Digitized by the Internet Archive in 2018 with funding from University of North Carolina at Chapel Hill https://archive.org/details/unfortunateoldclOOunse UNFORTUNATE OLD CLOBERY! OR * i THE GUARDIAN SPIRIT ■ THE CHEST. % % nelu ‘To thi Tune of “ Unfortunate Miss Bailey J UNFORTUNATE OLD CLOBERY!* $c. A lawyer pert of London town, b Who dwelt near Bedford-square, Sir, Had got no business of hisr own, And that’s a sad affair, Sir— a The name of Clobery will be well knowny by all con¬ cerned in this matter, to belong to a late physician, of King’s College, Cambridge. No disrespect is intended in this squib to his memory. The sentiments, indeed, which are put (poetice) into his mouth, are in strict justice due to his sup- \ posed agent 3 and the actions recommended are, in fact, such as have been done. But it is thought by the authors of the present bagatelle that the Doctor entertained an unreasonable veneration for the fund in question. A fund (called the Chest-Fund) for supporting law-suits, and for improving the estates of the college, created in 1753; by the appropriation of 50/. out of every dividend; and, consequently, from the late increase of revenue, much more benefited by the present members than their predecessors. But these short notices, although they will sufficiently explain the transactions alluded to in the ballad, are by no means intended as the full state¬ ment, or the complete defence of the case. Those will doubt¬ less be made in a far superior manner. b This gentleman, after about six-and-twenty annual re- 4 He turn’d his thoughts to other things, Resolv’d to show his knowledge ; And, stealing off one night to King’s, His ancient, wealthy College, Beheld the Ghost of Clobery, Unfortunate Old Clobery, The frightful Ghost of Clobery, Unfortunate Old Clobery. It issued slowly from a Chest To solemn music’s measure; (Strong proof that parted spirits rest Where lies their earthly treasure c —) And finding by most lucky chance The prying Lawyer near, Sir, Whisper’d, or seem’d in magic trance To whisper in his ear, Sir, 14 Behold the Ghost of Clobery, “ Unfortunate Old Clobery, 44 The offended Ghost of Clobery, 44 Unfortunate Old Clobery ! solutions of the earth round the sun, during which period he has practised at the bar, has not yet attained the honour of being King’s Counsel; to remedy which unusual defect he ha*, voluntarily offered himself as Counsel to King’s College! G See the Apologue prefixed to Gil-Blas. 5 u My Son, my Son, I know thee well “Officious, bold, and curious; ‘‘Then listen to the tale I tell, 6t Most dreadful and injurious. “ As, on a dark November day, “ I slept within my Chest, Sir, “ Six thousand pounds were snatch’d away, “ And broke the golden rest, Sir, “ Of poor Old Clohery, “Unfortunate Old Clobery, “ Of poor Old Clohery, “Unfortunate Old Clobery. “ In vain I’ve sought the nightly beds “Of members of the College; “Alas! they’ve got into their heads “New schemes of worldly knowledge: “ Old prejudice lias past away, “ They're raising evTy rent, Sir! d “ Dullness, they swear, has had its day, “ And they’re no more content, Sir, d The permanent revenue of the College, by the good management of the present Provost, Fellows, &c. has been improved during the last ten years to the amount of 20,000/. And this is the season for complaint and accusation! but t according to the common saying. 6 u With poor Old Clobery, 6( Unfortunate Old Clobery, “ With poor Old Clobery, “Unfortunate Old Clobery. §t I see they’re right—but shall I bear “ Improvement thus to thrive, Sir? “ And let them so much better fare “ Than I did when alive, Sir? “ Infamy recoils upon the unjust accuser.” It is evident to any observing person, that the benefit of letting estates upon a rack-rent becomes every day better understood, and consequently that the plan is more generally adopted. If a tenant refuses to pay an adequate fine for the renewal of a lease, are not his landlords well justified in suffering that lease to run out, with the intention of increasing the future value of their property, by adopting the system of rack-rents ? If they act upon this plan, and forego the immediate division of $n inadequate fine, are they to be blamed for borrowing from a large fund (the institution of which too, in express terms, enjoins the improvement of their estates, an object here com¬ pletely provided for), a sum sufficient to repay themselves for that forbearance, by which they consult the interests of their successors? Such is the true outline of the case; and nothing but intermeddling offfciousness, and pettyfogging imperti¬ nence, could for its own private ends (which it ignorantly mistakes) have represented, as it has most injuriously repre¬ sented, the transaction in a different light—But adhuc sub judice lis est; and we doubt not that wisdom and integrity will triumph over their opponents—-Officiosaquc- leduiitas et 7 * “ Though what they do will benefit “Their followers, and themselves, Sir; “ Though wisdom, hand in hand with wit ie Has made these saucy elves, Sir, 4 £ Forget Old Clobery, 44 Unfortunate Old Clobery, “ Forget Old Clobery, 44 Unfortunate Old Clobery— ‘ ■ , _ V 44 Yet, yet, my Son, their worth deny, 44 Deny their obvious merit; 44 Nor let our glad posterity “ More than ourselves inherit: ?4 At Bugden’s sacred seat appeal u Against their graceless action; 44 Seem anxious for the public weal— 44 And not the private faction opella forensis. We will just add, that as to the misuse of confidential letters, and indeed all other historical circum¬ stances herein stated, the thing is as recorded. Concerning the accuracy of narration too, we beg leave to observe that our appellant falleth far short of ourselves in sundry instances. For example, (and we assure our readers we could multiply examples), he asserteth persons to have been present at certain meetings whose names appear not on the record 5 and who in¬ deed could not have been there. Nor is this an immaterial mis¬ take j but we leave him in better hands. V 3 <( Of poor Old Clobery, “ Unfortunate Old Clobery, ** Of poor Old Clobery, “ Unfortunate Old Clobery. (( But first in Friendship’s mask obtain (( All needful information; (i Which, garbled in your fruitful brain “ With due prevarication, r “ Clandestinely to Bugden send— “ With artful inuendo ci A great Law-officer’s your friend, * » • , 44 And joins you defendendo “ The cause of poor Old Clobery, “ Unfortunate Old Clobery, * “ The cause of poor Old Clobery, ■‘Unfortunate Old Clobery. But let no word escape the lip “Of any youthful doing; “Nor say who held his fellowship* “To many a junior’s ruin— € Perhaps, ($s we are upon the refunding system,) some future appeal to the authority now called in, may induce the gentleman here admonished, to refund the emoluments of a fourteen years Fellowship, most conscientiously received while he was also in the receipt of at least 4000/. per annum! We 9 “ Nor how your friend and you combin’d* “ In just the same proceeding, “ Which now so infamous you find— “Hurt not the cause you’re pleading “For poor Old Clobery, “Unfortunate Old Clobery, “For poor Old Clobery, “Unfortunate Old Clobery. “ But, hark! the chapel bell I hear “The slumbering College waken: “ My Son, be quick, and disappear— “ For Kidman 2 you'll be taken. • i -_ ♦ doubt not he would then be ready to exclaim with Falstaff, (when the property of the King’s Exchequer had been trans¬ ferred to the King’s Tavern )—“I do not like that paying back again.” f In a vote, during the year 1 / 81 , by which the appel¬ lants agreed to do, and did the very same thing of which they now complain. One of them justifies himself on the plea of youth. Sweet innocence! But is it justifiable to throw an imputation on the honour of a whole body ? a society who have strictly repaid (and dishonourable indeed would they have been had they not repaid) every shilling entailed upon them in the money borrowed from College Funds by their predecessors, in due time, and of course without legal security. Legal security! who but a pettyfogger would have thought of it in a society of gentlemen? s A person transported for purloining College plate. I 10 u Yet, oh! revenge most manfully “ The rape of last November; “ Think, Harry, of your legacy 5 *— “ Remember me—remember “The cause of poor Old Clobery, “ Unfortunate Old Clobery, “ The cause of poor Old Clobery, “Unfortunate Old Clobery!” The Lawyer hasten’d back to Town In joyful exultation; And call’d his brethren of the gown For sage communication: They all agreed the Statute wrong Pro amplis obtinendis; And held the clause was only strong Pro litibus defendendis; Like poor Old Clobery, Unfortunate Old Clobery, Like poor Old Clobery, Unfortunate Old Clobery. \ h Dr. Clobery left the said Harry one hundred pounds three per cent consols, as a sort of retaining fee towards the defence of ths Chest-Fund, we suppose; and really, consider¬ ing his want of right to undertake, and of ability to execuU 11 The pert appellant takes the lead In critical construction; And damns an honourable deed 1 By logical deduction. But dirty birds, as proverbs say, Are those who foul their nest. Sirs—* So charge your guns, and drive away The harpy of the Chest, Sirs, W ith poor Old Clobery, Unfortunate Old Clobery, With poor Old Clobery, Unfortunate Old Clobery. the trust, he has shown a laudable inclination to discharge its duties. 1 The learned pettyfogger, in his quibbling dissertations upon the comparative Latinity of Cicero and the Statute* of King’s College, smelleth of the shop. We have heard of Seventh Form Grecians, translators of Gray’s Elegy. It was reserved for the present day to exhibit Seventh Form Lawyers piddling in Latin Criticisms—for shame! Back to your Coke- Littleton, men! and gain an honest livelihood by hugging, without interfering in your neighbour’s concerns, unsolicited, unauthorized, and unsupported by the shadow of a reason.— P. S. Should it be objected to us, by this consummate legal critic, that we use the term pettyfogger too often, we beg leave to suggest to him, that the uniform designation of cha¬ racter is strictly Homeric. 12 IDEM LATINS REDDITUM. . r r • - • ■ For the purpose of diffusion on the Continent — We hear, indeed, that an Edition is preparing at Gottingen, by the Seminarium Philologicum of Professor Heyne. The learned are invited to contribute notes—carriage paid. Ardelio causidicus Londini habitabat; Pro propriis negotiis Aliena qui curabat— Qui, prodigus sciential, Et rerum capax mi Hi urn, Regalis ad Collegii Sacratum domicilium, Aspexit umbram Cloberi, Tnfortunati Cloberi, Deformem umbram Cloberi, Infortunati Cloberi! E cista surgit leniter Cum musico sonore. Quae prudens umbra latuit Thesauro sub priore— Fortuitoque proximum Aspiciens Henricum, Alloquitur, aut alioqui Sic visa est amicum, 13 v * « “Ecce! umbram Clober!, “ Infortunati Cloberi, “ Iratam umbram Clober!, “Infortunati Clober!. “ Mi nate, mi carissime, “ Officiose sedulus “ Auscultes dirae fabulas, “ Cui vix sis ipse credulus— “ Novembris in caligine “ Dum nuper dormiebam, “ Ingentia auri pondera “ E cista rapta flebam “ Turbata umbra Cloberi, “ Infortunati Cloberi, “Turbata umbra Cloberi, “ Infortunati Cloberi. “Nocturna per cubilia “Nequicquam volitavi, “Sociorum et prsesentium “ In pacem militavi: “ Funsmntur heu! muneribus “ Sanctissimo bonore; “ Reditusque augent varios “ Mirabili labore ; “ I mm em ores nunc Cloberi, “ Infortunati Cloberi, “ Immemores nunc Cloberi, “ Infortunati Cloberi. 14 “ Sed patiar prudentiam “Hodiernam sestimari? “ Et annuam minoribus “Rem sic amplificari? “All! quamvis patet liquidd “ Hos posteris prodesse; “ Suasitque mens acutior “ Impune suasit esse “ Immemores nunc Cloberf, “ Infortunati Cloberl, “ Immemores nunc Cloberl, “ Infortunati Cloberl—- “ Dissemines calumniam “ Ml natc in nefandos; “ Quos cuperem mendaciis “ Omnigenis damnandos: “ Lincolnian ad Episcopum “ I fortis appellator ! “ Pro bono saltern publico “ I strenuus clamator ! “ E partibus non Cloberl, “ Infortunati Cloberl, “ E partibus non Cloberl, “ Infortunati Cloberl, “ Sed arte primus utere “Ut extrahas amico, “ Quod, inscius perfidise. “ Impertiat Henrico: 15 “ Excerpe locos utiles “ Episcopo missurus; “ Et equitem significes s “Assessor qui futurus “Defendat causam Cloberi, “Infortunati Cloberi, “ Defendat causam Cloberi, “ Infortunati Cloberi. “ Sed ne juventoe garrias u Prasteritos errores; iC Aut divitem, qui Socius u Excluserit minores: u Assensum cela veterem. “ Quem ambo pnestilistis, “ Consimilem ad infamiam—- <£ Ah ! ne, quam suscepistis, “ Cadatis caus& Cloberi, “ Infortunati Cloberi, “ Cadatis causa Cloberi, “ Infortunati Cloberi. * “Audisne? Tintinnabuli “ Vox excitat Collegium— €C Vanesce ! ne te censeant “ Patrantem sacrilegium: “ Quin pro virili punias “ Recentem hauc rapinam ; “ Legati memor maneas, “ Et laudes medicinam 16 “ Amati multiim Cloberi, “ Infortunati Cloberi, “ Amati multiim Cloberi, “ Infortunati Cloberi! 5> Audentior causidicus Rcgressus in Londinum, - ' • { Togatos fratrcs convocat ~ * i Ad calumniam et vinum : Statutum omnes irritum Pro amplis obtinendis; • * • Sed omnes ratum arguunt ■ Pro litibus defendendis— Ut jussit umbra Cloberi, * » 4 Infortunati Cloberi, * • ’ ■ * Ut jussit u obra Cloberf, Infortunati Cloberi. Ardelio est irb^arius Dux critici rrnonis; Ut impudens monedula Quae plumas fert pavonis. Vineta caedit propria Gbsc^nus hie Ilenricus— Et tu teipsum jugulas, Cui delator est amicus, E factione Cloberi, Infortunati Cloberi, E factione Cloberi, Infortunati Cloberi. THE END.