Dean Swift and Tho. Prior, Efq; 
 
 I N T H E 
 
 Ifles of St. Patrick's Church, Dublin., 
 
 On that memorable Day, Ottober 9th, 1753. 
 V Y/s/Z/v^r '/ re n 
 
 By a Friend to the Peace and Prcfperity of Ire l anp. 
 
 §ftte Gratia Cur ram 
 Armor iflnque fitit vivis, qua Cura nitentes 
 Pafcere Equos, eadem fequitur Tellure repojlos. 
 
 Vtac. Mx, vr. 
 
 DUBLIN: 
 
 Printed for G. and A. Ewing, at the Anjel and Bible 
 in Dame-Street , 1753. 
 
<$k* $<>$&■ 
 
 ERRATA. 
 
 Page 7. Use 19. fir Phrafes read Praifes. 
 
 P. 11. L. 18. fir attack nod. attack’d. 
 
 P. 14. L. 25. for they r. the Ladies. 
 
 P. 17. L. 22. for emnently r. eminently. 
 
 P: 18. L. 2j. _/crHenepius r. Henepin’s. 
 
 P. 26. L. 26. fir their r. the. 
 
 P. 27. L. i~ 3 -for brag r. boaft. 
 
 P. 33. L. 2j.ysr.runing r. running. 
 
 P-. 34. L. 5. for St. Foil r. St. Font. 
 
 P. 36. Ls 28. for lay r. fee. 
 
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 P. 63. i. 11. for Teas r. Tea. 
 
 P. 71. L. ly afier horrid r. and. 
 
 P. 72. L. y fir we r. they. 
 
 P- jyL. tbe lajl, for ’tis employ’d in, r. that accompany it. 
 P. 85. L \a. after Virtue add, or Learning. 
 
 P. 88. L IO. a/ 4 er Wall add, of 
 P. 88. 4 - y-fir that r. than. 
 
 
CO 
 
 A 
 
 D1ALOG U E 
 
 BETWEEN 
 
 Dean Swift and Tho. Prior , Efq; 
 
 In the Illes of St* Patrick's Church, 
 Dublin, 03 . g, 1753. 
 
 Prior. Tl JT R. Dean, I am forry to fee you up, 
 |\/I if any of your private Affairs dif- 
 ™ ■*“ turb you. I came to call at your 
 Grave, and have a little Difcourfe with you; but urn 
 lefs ’tis the Publick has rouz’d you,' I am troubled to 
 find you walking as well as my felf. 
 
 Swift. ’Tis my Country keeps me walking ( why 
 who can lie llill? .1 don’t believe there are many 
 Ghofls now, that have any ftiare of. Underftandihg, 
 or any regard for Ireland, that are to be found in 
 their Graves at Midnight. For my part I can no 
 more keep in my Den than if it were the Day of 
 •Judgment. < I have been earth’d now eight Years laft 
 October, and I think on my Confcience (and you know 
 •Tom the Confcience of one dead Man is worth ten of 
 thofe that are living) I have had very few good Days 
 
 B Sleep 
 
Sleep fmce I got there. Ah Tom ! poor Ireland! poor 
 Ireland! it plagued my Heart while I was trifling away 
 Life there; but my Curie on it, I never thought it 
 would have broke my Reft- thus when I was dead. 
 I have tumbled and tofs’d from one Side to the other 
 (and by the by, they make thefe curfed Coffins fo nar¬ 
 row ’tis a Plague to be in them) firft one. Thing 
 would come into my Head,- arid then another, and 
 often wrought me fo, that I have many a time been 
 forced to walk a whole Moon to reft me and get the 
 better Nap when I lay down. Prithee how have you 
 done ? 
 
 Prior. Why, very'little better; only as I have not 
 been fo long fhut up in my Dormitory as you, the 
 Confinement is lefs irkfome. But I was not affefted 
 the fame way with you, for I fometimes flept for 
 Months together like a Dormoufe * but when Ireland 
 once gets into my Head and its prefent melancholy 
 Circumftances, it works my Thoughts upwards and 
 downwards from the Great Ones to their Slaves, like 
 a poor Patient with Ward's Drop and Pill. 
 
 Swift. That has often been my Cafe Tm. When 
 I get into that Train of thinking, and 'confider the 
 prefent Situation of our Country, it makes me as un- 
 eafy in my Coffin as a Rat fhut up in a Trap. I re- 
 member an old She * Fool, that was fonder of fcrib- 
 ling than reigning, ufed to fay, that the Dead have 
 that melancholy Advantage over the Living of firft 
 forgetting them; but ’tis as falfe as ten thoufand other 
 
Truths, that your Philofophers and Politicians above 
 Ground keep fuch a babling with over our Heads. 
 For my part I never had that Pleafure, for fince my 
 firft Nap under my Graveftone, which did not laft 
 three Weeks, I have been as much perplex’d about 
 Ireland, as if I was 'ftill living at the Deanry, writing 
 for Pofterity, and thinking for my poor Country. 
 What makes you figh fo Tom ? Why you draw your 
 Breath as hard as a broken-winded Racer; fome 
 Qualm I- fuppofe about this negledted Ifland. 
 
 Prior.. That was the Cafe indeed. But tho’ I am 
 
 chiefly grieved at the ill Circumftances of 7 - d, 
 
 my next trouble is, that , the World feems refolved 
 they ftiall never mend; and, I think fo, by their treat¬ 
 ing all true Patriots in the molt unhandfome Manner. 
 This is as mad a Meafure, as imprifoning the Phyfi- 
 cians in an epidemical Sicknefs would be. Yet fhch 
 Men, who only could heal our Diftempers, are treated 
 almoft as common Poifoners, and watch’d as if they 
 were Incendiaries and the Enemies of Society. It was 
 too much our own Cafe when we were among Men, 
 and tho’ I fcorn to lament the indifferent Treatment 
 Dean Swift and Tom Prior received from thofe who 
 flaould have refpeded and honoured them; yet I can¬ 
 not help being concerned for the hard Ufage all true 
 
 Patriots generally meet with in /—- d. Their 
 
 Writings, tho’ ever fo difinterefted are treated as fo 
 . many mercenary Productions of the Prefs; their Zeal 
 and their Motives are ever fufpefted, as falfe and per- 
 fonated, and mofl; Governments look on fuch Authors 
 at beft, as fo many out-lying Deer, and give all the 
 
[ 4 ] 
 
 am fare, as to my Particular, I may juftly fay, I found 
 it fo; for, as I vvelf knew, that writing with aDefign 
 to pleafe or ferve others, ends, generally, either in 
 Neglect or Cenfure •, fo, I would not have engaged in 
 fuch a dangerous Undertaking, if I could have quiet¬ 
 ed my Heart, that was ever tempting me to defpife 
 the Danger for the Hopes of doing good by my 
 Pen. 
 
 Swift. I wifa Tom the Tribe of Authors had ever 
 writ from fuch a Turn of Mind, and then I fancy the 
 World had not been fa much over-run with Books. 
 
 Prior. I can anfwer for my felf that I had only the 
 Service of my Fellow Citizens in view. Let thofe 
 whole miferable Aim is writing well, be alhamed if 
 they are criticiz’d, or ridiculed, but he who fincerely 
 ftrives to ferve Millions, muft have a Scorn for Malice 
 or Satyr, if he thinks he can feed or cloath half a Nation 
 by fcribling. I profefs I writ whatever I publifh’d, 
 barely for the Joy I had in doing fame Service to my 
 Country, and with fo little a view to Reputation, that 
 I would have done it, if there had been no fuch 
 thing as Fame in the World; and furely, there is al- 
 moft as little of that phantaftick Pleafure to be had 
 here as in the Ip of Man , or the Orcades. Nay, 
 Dean, I’ll go further, I would have done it for the gra¬ 
 tifying the pleafmg Inftindt that lead me to it, if there 
 had not been a great Lord and Parent of Good to 
 approve and reward it. Hence it was that I troubled 
 the World with a deal of Tradts on publick Subjects ; 
 and, I thank Heaven, my Heart is as little alham’d 
 of it, now I am dead, as I was proud of it when I 
 was 
 
was living, which is what few Authors can fay when 
 they are coffin’d. I faw writing abfolutely neceffary 
 to the well-being of the moft negledted Nation under 
 Heaven. I heard, I faw, I felt the Difpleafure of 
 fome great Men for' feveral Things I wrote, which 
 croft their Views, or even difagreed with their Opi¬ 
 nions or Defires. I faw few either willing to appear 
 Medlcrs or Bufy-Bodies this Way ; or vilibly to hurt 
 their worldly Interefts, or to feem fond of either RidL 
 cule or Reputation by buttling about it; and, as I 
 was quite indifferent to thofe Fears, I hop’d what I 
 did, and the Motives I went on, might be pardona- 
 ble if not approveable; and whatever was the Event, 
 
 I as fincerely defpifed any Abufe I met with, as I did 
 any Credit, that a few folitary thinking Men might 
 allow me for it. 
 
 Swift. Why, really Tom, as there is no lying in 
 this World, that we are now launch’d into, I mull 
 own there is a great deal of Truth in all you have 
 faid; and tho’ I often writ for the Sake of Applaufe, 
 yet writing with fuch a View is a poor Motive, and 
 the beft and nobleft, and I had almoft faid, the only 
 juftifiable one, is to do Good in an evil World. I 
 don’t fee any Thing very defireable in the greateft 
 Talents, or in the largeft Affluence of Fortune, 
 unlefs they are in fome Meafure employed in the 
 . Publick. Service, and if they be, it truly ' dignifies 
 them ; nay, that Angle View is enough to fandtify 
 the pooreft Scribling, and to make the meaneft fcrap- 
 ing and faving of Avarice, pafs for the Marks of a 
 worthy Spirit. But tho’ Patriots are generally fo ill 
 ufed, by the ungrateful World ; you certainly came 
 B 3 much 
 
[ 6 ] 
 
 much better off than I did, for where you met with 
 one Reviler, I met with one hundred. The Pamph¬ 
 lets wrote againfl: me, wou’dhave form’d a Library, 
 or rather a Dormitory, where they might have flept 
 in undifturb’d Repofe ; inftead of furnifhing Grocers 
 and Paltry Cooks for Years together, to make. fome 
 expiation for beggaring Printers and Bookfellers. I 
 have had Thoufands written againft me, with Virulence 
 and Scandal. 
 
 Prior. And what a wounding Grief mult that be, to 
 your generous Mind, to have fo much Malice returned, 
 where fo much Gratitude was due ; furely it gave you 
 infinite Pain to be fo lalh’d and ftigmatifed, by a Rab¬ 
 ble, of the molt invenom’dand imbitter’d Scriblers 
 upon Earth ? ... 
 
 Swift. Why, dear T sw, I cou’d laugh a Month at 
 you for this. Why, they made nomore Impreflion on 
 my Spirit, with their fcurrilous Pamphlets, than they 
 wou’d have done, on my Statue, had they thrown 
 them at it. I ever confider’d, that Abufe from fuch 
 Scriblers, who write for a Livelihood, can no more 
 be thought an Affront, than a Barber’s taking you by 
 theNofe; ’tis his Trade, and the Wretch would ltarve 
 if you ftopt him. What harm did all their Ribaldry 
 do me ? I neither eat, nor drunk, nor flept the worfe 
 for it. I don’t fuppofe, that the fcape Goat,, which 
 the Jens loaded with Curies, and drove into the 
 Wildernefs, either died by their Maledictions, or grew 
 a whit the leaner for them ; nor was I ever the worfe 
 for all I met with. Why Tom, one had as good be a 
 fenfitive Plant, as to ftart and fly back, at every 
 Touch, 
 
[ 7 ] 
 
 Touch, or every Appearance of being Touch’d, as 
 foine weak Men do. 
 
 Prior. We may Reafon thus, but Nature general 
 lyover matters our Opinions. 
 
 Swift. Yes, when they are of oppofite Sides, but 
 iir^this point they mutt agree. Confider, what a 
 wretched Thing would Merit be, whofe chief fup- 
 port is a juftly deferved good Charader, if it depend¬ 
 ed for its real Fame, on the Wiitings (if we mutt call 
 them Writings) of envious Scriblers, or the Tongues 
 of Slanderers, who wou’d both of them fain get a 
 Scrap of Reputation, by vilifying exalted Names. 
 No, Tom, there is fomething in true Merit, fo inde¬ 
 pendent of Applaufe and Cenfure, and fo fuperior to 
 the going out, or coming into Vogue, that it frequent¬ 
 ly takes the Injuries of fuch Reptiles as a kind of Ho¬ 
 mage ; like the Abufes offered by the common Sol¬ 
 diers, to Conquerors when they Ride in Triumph, 
 and which they valued as little as the fenfelefs,Phrafes 
 and Shouts of the multitude. ’Tis time enough for 
 true Merit and Goodnefs to exped Juftice from Men; 
 when it receives the Euge of the Omnipotent; for 
 then only will Malice be out of Countenance, Envy 
 filent, and then only will Truth (the Language of 
 Eternity) prevail! 
 
 Prior. Well, very well,' Mr. Dean. But I am 
 much miftaken, if you was not heartily Sick of your 
 Patriotifm, when you was fo often branded and aiperft 
 by fuch Crowds of Phampiets and Scriblers. 
 
 Swift. 
 
[8 1 
 
 Swift. Dr. Tom, they never gave me a moment’s 
 Pain, for the Truth is, I was too proud to be affront¬ 
 ed, and had too high a Spirit to be humbled, by fuch 
 Infults, or elfe indeed I had met with Opportunities 
 enough to make me pafs my Time very uneafily. 
 Butin the next place thofe who Writ againft me, were, 
 mere toothlefs Animals, or at leaft a Sort of Irijh Vi¬ 
 pers, that tho’ they lov’d to Bite, yet they wanted the 
 pungent Venom which gives the Torment. Many of 
 their Tracts were the pooreft Productions that ' ever 
 difgraced the Prefs ; without Style, or Wit, or Senfe, 
 or Argument. I remember one of them, where both 
 I, and the Subjeft he writ on, were equally ill-treated, 
 begun like a Hebrew Book at the wrong End, with 
 an Apology for the Author’s inability to handle fuch 
 weighty Points as they deferved; and indeed Tom, that 
 fmgle Confeffion was the only Thing that look’d like 
 Truth or Modefty in the whole Performance. How 
 could I be affronted by fuch miferable Efforts of Ma¬ 
 lice ? and above all, if the natural elevation of my 
 Mind, had not enabled me to look down on them with 
 Difdain, the Dignity and ufefulnefs of my Life, help’d 
 me to fmile on them as impotent and harmlefs. I 
 was fo far from being mortified by their bafe revilings, 
 that I think, I wrote the better for them, and with 
 higher Spirit, as a well mettled Horfe moves the 
 brilker for being lathed. Befides, as I often wrote for 
 the fervice of the World; and the Interefts of Man¬ 
 kind ; I always appeared with every Advantage, that 
 Candour, Honefty, and Courage,'cou’d give me againft 
 Injuftice, Oppreflion, and Tyrany.' I wrote for Truth 
 and Reafon, for Liberty, and the Rights of my 
 Country 
 
c 9 1 
 
 Country and Fellow-Subjefts; and it gave me Joy, 
 to fee the Minions of a Court, and the Slaves of 
 Power, ftare.at the dextrous boldnefs of my Pen, as 
 i fancy a Cuckold does at a Deer, when he fees it caft 
 its Horns. 
 
 Prior. Why dear Dean , I will not oppofe you too 
 obftinately ; but I am fure, you will not deny, that 
 you were fufficiently mortified, with other Things, if 
 you were not with the Sarcafms of your Rival 
 Writers. 
 
 Swift. What other Things pray ? 
 
 Prior. Why your not being perferr’d, nor ad¬ 
 vanc’d in the Church. 
 
 Swift. I renounce it! I deny it! I loft nothing by 
 not being preferred, but an enlarged Power of doing 
 Good ; and the Day is coming (much fooner than the 
 Feeders on the Earth imagine) when I (hall be allowed 
 as fully, for the Good I would have done, as for that 
 which I was able to accomplilh. The Publick indeed 
 loft many, and perhaps confiderable Advantages, and 
 I fome hearty Prayers, by that Difappointment; at the 
 i fame Time, I ever look’d on the Gain of Preferment 
 with the nobleft Scorn : I hardly look’d with more on 
 
 - thofe that difgraced it, your A-s, and your 
 
 B-s, your C-s, and your D——s. The 
 
 truth is, I faw in this fame fcurvy World, fo many bad 
 Men pafs for good ; fo many Fools for wife ; fo many 
 Ignorants for Learned; and fo many Knaves for 
 honeft, and rewarded accordingly, that I was rather 
 provok’d, 
 
provok’d,than mortified. However, I never fretted* 
 but rather diverted my Spleen, with the World’s fine 
 Miftakes ; and I enjoyed in Petto, that juft delight of 
 a truely faoneft Mind, of either pitying, or contemn¬ 
 ing every worthlefs Animal, whofe Advancement 
 made him look down on me, with Infolence or 
 
 Prior. That was a peculiar felicity of Temper. 
 
 Swift. It was fo, and I enjoy’d it fully. If fome- 
 times, I was weak enough to be angry at fuch Events, 
 I took care, that my Ill-humour, fhou’d be as ufeful 
 to the Publick, as my good cou’d have been. I ever 
 delpifed undeferved Grandeur, and mifapplied Power, 
 and therefore few People in high Pofts, or even Kings 
 or Queens, or Minifters, cou’d ever brag much of my 
 Condefcenfion, in fpeaking a good Word for them to 
 Pofterity, or endeavouring to blind the Eyes of the 
 prefent Times, by Printing either Lies or Truths in 
 their Favour. ’Tis true, I almoft as feldom gave 
 them any Proofs of my Spite; partly out of negled, 
 and a delpair of doing any good by it; but chiefly, as 
 I rather chofe quarrelling with my Equals, whom I 
 cou’d fafely treat as ill as they ufed me ; for after all 
 Tom, tho’ a Man bates Lyons and Tygers, there is no 
 great Wit or Wifdom in throwing Stones at them, and 
 provoking the lordly Monfters, to try the ftrength of 
 their Mouths, or their Fangs on you. 
 
 Prior, I entirely agree with you there, Dean, but 
 it is certain, if you was not mortified, you was en¬ 
 raged at the ill Ufage your Patriotifm drew on you 
 from 
 
from the Men in Power. This therefore, muft have. 
 difturbed your mind remarkably, and as I was obferv- ■ 
 ing at firft had never given you any uneafmefs, had 
 you been lefs zealous in your Country’s Service. 
 
 Swift. I fhall chufe to fay little to that'; tho’ pro¬ 
 bably had they ufed me more generoufly, both they' 
 and I had been better pleafed. I know my Foes 1 
 faid, if I had not hated the Miriiftry To much, I had 
 not lov’d Ireland fo well, nor fought her Battles fo 
 ftoutly againft a ftupid World, and a jun&o of 
 Copper-Coiners, Oppreffors and Tax-Gatherers. But 
 indeed, Tom, I fcorn’d to’write from fuch mean-intereft- 
 ed Views and partial Ends; butl wrote becaufe Ilov’d 
 Honour, Truth and Liberty, more than fifty trelands.- 
 Nay, upon my Word, if I had liv’d three Winters in 
 Lapland, and found it as much oppreft; f would have 
 made War with my Pen on the Danes, with' the fame 
 Spirit, and attack them for fo bafely diftreffing the 
 Slaves that cr6ucht to them, and durft not on pain 
 of Ruin howl under their Rods. I thank Heaven, 
 I got the better of the redoubted Sir Robert, in that 
 important Affair ; and if I had liv’d a little longer, 
 and my Organs had not declined too fall, I would 
 , have kept all the great Bafhaws oi Europe m my De- 
 pendance as Aretine did. 
 
 Prior. Why, Dr. Dean, I was complaining of 
 the hard Fate and ill Ufage true Patriots meet with 
 in the World, from its Neglects, if not from its Op- 
 preflions; and you flop my Mouth with Declama¬ 
 tions of their Worth and their Influence, and' make 
 ... ■ them 
 
[ I*] 
 
 them the moft formidable People in it. Don’t you 
 conlider how eafily they are crufht by Power. 
 
 Swift. No ! But I confider how eafily they can 
 crulh Power, I mean abuled Power, when they attack 
 Oppreffion and plead for Liberty, and an inju¬ 
 red People. If I was to be reftored to Life again 
 (which Heaven forbid) and was in the Prime of my 
 Parts and Spirits, I could overturn bad Minilters as 
 eafily with my Pen, as Mahomet in his Alcoran fays, 
 the Archangel Gabriel did Mountains with the Feather 
 of his Wing. An Author whole Writings are bot¬ 
 tom’d on Truth, and influenced by no Motives but 
 the lincere Love of his Country can do Wonders. 
 As he Afts right he fears nothing ; and if he be Op- 
 preft, his Sufferings do but exalt his Character and 
 encreafe his Strength as well as his Courage. I eve r 
 found this true by Experience, I never had more 
 Spirit, more Refolution, than when I was moft emi¬ 
 nently injured ; nor did I ever exert my felf in a more 
 diftinguifhed Manner than when the Interefts of two 
 Kingdoms were both at Work, and labouring by 
 the help of a Villain in Scarlet Robes, to String me 
 up as a Trumpeter of Rebellion. God forgive the 
 Enemies of fincere Patriots, who make ufe of all 
 their Arts and their Power to crulh and opprefs 
 them; but tho’ I pray for them, I muft own Tow, 
 if Beggars, were to be chufers, I had rather they 
 fhould be forgiven after they had been feverely punilh’d 
 for their mildeeds, for otherwife, when Oppreffors 
 gall Men or Nations too long, Providence bears half 
 blame. 
 
 Prior. 
 
Prior. I (hall fubmit to all you advance Bean , pro* 
 vided you quit this Subjeft, (which I unluckily ftarted) 
 and go to another, which I came to talk about, and is 
 of more Importance; I mean our poor Country, and 
 its prefent State and Circumftances; when I died, I 
 thought I had left it in a very improving way, and on 
 the mending hand, by my Writings and my conftant 
 Labours in its Service, and had I liv’d a little longer, 
 I wou’d have wrote fome Tracis, that wou’d have 
 prevented fome Diftreffes, which 1 hear, are likely 
 to fall heavy on her. 
 
 Swift. Dreams! Whims ! and Delufions ! If 
 you had wrote your felf as blind as Milton did, what 
 Service cou’d you do a Nation that, never thinks. 
 You might as well expeft to cure the Deaf by talking 
 to them ; Idiots by reafoning with them ; or to roufe 
 the Dead as the Romans did by bawling and weeping 
 for their miferable Condition. If they had been re¬ 
 trievable by any Writings, I may juftly fay, they had 
 been retrieved by mine. 
 
 - Si Pergama dextra, 
 
 Bcfendi pojfent, etiam bac defenja fuijjent. 
 
 ( But all fuch hopes are vain. Preach to Filhes and talk 
 to Wolves like St. Anthony and St. Francis , and try 
 what Change it will make in them, and be affur’d, 
 juft fo much and no more, would your Arguments 
 and Eloquence do, with our heedlefs Countrymen. I 
 told them of their Danger, and every impending Ruin 
 in Print, Winter after Winter, as regularly as Men 
 wilh People a good Year, every firft of January ; for 
 
( *4 ) 
 
 let me tell you Tom, repetitions of this Sort, are as 
 fteceflary in a Nation, that will not readily mind good 
 Advice, as crying Fire! Fire! in a City in Flames, 
 where all are drunk or afleep, and muft either roufe 
 and beftir themfelves, or Perilh. I cannot help boaft- 
 ing a little on this Subject, I have a Title to it; thefe 
 
 Hands were almoft as ufeful to the People of I - d, 
 
 as Mofis s were to the Jews : When I lifted them up, 
 all went well; when I dropt them, all went wrong. 
 However, 1 muft own, that as to the bulk of the Na¬ 
 tion, tho’ I tried them, and ftudied them, for half a 
 Century, I ever found that they wou’d not be at the 
 pain of thinking, for half an hour, to fecure their 
 eafe and happinefe, for half a Year. But, pray Tom, 
 
 before you fpeakof the Diftrefles that menace /- d, 
 
 let me hear what Grounds you have to fay, She was, 
 in a tolerable improving way, and on the mending 
 hand (as you call’d it) when you died. I have heard 
 indeed, from the Ghofts of fome half-ftarved Silk- 
 Weavers, and fome Manufacturers of Irijb Woollen 
 
 Goods, that died of Hunger and Poverty, that /- d 
 
 was vaftly improv’d, as to Elegance of Tafte, in her 
 Gentry, as to eating and drinking: That they under- 
 ftood Mufick, infinitely better than their Anceftors ; 
 that they dreft vaftly more agreeably than their ftupid 
 Grandmothers, and fhew’d more good Senfe in the nice 
 choice of their Suits, and the Fancy and richnefs of 
 their Cloaths, as well as the modeft way of imitating 
 naked Eve, in wearing them, than the laft Age did. 
 
 I was allured alfo, that they danced inconceivably 
 finer than ever •, that their Races, and their Subfcrip- 
 tions for them, quite furpaft all Imagination ; and 
 that they gam’d deeper, and loft their Guineas with 
 more 
 
more eafe and politenefs, even to Strangers and Shar* 
 pers, than their. Fathers did their Shillings to one’ 
 another. As to any other Improvements, and parti-; 
 cularly as to Learning, Virtue, or Piety, (which - 
 probably were over-look’d in the Account) they poor 
 famifh’d Devils, coti’d tell me nothing of them. 
 
 ' Prior. You are very merry Dean with the mad- 
 nefs of our Countrymen, but I fear by and by, J. 
 (hall hear another Story, and be as melancholy with 
 their Miferies. However, as you defire it, I lhall; 
 give you a fair Account what thefe Improvements 
 were, which made me think our poor Country was in 
 a tolerable Way. And in the firft Place, I fliall men¬ 
 tion our numerous and extended Turnpikes, which 
 have been carried on with incredible Application and 
 furprizing Expence in all Parts, and I had almoft 
 faid, brought to every Town, of the leaf!: Name, or 
 Confequence in the Kingdom. Of what infinite Ad¬ 
 vantage this muft prove to the Eafe and Convenience 
 of all Travellers, to the facilitating and promoting 
 our inland Commerce, and the general Service of 
 Trade, I need not tell you. 
 
 Swift, Ah, Tom, I know very well, if I -- —d 
 
 had almoft as many high Ways in it as the Ocean, 
 what Advantages it would produce to us. This was 
 one of the great Arts of the ancient Romans, who 
 had prodigious Roads running thro’ every Province, 
 in a ftrait Line to the Capital of the Empire. But 
 Alas! We copy them in our boafted Caufeways, as 
 we do in our Standing Armies, without having any 
 real Bufinefs for either of them. I will for Tome Time, 
 at leaft, drop the delicate Subje& of our Troops; 
 
 but 
 
( »6 ) 
 
 but as to the other Point, I muft fay, I think it is a 
 Curie upon us, that we can’t even copy a good Ex¬ 
 ample (for bad Ones we do more adroitly) but we do' 
 it in a tricky dirty Manner, and with as many Devia¬ 
 tions as we can. Why, doft thou not know, Tom 
 what bafe filthy Jobs, Knaves, and Mean-foul'd 
 Wretches have made, and do Hill make of thefe mag¬ 
 nified Turnpikes. I-was once fix’d to write a Book 
 of all the Cheats, and all the Reptiles, of what Qua¬ 
 lity or Station foever concern’d in them, but I found 
 it would be fo voluminous, that 1 left the Care of it 
 to Pofterity, as one of the largeft Branches of Injh 
 Hiftory, and Wifdom. But to dwell as little on fuch 
 melancholy Difgraces of our Country, as I can, I 
 will chufe only to hint to you, that fine Roads, with¬ 
 out Travellers, and Stage-Coaches, without Paflen- 
 gers, are ufelefs Things, that muft foon be dropt; 
 and without Manufactures, and proper Employment 
 to let us at Work, can neither be for Ufe or Pleafure. 
 Indeed, if we had Trade, and the Roads were fairly 
 finilh’d, they might help it; but in the mean Time, 
 methinks we are in his Cafe, who built the Mill, 
 without knowing whence to bring Water to it, or 
 where to procure Grift for it. Nay, to make bad 
 worfe, after fo many Ads for Turnpikes, you can¬ 
 not but know, Tom , that we want one general Ad to 
 make them all paflable. I am loth to be too fevere 
 on them, and thofe who make Pence by Ipoiling 
 them; and therefore I will only fay, paffable for Foot¬ 
 men at leaft; for as to Carriages, if they are allowed 
 to be driven on feme of thefe Roads, they will be 
 the utter Ruin of each other. But as I am quite 
 fick 
 
t '7 1 
 
 fick of this, prithee Tom, let us go to fome other Im¬ 
 provements of Ireland. 
 
 Prior.. Why, the next I fhall mention is one, 
 which you cannot eafily talk me out of, and that is, 
 our prodigious Number of Converts; which, confider- 
 ing the Prejudices of a bigotted People, (envaflaled 
 to Rome, and Superftition) exceeds all Belief. It is a 
 Matter of the higheft Confequence to our Welfare, 
 that we have fo aftonilhing a Crowd of all Ranks, 
 Fortunes, and Circumftances that have come over to 
 our Church, who were formerly our inveterate Ene¬ 
 mies, and are now perfectly united to us, both in 
 our religious and political Interefts : This is not only 
 a great difeomfort, and weakening to the Popilh 
 Party, but a confiderable Encouragement and 
 Strength, to all who wifli well to the Proteftant Re¬ 
 ligion in Ireland . As the Papifts are now quite de¬ 
 
 priv’d, of all Men of Fortune, Family or Character, 
 that were capable of heading their Attempts, or form¬ 
 ing their Schemes of any Sort; I have ever look’d on 
 this Affair of our numerous Converts', as likely to con¬ 
 tribute emnently to the Peace and Profperity of this 
 Ifland. By this means, thofe fpiritual Factions, 
 which have often produced fuch fatal Effects here, by 
 Rebellions and national Maflacres, will be utterly ex- 
 tinguiflied, and both Conformiffs, Diflenters and 
 Papifts, will in a little Time, live in as much Har¬ 
 mony and Good-Humour together; as if our Statef- 
 men had learn’d the Art of Father Boubanri s Friend, 
 who he tells us, had taught a Dog, a Cat, and a Moufe, 
 to eat quietly together. 
 
 C 
 
 Swift. 
 
Swift. The Diflenters live in Harmony and good 
 Humour ! What, Tm, cannot even the Grave open 
 your Eyes ; as to thofc Favourites of yours, the Dif- 
 fenters, after all the Pranks they have been playing of 
 late, as if they had a mind to make good, all I ever 
 writ againft them : But keep your old kind Opinion 
 of them, Tom, to your felf, for I (hall not difpute on 
 it now, becaufe a few Years, and a few Fatts, will 
 (hew you fully what they drive at, and fo to that 
 great Explainer Time, I leave them, unlefs you ftart 
 the Subject hereafter. As to our Converts which are 
 our present Topick, I (hall only fay, when you conflder 
 how they manage, whole Interefts they efpoufe, and 
 who they herd with, you will not be too ready to 
 vouch for their Sincerity, or build on their Friendlhip, 
 elpccially when their Converfionis brought about, by 
 worldly Interefts, and lecuring their Eftates. They 
 remember, I fancy the Advice of Alexander the Great 
 to the Athenians , who refufed to own him for a God: 
 
 * Vtdete Aibenienfes tie dim Caltim cujlodiatis , Terram 
 amittatis., 
 
 and therefore they take Care, not to facrifice their 
 Lands and Tenements, to Opinions that are equally 
 inconliftent and inconvenient. As for the Story of 
 Father Boubours' s Friend, I lhall only anfwer it, with 
 one of Father Heinpius, who was a very honeft Mif- 
 fionary, and had made fome Converts among the 
 Indian 
 
 * Lusk tv it Athenians, lefi vsbiljt jeu guard Heaven he cloftl}* 
 JsaJLeidd Icje year Lands. 
 
t 19 ] 
 
 Indian Savages. In the fmall Number of thpfe he 
 had brought over, he met with an old Woman, whom 
 he had taken fo much pains in intruding, that at laft 
 he had thoroughly convinc’d her ; and having admit¬ 
 ted his newChriitian to Baptifm, he made her a pre- 
 fent (and a very agreeable one to the Savages) of a 
 Pound of Tobacco : In a few Weeks, (after behaving 
 very well) this old Woman comes to Father Henepin , 
 and tells him her Tobacco was gone, and begs of all 
 Love, he wou’d give her another Pound, and (he 
 wou’d then confent to be Chriftned anew. I will 
 make no Application, Tom, but if any of your Irijb 
 Cenverlions, feem to bear iome Reiemblance with 
 this, as to their Motives and Conduct, I think you 
 need not boa ft much o f any Advantages, to be de¬ 
 riv’d from them. 
 
 ' Prior. I look'on our Converts in a very different 
 Light; Numbers of them are unqudtionably iincere ; 
 and if any of them may be juftly fuipected, i am 
 fure their Children, and Grand-Children; wi.lbeadtu. 
 ally as good Proteftants, as any in England, where a 
 few Generations ago, all were bigot ted Slaves to Rome 
 and Popery. Upon this Footing it is, that 1 will alfo 
 reckon up to you, our Charter woiking Schools, as 
 
 another great Improvement in I - d, and which 
 
 gave me great Hopes of our drawing prodigious Ad¬ 
 vantages from them. The Janizaries, w ho are Sons 
 ■ of Chriftians taken Captives in thc.r Infancy, arc not 
 8 greater Strength to the Tnrks, or a greater weaken¬ 
 ing to their Enemies, than thefe Children, will be to 
 pur Church and Kingdom. This is the fureft, and 
 fafeft Method of Itriking at theRootof thePopilh Party', 
 
[ *°] 
 
 in our divided Country; and will fecretly and without 
 Noife or Vio’ence,or the Terror of Penal Laws, fap and 
 undermine their great Support their Numbers, and that 
 old partition Wall of the Irifh Tribes, and the Englifb 
 Families, and make us in Time but one People. 
 There are few Counties in the Kingdom, that have 
 not one, or more. Charter Schools eftablilh’d in them j 
 and as the Children, I am told, are computed to near 
 fifteen Hundred, and will probably in a few Years, 
 amount to double that Number, I cannot but hope 
 to fee great Effecls from this happy Inftitution. 
 
 Swift. Why truly, Tom , in three or four Centu¬ 
 ries, lumething may be done-; but Schools and Chil¬ 
 dren are as flow a way of working, as (owing Acorns, 
 in order to raife Forefts, for building Fleets and Cities. 
 Beiides, the Funds allowed this noble Defign, are fo 
 fmall, as if they were fublcrib’d by Papifts, in order 
 to cramp it, and leilen its Efficacy; whereas the Con¬ 
 tributions ought to be as extended as its Views, and 
 fuited to the removal of our great national Defect, 
 our rdigiuus Differences. Neither ought fuchan im¬ 
 portant Scheme, to be left depending on Fits of good 
 Humour, and the Yearnings of Charity, which are 
 influenced fo much by the Variations of popular Opi¬ 
 nion, and Changes ofWeather, and Times, and Sea- 
 fons. Witha -1 l muff tell you, Tom, that the whole 
 Bedv of the Popiin Clergy, have been fo violent in 
 oppoi'ng it, by denying the Communion and Abfo- 
 1 a , t a 1 ! their Members, that fend Children tp 
 f o 'c' ool , and cuffing it and them, with Sell, 
 Boot:, ano candle, in all their Congregations, that I 
 • ts ? .k 1 it will be yet harder, to get Chiloren to 
 
 fill 
 
fill the Schools, than even a Fund to maintain them 
 there. 
 
 Prior. It muft be owned the popifh Clergy have 
 done their utmoft, to difcredit and overturn this De- 
 fign. This however, is a ftrcr.ger Proof of the ex¬ 
 ceeding Ufefulnefs of it, than of their Prudence in 
 thwarting it fo violently, as they confeffedly have 
 done. However, as this is a Scheme which his Ma- 
 jefty has fo generoufly, and fo warmly efpoufed, I am 
 the more inclined to believe, that from his Royal Pro- 
 teftion, it will probably operate more expeditioufly, 
 thgn you imagine : And if thefe wife Priefts will con- 
 fider, that if they go on to undermine thefe Plans of 
 their Governors, it may force them to blow up at 
 once, their whole Church Government, and oblige all 
 Priefts, on pain of High Treafon, to take out all their 
 Titles from the King, or Proteftant Bifhops only, it 
 may make them more cautious and moderate in 
 their mighty Zeal. A Prieft in Ireland , fhou’d be as 
 quiet, and as paffive, as a Proteftant Minifter in 
 France ; and if once they are fo, we lhall foon find our 
 Charter Schools more crowded than their Mafs Hwifes, 
 and their Parents, as manageable as their Children. 
 
 Swift. I am afraid their fixt Oppofition to our 
 Government may produce fome wholefome Statutes 
 •' t0 curb their ill-judg’d Zeal; but if they behave with 
 Decency,- and a due Submidion to the Laws and tire 
 Government, I Ihou’d be forty to fee anr Seventies 
 -thought nepeflary. 
 
Prior. So fhou’d I, and probably their own Pru¬ 
 dence and Moderation may prevent it ; and to that 
 we may leave it. In Ihort, dear Dean, ’tis as eafy re¬ 
 moving this Evil, as drawing a loofe Tooth, if it 
 gives us no Pain, there it may flay ’till it rots; if it 
 does Pain us, and feverely too, out it muft go, and let 
 thole who give the Pain look to it. But I will drop 
 this Subjeft, and go on to another conliderable Im¬ 
 provement, that has of late Years been carried on 
 with particular Emulation and Saccefs, and that is, the 
 furpriiing Improvement in the Breed of bo h our black 
 Cattle, and our Hories. The firft of thefe, we have 
 taken uncommon Care about, by Importing' great 
 Numbers of the fineft Bulls and Heifers, from Eng¬ 
 land. ' It is true, the fatal Dileafe, that infeded moft 
 of the horned Beafts for fome Years paft in Great 
 Britain , forc’d us to fufpend our Importations of them 
 for fome Time ; but neverthelefs, I will be bold to 
 fay, there are but few breeding Counties, on the other 
 Side of the Water, which produce Cattle that excell 
 thofe, which are bred-by a vaft many of our Gentle¬ 
 men, either as to Beauty, Size, Leather, or Milk. 
 
 As toour Horfes,it iscogfeft by the belt Judges, that 
 by bringing over the nobleft Stallions, and the higheft 
 bred Mares, we may boaft of having raifed the Cha- 
 rader of both our Racers and Hunters to a furprizing 
 Degree. We fend over great Numbers every Year 
 abroad and I am affured, that in the French King’s 
 Stables, they make as great a Figure, and are as much 
 eltecmed, as tho'e of any Country in Europe, if we ex¬ 
 cept Great Britain. Our Nobility and Gentry, are fo 
 pafEofiately fond of keeping fine Studs, and the higheft 
 
' [ *3 1 
 
 priced Cattle for Blood and Performance, that if they 
 go on, as they have hitherto done, to lay out fuch large 
 Sums in indulging this Humour, we may in Time 
 expect to pay Part of the dreadful Importation of 
 French Claret, by cm.lrijh Horfes. 
 
 Swift. I wonder you don’t brag of our Import¬ 
 ing Jack-Afies, and breeding Mules here, among your 
 other mighty Nothings you boaft of fo magnificent¬ 
 ly. For my part, 'Tom, I fee no great Advantage to the 
 Service of Ireland , that a few private Gentlemen have 
 improv’d the Breed of the horned Cattle. You may 
 as well argue, that fome of our lrijh Senators mar¬ 
 rying a few celebrated Toafts for their Beauty, wou’d 
 improve the natural homelinefs of .the Commonality. 
 
 Indeed the Improvement made in the.Breed of our 
 lrijh Horfes, I believe will grow very general, and 
 have more enlarged Confequences, among our People, 
 as Racing favours fome of their darling Paflions, 
 their Indolence and Idlenefs, Gaming and Drinking, 
 and the helping our Fox-Hunters off^ with their Time 
 and their Fortunes, which I ever thought, two of the 
 greateft Burdens to our lrijh Gentlemen in the World.' 
 If they wou’d turn themfelves, to breed Cattle to 
 mount our Troops, or draw our Carriages, they might 
 indeed fave us 5000/. a Year, and do fomething truly 
 beneficial to our Country ; but, Tom , they have Souls 
 above the little Views of being ufeful; and managing 
 their Expences,and keeping our Cafh in the Kingdom, 
 are low Arts and Tricks, fitter for the mean Notions 
 of a Merchant or a Mechanick, than Men of Fortune 
 and Family, that are as proud and as thoughtlefs as lo 
 many noble Spaniards.' 
 
 c 4 
 
 Prior. 
 
Prior. Well, Dean, in fpite of all your Objections, 
 I think I have nam’d feveral confiderable Improve¬ 
 ments, in our poor Country, which gave me Realbn 
 to fay, file was on the mending Hand ; and 1 have 
 not nam’d all, for the very encreafe of our Numbers 
 of late Years, is a vaft Addition to our Strength, Cre¬ 
 dit, and Figure, as a Nation. I think the Dealers in 
 Political Anthmetick, compute that every Nation, 
 unwalled by Famines, Wars, or Plagues, doubles the 
 Quantity’ of its People in 250 Years; but I have feen 
 Computations, that between our early Marriages, 
 the Breedynefs of our People, the Importations of our 
 Neighbours, the Mildnefs of our Climate, and the 
 Fertility of our Soil, evidently prove, that we have 
 frequently doubled the Amount of our Inhabitants in 
 half that Time. The Truth is, the matter of Fail is 
 fo inconteftable, that I need not recollect all the 
 Proofs, on which they ground their Aflertion; but I 
 fhall only oblerve to you, Dean, that this is a very An¬ 
 gular Advantage, fince it is certain, that we out breed 
 the Jews, and in fpite of our Wars and Maffacres, 
 we feem to multiply like the Polypus, by being cut to 
 Pieces. 
 
 Swift. Stuff andNonfenfe! To tell me of our 
 Numbers, when they only ferve to multiply our 
 Wrctchednels and Miferies: Does this prove us on the 
 mending Hand, as you term it ? Why you talk like a 
 Phyfician, that wanted more Fees for doing nothing! 
 ’Tis hard, Tom, you cannot be in the Right fometimes, 
 and fpeak Truth now and then. Did ever Man before 
 you boaft of having Crowdsj>f Beggars ? And what 
 are 
 
( 25 )■ 
 
 are we elfe ? For I verily think, tbo’ Sir William Tetly % 
 fays, Nature never defign’d above one in 500 to beg, 
 by forcing them on the Charity of others, (thro’ fome 
 Lamenefs, Crookednefs, or other accidental Debility, 
 that incapacitates them to Labour) that in Ireland one 
 in feventy are Beggars, (at leaft for the Summer Sea- 
 fon,) and fixty of the Remainder incapable of relieving 
 them, thro’ their own Diftrefles. All the Advantages 
 we have thro’the encreafe of our Inhabitants, is, that 
 for want of being employ’d, they furnifh ns with 
 Thieves, Pilferers and Sharpers, private Wenches, 
 and common Whores, Cheats and Robbers, Pick’ 
 pockets, Gamefters, Tinkers and Vagabonds. We 
 get alfo by this blefied means fome Foundlings for our 
 Hofpitals, and Brats for our Charter Schools,' Shoe- 
 boys, and News Criers, and when they’re grown up, 
 Recruits for the holy Convents and Nunneries, and- 
 the wife and reverend Body of the Popifh Priefts. 
 We have alfo the Advantage of able bodied . Volun¬ 
 teers, for the Armies of our dear Allies the French ; 
 Shoals of Tranfports, that efcape from the Gallows, 
 to the Plantations abroad,and afuperfetationofFelons, 
 to give a little Bufinefs to our Judges, Juftices, and 
 Hangmen at home, and to keep up an Appearance 
 of our being govern’d like other Nations. How many 
 Thoufands do we fee, take their flight abroad every 
 Year, like Birds'df Paffage, to fearch for Food and 
 Subhftance in other Countries ? How many Thou, 
 •fands never return again to us, no more than Pri? 
 foners to their Confinement, when they’ve broke 
 loofe from their hard Fare, and their Fetters. I dg 
 not exaggerate in the leaft; our Numbers, till we can 
 give them Bufinefs at home, are as much a Curfe-, 
 
and a Burthen as too large a Garrifon in a befieged 
 Town that wants Provifions : If, as political Writers 
 agree, the true Interefts of any Country confifts in 
 the Profperity not of fome, but of all the People in it » 
 then I am fure Ireland , with her boafted Numbers* 
 is in a bad way ; as all her poor Popifh Natives, or 
 in other Words,three-fourths of her fvvarming Inhabi¬ 
 tants, have neither Houfes, Cloaths, Work, Food, 
 or Fire. This is a difmal felf-evident Truth, that de¬ 
 mands the ferious Confideration of every Irtjhman , 
 that can think, or can learn to think. At the fame 
 Time, our Nobility and Gentry fet their Lands ex- 
 ceffively high, get their Rents paid to a Penny, have 
 as little fear of Wars or Taxes as of Famines^ and 
 live as well ( rambling, and fquandering their For¬ 
 tunes all over the World) as any People whatever; 
 without one uneafy Thought, as to the Circumftances 
 of thofe Crowds of their Countrymen that are ftarv- 
 inghere. The Truth is, few Men are fick of other 
 People’s Ailments; and as thefe hohefl Gentlemen 
 find themfelves quite at Eafe, they can’t think others 
 are in Mifery. It puts me in mind, Tom, of the fa¬ 
 mous La Bray:re’s Account of a great Statefman in 
 France , who fign’d an Arret, thatwou’d have ftarv’d 
 fome Millions of People ; however, fays he, in his 
 farcaftical way, he is to be excufed, for how cou’d he, 
 with his Stomach full of Meat, and his Head fuming 
 with Wine, have any notion of a whole Province 
 perilling with Hunger ? In other Countries, where 
 fome Care is taken to employ their Hands, and fecure 
 them Neceflaries of Life, within the reach of their 
 Labour, their Numbers are their Strength and their 
 Happinels -, but here where nobody thinks for us, and 
 
we are too fottifh or defperate to think for ourfelves ; 
 our Numbers only increafe our Misfortunes, like 
 Lice on a difeafed and famifh’d Beggar. Our com¬ 
 mon Irijb are cloathed with Rags, that wou’d difgrace 
 a Dunghill in Holland 4 they live five Months in the 
 Year without Food, unlefs you will call Potatoes and 
 Salt by that Name ; nay, they live without Houfes, 
 unlefs Holes twice as big, and twice as dirty, as an 
 Englijb Hogfty, deferve that Title, which they Build 
 too, juft for a Year, as Birds build their Nefts, and 
 then away to another Place in the Spring. And to 
 brag of our Numbers, in fuch deplorable Circum- 
 ftances, is juft as rational, as for a Miller to brag of 
 having Thoufands of Rats in his Mill, tho’ they are 
 ftarving and thieving, and ready to eatupone another, 
 for a little more Room and Plunder. 
 
 Prior. Dear Dean, you are too fevere, and have 
 too imbitter’d a way of Speeching, on all Things re¬ 
 lating to Ireland. I reckon the ericreafe of our Hands 
 the greater Bleffing, as the advancement of our Linen 
 Bufinefs is likely in fome Years, to find Employment 
 for Crowds of our People; and confequently to give 
 them all the Conveniences, as well ps the Neceflaries 
 of Life, in a reafonable Plenty : The prodigious Pro- 
 grefs which this ufeful Manufacture, had made among 
 us, was alfo another Reafon for my faying, I left he* 
 
 ■ land on the.Recovery, when I was call’d Home,: It 
 generally encreafes about 20,000 /. per Ann. on an 
 Average ; and begins to fpread fo very faft in Lem - 
 Jler, Connaught and Mun/ler, that in a little Time we 
 may hope to fee manyThoufands of Families, which are 
 ppwfamilhing,eafy imtheitCircumftances, and ufeful to 
 their 
 
[ ** ] 
 
 theirCountry. We begin to be convinced,that our chief 
 view herein mull be to increafe the Number of Acres 
 fowed with Flax-Seed, and the Spinners who Manu¬ 
 facture it; for if thefe were doubled (and with Care 
 and Time they will be doubled) they wou’d foon 
 enrich us, and employ many Hands, that are now a 
 Burthen to us. ’Tis certain there is not by the 
 faireft Computation, over the fifteenth Part of our 
 People employ’d at prefent in this Bufinefs ; and it 
 ought to be our great Care, to have as many bufied 
 this way, in the other three Provinces, as there are in 
 Ulfter. Twenty Thoufand Acres of Flax willfurnilh 
 us with Materials enough, to keep an eighth part of 
 our People employ’d; and as we neither want Ground 
 enough to fupply us with fufficient Quantities of ex¬ 
 cellent Flax, nor Hands to work it up, if we wou’d 
 ufe them; there is little doubt, but by proper Laws, 
 if we can get them, and well judg’d Premiums, if 
 we are allowed them, we (hall foon- fee this blefled 
 Affair eftabli(h’d. There is no danger of growing too 
 large a Quantity of Flax,or of manufacturing too large 
 a Stock of Linen ; the demand for them is fo confider- 
 ab!e already, and will encreafe every Day, with our 
 Skill and Induftry in the Manufacture; and if we en¬ 
 large the Sallaries of our Lappers, and thereby fecure 
 the Credit of their Seals, it is probable, we (hall out¬ 
 work, and under fell all our Rivals, 
 
 Swift. A very fine and a very plaufible Acoount of 
 Things ; but do you know, Tom , of no Objection 
 againft this promifing Calculation of yours ? Are there 
 "no Fears to ballaqce thefe growing Hopes, and mighty 
 ProfpeCls? 
 
 Priq*. 
 
Prior. None that I know of, Mr. Dean. I have 
 exaggerated nothing, but candidly reprefented the 
 true State of this Manufacture •, nay I ought to 
 have added to it, the flouriihing State of our Cam- 
 bricks in Ul/ler, and particularly at Dundalk ; where 
 we have as happy an Example fet us in the North, as 
 a certain Baronet, and Friend of mine, has given us in 
 the South; what our Nobility and Gentry can do to 
 help us, when they Employ an enlarged Fortune, and 
 an improv’d Underftanding, in advancing our Manu¬ 
 factures, and labouring to enrich and enliven our 
 Country. I might jultly have brought in alfo, the 
 reafonable Hopes we have, that our Hempen Manu¬ 
 factures, may in a few Years, be fo aflifted, as to 
 enable us to give Wings to the Navy of Great Bri¬ 
 tain, and Shirts to her Seamen ; to her great laving, 
 and our equal Gain and Honour. By this means, the 
 rich Lands in Munfter and Connaught, may be as hap¬ 
 pily employ’d, as the lefs fertile Fields, in the North ; 
 and have no Reafon to Envy the fuperior Induftry 
 and Wealth of their Neighbours: And then our Wo¬ 
 men, (who ufed .to be the nioft ufelefs Members of 
 our Country, before they diftinguifh’d themfelves in 
 our Linen Buiinefs,) wou’d have a new Opportunity 
 given them, to (hew themfelves the beft, and the 
 mod induftrious Creatures in it. 
 
 Swift. I think, Tom ,we may fpare our Compliments 
 to the Women, now we are dead, who paid fo little 
 Regard to them while we were living. But to pafs 
 by that, I mud: tell you, I have let you go on a long 
 while, without contradicting you on this favourite Ar¬ 
 ticle, which I always think on with fatisfaCtion, as it is 
 the 
 
the ftaple Commodity of this Ifland, and the chief 
 Support of our Poor. But you lhou’d aft the Part 
 of one of thofe faithful Lappers you were talking of, 
 and put the word part of their Cloth Manufafture 
 outmoft, and then Matters wou’d wear a very diffe¬ 
 rent Afpeft. Do you confider what a dangerous Rival 
 Scotland has been, and is likely more and more every 
 Day to prove, to this miferable Country ; and with 
 how much eafe lhe may exert her Jealoufy againft 
 us, to the cramping, or poflibly, to the blafting all our 
 Hopes. Do you refleft, how lhe may reduce you to the 
 precarious Dependance of fending over every Seflions 
 a Linen Bill; and to hold the very Subfiftance of our 
 Manufactures, or in other W6rds, the Life of Ireland, 
 by her foie Will and Pleafure. 
 
 Prior. I have often heard this Objection ftarted, 
 but never thought there was Danger enough.in it to de¬ 
 fence an Anfwer, becaufe I am convinced, it is equally 
 falfe and abfurd. Great Britain knows and feels, that 
 the improving thefe Manufactures here, is of vaft 
 Service to her, as it weakens her Enemies, and 
 ftrengthens her Friends •, and that all (he pays us with 
 one Hand, is quickly repaid by us into the other. 
 Scotland allb knows, that there is a vaft demand for 
 all the Linens (he and Ireland can work up; and that 
 England alone confumes above the Value of a Mil¬ 
 lion, imported by Foreigners, more than (he and Ire¬ 
 land can lupplv her with : She knows therefore, that 
 there is no Caufe for Rival'.hip, and if there was, (he 
 wou’d exert herfelf to difeourage the Manufactures of 
 Foreigners, before (he wou’d attempt to ruin a Sifter 
 Nation, io clofely united to her in the great Caufe of 
 Religiort 
 
( 3 1 ) 
 
 Religion and Liberty, and all the weighty Interefts that 
 tie Nations together. This is fo evedent, fo facred a 
 Truth, that I am fo far from being jealous of Op- 
 pofition and RivaKhip from that Quarter, that I am 
 confident of all that Afliftancc and Encouragement to 
 our Linens, which has been fo often promifed from 
 Great Britain , and made good to us, by the repeated 
 Orders of our Kings •, and not only by the Speeches of 
 our Lords Lieutenants, but by the moft ufeful Laws 
 from the Throne. Nay, I doubt not, if by any evil 
 Arts of our Enemies, any difirefs or obftrudtion, fhould 
 hereafter be procured to our Manufsdhirers; we thou’d 
 find on a candid Complaint of our Injury, an imme¬ 
 diate Redrefs from that honeft Spirit, which ever regu¬ 
 lates the Englijb Councils, and makes them deteft 
 tricky Politicks, as much as open Oppreffion, and lias 
 ever infpired them with a noble Zeal, to ailift and pro- 
 tedt the righteous Caufe of Truth, Induflry and 
 Liberty. 
 
 Swift. It may be fo ! very likely——but pof- 
 fibly, Tom , her aid might come too late for our Mifery; 
 and we might cry out, like the poor Roman . Knight 
 Lancia , who bawl’d out for help, when the Pile he was 
 laid on, was all in Flames, and his Friends could do 
 him no Service. Befides, Tom, not to mention that 
 your riling Manufafture fell laft Year 132,000/. 
 Have you not heard how your laft Linen Bill, was lb 
 . miferably mutilated, that it was forc’d to be dropt; 
 and that the Nation was fobb’d off with a fenfelefs 
 Tale ot a ileepy heedlefs Clerk ; which if you have 
 not heard, I can give you a full Account of. 
 
 FrIOR. 
 
[ 3 2 ] 
 
 Prior. There is no Occafion, for I am quite con¬ 
 vinced there was no fuch Defign. Do you think it 
 poffible, that Men of high Characters for Honour and 
 Candour, Jultice and Integrity, cou’d fport in fo in¬ 
 famous a Manner with the Fate of Nations, and the 
 very Bread and Being of a free, a brave, and a loyal 
 People ? Can you fuppofe, fuch a Perfonage as was 
 then watching over our Welfare, wou’d from an uni- 
 vcrfal Reputation, for every great and good Quality, 
 turn in an inftant to a barbarous Caligula , and Wilh to 
 cut off a whole Kingdom at a Blow ? Abfurd and im- 
 poffible ! ’Tis not only reflecting on our Governors, 
 bafely and fallely; but in fome Meafure on the belt 
 of Princes too; fince it is impoffible we cou’d be 
 fobtily and infidioufly betray’d by the one, without be¬ 
 ing fecretly doom’d to Ruin by the other. Now this, 
 Mr. Dean, is a Conduct fo utterly oppofite to his royal 
 Nature and Character, who now gives Glory to the 
 Britijb Throne ; that I am perfuaded, he is incapable 
 of acting fo to his molt perfidious Enemies, and much 
 lefs to the moft zealous and faithful Subjects in the 
 World. 
 
 SwirT. Well, well, Tom, ’tis no Time for us to be 
 quarrelling about Reports and Stories. But now you 
 have done with whitening the Sepulchres of Ireland, 
 give me leave to Ihew you honeftly, and without Flat¬ 
 tery, the Dirt and Stench, the Corruption and Rot- 
 tennels that lurks within. Now, 
 
 Audi alteram Partam. 
 
 I will (hew You-- 
 
 Pfiioa, 
 
r 33 3 
 
 Prior. Hear me out firft, for I am fo far from 
 having done, that I have not yet even touch’d on all 
 the Advantages that our Country has received, from 
 the Dublin Society’s Premiums ; which was one of my 
 chief Reaforis, for having confider’d Ireland as upon 
 the Recovery, when I went under-ground like a Tor- 
 toife, to be raifed again when the Summer comes, 
 after a long Sleep. I need not be very particular on 
 lb known and confeft a FaCt, as the extraordinary 
 Improvements they have made amongft.us, in a vaft 
 Variety of Articles. We are told Solomon 's Writings 
 were fo extenfive, that he wrote from the Cedar. of 
 Lebanon, to the Hyllop that groweth from the Wall; 
 and really their Labours have taken in every Material, 
 every Manufacture, and every Improvement of either, 
 of them, that had any claim to their Attention or 
 Encouragement. We may fay of their Funds, as. 
 Laertes does in Hamlet , ‘ as for my Means, I’ll hulband 
 them fo well, they (hall go far with little and it is 
 certain there never was fo much done, with io poor 
 an Income, to remedy all our natural Indilpofition, to 
 Labour, and Thought, and Induftry; to roufe up 
 Thoufands who were afleep, and fet Numbers on 
 contriving and working, who were dreaming and 
 idling before; and to Hop our People from runing 
 abroad, by Wages and Bufmefs, and an hope of liv- 
 ing to purpofe at Home. They gave Premiums, to 
 heighten the Manufacture and Dying of our Wool¬ 
 len Cloths; of our Silks, and. our Velvets; of our 
 Blankets; of our Worfteds; of our Cottons ; of our 
 Coffoys; Buffs, Lutherines and Fuftians; of our 
 Stockings, and our Carpets, with furprifing Succefs : 
 
 D In 
 
[ 34 ] 
 
 InourHufbandry they did Wonders alfo ; as toWheat 
 and Barley ; as to Liming, Marling, and Sanding of 
 Land ; as to planting of Hops, draining of Bogs ; 
 as to railing Liquorilh, Saffron and Madder; and as to 
 fowing of Turneps, Clover, St. Foil, Trefoil, and 
 all Kinds of Grafs Seeds. They improv’d by a well, 
 judged Emulation and proper Rewards, Numbers of 
 ourHulbandry Utenfils : They fet the Nation at 
 Work, in Planting amazing Quantities of Timber 
 Trees, Willows and Ofiers for Hop Poles; in raifmg 
 great Numbers of Orchards, and improving our mak¬ 
 ing of Cyder, home made Wines, and Metheglins; 
 as alfo in Brewing our Ale and Beer, and giving us 
 Vinegar from our own Fruits, equal to the bell in 
 France. They raifed the Manufadtures of our firieft 
 Hats, to a furpriling Degree; and they did the fame 
 by our Window Glafs. and made fo great a Progrefs 
 inour Paper Bufmefs,and building of Mills for carrying 
 it on, as if they had got the Mines of Peru, or the 
 Induftry of China, to aflift them in their Undertak¬ 
 ings. 
 
 Swift. Well, dear Fom, I fuppofeyou have done 
 now. 1 have finilh’d a Sermon, on a better Subjedt 
 twice as foon, and yet tir’d my People, God help them, 
 before I had half done. 
 
 Prior.. I fee you don’t relilh the Tranlports of my 
 Zeal on this Subject, which gives me fuch high De¬ 
 light ; fo I (hall mention but curforily many Articles 
 that remain, and (hall pafs by a Crowd in Silence, that 
 well deferv’d my dwelling on them : What I (hall begin 
 the remaining part of my Catalogue with, is their 
 exerting 
 
[ 35 ] 
 
 exerting themfelves with fuch Afliduity and Succefs, 
 in Teaching young. Lads to Draw and Defign lkilful- 
 Iy; in letting up Competitions for the beftDelf, Roan 
 and Crockery Ware, for EreCting the beft Glafs Bottle- 
 Houfes, for railing-of Mulberry Trees, for making 
 of Salt, for working the beft Bone-Lace, and the beft 
 Imitation of it by the Needle : For the Encourage¬ 
 ment of the beft Needle-Works in Silk and Worfted; 
 for the Advancement of thofe lovely Arts Painting, 
 Architecture and Sculpture ; for encouraging Tapef- 
 try, and enlarging our Filheries: For improving the 
 Tanning and Currying of our Leather, for the Dif- 
 covery of Mines and railing of Ores, and for thofe 
 who Ihould annually Produce the beft Invention in 
 ufeful Arts and Hulbandry. In a Word, by 'turning 
 themfelves every way, and applying their little Fund 
 in different Years, to different Ufes and Subjects, 
 they feem’d not only to Influence, but even to ani¬ 
 mate the Whole of our Cou ntry ; to fire our Hearts, 
 to enlighten our Minds, and ftir and ftrengthen our 
 Hands; and by giving a new Turn to our Thoughts 
 and Motions, to prepare us for yet greater Scenes of 
 Indufty, when larger Helps cou’d be got to excite us 
 to it. They have Ihewn us the vaft EffeCts of a well 
 directed Emulation, and what a few hundred annual 
 Pounds, have already done, and can produce here¬ 
 after, by the honeft Oeconomy and prudential Direc¬ 
 tions, of a zealous and judicious Body of Citizens, 
 who Study the Good of their Country. They have 
 alfo Ihewn us another undifputed Truth, viz. That 
 if their Fund was enlarg’d, the Good they wou’d do 
 wou’d be proportionably encreafed with it, and that 
 little Wonders might be wrought in Ireland, by en- 
 D % livening 
 
livening the Arts, by Feeding the Hungry, by giving 
 Feet and Hands to the Lame and Lazy, Eyes to' the 
 Blind or dim-fighted, and raifing the Dead and the 
 Droufy, to Life and A&ivity. 
 
 Swift. Go on, dear Tom , go on, with your Rap* 
 tures and Enthufiaftical Reveries; but pray allow me 
 to alk you one plain Queftion, what (if all you affirm 
 be true) cou’d poffibly hinder, this neceflary, and in* 
 deed this important Enlargement of their Fund. 
 
 Prior. Why really, Mr. Dean, I cannot anfwer 
 your Enquiry, without throwing one of the heavieft 
 Imputations on a Nation, which I wou’d have Died to 
 ferve effectually, and which I fpent my Life in labour¬ 
 ing to ferve, in too narrow and ftinted a Manner. It 
 mull be confeft, too few of our Nobility or Gentry, 
 fhew’d that Generofity of Soul to encreafe the annual 
 Income of the Society, by their Contributions, as 
 might have been expected, from the Numbers of 
 worthy Men among us, who do us real Honour. It 
 is certain his Majefty fet the Nation a noble Example, 
 by Affigning them a Charter, and allowing them an 
 handfome annual Revenue out of his Treafury; and 
 what fhou’d hinder Crowds of our worthieft Noblemen 
 and Gentlemen, of large Fortunes and Minds pro¬ 
 portioned to them, to Subfcribe Ten or Twenty 
 Pounds a Year, to fo noble and fo fuccefsful a Scheme, 
 is hard and perhaps painful to fay : I am the more 
 amaz’d at it, as they cou’d not but lay, it wou’d have 
 railed Ireland from Idlenefs to Induftry, from Ignorance 
 to Knowledge, from Contempt and Difregard, to 
 Honour and Credit; and wou’d not have left us in 
 fifty 
 
[ 37 ] 
 
 fifty Years, an Idler or a Beggar, (which are but 
 fynonimous Terms) in the whole Kingdom. A Dilh 
 or two fav’d from their Tables, or a Bottle or two 
 from their Revellings, an Horfeor two left out of their 
 Stables, nay even a lac’d Coat, or a lac’d Livery 
 funk : a Night of Gaming, a trifling Frolick, a 
 Jaunt of Pleafure deducted from their ufual Ex- 
 pences; or what is ftill better, a Winter or two fpent 
 in doing Good on their own Eftates, wou’d more than 
 anfwer all: It is certain, that it is abfolutely incum¬ 
 bent on every Gentleman, I will not fay that loves 
 Ireland , but that loves himfelf and his Family, to do 
 his beft to aflift fo happy a Scheme, fo diftinguifh’d a 
 Society, with .his Purfe, his Head and his Hands, if 
 he knows how to ufe any of them. Nay, they Ihou’d 
 extend the fame Methods, and the fame Premiums, 
 to their feveral Provinces, Counties and Cities, for 
 the particular Arts and Manufactures, that are likelieft 
 to thrive there : And if they diffufed them to their 
 own Eftates, Manors and Tenants, it wou’d in Time 
 with Patience and Management, produce vaft Effects, 
 and a ftrange Revolution in our Circumftances, 
 Cuftoms and Manners. Thefe are Thoughts worthy 
 of Men, of Chriftians, of Free-born Britons , and 
 rational Creatures ! worthy to be planted and nurfed 
 in every honeft Breaft, and to be Ipread as univerfal- 
 ly, as the Air we breathe, and the Bounds of Nature 
 •and the World. He that has them, and feeds and 
 cultivates them in his Soul, and brings them into 
 common Life and Action in his Country, has a better 
 Claim to the Love of his Maker, or Fellow-Citizens, 
 than if he had founded Empires, or dilcover’d new 
 Worlds. 
 
 D 3 
 
 Swift. 
 
[ 3 « 1 
 
 - Swift. Very well, Tom —but pray will Mankind 
 agree to thefe fine Doftrines, or will they not rather 
 delpiie or ridicule them, as a little on the Roman- 
 tick. 
 
 Prior. If the Lazy, the Vicious, and the Selfilh 
 laugh at fuch Notions, and look on fuch Plans of 
 Things, as Dreams and Vifions ; the Adtive, the Vir¬ 
 tuous, and the Difinterefted, know their real Worth, 
 and wjfh and labour, to have them (pread as widely 
 and as forcibly among Men, as Vices corrupt; and 
 Plagues deftroy. I and fome others did our belt, to 
 propagate fuch ways of thinking and adting here ; 
 but I fear we might to as much Purpofe, have ad- 
 monilh’d the modern Italians , to imitate the Courage, 
 Zeal and publick Spirit of the antient Romans , for I 
 did not find, that we made many Converts to our 
 Opinions. However, Charity makes me think, that 
 what chiefly hinders our Gendemen from acting right, 
 and making fuch Thoughts the great Rules of their 
 Conduct; is the dread of being Singular, and the 
 unmanly fear of envious Tempers. They apprehend 
 being traduced or fneer’d at, by the common Herd 
 of Mankind for their infolent Zeal, and their daring 
 to fet up to ferve others, and improve their Country¬ 
 men, and therefore they decline it. It is odd how 
 any good, not to lay any great Mind, can be over¬ 
 aw’d by fo mean a Modelty, by fo poor a Terror, 
 as theCenfure or Malice of thofe he labours to ferve^ 
 and yet Hundreds (I fpeak from long Experience) are 
 influenced by it. What makes me wonder the more 
 at fuch Conduit, is, that I am perfuaded Malice here 
 below, 
 
[ 39 1 
 
 below, is not only defign’d by the great Author of 
 Good, as a Trial of our Virtue, to fee if it is real 
 and conftant to the Touch,' as the Goldfmith does 
 his Metal by palling it thro’ the Fire, but I cou’d 
 even think Malice, is alfo 3 fort of Reward to 
 Virtue. 
 
 Swift. Blefs us all, Tom ! Malice a Reward to 
 Virtue! that is fomething new indeed, Tom. 
 
 Prior. It may be abfurd alfo, but I am fometimes 
 inclined to think it fo, becaufe it generally encreafes 
 and exalts our Worth, and alfo as it frequently ferves 
 to make it appear with the greater Dignity and Glory, 
 when the Malice of Envyers is vanquilh’d or filenced. 
 Befides we often fee it a direct Spur to noble Addons, 
 and find it ftimulates our Ardour to new advances ; 
 and when our Souls are firm enough, to fmile at and 
 even willi well to our Detradtors, it fwells the Heart 
 with a nobler Joy, and an higher Delight, than even 
 Virtue jn any other Situation can give. But however 
 that may be, I am fure it is the chief Reward of Vir¬ 
 tue in this World, and this Age. But to difmifs that 
 Point, I rauft obferve that it has often amaz’d me, 
 to fee how few Gentlemen I cou’d perfuade to exert 
 themfelves, by proper Donations or Subfcriptions, to 
 affifta Society that is fo eminently ufeful to their 
 Country. 
 
 Swift. I think you have accounted for it pretty 
 well already, I will only add this plain Truth, that 
 Men love their Money better than their Health, or 
 their dear Bodies, to fay nothing of their Souls, For 
 D 4 this 
 
[ 4 ° ] 
 
 this Reafon it is, that they don’t Care for giving it 
 to Schemes of Notions, and airy Views of Induftry, 
 and Improving of Nations; but they keep it for folid 
 Subftantial Things, their Racing and Gaming, their 
 Hawks and their Hounds, their Cloaths and their 
 Coaches, their Houfes and their Equipages,- their 
 Kitchens and Cellars, their Amours and Amufcments. 
 They are fo far from giving their Money to fuch 
 Projects and Views, that they will not even give their 
 Thoughts or their Time to them, left they fhou’d be 
 miilead, into tire Plague of reading, and thinking, 
 and reafoning ; of contriving the beft Methods, of 
 punilhing the Idle, reclaiming the Vicious, or em¬ 
 ploying the Poof. Such troublefome Methods, may 
 prove the overthrow of Electioneering and Borough- 
 buying, and their embofom’d Third; for the pooreft 
 Power, the meaneft Places, and the bafeft Gain ; and 
 in a Word it wou’d be the Deftrudion, of all thofe 
 dirty Jobbs, that enrich private Rogues and beggar 
 Nations. How, dear Tom, cou’d you expeft fuch 
 diffipated Minds, fuch a liftlefs pleafurable Gentry, 
 wou’d ever contribute a Thought, or a Shilling to 
 improve Ireland, who won’t improve one Thoufand 
 Acres, to help their Children and feed their Families ? 
 Who will not even take the Trouble, or be at the 
 Expence, to lay, out Nurferies for adorning their 
 Eftates, or plant out Groves and Woods, to make 
 their Refidence pleafant to them; nay, who will not 
 even Build good Manfion Houfes, or comfortable 
 Offices for themfelves or their Pofterity ? Wou’d fuch 
 unthinking unadive Mortals, fubfcribe to Societies* 
 or lighten their Rurfes to eftablifh Premiums, who 
 tho’ they cou’d make themfelves and their Fortunes 
 eafy, 
 
( 4i ) 
 
 cafy, by a little Management, tho’ they cou’d ftarve 
 their Difeafes by Temperance, and be an Honour to 
 their Country, by a little Virtue and Dignity of Be¬ 
 haviour, will not think them worth their Attention. 
 One (hou’d never expeCt, mighty Efforts of Goodnefs 
 or Greatnefs of Mind, from any Men, or even dream 
 of moderate ones from Irijbmen ; or at leaft whoever 
 does, fhou’d remember what the Italian fays, ‘ He 
 who lives on Hope dies of HungerAs there are few 1 
 among us, Ton 2, who have exalted Minds, enlarg’d 
 Underftandings, or uncorrupted Hearts, join’d with 
 a noble Contempt, for whatever can happen to us 
 here, it is pretty evident, why their Subfcriptions 
 were fo few and fo mean * for without thefe tranfeen. 
 dent Qualities, ’tis hard to conceive how Men ean : 
 truly love their Country, and be real fincere Patriots.- 
 Numbers have Generofity enough, to relieve a dif- 
 treft Family, to join for a Ridotto, to fet up a Mufick 
 Meeting, or an Afferribly, or Subfcribe for a Week’s' 
 Races ; but they wou’d as foon contribute to the 
 Building of Churches, or endowing Colleges for the 
 Advancement of Learning, as to promote the Trade, 
 the Tillage, the Manufactures, the Welfare of 
 Ireland, by taxing their Pocket, or fubftra&ing from 
 their Pleafures. There is however one Excufe, which 
 I muft plead for them, notwithftanding all I have 
 faid, and that is the too general Defpair, of doing 
 • any Service to their Country* by fuch Subfcriptions, 
 the Remedy is fo dilproportioned to the Difeafe. 
 ’Tis,they think,like Sir JofepbJekilh, leaving 30,000/. 
 by his Will, to help to pay off the National Debt, 
 of eighty Millions. 
 
 Pkk-k. 
 
[ ♦*] 
 
 Prior. That was a poor Excufe indeed ; for a 
 coniiderable Number of generous Subfcriptions, 
 wou’d greatly relieve the Wants and. Diftrcfles of 
 Ireland. 
 
 Swift. No more than a few Showers of Rain, 
 wou’d quench the Conflagration, if the Pyrenees with 
 all their Forefts were on Fire, as we Read they once 
 were. All the Dublin Society did, was to Ihew what 
 we wanted, and to fet an Example,, of what might 
 be done, to help our dreadful Ailments: But you 
 might as well expert to work Miracles, and to feed 
 Thoufands, like our Saviour, with a few Loaves, as to 
 retrieve a Nation, by throwing a few Widow’s Mites 
 into the Treafury. It is true, Nations, with their many 
 Hands, make light Work; but where can the Power 
 be found, to animate and employ Millions, but in the 
 Omnipotence of him who made them, or the force 
 and weight of Monarchs, (the Reprefentatives of 
 Heaven) who Rule and Govern them. All you and 
 your Society cou’d do, was to fhew you underftood 
 the milerable Condition of Ireland , and to manifeft 
 your iincere defire to aflifl: with fome Care and Judgr 
 ment in the Cure ; but you cou’d as well remove 
 Mountains by your Faith, as the Ills we groaned un¬ 
 der, by fo adequate a Remedy, as your jmpoverifh’d 
 {tinted Fund.. 
 
 Prior. Why you will make me lofe all Patience, 
 Mr. Dean! Do you think becaufe I have laid afide 
 Fleh and Blood, that I can bear any Thing ? Did 
 nqillay before you, along delightful Account, of ah 
 
[ 43 ] 
 
 moft infinite Services which the Society did Ireland, 
 in improving old Manufa&ures, or introducing new 
 Ones ; in advancing our Hufbandry, in encouraging 
 every Art and every Branch of Induftry ? As I am 
 now a truly rational thinking Creature, I wou’d not 
 willingly lofe my Temper, but I folemnly declare, 
 that the Rules the Society prefcrib’d, and the Labours 
 they fet on Foot, the Fields which they fow’d or they 
 planted, the Houfes they got Built, the Rivers they 
 bank’d in, the Bogs which they drain’d, the Marlhes 
 they laid dry, and the Lands they gain’d from the 
 Ocean, have alter’d the very Nature and Face of the 
 •Country, and chang’d even _the Air and the Climate 
 for the better! 
 
 Swift. Stuff, Nonfenfe, Madnefs! One wou'd 
 think you were alive ftill, Tom, by your furious flou- 
 rilhing on Nothing, or Trifles next to nothing. The 
 Nature and Face of the Country alter’d, and even the 
 Air and the Climate chang’d for the better ! Have 
 you a Mind to talk my Reafon away, or make a Jeffc 
 of my zeal for Truth ? This is the old way of pra¬ 
 ting and vaunting in Ireland , that ufed to make me, 
 and every Friend to it fick of fuch unmeaning Decla¬ 
 mations. We are fuch Fools as ever to be bragging 
 of our Soil and our Linens, our Wealth and our 
 Plenty, our Weather and our Climate, as if we ftrove 
 to bring over a greater Crowd of Englifb Refugees 
 hither. 
 
 Prior. Refugees! dear Dean, how can you in¬ 
 dulge fuch an Acrimony of speech ? That is not 
 only an invidious, but a farcaftical and barbarous Ex- 
 preffion. 
 
 Swift. 
 
Swift. Not a whit. I fpeak only of fuch as come 
 ;over to us, for their Love to Religion, for the hope 
 of Liberty of Confcience, whatever they believe, or 
 Preferments in the Church, whatever they Pradice, or 
 to avoid Perfecution from Men arm’d with Power 
 and the Laws, the Rapacioufnefs of Creditors, and 
 •the Infolence of Sheriffs and Bailiffs, and to live at 
 peace here, with quiet Minds and eafy Circum- 
 ftances. This is a true Notion of a Refugee, and I 
 .think fuch People come over faft enough without 
 fuch oftentatious Proclamations to give them new 
 Encouragements : My Conduit always took a diffe¬ 
 rent Turn, and if I had liv’d a little longer, Iliad 
 wrote a Treatife to prove Ireland, the molt inhoipi- 
 table and barbarous of all habitable Iflands, and the 
 very Pifs-pot of the Weftem World. I even made 
 it a Rule to rail at it all I could, to frighten fuch 
 People from coming hither, left hearing there was 
 Com in the Land, fhou’d invite them over to eat it 
 up, while we were kept Starving. You pretend to 
 take Offence at my Expreffions, but I fee plainly, 
 what vext you was, becaufe forfooth I refleded with 
 fome Spleen, on your little huekftering Society, 
 with its two-penny Rewards and three-penny Pre¬ 
 miums, for going any filly Errands you fent People 
 on j and fb in mere Contradidion you make them 
 reform our Heaven and our Earth, and mend our 
 very Climate and the Face of Nature. For my part 
 as to the Face of Nature and the Country, I know 
 no great Alterations, but the (having her Beard 
 clofe, and cutting down all her Woods, fo that we 
 now pay 40.000 /. per Annum for imported Timber, 
 Whe 
 
!('«' ) 
 
 When I was an Inhabitant of this lower World, I 
 remember I lov’d the Country well enough in the 
 Summer Seafon; but I cou’d not bear to fperid much 
 Timein it,' as I never cou’d Walk or ride in a Angle 
 Field,- that did not put me in a Pafllon, either to fee 
 it as wild as ever Nature left it after the Mud of the 
 Deluge; or at leaft not fo much improv’d as it might 
 be, if the Owner had common Senfe or common 
 Induftry. What ever enrag’d me moll: was, that tho’. 
 fuch Fellows I knew by Experience, wou’d venture 
 their Limbs or their Necks for a Guinea, yet they 
 had not the Skill to make Five Pounds more of their 
 Ground than they got by.it, tho’ a little Labour and 
 Art wou’d have done the Thing. When I look’d on 
 my Airings on the wild Waites of rich Lands un¬ 
 built and untill’d, I figh’d for the want of Houfes 
 and Tenements, of Welders and Plows; and when 
 after ten Miles riding, I found fome lame Attempts 
 after fuch Things, I was ftill more vex’d to fee our 
 Cabbins, and what we call’d our Corn Grounds, no 
 more refembling the Buildings and Tillage of Eng¬ 
 land, than an Ape does a Man. I really don’t ex¬ 
 pert that Ireland will ever be properly improv’d, till 
 the Millennium makes the whole .Earth a Paradife ; 
 and then after a long Struggle between Heaven and 
 Nature, we may chance to come in for a lhare ; tho’ 
 at prefent Heaven is fo little minded here, as to 
 Churches or Chapels, or national Piety, that I 
 don’t wonder to fee the Land running into a De¬ 
 fart every Hour, fill’d with Bealls and a few 
 Savages. 
 
 Prior. 
 
Prior. I fee, Bean, you have not forgot your old 
 way of thinking and fpeaking. It is well there is no 
 Pen and Ink, or Printing allow’d under Ground j 
 or elfe we Ihou’d have old work below Stairs- 
 
 Sub Terris tonmiffe putts —- 
 As the witty Claflick exprefles it. 
 
 Swift. If there was, I wou’d raife a little Earth¬ 
 quake yet in this Kingdom. But I have not forgot, 
 Tom, nor I cannot yet forgive your ftrange Rant of 
 improving the very Climate in Ireland. If it was, 
 I wou’d not curfeit, as Harry the Eighth’s Fool did 
 the fine Weather, for taking all the good Company 
 abroad from him, but I Ihou’d rail at it and you for 
 another Caufe; for fear of bringing us better Com¬ 
 pany than I defire in Ireland. I muft confefs honeftly, 
 that our Winter begins very late, and hardly ap¬ 
 pears till about the End of December , and is gone be¬ 
 fore the beginning of February. But then it muft be 
 own’d, that we have but very little Spring, unlefs 
 it be of Grals and Weeds ; and that our Autumn lafts 
 but very few Weeks, without any Harveft to gather 
 in, but a little pittance of Corn and fome half made 
 Hay '; and as for our Summers (as we call them) 
 they come as it were by Chance, now and then one, 
 when Spain and Italy have done with them. Nay, 
 even then, we only get them, as Servants do their 
 furfeited Matters broken Meals ; half hot, half cold, 
 in little Scraps and Morfels that do us no Good. 
 In fhort, Tom , a Summer in Ireland when it wanders 
 thither, 
 
( +7 ) 
 
 thither, is of as little Service as fair Weather in 
 Greenland, where nothing is the better for it, but 
 vaft Swamps and Savannahs, and a wild wafle of 
 Plains and Mountains, a few rational Brutes that 
 dwell in Caves and Holes of the Rocks, and a par¬ 
 cel of Hares and Deers, which they live tollerably 
 on, while they have Light enough to hunt them. 
 And to talk of mending our Climate, where nothing 
 but a general Conflagration can dry the Land, or 
 purge the Dampnefs of our unelaftick Air, is as 
 abfurd as the Philofophers Sun-dial in the Grave. 
 Ah, lom, I was always a very Atmofpherical Crea¬ 
 ture; and often have the Rains of Ireland funk 
 my Spirits, and made me envy thofe happy Climates, 
 where the Natives toaft in the Sunfhine, till they 
 almoft grow tir’d of it, and rejoice for Rain and 
 bad Weather, like fo many Hackney Coachmen. 
 
 But as I hope you have done with all your mighty 
 Reafons, for thinking Ireland on the mending hand, 
 I expedt you will indulge me now, while I give you 
 piine, why I think her in a very dangerous declining 
 Situation. 
 
 Prior. With all my Heart, provided you will 
 allow me the Priviledge of a free Conference, and 
 bear with my oppofmg, whatever 1 think is wrong 
 in your Aflertions, and let me canvafs your Opinions 
 where I want Information or Proofs. I came to call 
 on you, in order to Talk over all that I thought dan¬ 
 gerous or diftrefsful, in our prefent Circumftances 
 and our future Profpefts ; and to confider what hope 
 we can {trike out of Relief or Comfort, for this ne- 
 gledted People and Country; and I promife before 
 hand. 
 
[ 4 «] 
 
 fend, I [fell not contradict you in. any Thing, where 
 you do not force me to it, by aa over-fearing Zeal, 
 or a querulous Temper. 
 
 Swift. A fair Preliminary, to which I readily 
 Subfcribe. Now the firft Reafon, Tow, why I have 
 uneafy fears for our Country, and for my having little 
 Expectation of mending her Circumftances is, the 
 utter abfence of all Induftry and Frugality among us. 
 There is no other Remedy for a thoughtlefs Nation, 
 which gets 'little or nothing from others, but faving 
 all it can ; and being frugal in proportion to its Indo¬ 
 lence and Poverty. This is a felf-evident Truth, and 
 yet our Nobility and Gentry fpend in Vanity and 
 Luxury, treble as much as Men of twice their For¬ 
 tune in England , tho’ they do not half the Good 
 among their Tenants, and neither fpend half the 
 Time or Money with them, or take half the pains 
 to improve them, while they every Year encreafe their 
 Rents, and our Beggars: ’Tis difmal to make the 
 poor Tenant give the full Tale of Brick, tho’ we 
 give them no Straw, and that we ftarve them, by 
 fending our Money abroad for foreign Commodities, 
 to feed our Extravagance, and gratify our Madnels 
 for importing Fopperies ; tho’ we hurt our Families 
 for the prefent, and rain our Poor for ever, who dare 
 not fetup Manufactures they know will not be worn. 
 Surely in a Kingdom where no body looks to his own 
 Affairs, as they are connected with the Publick, ’tis 
 Time the Publick fhou’d look to every Bodies. What 
 a melancholy ProfpeCt is it, to fee fine Cloaths, fine 
 Equipages, fine Race Horfes, fine Laces, fine Difhes, 
 deep Play and deep Drinking, the Glory and delight 
 of 
 
C 49 1 
 
 of our People of Fafhion; and Eafe, and Sloth, and 
 Sleep, and Potatoes, the chief Joy of our Lifelcfs ne- 
 gledted Natives. Is not fuch a Nation like a Ship 
 let on Fire on one end, and finking by a thoufand 
 Shot-holes and Leaks at the other ? If we were a 
 little frugal, we might the better bear the Lofs we 
 undergo by ourldlenefs and Inactivity ; but when our 
 Gentlemen facrifice fo much to their Pleafures, and 
 our Ladies to their Finery, both, which they wifely 
 feek for from foreign Productions, we muft be undone 
 unlefs we prevent our Deftruction, by refolving to 
 
 Work and be bufy. There is no Alternative-, 
 
 one of thefe two Things we muft do; we muft either 
 be lefs Mad for the Manufactures and Products of 
 other Nations, or we muft enlarge our Induftry, and 
 make Reprifals thereby on our Neighbours, in order 
 to keep our People alive and eafy while they are 
 Living. Poffibly I may have laid this before, T ww, 
 and probably I lhall fay it again, for a full Heart and 
 a troubled Mind, is apt to deal in Repetitions, when 
 they grow almoft defperate, and fee little hope of a 
 Change for the better. 
 
 Prior. Dear Dean, I own I (hou’d be glad to con¬ 
 tradict you, as to thefe difmal Reprefentations of 
 Things ; but I have learn’d fince I left a falfe World, 
 to love Truth, tho’ it be ever fo ftrong againft us, 
 or puts us and our Actions in ever fo bad a Light. 
 It is too certain Induftry and Frugality are the two 
 great Sources of Prolperity in all Nations; and it is 
 a mortifying Reflection to confider what a miferable 
 Share we have in either of them here. ’Tis as cer¬ 
 tain if we be Frugal and Induftrious, we mud be 
 E eafy 
 
[ 5 ° ] 
 
 eafv and happy, as that we mull: be wretched and 
 miferable, if we continue our Love to; Expence and 
 our hatred to Labour. Nay Frugality and Wealth* 
 which is the Confcquence of it, will not do, unlefs we 
 are dTigent Workers too ; for Spain is a Proof, and fo 
 is Portugal, that even Hoards of Money will not enrich 
 a Nation, unlefs their Gold is ufed to promote Induf- 
 try among the meaner Sort, and to raife their 
 Thoughts above Sleep, and Rags, and Dirt, and 
 Inactivity. 
 
 Swift. Very true, Tom , and indeed one wou’d 
 hope unlefs Heaven has irrecoverably doom’d us to 
 Deftruction, there are fufficient Remains of common 
 Senfeand Honefty left among our Countrymen, to 
 new form, our Manners in thefe Regards, and improve 
 their ways of Thinking and Adting. In fuch Cafe, 
 they may in two ®r three Centuries learn to believe. 
 Frugality and Induftry, Arts and Manufadtures worth 
 encouraging, and their Luxury and Debauchery, and 
 an utter Abfence of all Regard to the Publick, worth 
 Reforming. It is a fhocking Truth to fay all this 
 wou’d be done, if Men wou’d but own themfelves 
 ■oblig’d, and wou’d therefore refolve to behave, like 
 reafonable Creatures: And yet this is a Point as hard 
 to bring about, as if we were arguing with Hottentots, 
 and perfaading Tartars to forbear publick Plunders, 
 and to have fome regard to Right and Wrong, and 
 the real Happinefs and Milery of themfelves and 
 their Pofterity. 
 
 Prior. I agree with you entirely, Mr. Dean, 
 and indeed if we cou’d cure our national -Ailments 
 by 
 
[ 5 ' ] 
 
 by Writing and Speaking, as People who profefs 
 removing Diforders, by Words and Charms, what 
 you and I and fome others have Publifh’d, might 
 have done the Work : But alas ! preffing Induftry and 
 Frugality on many of our People, who have been 
 train’d up to Sloth and Squandering, is but f of equal 
 Efficacy with preaching up Temperance to Sots, or 
 Cleanlinels to Negroes, when their Habits and Vices 
 are all againft you. The Church of Rome has 
 plac’d Purgatory in the North-Welt of Ireland, 
 which was then one of the remotell wildeft Parts of 
 the Earth ; and tho’ I have reafon to believe, they 
 now Wilh, they had removed it fomething more out 
 of View, yeti amfure there is no Part of the Globe, 
 fo fit a Purgatory for Sloth as Ireland, or where 
 People fo generally pay St. Paul's Penalty for not 
 Working, by not Eating; 
 
 Swift. If due Care was taken,' this natural Su- 
 pinenefs of our lower People, might be foon turn’d into 
 Activity and Vivacity, by letting them fee and feel 
 the Sweets of Labour, and convincing them by Fad 
 and Experience, that when once the Poor are made 
 induftrious, they turn all they Touch to Gold, like 
 Midas 's Fingers of famous Memory. As to our 
 ileepy Countrymen, I cannot but fay that it is a Pity, 
 where Men are commanded to give one Day of the 
 Week, to doing nothing but Ads of Piety, they 
 don’t regard the other Part of the Law, and labour 
 the other Six. This at leaft Ihou’d be the Magiftrates, 
 and the human Legiflator’s Bufinefs ; but really 
 there is no Law made, nor Care taken about it, but 
 every Body overlooks this plain neglected Truth, 
 E 2 that 
 
[ 5 ^ 1 
 
 that Men ought to be as accountable to the Maglf- 
 trate, for their Time as their Actions, and as punifh- 
 able for wafting it. But our Irijb feem actually to 
 have miftaken the divine Commandment, and it is 
 well their Priefts did not leave it out of the Decalogue, 
 as they did the Second. They manage, as if they 
 thought God had bid them be idle fix Days of the 
 Week, and Work but one, and very moderately on 
 that one. I have often met in Authors, and think 
 the Aflertion true, that the very Genius of the Popilh 
 Religion indifpofes Men to Labour; as we fee by their 
 numerous Holidays,Feafts and Falls : All which are di¬ 
 rect Enemies to Toil and Handy-craft, and make the 
 returns to Work difagreeable. It is undoubted that 
 the Proteftants out Trade and out Work the Papifts; 
 they have (as all obferve) fewer Beggars, they have 
 fewer Drains from their Induftry, by thofe who deep 
 away their Lives in Colleges and Nunneries-, they 
 maintain a much fmaller Number of fecular Priefts, 
 and even to thofe, they do not prohibit Marriage, 
 and to fay no more at prefent, thofe lazy Drones the 
 Friars of fo many different Orders, are Cankers and 
 Confumptions quite unknown to their Conftitution. 
 In moftProteftant Countries, more than ordinary At¬ 
 tention, for good political Reafons, has been given 
 to this great Point. In Holland a\\ are employ’d, even 
 the lettred World deal in Traffiick and are Merchants; 
 nay tile Deaf, the Lame, the Blind, the Dumb, 
 and the very Dead Work. 
 
 Prior. The Dead Work! That is a Flight extra¬ 
 ordinary fure, Mr. Dean, and I muft call on you to 
 retract that Miftake. 
 
 Swift. 
 
Swift. Not at all ; for tho* that Truth is a little 
 incomprehenfible in Ireland, where we have no fuch 
 Incitements, m Holland the Statues and Monuments 
 of their ufeful and induftrious Citizens, and the Epi¬ 
 taphs and Praifes on them, prompt and inflame the 
 living to emulate them, and pu(h on their Virtue to 
 excell, in every Art, and open every Road to Profit 
 and to Glory. When I was throwing away (like 
 other People) my Thoughts and my Time above 
 Ground, I uled often to think on thefe Matters; 
 and I fear to as little Purpofe as we talk of them now. 
 However I muft fay, Tom, that tho’ if our rich Peo¬ 
 ple would think and grow Managers, and our Poor 
 wou’d Work, and keep their Hands and their Chil¬ 
 dren bufy, nine tenths of our Evils wou’d be remov’d, 
 yet I am convinc’d, neither of thefe important Points 
 will be minded, till we are forc’d to get better No¬ 
 tions of Things, by feeing the Nation ruin’d by the 
 want of them, as often as a Boy at School is whipt 
 for playing the Truant, before he will mend. 
 
 Prior. Ruin is as terrible a Remedy, as a deadly 
 Sicknefs is a Reformer ; and I had rather hope that 
 fumptuary Laws againft Drefs, Racing, Gaming, 
 &c. if we were Wife enough to make them, and 
 amendable enough to mind them when made, wou’d 
 do our Bufinefs much better. ’Tis a Misfortune for 
 Ireland , that our Spendthrifts fo often run out their 
 Lives and their Eftates together, and fo their Ex¬ 
 amples are loft on us ; for I ever thought it a Pity, 
 they ftiou’d not live forty or fifty Years in beggary, 
 their own Lives are fuch a Torment to them, and 
 
[ 5 +] 
 
 they become thereby fuch fine Scare-crows, to our 
 young unthinking Squanderers, when they fee them 
 all the while, Handing as it were in a kind of Pillory. 
 Nothing keeps the Dutch fo frugal as their Loads of 
 high Taxes, for fome good Author, (and I think 
 ’tis your old Friend Sir William Temple) tells us, one 
 cannot have a Dilh of well drefled Fifh at a Tavern 
 in Holland, without paying near thirty Gabels for it, 
 "W'e want fome Remedy for our Extravagancies of 
 all Kinds greatly, but this is fo (hocking a one, that 
 one wou’d hope the very fear of it might cure us, 
 as fome Men have renounc’d their Intemperance, by ■ 
 their dread of the Gout and the Doftor. Without 
 fome fuch helps, our fine Gentlemen feem not in¬ 
 clined to learn or confider, that we (hou’d fave im- 
 rnenfe Sums to our Country, if we eat Corn of our 
 own fowing, drunk home-made Wines of our own 
 Brewing, fed on Fifh of our own catching, burn’d 
 Coals of our own raifing, and wore no Cloaths that 
 were not of our own manufacturing. If they were 
 once convinced of this, good Effedts wou’d follow, 
 and we fhou’d foon acknowledge that it is barely owing 
 to our own Extravagance, Thoughtlefhefs, Sleepi- 
 nefs, Drunkennefs and Vanity, that we don’t, with one 
 Voice, condemn and renounce fuch evident Errors, 
 in our national Conduft, and fix on their Remedies. 
 
 Swift. This Tom, is merely dreaming of a pub- 
 lick Cure for an epidemical Diftemper, as Curtins 
 fays Ptolemy did; but we ihou’d not only get our 
 Gentlemen, to think for the Nation and themfelves; 
 for we want fevere Laws to cure the Lazinefs and 
 Indolence of our lower People. As Idienefs is the. 
 
 great 
 
[ 55 ] 
 
 great Source of Theft, picking and filching, 
 the natural Punilhment of at leaft all fmaller Crimi¬ 
 nals, feems to be hard Labour for Life, or Years. 
 We fee in France and Sj>ain they man their Gallies 
 this way, and in Sweden and Denmark • they employ 
 them in their publick Works, and chiefly about their 
 Shipping and their Docks. No Punifhment cou’d be 
 more terrifying to an Irijhman, who we generally 
 think is averfe to Labour ; none cou’d be more ufe- 
 ful to our diftrefled Land, where we lofe more People 
 by doing Nothing, than are deftroy’d by the Wars 
 and Conquefts, the Voyages and Traffick of other 
 Kingdoms. On this Account we lhou’d take Care, 
 that Idlers, Beggars and vagabond Strollers, fhou’d 
 be treated with the Sharped: Rigour, as they do not 
 only deny to aflift their Country by their honeft En¬ 
 deavours, but live like Drones on the Spoil of the 
 Induftrious. It (hou’d be a Maxim in every well 
 governed State, but efpecially in Ireland , that Idle- 
 nefs Ihou’d be as feverely punilh’d as petty Larceny ; 
 and to beg with an Ability to Work, Ihou’d be re¬ 
 garded and treated as a Kind of training up Youth 
 for Stealing, (when they have learn’d the proper 
 Cant and Tricks of their . Apprenticefhip) and con? 
 fequently to relieve a Vagabond, Ihou’d be as faulty 
 and as corrigible as receiving ftolen Goods. The 
 proper Place for the Relief of fturdy Beggars, is a 
 good County Work-houfe, where the Labours of fuch 
 Vagabonds (and indeed of all Criminals till they are 
 Tried and Difcharg’d ) fhou’d go to the Maintainance 
 of fuch Poor, who are utterly incapable of Work, 
 and whofe Parifhes can’t fupport them. 
 
 E 4 
 
 Prior. 
 
[ 56 ] 
 
 Prior. I am quite in your way of Thinking on this 
 Subjed, Mr. Bean, 1 remember Doftor Bqfire in 
 his Life of Bifhop Cofin, tells us that in feveral Years 
 Travels in Turky and Holland, he never once met a Man 
 who alk’d him an Alms; fo that here we fee the Wif- 
 dom of the State may have the fame Effect; with the 
 Laws of God among the Jews, which prohibited any 
 Beggar to be a Burthen, or a Difgrace to their Tribes. 
 Charity to Vagabonds is Cruelty to the State, which 
 is interefted as the Civil Law, and our own Statutes 
 fpeak, that every Member of the Community, fhould 
 ufe his Labour and his Subftance, to the beft Advan- 
 vantage. Every Stroller or Vagabond is a Lofs to the 
 Kingdom, and is little better than a licenc’d Plunderer 
 of our People, and every fuch Perfon, is really a 
 living Inftance of Negleft or Ignorance in thofe, 
 who fhou’d give us by Law a proper Power and 
 Place, to force him to earn his Bread by his Hands. 
 Whoever has Health and wants Food, Ihou’d be 
 oblig’d to Work one way or other, for if 
 Idlenels was always punifh’d by our Statutes with 
 fevere Labour, as furely as Felony is by Death, it 
 would then like Thieving be confin’d to the Night, 
 and we fljou’d be at leaft good Day Labourers. The 
 -Strength of the political Body, depends as much on 
 its Members being properly exercifed, as that of the 
 natural, and on the NegleA of it, infinite Diforders 
 follow. But alas, Dean, this is not enough attended 
 to in Ireland, or we fhou’d have Work-Houles in 
 every County, but we have the peculiar Misfortune 
 of having this dreadful Mixture in our Circumftances; 
 that we have all the Vices, Extravagancies, and Lux¬ 
 ury 
 
ury of a rich Nation, with all the Wants, the Dif- 
 trefles and Defpair of a poor one. If once our Gen¬ 
 try and Nobility wou’d fet us fair Examples of Fru¬ 
 gality and A&ivity, we fhou’d foon reform, but alas! 
 great Eftates, ns we ufe them, feem defign’d for little 
 elfe but the Triflers of the World, and the wretched 
 Fashions, Fopperies and Fooleries, they are generally 
 thrown away on. However it is certain, Providence 
 appointed them for nobler Purpofes, and it were to 
 be wifh’d the prefent Stewards of them (for they are 
 evidently nothing more) wou’d ferioufly confider this, 
 that they may be able to give the Beftower a better 
 Account of them. 
 
 Swift. I was faying fo every Day, for the laft fifty 
 Years of my Slavery among Men, and all to no 
 Purpofe ! But there is another Matter that makes me 
 fear for the Welfare of Ireland , and that is the want 
 of proper Manufactures being fet up there. I fee 
 Fom, you are ready to bawl out to me, the Irijb 
 Cambricks, the Irijh Linens, but alas ! even as to 
 them I am forry to fay, they wou’d do Great Britain 
 and Ireland twice the Service, if they were doubly en¬ 
 couraged,'and not left to creep to thofe Provinces* 
 where they might go with a brifker Progrefs, if the 
 Funds of the Truftees were enlarg’d, or their Pre*- 
 miums more happily applied. But I leave that, font , 
 to Time and the Legiflature, for the Manufactures 
 which I lament the want of, are thofe which enrich 
 France, Germany and Holland ; fuch as thofe oF 
 Brafs, Tin, Copper, Lead and Iron Work, in all 
 their amazing Species ; thofe of Glafs, Tapeftry, 
 Hats, Silk, Leather, Paper, Pins, 'Needles, Lace, 
 Earthen- 
 
Earthen-Ware, and Numbers of others, of which 
 our own Ifland can largely fupply the Materials, if we 
 wou’d make ufe of them. Whether it proceeds 
 from our Ignorance or our Poverty, our before men¬ 
 tioned Lazinefs, or want of Capacity I cannot fay ; 
 but Arts and Manufactures feem to be difcourag’d fo 
 remarkably, in this unthinking and unthought of 
 Illand, as if we wou’d fain obtain the Name, 
 of Omnium bonarum Artium noverca, formerly as 
 I Temember given to Scythia. Even thofe few 
 Attempts we make to deferve well in fome of 
 them, are brow-beaten or neglefted by our People of 
 Fafhion. This is a Complaint I muft often make, 
 and can never be too often repeated in their Ears, as 
 without their Help no Workmen, how induftrious fo- 
 ever, can thrive. ’Tis miferable that our polite People, 
 will not be content to Ruin their own Families by their 
 extravagant Finery, but their Country too, and all 
 who'dare endeavour to exert a little Induftry in home 
 Manufactures. Surely the Wearers of all Foreign 
 Goods, and efpecially the Fair Sex, do not believe, or 
 do not confider, that they deliberately ftarve their own 
 poor Countrymen and their Families, by making 
 them Work in vain. They lhou’d in Pity, in Gene- 
 rofity, in Juftice reflect, that fince we are not allowed 
 to Export our Silk and Wollen Goods abroad, the 
 lead that every Friend to Ireland can do, is to encou¬ 
 rage them fo far, as to wear them at Home, tho’ they 
 do not quite come up to thofe that are Imported to ns. 
 The’ we are terribly impoverilh’d by this fondnefs for 
 Goods which other Nations fend us, it is Hill fome 
 Comfort, 
 
Comfort, that there is no Law to force us to it as yet, 
 and that the whole of this dreadful Ruin, is ground¬ 
 ed on our own Humours, which a little thinking, 
 fome Charity, and a general Poverty, may remove 
 in Time. I know no reafon, why a Thoufand beauti¬ 
 ful Faces I have feen in Ireland, Ihou’d defire to look 
 lovelier than Nature, and the Produce of their native 
 Kingdom can make them : And for our Gentlemen 
 (if they are Gentlemen) they fhou’d take a Pride in 
 wearing nothing but what is wrought in Iri[h Looms, 
 and make it a Cafe of Confcience, like Archbilhop 
 King , Bilhop Berkeley, and Crowds of Patriots I cou’d 
 Name, to be cloathed by our own People. The 
 Dutch I am told, have lately iflued a Placart,forbidding 
 all their Subjects (excepting Day-Labourers] who are 
 too poor to trangrefs it) to Wear any Silk or Woollen, 
 Goods not Fabricated in their Provinces. Thegreateft 
 Perfonages are reftrain’d herein by fevere Penalties,, 
 and tho’ we cannot make fuch a Law, (nor perhaps, 
 fliou’d not defire it in Refped to one Country at leaft) 
 yet certainly we Ihou’d form general Refolutions, and 
 try to Eftablilh an univerfal Cuftom (which is equal 
 to any Law) of Feeding and Encouraging our own 
 Workmen and Tradefmen. 
 
 Prior. Laws, Mr. Dean, are not fo much want¬ 
 ing, as the Will to favour our own Goods, and our 
 own People ; and furely as you obferve, all who 
 pleafe, may determine in their feveral Families, to 
 ufe the Produce of our Irijh Looms; and in the mean 
 Time I cannot but make this fad Refledion, that if 
 Induftryand Labour be the great Standard of Value 
 in molt Things, what (under fuch Difcouragements) 
 
c4n our unemploy’d Country be worth, which except 
 our Linens, fends abroad all the Materials for Labour 
 toothers, and lies abed like a Spaniard, burning 
 Day-Light, and proud of doing Nothing. 
 
 Swift. I remember to have Read, when I ufed 
 to lofe Time upon Men and Books, that among the 
 Turks, every Man of them learns iome Trade or 
 other. This Falhion they probably borrow’d from 
 the Jews, who made it a Maxim, that he who does 
 not give his Son a Trade, teaches him to be a Thief •; 
 And yet till our Proteftants Taught the Irijb better 
 Manners, a Trade was as feldom leam’d as a Pfalter. 
 It is true of late Years this Folly has been pretty much 
 fubdued, and Numbers of our Natives have diftin- 
 guifh’d themfelves, by their Skill in different Arts 
 and Handicrafts, but till this Humour wears off, of 
 flighting whatever is wrought at Home, it were bet¬ 
 ter they had leam’d to Faft than to Work. We keep 
 Crowds of our Artificers naked who well-deferve to 
 be cloathed ; many are as ill hutted as fo many 
 Greenlanders or Ruffian Peafants, who ought to be 
 well houfed, if any one thought them worth taking 
 Care of and Encouraging. But what is (till more 
 unhappy, Thoufands of them are forced for fear of 
 jails and Beggary, to run from us to wifer Countries, 
 where they and their Arts are well receiv’d and 
 favour’d by our Enemies or Rivals, whofe Induftry 
 and Exports they Encreafe, and thereby help to 
 Starve the Friends they have forfaken. One wou’d 
 expect common Charity to them and ourfelves, and 
 common Senle in conducing our general Interefts, 
 vou'd not onlv have remov’d this main Obftacle to the 
 
Profperity of Ireland, but wou’d alfo put us on fetting 
 up all Kinds of new Manufactures, which we ftill 
 want; let it colt us ever fo much for fetlingthem here, 
 and Nurfing them till they get Strength, to Ihift for 
 themfelves. It is certain the Publick can hardly pay 
 too dear for fuch improveable Purchafes, for unquef- 
 tionably where the Advantages are fo confiderable, 
 laving in fuch Cafes is meannels and madnels. 
 
 Prior, You are ever Tolling the palling Bell of 
 Ireland, and yet my fears that there is too much Rea- 
 fon for all you advance, keep me from oppofmg you ; 
 when you cenfure the Stupidity of our Management, 
 in regard of every Meafure that can hurt us or ferve us. 
 
 I fpent half my Life in exclaiming in the fame Man¬ 
 ner, and I might as well have fpoke to the Inhabitants 
 of thefe Tombftones. There is one Particular, 
 which with Grief I muft add to all your Complaints, 
 and it is a very difcouraging one as to any Hopes of 
 our Recovery, namely, that this Ifland is made up 
 of two of the moll unhappy Mixtures a Kingdom can 
 confift of, a Multitude of Gentlemen and Beggars. 
 The firft have not Time from their Pleafures, and 
 their own petty Interefts, to think of ferving us, and 
 the others cannot either ferve themfelves or us, with¬ 
 out Wages, Food or Raiment, which they cannot get, 
 unlefs we allow them to Purchafe them by their La¬ 
 bours. In fliort, Mr. Dean, while our Ladies fcorn 
 to wear any Thing that is Irijb, and our Gentlemen 
 pride themfelves who (hall Drink moft French Wine ; 
 they both Teach their Inferiors the fame dreadful 
 Folly, and make them join to enrich their Enemies, 
 Beggar their own Workmen, exalt France, and fink 
 Ireland, 
 
Ireland, and drive every Creature that has Genius or 
 Induftryout of it, to Places as we obferved before, 
 where they can hope to get the Neceffaries of Life by 
 
 heir Induftry. 
 
 . Swift. Your mentioning French Wine, Tom , puts 
 me in Mind of another terrible Remora, to the Prof- 
 perity of this unfortunate unthinking Country. I 
 have often thought if Ireland had never been allow¬ 
 ed to import Foreign Wines, and we had learn’d to 
 Content ourfelves, with drinking our own Ale, Beer, 
 Mead and Cyder, and uled no other Spirituous Li¬ 
 quors, we fhou’d have been the richeft, and the 
 honefteft, the healthieft, and the happieft Nation un¬ 
 der Heaven. It is a melancholy Thought, that poor 
 as we are, and wretched as the Circumftances of moft 
 of our Gentry are allowed to be, as to Debts and In¬ 
 cumbrances ; yet we actually Drink more French 
 Wine, than all England together, that is fo much 
 richer and abler. The Cafe is, few People drink 
 French Wine in England, but thofe who have very 
 large Eftates; Numbers who have a Thoufand per 
 Annum, feldom tailing it; but with us, every Crea¬ 
 ture, that has tolerable Cloaths upon his Back, and a 
 Guinea in his Pocket, drinks little elfe, tho’ he has 
 fcarce the Conveniences of Life for his Family. There 
 are fuch Multitudes that can’t relilh Life or their 
 Food without it, that one wou’d wonder how they can 
 all be provided with it. This Difficulty indeed was 
 foon remov’d; for I hear fuch Crowds now Trade in 
 it, that it is to be fear’d, if their Cuftomers this 
 Year do not make hafte to take it off their Hands, it 
 grows 
 
grows fo foul, they muft Drink it themfelves, or they 
 muft fell it at laft for Vinegar. 
 
 Prior. I have heard from fome Ghofts, who died 
 of the laft Vintage, that '(to the Infamy of the Year 
 1753, be it remembered) 8000 Ton of Wine was 
 imported into this Kingdom from France ; to the 
 dreadful Drain of our ready Calh, the encreafe of the 
 general Poverty of our People, and the' Mifery of all 
 who Labour and cannot Eat. Allow me to obferve 
 here, Mr. Dean, that the Cbinefe feem to know us 
 well, who fend us not only their Teas, but alfo Cups 
 to Drink it out of; and I have often wondered that 
 the French , don’t fend us Bottles and Glades with 
 their Wines, as we have not Induftry enough to make 
 them ; tho’ the very Bottles for 8000 Ton are com¬ 
 puted to coft us 67000 1 . It is dreadful to look over 
 fuch Scenes of Deftrudion, and much more fo to 
 know they are remedilefs, while our People thus 
 court France to undo them, by fending for fuch vaft 
 Quantities of her Claret, at the fame Time I hear 
 it is pleaded in behalf of the Importers, that they 
 never were guilty of fuch a Fault before. 
 
 Swift. A pretty Defence truly, and yet as this 
 was the Excufe of Balaam’s Afs to his Matter, one 
 wou’d think none but an Afs wou’d plead it, and I 
 will venture to fay, they had better Change it for a 
 folemn Vow, never to be guilty of fuch a Folly again. 
 However if they did take fuch a Refolution, I wou’d 
 not advife them to enter into Bonds, for the Perfor¬ 
 mance of that Engagement j for I fear they wou’d 
 forfeit them, tho’ the Nation was to be Bankrupt by 
 
[ 64 ] 
 
 it, as in all probability, if we continue to tun down 
 fuch Quantities of this deftruftive Liquor, itmuftfoon 
 be. For my part, when I think of this national 
 Madnels, in drinking Oceans of French Wine, I know 
 not how to account for fuch prodigious Extravagance, 
 in fuch ruinous Circumftances. We fecm to live the 
 falter, for being in a deep Decay, as Clocks have a 
 quicker Motion, the nearer they are to being run 
 down. ’Tis an hard Cafe, that evident right reafon 
 can’t Influence a Nation, and that there is a Neceflity 
 for a Majority of right Reafoners, to make thinking 
 Creatures (as we are commonly called) aft as their 
 Intereft and Happinefs demand. When once that for¬ 
 tunate Majority is gain’d, between wife Laws and 
 good Cuftoms, People take up general Maxims and 
 Manners, that direft their Conduft, and form both 
 their private and publick Behaviour, fo as to conduce 
 to the good of the Whole, and the well Being of each 
 Individual. But alas ! Tom , in Ireland , we neither 
 think, or aft for ourfelves or the Publick, nor feem to 
 have any Syftem of Rules, for managing our Eftates 
 or our Country ; but we live in an extempore Me¬ 
 thod, and as Time ferves, and Accidents happen, we 
 Conduft ourfelves. When we are familh’d we think 
 of Bread, when frozen to Death, of Coals and Fire, 
 and when we grow uneafy with the Thoughts of all 
 our Mifmanagements, Madnefs and Follies, a large 
 Dofe of Wine (a Hair of the very fame Dog) relieves 
 all our Griefs over Night, and we rife as Wife and as 
 Provident as ever in the Morning. As to the King¬ 
 dom itlelf, we make fuch hafte to get it undone, as 
 if we fear’d it wou’d not be ruin’d Time enough i and 
 yet we may plead in Excufe, that particular Gentlemen 
 manage 
 
manage no better for themfelves, or their Families. 
 It is certain he is reckon’d no bad Manager, among 
 his neighbouring ’Squires, who can cleverly Have off 
 his Creditors, and keep .up his Port of living undif- 
 turb’d, till he can fell (I mean fettle) his Son, and 
 clear off his Incumbrances with the Wife’s Fortune. 
 
 Prior. A very true, and as fad an Account of 
 Things j and what inhances our Mifery is, that Francs 
 thrives by thus draining our vital Blood from us, as the 
 Phyficians in old Rome , made their decay’d Patients 
 fuftain themfelves, by fucking theftreaming Veins of 
 their poor Slaves. If we paid a moderate Price for 
 our Liquor, it were fomething, but the French raife 
 their Demands, in proportion to our Calls for it; and 
 our generous Importers, never endeavour to beat 
 them down, as they find they get the greater Gain, 
 the dearer they buy it; and our Gentlemen take up 
 the fame prudent way of Thinking, and never believe 
 themfelves fo generous, as when they drink Wines, 
 that their poorer Neighbours cannot Purchafe. The 
 prefent Fulnefs of the Treafury, vaftly beyond all for¬ 
 mer Years, Ihews how far our Madnefs is rifen ; for 
 this Folly of drinking away both our Eftates and 
 our Reafon, has feized like an epidemical Plague, on 
 all Ranks of Men among us. Even thofe of the 
 poorer Sort, from a noble Emulation of copying their 
 betters, drink as much Wine as they can; and 
 where their Purfes or their Credit will not reach fo 
 high, they muft have foreign Liquors, tho’ they be 
 only Mum or Cyder, Porter or Perry, and feem re- 
 folved to (hew they are as little afraid of a Jail, as 
 greater Perfons. 
 
 F 
 
 Swift. 
 
[ 66 ] 
 
 Swift. In other Nations the Nobility and Gentry, 
 think for the Commonalty, and govern their Man¬ 
 ners by the Laws they make, and the becoming Ex¬ 
 amples they fet them. But in this poor ill-ftarr’d 
 Ifland, they corrupt them by their falfe Splendour, by 
 their foreign Luxury, by defpifing Virtue, Religion 
 and Temperance, and as fall as they can drinking 
 themfelves out of the World, and finking their For¬ 
 tunes, in both which they are faithfully copied, by 
 their Inferiors- I have often thought while I was 
 among them, that if our Gentlemen were oblig’d by 
 Law, to give in Accounts to the Publick of their an¬ 
 nual Expences, as Children do to their Parents, in 
 order to have them regulated; what miferable Oecono- 
 mifts they wou’d appear to be, both for their own and 
 their Country’s Interells. The Article of Drinking is 
 grown fo immenfe,- and at the fame Time fo general, 
 that if fome Fence is not provided for it foon, this 
 Nation will be more in Danger from this Land-de¬ 
 vouring Flood, than the Dutch are from being over¬ 
 whelm’d by the Ocean. What imbitters thefe Re¬ 
 flections the more is, that tho’ all our Exports are the 
 very Neceflaries of Life, which we fend off to Feed 
 and Cloath other Nations, yet all our Imports, are 
 the meer Superfluities of Luxury and Vanity, that 
 keep our Natives naked and ftarv’d, and ruin the 
 Healths of thofe of the better Sort. I fay ruin the 
 Healths, for I believe, if you and I, Tern, were to 
 draw up a Lift; of all our Acquaintances, who have 
 died Martyrs to Wine and good Fellowfhip, it wou’d 
 look like a London Plague-Bill in 1 666. Pharaoh and 
 his Army wou’d appear but as an Handful to thofe I 
 cou’d 
 
[ 6/1 
 
 cou'd reckon up, within thefe laft fifty Years, that 
 have perilh’d in this red Sea of Claret; and what 
 Crowds are there, now creeping by this way alone, 
 into Stone and Gout, Rheumatifms, Palfies and 
 Dropfies ; after having by their Love of the Bottle, 
 exchang’d their Youth and their Strength, not for 
 a fhort and a merry Life, but a fliort and a miferable 
 one. 
 
 Prior. It is a terrible Thing to confider, if half 
 the Money paid for French Wine, was laid out in 
 Building and Planting here, what a Garden they 
 wou’dmakeof this whole Ifland ; and infteadof this, 
 they make the Bottle the Bufmefs of their Lives, 
 and facrifice to this noble Paffion, I will not fay their 
 Country, (for that no body minds) but their Healths 
 and their Fortunes as readily as their Reafon. It is 
 odd to me, Mr. Dean, if we muft ufe foreign Wines, 
 why we do not make thofe of Portugal, Spain, Italy 
 and Sicily, cheap by low Duties, and the French twice 
 as dear by high ones; for by this means, we cou’d 
 get Drunk with the Lofs of lefs Time, and Health, 
 and Money. If even fuch a Tax was laid on it, as 
 would make its Confumption lefs general, and hinder 
 the poorer part of our People, from being ruin’d by 
 the dreadful Affe&ation, of drinking like the Men 
 of Figure and Fafhion, it wou’d be an excellent Me¬ 
 thod ; and above all if the additional Taxes, were ap¬ 
 propriated to extend the Linen Manufacture thro’ the 
 Southern Provinces. This wou’d foon enrich us, and 
 impoverilh at the fame Time, the great Enemy to 
 therepofe of Europe for ’tisby her Wines and our 
 Money chiefly, that France has been enabled, to foar 
 F a towards 
 
[«.] 
 
 towards Univerfal Monarchy, and if this Feather was 
 pluck’d from her, fhe wou’d foon fhorten her Flights, 
 and droop her Wings. 
 
 Swift. You think extravagantly and wildly! You 
 cheat yourfelf like moft Projectors, with your own 
 Dreams, and your Expectations are fuited only to Ci¬ 
 tizens, who live and aCt, Tanquam in Republica Pla- 
 tonis. Can you be fo abfurd as to hope, that Men in 
 thefeDays, and in Manners like ours, fhou’d liften to 
 Reafbn ; and think our own Beer, Ale, Cyder, Mead 
 and home Wines, fitteft and beft for themfelves, their 
 Friends and their Families ? Can you imagine that this 
 Age of Intemperance and Luxury, will think a while 
 of thefe important Truths, inftead of pleafing their 
 Palates, and driving off that heavy Load, their Time, 
 with the Roar of Jollity and Riot ? Is it to be ex. 
 peeled that good Fellows and Pot Companions, will 
 be influenced by a Regard for the Welfare of Ireland) 
 when they will not value their own Healths, nor avoid 
 all the Diftempers we lately reckon’d up, as well as 
 all the nervous Diforders, that fpring from the fatal 
 Tartar, which Claret by fad Experience is found to 
 abound with? I was weak enough, to read Phyfick 
 Books in my old Age, and I remember Galen told me, 
 that in all Wine there is fomething Indigeftible in its 
 felf, and ruinous to true complete ConcoCtion v but 
 our bell modem Phyficians do alfo affert, that the 
 Tartar in French Wine, is the Fountain of a Crowd 
 of Plagues and Pains, to our wretched Bodies. 
 We read this in a Number of Authors, and have 
 the Tradition handed down, from the Records of 
 die Dead and die Living, who have fuffefed by 
 neglecting 
 
r «9 ]. 
 
 neglecting fuch good Advice; but where are the 
 Recabites that will liften to fuch Councils, in thefe 
 drinking Days. 
 
 Prior. But as deftruiEtive as Wine is to us, we 
 muft not forget the dreadful Effects, Spirituous Li¬ 
 quors have on our Country and our Bodies. They 
 are really a fort of Liquid Flames, which corrode the 
 Coats of the Stomach, thicken the Juices, and enflame 
 the Blood, and in a Word, abfolutely fubvert the 
 whole Animal Oeconomy. The frequent ufe of them, 
 has had as bad Effects on our poor Natives, as Gin 
 in Great Britain and befides driving many Wretches 
 into Thefts, Quarrels, Murders and Robberies, it 
 kills as many of the Poor, (when Drunk to excefs) 
 as Wine does of the Rich. Even our own renowned 
 iVkiJky, tho’ it has banilh’d the Brandies of France , 
 yet is almoft as pernicious to our Healths and our Mo¬ 
 rals ; tho’ we have this poor Comfort, fmce Spiritu¬ 
 ous Liquors we muff have, that it is better to pay our 
 Irijh Farmers, for deftroying us, (if we muft be de- 
 ftroy’d) than the French Vignarons about Bor¬ 
 deaux. 
 
 Swift. I allow indeed over Irijh Spirits, are pre¬ 
 ferable to thofe made in France ; but after all, the chief 
 good Quality of them is, that the King gets a prodi¬ 
 gious encreafe of his Revenue, by our Stills. It were 
 to be wilh’d, that this Part of his Majefty’s Duties, 
 that is founded on the Intemperance of his People, 
 was fupplied by fome other Tax ; for it is dreadful 
 to confider, how much the Crown is interefted, that 
 the Subject fhou’d neither be frugal or fober. The 
 F 3 Duty 
 
World, unlefe we except what we pay for our Wine; 
 for I think the only Debts we pay well, are to the 
 Merchant who Poifons us, and the Sharpers who 
 bubble us at Play. If I were alive, I wou’d write a 
 Book againft the dreadful Intemperance of this Age 
 and this Country ; tho’ I doubt if it wou’d do us much 
 Service; for there is a Time, when the nobleft Me¬ 
 dicines are of no Ufe in a Diftemper, and I fear our 
 political Difeafes are now fo defperate, that to die as 
 eafily as we can, and to put it off as long as we can, 
 is all our poor Country can hope for. I will therefore 
 leave this, and go to another great Obllacle to the 
 welfare of Ireland, and that is the want of Tillage 
 amongft us, 
 
 Prior. That is indeed, Mr. Dean, a terrible Evil, 
 and like molt of our Evils, chiefly owing to ourfelves. 
 We do not want this additional Hardfhip to many 
 others, that what we earn by our Labours in good 
 Years, goes all from us in a fcarce one, and leaves us 
 either without Food or without Money. 
 
 Swift. Surely if repeated Sufferings make us pa¬ 
 tient, we might expeft that our frequent Misfortunes, 
 might make us Wife; and yet Famines are not able to 
 oblige us to Plow, nor our Legiflature to force us to 
 it, by falutary Laws. One wou’d believe there were 
 neither Thinkers or Reafoners, (unpoifon’d by French 
 Wine) left in Ireland. Are we to be a Nation of 
 Beafts, and a few Savages to watch them, and only 
 fome Landlords and Butchers to divide the Spoil, and 
 lhare the Plunder of a Nation, waited of its Villages 
 and 
 
[ 71 ] 
 
 and People, as William Rufus , ferv’d part of Kent, to 
 feed his Deer ? Good God ! what a Scandal are we 
 growing,' to all the Kingdoms of the Earth, that fet 
 up fora regulated Government, or a fenfible equal 
 Polity ? Surely, Tom, Men with common Senfe, and 
 common Induftry, might make fomething elfe of 
 this‘fertile Country, than a wild folitary Extent of 
 Paftures; and that Men and civilized Creatures, 
 might thrive here as well as Beafts and Barbarians } 
 and that we need not let this poor Region, look like 
 the one ey’d Polyphemus's Bland, fpoil’d of its Inhabi¬ 
 tants, and occupied only by his Sheep and his Cattle ? 
 We all know. Grazing makes Countries wild and hor¬ 
 rid, their People flothful and uncultivated as the Soil ; 
 but one might bear any Fault but.ftarving ; and yet 
 every three or four Years, Men here are near familh- 
 ing for want of Bread, and ready to eat up each other, 
 
 like Lord Al - ms. Dogs in the Kennel. It is hard 
 
 to lay, what fort of People we are, for it is ftrange 
 that the univerfal Inftinft, that governs all the lower 
 Ranks of Animals, or that the great Law of Self- 
 prefervation, does not influence our Countrymen lo 
 far, as to provide their own Bread. Not to Infult us 
 with wifer Nations, I wou’d at leaft expedt, that we 
 Ihou’dlhew ourfelves, as provident as the Republick 
 of Ants, and keep fomething to preferve Life and 
 Soul together, when Want and Winter come. We 
 feem to be quite uninfluenced by Hopes or Fears, the 
 two great ruling Paflions of the Soul; and as merry 
 and improvident, as fo many Grafs-hoppers. In other 
 Countries if Sheep eat up Men, the Men have their 
 Revenge and eat up Sheep; but in Ireland, wretched, 
 thoughtlefs Ireland , Sheep eat up more Men than all 
 F 4 the 
 
the Wolves on the Earth, without our poor Natives, 
 being able to devour one of them, but now and then, 
 when we Steal them, juft to keep Life and Soul 
 together. 
 
 Prior. The very Earth feems to cry out againft 
 us, Mr. Dean, for our want of labouring it, as it is 
 ready to reward the Induftrious, with fertile Crops, 
 and large Returns. He who will workup its natural 
 Strength fufficiently, need never want Food or 
 Raiment, or a good warm Cabbin, to encourage 
 him to go on, and by honeft Care and Toils, in 
 Time enrich himfelf and his Country. We ob- 
 ferv’d before, that the Women who were once the 
 idleft part of our People, are now the moft Induftri¬ 
 ous j and if the Men will improve as faft at the Plow, 
 as they have done at the Wheel, we Ihou’d foon fee a 
 vaft Change in our Circumftances. Our pinch’d mi- 
 ferable way of Living, wou’d be turn’d to Plenty and 
 Neatnefs, Warmth and Health; and the Plow wou’d 
 enliven the Wheel and the Reel, and keep every 
 Child, and every Sex in Motion. All this we may 
 hope from good and wife Governors; of fuch force is 
 Thinking for the Body, when the Body in return, 
 will Work to make itfelf and the Mind eafy. If our 
 Rulers and Legiflators, wou’d once heartily fet about 
 contriving, to get us Bread out of our own Fields, and 
 oblige us by Laws to till the Ground fufficiently, we 
 might foon fee our People and their Children, as bufy 
 as lb many Japonefe Villagers, when the Earth is load¬ 
 ed with their Harvefts. However, I fear neither of 
 thefe Things will be done, till we are forc’d to it, by 
 feeing Twenty-Thoufand poor Mortals ftarv’d once 
 
( 73 ) 
 
 more, and twice as many driven out of our Country ; 
 juft as we fee People feldom build Bridges over the 
 River, till they find Numbers of Travellers, have 
 been drown’d in Fording it. 
 
 Swift. A Foreigner wou’d think it as abfurd, to 
 hear that our Natives want Food, while we Export 
 fuch amazing Quantities of Provifions; as that the 
 Commonalty round Newcaftle , wanted Firing, tho’ 
 they furnilh London with their Coals. He wou’d alk, 
 why we don’t Tax fuch a mad Exportation, and by 
 laying Twelve-pence per Barrel, on all faked Beef 
 and Pork, raife a Fund for Premiums, to the greateft 
 Number of Acres plow’d in each County ; that at 
 leaft we may have Bread for our Natives, who dare 
 not hope for Flelh to eat with it. ’Tis a fad arid 
 a reproachful Profped to us, to obferve the Cbinefe 
 levelling Mountains, banking in Rivers, and draining 
 Moraffes, to improve and Dung them for the Plow; 
 and to fee in Ireland , as fertile Plains as any in the 
 Earth, lying untill’d, and feeding Sheep and Bullocks, 
 inftead of Men, of Induftrious facial thinking Crea¬ 
 tures ! The Plow is the Caufe that China fwarms 
 with large Cities and Villages, and ’tis from the want 
 of Tillage, that I remember to have feen in Munfter , 
 the wretched Tenants, as ill-houfed as fo many Hot¬ 
 tentots which proceeds from the . fame Defect, the 
 Country there is fo little Populous. Great Towns, 
 and fair Villages, are not only the Strength and Or¬ 
 nament of any Country, but good Dwellings do na¬ 
 turally encreafe Children, as a Barn does Mice, and 
 from the fame Reafon too. Befides Buildings like 
 thofe in China, always bring Crowds of Art .fleers 
 ; _ together, 
 
[ 74 ] 
 
 together, as they are fure of Bufinefs and Emplyment 
 from them ; and thence alfo the Country too, muft 
 become thicker Planted and better Peopled ; but in 
 Ireland, all thefe Bleffings are as hopelefs, and as rare 
 as Virtue, Wifdom or Induftry. Without Tillage 
 properly follow’d and encourag’d, ’tis impollible our 
 Numbers will ever encreafe fufficiently; nay they muft 
 neceffarily decline every Day ; nor fhall we be able to 
 feed tolerably, thofe Remnants of our Countrymen, 
 whom our Flocks of Sheep, and Herds of Bullocks, 
 don’t drive to France and America, thofe great Drains 
 of wretched Ireland. But what is fully as bad is, 
 that without Tillage, we (hall be perpetually drawing 
 off what little Money we have, and Bread will be fo 
 dear, that ’tis impollible but other Nations who feed 
 cheaper, muft underfell us in our Manufactures. Be- 
 fides how can there be any depending on dated Prices 
 for our Goods, while Bread is conftantly fo fluctuating 
 in its Value, as it is in Ireland -, fince the Wages of 
 the Workmen, will ever depend on the Price he pays 
 for his Food ? This is by the bye, a Circumftance, 
 which muft for ever (hut out the Linen Bufinefs from 
 Muufter, and all the grazing Counties ; it being abfo- 
 lutely impoflible for it to fubfift, without Tillage and 
 Hands, which ever go together. It cannot be the 
 Profit, that endears Grazing to the Southern Provin¬ 
 ces ; fince many excellent Authors, and particularly 
 Mr. Dobbs, have clearly demonftrated the vaft Differ¬ 
 ence, betwixt Tillage and Grazing, as to the real 
 Gain by each; and it is clear we lofe one Year with 
 another, 200,0 do /, to our Country, by this im- 
 politick Turn to Stocks. This is enough in Confci- 
 ence, one wou’d imagine for this unthinking King¬ 
 dom 
 
dom ; but we muftadd to this Lofs alfo, the Multi¬ 
 tudes, we force Abroad or ftarve at Home, and the 
 real Gain we thou’d make by their Arts and Labour, 
 and the encreafe of Houfes, Marriages, Children, 
 Health, Wealth and Plenty, which they naturally 
 bring with them. If our wife Graziers wou’d once 
 confider thefe Things, and that our Northern Colonies 
 in America, are fupplying thofe in the South with 
 Beef, and threatning to beat us by Degrees out of that 
 Trade, they will perceive how neceffary it is, to have 
 a Law for Tillage, and that without it, we may fay 
 with the /Egyptians , ‘ We be all dead Men.’ This I 
 am fure of, and I will only add that ’tis in vain to 
 make Laws, for encouraging our Linen, or to expeft 
 to keep Money enough in our Kingdom, to pay our 
 Rents, or circulate Trade, when fuch prodigious 
 Sums, go out annually for Grain, by which, and the 
 vaft Importation of French Wine, we are now a&ual- 
 ly on the very Brink of Bankruptcy and Ruin. 
 
 Swift. I know no better way to convince .any one, 
 of the fuperior Advantages, arifing from Tillage, 
 compar’d to thofe by Grazing, then to make him con¬ 
 fider the Circumftances of the People in Uljler, and 
 thofe in the other Provinces. In the firftj all are labo¬ 
 rious, all are well Cloath’d, well Fed, well Houfed 
 and Taught; in the laft, all Lazy, Naked, Starv’d, 
 Lodg’d in dirty Hutts, and almoft Illiterate. The 
 fuperior Advantages which the North fo eminently 
 enjoys, proceed not fo much from the different Genius’s, 
 of the two oppofite Religions, which prevail there, 
 and in the South, (tho’ that is fomething) but from 
 Tillage and Labour, and all the Arts ’tis employ’d in. 
 
being fixt in Ulfter. This (hews the Care we ftiou’d 
 take, to encourage Tillage in this half ftarv’d Ifland, 
 and the wifeft Nations have ever thought they cou’d 
 not take too much about it. Auhs Gellius tells us, 
 that the wife Remans kept Infpedtors, over the Agri¬ 
 culture of their People, who took due Care, that 
 every one manag’d their Grounds, in the molt fkilful 
 and ufeful Manner, and to inftruft the Ignorant and 
 punilh the Refradory. At this Day, Pere du Halde 
 allures us, that the Cbinefe do in the moft rigid Man¬ 
 ner, oblige every one to fow their Grounds or forfeit 
 them ; and they appoint judicious Surveyors, who 
 every Year, make Returns to the Magiftrates, of the 
 feveral Plow-Lands, and their different Fertility. This 
 may convince us, what thefe two wife Nations thought, 
 of the Benefit of Agriculture ; and if any Thing 
 cou’d make us renounce our deftrudlive Paffion for 
 Grazing, one might tell them, that ’tis recommended 
 by him that made the Earth, in many Paflages of holy 
 Writ; and if you remember, Mofes alfo Afligns it, as 
 one Reafon for God’s creating Adam, That Man was 
 wanted to Till the Ground. When I was talking of 
 the Roman and Cbinefe Infpeftors of their Tillage, I 
 (hou’d have mention’d that the Jews had fuch aho ; 
 for we find the Names of thofe who in David's Time, 
 were Superintendants of fuch Matters, recorded in 
 the • Cbrcnhhs. Poflibly in thefe bleffed Times 
 for Acting and Thinking freely, we fhou’d not relifh 
 luch Dictators to the Plow, nor any penal Laws to en¬ 
 force cur Tillage ; but certain I am, that without 
 fiome Laws that will execute themfelves, (how averfe 
 
I 77 ] 
 
 foever we may be to them) we (hall ftill continue in 
 the utmoft Danger of Beggary and Famine. We 
 may very well fubmit, even to fuch compulfatory Laws 
 in this Kingdom, fince every one may read in our 
 Hiftories, that England Was often oblig’d, to force 
 her Subjeds to return to the Plow, when the lazy 
 Method of pafturing Cattle, haddiftreft that Kingdom* 
 and ’tis chiefly to the Statutes made by the two lafl: 
 Henries and Edward the Vlth, that ihe owes the Blef- 
 fmg, of her being now the Granary of Europe, and 
 of her enjoying the Advantages of having improv’d 
 her Agriculture, beyond all other Nations. It is to 
 be hop’d, if our late Aft to encreafe our Tillage, 
 was properly amended, and form’d fo as to make the 
 Recovery of the Penalties more eafy, it wou’d have 
 very happy Effeds here; as Agriculture is the Source 
 of Plenty, and the nurftng Mother of Arts and Manu¬ 
 factures. Weobferv’d before, that to fee Beggars in 
 any well regulated State, is a reproach to its Laws and 
 Government * but to fee a Nation of Beggars, is too 
 fcandalous to have it exemplified in any Kingdom 
 but Ireland ; and yet without an effedual Law for Til¬ 
 lage, that muft unqueftionably be our Misfortune for 
 a while, and in fome Years our Ruin. I am at a Lofs 
 how to account for this univerfal Confpiracy to de- 
 flroy ourfelves, which is the more alarming, as our 
 own Plots againft our own Happinefs generallyfucceed. 
 Have we made a Vow of Poverty, like the Capuchin 
 Friars, or have we entred into a Confederacy to en¬ 
 rich every Country but our own ? for if not, whence 
 comes it, that above all other Nations we have the 
 fineft Ports, without Ships or Trade, the greateft 
 Number of able Hands, without any care of Em¬ 
 ploying 
 
ploying them, and that we are bleCt with fo many 
 Millions, of rich arable Acres without Plowing them, 
 and fuch Numbers of Men of Rank and Fortune, 
 without proper Zeal or Spirit, to remedy thefe Evils 
 which we groan under ? But there are two Inftances 
 of our Folly as to Tillage, that I cannot pafs by. 
 The firft is, that we chufe the North, - for the main 
 Store-Houfe of the Kingdom, where we have not 
 only the barreneft Lands, but the worft Seafons, and 
 where the Wet and Bleaknefs of the Country, produce 
 tardy Harvefts, fierce Winds and heavy Rains; and 
 where the Ground is not near fo fit for the Produftion 
 of Wheat, as the rich Plains of our other Provinces, 
 that lye nearer to the Sun. The other Inftance of 
 our Folly, is our rejecting in the Year 1710, the Bill 
 tranfmitted from England, that allowed a large Pre¬ 
 mium for our exported Com, which wou’d have been 
 the greateft Encouragement to our Tillage, and con- 
 lequently the greateft Bleffing to this unfortunate 
 Kingdom. I will not reckon up the Millions it wou’d 
 have fav’d us, that have fince gone out for Bread ; 
 nor thofe it wou’d have gain’d us, by the encreafe of 
 our Manufactures, and the keeping bufy at Home, all 
 the Hands we have been depriv’d of by fubfequent 
 Famines ; but I will fay this, that as our Zeal for his 
 Mtiefty’s Succeffion, our dread of the Pretender, and 
 our Jeaioufy of the Duke of Ormond’s popular Arts,, 
 made us then throw out that Aft; fo it is to be hop’d, 
 that the . King will in the Generofity of his Soul, 
 reftore us that defireable Bill which we loft for 
 him. 
 
Prior. I heartily wilh it, Mr .Dean, and tho’ we 
 had then a Lord Lieutenant highly regarded by 'the 
 Miniftry, favour’d by the Queen, and greatly belov’d 
 in Ireland, yet it is as true, ‘ that we have one at pre- 
 fent, who is not inferior to him in thofe Advantages, 
 and vaftly fuperior to him in others ; and who cer¬ 
 tainly has as fincere a defire to ferve us, as ever pof- 
 feft a Boulter, a Berkeley or a Swift, for I will not pre¬ 
 fume to join my Name with fuch Patriots. I hope we 
 lhall find it fo by Experience, but whenever he does 
 procure us that Blelfing, if he wou’d complete our 
 Obligations to him, and endear himfelf for ever to 
 Ireland, he muft add to it, the eftablilhing Granaries 
 in Dublin, Cork, and fuch Parts of the Kingdom, where 
 they will be the moft ufeful to thofe great Ends, the 
 keeping Bread at a fix’d Price, as well as our Manu- 
 fa&ures, and the Wages of thofe who Work them, 
 whofe Labour muft ever depend on their Food. 
 Without thefe, we muft live dependent on Accidents, 
 Winds and Seafons, and the Mercy of Corn-Faftors •, 
 and as both the old Jews and the old Romans, had fuch 
 Store-Houfes, and the wifeft Governments in Europe , 
 made ufe of them with the exa&eft Providence, and 
 to the greateft Advantage under proper Regulations ; 
 furely we (hall not be depriv’d of fuch Bleflings long. 
 They are the great fecurity to the Welder, that his 
 Gram (hall bear a fair encouraging Price, and at the 
 fameTime a Reftraint on the rapacious Avarice of the 
 Farmer, and the Corn-Chandler abroad and atHome; 
 and as by being furnilh’d in cheap Years, and all Ex¬ 
 portations ftopt till they’re fill’d, they wou’d keep 
 a fair Balance on the Price of Bread, he who defires 
 
[8o] 
 
 to be blefs’d by the Poor and the Induftrious here, 
 will not fail to add this Favour to all that we hope to 
 receive from him. 
 
 Swift. I don’t like praying to Saints that muft 
 pray to others. Our beft Way is to addrefs his Ma- 
 jefty for whatever we ftand in need of; tho’ after all, 
 what can we hope England will do for us, who fee s 
 our Wants, knows what has occafioned them, and 
 what would relieve them, and yet takes not the leaft 
 Step to ferve us. This fingle Circumftance looks 
 with an ill-omen’d Afpect on the Affairs of Ireland , 
 and is another main Reafon, which I muft offer to 
 you, why I think our Days of Profperity are as far off 
 as the great PlatonickYtdX. 
 
 Prior. I have often thought, Mr. Dean, our Cla¬ 
 mours againft England very ill grounded, tho’ many, 
 who know they are falfe or foolilh, are apt, for no 
 good Ends, to encourage them. ’Tis to England that 
 we owe that we are yet a Nation, that we are Free¬ 
 men and Proteftants, and enjoy our civil and religious 
 Rights, by the fame Zeal and Efforts which fecured 
 their own. They have left large Branches of Trade 
 and Manufactures open to us ; and even our Linen 
 and our Filheries, our Tillage and our Collieries, our 
 Salt-works, and our Mines, (not to mention many 
 others) would employ moft of the idle Hands in the 
 Kingdom, if we would once fet vigoroufly about them. 
 Can we be fo unreafonable as to expeft fhe will diftreis 
 her own Natives, to encourage thofe in Ireland , as if 
 they had not Senfe to confider, that their Charity, as 
 well as ours, Ihould. ever begin at home ? It pan ne¬ 
 ver 
 
t *1 ] 
 
 ver be denied, that they have done largely for us, if 
 we would do fomething to help ourfelves, with pro¬ 
 per Induftry, and an eager Zeal to ferve our Coun¬ 
 try. They do not hinder us to fave 300000 l. per 
 Anmnty by ufing our own Woollen and Silken Manu- 
 faftures, our own Salt, our own Sugar, our own 
 Grain,- Hops and Coals, Ale, Cyder, Bark and Cheefe, 
 our own Iron and Iron-ware, Paper and Glafs; and if 
 we will not work them up, nor ufe them when 
 wrought, are they to be blamed, or we? Would you 
 have them make a Law to prohibit the Importation of 
 fuch Things to Ireland , and force us to ufe our Hands 
 for our own Wants, whether we will or no ? 
 
 Swift. I wi(h they would; it would be of infinite 
 Service to this poor Country, which they itnpoverilh 
 by the wafteful Confumption of Englijb Goods, that 
 devour our Money, and deaden our Indiiftry. That 
 we owe many Bleffings to England , I never doubted, 
 even when I was alive, and as far as was in her Power, 
 difgraced and maltreated by her, and much lefs (hall I 
 dilpute-it now. However, lean reckon up a large 
 Catalogue of Complaints and Diftreffes, which Ireland 
 can very juftly charge her with. 
 
 Prior. Allowing all this to be true, as, to my Sor¬ 
 row, I fee you have fome Grounds for your Aflertion; 
 are they to be reviled or envy’d for fending us their 
 Goods, if we are fo mad as to call for them? Would 
 you have them hinder your buying their Commodi¬ 
 ties? Or, to go a little further, would we be hin¬ 
 der’d if they did? If we cut our own Throats, in our 
 •wn wife Judgments, would you have them make a 
 G Law 
 
Law to‘gibbet usrfor it after we are dead? I allow 
 you many of our Murmurings are juft; but for the 
 Love of Truth and Goodnefs, let us lament our Cafe 
 with feme Senfe, and begin at the right End with rail¬ 
 ing at ourfelves. I do not deny, that we are much 
 impoverifti’d by their Importations, nay, that by them 
 we are in feme Senfe of the Word, Beggars; But, 
 dear Dean , who ever hated Beggars more than you 
 did, that had Health and Hands, and could work and 
 help themfelves, and would not. If our People will 
 neither fet up Manufactures, nor encourage them when 
 fet up, if they will not promote Agriculture by large 
 Premiums through the Kingdom, but had rather beg 
 Bread from their induftrious Neighbours ; if they will 
 neither build Granaries, or fet up Fifheries or Collier¬ 
 ies: If Gentlemen will neither live at home, nor 
 build and improve their Eftates, to tempt their Sons 
 to live there; if they fee Societies fet up for the Ser¬ 
 vice of Ireland , and won’t fpare Shillings a-piece from 
 their Diverftons, to increafe their Force and Power to 
 help us, are the Englijh to be blamed, or ourfelves, if 
 they leave it to our Choice either to mend our Follies, 
 or to fuffer by them. 
 
 Swift. The Truth is (though I am loth to con- 
 fefs it) I fear we are too lazy; becaufe we are. not ex¬ 
 traordinarily encouraged, either here or by England-, 
 and probably they want to fee us more alert, before 
 they help us further; and in the mean time, between 
 oiir Gentlemen who go abroad for Pleafure, and our 
 Poor for Bread, we are like a Ship that is run a-ground,' 
 and the Hands which fhould have faved her gone off! 
 People that are unfortunate love to have feme one to 
 
[« 3 ] 
 
 Jay the Blame on; and fo we rail at England , as I re- 
 .member Mrs. Halley (the Wife of the famous Aftro- 
 nomer) did at the Stars, who ufed to wring her Hands, 
 and bawl out, My Curfe, and God’s Curfe upon them 
 for Stars, for they have fuined me and my Family; 
 whereas, like Job's Wife, (he ought to have curfed 
 her Hufband for his ftar-gazing Folly, At the fame 
 Time I never did, nor ever will forgive England for 
 not helping us more than Ihe does: We are a Mint in 
 her Hands, but through her Negligence or Diffidence 
 it is an unwrought one, though the Ore is vaftly rich 
 and promifing. 
 
 Prior. I mull agree with you there, and yet I am 
 convinced, that the Fear of making their own People 
 jealous, 1 the Weight of their Debts, their violent Par¬ 
 ties, and their decayed Trade, prevent their doing all 
 they would for us or themfelves; the Charity, the un¬ 
 bounded Charity, England extended to us at the Revo¬ 
 lution, her Encouragement to our Linens, our Woollen 
 Yarn, and our Cambricks, and to name no more, her 
 Benefactions to our Charter-Schools, are Evidences of 
 her Love to us which can never be forgotten. But 
 beftde all this, if England has a Zeal for her own Wel¬ 
 fare, (he muft have a good Will for ours; for the 
 knows and feels every Improvement made. in. Ireland , 
 that does not diredtly clalh with her Interelt, is pour¬ 
 ing Treafure into her own Lap, as regularly as what 
 the River gets is returned to the Ocean. ’Tis evi¬ 
 dent, if we are better cloath’d, peopled, fed, and 
 houfed here; if our Wealth be encreafed, or our in¬ 
 habitants or Country improved, , we Iball of Coiirfel 
 takeoff more of her Goods, and fpend more of our 
 G 2 Money 
 
Money in London, which is to all Intents and Phr- 
 pofes, as much our Metropolis as England’s. We al¬ 
 ready, by the mending of our Circumftances in (bme 
 Refpects, and the raifing our Rents, do actually fpend 
 thrice as much there as our Grandfathers did; and it 
 is as plan a Truth, that our Grandchildren will here¬ 
 after redouble what we carry there now. Can there be 
 a Doubt then, that England muft confult our Wel¬ 
 fare, as long as (he attends to her own ? Though 
 we live in different Iflands, we are in effect but one 
 People, and generally Children of the fame Family; 
 all we want to make us happy together is, that the 
 elder Brother (hould carry to us with Affection and 
 Regard, and we to him with RefpeCt and Deference, 
 without Jealoufies or Quarrels for Trifles or Things 
 that cannot be helped, we never interfering with them, 
 nor they opprelling or cramping us. 
 
 Swift. You are a very civil Magiftrate, as St.John 
 (ays, and have adjufted Things very amicably; but 
 there is another Reafon for England’s protecting us, 
 which I cannot pafs by, and that is becaufe any bold 
 Step of the Crown in future Ages to abfolute Power, 
 will probably begin here. ’Tis therefore to be hoped, 
 our Brethren in Great-Britatn, who (whatever may 
 become of them) are not born Slaves like fome People 
 I won’t name, will watch us like a Beacon, whenever 
 bad or weak Men fet this poor Kland oil Fire, either 
 to plunder or to frighten it, or for any other noble 
 political Scheme. I' mult own, Tom, while I was 
 playing the -Fool in the World, like my Neighbours, 
 
 I ufed to rail at England feverely, and I had my Rea- 
 
C 8s 1 
 
 fons for it; but though I am altered much as to that 
 Point, there are feveral Things that I Hill think her 
 blameable in, and particularly for the fmall Number 
 of lrijbmen that are preferred in Church and State. 
 The Want of all proper Encouragement here, for 
 every Man’s exerting his Abilities as far as they can 
 go, has terrible EffeCls on the very Genius and Cha¬ 
 racter of our Nation. It adually keeps our Schools 
 unfill’d, and thins our College to a furprifing Degree; 
 and makes our People look on the little Virtue we 
 have yet kept among us, as ufelefs and impertinent in 
 a Country, where they are out of Falhion, and where 
 Alliance, and Blood, and 'Family-Interell, make our 
 Conftitution in Church and State, (and cfpecially the 
 Church) rather hereditary than elective. This is a 
 great national Grievance, fo as to make it a Sort of 
 Misfortune to be born here; nor do I fee any Hopes 
 of. a Remedy, unlefs we get a Bill of Naturalization 
 pall on the other Side of the Water for all lrijbmen , 
 as well as for the Jews. At prefent there is as little 
 Encouragement for Knowledge, or the learned Arts 
 in Ireland, as in the IJle of Man , or rather lefs; for 
 though their Preferments and Polls are fewer, they 
 are only bellowed on Natives. By this Means it will 
 come to pafs in Time, that our Parts mull be as flight 
 as our Encouragements, and poor as our Country; for 
 here,, as in the dead Level of the Ocean, there is no 
 Rifing but by Storms and Tempells, and the Miferies 
 and Ruins they occafion; and therefore half our Gen¬ 
 try owe their Ellates to the Wars and Rebellions of 
 Madmen and Bigots. But as to Eminence in Learn¬ 
 ing, or diltinguifh’d Abilities, they are quite over¬ 
 look’d ; or at leaft the Handful, that Ireland has feen 
 G 3 pre- 
 
preferred of her Natives by them, is miferably fmalh 
 In other Nations fome, nay, Crowds, are advanced 
 by their Knowledge and Talents, but here they are 
 difcountenanced and brow-beaten; fome are enriched 
 by Trade, but here all we have is contrived to ruin us: 
 Some make large Fortunes by their Skill in the Laws, 
 but with us, where Plaintiffs or Defendants are one 
 or other of them Beggars, the Proverb will tell you 
 what is got by the Suit. I muft add to all thefe Com¬ 
 plaints, that even Avarice cannot bring a Man in Ire¬ 
 land a moderate Acquisition of Wealth; for here all 
 Men do fo univerfally outlive their Circumftances, 
 that Saving is grown as fcandalous as Thieving, and 
 a Man is hooted out of the World more frequent¬ 
 ly for the one, than he is hanged for the other. 
 
 Prior. It is eafier, Mr. Dean, to exclaim on this 
 Head, than to fhew the Juftice of the Complaint; for 
 whoever will carefully look over the Lifts of thofe 
 who have been preferred in Church and State for fome 
 Years, will find there has been greater Attention than 
 ever paid to this Matter. But left you Should difpute 
 this Fact, I will only hint, that there are Grounds to 
 fay, this Complaint will not be fo common a Topick 
 of Difcourfe with Irijbmen , as we knew it in our Time; 
 and probably as Learning and Knowledge may there¬ 
 fore make greater Advances among us than ever, we 
 lhall find Irijbmen hereafter as much diftinguiflied by 
 their Preferments as their Merit. But however that 
 may be, it will be as great Madnefs for us to malign 
 or revile England on fuch Dilgufts and Slights, as for 
 a younger Son to quarrel with his Father, to whom he 
 owes his being what he is, and who may in Time 
 
vaftly enlarge his Portion and his Happinefs, if he be¬ 
 haves with Duty and Love. This I will be bold to 
 fay, that we are poffefs’d of as many civil Advantages, 
 under our Connections with England , as we enjoy 
 from our natural ones, and our Situation in this Cli¬ 
 mate, this Sun, and this World of Life and Matter, 
 where we derive fo many Bleflings from the Bounty of 
 the Creator. 
 
 Swift. Iwilh, Torn, you would not ftir that Bone 
 of Contention, for there is a great deal to be faid on 
 both Sides of the Queftion, which, as I love to keep 
 in good Humour, and be as quiet in my Grave as I 
 can, I do not care for wrangling about. But this I 
 muft fay, as to your Hints of our being Children of 
 the fame Family, that you had better let them alone, 
 for it ftirs my Spleen too violently. I am fure, if we 
 *are fo, we fare like the reft of the younger Children 
 in the World, who get but a Pittance to ftarve on, 
 while the elder Brother runs away with the Bulk of 
 the Fortune. I will not dwell on what we lofe to her 
 by Abfentees, but I know between our Wool, our 
 Woollen and Worfted Yarn, our Linens and Linen 
 Yarn, our Copper, Lead, and Iron Ore, our Hides, 
 Skins, Tallow, all which are the Primums and Foun¬ 
 dations of her great Manufactures, fhe makes im- 
 menfe Gains by her Trade with our Country, and 
 the Ships (he employs in it. I muft alfo add, that 
 we take from her the largeft Supplies of her Grain and 
 her Manufactures of any Nation upon Earth; and be- 
 fides the Crowds of Englijh Gentlemen, that are pof¬ 
 fefs’d of Employments, Commiflions, Penfions, and 
 Preferments here, Ihe makes near two Millions by 
 
the Trade with Ireland-, which I know is more than 
 (he gains from the reft of the World. I am not 
 peevifh, or at leaft fo peevifh, aslufed to be, when I 
 had vile Flefli and Blood about me; but thefq are 
 plain confeft honeft Truths, and if that generous large 
 thoughted Nation, will confider them calmly and can¬ 
 didly ; poflibly file will make us other Returns, than 
 cramping our Trade, making us poor Petitioners, 
 for leave to live by our Linen, and binding us by 
 Laws (a Thing which every Briton fhou’dftart at) to 
 which we never gave our Confent 
 
 Prior. I cannot enter on that Subjetft, without 
 irritating you, and therefore, Mr. Dean , I will drop 
 it; but this I muft fay, that England had probably 
 fhewn us more Affeftion and Indulgence, if lhe had 
 not been kept in perpetual Alarms, by our endea¬ 
 vouring to Rival her in her great Staple, the Woollen 
 Trade. I have heard of fome Women, who to re¬ 
 gain their Hufband’s Affedtions, ftrove to make them 
 Jealous; but I fancy that is no good Artifice, to make 
 Nations love one another, and I hope as our Linen 
 Manufactures, and our Tillage encreafe in the South; 
 we thall remove all uneafineffes from that Quarter. 
 It is certain our Interefts and England's are infepara- 
 bly united, and he muft be a very weak, or a very 
 malicious Man, who wou’d endeavour to divide our 
 Inclinations, and fetup a Wall Partition between us ; 
 by keeping up artificial Jealoufy on the one Side, and 
 unnatural Averfion on the other. It wou’d be abfurd 
 to think that becaufewe have a broader Arm of the 
 Sea, between us and England that the IJle of Wight , or 
 Anglefea ; that therefore we ought to have, different 
 Rules 
 
t«9] 
 
 Rules and Views of Ailing; whereas we fliou’d con- 
 fider ourfelves as one People, join’d in one Syftem of 
 Government, Religion, Laws and Liberties; and he 
 that divides us Ruins us. 
 
 Swift. What doft thou talk of dividing us ? I 
 hope that Word was not aim’d at me. I am not for 
 Divifions (nor let me whifper you in the Ear, Tom) 
 Unions either, till I fee moreCaufe. But in the mean 
 Time, I fay fince England makes fo much by Ire- 
 landy lhe ought to help us to get fomething for our- 
 felves, if it was for no other Reafon but to double 
 her Gain by us. But it is amazing how a Nation fo 
 fenfible and enterprizing as (he is generally allow’d to 
 be, can fo long over look the vaft Advantages (he 
 might draw from us, if we were cultivated and im¬ 
 prov’d under her Direction. Can (he be Ignorant 
 how ufeful, fo large and fo fertile a Country may be 
 to her, where Hands and Food are fo eafily had, and 
 may be turn’d to every Manufacture lhe wants, as 
 effeftually as the Motion of an Army by a (kilful Ge¬ 
 neral. And if (he knows it, can (he negleCt it? Does 
 (he want to be told, where lhe may moft properly 
 and providently give all the vaft Sums (he pays, for 
 Hempen and Linen Manufactures to our Neighbours 
 round the Baltick ? Does (he underftand what Gain 
 (he wou’d make, if the Lands here were raifed by 
 Trade and Manufactures, to a Million more than they 
 now fet for; and how foon this may be done ? Is (he 
 yet to learn, that by encouraging theWoollen Bufinefs 
 here, in fuch Articles only, as her Rivals underfell 
 her in, (he wou’d effectually recover them out of 
 their Hands, by employing the Irijh , who by paying 
 no Taxes on their Milk and Potatoes, can underfell 
 all 
 
[ 9 ° ] 
 
 the World ? Is (he Ignorant what [he might make, 
 by compleatly working our Mines, by opening our 
 Trade to her Plantations effedually, and to Name no 
 more by fetting up extended Fifheries here, (the Gain 
 from which one wou’d be tempted to think, was 
 hinted by CbriJT s bidding St. Peter, take Money out 
 of the Fifties Mouth) and thereby befides the Profit 
 of what we vend, breeding Thcufands of Mariners 
 to man her Navy. If thefe are certain Fads, I hope 
 you will allow me without Grumbling, to affert two 
 plain Truths; firft that there never was a Nation fo 
 Affedionate, fo Loyal as Ireland •, and fecondly, That 
 there never was a rebellious People fo much fufpeded, 
 fo long negleded, and fo faintly, fo coldly encourag’d 
 to ferve her. 
 
 Prior. Tho’ I cannot agree with you, Mr. Dean , 
 in fome of thefe Particulars, yeti will avoid Wrang¬ 
 ling with an old Friend ; but I muft fay you are too 
 ready to lay blame upon England ; when our own 
 People are more to be reproach’d than our Neigh 
 hours, who have more Affairs of their own on . their 
 Hands, than they can get well manag’d. If we 
 fairly weigh Things, we will find our Countrymen 
 faulty in many Regards; and indeed I have fuch a 
 Bead-roll of Accufations againft them, that I know 
 not where I had beft begin the Attack. 
 
 Swift. Hold! Tom, hold ' Dead or Living, I 
 wou’d never allow any Man to attack Ireland, but 
 myfelf; however when I am out of Breath, you (hall 
 be permitted to affift me now, and then. I mull in- 
 genioufty own, I fee fo many Mitiak.es in their ways 
 of 
 
[9i.] 
 
 of Thinking and Adfing, that the more I confider 
 them, the more I look on Ireland , as in a dangerous 
 Condition. The firft Thing Khali touch at, is that 
 terrible want of publick Spirit, which we are notori- 
 oufly defedtive in ; tho’ like the Pulfe in the human 
 Body, where it is wanting, Death is nigh ! all Coun¬ 
 tries are grealty help’d by this nobleft Paflion of the 
 human Mind : But this Ifland muft be abfolutely loft, 
 without its Afliftance. We are fo Circumftanced in 
 feveral Views, that nothing can keep us above Water, 
 and much lefs make us flourilh, but the whole of our 
 Gentry, joining one and all, to roufe themfelves and 
 the Nation, by encouraging every Art, every addi¬ 
 tional Method of employing us, that they can fettle 
 here: And yet how few have I known, who exerted 
 themfelves this way, or feem’d to know it was their 
 Intereft, or to think it their Duty. I remember in 
 fome Accounts of Portugal , I have met a Relation 
 of the vaft Good that is done there, by the famous 
 merciful Society, as they call it very defervedly. It 
 is compofed of the molt diftinguifti’d Perfons in the 
 Kingdom, who all contribute their Quota’s to the re¬ 
 lieving in a private Manner, all deferving People, 
 (andTradefmen efpecially) who are in want. TheStew- 
 ard who is annually Chofen, is always one of the mod 
 Illuftrious of the Nobility ; and cannot avoid fpending 
 5000 /. in thefe Charities, to come off with Honour, 
 and keep up the Glory of his Truft. Now I will ven¬ 
 ture to affirm, tho’ we have vaftiy the Superiority over 
 Portugal , as to the Numbers of Noblemen and Gen¬ 
 tlemen of great Fortunes in Ireland ; yet it wou’d be 
 a vain Attempt to endeavour to eilablilh fuch a gene- 
 
rous Society here. This makes me Tremble for a 
 People fo deferted and neglefted as ours ; for unlefs 
 the Rich, and the Great, and the Powerful, give 
 largely to the Encouragement of Arts and Induftry, 
 and fet Examples of Virtue and Goodnefs, and a Love 
 of their Country before us, there can be little hopes 
 of this or any other Nation, being made completely 
 eafy or happy. Men of larger Fortunes, fhou’d (hew 
 they have larger Hearts than others, or they ought 
 like the old Romans to fufFer a voluntary Degradation, 
 and defcend from their State and mix with the meaneft 
 Plebeians, If they Act fo as to do Honour to their 
 Anceftors, and give (hining Proofs of Truth, Piety, 
 Worth and Benevolence; Numbers will Copy them 
 with Joy ; but without this, we may as well expeft an 
 Army will be brave, where the Generals, Colonels 
 and Captains are Cowards, as that a N ation fhall (hew 
 publick Spirit, or be Virtuous, Religious and Chari¬ 
 table, where their Superiors have oppofite Characters. 
 Let all who are eminent for Wealth or Birth, or Parts, 
 ferioufly lay this to Heart, and conP.der how much 
 the Immorality and Mifery, or the Virtue and Prof- 
 perity of their Country, is chargeable to them and 
 their Conduct; and it will not fail of ftirring up a ge¬ 
 nerous Emulation, who (hall be moft diftinguifh’d, 
 in affifting the whole of our People, in Thinking and 
 Acting better, and more nobly than they have hither¬ 
 to done. 
 
 Prior. That too few have Afted thus, mud be 
 acknowledg’d; but fome there have been among 
 them, who have done Honour to their Families, and 
 raifed 
 
raifed their own Characters, by the applauded Parts 
 they have Afted, for the Service of their Country. 
 
 Swift. At the fame Time, Tom , one wou’d won¬ 
 der fuch Examples Ihou’d not be more frequent; for 
 how dreadful how contemptible a Figure, in the fight 
 of God and Man, muft he make, who with the Ad¬ 
 vantages of Birth, and Fortune, and Power, feems 
 to labour to be remembred, Living and Dead, only 
 for being given up to. the bafeft and moft brutal Vices, 
 or at belt for his fenfelefs Splendour, by living like an 
 Epicure, or aiding the Gamefter, or for his great 
 Stables or well-cover’d Table, his well-fill’d Cellar, or 
 to heighten his Character dill higher, his Debts and 
 his Drabs. Such Men ruin and corrupt the World, 
 by their Examples ; they fneerat Virtue and Sobriety* 
 they make a Jeft of loving or ferving this poor Ifland, 
 and Ridicule the very Name of a Patriot; and while 
 they withhold their Contribution, to every good De- 
 fign, they make Sport of lavilhing their Fortunes in 
 Folly, and ruining their Conditution by Vice, and 
 they even Laugh at Religion, and fliew an equal Con¬ 
 tempt for their God and their Country. It is odd, 
 that few can be Stupid enough not to fee, that every 
 Man’s private filtered and Happinefs, let him be ever 
 fo great, is involv’d in that of the Publick; and yet 
 few or none will Labour to ferve the Publick, fo far 
 as to think for or fupport its filtered, whenever they 
 have an Opportunity. I labour’d to roufe it up 
 amongd us, for a Number of Years, to no Purpofe, 
 and I am apprehenfive, that our bed Ground to 
 hope, to fee this Spirit revive here, is that Poderity 
 play hereafter exert it effectually, when they fee this 
 
Ifland ruin’d; by the little Regard that is (hewn for it 
 now. However I muft fay (if any Thing in Ireland 
 were worth complaining about) that it is a little hard, 
 we muft be Ruin’d before we are reform’d, juft as 
 Shipwrecks fet up Light-houfes, to fecure future 
 Sailors in their Voyages. This wou’d enrage one, fom, 
 if a noble Scorn did not cool our Fury. 
 
 Prior. Thefe Thoughts difturb the Breafts of the 
 Dead, as well as the Paflions of the Living ; for it is 
 certain if our higher People Ihew’d a true publick 
 Spirit, it wou’d produce vaft Effects amongft us ; it 
 wou’d ftir up Invention, Induftry and Emulation, and 
 in a Word awaken every Genius, every ufeful Man 
 in this Kingdom. We have had very extraordinary 
 Perfons Bom and Educated here, and we wou’d have 
 them ftill, if our Leaders wou’d make ufe of that 
 plain Method, by proper Premiums to raife Seed-Beds 
 and Nurferies for them, and ufe our Youth to think, 
 and to excell. How eafily might they call out every 
 one’s belt Qualities, to the propereft Purpofes,- and 
 encourage every Man, who finds he has the Seeds 
 of Virtue, the Power of Thinking and Acting- for 1 
 himfelf or others, and a proper force of Mind, to 
 try how far his Abilities can go. If this can’t be 
 brought about, and if for want of fuch a rrriferable 1 
 Stock of common Senfe and common Virtue in Ire¬ 
 land, we are to be left to ourfelves, and employ’d in 
 doing nothing but making a little Linen, I can only 
 fay, we are the moft negligent and neglected People 
 under Heaven. 
 
Swift. Ah Tom ! Tom ! what rauft we think of our 
 Phyficians,where our Difeafes are fo dangerous and are 
 yet fo manageable, and where the Remedies are fo 
 eafy and parable ? Where nothing but flighting our 
 Disorders can make our Cure doubtful, and where 
 they give over the Patient barely for want of being 
 feed ? What rauft become of a Country, where about 
 600,000/. of its Rents are annually, fpent Abroad, 
 by a Crowd of Parricides, which we call Abfentees ; 
 where as much more is fpent at home, in foreign 
 Growths or Manufactures by Irijb Suicides, and the 
 reft is laid out in Drefs and Equipage, in Gaming and 
 Drinking, and Horfe-Racing, except a Pittance that 
 is fcrambled for, by our Labourers and Workmen 
 to buy Potatoes and Whilky, and once in a Month, 
 half a Peck of Meal for the Children of the Nation. 
 What will become of a Kingdom, whofe Manu¬ 
 factures are the Scorn of its own Inhabitants; who 
 will not Drink of t heir own Liquors, write on their 
 own Paper, or be fed with their own Bread, as I ob- 
 ferv’d before, and can’t obferve too often: Nay, 
 where the Poor by giving into thefe fine Fafhions, 
 feem as well inclin’d todeftroy us as the Rich ? What 
 muft become of a Nation of Beggars, and none to re¬ 
 lieve them ? What muft become of aCountry, where 
 the common People make as much Intereft, to be 
 put on the Lift of the Parifh Poor, and be authorized 
 to Starve upon Charity; as their Landlords, and 
 ’Squires do to get a Place or a Sallary, to make a- 
 mends to them, for outruning their Fortunes, and to 
 appear like dignified Beggars, who for ruining them-, 
 felves and the Nation, are Nurfed at the publick 
 
[ 9 6 ] 
 
 Charge, as the Athenians ufed to keep their true Pa¬ 
 triots, in the Areopagus on Penfion, when old and 
 reduced in their Service. 
 
 Prior. Why indeed, Mr. 'Dean— ■ • 
 
 Swift. Indeed, Tom, I have not done, nor I won’t 
 be intemipted. I lay what will become of a Nation, 
 where we are charg’d fo immenfely for unbuilt or ill - 
 built Barracks, for our Soldiers which we cannot ufe, 
 which we did not want; and where we won’t lay out 
 aneceflary Expence to build Houles of Correftion, 
 that wou’d force every Idler to Labour, and tho’ we 
 know that Idlenels is the Seed of Rebellion ? What 
 will become of a Nation, where we Ipend immenfely 
 to ruin it, and grudge laying out a few Shillings, or 
 the fmalleft Tax to ferve it, by encouraging our 
 People to Labour and be Induftrious ? Where we are 
 grown fo heedlefs and unthinking, that our political 
 Creed, mull be as often repeated in our Ears, as our 
 Religious one, before we will take care to underftand, or 
 Ihew we believe it by our Praftice ? Where we are fo 
 notorioully Dull, or fo artificially Infenfible, that we 
 muft be told our true Intereft a thoufand Times over, 
 before we’ll regard it, or where thofe who know our 
 true Intereft beft, will Sacrifice it either to theirVanity, 
 Eafe, Pleafure or Ambition, or at leaft to their giddy, 
 fenfelefs, Carelelsnefs ? What muft become of a 
 Kingdom, where we are grown fo refign’d, that we 
 no more offer to complain of the hardnefs of our 
 Cafe, if two or three honeft Gentlemen bid us hold 
 our Tongue, than a dying Man againft the Will of 
 Heaven? Where we either feem to have loft the 
 Senfe. 
 
[ 97 1 
 
 Senfe of Groaning by the length 6f our Diftemper, 
 or by knowing from long Experience, it will be in 
 vain or elfe that we fear bawling, as in the Houle 
 of Correction, will but increafe the Blows, both as 
 to Number and Smart. Where People keep their 
 Tongues in their Pockets, as Highway-Men do their 
 Piftols, never to be pull’d out but in hopes of getting 
 Money; and where fo many, of our moft emnient 
 Guardians and Reprefentatives, command Men to be 
 filent and quiet and bear all, as the Executioner faid 
 to Don * Carlos, when he was ftruggling to hinder 
 his being Strangled, c ’Tis for your good Don Car¬ 
 los / be quiet, ’tis for your Good! ’ Nay what will be¬ 
 come of a Nation, where whoever Attempts to help 
 it, is either mark’d out for DeftruCtion, as I was by a 
 certain Lord Chief Juftice, or revil’d and hated. 
 
 P Rior. There Dean, you mull give me leave to 
 fay, you certainly go too far, to hate our Benefactors 
 is not in human Nature. 
 
 Swift. Whether ’tis in human Nature I know not, 
 but l am fure ’tis in Ireland ; for I found myfelf 
 hated there fmcerely by different People, and for dif¬ 
 ferent Reafons. I was actually hated, by all who 
 cou’d help it, but would not or durft not, and by all 
 who wou’d help it themfelves and knew not how, and 
 abhorred to have it done by others. I was hated by 
 all who long’d to hurt it, but as they cou'd not, de- 
 tefted thofe that hindered them, and by all who do 
 not Care to have great Examples fet them, which 
 
 * Tie Kjng of Spain’; Son put to Death privately by bis Drier. 
 
 H they 
 
(9«) 
 
 they are not fond of following, and laftly by all 
 who neither love any Thing or any body but tbem- 
 felves, .their fnrerefts or Pleafures, and who had' as 
 lieve talk of faring Heaven as their Country. In¬ 
 deed the common People who come hot under thefe 
 Diiiinftions, lov’d me well enough to Drink my 
 Health, efpecially, when I gave them the Liquor \ 
 and I doubt not wou’d have accompanied me to the 
 Gallows,' with many a zealous Prayer, if I had been 
 Hanged for- Writing for them. But at the fame 
 Time my Charafter was revil’d and attack’d with a 
 Number of fcandalous Stories, iand my Zeal and my 
 Patriotifm expofed to Derilion ; and I was fo far from 
 having any Regard fhewn me by my Governors, that 
 in a Country where Numbers getPenfions for nothing, 
 and Places for Services that were never done, I was not 
 once offer’d any additional Preferment to my Deanery, 
 and I fcom’d or rather detefted not only to Aik, but 
 even to Wilh for it, as I vow’d to you before. Molt 
 Nations indeed are but too apt to be thanklefs to their 
 Deliverers, but this above all others, and the Comperit 
 invidiam fupremofine domari, I found too often verified 
 in myfelf and my Interefts; and my Charafter too 
 frequently and too barbaroufly infulted when Living; 
 and now when I am laid in my Grave, they are 
 grudging their Half-Crowns, to raife me a Monu¬ 
 ment, that will not lail as many Months, as I writ 
 Pages for them. 
 
 Prior. It is an Happinefs, if the World proves 
 Ungrateful to the great and excellent Perfons, who 
 ferve and adorn the Age that is blell with them, that 
 they have a fcbm for the'Opinions of Men, or even 
 their 
 
[ 99 ] 
 
 their Love or- their Hatred, their Preferments, or 
 Honours. It is but-a poor Sentiment of the iliuftri- 
 ous Xenophon's, ‘ That Praife is fweet to thofe, who 
 are Confcious they deferve it for on the contrary, 
 I. believe.moft of thofe, who truly deferve Praife, have 
 look’d on it as the poorelt and lowed: Reward of 
 .well-doing.: Great Minds who aim. in. their-bell 
 Actions;at.the.Glory of their Maker, and the pleaf- 
 ing that Author of all Good, , by labouring to imitate 
 him here below,, haye. fuperior Views, and do not 
 only look down with a generous Difdain on the Ap- 
 •plaufe.of others,, as at is,really trivial and mean, but 
 alfo as they know, they never receive, it. pure,, but 
 dalh’d with the Malice of Detra&ors, and the Spleen 
 of thofe little Souls, who Envy therm As they are 
 Deaf to their-Praife, fo great Minds from their na¬ 
 tural Superiority, bear the Malice of their Enem S 
 with equal Indifference, and ftrive to Copy after him 
 whom they ferve, by finding at,, and over-looking the 
 bafe Ingratitude of thofe they have done Good to. 
 I am-fenfible,De(?#,as even your Donations will fuivive 
 both the World and your own Name, you know from 
 whom to expect your-Wages, and when they, will be 
 paid you ; • but really when one confiders,. what 
 wretched wicked, fenfelefs, Mortals crowd this World, 
 it wou’d make one, onto! Countenance to. be. actu¬ 
 ated merely by a Love -to themfelves.and. Defen¬ 
 dants, without any Regard to him, who. has. com¬ 
 manded us to aflift and befriend them. . 
 
 Swift. I agree with you .entirely ; I have obferved 
 and ftudied Mankind too long, not to know the antmali 
 Initus in Cute f and to. look on their Service as .per- 
 
[ I°° ] 
 
 feft Slaver)'. I have lov’d forae odd Men in my 
 Time, but the whole Race in a Lump, are a dreadful 
 Carnage of Sins and Infirmities, Errors and Failings, 
 Reafon and Paffion, that make a kind of Twilight in 
 the belt Underftandings, that is neither Day nor 
 Night, Knowledge or Ignorance, Vice or Virtue ; 
 but a kind of Olio of them all. Even the higheft 
 Characters have their weak-fides, and the molt re¬ 
 fin’d, their DefeCts and their Failures, with all the In¬ 
 firmities which Flefh is heir to, and this World where 
 we dwell is apt to taint Men with. Nay 1 mult tell 
 you in fome Verfes of mine, which never fell into 
 Faulkner's Hands, 
 
 Prone to . all III, the Flejb Jlill warps tie Soul, 
 
 Hung like a Byafs on tie devious Bowl. 
 
 This gives a worldly Cajl to all we do, 
 
 Tbo’ Patriots, Heroes, Saints ,■ - w e’re Sinners too l 
 Tbo' fome quite faultlefs in tbeir Lives appear, 
 
 , Yet chain’d to this infeBious Dungeon here. 
 
 Men fmall of Earth, like Prif tiers of tbeir Jail, 
 
 Aid tainted from the Womb, the bejl are Frail! 
 
 This is poor Poetry, Tom, but they are honeft 
 Thoughts, and fuch (Death has taught me that 
 Leffon) are worth all the Wit in the World. But I 
 Ihall quit this SubjeCt, to return to another fear I 
 have for the Profperity of Ireland, and that is the 
 terrible and fenfelefs Faftions, that divide our unfor¬ 
 tunate Countrymen. The firft great Divifion among 
 them, is their Difputes about fpiritual Matters, as 
 Proteftants andPapifts. It is not the Danger to the 
 State that alarms me, for that is quite over; but 
 the Indifpofition to Unity and mutual Affedtion ; by 
 which 
 
1 [ 101 ] 
 
 which mearts the Kingdom is leflen’d in its force and 
 weight, while we feem to drag like a Man in a Palfy, 
 one half of our Body after the other, which ought to 
 co-operate with it. 
 
 Prior. I muft add to what you mention, Mr. 
 Dean ,that it is a terrible Circumftance, to be furround- 
 ed by Chatholick Neighbours, who many of them 
 think they wou’d do God good Service, if they ex¬ 
 tirpated Herefy out of this Ifland ; and therefore till 
 we can get Priefts with better Principles, or remove 
 fuch inhuman Prejudices, by giving their People bet¬ 
 ter Opinions, than that they ought to perfecute a 
 Proteftant with Fire and Sword ; we fhall ever be a 
 feeble difunited Nation. We to this Hour fuffer un¬ 
 der a lofs of Blood and Spirits, from former Wars, 
 Rebellions and Maflacres ; but as it is probable, they 
 will every Day, be lefs bigotted, and as their living 
 and converfmg fo much with the Proteftants, and 
 their going into their ways of Thinking and Living, 
 has taken off the Edge of their Animofity ; one 
 wou’d hope we fhall be in no Danger from fuch Ac¬ 
 cidents hereafter. < ’ ' ' ~ 
 
 Swift. I wifh and believe it, Tom, in Charity ; 
 yet ftill their Religion, and their fuperftitious Pilgri¬ 
 mages, Nunneries, Holidays, (as we difcourfed al¬ 
 ready) make them lazy and indolent; and their 
 yearly Lents, and weekly Falls, indifpofe if they do 
 not difable their labouring Poor to Work as much 
 as their Wants require; the fpiritual Taxes which they 
 pay their numerous Clergy', of all Denominations, 
 who in the Words of the Prdphet, ‘ Eat up the Sins 
 • ■ of 
 
[ 102 ] 
 
 of the People, keep them very low, and unable, as 
 well as unwilling to join us in ferving the Nation; and 
 their Language and Manners thq’ improv’d, yet ftiil 
 continue fuch a Difference between -us and-them, as 
 muff long keep us disjointed, and therefore broken 
 in our Strength as a Community. At prefent we 
 ' make a drift to live Civily together, but are fo far 
 from being clofely United, as by Cafe arid Manage¬ 
 ment we might be; that we feem like fome married 
 Couples, to be rather yoak’d together by Law, than 
 tied by mutual Affection. But I fhall pals over this 
 great Source of Diflention among us, as much as it 
 hurts us, to take Notice of another ill-omen’d Circum- 
 ftance to our Welfare, and that is the terrible Par¬ 
 ties and Faftions among Proteftants, which alfo quite 
 enervate our Force as a Nation. I remember when I 
 liv’d in England, in the 'four laft ftormy Years of 
 Queen Ann's Reign, I made a few Verfes, (tho’ I 
 never Printed them for fear of Lord Bollinbroke) on 
 High and Low Church, which may be applied to Ire, 
 land on this Occafion. 
 
 For as two Sawyers in a Pit, 
 
 'Toiling a tnajjy Beam to Slit , 
 
 'A like their Skill and Prowefs Jhow, - 
 While one draws High and t'other Low. 
 
 So Whig and Tory, Britain tear 
 Afunder, and her Strength impair. 
 
 While Faflions all their Arts renew, 
 
 To cut the Nation into Two. 
 
 This will ever weaken all Governments tho’ never 
 fo ftrongly cemented otherwife; but in Ireland it muff 
 add Ruin to our natural Infirmities. 
 
 Priq*. 
 
( 103 ) 
 
 Trior. It is very true, and yet we cherifh Faction* 
 as if we were to thrive by them, tho’ they prey on 
 the Vitals of our Country, but I believe there is no 
 Nation in Europe , that ads fo much againft her own 
 Welfare as Ireland , or fuffers more remarkably by ir. 
 The great Maxim of it’s being madnefs to Truft 
 Men’s Promifes and Engagements, but that we are 
 quite fafe to Truft their real Interefts, feldom holds 
 true in Ireland , for here you may truft Men’s Words 
 fafely in moft Things, but they are fcarce ever to be 
 depended on, where you wou’d imagine the Intereft 
 of the Kingdom fecures them to you. It is' 
 ftrange to eonfider the Violence alfo with which they 
 Ad againft each other, for if fome hot People had 
 their Will, they wou’d in their Contefts hang up one 
 third of the Nation on ill Reports, and then on the 
 leaft Turn of the Tide, when they cool, they are as 
 ready to String up all their beloved Informers, as Slan¬ 
 derers ; if that general Inclination People have to 
 liften to Malice, did not prevail on them to fparp 
 them. 
 
 Swift. One wou’d imagine where fo much Pa(- 
 fionisftiewn, that they wrangled for foinething very 
 Important; but as it is obferv’d, that none are fo li¬ 
 tigious as the Poor, becaufe they have but little to 
 lofe., fo our People keep up the heat of their Parties 
 (which if it cools, like that of a Glafs-Houfe all 
 Work ftops) by every Trifle, by every Word, by 
 pvery Donbt, that can give the leaft Colour for a 
 Difference.. In a high Sea and a weak crazy Ship, one 
 wou’d fuppofe there Ihou’d be no Difpute in th* 
 H 4 Crew, 
 
-[ 104 ] 
 
 Crew, but who fhou’d flop the Leaks and ply the 
 Pumps fafteft; but we mind every Thing but our 
 fifety, which we facrifice to our ardour for Noife and 
 Wrangling, and prefer our Refentments to our Lives. 
 If our great Partifans of both Sides, difputed, who 
 fhou’d ferve their Country moft eflentially, or who 
 fhou’d promote the Tillage or Manufactures of the 
 Kingdom in the beft Manner, it wou’d make us the 
 the happieft of Nations. This wou’d be as noble 
 a Contention of our Demagogues, as that of the Ho- 
 ratii and Curiatii, for the Grandeur and Glory of Rome 
 and Alba , and wou’d end like that in Reconcilement 
 and Peace. If any Thing cou’d calm or unite us, 
 the Angle Reflection wou’d do it, that if the joint 
 force and weight of the Nation, was employ’d in 
 pufhing on its true Interefts, (whenever they came 
 to be debated) nothing cou’d withftand or endanger 
 them. But we break our Strength, by crumbling in¬ 
 to mean Divilxons, petty Interefts and private Views. 
 and while every one’s Charity begins at home, the 
 Publick is beggar’d and no one relieves it. The gene¬ 
 ral Welfare is quite over-look’d, while low-minded 
 Wretches are taking Care of their particular Advan¬ 
 tages ; and I have ever obferv’d that when Places and 
 Penfions and Preferments were fettled, the real Bufi- 
 nefs of the Nation and its Parties, was thought to be 
 as providentially adjufted, as that of a Match between 
 two Families, when the Portion and Jointures, and 
 Provifions for younger Children were agreed on. In 
 fhort, Tom, the Mifery of our Cafe is, that the good 
 of our Country, like the Happinefs of another Life, 
 is oftner talk’d of for fhew, than purfued in reality. 
 
 Prior. 
 
( I0 5 ) 
 
 Prior. Indeed Dean, I have very long regarded,our 
 Contentions and Parties in this Kingdom, in the fame 
 Light you do, and that inftead of ever keeping in 
 View the great Interefts of Ireland , Men bawl out 
 their Country! their Country ! and mean nothing 
 but thcmfelves, advancing their Leaders, and there¬ 
 by fecuring proper Emoluments, for every little 
 Slave and Hireling that join with them. But what is 
 moll furprizing is, that while People are fo cool to the 
 Publick Interefts, and to Things of the higheft Im¬ 
 portance ; they are furious for Trifles, and every Ima¬ 
 gination, every Guefs, every nothing will fet their 
 Paflions in a Flame. 
 
 Swift. I have often lamented that Circumftance, 
 as to this poor Ifland. In truth, Tow, our Divifions 
 and Factions here, are frequently as filly as thofe of 
 two Gamefters, who tho’ they play, for nothing, will 
 Quarrel dreadfully about cutting and dealing the Cards, 
 and winning the Game. I am afham’d to fay it, but 
 the Contefts and brawling of Children at their Pufli- 
 pin, are fometimes fubftantial Things, to. the 
 Jangles and Feuds, I have known our Parties on forre 
 Occafions contend about, and alas ! all we get by it, 
 is to give our Enemies Pleafure, and our Friends Des¬ 
 pair, while they fee our wretched Country, quite for¬ 
 got in the Squabble, and nothing but Power and 
 Places,, private. Gain and fordid Interefts attend¬ 
 ed to. But I will dwell no longer On this me¬ 
 lancholy Subjefl, which looks fo ill for this 
 poor Kingdom, and I will now go to another Topick, 
 in which the Conduit, of our Countrymen is altoge¬ 
 ther as blameable, and is as fatal, a Proof of their 
 Coldnefs to the publick Interefts ; and that is their 
 ftrange 
 
[ io6 ] 
 
 ftrange Negledt in finifhing our Northren Canal, and 
 completing our Collieries in Tyrone. 
 
 Prior. lean never think of the fcandalous Mis¬ 
 managements in both thofe Affairs, without Shame 
 and Concern. They are a Diigrace to our Country, 
 either as to the Honefty or the Skillfulnels of the Un¬ 
 dertakers, as to different Parts of the Works relating 
 to the Canal, as a'fo as to the conducing the Defign, 
 and dilburang the Money employed on the Collieries, 
 
 SwiFT.We are not only the floweit Thinkers of 
 what will do us Good, but we are the moll ilothlul 
 alfb, in bringing fuch Thoughts into Execution. The 
 Newry Canal has been carried on, under the Sanction 
 of an Act of Parliament, and the Superintendance of 
 the Navigation-board above twenty Years: And tho’ 
 io Holland , fuch a Work wou’d have been finifh’d in 
 half the Time, and by fuperior Skill, Oeconomy, and 
 Honefty, at half the Expence i yet, after laying out 
 iminenfe Sums, there are ftill many Thoufands want¬ 
 ing to make it a truly finilh’d Affair. As with much 
 ado we found out, that our own Hills abounded with 
 the nobleft Coal in the World, and that our Pover¬ 
 ty forced us to confider, that we paid on an Average 
 about 60000 /. a Year for Whitehaven Coal, the Nation 
 at laft undertook making the Canal frdtn Lough Neagh, 
 -to the Sea, in Hopes they wou’d turn that vaft Drain 
 of Money, when w'e cou’d ftop it, to better Purpofes 
 at home. Accordingly great Funds were affigned it, 
 -and an infinite Number of Hands and Heads (or Peo¬ 
 ple that wore Heads) employed on it for a long Space 
 of Time i and yet after vaft Sputter, erring and re-er¬ 
 ring 
 
[io 7 ] 
 
 ring, correcting and re-correCting, and expending 
 nea? 60000 l. the Work is far from being compleat- 
 ed; nor can we yet fay we are fecure of our Canal or 
 our Coal. Much has been promis’d, and yet by Mif- 
 managements or Misfortunes, and different Obftacles, 
 little has been done. to anfwer the Expectations that 
 were raifed; and tho’ we were■ allured we Ihou’d in a 
 few Years have at lead: 20000 Ton of Coals brought 
 every Year to Dublin , to help our Poor, we have not 
 yet got 500. 
 
 Prior. I cannot account for the Difappointment, 
 and it well deferves the Nation’s Enquiry. If, as l 
 heard good Judges fay, the Work could have been 
 finilh’d in five Years Time, what have we loft, who 
 for the laft fifteen Years, have paid fuch vaft Sums to 
 Whitehaven, that we might have fayed? And how 
 much better had we managed, had we laid out double 
 what it has. coft us at the firft, and cut (hort both our 
 jLofs and our Trouble ? 
 
 Swift. Very true; but inftead of this, they have, 
 with true Irijh Tolicy, contrived to give large Salla- 
 ries to fome Favourites to carry on the Work, and 
 thus, in Effeft, brib’d them to delay the Undertak¬ 
 ing they were hired to finifh. Thus thefe Plotters 
 againft themfelves fink this noble, generous Defign, 
 into a low, miferable Job, and inftead of aflifting the 
 Kingdom, they provide for five or fix Families, that 
 live comfortably on protracting the Execution. If the 
 Colliery Company, whole Intereft it is to finifh the 
 Canal, wou’d undertake the completing it, and fix 
 the Terms with the Navigation-Board, we Ihou’d foon 
 fee 
 
[ 108 ] 
 
 the Matters well mended; but till that is done, we 
 lhall get nothing but half-work for double Time, and 
 treble Charges. 
 
 Prior. The Board will take Care of it; but though 
 they fliou’d exert themfelves ever fo warmly, in fi- 
 nilhing the Canal, we can never hope for the Coal, 
 unlefe the Nation makes a Waggon-Way of about 
 5000 Yards to the River; and as this will coft as many 
 thoufand Pounds, we mull wait at leaft a Summer or 
 two for that, in cafe the Parliament Ihou’d generoufly 
 -add this finall Suni to all their former Bounties. When 
 I confider, that this Kingdom lofes fo immenfely every 
 Year, that we want our Canal and our Coals, it makes 
 me uneafy to think, we are after fo many Years dif- 
 puting about them, when we ought to be enjoying 
 them; but as the remaining Part of the Expence, to 
 finilh this noble Defign, is quite inconfiderable, com¬ 
 pared to the Benefit we expedt from it; and as the 
 Nation muft not be trifled with any longer, I hope we 
 lhall fee it foon compleated. For feme Years it has 
 :had the good Fortune, to" be conducted through many 
 -Obftacles, under the Dire&ion of a Prelate to 
 whole Skill and Zeal, whenever the Canal fucceeds, 
 Ireland is deeply indebted, and will’be forever oblig’d 
 on that Account, to mention his Name with Honour. 
 This is an encouraging Circumftance, and this further 
 Hope of its Succefs, is left us, that it is now in the 
 Hands of the natural Guardians of our Country, the 
 Parliament; and as they well know whgt a vaft In¬ 
 fluence cheap or dear Coals have on many of our 
 
 His Grace of Tuan. ■■ 
 
 Manu- 
 
[ io 9 ] 
 
 Manufactures, they will never let us be much longer 
 deprived of this Bleffing, which we expeft from their 
 Zeal to relieve all the Wants of Ireland. 
 
 Swift. They need not be told, (though however 
 if I was alive I would tell them of it) that if it coft us 
 20000 /. more, the Defign well deferves it; and if it 
 took a much larger Sum, it wou’d be a cheap Pur- 
 chafe of 60000 /. per Annum faved to Ireland, which 
 will be unqueftionably the Cafe in a few Years. After 
 having been fuch Spendthrifts lb long, it looks like Im¬ 
 pudence for us to talk of faving; but as Sicknefs is fome- 
 times the Caufe of Health, fo Misfortunes and Mif- 
 conduCt may force us to be happy. It feems impof- 
 fible, that either our Canal, or our Collieries, can any 
 longer be delayed or neglected, and much lefs left in 
 utter Danger.pf mifcarrying, as I know it was for fome 
 Time; but I muft fay, it is a Grief to every Friend 
 of Ireland, and a Satire on our Underftandings, as well 
 as our public Spirit, that we were fo long in difcover- 
 ing fuch a Leak, and afterwards fo tedious in flopping 
 it up. If we were not a Nation as much made for 
 Plunder, as fmaller Animals are for Prey, we fhould 
 long fince have remedied this and many other Evils; 
 but ’tis our peculiar Lot, to flarve, like our old Friend 
 Tantalus, with the Meat at our Mouths, to want Bread 
 with the richeft Fields in Europe under our Feet, and 
 to want Fire with the nobleft Mountains of Coals be¬ 
 fore our Eyes. 
 
 Prior. To fee our Errors is one good Step to re- 
 move them; and if once our Legiflature fets vigo- 
 roufly about proper Methods and Remedies for all our 
 Diftrefles, 
 
[ 1*0 3 
 
 Diftrefles, there is Hope that their Zeal way make 
 Things take a happier Turn, for this poor King¬ 
 dom. 
 
 Swift. I wifli I.may fee fijch a blefled Change in 
 our Affairs, but Seafons and AfpeCts are a little un- 
 promifing; and what difcourages me the more is, an¬ 
 other dreadful Quality of our People, that of their 
 being fo ready to deiert .and forfake their Country, 
 which they leave as fillily as Birds quit their Neffs, 
 Upon every little Fright or Difturbance, or juft, to gra¬ 
 tify a wandering Humour, and to chufe a Situation 
 they like better. Our Noblemen and Gentlemen leave 
 us for Pleafure and Amufement, and our Poor for 
 Bread and Wages, which we cannot or will not pro¬ 
 vide them at home; and fome run off for mere Safe¬ 
 ty, as they fee our Diftrefles, and fly from us by. the 
 feme fort of Inftind that Rats forfake a faking Houfe, 
 Thus a Family where the Matter firft deferts the Chil¬ 
 dren, and then the Servants follow his Example, can 
 hardly be reduced to a worfe Condition than we are, 
 by this epidemical Madnefs of wandering to England, 
 Though the great Gain fhe makes by their refiding 
 there, will never allow her to drive them back to us, 
 yet one wou’d expeCt the very Contempt and NegleCt 
 they meet with there, wou’d make them return to a 
 Country, where they wou’d be fb much honour’d, 
 and where they well know they are fo much wanted. 
 At the fame Time I make no doubt, if the old Sta¬ 
 tutes, which punifh’d all Abfentees with the Forfeiture 
 of their Lands here, were to be revived, and they 
 were thereby obliged, to improve the Induftry, Arts 
 and Manufactures of our People, England wou’d in 
 Time 
 
{ III ] 
 
 Time receive great Advantages by the Change. Mean 
 ■while they, apd all the Earth, fee the Deftrudion they 
 bring on us, by their deferting us in fo ungenerous a 
 Manner; and tho’ the Caufe and the Cure are fo evi¬ 
 dent, it avails us no more; than the Knowledge of his 
 Diftemper does the poor Wretch that lies a dying. If 
 they flay’d with us, and help’d us, we fhou’d foon re¬ 
 cover our natural Strength of Conftitution, and be¬ 
 come both an induftrious and an important People; 
 whereas now, we are almoff a Cypher in the aftive 
 and commercial World, and a mere Appendix to an¬ 
 other Nation; while, like ill-coupled Hounds, by 
 drawing different Ways, we fometimes rather difturb 
 than helpone another. If I had Hopes to get a Law 
 pafs’d, to burn every Clergyman who does not refide, 
 to hang every Gentleman, and behead every Noble¬ 
 man, who delert their Country for their Amufement, 
 
 I wou’deven be content to return to the World, and 
 follicit Votes for it; but without taking up the Burden 
 of Life again, I fhou’d feel Joy in my Grave, to have 
 their Eftates faddled with a conftant Tax as a Fine for 
 Abfence. How lightly foever Gentlemen regard this 
 Defertion of their native Soil, it is certainly a Crime 
 no good or great Mind can be capable of: And the 
 Officer who quits his Quarters, or the Sailor who-for- 
 fakes his Ship, do not better deferve to be mulk’d in 
 their Pay than they do. 
 
 Prior. I think it a little odd, Mr. Dean , that while 
 we fee our Countrymen deferting us fo generally, and 
 lament it fo loudly, we yet take fuch Meafuresas if 
 we thought they did not go away faft enough; and 
 therefore fend off our Criminals, to labour, and breed, 
 and 
 
( "2 ) 
 
 and enrich America. Tho’ this wretched Eland is the 
 moft improvable, and the leaft improved Part of the 
 habitable Earth, we drive away from us our Felons, 
 though, if we kept them confin’d to hard Labour, 
 the Kingdom wou’d receive all the Profit of their 
 Work, and by this Means a converted Criminal, 
 like a penitent Sinner, wou’d be of more Ufe, and a 
 better Man, than if he had never tranfgrefled at all. 
 
 Swift. There may be fome ill Confequences in 
 that Method of punifhing Felons, as well as fome 
 good ones; for in a Complication of Diforders, fuch 
 as Ireland labours under, what helps the one is perni¬ 
 cious to the other. It is our peculiar Mifery, that the 
 Defertion of fome of our People does not hurt us 
 more, than the Sleepinefs, the Inactivity and Heed- 
 leflhefs of thofe that ftay behind. Many of our com¬ 
 mon Irijb know as little of the Benefits of ufeful La¬ 
 bour, as the Savages in the Weft Indies ; and are more 
 inclined to live by Theft and Rapine, than by ufing 
 their Hands and toiling their Bodies. Nay, Crowds 
 of our Gendemen are as indolent (as we obfervefi on 
 another Occafion) as their Slaves are lazy; and feem 
 as unwilling to improve their Eftates, as if they thought 
 their Tenures were as uncertain, and as fubjeft to 
 Change, as ever their Anceftors found them. At 
 prefent, there are few Kingdoms in Europe , where 
 the Titles to them are fo indifputably fettled as they 
 are ;n Ireland , and yet they improve more in France , 
 where ail depends on the King’s Will, than in Ireland , 
 where the Property of the Subject is fo impregnably 
 fecured by the Laws. Of fuch Force is the Genius 
 of a Nation in regulating our Manners, and forming 
 our 
 
( *13 ) 
 
 dur'Cuftbms. t a flu re you, dear Tm, I could name 
 Crowds of our Irijb Gentlemen, that wou’d double 
 their Effaces, if they would live on them, and ditch 
 them, and drain them, and build them, and plant 
 them, with half the Skill and Application of a rich 
 fenfible Farmer in England ; nay, I know fome of 
 them that are fo fituated, that they would quadruple 
 their Rents in fome Years, if they wou’d build Towns, 
 and fet up Manufactures on them with proper’Care. 
 There are few of them that have not before their Eyes 
 (if they wou’d open them) Inftances of thefe Things 
 ni every County, and yet are no more influenced by it, 
 than, if there was no more Encouragement.for Arts or 
 Induftry, thinking or working, in this Ifland, than 
 there is in Borneo or Madagascar. 
 
 Prior. There are many Reafons to be affigned, for 
 this great Miftake in the Conduct of fome of our Irijb 
 Gentlemen, Mr. Dean, if we wanted to examine into 
 thefe Matters; but as to what you was faying, as tcf 
 their neglecting to live, and plant, and build on their 
 Eftates, I have wondered, fince we cannot hope to get 
 a Law to force our Abfentees home, that we don’t 
 make one to oblige all Gentlemen, to build and keep' 
 in Repair one Manfion-houfe on their Lands, of fuch 
 and fuch Dimenfions, with proper Offices, fuitable to 
 their Incomes. If this took in even Freeholders of 
 20 or 30 1 , a Year, throughout the Kingdom, it would 
 have a great EffeCt, and encreafe the Number of our 
 Inhabitants, in this deferted Country, as well as the 
 King’s Revenue, by many thoufand additional Hearths, 
 and comfortable Places of Refidence. At the fame 
 Time, I cannot fee one Objection to fo ufeful a Law, 
 but that nobody would get by it but the Public, and 
 that many private Gentlemen and Abfentees wovt’d be 
 forced to be ufeful to us and their Families whether 
 they'wou’d or no, which wou’d probably be thoughts 
 terrible Hardlhip by fome People. 
 
 Swift. 'Why, Tom, I cannot but fay, fuch a Law 
 wou’d be of great life in fo naked a Country as this, 
 1 where 
 
( ”4 ) 
 
 where one wou’d imagine many of us were defcend- 
 ed from the Ringleaders in the Building the Tower of 
 Babel ; and that by their being then punifhed, for 
 meddling too much in Stone and Morter, we have 
 contracted an Averfion to all Building ever fince ; but 
 whenever fuch a Law is to be pafs’d, I could wifh 
 they wou’d add another to it, that wou’d not only 
 build our Country, but plant it iurprifingly too. 
 
 Prior. And pray what Law is it? For I am ready, 
 like fome good Patriots (who get others to think for 
 them) to vote for it, right or wrong; nay, before 
 I know what it is, fince fo good a Friend propo- 
 fes it. 
 
 . Swift. Why, my Aft of Parliament is enough to 
 frighten all good Proteftants, and is to impower every 
 Landlord, notwithftanding Setdements, to fet Leafes 
 for ever, of ten or twenty Acres, even to Papifts, at 
 the full referved Rent, who wou’d build good Houfes 
 of Stone and Lime, of fuch and fuch. Dimenfions, 
 and inclofe and plant an Orchard and Garden of at. 
 leaft one Acre, and keep them in Repair, on pain of 
 voiding the Tenure. This wou’d, in a few Years, in- 
 creafe the Number of our Houfes and Orchards pro- 
 digioufly; and the more as our Natives are very fond 
 of having Lands and Tenements in their own Coun¬ 
 try, and are willing to give this Pledge of their Alle¬ 
 giance, which fo many of them, for Want of fuch 
 Ties, fit too Ioofe in. I am fenfible what an Outcry, 
 many honeft Gentlemen wou’d make to this Law ; but 
 I am fure it wou’d improve our Country to an high 
 Degree; nor do I fee what fhou’d hinder us to allow 
 Papifts to purchafe Lands, (and elpecially the old for¬ 
 feited Lands) to a limited Value, and without allow¬ 
 ing them a Vote, provided they built and inclofed 
 them in proportion to the Eftate: But who can bear 
 to throw away their Thoughts on a Nation, that mind 
 their own Dreams and Habits of Thinking more than 
 the Reafonings of others ; who cannot be prevailed on 
 to fet up new Manufaftures, at the Inftances and Ex- 
 hortatio 
 
( ”5 ) 
 
 hortations of a Lord Lieutenant, nay, not at the Ad¬ 
 vice, and, (hall I add, even the Entreaties of that 
 illuftrious Patriot and Friend to Ireland, my Lord 
 
 Prior. You mean the making Paper here, which- 
 that Nobleman, with a Zeal equal to his Undemand¬ 
 ing, honoured me with fo many Letters about; and 
 took fo much Pains, with many ufeful Friends of our 
 Country, to get effectually eftablifhed in Ireland. 
 
 Swift, I do; and I want to vent my Spleen, in 
 abufing my Countrymen, for the inconfiderable Pro- 
 grefs which has been made in fo excellent a Defign. 
 Certainly, though we have made fome Advances that 
 Way, if we had carried them on with the lead Share 
 of that Nobleman’s Spirit, we (hou’d have brought it 
 to much greater Perfection than we have done. Even 
 with what little Care and Encouragement we have b'e- 
 ftowed on it, if we continue to cultivate it, we may 
 expedt in fome Years to improve it fo far, as to be 
 able to export large Quantities, and fee it fwell and 
 increafe, in proportion to the great Material for it, our 
 Linen. But, as if we were afraid too many Arts 
 wou’d enrich us too faft, or take up more Hands than 
 we cou’dfpare; we have given this ufeful Undertak¬ 
 ing fo little Afliftance, that it has by no means made 
 the Advances we cou’d have expected from it; and 
 we have juft left it, like a lovely exotic Flower, to 
 live or die at the Mercy of an unfavourable Seafon, 
 and a wintry Climate. This puts our Giddinefs, in 
 overlooking every offered Advantage, and our Supine- 
 nefs as to all Attempts to improve our Circumftances, 
 in a very indifferent Light; we wear better Linen, and 
 more of it, than moft of our neighbouring Kingdoms, 
 (our Numbers and Poverty fairly coniidered ) nay, and 
 we wear them to Rags too, and yet we will not lave 
 thofe Rags for the Paper-mill; nor will we, when they 
 are turned into Paper, buy it, while we can purcbafe 
 better and dearer from France and Holland. In (hort, 
 
 I 2 we 
 
(” 6 ) 
 
 we are a People, 7 cm, miferable amidft a Crowd of 
 Opportunities to be happy, for Want of a little Acti¬ 
 vity and Management, a little Sobriety and Care; arid 
 one of the moft alleviating Circumftances of my 
 Death was, my being delivered from the Torment, 
 of endeavouring to ferve Ireland to r.o Purpcfe. 
 
 Prior. Indeed, Mr. Dear, , I cannot but allow there 
 is too much Truth in . many of your Attacks and A- 
 bufes of our unfortunate Countrymen •, and yet I am 
 tempted to return to my old Reveries, and to think, 
 notwithftanding all their Difadvantages, if I had lived 
 ten Years longer in Ireland , I fhou’d have been able 
 to have made vaft Alterations among them for the 
 better. 
 
 Swift. No, Tom, not if you had lived longer than 
 Methufelab. Coniider, Man, tho’ there are Remedies 
 for the Sick, and Helps for the Dying, there are none 
 for the Dead; and in that Light, I have been ufed to 
 confider Ireland of a long Time. But prithee, Tom , 
 let me know the whole of your Scheme; What wou’d 
 you have done ? 
 
 Prior. Why, if you will hear me calmly, Mr. 
 Dean, I will give you a fair Account of what I wou’d 
 have attempted at leafc, 2nd to open all my Heart to 
 you, that was one of the main Subjects I called at 
 your Tomb to talk to you on, to fee if we could get 
 any of thefe Crawlers on tire Earth to attempt it, by 
 our artfully fuggelting it to him. In fhort, my Pro¬ 
 ject was, by procuring greater and more numerous 
 Subfcriptions, and by extending -and enlarging the 
 Plan of the Dublin Society, to have promoted more 
 than ever the general Good of the Kingdom. 
 
 Swift. You might as well Talk to moft People, 
 of the general Good of Japan. I have told you ab 
 ready they have no Notions of fuch Things : Their 
 Thoughts, their Tafte, their Paflions have another 
 Turn. Did you expect to get more from thofe, who 
 think too much is given already ? Why, Man, do 
 you forget the Pains, the-Application, the Time, and 
 the 
 
{ IJ 7 ) 
 
 the Expence, it coft an old Gentleman of our Ac¬ 
 quaintance, to procure the firft Subfcriptions ? Re¬ 
 coiled alfo, that after fuch plain, vifible, good Ef¬ 
 fects were feen by the whole Kingdom, what Num¬ 
 bers of thofe, who feemed to fubfcribe with Zeal, 
 withdrew their Subfcriptions ; and then confider what 
 Succefs you could have of obtaining larger and more 
 numerous Contributions. 
 
 . Prior. I am but too fenfible, there would be 
 fome Difficulty in it, Mr. Dean-, but, cold and 
 dead as moft Men are, to all great and generous At¬ 
 tempts toferveus, I know by Experience, that there 
 are yet left in Ireland a few chofen Spirits, who 
 wou’d have concurr’d in fuch aDefign, and who had 
 Hearts and Fortunes fuited to the Talk, and almoft 
 equal to the Burthen. But happen what would, I 
 am fure, I Ihould have got lorne reafonable additional 
 Subfidies; and though poffibly they would have been 
 too fmall to anfwer my Purpofe; yet. Hill, I Ihould 
 at leaf!:, have pav’d the Way for fome happier Mart 
 who would have come after me; and 1 Ihould have 
 the Comfort to think, that my too eager Zeal to ferve 
 others, and dillerve myfelf, could not give great Of¬ 
 fence; efpecially, as Men are not likely to meet Im¬ 
 pertinences of this Kind, every Day. This 1 am 
 confident of, that the Ufe and Advantage which that 
 Society, (blelfed be God) has been of to Ireland , will 
 fecure a large adventitious Fund to her hereafter; 
 and tho’ by the Arts of evil Men, it may be damp¬ 
 ed, or dropped for fome Years, there never will be 
 wanting, worthy Spirits in the rifing Generation, who 
 will remember how happily, that Society was fet up 
 and fupported, by a few adtive Gentlemen ; and, that 
 it may be reftored again, and an adequate Fund pro¬ 
 vided for it, by the fame Refolution and Zeal. But, 
 after all, Mr. Dean, I make little Queftion (if I had 
 lived, to apply for larger Subfcriptions) I Ihould 
 not have been difappointed; and, if I had fucceeded, 
 I 3 Ireland 
 
( II*)' 
 
 Ireland fhould have had Caufe to remember ray good 
 Fortune. 
 
 Swift. Alas! Tom, your Hopes were over-heated, 
 I fear; though there are many Squanderers, there are 
 few Givers in Ireland and even among thofe few, the 
 greater Part inftead of giving their Benefa&ions while 
 they live, and can fee them well applied; are laid in 
 their Graves, before their Donations are of ufe to the 
 Living; for People only beftow their Subftance to o- 
 thers, as they do their old Cloathes to their Servants, 
 when they can ufe them no longer. This, makes 
 me fear, Tom , you would have got in few Contribu¬ 
 tions, among our own Countrymen. Alas! Tom , 
 we feemto keep our Repentance for the Time paft, 
 and our Charity for the Future; but the poor prefent 
 Time, is facrificed to the meaneft. Avarice, the falfeft 
 Pleafures, or, the lowed: Ambition; without any 
 Care of the general Welfare of our Country, or one 
 facial With for the Happinefs of our People. 
 
 Prior. I allow all this would hold true, if the 
 great and admirable Effe&s of the Society’s Prae- 
 miums, did not make it highly probable, that I 
 fhould have prevailed with feveral of our worthieft 
 Countrymen, to have aflifted fo great and fo fuccefs- 
 ful an Undertaking. When Men fee they have it in 
 their Power, if they will join together, to deliver their 
 Country from all it’s calamitous Diftrefles; and to be 
 t temfelves the Sources of infinite Bleflings to Mil¬ 
 lions yet unborn, their Hands rebell againft their 
 Hearts, and even Mifers learn to be bounteous. I 
 am not ignorant, how much Men are under the In¬ 
 fluence of their lowed: and pooreft Paflions, yet ftill 
 I am of Opinion, as Stingy as they generally are, if 
 they evidently faw, where they could do much Good 
 by their Benefactions, we fhould have more of them 
 in the World than we have. 
 
 Swift. I doubt, Tom, you miftake that Matter, 
 egregioufly, for nine Tenths of our Donations, I 
 fear,'"proceed more from our Vanity than our Virtue. 
 
 Numbers 
 
C ”9 ) 
 
 Numbers give, as our great Matter tells us, tp be 
 feen of Men ; and for that Reafon, probably, it is, 
 that there are fo few fecret Corbans offered up to 
 Heaven, and not to the World ; and if this be fo, 
 ’tis plain, that People give more for the Oftentation of 
 having given, than the good they hope to get done 
 by it, and therefore you mutt have met with few ge¬ 
 nerous Subfcribers. 
 
 Priot. I cannot approve of your Thoughts on this 
 Point, nay, on the contrary, I am confident moft 
 People give for the heavenly Joy of giving, and the 
 feeing much Good likely to be the Confequence of 
 their Bounty; and from the fame Way of Think¬ 
 ing, where there is little Hope of fuch Confequences, 
 Men give more coldly and illiberally. I will alfo 
 add, that the perceiving, how unfkilfully (and there¬ 
 fore unfuccefsfully) many beftow their Alms, is the 
 Death of Charity, and the great Obftacle to generous 
 Donations in others. It grieves me to fay, that I 
 . have often obferved, that too few give with 
 Judgment. 
 
 Pet dere multi fciunt, donarepauci. 
 
 And Numbers, through an ill concerted generofity, 
 do not half the Good they might do, if they appro¬ 
 priated their Gifts with proper Skill, and knew the 
 happy Art of giving. But giving largely to the 
 Dublin Society, has not one Objeftion againft it, and 
 anfwers every End the human Soul can afk for,. when 
 it fcatters the Dung of the Earth, to enrich the 
 World. You well kngjv, Dean , to give even to an 
 ufeful Purpofe, which ends with the Occafion that 
 calls for it; falls fhbrt of thofe Charities, which ex¬ 
 tends their Views to future Ages; and therefore, to 
 affift Societies, that are contriving for the Welfare of 
 Nations, is a nobler Donation, than relieving private 
 Wants that die away with the Perfon relieved.. I 
 will go yet further, Mr. Dean, fince I have touch’d 
 on this Topick, and affert, that to give, where Vir- 
 I 4 " . ... tuc 
 
( no ) 
 
 tue andlnduftry are the Confequence of theBenefac* 
 tion, you muft allow is of higher Ufe, than relieving 
 Diftxeues, which have been occafioned by Vice or 
 Extravagance, and may probably end in them. Nay, 
 to give under fuch Conditions, as mtift inevitably 
 draw in others, to join in your Charity, and enlarge 
 your Hopes-of ferving Mankind, is of the greateft 
 Ufe; as it brings in Crowds to co-operate with you, 
 and vaftly out-do your Benefactions; and -to give to a 
 Plan of Charity, which is as likely to encreafe as 'a 
 River, the farther it goes, is of yet greater Service, 
 than to give where their Subfcription Ends like a 
 Shower of Rain, in watering the Earth for a 
 rnent, and vanifhes with the next Sun. Laftly, to 
 give to a few, and yet to make Numbers induftrious 
 and and laborious, in Hopes of receiving your Boun-? 
 ty, though they never obtain it, is of yet more 
 Weight and Importance; and this is plainly the Cafe 
 of all Premiums, where they are faithfully diftribut- 
 ed. Now, all thefe Confiderations accompany every 
 Subfcription to my enlarged Plan, and thence I was 
 apt to flatter myfelf I fliould be fuccefsful, if I had 
 liv’d to apply for them. . 
 
 Swift. Well, I (hall drop any Difpute on that 
 Point: But, pray, ’Tom, be a little more minute in 
 explaining your Views, and let me know if you had 
 many large additional Subfcriptions, how would you 
 have apphed them ? 
 
 Prior. Why, I cannot enter into a long Detail of 
 eyeiy Particular, but I would in General, have 
 doubled the Premiums of moft>of the Articles, which 
 the Society has yet promoted, and in fome of the 
 moft important Improvements and Manufactures, I 
 would have trebled them. By this Means, it is hard¬ 
 ly credible, what a Progrefs we fliould make, in all 
 thofe Sublets of Hufbandry and manual Arts in a 
 few Tears; and how vve fliould work up the Induftry 
 and Skill of our People, by every Incentive that Pro¬ 
 fit or .Glory could give them. I formerly reckoned 
 up 
 
( 121 ) 
 
 Up many Articles which I may probably feem tedious 
 in repeating now, but you will make Allowances for 
 my Fondnefs and Folly, as you know Mr. Dean, % 
 JLover would as foon be tired with dwelling on the 
 Praifesof his Miftrefs, as I can be with naming the 
 Things, or the Methods by which I flattered myfelf I 
 could have ferved poor Ireland. The reflecting on 
 them made my Life pleafant to me when upon Earth, 
 and the Remembrance of them, fweetens my Grave 
 to me; and therefore, though you may think them 
 but Dreams, allow me the Pleafure of repeating them. 
 I fay, then, with the higheft Joy of Heart, that the 
 enlarging and improving our negleCted Tillage, the 
 encouraging and heightening our old decaying Ma¬ 
 nufactures, and the fetting up new ones (houtd have 
 been the great Care qf my Life, and the extending 
 the Force and Ufe of the Society, when thus advanced 
 to it’s Manhood, beyond what the Weaknefs and In¬ 
 experience of it’s infantine State could perform. I 
 would have nurfed up Crowds of Orphan Arts, and 
 as they grew up, and could Ihift for themfelves, I 
 would have wean’d them, and brought a new Sud- 
 celTion of others in their Place, as far as the Narrow- 
 nefs of the Fund would allow , me. I would have 
 brought over foreign Workmen of all Trades and 
 Profeflions} I would have let up Glafs Manufactures 
 of all Kinds near our Collieries; I would have efta- 
 blilhed our Earthen-Ware in the mod effectual Man¬ 
 ner, and if poflible (by bringing over Hands from 
 Birmingham) I would have improved our Hard-ware to 
 fuch a Degree of Perfection as to flop that terrible 
 Drain of our Calh. I had alfo defigned to allow large 
 Encouragements to bring over Foreigners for improv¬ 
 ing our Silk and Thread Bone-lace for enlarging our 
 Paper and Sugar Bufinefs, which would be a. Saving 
 pf many thoufand Pounds every Year to Ireland. 
 
 Swift. Here is a fine Bundle of Hopes for a Man 
 in Defpair to live comfortably on ! But pray now Tom , 
 have 
 
( 122 ) 
 
 have you done reckoning up all your mighty Projects ■ 
 to make Ireland another Utopia ? I am almoft at the 
 End of my Patience, for to fay Truth, Tom , the Lift 
 of the Ships in Homer’s Iliad is not more tedious. 
 
 Prior. Why, Mr. Dean , to teize you as little as 
 I can, I will drop a Number of others, and only 
 touch curforily on the Advancement of our Silk 
 Manufactures of every Kind, as well as our Ta- 
 peftry. I would have encouraged our Salt-works, 
 and our Ship-building, and i would have fet on Foot 
 a Society, to have fet up and directed our Fifheries 
 both in the North and South Coafts of this. Ifland. If 
 I durft take in fmaller Matters, I would have fet up 
 an experimental Farm and Garden,and inTime allow¬ 
 ed a Salary f-sr aProfeflorinAgriculture, which Columella 
 you knowfo much laments the Want of, and I would 
 have given an yearly Praemium of i oo l. for the beft 
 annual invention in Arts and Hufbandry, as much for 
 the beft Bock yearly in any of the Sciences, and the 
 fame for the beft Englijh Poem ; as Nations are apt 
 tojudge of each others Genius and Talents (I will not 
 lay how juftly) by the Performances they produce 
 this Way. Nay, Mr. Dean , I would have advis’d a Prae- 
 mium of at leaft 100 /. annually, to be given by the 
 Society for the beft Pidure, and alfo, as much for 
 the beft Piece of Sculpture, or Statue ; as thefe two 
 Arts have ever been confider’d as the chief Marks 
 and Charaderiftics of a polite and fenfible Nation, 
 and have always flourilh’d where ever Arts or Learn¬ 
 ing have been encouraged. I had Thoughts of flop¬ 
 ping the vaft drain of our People to America, by 
 hiring Ships which trade thither, to bring back every 
 I rijbman gratis , who difliked the Country, and would 
 rail at it when he got Home. Nay, I had even 
 Thoughts of printing a Collection in Folio, of all 
 the belt Irijb Pamphlets, or at leaft, of all the beft 
 Hints in them, relating to the Service of our Coun¬ 
 try. I would have done my utmoft to have gotten 
 the beft and nobleft Members of the Society (as great 
 and good Men communicate Virtue to their Friends 
 
( I2 3 ) 
 
 as the Loadftone invigorates the Needle it touches) to 
 have petitioned the Parliament for fumptuary Laws, 
 for Hofpitals in every County Town, for eftablifhing 
 a national Bank, for illuminating our Coafts, with 
 Light-houfes as carefully as our Streets with 
 Lamps; for applying to his' Majefty for a Mint for 
 our Copper and Silver Coinage, and alfo for harden¬ 
 ing it to prevent its wearing; as well as for forming 
 Canals for affifting our inland Navigation, and for 
 working up our Collieries, and opening thofe hidden 
 Treafures our Mines. I would have promoted by ju¬ 
 dicious Premiums.- 
 
 Swift. Hold! Stop! Where is the Man going? 
 Are you failing in Quell of the North-Weft Paffage 
 to make a Ihort Cut to Wealth and Trade of your 
 own imagining? You boddered me enough with 
 many of thefe Articles already, and do you exped 
 I can be as little tired with them as you are ? When¬ 
 ever you enter upon this Subject, you run on, Head 
 foremoft, like a mad Hound on the Road, without 
 minding what’s before you; weak Men, I find, tho’ 
 they cannot Think without Talking, can Talk with¬ 
 out Thinking. Was there ever fuch a Hodge-Podge 
 of Reveries, muftered up by a living Author, to fay 
 nothinng of a dead one, that Ihould have a little 
 more Senfe ? Why there is not in all Bedlam, a Man 
 fo abfurdly diftraded by an Over-load of Projeds. 
 You are a fweet Politician indeed, Tow, and juft as 
 fit to conquer Nations as to mend them. What enthu- 
 fiaftical Delufions fluff thy Noddle? Will you never 
 remember mundus vult vadere quo vult and be fatisfied 
 to leave the World to him that made it, and King¬ 
 doms to thofe he has appointed to govern them ? 
 Thefe high flown Whims of yours, are juft as prac¬ 
 ticable, as Archimedes his moving the Earth out of it’s 
 Place, and it provokes me to hear fuch impoflible 
 Projeds declaim’d on by fuch a Vifionary, fuch a 
 Stockjobber in Politicks ! 
 
 Prior. 
 
( 124 ) 
 
 Prior. You try my Temper too far, I neither can 
 nor will bear your infolent contemptuous Way of 
 converfmg, or your opprobrious provoking Language. 
 If you attack my favourite Foible with fuch Acrimony, 
 you mull:expect 1 will not fpare fome of yours: As 
 for your fneering at my Politicks, I own I never was 
 a Politician, nor did I ever fet up for one. I had too 
 rational an Head, I thank Heaven, and too honeft an 
 Heart, to allow me to make any great Progrefs that 
 Way. And now, Mr. Dean, I mull tell you very 
 frankly, I never faw or heard any eminent Proofs of 
 your extraordinary Skill as a Politician, except a vaft 
 Crowd of Pamphlets; And what arc they but the mere 
 Cobwebs of Politicks, that owe their Birth to the Houfe 
 being neglected, and are all fwept away when it is 
 clean’d ? You was a pretty good Patriot, but you had 
 fo much of the Politician, tha next to tak ing Care of 
 others, you loved to take Care of yourlelt, and all 
 pollible Care too. You kept a good Byafs on your 
 Bowl to get near the Jack at long run and fecure a 
 Mitre; and tho’ when vou were difappointed, you 
 furioully attack’d the Miniftry and pleaded your Coun¬ 
 try’s Caufe with due Refentment; yet even then, 
 your Revenge when over-tired, flept like an Hare 
 with it’s Eyes open, that while you watch’d for the 
 publick Good, you Ihould not overlook your own. 
 Befides, let me tell you Dean, if you will be taunting, 
 that if the political Secrets of the latter End of the 
 Queen’s Reign were detected, you would be found as 
 rank a Jacobite as many Authors in thofe Days reprer 
 fented yeu to the World. 
 
 Swift. I think you have borrowed fome of their 
 fort of Spite, for you feem to be in a great Fury with 
 little Reafon for it. But I mull tell you, Sir, though 
 thofe Authors were ever miftaken when they called me 
 a Jacobite, I never was in the wrong when I called 
 them Fools. As for your political Secrets, let me be 
 allowed to fet you right, for I aflure you there are no 
 fuch Things in England. Men are fuch fievilh leaky 
 Mortals there, that they can’t conceal even their own 
 Rogueries; for political Secrets told to Britons, tho’ 
 under 
 
( 125 ) 
 
 under Vows of Secrecy, are like Bonds for great Sums 
 feal’d in private, but judgment is foon enter’d up it) 
 die public Offices, and all the World knows in a trice 
 what has pais’d. As for the kind Hints thofe Writers 
 honoured me with, I aflure you, Sir, I dtfpiled them 
 as fincerely as ydur Anger now. Their Talents were 
 incapable of hurting any but them!rive?, and there¬ 
 fore l forgave them, as the Law pardons Children and 
 Ideots. It is true, where their Spite appeared very 
 invcnom’d, I took other Meafures; for then, as the 
 Statute Ipeaks of Boys, Malitii fuplet etatm (Malice 
 fuppjies their 1 Want of Age) and I pepper’d them off 
 riotwithftaudihg theirFVly, to frighten lilly Scribblers 
 from playing with inch edg’d Tools again. But after' 
 all, what were their Works ag.ii.ift me, but a mere 
 hot Hath of cold Meat, of fifty half read politi¬ 
 cal Authors, and unknown common-place Party-Wri¬ 
 ters, mix’d up with common Reports, and a few in- 
 fipid iifcie/s Scraps of their own taftclefs Traill and fac¬ 
 tious Venom. 
 
 Piuos. We that are dead and love Truth, know 
 that melt Boo’ks, and efpecially Party Books are 
 made like their Paper of old Scraps and Rags pickr 
 up here and there ; but however, their Works in 
 thofe Days pleafed the World, had an infinite num¬ 
 ber of Applauders, and made you fufficiently jealous 
 of the Talents of their Authors. 
 
 Swift. I jealous! I. deteft, I renounce the 
 Thought! I was never jealous of any Man but my 
 felf, left I fhould fall ftiort of that Glory, which I 
 knew I had' gained, and feared I might lofe again. 
 I ever judg’d when a Man has wrote a good Book, he 
 fhould Stop as Jupiter did when he begot Hercules ^left 
 his next Produdion, fhould be found vaftly beneath 
 the former ; and therefore I was as fufpicious of my 
 fcribling Temper, as Phyficians fay an over-fed 
 Glutton fhould be of his Finger’s Ends. But I fcorn’d 
 tnv Antagonifts too much, to be jealous of them, or 
 even to be Angry with them ; for tho’ they abufed 
 me very Generally and very Grolly, my chief De¬ 
 light 
 
(,126 ) 
 
 light was, that th?y never reviled me fo much as 
 when I was in my greateft Glory, as Dogs never are 
 fo apt to Bark at the Moon, as when the is at the Full. 
 Befides, let me tell you, tefty Sir, with the old Poet 
 Nomina mille, milk nocendi Artes. ’Tis fo eafy to be 
 malicious, and at the fame time fo mean, that true 
 Worth neverTriumphs fb eminently over its Enemies, 
 as when they expofe their Weakneis and Envy by re¬ 
 viling it. It is true, many Scriblers bufied them- 
 felves with Criticifmg and Decrying my Works; 
 but they were fo far from difturbing me, I made the 
 bell; Ufe of them, by improving my Productions; 
 for Criticks to good Writers, are like their own Duft 
 to Diamonds, good for nothing but juft to polifh 
 them, and them only. I Jealous! No really, Sir, 
 there was no Occafion for it; the very Wit of my 
 Writings kept all the laughing Part of Manhind on 
 my Side, and I never lived in any Times where rea- 
 fbning was much regarded by the common Herd of 
 Readers or Talkers. 
 
 • Prior. A pretty Confelfion for an Author, Truly ! 
 and yet fince you have ftirred my Gall, I muft tell 
 you, that we may fay of the brighteft of your Writ¬ 
 ings, what I faid in one of my Exercifes at School of 
 Mr. Co-Ary. 
 
 With all the Graces , all the Faults of Wit , 
 
 You both adorn'd and blemijht all you writ. 
 
 I am fure you had often fuch a quick running hand 
 way of thinking, that you frequently left your mean¬ 
 ing behind you. But I am not angry enough to 
 make any fevere Remarks of my own, on the nume¬ 
 rous Tracts you gave the World; but there was one. 
 Objection every one agreed in, and that was your 
 banilhing Divinity out of all your Compofitions, and 
 indeed out of your Converfation ; fo that it fhould 
 feem Mr. Dean , if I am fuch a wretched Politician 
 as you fay, I may as fairly and more truly tell you, 
 that you have not fhewn your felf a very able Divine. 
 
 Swift. Ifmile at the Weaknefsof the Objection, 
 but I am quite delighted with the Malice of it. Let 
 me 
 
( ,2 7 1 
 
 me tell you, Sir, - 1 had fomething elfe to do with my 
 Divinity, than filling Pamphlets with it to make 
 madmen Merry, and wifemen Sick. There is a 
 Decency; or lhall I rather fay a Chaftity in Writing 
 or Thinking on fuch exalted Subje&s, that great 
 Minds are apt to Cherilh, which keeps them Cau¬ 
 tious and Diffident, where weak Men are as bold 
 and as rafh (to ufe an homely Phrafe) as a blind 
 Mare in a Mire. I have known many filly Preachers, 
 and paperfcull’d Writers in my Time, that were 
 troubled with the Divinity Squirt, and were forc’d to 
 print,or to be tormented with theCholick,or foul them- 
 felves; and fo they expofed their Nakednefs to the 
 World, with all their Rhapfodies of dreaming 
 Thoughts, borrowed Senfe, and hearlay Learning. 
 
 I was none of thofe High Dutch Inkfhiters as fome- 
 body calls them ; and inftead of fending my Reli¬ 
 gion to the Prefs to make other Men frantick, I kept 
 mine at home to keep my felf Sober. As to the reft 
 of your Objedion, Sir, I muft confefs I did not talk 
 much of Divinity, nor did I love to hear others bring 
 it into Convention ; for it was always my Opinion, 
 that tho’ Divinity and Piety are at home in the Church 
 and the Clofet, yet every where elfe they are ufed as 
 Strangers, and lhould be treated with the higheft 
 Refpeft and Ceremony. The Practice Men have 
 fallen into, of over-writing and over-talking them- 
 felves on fuch Subjeds, has done and is doing fuch 
 harm in the World, that I wonder it has not been 
 hift out of it; but there are fome Perfons fo fond of 
 haranguing, declaiming and fetting out their Noife 
 to the Crowd, that if they wrote on Geometry or 
 Algebra, they would flouriih and ufe Tropes and 
 Figures to fhew their Parts and their Eloquence, and 
 fo in fpite of all Advice and Experience, Divinity and 
 Religion muft be bother’d out of their Senfes by 
 Praters andScriblers and half Thinkers. 
 
 But prithee Tom , let my Divinity alone. Why 
 lhould you ftrive to vex me by throwing Dirt at me 
 now, tho’ you know I was never difturbcd by fuch 
 impotent 
 
(' 12 # ) 
 
 impotent Petulance, when I was above' Ground ; or 
 elfeT had Revilers enough to make me as Sick of 
 Ireland, after all the Service I had .done it by my 
 Peri, as ever-King William was of England, after he 
 had delivered it by his Sword. But let us pilf an 
 End to this ugly Brawl, which even the Paflion arid 
 Impudence of the living might blufli at. It is a fhame 
 fom, for old Friends' to Quarrel for foch miferable 
 Trifles, and for the dead to grow fo angry at them; 
 puts usrin as bad a Light,-as the half-witted Fools 
 that are ftill crawling on the Earth. Prithee be calm 
 and cool as the Grave ought to make you, and let 
 ns agree to drop this fit of ill Humour, and I lhall 
 make you a' Propofal that I hope will give you the 
 bigheft Pleafure. If you will lay afide your Refent- 
 ment for my abufing your Schemes, I will offer yoi! 
 one, that if ever it comes to be embraced, will make 
 Ireland one of the fortunate Iflands. 
 
 Prior. Make me Matter of that important Se¬ 
 cret, and convince me of its being probable arid 
 practicable, and my anger is over in an'lnftant, like 
 an Infants. Dear Dean, you rejoyce my Heart with 
 the very hint you have dropt, arid let me beg of you 
 to communicate the whole to me, 
 
 : Swiet. Why my Scheme is entirely bottom’d on 
 that happy one of your Society’s Premiums but fy 
 completely fecur’d from my old Objection of the nar- 
 rownefsand uncertainty of its Fund, as to make the 
 force of the Engine quite equal-to'the Work ’tis de-i 
 figned for. No one can have an higher Opinion 
 than I of the falutary EffeCts, which publick and ho¬ 
 norary Rewards have on the- human Mind ; and- a- 
 bove all, when the Society’s Fund does not depend 
 on Charities given by Scraps and cafual Helps quite 
 inadequate to her extended >„Views, but on-the pub* 
 lick Faith, arid the great Source of all our Supplies 
 the national Bounty, and the Zeal,- the Generofrty, the 
 good Senfe of our Irijb Reprefefitatives. It is as fhame- 
 fol to fee a Kingdom depending on private Contribul¬ 
 lions, as x Bally farms begging of a common Soldier, 
 
( **9 ) 
 
 The King thought fo when he extended! his royal 
 Munificence to us, and rho’ he cannot help all, or do 
 all; he has (hewn us he defires it, and would gladly 
 (pur us on to Exert ourfelves, and be more generally 
 Adtiveand Bufy. This illuftrious Example makes 
 me confident, that if in imitation of his Majefty, the 
 Parliament uiould refolve to affift us; it would be the 
 nobleft and quickeft Method of relieving all our 
 Wants, and banilhing Indolence and Mifery for ever 
 from Ireland. 
 
 Prior. I embrace the lucky Thought, and hope 
 if it be followed, it may be for ever Propitious to this 
 poor Kingdom. I remember he that firft introduced 
 that obvious, but happy Scheme of Premiums; ufed 
 often to declare that the Method of Private Subfcii> 
 tions was but a mere tranfitory Shift to fet up with, 
 and give a Proof of what Effects they would produce; 
 but that Parliamentary Aids were the only adequate 
 Funds we could thrive by. I often ufed to tell him my 
 Fears, that fuch Alliftances were not to be hoped for, 
 and I own I have fome Doubt,that there are fome Ob- 
 jedtions againft fuch extraordinary Helps now. 
 
 Swift. I know them as well as you, Tom,, but 
 there are none take my Word for it, but what are fur- 
 | mountable by the Spirit and Honour of an Irijb Par¬ 
 liament. I dare pawn all that is dear to me among 
 Men, that if our Senators will Vote 4000 l. per Ann. 
 to the Society, that is 1000 1 . to each of the Provin¬ 
 ces, to encourage Tillage, enliven every Art and 
 Manufacture, promote every Good, and remove e- 
 very Evil among us; we (hould before the End of 
 this Century, be as much the Envy of our Neigh¬ 
 bouring Nations, as we are now their Contempt. As 
 they would infpedt over the Diftribution of all they 
 gave, there can be no fear of Mifapplication, or the 
 low Tricks of Jobbing; and as a Tax either on Deals or 
 Wines, on Paper or Stampt-paper, News-papa's, or 
 Almanacks •, on Plays, Mufick-Meetings, Affemblies, 
 on Lands fold, on Swords or Jewels worn on our 
 Crowds of ufelefs Servants or thoughtlefs Travellers, 
 would mod of them furnifh us wi|h fufficient Funds* 
 K I 
 
113°) 
 
 lean fee nothing to prevent fo blefled a Purpofe. I 
 remember an illuftrious Friend of ours ufed to fay, it 
 would be no bad Way, if m all future Parliaments, 
 every Member (hould be obliged to add to the prefent 
 Oaths he takes, one plain one, that he would do his 
 utmoft to promote the Manufa&ures of this Country, 
 the Tnduftry of the People, and to fecure Bread and 
 Fire at Home to the miferable Poor. But if the pre¬ 
 fent Parliament (hould give a Vote of Credit for 4000 /. 
 a Year to the Society, it would make fuch an Oath 
 quite unneceflary, and they would enable them by 
 that (ingle Meafure to give all our Affairs a new Face, 
 and put us at on:e in the happieft Situation that Acti¬ 
 vity and Affluence could procure us. 
 
 Prior. I have fuch a Confidence in the Concur¬ 
 rence of Men cf all Parties in fo glorious a Defign, 
 that I begin to look already on this Affair as certain 
 and fettled. There are fuchCrowds of fincere and hear¬ 
 ty Friends to their Country in that honourable AfTem- 
 bly, that I fully perfuade my felf, they will never 
 grudge fo fmall a Sum to this plain and evident Me¬ 
 thod of laying the Foundation on which the Profpe- 
 rity t»f Ireland may (land for ever. We fhould then 
 fee prodigious Changes for the better, and no more 
 hear fuch complaining in our Streets of no Trade, no 
 Arts or Artifts, or Encouragement for them in Ireland. 
 This depends on ourfelves and the Spirit and Votes 
 of our own generous Commons, who will be blefs’d by 
 Pofterity for thus making their Zeal, the great Source 
 of Wealth, Induftry, Plenty and Peace amongft us. 
 Indeed, when I confider how (hameful it wou’d be, 
 if, through any undue Influence we (hould want e- 
 very Support in our Power to give our People to en¬ 
 liven, enrich, or diftinguiffi our Country ; I grow al- 
 moft Confident of fuch a blefled AMance. This is 
 helping our Families, ourDeperidants,our Tenants and 
 Fellow-Citizens, the prefent and future Generations. 
 Every 4 Acre the Society would by this means improve 
 (and they would improve Millions) would befo much 
 additional Wealth to the Kingdom ; every Art they 
 Jet up, every manual Trade they encourage, will be 
 
( * 3 * ) 
 
 a newftrength to us, and will ipread thcmfelvesas faft 
 thro’ the Kingdom as our Rivers do their vital Juices 
 thro’ our Plains. 
 
 Swift. Well, Tom., I am glad our Dilputes are at 
 an End, that I havepleafed you at lalt, and made you 
 entirely prefer my Methods of allifting the Society to 
 your own. It is certain, a Vote of Parliament has 
 often fet up ullfu! Manufactures here, and this will be 
 but a general oric, for the letting no all. ■ Nor is 
 there any Caufe to doubt of this nublick Bounty, for 
 tho’ private Men are penurious, Nations are generous, 
 and the publick Money is fo eafily railed, is paid by 
 fo many, and hurts fo few, that even a Parliament of 
 Mifers might be Charitable. Every body is well dif- 
 pofed to beftow bounteoufly out of his Neighbour’s 
 Purfe, to good Purpofes, tho’ he may be clofe enough 
 or cautious enough, to fave his own-, and at the fame 
 Time, the Publick is certainly the proper and natu¬ 
 ral Guardian of its own Wants and Intcrefts. In ihort, 
 Tom, the Thing is fo manifeft and felf-evident, that I 
 dare pronounce the Day is coming, when Votes to 
 fet on foot fuch Undertakings, propofed by ikiiful 
 Artifte, and to encourage publick Works, will be as 
 common as Addrefle6 to the King, and Congratula¬ 
 tions to our Lord Lieutenants. As we ought to give- 
 to Ireland, and to help our poor Country as well as 
 his Majefty; and as no Money given by any People, 
 can be produStive, of fo much and fo general a Good 
 to all, as this 4000/. per Ann.-, as it v. ill be manag’d 
 by fuch clean Hands, and fuch clear Heads and faith¬ 
 ful Hearts , as it will be direfted by an Induftry that 
 ntver ilackens, and by a Society which by the King’s 
 G lodnefs to us, can never die, I am fure welhall not 
 be denied it. This is really the trueft and nobleft Ufe 
 of Riches, for to give and relieve Thou finds, is the. 
 beft View on which, we can either gather or difperfe 
 them, and above all when the Charity begins at heme, 
 and helps and makes happy our waittirij* Brethren, 
 ThisDefign muft givenhe high eft Joy-to the Parlia¬ 
 ment, which fupports and enforces it, : for dt 'i^cer- 
 tai.nly a vaft Pleafure to a Patriot any way to affift in 
 alleviating and affifting the Wants of his indigent 
 Countrymen; 
 
( ! 3 2 ) 
 
 Countrymen ; but how much muft his Joy be en 
 creas’d, and what muft he feel, who beftows Know¬ 
 ledge, Virtue and Indulby, to Millions of his Fel¬ 
 low-Citizens ? To give to fuch'noble Ends, feems to 
 be tranfcending the Limits of Humanity,, and wou’d 
 look like ufurping on the Power of Heaven, if the 
 Creator had not transform’d it, to a Kind of Homage 
 to himfelf. 
 
 Prior. Dear Dean, I Forgive you any Trifle that 
 oSended me in our Dialogue, and I thank you from 
 my Sou! for this happy Expedient to ferve our Coun¬ 
 try fo evidently and erFeftually. If once our Repre- 
 fentatives will let us fee! and know, that Induftry in 
 Ireland , ihal! never be unrewarded, nor Arts neglect¬ 
 ed, we lhall foon learn that in fo fertile a Country, 
 no Man who has Hands and will ufe them, can ever 
 want either the Neceflaries or Conveniences of Life. 
 This Help from our Parliament wou’d turn in a little 
 Time our Defarts into Gardens, our Famines into 
 Plentv, our Herdfmen into Farmers, our Beggars in¬ 
 to Labourers, our Villages of ftarving Cottagers, into 
 Towns fwarming with Artifts, and our Beafts into 
 Men ; nay every Hill wou’d be cultivated, every 
 Valley ornamented, and our Lands as much improv’d 
 as our Roads. 
 
 Swift. What hindered our former Parliaments 
 from taking fuch Meafures, I will not pretend to 
 Guefs, but why they in the Days of our Anceftors, 
 fhou’d Vote fuch Funds to our Civil and Military 
 Eftablilhrnents, and fuch Pittances, fuch Nothings, 
 to the Eafe the Well-being, the Happinefs and Ho¬ 
 nour of the Nation, is hard to fay, and parhaps, Tom, 
 if we were living in thofe Days not very fafe. It is 
 a Comfort our People are in no fuch Danger now, un¬ 
 der fuch a Senate and fuch a Governor, nor lhall we 
 be any more in danger of Jobbing,, away our Coun¬ 
 try for private Views, or facrificing the general Wel¬ 
 fare of a whole people to the Pride orjhe Power, the 
 Gain, Avarice or Ambition, oj^.half'a Dozen over- 
 gcowajvjen.' But there is one Thing, Tom , I muft 
 mention^ as almoft as ufefiill to the Happinefs of 
 Ireland , as the Parliament’s Afliftance, and that is 
 that 
 
-•'■IS 
 
 (133 1 
 
 that in every County, great City, and large manu¬ 
 facturing Towns, Societies (hou’d be form’d with 
 Subfcriptions from all who compofe them, for fetting 
 up Premiums for fuch Improvements, in all the ma¬ 
 nual Arts, as they find they want moft to fet forward. 
 But as I think you mention’d this already, and feem as 
 zealous to fee it promoted as I am, I fhall not enlarge 
 on it as fully as it deferves. All I (hall hint at is, that 
 50/. or 60/. or at moft 10 ol. a Year thus applied, 
 wou’d have amazing Effects thro’ the Nation, as i: 
 wou’d remove all thofe Wants, and fet up thofe Arts, 
 which wou’d moft affeft their particular Circumftan- 
 ces, and which the Dublin Society, cou’d not fo im¬ 
 mediately attend to, in its general View of a (lifting 
 all. As foon as the moft necelfary Things were fully 
 provided for, fuch Societies wou’d go on to others, 
 and thus in Time, wou’d find their own Eftates 'and 
 Neighbourhoods, largely repaying by their Improve¬ 
 ments, the Care and the Expence of the Subfcribers. 
 .The maritime Counties, wou’d foon among other 
 Things fet up Fifheries, - and the Inland Counties, 
 wou’d promote either Tillage or Mines, or ufefull 
 "Manufactures; and by this means, all the great 
 Drains of our Health and our Wealth, our Blood and 
 our Spirits, wou’d be cut offj and our natural Strength 
 wou’d encreafe with our Labour. Thus in Procefe of 
 Time, this Kingdom wou’d be the Happieft, inftead 
 of being the moft Diftreft of all Lands, and wou’d 
 be as Rich as (he Wants to be, provided always, 
 dear Tom, that like fome good-natur’d thriving Mer¬ 
 chants I have known, we do not refolve to be bound 
 for our elder Brother’s Debts. 
 
 Prior. I think fuch Societies in every County, 
 or every conftderable County, wou'd be a nobe Ad¬ 
 dition to our Parliamentary Bounties; and I truft in 
 the Providence of him who governs the World, 
 and the Goodnefs of thofe whom he has appoint¬ 
 ed as his Subftitutes over thefe Nations, we (hall 
 not want thefe Bleffings Jong. But we will if you 
 pleafe, Mr. Dean, drop this Subject at the prefent; 
 and now we have talk’d over fo many of thefe Parti¬ 
 culars rd iting to the Welfare of Ireland, I wou’d 
 ' fain. 
 
. ' 034 ) , 
 
 'ttn (beak on other interefting Topicks, which alfo 
 OCCauMl’d toy paying this Vifit to you. The fiift is to 
 canv£fs over calmly and candidly all the Arguments 
 for or agaiflft a Union of this Kingdom, with Great 
 Britain. I am allured by all the Ghofts I have met 
 with of late, that this is a Defign,. which in due 
 Time is furely to be brought about one way or other. 
 The fecond is the violent and ill-judg’d Brignes and 
 Feuds, between feme of our rrsoft ccr.fiderable Peo¬ 
 ple ; who tear our Country in Pieces, like Cafar and 
 Pompey, becaufe one cannot bear an Equal, nor the 
 other a Superior, in the Government. In the 3d Place, 
 
 I want to fettle clearly, whether any of the Money that 
 was charged to the Account of our Barracks, was car¬ 
 ried out of the Kingdom by feme Arrange Accident or 
 other. When we have fully difcufled this, I wou’d in 
 the laft place talk to you, in as free a Manner, as two 
 fuch Friends to Ireland Aiou’d do; how well our Senate 
 has formerly maintained, and is likely now to main¬ 
 tain its undoubted Right of difpofing of the Re¬ 
 dundancies of the Treafury, and taking Care that the 
 Peoples Money, be laid out for the Service' of them- 
 felves and the Nation. 
 
 Swift. I am quire pleafed with your Propofal; but 
 fray, I fee they are lighting up Candles for Morning 
 Servk \ Ah, 'Ton, if the Prayers of the Living 
 were as Sincere and as Ardent as thofe of the Dead, 
 what an altered World wou’d this be ? Here is . the 
 Curate and three old Women coming to Church j 
 what think you if for fear of frighting Fools, we laid by 
 thefe winding Sheets in myTomb,and walk’din Frefco , 
 in the Deanery-Garden, and enjoy'd this bright Morn. 
 
 Prior. With ail my Heart. I have a Budget of 
 Anecdotes, and a deal of Law and Politicks, to en¬ 
 tertain you with. Oh this poor Kingdom ! this un- 
 thinkihg People grieve my Soul! 
 
 Swift. Dear Tom, mod Men fcarce begin to 
 Think, till they’re furranoned to die, and that I fear 
 tnuft be the Cafe of Ireland,m\t(s the Parliament helps 
 us. Aliens! to my old dear Garden——lead the 
 Way ! without fans Ceremony, as Jcdolet fays in the 
 «ay. EXEUNT, ‘