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Charlie made it harder by saying, ‘You keep still because you have not a word to say.’ ” Her desire to control her quick temper caused her much concern as she advanced in her Christian life. Her daybooks frequently mention remorse over some unguarded flash of temper. And yet, I often felt later that she gave all the benefit to others at the expense oh herself. Such an attitude was frequently evident in Madagascar where she had charge of the native teachers who repeatedly made life hard for her by their defiant or supercillious airs. One day after she had patiently tried to point out to one of them a flagrant pedagogical fault and met only exasperating obstinacy, I asked indignantly, “Why don’t you tell him that lie is a rude, ignorant Malagasy who needs to be taught much?’’ 10 “Oh, no,” she replied, “I cannot do that to a man who 1 does not know any better. If he had had our opportunities, he would have been different. Besides that is not the way God treats us.” The happy years of childhood on the beautiful homestead came to an end at last. Ragna finished the grades with credit. Soon after her confirmation she prepared to leave home in order to attend the Aitkin High School. To go away to school, however, is no easy task when there are several children wanting to go and no money. Since Ragna was too young to teach, it was decided that she gO' to school while the two older ones tried to earn the money needed to keep her there. Mother too did her share bv selling cream, eggs, and whatever else the little homestead could spare. Ragna, carrying extra studies during the time she spent in Aitkin, finished High School in three years and was graduated as valedictorian out of a class of twelve, with scholarships from three standard colleges, and with nineteen credits finished in place of the required sixteen. While studying she was harrassed by the thought that she might have to- leave school before graduation, and wrote in her daybook: “Oh, but I love school. What if I should have to stay out next year, that would be dreadful, for my class would get ahead of me. I know I am terribly selfish, for brother and sister, both older than I, are making their own way and helping me too. I have it easy in comparison to them; I know they are just longing for school them¬ selves ; and Mother and Father who are making every effort to see that we all get enough never complain although I know they are hard up. In spite of her pretended bravery, however, mother looks discour- 11 aged, while father seems tired and sad. Pioneering is hard work for a minister of his age; he is not young any longer. Mother has not bought one new yard of cloth this year; she has patched the old, and talks of getting me a new dress, for she says I need one. But I shall try to dissuade her from buying, and make my old dress do although it is getting short in the sleeves, for I am growing.” As a high school girl in a reminiscent mood she wrote: “How different are my school days now from what they used to be when I was a child. Now I make good use of my time because I realize the im¬ portance of a good education. Now I have the sense not to irritate my teachers, for I know how hard it is to- be a teacher in a school of this size. Out in the country I went to school just to have fun, and I cer¬ tainly had it too. I studied my lessons enough to slide through them when recitation time came around; the rest of my study periods I spent reading stories, writing letters, playing puzzles with someone, or I told funny things to my seat-mate until we two nearly died from suppressed laughter. I went to school mainly to play at recess. I quarreled with the other girls (only those I did not like) and T usually had the last word. Moreover [ generally succeeded in en¬ tangling them so that they did not know what to an¬ swer ; then I had a good laugh at their expense. Dear, dear, 1 was naughty, that is true; but now when I long for that time to return, it has vanished like a dream.” Pike most young people she had dreams of some day being great. She confided to her mother that of all professions there was none that appealed to her more than that of law. To be a lawyer seemed to her 12 the acme of attainment. Arguing, debating, or dis¬ puting was almost a passion with her. It was ap- proximately at this time that she first began really to feel a call to go to the mission field, and her battles with herself on this qustion are well illustrated by a few excerpts from her daybook: “I am thinking a lot about what I want to become, for I want to be something great. As I look into 1 the future, I see myself as a teacher in a college where I instruct in mathematics or Latin; at other times I feel I should like nothing better than to be a lawyer. But I am afraid that such thoughts as these are carnal, for ever since I was confirmed, I have felt a call to become a missionary. Still, if I become a missionary, I shall never be great—great in the eyes of God maybe, but .I know God needs workers out in the distant heathen lands, I know too that because of lack of workers many natives die without having heard a word about Him at all. I have not told these thoughts of mine to 1 anyone yet, for I have not actually deckled to go. I do not think I am a fit tool for the mission work because I am not a good Christian. Still, if God has chosen me for this work, He can make me what I ought to be. I pray daily that He will strength¬ en me to decide right. When I stop to consider how badly the cause needs workers; then I am willing to go, but on the other hand when I think of the terrible struggle of giving up friends, home, school, country, and all the work that I love best to do, to go to' a strange country among a strange people, I feel as though I can never do it. But why am I writing thus ? Wild fancies ! I have not yet decided to go ; the future is still bright.” 13 A few clays after writing this paragraph she met Rev. Jerstad, a Lutheran missionary from Madagascar. The personality of the man was so strong and devout that few people who ever met him could forget him; the whole being of the man seemed permeated with God. Her daybook comments on the event: “I have met Missionary Jerstad. What a man of God he is! He spoke so much about the heathen that my desire to- go to the foreign field was strengthened. He asked me what I wanted to become when I grew up; but I was silent, for I could not tell him that 1 wanted to go when I had not even hinted such a thing to mother, [t was perhaps wise that I said nothing when I still am not sure whether mr not I shall ever go. At times when I pray I almost promise God that I shall go; then I quickly restrain myself because I know that a promise to God is sacred, and I don’t want to promise Him when my intentions may never be realized. It seemed strange to hear Mr. Jerstad call me little! I thought I was big.” It was not easy for her to decide on the mission field; nevertheless she could not get rid of the thought. In 1910 she wrote: “This year there has been a change in me. Whenever I think of the future now, the mission field always comes to me. I have said firmly that if I see clearly that God wills me to go, I shall go. I have long been in doubt because I feel I am too timid for such a field as Madagascar. To¬ day I found this verse in Paul’s letter to the Ephesians, ‘Unto me, the least of all the saints, is this grace given that I should preach among the Gentiles the unsearch¬ able riches of Christ.’ This verse seemed to speak directly to me, and it has helped confirm my decision to go. Every day I find something new which 14 strengthens me in my resolution to gO' out as a mis¬ sionary. Tonight I had a letter from mother which said, ‘Missionary Skrefsrud of India is dead; det tyn- dcs i reck kerne of aandens kjeemper / Oh, what an effect this had on me, I felt as though God was really calling me.” May 31, 1910: “The Mission Board has accepted my name as a volunteer, although nothing definite has yet been done about it. If I go>, I am to go as teacher. I begin to' dread it more and more, for I know I shall never have a home of my own, nor any of those I love the most to go to-, when I am discouraged. All these thoughts make me melancholy; they have taken the sun out of my life all winter, although I have fought, them hard. I try to look at things from God’s point of view: I know that in the long run there is very little after all that the world can offer me, and whether I work for God on this side of the globe or the other makes little difference so long* as God’s work is helped onward. My parents and my home, how shall I ever be able to< give you up? God, you must help me do it gladly.” Later—“It is now decided de¬ finitely that I go. Poor Mother has cried many a night as I have. But the worst is over, the fight is won; there is only the final separation left.” After this victory she seemed to grow happier and to enter into her work with a new spirit. As a teacher she had great success in her moral influence over the communities into which she came to live. Her pupils kept up a correspondence with her long after she had left their schools; some of these devoted letters arrived regularly in Madagascar until after her death, and her work out there was followed with 15 keen interest by many. Her daybook contains the fol¬ lowing extract on one of the Sunday Schools which she helped to organize : “I have begun a Bible class here because many have begged me to do so. I ac¬ cepted because I know I need to grow in fearlessness, and now is a good opportunity to begin. I have prayed God to put his words into my mouth that I may say something really worth while, for I dread empty talk. I have tried to lead my class in prayer, for I know it will strengthen me to learn to pray aloud in public. Then too, other young people who hear me pray may be strengthened thereby. About each one of them have I prayed, for I want them all to' be His as I am. Fwen in this insignificant little corner of the world I want to be God’s tool.” Concerning this very class she wrote while attend¬ ing the Duluth Normal School, “Several of the young people who belonged to' my Bible class at McGrath have expressed a wish to begin living better lives. A few of these young people were my one-time pupils in school. I pray God that they may finish what they have begun.” From the time the call to go to the mission field became clear to her, all her plans, readings, studying, and preparations were made with reference to the needs of the field. The summer of 1911 she spent at the University of Minnesota studying methods in drawing and music because she felt these were essen¬ tial to her future work. The year 1912 she entered the Duluth Normal and finished the advanced course with her usual record as a brilliant student. The faculty permitted her to' carry outside her regular course private lessons in French. A society in the 16 city willing to give scholarship to studious girls so as to enable them to attend the University free for a year had asked her if she wanted to' go. Her daybook reveals the sentiments on the suggestion, “Want to go-—it is what I have wanted to do all my life, yet never dared to hope for. If I went, I should be en¬ tered as a junior. I feel as though I can never satis¬ fy my thirst for knowledge. I wish I could go on so as to he still better fitted for the work I want to do. God knows how I want to> accept that scholarship. The church which has paid for my Normal School education naturally wish me to go to the field as soon as possible because the need is great. Mother ven¬ tured a wish that I might spend a year with her be¬ fore I leave. What shall I do ? I am in darkness and cannot see forward at all. Strange how doubts master us. I do not know whether it is God’s will that I go or not. Perhaps it is I who am forcing my will through. I am not at all as I ought to be; I have too- much of the resisting spirit in me. Unless God rejuvenates me and makes me strong I shall amount to nothing. 1 am too- much in love with getting on, and not in love with God’s work as I ought to be. I must first be willing to' gladly give up the University, my pleasures, my home, and just be happy that I shall be in God’s work.Thy will, O Lord, and not mine.” During her two years of study at the Normal one finds but one single unfavorable comment on her teachers; otherwise she was exceedingly fond of her teachers and her school days. “Many of our teachers are certainly heading out to be anti-mission people. Some of them speak about mission and missionaries as something nonsensical. But the more I hear them speak like that, the firmer grows my resolve to go to 17 the foreign field. And with a special prayer for each of the teachers I love best I go through the day with a heavy heart because of their lack of vision.” Sunny spirited and refreshingly original as she was with friends, she was timid in the presence of strangers. Especially if she were to appear before the public in any way did she suffer from this timidity. She early began to battle with herself to overcome this weakness. Before entering the Normal she wrote: “A teacher is supposed to- know and dare everything. 1 must be able to teach, sew, draw, play, lead meetings —how shall I ever dare that—visit, know all there is to know from the Pole to which grade tobacco is the most dangerous. I must always be congenial, willing to help, and never sick.” Later, while at the Normal, she resolved, “to have frequent communions with God in order that I may grow in fearlessness to speak about Him more than I have done formerly. Today we had a poem on ‘Opportunity’; the story was about a man who threw away a golden opportunity. I felt the story just fitted me. I have had many op¬ portunities to< speak a little about God, and yet I have let them pass because I have felt utterly incapable of expressing my innermost convictions. After this, with God’s help, I shall make better use of my opportuni¬ ties. Our Literary Society has chosen me for tlieir president- At first I did not want to accept because I dread leading meetings of any kind. Then suddenly it dawned on me that maybe this was one of my golden opportunities about to be thrown away. So I accepted in spite of my being head over heels in work and in spite of my long French lessons. I must practise self- control now and see if I cannot overcome my ti¬ midity.” 18 Her dislike for public leadership was harder to overcome than she realized; she wrote as follows of such an experience in Madagascar while she was liv¬ ing at the home of a French couple who were to- teach her French: “I’ve had my first crying spell in Mada¬ gascar today, and it is my same old selfish heart which has caused it. This great self which is always so prevalent in me, and with which I have had many, many struggles. I have prayed God earnestly to fit me for His work, to make me willing to accept any opportunity that presents itself. Today at table Mon¬ sieur Delord asked me to go with him to visit some of his churches. I should preach, he said, and he would translate. I rebelled at the word ‘preach’ ; but I laughed at him as I thought he was joking. When I realized that he was in earnest, I flatly refused, and he reproved me for my conduct as a missionary. I felt hurt because it seemed to me that he did not put himself in my place, and I felt that he judged me too severely. When he next began to tease me about be¬ ing homesick I could; no longer keep the tears back. .I am ashamed for losing my temper and acting as I did- I am going with him after all and I have promised to speak a few words at the close of his sermon. May God give me His words to speak. This victory, I think, may be considered the beginning of my missionary work; and to think how nearly I re¬ fused it.” She was a great home girl. Her books bubble over with terms of endearment, love, and admiration for each member of the family in turn. While she was teaching in McGrath, she walked many miles every Friday evening to see her sister who taught in that vicinity. The memories of the delightful hours spent on these walks she never forgot. The tall spruce trees like cathedral spires against the rosy evening sky had a peculiar fragrance all their own, the inhaling of which was itself a joy. From branch to branch in these trees flitted the blue]ays, the lumberjacks, the chickadees, and the weird owls who hooted at night. There one saw the shy partridge shot at by all passers- by, also the noisy crows, and the bright scarlet tan- agers. The snow like a wet carpet covered the mossy roads, while far down the track puffed the heavy logging trains. Through the quiet forest resounded the ax of the loggers, and the cry of the hungry timber wolf. When the two sisters met and the preliminary tears and caresses were over, they had a short prayer meeting before they went home. Her mother’s picture she carried with her wherever she went- She could not bear to be separated from it even for a day. “On the little table before me I have put up Father’s and Mother’s picture; so even though I cannot speak to them, I can get inspired by looking daily into their smiling, contented faces. I feel melancholy today as I have dreamed about home much lately. In spite of my resolution to have all the fun I can, I feel sad be¬ cause of Father. Three of his churches which he had organized and built up through fifteen years of hard pioneer labor have been taken by a younger and more brilliant man. Father at present has nothing, but God who has watched over us SO' far will not forsake us. He will still continue to care for us. I wish I knew what is right—to help my folks or go to the foreign field. Mother has sacrificed so much for us; she has never stepped in our way. If I do not go, I can help her. Ilowever, I know my help is needed out in 20 Madagascar too, for there are few women who volun¬ teer for that field. I do- not want to- slight my parents who have sacrificed much for me, nor do I want to slight God. 'God, help me do right.’ Dear, am I growing extravagant? I paid out four dollars to get a good picture of myself with a strong frame for mother. But I took only one, and it was for mother who will value it highly, I know.” It is interesting to- notice the development of her prayer life. At first her prayers were simply peti¬ tions asking for something. “My, but Jesus is good to me. In high school when there is a lesson in Caesar which I cannot master, I ask Jesus not to let Miss Wheeler call on me to. recite, and it happens as I wish every time.” .As a senior three years later one finds a growth: “I do not believe that I pray as I ought. My prayers are dry, for I am selfish. When shall I become all that I ought to be? I often recall that beautiful verse from the Bible which expresses my feeling entirely, ‘Likewise the spirit helpeth our in¬ firmities ; for we know not what we should pray for as we ought, but the spirit itself maketh intercessions for us with groanings which cannot be uttered.” Finally, as a missionary six years after, we find: “I pray God to- reduce self to- nothing in my own estima¬ tion. May He completely do away with self, if I may but be a great worker in His eyes.” She struggled against a premonition that her life would be short. During her first year of teaching we find: “There are thousands of things I want to do, but time is speeding away so fast that I fear I shall not get half of them done.” On her way out to Mada¬ gascar she wrote, while in England: “It was not as 21 hard to say gooclby as I thought it would be. Strange how God gives one strength for every day- We all seemed to have the assurance that we should meet again.” A few months later from Manasoa, Mada¬ gascar she writes: “Oct. 1916. This morning I visited the graveyard and saw the graves of all those who had given their lives for the work. I could not but kneel in front of them and ask God to give me a long time of service if it be His will—a term rich in work and blessings,” In less than two-and-a-half years after that prayer, the black-water fever took her life; hence her prayer for a long term of service was not answered. Extracts from her daybook written during her trip out to Madagascar: “July 24, 1916. Yesterday was my first birthday abroad. I could not help thinking and wondering if the folks at home were remembering me. How self-important we are.We are on our way to Africa. I am not homesick but I am thinking more and more about home as we leave it farther and farther behind. Especially do I think of mother wiien I meet other missionaries who are going out—some for two years, some for three, some for five, but we for seven.This morning I was tackled by an American who told me how very foolish and imprac¬ tical mission work was; how utterly opposed he was to it; how he pitied the young girls who went out, etc. He has traveled all over the world and has seen some¬ thing of mission work especially in South America. Of course I stood by my principles; but somehow what I had to say seemed empty and void when a good rattler spoke on the other side- His talk only made me read my Bible with more care and pray more earnestly than ever.” 22 September 1916 she reached Tulear, Madagascar; from here she was to go< for a week in a small canoe up the Onilahy River to Manasoa, where she was to have her work. At night she, with Sister Petra and Sister Milla, (who had been Ragna’s traveling com¬ panion all the way) slept on the banks of the river under the stars, with only natives to guard them. Such a trip is an impressive one: after leaving Tulear the traveler can push on for weeks without seeing a single white face. If lie goes south he can push on for days without seeing any living creature whatever aside from his own retinue. Tangled foliage dresses the crumbling cliffs along the river banks and enhances the still beauty of the wild scenes; spreading tamarinds shade the lowlands which spread out here and there as a strong contrast to the cliffs, crags, and rocky hills. In the river splash the crocodiles, and on the sandy banks feed the timid, white egrets. Hundreds of bril¬ liant birds emerge like a shot from the mabboo canes as the canoes advance, while black crows with white collars follow the boat in search of food. That the natives are exceedinQ-lv likeable is the o J unanimous opinion of all travelers in Madagascar. Ragna’s daybook also verifies this: “The more I see of these people, the better I like them. Last night, while darkness was coming on, Sister Petra read to them the twenty-third psalm, after which all prayed the Lord’s prayer together and sang several songs. I did not understand because it was all in their native tongue. Sister Petra told them a little of our trip (Sister Milla’s and mine)- They asked if we had come all the way from America just to tell them about Jesus. Upon receiving an affirmative reply they asked, ‘Does it not make you sad to come so far as this, and 23 yet have many people refuse to her you?’ That ques¬ tion was like an encouragement to me.” The evening campfire is one of the many delights of Madagascar canoeing. As soon as the sun sets, the boats are landed on the sandbanks and a blazing fire is built. The flames leap high and cast a ruddy glow on everything round about; the natives, moving about like so many mysterious shadows in the dark, lie near the fire in the tropical night, and tell stories or sing* songs. From the purple hills overhead come the big, silent bats adding a sense of weirdness to all, while the moon rises in the East, making the waters of the river sparkle and shimmer. At Manasoa at last: “I am happy because I am at last in the place 1 have longed for all my life. I am so contented that I feel as though I am made for this place. I hope I shall not prove a failure. Strange to say, I was born the year this station was erected; so we were saying the other day that I was born for the place. 1 have just come back from my early morning walk and feel very much refreshed. The air was cool, and calm; now I am ready for my violin practice. How glad I am that I have my violin with me as it affords me both pleasure and variety- I love to let my fingers feel their way along its strings. The native boys have an ‘orchestra’ here. I almost shake with laughter every time we get together with the guitar, the flute, the mouth-organ, the comb, the organ, and my violin. I am glad, however, that they are willing to try to have a band at all, for the Mala¬ gasy are very musical, and they thoroughly enjoy their orchestra, however primitive it may be.” The hardest year of any in the mission field is perhaps the first one, during which the newcomer is 24 busy learning a new language, getting acquainted with and understanding the older workers in the field and trying with all humility to take graciously the lessons the native and the work shower on him. The period is hard moreover because of the long inactivity forced on one'—without the medium of speech few can do much of anything. Ragna too felt this and writes in her daybook Nov. 5, 1916: “This afternoon for the first time since I left home have I had a blue streak. It seemed to me as if I were making no headway. All about me people were talking, but I could not talk to them. There was life everywhere, yet I could not participate because there was no one to speak to, read with, visit or walk with. 1 felt like a bird in a cage, eager to get away; not away from people, but to people. I snatched up a tennis ball and ran outdoors to> play catch with the boys. Dear, dear, how en¬ thusiastic they became- Since they have no balls of any kind, Sister Henrietta and I made them some out of rags this evening.” She had not been many days at Manasoa before plans were made to have her sent to Tananarive to continue her studies in French. Because of the war she had not been able to study in France according to the first plan, and it was felt that if she were to make a success as directress of the Manasoa Mission Schools, she must have more training in French. To travel hundreds of miles in a palaquin alone through an un¬ known country, peopled by a race with an unknown tongue, is not an easy thing for a young girl the least bit timid. As usual she found her strength in prayer: “I must go to the Interior—and go alone. I worry a little because I can’t speak the language. God, make me calm,”, . ., ,Nov, 15, “I am on my way; it seems 25 strange to be in charge of a gang of men whose names I do not even know, and whose language I do not speak. Blit I am not afraid, seeing* that I have a very capable man with me and two of the Manasoa school hoys to' cook my meals for me. Last night I was scared almost stiff when the men began to file into the grass hut where I was sleeping: they rolled their blankets about them and went to sleep, hut I dared not sleep and suffered with nightmare. I have learned now that they slept there to 1 take good care of me. God is very good to me; He is helping me get ac¬ customed to a little of everything. I must remember too that I am not in my own country but in theirs. Countries and customs are not alike. I have never been eyed so in all my life before as now. I must be as interesting to the people along the way as they are to me.” November 20, 1916: “blow surprisingly kind the Malagasy people are. I thought that uncivilized people were fierce; these people, being semi-civilized, have pleasant, good-natured faces. There is a crowd about me now eagerly watching me write. They are out¬ side the grass hut and I am inside. I like them best when they are not too friendly.Later: I am now in the dirtiest, little town on earth, I believe. In the streets (what else shall I call them) I see a cosmopo¬ litan crowd of pigs, dogs, cattle, hens, and people. This room which the government has put up for its travel¬ ing officials, the natives have used as an icebox for their milk; consequently it is filled with flies. We have crossed rivers by the wholesale today. In some places we have been rowed across, in other places the men have waded over carrying the filanzana (palaquin) high. How strange everything turn out .As I 26 sat alone last night and felt irritable on account of the dirt around me, I began to- think, ‘What did I come to- Madagascar for? Did I come to help nice, little children who already are clean, or did I come to help them realize what it means to be clean, physi¬ cally and spiritually?’ As I thought the question out, I grew ashamed of myself and my fretting. I began to play with the lively little children about me. Soon I had a crowd, and we did our best to understand one another. After a time, one of the men brought me a fowl as a gift, and in the evening the young folks gathered about me. One of the young men who could read and write a little wanted to- show me what he knew. He had never gone to- school, he said, he had only learned from passers-by. My! what grit. How I admire him. I wished sincerely that I could speak to them all, and that wish made me remember what was written of Christ, ‘And when He saw the mul¬ titude, He had great compassion on them, for they were as sheep without a shepherd.’ ” By December third (1916) she had reached Tana¬ narive, and was established in a French home to learn the language more thoroughly. “I hear all the French 1 am able to- digest the whole day long. Occasionally Madame lifts the curtain of mystery by speaking Eng¬ lish.Dec. 11: When shall I ever conquer my tem¬ per? This evening we talked politics, and Monsieur was rather hard on America. I defended dear, old U- S. A. with all my might; but when he hurled stinging remarks about it, I felt the blood mount hot to my cheeks and I could hardly speak for anger. Fortunately he saw my wrath and stopped. Dear, old U. S. A., how I love it! Brother wrote me some time ago, ‘Doesn’t it make you proud to write U. S. A. 27 at the bottom of your letter?’ Proud! well, I have never known that I loved my country SO' dearly as I do. I am happy I am one of her children. I am registered as a U. S. A. citizen here in Madagascar, and I feel safe as long as Uncle Sam is back of me-” (1917)—Feb. 12: “Lincoln’s Birthday—I must put up my little flag; ‘Oh, the flag that’s brave and true, Is the flag red, white and blue. It’s the flag for me and you. Hurrah !’ ” “December 17: Sunday today: I don’t know what is the matter with me at times. Although I want the love mamma, my brothers and sisters give me, I want more love than that. 1 wonder if it is not natural for women to want to be loved. If it isn’t, I am not natural. I am afraid that this longing for a home of my own and for special love is a temptation, and I reprove myself for my weakness. I fight that long¬ ing for love as soon as I perceive it begins to breed; but I am afraid that by checking it, I shall make my¬ self hard or unsympathetic with others. Although I know that God has created us with natures craving the fellowship of love; still I feel it is the place of some of us to remain alone. I wonder if it is not in that capacity some of us can do the most for Him, It is hard b> give up; but if it were not hard, it would not be worth doing. Many others have dedicated their lives to God before in this way ; so why should not I? Still, at times love and home sound sweet to me; but a true sacrifice is giving up what one loves the most: and it was a true sacrifice I intended to make when I planned on becoming a missionary- Why should I feel concerned? God will lead me right as He has done many times before. I am not worrying any more now, for God will lead me through. 28 Dec. 18: I am actually ashamed of myself and my last night’s dreaming. Today I am free and happy again, and I don’t need the comfort of anyone else.” After two hard attacks of fever, she found what most malarial patients find, that one is abnormally sensitive: “blow weak I am, and cross with myself. Yesterday I felt hurt about criticisms made on my French; it was not the criticism itself which hurt, but the way it was said. And last Sunday. I was actually in tears right in church; I cannot explain why. Last evening as I went out for a walk by myself, I thought about the matter seriously. I came to the conclusion that it is not Christian to yield to all these petty mat¬ ters which chagrin us. I must fight that over-sensi¬ tiveness of mine; I must think less of myself and re¬ member that all trials are for my good. How can a Christian grow when he has no battles, to fight? ‘A battle fought and won’ is what I ought to be able to say at the end of each day. Moreover I must not for¬ get That the man worth while is the man who can smile when everything goes dead wrong-’ ” The sub¬ sequent two years of her short life in Madagascar, she certainly lived up to her resolutions to smile no mat¬ ter what her trials were. She remained strangely pa¬ tient under the most trying conditions at times, and seemed to- gain in longsufifering and sympathy every day. After nine months in the capital, she passed her ex¬ aminations in French, oral and written, satisfactorily. On her way back to Manasoa she visited various Eu¬ ropean homes and with her sweet, unassuming ways made fast friends. In August 1917 she arrived at Manasoa with her French diploma, all eagerness to be- 29 gin her work in the Mission School—a work for which she had been looking forward to for years. Her workday at Manasoa was not a long one; only eighteen months in all, and during this period she was ill most of the time from malaria or dysentery. Her love for the work and her desire to be of ser¬ vice far exceeded her physical strength. She tried to introduce better methods into' the school, but met with sullen opposition from the native teachers who re¬ sented a change; she spent much time giving various boys music lessons and was disappointed to find that they would not practise; in short, she found, what most missionaries find, that the native is an immature crea¬ ture with countless perversities which wear one’s pa¬ tience threadbare. Yet she was always hopeful, con¬ fident that the good would eventually win out. The fever slowly sapped her strength, and with her strength her courage. Determined not to be conquered bv despondency she struggled bravely on, and she suc¬ ceeded so well in concealing her feelings that only her daybook after her death revealed the anguish she at times had suffered over her problems. She did not seem to realize that her despondency was due to ill health ; she labored under the delusion that she had failed to master herself- She failed too, to see that her difficulties were those of success, and it never came to her that her students almost idolized her. Three months before she died: “My what loving sympathetic letters I get from home- How lovely to be a member of a large family. At times I almost wish that I had no family, no friends—then there would be no pain of seperation. It would not be hard to leave friends perhaps, but it would be hard to live. Live without love—no that is impossible; that isn’t 30 life. Oh, I hope this new year will be a happy one. If only we can keep our spirits up, the rest will take care of itself. It is our moodiness which makes cer¬ tain days dark and others happy. I am almost afraid to let myself be wholly glad for fear there will be a reaction later on. I thought I had overcome getting discouraged, but no, I still get downhearted very easily. This is a shame, a big shame; I must try not to let it get a hold on me.” Seven days before she died, her daybook again told of her struggles with her despondency: “I remember when I first came to Madagascar how happy I was in my studies, in my work, in the people. Now that hap¬ piness has left me and I am unhappy. I have been trying to find the reason for it, and I believe it is all due to cowardice, although there may be many more factors at work than I know. First of all I miss home dreadfully; it never seems like home here-. Perhaps it is because I am used to having mother as a center.now there is no one I love as I do her' and I feel lost. Secondly, both at home and here I have been accustomed to 1 others taking the responsi¬ bility. At home it was mother ; here Dr. Dyrnes has taken the brunt of it all. Now that he is preparing' to leave, and more and more is left in my hands, 1 vir¬ tually shrink from my task. To supervise under his direction is all right, but to take all myself of good and bad, that is different. This shrinking must be cow¬ ardice. I can get no comfort from the others on the place, for they are all as inexperienced as myself. How I should love to be near my strong brother and hear him say, ‘Er det noget at bry sig om da ?’ Why must there be such love and interdependence in families when ties are so hard to break and the loss is felt so 31 keenly. There—I have had my dinner, and 1 have had my say, and now I feel better. I must fight hard not to let the Tine streak’ master me.” On the 29th of March she was prostrated with blackwater fever, and lived only two days after that day. Unconscious though she was most of the time, her mind was ever praying-—the habit of a lifetime reasserting itself at the close of life with renewed persistency. She lay pleading over and over with God half unconsciously—“Please let me live a little longer, please let me live a little longer-” Perhaps she felt that her work had barely begun and she wished to finish it before leaving it. As she grew weaker and weaker and the end drew near, she threw her arm about her sister’s neck and whispered, “Aa, Astrid, lad mig dd (oh, Astrid, let me die).” She had finally given up and was ready to go when her Master called her. On the midnight of the last day in March she drew her last breath, and the work foi which she had been preparing, so to speak, all her life was again without a leader. In her room were found the many books she had bought with her own money for the good of the school; the music she herself had written for the ocarinas in the “orchestra” (she had several musical rehearsals daily) ; notebooks she had prepared on the wild birds of the place; classics she had translated into French for the benefit of the stu¬ dents; scores of pictures or patterns she had collected or traced or invented for the teaching of new ideas in sewing to the girls; and on her table a half-finished letter to her mother. She had lived her last, and the following day she was carried by her sorrowing stu¬ dents out to the graveyard where two- years previously 32 she had knelt to ask God to give-her a long term of service. In truth His ways are mysterious and past finding out. The resting place of Ragna Dahle, Manasoa, Madagascar. THE LUTHERAN FREE CHURCH PUB. 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