had a vast province under his care, now showed itsell 
 with equal vigour, though in narrower limits. He 
 patrolled with unceasing watchfulness the boundaries of 
 his little territory ; repelled every encroachment with in- 
 trepid promptness ; punished every vagrant depredation 
 upon his orchard or his farmyard with inflexible severity, 
 and conducted every stray hog or cow in triumph to the 
 pound. But to the indigent neighbour, the friendless 
 stranger, or the weary wanderer, his spacious doors were 
 ever open, and his capacious fireplace, that emblem of his 
 own warm and generous heart, had always a corner to 
 receive and cherish them. There was an exception to this, 
 I must confess, in case the ill-starred applicant were an 
 Englishman or a Yankee ; to whom, though he mighi 
 extend the hand of assistance, he could never be broughl 
 to yield the rites of hospitality. Nay, if peradventur* 
 6ome straggling merchant of the East should stop at his 
 door, with his cart-load of tin-ware or wooden botvls, tJM 
 
184 
 
 HISTOEY OF NEW YORK. 
 
 fiery Pefcer would issue fortli like a giant from Ids castle, 
 and make such, a furious clattering- among his pots and 
 kettles, that the vender of " notions " was fain to betake 
 himself to instant flight. 
 
 His suit of regimentals, worn threadbare by the brush, 
 was carefully hung up in the state bed-chamber, and 
 regularly aired the first fair day of every month ; and 
 his cocked hat and trusty sword were suspended in grim 
 repose over the parlour mantelpiece, forming supporters 
 to a full-length portrait of the renowned admiral Van 
 Tromp. In his domestic empire he maintained strict 
 discipline, and a well-organised despotic government ; 
 but though his own will was the supreme law, yet the 
 good of his subjects was his constant object. He watched 
 over not merely their immediate comforts, but their 
 morals and their ultimate welfare ; for he gave them 
 abundance of excellent admonition ; nor could any of 
 them complain, that, when occasion required, he was by 
 any means niggardly in bestowing wholesome correction. 
 
 The good old Dutch festivals, those periodical demon- 
 strations of an overflowing heart and a thankful spirit, 
 which are falling into sad disuse among my fellow- 
 eitizens, were faithfully observed in the mansion of 
 Governor Stuyvesant. New year was truly a day of 
 open-handed liberality, of jocund revelry and warm- 
 hearted congratulation, when the bosom swelled with 
 g'enial good-fellowship, and the plenteous table was 
 attended with an unceremonious freedom, and honest 
 broad-mouthed merriment unknown in these days of 
 degeneracy and refinement. Paas and Pinxter were 
 scrupulously observed throughout his dominions ; nor 
 was the day of St. Nicholas suffered to pass by without 
 making presents, hanging the stocking in the chimney, 
 and complying with all its other ceremonies. 
 
 Once a year, on the first day of April, he used to array 
 himself in full regimentals, being the anniversary of his 
 triumphal entry into New Amsterdam, after the conquest 
 
HISTORY OF NEW TORE. 
 
 185 
 
 of New Sweden. This was always a kind of saturnlalia 
 among the domestics, when they considered themselves 
 at liberty, in some measure, to say and do what they 
 pleased, for on this daV their master was always observed 
 to unbend and become exceedingly pleasant and jocose, 
 sending the old grey-headed negroes on April-fool's 
 errands for pigeons' milk ; not one of whom but allowed 
 himself to be taken in, and humoured his old master's 
 jokes, as became a faithful and well-disciplined depen- 
 dant. Thus did he reign, happily and peacefully on his 
 own land, injuring no man, envying no man, molested 
 by no outward strifes, perplexed by no internal com- 
 motions ; and the mighty monarchs of the earth, who 
 were vainly seeking to maintain peace, and promote the 
 welfare of mankind by war and desolation, would have 
 done well to have made a voyage to the little island of 
 Manna-hata, and learned a lesson in government from the 
 domestic economy of Peter Stuyvesant. 
 
 In process of time, however, the old governor, like aU 
 other children of mortality, began to exhibit evident 
 tokens of decay. Like an aged oak, which, though it 
 long has braved the fury of the elements, and still retains 
 its gigantic proportions, begins to shake and groan with 
 every blast — so was it with the gallant Peter ; for 
 though he still bore the port and semblance of what he 
 was in the days of his hardihood and chivalry, yet did 
 age and infirmity begin to sap the vigour of his frame — 
 but his heart, that unconquerable citadel, still triumphed 
 unsubdued. With matchless avidity would he listen to 
 every article of intelligence concerning the battles 
 between the English and Dutch ; still would his pulse 
 beat high, whenever he heard of the victories of De 
 Ruyter — and his countenance lower, and his eyebrows 
 knit, when fortune turned in favour of the English. At 
 length, as on a certain day he had just smoked his fifth 
 pipe, and was napping after dinner in his arm-chair, 
 conquering the whole British nation in his dreams, ha 
 
186 
 
 HISTOKT OF NEW YORK:. 
 
 WHS suddenly aroused by a ringing of bells, rattling of 
 drums, and roaring of cannon, that put all his blood in a 
 ferment. But wlien lie learnt tliat these rejoicings were 
 in honour of a great victory obtained by the combined 
 English and French fleets over the brave De Euyter and 
 the younger Van Tromp, it went so much to his heart 
 that he took to his bed, and in less than three days was 
 brought to death's door by a violent cholera morbus ! 
 Idlven in this extremity he still displayed the unconquer- 
 able spirit of Peter the Headstrong — ^holding out to the 
 last gasp with inflexible obstinacy against a whole 
 army of old women, who were bent upon driving the 
 enemy out of his bowels, in the true Dutch mode of 
 defence, by inundation. 
 
 While he thus lay, lingering on the verge of dissolu- 
 tion, news was brought him that the brave De Ruyter 
 had made good his retreat with little loss, and meant 
 once more to meet the enemy in battle. The closing eye 
 of the old warrior kindled with martial fire at the words, 
 he partly raised himself in bed, clinched his withered 
 hand as if he felt within his gripe that sword which 
 waved in triumph before the walls of Fort Christina, and 
 giving a grim smile of exultation, sank back upon his 
 pillow, and expired. 
 
 Thus died Peter Stuyvesant, a valiant soldier, a loyal 
 subject, an upright governor, and an honest Dutchman, 
 who wanted only a few empires to desolate to have been 
 immortalised as a hero I 
 
 His funeral obsequies were celebrated with the utmost 
 grandeur and solemnity. The town was perfectly 
 emptied of its inhabitants, who crowded in throngs to 
 pay the last sad honours to their good old governor. All 
 his sterling qualities rushed in full tide upon their 
 recollection, while the memory of his foibles and his 
 faults had expired with him. The ancient burghers con- 
 tended who should have the privilege of bearing the 
 pall : the populace strove who should walk nearest to the 
 
HISTORY OF NEW YORK. 
 
 187 
 
 bier, and the melanclioly procession was closed by a 
 number of grey-teaded negroes, who iiad wintered and 
 summered in the household of their departed master foi' 
 the greater part of a century. 
 
 With sad and gloomy countenances the multitude 
 gathered round the grave. They dwelt with mournful 
 hearts on the sturdy virtues, the signal services, and the 
 gallant exploits of the brave old worthy. They recalled, 
 with secret upbraidings, their own factious oppositions tc 
 his government ; and many an ancient burgher, whosd 
 phlegmatic features had never been known to relax, noi 
 his eyes to moisten, was now observed to puff a pensiv( ■ 
 pipe, and the big drop to steal down his cheek ; while h<! 
 muttered, with affectionate accent, and melancholy shake 
 of the head, " Well, den ! — Hardkoppig Peter ben gone 
 at last ! " 
 
 His remains were deposited in the family vault, under 
 a chapel which he had piously erected on his estate, and 
 dedicated to St. Nicholas, and which stood on the identi- 
 cal spot at present occupied by St. Mark's church, where 
 his tombstone is still to be seen. His estate, or bowery, 
 as it was called, has ever continued in the possession of 
 his descendants, who, by the uniform integrity of theii • 
 conduct, and their strict adherence to the customs anc\ 
 manners that prevailed in the "good old times," hav<< 
 proved themselves worthy of their illustrious ancestor, 
 Many a time and oft has the farm been haunted at nigWi 
 by enterprising money-diggers, in quest of pots of gold 
 said to have been buried by the old governor, though !• 
 cannot learn that any of them have ever been enrichec" 
 by their researches ; and who is there, among my native ' 
 born fellow-citizens, that does not remember when, inthd 
 mischievous days of his boyhood, he conceived it a great 
 exploit to rob " Stuyvesant's orchard " on a holiday after- 
 noon 1 
 
 At this stronghold of the family may still be seen cer- 
 tain memorials of the immortal Peter. His full-length 
 
188 
 
 HISTORY OF NEW YORK. 
 
 portrait frowns in martial terrors from the parlour wall , 
 his cocked hat and sword still hang up in the hest bed- 
 room ; his brimstone-coloured breeches were for a long 
 while suspended in the hall, until some years since they 
 occasioned a dispute between a new-married couple ; and 
 his silver-mounted wooden leg is still treasured up in the 
 store-room as an invaluable relique. 
 
 CHAPTER XIII. 
 Ajaosra the numerous events, which are each in their 
 turn the most direful and melancholy of all possible 
 occurrences, in your interesting and authentic history, 
 there is none that occasions such deep and heart-rending 
 grief as the decline and fall of your renowned and 
 mighty empires. Where is the reader who can contem- 
 plate without emotion the disastrous events by which 
 the great dynasties of the world have been extinguished 2 
 While wandering, in imagination, among the gigantic 
 ruins of states and empires, and marking the tremendous 
 convulsions that wrought their overthrow, the bosom of 
 the melancholy inquirer swells with sympathy commen- 
 surate to the surrounding desolation. Kingdoms, princi- 
 palities, and powers, have each had their rise, their pro- 
 gress, and their downfall ; each in its turn has swayed a 
 potent sceptre ; each has returned to its primseval noth- 
 ingness. And thus did it fare with the empire of their 
 High Mightinesses, at the Manhattoes, under the peaceful 
 reign of Walter the Doubter, the fretful reign of William 
 the Testy, and the chivalric reign of Peter the Head- 
 etrong. 
 
 Its history is fruitful of instruction, and worthy of 
 being pondered over attentively ; for it is by thus raking 
 among the ashes of departed greatness that the sparks of 
 true knowledge are to be found and the lamp of wisdom 
 illuminated. Let then the reign of Walter the Doubter 
 warn against yielding to that sleek, contented security, 
 
HISTORY OP NEW YORK. 
 
 18J> 
 
 aud that overweening fondness for comfort and repose, 
 which are produced by a state of prosperity and peace. 
 These tend to unnerve a nation ; to destroy its pride of 
 character ; to render it patient of insult ; deaf to the 
 calls of honour and of justice ; and cause it to cling to 
 peace, like the sluggard to hia pillow, at the expense of 
 every valuable duty and consideration. Such supineness 
 ensures the very evil from which it shrinks. One right 
 yielded up produces the usurpation of a second ; one en- 
 croachment passively suffered makes way for another ; 
 and the nation which thus, through a doting love of 
 peace, has sacrificed honour and interest, will at length 
 have to fight for existence. 
 
 Let the disastrous reign of William the Testy serve as 
 a salutary warning against that fitful, feverish mode of 
 legislation, which acts without system, depends on shifts 
 and projects, and trusts to lucky contingencies ; which 
 hesitates, and wavers, and at length decides with the 
 rashness of ignorance and imbecility ; which stoops for 
 popularity by courting the prejudices and flattering the 
 arrogance, rather than commanding the respect, of the 
 rabble ; which seeks safety in a multitude of counsellors, 
 and distracts itself by a variety of contradictory schemes 
 and opinions ; which mistakes procrastination for wari- 
 ness — hurry for decision — parsimony for economy — bustle 
 for business, and vapouring for valour ; which is violent 
 in council, sanguine in expectation, precipitate in action^ 
 and feeble in execution ; which undertakes enterprises 
 without forethought, enters upon them without prepara- 
 tion, conducts them without energy, and ends them in 
 confusion and defeat. 
 
 Let the reign of the good Stuyvesant show the effects of 
 vigour and decision, even when destitute of cool judg- 
 ment, and surrounded by perplexities. Let it show how 
 frankness, probity, and high-souled courage will command 
 respect and secure honour, even where success is unat- 
 tainable. But, at the same time, let it caution against a 
 
1^0 flISTOKY OF NEW YORK. 
 
 too ready reliance on the good faith of others, and a too 
 honest confidence in the loving professions of powerful 
 neighbours, who are most friendly when they most mean 
 to betray. Let it teach a judicious attention to the opinions 
 and wishes of the many, who, in times of peril, must be 
 soothed and led, or apprehension will overpower the 
 deference to authority. 
 
 Let the empty wordiness of his factious subjects, their 
 intemperate harangues, their violent " resolutions," their 
 hectorings against an absent enemy, and their pusillani- 
 mity on his approach, teach us to distrust and despise 
 those clamorous patriots whose courage dwells but in 
 the tongue. Let them serve as a lesson to repress that 
 insolence of speech, destitute of real force, which too 
 often breaks forth in popular bodies, and bespeaks the 
 vanity rather than the spirit of a nation. Let them 
 caution us against vaunting too much of our own power 
 and prowess, and reviling a noble enemy. True gallantry 
 of soul would always lead us to treat a foe with courtesy 
 and proud punctilio ; a contrary conduct but takes from 
 ihe merit of victory, and renders defeat doubly dis- 
 jracefuL 
 
 But I cease to dwell on the stores of excellent examples 
 to be drawn from the ancient chronicles of the Man- 
 hattoes. He who reads attentively will discover the 
 threads of gold which run throughout the web of history, 
 and are invisible to the dull eye of ignorance. But, 
 before I conclude, let me point out a solemn warning, 
 furnished in the subtle chain of events by which the cap- 
 ture of Fort Casimir has produced the present convulsions 
 of our globe. 
 
 Attend then, gentle reader, to this plain deduction, 
 which, if thou art a king, an emperor, or other powerful 
 potentate, I advise thee to treasure up in thy heart, 
 though little expectation have I that my work will fall 
 into such hands ; for well I know the care of craf t> 
 ministers, to keep all grave and edifying books of the 
 
HISTORY OF NEW YORK. 
 
 191 
 
 kind out of the way of unhappy monarchs, lest peradven- 
 ture they should read them and learn wisdom. 
 
 By the treacherous surprisal of Fort Casimir, then, did 
 the crafty Swedes enjoy a transient triumph ; but drew 
 upon their heads the vengeance of Peter Stuyvesant, who 
 ■wrested all New Sweden from their hands. By the con- 
 quest of New Sweden, Peter Stuyvesant aroused the 
 claims of Lord Baltimore, who appealed to the Cabinet of 
 Great Britain, who subdued the whole province of New 
 Netherlands. By this great achievement, the whole ex- 
 tent of North America, from Nova Scotia to the Floridas, 
 was rendered one entire dependency upon the British 
 crown. But mark the consequence : the hitherto-scat- 
 tered colonies being thus consolidated, and having no 
 rival colonies to check or keep them in awe, waxed great 
 and powerful, and finally becoming too strong for the 
 mother country, were enabled to shake off its bonds, and 
 by a glorious revolution became an independent empire. 
 But the chain of effects stopped not here ; the successful 
 revolution in America produced the sanguinary revolution 
 in France which produced the puissant Bonaparte, who pro- 
 duced the French despotism, which has thrown the whole 
 world in confusion ! Thus have these great Powers been 
 successively punished for their ill-starred conquests ; and 
 thus, as I asserted, have all the present convulsions, 
 revolutions, and disasters that overwhelm mankind, 
 originated in the capture of the little Fort Casimir, as 
 recorded in this eventful history. 
 
 And now, worthy reader, ere I take a sad farewell 
 which, alas ! must be for ever — willingly would I part 
 in cordial fellowship, and bespeak thy kind-hearted re- 
 membrance. That I have not written a better history of 
 the days of the patriarchs is not my fault ; had any 
 other person written one as good, I should not have 
 attempted it at all. That many will hereafter spring up 
 and surpass me in excellence I have very little doubt, 
 and still less oare ; well knowing that, when the great 
 
192 
 
 HISTORY OF NEW YORK. 
 
 Cliriatovallo Colon (who is vulgarly called Columbus) 
 ]iad once stood Ms egg upon its end, every one at table 
 (;ould stand his up a thousand times more dexterously. 
 Should any reader find matter of ofEence in this history, 
 I should heartily grieve, though I would on no aiccount 
 question his penetration by telling him he was mistaken 
 — ^his good-nature by telling him he was captious — or his 
 pure conscience by telling him he was startled at a 
 shadow. Surely, when so ingenious in finding offence 
 where none was intended, it were a thousand pities he 
 should not be suffered to enjoy the benefit of his dis- 
 covery. 
 
 I have too high an opinion of the understanding of my 
 fellow-citizens to think of yielding them instruction, and 
 I covet too much their good- will to forfeit it by giving 
 them good advice. I am none of those cynics who des- 
 pise the world, because it despises them ; on the contrary, 
 though but low in its regard, I look up to it with the 
 most perfect good-nature, and my only sorrow is, that it3 
 does not prove itself more worthy of the unbounded love 
 I bear it 
 
 If, however, in this my historic production, the scanty 
 fruit of a long and laborious life, I have failed to gratify 
 the dainty palate of the age, I can only lament my mis- 
 fortune, for it is too late in the season for me even to 
 hope to repair it. Already has withering age showered 
 his sterile snows upon my brow ; in a little while, and this 
 genial warmth which still lingers around my heart, and 
 throbs, worthy reader, throbs kindly towards thyself, will 
 be chilled for ever. Haply this frail compom d of dust, 
 which while alive may have given birth to naught but 
 unprofitable weeds, may form a humble sod of the valley, 
 whence may spring many a sweet wild flower, to adorn 
 my beloved island of Manna-hata I 
 
 THE END. 
 
PUBLICATIONS OF 
 
 Henry Altemus Company 
 
 Altemus' 
 Illustrated Vademecum Series 
 
 The most popular works of standard authors, 
 carefully printed on fine paper, with numerous 
 full-page half-tone, text and other appropriate 
 illustrations, illuminated titles, portraits, etc. 
 Size, 4^ X 6^ inches. 
 
 Full cloth, ornamental, boxed, 40 cents. 
 
 . . I Abbe Constantin, The. Halevy. 
 . . 2 Adventures of a Brownie. Mulock. 
 , . 3 Alice's Adventures in Wonderland. Car- 
 roll. 
 
 . . 4 American Notes. Kipling. 
 . . 5 Autobiography of Benjamin Franklin. 
 . . 6 Autocrat of the Breakfast Table. 
 Holmes. 
 
 . . 10 Allegories of the Heart. Hawthorne. 
 . . 12 Bacon's Essays. 
 
 . . 14 Barrack-Room Ballads and Ditties. 
 Kipling. 
 
 .. 15 Battle of Life, The. Dickens. 
 
 . . 16 BiGLOw Papers, The. Lowell. 
 
 . . 17 Black Beauty. Sezvell. 
 
 . . 18 Blithedale Romance, The. Hawthorne. 
 
 . . 19 Bracebridge Hall. Irving. 
 
 . , 20 Bryant's Poems. 
 
 . . 24 Black Rock. Connor. 
 
Altemus' Illustrated Vademecum Series 
 
 . . 28 Charlotte Temple. Rowson. 
 . . 29 Chesterfield's Letters^ Sentences and 
 Maxims. 
 
 - . 30 Child's Garden of Verses, A. Stevenson. 
 
 . . 31 Childe Harold's Pilgrimage. Byron. 
 
 . . 32 Chimes, The. Dickens. 
 
 . . 34 Christmas Carol, A. Dickens. 
 
 . . 35 Confessions of an Opium Eater. De 
 
 Qiiincy. 
 . . 36 Cranford. Gaskell. 
 
 . . 37 Cricket on the Hearth, The. Dickens. 
 . . 38 Crown of Wild Olive, The. Ruskin. 
 . . 40 Crucifixion of Philip Strong. Sheldon. 
 . . 42 Courtship of Miles Standish, The. 
 Longfellozv. 
 
 . . 44 Days with Sir Roger De Coverley. Ad- 
 dison. 
 
 . . 45 Discourses of Epictetus, The. 
 . . 47 Dream Life. Mitchell. 
 
 . . 51 Emerson's Essays, First Series. 
 . . 52 Emerson's Essays, Second Series. 
 . , 54 Essays of Elia. Lamb. 
 . . 55 Ethics of the Dust, The. Ruskin. 
 . . 56 Evangeline. Longfellow. 
 
 . 61 Fairy Land of Science, The. Buckley. 
 
 . . 68 Greek Heroes. Kingsley. 
 . . 69 Gulliver's Travels. Swift. 
 
 . . 75 Haunted Man, The. Dickens. 
 
 . . 76 Heroes a-nd Hero Worship. Carlyle. 
 
 ... 77 Hi'Awatha, The Song of. Longfellow. 
 
Altemas' Illustrated Vademecum Series 
 
 . . 78 Holmes' Poems. 
 
 . . 79 House of the Seven Gables, The. Haw- 
 thorne. 
 
 . . 80 House of the Wolf, The. Weyman. 
 . . 81 Hyperion. Longfellow. 
 
 . . 87 Idle Thoughts of an Idle Fellow, The. 
 Jerome. 
 
 c . 88 Idylls of the King. Tennyson. 
 . . 90 In Black and White. Kipling. 
 . . 91 In Memoriam. Tennyson. 
 . . 93 In His Steps. Sheldon. 
 
 ..loi Kavanagh. Longfellow. 
 . . 102 Kidnapped. Stevenson. 
 . . 103 Knickerbocker's History of New York. 
 Irving. 
 
 . .169 Lady of the Lake, The. Scott. 
 
 ..no Lalla Rookh. Moore. 
 
 ..Ill Last Essays of Elia. Lamb. 
 
 ..112 Lays of Ancient Rome, The. Macaulay. 
 
 . .114 Light of Asia. Arnold. 
 
 ..115 Light that Failed, The. Kipling. 
 
 ..116 Little Lame Prince, The. Mulock. 
 
 ..117 Longfellow's Poems, Vol. I. 
 
 ..118 Longfellow's Poems, Vol. II. 
 
 ..119 Lowell's Poems. 
 
 . . 120 LuciLE. Meredith. 
 
 . . 122 Legends of the Province-House. Haw- 
 thorne. 
 
 ..126 Magic Nuts, The. Molesworth. 
 . .128 Marmion. Scott. 
 
 ..129 Master of Ballantrae, The. Stevenson, 
 ..130 Milton's Poems. 
 
Altemus^ IllusLrated Vademecum Series 
 
 131 Mine Own People. Kipling. 
 . . 132 Minister of the World, A. Mason. 
 ..133 Mosses from an Old Manse. Hawthorne, 
 ..134 Mulvaney Stories. Kipling. 
 . . 141 Nature, Addresses and Lectures. Emer- 
 son. 
 
 . . 145 Old Christmas. Irving. 
 . . 146 Outre-Mer. Longfellow. 
 
 . .150 Paradise Lost. Milton. 
 
 ..151 Paradise Regained. Milton. 
 
 ..152 Paul and Virginia. Sainte Pierre. 
 
 ..154 Phantom Rickshaw, The. Kipling. 
 
 .,15s Pilgrim's Progress, The. Bunyan. 
 
 . .156 Plain Tales from the Hills. Kipling. 
 
 ..157 Pleasures of Life, The. Lubbock. 
 
 . . 158 Plutarch's Lives. 
 
 . .159 Poe's Poems. 
 
 . . 160 Prince of the House of David, The. 
 
 Ingraham. 
 . 161 Princess and Maud. Tennyson. 
 , . 162 Prue and I. Curtis. 
 
 . . 169 Queen of the Air, The. Ruskin. 
 
 . .172 Rab and His Friends. Brown. 
 
 ..173 Representative Men. Emerson. 
 
 ..174 Reveries of a Bachelor, The. Mitchell. 
 
 , .175 Rip Van Winkle. Irving. 
 
 . .176 Romance of a Poor Young Man. Feuillet. 
 
 ..177 Rubaiyat of Omar Khayyam. 
 
 ..179 Robert Hardy's Seven Days. Sheldon. 
 
 . . 182 Samantha a-t Saratoga. Holley, 
 . . 183 Sartor Resartus. Carlyle. 
 
Altemus' Illustrated V?iemecum Serie 
 
 . . 184 Scarlet Letter, The. Hawthorne. 
 
 . . 185 School for Scandal, The. Sheridan. 
 
 . . 187 Sesame and Lilies. Ruskin. 
 
 ..188 Shakespeare's Heroines. Jameson. 
 
 ..189 She Stoops to Conquer. Goldsmith. 
 
 ..190 Silas Marner. Eliot. 
 
 ..191 Sketch Book, The. Irving. 
 
 . . 192 Snow Image, The. Hawthorne. 
 
 . . 193 Shadowless Man, The. Chamisso. 
 
 . . 199 Tales from Shakespeare. Lamb. 
 
 . .200 Tanglewood Tales. Hawthorne. 
 
 . .203 Ten Nights in a Bar-Room. Arthur. 
 
 . .204 Things Will Take a Turn. Harraden. 
 
 . .205 Thoughts. Marcus Aurelius. 
 
 . .206 Through the Looking Glass. Carroll. 
 
 . .207 Tom Brown's School Days. Hughes. 
 
 . .208 Treasure Island. Stevenson. 
 
 . .209 Twice Told Tales. Hazvthorne. 
 
 . .210 Two Years Before the Mast. Dana. 
 
 . .217 Uncle Tom's Cabin. Stowe. 
 
 . .223 Vicar of Wakefield, The. Goldsmith. 
 
 . .226 Walden. Thoreau. 
 
 . .227 Water-Babies, The. Kingsley. 
 
 . .228 Weird Tales. Poe. 
 
 . .230 Whittier's Poems, Vol. L 
 
 . .231 Whittier's Poems, Vol. II. 
 
 . .232 Window in Thrums. JBarrie. 
 
 . .234 Wonder Book, A. Hawthorne. 
 
 . .241 Yellowplush Papers, The. Thackeray. 
 
 . .244 ZoE. By author of "Laddie" etc. 
 
Altemus' Illustrated Petit-Trianon Series 
 
 ; Altemus' 
 Illustrated Petit-Trianon Series 
 
 A selected list of popular titles in handy 
 volume size, presented in dainty and effective 
 bindings. Half white vellum and gold, with 
 artistic effects in colors. Gold sides and gilt 
 top, boxed, 50 cents. 
 
 . . I Abbe Constantin^ The. Halevy. 
 
 . . 2 Adventures of a Brownie. Mulock. 
 
 . . 3 Alice's Adventures in Wonderland. 
 Carroll. 
 
 . , 6 Autocrat of the Breakfast Table, The. 
 Holmes. 
 
 . . 10 Allegories of the Heart. Hawthorne. 
 
 . . II Bab Ballads and Savoy Songs. Gilbert. 
 
 . . 13 Balzac's Shorter Stories. 
 
 . . 16 Biglow Papers, The. Lowell. 
 
 .. 17 Black Beauty.- Sewell. 
 
 . . 18 Blithedale Romance, The. Hawthorne. 
 
 . . 19 Bracebridge Hall. Irving. 
 
 . . 20 Bryant's Poems. 
 
 . . 24 Black Rock. Connor. 
 
 . . 26 Camille. Dumas, Jr. 
 
 . . 27 Carmen. Merimee. 
 
 . . 28 Charlotte Temple. Rowson. 
 
 . . 30 Child's Garden of Verses, A. Stevenson. 
 
 ..31 Childe Harold's Pilgrimage. Byron. 
 
 . . 32 Chimes, The. Dickens. 
 
 . . 33 Christie's Old Organ. Walton. 
 
 . . 34 Christmas Carol, A. Dickens. 
 
Altemus' Illustrated Petit-Trianon Series 
 
 . . 36 Cranford. Gaskell. 
 
 . . 37 Cricket on the Hearth, The. Dickens. 
 
 . . 40 Crucifixion of Philip Strong, The. 
 Sheldon. 
 
 . . 42 Courtship of Miles Standish, The. 
 Longfellow. 
 
 . . 44 Days with Sir ?vOGer De Coverley. 
 Addison. 
 
 . . 46 Dog of Flanders^ A. Ouida. 
 . . 47 Dream Life. Mitchell. 
 
 . . 53 Endymion. Keats. 
 
 . . 56 Evangeline. Longfellow. 
 
 . . 57 Elizabeth and her German Garden. 
 
 . . 58 English Woman's Love Letters, An, 
 
 . . 62 Fanchon. Sand. 
 
 . . 68 Greek Heroes. Kingsley. 
 . . 69 Gulliver's Travels. Swift. 
 
 . . 77 Hiawatha, The Song of. Longfellow. 
 . . 78 Holmes' Poems. 
 
 . . 79 House of the Seven Gables, The. Haw- 
 thorne. 
 
 . . 81 Hyperion. Longfellow. 
 
 . . 87 Idle Thoughts of an Idle Fellow. 
 Jerome. 
 
 . . 88 Idylls of the King. Tennyson. 
 . . 91 In Memoriam. Tennyson. 
 . . 93 In His Steps. Sheldon. 
 
 . . 96 Jessica's First Prayer. Stretton. 
 
 . . 97 J. Cole. Gellibrand. 
 
 . . loi Kavanagh. Longfellow. 
 
 . .102 Kidnapped. Stevenson. 
 
 . . 103 Knickerbocker's History of New York. 
 Irving. 
 
Altemus' Illustrated Petit-Trianon Series 
 
 . . 107 La Belle Nivernaise. Daudet. 
 
 ..108 Laddie and Miss Toosey's Mission. 
 
 ..109 Lady of the Lake, The. Scott. 
 
 ..no Lalla Rookh. Moore. 
 
 ..112 Lays of Ancient Rome, The. Macaulay. 
 
 ..114 Light of Asia, The. Arnold. 
 
 ..116 Little Lame Prince, The. Mulock. 
 
 ..117 Longfellow's Poems, Vol, L 
 
 . .118 Longfellow's Poems, Vol. IL 
 
 ..119 Lowell's Poems. 
 
 . . 120 Lucille. Meredith. 
 
 . . 122 Legends of the Province-House. Haw 
 thorne. 
 
 , . 126 Magic Nuts, The. Molesworth. 
 . . 127 Manon Lescaut. Prevost. 
 . . 128 Marmion. Scott. 
 ..130 Milton's Poems. 
 
 . .133 Mosses from an Old Manse. Hawthorne. 
 
 . . 145 Old Christmas. Irving. 
 
 . . 146 Outre- Mer. Longfellow. 
 
 . . 150 Paradise Lost. Milton. 
 
 ..151 Paradise Regained. Milton. 
 
 . . 152 Paul and Virginia. Sainte Pierre. 
 
 ..157 Pleasures of Life, The. Lubbock. 
 
 . .159 Poe's Poems. 
 
 • , 161 Princess and Maud. Tennyson. 
 . . 162 Prue and I. Curtis. 
 
 . . 169 Queen of the Air, The. Ruskin. 
 ..172 Rab and His Friends. Brown. 
 ..174 Reveries of a Bachelor, The. Mitchell. 
 ..175 Rip Van Winkle. Irving. 
 
 ..177 RUBAIYAT OF OmAR KhAYYAM. 
 
Altemus' Illustrated Petit-Trianon Series 
 
 ..179 Robert Hardy's Seven Days. Sheldon. 
 
 ,.184 Scarlet Letter, The. Hazvthorne. 
 
 . . 186 Sentimental Journey, A. Sterne. 
 
 . . 187 Sesame and Lilies. Ruskin. 
 
 ..188 Shakespeare's Heroines. Jameson. 
 
 . . 189 She Stoops to Conquer. Goldsmith. 
 
 . . igo Silas Marner. Eliot. 
 
 . . 191 Sketch Book, The. Irving. 
 
 ..192 Snow Image, The. Hawthorne. 
 
 . . 199 Tales from Shakespeare. Lamb. 
 ..200 Tanglewood Tales. Hawthorne. 
 . .201 Tartarin of Tarascon. Daudet. 
 . .202 Tartarin on the Alps. Daudet. 
 ..204 Things Will Take a Turn. Harraden. 
 . .206 Through the Looking Glass, and What 
 Alice Found There. Carroll. 
 
 . .207 Tom Brown's School Days. Hughes. 
 
 . .208 Treasure Island. Stevenson. 
 
 . .209 Twice Told Tales. Hawthorne. 
 
 . .210 Two Years Before the Mast. Dana. 
 
 . .217 Uncle Tom's Cabin. Stowe. 
 
 . .218 Undine. Fouque. 
 
 . .222 Vic, the Autobiography of a Fox- 
 
 Terrier. Marsh. 
 . .223 Vicar of Wakefield, The. Goldsmith. 
 . .224 Visits of Elizabeth, The. Elinor Glyn. 
 . .226 Walden. Thoreau. 
 . .227 Water-Babies, The. Kingsley. 
 . .230 Whittier's Poems, Vol. I. 
 . .231 Whittier's Poems, Vol. II. 
 . .232 Window in Thrums, A. Barrie. 
 - .234 Wonder Book, A. Hawthorne. 
 . .244 ZoE. By author of "Laddie," etc. 
 
Altemus' Young People's Library 
 
 Altemus' Young People's Library 
 
 A new series of choice literature" for chil ■ 
 dren, selected from the best and most popular 
 works. The handsomest and most attractive 
 series of juvenile classics before the public. 
 
 Fine English cloth, handsome new original 
 designs, colored pictures, 50 cents. 
 
 ' . . I The Adventures of Robinson Crusoe. 70 
 illustrations. 
 
 . . 2 Alice's Adventures in Wonderland. 42 
 illustrations. 
 
 3 Through the Lookinc Glass and What 
 
 Alice Found There. 50 illustrati-ons. 
 
 4 Bunyan's Pilgrim's Progress. 46 illus- 
 
 trations. 
 
 . . 5 A Child's Story of the Bible. 72 illus- 
 trations. 
 
 . . 6 A Child's Life of Christ. 49 illustrations. 
 
 . . 7 ^sop's Fables. 62 illustrations. 
 
 . . 8 Swiss Family Robinson. 50 illustrations. 
 
 . . 9 Christopher Columbus and the Dis- 
 covery OF America. 70 illustrations. 
 
 . . 10 Exploration and Adventure in Africa. 
 80 illustrations. 
 II Gulliver's Travels. 50 illustrations. 
 
 . . 12 Mother Goose's Rhymes, Jingles and 
 Fairy Tales. 234 illustrations. 
 
Altemus' Young People's Library 
 
 . . 13 Lives of the Presidents of the United 
 States. With portraits and illustra- 
 tions. 
 
 , . 14 The Story of the Frozen Seas. 70 illus- 
 trations. 
 
 , . IS Wood's Natural History. 80 illustrations. 
 
 . . 16 Dickens' Child's History of England. 
 80 i'ilustrations. 
 
 . . 17 Black Beauty. By Anna Sewell. 50 illus- 
 trations. 
 
 . . 18 Arabian Nights' Entertainments. 130 
 illustrations. 
 
 . . 19 Andersen's Fairy Tales. 75 illustrations. 
 
 . . 20 Grimm's Fairy Tales. 50 illustrations. 
 
 . . 21 Grandfather's Chair. By Nathaniel Haw- 
 thorne. 68 illustrations. 
 
 . . 22 Flower Fables. By Louisa M. Alcott. 50 
 illustrations. 
 23 Aunt Martha's Corner Cupboard. By 
 Mary and Elizabeth Kirby. 54 illus- 
 trations. 
 
 . . 24 Water Babies. By Charles Kingsley. 84 
 illustrations. 
 
 , . 25 Battles of the War for Independence. 
 
 By Prescott Holmes. 70 illustrations. 
 , . 26 Battles of the War for the Union. By 
 
 Prescott Holmes. 80 illustrations. 
 . . 27 Young People's History of tee War 
 
 with Spain. 50 illustrations. 
 .. 28 Heroes of the United States Navy. 60 
 
 illustrations. 
 
Altemus' Young People's Library 
 
 » . 29 Military Heroes of the United States. 
 60 illustrations. 
 
 . . 30 Uncle Tom's Cabin. 90 illustrations. 
 
 o. 31 Vic; the Autobiography of a Fox- 
 Terrier. By Marie More Marsh, Illus- 
 trated. 
 
 . c 32 Tales from Shakespeare. By Charles 
 and Mary Lamb. 65 illustrations. 
 
 o . 3o Adventures in Toylanjj. 70 illustrations. 
 
 . . 34 Adventures of a Brownie. 18 illustrations. 
 
 . . 35 Mixed Pickles. 31 illastrations. 
 
 . . 36 Little Lame Prince. 24 illustrations. 
 
 . . 37 The Sleepy Kjng. 77 illustrations. 
 
 , . -^8 Rip Van Winkle. By Washington Irving. 
 
 46 illustrations. 
 . . 39 A Child's Garden of Verses. By Robert 
 
 Louis Stevenson. 100 illustrations. 
 . . 40 Romulus, the Founder of Rome. By 
 
 Jacob Abbott. 49 illustrations. 
 41 Cyrus the Great, the Founder of the 
 
 Persian Empire. By Jacob Abbott. 
 
 40 illustrations. 
 
 , . 42 Dasius the Great, King of the Medes 
 AND Persians. By Jacob Abbott. 34 
 illustrations. 
 
 43 Xerxes the Great, King of Persia. By 
 Jacob Abbott. 39 illustrations. 
 CO. 44 Alexander the Great, King of Macedon. 
 By Jacob Abbott. 51 illustrations. 
 
Altemus' Young People's Library 
 
 45 Pyrrhus, King of Epirus. By Jacob 
 
 Abbott. 45 illustrations. 
 . . 46 Hannibal, the Carthaginian. By Jacob 
 
 Abbott. 2>7 illustrations. 
 . . 47 Julius C^isar, the Roman Conqueror. 
 
 By Jacob Abbott. 44 illustrations. 
 
 . . 48 Alfred the Great, of England. By Jacob 
 Abbott. 40 illustrations. 
 
 . . 49 William the Conqueror, of England, 
 By Jacob Abbott. 43 illustrations. 
 
 . . 50 Hernando Cortez, the Conqueror of Mex- 
 ico. By Jacob Abbott. 30 illustrations. 
 
 51 Mary, Queen of Scots. By Jacob Abbott. 
 45 illustrations. 
 
 . . 52 Queen Elizabeth, of England. By Jacob 
 Abbott. 49 illustrations. 
 
 . , S3 King Charles the First, of England. By 
 Jacob Abbott. 41 illustrations. 
 
 . . 54 King Charles the Second, of England 
 By Jacob Abbott. 38 illustrations. 
 
 . . 55 Marie Antoinette, Queen of France. By 
 John S. C. Abbott. 30 illustrations. 
 
 . . 56 Madame Roland. A Heroine of the 
 French Revolution. By Jacob Abbott, 
 42 illustrations. 
 
 • • 57 Josephine, Empress of France. By Jacob 
 Abbott. 40 illustrations. 
 
 . . 58 Animal Stories for Little People. 50 
 illustrations. 
 
Altemus' Grolier Series 
 
 Altemus' Grolier Series 
 
 A library of choice literature embracing the 
 masterpieces of famous authors. Ooze calf. 
 Deckle edges, gilt top, boxed, ^1.25. 
 
 . . I Abbe Constantin, The. Halevy. 
 
 c . 5 Autobiography of Benjamin Franklin. 
 
 . . 29 Chesterfield's Letters, Sentences anb 
 
 Maxims. 
 . . 36 Cranford. GaskelL 
 
 .. 42 Courtship of Miles Standish, The, 
 
 Longfellow. 
 . . 47 Dream Life. Mitc-hell. 
 
 51 Emerson's Essays, First Series. 
 . . 52 Emerson's Essays, Second Series, 
 , . 56 Evangeline. Longfellow. 
 = . 77 Hiawatha, The Song of. Longfellow. 
 o . 87 Idle Thoughts of an Idle Fellow, The. 
 
 Jerome. 
 
 o .109 Lady of the Lake, The. Scott 
 
 ..iio Lalla Rookh. Moore. 
 
 = .117 Longfellow's Poems, Vol. I. 
 
 0.118 Longfellow's Poems, Vol. II. 
 
 ..119 Lowell's Poems. 
 
 . . 120 Lucile. Meredith. 
 
 ..150 Paradise Lo.^t. Milton. 
 
 , .'157 Pleasures of Life, The. Lubbock. 
 
 0.162 Psue and I. Curtis. 
 
 ..174 Reveries of a Bachelor. Mitchell. 
 
 ..177 Rubaiyat of Omar Khayyam, ThEo 
 
 « . 183 Sartor Resartus. Carlyle. 
 
Altemus' Mother Goose Setfes 
 
 .0I87 Sesame and Lilies. Ruskin. 
 
 ..188 Shakespeare's Heroines. Jameson. 
 
 . .223 Vicar of Wakefield, The. Goldsmith. 
 
 . .230 Whittier's Poems, Vol. I. 
 
 ..231 Whittier's Poems, Vol. II. 
 
 Altemus' Mother Goose Series 
 
 Entiiely new editions of the most popular 
 books for young people, each volume contain- 
 ing about one hundred illustrations. 
 
 Half vellum, illuminated sides (6j^x8^ 
 mches), price, 50 cents. 
 
 . . I Aladdin ; or. The Wonderful Lamp. 
 
 . . 2 Our Animal Friends. 
 
 . . 3 Beauty and the Beast. 
 
 . . 4 Bird Stories for Little People. 
 
 , 5 Cinderella; or. The Little Glass Slip 
 
 6 The House that Jack Built. 
 . . 7 Jack and the Bean-Stalk. 
 , . 8 Jack the Giant-Killer. 
 . . 9 Little Red Riding Hood. 
 o . 10 Puss in Boots. 
 .. II The Sleeping Beauty. 
 . . 12 Who Kjlled Cock Robin ? 
 
 PER. 
 
Altemus' Good Times Series 
 
 Altemus' Good Times Series • 
 
 Each volume contains qualities which chil- 
 dren will be quick to perceive and appreciate, 
 and strongly appeals to those who judiciously 
 select what children shall read. 
 
 Cloth, illuminated covers, profusely illus- 
 trated (sH^^H inches), 50 cents. 
 
 Under the Stars. Four beautiful stories 
 from the life of Jesus. By Florence 
 Morse Kingsley. 
 , . 2 The Story of the Robins. By Sarah 
 Trimmer. 
 
 3 Jackanapes. By Juliana H. Ewing. 
 . . 4 The Christmas Stocking. By Elisabeth 
 W ether ell. 
 
 5 Laddie. By the author of "Miss Toosey's 
 Mission." 
 
 . . 6 Making a Start. By Tudor Jenks. 
 . . 7 The Story of a Donkey. By Madame 
 La Comtesse De Segur. 
 
 8 Miss Toossy's Mission. By the author of 
 
 "Laddie." 
 
 9 A Blue Grass Beauty. By Gabrielle E. 
 
 Jackson. 
 
 10 The Story of a Short Life. By Juliana 
 H. Ewing. 
 
 ... II Jessica's First Prayer. By Hesba S tret- 
 ton. 
 
 . 12 The Adventures of Barqn Munchausen. 
 By Rudolph Erich Raspe. 
 
Altemus' Dainty Series of Choice Gift Books 
 
 Altemus' Illustrated Dainty Series of 
 Choice Gift Books 
 
 Bound in half-white vellum, illuminated 
 sides, unique designs in gold and colors, with 
 numerous half-tone illustrations. Size, 6^x8 
 inches. Price, 50 cents. 
 
 . . I The Silver Buckle. By M. Naialme 
 Crumpton. With 12 illustrations. 
 
 . . 2 Charles Dickens' Children Stories. 
 With 30 illustrctions. 
 
 . . 3 The Children's Shakespeare. With 30 
 illustrations. 
 
 . . 4 Young Robin Hood. By G. Manvillc Fetin. 
 With 30 illustrations. 
 
 . . 5 Honor Bright. By Mary C. RowsclL 
 With 24 illustrations. 
 
 . . 6 The Voyage of the Mary Adair. By 
 Frances E. Crompton. With 19 illus- 
 trations. 
 
 . . 7 The Kingfisher's Egg. By L. T. Meade. 
 With 24 illustrations. 
 
 . . 8 Tattine. By Ruth Ogden. With 24 illus- 
 trations. 
 
 . . 9 The Doings of a Dear Little Couple. By 
 Mary D. Brine. With 20 illustrations. 
 
 . . ID Our Soldier Boy. By G. Manville Fenn. 
 With 23 illustrations. 
 
 .. II The Little Skipper. By G. Manv'Me 
 Fenn. With 22 illustrations. 
 
Altemus' Illustrated Best Thoughts Series 
 
 . . 12 Little Gervaise and other Stories. With 
 
 22 illustrations. 
 . . 13 The Christmas Fairy. By John Strange 
 
 Winter. With 24 illustrations. 
 . . 14 Molly the Drummer Boy. By Harriet T. 
 
 Comstock. With original illustrations. 
 . . 15 How a "Dear Little Couple"' Went 
 
 Abroad. By Mary D. Brine. With 17 
 
 ilhistrations. 
 
 Altemus' Illustrated Best Thoughts 
 Series 
 
 Popular Religious Literature, well printed 
 on fine paper, handsomely illustrated, and 
 durably bound in handy volume size. Cloth, 
 boxed, 50 cents. 
 
 . . 4 Best Thoughts. From Henry Driimmond. 
 
 . . 6 Brooks' Addresses. 
 
 . .14 Daily Food for Christians. 
 
 ..17 Drummond's Addresses. 
 
 . .19 Gold Dust. 
 
 . .21 Imitation of Christ, The. A'Kempis. 
 . .24 John Ploughman's Pictures. Spurgeon. 
 " . .25 John Ploughman's Talk. Spurgeon. 
 . .26 Kept for the Master's Use. Haver gal. 
 . .35 Natural Law in the Spiritual World. 
 Drummond. 
 
 . .42 Prince of the House of David, The. In- 
 graham. 
 
 . .46 Stepping Heavenward. Prentiss. 
 
Altemus' Illustrated One-Syllable Series 
 
 Altemus' Illustrated One-Syllable Seriks 
 For Young Readers 
 
 Embracing popular works arranged for the 
 young folks in words of one syllable. Printed 
 from extra-large, clear type on fine paper, and 
 fully illustrated by the best artists. The hand- 
 somest line of books for young children before 
 the public. 
 
 Handsomely bound in cloth and gold, with 
 illuminated sides, 50 cents. 
 
 . . I yEsop's Fables. 62 illustrations. 
 
 . . 2 A Child's Life of Christ. 49 illustra- 
 tions. 
 
 . . 4 The Adventures of Robinson Crusoe. 70- 
 illustrations. 
 
 . . 5 Bunyan's Pilgrim's Progress. 46 illus- 
 trations. 
 
 . . 6 Swiss Family Robinson. 50 illustrations, 
 
 . . 7 Gulliver's Travels. 50 illustrations. 
 
 . . 9 A Child's Story of the Old Testament. 
 
 33 illustrations. 
 , . 10 A Child's Story of the New Testament. 
 
 40 illustrations. 
 „ . II Bible Stories for Little Children. 41 
 
 illustrations. 
 . . 12 The Story of Jesus. 40 illustrations. 
 
Altemus' In His Name Seri^ 
 
 Altemus' In His Name Series 
 
 Gems of religious thought, counsel and con- 
 solation, selected from the most famous relig- 
 ious authors. Printed in a superior manner on 
 fine paper. Half white vellum and gold, with 
 exquisite floral sides. 25 cents, 
 
 FRANCES RIDLEY HAVERGAL. 
 . . I My King. 
 
 . , 2 Royal Bounty for the King's Getests. 
 . . 3 Royal Commandments for the King's 
 Servants. 
 
 . . 4 RoY'AL Invitation for the King's Chil- 
 dren. 
 
 , . 5 Loyal Responses for the King's Min- 
 strels. 
 . . 6 Little Pillows. 
 . . 7 Morning Bells. 
 . . 8 Ke^t for the Master's Use. 
 
 PHILLIPS BROOKS. 
 
 . . 9 The Christ m Whom Christians Be- 
 lieve. 
 . . 10 True Liberty. 
 
 . .11 The Beauty of a Life of Service. 
 . . 12 Thought and Action. 
 . .42 The Duty of the Christian Business 
 Man. 
 
 dwight l. moody. 
 
 ..13 H©w TG Study the Bible, 
 
Altemus' In His Name Series 
 
 ANDREW MURRAY. 
 
 . . 14 LoRD^ Teach Us to Pray. 
 
 . .15 In My Name. 
 
 . .41 Have Faith in God. 
 
 HENRY DRUMMOND. 
 
 . .16 The Greatest Thing in the World. 
 ..17 Eternal Life. 
 
 . . 18 What Is a Christian ? The Study of 
 
 the Bible; A Talk on Books. 
 , .19 The Changed Life. 
 . .20 First ! A Talk with Boys. 
 . .45 How TO Learn How. 
 . .46 Pax Vobiscum. 
 
 MARTIN LUTHER. 
 
 . .21 God's Word and God's Work» 
 
 THOMAS ARNOLD. 
 . .22 Faith. 
 
 WILLIAM E. GLADSTONE. 
 . .23 The Creation Story. 
 
 ASHTON OXENDEN. 
 
 . .24 The Message of Comfort. 
 
 DEAN STANLEY. 
 
 . .25 The Lord's Prayer and the Ten Com- 
 mandments. 
 
 ELISABETH ROBINSON SCOVIL. 
 
 . .26 Hyhns of Praise and Gladness. 
 . .27 Morning Strength. 
 . .28 Evening Comfort, 
 
Altemus' In His Name Series 
 
 HANNAH WHITALL SMITH. 
 . .29 Difficulties. 
 
 REV. F. B. MEYER. 
 
 . .30 The Heavenly Vision. 
 
 . .31 Words of Help for Christian Girls. 
 
 HESBA STRETTON. 
 
 . .32 Jessica's First Prayer. 
 • -33 Jessica's Mother. 
 
 R. W. CHURCH. 
 
 . .34 The Message of Peace. 
 
 ROBERT HORTON. 
 . .35 The Memoirs of Jesus. 
 
 HENRY WARD BEECHER. 
 . .36 Industry and Idleness. 
 . .37 Popular Amusements. 
 . .38 Twelve Causes of Dishonesty. 
 
 E. S. ELLIOT. 
 . .39 Expectation Corner. 
 
 J. R. MILLER. 
 
 . .40 The Old and the New. , 
 
 DR. A. T. PIERSON. 
 . .43 The Second Coming of Our Lord. 
 
 EDITH V. BRADT. 
 . .44 For the Quiet Hour. 
 
Altemus' Love and Friendship Series 
 
 Altemus' Love and Friendship Serie-s 
 
 Dainty, inexpensive volumes, very popular 
 as gifts for holidays and anniversaries. Half 
 white vellum and gold with exquisite floral 
 sides, 25 cents. 
 
 RALPH WALDO EMERSON. 
 . . I Love and Friendship. 
 . . 2 Intellect. 
 . . 3 Self Reliance. 
 . . 4 Manners. 
 . . 5 Character. 
 . . 6 Spiritual Law. 
 
 FREDERIC HARRISON. 
 
 . . 7 The Use and Misuse of Books* 
 
 EUGENE FIELD. 
 
 . . 8 The Tribune Primer. 
 
 EMMA GELLIBRAND. 
 . . 9 J. Cole. 
 . . 10 Max and Geralds 
 
 MATTHEW ARNOLD. 
 ..II Sweetness and Light. 
 
 EDWARD EVERETT HALE. 
 ..12 Independence Day. 
 
 SIR JOHN LUBBOCK. 
 . . 13 Art, Poetry and Music. 
 . . 14 The. Beauties of Nature; 
 
Altemus' Love and Friendship Series 
 
 . .15 The Choice of Books. 
 . .16 The Destiny of Man. 
 
 RUDYARD KIPLING. 
 
 . .17 The Drums of the Fore and Aft. 
 
 . . 18 The Three Musketeess. 
 
 . .19 On the City Wall. 
 
 . .20 The Man W-ho Was. 
 
 . .21 The Judgment of Dungara. 
 
 . .22 The Courting of Dinah Shadd. 
 
 ..23 On Greenhow Hill. 
 
 WASHINGTON IRVING. 
 . .24 Rip Van Winkle. 
 . .25 The Legend of Sleepy Hollow. 
 . .26 Old Chmstmas. 
 
 JOHN RUSKIN. 
 . .27 Work. 
 
 BY THE AUTHOR OF ^'LADDIE." 
 . .28 Miss Togsey's Mission. 
 . .29 Laddie. 
 
 MAURICE HEWLETT. 
 
 (Aurthor sf "Richard Yea and Nay") 
 . .30 A Sacrifice at Prato. 
 . .31 Quattrocentisteria. 
 
 RALPH CONNOR. 
 
 (Author of "Black Rock.") 
 . .32 Beyond the Marshes, 
 
 W. A. FRASER. 
 
 (Author of "Mooswa.") 
 • -33 Sorrow. 
 
Altemus' Illustrated Holly-Tree Series 
 
 Altemus' Illustrated Holly-Tree Series 
 
 A series of good, clean books for young 
 people, by authors whose fame for delightful 
 stories is world-wide. They are well printed 
 on fine paper, handsomely illustrated, have 
 colored frontispieces, and are bound in cloth 
 decorated in gold and colors. 50 cents. 
 
 . . I The Holly-Tree. By diaries Dickens. 
 2 Then Marcheb the Br.we. By Harriet 
 T. Conistoek. 
 
 . . 3 A Modern Cinderella. By Louiia M. Al~ 
 
 cott. 
 
 . . 4 The Little Missionary. By Amanda M.. 
 Douglas. 
 
 . . 5 The Rule of Three. By Susan Cool- 
 idg-e. 
 
 . . 6 Chuggins. H. Irving Hancock. 
 
 7 When the British Came. By Harriet T. 
 Comstock. 
 
 . o Little Foxes. By Rose Terry Cooke. 
 . . 9 An Unrecorded Miracle. By Florence 
 
 Morse Kingsley. 
 . . 10 The Story Without an End. By Sai-ah 
 . Austin. 
 
 . . II Clover's Princess. By Amanda M. Douglas, 
 . . 12 The Sweet Story of Old. By L. Haskell 
 
Altemus' Illustrated Banbury Cross Series 
 Altemus' Illustrated Banbury Cross Series 
 
 This is a series of old favorites — immortal 
 tales of which children never tire. Each vol- 
 ume is printed with great care on plate paper, 
 •and contains about forty beautiful illustrations, 
 including a frontispiece in colors. Square 
 i6mo, half vellum and gold, with illuminated 
 sides. Price, 50 cents each. 
 
 1 Old Mother Hubbarb. 
 
 2 Chicken Little. 
 
 3 Blue Beard. 
 
 4 Tom Thumb. 
 
 5 The Three Bears. 
 
 6 The White Cat. ' 
 
 7 The Fairy Gifts. 
 
 8 Snow White and Rose Red. 
 
 9 Aladdin ; or, the Wonderful Lamp. 
 10 Ali Baba and the Forty Thieves. 
 
 Altemus' Illustrated Wee Books 
 for Wee Folks 
 
 Filled with charming stories, beautifully 
 illustrated with pictures in colors, and black 
 and white. Daintily, yet durably bound. 
 Price, 50 cents each. 
 
 . . I Nursery Tales. 
 
 . . 2 Nursery Rhymes. 
 
 .. . 3 The Story of Peter Rabbet. 
 
 , . 4 The" Foolish Fox. 
 
 „ . 5 Three Little Pigs. 
 
 ^ . 6 The Robber Kitten. 
 
Altemus' Edition Shakespeare's Plays 
 
 Altemus' Edition Shakespeare's Plays 
 
 Handy volume size. Cloth binding, gold 
 top, illuminated title and frontispiece, 35 cents. 
 Full limp leather, gold top, 50 cents. 
 
 . . I All's Well that Ends Well. 
 
 . . 2 Antony and Cleopatra. 
 
 . . 3 A Midsummer Night's Dream. 
 
 . . 4 As You Like It. 
 
 . . 5 Comedy of Errors. 
 
 . . 6 Coriolanus. 
 
 . . 7 Cymbeline. 
 
 . . 8 Hamlet. 
 
 , . 9 Julius C^sar. 
 
 . . 10 King Henry IV. (Part I.) 
 
 .. II King Henry IV. (Part II.) 
 
 , . 12 King Henry V. 
 
 . . 13 King Henry VI. (Part I.) 
 
 .. 14 King Henry VI. (Part II.) 
 
 . . IS King Henry VI. (Part III.) 
 
 . . 16 King Henry VIII. 
 
 . . 17 King John. 
 
 . . 18 King Lear. 
 
 . . 19 King Richard II. 
 
 . . 20 King Richard III. 
 
 . . 21 Love's Labor Lost. 
 
 . . 22 Macbeth. 
 
 . . 23 Measure for Measure. 
 
 . . 24 Much Ado About Nothing. 
 
 . . 25 Othello. 
 
 . . 26 Pericles. 
 
Altemus' Illustrated Young People's Histories 
 
 . 27 R0MEO AND Juliet. 
 
 . 28 The Merchant ©f Venice. 
 
 . 29 The Merry Wives of Windsor. 
 
 . 30 The Taming of the Shrew. 
 
 . 31 The Tempest. 
 
 . 32 The Two Gentlemen of Verona. 
 
 . 33 The Winter's Tale. 
 
 . 34 TiMON of Athens. 
 
 . 35 Titus Andronicus. 
 
 . 36 Troilus and Cressida. 
 
 • 37 Twelfth Night. 
 
 . 38 Venus and Adonis and Lucrece. 
 
 . 39 Sonnets, Passionate Pilgrim, etc. 
 
 Altemus' Illustrated Young People's 
 Histories 
 by edward s. ellis, a. m. 
 
 Profusely illustrated with frontispieces, por- 
 traits of the great makers of history, and superb 
 pictures of leading events and incidents, making 
 the handsomest and most interesting series of 
 Histories ever offered for young readers. 
 
 Cloth, illustrated, ^i.oo each. 
 
 Young People's History of the United States. 
 Young People's Hist®ry ©f England. 
 Young People's History qf France. 
 Young People's History of Germany. 
 
Publications of Henry Altemus Company 
 
 Naked Truths and Veiled Alxusions. By Minna 
 Thomas Antrim. Cloth, ornamental, $0.50^ 
 ooze calf, gilt top, boxed, $1.00. 
 
 The Wisdom of the Foolish and the Folly of 
 THE Wise. By Mituia Thomas Antrim, au- 
 thor of "Naked Truths and Veiled Allusions." 
 Cloth, ornamental, $0.50; ooze calf, gilt top 
 boxed, $1.00. 
 
 A Book of Toasts. By Minna Thomas Antrim, 
 author of "Naked Truths and Veiled Allu- 
 sions." Cloth, ©rnamental, $0.50; ooze calf, 
 gilt top, boxed, $«.oo. 
 
 Dont's for Girls. By Minna Thomas Antrim. 
 A Manual of Mistakes. Cloth, ornamental, 
 $0.50; ooze calf; gilt tap, boxed, $1.00. 
 
 Dont's for Boys. By An Old Boy. Errors of 
 Conduct Corrected. Cloth, ornamental, $©.50; 
 ooze calf, gilt top, boxed, $1.00. 
 
 The Love Letters of a Coquette. By Warren A. 
 Hazvley. Cloth, ornamental, $0.50; ooze calf, 
 gilt top, boxed, $1.00. 
 
 Altemus' Conversation Dictionaries. 
 
 English- French, English-German, English- 
 Spanish. $1.00 each. 
 
 Beautiful Stories from the Old Testament. 
 Half vellum with illuminated sides. 45 illus- 
 trations 50 
 
 Beautiful Stories from the New Testament. 
 Half vellum with illuminated sides. 45 illus- 
 trations 50 
 
Publications of Henry Altemus Company 
 
 Brewer's Dictionary of Phrase and Fable. By 
 Rev. E. Cobham Brewer, LL. D. New edi- 
 tion, revised, corrected and enlarged, to which 
 is added a concise bibliography of English 
 literature. Nearly 1,500 pages. Imitation 
 half morocco $1.50 
 
 The Age of Fable; or, Beauties of Mythology. 
 By Thomas BulUnch. With notes, revisions 
 and additions by William H. Klapp, Head- 
 master of the Episcopal Academy, Philadel- 
 phia. Large i2mo, cloth, 448 pages, 200 il- 
 lustrations and a complete index $1.25 
 
 At the Beautiful Gate. By Rev. I. Mench 
 Chambers, A. M. A Book of Poems of the 
 Heart. i2mo, cloth, gilt top, illustrated. . .50 
 "They are as good as sermons— better than many 
 sermons, carrying in them thoughts of helpfulness." 
 
 REV. J. R. MILLER, D. D, 
 
 Bumper and Baby John. By Anna Chapin Ray. 
 i6mo, cloth, illustrated 50 
 
 An irresistibly humorous relation of the haps and 
 mishaps of the homeliest dog in the world, and a delight- 
 ful red-haired and freckled child, whose united ages did 
 not exceed seven years. 
 
 How Bessie Kept House. By Amanda M. Doug- 
 las. i6mo, cloth, illustrated 50 
 
 Bessie was to keep house for her father and brothers 
 and sisters while her mother went on a visit. She had 
 pleaded hard to be allowed to do this; but somehow 
 many things went wrong. What those things were and 
 how her experiences became of the greatest value to her, 
 one must read to find out. 
 
 The Little Boy and the Elephant. By Gus- 
 tavus Frankenstein. i6mo, cloth, illustrated. .50 
 The fascination of the story of Nooro and Pope is 
 
Publications of Henry Altemus Company 
 
 like that of "Muti GuJ, Mutineer," wliich Kipling never 
 wouid have written liad he read the story of the Little 
 Boy and the Elephant. 
 
 Poor Boys' Chances. By John Hahberton. i2mo, 
 cloth, illustrated 5c 
 
 Mr. Habberton's style is clear and delightful. He 
 never preaches, but he drives home his lesson in forceful 
 sentences which are bound to set the reader to thinking. 
 
 Trif and Trixy. i2mo, cloth, illustrated... .50 
 
 A story of a dreadfully delightful little girl and her 
 adoring and tormented parents, relatives, and friends. 
 
 Caps and Capers. By Gabrielle E. J.ackson. i2mo, 
 cloth, illustrated $1.00 
 
 "A happy title to a happy book. A merry chronicle of 
 boarding-school life." — Journal, New York, N. Y. 
 
 Doughnuts and Diplomas. l2mo, cloth, illus- 
 trated $1.00 
 
 The heroine is an energetic piece of femininity and 
 manages an incapable mother and a fatherless family 
 in such a capable way as to obtain the education she 
 covets. Eventually she makes doughnuts in the Adi- 
 rondacks to enable her to acquire a diploma in the 
 University of Mi-chigan. 
 
 Sea Kings and Naval Heroes. By Hartwell 
 James. i2mo, cloth, illustrated 50 
 
 Boys who delight in stories of sea fights and adven- 
 tures — and what boy does not? — will find in "Sea Kings 
 and Naval Heroes" singtilarly realistic descriptions of 
 famous victories and exploits on the broad bosom of 
 old ocean. 
 
 Galopoff^ the Talking Pony. By Tudor Jenks. 
 i2mo, cloth, illustrated $1.00 
 
 "The talking pony is a character with whom children 
 and other people, too, would certainly do well to have 
 a listening acquaintance." — The Criterion, Ne-.v York, N. Y. 
 
 Gypsy, the Talking Dog. By Tudor fenks. 
 i2mo, cloth, illustrated $1.00 
 
 It is hard not to actually believe in the clever dog's 
 feats, and as to the children in the story they are really 
 delightful. The long conversation between Gypsy and 
 "GalopoSf, the Talking Pony" is one of the most hu- 
 morous and interesting chapters in the book. 
 
Publications of Henry Altemus Company 
 
 Paul, a Herald of the Cross. By Florence 
 Morse Kingsley. i2mo, cloth, illustrated in 
 color $1.00 
 
 In these scenes from the life and times of St. Paul, the 
 author presents not merely Paul, the theologian; Paul 
 the setter-forth of "the scheme of salvation"; Paul, the 
 stern ascetic, thundering forth reproof and denunciation 
 against evil-doers— but Paul, the fearless herald of the 
 Cross, pouring out his life like water that he might 
 save the lost; and so reading, we shall long to be 
 numbered among the saints and faithful brethren to 
 whom he writes. 
 
 Stephen, a Soldier of the Cross. By Florence 
 Morse Kingsley. i2mo, cloth, illustrated in 
 color $i.oo 
 
 The story of Stephen is little known; scarcely for a 
 single day does the light shine clearly upon him, and 
 that day the last of his mortal life. As ancient alchem- 
 ists resurrected from the ashes of a perished flower a 
 dim ghost of the flower itself, so the author has gathered 
 the fragrant dust of this vanished life from the writings 
 and legends of past ages, and from it built anew some 
 faint image of its forgotten beauty. 
 
 The Cross Triumphant. By Florence Morje 
 Kingsley. i2mo, cloth, illustrated in color. $i.oo 
 
 A story of "a child of the law" who witnesses, amid 
 the scenes of the recent life and death of Jesus the 
 deepennig conflict between the Law and the Cross. 
 Nazarite, priest, and warrior, influenced by three women 
 of widely-varying character, he beholds at last in the 
 terrible hour of Jerusalem's downfall "The Cross 
 Triumphant." The description of Jewish customs and 
 character is uncommonly good. 
 
 Wings and Fetters. By Florence Morse Kings- 
 ley. i2mo, cloth, illustrated $i.oo 
 
 The heroine is an attractive young woman of nineteen, 
 who sacrifices a life of ease to care for an invalid aunt 
 and her daughter. 
 
 Tor, a Street Boy of Jerusalem. By Florence 
 Morse Kingsley. i2mo, cloth, illustrated. .$i.oo 
 The story of a boy who is healed by Jesus. 
 
Publications of Henry Altemus Company 
 
 The Story of the Golden Fleece. By Andrew 
 Lang. i6mo, cloth, illustrated 50 
 
 It happened long ago, this adventure of the Golden 
 Fleece, but the fame of the heroes who sailed away to 
 a distant land to win themselves renown forever has 
 lived, having been told many times in story and song. 
 Yet who could tell it like Mr. Lang, with his poet s 
 passion for beauty, his artist's eye for color and detail r 
 
 Polly Perkins' Adventures. By E. Louise Lid- 
 dell. i2mo, cloth, illustrated $1.00 
 
 "The girl who loves fairy tales — and that takes in most 
 ^ girls of our acquaintance — will not be satisfied with one 
 reading of Polly's remarkable adventures." — Young Peo- 
 ple's Weekly, Elgin, 111. 
 
 Little Miss Joy-Sing. By John Luther Long. 
 i6mo, cloth, illustrated $i.00 
 
 Little Miss Joy-Sing, with a poppy behind her ear, 
 is a child of the sunshine. She slept and she woke 
 and she wished; and there is a beautiful prince, and a 
 fox that can talk — but the book is too clever to be 
 cut up in pieces for inspection. Mr. Long stands inside 
 the circle of the mighty and always has large audiences. 
 
 The Rise of the Dutch Republic. By John 
 Lothrop Motley. (A History.) Complete in 
 two volumes — over 1,600 pages ; over 50 full- 
 page half-tone engravings and a map. Large 
 
 i2mo, cloth, per set $2.00 
 
 Half morocco, gilt top, per set $3-25 
 
 A new and handsome library edition of a grand his- 
 torical work. Tho masterpiece of a great American 
 historian. 
 
 Manual of Mythology. By Alexander S. Mur- 
 ray. Greek and Roman, Norse and Old Ger- 
 man, Hindoo and Egyptian Mythology. With 
 notes, revisions, and additions by William H. 
 Klapp, Headmaster of the Episcopal Academy, 
 
 Philadelphia. Large i2mo, cloth, 465 pages. 
 Tvfo hundred illustrations $i-25 
 
Publications of Henry Altemus Company 
 
 Witchery V/ays. By Amos R. Wells. i6mo, 
 cloth 50 
 
 Original Fairy Tales which are a never-ending delight 
 to every reader. 
 
 Tommy Foster's Adventures. By Frederic A. 
 Ober. i2mo, cloth, illustrated $1.00 
 
 "Tommy is an everyday, honest, wide-awake little fel- 
 low, who went out into the world by himself and really 
 saw things." — Christian Register, Boston, Mass. 
 
 "A thoroughly breezy story of outdoor life that cannot 
 fail to delight boy readers." — Young People's Weekly, 
 Elgin, III. 
 
 For PrSy and Spoils; or. The Boy Buccaneer. 
 i2mo, cloth, illustrated. 
 
 "This story of a 'boy buccaneer' is calculated to satisfy 
 the most exorbitant demand for action, though the tone 
 of the book is not at all to be feared. It is a good story 
 for tlie holiday season." — St. Lotas Globe-Democrat. 
 
 The Little Lady — Her Book. By Albert Bigelow 
 Paine. i2mo, cloth, illustrated $i.oa 
 
 "A daintier bit of child literature never has been writ- 
 ten than this exquisite story." — The Household Realm, 
 Chicago, 111. 
 
 The Arkansaw Bear. By Albert Bigelow Paine. 
 i2mo, cloth, illustrated $1.00 
 
 In this witty and ingenious book a little boy and a big 
 black bear become companions in adventures that are al- 
 ways diverting, sometimes pathetic, but never tragic. 
 
 The Wanderings of Joe and Em. By Albert 
 Bigelow Paine. i6mo, cloth, illustrated. .50 
 
 Joe is a New Hampshire boy with "a songbird in his 
 throat," and Little Em is his sister. The two orphans 
 start on foot for New York to find a famous opera singer 
 who has heard Joe's voice and told him to come to her. 
 The strange things that happened to them on the way 
 are so delightfully told by Mr. Paine that we come to 
 love both the children. One should not miss a word of 
 this book. 
 
Publications of Henry Altemus Company 
 
 A Little Rough Rider. By Tudor Jenks. i6mo, 
 cloth, illustrated 5° 
 
 The story of a little girl, who, as Senorita Finette, the 
 , equestrienne, saved the fortunes of a circus during the 
 early years of the gold-fever in California. 
 
 Another Year with Denise and Ned Toodles. 
 By Gabrielle E. Jackson. i6mo, cloth, illus- 
 trated 50 
 
 The story of another happy year with Denise and 
 her pets. 
 
 Amy Dora's Amusing Day. By Frank M. Bick- 
 nell. i6mo, cloth, illustrated 50 
 
 The adventures of a little girl in a department store. 
 
 Baby Bible Stories. By Gertrude Smith.. .i6mo, 
 
 ornamental, illustrated 50 
 
 The Baby Bible Stories carry beautiful, easily under- 
 stood lessons to the wee ones. Thousands of mothers will 
 be thankful for them. 
 
 George Washington Jones. A Christmas Gift 
 that Went A-begging. By Ruth McEnery 
 Stuart. i6mo, cloth, ornamental, illus- 
 trated $1.00 
 
 George Washington Jones, "ten years old, little, black, 
 sensitive," tries to give himself away to a lovely young 
 lady who would make him her page, as in the days 
 "befo the wah." Even without the magic of the author's 
 name in the writing world, this book will survive as one 
 of the best and prettiest stories ever written. 
 
 Mary Augusta's Price. By Sophie Swett. i6mo, 
 cloth, illustrated 50 
 
 Of course Mary Augusta is the heroine — her name in 
 full was Mary Augusta Wing— and her aspirations, strug- 
 gles, and development into a successsful business woman 
 are told as only Miss Swett can tell them. To read it is 
 to read a very real book. 
 
Publications of Henry Altemus Company 
 
 Rataplan, a Rogue Elephant, and Other 
 Stories. By Ellen Velvin, F. Z. S. T2ino, 
 cloth, illustrations in color $i.oo 
 
 No better tales of animal life have been written, for the 
 •author takes us into the very heart of things, giving us 
 the_ tragedies and the comedies in the daily life and ex- 
 periences of wild animals. 
 
 Wild Animals Afield. By Ellen Velvin, F. Z. S. 
 l2mo, cloth, illustrated $i.oo 
 
 Twenty in number, these wild creatures are, and their 
 tife-stories are irresistible in their interest, even for 
 grown people, being the most wonderful animal biog- 
 raphies ever written. The book will foster our interest in 
 animals and a consequent love for them. 
 
 She Who Will Not When She May. By 
 Eleanor G. Walton. i2mo, cloth, gilt top, 
 
 deckle edges, illustrated $i.oo 
 
 Ooze calf, gilt top, boxed $i-5o 
 
 A story of a clever woman's heart. A melody of prose, 
 IS delicate, as akin to light and color as the opal. 
 
 Folly in Fairyland. By Carolyn Wells. i2mo, 
 cloth, illustrated $i.oo 
 
 "It recounts the adventures of a little girl who went 
 to the realm of the fairies, but, unlike the immortal 
 Alice, her experiences were all pleasant." — Chronicle, San 
 Francisco, Cal. 
 
 Folly in the Forest. By Carolyn Wells. i2mo, 
 cloth, illustrated $i.oo 
 
 Another of Miss Wells' unrivaled books. This time 
 Folly visit.'' the Forest of the Past, where she meets 
 and is entertained by the 'amous Animals of Mythology, 
 History, and Literature. 
 
 Half-a-Dozen Housekeepers. By Kate Douglas 
 Wiggin. A Story for Girls in Half-a-Dozen 
 Chapters. i6mo, cloth, illustrated 75 
 
 The charm of this book is the insight the author gives 
 us into the_ natural life of natural people. Every girl 
 who reads it will put the volume in her collection of 
 permanent acquisitions. It is deliciously fresh and 
 amusing. 
 
A