MASTER NEGATIVE NO. 93-81665-3 MICROFILMED 1993 COLUMBIA UNIVERSITY LIBRARIES/NEW YORK as part of the "Foundations of Western Civilization Preservation Project" Funded by the NATIONAL ENDOWMENT FOR THE HUMANITIES Reproductions may not be made without permission from Columbia University Library COPYRIGHT STATEMENT The copyright law of the United States - Title 17, United States Code - concerns the making of photocopies or other reproductions of copyrighted materiaL Under certain conditions specified in the law, libraries and archives are authorized to furnish a photocopy or other reproduction. One of these specified conditions is that the photocopy or other reproduction is not to be "used for any purpose other than private study, scholarship, or research." If a user makes a request for. or later uses, a photocopy or reproduction for purposes in excess of "fair use," that user may be liable for copyright infringement. This institution reserves the right to refuse to accept a copy order if, in its judgement, fulfillment of the order would involve violation of the copyright law. A UTHOR: BARETTI, GIUSEPPE MARCO ANTONIO TITLE: TOLONDRON; SPEECHES TO JOHN PLA CE: LONDON DATE: 1786 Restrictions on Use: COLUMBIA UNIVERSITY LIBRARIES PRESERVATION DEPARTMENT ' Master Negative # BIBLIOGRAPHIC MICROFORM TARGET Original Material as Filmed - Existing Bibliographic Record 86C35 Ql Baretti, Giuseppe Marco Antonio, 1719-1789. Tolondron; speeches to John Bowie about his edition of Don Quixote . . . with some account of Spanish literature. London, 1786. 338 p. FILM SIZE:__3_52-2:';:M\ IMAGE PLACEMENT: lA DATE FILMED: FILMED BY: RESEARCH PUB TECHNICAL MICROFORM DATA REDUCTION RATIO: Lt3-^ INITIALS___ri_Sl__ IONS. INC WOODBRIDGE. CT //. __[r Association for information and Image Management 1100 Wayne Avenue, Suite 1100 Silver Spring, Maryland 20910 301/587-8202 Centimeter 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 mm iiiiiiiiiliiiiiiiiiliiiiiiiiiliiiiiiiiiliiiiliiiiliiiiliiiiliiiiliiiiliiiiliiiiL Inches Til m I I I I I I 11 1 II I I I I I 2 3 4 1.0 LI 1.25 1^ 2.8 2.5 IW y^ 1 M. 2.2 JT 3.6 !^ 1^ 2.0 ISi ^ u Sibu, 1.8 1.4 1.6 lllllll TTT llllllllllllllllllllll 1 m I MfiNUFfiCTURED TO flllM STRNDfiRDS BY fiPPLIED IMfiGE, INC. Columbia ®nit)f rtfitp LIBRARY ft**' ■ifll < SHSS ■llta ■ti!*1 xmr !e !:!Mil i!!*l SilH S! !■>> 8!?i^ HI iiii f ji^iaBW*L i »^. %i fl BI Pi>-i i' W i ig*''T:t' '' ^ ^-w-^---**^ TOLONDRON. SPEECHES TO JOHN BOWLE ABOUT HIS EDITION OF DON Q^U I X O T E ; TOGETHER, WITH Some Account of Spanish Literature, •>f«as* By JOSEPH, B J R E T r I. Co/a digna de emhidia Es el confuelof que gajlan , Lqs Bobos en ejie mundof Y aquella gran confanxa De que imaginany que fan Stntenclas las patocbadas, Don Aatonio de Soils. \ LONDON: Painted for R. FAULDER, New Bond Street, M,DCC,LXXXVlf At) DOCTUM MILORDUM, EPISTOLA COCAIANA. vi CO o -< ca OMacaronei Merlini, care Milorde, Qui joca fautor amas, capriciofque probas ! Cui, debata inter, Parlamentique facendas, Guftum eft privatis ludere quifquilii^ ! - Hunc tibi commendo, preclare Milorde, libellttA Scarabochiatum poco labore meo. Impertin^nzas narrat, magnafque bugias ~ Commentatoris ferio-ridiculi j * Qui multas linguas et multa idiomata Rofcens, Nefcit qiiam didicit matrls ab ore puer : Qui bravo binas Quixoto praefcidit aures, Nafum Sanchoni fanguineumque dedit t Qui, tanquam futor veteramentarius eflet, Johnfono inlpeglt fcommata foeda foplio : Qui, fine vergognse grano, quafi rana, coaxat^ Innocuas operas vilificando meas* 1G3344 A [ iv ] Hlc cg9 tentp fuum livorcm obtimdere iniquutn, Quo mundum totum peftiferaie velit : Tcnto, 11 critico randello rumpere dorfum Mulefcum poflum, dando, redando bene. O fi Flacceiis mea Mufa tonaret iambis, Et rabies numeris Archilochea foret ! Praecipitem hunc agerem, donee, velut ipfe Lycambes^ Fune fibi coUum fregerit ante diem ! Anne probent Britones, Scoti, Hibernique libcllum Stregonus tantum vatic inare poteft. At, fi Milordum, venefonis inftar aroftae, Dclcdat, bene fit ! fin minus, ah, chime ! A PREFACE, M^ich is no Preface. 'Tp O my indubitable knowledge, there is no Bookmaker in all England, and I might as well fay in all France, or any other country you pleafe, but what finds It a very puzzling affair to contrive his firft page fo cleverly, as to make fnre of his Reader's good wifhes, when on the eve of going a journey to Scribbleland : and this is punftually my cafe* To- morrow, or next day at fartheft, I am refolved to fet out for it, be the roads ever fo bad, the feafon unpropitiotis, and the hopes of fuccefs uncertahi : and to befpeak thofe good wiflies, you may well guefs, is what T have now mightily at heart, as it is very uncomfortable on fuch occafions, not to have a friendly foul to bid you good-bye : but, whether that my Fancy has loft the ufe of her A z leg € legs by flaying conftantly at home, thefe five years, and will not fee me a ftep of the way, or that my queer fubject, defirous to be my fole attendant on this jaunt, has locked her up in her dormitory ; I queftion very much, whether fhe wiU fee me at all before my departure, as (he ufed kindly to do in the days of yore. Well : I will fend to her again this afternoon, and try if I can at leaft induce her to lend me a few words for the above pur- pofe ; a favour fhe can fcarcely refufe, confidering what intimate friends we have been once. If fhe comes, well and good ; the Reader fnall have the cuflomary page : if fhe comes not, he mufl endeavour to fhlft w ithout it, as I cannot do, but w^hat I can do. Mean while, that I may not be quite idle, to beguile the time, and fill up the interim, I will amufe myfelf with making a Speech to a certain Editor of Don Qu^ixote ; and, if the by-flanders have nothing better to do, I beg they will honour it with their attention. TOLON- 't T O L O N D R O R SPEECH THE FIRST. Uft di Cofiofy cbe ban I* aninta per f ale Acciocchk la. carnaccia non Ji guajiiy Se lo fotejfet mi faria del male. Niccolo Fortegucrri. ' I ^ H E firfl: time, I ever faw you, my ,-*' good Mr. Bowie, was at a Tavern* in Holborn, where your friend Captain Crookfhanks invited me to dine with half a dozen dilettantes of the Spanifh tongue, among w^hom I was to fee your worfhip, a man celebrious for his unbounded learn- ing, who was foon to publifh an Edition of Don Quixote in the original language, the very befl edition the world had ever be- held ; together with a Comment on it, the mofl marvellous of all comments. As I took it for granted, that the coii- verfatlon there was to run in Spanifh, I A 3 pre- i 6] prepared myfelf for it by a hafty review of my ftore, in order to bring my mind to think in Spanifli, that I might contri- bute my little (hare to the fatisfa^ion of the company : but not fmall was my furprife on finding, that we were to fpeak Englifh in compliment to Mr. Editor and Commentator, who declared without blufliing, that he could not utter a fylla- ble of Spanifli, nor underftand a word of it, when fpoken. A fpecial Editor (faid I to myfelf) that does neither fpeak, nor underftand the language of the book he is going to publifli ! How the deuce will he be able to place the accents right on the words of a language, that requires fo many as the Spanifli does, if his ear, unacquainted with the pronunciation, direfts him not ?— -However, I kept that thought to myfelf, as I was not to an- fwer for the corredlnefs of the edition, and i [7 and the Editor's reputation was not in my keeping. On my entering the tavern, you in particular received me with great polite- nefs, and endeavoured to make me recoi- led, that eight or nine years before, we had met in a Bookfeller's fliop, where, on your apprizing me of your intended edition, I had been fo kind (as you phrafed it) to make you a prefent of I know not what pamphlet, that might be of fome little ufe with regard to your enterprife ; to which piece of good breed- ing I frankly anfwered, that I merited no thanks at all, having perfeftly forgotten the tranfaction, together with your name and perfon, having unfortunately never i>ad an opportunity to renew my ideas of you and your edition ; and that was really the cafe. But, Sir, though that was the cafe, was not my little prefent A 4 C^^ 8] (if ever I made it) a proof, that I had conceived no averfion to you and your enterprife, the firft time that I heard of it from yourfelf in the bookfeller's fhop? Our dinner vi^as jovial, and for a covple of hours we feemed much pleafed with each other. Prefently after dinner, a Printer's boy brought you a Iheet of your edition, and you went to a fide- table to correct it. Your talk fiuifhed, I begged to give a look to the .flieet ; and was not a little furprifed, on carting my eyes upon the firit line, to find, as I had juft thought It would happen, that every accent was either wanting, or mifplaced. I alked you, whether that was your laft revife, and you anfwered in the affirmative;,, which made me jocularly advife yoH to have one more, as fheets were not to be corrected whilft the bottle was in circu- lation. ' [9- lation. My hint was friendly, but was loft ; for, inftead of taking it, and alking me what errors I perceived in your revife, you fnatched it out of my hand, telling me with a pretty iimper, thzt you were fure of your corre^ions: and dlfmifling the boy with it, fat down again with us, mightily contented with your brave per- formance. What judgment I formed of you and your abilities, as an editor of Don Quixote, may eafily be gueffed by this firft token you gave me of them. It was plain, that your book would prove perfectly ufeiefs to all clafl'es of readers, and even hurtful to all learners of that tongue, if you were to be the Corrector. However, as I faid before, your reputation as an Hifpanift, and your profits as an Editor, were no concerns of mine, and I was fatisfied, that I had not yet fubfcribed my three guineas. ,f t! I: guineas, which was enough for me, what- ever might be my defire to fee a faultlefs edition of Don Quixote ; a thing, that has not yet been effected to this day in Spain, in England, or any where elfe. Being a perfect ftranger to you, I knew not how you would take any advice I could offer without your alking for it : therefore, I offered none, kn4)wing very well, that, £s cofa de majadero Elmeterfe a Gmfejero Ado ves que no te Uamau ; and being likewife but lightly acquainted with Captain Crookfhanks, I did not think proper to tell him, that your book would not do ; but contented myfelf with re- fufing him my folicited fubfcription, as too dear for my finances : yet feeling an uneafy fenfation, as I revolved in my mnid the ftrange blunder you were going to commit, I made one effort more, before before wc parted company, and tendered you my affiftance in the correction of your flieets, as I heard you lived in Wiltfhire, and could not, of courfe, fee your printer often: but my offer was declined, becaufe you trujled your corre£iion io no body, hut your felf^ as you emphatically anfwered. — Well done ! thought I again. The man is infatuated with his know- ledge : but time will come, that he will find himfelf in a pretty pickle !— How- ever, was not my tender a fecond proof, that I was quite friendly to your entcr- prife ? What motive, what (hadow of motive could I have, to be inimical to it ? I had no edition of my own to fell in competition. It happened five or fix years after that date, that a gentleman invited me to fpend a fummer at his countiy-houfe, and to teach a little Spanilh to bis two fons, whom '! i whom he intended foon to fend on their travels, and to Spain in particular. To bring that teaching about, I took with me, among other books, my Don Quixote : but as the reading of three out of one book proved inconvenient, the young gentlemen requefted Captain Crookfhanks, who lived in the neighbourhood, to help 13S to one or two examplaries more ; and he fent us Tonfon's edition, and yours, which I had never feen, nor heard any character of, good, or bad, fince I had parted from you in Holborn. On cafting my eye upon yours, I fud- denly recolleded the fheet I had feen at the tavern, which made me look into it with foLTie eagernefs: and your rageful Letkr to the Diviniiy-DoSior, wherein you call me an ignorant fellow in point of Spa- ni(h, forces me to tell you, (not at all out of pique, whatever you may imagine, but [ 13 but for the mere fake of truth) that I found your Edition even worfe, than I had ;^ preconceived. On a clofe infpeflion, dear Mr. John Bowie, I had plenty of reafon to wonder at fuch an editor and com- mentator ! The "Text, upon an average, has forty or fifty errors (that I. may not fay fixty or feventy) in every page, moftly produced by your perfed ignorance of the pronunciation, as I (hall (hew you at large in its due place ; and, as to your Notes upon it, they are either trifling, or need- lefs, or abfurd for the greateft part, which I will evince clearly enough, when I come to make my comment upon your Comment: But what (hall I fay to your two Spanj/I^ Prefaces, the one preceding your Notes, the other your Indexes of Cervantes'* words alpha- betically arranged ? How could you, Mr. John, take into your head to write them in Spanifh ? You fay in your letter to your Doftor, % X4] Dodlor, that the firft has been honoured with the approbation of an Honourable Per/on : but have you not miftaken a compliment for an approbation ? or, are you fure, that Honourable Per/ons never make game of To- londronsy when they throw themfelves in their way? Whatever approbation you may dream of, I tell you in the name of my own Inhonourable Per/on, that your Ho- nourable Per/on would take it very much amifs, were you ever to make fo free with his name, as to tell it us in print upon this fcore ; and I will tell you further, in my own name likewife, that fuch ftrange fluff, as your two Prefaces, was never penned in Spanifli, ever fince the fiege of Saguntum. Believe quite the con- trary, Mr. Preface-maker, if you choofe : but believe likewife, that, as long as you ihall believe the contrary, I will firmly believe you the arranteft 1'olondron, that 4 ever [15 I ever put pen to paper : and my readers may poffibly adopt my belief, rather than yours, before I difmifs you to your even- ing prayer?, I alkyou now this ferlous queftlon, Mr. John Bowie. How was I to a£l with my two pupils, now, that I was to ufe your edition in teaching them Spanifli ? They, as I immediately found, had by Captain Crookflianks been both fo flrongly pre- poflefled in your favour during fome years, that, the eldeft efpecially, could not but think you the greateft man England could boaft of in point of Spanifli, and almoft quarrelled with me, on hearing me call your Edition a bad edition. Yet, how could I leave them in their opinion, had I been ever fo willing to fpare you ? Was it poflible for me to read on, and not point out the errors, that were foon to give them the eye-fore ? 'Tis plain, that this was It 5f n If i6] Was not practicable by any means, had I even been as clever at a contrivance, as Merlin the magician, or Merlin the ma- chinift. I was therefore driven by the tinavoidable circumftance, to let them into a fecret, that could not be concealed, and to make them take notice, as we went on, of all your ftrange doings, by throwing a da(h under every word that was mif-ac- cented, or mif-fpelt, and writing it the right way in the margin, which was fcarcc fufficiently fpacious for this kind of work, though one of the moft fpacious that can reafonably be wiflied. The two young gentlemen advanced in the knowledge of the language with fur- prifing facility and quicknefs, as they un- derftood already fo much of Italian and French, as to read Ariojio and Moliere, be- fides their having already a pretty good ftock of Latin and Greek : and you know, that ^ , [17 that young folks will rapidly learn, when they have from their childhood been well difciplined, and accuftomed to learn. Our reading went bravely on, at the rate of fix or feven hours every morning; and at night, while I was engaged at whift or piquet, they would ftill be tooth and nail at Don Quixote till fupper-tlme. My morning work of the notes in the margin^ though in itfelf an irkfonie fort of bufi- nefs, encreafed a-pace, and would often caufe a hearty laugh, and good fun, as they call it, becaufe of the equivocations, that the omiffion or mifplacing of the ac- cents produced. Had we kept the laugh- ing and the fun to ourfelves, you had not poffibly written your wrathful Letter to the Divinity 'Dodior^ nor I thefe pages by way of an anfwer in the Doftor's flt^ad, who is likely never to anfwer it hlmfelf. But laughter and fun are of a propagating C nature, •. rr I m i 18] nature, and the urchiqs would by all means adniit Captain Crookflianks (who loves both dearly) to partake in our diver- lion ; a thing indeed unavoidable, except we had been rude to hirp, as he vifited us every morning, had made a prefent of your book to me, and infifted tb be prefent at my lefTons^ that he might fee how wc went on, and clear up at the fame time fome imperfed notions he had long con* ceived about the Editor's abfurd orthogra* . phy, and other matters. What can I fay, Mr. John Bowie ? Other vifitors partook, by degrees, of our laughter and fun ; and, as you lived not many miles off, were foon informed of my wicked doings by fome merry mifchief-maker, defirous, no doubt, to encreafe that fun and laughter ad /«• finitum. Little wits are apt to take great offence at little things ; witaefs a certain elderly lady ti9 lady of tdj acquaintance, who, but t'other day, befmeared the face of her hair* dreffer with foft pomatum, becaufe he did not make her handfome, as (he knew the ▼illain could, if be had been willing to take pains. But let us not digrefs frond the main purpofe, left I lofe any particle of your attention, Lack-a-day, my good friend, I am quite vexed, when I think, that, on your being apprifed of my mar-- gmalnot€s (the devil take 'em ^11 !) you flew into fuch a rage, that the king of Sparta's was butter-milk to it, when he firft heard the news of his naughty Nelly running away with old Priam's roguifh fon ! The ftory goes ftill about Wiltfliire and Hamp- fhire, that your firft officious informer narrowly efcaped a moft noxious afperfion, as he, unluckily and unthinkingly, im- parted to you the fad tidings while you were getting but of your bed, fb much C z were .\ i; t- 20] were you galled at fome appearance of complacence, by him betrayed while mi« nutely relating the frightful tale. But fo it is, that your Mamma begot you while fhe was fcolding her chamber-maid for not having well cleaned the parlour-fender y and that was the caufe you came into this world with fuch a difpofition to irafci- bility, as to make even your dogs (hiver, when they happen to bark in your outer* rooms, and interrupt your eternal ftudy of the Spanilh language. From that unaufpicious moment, you conceived, it is plain, fuch an unquench* able averfion to your lucklefs jinnotator^ that, in my humble opinion, is by manj yards difproportionate to the occafion I accidentally and unavoidably gave for it ; and, to let you into a fecret, as averfion breeds averfion, 1 have oii my fide taken fuch a diflike to you, that you are now as odious to me, as the fiddle of an old foot- man. [21 I * f man, whom I hear from morn to night fcrape and fcrape in my next neighbour's kitchen. A vaft deal of nonfenfe you and I are now going to pen againft each other, in confequence of our mutual antipathy : but fo much the worfe for you, that be- gan the battle, which you might as well have done without. Had any wife body been in your lkin,he would have afted quite differently on his firft hearing of my margi- nal notes. Inftead of fretting, and fuming, and fwearing,and dainning, and opening the gate quite wide to a black and tormentous paflion, a wife body would in fuch a con- tingency have come ftraightways to me, and in a bonny tone defired to fee fome of my iniquitous doings, which had certainly been granted. If then, on the infpeftion of half a dozen pages, he had found me a filly annotator, he could eafily have de- fended himfelf and his edition, by evi- C 2 dent N i 22] dent and convincing rcafons, and thus expofed me to my two pupils for an arch- type of ignorance, dullnefs, injuftice, or capricioufnefs at leaft : But if, on the other hand, and contrary to his expefta- tion, he had been perfuaded himfelf by evi dent arfd convincing reafons, that he knew little or nothing of the matter, little or nothing of what he had long dreamt he knew thoroughly ; he would have hand- fomely thanked the Annotator for having cured him thus of his long blindnefs, gone back home on a full gallop, made a heap of the whole edition in his yard, and fet It a- fire, as the honeft Curate did Don Quixote's chivalry-books, nor ever trou- bled himfelf afterwards about Spanifh lan- guage, and Spanifli authors. This is the manner in which any mag- nanimous Briton would have proceeded upon [23 upon fo trying an occafion : But magnani" mity, Mr. John, is not yet to be regiftered in the catalogue of your manifold virtues; and I am forry to fay, that, among your few foibles, there is fuch a terrible con- ceit of your thorough knowledge in point of modern languages, Spanifti in parti- cular, that, like mulk in an old drawer, has permeated and tainted the moft com- toaft parts of your wooden Ikull ; fo that, the fame wooden (kull will now require a good wafting and rubbing with iozp, fand, and boiling water, to rid it of the ftinking effluvia ; and that will not be the work of a day, upon my honour. The thorough knowledge of the Spanifh tongue is the hobby-horfe you have been riding on during fuch a length of years, that I fear you will never be brought to fell it at half price. The beaft is lineally, defcended from BajardOf the famed ftallion, who C 4 could li could at times fpcak and Hold converfation with his enamoured mailer about the coy Angelica^ as I have read, I remember not %vhere : and, being thus highly defcended, he too (nafty hobby-horfe !) will talk in imita- tion of his prattling progenitor ; and has really talked you into the ftubborn per* fuafion, that you are as fuperlative a lin- guift, as Mithridates, king of Pontus, of loquacious memory : hence the lamentable reafon that, on the above occafion, you did not axft with a becoming Britifh fpirit, to the great detriment of your daily bufi- nefs, the inceffant turning the leaves of folio diaionaries, and odavo grammars. Lack-a-day ! It was by liftening to the filly talk of that infidious animal, that your anger has now gotten fuch a fuper- fetation of wrath, as is abfolutely beyond the medical powers of Dodor Munro to remove either ; and that, like a bull dif- appointed [^5 appointed of his white heifer, you now run about the Wiltfhirc hundreds, loudly bellowing againft me, as if I had robbed you of every comfort of life by thofe notes in your margins. But hark ye, Mr. John Bowie ! It is never too late to mend ; and there is no hobby-horfe upon the face of the earth, but what any editor or com- mentator will fubdue, be his mettle ever fo high, If the editor or commentator will but valiantly go about it. Take my ad- vice, Mr. John Bowie: Set only your whole edition, text and comment, a-fire in your yard, and place the beajj; a leeward of the burning pile; and I lay you a Spanlih doubloon to a maravedi, the very firft whiff of the fmoke that enters his noftrils, deprives him of his pernicious power of talking: and the horfe once dumb, you are a made man, and recover from your diftemper, to the great com- 4 fort i % * I's I a6] fort and fatisfadlioti of your numerous friends and well-wifherSj who have long been mourning at the lofs of that plump- nefs, which ufed to irradiate hitherto your cheeks, and encreafe the natural ro- tundity of your chin. I fay, that, on your firft hearing of my marginal Notes, you became fo frantic and defperate, that, with your wig all awry, you flopped every body in the ftreet, and fell a felling each one of my pail:, prefent, and future iniquities, though not one in ten thoufand had ever heard of my name, and though you your- felf had feen me but once at a tavern, and once at Captain Crookihanks's about a fortnight or three weeks before ; of courfe, knew juft as much of my ini* quitles, or no-iniquities, as you do of the prefent Kan of the Ufbeck Tartars. And what was tlie confequence of that fran- frantlcknefs and defperation I Dear by- ftanders, I will tell you, if you are at leifure to hear it ! The Goddefs of the hundred trumpets, as chatty a jade as ever was born, quickly apprifed me of it; and informed me befides, that the ' roJondron was aftually fcheming and com- paffing no lefs than my utter annihilation as a man of literature ; which annihilation was to be accompanied with circumftances quite direful, tremendous, and never heard of before by man, woman, or child. All this chimney-fire, however, I flattered myfelf (and who does not flatter himfelf ?) would, in about a week or two, end in fmoke, and that, in a fober hour, Mr. John Bowie, like a good Chriftian, would give up all his ideas of revenge, and bear my tnargiml Notes as other people bear misfortunes, that amount not to the lofs of an elbow, a knee, or a great toe : and in II If-i Ml- ii 28] in hd:, three complete years elapfed, that I heard but very feldom of Mr, John Bowie and his miftegotten wrath, in which long interval I had almoft forgotten both him and his Don Qmxote, and thought of him little more than of the man in the moon. But, oh Jupiter and Juno ! Too veridic did he at laft make the report of the goffiping Goddefs ! For, within thefc feventeen months (fome fay eighteen) he worked fo hard, as to produce the above-mentioned Letier to a Div'mity.Do£lor, quite as dreadful as the Pope's bull In cana Domitu, if not more. Zooks ! It was in that annihilating letter, that Mr. Bowie, you, you, Mr. John Bowie, faid, in an annihilating tone, as how there was in London-town an " odd fellow, ycleped Jofeph Baretti, who, to your moft po- fitive knowledge, knows no Spanifli at *' all ; is a compleat ignoramus in French fi ii ^. I"' 3SJ that circumftancc, as few folks will ever be brought to bolt it down, that I would go wantonly myfelf to tell half a dozen worthy gentlemen fuch a ftory of piyfelf. Dear Mr. Bowie, did you not fee, that, by making fuch an impudent rogue of me, you have made an impudent Tolondron of yourfelf ? And, moreover, what need bad you to tell your honeft meaning, as it were, in hugger-mugger ? Could you not have it out boldly, and without involving it in a filly gibberifli, made up of Italian, Portuguefe, and Englifh ? Why fuch an interlardatlon of exotic w^ords with your own main language ? Dear Bowie ! leave off in future this tolondron- manoeuvre of jumbling languages together, when there is no urgent neceffity for it, as in all likelihood you will not find every day and every where, fuch Ikilful interpreters as [39 as I am, of your tenebrious way of writing. But my ftolMi watch tells me, that it is now near twelve : and it is time for me to go to bed. To-morrow I will rife earlier than ufual, to make a fecond fpeech to your worfhip. Go you to fleep likewife, that you may be up as foon as I call you. Good night, John Tolon- dron, good night. D4 TOLON- ! f l f'K [R TOLONDRON. SPEECH THE SECOND. C»n roftro firme^ y conferena frente^ Como habU el hidefuta^ y como miente / liidro de Figuera. BY the trouble I took laft night to explain your paflage about the ftolen watch, In order to make your honefty and ingenuity ihine forth and dazzle the ^ eyes of your- readers, you may fee, Mr. John Bowie, that I have both your lite- rary and moral intereft at heart, and, of courfe, that I do not quite deferve the charming charader you have been pleafed to give me in your annihilating letter, wherein you fay, and I apprehend with fome inconfideratenefs, that I have afuper- ohundance of gall In my ink, and that my pen is dipt in double poijon, which makes me write with acrimony, rancour, and virulence. But, how came your Tolondronfliip tp dream, that I ever did you the honour to write [41 write a line againft you, or about you in all my born days ? Why will you make yourfelf of importance in people's eyes, . by falfely telling them, that you have- been written- againft, when neither I, nor any living foul, ever thought of fuch a^ thing ? True it is, that, as chance would have it, I made marginal notes on your^ edition and comment of Don Quixote, for the inftruflion of two difciples, and threw a multitude of dafhes under a mul- titude of petty errors, committed by you throughout that edition and that com- ment : but notes and dafhes admit of no gall, of no double 'poijon, of no acrimony, ran-^^ cour, and virulence ; therefore they could not warrant your calling me a wafpijh Reviewer ^ who endeavours to bias people by mifreprefenta^ tion, ignorance, and prejudice, efpecially as you never would call on us to give them a look, which It was in your power to do. No more did they warrant you to fay, that I am capable of jaying any thing ; that I might cut a figure in the " Parcbeles de Malaga,^ which may mean, that I am a rogue and a cheat ; / I Is*. 4^1 a cheat ; that I am a malignant interpreter of other people's literary labours \ that I have no regard to truth ; that my tenets are only acceptable to the moft feculent part of the hu^ man race ; that I am an evil fpeaker with a tongue like a razor ; that I am any hodys agent for defamatory purpofes ; that I am cruely barbarous, inhuman^ favage, and (o forth. Indeed, indeed, Mr. John, this fenfelefs rant you will do better by half to abftain from in all your future lucubra- tions, for the reafon, that I have lived the bejft part of my life in this your country^ and not in Kamtfchatka ; and am, of courfe, perfonally known to a confiderable number of your countrymen and country- women, for a fober, peaceful, and ftudious man, who lives the greateft part of his time at home, and has for thefe many years delighted in nothing but books and amicable converfation. Take care oi: yourfelf, you great Tolondron, left by your fenfelefs rant, you run the danger of being thought, by my numerous acquain- tance at leaft, not a native of their ifland, o but (43 but an Ourang-Outang, imported from Borneo in fome Dutch fhip, and miffed on the Hampftiire coaft by the careleffnefs of his keeper. Indeed, Mr. Bowie, this fame rant of yours, is rather the grinning mutter of that, or fome fuchlike beaft, than the language of a Briton : and you know but little of the people you live amcngft, if you think they wall approve of fuch a phrafeology in the mouth of one of their countrymen. Be a poor Tolondron as long as you live : there will be no great harm in it : but a0bme not the Ourang- Outang any more, if you intend to fave your Ikin from being fcnt, foon or late, toSir Afhton Lever^s mufeum, and placed in the moft confpicuous part of his gallery. That I have many and many excep* tionable qualities, I will eafily allow. 1 am a man, and of courfe a {inner ; and I heartily wifh it were otherwife : yet, I cannot by any means perfuade myfelf, that my fins have been increafed, w^hen I made marginal notes on your Don ^ixote ; nor f •4 nor did ever, as yet, any man of literature, pr any other reafonable being, dream that he does a wrong and wicked thing, who points out to his pupils in private, or to the world in general, the errors committed by Editors and Commentators of books ; nor was ever an inofFenfive Critic madly called inhuman^ barbarous, favage, cruel, for having marked down in his own book, accents mifplaced, idioms that are no idioms, verfes fpoiled in the tranfcription, or other fuch ridiculous faults, produced by the ftupidity of a proud pedant, who never would floop to confult, but his own filly felf, when going upon an enterprife greatly above his acquired capacities. Pririt away, my honeft Jack; print, at any rate, the moft extravagant falfehoods of me. Call me ^ rogue, a cheat, a pick- pocket, an evil-fpeaker, a defamer, a Turk, aLeftrlgon, an Anthropophagus,any thing you pleafe. Far from retaliating with fimilar, or worfe names, I will be fatisfied with terming you a 'Tolondron^ and a To/on^ (iron Us dron again, until I fee you mend for the better. v However, Mr. John Bowie, take not this intended meeknefs of mine in fuch a fenfe, as to believe, that I want, by the indireft means of a mild deportment, to blunt the edge of your wit, when, as you threaten, you {hall fet about reviewing, /^r exUnfum, every thing I ever publifhed in any language, and write my Life into the bargain. So far from intending to check your wit and genius, when you (hall think proper to arraign my knowledge, or no knowledge, of this, and that, and t'other thing, I exhort you, on the contrary, to do it with as much briiknefs and vigour as your innate gloominefs and tolondronery will permit : for, to tell it you between friends, I naturally hate as much a water- gruel critic, and a controvertift, that has no fpunk, as I hate a dunghill cock, that runs into the cow-houfe, when he fpies a kite hovering over the farm-yard. But ftill ! Can't you bring yourfelf to fpeak and write, as all well-bred folks do, with m 46] with temper and good-huriiour, even when the pot of resentment Is boiling ? Can't you rally and banter, and be gamefome, inftead of playing the Hyena, and endea- vour to bite off people's flefh from people's bones ? Do you tiot know, as yet, that it is a moft hateful trick to embroider with atrocious lies and calumnies a droll and laughable ftory, told in a convivial hour ? Do you not know, that, noting filly errors in the margins of books, is nbt robbing people of their moral charafters, no moi€ than of their guineas and half-guineas ? Can't you, in fhort, carry on a war (and a ridiculous one too) without breaking the laws of hoftility to an enemy, who never took, nor ever will take, any advantage of you, but what fhall fairly be given him by your malice and tolondronery ? Dear Jack, if you will have me be your enemy, be it fo, and good fpeed to me ! but let us be gallant enemies, that fight with their coats on, and not ftripped to the Ikin, like oftlers and ftable-boys. Let us pull each .other's wig and cravat, if coming within [47 grafp, and even give each other a good rap on the knuckles, when either fhall awk- wardly prefent his clenched fift to the other's eye or nofe ; but let us not run a kitchen-fpit into each other's guts about accents, or no accents, about idioms, or no idioms^ about right-written verfes, or wrong-written verfes; and other fuch petty nonfenfe. I will take my oath of it, that your Letter to your Doftor is a very flovenly fpecimen of your Ikill in the art of writing letters to doclors : and had you to deal with an adverfary Icfs foft-Hvered than L you would doubtlefs, by that fame letter,i have brought upon yourfelf a much {harper animadverfion than mine are likely to be. You may pofllbly recoikd a line of Que-. vedo, that fays : Ti^ne fu that it means Jlrects^ 1 will prove with an authority nearer at hand, and altogether an authority of fuch irrefragability, that Mr. [67 Mr. Bowie himfelf will admit as' a moll: excellent one without the leaft hefitation. ^And what authority is that ? Shall I tell It, or fliall I not ? Yes, I will tell it, were '1 to undergo the flrappado* Look into your own Comment, Mr. Bowie, and there you =will find, that Ton yourfelf are my authority. Can I produce a better? There, Jack, there you will find, that you wrote with your own hand, and out of your own noddle, thefe three oracular words on that very paflkge-— '* Acojlumbradas y quiza ** calks'"^ — that is; acojlumbradas , perhaps Jlreets. This quotation from your own comment, befides proving what I faid, that acojlumbradas means Jlreets^ proves alfo, that your noddle, a-s fomewhat thicker than other folks' noddles, could not receive the meaning of that word at One blow: therefore vou modlhed it with your foolifh perhaps : but my noddle, lefs thick by a few inches than yours, ad- mitted it at once without any falvo. En- deavour you to underftand it fo for the F 2 future, ft i 68] I-. ill future, Mr. Bowie, and leave off your perhaps, which are quite ridiculous in fuch clear cafes as this. Nor do you come, in your abfurd way, and artfully dropping the main point of the queftion, to tell me, that acojlumbradas, being a cant word (as I affureyou it is) the Royal Academicians were right in rejecting it from their dictionary, in fpite of my contrary opi- nion. Such an attempt at retaliation would be but a very filly one, I affure you. The Academicians are not to be blamed, if in a firft edition of fo volumi- nous a work as their didionary, they hap- pened to leave that cant word out of it, along with many others : but, in another edition, it is moft likely that they will not omit it, as they know, that the chief purpofe of dictionaries is, to regifter all the words ufed by writers, that readers may have recourfe to them, when they happen not to underftand this or that. Having turned the leaves of that dictionary with a diurnal and nofturnal hand, during the 1^ ^ • [69 the fourteen years you have been employed in the compilation of your mighty Com- ment, you ought tp know that the Spa- nifti academicians have not been fo ab- furd, as to rejeft their cant-words from their work; and you know on the con- trary, that they have tranfcribed into it almoft the whole dictionary of thofe words, compiled by Juan Hidalgo. But fhall I m-ake fo free, as. to tell you how you came with your creft erected to affure me, that acojlumbradas meant not calks? Your dull brains, when you commented upon that word, laid fquat ufon Cer-i- vantes' paffage, and all the Englifli tranfla- tors were fpread open before you, ready to help you to this and that meaning: No wonder, therefore, if you went within a perhaps of the meaning of it. But your hernious memory, happening to lofe the bandage applied to it by thofe tranflators, down went that poor meaning when you wrote the letter to your Divinity-Doftor ; and fo, like a ruptured Tolondron, arro- F 3 gantly I* t. '7^3 gantly afked me the filly queftion you alked. Do not (o again, Mafter Johnny^ and look before you jump, left you break your nofe again. Still with too much arrogance by half, you tell me, that never any body, but myfelf, made the fagacious difcovcry^ that precios means anos^ ** years." To convi£t you again of tolondronery, and ft ill quoting you as my authority, I muft tell you, that, in the firft edition of Don Quixote, given by Cervantes himfelf in Madrid, and in the fecond, made in Valencia, both bearing the date of 1605, there is a paffage, that runs thus: '* Con- ** cluiofe la caufa, acomodaronme las e- ** fpaldas con ciento, y por anadidura tres ^' precios de gurrapas." The London Edi- tion by Tonfon has this pafl'age in the fame words, and fo has that of Amfter- dam, copied from it. But you, that know Spanifti much better than me by a great many yards, leaning on another e- dition made in Madrid in 1608, and, not under- underftandlng the cant-word precios in the above period, fubftituted anos in your own edition ; and this you did filently, without apprifing us with the cogent rea- fons, that induced you to prefer the read- ing of the third edition of Don Quixote, to the reading of the two firft, and of many fubfequent ones. A fpecial Editor you, that will not conform to a text given by the author himfelf, and take the liber- ty to adopt another, poffibly adulterated in other paffages, as well as in this, that I have quoted, for the forcible reafon, that you underftand '^4 not ! But pray, mafter mine. Is your ignorance a fuffici- ent warrant for your not conforming to a text ? You may fay, yes ; but I fay, no. You may however anfwer, in extenuation of your deviation from that text, that when you printed your book, you were not poffeifed of Don Quixote's firjl edition, and that you thought better to follow any other, than fruftrate the world of your Herculean labours, moft anxioufly expeft- ed both in England and in Spain, by e- F 4 very !^' M* 7A very body, that has a nofe m the middle of his face. But, good Jack, urge not folame an apology, kfl I anfwer, that you tell not truth, Ybu yourfelf, in a moft unlucky hour, have tagged to your edition the va^ rious readings of the three firft editions, and there informed us, that the firjl and fecond have frecm Inftead of anos. Will you ever have the effrontery to deny the evidence of thofc various readings given by your ow^n felf? How came you then ftupidly to rail at my fagacious dijcovery^ which was no difcovery at all, except you call a dif^ ccnrry every little |eep given to your filly Comment ? The fiigacious difcovery was yours, who, not underftanding the word precics in the two firft editions of Don Quixote, had recourfe to the third, which helped you out of your puzzle by the word afios^ whereof the fignification is more obvious than the other, and to be found in any Spanifh diftionary, which, unluckily for you, is not the cafe with the v^ord precios. Let me tell it you again. Jack : Look before you jump, and fuffer to [73 to be advlfed, that henceforwards you muft not be in a hurry in contradiaing any thing 1 advance, left I quote again yourfelf againft yourfelf, to ipake your friend Mr. Smith laugh at you in his {leeve* In fpite, however, of my not-at-all- fagacious difcovery of your infidelity to Cervantes' text, to which you had fo- lemnly promifed, in your propofals many years ago, you would moft religioufty adhere, let me not prefs very hard on your having preferred one edition to another, as, at the very worft, your reading ams inftead of precios, was but a peccadillo, to be waftied off, as they fay at Rome, with a fpoonful of holy water. The ftory of the Knight and his Squire is not injured in the leaft by fo trifling an alteration as that ; and both heroes may ftill rove on about the Mancha in fearch of kingdoms and iftands without any hin- drance. I want not to triumph over fo pitiful an adverfary as poor John Bowie, . in in good troth the moft pitiful adverfary that « man of literature could ever have ftumbled upon. By convicting him of great and fmall miftakes, of great and fmall deviations from Cervantes* text, I only want to drive into his poor noddle, that he is as yet many furlongs from being the mighty Hifpanift he has long taken himfelf to be; and I v^^ant to make him comprehend, if poffible, that fuch a Tolondron as he, muft not put too many petulant or fierce queftions to me, if ever he refolves to write more letters to his Divinity -Doctor about Don Quixote, about Spanifh language, or indeed about any other thing imaginable. Modefty and diffidence will, at all events, do him much more good, than fiercenefs or pe- tulance, as, by the grace of God, we have two eyes as well as he, and can poffiblj cut a goofe-cjuill much better than hi can, whatever his own haughty tolon- dronery may make him believe, either h his cups, or out of his cups. I am not, 75] not, as he fays, capable pf faying my thing : but I am more than capable to fay, over and over, and prove it over and over too, that he had done originally much better to mind the improvement of his farm, than to meddle with Don Quixote, as he has done por fus pecados thefe twenty years paft, to the great annoyance now of every body, that fortuitoufly happens to hear ofit. TOLON. I TOLONDRON. SPEECH THE FOURTH. ^id tmmerentes hofpites vexas cams Ignavus adverfum lupos? Q. Horatius Flaccus. YOU affure me, good Mr. Bowie, and with the greateft gravity, that, among other innumerable faults and ble- mifhes, my Spani(h Differtatipn has that of not being idiomatically written, that the didlion of it is afFefted, and that it has furnifiied you with words and phrafes you never had the luck to meet in twenty years almoft daily reading. To prove all thcfe allegations efFe£tu- ally, what have you done ? Oh the mighty Hifpanift ! Oh tha formidable Critic ! Oh the immenfe Tolondron ! You have felected out of the Diflertation one word^ and two phrafes^ none of them half as long as your little finger ; and woe to me, if you had thought of pitching upon feveral [77 feveral doien as big as your thigh ! Pne of thofe two phrafes is, the proverbial one de cabo en rabo, which you will have to be no better, than an Angllclfm, becaufe it fo happens, that the EngllQi fay hke- • wife /row head to tail. But to what purpofe, poor John, have you ftudied Spani(h thefe twenty years and upwards, when you miftake for an Anglicifm, as good an Hifpanifm as ever was born ? You Mufes, Nymphs. Dryads, Hamadryads, or what you are, of the Guadixa and the Guadalquivir, come to affift me on this preffing occafion, and, if not profe, give me verfe fufficient to convince this Tolondroniffimo, that the phrafe de cabo en rabo is loudly echoed morning, noon and night, along the banks, that keep your cryftalline waters from overflowing in dry weather ! Huzza . My prayer was heard at this great diftance from Spain, and granted fo compleatly; that I fee verfes enough to pick and choofe for authorities, dancing and fklppmg all about me! Here they arc the pretty things, lis ^' fM 78] things, and each one written in a genunic Spanifli hand. Will you believe me, Mafter John, that here I have tl>em ail before my eyes ; or will you put me to the trouble of tranfcription I Believe thee, 1 urinefc ? No', to be fure ! Never will I believe a Turiuefe as long as I live ! Prove away, prove away without any further ado ! Quote authori- ties, I fay ; or I will Iwear, that thou telleft nothing but damned lies. Jack, you are not goodnatured, indeed, by talking to me in this ftram : Yet you are right. I have fworn, (and if I have not, I fwear now) that I will never take your affirmation w^ithout a pledge : there* fore you have a right to demand tlie fame of rne. I love fair dealing 'tween man and man, as much as I do apple-tarts and petty-patties J and black upon white is a better fecurity than bare words : there- fore I will do here what is generally done on fimilar occafions ; that is, I will produce my authorities, and from fuch illuftrious Spanilh writers, that you ihall not eafily I challenge 79I challenge as not fufficiently claffical, though you may poffibly not find them on the ftielves of your library, as I did not fee them in the catalogue of the books, with which you decorated your Edition of Don Quixote. You fay, Mr. John, that in the courfe of twenty years, among other Spanifti Authors, you have read Ribadeneira' s Flos SanSlorum: but have you ever read that other work of the fame Author, entitled Flos Stultorumf Ribadeneira, in a ftiort Zarzuela, entitled El Editor fnfefo, makes Maripojay a coy Ghana, or Gypfy, alk the Graciofo this queftion : « Como llamas a efte cero " De cabo en rabo majadero ?" To which the Graciofo anfwers : " Preguntas por el Bolocho « De cabo en rabo tonto y tocho ? « Maldito el fi yo lo fe : « Puparo, peparo, papare.' And here, as a marginal note teljs us, the Graciofo kicks about, and cuts a great many capers. Have* .^ »> I'll I il in 80] Have you any thirlg to fay to this quotation from your beloved Ribadeneira ? Now for another from the facetious Chufleteneira^ who, in his fecond book, chapter the fecond, page the fecond, co* lumn the fecond, and line the fecond, (you fee I can be as exadl as you in my quotations) fpeaking of a ball given by the Alcalde of Mofadilla^ upon occafion,that one Juan Boh was chofen Mofen^ or Vicar of that Aldeguela^ regifters a lively Xacara that was fung and danced by the boys and girls admitted to partake of that feaft. The Xacara runs thus : Canton las Mozas ; that is, The Girh Sirtr^* " Vaya vaya de Xacara, " Gallardos Zagalejos, ^ Si fois los bucnos paxaros ♦* Que pareceis de lejos : " Cantad y bailad, " Bailad y cantad " Dc nueftro Mofen Bolo *' Chichiricholo, ** Chichirichon, • De cabo en rabo Tolondron. Cantan [Sr Cantan los Mozos ; that is, the Boys/mg. « Vaya vaya de Xacara, « Taimadas Rapazuelas : " Llevad con garbo picaro « Al aire las chinelas: « Cantad y bailad, « Bailad y cantad " De nueftro Mofen Bolo « Chichiricholo, « Chichirichon, *' De cabo en rabo Tolondron.'* Thefe two quotations, Mr. Bowle, ought to fatisfy you quite with regard to the legitimacy of my phrafe : but, as I am of a liberal, rather than of a diabolical nature, as you would make me believe I am, here goes another quotation out of the heroic poem, entitled El Comentador Charlatan, lately publiQied by Don Lope Bufonadaneira, who calls himfelf Munidor de la devota Cofradia de los Truhanes Manchegos y Eftremenos. Thus does this great Epopeian defcribe his principal hero, a haughty Presbiterillo called Juanito Bajiarduco, in the fecond ftanza of his fecond Canto : G '^No 1*'' / Il-, S2^ *' No fc fi fu Merced cs hembra, o mach^, ^*^ Eunuco, hermafrodita, o cueroj o bota : " Si fabe a Ingles, a galgo, o a moharracho, ^^ Si es olla hendida, o calabaza rota : " Si tiene tina, o farna, o (i vi gacho ; " Ni fi es zago dc iglefia, o de picota : *' Si Ueva, o no, per cala.vera un nabo ; " Mas (e, que es Charlatan de cabo en rabo. My dear Mr. John Bowie, believe mc when I tell you, that I could, if it were neceflary, give you a furfeit of fuch claffical authorities as thefe, for my phrafc ^ eabo en rabo^ and without flirring an. inch from my writmg-table. Dream therefore no longer of my having coined It myfelf, and aik me not where I have been groping for that other phrafc ajst afii^ for the word diantre^ or for any other employed in my Spani/h Dijfertation, Who- ever underftands Spanifli, will find the above quotations appofite enough : but. tlie tafk would be endlefs, were I punc- tually to anfvvcr every idle queftion you ijiay put to me, and adduce authorities for all the words I ufe, that are unknowa to yoy. You muft bciides confider, that thefc [83 thefe rriy' fooleries are to go to you by th^ fame road, that yours came to me ; that is, by means of the prefs ; and fome crabby reader might poffibly blame your indifcretion in thickening Interrogatories upon interrogatories on me, and likewife, find fault with foollfli me for my tame- nefs in fufFcring you to do fo over and over : therefore, let me prudently avoid thefe two dangerous rocks, and only take upon me to fet you right here and there ; explain to you this unknown vvord, and that phrafe unknown, and do for you fuch other petty jobs occafionally, as Chriffians do now-a-davs for other Chrif- tians, when they fee them hardly prefled 6y dire neceflity : but to pay at fight alt the bills you may draw upon me for large fums of words and phrafes, would be to teach you Spanlfh over again ; and that I cannot do now, that age has rendered your noddle as hard as mine, and that your Comment and Letter to your Doc- tor have convinced me of your fluggiflinefs in learning languages, Stydv Spaniffi G 2 tw^my •%i\ -1 y llh 84] twenty years longer, Mr. Bowie, and the dianire is in it, if at laft you do not learn it a/si a/si ! After this good piece of advice given you without fee or reward, I muft beg of you not to go any more to infprm the world, that I was bred in Lybla, where Serpents gave me fuck^ as this is one of thofe fecrets I would not have divulged in any of thefe three kingdoms, wherein It is ftill a fecret. It is true, I faid fome- where, that pronenefs to cruelty is inherent in man^ without meaning fuch men as Mr. Bowie, who has not the leaft fpice of cruelty in his whole compofition ; but meaning only man in general, when left to himfelf, and to his nature not correded by education. What made me advance that pofition, which is far from being an uncommon, or an acute one, was the moft obvious notice one may take every day of uneducated children of all ages and fizes, who will wantonly kill flies and earwigs ; put out the' eyes of fparrows and finches ; tie a bladder ^ [85 bladder or a log to a cur's tail to make him run to the devil ; apply a red-hot poker to a cat's paw, when (he fleeps by the fire-fide, to make her make room for thofe that want to warm themfelves ; drive oxen furioufly. along crouded ftreets, to procure themfelves the pretty diverfion of ifeeing men gored, and women tofled up high ; or, like the Barcelona Boys in Don Quixote, put Ally a handful of furze under an afs, or lean horfe's rump, that, by kicking and bouncing, they may endanger the necks of their riders, etcetera, etcetera. The notice of fuch of fimilar tricks, that any man who has two eyes, or- even only one, may take every day in the week in many parts of this world, made me unwarily lay down the above pofition, on which you chanced, I know not how : and as you are always very humane and good-natured to me, you made this very kind Comment upon it for my inftru£tion : God forbid that itjhouldbefo, and depend upon it^ that it is not Jo. Could the mojljavage beajl upm G 3 * the 86] the mountain opehisjaws^ and howl ariiculatefy^ where could he find fitter words to bring down human nature to a level with his own ? I need npt by this time, gentle (he-^ reader, tell thee, that this ingenious Icind of allegory of the Jav(ige heafi^ means an humbly, fervant of thine, who, in the days of yore, was far frpm difdaining the touch of fuch ruby lips as thine : and what will you fay, you ftudiou^ lads, to whom I give all the books I can fpare, when I inform you, that a few line? after my lucklefs pofitipn is termed a damnable pofition by this Jack, who can fometirnes howl articulately as well, as any Jirvage beafi on the mountain ? And how can I, my boys and my girls, after this fpe- cimen of fuch a Jack's philofophy and philanthrophy, fet chearfully about teach- ing him Spanlfh, Italian, French, Eng- lifli, or any other good thing ? However, quod dixi^ dixi ; and I will fay it again, that, now and then, I will take the trouble of fetting him right, when I fee him (hamefwUy or ridiculoufly wrong, 2 and [87 and here and there explain him a word or phrafe : but to teach him Ja capo, (as mu- ' ficians fay) as if I had nothing better to do, would be like an attempt to driuk the ^ ocean dry. He may have, as he fays, what I have not a drop of, a full hogfliead of the m'tlk of human nature running in and . out at his fiftole and his diaple ; and, of courfe, Ihudder, and be horribly fhocked, at my damnable pojitlons and diabolical doc- trines : but, for all his courting and coaxing me at this rate, I cannot undertake to teach da capo fuch a milky philofopher, as his tolondronfhip (hews himfelf, whenever the marginal notes haunt him like hobgoblins. To tell the truth, Mr. Bowie, you are foroewhat more milky, and fugary too, when you anatomize my Portugueze learn- ing, and there you fay of me muita coiza ha. Indeed I never faid, or excogitated, that I ever knew more Portugueze, than what could help me once through the L«- Jiada of Camoens, which, however, I own, I never had Bluteau enough to underftand fo well, as I do the French Telemaque. Far G4 ' frof" ^ II' ]' ¥1 i 88] from parading away with my Portuguezc, as you do with yours, I only dropped a few. words of it in the fhort account I -gave of my croffing a part of Portugal, as I hap- pened to hear them from my chaife- drivers, and a few other folks. You, Mr. Bowie, with Fat/:}er Bluieau's DlSltonary in your hands, are pleafed to inform me, that two or three of thofe words are not Portu- gueze, and make a fufs about it (taking even advantage of fome error of the prefs) as if the Scythians and Parthians hadjuft landed at Brighthelmftone, and were ad- vancing to befiege Lewes, or Croydon. But, good Jack, if thofe words give you any uneafmefs, diminish your appetite, or interrupt your flecp, on account of their not being fpelt the right way, I have no objedion in the world to your correding them in the margin by the help of your Father Bluteau. The^ exemplary of my "Travels^ which you have bought with your own money at the bookfeller's where once we met, belongs to you as much as your garters ; and you may burn it, or corredl it. [89 It, as you like beft. Suppofe you only correa it, we Ihall then be quit on the fcore of margindl notes, as by your correc- tions you may vex me full as much, as you chofe to be vexed at mine : In this cafe, however, you may let go untouched the . chaife-driver's phrafe. En ejla ilerra furan todo, which means, In this country they pal every thing. It is true, as you moft gene- roufly condefcended to inform mC; that to pal'is in Spanifh hurtar, and in Portu- gueze furtar : but let me inform you, that furar is alfo ufed in fome of the SpaniOi provinces, and I dare fay in fome of the Portugueze. The chalfe-driver who fpoke that fentence, was, in all probability, nei- ther a native of CaftiUe, nor of Eftrema- dure ; and it is a thoufand pities I forgot to alk him of what province he was, which would have been an important piece of information to my reader: yet d.pend upon it, that I took down with my black pencil in my memorandum-book thofe words, exaaiy as he fpoke them : there- fore you will certainly commit a great fin, if If < — i if you change the furan into hurian, ox fur ^ iao, either with a tilde, as I write it, or, as you do, with a circumjlexo, furao. Not to prove unthankful for your Portuguezc Jwtar, and your Spanifli hurtar, I will tell )H)U in return, that the fame vtthfuriar h alfo an antiquated Spanifli verb, and that you will find it as fuch, not in the Acade- mical Dicexely believe the editions of that •diSionary to be tbru^ aod not fwo^ what* ev^r tver my wicked eyfeS may hear pfeafch, of report to the contrary. Full as wife is youf prolix talk about the fam? Covarruvias, when you fay> that /««?)> trmxh I have exalted him, and depreffed him in my Spanyh Difemfm. I faid irt my travels, that Covarruvias was a very ledrrted man, and a refpeaable Etymologift, fo far is I could judge by a curfory look given to his book with the hurry of a Traveller : and this wa* not fetting him at the very top of the houfe. Then, at another period of my life having had occafioo to infpeft that fame book at leisure, I dif- approved of his inceffaut endeavours td trace even the moft common words from the Greek and the Hebrew, when he could eafily have found them nearer home : and is this fending him down from the garret to the cellar ? In the Differtatlon I produced two or three examples of hi9 fo doing, which I thought fufficient to the purpofe I had then in hand : But how did my fo doing deprefs him. and deftroy his charader as a man of very H 2 extenfive loo] extenfive learning ? Where is the finful contradiaion of my two aflertions ?- Does not the fecond, as well as the firft, cha- raftcrife him as a man poflefled of Greek and Hebrew, which in EngliOi implies extenfive learning I Jack, Jack, thou art but a forry caviller, and hadft better to eat beef and plumb-pudding on Sundays, than play the critic any day in the week ! But, fuppofe that I had fallen even harder on the Senor Don Baftian, had I faid half fo much, as S^evedo? You, that have impinguated your Comento by tranfplanting into it thoufands of Don Baftian's words along with their definitions, are ridicu- loully perfuaded, that you have been ftringing up Oriental pearls : but Quevedo, who underftood him certainly fomewhat better than you, paflbd juft fuch a judg- ment upon him in his Cuento de Cuentos, as mutatis mutandis^ I pafs upon that filly work of yours. Thefe Tiic^evedo' swords : •' Tambien fe hahecho teforo de la lengua ** Efpaiiola, donde el papel es mas que " la razon. Obra grande, y de erudicion '' defaliFiada." \.4 [lOl ** defalinada.'* That is : j^va/i number of Spanijh words has Covarruvias hoarded up: but his work is not worth his paper, A large work'; but full of Jlovenly erudition. Don Balthafar de Acevedo, in his queerly-writ- ten Cenfura^ prefixed to the Academician's Didlionary, having taken notice of the immoderate ufe made by the fame Aca- demicians oi Covarruvias" TeJorOf^ndL obliged not to difapprove them, would make us believe, that Quevedo faid, *' por gracejo'* by way of foewing his w/V, w^hat he faid of that "Tejoro : but, I am not quite of his opinion, and take Quevedo to have liter- ally faid w^hat he thought, without min- cing the matter at all, and his words admit not of Acevedo s interpretation. In fome parts of my Travels I faid, that the Bifcayan Didionary of Father Laramendi bears the title of 7'rilingue, be- caufe it runs in Caftllian, Bifcayan, and Latin ; and you take me feverely to talk for fo faying, as if I had again been guilty of a fecond herefy, as big as the pther about tw^o and three. But the H 2 re^fons ^ Itv. i 102] ' - / reafons of your coatr^ry ^ffertlon are con- veyed xi\ fo ftrange a gihberifli^ that I cannot abfolately find out what you would be at. What do you meaii^ when: you reply in confutation, that Laramendi's work is entitled; Dj'c0OHarioTri/mgue^\which is neither more ^or lefs, than w^iat I faid .^ If you agree with me on this pointy what is it, that you fiod fault with ? Is it my having written Laramendi with a fingle r, inftead of harramendi with two rrs ? If this is all your objedion, correct that my- great error by the addition of another r^ witho^:t any anger, and be fatisfied with my humble thanks- for your having cor-r reded my EnglKh proiaunciation of that Lexicographer's name with your mores exact Blicayaii pronunciation, and fo far, done me a monftrous deal of good : and if my humble thanks are upt fufficient ex- piation for my crime, take away, the r from my ov^n name, and put it to that of the good Jefuit, witiiout any further fnarling and barking at a (hadow. Can I do more to pleafe you, than, give you leave to call me L 103 lire henceforwards Bacitl inftead o^Bareiti? I thank you likewife for having informed me, that the Diaionary of Father Larra^ mendU with two rr's, preceded his Grammar by fixteen years, as fuch an important pomt of literary chronology would probably have been for ever beyond the reach of my intellefts without your charitable af- fiftance, as I have neither of the two- works in my pofleffion, and could not of courfe have compared the dates of them at bottom of their Title-pages. Indeed, I had only faid, if you had been willing to take exaa notice of my words, that next the Diaionary of the Blfcayan language, riie Grammar of it, as far as I knew, was the moft confiderable work in it : but this vou deny with great wrath, not by apprlfing me, that there are works in that language rhore confiderabte than that Grammar, but by informing me, that the Dictionary preceded the Grammar By fixteen years : a piece of information of fuch Coloffal magnitude, that I fhall certainly place it in my gallery of Blfcayan "H 4 Antlcjuitic5. 104] Antiquities, and never Ic^e fight of it as long as I can make ufe of both my eyes. Faith, Mr. John, you have here, I own, difplay^d your immenfe knowledge, and expofed my immenfe ignorance with fuch immenfe wit and ingenuity, that it would now be hopelefs to deny your being able to read the dates of the books you have, iu their title-pages. I could neverthelefs wilh, Mr. Johri Bowie, that you would forbear to rally me at the rate you do, for having men- tioned the five Dialefts, into which the Bifcayan language is divided, and not congratulate the Bifcayans fo heartily, for my having, with the few lines I beftowed on that fubject, enabled ihem, as you fay, to enter nUo trade with other nations. This your firft attempt towards fpright- linefs and jocularity, puts me in mind of the Afs in ^fop, that bounced in his mafter's lap, to Ihew he could play as prettily as little Pompey. How vivaci- oufly, dear Tolondron, you expatiate on my total ignorance of the Bifcayan Tongue, which. [105 which, as it is well known, though you keep it a fecret, you have at your finger's end I But in the name of common fenfe, what had Doctor Johnfon, Sir Jofliua Reynolds, the bad Painters of Italy, and our Royal Academy to do with the five Bifcayan Dialects, with the Bifcayan Dictionary, with the Bifcayan Grammar, and with the Bifcayan name of Father Larramendi with two rr's ? Will you be fo milky, my good Tolondron, as to m- form me why you jumbled them all together, and created that chaos of non- fenfe you have created by that ftrange hodge-podge \ I almoft fufped, that you want to recommend yourfelf by it to our Royal Academy as their Secretary for the Foreign Correfpondence immediately after my death, as you have fo eagerly embraced that opportunity to apprife the Prefident and Members of it, that I fill that poft yiifitly, on account of my total ignorance of foreign languages. But a word in your ear, Monfuur de Tolondron. If that is the J>lank you aim at, I tell you, between friends, / io6] friends, that you will not hit it. Look into the Englifli Chronicle, Nov. the 1 2th of this fame year 1785, and you will find that you ha\T! been too flow in your ap- plication. Another Tolondron, that aims at my emoluments, already corrcfponds with the Public as a Volunteer Secretary to the Academy, and informs us at large, in her name, that the Italian Members of the fame Academy; that is, Meffieurs Cipriani, Bartolozzi, Carlini, and Rigaiid, are Jhamekfs, indecent, partial, ungrateful Members of it, and of no abilities ; depre- ciatprs ofEngli/b merit, ivithout honour, prin- ciple, or decorum ; a paltry injidiotis Junto and Faction; fcandalous, malevolent, malignant, envtous, defpicable, and always to be viewed with indignation, while there is a fpark of dignity in the human heart. Mr. John, match me fuch a Pindar for Billingfgatical flights, if you can ! There is epift:olary fubhmity, magnificently ■ drefled in the refplendent robe of poetry ? And do you think, you poor, creeping, loufy Jack, fit only to write wretched profe-letters to Divinity Dodors 5 [107 Doaors ; do you think, that when I am gone, the Royal Academy will choole you in preference to this brave volunteer, to fucceed me in that Secretaryftiip ? Low- er your pretenfions, you dull Mr. John Bowie, and dlfmifs all your hopes at the fight of fo formidable a Concurrent, ot a Candidate of fuch terrible abilities and expectation \ Not a doit would 1 give you for your chance, (when I am dead efpe- cially) as it is a moft notorious fact, that Sir Jofliua Reynolds, Sir William Cham- bers, Mr. Weft, Mr. Peters, Mr. Cofway, Mr.'wilton, and every other Academician, inftead of endeavouring to add new ho- nours to their country by taking indefa- tigable pains to raife the fine arts to the higheft pinnacle, have thought of nothuig elfe, ever fince the infiitution of their body, but to encourage defamation and tolondronery to the utmoft of their pow- ers : and whatever Mr. Bowie's merits may be both ways, my Pindar will be the man, that fliall carry all their vote^ for that Secretaryfliip nemine contradicetiie. . But 4 vy" m xo8] But what is that other information you impart me, that the Spanifli adjectivo Britanico ought to be written and pro- nounced with an e, Bretanico, inftead of an /, Britanico, becaufe it comes from the Spanifh fubftantive Breiuna ? Is your Bor^ racho empty already, Mr. Bowie, or is /this another of your witty jokes ? Yet^ you look as fober and as grave, as a mar- motte ; therefore I muft infer, that you are neither drunk, nor in a droll humour; and it is incumbent upon me to inform you in my turn, that your Etymologicon, as your ill luck would have it, is of a fpurious edition, and you muft get ano- ther, the fooner the better. To convince you of it, Mr. Jack Linguift, I give you notice, that the Italians fay Britannico, not Breiamico, though this adjective is lineally defcended from their fubftantivc Breiagna : that the French fay Britannique, not Bretannique, though this adjective de- rives its pedigree from their fubftantive Bretagne ; and that the Spaniards fay Bri^ idnico, not Brefaw'co, though an adjective lawfully 109] lawfully born of their fubftantive Breiana. Who the deuce, Mr. Bowie, ever told you, that the mouth of Madam Etymo- logy is no more a pretty mouth, if the very leaft of its teeth happens to be fome- what loofened in the gum? Don't you you know, miraculous Hifpanift, that the Spaniards do not think they break the nofe of that fame Madam Etymology, when they fay Cqjlellano, with an e, though- that adjective of theirs be the eldeft fon of their fubftantive Cajiilla with an i? Burn the treaty, wherein you found your ridi- culous Bretanico, Mr. Bowie, or make a prefent of it to fome Brother-Pedant, if you choofc not to burn it, and kick out of your library your Aldretes, your Covar-- ruvias, your Nebrixas, and your Rrbade-- neiras, if they teach you no better Spanifli than that comes to! But, huili ! Who comes here now to interrupt us ? Pray, don't ftir as yet, dear Tolondron; for it is only my old ftationer, Mr. Inkbottle. -no] A Jbort Dialogue between Mr. Inkbottk the Stationer^ and his Ctiflomer. Jnk. Dearjtr^ I come to you on a very wn-- ful errand. CusT. What is the matter^ old Jritrtd? What has happened ? Ink. 7*0 makejhort of the matter^ fir, here I have brought yvu four Gentleman s Maga'^anes^ in which you are moft frightfully abufed^ and I . am heartily forry for it. CusT. Pfjow t Is that all? Never mind thaty Mr. Inkbottk. 'That is a tricky that has been played me many times in my life : yet I am fiill alive and well; and nothing very frightful can be /aid of me now^ that I have left off* fcribbling thefefive or fix years. Ink. A}'y you grow fat of late^ majler j but I apprehend thefe four Gentlemaris Maga* tines will make you lean again, or I am much . mflaken. CusT. Thaty indeed, may be ^ as I am apt to take fuch things very much at heart. How-- ever, leave the Magazines here, and if you hear of more in the following months ^ that abufe me^ let me have them all. [Exit Inkbotile, crojjing himfelf , 111] Now, Mr. Bowie— But where is he ? Upon my word he has given me the flip, while I was talking to the ftationer! No matter. It is now late, and I am fure I (hall fee him to-morrow early; and fo, my readers, I wilh you all well home. TOLON TOLONDRON. SPEECH THE FIFTH. Nunquam fctvt/}i quid Jit vergogna, Gajoffe : ■ Coprit brutturas mafcara nulla tuas. ^ando tu^! meditor morts, incago bagajjisy Vergognam penitus qua buttavere viam. Dens tibi fi caderet quoties mendacia proferSy Jam tua non pojfet pane ganajfa frut, Merlinus Cocaius. YO U, Mr. John Bowie, who have I know not how many porringers of milk (probably afles milk) mixed with your blood, were greatly concerned laft night to fee the old Stationer fo grieved, as hardly able to fupprefs his groans and his fobs, which was your reafon for fneak- ing away, left you fliould be brought to weep by way of company : and indeed, fluh talia fando temperet a lacrymh f Alas! alas ! Did you ever fee fo doleful dejected an afpect in all your born days, as that of my good friend Mr. Inkbottle ? Never, I am fure ! Let [ti3 Let mfe liow inform you, milky Sir, of what the four Maga%ines contain, that you may know the quadruple motive the good man had for being fo tenderly affected, as he was on my account, who have been thefe nine and twenty years his conftaut cuftomer for pens, ink, paper, wafers, and almanacks, bifides havuig been godfather to his daughter Peggy, lately married to an eminent bookbinder in Ave-Mary-lane. Sit you down m this ealy chair, my milky Tolondron, and, as you have had, ever fmce you were but a fcrubby boy, a moft uncommon longing after odd and furprifnig ftones, collect all the rays of your attention m a narrow focus, that you may not lofe a fingle fyllable of that, which I am going to tell: nor do you ftir an inch from your feat, until I have done, if you will oblige me. «-. 1 J You muft tKen know, dear Tolondion, that in thofe four Magazines brought me by the Stationer, there axe /o«r Letters, one in each, written by>r Auihorf, with J wham- HI ^^ "4l whom I really believe you to- be as un- connected, as broomfticks are from brooms, though It may be true, that a broom can be a broom, even when connected with the broomftick. What is moft aftonifhing in this fin* gular affair is, that each of the Jour Authors^ thus unconnected with each other, has directed his own letter to the well-knowa Mr. Urban: and as a fecond accident would have it, each of the four h^S chofen me for the chief topic of his animadver- fion : and, accident upon accident, or wonder upon wonder ! the ftyle of each of the four Letters bears fuch a family-^ likenefs, in point of bad EngHfh and good iionfenfe, to the Letter you wrote the Divinity-Doctor, that one would fwear the four gentlemen and you were all born at a litter. I (hould not, milky John, adhere ftrictly to truth, were I to fay, that thofe four letters run in a panegyrical drain, as their Authors feem to delight no better than your milky felf, in penning panegyrics upoii 1 1 [115 upon me. But, how can I help that, Mr. John Bowie ? How can I, as the Spanilh proverb has it, turn a mule*s head to my neighbour's ftable, if the ftubborn beaft will come to mine ? To kQep you no longer in fufpenfe^ I will copy here for your perufal thofe four Letters y paragraph after paragraph, that you may judge (if I may fo call them) of the pretty rafcalities they contain : and I beg of you to help me, if you are at leifure to decide, whether or no, they were the genuine produflions of four different Jacks, or of one Jack only, aa Doctors ftill differ in fettling this knotty point of criticifm, which, I am afraid, will require a long and troublefome inda- gatlon, before it is adjufled to the mutual and full acquiefcence of the contend- ing parties. Let us then begin with the firft letter, which is fubfcribed ^eri/f. I 2 GEN- K i( ii6] • GENTLEMAN'S MAGAZINE. •July 1785. p. 497- TEXT. MR. URBAN, if it is reckoned among Dodor Johnfon s foibles, that he be- came apologift for two culprits arraigned for atrocious offences at the bar of juftice ; that is Savage and Baretti, perhaps his friends will not allow, that thefe under- takings fhould be imputed to him as blemifhes in his charaaer, but rather confidercd as the mere effeas of hu- nianity. REMARK. By this elegant, perfpicuous, and long- winded period it appears, that this ^crijt wants to traduce the great Dodor John- Ibn's memory : and to bring fo good a purpofe about, he begins his undertaking with the moft notorious falfehood, that the Doctor engaged in the undertaking, of apologizing for t-ivo culprits, neither of whom had ever a word of apology from him. 4i t( <( «( <« (( « (I ["7 him. Who, but a Tolondron, wants to be told, that Savage was cajl and pardoned, not in confequence of any apology, but out of mere Royal Mercy ? And as to the other culprit, he was honourably acquitted : of courfe, in no need of an apology, as a . free difmiffion from the bar is a much better apology, than any Doctor could make. I tell it you as a fact, Mr. Querift, that Bai^etti ^ was acquitted : and I will take my oath of it, for I was prefent at the trial myfelf in propria perfona. But tell me, Mafter, why do you call the two unfortunate gentlemen by the opprobrious appellation of culprits? Have you too a porringer of affes-milk circulating in your body ? And .. why do you term Barettl's accidental mif- fortune an atrocious offence, when you know, that, after a trial of fix hours, an Englijh Jury found he had committed no offence at all ? TEXT. «' BUT let us Gonfider the circumjlances^ /. under whicli the Doctor is Juppofed to « have compoftd the Ihort fpeech, wbch I J " Savage /♦ ii8] '• Savnge fpoke before lentence was paffed " upon him. REMARK. Dear Querift, what have you 3one with the circumflances the Doctor wns/up- fofed (I know not by whom) to be under ; which circumflances I was to confider? I have read, and read again, this letter of yours from top to bottom, and a plague on the circutnflances I can find in it ! You had drank too much porter, when you folded your letter for Mr. Urban ; and not knowing what you were about, forgof » tQ enclofe the circumjlances in it. Pray fail'not to fend them in a foberer hour, becaufe I want to conjider them attentively. But who was the vile fellow that told you of the Doctor having compofed a fpeecb for Savage ? Kick the rafcal, that told it you ; for he told you a Ihameful lie, as fure as your name h John. TEXT. *♦ IT need not be mentioned what he " has offered in the life he wrote of that I *' unhappy >♦ b »9 « unhappy man, in extenuation of his guUt > REMARK. Unhappy man, and atrockui culprit, don't agree very well : Yet we will let this pafs without obfervation. But, milky Quenft, read over again the Life of Savage, and you will find, that the Doctor has not cffered m it a fingle fyllable in extenuation of Savage's guilt. All that could be offered, was oflTered at the trial, and offered in vain ; for he was cajl : and the Doctor related the offered extenmtiom with no Bowlean malice, but with his never-fwerving veracity. - TEXT. " Mankind will judge very differently «« In his cafe ; and the Doctor had no ♦« right to pafs the judgment he has done M upon the event of Savage's trial. REMARK. . What nonfenfe is this ? '^'\i^t judgment has the Doctor pafl, or not part, upon that trial ? Drink lefs porter, friend, it you will judge .of'wbat manhnd wU judge, 14 - TEXT. V I J J [120 TEXT. *' Savage himfelf fays, that his offence ** was a cafital ahjerice of reafbn, and a fud^ ^* den impulfe of pajfwny REMARK. How does this ingenuous confeffion, made by Savage on his trial, any way in- validate any thing advanced by his biogra- pher ? TEXT. *' Dr. Johnfon faid, that Savage always *' denied his being drunk, as had been ge- *' nerally reported. REMARK. The Do£lor reported what Savage faid. Was he to fay, that, whatever Savage might fay. Savage was certainly drunk ? TEXT. ** How is this confiftcnt with the cafucil *' abjencc of reajoriy which Savage mentioned •' at his trial, as an apology for hiscondud." REMARK. If I comprehend well this bad Englifh, Mr. flmrtji means, that there is a manifeft contradiction in Savage's two affertions, ihat he was not drunk when the fray happen- ed, •^ [121 ed, axid that he had then only a cafual abfence of reafon. Yet, does his Tolondron(hip think, that no body, but when drunk, can have an abfence of reafon ? The frigid vil- lainy of this letter almoft tempts me to think, that ^ri/i was not drunk when he writ It : yet. Is it not quite evident, that, when be writ it, though he may have been fobcr, his reafon was not at home ? But what has Savage done to ^ertfi, that he falls fo hard upoa the poor man's memo- ry ? Savage wrote no marginal notes on Don ^ixoU, .as far as we can judge by his Life : therefore S>ueri/} might as well have for- borne abufuig a poor fellow, who has now been many years in his grave. Simpler, tons ! yo\) do not: fee the cloven foot of Old Nick ! AH this wicked nonfenfe about Sa- vage, is but duft Nicky throws in your eyes. ,. that ypu niay not perceive his drift, ^eri/i wants to impeach Doftor Johnfon's good- nefs ?ind wjfdom ; well knowing, that one, who was a frierid to that wife and good ipan, will never be thought wicked and foolifli, whatever %uerlji had dared, he would here have impeached the Doftor's veracity about the charafter he gave me in the above dcpofition : but fearing Mr. Urban might fmell a rat, and rejcft his anonymous let- ter, as a piece fomewhat too rafcally for publication, this is the way he goes to work. TEXT. «' Obferve. The accufation was, that 5' Baretti had murdered a man by ftabbing ** him ; and it was in evidence, that he '* had ftabbed two men, one of whpm died .^* of his wounds.** REMARK. So far, fo good ! The period is very fweet and harmonious to Mr. ^owle's ear. TEXT. y [134 / n/ €i 41 TEXT. *' What fays Dr. Johnfoa in his defence ? ** Mr. Baretti, fays he, is a man of letters, ** and a ftudious man. He never picks up proftitutes in the ftreet, that I know of. He is (hort-fighted, and fo am I ; and, ** I believe, would not affault a man with- *' out provocation.'* REMARK. What could the Dodor fay, befides this ? He was not there as my advocate ; but, along with feveral other gentlemen of the hlgheft diftinftion in this nation, he came there to depofe to my gengral cha-» racter and way of life. He faid upon oath what he knew of me. So did five or fix of thofe gentlemen, whofe friendlhip I had had the good fortune to merit by my goo4 behaviour, not by my power, or my riches, as I was then poor and powerlefs, juft as I am now. Some of them, namely the Honourable Mr. T'opham Beauclerk and Mr. Oarrick, with whom I had lived in inti- macy long before I faw them at Ve- nice, faid what they had fe^n and heard of mc me there, and in other parts of Italy. Only five or fix of them were queftioned about me, and twice as many would have fpoken in my favour, if the Court had n6t thought the five or fix quite fufficient. Why does ^erj/l omit the depofitions of thofe five or fix, and faften fingly on the Doaor^s? The milky man knows why. So many favourable teftimonials prefented too large and too thick a front, for him to force his way through. Let us fee what an expe- dient the pretty Rogue has recourfe to, in order to invalidate the only one he pitched upon. TEXT. '' This (depofition of the Bodior) puts ** me in mind of the Dutch Printer's de- ** fence in anfwer to Milton's accufations. *' You are a crafty knave, fays Milton. But, " lays the Printer, I am a good arithmeti- •* cian. You fled from your creditors, fays «* Milton, for debt. But, fays the Printer, « I publifh tables of figns and tangents. REMARK. fa 61 R E M A k £• We are told in Don Quixote, that Rofinante galloped oi^ce in his life ; and fa this fellow once in his life has (hewn him*. felf witty : b^t the mifapplication of his pretty ftory in this place, renders it a mere:, piece of malicious buffoonery ; and mail- eious buffoonery does not validate argu- ments, efpecially Bowlean arguments, that are neither in baraUpton^ nor mfrifefomorum. The Doctor was alked this pbin queftion : What do you know of this man? Was he to give no anfwer, or a Bowlean one ? Was he to fay, that he knew me but fuperfi- cially, having dined with me but twice by great chance ? That he never would be intimate with me, becaufe he had found me to be totally ignorant of every thing ? That I had no diligence, no induftry, but in playing dogs' tritks to eVery body I could ? That I was a notorious whore- monger and a bullying Tom, whether in Hquor, or in no liquor ? Was he to fay^ that, inftead of living by literature, I hved by dealing watclics ? That I was fuch an uncon- unconfcientlous fcoundrel, as to affirm the moft iniquitous lies of the living and of the dead, no matter what their characters were, or had been ? Was he to conclude, that, for all my pretending to be near- fighted, I had fuch a telefcopic eye, that I could fee a brother-rogue at a league's diftance ? Mafler Querift was not yet an Editor when I was tried. Woe to me, if he had been, and my life had depended on . his iingle teftimonial ! TEXT. ** When his defence of Baretti was *• mentioned to Doctor Johnfon, the Doc- *^ tor replied, I was not alone in that affair. REMARK. No more he was, you blafphemous vil- lain ! How dare you, by this hellifli in- nuendo make a Doctor Johnfon charge himfelf with want of Veracity and wilful perjury, and in the fame breath accufe of the fame crimes, half a dozen of the moft refpect^ble men in this land ? Was ever fuch an Ourang-Outang among us ? TEXT. T E X if. *' It was anfwered : Your conduct wa^ *' no better for that circumftance, unlets «* you would have been guided by your »' fellow-deponents in every thing elfe. -REMARK. Thh text .is artificially dark, as the wicked Querlfl: does not dare to fpeak quite Intelligibly. Let us throw fome light upon it, and give the meaning of it. You, Doctor, had no good conMi, fays Querift, when you followed the dictates of your own confcience, and gave Baretti a good character, as fome other gentle-, men had done. You ought to have fided and agreed with thofe rogues, that afferted Baretti had afl'aulted their gang, whom you were to confider as your true fellow^ deponents. This is Bowlean doctrine : but is it good doctrine ? I am of opinion it is not. TEXT. " But Doctor Johnfon's commiferation «« for unhappy criminals was remarkable. REMARK. [129 R :^ M ARK. It was out of commiferation to be fure that the Doctor did not join his teffixoaonial to that of his true fellow-deponents, as Que- nft would have done without the leaft hefitation, having no notion of comniife- rating writers of marginal notes, that nght; 0^ wrong, ought all to be hanged! ITetty Bowlean doctrine, fay I again. TEXT. ,, " ^"^' ^' I^««o^ Johnfon had fuccefs ^^ m bs operations on Savage's account. perhaps he might think, that a little 'J ^^^^'>^'^^^olence might fave Doctor REMARK. • Here is another innuendo on Doctor Johnfon for commiferating Doctor Dodd m whofe favour he would have been : wiUing to defeat the effects of juftice to •fliew his benevolence, if it had been in his power But what were Doctor Johnfon', Pccefsful operations in fkvour of Savage ? Did the Doctor fave him from the dread" ^ ful / 13°) ful verdict ? Poor Qw^rlft i He is raving, he is in a delirium of madnefs, whenever the marginal notes prefent themfelves to his perturbated imagination ! TEXT. "But the impunity of Savage and « Baretti was not fufficiently edifying to " the PubUc in its confequences, to au- " thorife the fame indulgence to the un- " happy Divine." REMARK. I fay it again, that the milky fellow is out of his fenfes. What need had Baretti of any indulgence ; that is, of hav- ing %«/ Mercy extended to him, as it was to Savage ? Baretti was honourably acquitted to your own indubitable know- ledge, you worthlefs Qucrift. What do you talk then, with regard to him, of Royal Mercy extended to him to the great fcandal of the Public ? Ay, you Criminal ! You Culprit! Did you not blot Don Quixote's margins ? And is not that blottmg ten thoufand times more atrocioui, than I thaii murder and forgery ? What bufmefs had you to teach your pupils how to fpell Spaniih the right way ? To let them know, that I am a Tolondron ? The reader is now at liberty to make further remarks on this fine Letter to Mr. Urban, and to judge whether or not the Ourang-Outang's fkiri is to go to Sir Afhton's Mufeum, in cafe Old Nick does not interfere. Whatever be the Reader's opinion on this head, I will here tell a little anecdote of Dodor Johnfon, to cor- roborate the Ourang-Outang's aflbrtion, that the Dodor would have faved Dodd, if it had been in his fole power fo to do. Doctor Johnfon, as it is well known, was earneftly fdlcited by poor Dodd to write a petition for him to the King ; and complied with the folicltation. Being in a tete-k-t^te with him, I begged of him to repeat that petition to me, as I knew he coMU,zndad Iheram, repeat any thing, that he had once written in good earneft. He did ; and, though that was not one of his higheft performances, he fpoke it in fuch "^2 a tone. ( a tone, that my eyes gliftened : and fd would have the Reader's, had he been by. But, fald I, (that wanted to know his real fentiments about every thing) were you called to advlfe the king in^this particular cafe, would you advife him to extend his mercy to Dodd ? No, no, re- plied the Doctor haftily, but folemnly. Js a private man it is certainly my duty tf> bewail the ftuation of a Jello^-creature Jud- denly plunged in the gulph of ixretchednefi ; nor do I think I a£l amifs by doing the little I can to help him out of it. But ^ U6] ** are placed at the corners of the fVrects, *' to hurry to jail all kind of diforderly ** people. REMARK. Bravo, Jack Anti- Janus ! I did not ex- pect you had wit enough to croud fo many lies in fo narrow a fpace, as the laft lines of your paragraph ! TKis confirms my^ opinion, that Querift, Anti- Janus, and Mr. Editor, are fo incorporated together, as to make but one Cerberus 'tween the three. But as Cerberus has been fo kind, as not to quote from my brotherly Letters- any paflage to back his afl'ertions, I muft be excufed, if I do the fame, and leave to him the onus proband}^ as he is the fole accufer of Mr. Baretti, not J. As to me, that am not willing to turn ipformgr a- gaiuft Mr. Baretti, and would rather do him good, than harm, I will only take upon myfelf the onus obfervandi: that if Mr. Baretti had been fo gigantically foollfli, as ' to print, either in Italian, or in the Mono- motapa-Tongue, what this triple Jack would make folks believe, no Italian, from the ['37 the Pope down to the St. Marino's 'cob- blers, but what would have thought Mr. Baretti as mad as a March-hare ; and many EnglKh Reviewer befides, when he came back, would have made him dance a brifk horn-pipe, maugre his plaguy gout, and the gravity of his age. Cerberus thinks, that he has but to fpeak, to be prefently believed, and that no man in England un- derftands Italian, except himfelf. Is not that the cafe, Monfieur Cerberus \ TEXT. " It is fome years fince I read thofe Let- " ters, and therefore do not rimember many ''particulars: but, upon the whole, Ida 'f aver, that he has reprefented England. " not as it is, but as he wifhed it to be. REMARK. And fo, you do aver P But what %ni- fies your averring ? You will aver any thing to do me good : that I know. Un- der the fignature of Querift. you have^-^r- red, that I have been guilty of atrocious ofFences : you have averred, that I owe my Jife to Dr. Johnfon's apologies, and to the indul* J fS -/ / 1^81 mdulgencc. I know not of whotn. You have m^erred, that the fame Doaor Jobnfon charged himfelf and others with "waBt of veracity, and declared himfelf p^Uty of perjury to boot. Pretty .^^rr^- ium thefe I Under your own fignature you have served, that I ftole watches : you have ^erred, that I was a defamer, a fa- vap^, an ignorant wicked fellow, etcetera, etcetera . and, what is worfe than all you have repeatedly afoerred, that your Edition and Comment would prove fuch luminous luminaries, as (hould dazzle Englilhmen s eves, and Spaniards under ftandings. Pfhaw . what is there, that you would not ^r, when feized by the fit of avcrmg ? For- bear ^erring, good Jack, as. were you to trver till doom's day. no body, out of the Tolondronic circle, will ever credit your averratlons. You aver here, that you have not read for fome years my Italian Letters : but / ui moins en a^ qu un canards qu" une pie. Dues et My lor s^ chapeau basje vousprie, Devers moi tous^ fans barguigner^ venez : Sacs de guinees a /' envi ni apportez : Et vous aurez vers, profe, et fiatterie Le doubk, et plus, qu' en eutjadis mamie^ Tant que direz : cejfe done, c ejl ajjez I Cela tout fait, en chant ant tnerliton^ Verre pleurant, boirai bien vosfantez En bon Bourgoigne, ou bonjus de Xerez. GENTLEMAN'S MAGAZINE. Oclober 1785, p. 760, TEXT. " Mr, Urban. I have thought, that the following words of Valerius Maximus de- fcribe exadlly the perfon of a man, that has been mentioned in your two laft magazines : T'ruculenta fades, violentifpi- ritus, vox terribilis, ora minis, et cruentis ini" perils rcferta. REMARK. V R E M A R K. I muft own, that the two, and evca the three laft magazines, have vexed me, becaufe they have hurted my poor foot as much, as a blifter clapt on the heel of my fhoe : but this fourth makes me fuch amends, as I deem fufficient in all confcience. Here, my friends Is a fourth, ragamuffin, who calls himfelf by the odd and charaderlftlc appellation of J. G. that is, John Coglione\ a ragamuffin of deep thought, par ma foi, as he has thought of an exadl defcription of me out of Valerius Maximus, vjhok works he has read through, and to fome purpofe, as you will fee. But who Is Valerius Maximus f fays your hopeful fon, juft come from Ghifwlcly- ichool. Valerius Maximus, my good Dick, was a free-born Italian, and my fchool-fellow many years agone. It happened once, that quarrelhng with me about the true mean- ing of fome verfes In the Secchia Rapita, he gave me fuch a thump with his clenched ^ft in the pit of the ftomach, that I fell down :l^ti ^541 down backwards, and broke my occiput againft one of the fchool- forms. Valerius Maximus^ as good-natur'd a lad as your very felf, was quite forry for what he had done, and prefently helped me up, feated me on the form, ran for an egg to the mafter's maid, whofe chriftian name was Ancilla ; opened it at the big-end, becaufe he had been brought yp in the big-endian religion; dexteroufly feparated the white from the yolk ; beat that white hi a faucer with a tea-fpoon, and applyed it on a rag to my wound with fo much care and Ikill, that he abfolutely won my heart for ever after. On our quitting fchool, Fakrlus Maximum went to the Levant with one of his papa's friends, one Colonel Sextus Pompeius^ who had procured him a Lieutenancy in the Duke of Modena's guards ; and a brave fol- dier did he look in his regimentals. Prcr fently after his arrival at the place of his deftiuation, many were the battles, in which he had his fhare, to the great com- fort of Colonel Sextus Pompeius^ who loved him him dearly. 'Tis enough to fay, that he .xx)ntributed as much, as any other Lieute- nant in the army, towards difpoffeffing the Turks of the Holy land ; and it was iu pne of thofe battles, that he pluckt ofF ^ Bafla^s whifkers, which he fent to Rome, there to be hung up in the church of St^ Agnes, where we ufed to go to mafs toge- ther on Sundays, when fchool-fellows. Being once at Damafcus, and his win- ter-quarters affording him leifure, he took into his fancy to write a book in Latin, wherein he colIe£led a good many memora- ble fayings and doings of feveral Officers of the army, in which he ferved, as alfo of many valiant Turks, though they were ' his country's enemies ; as he admired va- lour, no matter by whom poflefled : Nor did he forget to interfperfe in his work various of the pretty pranks and frolicks of his fchool-fellows, among whom he highly diftingulflied me, as one of the moft forward in robbing of orchards and vine- yards, whenever opportunities offered. It was in that fame Latin book, quoted by the learne4 ^561 learned John CogUone^ that he dehneated my charader, calling me by the name of Sulla^ which was my fchool-nick-name, bccaufe at times 1 was apt to h^fulkn^ efpe- cially when I had the childblains, and awkward Tolondrons trod upon my fore heels. Vakrius Maximus book, dedicated to one Squire T'ibby^ a Major of Grenadiers, was printed at Damafcus, and foon after re- printed at Aleppo with ample notes, not by himfelf, like Mr. Bowie's Letter to the Divinity-Doftor ; but by above forty-four of the moft erudite members of the Celo- Syrian focicty, among whom, the illuftri- ous Ifirac Vojfius^ an Arab by birth, and the celebrated Fr^/)^vwm, Chaplain in ordinary to the Hofpodar of Antiochia. The four and forty Annotators had previoufly ex- tolled Valerius Maxmiiy work fo high, that the Damafcus-Printer gave a good penny for the manufcript, which was no contempt- ible addition to his fcanty pay as a Lieu- tenant, and enabled him now and then to treat his brother- officers with a bottle of the beft Mareotic from Grand Cairo. Nor did 1^57 did any body throughout Afia fpeak dif- refpedfully of his work, excepting one Joe Scallger, furnamed the IVa/plJh Re^ viewer^ a pretty clever pioneer in the ene- my's army, whofeldom approved of any body's literary labours but his own, and called Fa-- lerlus Maximus : Ineptus verborum et [enien- tlarum affediator. From that book of Sayings and Doings, my friend John CogUone extradled the above paflage, and clapt it at top of his letter to Mr. Urban. The right meaning of the paflage is ; that, when I make marginal notes on Spanifh Texts or Comments, I look quite dreadful : truculent a fades. That vny fpirits move along with great violence, when I rally Tolondrons : vlokntl fplrltus. That my voice, when I fpeak Speeches about the blunders of Editors and Com- mentators, proves terrible: vox tenibllls : and that, when 1 bid any of my pupils to come to read Don Quixote, I do it in fuch an imperious and threatening a tone, that there is no blockhead in the neighbour- hood, but what prefently bleeds at tlie nofe : Hofe : or a minis et crucntis imperiis referta. However, my dear Dick, take this with you, that (as Milton faid to the Dutch Printer) this fame Johfi Coglione is a crafty knarve : for, fo envioufly mean was he^ that he fupprefled the beft part of the good things Valerius Maximus faid of me in the fame book, wherein he recorded, as a moft faithful hiftorian, not a few of the beft legerdemains I ever atchieved, when with him at fchool : fuch as that, for inftance, of drowning in the Tiber all the mice and rats I could catch ; and t'other of loppiiig at Prenefte (where we ufed go to fpend the holidays) the tails of all the puppies and kittens of the (hop-keepers of that country- town ; thofe, efpccially, that belonged to a canting field-preacher, called by the rabble 7h Reverend Mr. Marius, who once flung the ftump of a cabbage at my head, becaufe I made game of a devout matron the old fellow had a mind to marry, as ihe had a very confiderable jointure. Nor did Valerius Maxi^ mus forget my (kill in giving Cornifli-tugs even to the talleft boys in the fchool at our I hours hours of recreation, and throwing them head-long after a very fliort ftruggle ; by which means I came to be fo much feared by them all, that they dared not to lift a finger againft me, as long as I pleafed to ftay at fchool. Art thou fatisfied now about Valerius Maximus ? But let us hear what John Coglione has further to fay of me when my name was Sulla. TEXT. *' Can we hefitate a moment on whom, '* to fix the following chara£ler ?" REMARK. Let us have the following character by all means, efpecially as it is in Italian, which is another of the languages this Poliglot-John can copy out of his books, fometimes exadly, fometimes but fo fo. TEX T. " Pieno d' ignoranza e di fcelleraggine, *' e fcaltro, e petulante, e sfacciato, e maU ** dicente, e adulatore, e bravaccio, e vi- ** gliacco, e diffoluto, e matto, e fregjato in '* fomma d' ogni abbominevole dote.'* REMARK. \ IIP 4 mm ' *»« %. l6o] R E M A R k. I muft apprife the curious reader, tha£ he would be wrong in hejttating a moment to apply the beft part of this charafter to my Tolondron, as it is made up of many fcraps, that he has carefully pickt out of an Italian work of mine, and fown them together for his own wearing, as you may lee by his tranflation ; though, to fay truth, I wrote thofe Italian words long be- fore I knew of the need he had of them. T EXT. " A man full of ignorance and wicked- ** nefs, fly, petulant, impudent, a flan- ** derer and a flatterer, a bully and pol- *' troon ; diflblute, fool, and, in fliort^ ** adorned with -every abominable endow* *• ment." See La Frujla Letterarla, p. %%j. REMARK. Is it not furprifing, that, long before I knew this very John Coglione, and when I intended to paint another, I fliould paint him full as well, as Titian himfclf would Jiave done ? TEXT. TEX T. *■ Though your correfpondent Anti-Janus, '^ p. 608, has advanced nothing, but what " is to be confirmed from No. 12, of his •| Familiar Utters to his three Brothers, ytt, '' that he is unworthy of any partiality *• from Britons is hot to be haftiiy credited, *| as fome Britons in this age of affluence* " m this total exemption from taxation, **have thought him deferving of a pen- . '^ fion : and who dares to controvert the " propriety of fuch condiia?" R E M A R K. See what a crafty knave, Milton would fixj, this Anti-Janus is, who, but t'other day, pretended he had not read my Italian Letters ; and tells us now, that he has ! "But if John Bowie, and John Coglione are fynonimous, there Is no doubt, but Coglione will do what Bowie did, and dare to contro- vert iox ever, what was repeatedly contro- verted by Bowk ever fince the fad adven- ture of the Marginal Notes. TEXT. " A Tranflator from that language, in "which this deferving man boafts himfelf M fS to *« to be an adept, at the fame time, that >*' he arraigned him of total ignorance m it, " apphed to him Johnfon's famous dif- . ** tich of « London, the needy villain's gen'ral home, « The common-fhore of Paris and of Rome.'* REMARK. The temptation of calUng me a needy villain was too ftrong for a Tranflator from the Spanifli ; and paltry finners will yield to every temptation. T E X T- *' An account of his great worth and *' learning may be feen mfome Remarks on '' the^ extraordinary Condu^ of the Knight of '^ the ten ftars, and his Italian EJquire\ for "which fee the laft Monthly Review, ''p. 156. REMARK. I have been to fee that Review, as I was bid ; and never was any thing fo fair and candid, as what is faid in it about the Bowlean Performance.' The honeft Re- viewer acknowledges himfelf ^/a incompetent judge of the qiieftioil : but, fays he, if Mr. Bowie tells truths he has amply avenged himfelf on his adverfary. The poor To- londron, that never minds- conditional ifs^ eagerly bolt^ down the Reviewer's cau- tious words, as if they were a pretty com- pliment to him and his fhilling-pamphlet; Much good may it do him. As to the Reviewer's calling Mr. Bowie's Edition a valuable one, I beg permiffion to enter my Liberum Veto, for reafons beft known to myfelf and friends j and as to Captain Crookfhanks* extraordinary conduct, give nie but time, Signor Coglimie, and I fhall take notice of it without any doubt : nay^ I had already done it, had not you and your comrades come to retard my march. TEXT the lajl. " With fo-me flight variations, Baretti's t' Letters to his Brothers are tranflated and *' incorporated in his Englifli Travels." R E M A R K. Was ever any mortal fo clumfy an advo- cate pro domofua, as this poor Tolondron ! He firft wifhes I would give the Englifli M 3 nation dt' / 164] nation a tranflation of my Italian Letters; then comes to inform the Englifh nation, that I have already done it ! How true the Spanifh proverb, that a liar is fooner over- taken than a lame ox ! But the bufinefs of the day is at laft over, and the four Fellows are gone back to Idmeftone, rather out of humour, than otherwife. Mr. John Bowie, give them a glafs of fmall beer a-piece, for the good fervice they have done you : but, next time you come to me yourfelf, do it with- out your quadruple majk on your face, as, both you and I, begin to be rather too old for mafquerades. TOLON- :1 TOLONDRON. SPEECH THE SEVENTH. ^tdquld cogltas vanum ej% quidquid loquerh falfum ejl^ quidquid improbas honum ejl, quidquid prohas, pialum ejj^ quidquid agis Jiultum eji, Petrarch, PARDON me, good Mr. Bowie, if, in the two preceding fpeeches 1 have proved fo incivil to your Tolondronfhip, a.s only to fpeak to you incidentally ; and attribute my want of manners to your four gentlemen of the ftraw in the (hoes, who proved fo troublefome, and engroffe4 fo much of my talk, that I had icarce time to think of your Tolondronfliip all the while. It took up two long chatterations before I could force them to forbear telling of lies ; and it was at laft out of mere laf- fitude they told no more, and went away burly burly, as if the devil h^d been in them. Let us therefore, you and I, re- fume the interrupted fubjedl of your great M 3 know- 1 ^ 166] knowledge, and my great ignorance, and endeavour finally to fettle fo problematical ii point to our mutual fatisfaftion, that we may never more be of quite oppofite opini- ons, as, to my great vexation,wehave hither- to been, and underftand each other better for the future, now that we know each other better than we ever did. Your Tolondronfliip has the goodnefs to inform me, that the Spaniards have two 'Tragicomedies andjome interludes in profe : and by producing fuch a folid piece of eru- dition, quite unknown to me before, you pretend to have entirely demolifhed the aflertion in my trzwdSyth^it all the Spani/Ij Co^ medies I ever read or heard \fy are all in verje. Your demolition, however, feemiS to me as yet not fo entire as you fmcy, becaule it fo happens, that Tragicomedies :ind Inter- ludes are not quite the fame thing, that Comedies. But as you may reply, that this is a mere fubterfuge, and that different ap- pellations change not the intrinf c quali- ties of dramas, and may infift, that inter- ludes and tragicomedies are tantamount to comedies, i [167 comedies, I muft inform you in my turn, left you flip thus nimbly through my fingers, that, feveral years ago, here in London, I bought, and read, a colleftion of Spanifli comedies, that was comprifed in no lefs than fix and forty quarto vo- lumes, each volume containing twelve of them exadly ; the firft volume entitled : Primer a Parte de Comedias facadas de Jus ver- daderos Originales^ printed at Madrid in ^613, and beginning with a comedy called La Baltafara ; the laft volume, oddly en- titled Primavera numerofa de muchas harmo^ fiias lucientes^ printed in 1679, and ending with a comedy called El Marques de Cigar- ral: and here, by w^ay of parenthefis, Jet me tell you, it was from this very col- ledion chiefly, that I got the notion Spa- nifli comedies were all in verfe^ as not one in the fix and forty volumes is in profe^ Then, when I came back from Madrid, I brought with me a good number of fingle comedies, I had bought there for " un real *' de yellon cada una" ; Anglice^ three-pence a piece ^ and had them bound in 16 or 17 quarto volumes, ten in each volume, be- M 4 fides I -1 i68] • fides fuch a number of Eniremfes ; that is. Interludes, JLntertalnmenis^ and Farces, that, when bound up together, formed eight or nine pretty thick oaavo volumes, every tittle in verfe. I was befides pofleffed once, but gave them away, of the comedies of Don JguJlJn Moreto in two volumes quar- to, and think they amounted to more than twenty, each one In verfe : and you know, or ought to know, that J(!;ujlin Mo^ reto, in the general opinion of the Spa- niards, holds the third place amons: their dramatic poets, the firft being occu- pied by Lope de Vega, and the fecond by C aider on de la Barca. Then my two brave difciples, innocent caufe of thofe marginal notes, that have kept you this long while from eating with a good appetite, have read with me (but the book is theirs) fome of the feventy- three comedies, and the forty-fix Feafts (Fkjlas is the Spanifh w^ord) contained in eleven thick volumes quarto, air WTitten by Culderon de la Barca afoiefaid, printed in Madrid 1760: and, with the fame two young gentlemen, as well as without them, I have alfo read a good ■m t [169 good number of Autos Sacramentales by the fame Calderon and others, every thing in verfe, and not in profe : and you know, or ought to know, that i^/^^j means, come- dies compofed for the private entertain- ment of the king and his court, and Jutos means, facred allegorical plays ; the Fiejlas gone out of faOiion this long while, and the Autos permitted no longer on the Spa- nifh ftage. All the comedies and other theatrical performances of Lope de Fega, that I ever read, which are a pretty many, are all in verfe ; and fo are thofe of Don Antonio de Soils, printed in quarto, Madrid 1 681 ; the very man, that wrote the well- known Hijlory of Mexico, and father to the archbi/hop of Seville, lately dead above a hundred years old. I hope befides, what- ever you may have Ally infmuated to the contrary, in your letter to your Dodor, that you give me credit for having read even movtoi Cervantes" comedies, than are contained in the Madrid edition of 1749 : and you may be fure, that they are all in verfe. 1 have likewife read a number of Loas i: r u 170] Uas, Zar^las, Saimies, and other petty dramas of the Spaniards, and not one of them did I ever fee in frofe, as they are all in verfe. So arc the Comedies of Juan Bautifta Diamante, numerous enough: fo thofe of Fernando de Zarate, of Luis de Bebnmte, of Don Antonio Martinez, and of Don Roman, who was what they call, Mon- tero de Efpinofa; and here, Jack, you may run to fome Diaionary, to fee what Mon- lero de Efpimfa means. All in verfe are thofe of Don Juan de Zavaleta, and thofe of Don Francijco de Rojas, or de Roxas, thus written both ways in different editions. All in verfe, likewife are thofe of Juan Matos Fregofo, of Dicp Ximenes de Enci/o, of MelcJxr de Leon, of the three Doaors Mira de Mefcua, Felipe Godinez, and Perez de Montalvan ; asalfo thofe of >^« de Vilkgas, of Geronimo de la Fuente, of Juan de Vera y Villaroel, and of a great many more, wltli whofe names I could choak you, were I as fond as you, of choaking Chriftians with ' names of outlandifli Authors. Upon a very moderate computation, I will venture to [171 to fay, that, 111 the courfe of my life, 1 have read twelve hundred Spanifh Come- dies ; and I w^ill take my oath of it, that I never met with one, but what was in verfe. Afk me not if I liked them all, left you force me to fay, that there is not one in every hundred I would be the author of, not even excepting thofe of Lope de Vega, and Calderon de la Barca. The only two, as I ftill remember, that pleafed me, were El Familiar Jin Demofiio by G a/par de Avila, and No hai hien Jin ageno dano by Antonio Sigler de Huerta. I don't recoiled at pre- fent, that I liked any other throughout. Invention, plot, wit, and humour, many of them have here and there, Moreto and Solis efpecially : nor do many an'd many want true and fingular charaders, which would appear to great advantage, were they habillez a la Corneille^ as a few of Don Guillen de Cajlros have been, feveral of whofe Comedies I have read, that I may not forget them/ Speaking, however, in general, the Spanifh Comedies, in fpite of the feeble efforts made in my days by Don T'omajo de Triarte, by Don Aguftin Cordero ?7^] Corderoy by the witty Gountefs del Carpto^ hy the Marquis de Palacios^ and by half a dozen more that I could name, the Spanilh Comedies (and Comedia in Spa- nllh, like Play in Englilh denominates both 'Tragedy and Comedy) fuit uot my tafte much, though I have paffed many morn- ings and evenings in the reading of them. But what was it to me, their being good, bad, or Ind'ifFereiit ? J read them not with a viev/ to learn from them the art of Co- medy-making ; but only to encreafe my ftock of Spanifh language : and it was out of them, to tell it here in another paren- thefis, that I got above three thoufand %vords [as I faid in my Sj^aniJiJ D/Jtrtalion] not regiftercd in the Academicians' Dic- tionary, which I have added in the mar- o-ins of that fame Diftionary, to be fent, after I am dead, to their Academy, as 1 am fare, that an Exemplary, thus augmented, will prove of good ufe, if ever the Mem- bers of it come to give us a fecond Edition of their Predeceflbrs' Work. Nor have I added onlv to my Exemplary three thoufand %V6rds, a?:d more ; but have alfo made Mar- ginal ginal Notes to many thoufands ofihiirfForJs, T)eJinitionSy Etymologies^ Examples^ etcetera; and I have likewife tiken notice in the fame way of their Prolegomena^ telling my opinion freely of every thing I difliked ia their Six Volumes, with no more fcruple, than if they had been fo many Jack Bowles^ which, thank heaven, is far from being the cafe, becaufe fuch Jacks are mighty fcarce all the world over. Come now you, Tolondron tolondro* niffimo, come to tell the by-ftanders, that the Spaniards, contrary to my afler- tion, have Comedies in prqfe ; and difplay your vaft erudition, by talking (out of Doii Quixote and other Works of Cervantes) of a Tragicomedy fplit in two, and of three or four Farces y never exhibited on the Spa- nifti Stage, the ^xH all in profcy the others partly in profe^ and partly in verfe. A blaijca for your Tragicomedy : three or four ardi- tcs for your three or four Farces ; and twelve hundred doblones for my twelve hundred Comedies, Fieftas, Autos Sacramentales, etcetera ! My Comedies, Fieftas and x^utos, have furniflied me with fuch a ftore of . . words i BW i MW '' u'"WPgw wi"» ym'"L f''i - [^74 words and phrafes, that with many of them I have been able to enrich the mar- gins of the great Spanifh Dictionary : but^ what have your lank Farces, and your puny Tragicomedy, furnifhed you with ? Wretched things ! With all their efforts, they could not even help you to find out a pun in Don Quixote ; Ay ! they could not even help you to the lady-like word diantre^ to the pretty repetition of ajsi ajii^ and to the mouth-filling phrafe de cabo en rabo I Away with your paltry trumpery ! away with your Celejiinay with your Juez de los divorcios, your Guar da Cuidadofa, and your other fmall ware I Nor dare you evermore to compare your Pedler-box to my Store-houfe, that contains half the riches of the Spanifh Stage ! Was ever fuch a Tolondron, that comes to make a parade of a few tooth-picks, when I can Ihew him Norway-mafls in plenty! I have no patience with fuch fenfelefs Tolon- droniffimos ! . You further come to tell me, Senor Licenciado Bowie (I have a good mind to make a Spanifh Doctor of you, though you [^75 you are but a poor Gorron) that you have apprifcd Doftor Percy of my having givea in my travels a defe^ive and erroneous account of the Spanifh literature. But pray, you monfler of nonfeqfe, you Gorron de mh pe-- cados ! How could I help that account being ine^ad and incomplete, if it was ; but a fketch, fuch as a poor traveller coul4 give in a hurry ? I never aflerted in any verbal, manufcript, or printed work, that my account was a good account ; nor has Dodtor Percy, or any other reader of my travels, taken it^ but for what it was; that is, a little chit- chat about Spanifh literature ; an effort, made en pajant, to induce people to fufpe or paper-makeri In one word^ as in a hundred, I faw with my own eyes; that in Spain there wa6 fomething more, than fuperftitiori, igno- tance; idlenefs, beggsiry^ and derelidion of every thing; as many carelefs or difinge^ huoiis rafcals would make me believe before I went there myfelf. I will not fay by all this^ that Spain is as yet, upon the whole, fo far and fo generally advanced in arts and fciences, as France, or England are. I will only fay, that her fons arc hard at work this very -day; and that they take large ftrides to rival both the Englifli and the French in every thing. My time for viewing s^nd examining fo many ob- N 2 jeds, y \ i8oJ je£ts, and for afcertaining all the aecoimfs givcii me of what I could not fee, was but ihort, for the eternal reafon, that my purfe was fliort likewife : and, as I had a long journey to come back, I did not choofe to run the rifk of remaining in pawn for my reckoning at fome inn or other on the road : fo that, if in my Travels through Spain (made up of obfervations put toge- ther in the two journeys I took to that country) I told but a few of thofe many things I had feen, or heard of, you might as well have conje6lured, that I dared not expatiate, for fear of fome curfed miftake or inexadnefs, that might then bring me to ihame, and under the lafh of cenfure, cither there or here. Of the Spanifli Li- terature in particular, I faid but little, and that little with fear and trembling, as I knew but little of it, which, to my forrow, is ftill the cafe, and will furely be as long as I live, for want of books and canverfa- tion, that I may not fay, for want of .fufficlent brains. And you, great Tolon- dron, you, that have never feen fifty Spa- niai I [i 8r nlfh books on a. fhelf; you, that cannot utter one poor fentence of Spanifti ; you, that have as much brains, as a flower-pot, that I may not fay fome other pot ; you, Mr. John Bowie, go audacloufly to tell Doctor Percy, that my Account of Spa- nifli Literature is impcrfeSi and erroneous ? You want to perfuade him, that my know^* ledge on this head, is nothing, or next to* nothing, when efpecially compared to yours? Oh the mighty Hifpanift, that deftroys at once the whole of my poor Spanifh learning, as the Sabio Mimaton did that of Don Quixote, by turning it all into a cloud of fmoke ! But, Jack ! A word in your ear. Have you any idea, any conception, any clear notion, of what lan Account of Spanijh Literature muft be, not to be an imperfect and erroneous one ? Do you know, that, beginning, as one ought, an Account of that Literature from the eighth century, when almoft all the li^nowledge of Europe was centered in Spain, down to the times of the great Don- Alfonfo ; then down to Ferdinand, Charles. N 3 the w i 1 82] the Fifth, and Philip tlie Second; thei> down to this prefent day ; do you know, I fay, that fuch an Account is poffibly cut of the reach, I will not fay, of any fmgle man, but of a great many men of the largeft fize of knowledge, and of the moft indefatigable perfeveranc^ in labo* rious fearches ? An Account of SpaniJI^ Literature not imperfccly not erroneous 1 Poor fellow ! An army of fuch Bowles a^ thee, though it were as numerous as that of Xerxes, would be far from fufficient for fuch an undertaking, w^hich would be a great undertaking indeed, as thou calleft thy wretched Comento ! Be but fo conde- foending, you immenf^ Tolondron, as to regale the public with the nice dainties you regaled Doctor Percy with ; and, when I have tafted, or but fmelt them, I will give you and him, I am fure, many and many cogent reafons, and in much more con- vincing words than yours, whether they are to be ferved at his, or any body's table, ' er flung in the duft-hole, for the fcaven- ger to fetch, and inform you to boot, whether [183 whether you can cope with Dm Antonio Jofeph Cavanilks, or only rank with Mon- Reur Mi/on : Den Antonio, a wife and well informed fellow ; the Monfieur a filly and impertinent puppy. But, why ftiould I degrade even that French puppy, by put- ting fuch a Tolondron as you upon a par with him i When Mi/on fpeaks of Spain, he is a puppy, God knows ; and an infuf- jferable one too: but, on other lubjects, he knows tolerably well what he is about, and has at leaft a good language, as v;eU ^3 a lively ftyle : but you, when fpeaking of Spain, or of any other imaginable thing, what are you, but a filthy conglomeration of ignorance, dulnefs, forwardnefs, pre- fumption, malignity, and nonfenfe ? You, John Bowie, you dare to think yourfelf equal to the talk of writing an Account of SpaniOi Literature, or of any Litera- ture ! And that, not an irnperfect, nor an erroneous one ; but fuch, as to deferve to be read by Doctors and Bifliops ? D'lilmmor' tales I In what a world do we live ! Upon my credit, that I am ready to fwear like a, N 4 crooper. 1^ I i84] trooper, and throw both my flippers Into the Thames, or the Severn ! But let me compofe my fpirits, too much agitated by fuch tolondronic vaunts and tolondronical bragging. Let me take a l^rge pinch of fnufF, that I may grow fo calm again, as to be able to purfue this important fubject to my reader's fatlsfaction and content- ment, which is what at prefent I have moft at heart. But, my pinch is up, one half of it in the right, t'other half in the left noftril, and I am fure I fliall now be angry no more ; therefore, let us go on, chatting and goffiping, like two old Dow- agers on an evening walk through Ken* iington Garden in the month of May. Now, Mr, John Bowie, I tell you calmly and in good humour, that with regard to Doctor Percy, if you mean him, as I fupr pofe you do, that actually adorns the Bifhops' Bench in Ireland, I declare to you, and to every body living, that I decline not, nor ever fhall, any judgment pafled by him on me, while reading your acute Remarks on my obtufe Account of Spa^ iiifli [183 ni(h Literature. I have had, and not fel- dom, the honour of fitting elbow to elbov/ with his Lordfhip, and have as good an opi- nion, poffibly a larger idea than you have, or may have, of his extenfive knowledge, powers of criticifm, and good tafte in li- terary matters ; nor do I want on thefe feveral heads the leaft information from Mr. John Bowie, or any other good foul. I queftion however, whether he has not loft his time, when he read both my Ac- count and your Remarks, if he has been fo patient, as to go through both. As to my Account, I am pretty confident, that It Is not worth a button: but let us, as I faid, give but a poor peep at your Re- marks, and we will foon fee, whether, or no, they are worth a button ajid a half, or only half a button. That you had fcribbled fome nonfenfe, or other, about my account of Spanifli. literature, I heard long ago : but, as I cared not a fig for it, I fhould have forgotten It totally, had you not put me in mind of it now. Why did you not do the fame with regard to 4« i* i86] - to my marginal notes, and forgotten them likewife ? Why did you go about Hamp- fliire and Wiltfhire, abufing me fo cordiaU ly as you did, which procured you the ho- nour of my naming you in mySpanilh dif- fertation ? Strange, that you fhould think yourfelf poflefled of the e^^clufiye right of abufuig me about two counties, ar^d fcrib- ble befides whatever you choofe about me and my doings ; yet be fo violently angry at my making marginal notes on a work of yours, and dropping a cha- |-acleriftic epithet on your pate, on ac- count of your adopting blindly fqme ab- furd orthographic notions I Where the devil, Mafter mine, is your equity in thi^ proceeding ? What claim have you to be totally exempted from the law of reta- liation*? Thofe travels of mine, I find, by your induftry in noting down feveral fcores, or feveral millions, of errors and faults in them, that they ftick curfcdly in your gizzard, though they be now nearly for- gotten by all that read them in diebus illis i [187 ]but little good, I think, will you do your- felf, by going to proclaim at Charing- iCrofs, or at the Royal-Exchange, that in November the 25th, 1779 ; that is, long before the date of my marginal notes, " ^ f* fenjtble friend of yours wrote you word, '* that he had no great opinion of mej f^ that my travels through Spain are full ^' of errors and miftakes ; and that v^hen in f Italy, he had frequent opportunities of ** experiencing, how furprifingly fecond f rate Italians are warped by prejudices ** againft the Oltramontaniy I will not, Mr. John, fet about guefling, who that fenfble friend of yours is, with whom you freely communicated your meagre conceptions about me and my works, at a time, that I never thought, or could think of your works, or of you, hav- ing feen you but once at a tavern, and ne- ver heard of your name before or after^ "until I faw you again at Captain Crook- ihanks's. Sure I am, if I chofe, that I could point my finger at th^X fenfble friend^ and fay, ^hou art the man, becaufe you have !' i88] have been lo indilcreet (not to fay worfe) as to give me fuifficient hints to make mc guefs right. But, why fhould I guefs, and make a ftir about it ? I had written a book, and I had printed it. He had, of courfe, an imdubitable right to tell you and any other body, in his daily converfa- tion, or in his letters, whatever he thought' about niv book : and none, but Tolon- drons, will ever deny any body the ex- ertion of fuch a right, which is one of the moft lawful, that men can have. Fhtter yourfelf not, however, that the gentleman v^ ill be much obliged to you for your forgetting yourfelf fo far, as to give the public and me, that part of his letter to you, which has now made more than one, mafters of an opinion, that he intended you ihould keep to yourfelf. Mr. John Bowie, thou haft here play'd a trick to thy JcnfMc friend^ that is not a pleafing trick : and, as I am fond of ending difputesby wagers, I will lay thee a goofe to a gander, that if ever he reads thy letter to thy Dodor, he approbates thee for a dangerous correfpon-, dent;^ [189 Bent, that will, when feized by a mad 'fit, betray the fecret of his friends to any bo- dy, be the confequence what it will. But, to leave this matter to be adjufted between you and him, I will come to fay this, that, if I have not his good opinion^ I am forry for it ; and this is all, that I can fay on his firft paragraph : yet, with regard to my travels, I will repeat it' again, that, no doubt, I have committed, as he fays, errors and mif" takes in them, through mifapprehenfion, or mifinformation ; not through wilful- nefs, of which I do acquit myfelf with a good confcience. However, that my travels ^lc full of errors and miftakes, if he will permit me to fay it, I cannot agree with him quite, and will make fo free with him, as to tell him, that his Wovd fully I take as a mere epiftolary word, that ran off his pen unawares, inftead of fome^ few^ or any other monofyllable or diflyllablt of a more gentle meaning. To inform him and you of the reafon I have for not entirely acqui^fcing in his verdi£t, and for thinking fomev/hat better of •r i i9oi of thdt work of mine, thaii the wofd ful comes to, I mtift tell you and him a ftoryi or to fay better, an anecdote, that in all probability will delight j^ou as muchi aS any you ever heard to the advantage of Doftor Johnfon, from the Sieur Bolwelli or Squire Tyer. The . anecdote is as fol- lows. One day at Madrid, the fecond time t was therej while I was at dinner at the young Count Rubion's,who wasat that time Sardinian Minifter there, a travelling berliil ftopt at his gate with a gentleman in it^ whofe fudden and unexpeded appearance furprifedand pleafed me much. 'Twas Count Scarnafis, I know not how many years embaffador from the court of Turin to that of Lifbon, who was returning home from his embafly. On his enter- ing the dining-room, and after having gone through the ufual ceremonies on fuch occafions with Count Rubion, 'he fpied me among his guefts, and prefently knew me, though we had not feen each other a good long while. '^ What ! old friend 2 Baretti ? [191 ^* Baretti ? Lo ! Here is thy book and •' drew it out of his great-coat- pocket * ^^ I have had it in my hands all along the ** road from Lifton here. I have croffed the •^ towns thou haft croffed ; lodged at the " inns thou haft lodged ; fpoken to many " thou fpokeft to ; enquired after thy fup- ** per at Telvas, where thou didft fplice thy '< Enghfli cake for Paolita and the other " dancers ; alked of Tia Morena, who ftill *' lives at MeaxaraSy after thy feaft of the ^' quartillos: in fhort, made it a point to ** probe thy veracity as a traveller to the *' very bottom ; and the devil is in it, but *' every fyllable thou haft written is true, ** as truth itfelf." I need not tell you, good John, that the book Count Scarnafis produced, was the Account of my Travels in Itahan, which [as you have obferved] is the fame I tranflated afterwards into Eng- li(h. Count Scarnafis after that day, has been in England as Envoy Extraordinary : then went to Paris as Embaflador ; and there he is ftill. Yomfenjiblefriefid, I have foma notion, knows him; and if he does notj he he may, by means of fome friend, eifilf come to the truth of this fact, in eafe he Ihould doubt it, which I am pretty confi* dent he will not. But you, Mr. John, do you really think, that I can now allow with a good confcience of his epiftolary word/a//, as if it had been the produaion^ not of epiftolary hurry, but of a long and ferious examination ? Do you think, that, as you have done, I muft fwallow it, as the Spaniards fay, a tragala perra ? Whip me, if I do, after fuch an un fought for and honourable teftimonial in my favour by a man of rank, dignity, and knowledge! and, as to what your fenfible friend 'laid about fecond rate Italians, far from falling to loggerheads with him about it, as you expear I will lay you another wager of a turkey to a pigeon, that he is right, know- ing myfelf of my own knowledge, that tvtnfojl rate Italians TiXt furprifmgly warped by prejudices againft Foreigners, which is what he means by Ollratmntani. But do you crofs vourfelf at that. Mafter John ? In- deed if you do, vou know not as yet, that two [19 D two and two make four ! I can vouch, without the leaft fear of contradiction, that there are many^r/?, fecond, and third rate folks in Italy, as well as in any other country, furpnjingly warped by prejudices againft all countries but their own : and God forbid I fhould be fo fimple, on fuch a fcore,' as to except the Englilli. John Bull and I have been moft intimate friends thefe many years, and I know enough of his prejudices and warpings ! But, as they chiefly arife from his native fimplicity, I do love him the better for them, efpecially as he happens to be quite right on a few important points, foolilhly contefted him by thofe prejudiced and warped Foreigners^ who have only met him in the ftreets, or in St. George's-fields, when he happened to be fuddled. I will tell you more, Mr. Bowie, if you will liften. Do you know, that, under different appellations, there are a great many branches of Mr. John BuWs family fcattered in every country under the fun, of which every member has plenty of zvarpings and prejudices P But, who O cares ^94] cares for the prejudices and warpings of the John Bulls of any country ? As for me, to tell you nay fecret, I make game of them all, when I hear them ferioufly talk of their individual and indubitable lupe- riority over each other, which is the topic, whereon they are conftantly willing to ex- patiate. And why do I laugh at them ? Becaufe that I love the great varieties this world exhibits, which weuld prove too infipid without them ; apd becaufe I have long adopted as an irrefragable truth the French faying, that, mime en Normand'ie 11 y a des honnctes Gens. Forget not to inform of thefe my odd notions \o\ix fenfhie Friend^ if ever he comes again in your way ; and next time you write to your Divinity- Doctor, give the world a few of your wife remarks upon thefe fame odd notions of mine. After having tried to make me angry at your JenjibkFnend^ you awkwardly endeavour to foothe and appeafe me, by telling me of a very pretty thing faid of me by the mojl pkajing Author, as you call him, of the Nouvciiif Nouveau Voyage en Efpagne : but, for all this unufual piece of flattery, mihi obtun- dere not potes palpum. Th a t mojl pleafing Au- thor, whom I know to be the Abbe de la Porte, concerned once with la Baumelle m writing the Volteriana, many people pre- tend, never was in Spain ; but compiled his Nouveau Voyage in Paris, out of mine and other people's travels. Whether this be true, or not, I cannot as yet affirm, becaufe, as yet, I have not read his work. But, true, or not true; and I would not give a cofs-lettuce for the difference, I am vaftly obliged to you for telling me, that he allows me de V efprit: a gratuitous pre- fent, not frequently made to foreigners by the French, who, in general, keep fo faft /* efprit to themfelves, and confider it {o much as their fole property, that a poor fellow born out of France muft congra- tulate himfelf as tranfcendently fortunate, when he obtains from any Monfeur fo much of that pickle, as may occafionally render a difh palatable, when ferved at any table throughout thole parts of the O 2 univerfe. 196] univerfe, that are not included in his king's dominions. True it is, that the pleufinng Jnihor, a little too Gallically, Atmt^ truth to my Spauifli Travels : but, though I may irrcluclantly lubmit to his opinion, when he tliinks me a man of efprit, I admit not of his aflertion, that I have not linked wit to truth thrDughout my work to the heft of my power : and, whatever he may fay about Aranjuez, I wifli you to tell him, next time you fee him, that my defcription of that place is as truCy as it is true your name is John, and your nick- name Tolondron. As to his affirming, that, both in England and France, there are finer fituations, than that of Aranjuez, I anfvver, that 'tis aiways a mere matter of opinion, whether this and that fpo^: is prettier, than this and that other fpot : and fo, Peter may prefer Ferfailles to Jranjuez, Paul may prefer Aranjuez to Ferfailles^ and Andrew may prefer /f7W- for to both, without any of them com^ mitting a mortal fin, and without in- juring the fmalleft leaf, that growls on any V i \ > [197 any of their numerous "trees. However, I never faid, th^t the Jituation of Aranjuez was a finer fituation^ than any in France, or in England. I onlv defcribed the houfe and gardens in the moft exaft man- ner I could: and, if Morfieur T Ahbe de la Porte has defcribed both better than mv- felf, that only proves he has more efprit, than I have : and you know, that I am not obliged in law, or in confcience, to have more efprit than a Frenchman. I will only remark, that the quotation added to the Frenchman's words by an^, other hand, is a knavifh quotation, be- caufe the w^orthlefs dog, w^ho put that ferret to the Frenchman's cane, fup- prefled the fecond half of my words, as it is his conftant method never to aft fairly : and you may poflibly give a guefs at the man that 1 mean, and whofe name I • fupprefs. To put an end, if poflible, to your mighty fufs about my ^ravels^ now buried in the duft, I muft tell you another pretty' ftory : a thing I am fond of doing, w^hen O 3 1 talk I talk to children, or to tall folks, that have childifh intelleds. The ftory is as follows : Two or three days after the publication of thofe fame Travels here in London, a bag was left for me with my Landlady, together with a Ihort note in Spanifh, wherein I was told, that •* Dona Paula ** fent her compliments to me, and that, ** having found, by my Account of Spain, *' that I difliked not the chocolate drank *' at her houfe, when in Madrid, Ihe made ** free to fend me a few hollos^ etcetera :" and thofe few hollos filled that fame bag, which was a bag of a very decent di- menfion. You may well think, Mr. John, that, on receiving a prefent fo rudely made, I prefently wanted to know,who this impo- ^ fing Dona Paula was, that faucily dared to perfonate her, whom I had left in the capital of Spain. Adluated by this curio- fity, I fet immediately about inquiring ^ the Cri- tical Review, See the Monthly Review, See the Devil and his Dam ! I would by no means have you rejeft every individual See See ill the world : that is not my inten* tion. But, I take it to be a very^ great piece of impertinence, to be eternally plaguing people that read, with tliat fancy imperative See^ as if they had no other bufmefs hi the world, but to verify every tittle of your nonfenfe : befides that, it befpeaks iil-bieediilg to reproach a reader in each page with his beggary, if he hap- pens to be one of thofe, that have not a duplicate of each book in your library. Try likewife to write your own thoughts in your own words, rather than copy words and thoughts from others, as you have fo often done hitherto : and, when- ever you fhall mention people, living peo- ple efpecially, fay of them what you think yourfelf, not w^hat Valerius Maximus or Fabius Maximus, or any other Maximus fiid or thought ; becaufe it is my opinion, tliat none of thofe old gentlemen ever thought or faid much of you, of me, or of any other man living. To recommend falrnefs and candour in every thing you write, and beg of you to [205 to have always ftrld truth before your eyes, I know would be abfurd, as well as hopelefs. I might as well beg of you an addition to my penfion out of your own income ; and I know befides, that every . writer cannot be poffefled of every poiTible perfeflion. Some defideratum or other every writer is always in want of, that he never can attain, be his induftry ever fo vigorous, and his drudgery ever fo indefatigable. Truth, Jack, truth is the grand defideratum you will ever want in your literary performances, if. by your paft I may judge of your prefent doings ; and on this point you are exactly like me, that am capable of jaying any things as you have acutely obferved. However, iVickiiig to truth is but a trifling accomph(hment : and you, poflefled as you are^ of many others of much greater magnitude and importance, you need not blufli at the wilful and conftant want of that : There- fore, the beft thing you can do, is to goon in the old track, like a Spanifli mule, putting your dirty hoofs exad^y in the fame holes, [2C6 holes, in which you put them before. Re- peat then, and without ftammering in the leaft, that, befides the already mentioned, 1 have ftolen half a dozen watches more, . and all of gold, though to your pofitivc . knowledge they be but of pinchbeck : and to make people fwallow the aflertion eafily, fay, that I have related myfelf the ftory in the hearing of half a dozen wor- thy gentlemen ; only taking care not to call any of them to witnefs your words for fear of contradiftion. Say again and again, that I am an envious and malignant toad, when I fet about making marginal Notes ; though you may know for fure, it is chance, that brings me to make them for the inftrudion of my young difciples, or for my own paftime. Say, in a tone of fulmination, that I know not a jot of any thing whatfoever, and never (hall, were I to fpend all my future mornings at my delk, as I have cuftomarily done thefe many years, both in town and country, and as I aftually do, until the maid, or the bell, calls- me to dinner. Cry out au- dacioufly, [207 dacioufly, that I am a mere flatterer, a mere fycophant, a mere parafite to the great and the rich, witnefs my paft and ^ prefent opulence. \ In fhort, milky John, lay and repeat undauntedly, and without any bafhful hefitation, whatever detraftlon may fuggeft, arid wickednefs can invent, with the fole precaution of involving your abftrufe meanings in myfterlous words, and oracular phrafeology, for fear of acci- dents : and the Devil is in you, if in a fhort time you do not acquire as great a name, and as extenfive a reputation, as Zoilus, Heroftratus, Cartouche, or any other fublime genius, that ever fhone in ancient or modern times. By thus hand- ling your pen with vigour and vehemence, I warrant you, Jack, that no man Ihall ever he able to beat it off your fingers with a fillip, though he were as ftrong as Broughton of mufcular memory. TOLON^ TOLONDRON. SPEECH THE EIGHTH. Confiado en que es rico^ A^ ha caido ei^que es borricCy TborrUo de pujanza^ Como aquel de Sancho Panza. Cervantes. Baretti. JF my memory falls me not, you have -*• averred in one of our preceding inter- locutions, that my Italian fuits not at all your refined tafte, and you have given befides your Divinity-Dodor repeated hints, of your having a ftock of that lan- guage at home, not only fiifficient to qua- lify you for a Critic in It ; but even to make you produce, fpick and fpan upon any fudden call, a five-fhilling book, or, at the very leaft, a nice eighteen-penny- pamphlet, [209 pamphlet, whatever fonie folks niay thinks who are, as yet, not fo fully acquainted as yourfelf, with the dlmenfions of your Italian fcientificalnefs ; and^ as it happens, that the good Doftor is quite c. ftranger to the modern tongues^ what can he do elfe, but nod affent and confent to your hints, and admit of your averrations, as perfeftly unexceptionable ? How can he anfwer you, iti the words of our bonny Don Miguel, Puis como de lo que ignoras ^ieres mojlrarte maejlro f and how can he repeat to>our face with a vigorous tone of voice, that energetic line of my Luigi Pulcl; lo non ti ere dene' , pc fojt II Credo ? Whether, or no, the Dodor gobbles down whatever you tell him of yourfelf and of your great knowledge of Italian, I muft fay it again, that, as to me, to pin my faith upon any thing you aver^ is p what what I fhall never do on a full gallop, were I even the owner of Mr. Kelly's beft race- horfes, maugre the high opinion I have and entertain of your unmatchable vera- city. Such are the times we live in, (as my good Gammer ufed to fay) that eafy believers are too often taken in by your averring gentry, and we want now-a-days accurately to fpell their eyes and read their phiz, before we credit any thing they aver. For this, and other reafons, well known to myfelf, which I think indecent to give here, as I fhould prove more pro- lix, than a gentleman ought to be ; and without prefuming to prefcribe the obfer- vation of my rules to others ; I do proteft in due form, that I will never fwerve from that, which I have laid down for myfelf, of never buying any of my Jack's averra^ iionSy were he even willing to part with them at the low price often for an apple- fritter, as I know of no drug fo bad and fo ufelefs in this wide world, as thofe his averrations, though they are fometimee as ^ big. Itli t)ig, as the water-melons at Ptjioja^ and other parts of Tufcany. Afliuated by fuch a rule, I muft frankly tell you, Mr. John Bowie, that though your knowledge of the Italian Tongue were as extenfive in breadth and in lengthy as the Campagna di Roma, the very ftji fpecimen you have given mankind of it, was but a fcrubby fpecimen upon my honour ! It was by great chance, that I difcovered it in a dark nook of your letter to the JDoftor, (hrunken up into fo fhort a line, that it does not txctedfeven words^ mono- fyllables, diffyllables, and polyfyllables in- cluded : yet, though contracted to fo dimi- nutive a fize, I will venture to aver in my turn, that, in the compofing of it, you have committed no lefs than three errors grammatkaU and one idiomatkal over and above: and. you muft, or ought, to own and acknowledge with much compun£tion of heart to the whole congregation, that three errors of grammar, and one bad idiom, are rather too much, than too little, for a pygmy-line, that confifts only oi feven P % words {/' words, which, taken in the lump, can fcarce number twelve fyllables. Do not give way to a qualm, my good Tolondron, when you come, as I hope you will, to read this averratlon of mine : and take care, above all things, not to grow angry at it ; as anger fignifies juft nothing at all in fuch piteous cafes as this : but, like a wife man as you are, make virtue of ne- ceffity; that is, make your profit of what 1 am going to remark upon your Speci- men ; no matter if it proves by the way, that you are as great a CogUonacclo In Ita- >^ lian, as you are a T'alondron in Spanifli ; and no matter neither, if it demonftrates undeniably, that the bulbs, you have im- ported from Italy, are not yet ready to fhoot forth into five-fhillings-hyacinths, and elgbteen-nenny-jonquilles, on account of that hor/id winter, that makes your intel- lectual garden look more like the territory ot Guanca-Velka in the Audience of ^ito^ than like the environs of the Concepcion m that of CLik : and go you to read the works of Don George Juan and his travel- ling lino- companion, if you will get at the marrow of my comparlfons, fimllles, and allufions, as I am in a hurry to come to the matter in hand without any further prefacing. You wanted then to fay of an Italian pickpocket, that he Jlole his friend's watch ^ as you exprefled it with thefe very words in Engllfh : and, had you ftopt ihort there, I (hould have nothing to fay to your fo faying, and the m.atter would be foon .over, by only calling your pickpocket a fad dog, though a countryman of mine. But the Devil, that ow^es you more than one grudge, tempted you to go beyond your depth, and made you tranflate your fcrap of Englifh into Italian thus : chc furava il orluolo del fuo amico ; and this Is what one may call a divili(h bad tranfla- -tionj for, inftead o{ furava, you ought in grammar to have faidj^r^, becaufeyj^r^r^ does not mean Jlole, which indicates an abfolute aft; but means was fealing, which denotes a progrelfive act ; and an sibfolute a is unidio- matical, as well as fuperfluous in your phrafe, befides that it difgufts the ear, on account of the hiafus caufed by the meeting of the of/«o, and the a of amico.^'^o\x ought, therefore, to have trandated your Englifh pygmy-line grammatically and idiomatically thus : che furi /' oriuob all* amico ; a tranflation fo eafy and obvious, that nobody, but a Coglionaccio like you, p 4 . could 21 6] could have miffed. Let me add to all this, that, if you had even tranflated your Eng, Jlfli pygmy-line in the grammatical and idiomatical manner I have done, ftill ^ou would not have proved a great conjurer, as our \tx\i furore belongs to our poetry, not to our profe, becaufe it has an aiitiquar ted and Latin look. But let me not be too nice with fuch a Tolondron as you, and allow, for fliortnefs fake, of the verb you employed, though that of rubare had been the proper verb in your cafe. And now ^ .down on your marrow-bones, you great I'oUnA Dron, and humbly thank me for my gracious condefcenfion in looping fo low, as to give a Tol-ro-lol like you fo Jong, fo perfpicuous, andfo ufefulaleflbnoflta^ lian; andconfefs without any delay, and in an audible tone, to the whole congregation, that all yourpafl vaunting of Italian know- ledge, was nothing but an impudent fham, nothing but arrant impofture, nothing but a mountebank's bragging ; and that you know little more of it, than an Italian Gimerro; as you yourfelf have here proved beyond [217 beyond all poffibillty of negation, that you have not yet attained the firft rudi- ments of our grammar, and the firft ideas of our idiom, though you have been plod- ding and plodding a cotifiderable part of your life at your /even and twenty books, pompoufly enumerated in your foolilh Co- rtiento. • Very large is likewife the quantity of • Italian veries and bits of Italian profe, tranfported in that, foollfli Comento from yonx /even and twenty Italian books; the greateft part fo wretchedly fpoilt in the tranfportation, that, were the lucklefs fa- thers of thofe verfes and profes (par- don me this plural) to fee them again, I q\j(^ion whether they would know their refpeaive children, fo rife are their errors there, becaufe you have lopped a letter or a fyllable from a word, added one to another, mlfplaced or omitted this and ■ that accent, and punftuated every thing throughout with fuch a want of Ikill, that a country-booby, juft come to town to com- mence carpenter or cobler, could not have done 2l8] done worfe. And fhall I tell you, that, in the four lines out of Ariofto, quoted in the 25th page of your Letter, you have comnutted no lefs, than fix fins of ortho- graphy ? Never did I fret and fume fo much in all my born days, as when I found fo large a quantity of my unfortu- tunate native language fo intolerably man- gled and mutilated in your foolifh Comento ! Nay, to reveal to you one of my impor- tant fecrets, many a time have I been moft liberal of ftrange epithets to Mr. Com- mentator, while looking at that curfed farrago of quotations, made there by him, for the fole fake of looking very grand in his charafter of Itallanift. Exped not however, that I will fet about proviii|my averraiions on this head, with a fingle ex- ample out of the curfed farrago j becaufe a pretty large number of thofe errors I have pointed out to my difciples, while J was reading Don Quixote with them, and noted innumerable in the fpacious margins of your edition, which is enough for me ; and, if it ihould not be enough for yop, Maftex Matter Jack, you have but to fend any body you chufe, to look at thofe my mar- ginal notes any day in the morning, from ten till three, during three months after the publication of thefe Iheets, as this, and no more, is what I can do, towards curing you of your dropfical vanity about Italian, if the above correftiofi of your firft fpeclmen proves inefficacious. I am not fo unlkilful an apothecary neither, as to puke my Englilh readers with an account, that would prove ufelefs, of the Italiaa profe and verfe you have chopped and dif- figured in your Comment. No Englifh reader, but what has already had patience enough, if he has read all, that I have been vvrltlng, down to this crofs, that I make here + ; and, were I to pefter him with an errata as long as Bond-ftreet, fure am I, that he would fling my fpeeches into the fire, with a curfe a-piece to you and me : and that is what I will avoid, if 1 can, that you and I may never have any . thing ib common. Errata,or no errata, ceafe you great Toloadron, to wreftle with me •^ • on if 220] on account of the language of Italy, as you fliall certainly get nothing, but falls upon falls, and overthrows upon over- throws. You know the meaning of many Italian words, efpecially w^hen you refrefh your memory by recurring every minute to ipy Diaionary : but, without it, a- ground you are, as fure as a gun. Were you however to get that my Didionary as well by heart, as the Carmelite Nuns have the Ave Maria, ftill it would be to no purpofe, as you have not, nor ever will have, the dexterity of mind, that is required, to put words of Italian, or of any other foreign language, tight toge- ther, totally deprived, as you are, of that natural muficalnefs of ear, that makes people diftinguifli in a twinkle, the night-, ingale and the iky-lark from the owl and the cuckoo. To end this matter at once, and to ihew you that I can talk as big as you, and bigger when I am behind the parapet of reafon, I command thee, Jack Tolondrcn tolondroniffimo, in the name of the Academy Delia Crufca, to believe for [221. for the future, that in point of Italian, b am an elephant, a rhinoceros, when com- pared to thee, poor cock-chafer and dung- beetle, that thou art ! And fo, dare no more to plague me with thy quackilh talk about Italian, whereof thou knoweft lit- tle more, than I could teach a parrot in a twelve-month, were my Dictionary once taken from thee, and fairly flung dowm a hole in thy back-yard, that I will not name. You give yourfelf likewife very great airs, Monjieur de ^olondron, with refpecl to French, and want to make your neigh- bours in the country believe, that you can even cope with an Ablancourt and a Vauge- ' las. To obtain this end, you quote, a tort et a tracers, French verfes and French profe, and give your opinion of French authors with as much audacity, as if you had been heir at law to Mejieurs Baillet and Boileau^ Defpreaux. Fine doings thefe, mon cher Marquis de la "Tolondrcfiiere ! but, by great goodluck, you never as yet honoured us with the leaft/^/// mcrceau of French, out f: t out of that mucli, tfeat you have been id* vouring thefe many years : No ; we have, as yet, not {een the leaft fetite fricajfee of your own cookery, though, for what 1 know,you may be as good a Cuifinier as the Sieur Mart'icdo of nice- roaft lug memory : and, fo far, le Baron de Tolondrognac is as fafe, as an efcargot In his winter-fhell. Guefling however at the deepnefs of your Ikill this way, by the blunders you com- mitted in copying the French you have quoted here and there; and, what is ftill a furer plummet, by the general and uni- form tenour of your dulnefs and tolondro- nery, when you hold forth on the fubjedl of languages ; I have reafon cifoijon to fuf- pe£l, that you are as yet far from being a Nojlradamus in that language, and juft as fit, as a Lithuanian Bear, to ikip a fprightly Cotillon^ or pace a graceful Almahle Valn^ queur^ which is an undertakings pleafe your Tolondronfhip, that muft be left to your charming Englifh Miflfes, who have not an ounce of Bear's fat about their nimble bodies; not to you, that have fo many pounds. [223 pounds. Belie me, notwithftanding, if you dare, and write and print but one pigmy-line of French, as you have done of Italian : and I will prefently let you know, Jlanspede in uno^ whether you are fufficiently frife et poudre^ for to go and hold converfe at Paris au Caffe de Procope^ or only quali- fied to be a waiter a V Hotel de Port-Mahon dans la Rue Jacob. But, in your opinion, your fort is Spanlfti : and It is when you talk of Spa- nlfh, that you vault, and leap, and curvet, and prance, and kick, and neigh, like a frilky colt en las dehejfas de Andalucia ; Angllce, in the launds ofAndaluJial It Is when you are in Spain, that you cry out with a joyful exultation : Mire la mofqueteria^ como bien hago my papell " See^ ye Gods above y what a clever fellow I ani"' I — It is there. Jack, that the Fandangos — Stop, ftop, Domine BarettI ! ftop a mo- ment, and recoUedl yourfelf ! Can't we be calm, and talk like men of fenfe, with- out fuffering ourfelves to be run away with, by filly antipathies, and ridiculous animo- fities ! ^ w !<^ 224] fities ! You, Baretti, who have Idng piqued yourfelf on your unbiafled uprightnefs and abfolute candour, whenever you have fet about criticifing, or cenfuring, any body's w^orks, (which, by the bye, Is what I never did in writing, but when my indigo nation was.raifed to the higheft pitch) will you, Signlor^ fo far debafe your charafter, as to infift, that John Bowie has no know^ ledge at all of the Spani(h Tongue ? Will you do as he does, that cuts you down at once w^ith the greateft effrontery, and ajfures and ave^'Sy that you know nothing at all of this, nothing at all of that, nothing at all of t'other thing ? No, no, John ! Baretti will never be like you in any one thing, if the grace of God fails him not ! Never will I fpeak of friend or foe, when put to it, contrary to what I really think, were I to live upon nothing, but brown bread and mufty ba- con the years of Methufelah. Never will I liften to paflion when reafon fpeaks. No, never, as long as I fee God's light. I fay therefore of your Spani(h,.as of your French [325 French and Italian, that you know many and many words, poffibly (within ten or twelve) all the words in Don Quixote, efpecially when your Dictionaries are fpread open before you : but, granting you thus much is not at all allowing, that you know the Spanifli Tongue. To know many words, and to know a language, are two different things, though the fecond requires the firft. The nice craft of cloth- ing your thoughts with Spanifh words and phrafes, in which the knowledge of a Tongue confifts ; the Spanifli gracfas and chl/les, the Spanifli donaires anl fainctes ; the Spanifh primor and gracejo : in fliort,the true and genuine Spanifh modes of expreffion are to you impenetrable barruecos and matorrales, and will be as long as you breathe. The great fecrct oi indolem frugum €t Hlfpana fem'ma confervare, you never could learn, and never will, w^ere you to fag ttveni)' years longer about AUrete^ Covarru^ vias, Nebrixa, Ribadeneira, the Academician^ Diclionary^ and your other Spanifh books, with thofe to boot, that are regiftered ia the BMoteca Efpanolaoi Don Nicolas Antonio. Q Nature .I If ^i ?26] . Nature has given you a mind of portland- floiie ; and the Cajlellano ca/iizo you will know as loon as you will the Malabaric and the Chinefe. Your ridiculous Com- ment, and your moft foolifh Preface to it, are irrefragable proofs of my affirmation ; leaving afide the beggarly poverty of your thoughts and ideas in that Preface, and the miferable mifery of your method in impin- guating that Comment (fubjedls, that would have yielded fpontaneoufly luxuriant crops of thoughts and ideas to any other^ man), and confide ring only the manner, in which you exprefled your few and loufy conceptions, it is fcarce poffible to keep from growing peevifh, and abftain from fcolding, as fome ladies will do at times, on feeing their finefi: china broken at once by the awkward elbow of their chamber- maids. Your Spanifh is worfe than that of the Bifcayan Groom, who fell by the powerful arm of Don Quixote ; as the, Groom had a meanmg in his broken Spa- ni(h, which is what you fcarce ever have in yours. Your Spani(h is a h©dge-podge " . of 227] of words, that never before faw each other fo damnably ftewed together. No gram- mar, no idiom, nothing at all, or (to fay better) nothing, but a Hottentot-mefs, that no Spanifh efophagus could fwallow a fpoonful of, without vomiting the bowels. But, again ! — How can I, without put- ting my reader out of all patience, prefent to his eyes the ftinted limbs, the diftorted gait, the clumfy attitudes of your monkey- periods ! I know you will fay, that this is pure invedive, the language of malignity, a mere efFufiou of ill-will, on account of the villainous falfehoods you have told of me in your daily converfe, in your epif- tolary correfpondence with more than one, in your Letter to the Divinity-Do£lor, and in your four fcrapsto Mr. Urban. No, no, Mr. John Bowie ! You deceive yourfelf. I am not like you in any thing ! I never fay of friend or foe, but what I think; and I fay it, when violently urged to it, as I am now. Were you my bofom- friend, my panegyrift, my flatterer; as obfervant of me, as any fpaniel of his 0^2 mailer's I 228] mafter's nod, ftill I would honeftly tell you, that your Spanifh is a damn- ed Spanifh, in cafe you fliould alk my opinion of it with afFedlionate impor- tunity. No, Mr. Bowie, and no again ! On the odd fuppofition you were my heft friend, never would I put it in your power to fay, that Baretti approves of your Spa- ni(h. After having read your Preface, I would rather be cut into quarters, and broiled on a green-wood-fire by a New- Zealand cannibal, than give my fan£lion to your Spani(h, if afked my opinion in earueft by my fuppofed friend Bowie : and you may well expeft, that, having now taken into your filly numikull to Ihow yourfelf my foe, I will, whenever occa-. fion fliall offer, tell you and every body elfe, and without any gag, what I think of you and your Spanifti. You ftill infift upon my proving v^hat I advance: but vou infift in vain ; and, were you twice as Demofthenical,as Janotus de Bragmardo^ , that obtained the rtftitution of the bells from Gargantua by the irrcfiftible force of his [229 his unmatchable oration, never could you perfuade me to fet about doing fuch a thing ; befides, that the nature of the fub- jeft fcarcely admits of proofs one way, or the other, without embarking on an At- lantic of difcuflTions, to no other purpofe at laft, but to difcover a dreary continent, of which the foil has produced nothing thefe twenty year 5^ but weeds, and vetches^ and tares, and burs, and docks, and papa- verous flowers, of no ufe in any thing to any body alive or dead. Take me a reader of fpirit and tafte, to fuch a promif- ing land, if you dare ! Pox on your Pre- face ! It is no more feafible for you to prove it good, than for me to prove it bad ! Neither can be done without blot- ting fo many reams, as to make the tax on paper the moft productive of all taxes* What expedient ftiall we then contrive, to fettle this mighty affair between us ? Let us come to a compromife, Mr. Bowie, and let us choofe an umpire. Go you yourfelf to theSpanifli ambaffador's houfe, and alk for any of his people, no matter O 2 whether li^ I -« al> whether the fecretary, the chaplain, the butler, or the cook. You will ealily find accefs to any of them : and the firft on whom you light will prove, fo obliging, as to hear what you have to fay. I know the Spaniards better than you, and I can y tell you, that they are polite and obliging, ninety nine in a hundred. With your Preface in your left hand, and your broad beaver in the right, (or the reverfe if you cboofe) acquaint with your errand whom ^ , you meet , firft, by telling him, that *' there is a perfon, who wants to know, whether the contents of that paper (quo- tations excluded) are exprelTed in Spa- ** nifh or not, and beg of him to give you *' in writing, a declaration of his opinion, *' no matter whether for or againft.'* Should fuch a declaration prove in your favour, I promife you that I will knock under, and prefently give you another with my name affixed to it, that, as to Spaiiifh, and any thing elfe you pleafe, I am nothing, but a falfe pretender, an impofing quack, a tolondron, an af^ from ti €i [231 from head to tail, whatever any body may allege to the contrary. — But, on the other hand, ftiould the declaratioji go againft you, what will you forfeit ? A rump and dozen ? No ; becaufe I will eat and drink no more with you, as, having done fo twice, is more than enough. Will you for- feit your Aldrete ? Your Nebrixa ? Your Covarruvias ? Your Ribadeneira ? That you will think too .great a ftake againft fo trifling a thing as my literary reputa- tion ; though it had been greatly better for you, never to have feen their covers, for the good that they have done you. Well ! forfeit but a tefter, to be given in alms to the firft beggar in your parifti you meet, to make him ftare at your liberality. Can I propofe fairer conditions ? But, hold! There is your fenjible friend, who knows Spanifli, as you have hinted : there is Baron Dillon, to whom Captain Crook- ftianks advifed you to go, becaufe he fpeaks Spanifti fluently ; and there is the Honourable Perfon, who fpoke of your Prologo in terms of approbation, as you affirmed to Qj. - the V Ill i 232] the fame Captain Crookfhanks. Send me a declaration from any one of the three in your favour, and you Ihall have mine forthwith in the above conformity, and without an hour's delay, with my full confent to publifh it in the daily papers, or in any magazine you (hall pleafe, at my own expence, to reconcile the accumula- tion of your new honours with your habitual parfimony. But your Preface, and my having nam- ed here Captain Crooklhanks, put me in mind, that I have a few words to fay to the reader in his behalf, as you have join- ed him to me in your filly letter to the Divinity-Doctor. Who is then Captain Crookfhanks ? Is he a man of literature ? Is he a linguift ? Is he one of your fcribbling gentry ? An Editor ? A Commentator ? A Prologo- monger ? Nothing of all this, you peremptory interrogator ! He is a refpedable gentle- man, ten years older than myfelf, who am nearer feventy than fixty ; a man that reads bzi reads for his amufement ; a man that knows more of French a great deal than of Latin ; and a man, that has read many times over in the original, both Don fixate, and the Nmelas Exemplares : yet of no pre- tenfions at all in the SpaniOi language, and many leagues far from affuring, that he can fluently read the poetry of Don Luis de Gongora, or any other Spanifh poetry. As to his other qualifications, he is a true BritiOi tar, that fpeaks his mind roundly, and without mincing matters ; loves a good joke as well as a cheering cup; and, pleafe your honours, would alfo love a pretty lafs, if the profound refpea, due to his own white hair, and to a few wrinkles on each fide of his face 'tween his eyes and his temples, did not abfolutely forbid any thing of that there kind : nay, if you are all unanimous in the defire of knowing him as well as I do myfelf, he has, every day in the week, a better dinner than Don Quixote had on Sundays, prefers Welch mutton to LancaOiire mutton, eats his beef-fteaks with fsrg i i*!'' [234 with chalotte, drinks two difhes of ftrong coffee after his afternoon-nap, and was but t'other day cheapening a forty pounds horfe for his own riding. But, what bruigs him this way, and what has he to do with Mr. Bowie, or Tolondron, as you call him ? Pocoapoco^ Mr. Peremptory, fay I in my own lingo, whicii does not mean hocus pocus^ as a merry Gloucefter-gentleman of my ac- quaintance explained it t'other day ; but means tout doucementiu French ; and is tanta- mount toj^/r ^;^^y^/inEnglifh. If you will but have half an ounce of patience, and let me fpeak in my turn, you Ihall know every thing, from the maft-head down to the kelfon. Did I not hint to you, yefterday above- ftair?, that our Mr. Bowie has written a letter to a Divinity-Do6lor (probably an ideal doctor) about the extraordinary con^ dudi of the Knight of the "Ten Stars ^ and his Italian Efquire ? I am fure I told it you yefterday, or the day before, in the drawing-room, or the room adjoining. Now, . [^35 Now, my good Sir, you muft know, that, by the Knight of the ^en Stars^ Mr. Bowie means Captain Crookfhanks ; and, by his Italian Efquire, means your moft obedient. Why the Tolondron has thus nick-named us, he may tell in his next Comento ; as in the fame letter to his Doc- tor, this enigma is not deciphered, nor one word faid about Knights, about Stars, or about Efquires, that may lead any body to the difcovery of the abftrufe meaning of the two appellations beftowed upon us in the title-page. Some conceit a la T'olon- dronne^ there is no doubt of that : but, what it is, I know juft as well as your- felf. Be thofe appellations very witty, or very ftupid, with a meaning, or without a meaning, I would not, for half a crown, fet about to unriddle riddles, efpecirily a Tolondron's riddles. Youfee then, my dear, that Captain Crookfhanks has as moach to do here as Spadille at quadrille, and Pam at loo : and the following ftory will tell you the cogent reafon I had for taking him by the hand, and refpectfully prefenting 'W 236] pre fen ting him coram Pa f rum Confer iplorum maxime colendo timendoque Confejfu ; that is, before a club of Englifli Reviewers, ready to broil me upon the gridiron of criticifm, quod Calum avertat ! The Captain, in the days of yore, has been an intimate friend to our tolondronic. hero : and being, as I faid, none of your alembick-critlcs in Spanifli, and hearing Mr. Bowie inceflantly dcfcant on his own great ikill in that tongue ; and finding that the man could talk glibly about Don Quixote and Sancho ; and moreover, that now and then he could recal the meaning of a Spanifh word, that had run away from his capitanick memory ; the Cap- tain, I fay, took it for granted, that Mr. Bowie was as good an Hifpanift as any marimro vitjoy or old failor, that ever put on trowfers in the good fhip Santa Maria de los Mi/agros, and could find his way, ifdefired, through x.\\t Zahurda de Pluhm, not very topographically defcribed by the whimfical ^evedo, — And Zahurda de Pluton means no more, than Pluto s Hogjly ; and « [^37 and Pluto is the god in the kitchen below, very well known to thofe Eton- boys, that have plunged deep 'into the waters of mythology, and carefully read the Gradus ad Parnafum, Mr. Ward's Pantheon, or the Abbe RobertePs Dieux des anclens Grecs, tran- flated into EngllOi, I know not by whom, if ever tranflated into it. The odd notion, that Mr. Bowie was a confounded good Hifpanift, had been fo hard hammered into the Captain's glan- dula pinealis, that, wrench it out with your forceps, if you can ! No fuch thing in- deed, were you a Chefelden, or a Pott ! You could no more have done it, than knockt off St. Paul's cupola with a (troke of your cravat! But Old Nick, who is always on the qui vive, to embroil matters between friends— wltnefs Omlah, who, by beating me at chefs, was the unthought- of caufe.— Zooks ! can't you go on with- out your nafty digreffions ? Well then : Old Nick contrived it with fuch fubtil- ty, that Mr. Bowie wrote his Spanifh preface, and carried it to the Captain for his !;.|:i 11 f!^ jipp [23$ his opinion. Can I tell you fo much in fewer words ? It is habitual with the Captain, when going to do any important thing, to rub his hands brifkly againft each other, take a very decent pinch out of his oval filver- box, that always lays by upon his writ- ing-table, and clap then his fpeftacles on his own nofe- Did he do fo, or did he not, on this occafion ? Hlftorians are quite filent on this particular, and fo, I cannot fay whether he did, or not ; nor know what to believe about it. What I believe is, that he gave the preface an at- tentive perufal : then returned it to the author with thefe formal words : " Maf- •• ter Bowie, this Prologo will damn your ** edition at once." Reader, 1 will not give what is called In French a pkaillon for thy imagination, if thou gueffeft not Inftantly, how high the man jumped at this unexpected epipho- nema. Poor fellow ! He quaked and Ciorted liked a cart-horfe, that fuddenly treads upon a black fnake, and oped both his 239I his eyes fo wide, that a common tea- cup is not much larger at the upper orifice ! However, his vigorous pride and fturdy good opinion of himfelf, foon bringing about a recovery of his fpirits, made him a(k with a hollow and globular voice, what was the matter with him, that he treated the Prologo with that unaccountable con- tempt ? *' Look ye, replied the captain : ** Contempt has nothing to do here, Maf- '* ter Bowie, as' you know, that I could ** not, for the world, write you a better : ** and you know too, that I can*t point " out the errors that are in this, becaufe " my ftore of SpanKh runs but fliort for '' fuch an expedition. But, fo much will '* I tell you, Bowie, that this ear of '* mine (and probable laid hold of the lower ** lobe of his left ear) tells me, that this here " Prologo is no more Spanifh than it is " Irlfh. Go you to our friend Baron Dil- ** Ion, who has been long in Spain, and ** fpeaks the language fluently : Go to* " him. Mailer Bowie, with your Prologo^ *' beg of him to correct it, and give him m <( Cartel li'l 240] •* Carte blanche. Many things in it he will *' blot, I am fure : but, the more, the •* better. Then take your Prologo back ** home, write it fairly over again, and " carry it to fome Spaniard or other, for " another correftion : then print it in " God's name, and welcome. You will ** have the whole honour of it, Bowie; " and no body a whit the wifer." This, Mr. John Bowie, is, within a hair's breadth, what Captain Crookfhanks has told me with regard to you and your Prologo, when I alked him the reafon of your actual great enmity to him, after having been very good friends during many years : and you yourfelf, in your Letter to the Divinity-Doctor, ftrongly corrobo- rate his account by thefe very filly words : *' On (howlng him my Prologo, the wea- ** ther-cock of his opinion veered about, " and he at once told me, that // would " damn the whole work. On mentioning ** him an honourable Perfons(pt^\^ing of it in ** terms of approbation, he turned a deaf ear. " Gad, [241 ^« 'Gad, faid he, if it Jands as it now does^ f ^ // will damn yaur *whole work I '* Find who can, any contradidion in thefe two accounts, as I am fo vaftly dull, that I cannot find any, They feem to me to meet each other as nicely, as the two blades of a fciffor juft come from the grinder. The comedy of the SimilUmi, ty St. Patrick { Rut, what ufe, Mafter Bowie, did you make of the captain's good advice ? Con- ceited, infatuated, ridiculous Tolondron ! Pofitively fyre, lapideoufly fure, that your Prologow2iS a diamond of the firft water. — A Prologo not a jot inferior to that of Cer- vantes to the Defocupado Let or. — Yo\^ rejefted fcornfully the captain's advice, turned your back upon him, went away ia the dumps, began to mutter about, that he was not the man you took hiqi for, and grew fparing of your vifits at Penton. Your fpleen began thus to fimmer in the caldron of difappointment : and to make ^t bubble up, not a word of praife from any quarter; and, what was ftill worfe, nq R bod;^ \\m 242] body called with poor three guineas in hi§ hand, for Bowie's edition of Don ^ixote^ either in London, in Salllbury, at Idmi- ftone, or any where elfe in the world. Then my unlucky planet managed it fo, that I went to fpend a fummer in your neighbourhood J and the unavoidable acci- dent of the marginal notes came about, that made Steropes, Brontes, and Pyracmon, blow the bellows with fuch hafte and fury, as not only to make the caldron boil over, but fet at once the whole houfe in a con- flagration, to the great terror of all the inhabitants, as neither fire-engines, nor fire-men, were within reach, by I don't know how many miles ! Pfhaw ! Hang your hodge-podges of Greek and Englifli metaphors, or what do you call 'em ! Hang Pyracmon and his brethren ! Can't yoii fpeak plain, and hang you too ! Hu(h', hufh, good people ! I will do fa anon : but, fo crammed with learning am, j 1, that, at times, it will burft out through the crevices of my Ikin ; or ooze, at leaft, 3 ^^ ' [243 at the pores of it : and I cm no more help it, than I can fly, though ever fo willing to pleafe you. Well : you may remember, Mafter To- londron, how enraged you were againft the captain, on account of his ridbg out every morning, fometimes on horfe-back, fometimes in his Httle one^horfe-chaife, for no other purpofe, than to come to my two difciples, that he might hear my Spanifli lelibns to them : and, as he is a free-fpoken gentleman, he made no fcruple to approve of them to your very face, -and in the very midfl: of the hop-fair, even when it was moft crowded ;. as by this time he had pretty well found out, that the cock he had thought all along a game- cock was but a daftard dunghill-cock. A horrible grievance this, and by no means to be apathically borne, as my leflbns were a manifeft encroachment upon your indu- bitable right, of knowing alone the lan- guage of Spain. To vindicate your ex^ clufive patent, and put a flop to fo fcan- 4alous a violation of that right, you began R z ^^ « n r 244] to fcheme, then to broach, then wrote, then printed, then pubhfhed, that mafter-*- piece of a letter, wherein you laid before your Doftor, and the public, your reafons, why you know Spanifh, and I know it not.; telling them befides, of your old friend's extraordinary conduSl, and as how he had the ill-manners of giving you a found and wholefome piece of advice, which, in your well-chewed opinion, was an aft little fliort of high-treafon, and well deferving the moft ferious confidera^ tion of King, Lords, and Coxi^mons, iu Parliament aflembled. This, Mafter John, is the doleful, woe^ ful, mournful, rueful ftory of yourprefent implacable and unconquerable enmity to Captain Crookfhanks, agAinft whom you have not been able to bring any other- charge, but that he gave you good advice ; a heinous crime indeed, to affume fo prince-r ly a prerogative, and well deferving one^ two, and even three hecatombs of captains, with a due proportion of lieutenants, on the broad altar of your infernal humihty ! Good \ [H5 Good advice to fuch a perfonage as Mr. Bowie ! How the devil could a Captain come to fancy and to fuppofe that John Bowie wanted good advice, efpeclally about a matter of fuch magnitude as a SpaniOi Prologo ? Rot his Captalnfhlp and his good advice ! John Bowie of Idmiftone— John Bowie the Editor— John Bowie the Com- mentator, never wanted good advice from Captains, or from Admirals. By gander! John Bowie of Idmiftone will have no good advice from any body in breeches, or with petticoats on ! Ay I but what will John Bowie of Idmiftone have ? Have I What a queftion ! He will have approbation and admiration. Do you hear him, you Indi- viduals of this nation ! Give him approba- tion and admiration without the leaft hefi- tationj or every one of you (hall fuffer laceration and amputation in his repu- tation, by calumniation and mifreprefent- ation from the arranteft dolt throughout the creation ! ,, • r -j However, what yotlr Tolondronfhip laid, of the Captain, in words, in cpiftolary R 3 '°'" li i»: I * l«"-t 246] correfpondence, and, at laft, in print, wa§ but gingerbread and barley-fugar to what you faid of poor me, when you did me the honour to create me his efquire, after hav- ing dubbed him, knight ! Garlick and onions ! Far from being that poHte gentle- man you had taken and miftaken me for, on our firft interview at a bookfeller's, I was — What ? "That man (faid you in aii elegant epiftle to the Captain), that man^ by the uniform account of all that know himy is a had man ; which I believe^ that I may not affedi a Jtngularity of Jentimcnt. The epiflle is dated fo far back as May 19, 1 783. Do you recoUeit the penning of it ? And, to fhovv your belief of that uniform account^ which, in my humble opinion, had no origin, but in the exemplary goodnefs of your incorrupted heart, always averfe to flander, and brimful of Chriftian princi- ples ; to {how that belief, I fay, you fell a calling me, in your daily converfe; by all the pretty names in the Englifh language, •that begin with an R, and an S ; and did it with fuch a volubility of tongue, as if you ,[H7 you had been twenty yeats P-feffor of Ruffianology and Goddamno bgy x rvthe ce lebrated Unlverfity of St. Giles s. In y^ epiftolary allufions, 1 was an Italian ajajin, by the uniform account of all that knew me ; and in your printed ribaldry, a man tha -^ouldfay any thing, toferve thepurpofesofthc ,noJl feculent part of mankind; a profejfedfyco- pint ', a general fanderer; ^nf;'2ol^ pickpocket, and an atrocious culpm efcapedfron ,he gallows by Do^or Johnfons abfurd apologies, falfedepoftions, and wilful perjuries. To corro- borate thefe, and other fuch averratms,jo^ called to witnefs, not only Valenus Maxmus, but alfo Mr. Ifarton on Spen/er, BiJhopHare s Vifficultles and Difcouragements, Dry dens Mfcellanies, Sir Edward Dering^s cM Virtues of a Carmelite Friar, Aulus Gelhus, Erafmus, and others, whofe names I have nov. forgotten : and you even produced two or three fcraps, well glued into one, outof rny own Frufla Letteraria, written m Italy four and twenty years ago, whereby you proved that I am . man full of ignorance and wiued- R 4 [248 I troon\ a mad and difjolute fooh, amanaJdrn^ edwhh every abominable endowment. —KnA. why, my dear, all this defperate deli- rium ? — Caro Idolo tnio^ why all this rant of a drunken lunatic ? Forfooth ! Be- caufe I made notes in the margins of a Spa- nifli book ! Was ever a jufter, and a more cogent motive, for a man's making an Ourang-outangof himfelf ! Let us fuppofe, notwithftanding, that I have brought myjelf in my Frujla Letter a^ ria an irrefragable teftimonlal againft my- felf: let us fuppofe, that Mr. IVarton^ Aulus Gellius, Dry den, BIJJjop Hare, the Car^ melite Friar, and the reft, depofed truely to my abominable endowments : let us fup- pofe, that the tmiform account of your learned and polite acquaintance w^as a faithful tranfcript of St. Mark or St. Luke's Gofpel: let us fuppofe, that Valerius Maximus was as good a pro- phet as Habakkuk or Jeremiah : What reafon had you, Mr. John Bowie, to fall foul of Dodor Johnfon ? When you paid him the firft, and only vifjt you 249I you ever paid him, v^ith a defign to turn him, if pofflble, into a paiiegyrift and proclaimer of your great undertaking, it muft be allowed to his eternal fhame, that he did not guefs flap-da(h at your being the moft dazzling luminary in the bright con- ftellation of the literary heroes of the day t of courfe did not exhauft his lungs, as you expefted he ihould, in hyperbolical com- mendations of you and your great under ^ takings, and only treated you with that refpedl, that is commonly paid by gentle- men, to other gentlemen, v/ho prefent themfelves dreffed in black, with a wig on their heads, and a book of their ovc^n in- diting ill their hands. And you grow an- gry at fuch behaviour ? And hisgohig no further than that, enrages you to frantick-- nefs and defperation ? Yet, fo it is, that, -as foon as gone to the bleffed place, where he may poflibly never receive a fecond vlfit from you, you give way to that fran- ticknefs and defperation ; and, to be even with him, befmeare his tomb with your beftial ordure. Oh, heavenly powers! Such Such a man as Samuel Johnfon write fpeeches, and fpeak apologies, in favour of the moft atrocious deUnquents ! Sa- muel Johnfon tell lies, forfwear himfelf, and accufe fomemoft refpeclable individu- als, of having joined with him in an infamous teftlmonial ? Go, Bowie ; go ftralghtways to Weftmlnfter-Abbey ; pro- ftrate yourfelf by the facred ftone that covers his revered remains ; ftrlke repent- ingly your hard IkuU againft it, no mat- ter if it cracks ; and expiate by ardent prayer and fervourous obfecratlon,the hel- llfh pollution you have committed ; fwear- ing to the injured manes of that good man, that you will endeavour for the future to govern better the wild turbulence of your paffions ! This is the advice, Mr. Bowie, that a real friend to human nature caii give you upon that your mojl extraordinary conduct. Do you receive it more thank- fully than that given you by Captaiit Crookfhanks^ on an occafion of much lefs moment : and God be with you with all my heart ! T O L O N- T O L O N D R O N, SPEECH THE NINTH. Ecoutez, Vidaze, que le maluhec 'Oous troujfe ! Je vou^ pr'ie, qu' entre nous rC y ait debat, ni tumulte, et qu€^ ne \herchon5 honneur, ni applaufement ; mais la mrlti f'^^'' Rabelais. THE Spanifh language, like the French and the Italian, to be read eafily and properly, requires accents on many of its fyllables ; otherwife, a reader will fall at every ftep into laughable equi- vocations, and utter altogether a jargon unintelligible : nor can any body place the accents on the right fyllables, if not acquainted with the pronunciation, which is alfo the cafe in Italian and m French. To give but a few Inftances of the ne- ceffity, as well as of the power of tha accents with regard to Spani(h, write, for example, the word dexo without one j and 25^ and It means I leave : but place an aceehf on the Oj and make it dexo ; and it means he left. Nor is only the meaning of the word thus changed by the power of that accent ; but alfo the pronunciation ; as iii the firft cafe, the two fyllables de and xo take an equal time in the utterance^ and no kind of ftrefs is kid upon either ; but, in the fecond cafe, a ftrefs is laid on the fecond fyllable xo ; and \\'e muft utter it with more force and quicknefs than the do^ which precedes it. Thus, write feria and varia, accented on the e of /^ and the a of va, they are both adjeSlives of two fyllables each : place the accents on their /'s, and make them feria and varia , and they are both verbs of three fyllables each. One inftance more : Hdcia is a difsyllable prepofiioti. Write Hacta, and you make it a three -fyllable verb. My fwcet friend Jack Bowie, who, by his own confeffion, frequently repeated, and in a bragging manner, rather than tak^ mg ihame to himfelf : Jack, I fay, who never could fpeak a Spanifli fentence in his life, 'M bS3 life, but learnt the little he knows of it, in his clofet by himfelf, nor ever alked any body's advice about his great undertaking ; a big name he calls his edition by, as if reprinting and commenting Don Quixote, were a perforation of Mount Caucafus through and through : Jack, I fay for the third time, has not even an idea about the gpanilh pronunciation, nor about the ac- centuation, that regulates the reading of Spanifli : therefore, throughout the edition ^nd the comment, has placed the accents ^s the teatotum of his grandfo^l direfled ; for he knew (by looking night and day into Sp^nlfh books) that, mean what they will, accents are wanting on many Spanifli words : and;, in confequence of this acute pbfervation, he placed a good many here and there, as the teatotum directed, throughout the book ; and the teatotum, I mufl: lay it, to his immortal honour, has fometimes whirled the right way, and turned up the propitious fide : but, upon fhe whole, has proved lb untoward, that, \i\ every one of the pages, not one except- ed^ 254} ed, throughout his fix quarto Volumes^ and pretty often in every line of every p^ige, the accents are all placed in the v^rong places, or they are omitted, which is as good an equivalent : and I, who forefaw that this would be the cafe, when I gave a tranlitory glance to one of his revifes, the day we dined together at the tavern in Hoi- born, and pitied the blunder he was going to commit, which I was fure would anni- hilate his edition, made free to offer him miy fervice in the correftion of his fheets; and would, for the mere fake of literature, have looked them over with pleafure : but, forfooth ! the proud Tolondron, who did not even fufpeft he had need of fuch a pair of crutches, rejected the offer, as he never trujled his correSllon to any hody^ but hmjelf. Well : he has trufted it to his great felf, to his knowing felf ! But, what was the confcquence ? He laid out feveral hundred pounds in the purchafe of water-bubbles, which are no very merchantable commodi- ty; made his ignorance known to many, to. whom it was a fecret; quarrelled with his friends. bss friends, becaufe they would no longer be- lieve him a great Hifpanift ; and worked himfelf into a brown humour,that is likely to lafl: to his dying day, if wine and gin copioufly drank do not help to remove it. Is this tolondronery, or cauliflower ? Give me leave, I beg, to call it tolondronery (louble-diftilled, and no cauliflower at all. The word Parecera, which is the veryfrji of the Prulogo damned by Captain Crook- fhanks, happens to be no word at all, be- paufe it wants an accent on the laft ^, to inform the reader at once, that it is the third perfon Angular of the indicative fu- ture of the verb Parecer^ which means to appear^ to feem. Try this fimple experi- ment, if you want to verify this averration of mine. Write his word upon a bit of paper, and prefent it to a Spaniard. The Spa- niard will \'tz(!iParecera, as if it rhymed with mollera, madera, calavera, and other words that end in era ; and fay, that he fuppofes it the name of fomething unknown to him. Take your bit of paper back, place the due accent, and make it Parccera-, and the Spa- niard ^56] niard will prefently fay, that It is the fal4 future. Without an Idea about the necef^ fity and ufe of the Spauifh accents, were Mr. Jack to read a page of Spaniih, what a delightful gabble he would make of it I A Spaniard would no more underftand him, than if he were reading the book of necro- mancy, written in Runifh charaders by Satan himfelf, and prelented to Pierro d'Abano, the famous Salernitan Conjuror ; as Mr. Jack would pronounce the vowek in the Englllh way, greatly different from, the Spaniih way, and utter his fyllables^a an even and monotonous manner : yet;, fo, thick Is the film on his mind's eye, that he never could to this day perceive this co^ loflal error throughout his edition and comment ; and how difficult, if not impof- fible, it is, for any body, Spaniih or En- glifli, Greek or Pomeranian, Chriftian or Jew,' to read his book fluently ; of courfe, to re'ad it with fitisfadlion ; no body hav- ing in his brains that imaginary fyftem of reading, which Jack, fomehow or other, muft have fabricated in his own. But, [257 But, hear him, hear him ! He alks mc, whether, or not, I can read his book my- felf ? And I anfwer, that I can read it, and can underftand it too. Yet, what does that fignify ? I can read and underftand it, becaufe I have read Don Quixote feveral times before and after he fchemed and exe- cuted his edition, and becaufe I can read and underftand any Spanifti book, full as well as I do any Italian book. This, how- ever, I will have him know, that, if I read Don Quixote in any edition but his, I read on, and never ftop a moment : but, if I read it in his, I muft ftop here and there, on account of the bad orthography (and accenting is a part of orthography), and read this and that paflage twice, that I may make out the meaning : and, if his edition ftops a veteran reader, who (haved his chin thefe fifty years, confider how a poor reader muft be ftopt, that has as yet no whilkers peeping out under any part of his . nofe ! Yet, the Tolondron ftands up ftoutly for his edition, as the ne j^lus ultra of per- S feftion. >-^. > rl 258] feclion, and wonders at folks being fo frac- tious, as not to buy it in a hurry : nor can be bring himfelf to conceive, that this happens, becaufe the very firft glance in- forms them, that it is the ne plus tdtra of imperfeclion : nay» it is an even wager, that he will perfift in his notion, even when he (hall have read thefe fpeeches, as his tolondronery keeps conftantly a-breaft of his opinion of himfelf; an opinion fp very high, that, if you touch him this ftring, even with the lighteft finger you have in your hand ; far from liftening ta the found it emits, he grows gruff that in- ftant, and pouts, and frowns, and fquints, and makes fuch wry faces, as you would think him poflfefled by half a dozen legi- ons of Aftaroths and Afmodees ; and ftarts up, and ftamps, and blufters, and bullies^ and calls you by every name that begins with an jR, or an S : and how can I help calling him Toloncjron, knowing all this fo well as I do? Long before the fad accident of the mar'- gmai notes, and at a time that I was fo to^ tally [^59 tally unacquainted with him, as not even to know, his name, I find, by his foolifh letter to the Divinity-Doftor, that he bore me a grudge, and wanted to give a bad impretfion of me to \ii%fenjible Friend, and to Dodlor Percy, and bufied himfelf about my travels in Spain, and other of my per- formances : and God knows what v^Tfe and learned remarks he has made on my writ- ings to thofe two gentlemen, and to others ! This kind of clandeftine hofti- llty on his part, I cannot as yet exadly afcertain when it began, and to what a length he has carried it : but this I know, that it was not very pretty in him to be- gin it, and carry it on in the dark, as he did. If he had any objedions, to my tra- vels efpecially, I think that he would have done better to apply direftly to me in perfon, or by letter ; or even in print ; as I might poflibly have been able, more than any other, to fatisfy him fully on any point that might appear wrong to him, or to any of his acquaintance. But, to behave like a gentleman is not his way as yet, and that S 2 may ^1 zSo] may come in time, poco a poeo, as he goes on, getting fillips under his chin, and raps on his knuckles. Notwithftanding, however, what. he has done, and may have otherwife done, to my prejudice and dif- paragement, at the time I knew not even his name ; all was nothing to what he has done fince that fad accident of the notes : and the reader by this time may poffibly have formed fome conjefture about the fhare I have had of his /?'s and his S's, and of his curfes to boot : But, let him curfe, and call names ; who cares ? Not J indeed ! He may mifname me till Decem- ber next, and curfe me feven years run- ning ; but he Ihall not keep me now from telling him in his black muftachos, that he would burn his Edition, if he was not the Tolondron he is ; for, the devil a three-guineas will he ever finger from any body, that knows any thing of the matter. The accumulate ribaldry that, he has regaled me with, in words and in print, has provoked me to tell him fo, without any circumlocution ; and I do telt hin;i [261 him fo ; which is what I would never have done, nor dreamt of doing, had he gone his ways, fpoken of me as gentle- men fpeak of gentlemen, not publifhed his foolifh Letter to his Dodor, and for- bore to write his wicked fcraps to Mr. Urban. Oh, oh ! but he will blufter and fwear a hundred, a thoufand, a million of times more, than ever he did, when he Ihall have read thefe fpeeches ! Ay! will he do fo ? Dos hlgas for it, and To- londron to boot ! Were his edition cor- rectly printed in other refpects, which is far from being the cafe, the paper of it, which is very white, and of a good confiftency ; the types of it, which have tolerable good eyes ; and the margins, which are very fpa- cious, would have induced me to buy it ; thofe fpacious margins efpecially, as I have long had the cuftom to make notes in the *' margins of all my books : but, to lead me into fuch a temptation,' he ought to have left the accents quite out of his text, as, while reading, 1 might have placed them niyfelf with my pen : and you know, S 2 that / J^l I I ••^ i 262] that fcveral thoufand accents are eafily placed, as one goes on in the perufal, if one knows the pronunciation : that, on the other hand, take feveral thoufands off with the tip of your penknife, and your work will be endlefs, befides that you fpoil the pages by fcratching. A new paroxifm of rage feizes Tolondron on hearing me fay fo, and he foams as if he were in an cpilepfy : but foam away, Tolondron ; foam to thy heart's fatisfaction ; and ano- ther biga for it, and "tolondron again ! Thou haft dragged me out of that quiet obfcurity, in which I had promifed myfelf to live the fhort remainder of my days ; and muft take the confequence, if I am now as mad as Don Quixote, and refume the author, and fuffer not thy ribaldry to circulate about in magazines and in letters to Doctors, without ftanding up in my own vindication, were thou to go to Bed- lam within the week, and I follow thee fifty years hence. Let me alone, my good friends, and never fear, but I will manage this jade as well as Mr. Angelo does his [263 his moft mettlefome horfes. What is fo eafy, as to ride ou the back of fuch ToLon- dron's as this ? and before my riding be over, depend upon it, my friends, I will make him aware, that, old as I am, I have ftiU ' fo much fpirit left, as to expofe ignorance, ridicule nonfenfe, reprefs inlblence, obtund malignity, and chaftife brutality, without any affiftance from his R's and S's, and without writing one word, but what may be read without a blulh by any modeft lady about St. James's Square, Berkeley Square, or any other Square. In the fciences of Ruf- fianology and Goddamnology, I knock un- der, and humbly acknowledge, that lam un- worthy to be even fecond uftier in the Bow- lean Gymnafium: but men have different inclinations, purfue different ftudles : and I am confident, that, in Funnology and in Laughathimology, I can checkmate him at any time, and much fafter than Omiah did me, when I had the imprudence to at- tack him at chefs : and I infift upon it, that Funnology and Laughathimology ^re fciences of more ufe and profit to man- S 4 ^'^"*^' t/ 4 -64] kind, than RufHanology and Goddamno- The Tolondron's perfed unacquaintaoce with Spanilh pronunciation ; of courfe, his perfeft incapacity of pointing it out to his readers by accents duly placed, is, no doubt, the moil glaring, but not the only capital fault in his text. Inftead of fol- lowing in it the orthography of Cervantes, with the only fubftitution of the %ed to the exploded zedllla^ which, at all events, would have fcreened him from blame ; he took into his muddy fancy to regale us with an orthography of his own, to which I can give no other name, but that of teatotum^ orthography ; or, if you like it better, y^ir- iuitous orthography. For his many fins, the poor fellow ftumbled upon four editions of a fmall ^book, entitled Ortografia Caf- tellana-, that is, the Orthography of the Spanifh "dengue ; all the four printed, at different periods of time, in Madrid, by the Spanifh Academicians, who, at the head of their great didionary (printed about lixty years ago) had already given us a treatife on that part- 265] part of grammar, which is now in a great meafure reprobated by the Academici- ans of this day (and with good reafon), by means of thofe four new treatifes. The reprobation, however, of that firft academical compofition, proves as yet of no great ufe to us ; for the reafon, that each of thofe four fubfequent ones contains rules and precepts about orthography, that in ma- ny points run counter each other: I mean, that fome of the rules and precepts laid down in the firfl of the four are repealed and declared null, by other rules and pre- cepts laid afterwards down in the fecond : fome laid down in the fecond, repealed and annulled in the third ; and fome in the third, treated in the fame manner by other rules and precepts laid down in the fourth and laft. If thofe repeals and an- nullations, thus fubfequent to each other, mean any thing, they mean, that the members of the Royal Academy, being poflibly too many in number to perfuade ^ach other, or having fome whimfical, and |iot very intelligent great man amongll: them. ' \ .i t* 1 l«r [I I I / / h ' ■' 266] them, whom they care not to oppofe (which IS the moft probable conjefture), have not yet been able unanimoufly to agree about unchangeable rules and unalterable precepts, and have been Ihifting from rule to precept, and from precept to rule, jfnerely, as it were, to keep themfelves a- going. This will appear ftrange to Englifh critics, who have not turned their atten- tion to the language of Spain : but thofe that have, know, that the. point is very knotty, and very hard to be fettled, as it is involved in many peculiar difficulties, not incident to other tongues. The doing away all thofe difficulties in a complete and fatisfadory manner, has perplexed the learned of that nation fo long, and to fuch a degree, iince they began to think about it, that the famous Jefuit, Padre I/la, (in my opinion, the beft, by many cubits, of their modern writers) ridiculed very hu- mouroufly, in one of his works, all attempts towards afcertaining their orthography ; and feemed of opinion, that the beft that could be done with regard to the manner I of [267 of writing their language, was to leave every writer to ihift for himfelf, as it had been done during fome centuries, without any great prejudice to their literature on that particular account. But this opinion, which he urged in a ludicrous, rather than in a ferious manner, does not fuit the tafte of the generality, that wiih for rules and precepts as little objeaionable as poffible, that they may, like other nations, have a fixed orthography of their own. To ftrike out a reafonable and folld one, has riow been rendered poffibly more difficult than ever it was, not only by the contradidory rules and precepts prefcrlbed, as I faid, at five different periods of time, by the five Treatifes of the Academicians, but alfo by other Treatifes of other men of letters, be- fore and after the inftitution of their aca- demy. Among thofe who have confpi- cuoufly diftinguifhed themfelves in this line, that I may not (how off too much o( my learning this way, I will only mention a Senor Don Gregorio Mayans y Sifcar, of whom, by the bye, we have a very mea- gre / it . I ■nmttTi-iB)-«r>«a[» i «i> « i i ii .'<(■ I / / 268] gre Life of Cervantes, written on purpoft, if I remember well, for Tonfon's edition of Don Quixote, wherein is incorporated a prolix criticifm on all Cervantes' works; the poo reft criticifm that ever I read in my days. Th^thmtDonGregorio was, no doubt, a man of extenfive reading, and far from wanting cart-loads of erudition : but, with- al, fo wrong-headed was he, fo entirely deprived of tafte, and fo very oftentatious mal-a-propos, that Spain, which has hi- therto had her full proportion of often- tatious pedants, can fcarcely ftiow another of the fame bulk. Don Gregorio too, who has been, as I fufpeft, typified in the Chxo de Vlllaornate, a lame, ignorant, whim- lical, and moft pedantic fchoolmafter, by the witty Padre IJla : Don Gregorio, I fay, would likewife have a fyftem of ortho- graphy of his own manufafture, whereof we have a curfed fpecimen in the abovq Life of Cervantes. But that fyftem was thought at once fo bad, fo inefficient, fo very abfurd and ridiculous, that it has procure^ [269 procured him but few, if any, profelytes in Spain, and out of Spain. s About all thofe oppugnating fyftems of orthography, our poor Tolondron has been plodding and plodding during many years, both before, and while he brooded over \i\s great undertaking : and, having tumbled them all pell-mell in his poor noddle, made fuch a hodge-podge out of them all, that one at laft was produced, which is neither here, nor there, nor any where, as a lady of my acquaintance would phrafe it. Tolon- dron writes fometimes his words as Cer- vantes did ; fometimes follows the Acade- micians, no matter after which of their five Treatlfes ; fometimes Nebrixa ; fometimes Covarruvias; fometimes Don Gregorio; that, little or much, all differ in fundry points ; and fometimes follows no body at all : and does all this quite unknown to himfelf, totally ignorant, as he is, of the pronunciation ; ftill whirling the teato- tum, and whirling it again, juft as he did in the affair of the accents. But, can I, in good conicience, note down here -:r.- 270] 271] 4 here all the inconfiftencies of his tea- totutn or fortuitous orthography, with- out (hooting dead at once, every one of thofe among my readers, who know as little of thefe outlandifli matters, as the Tolondron himfelf ? Far from having any thought of (hooting them dead, you may believe me without putting me to my oath, that I wifh, on the contrary, to multiply their numbers ad infinitum. Whether what I wi(h will take efFed: or not, give me leave to inform you (and here I get up from my de(k, pull off my cap, and make a very low bow to you all) ; I muft inforxn you, I fay, that, having fome years pretty well ftudied this particular point of Spani(h or* thography, and accurately obferved that of the languages, which bear affinity to that of Spain ; and being, moreover, vehemently defirous (every one has his hobby- horfe) that the Spani(h were fixed upon a perma- nent and unexceptionable footing, I took into my own noddle or upon myfelf (that I may fpeak with more refpeft of my refpedable refpedable felf) — to write down my Ideas about it, in an epiftolary differtation in Spa^ nifb, which (fee, Mafters and Miftrefles, how ungovernable my hobby-horfe !) I printed here in London, at my own ex- pence, about three years ago, and made a prefent of near the whole edition (which was not large, as you may imagine) to the well-known Spanifh bookfeller and printer, Senor Antonio Sancha, who happened to be in England at that time ; that he might (how his countrymen, the Academicians, and other good folks in Spain, what were the thoughts and ideas of a foreigner about their orthography and lexicography : two diftrifts of their academical province, which, to me, feem, as yet, but poorly cul- tivated. As a modeft man, and apt to blu(h, whea forced to fpeak of myfelf, L ought not to fay what I am going to fay : but let you pardon me for this once, (here goes another low bow !) and let me brag away, that my Spanijh Differtation has been penned with as much livelinefs of expre(rion as I could •«4 I* 1-^ J i [272 could mufter up, left it (hould prove tedi- ous in the reading ; and furely, the dalfies and flowers (let me brag, I befeech you) are not few, that I have fcattered in it, in order to obviate faftidioufnefs ; which, as you all know, is the chief bane of books, and the ruin of bookfellers. But, though I penned it in as brilk a ftyle, as my ftock of Spanifh language and Spanifh ideas could afford, and objected with as much energy and impavidnefs (quere if this word is Englifh) as I pofTibly could, agalnftfe- veral parts of their great Dictionary, and againft fome of the rules and precepts, laid down by the Ac^ldemicians, as final, in the laft edition of their Ortografia Cajlellana ; yet I treated their Senorias with the greateft refpect, humbly holding my chapeau- bras under my left arm, every time that I directed my words to them; as there is no manner of need, in difcufling literary matters, to urge our differing opi- nions with bludgeons in our hands ; or as you may poflibly term it, with Bowlean malice, and Bowlean brutality: befides, that that, as I take it, the Academicians of Ma* drid are a body greatly upon the encreafe, and likely to rival in a fhort time any fo- ciety of the kind ever inftituted in Eu- rope, cfpecially if it comes to be noticed by the long-nofed critics abroad, and given to underftand, that the productions of their academy, like thofe of their vineyards, fliall be tranfplanted and cultivated in their gar- dens and hot-houfes. Together with my reafons for refufing as yet obedience to fome of the rules and precepts prefcribed by the Academicians in their laft Orthographical Treatife, I have likewife objected, as I faid above, to feve- ral parts of their Dictionary, the compilers whereof adopted a fyftem of lexicography moft obvioufly defeftive, that I may not fay abfurd ; as moft of the learned men, called up by Philip the Fifth to compofe the feveral divifions of it ; inftead of fticking to the fimple bufinefs of defining words, giving their etymologies, and exhibiting, by quotations from their writers, the dif- ferent way, in which each word is to be T ufed ; ufed ; chofe to make a great parade of tKeif refperonounce with ^ forcible hKsMIJfa, Huejfo^ PruJJiaj Rujfiay Fortiffimo^ BraviJJimo, Supi-- ejcy Fmejfe, and fo forth ; and mind not fuch precepts and rules, more fit for an aflemj)ly of Pifaverdes and Petimeirasj than for an Academy of Hombres de pelo en pecho ! But thefe, and other matters, I have already fufficiently difcufled in my Spanifli Differtation ; and I hope the time is not far, that thofe, among the Spanifli Aca- * demicians, who have unaccountably de- clared for doublet's, where they pronounce but one ; or for a fingle s, where they pronounce two, will think better of thefe matters, before they publifli a new Ortho- graphy andanewDidtlonary; and, wonder- ing at their double miftake, as well as at fome other overfights, committed in their anterior works, will correal them, and give their country and the world, a Grammar and a Dictionary better than thofe we have at prefent from them, and from other of their countrymen ; and thgs fave from de- bafemeut and degradation, a language la very ^ [288 very beautiful as theirs, and To pleafing to / my ear, that I like it even better than my own, though I have a very high opinion of my own too ; efpecially, when in the hand- ling of a few old friends, that are ftill alive in 'that Penlnfula yonder, fo ftrangely fhaped, that it looks like a Frenchman's boot. And, as to what our Tolondron may fay about thefe fame matters, with his Ne^ irixaiy Covarruvlas, and Ribadench^as fpread open before him, I will anfwer only this, that I wifh fome fmall-beer brewer may make him a prefent of a rotten old barrel's bung, that he may flop his foolifh mouth, when thefe fame matters are debated within his liearing, as he can no more fpeak to them, th^n an artichoke* But my candle runs low, and I ihall prefently be in the dark : therefore, give me leave to go to bed, that I may be up early to-morrow, to give you one Ipeech more about the Tolondron's BJpan^ V table y defaforado Comenio. That done, I will continue to wi(h a good journey to all that go to York, or any where elfej continue [289 continue to play (hilling- whlft ; continue to mind my book ; and continue to let the world go round, as it has done thefe many years : for, to tell it you fub Jtgillo con- fejfionisy left I be impeached of high trea- fon, I am as fick of the Tolondron and his doings, as any one of you can poffibly be : aad, with this, buenas noches Iq you all, y Chrifto con todos. II ill u TOLON- TOLONDROK. SPEECH THE TENTH AND LAST. ^are con tanta altrui e tua moltjita Tanto parlar d' un Ftfo dir-di ca^k ? Gamba di legno mioy mandalo al diavoloj CJ/e ad ogni modo e^ fara\fempre bejiia, ^ Ebn Petronio Zamberlacco. ^1 HAVING now fairly fettled the ac- count between Jack and Joe, about their refpeftive quotas of Italian and French, about the Spanifh comedies, the Spanifh orthography, the Spanifh Prokga damned by Captain Crookfhanks, and fundry other matters, of infinite import- ance to the inhabitants of the waves, that moiften the littoral parts of the Britifti empire ; I haften to fpeak of the Tolon- dron's Comento on the delightfome Hiftory of Don Quixote, that 1 may put an abfo- lute end to his ridiculous pretenfions of being a Being in the literary world, as It is high time for me to fave the little ink I have left, for my cuftomary employment of [291 of writing Marotic and Macaronic yerfes to ihofe among my good friends, who are as old and idle as my felf, and look out for light amufement, rather than grave lucu- brations. The raifmg of that odd ftru6lure, now going by the tremendous name of Comento^ if we credit the exulting averratlons of our Tolondron, was a work fo confounded arduous to be carried into final and perfeft completion, that, no lefs than two of the beft climaftcrial divifions of his life were fpent m the mere collefting of its multi- tudinous materials from feveral diftant quarters of this terraqueous globe ; befides, I know not how many more, in the put- ting them fo tightly together, that they might not crumble too foon, and fall about our e^s : and, in fact, fuch has been the fturdy perfeverance of his fluggifh mind, and the unabated drudgery of his porter- like body, during all that time, that ComentQ has at laft obtained the wonderous bulk it actually poffefles, which, awaking tis all out of our long and fhamful le^ U 2 thargy 1 1 I* [292 thargy with regard to learned objects, ha^ forced us to get on tiptoe one behind the other, and gaze with aftonifhment on the Tolondronic edifice, certainly the moft un- architectonic and antivitruvian ever hi- therto erected in the boggifh part of the lands, that have belonged thefe many years to my uncle ApoHo, and his chanti- cleering nieces. One of the chief contrivances that the great Tolondron has had recourfe to, in order to make Comento as huge and du- rable a& the Memphitic mafles, was the unbounded ufe he made of half a fcore folio and quarto dictionaries, out of the bowels whereof, he dug a confiderable quantity of 'words, with their explanations at full length, without caring a hob-nail, wlxile employed in the fweat-provoking labour^ whether thofe, who were to read, or to confult the ftrange work, wanted^ or not, thofe words and thofe explanations. If mafter Jack (fay I, lathe great fim- plicity of my heart) intended his Comento for the inhabitants of Spain, ought he not to [293 to have previoufly taken into his wife con- fidcration, whether, or not, the good folks yonder flood in need of having their own words explained to them ? Words, that the moft illiterate among them under- ftand ; or, in the contrary cafe, that they all can go to look for in thofe very dic- tionaries, wherefrom Jack has given them ? On this point, therefore, fubmif- fively craving his ten thoufand pardons, his Tolondronfliip feems to me, to have been tolondronically abfurd beyond all decent limits of tolondronical abfurdity, efpecially if it is true, as I humbly con- ceive to be the real cafe, that the Spani- ards are no fuch ftrangers to the words of their own tongue, as not to know the meaning, that he has idly given them, of hidalgo^ defocupado, cuchillada^ cuerno^ alborozoj corral, apellldo, cajcaheles, trompeta, defpena" deroy jumento, pajar, candil, cainaranchon^ naipes^ ttnofo, and three or four thoufands other fuch, which in their country are every day as much in every body's mouth, as bread and butter are every day in Eng- U 3 land. ■\ i 1 4 rf j land. I fay the fame of thofe moft com- mon phrafes, en un cerrar de vjosy acertar a pajfar^ con las fetenaSy predicar en dejterio^ a carga cerrada, jacar el pie del lodo, defcubrir la hilaza^ no confentir cofquillas^ pedir de Id earo^pacienciay harajar^ and fome thoufands more, all as trite all over Spain, as in this country how do yotiy and very well thank you. Indeed, there is no cobler, that I know ; there is no bricklayer, no chimney-fweep- ef in all NeW-Caftile, or Old-Caftile, but what has at his fingers end the true and genuine fignification of all fuch words and phrafes ; nor do any of them ftand in the leaft need of going for their explana- tions to his Aldrete^ to his Nebrixa, to his Covarruvias ; much lefs to his Comento : and much lefs ftill, to ^iniius Curtius^ Homer, Biblia Fulgata, Scripiores de Morbo Gallico, and to any other book or lexicon, regiftered in the Catalogue of the Authors, that his Tolondronlhip has quoted with the paltry view of making a parade of his learning, no matter whether it came in at the [^95 the fore-door, at the back-door, or at no door at all. The man may anfwer, that he writ his Coment9 for the ufe of the Englifh. For the Engliih with all my heart ! I like the Englifli well enough to wifh them plenti- ful crops of Comenios, provided they be fuch, as may prove ufeful to them! But, if you wrote it for the Englifli, why did you not write it in Englifli, as the Englifli tongue, fdvo errore, is commonly better underftood in England, than the Spanifli tongue ? And what need, befides, had any Engliflimaii that reads Don Quixote in the original, of any explanation of com- mon Spanifli words, and Spanifli common phrafes ? How could you be fuch a tho- rough dolt, as not to conceive, that there is no reading an outlandifli book, without having previoufly mattered fo much of the language, in which it is written, as not to want every individual fignification of every common word, and every common phrafe in it ? Be that as it will, replies the undaunted U4 Tolon- ' ¥ '^ 1 [296 Tolondron : Sure am I, that neither Ba- retti, the atrocious culprit, nor John/on, the wicked apologift, nor Johannes Ihre, the compiler of the Suio-Gothicum Lexicon^ nor Valerius Maximus, the lieutenant In the eaftern army, nor Epaminondas^ nor Zoro- ajier, nor any other imaginable body, named, or not named in the Comento, could have fallen on a more fubtle and eafier method than mine, of digging out of Spanifh Dlftionarles, thoufands and thou- fands of words and phrafes, to make it corpulent, as I made It, by tranfplanting them into It, bodies and fouls at once. And do you not fee, that, without fo cun- ning a contrivance, poor Comento would have looked as lank and lean, as a French marquis that had never feen a round of beef, but In the prints of Hogarth ? — To- londron for ever, huzza ! — This is a co- gent, an unanfwerable reafon ; and I love reafons cogent and unanfwerable. Another of the clever and fpeedy means (yet not fo fpeedy neither) employed by Jack to implnguate Comento, has been, that of n^ li [297 of quoting, out of various poems, fongs, and chivalry-books, a great many paf- fages, that bear refemblance to paflages in Don Quixote, and bring them nofe to nofe. Don Quixote, for inftance, enters a wood full of trees : and lo ! Amadls de Gaul has likewife entered a wood, that was full of trees. Don Quixote falls flat from his horfe to the ground. Does he ? Tirante the white, and Olivante the yel- low, both fell, as flat as flounders,, from their horfes to the ground. Don Quixote kneels to a fair lady, that rides alone upon a lilly-white palfrey by the walls of a caf- tle, built on the eaft-lide of a clear and rapid river. Where Is the wonder of that ? Splandiany Rinaldo^ Platir^ Palmerino, F/ortf- marte^ St. George, St. Martky and feveral fcores more of knights, all belonging to the erratic fraternity, have all kneeled to fair ladles, who rode alone upon lilly- white palfreys, by the fides of caflles, that were hullt on the eaftern, weftern, fouth- ern, or northern bank of this, and that, and t'other clear and rapid ftream. There 11 fe is If 298] There is no end In the Cotrunto of fuch parallel paffages, that throw a moft radiant light on Cervantes' obfcure and myfterious hiftory: but, what can one fay to that ferocious quantity of appofite erudition, brought for this fame purpofe of illuftra- tion, by our moft learned Tolondron, in moft pages of Comenio? The Englifh- man that has read Don Quixote, in any one of the tranflations, may remember, that a galley-rogue is mentioned in it, whofe name was Gines de Pafamonte; a very nimble fellow, who ftole afles, exhi- blted puppets, made monkeys fpeak, and wore a patch on one of his eyes, that he might not be known by the officers of the Ho/y Brotherhood. From what fa- mily the clever gentleman was defcended, had always been a fecret impenetrable to the Spanllli Genealogifts, as the prudent Cervantes, for reafons beft known to him- felf, did not think proper to make his book intelligible to his countrymen, by revealing to them that family- fecret. But Tolondro:!!^ to whofe opera-glafs not an atom of [299 of any vifiblc objeft ever could efcape, has fpied, in a fmall crevice of an Ita* lian poem, a tall, comely and fubftantial giant, yol^ped Pajfamonte : and, as the re- femblance between Pajfamonte and Pqffa* fnonte, may, without the leaft . exaggera- tion, be compared to . that of two eggs dropped by the fame hen, Tolondron has fairly conjeftured, that the Giant Pajfa^^ monte was the founder of the iliuftrious Pajfamonte 'family^ and, of courfc, one of our Gines' progenitors ; poffibly the ^/j- vus or "Tritavus of him : nor fhould I be much furprifed, if, in the Appendix to Comento, actually on the anvil. Jack were to affirm, that the Genejts of Mojes was In- dubitably the grcat-grand-mother of the fame GineSy as the refemblance is likewifc amazing between Gines and Genejis, I intend not to attempt here the great undertaking of giving even a fore-ihort- cned idea of Jack^s book-learning, and of fetting down even fo little, as the quarter- part of' the erudition he has coUefted out of his Bibliotheca^ wherewith he has embel- lifhed ii 3oo] lifhcd and fet off his Comento. A turnip- waggon, aftually going from Streatham, or Tooting, to any of the London mar- kets, carries not half fo many fine turnips, as Comento does erudite quotations. That you may not, however, be quite difap- pointed on this article, there go fome few of them, by way of fample : and I am fa- tisiied, that you will find them of as quick a relilh, as any turnips you have ever eaten with your boiled mutton. To do all poflible honour to one of the two illuftrious Margravines, who aflifted incog, at the auguft ceremony of Don Quixote's knighting, Tolondron informs you, that, at the diftance of a league from the town of Antequera^ where that chafte lady was born, there is a moft copious fprlng of water, which, by falling down-^ wards almoft perpendicularly, makes above twenty mills go round and round, to the great comfort and emolument of as many mil- lers and their families, that keep themfelves fromftarving by the grinding of corn : and no body will deny, but this illuftration of the I the text contributes mightily to the ex- quifite delight given the beholders of that kingly ceremony, fortunately graced by the kind intervention of the beautiful Mar- gravine, and her fweet-fmelling friend Dona Tolofa de Remendony Pendanga, The Spanifh appellation of Hidalgo, by fome of your Englifh tranflators, is ren- dered by that of Country ^Squire or Country Gentleman : but as fuch a verfion leaves the text in a moft deplorable ambiguity. Jack tranflates it much better by thefe more learned and more fpecific words : *' Hidalgo *' in Spanifli and Fidalgo in Portuguefe, *' ille folium dicttur, qui Chrijliana virtute *' pollet :" and fo good a chriftian is Jack, as not to know, that there are many HidaU gos in Spain, many Fidalgos in Portugal, and many (I ought to fay few) Country Gentlemen and Country ^Squires in England, qui Chrijliana virtute non omnino pollent ; yet all go promifcuoufly by thofe honorific ap- pellations, not only when awake, but even when they are faft a-fleep. lf# I., \\ .PI r'M Cervantes, hu Cervantes, in the Curate's fcrutlny (a flovenly fcrutlny in my opinion) of Don Quixote's books, has named the Carolea^ which he fays to have been a work of Don Luis de Avila. Jack, who never faw the book, yet wants to make you believe he has, makes this ihort note on the title of that book : " La Carolea : Hieronymus Sem* ^^ ferCj fcrij^t neque pura^ neque poetic a dic^ ** tioney What that Hieronymus had to do there, I know not : but, has not Jack mif- taken one book for another ? That is what I fufpeft, becaufe he flatly contradids his text. However, bits of Latin, whether out of Don Nichclas Antonio s Bibliothecay or out of Valerius Maximus, always give a good look to a Commentator's notes, fay what you will; and if fuch notes explain no- thing, who cares ? That you may be duly apprized, as how Dulcinea was Don ^ixote's miftrefs. Jack tells you, that Don Galaor had a miftrefs too^ called Aldeva ; a wonderful pretty girl, that had the honour of being maid of honour to fiueen Grindalaya. What a deal 4 ^f O3I of learning has Jack, and how he brings it forward to difencumber and difentangle his text, and make it as plain, as if it were in profe I Whereas Arnbrojio, in his fcolding fpeeclt to Marcella^ has, very a-^propos, happened to name the emperor Nero, to whom he juftly compares that pretty milk-maid, Jack informs us all, on the unqueftionable authority of many ancient hiftorians, that " the burning df Rome lajledjix days and fe- wn riights ;" which pieCe of erudition renders moft luminous Ambrofio% fpeech to *the crofs-graiiled damfel, who delighted, like the emperor Nero, in nothing fo much, as to fit in thefhadow of cork-tree?, when the weather was fultry. '- As Don Quixote fays' fomewhere of himfelf, that he could and did write verfes ; Jack clears up the equivocable expref- lioti by telling you, that Amadis and Olivante conapofed many love-fongs iit praife of their refpective fweet-hearts : and, to iiluftrate the text ftill .more, he adds, that Rinaldd^ though a Frenxrh-, 'f man, [304 man, could touch occafionally the Welch- harp in as mafterly a manner, as if he had been born at Carmarthen. Don Quixote ftands up ftoutly for the fuperiority of arms over letters ; and Jack fays, that, apud Dolores controverfum ejl^ an Miles praferatur Dodlori\ but, that the £c- clefiajles^ without any regard for DoSior ^ixotus's opinion, decides this knotty ques- tion by that famous axiom : melior eJlfapU entia quam arma beUica. Was I wrong, when I created him a Salamanca- Gorron out of my own undlfputable authority ? Cervantes mentioned Kir^ Pepin and Charlemainy when he told us, that they were both killed in Pajamonte's puppet- Jhow. Jack, however, denies the truth of that fact, and will have it, that, both Char^ lemain and King Pepin ^ died many years be- fore, not in Spain, and by a fingle cut of Don Quixote's irrefiftible fword in that puppet-fhow ; but in France, and of a na- tural death, in confequence of fome fevers they both caught in their latter days : and to prop his ftrange contradiction, he notes down 1* '4 [305 down with wonderful accuracy the very years, in which the two monarch s died. Cervantes affirms — Reader, have mercy upon me, and be not fo indifcreetly cruel, as to force me to produce more fpecimens of our Tolondron's immenfe erudition ! Suffice, that Tolondron is very erudite, and knows how to adapt his learning nicely to his laudable purpofe of expounding and illuftrating his text, always dark and unmtelligible. Mercy, mercy, gentle rea- der, and do not fufFer me to wafte my powers to fo very filly an end ; but let me go on in my own manner, which ^ if not the moft fatlsfactory to thee, will cer- tainly prove the leaft fatiguing to thy humble fervant ; and thou haft no right to make me drive this wav, or that way, as if I were a hackney coach-man. Such, or thereabout, is the main me- thod purfued by the wife Jack, to impin- guate Comento, and do away all obfcurities in Cervantes' oracular book : and quite unreafonable would I make free to call the Oxford or Cambridge fcholar, that were ^ to i % 11 f 3o6] to complain of his want of exaftnefs in his quotations out of the poem, fong, or chi- valry-book, from which all his erudition was extraded ; as his Tolondronfliip has taken the trouble to fet down, not only the titles of the works, out of which he got it, but, fuch a chapter of fuch a book, fuch a page of fuch a chaper, and fuch a line of fuch a page. How could otherwife any Spaniard, or any Englifhman ; nay, any Egyptian, or any Ethiopian, ever conceive, underftand, comprehend, and be thoroughly perfuaded and convinced, that Don ^ixote did fo and fo, if Tolondron had neglected to tell him that Don Galaor did fo and fo ? How could Dulcinea ever have winnowed her wheat in her back-yard, \i Mellfendra had not fat the whole day long in the bal- cony, looking wiftfuUy towards France ? How could Sancho ever have eaten his bread and cheefe, if GandaUn had never gotten a dinner ? Poor Jack, among the fc veral misfortunes that have befallen him, ha? run his nod- dle againft one of the fundry volumes pub- lifted if liftied by my old acquaintance Father Sar- \ miento (as he tells us in thePrologo damned by the Captain); wherein that learned Fa- ther fays, that ** one needs to have read all *' that Cervantes had read, in order to under- ^'Jiand Don ^ixote :" and, without recol- lecting, that learned Fathers, as well as learned Sens, will, at times, fay ftrange things, for the fole reafon, that they hap- pen fuddenly to come acrofs their fancies, the paffive Tolondron, who fwallows down for true every aflertion he finds in any outlandifh book, prefently fwallowed with- out chewing the learned Father's, prefent- ly procured many of the books that he conjectured Cervantes had read, and pre- fently thick-ftrewed Comento with paf- fages out of them, whenever and where- ever he chanced to fpy any, that bore any likenefs to any paflage in his text, no matter whether fuch likenefs was as that of a night-cap to a man's foot, or of a galligafkin to a woman's head : and, that he might not be wanting to himfelf, he got likewife a confiderable number of si i 1 1 I. ■>. il'l X ^ other 3o8] other fine things out of his other books, no matter whether written in Spanilh or ItaUan, Gr.ek or Latin, Dutch or Suio- Gothick : and thofe fine things he thrufted piece-meal into Comento^ with as much in- duftry and (kill, as the London-Tavern cook would bits of lard into beef-a- la-mode : by which furprifing means we are at laft come to fee quite clear through the fog of Cervantes' moft foggy performance, and to comprehend every tit- tle of it, as well as if we had written it ourlelves wxxh our own Hamburgh-goofe- quills. But, to be ferious, if it is poffible to be ferious when about lb merry a fubjeft : whatever the learned Bencdidine may have faid, or the unlearned Tolondron may have believed, Don Quixote is a book that \vants no Comento, but w^hat may be con- rained in two or three pages, as very few arc the things in it that w^ant explanation and clarification. Travelling through Spain, one meets with it, not only in almoft every gentleman's houfe ; but not ' feldom * [3^9 feldom In inns,' in barbers' fhops, and In peafants' cottages : and boys and girls, ten years old, underftand It as well as grown folks ; nor is ever any body ftopt in the perufal by any difficulty. Robinfon Crufoe in England, Gil Bias in France, and Berioldo in Italy, are not better under- ftood, than Don ^ixote is in Spain : and Cervantes himfelf was fo far from fufpedl- ing his book would ever want a comment, that he courageoufly predicted the popula- rity of It, not only In his own country, but in many countries : nor can a book ever be popular, that wants a comment to make It Intelligible. Far from harbouring any fuch idea, or hinting, that, to under- ftand his Don Quixote, we were to read the chivalry and other filly books he had read himfelf, Cervantes condemned them all to be burnt by means of the Curate : and the few, that he did not doom to the flames, were not faved with a view that they fhould affift readers to underftand Don Quixote, but out of partiality to this and that, on fome other account. Fling you, X 3 Mr. ij " k\ 3io] Mr John Bowie, fling Into the fire your Comento likewife ; as I tell it you again, that there is not one line throughout Don Quixote in want of any of your explanati- ons ; or point out only one, that you have explained better, than any Spa- niih girl could have done. Single words there are here and there in Don Quixote, ' that a Spanlfh girl, and a Spanifli boy too, muft alk mamma the meaning of: but fuch worSs fcarce go beyond half a dozen, . or a whole dozen, if vou will have it fo : and half a dozen, or a whole dozen of words, are no fit fubjeft for a Com-^ ment fo very voluminous as your Tolon- dronlhip's ; befides that, the explanation of words does not belong to Commenta- tors, but to D16lionary-makers: and I will dare to fay, that it would not prove diffi- cult to find in Roblnjon Crtifoe a dozen words not underftood by boys and girls, who ftill will read it through, and think it a very clear and intelligible book, that ftands ni no want of a comment. What then figni- fies all your foollfli erudition, brought into your foolifh Comento, for the fole foolilh pur- pofe pofe of fhowingyoiir foollfli felf off? and what becomes of that immenfe farrago of quotations from your' dictionaries, from your poems, fongs, and chivalry-books, that illuftrate nothing, expound nothing, and clear up nothing at all ? What becomes of your numberlefs paflTages out of yj3ur filly and forgotten "frobas and Coplas, which are no better than blind beggars' compofi- tlons, or old nurfes lullabies to f^U babes, and make them fleep ? How could a thick- bearded man like you lofe his time in treafuring up all that farrago of filly pieces, as if they had all been Greek fragments of the remoteft antiquity, to be added to the Arundelian coUedlon ? You were much in the right, no doubt, in choofing the faftuous motto : Libera per vacuum pofui vejligia princepSy Non aliena . meo prejji pede ; as no body, but a Princeps I'olonJronorumj would have attempted the princely under- taking of treading and wading through the fpacious bog of miry nonfenfe, you have" trod and waded through during fourteen years^ foundering knee-deep at every ftep, X 4 and Si J' / ^ e4 312] and with an admirable mulifli fortitude, that you might blels us at laft with as doltilh and defpicable a work, as ever was feen, fince Noah's coming out of the Ark on the Armenian mountain ! Come now, ye Morahfts and Divines, to ftun us dead, by vociferating in our ears, that time is fleeting, and muft be well employed! John Bowie tells you, that, befides Gines^ there wa^ another Pajfamonte in this world : that Don Galaor had for a fweet-heart one oi^een Grindalayas maids of honour; and thinks he has employed his time very well, when he enabled hi'iiielf, by conllant ftu- dy durinir fourteen years^ to give you fuch important pieces of information. But let me, gentle reader, or ungentle, if thou art ungentle, produce to thee only one fpecimen more of our Commentator's great ability in expoundmg the various and obfcure fenies of his text, which (or 1 am fadly miftaken) will prove to thee the moft edifying and inftrudive thing thou haft ever read : and I will Have thee know, that I have fuch a regard for thee, as I Ihould \ Ihould be quite vexed to fend thee home, without fome little inftruaion or edifica- tion of fome kind or other. In my Spanifh Difertation already menti- oned, I have happened to obferve, that the Academicians, who compiled the great Spanifti Diaionary, had been fo remifs in coUeding wor.ds, as to omit even fome, that are to be found in their moft common books : and, to back my obfervation, I quoted about fve and thirty out of Don Quixote alone. Mafter Jack, who takes every body to be as ignorant as himfelf, in his remarks on my obfervation, did not mifs the opportunity of palming himfelf upon thofe among his Englifti readers, who know nothing of Spanifli, for a mighty Hifpanift, by explaining to me, thoft few among the thirty-five^ that he could make out : but how did he contrive to fave his credit with regard to thofe, that he could not make o;-t ? Some of thefe^ faid he, are not in general ufe ; and fome do not belong to the Spanifh language, though fpoken by San-- fho and his wife : ErgOy not one of the two clajfes / i> [3H clajfes has a right to a place in the Acade^ micians* ,Didtionary. Such is the drift of the Tolondron's argument, and no Tolon- dron in the univerfe could ever argue more tolondronically, as, according to this fine doctrine,, we muft not have in Spa- nifli dictionaries all the words we read in Don Quixote : and, if we are not to have them in thofe dictionaries, you may de- pend on it, that we are not to look for them in the Comento neither. But, what I was going to fay, is, that, among die thirty-five words, of which the Tcbl'wn condefcended to give me the ineanlrfg, there is the word Bogiganga. This word, fays Jack, mtzns a particular lind of Farce. A f -rticular kind of Farce ? Thank you. Jack ; thank you dearly : and let me now, with this pretty explanation in my head, tranflate the paffage in Don Quixote, wherein there is the word Bogiganga. The paflage runs thus : **Eftando en effas platicas, quifo la fuerte <* que Uegafle uno veftido de Bogiganga.'' That I [3^5 That is : " While thue talking, chanca ** would have it, that there came a fellow *' dreffed /;/ a particular kind of farce. ^^ Hey day ! What is a man drejfed in a kind of farce? Farces are ftage-exhibitions, out of which no taylor could eyer make a pair of breeches ; much lefs a whole fuit 1 Jack, Jack, this explanation of yours is greatly too abfurd to be right ! You had better to give me another. What fay you ? Ay, quoth Jack, in a note at bottom of the page : this can only be explained to the reader of the original'^ for which^ see the Comento. But pray, good Jack ! Why can the word Bogiganga only be explained to the reader ot tlie original ? I have long thought the Englifh tongue copious enough, to enable any Englifliman to explain any word, ever fo odd and abftrufe, of any putlandiih language, were it even that of Pipiripao, if not with a direft equivalent Engliih word, by means at leaft of a cir- cumlocution ! Matter fi Mafter Jack (hakes his wife head to and fro, perfifts in his opinion, that his native language is inadequate to the enormous talk of explaining fo very difficult a word, as that of Bogiganga : and, if you are ob- ftinately refolved upon founding this Eleufine Myftery, this Free-Mafon-Secret, to the very bottom, you muft open your filk purfe, take three good guineas out of it, buy his edition, carry it home, fit your- felf down, and fearch into it for the wilhed- for explanation. No other option is left you. And is this not a good contrivance, to help the fale of an unfaleable book ? Thanks to thee, good Crooklhanks, for thy valuable prefent, that has faved mc from the neceffity of helping on Jack's lucrative fchemes ! Here then is Comento^ fpick and fpan ! What does Comento fay about the magical word Bogiganga ? Comento explains it to the reader of the original in the following words, which I copy^ here with the greateft exadnefs, italics^ etceteras, number s^ and bad orthogra- fhy, }uft as they are in the fecond part of Comento f \\ Comento, page 3I, line 9 ; and, on fending this Iheet to the Printer, 1 will not forget to write a few words to his Compofitor, to beg of him to be particularly careful In this place, that Mr. Commentator may not complain of my not having copied his Spanlfli faithfully. Here goes Jack's ex- planation. " Ay ocho maneras de coropanias y *' reprefentantes, y todas dlferentes. Entre ♦* efas Boxiganga, Farandula, &c. En la *' boxlganga van dos mugeres y un mucha- " cho, feys 6 fiete compaheros, y auii " fuelen ganar mm buenos difgujios : ^ 79. «♦ 29. porque nuncafalta un hombre necio, un " bravo, un mal fufrido, &c. &c. Rojas. ♦« 51. 2. 6." Now, good Jack ; you that, In one of your four letters to Mr. Urban, calltd your- lelf a tranjlator from the Spanifh, give us in EnglKh the true and exaft meaning of this precious bit of your Comento. Nothing fo eafy, upon my honour, fays Jack, with a pretty fmlle : and here you have ■* !l< S ti €i €6 €< a [318 . have it, every bit as clear and as pcrfpicu- ous, as in the original. ** There are eight kinds of companies and adlors, and all different. Among them Boxiganga, Farandula, &c. In the boxiganga there go two women and a boy, fix or feven companions, and alfo liable to get very good dtfgujls : 79. 29. ** becaufe never is there wanting a foolijh " many a bully, an impatient man, &c. &c. " Rojas. 51. 2. 6,'* Idle reader, that haft the patience to go through this page, thou wilt certainly fay, that, by this tranflation of Mr. Bowie's Spanifh note, I am playing booty to the poor cur, and humbugging thee at a great rate : but, I affure thee, that I fcorn to be mean, and would not do fuch a thing for all the money thou mayft have at thy' banker's. What need, befides, if I wxre even a duplicate of Mr. John Bowie, to have recourfe to unfair -tricks, when one has to deal with fo foolifli a fencer, as comes on unbuttoned, and expofes his broad bofom fo awkwardly to all paffes, 4 that 13^9 that one may hit him, as if he were a man of ftraw ? My tranflation, I repeat it, is quite faithful : and if it conveys to thee nothing, but ftark nonfenfe, fo does the original to me : nor is it my fault, if both convey nothing, but ftark nonfenfe, both to thee and me, and help us no more to the explanation of the word Bogiganga, than a chapter of the Alcoran, or of the Zenda Vefta: nor be thou fo curious, as to aik me even fo little, as a guefs at the mean- ing of the note. I am no more a conjuror than my next neighbour, and can tranflate Spanifti words faft enough; but cannot guefs at the meaning of Jack's nonfenfe, which is always of fo fuperlative a kind, as no body can make head, nor tail of, were he even to diftil his brains through a limbeck. What I can do, is, to make thee take notice, that this is the mighty linguift, who is ready to fwear to my total ignorance of Spanijh^ and offers to teach it me, magnanimoufly beginning to give me the real fignificatiou of my thirty-Jive words, among which that of Bogiganga. What f hi 3to\ What a pity | am fo old, as to be unfit to go to his fchool ! Go to It thyfelf, reader, and be documented by the moft ikilful documentor in the three khigdoms, that thou mayft learn to make Comentos. But ftlll. Mi, Pickpocket, or Mr* Culprit, or what you are : if you know what Bogiganga means, do, tell itusyour- felf intelligibly, and with as little circum- locution, as you can. What? Tell it intelligibly ? Ay! and, vyho aiks this queftion of me ? Is it a gen- tleman, or a lady ? - A lady, to be fur.e ! and a young one too : and a very pretty one, in her mam- ma's opinion, as well as in her own. Well then, lady pretty. Stick your needle in that chip-hat you aip covering with gauze, and liften patiently; becaufe, to tell in Englifli the meaning of a Spanifli word, that has puzzled our great Com- mentator, is not to be done in a trice, I warrant you. Bogiganga then means — Let me fee. It aicans' ■ What ? r [ 321 What ? Out with it at once, dear Mr. Culprit. It means Punchinello. Punchinello I You are laughing : that cannot be ! But I fay it is fo. Bogiganga means nei- ther more nor lefs, than Punchinello. With this meaning in your head, tranflate now • ^ourfelf the paffage in Don Quixote, and you will fee how well it fits. " Llego, uno de la compania veftido de *' Bogiganga." " There came one of the company in a *'• Punchinello drefs." This tranflation, you fee, is as clear as your complexion, lady pretty. Clearer at leaft, than Mr. Bowie's two explanations ! And what was the man fay- ing, that it could not be tranflated, but to ' a reader of the original f Thank you, good Mr. Culprit, for your better opinion of our Englifh language. But, here is Coufin Maitland, a ftudious boy of Captain Crookfhanks's acquaintance, juft come .from Tunbridge-fchool, who wants to. know what he calls the tcmology of that' ^ Spanifh il .!{■ n f. — Spanifh word. Don't you call it fo, cou- fin? ' Young Maitland, I know what you mean : but do you want to be as karaed as myfelf, you faucy rogue ? And more if I could, ; Well faidy my lad J, I, will then tell you ^hat J^giganga meana, from the Ba to the |fi». Hufh ! Bogiganga, which I would rather write Bo:aganga^ though in oppofition to the Spanifti Academicians^ edition of Don Quixote, might as well be written Foxi^ ganga, as the Spaniards make almoft na difference between a B, and a F, and ufe J them promifcuoufly in their fpeech ^ and Voxiga?iga is a coalition, or coalefcence, of the Spaniih feminine fubftaative Fovi [irt Latin Fox^ in Englifli Foke\ and the Spa-*, nifli feminine adjective gangofa^ oddly, fliortened toganga: and Fozgangofa means^ J Jqueahing and nafalvoice^ like that oiPunchi^* neJloj who, as you well know, fpeaks with a fqueaking voice, that feems to come out ^ his nofe, bccaufe the fellow, who, in ar puppet- [223 puppet-fhow, manages the puppet called Punchinello^ or Punch, (as Englifh folks ab-» breviate it) fpeaks with a tin-whiftle in his mouth, which makes him emit that comical kind of voice. To make you as learned as myfelf, I muft tell you, Maitland, that Punchinello in Italy, and Boxiganga in Spain, befides their appearing as puppets in puppet- fhows, as they do in England, are alfo Dramatis Perfonam fome farcical extempore comedies, moftly exhibited by ftroUing players. Of courfe, the parts of Boxiganga and Punchinello are afted by men like you and me, and not by dolls in breeches, as Punch is in England : and I affure you> that, when the fellow, that afts the part of Punchinello or Boxiganga in either coun« try, happens to have wit and humour, as is often the cafe ; not only the vulgar, but the very beil fort of people, cannot help being thrown into immoderate fits of laughter in fpight of their teeth. Don Quixote owns, that, when. young, he liked greatly the Caratula and the Farandula ; ' Y 3 that t \ t that Is thofe l(m) farces and comedies : and I own too, that, when young, I liked them as well as he ; nor am I fure, that I fhould diflike them now, that am old, were I to fee them agaui. And, fince I am about it, havHig given you the etymology of Boxiganga, I may as well give you that of Punchinello, as it is not to be found in Johnfon's Dictionary, nor in any dicti- onary that ever I looked into ; nor in the Pot-pourri of Monjieur de Voltaire , where he talks much of Polichinelle^ znd, befideshis Life and Adventures, gives his genealogy With as much correctnefs, as if the humpback little fellow were a defcendant of the fa- mous Marjhdl Duke of Luxembourg, who was likewife as humpback, as our friend Punchinello. Know then, that the Englifli word Punchinello is in Italian P«/a;;^//^, which means a hen-chicken. I need not tell you, Maitland, that chickens voices are fqueaking and nafal: and for this reafon, as well as becaufe chickens are iiwld and powerlefs, my vvhimfical coun- • -trymen have given the name of Pulcinel/a, or otHen-chichen, to that comic character, both on the ftage, and in the puppet-fhow ; the (how being nothing clfe, but an imitation of the ftage, and a kind of abbreviature of It. By this etymology you may fee, that Punchinello and Bogiganga are nearly allied, as they nearly convey the fame idea^ the Idea of a man ihatfpeah with af^ueak^ ing voice, through his nofe : nor are yorf to be told neither, that Punch, In your puppet- ' fhows, being but a timid and weak fellow^ is always thraftied by the other puppet- lactors in the fhow ; yet always boafts of victory after they are gone, as feeble cow- ards are apt to do, bragging, that they have gotten the better of thofe, by whom they were foundly baftinadoed. To all this abftrufe and wonderful eru* dition I muft add, that the Spaniards call Ganga a wild bird of the web-footed kind, becaufe her voice, like thatofgeefe, ducks, ' and other birds of that fort, h fqueaking and nafal; and It i# a moot point, whether from the bird Ganga came the Spanifli adjective Gangojo, gangofa, or the very con- y ^ trary:* -4 *• :i- \h trary ; a point, that 1 am not fcientific enough to decide with Bowlean prompti- tude, and well deferving the deepeft con- lideration of the moft learned fcholars. And, as the pouring out of my un- bounded learning is a-going, I will pour it off to the laft drop, by telling you fur- thermore, that Mogiganga, a word eafily equivocated with Bogiganga^ is the name given in Spain toj fome mafqued ajem-^ bUes, whereto people refort in the oddeft difguifes they can think of, and there fpeak to each other in a fqueaking and najal voice^ that they may not be known ; ex- actly as they do in your mafquerades at the Opera-houfe and the Pantheon, The Aca- demicians' Dictionary gives Mogiganga a part of this my definition ; and Don An-^ tonlo de Solis^ in one of his farces, entitled ElSalta en Banco (the Mountebank) intro^ duces Seis hombres vejlidos de Mogigangas ; that is, Jix men in Mogiganga-^drejfes ; whereby we fee, that, in fome fenfe, there is no great difference between Mogiganga ^nd Bogiganga^ and that the concurrents i to » [327 to that fort of aiafemblles or mafquerades go themfelves by their very names. Our Tolondron, -who has been more than twenty years employed in turning the leaves of the Academicians' Dictionary, •tis probable, that he has formerly lighted upon their deanltion of the word Mogi~ ganga : but, prefervlng only a confufed re- membrance of it, when he gave me hiS nonfenfical explanation of the word Bogt- ganga, confounded the two ideas of farce and mafquerade, and blundered at the rate he did, in his letter to his Doctor. Whe- ther this conjecture of mine is right or wrong. I will refer him to Sbelton'i Englifh tranflation of Don Quixote, who, with great propriety, renders the word Bogfganga, the fool m the play ; which might have put the Commentator in the way of being right, if he had attended to it, while he was about his mui maldttas Jno. taciones a f^mte, as he calls his f,iu mal- dito Comenio. But enough of this kind of learmng, which, in all likelihood, will, by ferrous (3 •4 \ 328] ri readers, be termed moft impertinent learn* ing : and, ihould any lover of etymologies pardon it, and confider it as deferving a fmall corner in Menage or Covarruvlas' s works, I am fure I fhould be as proud of it, as my landlady's maid was on Sunday laft, when ftie put on her new gown of a yard-wide fluff, to go to church in. At all events, our Tolondron, that fancies he could teach me Spanifh, may wSll be aware by this time, that, were I to go to his fchool, I might poffibly prove a very clever lad, and even play the huflier in his abfence, if he were ever willing to truft me w^ith the rod. To his Comento the Tolondroniflimo has tagged no lefs than Jive Indexes^ mightily conducive, like his double definition of Bogi-- gcinga, to the complete underftanding of Don Quixote, which, no doubt, was the laudable aim he had in both his eyes during his fourteen years inceflant drudgery. The two firjl of thofe Indexes^ which might as well have been melted into one, \i fhe man had ev^r known how to do things ^ \ 3^9] things right : the two firji Indexes^ I fay, contain, in due alphabetic order, not only the names of all the men and women mentioned in Don Quixote, from jidam and Eve, down to Sancho and T'erefa ; but alfo the names, that Cervantes happened to name, oi countries^ towns ^ cajiles^ villages^ riversy Jlreets, fquares, churches^ and other component parts of this low world. By thus bringing in a fynoptical view Adam and Eve J Alexander y Ovid^ Pedro de Bujla-- piante^ Den Galaor^ Ariojlo^ Cardenio^ Agra^ '• mante^ Lela Marten^ Leo the Jew^ the little engineering Friar ^ Mahomet, Lucifer^ Julius Cajar^ and other fuch perfonages, plain it is, that the comprehending of Don Quixote is greatly facilitated to the Spa- niards, efpecially, as, among thofe names of men and v^^omen, the Tolondron has ingenioufly intermixed, not only thofe, as I faid, of Sancho and his wife, but alfb thofe of the Curate., of the Barber ^ of Sanfon CarrafcOy of "fome Cecial, of Dulcinea, of Sanchp's elegant daughter Sanchica^ a^d that of Don Shtixote himfelf, which, had they V • * ' they unfortunately been left out of either Index, would certainly have left the poor text as dark, as any dark cellar in Dark- houfe-lane,nearBillingfgate, where Jack often reforts to learn EngUih, and eat oyfters cheap. Don Quixote is likewife further ex- pounded by Jack's having regiftered in thofe two Indexes the names of Afnca^ Spain, England, the IJland Baraiariay the Jfland Melindrania, the Kingdom of Sobr(idifa, J^apks, Valencia, Barcellona, Carthage, Car-' ^ thagena, and other places, which, no doubt, render very intelligible the puzzling geo- graphy of Cervantes. Nor has the To- londron forgotten, among fo many names, thofe of Bucephalus, Babieca, Frontino, Ba- jardo, and Brilladoro ; that were formerly mounted by Alexander, Ruy Diaz furnamed the Cid, Sacripante, Rinaldo, and Orlando ; every thing with a view to fweep away difficulties, clear up obfcurities, and make fvery rough pafl'age as fmooth, and as nice, as an infanta's nuptial bed. His admirable ingenuity went even, fo far, as [33< as to tell you exactly, how many timea Rocinante is named by his name through- out the text : a thing that contributes not a little to make it plainer aud plainer. '%x:^Xr^O temporal mores I Could yon have fufpected it, ye Chriftians of all denominations, that, having done fo much for the fortunate Rocinante, Mr. Index-Maker has totally forgotten San- cho's meritorious Jlfs, as if the glorious quadruped had been a bliSiri, a mere- nonentity, in comparifon to his lean and flow-paced comrade ! Prodigious bufy have I been in fearching under the words Jfno, Burro, Borrico, Pollino, Jumento, Ru- cio. Animal, Beftia, and Befezuela, by all which the brave afs is called m vari- ous parts of the text : but could get no more tidings of him, than of the bray- ing Alcaldes, or of thofe three, on which the fublime Dulcinea and her two amiable damjels rode, when the wicked Necroman- cer transformed them into three garlick-. ftlnking wenches. How the dihgent and accurate Tolondron could, on this great ■ ' contift- i i \Wi\ contingency, be lo unlike himfelf, anci prove guilty of fo ftrange an overfight, can fcarcely be conceived, Confidering the long time he has wafted away in heaping up, with his broad intellectual fpade, every moft minute minutia, that could throw light upon his text, and give a tympany to his Comento. Mercy upon me ! Not fo much as a cumin-feed of brotherly love in fome flinty hearts ! O tempora ! O mores! But what do you imagine, good neigh- bours, that Mr. Bowie's third Index con^ iaim ? Out with your groat a-piece each of you, and you (hall know it as well as myr felf ! That third Index contains (and I do not bamboozle you) neither more nor lefs than the names, told over again, of all the men and women named in Don Quixote ; fuch as Jdam and Eve, Sancho and "terefa, Don ^ixote, San/on Carrafco, Don Galaor, Alexander, Mahomet, Jgramant^ Ovid, Lela Marten, and the reft ; as alfo the names told over again, of countries^ towns, vil- lages, rivers^ caflesy churches, etcetera, with With the only addition of t\Vo regi- ons, by him difcovered, I know not Iti what latitude ; the one called Papr Fida, and the other Paternopr. What part of the text this repetition of names clarifies, and makes intelligible, I cannot as yet guefs : but, if ever I am fo lucky as to find it out, every foul of you (hall know it fpeedily, by means of fome fcholia to- the prefent Speeches, that 1 am actually planning, as I am none of your Rofi- crucians, that keep to themfelves all the beneficial knowledge they can get at, to the great detriment of the literary com- monwealth. Index four, and Index Jive, not only con- tain the palabras principales, or principal words, ufed by Cervantes in his book, fuch as Ahundancia, Marinero, Famofo, Dolor, Ah- fur do, Ingeniofo, Bajiardo, and other fuch ; but alfo a punctual enumeration of the times, that each one of thofe palahras has been repeated throughout the book, e- very repetition afcertained by proper nu- merical references to the chapters, pages, and \ [334 and lines> Avherein they have occurred again and again. To own the truth, I have, as yet, not had fufficient leifure, accurately to read thefe two laft Indexes through : but Senor Sanchaj the Madrid bookieller and printer already mentioned^ who came to England on purpofe to be taught by Mr. Bow^le the Aljamia^ or Moorijh Jargon^ ufed by -Cervantes throughout his Don Quixote, told me, before his return to hig country took place, that Mr. Bowie, by means af thofe two glorious Indexes^ had in* formed him of the number of times, that the word Cavalkro (knight) has been repeated in Cervantes*s book ; which num- ber I have now forgotten whether it amounted to feventeen hundred, or feven- teen hundred thoufand ; but I know it is thereabout: a piece of hiformation, faid he, that, he was quite fure, would prove of infinite advantage to the Royal Acade-* micians, and all other good people iit Spain if ever defirous to underftand Don Quixote, and enter into the very marrow . / ^ to marrow of' all his liumerous^ dark mean->f ings. Mr. Bowie, added Senor Sancha^ has done us all ^uch mighty fervice , by apprifmg us minutely of all Don Quixote's doings, not very well known to us before, that, depend upon it, my grateful coun^ trymen Ihall have a ftatue raifed to his honour hi the very center of Barataria^ to match that already ereded there to Sancho Panza^ to immortalize his ever-me- morable government of that celebrated ifland. This, ye yeoman of England, lairds of Scotland, and volunteers of Ireland ; this is the (ketch, that I have, with' no great labour, etched of Mr. John Bowie's .un^ matchable performance., A more wajpijh reviewer than myfelf, by taking fom'e more p^ins than I have been willing to do^ might have tofled htm much higher in hia critical blanket, than I have done in mine : but as it matters not a ft raw to the wide world, whether his book is good or bad, of ufe, or of no ufe, I did not think it right to lofe mpre time in ' apitomixing it, than I have already loft* Captain 35f>] -r. Captain Crookfhanks was the man, who gave me the firft notice, while I was in Suf- fex, of the Letter to the'Divinity-Doftor, by means whereof our good Jack flattered himfelf to blifter me all over, and cure me of the rheum'atlfm. But that letter I had difregarded, as too fublimely defpicable in every point to be noticed, if, on my coming to town, the beginning of laft month, (and to-day is the 17th of No- vember, 1785), I had not happened to read his four other Letters to Mr. Urban, which, I own, ihocked me, not fo much on mine, as on Do£lor Johnfon's account, whofe moft refpeftable memory is, in thofe rafcally fcraps, fo beaftly vilified, as you have feen, by this vile dealer in fcurrility, fcandal, and abominable lies. To chaftife the brute for having dared fo to do, and teach him to leave off his Ourang-Outang tricks for the future, I have fcribbled in a hurry thefe Speeches, firmly perfuaded, that there is not one honeft man in the three kingdoms, but what will approve of my hunting down fuch [337 fuch a Savage, who excavates and throws open, with claws and fangs, even fepul- chres, that he may fatiate his horrid hun- ger with the bones of the dead. In the Prologo, fo judicioufly damned by Captain Crookfhanks, the Jack has told us in his Spanifli lingo, that, long before any body had feen any part of his performance. Deans, Barons^ Efqulres^ and Dons gave it infinite praife: and to them he might have added the Captain himfelf, who was then likewife one of his warmeft enco- miafts, as well as one of his 'moft liberal fubfcribers. But, if ever the Edition and Comment come to a fecond edition, as the Tolondroniffimo ftill flatters himfelf will be the cafe, let« him iflue forth with the names of the Deans^ Barons, Epjuires^ and Dons, that approved of his great undertaking after they faw it printed, I would give the world, as the phrafe is, to fee Mr. John Bowie produce, out of his pocket-book, a Jingle card of congratulation on this fcore, fubi'cribed Percy, Dillon^ lyrwhitt, Ortega^ pr SaJ^orcada^ who were thofe, as he tells ^ us. 338] tis, that approved of his great mdertahlng, and fpurred him brllUy to carry it on, as they took it for granted, that he told them truth, when he informed them of his own immenfe abilities for that pur- pofe, which then they had certainly no means of forming any idea of. To conclude and make an end of thi$ paltry fubjed, I now pull my night-cap off my white-haired noddle, and, making a moft reverential bow to Mr. John Bowie, alias Querift, alias Anti- Janus, alias Izzard Zed, alias Coglione, alias Jack, alias Tolondron ; and wifliing a merry Chriftmas to you all, there goes to the Devil his edition and my pen, quite worn out to the ftump. fakte omm. F I N I $» I f'> -! 1^ *? f; »* ^^ I *> 'T» J 7 ^P 3>v*« WB: \ \ 0032150679 O vi V__ -3 O JUL 1 15ik.w f^