1 iEx ICtbrtB SEYMOUR DURST When you leave, please leave this book Because it has been said "£ver' thing comes t' him who waits Except a loaned book." Avery Architectural and Fine Arts Library Gift of Seymour B. Durst Old York Libr.\ry Digitized by the Internet Archive in 2013 http://ar;chive.org/details/historyofnewyork00irvi_3 PETER STUYVESANT AND THE TIG TAIL.- Page 263. —Knickerbocker's History of New York. A HISTORY OF NEW YORK, FROM THE BEGINNING OF THE WORLD TO THE END OF THE DUTCH DYNASTY ; CONTAINING, AMONG MANY SURPRISING AND CURIOUS MATTERS, THE UNUTTERABLE PONDEKINGS OF WALTER THE DOUBTER, THE DISASTROUS PROJECTS OF WILLIAM THE TESTY, AND THE CHIVALRIC ACHIEVEMENTS OF PETER THE HEAD- STRONG — THE THREE DUTCH GOVERNORS OF NEW AMSTERDAM: BEING THE ONI-Y AUTHEN- TIC HISTORY OF THE TIMES THAT EVER HATH BEEN OR EVER WILL BE PUBLISHED. By DIEDRICH KNICKERBOCKER. De waarheid die in duister lag, Die komt met klaarheid aan den dag. THE AUTHOR'S REVISED EDITION, COMPLETE IN ONE VOLTOIE. NEW YORK : • A. L. BURT, PUBLISHER. CONTENTS. Page The Author's Apology xi Original Advertisements xv Account of the Author xvii Address to the Public xxvii BOOK I. containing divers ingenious theories and philosophic speculations, concerning the creation and population of the world, as connected with the history of new YORK. Chapter I. — Description of the World 1 Chapter II. — Cosmogony, or Creation of the World; with a mul- titude of excellent theories, by which the creation of a world is shown to be no such difficult matter as common folk would imagine. 7 Chapter III. — How that famous navigator, Noah, was shame- fully nicknamed; and how he committed an unpardonable oversight in not having four sons. With the great trouble of philosophers caused thereby, and the discovery of America .. 14 Chapter IV. — Showing the great difficulty Philosophers have had in peopling America — and how the Aborigines came to be begotten by accident — to the great relief and satisfaction of the Author 19 Chapter V. — In which the Author puts a mighty question to the rout, by the assistance of the Man in the Moon — which not only delivers thousands of people from great embarrass- ment, but likewise concludes this introductory book 25 BOOK II. treating OF THE FIRST SETTLEMENT OF THE PROVINCE OP NIEUW NEDERLANDTS. Chapter I. — In which are contained divers reasons why a man should not write in a hurry — also of Master Hendrick Hud- iv CONTENTS. Paob son, liis discoviTy of a >stran^e country — and h<»w he was nia^Miihcciitly rewarded hy the muniticence of their High Mi^^litin»-s.se.s 37 ( iiAi'TKU II. — ( 'oiituinin^ an account of a mighty Ark which Houlrd, undtT the priitection of St. Nicholas, from Holland to (lihhet Island — the \verful Army that asseinbli-d at the City of X«;\v Amsterdam — together witli the interview between Peter tlie Headstrong and (leneral \'an PolTen- burgli, and Peter's sentiments touching unfortunate great men 239 CiiAPTKU VI. — In which tlu; Author discourses very ingeniously of himself — after which is to be found much interesting history about Peter the Ileadstn^ng and his followers 2-l."i i'HArTKH VII. — Showing the great advantage that the Author lias over his Header in time of Battle — together with divers portentous movements; which l^etoken that something ter- rible is about to happen 252 CiiAi'TKU VIII. — Containing the most horrible battle ever re- cord<*d in poetry or ])rose; with tlu; admirable exjjloits of I'e- ter the Headstrong 258 Chapter IX. — In which the Author and the Header, while re- posing after the battle, fall into a very grave di.scourse, af- ter which is recorded the conduct of Peter Stuyvesant after his victory BOOK VII. CONTAININO THE THIRD I'AllT OF THE REIGN OF PETER THE HEAD- STRONG — HIS TROUBLES WITH THE RRITISH NATION, AND THE DECLINE AND FALL OF THE DUTCH DYNASTY. Chapter I. — How Peter Stuyvesant relieved the Sovereign Peo- ple from the burden of taking care of the nation; with sun- dry particulars of his conduct in the time of peace, and of the rise of a great Dutch aristocracy 274 Chapter II. — TIow Peter Stuyvesant labored to civilize the community — how he was a great promoter of holidays — how he instituted kissing on New Year's Day — how he distribu- ted fiddles throughout the New Netherlands — how he ven- tured to reform the ladies' petticoats, and how he caught a tarter 280 Chapter III. — How troubles thicken on the province — how it is threatened by the Helderbergers, the Merrylanders and the Giants of the Susquehanna 284 Chapter IV. — How Peter Stuyvesant adventured into the East Country, and how he fared' there 287 Chapter V. — How^ the Yankees secretly sought the aid of the British Cabinet in their hostile schemes against the Man- hattoes 293 CONTENTS. ix Page Chapter VI. — Of Peter Stuyvesant's Expedition into the East Country, showing that, though an old bird, he did not un- derstand trap 295 Chapter VII. — How the people of New Amsterdam were thrown into a great panic by the news of the threatened in- vasion, and the manner in which they fortified them- selves 299 Chapter VIII. — How the Grand Council of the Xew Nether- lands were miraculously gifted with long tongues in the moment of emergency — showing the value of words in war- fare 302 Chapter IX. — In which the troubles of New Amsterdam appear to thicken — showing the bravery in time of peril of a people who defend themselves by resolutions 306 Chapter X. — Containing a doleful disaster of Antony the Trumpeter — and how Peter Stuyvesant, like a second Crom- well, suddenly dissolved a Rump Parliament 312 Chapter XI. — How Peter Stuyvesant defended the city of Xew Amsterdam for several days, by dint of the strength of his head 316 Chapter XII. — Containing the dignified retirement and mortal su rrender ^>f Peter the Headstrong 322 Chapter XIII. — The Author's reflections upon what has been said - 327 THE AUTHOR'S APOLOGY. The following work, iu which at the outset, nothing more was contemplated than a temporary ye?^ cVesj^rit, was commenced in company with my brother, the late Peter Irving, Esq. Our idea was to parody a small hand-book which had recently appeared entitled Picture of New York." Like that, our work was to begin with an historical sketch; to be followed by notices of tlie customs, manners, and institutions of the city; written in a serio-comic vein, and treating local errors, follies, and abuses with good- humored satire. To burlesque the pedantic lore displayed in certain American v/orks our historical sketch was to commence with the creation of the world; and we laid all kinds of works under contribution for trite citations, relevant or ir- relevant, to give it the proper air of learned research. Before this crude mass of mock erudition could be digested into form my brother departed for Europe, and I was left to prosecute the enterprise alone. I now altered the plan of the w^ork. Discarding all idea of aparody on the "Picture of New York," I determined that what had been originally intended as an introductory sketch should comprise the whole work and form a comic history of the city. I accordingly molded the mass of citations and disquisitions into introductory chapters forming the first book; but it soon became evident to me that, like Eobinson Crusoe with his boat, I had begun on too large a scale, and that to launch my history successfully I must reduce its proportions. I accordingly resolved to confine xii THE AUTHORS APOLOGY. it to the period of the Dutch dorniiiiitioii which, in its vUa, progress and decline, presented that unity of subject re- quired by chissic rule. It was a period, al.so, at tluit time almost a terra incognita in history. In fa(it I was surpi iscd to find how few of my fellow-citizens were aware that New York had ever been called New Amsterdam, or had heard of the names of its early Dutch governors, or cared a straw about their jincieiit Dutch progenitors. This then, broke u})on me as the poetic age of our city — poetic from its very obscuiity, and open like the early and obscure days of ancient Rome, to all the embellishments of heroic fiction. I hailed my native city as fortunate above all other American cities in having an antirpiity thus ex- tending back into the regions of doubt and fal)le; neither did I conceive I was committing any grievous historical sin in hel})ing out the few facts I could collect in this remote and forgotten region with figments of my own brain, or in giving characteristic attributes to the few names connected with it which i might dig up from oblivion. In this, doubtless, I reasoned like a young and inex- perienced writer, besotted with his own fancies; and my presumptuons tresi)asses into this sacred, though neglected region of history have met with deserved rebuke from men of soberer minds. It is too late, however, to recall the shaft thus rashly launched. To any one whose sense of fitness it may wound I can only say with Hamlet: Let my disclaiming from a purposed evil Free me so far in your most generous thoughts, That I h"ve shot my arrow o'er the house, And hurt my brother. I will say this in further apology for my work, that if it has taken an unwarrantable liberty with our early provincial history, it has at least turned attention to that history and provoked research. It is only since this work appeared that the forgotten archives of the province have peen rum- THE AUTHORS APOLOGY. xiii maged, and the facts and personages of the olden time rescued from the dust of oblivion and elevated into what- ever importance they may actually possess. The main object of my work, in fact, had a bearing wide from the sober aim of history, but one which, I trust, will meet with some indulgence from poetic minds. It was to embody the traditions of our city in an amusing form; to illustrate its local humors, customs, and peculiarities; to clothe home scenes, and places, and familiar names with those imaginative and whimsical associations so seldom met with in our new country, but which live like charms and spells about the cities of the Old World, binding the heart of the native inhabitant to his home. In this I have reason to believe I have in some measure succeeded. Before tiie appearance of my work the popular traditions of our city were unrecorded; the peculiar and racy customs and usages derived from our Dutch progeni- tors were unnoticed, or regarded with indifference, or adverted to with a sneer. Now they form a convivial cur- rency, and afe brought forward on all occasions; they link our whole community together in good humor and good fellowship; they are the rallying-points of home feeling, the seasoning of our civic festivities, the staple of local tales and local pleasantries; and are so harped upon by our writers of popular fiction that I find myself almost crowded off the legendary ground which I was the first to explore by the host who have followed in my footsteps. I dwell on this head because, at the first appearance of my work, its aim and drift were misapprehended by some of the descendants of the Dutch worthies, and because I understand that now and then one may still be found to regard it with a captious eye. The far greater part, how- ever, I have reason to flatter myself, receive my good- humored picturings in the same temper which they were executed; and when I find, after a lapse of nearly forty years, this haphazard production of my youth still cher- xiv THE A UTIIOR'S APOLOGY. islied junong them; wlioii I fnul its very name become a household word and used to give the liome stamp to everytliing recommended for popuhir acceptiitioii, such as Knickerbocker societies; Knickerbocker insurance com- panies; Knickerbocker steamboats; Knickerbocker omni- buses; Knickerbocker bread; and Kuickerbocker ice: and when I find New Yorki.'rs (A Dutch descent ])riding them- selves upon being genuine Knickerbockers," 1 please myself witli the persuasi(^u tliat I have struck tlie right chord; tliat my dealings with tlie good old Dutch times, and the customs and usages derived from tliem, are in liar- mony with the feelings and humors of my townsmen; that I liave opened a vin of pleasant associations and quaint characteristics peculiar to. my native place, and which its inhabitants will not willingly suffer to pass away; and that, though other histories of Xew York may appear of liigher claims to learned acceptation, and may take their dignified and appropriate rank in the family library, Knicker- bocker's history will still be received with good-humored indulgence, and be thumbed and chuckled over by the family fireside. W. I. SUNNYSIDE, JS48. NOTICES WHICH APPEARED IN THE NEWSPAPERS PREVIOUS TO THE PUBLICATION OF THIS WORK. From the Edening Post of October 26,1809. DISTRESSING. Left his lodgings some time since, and lias not since been heard of, a small elderly gentleman, dressed in an old black coat and cocked hat, by the name of Knickerbocker. As there are some reasons for believing he is not entirely in his right mind, and as great anxiety is entertained about him, any information concerning him left either at the Columbian Hotel, Mulberry street, or at the office of this paper, will be thankfully received. P. S. Printers of newspapers would be aiding the cause of human- ity in giving an insertion to the above. From the same, November 6, 1809. To the Editor of the Evening Post: Sir: Having read in your paper of the 26th October last a para- graph respecting an old gentleman by the name of Knickerbocker who was missing from his lodgings, if it would be any relief to his friends or furnish them with any clue to discover where he is, you may inform them that a person answering the description given was seen by the passengers of the Albany stage, early in the morning, about four or five weeks since, resting himself by the side of the road, a little above King's Bridge. He had in his hand a smalL bundle tied in a red bandana handkerchief: he appeared to be trav- eling northward, and was very much fatigued and exhausted. A Traveler. From the same, November 16, 1809. To the Editor of the Evening Post: Sir: You have been good enough to publish in your paper a para- graph about Mr. Diedrich Knickerbocker, who was missing so strangely some time since. Nothing satisfactory has been heard of the old gentleman siivce; but a oery curious kind of a written book has been xvi NOTICKH. found in his n)oni, in his own liand writing. Now I wish yon to iiotico liini. if lie is still silivj', tliut if lie <1()«3S not r«'tiirn and pay olT liis bill f(»r boarding and lod^in^, I shall hav«; to dispos*- of his book to satisfy na? ior tlie sainf. I am, sir, your liuiuhle servant, Sktu Handaside, LiLndlord of the IiuUpeiuhid Culumljidu lI(jUi, Mulberry street. From the same, November 28, 1809. LITEKAKY NOTICE. l^SKEEP & BuADFOUD have in the press, and will shortly publish A HLSTOKY OF NEW YORK, In two volumes, duodecimo. Price three dollars. Containing an a<-count of its discovery and settlement, with its internal iK)licies. manners, customs, wars, etc., etc., under the Dutdi government, f uniishin'^ many curious and interesting^ ]>articulars never Ix-fore published, and which are gathered from various manu- scriptsand other authenticated .sources, the whole being intersj>ersed with philosophical speculations and moral precepts. This work was found in the chamber of Mr. Diedricli Knicker- bocker, the old gentleman wliose sudden and mysterif)us disappear- ance has been noticed. It is published in order to discharge certain debts he has left behind. From the American, Citizen, December 6, 1809. Is this day published By Inskeep & Bradford, No. 128 Broadway, A HISTORY OF NEW Y^ORK, Etc. Etc. (Containing same as above, j ACCOUNT OF THE AUTHOR. It was some time, if I recollect right, in the early part of the autumn of 1808 that a stranger applied for lodgings at the Independent Colambian Hotel in Mulberry street, of which I am landlord. He was a small, brisk-looking old gentleman, dressed in a rusty, black coat, a pair of ol- ive velvet breeches, and a small cocked hat. He had a few gray hairs plaited and clubbed behind, and his beard seemed to be of some eight-and-forty hours' growth. The only piece of finery which he bore about him was a bright pair of square silver shoe-buckles, and all his baggage was contained in a pair of saddle-bags, which he carried under his arm. His whole appearance was something out of the common run, and my wife, who is a very shrewd body, at once set him down for some eminent country school-mas- ter. As the Independent Columbian Hotel is a very small house, I was a little puzzled at first where to put him; but my wife, who seemed taken with his looks, would needs put him in her best chamber, which is genteelly set off with the profiles of the whole family, done in black, by those two great painters, Jarvis and Wood, and commands a very pleasant view of the new grounds on the Collect, together with the rear of the Poor House and Bridewell, and a full front of the Hospital, so that it is the cheerfulest room in the whole house. During the whole time that he staid with us we found him a very worthy good sort of an old gentleman, though a little queer in his ways. He would keep in his room for xviii ACCOUNT OF THE AUTHOR. (lays together, and if any of the cliildren cried or made a noise about his door, he would bounce out in a great passion, with his liands full of papers, and say something about deranging his ideas; which made my wife believe sometimes that he was not altogether compos. Indeed there was more than one reason to make lier think so, for his room was always covered with scraps of paper and old moldy books, laying about at sixes and sevens, which he would never let anybody touch: for he said he had laid them all away in their proper places, so that he might know where to find them; though for that matter he was half his time worrying about the house in search of some book or writing which he had carefully put out of the way. I shall never forget what a bother he once made because my wife cleaned out his room when his back was turned, and put everything to rights; for he swore he would never be able to get his papers in order again in a twelvemonth. Upon this my wife ventured to ask him what he did with so many books and papers; and he told her that he was seeking for im- mortality;" which made her think more than ever that the poor old gentleman's head was a little cracked. He was a very inquisitive body, and when not in his room was continually poking about town, hearing all the news, and prying into everything that was going on: this was particularly the case about election time, when he did nothing but bustle about from poll to poll, attending all ward-meetings and committee-rooms , though I could never fi]id that he took part with either side of the question. On the contrary, he would come home and rail at both parties with great wrath, and plainly proved one day, to the satis- faction of my wife and three old ladies who were drinking tea with her, that the two parties were like two rogues, each tugging at a skirt of the nation, and that in the end they would tear the very coat off its back and expose its naked- ness. Indeed, he was an oracle among the neighbors, who would collect around him to hear him talk of an afternoon ACCO UNT OF THE A UTHOR. xix as he smoked his pipe on the bench before the door; and I really believe he would have brought over the whole neigh- borhood to bis own side of the question if they could ever have found out what it was. He was very much given to argue, or, as he called it, vliilosopliize, about the most trifling matter; and, to do him justice, I never knew anybody that was a match for him, except it was a grave-looking old gentleman wdio called now and then to see liim, and often posed him in an argument. But this is nothing surprising, as I have since found out this stranger is the city librarian; who, of course, must be a man of great learning, and I have my doubts if he had not some hand in the following his- tory. As our lodger had been a long time with us, and we had never received any pay, my wife began to be somewhat uneasy, and curious to find out who and what he was. She accordingly made bold to put the question to his friend, the librarian, who replied in his dry way that he was one of the literati, which she supposed to mean some new party in politics. I scorn to push a lodger for his pay; so I let day after day pass on without dunning the old gentleman for a farthing; but my wife, who always takes these matters on herself, and is, as I said, a shrewd kind of a woman, at last got out of patience, and hinted that she thought it high time *^some people should have a sight of some peo- ple's money." To which the old gentleman replied, in a mighty touchy manner, that she need not make herself un- easy, for that he had a treasure there (pointing to his sad- dle-bags) worth her whole house put together. This was the only answer we could ever get from him; and as my wife, by some of those odd ways in which women find out everything, learned that he was of very great connections, being related of the Knickerbockers of Scaghtikoke and cousin-german to the Congressman of that name, she did not like to treat him uuciviHy. What is morcj she even XX ACCOUNT OF THE AUTHOR. offered, merely by way of niukiiig tilings easy, to let him live scot-free if he would teach the children their letters, and to try her best and get her neighbors to send their children also; but the old gentleman took it in such dudgeon, and seemed so affronted at being taken for a schoolmaster, that she never dared to speak on tlie subject again. About two months ago he went out of a morning, with a bundle in his hand — and has never been heard of since. All kinds of inquiries were made after him, but in vain. I wrote to his relations at Scaghtikoke, but tliey sent for answer that he had not been there since the year before last, wlien he had a great dispute with tlie Congressman about politics, and left the place in a huff, and they had neither heard nor seen anything of him from that time to this. I must own I felt very much worried abou<^ the poor old gentleman, for I thought something bad must have happened to him, that he should be missing so long and never return to pay his bill. I therefore advertised him in the newspapers, and though my melancholy adver- tisement was published by several humane printers, yet I have never been able to learu anything satisfactory about him. My wife now said it was high time to take care of our- selves, and see if he had left anything behind in his room that would pay us for his board and lodging. We found nothing, however, but some old books and musty writings and his saddle-bags; which, being opened in the presence of the librarian, contained only a few articles of worn-out clothes and a large bundle of blotted paper. On looking over this, the librarian told us he had no doubt it was the treasure which the old gentleman had spoken about, as it proved to be a most excellent and faithful History of Xeav York, which he advised ns by all means to publish, assuring us that it would be so eagerly bought up by a dis- cerning public that he had no doubt it would be enough to ACCOUNT OF THE AUTHOR. xxi pay our arrears ten times over. Upon this we got a very- learned schoolmaster, who teaches our children, to prepare it for the press, which he accordingly has done, and has, moreover, added to it a number of valuable notes of his own. This, therefore, is a true statement of my reasons for having this work printed without waiting for the consent of the author; and I here declare that if he ever returns (though I much fear some unhappy accident has befallen him) I stand ready to account with him like a true and honest man. Which is all at present From the public's humble servant Seth Handaside. Independent Columbian Hotel, New York. The foregoing account of the author was prefixed to the first edition of this work. Shortly after its publication a letter was received from him, by Mr. Handaside, dated at a small Dutch village on the banks of the Hudson, whither he had traveled for the purpose of inspecting certain ancient records. As this was one of those few and happy villages into which newspapers never find their way, it is not a matter of surprise that Mr. Knickerbocker should never have seen the numerous advertisements that were made concerning him, and that he should learn of thepub- lication of his history by mere accident. He expressed much concern at its premature appear- ance, as thereby he was prevented from making several important corrections aud alterations, as well as from pro- fiting by many curious hints which he had collected dur- ing his travels along the shores of the Tappan Sea and his sojourn at Haverstraw and Esopus. Finding that there was no longer any immediate neces- sity for his return to New York, he extended his journey up to the residence of his relations at Scaghlikoke. On his way thither he stopped f c r some days at Albany, for xxii ACCOUNT OF TUB AUTHOR. wliicli city he is known to have entertained a great partial- ity. He found it, however, considerably altered, and was much concerned at the inroads and improvements wlncii the Yankees were making, and tlie consecpient decline of the good old Dutch manners. Indeed, lie was informed that these intruders were making sad innovations in all parts of the State, where they had given great trouble and vexation to the regular Dutch settlers by the introduction of turnpike gates and country school-houses. It is said also that Mr. Knickerbocker shook his head sorrowfully at noticing the gradual decay of the great Vander lleydeu palace, but was highly indignant at finding that the ancient Dutch church, which stood in the middle of the street, had been pulled down since his last visit. The fame of Mr. Knickerbocker's history having reached even to Albany, he received much llattering attention from its worthy burghers, some of whom, however, pointed out two or three very great errors he had fallen into, particu- larly that of suspending a lump of sugar over the Albany tea-tables, which, they assured him, had been discontinued for some years past. Several families, moreover, were somewhat ])iqued that their ancestors had not been men- tioned in his work, and showod great jealousy of their neighbors who had thus been distinguished; while the lat- ter, it must be confessed, plumed themselves vastly thereupon, considering these recordings in the light of letters-patent of nobility, establishing their claims to an- cestry; which in this republican country is a matter of no little solicitude and vainglory. It is also said that he enjoyed high favor and counte- nance from the governor, who once asked him to dinner, and was seen two or three times to shake hands with him when they met in the street; which certainly was going great lengths, considering that they differed in politics. Indeed certain of the governor's confidential friends, to whom he could venture to speak his mind freely on such ACCOUNT OF TEE A VTROR. xxiii matters, have assured us that he privately entertained a considerable good will for our author — nay, he even once went so far as to declare, and that openly too, and at his own table just after dinner, that Knickerbocker was a very well-meaning sort of an old gentleman, and no fool." From all which many have been led to snppose that had our anthor been of different politics, and written for the newspapers instead of wasting his talents on histories, he might have risen to some post of honor and profit : per- adventure, to be a notary public or even a justice in the ten-pound court. Beside the honors and civilities already mentioned^ he was much caressed by the literati of Albany ; particularly by Mr. John Cook, who entertained him very hospitably at his circulating library and reading-room, where they used to drink Spa water and talk about the ancients. He found Mr. Cook a man after his own heart — of great literary re- search and a curious collector of books. At parting, the latter, in testimony of friendship, made him a present of the two oldest works in his collection ; which were the earliest edition of the Heidelberg Catechism" and Adrian Vander Donck^s famous account of the "New Nether- lands," by the last of which Mr. Knickerbocker profited greatly in this his second edition. Having passed some time very agreeably at Albany, our author proceeded to Scaghtikoke, where, it is but justice to say, he was received with open arms and treated with won- derful loving-kindness. He was much looked up to by the family, being the first historian of the name ; and was con- sidered almost as great a man as his cousin the Congress- man — with whom, by the by, he became perfectly reconciled and contracted a strong friendship. In spite, however, of the kindness of his relations and their great attention to his comforts, the old gentleman soon became restless and discontented. His history being published, he had no longer my business to occupy his ACCOUyr OF THE A UTUOR. tliou^Hits or any Kcheiiie to excite liis liopes and anticipa- tioiiK. 'J'his, to a busy mind like lii«, was a truly deplora- ble siLuation ; and, bad be not been a man of inflexible morals and regular babits, tbere would liave been great danger of bis taking to politics or drinking; botli of wbicli })ernioious vices we daily see men driven to Ijy mere spleen and idleness. It is true be sometimes employed bimsclf in pre])aring a second edition of bis liistory, wberein be endeavored to coi-rect and iinprove many passages witb wbicb be was dis- satisfied, and to rectify some mistakes tbat had crept into it ; for be was particularly anxious tbat bis work sbould be noted for its autbenticity ; wbicb, indeed, is tbe very life and soul of bistory. But tbe glow of composition liad departed ; be bad to lea-ve many places untoucbed wbicb lie would fain bave altered ; and even wbere be did make alterations be seemed always in doubt wbetber tbey v.ere for tbe better or tbe worse. After a residence of some time at Scagbtikoke, be began to feel a strong desire to return to New Vork, wbicb be ever regarded witb tbe warmest affection ; not merely be- cause it was bis native city, but because be really consid- ered i tbe very best city in tbe whole world. On his return he entered into the full enjoyment of the advan- tages of a literary reputation. lie was continually impor- tuned to write advertisements, petitions, handbills, and productions of similar import ; and, although he never meddled with the public papers, yet had he the credit of writing innumerable essays and smart things that appeared on all subjects and all sides of the question ; in all which he was clearly detected '*by his style. He contracted, moreover, a considerable debt at the post-office in consequence of tbe numerous letters he re- ceived from authors and printers soliciting his subscription, and he was applied to by every charitable society for yearly donations, which he gave very cheerfully, consider- ACCOUNT OF THE A UTHOR. XXV ing these applications as so many compliments. He was once invited to a great corporation dinner, and was even twice summoned to attend as a juryman at the court of quarter sessions. Indeed, so renowned did he become tliat he could no longer pry about, as formerly, in all holes and corners of the city, according to the bent of his humor, un- noticed and uninterruped; but several times when he has been saunterins^ tlie streets on his usual rambles of obser- vation, equipped with his cane and cocked liat, the little boys at play have been known to cry, ''There goes Diedrich!" at which the old gentleman seemed not a little pleased, looking upon these salutations in the light of the praise of posterity. In a word, if we take into consideration all these vari- ous honors and distinctions, together with an exuberant eulogium passed on him in the Port Folio (with which, we are told, the old gentleman was so much overpowered that he was sick for two or three days), it must be confessed that few authors have ever lived to receive such illustrious reward or b-ive so completely enjoyed in advance their own immortality. After his return from Scaghtikoke, Mr. Knickerbocker took up his residence at a little rural retreat which the Stuyvesahts had granted him on the family domain in gratitude for his honorable mention of their ancestor. It was pleasantly situated on the borders of one of the salt marshes beyond Corlear's Hook; subject, indeed to be oc- casionally overflowed, and much infested, in the summer time, with mosquitoes, but otherwise very aggreeable, producing abundant crops of salt grass and bulrushes. Here, we are sorry to say, the good old gentleman fell dangerously ill of a fever, occasioned by the neighboring marshes. When he found his end approaching he dis- posed of his worldly affairs, leaving the bulk of his fortune to the New York Historical Society, his Heidelberg Catechism and Vander Donck's work to the city library. xxvi ACCOUNT OF THE A UTIIOll. and lii.s siid die-bags to Mr. Ilandiiside. He forgave all his enemies — that is to say, all who bore any enmity toward him — for as to himself, he declared he died in good will with all the world. And, after dictating several kind messages to his relations at Scaghtikoke, as well as to certain of our most substantial Dutch citizens, lie expired in the arms of his friend the lilMarian. His remains were intened, according to his own request, in St. Mark's churchyard, close by the bones of his favorite hero, Peter Stuyvesant; and it is rumored that the His- torical Society have it in mind to erect a wooden monu- ment to his memory in Bowling (Jreen. TO THE PUBLIC. To RESCUE from oblivion the memory of former inci- dents, and to render a just tribute of renown to the many great and wonderful transactions of our Dutch progenitors, Diedricli Knickerbocker, native of the city of Xew York, produces this historical essay.''* Like the great Father of History, whose words I have just quoted, I treat of times long past, over which the twilight of uncertainty had already thrown its shadows and the niglit of forgetfulness was about to descend forever. With great solicitude had I long beheld the early history of this venerable and ancient city gradually slipping from our grasp, trembling on the lips of narrative old age, and day by day dropping piece- meal into the tomb. In a little while, thought I, and those reverend Dutch burghers, who serve as the tottering monu- ments of good old times, will be gathered to their fathers; their children, engrossed by the empty pleasures or in- significant transactions of the present age, will neglect to treasure up the recollections of the past, and posterity will search in vain for memorials of the days of the Patriarchs. The origin of our city will be buried in eternal oblivion, and even the names and achievements of Wouter Van Twiller, William Kieft, and Peter Stuyvesant be enveloped in doubt and fiction, like those of Romulus and Eemus, of Charlemagne, King Arthur, Rinaldo, and Godfrey of Bologne. Determined, therefore, to avert if possible this threatened misfortune, I industriously set myself to work to gather to- *Beloe's "Herodotus." xxviii TO THE PUBLIC. getlier all the fragments of our infant history which still existed, and like my revered prototype, Herodotus, where no written records could be found I liave endeavored to continue the chain of history by well-authenticated tradi- tions. In this arduous undertaking, which has been the whole business of a long and solitary life, it is incredible the number of learned authors 1 have consulted, and all but to little })urpose. Strange as it may eeeni, though such multitudes of excellent works have been written about this country, there are none extant which gave any full and satisfactory account of the early history of New York or of its three first Dutch governors. I have, however, gained much valuable and curious matter from an elaborate manu- script written in exceed iirg pure and classic Low Dutch, ex- cepting a few errors in orthography, which was found in the archives of the Stuyvesant family. Many legends, letters, and other documents have I likewise gleaned in my re- searches among the family chests and lumber-garrets of our respectable Dutch citizens, and I have gathered a host of well-authenticated traditions from divers excellent old ladies of my acquaintance, who requested that their names might not be mentioned. Nor must I neglect to acknow- ledge how greatly I have been assisted by that admirable and praiseworthy institution, the New York Historical Society, to which I here publicly return my sincere ac- knowledgments. In the conduct of this inestimable work I have adopted no individual model, but, on the contrary, have simply contented myself with combining and concentrating the excellences of the most approved ancient historians. Like Xenophon, I have maintained the utmost impartiality and the strictest adherence to truth throughout my history. I have enriched it, after the manner of Sallust, with various characters of ancient worthies, drawn at full length and faithfully colored. I have seasoned it with profound TO THE PUBLIC. XXIX political speculations like Thucydides, sweetened it with the graces of sentiment like Tacitus, and infused into the whole the dignity, the grandeur, and magnificence of Livy. I am aware that I shall incur the censure of numerous very learned and judicious critics for indulging too fre- quently in the bold, excursive manner of my favorite, Herodotus. And, to be candid, I liave found it impossible always to resist the allurements of those pleasing episodes which, like flowery banks and fragrant bowers, beset the dusty road of the historian, and entice him to turn aside and refresh himself from his wayfaring. But I trust it will be found that 1 have always resumed my staff and addressed myself to my weary journey with renovated spirits, so that both my readers and myself have been bene- fited by the relaxation. Indeed, though it has been my constant wish and uniform endeavor to rival Polybius himself in observing the requisite unity of History, yet the loose and unconnected manner in which many of the facts herein recorded have come to hand rendered such an attempt extremely difficult. This difficulty was likewise increased by one of the grand objects con- templated in my work, which was to trace the rise of sundry customs and institutions in this best of cities, and to compare them, when in the germ of infancy, with what they are in the present old age of knowledge and improve- ment. But the chief merit on which I value myself and found my hopes for future regard is that faithful veracity with whicli I have compiled this invaluable little work, carefully winnowing away the chaU of hypothesis, and discarding the tares of fable, which are too apt to spring up and choke the seeds of truth and Avholesome knowledge. Had I been anxious to captivate the superficial throng, who skim like swallows over the surface of literature, or had I been anxious to commend my writings to the pampered palates of literary XXX TO THE PUBLIC. epicures, I iniglit liave availed myself of the obscurity tliut overshadows the infant years of our city to introduce a thousand pleasing fictions. But I have scrujjulously dis- carded many a pithy tale and marvelous adventuie, whereby the drowsy ear of summer indolence might be enthi'alU'd, jealously maintaining that fidelity, gravity, and dignity which should ever distinguish the historian. For a writer of this class," observes an elegant critic, must sustain the character of a wise man, writing for the instruc- tion of posterity — one who has studied to inform himself well, who has pondered his subject with care, and ad- dresses himself to our judgment rather than to our im- agination." Thrice happy, therefore, is this our renowned city ia having incidents worthy of swelling the tlieme of history, and doubly thrice happy is it in having such an historian as myself to relate them. For, after all, gentle reader, cities of t]iemselvei<, and, in fact, empires of lliejnselves, are noth- ing without an historian. It is the patient narrator who records their prosperity as they rise — who blazons forlli the splendor of their noontide meridian — who props their fee- ble memorials as they totter to decay — wiio gathers to- gether their scattered fragments as they rot — and who piously, at length, collects their ashes into the mausoleum of his work and rears a monument that will transmit their renown to all succeedinfi: ages. AVhat has been the fate of many fair cities of antiquity whose nameless ruins encumber the plains of Europe and Asia and awaken the fruitless inquiry of the traveler? They have sunk into dust and silence; they have perished from remembrance for want of an historian! The philan- thropist may weep over their desolation — the poet may wander among their molderiug arches and broken col- umns, and indulge the visionary flights of his fancy — but alas! alas! the modern historian, whose, pen, like my own, is doomed to confine itself to dull matter of fact, seeks in TO THE PUBLIC. XXXI vain among their oblivious remains for some memorial that may tell the instructive tale of their glory and their ruin. Wars, conflagrations, deluges," says Aristotle, '^destroy nations, and with them all their monuments, their discov- eries, and their vanities. The torch of science has more than once been extinguished and rekindled — a few indi- viduals, who have escaped by accident, reunite the thread of generations." The same sad misfortune which has happened to so many ancient cities will happen again, and from the same sad cause, to nine-tenths of those which now flourish on the face of the globe. With most of them the time for record- ing their early history is gone by; their origin, their foun- dation, together with the eventful period of their youth, are forever buried in the rubbish of years; and the same would have been the case with this fair portion of the earth if I had not snatched it from obscurity in the very nick of time, at the moment that those matters herein recorded were about ei tering into the widespread, insatiable maw of oblivion — if I had not dragged them out, as it were, by the very locks, just as the monster's adamantine fangs were closing upon them forever! And here have I, as be- fore observed, carefully collected, collated, and arranged them, scrip and scrap, jmnt en punt, gat en gat/' and com- menced in this little work a history to serve as a founda- tion on which other historians may hereafter raise a noble superstructure, swelling in process of time, until ^' Knicker- bocker's New York " may be equally voluminous with '^Gibbon's Rome " or Hume and SmoUet's England !" And now indulge rne for a moment while I lay down my pen, skip to some little eminence at the distance of two or three hundred years ahead, and, casting back a bird's-eye glance over the waste of years that is to roll between, dis- cover myself — little I — nt this moment the progenitor, prototype, ,and precursor of them all, posted at the head of xxxii TO THE PUBLIC. this liost of literary wortliit-s, witli my book under my arm and New Voik on my back, pressing forward, like a gallant commander, to honor and immortality. Such are tlie vainglorious imaginings that will now and then enter into the brain of the aiithoi- — that ij-radiate, as with celestial light, his solitary chamber, cheering his weary spirits and animating him to persevere in his labors. And 1 have freely given utterance to these rhapsodies whenever they have occnred; not, I trust, from an un- usual si)irit of egotism, but merely that the reader may for once have an idea how an jiuthor thinks and feels while he is writing — a kind of knowledge very rare and curious and much to be desired. HISTORY OF NEW YORL BOOK L CONTAINING DIVERS INGENIOUS THEORIES AND PHILO- SOPHIC SPECULATIONS CONCERNING THE CREATION AND POPULATION OF THE WORLD, AS CONNECTED WITH THE HISTORY OF NEW YORK. CHAPTER I. DESCRIPTIOIf OF THE WORLD. According to the best authorities, the woi-Id in whicli we dwell is a huge, opaque, reflecting, inanimate mass, floating in the vast ethereal ocean of inflnite space. It hns the form of an orange, being an oblate spheroid, curiously flattened at opposite parts for the insertion of two imagin- ary poles, which are supposed to peneti"ate and unite at the center, thus forming an axis on which the migluy orange turns with a regular diurnal revolution. The transitions of light and darkness, whence proceed the alternations of day and night, are produced by this diurnal revolution successively presenting the different parts of the earth to the rays of the sun. The latter is, accord- ing to the best — that is to say, the latest — accounts, a luminous or fiery body of a prodigious magnitude, from whicli this world is driven by a centrifugal or repelling power, and to which it is di'awn by acenti"i[)etal or attract- ive force, otherwise called the attraction of gravitation; the combination, or rather ihe counteraction, of these two opposing impulses producing a cii'ciilar and annual revolu- tion. Hence result the dilierent seasons of the year— viz. spring, summer, autumn, and winter. 2 jnSTOIiV OF NEW YOltK. '^riiis I IjC'lievo to 1)C tlio most {i])prove(l modern theory on the subject, tlioiigli there be many pliilosophers who have entertiiined very dilTerent opinions; some, too, of them en- tilled to much deference from their ^reat antifpiity and ilhistrioiis cliaracters. 'i'iiiis it was advanced by some; of the ancient sa^es that the earth was an extended })hiiii, Hiipporled by vast pilhirs; and by otiiers that it rested on the licad of a snake or the back ol a liiieasts! I determinod from that moment not to bui-n my fingers with any moi eof their theories, but content myself with detailing the different methods by which they trans])orte(l the descendants of these ancient and respectable monkeys to this great Held of theoretical war- fare. This was done either by migrations by land or trans- migrations by water. Thus Pudre Joseph d'Acosta enu- merates three passages by the land: first by the north of Europe; secondly, by the north of Asia; and thirdly, by regions southward of the Straits of Magellan. 'J'he learned Grotius marches his Norwegians by a i)leasant route across frozen rivers and arms of the sea, thiough lee- land, (Jreenland, Estotiland, and Xaremberga; and various writers, amoiig whom are Angleria, J)e llornn, and ])iiH'on, anxious for the accommodation of these tiavelei's, have fastened the two continents together by a strong chain of deductions — by which means tliey could pass ovei- dry-shod. But should even this fail, Pinkerton, that industrious old gentlemen who compiles books and manufactures geog- raphies, has constructed a natural bridge of ice from continent to continent at the distance of four or five miles from Behring's Straits; for which he is entitled to the grateful thanks of all the wandering aborigines who ever did or ever will pass over it. It is an evil much to be lamented that none of the worthy writers above quoted could ever commence his work without immediately declaring hostilities against every writer who had treated of the same subject. In this par- ticular authors may be compared to a certain sagacious bird, which in building its nest is sure to pull to pieces the nests of all the birds in its neighborhood. This unhappy propensity tends grievously to impede the progress of sound knowledge. Theories are at best but brittle productions, and when once committed to the stream they should take care that, like the notable pots which were fellow-voyagers, they do not crack each other. HISTORY OF NEW YORK. 23 My chief surprise is, that among the many writers I have noticed no one has attempted to prove that this coun- try was peopled from the moon; or that the first inhabit- ants floated hither on islands of ice, as white bears cruise about the northern oceans; or that they were conveyed hither by balloons, as modern aeronauts pass from Dover to Calais; or by witchcraft, as Simon Magus posted among the stars; or after the manner of the renowned Scythian Abaris, who, like the Xew England witches on full-blooded broomsticks, made most unheard-of journeys on the back of a golden arrow given him by the Hyperborean Apollo. But there is still one mode left by which this country could have been peopled, which I have reserved for the last, because I consider it worth all the rest: it is — hy acci- dent! Speaking of the islands of Solomon, Xew Guinea, and New Holland, the profound Father Charlevoix ob- serves: ''In fine, all these countries are peopled, and it is possible some have been so by accident. Xow, if it could have happened in that manner, why might it not have been at the sa?nc time and by the same means with the other Y>^\'i^ of the globe?'" This ingenious mode of deducing certain conclusions from possible premises is an improvement in syllogistic skill, and proves the good father superior even to Archimedes, for he can turn the world without anything to rest his lever upon. It is only surpassed by the dexterity with which the sturdy old Jesuit in another place cuts the gordian knot. ''Nothing,"' says he, "is more easy. The inhabitants of both hemispheres are certainly the descend- ants of the same father. The common father of mankind received an express order from Heaven to people the world, and accordingly it has been peopled. To bring this about it was necessary to overcome all difficulties in the way, and they have also been overcomeV Pious logician! How does he put all the herd of laborious theorists to the blush by explaining in five words what it has cost them volumes to prove they knew nothing about! From all the authorities here quoted, and a variety of others which I have consulted, but which are omitted through fear of fatiguing the unlearned reader, I can only draw the following conclusions, which luckily, however, are sufficient for my purpose: First, that this part of the world has actually been 2)eopled (Q. E. D.), to support which we have living proofs in the numerous tribes of Indians that 24 mSTOIir OF NKW YOUE. inliiibit it. Secondly, tlijit it lias been peopled in five hun- dred different ways, as proved by a cloud of authors who, from tlie positiveness of their assertions, seem to have been eye-witnesses to the fact. 'JMiirdly, that the people of this country had a raricfj/ of fafhers, which, as it may not be thought much to their credit by the common run of readers, tlie less we say on tlie subject the better. The question, therefore, 1 trust, is for ever at rest. HISTORY OF NEW TORE, ^5 CHAPTER V. in which the author puts a mighty questio^^" to the rout by the assistance of the man in the moon; which not only delivers thousands of people from great embarrassment, but likewise concludes this INTRODUCTORY BOOK. The writer of a history may, in some respects, be lik- ened unto an adventurous knight, who, having undertaken a perilous enterprise by way of establishing his fame, feels bound, in honor and chivalry, to turn back for no diffi- culty nor hardship, aiid never to shrink or quail whatever enemy he may encounter. Under this impression I reso- lutely draw my pen and fall to, with might and main, at those doughty questions and subtle parodoxes which, like fiery dragons and bloody giants, beset the entrance to my history and w^ould fain repulse me from tlie very threshold. And at this moment a gigantic question has started up, which I must needs take by the beard and utterly subdue before I can advance another step in my historic undertak- ing; but I trust this will be the last adversary I shall have to contend with, and that in the next book I shall be ena- bled to conduct my readers in triumph into the body of my work. The question which has thus suddenly arisen is, What right had the first discoverers of America to land and take possession of a country without first gaining the consent of its inliabitants or yielding them an adequate compensation for their territory? a question which has withstoood many fierce assaults, and has given much distress of mind to mul- titudes of kind-hearted folk. And indeed, until it be totally vanquished and put to rest the worthy people of America can by no means enjoy the soil they inhabit with clear right and title and quiet, unsullied consciences. The first source of right by which property is acquired in a country is discovery. For as all mankind have au 26 UIST0R7 OF NEW YORK. equjil riglit to aiiytliinf; wliicli has never before been ai)pro- pniited, so any nation that discoverK an uninliabited coun- try and takes possession thereof is considered as enjoy- ing full property and absolute uiHjuestionablc empire therein.* 'J'iiis proposition bein;^^ admitted, it follows clearly tliat the Kuro])eans who lirst visited America were the real discov- ei ers of the same; nothin<^ being necessai'y to the establish- ment of this fact but simply to prove that it was totally unin- habited by man. 'I'his would at first appeal" t(j be a poijit of some dilliculty, for it is well known tliai this (juarter of the world al)ounded with certain animals that walked erect on two feet, had something of the human countenance, uttered certain unintelligible sounds very much like lan- guage — in short, had a marvelous resemblance to human beings. But the zealous and enlightened fathers who accom- panied the discoverers for the purpose of promoting the kingdom of heavesi by establishing fat monasteries and bishoprics on earth, soon cleared up this point, greatly to the satisfaction of J.I is Holiness the pope and of all Christ- ian voyagei's and discoverers. They plainly proved — and as there were no Indian writei s arose on the other side, the fact was considered as fully admitted and established — that the two legged race of animals before mentioned were mere cannibals, detest- able monsters, and many of them giants; which last description of vagrants have since the times of Gog, Magog, and Goliath been considered as outlaws, and have received no quarter in either history, chivalry, or song. Indeed, even the pliilrsophic Bacon declared the Americans to be people proscribed by the laws of nature, inasmuch as they had a barbarous custom of sacrificing men and feeding n])on man's flesh. Nor are these all the proofs of their utter barbarism: among many other writers of discernment Ullo tells us, ''Their imbecility is so visible that one can hardly form an idea of them different from what one has of the brutes. Nothing disturbs the tranquillity of their souls, equally insensible to disasters and to prosperity. Though half naked, they are as contented as a monarch in his most splendid array. Fear makes no impression on them, and * Grotius. PufEendorf, b. v. c. 4. Vattel, b. i. c. 18, etc. HISTORY OF NEW YORK. 27 respect as little/' All this is farthermore supported by the authority of M. Bouguer. ^'^It is not easy/' says he, '*to describe the degree of their indifference for wealth and all its advantages. One does not well know what motives to propose to them when one would persuade them to any serv- ice. It is vain to offer them money; they answer they are not huDgry." And Vanegas confirms the whole, assuring us that '''ambition they have none, and are more desirous of being thought strong than valiant. The objects of ambition with us — honor, fame, reputation, riches, posts and distinctions — are unknown among them. So that this powerful spring of action, the cause of so much seem- ing good and real evil in the world, has no power over them. In a word, these unhappy mortals may be compared to children, in whom the development of reason is not com- pleted.'' Now all these pecularities, although in the unenlight- ened states of Grreece they would have entitled their pos- sessors to immortal honor as having reduced to practice those rigid and abstemious maxims the mere talking about which acquired certain old Greeks the reputation of sages and philosophers — yet were they clearly proved in the pres- ent instance to betoken a most abject and brutified nature, totally beneath the human character. But the benevolent fathers who had undertaken to turn these unhappy sav- ages into dumb beasts by dint of argument advanced still stronger proofs; for, as certain divines of the sixteenth century, and among the rest Lullus, affirm the Americans go naked, and have no beards! *'They liave nothing," says Lullus, ''of the reasonable animal, except the mask." And even that mask was allowed to avail them but little, for it was soon found that they were of a hideous copper complexion, and, being of a copper complexion, it was all the same as if they were negroes — and negroes are black, ''and black," said the pious fathers, devoutly crossing themselves, "is the color of the devil!" Therefore, so far from being able to own property, they had no right even to personal freedom, for liberty is too radiant a deity to in- habit such gloomy temples. All which circumstances plainly convinced the righteous followers of Cortes and Pizarro that these miscreants had no title to the soil that they infested — that they were a perverse, illiterate, dumb, beardless, black seed — mere wild beasts of the forests. 28 niSTOUY OF NEW YORK. and like them slioiild eitlier be Bubdued or extermi- luited. From the foregoing arguments, therefore, and a variety of others equally conclusive which I forbear to enumerate, it is clearly evident that this fair quarter of the globe w hen lirst visited by Europeans was a howling wilderness, inhab- ited by nothing but wild beasts, and that the transatlantic visitors acquired an incontrovertible property therein by the rifjlit of (/I'scorerj/. This right being fully established, we now come to the next, which 's the right acquired by cuUication. "The cul- tivation of the soil,'' we are told, *'is an obligation imposed by nature on mankind. 'J'he whole world is appointed for the nourishment of its inhabitants, but it would be incapa- ble of doing it was it uncultivated. Every nation is then obliged by the law of nature to cultivate the ground that has fallen to its share. Those people, like the ancient Ger- mans and modern Tartars, who, having fertile countries, disdain to cultivate the earth and choose to live by rapine, are wanting to themselves, and (Icsvrre to be exterminated as savaf/e and pernirious beasts/'* Now it is notorious that the savages kiU'W nothing of agriculture when first discovered by the Europeans, but lived a most vagabond, disorderly, unrighteous life — ram- bling from place to i)lace and })rodiga]ly lioting upon the spontaneous luxuries of miture, witliout tasking her gener- osity to yield them anything more; whereas it has been most unquestioiKibly shown that Jleaven intended the earth should be plowed, and sown, and manured, and laid out into cities, and towns, and farms, and country-seats, and pleasure-grounds, and public gardens — all which the In- dians knew nothing about; therefore they did not improve the talents Providence had bestowed on them; there- fore, they were careless stewards; therefore, they had no right to the soil; therefore, they deserved to be extermin- ated. It is true the savages might plead that they drew all the benefits from the land which their simple wants required — they found plenty of game to hunt, which, together with the roots and uncultivated fruits of the earth, furnished a sufficient variety for their frugal repasts; and that as * Vattel, b. i. cli. 17. HISTORY OF NEW YORK. 29 Heaven merely designed the earth to form the abode and satisfy the wants of man, so long as tliose purposes were answered the will of Heaven was accomplished. But this only proves how undeserving they were of the blessings around them: they were so much the more savages for not having more wants; for knowledge is in some degree an increase of desires, and it is this superiority, both in the number and magnitude of his desires, that distinguislies the man from the beast. Therefore the Indians, in not having more wants, were very unreasonable animals, and it was but just that they should make way for the Euro- peans, who had a thousand wants to their one, and there- fore would turn the earth to more account, and by culti- vating it more truly fulfill the will of Heaven. Besides, Grotius and Lauterbach aiKl Puffendoi'tf and Titius and many wise men besides, who have considered the matter properly, have determined that the property of a country cannot be acquired by hunting, cutting wood, or drawing water in it; nothing but precise demarcation of limits and the intention of cultivation can establish the possession. Now as the savages (probably from never having read the authors above quoted) had never complied with any of these necessary forms, it plainly follows that they had no right to the soil, but that it was completely at the disposal of the first-comers, who had more knowledge, more wants and more elegant — that is to say, artificial — desires than them- selves. In entering upon a newly-discovered, uncultivated coun- try, therefore, the new-comers were but taking possession of what, according to the aforesaid doctrine, was their own property; therefore, in opposing them the savages were invading their just rights, infringing the immutable laws of nature and counteracting the will of Heaven; there- fore, they were guilty of impiety, burglary, and trespass on the case; therefore, they were hardened offenders against God and man; therefore, they ought to be exter- minated. But a more irresistible right than either that I have mentioned, and one which will be the most readily admitted by my reader, provided he be blessed with bowels of charity and philanthropy, is the right acquired by civilization. All the world knows the lamentable state in which these poor savages were found. Not only deficient in the comforts of 30 HISTORY OF NI'JW YORK. life, ])iit, wliat is still worse, most piteoiisly jiiid iiiifortii- iiutcly blind to the miseries of their situation. But no sooner did the benevolent inliabitants of Europe behold their sad condition than they immediately went to work to ameliorate and improve it. They introduced among them rum, gin, brandy, and the other coniforts of life; and it is astonishing to read liow soon the poor .siivages learned to estimate those blessings; they likewise made known to thefn a thousand remedies by which the most inveterate diseases are alleviated and healed; and that they might comprehend the benefits and enjoy the comf(jrts of these medicines, they previously introduced among them the diseases which they were calculated to cure, iiy these and a variety of other methods Mas the condition of these poor savages wonderfully improved; they acquired a thousand wants of which they had before been ignorant; and as ho has most sources of hap})iness who has most wants to be gratified, they were doubtlessly rendered a much happier race of beings. But the most imjiortant branch of civilization, and which has most strenuously been extolled i)y the zealous and ])ious fathers of the Komish Church, is the introduction oi the Christian faith. It was truly a sight that might well in- spire horror to behold these savages tumbling among the dark mountains of paganism and guilty of the most horri- ble ignorance of religion. It is true, they neither stole nor defrauded; they were sober, frugal, continent, and faithful to their word; but, though they acted right habitually, it was all in vain unless they acted so from precept. The new-comers, therefore, used every method to induce them to embrace and practise the true religion — except indeed that of setting them the example. But notwithstanding all these complicated labors for their good, such was the unparalleled obstinacy of these stubborn wretches that they ungratefully refused to acknowledge the strangers as their benefactors, and jDcrsisted in disbelieving the doctrines tliey endeavored to inculcate; most insolently alleging that from their conduct the advocates of Christ- ianity did not seem to believe in it themselves. AVas not this too much for human patience? would uot one suppose that the benign visitants from Europe, provoked at their incredulity and discouraged by their stiff-necked obstinacy, would for ever have abandoned their shores and consigned HISTORY OF NEW YORK. 31 them to their original ignorance and misery? But no; so zealous were they to effect the temporal comfort and eter- nal salvation of these pagan infidels that they even pro- ceeded from the milder means of persuasion to the more painful and troublesome one of persecution — let loose among them whole troops of fiery monks and furious blood- hounds — purified them by fire and sword, by stake and fagot; in consequence of which indefatigable measures the cause of Christian love and charity was so rapidly advanced that in a few years not one-fifth of the number of unbe- lievers existed in South America that were found there at the time of its discovery. What stronger right need the European settlers advance to the country than this? Have not whole nations of unin- formed savages been made acquainted with a thousand imperious wants and indispensable comforts of wdiich they were before wholly ignorant? Have they not been literally hunted and smoked out of the dens and lurking-places of ignorance and infideli<"y, and absolutely scourged into the right path? Have not the temporal things, the vain baubles, and filthy lucre of this world, which were too apt to engage their worldly and selfish thoughts, been benevclently taken from them? and have they not, instead thiireof, been taught to set their affections on things above? And finally, to use the wor/^s of a reverend Spanish father in a letter to his superior in Spain, *'Can any one have the persum})tion to say that these savage pagans have yielded anything more than an inconsiderable recompense to their bene- factors, in surrendering to them a little pitiful tract of this dirty sublunary planet in exchange for a glorious inherit- ance in the kingdom of heaven?'" Here, then, are three complete and undeniable sources of right established, any one of which was more than ample to establish a property in the newly-discovered regions of America. Now, so it has happened in certain parts of this delightful quarter of the globe that the right of discovery has been so strenuously asserted, the influence of cultiva- tion so industriously extended, and the progress of salvation and civilization so zealously prosecuted, that, what with their attendant wars, persecutions, oppressions, diseases, and other partial evils that often hang on the skirts of great benefits, the savage aborigines have, somehow or another, been utterly annihilated. And this all at once 32 mSTOIiV OF NEW YORK. brings me to a fourtli liglit, wliicli is worth all the otliers l)ut together. For tlie original claimants to the soil being all tieati and buried, and no one remaining to inherit or dispute the soil, the S])aniards, as the next immediate occii- l)ants, entered upon the i)osses.sion as clearly as the hang- man succeeds to the clotlics of the malefactor; and as they liave Hlackstone* and all the leai ned ex])ounders of the law on their side, they may set all actions of ejectment at defiance; and this last right may be entitled the kk;iit ijy KXTKii.M I NATION, or, in otlicr words, the UKiiiT ijy gun- I'u wi)i:u. Hut lest any scrui)les of conscience should remain on this head, and to settle the nuestion of right for ever, His Holiness Pope Alexander Vl. issued a bull by which he generously granted the newly-discovered quarter of the globe to the 8i)aniurds and Portuguese, who, thus having law and gospel on their side, and being inflamed with great spiritual zeal, showed the pagan savages neither favor nor aiTection, but j)rosecuted the work of discovery, coloniza- tion, civilization, and extermination with ten times more fury than ever. 'J'hus were the European worthies wlio first discovered America clearly entitled to the soil; and not only entitled to the soil, but likewise to the eternal thanks of these infidel savages for having come so far, endured so many perils by sea and land, and taken such unwearied pains, for no other purpose but to improve their forlorn, uncivilized, and heathenish condition; for having made them aquainted with the comforts of life; for having introduced among thetn the light of religion; and, finally, for having hurried them out of the world to enjoy its re- ward ! But as argument is never so well understood by us self- ish mortals as when it comes home to ourselves, and as I am particularly anxious that this question should be put to rest for ever, I will suppose a parallel case by way of arousing the candid attention of my readers. Let us suppose, then, that the inhabitants of the moon, by astonishing advancement in science and by profound insight into that lunar philosophy the mere flickerings of which have of late years dazzled the feeble optics and ad- * Bl. Coin. b. ii. c. 1. HISTORY OF NEW TORE. 33 died the sballow brains of the good people of our globe — let us suppose, I say, that the inhabitants of the moon by these means had arrived at such a command of their enei'- gies, such an enviable state of jjerfectibiUtt/, as to control the elements and navigate the boundless regions of space. Let us suppose a roving crew of these soaring philosophers, in the course of an aerial voyage of discovery among the stars, should chance to alight upon this outlandish planet. And here I beg my readers will not have the uncharita- bleness to smile, as is too frequently the fault of volatile readers when perusing the grave speculations of philoso- phers. I am far from indulging in any sportive vein at present, nor is the supposition I have been making so wild as many may deem it. It has long been a very serious and anxious question with me, and many a time and oft in the course of my overwlielming cares and contrivances for the welfare and protection of this my native planet have I lain awake whole nights debating in my mind whether it were most probable we should first discover and civilize the moon or the moon discover and civilize our globe. Neither would the prodigy of sailing in the air and cruising among the stars be a whit more astonishing and incomprehensible to us than was the European mystery of navigating floating castles through the world of waters to the simple natives. AVe have already discovered the art of coasting along the aerial shores of our planet by means of balloons, as the savages had of venturing along their sea-coasts in canoes; and the disparity between the former and the aerial vehi- cles of the philosophers from the moon might not be greater than that between the bark canoes of the savages and the mighty ships of their discoverers. I might here pursue an endless chain of similar speculations; but as they would be unimportant to my subject, I abandon them to my reader, particularly if lie be a philosopher, as matters well worthy of his attentive consideration. To return, then, to my supposition: let us suppose that the aerial visitants I have mentioned, possessed of vastly superior knowledge o^^ ourselves — that is to say, possessed of superior knowledge in the art of externiination, riding on hyppogriffs, defended with impenetrable armor, armed with concentrated sunbeams, and provided with vast engines to hurl enormous moon-stones — in short, let us sup])ose them, if our vanity will permit the supposition, as superior to us in knowledge, and consequently in power^ as the 34 UlSTOltY OF NEW YORK. Kiiropeaiis wore to tlie Indians wlien tlicy firKt discovered tliein. All this is very possible; it is only our self-sufliciency tliat niiikes ns think otherwise; and 1 wariunt the i)oor sava;;es, before tliey had any knowledge of the white men armed in all the terrors of <^Iittering steel and tremendous gun])owder, were as ])erfeetly convinced that tliey tiiem- selves were the wisest, the most virtuous, j)owcrful, and perfect of created beings as are, at this ])resent moment, the lordly inhabitants of ohl England, the volatile populace of France, or even the self-satislied citizens of this most en- lightened republic. Let us suppose, moreover, that the aC'rial voyagers, find- ing this planet to be nothing but a howling wilderness, in- habited by us, poor savages and wild beasts, shall take formal possession of it in tlie mime of his most gracious and philosophic excellency, the man in the moon. Finding, however, that their numbers arc inconjpetent to IkjUI it in comi)lcte subjection on account of the feiocious barbarity of its inhabitant*, they shall take our worthy pi-esiilent, the king of Fiigland, the emi)eror of Ilayti, the mighty liona- parte, and the great king of Bantam, and, returning to their initive planet, shall carry them to court, as were the Indian chiefs led about as spectacles in the courts of F^ui'ope. Then making such obeisance as the etiquette of the court requires, they shall addiess the puissant man in the moon in, as near as I can conjecture, the following terms: Most serene and mighty potenate, whose dominions extend as far as eye can rea(di, who rideth on the (ireat Bear, useth the sun as a looking glass, and maintaineth un- rivaled control over tides, madmen, and sea-crabs: We thy liege subjects have just returned from a voyage of dis- covery, in the course of which we have landed and taken possesion of that obscure little dirty planet which thou be- holdest rolling at a distance. The five uncouth monsters which we have brought into this august presence were once very important chiefs among their fellow-savages, who are a race of beings totally destitute of the common attributes of humanity, and differing in everything from the inhabit- ants of the moon, inasmuch as they carry their heads upon their shoulders, instead of under their arms, have two eyes instead of one, are utterly destitute of tails, and of a variety of unseemly complexions, particularly of horrible whiteness, instead of pea-green, HISTORY OF NEW YORK. 36 **We have moreover found these miserable savages sunk into a state of the utmost ignorance and depravity, every man shamelessly living with his own wife and rearing his own children, instead of indulging in that community of wives enjoined by the law of nature as expounded by the philosophers of the moon. In a word, they have scarcely a gleam of true philosophy among them, but are in fact, utter heretics, ignoramuses, and barbarians. Taking com- passion, therefore, on the sad condition of these sublunary wretches, we have endeavored, while we remained on their planet, to introduce among them the light of reason and the comforts of the moon. We have treated them to mouthfuls of moonshine and draughts of nitrous oxyd, which they swallowed with incredible voracity, particularly the females; and we have likewise endeavored to instill into them the precepts of lunar philosophy. AYe have insisted upon their renouncing the contemptible shackles of religion and common sense, and adoring the profound, omnipotent, and all-perfect energy and the ecstatic, immutable, immov- able perfection. But such was the unparalleled obstinacy of these wretched savages that they pei'sisted in cleaving to their wives and adhering to their religion, and absolutely set at naught the sublime doctrines of the moon; nay, among other abominable heresies, they even went so far as blasphemously to declare that this ineffable planet was made of nothing more nor less than green cheese!" At these words the great man in the moon (being a very profound philosopher) shall fall into a terrible passion, and, possessing equal authority over things that do not belong to him as did whilom His Holiness the pope, shall forthwith issue a formidable bull, specifying, that, whereas a cer- tain crew of Lunatics have lately discovered and taken possesion of a newly- discovered planet called the earthy and that whereas it is inhabited by none but a race of two-leg- ged animals that carry their heads on their shoulders in- stead of under their arms, cannot talk the Lunatic lan- guage, have two eyes instead of one, are destitute of tails, and of a horrible whiteness instead of pea-green, therefore, and for a variety of other excellent reasons, they are con- sidered incapable of possessing any property in the planet they infest, and the right and title to it are confirmed to its original discoverers. And, furthermore, the colonists who are now about to depart to the aforesaid planet are 36 UISTOIIY OF NKW YORK. iiulliorized and corninaiidc'd to use every means to convert these infidel savages from tlie darkness of Clirietianity, and make tliem tliorou<(h and absolute Lunatics/' In consequence of this benevolent bull our philosophic Ijencfactors go to work with hearty zeal. 'J'hey seize upon our fertile teriitoiies, scourge us from our lightful posses- sions, lelieve us fr(jm our wives, and when we are unrea- sonable enough to complain, they will turn upon us and say. Miserable barbariansl ungrateful wretchesi have we uot come thousands of miles to improve your worthless planet? have we not fed you with moonshine? have we not intoxicated you with nitrous oxyd? does not our moon give you light every night? and have you the baseness to mur- mur when we claim a pitiful return for all these benefits? But finding that we not only persist in absolute contempt of their reasoning and disbelief in their j)hilosophy, but even go so far as daringly to defend our proj)crty, their patience shall be exhausted, and they shall resort to their su])erior powers of argument — hunt us with liypj)Ogrifrs, translix us with concentrated sunbeams, demolish our cities with moon stones; until having, by main force, con- verted us to the true faith, they shall giaciously permit us to exist in tlie torrid deserts of Arabia or the frozen regions of La})land, there to enjoy the blessings of civilization and the charms of lunar philosophy, in much the same manner as the reformed and enlightened savages of this country are kindly suffered to inhabit the inhospitable forests of the north or the impenetrable ^\ ildernesses of South America. Thus, I hope, I have clearly proved and strikingly illus- trated the right of the early colonists to the possession of this country, and thus is this gigantic ques^'ion completely vanquished; so, having manfully surmounted all obstacles and subdued all opposition, what remains but that I should forthwith conduct my readers into the city which we have been so long in a manner besieging? But hold I Before I proceed another step I must pause to take breath, and re- cover from the excessive fatigue I have undergone in pre- paring to begin this most accurate of histories. And in this I do but imitate the example of a renowned Dutch tumbler of antiquity, who took a start of three miles for the purpose of jumping over a hill, but, having run himself out of breath by the time he reached the foot, sat himself quietly down for a few moments to blow^ and then walked over it at his leisure. HISTORY OF NEW YORK. 37 BOOK II. TREATING OF THE FIRST SETTLEMENT OF THE PROVINCE OF NIEUW NEDERLANDTS. CHAPTER I. IN" WHICH ARE CONTAINED DIVERS REASONS WHY A MAN" SHOULD KOT WRITE IN A HURRY; ALSO, OF MASTER HENDRICK HUDSON, HIS DISCOVERY OF A STRANGE COUNTRY, AND HOW HE WAS MAGNIFICENTLY RE- WARDED BY THE MUNIFICENCE OF THEIR HIGH MIGHT- INESSES. My great-grandfather by the mother's side, Hermanns Van Clattercop, when employed to build tlie large stone church at Rotterdam which stands about three hundred yards to your left after you turn otf from the Boomkeys, and which is so conveniently constructed that all the zeal- ous Christians of Rotterdam prefer sleeping through a sermon there to any otlier church in the city — my great- grandfather, I say, when employed to build that famous church, did in tlie first place send to Delft for a box of long pipes; then having purchased a new spitting-box and a hundredweight of the best Virginia; he sat himself down and did nothing for the space of three months but smoke most laborionsly. Then did he spend full three months more in trudging on foot and voyaging in trekscluiit from Rotterdam to Amsterdam — to Delft — to Haerlem — to Ley- den — to The Hague, knocking his head and breaking his pipe against every church in his road. Then did he ad- vance gradually nearer and nearer to Rotterdam, until he came in full sight of the identical spot whereon the church was to be built. Then did he spend three months longer in 38 HISTORY OF NEW YORK. walking round it iind round it, contemplating it, first Ironi one point of view, iuid then from iinotlier: now would lie 1)0 paddled by it on the canal, now would he peep at it tlirough a telescope from the other side of the ^Ieuse, and now would he take a bird's-eye glance at it from the top of one of those gigantic windmills wliich })rotect the gates of the city. The good folks of the phice weie on the ti[)-toe of expectation and impatience; notwithstanding all the tur- moil of my great-grandfather, not a syuipLom of the church was yet to be seen; they even begau to fear it would never be brought into the world, but that its great projector would lie down and die in labor of the mighty })lan he had conceived. At length, having occu})ied twelve good months in pufting and paddling and talkiugand walking — having traveled over all Holland, and even taken a peep into France and (iermany — having smoked five hundred and ninety-nine })i})es and three hundred-weight of the best Virginia tobacco, my great-graiid father gathered to- gether all that knowing and industrious class of citizens who prefer attending to anybody's business sooner than their own, and, having pulled olf his coat and five pair of breeches, he advanced sturdily up and laid the coi'iier- stone of the church in tiie presL'Uce of the whole rnalti- Lude, just at the commencement of the thirteenth montii. In a similar manner, and with the example of my worthy ancestor full before my eyes, have I proceeded in writing this most authentic history. The honest Rotterdamers no doubt thought my great-grandfather was doing nothing at all to the purpose while he was making such a world of prefatory bustle about the building of his church; and many of the ingenious inhabitants of this fair city will un- (piestionably suppose that all the preliminary chapters, with the discovery, po])ulation, and final settlement of Amei-ica, were totally irrelevant and superfiuous, and that the main business, the History of New York, is not a jot more advanced than if I had never taken up my pen. Never were wise people more mistaken in their conject- ures; in consequence of going to work slowly and delib- erately, the church came out of my grandfather's hands one .of the most sumptuous, goodly and glorious edifices in the known world, excepting that, like our magnificent Capitol at Washington, it was begun on so grand a scale that the good folks could not afford to finish more than the HISTORY OF NEW YORK. 39 wing of it. So, likewise, I trust, if ever I am able to finish tliis work on the plan I have commenced (of which, in simple truth, I sometimes have my doubts), it will be found that I have pursued the latest rules of my art as exempli- fied in the writings of all the great American historians, and wrought a very large history out of a small subject; which now-a-days is considered one of the great triumphs of historic skill. To proceed then, with the thread of my story. In the ever-memorable year of our Lord 1609, on a Sat- urday morning, the five-and-twentietli day of March, old style, did that " worthy and irrecoverable discoverer (as he has justly been called). Master Henry Hudson," set sail from Holland in a stout vessel called the Half Moon, being employed by the Dutch East India Company to seek a north-west passage to China. Henry (or, as the Dutch historians call him, Hendrick) Ilr.dson was a sea-faring man of renown who hud learned to smoke tobacco under Sir Walter Kaleigh, and is said to have been the first to introduce it into Holland, which gained him much popularity in that country, and caused him to find great favor in the eyes of their High Mighti- nesses, the Lord States General, and also of the Honorable West India Company. He was a short, square, brawny old gentleman, with a double chin, a mastiff mouth, and a broad copper nose, which was supposed in those days to have acquired its fiery hue from the constant neighborhood of his tobacco pipe. He wore a true Andrea Ferrara tucked in a leathern belt, and a commodore's cocked hat on one side of his head. He was remarkable for always jerking up his breeches when he gave out his orders, and his voice sounded not unlike the brattling of a tin trumpet, owing to the number of hard north-westers which he had swal- lowed in the course of his seafaring. Such was Hendrick Hudson, of whom we have heard so much and know so little; and I have been thus particular in his description for the benefit of modern painters and statuaries, that they may represent him as he was, and not, according to their common custom with modern heroes, make him look like Ca?sar or Marcus Aurelius or the Apollo of Belvidcre. As chief mate and favorite companion the commodore 40 imTORT OF NEW TOUK. chose Muster Robert Juet of Limehouse in EiigluiKl. liy some liis name has been spelled Chewit, and ascribed to the circumstance of his having been the first man that ever chewed tobacco; but this I believe to be a merely flippancy, more especially as certain of his progeny are living at this day who write their names J net. lie was an old comrade and early schoolmate of tlie grejit Hudson, with whom he luul often j)layed truant and sailed chip boats in a neigh- boring pond wiien they were little boys; from whence it is said the commodore first derived his bias toward a sea- faring life. Certain it is that the old peo})le about Lime- house declared Robert .Juet to be an unlucky uichin, prone to mischief, that would one day or other come to the gallows. J[(; grew upas boys of that kind often grow uj), a ram- bling, heedless varlet, tosseci about in all quarters of the world, meeting with more peiils and wonders than did Sindbad the Sailor, without growing a whit more wise, j)rudent, or ill-natured. Urulcr evciy misfortune he com- forted himself with a quid of tobacco and the ti uly phil- osophic maxim that *'it will be all the same thing a hun- dred years hence." He was skilled in the art of carving ancho)-sand true lovers' knots on the bulkheads and quar>^^er- railings, and was considered a great wit on board ship, in consequence of his playing pranks on everybody around, and now and then even making a wry face at old Ilendrick whe I his back was turned. To this universal genius are we indebted for many par- ticulars concerning this vovage, of which he wrote a his- tory at the request of the commodoi-e, who had an uncon- querable ave'sion to writing himself, from having received so many floggings about it when at school. To supjily the deficiencies of Master Juet's journal, which is wi-itten with true log-book brevity, I have availed myself of divers fam- ily traditions handed down from my great-great-grand- father, who accompanied the expedition in the capacity of cabin-boy. From all that I can learn, few incidents worthy of remark happened in the voyage; and it mortifies me exceedingly that I have to admit so noted an expedition into my work without making any more of it. SufUce it to say, the voyage was prosperous and tranquil, the crew being a patient people, much given to slumber and BlSTOJlT OF NEW YORK. 41 vacuity, and but little troubled with the disease of thiuk- iug — a malady of the mind which is the sure breeder of discontent. Hudson had laid in abundance of gin and sourcrout, and every man was allowed to sleep quietly at his post unless the wini blew. True it is some slight dis- affection was shown on two or three occasions at certain unreasonable conduct of Commodore Hudson. Thus, for instance, he forbore to shorten sail when the wind was light and the weather serene, which was considered among the most experienced Dutch seamen as certain iceatlier-breeders, or prognostics that the weather would change for the worse. He acted, moreover, in direct contradiction to the ancient and sage rule of the Dutch navigators, who always took in sail at night, put the helm a-port, and turned in; by wliicli precaution they had a good night's rest, were sure of know- ing where they were the next morning, and stood but little chance of running down a continent in the dark. He like- wise prohibited the seamen from wearing more than five jackets and six pair of breeches, under pretence of ren- dering them more alert; and no man was permitted to go aloft aud haul in sails with a pipe in his mouth, as is the invariable Dutch custom at the present day. All these grievances, tliough they might ruffle for a moment the constitutional tranquility of tlie honest Dutch tars, made but transient impression; tliey ate hugely, drank profusely, and slept immeasurably, and, being under the especial guidance of Providence, the ship was safely conducted to tlie coast of America, wliere, after sundry unimportant toucliings and standings off and on, she at length, on the fourth day of September, entered that majestic bay which at this day expands its ample bosom before the city of Xew York, and which had never before been visited by any European.* * True it is — and I am not ignorant of the fact — that in a certain apocryphal book of voyages, compiled by one Hakluyt, is to be found a letter written to Francis the First by one Giovanne (or John) Verazzani, on which some writers are inclined to found a belief that this delightful bay had been visited nearly a century previous to the voyage of the enterprising Hudson. Now, this (albeit it has met with the countenance of certain very judicious and learned men) I hold in utter disbelief, and that for various good and substantial rea- sons: First, Because on strict examination it will be found tliat the description given by this Verazzani applies about as well to the bay of New York as it does to my night cap. Secondly, Because that 42 niSTOR Y OF NE W YORK. It lias been traditiumiry in our fiunily that wlieii the f^reat navigator was first hiessed with a view of this en- cijantiiig ishiiid he was observed, for the first and only time in his life, to exhibit strong symptoms of astonishment and admiration. He is said to have turned to Master J net and uttered these remarkable words, while he pointed toward this paradise of the new world: **SeeI therel" and there- u[)()n, as was always his way when he wiis uncommonly pleased, he did i)uir out such clouds of dense tobacco smoke that in one minute the vessel was out of sight of land, and Master duet was fain to wait until the winds dispersed this impenetrable fog. It was indeed, as my great-grandfather used to say — though in truth I never heard him, for he died, as might be expected, before 1 was born — It was indeed a spot on which the eye might have reveled for ever in ever-new and never-ending beauties." The island of Manna-hata spread wide before them, like some sweet vision of fancy or some fair creation of industrious magic. Its hills of smil- ing green swelleil gently one above another, crowned with lofty trees of luxuriant growth, some pointing their taper- ing foliage toward the clouds, which were gloriously trans- parent, ;ind otheis loaded with a verdant burden of clambering vines, bowing their branches to the earth, that was covered with fiowers. On the gentle declivities of the hills were scattered in gay profusion the dog- wood, the sumach, and the wild brier, whose scarlet berries and white blossoms glowed brightly among the deep green of the sur- tliis John Verazzani, for whom I already begin to feel a most bitter enmity, is a native of Florence; and everybody knows the crafty wiles of these losel Florentines, by which they filched away the laurels from the brows of the immortal Colon (vulgarly called Col- umbus), and bestowed them on their officious townsman, Amerigo Vespucci; and I make no doubt they are equally ready to rob the illustrious Hudson of the credit of discovering this beautiful island adorned by the city of New York, and placing it beside their usurped discovery of South America. And, thirdly, 1 award my decision in favor of the pretensions of Hendrick Hudson, inasmuch as his ex- pedition sailed from Holland, being truly and al)solutely a Dutch enter})rise; and t Hough all the proofs in the world were introduced on the other side, I would set them at naught, as undeserving my attention. H" these three reasons be not sufficient to satisfy every burgher of this ancient city, all I can say is, they are degenerate descendants from their venerable Dutch ancestors, and totally un- worthy the trouble of convincing. Thus, therefore, the title of Hendrick Hudson to his renowned discovery is fully vindicated. BISTORT OF NEW YORK. 43 rounding foliage; and here and there a curling column of smoke, rising from the little glens that opened along the shore, seemed to promise the weary voyagers a welcome at the hands of their fellow-creatures. As they stood gazing with entranced attention on the scene before them, a red man, crowned with featliers, issued from ojie of these glens, and after contemplating in silent wonder the gallant siiip as she sat like a stately swan swimming on a silver lake, sounded the war-whoop and bounded into the woods like a wild deer, to the utter astonishment of the phlegmatic Dutchmen, who had never heard such a noise or witnessed such a caper in their whole lives. Of the transactions of our adventurers with the savages, and how the latter smoked copper pipes and ate dried cur- rants; how they brought great store of tobacco and oysters; how they shot one of the shii)'s ciew, and how he was buried — I shall say nothing, being that I consider them unimportant to my history. After tarrying a few days in the bay in order to refresh themselves after their seafaring, onr voyagers weighed anchor to explore a mighty river which emptied into the bay. This river, it is said, was known among the savages by the name of the Sliatcnnich, though we are assured in an excellent little history pub- lished in 1G74 by John Josselyn, Gent., that it was called the MoJiegcDi* and blaster Richard Bloome, who wrote some time afterward, asserts the same; so that I very much incline in favor of the opinion of these two honest gentle- men. Be this as it may, up this river did the adventurous Ilendrick proceed, little doubting but it would turn out to be the much-looktd-for passage to China! The journal goes on to make mention of divers inter- views between the crew and the natives in the voyage up the river; but as they would be impertinent to my history, 1 shall pass over them in silence, except the following dry joke, played off by the old commodore and his school- fellow, Robert Juet, which does such vast credit to their experimental philosophy that I cannot refrain from insert- ing it: Our master and his mate determined to try some of the chiefe men of the countrey, whether they had any treacherie in them. So they tooke them downe into the * This river is likewise laid down in Ogilvy's map as Manhattan, Koordt, Montaigne, and Mauritius River. 44 JIISTOnr OF NEW YORK. cjibin, and gave tlioni so imicli wine and aqua vitai, tliat they were all nienie; and one of them liad his wife with him, whicli sate so modestly, as any of our countrey women would do in a strange place. In the end, one of them was drunke, which had been aborde of our ship all the time that we had been there, and that was strange to them, for tliey could not tell how to take it/'* Having satisfied himself by this inger.ious experiment that the natives were an honest, social race of jolly royster- crs, who hail no objection to a drinking-bout and were very merry in their cu})s, the old commod(jie chuckled hugely to himself, and tlirusting a doui)le quid of tobacco in his cheek, directed Master Juet to have it carefully recorded, for the satisfaction of ail the naturid philosopliers of the University of Leyden; which done, he })roceeded on his voyage with gi-eat self-com))lacency. After sailing, how- ever, above an hundred miles up the river, he found the watery world around him began to grow more shallow and contined, the current moie rai)i(l, and perfectly fresh — phenomena not uncommon in the ascent of rivers, but which i)uzzle(l the honest Dutchmen prodigiously. A consultation was therefore called, and, having deliberated full six hours, tliey were brought to a determination by the ship's running aground; wi»ereui)on they unanimously concluded that there was but little chance of getting to China in this direction. A boat, however, was disj)atched to explore higlier up the river, which, on its return, con- firmed the opinion: npon tliis the ship was warped off and put about with great difficulty, being, like most of her sex, exceedingly harcl to govern; and tiie adventurons Hudson, according Lo the account of my great-great-grand- father, returned down the river with a prodigious flea in his ear. Being satisfied that there was little likelihood of getting to China unless, like tlie blind man, he returned from whence he set out and took a fresh start, he forthwith re- crossed the sea to Holland, where he was received with great welcome by the Honorable East India Company, who were very much rejoiced to see him come back safe with their ship; and at a large and respectable meeting of the first merchants and burgomasters of Amsterdam it was * Juet's Journ. Purcli. Pil. HISTORY OF NEW YORK. 45 unanimously determined tliat as a munificent reward for the eminent services he had performed and the important discovery lie had made, the great river Mohegan should be called after his name; and it continues to be called Hud- son River unto this very day. t 40 HISTORY OF NEW YORK. CIIAITKK II. CONTAININC; AN ACCOINT OF A MKiHTV AliK WHU'II FLOATED, LNDEK THK I'KOTKCTIOX OF ST. XH HOLAS, FiiOM HOLLAND TO (JiniMT ISLAND — THK DESCENT OF THE STKAN(JE ANIMALS IHEKEFKOM — A (UiEAT VIC- TORY, AND A DKSCKI ITION Ol 'I H E ANCIENT VILLACJE OF COMMIMI'AW. E fleloctiible accounts given by the f^roat Ifiidson and Master Juct of the country tliey had discovered excited not a little talk and speculation among the good people of Holland. Letters patent were granted by government to an association of merclumts called the West India Com- pany for the exclusive trade on Hudson Uiver, on which they erected a trading-house called Fort Aurania. or Orange, from whence did spring the great city of Albany. But 1 forbear to dwell on the various commcicial and colonizing enterprises which took i)lace — among which was that of ^iynheer Adrian Block, who discovered and gave a name to Block Island, since famous for its cheese — and shall barely confine myself to that which gave birth to this renowned city. It was sonie three or four years after the return of the immortal Hendrick that a crew of honest. Low Dutch colonists set sail from the city of Amsterdam for the shores of America. It is an irreparable loss to history, and a great proof of the dai-kness of the age and the lamentable neglect of the noble art of bookmaking, since so indus- triously cultivated by knowitig se;i-captains and learned supercargoes, tliat an expedition so interesting and impor- tant in its results should be passed over in ntter silence. To my great-great-grandfather am I again indebted for the few facts I am enabled to give concerning it, he having once more embarked for this country with a full determin- ation, as he said, of ending his days here, and of be- HISTORY OF NEW YORK. 47 getting a race of Knickerbockers that should rise to be great men in the hind. The ship in which these iUustrious adventurers set sail was called tlie Goede Vroiiw, or Good Woman, in compli- ment to the wife of the president of the West India Com- pany, who was allowed by everybody (except her husband) to be a sweet-tempered lady — when not in liquor. It was in truth a most gallant vessel, of the most approved Dutch construction, and made by the ablest ship carpenters of Amsterdam, who it is well known always model their ships after the fair forms of their countrywomen. Accordingly, it had one hundred feet in the beam, one hundred feet in the keel, and one hundred feet from the bottom of the stern-post to the tafferel. Like the beauteous model, who was declared to be the greatest belle in Amsterdam, it was full in the bows, with a jmir of enormous cat-heads, a cop- per bottom, and withal a most prodigious poopi The architect, who was somewhat of a religious man, far from decorating the slii]) witli pagan idols, sucli as Jupiter, Neptune, or Hercules (which lieathenish abominations I have no doubt occasion tlie misfortunes and shipwreck of many a noble vessel) — he, I say, on the contrary, did laud- ably erect for a head a goodly image of St. Xicholas, equipped with a low, broad brimmed-hat, a huge pair of Flemish trunk hose, and a pipe that reached to the end of the bow-sprit. Thus gallantly furnished, the stanch ship floated sideways, like a majestic goose, out of the harbor of the great city of Amsterdam, and all the bells that were not otherwise engaged rang a triple bobnuijor on the joy- ful occasion. My great-great-grandfather remarks that the voyage was uncommonly prosperous, for, being under the especial care of the ever-revered St. Xicholas, the Goede Yrouw seemed to be endowed with qualities unknown to common vessels. Thus she made as much leeway as headway, could get along very nearly as fast with the wind ahead as when it was apoop, and was particularly gj-eat in a calm; in conse- quence of which singular advantages she made out to accom- plish her voyage in a very few months, and came to anchor at the moutii of the Hudson a little to the east of Gibbet Island. Here, lifting up their eyes, they beheld, on what is at present called the Jersey shore, a small Indian village. 48 niSTORY OF NEW YORK. ]»l(jii.ScUitly C'liihoworcd in ii grove of Kprt'iidiiig elms, and tlie iiiiLivos uU collected on the beach gazing in Htuj)id ad- miration at the CJoede Vrouw. A boat wjus immediately dispatched to enter into a treaty with them, anil, ai)pi-oach- ing the shore, hailed them through a trumpet in tlie most fiiendly terms; but so horribly confounded were these i)Oor savages at the tremendous and uncouth sound of the J^ow Dutch language that they one and all to(jk to their heels, and scan4)ered over the Ik-rgen hills; nor diil they stop until they had buried themselves, head and ears, in the marshes ou the other siile, where they all miserably i)er- ished to a man, and their bones, being collected and de- cently covered by the Tamnniny Society of that day, formed that singular mound called 1{attlp:sx\ke Hill which rises out of the center of the salt marshes a little to the east of the Newark causeway. Aninuited by this unlooked-for victory, our valiant heroes si)rang ashore in ti iumph, took possession of the soil as con- (pierors in the name of their High Mightinesses the Lords States (Jeneral, and, nug-ching feailessly forward, cariii'd the village of Commi'XII'AW by storm, notwithstanding that it was vigorously defended by some half a score of old squaws and pa])pooses. On looking about them they were BO transported with the excellencies of the j)lace that they liail very little doubt the blessed St. Nicholas had guided them thither as the very spot whereon to settle their colony. The softness of the soil was wonderfully adapted to the driving of piles; the swamps and marshes around them afforded amj)le opjiortunities for the constructing of dykes and dams; the shallowness of the shore was peculiarly favorable to the building of docks — iu a word this si)ot abounded with all the requisites for the foundation of a great Dutch city. On making a faithful report, therefore, to the crew of the Goede \'iouw, they one and all deter- mined that this was the destined end of their voyage. Accordingly they descended fiom the Goede Vrouw, men, women, and children, in goodly groups, as did the animals of yore from t>ie ark, and formed themselves into a thriv- ing settlement, which they called by the Indian name COMMUXIPAW. As all the world is doubtless perfectly aquainted with Communipaw^ it may seem somewhat superfluous to treat of it in the present work; but my readers will please to HISTORY OF NEW YORK. 49 recollect that notwithstanding it is my chief desire to satisfy the present age, yet I write likewise for posterity, and have to consult the understanding and curiosity of some half a score of centuries yet to come; by which time, perhaps, were it not for this invaluable history, the great Com- niunipaw, like Babylon, Carthage, Nineveh, and other great cities, might be perfectly extinct — sunk and forgot- ten in its own mud, its inhabitants turned into oysters,* and even its situation a fertile subject of learned controversy and hard-headed investigation among indefatigable his- torians. Let me then piously rescue from oblivion the humble relics of a place which was the egg from whence was hatched the mighty city of New York I Communipaw is at present but a small village, pleasantly situated, among rural scenery, on thiit beauteous part of the Jersey shore which was known in ancient legends by the name of Pavonia, \ci\\& commands a grand prospect of the superb bay of Xew York. It is within but half an hour^s sail of the latter [)lace, provided you have a fair wind, and may be distinctly seen from the city. Xay, it is a well- known fact, which I can testify from my own experience, that on a clear still summer evening you may hear, from the Battery of New York, the obstreperous peals of broad- mouthed laughter of tlie Dutch negroes at Communipaw, who, like most other negroes, are famous for their risible powers. This is, peculiarly the case on Sunday ever.ings, when, it is remarked by an ingenious and observant phil- osopher, who has made great discoveries in the neighbor- hood of this city, that they always laugh loudest; which he attributes to the circumstance of their having their holiday clothes on. These negroes, in fact, like the monks in the Dark Ages, engross all the knowledge of the place, and being infinitely more adventurous and more knowing than their masters, carry on all the foreign trade, making frequent voyages to town in canoes loaded with oysters, buttermilk and cab- bages. They are great astrologers, predicting the different changes of weather almost as accurately as an almanac; they are moreover exquisite performers on three- stringed fiddles; in whistling they almost boast the far-famed powers * Men by inaction degenerate into oysters. — Kaimes. f Pavonia, in the ancient maps, is given to a tract of country extending from about Hoboken to Amboy. 50 UISTORY OF NEW YORK. of Or})lieu.s' lyre, for not a horse or an ox in the place when at the plow or before the wagon will budge a foot until he hears the well-known whistle of his black driver and companion. And from their amazing skill at casting up accounts upon their fingeis, they are regarded with as much veneration as were tlie disciples of Pythagoras of yore when initiatctl into the sacred (piaternai-y of num- bers. As to the honest burghers of Communipaw, like wise men and sound phihjsophers they never look beyrjiid their pipes, nor trouble their heads about any affairs out of their immediate neighborhood; so that they live in })rofouud and enviable iguorance of all the troubles, anxieties, and revolutions of this distracted planet. I am even told that many among them do verily believe that Holland, of which they have heard so much from tradition, is situated some- where on Long Island; that SjiikiiKj-decil and ihe Xarroio.s are the two ends of the world; that the country is still under the dominion of their High Mightinesses; and that the city of \ew York still goes by the name of \ieuw Amsterdam. Tijey mwt every Saturday afternoon at the only tavern in tiie place, which bears as a sign a square- headed likeness of the Prince of Oi-ange, where they smoke a silent })ipe by way of promoting social conviviality, and invariably drink ai;iug of cider to the success of Admiral Van Tromp, who they imagine is still sweeping the British Channel with a broom at his masthead. Communipaw, in short, is one of tiie numerous little vil- lages in the vicinity of this most beautiful of cities which are so many strongiiolds and fastnesses whither the primi- tive mannors of our Dutch foi'efathers have retreated, and where they are cherished with devout and scrupulous strictness. The dress of tiie original settlers is handed down inviolate from father to son; the identical broad- brimmed hat, broad-skirted coat, and broad-bottomed breeches continue from generation to generation; and sev- eral gigantic knee-buckles of massy silver are still in wear that made g;.dlant display in the days of the patriarchs of Communipaw. The hiuguage likewise continues unadul- terated by barbarous innovations, and so critically correct is the village schoolmaster in his dialect that his reading of a Low Dutch psalm has much the same effect on the nerves the filing of a handsaw, HISTORY OF HEW YOBE, 61 CHAPTER III. IN -WHICH IS SET FORTH THE TRUE ART OF MAKING A BARGAIN — TOGETHER WITH THE MIRACULOUS ESCAPE OF A GREAT METROPOLIS IN A FOG — AND THE BIOG- RAPHY OF CERTAIN HEROES OF COMMUNIPAW. Having in the trifling digression which concluded the last chapter, discharged the filial duty which the city of New York owed to (Jommiinipaw as being the mother set- tlement,, and having given a faithful picture of it as it stands at present, I return with a soothing sentiment of self-approbation to dwell upon its early history. The crew of the Goede Vrouw being soon reinforced by fresh import- ations from Holland, the settlement went joUily on, in- creasing in magnitude and prosperity. The neighboring Indians in a short time became accustomed to the uncouth sound of the Dutch language, and an intercourse gradually took place between them and the new-comers. The Indians were much given to long talks, and the Dutch to Tong sil- ence; in this particulai", therefore, they accommodated each other completely. The chiefs would make long speeches about the big bull, the Wabash, and the Great Spirit, to which the others would listen very attentively, smoke their pipes and grunt yah, myn-lier — whereat the poor savages were wondrously delighted. They instructed the new settlers in the best art of curing and smoking to- bacco, while the latter, in return, made them drunk with true Hollands, and then taught them the art of making bargains. A brisk trade for furs was soon opened: the Dutch traders were scrupulously honest in their dealings, and pur- chased by weight, establishing it as an invariable table of avoirdupois that the hand of a Dutchman weighed one pound and his foot two pounds. It is true the simple In- dians were ofter puzzled by the great disproportion between 52 HISTORY OF NEW YORK. bulk and w(.'i;j;lit, for let tliom place a bundle of furs, never so lar<^e, in one scale, and a Dutcliniaii j)ut liishaiid or foot in the other, the bundle was sure to kick the beam — never was a package of furs known to wei<^h more than two pounds in the market of Communipawl This is a singular fact, but 1 have it diiect from my great-great-grandfather, who had risen to considerable im- 2)ortance in the colony, being promoted to the ofhce of weigh-master on account of the uncommon heaviness of his foot. The Dutcli possessions in this part of the globe began now to assume a very thriving appeaiance, and were com- prehended under the general title of Nieuw Nederlandts, on account, as the sage Vander Douck observes, of their great resemblance to the Dutch Netherlands; which indeed was truly remarkable, excej)ting that the former were rug- ged and mountainous, and the latter level and marsiiy. About this time the tianquility of the Dutch colonists was doomed to sulTer a temp(jiary interruption. In 1G14, Cap- tain Sir Samuel Argal, sailing under a commission from Dale, governor of Virginia, visited the Dutcli settlements 0!i Hudson River and demanded their submission to the English crown and Virginian dominion. To this arro- gant demand, as they were in no condition to resist it, they submitted for the time, like discreet and reasonable men. It does not appear that the valiant Argal molested the settlement of Communipaw; on the contrary, I am told that when his vessel first hove in eight the worthy burghers were seized with such a panic that they fell to smoking their pipes with astonishing vehemence ; insomuch that they quickly raised a cloud which, combining with the surrounding woods and marshes, completely enveloped and concealed their beloved village and overhung the fair regions of Pavonia, so that the terrible Captain Argal passed on, totally unsuspicious that a sturdy little Dutch settlement lay snugly couched in the mud under cover of all this pestilent vapor. In commemoration of this fortu- nate escape the worthy inhabitants have continued to smoke, almost without intermission, unto this very day, which is said to be the cause of the remarkable fog which often hangs over Communipaw of a clear after- noon. BtSTORY OF NEW YORK. 53 Upon the departure of the enemy our worthy ancestors took full six months to recover their wind and get over the consternation into which they had been thrown. They then called a council of safety to smoke over the state of the province. At this council presided one Oloffe Van Kortlandt, a personage who was held in great reverence among the sages of Commnnipaw for the variety and dark- ness of his knowledge. He had originally been one of a set of peripatetic philosophers who had passed much of their time sunning tliemselves on the side of the great canal of Amsterdam in Holland, enjoying, like Diogenes, a free and unencumbered estate in sunshine. His name Kort- landt (Shortland or Lackland) was supposed, like tliat of the illustrious Jean Sansterre, to indicate that he had no land; but he insisted, on the contrar}^, that he had grea^ landed estates somewhere in Terra Incognita, and lie had come out to the New World to look after them. He was the first great land speculator that we read of in these parts. Like all land speculators, he was much given to dream- ing. Xever did anything extraordinary happen to Com- mnnipaw but he declared that he had previously dreamt it, being one of those infallible prophets who predict events after they have come to pass. This supernatural gift was as highly valued among the burghers of Pavonia as among the enlightened nations of antiquity. The wise L'lysses was more inciebted to his sleeping than his waking mo- ments for his most subtle achievements, and seldom under- took any great exploit without first soundly sleeping upon it; and the same maybe said of OloffeVan Kortlandt, who was hence aptly denominated Olotfe the Dreamer. As yet his dreams pnd speculations had turned to little personal profit, and he was as much a lack-land as ever. Still, he carried a high head in the community; if his sugar-loaf hat was rather the worse for wear, he set it off with a taller cock's tail ; if his shirt was none of the cleanest, he pulled it out the more at the bosom; and if the tail of it peeped out of a hole in his breeches, it at least proved that it really had a tail and was not mere ruffle. The worthy Van Kortlandt in the council in question urged the policy of emerging from the sw-amps of Com- jnunipaw and seeking some more eligible site for the seat HISTORY OF NEW YORK. of empire. Such, lie said, was tiie advice of the good St. Nicholas, wlio had appeared to him in a dream the night before, and whom he had known by his broad hat, his long pipe, and the resemblance which he bore to the figure on the bow of the (loede Vrouw. Many have thought this dream was a tnere invention of Oh^lfe Van Kortlandt, who, it is said, had ever rugaided Communipaw with an evil eye because he had arrived there after all the land hiid been shared out, and who was anxious to change the seat of enipire to some new j)lace, where he might be present at the distribution of "town lots." But we must not give heed to such insinuations, which are too a})t to be advanced against those worthy gentlemen eng.iged in laying out towns and in other land speculations. For my own part, I am disposed to place the same implicit faith in the vision of OlolTe the Dreamer that was manifested by the honest burghers of Communi- paw, who one and all agreed that an expedition should be forthwith fitted out to go on a voyage of discovery in quest of a new seat of em})ire. This perilous enterprise was to be conducted by Oloffe himself, who chose as lieutenants or coadjutors Myiiheeis Abraham llardenbroeck. Jacobus Van Zandt, and Winant Ten Broeck — three indubitably great men, but of whose history, although 1 have made diligent inquiry, I can learn but little previous to their leaving Ilolland. Nor need this occasion much surj>rise, for adventurers, like prophets, though they make great noise abroad, iiave seldom much celebrity in their own countries ; but this much is certain, that the overflowings and offscourings of a country are in- vai-iably coiiiposed of the richest parts of the soil. And here I cannot help remarking how convenient it would be to many of our great men and great families of doubtful origin could they have the privilege of the heroes of yore, who, whenever their origin was involved in obscurity, modestly announced themselves descended from a god, and who never visited a foreign country but what they told some cock-and-bull stories about their being kings and princes at home. This venal trespass on the truth, though it has been occasionally played off by some pseudo marquis, baronet, and other illustrious foreigner in our land of good- natured credulit}^ has been completely discountenanced in this skeptical, matter-of-fact age, and I even question mSTORY OF NEW YORE. 55 whether any tender virgin, who was accidentally and nn- accoantably enriched with a bantling, would save her character at parlor firesides and evening tea-parties by ascribing the phenomenon to a swan, a shower of gold, or a river god. Had I the benefit of mythology and classic fable above alluded to, I should have furnished the first of the trio with a pedigree equal to that of the proudest hero of antiq- uity. His name, Van Zandt — that is to say, from tlie sand, or, in common parlance, from tlie dirt— gave reason to sup2)0se that, like Triptolemns, Themes, the Cyclops, and the Titans, lie had sprung from Dame Terra, or the earth! This supposition is strongly corroborated by his size, for it is well known that all the progeny of mother earth were of a gigantic stature; and Van Zandt, we are told, was a tall, raw-boned man, above six feet high, with an astonishingly hard head. Xor isthis oi'igin of the illus- trious Van Zandt a wit more im{)robable or repugnant to believe than what is related and universally admitted of certain of our greatest, or rather richest men, who, we are told with the utmost gravity, did originally spring from a dunghill! Of the second of the trio but faint accounts have reached to this time, which mention that he was a sturdy, obstinate, worrying, bustling little man, and, from being usually equipped in an old pair of buckskins, was famil- iarly dubbed if ardenbroeck; that is to say. Hard in the Breech, or, as it was generally rendered. Tough Breeches. Ten Broeck completed this junto of adventurers. It is a singular but ludicrous fact — which, were I not scrupu- lous in recording the whole truth, I should almost be tempted to pass over in silence as incompatible with the gravity and dignity of histor}' — that this worthy gentleman should likewise have been nicknamed from what in modern times is considered the most ignoble part of the dress. But in truth the small clothes seems to have been a very dignified garment in the eyes of our venerated ancestors, in all probability from its covering that part of the body which has been pronounced *'the seat of honor. The name of Ten Br(teck, or, as it was sometimes spelled, Tin Broeck, has been indifferently translated into Ten Breeches and Tin Breeches. Certain elegant and ingenious writers on the subject declare in favor of Tin, or rather 66 HISTORY OF NEW TOUK. Thin, Breeclies; wlience tliey infer that the original bearer of it was a poor but merry rogue, wliose galligaHkius were none of the soundest, and who, perad venture, may have been the autlior of that truly phisosophical stanza: " Then why should we quarrel for riches, Or any such ^litt«'rin^ toys? A l i^^ht heart and pair of breeches Will ^o through the \V(jrld, my brave hoys!" "^rhe more accurate commentators, however, declare in favor of tlie other reading, and aflirm that the woi'tliy in ques- tion was a burly, bulbous man, wiio, in sheer ostentation of his venerable progenitors, was the first to introduce into the settlement the ancient Dutch fashion of ten pair of breeches. Such was the trio of coadjutors chosen by Oloffe the Dreamer to accompany him in this voyage into unknown realms; as to tlie names of his crews, they liave not been handed down by history. Having, as I before observed, passed much of his life in the open air, amono; the peripatetic i)hilosophers of Am- sterdam, OlolTe had become familiar with the aspect of the lieavens, and could as accurately determine when a st«rm was brewing or a sqiuill rising as a dutiful husband can foresee from the brow of his spouse when a tempest is gathering about his ears. Having pitched upon a time for liis vo3'age when the skies appeared propitious, he exhorted all his crews to take a good night's rest, wind up their family affairs, and make their wills — precautions taken by our forefathers even in after-times when they became more adventurous, and voyaged to Haverstraw, or Kaatskill, or Groodt Esopus, or any other far country beyond the great waters of the Tappaan Zee. BISTORT OF NEW YORK. 61 CHAPTER IV. HOW THE HEROES OF COMMUXIPAW VOYAGED TO HELL- GATE, AND HOW THEY WERE RECEIVED THERE. And now the rosy blush of mom began to mantle in the east, and soon the rising siin, em.erging from amid golden and purple clouds, shed his blithesome rays on the tin weathercocks of Commuuipaw. It was that delicious sea- son of the year when Nature, breaking from the chilling thraldom of old winter, like a blooming damsel from the tyranny of a sordid old father, threw herself, blushing with ten thousand charms, into the arms of youthful spring. Every tufted copse and blooming grove resounded with the notes of hymeneal love. The very insects, as they sipped the de\v that gemmed the tender grass of the meadows, joined in the joyous epithalamium, the virgin bud timidly put forth its blushes, ''the voice of the turtle was heard in the land, and the heart of man dissolved away in tender- ness. sweet TheocritusI had I thine oaten reed, where- with thou erst did charm the gay Sicilian plains, or gentle Bion I thy pastoral pipe, wherein the happy swains of the Lesbian isle so much delighted, then might I at- tempt to sing, in soft Bucolic or negligent Idyllium, the rural beauties of the scene. But having nothing, save this jaded goose-quill, wherewith tovring my flight, I must fain resign all poetic disportings of the fancy and pursue my narrative in humble prose, comforting myself with the hope that though it may not steal so sweetly upon the im- agination of my reader, yet it may commend itself, with virgin modesty, to his better judgment clothed in the chaste and simple garb of truth. No sooner did the first rays of cheerful Phoebus dart into the windows of Communipaw than the little settle- ment was all in motion. Forth issued from his castle the sage Van Kortlandt, and, seizing a conch-shell, blew a far- 58 UISTORY OF NEW YORK. resound iiig l^last, tliat soon suiiimoiiod all \m lusty follow- eis. Tlien did they trudge resolutely down to tlie water- side, escorted by a multitude of relatives and friends, who all went down, as the common phrase expresses it, **to see them off." And this sIjows the antiquity of those long family processions, often seen in our city, composed of all ages, sizes, and sexes, laden with bundles and bandboxes, escorting tiome bevy of country cousins about to depart for home in a nuirket-ljoat. The good OlolTe bestowed his forces in a squadron of three canoes, and hoisted his flag on board a little rouiul Dutch boat, shaped not uidike a tub, which had for- merly been the jolly-boat of the Goede Vrouw. And now, all being embarked, they bade farewell to the gazing throng upon the beach, who continued shouting after them even when out of hearing, wishing them a happy voyage, advising them to take good care of themselves,not to get drowned, with an abundance other of those sage and invaliuil)le cautions generally given by landsmen to such as go down to the sea. in ships and adventure ujion the deep waters. Ill the meanwhile, the voyagers cheerily urged their course across the crystal bosom of the bay and soon left behind them the green shores of ancient Pavonin. And tirst they touched at two small islands which lie nearly opposite Communipaw, and which are said to have been brought into existence about the time of the great irruption of the Hudson, when it broke through the High- lands and made its way to the ocean.* For in this tremen- dous uproar of the waters we are told that many huge fragments of j'ock and land were rent from the mountains and swept down by this runaway river for sixty or seventy * It is a matter long since establisLed by certain of our phi- losophers — that is to say, having been often advanced and never contradicted, it has grown to be pretty nigh equal to a settled fact — that the Hudson was originally a lake dammed up by the mountains of the Highlands. In process of time, however, becom- ing very mighty ar. i obstreperous, and the mountains waxing pursy, dropsical, and weak in the back by reason of their extreme old age, it suddenly rose upon them and after a violent struggle effected its escape. This is said to have come to pass in very remote time, prob- ably before that rivers had lost the art of running up hill. The foregoing is a theory in which I do not pretend to be skilled, not- withstanding that I do fully give it my belief. mSTORT oy NEW youi^. 59 miles, where some of them ran aground on the shoal just opposite Communipaw, and formed the identical islands in question, while others drifted out to sea and were never lieard of more! A sufficient proof of the fact is, that the rock which forms the bases of these islands is exactly similar to that of the Highlands, and moreover one of our philosophers, who has diligently compared the agree- ment of their respective surfaces, has even gone so far as to assure me, in confidence, that Gibbet IsLand was orig- inally nothing more nor less than a wart on Anthony's Nose.* Leaving these wonderful little isles, they next coasted by Governor's Island, since terrible from its frowning fortress and grinning batteries. They would by no means, how- ever, land upon this island, since they doubted much it might be the abode of demons and spirits, which in those days did greatly abound throughout this savage and pagan country. Just at this time a shoal of jolly porpoises came rolling and tumbling by, turning up their sleek sides to the sun and spouting up the briny element in sparkling showers. No sooner did the sage Oloffe mark this than he was greatly rejoiced. *'Tliis," exclaimed he, ''if I mistake not, augurs well: the porpoise is a fat, well-conditioned fish a burgomaster among fishes; his looks betoken ease, plenty, and prosperity; I greatly admire this round fat fish, and doubt not but this is a happy omen of the success of our undertaking." So saying, he directed his squadron to steer in the track of these alderman fishes. Turning, therefore, directly to the left, they swept up the strait vulgarly called the East River. And here the rapid tide which courses through this strait, seizing on the gallant tub in which Commodore Van Kortlandt had em- barked, hurried it forward with a velocity unparalleled in a Dutch boat navigated by Dutchmen; insomuch that the good commodore, who had all his life long been accus- tomed only to the drowsy navigation of canals, was more than ever convinced that they were in the hands of some supernatural power, and that the jolly porpoises were tow- ing them to some fair haven that was to fulfill all their wishes and expectations. A promontory in the Highlands. 60 HISTORY OF NEW TOIlK. Tlius borne away by tlie resistless current, they doubled that boisterous point of land since called Corlear's Hook,* and leaving to the right the rich winding cove of the Wal- labout, tiiey drifted into a magnificent expanse of water, surrounded by pleasant shores whose verdure was exceed- ingly refreshing to the eye. While the voyagers were looking around tiieni on what they conceived to be a serene and sunny hike, tliey beheld at a distance a crew of painted savages busily employed in tishing, who seemed more like the genii of this ronumtic region, their slender canoe lightly balanced like a feather on the undulating surface of the bay. At sight of these the hearts of the heroes of Commu- nipaw were not a little troubled. But, as good fortune would have it, at the bow of the commodore's boat was stationed a very valiant man, named llundrick Kip (which, being interpreted, means cJiicken, a name given him in token of his courage). No sooner did he behold these varlet heathens than lie trembled with excessive valor, and although a good half mile distant he seized a musketoon that lay at hand, and, turning away his head, tired it most in- trepidly in the face of tlie blessed sun. 'J'he blundering weapon recoiled and gave the valiant Kip an ignominious kick, which laid him ])rostrate with u})lifted heels in the bottom of the boat. But such was the eflect of this trem- endous fire that the wild men of the woods, struck with consternation, seized hastily upon their paddles and shot away into one of the deep inlets of the Long Island shore. This sigiuil victory gave new spirits to the voyagers, and in honor of the achievement they gave tlie name of the valiant Kip co the surrounding bay, and it has continued to be called Kip's Bay from that time to the present. The heart of the good Van Kortlandt — who, having no land of his own, was a great admirer of other people's — expanded to the full size of a pepper-coru at the sumptuous prospect of rich unsettled country around him, and falling into a delicious reverie he straightway began to riot in the possess- ion of vast meadows of salt marsh and interminable patches of cabbages. From this delectable vision he was all at once awakened by the sudden turning of the tide, which vrould soon have hurried him from this land of * Properly spelled hoeck {i. e. a point of land). HISTORY OF NEW TORE. 61 promise, had not the discreet navigator given signal to steer for shore, where they accordingly landed hard by the rocliy heights of Bellevue — that happy retreat where our jolly aldermen eat for the good of the city and fatten the turtle that are sacrificed on civic solemnities. Here, seated on the green sward, by the side of a small stream that ran sparkling among the grass, they refreshed themselves after the toils of the seas by feasting lustily on the ample stores which they had provided for this perilous voyage. Thus, having well fortified their deliberative powers, they fell into an earnest consultation what was further to be done. This was the first council-dinner ever eaten at Bellevue by Christian burghers, and here, as tradition relates, did originate the great family feud be- tween the Hardenbroecks and the Ten Broecks which after- ward had a singular influence on the building of the city. The sturdy Hardenbroeck, whose eyes had been wondroiisly delighted with the salt marshes which spread their reeking bosoms along the coast at the bottom of Kip's Bay, coun- seled by all means to return thither and found the intended city. This was strenuously opposed by the unbending Ten Broeck, and many testy arguments passed between them. The particulars of this controversy have not reached us, which is ever to be lamented: this much is certain, that the sage Oloffe put an end to the dispute by determining to explore still farther in the route which the mysterious porpoises had so clearly pointed out, whereupon the sturdy Tough Breeches abandoned the expedition, took possession of a neighboring hill, and in a fit of great wrath peopled all that tract of country, which has continued to be inhab- ited by the Hardenbroecks unto this very day. By this time the jolly Piioebus, like some wanton urchin sporting on the side of a green hill, began to roll down the declivity of the heavens; and now, the tide having once more turned in their favor, the Pavonians again commit- ted themselves to its discretion, and, coasting along the western shores, were borne toward the straits of Black- well's Island. And here the capricious wanderings of the current occa- sioned not a little marvel and perplexity to these illustrious mariners. Xow would they be cuught by the wanton eddies, and, sweeping round a jutting point, would wind deep into some romantic little cove that indented th^ fair HISTORY OF NEW YORK. isliind of Alannii-hata; now were tliey liurried narrowly by the very basis of imi)en(]ing rocks, mantled with the flaunting grape-vine and crowned with groves whicli tlirew a broad slnule on the waves beneath; and anon tliey were borne away into the niid channel and wafted along with a rapidity that very much discomposed the sage Van Kort- landt, who as he saw the land swiftly receding on either side, began exceedingly to doubt that'terra lirnui was giv- ing them the slip. Wherever the voyagers turned their eyes a new creation seemed to bloom around. No signs of human thrift a])- ])eared to ch(;ck the delicious wildness of Nature, who here reveled in all lier luxuriant variety. Those hills, now bristled, like the fretful porcupine, with rows of poplars (vain upstart plantsi minions of wealth and fashion I), were then adorned with the vigorous natives of the soil — the hardy oak, the generous chestnut, the graceful elm — while here and there the tulip tree reared its majestic head, the giant of the forest. Where now are seen the gay retreats of luxury — villas half buried in twilight bowers, whence the amorous llute oft breathes the sighings of some city swain— there the fish-hawk built his solitary nest on some dry tree that overlooked his watery domitin. The timid deer fed undisturbed along those shores now Iiallowed by the lover's moonlight walk and printed by the slender foot of beauty; and a savage solitude extended over those happy regions where now are reared the stately towers of the Joneses, the Scliermerhornes, and the lihine- landers. Thus gliding in silent wonder through these new and unknown sceaes, the gallant squadron of Pavonia swept by the foot of a promonotory which strutted forth boldly into the waves and seemed to frown upon them as they brawled against its base. This is the bluff well known to modern mariners by the name of Grade's Point, from the fair castle which, like an elephant, it carries upon its back. And here broke upon their view a wild and varied pros- pect, where hun- and water were beauteously intermingled, as though they had combined to heighten and set off eacli other's charms. To their right lay the sedgy point of Blackweirs Island, dressed in the fresh garniture of living green; beyond it stretched the pleasant coast of Sundswick and the small harbor well known by the name of Hallet's HISTORY OF NEW YORK 63 Cove — a place infamous in latter days b}^ reason of its being tlie haunt of pirates who infest these seas, robbing orchards and watermelon-patches, and insulting gentlemen navigators when voyaging in their pleasure-boats. To the left a deep bay, or rather creek, gracefully receded be- tween shores fringed with forests and forming a kind of vista, through which were beheld the sylvan regions of Haerlem, Morrissania and East Chester. Here the eye reposed with delight on a richly wooded country, diversi- fied by tufted knolls, shadowy intervals, and waving lines of upland, swelling above each other, while over the whole the purple mists of spring diffused a hue of soft volup- tuousness. Just before them the grand course of the stream, making a sudden bend, wound among embowered promontories and shores of emerald verdure that seemed to melt into the wave. A character of gentleness and mild fertility pre- vailed around. The sun had just descended, and the thin haze of twilight, like a transparent veil drawn over the bosom of virgin beauty, heightened the charms which it half concealed. Ah I witching scenes of foul delusion I Ah I hapless voyagers, gazing with simple wonder on these Cii'cean shores! Such, alasi are they, poor easy souls, who listen to the seductions of a wicked world — treacherous are its smiles, fatal its caresses. He who yields to its enticements lanches upon a whelming tide, and trusts his feeble bark among the dimpling eddies of a whirlpool I xA.nd thus it fared with the worthies of Pavonia, who, little mistrusting the guileful scene before them, di ifted quietly on until they were aroused by an uncommon tossing and agitation of their vessels. For now the late dimpling current began to brawl around them and the waves to boil and foam with horrific fury. Awakened as if from a dream, the aston- ished Olofle bawled aloud to put about, but his words were lost amid the roaring of the waters. And now ensued a scene of direful consternation. At one time they were borne with dreadful velocity among tumultuous breakers; at another hurried down boisterous rapids. Xow they were nearly dashed upon the Hen and Chickens (infamous rocksl — more voracious than Scylla and her whelps), and anon they seemed sinking iuto yawning gulfs that threatened to 64 niSTORY OF NEW YORK. (Ml tomb Lliem benciitli tlie waves. All the elements com- bined to produce a hideous confusion. The waters raged, the winds howled, and as they were hurried along several of the astonished mariners beheld the rocks and trees of the neighboring shores driving through the airl At length the mighty tub of Comnnjdore \'an Kortlandt was drawn into the vortex of that tremendous whirlpool called the Pot, where it was whirled about in giddy maz< s until the senses of the good commander and his crew were ovei })owered by the horror of the scene and the strangeness of the revolution. How the gallant squadron of Pavonia was snatched from the jaws of this modern Charybdis has never been truly made known, for so many survived to tell the tale, and, what is still more wonderful, told it in so many different ways, that there has ever prevailed a great variety of o])in- ions on the subject. As to the commodore and his crew, when they came to their senses they found themselves stranded on the Long Island shore. The worthy commodore, indeed, used to relate many and Wonderful stories of his adventures in this time of peril — how that he saw si)ecters flying in the air and heard the yelling of hobgoblins, and put his hand into the pot when they were whirled round, and found the water scalding hot, and beheld several uncouth looking beings seated on rocks and skimming it with huge ladles; but particularly he declared, with great exultation, that he saw the losel })orpoises, which had betrayed them inta this peril, some broiling on the Gridiron and others hissing on the Frying-pan I These, liowever, were considered by many as niere phan- tasies of the commodore while he lay in a tiance, especially as he was known to be given to dreaming, and the truth of them has never been clearly ascertained. It is ceu'tain, however, that to the accounts of Oloffe and his followers may be traced the various ti'aditions handed down of this marvelous strait — as how the devil has been seen there sitting astride cf the Hog's Back and playing on the fiddle, how he broils fish there before a storm, and many other stories in which we must be cautious of putting too much faith. In consequence of all these terrific circumstances the Pavonian commander gave this pass the name of Helle- HISTORY OF NEW TORE. 65 gat, or, as it has been interpreted, Hell-Gate;'^ which it continues to bear at the present day. * Tliis is a narrow strait in the sound, at the distance of six miles above New York. It is dangerous to shipping, unless under the care of skillful pilots, by reason of numerous rocks, shelves, and whirl- pools. These have received sundry appellations, such as the Grid- iron, Frying-pan, Hog's Back, Pot, etc., and are very violent and turbulent at certain times of tide. Certain mealy-mouthed men, of squeamish consciences, who are loth to give the devil his due, have softened the above characteristic name into Hini gate, for- sooth! Let those take care how they venture into the Gate, or they may be hurled into the Pot before they are aware of it. The name of this strait, as given by our author, is supported by the map in Vander Donck's history, published in 1656, by Ogilvie's History of America, 1671, as also by a journal still extant, written in the sixteenth century, and to be found in Hazard's State Papers. And an old MS written in French, speaking of various alterations, in names about this city, observes, "De Helle-gat trou d'Enfer, ils ont fait Hell-gate, Porte d'Enfer." 66 HISTOUY OF ]SEW YORK. CIIArTKPi V. now THE HEROES OF COMMIMI'AW KKTriiXEI) SOMEWHAT WIJ^EK THAN THEY WENT — AND HOW THE SAGE OLOFFE IJKEAMEIJ A DUEAM — AND THE DREAM THAT HE DREAMED. The darkness of iiiglit liad closed upon tliis disastrous day, and a doleful night was it to the shipwreckeectable province; and so tranquil and benevok'ut was his leign tijat I do not find throui(lu)Ut tlie wliole of it a sin^^le in- stance of any offender bein^jj brought to j)unisinnent — a most induljitalde si^n of a merciful governor, and a case unparalleled, cxcej)Ling in a reign of tlie illustrious King Log, from whom, it is hinted, the renowned Van Twilk-r was a lineal descendant. The very outset of the career of this excellent magis- trate was distinguished by an example of legal acumen that gave Mattering presage of a wise and equitable ad- ministration. The morning after lie had been installed \\\ otlice, a?ul at the moment that he was making his breakfast from a piodigious earthen dish filled with milk and Indian ])udding, he was interrupted by the appeaiance of Wandle Schoonhoven, a very important old burgher of New Am- sterdam, who comi)laincd bitterly of one J3arent Bleecker, inasmuch as he refused to come to a settlement of accounts, seeing that there was a heavy balance in favor of the said Wandle. Governor Van Twiller, as I have already ob- served, was a imin of few words; he was likewise a mortal enemy to multiplying writings or being disturbed at his breakfast. Having listened attentively to the statement of Wandle Schoonlioven, giving an occasional grunt as lie shoveled a spoonful of Indian pudding into liis mouth, either as a sign that he relished the disli or compi-ehended the story, he called unto him his constable, and, pulling out of his breeches pocket a huge jack-knife, dispatched it after the defendant as a summons, accompanied by his tobacco-box as a warrant. This summary process was as effectual in those simple days as was the seal ring of the great Haroun Alraschid among the true believers. The two parties being confronted before him, each produced a book of accounts written in a language and character that would have puzzled any but a High Dutch commentator or a learned decipherer of Egyptian obelisks. The sage Wouter took them one after the other, and, having poised them in his hands and atten- tively counted over the number of leaves, fell straightway into a very great doubt, and smoked for half au hour with- BISTORT OF NEW YORK. 91 out saying a word; at length, laying his finger beside his nose and shutting his eyes for a moment with the air of a man who has just cauglit a subtle idea by the tail, he slowly took his pipe from his mouth, puffed forth a column of tobacco-smoke, and with marvelous gravity and solem- nity pronounced — that, having carefully counted over the leaves and weighed the books, it was found that one was just as thick and as heavy as the other; therefore it was the final opinion of the court that the accounts were equally balanced; therefore Wandle should give Barent a receipt, and Barent should give Wandle a receipt; and the consta- ble should pay the costs. This decision, being straightway made known, diffused general joy throughout Xew Amsterdam, for the people immediately perceived that they had a very wise and equitable magistrate to rule over them. But its happiest effect was that not another lawsuit took place througliout the whole of his administration, and the office of constable fell into such decay tliat there was not one of those lose! scouts known in the province for many years. I am the more particular in dwelling on this transaction not only because I deem it one of the most sage and righteous judg- ments on record, and well worthy the attention of modern magistrates, but because it was a miraculous event in the history of the renowned Wouter, being the only time he was ever known to come to a decision iu the whole course of his life. 9^ UL'STOny OF NEW YOliK. CIIAPKR II. ('OXTAIXIXfl SOME ACCOUNT OF THE (iRAXU COUNCIL OF NEW AMSTERDAM, AS ALSO DIVERS ESPECIAL GOOD PHILOSOPHICAL REASON'S WHY AX ALDERMAN SHOULD RE FAT — WITH OTHER PARTICULARS TOUCUIXG THE STATE OF THE PROVINCE. In treating of tlie early governors of the province, I must caution my readers against confounding them, in point of dignity aiul power, witli tliose worthy gentlemen who are wliiinsically denominated governois in this en- lightened rei)ublic — a set of unhap])y victims of })opularity who are in fact the most dependent, henpecked beings in the community, doomed to bear the secret goadings and corrections of tlieir own party, and tlie sneers and reviiiuc,8 of the whole world besides, set up, like geese at Cljribtujas holidays, to be pelted and shot at by every whipster and vagabond in the land. On the contrary, the Dutch gov- ernors enjoyed that uncontrolled authoi'ity vested in all commanders of distant colonies or tenitories. They waie in a manner absolute despots in their little domains, lord- ing it, if so disposed, over both law and gospel, and ac- countable to none but the mother country, which, it is well known, is astonishingly deaf to all complaints against its governors, provided they discharge the main duty of their station — squeezing out a good revenue. This hint will be of importance to prevent my readers from being seized with doubt and incredulity whenever, in the course of this au- thentic history, they encounter the uncommon circumstance of a governor acting with independence and in oppositioQ to the opinions of the multitude. To assist the doubtful Wouter in the arduous business of legislation a board of magistrates was appointed, which presided immediately over the police. This potent body consisted of a schout or baililf, with powers between those BISTORT OF NEW TORE. 93 of the present mayor and sheriff; five bnrgermeesters, who were equivalent to aldermen; and five schepens, who offic- iated as scrubs, subdevils, or bottle holders to the burger- meesters, in the same manner as do assistant aldermen to their principals at the present day, it being their duty to fill the pipes of the lordly bnrgermeesters, hunt the mar- kets for delicacies for corporation dinners, and to discharge such other little offices of kindness as were occasionally required. It was, moreover, tacitly understood, though not specifically enjoined, that they should consider them- selves as butts for the blunt wits of the burgernieesters, and should laugh most heartily at all their jokes ; but this last was a duty as rarely called in action in those days as it is at present, and was shortly remitted in con- sequence of the tragical death of a fat little schepen, who actually died of suffocation in an unsuccessful effort to force a laugh at one of Burgermeester Van Zandt's best jokes. In return for these humble services they were permitted to say yes and no at the council-board, and to have that enviable privilege, the run of the public kitchen, being graciously permitted to eat, and drink, and smoke at all those snug junketings and public gormandizings for which the ancient magistrates were equally famous with their modern successors. The post of schepeii, thei'efore, like that of assistant alderman, was eagerly coveted by all your burghers of a certain description who have a huge relish for good feeding and a humble ambition to be great men in a small way, who thirst after a little brief authority that shall render them the terror of the almshouse and the bridewell, that shall enable them to lord it over obse- quious poverty, vagrant vice, outcast prostitution, and hunger-driven dishonesty, that shall give to their beck a hound-like pack of catchpolls and bumbailiffs — tenfold greater rogues than the culprits they hunt down I My readers will excuse this sudden warmth, which I confess is unbecoming of a grave historian, but I have a mortal antipathy to catchpolls, bumbailiffs, and little great men. The ancient magistrates of this city corresponded with those of the present time no less in form, magnitude, and intellect than in prerogative and privilege. The burgo- masters, like our aldermen, were generally chosen by weight; and not only the weight of the body, but likewise 94 IIISTOR Y OF NE W YORK. the weiglit of tlie liead. It is ii tnaxiin pracLically observed in all honest, phiin-tliinking, regular cities tiiat an akler- man shouKl be fat; and the wisJom of this can be proved to a certainty. That tiie b)]y is in some measure an image of tlie mini], or rather that the nnml is molded to the body like melted lead t ) the clay in whicdi it is cast, has been insisted on by niauy philosophers who have made linman nature tiieir pecidiar stuiy; for as a learned gen- tleman of our own city observes, '*'J'here is a constant rela- tion between the moral ciiaracter of all intelligent creatures and their physical constitution — between their habits and the structure of their bodies." Thus we see that a lean, spare, diminutive body is generally accompanied by a petulant, restless, meddling mind — either the mind wears down the body by its continual motion, or else the body, not affording the mind sullicient house room, kee])s it con- tinually in a state of fietf ulness, tossing, and worrying about from the uneasiness of its situation. Whereas your round, sleek, fat, unwieldy periphery is ever attended by a mind like itself, tranrpiil, torpid, and at ease; and we may always observe that your well-fed, robustious bui-gliers are in general very tenacious of their ease and comfort, being great enemies to noise, discord, and disturbance: and surely none are more likely to study the public tranquility than those who are so careful of their own. Who ever hears of fat men heading a riot or herding together in turbulent mobs? No, no; it is your lean, hungry men who are con- tinually worrying society and setting the whole community by the ears. The divine Plato, whose doctrines are not sufficiently at- tended to by philosophers of the present age, allows to every man three souls — one immortal and rational, seated in the brain, that it may overlook and regulate the body; a second consisting of the surly and irascible passions which, like belligerent poweio, lie encamped around the heart; a third mortal and sensual, destitute of reason, gross and brutal in its propensities, and enchained in the belly, that it may not disturb the divine soul by its ravenous bowlings. Now, according to this excellent theory, what can be more clear than that your fat alderman is most likely to have the most regular and well-conditioned mind? His head is like a huge spherical chamber containing a prodigious mass of soft brains, whereon the rational soul lies softly and snugly BISTORT OF NEW YORK. 95 couched as on a featlier bed; and the eyes, which are the "windows of the bed-chamber, are usually half closed, tliat its slumberings may not be disturbed by external objects. A mind thus comfortably lodged and protected from dis- turbance is manifestly most likely to perform its functions with regularity and ease. By dint of good feeling, more- over, the mortal and malignant soul, which is contined in the l3elly, and which by its raging and roaring puts the irritable soul in tlie neighborhood of the heart in an in- tolerable passion, and thus renders men crusty and quarrel- some when hungry, is completely pacified, silenced, and put to rest; whereupon a host of honest, good-fellow qualities and kind-hearted affections, which had lain perdue, slyly peeping out of the loopholes of the heart, finding tliis Cerberus asleep, do pluck up their spirits, turn out one and all in their holiday suits, and gambol up and down the diaphragm, disposing their possessor to laughter, good humor, and a thousand friendly offices toward his fellow- mortals. As a board of magistr^jtes formed on this principle think but very little, they are the less likely to differ and wrangle about favorite opinions; and as they generally transact business upor. a hearty dinner, they are naturally disposed to be lenient and indulgent in the administration of their duties. Charlemagne was conscious of this, and therefore ordered in his cartularies that no judge should hold a court of justice except in the morning, on an empty stomach — a pitiful rule which I can never forgive, and which I war- rant bore hard upon all the poor culprits in the kingdom. The more enlightened and humane generation of the pres- ent day have taken an (»pposite course, and have so man- aged that the aldermen are the best-fed men in the com- munity, feasting lustily on the fat things of the land, and gorging so heartily on oysters and turtles that in process of time they acquire the activity of the one, and the form, the waddle, and the green fat of the other. The consequence is, as I have just said, these luxurious feastings do produce such a dulcet equanimity and repose of the soul, rational and irrational, that their transactions are proverbial for un- varying monotony; and the profound laws which they enact in their dozing moments, amid the labors of digestion, are quietly suffered to remain as dead letters and never enforced when awake. In a word, your fair, round- bellied burgo- 96 niSTORY OF NEW YORK. lujister. like a full-fed niastilT, dozes (jiiietly iit the lioiiKC- door, always at honie and always at hand to watch over its safety; but as to electing a lean, rueddling candidate to ttie ol!ice, as has flow and then been done, I would as iief put a greyhound to watch the house or a race-horse tc diaw an ox- wagon. The burgomasters, then, as I liave already nienlioned, weie wisely chosen by weight, and the sche[)en6, or assist- ant aldeinieJi, wiMe appointed to attend uj)on them and help theni cat; but the latter in the course of time, wiien they had been fc(l and fattened into sufllcient bulk of body and di owsiness of biain, became very eligible candidates for the burgomasters' chairs, having fairly eaten themselves into oftice, as a mouse eats his way into a comfortable lodgment in a goodly, blue-nosed, skimmed-milk New England cheese. Nothing could e([ual the profound deliberations that took place betwee!! the renownetl Wouter and these his worthy compeers, unless it be the sage divans of some of our mod- ern coiporations. They would sit for hours smoking and dozing over i)ublic affairs, without speaking a word to in- terrupt that })erfect stillness so neccessary to deep reflection. Under the sober sway of Wouter Van Twiller and these his worthy coadjutors the infant settlement waxed vigor- ous apace, gradually emerging from the swamps and for- ests, and exhibiting that mingled appearance of town and country customary in new cities, and which at this day may be witnessed in the city of Washington, that im- mense metropolis which makes so glorious an appearance on paper. It was a pleasing sight in those times to behold the hon- est burglier, like a patriarch of yore, seated on the bench at the door of his whitewashed house under the shade of soms gigantic sycamore or overhanging willow. Here would he smoLe his pipe of a sultry afternoon, enjoying the soft southern breeze, and listening with silent gratula- tion" to the clucking of his hens, the cackling of his geese, and the sonorous grunting of his swine, that combination of farm-yard melody which may truly be said to have a silver sound inasmuch as it conveys a certain assurance of profitable marketing. The modern spectator, who wanders through the streets of this populous city, can scarcely form an idea of the dif- HISTORY OF NEW YORK. 97 fereiit appearance they presented in the primitive clays of the Doubter. The busy hum of multitu^les, the siiouts of revelry, the rumbling equipages of fashion, the rattling of accursed carts, and all the spirit-grieving sounds of brawl- ing coinmerce were unknown in the settlement of New Amsterdam. The grass grew quietly in the liighways; the bleating sheep anil frolicsome calves sported about the verdant ridge where now the Broadway loungers take their morning stroll; the cunning fox or ravenous wolf skulked in tlie woods where now are to be seen the dens of Gomez and his righteous fraternity of money brokers; and flocks of vociferous geese cackled about the fields where now the great Tammany wigwam and the patriotic tavern of Martling echo w^ith the wranglings of the mob. In these good times did a true and enviable equality of rank and property prevail, equally removed from the arro- gance of wealth and the servility and lieart burnings of repining poverty, and, what in my mind is still more conducive to tranquility and harmony among friends, a happy equality of intellect was likewise to be seen. The minds of the good bui-ghers of New Amsterdam seemed all to have been cast in one mold, and to be those honest, blunt minds which, like certain manufactures, are made by the gross and considered as exceedingly good for com- mon use. Thus it happens that your true dull minds are generally preferred for public employ, and especially promoted to city honors, your keen intellects, like razors, being consid- ered too sharp for common service. I know that it is com- mon to rail at the unequal distribution of riches as the great source of jealousies, broils and heart-breakings; whereas, for my part, I verily believe it is the sad inequal- ity of intellect that prevails that embroils communities more than anything else; and I have remarked that your knowing people, who are so much wiser than anybody else, are eternally keeping society in a ferment. Happily for New Amsterdam, nothing of the kind was known within its walls : the very words of learning, education, taste and talents were unheard of; a bright genius was an animal unknown ; and a blue-stocking lady would have been regarded with as much wonder as a horned frog or a fiery dragon. No man, in fact, seemed to know more than his neighbor, nor any man to know more than an 98 HISTORY OF NEW YORK. honest man oiif^lit to know who lias nobody's business to mind but his own ; the j)arKon and the council clerk were the only men that could read in the coniniunity, and the sage \'an 'I^wiHcr always signed his name with a cross. Thrice happy and ever to be envied little burgh I exist- ing in all the security of harmless insignificance, unnot- iced and unenvied by the world, without ambition, without vainglory, without riches^ without learning, and all their train of carking cares ; and, as of yore, in the better days of nnm, the deities were wont to visit him on earth and bless his ruial habitations, so we are told in the sylvan days of New Amsterdam the good St. Nicholas would often make his appearance in iiis beloved city of a holiday afternoon, riding jollily among the tree-to])S or over the roofs of the houses, now and then drawing forth magnificent presents from his breeches i)ockets and diop- })ing them down the chimneys of his favorites; whejeas in these degenerate days of iron and brass he never shows ns the light of his countenance, nor ever visits us, save one night in the year, when he rattles down the chimneys of the descendants of the patriarchs, confining his pres- ents merely to the children in token of the degeneracy of the parents. Such are the comfortable and thriving effects of a fat government. The province of the New Netherlands, desti- tute of wealth, possessed a sweet tranquility that wealth could never purchase. There were neither public commo- tions nor private quarrels ; neither parties nor sects nor schisms ; neither persecutions nor trials nor punishments ; nor were there counseloi-s, attorneys, catchpolls, or hang- men. Every man attended to what little business he was lucky enough to have, or neglected it if he pleased, without asking the opinion of his neighbor. In those days nobody meddled with concerns above his comprehension ; nor thrust his nose into other people's affairs; nor neglected to correct his own conduct and reform his own charac- ter in his zeal to pull to pieces the characters of others ; but, in a word, every respectable citizen ate when he was not hungry, drank when he was not thirsty, and went regu- larly to bed when the sun set and the fowls went to roost, whether he was sleepy or not; all which tended so remark- ably to the population of the settlement that I am told HISTORY OF NEW YORK. 99 every dutiful wife throughout Xew Amsterdam made a point of enriching her husband with at least one chikl a year, and very often a brace — this superabundance of good things clearly constituting the true luxury of life, according to th-e favorite Dutch maxim, that "more than enough constitutes a feast." Everything, therefore went on ex- actly as it should do, and, in the usual words employed by historians to express the welfare of the country, '^the pro- foundest tranquility and repose reigned throughout the province." 100 UISTORY OF NEW YORK. CHAPTER III. HOW THE TOWN OF MKW AMSTKKDAM AROSE OUT OF MUiV. AND CAMi: TO I{K MAKVKLOrSLY I'OLISHKD AND POLITE — TOCiKTHKK WVYW A I'K TLliK OF THK MANNERS OF OUR GREAT-0 REAT-0 It AN DEATH ERS. Manifold jire the tastes and dispositions of the enliglit- ened literati who turn ovor tlie puires of history. Some there bo whose h(!iirts jire brimful of the yeast of courage, and wliose bosoms do work and swell and foam with untried valor, like a barrel of new cider or a train-band captain fresh from under the liands of his tailor. This doughty class of readers can be satisfied with nothing but bljody battles ami horrible encounters; they must be continually storming forts, sacking cities, sj)ringing mines, marching up to the muzzles of cannon, charging bayonet through every page, and leveling in gun})owder and carnage. Others, who are of a less martial but equally ardent im- agination, and, who, withal, are a little given to the mar- velous, will dwell with wondrous satisfaction on desciip- tions of prodigies, unlieard-of-events, hairbreadth escapes, liardy adventures, and all those astonishing narrations which just amble along the boundary-line of possibility. A third class, who, not to speak slightly of them, are of a lighter turn, and skim over the records of past times as they do over the edifying pages of a novel, merely for relaxation and innocent amusement, do singularly delight in treasons, executions, Sabine rapes, Tarquin outrages, conflagrations, murders, and all the other catalogue of hideous crimes, Avhich like cayenne in cookery do give a pungency and flavor to the dull detail of history; while a fourth class, of more pliilosophic habits, do diligently pore over the musty chronicles of time, to investigate the oper- ations of the human kind and watch the gradual changes in men and manners effected by the progress of knowledge, the vicissitudes of events, or the influence of situation. HISTORY OF NEW YORK. 101 If the three first classes find but little wherewithal to solace themselves in the tranquil reign of Wouter Van T wilier, I entreat them to exert their patience for a while, :iud bear witli the tedious picture of happiness, prosperity, and peace which my duty as a faitliful historian obliges me to draw; and I promise them that as soon as I can pos- sibly alight upon anything horrible, uncommon, or impos- sible it shall go hard but I will make it afford them enter- tainment. This being premised, I turn with great com- placency to the fourth class of my readers, who are men, or, if possible, women, after my own heart ; grave, philo- Eophical, and investigating, fond of analyzing cliaracters, of taking a start from the first causes, and so hunting a nation down througli all the mazes of innovation and im- provement. Such will naturally be anxious to witness the first development of the newly-hatched colony and the primitive manners and customs prevalent among its in- habitants during the halcyon reign of Van T wilier or the Doubter. I will not grieve their patience, however, by describing minutely the increase and improvement of New Amster- dam. Their own imaginations will doubtless present to them the good burghers, like so many painstaking and persevering beavers, slowly and surely pursuing their labors; they will behold the prosperous transformation from the rude log hut to the stately Dutch mansion with brick front, glazed windows, and tiled roof ; from the tangled thicket to the luxuriant cabbage-garden ; and from the skulking Indian to the ponderous burgomaster. In a word, they will picture to themselves the steady, silent, and undeviating march of prosperity incident to a city destitute of pride or ambition, cherished by a fat government, and whose citi- zens do nothing in a hurry. The sage council, as lias been mentioned in a preceding chapter, not being able to determine upon any jilan for the building of their city, the cows, in a laudable fit of patri- otism, took it under their peculiar charge, and as they went to and from pasture established paths through the bushes, on each side of which the good folks built their houses ; which is one cause of the rambling and picturesque turns and labyrinths which distinguish certain streets of New York at this very day. The houses of the higher class were generally constructed 102 UISTOUY OF NEW YORK. of wood, excepting tlie gable end, wliicli was of small black and yellow Dutch bricks, and always faced on the street, as our ancestorn, like their descendants, were very much given to outward show, and were noted for putting the best leg foremost. The house was always furnislied with abund- ance of large doors and small windows on every floor, tho date of its erection was curiously designated by iron figures on the front, and on the to}) of the roof was ju'rched a tierce little weathercock, to let the family into the important secret whi(jh way the wind blew. These, like tiie weather- cocks on the tops of our steeples, pointed so numy different ways that every man could have a wind to his mind ; the most stanch and loyal citizens, however, always went ac- cording to the weathercock on the top of the governor's house, which was certainly the most correct, as lie had a trusty servant employed every morning to climb up and set it to the right quarter. In those good days of simplicity and sunshine a passion for cleanliness was the leading princii)le in domestic econ- omy and the universal test of an able housewife — a chnrac- ter which formed the utmost ambition of our unenlight- ened grandmothers. The front door was never opened ex- cept on marriages, funerals, Xew Year's days, the festival of St. Nicholas, or some such great occasion. It was orna- mented with a gorgeous brass knocker, curiously wrought, soMietimes in the device of a dog, and sometimes of a lion's head, and was daily burnished with such religious zeal that it was ofttimes worn out by the very precautions taken for its preservation. The whole house was constantly in a state of inundation under the discipline of mops and brooms and scrubbing brushes ; and the good housewives of those days were a kind of ami)hibious animal, delight- ing exceedingly to be dabbling in water, insomuch that an historian of the day gravely tells us that many of his townswomen g^rew to have webbed fingers like unto a duck ; aud some of them, he had little doubt, could the matter be examined into, would be found to have the tails of mermaids; but this T look upon to be a mere sport of fancy, or, what is worse, a willful misrepresent- ation. The grand parlor was the sanctum-sanctorum where the passion for cleaning was indulged without control. In this sacred apartment no one was permitted to enter ex- HISTOnr OF NEW YORK. 103 cepting the mistress and lier confidential maid, who visited it once a week for the purpose of giving it a thor- ongli cleaning and putting things to rights, always taking the precaution of leaving their shoes at the door and en- tering devoutly in their stocking feet. After scrubbing the floor, sprinkling it with tine white sand, which was curiously stroked into angles, and curves, and rhomboids with a broom — after washing tlie windows, rubbing and polishing tlie furniture, and putting a new bunch of ever- greens in the fireplace — the window shutters were again closed to keep out the flies, and tlie room carefully locked np until the revolution of time brought round the weekly cleaning day. As to the family, they always entered in at the gate, and most generally lived in the kitchen. To have seen a numerous household assembled round the fire one would have imagined that he was transported back to those happy days of primeval simplicity which float before our imaginations like golden visions. The fireplaces were of a truly patriarchal magnitude, where the wdiole famil}^, old and young, master and servant, black and white — nay, even the very cat and dog — enjoyed a community of priv- ilege and had each a right to a corner. Here the old bur- gher would sit in perfect silence, puffing his pipe, looking in the fire with half-shut eyes, and thinking of nothing for hours together; the goede vrouw on the opposite side would employ herself diligently in spinning yarn or knit- ting stockings. The young folks would crowd around the hearth, listening with breathless attention to some old crone of a negro who was the oracle of the family, and who, perched like a raven in a corner of the chimney, would croak forth for a long winter afternoon a string of incredible stories about Xew England witches, grisly ghosts, horses without heads, and hair-breadth escapes and bloody encounters among the Indians. In those happy days a well-regulated family always rose with the dawn, dined at eleven, and went to bed at sunset. Dinner was invariably a private meal, and the fat old burghers show^ed incontestible signs of disapprobation and uneasiness at being surprised by a visit from a neighbor on such occasions. But, though our worthy ancestors were thus singularly adverse to giving dinners, yet they kept up the social 'bands of intimacy by occasional banquetings called tea-parties. 104 lIlSTOnr OF NEW YORK. These fasliioiiiible pjirLies were generally confiiietl to the liiglier classes — or noblesse — that is to say, such as kept their own cows and drove their own wagons. The com- pany commonly assembled at three o'clock and went away about six, unless it was in winter time, when the fashion- able hours were a little earlier, that tlie ladies might get liome before dark. The tea-table was crowned with a huge earthen dish well stored with slices of fat j)ork fried biown, cut up into morsels, and swimming in gravy. The com- l)any, being seated round the genial board and each fur- nislu'd with a fork, evinced their dexterity in launcliiiig at the fattest })ieces in this mighty dish — in much the same manner as sailors har})oon ])orpoises at sea or our Indians 6])car salmon in the lakes. Sometimes the table was gi-aced with immense apple pies or saucers full of j)reserved peaches and pears; but it was always sure to boast an enormous dish of balls of sweetened dough, fried in hog's fat, and called doughnuts, or olykoeks — a delicious kind of cake at ])iesent s(;arce kiiown in this city, exce])t in gen- nine Dutch families. The tea uas served out of a majestic delft teapot orna- mented with paintings of fat little Dutch 8he])herds and 6hei)herdesses tending pigs, with boats sailing in the air, and houses built in the clouds, and sundry other ingenious Dutch fantasies. The beaux distinguished themselves by their adroitness in replenishing this pot from a iiuge cop- per tea-kettle which would liave made the pigmy maca- ronies of these degenerate days sweot merely to look at it. To sweeten tlie beverage a lump of sugar was laid beside each cup, and the company alternately nibbled and si})ped with great decorum, until an im2)rovement was introduced by a shrewd and ecomonic old lady, which was to suspend a large lump directly over the tea-table by a string from the ceiling, so that it could be swung from mouth to mouth — an inr;enious expedient which is still kept up by some families in Albany, but which prevails without ex- ception in Communipaw, Bergen, Flatbush, and all our uncontaminated Dutch villages. At these primitive tea-parties the utmost propriety and dignity of deportment prevailed. Xo flirting nor coquetting; no gambling of old ladies nor hoyden chattering and romp- ing of young ones; no self-satistied struttiugs of wealthy gentlemen with their brains in their pockets; nor amusing EISTOnr OF NEW YORK. 105 conceits and monkey divertisemeuts of smart young gentle- men with no brains at all. On the contrary, tiie young ladies seated themselves demurely in their rush-buttomed chairs and knit their own woollen stockings, nor ever opened their lips excepting to say VaJi, Mynheer, or Yah ya, Vrouw, to any question tliat was asked them, behaving in all things like decent, well-educated damsels. As to the gentlemen, each of them tranquilly smoked his pipe and seemed lost in comtemplation of the blue and white tiles wi.h which the fireplaces were decorated, whereon sundry passages of Scriptures were piously portrayed: Tobit and his dog figured to great ad vantage: Hainan swung conspic- uously on his gibbet; and Jonah appeared most manfully bouncing out of the whale, like Harlequin through a barrel of fire. The parties broke np without noise and without confu- sion. Tiiey were carried home by their own carriages — that is to say, by the vehicles Nature had provided them — excepting such of the wealthy as could afford to keep a wagon. The gentlemen gallantly attended their fair ones to their respective abodes, and took leave of them with a liearty smack at the door, wiiich as it was an established piece of etiquette, done in perfect simplicity and honesty of heart, occasioned no scandal at that time, nor should it at the present: if our great-grandfathers approved of the cus- tom, it would argue a great want of reverence in their de- scendants to say a word against it. 106 HIlSTOIiY OF NEW TURK. CHAPTER IV. CONTAININf} FURTlIKk PA IH I ( T LA liS OF THE GOLDEN' A(}E, AND WHAT CONSTITUTED A FINE LADY AND GEN- TLEMAN IN THE DAYS OF WALTER THE D0UI5TEK. In tliis dulcet period of my liistory, when tlie beauteous island of Mauna-liata presented a scene tlie very counter- part of those glowing pictures drawn of tiie golden reign of Saturn, there was, as I have before observed, a happy ignorance, an honest simplicity, prevalent among its inhab- itants, which, were I even able to depict, would be but little understood by the degenerate age for which I am doomed to write. Even the female sex, those arch innovatcrs upon the tranquillity, the honesty, and gray-beard customs of society, seemed for a while to conduct themselves with in- credible sobriety and comeliness. Tlieir hair, untortured by the abominations of art, was scrupulously pomatumed back from their foreheads with a candle, and covered with a little cap of quilted calico which fitted exactly to their heads. Their petticoats of linsey- woolsey were striped with a variety of goi'geous dyes, though I must confess these gallant garments wei'e rather short, scarce reaching below the knee; but then they made up in the number, which generally equalled that of the gentlemen's small-clothes; and, what is still more praise- worthy, they were all of their own manufacture, of which circumstance, as may well be supposed, they were not a little vain. These were the honest days in which every woman stayed at home, read the Bible, and wore pockets — ay, and that too of a goodly size, fashioned with patchwork into many curious devices and ostentatiously worn on the outside. These, in fact, were convenient receptacles where all good housewives carefully stored away such things as they wished to have at hand, by which means they often came to be HISTORY OF NEW YORK. 107 incredibly crammed; and I remember there was a story cur- rent when I was a boy that the lady of Wonter Van Twil- ler once had occasion to empty her right pocket in search of a wooden ladle^ when tlie contents filled a couple of corn baskets, and the utensil was discovered lying among some rubbish in one corner. But we must not give too much faith to all these stories, the anecdotes of those remote periods being very subject to exaggeration. Besides these notable pockets, tliey likewise wore scissors and pincushions suspended from their girdles by red rib- bons, or among the more opulent and showy classes by brass, and even silver, chains— indubitable tokens of thrifty housewives and industrious spinsters. I cannot say much in vindication of the shortness of the petticoats: it doubt- less was introduced for the purpose of giving the stockings a chance to be seen, which were generally of blue worsted with magnificent red clocks, or perhaps to display a well- turned ankle and a neat, though serviceable foot, set off by a high-heeled leathern shoe with a large and splendid silver buckle. Thus we find that the gentle sex in all ages have shown the same disposition to infringe a little upon the laws of decorum in order to betray a lurking beauty or gratify an innocent love of finery. From the bketch here given it will be seen that our good grandmothers differed considerably in their ideas of a fine figure from their scantily dressed descendants of the pres- ent day. A fine lady in those times waddled under more clothes, even on a fair summer's day, than would have clad the whole bevy of a modern ball-room. Nor were they the less admired by the gentlemen in consequence thereof. On the contrary, the greatness of a lover's passion seemed to increase in proportion to the magnitude of its object, and a voluminous damsel, arrayed in a dozen of petticoats, was declared by a Low Dutch sonneteer of the province to be radiant as a sunflower and luxuriant as a full-blown cab- bage. Certain it is that in those days the heart of a lover could not contain more than one lady at a time ; whereas the heart of a modern gallant has often room enough to accommodate half a dozen. The reason of which I conclude to be, that either the hearts of the gen- tlemen have grown larger or the persons of the ladies smaller ; this, however, is a question for physiologists to determine. ' 108 EISTOUY OF N FAY YORK. But there was a secret cl)arni in these petticoats wliich 110 doubt entered into the consideration of tlie prudent galhints. The wardrobe of a hidy was in those days her only fortune, and she wlio had a good stock of petticoats and stockings was as absohitely an heiress as is a Kani- sciiatka (hunsel with a store of bear skins or a Lapland belle with a plenty of reindeer. The ladies, therefore, were very anxious to dis])lay these powerful attractions to the greatest advantage; and the best rooms in the house, instead of being adorned with caiicatures of Dame Nature in water colors and needlework, were always hung round with abundiince of homes})un garments, the manufacture and the })ropei"ty of the females — apiece of laudable o.sten- tation that still prevails among the heiresses of ourDutcli villages. The gentlemen, in fact, who figured in the circles of the gay world in these ancient times corresi)onded, in most l)articulars, with tlie beauteous damsels whose smiles they were ambitious to deserve. True it is their merits would make but a very inconsiderable impression uj)on the henrt of a modern fair : they neither drove their curricles nor sported their tandems, for as yet those gaudy vehicles were not even dreamt of, neither did they distinguish them- selves by their brilliancy at the table, and their consequent renconters with watchmen, for our forefathers were of too pacific a disposition to need those guardians of the night, every soul throughout the town being sound asleep before nine o'clock. Neither did they establish their claims to gentility at the expense of their tailors, for as yet those offenders against the pockets of society and the tran- quility of all aspiring young gentlemen were unknown in New Amsterdam ; every good housewife made the clothes of her husband and family, and even the goede vrouw of A^an Twiller himself thought it no disparagement to cut out her husband's linsey woolsey galligaskins. Not but what there were some two or three youngsters who manifested the first dawning of what is called fire and spirit, who held all labor in contempt, skulked about docks and market-places, loitered in the sunshine, squandered what little money they could procure at hustie-cap and chuck-farthing, swore, boxed, fought cocks, and raced their neighbors^ horses; in short, who promised to be the wonder, the talk, and abomination of the town, had not HISTORY OF NEW YORK. 109 their stylish career been unfortunately cut short by an affair of honor witli a whipping-post. Far other, however, was the truly fashionable gentle- man of those days. His dress, whicli served for both morning and evening, street and drawing-room, was a linsey-woolsey coat, made, perhaps, by the fair hands of the mistress of his affections, and gallantly bedecked with abundance of large brass buttons ; half a score of breeches heightened the proportions of his figure ; his shoes were decorated by enormous copper buckles; a low-crowned, broad-brimmed hat overshadowed his burly visage; and his hair dangled down his back in a prodigious queue of eelskin. Thus equipped, he would manfully sally forth with pipe in mouth to besiege some fair damsel's obdurate heart — not such a pipe, good reader, as that which Acis did sweetly tune in praise of his Galatea, but one of true Delft manufacture and furnished with a charge of fra- grant tobacco. With this would he resolutely set himself down before the fortress, and rarely failed, in the process of time, to smoke the fair enemy into a surrender upon honorable terms. Such was the happy reign of Wouter Van Twiller^ cele- brated in myiiy a long-forgotten song as the real golden age, the rest being nothing but counterfeit copper- washed coin. In that delightful i)eriod a sweet and holy calm reigned over the whole province. The burgomaster smoked his pipe in peace; the substantial solace of his domestic cares, after her daily toils were done, sat soberly at the door, with her arms crossed over her apron of snowy white, without being insulted by ribald street- walkers or vagabond boys — those unlucky urchins who do so infest our streets, displaying under the roses of youth the thorns and briers of iniquity. Then it was that the lover with ten breeches and the damsel with petticoats of half a score indulged in all the ijinocent endeai-meiits of virtuous love without fear and without reproach; for what had that vii-tue to fear which was defended by a shield of good linsey-woolseys equal at least to the seven bull-hides of the invincible Ajax. Ah, blissful and never-to-be-forgotten age I when every- thing was better than it has ever been since or ever will be again — when Buttermilk Channel was quite dry at low water 110 UISTOIIY OF NEW YORK. — wlien tlie sliiid in tlie IJiulson were Jill salmon, and when the moon slione with a pure and resplendent whiteness, in- stead of that melancholy yellow light which is the conse- quence of her sickening at the abominations she every niglit witnesses in this degenerate city I llai)py would it have been for Xew Amsterdam could it always have existed in this state of blissful ignorance and luwly simplicity; but, alasi the days of childhood are too sweet to last! Cities, like men, grow out of them in time, and are doomed alike to grow into the bustle, the cares, and miseries of the world. Let no man congratulate himself, when he beholds the child of his bosom or the city of his birth increasing in mag!iitude and importance: let the his- tory of his own life teach him the dangers of the one, and this excellent little history of Manua-hata couviuce him of the calamities of the other. HISTORY OF NEW YORK. Ill CHAPTER V. OF THE FOUXDING OF FORT AURAXIA — OF THE MYSTERIES OF THE HUDSON — OF THE ARRIVAL OF THE PATROOX KILLIAX VAX REXSELLAER; HIS LORDLY DESCEXT UPOX THE EARTH, AXD HIS IXTRODUCTIOX OF CLUB-LAW. It has already been mentioned that in the early times of Oloffe the Dreamer a frontier post, or trading-house, called Fort Aurania, had been established on the upper waters of the Hudson, precisely on the site of the present venerable city of Albany, which was at that time considered at the very end of the habitable world. It was, indeed, a remote possession, with which for a long time Xew Amsterdam held but little intercourse. Xow and then the * 'Company's Yacht,'' as it was called, was sent to the fort with supplies, and to bring i«,way the peltries which had been purchased of the Indians. It was like an expedition to the Indias or the North Pole, and always made great talk in the settle- ment. Sometimes an adventurous burgher would accom- pany the expedition, to the great uneasiness of his friends, but on his return had so many stories to tell of storms and tempests on the Tappaan Zee, of hobgoblins in the High- lands and at the Devil's Dans Kammer, and of all the other Avonders and perils with which the river abounded in those early days, that he deterred the less adventurous inhabit- ants from following his example. Matters were in this state when, one day, as Walter the Doubter and his burgermeesters were smoking and pon- dering over the affairs of the province, they were roused by the report of a cannon. Sallying forth, they beheld a strange vessel at anchor in the bay. It was unquestion- ably of Dutch build, broad-bottomed and high-pooped, and bore the flag of their High Mightinesses at the mast- head. After a while a boat put off for land, and a stranger m HISTORY OF NKW YORK. stepped on sliore — a lofty, lordly kind of man, tall and dry, witli a meager face, furnished with liuge mustaches, lie was clad in Flemish douhlet and hose, and an insulTer- ably tall hat with a cocktail feather. Such was tlie ])atroon Killian Van Uenselhier, who had come out from Holland to found a colony or j)atroonKhi]< on a <,neat tract of wild land f^ranted to him by tlicir High Mightinesses the Lords States General in the u])})er regions of the Hudson. Killian \'an Rensellaer was a nine days' wonder in New Amsterdam, foi' he carried a high head, looked down upon the })ortly, short-legged burgomasteis, and owned 110 allegiance to the governor himself, boasting that he held his patroonship directly from the Lords States (Jeneral. He tarried but a short time in New Amsterdam, merely to beat up recruits for his colony. Few, however, ven- tured to enlist for those remote and savage regions, ami when they embarked their friends took leave of them as if thev should never see them more, and stood ^azint; wi.h tearful eyes as the stout, round-sterned little vessel i)lowed and splashed its way up the Hudson with great noise and little progress, taking nearly a day to get out of sight of the city. And now, from time to time, floated down tidings to the Mauhattoes of the growing importance of this new colony. Every account repi-esented Killian Van Rensellaer as rising in importance and becoming a mighty patroon in the land. He had received more recruits from Holland. His patroonship of Kensellaerwick lay immediately below Fort Aurania, and extended for several miles on each side of the Hudson, besides embi'acing the mountainous region of the Helderberg. Over all this he claimed to hold separate jurisdiction independent of the colonial authorities at New Amsterdam. All these asj^umptions of authority were duly reported to Governor Van Twiller and his council by dispatches from Fort Aurania ; at each new report the governor and his counselors looked at each other, raised their eyebrows, gave an extra puff or two of smoke, and then relapsed into their usual tranquillity. At length tidings catne that the patroon of Rensellaer- wick had extended his usurpations along the river beyond BISTORT OF NEW YORK. 113 the limits granted him by their High Mightinesses, and that he had even seized upon a rocky island in the Hudson commonly known by the name of Bearn or Bear's Island, where he was erecting a fortress to be called by the lordly name of Rensellaerstein. Wouter Van Twiller was roused by this intelligence. After consulting with his burgomasters, he dispatched a letter to the patroon of Rensellaerwick, demanding by what right he had seized upon this island, wliich lay be- yond the bounds of his patroonship. The answer of Kil- lian Van Rensellaer was in his own lordly style: "By wa- 2)6)1 recht! that is to say, by the right of arms, or, in com- mon parlance, by club-law. This answer plunged the worthy Wouter in one of the deepest doubts he had in the whole course of his administration ; in the mean time, while Wouter doubted, tiie lordly Killian went on to finish his fortress of Rensellaerstein, about which I foresee I shall have something to record in a future chapter of this most eventful history. lU UISTOUY OF JSEW YORK CHAPTER VI. IX WHICH THK HI-ADKK IS liKnUILED INTO A DELECTABLE WALK, WHICH ENDS VERY DIFFEUENTLY FROM WHAT IT COMMENCED. In tlie year of our Lord one thousand eight liundred and four, on u fine afternoon in the glowing mouth of Soj)teinber, 1 took my customary walk upon the I^attury, wiiich is at once the i)ride and bulwark of tiiis jincientand im[)regiuiljlc city of >iew York. The ground on wiiich I trod was hal- lowed by recollections of the past, and as I slowly wan'iiled his evening salutation upon a city which he delights to visit with his most bounteous beams; the very winds seemed to hold in their breaths in mute at- tention, less they should ruffle the tranquillity of the hour; and the waveless bosom of the bay presented a polished mirror, in which Nature beheld herself and smiled. The standard of our city, reserved like a choice handkerchief for days of gala, iiung motionless on the flagstaff which forms the handle of a gigantic churn ; and even the tremu- lous leaves of the poplar and the aspen ceased to vibrate to the breath of heaven. Everything seemed to acquiesce in the profound repose of Nature. The formidable eighteen- pounders slept in the embrasures of the wooden batteries, seemingly gathering fresh strength to fight the battles of their country on the next Fourth of July; the solitary drum on Governor's Island forgot to call the garrison to their shovelsj the evening gun had not yet sounded its sig- nal for all the regular well-meaning poultry throughout the country to go to roost; and the fleet of canoes at anchor between Gibbet Island and Gommunipaw slumbered on 110 HISTORY OF NEW YORK. tlieir rakes and sufTered tlie innocent oysters to lie for a while unmolested in the soft mud of their native banks. My own feelings sympathized with the contagious tran- quillity, and 1 should infallibly have dozed upon one of those fragments of benches which our benevolent magis- trates have i)i'ovided for the benefit of convahiscent loungers had not the extraordinary inconvenience of the couch set all re})ose at defiance. In the midst of this slumber of the soul my attention was attracted to a black speck peering above the western horizon, just in the rear of lU'rgen steeple; gradually it augments and overhangs the would-be cities of Jersey, llarsimus, aiul Hobokwn, which like three jockeys, are starting on the course of existence and jostling each other at the commencement of the race. Now it skirts the long shore of ancient Pavonia, spreading its wide shadows from the high settlements of Weehawk quite to the laza- retto and quarantine, erected by the sagacity of our police for the eml)arrassment of commerce; now it climbs the serene vault of heaven, cloud rolling over cloud, shi'O'iding the oi'b of day, darkening the vast expanse, and bearing thunder and hail and tempest in its bosom. The earth seems agitated at the confusion of the heavens; the late waveless mirror is lashed into furious waves that roll in hollow murmurs to the shore; the oyster-boats that erst sported in the placid vicinity of Gibbet Island now hurry atfrighted to the land; the poplar writhes and twists and whistles iii the blast; torrents of drenching rain and sound- ing hail deluge the Battery walks; the gates are thronged by apprentices, servant-maids, and little Frenchmen with pocket handkerchiefs over their hats, scampering from the storm; the late beauteous pros})ect presents one scene of anarchy and wild uproar, as tliougliold Chaos had resumed his reign and was hurling back into one vast turmoil the conflicting elements of Xature. Whether I fled from the fury of the storm or remained boldly at my post, as our gallant train-baud captains, who march their soldiers through the rain without flinching, are points which I leave to the conjecture of the reader. It is possible he may be a little perplexed also to know the reason w^hy I introduced this tremendous tempest to disturb the serenity of my work. On this latter point I will grat- uitously instruct his ignorance. The panorama view of BISTOUY OF NEW YORK. ill tlie Battery was given merely to gratify the reader with a correct description of that celebrated place and the parts adjacent; secondly, the storm was played off partly to give a little bustle and life to this tranquil part of my work, and to keep my drowsy readers from falling asleep, and partly to serve as an overture to the tempestuous times which are abont to assail tlie pacific province of Nieuw Nederlandts, and which overhang the shimbrous adminis- tration of the renowned Wouter Van T wilier. It is thus the experienced playwright puts all the fiddles, the French horns the kettle-drums, and trumpets of his orchestra in requisition to usher in one of those horrible and brimstone uproars called melodramas, and it is thus he discharges his thunder, his lightning, his rosin, and saltpeter preparatory to the rising of a ghost or the murdering of a hero. We will now proceed with our history. AVhatever may be advanced by pliilosophers to the con- trary, I am of opinion that as to nations the old maxim, that ^^Honesty is the best policy,^'' is a sheer and ruinous mistake. It might have ansAvered well enough in the hon- est times when it was made; but in these degenerate days, if a nation pretends to rely merely upon the justice of its dealings, it will fare something like the honest man who fell among thieves and found his honesty a poor protection against bad company. Such, at least, was the case with the guileless government of the New Netherlands,which, like a worthy unsuspicious old burgher, quietly settled itself down in the city of New Amsterdam as into a snug elbow- chair, and fell into a comfortable nap, while in the mean time its cunning neighbors stepped in and picked its pockets. In a word, we may ascribe the commencement of all the woes of this great province and its magnificent metropolis to the tranquil security — or, to speak more accurately, to the unfortunate honesty — of its government. But as I dislike to begin an important part of my history toward the end of a chapter, and as my readers, like my- self, must doubtless be exceedingly fatigued with the long walk we have taken and the tempest we have sustained, I hold it meet we shut up the book, smoke a pipe, and, having thus refreshed our spirits, take a fair start in a new chapter. < 118 HISTORY OF NEW YORK. CHAPTER VII. FAITHFULLY DESCHIHINCi TlIK 1 N(; KN lOL'.S PKOI'LK OF CON- NECTICUT AND THKKKABOUTS— SHOWING, MOKEOVKH, THE TRUE MEANING OF LIBERTY OF CONSIENCE, AND A CURIOUS DEVICE AMONG THESE STURDY BARBARIANS TO KEEP UP A HARMONY OF INTEIiCOURSE AND I'RO- MOTE POPULATION. That my re.adors may tlic more fully comprehend the extent of tlie calamity ut this very moment impending over the honest, unsuspecting province of Xieuw Nederlandts and its dubious governer, it is necessary that I should give some account of a horde of strange barbarians bordering npon the eastern frontier. Now, so it came to pass that many years previous to the time of which we are treating the sage Cabinet of England had adopted a certain national creed, a kind of public walk of faith, or rather a religious turnpike, in which every loyal subject was directed to travel to Zion, taking care to pay the toU-gatlierers by the way. Albeit a certain shrewd race of men, being very much given to indulge their own opinions on all manner of sub- jects (a propensity exceedingly offensive to your free gov- ernments of Europe), did most presumptuously dare to think for themselves in matters of religion, exercising what they considered a natural and unextinguishable right — the liberty of consience. As, however they possessed that ingenuous habit of mind which always thinks aloud, which rides cook-a-hoop on the tongue, and is forever galloping into other people's ears, it naturally followed that their liberty of consience likewise implied liberty of speech, which, being freely indulged, soon put the country in a hubbub and aroused the pious indignation of the vigilant fathers of the Church. BISTORT OF NEW YOUK. 119 The usual methods were adopted to reclaim them which in those days were considered efficacious in bringing back stray sheep to the fold ; that is to say, they were coaxed, they were admonished, they were menaced, they were buf- feted : line upon line, precept upon precept, lash upon lash, here a little and there a great deal, were exhausted without mercy and without success, until the worthy pas- tors of the Church, wearied out by their unparalleled stub- bornness, were driven in the excess of their tender mercy to adopt the Scripture text and literally to ^'heap live em- bers on their heads/' Nothing, however, could subdue that independence of the tongue which has ever distinguished tliis singuUir race, so that, rather than subject that heroic member to further tyranny, they one and all embarked for the wilderness of America, to enjoy unmolested the inestimable right of talking. And, in fact, no sooner did they land upon the shore of this free-spoken country than they all lifted up their voices and nuule such a clamor of tongues that we are told they frightened every bird and beast out of the neighborhood, and struck such mute ter- ror into certain fish that they have been called chimh-fisli ever since. This may ,appear marvelous, but it is, nevertheless, true, in proof of which I would observe tliat the dumb-fish has ever since become an object of superstitious reverence and forms tiie Saturday's dinner of every true Yankee. The simple aborigines of the land for a while contem- plated these strange folk in utter astonishment, but dis- covering that they wielded harmless though noisy w^eapons, and were a lively, ingenious, good-liumored race of men, they became very friendly and sociable, and gave them the name of Yanol'ies, which in the Mais-Tchusaeg (or Massa- chusett) language signifies silent men — a waggish appella- tion since shortened into the familiar epithet of Yankees, which they retain unto the present day. True it is— and my fidelity as a historian will not allow me to pass over the fact — that, having served a regular apprenticeship in the school of persecution, these ingen- ious people soon showed that they had become masters of the art. The great majority were of one particular mode of thinking in matters of religion ; but to their great sur- prise and indignation they found that divers papists, 120 niSTOlir OF NK]V YOltK. qiiiikers, and aiialjjiptiats were sprin(^ing up among IIktii, and all claiming to uso the liberty of speecli. This was at once pronounced a daring abuse of the liberty of con- science, which they now insisted was uothing more than the liberty to think as one pleased in matters of religion — provided one thought right; for otherwise it would be giv- ing a latitude to damnable heresies. Xow% as they, the majority, were convinced that they alone thought right, it conse^piently followed that whoever thought dilTerent from them tiioughi wrong ; and whoever tlioiight wrong and oljstinately persisted in not being convinced and con- verted, was a flagrant violator of the inestimable liberty of conscience, and a corrupt and infectious member of the body politic, and deserved to be lopped off and cast into the lire. The consequence of all which was a fiery perse- cution of divers sects, and especially of quakers. Now, rU warrant there are hosts of my readers ready at once to lift \\\) their haiuis and eyes with that virtuous in- dignation with which we contemplate the faults and errors of our neighbors, and to exclaim at the j)reposterous idea of convincing the mind by tormenting the body and estab- lishing the doctrine of charity and forbearance by intoler- ant persecution. lUit, in sim])le truth, w hat are we doing at tliis very day and in this very enlightened nation but acting upon the very same principle in our political con- troversies? Have we not within but a few years released ourselves from the shackles of a government which cruelly denied us the privilege of governing ourselves and using in full latitude that invaluable member, the tongue ? and are we not at this very moment striving our best to tyi-an- nize over the opinions, tie up the tongues, and ruin the fortunes of on.e another? AVhat are our great political so- cieties but mere political inquisitions — our pot-house com- mittees but little tribunals of denunciation — our news- papers but mere whipping - posts and pillories where unfortunate inaividuals are pelted with rotten eggs — and our council of appointment but a grand cnito da ft, where culprits are annually sacrificed for their political heresies ? Where, then, is the difference in principle between our measures and those you are so ready to condemn among the people I am treating of? There is none; the diffei- euce is merely circumstantial. Thus we denounce instead of mSTORY OF NEW tORK. 121 banishing — we Uhel, instead of scourging — we turn out of office, instead of hanging — and where they burnt an of- fender in proper person, we either tar and feather or hum liim in effigy, this political persecution being, somehow or other, the grand palladium of our liberties and an incon- trovertible proof that this is a free country! But notwithstanding the fervent zeal with which this holy war was prosecuted against tlie whole race of unbe- lievers, we do not find that the population of this new col- ony was in any wise hindered thereby; on the contrary, they multiplied to a degree which would be incredible to any man unacquainted with the marvelous fecundity of this growing country. This amazing increase may indeed be partly ascribed to a singular custom prevalent among them, commonly known by the name of bundling — a superstitious rite ob- served by the young people of both sexes, with which they usually terminated tiieir festivities, and which was kept up with religious strictness by the more bigoted part of the community. This ceremony was likewise, in those primitive times, considered as an indispensable preliminary to matri- mony, their courtships commencing where ours usually fin- ish, by which means they acquired that intimate acquaint- ance with each other's good qualities before marriage which has been pronounced by philosophers tlie sure basis of a happy union. Thus early did this cunning and in- genious people display a shrewdness of making a bargain which has ever since distinguished them, and a strict ad- herence to the good old vulgar maxim about buying a pig in a poke." To this sagacious custom, therefore, do I chiefly attri- bute the unparalleled increase of the Yanokie or Yankee race; for it is a certain fact, well authenticated by court records and parish registers, that wherever the practice of bundling prevailed there was an amazing number of sturdy brats annually born unto the state without the license of the law or the benefit of clergy. Neither did the irregularity of their birth operate in the least to their disparagement. On the contrary, they grew up a long-sided, raw-boned, hardy race of whoreson whalers, woodcutters, fishermen, and peddlers, and strapping corn-fed wenches, who by their united efforts tended marvelously tow^ard peopling those notable tracts of country called Nantucket, Piscata- way, and Cape Cod. 122 Hm VliY OF NEW YORK. VWW'VVM now TIIKSK SIN(JLLAU 15 A It IJ A U I A N S TrUNKI) OIT TO HK NOTOUIOLS S(^rATTKI{8 — HOW TIIKY JJLILT A I U-CASTLKS AND ATTKMITKI) TO IMTIATKTIIK NKDKltl.A \ DKKS INTO Tin: MYSTKIiY OF l{rNI)LIN(i. In the last chupter I have pjiven a faitlifnl and unpreju- diced account of the ori<^in of that 8in<(uhir i-ace of i)eople inhabiting the country eastward of tiie Nieuw Xederlandts; but 1 liave yet to mention certain peculiar liabits which reiulered them exc(^edingly annoying to our ever-honored Dutch ancestors. 'J'lie most prominent of these was a certain rambling pro pensity with wliich, like the sons of Ishmael, they seem to have been gifted by Heaven, and wliich continually goads them on to shift their residence from place to place, so that a Yankee farmer is in a constant state of migration, tarry- ing occasionally here atid there, clearing lands for other people to enjoy, building houses for others to inhabit, and in a manner may be considered the wandering Arab of America. His first thought on coming to the years of manhood is to settle himself in the world, which means nothing more nor less than to begin his rambles. To this end he takes unto himself for a wife some buxom country heiress, pass- ing rich in red ribbons, glass beads, and mock tortoise-shell combs, with a white gown and morocco shoes for Sunday, and deeply skilled in the mystery of making apple sweet- meats, long sauce, and pumpkin pie. Having thus provided himself, like a peddler, with a heavy knapsack wherewith to regale his shoulders through the journey of life, he literally sets out on the peregrin- ation. His whole family, household furniture, and farming utensils are hoisted into a covered cart; his own and his wife's wardrobe packed up in a firkin, which done, he shoulders HISTORY OF NEW YORK. 123 his ax, takes staff in hand, whistles ^' Yankee Doodle," and trudges off to the woods, as confident of the protection of Providence and relying as cheerfully upon his ow n re- sources as did ever a patriarch of yore when he journeyed into a strange country of the Gentiles. Having buried himself in the wilderness, he builds himself a log hut, clears away a cornfield and potato-patch, and. Providence smiling upon his labors, is soon surrounded by a snug farm and some half a score of flaxen-headed urchins, who by their size seem to have sprung all at once out of the earth, like a crop of toadstools. But it is not the nature of this most indefatigable of speculators to rest contented with any state of sublunary enjoyment: improvement is his darling passion, and liaving thus improved his lands, the next care is to provide a man- sion worthy the residence of a landholder. A huge palace of pine boards immediately springs up in the midst of tlie wilderness, large enough for a parish cliurch, and furnished with windows of all dimensions, but so rickety and flimsy witlial that every bhist gives it a fit of the ague. By the time the outside of this mighty air-castle is com- pleted either the funds or tlie zeal of our adventurer are exhausted, so that he barely manages to half finish one room within, where the whole family burrow together, while the rest of the house is devoted to the curing of pumpkins or storing of carrots and potatoes, and is decorated with fanciful festoons of dried apples and peaches. The out- side, remaining unpainted, grows venerably black with time, the family wardrobe is laid under contribution for old hats, petticoats, and breeches to stuff into the broken windows, while the four winds of heaven keep up a whistling and howling about this aerial palace and play as many unruly gambols as they did of yore in the cave of old ^olus. The humble log hut, w-hich whilom nestled this improv- ing family snugly within its narrow but comfortable walls, stands hard by in ignominious contrast, degraded into a cow-house or pig sty; and the whole scene reminds one forcibly of a fable, which I am surprised has never been recorded, of an aspiring snail who abandoned his humble habitation, which he had long filled with great respecta- bility, to crawl into the empty shell of a lobster, where he would no dqubt have resided with great style and splendor. lU niSTOllY OF NEW YORK, tlie envy and tlio liate of all the paitistuking snails in the neighborhood, had he not perished witli cold in one corner of his stupendous mansion. Being thus completely settled, and, to use his own words, to rights/' one would imagine that he would begin to enjoy tlie (comforts of his situation, to read newspapers, talk jiolitics, neglect his own business, and attend to the affairs of the nali(jn, like a useful and patriotic; citizen ; but now it is that his wayward disposition begins again to operate, lie soon grows tired of a sjKjt wheie there is n<^ longer any room for improvement — sells his farm, air-cas- tle, petticoat windows and all, reloads his cart, shoulders his ax, puts himself at the head of his family, and wan- ders away in search of new lands — again to fell trees, again to clear cornfields, again to build a shingle palace, and again to sell oil and wander. Such were the people of Connecticut who bordered upon the eastern frontier of New Nethei-hinds, and my readers may easily imagine what uncomfortable neighbors this light-hearted but restless tribe must have been to our trancjuil progenitors. If they cannot, I would ask them if they have ever known one of our regular, well-organ- ized Dutch families whom it hath pleased Heaven to aillict with the neigliboi'hood of a French boarding-house ? The honest old burgher cannot take his afternoon's j)ipe on the bench before his door but he is persecuted with the scraping of fiddles, the chattering of women, and the squalling of children ; he cannot sleep at night for the horrible melodies of some amateur who chooses to sere- nade the moon and display his terrible proficiency in exe- cution on the clarionet, hautboy, or some other soft-toned instrument; nor can he leave the street door open but his house is defiled by the unsavory visits of a troop of pup dogs, who even sometimes carry their loathsome ravages into the sanctum-sanctorum, the parlorl If my readers have ever witnessed the sufferings of such a family, so situated, they may form some idea how our worthy ancestors were distressed by their mercurial neigh- bors of Connecticut. Gangs of these marauders, we are told, penetrated into the New Netherland settlements, and threw whole villages into consternation by their unparalleled volubility and their intolerable inquisitiveness — two evil habits hitherto unknown in those parts or only known to be abhorred ; HISTORY OF NEW YORK. 125 for our ancestors were noted as being men of truly Spartan taciturnity, and who neither knew nor cared aught about anybody's concerns but their own. Many enormities were committed on the highways, where several unoffending burghers were brouglit to a stand and tortured with ques- tions and guesses, which outrages occasioned as much vex- ation and lieartburning as does the modern right of search on the high seas. Great jealousy did they likewise stir up by their inter- meddling and success among the divine sex ; for, being a race of brisk, likely, pleasant-tongued varlets, they soon seduced the light alfections of the simple damsels from their ponderous Dutch gallants. Among other hideous customs, they attempted to introduce among them that of huncllingy which the Dutch lasses of the Nederlandts, with that eager passion for novelty and foreign fashions natural to their sex, seemed very well inclined to follow, but that their mothers, being more experienced in the world and better acquainted with men and things, strenuously dis- countenanced all such outlandish innovations. But what chiefly operated to embroil our ancestors with these strange folk was an unwarrantable liberty which they occasionally took of entering in hordes into the terri- tories of the New Netherlands, and settling themselves down, without leave or license, to improve the land in the manner I have before noticed. This unceremonious mode of taking possession of neiu land was technically termed squatting, and hence is derived the appellation of squatters — a name odious in the ears of all great landholders, and which is given to those enterprising worthies who seize upon land first, and take their chance to make good their title to it afterward. All these grievances, and many others which were con- stantly accumulating, tended to form that dark and por- tentous cloud which, as I observed in a former chapter, was slowly gathering over the tranquil province of New Netherlands. The pacific cabinet of Van Twiller, how- ever, as will be perceived in the sequel, bore them all with a magnanimity that redounds to their immortal credit, be- coming by passive endurance inured to this increasing mass of wrongs ; like that mighty man of old who, by dint of carrying about a calf from the time it was born, continued' to carry it without difficulty when it had grown to be an ox. HI8WRY OF NEW YORK. CHAPTER IX. HOW THE FOKT fiOKI) JIUOP WAS FEAKFl'LLY HELEAG- UEREI) — HOW THE KENOWNEI) WOLTER FELL INTO A PKOFOLNl) DOL'BT, AND HOW HE FINALLY EVAFOUATEI). By tliis time my renders must fully perceive what an arduous task 1 liave undertaken, exploring a little kind of llerculaneurn of history which had lain nearly for ages buried under the rubbish of years, and almost totally for- gotten; raking up the liuibs and fragments of disjointed facts, and endeavoring to put tiiem scrupulously together, so as to restore them to their original Un'iw and connectir^i; now lugging forth the character of an almost forgotten hero, like a mutilated statue ; now deciphering a half- defaced inscri})tion ; and now lighting upon a molderiiig manuscript, which, after painful study, scarce repays the trouble of perusal. In such case how much has the reader to depend upon the honor and probity of his author, lest, like a cunning antiquarian, he either impose upon him some spurious fab- rication of his own for a precious relic from antiquity, or else dress up the dismembered fragment with such false trappings that it is scarcely possible to distinguish tlie truth from the fiction with which it is euvelopedl This is a grievance which I have more than once had to lament in the course of my wearisome researches among the works of my fellow historians, who have strangely disguised and dis- torted the facts respecting this country, and particularly respecting the great province of New Xetherlands, as will be perceived by any who will take the trouble to compare their romantic effusions, tricked out in the meretricious gauds of fable, with this authentic history. I have had more vexations of the kind to encounter in those parts of my history which treat of the transactions on the eastern border than in any other, in consequence of the BISTORT OF NEW TORE, 127 troops of liistorians who have infested those quarters, and have shown the honest people of Xieuw Nederlandts no mercy in their works. Among the rest, Mr. Benjamin Trumbull arrogantly declares that " the Dutch were always mere intruders.''' Now, to tliislshall make no other reply than to proceed in the steady narration of my history, which will contain not only proofs that the Dutch had clear title and possession in the fair valleys of the Connecticut, and that they were wrongfully dispossessed thereof, but like- wise that they have been scandalously maltreated ever since by the misrepresentations of the crafty liistorians of New England. And in this I shall be guided by a spirit of truth and impartiality, and a regard to immortal fame, for I would not wittingly dishonor my work by a single falsehood, misrepresentation, or prejudice, though it should gain our forefathers the wliole country of New England. I liave already noticed in a former cliapter of my history that the territories of tlie IS'ieuw Xederlandts extended on the east quite to the Varshe, or Fresh, or Connecticut River. Here, at an early period, had been establislied a fjontier post on the bank of the river, and called Fort Goed Hoop, not far from the site of the present fair city of Hartford. It was placed under the comnumd of Jacobus Van Curlet (or Curlis, as some historians will liave it) — a doughty soldier of that stomachful class famous for eating all they kill. He was long in the body and short in the limb, as though a tall man's body had been mounted on a little man's legs. He made up for this turnspit construction by striding to such an extent that you would have sworn he had on the seven-leagued boots of Jack the Giant-killer and so high did he tread on parade that his soldiers were sometimes alarmed lest he should trample himself under foot. But notwithstanding the erection of this fort and the appointment of this ugly little man of war as commander, the Yankees continued the interlopings hinted at in my last chapter, and at length had the audacity to squat themselves down within the jurisdiction of Fort Goed Hoop. The long-bodied Van Curlet protested with great spirit against these unwarrantable encroachments, coucliing his protest in Low Dutch byway of inspiring more terror, and forthwith disipatched a copy of the protest to the governor 128 UISTORY OF NEW YORK. at New Arnsterd.im, togotlior witli a long and bitter ac- count of the aggressions of the enemy. This clone, he ordered his men, one and all, to be of good cheer, shut the gate of the fort, smoked three pipes, went to bed, and awaited tlie result with a resolute and intrepid tranquillity that _£ji-eatly animated his adherents, and no tloubt struck sore dismay and alTriglit into the hearts of the enemy. Now, it came to pass tiiat abroudest works of art tumbled in the dust, the shrieks and groans of whole nations as- cending unto heaven! It is thus the historian may be said to thrive on the miseries of mankind, like birds of j)iey which hover over the field of battle to fatten on the mighty dead. It was observed by a great projector of inland lock navigation that rivers, lakes and oceans were only formed to feed canals. In like uumner, I am tempted to believe, that plots, cons})iracies wars, victories and massacres are or- dained by Providence only as food for the historian. It is a source of great delight to the philosopher, in studying the wondeiful economy of nature, to trace the mutual dependencies of things — how they are created reciprocally for eacli other, and liow the most noxious and apparently unnecessary animal lias its uses. Thus those swarms of flies, which are so often execrated as useless ver- min, are created for the sustenance of spiders, and spiders, on the other hand, are evidently made to devour flies. 80 those heroes who have been such scourges to the world were bounteously provided as themes for the poet and his- torian, while the poet and the historian were destined to record the achievements of heroes I These and many similar reflections naturally arose in my mind as I took up my pen to commence the reign of Will- iam Kieft ; for now tiie stream of our history, which hitlierto has rolled in a tranquil current, is about to depart forever from its peaceful haunts and brawl through many a turbulent and rugged scene. As some sleek ox, sunk in the rich repose of a clover- field, dozing and chewing the cud, will bear repeated blows before it raises itself, so the province of Xieuw Xeder- lan(Jts, having waxed fat under the drowsy reign of the HISTORY OF NEW YORK. 133 Doubter, needed cuffs and kicks to rouse it into action. The reader will now witness the manner in which a peace- ful community advances toward a state of war, which is apt to be like the approach of a horse to a drum, with much prancing and little progress, and too often with the wrong end foremost. Wilhelmus Kieft, who in 1634 ascended the guberna- torial cliair (to borrow a favorite though clumsy appella- tion of modern phraseologists), was of a lofty descent, his father being inspector of windmills in the ancient town of Saardam ; and our hero, we are told, when a boy made very curious investigations into the nature and operation of these machines, which was one reason why he afterward came to be so ingenious a governor. His name, according to the most authentic etymologists, was a corruption of Kyver — that is to say, a wrangler or scolder — and ex- pressed the characteristic of his family, which for nearly two centuries had kept the windy town of Saardam in hot water, and produced more tartars and brimstones than any ten families in the place ; and so truly did he inherit this family peculiarity that he had not been a year in the gov- ernment of the province before he was universally denom- inated William the Testy. His appearance answered to his name. He ^vas a brisk, wiry, waspish little old gentleman; such a one as may now and then be seen stumping about our city in a broad-skirted coat with huge buttons, a cocked liat stuck on the back of his head, and a cane as high as his chin. His face was broad, but his features were sharp, his cheeks were scorched into a dusky red by two fiery little gray eyes; his nose turned up, and the corners of his mouth turned down, pretty much like the muzzle of an irritable pug-dog. I have heard it observed by a profound adept in human physiology that if a wonmn waxes fat with the progress of years, her tenure of life is somewhat precarious, but if haply she withers as she grows old she lives forever. Such promised to be the case with William the Testy, who grew tough in proportion as he dried. He had withered, in fact, not through the process of years, but through the tropical fervor of his soul, which burnt like a vehement rushlight in his bosom, inciting him to incessant broils and bicker- ings. Ancient traditions speak much of his learning, and 134 IIISTOIiY OF ^EW YORK. of the galhmt inroads lie had made into the dead lanf^aia^^e;;, in which he l)ad made captive a liost of Greek nouns ami Latin verbs, and brouglit oil rich booty in ancient saws and apoplithegms, wliicli lie was wont to parade in his public harangues as a triumphant general of yore hhspolia opima. Of metaphysics he knew enough to confound all hearers and himself into the bargain. In logic he knew the whole family of syllogisms and dilemmas, and was so proud of his skill that he never sulTered even a self-evident, fact to pass unargued. It was observed, however, that he seldom got into an argument wiLlunit getting into a perplexity, and then into a passion with his adversary for not being convinced gratis He had, moreover, skirmished smartly on the frontiers of several of the sciences, was fond of experimental phi- los<»phy, and prided himself upon inventions of all kinds. His abode, which he had fixed at a bowrie or country-seat at a short distance fioin the city, just at what is now called Dutch street, soon abounded with proofs of his ingenuity — patent smoke-jacks tiiat requireil a horse to work them; Dutch ovens that roasted meat without fire; carts that went before the horses; weathei'cocks that tui'ned against the wind; and other wrong-headed contrivances that aston- ished and confounded all beholders. The house, too, was beset with paralytic cats and dogs, the subjects of his experimental philosophy, and the yelling and yelping of the latter unhappy victims of science while aiding in the pursuit of knowledge soon gained for the place the name of Dog's Misery,'' by which it continues to be known even at the present day. It is in knowledge as in swimming: he who flounders and splashes on the surface makes more noise and attracts more attention than the pearl-diver who quietly dives in quest of treasures to the bottom. The vast acquirements of the new governor were the theme of marvel among the simple burghers of New Amsterdam; he figured about the jilace as learned a man as a bonze at Pekin who has mastered one half of the Chinese alphabet, and was unanimously pro- nounced a universal genius I'^ I have known in my time many a genius of this stamp, but, to speak my mind freely, I never knew one who for the ordinary purposes of life was worth his weight in straw. HISrOUT OF NEW YORK. 135 In this respect a little sound judgment and plain common sense is worthy all the sparkling genius that ever wrote poetry or invented theories. Let us see how the universal acquirements of William the Testy aided him in the affairs of government. 13G HlSTOliY OF JSICW YORK, CHAPTER II. now WILLIAM THE TESTY UNDERTOOK TO COXQT'ER 15 V PROCLAMATION — HOW HE WAS A GREAT MAN AIJROAI), RUT A LITTLE MAN IN HIS OWN HOUSE. No SOONER had tliis bustling little potentate been blown by a whilT of fortune into the seat of government than he called his council together to make them a speech on the state of affairs. Caius (Jracchus, it is said, when he harangued the lioman ])opulaco modulated his tone bv an oratoi-ical flute or pitch- l)il)e; Wilhelmus Kieft, not having such an iristrument at hand, availed himself of that musical organ or trump which nature has implanted in the midst of a man's face; in other words he preluded his address by a sonorous blast of the nose — a preliminary flourish much in vogue among ])ublic orators. He then commenced by expressing his humble sense of his utter unworthiness of the high post to which he had been appointed; which made some of the simple burghers wonder why he undertook it, not knowing that it is a point of etiquette with a public orator never to enter upon of!ice without declaring himself unworthy to cross the threshold. He then proceeded in a manner highly classic and erudite to speak of government generally, and of the governments of ancient Greece in particular; together with the wars of Eome and Carthage, and the rise and fall of sundry out- landish empires which the worthy burghers had never read nor . heard of. Having thus, after the manner of your learned orators, treated of things in general, he came by a natural, roundabout transition to the matter in hand — namely, the daring aggressions of the Yankees. As my readers are well aware of the advantage a poten- tate has of haudling his enemies as he pleases in his speeches and bulletins, where he has the talk all on his BISTORT OF NEW TORK. 137 own side, they may rest assured that William the Testy did not let such an opportunity escape of giving the Yan- kees what is called *'a taste of his quality.'^ In speaking of their inroads into the territories of their Higli Mighti- nesses, he compared them to the Gauls who desolated Rome, the Goths and Vandals who overran the fairest plains of Europe; but when he came to speak of the unparalleled au- dacity with which they of AVeatherstield had advanced tlieir patches up to the very walls of Fort Goed Hoop, and threatened to smother the gai-rison in onions, tears of rage started into his eyes, as though he nosed the very offense in question. Having thus wrought up his tale to a climax, he assumed a most belligerent look, and assured the council that he had devised an instrument, potent in its effects, and which he trusted would soon drive the Yankees from the land. So saying, he thrust his hand into one of the deep pockets of his broad-skirted coat and drew forth, not an infernal machine, but an instrument in writing, which he laid with great emphasis upon the table. The burghers gazed at it for a time in silent awe, as a wary housewife does at a gun, fearful it may go off half- cocked. The document in question had a sinister look, it is true; it was 'grabbed in text, and from a broad red ribbon dangled the great seal of the province, about the size of a buckwheat pancake. Still, after all, it was but an instru- ment in writing. Herein, however, existed the wonder of the invention. The document in question was a Procla- MATiox, ordering the Yankees to depart instantly form the territories of their High Mightinesses, under pain of suffer- ing all the forfeitures and punishments in such case made and provided, It was on the moral effect of this formid- able instrument that Wilhelmus Kieft calculated, pledging liis valor as a governor that, once fulminated against the Yankees, it would in less than two months drive every mother's son of them across the borders. Tiie council broke up in perfect wonder, and nothing was talked of for some time among the old men and women of New Amsterdam but the vast genius of the governor and his new and cheap mode of fighting by pro- clamation. As to Wilhelmus Kieft, having dispatched his proclama- tion to the frontiers, he put on his cocked hat and corduroy 138 HISTORY OF NEW YORK. small clothes, and, inountiii<^ a tall raw-boned cliarger, trotted out to his rural retreat of Dog's Misery. Here, like the good Xuma, he reposed from the toils of state, taking lessons in government, not from the nymph Ege- ria, but from the honored wife of his bosom, wiio was one of that class of females sent upon the eartli a little after the flood as a punisment for the sins of mankind, aiwl commonly known by the appellation of knf)iri)i(j irotnen. In fact, my duty as an histoi-iaii obliges me to make known a circumstance which was a great secret at the time, and consecjuently was not a subject of scandal at more tliaii half the tea tables in New Amsterdam, but which, like m:my other great secrets, has leaked out in the lapse of years ; and this was, that Wilhelmus the Testy, though one of the most potent little men that ever breathed, yet submitted at home to a species of government laid down neither in Aristotle nor Plato ; in short, it partook of the nature of a pure, unmixed tyranny, ami is familiarly denominated pefticoat (jovcrninciit — an absolute sway, which, although exceedingly common in these modern days, was very raie among the ancients, if we may judge from the rout made about the domestic economy of honest Socrates, which is the only ancient case on record. The great Kieft, however, warded off all the sneers and sarcasms of his particular friends, who are ever ready to joke with a man on sore points of the kind, by alleging that it was a government of his own election, to which he submitted through choice, adding at the same time a pro- found maxim which he had found in an ancient author, that " he who would aspire to govern should first learu to obey." HISTORY OF NEW YORK. 139 CHAFER III. IX WHICH ARE RECORDED THE SAGE PROJECTS OF A RULER OF UNIVERSAL GENIUS— THE ART OF FIGHTING BY PROCLAMATION — AND HOW THAT THE VALIANT JACOBUS VAN CURLET CAME TO BE FOULLY DISHON- ORED AT FORT GOED HOOP. Never was a more oompreliensive, a more expeditious — or, what is still better, a more economical — measure devised than this of defeating the Yankees by pi'ociama- tion — an expedient, likewise, so gentle and humane there were ten chances to one in favor of its succeeding, but then there was one chance to ten that it would not suc- ceed: as the ill-natured Fates would have it, that single chance carried the day I The proclamation was perfect in all its parts, well constructed, well written, well sealed, and well published; all that was wanting to insure its effect was, that the Yankees should stand in awe of it ; but, provoking to relate, they treated it with the most abso- lute contempt, applied it to an unseemly purpose, and thus did the first warlike proclamation come to a shameful end — a fate which 1 am credibly informed has befallen but too many of its successors. So far from abandoning the country, those varlets con- tinued their encroachments, squatting along the green banks of the Varsche River, and founding Hartford, Stamford, New Haven, and other border towns. I have already shown how the onion patches of Pyquag were an eyesore to Jacobus Van Curlet and his garrison ; but now these moss-troopers increased in their atrocities, kidnap- ing hogs, impounding horses, and sometimes grievously rib-roasting their owners. Our worthy forefathers could scarcely stir abroad without danger of being outjockeyed in horseflesh or taken in in bargaining, wliile in their ab- sence some' daring Yankee peddler would penetrate to their msTOUY OF NEW YORK. lioiisc'liold and nearly ruin the good housewives witli tin- ware and wooden bowls.* I am well aware of the perils which environ nie in this part of my history. While raking, with curious hand but 2)ious heart, among the moldei ing remains of former days, anxious to draw tlierefrom the honey of wisdom, I may fare somewhat like that valiant woi thy, Samson, who in med- dling with the carcass of a dead lion drew a swarm of bees about his ears. 'J'hus, while nariating the many misdeeds of the Yanokie or Yankee race, it is ten chances to one but I olTend the morbid sensibilities of certain of theii- unreasonable descendants, who may lly out and raise such a buzzing about this uiducky head of mine tliat I shall need the tough hide of an Achilles or an Orlando Furioso to protect me fiom their stings. Should such be the case, 1 should deeply and sincerely lament — not my misfoitune in giving olfense — but the \vro!ig-headcd perversenese of an ill-natured gerieration in taking olTense at anything I say. That their ancestors did use my ancestors ill is true, and I am very sorry for it. 1 would, with all my heart, the fact were otherwise; but as I am recording the sacred events of history, I'd not bate one nail's breadth of the honest truth though I were sure the whole edition of my work would be bought up and burnt by the common hangman of Connecticut. And in sooth, now that these testy gentlemen have drawn me out, I will make bold to go farther, and observe that this is one * The following cases in point appear in Hazard's Collection of folate Papers: " In the meantime, they of Hartford have not only usurped and taken in the lands of Connecticott, although unrighteously and against the lawes of nations, but have hindered our nation in sowing theire own purchased broken up lands, but have also sowed them with corne in the night, which the Nederlanders had broken up and in- tended to sowe . and have beaten the servants of the high and mighty the honored comr>anie, which were laboring upon theire master's lands, from theire lands, with sticks and plow staves in hostile man- ner laming, and among the rest struck Ever Duckings [Evert Duyck- inckj a hole in his head, with a stick, so that the bloode ran downe very strongly downe upon his body." "Those of Hartford sold a hogg, that belonged to the honored companie, under pretence that it had eaten of theire grounde grass, when they had not any foot of inheritance. They proffered the hogg for OS. if the commissioners would have given 5s. for damage ; which the commissioners denied, because noe man's own hogg (as men used to say) can trespass upon his owne master's grounde." HISTORY OF NEW YORK. 141 of the gnind purposes for which we impartial historians are sent into t!ie world — to redress wrongs and render justice on the lieads of the guilty. So that, though a powerful nation may wrong its neighbors with temporary impunity, yet sooner or later an historian springs up who wreaks ample chastisement on it in return. Tlius these moss-troopers of the east little thought, V\\ warrant it, while they were harassing the inoffensive prov- ince of Nieuw Nederlandts and driving its unhappy gov- ernor to his wit's end, that an historian would ever aiise and give them their own with interest. Since, then, I am but performing my bounden duty as an historian in avenging the wrongs of our revered ancestors, I shall make no further apology, and, indeed, when it is consid- ered that I have all these ancient borderers of the east in my power and at the mercy of my pen, I trust that it will be admitted I conduct myself with great humanity and mod- eration. It was long before AVilliam the Testy could be persuaded tiiat his much-vaunted war measui'e was ineffectual ; on the contrary, he flew in a passion whenever it was doubted, sweai'ing that though slow in operating, yet when it once began to work it would soon purge the land of these in- vaders. When convinced, at length, of the truth, like a shrewd physician he attributed the failure to the quantity, not the quality, of the medicine, and resolved to double the dose. He fulminated, therefore, a second proclama- tion, more vehement than the first, forbidding all inter- course with these Yankee intruders, ordering the Dutch burghers on the frontiers to buy none of their pacing horses, measly pork, apple sweetmeats, Weathersfield onions, or ^vooden bowls, and to furnish them with no supplies of gin, gingerbread, or sourcrout. Another interval elapsed, during which the last procla- mation was as little regarded as the first, and the non-in- tercourse was especially set at naught by the young folks of both sexes, if we may judge by the active bundling which took place along the borders. At length one day the inhabitants of New Amsterdam were aroused by a furious barking of dogs, great and small, and beheld, to their surprise, the whole garrison of Fort Good Hope straggling into town all tattered and wayworn, with Jacobu^ Van Curlet at their head, bringing the mel- 14;> limOliY OF NEW YORK. aiicholy iutclligoiice of tlio capture of Fort Hood Hope hy tlie Yankees. The fate of tliis iiiiportiiiit fortress is an impressive warn- ing to all military commanders. It was carried neither hy storm nor famine, nor was it undermined nor homharded, nor set on fire hy red-liot shot; hut was taken hy a strat- agem no less singular than elTectual, and which can never fail of success whenever an o})portunity occurs of putting it in i)ractice. It seems that the Yankees had received intelligence that the garrison of Jacohus Van Curlet had heen reduced nearly one-eighth hy the death of two of his most corpu- lent soldiers, who had overeaten themselves on fat salmon caught in the Varsclie Kiver. A secret expedition was immediately set on foot to surprise the fortress. The crafty enemy, knowing the hahits of the garrison to sleep soundly after they had eaten their dinners and smoked their j)ipes, stole upon them at the noontide of a sultry summer's d^iy and surprised them in the midst of their slumhers. In an instant the flag of their High Mightinesses was lowered, and the Y^ankee standard elevated in its stead, being a dried codfish by way of a spread eagle. A strong garrison was aj)pointed of long-sided, hard-hsted Yankees, with Weathersfleld onions for cockades and feathers. As to Jacobus Van Curlet and his men, tiiey were seized by the nape of the neck, conducted to the gate, and one by one dismissed with a kick in the crupper as Charles Xllth dismissed the heavy-bottomed Kussians at the battle of Narva; Jacobus Vnn Cui let receiving two kicks in consider- ation of his official dignity. HISTORY OF NEW YORK. 143 CHAPTER IV. COXTAIXIXG THE FEARFUL WRATH OF WILLIAM THE TESTY, AND THE ALARM OF XEW AMSTERDAM — HOW THE GOV- ERNOR DID STRONGLY FORTIFY THE CITY — OF THE RISE OF ANTONY THE TRUMPETER, AND THE WINDY ADDI- TION TO THE ARMORIAL BEARINGS OF NEW AMSTERDAM. Language caunot express the awful ire of William the Testy ou hearing of the catastrophe at Fort Goetl Hoop. For three good hours his rage was too great for words, or rather the words were too great for liim(being a ver}' snudl iiiau), and he was nearly clioked by the misshapen, nine- eornered Dutch oaths and epithets which crowded at once into his gullet. At length his words found vent, and for three days he kept up a constant dischai'ge, anathematiz- ing the Yankees, man, woman, and child, for a set of dieven, schobbejacken deugenieten, twistzoekeren, blaes- kakeu, looseu-schalken kakken-bedden, and a thousand other names of which, unfortunately for posterity, history does not make mention. Finally he swore that he would liave nothing more to do with such a squatting, bundling guessing, questioning, swapping, pumpkin-eating, molasses daubing, shingle-splitting, cider-watering, horse-jockeying notion-peddling crew — that they might stay at Fort Goed Hoop and rot before he would dirty his hands by attempt- ing to di-ive them away; in proof of which he ordered the new raised troops to be marched forthwith into winter quar- ters, although it was not as yet quite midsummer. Great despondency now fell upon the city of Xew Amsterdam. It was feared that the conqueroi-s of Fort Goed Hoop, flushed with victory and apple-brandy, might march on to the capital, take it by storm, and annex the whole prov- ince to Connecticut. The name of Yankee became as terrible among the Xieuw Nedei landters as was that of Gaul among the ancient Romans; insomuch that the good 144 niSTOUY OF NEW YORK. wives of the Miiiiliattocs used it ;is a hii^^bcar w liciewitli to l'ri<(liten their unruly cliihlrcn. Everyl>ody ciiunoretl around tlie governor, inipl(jrinf( liiin to ])ut tiie city in a complete posture of defense, and lie listened to their clamors. Nob(;dy could accuse Will- iam the 'JV'sty of bein'^ idle in time of dans,a'r or at any other time. lie was never idle, hut then he was often husy to very little j>ur}»o.se. When a youngling he had been im- })ressed with the worils of Solomon: *'(jio to the ant, thou sluggard, observe her ways and be wise;" in conformity to which he had evei* been of a restless, ant-like turn, hurry- ing hitiier and thither, nobody knew why or wherefoie, busying himself about small matters with an air of great importance and anxiety, and toiling at a grain of mustard seed in the full conviction that he was moving a mountain. In the present instance he called in all his inventive powers to his aid, and was continiuilly pondering over })lans, mak- ing diagrams, and worrving about with a trooj) of workmen and projectoi's at his heels. At length, after a w(»rld of consultation and contrivance, his i)Ians of defense ended in rearing a great llagstalT in the center of the fort and i>«rch- ing a windmill on each bastion. These wai like })re})arations in some measure allayed the public alarm, especially after an additional means of secur- ing the safety of the city had been suggested by the gov- ernor's lady. It has already been hinted in this most au- thentic history that in the domestic establishment of Will- iam the Testy the gray mare was the better horse in other words, that his wife "ruled the roast," and in govern- ing the governor governed the province, which might thus be said to be under petticoat government. Now, it came to pass that about this time there lived in the Manhattoes a jolly, robustious trumpeter Jiamed Antony Van Corlear, famous for his long wind, and who, as the story goes, could twang so })otently upon his instru- ment that efi'ect upon all within hearing was like that ascribed to the Scotch bagpipe when it sings right lustily i' the nose. This sounder of brass was moreover a lusty bachelor, with a pleasant, burly visage, a long nose and huge whiskers. He had his little boicene, or retreat in the country, where he led. a roystering life, giving dances to the wives and daughters of the burghers of the Manhattoes^ insomuch HISTORY OF NEW YORK. 145 that he became a prodigious favorite with all the women, young and old. He is said to have been the first to collect that famous toll levied on the fair sex at Kissing J3ridge, on the highway to Hellgate.* To this sturdy bachelor the eyes of all the women were turned, in this time of darkness and peril, as the very man to second and carry out the plans of defense of the governor. A kind of petticoat council was forthwith held at the government house, at which the governor's lady presided ; and this lady, as has been hinted, being all-potent with the governor, the result of these coun- cils was the elevation of Antony the Trumpeter to the post of commandant of windmills and champion of New Amsterdam. The city being thus fortified and garrisoned, it would have done one's heart good to see the governor snapping his fingers and fidgeting with delight as the trumpeter strutted up and down the ramparts twanging defiance to the whole Yankee race, as does a modern editor to all theprnici- palities and powers on the other side of the Atlantic. In the hands of Antony Van Corlear this windy instrument ap- peared to him as potent as the horn of the paladin Astolpho, or even the more classic horn of Alecto; nay, he had almost the temerity to compare it with the rams' horns celebrated in holy writ, at the very sound of which the walls of Jeri- cho fell down. Be all this as it may, the apprehensions of hostilities from the east gradually died away. The Yankees made no further invasion; nay, they declared they had only taken possession of Fort Goed Hoop as being erected within their territories. So far from manifesting hostility, they con- tinued to throng to New Amsterdam with the most inno- cent countenances imaginable, filling the market with their notions, being as ready to trade with the Xederlandters as ever, and not a whit more prone to get to the windward of them in a bargain. The old wives of the Manliattoes who took tea with the governor's lady attributed all this affected moderation to the awe inspired by the military preparations of the gov- ernor and the windy prowess of Antony the trumpeter. *The bridge liere mentioned by Mr. Knickerbocker still exists ; but it is said that tlie toll is seldom collected now a-days, excepting on sleighing parties, by the descendants of the patriarchs who stiU preserve the trkditions of the city. U6 niSTORY OF NEW YORK, Tliore were not wjuitiiig illiberal niiiids, liowever, who sneered at the governor for thiiikini^ to defend liis city, uh lie governed it, by mere wind; but William Kieft was not to be jeered out of his windmills — he had seen them perched upon the ramparts of his native city of Saardam, and was persuaded they were connected with the great science of defense; nay, so much piqued was he l)y having them made a matter of ridicule that he introduced them into the arms of the city, where they remain to this day, quaitered with the ancient beaver of the Manhattoes, an emblem and memento of his })olicy. 1 must not (nnit to mention that ceitain wise old bui'gh- ers of the Manhattoes, skillful in expounding signs and mysteries after events have come to pass, consider this early intrusion of the windmill into the escutcheon of our city, which before had been wholly occupied by the beaver as portentous of its after fortune, when the quiet Dut(;li- man would be elbowed aside by the enterprising Yankee and patient industry overstopped by windy speculation. HISTORY OF NEW YORK, 147 CHAPTER V. OF THE JURISPRUDENCE OF WILLIAM THE TESTY, AND HIS ADMIRABLE EXPEDIENTS FOR THE SUPRESSION OF POVERTY. Among the wrecks and fragments of exalted wisdom which have floated down the stream of time from venerable antiquity, and been picked up by those humble but indus- trious wights who ply along the shores of literature, we find a shrewd ordinance of Charondas the Locrian legisla- tor. Anxious to preserve the judicial code of the state from the additions and amendments of country members and seekers of popularity, he ordained that whoever pro- posed a new law should do it with a halter about his neck, whereby, in case his proposition were rejected, they just hung him up; and there the matter ended. The effect was that for more than two hundred years there was but one trifling alteration in the judicial code, and legal matters were so clear and simple that the whole race of lawyers starved to death for want of employment. The Locrians, too, being freed from all incitement to liti- gation, lived very lovingly together, and were so happy a people that they make scarce any figure in history; it be- ing only your litigious, quarrelsome, rantipole nations who make much noise in the world. I have been reminded of these historical facts in coming to treat of the internal policy of William the Testy. Well would it have been for him had he in the course of his universal acquirements stumbled upon the precaution of the good Charondas, or had he looked nearer home at the protectorate of Oloffe the Dreamer, when the community was governed without laws. Such legislation, however, was not suited to the busy, meddling mind of William the Testy. On the contrary, he conceived that the true wis- dom of legislation consisted in the multiplicity of laws, lie accordingly had great punishments for great crimes 148 HISTOUY OF NEW YORK, and little piuiirflinients for little offenses. By degrees the whole Biiiface of society was cut up by ditches and fences and quickset hedges of the law, and even the sequestered paths of i>rivate life so beset by })etty rules and ordinances, too numerous to be remembered, tliat one could scarce walk at large without the risk of letting off a spring gun or falling into a man-trap. Ill a little while the blepsings of innumerable laws be- came appaient — a class of men arose to expound and con- found them. Petty courts were instituted to take cogniz- ance of petty offenses, pettifoggers began to abound, and the community was soon set tf)gether by the ears. Let me not be thought as intending anything derogatory to the profession of the law or to the distinguished mem- bers of that illustrious order. Well am I aware that we have in this ancient city innumerable worthy gentlemen, the knights errants of modei n days, who go about redress- ing wrongs and defending the defenseless, not for the love of filthy lucre nor the selfish cravings of renown, but merely for tiie pleasure of doing good. Sooner would 1 throw this trusty ])en into the fiames and cork up my ink bottle forever than infringe even for a nail's breadth upon the dignity of these truly benevolent champions of the dis- tressed. On the contrary, I allude merely to those caitiff scouts who, in these latter days of evil, infest the skirts of the profession as did the recreant Cornish knights of yore the honorable order of chivalry — who under its auspices commit flagrant wrongs, who thrive by quibbles, by quirks and chicanery, and like vermin increase the corrii])tion in which they are engendered. Nothing so soon awakens the malevolent passions as the facility of gratification. The courts of law would never be so crowded with petty vexatious and disgraceful suits wei'e it not for the herds of pettifoggers. These tamper with the })assions of the poorer and more ignorant classes, who, as if poverty w^cre not a sufficient misery in itself, are ever ready to embitter it by litigation. These, like quacks in medicine, excite the malady to profit by the cure, and retard the cure to augment the fees. As the quack exhausts the constitution, the pettifogger exhausts the purse; and as he who has once been under the hands of a quack is forever after prone to dabble in drugs and poison himself with in- fallible prescriptions, so the client of the pettifogger is HISTORY OF NEW YORK. 149 ever after prone to embroil himself with his neighbors and impoverish liimself with successful lawsuits. My readers will excuse this digression into which I have been unwarily betrayed; but I could not avoid giving a cool and un- prejudiced account of an abomination too prevalent in this excellent city, and with the effects of which I am rue- fully acquainted, having been nearly ruined by a law- suit which was decided against me, and my ruin having been completed by another which was decided in my favor. To return to our theme. There was nothiiig in the whole range of moral offenses against which the jurisprudence of William the Testy was more strenuously directed than the crying sin of poverty. He pronounced it the root of all evil, and determined to cut it up, root and branch, and ex- tirpate it from the land. He had been struck, in the course of his travels in the old countries of Europe, with the wis- do_n of those notices posted up in country towns, that ''any vagrant found begging there would be put in the stocks and he had observed that no beggars were to be seen in these neighborhoods, having doubtless thrown off their rags and their poverty and become rich under the terror of the law. He determined to improve upon this hint. In a lit- tle while a new machine of liis own invention was erected hard by Dog s Misery. This was nothing more nor less than a gibbet, of a very strange, uncouth, and unmatch- able construction, far more efficacious, as he boasted, than the stocks for the punishment of poverty. It was for alti- tude not a whit inferior to that of Haman, so renowned in Bible history; but the marvel of the contrivance was, that the culprit, instead of being suspended by the neck accord- ing to venerable custom, was hoisted by the waistband, and kept dangling and sprawling between heaven and earth for an hour or two at a time — to the infinite entertainment and edification of the respectable citizens who usually attend exhibitions of the kind. It is incredible how the little governor chuckled at be- holding caitiff vagrants and sturdy beggars thus swinging by the crupper and cutting antic gambols in the air. He had a thousand pleasantries and mirthful conceits to utter upon these occasions. He called them his dandlelions, his wild-fowl, his high-fliers, his spread-eagles, his goshawks, bis scare-crows, and, finally his gallows-birds', which inge- ir.O lIlsrnllY OF NEW YORK. nioiis iippelhition, tlioii;,^h origiiiiilly coiifmcHl to worthies w'lio had taken the air in tliis strange manner, lias since grown to be a cant name given to all candidates for legal elevation. This puni.sliment, moreover, if we may credit the assertions of certain grave etymologists, gave the first hint for a kind of harnessing or strapj/ing by which our forefathers braced u}) tlieir multifarious breeches, and which has of late years been revived, and continues to be worn at tlie J) resent day. Such was the puni.slnnent of all petty delinfjuents, vag- rants and beggars and others, detected in being guilty of poverty in a small way; as to those who had ollended on a great scale, who had been guilty of flagrant misfortunes and enormous backslidings of the purse, and who stood convicted of large debts which they were unable to ])ay, William Kieft had them straightway inclosed within the stone walls of a prison, there to remain until they siiould reform and grow rich. This notable expedient, however, does not appear to have been more edicacious under Will- iam the Testy than in more modern days, it being found that the longer a poor devil was kept iu prison the poorer he grew. MlSTORY OF NEW YORK. 151 CHAPTER VI. PROJECTS OF WILLTAM THE TESTY FOR INCREASING THE CURRENCY — HE IS OUTWITTED BY THE YANKEES — THE GREAT OYSTER WAR. Next to his projects for the suppression of poverty may be classed those of William the Testy for increasing the wealth of Xew Amsterdam. Solomon, of whose character for wisdom the little governor was somewhat emulous, had made gold and silver as plenty as the stones in the streets of Jerusalem. William Kieft could not pretend to vie with him as to the precious metals, but he determined, as an equivalent, to flood the streets of New Amsterdam with In- dian money. This was nothing more nor less than strings of beads wrought out of clams, periwinkles, and other shell-fish, aTid called seawant or wam])um. These had formed a native currency among the simple savages, who were content to take them of the Dutchmen in exchange for peltries. In an unlucky moment William the Testy, seeing this money of easy production, conceived the project of making it the current coin of the province. It is true it had an intrinsic value among the Indians, who used it to ornament their robes and moccasins, but among the honest burghers it had no more intrinsic value than those rags which form the paper currency of modern days. This consideration, however, had no weight with William Kieft. He began by paying all the servants of the com- pany and all the debts of government in strings of wampum. He sent emissaries to sweep the shores of Long Island, which was the Ophir of this modern Solomon and abounded in shell-fish. These were transported in loads to New Amsterdam, coined into Indian money, and launched into circulation. And now, for a time, affairs went on swimmingly ; money became as plentiful as in the modern days of paper currency, a]id, to use the popular phrase, a wonderful 152 iiisroiiy OF NKW roiiK. impulse* was given to i)ublic proHj)erity. Yankee tradeis ])oiirecl into the province, buying eveiytliing they could lay their liands on, and l)aying the worthy Dutchmen their own price — in Indian money. If tlie latter, however, at- tem})ted to })ay the Yankees in the same coin for their tinwaie and wooden bowls, the case was altered ; nothing would do but Dutch guilders and such like " metallic cur- rency." M'hat was worse, the '^'ankees introduced an in- ferior kind of wampum made of oyster shells, with which they deluged the province, carrying of! in excliange all the silver and gold, the i)utch lierrings and Dutch cheeses : thus early did the knowing men of the east manifest their skill in bargaining the New Amsterdammers out of the oyster and leaving them the shell.* It was a long time before William the Testy was made sensil)le how completely his grand project of finance was turned against him by his eastern neighbors; nor would he j)robably have ever found it out had not tidings been brought him tluii the Y'ankees had nnide a descent n})on Long Island, and had established a kind of mint at Oyster Bay, where they were coining up all the ONSter banks. Now, this was making a vital attack u])on the province in a double sense, financial and gastronomical. Ever since the council dinner of Olotfe the Dreamer at the founding of New Amsterdam, at which banquet the oyster figured so conspicuously, this divine shell-fish has been held in a kind of superstitious reverence at the Manhattoes, as wit- * In a manuscript record of the province, dated IGOO. Library of the New York Historical Society, is the following mention of Indian money : Scawant alias wampum. Beads manufactured from the qua- hauy or icUk, a shell fish formerly abounding on our coasts, but lately of more rare occurrence, of two colors, black and white; the former twice the value of the latter. Six beads of the white and three of the black for an English penny. The seawant depreciates from time to lime. The New England people make use of it as a means of barter, not only to carry away the best cargoes which we send thither, but to accumulate a large quantity of beavers and other furs ; by which the company is defrauded of her revenues, and the merchants disappointed in making returns with that speed with which they might wish to meet their engagements ; while their commissioners and the inhabitants remain overstocked with seawant — a sort of currency of no value except with the New Netherland savages, etc." HISTORY OF NEW YORK. 153 ness the temples erected to its cult in every street and iune and alley. In fact, it is the standard luxury of the place, as is the terrapin at Phihidelphia, the soft crab at Balti- more, or the canvas-back at Washington. The seizure of Oyster Bay, therefore, was an outrag-e not merely on the pockets, but the larders, of the ^'e\v Amsterdammers; the wliole community was aroused, and an oyster crusade was immediately set on foot against the Yankees. Every stout trencherman hastened to the stand- ard ; nay, some of the most corpulent burgomasters and schepens joined the expedition as a corps de reserve, only to be called into action when tlie sacking commenced. The conduct of the expedition was entrusted to a valiant Dutchman, who for size and weight might have matched with Colbrand tlie Danish champion, slain by Guy of War- wick. He wasfamous throughout the province for strength of arm and skill at quarter-staff, and hence was named Stoffel Brinkerhoff, or rather Brinkerhoofd — that is to say, Stoffel the head-breaker. This sturdy commander, who was a man of few words but vigorous deeds, led his troops resolutely on through Nineveh, and Babylon, and Jericho, and Patch-hog, and other Long Island towns, without encountering any diffi- culty of note, though it is said that some of the burgo- masters gave out at llardscramble Hill and Hungry Hollow, and that others lost heart and turned back at Puss-panick. With the rest he made good his march until he arrived in the neighborhood of Oyster Bay. Here he was encountered by a host of Yankee warriors headed by Preserved Fish, and Habakkuk Xutter, and Return Strong, and Zerubbabel Fisk, and Determined Cock ; at the sound of whose names Stoffel Brinkerhoff verily believed the whole parliament of Pmise-God Bare- bones had been let loose upon him. He soon found, how- ever, that they were merely the selectmen of the settle- ment, armed with no weapon but the tongue, and disposed only to meet him on the field of argument. Stoffel had but one mode of arguing; that was, with the cudgel; but he used it with sucii effect that he routed his antago- nists, broke up the settlement, and would have driven the inhabitants into the sea if they had not managed to escape across the sound to the mainland by the Devil's Stepping- stones, which remain to this day monuments of this great Dutch victory over the Yankees. 154 niSTOUY OF NEW Tonf{. Stoffel Bi inkerlK)lT mii(]e great spoil of oysters and clams, coined and uncoined, and then set out on liis return to the Manhattoes. A grand triumph, after tlie manner of the ancients, was prepared for him by William the Testy, lie entered New Amsterdam as a conqueror, mounted on a Narragansett pacer. Five dried codlish on poles, stand- ards taken from the enemy, were borne before him, and an inimeiKse store of oysters and clams, W'eathersfield onions, and Yankee "notions" formed the spolia o{)ima; while s(!veral coinei's of oyster shells were led captive to grace the hero's tiiumph, The procession was accompanied by a full band of boys aiul negroes performing on tlie popular instruments of rat- tle-bones and clam shells, while Antony Van Corlear sounded liis trumpet from the ramparts. A great banquet was served uj) in the stadthouse from the clams and oysters taken from the enemy, while the governor sent the shells privately to the mint and had them coined into Indian money, with which he paid his troops. It is moreover said that the governor, calling to mind the practice among the ancients to honor their victorious generals with public statues, passed a magnanimous decree by which every tavern keeper was permitted to paint the head of Stofl'el Brinkerhoff upon his sign! mSTORT OF NEW roBR, 155 CHAPTER VII. GROWING DISCOXTENTS OF NEW AMSTERDAM UNDER THE GOVERNMENT OF WILLIAM THE TESTY. It has been remarked by the observant writer of the Stuyvesant manuscript that under the administration of William Kieft the disposition of the inhabitants of New Amsterdam experienced an essential change, so that they became very meddlesome and factious. The unfortunate propensity of the little governor to experiment and inno- vation and the frequent exacerbations of his temper kept his council in a continual worry; and tlie council being to the people at large what yeast or leaven is to a batch, they threw the whole community in a ferment; and the people at large being to the city what the mind is to the body, the unhappy commotions they underwent operated most disas- trously upon \ew Amsterdam, insomuch that in certain of their paroxysms of consternation and perplexity they begat several of the most crooked, distorted, and abominable streets, lanes, and alleys with which this metropolis is dis- figured. The fact was, that about this time the communitj^, like Balaam's ass, began to grow more enlightened than its rider, and to show a disposition for what is called self- government." This restive propensity was first evinced in certain popular meetings in which the burghers of New Amsterdam met to talk and smoke over the complicated affairs of the province, gradually obfuscating themselves with politics and tobacco-smoke. Hither resorted those idlers and squires of low degree who hang loose on society and are blown about by every wind of doctrine. Cobblers abandoned their stalls to give lessons on political economy; blacksmiths suffered their fires to go out while they stirred up the fires of faction; and even tailors, though said to be the ninth parts of humanity, neglected their own measures to criticise the measures of government. niSTORY OF NEW YORK. Strange tluit tlie science of government, wliicli seems to be so generally understood, should invariably be denied to the only one called uj)on to exercise it! Not one of the ])oliticians in question but, take his word for it, could have administered alTairs ten times better than William the Testy. Under tlie instructions of these political oracles the good people of New Amsterdam soon became exceedingly enlightened, and, as a matter of course, exceedingly dis- contented. 'I'hey gradually found out the fearful error in which they had indulged of thinking themselves the hap- piest ])eo})le in creation, and were convinced that, all cir- cumstances to the contrary notwithstanding, they were a very unhaj)py, deluded, and consequently ruined peoplel We are naturally prone to discontent and avaiicious after inuigiiuiry causes of lamentation. Like lubberly monks, we belabor our own shoulders, and take a vast satis- faction in the music of our own gioans. Nor is this said by way of j)arad()x: daily exjierieJice shows tlie truth of tiiese observations. It is idmost impossible to elevate the s})irits of a man groaning under ideal calamities; but noth- ing is easier than to render him wretched though on the pinnacle of felicity; as it wouhl be an Herculean task to hoist a man to the top of a steeple, though the merest child could topple him off thence. 1 must not omit to mention that these popular meetings were generally held at some noted tavern, these public edifices possessing what in modern times are thought the true fountains of political in5})iration. The ancient Ger- mans deliberated upon a matter when drunk, and recon- sidered it when sober. Mob politicians in modern times dislike to have two minds upon a subject; so they both de- liberate and act when drunk; by this means a world of de- lay is spared, and as it is universally allowed that a man when drunk sees double, it follows conclusively that he sees twice as well f?s his sober neighbors. HISTORY OF NEW YORK, 157 CHAPTER VIII. OF THE EDICT OF WILLIAM THE TESTY AGAINST TOBACCO — OF THE PIPE PLOT, AND THE RISE OF FEUDS AND PARTIES. WiLHELMUS KiEFT, as lias already been observed, was a great legislator on a small scale, and had a microscopic eye in public affairs. He had been greatly annoyed by the factious meetings of the good people of New Amsterdam, but, observing that on these occasions the jnpe was ever in their moutli, he began to think that the pipe was at the bottom of the affair, and that there was some mysterious affinity between politics and tobacco smoke. Determined to strike at the root of the evil, he began, forthwith, to rail at tobacco as a noxious, naseous weed, filthy in all its uses ; and as to smoking, he denounced it as a heavy tax upon the public pocket, a vast consumer of time, a great encourager of idleness, and a deadly bane to the prosper- ity and morals of the people. Finally, he issued an edict prohibiting the smoking of tobacco throughout the New Netherlands. Ill-fated Kieft ! Had he lived in the present age and attempted to check the unbounded license of the press, he could not have struck more sorely upon the sensibilities of the million. The pipe, in fact, was the great organ of reflection and deliberation of the New Netherlander. It was his constant companion and solace: was he gay, he smoked ; was he sad, he smoked ; his pipe was never out of his mouth ; it was a part of his physiognomy; without it his best friends would not know him. Take away his pipe? You might as well take away his nose ! The immediate effect of the edict of William the Testy was a popular commotion. A vast multitude, armed with pipes and tobacco boxes and an immense supply of ammu- nition, sat themselves down before ^he governor's house 158 niSTORY OF NEW YORK. juhI fell to smoking witli tremendous violence. TIjc Te.stv William issued forth like a wrathful sj»ider, demanding the reason of this lawless fumigation. Tlie sturdy rioters replied by lolling back in their seats and pulling away with redoubled fury, raising such a murky cloud that the governor was fain to take refuge in the interior of liLs castle. A long negotiation ensued through tlie medium of An- tony the Trumpcler. 'J'he governor was at first wrathful and unyielding, but was gra(iually smoked into terms. He concluded by permitting the smoking of tobacco, but he abolished the fair long \n\)i}6 used in the days of Wouter Van Twiller, denoting ease, tranquillity, and sobriety of deportment; these he condemned as incompatible with the dispatch of business; in place whereof he substituted little captious short pipes, two inches in length, which he ob- served could be stuck in one corner of the mouth or twisted in the hat-band, and would never be in the \ray. Thus ended this alarming insurrection, which was long known by the name of The Pipe Plot, and which, it has been somewhat (piaintly observed, did end, like most plots and seditions, in mere smoke. But mark, reader I the deplorable evils which did afterward result. The smoke of these villainous little pipes, continually ascending in a cloud about the nose, penetrated into and befogged the cerebellum, dried up all the kindly moisture of the brain, and rendered the people who used them as vaporish and testy as the governor him- self. Nay, what is worse, from being goodly, burly, sleek- conditioned men, they became, like our Dutch yeomanry who smoke short pipes, a lantern-jawed, smoke-dried, leathern-hided race. Nor was this all. From this fatal schism in tobacco- pipes we may date the rise of parties in the Nieuw Neder- landts. The rich and self-important burghers who had made their fortunes and could afford to be lazy adhered to the ancient fashion, and formed a kind of aristocracy known as the Long Pipes; while the lower order, adopting the reform of William Kieft as more convenient in their hand- icraft employments, were branded with the plebeian name of Sliort Pipes. A third party sprang up, headed by the descendants of Robert Chewit, the companion of the great Hudson. HISTORY OF NEW YORK, 159 These discarded pipes altogether and took to chewing to- bacco; hence they were called Quids — an appellation since given to those political mongrels which sometimes spring up between two great parties, as a mule is produced between a horse and an ass. Anil here I would note the great benefit of party dis- tinctions in saving the people at large the trouble of think- ing. Hesiod divides mankind into three classes — those who think for theinselves, those who think as others think, and those who do not think at all. The second class comprises the great mass of society, for most people require a set creed and file-leader. Hence the origin of party, which means a large body of people some few of whom think and all the rest talk. The former take the lead and disci- pline the latter, prescribing what they must say, what they must approve, what they must hoot at, whom they must support, but, above all, whom they must hate; for no one can be a right good partisan who is not a thorough-going hater. The enlightened inhabitants of the ^lanhattoes, therefore being divided into parties, were enabled to hate each other with great accuracy. Aiul now the great business of poli- tics went bravely on, the Long Pipes and Short Pipes as- sembling in separate beer-houses, and smoking at each other with implacable vehemence, to the great support of the state and profit of the tavern keepers. Some, indeed, went so far as to bespatter their adversaries with those odoriferous little words which smell so strong in the Dutch language, believing, like true politicians, that they served their party and glorified themselves in proportion as they bewrayed their neighbors. But, however they might differ among themselves, all parties agreed in abusing the gov- ernor, seeing that he was not a governor of their choice, but appointed by others to rule over them. Unhappy William Kief 1 1 exclaims the sage writer of the Stuyvesant manuscript, doomed to contend with en- emies too knowing to be entrapped, and to reign over a people too wise to be governed. All his foreign expedi- tions were baffled and set at naught by the all-pervading Yankees; all his home measures were canvassed and con- demmed by "numerous and respectable meetings" of pot- house politicians. In the multitude of counselors, we are told, there is 100 niSTORY OF NKW YORK. Biifety; but the iiiuhitu(l(i of coun.selurs was a continual source of perplexity to William Kieft. With a temj)era- inent as hot as an old radish, and a mind subject toiler ])etual whirlwinds and tornadoes, he never failed to get into a passion witii every one who undertook to advise him. I have observed, liowever, that your passionate little men, like small boats with large sails, are easily upset or blown out of their course; so was it with William the Testy, who was prone to be carried away by the last piece of advice blown into his ear. The consefpience was that, though a projectoi" of the first class, yet by continually changing his projects he gave none a I'aii' trial, and by endeavoring to do eveiything, he in sober truth did nothing. In the mean time, the sovereign people, having got into the saddle, showed themselves, {us usual, unmerciful riders, spurring on the little governor with harangues and peti- tions, and thwarting him with memorials and reproaches, in much the same way as holiday aj)prentices manage an unlucky devil of a hack-horse; so tliat Wilhelmus Kieft was kept at a worry or a gallop throughout the whole of his administration. HISTORY OF NEW YORK, 161 CHAPTER IX. OF THE FOLLY OF BEING HAPPY IN TIME OF PROSPERITY — OF TROUBLES TO THE SOUTH BROUGHT ON BY AN- NEXATION — OF THE SECRET EXPEDITION OF JAN JAN- SEN ALPENDAM, AND HIS MAGNIFICENT REWARD. If we could but get a peep at the tally of Dame Fort- une, where like a vigilant landlady she chalks up the debtor and creditor accounts of thoughtless mortals, we should find that every good is checked off by an evil, and that however we may apparently revel scot-free for a season, the time will come wlien we must ruefully pay off the reckoning. Fortune, in fact, is a pestilent slirew, and withal an inexorable creditor; and though for a time she may be all smiles and courtesies and indulge us in long credits, yet sooner or later she brings up her arrears with a vengeance, and washes out her scores with our tears. " Since," says good old Boetius, no man can retain her at liis pleasure, what are her favors but sure prognostica- tions of approaching trouble and calamity?" This is the fundamental maxim of that sage school of philosophers the croakers, who esteem it true wisdom to doubt and despond when other men rejoice, well knowing that happiness is at best but transient; that the higher one is elevated on the see-saw balance of fortune the lower must be his subsequent depression; that he who is on the uppermost round of a ladder has most to suffer from a fall, while he who is at the bottom runs very little risk of break- ing his neck by tumbling to the lop. Philosophical readers of this stamp must have doubtless indulged in dismal forebodings all through the tranquil reign of Walter the Doubter, and considered it what Dutch seamen call a weather-breeder. They will not be surprised, tliei-efore, that the foul weather whicii gathered dui-ing his days should now be rattling from all quarters on the head of William the Testy. 2G2 UISTOIIY OF NEW YORK. Tlie OYvXm <;f noma of tlics'.; troubles may be* iraced (jiiito buck to the discoveries i'lid annexations of Hans Keinier Outhout tlie exi)lorer and Winant Ten Jireecbes ibe land measurer, made in the t\vili<^lit days of Ohjll'e the Dreamer, by which the territories of tlie \ieu\v Nederhindts were car- ried far to the south, to Delaware Kiver and parts beyond. 'IMie coiise- weh visions of those dreaming varlets, the poets, to which 1 would not iiave niy judicious reader attaeii any credihil- ity. Neither ain I disposed to credit an ancient and rather a})ocryphal historian, who asserts that the ingenious W'il- helinus was annihihited by the blowing down of one of liis windmills; nor a writer of later times, who aflirms tliat he fell a victim to an experiment in natural history, having the misfortune to break iiis neck from a gariet window of the stadthouse in attempting to calch swallows by Kj)rink- ling salt upon their tails. Still less do 1 put my faith in the tiadition that he perished at sea in conveying home to Holland a treasure of golden ore discovered somewhere among the haunted regions of the Catskill Mountains.* sbolde reninino for a time, and then roturne againe and reigne in as great authority as ever. — IIoM-insmki). 'i'he Hritons suppose that he shall come yet and eon(|uere all Hritaigiie, for certes. this is the prophicye of Mrrlyn — Wv say'd tliat liis drth shall br doubteou>r, and said soth. for mm tlu'rer»f yet luive douhte and sliullen for ever more — for m« n wyt not whctlier that lie lyveth or is dede. — Dk Lkkw. Chkon. * Diedrich Knick('rl)ocker, in his scrupulous search after truth, is sometimes too fastidious in regard to facts which border a little on the marvelous. The story of the golden ore n-sts on something bet- ter than mere tradition. The venerable Adrian \'an der Donck, Doctor of Laws, in his description of the New Netherlands, asserts it from his own observation as an eye-witness. lie was ])resent, he says, in 1040, at a treaty between (Jovernor K left and the M(jhawk Indians, in which one of the latter, in i)ainting himself for the cere- mony, used a pignient the weight and shining a|)pearance of which excited the curiosity of the governor and Mynheer Van der Donck, They obtained a lump, and gave it to be proved by a skillful doct(jr of medicine, Johannes de la Montague, one of the councilors of the New Netherlands. It was put into a crucible, and yielded two pieces of gold worth al)out three guilders. All tliis, continues Adrian Van der Donck, was kept secret. As soon as peace was Uiade with the Mohawks an officer and a few men were sent to the mountain (in the region of the Kaatskill), under the guidance of an Indian, to search for the precious mineral. They brought back a bucket full of o^^e, which being submitted to the crucible, j)roved as productive as the first. William Kieft now thought the discovery certain. He .sent a confidential person, Arent Cor.sen, with a bag full of the mineral to New Haven, to take passage in an English ship for England, thence to i)roceed to Holland. The vessel sailed at Christmas, but never reached her port. All on board perished. In the year 1647, Wilheimus Kieft himself embarked on l)oard the Princess, taking with him specimens of the supposed mineral. The ship was never heard of more I HISTORY OF NEW YORK. 175 The most probable account declares that, what with tlie constant troubles on his frontiers, the incessant schemiugs and projects going on in liis own pericranium, the memo- rials, petitions, remonstrances, and sage pieces of advice of respectable meetings of the sovereign people, and the re- fractory disposition of his councilors, who were sure to dilfer from him on every point, and uniformly to be in the wrong, his mind was kept in a furnace heat, until he be- came as completely burnt out as a Dutch family pipe which has passed through three generations of hard smok- ers. In this numner did he undergo a kind of animal com- bustion, consuming away like a farthing rushlight, so that when grim death hnally snutfed him out there was scarce left enough of him to bury! Some Lave supposed that the mineral in question was not gold, but pyrites; but we have the assertion of Adrian Van der Donck, an eye-witness, and the exi)erinient of Johannes de la Montague, a learned doctor of medicine, on the golden side of the question. Cor- nelieus Van Tienhooven. also, at that time secretary of the New Neth- erlands, declared in Holland that he had tested several specimens of the mineral, which proved satisfactory.* It would appear, however, that these golden treasures of the Kaatskill always brought ill luck, as is evidenced in the fate of Arent (Jorsen and W'ilhelmus Kieft, and the wreck of the ships in which they attempted to convey the treasure across the ocean. The golden mines have never since been explored, but remain among the mysteries oi the Kaatskill Mountains, and under the protection of the goblins which haunt them. * See Van der Donck's Description of the New Netherlands. Colleet. New- York His. Society, vol. i. p. 161. 176 UISTOliY OF NEW YORK. BOOK V. (•()NTAININ(J TIIK FIRST PAUT OF TIIF RFKiX OF PETER STl'YVKSAXT, AND HIS TltOl T.LKS WITH TIIi: AMl'illC- TYONIO COUNCIL. CIIAI'TKR I. IN WHICH tin: dkatii of a (;i{i:at man is shown to I5K NO ^ i:i;v inconsolahlk mattku of soiikow — AND HOW I'F<:TKII STUYVKSANT ACQriKKI) A (JItKAT NAME FROM TIIK UNCOMMON STKENGTII OF HIS Uc.\\). To A profound })liiloso|)lier like myself, who am apt to Bee clear through a subject where the j^euet ration of ordin- ary people extends but halfway, tluM-e is no fact more sim- })le and manifest than that the death of a great man is a matter of very little importance. Much as we may think of ourselves, and much as we may excite the empty plaudits of the million, it is certain that the greatest among us do actually lill but an exceeding small space in the world, and it is cfjually certain that even that small space is quickly supplied when we leave it vacant. "Of what consequence is it," said Pliny, **that individuals appear or make their exit? The world is a theater whose scenes and actors are continually changing." Never did philosopher speak more correctly, and J only wonder that so wise a remark could have existed so many ages and mankind not have laid it more to heart. Sage follows on in the footsteps of sage; one hero just steps out of his triumphal car to make way for the hero who comes after him; and of the proudest mon- arch it is merely said that "he slejU with his fathers, and his successor reigned in his stead.'" The world, to tell the private truth, cares but little for HISTORY OF NEW TORE. their loss, and if left to itself would soon forget to grieve; and though u nation has often been figuratively drowned in tears on the death of a great man, yet it is ten to one if an individual tear has been shed on the occasion, except- ing- from the forlorn pen of some hungry author. It is tlie historian, the biographer, and the poet who have the whole burdrii of gi ief to .sustain — who, kind soulsl like under- takers in England, act the part of chief mourners — who inflate a nation with sighs it never heaved and deluge it witii tears it never dreamt of shedding. Thus, while the patriotic author is weeping and howling, in prose, in blank verse, and in rhyme, aiul collecting the drops of public sor- row into his volume as into a lachrymal vase, it is more than probable his fellow citizens are eating and drinking, fiddling and dancing, as utterly ignorant of the bitter lamentations made in their name as are those men of straw John Doe and Richard Roe, of the plaintiflis for whom they are generously pleased to become sureties. Tlie most glorious hero that ever desolated nations might have moldered into oblivion among the rubbish of his own monument did not some historian take him into favor and benevolently transmit his name to posterity; and much as the valiant William Kieft worried and bustled and tur- moiled while he had the destinies of a whole colony in his hand, 1 question seriously whether he will not be obliged to this authentic history for all his future celebrity. His exit occasioned no convulsion in the city of New Amsterdam nor its vicinity: the earth trembled not, neither did any stars shoot from their spheres; the heavens were not shrouded in black, as poets would fain persuade us they have been on the death of a hero; the rocks (hard-hearted varletsi) melted not into tears, nor did the trees hang their heads in silent sorrow; and as to the sun, he lay abed the next night just as long, and showed as jolly a face when he rose, as he ever did on the same day of the month in any year either before or since. The good people of New Amsterdam, one and all, declared that he had been a very busy, active, bustling little governor; that he was ^' the father of his country;" that he was " noblest work of God ;" that he was a man, take him for all in all, they ne^er should look upon his like again;" together with sun- dry other civil and affectionate speeches regularly said on the death of all great men; after which they smoked their 178 mSTOIiV OF NEW YORK. l^ipes, tliouglit no more about liiin, and Peter Stuyvesant succeeded to his station. Peter Stuyvesant was the hist, and, like tlic renowned Wouter Van Twiller, tlie best, of our ancient Dutcli gov- ernors, Wouter having surpassed all who preceded liirn, and Pieter or Piet, as he was sociably called by the old Dutch burghers, who were ever prone to familiarize names, having never been equalled by any successor. He was, in fact, the very man litLud by Nature to retrieve the desperate fortunes of her beloved province, had not the fates, those most potent and unrelenting of all ancient spinsters, des- tined them to inextricable confusion. To say merely that he was a hero would be doing him great injustice: he was in truth a combination of heroes; for he was of a sturdy, rawboned make like Ajax 'i'clamon, with a pair of round shoulders that Hercules would have given his hide for(meaning his lion's hide) when he under- took to ease old Atlas of his load. He was, moieover ;is Plutarch describes Coriolanus, not only terrible for the force of his arm, but likewise of his voice, which sounded as though it came out of a barrel; and, like the self-same warrior, he possessed a sovereign contempt for the sover- eign people, and an iron aspect which was enough of itself to make the very bowels of his adversaries quake with terror and dismay. All this martial excellency of ap- pearance was inexpressibly heightened by an accidental advantage with which I am surprised that neither Homer nor Virgil have graced any of their heroes. This was noth- ing less than a wooden leg, which was the only prize he had gained in bravely fighting the battles of his country, but of which he was so proud that he was often heard to declare he valued it more than all his other limbs put to- gether; indeed, so highly did he esteem it that he had it gallantly enchased and relieved with silver devices, which caused it; to be related in divers histories and legends that he wore a silver leg.* Like that choleric warrior Achilles, he was somewhat subject to extempore bursts of passion, which were rather unpleasant to his favorites and attendants, whose percep- tions he was apt to quicken, after the manner of his illus- trious imitator, Peter the great, by anointing their shoul- ders with his walking-staff. * See the histories of Masters Josselyn and Blome. HISTOllT OF NEW YORK 179 Though I cannot find that he nud read Plato, or Aris- totle, or Hobbes, or Bacon, or Algernon Sydney, or Tom Paine, yet did he sometimes manifest a shrewdness and sa- gacity in his measures tliat one would hardly expect from a man who did not know Greek and had never studied the ancients. True it is, and I confess it with sorrow, that he had an unreasonable aversion to experiments, and was fond of governing his province after the simplest manner; but then he contrived to keep it in better order than did the erudite Kieft, though he had all the philosophers, ancient and modern, to assist and perplex him. 1 must likewise own that he made but very few laws, but then again he took care that those few were rigidly and impar- tially enforced; and I do not know but justice on the whole was as well administered as if there had been volumes of sage acts and statutes yearly made and daily neglected and forgotten. He was, in fact, the very reverse of his predecessors, be- ing neither tranquil and inert like Walter the Doubter, nor restless and fidgeting like William the Testy, but a man, or rather a governor, of such uncommon activity and decision of mind that he never sought nor accepted the advice of others, depending bravely upon his single head, as would a hero of yore upon his single arm, to carry him through all difficulties and dangers. To tell the simple truth, he wanted nothit-g more to complete him as a statesman than to think always right, for no one can say but that he always acted as he thought. He was never a man to flinch when he found himself in a scrape, but to dash forward through thick and thin, trusting by hook or by crook to make all things straight in the end. In a w'ord, he possessed in an eminent degree that great quality in a stateman called perseverance by the polite, but nicknamed obstinacy by the vulgar. A wonderful salve for official blunders, since he who perseveres in error without flinching gets the credit of boldness and consistency, while he who wavers in seek- ing to do what is right gets stigmatized as a trimmer. This much is certain — and it is amaxim well worthy the atten- tion of all legislators great and small who stand shaking in the wind, irresolute which way to steer — that a ruler who follows his own will pleases himself, while he who seeks to satisfy the wishes and whims of others runs great risk of pleasing nobody. There is nothing, too, like putting dow^n 180 UlSTOllY OF NEW YORK. one's foot resolutely when in doubt, and letting tilings tjike their course. 'J'he clock that stands still points riglit twice in the four and twenty hours, while others may keep going continually and be continually going wrong. Nor did this magnanimous quality es('aj)e the discern- ment of the good people of Nieuw Nederlandts; on the contra.'-y, so much were they struck with the independent will and vigorous resolution displayed on all occasions by their new governor that they universally called iiini Ilard- Koppig Piet, or J*eter the Headstrong — a great compli- ment to the strength of his unden^standing. if, from all that I have said, thou dost uot gather, wor- thy reader, that IVter Stuyvesant was a tough, sturdy, val- iant, weatherbeaten, mettlesome, obstinate, leathern-sided, lion-hearted, generous-spirited old governor, either I have written to but little purpose or thou art very dull at draw- ing conclusions. This most excellent governor commenced his adminis- tration on the '20th of May, 1G47, a remarkably stormy day, distinguished in ail ihi- almanacs of the tinie which have come down to us by the name of Windy Friday. As he was very jealous of his personal and oflicial dignity, he was iiKingu rated into olhce with great ceremony, the goodly oaken chair of the renowned Wouter Van T wilier being carefully preserved for such occasions, in like man- ner as the chair and stone were reverentially preserved at Scone in Scotland for the coronation of the Caledonian monarchs. I must not omit to mention that the tempestuous state of the elements, together with its being that unlucky day of the week termed " hanging day," did not fail to excite much grave speculation and divers very reasonable a])pre- hensions among the more ancient and enlightened inhabi- tants; and several of the sager sex, who were reputed to be not a little skilled in the mysteriesof astrology and fortune- telling, did declai-e outright that they were omens of a dis- astrous adm'nistration — an event that came to be lamenta- bly verified, and which proves, beyond dispute, the wis- dom of attending to those preternatural intimations fur- nished by dreams and visions, the flying of birds, falling of stones, and cackling of geese, on which the sages and rulers of ancient times placed such reliance, or to those shootings of stars, eclipses of the moon, bowlings of dogs, mSTORT OF NmV YORK. 181 and flarings of candles carefully noted and interpreted by the oracular sybils of our day, who, in my humble opinion, are the legitimate inheritors and preservers of the ancient science of divination. This much is certain, that Governor Stuyvesant succeeded to the chair of state at a turbulent period, when foes thronged and threatened from without, when anarchy and stiff-necked opposition reigned rampant within, when the authority of their High Might- inesses the Lords States General, though supported by economy and defended by speeches, protests, and procla- mations, yet tottered to its very center ; and when the great city of New Amsterdam, though fortified by flag- staffs, trumpeters, and windmills, seemed, like some fair lady of easy virtue, to lie open to attack and ready to yield to the first invader. HiaiVRT OF NEW YORK. CHAPTER II. snowrxG now pi:teu the headsthong bestihkkd him- SKLF AMON(i THE UAT8 AND COHWEUS ON' ENTEKlN(i INTO OFFICE, HIS IXTEKVIEW WITH ANTONY THE TIU MI'ETEU, AND HIS PEKILOIS MEDDLING WITH THE CUHKENCY. The very first moveineiits of the great Peter on taking the reigns of government disphiyed his magnanimity, tliongli they occasioned not a little marvel and uneasiness among the people of the Manhattoes. Finding himself constantly interru})ted by the opposition and annoyed by the advice of hirf privy council, the members of which had accpiired the unreasonable habit of thinking and s})eaking for themselves during the preceding reign, he deter«)ined at once to put a stop to such grievous abominations. Scarcely, therefore, had he entered upon his authority than he turned out of office all the meddlesome spirits of the factious cabinet of William the'I'esty, in ])laceof whom he chose unto himself counselors from those fat, somnifer- ous, respectaijle burghers who had floui'ished and slum- bered nnder the easy reign of Walter the Doubter. All these he '^•aused to be furnished with abundance of fair long pipes and to be regaled with frequent corporation din- ners, admonishing them to smoke and eat and sleep for the good of tiie nation, while he took the burden of govern- ment upon his own shoulders — an arrangement to which they all gave hearty acquiescence. Xor did he stop here, but made a hideous route among the inventions and expedients of his learned predecessor — rooting up his patent gallows, where caititi vagabonds were suspended by the waistband; demolishing his flagstaffs and windmills, which, like mighty giants, guarded the ramparts of New Amsterdam; pitching to the duyvel whole batteries of quaker guns; and. in a word, turning topsy-turvy tlie whole philosophic, economic, and windmill system of the immortal sage of Saardam. BISTOnr OF NEW YORK. 183 Tlie honest folk of Kew Amsterdam began to quake now for the fate of their matchless champion, Antony the Trumpeter, who had acquired prodigious favor in the eyes of the women by means of his whiskers and his trumpet. Him did Peter the Headstrong cause to be brought into his presence, and, eyeing him for a moment from head to foot with a countenance that would have appalled anything else than a sounder of brass, Pry'thee, who and what art thou ?" said he. Sire,^^ replied the other, in no wise dismayed, '•'for my name, it is Anthony Van Corlear; for my parent- age, I am the son of my mother; for my profession, 1 am champion and garrison of this great city of Xew Amster- dam." I doubt me much," said Peter Stuyvesant, " that thou art some scurvy costard-n)onger knave; how didst thou acquire this paramount honor and dignity ? " Marry sir," replied the other, like many a great man before me — sim- ply hij sounding my own trumpet.'^ "'Ay is it so? " quoth the governor; " wliy then let us have a relish of thy art. Whereupon the good Antony put his instrument to his lips and sounded a charge with such a tremendous outset, such a delectable quaver, and such a triumphant cadence that it was enough to make one's heart leap out of one's moutli only to be within a mile of it. Like as a warworn charger, grazing in peaceful plains, starts at a strain of martial music, pricks up his ears, and snorts and paws and kin- dles at the noise, so did the heroic Peter joy to hear the clangor of the trumpet; for of him might truly be said what was recorded of the renowned St. George of England " there was nothing in all the world that more rejoiced his heart than to hear the j^leasant sound of war and see the soldiers brandish forth their steeled weapons." Casting his eye more kindly, therefore, upon the sturdy Van Corlear, and finding him to be a jovial varlet, shrewd in his dis- course, yet of great discretion and immeasurable wind, he straightway conceived a vast kindness for him, and, dis- charging him from the troublesome duty of garrisoning, defending, and alarming the city, ever after retained him about his person as his chief favorite, confidential envoy, and trusty squire. Instead of disturbing the city with disastrous notes, he was instructed to play so as to de- light the governor while at his repasts, as did the min- strels of yore in the days of glorious chivalry, and on all public occasions to rejoice the ears of the people with 184 lIISTOUy OF NEW YOllK. warlike melody, thereby kee])iiig alive a noble and martial spirit. But the measure of the valiant Peter which produced the greatest agitation in the community was hishning his hand upon the currency. He had old-fashioned notions in favor of gold and silver, which he considered the true standards of wealth and mediums of commerce, and one of his first edicts was that all duties to government should be ]>aid in those precious metals, and that seawant, or wampum, should no longer be a legal tender. Here was a blow at })ul)lic prus})eiity I All those who speculated on the rise and fall of this liuctuating currency found their calling at an end; those, too, who had hoarded Indian money by barrels full found their capital shrunk in amount; but, above all, the Yankee traders, wlio were accus- tomed to tlood the nnirket with newly-coined oyster-shells and to abstract Dutch Fiierchandise in exchange, weie loud- mouthed in decrying this "tampering with the currency.'' It was clipi)iiig the wings of commerce; it was checking the development of ])ublic ))rosperity; trade would be at an end; goods would molder on the shelves; grain would rot in the granaries; grass would grow in the market-place. In a word, no one who has not heard the outcries and bowl- ings of a modern Tarshish at any check npon " paper money " can have any idea of the clamor against Peter the Headstrong for checking the circulation of oyster- shells. In fact, trade did shrink into narrower channels, but then the stream was deej) as it was broad; the lionest Dutchmen sold less goods, but then they got the worth of them, either in silver and gold, or in codfish, tin-ware, apple-brandy, Weathersfield onions, wooden bowls, and other articles of Yankee barter. The ingenious people of the east, however, indemnified themselves in another way for having to abandon the coinage of oyster-shells, for about this time we are told that wooden nutmegs made their first appearance in Xew Amsterdam, to the great annoy- ance of the Dutch housewives. NOTE. From a manuscript record of the province, Lib. N. Y. Hist. So- ciety. — We have been unable to render your inhabitants wiser and pre- vent their being further imposed upon than to declare absolutely and peremptorily that henceforward seawant shall be bullion — not BtSTORT OF NEW YORK. 185 longer admissible in trade, without any value, as it is indeed. So that every one may be upon Lis guard to barter no longer away bis wares and merchandises for these bubbles — at least not to accept them at a higher rate or in a larger quantity than as they may want them in their trade with the savages. In this way your English [Yankee] neighbors shall no longer be enabled to draw the best wares and merchandises from our country for nothing — the beavers and furs not accepted. This has indeed long since been insufferable, although it ought chiefly to be imputed to the imprudent penuriousness of our own merchants and inhabitants who, it is to be hoped, shall through the abolition of this seawant become wiser and more prudent. 2Wi January, 1662. Seawant falls into disrepute — duties to be paid in silver coin. I 18G msTour OF li'EW York. CIIAPTEU HI now THE YANKKK M:A(UK WAXKI) MOKK AND MOIiK I'otknt; AM) now it outwittkd the (iooo j'kthii IN TKEATY-MAK1N(;. Now, IT ('{itnc to pjiss tliut wliile Petor Stiiyvosaiit was busy reguhitiiig the iiitei-nal alTairs of his dornjiin tlio great '^'aiikee league, whicli liad caused such triljulation to W'illiaui and 'i'esty, continued to increase in extent and power. The grand Ampliictyonic council of the league was held at l^oston. wheie it spun a web which threatened to link within it all the mighty princi{)alities and ])owers of the east, 'i'he object })ruposed by this formidable ''om- bination was mutual protection and defense against their savage neighbors; but all the world knows the real aim was to form a grand crusade against the Nieuw Nederlandts and to get possession of tlie city of the Man- hattoes — as devout an object of enterprise and ambition to the Yankees as was ever the capture of Jerusalem to ancient crusaders. In the very year following the inauguration of Govei'nor Stuyvesant a grand dei)utation departed from the city of Providence (famous for its dusty streets and beauteous women), in behalf of the plantation of Rhode Island, pray- ing to be admitted into the league. The following minute of this deputation appears in the ancient records of the council:* "Mr. Will. Cottington and Captain Partridg of Iihoode Island presented this insewing request to the commission- ers in wrighting — "Our request and motion is in behalfe of Rhoode Hand, that wee the Ilandei's of Rhoode-Iland may be rescauied *Haz. Col. Stat. Pap. BISTORT OF NEW YORK. into combination with all the united colonyes of New Eng- land in a firme and perpetual league of friendship and amity of ofence and defence, mutuall advice and succor upon all just occasions for our mutuall safety and well- faire, etc. "Will. Cottington, '^Alicxsander Partridg." There was certainly something in the very physiognomy of this document that might well inspire apprehension. The name of Alexander, however misspelt, has been war- like in every age, and though its fierceness is in some meas- ure softened by being coupled with the gentle cognomen of Partridge, still, like the color of scarlet, it bears an ex- ceeding great resemblance to the sound of a trumpet. From the style of the letter, moreover, and the soldier-like igno- rance of orthography displayed by the noble Captain Alicx- sander Partridg in spelling his own name, we may picture to ourselves this mighty man of Rliodes, strong in arms, potent in the field, and as gi-eat a scholar as though he had been educated among that learned people of Tlirace who, Aristotle assures us, could not count beyond the number four. The result of this great Yankee league was augmented audacity on the part of the moss-troopers of Connecticut, pushing their encroachments farther and farther into the territories of their High Mightinesses, so that even the in- habitants of New Amsterdam began to draw short breath and to find themselves exceedingly cramped for elbow- room. Peter Stuyvesant was not a man to submit quietly to such intrusions; his first impulse was to march at once to the frontier and kick these squatting Yankees out of the country; but bethinking himself in time that he was now a governor and legislator, the policy of the statesman for once cooled the fire of the old soldier and he determined to try his hand at negotiation. A correspondence accordingly ensued between him and the grand council of the league, and it was agreed that commissioners from either side should meet at Hartford to settle boundaries, adjust grievances, and establish a ^'perpetual and happy peace. The commissioners on tliC part of the Manhattoes were chosen, according to immemorial usage of that venerable 188 mSTOIlY OF NEW YORK. metropolis, from aiiion^,^ the 'Svisest and weightiest, men of tlie corniminity; that is to say men with the oldest lieads and heaviest })0cket8. Among tliese sages the vet- eran navigator, Hans Reinier Oothout, who had made such extensive discoveries during the timeof Oloffe the Di eamer, was looked up to as an oracle in all matters of tlie kind, and he was ready to produce the very spy-glass with which he first spied the nnjutli of the (Connecticut River from his masthead; and all the world knows that the discovery of the mouth of a river gives prior right to all the lands drained by its waters. It was with feelings of pride and exultation that the good people of the Manhattoes saw two of the richest and most ponderous burghers departing on this embassy — men whose word on 'Change was oracular, and in whose pres- ence no poor man ventured to appear without taking off liis hat: when it was seen, too, that the veteran Reinier Oothout accompanied them with his spy-glass under his arm, all the old men and old women predicted that men of such weight, with such evidence, would leave the Yankees no alternative but to pack up their tin kettles and wooden wares, put wife and children in a cart, and abandcjn all the lands of their High .Mightinesses on which they had squatted. In truth, the commissioners sent to Hartford by the league seemed in nowise calculated to compete with men of such capacity. They were two lean Yankee lawyers, litigious-looking varlets, and evidently men of no sub- stance, since they had no rotundity in the belt and there was no jingling of money in tlieir pockets; it is true, they had longer heads than the Dutchmen, but if the heads of the latter were flat on top, they were broad at bottom, and what was wanting in height of forehead was made up by a double chin. The negotiation turned as usual upon the good old cor- nerstone of original discovery, according to the principle that he who first s-^es a new country has an unquestionable right to it. This being admitted, the veteran Oothout at a concerted signal stepped forth in the assembly with the identical tarpaulin spy-glass in his hand with which he had discovered the mouth of the Connecticut, while the worthy Dutch commissioners lolled back in their chairs, secretly chuckling at the idea of having for once got the HISTORY OF NEW YORK. 189 weather-gage of the Yankees; but what was their dismay when the latter produced a Nantucket whaler with a spy- glass twice as long with which he discovered the whole coast quite down to the Manhattoes, and so crooked that he had spied with it up the whole course of the Connecti- cut River. This principal pushed home, therefore, the Yankees had a right to the whole country bordering on the sound; nay, the city of Xew Amsterdam was a mere Dutch squatting-place on their territories. I forbear to dwell npon the confusion of the worthy Dutch commissioners at finding their main pillar of proof thus knocked from under them; neither will I pretend to describe the consternation of tlie wise men at the Manhat- toes when they learnt how their commissioners had been out-trumped by the Yankees, and how the latter pretended to claim to the very gates of Xew Amsterdam. Long was the negotiation protracted and long was the public mind kept in a state of anxiety. Tiiere are two modes of settling boundary questions when the claims of the opposite parties are irreconcilable. One is by an appeal to arms, in wiiich case the weakest party is apt to lose its right and get a broken head into the bargain; the other mode is by compromise or mutual concession; that is to say, one party cedes half of its claims, and the other party half of its rights; he who grasps most gets most, and the whole is pronounced an equitable division, ^'perfectly hon- orable to both parties." The latter mode was adopted in tlie present instance. The Yankees gave up claims to vast tracts of the Nieuw Xederlandts which they had never seen, and all right to the island of Manna-hatta and the city of New Amsterdam, to which they had no right at all; while the Dutch, in return, agreed that the Yankees should retain possession of the frontier places where they had squatted and of both sides of the Connecticut River. When the news of this treaty arrived at New Amsterdam the whole city was in an uproar of exultation. The old women rejoiced that there was to be no war, the old men that their cabbage-gardens were safe from invasion, while the political sages pronounced the treaty a great triumph over the l^ankees, considering how much they had claimed and how little they had been "fobbed off with.'' And now my worthy reader is doubtless, like the great I UmVRY OF NEW YOllK. and good Peter, coiignituliitin<^ liiiiiself with the idea tliat liis feelings will no longer be liarassed by aHlicting details of stolen horses, Ijroken lieads, impounded iiogs, and all the other catalogue of heartrending cruelties that dis- graced these border wars. But if he should indulge in such expectations, it is a proof that he is but little versed in the paradoxical ways of cabinets; to convince him of which 1 solicit his serious attention to my next chapter, wherein I will show that Peter Stuyvesant has already committed a great error in i)olitics, and by etfect- ing a peace has materially hazarded the trancpnlity of the province. BISTORT OF NEW YORK. lyi CHAPTER IV. COXTAIXIXG DIVERS SPECULATIONS OX WAR AXD NEGO- TIATIOXS — SHOWIXG THAT A TREATY OF PEACE IS A GREAT XATIOXAL EVIL. It was tlie opinion of that poetical philosopher, Lucre- tius, that war was the original state of man, whom he de- scribed as being primitively a savage beast of prey engaged in a constant state of hostility with his own species, and that this ferocious spirit was tamed and ameliorated by so- ciety. The same opinion has been advocated by Hobbes,* nor have there been u'anting many other philosophers to admit and defend it. For my part, though prodigiously fond of these valuable speculations, so complimentary to human nature, yet in this instance I am inclined to take the proposition by halves, believing that Iloracef that though war may have been originally the favorite amusement and industrious employment of our progenitors, yet, like many other excel- lent habits, so far from being ameliorated, it lias been cul- tivated and confirmed by refinement and civilization, and increases in exact proportion as we approach toward that state of perfection wliich is the ne 2)ht merijly the refusal of Massachusetts to join in their unholy crusade tliat c(nifounded the councils of the league, for about tliis time broke out in the New- England provinces the awful plague of witchcraft, whi(di spread like pestilence through the land. Such a liowling abomination could not be suffered to remain long un- noticed ; it soon excited the fiery in(iigmition of those guard- ians of tiie commonwealth who whilom had evinced such active benevolence in the conversion of Quakers and Ana- baptists. The grand council of the league ])ublicly set their faces against theciwme, and bloody laws weie emicted against all "solemn conversing or compacting with the devil by the way of conjuracion or the like/'* Strict search too was nuule after witches, who were easily detected by deviTs pinches, by being able to wee}) but three tears, and those out of the left eye, and by having a most sus- picious predilection for black cats and broomsticks ! What is particularly worthy of admiration is, that this terrible art, which has baffled the studies and researches of })hi- losopliers, astrologers, theurgifits, and other sages was chiefly confined to the most ignorant, decrepit, aiul ugly old women in the community, with scarce more brains than the broomsticks they rode u})on. When once an alarm is sounded the public, who dearly love to be in a panic, are always ready to keep it up. Raise but the cry of yellow fever, and immediately every head- ache, indigestion, and overflowing of the bile is pi-onounced the terrible epidemic; cry out mad dog, and every unlucky cur in the street is in Jeopardy ; so in the present instance, whoever was troubled with a colic or lumbago was sure to be bewitched, and woe to any unlucky old woman living in the neighborhood I * New Plymouth record. HISTORY OF NEW YORK. 209 It is iHcredible the uuiiiber of offenses that were detected, ^'for every oue of which/' says the Reverend Cotton Matlier, in that excellent work, the History of JS^ew England, we have snch a sufficient evidence that no reasonable man in this whole country ever did question them ; cduI it luill he unreasonable to do it in any otlier."^ Indeed, that authentic and judicious historian, John Josselyn, Gent., furnishes us with unquestionable facts on this subject. There are none, observes lie/ ^ that beg- in this country, but there be witches too man}' — bottle- bellied witches and others, that produce many strange apparitions, if you will believe report of a shallop at sea manned with women — and of a ship and great red horse standing by the main-mast ; the ship being in a small cove to the eastward vanished of a sudden, '' etc. The number of delinquents, however, and their magical devices, were not more remarkable than their diabolical obstinacy. Though exhorted in the most solemn, persua- sive, and affectionate manner to confess themselves guilty and be burnt for the good of religion and the e tertain- ment of the public, yet did tliey most pertinaciously per- sist in asserting their innocence. Such incredible obstinacy was in itself deserving of immediate punishment, and was sufficent proof, if proof were necessary, that they wei"e in league with t\>Q devil, who is perverseness itself. But their judges were just and merciful, and were determined to pun- ish none that were not convicted on the best of testimony, not that they needed any evidence to satisfy their own minds; for, like true and experienced judges, their minds were per- fectly made up, and they were thoroughly satisfied of the guilt of the prisoners before they proceeded to try them; but still, something was necessary to convince the commu- nity at large — to quiet those prying quidnuncs who should come after them; in short, the world must be satisfied. Oh the world! the world! all the world knows the world of trouble the world is eternally occasioning! The worthy judges, therefore, were driven to the necessity of sifting, detecting, and making evident as noonday matters which were at the commencement all clearly understood and firm- ly decided upon in their own pericraniums; so that it may truly be said that the witches were burnt to gratify the * Mather's Hist. New Eng. B. 6. ch. 7. 210 HISTORY OF NEW YORK. populace of the day, but were tried for the satisfaction of tlie wliole world that should come after them! Finding, therefore, that neither exhortation, sound rea- son, nor friendly entreaty had any avail on these hardened offenders, they resorted to the more urgent arguments of torture; and having thus absolutely wrung the truth from their stubl)orn lips, they condemned them to undergo the roasting due unto the heinous crimes they had confessed. ►Some even carried their })erversent'ss so far as to ex])ire under the torture, protesting their innocence to the last; but these were looked u])on as thoroughly and absolutely possessed by the devil, and the pious bystanders only la- mented tliat tliey had not lived a little longer to have per- ished in the flames. In the city of Ephesus we are told that the plague was exi)elled by stoning a ragged old begger to death whom Apollonius pointed out as being the evil spirit that caused it, and who actually showed himself to be a demon by changing into a shagged dog In like immner and by measures equally sagacious a salutary check was given to this growing evil. The witches were all burnt, banished, or panic-struck, and in a little while there was not an ugly old woman to be found throughout New England; which is doubtless one reason why all the young women there are so handsome. Those honest folk who had suffered from their incantations gradually recovered — exce})ting such as had been afflicted with twitches and aches, which however, assumed tlie less alarming aspects of rheumatisms, sciatics, and lumbagoes — and the good people of New England, abandoning the study of the occult sciences, turned their attention to the more profitable hocus-pocus of trade, and soon became expert in the legerdemain art of turning a pen- ny. Still, however, a tinge of the old leaven is discern- ible even unto this day in their characters: witches oc- casionally start up among them in different disguises, as physicians, civilians, and divines. The people at large show a keenness, a cleverness, and a profundity of wisdom that savors strongly of witchcraft; and it has been remarked that whenever any stones fall from the moon the greater part of them is sure to tumble into New England. HISTORY OF NEW YORK, CHAPTER IX. WHICH RECORDS THE RISE AXD RENOWN OF A MILITARY COMMANDER, SHOAVING THAT A MAN, LIKE A BLADDER, MAY BE PUFFED UP TO GREATNESS BY MERE WIND; TO- GETHER WITH THE CATASTROPHE OF A VETERAN AND HIS QUEUE. When treating of these tempestuous times the unknown writer of the Stiiyvesant manuscript breaks out into an apostrophe in praise of the good St. Nicholas, to wliose protecting care lie ascribes the dissensions which broke out in the council of the league and the direful witchcraft wdiich filled all Yankee land as with Egyptian darkness. A portentous gloom, says he, hung lowering over the fair valleys of the east: the pleasant banks of the Connecticut no longer echoed to the sounds of rustic gayety; grisly phantoms glided about each wild brook and silent glen; fearful apparitions were seen in the air; strange voices were heard in solitary places; and the border towns were so occupied in detecting and punishing losel witches that, for a time, all talk of war was suspended, and Xew Am- sterdam and its inhabitants seemed to be totally forgot- ten. 1 must not conceal the fact that at one time there was some danger of this plague of witchcraft extending into the New Netherlands, and certain witches mounted on broomsticks are said to have been seen whisking in the air over some of the Dutch villages near the borders; but the worthy Nederlandters took the precaution to nail horse- shoes to their doors, which it is well known are effectual barriers against all diabolical vermin of the kind. Many of those horseshoes maybe seen at this very day on ancient mansions and barns remaining from the days of the patri- archs; nay, the custom is still kept up among some of our legitimate Dutch yeomanry, who inherit from their fore- HISTORY OF NEW YORK, fathers a desire to keep witclies and Yankees out of the country. And now the great Peter, having no immediate hostility to appreliend fiom tlie east, turned liis faee with charac- teristic vigihmce to liis southern frontiers. Tlie attentive reader will rec(jllect that certain freebooting Swedes had become very troublesome in this quarter in the latter })art of the ifigu of William the 'JY'sty, setting at naught the })r()('lamaLi()ns of that veritable i)ot(Mitate, and })utting his admiial, the intrcj)id Jan Jansen Alpendam, to a perfect n()n])lus. To check tlie incursions of these Swedes, J'eter Stuyvesaut now ordered a force to that frontier, givir.g the command of it to (ieneral Jacobus Van rofTenburgh, an otlicer who had risen to great importance during tiie reign of Willielmus Kieft. lie had, if liistories speak ti'ue, been second in command to the doughty Van Curlet when lie and his warrioi-s were inhumaidy kicked out of P^ort Goed Hoop by the Yankees. In that memorable affair Van Pof- fenbui'gh is said to have received moie kicks in a certain lionorable })art than any of his comrades, in consequence of which, on the resignation of \'an Curlet, he had been l)romoted to his [)lace, being considered a liero who had seen service and suffered in his country's cause. It is tropically observed by honest old Socrates that heaven infuses into some men at their birth a portion of intellectual gold; into others of intellectual silver, while others are intellectually fui'iiished with iron and brass. Of the last class was General Van PofTenburgh, and it would seem as if Dame Nature, who will sometimes be partial, had given him brass enough for a dozen ordinary bi-aziers. All this he had contrived to pass off upon William the Testy for genuine gold, and the little governor would sit for hours and listen to his gunpowder stories of exploits, which left those of Tirante the White, Don Belianis of Greece, or St. George and the Dragon quite in the buck- ground. Having been promoted by William Kieft to the command of his whole disposable forces, he gave importance to his station by the grandiloquence of his bulletins, always styling himself commander-in-chief of the armies of the Kew Netherlands, though, in sober truth, these armies were nothing more than a handful of hen-stealing, bottle-bruis- ing ragamuflfins. In person he was not very tall, but exceedingly round; msTORT OF NEW YORK. 213 neither did his balk proceed from his being fat, but windy, being blown up by a prodigious conviction of his own im- portance until he resembled one of those bags of wind given by ^olus, in an incredible fit of generosity, to that vagabond warrior, Ulysses. His windy endowments had long excited the a.sing salute; they rolled their drums, they llourished their lifes, and they waved their colors; they faced to the left and they faced to the right, and they faced to the right about; they whcLkd forward, and they wheeled backward, and they wheeled into t'r//r/o// ; they mjirched and they countermarched, by grand divi.-ions, by single divisions, and by subdivisions, by })latoons, Ijy sections, and by tiles; in quick time, in slow time, and in no time at all; for, having gone through all the evolutions of two gieat armies, including the eighteen manonivres of Dundas, having exhausted all that they could recollect or imagine of military tactics, including sundry strange and irregular evolutions the like of which were never seen before nor since excepting among certain of our newly-raitied militia, the two commanders and their respective troops came at length to a dead halt, completely exhausted by the toils of war. Never did two valiant train-band captains or two buskined theatric heroes in the renowned tragedies of Pizarro, U'om Thumb, or any other heroical and fighting tragedy marshal their gallows-looking, duck-legged, iieavy-heeled myrmidons with more glory and self-admiration. These military compliments being finished, General Van Poffenburgli escorted his illustrious visitor, with great cere- mony, into the fort, attended him throughout the foi tifi- cations, showed him the hoin-works, crown-works, half- moons, and various other outworks, or rather the places where they ought to be erected, and where they might be erected if he pleased, plaiidy demonstrating that it was a place of ''great capability," and though at present but a little redoubt, yet that it was evidently a formidable fortress in embryo. This survey over, he next had the whole gar- rison put under arms, exercised, and reviewed, and con- cluded by ordering the three bridewell birds to be hauled out of the black hole, brought up to the halberds, and soundly flogged, for the amusement of his visitor and to convince him that he was a great disciplinarian. The cuuning Kisiugh, while he pretended to be struck HISTORY OF NEW YORK. 226 dumb outright with the puissance of the great Viin Poffen- burgh, took silent note of the incompetency of his garrison, of which he gave a wink to his trusty folh:)\vers, who tipped each other the wink and laughed most obstreperously— in their sleeves. The inspection, review, and flogging being concluded, the party adjourned to the table; for among liis other great qualities the general was remarkably addicted to huge carousals, and in one afternoon's campaign would leave more dead men„ on tlie field than he ever did in tlie whole course of his military career. Many bulletins of these bloodless victories do still remain on record, and the whole province was once thrown in amaze by the return of one of his campaigns, wherein it was stated that though, like Captain Bobadil, he liad only twenty men to back him, yet in the short space of six months he had conquered and utterly annihilated sixty oxen, ninety hogs, one hun- dred sheep, ten thousand cabbages, one thousand bushels of potatoes, one hundred and fifty kilderkins of small beer, two thousand seven hundred and thirty-five pipes, seventy-eight pounds of sugar-j^lums, and forty bars of iron, besides sundry small meats, game, poultry, and gar- den-stutf — an achievement unparalleled since the days .:f Pantagruel and his all-devoui'ing army, and which showed that it, was only necessary to let Van Poffenbui'gh and his garrison loose in an enemy's country, and in a little while they would breed a famineand starve all the in- iiabitants. Xo sooner, therefore, had the general received intima- tion of the visit of Governor Risingh than he ordered a great dinner to be prepared, and privately sent out a de- tachment of his most experienced veterans to rob all the hen-roosts in the neighborhood and lay the pig-sties under contribution — a service which they discharged with such zeal and promptitude that the garrison table groari^d under the weight of their spoils. 1 wish, with all my heart, my readers could see the val- iant Van Poffenburgh as he presided at the head of the banquet ; it was a sight worth beholding. There he sat, in his greatest glory, surrounded by his soldiers, like that famous wine-bibber, Alexander, whose thirsty virtues he did most ably imitate — telling astounding stories of his hair-breadth adventures and heroic exploits ; at which. niSTOR Y OF NE W YORK. tii(Hi(;li ill! liin iuiditors knew tliein to be incoiiLineiit lies jiiid outrageous guscoiunloes, yet did tliey oast up their eyes in aduiiration and utter many interjections of ;ist(in- islirnent. Nor couM the general pronounce anything that bore the remotest resemblance to a joke but the stout liisingh would strike his brawny fist upo!i the table till (!V(Ty glass rattled again, throw hifiiself back in the chaii*, utter gigantic peals of langhtei', and swear most horribly it was the best joke lie ever heard in his life. Thus all was rout and revelry and hideous (-irousal within F(jrt Casimir, and so lustily did Van PolTenbuigh ply the bottle that in less than four sh(jrt hours he niade himself and his whole garrison, who all sedulously emulated the deeds of their cliieftain, dead drunk with singing songs, quailing bumpers, and drinking ])atriotic toasts, iKjue of which but was as long as a Welsh pedigree or a plea in chan(;ery. No sooner did things come to this pass than Uisiiigli and Ills Swedes, who had cunningly kept themselves sober, r(jse on their entertaineis, tied them neck and heels, and took formal possession of the fort and all its dependencies in the name of Queen Christina of Sweden, atlministering at the same time an oath of allegiance to all the Dutch soldiei's who could be made sober enough to swalhjw it. IJisingh then put the fortilications in order, appointed his discreet and vigilant friend Suen Schiite, otherwise called Skytte, a tall, wind-dried, water-drinking Swede, to the command, and dej)arted, bearing with him this truly amiable garrison and its puissant comnumder; who, when brought to him- self by a sound drubbing, bore no little resemblance to a '* (leboslied tisli or bloated sea-monster caught u[)on dry land. The transportation of the garrison was done to jirevent the transmission of intelligence to New Amsterdam; for, much as Jhe cunning Kisingh exulted in his sti-atagem, yet did he dread the vengeance of the sturdy Peter Stuyvesaiit, whose name spread as much terror in the neighborhood as did whiloni that of the unconquerable Scanderbeg among the scurvy enemies the Turks. HISTORY OF NEW YORK, CHAPTER III. SHOWING HOW PROFOUND SECRETS ARE OFTEN BROUGHT TO LIGHT; WITH THE PROCEEDINGS OF PETER THE HEADSTRONG WHEN HE HEARD OF THE MISFORTUNES OF GENERAL VAN POFFENBURGH. Whoever first described common Fame or Rumor as belonging to the sager sex was a very owl for shrewdness. She has, in truth, certain feminine qualities to an astonish- ing degree, particularly that benevolent anxiety to take care of the affairs of others wliich keeps her continually huntiug after secrets and gadding about proclaiming them. Whatever is done openly and in the face of the world she takes but transient notice of; but whenever a transaction is done in a corner and attempted to be shrouded in mys- tery, then her goddess-ship is at her wit's end to find it out, and takes a most mischievous and lady-like pleasure in pub- lishing it to the world. It is this truly feminine propensity which induces her continually to be prying into the cabinets of princes, list- ening at the keyholes of senate-chambers, and peering through chinks and crannies when our w^ortliy Congress are sitting with closed doors deliberating between a dozen excellent modes of ruining the nation. It is this which makes her so baneful to all w^ary statesmen and intriguing commanders — such a stumbling-block to private negotia- tions and secret expeditions, betraying them by means and instruments which never would have been thought of by any but a female head. Thus it was in the case of the affair of Fort Casimir. No doubt the cunning Risingh imagined that by securing the garrison he should for a long time prevent the history of its fate from reaching the ears of the gallant Stuyvesant; but his exploit was blown to the world when he least ex- pected, and by one of the last beings he would ever have 22S niSTORr OF NEW YORK. suspected, of enlisting us trumj^eter to tlie wide mouthed deity. This was one Dirk Schuiler (or Skulker), a kind of lianger-on to the garrison, who seemed to belong to nobody and in a manner to be self-outlawed. He was one of thor;e vagabond cosmopolites who shark about the world as if they had no light or business in it, aful who infest the skirts of society liki; ])()achers and interlopers. Eveiy garrison and country village has one or more scajiegoats of this kind, wh(»sc life is a kiml of enigma, whose existence is without motive, who comes from the Lord knows where, wiio lives the Lord knows how, and who seems created for no other earthly purpose but to keep up the ancient and honoraljlc order of idleness. 'JMiis vagiant philosopher was BU2)posed to have some Indian blood in his veins, which was numi- fested by a certain Iiuliaii complexion and cast off counte- nance, but uiore eppeeially by his propensities and habits, lie was a tall, huik fellow, swift of foot and long-wiiuled. lie was generally equipped in a half Indian-diess, with belt, leggings, and moccasins. His hair hung in straight gallows locks about his ears, and added not a little to his shaiking demeanor. It is an old remark that i)ersons of Indian mixture are half civilized, half savage, and half devil — a third half being provided for their particular convenience. It is for similar reasons, and probably with equjd truth, that the backwoodsmen of Kentucky are styled half man, half horse, ami half alligator by the settlers on the Mis- sissippi, and held accordingly in great respect and abhor- rence. The above character may have presented itself to the garrison as api)licable to Dirk Schuiler, whom they famili- arly dubbed Gallows Dii'k. Cerlain it is, he acknowledged allegiance to no one — was an utter enemy to work, holding it in no manner of estimation, but lounging about the fort depending upon chance for a subsistence, getting drunk whenever he could get liquor, and stealing whatever he could lay h;s hands on. Every day or two he was sure to get a sound rib-roasting for some of his misdemeanors; which, however, as it broke no bones, he made very light of, and scrupled not to repeat the offense whenever another opportunity presented. Sometimes, inconsequence of some flagrant villainy, he would abscond fi'om the garrison and be absent for a month at a time, skulking about the woods HISTORY OF NEW YORK. 229 and swamps with a long fowling-piece on liis shoulder, lying in ambush for game, or squatting himself down on the edge of a pond catching fish for hours together, and bearing no little resemblance to that notable bird of the crane family ycleped the nnulpoke. When he thought his crimes had been forgotten or forgiven he w^ould sneak back to the fort with a bundle of skins or a load of poultry, which, perchance, he had stolen, and wouhl exchange tliem for liquor, with which having well soaked his carcass, he would lie in the sun and enjoy all the luxurious indolence of that swinish philosopher Diogenes. He was the terror of all the farmyards in the country, into which he made fearful inroads; and sometimes he woukl make his sudden appearance in the garrison at daybreak with the whole neighborhood at his heels, like the scoundrel thief of a fox detected in his maraudings and hunted to his hole. Such was this Dirk Schuiler, and from the total inditference he showed to the world and its concerns, and from his truly Indian stoicism and taciturnity, no one would ever have dreamt that he would have been the publisher of the treachery of Kisingh. When the carousal was going on which proved so fatal to the brave Poffenbargh and his watchful garrison, Dirk skulked about from room to room, being a kind of privi- leged vagrant or useless hound whom nobody noticed. But, though a fellow of few words, yet, like your taciturn people, his eyes and ears were always open, and in the course of his prowlings he overheard the whole plot of the Swedes. Dirk immediately settled in his own mind how he should turn the matter to his own advantage. He played the perfect jack-of-both-sides — that is to say, he made a prize of everything that came in his reach, robbed both parties, stuck the copper-bound cocked hat of the puissant Van Poffenburgh on his head, whipped a huge pair of Risingh's jack-boots under his arms, and took to his heels just before the catastrophe and confusion at the garrison. Finding himself completely dislodged from his haunt in this quarter, he directed his flight toward his native place, New Amsterdam, whence he had formerly been obliged to abscond precipitately in consequence of misfort- une in business; that is to say having been detected in the act of sheep-stealing. After wandering many days in 230 UISTORY OF NEW YORK. the woods, toiliii;,' through .sw.iiiip.s, fijrdiiig brooks, swirii- niiiig various rivers, and eneoimteriiig ii world of liiirdsliips that would have killed any other being but an Indian, a backwoodsman, or the devil, he at length arrived, half- famished and lank as a starved weasel, at Communipaw, where he stole a canoe and paddled over to New Amster- dam. Immediately on landing he lopaired to (Jovernor Stuyvesant, and in more woi'ds than he had ever spoken before in the whole course of his life gave an account of the disastrous alTair. On receiving these direful tidings the valiant l^'ter started from his seat, dashed the })ipe he was smoking against the back of the chimney, thrust a prodigious fpiid of tobacco into his k*ft cheek, pulling up his galligaskins, and strode up and down the room, luimming, as was cus- tonniry with him when in a passion, a hideous north-west ditty. I3iit, as I have before shown, he was not a man to vent his s})leen in idle va})oring. His first measure, after the paroxysm of wrath had subdued, was to stump up stairs to a huge woo(ien cliest which served as his armory, from whence he drew forth that identical suit of regi- mentals described in the ])receding chapter. In tliese por- tentous habiliments he airayed himself, like Achilles in the armor of Vulcan, maintaining all the while an appall- ing silence, knitting his brows, and drawing his breath through his clinched teeth. Being hastily ecpnpped, he strode down into the parlor and jerked down his trusty sword from over the tireplace, where it was usually sus- pended: but before he girded it on his thigh he drew it from its scabbard, and as his eye coursed along the rusty blade, a grim sinile stole over his iron visage: it was the first smile that had visited his countenance for five long weeks, but every one who beheld it prophesied that there would soon be warm work in the province. Thus armed at all points, with grisly war depicted in each feature, his very cocked hat assuming an air of un- common defiance, he instantly put himself upon the alert, and dispatched Antony Vaii Corlear hither and thither, this way and that way, through all the muddy streets and crooked lanes of the city, summoning by sound of trumpet his trusty peers to assemble in instant council. This done, by way of expediting matters, according to the custom of people in a hurry, he kept in continual bustle, shifting HISTORY OF NEW YORK, 231 from cliair to chair, popping his head out of every window, and stumping up and down stairs with his wooden leg in such brisk and incessant motion that, as we are informed by an authentic historian of the times, the continual clatter bore no small resemblance to the music of a cooper hoop- ing a flour-barrel. A summons so peremptory and from a man of the gover- nor's mettle was not to be trifled with: the sages forthwith repaired to the council-chamber, seated themselves with the utmost tranquility, and, lighting their long pipes, gazed with unruffled composure on His Excellency and his regi- mentals, being, as all counsellors should be, not easily flus- tered nor taken by surprise. The governor, looking around for a moment witli a lofty and soldier-like air, and resting one hand on the pommel of his sword ami flinging the other forth in a free and spirited manner, addressed them in a short but soul-stirring harangue. I am extremely sorry that I have not the advantages of Livy, Thucydides, Plutarch, and others of my predecessors, who were furnished, as I am told, with the speeches of all their heroes, taken downi in short-hand by the most accur- ate stenographers of the time, whereby they were enabled woiulerfuUy to enrich their histories and delight their readers witii sublime strains of eloquence. Not having such irnportiiint auxiliaries, I cannot possibly pronounce what was the tenor of Governor Stnyvesant's speech. I am bold, however, to say, from the tenor of his character, that he did not wrap his rugged subject in silks and ermines and other sickly trickeries of phrase, but spoke forth like a man of nerve and vigor, who scorned to shrink in words from those dangers which he stood ready to encounter in very deed. This much is certain, that he concluded by announcing his determination to lead on his troops in person and rout these costard-monger Swedes from their usurped quarters at Fort Casimir. To this hardy resolu- tion such of his council as were awake gave their usual signal of concurrence; and as to the rest, who had fallen asleep about the middle of the harangue (their ^^usual custom in the afternoon'^), they made not the least objec- tion. And now was seen in the fair city of Xew^ Amsterdam a prodigious bustle and preparation for iron war. Eecruit- ing-parties marched hither and thither, calling lustily upon 23> niSTOIlY OF NEW YORK. all tlie ficriibs, tlio runagates, and tatterdt-rnalions of tlie Maiiliattoes and its vicinity, who liad any ambition of six- jHMice a day and immortal fame into tlie bargain, to enlist in the cause of glory; for I would have you note that your warlike heroes wlio trudge in the rear of conquerors^ are gencniUy of that illustrious class of gentlemen who aj-e equal candidates for the army or the biidewell, the hal- berds or the whi|)ping-])ost — for whom Dame Fortune Inis cast an even die whether they shall make their exit by the sword or the halter, and whose deaths shall, at all events, ijc a lofty example to their counti-ymen. Hut, notwithstanding all this martial rout aiul invita- tion, the ranks of honor were but scantily supplied, so averse were the peaceful burghers of Is'ew Amsterdam from enlisting in foreign broils or stirring beyond that home which rounded all their eaitlily ideas. Upon be- holding this, the great Peter, whose noble heart was all on lire with war and sweet revenge, determined to wait no longer for the tardy assistance of these oily citizens, but to inusler u]) his men-y men of the Hudson, who, biought up among woods and wilds and savage beasts, like our Ncomen of Kentucky, delighted in nothing so much as desperate adventures and })erilous ex])editi()ns through the wilder- ness. Thus resolving, he ordered his trusty squire Antony Va!i ('Orlear to have his state galley prepared and duly victualed; which being ])erformed, he attended public service at the great church of 8t. Nicholas, like a true and pious governor, and then, leaving peremptory orders with his council to have the chivalry of the Manhattoes marshaled out and appointed against his return, dej)arted upon his recruiting voyage up the waters of the Hudson. HISTORY OF NEW YORK. 233 CHAPTER IV. CONTAINING PETER STUYVESANT'S YOTAGE UP THE HUD- SON, AND THE WONDERS AND DELIGHTS OF THAT RE- NOWNED RIVER. Now DID the soft breezes of the south steal sweetly over the face of nature, tempering the panting heats of summer into genial and prolific warmth, when that miracle of hardi- hood and cliivalric virtue, the dauntless Peter Stuyvesant, spread his canvas to the wind and departed from the fair island of Manna-hMtta. The galley in which he embarked was sumptuously adorned with pendants and streamers of gorgeous dyes, which fluttered gayly in the witul or drooped their ends into the bosom of the stream. The bow and poop of this majestic vessel were gallantly bedigiit, after the rarest Dutch fashion, with figures of little pursy Cupids with periwigs on their heads and bearing in their hands garlands of flowers, the like of which are not to be found in any book of botany, being the matchless flowers which flourished in the Golden Age, and exist no longer, unless it be in the imaginations of ingenious carvers of wood and discolorers of canvas. Thus, rarely decorated in style befitting the puissant potentate of the ^Fanhattoes, did the galley of Peter Stuyvesant launch forth upon the bosom of the lordly Hudson, which as it rolled its broad waves to the ocean seemed to pause for a while and swell with pride, as if conscious of the illustrious burden it sustained. But trust me, gentlefolk, far other was the scene pre- sented to the contemplation of the crew from that which may be witnessed at this degenerate day. Wildness and savage majesty reigned on the borders of this mighty river; the hand of cultivation had not as yet laid low the dark forest and tamed the features of the landscape, nor had the frequent sail of commerce broken in upon the profound 234 JTISTOnV OF NEW YORK. and awful Sfjlitude of ages. Here and tliere niiglit be seen a rude wigwam perched among the clitls of the mountains, witli its curling column of smoke mounting in the trans- parent atmosphere, but so loftily situated that the whoop- ings of tlie savage chihlren, gamboling on the margin of the dizzy heights, fell almost as faintly on the ear as do the notes of the lark when lost in the azure vault of heaven. Now jind then from the beetling brow of some precipice the wild deer would look timidly down upon the splendid l)ageant as it pjissed below, and then, tossing his antlers in the air, would bound away into the thickets of the forest. Through such scenes did the stately vessel of Peter ►Stuyvesant pass. Now did they skirt the bases of the rocky heights of Jersey, which spring up like everlasting walls, reaching from the waves unto the heavens, and were fashioned, if tradition may be believed, in times long past by the mighty spirit Manetho to protect his favorite abodes from the uidiallowed eyes of mortals. Now did they career it gayly across the vast expanse of Tap])an Hay, whose wide-extended chores present a vjiriety of delectable scenery — here the bold ju-ornontory, crowned with embowering trees, advancing into the bay; there the long woodland slope, swee})ing u}) from the shore in rich luxuriance and terminating in the ui)land precij)ice; while at a distance a long waving line of loeky heights threw their gigantic shades across the water. Now would they pass where some modest little interval, opening among these stupendous scenes, yet retreating as it were for protection into the em- braces of the neighboring mountains, displayed a rural paradise fraught with sweet and pastoral beauties — the velvet-tnfted lawn, the bushy copse, the tinkling rivulet, stealing through the fresh and vivid verdure, on whose banks was situated some little Indian village or peradvent- ure the rude cabin of some solitary hunter. The ditTerent periods of the revolving day seemed each Avith cunning magic, to diffuse a different charm over tlie scene. Now would the jovial snn break gloriously from the east, blazing from the summits of the hills and sparkling the landscai)e with a thousand dewy gems, while along the borders of the river were seen heavy masses of mist, which, like midnight caitiffs disturbed at his approach, made a sluggish retreat, rolling in sullen reluctance up the moun- tains. At such times all was brightness and life and HISTORY OF NEW YORK. 235 ga3^ety; the atmosphere was of au indescribable pureness and transparency; the birds broke forth in Avanton madri- gals, and the freshening breezes wafted the vessel merrily on her course. But when the sun sunk amid a flood of glory in the west, mantling the heavens and the earth with a thousand gorgeous dyes, then all was calm and silent and magnificent. The late swelling sail hung lifelessly against the mast; the seaman, with folded arms, leaned against the shrouds, lost in that involuntary musing which the sober granduer of Xatiire commands in the rudest of her chil- dren. The vast bosom of the Hudson was like an unruffled mirror, reflecting the golden splendor of the heavens, ex- cepting that now and then a bark canoe would steal across its surface filled with painted savages, whose gay feathers glared brightly as perchance a lingering ray of the setting sun gleamed upon them from the western mountains. But when the hour of twilight spread its majestic mists around, then did the face of Nature assume a thousand fugitive charms which to the worthy heart that seeks en- joyment in the glorious works of its Maker are inexpressi- bly captivating. The mellow dubious light that prevailed just served to tinge with illusive colors the softened feat- ures of the scenery. The deceived but delighted eye sought vainly to discern in the broad masses of shade the separating Vine between the land and water or to distin- guish the fading objects that seemed sinking into chaos. Now did the busy Fancy supply the feebleness of vision, producing with industrious craft a fairy creation of her own. Under her plastic wand the barren rocks frowned upon the watery waste in the semblance of lofty towers and high embattled castles; trees assumed the direful forms of mighty giants; and the inaccessible summits of the mountains seem peopled with a thousand shadowy beings. Now broke forth from the shores the notes of an in- numerable variety of insects, which filled the air with a strange but not inharmonious concert, while ever a-ud anon was heard the melancholy plaint of the whip-poor-will, who, perched on some lone tree, wearied the ear of night with his incessant meanings. The mind, soothed into a hal- lowed melancholy, listened with pensive stillness to catch and distinguish each sound that vaguely echoed fj-om the shore — now and then startled perchance by the whoop of nisTonr of new york. sonic straggling savage or by tlie dreary howl of a wolf stealing forth upon his nightly })i-owlings. 'J'liiis happily did they pursue tlieir course until they en- tered upon those awful defiles denominated 'J'hk IIkui- LANDS, where it would seem that the gigantic Titjins had erst waged their impious war with heaven, })iling up cliffs on cliffs and hurling vast masses of rock in wihl confusion. But in sootli very diffeient is the liistory of these ch>ud- cappod mountains. These in ancient days, before the Hud- son poured its waters from tlie lakes, formed one vast prison, witliin whoso rrx-ky bosom the omnipotent Manetlio confined the rebellious spiiits who rej)ined at his control. Here, bound in adamaiitine chains or jammed in rifted pines or crushed by ponderous rocks, they groaned for many an age. At length the conquering Iludson, in its career toward the ocean, burst open tlieir piison-house, rolling its tide triumphantly through the stupendous ruins. Still, however, do niany of them lurk about their old abodes; and these it is, accordifig to venerable legends, that cause the echoes which resound throughout these aw- ful solitudes, whi(di are nothing but their angry clamors when any noise tlisturbs the profoundness of their re])ose. For when the elements are agitated by tempest, when the winds are up and the tliunder rolls, then horrible ai e the yelling and howling of these troubled spirits, making the mountains to rebellow with their hideous uproar; for at such times it is said that they think the great Manetho is returning once more to plunge them in gloomy caverns and renew their intolerable captivity. But all these fair and glorious scenes were lost upon the gallant Stuyvesant; naught occupied his mind but thoughts of iron war and proud anticipations of hardy deeds of arms. Neither did his honest crew trouble their heads with any romantic speculations of the kind. The pilot at the helm quietly smoked his pipe, thinking of nothing, either past, present, or to come; those of his com- rades who were not industriously smoking under the hatches were listening with open mouths to Antony Van Cor- lear, who, seated on the windlass, was relating to them the marvelous history of those myriads of fireflies that sparkled like jems and spangles upon the dusky robe of night. These, according to tradition, were originally a race of HISTORY OF NEW TORE. 237 pestilent sempiternous beldames who peopled these parts long before the memory of man, being of that abominated, race emphatically called brimstones, and who, for their in- nnmerable sins against the children of men, and to fnrnish an awful warning to the beauteons sex, were doomed to in- fest the earth in the shape of these threatening and terri- ble little bugs, enduring the internal torments of that fire which they formerly carried in their hearts and breathed forth in their words, but now are sentenced to bear about forever — in their tails! And now J am going to tell a fact which I doubt mnch my readers will hesitate to believe; but if they do, they are welcome not to believe a word in this whole histoi-y, for nothing which it contains is more true. It must be known then, that the nose of Antony the Trumpeter was of a very lusty size, strutting boldly from his countenance like a mountain of Golconda, being sumptuously bedecked with rubies and other precious stones — the true regalia of a king of good fellows which jolly Bacchus grants to all who bowse it heartily at the flagon. Now, thus it happened that bright and early in the morning the good Antony, having washed his burly visage, was leaning over the quar- ter railing of the galley, contemplating it in the glassy wave below. Just at this moment the illustrious sun break- ing in all his splendor from behind a high blutf of the Highlands, did dart one of his most potent beams full upon the refulgent nose of the sounder of brass, the reflection of which shot straightway down, hissing hot, into the water and killed a mighty sturgeon that was sporting beside the vessel! This huge monster, being with infinite labor hoist- ed on board, furnished a luxurious I'epast to all the crew, being accounted of excellent flavor, excepting about the wound, where it smacked a little of brimstone; and this, on my veracity, was the first time that ever sturgeon was eaten in these parts by Christian people.* When this astonishing miracle came to be made known to Peter Stuyvesant, and that he tasted of the unknown fish, he, as may well be supposed, marveled exceedingly, *Tlie learned Hans Megapolonsis, treating of the country about Albany in a letter which was written some time after the settle- ment thereof, says: " There is in the river great plenty of sturgeon, which we Christians do not make use of, but the Indians eat them greedily." 238 UlSTOliV Oi' NKW YORK. and ;i3 a iiioiiiirnont thereof lie gave tlie name of A/t/o/tfj's Nose to a stout promontory in tlie neigliborliood, and it lias continued to be called Antony's ^'ose ever since that time. I^ut hold: whither am I wandei-ing? By the mass, if I attemjit to accompany the good Peter Stiiyvesant on this voyage, 1 shall never make an end; f(jr never was there a voyage so fraught with marvelous incidents, nor a river so abounding with transcendent beauties worthy of being sev- erally recorded. Even now I have it on the jioint of my ))en to relate how his crew were most horribly frightened, on going on shore jdjove the niglilands, by a gang of merry roystering devils frisking and curveting on a Hat rock which projected into the river, and which is called tlie DurycVs DcDts-Iuffiier to this very day. But no I Diedrich Knick- erbocker, it becomes thee not to idle thus in thy historic wayfaring. Recollect that while dwelling with the fond gai'rulity of age over these fairy scenes, endeared to thee by the recol- lections of thy youth and the charms of a thousand legend- ary tales which Ix'guiled the simple ear of thy childhood — recollect that thou art trilling with those fleeting moments which should be devoted to loftier themes. Is not Time, relentless 'J'ime I shaking with jialsied hand his almost ex- hausted hour-glass before thee? Hasten then to pursue thy weary task, lest the last sands be run ere thou hast finished thy history of the Manhattoes. Let us, then, commit the dauntless Peter, his brave gal- ley, Jind his loyal crew to the protection of the blessed St. Nicholas, who, I have no doubt, will prosper him in his voyage, while we await his return at the great city of New Amsterdam. HISTORY OF NEW YORK, 239 CHAPTER V. DESCRIBING THE POWERFUL ARMY THAT ASSEMBLED AT THE CITY OF NEW AMSTERDAM — TOGETHER WITH THE INTERVIEW BETWEEN PETER THE HEADSTRONG AND GENERAL VAN POFFENBURGH, AND PETER'S SENTIMENTS TOUCHING UNFORTUNATE GREAT MEN. While thus tlieenterpriGing Peter was coasting, with flow- ing sail, up the sliores of the lordly Hudson and arousing all the phlegmatic little Dutch settlements upon its borders, a great and ])uissant concourse of warriors was assembling at the city of New Amsterdam. And here that invaluable fragment of antiquity, the Stuyvesaiit manuscript, is more than commonly particular ; by w^hich means I am enabled to record the illustrious host that encam])ed itself in the l)ublic square in front of the fort, at present denominated the Bowling Green. In the center, then, was pitched the tent of the men of battle of tlie , Manhattoes, who being the inmates of the metropolis composed the life-guards of the governor. These were commanded by the valiant Stoffel Brinkerlioof, who whilom had acquired such immortal fame at Oyster Bay ; they displayed as a standard a beaver ramjyant on a field of orange, being the arms of the province, and denoting the persevering industry and the amphibious origin of the Nederlandters.* On their right hand might be seen the vassals of that re- nowned Mynheer, Michael Paw,f who lorded it over the * This was likewise the great seal of the New Netherlands as may still be seen in ancient records. f Besides what is related in the Stuyvesant MS. I have found men- tion made of this illustrious patroon in another manuscript, which says : " De Heer (or the squire) Michael Paw, a Dutch subject about 10th Aug., 16B0, by deed purchased Staten Island. X. B. The same Michael Paw had what the Dutch call a colonic at Pavonia, on the Jersey shore, opposite New York, and his overseer in 1636 was named Cornelius Van Vorst — a person of the same name in 1769 owned Pawles Hook and a large farm at Pavonia, and is a lineal descendant from Van Vorst." 240 njSTORY OF NKW YORK. fair regions of iiiicieiit I'avonia and tlx; lands awav sontli, oven unto the Navesink Mountains,* and wiis moreover patroon of (»iljbet Island. His standard was borne by liis trusty squire, Cornelius \'an Voist, consisting of a huiijiiring a quart of wine into a pint bottle. Then the Van Kortlandts, who lived on the wild banks of the Croton, and were great kill- ers of wild ducks, being much spoken of for their skill in shooting with the long bow. Then the Van Jiuiischotens of Nyack and Kakiat, who were the first that did ever kick with the left foot; they were gallant bushwhackers and hunters of raccoons by moonlight. Then the Van Winkles of llaerlem, potent suckers of eggs, and noted for running of horses and running u}) of scores at taverns; they weie the first that ever winked with both eyes at once. Lastly came the Knickeiujockkks of the great town of Scaghti- koke, where the folk lay stones \\\)on the houses in windy weather, lest they should be blown away. These derive their name, as some say, from Knickers to shake, and Bekery a goblet, indicating thereby that they were sturdy tosspots of yore; but, in truth, it was derived from Kni( ko- to nod, and Bocken, books, plainly meaning that they were great nodders or dozers over books: from them did descend the writer of this histoiT. Such was the legion of sturdy bushbeaters that poured in at the grand gate of New Amsterdam; the Stuyvesant manuscrii)t indeed speaks of many more, whose names 1 omit to mention, seeing that it behooves me to hasten to matters of greater moment. Nothing could surpass the joy and martial pride of the lion-hearted Peter as he re- viewed this mighty host of warriors, and he determined no longer to defer the gratification of his much-wished-for re- venge upon the scoundrel Swedes at Fort Casimir. But before I hasten to record those unmatchable events, which will be found in tlie sequel of this faithful history, let me pause to notice the fate of Jacobus Van Poffenburgli, the discomforted commander-in-chief of the armies of the New Netherlands. Such is the inherent uncharitableness of human nature that scarcely did the news become pub- lic of his d-^plorable discomfiture at Fort Casimir than a thousand scurvy rumors were set afloat in New Amsterdam, wherein it was insinuated that he had in reality a treach- erous understanding with the Swedish commander — that he had long been in the practice of privately communica- ting with tlie Swedes, together with divers hints about gecret-service money." To all which deadly charges I HISTORY OF NEW TORE. 243 do not give a jot more credit than I think they deserve. Certain it is, that the General vindicated his character by the most vehement oaths and protestations, and put every man out of the ranks of honor who dared to doubt his integrity. Moreover, on returning to Xew x\nisterdam he paraded up and down the streets with a crew of hard swearers at his heels, sturdy boltie-companions whom he gorged and fattened, and who were ready to bolster him through all the courts of justice — heroes of his own kid- ney, fierce-whiskered, broad-shouldered, Colbrand-looking swaggerers, not one of whom but looked as though he could eat up an ox and pick his teeth with the horns. Tliese life-guard men quarrelled all his quarrels, were ready to fight all his battles, and scowled at every man that turned up his nose at the general as tliougii they would de- vour him alive. Their conversation was interspersed with oaths like minute-guns, and every bombastic rliodomontade was rounded off by a thundering execration, like a pa- triotic toast honored with a discharge of artillery. All these valorous vaporings had a considerable effect in convincing certain profound sages, who began to think the general a hero of unmatchable loftiness and magnan- imity of soul; particularly as he was continually protest- ing on the honor of a soldier — a marvelously high-sounding asseveration. Nay, one of the members of the council went so far as to propose they should immortalize him by an imperishable statue of plaster of paris. But the vigilant Peter the Headstrong was not thus to be deceived. Sending privately for the commander-in- chief of all the armies, and having heard all his story, gar- nished with the customary pious oaths, protestations, and ejaculations, ^^Harkee, comrade," cried he, ^'though by your own account you are the most brave, upright, and lionorable man in the whole province, yet do you lie under the misfortune of being damnably traduced and immeasur- ably despised. Now, though it is certainly hard to punish a man for his misfortunes, and though it is very possible you are totally innocent of the crimes laid to your charge, yet as Heaven, doubtless for some wise purpose, sees fit at present to withhold all proofs of your innocence, far be it from me to counteract its sovereign will. Besides I cannot consent to venture my armies with a commander whom they despise, nor to trust the welfare of my people to a 244 niSTOliy OF NEW YORK. chanipioM wlioni tliey distrust. Kt'tlre, therefore, my friend, from tlie irksome toils and cares of public life with this comforting reflection — that if guilty, you are but enjoying your just reward, and if innocent, you are not the first great and good man who has most wrongfully been slan- (lered aiul maltreated in this wicked world, dou])tless to be })etter treated in a better world, where there shall be neither error, calumny, nor persecution. In the meantime let me never see your face again, for I have a horrible antipathy to tlie countenances of unfortunate great men like j^ourseif." HISTORY OF NEW YORK, 245 CHAPTER VI. IN WHICH THE AUTHOR DISCOURSES VERY INGENUOUSLY OF HIMSELF — AFTER WHICH IS TO BE FOUND MUCH INTERESTING HISTORY ABOUT PETER THE HEADSTRONG AND HIS FOLLOWERS. As MY readers and myself are about entering on as many perils as ever a confederacy of meddlesome knights-errant wilfully ran their heads into, it is meet that, like those hardy adventurers, we should join hands, bury all differ- ences, and swear to btand by oneanotlier in weal or woe to the end of the enterprise. My readers must doubtless per- ceive how completely I have altered my tone and deport- ment since we first set out together. I warrant they then thought me a crabbed, cynical, impertinent little son of a Dutchman, for I scarcely ever gave them a civil word, nor so much as touched my beaver when I had occasion to ad- dress them. But as we jogged along together on the high- road of my history I gradually began to relax, to grow more courteous, and occasionally to enter into familiar dis- course, until at length 1 came to conceive a most social, companionable kind of regard for them. This is just my way: I am always a little cold and reserved at first, par- ticularly to people whom I neither know nor care for, and am only to be completely won by long intimacy. Besides, why should I have been sociable to the crowd of how-d'ye-do acquaintances that flocked around me at my first appearance? Many were merely attracted by anew face, and, having stared me full in the title-page, walked off without saying a word, while others lingered yawningly through the preface, and, having gratified their short-lived curiosity, soon dropped off one by one. But more especially to try their mettle, I had recourse to an expedient similar to one which we are told was used by that peerless flower of chivalry. King Arthur, who, before he admitted any 240 HISTORY OF NEW YORK. kniglit to his intimacy, first requinid tliut he should show liiinself siipcM-ior to dangers or liurdships by encountering unheard-of mishaps, slaying some dozen giants, vange. And yoa, most excellent readers, whom for your faith- ful adherence 1 could cherish in the warmest corner of my heart, be not uneasy; trust the fate of our favorite Stuy- vesant with me, for, by the rood, come what may, I'll stick by Ilardkoppig Piet to the last. I'll make himdi'ive about these losels vile as did the renowned Launcelot of the Lake a herd of recreant Cornish knights; and if he does fall, let me never draw my pen to fight another battle in behalf of a brave man if I don't make these lubberly Swedes pay for it. No sooner had Peter Stuyvesant arrived before Fort Christina than he proceeded without delay to intrench him- self, and immediately on running his first paralled dis- patched Antony Van Corlear to summon the fortress to HISTORY OF NEW YORK. 255 surrender. Van Corlear was received with all due formal- ity, hoodwinked at the portal, and condncted. through a pestiferous smell of salt fish and onions to the citadel, a substantial hut built of pine logs. His eyes were here uncovered, and he found hiuiself in the august presence of Governor Risingh. This chieftain, as I have before noted, was a very giantly man, and was clad in a coarse blue coat strapped round the waist with a leathern belt, which caused the enormous skirts and pockets to set off with a very warlike sweep. His ponderous legs were cased in a pair of foxy-colored jack-boots, and he was straddling in the attitude of the Colossus of Rhodes before a bit of broken looking-glass, shaving himself with a villainously dull razor. This afflicting operation caused him to make a series of horrible grimaces, which heightened exceedingly the grisly terrors of his visage. On Antony Van Corlear's being announced the grim commander paused for a moment in the mielst of one of his most hard-favored contortions, and after eyeing him askance over the shoulder, with a kind of snarling grin on his countenance, resumed his labors at the glass. This iron harvest being reaped, he turned once more to the trumpeter and demanded the purport of his errand. Antony \^in Corlear delivered in a few words, being a kind of short-hand.,speaker, a long message from His Excellency, recounting the whole history of the province, with a re- capitulation of grievances and enumeration of claims, and concluding with a peremptory demand of instant surrender ; whicli done, he turned aside, took his nose between his thumb and finger, and blew a tremendous blast, not unlike the fiourish of a trumpet of defiance, which it had doubt- less learned from a long and intimate neighborhood with that melodious instrument. Governor Risingh heard him through, trumpet and all, but with infinite patience, leaning at times, as was his usual custom, on the pommel of his sword, and at times twirling a huge steel watch-chain or snapping his fingers. Van Corlear having finished, he bluntly replied that Peter Stuyvesant and his summons might go to the d 1, whither he hoped to send him and his crew of ragamuffins before supper-time. Then unsheathing his brass-hilted sword and throwing away the scabbard, *• 'For gad,^' quod he, but I will not sheathe thee again until I make a scab- 250 mSTORY OF NEW YORK. bard of the smoke diied leiitlierii liide of tliis runagate Diitelinian." I'lien, having flung a tierce defiance in the teetli of Ills adversary by tlie lips of his messenger, the lat- ter was reconducted to the portal witli all the ceremonious civility due to the trumpeter, squire, and ambassador of so great a commander, and, being again uid)linded, was courteously dismissed with a tweak of the nose to assist him in recollecting his message. No sooner did the gallant Peter receive this insolent reply than he let fly a tremendous volley of red-hot ex- ecrations, whif'h would infallibly have l)atiercd down the fortifications and Idown u]) the powder-magazine about the ears of the fiery Swede had not the ramparts been renuirk- ably strong and the magazine bomb-proof. ]*ei ceiving that the woi ks withstood this terrific blast, and that it was utter- ly impossible (as it really was in those unphilosophic days) to carry on a war with words, he ordered his merry men all to prepare for an immediate assault. But here a strange murmur bioke out among his troops, beginning with the tribe of the Van Hummels, those valiant trenchermen of the Bronx, and spreading fiom man to man, accompanied with certain mutinous looks and discontented murmurs. For once in his life, and only for once, did the great Peter turn pale, for he verily thought his warriors were going to falter in this hour of perilous trial, and thus to tarnish foi'ever the fame of the province of New Netherlands. But soon did he discover, to his great joy, that in this suspicion he deeply wronged this most undaunted army ; for the cause of this agitation and uneasiness simply was that the liour of dinner was at hand, atid it would have almost broken the hearts of these regular Dutch warriors to have broken in upon the invariable routine of their habits. Besides, it was an established rule among our ancestors always to fight upon a full stomach ; and to this may be doubtless attributed the circumstance that they came to be so renowned in arms. And now are the hearty men of the Manhattoes and their no less hearty comrades all lustily engaged under the trees, buffeting stoutly with the contents of their wallets, and taking such affectionate embraces of their canteens and pottles as though they verily believed they were to be the last. And as I foresee we shall have hot work in a HISTORY OF NEW TORE. 257 page or two, i advise my readers to do the same, for which purpose I will bring this chapter to a close, giving them my word of honor that no advantage shall be taken of this armistice to surprise or in any wise molest the hon- est Nederlandters while at their vigorous repast. 258 mSTOUY OF NEW YORK. CHAPTER VIII. CONTAININ(; Tin: most HOIMtlin.K IJATTLK KVFJi HF/'OKDHF) IN I'OKTuv OR 1'kosk; wn ii Tin: a dm j iia 15le exi'J.oi'is OF PKTKk THK UKADSTKONd. "Now HAD the Diitchiiioii siuitclicd ji hiifre repast," and, fiiuliiii^ tlit'MKselvt'.s wonderfully eiic'()iira<,aMi hjkI jiiii- niiited thereby prepared to take tljc lield. Kxpeetatioii, says tlie writer of the Stiiy vesaiit inamiscript — expectjitiori now stood on stilts. The world for<(ot to turn round, or rh» for man to utter — all forti- iied with a mighty dinner, and, to us(! the words of a great Dutch poet: "Hriinful cf wrath and (•Hl)ljuge." For an instant the mighty Peter paused in the midst of his career, and, mounting on a stumj), addressed his troops in eloquent Low Dutch, exhorting them to light like duij- veh, and assuring them that if they conquered they should get plenty of booty; if they fell they should be allowed the satisfaction, while dying, of reflecting that it was in the service of their country, and after they were dead of see- ing their names inscribed in the temj)le of renown, and handed down, in company with all the other great men of the year, for the ad mi ml ion of prosterity. Finally, he swore to tiiem, on the word of a governor (and they knew him too well to doul)t it for a moment), that if he caught any mother's son of them looking pale or playing craven, he would curry his hide till he m;ide him run out of it like a snake in spring-time. Then, lugging out his trusty saber, he brandished it three times over his head, ordered Van Corlear to sound the charge, and, shouting the words, *SSt. Nicholas and the ManhattoesI" corageously dashed for- ward. His warlike followers, who had emi)loyed the interval in lighting their pipes, instantly stuck them into their mouths, gave a furious puff, and charged gallantly under cover of the smoke. The Swedish garrison, ordered by the cunning Risingh not to tire until they could distinguish the whites of their assailants eyes, stood in horrid silence on the covert-way until the eager Dutchmen had ascended the glacis. Then did they pour into them such a tremendous volley that the very hills quaked around, and were terrified even unto an incontinence of water, insomuch that certain springs burst forth from their sides which continue to run unto the present day. Not a Dutchman but would have bitten the dust beneath that dreadful fire had not the protecting Minerva kindly taken care that the Swedes should, one and HISTORT OF NEW TORE. 261 all, observe their usual custom of shutting their eyes and turning away their heads at the moment of discharge. The Swedes followed up their fire by leaping the coun- terscarp and falling tooth and nail upon the foe with fu- rious outcries. And now might be seen prodigies of valor unmatched in history or song. Here was the sturdy Stuf- fel Brinkerhoff brandishing his quarter-staff, like the giant Blanderon his oak tree (for he scorned to carry any other weapon), and drumming a horrific tune upon the hard heads of the Swedish soldiery. There were the Van Kort- landts, posted at a distance, like the Locrian archers of yore, and plying it most potently with the long-bow, for which they were so justly renowned. On a rising knoll were gathered the valiant men of Sing-Sing, assisting mar- velously in the fight by chanting the great song of St. Nicholas; but as to the Gardeniers of Hudson, they were absent on a marauding-party, laying waste the neighboring watermelon-patches. In a different part of the field were the Van Grolls of Antony's nose, struggling to get to the thickest of the fight, but horribly perplexed in a defile between two hills by reason of the length of their noses. So also the Van Bunschotens of Nyack and Kakiat, so renowned for kick- ing with the left foot, were brought to a stand for want of wind in consequence of the hearty dinner they had eaten and would have been put to utter rout but for the arrival of a gallant corps of voltigeurs, composed of the Hoppers, who advanced nimbly to their assistance on one foot. Nor must I omit to mention the valiant achievements of Antony Van Corlear, who for a good quarter of an hour waged stubborn fight with a little pursy Swedish drum- mer, whose hide he drummed most magnificently, and whom he would infallibly have annihilated on the spot but that he had come into the battle with no other weapon but his trumpet. But now the combat thickened. On came the mighty Jacobus Varra Vaiiger and the fighting men of the Wall- about; after them thundered the Van Pelts of Esopus, to- gether with the Van Rippers and the Van Brunts, bearing down all before them; then the Suy Dams and the Van Dams, pressing forward with many a blustering oath at the head of the warriors of Hell-gate, clad in their thunder- and-lightning gaberdines; and lastly the standard-bearers 202 HISTORY OF NEW YORK. and body-guards of Peter Stuyvesant, bearing the great beaver of tlie Manliattoes. And now coninienced the horrid din, tlie desperate strug- gle, the maddening ferocity, the frantic desperation, tlie confusion and self-abandonment of war. Dutchman and Swede, commingled, tugged, panted, and blowed. 'J'he heavens were darkened witli a tempest of missiles. Bang! went the guns — whack I went the broadswords — tlium})! went the cudgels — crash I wejit the musket-stocks — blows, kicks, cuffs, scratches, bhick eyes, and bloody noses swell- ing the horrors of the scene I Thick thwack, cut and hack, helter-skelter, higgledy-piggledy, hurly-burly, head over heels, rough and tuml^lel Duiuler and blixurnl swore the ])utclimen; splitter and splutter I cried the Swedes; storm the worksl shouted llardkoppig Pieter; fire the mine! roared stout Kisingh; tanta-ra-ra-ra! twanged the trum- pet of Antony Van Corlear — until all voice and sound became unintelligible, grunts of pain, yells of fury, and shouts of trium})li mingling in one hideous clamor. The earth shook as if struck with a paralytic stroke — trees shrunk aghast and withered at the sight — rocks burrowed in the giound like rabbits — and even Christin;* Creek turned from its course and ran up a hill in breathless terror! Long hung the contest doubtful, for though a heavy shower of rain, sent by the ''cloud compelling Jove," in some measure cooled their ardor, as doth a bucket of water thrown on a group of fighting mastiffs, yet did they but pause for a moment, to return with tenfold fury to the charge. Just at this juncture a vast and dense column of smoke was seen slowly rolling toward the scene of battle. The combatants })aused for a moment, gazing in mute as- tonishment, until the wind, dispelling the murky cloud, revealed the flaunting banner of Michael Pa.w, the patroon of Communipaw. That valiant chieftain came fearlessly on at the head of a phalanx of oyster-fed Pavonians and a corps de reserve of the Van Arsdales and Van Bummels, who had remained behind to digest the enormous dinner •they had eaten. These now trudged manfully forward, smoking their pipes with outrageous vigor, so as to raise the awful cloud that has been mentioned; but marching exceedingly slow, being short of leg and of great rotundity in the belt. BISTORT OF NEW TORE. 263 And now the deities who watched over the fortunes of the Xederlandters having unthinkingly left the field and stepped into a neighboring tavern to refresh themselves with a pot of beer, a direful catastrophe had well-nigh en- sued. Scarce had the myrmidons of Michael Paw attained the front of battle, when the Swedes, instructed by the cunning Risingh, levelled a shower of blows full at their tobacco-pipes. Astounded at this assault and dismayed at the havoc of their pipes, these ponderous warriors gave way and like a drove of friglitened elephants broke through the ranks of their own army. The little Hoppers were borne down in the surge; the sacred banner emblazoned with the gigantic oyster of Communipaw was trampled in the dirt; on blundered and thundered the heavy-sterned fugitives, the Swedes pressing on their rear and applying i\\Q\Y ieQi a jinrte poste oi the Van Arsdales and the Van Bummels with a vigor that prodigiously accelerated their movements, nor did the renowned Michael Paw himself fail to receive divers grievous and dishonorable visitations of shoe-leather. But what, Muse! was the rage of Peter Stuyvesant when from afar he saw his army giving way! In the transports of his wrath he sent forth a roar enough to shake the very hills. The men of the Manhattoes plucked up new courage at the sound, or, rather, they rallied at the voice of tlie'r leader, of whom they stood more in awe than of all the Swedes in Christendom. Without waiting for their aid the daring Peter dashed, sword in hand, into the thickest of the foe. Then might be seen achievements worthy of the days of the giants. Wherever he went the enemy shrank before him; the Swedes fled to right and left or were driven, like dogs, into their own ditch; but as he pushed forward singly with headlong courage the foe closed behind and hung upon his rear. One aimed a blow full at his heart; but tiie protecting power which watches over the great and good turned aside the hostile blade and directed it to a side-pocket, where reposed an enormous iron tobacco-box, endowed, like the shield of Achilles, with supernatural powers, doubtless from bearing the portrait of the blessed St. Nicholas. Peter Stuyvesant turned like an angry bear upon the foe, and seizing him as he fled by an immeasurable queue, ^'^Ah, whoreson caterpiller!" roared he^ * 'here's what shall make worm's meat of thee!" So 204 IHSTORV OF NEW YOIIK. saying, lie wliirlod liis sword and dcalL a blow tliat would have (lecapitated the varlet, hut that the })itying steel struck short and shaved the queue forever from his crown. At this moment an arquebusier levelled hispiece from a neigh- boring mound with deadly aim; but the watchful Minerva, who had just stopped to tie \\\) her garter, seeing the peril of hei- favoiite hero, sent old Boreas with his bellows, who as the match descended to the pan gave a blast that blew the priming from the touch-hole. Thus waged the light, when the stout Kisingh, surveying the held from the top of a little ravelin, perceived his troops banged, beaten, and kicked by the invincible Peter. Draw- ing his falchion and uttering a thousand anathemas, lie strode down to the scene of combat with some such thun- dering strides as Jupiter is said by Ilesiod to have taken when he strode down the spheres to hurl his thunderbolts at the 'J'itans. When the rival heroes came face; to face each made a })rodigi{)us start in the style of a veteran stage champion. 'IMien did they regard each other for a moment with the bitter aspect of two furious ram-cats on the point of a clapjier-clawing. Then did they throw themselves into one attitude, then into another, striking their swords on the ground first on the right side, then on the left; at last at it they went with incredible ferocity. Words cannot tell the prodigies of strength and valor displayed in this dire- ful encounter — an encounter compared to which the far- famed battles of Ajax with Hector, of ^Eneas with Turnns, Orlando with Kodomont, Ciuy of Warwick with Colbrand the Dane, or of that renowned Welsh knight Sir Owen of the mountains with the giant Guylon, were all gentle sports and holiday recreations. At length the valiant Peter, watching his opportunity, aimed a blow, enough to cleave his adversary to the very chine; but Kisingh nimbly raising his sword, warded it off so narrowly that glancing on one side, it shaved away a huge canteen in which he carried his liquor; thence, pursuing its trenchant course, it severed off a deep coat-pocket stored with bread and cheese; which provant, rolling among the armies, occa- sioned a fearful scrambling between the Swedes and Dutch- men, and made the general battle to wax ten times more furious than ever. Enraged to see his military stores laid waste, the stout HISTORY OF NEW YORK. 265 Risingh, collecting all his forces, aimed a mighty blow full at the heroe's crest. In vain did his fierce little cocked hat oppose its course. The bitting steel clove through the stub- born ram beaver, and would have cracked the crown of any one not endowed with supernatural hardness of head; but the brittle weapon shivered in pieces on the skull of Hai'dkoppig Piet, sheckling a thousand sparks like beams of glory round his grizzly visage. The good Peter reeled with the blow, and, turning np his eyes, beheld a thousands suns, beside moons and stars, dancing about the firmament. At length, missing his foot- ing by reason of his wooden leg, down lie came on his seat of honor with a crash which shook the surrounding hills, aiid might have wrecked his frame had he not been received into a cushion softer than velvet which Providence or Minerva or St. Nicholas or some kindly cow had benevo- lently prepared for his reception. The furious Risingh, in despite of the maxim, cherished by all true knights, that "fair play is a jewel," hastened to take advantage of the heroe's fall; but as he stooped to give a fatal blow, Peter Stuyvesant dealt him a thwack over the sconce with his wooden leg, which set a chime of bells ringing triple bob-majors in his cerebellum. The bewil- dered 8we«le staggered with the blow, and the wary Peter, seizing a pocket-pistol which lay hard by, discharged it full at the head'Of the reeling Risingh. Let not my reader mis- take: it was not a murderous weapon loaded with powder and ball, but a little sturdy stone pottle charged to the muzzle with a double dram of true Dutch courage, which the knowing Antony Van Corlear carried about him by way of replenishing his valor, and which had dropped from his wallet during his furious encounter with the drum- mer. The hideous weapon sang through the air, and true to its course as was the fragment of a rock discharged at Hector by bully Ajax, encountered the head of the gigantic Swede with matchless violence. This heaven-directed blow decided the battle. The pon- derous pericranium of General Jan Risingh sank upon his breast, his knees tottered under him, a dea:h-like torpor seized upon his frame, and he tumbled to the earth with such violence that old Pluto started with affright, lest he should have broken through the roof of his infernal palace. 2GG niSTORY OF NEW YORK. His fall was tlie signal of defeat and victory: the Swedes gave way, tlie IJiitcli pressed forward; the former took to their heels, the latter liotly pursued. Some entered with them, pell-mell, througli the sally-port; otiiei-s stormed the bastion, iind others scrainhled over the curtain. Thus in a little while the fortress of Fort Christina, which, like another Troy, had stood a seige of full ten hours, was carried by assault without the loss of a single man on either side. Victory, in the likeness of a gigiintic ox-fly, sat perched upon the cocked hat of the gallant Stuyvesant, and it was declared by all the writers whom he Inred to write the history of iiis expedition that on this memorable day he gained a sutlicient (piantity of gloi-y to immortalize a dozen of the greatest heroes in Christendom! HISTORY OF NEW YORK. 267 CHAPTER IX. IN WHICH THE AUTHOR AXD THE READER, WHILE REPOS- ING AFTER THE BATTLE, FALL IXTO A VERY GRAVE DISCOURSE — AFTER WHICH IS RECORDED THE CONDUCT OF PETER STUYVESANT AFTER HIS VICTORY. Thanks to St. Nicholas, we have safely finished this tremendous battle: let us sit down, my worthy reader, and cool ourselves, for I am in a prodigious sweat and agitation. Truly, tliis fighting of battles is hot work, and if yonr great commanders did but know what trouble they give their historians, they would not have the conscience to achieve so many horrible victories. But methinks I hear my reader complain that throughont this boasted battle there is not the least slaughter, nor a single individnal maimed, if we except the unliappy Swede who was shorn of his queue by the trenchant blade of Peter Stuyvesant; all, which he observes, is a great outrage on probability and highly injurious to the interest of the narration. This is certainly an objection of no little moment, but it arises entirely from the obscurity enveloj^ing the remote periods of time about which I have nndertaken to write. Thus, though doubtless, from the importance of the object and the prowess of the parties concerned, there must have been terrible carnage and prodigies of valor displayed be- fore the walls of Christina, yet, notwithstanding that I have consulted every history, manuscript, and tradition touching this memorable though long-forgotten battle, I cannot find mention made of a single man killed or wounded in the whole afiair. This is, withont doubt, owing to the extreme modesty of our forefathers, who, unlike their descendants, were never prone to vaunt of their achievements; but it is a virtue which places their historian in a most embarrasing pre- dicament, for, having promised my readers a hideous and 208 mSTOItr OF NEW YORK iiiipiirallecl buttle, and liaving worked tliem up into a w ar- like and bloodthirsty state of tnind, to put them oil witli- oiit any havoc and shiughter would have been as bitter a disappointment as to summon a multitude of. good people to attend an execution and then cruelly balk them by a re- prieve. Had the Fates only allowed me some half a score of dead men, I had been content; for I would have made them such heroes as abounded in the olden time, but whose i-ace is now unftjrtunately extinct, any one of whom, if we may believe those authentic writers the poets, could drive great armies like sheep before him and conquer and desolate whole cities by his single ai'm. But seeing tliat 1 had not a single life at my disposal all that was left me was to make the most I could of my battle by means of kicks and culfs and bruises and such like ig- noble wounds. And here 1 cannot but compare my dilem- ma, in some sort, to that of the divine Milton, who, having arrayed with sublime i)re})aration his immortal hosts against each other, is sadly put to it how to manage them, and how he shall make the end of his battle answer to the beginning; inasmuch as, being mere spirits, he cannot deal a mortal blow, nor even give a flesh wound to any of his combatants. For my part, the greatest ditfieulty 1 found was, when I had once put my warriors in a ])assion and let them loose into the midst of tlie enemy, to keep them from doing mis- chief. Many a time had 1 to restrain the sturdy Feter from cleaving a gigantic Swede to the very waistband, or spitting half a dozen little fellows on his sword like so many sparrows. And when I had set some hundred of missiles flying in the air, I did not dare to suffer one of them to reach the ground, lest it should have put an end to some unlucky Dutcliman. I'he reader cannot conceive how mortifying it is to a writer thus iu a manner to have his hands tied, and how many tempting opportunities I had to wink at where T might have made as fine a death-blow as any recorded in history or song. From my own experience I begin to doubt most potently of the authenticity of many of Homer's stories. I verily believe that when he had once launched one of his favorite heroes among a crowd of the enemy he cut down many an honest fellow without any authority for so doing, except- HISTORY OF NEW YORK. 2G9 ing that he presented a fair mark, and that often a poor fellow was sent to grim Plato's domains merely because he had a name that would give a sounding turn to a period. But I disclaim all such unprincipled liberties: let me but have truth and the law on my side, and no man would light harder than myself; but since the various records I have consulted did not warrant it, I had too much con- science to kill a single soldier. By St. Nicholas, but it would have been a pretty piece of business! My enemies, the critics, who I foresee will be ready enough to lay any crime they can discover at my door, might have charged me with murder outright, and I should have esteemed myself lucky to escape with no harsher verdict than man- slaughter! And now, gentle reader, that we are tranquilly sitting down here, smoking our pipes, permit me to indulge in a melancholy reflection which at this moment passes across my mind. How vain, liow fleeting, how uncertain are all those gaudy bubbles after which we are panting and toiling in this world of fair delusions! The wealth which the miser has amassed with so many weary days, so many sleepless nights, a spendthrift heir may squander away in joyless prodigality; the noblest monuments which pride has ever reared to perpetuate a name the hand of time will shortly tumble into ruins; and even the brightest laurels, gained by feats of arms, may wither and be forever blighted by the chilling neglect of mankiiul. ^^How many illus- trious heroes," says the good Boetius, ^'who were once the pride and glory of the age, hath the silence of historians hurried in eternal oblivion!" And this it was that induced the Spartans, when they went to battle, solemnly to sacri- fice to the Muses, supplicating that their achievements might be worthily recoided. Had not Homer turned his lofty lyre, observes the elegant Cicero, the valor of Achilles had remained unsung. And such too, after all the toils and perils he had braved, after all the gallant actions he had achieved — such too had nearly been the fate of the chivalric Peter Stuyvesant, but that I fortunately stepped in and engraved his name on the indelible tablet of history, just as the caitiff Time was silently brushing it away for ever! The more I reflect, the more I am astonished at the important character of the historian. He is the sovereigu 270 niSTORY OF NEW TORK. censor to dccidt; upon the renown or iiifuiny of liis I'ellow- meu. lie in tlu; patron of kings and confjuerors on wlioin it depends whetlier tliey shall live in after u<(es or be for- gotten as were their ancestors before them. The tyrant may oppress while the oi)ject of his tyranny exists, but the iiis- torian possesses superior might, for his])ower extends even beyon.oil was enlivened by gayety and followed up by the dance. "Raising bees" also were frequent, where houses sprang up at the wagging of the fiddlestick, as the walls of Thebes sprang up of yore to the sound of the lyre of Amphion. Jolly autumn, which pours its treasures over hill and dale, was in those days a season for the lifting of the heel as well as the heart; labor came dancing in the train of abundance, and frolic prevailed throughout the land. Happy days! when the yeomanry of the Nieuw Neder- landtswere merry rather than wise, and when the notes of the fiddle, those harbingers of good humor and good will, resounded at the close of the day from every hamlet along the Hudson! Nor was it in rural communities alone that Peter Stuy- vesant introduced his favorite engine of civilization. Under his rule the fiddle acquired that potent sway in New Am- sterdam which it has ever since retained. Weekly assem- blages were held, not in heated ballrooms at midnight 282 HISTORY OF NEW YORK. hours, but on Satnrclay jiftcrnoons, by tlie golden light of the sun, on the green lawn of the Battery, with Antony tlie Trumpeter for master of ceremonies. Here would the good Peter take his seat nnder the spreading trees, among the old burghers and their wives, and watch the mazes of the dance. Here would he smoke his pii)e, crack his joke, and forget the rugged toils of war in tlie sweet oblivious festivities of peace, giving a nod of ap})robation to those of tlie young men who sliullled and kicked most vigorously, and now and then a hearty smack, in all honesty of soul, to the buxom lass who ludd out longest and tired down every competitor — infallible })roof of her being the best dancei-. Once, it is true, the harmony of these meetings was in danger of interruption. A young belle just returned from a visit to Holland, who of course led the fashions, made her aiipearance in not more than a half a dozen petticoats, and these of alarming shortness. A whisper and a flutter ran through the assembly. The young men of course were lost in admiration, but the old ladies were shocked in the extreme, especially those who had marriageable daughters; the young ladies blushed and felt excessively for the ''poor thing," jind even the governor himself appeared to be in some kind of perturbation. To complete the confusion of the good folks, she under- took, in the course of a jig, to describe some figures in algebra taught her by a dancing- master at Rotterdam. Unfortunately, at the highest flourish of her feet some vagabond zephyr obtruded his services, and a display of the graces took place, at which all the ladies present were thrown into great consternation; several grave country members were not a little moved, and the good Peter Stuyvesant himself was grievously scandalized. The shortness of the female dresses, which had continued in fashion ever since the days of William Kieft, had long offended his eye, and, though extremely averse to meddling with the petticoats of the ladies, yet he immediately recom- mended that every one should be furnished with a flounce to the bottom. He likewise ordered that the ladies, and indeed the gentlemen, should use no other step in dancing than ''shuffle and turn" and "double trouble" and for- bade, under pain of his high displeasure, any young lady thenceforth to attempt what was termed "exhibiting the graces." HISTORY OF NEW YORK. 283 These were the only restrictions he ever imposed upon the sex, and these were considered by them as tyrannical oppressions, and resisted with that becoming spirit mani- fested by the gentle sex whenever their privileges are in- vaded. In fact, Antony Van Corlear — who, as has been shown, was a sagacious man, experienced in the ways of women — took a private occasion to intimate to the governor that a conspiracy was forming among the young vrouws of of New Amsterdam, and that if the matter were pushed any further, there was danger of their leaving olf petticoats altogether; whereupon the good Peter shrugged his shoul- ders, dropped the subject, and ever after suffered the women to wear their petticoats and cut their capers as high as they pleased — a privilege which they have jealously maintained in the Manliattoes unto the present day. 284 niSTOUY OF NEW YORK. CHAPTER III. now TIlOriiLES THICKKN ox TJIK I'liOVINCE — now IT IS THKEATEXKD BY THE H ELDEKHEKGEKS, THE MEUKYLAND- EkS ANIJ THE GIANTS OF THE SL'SQL'EHANNA. In the last two cluipters I have reguled the render witli a delectable picture of tlie good Peter and his metropolis dur- ing an interval of peace. It was, however, but a bit of blue sky in a stormy day; the clouds are again gatheiing up from all points of the compass, and, if I am not mis- taken in my forel)oding8, we shall have rattling weatlier in the ensuing chapters. It is with some communities as it is with cci tain meddle- some individuals: they have a womlerfiil faciiily at getting into scrapes, and 1 have always remarked that those are most prone to get in who have the least talent at getting out again. This is doubtless owing to the excessive valor of those states, for I have likewise noticed that this i"am- pant quality is always most fiothy and fussy where most confined, which accounts for its vaporing so amazingly in little states, little men, and ugly little women more es- pecially. Such is the case with this little province of the Xieuw Xederlandts, which by its exceeding valor has already drawn upon itself a host of enemies — has had fighting enough to satisfy a province twice its size, and is in a fair way of becoming an exceedingly forlorn, well-belabored, and woe-begone little province. All which was providen- tially ordered to give interest and sublimity to this pathetic history. The first interruption to the halcyon quiet of Peter Stuyvesant was caused by hostile intelligence from the old belligerent iiest of Rensellaerstein. Killian, the lordly pa~ troon of Rensellaerwick, was again in the field at the head of his myrmidons of the Helderberg, seeking to annex the EISrORY OF NEW YORK. 285 whole of the Kaatskill Mountains to his domains. The Indian tribes of these mountains had likewise taken up the hatchet and menaced the venerable Dutch settlement of Esopus. Fain would I entertain the reader with the triumphant campaign of Peter Stuyvesant in the haunted regions of those mountains, but that I hold all Indian conflicts to be mere barbaric brawls, unworthy of the pen which has re- corded the classic war of Fort Christina; and as to these Helderberg commotions, they are among the flatulencies which from time to time afflict the bowels of this ancient province as with a wind-colic, and which I deem it seemly and decent to pass over in silence. The next storm of trouble was from the south. Scarcely had the worthy Mynheer Beekman got warm in the seat of autliority on the South River than enemies began to spring \\\) all around him. Hard by was a formidable race of sav- ages inhabiting the gentle region watered by the Susque- hanna, of whom the following mention is made by Master Hariot in his excellent history: The Susquesahanocks are a giantly people, strange in proportion, behavior, and attire, their voice sounding from them as out of a cave. Their tobacco-pipes were three quarters of a yard long, carved at the great end with a bird, heart, or other device, sufficient to beat out the brains of a horse. The calfe of one of their legges meas- ured three quarters of a yard about; the rest of the limbs proportionable.''^ * These gigantic savages and smokers caused no little dis- quiet in the mind of Mynheer Beekman, threatening to cause a famine of tobacco in the land; but his most formid- able enemy was the roaring, roystering English colony of Maryland, or, as it was anciently written Merryland, so called because the inhabitants, not having the fear of the Lord before their eyes, were prone to make merry and get fuddled with mint-julep and apple-toddy. They were, moreover, great horse-racers and cock-fighters, mighty wrestlers and jumpers, and enormous consumers of hoe- cake and bacon. They lay claim to be the first inventors of those recondite beverages cock-tail, stone-fence, and sherry cobbler, and to have discovered the gastronomical merits of terrapins, soft crabs, and canvas-back ducks. Jiariot's Journal, Purcli. Pilgrim^ 280 mSTORY OF NEW YORK. This rantipole colony, founded by Lord liiiltiniore, a British nobleman, was managed by his a^^ent, a swagger- ing Englishman, commonly called Kendall; that is to say, ''offend all," a name given him for his bullying propensi- ties. Those were seen in a message to Mynheer lieekman, threatening him, unless he immediately swore allegiance to Lord Baltimore as the rightful lord of the soil, to come at the head of the roaring boys of Merryland and the giants nf the Susfjuehanna and swee]) him and his Nederlandteis out of the country. The trusty sword of Peter Stuyvesant almost leaped from its scabbard when he received missives from .Mynheer ]5eeknian informing him of the swaggering menaces of the bully Kendall; and as to the giantly warriors of the Susquehanna, nothing would have more delighted him than a bout, hand-to-hand, with half a score of them, hav- ing never encountered a giant in the whole course of his campaigns, unless we may consider the stout Kisingh as such; and he was but i\. little one. Nothing prevented his marching instantly to the South Kiver and enacting scenes still more glorious than those of Fort Christina but the necessity of first putting a stop to the increasing aggressions and inroads of the Yankees, so as not to leave an enemy in his rear; but he wrote to Myn- heer Beekman to keep up a bold front and stout heart, promising, as soon as he had settled affairs in the east, that Ire would hasten to the south with his burly warriors of the Hudson, to lower the crests of the giants and mar the merriment of the Merrylanders. mSTOBT OF NEW YORK, 287 CHAPTER IV. HOW PETER STUYVESAXT ADVENTURED INTO THE EAST COUNTRY, AND HOW HE FARED THERE. To EXPLAIN the apparently sudden movement of Peter Stuyvesant against the crafty men of the East Country, I would observe that during his campaigns on tlie South River and in tlie enclianted regions of the Catskill Moun- tains the twelve tribes of the east had been more than usually active in prosecuting their subtle scheme for the subjugation of the Nieuw Xederlandts. Independent of the incessant maraudings among hen- roosts and squattings along the border, invading armies would penetrate from time to time into the very heart of the country. As their prototypes of yore went forth into the land of Canaan with their wives and their chil- dren, their men-servants and their maid-servants, their flocks and herds, to settle themselves down in the land and possess it, so these chosen people of modern days would progress through the country in patriarchal style, conducting carts and wagons laden with household fur- niture, with women and children piled on top and pots and kettles dangling beneath. At the tail of these vehi- cles would stalk a crew of long-limbed, lank-sided var- lets, with axes on their shoulders and packs on their backs, resolutely bent upon ^'locating" tliemselves, as they termed it, and improving the cou try. These were the most dan- gerous kind of invaders. It is true they were guilty of no overt acts of liostility; but it was notorious that wherever they got a footing the honest Dutchmen gradually disap- peared, retiring slowly as do the Indians before the white men, being in some way or other talked and chaffered and bargained and swapped — and, in plain English, elbowed — out of all those rich bottoms and fertile nooks in which our Dutch yeomanry are prone to nestle themselves. 288 mSTORY OF NEW TORE. Peter Stuyyesaiit was at len^tli roused to tliis kind of war in disguise, by wliicli tlie Yankees were craftily aim- ing to subjugate liis dominions. He was a man easily taken in, it is true, as all great-liearted men are apt to be; but if be once found it out, bis wratb was terrible. He now tbiew dii)lomacy to tbo dogs, determined to appear no moie by ambassadors, ])ut to repair in i)erson to tbe great council of tbe Ampliictyons, bearing tbe sword in one band and tbe olive brancb in tbe otber, and giving tbem tiieir clioice of sincere and lionest i)eace or open an(l iron war. His privy councilors were astonisbed and dismayed wben be announced bis determiiuition. For once tbey ventured to remonstrate, setting fortb tbe rasbness of vent- uring bis sacreil ])erson in tbe midst of a strange and bar- barous i)eoi)le. Tbey migbt as well liave tried to turn a rusty weatbercock witb a broken-winded bellows. In tbe fiery beart of tbe iron-beaded Peter sat entbroiied tbe five kinds of courage described by Aristotle, and bad tbe i)bi- losopber enumerated five bundred more, 1 verily believe be would bave jiossessed tbem all. As to tbat Ijetter }»art of valor called discretion, it was too cold-blooded a virtue for liis tro})ical temperament. Summoning tberofore, to bis presence bis trusty follower, Antony Van Corlear, lie commanded bim to bold bimself in readiness to accompany bim tbe following morning on tbis bis bazardous enterprise. Now Antony tlie Trumpeter was by tbis time a little stricken in years, yet by dint of keeping up a good beart and baving never known care or sorrow (having never been married), be was still a bearty jocund, rubicund, gamesome wag, and of great ca})acity in tbe doublet. Tbis last was ascribed to bis living a jolly life on those domains at tbe Hook which Peter Stuyevsant bad granted to bim for bis gallantry at Fort Casimir. Be tbis as it may, there was nothing tbat more delighted Antony than this command of the great Peter, for be could bare followed tbe stout-hearted old governor to the world's end with love and loyalty; and be moreover still remem- bered the frolicking and dancing and bundling and otber disports of tbe East Country, and entertained dainty recol- lection of numerous kind and buxom lasses wliom belonged exceedingly again to encounter. Thus then did this mirror of hardihood set forth, with HISTORY or NEW YORK, 289 no other attendant but his trumpeter, upon one of the most perilous enterprises ever recorded in the annals of knight- errantry. For a single warrior to venture openly among a wliole nation of foes — but, above all, for a plain, down- right Dutcliman to think of negotiating with the whole council of New Enghmdl never was tliere known a more desperate undertaking! Ever since I have entered upon the chronicles of this peerless but hitherto uncelebrated chieftain has he kept me in a state of incessant action and anxiety with the toils and dangers he is constantly encount- ering. Oh for a chapter of the tranquil reign of Wouter Van T wilier, that I might repose on it as on a feather- bed! Is it not enough, Peter Stuyvesant, that I have once al- ready rescued thee from the machinations of these terrible Amphictyons by bringing the powers of witchcraft to thine aid? Is it not enough tliat I have followed thee undaunt- ed, like a guardian sjnrit, into the midst of the horrid bat- tle of Fort Christina? that I have been put incessantly to my trumps to keep thee safe and sound, now warding off with my single pen the shower of dastard blows that fell npon thy rear, now narrowly shielding thee from a deadly thrust by a mere tobacco box, now casing thy dauntless skull with adamant, when even thy stubborn ram beaver failed to resrijt the sword of the stout Kisingh and now not merely bringing thee off alive, but triumphant, from the clutches of the gigantic Swede by the desperate means of a paltry stone pottle? Is not all this enough, but must thou still be plunging into new difficulties and hazarding in headlong enterprises thyself, thy trum2)eter, and thy his- torian? And now the ruddy-faced Aurora, like a buxom cham- bermaid, draws aside the sable curtains of the night, and out bounces from his bed the jolly red-haired Phoebus, startled at being caught so late in the embraces of Dame Thetis. With many a stable-boy oath he harnesses his brazen-footed steeds, and whips and lashes and splashes up the firmament, like a loitering coachman half an hour be- hind his time. And now behold that imp of fame and prowess, the headstrong Peter, bestriding a raw-boned, switch-tailed charger, gallantly arrayed in full regimentals and bracing on his thigh that trusty brass-hilted sword which had wrought such fearful deeds on the banks of the Delaware. 290 mSTORY OF NEW YORK. Behold, liard jiftcr him lii.s doii^lity tnifjipoter Vaw C'(jr- lear, mounted on a broken-winded, wall-eyed, calico mare, his stone pottle, whicli lia(;kaded by sea, beleaguered by hind, and threatened with direful des- olation fiom without, while its vei'y vilals are torn with internal faction and commotion I Never did historic pen record a page of more comi)licated distress, unless it be the strife that distracted the Isiaelites duiing the siege of Jerusalem, where discoidnnt ]){irties weie cutting each other's throats at the moment w lien tiie victorious legions of Titus had to}>i)led down their bulwarks and were carry- ing tire and sword into the very sanctum sanctorum of the temple. (Tovernor Stuyvesaut having triumphantly put his grand council to the rout, afid delivered himself from a multitude of impertinent advisers, dispatched a categorical reply to the commanders of the invading squadron, wherein he as- serted the right and title of their High Mightinesses the Lords States General to the province of New Xetherlands, and trusting in the righteousness of his cause, set the whole British natio.i at defiance I My anxiety to extricate my readers and myself from these disastrous scenes prevents me from giving the whole of this gallant letter, which concluded in these manly and affectionate terms: As touching the threats iu your conclusion, we have BISTORT OF NEW YORK. 317 nothing to answer, only that we fear nothing but what God (who is as just as merciful) shall lay upon us, all things lieing in His gracious disposal; and we may as well be pre- served by Him with small forces as by a great army; which makes us to wish you all hapj)iness and prosperity, aud recommend you to His protection. My lords, your thrice humble and affectionate servant and friend, ''P. Stuyvesakt"" Thus having thrown his gauntlet, the brave Peter stuck a pair of horse-pistols in his belt, girded an immense pow- der-horn on his side, tlirust his sound leg into a Hessian boot, and clapping his fierce little war-hat on the top of his head, paraded up and down in front of his house, deter- mined to defend his beloved city to the last. While all these struggles and dissensions were prevailing in the unhappy city of New Amsterdam, and while its wor- thy but ill-starred governor was framing the above-quoted letter, the English commanders did not remain idle. They had agents secretly employed to foment the fears and clam- ors of the populace, and moreover circulated far and wide through the adjacent country a proclamation repeating the terms they had already held out in their summons to sur- render, at the same time beguiling the simple Xederlandt- ers with the most crafty and conciliating professions. They promised lhat every man who voluntarily submitted to the authority of His British Majesty should retain peaceful possession of his house, his vrouw, and his cabbage-garden, that he should be suffered to smoke his pipe, speak Dutch; wear as many breeches as he pleased, and import bricks, tiles, and stone jugs from Holland, instead of manufactur- ing them on the spot; that he should on no account be compelled to learn the English language, nor eat codfish on Saturdays, nor keep accounts in any other way than by casting them up on his fingers and chalking them down upon the crown of his hat, as is observed among the Dutch yeomanry at the present day ; that every man should be allowed quietly to inherit his father's hat, coat, shoe-buckles, pipe, and every other personal appendage ; and that no man should be obliged to conform to any improvements, inven- tions, or any other modern innovations, but, on the con- trary, should be permitted to build his house, follow his trade, manage his farm, rear his hogs, and educate his chil- 31S HISTORY OF NEW YORK. dren precisely as his anoestors liad done Ijefore him from lime immemoriah Finally, tiiat he shouhl have all the benefits of free trade, and should not be required to acknowl- edge any otiier saint in the calendar than St. Nicholas, who should thenceforward, as before, be considered the tutelar saint of the city. Tiiese terms, as may be su])posed, ajjpeared very satis- factory to the people, who had a great disjiusition to enjoy their property unmolested, and a most singular aversion to engage in a contest where they could gain little nujre than honor and broken heads — the first of which they held in Shilosophic indilTerence, the latter in utter detestation, y these insidious means, therefoi-e, did the English suc- ceed in alienating the confidence and affections of the pop- ulace from their gallant old governor, whom they considered as obstiiuitely bent u})on running them into hideous misad- ventures, and did not hesitate to speak their minds freely and abuse him most heartily — behind his back. Like as a mighty grampus, when assailed and buffeted by roaring waves and brawling surges, still keeps on an un- deviating course, rising above the boisterous billows, spout- ing and blowing as he emerges, so did the infiexible Teter pursue, unwavering, his determined cai-eer, and rise, con- temptuous, above the clamors of the rabble. But when the British wai'riors found that he set their power at defiance, they dispatched recruiting ofificers to Jamaica, and Jericho, and Nineveh, and Quag, and Patchog, and all those towns on Long Island which had been subdued of yore by Stolfel Brinkerhoff, stirring up the progen} of Preserved Fish and Determined Cock and those other New England squatters to assail the city of New Amsterdam by land, while the hostile ships prepared for an assault by water. The streets of New Amsterdam now presented a scene of wild dismay and consternation. In vain did Peter Stuy- vesant order the citizens to arm and assemble on the Bat- tery. Blank terror reigned over the community. The whole party of Short Pipes in the course of a single night had changed into arrant old women — a metamorphosis only to be paralleled by the prodigies recorded by Livy as having happened at Rome at the approach of Hannibal, when statues sweated in pure affright, goats were converted into sheep, and cocks, turning into hens, ran cackling about the street. HISTORY OF NEW YORK. 319 Thus baffled in all attempts to put the city iu a state of defense, blockaded from without, tormented from within, and menaced with a Yankee invasion, even the stiff-necked will of Peter Stuyvesant for once gave wa}", and in spite of his mighty heart, which swelled in his throat until it nearly choked him, he consented to a treaty of surrender. Words cannot express the transports of the populace on receiving this intelligence ; had they obtained a conquest over their enemies they could not have indulged greater delight. The streets resounded with their congratulations ; they extolled their governor as the father and deliverer of his country ; they crowded to his house to testify their gratitude, and were ten times more noisy in their plaudits than when he returned, with victory perched upon his beaver, from the glorious capture of Fort Christina. But the indignant Peter shut his doors and windows, and took refuge in the innermost recesses of his mansion, that he might not hear the ignoble rejoicings of the rabble. Commissioners were now appointed on both sides and a capitulation was speedily arranged ; all that was wanting to ratify it was that it should be signed by the governor. When the commissioners waited upon him for this purpose they were received with grim and bitter courtesy. His warlike accoutrements were laid aside ; an old Indian night-gown was Avrapped about his rugged limbs, a red night-cap oVershadowed his frowning brow, an iron-gray beard of three days^ groAvth gave additional grimness to his visage. Thrice did he seize a worn-out stump of a pen and essay to sign the loathsome paper — thrice did he clinch his teeth and make a horrible countenance, as though a dose of rhubarb, senna; and ipecacuanha had been offered to his lips ; at length, dashing it from him, he seized his brass-hilted sword, and, jerking it from the scabbard, swore by St. Nicholas to sooner die than yield to any poAver under heaven. For two whole days did he persist in this magnanimous resolution, during which his house was besieged by the rab- ble, and menaces and clamorous revilings exhausted to no purpose. And now another course was adopted to soothe, if possible, his mighty ire. A procession was formed by the burgomasters and schepens, followed by the populace, to bear the capitulation in state to the governor's dwelling. They found the castle strongly barricadoed, and the old t nmVllY OF NEW YORK. lieio in full regimentals, with his cocked hat on his lieud, posted with a blimderhiiss at the giirret window. Tiiere was something in tiiis formidable position tliat struck even the ignoble vnlgar with awe and admiration. The brawling multitude could not but rellect with self- abasement ni)on their own pusillanimous conduct when they beheld their hardy but deserted old governor thus faithful to his i)ost like a forlorn hope, and fully j)rej)ared to defend his ungrateful city to the last. These compunc- tions, liowever, weio soon overwhelmed by the recurring tide of public apprehension. The populace arranged them- selves before the house, taking off their hats with most re- si)ectful humility. Burgomaster Uoerback, who was of that popular class of orators described by Sallust as l)eing talkative rather than elof{uent,'' stei)ped forth and ad- dressed the governor in a speech of tiiree hours' length, detailing in the most pathetic terms the calamitous situa- tion of the province, and niging him, in a constant repeti- tion of the same arguments and words, to sign the capitu- lation. 'J'he mighty Peter eyed him from his garret window in grim silence ; now and then his eye woukl glance ever the surrounding rabble, and an indignant grin, like that of an angry mastiff, would mark his iron visage. But, though a man of most undaunted mettle, though he had a heart as big as an ox and a head that would have set adamant to scorn, yet, after all he was a mere mortal. Wearied out by these repeated oppositions and this eternal haranguing, and perceiving that unless he complied the inhabitants would follow their own inclination, or rather their fears, without waiting for his consent, or, what was still worse, the Yankees would have time to pour in their forces and claim a share in the conquest, he testily ordered them to hand up the jiaper. It was accordingly hoisted to him on the end of a pole, and having scrawled his name at the bottom of it, he anathematized them all for a set of cow- ardh', mutinous, degenerate poltroons, threw the capitula- tion at theii heads, slammed down the window, and was heard stumping down stairs with vehement indignation. The rabble incontinently took to their heels ; even the burgomasters were iiot slow in evacuating the premises, fearing lest the sturdy Peter might issue from his den and greet them with some unwelcome testimonial of his dis- pleasure. EISTOdT OF NEW YORK. 321 Within three hours after the surrender a legion of Brit- isli beef-fed warriors poured into New Amsterdam, taking possession of the fort and batteries. And now might be heard from all quarters the sound of hammers made by the old Dutcli burghers in nailing np their doors and win- dows to protect tlieir vrouws from these tierce barbarians, whom tlicy contemphited in silent sullenness from the gar- ret windows as they paraded throngh the streets. Thus did CoU)nel Kicliard Nichols, the commander of the British forces, enter into quiet possession of the con- quered realm as locum tenois for the Duke of York. The victory was attended with no other outrage than that of changing the name of the province and its metropolis, which tlienceforth were denominated New York, and so have continued to be called unto the present day. The in- habitants, according to treaty, were allowed to maintain quiet possession of their proi)erty; but so inveterately did they retain tlieir abhorrence of the British nation that in a private meeting of the leading citizens it was unani- mously determined never to ask any of their conquerors to dinner. NOTE Modern Listorians assert tliat when tlie New Netherlands were thus overrun by the British, as Spain in ancient days by the Sara- cens, a resolute bund refused to bend the neck to the invader. Led by one Garret Van Horne, a valorous and g-igantic Dutchman, they crossed the bay and buried themselves among the marshes and cab- bage-gardens of Comniunipaw. as did Pelayo and his followers iimong the mountains of A^sturias. Here their descendants have remained ever since, keeping themselves apart, like seed corn, to repeople the city with the genuine breed whenever it shall be effect- ually recovered from its intruders. It is said the genuine descend- ants of the Nederlandters who inhabit New York still look with longing eyes to the green marshes of ancient Pavonia, as did the conquered Spaniards of yore to the stern mountains of Asturias, considering tliese the regions whence deliverance is to come. » 322 EliSTOliY OF I^hlV YORK. CIIAP'rKK ("ONTAlNIN(i THK Dl ( ; M l-l Kl) KKTI ItK.M KNT AND MUKTAl. SLliKENDKK OF I'ETEll THK II KADSTltUNG. 'I'll I S, then, liave I concludLM] tliis<,n'eat lii8torical eiiter- ])rit5e; but before 1 lay asitic my weary pen there yet re- mains to be })ei'formc(l one i)ious duty. If amonvell-knowing that when the great Christovallo Colon (who is vulgarly called Columbus) had once stood his egg upon its end, every one at table could stand his up a thousand times more dextrously. Should any reader tind matter of of- fense in this history, I should heartily grieve, though I would on no account (]uestion his penetration by telling him he was mistaki'U, his good nature by telling him he was captious, or his pure conscience by telling him he was startled at a shadow. Surely when so ingenious in finding olTense where none was intended, it were a thousand pities he should not be sulTered to enjoy the benefit of his discovery. I have too high an o})inion of the understaiuling of my fellow-citizens to think of yiel'ding them instruction, and I covet too much their good will to forfeit it by giving them good advice. 1 am none of those cynics who despise the world because it desjjises them ; on the contrary, though but low in its regard, 1 look up to it with the most perfect good nature, and my only sorrow is that it does not prove itself more worthy of the unbounded love I bear it. If, however, in this my historic production, the scanty fruit of a long and laborious life, I have failed to gratify the dainty palate of the age, I can only lament my misfort- une, for it is too late in the season for me even to hope to repair it. Already has withei ing age showered his sterile snows upon my brow ; in a little while and this genial warmth which still lingers around my heart and throbs — worthy reader, throbs kindly — toward thyself will be chilled forever. Haply, this frail compound of dust, which while alive may have given birth to naught but unprofit- able weeds, may form an humble sod of the valley, whence may spring many a sweet wild flower to adorn my beloved island of Manna-hata ! THE EKD. AVERY