OF TOBILAS SMOLLETT. IN TWO VOLUMES. WITH A MEMOIR OF THE LIFE AND WRITINGS OF THE AUTHOR, BY SIR WALTER SCOTT. VOL. I. CONTAINING aTHE ADVENTURES OF PEREGRINE PICKLE;" AND "THE ADVENTIRES OF FERDINAND COUNT FATHOM." NEW EDITIONd PHILADELPHIA LEA & BLANCHARD4 I 851. CONTENTS OF VOL. I. PREFATORY MEMOIR.... - 11 ADVENTURES OF PEREGRINE PICKLE. CnacP. I. An account of Mr Gamaliel Pickle. garrison, while her husband conceives an affecThe disposition of his sister described. He tion for his nephelw Perry, who manifests a yields to her solicitations, and retires to the peculiarity of disposition, even in his tender countrv. 29 yeat;s. 5 II. He is made acquainted with the characters CsaP. XII. Peregrine is sent to a boarding of Commnodore Trunnion and his adherents; school, becomes remarkable for his genius and meets with them by accident, and contracts anr ambition. 53 intimacy with thlat commander. 30 XIII. The commodore takes Peregrine under III. Mrs Grizzle exerts herself in finding a his own care. The boy arrives at the gat'rison; proper matclh for her brother, who is accordingly is strangely received by his own mother; enters introduced to the young lady, whom he marries into a confederacy witls Hatchway and Pipes, in due season. 34 and executes a couple of waggish enterprises TIV. The behaviour of Mrs Grizzle at thle upon his aunt. 56 vwedding, with an account of the guests. 36 X1V. He is also, by their device, en ag. - in V. MIis Pickle assumes the reins of govern- an adventure with thle exciseman, who does not ment in her own family; her sister-in-law un- find hIis account in hIis own drollery. 60 dertakes an enterprise of great moment; but is XV. Tlhe commodore detects the machinafor some time diverted from her purpose by a tions of the conspirators, and hires a tutor for very interesting consideration..37 Peregrine, whom he settles at Winchester VI. Mrs Grizzle is indefttigable in gratify- school. 62 ing her sister's longing's. Peregrine is born, XVI. Pere-gine distinguishes himself among and managed contrary to the directions and his school-fellows, exposes his tutor, and atremonstrances of his aunt, wlho is disgusted upon tracts the particular notice of the master. 63 that account; and resumes the plan which she XVII. He'is concerned in a dangerous adhad before rejected. 39 venture witlh a certain gardener; sublimes his VII. Divers stratagems are invented, and put ideas, commences gallant, and becomes acin prlactice, in older to overcome the obstinacy quainted with Miss Emily Gauntlet. 65 of Trunnion, who at length is teazed and tor- XVIII. He inquires into the situation of this tured into the noose of wedlock. 43 young lady, with whom he is enamoured; elopes VIII. Preparations are made for the com- from school; is found by the lieutenant; conmodore's wledding, which is delayed by an acci- veyed to Winchester; and sends a letter, with a dent that hurried him the Lord knows whither. copy of verses, to his mistress. 68 45 XIX. His messenger meets with a imisfor, IX. He is found by the lieutenant; recon- tune, to which ihe applies a very extraordinary ducted to his own house; married to Mrs Griz- expedient, that is attended with strange consezle, who meets with a small misfortune in the quences. 71 night, and asserts her prerogative next morning; XX. Peregrine is summoned to attend his it consequence of which her husband's eye is uncle; is more and more hatedI by his own moendangered. 47 ther; appeals to his father, whos,e condescension X. The commodorebeing in some cases rest- is defeated by the dominion of his wife. 73 ive, his lady has recourse to artifice in the XXI. Trunnion is enraged at the conduct of establishllment of her throne; she exhibits symp- Pickle. Peregrine resents the injustice of his toms of pregnancy, to the unspeakable joy of mother, to whom he explains his sentiments in I'rulrnion, who nevertheless is baulked in hIis a letter. Is entered at tlhe university of Oxford, expectation. 50 wlhere lhe signalizes himself as a -oqt l Qof an XI. Mrs Trunnion erects a tyranny in the enterprisin, genius. 75 5 V1 CONTENTS OF VOL. I. CHAP. XXII. He is insulted by his tutor, CHAP. XXXVIII. They set out in company, whom he lampoons; makes a considerable pro- breakfast at Abbeville, dine at Amiens, and, gress in polite literature; and, in an excursion to about eleven o'clock, arrive at Chantilly, where Windsor, meets with Emilia by accident, and is Peregrine executes a plan which he had convery coldly received. 77 certed upon Hornbeck. 114 XXIII. After sundry unsuccessful efforts, he XXXIX. He is involved in an adventure at finds means to come to an explanation with his Paris, and taken prisoner by the city guard. mistress; and a reconciliation ensues. 80 Becomes acquainted with a French nobleman, XXIV. fie achieves an adventure at the as- who introduces him in the beau monde. 115 sembly, and quarrels with his governor. 83 XL. Acquires a distinct idea of the French XXV. He receives a letter from his aunt, government. Quarrels with a mousquetaire, breaks witlh the commodore, and disobliges the whom he afterwards fights and vanquishes, after lieutenant, who, nevertheless, undertakes his having punished him for interfering in his cause. 86 amorous recreations. 118 XXVI. He becomes melancholy and de- XLI. Mr Jolter threatens to leave him, on spondent; is favoured with a condescending account of his misconduct, which hlie promises to letter friom his uncle; reconciles himself to his rectify; but his resolution is defeated by the governor; and sets out with Emilia and her impetuosity of his passion. He meets accifriiend for Mrs Gauntlet's house. 88 dentally with Mrs Hornbeck, who elopes with XXVII. They meet with a dreadful alarm on him from her husband, but is restored by the the road; arrive at their journey's end. Pere- interposition of the British ambassador. 121 grine is introduced to Emily's brother; these XLII. Peregrine resolves to return to Engtwo young gentlemen misunderstand each other. land. Is diverted with the odd characters of Pickle departs for the garrison. 90 two of his countrymen, with whom he contracts XXVllI. Peregrine is overtaken by Mr an acquaintance in the apartments of the Palais Gauntlet, with whom he fights a duel, and con- Royal. 124 tracts an intimate friendship. He arrives at the XLIII. He introduces his new friends to Mr garrison, and finds his mother as implacable as Jolter, with whom the doctor enters into a dis ever. He is insulted by his brother Gam, pute upon government, which had well nigh whose preceptor he disciplines with a horse- terminated in open war. 127 wlhip. 92 XLIV. The doctor prepares an entertain. XXIX. He projects a plan of revenge, which ment in the manner of the ancients, which is is executed against the curate. 95 attended with divers ridiculous circumstances. XXX. Mr Sackbut and his pupil conspire 129 against Peregrine, who, being apprised of their XLV. The painter is persuaded to accomdesign by his sister, takes measures for counter- pany Pickle to a masquerade in woman's apworking their scheme, which is executed by parel. Is engaged in a troublesome adventure. mistake upon Mr Gauntlet. This young sol- and, with his companion, conveyed to the Basflier meets with a cordial reception from the tile. 132 commodore, who generously decoys him into XLVI. By the fidelity of Pipes, Jolter is inhis own interest. 97 formed of his pupil's fate. Confers with the XXXI. The two young gentlemen display physician. Applies to the ambassador, who, their talents for gallantry, in the course of which with great difficulty, obtains the discharge of they are involved in a ludicrous circumstance of the prisoners on certain conditions. 134 distress, and afterwards take vengeance on the XLVII. Peregrine makes himself merry at author of their mishap. 99 the expense of the painter, who curses his landXXXII. The commodore sends a challenge lady, and breaks with the doctor. 136 to' Gamaliel, and is imposed upon by a waggish XLVIII. Pallet conceives a hearty contempt invention of the lieutenant, Peregrine, and of his fellow-traveller, and attaches himself to Gauntlet. 102 Pickle, who, nevertheless, persecutes him with XXXIII. Peregrine takes leave of his aunt; his mischievous talents upon the road to Flansets out finom the garrison; parts with his uncle ders. 138 and Hatchway on the road; and, with his go- XLIX. Nor is the physician sacred from his vet-nor, arrives in safety at Dover. 103 ridicule. They reach Arras, where our advenXXXIV. He adjusts the method of his cor- turer engages in play with two French officers, respondlence with Gauntlet; meets by accident who next morning give the landlord an interestwithi an Italian charlatan, and a certain apothe- ing proof of their importance. 141 cary, who proves to be a noted character. 104 L. Peregrine moralizes upon their behaviour, XXXV. He embarks for France; is over- which is condemned by the doctor, and defended taken by a storm; is surprised with the appear- by the governor. They arrive in safety atLisle, ance of Pipes; lands at Calais, and has an affray dine at an ordinary; visit the citadel. The phywith the officers of the custom-house. 107 sician quarrels with a North Briton, who is put XXXVI. He makes a fruitless attempt in in arrest. 143 gallantry; departs for Boulogne, where he LI. Pickle engages with a knight of Malta in spends the evening with certain English exiles. a conversation upon the English stage, which is 110 followed by a dissertation on the theatres of the XXXVII. Proceeds for the capital; takes up ancients by the doctor. 145 his lodgings at Bernay; lie is overtaken by Mr LII. An adventure happens to Pipes, in conHIornbeck, whose head he longs to fortify. 112 sequence of which he is dismissed from Pere CONTENTS OF VOL. I. vii grine's service. The whole company set out garrison, to the unspeakable joy of the commofor Ghent in the diligence. Our hero is cap- dore and his whole family. 178 tivated by a lady in that carriage. Interests her CHAP. LXVII. Sees his sister happily married. spiritual director in his behalf. 147 Visits Emilia, who receives him according to C rAP. LIII. He makes some progress in her his deserts. 181 affections. Is interrupted by a dispute between. ITY II. He attends his uncle with great Jolter and the Jew. Appeases thle wrath of the affection during a fit of illness. Sets out again capuchin, who procures for himi an interview for London. Meets with his fiiend Godfrey, with his fair enslaver, in which li filnds himself who is prevailed upon to accompany hir Lo deceived. 149 Bath; on the road to which place they chance to LIV. He makes another effir; towards the dine with a person who entertains them with a accomplishment of his wish, wxhii} is postponed curious account of a certain company of advenby a strange accident. i 151 turers. 183 LV. They depart from Ghent.: Our hero LXIX. Godfrey executes a scheme at Bath, engages in a political dispute with his mistress, by which a company of sharpers is ruined. 184 whom lie offends, and pacifies. with submissionsl....LXX~, The two fi'iends eclipse all their comHe practises an expedient to petain.:the carriage petitors in gallantry, and practise a pleasant at Alost, and confirms the priekt.in his interest. project of revenge upon the physicians of the 152 place. 186 LVI. The French coquette entraps tle heat-t' E.. XX- Peregrine humbles a noted Hector, of the Jew, against whom Pallet enters into a and meets with a strange character, at the house conspiracy, by which Peregrine iss again disap- of a certain lady. 1i pointed, and the Hebrew's incontinence exposed. LXXII. He cultivates an acquaintance with? 154 the misanthrope, who favours him with a short LYII. Pallet, endeavouriig to ulrlavel the sketch of his own history. 191 mystery of the treatment hp h'ad received, falls LXXIII. Peregrine arrives at the garrison, out of the firying-pan into the fire. 156 and receives the lastadmonitions of Commodore LVIII. Peregrine, alm-qstdistracted with his Trunnion, who next day resigns his breath, and disappointments, cotnjuures ie ifr Fleming to is buried according to his own directions. Some permit his visits at B'rusis.s he withdraws gentlemen in the country make a fruitless atfrom his pursuit.; 160 tempt to accommodate matters betwixt Mr LIX. Peregrine meets wlls MiS Hornbeck, Gamaliel Pickle and his eldest son. 194 and is consoled for hiis lo:ssi Itis valet de LXXIV. The young gentleman having settled chambre is embroiled with hrr duepna, vwhom, his domestic affairs, arrives in London, and sets however, lie finds means toa ppase., 162 up a gay equipage. He meets with Emilia, and LX. HIornbeck is informel of hi-.wife's ad- is introduced to her uncle. 196 venture with Pereg'rine, for whiom hee irepares a LXXV. He prosecutes his design upon Emilia stratagem, which is rendered ineffectual by the with great art and perseverance. 198 information of Pipes. The husband is ducked LXXVI. He prevails upon Emilia to accomfor his intention, and our hero apprehsiided by pany him to a masquerade, makes a treacherous the patrole.:! 164 attempt upon her affection, and meets with a LXI. Peregrine is released. Jolted con- deserved repulse. 200 founded at his mysterious conduct. A contest LXXVII. IHle endeavours to reconcile hIimself happens between the poet and painter, who are to his mistress, and expostulates withl the uncle, reconciled by the mediation of their fellow- who forbids him the house. 202 travellers. 166 LXXVII. He projects a violent scelcnic, in LXII. The travellers depart for Antwerp, at consequence of which lhe is involved ill a mnost which place the painter gives a loose to his en- fatiguing adventure, which greatly tends towvards thusiasm. 168 the augmentation of hIis chagrin. 204 LXIII. Peregrine artfully foments a quarrel LXXIX. Peregrine sends a message to Mrs between Pallet and the physician, who fight a Gauntlet, who rejects his proposal. He repairs duel on the ramparts. 171 to the garrison. 207 LXIV. The doctor exults in his victory. LXXX. He returns to London, and meets They set out for Rotterdam, where they are with Cadwallader, who entertains him witll entertained by two Dutch gentlemen in a yacht, many curious particulars. Crabtree sounds the which is overturned in the Maese, to the mani- duchess, and undeceives Pickle, who, by an fest hazard of the painter's life. They spend extraordinary accident, becomes acquainted with the evening with their entertainers, and next day another lady of quality. 208 visit a cabinet of curiosities. 174 LXXXI. Memoirs of a lady of quality. 212g LXV. They proceed to the Hague, from LXXXII. He persuades Cadwallader to aswhence they depart for Amsterdam, where they sume the character of a- magician, in which he see aDutch tragedy. Visit the music-house, in acquires a great share of reputation by his which Peregrine quarrels with the captain of a responses to three females of distinction, who man of war. Pass through Haarlem, in their severally consult the researches of his art. 263 way to Leyden. Return to Rotterdam, where LXXXIII. Peregrine, and his friend Cadthe company separates, and our hero, with his wallader, proceed in the exercise of the nsysattendants, arrive in safety at Harwich. 176 tery of fortune-telling, in the course of which LXVI. Peregrine delivers his letters of re- they achieve various adventures. 266 cm.amendation at London, and returns to the LXXXIV. The conjuror, and his associate viii CONTENTS OF VOL. 1. execute a plan of vengeance against certain CHaP. XCVI. Peregrine, finding himself neinfidels, who pretend to despise their art; and glected by Sir Steady Steerwell, expostulates Peregrine achieves an adventure with a young with him in a letter; in consequence of which he nobleman. 271 is forbid his house, loses his pension, and incurs CaAP. LXXXV. Peregrine is celebrated as the charge of lunacy. 312 -wit and patron, and proceeds to entertain him- XCVII. He writes against the minister; by self at the expense of whom it did concern. 274 whose instigation lie is arrested, andl moves himLXXXVI. Peregrine receives a letter from self, by habeas coulrts, into the Fleet. 317 Hatchway, in consequence of which he repairs XCVIII. Pickle seems tolerably -well reconto the garrison, and performss the last offices to ciled to his cage; and is by the clergyman enterhis aunt. He is visited by Mr Gauntlet, who tained with the memoirs of a noted personage, invites him to his marriage. 277 whom he sees by accident in the Fleet. 324 LXXXVII. Peregrine sets out for the garri- XCIX. He is surprised with the appearance son, and meets with a nymph of the road, whom of Hatchway and Pipes, wlsho take up their lie takes into keeping, and metamorphoses into hIabitation in his neighbourhood, contrary to his a fine lady. 283 inclination and express desire. 345 LXXXVIII. He is visited by Pallet; contracts C. These associates commit an assault upon an intimacy with a Newmarket nobleman; and Crabtree, for which they are banished from the is by the knowing ones taken in. 286 Fleet. Peregrine begins to feel the effects of LXXXIX. He is taken into the protection of confinement. 349 a great man; sets up for a member of parliament; CI. He receives an unexpected visit; and the is disappointed in hIis expectation, and finds clouds of misfortune begin to separate. 351 hi mself egregiously outwitted. 288 CIl. Peregline reconciles himself to the XC. Peregrine commences minister's depen- lieutenant, and renews his connection with dent; meets by accident with Mrs Gauntlet, and society. Divers plans are projected in his bedescends gradually in the condlition of life. 293 half, and lie has occasion to exhibit a remarkable XCI. Cadwallader acts the part of a comforter proof of self-denial. 354 to his friend; and, in his turni, is consoled by CIII. He is engagedl in a very extraordinary Peregrine, vwho begins to find himself a most correspondence, which is interrupted by a very egregious dupe. 297 unexpected event. 3.56 XCII. He is indulged vith a second audience CIV. Peregrine holds a consultation with his by the minister, of whose sincerity he is con- frilends; il consequence of which lie bids adieu vinced. His pride and ambition revive, and to the Fleet. He arrives at his father's house, again are mortified. 500 and asserts his right of inheritance. 359 XCIII. He commits himself to the public; is CV. He perfuorims the last offices to his fatlher, admitted member of a college of authors. 302 and returins to London upon a veiy interesting XCIV. Proceedings of the college. 305 design. 361 XCV. The young gentleman is introduced to CVI. He enjoys an interview wvith Emilis, a virtuoso of the first order, and commences and makes himself ample amends for all toe yelper. 309 mortifications of his life. 363 ADVENTURES OF FERDINAND COUNT FATHOM. DEDICATION. - 369 CIAP. I. Some sage observations that natu- which some readers may think impertinent. rally introduce our important history. 371 383 II. A superficial view of our hero's infancy. CNAP. IX. The confederates change their bat373 tery, and achieve a remarkable adventure. 385 III. He is initiated in a military life, and has X. They proceed to levy contributions, with the good fortune to acquire a generous patron. great success, until our hero sets out with the 374 young count for Vienna, where he enters into IV. His mother's prowess and death; together league with another adventurer. 386 witlh some instances of his own sagacity. 375 XI. Fathom makes various efforts in the V. A brief detail of his education. 377 world of gallantry. 388 VI. He meditates schemes of importance. XII. He effects a lodgment in the house of a 379 rich jeweller. 389 VII. Engages in partnership with a female XIII. He is exposed to a most perilous inciassociate, in order to put his talents in action. dent in the course of his intrigue with the daugh-.381 ter. 391 VIII. Their first attempt; with a digression XIV. -He is reduced to a dreadful dilemma, CON'TifINTS OF VOL. I. ix in consequence of an assignation with the wife. CHAP. XXXIX. Our adventurer is made ac393 quainted with a new scene of life. 453 CHAP. XV. But at length succeeds in his at- XL. He contemplates Inajesty and its sateltempt upon both. 394 lites in eclipse. 455 XVI. His success begets a blind security, by XLI. One quarrel is compromised, and anwhich he is once again well nigh entra)ped in other decided, by unusual arms. 457 his dlulcinea's apartment. 397 XLII. An unexpectedl encounter, and a hapXVII. The step-dame's suspicions being py revolution in our adveinturer's affilrs. 460 awakened, she lays a snare for our adventurer, XLI1I. Fathom justifies the proverb, " What's firom which he is delivered by the interposition bred in tile bone will never come out of the of llis good genius. 399 fleshil." 462 XVIII. Our hero departs from Vienna, and XLIV. Anecdotes of poverty, and experiquits the domains of Venus for the rough field ments for the benefit of those whom it may conof Mars. 402 cern. 463 XIX. He puts himself under the guidance of XLV. Renaldo's distress deepens, and Fahis associate, and stumbles upon the Frenchl thom's plot thickens. 466 camp,l where he finishes his military career. XLVI. Our adventurer becomes absolute in 404 his power over the passions of his friend, anlt XX. He prepares a stratagem, but finds him- effects one half of his aim. 468 self countermined; proceeds on his journey, and XLVII. Thle art of borrowing further exis overtaken by a terrible tempest. 406 plained, and an account of a strange phenomeXXI. He falls upon Scylla seeking to avoid non. 47`2 Charybdis. 408 XLVIII. Count Fathom unmasks his battery; XXII. He arrives at Paris, and is pleased is repulsed, and varies his operations without with his reception. 410 effect. 476 XXIII. Acquits himself with address in a XLIX. Alonimia's lhonour is protected by the nocturnal riot. 411 interposition of heaven. 478 XX1V. He overlooks the advances of his L. Fathom shifts the scene, and appears in a fi'iends, and smarts severely for his neglect. new charlacter. 481 415 LI. Triumphs over a medical rival. 485 XXV. He bears his fate like a philosopher; LIT. Repairs to the metropolis, and enrols and contracts acquaintance with a very remark- himself amosng the sons of Psean. 488 able personage. 418 LIII. Acquires elmploymnlelt, in consequence XXVI. The history of the noble Castilian, of a lucky miscarriage. 490 420 LIV. His eclipse, and gradual declination. XXVII. A flagrant instance of Fathom's vir- 493 tue, in the manner of his retreat to England. LV. After divers unsuccessful efforts, lhe has 427 recourse to the matrimonial noose. 495 XXVIII. Some account of his fellow-travel- LVI. In which his fortune is effectually stranler's. 429 g'led. 498 XXIX. Anotlherprovidentialdeliverancefirom LVII. Fathom being safely hloused, the tlhe effect of the smuggler's ingenious conjecture. reader is entertained( withl a retrospect. 500 430 LVIII. lenaldo abridges the proceedings at XXX. The singular manner of Fathom's law, and approves himself the son of his father. attack and triumph over the virtue of the fair 502 Elenor. 433 ~IX. He is the messenger of happiness to XXXI. He by accident encounters his old his sister, -who removes the film wlhiclh had long friiend, with whom he holds a conference, and obstrlucted hiis penietration with regard to Count renews a treaty. 435 Fathom. 504, XXXII. He appears in the great world withl LX. Hie reeompences the attachment of his universal applause and admiration. 437 fi iend; and receives a letter that reduces him to XXXIII. He attracts the envy and ill offices the verge of death and distraction. 507 of the minor knights of his own order, over LXI. Renaldo meets with a living monument whom he obtains a complete victory. 459 of justice, and encosunters a personage of some XXXIV. He performs another exploit, tlhat note in these memoirs. 512 conveys a true idea of his gratitude and honour. LXII. HI-s return to England, and midnight 440 pilgrimag e to Monimia's tomhl. 514. XXXV. He repairs to Bristol spring, where LXIII. He renews the rites of sorrow, and is lhe reigns paramount during the whole season. entranced. 517 445 LXIV. The mystery unfolded. Alnother reXXXVI. He is smitten with the charms of a cognition, whiicbh, it is to be hoped, thie reader female adventurer, whose allurements subject could not foresee. 521 him to a new vicissitude of fortune. 447 LXV. A retrospective link, necessary for the XXXVII. Fresh cause for exerting his equa- concatenation of these memoirs. 525 rimity and fortitude. 448 LXVI. Trhe history draws Ilear a period, 528 XXXVIII. The biter is bit. 451 LXVII. The longest and the last. 53 B PREFATORY MEMOIR or THE LIFE AND WRITINGS OF SAIOLLETT. BY SIR WALTER SCOTT. Tav life of:Smollett, whose genius has raised represents the family, and possesses the estate n. imperishable monument to his fame, has of Bonhill. The second son of Archibald been written, with spirit and elegance, by his Smollett is the subject of this memoir. friend and contemporary, the celebrated Dr Tobias.,,Sollett (baptized Tobias-GeorgeMoore, and more lately by Dr Robert Ander- was bornin 171, in the old house of Dalquhuqr, Son, of Edinburgh, with a careful research, in the vally/ of Leven, in perhaps the moa,which leaves us little except the-task of selec- beautiful disrict in Britain. Its distinguishe@; tion and abridgement. native has celebrated the vale of Leven, lotoonly Our author was descended from an ancient in the beautiful ode addressed to his parent and honourable family, an advantage to which stream, out in the expedition of Izumpjhrey from various passages in his writings, he seems- Clinker, where he mentions the home of hi., to have attached considerable weight, and the forefathers in the following enthusiastic, yet not consciousness of whichseemsto havecontributed exaggerated terms; "A very little above the its share in forming some of the peculiarities of source of the Leven, on the lake, stands the' his character. house of Cameron, belonging to Mr Smollett,` Sir James Smollett, of Bonhill, the grandfa- so embosomed in an oak wood that we did not ther of the celebrated author, was bred to the see it till we were within fifty yards of the door.. bar, became one of the commissaries (i. e. con- The lake approaches, on one side, to within six-,s!storial judges) of Edinburgh, represented the or seven yards of the window. It might have burgh of Dunbarton in the Scottish parliament, been placed in a higher situation, which would and lent his aid to dissolve that representative have afforded a more extensive prospect, and a body for ever, being one of the commissioners drier atmosphere; but this imperfection is not: for framing the union with England. By his chargeable on the present proprietor, who purlady, a daughter of Sir Atlay Mac Aulay, of chased it ready built, rather than be at the trouArdincaple, Sir James Smollett had four sons, ble of repairing his own family house of BonhillI of whom Archibald, the youngest, was father of which stands two miles from hence, on the Le-' the poet. ven, so surrounded with ulantations, that it used It appears that Archibald Smollett followed to be known by the name of the mavis (or thrush)~ no profession, and that, without his father's con- nest, Above that house is a romantic glen, oe sent, he married an amiable.woman, Barbara, cleft of a mountain, covered with hanging woodsty daughter of Mr Cunningham, of Gilbertfield. having, at bottom, a stream of fine water, that The disunion betwixt the son and father, to forms a number of cascades in its descent tw which. this act of imprudence gave rise, did not join the Leven, so that the scene;s qiite enprevent Sir James Smollett from assigning to chanting. 0 hlm, for his.support, the house and farm of'' I have seen the Lago di Gards,.lbano dt Dalquhurn, near his own mansion of Bonhill. Vico, Bolsena, and Geneva, and [ prefer Loch-. Archibald Smollett died early, leaving two sons Lomond to them all; a preference which is cerand a daughter wholly dependent on the kind- tainly owing to the verdant islands that seem te Bess of his grandfather. The eldest son em- float upon its surface, affording the most en braced the military life, and perished by the chanting objects of repose to the excursive view shipwreck of a. transport. The daughter, Jane, Nor are the banks destitute of beauties, whic. married Mr Telfer, of Leadhillsi and her de-.-_ __ _ ~aendant:Captain John Smollett, R. N., now * The late Commissary Smellett: 12t~ ~ PREFATORY METMOIR OF even partake of the sublinOe. On this side they studies, but which, thougli it evinces in pattieia diroplayv swcet variety or wood-land, cornfields, lar passages the genius of the autltor, cannot be t'rsd Iasitre, with several agreeable villas, emci- termed with justice a pel'ormance suited for tlie.i;rg, as it Nveve, out of the lake, till, at some stage. Lord Lyttleton, as a Iatrlion-Garriek rdistance, tre pioslpect termi'nates in hiuge moun- and Lacy, as manaers —gave the youthful ai-:ins, eovcrced with heath, whlich, being in the thor some encouragement, wlhich peihrips, th e,loom, ffio;rds a very rich covering or pur ple. sanguiiie temper of Smoilett overrated; for, in l'vr1y thirg here is romartiel: be ond:risi thestory ofMrMelo where lie.ives the Arics-A.:''is o' f is i:Ltron. Th is country is justly st.led flhi ateoirits to bring tihe Reg'icide on dira of Scotlanir. I do not doubt but it umay vie the stage, the patron and thie manager are not wIti llh Arealdia in every thring but climate. Iam spared.i and, in Peregrin~e Pickle; thile personstnre it excels it in veirdlure, wood, and water." age of Gosling Scrag, 5which occurs in thile first A poet, bred iup amongst such scenes, must edition only, is meant to replselset Lordi Lyttlecoe douuv attachied to his art, ani, accord- ton. Tire sto'y is more br iefly old in the Inreingd it app ea r that Soollett IIsfrsdn thehliat i:- ta: tthe fir.st...ior.ol thi./es.csl..er. cst dgritee, sensible of tlie bcauties of natuie, the author informs us tlrt Ihis taigedy' a.'I~thori g- h'!:is Irame has chlsiefly risen upon his taken into thre protection of oine of those little i'e' of d elrir'ieating' hiumain character. He o-h- iellows who are sometimes calledi great men, truiried the ruririents s of clhssical knowledge at rdt, like other orphans, neglectedl accordin gly. i!e D.unbaitton grammii-school,, then taught lby Stung wiith resentment, which I mistook for courib' Joln Love, tie scarce less learnedl antago- tempt, I resolved, to purnisli this bar Ibairous inri st oi thire leaiar ec Rridiniran. From; thXAe laetuly disfcence, RatI actllsly d i'carded my patr'on; Saret'overI to GIlsgow, whec be e pursued Ihis consoling myself with tihe Iarren praise ot' a,stu' irs wvitdi iligen ce and success, and was few associates, whio, in tihe most irdelhtigable Aia:al o boundi apprentice to Mr John Gordon, an mannerr, emnlloyed their timeu aid influence in eminiient surg eoll. IThis destination was con- crllecting fiom all qutarters observations on my Intnw to wyouni Smollett's wishles, whicl strongly i ieee; which; in cons6querrc of oflh'ose strgge. ~drtekrhui neri l}himn to a;military I'c, and h1e is ui- tions, puton a ne a aace apa e most every tua, ii-~sed to I have'avei'ci cii himiself; both: of is6 unti i nyI:occasibn calleid me outof tire kin ion. " autditi~e:, isito corti atvadicted lIris intcliniatitils,:Disappoifiited ii:tie: hopessi he II lald founritedd o inil oT!ris measter, iv' describlng tirhe frme uri -iu- hisi t/eAtr'icarl: ttrmpn,. Snmrlilett rcc'epted I:re ri Ir tre frr'st~miible clariacter. so'.tlte old judge, si:tuation of ii sruigeons smate: on boa-rd oo a ship ~rin:idi::ti Iaitt' as Mr l'.utiruri,,he Irfi rst::sirister'of] o'f the ine,: iri tlhe esxperditi n:to: Car'Cthafena I:,,in esdeik. RaniRdom. At a later. I,,iio, lee: d.id 1741, of which hle publisrhed'a short ac:cour ti't' i, Goid,.rri justice by 1 nrert'ionhi,~ imnn irst ltr ItodecRickl Ranrdon;:rand a lbnger nairative in a -ohloriI, te.rs "I. 1.A:W rriti'ol dregd to, Mi, ~ Cdrpemdictm o [Voyagea,, publislhed,irn 175i, idrilons' sas: MiatthewBie amble,'' a pitttic/t But thrleem of rarbf:os.a serice in tire navy st:,:tir lyi'aoline Spirtit.'ah6:i fiIitiree oftie liuneni wis ceh ieflnd e-markable Iifom Iri's..aving acqrlia'g l'uri',ic':,"on y in' that pl~ace, autd wastirhe great'ed ih i thatbief'space, such irti date kInorlede:ii! q',rr rtmrp' of thae,city' work-hiou s',.infirinary,'nI otdire aritical wrilTd as enahilel:hlir.i to desLr ifre 44ir:ve won: s Is'f prIbli. utility.. faqil he'ived ini sailors with such truth and spirit of dclinreatiro,ni gereit: lu.me!e. 0h- liew:osiirtave; been hoioured tlitit;' fro0m tliit timex'ihote er h'is unetiernike us',,itn':a St:itariet thle publ'i ec.peinrse.' ":i. thi/e sais e. task. has seuemed to 6epy tnaue fhoi"`,,t Di,'iirg lisi aIppinsticeshiip, Ssoolhiett's doeidtitt Srollett than/-frori.nature.' On,:iuthor quittcd't/~.v~ir imater!'tiet;'love of aitolie pri'actical.,jlcst. aiti rh vy airs sghist. liike mitlIre. ditidgerI, 1,i[avfi hl is rrsl'tiet," of which e tiris;works! shross. roan)' ani.with tlir despotfice'disci~rprw kvnc lirsi e tholi'thi th e,rribfs, s annd tire.younig-no velist:gave also':everal days;iwas qualifiled by tio:itbanitty o n'tire part on I'ro(}fs otf iis stalents'md. itroen.}siityto satire. It tre:sripisi'ior officer'. and' wticih,' ex posedh inlhor —,ss s:' iidi t h i s: s aster expressesd.his:convi tlion 0f d'iifhlat6 in the' se"viel to such mo'rtifretiorr",, a5.:noullett' s ht'urre' eminence in ve'crh.4ir ely', but ii lhauhlr.ty spiiit like that of'$rolr:tt could vs":' - p'iSii)~ei';Oterms, wheir sonie of his r eighrborrtlg ill enidure`. He h:eft tire servideiii't he' West!itr —ee -60aBsti'.g the" stp6riot' decwnu,,trio iclir- tie's.,.n'd, after a'-residenc Isf'nis6nte:ime Ihi'tic ri' is tirer vo ig prpis I ra be all Iisland of Jamaica, retur'ne d to Lrnglandi nin., 74.6.?tnte.;sid thic keer-sih:t edl:Mr Gom's4n;; It: Itirafs!ht i t ime,'sh in;' riicenrse I:at "tihe bu tu.ixe nre, before tisrr ilroy: tuhby- hrta!l seeri iiti'e'S.exeie0c iused hy I the:,o.,;erfinn:enirs emt'aI, las wica/m,wth.,,tir. staie iii hs. mon th - troors:in tie HighiaSnds, t::.. micnh r: oraitire hir t..i:teisteemnth yearn of, Stm! hiet.s a irfei' is regismns. he iir a's a fneighrbour`by. b'inFhi S. moih;,tt ti amndftadsri, S irt Janres diedmand t aloe no provi. wrote t6h jintreticn spiite I asI) m!ati c sei a oiun bin:i is:Witlt'tom shlie-thsrldr t err of-h:is. yotsrgest entitli l.d hre Tefi-rs:of:Cale;todson. Tile Wite s,;n, a1 ngleetiwshich, joinied to otlrer c icu Ri- Robteit Grahram. s of'Givsreartu,u~arucs n iliq i rl s. lmdni: ftonet1~ pr oetUcen. co ho~re If ro fis ieii air tid tnrustee: of Stsirolhett, ats reor'de Sd tiLrr ii'iten. c d esc danrt~', tline- pali} ir, istit isitiotni rsr~i~nurnrer i'nw hircrh this effusiroi irwas pouited'tic:}llinii. w,'i,.dh- i tise:' td:judgt e h.miohds iii;; tie, na ri tive:o'.' Some g',entlemenhain''e r tat fave. i r:'ur'uek:':Rondon sti.m aushin~':ti le msei vthers. isc..:lesmlon e sritrre m dwithlf h gamil):' W ifi:v, ti e i..ci:ncre..at tron ae, of s:u kind a t.y ci!t ards h w Shiie tsm-l'lt.tt;t riot' rehosio. oSm I lu'I?,.y S/sn li~ it; in. Iris.urrjretiec!. th i.ear~,:.welt t'o Lo.t; s'd(lo/i~,ito:Wr'ite;.:.:Orse tl t/n *cishn'antl,, Wijt) kir-r',.t.scek hlis ~i)l'ttune,.wex vc'ir noletm gih. also'as nominiiatiL by hint rmi ot iris i lists t/intdr i'.i lIe c'amcieis rith hi thue R icide, I (Gr'aftnmof'ohe'himnrel), obcs62inug'hir eai'i es-tsms,:iss'' t d-tsinrn.t' hic..pi-ogiss of his t.tid, sni)jis'rg.ie a's rkian v-crt's. ss." kedihir 0MO,1E,.TYP'S I'fl'N. W'IT IITNGS. sf it wts not so. i-e:acc rdion',ly reat them the -jug bht foia ng no connected plnto' stor,' t ile,first sketelh of his o'rs - /', Scotiancd, co'nsisting. several parits of which hold connecti'on witih or:only of six stna:rir: arid, o'n tieirt remsarking that eat. lproplor'tion to,each- other. It was thte'ses -.the ternnmiuatioo of Ihe pnem, b)eing too strongly -eo!nd'extfmple of the minor romance, or Eng-isis exrlvesseds migh1 t give offence to the, peirsons tnovel.. Fieldin.g Ihad, shortly before, set the Vthose political,pinions vwere different, lie,sat examtple in-'his Torn Jones,'and a rival of alnmos ~iownlF, w\ithouIt reply, wh oly d wt ith.an aih, of; great equal eminence, in.1748, brougirtfotli o' li The a.mdglnati'os, stbjoincl the conclud(ing:stafi.za: didventureS qf Pode;'iclk Random, a work wliclc;.was eagerly received by thepublie, an.d brought "While the warn blood bedewsmy.veins, ot puttion androfit t te aut. ~both. telmtation: aml pr-Offt to ~thea'authlor. And l'unimpaird rtnernbrance. reigns, tws Rsentment oftoy cttrsate It was generally believed that Smollett paint. Within miy filiy l breast shall beat. ed some of his osv,n:eartly aldventures. 0n(lec the Yes, spire oflthtine insuolingifboe, veil of fiction;..but the public calrttied the s'spiri Myy sym-pathizing- verse,shah ifo w of apply ingtI:ha h iacters of a work of fictio-n ts Mourn, [tapess.Caledonia moqurn, 1 on Moaro, hapless Caedos, ttqufn, livi is g ersonages mueh ifatilter, perhaps, th:an Thy bais' $a~e~'thv,latrels torn'... yj bparish~d pence sy la orn!"thCe authorlintended. Gawkey, Crabbe, andi P'oSoollet was niow'settled in Lon'dou and com- tionwvereCasMigne d.to'rifividuals in tle west oh menced his career as a pro0ssionalWa at.. ie:'Sotland:.,Ms Smellett was suppose d to hbe NIr.~ w2as not ssccessf'tlf as a' shsysiei.an,'prohsbably be- c.issa.; the,.authhor himself represented Rodeticrk cause his independetnt and halglity spi'rit 1neg- Railtom (of::which11 there cart be'little diout)' t C. se his 11dep ndebijl-hirlelaIl "rrl6.r~t tectetl the by-paths wic lead to fa:me in that b kinderand barbertheealy aquaiitane profession. One aecount says, that hie:ailed to of Dotoi: Smol:lett, corntseied for'the character" rentder huimsself agreeahsle to Isis femal patients, of -the atttiched, amiab iale, simt /ple-Ihearted:Str!ap;, i'ertainlv sti for vwait of address oi figrture', forl an l thietwo navsl officers, nder whoii Smtilett th were remar'~kahbly pleasing, ht moire o' had.l seived,. weie'stigmatized rle'ndi; the names bathsly Ishy a hla~sty inp'ttience offli'stenitig'to petty of Oakum and Whiffle.`Certain it is'th4t; the 1,-W~ly h~y a hasty irnpalticnet oo is enlra to pettv votslll: itist. attld a want of smnipatihy a Vith those conteinp t with:'hwhich Iis uiifortunate p'ay had ~wh's l:-hotrdl utide nrio teal indislposition.''t is''bee s streated*.forrns tie basi.'of i- oMrMeulolon'.s: rtia'k... le,.int.hhsgsv ry anprss story,. in.1 which: Garrick: and:Lyttleton ar'e tse greatest tttcoka, f'ta ssccagi lessft nei al) p en,:p roghlvy treatedt:under the characters of Ma:cin~hel 4i'catest fiullther Of successfidlhedia mn,I z'etali, Se,6wit'Fl'e'p~blit xlid' not ta~st,have assttietha tiesp ttto1ti tority overtliheirsi;a- zaet:-aril' Shee rwit.'.is li th.it tat tieusts aflter tlseir cliii.a'st.tc wias est'lishhet,'f~ew less keenlfythe real nseritsof this interestingO:iani or inone have risein to Tre-emrnesce in practice I sie moo ~us "'work, -because tiey conceived it to aho usedl the snie wsastt of-eeremoiv' itn the'pIosseqss'hte zest:arisiig fie'om Iersonal aIlusiotn': ecns'nn'nc~temest o0f theit reotrc;c.perhiaps, hsowr- anrd tlheiisale of the wo'rk exlcededth greatly'-tle twit'~e, lDtc tuacatt W s tb oo tS diScssed tit eapeetnitions of all concerned. ever, DrSiletwas too soon I dieiiae,:in abstuloisetid sremt'i'iattt~e;l y aHs ofesi~ii iii l w ic' avinig now the.eatr:of- theoprublie, S moi elCtt aess' llre matupely i pisofeseidire:sispublished., bsy,sah:setiltlon, hIsis urifrtititate traIue s. pis ln'Oet'ialty slow.' * Snio0lett, as'who mritst have'frlt hiss ots' pow. eyis, geily;'.. The R e g icie;, in:o.!der to shame.lnhose hashd rsttits'v redoirse to iis ve;:afitd bes ides vw'ho bad bhtred Is:isaccess to thi pstann. -'Tdhe rep'atcd attemit pts to get Ihis tragedy aited:,' sent srefacee ls fill'edw;ith comph'ints,'wisici. are ntl-4 fotti,.~ sr~in I'7}.6' 5_ tvice,'antI, ifs.'-.14j n,-th'oftIer.just, Itoi m'anly,: asl W ith stricturres Itsi)'o L;'' a I(;l'' tf Cy e~~Letet~~; hi ch amotinrt'At i-nosti to both poetical sati'es possesse of oiid le Ga ikad'Lyttlet whieh amoit almost to mnerit' but' wniih oIynll iniftueniedfth e hlate ofl'' eabse.'lite- merits of the piece b no m nans ri~~~~~~~~~... " so t'nt atihorn, as tlney' ilncre(tiseri t'he'siusbeis o0'i-iSe, lisapet violatei. this' extrem. e. treseatnm~nt onr',tl hi'e~ pa'rs so~rr~l ~~l~;iias.' S~ic' "8']i.......eof the autlhor, and' ft'ht iss: rn letti hi tni.meilf beoall enein s. a tich, the manager was r tin,,,y s"tir,;t; in' II tiproof. Sqinolet hh'cam'e t'length s sensible. He ws impetuous,.ritters for;:'- ";:.~the':. Co.ent-Gaiden':; ati......:..,:,y.. burt note tullterinliin i'ressentmentand gaenesnu.i v~ -.itt..-:~'i,' [i''oe, Covent: (it'r; eti r''f o all l~.land li fll's: esrtedt:e of'" siieC qirr el behstwi ixt tile authion' antI me;Lt it tO.pthose aVbon.?, i.a:ts thefinr:_.; tmpUla;, o(,i:i(arnrge'r.' ahich Suiollet'tlisis arene-hl ips'iorta)d thssapppimtn..ent, lie hadstreated.:: itl'Abs4tut'.'1t747, -Smolleti wa's;miii ed to:Mis.s spustdc":' _ ascehies, a.....t..til and',. n"':" s".J....:' i:s.Ill1 s'50.;mohllett:'madeu'tOur totiris,. where toos, to eiori's he hii.d: b;ecni.':':- ~,s.lsd. in di. lie ne lgnehmateI Os ItIs Ior:fr'utu re woi;ks of icution, cI;est lushes. InrAstead of's exsiitsieh fotoene ot esidnes en.ihrluI cuinanc..~ i wl.ife.. ~f~s00t~;: he~o alnedi~S b~s-~'bo i! tl~ts ~-~ t n~l -6 k,~~:Nn l e~R.udi h'a~tO~t, is'gisise, h ths iorssexon easners A co.t9om. b, palinten ashorn he; met o:. ~~~~~~~~~~:....'...~ -,... -.; l 1'.......;-r:-~......., ~....-;-~-~ —-3~-1- - avsssuit, ~a.nd the',sicrn~aiseil eXpesiSe of: husue k eepisig,; whtichh lie sewa stll le s~s' toj;.:fi'd:'Desjrons:,ofuiosssjistaieeraia ssork:of, - trrat h -n sod whichnigans ohi'e hsiis t hav rcsousse'. s d~tae n a Work of fiction f0 ato e uehs en' arid whrict, again' "obl'Iged' hmt);a ve i-~hml~s~"' ""g:.' ~;'~ ",'f.. itn.I';it:ite.ar.' tents. exhpression) in:ginring a Sketch, of the: ilberal arts inhis t s~ess iss' ~ttie ruiotier.'of: invtntif/n.titoi..t'Iltstesy,8] England, lie reOmaruked "the ehi.bitiorus'.: Nec~~~~~~s.~ii y ~ ~ o ieel0s coosist in the snoode of stating facts, or in ~.ghe:rfle Ations de(luccd fi'om them. In this tehkc ile athor frlley announced hei Is litical * Dr Moore's friend was so much enraged at some 5k, meXavtso frilly ann e hs titcariticisms in that review, that he continued to take.' rtcipies, wh1ich, lnotwithstanding hIis whig it, fobr no other purpose than that he might read all.irdacatOion, v ere those of a moder'lte tory, and a the publications censured by it, and none of those a.nieatocVel o [01h lie.onarchi cal ptrt 01' aur constitu- which it praised. SMOLLETT'S LIFE AND WRITINGS. 19 Smollett's rival work, deluged the public with come a knig ht-erral.t, the whim of Crowe, the criticisms and invectives against the author and'captain of a merchant vessel, adopting, at second his book. In process of time the con*toversy hand, the same folly, is, on the same grounds, slept, and the main fault of the history was found still more exceptionable. There is nothing in, to be, that the haste with which the author had the honest seaman's life or profession which renlaccomplished his task had necessarily occasioned ders it at all possible that he should have caughtl his sitting down contented with superficial, and, contagion from the insanity of Sir Launcelot. sometimes, inaccurate information. But granting the Author's premises, and surely In the course of 1760 and 176t, the d.dven- we often make large concessions with less adtures of Sir Launcelot Greaves appeared, in de- vantage it) prospect, the quantity of comic hutached( portions, in various numbers of the Brit- mour which Smollett has extracted out of Crowe ish;llafazzse or.Monthlly Repository. Smtool- and Crabshaw, has as much hearty mirth in it as: lett appears:o have executed his task with very can be found even in his more finished composilittle premeditation. During a part of the time; tions. The interior characters are all sketched ne was residing at Paxton, in Berwickshire, on. with the same bold, free, and peculiar touch that a visit to the late George Home, Esq., and when distinguishes this powerful writer; and besides post-time drew near, he used to retire for half these we have named, Ferret and Clarke, the: an hour, or an hour, to prepare the necessary kind-hearted attorney's clerk,,'ith several subquantity of copy, as it is technically called in:the ordinate personages, have all the vivacity of' printing-house, which he never gave 1iimself the Smollett's strong pencil. Aurelia Darnel is by trouble to correct, or even to read over. Sir far the most feminine, and, at the same time, Launcelot Greaves was published separately, in lady-like person to whom the author has intro1762. duced us. There is also some novelty of situaThe idea of this work was probably suggested tion and incident, and Smollett's recent imprito our author (luring his labours upon Don Quix- sonment in the King's Bench, for the attack on ote, and the plan forms a sort of corollary to the Admiral Knowles, enabled him to enrich his' celebrated romance of Don Quixote. The lead- romance with a portrait of the unfortunate ing imperfection is the great extravagance of the Theodore, King of Corsica, and other comlpanstory, as applicable to England, and to the period ions in his captivity, whose misfortunes or when it is supposed to have happened.'In Spain, frolics had conducted them to that place of iraere the ideas of chivalry were extinct amongst prisonment. that nation of romantic Hidalgos, the term of Smollett's next labour was to lend his aid in Don Quixote's frenzy seems not altogether ex- finishing that useful compendium, The dModern travagant, and the armour which he assumed Universal History, to which he contributted the was still the ordinary garb of battle. But in histories of France, Italy, and Germany. In the England, and in modern times, that a young, year 1761, he published in detached numbers, amiable, and otherwise sensible man, acquainted his Continuation of the History~ of I.4ngland, also with the romance of Cervantes, should have which he carried on until he brought the narraadopted a similar whim, gives good foundation tive down to 1765. The sale of this work was for the obvious remark of Ferret: "What! you very extensive; and although Smrollett: acquired set up for a modern Don Quixote! the scheme is by both histories about 20001., which, in those too stale and extravagant; what was an humorous days, was a large sum, yet the bookseller is said and well-timed satire in Spain near two hundred to have made 10001. clear profit on the very day years ago, will make but a sorry jest,, when he made his' bargain, by transferring it to a broreally acted upon from affectation, at this time ther of the trade. This Continuation, appended, of day in England." To this Sir Launcelot re- as it usually is to the Iistory of England by plies, by a tirade which does not remove the Hume, forms a classical and standard work. It objection so shrewdly stated by the misanthrope, is not our present province; to examine the paraffirming that lhe only warred against the foes of ticular merits of Smollett as a historian; but it virtue and decorum; or, in his own words,'"had cannot be denied that, as a clear and distinct assumed the armour of his forefathers, to remedy narrative of facts, strongly and vigorously told, evils which the law cannot reach, to detect fraud witl a laudable regard to truth and impartiality, and treason, abase insolence, mortify pride, dis- the Continuation may vie with ourt best histori-o courage slander, disgrace immodesty, and stig- cal works.'Elle author was incapable of being snatize ingratitude." The degree of sanity which swayed by fear or favour, and where his judg the amiable enthusiast possesses ought to have ment is influenced, we can see that lie was misshown him, that the generous career he had un- led only by an honest belief in the truth of his dertaken would be much bhetter accomplished own arguments. At the same time, the Conwithout his armour than with that superfluous tinuation, like Smollett's original History, hass and ridiculous appendage; and that, for all the the dlefeets incident to hurried composition, and pursposes of reformation to be effected in Eng- likewise those which naturally attach themselves aned, his pocket-book, filled with bank-notes, to contemporary narrative. Stnollett had no acwoutd be a better auxiliary than either sword or cess to those hidden causes of events whichl time lanee. in short, it becomes clear to tile reader brings forth itn the slow progress of ages; and his that Sir Launeelot wears panoply only that his work is chiefly compiled fromn those documentw youthful elegance and address, his bright armour, of a public and general desciiption which oftei, anti generous courser, may make him the more contain rather the colourable pretexts whichl,x;ace counterpart to the KXiight of La Manihsa. statesmen are pleased to assign for their actions If ithe unnatural that Sir Launcelot should be- than the real motives themselves. The Envlish 2* *~0i BR;PREFATORY ME'MOIR OF History, it is true, srlffers Iess thars those:of otsher ill 1i!e.al.th aidedi the effects of grief, anal it wr,. countries. fromi this restrietiors of materials; for undle these ci,rcumstanrrces that Stsollett under thkere are so muranyvey es rrnporoour public proceed- took a journey to France nrrd: Italy, in wvhic rings, and they unlergo- such sifting dirseussionr, coun:t!ries he residredi fioiro 1763 till 1766. Sool, both in and out of parliament, that the actual after Iis'return in 1766, lie published hil'Iris.avet n:motives of those in u:hiose h ands government is thro'sgh 1rantce antd Itally, cosfaininrg Obser;va-'estedl for the time, beconre speedily, suspected, tioLs on Cisatncter,, Curstoms, ReliioTr, Gvrernevenr if they -are not ac-ually. avwed or' unveiled, ment, Police, Conmrer'ce,.l'ts, and.A1tnlqurtines r.r, tile rvlole, witir all its frrlts and. deficier-.'ith a par'stic'dat.De.cr'iptioz qf the Tonir,'Tee-;res, itrnay be rong ere we have a better History r'itorq, andl Clionsate of.' Aice, to which is adder, orf Biitain, durrirg tire' latter periodr tlhan is to= a Register' of the feath.e',, kept dttr'in'a;rea'be fourd irn tihe a/gres of Srmolltt. dence of'eighteen months in that City; irn vols [Jpgn tile a.ccession of' George Ill and. thlse 8vo, irr the form of letters to Isis frierrnds in EngCornmencermrnt of Lo;rd Bute's a]rri'niistr'ation, larsl frdir, dial2'erent parts of those countries. Smollett's pen was esployeid in tIre defernce of Smollett's Tr.vels are distinguisrerd by tIre yourng' monarclh's government, in.a, weekly acuteness of remark and shrewdness of expresspaper calleld Tire Briton, wlsich wassoon:silenreeI ion,-by stronr,g sense and poisntedl lrttronr'; arrr drivein out of the field bv the celebrated 1hut the melancuholy state of the autror's nrirr A.'srth Br.iton, condlucted - b John Wilkes. inrtuieder Insm to view a ll tie ordina.rly oIbjects Smollett Ihad been orr terms of kindness wyith from whlicl travellers receive pleasurre, with tlis distinrg'uished derlerr0agogue, andn had twice ap- cynic:l contemrpt. Althouglh so lately a sufr'crer Iplied to iris fr'iendrlslip,-once tfor thIe kind pul'- by tile most irjuriou s s natiornal 1prrejudices, Ire pose ofl obltaiiring tie dismission of Dr J.ohnso's fathiledl not to harbour andi clerisi all those which b.lack servarnt, Fr'l'rr.is Barber, from the navy, lie h:inmself had tbormerly adolptedl against the into which he Ihad iiiconsiderartelv entererl; ansd toreign countries tlrough wliich he travelled. rgrin, to med'iate betwixt himself ani Arlrdmiral Nartrre sbad eitlher denied Stmollett tile taste neKnowles, in the matter of the prosecutio n. cessary to understand andi feel the beauties of Closer ties tlran tlhese are readily dissolvedl be- art, or else Ihis embittered state of mind aIad, for tore thle fie of politics. Tlie friendls becamne the time, estir'ely deprived him of thIe power' of political opponents; arndl Soollett, who had to ernjoying thnem. The harsh censures which ihe plead arr unpopular cause to unwilling auditors, passes on the Venus de Merdicis, and upon tihe and who, as a Scotchimanr shared: deeply and per'- Pantheon, arid the sarcasm with which ris critisonally in that unpopularity, was compellerl to cisms are answered by Sterne, are both wellgive rp the Briton, more, it would seem, firom known. Yet, be it said witlortt ofl'nce to the lack of spir'it in Ihis patrororrd Bute to sustain memory of that witty rard eleganrt writer', it is tire contest any longer, than from any deficiency more easy to assumrne, in composition, an air of of zeal on his own part. Sio, at least., we'may alternrate gaiety and sensibility, than to practise interpret thIe followirng passage, in a letter which tile virtues of generosity and benrevolence, which he wvrote from Italy to Caleb W\hiteford, in 1770. Sriollett exercised dnrring his whole life, thougih "' hore you will not discontinue your en- often, like his own Matthew Bramble, under deavours to represent faction andI false patriotism the disguise of peevishness and irritability. in their truc colours, tlhough I believe thIe mi- Sterne's writings show much flourish corecrsing iistry little h deserves that any man of genius virtues of whiclh hIis life is understood to rave should draw his pen in their defence.'T'hey produced little fi-uit; the temper of Smollett seem to inlherit the absurdl stoicism of Lord was Bute, who set Ihimself up as a pillory, to be like a lusty winter,, pelted by all the blackgruards ot' Englarnd, upon Fs ly Frosty, but kindly. thIe supposition that they would grows tired and leave offt I don't find that your ministers take On hiis return to Britain, in 1766, he visited anry pains even to vindicate thieir moral charac- Scotlandl for the last time, and had thIe pleasure ters firom the foutlest inmputations — 1 would never of receiving a parent's last embrace. His health dtesire a stronger proof of a bad heart than a total was now totally ruined. Constant rheumratism, disregard of reputation. A late.nobleman, who and the pain arising firom a neglecteds ulcer, had beens a member' of se9eral adrninistrations, which had got into a basd state, rendered hIim a owned to me, that one good writer was of more victim to excruciating agonies. lHe afterwards importance to the gove.,'nrent tlhan twernty place- reeoveved, in a great degree, by applying niermen in tile House of Comrnmorns." curial oirntment, and using tire solution of eorroIn 1763, Stmollett lent Ihis assistance, or at sive sublimate. He gives a full account of tire least his name, to a translation of Voltaire's process of the cure in a letter' to Dr Moore, works, and also to a coanpilationr entitled The whird concludes thus: "Hiad I been as well in present State df all Xat'ios, cortaining a Geo- summer, I. should have exqurisitely enjoyed my graphical, Jetnurn'al, Comme-rcial, arid Political expedition to Scotland, which was Iroductive of tJistory of all the Count'ies of theKlno.on a W/orld. nothnrg to me but nisery anti disgust. Betwe.u About this time, Elizabeth, an amiable anrr friiends, I amin now convirnced that my 1brain wams Itoeeomplishedl youmrg person, the only off'spring in-some measure:.fr'tenh; ors I ed a kindi of of Smollett's nmat'riage and to lhomn her tather coona vigil upon me fiornm A.pril tor Nrovembner. was devotedly attachrel, died in the fifteenth witliout inrtermission. In consideration of these Weal' of Irer life, leaving her pareuts overwlhelmn- circumrs stances, I krow you will t.forgive all my Ps'vith tihe deepest sorrow. peevishiness and discontent, and tell good Mrs SM I)LL E D.T'I LIF F2 AND,WRITING',"-,. 21 mrore, to w lioIn I pliesentl my omos St cord ial re- ish olIl imaids, an( si inIpl e waiti ig- wmire:i, whiich spects, that, withi regard to me, slie!has yet seen slhall hereal'ter I)e (rawn, tuhst be critentedl notihinirg but tihe wrong' side of the tapestry." with the itaise uof approachiiing i merit to..N rs Firrding himsel'ftlibfitv lo resume his lite-'rabitha.Briamblec arid \iiJifred Jenkis.'Ihe rarY labours, Smollett pubilli~shld, in 1769, the peculiarities of the hot-leadeled voung Oxonian, Ipolitical satipe called The.dtventur;es of an and the: girlish romance of his sister, are a.iIso11i, in whichl are satirized the, several leadl- mirrably contrasteri wsitli the sense, Mfiid pettishi, ors of political p)arties, firom 1754 till thIe disso- half-playful mrisanthlropy of their uncle; and lutin, of Loid Chatham's admiiistrlt:on.: His HIuiplhrey Clinker (wsho, hy the way, resembles inefficient patrois, Lo (1 Bttte, is not spared:in Strap, supposing that excellent person to liae a this work; andiChathamn is severely treatet un- turn towards metlhodism) is, as tfar as he goes, der the name of'Jowler. The inconsistency of equally delightfiul. Captain Lismiahago was this great minister, in encouraging the Gertman: probably no violent caricature, allowing for the war' seems to have altered Smollett's olpinion: manners of thie time. We can remiember a good of; his patriolism: and he does his acknowledlg- ahd gallant officer wlho was said to have been ed talents fat lessthan justice, endeavourin his prototype, but believe the opinion was only by every means to undervalue the successes otf entertained from the striking resemblance lie hiis brilliant admiiniStration, or-to impute them, bore in externals to the ldouighty ciptain. to causes independent of his measures. The When Illunphrey Clinker appearedl inll London, crhief parpose of tlie work (besides thaittof gi-, the popular odiurn against the Scotch natioin, ing thIe aluthor the opportunityto raisehis hand, which Wilkes and Churchill had excited, was like that-of Ishmaec, against every man) is to not yet - appeased, and Smtollet had enenmi.es inspiTe the horror of continental connexions. amongst the periodical critics, who failed not Shoaitlv after the:- piublication. of ThIe Jldven- to charge him with undue partiality to his own tures. q:f anz dtosm, disease again assa~iled Smol-, country. They observed, maliciously, but not iett wvith redoub;ledi violen'ce. Attemnpts being untruly, that' the cynicism of Matthew Vramnble' vainly made to obtaiu for him the: office of:con- becomes gradually softened as he journeys northsel, iin some port of the Medliterranean, hel was ward, and that lie who equally detested Bath roiniseiletl to seek'a warmer climate, without, antd London, becomes wonderfully reconciled to better: means of 1provision thani his own preen- walled cities aiinl the hum of'men, when lie finds ious finuances ctoulil aflhrd. The`kiiilness;of;himself an inhabitaint ofthe northern metropolis. his distinguisled, frienIl and countryman,: Dv It is not worth (lefeniling so excellent a work Armstrong, (then, abroadl) procured for Dr and against so weak an objection, The author was Mrs Smonllett a house at Monte-Novo, a village a ldying man, andt histhoughts were turned tosituated on: the side of a mount'ai overlodkiog- ward4 the scenes of youtlhful gaiety, and the the sea, in tihe neighbonrulihoil of Legho rnl a ro- ablode of early firiends, with a fond partiality, murntic and. salutary abode, where lie preparedt which had they been even less deserving of his for the press the: last, andilike music,' sweetest attachment, would have been not only pardtona in the close," the most pleasing ofI his composi- ble, but praisesvorthy. tions~z Thel EXrpedition, of - 11tnphr'ey Clinker. ions, T/re: Eaeditisn qf l pliy Ciner. nMoritur, et rmoriens dulces reminiscitur Argos.'lris. delig.htful sworks was pubisihedl in 1771, in 3. vols 12uno,:arid very Tfavourably reeeived.,.y Snollett failed not, as hlie usually did, to introthe pulsii ic. duce hiinself, with the various causes lie hiadl ti IThe very ingeniorms scheme of describing: the complain of to the vworld, irsto thepages o[ this varionrs effets pr.odsuced ulsonrdifferent memrbers iletightfnl romra inise. He appears as Mir Seloh of thIe samine family y the sarmne objects is not anid more boldIly under his own name, nll(, ill originUal, tho6ugli it haig been sup)poselto: be so. describing his own mode of livin, lie svtiriztes Aristey, tle fiacetious author of the.dv;,Baith. without mercy tile bookmakers of tle iy w irs Guide, hail eirmployed it six or sCven years be- had experieneed his kinidness without cpuayini' tce, HTJlmphurey.C I/keuappoared(1.: But:Anstey"s him by gratitutle. It does not, hlowever, seellm tdiverting:sati ire was )itRa li ght sketeh, comp retd perfectly fair to make them atone for their urnto the fihislled ian ld elaborate irmaet,' ini which gracious return to hsis hospitality by serving 1p Smo11lett hiss, in the first place, ideitifiedl his their cliar'cter's:as a banquet to the public; au(h, charaeters,:auld then fitted tlbeni.wvithi larnguage, in fact, it too much resembles the desigrn of sentiments, and powers of obsgrvatiot;,in:exact iwhichli Pallet accuses tie plhysician, of ctonvertinu, corresl)onldence:with thleiitalhents. temper; con- Isis guests into patients, in order to make him dlition,; andt disposition. The I)OVrtiait of MIat- amends for tIle expense of the entrertainment tliew:Bramble, in which Smollhettl described his,, But criticism; whether candid or unjust, ui.s own peculiarities, using towvards lsin'mself the'soon to be of little consequence to the authorr. same rigiu anatomy which; lie exercisedt- upon': After the r iblication of his last work lie lingero~hers, is unequalled in the: line of fiEctitious ed through the summer, and at legth, after encomposition. It is peculiarly striking. to ob- during the vicissitudes of a wasting and painful serve, how often, in admiring the shirewdwi and disorder with' unabated composure, the woruld sounid sense, active benevolence, and isonourable': lost Tobias Smollett, on the r1st of October sentiments comluined in Msatt!hew, we lose:sight, 1771, at the untimely age of only filty-onrie Aers. of the humoarous pec~1ialities of Isis elhararter, There is little doubt, that grief for thIe oss of' anl with what effect. they are sulddenly recudlled: his daughter, a fueling of ungrateful ineglect to our'remembrance, just at the tirme andl: in:tlhe- from those who were called upton to lendt hinu manner when we least expet themr. All shlirew- assistance, a present sense of confined circiami 22 PREFATORY MEMOIR OF stances, which he was daily losing the power of Ponendam curavit enlarging by his own exertions, together with JACOBUS SMOLLETT, de Bonhill. gloomy apprehensions for the future, materially Abiet rquideminiscere, aide( tlhe progress of the mortal disorder by Non modo defuncti memorie which li he was removed. Verum etiam exemplo, prospectum esse; More happy in this respect than Fielding, Allis enim, si modo digni sint, Smollett's grave at Leghorn is distinguished by Idem erit virtutis pramium! a plain monument erected by his widow, to which-Dr Artmstrong, his constant and faithful The widow of Smollett long continued -an infrieund, supplied the following spirite'l inscrip- habitant of the neighbourhood of Leghorn, sup tiou:- porting herself in obscurity and with difficulty: s lupon the small remnant of fortune lie had beern Hic ossa conduntur able to bequeath to her. We remember a beToBLmE SMOLLETT, Scoti; nefit play being performed on her account at Qui, prosapia generosa et antiqua natus, Priscm v irtutis exemplar emicuit; Edinburgh, in which Houston Stewart NicholAspectu ingenuo, son, Esq., an amateur performer, appearedl in Corpore valido, the part of Pierre. The profits are said to have Pectore animoso, amounted to ~300. An epilogue written for Indole apprime benigna, the occasion, by Mr Grtaham, of Gartmore, was Et fere supra facultates munifica; spoken by the late Mr Woods, of the Theatre Insignis. Ingenio feraci, faceto, versatili, Royal, Edinburgh. Omnigene fere doctrinae mire capaci, Smollett's Odle to Independence, the most Varia fabularum dulcedine characteristic of his poetical works, was publishVitam moresque hominum, ed, two years after his death, by the Messrs Ubertate summaludens, depinxit. Foulis, of Glasgow. The mythological coriAdverso, interim, nefas! tali tantoque alumno, mencement is eminently beautiful. Nisi quo satyre opipare supplebat, Seculo impio, ignavo, fatuo, Quo muswe vix nisi nothe ntachus, as, during his life, it had appeared to AMecanatulis Britannicis a translation of Gil Bias, to which it is supposed Fovebantur. he contributed little or nothing more. In 1785, In e nemoriam a farce, called The Israelites, or The PamOptimi et amabilis omnino viri Penmultis amicis desiderati, pered.JVabob, was acted on the Covent GarPermultis amieis desiderati, Hocce rnarmor, den stage, for the benefit of Mr Aiken. It was Dilectissima simul et amantissima conjux, ascribed to Smollett on very dubious evidence, L. M. was indifferently received, andt has never since, Sacravit. appeared, either on the stage or in print. The person of Smollett was eminently handIn the year 1774, a column was erected to some, his features prepossessing, and, hy the Sulollett'ss memory, near the house in which he joint testimony of all his surviving friends, his was born, by his cousin, James Smollett, Esq., conversation in the highest degree ilstluctive of Bonhill,'with the following nervous and class- and amusing. Of his dislosition, those who ical irns iption, written by pl ofessor George have read his works (and who has not (lone so?) Stewart, of E~dinburglh, and partly by the late may form a very accurate estimate; for in eaclh John Ramsay, Esq., of Ochtertyre, and correct- of them he has presented, and sosetimes under ed by Dr Johnson. Tise lines printed in Italics various points of view, the leading features of his own character, without disguising the most unfavourable of them. Nay, there is room to [Siste viator! believe, that he.rather exaggerated than softenSi leporis ingeniique venam beni~gnam, ed that cynical turn of temper which was the Si morum callidissimum pictorem, principal fault of his disposition, and which enUnquam es miratus,] Immorare paululum memoriae gaged him in so many quarrels. It is remarkTOBIIE SMOLLETT; M.D. able that all his heroes, from Roderick Random Viri virtutibushisce downwards, possess a haughty, fierce irritabiQuas in homineet cive lity of disposition, until the same features apEt laudes et imiteris, Hanud mediocriter onnati pearedl softened, and rendered venerable by age Hand medioeriter ornati: Qui in llteris variis versatus, and philosophy, in Matthew Brambllle. The l'ostquam felicitate sibi propria, sports in which they most delight, are those Sese posteris commendaverat, which are attended with disgrace, mental pain. Morte acerba raptus and.bodily mischief to others; and their humaAnno etatis 51. nity is never represented as interrupting the Eheu! quam procul a patria!.. Prope Liburniam portum in Italtria course of their firolics. We know not that. Propae t ib sepulortums. in talia Smollett had any other marked failing, save that Jacet sepultus. Tali tantoque viro, patruelo suo, which he himself has so often and so liberally Cui in decursu Lampada acknowledged. When unswdn eed by htis satiliSe potius tradidisse decuit, cal propensities, he. was kind, genlelrous, and Hanc Colemnaln, humane to others; bold, upright and indepeno Amoris ehezt! inane monumentum, In ip.sis Levine ripis, dent in his own character., he stoopeil to no latron, In ipDsis Levinese ripis, Quas versiculls sub exitu v.tae illustratas, suenl for no fav:ou:, but honestly ndl i onoula Primis infans vagitibuss,r:;oern.uit, bly maintained himself on his literary labour#, SMOLLETT'S LIFE AND WRITINGS..23 when, if he was occasionally employed in work talents, pursuits, and, unfortunately, the fates which was beneath his talents, the disgrace must of these two great authors, are so closely allied, remain with those who saved not such a genius that it is scarcely possible to name the one withfrom the degrading drudgery of compiling and out exciting recollections of the other. Fieldtranslating. He was a doating father, and an ing andt Smollett were both born in the highest affectionate ihusband; and the warm zeal with rank of society, both educated to learned prowhich his memory was cherished by his surviv- fessions, yet both obliged to follow miscellaneng friends, showed clearly the reliance which ous literature as the means of subsistence. Both they placed upon his regard. Even his resent- were confined, during their lives, by the narments, t;iouglh often hastily adopted, and incau- rowness of their circumstances, —both united a tiously expressed, were neither ungenerous nor humorous cynicism with generosity and good enduring. He was open to conviction, and nature, both died of the diseases incident to a ready to make both acknowledgement and al- sedentary life, and to literary labour,-and both lowance when he had done injustice to others, drew their last breath in a foreign land to which willing also to forgive and to be reconciled when they retreated under the adverse circumstances he had received it at their hand. of a decayed constitution and an exhausted forChurchill* and other satirists falsely ascribe tune. to Smollett the mean passion of literary envy, Their studies were no less similar than their to which his nature was totally a stranger. The lives. They both wrote for the stage, and neimnanrner in which he mentions Fielding and ther of them successfully. They both meddled Richardson, in the account -of the literature of in politics; they both wrote travels, in which the century, shows how much he understood, they showed that their good humour was wasted andl how liberally he praised, the merit of those, under the sufferings of their disease; and, to conwho, in the view of the world, must have been clude, they were both so eminently successful as regarded as his immediate rivals. "'The ge- novelists, that no other English author of that sius of Cervantes," in his generous expression, class has a right to be mentioned in the same " was transfused into the novels of Fielding, breath with Fielding and Smollett. who painted'lthe characters, and ridiculed the If we compare the works of these two great follies of life, with equal strength, humour, anit masters yet more closely, we may assign to propriety." A passage which we record with Fielding, with little hesitation, the praise of a pleasure, as a proof that the disagreement higher and purer taste, than was shown by his which existed between Smnollett and Fielding rival; more elegance of composition and expressdid not prevent his estimating with justice, and ion; a nearer approach to the grave irony ot recording in suitable terms, the merits of the Swift and Cervantes; a great deal more address father of the English novel. The historian, or felicity in the conduct of his story; and, with equal candour, proceeds to tell his reader, finally, a power of describing amiable or virtu"' that the laudable aim of enlisting the passions ous characters, and of placing before us heroes, on the side of virtue was- successfully pursued and especially heroines, of a much higher as by Richardson in his Pamela, Clarissa, and well as more pleasing character, than Smollett Grandison, a species of waiting equally new was able to present. and extraordinary, where, mingled with much Thus the art and felicity with which the story superfluity and impertinence, we find a sublime of Tom Jones evolves itself, is no where found system of ethics, an amazing knowledge and in Smollett's novels, where the heroes pass from command ofhuman nature."t one situation in life, and from one stage of soIn leaving Smollett's personal, forhisliterary ciety, to another totally unconnected, except eharacter, it is impossible not to consider the that, as in ordinary life, the adventures recordlatter as contrasted with that of his eminent ed, though not bearing upon each other, or on contemporary Fielding. It is true that such the catastrophe, befall the same personage. comparisons, though recommended by the ex- Characters are introduced and dropped without ample of Plutarch, are not in general the best scruple, and, at the end of the work, the hero mode of estimating individual merit. But in is found surrounded by a very different set of the present case, the history, accomplishments, associates from those with whom his fortune seemed at first indissolubly connected. Nei* The article upon The Rosciad in the Critical ther are the characters which Smollett designed Review (that fertile maker of all dissensions, in which Smollett was engaged) was so severe as to callforth should be interesting, half so amiable as his reathe bard's bitter resentment, in the second edition; ders could desire. The low-minded Roderick where, ascribing the offensive article to Smollett, in Random, who borrows Strap's money, wears his whsich he was mistaken, he thus apostrophizes him: clothes, and, rescued from starving by the at. "Whence could arise this mighty critic spleen, tachment of that simple and kind-hearted adThe muse a trifler, and her theme so mean? heremt, rewards him by suanderin his subWhat had I done, that angry Heav'n should send' q The bitterest foe, where most I wish'd a friend stance, receiving his atendace as a servant, Oft hath my tongue been wanton, at thy name, and beating him when the dice ran against him, And hail'd the honours of thy matchless fame. is not to be named in one day with the openFar me let hoary Fielding bite the ground, hearted, good-humoured, and noble-minded So nobler Pickle stand superbly bound. Tom Jones, whose libertinism (one particular Fsrom Livy's temples tear th' historic crown,;omitted) is perhaps rendered but too amiable by Which, with morejustice, blooms upon thy own." t A. poet of inferior note, author of a poem called his good qualities. We believe there are few The Race, has brought the same charge against readers who are not disgusted with the miseraSmollett, in still coarser terms. ble reward assigned to Strap in the closing 24 ~PREFATORY AMEMOIiR:OF,.hapter of the novel. Five hundlrfed pounds, nes' to thei Al'xt eo"/rld, carnot Ibe put inrto,:o tscaree thle value of tile gobdS ihe: had p desented mertsrv coniar'i son with Si. La celot Greave's to his master) an's the hand of a reilmi or'Fe;''d ootFt/so. street-walker, even whien addei to "a i'lginl d Eve',' srrccestsill novelist must be mnoe cOr farm, seem but a p00r reeomplense for his faith- less a poet, even.lthourogi I I ay ne ver' i," fill and disinterested attaehiment,'WVe shouldl: ritter a linre of' ver'se. Tle qirsii,'o' ity,:o,f;. d,, Jones equln sm1 isjOstice by weighing'hi m in thlie nhtior is' disol utely i nlsipensrbeto i; aalacee with the sav asge and ferocious:'Pdkle, accurate fio er' of (examising a ir r eml,,, ii,,. hio, besideis his gtross andl base. brrrtilitv to- I iytur tn ciharacter anod hu ist:u passior, nsa wevtsi _.I wv'ards Elrrilia, beasides his ingrk'titde to his tile exterrnal fa;c of r:ntur'e, is,rot less oeSst.::5, usicle, arid the savage p1rop ens ity whic he shows, ari tie tulent of isCrbin" wel what iic If - in tihe pleasure ie takes to torraerit others byv with acutenress, tdldsedi totlie rabove'erlUi;a,:.1. prractical jiokes, resembling those Of a fiend irs goes' far to cl' jilete'hle poetic cliaractesl'. g!ee —exhribits a low arid ungentlemanlike tone Sm6Ilett was, even ill tile o'liirar'y sese, w'Ihici of rhirkirng, only onei degree higher' than thatof linilts tiret a nrae to tiose wiso. rite verses', Rliderick Randiom.'ihe blackguarr;tfi; f6lie of poet of.iistintion rrin, iii'this ilsiticlar, so' itiroluciing a Irostitute, in a false clrarracter, to perior to Fieldi,rL,:.sisOi0 sl(iot0 ina aiIs at mrsore iris sister, is a sufficient'instance'of that want oft hsall a sligrt tranisliation f'rioir tire, classicS.: taste and feelieirg wvlicl Srnolleft's atdr(irers are Accordingly, if 1W/l is'surpassed iy F i eli C rg ite cmrpellel to actknow le'dge msayhe ideteetei l in ooving p!ity, -t!ie'irer Ilovelist soarsi fistr hiis writings. It is yet more impossible to coru- aboive i ir,is Ijowers 0f eqcitirg terror'. pan'e Sophia or' Amelia to thie females of SMtoi- Fisis _ira s 1n1 ro imas ag,~es iicirhl ai'riroahr ill sublett, who (exelptirln' Arreli Ii'r r'a'iel ) are rIh'awr'li oiyts' to tie obb-er sc ir Cort Frtsor; ol( tr arsthie objects ratiher'of appetite tliran of'iafc, tior l tire te/rible riesdrifrtiour of ns sea JnggeIt' ir ntrI. excite no hirgher or' orsre nbleirteiitrest tirar ivricir Rtoderick:Iraniori i sits ch'ainer arriI exis,& urigbit be createdby' the Htouris ofthe'Morllama le- -c1 rp'or the oop, witot the po ser f rrotior d:ars paradise. or exertion:, durirng' tie crirage I0ia trenaseniolro It' follows firom tiis sruperioirity on the side'engisaeoment. Upolls many btirer occasiorsn_, of F'ielding, that hiis novels xlii it, nmsor Ire -i S irtI'ss dsrie'tiors ascerdl to the Sssliiiri'td (lsertl y tisar tiose of'Smrrolle tt, scerens of"lis- anrdi'nir gerneal,, tirere. is ian air of a l-o nf are iSn tress, whichi excite tile sympartiy as ( it' f iris rtis srir ir aises'his narratives /:bs6'v tre reaider'.'No one call refrise'Ir Is cor'ispa'ssiorr tihe level iri d easy course nf ordirar'y lf,'lIii. le t, Josres Wuhen, by a train'of practices urori iis wa's, like a ps e-eminrrnt rpoetf o u' orr'w day,.g'eei'snoi' s anrrs Olpen charactr'er,' Ie is exIrelle id seaclrer' of dark bsIr6on s,. and 1 lo'cdd to lit:sron his be/ieParctor:'s house underr thre ltalest,'cliar':ctei's rundertl;ire strosag:agitatiorn of fis'r"ce airsd most iieri-t-r'enrling acurrsatiorns; but we cer'- ansrd stormy [rasiioIs.'ler reCe, mnisarithr, roes. titly smnpastirize very little is tihe distrdss of gamblers, ardd rlrdllists, are as eois lnro on in iris Pickle, brosgh lt or iy Iis own pl6figate!i- vrks, as'ibs us irs t.iose of Sa! itor Rosa,'nit?? ir Sior. anrd erlrmrrsc/dy hy iri iiSols',rrtrsi isartiir- so aar'e (iraw, i5 n mrostCr'casrs tirl tle sa:me n terip'. We are only surrrs'isedl tihat:iris'irLsisIoli- il eeet.' cm Fetree'dirrd"C Cost'Fitlrratirng arrogancee noes rnot N w'e'r'y ourt t!ire t/som to':the.6irt/raS " /J'd of'?F' iring, ivorl isc-nevolence'of H attch rayuy isil Pi"ses,::ain sea,;,e peI'isssias i u I r to tise I tt':etcr autlIror'; vet, tie tlirk tie ruirned se'filntirift idese'ves lrhir' per- rwvorks; beingr compjos' or thie srrrne':ia a sevri rgi ard faitiirfui att:,iciment? very bad one, rs.re tirrtd), we carsot Ienc, But thie deep aid fir'tile goirus f'smolett l'acirg te i:tire skIe ofas ote', us e t e n I u s6 M 0 I.)yl" toei 8! lel! x i! ~tre id f f'Leci othe w l!l Ilc, z t f'fisried resour'ees siffi'cierttoIbamlane' tiese si- lieonrcss: art oneubi it: s tiiatlie detestablc 1"aficierrciis; aird wheenr'tire-fis11 wcigirt t heer tiom is a iv a eiSting miscreant, nrt rsiowed- to Fiieldirg's superir'I;ty'of trste ii irom e Si ik a'rIs tiepresreof am inexpressior, Iris nor'thiernr corstemlior'arv u II stil Carrnate fiendus bi e. tin ti le';:eir o Feirsses'ni$ be fitur'd fit/ to islance tire scalie ustI r:li a great Iisrei st r l erS iah on oftieIshtract,: I.'i rival. If Fie'lding had superior taste; ttle isais isle of evil,'so f: r'fir inhrrbnig terrible, that, rustof mor'e brilliancy'of si more r snrsti -w Vithstr'nliirir' the kns:,iedIge of'the riger ble r'iclres:of inve'ertior, mist in jrstice Ie irn ra:iny,-pass aes offhris ad venIttesw,...e are cor,,atwA5r(dedi to Ss1oll'ett. In comlparison wViti Iris speriI(I toa crcsnoWihed.,hi nabss;;tire r. sirer'lle, trhati irfiici Fieldirg us;/ikedw was Ilmit -'' ihseer'i'fly ii'isofsior rii Cen; arrd, comlnmnr'ed withi tie Wealiti!y,'ofursion,rrotiits, aliso ot: to )pr ig' flits' ttirmt we reeoganmis, 1' vaiieid chlar'rcter aild. iircideni t wh'ir~ Sinollett tie suttprirr I ilctnses "nsfs S!rihett's ftnris(rt'' lie r;ns sc:rttere(I tlrs'oxgh fIis vo:rlks, tisere:is a ro- isever shotws' thie. least:esie: to.rakr. tinre, nrsot vctty of compdsitior abort rais iisal, el:: diirgi's' frrr r'ests o~n is rirgie /r'c vr, andtiaart A judgo. competent in theIs lihe st dercrre e, hs, fa',~c,.ests oila shi~:leI ch~fd'~~Uvre.I ad, tie a r t " I.....................thlus-eharacieriz'etti;tgta no ~ ('?The, he.,I arrts irndustry suhics'o0diue Im sss nies t c et pos'iey.o, as' a porti fonoflelircacy.not ta...:e f:rdrd, r i anch rnsvel,.t; I',lale, to rise to.equal ex'e llence-:in;[inidia. L but' they.haue t n.9ie.those; prox.se:fiem, tc' l'tirouirh, tlrer~ef'ore, wevn mi. s i.lrrt,:enfe;' Pore strengh't:of'aastrs rshad,;myr' cr I'he torinei/ashstr J.ncs as tie mrost irsastsrly exalmplie of almstnl atl we mig. bn tn s' -.o, pc In, r I, t anrid w'll-told noioel, to ainy ii'idrurl. wourk of lieft' this b oetiet.W rirsprsv''pt,, x,:o Srnrtdbs'tt, )'et Jiodsr mAi Plrslorri Per s/sr r cisec but.we siyouldble idn(; if;:.Ia. aad. rmorer.r rf hI' 1-ovels ju~st:Ias: t IC) q._~~Si~!:'':t I!~'i:nl' Pickle, arrnd Iluphr ie,' C/intk er',' c,, )o eac so, 1t as time Poens, b/'a7.? himsa (n. r: r / l itin:rtlh far' excel Josej/h Alsdt e;vs otr.lsnelica; ariI to de- that in these very nrvotls rire ex.teridine. yi;i.'. seelld still lawer', JOrmtih/rr J, Wf'et ori tle Jsour- i c inrgredients both'r oft gr ave "and I'otsrots'loe'rv.' SMOLIETT'S LIFE AND WRITINGS. 25 either of a clharacter, or a situ:atioil,or aill ad ven- shotwi how adt(lirtably well tlleir d(rty can be ture, but thlrows tlemn tog-ether with a i'areless- dlichared without. asy paltitcllar' attach melt to ness which ar-lges 11l0tlimtited confidence ill his tobacco or flip, or the dleciled pref erence of a own powers. Fieldil Ig pauses to explaill tile chleck shirt over a lirnen one. principles of his art, and to congvatuilate himl- In tile comic par:t of their writings, we hlnsve self an(d his readlers on tIre felicity, with wvhich alealdy said, Fieldlinig is pre-emitneint ii gr.av: lhe constr'ucts his narrative, or makes his clla- irony, a Cervantic species of l!t',,slntry, ii raeters evolve themuselves in the )progress. wslich Stoollett is not equally success!'i. ( iI These appeals to the reader's judgment, adm(i- the other hlaind, thle Scotchian (notwitbstansso.!i;. raule as they are, Ia;tve sorretimes the tftult of the general opiniori denies tliat quality to Ihis being dliffse, and al ways the great di sadvantage, countrymen) excels il broadl andt ltilicrltis tthat they remrind ls we are p)etrusing a work of molrt. His flncey seems to:un riot in acecumufiction, and that the beings with whom, we have lating ridiculous ci rcutmstanlces one up)on alobeen conversant duoring tlhe perusal, are but a tter, to thle utter destruction of till ipowrer ot set of evanescenit plianrtomns, conrjured up by a gravity; and lperlhaps no books ever written ltave rnagician for our amnusement. Srmollett seltl(m excited sucIh peals of inextingutish-iable hiug!iter, holdls communication with his reaIders in Ilis as those of Smollett. The dlescriltions wlricrh.own person. tle rnarrages hlis delightlfill pnu)i- tsaffct us thus polverftlly, border' somietiimes i et-show withllott tlhristing hiis head beyond the upon whsat is called fiarce or car'icature; but if it curtain, like Giues. de Passamonote, to explainl be the highest praise of patlletic coml)ositi on iwhat lie is (doing, and hence, besides that our that it draws forth tears, whry shiould( it nlrt be attention to tihe story r emains unllbroken, we are esteemedl thle greatest excellence of tire ludisiure that the author, full'y confident in the abuun- crorrs that it compels laughter? T'le one ti;i;lince of hIis mriaiterials, hras no occasion to eke Iibute is at least'as genuirle an exl)ression of.1oeth outl witlh extrlinsic matter. rnatur-al feelitnr as thle other; anrd lie ws)o cain Stnollett's sea characters tave been deservedly read the calamities of Trunnuion anrd H-atehwxva, eotnsidered l as irnimritable; andl tihe power with I when run away uvith by their mettled steeds, or lwhichl he ilas' diversifiedt them, in so many in- the illimitable absurdities of thie feast of the stances, distinguishring the individlarl features anicienrts, without a good hlearty burlst of lioIt'st of ea:ch Ironest tar, while each possesses a htill lanlghter, must b)e well qualified to look sil andl pIroportion Of pr'ot'essional manners and habits of g-entlemanlike witr Lord Clhesteirfieldl or Master tInirnkirng, is a most absolute proof of tile rich- Steplhen. r' ess of' tiney with whichl tile autholr wis gifiedl, Upon the whole, the genrius of Snrollett nmav land whicli we have noticed as his chief adlvan- be saidl to resemuble that of utllerins. His piertare over Fielding. Bow ling, Trunnlion, HIatch- tures are often (teficient in glrace; son-retirres Vway, Pipes, and Crowe, are all imell of the same coarse and eveir vigala in conceptionl; (dficient elass, i:habrits, a(nd tone of thllirking, yet so corn- too in keeping, and in tile ndue suborl(irliatirol of pletely diffiei'ncled by their sepatrate and iindi- parts to each other; and iirtinatinig too mrueh viduail elialaeters, tliat at once we ackinowlerdge carelessness. on the part of their artist. But thers as distinct persons, while we see aid allow these farilts are reldeemed by su(h rit'hiess andl thiat every one of them belonigs to the old Enl- brilliancy of colours; such a profusion of imagiglish navy.'l'These striking portraits have nrow I nation-now bodying fiorth tile grand and territile rner'it which is cherished by antiqiqaries- ble-now the nattural, tile easy, antl tile lu(lithey pl'eserve the memrory of the school of Berr- crous; there is so much of life, action, andi bhushow adril Boscawen, whose manners are now tie in every group he has painted; so niuch banished from tire qrarter-deck to thre forecas- lrorce anil individuality of character': that we reatie. Th'le naval officers of the present day, the (lily grant to Smollett an equal rairk, with ilis splendour of whose actionts has thrown into siha- great rival Fielding, while we place bothl ta,' (low the exploits of a thousan(t yeas, d(lo not above any of threir successors in the salure lire affect tihe manners of a fore-mastman, and have of fictitious composition. O) THE ADVENTURES OF PEREGRINE PICKLE. BY TOBIAS SMOLLETT, M.D. ADVERTISEMENT TO THE THIRD BRITISH EDITION. AT length Peregrine Pickle makes his ap- oblige the public with this edition, which he pearance in a new edition, in spite of all the has endeavoured to render less unworthy of art and industry that were used to stifle him their acceptance, by retrenching the superin the birth, by certain booksellers and others, fluities of the first, reforming its manners, who were at uncommon pains to misrepre- and correcting its expression. Divers uninsent the work and calumniate the author. teresting incidents are wholly suppressed: The performance was decried as an im- some humourous scenes ne has endeavoured moral piece, and a scurrilous libel; the author to heighten; and he flatters himself that he was charged with having defamed the charac- has expunged every adventure, phrase, and ters of particular persons, to whom he lay insinuation, that could be construed by the under considerable obligations: and some for- most delicate reader into a trespass upon the midable critics declared that the book was rules of decorum. void of humour, character, and sentiment. He owns, with contrition, that, in one or These charges, had tney been supported two instances, he gave way too much to the by proof, would have certainly damned the suggestions of personal resentment, and rewriter and all his works; and even, unsup- presented characters as they appeared to him ported as they were, had an unfavourable at that time, through the exaggerating meeffect with the public: but, luckily for him, dium of prejudice: but he has in this impresshis real character was not unknown; and ion endeavoured to make atonement for these some readers were determined to judge for extravagancies. Howsoever he mlay have themselves, rather than trust implicitly to the erred in point of judgment or discretion, he allegations of his enemies. The book was defies the whole world to prove that he was found not altogether unworthy of their re- ever guilty of one act of malice, ingratitude, commendation; a very large impression has or dishonour. This declaration he may be been sold in England; another was bought permitted to make, without incurring the up in a neighbouring kingdom; the work has imputation of vanity or presumption, conbeen translated into the French language; sidering the numerous shafts of envy, rancour and the demand for the original lately in- and revenge, that have lately, both in private creased in England. It was the author's and in public, been levelled at his repu. duty, therefore, as well as his interest, to tation. ADVENTURES OF PEREGRINE PICKLE. CHAPTER I. long a housekeeper, he was entitled to that provision. In short, his talents were not An account of Mfr Gamaliel Pickle-the naturally active, and there was a sort of indisposition of his sister described-he consistency in his character; for, with all yields to her solicitations, and retires to the desire of amassing which any citizen the country. could possibly entertain, he was encumbered by a certain indolence and sluggishness IN a certain county of England, bounded on that prevailed over every interested consione side by the sea, and at the distance of deration, and even hindered him from proone hundred miles from the metropolis, lived fiting by the singleness of apprehension and Gamaliel Pickle, Esquire, the father of that moderation of appetites, which have so frehero whose adventures we purpose to re- quently conduced to the acquisition of imcord. He was the son of a merchant in mense fortunes-qualities which he possessLondon, who (like Rome) from small be- ed in a very remarkable degree. Nature, in ginnings had raised himself to the highest all probability, had mixed little or nothing honours of the city, and had acquired a inflammable in his composition; or, whatplentiful fortune, though, to his infinite re- ever seeds of excess she might have sown gret, he died before it amounted to a plum, within him, were effectually stifled and deconjuring his son, as he respected the last stroyed by the austerity of his education. injunction of a parent, to imitate his indus- The sallies of his youth, far from being intry, and adhere to his maxims, until he ordinate or criminal, never exceeded the should have made up the deficiency, which bounds of that decent jollity, which an extrawas a sum considerably less than fifteen ordinary pot, on extraordinary occasions, thousand pounds. may be supposed to have produced in a club This pathetic remonstrance had the de- of sedate book-keepers, whose imaginations sired effect upon his representative, who were neither very warm nor luxuriant. Little spared no pains to fulfil the request of the subject to refined sensations, he was scarce deceased, but exerted all the capacity with ever disturbed with violent emotions of any which nature had endowed him in a series kind. The passion of love never interruptof efforts, which, however, did not succeed; ed his tranquillity; and if, as Mr Creech for, by the time he had been fifteen years in says after Horace, trade, he found himself five thousand pounds worse than he was when he first took pos- To make men happy, and to keep them so. session of his father's effects; a circumstance that affected him so nearly, as to detach his Mr Pickle was undoubtedly possessed ot inclinations from business, and induce him that invaluable secret; at least he was never to retire from the world, to some place known to betray the faintest symptom of where he might at leisure deplore his mis- transport, except one evening at the club, fortunes, and by frugality secure himself where he observed, with some demonstrafrom want and the apprehensions of a jail, tions of vivacity, that he had dined upon a with which his imagination was incessantly delicate loin of veal. haunted. He was often heard to express his Notwithstandingthis appearance ofphlegm, fears of coming upon the parish, and to bless he could not help feeling his disappoirntments God, that, on account of his having been so in trade; and, upon the failure of a certain o0 SMOLLETT'S SELECT WORKS. underwriter, by which he lost five hundred was justified by the constructions that were 1pounds, declared his design of relinquishing put upon her retreat by her female friends, business, and retiring to the country. In who, far from imputing it to the laudable this resolution he was comforted and en- motives that induced her, insinuated, in sarcouraged by his only sister, Mrs Grizzle, castic commendations, that she had good who had managed his family since the death reason to be dissatisfied with a place where of his father, and was now in the thirtieth she had been so long overlooked; and that year of her maidenhood, with a fortune of it was certainly her wisest course to make five thousand pounds, and a large stock of her last effort in the country, where, in all economy and devotion. probability, her talents would be less eclipsThese qualifications, one would think, ed, and her fortune more attractive. might have been the means of abridging the Be this as it will, her admonitions, though term of her celibacy, as she never expressed they were powerful enough to convince, any aversion to wedlock; but it seems she would have been insufficient to overcome was too delicate in her choice to find a the languor and vis inertica of her brother, mate to her inclination in the city; for I had she not reinforced her arguments, by cannot suppose that she remained so long calling in question the credit of two or three unsolicited, though the charms of her per- merchants, with whom he was embarked in son were not altogether enchanting, nor her trade. manner over and above agreeable. Exclu- Alarmed at these hints of intelligence, he sive of a very wan (not to call it sallow) exerted himself effectually: he withdrew his complexion, which perhaps was the effects money from trade, and laying it out in bank of her virginity and mortification, she had a stock and India bonds, removed to a house cast in her eyes that was not at all engaging, in the country, which his father had built and such an extent of mouth, as no art or near the seaside, for the convenience of caraffectation could contract into any propor- rying on a certain branch of traffic in which tionable dimension; then her piety was ra- he had been deeply concerned. ther peevish than resigned, and did not in Here, then, Mr Pickle fixed his habitation the least diminish a certain stateliness in for life, in the six-and-thirtieth year of his her demeanour and conversation, that de- age; and though the pangs he felt at partlighted in communicating the importance ing with his intimate companions, and quitand honour of her family, which, by the by, ting all his former connexions, were not was not to be traced two generations back, quite so keen as to produce any dangerous by all the powers of heraldry or tradition. disorder in his constitution, he did not fail She seemed to have renounced all the to be extremely disconcerted at his first enideas she had acquired before her father trance into a scene of life to which he was served the office of sheriff; and the era totally a stranger. Not but that he met with which regulated the dates of all her observa- abundance of people in the country, who, in tions was the mayoralty of her papa. Nay, consideration of his fortune, courted his acso solicitous was this good lady for the sup- quaintance, and breathed nothing but friendport and propagation of the family name, ship and hospitality; yet even the trouble of that, suppressing every selfish motive, she receiving and returning these civilities was actually prevailed upon her brother to cornm- an intolerable fatigue to a man of his habits bat with his own disposition, and even sur- and disposition. He therefore left the care mount it so far as to declare a passion for of the ceremonial to his sister,'who indulged the person whom he afterwards wedded, as herself in all the pride of formality, while we shall see in the sequel. Indeed she was he himself, having made a discovery of a the spur that instigated him in all his extraor- public house in the neighbourhood, went dinary undertakings; and I question wheth- thither every evening, and enjoyed his pipe er or not he would have been able to disen-' and cann, being very well satisfied with the gage himself from that course of life in which behaviour of the landlord, whose communihe had so long mechanically moved, unless cative temper was a great comfort to his own he had been roused and actuated by her in- taciturnity; for he shunned all superfluity of cessant exhortations. London, she observ- speech as much as he avoided any other un. ed, was a receptacle of iniquity, where an necessary expense. honest unsuspecting man was every day in danger of falling a sacrifice to craft; where innocence was exposed to continual temp- CHAPTER II. tations, and virtue eternally persecuted by malice and slander; where every thing was He is made acquainted with the characters of ruled by caprice and corruption, and merit Commodore Trunnion and his adherents utterly discouraged and despisedi This last -meets with them by accident, and conimputation she pronounced with such em- tracts an intimacy with that commander. phasis and chagrin, as plainly denoted how far she considered herself as an example of THIS loquacious publican soon gave him what she advanced; and really the charge sketches of all the characters in the county, ADVENTURES OF PEREGRINE PICKLE. and, among others, described that of his next devil a goblin was to be found. He had i;it neighbour, Commodore Trunnion, which was sooner turned in again, and the rest of the altogether sinu"iuTr anid odd " The cor- family gone to sleep, than the foul fiends bemodore and your worship," said he, "will in gan their game anew. The commodore got a short time be hand and gloved he has a up in the dark, drew his cutlass, and attackpower of money, and spends it like a prince, ed them both so manfully, that, in five mithat is, in his own way; for, to be sure, he nutes, every thing in the apartment went to is a little humorsome, as the saying is, and pieces. The lieutenant, hearing the noise, swears woundily, though I'll be sworn he came to his assistance. Tom Pipes, being means no more harm than a sucking babe. told what was the matter, lighted his match, Lord help us! it will do your honour's heart and going down to the yard, fired all the pagood to hear him tell a story, as how he lay tereroes as signals of distress. Well, to be alongside of the French, yard-arm and yard- sure, the whole parish was in a pucker; some arm, board and board, and of heaving grap- thought the French had landed; others imaplings, and stinkpots, and grapes, and round gined the commodore's house was beset by and double-headed partridges, crows, and thieves; for my own part, I called up two carters-Laud have mercy upon us! he has dragoons that are quartered upon me, and been a.great warrior in his time, and lost an'they swore, with deadly oaths, it was a gang eye and a heel in'the hservic'...>.tilih hi e does of smugglers engaged with a party of their not liiee like'any''ther christian land-man, regiment that lies in the next village; and but keeps garrison in his house as if he mounting their horses, like lusty fellows, were in the midst of his enemies, and makes rode up into the country as fast as their his servants turn out in the night, watch beasts could carry them. Ah, master, these and watch (as he calls it), all the year are hard times, when an industrious body round. His. habipttjioiisJdefended by a cannot earn his bread without fear of the ditch, over which he has laid'a'diraawbridge, gallows. Your worship's father (God rest and planted his courtyard with patereroes his soul!) was a good gentleman, and as continually loaded with shot, under the di- well respected in this parish as e'er a he that rection of one Mr Hatchway, who had one walks upon neat's leather. And if your hoof his legs shot away while he acted as lieu- nour should want a small parcel of fine tea, tenant on board the commodore's ship; and or a few ankers of right Nants, I'll be bound now being on half pay, lives with him as his you shall be furnished to your heart's concompanion. The lieutenant is a very brave tent. But, as Iwas sayinog, the hubbub conman, a great joker, and, as the saying is, tinued till morning, when the parson being hath got the length of his commander's foot; sent for, conjured the spirits into the Red though he has another favourite in the house, Sea; and the house has been pretty quiet called Tom Pipes, that was his boatswain's ever since. True it is, Mr Hatchway makes mate, and now keeps the servants in order. a mock of the whole affair; and told his Tom is a man of few words, but an excel- commander in this very blessed spot, that lent hand at a song, hussel-cap, and chuck- the two goblins were no other than a couple farthing. Concerning the boatswain's whis- of jackdaws which had fallen down the chimtle, there is not such another pipe in the ney, and made a flapping with their wings county. So that the commodore lives very up and down the apartment. But the comhappy in his own manner; thof he be some- modore, who is very choleric, and does not times thrown into perilous passions and like to be jeered, fell into a main highpassion, quandaries, by the application of his poor and stormed like a perfect hurricane, swearkinsmen, whom he can't abide, because as ing that he knew a devil from a jackdaw as how some of them were the first occasion of well as e'er a man in the three kingdoms. He his going to sea. Then he sweats with owned, indeed, that the birds were found, agony at the sight of an attorney; just for but denied that they were the occasion of all the world, as some people have an anti- the uproar. For my own part, master, I bepathy to a cat; for it seems he was once at lieve much may be said on both sides of the law for striking one of his officers, and cast question, thof, to be sure, the devil is always in a swinging sum. He is, moreover, ex- going about, as the saying is." ceedingly afflicted with goblins that disturb This circumstantial account, extraordinary his rest, and keep such a racket in his house, as it was, never altered one feature in the that you would think (God bless us!) all countenance of Mr Piclle, who having heard the devils in hell had bioke loose upon him. it to an end, took the pipe from his mouth, It was no longer ago than last year, about saying, with a look of infinite sagacity and this time, that he was tormented the live- deliberation, —" I do suppose he is of the long night by two mischievous spirits that Cornish Trunnions. What sort of a woman got into his chamber, and played a thousand is his spouV." " Spouse!" cried the other, pranks about his hammock (for there is not " odds heart! I don't think he would marry one bed within his walls). Well, sir, he the queen of Sheba. Lack-a-day! sir, he rung his bell, called up all his servants, got won't suffer his own maids to lie in the garlights, and made a thorough search; but the rison, but turns them into an out-house every 3* S32 SMOLLETT'S SELECT WORKS. night before the watch is set. Bless your tion in the rear. After a pause of some mihonour's soul, he is, as it were, a very odd- nutes, the conversation was begun by this ish kind of a gentleman. Your worship ferocious chief, who, fixing his eye upon the would have seen him before now; for when lieutenant with a sternness of countenance he is well, he and my good master Hatch- not to be described, addressed him in these way come hither every evening, and drink a words. " Damn my eyes, Hatchway, I alcouple of canns of rumbo a-piece; but he ways took you to be a better seaman than has been confined to his house this fortnight to overset our chaise in such fair weather. by a plaguy fit of the gout, which, I'll as- Blood! did'nt I tell you we were running sure your worship, is a good penny out of my bump ashore, and bid you set in the leepocket." brace, and haul upon a wind?" " Yes," At that instant, Mr Pickle's ears were sa- (replied the other, with an arch sneer), " I luted with such a strange noise, as even dis- do confess as how you did give such orders, composed the muscles of his face, which after you had run us foul of a post, so as gave immediate indications of alarm. This that the carriage lay along, and could not composition of notes, at first, resembled the right herself." " I run you foul of a post!" crying of quails and croaking of bull-frogs; cried the commander; " damn my heart! but, as it approached nearer, he could dis- you're a pretty dog, an't you, to tell me so tinguish articulate sounds pronounced with aboveboard to my face? Did I take charge great violence, in such a cadence as one of the chaise? Did I stand at the helml",would expect to hear from a human creature "No," answered Hatchway, " I must conscolding through the organs of an ass. It fess you did not steer; but howsomever, you was neither speaking nor braying, but a sur- cunned all the way, and so, as you could not prising mixture of both, employed in the ut- see how the land lay, being blind of your terance of terms absolutely unintelligible to. larboard eye, we were fast ashore, before our wondering merchant, who had just open- you knew any thing of the matter. Pipes, ed his mouth to express his curiosity, when who stood abaft, can testify the truth of the landlord, starting up at the well-known what I say." "Damn my limbs!" resumed sound, cried, " Odds nigers! there is the the commodore, " I don't value what you or commodore with his company, as sure as I Pipes say a rope-yarn. You'r a couple of live;" and with his apron began to wipe mutinous-I'll say no more; but you shan't the dust off an elbow chair placed at one side run your rig upon me, damn ve. I am the of the fire, and kept sacred for the ease and man that learnt you, Jack Hatchway, to convenience of this infirm commander. splice a rope, and raise a perpendicular." While he was thus occupied, a voice still The lieutenant, who was perfectly well more uncouth than the former bauled aloud, acquainted with the trim of his captain, did "Ho! the house, a hoy!" Upon which the not choose to carry on the altercation ally publican, clapping a hand to each side of his farther; but taking up his cann, drank to the head, with his thumbs fixed to his ears, re- health of the stranger, who very courteously bellowed in the same tone, which he had returned the compliment, without, however, learned to imitate, "hilloah." The voice presuming to join in the conversation, which qgain exclaimed, "have you got any at- suffered a considerable pause. During this torneys aboard " and when the landlord interruption, Mr Hatchway's wit displayed replied, " no, no," this man of strange ex- itself in several practical jokes upon the compectation came in, supported by his two de- modore, with whom, he knew, it was dangerpendents, and displayed a figure every way ous to tamper in any other way. Being withanswerable to the oddity of his character. out the sphere of his vision, he securely pilHe was in stature at least six feet high, fered his tobacco, drank his rumbo, made wry though he had contracted a habit of stoop- faces, and (to use the vulgar phrase) cocked ing, by living so long on board; his com- his eye at him, to the no small entertainplexion was tawney, and his aspect rendered ment of the spectators, Mr Pickle himself hideous by a large scar across his nose, and not excepted, who gave evident tokens of a patch that covered the place of one eye. uncommon satisfaction at the dexterity of Being seated in his chair with great for- this marine pantomime. mality, the landlord complimented him upon Meanwhile, the captain's choler gradually his being able to come abroad again; and subsided, and he was pleased to desire having, in a whisper, c dnmunicated the Hatchway, by the familiar and friendly diminame of his fellow guest, whom the conlmo- nutive of Jack, to read a newspaper that lay dore already knew by report, went to pre- on the table before him. This task was acpare, with all imaginable despatch, the first cordingly undertaken by the lame lieutenant, allowance of his favourite liquor, in three who, among other paragraphs, read that separate canns (for each was accommodated which follows, with an elevation of voice with his own portion apart), while the lieu- that seemed to prognosticate something ex tenant sat down on the blind side of his traordinary: "We are informed that Admi commander; and Tom Pipes, knowing his ral Bower will very soon be created a British ]istance, with great modesty, took his sta- peer, for his eminent services during the ADVENTURES OF PEREGRINE PICKLE. 33 war, particularly in his late engagement with own trumpeter on occasion; thof I wish you the French fleet." Trunnion was thunder- would change the tune; for that is the same struck at this piece of intelligence. The mug you have been piping every watch for these dropped from his hand and shivered into a ten months past. Tunley himself will tell thousand pieces; his eye glistened like that you he has heard it five hundred times." of a rattlesnake, and some minutes elapsed "God forgive you, Mr Hatchway," said the before he could pronounce, "avast! over- landlord, interrupting him, "as I am an honest haul that article again." It was no sooner man and a housekeeper, I never heard a sylread a second time, than smiting the table lable of the matter." with his fists, he started up, and, with the This declaration, though not strictly true, most violent emphasis of rage and indigna- was extremely agreeable to Mr Trunnion, tion, exclaimed, "Damn my heart and liver! who, with an air of triumph, observed, " Aha!'tis a land lie, d'ye see; and I will maintain Jack, I thought I should bring you up, with it to be a lie, from the sprit-sail yard to the your jibes and your jokes: but suppose you mizen-top-sail haulyards! Blood and thun- had heard it before, is that any reason why der! Will Bower a peer of this realm! a it shouldn't be told to another person? fellow of yesterday, that scarce knows a mast There's the stranger, belike he has heard it from a manger; a snotty-nose boy, whom I five hundred times too; han't you, brother " myself have ordered to the gun for stealing addressing himself to Mr Pickle; who replied, eggs out of the hen-coops! and I, Hawser with alook expressing curiosity, "no, never," Trunnion, who commanded a ship before he he thus went on:-" Well, you seem to be could keep a reckoning, am laid aside, d'ye an honest, quiet sort of a man, and therefore see, and forgotten! If so be as this be the you must know, as I said before, I fell in with case, there is a rotten plank in our constitu- a French man of war, Cape Finisterre beartion, which ought to be hove down and re- ing about si-x-leagues on the weather bow, paired, d-n my eyes! For my own part, and the chasetti eleagues to leeward, going d'ye see, I was none of your Guinea pigs; before the wind; "whereupon I set my studI did not rise in the service by parliament- ding-sails, and, coming up with her, hoisted eering interest or a handsome b- of a wife. my jack and ensign, and poured in a whole I was not hoisted over the bellies of better broadside, before you could count three ratmen, nor strutted athwart the quarter-deck tlins in the mizen shrouds; for I always keep in a laced doublet, and thingumbobs at the a good look out, and love to havethe first wrists. Damn my limbs! I have been a fire." "That I'llbe sworn," said Hatchway; hard-working man, and seryevllQfflges on "for the day we made the Triumph, you board, from cook's shifter —to ~the command ordered the men to fire when she was hull-to, of a vessel. Here, you Tunley, there's the by the same token we below pointed the guns hand of a seaman, you dog." So saying, he at a flight of gulls; and I won a cann of laid hold on the landlord's fist, and honoured punch from the gunner, by killing the first him with such a squeeze, as compelled him bird." Exasperated at this sarcasm, he reto roar with great vociferation, to the in- plied with great vehemence,-" You lie, lubfinite satisfaction of the commodore, whose ber! damn your bones! what business have features were a little unbended by this ac- you to come always athwart my hause in knowledgment of his vigour; and he thus pro- this manner " You, Pipes, was upon deck, ceeded in a less outrageous strain. " They and can bear witness whether or not I fired make a damned noise about this engagement too soon. Speak, you blood of a -, and with the French; but egad! it was no more that upon the word of a seaman; how did than a bumboat battle, in comparison with the chase bear of us, when I gave orders to some that I have seen. There was old Rook fire." and Jennings, and another whom I'll be damn'd Pipes, who had hitherto sat silent, being before I name, that knew what fighting was. thus called upon to give his evidence, after As for my own share, d'ye see, I am none divers strange gesticulations, opened his of those that hollow in their own commenda- mouth like a gasping cod, and, with a cadence tion; but if so be that I were minded to stand like that of the east wind singing through a my own trumpeter, some of those little fel- cranny, pronounced, " Half a quarter of a lows that hold their heads so high, would be league, right upon our lee-beam." "Nearer, taken all aback, as the saying is; they would you porpuss-fac'd swab!" (cried the commobe ashamed to show their colours, damn my dore) " nearer by twelve fathom; but howeyes! I once lay eight glasses along-side somever, that's enough to prove the falsehood of the Flour-de Louse, a French man of war, of Hatchway's jaw-and so, brother, d'ye though her metal was heavier, and: her com- see, (turning to Mr Pickle,) I lay alongside plement larger by an hundred hands than of the Flour de Louse, yard-arm and yardmine. You, Jack Hatchway, damn ye, what arm, plying our great guns and small-arms, d'ye grin at D'ye think I tell a story, be- and heaving in stink-pots, powder-bottles, cause you never heard it before?" and hand gTenades, till our shot was all ex" Why, look ye, Sir," answered the lieu- pended, double-headed, partridge, and grape; tenant, " I am glad to find you can stand your then we loaded withiron-crows, marlinspikes, E 34 SMOLLETT'S SELECT WORKS. and old nails; but finding the Frenchman it at his silent deliverer, who received and took a great deal of drubbing, and that he pocketed his bounty without the least dehad shot away all our rigging, and killed and monstration of surprise or satisfaction; while wounded a great number of our men, d'ye the donor, turning to Mr Pickle, —" You see, see, I resolved to run him on board upon his brother," said he, " I make good the old sayquarter, and so ordered our grapplings to be ing, we sailors get money like horses, and got ready: but Monsieur, perceiving what spend it like asses: come, Pipes, let's have we were about, filled his top-sails, and sheered the boatswain's whistle, and be jovial." This off, leaving us like a log upon the water,, and musician accordingly applied to his mouth our scuppers running with blood." the silver instrument that hung at a buttonMr Pickle and the landlord paid such ex- hole of his jacket, by a chain of the same traordinary attention to the rehearsal of this metal, and, though not quite so ravishing as exploit, that Trunnion was encouraged to the pipe of Hermes, produced a sound so loud entertain them with more stories of the same and shrill, that the stranger (as it were innature; after which he observed, by way of stinctively) stopped his ears, to preserve his encomium on the government, that all he had organs of hearing from such a dangerous gained in the service was a lame foot and invasion. The prelude being thus executed, the loss of an eye. The lieutenant, who Pipes fixed his eyes upon the egg of an ostrich could not find in his heart to lose any oppor- that depeni~d~ed-'frofii the ceiling, and without tunity of being witty at the expense of his once movingthem-fromthat object, performed commander, gave a loose to his satirical talent the whole cantata in a tone of voice that once more, saying, " I have heard as how seemed to be the joint issue of an Irish bagyou came by your lame foot by having your pipe and a sow-gelder's horn; the commoupper-decks overstowed with liquor, whereby dore, the lieutenant and landlord, joined in you became crank, and rolled, d'ye see, in the chorus, repeating this elegant stanza, such a manner, that, by a pitch of the ship, your starboard heel was jammed in one of Bustle, bustle, blave boys! the scuppers; and as for the matter of your Let us sing, let us toil, And drink all the while, eye, that was knocked out by your own crew SiAndce labour's the price of our joys. when the Lightning was paid off: there's poor Pipes, who was beaten into all the The third line was no sooner pronounced, colours of the rainbow for taking your part, than the cann was lifted to every man's and giving you time to sheer off; and I don't mouth with admirable uniformity; and the find as how you have rewarded him according next word taken up at the end of their draught as he deserves." As the commodore could with a twang equally expressive and harmonot deny the truth of these anecdotes, how- nious. In short, the company began to unever unseasonably they were introduced, he derstand one another; Mr Pickle seemed to affected to receive them with good humour, relish the entertainment, and a corresponas jokes of the lieutenant's own inventing; dence immediately commenced between him and replied,-" Ay, ay, Jack, every body and Trunnion, who shook him by the hand, knows your tongue is no slander; but how- drank to further acquaintance, and even insomever, I'll work you to an oil for this, you vited him to a mess of pork and pease in the dog." So saying, he lifted up one of his garrison. The compliment was returned, crutches, intending to lay it gently across good fellowship prevailed, and the night was Mr Hatchway's pate; but Jack, with great pretty far advanced when the merchant's agility, tilted up his wooden leg, with which man arrived with a lantern to light his mashe warded off the blow, to the no small ad- ter home; upon which the new friends parted, miration of Mr Pickle, and utter astonish- after a mutual promise of meeting next evement of'the landlord, who, by the bye, had ning in the same place. expressed the same amazement, at the same feat, at the same hour, every night for three months before. Trunnion then directing his CHAPTER III. eye to the boatswain's mate, " You, Pipes," said he, "do you go about and tell people Mrs Grizzle exerts herself in finding a that I did not reward you for standing by me proper match for her brother; who is acwhen I was hussled by these rebellious rap- cordingly introduced to the young lady, scallions; d-n you, han't you been rated on whom he marries in due season. the books ever since?" Tom, who, indeed, had no words to spare, sat smoaking his pipe I HAVE been the more circumstantial in openwith great indifference, and never dreamed ing the character of Trunnion, because he of paying any regard to these interrogations; bears a considerable share in the course of which being repeated and reinforced with these memoirs; but now it is high time to many oaths, that, however, produced no ef- resume the consideration of Mrs Grizzle, fect, the commodore pulled out his purse, who, since her arrival in the country, had 3aying, " Here, you bitch's baby, here's some- been engrossed by a double care, namely,.hing better than a smart ticket;" and threw that of finding a suitable match for her bro ADVENTURES OF PEREGRINE PICKLE. 35 ther:, and a comfortable yoke-fellow for her- his love in writing, he took this opportunity self. of acting in conformity with her advice, when Neither was this aim the result of any his imagination was unengaged or undisturbed sinister or frail suggestion, but the pure dic- by any other suggestion, without suspecting tates of that laudable ambition, which prompt- the least that she intended to save him the ed her to the preservation of the family name. trouble of exercising his own genius. Left, Nay, so disinterested was she in this pursuit, therefore, as he imagined, to his own inventhat, postponing her nearest concern, or at tions, he sat down and produced the followleast leaving her own fate to the silent ope- ing morceau, which was transmitted to Miss ration of her charms, she laboured with such Appleby before his sister and counsellor had indefatigable zeal in behalf of her brother, the least information of the affair. that, before they had been three months set- MIss SALLY APPLEBY. tied in the country, the general topic of con- Madam,-Understanding you have a parversation inthe neighbouroodwas anin Mada Understandingyouhave a partended match between the rich Mr Picklen- cel of heart, warranted sound, to be disposed tend the fair Miss Appleby, daughterich Mr Pikof a of, shall be willing to treat for said commoand the fair Miss Appleby, daughter of ashall gentleman who lived in the next parish, and dity, on reasonable terms. Doubt not shall who, though he had but little fortune to be- agree for same. Shall wait of you for further stow upon his children, had (to use his own formation, when and where you shall ap phrase) replenished their veins with some of point. This the needful fiom yours, &c. the best blood in the country. "GAM. PICKLE." This young lady, whose character and dis- This laconic epistle, simple and unadorned position Mrs Grizzle had investigated to her as it was, met with as cordial a reception own satisfaction, was destined for the spouse from the person to whom it was addressed, of Mr Pickle, and an overture was accordingly as if it had been couched in the most elegant made to her father, who being overjoyed at terms that delicacy of passion and cultivated the proposal, gave his consent without hesi- genius could supply; nay, I believe, was the tation, and even recommended the immediate more welcome, on account of its mercantile execution of the project with such eagerness, plainness: because, when an advantageous as seemed to indicate either a suspicion of match is in view, a sensible woman often Mr Pickle's constancy, or a diffidence of his considers the flowery professions and rapown daughter's complexion, which perhaps turous exclamations of love as ensnaring he thought too sanguine to keep much long- ambiguities, or at best impertinent prelimier cool. -The previous point being thus set- naries, that retard the treaty they are designed tled, our merchant, at the instigation of' Mrs to promote; whereas Mr Pickle removed all Grizzle, went to visit his future father-in-law, disagreeable uncertainty, by descending at and was introduced to the daughter, with once to the most interesting particular. whom he had, that same afternoon, an op- She had no sooner, as a dutiful child, comportunity of being alone. What passed in municated this billet-doux to her father, than that interview I never could learn, though, he, as a careful parent, visited Mr Pickle, from the character of the suitor, the reader and, in the presence of Mrs Grizzle, demand} may justly conclude, that she was not much ed a formal explanation of his sentiments teased with the impertinence of his addresses. with regard to his daughter Sally. Mr GaHe was not, I believe, the less welcome for maliel, without any ceremony, assured him that reason; certain it is she made no ob- he had a respect for the young woman, and, jection to his taciturnity, and, when her fa- with his good leave, would take her for betther communicated his resolution, acquiesced ter for worse. Mr Appleby, after having with the most pious resignation. But Mrs expressed his satisfaction that he had fixed Grizzle, in order to give the lady a more fa- his affections in his family,' comforted the vourable idea of his intellects than what his lover with the assurance of his being agreeaconversation could possibly inspire, was re- ble to the young lady, and they forthwith solved to dictate a letter, which her brother proceeded to the articles of the marriage should transcribe and transmit to his mistress, settlement, which being discussed and deteras the produce of his own understanding, mined, a lawyer was ordered to engross them; and had actually composed a very tender bil- the wedding-clothes were bought, and, in let for this purpose; yet her intention was short, a day was appointed for the celebration entirely frustrated by the misapprehension of of their nuptials, to which every body of any the lover himself, who, in consequence of fashion in the neighbourhood was invited. his sister's repeated admonitions, anticipat- Among these Commodore Trunnion and Mr ed her scheme, by writing for himself, and Hatchway were not forgotten, being the sole dispatching the letter one afternoon, while companions of the bridegroom, with whom, Mrs Grizzle was visiting at the parson's. by this time, they had contracted a sort of Neither was this step the effect of his intimacy at their nocturnal rendezvous. vanity or precipitation; but having been often They had received a previous intimation assured by his sister, that it was absolutely of what was on the anvil from the landlord, necessary for him to make a declaration of before Mr Pickle thought proper to declare 36 SMOLLETT'S SELECT WVTORK1s,. himself; in consequence of which, the topic with a most agreeable and infantine lisp; her of the one-eyed commander's discourse at address was perfectly obliging; and though, their meeting, for several evenings before, conscious of the extraordinary capacity of had been the folly and plague of matrimony, her mouth, she would not venture to hazard on which he held forth with great vehemence a laugh, she modelled her lips into an enof abuse, levelled at the fair sex, whom he chanting simper, which played upon her represented as devils incarnate, sent from countenance all day long; nay, she even prohell to torment mankind; and, in particular, fited by that defect in her vision we have alinveighed against old maids, for whom he ready observed, and securely contemplated seemed to entertain a singular aversion; those features which were most to her liking, while his friend Jack confirmed the truth of while the rest of the company believed her all his allegations, and gratified his own ma- regards were disposed in a quite contrary lignant vein at the same time, by clenching direction. With what humility of complaisevery sentence with a sly joke upon the mar- ance did she receive the compliments of ried state, built upon some allusion to a ship those who could not help praising the eleor seafaring life. IIe compared a woman to gance of the banquet! and how piously did a great gun, loaded with fire, brimstone, and she seize that opportunity of commemorating noise, which, being violently heated, will the honours of her sire, by observing, that ii bounce and fly, and play the devil, if you don't was no merit in her to understand something take special care of her breechings. He said of entertainments, as she had occasion to she was like a hurricane, that never blows preside at so many during the mayoralty of from one quarter, but veers about to all points her papa! Far from discovering the least of the compass: he likened her to a painted symptom of pride and exultation when the galley curiously rigged, with leak in her hold, opulence of her family became the subject,of which her husband would never be able to conversation, she assumed a severity of counstop. He observed that her inclinations tenance; and, after having moralized on the were like the bay of Biscay; for why? be- vanity of riches, declared, that those who cause you may heave your deep sea lead looked upon her as a fortune were very mucli long enough without ever reaching the bot- mistaken; for her father had left her no aore tom: that he who comnies to anchor on a wife, than poor five thousand pounds, which, with may find himself moored in damned foul what little she had saved of the interest since ground, and, after all, can't for his blood slip his death, was all she had to depend upon; his cable: and that, for his own part, thof he indeed, if she had placed her chief felicity in might make short trips for pastime, he would wealth, she should not have been so forward never embark in woman on the voyage of in destroying her own expectations, by ad-life, because he was afraid of foundering in vising and promoting the event at which the first foul weather. they were now so happily assembled; but In all probability, these insinuations made she hoped she should always have virtue some impression on the mind of Mr Pickle, enough to postpone any interested considerwho was not very much inclined to run great ation, when it should happen to clash with risks of any kind; but the injunctions and the happiness of her friends. Finally, such importunities of his sister, who was bent upon was her modesty and self-denial, that she the match, overbalanced the opinion of his industriously informed those whom it might sea friends, who finding him determined to concern, that she was no less than three marry, notwithstanding all the hints of cau- years older than the bride, though, had she tion they had thrown out, resolved to accept added ten to the reckoning, she would have his invitation, and honoured his nuptials with committed no mistake in point of computatheir presence accordingly. tion. To contribute as much as lay in her power to the satisfaction of all present, she, in the CHAPTER IV. afternoon, regaled them with a tune on the harpsichord, accompanied with her voice, The behaviour of Mrs Grizzle at the wed- which, though not the most melodious in the ding, with an account of the guests. world, I dare say would have been equally at their service, could she have vied with I HOPE it will not be thought uncharitable, Philomel in song; and as the last effort of f I advance, by way of conjecture, that Mrs her complaisance, when dancing was proGrizzle, on this grand occasion, summoned posed, she was prevailed upon, at the reher whole exertion, to play off the artillery quest of her new sister, to open the ball in of her charms upon the single gentlemen person. who were invited to the entertainment: sure In a word, Mrs Grizzle was the principal I am, she displayed to the best advantage all figure in this festival, and almost eclipsed the engaging qualities she possessed: her the bride, who, far from seeming to dispute affability at dinner was altogether uncom- the pre-eminence, very wisely allowed her to mon; her attention to the guests was super- make the best of her talents; contenting herfiuously hospitable; her tongue was sheathed self with the lot to which fortune had al ~IDVENTURES OF PEREGRINE PICKLE. 37 ready called her, and which she imagined were prevented from throwing the stocking, would not be the less desirable, if her sister- and performing certain other ceremonies in-law were detached from the family. practised on such occasions. As for the I believe I need scarce advertise the reader, bride, she bore this misfortune with great that, during this whole entertainment, the good humour; and, indeed, on all occasions, commodore and his lieutenant were quite behaved like a discreet woman perfectly well out of their element: and this, indeed, was acquainted with the nature of her own situa. the case with the bridegroom himself, who, tion. being utterly unacquainted with any sort of polite commerce, found himself under a very disagreeable restraint during the whole CHAPTER V. scene. Trunnion, who had scarce ever been on Mrs Pickle assumes the reins of governshore till he was paid off, and never once in ment in her own family. —Her sister-inhis whole life in the company of any females law undertakes an enterprise of'great above the rank of those who herd upon the moment —but is-for some time diverted Point at Portsmouth, was more embarrassed from her purpose by a very interesting about his behaviour than if he had been sur- consideration. rounded at sea by the whole French navy. He had never pronounced the word madam WHATEVER deference, not to say submission, since he was born; so that, far from entering she had paid to Mrs Grizzle before she was into any conversation with the ladies, he so nearly allied to her family, she no sooner would not even return the compliment, or became Mrs Pickle than she thought it ingive the least nod of civility, when they cumbent upon her to act up to the dignity drank to his health; and, I verily believe, of the character; and the very day after the would rather have suffered suffocation than marriage ventured to dispute with her sisterallowed the simple phrase your servant to in-law on the subject of her own pedigree, proceed from his mouth. He was altogether which she affirmed to be more honourable in as inflexible with respect to the attitudes of all respects than that of her husband; observhis body; for, either through obstinacy or ing, that several younger brothers of her bashfulness, he sat upright without motion, house had arrived at the station of lord mayor insomuch that he provoked the mirth of a of London, which was the highest pitch of certain wag, who, addressing himself to the greatness that any of Mr Pickle's predecesslieutenant, asked whether that was the com- ors had ever attained. modore himself, or the wooden lion that used This presumption was like a thunderbolt to stand at his gate l An image to which, it to Mrs Grizzle, who began to perceive that must be owned, Trunnion's person bore no she had not succeeded quite' so well as she faint resemblance. imagined, in selecting for her brother a genMr Hatchway, who was not quite so un- tle and obedient yoke-fellow, who would alpolished as the commodore, and had certain ways treat her with that profound respect notions that seemed to approach the ideas which she thought due to her superior genius, of common life, made a less uncouth appear- and be entirely regulated by her advice and ance; but then he was a wit, and though of direction; however, she still continued to a very peculiar genius, partook largely of manage the reins of government in the house, that disposition which is common to all wits, reprehending the servants as usual; an office who never enjoy themselves except when she performed with great capacity, and in their talents meet with those marks of dis- which she seemed to take singular delight, tinction and veneration, which, in their own until Mrs Pickle, on pretence of consulting opinion, they deserve. her ease, told her one day she would take These circumstances being premised, it is that trouble upon herself, and for the future not to be wondered at if this triumvirate made assume the management of her own family. no objections to the proposal, when some of Nothing could be more mortifying to Mrs the grave personages of the company made Grizzle than such a declaration, to which, a motion for adjourning into another apart- after a considerable pause, and strange disment, where they might enjoy their pipes tortion of look, she replied,-" I shall never and bottles, while the young folks indulged refuse or repine at any trouble that may conthemselves in the continuance of their own duce to my brother's advantage." "Dear favourite diversion. Thus rescued, as it madam," answered the sister, "I am infin were, from a state of annihilation, the first itely obliged to your kind concern for MI use the two lads of the castle made of their Pickle's interest, which I consider as my existence was to ply the bridegroom so hard own, but I cannot bear to see you a sufferer with bumpers, that, in less than an hour, he by your friendship; and, therefore, insist upmade divers efforts to sing, and soon after on exempting you from the fatigue you have was carried to bed, deprived of all manner of borne so long." sensation, to the utter disappointment of the In vain did the other protest that she took bridemen and maids, who, by this accident, pleasure in the task; Mrs Pickle ascribed the i38 SMOLLETT'S SELECT WVORKS. assurance to her excess of complaisance, and did not scruple to damn her for a squinting, expressed such tenderness of zeal for her block-faced, chattering piss-kitchen; and indear sister's health and tranquillity, that the mediately afterwards drank despair to all old le]uctant maiden found herself obliged to re- maids. The toast Mr Pickle pledged without sign her authority, without enjoying the least the least hesitation, and next day intimated pretext for complaining of her being de- it to his sister, who bore the indignity with posed. surprising resignation, and did not therefore This disgrace was attended by a fit of desist from her scheme, unpromising as it peevish devotion that lasted three or four seemed to be, until her attention was called weeks; during which period she had the ad- off, and engaged in another care, which, for ditional chagrin of seeing the young lady gain some time, interrupted the progress of this an ascendancy over the mind of her brother, design. Her sister had not been married who was persuaded to set up a gay equipage, many months, when she exhibited evident and improve his housekeeping, by an aug- symptoms of pregnancy, to the general satismentation in his expense to the amount of a faction of all concerned, and the inexpressithousand a-year at least; though this altera- ble joy of Mrs Grizzle, who, as we have tion in the economy of his household effected already hinted, was more interested in the no change in his own disposition, or manner preservation of the family name than in any of life; for as soon as the painful ceremony other consideration whatever. She therefore of receiving and returning visits was perform- no sooner discovered appearances to justify ed, he had recourse again to the company of and confirm her hopes, than, postponing her his sea friends, with whom he spent the best own purpose, and laying aside that pique and part: of his time. But if he was satisfied with resentment she had conceived from the behahis condition, the case was otherwise with viour of Mrs Pickle, when she superseded Mrs Grizzle, who, finding her importance in her authority, or perhaps considering her in the family greatly diminished, her attractions no other light than that of the vehicle which neglected by all the male sex in the neigh- contained and was destined to convey her bourhood, and the withering hand of time brother's heir to light, she determined to exhang threatening over her head, began to ert her uttermost in nursing, tending, and feel the horror of eternal virginity, and, in a cherishing her, during the term of her irnsort of desperation, resolved at any rate to portant charge. With this view, she purrescue herself from that uncomfortable situ- chased Culpepper's Midwifery, which, witi, ation. Thus determined, she formed a plan, that sagacious performance dignified witl the execution of which, to a spirit less enter- Aristotle's name, she studied with indefati. prising and sufficient than hers, would have gable care, and diligently perused the Comn appeared altogether. impracticable; this was plete Housewife, together with Quincy's no other than to make a conquest of the com- Dispensatory, culling every jelly, marnamodore's heart, which the reader will easily lade, and conserve, which these authors rebelieve was not very susceptible of tender commend as either salutary or toothsome, impressions; but, on the contrary, fortified for the benefit and comfort of her sister-inwith insensibility and prejudice against the law, during her gestation. She restricted charms of the whole sex, and particularly her from eating roots, pot-herbs, fruit, and prepossessed to the prejudice of that class all sorts of vegetables; and one day when distinguished by the appellation of old maids, Mrs Pickle had plucked a peach with her in which Mrs Grizzle was by this time un- own hand, and was in the very act of putting happily ranked. She nevertheless took the it between her teeth, Mrs Grizzle perceived field, and, having invested this seemingly im- the rash attempt, and running up to her, fell pregnable fortress, began to break ground one upon her knees in the garden, entreating her, day, when Trunnion dined at her brother's, with tears in her eyes, to resist such a perby springing certain ensnaring commenda- nicious appetite. Her request was no sooner tions on the honesty and sincerity of seafar- complied with, than, recollecting that if her ing people, paying a particular attention to sister's longing was baulked, the child might his plate, and affecting a simper of approba- be affected with some disagreeable mark, or tion at every thing he said, which by any deplorable disease, she begged as earnestly, means she could construe into a joke, or with that she would swallow the fruit; and in the modesty be supposed to hear; nay, even when mean time ran for some cordial water of her he left decency on the left hand, which was own composing, which she forced upon her often the case, she ventured to reprimand his sister, as an antidote to the poison she had freedom of speech with a gracious grin, say- received. ing, "sure you gentlemen belonging to the This excessive zeal and tenderness did not sea have such an odd way with you." But fail to be very troublesome to Mrs Pickle, all this complacency was so ineffectual, that, who, having resolved divers plans for the refar from suspecting the true cause of it, the covery of her own ease, at length determined commodore, that veryevening, at the club, to engage Mrs Grizzle in such employment in presence of her brother, with whom by this as would interrupt that close attendance Ome he could take any manner of freedom, which she found so teasing and disagreeable. ADVENTURES OF PEREGRINE PICKLE. 39 Neither did she wait long for an opportunity with a view of consulting her sister's tranof putting her resolution in practice. The quillity, but on a random search through the very next day, a gentleman happening to whole county, for this unlucky fruit, which dine with Mr Pickle, unfortunately mention- was like to produce so much vexation and ed a pine-apple, part of which he had eaten prejudice to her and her father's house. a week before at the house of a nobleman, During three whole days and nights did who lived in another part of the country, at she, attended by a valet, ride from place to the distance of a hundred miles at least. place without success, unmindful of her The name of this fatal fruit was no sooner health, and careless of her reputation, that pronounced, than Mrs Grizzle, who inces- began to suffer from the nature of her inquisantly watched her sister's looks, took the ry, which was pursued with such peculiar alarm, because she thought they gave certain eagerness and distraction, that every body indications of curiosity and desire; and, af- with whom she conversed looked upon her ter having observed that she herself could as an unhappy person, whose intellects were never eat pine-apples, which were altogether. not a little disordered. unnatural productions, extorted by the force Baffled in all her researches within the of artificial fire out of filthy manure, asked, county, she at length resolved to visit that with a faltering voice, if Mrs Pickle was not very noblemnan, at whose house the officious of her way of thinking? This young lady, stranger had been (for her) so unfortunately who wanted neither slyness nor penetration, regaled, and actually arrived in a post-chaise at once divined her meaning, and replied, at the place of his habitation, where she inwith seeming unconcern, that, for her own troduced her business as an affair on which part, she should never repine if there was the happiness of a whole family depended. not a pine-apple in the universe, provided By virtue of a present to his lordship's garshe could indulge herself with the fruits of dener, she procured the Hesperian fruit, with her own country. which she returned in triumph. This answer was calculated for the benefit of the stranger, who would certainly have suffered for his imprudence by the resent- CHAPTER VI. ment of Mrs Grizzle, had her sister expressed the least relish for the fruit in question. It Mrs Grizzle is indefatigable in gratifying had the desired effect, and re-established the her sister's longing.-Peregrine is born, peace of the company, which was not a little and managed contrary to the directions endangered by the gentleman's want of con- and remonstrances of his aunt, who is sideration. Next morning, however, after disgusted upon that account, and resumes breakfast, the pregnant lady, in pursuance the plan which she had before rejected. of her plan, yawned, as it were by accident, full in the face of her maiden sister, who, be- THE success of this device would have en. ing infinitely disturbed by this convulsion, couraged Mrs Pickle to practise more of the affirmed it was a symptom of longing, and same sort upon her sister-in-law, had she not insisted upon knowing the object in desire; been deterred by a violent fever which seized when Mrs Pickle, assuming an affected smile, her zealous ally, in consequence of the fatold her she had eaten a most delicious pine- tigue and uneasiness she had undergone; apple in her sleep. This declaration was at- which, while it lasted, as effectually conduced tended with an immediate scream, uttered by to her repose as any other stratagem she Mrs Grizzle, who instantly perceiving her could invent. But Mrs Grizzle's health was sister surprised at the exclamation, clasped no sooner restored, than the other, being as her in her arms, and assured her, with a sort much incommoded as ever, was obliged, in of hysterical laugh, that she could not help her own defence, to have recourse to some screaming with joy, because she had it in other contrivance; and managed her artifices her power to gratify her dear sister's wish; in such a manner as leaves it at this day a a lady in the neighbourhgod having promised doubt whether she was really so whimsical to send her, in a present, a couple of deli- and capricious in her appetites as she herself cate pine-apples, which she would that very pretended to be; for her longings were not day go in quest of. restricted to the demands of the palate and Mrs Pickle would by no means consent to stomach, but also affected all the other orthis proposal, on pretence of sparing the gans of sense, and even invaded her imagiother unnecessary fatigue; and assured her, nation, which at this period seemed to be that if she had any desire to eat a pine-apple, strangely diseased. it was so faint that the disappointment could One time she longed to pinch her husproduce no bad consequence. But this assu- band's ear; and it was with infinite difficulty rance was conveyed in a manner (which she that her sister could prevail upon him to unknew very well how to adopt) that, instead dergo the operation. Yet this task was easy, of dissuading, rather stimulated Mrs Grizzle in comparison with another she undertook to set out immediately, not on a visit to that for the gratification of Mrs Pickle's unac-. lady, whose promise she herself had feigned, countable desire; which was no other than 4 40 SMOLLETT'S SELECT WORKS. to persuade the commodore to submit his perficies of Mr Trunnion's face; when Mrs chin to the mercy of the big-bellied lady, Grizzle, very much alarmed and disconcertwho ardently wished for an opportunity of ed, had recourse to a magnifying glass that plucking three black hairs from his beard. stood upon her toilet; and, after a most acWhen this proposal was first communicated curate examination, discovered a fibre of a to Mr Trunnion by the husband, his answer dusky hue, to which the instrument being was nothing but a dreadful effusion of oaths, applied, Mrs Pickle pulled it up by the root, accompanied with such a stare, and delivered to the no small discomposure of the owner, in such a tone of voice, as terrified the poor who feeling the smart much more severe beseecher into immediate silence; so that than he had expected, started up, and swore Mrs Grizzle was fain to take the whole en- he would not part with another hair to save terprise upon herself, and next day went to them all from damnation. the garrison accordingly, where, having ob- Mr Hatchway exhorted him to patience tained entrance by means of the lieutenant, and resignation; Mrs Grizzle repeated her who, while his comrade was asleep, ordered entreaties with great humility; but finding her to be admitted for the joke's sake, she him deaf to all her prayers, and absolutely waited patiently till he turned out, and then bent upon leaving the house, she clasped accosted him in the yard, where he used to his knees, and begged, for the love of God, perform his morning walk. He was thunder- that he would have compassion upon a disstruck at the appearance of a woman in a tressed family, and endure a little more for place which he had hitherto kept sacred from the sake of the poor infant, who would the whole sex, and immediately began to ut- otherwise be born with a grey beard upon ter an apostrophe to Tom Pipes, whose turn its chin. Far from being melted, he was it was then to watch; when Mrs Grizzle, rather exasperated by this reflection; to falling on her knees before him, conjured which he replied with great indignation, him, with many pathetic supplications, to ") D-n you for a yaw-sighted bitch! he'll hear and grant her request; which was no be hanged long enough before he has any sooner signified, than he bellowed in such an beard at all;" so saying, he disengaged himoutrageous manner that the whole court re- self from her embraces, flung out at the door, echoed the opprobrious term bitch, and the and halted homewards with such surprising word damnation, which he repeated with speed, that the lieutenant could not oversurprising volubility, without any sort of pro- take him until he had arrived at his own priety or connexion; and retreated into his gate; and Mrs Grizzle was so much affectpenetralia, leaving the baffled devotee in the ed with his escape, that her sister, in pure humble posture she had so unsuccessfully compassion, desired she would not afflict chosen to melt his obdurate heart. herself, protesting that her own wish was Mortifying as this repulse must have been already gratified, for she had plucked three to a lady of her stately disposition, she did hairs at once, having from the beginning not relinquish her aim, but endeavoured to been dubious of the commodore's patience. interest the commodore's counsellors and ad- But the labours of this assiduous kinswoman herents in her cause. With this view she did not end with the achievement of this adsolicited the interest of Mr Hatchway, who, venture; her eloquence or industry was embeing highly pleased with a circumstance so ployed without ceasing, in the performance productive of mirth and diversion, readily of other tasks imposed by the ingenious craft entered into her measures, and promised to of her sister-in-law, who, at another time, employ his whole influence for her satisfac- conceived an insuppressible affection for a frition: and as for the boatswain's mate, he cassee of frogs, which should be the genuine was rendered propitious by the present of a natives of France; so that there was the neguinea,.w:hich she slipped into his hand. In cessity of despatching a messenger on purshort, Mrs Grizzle was continually engaged pose to that kingdom; but, as she could not in this negotiation for the space of ten days, depend upon the integrity of any common during which the commodore was so incess- servant, Mrs Grizzle undertook that proantly pestered with her remonstrances, and vince, and actually set sail in a cutter for the admonitions of his associates, that he Boulogne, from whence she returned in swore his people had a design upon his life, eight-and-forty hours with a tub-full of those which becoming a burden to him, he at last live animals, which, being dressed according complied, and was conducted to the scene to art, her sister would not taste them, on like a victim to the altar, or rather like a pretence that her fit of longing was past; reluctant bear, when he is led to the stake but then her inclinations took a different amidst the shouts and cries of butchers anld turn, and fixed themselves upon a curious their dogs. After all, this victory was not implement belonging to a lady of quality in quite so decisive as the conquerors imagin- the neighbourhood, which was reported to ed; for the patient being set, and the per- be a very great curiosity; this was no other former prepared with a pair of pincers, a small than a porcelain chamber-pot of admirable difficulty occurred: she could not for some workmanship, contrived by the honourable time discern one blackhair on the whole su- owner, who kept it for her own private use, ADVIENITUREiS OF PEREGRINE PICKLE. 41 and cherished it as an utensil of' inestimable opposed it with all her eloquence, shedding value. abundance of tears over the sacrifice when Mrs Grizzle shuddered at the first hint she it was made, but took horse immediately, received of her sister's desire to possess this and departed for the habitation of an eminent piece of furniture, because she knew it was country physician, whom she consulted in not to be purchased; and the lady's charac- these words: "Pray, doctor, is it not both ter, which was none of the most amiable in dangerous and cruel to be the means of lettpoint of humanity and condescension, for- ing a poor tender infant perish, by sousing it bade all hopes of borrowing it for a season; in water as cold as ice?" " Yes," replied she therefore attempted to reason down this the doctor, " downright murder, I affirm." capricious appetite, as an extravagance of "I see you are a person of great learning imagination which ought to be comnbated and and sagacity," said the other; and I must repressed; and Mrs Pickle, to all appear- beg you will be so good as to signify your ance, was convinced and satisfied by her ar- opinion in your own handwriting." The guments and advice; but, nevertheless, could doctor immediately complied with her remake use of no other convenience, and was quest, and expressed himself upon a slip of threatened with a very dangerous suppress- paper to this purpose: ion. Roused at the peril in which she sup- " These are to certify whom it may conposed her to be, Mrs Grizzle flew to the cern, that I firmly believe, and it is my unlady's house, and, having obtained a private alterable opinion, that whomsoever lettet/,h audience, disclosed the melancholy situation an infant perish, by sousing it in cold w a. of her sister, and implored the benevolence ter, even though the said water should not of her ladyship; who, contrary to expecta- be so cold as ice, is in effect guilty oqf the tion, received her very graciously, and con- murder of the said infant-as witn ess my sented to indulge Mrs Pickle's longing. Mr hand, " COMFIT COLYCY~NTH." Pickle began to be out of humour at the ex- Having obtained this certificate,'for which pense to which he was exposed by the ca- the physician was immediately ac-knowledgprice of his wife, who was herself alarmed ed, she returned, exulting, and hoping, with at this last incident, and, for the future, kept such authority, to overthrow all opposition. her fancy within bounds; insomuch, that, Accordingly, next morning, w1hen her newithout being subject to any more extraordi- phew was about to undergo his' diurnal bapnary trouble, Mrs Grizzle reaped the long- tism, she produced the commission, whereby wished-for fruits of her dearest expectation she conceived herself empowered to overin the birth of a fine boy, whom her sister rule such inhuman proceedings. But she was in a few months brought into the world. disappointed in her expectation, confident I shall omit the description of the re- as it was; not that Mrs Pickle pretended joicings, which were infinite, on this im- to differ in opinion from Dr Colycynth, portant occasion, and only observe, that Mrs " for whose character and sentiments," said Pickle's mother and aunt stood godmothers, she, " I have such veneration, that I shall and the commodore assisted at the ceremony carefully observe the caution implied in this as godfather to the child, who was christen- very certificate, by which, far from coliemn. ed by the name of Peregrine, in compliment ing my method of practice, he only asserts to the memory of a deceased uncle. While that killing is murder; an asseveration, the the mother was confined to her bed, and in- truth of which, it is to be hoped, I shall never capable of maintaining her own authority, dispute." Mrs Grizzle took charge of the infant by a Mrs Grizzle, who, sooth to say, had ra. double claim; and superintended with sur- ther too superficially considered the clause prising vigilance the nurse and midwife by which she thought herself authorised, pein all the particulars of their respective rusedthe paper with more accuracy, and was offices, which were performed by her ex- confounded at her own want of penetration. press direction. But no sooner was Mrs Yet, though she was confuted, she was by Pickle in a condition to reassume the ma- no means convinced that her objections to nagementofherown affairs, than she thought the cold bath were unreasonable; on the proper to alter certain regulations concern- contrary, after having bestowed sundry oping the child, which had obtained in conse- probrious epithets on the physician, for his quence of her sister's orders; directing, want of knowledge and candour, she proamong other innovations, that the bandages tested, in the most earnest and solemn man.. with which the infant had been so neatly ner, against the pernicious practice of dip'). rolled up, like an Egyptian mummy, should ing the child: a piece of cruelty which, with be loosened and laid aside, in order to rid God's assistance, she should never suffer to nature of all restraint, and give the blood be inflicted on her own issue: and washing free scope to circulate; and with EHr own her hands of the melancholy consequence hands she plunged him headlong every morn- that would certainly ensue, shut herself up ing into a tub-full of cold water. This opera- in her closet, to indulge her sorrow and vex. tion seemed so barbarous to the tender- ation. She was deceived, however, in her hearted Mrs Grizzle, that she not only prognostic: the boy, instead of declining in F 42 SMOLLETT'S SELECT WORKS. point of health, seemed to acquire fresh vi- doubt but that such an old crazy vessel would gour from every plunge, as if he had been be the better for being taken in tow. " But resolved to discredit the wisdom and fore- howsomever," added this arch adviser, "I'd sight of his aunt, who, in all probability, have you take care of your upper works; for could never forgive him for this want of re- if once you are made fast to her poop, egad! verence and respect. This conjecture is she'll spank it away, and make every beam founded upon her behaviour to him in the in your body crack with straining." Our sequel of his infancy, during which she was she-projector's whole plan had like to have known to torture him more than once, when been ruined by the effect which this malicious she had opportunities of thrusting pins into hint had upon Trunnion, whose rage and his flesh without any danger of being de- suspicion being awakened at once, his colour tected. In a word, her affections were in a changed froin tawney to a cadaverous pale, little time altogether alienated fiorn this and then shifting to a deep and dusky red, hope of her family, whom she abandoned such as we sometimes observe in the sky to the conduct of his mother, whose pro- when it is replete with thunder, he, after his - ince it undoubtedly was to manage the nur- usual preamble of unmeaning oaths, answer-.re of her own child; while she herself re- ed in these words: "Damn ye, you jury-..,_'aed her operations upon the commodore, legged dog, you would give all the stowage oi,;oim she was resolved at any rate to capti- in your hold to be as sound as I am; and as..;....t: and enslave. And it must be owned, for being taken in tow, d'ye see, I'm not so i~., vi.rs Grizzle's knowledge of the human disabled but that I can lie my course, and a'.-t never shone so conspicuous, as in the perform my voyage, without any assistance;.:'' ~'~'jh:\s &:he pursued for the accomplishment and, egad! no man shall ever see Hawser &:k;5:,:l'ortant aim. Trunnion lagging astern in the wake of e'er i'I:,- r:the rough unpolished husk that a b- in Christendom." case<:.',;~ soul of Trunnion, she could easily Mrs Grizzle, who every morning interrogatdisting:tm'. large share of that vanity and ed her brother with regard to the subject of his self-conoc-;3 that generally predominate even over-night's conversation with his fi'ends, in the _e..v P>:yae, breast; and to this she soon received the unwelcome news ofi the constantlv: l..;.e.. In his presence, she commodore's aversion to matrimony; and always:.'' d against the craft and dis- justly imputing the greatest part of his disgust honest';.i:-;.:.::;.tion of the world, and never to the satirical insinuations of Mr Hatchway, failed c'":' —.. particular invectives against resolved to level this obstruction to her sucthose" t'-! icanery in which the lawyers cess, and actually found means to interest are i,".. ix..:_ant, to the prejudice and ruin him in her schenme. She had, indeed, on oft,-;i!t,'';X: creatures; observing, that, in some occasions, a particular knack at maka. s:-. fi;..fe, so far as she had opportuni- ing converts, being probably not unacquainttiecs,:'j!iig or being informed, there was ed with that grand system of persuasion nv''~:obt iriendship, sincerity, and. a hearty which is adopted by the greatest personages c..-.:.::-:}.:}"ti. b'or every thing that was mean or of the age, as fraught with ma.irnm s much more effectual than all the eloquence of Tul-:-!is I.ind of conversation, with the assist- ly or Demosthenes, even when supported by.-:c::-> 1 certain particular civilities, insensi- the demonstrations of truth: besides, Mr;-ivr.-1.:,e an impression on the mind of the Hatchway's fidelity to his new ally was con-. t-:;.;f. dore, and that the more effectually, as firmed by his foreseeing in his captain's mar—:- cirmer prepossessions were built upon riage an infinite fund of gratification for his slender foundations: his antipathy to own cynical disposition. Thus, therefore, "-( nimaids, which he had conceived upon hear- converted and properly cautioned, he for the s.,; — began gradually to diminish, when he future suppressed all the virulence of hlis wit:o-md they were not quite'such infernal. ani- against the matrimonial state; and, as he mals as they had been represented; and it knew not how to open his mouth in the poswas not long before he was heard tk observe, itive praise of any person whatever, took all at the club, that Pickle's sister had not so opportunities of excepting Mrs Grizzle by much of the core of bitch in her as he had name from the censures he liberally bestowimagined. This negative compliment, by ed upon the rest of her sex. " She is not a the medium of her brother, soon reached the drunkard, like Nan Casti8ck of Deptford (he ears of Mrs Grizzle, who, thus encouraged, would say); not a nincompoop, like Peg Simredoubled all her arts and attention; so that, per of Woolwich; not a brimstone, like Kate in less than three months after, he in the Coddie of Chatham; nor a shrew, like Nell same place distinguished her with the epi- Griffin on the Point at Portsmouth (ladies to thet of a damned sensible jade. whom, at different times, they had both paid Hatchway taking the alarm at this declar- their addresses); but a tight, good-humnoured, ation, which he feared foreboded somethjng sensible wench, who knows very well how to fatal to his interest, told his commander, box her compass; well trimmed aloft, and with a sneer, that she had sense enough to well sheathed alow, with a good cargo tinder Dring him to under her stern':' and he di'd not her hatches." The commodore at first ima ADVENTURES OF PEREGRINE PICKLE. 43 gined this commendation was ironical, but that he could no longer resist her importunihearing it repeated again and again, was filled ties; and a scrivener arriving, she dictated with astonishment at this surprising change and executed her will, in which she bequeathin the lieutenant's behaviour; and after a long ed to Commodore Trunnion one thousand fit of musing, concluded that Hatchway him- pounds to purchase a mourning ring, which self harboured a matrimonial design on the she hoped he would wear as a pledge of her person of Mrs Grizzle. friendship and affection. Her brother, though Pleased with this conjecture, he rallied he did not much relish this testimony of her Jack in his turn, and one night toasted her love, nevertheless that same evening gave-an health as a compliment to his passion; a cir- account of this particular to Mr Hatchway, cumstance which the lady learned next day who was also, as Mr Pickle assured him, by the usual canal of her intelligence, and generously remembered by the testatrix. interpreting as the result of his own tender- The lieutenant, fraught with this piece of ness for her, she congratulated herself upon intelligence, watched for an opportunity; and the victory she had obtained; and thinking as soon as he perceived the commodore's it unnecessary to continue the reserve she features a little unbended from that ferocious had hitherto industriously affected, resolved contraction they had retained so long, venfrom that day to sweeten her behaviour to- tured to inform him that Pickle's sister lay wards him with such a dish of affection as at the point of death, and that she had left could not fail to persuade him that he had in- him a thousand pounds in her will. This spired her with a reciprocal flame. In con- piece of news overwhelmed him with confusequence of this determination, he was in- sion; and Mr Hatchway, imputing his silence vited to dinner, and, while he stayed, treat- to remorse, resolved to take advantage of ed with such cloying proofs of her regard, that favourable moment, and counselled him that not only the rest of the company, but to go and visit the poor young woman, who even Trunnion himself, perceived her drift; was dying for love of him. But his admoniand taking the alarm accordingly, could not tion happened to be somewhat unseasonable; help exclaiming,-" Oho, I see how the land for Trunnion no sooner heard him mention lies, and if I don't weather the point I'll be the cause of her disorder, than his morosity damned." Having thus expressed himself to recurring, he burst out into a vioilent fit of his afflicted inamorata, he made the best of his cursing, and forthwith betook himself again way to the garrison, in which he shut himself to his hammock, where he lay uttering, in a up for the space of ten days, and had no low growling tone of voice, a repetition of communication with his friends and domes- oaths and imprecations, for the space of fourtics but by looks, which were most signifi- and-twenty hours without ceasing. This cantly picturesque. was a delicious meal to the lieutenant, who, eager to enhance the pleasure of the entertainment, and at the same time conduce to CHAPTER V1I. the success of the cause he had espoused, invented a stratagem, the execution of which Divers stratagems are invented and put in had all the effect he could desire. He prepractice, in order to overcome the obsti- vailed upon Pipes, who was devoted to his nacy of Trunnion, who at length is teas- service, to get upon the top of the chimney ed and tortured into the noose of wedlock. belonging to the commodore's chamber, at midnight, and to lower down by a rope a TIIns abrupt departure and unkind declara- bunch of stinking whitings; which being pertion affected Mrs Grizzle so much, that she formed, he put a speaking trumpet to his fell sick of sorrow and mortification; and, mouth, and hollowed down the vent, in a after having confined herself to her bed for voice like thunder,' Trunnion! Trunnion! three days, sent for her brother, told him she turn out and be spliced, or lie still and be perceived her end drawing near, and desired damned.' This dreadful note, the terror of that a lawyer might be brought, in order to which was increased by the silence and darkwrite her last will. Mr Pickle, surprised at ness of the night, as well as the echo of the her demand, began to act the part of a com- passage through which it was conveyed, no forter, assuring her that her distemper was sooner reached the ears of the astonished not at all dangerous; and that he would in- commodore, than turning his eye towards the stantly send for a physician, who would con- place from whence this solemn address seemvince her that she was in no manner of jeop- ed to proceed, he beheld a glittering object: ardy; so that there was no occasion at pres- that vanished in an instant. Just as his suent to employ an officious attorney in such a perstitious fear had improved tile apparition melancholy task. Indeed, this affectionate into some supernatural messenger clothed in brother was of opinion, that a will was alto- shining array, his opinion was confirmed by gether superfluous at any rate, as he himself a sudden explosion, which he took for thuhwas heir-at-law to his sister's whole real and der, though it was no other than the noise personal estate. But she.insisted upon his of a pistol fired down the chimney by the; compliance with such determined obstinacy, boatswain's mate, dccordi'g to the instruc~ 4* 44 - SMOLLETT'S SELECT WORKS. tions he had received; and he had time which he blessed her ears. Sick as she was, enough to descend before he was in any dan- she could not help laughing heartily at the ger of being detected by his commander, who contrivance, in consequence of which her could not for a whole hour recollect himself, swain's assent had been obtained, and gave from the amazement and consternation which the lieutenant ten guineas for Tom Pipes, in had overpowered his faculties. consideration of the part he had acted in the At length, however, lie got up and rung his farce. bell with great agitation. He repeated the In the afternoon the commodore suffered summons more than once; but no regard be- himself to be conveyed to her apartment, like ing paid to this alarm, his dread returned a felon to execution, and was received by her with double terror; a cold sweat bedewed his in a languishing manner, and genteel dishalimbs, his knees knocked together, his hair bille, accompanied by her sister-in-law, who bristled up, and the remains of his teeth were was, for very obvious reasons, extremely soshattered to pieces in the convulsive vibra- licitous about her success. Though the tions of his jaws. lieutenant had tutored him, touching his be-.In the midst of this agony, he made one haviour at this interview, henmade a thousand desperate effort, and, bursting open the door wry faces before he could pronounce the. simof his apartment, bolted into Hatchway's ple salutation of how d'ye? to his mistress; chamber, which happened to be on the same and, after his counsellor had urged him with floor. There he found the lieutenant in a twenty or thirty whispers, to each of which counterfeit swoon, who pretended to wake he had replied, "Damn your eyes, I won't," from his trance in an ejaculation of " Lord he got up, and halting towards the couch on havemercyuponus!" Andbeingquestioned which Mrs Grizzle reclined in a state of by the terrified commodore with regard to strange expectation, he seized her hand, and what had happened, assured him he had heard pressed it to his lips; but this piece of galthe same voice and clap of thunder by which lantry he performed in such a reluctant, unTrunnion himself had been discomposed. couth, indignant manner, that the nymph had Pipes, whose turn it was to watch, con- need of all her resolution to endure the comcurred in giving evidence to the same pur- plirnent without shrinking; and he himself pose; and the commodore not only owned was so disconcerted at what he had done, that he had heard the voice, but likewise that he instantly retired to the other end of communicated his vision, with all the aggra- the room, where he sat silent, broiling with vation which his disturbed fancy suggested. shame and vexation. Mrs Pickle, like a A consultation immediately ensued, in sensible matron, quitted the place, on prewhich Mr Hatchway very gravely observed, tence of going to the nursery; and Mr Hatchthat the finger of God was plainly perceiva- way, talking the hint, recollected that he had ble in those signals; and that it would be left his tobacco pouch in the parlour, whither both sinful and foolish to disregard his corn- lie immediately descended, leaving the two mands, especially as the match proposed was, lovers to their mutual endearments. Never in all respects, more advantageous than any had the commodore found himself in such a that one at his years and infirmities could disagreeable dilemma before. He sat in an reasonably expect; declaring, that, for his agony of suspense, as if he every moment own part, he would not endanger his soul dreaded the dissolution of nature; and the and body by living one day longer under the imploring sighs of his future bride added if same roof with a man who despised the holy possible, to the pangs of his distress. Imwill of heaven; and Tom Pipes adhered to patient of his situation, he rolled his eye the same pious resolution. around in quest of some relief, and, unable to Trunnion's perseverance could not resist contain himself, exclaimed, " Damnation the number and diversity of considerations. seize the fellow and his pouch too! I believe that assaulted it; he revolved in silence all he has sheered off, and left me here in the the opposite motives that occurred to his re- stays." Mrs Grizzle, who could not help flection; and after having been, to all ap- taking some notice of this manifestation of pearance, bewildered in the labyrinth of his chagrin, lamented her unhappy fate in being own thoughts, he wiped the sweat from his so disagreeable to him, that he could not put forehead, and, heaving a piteous groan, yield. up with her company for a few moments ed to their remonstrances in these words: without repining; and began, in very tender " Well, since it must be so, I think we must terms, t6 reproach him with his inhumanity e'en grapple: but, damn my eyes!'tis a and indifference. To this expostulation he damn'd hard case that a fellow of my years replied,-" Zounds! what would the woman should be compelled, d'ye see, to beat up to have3 let the parson do his office when he windward all the rest of his life, against the wool: here I am ready to be reeved in the current of his own inclination. matrimonial block, d'ye see, and damn all This important article being discussed, Mr nonsensical palaver." So saying, he retreatHatchway set out in the morning to visit the ed, leaving his mistress not at all disobliged despairing shepherdess, and was handsomely at his plain dealing. That same evening the rewarded for the enliv4ing tidings with treaty of marriage was brought upon the car ADVENTURES OF PEREGRINE PICKLE. 45 pet, and, by means of Mr Pickle and the expected him in the church, where they had lieutenant, settled to the satisfaction of all tarried a considerable time, and were beginparties, without the intervention of lawyers, ning to be very uneasy at his delay; and whom Mr Trunnion expressly excluded firom therefore desired he would proceed with more all share in the business; making that con- expedition. To this message Mr Trunnion dition the indispensable preliminary of the replied,-" Hark ye, brother, don't you see whole agreement. Things being brought to we make all possible speed. go back, and tell this bearing, Mrs Grizzle's heart dilated with those who sent you, that the wind has shiftjoy: her health, which, by the bye, was nev- ed since we weighed anchor, and that we are er dangerously impaired, she recovered as if obliged to make very short trips in tacking, by enchantment; and a day being fixed for by reason of the narrowness of the channel; the nuptials, employed the short period of and that as we lie within six points of thae her celibacy in chusing ornaments for the wind, they must make some allowance for vacelebration of her entrance into the married riation and leeway." " Lord, Sir!" said the state. valet, " what occasion have you to go zig-zag in that manner? do but clap spurs to your horses, and ride straight forward, and I'll enCIHAPTER VIII. gage you shall be at the church-porch in less than a quarter of an hour." "What! right Preparations are made for the commodore's in the wind's eye?" answered the commandwedding, which is delayed by an accident er: " ahey! brother, where did you learn your that hurried him the Lord knows whither. navigation 3 Hawser Trunnion is not to be taught at this time of day how to lie his THE fame of this extraordinary conjunction course, or keep his own reckoning. And as spread all over the county; and on the day for you, brother, you best know the trim of appointed for their spousals, the church was your own frigate." The courier finding he surrounded by an inconceivable multitude. had to do with people who would not be eaThe commodore, to give a specimen of his sily persuaded out of their own opinions, regallantry, by the advice of his friend Hatch- turned to the temple, and made report of way, resolved to appear on horseback on the what he had seen and heard, to the no small grand occasion, at the head of all his male consolation of the bride, who had begun to attendants, whom he had rigged with the discover some signs of disquiet. Composed, white shirts and black caps formerly belong- however, by this piece of intelligence, she ing to his barge's crew; and he bought a exerted her patience for the space of another couple of hunters for the accommodation of half hour, during which period, seeing no himself and his lieutenant. With this equi- bridegroom arrive, she was exceedingly alarmpage, then, he set out from the garrison for ed; so that all the spectators could easily the church after having dispatched a mes- perceive her perturbation, which manifested senger to apprise the bride that he and his itself in frequent palpitations, heart-heavings, company were mounted. She got immedi- and alterations of countenance, in spite of ately into the coach, accompanied by her the assistance of a smelling-bottle'; hich she brother and his wife, and drove directly to incessantly applied to her nostrils. the place of assignation, where several pews Various were the conjectures of the comwere demolished, and divers persons almost pany on this occasion; some imagined he had pressed to death, by the eagerness of the mistaken the place of rendezvous, as ho had crowd that broke -in to see the ceremony never been at church since he first setted in performed. Thus arrived at the altar, and that parish: others believed he had met vith the priest in attendance, they waited a whole some accident, in consequence of which his half hour for the commodore, at whose slow- attendants had carried him back to his own ness they began to be under some apprehen- house; and a third set, in which the bride sion, and accordingly dismissed a servant to herself was thought to be comprehended, quicken his pace. The valet having rode could not help suspecting that the commosomething more than a mile, espied the whole dore had chanced his mind. But all these troop disposed in a long field, c ossing the suppositions, ingenious as they were, haproad obliquely, and headed by the bridegroom pened to be wide of the true cause that deand his friend Hatchway, who, finding him- tained him, which was no other than this. — self hindered by a hedge from proceeding far- The commodore and his crew had by dint of ther in the same direction, fired a pistol, and turning, almost weathered the parson's house stood over to the other side, making an ob- that stood to windward of the church, when tuse angle with the line of his former course; the notes of a pack of hounds unluckilyreachand the rest of the squadron followed his ex- ed the ears of the two hunters which Trunample, keeping always in the rear of each nion and the lieutenant bestrode. These other like a flight of wild geese. fleet animals no sooner heard the enlivening Surprised at this strange method of jour- sound, than, eager for the chase, they sprung neying, the messenger'came up, and told the away all of a sudden, and straining every commodore that his lady and her company nerve to partake of the sport, flew across the 46 SMOLLETT'S SELECT WORKS. fields with incredible speed, overleaped hedges like that of a back sword; and on each side and ditches, and every thing in their way, of his pummel appeared a rusty pistol, ramwithout the least regard to their unfortunate med in a case covered with a bearskin. The riders. The lieutenant, whose steed had loss of his tie periwig and laced hat, which got the heels of the other, finding it would were curiosities of the kind, did not at all be great folly and presumption in him to pre- contribute to the improvement of the picture, tend to keep the saddle with his wooden leg, but, on the contrary, by exhibiting his bald very wisely took the opportunity of throwingo pate, and the natural extension of his lanhimself off in his passage through a field of thorn jaws, added to the peculiarity and exrich clover, among which he lay at his ease; travagance of the whole. Such a spectacle and seeing his captain advancing at full gal- could not have failed of diverting the whole lop, hailed him with the salutation of " What company from the chase, had his horse thought cheer? ho!"' The commodore, who was in proper to pursue a different route, but the infinite distress, eyeing him askance as he beast was too keen a sporter to choose any passed, replied with a faltering voice,-" O other way than that which the stag followed; damn you! you are safe at an anchor: I wish and therefore, without stopping to gratify to God I were as fast moored." Neverthe- the curiosity of the spectators, he, in a few less, conscious of his disabled heel, he would minutes, outstripped every hunterin the field. not venture to try the experiment which had There being a deep hollow way betwixt him succeeded so well with Hatchway, but re- and the hounds, rather than ride round about solved to stick as close as possible to his the length of a furlong to a path that crossed horse's back, until Providence should inter- the lane, he transported himself at one jump, pose in his behalf. WVith this view he drop- to the unspeakable astonishment and terror ped his whip, and with his right hand laid of a wagoner who chanced to be underneath, fast hold on the pummel, contracting every and saw this phenomenon fly over his carmuscle in his body to secure himself in the riage. This was not the only adventure he seat, and grinning most formidably, in con- achieved. The staor having taken a deep sequence of this exertion. In this attitude river that lay in his way, every man directed he was hurried on a considerable way, when his course to a bridge in the neighbourhood; all of a sudden his view was comforted by a but our bridegroom's courser, despising all five-bar gate that appeared before him, as he such conveniences, plunged into the stream never doubted that there the career of his without hesitation, and swam in a twinkling hunter must necessarily end. But, alas! he to the opposite shore. This sudden immerreckoned without his host.: far from halting sion into an element, of which Trunnion was at this obstruction, the horse sprung over it properly a native, in all probability helped to with amazing agility, to the utter confusion recruit the exhausted spirits of his rider, who, and disorder of his owner, who lost his hat at his landing on the other side, gave some and periwig in the leap, and now began to tokens of sensation, by hollowing aloud for think in good earnest that he was actually assistance, which he could not possibly remounted on the back of the devil. He re- ceive, because his horse still maintained the commended himself to God, his reflection advantage he had gained, and would not alforsook him, his eyesight and all his other low himself to be overtaken. senses failed, he quitted the reins, and, fast- In short, after a long chase, that lasted ening by instinct on the mane, was in this several hours, and extended to a dozen miles condition conveyed into the midst of the at least, he was the first in at the death of sportsmen, who were astonished at the sight the deer, being seconded by the lieutenant's of such an apparition. Neither was their gelding, which, actuated by the same spirit, surprise to be wondered at, if we reflect on had, without a rider, followed his companthe figure that presented itself to their view. ion's example. The commodore's person was at all times an Our bridegroom, finding himself at last object of admiration; much more so on this brought up, or, in other words, at the end of occasion, when every singularity was aggra- his career, took the opportunity of the first vated by the circumstances of his dress and pause to desire the huntsmen would lend disaster. him a hand in dismounting; and was by their He had put on, in honour of his nuptials, condescension safely placed on the grass, his best coat of blue broad cloth, cut by a tai- where he sat staring at the company as they lor of Ramsgate, and trimmed with five dozen came in. with such wildness of astonishment of brass buttons, large and small; his breeches in his looks, as if he had been a creature of were of the same piece, fastened at the knees another species, dropt among them from the with large bunches of tape; his waistcoat was clouds. of red plush, lapelled with green velvet, and Before they had fleshed the hounds, howgarnished with vellum holes;. his boots bore ever, he recollected himself, and seeing one an infinite resemblance, both in colour and of the sportsmen take a small flask out of his shape, to a pair of leather buckets; his shoul- pocket and apply it to his month, judged the dor was graced with a broad buff belt, from cordial to be no other than neat coniac, which whence depended a huge hanger, with a hilt it really was; and expressing a desire of par. ADVENTURES OF PEREGRINE PICKLE. 47 ticipation, was immediately accommodated what a flat counter; do but observe how with a modern dose, which perfectly cornm- sharp this here one is in the withers; then pleted his recovery. hlie's fired in the further fetlock." In short, By this time he and his two horses had en- this connoisseur in horse flesh, having disgrossed the attention of the whole crowd: covered in them all the defects which can while some admired the elegant proportion possibly be found in that species of animals, and uncommon spirit of the two animals, the offered to give him ten guineas for the two, rest contemplated the surprising appearance saying he would convert them into beasts of of their master, whom before they had only burden. The owner, who (after what had seen en passant; and at length one of the happened) was very well disposed to listen gentlemen accosting him very courteously, to any thing that was said to their prejudice, signified his wonder at seeing him in such an implicitly believed the truth of the stranger's equipage, and asked him if he had not drop- asseverations, discharged a furious volley of ped his companion by the way 1 "Why, look oaths against the rascal who had taken him ye, brother," replied the commodore, " may- in, and forthwith struck a bargain with the hap you think me an odd sort of a fellow, squire, who paid him instantly for his purseeing me in this trim, especially as I have chase; in consequence of which he won the lost part of my rigging; but this here is the plate at the next Canterbury races. case, d'ye see: I weighed anchor from my This affair being transacted to the mutual own house this morning at ten A.M. with satisfaction of both parties, as well as to the fair weather and a favourable breeze at south- general entertainment of the company, who south east, being bound to the next church laughed in their sleeves at the dexterity of on avoyage of matrimony; but howsomever, their friend, Trunnion was set upon'the we had not run down a quarter of a league, squire's own horse, and led by his servant in when the wind shifting, blowed directly in the midst of this cavalcade, which proceeded our teeth; so that we were forced to tack all to a neighbouring village, where they ha-d the way d'ye see, and had almost beat up bespoke dinner, and where our bridegroom within sight of the port, when these sons of found means to provide himself with another bitches of horses, which I had bought but hat and wig. With regard to his marriage, two days before (for my own part, I believe he bore his disappointment with the temper they are devils incarnate), luffed round in a of a philosopher; and the exercise he had trice, and then refusing the helm, drove away undergone having quickened his appetite, sat like lightning with me and my lieutenant, down at table in the midst of his new ac. who soon came to anchor in an exceeding quaintance, making a very hearty meal, and good birth. As for my own part, I have been moistening every morsel with a draught of carried over rocks, and flats', and quicksands, the ale, which he found very much to his satamong which I have pitched away a special isfaction. good tie-periwig, and an iron-bound hat; and at last, thank God, am got into smooth water and safe riding; but if ever I venture my CHAPTER IX. carcass upon such a hare'um scare'um blood of a bitch again, my name is not I'Iawser He is found by the ijeutenant-reconducted Trunnion, damn my eyes!" to his own house-married to Mrs' GrizOne of the company, struck with this zle-who meets with a small misfortune name, which he had often heard, immediate- in the night, and asserts her prerogative ly laid hold on his declaration at the close of next morning-in consequence of which this singular account; and observing that his her husband's eye is endangered. horses were very vicious, asked how he intended to return? "As for that matter" re- MEANWHILE Lieutenant Hatchway made plied Mr Trunnion, "I am resolved to hire a shift to hobble to the church, where he insledge or wagon, or such thing as a jack-ass; formed the company of what had happened for I'll be damned if ever I cross the back of to' the commodore; and the bride behaved a horse again." "And what do you propose with great dexterity on the occasion; for, as to do with these creatures?" (said the other, soon as she understood the danger to which pointing to the hunters), " they seem to have her future husband was exposed, she fainted some mettle; but then they are mere colts, in the arms of her sister-in-law, to the surand will take the devil and all of breaking. prise of all the spectators, who could not Methinks this hinder one is shoulder-slip- comprehend the cause of her disorder; and ped." " Damn them," cried the commodore, when she was recovered by the application "I wish both their necks were broke, thof of smelling-bottles, earnestly begged thatMr the two cost me forty good yellow-boys." Hatchway and Tom Pipes would take her "Forty guineas!" (exclaimed the stranger, brother's coach, and go in quest of their comwho was a squire and a jockey, as well'as mander. owner of the pack), "Lord! Lord! how a This task they readily undertook, being man may be imposed upon! Why, these cat- escorted by all the rest of his adherents on tle are clumsy enough to go to plough: mind horseback; while the bride and her friends 48 SMOLLETT'S SELECT WORKS. were invited to the parson's house, and the of salt pork in the midst of a pease pudding, ceremony deferred till another occasion. a leg of mutton roasted with potatoes, and The lieutenant, steering his course as near another boiled with yams. The third serthe line of direction in which Trunnion went vice was made up with a loin of fresh pork off as the coach road would permit, got in- with apple sauce, a kid smothered with telligence of his track from one farm-house onions, and a terrapin baked in the shell; and to. another; for such an apparition could not last of all, a prodigious seapye was prefail of attracting particular notice: and one sented, with an infinite volume of pancakes of the horsemen having picked up his hat and and fritters. That every thing might be anwig in a bye-path, the whole troop entered swerable to the magnificence of this delicate the village where he was lodged, about four feast, he had provided vast quantities of o'clock in the afternoon. When they under- strong beer, flip, rumbo, and burnt brandy stood he was safely housed at the George, with plenty of Barbadoes water, for the lathey rode up to the door in a body, and ex- dies, and hired all the fiddles within six miles, pressed their satisfaction in three cheers, who, with the addition of a drum, bagpipe, which.were returned by the company within, and Welch harp, regaled the guests with a as soon as they were instructed in the nature most melodious concert. of the salute by Trunnion, who by this time The company, who were not at all excephad entered into all the jollity of his new tious, seemed extremely well pleased with friends, and was indeed more than half seas every particular of the entertainment; and the over. The lieutenant was introduced to all evening being spent in the most social manpresent as his sworn brother, and had somle- ner, the bride was by her, sister conducted thing tossed up for his dinner. Tom Pipes to her apartment, where, however, a trifling and the crew were regaled in another room; circumstance had like to have destroyed the and. a fresh pair of horses being put to the harmony which had been hitherto maintained. coach, about six in the evening the commo- I have already observed, that there was dore, with all his attendants, departed for the not one standing bed within the walls; theregarrison, after having shook hands with every fore the reader will not wonder tliat Mrs individual in the house. Trunnion was out of humour, when she Without any farther accident, he was con- found herself under the necessity of being veyed in safety to his own gate, before nine, confined with her spouse in a hammock, and committed to the care of Pipes, who which, though enlarged with a double porcarried him instantly to his hammock, while tion of canvass, and dilated with a yoke for thelieutenant was driven away to the place the occasion, was at best but a disagreeable, where the bride and her friends remained in not to say dangerous situation. She accordgreat anxiety, which vanished when he as- ingly complained with some warmth of this sured them that his commodore was safe, be- inconvenience, which she imputed to disreing succeeded by abundance of mirth and spect, and at first absolutely refused to put pleasantry, at the account he gave of Trun- up with the expedient; but Mrs Pickle soon nion's adventure. brought her to reason and compliance, by Another day was fixed for the nuptials; observing that one night would soon be and in order to baulk the curiosity of idle elapsed, and next day she might regulate her people, which had given great offence, the own economy. parson was prevailed upon to perform the Thus persuaded, she ventured into the veceremony. in the garrison, which all that day hicle, and was visited by her husband in less was adorned with flags and pendants display- than an hour, the company being departed to ed, and at night illuminated by the direction their own homes, and the garrison left to the of Hatchway, who also ordered the patere- command of h.s lieutenant and mate. But roes to be fired as soon. as the marriage knot it seems the hooks that supported this swingwas,tied. Neither were the other parts of ing couch were not calculated for the addithe entertainment-neglectedby this ingenious tion of weight which they were now destined contriver, who produced undeniable proofs to bear; and therefore gave way in the midof his elegance and art in the wedding sup- dle of the night, to the no small terror of per, which, had been committed to his man- Mrs Trunnion, who, perceiving herself fallagement and direction. This genial banquet ing, screamed aloud, and by that exclamawas entirely.composed of sea dishes: a huge tion brought Hatchway with a light into the pulaw, consisting of a large. piece of beef chamber. Though she had received no insliced, a couple of. fowls, and half a peck of jury by the fall, she was extremely discomrice, smoked in the middle of the board; a posed and incensed at the accident, which dish of hard fish swimming in oil appeared she even openly ascribed to'the obstinacy at each end, the sides being furnished with a and whimsical oddity of the commodore, in messof thatsavoury'composition known by such petulant terms as evidently declared the name of lobscouse, and' a plate of sal- that she thought her great aim accomplish-.nagundy. The second course displayed a ed, and her authority secured against all the goose of monstrous magnitude,. flanked with shocks of fortune. Indeed her bedfellow.wo Guinea hens, a pig barbecued, an hock seemed to be of the same opinion,' by his ADVENTURES OF PEREGRINE PICKLE. 49 tacit resignation; for he made no reply to Having thus reduced him to a state of subher insinuations, but, with a most vinegar jection, they resolved to secure him with aspect, crawled out of his nest, and betook cords, and were actually busy in adjusting himself to rest in another apartment, while his fetters, when he was exempted from the his irritated spouse dismissed the lieutenant, disgrace by the accidental entrance of his and from the wreck of the hammock made spouse, who rescued hlim from the hands of an occasional bed for herself on the floor, his adversaries, and, in the midst of her confully determined to provide better accommo- dolence, imputed his misfortune to the indation for the next night's lodging. considerate roughness of his own disposition. Havingnoinclinationtosleep, herthoughts, He breathed nothing but revenge, and during the remaining part of the night, were made some efforts to chastise the insolence engrossed by a scheme of reformation she of the workmen, who, as soon as they unwas resolved to execute in the family; and derstood his quality, asked forgiveness for no sooner did the first lark bid salutation to what they had done with great humility, the morn, than starting from her humble protesting that they did not know he was couch, and huddling on her clothes, she sal- master of the house. But, far from being lied from her chamber, explored her way satisfied with this apology, he groped about through paths before unknown, and in the for the bell (the inflammation of his eye havcourse of her researches, perceived a large ing utterly deprived him of sight), and the bell, to which she made such effectual appli- rope being, by the precaution of the delineation as alarmed every soul in the family. quents, conveyed out of his reach, began to In a moment she was surrounded by Hatch- storm with incredible vociferation, like a lion way, Pipes, and all the rest of the servants, roaring in the toil, pouring forth innumerahalf dressed; but seeing none of the feminine ble oaths and execrations, and calling by gender appear, she began to storm at the name Hatchway and Pipes, who being withsloth and laziness of the maids, who, she ob- in hearing, obeyed the extraordinary sumserved, ought to have been at work an hour mons, and were ordered to put the carpenat least before she called; and then, for the ters in irons, for having audaciously assaulted first time, understood that no woman was him in his own house. permitted to sleep within the walls. His myrmidons seeing he had been evil enShe did not fail to exclaim against this treated, were exasperated at the insult he had regulation; and being informed that the cook suffered, which they considered as an affront and chambermaid lodged in a small office- upon the dignity of the garrison: the more so, house, that stood without the gate, ordered as the mutineers seemed to put themselves in the draw-bridge to be let down, and in per- a posture of defence, and set their authority son beat up their quarters, commanding them at defiance: they therefore unsheathed their forthwith to set about scouring the rooms, cutlasses, which they commonly wore as which had notbeen hitherto kept in a very de- badges of their commission; and a desperate cent condition, while two men where imme- engagement, in all probability, would have diately employed to transport the bed on ensued, had not the lady of the castle interwhich she used to lie, from her brother's posed, and prevented the effects of their house to her new habitation; so that, in less animosity, by assuring the lieutenant that than two hours, the whole economy of the the commodore had been the aggressor, and garrison was turned topsy-turvey, and every that the workmen, finding themselves attackthing involved in tumult and noise. Trun- ed in such an extraordinary manner, by a nion being disturbed and distracted with the' person whom they did not know, were uproar, turned out in his shirt like a maniac, obliged to act in their own defence, by which and arming himself with a cudgel of crab- he had received that unlucky contusion. tree, made an irruption into his wife's apart- Mr Hatchway no sooner learnt the sentiment, where, perceiving a couple of carpen- ments of Mrs Trunnion, than sheathing his ters at work, in joining a bedstead, he, with indignation, he told the commodore that he many dreadful oaths and opprobrious invec- should always be ready to execute his lawful tives, ordered them to desist, swearing he commands, but that he could not in conwould suffer no bulk-heads nor hurricane science be concerned in oppressing poor houses to stand where he was master; but people, who had been guilty of no offence. finding his remonstrances disregarded by This unexpected declaration, together with these mechanics, who believed him to be the behaviour of his wife, who in his hearilng somne madman belonging to the family, who desired the carpenters to resume their work. had broke fromn confinement, he assaulted filled the breast of Trunnion with rage and them both with great fury and indigna- mortification. He pulled off his woollen tion, and was handled so roughly in the en- night-cap, pummelled his bare pate, beat the counter, that, in a very short time, he mea- floor alternately with his feet, swore his sured his length on the floor, in consequence people had betrayed him, and cursed himself of a blow that. he received from a hammer, to the lowest pit of hell for having admitted by which the sight of his remaining eye was such a cockatrice into his family. But all grievously endangered these exclamations did not avail: they weret G 50 SMOLLETT'S SELECT WORKS. among the last essays of his resistance to quired by his marriage, but seemed to retire the will of his wife, whose influence among within himself, like a tortoise when attackhis adherents had already swallowed up his ed, that shrinks within its shell, and silently own, and who now peremptorily told him, endured the scourge of her reproaches, withthat he must leave the management of every out seeming sensible of the smart. thing within doors to her, who understood This, however, was the only point in best what was for his honour and advantage. which she had been baffled since her nupShe then ordered a poultice to be prepared tials; and as she could by no means digest for his eye, which being applied, he was the miscarriage, she tortured her invention committed to the care of Pipes, by whom he for some new plan, by which she might augwas led about the house like a blind bear ment her influence and authority: what her growling for prey, while his industrious genius refused was supplied by accident: for yoke-fellow executed every circumstance of she had not lived four months in the garri-.he plan she had projected; so that, when son, when she was seized with frequent he recovered his vision, he was an utter qualms and retchings, her breasts began to stranger in his own house. harden, and her stomach to be remarkably prominent; in a word, she congratulated herself on the symptoms of her own fertility, CHAPTER X. and the commodore was transported with joy at the prospect of an heir of his own be. The commodore being in some cases restive, getting. his lady has recourse to artifice in the She knew this was the proper season for establishment of her throne-she exhibits vindicating her own sovereignty, and accordsymptoms of pregnancy, to the unspeak- ingly employed the means which nature had able joy of Trunnion, who nevertheless put in her power. There was not a rare is baulked in his expectation. piece of furniture and apparel for which she did not long: and one day as she went to THESE innovations were not effected with- church, seeing Lady Stately's equipage arout many loud objections on his part; and rive, she suddenly fainted away. Her hus. divers curious dialogues passed between him band, whose vanity had never been so perand his yoke-fellow, who always came off fectly gratified as with this promised harvest victorious from the dispute; insomuch that of his own sowing, took the alarm immehis countenance gradually fell: he began diately, and in order to prevent relapses of to suppress, and at length entirely devour, that kind, which might be attended with fatal his chagrin; the terrors of superior autho- consequences to his hbpe, gave her leave to rity were plainly perceivable in his features, bespeak a coach, horses, and liveries, to her and in less than three months he became a own liking. Thus authorised, she in a very thorough-paced husband. Not that his ob- little time exhibited such a specimen of her stinacy was extinguished, though overcome; own taste and magnificence, as afforded spein some things he was as inflexible and mulish culation to the whole country, and made as ever: but then he durst not kick so Trunnion's heart quake within him, because openly, and was reduced to the necessity of he foresaw no limits to her extravagance, being passive in his resentments. Mrs which also manifested itself in the most exTrunnion, for example, proposed that a coach pensive preparations for her lying-in. and six should be purchased, as she could Her pride, which had hitherto regarded not ride on horseback, and the chaise was a the representative of her father's house, scandalous carriage for a person of her con- seemed now to lose all that hereditary redition; the commodore, conscious of his own spect, and prompt her to outshine and underinferior capacity in point of reasoning, did value the elder branch of her family. She not think proper to dispute the proposal, but behaved to Mrs Pickle with a sort of civil lent a deaf ear to her remonstrances, though reserve that implied a conscious superiority; they were enforced with every argument and an emulation in point of grandeur imwhich she thought could soothe, terrify, mediately commenced between the two sisshame, or decoy him into compliance; in ters. She every day communicated her imvain did she urge the excess of affection she portance to the whole parish, under pretence had for him, as meriting some return often- of taking the air in her coach, and endeaderness and condescension; he was even voured to extend her acquaintance among proof against certain menacing hints she people of fashion. Nor was this an under. gave, touching the resentment of a slighted taking attended with great difficulty; for all woman, and he stood out against all the persons whatever, capable of maintaining a considerations of dignity or disgrace, like a certain appearance, will always find admis. bulwark of brass. Neither was he moved to sion into what is called the best company, any indecent or unkind expressions of con- and be rated, in point of character, accord. tradiction, even when she upbraided him ing to their own valuation, without subjectwith his sordid disposition, and put him in ing their pretensions to the smallest doubt or mlind of the fortune and honour he had ac- examination. In all her visits and parties, ADVENTU RE OF PEREGRINE PICKLE. 51 she seized every opportunity of declaring her ed to be in a fair way: yet this visitation was present condition, observing that, she was not more ccnclusive than the former; her forbid by her physicians to taste such a pains wore off in spite of all her endeavours pickle, and that such a dish was poison to a to encourage them, and the good women bewoman in her way; nay, where she was on took themselves to their respective homes, a footing of familiarity, she affected to make in expectation of finding the third attack dewry faces, and complained that the young cisive, alluding to the well known maxim, rogue began to be very unruly, writhing that number three is always fortunate. For herself into divers contortions, as if she had once however this apothegm failed; the next been grievously incommoded by the metal call was altogether as ineffectual as the forof this future Trunnion. The husband him- mer; and moreover attended with a phenomself did not behave with all the moderation enon which to them was equally strange and that might have been expected: at the club inexplicable: this was no other than such a he frequently mentioned this circumstance reduction of the size of Mrs Trunnion as of his own vigour as a pretty successful feat might have been expected after the birth o. to be performed by an old fellow of fifty-five, a full-grown child. Startled at such an unand confirmed the opinion of his strength by accountable event, they sat in close divan: redoubled squeezes of the landlord's hand, and concluding that the case was in all rewhich never failed of extorting a satisfactory spects unnatural and prodigious, desired that certificate of his might. When his compa- a messenger might be immediately dispatched nions drank to the Hans in kelder, or Jack for some male practitioner in the art of midin the low cellar, he could not help display- wifery. ing an extraordinary complacence of coun- The commodore, without guessing the tenance, and signified his intention of send- cause of their perplexity, ordered Pipes iming the young dog to sea, as soon as he mediately on this piece of duty; and in less should be able to carry a cartridge, in hopes than two hours they were assisted by the adof seeing him an officer before his own death. vice of a surgeon of the neighbourhood, who This hope helped to console him under the boldly affirmed that the patient had never extraordinary expense to which he was ex- been with child. This asseveration was like posed by the profusion of his wife, especially a clap of thunder to Mr Trunnion, who had when he considered that his compliance with been, during eight whole days and nights, in ner prodigality would be limited to the expi- continual expectation of being hailed with ration of the nine months, of which the best the appellation of father. part was by this time elapsed; yet, in spite of After some recollection, he swore the surall this philosophical resignation, her fancy geon was an ignorant fellow, and that he sometimes soared to such a ridiculous and in- would not take his word for what he advanctolerable pitch of insolence and absurdity, ed, being comforted and confirmed in his that his temper forsook him, and he could not want of faith by the insinuations of the midhelp wishing in secret that her pride might wife, who still persisted to feed Mrs Trunbe confounded in the dissipation of her most nion with hopes of a speedy and safe deliveflattering hopes, even though he himself ry; observing that she had been concerned should be a principal sufferer by the disap- in many a case of the same nature, where a pointment. These, however, were no other fine child was found, even after all signs of than the suggestions of temporary disgusts, the mother's pregnancy hiad disappeared. that commonly subsided as suddenly as they Every twig of hope, how slender soever it arose, and never gave the least disturbance may be, is eagerly caught hold on by people to the person who inspired them, because he who find themselves in danger of being distook care to conceal them carefully from her appointed. To every question proposed by knowledge. her to the lady with the preambles of" han't Meanwhile she happily advanced in her you?" or " don't you." an answer was made reckoning, with the promise of a favourable in the affirmative, whether agreeable to truth issue; the term of her computation expired, or not; because the respondent could not and in the middle of the night she was visit- find in her heart to disown any symptom that ed by certain warnings that seemed to be- might favour the notion she had so long inspeak the approach of the critical moment. dulged. The commodore got up with great alacrity, This experienced proficient in the obstetric and called the midwife, who had been seve- art was therefore kept in close attendance ral days in the house; the gossips were im- for the space of three weeks, during which mediately summoned, and the most interest- the patient had several returns of what she ing expectations prevailed; but the symp- pleased herself with believing to be labour toms of labour gradually vanished. and, as pains, till at length she and her husband bethe matrons sagely observed, this was no came the standing joke of the parish; and more than a false alarm. this infatuated couple could scarce be preTwo nights after, they received a second vailed upon to part with their hopes, even intimation; and as she was sensibly dimin- when she appeared as lank as a greyhound, ished in the waist, every thing was suppos- and they were furnished with other unques, 5 52 SI/SMOLLETT'S SELECT WORKS. tionable proofs of their having been deceiv- which, though they were strangely warped, ed. But they could not for ever remain un- disguised, and overborne, by the circumstander the influence of this sweet delusion, ces of his boisterous life and education, did which at last faded away, and was succeeded not fail to manifest themselves occasionally by a paroxysm of shame and confusion, that through the whole course of his behaviour. kept the husband within doors for the space As all the hopes of propagating his own of a whole fortnight, and confined his lady name had perished, and his relations lay to her bed for a series of weeks, during which under the interdiction of his hate, it is no she suffered all the anguish of the most in- wonder that, through the familiarity and tense mortification; yet even this was sub- friendly intercourse subsisting between him dued by the lenient hand of time. and Mr Gamaliel, he contracted a liking for The first respite from her chagrin was the boy, who by this time entered the third employed in the strict discharge of what are year of his age, and was indeed a very handcalled the duties of religion, which she per- some, healthy, and promising child; and formed with the most rancorous severity, what seemed to ingratiate him still more with setting on foot a persecution in her own fam- his uncle, was a certain oddity of disposition, ily, that made the house too hot for all the for which he had been remarkable, even from menial servants, even ruffled the almost in- his cradle. It is reported of him, that, bevincible indifference of Tom Pipes, harass- fore the first year of his infancy was elapsed, ed the commodore himself out of all patience, he used very often, immediately after being and spared no individual but lieutenant Hatch- dressed, in the midst of the caresses which way, whom she never ventured to disoblige. were bestowed upon himby his mother, while she indulged herself in the contemplation of her own happiness, all of a sudden to alarm CHAPTER XI. her with a fit of shrieks and cries, which continued with great violence till he was stripped Mrs Trunnion erects a tyranny in the gar- to the skin with the utmost expedition, by orrison, while her husband conceives an af- der of his affrilghted parent, who thought his fection for his nephew Perry, who man- tenderbodywastorturedbythe misapplication ifests a peculiarity of disposition even in of some unlucky pin; and when he had given his tender years. them all this disturbance and unnecessary trouble, he would lie sprawling and laughing HAVING exercised herself three months in in their faces, as if he ridiculed the imperti such pious amusements, she appeared again nence of their concern. Nay, it is affirmed, in the world; buthermisfortune had made such that one day, when an old woman, who atan impression on her mind, that she could not tended in the nursery, had by stealth conveybear the sight of a child, and trembled when- ed a bottle of cordial waters to her mouth, ever the conversation happened to turn upon he pulled his nurse by the sleeve, and, by a a christening. Her temper, which was na- slight glance detecting the theft, tipt her the turally none of the sweetest, seemedto have wink with a particular slyness of counteimbibed a double proportion of souring from nance, as if he had said with a sneer, —" Ay, her disappointment; of consequence, her ay, that is what you must all come to." But company was not much coveted, and she these instances of reflection in a babe nine found very few people disposed to treat her months old are so incredible, that I look with those marks of consideration which she upon them as ex post facto observations, looked upon as her due. This neglect de- founded upon imaginary recollection, when tached her from the society of an unmanner- he was in a more advanced age, and his pely: world; she concentrated the energy of all culiarities of temper become much more reher talents in the government of her own markable; of a piece with the ingenious dishouse, which groaned accordingly under her coveries of these sagacious observers who arbitrary sway; and in the brandy bottle can discern something evidently characterisfound ample consolation for all the affliction tic in the features of any noted personage, she had undergone. whose character they have previously heard As for the commodore, he, in a little time, explained: yet, without pretending to specify weathered his disgrace, after having sustain- at what period of his childhood this singular. ed many severe jokes from the lieutenant; ity first appeared, I can with great truth deand now his chief aim being to be absent clare, that, when he first attracted the notice from his own house as much as possible, he and affection of his uncle, it was plainly perfrequented the public house more than ever, ceivable. more assiduously cultivated the friendship of One would imagine he had marked out the his brother-in-law, Mr Pickle, and in the commodore as a proper object of ridicule, for course of their intimacy, conceived an affec- almost all his little childish satire was leveltion for his nephew Perry, which did not led against him. I will not deny that he end but with his life. Indeed, it must be might have been influenced in this particuowned that Trunnion was not naturally de- lar by the example and instruction of Mr ficient in the social passions of the soul, Hatchway, who delighted in superintending ADVENTURES OF PEREGRINE PICKLE. 53 the first essays of his genius. As the gout ed at these symptoms of stupidity, which she had taken up its residence in Mr Trunnion's considered as an inheritance derived from great toe, from whence it never removed, no the spirit of his father, and consequently not for a day, little Perry took great pleasure unsurmountable by all the efforts of human in treading by accident on this infirm mem- care. But the commodore rejoiced over the ber; and when his uncle, incensed by the ruggedness of his nature, and was particularpain, used to damn him for a hell-begotten ly pleased, when, upon inquiry, he found that brat, he would appease him in a twinkling, Perry had beaten all the boys in the school; by returning the curse with equal emphasis, a circumstance fiom which he prognosticatand asking what was the matter with old ed every thing that was fair and fortunate in Hannibal Tough; an appellation by which his future fate; observing that, at his age he the lieutenant had taught him to distinguish himself was just such another. The boy, this grim commander. who was now turned of six, having profited Neither was this the only experiment he so little under the birch of his unsparing gotried upon the patience of the commodore, vernor, Mrs Pickle was counselled to send with whose nose he used to take indecent him to a boarding-school not far from Lonfreedoms, even while he was fondled on his don, which was kept by a certain person knee; in one month he put him to the ex- very eminent for his successful method of pense of two guineas in seal-skin, by pick- education. This advice she the more readiing his pocket of divers tobacco pouches, ly embraced, because at that time she found all of which he in secret cotnmitted to the herself pretty far (one with another child, flames. Nor did the caprice of his disposi- that she hoped would console her for the distion abstain from the favourite beverage of appointment she had met with in the unTrunnion, who more than once swallowed a promising talents of Perry, or, at any rate, whole draught, in which his brother's snuff- divide her concern, so as to enable her to box had been emptied, before he perceived endure the absence of either. the disagreeable infusion: and one day, when the commodore had chastised him by a gentle tap with his cane, he fell flat on the floor, CHAPTER XII. as if he had been deprived of all sense and motion, to the terror and amazement of the Peregrine is sent to a boarding-schoolstriker; and after having filled- the whole becomes remarkable for his genius and house with confusion and dismay,, opened his ambition. eyes, and laughed heartily at the success of his own imposition. THE commodore understanding her determiIt would be an endless, and perhaps no nation, to which her husband did not venture very agreeable task, to enumerate all the un- to make the least objection, interested himlucky pranks he played upon his uncle and self so much in behalf of his favourite, as to others, before he attained the fourth year of fit him out at his own charge, and accomhis age; about which time he was sent, with pany him in person to the place of his destian attendant, to a day-school in the neigh- nation, where he defrayed the expense of his bourhood, that (to use his good mother's own entrance, and left him to the particular care expression) he might be out of harmn's way. and inspection of the usher, who having been Here, however, he made little progress ex- recommended to him as a person of parts cept in mischief, which he practised with and integrity, received per advance a handimpunity, because the schoolmistress would some consideration for the task he underrun no risk of disobliging a lady of fortune, took. by exercising unnecessary severities upon Nothing could be better judged than this her only child. Nevertheless, Mrs Pickle piece of liberality; the assistant was actually wvas not so blindly partial as to be pleased a man of learning, probity, and good sense; with such unseasonable indulgence. Perry and, though obliged by the scandalous adwas taken out of the hands of this courteous ministration of fortune to act in the character teacher, and committed to the instruction of of an inferior teacher, had, by his sole capaa pedagogue, who was ordered-to administer city and application, brought the school to such correction as the boy should (in his that degree of reputation, which it never opinion) deserve. This authority he did not could have obtained from the talents of his neglect to use: his pupil was regularly flog- superior. He had established an economy, ged twice a-day; and, after having been sub- which, though regular, was not at all severe, lected to this course of discipline for the by enacting a body of laws suited to the age space of eighteen months, declared the most and comprehension of every individual; and obstinate, dull, and untoward genius that each transgressor was fairly tried by his wver had fallen under his cultivation; instead peers, and punished according to the verdict of being reformed, he seemed rather }arden- of the jury. No boy was scourged for want ed and confirmed in his vicious inclinations, of apprehension, but a spirit of emulation and was dead to all sense of fear as well as was raised by well-timed praise and artful shame.; His mother was extremely mortifi- comparison, and maintained by a gcistribu 54 SMOLLETT'S SELECT WORKS. tion of smnall prizes, which were adjudged to rudiments of the Latin tongue. The usher those who signalized themselves either by did not fail to transmit an account of his their industry, sobriety, or genius. This proficiency to the commodore, who received tutor, whose name was Jennings, began with it with transport, and forthwith communiPerry, according to his constant maxim, by cated the happy tidings to the parents. examining the soil; that is, studying his Mr Gamaliel Pickle, who was never subtemper, in order to consult the bias of his ject to violent emotions, heard them with a disposition, which was strangely perverted sort of phlegmatic satisfaction, that scarce by the absurd discipline he had undergone. manifested itself either in his countenance He found him in a state of sullen insensi- or expressions; nor did the child's mother bility, which the child had gradually con- break forth into that rapture and admiration tracted in a long course of stupifying cor- which might have been expected, when she rection; and at first he was not in the least understood how much the talents of her firstactuated by that commendation which ani- born had exceeded the hope of her warmest mated the rest of his school-fellows: nor imagination. Not but that she professed was it in the power of reproach to excite his herself well pleased with Perry's reputation, ambition, which had been buried, as it were, though she observed that, in these commenin the grave of disgrace: the usher, there- dations, the truth was always exaggerated fore, had recourse to contemptuous neglect, by schoolmasters, for their own interest; with which he affected to treat this stubborn and pretended to wonder that the usher had spirit; foreseeing, that, if he retained any not mingled more probability with his praise. seeds of sentiment, this weather would in- Trunnion was offended at her indifference fallibly raise them into vegetation. IHis and want of faith; and believing that she judgment was justified by the event; the refined too much in her discernment, swore boy in a little time began to make observa- that Jennings had declared the truth, and tions: he perceived the marks of distinction nothing but the truth; for he himself had with which virtue was rewarded, grew prophesied from the beginning that the boy ashamed of the despicable figure he himself would turn out a credit to his family. But made among his companions, who, far from by this time Mrs Pickle was blessed with a courting, rather shunned his conversation, daughter, whom she had brought into the and actually pined at his own want of im- world about six months before the intelliportance. gence arrived; so that her care and affec-'Mr Jennings saw and rejoiced at his tion being otherwise engrossed, the praise of mortification, which he suffered to proceed Perry was the less greedily devoured. The as far as possible, without endangering his abatement of her fondness was an advantage health. The child lost all relish for diver- to his education, which would have been resion, loathed his food, grew pensive, solitary, tarded, and perhaps ruined, by pernicious inand was frequently found weeping by him- dulgence and preposterous interposition, had self. These symptoms plainly evinced the her love considered him as an only child; recovery of his feelings, to which his go- whereas, her concern being now diverted to vernor thought it now high time to make another object, that shared, at least, one half application; and therefore, by little and lit- of her affection, he was left to the managetie, altered his behaviour from the indiffer- ment of his preceptor, who tutored him acence he had put on, to the appearance of cording to his own plan, without any let or more regard and attention. This produced interruption. Indeed, all his sagacity and a favourable change in the boy, whose eyes circumspection were but barely sufficient to sparkled with satisfaction one day, when. his keep the young gentleman in order; for now master expressed himself with a show of that he had won the palm of victory from surprise in these words: "So, Perry! I find his rivals in point of scholarship, his ambiVou don't want genius, when you think pro- tion dilated, and he was seized with the deper to use it." Such encomiums kindled a sire of subjecting the whole school by the spirit of emulation in his little breast; he valour of his arm. Before he could bring his exerted himself with surprising alacrity, by project to bear; innumerable battles were which he soon acquitted himself of the im- fought, with various success; every day a putation of dullness, and obtained sundry bloody nose and complaint were presented honorary silver pennies, as acknowledg- against him, and his own visage commonly ments of his application: his school-fellows bore some livid marks of obstinate contention. now solicited his friendship as eagerly as At length, however, he accomplished his they had avoided it before; and, in less than aim: his adversaries were subdued, his a twelvemonth after his arrival, this suppos- prowess acknowledged, and he obtained the 4d dunce was remarkable for the brightness laurel in war as well as in wit. Thus triof his parts; having in that short period umphant, he was intoxicated with success. iearnt to read English perfectly well, made His pride rose in, proportion to his power, great progress in writing, enabled himself to and, in spite of all the endeavours of Jer' speak the French language without hesita- nings, who practised every method he could tion, and acquired some knowledge in the invent for curbing his licentious conduct, ADVENTURES OF PEREGRINE PICKLE. without depressing his spirit, he contracted the German descended so low as to tamper a large proportion of insolence, which a se- in private with the boys, from whom he ries of misfortunes that happened to him in hoped to draw some very important disco. the sequel could scarce effectually tame. very; but he was disappointed in his exNevertheless there was a fund of good na- pectation; and this mean practice reaching ture and generosity in his composition, and the ears of his usher, he voluntarily re.i though he established a tyranny among his ed his employment. Finding interest?!: comrades, the tranquillity of his reign was tain holy orders in a little time after - maintained by the love rather than the fear the kingdom, hoping to find a settle of his subjects. some of our American plantations.. In the midst of all his enjoyment of em- The departure of Mr Jennin pire, he never once violated that respectful a great revolution in the affairs awe with which the usher had found means which declined from that mai' to inspire him; but he by no means preserv- he had neither authoi.ty, ed the same regard for the principal master, dience, nor prudence an old illiterate German quack, who had among his scholars; s formerly practised corn-cutting among the generated into anari d quality, and sold cosmetic washes to the he himself dwindled { his ladies, together with teeth-powders, hair- employers, who perdyeing liquors, prolific elixirs, and tinctures annuated, and", from to sweeten the breath. These nostrums, his tuition. i/,)-' recommended by the art of cringing, in Peregrii i n of their which he was consummate, ingratiated him society, rd'peery day d e' so much with people of fashion, that he was prived;:in to epine enabled to set up school with five-and-twenty at hisstuati Iveif possible, to boys of the best families, wvhom he boarded p itjurisdiction of on his own terms, and undertook to instruct th 5both detested and desin the French and Latin languages, so as to pis - view he went to work, qualify them for the colleges of Westminster and co following billet, addressand Eton. While this plan was in its in- ed toq tle-W mdore, which was the first fancy, he was so fortunate as to meet with specimen ofs p sition in the epistoJennings, who, for the paltry consideration lary. way.:-; of thirty pounds a-year, which his necessi- " ":ONOUREiD ADN+I LOVING UNCLE, ties compelled him to accept, took the whole " oping y re in good health, this trouble of educating the children upon him- serve d oin that Mr Jennings is self, contrived an excellent system for that gon'Keypstick will never purpose, and by. his assiduity and know- meetv, The school is already ledge, executed all the particulars to the en- almost'the rest daily going tire satisfaction of those concerned, who, by away u of all love to have the bye,-never inquired into his qualifications, me fetc l o, I cannot bear to but suffered the other to enjoy the fruits of be any Iw e&who is a prtEc his labour and ingenuity. ignoramu B ows the declinaOver and above a large stock of avarice, tion of mu~ -Ait to be a scareignorance, and vanity, this superior had cer- crow than, ig you will tain ridiculous peculiarities in his person, send for me ve to my aunt, such as a hunch upon his back, and distort- and my duty: arents, craving ed limbs,' that seemed to attract the satirical their blessinl this is all at notice of Peregrine, who, young as he was, present from, -Iur well betook offence at his want of reverence for his loved and duti _ dson, and usher, over whom he sometimes chose op- humble servant ti ifth, portunities of displaying his authority, that KLE. the boys might not displace their venera- Trunnion was o eceipt of tion. Mr Keypstick, therefore, such as I this letter, which hqI I of have described him, incurred the contempt the greatest efforts Jdlady, and displeasure of this enterprising pupil, such communicated t ise ln who now, being in the tenth year of his age, whom he had disturb had capacity enough to give him abundance the middle of her dev n of vexation. He underwent many mortify- message to her closet, r ing jokes from the invention of Pickle and custom very frequently to d ~his confederates; so that he began to enter- out of humour at beir:.. tain suspicion of Mr Jennings, who, he could therefore did not peruq. this) not help thinking, had been at the bottom of nephew's understarng wilt' them all, and spirited up principles of rebel- that the commoO$re himsel lion in the school, with a view of making on the contrary, after sundry himself independent. Possessed with this deavours to speak (for her ton, chimera, which was void of all foundation, refused its ofice) she observed 56 SMOLLETT'S SELECT WORKS. was a pert jackanapes, and deserved to be TRUINNION having obtained this permission, severely chastised for treating his betters that very afternoon despatched the lieutenant with such disrespect. Her husband under- in a post-chaise to Keypstick's house, from took his godson's defence, representing, whence, in two days, he returned with our wit great warmth, that he knew Kevpstick young hero; who, being now in the eleventh a good-for-nothing pimping old rascal, year of his age, had outgrown the expectat Perry showed a great deal of spirit tion of all his family, and was remarkable for d sense in desiringto be taken from the beauty and elegance of his person. His command; he therefore declared, godfather was transported at his arrival, as y should not live a week longer if he had been actually the issue of his own shambling son of a b-, and loins. He shook him heartily by the hand, declaration with abundance of turned him round and round, surveyed him from top to bottom, bade Hatchway take noconposing her countenance tice how handsomely he was built; squeezed _ ~ ojus demureness, rebuked his hand again, saying, — Damn ye, you': ~:i'e. A way of talking; and dog, I suppose you don't value such an old asa [ a ito ie, if he intended crazy son of a b- as me a rope's end. You nev?.lat t brutal behaviour! have forgot how I wont to dandle you on my Irrit ach; ihe answered, in knee, when you was a little urchin no bigger terms':t he knew how to than the davit, and played a thousand tricks behave hil e'e r a&woman that upon me, burning rmy bacco-pouches, and wore ah her'6,wn affairs, poisoning my rumbo: 0 damn ye, you can and, with B of' o4thms, gave grin fast enough, I see; I warrant you have her to unde old'bd'master learnt more things than writing the Latin in his own bh h~HY~i- ~: lingo." Even Tom Pipes expressed uncom. This insint,i pi its mon satisfaction on this joyful occasion; like friction up ce and coming up to Perry, thrust forth his gleamed with re' i{ fore paw, and accosted him with the salutaseemed to emit pa X!. tion of, " What cheer my good master? I plied with incredibi test am glad to see thee with all my heart." expressions. He ret e, Those compliments being passed, his uncle in broken hints and inc ns. halted to the door of his wife's chamber, at She rejoined with red, d in which he stood hallooing, "Here's your conclusion he was fair )to kinsman Perry, belike you won't come and flight, ejaculating cu ifid bid him welcomle." —" Lord! Mr Trunnion," muttering something.O andy said she, why will you continually harass bottle, which, howe should me in this manner with your impertinent innever reach her ear trusion " " I harrow you!" replied the From his own irectly to commodore; "'sblood, I believe your upper visit Mrs Pickle arted Pe- works are damaged; I only came to inform regrino's epistle s encomiums you that here was your cousin, whom you upon theboy's and finding have not seen these four long years; and I'll his commenda tio l received, de- be damn'd if there is such another of his age sired she wo'take his god- within the king's dominions, d'ye see, either son under his o Thinsladhy,'' s- asInowir ifor make or metal; he's a credit to the now increnas- name, d'ye see; but, damn my eyes, I'll say ed by anot med to engross no more of the' matter; if you come, you her care fo not seen Perry may; if you won't, you may let it alone." during a c:'ars, and, with re- " Well, I won't come then," answered his gard to Iy weaned of that' yoke-fellow, "for I am at present more infirmity. name of maternal agreeably employed." "Oho; you are? I fondne:'-w e: consented" to the believe so too;" cried the commodore, maksion, d; 2W Yith great condescen- ing wry faces, and mimicking the action of con~e pliment to him on thq dram drinking. Then addressing himself to welfl ong manifested for the Hatchway,-" Prithee, Jack," said he, "go and try thy skill on that stubborn hulk; if any body can bring her about, I know you wool." The lieutenant accordingly taking leTER XIII. his station at the door, conveyed his persuasion in these words: "What, won't you take's Peregrine under his turn out and hail little Perry? it will do -- /ie boy arrives at the garrison your heart good to see such a handsome ly received by his own mo- young dog; I'm sure he is the very moral of rsinto a confederacy with you, and as like as if he had been spit out ot and Pipes, anra executes a cou- your own mouth, as the saying is; do show ggish enterprises upon his aunt. a little respect for your kinsman, can't ADVENTUPRILES OF PEREGRINE PICKLE. 57 you?" To this remonstra.nce she replied, in the swinging of a malefactor hanging in a mild tone of voice,-" Dear Mr Hatchway, chains; he could counterfeit the braying of you are always teasing one in such a man- an ass, the screeching of a night owl, the ner; sure I am, nobody can tax me with un- caterwauling of cats, the howling of a dog, kindness, or want of natural affection " So the squeaking of a pig, the crowing of a saying, she opened the door, and advancing cock; and he had learnt the war-whoop utto the hall, where her nephew stood, receiv- tered by the Indians of. North America. ed him very graciously, and observed that he These talents were exerted successively at was the very image of her papa. different times and places, to the terror of In the afternoon he was conducted by the Mrs Trunnion, the discomposure of the comcommodore to the house of his parents; and, modore himself, and the consternation of all strange to tell, no sooner was he presented the servants in the castle. Peregrine, with to his mother, than her countenance chang- a sheet over his clothes, sometimes tumbled ed; she eyed him with tokens of affliction before his aunt in the twilight, when her orand surprise, and bursting into tears, ex- gans of vision were a little impaired by the claimed her child was dead, and this was no cordial she had swallowed; and, the boatother than an impostor whom they had swain's mate taught him to shoe cats with brought to defraud her sorrow. Trunnion walnut-shells, so that they made a most was confounded at this unaccountable pas- dreadful clattering in their nocturnal excursion, which had no other foundation than sions. The mind of Mrs Trunnion was not caprice and whim; and Gamaliel himself was a little disturbed by these alarms, which, in so disconcerted and unsettled in his own be- her opinion, portended the death of some lief, which began to waver, that he knew principal person in the family; she redoubled not how to behave towards the boy, whom her religious exercises, and fortified her his godfather immediately carried back to the spirits with fresh potations; nay, she began garrison, swearing all the way that Perry to take notice that Mr Trunnion's constitnshould never cross their threshold again with tion was very much broke, and seemed dishis good will. Nay, so much was he in- satisfied when people observed that they censed at this unnatural and absurd renun- never saw him look better. Her frequent ciation, that he refused to carry on any far- visits to the closet, where all her consolather correspondence with Pickle, until he tion was deposited, inspired the confederates was appeased by his solicitations and sub- with a device which had like to have been atmission, and Peregrine owned as his son and tended with tragical consequences. They heir. But this acknowledgment was made found an opportunity to infuse jalap in without the privity of hiswife, whose vicious one of her case bottles,. and she took so aversion he was obliged, in appearance, to largely of this medicine that her constituadopt. Thus exiled from his father's house, tion had well nigh sunk under the violence the young gentlemen was left entirely to the of its effects. She suffered a succession of disposal of the commodore, whose affection fainting fits that reduced her to the brinl of for him daily increased, insomuch that he the grave, in spite of all the remedies that could scarce prevail upon himself to part were administered by a physician, who was with him, when his education absolutely called in the beginning of her disorder. After required that he should be otherwise dispos- having examined the symptoms, he declared ed of. that the patient had been poisoned with In all probability, this extraordinary at- arsenic, and prescribed oily draughts and lutachment was, if not produced, at least bricating injections, to defend the coats of rivetted, by that peculiar turn in Peregrine's the stomach and intestines fromthe vellicatimagination which we have already observ- ing particles of that pernicious mineral; at ed; and which, during his residence in the the same time hinting, with a look of infihite castle, appealed in sundry stratagems he sagacity, that it was not difficult to divine practised upon his uncle and aunt, under the the whole mystery. He affected to deplore auspices of Mr Hatchway, who assisted him the poor lady, as if she was exposed to more in the contrivance and execution of all his attemps of the same nature; thereby glancing schemes. Nor was Pipes exempted from a obliquely at the innocent commodore, whom share in their undertakings: for, being a the officious son of 2Esculapius suspected as trusty fellow, not without dexterity in some the author of this expedient, to rid his hands cases, and altogether resigned to their will, of a yoke-fellow for whom he -was well they found him a serviceable instrument for known to have no great devotion. This their purpose, and used him accordingly. impertinent and malicious insinuation made The first sample of their art was exhibited some impression upon the bystanders, and upon Mrs Trunnion. They terrified that furnished ample field for slander to asperse good lady with strange noises when she re- the morals of Trunnion, who was represent-. tired to her devotion. Pipes was a natural ed through the whole district as a monster genius in the composition of discords; he of barbarity. Nay, the sufferer herself, could imitate the sound produced by the though ~he behaved with great decency aind winding of a jack, the filing of a saw, and prudence, could not help entertaining some, H 58 SMOLLETT'S SELECT WORKS. small diffidence of her husband; not that laid him flat on the floor, deprived of all sense she imagined he had any design upon her and motion; and Trunnion hopped up stairs life, but that he had been at pains to adulte- to dinner, applauding himself in ejaculations rate the brandy, with a view of detaching her all the way for the vengeance he had taken from that favourite liquor. on such an impudent pettifboging miscreant. On this suppostion she resolved to act The attorney no sooner awaked fiom his with more caution for the future, without trance, in which he had been so unexpectsetting on foot any inquiry about the affair: edly lulled, than he cast his eyes around in while the commodore, imputing her indispo- quest of evidence, by which he might be ensition to some natural cause, after the dan- abled the more easily to prove the injury he ger was past, never bestowed a thought upon had sustained; but not a soul appearing, he the subject; so that the perpetrators were quit made shift to get upon his legs again, and, of their fear, which, however, had punished with the blood trickling over his nose, folthem so effectually, that they never would lowed one of the servants into the dining hazard any more jokes of the same nature. room, resolved to come to an explanation The shafts of their wit were now directed with the assailant, and either extort money against the commander himself, whom they from him by way of satisfaction, or provoke teased and terrified almost out of his senses. him to a second application before witnesses. One day while he was at dinner, Pipes came With this view he entered the room in a peal and told him that there was a person below of clamour, to the amazement of all present, that wanted to speak with him immediately and the terror of Mrs Trunnion, who shriekabout an affair of the greatest importance, ed at the appearance of' such a spectacle, that would admit of no delay; upon which and addressing himself to the commodore,'he ordered the stranger to be told that he " I'll tell you what, sir," said he, " if there was engaged, and that he must send up his be law in England, I'll make you smart for -name and business. To this demand he re- this here assault; yo~: think you have screenceived for answer a message, importing that ed yourself fiom a prosecution, by sending the person's name was unknown to him, and all your servants out of the way, but. that his business of such a nature, that it could circumstance will appear upon trial to be a not be disclosed to any one but the' commo- plain proof of the malice prepense with which dore himself, whom he earnestly desired to the fact was committed, especially when corsee without loss of time. roborated by the evidence of this here letter, Trunnion, surprised at this importunity, under your own hand, whereby I am desired got up with great reluctance, in the middle to come to your own house to transact an of his meal, and descending to a parlour affair of consequence." So saying, he prowhere the stranger was, asked him, in a sur- duced the writing, and read the contents in ly'tone, what he wanted with him in such a these words: damn'd hurry, that he could not wait till he "MR RocER RAVINE, had made an end of his mess. The other, "Sir,-Being in a manner prisoner in my not: at all disconcerted at this rough address, owvn house, I desire you will give me a call advanced close up to him on his tiptoes, and, precisely at three o'clock in the afternoon, with a look of confidence and conceit, lay- and insist upon seeing me myself, as I have an ing his mouth to one side of the commodore's affair of great consequence, in which your head, whispered softly in his ear,-" Sir, I particular advice is wanted, by your humble am the attorney whom you wanted to con- servant. verse with in private." " The attorney?" "HAwsER TRUNNION." cried Trunnion, staring and half choked with The one-eyed commander, who had been choler. " Yes, sir, at you service," replied satisfied with the chastisement he had already this retainer to the law, " and, if you please, bestowed upon t he plaintiff, hearing him read the sooner we dispatch the affair the better, this audacious piece of forgery, which he confor it is an old observation that delay breeds sidered as the effect of his own villany, startdanger." "Truly, brother," said the com- ed up from table, and seizing a huge turkey modore, who could no longer contain him- that lay in a dish before him, would have apself, " I do confess that I am very much of plied it sauce and all, by way of poultice to your way of thinking, d'ye see; and there- his wound, had he not been restrained by fore you shall be dispatched in a trice:" so Hatchway, who laid fast hold on both his saying, he lifted up his walking staff, which arms. and fixed him to his chair again, adviswas something between a crutch and a cud- ing the attorney to sheer off with what he had gel, and discharged it with such energy on got. Far from following this salutary counthe seat of the attorney's understanding, that, sel, he redoubled his threats, and set Trunif there had been any thing but solid bone, nion at defiance, telling him he was not a man the contents of his skull must have been oftrue courage, although he had commanded a evacuated. ship of war, or else he would not have attackFortified as he was by nature against all ed any person in such a cowardly and clandessuch assaults, he could not withstand the tine manner. This provocation would have momentum of the blow, which in an instant answered his purpose effectually, had not his ADVENTURES OF PEREGRINE PICKLE. 59 iversary's indignation been repressed by couple of broad glasses, instead of eyes. On hne suggestions of the lieutenant, who de- the inside of these he placed two rush-lights, sired his friend, in a whisper, to be easy, for and with a composition of sulphur and salthe would take care to have the attorney toss- petre, made a pretty large fuse, which he fixed in a blanket for his presumption. This ed between two rows of the teeth. This proposal, which he received with great ap- equipage being finished, he, one dark night, probation, pacified him in a moment: he chosen for the purpose, put it on, and followwiped the sweat from his forehead, and his ing the commodore into a long passage, in features relaxed into a grim smile. which he was preceded by Perry with a light Hatchway disappeared, and Ravine pro- in his hand, kindled his fire-work with a ceeded with great fluency of abuse, until he match, and began to bellow like a bull.was interrupted by the arrival of Pipes, who, The boy, as it was concerted, looking bewithout any expostulation, led him out by the hind him, screamed aloud, and dropped the hand, and conducted him to the yard, where light, which was extinguished in the fall: he was put into a carpet, and in a twinkling when Trunnion, alarmed at his nephew's consent into the air by the strength and dexter- sternation, exclaimed,-" Zounds! what's ity of five stout operators, whom the lieuten- the matter 3" And turning about to see the ant had selected from the number of domes- cause of his dismay, beheld a hideous phantics for that singular spell of duty. tom vomiting blue flame, which aggravated In vain did the astonished vaulter beg for the horrors of its aspect. He was instantly the love of God and passion of Christ, that seized with an agony of fear, which divested they would take pity upon him, and put an him of his reason; nevertheless, he, as it end to his involuntary gambols; they were were mechanically, raised his trusty supdeaf to his prayers and protestations, even porter in his own defence, and the apparition when he swore, in the most solemn man- advancing towards him, aimed it at this ner, that, if they would cease tormenting dreadful annoyance with such a convulsive him, he would forget and forgive what was exertion of strength, that, had not the blow past, and depart in peace to his own habi- chanced to light upon one of the horns, Mr tation; and continued the game till they were Pipes would have had no cause to value himfatigued with the exercise. self upon his invention. Misapplied as it Ravine being dismissed in a most melan- was, he did not fail to stagger at the shock, choly plight, brought an action of assault and and, dreading another such salutation, closbattery against the commodore, and subpce- ed with the commodore, and having tripped naed all the servants as evidences in the up his heels, retreated with great expedition. cause; but as none of them had seen what It was then that Peregrine, pretending to happened, he did not find his account in the recollect himself a little, ran with all the prosecution, though he himself examined all marks of disturbance and affright, and called he witnesses, and, among other questions, tip the servants to the assistance of their asked, whether they had not seen him come master, whom they found in a cold sweat in like anoth(,r man? and whether they had upon the floor, his features betokening horever seen any other man in such a condition ror and confusion. Hatchway raised him as that in which he had crawled off but this up, and, having comforted him with a cup of last interrogation they were not obliged to Nantz, began to inquire into the cause of his answer, because it had a reference to the disorder; but he could not extract one word second discipline he had undergone, in which of answer from his fiiend, who, after a conthey, and they only, were concerned; and siderable pause, during which he seemed to no person is bound to give testimony against be wrapped up in profound contemplation, himself. pronounced aloud.-,.By the Lord! Jack, In short, the attorney was nonsuited, to you may say what you wool; but I'll be the satisfaction of all who knew him, and damn'd if it was not Davy Jones himself. I found himself under the necessity of proving know him by his saucer-eyes, his three rows that he had received, in course of post, the of teeth, his horns and tail, and the blue letter which was declared in court a scanda- smoke that came out of his nostrils. What lous forgery, in order to prevent an indict- does the blackguard hell's baby want with ment with which he was threatened by the me? I am sure I never committed murder, commodore, who little dreamed that the except in the way of my profession, nor whole affair had been planned and executed wronged any man whatsomever, since I first by Peregrine and his associates. went to sea.." This same Davy Jones, acThe next enterprise in which this trium- cording to the mythology of sailors, is the virate engaged, was a scheme to frighten fiend that presides over all the evil spirits of Trunnion with an apparition, which they the deep, and is often seen in various shapes, prepared and executed in this manner:-To perching among the rigging on the eve of the hide of a large ox, Pipes fitted a leathern hurricanes, shipwrecks, and other disasters, vizor, of a most terrible appearance, stretch- to whicll a seafaring life is exposed; warning ed on the jaws of a shark, which he had the devoted wretch of death andwo. No brought firom sea, and accommodated with a wonder, then, that Trunnion was disturbed 60 SMOLLETT'S SELECT WORKS. by a supposed visit of this demon, which, in duce himself to the commodore, with his opinion, foreboded some dreadful ca- suppositions letter of recommendation froin lamity. this detested kinsman; an imposition that, in all likelihood, would afford abundance of diversion. CHAPTER XIV. The lieutenant relished the scheme, and young Pickle having composed an epistle for He is also, by their advice, engaged in an the occasion, the exciseman of the parish, a adventure with the exciseman, who does fellow of great impudence and some humour, not find his account in his own drollery. in whom Hatchway could confide, undertook to transcribe and deliver it with his own HowsoEvER preposterous and unaccountable hand, and also personate the man in whose that passion may be which prompts persons. favour it was feigned to be writ. He accordotherwise generous and sympathising, to af- ingly one morning arrived on horseback at flict and perplex their fellow-creatures, cer- the garrison, two hours at least before Truntain it is, our confederates entertained such nion used to get up, and gave Pipes, who a large proportion of it, that, not satisfied admitted him, to understand, that he had a with the pranks they had already played, letter for his master, which he was ordered they still persecuted the commodore without to deliver to none but the commodore himceasing. In the course of his own history, self. This message was no sooner commuthe particulars of which he delighted to re- nicated, than the indignant chief (who had count, he had often rehearsed an adventure been waked for the purpose) began to curse of deer-stealing, in which (during the un- the messenger for breaking his rest, and thinking impetuosity of his youth) he had swore he would not budge till his usual time been unfortunately concerned. Far from of turning out. This resolution being consucceeding in that achievement, he and his veyed to the stranger, he desired the carrier associates had (it seems) been made prison- to go back and tell him he had such joyful ers, after an obstinate engagement with the tidings to impart that he was sure the comkeepers, and carried before a neighbouring modore would think himself amply rewarded justice of the peace, who used Trunnion for his trouble, even if he had been raised with great indignity, and with his compan- from the grave to receive them. ions committed him to jail. This assurance, flattering as it was, would His own relations, and particularly an un- not have been powerful enough to persuade cle, on whom he chiefly depended, treated him, had it not been assisted with the exhim during his confinement with great rigour hortations of his spouse, which never failed and inhumanity, and absolutely refused to in- to influence his conduct. HIe therefore crept terpose their influence in his behalf, unless out of bed, though not without great repughe would sign a writing, obliging himself to nance, and, wrapping himself in his morning go to sea within thirty days after his release, gown, was supported down stairs, rubbing under the penalty of being proceeded against his eve, yawning fearfully, and grumbling all as a felon. The alternative was, either to the way. As soon as he popped his head undergo this voluntary exile, or remain in into the parlour, the supposed stranger made prison, disowned and deserted by every body, divers awkward bows, and with a grinning and, after all, suffer an ignominious trial, aspect accosted him in these words! " Your that might end in a sentence of transporta- most humble servant, most noble commodore! tion for life. He therefore, without much I hope you are in good health; you look hesitation, embraced the proposal of his pure and hearty; and, if it was not for that kinsman, and (as he observed) was, in less misfortune of your eye, one would not desire than a month after his discharge, turned to see a more pleasant countenance in a adrift to the mercy of the wind and waves. summer's day. Sure as I am a living soul, Since that period he had never maintained one would take you to be on this side of any correspondence with his relations, all of threescore. Laud help us! I should have whom had concurred in sending him off: nor known you to be a Trunnion, if I had met would he ever pay the least regard to the with you in the midst of Salisbury plain, as humiliations and supplications of some the saying is." The commodore, who was among them, who had prostrated themselves not at all in the humour of relishing such an before him, on the advancement of his for- impertinent preamble, interrupted him il tune; but he retained a most inveterate re- this place, saying, with a peevish accent, sentment against his uncle, who was still in " Pshaw! pshaw! brother, there's no occabeing, though extremely old and infirm, and sion to bowse out so much unnecessary gum; frequently mentioned his name with all the if you can't bring your discourse to bear on bitterness of revenge. the right subject, you had much better clap a Perry being perfectly well acquainted with stopper on yourtongue, and bring yourself up,.he particulars of this story, which he had d'ye see: I was told you had something to heard so often repeated, proposed to Hatch- deliver." "Deliver!" cried the waggish imway, that a person should be hired to intro- postor, " odds heart! I have got something ADVENTURES OF PEREGRINE PICKLE. 61.r you that will make your very entrails re- spit in his face, and call him horse; that I oice within your body. Here's a letter from tear his letter into rags, so; and that I trama dear and worthy friend of yours. Take, ple upon it as I would upon his own villanous read it, and be happy. Blessings on his old carcass, d'ye see." So saying, he danced heart! one would think he had renewed his in a sort of frenzy upon the fragments of the age, like the eagles." Trunnion's expecta- paper, which he had scattered about the tion being thus raised, he called for his spec- room, to the inexpressible satisfaction of the tacles, adjusted them to his eye, took the triumvirate, who beheld the scene. letter, and, being curious to know0the sub- The exciseman having got between him scription, no sooner perceived his uncle's and the door, which was left open for his name, than he started bachl, his lip quivered, escape, in case of necessity, affected great and he began to shake in every limb with re- confusion and surprise at his behaviour, saysentment and surprise; nevertheless, eager ing, with an air of mortification,-" Lord be to know the subject of an epistle from a per- merciful unto me! is this the way you treat son who had never before troubled him with your own relations, and the recommendation any sort of address, he endeavoured to recol- of you best friend? Surely all gratitude and lect himself, and perused the contents, which virtue have left this sinful world! What will were these: cousin Tim, and Dick, and Tom, and good "LOVING NEPHEnV,. mother Pipkin, and her daughters, cousins "I doubt not but you will be rejoiced to Sue, and Prue, and Peg, with all the rest of hear of my welfare; and well you may, con- our kinsfolk, say, when they hear of this unsidering what a kind uncle I hav'e been to conscionable reception that I have met with. you in the days of your youth, and how lit- Consider, sir, that ingratitude is worse than tie you deserved any such thing; for you the sin of witchcraft, as the apostle wisely was always a graceless young man, given.to observes; and do not send me away with wicked courses and bad company, whereby such unchristian usage, which will lay a youwould have come to a shameful end, had heavy load of guilt upon your poor miserable it not been for my care in sending you out soul." " What, you are on a cruise for a of mischief's way. But this is not the cause post, brother Trickle, an't ye?" (said Trunof my present writing. The bearer, Mr nion, interrupting him) " we shall find a post Timothy Trickle, is a distant relation of for you in a trice, my boy. Here, Pipes, yours, being the son of the cousin of your take this saucy son of a bitch, belay him to aunt Margery, and is not over and above well the whipping-post in the yard. I'll teach as to worldly matters. He thinks of going you to rouse me in the morning with such to London, to see for some post in the ex- impertinent messages." Pipes, who wanted cise or customs, if so be that you will recom- to carry the joke farther than the exciseman mend him to some great man of your ac- dreamed of, laid hold of him in a twinkling, quaintance, and give him a small matter to and executed the orders of his commander, keep him till he is provided. I doubt not, notwithstanding all his nods, winking, andt nephew, but you will be glad to serve him, significant gestures, which the boatswain's if it was no more but for the respect you mate would by no means understand: so bear to me, who am, loving nephew, your that he began to repent of the part he acted affectionate uncle, and servant to command, in this performance, which was like to end " TOBIAI TRUNNION." SO tragically, and stood fastened to the stake, It would be a difficult task for the inimita- in a very disagreeable state of suspense, ble Hogarth himself to exhibit the ludicrous casting many a rueful look over his left expression of the commodore's countenance, shoulder (while Pipes was absent in quest of while he read this letter. It was not a stare a cat-o'-nine tails), in expectation of being of astonishment, a convulsion of rage, or a relieved by the interposition of the lieutenghastly grin of revenge, but an association ant, who did not, however, appear. Tom, of all three, that took possession of his fea- returning with the instrument of correction, tures. At length he hawked up, with incre- undressed the delinquent in a trice, and dible straining, the interjection ab! that whispering in his ear that he was very sorry seemed to have stuck some time in his for being employed in such an office, but windpipe, and thus gave vent to his indigna- durst not for his soul disobey the orders of tion: "Have I come alongside of you at his commander, flourished the scourge about last, you old stinking curmudgeon! You lie, his head, and, with admirable dexterity, you lousy hulk, you lie-you did all in your made such a smarting application to the power to founder me whlen I was a stripling; offender's back and shoulders, that the disand as for being graceless, and wicked, and tracted gauger performed sundry new cuts keeping bad company, you tell a damned lie with his feet, and bellowed hideously with again, you thief; there was not a more pain, to the infinite satisfaction of the specpeaceable lad in the county, and I kept no tators. At length, when he was almost fleaed bad company butyour own, d'yesee. There- from his rump to the nape of his neck, fore, you Trickle, or what's your name, tell Hatchway, who had purposely absented himthe old rascal that sent you hither, that I self hitherto, appeared in the yard, and inter 62 SMOLLETT'S SELECT WORKS. posing in his behalf, prevailed upon Trunnion to devour his chagrin, and extend his fobrto call off the executioner, add ordered the giveness even to Pipes, whom, in the first malefactor to be released. J sally of his passion, he had looked upon in a The exciseman, mad with the catastrophe more criminal light than that of a simple he had undergone, threatened to be reveng- mutineer. This determination was seconded upon his employers, by making a candid ed by another, which he thought absolutely confession of the whole plot; but the lieu- necessary for his own repose, and in which tenant giving him to understand, that, in so his own interest and that of his nephew condoing, he would bring upon himself a prose- curred. cution for fraud, forgery, and imposture, he Peregrine, who was now turned of twelve, was fain to put up with his loss, and sneaked had made such advances under the instruc. out of the garrison, attended with a volley tion of Jennings, that he often disputed upon of curses discharged upon him by the com- grammar, and was sometimes thought to modore, who was exceedingly irritated by have the better in his contests with the the disturbance and disappointment he had parish priest, who, notwithstanding this acundergone. knowledged superiority of his antagonist, did great justice to his genius, which he assured Mr Trunnion would be lost for want of culCHAPTER XV. tivation, if the boy was not immediately sent to prosecute his studies at some proper seThe commodore detects the machinations minary of learning. of the conspirators, and hires a tutor for This maxim had been more than once inPeregrine, whom he settles at Winches- culcated upon the commodore by Mrs Trunter school. nion, who, over and above the deference she paid to the parson's opinion, had a reason THIS was not the least affliction he suffered of her own for wishing to see the house clear from the unwearied endeavours and unex- of Peregrine, at whose prying disposition hausted invention of his tormentors, who she began to be very uneasy. Induced by harassed him with such a variety of mischiev- these motives, which were joined by the soous pranks, that he began to think all the licitation of the youth himself, who ardently devils in hell had conspired against his longed to see a little more of the world, his peace; and accordingly became very serious uncle determined to send him forthwith to and contemplative on the subject. Winchester, under the immediate care and In the course of his meditations, when he inspection of a governor, to whom he allowrecollected and compared the circumstances ed a very handsome appointment for that of every mortification to which he had been purpose. This gentleman, whose name was lately exposed, he could not help suspecting Mr Jacob Jolter, had been school-fellow that some of them must have been contrived with the parson of the parish, who recomto vex him; and, as he was not ignorant of mended him to Mrs Trunnion as a person his lieutenant's disposition, nor unacquaint- of great worth and learning, in every respect ed with the talents of Peregrine, he resolved qualified for the office of a tutor. He liketo observe them both for the future with the wise added, by way of eulogium, that he was utmost care and circumspection. This re- a man of exemplary piety, and particularly solution, aided by the incautious conduct of zealous for the honour of the church, of the conspirators, whom, by this time, suc- which he was a member, having been many cess had rendered heedless and indiscreet, years in holy orders, thougrh he did not then was attended with the desired effect. He in exercise any function of the priesthood. Ina little time detected Periy in a new plot, deed Mr Jolter's zeal was so exceedingly and, by dint of a little chastisement and a fervent, as on some occasions to get the betgreat many threats, extorted from him a ter of his discretion; for, being a high confession of all the contrivances in which churchman, and of consequence a malconhe had been concerned. The commodore tent, his resentment was habituated into an was thunderstruck at the discovery, and so insurmountable prejudice against the present much incensed against Hatchway for the disposition of affairs, which, by confounding part he had acted in the whole, that he de- the nation with the ministry, sometimes led liberated with himself whether he should him into erroneous, not to say absurd, calcudemand satisfaction with sword and pistol, lations; otherwise a man of good morals, well or dismiss him from the garrison, and re- versed in mathematics and school divinity, nounce all friendship with him at once. But studies which had not at all contributed to he had been so long accustomed to Jack's sweeten and unbend the natural sourness company, that he could not live without and severity of his complexion. him; and, upon more cool reflection, per- This gentleman being destined to the ceiving that what he had done was rather charge of superintending Perry's education, the effect of wantonness than malice, which every thing was prepared for their departure; he himself would have laughed to see take and Tom Pipes, in consequence of his own place upon any other person, he determined petition, put into livery, and appointed foot ADVENTURES OF PEREGRINE PICKLE. 63 man to the young squire. But before they little affected with this consideration, he set out, the commodore paid the compliment turned his eye ruefully upon the lieutenant, of communicating his design to Mr Pickle, saying, in a piteous tone. —" WVhat! leave who approved of the plan, though he durst me at last, Jack, after we have weathered so not venture to see the boy; so Inuch was he many hard gales together 3 Damn my limbs! intimidated by the remonstrances of his wife, I thought you had been more of an honest whose adversion to her first-born became heart: I looked upon you as my foremast, every day more inveterate and unaccountable. and Tom Pipes as my mizen; now he is carThis unnatural caprice seemed to be sup- ried away, if so be as you go too, my standported by a consideration which (one would ing rigging being decayed, d'ye see, the first imagine) might have rather vanquished her squall will bring me by the board. Damn disgust. Her second son Gain, who was ye, if in case I have given offence, can't you now in the fourth year of his age, had been speak above board, and I shall make you rickety from the cradle, and as remarkably amends." unpromisinog in appearance as Perry was Jack being ashamed to own the true situagreeable in his person. As the deformity ation of his thoughts, after some hesitation, increased, the mother's fondness was aug- answered with perplexity and incoherence, mented, and the virulence of her hate against -" No, demme! that an't the case neither; the other son seemed to prevail in the same to be sure you always used me in an officerproportion. like manner, that I must own, to give the Far from allowing Perry the common priv- devil his due, as the saying is; but for all that, ileges of a child, she would not suffer him to this here is the case, I have some thoughts approach his father's house, expressed unea- of going to school myself to learn your Latin siness whenever his name happened to be lingo; for, as the saying is, better late mend mentioned, sickened at his praise, and in allre- than never; and I am informed as how one. spects behavedlike a most rancorous step-mo- can get more for the money here than any ther. Though she no longer retained that ri- where else." diculous notion of his being an impostor, she In vain did Trunnion endeavour to constill continued to abhor him, as if she really vince him of the folly of going to school at believed him to be such; and when any per- his years, by representing that the boys would son desired to know the cause of her surpris- make game of him, and that he would become ing dislike, she always lost her temper, and a laughing-stock to all the world; he persistpeevishly replied, that she had reasons of ed in his resolution to stay, and the commoher own, which she was not obliged to de- dore was fain to have recourse to the mediclare; nay, so much was she affected by this tion of Pipes and Perry, who employed vitious partiality, that she broke off all com- their influence with Jack, and at last prevailmerce with her sister-in-law and the commo- ed upon him to return to the garrison, after dore, because they favoured the poor child Trunnion had promised he should be at libwith their countenance and protection. erty to visit them once a month. This stipHer malice, however, was frustrated by ulation being settled, he and his friend took the love and generosity of Trunnion, who, leave of the pupil, governor, and attendant, having adopted him as his own son, equip- and next morning set out for their habitation, ped him accordingly, and carried him and his which they reached in safety that same night. governor in his own coach to the place of Such was Hatchway's reluctance to leave destination, where they were settled on a Peregrine, that he is said, for the first time very genteel footing, and every thing regu- in his life, to have looked misty at parting; lated according to their desires. certain I am, that on the road homewards, Mrs Trunnion behaved with great decency after a long pause of silence, which the comat the departure of her nephew, to whom, modore never dreamed of interrupting, he with a great many pious advicas and inljunc- exclaimed all of a sudden, " I'll be damn'd if tions to behave with submission and rever- the dog han't given me some stuff to make ence towards his tutor, she presented a dia- me love him." Indeed there was something amond ring of small value, and a gold medal, congenial in the disposition of these two as tokens of her affection and esteem. As friends, which never failed to manifest itself for the lieutenant, he accompanied them in in the sequel, howsoever different their eduthe coach; and such was the friendship he cation, circumstances, and connexions haphad contracted for Perry, that, when the pened to be. commodore proposed to return, after having accomplished the intent of his journey, Jack absolutely refused to attend him, and signi- CHAPTER XVI. fled his resolution to stay where he was. Trunnion was -the more startled at this Peregrine distinguishes himself among hzs declaration, as Hatchway was become so school-fellows, exposes his tutor, and atnecessary to him in almost all the purposes tracts the particular notice of the master. of his life, that he foresaw he should not be able to exist without his company. Not a THUS left to the prosecution of his studies, 6 64 SMOLLETT'S SELECT WORKS. Peregrine was in a little time a distinguish- fore went home in a very pensive mood, and, ed character, not only for his acuteness of after mature deliberation, resolved to exposapprehension, but also for that mischievous tulate with Peregrine in the most familiar fertility of fancy, of which we have already terms, and endeavour to dissuade him from given such pregnant examples. But, as there practices which might affect his character as was a great number of such luminaries in this well as interest. He accordingly frankly told new sphere to which he belonged, his talents him the subject of the master's discourse, rewere not so conspicuous, while they shone presented the disgrace he might incur by nein his single capacity, as they afterwards ap- glecting this warning, and, putting him in peared, when they concentered and reflected mind of his own situation, hinted the consethe rays of the whole constellation. quences of the commodore's displeasure, in At first he confined himself to piddling case he should be brought to disapprove of game, exercising his genius upon his own tu- his conduct. These insinuations made the tor, who attracted his attention by endea- greater impression, as they were delivered vouring to season his mind with certain po- with many expressions of friendship and conlitical maxims, the fallacy of which he had cern. The young gentleman was not so discernment enough to perceive. Scarce a raw but that he could perceive the solidity of day passed in which he did not find means to Mr Jolter's advice, to which he promised to render Mr Jolter the object of ridicule; his conform, because his pride was interested in violent prejudices, ludicrous vanity, awkward the affair; and he considered his own reforsolemnity, and ignorance of mankind, afford- mation as the only means of avoiding that ed continual food for the raillery, petulance, infamy which (even in idea) he could not and satire of'his pupil, who never neglected bear. an opportunity of laughing, and making His governor, finding him so reasonable, others laugh, at his expense. profited by these moments of reflection, and, Sometimes, in their parties, by mixing in order to prevent a relapse, proposed that brandy in his wine, he decoyed this peda- he should engage in some delightful study, gogue into a debauch, during which his cau- that would agreeably amuse his imagination, tion forsook him, and he exposed himself to and gradually detach him from those connexthe censure of the company. Sometimes, ions which had involved him in so many when the conversation turned upon intricate troublesome adventures. For this purpose, subjects, he practised upon him the Socratic he, with many rapturous encomiums, recommethod of confutation, and, under pretence mended the mathematics, as yielding more of being informed, by an artful train of puz- rational and sensible pleasure to a youthful zling questions, insensibly betrayed him into fancy than any other subject of contemplat self-contradiction. tion, and actually began to read Euclid with All the remains of authority which he had him that same afternoon. hitherto preserved over Peregrine soon van- Peregrine entered upon this branch of ished; so that, for the future, no sort of cer- learnino with all that warmth of application emony subsisted betwixt them, and all Mr which boys commonly yield on the first Jolter's precepts were conveyed in hints of change of study; but he had scarce advanced friendly -,dvice, which the other might either beyond the pons asinortum when his ardour follow or neglect at his own pleasure. No abated; the test of truth by demonstration wonder then that Peregrine gave a loose to did not elevate him to those transports of his inclinations, and by dint of genius, and joy with which his preceptor had regaled his an enterprising temper, made a figure among expectation; and before he arrived at the forthe younger class of heroes in the school. tieth-and-seventh proposition, he began to Before he had been a full year at Win- yawn drearily, make abundance of wry faces, chester, he had signalized himself in so many and thought himself but indifferently paid for achievements in defiance to the laws and his attention, when he shared the vast disregulations of the place, that he was looked covery of Pythagoras, and understood that upon with admiration, and actually chosen the square of the hypothenuse was equal to dux, or leader, by a large body of his con- the squares of the other two sides of a righttemporaries. It was not long before his angled triangle. He was ashamed, however, fame reached the ears of his master, who to fail in his undertaking, and persevered sent for Mr Jolter, communicated to him with great industry, until he had finished the the informations he had received, and desir- first four books, acquired plain trigonometry, ed him to check the vivacity of his charge, with the method of algebraical calculation, and redouble his vigilance in time to come, and made himself well acquainted with the else he should be obliged to make a public principles of surveying. But no consideraexample of his pupil for the benefit of the tion could prevail upon him to extend his school. inquiries farther in this science, and he reThe governor, conscious of his own unim- turned with double relish to his former avoportance, was not a little disconcerted at this cations, like a stream, which, being dammed, injunction, which it was not in his power to accumulates more force, and bursting over its fillfil by any compulsive means. He there- mounds rushes down with double impetuosity. ADVENTURES OF PEREGRINE PICKLE. 65 Mr Jolter saw with astonishment and cha- low the example, and malke his uncle acgrin, but could not resist the torrent. His quainted with certain anecdotes, which it behaviour was now no other than a series was the governor's interest to keep concealof' license and effronterv; prank succeeded ed. Peregrine was of opinion that he should prank, and outrage followed outrage, with spare himself the trouble of conveying any surprising velocity. Complaints were every complaints to the commodore; and if quesday preferred against him; in vain were ad- tioned by the master, assure him he had monitions bestowed by the governor in pri- complied with his desire; at the same time Vate, and menaces discharged bv the masters he promised faithfully to conduct himself in public; ihe disregarded the first,,despised with such circumspection for the future, that the latter, divested himself of all manner of' the, masters should have no temptation to rerestraint, and proceeded in his career to such vive the inquiry. But the resolution attenda pitch of audacity, that a consultation was ing this extorted promise was too frail to held upon the subject, in which it was deter- last, and, in less than a fortnight, our young mined that this untoward spirit should be hero found himself entangled in an adventure, humbled by a severe and ignominious flog- from which he was not extricated with his ging for the very next offence he should usual good fortune. commit. In the mean time, Mr Jolter was desired to write, in the master's name, to the commodore, requesting him to remove CHAPTER XVII. Tom Pipes from the person of his nephew, the said Pipes being a principal actor and lie is concerned in a dangerous adventure abettor in all his malversations; and to put with a certain gardener-sublimes his a stop to the monthly visitations of the mu- ideas, commences gallant, and becomes ilated lieutenant, who had never once failed acquainted with Miss Emily Gauntlet. o use his permission, but came punctual to, day, always fraught with some new inven- HE and some of his companions one day en-;ion. Indeed, by this time, Mr Hatchway tered a garden in the suburbs, and, having was as well known, and much better beloved, indulged their appetites, desired to know by every boy in the school, than the master what satisfaction they must make for the who instructed him, and always received by fruit they had pulled. The gardener demanda number of scholars, who used to attend ed what (in their opinion) was an exorbitant Peregrine when he went forth to meet his price, and they, with many opprobrious terms, friend, and conduct him to his lodging with refused to pay it. The peasant being surly public testimonies of joy and applause. and untractable, insisted upon his right; neiAs for Tom Pipes, he was not so properly ther was he deficient nor sparing in the elothe attendant of Peregrine, as master of the quence of vulgar abuse. His guests attempted revels to the whole school. He mingled in to retreat; a scuffle ensued, in which Pereall their parties, and superintended their di- grine lost his cap; and the gardener, being versions, deciding between boy and boy, as if in danger from the number of his foes, called he acted by commission under the great seal. to his wife to let loose the dog, who instantly He regulated their motions by his whistle, flew to his master's assistance, and, after instructed the young boys in the games of having tore the leg of one, and the~ shoulder hustle-cap, leap-frog, and chuck-farthing; of another, put the whole body of the schoimparted to those of a more advanced age lars to flight. Enraged at the indignity which the sciences of cribbage and all-fours, toge- had been offered them, they solicited a reinther with the method of storming the castle, forcement of their friends, and, with Tom acting the comedy of Prince Arthur, and other Pipes at their head, marched back to the field pantomimes, as they are commonly exhibited of battle. Their adversary, seeing them apat sea; and instructed the seniors, who were proach, called his apprentice, who worked at distinguished by the appellation of bloods, in the other end of the ground, to his assistant e, cudgel playing, dancing the St Giles's horn- armed him with a mattock, while himself pipe, drinking flip, and smoking tobacco. wielded a hoe, bolted his door on the inside, These qualifications had rendered him so and, flanked with his man and mastiff, waited necessary and acceptable to the scholars, the attack without flinching. He had not rethat, exclusive of Perry's concern in the af- mained three minutes in his posture of defair, his dismission, in all probability, would fence, when Pipes, who acted as the enemy's have produced some dangerous convulsion in forlorn hope, advanced to the gate with great the community. Jolter, therefore, knowing intrepidity, and clapping his foot to the dotr, his importance, informed his pupil of the di- which was none of the stoutest, with the exrections he had received, and very candidly ecution and despatch of a petard, split it into asked how he should demean himself in the a thousand pieces. This sudden execution execution, for he durst not write to the com- had an immediate effect upon the'prentice, modore without this previous notice, fearing who retreated with great precipitation, and that the young gentleman, as soon as he escaped at a postern. But the master placed should get an inkling of the affair, would fol- himself, like another Hercules, in the breach; I 66 SMOLLETT'S SELECT WORKS. and when Pipes, brandishing his cudgel, step- fleam, blooded him plentifully as he lay. He ped forward to engage him, levelled his wea- was then conveyed to his bed, from which he pon with such force and dexterity at his head, was not able to stir during a whole month. that, had the scull been made of penetrable His family coming upon the parish, a formal stuff, the iron edge must have cleft his pate complaint was made to the master of the in twain. Casemated as he was, the instru- school, and Peregrine represented as the ment cut sheer even to the bone, on which ringleader of those who committed this barit struck with such amazing violence, that barous assault. An inquiry was immediately sparks of real fire were produced by the col- set on foot, and the articles of impeachmeit lision. And let not the incredulous reader being fully proved, our hero was sentenced pretend to doubt the truth of this phenome- to be severely chastised in the face of the non, until he shall have first perused the in- whole school. This was a disgrace, the genious Peter Kolben's Natural History of thoughts of which his proud heart could not the Cape of Good Hope, where the inhabi- brook. He resolved to make his elopement tants commonly use to strike fire with the rather than undergo the punishment to which shin-bones of lions, which have been killed he was doomed; and having signified his senin that part of Africa. timents to his confederates, they promised, Pipes, though a little disconcerted, far one and all, to stand by him, and either from being disabled by the blow, in a trice screen him from the chastisement, o share retorted the compliment with his truncheon, his fate. which, had not his antagonist expeditiously Confiding in this friendly protestation, he slipped his head aside, would have laid hinm appeared unconcerned on the day that was breathless across his own threshold; but hap- appointed for his punishment; and, when he pily for him, he received the salutation upon was called to his destiny, advanced towardshis right shoulder, which crashed beneath the the scene, attended by the greatest part o stroke, and the hoe dropped instantly from the scholars, who intimated their determine his tingling hand. Tom perceiving, and be- tion to the master, and proposed that Pere ing unwilling to forego the advantage he had grine should be forgiven. The superior begained, darted his head into the bosom of haved with that dignity of demeanor which this son of earth, and overturned him on the became his place, represented the folly and plain, being himself that instant assaulted by presumption of their demand, reprehended the mastiff, who fastened upon the outside them for their audacious proceeding, and of his thigh. Feeling himself incommoded ordered every boy to his respective station. by this assailant in his rear, he quitted the They obeyed his command, and our unfortu. prostrate gardener to the resentment of his nate hero was publicly horsed in terrorem associates, who poured upon him in shoals, of all whom it might concern. and, turning about, laid hold with both his This disorace had a very sensible effect hands of this ferocious animal's throat, which upon the mind of Peregrine, who, having by he seized with such incredible force and per- this time passed the fourteenth year of his severance, that the creature quitted his hold, age, began to adopt the pride and sentiments his tongue lolled out of his jaws, the blood of a man. Thus dishonourably stigmatized, started from his eyes, and he swung a lifeless he was ashamed to appear in public as usual; trunk between the hands of his vanquisher. he was incensed against his companions for It was well for his master that he did not their infidelity and irresolution, and plunged longer exist! for by this time he was over- into a profound reverie that lasted several whelmed by such a multitude of foes, that weeks, during which he shook off his boyish his whole body scarce afforded points of con- connexions, and fixed his view upon objects tact to all the fists that drummed upon it; which he thought more worthy of his attenconsequently, to use a vulgar phrase, his tion. wind was almost knocked out, before Pipes In the course of his gymnastic exercises, had leisure to interpose in his behalf, and at which he was very expert, he contracted persuade his offenders to desist, by repre- intimacies with several youths who were senting that his wife had gone to alarm the greatly his superiors in point of age, and neighbourhood, and that in all probability who, pleased with his aspiring genius and they would be intercepted in their return. address, introduced him into parties of galThey accordingly listened to his remon- lantry, which strongly captivated his inchistrances, and marched homewards in tri- nation. He was by nature particularly adaptumph, leaving the gardener in the embraces ed for succeeding in adventures of this kind: of his mother earth, from which he had not over and above a most engaging person, that power to move when he was found by his improved with his years, he possessed a digdisconsolate helpmate and some friends, nified assurance, and agreeable ferocity, whom she had assembled for his assistance. which enhanced the conquest of the fair who Among these was a blacksmith and a farrier, had the good fortune to enslave him, unlimwho took cognizance of his carcass, every ited generosity, and a fund of humour which limb of which having examined, he declared never failed to please. Nor was he deficient there was no bone broke, and, taking out his in the more solid accomplishments of youth: ADVENTURES OF PEREGRINE PICKLE. 67 he lad profited in his studies beyond expec- blue eyes beamed forth vivacity and love. tation; and besides that sensibility of dis- Her mien was at the same time commandcernmlent which is the foundation of taste, ing and engaging, her address perfectly genand in consequence of which he distinguish- teel, and her whole appearance so captivated and enjoyed the beauties of the classics, ing, that our young Adonis looked, and was he had already given several specimens of a overcome. very promising poetic talent. He no sooner recollected himself from his WTith this complexion and these qualifica- astonishment, than he advanced to her with tions, no wonder that our hero attracted the a graceful air of respect, and begged she iotice and affections of the young Delias in would do him the honour to walk a minuet 1town, whose hearts had just begun to flutter with him. She seemed particularly pleased'for they knew not what. Inquiries were with this application, and very frankly commade concerning his condition; and no plied with his request. The pair was too sooner were his expectations known, than remarkable to escape the particular notice he was invited and caressed by all the pa- of the company; Mr Pickle was well known rents, while their daughters vied with each by almost every body in the room; but his other in treating him with particular com- partner was altogether a new face, and of placency. He inspired love and emulation consequence underwent the criticism of all wherever he appeared; envy and jealous the ladies in the assembly; one whispered, rage followed of course: so that he became I she has a good complexion, but don't you a very desirable, though a very dangerous think she is a little awry?' a second pitied acquaintance. His moderation was not her for her masculine nose; a third observed equal to his success: his vanity took the that she was awkward for want of seeing cad of his passions, dissipating his atten- company; a fourth distinguished something ion, which might otherwise have fixed him very bold in her countenance; and, in short, o one object; and he was possessed with there was not a beauty in her whole compo"he rage of increasing the number of his con- sition which the glass of envy did not per quests. WTith this view he frequented pub- vert into a blemish. lic walks, concerts, and assemblies, became The men, however, looked upon her with remarkably rich and fashionable in his clothes, different eyes: among them her appearance gave entertainments to the ladies, and was produced an universal murmur of applause: in the utmost hazard of turning out a most they encircled the space in which she danced, egregious coxcomb. and were enchanted by her graceful motion. While hiis character thus wavered between While they launched out in the praise of the ridicule of some and the regard of others, her, they expressed their displeasure at the an accident happened, which, by contracting good fortune of her partner, whom they his view to one object, detached him from damned for a little finical coxcomb, that was those vain pursuits that would in time have too much engrossed by the contemplation of plunged him into the abyss of folly and con- his own person to discern or deserve the fatempt. Being one evening at the ball which vour of his fate. He did not hear, therefore is always given to the ladies at the time of could not repine at these invectives; but the races, the person who acted as master while they imagined he indulged his vanity, of the ceremonies, knowing how fond Mr a much more generous passion had taken Pickle was of every opportunity to display possession of his heart. himself, came up and told him that there was Instead of that petulance of gaiety for a fine young creature at the other end of the which he had been distinguished in his pubroom, who seemed to have a great inclina- lic appearance, he now gave manifest signs tion to dance a minuet, but wanted a partner, of confusion and concern; he danced with the gentleman who attended her being in an anxiety which impeded his performance, boots. and blushed to the eyes at every false step Peregrine's vanity being aroused at this he made. Though this extraordinary agitaintimation, he went up to reconnoitre the tion was overlooked by the men, it could not young lady, and was struck with admiration escape the observation of the ladies, who at her beauty. She seemed to be of his own perceived it with equal surprise and resentage, was tall, and, though slender, exquisite- ment: and when Peregrine led this fair unly shaped; her hair was auburn, and in such known to her seat, expressed their pique in plenty, that the barbarity of dress had not been an affected titter, which broke from every able to prevent it from shading both sides of mouth at the same instant, as if all of them her forehead, which was high and polished; had been informed by the same spirit. the contour of her face was oval, her nose very Peregrine was nettled at this unmannerly little raised in the aquiline form, that contri- mark of disapprobation, and, in order to inbuted to the spirit and dignity of her aspect; crease their chagrin, endeavored to enter inher mouth was small, her lips plump, juicy, to particular conversation with their fair and delicious, her teeth regular and white as rival. The young lady herself, who neither the driven snow, her complexion incredibly wanted penetration, nor the consciousness delicate, and glowing with health, and her full of her own accomplishments, resented their 6* 68 SMOLLETT'S SELECT WORKS. behaviour, though she triumphed in the cause lantry, and very obligingly assured him, iadt, of it; and gave her partner all the encour- were she to live in that place, she should be agement lie could desire. Her mother, who glad to see him often; but, as the spot on was present, thanked him for his civility, in which she resided was at a considerable distaking such notice of a stranger, and he re- tance, she could not expect he would go so far ceived a compliment of the same nature from upon such a trifling occasion, as to take the the young gentleman in boots, who was her trouble of providing himself with her mamown brother. ma's permission. If he was charmed with her appearance, To this favourable hint he answered with he was quite ravished with her discourse, all the eagerness of the most fervid passion, which was sensible, spirited, and gay. Her that he had uttered nothing but the genuine frank and sprightly demeanour excited his dictates of his heart; that he desired nothing own confidence and good humour; and he so much as an opportunity of evincing the described to her the characters of those fe- sincerity of his professions; and that though males who had honoured them with such a she lived at the extremity of the kingdom, spiteful mark of distinction, in terms so re- he would find means to lay himself at her plete with humorous satire, that she seemed feet, provided he could visit her with her to listen with particular complacency of at- mother's consent, which he assured her he tention, and distinguished every nymph thus would not fail to solicit. ridiculed with such a significant glance, as She then gave him to understand, that her overwhelmed her with chagrin and mortifi- habitation was about sixteen miles from cation. In short, they seemed to relish each Winchester, in a village which she named, other's conversation; during which our and where (as he could easily collect from young Damon acquitted himself with great her discourse) he would be no unwelcornme skill in all the duties of gallantry; he laid guest. hold of proper opportunities to express his In the midst of this communication they admiration of her charms, had recourse to were joined by Mrs Gauntlet, who received the silent rhetoric of tender looks, breathed him with great courtesy, thanking him again divers insidious sighs, and attached himself for his politeness to Emny at the ball, and wholly to her during the remaining part of anticipated his intentions, by saying that she the entertainment. should be very glad to see him at her house, When the company broke up, he attended if ever his occasions should call him that her to her lodgings, and took leave of her way. with a squeeze of the hand, after having obtained permission to visit her next morning, and been informed by the mother that her CHAPTER XVII1I. name was Miss Emilia Gauntlet. All night long he closed not an eye, but He inquires into the situation of this young amused himself with plans of pleasure, lady, with whom he is enamoured-elopes which his imagination suggested, in conse- from school-is found by the lieutenant, quence of this new acquaintance. He rose conveyed to Winchester, and sends a letwith the lark, adjusted his hair into an ter with a copy of verses to his mistress. agreeable negligence of curl, and, dressing himself in a genteel grey frock, trimmed HE was transported with pleasure at this with silver binding, waited with the utmost invitation, which he assured her he should impatience for the hour of ten, which no not neglect; and, after a little more conversooner struck than he hied him to the place sation on general topics, took his leave of of appointment, and, inquiring for Miss the charming Emilia, and her prudent mainGauntlet, was shown into a parlour. Here ma, who had perceived the first emotions of he had not waited above ten minutes, when Mr Pickle's passion for her daughter, and Emilia entered, in a most enchanting un- been at some pains to inquire about his dress, with all the graces of nature playing family and fortune. about her person, and in a moment rivetted Neither was Peregrine less inquisitive the chains of his slavery beyond the power about the situation and pedigree of his new of accident to unbind. mistress, who, he learned, was the only Her mother being still a-bed, and her daughter of a field officer, who died before brother gone to give orders about the chaise, he had it in his power to make a suitable in which they proposed to return that same provision for his children; that the widow day to their own habitation, he enjoyed her lived in a frugal, though decent manner, company tete-a-tete a whole hour, during on her pension, assisted by the bounty of hei which he declared his love in the most pas- relations; that the son carried arms as a sionate terms, and begged that he might be volunteer in the company which his father admitted into the number of those admirers had commanded; and that Emilia had been whom she permitted to visit and adore her. educated in London at the expense of a rich She affected to look upon his vows and uncle, who was seized with the whim of marprotestations as the ordinary effects of gal- rying at the age of fifty-five; m conse ADVENTURES OF PEREGRINE PICKLE. 69 quenc-e of which, his niece had returned to of little copses and lawns, watered by a most her mother, without any visible dependence, romantic stream, that quite enchanted the except on her own conduct and qualifica- imagination of Peregrine. tions. It was late before they returned from this This account, though it could not dimin- agreeable excursion; and'when our lover ish his affection, nevertheless alarmed his wished the ladies good night, Mrs Gauntlet prilde; for his warm imagination had exag- insisted upon his staying to supper, and gerated all his own prospects; and he began treated him with particular demonstrations to`ear that his passion for Emilia might be of regard and affection. As her economy th)ught to derogate from the dignity of his was not encumbered with an unnecessary situation: the struggle between his interest number of domestics, her own presence was ard love produced a perplexity which had often required in different parts of the house; an evident effect upon his behaviour; he be- so that the young gentleman was supplied came pensive, solitary, and peevish, avoided with frequent opportunities of promoting his all public diversions, and grew so remarka- suit, by all the tender oaths and insinuations bly negligent in his dress, that he was scarce that his passion could suggest. He protestdistinguishable by his own acquaintance. ed her idea had taken such entire possession This contention of thoughts continued seve- cf his heart, that finding himself unable to ral weeks, at the end of which the charms support her absence one day longer, he had of Emilia triumphed over every other con- quitted his studies, and left his governor by sideration. Having received a supply of stealth, that he might visit the object of his money from the commodore, who acted to- adoration, and be blessed in her company'for wards him with great generosity, he ordered a few days without interruption. )ipes to put up some linen and other neces- She listened to his addresses with such aries in a sort of knapsack, which he could affability as denoted approbation and delight, conveniently carry, and, thus attended, set and gently chid him as a thoughtless truant, out early one morning on foot for the village but carefully avoided the confession of a muwhere his charmer lived, at which he arrived tual flame; because she discerned, in the before two o'clock in the afternoon; having midst of all his tenderness, a levity of pride chosen this method of travelling, that his which she durst not venture to trust with route might not be so easily discovered, as such a declaration. Perhaps she was conit must have been had he hired horses, or firmed in this caution by her mother, who taken a place in the stage-coach. very wisely, in her civilities to him, mainThe first thing he did was to secure a con- tained a sort of ceremonious distance, which, venient lodging at the inn where he dined; she thought not only requisite for the honou then he shifted himself, and, according to the and interest of the family, but likewise fo. direction he had received, went to the house her own exculpation, should she ever be taxof Mrs Gauntlet in a transport of joyous ex- ed with having encouraged or abetted him in pectation. As he approached the gate, his the imprudent sallies of his youth; yet, notagitation increased, he knocked with impa- withstanding this affected reserve, he was tience and concern, the door opened, and he treated with such distinction by both, that he had actually asked if Mrs Gauntlet was at was ravished with his situation, and became home, before he perceived that the portress more and more enamoured every day. was no other than his dear Emilia. She While he remained under the influence of was not without emotion at the unexpected this sweet intoxication, his absence produced sight of her lover, who instantly recognising great disturbance at Winchester. Mr Jolter his charmer, obeyed the irresistible impulse was grievously afflicted at his abrupt deof his love, and caught the fair creature in parture, which alarmed him the more, as it his arms. Nor did she seem offended at his happened after a long fit of melancholy forwardness of behaviour, which might have which he had perceived in his pupil. He displeased another of a less open disposition, communicated his apprehensions to the masor less used to the freedom of a sensible ter of the school, who advised him to apprise education; but her natural frankness had the commodore of his nephew's disappearbeen encouraged and improved by the easy ance, and, in the mean time, inquire at all and familiar intercourse in which she had the inns in town, whether he had hired been bred; and therefore, instead of repri- horses, or any sort of carriage for his conmanding him with a severity of look, she veyance, or was met with on the road by any with great good humour rallied him upon his person who could give an account of the diassurance, which, she observed, was un- rection in which he travelled. doubtedlv the effect of his own conscious This scrutiny, though performed with great merit, and conducted him into a parlour, diligence and minuteness, was altogether inwhere he found her mother, who, in very effectual; they could obtain no intelligence polite terms, expressed her satisfaction at of the runaway. Mr Trunnion was well nigh seeing him within her house. distracted at the news of his flight; he raved After tea, Miss Emy proposed an evening with great fury at the imprudence of Perewalk, which they enjoyed through a variety grine, whom, in his first transports, he 70 SMOLLETT'S SELECT WVORKS. damned as an ungrateful deserter; then he Peregrine having taken leave of his mistress cursed Hatchway and Pipes, who he swore for the night, came home, and was not a had foundered the lad by their pernicious little surprised when Hatchway, entering counsels; and, lastly, transferred his execra- his chamber in his sea attitude, thrust out tions upon Jolter, because he had not kept his hand by way of salutation. His old puabetter look-out; finally, he made an apos- pil received him, as usual, with great cortrophe to that son of a bitch the gout, which diality, and expressed his astonishment at for the present disabled him from searching meeting him in that place; but when he unfor his nephew in person. That he might derstood the cause and intention of his arnot, however, neglect any means in his rival, he started with concern, and, his vis tge power, he immediately dispatched expresses glowing with indignation, told him he swas to all the sea-port towns on that coast, that old enough to be judge of his own conduct,'he mlight be prevented from leaving the king- and, when he should see it convenient, would dom; and the lieutenant, at his own desire, return of himself; but those who thou'ght ha was sent across the country, in quest of this was to be compelled to his duty would fin( young fugitive. themselves egregiously mistaken. Four days had he unsuccessfully carried The lieutenant assured him, that, for his on his inquiries with great accuracy, when, own part, he had no intention to offer him the resolving to return by Winchester, where he least violence; but at the same time he rehoped to meet with some hints of intelli- presented to him the danger of incensing the geice by which he might profit in his future commodore, who was already almost dissearch, he struck off the common road to tracted on account of his absence; and, in take the benefit of a nearer cut, and finding short, conveyed his arguments, which wert himself benighted near a village, took up his equally obvious and valid, in such expressioi. lodgings at the first inn to which his horse of friendship and respect, that Peregrir directed him. Having bespoke something yielded to his remonstrances, and promise( for supper, and retired to his chamber, where. to accompany him next day to Winchester. he amused himself with a pipe, he heard a Hatchway, overjoyed at the success of his confused noise of rustic jollity, which being negotiation, went immediately to the hostler, all of a sudden interrupted, after a short and bespoke a post-chaise for Mr Pickle and pause his ear was saluted with the voice of his man, with whom he afterwards indulged Pipes, who, at the solicitation of the com- himself in a double cann of rumbo, and, pany, began to entertain them with a song. when the night was pretty far advanced, left Hatchway instantly recognised the well- the lover to his repose, or rather to the known sound, in which indeed he could not thorns of his own meditation; for he slept possibly be mistaken, as nothing in nature not one moment, being incessantly tortured bore the least resemblance to it; he threw with the prospect of parting from his divine his pipe into the chimney, and snatching up Emilia, who had now acquired the most abone of his pistols, ran immediately to the solute empire over his soul. One minute he apartment from whence the voice issued. proposed to depart early in the morning, He no sooner entered, than distinguishing without seeing this enchantress, in whose his old ship-mate in a crowd of country pea- bewitching presence he durst not trust his sants, he in a moment sprung upon him, and own resolution. Then the thoughts of leavclapping his pistol to his breast, exclaimed, ing her in such an abrupt and disrespectful "Damn you, Pipes, you are a dead man, manner interposed in favour of his love and if you don't immediately produce young honour. This war of sentiments kept him master." all night upon the rack, and it was time to This menacing application had a much rise before he had determined to visit his greater effect upon the company than upon charmer, and candidly impart the motives Tom, who looking at the lieutenant with that induced him to leave her. great tranquillity, replied, " Why, so I can, He accordingly repaired to her mother's Mr Hatchway." "What! safe and sound?" house with a heavy heart, being attended to cried the other. " As a roach," answered the gate by Hatchway, who did not choose Pipes; and so much to the satisfaction of to leave him alone; and, being admitted, his friend Jack, that he shook him by the found Emilia just risen, and, in his opinion, hand, ard desired him to proceed with his more beautiful than ever. song. This being performed, and the reck- Alarmed at his early visit, and the gloom oning discharged, the two friends adjourned that overspread his countenance, she stood to the other room, where the lieutenant was in silent expectation of hearing some melaninformed of the manner in which the young choly tidings; and it was not till after a congentleman had made his elopement from siderable pause that he collected resolution college, as well as of the other particulars enough to tell her he was come to take his of his present situation, as far as they had leave. Though she strove to conceal her fallen within the sphere of the relator's com- sorrow, nature'was not to be suppressed: prehension. every feature of her countenance saddened While they sat thus conferring togetber,: in a moment, and it was not Without the ADVENTURES OF PEREGRINE PICKLE. 71 utmost difficulty that she kept her lovely eyes I. from overflowing. He saw the situation of Adieu, ye streams that smoothly flow, her thoughts, and, in order to alleviate her Ye vernal airs thait softly blow, concern, assured her he should find means Ye plains by blooming spring array'd, to see her again in a very few weeks; mean- Ye birds that warble through the shade. while ie communicated his reasons for de- I. parting, in which she readily acquiesced; Unhurt from you my soul could fly, and laving mutually consoled each other, Nor drop one tear, nor heave one sigh; their transports of grief subsided, and before But fore'd from Celia's charms to part, Mrs Gauntlet came down stairs, they were All joy deserts my drooping heart. in a.ondition to behave with great decency and:esignation.. and:esignation. 0! fairer than the rosy morn, T'his good lady expressed her concern fairer than the dewy fields adorn; when she learned his resolution, saying, she Unsullied as the genial ray hoped his occasions and inclination would That warms the balmy breeze of May i nprmit him to favour them with his agreeable company another time. IV. The lieutenant, who began to be uneasy at Thy charms divinely bright appear, Peregrine's stay, knocked at the door, and And add new splendor to the year; being introduced by his friend, had the ho- Improve the day with fresh delight, And gild with joy the dreary night! nour of breakfasting with the ladies; on wh;>h occasion his heart received such a rude This juvenile production was inclosed in a shodc from the charms of Emilia, that he very tender billet to Emilia, and committed afterwards made a merit with his friend of to the charge of Pipes, who was ordered to havig constrained himself so far as to for- set out for Mrs Gauntlet's habitation, with a bea. commencing his professed rival. present of venison, and a compliment to the -t length they bade adieu to their kind ladies; and directed to take some opportuenertainers, and in less than an hour setting nity of delivering the letter to miss, without ou; from the inn, arrived about two o'clock the knowledge of her mamma. irWinshester, where Mr Jolter was overvaelimed with joy at their appearance. The nature of this adventure being un- CHAPTER XIX. hown to all except those who could be de-,ended upon, every body who inquired about His messenger meets with a misfortune, to a cause of Peregrine's absence was told which he applies a very extraordinary,hat he had been with a relation in the coun- expedient, that is attended with strange try, and the master condescended to over- consequences. look his indiscretion; so that Hatchway, seeing every thing settled to the satisfaction As the stage-coach passed within two miles of his friend, returned to the garrison, and of the village where she lived, Tom bargaingave the commodore an account of his ex- ed with the driver for a seat on the box, pedition. and accordingly departed on this message, The old gentleman was very much start- though he was indifferently qualified for led when he heard there was a lady in the commissions of such a nature. Haviig re. case; and very emphatically observed, that ceived particular injunctions about the letter, a man had better be sucked into the Gulf of he resolved to make that the chief object of Florida, than once get into the indraught of his care, and very sagaciously conveyed it bea woman; because, in one case, he may tween his stocking and the sole of his foot, with good pilotage bring out his vessel safe where he thought it would: be perfectly sebetween the Bahamas and the Indian shore; cure from all injury and accident. Here it but in the other there is no outlet at all, and remained until he arrived at the inn where it is in vain to strive against the current; so he had formerly lodged, when, after having that of course he must be embayed, and run refreshed himself with a draught of beer, he chuck upon a lee-shore. He resolved, there- pulled off his stocking, and found the poor fore, to lay the state of the case before Mr billet sullied with dust, and torn in a thouGamaliel Pickle, and concert such measures sand tatters by the motion of his foot in walkwith him as should be thought likeliest to ing the last two miles of his journey. Thun. detach his son from the pursuit of an idle derstruck at this phenomenon, he uttered a amour, which could not fail of interfering in long and loud whew! which was succeeded a dangerous manner with the plan of his by an exclamation of" Damn my old shoes! education. a bite by God!" Then he rested his elbows In the mean time, Perry's ideas were to- on the table, and his forehead upon his two tally engrossed by his amiable mistress, who, fists, and in that attitude deliberated with whether he slept or waked, was still present himself upon the means of remedying this in his imagination; which produced the fol- misfortune.'owing stanzas in her praise. As he was not distracted by a vast number 72 SMOLLETT'S SELECT WORKS. of ideas, he soon concluded that his best "DIVINE EIMPRESS OF MY SOUL! expedient would be to employ the clerk of "If the refulgent flames of your beauty had the parish, who he knew was a great scho- not evaporated the particles of my transport lar, to write another epistle according to the ed brain, and scorched my intellects into a directions he should give him; never dream- cinder of stolidity, perhaps the resplendency ing that the mangled original would in the of my passion might shine illustrious through least facilitate the scheme, he very wisely the sable curtain of my ink, and in sublimity committed it to the flames, that it might transcend the galaxy itself, though wasted on never rise up in judgment against him. the pinions of a grey goose quill! BLt, ah! Having taken this wise step, he went in celestial enchantress! the necromancyofthy quest of the scribe, to whom he communicat- tyrannical charms hath fettered my fa ulties ed his business, and promised a full pot by with adamantine chains, which, unles3 thy way of gratification. The clerk, who was compassion shall melt, I must eternally realso schoolmaster, proud of an opportunity main in the Tartarian gulph of dismal despair. to distinguish his talents, readily undertook Vouchsafe, therefore, 0 thou brightest lunithe task; and repairing with his employer to nary of this terrestrial sphere! to warm 3.s the inn, in less than a quarter of an hour well as shine; and let the genial rays of ti y produced a morsel of eloquence so much to benevolence melt the icy emanations of thy the satisfaction of Pipes, that he squeezed disdain, which hath frozen up the spirits ot. his hand by way of acknowledgment, and angelic pre-enlinence! thy most egregious doubled his allowance of beer. This being admirer and superlative slave, discussed, our courier betook himself to the " PEREGRINE PICKLE, " house of Mrs Gauntlet, with the haunch of Never was astonishment more perplexing venison and this succedaneous letter, and de- than that of Emilia, when she read this culivered his message to the mother, who re- rious composition, which she repeater verceived it with great respect, and many kind batim three times before she would ~edit inquiries about the health and welfare of his the evidence of her own senses. She bean master, attempting to tip the messenger a to fear in good earnest that love had procrown, which he absolutely refused to accept, duced a disorder in her lover's understaidin consequence of Mr Pickle's repeated cau- ing; but after a thousand conjectures, my tion. While the old gentlwoman turned to which she attempted to account for this ea servant, in order to give directions about traordinary fustian of style, she concludd the disposal of the present, Pipes looked that it was the effect of mere levity, calcm upon this as a favourable occasion to trans- lated to ridicule the passion he had formerl act his business with Emilia; and therefore professed. Irritated by this supposition, shutting one eye, with a jerk of his thumb to- resolved to baulk his triumph with affectu wards his left shoulder, and a most signifi- indifference, and, in the mean time, endeacant twist of his countenance, he beckoned vour to expel him from that place which he the young lady into another room, as if he possessed within her heart; and, indeed, such had been fraught with something of conse- a victory over her inclinations might have quence which he wanted to impart. She been obtained without great difficulty; for understood the hint, howsoever strangely she enjoyed an easiness of temper that could communicated, and, by stepping to one side accommodate itself to the emergencies of her of the room, gave him an opportunity of slip- fate; and her vivacity, by amusing her imping the epistle into her hand, which he agination, preserved her from the keener sen. gently squeezed at the same time in token sations of sorrow. Thus determined and of regard; then throwing a side glance at the disposed, she did not send any sort of answer, mother, whose back was turned, clapped his or the least token of remembrance by Pipes, finger on the side of his nose, thereby recom- who was suffered to depart with a general mending secrecy and discretion. compliment from the mother, and arrived at Emilia, conveying the letter into her bosom, Winchester the next day. could not help smiling at Tom's politeness Peregrine's eyes sparkled when he saw and dexterity; but lest her mamma should de- his messenger come in, and he stretched out tect him in the execution of his pantomime, his hand in full confidence of receiving some she broke off this intercourse of signs, by ask- particular mark of his Emilia's affection; but ing aloud when he proposed to set out on his how was he confounded, when he found his return to Winchester. When he answered, hope so cruelly disappointed! In an instant " to-morrow morning," Mrs Gauntlet recom- his countenance fell. He stood for some mended him to the hospitality of her own time silent and abashed, then thrice repeatfootman, desiring him to make much of Mr ed the interrogation of " What! not one Pipes below, where he was kept to supper, word from Emilia?" and dubious of his couand very cordially entertained. Our young rier's discretion, inquired minutely into all the heroine, impatient to read her lover's billet, particulars of his reception. He asked if he which made her heart throb with rapturous had seen the young lady; if she was in good expectation, retired to hefr chamber as soon health; if he had found an opportunity of deas possible, with a view of perusing the con- livering his letter, and how she looked when tents, which were these: — he put it into her hand 3 Pipes answered that ADVENTURES OF PEREGRINE PICKLE. 73 he had never seen her in better health or she never heard his name mentioned since higher spirits; that he had managed matters his departure with any degree of temper or so as rot only to present the billet unper- tranquillity, except when her husbandinformceived but also to ask her commands in pri- ed her that he was in a fair way of being ruvate before he took his leave, when she told ined by this indiscreet amour. It was then him t!hat the letter required no reply. This she began to applaud her own foresight, last circumstance he considered as a manifest which had discerned the mark of reprobation mark of disrespect, and gnawed his lips with in that vicious boy, and launched out in comresentment. Upon further reflection, how- parison between him and Gammy, who, she ever, he supposed that she could not conve- observed, was a child of uncommon parts nient y write by the messenger, and would and solidity, and, with the blessing of God, undoubtedly favour him by the post. This would be a comfort to his parents, and an orconsideration consoled him for the present, nament to the family. and he waited impatiently for the fruits of Should I affirm that this favourite, whom his hope; but after he had seen eight days she commended so much, was in every reelapsed without reaping the satisfaction with spect the reverse of what she described; that which he had flattered himself, his temper he was a boy of mean capacity, and, though forsook him, he raved against the whole sex, remarkably distorted in his body, much more and was seized with a fit of sullen chagrin; crooked in his disposition; and that she had but his pride in a little time came to his as- persuaded her husband to espouse her opinion, sistaace and rescued him from the horrors of though it was contrary to common sense, as the melancholy fiend. He resolved to retort well as to his own perception;-I am afraid her own neglect upon his ungrateful mis- the reader will think I represent a monster that tress; his countenance gradually resumed its never existed in nature, and be apt to condemn former serenity; and though by this time he the economy of my invention; nevertheless, was pretty well cured of his foppery, he ap- there is nothing more true than every cirpeared again at public diversions with an air cumstance of what I have advanced; and I of ~aietv and unconcern, that Emilia might wish the picture, singular as it is, may not have a chance of hearing how much, in all be thought to resemble more than one original. likelihood, he disregarded her disdain. There are never wanting certain officious persons, who take pleasure in promoting in- CHAPTER XX. telligence of this sort. His behaviour soon reached the ears of Miss Gauntlet, and con- Peregrine is summoned to attend his uncle fir iled her in the opinion she had conceived -is more and more hated by his own mof:om his letter; so that she fortified herself ther-appeals to his father, whose condein her former sentiments, and bore his indif- scension is defeated by the dominion of ference with great philosophy. Thus a cor- his wife. respondence which had commenced with all the tenderness and sincerity of love, and BUT, waving these reflections, let us return every promise of duration, was interrupted in to Peregrine, who received a summons to atits infancy by a misunderstanding occasioned tend his uncle, and in a few days arrived by the simplicity of Pipes, who never once with Mr Jolter and Pipes at the garrison, reflected upon the consequences of his deceit. which he filled with joy and satisfaction. Though their mutual passion was by those The alteration which, during his absence, means suppressed for the present, it was not had happened in his person, was very faaltogether extinguished, but glowed in secret, vourable in his appearance, which, from that though even to themselves unknown, until of a comely boy, was converted into that of an occasion, which afterwards offered, blew a most engaging youth. He was already up the latent flame, and love resumed his em- taller than a middle-sized man, his shape aspire in their breasts. certained, his sinews well knit, his mien While they moved, as it were, without the greatly improved, and his whole figure as elesphere of each other's attraction, the com- gant and graceful as if he had been cast in modore, fearing that Perry was in danger of the same mould with the Apollo of Belvidere. involving himself in some pernicious engage- Such an outside could not fail of preposment, resolved, by advice of Mr Jolter and sessing people in his favour. The commohis friend the parish priest, to recall him from dore, notwithstanding the advantageous rethe place where he had contracted such im- ports he had heard, found his expectation prudent. connexions, and send him to the uni- exceed in the person of Peregrine, and signiversity, where his education might be com- fled his approbation in the most sanguine pleted, and his fancy weaned from all pue- terms. Mrs Trunnion was struck with his rile amusements. genteel address, and received him with unThis plan had been proposed to his own common marks of complacency and affecfather, who, as hath been already observed, tion: he was caressed by all the people in stood always neuter in every thing that con- the neighbourhood, who, while they admired cerned his eldest son; and as for Mrs Pickle, his accomplishments, could not help pitying K 74 SSMOLLETT'S SELECT WORKS. his infatuated mother, for being deprived of ver tried, and therefore Mr Peregrine ran no that unutterable delight which any other pa- risk of being disgraced. The commodore, rent would have enjoyed in the contempla- who assumed, and justly too, the whole metion of such an amiable son. rit of his education, was now as prold of the Divers efforts were made by some well- youth's improvements as if he had actually disposed people to conquer, if' possible, this been his own offspring; and sometimes his monstrous prejudice; but their endeavours, afflection rose to suchb a pitch of enthusiasm, instead of curing, served only to inflame the that he verily believed him to be the issue of distemper, and she never could be prevailed his own loins. Notwithstanding this favourupon to indulge him with the least mark of able predicament in which our hero stood maternal regard. On the contrary, her ori- with his aunt and her husband, he co. Id not ginal disgust degenerated into such invete- help feeling the injury he suffered froma the racy of hatred, that she left no stone unturn- caprice of his mother; and though the gaied to alienate the commodore's affection from ety of his disposition hindered him fromn afthis her innocent child, and even practised flicting himself with reflections of any gloo)my the most malicious defamation to accomplish cast, he did not fail to foresee, that, if any her purpose. Every day did she abuse her sudden accident should deprive him of the husband's ear with some forged instances of commodore, he would in all likelihood find Peregrine's ingratitude to his uncle, well himself in a very disagreeable situalion. knowing that it would reach the commo- Prompted by this consideration, lie one evendore's knowledge at night. ing accompanied his uncle to the club, ar d was Accordingly Mr Pickle used to tell him at introduced to his father, before that worthy the club, that his hopeful favourite had ridi- gentleman had the least inkling of his arrival. culed him in such a company, and aspersed Mr Gamaliel was never so disconcerted as his spouse upon another occasion; and thus at this rencounter. His own disposition retail the little scandalous issue of his own would- not suffer him to do any thing that wift's invention. Luckily for Peregrine, the might create the least disturbance, or intercommodore paid no great regard to the au- rupt his evening's enjoyment; so strongoly.thority of his informer, because he knew from was he impressed with the terror of his wife, what channel his intelligence flowed; be- that he durst not yield to the tranuquillity of sides, the youth had a staunch friend in Mr his temper, and, as I have already observed, Hatchway, who never failed to vindicate him his inclination was perfectly neutral. Thus when he was thus unjustly accused, and al- distracted between different motives, whenl ways found argument enough to confute the Perry was presented to him, he sat silent a.nd assertions of his enemies. But though Trun- absorbed, a.s if he did not, or would not, pernion had been dubious of the young gentle- ceive the application; and when he was urged man's principles, and deaf to the remon- to declare himself by the youth, who pathetistrances of the lieutenant, Perry was pro- cally begged to know how he had incurred vided with a bulwark strong enough to his displeasure, he answered, in a peevish defend him from all such assaults. This was strain, "Why, good now, child, what would no other than his aunt, whose regard for him you have me to do l your mother can't abide was perceived to increase in the same pro- you." " If my mother is so unkind, I will portion as his own mother's diminished: and not call it unnatural," (said Peregrine, the indeed the augmentation of the one was, in tears of indignation starting from his eyes,) all probability, owing to the decrease of the " as to banish me from her presence and atother; for the two ladies, with great civility, fection, without the least cause assigned, I performed all the duties of good neighbour- hope you will not be so unjust as to espouse hood, and hated each other most piously in her. barbarous prejudice." Before Mr, Pickle their hearts. had time to reply to this expostulation, for Mrs Pickle having been disobliged at the which he was not at all prepared, the comsplendour of her sister's new equipage, had, modore interposed, and enforced his favour.. ever since that time, in the course of her vis- ite's remonstrance, by telling Mr Gamaliel, iting, endeavoured to make people merry that he was ashamed to see any man drive with satirical jokes on the poor lady's infir- in such a miserable manner under his wife's mities; and Mrs Trunnion seized the very petticoat. " As for my own part," (said he, first opportunity of making reprisals, by in- raising his voice, and assuming a look of veighing against her unnatural behaviour to importance and command,) " before I would her own child; so that Peregrine, as on the suffer myself to be steered all weathers by one hand he was abhorred, so on the other any woman in Christendom, d'ye see, I'd he was caressed. in consequence of this con- raise such a hurricane about her ears, that" tention; and I firmly believe that the most -here he was interrupted by Mr Hatchway, effectual method of destroying his interest at who, thrusting his head towards the door, in the garrison, would have been the show of the attitude of one that listens, cried, "Ahey! countenancing him at his father's house; bhut there's your spouse come to pay us a visit." whlether this conjecture be reasonable or chi- Trunnion's features that instant adopted a merical, certain it is the experiment was ne- new disposition: fear and confusion took ADVENTURES OF PEREGRINE PICKLE. 75 possession of his countenance; his voice, from a tone of vociferation, sunk into a whis- CHAPTER XXT. per of' Sure you must be mistaken, Jack;" and in great perplexity he wiped off the Trunnion is enraged at the conduct of Picsweat x ihich had started on his forehead at kle-Peregrine resents the injustice of this false alarm. The lieutenant, having thus his mother, to whom he explains his senpunished him for the rodomontade he had timents in a letter-is entered at the uniuttered, told him, with an arch sneer, that versity of Oxford, where he signalizes he was, deceived with the sound of the out- himself as a youth of an enterprising ward door creaking upon its hinges, which genius. he mistook for Mrs Trunnion's voice, and desired him to proceed with his admonitions UNSPEAKABLE were the transports of rage to Mr Pickle. It is not to be denied that this to which Trunnion was incensed by this abarrogance was a little unseasonable in the surd renunciation: he tore the letter with his comntodore, who was in all respects as ef- gums (teeth he had none), spit with furious fectually subdued to the dominion of his wife grimaces, in token of the contempt he enteras tht- person whose submission he then ven- tained for the author, whom he not only ture` to condemn, with this difference of dis- damned as a lousy, scabby, nasty, scurvy, positio n-Trunnion's subjection was like that skulking, lubberly noodle, but resolved to of a be, r, chequered with fits of surliness and challenge to single combat with fire and rage; wvhereas Pickle bore the yoke like an sword; but he was dissuaded from this vioox, wih bout repining. No wonder then that lent measure, and appeased by the interventhis indolence, this sluggishness, this stag- tion and advice of the lieutenant and Mr nation of temper, rendered Gamaliel incapa- Jolter, who represented the message as the bie cf withstanding the arguments and im- effect of the poor man's infirmity, for which portiurity of his friends, to which he at length he was rather an object of pity than of resurrer tdered. He acquiesced in the justice of sentment, and turned the stream of his intheir" bservations, and, taking his son by the dignation against the wife, whom he reviled iiaNld, promised to favour him for the future accordingly. Nor did Peregrine himself bear with his love and fatherly protection. with patience this injurious declaration, the P;ut this laudable resolution did not last: nature of which he no sooner understood Mrs Pickle, still dubious of his constancy, from Hatchway, than, equally shocked and an(d jealous of his communication with the exasperated, he retired to his apartment, and, conmmodore, never failed to interrogate him in the first emotions of his ire, produced the every night about the conversation that hap- following epistle, which was immediately pen'(d at the club, and regulate her exhorta- conveyed to his mother.tious according to the intelligence she re- "MADAM,-Had nature formed me a bugceived. He was no sooner, therefore, safely bear to the sight, and inspired me with a soul conveyed to bed (that academy in which all as vicious as my body was detestable, pernotable wives communicate their lectures), haps I might have enjoyed particular marks than her catechism began; and she in a mo- of your affection and applause; seeing you ment perceived something reluctant and equi- have persecuted me with such unnatural vocal in her husband's answers. Aroused at aversion, for no other visible reason than that this discovery, she employed her influence of my differing so widely in shape, as well and skill with such success, that he disclosed as disposition, from that deformed urchin every circumstance of what had happened; who is the object of your tenderness and and, after having sustained a most severe re- care. If those be the terms on which alone I buke for his simplicity and indiscretion, hum- can obtain your favour, I pray God you may bled himself so far as to promise that he would never cease to hate, madam, your much innext day annul the condescensions he had jured son, PEREGRINE PICKLE." made, and for ever renounce the ungracious This letter, which nothing but his passion object of her disgust. This undertaking was and inexperience could excuse, had such an punctually performed in a letter to the com- effect upon his mother as may be easily conmodore, which she herself dictated, in these ceived. She was enraged to a deogree of words.- frenzy against the writer; though at the same "SIR,-Whereas my good-nature being time she considered the whole as the produclast night imposed upon, I was persuaded to tion of Mrs Trunnion's particular pique, and countenance and promise, I know not what, represented it to her husband as an insult to that vicious youth, whose parent I have that he was bound in honour to resent, by the misfortune to be; I desire you will take breaking off all correspondence with the notice, that I revoke all such countenance cor-. nodore and his family. This was a bitand promises, and shall never look upon that ter pill to Gamaliel, who, through a long m-an as my friend who will henceforth in course of years, was so habituated to Trunsuch a cause solicit, Sir, yours, &c. nion's company, that he could as easily have "GAM. PICKLE." parted with a limb, as have relinquished the 7 76 SMOLLETT'S SELECT WORKS. club all at once. He therefore ventured to career; he frequented taverns and coffeerepresent his own incapacity to follow her houses, committed midnight frolics in the advice, and begged that he might at least be streets, insulted all the sober and pacific class allowed to drop the connexion gradually, of his fellow-students; the tutors themselves protesting that he would do his endeavour were not sacred from his ridicule; he\ laughed to give her all manner of satisfaction. at the magistrate, and neglected eviery parMeanwhile preparations were made for ticular of college discipline. Peregrine's departure to the university; and In vain did they attempt to restrain his in a few weeks he set out, in the seventeenth irregularities by the imposition of fines; he year of his age, accompanied by the same was liberal to profusion, and therefore paid attendants who lived with him at Winches- without reluctance. Thrice did he scale the ter. His uncle laid strong injunctions upon windows of a tradesman, with whose deaughter him to avoid the company of immodest wo- he had an affair of gallantry; as often was he men, to mind his learning, to let him hear obliged to seek his safety by a precipitate of his welfare as often as he could spare time leap; and one night would, in all probability, to write, and settled his appointments at the have fallen a sacrifice to an ambuscade that rate of five hundred a-year, including his go- was laid by the father, had not his trusty vernor's salary, which was one-fifth part of squire Pipes interposed in his behali, and the sum. The heart of our young gentleman manfully rescued him from the clubs of his dilated at the prospect of the figure he should enemies. make with such a handsome annuity, the ma- In the midst of these excesses, Mr Jolter, nagement of which was left to his own dis- finding his admonitions neglected, a nd his cretion: and he amused his imagination with influence utterly destroyed, attempted to the most agreeable reveries during his jour- wean his pupil from his extravagant cogurses, ney to Oxford, which he performed in two by engaging his attention in some mores lauddays. Here, being introduced to the head of able pursuit. With this view, he introduced the college, to whom he had been recom- him into a club of politicians, who rec;eived mended, accommodated with genteel apart- him with great demonstrations of regard, acments, entered as gentleman commoner in commodated themselves more than he *c-uld the books, and provided with a judicious tu- have expected to his jovial disposition, and, tor, instead of returning to the study of while they revolved schemes for the refor:maGreek and Latin, in which he thought him- tion of the state, drank with such devotionr to self already sufficiently instructed, he renew- the accomplishment of their plans, that, beed his acquaintance with some of his old fore parting, the cares of their patric/ism school-fellows, whom he found in the same were quite overwhelmed. situation, and was by them initiated in all Peregrine, though he could not approve the fashionable diversions of the place. of their doctrine, resolved to attach himself It was not long before he made himself for some time to their company; because he remarkable for his spirit and humour, which perceived ample subject for his ridicule, iit were so acceptable to the bucks of the uni- the characters of these wrong-headed enversity, that he was admitted as a member of thusiasts. It was a constant practice with their corporation, and, in a very little time, them, in their midnight consistories, to became the most conspicuous personage of swallow such plentiful draughts of inspirathe whole fraternity; not that he valued him- tion, that their mysteries commonly ended self upon his ability in smoking the greatest like those of the Bacchanalian orgia; and number of pipes, and drinking the largest they were seldom capable of maintaining quantity of ale; these were qualifications of that solemnity of decorum, which, by the natoo gross a nature to captivate his refined ture of their functions, most of them were ambition. He piqued himself on his talent obliged to profess. Now, as Peregrine's safor raillery, his genius and taste, his person- tirical disposition was never more gratified al accomplishments, and his success at in- than when he had an opportunity of expostrigue: nor were his excursions confined to ing grave characters in ridiculous attitudes, the small villages in the neighbourhood, which he laid a mischievous snare for his new conare commonly visited once a-week by the stu- federates, which took effect in this manner. dent, for the sake of carnal recreation. He — In one of their nocturnal deliberations, he kept his own horses, traversed the whole promoted such a spirit of good fellowship, by county in parties of pleasure, attended all the the agreeable sallies of his wit, which were races within fifty miles of Oxford, and made purposely levelled against their political adfrequent jaunts to London, where he used to versaries, that by ten o'clock they were all lie incognito during the best part of many a ready to join in the most extravagant proterm. posal that could be made. They broke their The rules of the university were too se- glasses in consequence of his suggestion, vere to be observed by a youth of his viva- drank healths out of their shoes, caps, and city; and therefore he became acquainted the bottoms of the candlesticks that stood bewith the proctor by times. But all the checks fore them, sometimes standing with one foo+ ae received were insufficient to moderate his on a chair, and the knee bent on the edge of ADVENTURES OF PEREGRINE PICKLE. 77 the table; and, when they could no longer of his features, that his visage bore a very stand in that posture, setting their bare pos- apt resemblance to some of those ferocious teriors oa the cold floor. They huzzaed, countenances that hang over the doors of halloed, danced, and sung, and, in short, certain taverns and ale-houses, under the were elevated to such a pitch of intoxica- denomination of the Saracen's head. tion, that when Peregrine proposed that Such a remarkable alteration of physiogthey should burn their periwigs, the hint nomy could not escape the notice of the was immeidiately approved, and they execut- most undiscerning beholder, much less the ed the frolic as one man. Their shoes and penetrating eye of his severe judg-e, already caps underwent the same fate by the same whetted with what he had seen over-night. instigation; and in this trim he led them He was therefore upbraided with this ridicuforth into the street, where they resolved to lous and shallow artifice,, and, together with compel every body they should find to sub- the companions of his debauch, underwent scribe to their political creed, and pronounce such a cutting reprimand for the scandalous the shibboleth of their party. In the achiev- irregularity of his conduct, that all of them ment cf this enterprise, they met with more remained crest-fallen, and were ashamed, for opposition than they expected; they were many weeks, to appear in the public execuencountered with arguments which they tion of their duty. could not well withstand; the noses of some, Peregrine was too vain of his finesse to and eycs of others, in a very little time, bore conceal the part he acted in this comedy, the marks of obstinate disputation. Their with the particulars of which he regaled his conductor having at length engaged the companions, and thereby entailed upon himwhole body in a fray with another squadron, self the hate and resentment of the commuwhich was pretty much in the same condi- nity whose maxims and practices he had distion, he very fairly gave the-. the slip, and closed; for he was considered as a spy, who slily retreated to his apartment, foreseeing had intruded himself into their society with that his companions would soon be favoured a view of betraying it; or, at best, as an with the notice of their superiors; nor was apostate and renegado from the faith and he deceived in his prognostic; the proctor, principles which he had professed. going his round, chanced to fall in with this tumultuous uproar, and, interposing his authority, found means to quiet the disturbance. CHAPTER XXII. He took cognizance of their names, and dismis.sed the rioters to their respective chamin- He is insulted by his tutor, whom he lambers, not a little scandalized at the behaviour poons. —3akes a considerable progress of somne among them, whose business and in polite literature-and in an excursion duty it was to set far other examples to the to Windsor, meets with Emilia by acciyouth under their care and direction. dent, and is very coldly received. Abkout midnight,. Pipes, who had orders to attend at a distance, and keep an eye upon AMONG those who suffered by his craft and Jolter, brought home that unfortunate go- infidelity was Mr Jumble, his own tutor, who vernor upon his back (Peregrine having be- could not at all digest the mortifying affront forehand' secured his admittance into the col- he had re: eived, and was resolved to be relege), and among other bruises he was found venged on the insulting author. With this to have received a couple of contusions on view he watched the conduct of Mr Pickle his face, which next morning appeared in a with the utmost rancour of vigilance, and let black circle that surrounded each eye. slip no opportunity of treating him with disThis was a mortifying circumstance to a respect, which he knew the disposition of man of his character and deportment, espe- his pupil could less brook than any other secially as he had received a message from the verity it was in his power to exercise. proctor, who desired to see him forthwith. Peregrine had been several mornings abWith great humility and contrition he beg- sent from chapel; and as Mr Jumble never ged the advice of his pupil, who, being used failed to question him in a very peremptory to amuse himself with painting, assured Mr style about his non-attendance, he invented Jolter, that he would cover those signs of some very plausible excuses; but at length disgrace with a slight coat of flesh-colour so his ingenuity was exhausted; he received a dexterously that it would be almost impossi- very galling rebuke for his profligacy of moble to distinguish the artificial from the na- rals, and that he might feel it the more sentural skin. The rueful governor, rather than sibly, was ordered, by way of exercise, to expose such opprobrious tokens to the ob- compose a paraphrase, in English verse, servation and censure of the magistrates, upon these two lines in Virgil: submitted to the expedient. Although his ounsellor had over-rxped his own skillAlthough his "Vane ligur, frustraque animis elate superbis, counsellor had over-rated his own skill, he..Nequieqluam patrias tentasti lubricus artes." was persuaded to confide in the disguise, and actually attended the proctor, with such The imposition of this invidious scheme a staring addition to the natural ghastliness had all the desired effect upon Peregrine, 78 SMOLLETT'S SELECT WORKS. who not only considered it as a piece of un- piece of satire with that temper and decency mannerly abuse levelled against his own of disdain that became a person of his graviconduct, but also as a retrospective insult on ty and station, he no sooner cast his eye the memory of his grandfather, who (as he over the performance. than the blood rushed had been informed) was, in his lifetime, more into his countenance, which immediately noted for his cunning than candor in trade. after exhibited a ghastly pale colour. With Exasperated at this instance of the pe- a quivering lip he told his pupil that he was dant's audacity, he had well nigh (in his first an impertinent jackanapes, and he -would transports) taken corporal satisfaction on the take care that he should be expelled from spot; but foreseeing the troublesome conse- the university, for having presumed to write quence that would attend such a flagrant and deliver such a licentious and scurrilous outrage against the laws of the university, libel. Peregrine answered with great resohe checked his indignation, and resolved to lution, that when the provocation he had revenge the injury in a more cool and con- received should be known, he was persuaded temptuous manner. Thus determined, he that he should be acquitted in the opinion of set on foot an inquiry into the particulars of all impartial people; and that he was ready Jumble's parentage and education.. He to submit the whole to the decision of the learned that the father of this insolent tutor master. was a bricklayer, that his mother sold pies, This arbitration he proposed, because he and that the son, at different periods of his knew the master and Jumble were at vayouth, had amused himself in both occupa- riance; and for that reason the tutorl dUirsi c tions before he converted his views to the not venture to put the cause on such an isstudy of learning. Fraught with this intel- sue. Nay, when this reference was menligence, he composed the following ballad in tioned, Jumble, who was naturally jealous, doggrel rhymes, and next day presented it suspected that Peregrine had a promise of as a gloss upon the text which the tutor had protection before he undertook to commit chosen. such an outrageous insult; and this notion had such an effect upon him, that he reI. I solved to devour his vexation, and wait' for Come, listen ye students of ev'ry degree, a more proper opportunity of gratifying his i sing of a wit and a tutor pe dlie; hate. Meanwhile copies of the ballad waere A statesman profound, a critic immense, distributed among the students, who sung- it In short, a mere jumble of learning and sense; under the very nose of Mr Jumble, to the And yet of his talents, though laudably vain, tune of A cobler there was, &c. and the triHis own family arts he could never attain. umph of our hero was complete. NITefther mI.. ~ 1 I was his whole time devoted to the riotous His father intending his fortune to build, extravagancies of youth. He enjoyed mnany In his youth would have taught him the trowel lucid intervals; during which he contracted to wield, a more intimate acquaintance with the clasBut the mortar of discipline never would stick, sics, applied himself to the reading of histoFor his skull was secured by a facing of brick; ry, improved his taste for painting and mluAnd with all his endeavours of patience and sic, in which he made some progress; and pain,.. above all things cultivated the study of natu. The skill of his sire he could never attain. ral philosophy. It was generally after a:n1II.; course of close attention to some of these His mother, an housewife, neat, artful, and wise, arts and sciences, that his disposition broke Renown'd for her delicate biscuit and pies, out into those irregularities and wild sallies Soon alter'd his studies, by flatt'ring his taste, of a luxuriant imagination, for which lie beFrom the raising of walls to the rearing of came so remarkable; and he was perhaps paste! the only young man in Oxford, who, at the Butt all her instructions were fruitless andvain, same time, maintained an intimate and The pie-making myst'ry he ne'er could attain. friendly intercourse with the most unthinking, as well as with the most sedate students Yet true to his race, in his labours were seen at the university. A jumble of both their professions, I ween; It is not to be supposed that a young man For, when his own genius he ventur'd to trust, of Peregrine's vanity, inexperience, and proHis pies seem'd of brick, and his houses of fusion, could suit his expense to his allowcrust. ance, liberal as it was; for he was not one Then, good Mr Tutor, pray be not so vain, of those fortunate people who are born econSince your family arts you could never attain. omists, and knew not the art of withholding his purse when he saw his companion in This impudent production was the most difficulty. Thus naturally generous and exeffectual vengeance he could haye taken on pensive, he squandered away his money, his tutor, who had all the supercilious arro- and made a most splendid appearance upon gance and ridiculous pride of a low-born pe- the receipt of his quarterly appointment; but dant. Instead of overlooking this petulant long before the third month was elapsed, his ADVENTURES OF PEREGRINE PICKLE. 79 finances were consumed; and, as he could entered into conversation with the other: not stoop to ask an extraordinary supply, and, in order to favour his friend's gallantry, was too proud to borrow, and too haughty to conducted her into the next apartment, on run in debt with tradesmen, he devoted those pretence of entertaining her with the sight periods of poverty to the prosecution of his of a remarkable piece of painting. studies, and shone forth again at the revolu- Peregrine, laying hold of this opportunity tion of quarter-day. of being alone with the object of his love, In one of these irruptions, he and some of assumed a most seducing tenderness of his companions went to Windsor, in order look, and, heaving a profound sigh, asked if to see the royal apartments in the castle, she had utterly discarded him from her rewhither they repaired in the afternoon; and, membrance. Reddening at this pathetic as Peregrine stood contemplating the picture question, which recalled the memory of the of Hercules and Omphale, one of his fellow- imagined. slight he had put upon her, she anstudents whispered in his ear, " Zounds! swered, in great confusion,-" Sir, I believe Pickle, there are two fine girls." He turned I once had the pleasure of, seeing you at a instantly about, and, in one of them recog- ball in Winchester." " Miss Enmilia," said nised his almost forgotten Emilia: her ap- he, very gravely, "will you be so candid as to pearance acted upon his imagination like a tell me what misbehaviour of mine you are spark of fire that falls among gunpowder; pleased to punish, by restricting your:rememthat passion which had lain dormant for the brance to that single occasion?" "Mr space of two years flashed up in a moment, Pickle," she replied, in the same tone; "it is and he was seized with an universal trepi- neither my province nor inclination to judge dation. She perceived and partook of his your conduct; and therefore you misapply emotion; for their souls, like unisons, vi- your question, when you ask such an explabrated with the same impulse. However, nation of me." "At least," resumed our she called her pride and resentment to her lover, " give me the melancholy satisfaction aid, and found resolution enough to retire to know for what offence of mine you refusfrom such a dangerous scene. Alarmed at ed to take the least notice of that letter her retreat, he recollected all his assurance, which I had the honour to write from Winand, impelled by love, which he could no chester, by your own expless permission." longer resist, followed her into the next "Your letter," said miss, with.great vivacity, room, where, in the most disconcerted man- "neither required nor in my opinion deserved ner, he accosted her with-" Your humble an answer; and, to be free with you, Mr Pickle, servant, Miss Gauntlet;" to which saluta- it was but a shallow artifice to rid yourself of tion she replied, with an affectation of indif- a correspondence you had deigned to solicit." ference, that did not, however, conceal her Peregrine, confounded at this repartee, reagitation, "Your servant, Sir;" and imme- plied, that, howsoever he might have failed diately extending her finger towards the pic- in point of elegance or discretion, he was ture of Duns Scotus, which is fixed over one sure he had not been deficient in expressions of the doors, asked her companion, in a gig- of respect and devotion for those charms gling tone, if she did not think he looked like which it was his pride to adore: "As for a conjuror? Peregrine, nettled into spirits the verses," said he, "I own they were unby this reception, answered for the other worthy of the theme, but I flattered myself lady,-" That it was an easy matter to be a that they would have merited your, accepconjuror in those times, when the simplicity tance, though not your approbation, and beof the age assisted his divination; but, were ing considered not so much the proof of my he, or Merlin himself, to rise from the dead genius, as the genuine effusion of my love." now, when such deceit and dissimulation "Verses!" cried Emilia, with an air of asprevail, they would not be able to earn their tonishment, " what xerses? I really don't bread bythe profession." "0, Sir," (said she, understand you." The young:gentleman was turning full upon him), " without doubt they thunderstruck at this exclamation, to which, would adopt new maxims;'tis no disparage- after a long pause, he answered,-" I. begin ment in this enlightened age for one to alter to suspect, and heartily wish it may appear, one's opinion." " No, sure, madam," (replied that we have misunderstood each other from the youth with some precipitation,) " provid- the beginning. Pray, Miss Gauntlet, did ed the change be for the better." "' And, you not find a copy of verses inclosed in should it happen otherwise" (retorted the that unfortunate letter?" "Truly, Sir," said nymph, with a flirt of her fan), " inconstan- the lady, " I am not so much of a connoiscy will never want countenance from the seur, as to distinguish whether that facetious practice of mankind." " True, madam," (re- production, which you merrily style an unsumed our hero, fixing his eyes upon her), fortunate letter, was composed in verse or "examples of levity are every where to be prose; but, methinks, the jest is a little too met with." " O Lord, Sir," (cried Emilia, stale to be brought upon the carpet again." tossing her head,) " you'll scarce ever find a So saying, she tripped away to her companfop without it." By this time his companion, ion, and left her lover in a most tumultuous seeing him engaged with one of the ladies, suspense. He now perceived that her ne. 7* SO SMOLLETT'S SELECT WORKS. glect of his addresses, when he was at Win- where he found his companions, whom he chester, must have been owing to some mys- had left at the castle gate. They had already tery which he could not comprehend: and made inquiry about the ladies, in consequence she began to suspect, and to hope, that the of which he learned that Miss Sophy was letter she received was spurious, though she the daughter of a gentleman in town, to whom could not conceive how that could possibly his mistress was related; that an intimate happen, as it had been delivered tq her by friendship subsisted between the two young the hands of his own servant. ladies; that Emilia had lived about a month However, she resolved to leave the task with her cousin, and appeared at the last asof unravelling the affair to him, who, she sembly, where she was universally admired; knew, would infallibly exert himself for his and that several young gentlemen of fortune own, as well as her satisfaction. She was had, since that time, teased her with adnot deceived in her opinion: he went up to dresses. her again at the staircase, and, as they were Our hero's ambition was flattered, and his unprovided with a male attendant, insisted passion inflamed with this intelligence; and upon squiring the ladies to their lodgings. he swore within himself, that he would not Emilia saw his drift, which was no other than quit the spot until he should have obtained to know where she lived: and, though she an undisputed victory over all his rivals. approved of his contrivance, thought it was That same evening he composed a most incumbent upon her, for the support of her eloquent epistle, in which he earnestly enown dignity, to decline the civility: she treated that she would favour him with an therefore thanked him for his polite offer, opportunity of vindicating his conduct; but but would by no means consent to his giv- she would neither receive his billet nor see ing himself such unnecessary trouble, espe- his messenger. Baulked in this effort, he incially as they had but a very little way to closed it in a new cover, directed by another walk. He was not repulsed by this refusal, hand, and ordered Pipes to ride next mornthe nature of which he perfectly understood; ing to London, on purpose to deliver it at the nor was she sorry to see him persevere in post-office, that, coming by such conveyance, his determination: he therefore accompanied she might have no suspicion of the author, them in their return, and made divers efforts and open it before she should be aware of the to speak with Emilia in particular. But she deceit. had a spice of the coquette in her disposi- Three days he waited patiently for the eftion, and, being determined to whet his irn- fect of this stratagem, and, in the afternoon patience, artfully baffled all his endeavours, of the fourth, ventured to hazard a formal by keeping her companion continually en- visit, in quality of an old acquaintance. But gaged in the conversation, which turned upon here too he failed in his attempt; she was the venerable appearance and imperial situ- indisposed, and could not see company. These ation of the place. Thus tantalized, he obstacles served only to increase his eagerlounged with them to the door of the house ness; he still adhered to his former resoluin which they lodged, when his mistress, per- tion; and his companions, understanding his ceiving by the countenance of her comrade determination, left him next day to his own that she was on the point of desiring him to inventions. Thus relinquished to his own walk in, checked her intention with a frown; ideas, he doubled his assiduity, and practised then turning to Mr Pickle, dropped him a every method his imagination could suggest, very formal curt'sey, seized the other young in order to promote his plan. lady by the arm, and saying, " Come, cousin Pipes was stationed all day long within Sophy," vanished in a moment. sight of her door, that he might be able to give his master an account of her motions; but she never went abroad, except to visit in CHAPTER XXIII. the neighbourhood, and was always housed before Peregrine could be apprized of her After sundry unsuccessful efforts, he finds appearance. He went to church with a view means to come to an explanation with his of attracting her notice, and humbled his demistress-and a reconciliation ensues. portment before her; but she was so mischievously devout as to look at nothing but PEREGRINE, disconcerted at their sudden dis- her book, so that he was not favoured with appearance, stood for some minutes gaping one glance of regard. He frequented the in the street, before he could get the better coffee-house, and attempted to contract an of his surprise: and then deliberated with acquaintance with Miss Sophy's father, who, himself whether he should demand immedi- he hoped, would invite him to his house; but ate admittance to his mistress, or choose this expectation was also defeated. That some other method of application. Piqued at prudent gentleman looked upon him as one her abrupt behaviour, though pleased with of those forward fortune-hunters who go her spirit, he set his invention to work, in about the country seeking whom they may order to contrive some means of seeing her; devour, and warily discouraged all his admid in a fit of musing, arrived at the inn, vances. Chagrined by so many unsuccessful ADVENTURES OF PEREGRINE PICKLE. 81 endeavours, he began to despair of accom- of good nature, and to whom her cousin had plishing his aim: and, as the last suggestion communicated the cause of her reserve, seeof his art, paid off his lodging, took horse at ing the young gentleman so much affected noon, and departed, in all appearance, for with that disdain, which she knew to be feignthe place from whence he had come. He ed, laid hold on Emilia's sleeve, saying, with rode, however, but a few miles, and, in the a smile,-" Not quite so fast, Emilia, I bedusk oftheevening, returned unseen, alighted gin to perceive that this is a love quarrel, at another inn, ordered Pipes to stay within and therefore there may be hopes of a recondoors, and keeping himself incognito, employ- ciliation; for I suppose both parties are open ed another person as a centinel upon Emilia. to conviction." "For my own part," cried It was not long before he reaped the fruits Peregrine, with great eagerness, "'I appeal of his ingenuity. Next day in the afternoon to Miss Sophy's decision;-but why do I say he was informed by his spy, that the two appeal? Though I am conscious of having young ladies were gone to walk in the park, committed no offence, I am ready to submit whither he followed them on the instant, to any penance, let it be ever so rigorous, fully determined to come to an explanation that my fair enslaver herself shall impose, with his mistress, even in presence of her provided it will entitle me to her favour and friend, who might possibly be prevailed upon forgiveness at last." Emily, well nigh overto interest herself in his behalf. come by this declaration, told him, that, as When he saw them at such a distance that she taxed him with no guilt, she expected no they could not return to town before he should atonement; and pressed her companion to have an opportunity of putting his resolution return into town. But Sophy, who was too in practice, he mended his pace, and found indulgent to her friend's real inclination to means to appear before them so suddenly, comply with her request, observed, that the that Emilia could not help expressing her gentleman seemed so reasonable in his consurprise in a scream. Our lover, putting on cessions, she began to think her cousin was a mien of humility and mnortification, begged in the wrong, and felt herself disposed to act to know if her resentment was implacable; as umpire in the dispute. and asked why she had so cruelly refused to Overjoyed at this condescension, Mr Pickle grant him the common privilege that every thanked her in the most rapturous terms, criminal enjoyed. " Dear Miss Sophy," said and, in the transport of his expectation, kisshe, addressing himself to her companion, ed the hand of his kind mediatrix; a circum. " give me leave to implore your intercession stance which had a remarkable effect on the with your cousin; I am sure you have hu- countenance of Emilia, who did not seem to inanity enough to espouse my cause, did you relish the warmth of his acknowledgment. but know the justice of it; and I flatter my- After many supplications on one hand, and self, that by your kind interposition, I may pressing remonstrances on the other, she be able to rectify that fatal misunderstanding yielded at length, and, turning to her lover, which hath made me wretched." " Sir," while her face was overspread with blushes, said Sophy, " you appear like a gentleman, " Well, sir," said she, 1" supposing I were to and I doubt not but your behaviour has been put the difference on that issue, how could you always suitable to your appearance; but you excuse the ridiculous letter which you sent to must excuse me from undertaking any such me from Winchester " This expostulation office in behalf of a person whom I have not introduced a discussion of the whole affair, the honour to know." 1 "Madam," answer- in which all the circumstances were canvassed Peregrine, "I hope Miss Emy will justify ed; and Emilia still affirmed, with great heat, my pretensions to that character, notwith- that the letter must have been calculated to standing the mystery of her displeasure, affront her; for she could not suppose the which, upon my honour, I cannot for my soul author was so weak as to design it for any explain." "Lord! Mr Pickle," said Emilia, other purpose. who had by this time recollected herself, Peregrine, who still retained in his memo"I never questioned your gallantry and taste, ry the substance of his unlucky epistle, as but I am resolved that you never shall have well as the verses which were inclosed, could cause to exercise your talents at my ex- recollect no particular expression which could pense; so that you tease yourself and me to have justly given the least umbrage; and no purpose; come, Sophy, let us walk home therefore, in the agonies of perplexity, begagain. "Good God! madam," cried the ged that the whole might be submitted to the lover, with great emotion, "why will you dis- judgment of Miss Sophy, and faithfully protract me with such indifference 1 stay, dear mised to stand to her award. Emilia! I conjure you on my knees to stay In short, this proposal was, with seeming and hear me: by all that is sacred, I was not reluctance, embraced by Emilia, and an apto blame! you must have been imposed upon pointment made to meet next day in the same my some villain who envied my good fortune, place, whither both parties were desired to and took some treacherous method to ruin come, provided with their credentials, ac. my love." cording to which definitive sentence would Miss Sophy, who possessed a large stock be pronounced. L 82 SMOLLETT'S SELECT WORKS. Our lover having succeeded thus far, over- that instant prevailed in the breasts of both. whelmed Sophy with acknowledgments on The judge, however, in a little time resumed account of her generous mediation, and, in her solemnity, and having read the remainthe course of their walk, which Emily was now ing part of this curious epistle, all three conin no hurry to conclude, whispered a great tinued staring at each other alternately for many tender protestations in the ear of his the space of half a minute, and then broke mistress, who nevertheless continued to act fi)rth at the same instant into another parupon the reserve until her doubts should be oxysm of mirth. From this unanimous conmore fully resolved. vulsion, one would have thought that both Mr Pickle having found means to amuse parties were extremely well pleased with the them in the fields till the twilight, was oblig- joke; yet this was by no means the case. ed to wish them a good even, after having Eimilia imagined, that, notwithstanding his obtained a solemn repetition of their promise affected surprise, her lover, in spite of him. to meet him at the appointed time and place; self, had renewed the laugh at her expense, and then retreated to his apartment, where and, in so doing, applauded his own unmanhe spent the whole night in various conjec- nerly ridicule. This supposition could not tures on the subject of this letter, the gordi- fail of raising and reviving her indignation, an knot of which he could by no means while Peregrine highly resented the indigniuntie. ty with which he supposed himself treated, in One while he imagined that some wag had her attempting to make him the dupe of such played a trick upon his messenger, in conse- a gross and ludicrous artifice. This being quence of which Emilia received a supposi- the situation of their thoughts, their mirth tious letter; but, upon farther reflection, he was succeeded by a mutual gloominess of could not conceive the practicability of any aspect; and the judge, addressing herself to such deceit. Then he began to doubt the Mr Pickle, asked if he had any thing to offer sincerity of his mistress, who, perhaps, had why sentence should not be pronounced. only made that an handle for discarding him, " Madam," answered the culprit, " I am sorat the request of some favoured rival; but ry to find myself so low in the opinion of his own integrity forbade him to harbour this your cousin, as to be thought capable of being mean suspicion; and therefore he was again deceived by such a shallow contrivance." involved in the labyrinth of perplexity. "Nay, Sir," said Emnilia, "the contrivance Next day he waited on the rack of impa- is your own; and I cannot help admiring tience for the hour of five in the afternoon, your confidence in imputing it to me." Upon which no sooner struck, than he ordered my honour, Miss Emily," resumed our hero, Pipes to attend him, in case there should be "' you wrong my understanding as well as my occasion for his evidence, and repaired to love, in accusing me of having written such the place of rendezvous, where he had not a silly, impertinent performance, the very aptarried five minutes before the ladies appear- pearance and address of it is so unlike the ed Mutual compliments being past, and letter which I did myself the honour to write, the attendant stationed at a convenient dis- that I dare say my man, even at this distance tance, Peregrine persuaded them to sit down of time, will remember the difference." So upon the grass; under the shade of a spread- saying he extended his voice, and beckoned ing oak, that they might be more at their to Pipes, who immediately drew near. His ease; while he stretched himself at their feet, mistress seemed to object to the evidence, by and desired that the paper on which his doom observing that, to be sure, Mr Pipes had his depended might be examined. It was ac- cue; when Peregrine begging she would spare cordingly put into the hands of his fair arbi- him the mortification of considering him in tress, who read it immediately with an audi- such a dishonourable light, desired his valet ble voice. The first two words of it were to examine the outside of the letter, and recolno sooner pronounced, than he started with lect if it was the same which he delivered to great emotion, and raised himself on his Miss Gauntlet about two years ago. Pipes hand and knee, in which posture he listened having taken a superficial view of it, pulled up to the rest of the sentence; then sprung upon his breeches, saying, " Mayhap it is, but we his feet in the utmost astonishment, and, have so many trips, and been in so many glowing with resentment at the same time, creeks and corners since that time, that I can't exclaimed, "Hell and the devil! what's all pretend to be certain; for I neither keep jourthatt sure you make a jest of me, madam." nal nor logbook of our proceedings." Emilia "Pray, sir," said Sophy, " give me the hear- commended him for his candour, at the same ing for a few moments, and then urge what time darting a sarcastic look at his master, you shall think proper in your own defence." as if she thought he had tampered with his Having thus cautioned him, she proceeded: servant's integrity in vain; and Peregrine but before she had finished one half of the began to rave and to curse his fate for having performance, her gravity forsook her, and she subjected him to such mean suspicion, a4 was seized with a violent fit of laughter, in testing heaven and earth in the most earnest which neither of the lovers could help join- manner, that, far from having composed and ing, notwithstanding the resentment which at conveyed that stupid production, he had never ADVENTURES OF PEREGRINE PICKLE. 83 seen it before, nor been privy to the least ed, in expectation of his request. By this circumstance of the plan. connexion he would be entitled to visit her Pipes, now, for the first time, perceived next day, and thus an avowed corresponthe mischief which he had occasioned, and, dence would of course commence. This moved with the transports of his master, for plan was actually put in execution, and atwhom he had a most inviolable attachment, tended with a circumstance which had well frankly declared that he was ready to make nigh produced some mischievous conseoath that Mr Pickle had no hand in the letter quence, had not Peregrine's good fortune which he delivered. All three were amazed been superior to his discretion. at this confession, the meaning of which they could not comprehend. Peregrine, after some pause, leaped upon Pipes, and seizing CHAPTER XXIV. him by the throat, exclaimed, in an ecstasy of rage, " Rascal! tell me this instant what He achieves an adventure at the assembly, became of the letter I entrusted to your and quarrels with his governor. care." The patient valet, half strangled as he was, squirted a collection of tobacco- AT the assembly were no fewer than three juice out of one corner of his mouth, and gentlemen of fortune, who rivalled our lover with great deliberation replied, " Why,- in his passion for Emilia, and who had seveburnt it; you wouldn't have me give the rally begged the honour of dancing with her young woman a thing that shook all in the upon that occasion. She had excused herwind in tatters, would you?" The ladies self to each, on pretence of a slight indispointerposed in behalf of the distressed squire, sition that she foresaw would detain her from from whom, by dint of questions, which he the ball, and desired they would provide had neither art nor inclination to evade, they themselves with other partners. Obliged to extorted an explanation of the whole affair. admit her excuse, they accordingly followed Such ridiculous simplicity and innocence her advice; and after they had engaged of intention appeared in the composition of themselves beyond the power of retracting, his expedient, that even the remembrance of had the mortification to see her there unall the chagrin which it had produced could claimed. not rouse their indignation, or enable them They in their turn made up to her, and to resist a third eruption of laughter, which expressed their surprise and concern at findthey forthwith underwent. ing her in the assembly unprovided, after Pipes was dismissed with many menacing she had declined their invitation; but she injunctions to beware of such conduct for the told them that her cold had forsaken her future; Emilia stood with a confusion of joy since she had the pleasure of seeing them, and tenderness in her countenance; Pere- and that she would rely upon accident for grine's eyes kindled into rapture, and when a partner. Just as she pronounced these MIiss Sophy pronounced the sentence of re- words to the last of the three,'Peregrine adconciliation, advanced to his mistress, say- vanced as an utter stranger, bowed with ing," truth is mighty and will prevail;" then great respect, told her he understood she clasping her in his arms, very impudently was unengaged, and would think himself ravished a kiss, which she had not power to highly honoured in b,.ing accepted as her refuse. Nay, such was the impulse of his partner for the night; and he had the good joy, that he took the same freedom with the fortune to succeed in his application. lips of Sophy, calling her his kind mediatrix As they were by far the handsomest and and guardian angel, and behaved with such best accomplished couple in the room, they extravagance of transport as plainly evinced could not fail of attracting the notice and the fervour and sincerity of his love. admiration of the spectators, which inflamed I shall not pretend to repeat the tender the jealousy of his three competitors, who protestations that were uttered on one side, immediately entered into a conspiracy against or describe the bewitching glances of appro- this gaudy stranger, whom, as their rival, bation with which they were received on the they resolved to affront in public. Pursuant other: suffice it to say, that the endearing to the plan which they projected for this intimacy of their former connexion was in- purpose, the first country dance was no stantly renewed, and Sophy, who congratu- sooner concluded, than one of them, with his lated them upon the happy termination of partner, took place of Peregrine and his their quarrel, favoured with their mutual mistress, contrary to the regulation of the confidence. In consequence of this happy ball. Our lover, imputing his behaviour to pacification, they deliberated upon the means inadvertency, informed the gentieman of his of seeing each other often; and as he could mistake, and civilly desired he would rectify not, without some previous introduction, visit his error. The other told him, in an impeher openly at the house of her relation, they rious tone, that he wanted none of his adagreed to meet every afternoon in the park, vice, and bade him mind his own affairs. till the next assembly, at which he would Peregrine answered with some warmth, and solicit her as a partner, and she be unengag- insisted upon his right; a dispute comrn 84 SMOLLETT'S SELECT WORKS. menced; nigh words ensued, in the course antagonist without endeavouring to disable of which our impetuous youth, hearing him- him, until he should be heartily satisfied with self reviled with the appellation of scoun- the vengeance he had taken. With this drel, pulled off his antagonist's periwig, and view he returned the salute, and raised such flung it in his face. The ladies immediately a clatter about the squire's pate, that one who shrieked, the gentlemen interposed, Emilia had heard, without seeing the application, was seized with a fit of trembling, and con- would have mistaken the sound for that of a ducted to her seat by her youthful admirer, salt-box, in the hands of a dexterous Merry who begged pardon for having discomposed Andrew, belonging to one of the booths at her, and vindicated what he had done, by Bartholomew fair. Neither was this salutarepresenting the necessity he was under to tion confined to his head; his shoulders, arms, resent the provocation he had received. thighs, ancles, and ribs, were visited with Though she could not help owning the amazing rapidity, while Tom Pipes sounded justice of his plea, she was not the less con- the charge through his fist. Peregrine, tired cerned at the dangerous situation in which with this exercise, which had almost bereft he had involved himself, and, in the utmost his enemy of sensation, at last struck the consternation and anxiety, insisted upon go- decisive blow, in consequence of which the ing directly home. He could not resist her squire's weapon flew out of his grasp, and importunities; and her cousin being deter- he allowed our hero to be the better man. mined to accompany her, he escorted them Satisfied with this acknowledgment, the victo their lodgings, where he wished them tor walked up stairs, with such an elevation good night, after having, in order to quiet of spirits, and insolence of mien, that notheir apprehensions, protested, that, if his body chose to intimate the resolution which opponent was satisfied, he should never take had been taken in his absence; there having any step towards the prosecution of the amused himself for some time in beholding quarrel. Meanwhile the assembly-room be- the country dances, he retreated to his lodgcame a scene of tumult and uproar. The ing, where he indulged himself all night in person who conceived himself injured, see- the contemplation of his own success. ing Peregrine retire, struggled with his com- Next day, in the forenoon, he went to panions, in order to pursue and take satisfac- visit- his partner; and the gentleman at tion of our hero, whom he loaded with terms whose house she lived, having been informof abuse, and challenged to single combat. ed of his family and condition, received him The director of the ball held a consulta- with great courtesy, as the acquaintance of tion with all the subscribers who were pre- his cousin Gauntlet, and invited him to dinsent: and it was determined, by a majority ner that same day. of votes, that the two gentlemen who had Emilia was remarkably well pleased, when occasioned the disturbance should be desired she understood the issue of his adventure, to withdraw. This resolution being signi- which began to make some noise in town, fled to one of the parties then present, he even though it deprived her of a wealthy admade some difficulty of complying, but was mirer. The squire having consulted an atpersuaded to submit by his two confederates, torney about the nature of the dispute, in who accompanied him to the street-door, hopes of being able to prosecute Peregrine where he was met by Peregrine on his re- for an assault, found little encouragement to turn to the assembly. go to law: he therefore resolved to pocket This choleric gentleman, who was a coun- the insult and injury he had undergone, and try squire, no sooner saw his rival, than he to discontinue his addresses to her who was began to brandish his cudgel in a menacing the cause of both. posture; when our adventurous youth, step- Our lover being told by his mistress, that ping back with one foot, laid his hand upon she proposed to stay a fortnight longer the hilt of his sword, which he drew half at Windsor, he determined to enjoy her way out of the scabbard. This attitude, and company all that time, and then to give her the sight of the blade, which glistened by a convoy to the house of her mother, whom moonlight in his face, checked, in some sort, lihe longed to see. In consequence of this the ardour of his assailant, who desired he plan, he every day contrived some fresh would lay aside his toaster, and take a bout party of pleasure for the ladies, to whom he with him at equal arms. Peregrine, who had by this time free access; and entangled was an expert cudgel-player, accepted the himself so much in the snares of love, that invitation; then exchanging weapons with he seemed quite enchanted by Emilia's Pipes, who stood behind him, put himself in charms, which were now indeed almost ira posture of defence, and received the attack resistible. While he thus heedlessly roved of his adversary, who struck at random, with- in the flowery paths of pleasure, his goverout either skill or economy. Pickle could nor at Oxford, alarmed at the unusual durahave beaten the cudgel out of his hand at the tion of his absence, went to the young genfirst blow; but as, in that case, he would tlemen who had accompanied him in his have been obliged in honour to give imme- excursion, and very earnestly entreated them diate quarter he resolved to discipline his to tell him what they knew concerning his ADVENTURES OF PEREGRINE PICKLE. 85 pupil. They accordingly gave him an ac- body is acted upon by a motion of power count of the rencounter that happened be- parallel to a right line given in position, this tween Peregrine and Miss Emily Gauntlet power, or motion, has no effect to cause the in the castle, and mentioned circumstances body to approach towards that line, or resufficient to convince him that his charge cede from it, but to move in a line parallel to was very dangerously engaged. a right line only, as appears from the second Far from having any authority over Pere- law of motion; therefore C A being parallel grine, Mr Jolter durst not even disoblige to D B"him; therefore, instead of writing to the His pupil having listened to him thus far, commodore, he took horse immediately, and could contain himself no longer, but interthat same night reached Windsor, where he rupted the investigation with a loud laugh, sound his stray sheep very much surprised at and told him, that his postulata put him in his unexpected arrival. mind of a certain learned and ingenious gen. The governor desiring to have some pri- tleman, who undertook to disprove the ex vate conversation with him, they shut them- istence of natural evil, and asked no other selves up in an apartment, when Jolter, with datum on which to found his demonstration, great solemnity, communicated the cause of but an acknowledgment that every thing his journey, which was no other than his that is is right. " You may, therefore," concern for his pupil's welfare; and very said he, in a peremptory tone, "spare yourgravely undertook to prove, by mathemati- self the trouble of torturing your invention; cal demonstration, that this intrigue, if far- for, after all, I am pretty certain that I shall ther pursued, would tend to the young gen- want capacity to comprehend the discussion tleman's ruin and disgrace. This singular of your lemma, and consequently be obliged proposition raised the curiosity of Peregrine, to refuse my assent to your deduction." who promised to yield all manner of atten- Mr Jolter was disconcerted at this declaration, and desired him to begin without fur- tion, and so much offended at Peregrine's ther preamble. disrespect, that -he could not help expressing The governor, encouraged with this ap- his displeasure, by telling him flatly, that he pearance of candour, expressed his satisfac- *was too violent and headstrong to be retion in finding him so open to conviction, claimed by reason and gentle means; that and told him he would proceed upon geome- he (the tutor) must be obliged, in the districal principles. Then, hemming thrice, he charge of his duty and conscience, to inform observed, that no mathematical inquiries the commodore of his pupil's imprudence; could be carried on, except upon certain that if the laws of this realm were effectual, data, or concession to truths that were self- they would take cognizance of the gipsy who evident; and therefore he must crave his had led him astray; and observed, by way assent to a few axioms, which he was sure of contrast, that, if such a preposterous inMr Pickle would see no reason to dispute. trigue had happened in France, she would "' In the first place, then," said he, "you have been clapped up in a convent two years will grant, I hope, that youth and discretion ago. are, with respect to each other, as two paral- Our lover's eyes kindled with indignation, lel lines, which, though infinitely produced, when he heard his mistress treated with remain still equidistant, and will never coin- such irreverence. He could scarce refrain cide; and then you must allow, that passion from inflicting manual chastisement on the acts upon the human mind in a ratio coin- blasphemer, whom he reproached in his pounded of the acuteness of sense and con- wrath as an arrogant pedant, without either stitutional heat; and, thirdly, you will not delicacy or sense; and cautioned him against deny that the angle of remorse is equal to using any such impertinent freedoms with that of precipitation. The postulata being his affairs for the future, on pain of incurring admitted," added he, taking pen, ink, and more severe effects of his resentment. paper, and drawing a parallelogram, "let Mr Jolter, who entertained very high noyouth be represented by the right line A B, tions of that veneration to which he thought and discretion by another right line, C D, himself entitled by his character and qualiparallel to the former. Complete the paral- fications, had not borne, without repining, lelogram A B C D, and let the point of in- his want of influence and authority over his tersection, B, represent perdition. Let pas- pupil, against whom he cherished a particu sion, represented under the letter C, have a lar grudge ever since the adventure of the motion in the direction C A. At the same painted eye; and therefore, on this occasion, time, let another motion be communicated to his politic forbearance had been overcome it, in the direction C D, it will proceed in by the accumulated motives of his disgust. the diagonal C B, and describe it in the Indeed, he would have resigned his charge same time that it would have described the with disdain, had he not been encouraged to side C A by the first motion, or the side C persevere, by the hopes of a good living D by the second. To understand the de- which Trunnion had in his gift, or known monstration of this corollary, we must pre- how to dispose of himself for the present to mise this obvious principle, that, when a better advantage. 86 SMOLLETT'S SELECT WORKS. respectable manner, I hope I shall behave as CHAPTER XXV. becomes, Sir, your obliged " P. PICKLE.".He receives a letterfrom his aunt, breaks The commodore, who did not understand with the commodore, and disobliges the those nice distinctions of behaviour, and lieutenant, who, nevertheless, undertakes dreaded the consequence of Peregrine's his cause. amour, against which he was strangely prepossessed, seemed exasperated at the insoMEANWHILE he quitted the youth in high lence and obstinacy of his adopted son; to dudgeon, and that same evening despatched whose epistle he wrote the following answer, a letter for Mrs Trunnion, which was dictated which was transmitted by the hands of Hatchby the first transports of his passion, and of way, who had orders to bring the delinquen course replete with severe animadversions along with him to the garrison. on the misconduct of his pupil. " Hark ye, child, you need not bring your In consequence of this complaint, it was fine speeches to bear upon me. You only not long before Peregrine received an epistle expend your ammunition to no purpose. Your from his aunt, wherein she commemorated aunt told you nothing but truth; for it is alall the circumstances of the commodore's ways fair and honest to be above board, d'ye benevolence towards him, when he was help- see. I am informed as how you are in chase less and forlorn, deserted and abandoned by of a painted galley, which will decoy you his own parents, upbraided him for his mis- upon the flats of destruction, unless you keep behaviour and neglect of his tutor's advice, a better look-out and a surer reckoning than and insisted upon his breaking off all inter- you have hitherto done; and I have sent Jack course with that girl who had seduced his Hatchway to see how the land lies, and'warn youth, as he valued the continuance of her you of your danger: if so be as you will put affection and her husband's regard. about ship, and let him steer you into this'As our lover's own ideas of generosity were harbour, you shall meet with a safe birth and extremely refined, he was shocked at the in- friendly reception; but if you refuse to alter delicate insinuations of Mrs Trunnion, and your course, you cannot expect any furfelt all the pangs of an ingenuous mind that ther assistance from yours, as you behave, labours under obligations to a person whom " HAWSER TRUNNION." it contemns. Far from obeying her injunc- Peregrine was equally piqued and discontion, or humbling himself by a submissive an- certed at the receipt of this letter, which was swer to her reprehension, his resentment quite different from what ho had expected, buoyed him up above every selfish considera- and declared in a resolute tone to the lieution; he resolved to attach himself to Emilia, tenant, who brought it, that he might return if possible, more than ever; and although he as soon as he pleased, for he was determined was tempted to punish the officiousness of to consult his own inclination, and remain for Jolter, by recriminating upon his life and some time longer where lie was. conversation, he generously withstood the Hatchway endeavoured to persuade him -impulse of his passion, because he knew that by all the arguments which his sagacity and his governor had no other dependence than friendship could supply, to show a little more the good opinion of the commodore. He could deference for the old man, who was by this not, however, digest in silence the severe time rendered fretful and peevish by the expostulations of his aunt, to which he re- gout, which now hindered him from enjoying plied by the following letter, addressed to her himself as usual, and who might, in his pashusband.' sion, take some step very much to the detri" SIR,-Though my temper could never ment of the young gentleman, whom he had stoop to offer, nor, I believe, your disposition hitherto considered as his own son. Among deign to receive, that gross incense which other remonstrances, Jack observed, that the illiberal only expect, and none but the mayhaps Peregrine had got under Emilia's base-mintded condescend to pay, my sen- hatches, and did not chuse to set her adrift; timents have always done justice to your and if that was the case, he himself would generosity, and my intention scrupulously take charge of the vessel, and see her cargo adhered to the dictates of my duty. Con- safely delivered; for he had a respect for the scions of this integrity of heart, I cannot but young woman, and his needle pointed towards severely feel your lady's unkind (I will not matrimony, and as, in all probability, she call it ungenerous) recapitulation of the fa- could not be much the worse for the wear, vours I have received; and, as I take it for he would ma-ke shift to scud through life granted that you knew and approved of her with her under an easy sail. letter, I must beg leave to assure you, that, Our lover was deaf to all his admonitions, far from being swayed by menaces and re- and, having thanked him for this last inproach, I am determined to embrace the most stance of his complaisance, repeated his reabject extremity of fortune, rather than sub- solution of adhering to his first purpose. nit to such a dishonourable compulsion. Hatchway having profited so little by mild When I am treated in a more delicate and. exhortations, assumed a more peremptory ADVENTURES OF PEREGRINE PICKLE. 87 aspect, and plainly told him he neither could "I have been your shipmate, and know you nor would go home without him; so he had to be a sailor, that's enough; and as for best make immediate preparation for the master, I know him to be as good a man as voyage. ever stepped between stem and stern, wherePeregrine made no other reply to this de- by, if you have any thing to say to him, I arm claration than by a contemptuous smile, and your man, as the saying is. Here's my saprose from his seat in order to retire; upon ling, and I don't value your crackers of a which the lieutenant started up, and posting rope's end." This oration, the longest that himself at the door, protested, with some ever Pipes was known to make, he concludmenacing gestures, that he would not suffer *ed with a flourish of his cudgel, and enforced him to run a-head neither. The other, in- with such determined refusals to lkave them, censed at his presumption, in attempting to that they found it impossible to bring the detain him by force, tripped up his wooden cause to mortal arbitrement at that time, and leg, and laid him on his back in a moment; strolled about the park in profound silence; then walked deliberately towards the park, during which Hatchway's indignation subsidin order to indulge his reflection, which at ing, he all of a sudden thrust out his hand, that time teemed with disagreeable thoughts. as an advance to reconciliation, which being He had not proceeded two hundred steps, cordially shaken by Peregrine, a general pawhen he heard something blowing and stamp- cification ensued, and was followed by a coning behind him; and, looking back, perceived sultation about the means of extricating the the lieutenant at his heels with rage and in- youth from his present perplexity. Had his dignation in his countenance. This exas- disposition been like that of most other young berated seaman, impatient of the affront he men, it would have been no difficult task to had received, and forgetting all the circum- overcome his difficulties; but such was the stances of their former intimacy, advanced obstinacy of his pride, that he deemed himwith great eagerness to his old friend, say- self bound in honour to resent the letters he ing, —" Look ye, brother, you'ri- a saucy boy, had received; and, instead of submitting to and if you were at sea, I would have your the pleasure of the commodore, expected an backside brought to the davit fbr your diso- acknowledgment from him, without which bedience; but as we are on shore, you and he would listen to no terms of accommoda[ must crack a pistol at one another; here tion. "Had I been his own son," said he, is a brace, you shall take which you please." "I should have bore his reproof, and sued Peregrine, upon recollection, was sorry for for forgiveness; but knowing myself to be having been laid under the necessity of dis- on the footing of an orphan, who depends obliging honest Jack, and very frankly asked entirely upon his benevolence, I am jealous his pardon for what he had done. But this of evdeiy thing that can be construed into discondescension was misinterpreted by the respect, and insist upon being treated with other, who refused any other satisfaction the most punctual regard. I shall now make than that which an officer ought to claim; application to my father, who is obliged to and, with some irreverent expressions, asked provide for me by the ties of nature, as well if Perry was afraid of his bacon. The youth, as the laws of the land: and if he shall refuse inflamed at this unjust insinuation, darted a to do me justice, I can never want employferocious look at the challenger, told him he ment while men are required for his majesty's had paid but too much regard to his infirmi- service." ties, and bid him walk forward to the park, The lieutenant, alarmed at this intimation, where he would soon convince him of his begged he would take no new step until lie error, if he thought his concession proceeded should hear from him; and that very evening from fear. set out for the garrison, where he gave TrunAbout this time they were overtaken by nion an account of the miscarriage of his nePipes, who having heard the lieutenant's fall, gotiation; told him how highly Peregrine was and seen him pocket his pistols, suspected offended at the letter; communicated the that there was a quarrel in the case, and young gentleman's sentiments and resolufollowed him with a view of protecting his tion; and, finally, assured him, that unless master. Peregrine seeing him arrive, and he should think proper to ask pardon for the guessing his intention, assumed an air of offence he had committed, he would, in all serenity, and pretending that he had left his appearance, never more behold the face of handkerchief at the inn, ordered his man to go his godson. thither and fetch it to him in the park, where The old comniodore was utterly confound he would find them at his return. This com- ed at this piece of intelligence; he had ex. mand was twice repeated before Tom would pected all the humility of obedience and conil take any other notice of the message, except tri'tion from the young man; and, instead ol by shaking his head; but being urged with that, received nothing but the most indig many threats and curses to obedience, he nant opposition, and even found himself in gave them to understand that he knew their the circumstances of an offender, obliged to drift too well to trust them by themselves. make attonement, or forfeit all correspon-'As for you, Lieutenant Hatchway," said he, dence with his favourite. These insolent 8 88 SMOLLETT'S SELECT WORKS. conditions at first threw him into an agony of and indignation, did not fail to feel the smartwrath, and he vented execrations with such ing suggestions of his present situation; after rapidity, that he left himself no time to having lived so long in an affluent andimpebreathe, and had almost been suffocated with rious manner, he could ill brook the thoughts his choler. He inveighed bitterly against of submitting tothe mortifying exigencies of the ingratitude of Peregrine, whom he men- life. All the gaudy schemes of pomp and tioned with many opprobrious epithets, and pleasure, which his luxuriant imagination swore that he ought to be keelhauled for had formed, began to dissolve, a train of melhis presumption; but when he began to re- ancholy ideas took possession ofhisthoughts, flect more coolly upon the spirit of the young and the prospect of losing Emilia was not gentleman, which had already manifested the least part of his affliction. Though he itself on many occasions, and listened to the endeavoured to suppress the chagrin that suggestions of Hatchway, whom he had al- preyed upon his heart, he could not conceal ways considered as an oracle in his way, his the disturbance of his mind from the peneresentment abated, and he determined to take tration of that amiable young lady, who symPerry into favour again: this placability be- pathised with him in her heart, though she ing not a little facilitated by Jack's narrative could not give her tongue the liberty of askof our hero's intrepid behaviour at the as- ing the cause of his disorder: for, notwithsembly, as well as in the contest with him in standing all the ardour of his addresses, he the park. But still this plaguy amour oc- never could obtain from her the declaration curred like a bugbear to his imagination; for of a mutual flame; because, though he had he held it as an infallible maxim, that woman hitherto treated her with the utmost reverwas an eternal source of misery to man. In- ence of respect, he had never once mentiondeed this apothegm he seldom repeated since ed the final aim of his passion. However his marriage, except in the company of a very honourable she supposed it to be, she had few inmates, to whose secrecy and discre- discernment enough to foresee that vanity or tion he could trust. Finding Jack himself interest, co-operatingwith thelevity ofyouth, at a nonplus in the affair of Emilia, he con- might one day deprive her of her lover, and sulted Mrs Trunnion, who was equally sur- she was too proud to give him any handle of prised and offended when she understood exulting at her expense. Although he was that her letter did not produce the desired received by her with the most distinguished effect; and, after having imputed the youth's civility, and even an intimacy of friendship, obstinacy to his uncle's unseasonable indul- all his solicitations could never extort from gence, had recourse to the advice of the par- her an acknowledgment of love; on the conson, who, still with an eye to his friend's ad- trary, being of a gay disposition, she somevantage, counselled them to send the young times coquetted with other admirers, that his gentleman on his travels, in the course of attention, thus whetted, might never abate, which he would, in all probability, forget the and that he might see she had other resouramusements of his greener years. The pro- ces, in case he should flag in his affection. posal was judicious, and immediately approv- This being the prudential plan on which ed; when Trunnion, going into his closet, she acted, it cannot be supposed that she after divers efforts, produced the following would condescend to inquire into the state billet, with which Jack departed for Wind- of his thoughts, when she saw him thus afsor that same afternoon. fected, but she, nevertheless, imposed that "MY GOODLAD, —If I gave offence in my task on her cousin and confidant, who, as last letter, I'm sorry for't, d'ye see; I thought they walked together in the park, observed it was the likeliest way to bring you up; but, that he seemed to be out of humour. When in time to come, you shall have a larger swing this is the case, such a question generally of cable. When you can spare time, I shall increases the disease; at least it had that be glad if you will make a short trip, and see effect upon Peregrine, who replied somewhat your aunt, and him who is your loving god- peevishly, " I assure you, madam, you never tather and humble servant, was more mistaken in your observations.""HAWSER TRUNNION." "I think so too," said Emilia, " for I never'P.S. If you want money, you may draw saw Mr Pickle in higher spirits." This ironUpon me, payable at sight." ical encomium completed his confusion; he affected to smile, but it was a smile of anguish, and in his heart he cursed the vivacity CHAPTER XXVI. of both. He could not for his soul recollect himself so as to utter one connected senIle becomes melancholy and despondent; is tence; and the suspicion that they observed favoured with a condescending letterfrom every circumstance of his behaviour, threw his uncle; reconciles himself to his go- such a damp on his spirits, that he was quite vernor, and sets out with Emilia and her overwhelmed with shame and resentment, friend for Mrs Gauntlet's house. when Sophy, casting her eyes toward the gate, said, "Yonder is your servant, Mr PEREGRINE, fortified as he was with pride Pickle, with another man who seems to have ADVENTURES OF PEREGRINE PICKLE. 89 a wooden leg." Peregrine started at this from his most tender years. Neither did intelligence and immediately underwent sun- he believe a short absence would tend to the dry changes of complexion, knowing that his prejudice of his love, but, on the contrary, fate in a great measure depended upon the enhance the value of his heart, because he information he would receive from his friend. should return better'accomplished, and conHatchway, advancing to the company, af- sequently a more welcome offering to his ter a brace of sea bows to the ladies, took nistress. Elevatled with these sentiments, the youth aside and put the commodore's let- his heart dilated with joy, and the sluices of ter into his hand, which threw him into such his natural benevolence being opened by this an agitation that he could scarce pronounce happy turn of his affairs, he sent his compli"Ladies will you give me leave?" When, in ments to Mr Jolter, to whom he had not consequence of their permission, he attempt- spoken during a whole week, and desired he ed to open the billet, he fumbled with such would favour Mr Hatchway and him with his manifest disorder, that his mistress, who company at supper. watched his motions, began to think there The governor was not weak enough to dewas something very interesting in the mes- cline this invitation; in consequence of sage; and so much was she affected with his which he forthwith appeared, and was corconcern, that she was fain to turn her head dially welcomed by the relenting pupil, who another way, and wipe the tears from her expressed his sorrow for the misunderstandlovely eyes. ing which had prevailed between them, and Meanwhile, Peregrine no sooner read the assured him, that, for the future, he would first sentence, than his countenance, which avoid giving him any just cause of complaint. before was overcast with a deep gloom, be- -Jolter, who did not want affection, was gan to be lighted up, and every feature un- melted by this acknowledgment, which he bending by degrees, he recovered his sereni- could not have expected, and earnestly proty. Having perused the letter, his eyes tested, that his chief study had always been, sparkling with joy and gratitude, he hugged and ever should be, to promote Mr. Pickle's the lieutenant in his arms, and presented him interest and happiness. to the ladies as one of his best friends. Jack The best part of the night being spent in met with a most gracious reception, and the circulation of a cheerful glass, the comshook Emilia by the hand, telling her, with a pany broke up; and next morning Peregrine familiar appellation of old acquaintance, that went out with a view of making his mistress he did not care W]ow soon he was master of acquainted with his uncle's intention of sendsuch another clean-going frigate as herself. ing him out of the kingdom for his improveThe whole company partook of the fa- ment, and of saying every thing which he vourable change that evidently appeared in thought necessary for the interest of his love. our lover's recollection, and enlivened his He found her at breakfast with her cousin; conversation with such an uncommon flow and, as he was very full of the subject of his of sprightliness and good humour, as even visit, had scarce fixed himself in his seat, made an impression on the iron countenance when he brought it upon the carpet, by askof Pipes himself, who actually smiled with ing, with a smile, if the ladies had any comsatisfaction as he walked behind them. mands for Paris. Emilia, at this question, The evening being pretty far advanced, began to stare, and her confidant desired to they directed their course homeward; and know who was going thither. He no sooner while the valet attended Hatchway to the gave them to understand that he himself ininn, Peregrine escorted the ladies to their tended in a short time to visit that capital, lodgings, where he owned the justness of than his mistress, with great precipitation, Sophy's remark, in saying lie was out of hu- wished him a good journey, and affected to mour, and told them he had been extremely talk with indifference about the pleasures he chagrined at a difference which had happen- would enjoy in France; but when he serioused between him and his uncle, to whom (by ly assured Sophy, who asked if he was in the letter which they had seen him receive) earnest, that his uncle actually insisted upon he now found himself happily reconciled. his making a short tour, the tears gushed Having received their congratulations, and into poor Emilia's eyes, and she was at declined staying to sup with them, on ac- great pains to conceal her concern, by obcount of the longing desire he had to con- serving that the tea was so scalding hot, as verse with his friend Jack, he took his leave, to make her eyes water. This pretext was and repaired to the inn, where Hatchway too thin to impose upon her lover, or even informed him of every thing that had hap- deceive the observation of her friend Sophy, pened in the garrison upon his representa- who, after breakfast, took an opportunity of tions. Far from being disgusted, he was quitting the room. perfectly well pleased with the prospect of Thus left by themselves, Peregrine imgoing abroad, which flattered his vanity and parted to her what he had learned of the ambition, gratified his thirst after know- commodore's intention, without, however, ledge, and indulged that turn for observa- mentioning a syllable of his being offended tion, for which he had been remarkable at their correspondence, and accompanied M 90 SMOLLETT'S SELECT WORKS. his information with such fervent vows of Heavens! what were the emotions of his eternal constancy and solemn promises of a soul, when he beheld the volumes of flame speedy return, that Emilia's heart, which and smoke rolling towards the room where had been invaded by a suspicion that this his dear Emilia lay! Regardless of his own scheme of travelling was the effect of her danger, he darted himself through the thicklover's inconstancy, began to be more at est of the gloom, when knocking hard, and ease; and she could not help signifying her calling at the same time to the ladies, with approbation of his design. the most anxious entreaty to be admitted, This affair being amicably compromised, the door was opened by Emilia in her shlift, he asked how soon she proposed to set out who asked, with the utmost trepidation, for her mother's house; and understanding what was the matter. He made no reply, that her departure was fixed for next day but but snatching her up in his arms, like anone, and that her cousin Sophy intended to other XAineas, bore her through the flames to accompany her in her father's chariot, he re- a place of safety; where, leaving her before peated his intention of attending her. In she could recollect herself, or pronounce one the mean time he dismissed his governor and word, but " Alas! my cousin Sophy!" he the lieutenant to the garrison, with his com- flew back to the rescue of that young lady, pliments to his aunt and the commodore, and and found her already delivered by Pipes, a faithful promise of his being with them in who, having been alarmed by the smell of six days at the farthest. fire, had got up, rushed immediately to the These previous measures being taken, he, chamber where he klnew these companions attended by Pipes, set out with the ladies; lodged, and (Emily being saved by her lover) and they had also a convoy for twelve miles brought off Miss Sophy with the loss of his from Sophy's father, who at parting recom- own shock head of hair, which was singed mended them piously to the care of Pere- off in his retreat. grine, with whom, by this time, he was per- By this time the whole inn was alarmed; fectly well acquainted. every lodger, as well as servant, exerted himself, in order to stop the progress of this calamity; and there being a well replenishCHAPTER XXVII. ed horse-pond in the yard, in less than an hour the fire was totally extinguished, withThey meet with a dreadful alarm on the out having done any other damage than that road-arrive at their journey's end — of consuming about two yards of the wooden Peregrine is introduced to Emilia's bro- gallery. ther-these two young gentlemen misun- All this time our young gentleman closely derstand each other-Pickle departs for attended his fair charge, each of whom had the garrison. swooned with apprehension; but as their constitutions were good, and their spirits not As they travelled at an easy rate, they had easily dissipated, when, upon reflection, they performed something more than one half found themselves and their company safe, of their journey, when they were benighted and that the flames were happily quenched, near an inn, at which they resolved to lodge; the tumult of their fears subsided, they put the accommodation was very good; they on their clothes, recovered their good husupped together with great mirth and enjoy- mour, and began to rally each other on the ment, and it was not till after he had been trim in which they had been secured. $Sophy warned by the yawns of the ladies, that he observed, that now Mr Pickle had an indisconducted them to their apartment; where, putable claim to her cousin's affection; and wishing them good night, he retired to his own, therefore she ought to lay aside all affected and went to rest. reserve for the future, and frankly avow the The house was crowded with country peo- sentiments of her heart. Emily retorted the ple who had been at a neighbouring fair, argument, putting her in mind, that, by the and now regaled themselves with ale and to- same claim, Mr Pipes was entitled to the like bacco in the yard; so that their considera- return fromn her. Her friend admitted the tion, which at any time was but slender, force of the conclusion, provided she could being now overwhelmed by this debauch, not find means of satisfying her deliverer in they staggered into their respective kennels, another shape; and turning to the valet, who and left a lighted candle sticking to one of happened to be present, asked if his heart the wooden pillars that supported the gal- was not otherwise engaged. Tom, who did lery. The flame in a little time laid hold on not conceive the meaning of the question, the wood, which was as dry as tinder, and stood silent, according to custom; and the the whole gallery was on fire, when Pere- interrogation being repeated, answered with grine suddenly awaked, and found himself a grin, "Heart whole as a biscuit, I'll assure almost saffocated. He sprung up in an in- you, mistress." " What!" said Emilia, stant, slipped on his breeches, and throwing "have you never been in love, Thomas 3" open the door of his chamber, saw the whole "Yes, forsooth," replied the valet, without entry in a blaze. hesitation, "sometimes of a morning. Pin. ADVENTURES OF PEREGRINE PICKLE. 91 egrine could not help laughing, and his mis- he should look upon himself as the object of tress looked a little disconcerted, at this blunt her disdain. Her eyes kindled, and her repartee: while Sophy, slipping a purse into cheeks glowed with resentment, at this impuhis hand, told him there was something to dent intimation, which she considered as an purchase a periwig. Tom, having consult- unseasonable insult; and the young gentleed his master's eyes, refused the present, man, perceiving her emotion, stood correctsaying, "' No, thank ye as much as if did." ed for his temerity, and asked pardon for the And, though she insisted upon his putting it liberty of his remonstrance, which le hoped in his pocket, as a small testimony of her she would ascribe to the prevalence of that gratitude, he could not be prevailed upon to principle alone which he had always taken avail himself of her generosity; but, follow- pride in avowing. ing her to the other end of the room, thrust Sophy, seeing him disconcerted, interposit into her sleeve without ceremony, exclaim- ed in his behalf, and chid her cousin for having-" I'll be damn'd to h —ll if I do." Per- ing practised such unnecessary affectation; egrine, having checked him for his boorish upon which Emilia, softened into compliance, behbaviour, sent him out of the room, and held out her finger as a signal of her condebegged that Miss Sophy would not bndea- scension. Peregrine put on the ring with vour to debauch the morals of his servant, great eagerness, mumbled her soft white who, though rough and uncultivated as he hand in an extacy, which would not allow was, had sense enough to perceive that he him to confine his embraces to that limb, but had no pretension to any such acknowledg- urged him to seize her by the waist, and ment. But she argued with great vehemence snatch a delicious kiss from her love-pouting that she should never be able to make an ac- lips; nor would he leave her a butt to the knowledgment adequate to the service he had ridicule of Sophy, on whose mouth he indone her, and that she should never be per- stantly committed a rape of the same nature; fectly easy in her own mind, until she found so that the two friends, countenanced by some opportunity of manifesting the sense each other, reprehended him with such genshe had of the obligation: "I do not pre- tleness of rebuke, that he was almost tempttend," said she, "to reward Mr Pipes; but ed to repeat the offence. I shall be absolutely unhappy, unless I am The morning being now lighted up, and allowed to give him some token of my re- the servants of the inn on foot, he ordered gard." some chocolate for breakfast, and, at the dePeregrine, thus earnestly solicited, desir- sire of the ladies, sent Pipes to see the horses ed that, since she was bent upon displaying fed, and the chariot prepared, while he went her generosity, she would not bestow upon to the bar and discharged the bill. him any pecuniary gratification, but honour These measures being taken, they set out him with some trinket, as a mark of consid- about five o'clock, and having refreshed themeration; because he himself had such a par- selves and their cattle at another inn on the ticular value for the fellow, on account of road, proceeded in the afternoon. Without his attachment and fidelity, that he should meeting with any other accident, they safebe sorry to.see him treated on the footing of ly arrived at the place of their destinations, a common mercenary domestic. where Mrs Gauntlet expressed her joy at seeThere was not one jewel in the possession ing her old friend Mr Pickle, whom, however, of this grateful young lady, that she would not she kindly reproached for the long discontinhave gladly given as a recompense, or badge uance of his regard. Without explaining of distinction, to her rescuer; but his master the cause of that interruption, he protested, pitched upon a seal-ring of no great value, that his love and esteem had never been disthat hung at her watch, and Pipes being call- continued, and that, for the future, he should ed in, had permission to accept that testimo- omit no occasion of testifying how much he ny of Miss Sophy's favour. Tom received had her friendship at heart. She then made it accordingly with sundry scrapes, and, hav- him acquainted with her son, who at that ing kissed it with great devotion, put it on time was in the house, being excused from his little finger, and strutted off, extremely his duty by furlough. proud of his acquisition. This young man, whose name was GodEmilia, with a most enchanting sweetness frey, was about the age of twenty, of a midof aspect, told her lover, that he had instruct- dling size, vigorous make, remarkably well ed her how to behave towards him; and tak- shaped; and the scars of the small pox, of ing a diamond ring from her finger, desired which he bore a good number, added a pecuhe would wear it for her sake. He received liar manliness to the air of his countenance. the pledge as became him, and presented an- His capacity was good, and his disposition other in exchange, which she at first refused, naturally firank and easy; but he had been a alleging, that it would destroy the intent of soldier from his infancy, and his educationl her acknowledgment; but Peregrine assured was altogether in the military style. He her, he had accepted her jewel, not as a looked upon taste and letters as mere podproof of her gratitude, but as the mark of her antry, beneath the consideration of a gentlelove; and that, if she refused a mutual token, man; and every civil station of life as mean, 92 SMOLLE'rT'S SELECT WORKS. when compared with the profession of arms. knowing how far he could depend upon her He had made great progress in the gymnastic love; and, in short, she was plied with such sciences of dancing, fencing, and riding, irresistible importunities, that she answered, played perfectly well on the German flute, in the utmost confusion, —"Though I have and, above all things, valued himself upon a avoided literal acknowledgments, methinks scrupulous observance of all the points of the circumstances of my behaviour might honour. have convinced Mr Pickle that I do not reHad Peregrine and he considered them- gard him as a common acquaintance." " My selves upon equal footing, in all probability charming Emily!" cried the impatient lover, they would have immediately entered into a throwing himself at her feet, "why will you league of intimacy and friendship: but this deal out my happiness in such scanty porsufficient soldier looked upon his sister's ad- tions why will you thus mince the declaramirer as a young student, raw from the uni- tion which would overwhelm me with pleaversity, and utterly ignorant of mankind; sure, and cheer my lonely reflection, while I while Squire Pickle beheld Godfrey in the sigh amid the solitude of separation " His light of a needy volunteer, greatly inferior to fair mistress, melted by this image, replied, himself in fortune, as well as every other ac- with the tears gushing from her eyes,-" I'm complishment. This mutual misunderstand- afraid I shall feel that separation more seing could not fail of producing animosities. verely than you imagine." Transported at The very next day after Peregrine's arrival, this flattering confession, he pressed her to some sharp repartees passed between them his breast, and, while her head reclined upon in presence of the ladies, before whom each his neck, mingled his tears with her's in great endeavoured to assert his own superiority. abundance, breathing the most tender vows In these contests our hero never failed of ob- of eternal fidelity. The gentle heart of Sotaining the victory, because his genius was phy could not bear this scene unmoved; she more acute, and his talents better cultivated wept with sympathy, and encouraged the lothan those of his antagonist, who therefore vers to resign themselves to the will of fate, took umbrage at his success, became jealous and support their spirits with the hope of of his reputation, and began to treat him with meeting again on happier terms. Finally, marks of scorn and disrespect. after mutual promises, exhortations, and enHis sister saw, and dreading the conse- dearments, Peregrine took his leave, his quence of his ferocity, not only took him to heart being so full, that he could scarce protask in private for his impolite behaviour, nounce the word adieu! and, mounting his but also entreated her lover to make allow- horse at the door, set out with Pipes for the ances for the roughness of her brother's edu- garrison. cation. He kindly assured her, that, whatever pains it might cost him to vanquish his own impetuous temper, le would for her sake CHAPTER XXVIII. endure all the mortifications to which her brother's arrogance might expose him; and Peregrine is overtaken by Mr Gauntlet, after having stayed with her two days, and with whom he fights a duel, and contracts enjoyed several private interviews, during an intimate friendship-he arrives at the which he acted the part of a most passionate garrison, and finds his mother as implalover, he took his leave of Mrs Gauntlet over cable as ever-he is insulted by his bronight, and told the young ladies he would ther Gam, whose preceptor he disciplines call early next morning to bid them farewell. with a horse-whip. He did not neglect this piece of duty, and found the two friends and breakfast already IN order to expel the melancholy images prepared in the parlour. All three being ex- that took possession of his fancy at parting tremely affected with the thoughts of parting, from his mistress, he called in the flattering a most pathetic silence for some time pre- ideas of those pleasures he expected to envailed, till Peregrine put an end to it, by la- joy in France; and, before he had rode ten menting his fate, in being obliged to exile miles, his imagination was effectually amused. himself so long from the dear object of his While he thus prosecuted his travels by most interesting wish. He begged, with the anticipation, and indulged himself in all the most earnest supplications, that she would insolence of hope, at a turning of a lane he now, in consideration of the cruel absence was all of a sudden overtaken by Emilia's he must suffer, give him the consolation which brother on horseback, who told him he was she had hitherto refused, namely, that of riding the same way, and should be glad of knowing he possessed a place within her his company. heart. The confidant seconded his request, This young gentleman, whether prompted representing, that it was now no time to dis- by personal pique, or actuated with zeal for guise her sentiments, when her lover was the: honour of his family, had followed our about to leave the kingdom, and might be in he,), with a view of obliging him to explain danger of contracting other connexions, un- the nature of his attachment to his sister. less he was confirmed in his constancy, by Peregrine returned his compliment with such ADVENTURES OF PEREGRINE PICKLE. 93 disdainful civility, as gave him room to be- heat, stood upon the defensive. In the selieve that he suspected his errand; and there- cond lounge, Peregrine's weapon entering a fore, without further preamble, he declared his kind of net-work in the shell of Godfrey's business, in these words: —" Mr Pickle, you sword, the blade snapped in two, and left have carried on a correspondence with my him at the mercy of the soldier, who, far sister for some tine, and I should be glad to from making an insolent use of the victory know the nature of it." To this question lhe had gained, put up his toledo with great our lover replied,-" Sir, I should be glad to deliberation, like a man who had been used know what title you have to demand that to that kind of rencounter, and observed, that satisfaction." "Sir," answered the other, "I such a blade as Peregrine's was not to be demand it in the capacity of a brother, jealous trusted with a man's life: then advising the of his own honour, as well as of his sister's owner to treat a gentleman in distress with reputation; and if your intentions are honour- more respect for the fiuture, he slipped on his able, you will not refilse it." "s Sir," said boots, and, with sullen dignity of demeanour, Peregrine, " I am not at present disposed to stalked back to the inn. appeal to your opinion for the rectitude of Though Pickle was extremely mortified at my intentions; and I think you assume a his miscarriage in this adventure, he was little too much importance in pretending to also struck with the behaviour of his antagojudge my conduct." "Sir," replied the sol- nist, which affected him the more, as he undier, " I pretend to judge the conduct. of every derstood that Godfrey's fierte had proceeded man who interferes with my concerns, and from the jealous sensibility of a gentleman even to chastise him, if I think he acts declined into the vale of misfortune. Gauntamiss." " Chastise!" cried the youth, with let's valour and moderation induced him to indignation in his looks, " sure you dare not put a favourable construction on all those apply that term to me!" "You are mis- circumstances of that young soldier's contaken," said Godfrey; "I dare do any thing duct, which had before given him disgust. that becomes the character of a gentleman." Though in any other case, he would have in"Gentleman! God wot! replied the other, dustriously avoided the least appearance of looking contemptuously at his equipage, which submission, he followed his conqueror to the was none of the most superb; "a very pretty inn, with the view of thanking him for his gentleman, truly!" The soldier's wrath was generous forbearance, and soliciting his inflamed by this ironical repetition, the con- friendship and correspondence. tempt of which his conscious poverty made Godfrey had his foot in the stirrup to him feel; and he called his antagonist pre- mount, when Peregrine coming up to him, sumptuous boy! insolent upstart! with other desired he would defer his departure for a epithets, which Perry retorted with great quarter of an hour, and favour him with a bitterness. A formal challenge having passed little private conversation. The soldier, who between them, they alighted at the first inn, mistook the meaning of the request, immediand walked into the next field, in order to de- ately quitted his horse, and followed Pickle cide their quarrel by the sword. Having into a chamber, where he expected to find a pitched upon the spot, helped to pull off each brace of pistols loaded on the table; but he other's boots, and laid aside their coats and was very agreeably deceived, when our hero, waistcoats, Mr Gauntlet told his opponent, in the most respectful terms, acknowledged that he himself was looked upon in the army his noble deportment in the field, owned that as an expert swordsman; and that, if Mr till then he had misunderstood his character, Pickle had not made that science his'particu- and begged that he would honour him with lar study, they should be upon a more equal his intimacy and correspondence. footing in using pistols. Peregrine was too Gauntlet, who had seen undoubted proofs much incensed to thank him for his plain of Peregrine's courage, which had considerdealing, and too confident of his own skill to ably raised him in his esteem, and had sense relish the other's proposal, which he accord- enough to perceive that this concession was ingly rejected: then, drawing his sword, he not owing to any sordid or sinister motive, observed, that, were he to treat Mr Gauntlet embraced his offer with demonstrations of accordingly to his deserts, he would order his infinite satisfaction. When he understood man to punish his audacity with a horse. the terms on which Mr Pickle was with his whip. Exasperated atthis expression,which sister, he proffered his service in his turn, he considered as an indelible affront, he made either as agent, mediator, or confidant: nay, no reply, but attacked his adversary with to give his new friend a convincing proof equal ferocity and address. The youth par- of his sincerity, he disclosed to him a pasried his first and second thrust, but received sion which he had for some time entertained the third in the outside of his sword arm. for his cousin Miss Sophy, though he durst Though the wound was superficial, he not reveal his sentiments to her father, lest was transported with rage at the sight of his he should be offended at his presumption, own blood, and returned the assault with and withdraw his protection from the family. such fury and precipitation, that Gauntlet, Peregrine's generous heart was wrung loath to take advantage of his unguarded with anguish when he understood that this 94 SMOLLETT'S SELECT WORKS. young gentleman, who was the only son of not to be doubted that the old gentleman a distinguished officer, had carried arms for highly enjoyed the presence of Peregrine, the space of five years, without being able to who found means to ingratiate himself so obtain a subaltern's commission, though he effectually with his aunt, that, while he rehad always behaved with remarkable regu- mained at-home, she seemed to have exchanglarity and spirit, and acquired the friendship ed the disposition of a tigress for that of a and esteem of all the officers under whom he gentle kid: but he found his own mother as had served. implacable, and his father as much henpecked He would at that time, with the utmost as ever. pleasure, have shared his finances; but, as Gamaliel, who now very seldom enjoyed he would not run the risk of offending the the conversation of his old friend the comyoung soldier's delicacy of honour, by a pre- modore, had some time ago entered into an mature exertion of his liberality, he resolved amicable society, consisting of the barber, to insinuate himself into an intimacy with apothecary, attorney, and exciseman of the him, before he would venture to take such parish, among whom he used to spend the freedoms; and, with that view, pressed Mr evening at Tunley's, and listen to their disGauntlet to accompany him to the garrison, putes upon philosophy and politics with great where he did not doubt of having influence comfort and edification, while his sovereign enough to make him a welcome guest. God- lady domineered at home as usual, visited frey thanked him very courteously for his in- with great pomp in the neighborhood, emvitation, which he said he could not imme- ployed her chief care in the education of her diately accept; but promised, if he would darling son Gam, who was now in the fiffavour him with a letter, and fix the time at teenth year of his age, and so remarkable for which he proposed to set out for France, he his perverse disposition, that, in spite of his would endeavour to visit him at the coinmo- mother's influence and authority, he was not dore's habitation, and from thence give him only hated, but also despised both at home a convoy to Dover. This new treaty being and abroad. She had put him under the settled, and a dossil of lint, with a snip of tuition of the curate, who lived in the family, plaster, applied to our adventurer's wound, and was obliged to attend him in all his lie parted from the brother of his dear Elni- exercises and excursions. The governor lia, to whom, and his friend Sophy, he sent was a low-bred fellow, who had neither exhis kindest wishes; and having lodged one perience nor ingenuity, but possessed a night upon the road, arrived next day in the large fund of adulation and servile comafternoon at the garrison, where he found all plaisance, by which he had gained the good his friends in good health, and overjoyed at graces of Mrs Pickle, and presided over all his return. her deliberations, in the same manner as his The commodore, who was by this time superior managed those of Mrs Trunnion. turned of seventy, and altogether crippled by He had one day rode out to take the air the gout, seldom went abroad, and, as his with his pupil, who, as I have already observconversation was not very entertaining, had ed, was odious to the poor people, for having but little company within doors; so that his killed their dogs, and broken their inclosures, spirits must have quite stagnated, had they and, on account of his hump, was distinguishnot been kept in motion by the conversation ed by the title of 11Jy Lord, when, in a narof Hatchway, and received, at different row lane they chanced to meet Peregrine on times, a wholesome fillip from the discipline horseback. of his spouse, who, by the force of pride, re- The young squire no sooner perceived his ligion, and coniac, had erected a most terri- elder brother, against whom he had been inble tyranny in the house. There was such structed to bear the most inveterate grudge, a quick circulation of domestics in the fami- than he resolved to insult him en passant, and ]y, that every suit of livery had been worn actually rode against him full gallop. Our by figures of all dimensions. Trunnion him- hero, guessing his aim, fixed himself in his self had, long before this time, yielded to the stirrups, and by a dexterous management of torrent of her arbitrary sway, though not thereins, avoided the shock in such a manner, without divers obstinate efforts to maintain as that their legs only should encounter, by his liberty; and now that he was disabled by which means My Lord was tilted out of his his infirmities, when he used to hear his em- saddle, and, in a twinkling, laid sprawling in press singing the loud Orthyan song among the dirt. The governor, enraged at the disthe servants below, he would often, in whis- grace of his charge, advanced with great inpers, communicate to the lieutenant hints of solence and fury, and struck at Peregrine with what be would do, if so be as how he was his whip. Nothing could be more agreeable not deprived of his precious limbs. HIatch- to our young gentleman than this assault, way was the only person whom the temper which furnished him with an opportunity of of Mrs Trunnion respected, either because chastising an officious wretch, whose petushe dreaded his ridicule, or looked upon his lance and malice he hadlonged to punish. He, person with eyes of affection. This being therefore, spurring up his horse towards his She situation of things in the garrison, it is antagonist, overthrew him in the middle of a ADVENTTURES OF PEREGRINE PICKLE. 95 hedge. Before he had time to recollect him- not refuse to answer, though he stood sweatself from the confusion of the fall, Pickle ing with agony all the time, stretching his neck alighted in a trice, and exercised his horse- every instant towards the window through whip with such agility about the curate's face which the voices were conveyed, stratching and ears, that he was fain to prostrate himn- his head, and exhibiting sundry other sympself before his enraged conqueror, and implore toms of impatience and agitation. At length his forbearance in the most abject terms. the supposed conversation came to such a While Peregrine was thus employed, his bro- pitch of amorous complaisance, that the husther Gam had made shift to rise and attack band, quite frantic with his imaginary dishim in the rear; for which reason, when the grace, rushed out at the door crying, "coming, tutor was quelled, the victor faced about, sir." But,as hewasobligedtomake acircuit snatched the weapon out of his hand, and hav- round one half of the house, Peregrine had ing broken it in pieces, remounted his horse got in by the window before Tunley arrived and rode off, without deigning to honour him in the yard. with any other notice. According to the feigned intelligence he The condition in which they returned pro- had received, he ran directly to the barn, in duced infinite clamour against the conqueror, expectation of making some, very extraordiwho was represented as a ruffian who hadlain nary discovery; and having employed some in ambush to make away with his brother, in minutes in rummaging the straw to no purwhose defence the curate was said to have re- pose, returned in a state of distraction to the ceived those cruel stripes, that hindered him kitchen, just as his wife chanced to enter at from appearing for three whole weeks in the the other door. The circumstances of her performance of his duty at church. appearance confirmed him in the opinion that Complaints were made to the commodore, the deed was done. As the disease of being who, having inquired into the circumstances henpecked was epidemic in the parish, he of the affair, approved of what his nephew durst not express the least hint of his uneahad done; adding, with many oaths, that, siness to her, but resolved to take vengeance provided Peregrine had been out of the scrape, on the libidinous priest, who, he imagined, he wished Crook-back had broke his neck in had corrupted the chastity of his spouse. the fall. The two confederates, in order to be certified that their scheme had taken effect, as well as to blow up the flame which they had CHAPTER XXIX. kindled, called for Tunley, in whose countenance they could easily discern his confusion. He projects a plan of revenge, which is exe- Pereorine, desiring him to sit down and drink cuted against the curate. a glass with them, began to interrogate him about his family, and, among other things, OUR hero, exasperated at the villany of the asked him how long he had been married to curate in the treacherous misrepresentation that handsome wife. This question, which he had made of this rencounter, determined was put with an arch significance of look, to practise upon him a method of revenge, alarmed the publican, who began to fear that which should be not only effectual, but also Pickle had overheard his dishonour; and this unattended with any bad consequence to him- suspicion was not at all removed, when the self. For this purpose he and Hatchway, to lieutenant, with a sly regard, pronounced, whom he imparted his plan, went to the ale- " Tunley, wan't you noosed by the curate?" house one evening, and called for an empty " Yes, I was," replied the landlord, with an room, knowing there was no other but that; eagerness and perplexity of tone, as if he which they had chosen for the scene of action. thought the lieutenant knew that thereby This apartment was a sort of a parlour, that hung a tale; and Hatchway supported this fronted the kitchen, with a window towards suspicion by answering,-" Nay, as for that the yard; where, after they had sat some time, matter, the curate may be a very sufficient man the lieutenant found means to amuse the land- in his way." This transition from his wife to lord in discourse, while Peregrine, stepping the curate, convinced him that his shame was out into the yard, by the talent of mimicry, known to his guests; and, in the transport which he possessed in a surprising degree, of his indignation, he pronounced with great counterfeited a dialogue between the curate emphasis, —' A sufficient man! odds heart! and Tunley's wife. This reaching the ears I believe they are wolves in sheep's clothing. of the publican, for whose hearing it was cal- I wish to God I could see the day, master, culated, inflamed his naturally jealous dispo- when there shall not be a priest, an excisesition to such a degree, that he could not con- man, or a custom house officer in this kingceal his emotion, but made an hundred efforts dom. As for that fellow of a curate, if I do to quit the room; while the lieutenant, smok- catch him-it don't signify talking-but, by ing his pipe with great gravity, as if he neither the Lord4 —gentlemen, my service to you." heard what passed, nor took notice of the The associates being satisfied, by these ablandlord's disorder, detained him on the spot rupt insinuations, that they had so far sucby a succession of questions which he could ceeded in their aim, waited with impatience 96 SMOLLETT'S SELECT WORKS. two or three days, in expectation of hearing imaginary cuckold, not satisfied with annoythat Tunley had fallen upon some method of- ing the priest in this manner, laid hold on being revenged for this imaginary wrong: but one of his ears with his teeth, and bit so unfinding that either his invention was too shal- mercifully, that the curate was found almost low, or his inclination too languid, to gratify entranced with pain by two labourers, at their desire of his own accord, they deter- whose approach the assailant retreated unmined to bring the affair to such a crisis, that perceived. he should not be able to withstand the op- The lieutenant had posted himself at the portunity of executing his vengeance. With window, in order to see the landlord at his this view they one evening hired a boy to first return; and no sooner perceived him enrun to Mr Pickle's house and tell the curate ter the yard, than he called him into the that Mrs Tunley, being taken suddenly ill, apartment, impatient to learn the effects of her husband desired he would come irnmedi- their stratagem. Tunley obeyed the sumately, and pray with her. Meanwhile they mons, and appeared before his guests in all had taken possession of a room in the house; the violence of rage, disorder, and fatigue; and Hatchway engaging the landlord in con- his nostrils were dilated more than one half versation, Peregrine, in his return from the beyond their natural capacity, his eyes rollyard, observed, as if by accident, that the ed, his teeth chattered, he snored in breathparson was gone into the kitchen, in order, ing as if he had been oppressed by the nightas he supposed, to catechise Tunley's wife. mare, and streams of sweat flowed down The publican started at this intelligence, each side of his forehead. and, under pretence of serving another com- Peregrine, affecting to start at the appany in the next room, went out to a barn, proach of such an uncouth figure, asked if where, arming himself with a flail, he re- he had been wrestling with a spirit; upon paired to a lane through which the curate which he answered, with great vehemence, was under a necessity of passing in his way -" Spirit! no, no, master, I have had a roll home. There he lay in ambush, with fell in- and tumble with the flesh. A dog! I'll teach tent; and, when the supposed author of his him to come a-caterwauling about mny doors."' shame arrived, greeted him in the dark with Guessing, from this reply, that his aim was such a salutation as caused him to stagger accomplished, and curious to know the parbackward three paces at least. If the second ticulars of the rencounter,-" Well then," application had taken effect, in all probability said the youth, " I hope you have prevailed that spot would have been the boundary of against the flesh, Tunley." "Yes, ves," the parson's mortalperegrination; but, luckily answered the publican, " I have cooled his for him, his antagonist was not expert in the capissens, as the saying is; I have played management of the weapon, which, by a such a tune about his ears, that I'll be bound twist of the thong that connected the legs, he shan't long for music this month. A goatinstead of pitching upon the head of the as- ish ram-faced rascal! Why, he's a perfect tonished curate, descended in an oblique di- parish bull, as I hope to live." rection on his own pate, with such a swing, Hatchway, observing that he seemed to that the skull actually rung like an apothe- have made a stout battle, desired he would cary's mortar, and ten thousand lights seem- sit down and recover wind; and, after he had ed to dance before his eyes. The curate re- swallowed a brace of bumpers, his vanity collecting himself during the respite he ob- prompted him to expatiate upon his own extained from this accident, and believing his ploit in such a manner, that the confederates, aggressor to be some thief who lurked in that without seeming to know the curate was his place for prey, resolved to make a running antagonist, became acquainted with every fight, until he should arrive within cry of his circumstance of the ambuscade. habitation. With this design he raised up Tunley had scarce got the better of his his cudgel for the defence of his head, and, agitation, when his wife entering the room, betaking himself to his heels, began to roar told them, by way of news, that some wagfor help with the lungs of a Stentor. Tun- gish body had sent Mr Sackbut the curate to ley, throwing away the flail, which he durst pray with her. This name inflamed the husno longer trust with the execution of his re- band's choler anew; and, forgetting all his venge, pursued the fugitive with all the speed complaisance for his spouse, he replied with a he could exert; and the other, either unnerv- rancorous grin, " Add rabbit him! I doubt not ed by fear, or stumbling over a stone, was but you found his admonitions deadly comovertaken before he had run an hundred pa- fortable!" The landlady, looking at her vasces. He no sooner felt the wind of the pub- sal with a sovereign aspect, " What crotchlican's fist that whistled round his ears, than ets," said she, " have you got in your fool's he fell flat upon the earth at fiull length, and head, I trow? I know no business you have the cudgel flew from his unclasping hand; to sit here like a gentleman with your arms when Tunley, springing like a tiger upon his akimbo, when there's another company in back, rained such a shower of blows upon his the house to be served." The submissive carcase, that he imagined himself under the husband took the hint, and without furthier discipline of ten pair of fists at least; yet the expostulation sneaked out of the room. ADVENTURES OF PEREGRINE PICKLE. 97 Next day it was reported that Mr Sack- Gam, and shuddered at the prospect of the but had been way-laid, and almost murdered danger to which Peregrine would be exposed by robbers, and an advertisment was pasted from their malice. She durst not communiupon the church-door, offering a reward to cate this plot to her mother, because she any person that should discover the assassin; was afraid that lady's unaccountable aversion but he reaped no satisfaction from this ex- for her first-born would hinder her from inpedient, and was confined to his chamber terposing in his behalf, and consequently a whole fortnight by the bruises he had re- render her a sort of accomplice in the guilt ceived. of his assassins. She therefore resolved to warn Peregrine of the conspiracy, an account of which she transmitted to him in an CHAPTER XXX. affectionate letter, by means of a young gentleman in that neighbourhood, who made his Mr Sackbut and his pupil conspire against addresses to her at that time, and who, at Peregrine, who being apprised of their her request, offered his service to our hero, design by his sister, takes measures for in defeating the projects of his adversaries. counterworking their scheme, which is Peregrine was startled when he read the executed by mistake upon Mr Gauntlet particulars of their scheme, which was no — this young soldier meets with a cordial other than an intention to sally upon him reception from the commodore, who ge- when he should be altogether unprovided nerously decoys him into his own in- against such an attack, cut off his ears, and terest. otherwise mutilate him in such a manner, that he should have no cause to be vain of WHEN he considered the circumstances of his person for the future. the ambuscade, he could not persuade him- Incensed as he was against the brutal disself that he had been assaulted by a common position of his own ftther's son, he could not thief, because it was not to be supposed that help being moved at the integrity and tena robber would have amused himself in pom- derness of his sister, of whose inclinations melling rather than in rifling his prey; he towards him he had been hitherto kept in therefore ascribed his misfortune to the secret ignorance. He thanked the gentleman for enmity of some person who had a design up- his honourable dealing, and expressed a deon his life; and, upon mature deliberation, sire of being better acquainted with his virfixed his suspicion upon Peregrine, who was tues; told him, that, now he was cautioned, the only man on earth from whom he thought he hoped there would be no necessity for he deservedsuchtreatment. He communicat- giving him any further trouble; and wrote ed his conjecture to his pupil, who readily by him a letter of acknowledgment to his adopted his opinion, and advised him stren- sister, for whom he expressed the utmost uously to revenge the wrong by a like contri- love and regard, beseeching her to favour vance, without seeking to make a narrower him with an interview before his departure, inquiry, lest his enemy should be thereby put that he might indulge his fraternal fondness, upon his guard. and be blessed with the company and counThis proposal being relished, they in con- tenance of one at least belonging to his own cert revolved the means of retorting the am- family. bush with interest, and actually laid such a Having imparted this discovery to his villanous plan for attacking our hero in the friend Hatchway, they came to a resolution dark, that, had it been executed according to of countermining the plan of their enemies. their intention, the younggentleman's scheme As they did not chuse to expose themselves of travelling would have been effectually to the insinuations of slander, which would marred. But their machinations were over- have exerted itself at their expense, had they, heard by Miss Pickle, who was now in the even in defending themselves, employed any seventeeth year of her age, and, in spite of harsh means of retaliation, they invented a the prejudice of education, entertained method of disappointing and disgracing their in secret a most sisterly affection for her foes, and immediately set Pipes at work to brother Perry, though she had never spoke forward the preparations. to him, and was deterred by the precepts, Miss Pickle having described the spot vigilance, and menaces of her mother, from which the assassins had pitched upon for attempting any means of meeting him in the scene of their vengeance, our triumviprivate. She was not, however, insensible rate intended to have placed acentinel among to his praise, which was loudly sounded forth the corn, who should come and give them in the neighbourhood, and never failed of go- intelligence when the ambuscade was laid; ing to church, and every other place where she and, in consequence of that information, they thought she might have an opportunity of see- would steal softly towards the place, attending this amiaQ e brother. With these senti- ed by three or four. of the domestics, and ments it cannot be supposed that she would draw a large net over the conspirators, who, hear the conspiracy without emotion. She being entangled in the toil, should be dis. was shocked at the treacherous barbarity of armed, fettered, heartily scourged, and susW. N 98 SMOLLETT'S SELECT WORKS. pended between two trees in the snare, as a pedition, and undertake the part which he spectacle to all passengers that should chance had acted against the stranger, whom he and to travel that way. his employers mistook for Peregrine. In The plan being thus digested, and the consideration of this frank acknowledgment, commodore made acquainted with the whole and a severe wound he had received in his affair, the spy was sent upon duty, and every right arm, they resolved to inflict no other body within doors prepared to go forth upon punishment on this malefactor, than to dethe first notice. One whole evening did tain him all night in the garrison, and next they spend in the most impatient Expectation; morning carry him before a justice of the but, on the second, the scout crept into the peace, to whom he repeated all that he had garrison, and assured them, that he had per- said over night, and, with his own hand subceived three men skulking behind the hedge, scribed his confession, copies of which were on the road that led to the public house, handed about the neighbourhood, to the unfrom which Peregrine and the lieutenant speakable confusion and disgrace of the cuused every night to return about that hour. rate and his promising pupil. Upon this intelligence, the confederates set Meanwhile Trunnion treated the young out immediately, with all their imnp]ements. soldier with uncommon marks of respect, Approaching the scene with as little noise as being prepossessed in his favour by this advenpossible, they heard the sound of blows: and ture, which he had so gallantly achieved, as though the night was dark, perceived a sort well as by the encomiums that Peregrine beof tumultuous conflict on the very spot which stowed upon his valour and generosity. He the conspirators had possessed. Surprised liked his countenance, which was bold and at this occurrence, the meaning of which he hardy, admired his Herculean limbs, and decould not comprehend, Peregrine ordered his lighted in asking questions concerning the myrmidons to halt and reconnoitre; and irn- service he had seen. mediately his ears were saluted with an ex- The day after his arrival, while the converclamation of, " You shan't'scape me,rascal." sation turned on this last subject, the comThe voice being quite familiar to him, he all riodore, taking the pipe out of his mouth,at once divined the cause of that confusion "I'll tell you what brother," said he, "five-andwhich they had observed: and running up to forty years ago, when I was third lieutenant the assistance of the exclaimer, found a fellow of the Warwick man of war, there was a very on his knees begging his life of Mr Gaunt- stout young fellow on board, a subaltern offilet, who stood over him with a naked hanger cer of marines; his name was not unlike your in his hand. own, d'ye see, being Guntlet, with a G. I Pickle instantly made himself known to remember he and I could not abide one anohis friend, who told him, that, having left his ther at first, because, d'ye see, I was a sailor horse at Tunley's, he was, in his way to the and he a landman, till we fell in with a Frenchgarrison, set upon by three ruffians, one of man, whom we engaged for eight glasses, whom being the very individual person now and at length boarded and took. I was the in his power, had come behind him, and first man that stood on the enemry's deck, struck with a bludgeon at his head, which, and I should have come scurvily off, d'ye see, however, he missed, and the instrument de- if Guntlet had not jumped to my assistance: scended on his left shoulder; that, upon but we soon cleared ship, and drove them to drawing his hanger, and laying about him in close quarters, so that they were obliged to the dark, the other two fled, leaving their strike; and from that day Guntlet and I were companion, whom he had disabled, in the sworn brothers as long, as he remained on lurch. board. He was exchanged into a marching Peregrine congratulated him upon his regiment, and what became of him afterwards, safety, and having ordered Pipes to secure Lord in heaven knows; but this I'll say of the prisoner, conducted Mr Gauntlet to the him, whether he be dead or alive, he feared garrison, where he met with a very hearty no man that ever wore a head, and was, reception from the commodore, to whom he moreover, a very hearty messmate." was introduced as his nephew's intimate The stranger's breast glowed at this eulofriend: not but that, in all likelihood, he would gium, which was no sooner pronounced, than have abated somewhat of his hospitality, had he eagerly asked if the French ship was not he known that he was the brother of Perry's the Diligence l the commodore replied with mistress; but her name the old gentleman a stare, "the very same, my lad." "Then," had never thought of asking, when he in- said Gauntlet, "the person of whom you are quired into the particulars of his godson's pleased to make such honourable mention amnour. was my own father."'" The devil he was!" The captive being examined, in presence cried Trunnion, shaking him by the hand, " I of Trunnion and all his adherents, touching am rejoiced to see a son of Ned Guntlet in the ambuscade, owned, that, being in the ser- my house." vice of Gamin Pickle, he had been prevailed This discovery produced a thousand quesupon, by the solicitations of his master and tions, in the course of which the old gentleman the curate, to accompany them in their ex- learnt the situation of his friend's family ADVENTURES OF PEREGRINE PICKLE. 99 and discharged innumerable execrations upon lieved was not his due; and complimented the ingratitude and injustice of the ministry, the old gentleman upon his being so scruwhich had failed to provide for the son of pulously just and honourable. such a brave soldier. Nor was his friendship The soldier's refusal, which was matter of confined to such ineffectual expressions; he astonishment to Trunnion, increased his inthat same evening signified to Peregrine a clination to assist him; and, on pretence of desire of doing something for his friend. acquitting his own character, he urged his This inclination was so much praised, en- beneficence with such obstinacy, that Gauntcouraged, and promoted by his godson, and let, afraid of disobliging him, was in a manner even supported by his counsellor Hatchway, compelled to receive a draft for the money, that our hero was empowered to present him for which he subscribed an ample discharge, with a sum of money sufficient to purchase a and immediately transmitted the order to his commission. mother, whom, at the same time, he informThough nothing could be more agreeable ed of the circumstances by which they had to Pickle than this pernlission, he was afraid so unexpectedly gained this accession of that Godfrey's scrupulous disposition would fortune. hinder him from subjecting himself to any Such a piece of news could not fail of such obligation; and therefore proposed that being agreeable to Mrs Gauntlet, who, by he should be decoyed into his own interest by the first post, wrote a polite letter of acknowa feigned story, in consequence of which he ledgment to the commodore, another to her would be prevailed upon to accept of the own son, importing, that she had already money, as a debt which the commodore had sent the draft to a friend in London, with contracted of his father at sea. Trunnion directions to deposit it in the hands of a made wry faces at this expedient, the neces- certain banker, for the purchase of the first sity of which he could not conceive, without ensigncy to be sold; and she took the liberty calling in question the common sense of of sending a third to Peregrine, couched in Gauntlet, as he took it for granted that such very affectionate terms, with a kind postoffers as those were not to be rejected on any script, signed by Miss Sophy and his charmconsideration whatever. Besides, he could ing Emilia. not digest an artifice, by which he himself This affair being transacted to the satismust own that he had lived so many years, faction of all concerned, preparations were without manifesting the least intention of set on foot for the departure of our hero, on doingjusticeto his creditor. Allthese object- whom his uncle settled an annuity of eight ions, however, were removed by the zeal and hundred pounds, being little less than one rhetoric of Peregrine, who represented that half of his whole income. By this time, it would be impossible to befriend him on any indeed, the old gentleman could easily afford other terms; that his silence hitherto would to alienate such a part of his fortune, because be imputed to his want of information, touch- he entertained little or no company, kept few ing the circumstances and condition of his servants, and was remarkably plain and frugal friend; and that his remembering and insist- in his house-keeping; Mrs Trunnion being ing upon discharging the obligation, after now some years on the wrong side of fifty, such an interval of time, when the whole her infirmities began to increase; and though affair was in oblivion, would be the greatest her pride had suffered no diminution, her compliment he could pay to his own honour vanity was altogether subdued by her avarice. and integrity. A Swiss'valet de chambre, who had already Thus persuaded, he took an opportunity of made the tour of Europe, was hired for the Gauntlet's being alone with him to broach care of Peregrine's own person. Pipes being the affair, telling the young man, that his ignorant of the French language, as well as father had advanced a sum of money for him otherwise unfit for the office of a fashionable when they sailed together, on account of the attendant, it was resolved that lie should mess, as well as to stop the mouth of a clam- remain in garrison; and his place was imorous creditor at Portsmouth; and that the mediately supplied by a Parisian lacquey ensaid sum, with interest, amounted to about gaged at London for that purpose. Pipes four hundred pounds, which he would now, did not seem to relish this disposition of with great thankfulness, repay. things; and though he made no verbal obh Godfrey was amazed at this declaration, jections to it, looked remarkably sour at his and, after a considerable pause, replied, that successor upon his first arrival; but this lie had never heard his parents mention any sullen fit seemed gradually to wear off; and such debt; that no memorandum or voucher longr before his master's departure he had of it was found among his father's papers; resumed his former tranquillityand unconcern. and that, in all probability, it must have been discharged long ago, although the commodore, in such a long course of time, and hurry of CHAPTER XXXI. occupation, might have forgot the repayment; he therefore desired to be excused from ac- The two young gentlemen display their cepting what, in his own conscience, he be- talents for gallantry, in the course of n~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ '00 SMOLLETT'S SELECT WORKS. which they are involved in a ludicrous I must be shockingly distressing, professed a circumstance of distress, and afterwards desire of removing her into some other take vengeance on the author of their sphere, where she could live with more tranmishap. quillity and satisfaction. She objected to this proposal, as an expeMEANWHILE our hero and his new friend, dient that would infallibly subject her to the together with honest Jack Hatchway, made implacable resentment of her mother, whose daily excursions into the country, visited the favour and affection she at present enjoyed gentlemen in the neighbourhood, and fre- but in a very inconsiderable degree; and quently accompanied them to the chase; all they had canvassed divers schemes of corthree being exceedingly caressed on account responding for the future, when the voice of of their talents, which could accommodate Mrs Pickle was heard at the door. themselves with great facility to the tempers Miss Julia (that was the young lady's and turns of their entertainers. The lieu- name) finding herself betrayed, was seized tenant was a droll in his way, Peregrine pos- with a violent agitation of fear, and Peregrine sessed a great fiund of sprightliness and good scarce had time to encourage her with a humour, and Godfrey, aniong his other quali- promise of protection, before the door of the fications already recited, sung a most excel- apartmentbeingflungopen, this irreconcilable lent song; so that the company of this tri- parent rushed in, and, with a furious aspect, unvirate was courted in all parties, whether flew directly at her trembling daughter, when male or female; and if the hearts of our the. son interposing, received the first disyoung gentlemen had not been pre-engaged, charge of her fury. they would have met with opportunities in Tier eyes gleamed with all the rage of abundance of displaying their address in the indignation, which choked up her utterance, art of love: not but that they gave loose to and seemed to convulse her whole frame: their gallantry without much interesting their she twisted her left hand in his hair, and affections, and amused themselves with little with the other buffetted him about the face intrigues, which, in the opinion of a man of till the blood gushed from his nostrils and pleasure, do not affect his fidelity to the mouth; while he defended his sister from acknowledged sovereign of his soul. the cruelty of Gain, who assaulted her from In the midst of these amusements, our another quarter, seeing his brother engaged. hero received an intimation from his sister, This attack lasted several minutes with that she should be overjoyed to meet him great violence, till at length Peregrine, find. next day, at five o'clock in the afternoon, at ing himself in danger of being overpowered, the house of her nurse, who lived in a cot- if he should remain any longer on the defentage hard by her father's habitation, she sive, laid his brother on his back; then he being debarred from all opportunity of seeing disentangled his mother's hand from his him in any other place by the severity of her own hair, and, having pushed her gently out mother, who suspected her inclination. of the room, bolted the door on the inside; He accordingly obeyed the summons, and finally, turning to Gain, he threw him out at went at the time appointed to the place of the window, among a parcel of hogs that rendezvous, where he met this affectionate fed under it. By this time Julia was almost young lady, who, when he entered the room, quite distracted with terror; she knew she ran towards him with all the eagerness of had offended beyond all hope of forgiveness, transport, flung her arms about his neck, and fromn that moment considered herself as and shed a flood of tears in his bosom before an exile from her father's house. In vain she could utter one word, except a repeti- did her brother strive to console her with tion of "my dear, dear brother." He em- fresh protestations of love and protection, braced her with all the piety of fraternal she counted herself extremely miserable in tenderness, wept over her in his turn, assured being obliged to endure the eternal resentment her that this was one of the happiest mnoments of a parent with whom she had hitherto lived, of his life, and kindly thanked her for having and dreaded the censure of the world, which, resisted the example and disobeyed the in- from her mother's misrepresentation, she junctions of his mother's unnatural aversion. was sensible would condemn her unheard. He was ravished to find by her conversa- That she might not, however, neglect aniy tion, that she possessed a great share of means in her power of averting this storm, sensibility and prudent reflection; for she she resolved to appease, if possible, her lamented the infatuation of her parents with mother's wrath with humiliation, and even the most filial regret, and expressed such appeal to the influence of her father, weak abhorrence and concern at the villanous as it was, before she would despair of being disposition of her younger brother, as a hu- forgiven. But the good lady spared her this mane sister may be supposed to have enter- unnecessary application, by telling her, tained. He made her acquainted with all through the key-hole, that she must never the circumstances of his own fortune; and, expect to come within her father's door as he supposed she spent her time very dis- again; for from that hour she renounced her agreeably at home, among characters which as unworthy of her affection and regard. ADVENTU.RES OF PEREGRINE PICKLE. 101 Julia, weeping bitterly, endeavoured to soften j distance. In attempting to disengage herself the rigour of this sentence, by the most from his grasp, she struggled with such submissive and reasonable remonstrances; exertion, and suffered such agony of passion but as in her vindication she of necessity at the same time, that she actually fell into espoused her elder brother's cause, her a severe fit, during which she was put to endeavours, instead of soothing, served only bed, and the confederates retired without to exasperate her mother to an higher pitch further molestation. of indignation, which discharged itself in In the mean time, Peregrine was not a invectives against Peregrine, whom she re- little perplexed about the disposal of his viled with the epithets of a worthless, aban- sister, whom he had rescued. He could not doned reprobate. endure the thoughts of saddling the commoThe youth, hearing these unjust asper- dore with a new expense; and he was afraid sions, trembled with resentment through of undertaking the charge of Julia, without every limb, assuring the upbraider that he his benefactor's advice and direction; for considered her an object of compassion; the present, however, he carried her to the "for, without all doubt," said he " your dia- house of a gentleman in the neighbourhood, bolical rancour must be severely punished whose lady was her godmother, where she by the thorns of your own conscience, which was received with great tenderness and this very instant taxes you with the malice condolence: and he proposed to inquire for and falsehood of your reproaches. As some creditable house where she might be for my sister, I bless God that you have not genteelly boarded in his absence, resolving been able to infect her with your unnatural to maintain her from the savings of his own prejudice, which, because she is too just, allowance, which he thought might very well too virtuous, too humane to imbibe, you bear such deduction. But this intention reject her as an alien to your blood, and was frustrated by the publication of the turn her out unprovided into a barbarous whole affair, which was divulged next day, world. But even there your vicious purpose and soon reached the ears of Trunnion, who shall be defeated; that same Providence chid his godson for having concealed the that screened me from the cruelty of your adventure; and, with the approbation of his hate shall extend its protection to her, until wife, ordered him to bring Julia forthwith to I shall find it convenient to assert by law the garrison. The young gentleman, with that right of maintenance which nature, it tears of gratitude in his eyes, explained his seems, hath bestowed upon us in vain. In design of maintaining her at his own exthe mean time you will enjoy the satisfaction pense, and earnestly begged that he might of paying an undivided attention to that not be deprived of that satisfaction. But darling son, whose amiable qualities have so his uncle was deaf to all his entreaties, and long engaged and engrossed your love and insisted upon her living in the garrison, esteem." though for no other reason than that of being This freedom of expostulation exalted his company to her aunt, who, he observed, mother's ire to mere frenzy: she cursed him was lost for want of conversation. with the bitterest imprecations, and raved Julia was accordingly brought home, and like a bedlamite at the door, which she at- settled under the tuition of Mrs Trunnion, tempted to burst open. Her efforts were wvho, whatever face she might put on the seconded by her favourite son, who denounc- matter, could have dispensed with the society edvengeance against Peregrine, made furious of her niece; though she was not without assaults against the lock, which resisted all hope of gratifying her pique to Mrs Pickle, their applications, until our hero, espying by the intelligence she would receive from his friends Gauntlet and Pipes stepping over the daughter of that lady's economy and doa stile that stood about a furlong from the mestic behaviour. The mother herself seemwindow, called them to his assistance; giv- ed conscious of this advantage which her sising them to understand how he was besieg- ter-in-law had now gained over her, being ed, he desired they would keep off his as much chagrined at the news of Julia's remother, that he might the more easily secure ception in the garrison as if she had heard his sister Julia's retreat. The young soldier of her own husband's death. She even torentered accordingly, and posting himself tured her invention to propagate calumnies between Mrs Pickle and the door, gave the against the reputation of her own daughter, signal to his friend, who, lifting,up his sister whom she slandered in all companies; she in his arms, carried her safe without the exclaimed against the commodore as an old clutches of this she dragon, while Pipes, ruffian, who spirited up a rebellion among her with his cudgel, kept young master at bay. children, and imputed the hospitality of his The mother being thus deprived of her wife, in:countenancing them, to nothing else prey, sprung upon Gauntlet like a lioness but her inveterate enmity to their mother, robbed of her whelps; and he must have whom they had disobliged. She now insistsuffered sorely in the flesh, had he not pre- ed, in the most peremptory terms, upon her vented her mischievous intent by seizing husband's renouncing all commerce with the both her wrists, and so keeping her at due old lad of the castle and his adherents; and 102 SMOLLETT'S SELECT WORKS. Mr Gamaliel, having by this time contracted alacrity and pleasure at the prospect of smellother friendships, readily submitted to her ing gunpowder once more before his death, will, nay, even refusing to communicate with and when Jack advised him to make his will, the commodore one night, when they hap- in case of accident, he rejected his counsel pened to meet by accidentatthe public house. with disdain, saying,-" What: dost think that Hawser Trunnion, who has stood the fire of so many floating batteries, runs any CHAPTER XXXII. risk from the lousy pops of a landman? thou shalt see, thou shalt see how I shall make him The commodore sends a challenge to Game- lower his topsails." Next day Peregrine liel, and is imposed upon by a waggish and the soldier provided themselves with invention of the lieutenant, Peregrine, horses at the public house, from whence, at and Gauntlet. the destined hour, they rode to the field of battle, each of them being muffled in a great THIS affront Trunnion could by no means di- coat, which, with the dimness of the light, gest; he advised with the lieutenant upon the effectually shielded them from the knowledge subject; and the result of their consultation of the one-eyed commander, who having tawas a defiance, which the old commander ken horse, on pretence of enjoying the fresh sent to Pickle, demanding that he would meet air, soon appeared with Hatchway in his him at such a place on horseback with a brace rear. When they came within sight of each of pistols, and give satisfaction for the slight other, the seconds advanced, in order to dihe had put upon him. vide the ground, and regulate the measures Nothing could have afforded more pleasure of the combat: when it was determined, by to Jack than the acceptance of this challenge, mutual consent, that two pistols should be which he delivered verbally to Mr Gamaliel, discharged on each side, and that, if neither who was called out from the club at Tunley's should prove decisive, recourse must be had for that purpose. The nature of this mes- to the broad swords, in order to ascertain the sage had an instantaneous effect upon the victory. These articles being settled, the constitution of the pacific Pickle, whose bow- opponents rode forward to their respective els yearned with apprehension, and under- stations, when Peregrine, cocking his pistol, went such violent agitation on the spot, that and presenting, counterfeited his father's one would have thought the operation pro- voice, bidding Trunnion take care of his receeded from some severe joke of the apothe- maining eye. The commodore took his adcary, which he had swallowed in his beer. vice, being unwilling to hazard his day-light, The messenger, despairing of a satisfac- and very deliberately opposed the patched tory answer, left him in his woful condition; side of his face to the muzzle of his antagoand, being loath to lose any opportunity of nist's piece, desiring him to do his duty withraising the laugh against the commodore, out further jaw. The young man accordwent immediately and communicated the ingly fired, and the distance being small, the whole affair to the young gentlemen, entreat- wad of his pistol took place with a smart ing them, for the love of God, to concert some stroke on the forehead of Trunnion, who, means of bringing old Hannibal into the field. mistaking it for a ball, which he thought was The two friends relished the proposal, and,' lodged in his brain, spurred up his steed in a after some deliberation, it was resolved that state of' desperation towards his antagonist, Hatchway should tell Trunnion his invitation and holding his piece within two yards of was accepted by Gamaliel, who would meet his body, let it off, without any regard to the him at the place appointed, with his second, laws of battle. Surprised and enraged to see to-morrow in the twilight, because, if either it had made no impression, he hallooed in a should fall, the other would have the better terrible tone,-" 0 damn ye, you have got chance for escaping in the dark; that God- your netting stuffed I see;" and, advancing, frey should personate old Pickle's friend, and discharged his second pistol so near his godPeregrine represent his own father, while the son's head, that, had he not been defended lieutenant should take care, in loading the by his great coat, the powder must have pistols, to keep out the shot, so that no dam- scorched his face. Having thus thrown away age might be done in the rencounter. his fire, he remained at the mercy of PereThese circumstances being adjusted, the grine, who clapping the piece he had in relieutenant returned to his principal with a serve to his head commanded him to beg his most thundering reply from his antagonist, life, and ask pardon for his presumption. whose courageous behaviour, though it could The commodore made no reply to this imnot intimidate, did not fail to astonish the perious injunction, but dropping his pistol, commodore, who ascribed it to the ipirit of and unsheathing his broad sword in an inhis wife, which had inspired him. Trunnion stant, attacked our hero with such incredible that instant desired his counsellor to prepare agility, that, if he had not made shift to wart his cartridge-box, and order the quietest horse off the stroke with his piece, the adventure, in the stable, to be kept ready saddled for the in all likelihood, would have turned out a occasion: his eye seemed to lighten with tragical joke. Peregrine finding it would b~ ADVENTURES OF PEREGRINE PICKLE. 103 in vain for him to think of drawing his wea- bitch of a tree hadn't come athwart my pon, or standing on the defensive against weather-bow, d'ye see, I'll be damn'd if I this furious aggressor, very fairly clapped hadn't snapt his main-yard in the slings, and spurs to his nag, and sought his safety in mayhap let out his bulge-water into the barflight. Trunnion pursued him with infinite gain." He seemed particularly vain of this eagerness, and his steed being the better of exploit, which dwelt upon his imagination, the two, would have overtaken the fugitive and was cherished as the child of his old age; to his peril, had he not been unfortunately for though he could not with decency rehearse encountered by the boughs of a tree, that it to the young men and his wife at supper, happened to stand on his blind side, and in- he gave shrewd hints of his own manhood, commoded him so much, that he was fain to even at these years, and attested Hatchway quit his sword, and lay hold on the mane, in as a voucher for his metal; while the triumorder to maintain his seat. Perry perceiv- virate, diverted by his vanity, enjoyed in seing his disaster, wheeled about, and now find- cret the success of their imposition. ing leisure to produce his weapon, returned upon his disarmed foe, brandishing his ferrara, threatening, to make him shorter by the CHAPTER XXXIII. head, if he would not immediately crave quarter and yield. There was nothing far- Peregrine takes leave of his aunt and sisther from the intention of the old gentleman ter-sets out from the garrison-parts than such submission, which he flatly refused with his uncle and Hatchway on the road, to pay, alleging that he had already compell- and, with his governor, arrives in safety ed his enemy to clap on all his sails, and at Dover. that his own present misfortune was owing to accident, all one as if' a ship should be at- Tuis, however, was the last effort of inventacked, after she had been obliged to heave tion which they practised upon him; and her guns overboard in a storm, every thing being now prepared for the deBefore Peregrine had time to answer this parture of his godson, that hopeful youth in remonstrance, the lieutenant interposed, and two days took leave of all his friends in the taking cognizance of the case, established a neighbourhood. He was closetted two truce, until he and the other second should whole hours with his aunt, who enriched him discuss and decide upon the merits of the with many pious advices; recapitulated all cause. They accordingly retired to a small the benefits which through her means had distance, and, after having conferred a few been conferred upon him since his infancy; minutes, Hatchwayreturned, and pronounced cautioned him against the temptations o, the commodore vanquished by the chance of lewd women, who bring many a man to a war. morsel of bread; laid strict injunctions upon Never was rage more transported than him to live in the fear of the Lord and the that which toolk possession of old Hannibal, true protestant faith; to eschew quarrels and when he heard the sentence: it was some contentions; to treat Mr Jolter with revertime before he could utter aught, except the ence and regard, and, above all things, to abreproachful expression, you lie! which he re- stain from the beastly sin of drunkenness, peated more than twenty times in a sort of which exposed a man to the scorn and condelirious insensibility. When he recovered tempt of his fellow creatures, and, by divestthe further use of speech, he abused the ar- ing him of reason and reflection, rendered bitrators with such bitter invectives, renoun- him fit for all manner of vice and debauchcing their sentence, and appealing to another ery. She recommended to him economy and trial, that the confederates began to repent the care of his health, bade. him remember of having carried the joke so far; and Pere- the honour of his family; and, in all the cirgrine, in order to appease his choler, owned cumstances of his behaviour, assured him, himself overcome. that he might always depend upon the friendThis acknowledgment calmed the tumult ship and generosity of the commodore. Fl of his wrath, though he could not for some nally, presenting him with her own picture days forgive the lieutenant; and the two set in gold, and a hundred guineas from her young gentlemen rode back to Tunley's, privy purse, she embraced him affectionatewhile Hatchway, taking the commodore's ly, and wished him all manner of happiness horse by the bridle, reconducted him to his and prosperity. mansion, growling all the way to Jack for Being thus kindly dismissed by Mrs'rrunhis unjust and unfriendly decree; though he nion, he locked himself up with his sister could not help observing, as how he had Julia, whom he adlnonished to cultivate her made his words good, in making his adversa- aunt with the most complaisant and respectry strike his topsails: "and yet," said he, ful attention, without stooping to anycircumn"before God! I think the fellow's head is stance of submission that she should judge made of a wool-pack; for my shot rebounded unworthy of her practice; he protested, that from his face like a wad of spun-yarn from his chief study should be to make her amends.he side of a ship. But if so be that son of a for the privilege she had fbrfeited by her ai 9* 104 SMOLLETT'S SELECT WORKS. fection for him; entreated her to enter into all the days of' their lives, and sometimes no engagement without his knowledge and carried their keels above water. He desired approbation: put into her hand the purse Mr Jolter to keep his pupil out of the clutchwhich he had received from his aunt, to de- es of those sharking priests, who lie in wait fray her pocket expenses in his absence, and to make converts of all young strangers; parted from her not without tears, after she and, in a particular manner, cautioned the had for some minutes hung about his neck, youth against carnal conversation with the kissing him, and weeping in the most pathe- Parisian dames, who, he understood, were tic silence. no better than gaudy fire-ships, ready primed Having performed these duties of affection with death and destruction. and consanguinity over night, he went to Peregrine listened with great respect, bed, and was, by his own direction, called at thankino him for his kind admonitions, which four o'clock in the morning, when he found he faithfully promised to observe. They the post-chaise, coach, and riding horses, halted and breakfasted at the end of the ready at the gate, his friends Gauntlet and stage, where Jolter provided himself with a Hatchway on foot, the commodore himself horse, and the commodore settled the method almost dressed, and every servant in the of corresponding with his nephew. The garrison assembled in the yard to wish him minute of parting being arrived, the old coma good journey. Our hero shook each of mander wrung his godson by the hand, saythese humble friends by the hand, tipping ing,-" I wish thee a prosperous voyage and them at the same time with marks of his good cheer, my lad; my timbers are now a bounty; and was very much surprised when little crazy, d'ye see; and God knows if I he could not perceive his old attendant Pipes shall keep afloat till such a time as I see among the number. When he expressed his thee again; but, howsomever, hap what will, wonder at this disrespectful omission of Tom, thou wilt find thyself in a condition to keep some of those present ran to his chamber, in in the line with the best of thy fellows." order to give him a call, but his hammock He then reminded Gauntlet of his promise and room were both deserted, and they soon to call at the garrison in his return from Doreturned with an account of his having elop- ver, and imparted something in a whisper to ed. Peregrine was disturbed at this informa- the governor, while Jack Hatchway, unable tion, believing that the fellow had taken some to speak, pulled his hat over his eyes, and desperate course in consequence of his be- squeezing Peregrine by the hand, gave him ing dismissed from his service, and began to an iron pistol of curious workmanship, as a wish that he had indulged his inclination, by memorial of his friendship. Our youth, who retaininghim still abouthis person. However, was not unmoved on this occasion, received as there was now no other remedy, he recom- the pledge, which he acknowledged with the mended him strenuously to the particular fa- present of a silver tobacco-box, bought for vour and distinction of his uncle and Hatch- that purpose; and the two lads of the castle way, in case he should appear again; and, as getting into the coach, were driven home he went out of the gate, was saluted with wards in a state of silent dejection. three cheers by all the domestics in the fami- Godfrey and Peregrine seated themselves ly. The commodore, Gauntlet, lieutenant, in the post-chaise, and Jolter, the valet de Peregrine, and Jolter, went into the coach to- chambre, and lacquey, bestriding their beasts, gether, that they might enjoy each other's they proceeded for the place of their destinaconversation as much as possible, resolved to tion, at which they arrived in safety that breakfast at an inn upon the road, where same night, and bespoke a passage in the Trunnion and Hatchway intended to bid our packet-boat, which was to sail next day. adventurer farewell; the valet de chambre got into the post-chaise, the French lacquey rode one horse, and led another, one of the CHAPTER XXXIV. valets of the garrison mounted at the back of the coach, and thus the cavalcade set out on He adjusts the method of his correspondence the road to Dover. As the commodore could with Gauntlet-meets by accident with not bear the fatigue of jolting, they travelled an Italian charlatan, and a certain apothat an easy pace during the first stage, so that ecary, who proves to be a noted character the old gentleman had an opportunity of communicating his exhortations to his god- THERE the two friends adjusted the articles son with regard to his conduct abroad; he of their future correspondence; and Pereadvised him, now that he was going into fo- grine, having written a letter to his mistress, reign parts, to be upon his guard against the wherein he renewed his former vows of eterfair weather of the French politesse, which nal fidelity, it was entrusted to the care of was no more to be trusted than a whirlpool her brother; while Mr Jolter, at the desire at sea. He observed, that many young men of his pupil, provided an elegant supper, and had gone to Paris with good cargoes of sense, some excellent Burgundy, that they might miand returned with a great deal of canvas, and spend this eve of his departure with the greatno ballast at all, whereby they became crank er enjoyment. ADVENTURES OF PEREGRINE PICKLE. 105 Things being thus disposed, and a servant hero would take him under his protection; employed in laying the cloth, their ears were and if he entertained the least suspicion of of a sudden invaded by a strange tumultuous his employing preternatural means in the noise in the next room, occasioned by the operations of his art, he would freely comoverthrow of tables, chairs and glasses, with municate all the secrets in his possession. odd unintelligible exclamations in broken The youth dispelled his apprehension, by French, and a jargon of threats in the Welch assuring him that he was in no danger of sufdialect. Our young gentlemen ran immedi- fering for his art in England, where, if ever ately into the apartment from whence this he should be questioned by the zeal of superclamour seemed to proceed, and found a thin, stitious individuals, he had nothing to do but meagre, swarthy figure, gaspingin all the ago- appeal to the next justice of the peace, who ny of fear, under the hands of a squat, thick, would immediately quit him of the charge, hard-featured man, who collared him with and punish his accusers for their impertigreat demonstrations of wrath, saying, —" If nence and indiscretion. you was as mighty a magician as Owen Glen- He then told Gauntlet and the Welchman dower, or the witch of Entor, look you, ay, that the stranger had a good action against or as Paul Beor himself, I will make pold, by them for an assault, by virtue of. an act of the assistance of Got, and in his majesty's parliament, which makes it criminal for any naam, to seize and secure, and confine and person to accuse another of sorcery and confront you, until such time as you suffer, witchcraft, these idle notions being now justand endure, and undergo the pains and pen- ly exploded by all sensible men. Mr Jolter, alties of the law, for your diabolical practices. who had by this time joined the company, Shentlemens, (added he, turning to our ad- could not help signifying his dissent from this venturers), I take you to witness that I pro- opinion of his pupil, which he endeavoured to test, and assert, and avow, that this person invalidate by the authority of scripture, quois as pig a necromancer as you would desire tations from the fathers, and the confessions of to pehold; and I supplicate and peseech and wretches who suffered death for having carentreat of you, that he may be prought pe- ried on correspondence with evil spirits, tofore his petters, and compelled to give an ac- gether with the evidence of Satan's Invisible count of his compact and commerce with the World, and Morton's History of Witchcraft. imps of darkness, look you; for as I am a The soldier corroborated these testimonies christian soul, and hope for joyfiul resurrec- by facts that had happened within the sphere tion, I have this plessed evening seen him of his own knowledge; and, in particular, perform such things as could not be done mentioned the case of an old woman in the without the aid and instruction and conni- parish in which he was born, who used to vance of the tevil." transform herself into the shapes of sundry Gauntlet seemed to enter into the senti- animals, and was at last killed by small shot ments of this Welch reformer, and actually in the character of a hare. The WVelchman laid hold on the delinquent's shoulder, crying, thus supported, expressed his surprise at " Damn the rascal! I'll lay any wager that hearing that the legislature had shown such he's a jesuit, for none of his order travel with- tenderness for criminals of so dark a hue; out a familiar. But Peregrine, who looked and offered to prove, by undeniable instances, upon the affair in another point of view, in- that there was not a mountain in Wales terposed in behalf of the stranger, whom he which had not been, in his memory, the scene freed from his aggressors, observing that of necromancy and witchcraft: —"Wherethere was no occasion to use violence, and fore," said he, " I am assuredly more than asked in French what he had done to incur apove astonished, and confounded, and conthe censure of the informer. The poor for- cerned, that the parliament of Great Pritain eigner, more dead than alive, answered that should, in their great wisdoms, and their he was an Italian charlatan, who had prac- prudence, and their penetration, give countised with some reputation in Padua, until he tenance and encouragement, look you, to the had the misfortune to attract the notice of works of darkness and the empire of Pelzethe inquisition, by exhibiting certain won- pup; ofer and apove the evidence of holy derful performances by his skill in natural writ, and those writers who have been quotknowledge, which that tribunal considered ed by that aggurate and learned shentleman, as the effects of sorcery, and persecuted him we are informed by profane history, of the accordingly; so that he had been fain to make pribbles and pranks of the old serpent, in the a precipitate retreat into France, where not bortents and oragles of antiquity; as you will finding his account in his talents, he was now find in that most excellent historian Bolypiarrived in England, with a view of practising us, and Titus Lifius; ay, and moreofer in the his art in London; and that, in consequence Commentaries of Julius Caesar himself, who, of a specimen which lie had given to a com- as the ole world knows, was a most famous, pany below, the choleric gentleman had fol- and a most faliant, and a most wise, and a lowed him up stairs to Iris own apartment, most prudent, and a most fortunate chiftan, and assaulted him in that inhospitable man- and a most renowned orator; ay, and a mos' ner. He therefore earnestly begged that our elegant writer to boot." 0 106 SMIOLLETT'S SELECT WORKS. Peregrine did not think proper to enter utmost reoard and veneration for his characthe lists of dispute with three such obstinate ter, and that he thought himself extremely antagonists; but contented himself with say- fortunate in having this opportunity of ening, that he believed it would be no difficult joying hlis conversation. Morgan, not a matter to impugn the arguments they had little proud of such advances from a person advanced, though he did not find himself at of Peregrine's appearance, returned the all disposed to undertake the task, which compliment with a profusion of civility, and, must, of course, break in upon the evening's in the warmth of acknowledgment, expressed entertainment. Ile therefore invited the Ital- a desire of seeing him and his company at ian to supper, and asked the same favour of his house in Canterbury. " I will not prehis accuser, who seemed to have something tend, or premise, kind Sir," said he, "to curious and characteristic in his manner and entertain you according to your merits and disposition, resolving to make himself an eye- deserts, but you shall be as welcome to my witness of those surprising feats which had poor cottage, and my wife and family, as the given offence to the choleric Briton. This prince of' Wales himself; and it shall go scrupulous gentleman thanked our hero for hard, if, one way or other, I do not find his courtesy, but declined communicating ways and means of making you confess that with the stranger, until his character should there is some good fellowship in an ancient be farther explained; upon which his inviter, Priton: for though I am no pettpr than a after some conversation with the charlatan, simple apothecary, I have as goot plood cirassured him that he would himself undertake culating in my veins as any he in the country; for the innocence of his art; and then he was and I can describe, and delineate, and deprevailed upon to favour them with his com- monstrate my pedigree to the satisfaction of pany. the'ole'orld; and, mereofer, by Got's goot In the course of the conversation, Pere- providence and assistance, I can afford to grine learnt that the Welchman was a sur- treat my friend with a joint of goot mutton, geon of Canterbury, who had been called in and a pottle of excellent wine; and no tradesto a consultation at Dover, and, understand- man canr peard me with a bill." He was mg that his name was Morgan, took the lib- congratulated on his happy situation, and erty of asking if he was not the person so re- assured that our youth would visit him on spectfully mentioned in the Adventures of his return from France, provided he should Roderick Random. Mr Morgan assumed a take Canterbury on his route. As Peregorine look of gravity and importance at this inter- manifested an inclination of being acquainted rogation, and, screwing up his mouth, an- with the state of his affairs, he very comrn swered, "Mr Rantum, my goot sir, I believe plaisantly satisfied his curiosity, by giving him upon my conscience and salfation, is my very to know that hlis spouse had left off breeding, goot frient and well wisher; and he and I after Ihaving blessed him with two boys and,have been companions, and messmates, and a girl, who were still alive and well; that he fellow sufferers, look you; but nevertheless, lived in good esteem with his neighbours, for all that, peradventure he hath not pehav- and by his practice, which was considerably ed with so much complaisance and affability extended immediately after the publication and respect, as I might have expected from of Roderick Random, had saved some thouhim; pecause he hath revealed, and tivulged, sand pounds. HIe had begun to think of reand published our private affairs, without my tiring among his own relations in'Glamno knowledge, and privity and consent; but as ganshire, though his wife made objections t( *God is my Saviour, I think he had no evil this proposal, and opposed the execution of'invention in his pelly: and though there be it with such obstinacy, that lie had been at certain persons, look you, who, as I am told, infinite pains in asserting his own prerogatake upon them to laugh at his descriptions tive, by convincing her, both friom reason and of my person, deportment and conversation, example, that he was king and priest in his I do affirm, and maintain, and insist with my own family, and that she owed the most imheart, and my ploot, and my soul, that those plicit submission to his will. He likewise persons are no petter than ignorant asses, informed the company, that. he had lately and that they know not how to discern, and seen his friend Roderick, who had come from distinguish, and define true ridicule, or, as London on purpose to visit him, after having Aristotle calls it, the to geloion, no more, gained his law-suit with Mr Topehall, who look you, than a herd of mountain goats; for was obliged to pay Narcissa's fortune; that I will make pold to observe, and I hope this Mr Random, in all appearance, led a very goot company will be of the same opinion, happy life in the conversation of his father that there is nothing said of me in that per- and bedfellow, by whom he enjoyed a son formance which is unworthy of a christian and daughter; and that Morgan had receivand a shentleman." ed, in a present from him, a piece of very fine Our young gentleman and his friends linen of his wife's own making, several kits acquiesced in the justness of his observation. of salmon, and two casks of pickled pork, the Peregrine particularly assured him, that, most delicate he had ever tasted, togethel from reading the book, he had conceived the with a barrel of excellent herrings for salrhma ADVENTURES OF PEREGRINE PICKLE. 107 gundy, which he knew to be his favourite dish. CHAPTER XXXV. This topic of conversation being discussed, the Italian was desired to exhibit a speci- He embarks for France-is overtaken by a men of his art, and in a few minutes con- storm-is surprised with the appearance ducted the company into the next room, of Pipes-lands at Calais, and has an afwhere, to their great astonishment and af- fray with the officers of the customhouse. fright, they beheld a thousand serpents winding along the ceiling. Morgan, struck with SCARCE had the vessel proceeded two leagues this phenomenon, which he had not seen be- on the passage, when the wind shifting, blew fore, began to utter exorcisms with great de- directly in their teeth; so that they were votion, Mr Jolter ran terrified out of the obliged to haul upon a wind, and alter their room, Gauntlet drew his hanger, and Pere- course. The sea running pretty high, at the grine himself was disconcerted. The ope- same time, our hero, who was below in his ratorperceiving their confusion, desired them cabin, began to be squeamish, and in conseto retire, and calling them back in an instant, quence of the skipper's advice, went upon there was not a viper to be seen. He raised the deck for the comfort of his stomach; their admiration by sundry other perform- while the governor, experienced in these ances, and the Welchman's former opinion disasters, slipt into bed, where he lay at his and abhorrence of his character began to re- ease, amusing himself with a treatise on the cur, when, in consideration of the civility cycloid, with algebraical demonstrations, with which he had been treated, this Italian which never failed to engage his imagination imparted to them all the methods by which in the most agreeable manner. be had acted such wonders, that were no In the mean time the wind increased to a other than the effects of natural causes curi- very hard gale, the vessel pitched with great ously combined; so that Morgan became a violence, the sea washed over the decks, the convert to his skill, asked pardon for the master was alarmed, the crew were confoundsuspicion he had entertained, and invited the ed, the passengers were overwhelmed with stranger to pass a few days with him at Can- sickness and fear, and universal distraction terbury. ensued. In the midst of this uproar, Pere The scruples of Godfrey and Jolter were grine holding fast to the taffrill, and looking removed at the same time, and Peregrine ruefully ahead, the countenance of Pipes pretestified his approbation by a handsome gra- sented itself to his astonished view, rising tuity which he bestowed upon their enter- as it were from the hold of the ship. At tainer. first he imagined it was a fear formed sha. The evening being spent in this sociable dow of his own brain, though he did not remanner, every man retired to his respective main long in his terror, but plainly perceived chamber; and next morning they breakfast- that it was no other than the real person ed together, when Morgan declared he would of Thomas, who, jumping on the quarterstay till he should see our hero fairly em- deck, took charge of the helm, and dictated barked, that he might have the pleasure of to the sailors with as much authority as if he Mr Gauntlet's company to his own habita- had been commander of the ship. The skiption: meanwhile, by the skipper's advice, the per looked upon him as an angel sent to his servants were ordered to carry a store of assistance, and the crew soon discovering wine and provision on board, in case of ac- him to be a thorough bred seaman, notwithcident; and as the packet-boat could not sail standing his livery frock, obeyed his orders oefore one o'clock, the company walked up with such alacrity, that in a little time the hill to visit the castle, where they saw the confusion vanished, and every necessary step sword of Julius Cwesar, and Queen Eliza- was taken to weather the gale. beth's pocket-pistol, repeated Shakspeare's Our young gentleman immediately coildescription, while they surveyed the chalky ceivedthe meaning of Tom's appearance on cliffs on each side, and cast their eyes to- board, and, when the tumult was a little subwards the city of Calais, that was obscured sided, went up, and encouraged him to exert by a thick cloud, which did not much regale himself for the preservation of the ship, protheir eye-sight, because it seemed to portend mising td take him again into his service, foul weather. from which he should never be dismissed, Having viewed every thing remarkable in except at his own desire. This assurance this place, they returned to the pier, where, had a surprising effect upon -Pipes, who, after the compliments of parting, and an af- though he made no manner of reply, thrust fectionate embrace between the two young the helm into the master's hand. saying. gentlemen, Peregrine and his governor step- " Here, vou old bumboat woman, take hold ped aboard, the sails were hoisted, and they of the tiller, and keep her thus, boy, thus;" went to sea with a fair wind, while Godfirey, and skipped about the vessel, trimming the Morgan, and the conjuror, walked back to the sails, anxd managing the ropes with such inn, from whence they set out for Canterbury agility' and skill, that every body -on deck Defore dinner. stood amazed at his dexterity. 108 SMOLLETT'S SELECT WORKS. Mr Jolter was far from being unconcerned ed up, the wind began to blow again from the at the uncommon motion of the vessel, the right corner, and the spires of Calais appearsinging of the wind, and the uproar which he ed at the distance of five leagues; so that heard above him; he looked towards the the countenances of all on board were lightcabin-door with the most fearful expectation, ed up with joyous expectation; and Perein hope of seeing some person who could grine venturing to go down into the cabin, give some account of the weather, and what comforted his governor with an account of was doing upon deck; but not a soul appear- the happy turn of their affairs. ed, and he was too well acquainted with the Jolter, transported with the thoughts of a disposition of his own bowels to make the *speedy landing, began to launch out in praise least alteration in his attitude. WVhen he of that country for which they were bound. had lain a good while in all the agony of He observed, that France was the land of suspense, the boy tumbled headlong into his politeness and hospitality, which were conapartment, with such noise, that he believed spicuous in the behaviour of all ranks and the mast had gone by the board, and starting degrees, from the peer to the peasant; that upright in his bed, asked, with all the symp- a gentleman and a foreigner, far from being toms of horror, what was the cause of that insulted and imposed upon by the lower class disturbance. The boy, half stunned by his of people, as in England, was treated with fall, answered, in a dolorous tone, " I'm the utmost reverence, candour, and respect; come to put up the dead-lights." At the that their fields were fertile, their climate mention of dead-lights, the meaning of which pure and healthy, their farmers rich and inhe did not understand, the poor governor's dustrious, and the subjects in general the heart died within him, and he shivered with happiest of men. He would have prosecutdespair. His recollection forsaking him, he ed this favourite theme still father, had not fell upon his knees in the bed, and fixing his his pupil been obliged to run upon deck, in eyes upon the book which was in his hand, consequence of certain warnings he received began to pronounce aloud, with great fer- from his stomach. vour, "The time of a complete oscillation The skipper, seeing his condition, very in the cycloid is to the time in which a body honestly reminded him of the cold ham and would fall through the axis of the cycloid fowls, with a basket of wine, which he had VD, as the circumference of a circle to its ordered to be sent on-board, and asked if he diameter." He would in all likelihood have would have the cloth laid below. He could proceeded with the demonstration of this not have chosen a more seasonable opporproposition, had he not been seized with such tunity of manifesting his own disinteresteda qualm, as compelled him to drop the book, ness. Peregrine made wry faces at the men and accommodate himself to the emergency tion of food, bidding him (for Christ's sake) of his distemper; he therefore stretched tall no more on that subject. He then dehimself at full length, and, putting up ejacu' scended into the cabin, and put the same lations to heaven, began to prepare himself question to Mr Jolter, who, he knew, enterfor his latter end, when all of a sudden the tained the same abhorrence for his proposal; noise above was intermitted; and, as he could and, meeting with the like reception from not conceive the cause of this tremendous him, went between decks, and repeated his silence, he imagined that either the men courteous proffer to the valet de chambre and were washed overboard, or that, despairing lacquey, who lay sprawling in all the pangs of safety, they had ceased to oppose the tem- of a double evacuation, and rejected his civilpest. While he was harrowed by this miser- ity with the most horrible loathing. Thus able uncertainty, which, however, was not baffled in all his kind endeavours, he ordered altogether unenlightened by some scattered his boy to secure the provision in one of his rays of hope, the master entered the cabin; own lockers, according to the custom of the then he asked, with a voice half extinguished ship. by fear, how matters went upon deck; and It being low water when they arrived on the skipper, with a large bottle of brandy ap- the French coast, the vessel could not enter plied to his mouth, answered, in a hollow the harbour, and they were obliged to bring tone, "All's over now, master." Upon which to, and wait for a boat, which in less than Mr Jolter, giving himself over for lost, ex- half an hour came along-side from the shore. claimed, with the utmost horror, " Lord have Mr Jolter now came upon deck, and snuffing mercy upon us! Christ have mercy upon us!" up the French air with symptoms of infinite and repeated this supplication as it were me- satisfaction, asked of the boatmen (with the chanically, until the master undeceived him friendly appellation of mes enfans) what by explaining the meaning of what he had they demanded for transporting him and his said, and assuring him that the squall was over. pupil, with their baggage, to the pier. But Such a sudden transition from fear to joy how was he disconcerted when those polite, occasioned a violent agitation both in his candid, reasonable watermen, demanded a mind and body; and it was a full quarter of louis d'or for that service! Peregrine, with a an hour before he recovered the right'use of sarcastic sneer, observed, that he already his organs. By this time the weather clear- began to perceive the justice of his encomiums ADVENTURES OF PEREGRINE PICKLE. 109 on the French; and the disappointed gover- Mr Jolter, who had undergone this exnor could say nothing in his own vindication, amination before, resolved to profit by his but that they were debauched by their inter- experience, and cunningly represented his course with the inhabitants of Dover. His pupil as a young English Lord. This intipupil, however, was so much offended at their mation, supported by the appearance of his extortion, that he absolutely refused to em- equipage, was no sooner communicated to ploy them, even when they abated one half the officer, than he turned out the guard, and in their demand, and swore he would stay on ordered his soldiers to rest upon their arms, board till the packet should be able to enter while his lordship passed in great state to the harbour, rather than encourage such im- the Lion d'Argent, where he took up his position. lodgings for the night, resolving to set out The master, who, in all probability, had for Paris next morning in a post-chaise. some sort of fellow-feeling with the boatmen, The governor triumphed greatly in this in vain represented that he could not with piece ofcomplaisanceand respect with which safety lie to, or anchor upon a lee-shore; our they had been honoured, and resumed his benero having consulted Pipes, answered, that loved topic of discourse, in applauding the ne had hired his vessel to transport them to method and subordination of the French goCalais, and that he would oblige him to per- vernment, which was better calculated for form what he had undertaken. maintaining order, and protecting the people, The skipper, very much mortified at this than any constitution upon earth. Of their peremptory reply, which was not over and courteous attention to strangers, there needabove agreeable to Mr Jolter, dismissed the ed no other proof than the compliment which boat, notwithstanding the solicitations and had been paid to them, together with the condescension of the watermen. Running governor's connivance at Peregrine'semploya little farther in shore, they came to an an- ing his own servants in carrying the baggage chor, and waited till there was water enough to the inn, contrary to the privilege of the to float them over the bar. Then they stood inhabitants. into the harbour, and our gentleman, with While he expatiated, with a remarkable his attendants and baggage, were landed on degree of self indulgence on this subject, the the pier by the sailors, whom he liberally re- valet de chambre coming into the room, inwarded for their trouble. terrupted his harangue, by telling his master He was immediately plied by a great num- that their trunks and portmanteaus must be ber of porters, who, like as many hungry carried to the custom-house, in order to be wolves, laid hold on his baggage, and began searched, and sealed with lead, which must to carry it off piecemeal, without his order remain untouched until their arrival at or direction. Incensed at this officious in- Paris. solence, he commanded them to desist, with Peregrine made no objection to this pracmany oaths and opprobrious terms, that his tice, which was in itself reasonable enough; anger suggested; and, perceiving that one of but when he understood that the gate was bethem did not seem to pay any regard to what sieged by another multitude of porters, who he said, but marched off with his burden, he insisted upon their right of carrying thegoods, snatched a cudgel out of his lacquey's hand, and also of fixing their own price, he absoand, overtaking the fellow in a twinkling, lutely refused to comply with their demand. brought him to the ground with one blow. Nay, he chastised some of the most clamorHe was instantly surrounded by the whole ous among them with his foot, and told them, congregation of this canaille, who resented that if their custom-house officers had a mind the injury which their brother had sustained, to examine his baggage, they might come to and would have taken immediate satisfaction the inn for that purpose. The valet de chaminof the aggressor, had not Pipes, seeing his bre was abashed at this boldness of his masmaster involved, brought the whole crew to ter's behaviour, which, the lacquey, shrughis assistance, and exerted himself so man- ging up his shoulders, observed, was bien a fully, that the enemy were obliged to retreat I'Angloise; while the governor represented with many marks of defeat, and menaces of it as an indignity to the whole nation, and interesting the commandant in their quarrel. endeavoured to persuade his pupil to comply Jolter, who knew and dreaded the power of with the custom of the place. But Perethe French governor, began to shake with grine's natural haughtiness of disposition hinapprehension, when he heard their repeated dered him from giving ear to Jolter's wholethreats; but they durst not apply to this some advice; and, in less than half an hour, magistrate, who, upon a fair representation they observed a file of musqueteers marching of the case, would have punished them severe- up to the gate. At sight of this detachment ly for their rapacious and insolent behaviour. the tutor trembled, the valet grew pale, and Peregrine, without further molestation, avail- the lacquey crossed himself; but our hero, ed himself of his own attendants, who shoul- without exhibiting any other symptoms than dered hi's baggage, and followed him to the those of indignation, met them on the thresh gate, where they were stopped by the centi- hold, and with a ferocious air, demanded nels, until their names should be registered. their business. The corporal, who com. 110 SMOLLETT'S SELECT W~TORKS. manded the file, answered with great deli- but little cultivation; and he had not the most beration, that he had orders to convey his implicit confidence in her virtue and discrebaggage to the custom-house; and seeing tion, which, it seems, had like to have yieldtrunks standing in the entry, placed his men ed to the addresses of an officer at Canterbetween them and the owner, while the por- bury, who had made shift to insinuate himself ters that followed took them up, and pro- into her acquaintance and favour. ceeded to the Douane without opposition. Peregrine's curiosity being inflamed by Pickle was not mad enough to dispute the this information, he lounged about the yard, authority of this message; but, in order to in hopes of seeing the Dulcinea who had gall, and specify his contempt for those who captivated the old bachelor; and, at length, brought it, he called aloud to his valet, desir- observing her at a window, took the liberty ing him, in French, to accompany his things, of bowing to her with great respect. She and see that none of his linens and effects returned the compliment with a courtesy, should be stolen by the searchers. The cor- and appeared so decent in her dress and poral, mortified at this satirical insinuation, manner, that, unless he had been previously darted a look of resentment at the author, as if informed of her former life and conversation, he had been interested for the glory of his na- he never would have dreamed that her edution, and told him that he could perceive he cation was different from that of other ladies was a stranger in France, or else he would of fashion: so easy is it to acquire that exhave sayed himself the trouble of such a need- ternal deportment on which people of condiless precaution. tion value themselves so much. Not but that Mr Pickle pretended to distinguish a certain vulgar audacity in her countenance, CHAPTER XXXVI. which, in a lady of birth and fortune, would have passed for an agreeable vivacity that He makes a fruitless attempt in gallantry- enlivens the aspect, and gives poignancy to departs for Boulogne, where he spends every feature: but as she possessed a pair of the evening with certain English ex- fine eyes, and aclear complexion, overspread iles. with the glow of health, which never fails of recommending the owner, he could not HAVING thus yielded to the hand of power, help gazing at her with desire, and formhe inquired if there was any other English ing a design of making a conquest of her company in the house; when, understanding heart. With this view he sent his complithat a gentleman and lady lodged in the next ments to her husband, whose name was apartment, and had bespoke a post-chaise Hornbeck, with an intimation that he profor Paris, he ordered Pipes to ingratiate him- posed to set out next day for Paris, and as self with their footman, and, if possible, learn he understood that he was resolved upon the their names and condition, while he and Mr same journey, he should be extremely glad of Jolter, attended by the lacquey, took a turn his company on the road, if he was not betround the ramparts, and viewed the particu- ter engaged. Hornbeck, who in all probalars of the fortification. bility did not chuse to accommodate his wife Tom was so very successful in his inquiry, with a squire of X hero's appearance, sent that, when his master returned, he was able a civil answer to his message, professing into give him a satisfactory account of his finite mortification at his being unable to fellow lodgers, in consequence of having embrace the favour of his kind offer, by reatreated his brother with a bottle of wine. son of the indisposition of his wife, who, he The people in question were a gentleman and was afraid, would not be in a condition for his ladylately arrived from England, on their some days to bear the fatigue of travelling. way to Paris. The husband was a man of This rebuff which Peregrine ascribed to the good fortune, who had been a libertine in husband's jealousy, stifled his project in emhis youth, and a professed declaimer against bryo; he ordered his French servant to take matrimony. He wanted neither sense nor a place for himself in the diligence, where experience, and piqued himself in particular all his luggage was stowed, except a small upon his art of avoiding the snares of the fe- trunk with some linen and other necessaries, male sex, in which he pretended to be deep- that was fixed upon the post-chaise, which iy versed. But notwithstanding all his cau- they hired of the landlord; and early next tion and skill, he had lately fallen a sacrifice morning he and Mr Jolter departed from to the attractions of an oyster-wench, who Calais, attended by his valet de chambre had found means to decoy him into the bands and Pipes on horseback. They proceedof wedlock; and, in order to avoid the com- ed without any accident as far as Boupliments and congratulations of his friends logne, where they breakfasted, and visited and acqnmaintance, he had come so far on a old Father Graham, a Scottish gentleman of tour tc Paris, where he intended to initiate the governor's acquaintance, who had lived his spouse in the beau monde. In the mean as a capuchin in that place for the space of rime he chose to live upon the reserve, be- threescore years, and during that period concause her natural talents had as yet received formed to all the austerities of the order with ADVENTURES OF PEREGRINE PICKLE. 111 the most rigorous exactness; being equally trymen, exiled from their native homes, in remarkable for the frankness of his conversa- consequence of their adherence to an untion, the humanity of his disposition, and the fortunate and ruined cause; and that they simplicity of his manners. From Boulogne were gone to the sea-side, according to their they took their departure about noon, and as daily practice, in order to indulge their longthey proposed to sleep that night at Abbeville, ing eyes with a prospect of the white cliffs commanded the postilion to drive with ex- of Albion, which they must never more aptraordinary speed. Perhaps it was well for proach. his cattle that the axletree gave way, and Though our young gentleman differedwidethe chaise of course overturned, before they ly from them in point of political principles, had travelled one third part of the stage. he was not one of those enthusiasts who This accident compelled them to return to look upon every schism from the established the place from whence they had set out; and articles of faith as damnable, and exclude as they could not procure another convey- the sceptic from every benefit of humanity ance, they found themselves under the ne- and christian forgiveness: he could easily cessity of staying till their chaise could be comprehend how a man of the most unrefitted. Understanding that this operation blemished morals might, by the prejudice of would detain them a whole day, our young education, or indispensable attachments, be gentleman had recourse to his patience, and engaged in such a blameworthy and pernidemanded to know what they would have for cious undertaking; and thought that they dinner; the garcon, or waiter, thus question- had already suffered severely for their imned, vanished in a moment, and immediately prudence. He was affected with the acthey were surprised with the appearance of count of their diurnal pilgrimage to the seaa strange figure, which, from the extra- side, which he considered as a pathetic proof vagance of its dress and gesticulation, Pere- of their affliction, and invested Mr Jolter grine mistook for a madman of the growth with the agreeable office of going to them of France. This phantom (which, by the with a compliment in his name, and begging bye, happened to be no other than the cook), the honour of drinking a glass with them in was a tall, long-legged, meagre, swarithy the evening. They accepted the proposal fellow, that stooped very much; his cheek with great satisfaction and respectful acknowbones were remarkably raised, his nose bent ledgment, and in the afternoon waited upon into the shape and size of a powderhorn, the kind inviter, who treated them with cofand the sockets of his eyes as raw round the fee, and would have detained them to supper; edges as if the skin had been pared off. On but they entreated the favour of his company his head he wore a handkerchief, which had at the house which they frequented, so earnonce been white, and now served to cover estly, that he yielded to their solicitations, the upper part of a black periwig, to which and with his governor was conducted by was attached a bag, at least a foot square, them to the place, where they had provided with a solitaire and rose that stuck up on an elegant repast, and regaled them with each side to his ear; so that he looked like some of the best claret in France. a criminal on the pillory. His back was ac- It was easy for them to perceive that their commodated with a linen waistcoat, his hands principal guest was no favourer of their state adorned with long ruffles of the same piece, maxims, and therefore they industriously his middle was girded by an apron tucked up, avoided every subject of conversation which that it might not conceal his white silk stock- could give the least offence; not but that ings rolled; and at his entrance he brandish- they lamented their own situation, which cut ed a bloody weapon full three feet in length. them off from all their dearest connexions, Peregrine, when he first saw him approach and doomed them to perpetual banishment in this menacing attitude, put himself upon from their families and friends;* but they did his guard; but, being informed of his quality, not, even by the most distant hint, impeach perused his bill of fare, and having bespoke the justice of that sentence by which they three or four things for dinner, walked out were condemned; although one of them, with Mr Jolter to view both towns, which who seemed to be about the age of thirty, they had not leisure to consider minutely wept bitterly over this misfortune, which had before. In their return from the harbour, involved a beloved wife and three children they met with four or five gentlemen, all of in misery and distress, and, in the impatience whom seemed to look with an air of dejec- of his grief, cursed his own fate with frantic tion, and perceiving our hero and his governor imprecations. His companions, with a view to be English by their dress, bowed with of beguiling his sorrows, and manifesting great respect as they passed. Pickle, who their own hospitality at the same time, changwas naturally compassionate, felt an emotion ed the topic of discourse, and circulated the of sympathy; and seeing a person, who by bumpers with great assiduity; so that all his habit he judged to be one of their servants, their cares were overwhelmed and forgotten; accosted him in English, and asked who the several drinking French catches were Suing, Erglish were. The lacquey gave him to and mirth and good fellowship prevailed. understand that they were his own coun- In the midst of this elevation, which cinm 10 112 SMOLLETT'S SELECT WORKS. monly unlocks the most hidden sentiment, of seeing their situation altered fbr the betand dispels every consideration of caution ter; and, the chaise being repaired, took and constraint, one of the entertainers, being leave of his entertainers, who came to wish more intoxicated than his fellows, proposed him a good journey, and with his attendants a toast, to which Peregrine with some warmth left Boulogne for the second time. excepted, as an unmannerly insult. The other maintained his proposition with indecent heat; and the dispute beginning to CHAPTER XXXVII. grow very serious, the company interposed, and gave judgment against their friend, who Proceeds for the capital-takes up his lodgwas so, keenly reproached and rebuked for ings at Bernay, where he is overtaken by his unpolite behaviour, that he retired in high Mr Hornbeck, whose head he longs to dudgeon, threatening to relinquish their so- fortify. ciety, and branding them with the appellation of apostates from the common cause. Morti- DURING this day's expedition, Mr Jolter took fled at the behaviour of their companion, an opportunity of imparting to his pupil the those that remained were earnest in their remarks he had made upon the industry of apologies to their guests, whom they besought the French, as an undeniable proof of which to forgive his intemperance, assuring them, he bade him cast his eyes around, and obwith great confidence, that he would, upon serve with what caret every spot of ground the recovery of his reflection, wait upon them was cultivated; and from the fertility of that in person, and ask pardon for the umbrage province, which is reckoned the poorest in he had given. Pickle was satisfied with their France, conceive the wealth and affluence of remonstrances, resumed his good humour, the nation in general. Peregrine, amazed and the night being pretty far advanced, re- as well as disgusted at this infatuation, ansisted all the importunities with which he swered, that what he ascribed to industry was intreated to see another bottle go round, was the effect of -mere wretchedness; the and was escorted to his own lodgings more miserable peasants being obliged to plough than half seas over. Next morning, about up every inch of ground to satisfy their opeight o'clock, he was waked by his valet de pressive landlords, while they themselves and chambre, who told him that two of the ger- their cattle looked like so many images of tlemen with whom he had spent the evening famine; that their extreme poverty was eviwere in the house, and desired the favour of dent from the face of the country, on which being admitted into his chamber. IHe could there was not one inclosure to be seen, or not conceive the meaning of this extraordi- any other object, except scanty crops of barnary visit, and, ordering his man to show ley and oats, which could never reward the them into his apartments, beheld the person toil of the husbandman; that their habitawho had affronted him enter, with the gen- tions were no better than paltry huts; that, tleman who had reprehended his rudeness. in twenty miles of extent, not one gentleHe who had given the offence, after having man's house appeared; that nothing was made an apology for disturbing Mr Pickle, more abject and forlorn than the attire of told him that his friend there present had their country people; that the equipage of been with him early that morning. and pro- their travelling chaises was infinitely inferior posed the alternative of either fighting with to that of a dung-cart in England; and that him immediately, or coming to beg pardon the postilion who then drove their carriage, for his unmannerly deportment over night; had neither stockings to his legs, nor a shirt that, though he had courage enough to face to his back. any man in the field in a righteous cause, he The governor, finding his charge so unwas not so brutal as to disobey the dictates tractable, resolved to leave him in the midst of his own duty and reflection, in conse- of his own ignorance and prejudice, and requence of which, and not out of any regard serve his observations for those who would to the other's menaces, which he despised, pay more deference to his opinion; and inhe had now taken the liberty of interrupting deed this resolution he had often made, and his repose, that he might, as soon as possible as often broken, in the transports of his zeal, atone for the injury he had done him, which that frequently hurried him out of the plan of he protested- was the effect of intoxication conduct which in his cooler moments he had alone, and begged his forgiveness accord- laid down. They halted for a refreshment ingly. Our hero accepted of his acknow- at Montreuil, and about seven in the evening ledgment very graciously, thanked the other arrived at a village called Bernay, where, gentleman for the gallant part he had acted while they waited for fresh horses, they were in his behalf; and perceiving that his com- informed by the landlord, that the gates of panion was a little irritated at his officious Abbeville were shut every night punctually interposition, effected a reconciliation, by at eight o'clock, so that it would be impossiconvincing him that what he had done was ble for them to get admittance. He said there for the honour of the company. He then was not another place of entertainment on kept them to breakfast, expressed a desire j the road where they could pass the night; ADVENTURES OF PEREGRINE PICKLE. 113 and therefore, as a firiend, he advised them to nificant looks, while her husband's eyes were stay at his house, where they would find the directed another way, and divers loud peals best of accomodation, and proceed upon their of laughter, signifying her approbation of the journey betimes in the morning. sallies which he uttered in the course of their Mr Jolter, though he had travelled on that conversation. Her spouse began to be very road before, could not recollect whether or uneasy at the frank demeanour of his yokenot mine host spoke truth; but his remon- fellow, whom he endeavoured to check in strance being very plausible, our hero deter- her vivacity, by assuming a severity of asmined to follow his advice, and, being con- pect; but whether she obeyed the dictates of ducted into an apartment, asked what they her own disposition, which perhaps was mercould have for supper. The landlord men- ry and unreserved, or wanted to punish Mr tioned every thing that was eatable in the Hornbeck for his jealousy of temper, certain house, and the whole being engrossed for the it is, her gaiety increased to such a degree, use of him and his attendants, he amused that her husband was grievously alarmed and himself till such time as it should be dressed, incensed at her conduct, and resolved to make in strolling about the house, which stands in her sensible of his displeasure, by treading in a very rural situation. While he thus loiter- secret upon her toes. He was, however, so ed away the time that hung heavy on his disconcerted by his indignation, that he mishands, another chaise arrived at the inn; took his mark, and applied the sharp heel of and, upon inquiry, he found that the new- his shoe to the side of Mr Jolter's foot, comcomers were Mr Hornbeck and his lady. The prehending his little toe, that was studded with landlord, conscious of his inability to enter- an angry corn, which he invaded with such tain this second company, came and begged, a jerk, that the governor, unable to endure with great humiliation, that Mr Pickle would the torture in silence, started up, and, dancing spare them some part of the victuals he had on the floor, roared hideously, with repeated bespoke; but he refused to part with so much bellowings, to the unspeakable enjoyment of as the wing of a partridge, though at the same Peregrine and the lady, who laughed themtime he sent his compliments to the stran- selves almost into convulsions at the joke. gers, and, giving them to understand how ill Hornbeck, confounded at the mistake he had the house was provided for their reception, committed, begged pardon of the injured tuinvited them to partake of his supper. Mr tor, with great ccn*tition, protesting that the Hornbeck, who was not deficient in point of blow he had so unfcrtunately received was politeness, and extremely well disposed for intended for an ugly cur which he thought a relishing meal, which he had reason to had posted himself under the table. It was expect from the savoury steam that issued lucky for him that there was actually a dog from the kitchen, could not resist this second in the room, to justify this excuse, which Jolinstance of our young gentleman's civility, ter admitted with the tears running ovei his which he acknowledged by a message, im- cheeks; and the economy of the table was reporting that he and his wife would do them- composed. selves the pleasure of profiting by his cour- As soon, however, as the strangers could teous offer. Peregrine's cheeks glowed when with decency withdraw, this suspicious hushe found himself on the eve of being acquaint- band took his leave of the youth, on pretence ed with Mrs Hornbeck, of whose heart he of being fatigued with his journey, after havyhad already made a conquest in imagination; ing, by way of compliment, proposed that and he forthwith set his invention at work to they should travel together next day; and contrive some means of defeating her hus- Peregrine handed the lady to her chamber, band's vigilance. where he wished her goodnight, with anothWhen supper was ready, he in person gave er warm squeeze, which she returned. This notice to his guest, and leading the lady into favourable hint made his heart bound with a his apartment, seated her in an elbow chair transport of joy; he lay in wait for an opporat the upper end of the table, squeezing her tunity of declaring himself; and seeing the hand and darting a most insidious glance at husband go down into the yard with a canthe same time. This abrupt behaviour he dile, glided softly into his apartment, where practised, on a presumption that a lady of he found her almost undressed. Impelled by her breeding was not to be addressed with the impetuosity of his passion, which was the tedious forms that must be observed in still more inflamed by her present luscious one's advances to a person of birth and gen- appearance, and encouraged by the approbateel education. In all probability his calcu- tion she had already expressed, he ran tolation was just; for Mrs Hornbeck gave no wards her with eagerness, crying, " Zounds, signs of discontent at this sort of treatment, madam, your charms are irresistible!" and, but, on the contrary, seemed to consider it without further ceremony, would have claspas a proof of the young gentleman's regard; ed her in his arms, had she not begged him, and; though she did not venture to open her for the love of God, to retire, for should Mr mouth three times during the whole repast, Hornbeck return and find him there, she she showed herself particularly well satisfied would be undone for ever. He was not so with her entertainer, by sundry sly and sig- blinded by his passion, but that he saw the P 114 SMOLLETT'S SELECT WORKS. reasonableness of her fear; and as he could upon the more delicate nerves of Hornbe k, not pretend to crown his wishes at that in- but discovered itself in certain involuntsary terview, he avowed himself her lover, assur- startings, and convulsive motions in the ed her that he would exhaust his whole in- muscles of his face; and when his nature al vention in finding a proper opportunity for length yielded to the power of this medicine, throwing himself at her feet; and in the mean he sounded the trumpet so loud through his time he ravished sundry small favours, which nostrils, that our adventurer was afraid tht she, in the hurry of' her fright, could not noise would awake his other patient, and withhold from his impudence of address. consequently prevent the accomplishment ot Having thus happily settled the prelimina- his aim. The governor was therefore comries, he withdrew to his own chamber, and mitted to the care of Pipes, who lugged him spent the whole night in contriving strata- into the next room, and having stripped off gemns to elude the jealous caution of his fel- his clothes, tumbled him into his nest, while low traveller. the two lovers remained at full liberty to indulge their mutual passion. Peregrine, in the impatience of his incliCHAPTER XXXVIII. nation, would have finished the fate of Hornbeck immediately; but his inamorata disapThey set out in company, breakfast at Ab- proved of his intention, and represented that beville, dine at Amiens, and about eleven their being together by themselves for any o'clock arrive at Chantilly, where Pere- length of time would be observed by her sergrine executes a plan which he had con- vant, who was kept as a spy upon her accerted upon Hornbeck. tions; so that they had recourse to another scheme, which was executed in this manner. THE whole company, by agreement, rose -He conducted her into her own apartment, and departed before day, and breakfasted at in presence of her footman, who lighted them Abbeville, where they became acquainted thither, and, wishing her good rest, returned with the finesse of their Bernay landlord, to his own chamber, where he waited till who had imposed upon them, in affirming every thing was quiet in the house; then that they would not have been admitted after stealing softly to her door, which had been the gates were shut. From thence they left open for his admission in the dark, he proceeded to Amiens, where they dined, and found the husband still secure in the embrawere pestered by begging friars; and the ces of sleep, and the lady in a loose gown roads being deep, it was eleven o'clock at ready to seal his happiness. He conveyed night before they reached Chantilly, where her to his own chamber; but his guilty pasthey found supper already dressed, in conse- sion was not gratified. quence of having dispatched the valet de The opium which had been given to Jolchambre before them on horseback. ter, together with the wine he had drank, The constitution of Hornbeck being very produced such a perturbation in his fancy, that much impaired by a life of irregularity, he he was visited with horrible dreams, and among found himself so fatigued with his day's jour- other miserable situations, imagined himself ney, which amounted to upwards of an hun- in danger of perishing in the flames, which dred riles, that, when he sat down at table, he thought had taken hold on his apartment. he could scarcely sit upright; and, in less This vision made such an impression upon than three minutes, began to nod in his chair. his faculties, that he alarmed the whole house Peregrine, who had foreseen and provided with the repeated cries offire! fire! and even for this occasion, advised him to exhilarate leaped out of his bed, though he still continhis spirits with a glass of wine; and the pro- ued fast asleep. The lovers were very disposal being embraced, tipped his valet de agreeably disturbed by this dreadful exclamachambre the wink, who, according to the in- tion; and Mrs Hornbeck, running in great structions he had received, qualified the Bur- confusion to the door, had the mortification gundy with thirty drops of laudanum, which to see the footman, with a light in his hand, this unfortunate husband swallowed in one enter her husband's chamber, in order to give glass. The. dose, co-operating with his for- him notice of this accident. She knew that mer drowsiness, lulled him so fast asleep, as she would be instantly missed, and could it were instantaneously, that it was found easily divine the consequence, unless her innecessary to convey him to his own cham- vention could immediately trump up some her, where his footman undressed and put plausible excuse for her absence. him to bed. Nor was Jolter (naturally of a Women are naturally fruitful of expedients sluggish disposition) able to resist his pro- in cases of such emergency: she employed pensity to sleep, without suffering divers but a few seconds in recollection, and rushdreadful yawns, which encouraged his pupil ing directly towards the apartment of the to administer the same dose to him, which governor, who still continued to holoo in the had operated so successfully upon the other same note, exclaimed, in a screaming tone, Argus. This cordial had not such a gentle'"Lord have mercy upon us! where? where?" effect upon the rugged organs of Jolter, as By this time all the servants were assembled ADVENTURES OF PEREGRINE PICKLE. 115 In strange attire; Peregrine burst into Jolter's and to proceed altogether for Paris in the afroom, and seeing him stalking in his shirt, ternoon. with his eyes shut, bestowed such a slap upon Peregrine was a little chagrined when he his back, as in a moment dissolved his dream, understood that he was so suddenly deprived and restored him to the use of his senses. of this untasted morsel; and Jolter could not He was astonished and ashamed at being dis- conceive the meaning of their abrupt and uncovered in such an indecent attitude; and civil disappearance, which, after manyvprotaking refuge under the clothes, asked par- found conjectures, he accounted for, by supdon of all present for the disturbance he had posing that Hornbeck was some sharper who occasioned; soliciting with great humility had run away with an heiress, whom he found the forgiveness of the lady, who, to a mira- it necessary to conceal from the inquiry of cle, counterfeited the utmost agitation of her friends. terror and surprise. Meanwhile, Hornbeck The pupil, who was well assured of the being awakened by the repeated efforts of true motive, allowed his governor to enjoy his man, no sooner understood that his wife the triumph of his own penetration, and conwas missing, than all the chimeras of jea- soled himself with the hope of seeing his Dullousy taking possession of his imagination, cinea again at some of the public places in he started up in a sort of frenzy, and snatch- Paris, which he proposed to frequent. Thus ing his sword, flew straight to Peregrine's comforted, he visited the magnificent stables chamber; where, though he found not that and palace of Chantilly, and immediately afwhich he looked for, he unluckily perceived ter dinner they set out for Paris, where they an under-petticoat, which his wife had for- arrived in the evening, and hired apartments got in the hurry of her retreat. This dis- at a hotel in the fauxburgh St Germaine, not covery added fuel to the flame of his resent- far from the playhouse. ment. He seized the fatal proof of his dishonour, and meeting his spouse in her return to bed, presented it to her view, saying, CHAPTER XXXIX. with a most expressive countenance, " Madam, you have dropped your under-petticoat He is involved in an adventure at Paris, in the next room." Mrs Hornbeck, who in- and taken prisoner by the city-guardherited from nature a most admirable pre- becomes acquainted with a French noblesence of mind, looked earnestly at the ob- man, who introduces him in the beau ject in question, and, with incredible seren- monde. ity of countenance, affirmed that the petticoat must belong to the house, for she had THEY were no sooner settled in these none such in her possession. Peregrine, lodgings than our hero wrote to his uncle an who walked behind her, hearing this asseve- account of their safe arrival, and sent another ration, immediately interposed, and pulling letter to his friend Gauntlet, with a very Hornbeck by the sleeve into his chamber, tender billet inclosed for his dear Emilia, to " Gads zooks!" said he, " what business had whom he repeated all his former vows of you with that petticoat! Can't you let a constancy and love. young fellow enjoy a little amour with an The next care that engrossed him was innkeeper's daughter, without exposing his that of bespeaking several suits of clothes infirmities to youi wife? Pshaw! it is ma- suitable to the French mode, and in the licious, because you have quitted these ad- mean time he never appeared abroad, except ventures yourself, to spoil the sport of other in the English coffee-house,, where he soon people." The poor husband was so con- became acquainted with some of his own founded at the effrontery of his wife, and countrymen, who were at Paris on the same this cavalier declaration of the young man, footing with himself. The third evening after that his faith began to waver: he distrusted his journey, he was engaged In a party of his own conscious diffidence oftemper, which, those young sparks, at the house of a noted that he might not expose, he expressed no traiteur, whose wife was remarkably handdoubts of Peregrine's veracity, but, asking some, and otherwise extremely well qualified pardon for the mistake he had committed, for alluring customers to her house. To retired. He was not yet satisfied with the this lady our young gentleman was introduced behaviour of his ingenious helpmate, but, on as a stranger fresh from England; and he the contrary, determined to inquire more mi- was charmed with her personal accomplishnutely into the circumstances of this adven- ments, as well as with the freedom and ture, which turned out so little to his satis- gaiety of her conversation. Her frank faction, that he ordered his servant to get deportment persuaded him that she was one every thing ready for his departure by break of those kind creatures who granted favours of day; and when our adventurer rose next to the best bidder; on this supposition he morning, he found that his fellow-travellers began to be so importunate'in his addresses, were gone above three hours, though they that the fair bourgeoise was compelled to had agreed to stay all the forenoon, with a cry aloud in defence of her own virtue view of seeing the Prince of Conde's palace, Her husband ran immediately to her assist10* 116 SMOLLETT'S SELECT WORKS. ance, and, finding her in a very alarming necessary to strangers, either in teaching situation, flew upon her ravisher with such the French language, or executing small fury, that he was fain to quit his prey, and commissions with which they are intrusted, turn against the exasperated traiteur, whom he was not the most proper person in the he punished without mercy for his impudent world for regulating the taste of a young intrusion. The lady, seeing heryoke-fellow gentleman who travelled for improvement, treated with so little respect, espoused his in expectation of making a figure one day cause, and fixing her nails in his antagonist's in his own country. Being conscious of face, scarified all one side of his nose. The his own incapacity, he contented himself noise of this encounter brought all the ser- with the office of a steward, and kept a vants of the house to the rescue of their faithful account of all the money that was master, and Peregrine's company opposing disbursed in the course of their family exthem, a general battle ensued, in which the pense; not but that he was acquainted with French were totally routed, the wife insulted, all the places which were visited by strangers and the husband kicked down stairs. on their first arrival at Paris; and he knew The publican, enraged at the indignity to a liard what was commonly given to the which had been offered to him and his family, Swiss of each remarkable hotel; though, went out into the street, and implored the with respect to the curious paintings and protection of the guet, or city-guard, which, statuary that every where abound in that having heard his complaint, fixed their bayo- metropolis, he was more ignorant than the nets and surrounded the door, to the number domestic that attends for a livre a day. of twelve or fourteen. The young gentle- In short, Mr Jolter could give a very men, flushed with their success, and consi- good account of the stages on the road, and dering the soldiers as so many London save the expense of Antonini's detail of the watchmen, whom they had often put to curiosities in Paris; he was a connoisseur flight, drew their swords, and sallied out, in ordinaries, from twelve to five-and-thirty with Peregrine at their head. Whether the livres, knew all the rates of a fiacre and guard respected them as foreigners, or inex- remise, could dispute with a taileur or a perienced youths intoxicated with liquor, traiteur upon the articles of his bill, and they opened to right and left, and gave them scold the servants in tolerable French. But room to pass without opposition. This the laws, customs, and genius of the people, complaisance, which was the effect of com- the characters of individuals, and scenes of passion, being misinterpreted by the English polished life, were subjects which he had leader, he, out of mere wantonness, attempted neither opportunities to observe, inclination to trip up the heels of the soldier that stood to consider, nor discernment to distinguish. next him, but failed in the execution, and All his maxims were the suggestions of received a blow on his breast with the butt pedantry and prejudice; so that his percepend of his fusil, that made him stagger seve- tion was obscured, his judgment biassed, ral paces backward. Incensed at this auda- his address awkward, and his conversation ciousapplication, the whole company charged absurd and unentertaining; yet, such as I the detachment sword in hand, and, after have represented this tutor, is the greatest an obstinate engagement, in which divers part of those animals who lead raw boys wounds were given and received, every soul about the world, under the denomination of of them was taken, and conveyed to the travelling governors. Peregrine, therefore, main-guard. The commanding officer, being being perfectly well acquainted with the made acquainted with the circumstances of extent of Mr Jolter's abilities, never dreamed the quarrel, in consideration of their youth of consulting him in the disposition of his and national ferocity, for which the French conduct, but parcelled out his time according make large allowances, set them all at liberty, to the dictates of his own reflection, and the after having gently reburked them for the information and direction of his companions, irregularity and insolence of their conduct: who had lived longer in France, and conseso that all our hero acquired by his gallantry quently were better acquainted with the and courage, was a number of scandalous pleasures of the place. marks upon his visage, that confined him a As soon as he was in a condition to whole week to his chamber. It was impos- appear a la Francoise, he hired a genteel sible to conceal this disaster from Mr Jolter, chariot by the month, made the tour of the who having obtained intelligence of the par- Luxembourg gallery, Palais Royal, all the ticulars, did not fail to remonstrate against remarkable hotels, churches, and celebrated the rashness of the adventure, which, he places in Paris; visited St Cloud, Marli observed, must have been fatal to them, had Versailles, Trianon, St Germaine, and their enemies been other than Frenchmen, Fountainbleau; enjoyed the opera, masquewho, of all people under the sun, most rigor- rades, Italian and French comedy; and ously observe the laws of hospitality. seldom failed of appearing in the public As the governor's acquaintance lay chiefly walks, in hopes of meeting with Mrs Hornamong Irish and English priests, and a set beck, or some adventure suited to his romanof low people who live by making themselves tic disposition. He never doubted that his ADVENTURES OF PEREGRINE PICKLE. 117 person would attract the notice of some tendant, and charged his adversaries sword distinguished inamorata, and was vain in hand. Two of them no sooner perceived enough to believe that few female hearts this reinforcement than they betook themwere able to resist the artillery of his accom- selves to flight; and Pipes, having twisted plishments, should he once find an opportu- the cane out of the hands of the third, nity of planting it to advantage. He pre- belaboured him so unmercifully, that our sented himself, however, at all the spectacles hero thought proper to interpose his authofor many weeks, without reaping the fruits rity in his behalf. The common people of his expectation; and began to entertain a stood aghast at this unprecedented boldness very indifferent idea of the French discern- of Pickle, who, understanding that the perment, which had overlooked him so long, son whose servants he had disciplined was when one day, in his way to the opera, his a general and prince of the blood, went up to chariot was stopped by an embarrass in the the coach, and asked pardon for what he had street, occasioned by two peasants, who, done, imputing his own behaviour to his having driven their carts against each other, ignorance of the other's quality. The old quarrelled, and went to loggerheads on the noblemen accepted of his apology with great spot. Such a rencounter is so uncommon politeness, thanking him for the trouble he in France, that the people shut up their had taken to reform the manners of his doshops, and from their windows threw cold mestics; and guessing from our youth's water upon the combatants, with a view of appearance, that he was some stranger of putting an end to the battle, which was condition, very courteously invited him into maintained with great fury and very little the coach, on the supposition that they were skill, until one of them receiving an acciden- both going to the opera. Pickle gladly tal fall, the other took the advantage of this embraced this opportunity of becoming acmisfortune, and fastening upon him as he quainted with a person of such rank, and, lay, began to thump the pavement with his ordering his own chariot to follow, accomhead. Our hero's equipage being detained panied the count to his loge, where he close by the field of this contention, Pipes conversed with him during the whole entercould not bear to see the laws of boxing so tainment. scandalously transgressed, and, leaping from He soon perceived that Peregrine was not his station, pulled the offender from his deficient in spirit or sense; and seemed parantagonist, whom he raised up, and, in the ticularly pleased with his engaging manner English language, encouraged to a second and easy deportment, qualifications for which essay, instructing him at the same time by the English nation is by no means remarkaclenching his fists according to art, and put- ble in France, and therefore the more conting himself in a proper attitude. Thus spicuous and agreeable in the character of confirmed, the enraged carman sprung upon our hero, whom the nobleman carried home his foe, and, in all appearance, would have that same evening, and introduced to his laeffectually revenged the injury he had sus- dy, and several persons of fashion, who suptained, if he had not been prevented by the ped at his house. Peregrine was quite captiinterposition of a lacquey belonging to a vated by their affable behaviour and the vinobleman, whose coach was obliged to halt vacity of their discourse; and after having in consequence of the dispute. This foot- been honoured with particular marks of conman, who was distinguished by a cane, sideration, took his leave, fully determined descending from his post, without the least to cultivate such a valuable acquaintance. ceremony or expostulation, began to employ His vanity suggested, that now the time his weapon upon the head and shoulders of was come when he should profit by his talthe peasant who had been patronised by ents among the fair sex, on whom he resolvPipes; upon which Thomas resenting such ed to employ his utmost art and address. ungenerous behaviour, bestowed such a With this view he assiduously engaged in all stomacher upon the officious intermeddler, parties to which he had access by means of as discomposed the whole economy of his his noble friend, who let slip no opportunity entrails, and obliged him to discharge the of gratifying his ambition. He, for some interjection ah! with demonstrations of time, shared in all his amusements, and was great anguish and amazement. The other entertained in many of the best families of two footmen, who stood behind the coach, France; but. he did not long enjoy that eleseeing their fellow-servant so insolently vation of hope, which had flattered his imassaulted, flew to his assistance, and rained agination. He soon perceived that it would a most disagreeable shower upon the head be impossible to maintain the honourable of his aggressor, who had no means of connexions he had made, without engaging diversion or defence. Peregrine, though he every day at quadrille, or, in other words, did not approve of Tom's conduct, could losing his money; for every person of rank, not bear to see him so roughly handled, whether male or female, was a professed especially as he thought his own honour gamester, who knew and practised all the concerned in the fray, and therefore quitting finesse of the art, of which he was entirely his machine, came to the rescue of his at- ignorant. Besides, he began to find himself 118 SMOLLETT'S SELECT WORKS. a mere novice in French gallantry, which is their neighbours, and do jut,' uo the consupported by an amazing volubility of tongue, stitution under which they l'v.. an obsequious and incredible attention to tri- A lady of distinguished ciiarc ter having fles, a surprising facility of laughing out of been lampooned by some obscure scribbler, pure complaisance, and a nothingness of con- who could not be discovered, tie- ministry, versation, which he could never attain. In in consequence of her complain', ordered no short, our hero, who, among his own coun- fewer than five-and-twenty abbes to be aptrymen, would have passed for a sprightly prehended and sent to the Bastile, on the entertaining fellow, was considered, in the maxim of Herod, when he commanded the brilliant assemblies of France, as a youth of innocents to be murdered, hoping that the a very phlegmatic disposition. No wonder, principal object of his cruelty would not esthen, that his pride was mortified at his own cape in the general calamity; and the friends want of importance, which he did not fail to of those unhappy prisoners durst not even ascribe to their defect in point of judgment complain of the unjust persecution, but shrugand taste; he conceived a disgust at the mer- ged up their shoulders, and, in silence, decenary conduct, as well as the shallow intel- plored their misfortune, uncertain whether or lects of the ladies; and, after he had spent not they should ever set eyes on them again. some months, and a round sum of money, in About the same time a gentleman of famfruitless attendance and addresses, he fairly ily, who had been oppressed by a certain quitted the pursuit, and consoled himself powerful duke that lived in the neighbourwith the conversation of a merry fille dejoie, hood, found means to be introduced to the whose good graces he acquired by an allow- king, who receiving his petition very graance of twenty louis per month. That he ciously, asked in what regiment he served; might the more easily afford this expense, he and, when the memorialist answered, that he dismissed his chariot and French lacquey at had not the honour of being in the service, the same time. returned the paper unopened, and refused to He then entered himself in a noted acade- hear one circurmstance of his complaint; so my, in order to finish his exercises, and con- that, far from being redressed, he remained tracted an acquaintance with a few sensible more than ever exposed to the tyranny of his people, whom he distinguished at the coffee- oppressor. Nay, so notorious is the discourhouse and ordinary to which he resorted, and agement of all those who presume to live inwho contributed not a little to the improve- dependent of court favour and connexions, ment of his knowledge and taste; for, preju- that one of the gentlemen, whose friendship dice apart, it must be owned that France Peregrine cultivated, frankly owned he was abounds with men of consummate honour, in possession of a most romantic place in one profound sagacity, and the most liberal educa- of the provinces, and deeply enamoured of tion. From the conversation of such, he ob- a country life; and yet he durst not reside tained a distinct idea of their government upon his own estate, lest, by slackening in and constitution; and though he could not his attendance upon the great, who honourhelp admiring the excellent order and econ- ed him with their protection, he should fall a omy of their police, the result of all his in- prey to some rapacious intendant. quiries was self-congratulation on his title to As for the common people, they are so the privileges of a British subject. Indeed much inured to the scourge and insolence of this invaluable birthright was rendered coAi- power, that every shabby subaltern, every spicuous by such flagrant occurrences, which beggarly. cadet of the noblesse, every low refell every day almost under his observation, tainer to the court, insults and injures them that nothing but the grossest prejudice could with impunity. A certain ecuyer, or horse dispute its existence. dealer, belonging to the king, being one day under the hands of a barber, who happened to cut the head of a pimple on his face, he CHAPTER XL. started up, and drawing his sword, wounded him desperately in the shoulder. The poor Acquires a distinct idea of the French go- tradesman, hurt as he was, made an effort vernment —quarrels with a mousquetaire, to retire, and was followed by this barbarous whom he afterwards fights and vanquish- assassin, who, not contented with the venes, after having punished him for inter- geance he had taken, plunged his sword a fering in his amorous recreations. second time into his body, and killed him on the spot. Having performed this inhuman AMONG many other instances of the same exploit, he dressed himself with great delibnature, I believe it will not be amiss to ex- eration, and, going to Versailles, immediatehibit a few specimens of their administration, ly obtained a pardon for what he had done; which happened during his abode at Paris, triumphing in his brutality with such insothat those who have not the opportunity of ob- lence, that the very next time he'had occaserving for themselves, or are in danger of sion to be shaved, he sat with his sword ready being influenced by misrepresentation, may drawn, in order to repeat the murder, in case zcompare their own condition with that of the barber should commit the same mis ADVENTURES OF PEREGRINE PICKLE. 119 take. Yet so tamed are those poor people appointment; for he was an utter stranger to subjection, that when Peregrine mention- to fear and diffidence on those occasions, and ed this assassination to his own trimmer, with had set his heart upon chastising the insoexpressions of horror and detestation, the in- lence of this bully, who had treated him with fatuated wretch replied, that without all doubt such disrespect. it was a misfortune, but it proceeded from This adventure was not so private but that the gentleman's passion; and observed, by it reached the ears of Mr Jolter, by the caway of encomium on the government, that nal of some English gentlemen who were such vivacity is never punished in France. present when it happened; and the governor, A few days after this outrage was commit- who entertained a most dreadful idea of the ted, our youth, who was a professed enemy mousquetaires, being alarmed at a quarrel, to all oppression, being in one of the first the consequence of which might prove fatal loges at the comedy, was eye-witness of an to his charge, waited on the British ambasadventure, which filled him with indignation. sador, and begged he would take Peregrine A tall ferocious fellow in the parterre, with- under his immediate protection. His exout the least provocation, but prompted by cellency having heard the circumstances of the mere wantonness of pride, took hold of the dispute, sent one of his gentlemen to inthe hat of a very decent young man, who vite the youth to dinner; and, after having happened to stand before him, and twirled it assured him that he might depend upon his round upon his head. The party thus of- countenance and regard, represented the fended turned to the aggressor, and civilly rashness and impetuosity of his conduct so asked the reason of such treatment, but he much to his conviction, that he promised to received no answer; and when he looked the act more circumspectly for the future, and other way, the insult was repeated; upon drop all thoughts of the mousquetaire from which he expressed his resentment as became that moment. a man of spirit, and desired the offender to A few days after he had taken this laudawalk out with him. No sooner did he thus ble resolution, Pipes, who had carried a bilsignity his intention, than his adversary, let to his mistress, informed him that he had swelling with rage, cocked his hat fiercely in perceived a laced hat lying upon a marble his face, and fixing his hands in his sides, slab in her apartment; and that, when she pronounced, with the most imperious tone, came out of her own chamber, to receive — " Iark ye, Mr Round Periwig, you must the letter, she appeared in manifest disorder. know that I am a mousquetaire." Scarce From these hints of intelligence, our young had this awful word escaped from his lips, gentleman suspected, or rather made no when the blood forsook the lips of the poor doubt of her infidelity; and, being by this challenger, who, with the most abject sub- time well nigh cloyed with possession, was nission, begged pardon for his presumption, not sorry to find that she had given him cause and with difficulty obtained it, on condition to renounce her correspondence. That he that he should immediately quit the place. might therefore detect her in the very breach Having thus exercised his authority, he turr- of duty, and, at the same time, punish the ed to one of his companions, and, with an air gallant who had the presumption to invade of disdainful ridicule, told him he was like his territories, he concerted with himself a to have had an affair with a burgeois; add- plan, which was executed in this maning, by way of heightening the irony, "Egad, ner.-During his next interview with his I believe he's a physician." Dulcinea, far from discovering the least Our hero was so much shocked and irri- sign of jealousy or discontent, he affecttated at this licentious behaviour, that he ed the appearance of extraordinary fondcould not suppress his resentment, which he ness; and, after having spent the aftermanifested by saying to this Hector,-" Sir, noon with the show of uncommon satisfaca physician may be a man of honour." To tion, told her he was engaged in a party for this remonstrance, which was delivered with Fountainbleau, and would set out from Paris a very significant countenance, the mousque- that same evening; so that he should not taire made no other reply, but that of echo- have the pleasure of seeing her again for ing his assertion with a loud laugh, in which some days. he was joined by his confederates. Pere- The lady, who was very well versed in grine, glowing with resentment, called him the arts of her occupation, pretended to re. a Janfaron, and withdrew in expectation of ceive this piece of news with great affliction, being followed into the street. The other and conjured him, with such marks of real understood the hint, and a rencounter must tenderness, to return as soon as possible to have ensued, had not the officer of the guard, her longing arms, that he went away almost who overheard what passed, prevented their convinced of her sincerity. Determined, meeting by putting the mousquetaire imme- however, to prosecute his scheme,'he acfu diately under arrest. Our young gentleman ally departed from Paris with two or three waited at the door of the parterre, until he gentlemen of his acquaintance, who had was informed of this interposition, and then hired a remise for a jaunt to Versailles; and, went home very much chagrined at his dis- having accompanied them as far as the village 120 SMOLLETT'S SELECT WORKS. of Passe, returned in the dusk of the evening care of his governor, who saw the mousqueon foot. taire come in, he told M:r Jolter that the He waited patiently till midnight, and then Frenchman had visited him in consequence arming himself with a case of pocket pistols, of an order he had received from his supeand attended by trusty Tom, with a cudgel in riors, to make an apology for his rude behahis hand, repaired to the lodgings of his sus- viour to him in the playhouse, and that they pected inamorata. Having given Pipes his had parted good friends. This assurance, cue, he knocked gently at the door, which together with Pickle's very tranquil and unwas no sooner opened by the lacquey, than concerned behaviour through the day, quiethe bolted in, before the fellow could recollect ed the terrors which had begun to take poshimself from the confusion occasioned by his session of his tutor's imagination; so that unexpected appearance; and, leaving Tom to the youth had an opportunity of giving him guard the door, ordered the trembling valet to the slip at night, when he betook himself to light him up stairs into his lady's apartment. the lodgings of a fiiend, whom he engaged The first object that presented itself to his as his second, and with whom he immediately view, when he entered the anti-chamber, was took the field, in order to avoid the search a sword upon the table, which he immediately which Jolter, upon missing him, might set on seized, exclaiming in a loud and menacing foot. voice, that his mistress was false, and then in This was a necessary precaution'; for, as bed with another gallant, whom he would in- he did not appear at supper, and Pipes, who stantly put to death. This declaration, con- usually attended him in his excursions, could firmed with many terrible oaths, he calculated give no account of his motions, the governor forthe hearingofhis rival, who, understanding was dreadfully alarmed at his absence, and his sanguinary purpose, started up in great ordered his man to run in quest of his master trepidation, and, naked as he was, dropped to all the places which he used to frequent, from the balcony into the street, while Pere- while he himself went to the commissaire, grine thundered at the door for admittance; and, communicating his suspicions, was acand guessing his design, gave him an oppor- commodated with a party of the horse guards, tunity of making this precipitate retreat. who patroled round all the environs of the Pipes, who stood centinel at the door, ob- city, with a view of preventing the rencounserving the fugitive descend, attacked him ter. Pipes might have directed them to the with his cudgel, and sweating him from one lady, by whose information they could have end of the street to the other, at last com- learnt the name and lodging of the mousquernitted him to the guet, by whom he was con- taire, and, if he had been apprehended, the veyed to the officer on duty, in a most dis- duel would not have happened; but he did graceful and deplorable condition. not chuse to run the risk of disobliging his Meanwhile, Peregrine having burst open master, by intermeddling in the affair, and the chamber door, found the lady in the ut- was moreover very desirous that the Frenchmost dread and consternation, and the spoils man should be humbled; for he never doubtof her favourite scattered about the room; ed that Peregrine was more than a match but his resentment was doubly gratified, when for any two men in France. In this confihe learnt, upon inquiry, that the person who dence, therefore, he sought his master with had been so disagreeably interrupted, was great diligence, not with a view of disapno other than that individual mousquetaire, pointing his intention, but in order to attend with whom he had quarrelled at the come- him to the battle, that he might stand by him dy. He upbraided the nymph with her per- and see justice done. fidy and ingratitude, and, telling her that she While this inquiry was carried on, our must not expect the continuance of his re- hero and his companion concealed themselves gard, or the appointments which she had among some weeds that grew on the edge hitherto enjoyed from his bounty, went home of the parapet, a few yards from the spot to his own lodgings, overjoyed at the issue where he had agreed to meet the mousque. of the adventure. taire; and scarce had the morning rendered The soldier, exasperated at the disgrace objects distinguishable, when they perceived he had undergone, as well as at the outra- their men advancing boldly to the place. geous insult of the English valet, whom he Peregrine, seeing them approach, sprung believed his master had tutored for the pur- forward to the ground, that he might have pose, no sooner extricated himself from the the glory of anticipating his antagonist; and, opprobrious situation he had incurred, than, swords being drawn, all four were engaged breathing vengeance against the author of in a twinkling. Pickle's eagerness had well the affront, he came to Peregrine's apartment, nigh cost him his life; for, without minding and demanded satisfaction upon the ramparts his footing, he flew directly to his opposite, next morning before sun-rise. Our hero as- and stumbling over a stone, was wounded on sured him he would not fail to pay his re- one side of his head, before he could recover spects to him at the time and place appointed; his attitude. Far from being dispirited at and, foreseeing that he might be prevented this check, it served only to animate him the firom keeping this engagement by the officious more; being endowed with uncommon agil. ADVENTURES OF PEREGRINE PICKLE. 121 ity, he retrieved his posture in a momnent, To this declaration Pickle made answer, and, having parried a second thrust, returned that Mr Jolter, by this time, ought to be the longe with such incredible speed, that convinced of the attention he had always the soldier had not time to resume his guard, paid to his ease and satisfaction; since he but was immediately run through the bend well knew, that he had ever looked upon of his right arm, and the sword dropping out him in the light of a friend, rather than as a of his hand, our hero's victory was complete. counsellor or tutor, and desired his company Having dispatched his own business, and in France, with a view of promoting his inreceived the acknowledgment of his adver- terest, not for any emolument he could expect sary, who, with a look of infinite mortifica- from his instruction. This being the case, tion, observed, that his was the fortune of he was at liberty to consult his own inclinathe day, he ran to part the seconds, just as tions, with regard to going or staying; though the weapon was twisted out of his compan- he could not help owning himself obliged by ion's hand: upon which he took his place, the concern he expressed for his safety, and and, in all likelihood, an obstinate dispute would endeavour, for his own sake, to avoid would have ensued, had they not been inter- giving him any cause of disturbance in time rupted by the guard, at sight of whom the to come. two Frenchmen scampered off. Our young No man was more capable of moralizing gentleman and his friend allowed themselves upon Peregrine's misconduct than himself; to be taken prisoners by the detachment, his reflections were extremely just and sagawhich had been sent out for that purpose, cious, and attended with no other disadvanand were carried before the magistrate, who, tage but that of occurring too late. He having sharply reprimanded them for pre- projected a thousand salutary schemes of suming to act in contempt of the laws, set deportment, but, like other projectors, he them at liberty, in consideration of their never had interest enough with the ministry being strangers, cautioning them, at the same of his passions to bring any one of them to time, to beware of such exploits for the bear. He had, in the heyday of his gallantry, future. received a letter from his friend Gauntlet, When Peregrine returned to his own lodg- with a kind postscript from his charming ings, Pipes, seeing the blood trickling down Emilia: but it arrived at a very unseasonable upon his master's neck-cloth and solitaire, juncture, when his imagination was engrossgave evident tokens of surprise and concern, ed by conquests that more agreeably flatternot for the consequences of the wound, which ed his ambition; so that he could not find he did not suppose dangerous, but for the leisure and inclination, from that day, to hoglory of Old England, which he was afraid nour the correspondence which he himself had suffered in the engagement; for he could had solicited. His vanity had by this time not help saying, with an air of chagrin, as disapproved of the engagement he had conhe followed the youth into his chamber, tracted in the rawness and inexperience of " I do suppose as how you gave that lubberly youth; suggesting, that he was born to make Frenchman as good as he brought." such an important figure in life as ought to raise his ideas above the, consideration of any such middling connexions, and fix his CHAPTER XLI. attention upon objects of the most sublime attraction. These dictates of ridiculous pride Mr Jolter threatens to leave him on ac- had almost effaced the remembrance of his count of his misconduct, which he pro- amiable mistress, or at least so far warped mises to rectify —but his resolution is his morals and integrity, that he actually defeated by the impetuosity of his pas- began to conceive hopes of her altogether sions —he meets accidentally with Mrs unworthy of his own character and her deHornbeck, who elopes with him from her serts. husband, but is restored by the inter- Meanwhile, being destitute of a toy for the position of the British ambassador. dalliance of his idle hours, he employed several spies, and almost every day made a tour THOUGH Mr Jolter was extremely well of the public places in person, with a view pleased at the safety of his pupil, he could of procuring intelligence of Mr Hornbeck, not forgive him for the terror and anxiety he with whose wife he longed to have another had undergone on his account; and roundly interview. In this course of expectation had told him, that, notwithstanding the inclination he exercised himself a whole fortnight, when, and attachment he had to his person, he chancing to be at the hospital of invalids, would immediately depart for England, if with a gentleman lately arrived from Engever he should hear of his being involved in land, he no sooner entered the church, than such another adventure; for it could not be he perceived this lady, attended by her spouse, expected that he would sacrifice his own who, at the sight of our hero, changed colquiet to an unrequited regard for one who our, and looked another way, in order to disseemed determined to keep him in continued courage any communication between them. uneasiness and apprehension. But the young man, who was not so easily Q 122 SMOLLETT'S SELECT WORKS. repulsed, advanced with great assurance to After the first transports of their mutuai his fellow-traveller, and, taking him by the joy at meeting, she told him that her hushand, expressed his satisfaction at this un- band had been very surly and cross ever since expected meeting, kindly upbraiding him for the adventure at Chantilly, which he had not his precipitate retreat from Chantilly. Be- yet digested; that he had laid severe injuncfore Hornbeck could make any reply, he tions upon her to avoid all commerce with went up to his wife, whom he complimented Pickle, and even threatened to shut her up in in the same manner, assuring her, with some a convent for life, if ever she should discover significant glances, he was extremely morti- the least inclination to renew that acquaintfied that she had put it out of his power to ance; that she had been cooped up in hei pay his respects to her on his first arrival at chamber since her arrival at Paris, without Paris; and then, turning to her husband, who being permitted to see the place, or indeed thought proper to keep close to him in this any company, except that of her landlady, conference, begged to know where he could whose language she did not understand; so have the honour of waiting upon him; ob- that her spirit being broke, and her health serving, at the same time, that he himself impaired, he was prevailed upon, some days lived a l'Academie de Palfrenier. ago, to indulge her in a few airings, during Mr Hornbeck, without making any apology which she had seen the gardens of the Luxfor his elopement on the road, thanked Mr embourg, the Thuilleries, and Palais Royal, Pickle for his complaisance in a very cool though at those times when there was no and disobliging manner, saying, that as he company in the walks; and that it was in one intended to shift his lodgings in a day or two, of those excursions she had the happiness of he could not expect the pleasure of seeing meeting with him. Finally, she gave him to him until lie should be settled, when he would understand, that, rather than continue longer call at the academy, and conduct him to his under such confinement, with the man whom new habitation. she could not love, she would instantly give Pickle, who was not unacquainted with the him the slip, and put herself under the prosentiments of this jealous gentleman, did not tection of her lover. put much confidence in his promise, and Rash and unthinking as this declaretion therefore made divers efforts to enjoy a little might be, the young gentleman was so much private conversation with his wife; but he of a gallant, that he would not baulk the lady's was baffled in all his attempts by the inde- inclinations, and too infatuated by his pasfatigable vigilance of her keeper, and reaped sion to foresee the consequences of such a no other immediate pleasure from this acci- dangerous step. He therefore, without hesdental meeting than that of a kind squeeze itation, embraced the proposal; and the coast while he handed her into the coach. How- being clear, they sallied into the street, where ever, as he had been witness to some instan- Peregrine called a fiacre, and ordered the ces of her invention, and was no stranger to coachman to drive them to a tavern: but, the favourable disposition of her heart, he knowing it would not be in his power to conentertained some faint hopes of profiting by ceal her from the search of the lieutenant de her understanding, and was not deceived in police, if she should remain within the walls his expectations; for, the very next after- of Paris, he hired a remise, and carried her noon, a Savoyard called at the academy, and that same evening to Villejuif, about four put the following billet into his hand. leagues from town, where he staid with her t Coind sur, heaving the playsure of meat- all night; and, having boarded her on a gening with you at the ofspital of anvilheads, I teel pension, and settled the economy of his take this lubbertea of latin you know, that I future visits, returned next day to his own lotch at the hottail de May cong dangle rouy lodgings. Doghouseten, with two postis at the gait, nay- While he thus enjoyed his success, her their of um very hole, ware I shall be at the husband endured the tortures of the damned. windore, if in kais you will be so good as to When he returned from the coffeehouse, and pass that way at sicks a cloak in the heaven- understood that his wife had eloped, without ing, when Mr Hornbeck goes to the Calf hay being perceived by any person in the family, de Contea. Prey fortheloaf of Geesus keep he began to rave and foam with rage and this from the nolegs of my hussban, ells he jealousy, and in the fury of distraction acwill make me leed a hell upon urth. Being all cused the landlady of being an accomplice in from, deer sur, your most urbell servan wile her escape, threatening to complain of her "DEBORAH HOaNBECK." to the cornmissaire. The woman could not Our young gentleman was ravished at the conceive how Mrs Hornbeck, who she knew receipt of this elegant epistle, which was di- was an utter stranger to the French lanrected A Monsr ]Mlonsr Pickell, a la Gad- guage, and kept no sort of company, could damme de Paul Freny, and did not fail to elude the caution of her husband, and find obey the summons at the hour of assigna- any refuge in a place where she had no action; when the lady, true to her appointment, quaintance; and began to suspect the lodgbeckoned him up stairs, and he had the good er's emotion was no other than an affected fortune to be admitted unseen passion to conceal his own practices upoIn ADVENTURES OF PEREGRINE PICKLE. 123 nis wife, who had perhaps fallen a sacrifice British ambassador, who, by dint of friendly to his jealous disposition. She therefore admonitions, would certainly prevail upon spared him the trouble of putting his menaces Mr Pickle to do him all the justice in his into execution, by going to the magistrate power, if he was really the author of the inwithout any farther deliberation, and giving jury he had sustained. The governor urged an account of what she knew concerning this this advice with the appearance of so much mysterious affair, with certain insinuations sympathy and concern, promising to co-opeagainst Mr Hornbeck's character, which she rate with all his influence in his behalf, that represented as peevish and capricious to tle Hornbeck embraced the proposal, communilast degree. cated his purpose to the magistrate, who While she thus anticipated the purpose of commended the resolution as the most decent the plaintiff, her information was interrupted and desirable expedient he could use, and by the arrival of the party himself, who exhibit- then waited upon his excellency, who readily ed his complaint with such evident marks of espoused his cause, a~nd sending for the perturbation, anger, and impatience, that the young gentleman that same evening, read commissaire could easily perceive that he had him such a lecture in private, as extorted a no share in the disappearance of his wife; and confession of the whole affair. Not that he directed them to the lieutenant de police, assailed him with sour and supercilious whose province it is to take cognizance of maxims, or severe rebuke, because he had such occurrences. This gentleman, who pre- penetration enough to discern that Peresides over the city of Paris, having heard the grine's disposition was impregnable to all particulars of Hornbeck's misfortune, asked such attacks; but he first of all rallied him if he suspected any individual person as the upon his intriguing genius, then, in a humorseducer of his yoke-fellow, and, when he ous manner, described the distraction of the mentioned Peregrine as the object of his sus- poor cuckold, who, he owned, was justly picion, granted a warrant, and a detachment punished for the absurdity of his conduct; of soldiers, to search for and retrieve the fu- and, lastly, upon the supposition that it would gitive. be no great effort iwPickle to part with such The husband conducted them immediately a conquest, especiilly after it had been for to the academy where our hero lodged, and some time possessed. He represented the having rummaged the whole place, to the as- necessity and expediency of restoring her, tonishment of Mr Jolter, without finding not only out of regard to his own character, either his wife or the supposed ravisher, ac- and that of his nation, but also with a view companied them to all the public houses in the to his ease, which would in a little time be fauxbourg; which having examined also with- very much invaded by such an incumbranceo out success, he returned to the magistrate in that in all probability would involve him in a state of despair, and obtained a promise of a thousand difficulties and disgusts. Behis making such an effectual inquiry, that, in sides, he assured him, that he was already, three days he should have an account of her, by order of the lieutenant de police, surroundprovided she was alive, and within the walls ed with spies, who would watch all his of Paris. motions, and immediately discover the re. Our adventurer, who had foreseen all this treat in which he had disposed of his prize. disturbance, was not at all surprised, when These arguments, and.the frank familiar his governor told him what had happened, manner in which they were delivered, but, and conjured him to restore the woman to above all, the last consideration, induced; the right owner, with many pathetic remon- the young gentleman to disclose the whole strances touching the heinous sin of adultery, of his proceedings to the ambassador, and the distraction of the unfortunate husband, promised to be governed by his direction, and the danger of incurring the resentment provided the lady should not suffer for the of an arbitrary government, which, upon ap- step she had taken, but be received by her plication being made, would not fail of es- husband with due reverence and respect. pousing the cause of the injured. He denied, These stipulations being agreed to, he unwith great effrontery, that he had the least dertook to produce her in eight-and-forty concern in the matter, pretended to regret hours; and taking coach, immediately drove the deportment ofHornbeck, whom he threat- to the place of her residence, where he spent ened to chastise for his scandalous suspicion, a whole day and a night in convincing her and expressed his displeasure at the credulity of the impossibility of their enjoying each of Jolter, who seemed to doubt the veracity other in that manner. Then, returning to. of his asseveration. Paris, he delivered her into the hands of the Notwithstanding this confident behaviour, ambassador, who, having assured her that Jolter could not help entertainingr doubts of she mnight depend upon his friendship and his sincerity; anrd, visiting the disconsolate protection, in case she should find herself swain, begoed he would, for the honour of aggrieved by the jealous temper of Mr Hornhis country, as well as for the sa!ie of his beck, restored her to her legitimate lord, own reputation, discontinue his addresses to whom he counselled to exempt heS -from that thle lieutenant de police, and apply to the restraint which in all probability itgd beep 11 124. SMOLLETT'S SELECT WORKS. the cause of her elopement, and endeavour for the sarme journey; and, in ordei to refresh to conciliate her affection by tender and his menmory, made a second circuit round respectful usage. all the places in that capital, where any The husband behaved with great humility curious production of art is to be seen. In and compliance, protesting that his chief the course of this second examination, he study should be to contrive parties for her chanced to enter the Palais Royal, just as pleasure and satisfaction. But no sooner two gentlemen alighted from a fiacre at the did he regain possession of his stray sheep, gate; and all three being admitted at the than he locked her up more closely than same time, he soon perceived that the stranever; and, after having revolved various gers were of his own country. One of schemes for her reformation, determined them was a young man in whose air and to board her in a convent, under the inspec- countenance appeared all the uncouth gration of' a prudent abbess, who should super- vity and supercilious self-conceit of a physiintend her morals, and recal her to the paths cian piping hot from his studies; while the of virtue, which she had forsaken. With other, to whom his companion spoke by the this view he consulted an English priest of appellation of Mr Pallet, displayed at first his acquaintance, who advised him to settle sight a strange composition of levity and her in a monastery at Lisle, that she might assurance. Indeed their characters, dress, be as far as possible from the machinations and address, were strongly contrasted: the of her lover; and gave him a letter of recom- doctor wore a suit of black, and a huge tie. mendation to the superior ofa certain convent wig, neither suitable to his own age, nor in that place, for which Mr Hornbeck set the fashion of the country where he then out in a few days with his troublesome charge. lived; whereas the other, though seemingly turned of fifty, strutted in a gay summer dress of the Parisian cut, with a bag to his CHAPTER XL[I. own grey hair, and a red feather in his hat, which he carried under his arm. As these Peregrine resolves to rtcrn to England- figures seemed to promise something enteris diverted with the odd characters of two taining, Pickle entered into conversation qf his countrymen, with whom he con- with them immediately, and soon discovered tracts an acquaintance in the apartments that the old gentleman was a painter from of the Palais Royal. London, who had stole a fortnight from his occupation, in order to visit the remarkable IN the mean time, our hero received a letter paintings of France and Flanders; and that from his aunt, importing that the commodore the doctor had taken the opportunity of was in a very declining way, and longed accompanying him in his tour. Being exmuch to see him at the garrison; and, at the tremely talkative, he not only communicated same tinte, he heard from his sister, who these particulars to our hero in a very few gave him to understand, that the young minutes after their meeting, but also took gentleman who had for some time made his occasion to whisper in his ear, that his feladdresses to her, was become very pressing low-traveller was a man of vast learning, in his solicitations; so that she wanted to and, beyond all doubt, the greatest poet in know in what manner she should answer the age. As for himself, he was under no his repeated entreaties. These two consi- necessity of making his own eulogium; for derations determined the young gentleman to he soon gave such specimens of his taste return to his native country, a resolution and talents, as left Pickle no room to doubt that was far from being disagreeable to Jolter, of his capacity. who knew that the incumbent on a living While they stood considering the pictures whichwas inthe gift ofTrunnion was extreme- in one of the first apartments, which are by ly old, and that it would be his interest to be no means the most masterly compositions, upon the spot at the said incumbent's decease. the Swiss, who sets up for a connoisseur, Peregrine, who had resided about fifteen looking at a, certain piece, pronounced the months in France, thought he was now suffi- word magnifgque! with a note of admiration, ciently qualified foreclipsingmost of his con- upon which Mr Pallet, who was not at all a temporaries in England, and therefore prepar- critic in the French language, replied with ed for his departure with infinite alacrity, be- great vivacity, "Manufac, you mean, and ing moreover inflamed with the most ardent a very indifferent piece of manufacture it is, desire of revisiting his friends, and renewing pray, gentlemen, take notice, there is no his connexions, particularly with Emilia, keeping in those heads upon the back whose heart he, by this time, thought he was ground, nor no relief in the principal figure: able to reduce on his own terms. then you'll observe the shadings are harsh As he proposed to make the tour of Flan, to the last degree; and-come a little closer ders and Holland in his return to England, this way —don't you perceive that the forehe resolved-to stay at Paris a week or two shortening of that arm is monstrous-agad, after his affairs were settled, in hope of Sir, there is an absolute fracture in the limb finding sone. agreeable companion disposed -doctor, you understand anatomy; don't ADVENTURES OF PEREGRINE PICKLE. 125 you think that muscle evidently misplac- fragments of authors, whom his supposed ed? Hark ye, Mr What d'ye call um competitor did not even know by name; (turning to the attendant), what is the name while Mr Pallet stared with admiration at of the dauber who painted that miserable the profound scholarship of his companion. performance?" The Swiss, imagining that Our young gentleman, far from repining at he was all this time expressing his satisfac- this superiority, laughed within himself at tion, sanctioned his supposed commendation, the ridiculous ambition of the pedantic docby exclaiming sans prix. "Right," cried tor. He rated him in his own mind as a Pallet, "I could not recollect his name, mere index-hunter, who held the eel of scithough his manner is quite familiar to me. ence by the tail; and foresaw an infinite We have a few pieces in England done by fund of diversion in his solemnity and pride, that same Sangpree; but there they are in if properly extracted by means of his fellow no estimation; we have more taste among us traveller's vanity and assurance. Prompted than to relish the productions of such a by these considerations, he resolved to culti-.miserable gout. A'n't he an ignorant cox- vate their acquaintance, and, if possible, comb, doctor?" The physician, ashamed of amuse himself at their expence in his his companion's blunder, thought it was ne- journey through Flanders, understanding that cessary, for the honour of his own character, they were determined upon the same route. to take notice of it before the stranger, and In this view he treated them with extraorditherefore answered his question, by repeat- nary attention, and seemed to pay particular ing this line from Horace,- deference to the remarks of the painter, who Mutato nornime, de te fabula narratur. with great intrepidity pronounced judgment upon every picture in the palace, or, in other The painter, who was rather more igno- words, exposed his own nakedness in rant of Latin than of French, taking it for every sentence that proceeded from his granted that this quotation of his friend con- mouth. veyed an assent to his opinion, "Very true," When they came to consider the Murder said he "potato domine date,-this piece is of the Innocents, by Le Brun, the Swiss obnot worth a single potato." Peregrine served, that it was un beau morceau; and was astonished at this surprising perversion Mr Pallet replied, "Yes, yes, one may see of the words and meaning of a Latin line, with half an eye, that it can be the producwhich, at first, he could not help thinking tion of no other; for Bomorso's style, both was a premeditated joke: but upon second in colouring and drapery, is altogether pethoughts, he saw no reason to doubt that it culiar; then his design is tame, and his exwas the extemporaneous effect of sheer pert- pression antic and unnatural. Doctor, you ness and ignorance, at which he broke out have seen my Judgment of Solomon; I think into an immoderate fit of laughter. Pallet, I may, without presumption-but I don't believing that the gentleman's mirth was oc- chuse to make comparisons; I leave that casioned by his arch animadversion upon the odious task to other people, and let my works works of Sangpree, underwent the same speak for themselves. France, to be sure, emotion in a much louder strain, and endea- is rich in the arts; but what is the reason? voured to heighten the jest by more observa- The king encourages men of genius with hotions of the same nature; while the doctor, nour and rewards; whereas, in England, we confounded at his impudence and want of are obliged to stand upon our own feet, and knowledge, reprimanded him in these words combat the envy and malice of our brethren of Homer:- — agad! I have a good mind to come and settle here in Paris; I should like to have an Siga me tis allos Athalon touton akouse muthon. apartment in the ouvre, with a snug pen-. apartment in the Louvre, with a snug penThis rebuke, the reader will easily per- sion of so many thousand livres." In this ceive, was not calculated for the meridian manner did Pallet proceed with an eternal of his friend's intellects, but uttered with a rotation of tongue, floundering from one view of raising his own character in the mistake to another, until it was the turn of opinion of Mr Pickle, who retorted this pa- Poussin's Seven Sacraments to be examined.' rade of learning in three verses from the Here again the Swiss, out of the abundance same author, being part of the speech of Po- of his zeal, expressed his admiration, by saylydamas to Hector, imnporting that it is im- ing these pieces were impayable; when the possible for one man to excel in every thing. painter, turning to him with an air of exulThe self-sufficient physician, who did not ex- tation, "Pardon me, friend, there you happect such a repartee from a youth of Pere- pen to be mistaken; these are none of tingrine's appearance, looked upon his reply payable's, but done by Nicholas Pouseen. I as a fair challenge, and instantly rehearsed have seen prints of them in England; so forty or fifty lines of the Iliad in a breath. that none of your tricks upon travellers, Mr Observing that the stranger made no effort Swiss, or Swash, or what's yopr name." to match this effusion, he interpreted his si- He was very much elated by this, imaginary lence into submission; then, in order to as- triumph of his understanding, whi6h Animatcertain his victory, insulted him with divers ed him to persevere in his curiou.s observa 12'6 SMOLLETT'S SELECT WORKS. tions upon all the other pieces of that cele- red-hot thunderbolt, Keraunon amphipuron; brated collection; but perceiving that the there Pallas, dreadful to the view, Gorgopon, doctor manifested no signs of pleasure and brandisheth her spear against the huge Ensatisfaction, but rather beheld them with a celadus; and Bacchus, with slender ivy rods, silent air of disdain, he could not digest his defeats and slays the gas teknon, or mighty indifference, and asked, with awaggish sneer, son of earth. The painter was astonished if ever he had seen such a number of mas- and confounded at this rhapsody of names terpieces before. The physician, eyeing him and instances, which was uttered with surwith a look of compassion mingled with con- prising eagerness and rapidity, and suspected tempt, observed, there was nothing there at first that the whole was the creation of which deserved the attention of any person his own brain; but when Pickle, with a view acquainted with the ideas of the ancients; of flattering the doctor's self conceit, espousand that the author of the finest piece now in ed his side of the question, and confirmed being was unworthy to clean the brushes of the truth of every thing he advanced, Mr one of those great masters who are celebrat- Pallet changed his opinion, and in emphatic ed by the Greek and Roman writers. " O silence adored the immensity of his friend's iud! O lud!" exclaimed the painter, with a understanding. In short, Peregrine easily loud laugh, "you have fairly brought your- perceived that they were false enthusiasts, self into a dilemma at last, dear doctor; without the smallest pretensions to taste and for it is well known that your ancient Greek sensibility, and pretended to be in raptures and Roman artists knew nothing at all or the with they knew not what, the one thinking matter, in comparison with our modern mas- it was incumbent upon him to express transters; for this good reason, because they had ports on seeing the works of those who had but three or four col urs, and knew not how been most eminent in his profession, wheto paint with oil: besides, which of all your ther they did or did not really raise his admiold fusty Grecians would you put upon a ration; and the other, as a scholar, deeming footing with the divine Raphael, the most it his duty to magnify the ancients above all excellent Michael Angelo, Bona Roti, the competition, with an affected fervour, which graceful Guido, the bewitching Titian, and, the knowledge of their excellencies never inabove all others, the sublime Rubens, the"- spired. Indeed, our young gentleman so He would have proceeded with a long cata- successfully accommodated himself to the logue of names which he had got by heart dispositions of each, that long before their for the purpose, without retaining the least review was finished, he was become a partiidea of their several qualifications, had not cular favourite with both. he been interrupted by his friend, whose in- From the Palais Royal he accompanied dignation being kindled by the irreverence them to the cloisters of the Carthusians, with which he mentioned the Greeks, he where they considered the History of St called him blasphemer, Goth, Bceotian, and, Bruno, by Le Seur, whose name being in his turn, asked with great vehemence, utterly unknown to the painter, he gave which of those puny moderns could match judgment against the whole composition, as with Paneenus of Athens, and his brother pitiful and paltry, though, in the opinion of Phidias, Polycletus ofSicyon, Polygnotus the all good judges, it is a most masterly perThracian, Parrhasias of Ephesus, surnamed formance. Abrodiaitos, or the Beau, and Apelles, the Having satisfied their curiosity in this prince of painters? He challenged him to place, Peregrine asked them to favour him show any portrait of these days that could with their company at dinner; but whether viewith the Helen of Zeuxis, the Heraclean, out of caution against the insinuations of or any composition equal to the sacrifice of one whose character they did not know, or Iphigenia, by Timanthes the Sicyonian; not by reason of a prior engagement, they deto mention the Twelve Gods of Asclepiado- clined his invitation, on pretence of having rus the Athenian, for which Mnason, tyrant an appointment at a certain ordinary, though of Elatea, gave him about three hundred they expressed a desire of being farther acpounds a-piece; or Homer's hell, by Nicias, quainted with him; and Mr Pallet took the who refused sixty talents, amounting to up- freedom of asking his name, which he not wards of eleven thousand pounds, and gene- only declared, but promised, as they were rously made a present of it to his own coun- strangers in Paris, to wait upon them next try. He desired him to produce a collection day in the forenoon, in order to conduct equal to that in the temple of Delphos, men- them to the hotel de Thoulouse, and the tioned in the Ion of Euripides, where Hercu- houses of several other noblemen, remarkales and his companion Iolaus are represent- ble for paintings or curious furniture. They ed in the act of killing the Lernman hydra, thankfully embraced his proposal, and that with golden sickles, kruseais harpais, where same day made inquiry among the English Bellerophont.ppears on his winged steed, gentlemen about the character of our hero, vanquishi-rg the fire-breathing chimera, tan which they found so much to their satispuripneOusahr and the war of the giants is faction, that upon their second meeting they described- here Jupiter stands wielding the courted his good graces without reserve; ADVENTURES OF PEREGRINE PICKLE. 127 and, as they had heard of his intended de. land!" " For a very plain reason," (replied parture, begged earnestly to have the honour the other), "because they are not so well of accompanying him through the Low fed. The iron hand of oppression is extendCountries. He assured them that nothing ed to all animals within the French domincould be more agreeable to him than the ions, even to the beasts of the field and the prospect of having such fellow-travellers; fowls of the air. Kunessin oionoisi te and they immediately appointed a day for pasi." " Egad!" cried the painter, "that setting out on that tour. is a truth not to be controverted - for my own pard I am none of ycur tit-bits, one would thinl, but yet there's a freshness in the EngCHAPTER XLIII. lish complexion, a ginseekye, I think you call it, so inviting to a hungry Frenchman, He introduces his new friends to Mr Jolter, that I have caught several in the very act with whom the doctor enters into a dis- of viewing me with an eye of extreme pute upon government, which had well appetite as I passed; and as for their curs, nigh terminated in open war. or rather their wolves, whenever I set my eyes on one of'em, ah! your humble MEANWHILE, he not only made them ac- servant, Mr Son of a bitch; I am upon quainted with every thing worth seeing in my guard in an instant. The doctor town, but attended them in their excursions can testify that their very horses, or more to all the king's houses within a day's jour- properly their live carrion, that drew our ney of Paris; and, in the course of these chaise, used to reach back their long necks, parties, treated them with an elegant dinner and smell at us as a couple of delicious morat his own apartments, where a dispute arose sels." between the doctor and Mr Jolter, which had This sally of Mr Pallet, which was rewell nigh terminated in an irreconcilable ceived with a general laugh of approbation, animosity. These gentlemen, with an equal would, in all probability, have stifled the disshare of pride, pedantry, and saturnine dis- pute in embryo, had not Mr Jolter, with a position, were, by the accidents of education self-applauding simper, ironically compliand company, diametrically opposite in poli- mented the strangers on their talking like tical maxims; the one, as we have already true Englishmen. The doctor, affronted at observed, being a bigotted high-churchman, the insinuation, told him with some warmth, and the other a rank republican. It was an that he was mistaken in his conjecture, his article of the governor's creed, that the affections and ideas being confined to no people could not be happy, nor the earth particular country; for he considered himyield its fruits in abundance, under a restrict- self as a citizen of the world. He owned ed clergy and limited government; whereas, himself more attached to England than to in the doctor's opinion, it was an eternal any other kingdom, but this preference was truth that no constitution was so perfect as the effect of reflection, and not of prejudice; the democracy, and that no country could because the British constitution approached flourish, but under the administration of the nearer than any other to that perfection of mob. government, the democracy of Athens, which These considerations being premised, no lhe hoped one day to see revived. He menwonder that they happened to disagree in the tioned the death of Charles I. and the expulfreedom of an unreserved conversation, es- sion of his son, with raptures of applause; pecially as their entertainer took all oppor- inveighed with great acrimony against the tunities of encouraging and inflaming the kingly name; and, in order to strengthen his contention. The first source of their differ- opinion, repeated forty or fifty lines from ence was an unlucky remark of the painter, one of the philippics of Demosthenes. Jolwho observed that the partridge of which he ter hearing him speak so disrespectfully of was then eating, had the finest relish of any the higher powers, glowed with indignation. he had ever tasted. His friend owned that He said his doctrines were detestable, and the birds were the best of the kind he had destructive of all right, order,.and society; seen in France; but affirmed that they were that monarchy was of divine institution, neither so plump nor so deliciouas those that therefore indefeasible by any human power; were caught in England. The governor, and, of consequence, those events in the considering this observation as the effect of English history, which he had so liberally prejudice and inexperience, said, with a sar- commended, were no other than flagrant incastical smile,-" I believe, Sir, you are very stances of sacrilege, perfidy, and sedition; well disposed to find every thing here infe- that the democracy of Athens was a most rior to the productions of your own country." absurd constitution, productive of anarchy "True, Sir," (answered the physician, with and mischief, which must always happen a certain solemnity of aspect), " and not when the government of a nation depends without good reason, I hope." "And pray," upon the caprice of the ignorant hair-brain(resumed the tutor), " why may not the par- ed vulgar: that it was in the power of th tridges of France be as good as those of Eng- most profligate member ofthe commonwealth 11* 128 SMOLLETT'S SELECT WORKS. provided he was endowed with eloquence, to should have made himself more master of his ruin the most deserving, by a desperate ex- subject. ertion of his talents upon the populace, who Peregrine both wished and hoped to see had often been persuaded to act in the most the disputants proceed to arguments of more ungrateful and imprudent manner against the weight and conviction; and the painter, dreadgreatest patriots that their country had pro- ing the same issue, interposed with the usual duced; and, finally, he averred, that the lib- exclamation of " For God's sake, gentleeral arts and sciences had never flourished men!" when the governor rose from the taso much in a republic as under the eriour- ble in great dudgeon, and left the room. mutagement and protection of absolute power; tering some ejaculation, of which the word witness the Augustan age, and the reign of coxcomb only could be distinctly heard.Lewis XIV.; nor was it to be supposed that The physician being thus left master of the genius and merit could ever be so amply re- field of battle, was complimented on his viccompensed by the individuals or distracted tory by Peregrine, and so elevated by his succouncils of a commonwealth, as by the ge- cess, that he declaimed a full hour on the nerosity and magnificence of one who had absurdity of Jolter's proposition, and the the whole treasures at his own command. beauty of the democratic administration; Peregrine, who was pleased to find the canvassed the whole scheme of Plato's recontest grow warm, observed that there public, with many quotations from that ideal seemed to be a good deal of truth in what author, touching the to kalon; from thence Mr Jolter advanced; and the painter, whose he made a transition to the moral sense of opinion began to waver, looked with a face Shaftesbury, and concluded his harangue of expectation at his friend, who, modelling with the greatest part of that frothy writer's his features into an expression of exulting rhapsody, which he repeated with all the vidisdain, asked of his antagonist, if he did not olence of enthusiastic agitation, to the unthink that the very power of rewarding merit speakable satisfaction of his entertainer, and enabled an absolute prince to indulge him- the unutterable admiration of Pallet, who self in the most arbitrary licence over the looked upon him as something supernatural lives and fortunes of his people. Before the and divine. So intoxicated was this vain governor had time to answer this question, young man with the ironical praises of PicPallet broke forth into an exclamation of' kle, that he forthwith shook off all reserve, "s By the Lord! that is certainly fact, egad! and, having professed a friendship for our that was a home thrust, doctor." When Mr hero, whose taste and learning he did not Jolter, chastising this shallow intruder with fail to extol, intimated, in plain terms, that a contemptuous look, affirmed, that though he was the only person in these latter ages supreme power furnished a good prince with who possessed that sublime genius, that porthe means of exerting his virtues, it would tion of the divinity, of ti theion, which imnot support a tyrant in the exercise of cruelty mortalized the Grecian poets; that as Pythaand oppression; because in all nations the goras affirmed the spirit of Euphorbus had genius of the people must be consulted by transmigrated into his body, he, the doctor, their governors, and the burden proportioned was strangely possessed with the opinion to the shoulders on which it is laid, —" Else, that he himself was inspired by the soul of what follows!" said the physician. "The Pindar; because, making allowance for the consequence is plain," replied the governor, difference of languages in which they wrote, "insurrection, revolt, and his own destruc- there was a surprising affinity between his tion; for it is not to be supposed that the sub- own works and those of that celebrated Thejects of any nation would be so abject and ban; and, as a confirmation of this truth, he pusillanimous as to neglect the means which immediately produced a sample of each, Heaven had put in their power for their own which, though in spirit and versification as preservation." " Gadzooks, you're in the different as the odes of Horace and our presright, Sir," cried Pallet, "that, I grant you, ent poet laureat, Peregrine did not scruple must be confessed: doctor, I'm afraid we to pronounce altogether congenial, notwithhave got into the wrong box." This son of standing the violence he by this sentence ofPman, however, far from being of his friend's fered to his own conscience, and a certain opinion, observed, with an air of triumph, that alarm of hi pride, that was weak enough to he would not only demonstrate the sophistry be disturbed by the physician's ridiculous of the gentleman's last allegation by argu- vanity and presumption, which, not contentments and facts, but even confute him with ed with displaying his importance in the his own words. Jolter's eyes kindling at this world of taste and polite literature, manifestpresumptuous declaration, he told his antag- ed itself in arrogating certain material disonist, while his lip quivered with resentment, coveries in the province of physic, which that if his arguments were no better than his could not fail to advance him to the highest breeding, he was sure he would make very pinnacle of that profession, considering the few converts to his opinion; and the doctor, recommendation of his other talents, together with all the insolence of triumph, advised him with a liberal fortune which he inherited from o beware of disputes for the future, until he his father. ADVENTURES OF PEREGRINE PICKLE. 129 dear sir! for the passion of Jesus Christ! CHAPTER XLIV. spare me the mortification of the honey and oil!" Their ears still vibrated with the sound, The doctor prepares an entertainment in when the doctor entering, was by Peregrine the manner of the ancients, which is at- made acquainted with the strangers, to whomn tended with divers ridiculous circum- le, in the transports of his wrath, could not stances. help complaining of the want of complaisance he had found in the Parisian vulgar, by which IN a word, our young gentleman, by his in- his plan had been almost entirely ruined and sinuating behaviour, acquired the full confi- set aside. The French marquis, who thought dence of the doctor, who invited him to an the honour of his nation was concerned at entertainment, which he intended to prepare this declaration, professed his sorrow for in the manner of the ancients. Pickle, struck what had happened, so contrary to the eswith this idea, eagerly embraced the'propo- tablished character of the people, and undersal, which he honoured with many encomri- took to see the delinquents severely punishums, as a plan in all respects worthy of his ed, provided he could be informed of their genius and apprehension; and the day was names or places of abode. The mutual comappointed at some distance of time, that the pliments that passed on this occasion were treater might have leisure to compose certain scarce finished, when a servant coming into pickles and confections, which were not to the room, announced dinner; and the enterbe found among the culinary preparations of tainer led the way into another apartment, these degenerate days. where they found a long table, or rather two With a view of rendering the'physician's boards joined together, and furnished with a taste more conspicuous, and extracting from variety of dishes, the steams of which had it the more diversion, Peregrine proposed such evident effect upon the nerves of the that some foreigners should partake of the company, that the marquis made frightful banquet; and the task being left to his care grimaces, under pretence of taking snuff; and discretion, he actually bespoke the com- the Italian's eyes watered, the German's vispany of a French marquis, an Italian count, age underwent several distortions of feature; and a German baron, whom he knew to be our hero found means to exclude the odour egregious coxcombs, and therefore more like- from his sense of smelling, by breathing only ly to enhance the joy of the entertainment. through his mouth; and the poor painter, Accordingly, the hour being arrived, he running into another room, plugged his nosconducted them to the hotel where the phy- trils with tobacco. The doctor himself, who sician lodged, after having regaled their ex- was the only person then present whose orpectations with an elegant meal in the gen- gans were not discomposed, pointing to a uine old Roman taste; and they were receiv- couple of couches placed on each side of the ed by Mr Pallet, who did the honours of the table, told his guests that he was sorry he house, while his friend superintended the could not procure the exact triclinia of the cook below. By this communicative painter, ancients, which were somewhat different the guests understood that the doctor had from these conveniences, and desired they met with numerous difficulties in the execu- would have the goodness to repose themtion of his design; that no fewer than five selves without ceremony, each in his respeccooks had been dismissed, because they could tive couchette, while he and his friend Mr not prevail upon their own consciences to Pallet would place themselves upright at the obey his directions in things that were con- ends, that they might have the pleasure of trary to the present practice of their art; and serving those that lay along. This disposithat although he had at last engaged a per- tion, of which the strangers had no previous son, by an extraordinary premium, to com- idea, disconcerted and perplexed them in a ply with his orders, the fellow was so aston-'most ridiculous manner; the marquis and ished, mortified, and incensed, at the corn- baron stood bowing to each other, on premands he had received, that his hair stood tence of disputing the lower seat, but, in reon end, and he begged on his knees to be ality, with a view of profiting by the example released from the agreement he had made; of each other: for neither of them understood but finding that his employer insisted upon the manner in which they were to loll; and the performance of his contract, and threat- Peregrine, who enjoyedtheirconfusion, handened to introduce him to the commissaire, ed the count to the other side, where, with if he should flinch from the bargain, he had, tile most mischievous politeness, he insistin the discharge of his office, wept, sung, ed upon his taking possession of the uppei cursed, and capered, for two hours without place. intermission. In this disagreeable and ludicrous suspense. While the company listened to this odd they continued acting a pantomime of ges information, by which they were prepossess- ticulations, until the doctor earnestly entreated with strange notions of the dinner, their ed them to wave all compliment and form, ears were invaded by a piteous voice, that lest the dinner should be spoiled before the exclaimed in French, "II For the love of God! ceremonial could be adjusted. Thus conjur. R 130 SMOLLETT'S SELECT WORKS. ed, Peregrine took the lower couch on the composed of pickle, oil, honey, and flur, left hand side, laying himself gently down, and a curious hashis of the lights, liver, and with his face towards the table. The mar- blood of a hare, together with a dish of roastquis, in imitation of this pattern, (thofgh he ed pigeons. Monsieur le Baron, shall I help would have much rather fasted three days you to a plate of this soup?" The German, than run the risk of discomposing his dress who did not at all disapprove of the ingreby such an attitude), stretched himself upon dients, assented to the proposal, and seemed the opposite place, reclining upon his elbow to relish the composition; while the marquis, in a most painful and awkward situation, being asked by the painter which of the silwith his head raised above the end of the ]ykickabys he chose, was, in consequence of couch, that the economy of his hair might his desire, accommodated with a portion of not suffer by the projection of his body. The the soup-maigre; and the count, in lieu of Italian, being a thin limber creature, planted spoon meat, of which he said he was no great himself next to Pickle, without sustaining admirer, supplied himself with a pigeon, any misfortune, but that of his stocking being therein conforming to the choice of our young torn by a ragged nail of the seat, as he rais- gentleman, whose example he determined to ed his legs on a level with the rest of his follow through the whole course of the enlimbs. But the baron, who was neither so tertainment. wieldy nor supple in his joints as his compa- The Frenchman, having swallowed the nions, flounced himself down with such pre- first spoonful, made a full pause, his throat cipitation, that his feet, suddenly tilting up, swelled as if an egg had stuck in his gullet, came in furious contact with the head of the his eyes rolled, and his mouth underwent a marquis, and demolished every curl in a series of involuntary contractions and dilatwinkling, while his own skull, at the same tions. Pallet, who looked steadfastly at this instant, descended upon the side of his couch connoisseur, with a view of consulting his with such violence, that his periwig was taste, before he himself would venture upon struck off, and the whole room filled with the soup, began to be disturbed at these pulvilio. emotions, and observed, with some concern, The drollery of distress that attended this that the poor gentleman seemed to be going disaster entirely vanquished the affected grav- into a fit; when Peregrine assured him, that ity of our young gentleman, who was obliged these were symptoms of ecstasy, and, for to suppress his laughter by cramming his further confirmation, asked the marquis how handkerchief into his mouth; for the bare- he found the soup. It was with infinite difheaded German asked pardon with such ficulty that his complaisance could so far ridiculous confusion, and the marquis admit- master his disgust, as to enable him to answer, ted his apology with such rueful complaisance, "Altogether excellent, upon my honour!" as were sufficient to awaken the mirth of a and the painter, being certified of his approquietist. bation, lifted the spoon to his mouth without This misfortune being repaired, as well as scruple; but far from justifying the eulogium the circumstances of the occasion would per- of his taster, when this precious composition mit, and every one settled according to the diffised itself upon his palate, he seemed to arrangement already described, the doctor be deprived of all sense and motion, and sat graciously undertook to give some account like the leaden statue of some river god, with of the dishes as they occurred, that the com- the liquor flowing out at both sides of his pany might be directed in their choice; and, mouth. with an air of infinite satisfaction, thus be- The doctor, alarmed at this indecent phegan:-" This here, gentlemen, is a boiled nomenon, earnestly inquired into the cause goose, served up in a sauce composed of of it; and when Pallet recovered his recolpepper, lovage, coriander, mint, rue, an- lection, and swore that he would rather swalchovies, and oil. I wish for your sakes, gen- low porridge made of burning brimstone than tlemen, it was one of the geese of Ferrara, such an infernal mess as that which he had so much celebrated among the ancients for tasted, the physician, in his own vindication, the magnitude of their livers, one of which assured the company that, except the usual is said to have weighed upwards of two ingredients, he had mixed nothing in the pounds; with this food, exquisite as it was, soup but some sal ammoniac, instead of the did the tyrant Heliogabalus regale his hounds. ancient nilrum, which could not now be proBut I beg pardon, I had almost forgotthe soup, cured; and appealed to the marquis, whether which I hear is so necessary an article at all such a succedaneum was not an improvement tables in France. At each end there are dishes on the whole. The unfortunate petit maitre, of the salacacabia of the Romans; one is driven to the extremity of his condescension, made of parsley, pennyroyal, cheese, pine- acknowledged it to be a masterly refinement; tops, honey, vinegar, brine, eggs, cucum- and deeming himself obliged, in point of bers, onions, and hen livers; the other is honour, to evince his sentiments by his much the same as the soup-maigre of this practice, forced a few more mouthfuls of country. Then there is a loin of boiled veal this disagreeable potion down his throat, till with fennel and carraway seed, on a pottage his stomach was so much offended, that he ADVENTURES OF PEREGRINE PICKLE. 131 was compelled to start up of a sudden; and, magnificent. "'That which smokes in the in the hurry of his elevation, overturned his middle," said he, 1" is a sow's stomach, filled plate into the bosom of the baron. The with a composition of minced pork, hog's emergency of his occasions would not permit brains, eggs, pepper, cloves, garlic, aniseed, him to stay and make apologies for this ab- rue, ginger, oil, wine, and pickle. On the rupt behaviour; so that he flew into another right-hand side are the teats and belly of a apartment, where Pickle found him puking, sow just farrowed, fried with sweet wine, oil, and crossing himself with great devotion; flour, lovage, and pepper. On the left is a and a chair, at his desire, being brought to fricassee of snails, fed, or rather purged, the door, he slipped into it more dead than with milk. At that end next Mr Pallet are alive, conjuring his friend Pickle to make his fritters of pompions, lovage, origanum, and peace with the company, and in particular oil; and here are a couple of pullets, roasted excuse him to the baron, on account of the and stuffed in the manner of Appicius." violent fit of illness with which he had been The painter, who had by wry faces testlseized. It was not without reason that he fled his abhorrence of the sow's stomach, employed a mediator; for when our hero re- which he compared to a bagpipe, and the turned to the dining-room, the German got snails which had undergone purgation, no up, and was under the hands of his own sooner heard him mention the roasted pullets, lacquey, who wiped the grease from a rich than he eagerly solicited a wing of the fowl; embroidered waistcoat, while he, almost upon which the doctor desired he would take frantic with his misfortune, stamped upon the trouble of cuttingthem up, and accordingthe ground, and in High Dutch cursed the ly sent them round, while Mr Pallet tucked unlucky banquet, and the impertinent enter- the table cloth under his chin, and brandished tainer, who all this time, with great delibera- his knife and fork with singular address; tion, consoled him forthe disaster, by assuring but scarce were they set down before him, him, that the damage might be repaired with when the tears ran down his cheeks, and some oil of turpentine and a hot iron. Pe- he called aloud, in a manifest disorder,regrine, who could scarce refrain from laugh- " Zounds! this is the essence of a whole ing in his face, appeased his indignation, by bed of garlic!" That he might not, however, telling him how much the whole company, disappoint or disgrace the entertainer, he and especially the marquis, was mortified at applied his instruments to one of the birds; the accident; and the unhappy salacacabia and, when he opened up the cavity, was asbeing removed, the places were filled with saulted by such an irruption of intolerable two pyes, one of dormice, liquored with syrup smells, that, without staying to disengage of white poppies, which the doctor had sub- himself from the cloth, he sprung away, with stituted in the room of roasted poppyseed, an exclamation of "Lord Jesus!" and informerly eaten with honey, as a dessert; and volved the whole table in havoc, ruin, and the other composed of an hock of pork baked confusion. in honey. Before Pickle could accomplish his escape, Pallet, hearing the first of these dishes de- he was sauced with a syrup of the dormice scribed, lifted up his hands and eyes, and, pye, which went to pieces in the general with signs of loathing and amazement, pro- wreck: and as for the Italian count, he was nounced, "A pie made of dormice and syrup overwhelmed by the sow's stomach, which, of poppies! Lord in heaven! what beastly bursting in the fall, discharged its contents fellows those Romans were!" His friend upon his leg and thigh, and scalded him so checked him for his irreverent exclamation miserably, that he shrieked with anguish, with a severe look, and recommended the and grinned with a most ghastly and horriveal, of which he himself cheerfully ate, with ble aspect. such encomiums to the company, that the The baron, who sat secure without the baron resolved to imitate his example, after vortex of this tumult, was not at all dishaving called for a bumper of Burgundy, pleased at seeing his companions:involved which the physician, for his sake, wished to in such a calamity as that which he had have been'the true wine of Falernum. The already shared; but the doctor was confoundpainter, seeing nothing else upon the table ed with shame and vexation. After having which he would venture to touch, made a prescribed an application of oil to the count's merit of necessity, and had recourse to the leg, he expressed his sorrow for the misadveal also; although he could not help saying, venture, which he openly ascribed to want that lie would not give one slice of the roast of taste and prudence in the painter, who beef of Old England for all the dainties of a did not think proper to return, and make an Roman emperor's table. But all the doctor's apology in person; and protested that there Invitations and assurances could not prevail was nothing in the fowls which could give of upon his guests to honour the hashis and the fence to a sensible nose, the stuffing being tt goose; and that course was succeeded by mixture ofpepper, lovage, andassafit.ida, and' another, in which he told them were divers the sauce consisting of wine and herring of those dishes, which, among the ancients, pickle, which he had used instead of the celenad obtained the appellation of politeles, or brated garum of the Romans; that famous 132 SMOLLETT'S SELECT WORKS. pickle having been prepared sometimes of room, until Peregrine undertook to procure the scombri, which were a sort of tunny his pardon from those whom he had injured fish, and sometimes of the silurus, or shad Having assured him of this indulgence, our fish; nay, he observed, that there was a third young gentleman led him in like a criminal, kind called garum haemation, made of the bowing on all hands with an air of humility guts, gills and blood of the thynnus. and contrition; and particularly addressing The physician, finding it would be imprac- himself to the count, to whom he swore ticable to re-establish the order of the ban- in English, as God was his Saviour, he had quet, by presenting again the dishes which no intent to affront man, woman, or child; had been discomposed, ordered every thing but was fain to make the best of his way, to be removed, a clean cloth to be laid, and that he might not give the honourable comthe dessert to be brought in. pany cause of offence, by obeying the dicMeanwhile, he regretted his incapacity to tates of nature in their presence. give them a specimen of the alieus, or fish- When Pickle interpreted this apology to meals of the ancients, such as the jus diaba- the Italian, Pallet was forgiven in very polite ton, the conger-eel, which in Galen's opinion terms, and even received into favour by his is hard of digestion; the cornuta, or gur- friend the doctor, in consequence of our hero's nard, described by Pliny in his Natural intercession; so that all the guests forgot History, who says, the horns of many were their chagrin, and paid their respects so a foot and a half in length; the mullet and piously to the bottle, that, in a short time, lamprey, that were in the highest estimation the champaign produced very evident effects of old, of which last Julius Caesar borrowed in the behaviour of all present. six thousand for one triumphal supper. He observed, that the manner of dressing them was described by Horace, in the account CHAPTER XLV. he gives of the entertainment to which Macenas was invited by the epicure Nasiedenus, The painter is persuaded to accompany Pickle to a masquerade in woman's apAffertur squillos inter Murena natantes, &e. parel-is engaoed in a troublesome adand told them, that they were commonly venture, and, with his companion, coneaten with the thus Syriacum, a certain veyed to the Bastile. anodyne and astringent seed, which qualified the purgative nature of the fish. Finally, THE painter, at the request of Pickle, who this learned physician gave them to under- had a design upon the count's sense of hearstand, that, though this was reckoned a luxu- ing, favoured the company with the song of rious dish in the zenith of the Roman taste, Bumper squire Jones, which yielded infinite it was by no means comparable, in point of satisfaction to the baron; but affected the expense, to some preparations in vogue, delicate ears of the Italian in such a manner, about the time of that absurd voluptuary that his features expressed astonishment and Heliogabalus, who ordered the brains of six disquiet; and, by his sudden and repeatedjourhundred ostriches to be compounded in one neys to the door, it plainly appeared that he mess. was in the same predicament with those who, By this time the dessert appeared, and the as Shakspeare observes, when the bagpipe company were not a little rejoiced to see sings in the nose, cannot contain their urine plain olives in salt and water: but what the for affection. master of the feast valued himself upon was With a view, therefore, of vindicating a sort of jelly, which he affirmed to be pre- music from such a barbarous taste, Mr Palferable to the hypotrimma of Hesychius, let had no sooner performed his task, than beingamixture of vinegar, pickle, and honey, the count honoured his friends with some boiled to a proper consistence, and candied favourite airs of his own country, which he assafwatida, which he asserted, in contradic- warbled with infinite grace and expression, tion to Aumelbergius and Lister, was no though they had not energy sufficient to other than the laser Syriacum, so precious engage the attention of the German, who as to be sold among the ancients to the weight fell fast asleep upon his couch, and snored of a silver penny. The gentlemen took his so loud as to interrupt, and totally annul, word for the excellency of this gum, but con- this ravishing entertainment; so that they tented themselves with the olives, which were fain to have recourse again to the gave such an agreeable relish to the wine, glass, which made such innovations upon that they seemed very well disposed to con- the brain of the physician, that he sung sole themselves for the disgraces they had divers odes of Anacreon, to a tune of his endured; and Pickle, unwilling to lose the own composing, and held forth upon the least circumstance of entertainment that music and recitative of the ancients with could be enjoyed in their company, went in great erudition; while Pallet, having found quest of the painter, who remained in his means to make the Italian acquainted with penitentials in another apartment, and could the nature of his profession, harangued upnot be persuaded to re-enter the banqueting on painting with wonderful volubility, in a ADVENTURES OF PEREGRINE PICKLE. 1:33 language which (it was well for his own him in their turns, in order to display their credit) the stranger did not understand. wit and address, and teased him with seveAt length the doctor was seized with such ral arch questions, to which he made no a qualm, that he begged Peregrine to lead other answer than, " No parly Francy. him to his chamber; and the baron being Damn your chattering!-go about your waked, retired with the count. business, can't ye!" Among the masks was Peregrine, being rendered frolicsome with a nobleman, who began to be very free with the wine he had drank, proposed that he the supposed lady, and attempted to plunge and Pallet should go to a masquerade, which his hand into her bosom; but the painter he recollected was to be given that night. was too modest to suffer such indecent treatThe painter did not want curiosity and incli- ment; and, when the gallant repeated his nation to accompany him, but expressed his efforts in a manner still moreindelicate, lent apprehension of losing him in the ball, an him such a box on the ear, as made the lights'ccident which could not fail to be very disa- dance before him, and created such a suspigreeable, as he was an utter stranger to the cion of Pallet's sex, that the Frenchman swore language and the town. To obviate this he was either a male or hermaphrodite, and inobjection, the landlady, who was of their sisted upona scrutiny, for the sake of his own council, advised him to appear in a woman's honour, with such obstinacy of resentment, dress, which would lay his companion under that the fictitious nymph was in imminent the necessity of attending him with more danger, not only of being exposed, but also care, as he could not, with decency, detach of undergoing severe chastisement, forhaving himself from the lady whom he should intro- made so free with the prince's ear; when Pereduce; besides, such a supposed connexion grine, who saw and overheard every thing would hinder the ladies of pleasure from ac- that passed, thought it was high time to incosting and employing their seducing'arts terpose; and accordingly asserted his preupon a person already engaged. tensions to the insulted lady, who was overOur young gentleman, foreseeing the joyed at this proof of his protection. abundance of diversion in the execution of The affronted gallant persevered in dethis project, seconded the proposal with manding to know who she was, and our hero such importunity and address, that the pain- as strenuously refused to give him that satister allowed himself to be habited in a suit faction: so that high words ensued; and the belonging to the landlady, who also procured prince threatening to punish his insolence, for him a mask and domino, while Pickle the young gentleman, who was not supposed provided himself with a Spanish dress. In to know his quality, pointed to the place this disguise, which they put on about eleven where his own sword used to hang; and, o'clock, did they, attended by Pipes, set out snapping his fingers in his face, laid hold on in a fiacre for the ball room, into which the painter's arm, and led him to another part Pickle led this suppositious female, to the as- of the room, leaving his antagonist to the tonishment of the whole company, who had meditation of his own revenge. never seen such an uncouth figure in the Pallet, having chid his conductor for his appearance of a woman. barbarous desertion, made him acquainted After they had taken a view of all the with the difficulty in which he had been inremarkable masks, and the painter had been volved, and, flatly telling him he would not treated with a glass of liquor, his mischievous put it in his power to give him the slip again, companion gave him the slip, and vanishing held fast by his arm during the remaining in an instant, returned with another mask part of the entertainment, to the no small and a domino over his habit, that he might diversion of the company, whose attention enjoy Pallet's perplexity, and be at hand to was altogether engrossed in the contemplaprotect him from insult. tion of such an awkward, ungainly, stalking The poor painter, having lost his guide, apparition. At last, Pickle being tired of was almost distracted with anxiety, and exhibiting this rare-show, complied with the stalked about the room in quest of him, with repeated desires of his companion, and handed such huge strides and oddity of gesture, her into the coach; which he himself had no that he was followed by a whole multitude, sooner entered, than they were surrounded who gazed at him as a preternatural pheno- by a file of musketeers, commanded by an menon. This attendance increased his un- exempt, who, ordering the coach-door to be easiness to such a degree, that he could not opened, took his place with great deliberation, help uttering a soliloquy aloud, in which he while one of his detachment mounted the box, cursed his fate for having depended upon the in order to direct the driver. promise of such a wag; and swore, that, if Peregrine at once conceived the meaning once he was clear of this scrape, he would of this arrest, and it was well for him he had not bring himself into such a premunire no weapon wherewith to stand upon his deagain for the whole kingdom of France. fence; for such was the impetuosity and rashDivers petit-maitres, understanding the ness of his temper, that, had he been armed, masque was a foreigner, who, in all proba- he would have run all risks rather than surbility, could not speak French, made up to render himself to any odds whatever; but 134 SMOLLETT'S SELECT WORKS. Pallet, imagining that the officer was some the approach of the carriage, the prisoners gentleman who had mistaken their car- were admitted; and the guard returned with riage for his own, desired his friend to unde- the fiacre. Tomni determined to watch il. ceive the stranger; and when he was in- that place all night, that in the morning he formed of the real state of their condition, might make such observations as might be his knees began to shake, his teeth to chatter, conducive to the enlargement of his master. and he uttered a most doleful lamentation, importing his fear of being carried to some hideous dungeon of the bastile, where he CHAPTER XLVI. should spend the rest of his days in misery and horror, and never see the light of God's By the fidelity of Pipes, -Jolter is informed sun, nor the face of a friend, but perish in a of his pupil's fate —confers with the phyforeign land, far removed from his family and sician-applies to the ambassador, who, connexions. Pickle damned him for his with great difficulty, obtains the dispusillanimity; and the exempt hearing a lady charge of the prisoners, on certain conbemoan herself so piteously, expressed his ditions. mortification at being the instrument of giving her such pain, and endeavoured to console THIS plan he executed, notwithstanding the them, by representing the lenity of the French pain of his wound, and the questions of the government, and the singular generosity of city guard, both horse and foot, to which he the prince by whose order they were appre- could make no other answer than " Anglois, hended. Anglois;" and as soon as it was light, takPeregrine, whose discretion seemed to ing an accurate survey of the castle (for such forsake him on all such occasions, exclaimed it seemed to be) into which Peregrine and with great bitterness against the arbitrary Pallet had been conveyed, together with its administration of France, and inveighed, situation in respect to the river, he went with many expressions of contempt, against home to their lodgings, and waking Mr Jolthe character of the offended prince, whose ter, gave him an account of the adventure. resentment, far from being noble, he said, The governor wrung his hands in the utmost was pitiful, ungenerous, and unjust. To this grief and consternation, when he heard this remonstrance the officer made no reply, but unfortunate piece of news; he did not doubt shrugged up his shoulders in silent astonish- that his pupil was imprisoned in the bastile ment at the hardiesse of the prisoner; and for life; and, in the anguish of his apprehenthe fiacre was just on the point of setting sion, cursed the day on which he had underout, when they heard the noise of a scuffle taken to superintend the conduct of such an at the back of the coach, and the voice of imprudent young man, who had, by reiteratTom Pipes, pronouncing, " I'll be damn'd ed insults, provoked the vengeance of such a if I do." This trusty attendant had been mild, forbearing administration. That he desired by one of the guard to descend from might not, however, neglect any means in his station in the rear, but, as he resolved his power to extricate him from his present to share his master's fate, he took no notice misfortune, he despatched Thomas to the of their entreaties, until they were seconded doctor, with an account of his companion's by force; and that he endeavoured to repel fate, that they might join their interest in with his heel, which he applied with such behalf of the captives; and the physician beenergy to the jaws of the soldier who first ing informed of what had happened, immedicame in contact with him, that they emitted ately dressed himself, and repaired to Jolter, a crashing sound like a dried walnut between whom he accosted in these words: " Now, the grinders of a templar in the pit. Exas- Sir, I hope you are convinced of your error, perated at this outrage, the other saluted in asserting, that oppression can never be Torn's posteriors with his bayonet, which the effect of arbitrary power. Such a caincommoded him so much, that he could no lamity as this could never have happened unlonger keep his post, but leaping upon the der the Athenian democracy; nay, even when ground, gave his antagonist a chuck under the tyrant Pisistratus got possession of that the chin, which laid him upon his back, and commonwealth, he durst not venture to rule then skipping over him with infinite agility,, with such absolute and unjust dominion. absconded among the crowd of coaches, till You shall see now that Mr Pickle and my he saw the guard mount before and behind friend Pallet will fall a sacrifice to the tyranopon his master's fiacre, which no sooner ny of lawless power; and, in my opinion, we set forward than he followed at a small dis- shall be accessory to the ruin of this poor tance, to reconnoitre the place -where Pere- enslaved people, if we bestir ourselves in degrine should be confined. manding or imploring the release of our unAfter having proceeded slowly through happy countrymen; as we may thereby premany windings and turnings, to a part of vent the commission of a flagrant crime, Paris in which Pipes was an utter stranger, which would fill up the vengeance of Hev. Jle coach stopped at a great gate, with a yven against the perpetrators, and perhaps Nicket in the middle, which being opened at be the means of restoring a whole nation it, ADVENTURES OF PEREGRINE PICKLE. 135.}le unspeakable fruition of freedom. For fear and trembling, found his pupil in a dismy own part, I should rejoice to see the r nal apartment, void of all furniture but a blood of my father spilt in such a glorious stool and truckle-bed: the moment he was cause, provided such a victim would furnish admitted, he perceived the youth whistling me with the opportunity of dissolving the with great unconcern, and working with his chains of slavery, and vindicating that liber- pencil at the bare wall, on which he had dety which is the birthright of man. Then lineated a ludicrous figure, labelled with the would my name be immortalized among the name of the nobleman whom he had affrontpatriot heroes of antiquity, and my memory, ed, and an English mastiff, with his leg lifted like that of Harmodius and Aristogiton, be up, in the attitude of making water in his honoured by statues erected at the public shoe. He had been even so presumptuous as expense." This rhapsody, which was de- to explain the device with satirical inscriplivered with great emphasis and agitation, tions in the French language, which, when gave so much offence to Jolter, that, without Jolter perused, his hair stood on end with speaking one word, he retired in great wrath affright. The very turnkey was confounded to his own chamber, and the republican re- and overawed by the boldness of his behaturned to his lodging, in full hope of his prog- viour, which he had never seen matched by nostic being verified in the death and des- any inhabitant of that place; and actually truction of Peregrine and the painter, which joined his friend in persuading him to submit must give rise to some renowned revolution, to the easy demand of the minister. But wherein he himself would act a principal our hero, far from embracing the counsel of part. But the governor, whose imagination this advocate, handed him to the door with was not quite so warm and prolific, went di- great ceremony, and dismissed him with a rectly to the ambassador, whom he informed kick on the breech; and to all the supplicaof his pupil's situation, and besought to in- tions, and even tears of Jolterj made no other terpose with the French ministry, that he reply, than that he would stoop to no conand the other British subject might obtain descension, because he had committed no their liberty. His excellency asked if Jolter crime; but would leave his case to the cogcould guess at the cause of his imprisonment, nizance and exertion of the British court, that he might be the better prepared to vin- whose duty it was to see justice done to its dicate or excuse his conduct; but neither he own subjects: he desired, however, that Palnor Pipes could give the smallest hint of in- let, who was confined in another place, might telligence on that subject; though he furnish- avail himself of his own disposition, which ed himself, from Tom's own mouth, with a was sufficiently pliable. But when the govcircumstantial account of the manner in ernor desired to see his fellow-prisoner, the which his master had been arrested, as well turnkey gave him to understand that he had as of his own behaviour, and the disaster he received no orders relating to the lady, and hadreceived on that occasion. His lordship therefore could not admit him into her apartnever doubted that Pickle had brought this ca- ment; though he was complaisant enough to lalnity upon himself by some unlucky prank he tell him, that she seemed very much mortihad played at the masquerade; especially fled at her confinement, and at certain times when he understood that the young gentle- behaved as if her brain was not a little disman had drank freely in the afternoon, and ordered. Jolter, thus baffled in all his endeabeen so whimsical as to go thither with a vours, quitted the bastile with a heavy heart, man in woman's apparel: and he, that same and reported his fruitless negotiation to the day, waited on the French minister, in full ambassador, who could not help breaking confidence of obtaining his discharge; but forth into some acrimonious: expressions met with more difficulty than he expected, against the obstinacy and insolence of the the court of France being extremely punctil- young man, who, he said, deserved to suffer ious in every thing that concerns a prince of for his folly. Nevertheless, he did not dethe blood.: the ambassador was therefore sist from his representations to the French obliged to talk in very high terms; and though ministry, which he found so unyielding, that the present circumstances of the French po- he was obliged to threaten, in plain terms, htics would not allow them to fall out with to make it a national concern; and not only the British administration for trifles, all the write to his court for instructions, but even favour he could procure was a promise that advise the council to make reprisals, and send Pickle should be set at liberty, provided he some French gentleman in London to the would ask pardon of the prince to whom he Tower. had given offence. His excellency thought This intimation had an effect upon the mi. this was but a reasonable condescension, sup- nistry at Versailles, who, rather than run the posing Peregrine to have been in the wrong; risk of incensing a people, whom it was and Jolter was admitted to him, in order to neither their interest nor inclination to discommunicate and reinforce his lordship's ad- oblige, consented to discharge the offenders, vice, which was, that he should comply with on condition that thev should leave Paris iw, the terms proposed. The governor, who three days after their enlargemerit. This" did not enter this gloomy fortress without proposal was readily agreed to [.y Peregr ne, 12 136 SMOLLETT'S SELECT WORKS. who was now a little more twractable, and painter to such a degree, that he roared heartily tired of being cooped up in such an aloud, and skipped about the room in all the uncomfortable abode, for the space of three extravagance of distraction; taking God and long days, without any sort of communica- man to witness, that he would rather suffer tion or entertainment but that which his own immediate death than endure one year's irmImagination suggested. prisonment in such a hideous place; and cursing the hour of his birth, and the moment in which he departed from his own country. CHAPTER XLVII. For my own part (said his tormentor, in a hypocritical tone), I was obliged to swallow Peregrine makes himself merry at the ex- the bitter pill of making submissions to the pense of the painter, who curses his land- prince, who, as I had not presumed to strike lady, and breaks with the doctor. him, received acknowledgments, in consequence of which I will be this day set at A.s he could easily conceive the situation of liberty; and there is even one expedient left his companion in adversity, he was unwilling for the recovery of your freedom. It is, I to leave the place until he had reaped some own, a disagreeable remedy; but one had diversion from his distress, and with that better undergo a little mortification than be view repaired to the dungeon of the afflicted for ever wretched. Besides, upon second painter, to which he had by this time free thoughts, I begin to imagine that you will access. When he entered, the first object not, for such a trifle, sacrifice yourself to the that presented itself to his eye was so un- unceasing horrors of a solitary dungeon, commonly ridiculous, that he could scarce especially as your condescension will, in all preserve that gravity of countenance which probability, be attended with advantages he had affected in order to execute the joke which you could not otherwise enjoy. Pal. he had planned. The forlorn Pallet sat let, interrupting him with great eagerness, upright in his bed, in a dishabille that was begged for the love of God that he would no altogether extraordinary. He had laid aside longer keep him in the torture of suspense, his monstrous hoop, together with his stays, but mention that same remedy, which he gown, and petticoat, wrapped his lappets was resolved to swallow, let it be never so about his head by way of night-cap, and wore unpalatable. his domino as a loose morning dress; his Peregrine, having thus played upon his grizzled locks hung down about his lack- passions of fear and hope, answered, that as lustre eyes and tawny neck, in all the dis- the offence was committed in the habit of a order of negligence; his grey beard bristled woman, which was a disguise unworthy of about half an inch through the remains of the other sex, the French court was of opinthe paint with which his visage had been be- ion that the delinquent should be reduced to daubed, and every feature of his face was the neuter gender; so that there was an allengthened to the most ridiculous expression ternative in his own option, by which he had of grief and dismay. Seeing Peregrine come it in his power to regain immediate freedom. in, he started up in a sort of frantic ecstasy, "What!" cried the painter, in despair, " beand, running towards him with open arms, come a singer? gadzooks! and the devil and no sooner perceived the woful appearance all that; I'll rather lie still where I am, and into which our hero had modelled his phy- let myself be devoured by vermin." Then, siognomy, than he stopped short all of a thrusting out his throat, "here is my windsudden, and the joy which had begun to take pipe," said he " be so good, my dear friend, possession of his heart was in a moment as to give it a slice or two; if you don't, I dispelled by the most rueful presages; so shall one of these days be found dangling in that he stood in a most ludicrous posture of my garters. What an unfortunate rascal I dejection, like a malefactor at the Old Bailey, am! what a blockhead, and a beast, and a when sentence is about to be pronounced. fool, was I, to trust myself among such Pickle, taking him by the hand, heaved a pro- a barbarous ruffian race! Lord!forgive you, found sigh, and, after having protested that Mr Pickle, for having been the immediate he was extremely mortified at being pitched cause of my disaster; if you had stood by upon as the messenger of bad news, told me from the beginning, according to your hlim, with an air of sympathy and infinite promise, I should not have been teased by concern, that the French court, having dis- that coxcomb who has brought me to this covered his sex, had resolved, in considera- pass. And why did I put on this damn'd t;on of the outrageous indignity he offered unlucky dress l Lard curse that chattering in public to a prince of the blood, to detain Jezebel of a landlady, who advised such a him in the bastile a prisoner for life; and preposterous disguise! a disguise which hath that this sentence was a mitigation obtained not only brought me to this pass, but also renby the importunities of the British ambassa- dered me abominable to myself, and frightfll dor, the punishment ordained by law being to others; for when I this morning signified no other than breaking alive upon the wheel. to the turnkey that I wanted to be shaved These tidings aggravated the horrors of the he looked at my beard with astonishment ADVENTURES OF PEREGRINE PICKLE. -137 and, ci ssing himself, muttered his pater- oaths, threatened to try the temper of the noster, believing me (1 suppose) to be a barber's skull, if he should presume to sethis witch, or something worse. And Heaven nose within the apartment. confound that loathsome banquet of the an- The jailor, who little expected such a recients, which provoked me to drink too free- ception, concluded that the poor gentlewoly, that I might wash away the taste of that man had actually lost her wits, and retreated accursed sillykickaby." with precipitation, leaving the door open as Our young gentleman, having heard his he went out. Upon which Pickle, gathering lamentation to an end, excused himself for up the particulars of his dress with great dishis conduct by representing, that he could patch, crammed them into Pallet's arms, and, not possibly foresee the disagreeable conse- taking notice that now the coast was clear, quences that attended it; and, in the mean exhorted him to follow his footsteps to the time, strenuously counselled him to submit gate, where a hackney coach stood for his to the terms of his enlargement. He observ- reception. There being no time for hesitaed, that he was now arrived at that time of tion, the painter took his advice, and, withlife, when the lusts of the flesh should be en- out quitting the utensil, which, in his hurry, tirely mortified within him, and his greatest he forgot to lay down, sallied out in the rear concern ought to be the health of his soul, of our hero, with all that wildness of terror to which nothing could more effectually con- and impatience which may be reasonably suptribute than the amputation which was pro- posed to take possession of a man who flies posed; that his body, as well as his mind, from perpetual imprisonment. Such was the would profit by the change, because he would tumult of his agitation, that his faculty of have no dangerous appetite to gratify, and no thinking was for the present utterly overcarnal thoughts to divert him from the duties whelmed, and he saw no object but his conof his profession; and his voice, which was ductor, whom he followed by a sort of innaturally sweet, would improve to such a de- stinctive impulse, without regarding the keepgree, that he would captivate the ears of all ers and sentinels, who, as he passed, with his the people of fashion and taste, and in a lit- clothes under one arm, and his chamber-pot tle time be celebrated under the appellation brandished above his head, were confounded, of the English Senesino. and even dismayed, at the strange apparition. These arguments did not fail to make an During the whole course of this irruption, impression upon the painter, who neverthe- he ceased not to cry, with great vociferation, less started two objections to his compliance; "Drive, coachman, drive in the name of namely, the disgrace of the punishment, and God!" And the carriage had proceeded the,ne dread of his wife. Pickle undertook to length of a whole street, before he manifestobviate these difficulties, by assuring him ed the least sign of reflection, but stared like that'the sentence would be executed so pri- the gorgon's head, with his mouth wide open, vately as never to transpire; and that his and each particular hair crawling and twinwife could not be so unconscionable, after so ing like an animated serpent. At length, many years of cohabitation, as to take ex- however, he began to recover the use of his ceptions to an expedient, by which she would senses, and asked if Peregrine thought him not only enjoy the conversation of her hus- out of all dancer of being retaken. This unband, but even the fruits of those talents, relenting wag, not yet satisfied with the afwhich the knife would so remarkably refine. fliction he had imposed upon the sufferer, anPallet shook his head at this last remon- swered, with an air of doubt and gncern, strance, as if he thought it would not be al- that he hoped they would not be ovT'taken, together convincing to his spouse; but yield- and prayed to God they might not be retarded to the proposal, provided her consent ed by a stop of carriages. Pallet fervently could be obtained. Just as he signified this joined in this supplication, and they advanccondescension, the jailor entered, and ad- ed a few yards further, when the noise of a dressing himself to the supposed lady, ex- coach at full speed behind them invaded their pressed his satisfaction in having the honour ears; and Pickle, having looked out of the to tell her, that she was no longer a prisoner. window, withdrew his head in seeming conAs the painter did not understand one word fusion, and exclaimed, " Lord have mercy of what he said, Peregrine undertook the upon us! I wish that may not be a guard sent office of interpreter, and made his friend be- after us. Methinks I saw the muzzle of a lieve the jailor's speech was no other than fusil sticking out of the coach." The painter, an intimation, that the ministry had sent a hearing these tidings, that instant thrust himsurgeon to execute what was proposed, and self out at the window with his helmet still that the instruments and dressings were pre- in his hand, bellowing to the coachman, as pared in the next room. Alarmed and ter- loud as he could roar, " Drive! damn ye! rifled at this sudden appointment, he flew to drive to the gates of Jericho, and ends ofthe the other end of the room, and, snatching up earth! Drive you raggamuffin, you rascalan earthen chamber-pot, which was the only lion, you hell-hound! drive us to the pit of offensive weapon in the place, put himself hell, rather than we should be taken!" in a posture of defence, and, with many Such a phantom could not pass without S 138 SMOLLETT'S SELECT WORKS. attracting the curiosity of the people, who in the Rehearsal, who values himself upon ran to the doors and windows, in order to the same figure, conveyed in these words, behold this object of admiration. With the But all these clouds, when by the eye of same view, that coach, which was supposed reason grasp'd, 4c. Upon any other octo be in pursuit of him, stopped just as the casion, the painter would have triumphed windows of each happened to be opposite; greatly in this detection; but such was the and Pallet, looking behind, and seeing three flutter and confusion of his spirits, under the men standing upon the foot-board, armed apprehension of being retaken, that, without with canes, which his fear converted into fir- further communication, he retreated to his sils, never doubted that his friend's suspicion own room, in order to resume his own dress, was just; but, shaking his jordan at the im- which he hoped would alter his appearance aginary guard, swore he would sooner die in such a manner as to baffle all search and than part with his precious ware. The owner examination: while the physician remained of the coach, who was a nobleman of the first ashamed and abashed, to find himself convictquality, mistook him for some unhappy wo- ed of bombast by a person of such conternptiman deprived of her senses; and, ordering ble talents. He was offended at this proof his coachman to proceed, convinced the fu- of his memory, and so much enraged at his gitive, to his infinite joy, that this was no presumption in exhibiting it, that he could more than a false alarm. He was not, for never forgive his want of reverence, and took all that, freed from anxiety and trepidation; every opportunity of exposing his ignorance but our young gentleman, fearing his brain and folly in the sequel. Indeed the ties of would not bear a repetition of the same joke, private affection were too weak to engage permitted him to gain his own lodgings, with- the heart of this republican, whose zeal for out further molestation. the community had entirely swallowed up His landlady, meeting him on the stair, his concern for individuals. I-e looked upon was so affected at his appearance, that she particular friendship as a passion unworthy screamed aloud, and betook herself to flight; of his ample soul, and was a professed adwhile he, cursing her with great bitterness, mirer of L. Mlanlius, Junius Brutus,. and rushed into the apartment of the doctor, who, those later patriots of the same name, who instead of receiving him with cordial em- shut their ears against the cries of nature, braces, and congratulating him upon his de- and resisted all the dictates of gratitude and liverance, gave evident tokens of umbrage humanity. and discontent; and even plainly told him, he hoped to have heard that he and Mr Pickle had acted the glorious part of' Cato-an CHAPTER XLVIII. event which would have laid the foundation of such noble struggles, as could not fail to Pallet conceives a hearty contempt of his end in happiness and freedom; and that he fellow-traveller, and attaches himself to had already made some progress in an ode Pickle, who, nevertheless, persecutes him that would have immortalized their names, with his mischievous talents upon the and inspired the flame of liberty in every road to Flanders. honest brcast.-" There," said he, " T would have proved, that great talents, and high IN the mean time his companion having emsentiments of liberty; do reciprocally pro- ployed divers pails full of water, in cleansing duce ad assist each other; and illustrated himself from the squalor of a jail, submitted my assertions with such notes and quotations his face to the barber, tinged his eye-brows from the Greek writers, as would have open- with a sable hue, and, beingY dressed in his ed the eyes of the most blind and unthinking, own clothes, ventured to visit Pereorine, and touched the most callous and obdurate who was still under the hands of his valet de heart. O fool i to think the man, whose am- chambre, and who gave him to understand, ple mind must grasp whatever yonder stars that his escape had been connived at, and survey.-Pray, Mr Pallet, what is your opin- that the condition of their deliverance was ion of that image of the mind's grasping the their departure from Paris in three days. whole universe l For my own part I can't The painter was transported with joy, help thinking it the most happy conception when he learnt that he ran no risk of being that ever entered my imagination." retaken; and, far from repining at the terms The painter, who was not such a flaming of his enlargement, would have willingly set enthusiast in the cause of liberty, could not out on his return to England that same afDrook the doctor's reflections, which he ternoon; for the bastile had made such an thought savoured a little too much of indif- impression upon him, that he started at the ference and deficiency in point of private sound of every coach, and turned pale at the friendship; and therefore seized the present sight of a French soldier. In the fulness of opportunity of mortifying his pride,; by ob- his heart, he complained of the doctor's inserving, that the image was, without all difference, and related what had passed at doubt, very grand and magnificent; but that their meeting, with evident marks of resenthe had been obliged for the idea to Mr Bayes, ment and disrespect; which were not at all ADVENTURES OF PEREGRINE PICKLE. 139 diminished, when Jolter informed him of the himself whole for the expense of the enterphysician's behaviour, when he sent for him tainment. to confer about the means of abridging their The physician, nettled at these sarcasms, confinement. Pickle himself was incensed eyed him with a look of indignation and disat his want of bowels; and, perceiving how dain; and, being unwilling to express himself much he had sunk in the opinion of his fel- in English, lest, in the course of the alterlow-traveller, resolved to encourage these cation, Pallet should be so much irritated as sentiments of disgust, and occasionally fo- to depart without him, he vented his -anger ment the division to a downright quarrel, in Greek. The painter, though,bythe sound, which he foresaw would produce some diver- he supposed this quotation to be Greek, comsion, and perhaps expose the poet's charac- plimented his friend upon his knowledge in ter in such a light as would effectually pun- the Welch language, and found means to ish him for his arrogance and barbarity. rally him quite out of temper; so that he With this view, he levelled several satirical retired to his own chamber in ithe utmost jokes at the doctor's pedantry and taste, wrath and mortification, and left his antagowhich had appeared so conspicuous in the nist exulting over the victory he had won. quotations he had got by heart from ancient While those things passed between these authors; in his affected disdain of the best oxiginals, Peregrine waited upon the ambaspictures in the world, which, had he been sador, whom he thanked for his kind interendowed with the least share of discern- position, acknowledging the indiscretion of ment, he could not have beheld with such his own conduct, with such appearance of insensibility; and, lastly, in his ridiculous conviction and promises of reformation, that banquet, which none but an egregious cox- his excellency freely forgave him for all the comb, devoid of all elegance and sense, would trouble he had been put to on his account, have prepared, or presented to rational be- fortified him with sensible advices, and, asings. In a word, our young gentleman played suring him of his continual favour and friendthe artillery of his wit against him with such ship, gave him, at parting, letters of introsuccess, that the painter seemed to wake duction to several persons of quality belongfiom a dream, and went home with a hearty ing to the British court. contempt for the person he had formerly Thus distinguished, our young gentleman adored. took leave of all his French acquaintance, Instead of using the privilege of a friend, and spent the evening with some of those to enter his apartment without ceremony, he who had enjoyed the greatest share of his sent in his servant with a message, importing, intimacy and confidence; while Jolter superthat he intended to set out from Paris next intended his domestic concerns, and, with day, in company with Mr Pickle, and desiring infinite joy, bespoke a post-chaise and horses, to know whether or not he was or would be in order to convey him from a place where prepared for the journey. The doctor, struck lihe lived in continual apprehension of sufferwith the manner, as well as the matter, of ing by the dangerous disposition of his pupil. this intimation, went immediately to Pallet's Every thing being adjusted according to their room, and demanded to know the cause of plan, they and their fellow-travellers next such a sudden determination, without his day dined together, and, about four in the privity or concurrence; and when he under- afternoon, took their departure in two chaisstood the necessity of their affairs, rather es, escorted by the valet de chambre, Pipes, than travel by himself, he ordered his baggage and the doctor's lacquey, on horseback, well to be packed up, and signified his readiness furnished with arms and ammunition, in case to conform to the emergency of the case; of being attacked by robbers on the road. though he was not at all pleased with the It was about eleven o'clock at night when cavalier behaviour of Pallet, to whom he they arrived at Senlis, which was the place threw out some hints of his own importance, at which they proposed to lodge, and where and the immensity of his condescension, in they were obliged to knock up the people of favouring him with such marks of regard. the inn, before they could have their supper But by this time these insinuations had lost prepared. All the provision in the house their effect upon the painter, who told him, was but barely sufficient to furnish one inwith an arch sneer, that he did not at all different meal: however, the painter consolquestion his learning and abilities, and parti- ed himself for the quantity with the quality cularly his skill in cookery, which he should of the dishes, one of which was a fricassee never forget while his palate retained its of rabbit, a preparation which he valued function; but nevertheless advised him, for above all the dainties that ever smoked upon the sake of the degenerate eaters of these the table of the sumptuous Heliogabaius. days, to spare a little of his sal armoniac in He had no sooner expressed himself to this the next sillykickaby he should prepare, and effect, than our hero, who was almost incesbate somewhat of the devil's dung, which he santly laying traps for diversion at his neighhad so plentifilly crammed into the roasted bour's expense, laid hold on the declaration; fowls, unless he had a mind to convert his and, recollecting the story of( Scipio and the guests into patients, with a view of licking muleteer in Gil Blas, resolved to perpetrate a 12* 140 SMOLLETT'S,SELECT WORKS. joke upon the stomach of "Pallet, which belly seemed to move in contact with his seemed particularly well disposed to an back-bone, his colour. changed, no part but hearty supper. He accordingly digested his the white of his eyes were to be seen, he plan; and, the company being seated at dropped his lower jaw, and fixing his hands table, affectedto gaze with peculiar eagerness in his sides, retched with such convulsive at the painter, who had helped himself to a agonies, as amazed and disconcerted the large portion of the fricassee, and began to whole company; and what augmented his swallow it with, infinite relish. Pallet, not- disorder, was the tenacious retention of his withstanding the keenness of his appetite, stomach, which absolutely refused to part could not help taking notice of Pickle's de- with its contents, notwithstanding all the enmeanour; and, making a short pause in the ergy of his abhorrence, which threw him exercise of his grinders, "You are sur- into a cold sweat, and almost into a swoon. prised," said he, "tosee me make somuch Pickle, alarmed at his condition, assured dispatch: but I was extremely hungry, and him it was a genuine rabbit, and-that he had this is one of the best fricassees I ever tasted: tutored Pipes to say otherwise, for the joke's the French are very expert in these dishes, sake. But this confession he considered as that I.must allow; and, upon my conscience, a friendly artifice of Pickle's compassion, I would never desire to eat a more delicate and therefore it had: little effect upon his rabbit than this that lies upon my plate." constitution. By the assistance, however, Peregrine made no other reply to this en- of a large bumper of brandy, his spirits were comiurn. than the repetition of the word recruited, and his recollection so far recover"rabbit!" with a note of admiration, and ed, that he was able to declare, with divers such a significant shake of the head, as ef- contortions of face, that the dish had a parfectually alarmed the other, who instantly ticular rankness of taste which he had imsuspended the action of his jaws, and, with puted partly to the nature of the French the morsel half chewed in his mouth, stared coney, and partly to the composition of their round him with a ~certain stolidity of appre- sauces: then he inveighed against -the inhension, which is easier conceived than de- famous practices of - French publicans, atscribed, until his eyes encountered the coun- tributing such imposition to their oppressive tenance of Thomas Pipes,l who being in- government, which kept them sonecessitous, structed, and posted opposite to him for the that they were tempted to exercise all manoccasion, exhibited an arch grin, that com- ner of knavery upon their unwary guests. pleted the painter's disorder. Afraid of Jolter, who could not find in his heart to let swallowing his mouthful, and ashamed to slip auly opportunity of speaking in favour of dispose of it any other way, he sat some the I'rench, told him, "that he was a very time in a most distressed state of suspense; great stranger to their police, else he would and, being questioned by Mr Jolter touching know, that, if upon information to the magishis calamity, made a violent effort of the trate, it should appear that any traveller, namuscles of his gullet, which with difficulty tive or foreigner, had been imposed upon or performed their office, and then, with great ill-treated by a publican, the offender would confusion and concern, asked if Mr Pickle be immediately obliged to shut up his house; suspected the rabbit's identity. The young and, if his behaviour had been notorious, he gentleman, assuming a mysterious air, pre- himself would be sent to the galleys, without tended ignorance of the matter; observing, the least hesitation; and, as for the dish that he was apt to suspect all dishes of that which has been made the occasion of your kind, since he had been informed of the present disorder," said he, "I will take upon tricks which were commonly played at inns me to affirmn it was prepared of a genuine in France, Italy, and Spain, and recounted rabbit, which was skinned in my presence; that passage in Gil Bias, which we- have and, in confirmation of what I assert, though hinted at above, saying, he did not pretend such fricassees are not the favourite of my to be a connoisseur in animals, but the legs taste, I will eat a part ofthis without scruple." of the creature which composed that fric- So saying, he swallowed several mouthfuls assee, did not, in his opinion, resemble those of the questioned coney, and Pallet seemed of the rabbits he had usually seen. This to eye it again with inclination; nay he even observation had an evident effect upon the resumed his knife and fork, and being just on features of the painter, who, with certain the point of applying them, was seized with signs of loathing and astonishment, exclaim- another qualm of apprehension, that broke ed, "LordJesus!" and appealed to Pipes for out in an exclamation of, "After all, Mr Jola discovery of the truth, by asking if he knew ter, if it should be a real ram-cat —Lord have any thing of the affair. Tom very gravely mercy upon me! here is one of the claws." replied, that he did suppose the food was With these words he presented the tip of a wholesome enough, for he had seen the skin toe, of which Pipes had slipped off five or and feet of a special ram-cat, new flea'd, six from a duck that was roasted, and purhanging upon the door of a small pantry ad- posely scattered them in the fricassee; and:oining to the kitchen. the governor could not behold this testimoBefore this sentence was uttered, Pallet's nial without symptoms of uneasiness and re ADVENTURES. OF PEREGRINE PICKLE. 141 morse; so that he and the painter sat silenced venting various sarcasms upon his self-conand abashed, and made faces at each other; ceit and affectation of learning, and even while the physician, who hated them both. uttering puns and conundrums upon the reexulted over their affliction, bidding them be marks which the republican retailed. When of good cheer, and proceed with their meal; he talked of the Flaminian way, the painter for he was ready to demonstrate, that the questioned if it was a better pavement than flesh of a cat was as nourishing and delicious the Fleminian way on which they travelled: as veal or mutton, provided they could prove and the doctor having observed that this that the said cat was not of the boar kind, road was made for the convenience of drawand had fed chiefly on vegetable diet, or even ing the French artillery into Flanders, which confined its carnivorous appetite to rats and was often the seat of war, his competitor in mice, which he affirmed to be dainties of ex- wit replied, with infinite vivacity, " There quisite taste and flavour. He said, it was a are more great guns than the French king vulgar mistake to think that all flesh-devour- knows ofdrawn along this causeway, doctor!" ing creatures were unfit to be eaten; witness Encouraged by the success of these efforts, the consumption of swine and ducks, animals which tickled the imagination of Jolter, and that ddlight in carnage, as well as fish, which drew smiles (as he imagined) of approbation prey upon each other, and feed on bait and from our hero, he sported in many other carrion; together with the demand for bear, equivoques of the same nature; and at dinof which the best hams in the world are ner told the physician, that he was like the made. He then observed, that the negroes root of the tongue, as being cursedly down on the coast of Guinea, who are healthy and in the mouth. vigorous people, prefer cats and dogs to all By this time, such was the animosity subother fare; and mentioned from history sev- sisting between these quondam friends, that eral sieges, during which the inhabitants, they never conversed together, except witha who were blocked up, lived upon these ani- view of exposing each other to the ridicule mals, and had recourse even to human flesh, or contempt of their fellow-travellers. The which, to his certain knowledge, was in all doctor was at great pains to point out the respects preferable to pork; for, in the course folly and ignorance of Pallet in private to of his studies, he had, for the experiment's Peregrine, who was often conjured in the sake, eaten a steak cut from the buttock of same manner by the painter to take notice a person who had been hanged. of the physician's want of manners and taste. This dissertation, far from composing, in- Pickle pretended to acquiesce in the truth of creased the disquiet in the stomachs of the their mutual severity, which indeed was exgovernor and painter, who, hearing the last tremely just; and, by malicious insinuation, illustration, turned their eyes upon the orator, blew up their contention, with a view of at the same instant, with looks of horror and bringing it to open hostility. But both seemdisgust; and the one muttering the term can- ed so averse to deeds of mortal purpose, that nibal, and the other pronouncing the word for a long time his arts were baffled, and he abomination, they rose from table in a great could not spirit them up to any pitch of rehurry, and, running towards another apart- sentment higher than scurrilous repartee. ment, jostled with such violence in the pas- Before they reached Arras, the city gates sage, that both were overturned by the shock, were shut, so that they were obliged to take which also contributed to the effect of their up their lodging at an indifferent house in the nausea, that mutually defiled them as they lay. suburbs, where they found a couple of French officers, who had also rode post from Paris so far on their way to Lisle. These gentleCHAPTER XLIX. men were about the age of thirty, and their deportment distinguished by such an air of Nor is the physician sacred from his ridi- insolence, as disgusted our hero, who nevercule-they reach Arras, where our adven- theless accosted them politely in the yard, and turer engages in play with two French proposed that they should sup together. officers, who next morning give the land- They thanked him for the honour of his inlord an interesting proof of their im- vitation, which, however, they declined, upon portance. pretence of having ordered something for themselves, but promised to wait upon him THE doctor remained sullen and dejected and his company immediately after their during the whole journey-not but that he repast. attempted to recover his importance, by ha- This they accordingly performed, and, ranguing upon the Roman highways, when after having drank a few glasses of BurgunMr Jolter desired the company to take notice dy, one of them asked if the young gentleof the fine pavement upon which they travell- man would, for pastime, take a hand at ed from Paris into Flanders; but Pallet, who quadrille. Peregrine easily divined the thought he had now gained the ascendancy meaning of this proposal, which was made over the physician, exerted himself in main- with no other view than that of fleecing him taining the superiority he had acquired, by and his fellow-travellers; for he well knew 142 SMOLLETT'S SELECT WORKS. to what shifts a subaltern in the French ser- men, the money was not refunded without vice is reduced, in order to maintain the ap- a thousand disputes, in the course of which pearance of a gentleman. and had reason to he essayed to intimidate his antagonist with believe that most of them were sharpers from high words, which were retorted by our hero their youth: but, as he depended a good deal with such interest, as convinced him that he upon his own penetration and address, he had mistaken his man, and persuaded him to gratified the stranger's desire; and a party make his retreat in quiet. Indeed it was not was instantly formed of the painter, the phy- without cause that they repined at the bad sician, the proposer and himself, the other offi- success of their enterprise; because, in all cer having professed himself utterly ignorant likelihood, they had nothing to depend upon of the game; yet, in the course of the play, he for the present but their own industry, and took his station at the back of Pickle's chair, knew not how to defray their expenses on which was opposite to his friend, on pre- the road, except by some acquisition of this tence of amusing himself with seeing his kind. manner of conducting the cards. The youth Next morning they rose at day-break, and, was not such a novice but that he perceived resolving to anticipate their fellow-lodgers, the design of this palpable piece of behaviour, bespoke post horses as soon as they could be which, notwithstanding, he overlooked for admitted into the city; so that, when our the present, with a view of flattering their company appeared, their beasts were ready hopes in the beginning, that they might be in the yard; and they only waited to discuss the more effectually punished by their disap- the bill, which they had ordered to be made pointment in the end. out. The landlord of the inn presented his The game was scarce begun, when, by carte with fear and trembling to one of those the reflection of a glass, he discerned the ferocious cavaliers, who no sooner cast his officer at his back making signs to his com- eye on the sum total, than he discharged a panion, who, by these preconcerted gestures, volley of dreadful oaths, and asked if the was perfectly informed of the contents of king's officers were to be treated in that Peregrine's hand, and of consequence fortu- manner. The poor publican protested, with nate in the course of the play. great humility, that he had the utmost resThus they were allowed to enjoy the fruits pect for his majesty, and every thing that of their dexterity, until their money amount- belonged to him; and that, far from consulted to some louis, when our young gentleman, ing his own interest, all that he desired was thinking it high time to do himself justice, to be barely indemnified for the expense of signified, in very polite terms, to the gentle- their lodging. man that stood behind him, that he could This condescension seemed to have no never play with ease and deliberation when other effect than that of encouraging their he was overlooked by any bystander, and arrogance. They swore his extortion should begged that he would have the goodness to be explained to the commandant of the town, be seated. who would, by making him a public example, As this was a remonstrance which the teach other inn-keepers hlow to behave tostranger could not with any show of breed- wards men of honour; and threatened with ing resist, he asked pardon, and retired to such confidence of indignation, that the the chair of the physician, who frankly told wretched landlord, dreading the consequence him, that it was not the fashion of his coun- of their wrath, implored pardon in the most try for one to submit his hand to the perusal abject manner, begging, with many suppliof a spectator; and when,' in consequence cations, that he might have the pleasure of of this rebuff, he wanted to quarter himself lodging them at his own charge. This was upon the painter, he was refused by a wave a favour which be with great difficulty obof the hand, and shake of the head, with an tained; they chid him severely for his impoexclamation ofpardonnez moi! which was re- sition, exhorted him to have more regard for peated with such emphasis, as discomposed his own conscience, as well as for the conhis effrontery, and he found himself obliged venience of his guests; and cautioning him to sit down in a state of mortification. in particular touching his behaviour to the The odds being thus removed, fortune pro- gentlemen of the army, mounted their horses, ceeded in her usual channel; and though the and rode off in' great state, leaving him very Frenchman, deprived of his ally, endeavoured thankful for having so successfully appeased to practice divers strokes of finesse, the rest the choler of two officers, who wanted either of the company observed him with such vigi- inclination or ability to pay their bill; for lance and caution as baffled all his attempts, experience had taught hinl to be apprehenand in a very little time he was compelled to sive of all such travellers, who commonly part with his winning: but having engaged in lay the landlord under contribution, by way the match with an intention of taking all ad- of atonement for the extravagance of his devantages, whether fair or unfair, that his su- mands, even after he has professed his willDerior skill should give him over the English- ingness to entertain them on their own terms ADVENTURES OF PEREGRINE PICKLE. 143 gree of delinquency. He said, that the CHAPTER L. greatest man in Athens would have been condemned to perpetual exile, and seen his Peregrine moralizes upon their behaviour, estate confiscated for public' use, had he which is condemned by the doctor, and dared in such a licentious manner to violate defended by the governor-they arrive in the rights of a fellow-citizen; and as for the safety at Lisle, dine at an ordinary, visit little affronts to which a man may be subject the citadel-the physician quarrels with from the petulance of the multitude, he looka North Briton, who is put in arrest. ed upon them as glorious indications of liberty, which ought not to be repressed, and THEsE honourable adventurers being gone, would at any time rejoice to find himself Peregrine, who was present during the trans- overthrown in a kennel by the insolence of a action, informed himself of the particulars son of freedom, even though the fall should from the mouth of the inkeeper himself, who cost him a limb; adding, by way of illustratook God and the saints to witness, that he tion, that the greatest pleasure he ever enshould have been a looser by their custom, joyed was in seeing a dustman wilfully overeven if the bill had been paid; because he turn a gentlemran's coach, in which two lawas on his guard against their objections, dies were bruised, even to the danger of their and had charged every article at an under lives. Pallet, shocked at the extravagance price: but such was the authority of officers of this declaration,-" If that be the case," in France, that he durst not dispute the least said he, " I wish you may see every bone in circumstance of their will; for, had the case your body broke by the first carman you meet come under the cognizance of the magistrate, in the streets of London." he must in course have suffered by the max- This argument being discussed, and the ims of their government, which never fail to reckoning discharged without any deduction, abet the oppression of the army; and besides although the landlord, in stating the articles, run the risk of incurring their future resent- had an eye to the loss he had sustained by ment, which would be sufficient to ruin him his own countrymen, they departed from Arfrom top to bottom. ras, and arrived in safety at Lisle, about two Our hero boiled with indignation at this o'clock in the afternoon. instance of injustice and arbitrary power; They had scarce taken possession of their and, turning to his governor, asked if this lodgings, in a large hotel in the Grande too was a proof of the happiness enjoyed by Place, when the inkeeper gave them to unthe French people. Jolter replied, that every derstand that he kept an ordinary below, human constitution must in some things be which was frequented by several English genimperfect; and owned, that in this kingdom tlemen who resided in town, and that dinner gentlemen were more countenanced than the was then upon the table. Peregrine, who vulgar, because it was to be presumed that seized all opportunities of observing new their own sentiments of honour and superior characters, persuaded his comnany to dine in qualifications would entitle them to this pre- public; and they were ae-cordingly conducteminence, which had also a retrospective ed to the place, where they found a mixture view to the merit of their ancestors, in con- of Scotch and Dutch officers, who had come sideration of which they were at first enno- from HIolland to learn their exercises at the bled: but he affirmed that the innkeeper had academy, and some gentlemen in the French misrepresented the magistracy, which in service, who were upon garrison duty in the France never failed to punish flagrant out- citadel. Among these last was a person rages and abuse, without respect of persons. about the age of fifty, of a remarkable genThe painter approved of the wisdom of teel air and polite address, dignifi.ed with a the French government in bridling the inso- Maltese cross, and distinguished by the parlence of the mob, by which, he assured them, ticular veneration of all those who knew him. he had often suffered in his own person; When he understood that Pickle and his having been often bespattered by hackney- friends were travellers, he accosted the youth coachmen, jostled by draymen and porters, in English, which he spoke tolerably well; and reviled in the most opprobrious terms by and, as they were strangers, offered to attend the watermen of London, where he had once them in the afternoon to all the places worth lost his bag and a considerable quantity of seeing in Lisle. Our hero thanked him for hair, which had been cut off by some rascal his excess of politeness, which (he said) was in his passage through Ludgate, during the peculiar to the French nation; and, struck lord mayor's procession. On the other hand, with his engaging appearance, industriously the doctor, with great warmth, alleged, that courted his conversation, in the course of those officers ought to suffer death, or ban- which he learned that this chevalier was a ishment at least, for having plundered the man of good sense and great experience, that people in this manner, which was so impu- he was perfectly well acquainted with the dent and barefaced, as plainly to prove tiley greatest part of Europe, had lived some were certain of escaping with impunity, and years in England, and was no stranger to the that they were old offenders in the same de- constitution and genius of that people 144 SMOLLETT'S SELECT WORKS. Having dined, and drank to the healths of ed at being detected in such a blunder, in the English and French kings, two fiacres presence of Pallet, who, he knew, would prowere called, in one of which the knight, with mulgate his shame, told the officer, with one of his companions, the governor, and great arrogance, that his objection was frivoPeregrine, seated themselves, the other being lous, and that he must not pretend to dispute occupied by the physician, Pallet, and two on these matters with one who had considScottish officers, who proposed to accompa- ered them with the utmost accuracy and ny them in their circuit. The first place they care. visited was the citadel, round the ramparts His antagonist, piqued at this supercilious of which they walked, under the conduct of insinuation, replied, with great heat, that, the knight, who explained with great accu- for aught he knew, the doctor might be racy the intention of every particular fortifi- a very expert apothecary, but that, in the cation belonging to that seemingly impreg- art of war, and knowledge in the Greek nable fortress; and, when they had satisfied tongue, he was no other than an ignorant their curiosity, took coach again, in order to pretender. This asseveration produced an view the arsenal, which stands in another answer full of virulence, including a national quarter of the town; but, just as Pickle's car- reflection upon the soldier's country; and riage had crossed the promenade, he heard the contention rose to mutual abuse, when his own name bawled aloud by the painter; it was suppressed by the admonitions of the and, orderingthe fiacre to stop, saw Pallet with other two, who begged they would not exone half of his body thrust out at the window pose themselves in a strange place, but beof the other coach, crying, with a terrified have themselves like fellow-subjects and look, " Mr Pickle! Mr Pickle! for the love friends. They accordingly ceased reviling of God halt, and prevent bloodshed, else here each other, and the affair was seemingly for will be carnage and cutting of throats." got; but after they had resumed their places Peregrine, surprised at this exclamation, im- in the coach, the painter unfortunately asked mediately alighted, and, advancing to the the meaning of the word tortoise, which he other vehicle, found one of their military had heard them mention among the Roman companions standing upon the ground at the implements of war. This question was anfurther side of the coach, with his sword swered by the physician, who described the drawn, and fury in his countenance; an-l the nature of this expedient so little to the satisphysician, with a quivering lip and haggard faction of the officer, that he contradicted aspect,:struggling with the other, who had him flatly, in the midst of his explanation; interposed in the quarrel, and detained him a circumstance which provoked the republiin his place. can to such a degree, that, in the temerity of Our young gentleman, upon inquiry, found his passion, he uttered the epithet impertithat this animosity had sprung from a dispute nent scoundrel; which was no sooner pro. that happened upon the ramparts, touching nounced than the Caledonian made manial the strength of the fortification, which the application to his nose, and, leaping out of doctor, according to custom, undervalued, the coach, stood waiting for him on the plain; because it was a modern work; saying, that, while he (the physician) made feeble efforts by the help of the military engines used to join him, being easily retained by the other among the ancients, and a few thousands of soldier; and Pallet, dreading the consepioneers, he would engage to take it in less quence, in which he himself might be involvthan ten days after he should sit down before ed, bellowed aloud for prevention. it. The North Briton, who was as great a Our hero endeavoured to quiet the compedant as the physician, having studied for- motion, by representing to the Scot, that he tification and made himself master of Cesar's had already taken satisfaction for the injury Commentaries and Polybius, with the obser- he had received, and telling the doctor that vations of Folard, affirmed, that all the me- he had deserved the chastisement which was thods of besieging practised by the ancients inflicted upon him: but the officer (encouragwould be utterly ineffectual against such a ed perhaps by the confusion of his antagoplan as that of the citadel of Lisle; and be- nist) insisted upon his asking pardon for what gan to compare the vines, aggeres, arietes, he had said; and the doctor believing himself scorpiones, and catapultce of the Romans, under the protection of his friend Pickle, far with the trenches, mines, batteries, and mor- from agreeing to such concession, breathed tars used in the present art of war. The re- nothing but defiance and revenge; so that publican, finding himself attacked upon what the chevalier, in order to prevent mischief, he thought his strong side, summoned all his put the soldier under arrest, and sent him to learning to his aid; and, describing the fa- his lodgings, under the care of the other mous seige of Platiea, happened to misquote French gentleman and his own companion; a passage of Thucydides, in which he was they being also accompanied by Mr Jolter, corrected by the other, who having been edu- who, having formerly seen all the curiosities cated for the church, was also a connoisseur of Lisle, willingly surrendered his place to In the Greek language. The doctor, incens- the physician. ADVENTURES 01O' PEREGRINE PICKLE. 145 of several comic actors, who are perfect CHAPTER LI. masters of buffoonery and grimace; though, to be free with you, I think, in these qualifiPickle engages with a knight of Malta in cations, you are excelled by the players of a conversation upon the English stage, Amsterdam. Yet one of your gratiosos I which is followed by a dissertation on the cannot admire, in all the characters he astheatres of the ancients, by the doctor. sumes. His utterance is a continual singsong, like the chanting of vespers, and his THE rest of the company proceeded to the action resembles that of heaving ballast into arsenal, which having viewed, together with the hold of a ship. In his outward deportment some remarkable churches, they, in their re- he seems to have confounded the ideas of turn, went to the comedy, and saw the Cid dignity and insolence of mien; acts the of Corneille tolerably well represented. In crafty, cool, designing Crookback, as a loud, consequence of this entertainment, the dis- shallow, blustering Hector; in the character course at supper turned upon dramatic per- of the mild patriot Brutus he loses all temper formances; and all the objections of Mons. and decorum; nay, so ridiculous is the bede Scudery to the piece they had seen acted, haviour of him and Cassius at their intertogether with the decision of the French aca- view, that, setting foot to foot, and grinning demy, were canvassed and discussed. The at each other, with the aspect of two cobknight was a man of letters and taste, and blers enraged, they thrust their left sides toparticularly well acquainted with the state of gether with repeated shocks, that the hilts the English stage; so that when the painter of their swords may clash for the enterboldly pronounced sentence against the tainment of the audience, as if they were a French manner of acting, on the strength of couple of merry-andrews, endeavouring to having frequented a Covent-Garden Club of raise the laugh of the vulgar, on some scafCritics, and been often admitted, by virtue of fold at Bartholomew fair. The despair of a an order, into the pit, a comparison immedi- great man, who falls a sacrifice to the infernal ately ensued, not between the authors but practices of a subtle traitor that enjoyed his the actors of both nations, to whom the che- confidence, this English 2Esopus represents, valier and Peregrine were no strangers. Our by beating his own forehead, and bellowing hero, like a good Englishman, made no like a bull; and indeed, in almost all his most scruple of giving the preference to the per- interesting scenes, performs such strange formers of his own country, who, he alleged, shakings of the head, and other antic gestiobeyed the genuine impulses of nature, in culations, that, when I first saw him act, I exhibiting the passions of the human mind; imagined the poor man laboured under that and entered so warmly into the spirit of their paralytical disorder which is known by the several parts, that they often fancied them- name of St Vitus's dance. In short, he seems selves the very heroes they represented; to be a stranger to the more refined senwhereas the action of the Parisian players, sations of the soul, consequently his expreseven in their most interesting characters, sion is of the vulgar kind, and he must often was generally such an extravagance in voice sink under the idea of the poet; so that he and gesture, as is nowhere to be observed but has recourse to such violence of affected on the stage. agitation, as imposes upon the undiscerning To illustrate this assertion, lie availed spectator, but to the eye of taste, evinces himself of his talents, and mimicked the him a mere player of that class whom your manner and voice of all the principal admired Shakspeare justly compares to naperformers, male and female, belonging to ture's journeymen tearing a passion to rags. the French comedy, to the admiration of the Yet this man, in spite of all these absurdities, chevalier, who, having complimented him is an admirable Falstaff, exhibits the character upon his surprising modulation, begged leave of the eighth Henry to the life, is reasonably to dissent in some particulars from the opi- applauded in the Plain Dealer, excels in the nion he had avowed. "That you have good part of Sir John Brute, and would be equal actors in England," said he, "it would be to many humorous situations in low comedy, unjust and absurd in me to deny; your thea- which his pride will not allow him to undertre is adorned by one woman, whose sensibil- take. I should not have been so severe upon ity and sweetness of voice is such as I have this actor had I not seen him extolled by his never observed on any other stage; she has, partisans with the most ridiculous and fulbesides, an elegance of person and expression some manifestations of praise, even in those of features, that wonderfully adapt her for very circumstances wherein (as I have obthe most engaging characters of your best served) he chiefly failed." plays; and I must freely own that I have Pickle, not a little piqued to hear the qualbeen as highly delighted and as deeply af- ifications of such a celebrated actor in Engfected by a Monimia and Belvidera at Lon- land treated with such freedom and disresdon, as ever I was by a Cornelia and Cleo- pect, answered, with some asperity, that the patra at Paris. Your favourite actor is a sur- chevalier was a true critic, more industrious prising genius. You can, moreover, boast in observing the blemishes, than in acknow. T 146 SMOLLETT'S SELECT WORKS. ledging the excellencies of those who fell un- tinguished in the world of letters; and that, der his examination. notwithstanding the severity of his criticism, It was not to be supposed that one actor he thought the theatre of London much betcould shine equally in all characters; and ter supplied with actors than that of Paris. though his observations were undoubtedly The young gentleman thanked him for his very judicious, he himself could not help polite condescension, at which Pallet exultwondering that some of them had always es- ed, saying with a shake of the head, " I becaped his notice, though he had been an as- lieve so too, Monsieur;" and the physician, siduous frequenter of the playhouse. " The impatient of the dispute in which he had bore player in question," said he, " has, in your no share, observed, with a supercilious air, own opinion, considerable share of merit in that the modern stage was altogether bethe characters of comic life; and as to the neath the notice of one who had an idea of manners of the oreat personages in tragedy, ancient magnificence and execution; that and the operation of the grand passions of the plays ought to be exhibited at the expense soul, I apprehend they may be variouslyrepre- of the state, as those of Sophocles were by sented, according to the various complexion the Athenians; and that proper judges should and cultivation of different men. A Span- be appointed for receiving or rejecting all iard, for example, though impelled by the such performances as are offered tothe public. same passion, will express it very differently He then described the theatre at Rome, from a Frenchman; and what is fooked upon which contained eighty thousand spectators, as graceful vivacity and address by the one, gave them a learned disquisition into the nawould be considered as impertinence and ture of the persona, or mask worn by the foppery by the other; nay, so opposite is your Roman actors, which (he said) was a macommon deportment from that of some other chine that covered the whole head, furnished nations, that one of your own countrymen, on the inside with a brazen concavity, that by in the relation of his travels, observes, that reverberating the sound, as it issued from the Persians even of this age, when they see the mouth, raised the voice so as to render any man perform unnecessary gestures, say it audible to such an extended audience. He he is either a fool' or a Frenchman. The explained the difference between the saltastandard of demeanour being thus unsettled, tor and declamator, one of whom acted, a Turk, a Moor, an Indian, or inhabitant of while the other rehearsed the part; and from any country, whose customs and dress are thence took occasion to mention the perfec. widely different from ours, may, in his sen- tions of their pantomimes, which were so timents, possess all the dignity of the human amazingly distinct in the exercise of their heart, and be inspired by the noblest passion art, that a certain Prince of Pontus, being at that animates the soul, and yet excite the the court of Nero, and seeing one of them laughter rather than the respect of an Euro- represent a story, begged him of the empepean spectator. ror, in order to employ him as an interpreter W" When I first beheld your famous Parisian among barbarous nations, whose language stage-heroine, in one of her principal parts, he did not understand. Nay, divers cynic her attitudes seemed so violent, and she philosophers, who had condemned this entossed her arms around with such extrava- tertainment unseen, when they chanced to gance, that she put me in mind of a wind- be eye-witnesses of their admirable dexterity, mill under the agitation of a hard gale; while expressed their sorrow for having so long deher voice and features exhibited the lively re- barred themselves of such rational enjoypresentation of an English scold. The action ment. of your favourite male performer was, in my He dissented, however, from the opinion opinion, equally unnatural; he appeared with of Peregrine, who, as a proof of their excelthe affected airs of a dancing-master; at the ]ence, had advanced, that some of the Engmost pathetic junctures of his fate he lifted lish actors fancied themselves the very thing up his hands above his head, like a tumbler they represented, and recounted a story going to vault, and spoke as if his throat had from Lucian, of a certain celebrated pantobeen obstructed by an hair-brush; yet, when mime, who, in acting the part of Ajax, in his I compared their manners with those of the fi-enzy, was transported into a real fit of depeople before whom they performed, and lirium, during which he tore to pieces the made allowance for that exaggeration which clothes of the actor who'stalked before him, obtains on all theatres, I was insensibly re- beating the stage with iron shoes, in order conciled to their method of performance, and to increase the noise, snatched an instru I could distinguish abundance of merit be- ment from one of the musicians, and broke neath that oddity of appearance." it over the head of him who represented The chevalier, perceiving Peregrine alittle Ulysses; and, running to the consular bench, irritated at what he had said, asked pardon mistook a couple of senators for the sheep for the liberty he had taken in censuring the which were to be slain. The audience ap. English players, assuring him that he had an plauded him to the skies; but so conscious infinite veneration for the British learning, was the mimic of his own extravagance. genius and taste, which were so justly dis- when he recovered the use of his reason, ADVENTURES OF PEIrEGRINE PICKLE. 147 that he actually fell sick with mortification; them all three at defiance, dishonoured him and being afterwards desired to react the in particular with the opprobrious epithet of piece, flatly refused to appear in any such rebel to his native king and country, and character, saying that the shortest follies even drank (in broken French) to the perdiwere the best, and that it was sufficient for tion of Lewis and all his adherents! that, him to have been a madman once in his life. compelled by this outrageous conduct, he, as the person who had recommended him to their society, had, in vindication of his own CHAPTER LII. character, demanded satisfaction of the delinquent, who, on pretence of fetching a sword, An adventure happens to Pipes, in conse- had gone to his lodging, from whence he all quence of which he is dismissed from of a sudden sallied upon them with the mopPeregrine's service-the whole company stick, which he employed in the annoyance set out for Ghent in the diligence-our of them all without distinction, so that they hero is captivated by a lady in that car- were obliged to draw in their own defence. riage-interests her spiritual director in Pipes, being questioned by his master with his behalf. regard to the truth of this account, owned that every circumstance was justly repreTHE doctor being fairly engaged on the sub- sented; saying, he did not value their cheeseject of the ancients, would have proceeded toasters a pinch of oakum; and that, if the the Lord knows how far, without hesitation, gentleman had not shot in betwixt them, he had not he been interrupted by the arrival of would have trimmed them to such a tune, Mr Jolter, who, in great confusion, told that they should not have had a whole yard them, that Pipes, having affronted a soldier, to square. Peregrine reprimanded him sharpwas then surrounded in the street, and would ly for his unmannerly behaviour, and insisted certainly be put to death, if some person of upon his asking pardon of those he had inauthority did not immediately interpose in jured upon the spot. But no consideration his behalf. was efficacious enough to produce such conPeregrine no sooner learned the danger of cession: to this command he was both deaf his trusty squire, than, snatching up his and dumb, and the repeated threats of his sword, he ran down stairs, and was followed master had no more effect than if they by the chevalier, entreating him to leave the had been addressed to a marble statue. At affair to his management. Within ten yards length our hero, incensed at his obstinacy, of the door they found Tom with his back to started up, and would have chastised him a wall, defending himself manfully with a with manual operation, had not he been premopstick against the assault of three or four vented by the chevalier, who found means to soldiers, who, at sight of the Maltese cross, moderate his indignation so far, that he condesisted from the attack, and were taken in- tented himself with dismissing the offender to custody by order of the knight. One of from his service; and after having obtained the aggressors, being an Irishman, begged to the discharge of the prisoners, gave them a be heard with great importunity, before he louis to drink, by way of recompense for the should be sent to the guard; and, by the me- disgrace and damage they had sustained. diation of Pickle, was accordingly brought The knight, perceiving our young gentleinto the hotel, with his companions, all three man very much ruffled at this accident, and bearing upon their heads and faces evident reflecting upon the extraordinary deportment marks of their adversary's prowess and dex- and appearance of his valet, whose hair had terity. The spokesman being confronted by this time adopted a grizzly hue, imagined with Pipes, informed the company, that, hav- he was some favourite domestic, who had ing by accident met with Mr Pipes, whom he grown grey in the service of his master's considered as his countryman, though for- family, and that of consequence he was untune had disposed of them in different ser- easy at the sacrifice he had made. Swayed vices, he invited him to drink a glass of wine, by this conjecture, he earnestly solicited in and accordingly carried him to a cabaret, his behalf; but all he could obtain was a where he introduced him to his comrades; promise of readmitting him into favour on but, in the course of the conversation, which the terms already proposed, or at least on turned upon the power and greatness of the condition that he should make his acknow. kings of France and England, Mr Pipes had ledgment to the chevalier, for his want of been pleased to treat his most christian ma- reverence and respect for the French monjesty with great disrespect; and when he arch. (the entertainer) expostulated with him in a Upon this condescension, the culprit was friendly manner about his impolite beha- called up stairs, and made acquainted with viour, observing, that he being in the French the mitigation of his fate; upon which he service, would be under the necessity of re- said, he would down on his marrow bones to senting his abuse, if he did not put a stop to his own master, but would be damned before it before the other gentlemen of the cloth he would ask pardon of e'er a Frenchman in should comprehend his meaning, he had set Christendom. Pickle, exasperated at this 13 148 SMOLLETT'S SELECT WORKS. blunt declaration, ordered him out ofhispres- further molestation; while the painter, in ence, and charged him never to appear be- signs and loud bursts of laughter, conversed fore his face again; while the officer in vain with his Dulcinea, who was perfectly well employed all his influence and address to ap- versed in these simple expressions of satispease his resentment, and about midnight faction, and had already found means to took his leave with marks of mortification make a dangerous invasion upon his heart. at his want of success. Nor were the governor and physician unNext day the company agreed to travel employed, while their friends interested themthrough Flanders in the diligence, by the selves in this agreeable manner. Jolter no advice of Peregrine, who was not without sooner perceived the Hollander was a Jew, hope of meeting with some adventure or than he entered into an investigation of the amusement in that carriage; and Jolter took Hebrew tongue, in which he was a connoiscare to secure places for them all: it being seur; and the doctor at the same time attackresolved that the valet de chambre and the ed the mendicant on the ridiculous maxims doctor's man should attend the vehicle on of his order, together with the impositions horseback; and as fobr the forlorn Pipes, he of priest-craft in general, which, he observwas left to reap the fruits of his own stub- ed, prevailed so much among those who proborn disposition, notwithstanding the united fess the Roman catholic religion. efforts of the whole triumvirate, who en- Thus coupled, each committee enjoyed deavoured to procure his pardon. their own conversation apart, without any Every previous measure being thus taken, danger of encroachment; and all were so they set out from Lisle about six in the intent upon their several topics, that they morning, and found themselves in the compa- scarce allowed themselves a small interval ny of a female adventurer, a very handsome in viewing the desolation of Menin, as they young lady, a capuchin, and a Rotterdam passed through that ruined frontier. About Jew. Our young gentleman, being the first twelve o'clock they arrived at Courtray, of this society that entered, surveyed the where the horses are always changed, and strangers with an attentive eye, and seated the company halted an hour for refreshment. himself immediately behind the beautiful un- Here Peregrine handed his charmer into an known, who at once attracted his attention. apartment, where she was joined by the other Pallet, seeing another lady unengaged, in lady; and, on pretence of seeing some of imitation of his friend, took possession of the churches in town, put himself under the herneighbourhood; the physician paired with direction of the capuchin, from whom he the priest, and Jolter sat down by the Jew. learned that the young lady was wife to a The machine had not proceeded many French gentleman, to whom she had been furlongs, when Pickle, accosting the fair in- married about a year, and that she was now cognita, congratulated himself upon his hap- on her journey to visit her mother, who lived piness in being the fellow-traveller of so at Brussels, and who at that time laboured charming a lady. She, without the least re- under a lingering distemper, which, in all serve or affectation, thanked him for his probability, would soon put a period to her compliment, and replied, with a sprightly air, life. He then launched out in praise of her that now they were embarkedin one common daughter's virtue and conjugal affection; bottom, they must club their endeavours to and, lastly, told him, that he was her father make one another as happy as the nature of confessor, and pitched upon to be her contheir situation would permit them to be. ductor through Flanders, by her husband, Encouraged by this frank intimation, and who, as well as his wife, placed the utmost captivated by her fine black eyes and easy confidence in his prudence and integrity. behaviour, he attached himself to her from Pickle easily comprehended the meaning that moment; and, in a little time, the con- of this insinuation, and took the hint accordversationbecame so particular, that thecapu- ingly. He tickled the priest's vanity with chin thought proper to interfere in the dis- extraordinary encomiums upon the disintercourse, in such a manner as gave the youth ested principles of his order, which were' to understand that he was there on purpose detached from all worldly pursuits, and altoto superintend her conduct. He was doubly gether devoted to the eternal salvation of rejoiced at this discovery, in consequence of mankind. He applauded their patience, huwhich he hoped to profit in his addresses, not mility, and learning, and lavished a world of only by the young lady's restraint, that never praise upon their talent in preaching, which fails to operate in behalf of the lover, but also (he said) had more than once operated so by the corruptibility of her guardian, whom powerfully upon him, that, had he not been he did not doubt of rendering propitious to restrained by certain considerations which his cause. Flushed with these expectations. he could not possibly wave, he should have he behaved with uncommon complacency to embraced their tenets, and begged admission the father, who was charmed with the affa- into their fraternity: but, as the circumDility of his carriage, and on the faith of his stances of his fate would not permit him to generosity, abated of his vigilance so much, take such a salutary measure for the present, that our hero carried on his suit without he entreated the good father to accept a ADVENTURES OF PEREGRINE PICKLE. 149 small token of his love and respect, for the benefit of that convent to which he belonged. CHAPTER XLIII. So saying, he pulled out a purse of ten guineas, which the capuchin observing, turned He makes progress in her affection-'is inhis head another way, and, lifting up his terrupted by a dispute between Jolter and arm, displayed a pocket almost as high as his the Jew-appeases the wrath of the capucollar bone, in which he deposited the money. chin, who procures for him an interview This proof of affection for the order pro- with his fair enslaver, in which he finds duced a sudden and surprising effect upon himself deceived. the friar. In the transport of his zeal, he wrung this semi-convert's hand, showered a PEREGRINE, meanwhile, employed all his inthousand benedictions upon his head, and sinuation and address in practising upon the exhorted him, with the tears flowing from heart of the capuchin's fair charge. He had his eyes, to perfect the great work which long ago declared his passion, not in the suthe finger of God had begun in his heart; perficial manner of a French gallant, but with and, as an instance, of his concern for the all the ardour of an enthusiast. He had Ianwelfare of his precious soul, the holy brother guished, vowed, flattered, kissed her hand by promised to recommend him strenuously to stealth, and had no reason to complain of his the pious admonitions of the young woman reception. Though by a man of less sanunder his care, who was a perfect saint upon guinary disposition, her particular complaisearth, and endowed with the peculiar g(rift of ance would have been deemed equivocal, and mollifying the hearts of obdurate sinners. perhaps nothing more than the effect of "O father!" (cried the hypocritical projector, French breeding and constitutional vivacity, who by this time perceived that his money he gave his own qualifications credit for the was not thrown away), "if I could be favour. whole, and with these sentiments carried on ed but for one half hour with the private the attack with such unabating vigour, that instruction of that inspired devotee, my mind she was actually prevailed upon to accept a presages that I should. be a strayed sheep ring, which he presented as a token of his brought back into the fold, and that I should esteem; and every thing proceeded in a most find easy entrance at the gates of heaven! prosperous train, when they were disturbed there is something supernatural in her by the governor and Israelite, who, in the aspect; I gaze upon her with the most pious heat of disputation, raised their voices, and fervour, and my whole soul is agitated with poured forth such effusions of gutturals, as tumults of hope and despair!" Having pro- set our lover's teeth on edge. As they spoke nounced this rhapsody with transport, half in a language unknown to every one in the natural and half affected, the priest assured carriage but themselves, and looked at each him, that these were operations of the spirit, other with mutual animosity and rancour, which must not be repressed; and comforted Peregrine desired to know the cause of their him with the hope of enjoying the blessed contention; upon which Jolter exclaimed in interview which he desired, protesting, that, a furious tone,-" This learned Levite, foras far as his influence extended, his wish sooth, has the impudence to tell me that I should be that very evening indulged. The don't understand Hebrew; and affirms, that gracious pupil thanked him for his benevolent the word benoni signifies child of joy;whereconcern, which he swore should not be as I can prove, and indeed have already said squandered upon an ungrateful object; and enough to convince any reasonable man, that the rest of the company interrupting the in the Septuagint it is rightly translated into conversation, they returned in a body to the son of my sorrow." Having thus explained inn, where they dined altogether, and the himself to his pupil, he turned to the priest, ladies were persuaded to be our hero's with intention to appeal to his determination; guests. but the Jew pulled him by the sleeve with As the subjects on which they had been great eagerness, saying, "For the love of engaged before dinner were not exhausted, God be quiet, the capuchin will discover who each brace resumed their former theme when we are!" Jolter, offended at this conjunction, they were replaced in the diligence. The echoed, " Who we are!" with great emphapainter's mistress finished her conquest, by sis; and repeating nos poma natamus, asked exerting her skill in the art of ogling, accom- ironically to which of the tribes the Jew panied by frequent bewitching sighs, and thought he belonged. The Levite, affronted some tender French songs, that she sung at his comparing him to a ball of horse-dung, with such pathetic expression, as quite melt- replied, with a most significant grin, "To ed the resolution of Pallet, and utterly sub- the tribe of Issachar." His antagonist, takdued his affection; and he, to convince her ing the advantage of his unwillingness to of the importance of her victory, gave a spe- be known by the friar, and prompted by recimen of his own talents, by entertaining her venge for the freedom he had used, answered with that celebrated English ditty, the bur- in the French language, that the judgment then of which begins with, the pigs they lie of God was still manifest upon their whole with their bare. race, not only in their being in the state of 150 SNMOLLETT'S SELECT WORKS. exiles from their native land, but also in the fair, that she could not refuse her helping spite of their hearts and pravity of their dis- hand to the great work of his conversion, positions, which demonstrate them to be the and promised to grant the interview he degenuine offspring of those who crucified the sired. Saviour of the world. This agreeable piece of intelligence, which His expectation was, however, defeated; the capuchin communicated to Peregrine at the priest himself was too deeply engaged to his return, elevated his spirits to such a deattend to the debates of other people. The gree, that he shone at supper with uncomphysician, in the pride and insolence of his mon brilliance, in a thousand sallies of wit learning, had undertaken to display the ab- and pleasantry, to the admiration and delight surdity of the christian faith; having already of all present, especially of his fair Fleming, (as he thought) confuted the capuchin, touch- who seemed quite captivated by his person ing the points of belief in which the Roman and behaviour. catholics differ from the rest of the world. The evening being thus spent to the satBut not contented with the imagined victory isfaction of all parties, the company broke he had gained, he began to strike at the fun- up, and retired to their several apartments, damentals of religion; and the father, with when our lover, to his unspeakable mortificaincredible forbearance, suffered him to make tion, learned that the two ladies were obliged very free with the doctrine of the Trinity: to lie in the same room, all the other chambut when he levelled the shafts of his ridicule bers of the inn being pre-occupied. When at the immaculate conception of the Blessed he imparted this difficulty to the priest, that Virgin, the good man's patience forsook him, charitable father, who was very fruitful in his eyes seemed to kindle with indignation, expedients, assured him that his spiritual he trembled in every joint, and uttered with concerns should not be obstructed by such a a loud voice,-" You are an a.bominable-I slender impediment; and accordingly availwill not call thee heretic, for thou art worse ed himself of his prerogative, by going into (if possible) than a Jew; you deserve to be his daughter's chamber when she was almost inclosed in a furnace seven times heated, and undressed, and leading her into his own, on I have a good mind to lodge an information pretence of administering salutary food for against you with the governor of Ghent, that her soul. Having brought the two votaries you may be apprehended and punished as an together, he prayed for success to the operaimpious blasphemer." tions of grace, and left them to their mutual This menace operated like a charm on all meditations, after having conjured them, in present. The doctor was confounded, the the most solemn manner, to let no impure governor dismayed, the Levite's teeth chat- sentiments, or temptations of the flesh, intertered, the painter was astonished at the gen- fere with the hallowed design of their meeting. eral confusion, the cause of which he could The reverend intercessor being gone, and not comprehend; and Pickle himself, not a the door fastened on the inside, the pseudolittle alarmed, was obliged to use all his in- convert, transported with his passion, threw terest and assiduity in appeasing this son of himself at Amanda's feet; and begging she the church,'who, at length, in consideration would spare him the tedious form of addresof the friendship he professed for the young ses, which the nature of their interview would gentleman, consented to forgive what had not permit him to observe, began, with all passed, but absolutely refused to sit in con- the impetuosity of love, to make the most by tact with such a profane wretch, whom he the occasion. But whether she was dislooked upon as a fiend of'darkness, sent by pleased by the intrepidity and assurance of the enemy of mankind to poison the minds his behaviour, thinking herself entitled to of weak people; so that, after having cross- more courtship and respect, or was really ed himself, and muttered certain exorcisms, better fortified with chastity than he or his he insisted upon the doctor's changing places procurer had supposed her to be, certain it with the Jew, who approached the offended is, she expressed resentment and surprise at ecclesiastic in an agony of fear. his boldness and presumption, and upbraided Matters being thus compromised, the con- him with having imposed upon the charity versation flowed in a more general channel; of the friar. The young gentleman was reand without the intervention of any other ally as much astonished at this rebuff, as she accident, or bone of contention, the carriage pretended to be at his declaration, and eararrived at the city of Ghent about seven in nestly entreated her to consider how precious the evening. Supper being bespoke for the the moments were, and for once sacrifice suwhole company, our adventurer' and his perfluous ceremony to the happiness of one friends went out to take a superficial view who adored her with such a flame, as could uf the place, leaving his new mistress to the not fail to consume his vitals, if she would pious exhortations of her confessor, whom not deign to bless him with her favour. (as we have already observed) he had secur- Notwithstanding all his tears, vows, and ed in his interest. This zealous mediator supplications, his personal accomplishments, spoke so warmly in his commendation, and and the tempting opportunity, all that he;nterested her conscience so much in the af- could obtain was an acknowledgment of his ADVENTURES OF PEREGRINE PICKLE. 151 having made an impression upon her heart, to close her eys, and enjoy the agreeable opwhich she hoped the dictates of her duty pression of slumber, when she was roused by would enable her to erase. This confession this rape, at which she started, pronouncing, he considered as a delicate consent; and, in a tone of surprise and dismay, " My God! obeying the impulse of his love, snatched her who's that?" The lover, with the most inup in his arms, with an intention of seizing sinuating humility, besought her to hear him; that which she declined to give; when this vowing, that his intention in approaching her French Lucretia, unable to defend her virtue thus, was not to violate the laws of decency, any other way, screamed aloud; and the ca- or that indelible esteem which she had enpuchin, setting his shoulder to the door, graven on his heart, but to manifest his sorforced it open, and entered it in an affected row and contrition for the umbrage he had ecstasy of amazement. He lifted up his given, to pour forth the overflowings of his hands and eyes, and pretended to be thun- soul, and tell her that he neither could nor derstruck at the discovery he had made; then, would survive her displeasure. These, and in broken exclamations, professed his horror many other pathetic protestations, accompaat the wicked intention of our hero, who had nied with sighs and tears, and other expresscovered such a damnable scheme with the ions of grief, which our hero had at commask of religion. mand, could not fail to melt the tender heart In short, he performed his cue with such of the amiable Fleming, already prepossessed dexterity, that the lady, believing him in ear- in favour of his qualifications. She sympanest, begged he would forgive the stranger, thized so much with his affliction, as to weep on account of his youth and education, which in her turn, when she represented the irnhad been tainted by the errors of heresy: possibility of her rewarding his passion; and and he was on these considerations content he, seizing the favourable moment, reinforcto accept the submission of our hero, who, ed his solicitations with such irresistible far from renouncing his expectations, not- transports, that her resolution gave way, she withstanding this mortifying repulse, con- began to breathe quick, expressed her fear of fided so much in his own talents, and the being overheard by the other lady, and, with confession which his mistress had made, that an ejaculation of " 0 Heavens! I'm undone," he resolved to make another effort, to which suffered him, after a faint struggle, to make nothing could have prompted him but the a lodgment upon the covered way of her utmost turbulence of unruly desire. bed. Her honour, however, was secured for the present, by a strange sort of knocking upon the wainscot, at the other end of the CHAPTER LIV. room, hard by the bed in which the female adventurer lay. He makes another efort towards the accom- Surprised at this circumstance, the lady plishment of his wish, which is postponed begged him for heaven's sake to retreat, or her by a strange accident. reputation would be ruined for ever; but when he represented to her that her character HE directed his valet de chambre, who was would run a much greater risk if he should a thorough-paced pimp, to kindle some straw be detected in withdrawing, she consented, in the yard, and then pass by the door of her with great trepidation, to his stay; and they apartment, crying with a loud voice, that the listened in silence to the sequel of the noise house was on fire. This alarm brought both that alarmed them. This was no other than ladies out of their chamber in a moment; an expedient of the painter to awaken his and Peregrine taking the advantage of their Dulcinea, with whom he had made an asrunning to the street-door, entered the room, signation, or, at least, interchanged such and concealed himself under a large table signals as he thought amounted to a firm apthat stood in an unobserved corner. The pointment. His nymph, being disturbed in nymphs, as soon as they understood the her first sleep, immediately understood the cause of his Mercury's supposed affright, re- sound, and, true to the agreement, rose, and turned to their apartment, and, having said unbolting the door as softly as possible, gave their prayers, undressed themselves and went him admittance, leaving it open for his more to bed. This scene, which fell under the commodious retreat. observation of Pickle, did not at all contri- While this happy gallant was employed in bute to the cooling of his concupiscence, but, disengaging himself from the dishabile in on the contrary, inflamed him to such a de- which he had entered, the capuchin, susgree, that he could scarce restrain his impa- pecting that Peregrine would make another tience, until by her breathing deep, he con- attempt upon his charge, had crept silently cluded the fellow-lodger of his Amanda was to the apartment, in order to reconnoitre, asleep. This welcome note no sooner sa- lest the adventure should be achieved withluted his ears, than he crept to his-charmer's out his lknowledge: a circumstance that would bed-side, and, placing himself on his knees, deprive him of the profits he might expect gently laid hold on her white hand, and from his privity and concurrence. Finding pressed it to his lips. She had just begun the door unlatched, his suspicion was con13* 152 SMOLLETT'S SELECT WORKS. firmed, and he made no scruple of creeping by which he had been conveyed (he knew not into the chamber on all four; so that the how) into that apartment, and afflicted with painter, having stripped himself to the shirt, all the tortures of hell: that one of them had in groping about for his Dulcinea's bed, made itself sensible to his feeling, in the shape chanced to lay his hand upon the shaven of a round ball of smooth flesh, which turned crown of the father's head, which, by a cir- round under his hand, like an astronomer's cular motion, the priest began to turn round globe, and then, rising up to a surprising in his grasp like a ball in a socket, to the sur- height, was converted into a machine that prise and consternation of poor Pqalet, who, laid hold on his finger, by a snap, and, havyhaving neither penetration to comprehend ing pinned him to the spot, he continued for the case, nor resolution to withdraw his fin- some moments in unspeakable agony. At gers from this strange object of his touch, last, he said the engine seemed to melt away stood sweating in the dark, and venting ejac- from his finger, and he received a sudden ulations with great devotion. The friar, thwack upon his shoulders, as if discharged tired with his exercise, and the painful pos- by the arm of a giant, which overthrew him ture in which he stooped, raised himself in an instant upon the*floor. The priest gradually upon his feet, heaving up at the hearingthis strangeaccount, pulledout of one same time the hand of the painter, whose of his pouches a piece of consecrated canterror and amazement increased to such a dle, which he lighted immediately, and mutdegree at this unaccountable elevation, that tered certain mysterious conjurations. Jolhis faculties began to fail; and his palm, in ter, imagining that Pallet was drunk, shook the confusion of his fright, sliding over the his head, saying he believed the spirit was priest's forehead, one of his fingers happened nowhere but in his own brain. The physito slip into his mouth, and was immediately cian for once condescended to be a wag, and secured between the capuchin's teeth, with looking towards one of the beds, observed as firm a fixture as if it had been screwed in that, in his opinion, the painter had been misa blacksmith's vice. The painter was so led by the flesh, and not by the spirit. The much disordered by this sudden snap, which fair Fleming lay in silent astonishment and tortured him to the bone, that, forgetting all affright; and her fellow-lodger, in order to other considerations, he roared aloud, "Mur- acquit herself of all suspicion, exclaimed der! a fire! a trap, a trap! help, christians, with incredible volubility against the author for the love of God, help!" Our hero, con- of this uproar, who (she did not doubt) had founded by these exclamations, which he concealed himself in the apartment, with knew would soon fill the room with specta- a view of perpetrating some wicked attempt tors, and incensed at his own mortifying dis- upon her precious virtue, and was punished appointment, was obliged to quit the untast- and prevented by the immediate interposition ed banquet, and approaching the cause of of Heaven. At her desire, therefore, and at his misfortune, just as his tormentor had the earnest solicitation of the other lady, he thought proper to release his finger, dis- was conducted to his own bed, and the chamcharged such a hearty slap between his shoul- ber being evacuated, they locked their door, ders, as brought him to the ground with hi- fully resolved to admit no more visitants for deous bellowing; then retiring unperceived that night: while Peregrine, mad with seeing to his own chamber, was one of the first who the delicious morsel snatched (as it were) returned with a light, on pretence of having from his very lip, stalked through the passbeen alarmed with his cries. age like a ghost, in hope of finding some The capuchin had taken the same precau- opportunity of re-entering, till the day betion, and followed Peregrine into the room, ginning to break, he was obliged to retire, pronouncing Benedicite, and crossing him- cursing the idiotical conduct of the painter, selfwith many marks of astonishment. The which had so unluckily interfered with his physician and Jolter appearing at the same delight. time, the unfortunate painter was found lying naked on the floor, in all the agony of hor6 ror and dismay, blowing upon his left hand, CHAPTER LV. that hung dangling from the elbow. The circumstances of his being found in that They depart from Ghent-our hero engages apartment, and the attitude of his affliction, in a political dispute with his mistress, which was' extremely ridiculous, provoked whom he offends, and pacifies with subthe doctor to a smile, and produced a small mission-he practises an expedient to relaxation in the severity of the governor's detain the carriage at A lost, and confirms countenance; while Pickle, testifying sur- the priest in his interest. prise and concern, lifted him from the ground, and inquired into the cause of his present NEXT day, about one o'clock, after having situation. Having, after some recollection, seen every thing remarkable in town, and and fruitless endeavours to speak, recovered been present at the execution of two youths, the use of his tongue, he told them that the who were hanged for ravishing a w e, house was certainly haunted by evil spirits, they took their departure from Ghent, in the ADVENTURES OF PEREGRINE PICKLE. 153 same carriage which had broughlt them thi- sence of the dauphin, that, if the allies ther; and the conversation turning upon the should be obliged to raise the siege, he would punishment they had seen inflicted, the immediately declare his marriage with that Flemish beauty expressed great sympathy lady, upon which the son sent private orders and compassion for the unhappy sufferers, to Marshal Boufflers to surrender the place. who (as she had been informed) had fitllen This strange allegation was supported by victims to the nialice of the accuser. Her the asseverations of the priest and the coursentiments were espoused by all the compa- tezan, and admitted as truth by the governor, ny, except the French lady of pleasure, who, who pretended to have heard it from good thinking the credit of the sisterhood concerned authority; while the doctor sat neutral, as in the affair, bitterly inveighed against the one who thought it scandalous to know the profligacy of the age, and particularly the history of such modern events. The Israelbase and villanous attempts of man upon the ite, being a true Dutchman, listed himself chastity of the weaker sex; saying, with a under the banners of our hero, who, in atlook of indignation, directed to the painter, tempting to demonstrate the absurdity and that, for her own part, she should never be improbability of what they had advanced, able to manifest the acknowledgment she raised such a hue and cry against himself, owed to Providence, for having protected and being insensibly heated in the alter. her last night from the wicked aims of un- cation, irritated his Amanda to such a debridled lust. This observation introduced a gree, that her charming eyes kindled with series of jokes, at the expense of Pallet, who fury, and he saw great reason to think, that hung his ears, and sat with a silent air of if he did not fall upon some method to dedejection, fearing that, through the malevo- precate her wrath, she would in a twinkling lence of the physician, his adventure might sacrifice all her esteem for him to her own reach the ears of his wife. Indeed, though zeal for the glory of the French nation. we have made shift to explain the whole Moved by this apprehension, his ardour cooltransaction to the reader, it was an inextri- ed by degrees, and he insensibly detached cable mystery to every individual in the dili- himself from the argument, leaving the whole gence: because the part which was acted by care of supporting it on the Jew, who, findthe capuchin was'known to himself alone; ing himself deserted, was fain to yield at and even he was utterly ignorant of Pickle's discretion; so that the French remained being concerned in the affair; so that the masters of the field, and their young heroine greatest share of the painter's sufferings were resumed her good humour. supposed to be the exaggerations of his own Our hero having prudently submitted to extravagant imagination. the superior intelligence of his fair enslaver, In the midst of their discourse on this began to be harassed with the fears of losing extraordinary subject, the driver told them, her for ever, and set his invention at work, that they were now on the very spot where a to contrive some means of indemnifying detachment of the allied army had been himself for his assiduities, presents, and the intercepted and cut off by the French; and, disappointments he had already undergone. stopping the vehicle, entertained them with On pretence of enjoying a free air, he mounta local description of the battle of Melle. ed the box, and employed his elocution and Upon this occasion, the Flemish lady, who, generosity with such success, that the driver since her marriage, had become a keen parti- undertook to disable the diligence from prozan for the French, gave a minute detail of ceeding beyond the town of Alost for that all the circumstances, as they had been re- day; and, in consequence of his promise, presented to her by her husband's brother, gently overturned it when they were but a who was in the action. This account, which mile short of that baiting place. He had sunk the number of the French to sixteen, taken his measures so discretely, that this and raised that of the allies to twenty accident was attended with no other inconthousand men, was so disagreeable to truth, venience than a fit of fear that took possessas well as to the laudable partiality of Pere- ion of the ladies, and the necessity to which grine, that he ventured to contradict her they were reduced by the declaration of the assertions, and a fierce dispute commenced, coachman, who, upon examining the carthat not only regarded the present question, riage, assured the company that the axlebut also comprehended all the battles in tree had given way, and advised them to which the duke of Marlboroulgh had com- walk forward to the inn, where he would jog manded against Lewis XIV. In the course after them at a slow pace, and do his endeaof these debates, she divested the great vour that the damage should be immediately general of all the glory he had acquired, repaired. Peregrine pretended to be very by affirming, that every victory he gained much concerned at what had happened, and was purposely lost by the French generals, even cursed the driver for his inadvertency, in order to bring the schemes of Madame expressing infinite impatience to be at Bnmsde Maintenon into discredit; and, as a par- sels, and wishing that this misfortune might ticular instance, alleged, that while the citadel not detain them another night upon the road; of Lisle was besieged, Lewis said, in pre- but when his understrapper, according to his U 154 SMOLLETT'S SELECT WORKS. instructions, came afterwards to the inn, and but they were attended so closely by her gave them to understand, that the workman father confessor, that he faresaw it would be he had employed could not possibly refit the impracticable to accomplish his aim, without machine in less than six hours, the crafty the connivance of that ecclesiastic. This youth affected to lose all temper, stormed at he was obliged to purchase with another his emissary, whom he reviled in the most purse, which he offered, and was accepted, opprobrious terms, and threatened to cane as a charitable atonement for his criminal for his misconduct. The fellow protested, behaviour durinig the interview which the with great humility, that their being over- friar had procured for the good of his soul. turned was owing to the failure of the axle- The benefaction was no sooner made, than tree, and not to his want of care or dexterity the pious mendicant edged off by little and in driving; though rather than be thought. little, till he joined the rest of the company, the cause of incommoding him, he would leaving his generous patron at full liberty to inquire for a post-chaise, in which he might prosecute his purpose. It is not to be doubtdepart for Brussels immediately. This ex- ed that our adventurer made a good use of pedient Pickle rejected unless the whole this occasion: he practised a thousand flowcompany could be accommodated in the ers of rhetoric, and actually exhausted his same manner; and he had been previously whole address, in persuading her to have informed by the driver, that the town could compassion upon his misery, and induloe him not furnish more than one vehicle of that with another private audience, without which sort. His governor, who was quite ignorant lie should run distracted, a.nd be guilty of of his scheme, represented that one night extravagancies which, in the humanity of would soon be passed, and exhorted him to her disposition, she would weep to see. But, bear this small disappointment with a good instead of complying with his request, she grace, especially as the house seemed to be chid hirmr severely for his. presumption, in well provided for their entertainment, and persecuting her with his vicious addresses the company so much disposed to be sociable. She assured him, that although she had seThe capuchin, who had found his account in cured a chamber for herself in this place, becultivating the acquaintance of the young cause she had no ambition to be better acstranger, was not ill pleased at this event, quainted with the other lady, he would be in which might, by protracting the term of the wrong to disturb her with another noctheir intercourse, yield him some opportunity turnal visit; for she was determined to deny of profiting still further by his liberality; him admittance. The lover was comforted he therefore joined Mr Jolter in his admo- by this hint, which he understood in the true nitions, congratulating himself upon the acceptation, and his passion being inflamed prospect of enjoying his conversation a by the obstacles he had met with, his heart little longer than he: had expected. Our beat high with the prospect of possession. young gentleman received a compliment to These raptures of expectation produced an the same purpose from the Hebrew, who had inquietude, which disabled him from bearing that day exercised his gallantry upon the that share of the conversation for which he French coquette,, and was not without hope used to be distinguished. His behaviour at of reaping. the fruits of his attention, his supper was a vicissitude of startings and rival, the painter, being quite disgraced and reveries. The capuchin, imputing this disdejected by the adventure of last night. As order to a second repulse from his charge, for the doctor, he was too much engrossed began to be invaded with the apprehension in the contemplation of his own importance of being obliged to refund, and, in a whisper, to interest himself in the affair, or its con- forbade our hero to despair. sequences, further than by observing, that the European powers ought to establish public games, like those that were celebrated of old CHAPTER LVI. in Greece; in which case every state would be supplied with such dexterous charioteers, The French coquette entraps the heart of as would drive a machine at full speed, within the Jew, against whom Pallet enters into a hair's breadth of a precipice, without any a conspiracy; by which Peregrine is again danger of its being overthrown. Peregrine disappointed, and the Hebrew's inconti could not help yielding to their remonstrances nence exposed. and united complaisance, for which he thanked them in very polite terms; and, his.passion MEANWHILE, the French syren, baulked in seeming to subside, proposed that they should her design upon her English cully, who'was amuse themselves in walking, round the so easily disheartened, and'hung his ears in ramparts. He hoped to enjoy some private manifest despondency, rather than run the conversation with his admired Fleming, who risk of making a voyage that should be altohad this whole day behaved with remarkable gether unprofitable, resolved to practise her reserve. The proposal being embraced, he charms upon the Dutch merchant. She had (as usual) handed her into the street, and already made such innovations upon his took all opportunities of promoting his suit: heart, that he cultivated her with peculiar ADVENTURES OF PEREGRINE PICKLE. 155 complacency, gazed upon her with a most to ride into the room, and disturb the lovers libidinous stare, and unbended his aspect in the midst of their mutual endearments; into a grin that was truly Israelitish. The but the ass, true to its kind, finding himself painter saw and was offended at this corres- bestrid by an unknown rider, instead of adpondence, which he considered as an insult vancing, in obedience to his conductor, re-'upon his misfortune, as well as an evident treated backwards to the other end of the preference of his rival; and, conscious of his passage, in spite of all the efforts of the painown timidity, swallowed an extraordinary ter, who spurred, and kicked, and pommelled glass, that his invention might be stimulated, to no purpose. It was the noise of this conand his resolution raised to the extravagance tention between Pallet and the ass which inand execution of some scheme of revenge. vaded the ears of Peregrine and his mistress, The wine, however, failed in the expected neither of whom could form the least rationeffect, and, without inspiring him with the al conjecture about the cause of such strange plan, served'only to quicken his-desire of disturbance, which increased as the animal vengeance; so that he communicated his approached the apartment. At length, the purpose to his friend Peregrine, and begged bourrique's retrograde motion was obstructed his assistance; but our young gentleman was by the door, which it forced open in a twinktoo intent upon his own affair to mind the ling with one kick, and entered with such a concerns of any other person; and declining complication of sounds as terrified the lady to be engaged in the project, Pallet had re- almost into a fit, and threw her lover into course to the genius of Pickle's valet de the utmost perplexity and confusion. The chambre, who readily embarked in the un- painter, finding himself thus violently intruddertaking, and invented a plan, which was ed into the bed-chamber of he knew not executed accordingly. whom, and dreading the resentment of the The evening being pretty far advanced, possessor, who might discharge a pistol at and the company separated into their respec- him, as a robber who had broke into his tive apartments, Pickle repaired, in all the apartment, was overwhelmed with corsternaimpatience of youth and desire, to the cham- tion, and redoubled his exertion to accomher of his charmer, and finding the door un- plish a speedy retreat, sweating all the time bolted, entered in a transport of joy. By with fear, and putting up petitions tc Heavthe light of the moon, which shone through en for his safety; but his obstinate' csmpanthe window, he was conducted to her bed, ion, regardless of his situation, instead of which he approached in the utmost agitation, submitting to his conduct, began to turn round and perceiving her to all appearance asleep, like a mill-stone, the united sound of his feet essayed to wake her with a gentle kiss; but and bells producing a most surprisirg conthis method proved ineffectual, because she cert. The unfortunate rider, whirlirg about was determined to save herself the confilsion in this manner, would have quitted his seat, of being an accomplice in his'guilt. He re- and left the beast to his own amusement; peated the application, murmured a most pas- but the rotation was so rapid, that tie terror sionate salutation in her ear, and took such of a severe fall hindered him from attempting other gentle methods of signifying his pres- to dismount, and, in the desperation of his ence, as persuaded him that she was resolv- heart, he seized one of its ears,- which he ed to sleep, in spite of all his endeavours: pinched so unmercifully, that the creature flushed with this agreeable supposition, he set up his throat, and brayed aloud.' This locked the door, in order to prevent interrup- hideous exclamation was no sooner hbard by tion, and stealing himself under the clothes, the fair Fleming, already chilled by panic, set fortune at defiance, while he held the fair and prepared with superstition, than, believcreature circled in his arms. ing herself visited by the devil, who was per.Nevertheless, near as he seemed. to be to mitted to punish her for her infidelity to the Lhe happy accomplishment of his desire, his marriage bed, she uttered a scream, mnd behope was again frustrated with a frightful gan to repeat her pater noster with a loud noise, which, in a moment, awakened his voice. Her lover, finding himself unier the Amanda in a fright, and, forthe present, en- necessity of retiring, started up, anc stung gaged all his attention. His valet de chaim- with the most violent pangs of rage and disbre, whom Pallet had consulted as a confede- appointment, ran directly to the spot whence rate in his revenge against the lady of plea- this diabolical noise seemed to proceed. sure and her Jewish gallant, had hired of There, encountering the ass, he disclarged certain Bohemians, who chanced to lodge at such a volley of blows at him and his rider, the inn, a jack-ass adorned with bells, which, that the creature carried him off at a round when every body was retired to rest, and the trot, aind they roared in unison all the way. HIebrew supposed to be bedded with his mis- Having thus cleared the room of such disatress, they led utp stairs into a long thorough- greeable compnnany, he went back to his misfare, from which the chambers were detach- tress, and assuring her that this was only ed on each side. The painter, perceiving some foolish prank of Pallet, took his leave, the lady's door a-jar, according to his expec- with a promise of returning after the quiet tation, mounted this animal, with intention of the inn should be re-established. 156 SMOLLETT'S SELECT WORKS..In the mean time, the noise of the bour- deprived all one side of his nose of the skin, rique, the cries of the painter, and the lady's and would not have left him an eye to see scream, had alarmed the whole house; and through, if some of the company had not the ass, in the precipitation of his retreat, rescued him from her unmercifultalons. Proseeing people with lights before him, took voked at this outrage, as well as by her beshelter in the apartment for which he was at haviour to him in the diligence, he publicly first designed, just as the Levite, aroused at explained his intention in entering her chainthe uproar, had quitted his Dulcinea, and was ber in this equipage; and, missing the Heattempting to recover his own chamber un- brew among the spectators, assured them perceived. Seeing himself opposed by such that he must have absconded somewhere in an animal, mounted by a tall, meagre, lan- the apartment. In pursuance of this intimathorn-jaw'd figure, half naked, with a white tion, the room was immediately searched, nightcap upon his head, which added to the and the mortified Levite pulled by the heels natural paleness of his complexion, the Jew from his lurking place; so that Pallet had was sorely troubled in mind, and, believing the good fortune at last to transfer the laugh it to be an apparition of Balaam and his ass, from himself to his rival and the French inafled backward with a nimble pace, and crept morata, who accordingly underwent the ridiunder the bed, where he lay concealed. Mr cule of the whole audience. Jolter and the priest, who were the foremost of those who had been aroused by the noise, were not unmoved when they -saw such a CHAPTER LVII. spectacle rushing into the chamber, from whence the lady of pleasure began to shriek. Pallet, endeavouring to unravel the mystery The governor made a full halt, and the capu- of the treatment he had received, falls chin discovered no inclination to proceed. out of thefrying.pan into the fire. They were, however, by the pressure of the crowd that followed thern, thrust forward to NEVERTHIELESS, Pallet was still confound. the door, through which the vision entered; ed and chagrined by one consideration, and there Jolter, with great ceremony, com- which was no other than that of his having plimented his reverence with the pass, be- been so roughly handled in the chamber beseeching him to walk in. The mendicant longinog (as he found upon inquiry) to the was too courteous and humble to accept this handsome young lady who was under the pre-eminence, and a very earnest dispute en- capuchin's direction. He recollected that sued; luring which the ass in the course of the door was fast locked when his beast his circuit, showed himself and rider, and in burst it open; and he had no reason to bea trice decided the contest; for, struck with lieve that any person followed him in his the sec,)nd glimpse, both at one instant sprung. irruption; on the other hand, he could not backward with such force, as overturned the imagine that such a gentle creature would next rmn, who communicated the impulse to either attempt to commit, or be able to exethose tiat stood behind them, and these again cute, such a desperate assault as that which to others; so that the whole passage was his body had sustained; and her demeanour strewel with a long file of people, that lay in was so modest and circumspect, that he a line like the sequel and dependence of a durst not harbour the least suspicion of her pack of cards. In the midst of this havoc, virtue. our he-o returned from his own room with These reflections bewildered him in the laan air of astonishment, asking the cause of byrinth of thought; he rummaged his whole this uproar. Receiving such hints of intelli- imagination, endeavouring to account for gence Ls Jolter's consternation would permit what had happened. At length he concluded him to give, he snatched the candle out of that either Peregrine, or the devil, or both, his hand, and advanced into the haunted must have been at the bottom of the whole chamber without hesitation, being followed affair, and determined, for the satisfaction by all present, who broke forth into a long of his curiosity, to wach our hero's motions, and loud peal of laughter, when they perceiv- during the remaining part of the night, so ed the ludicrous source of their disquiet. The narrowly, that his conduct, mysterious as it painter himself made an effort to join their was, should not be able to elude his penemirth; but he had been so harrowed by fear, tration. and smarted so much with the pain of the With these sentiments he retired to' his discipline he had received from Pickle, that own room, after the ass had been restored he could not, with all his endeavour, van- to the right owners, and the priest had visitquish the ruefulness of his countenance. His ed and confirmed his fair ward, who had attempt served only to increase the awk- been almost distracted with fear. Silence wardness of his situation, which was not at no sooner prevailed again, than he crawled all mended by the behaviour of the coquette, darkling towards her door, and huddled himwho, furious with her disappointment, slipped self up in an obscure corner, from whence he on a petticoat and bedgown, and, springing might observe the ingress or egress of any upon him like another Hecuba, with her nails human creature. Ite had not long remained ADVENTURES OF PEREGRINE PICKLE. 157 in this posture, when, fatigued with this had now for the third time baulkd his good adventure, and that of the preceding night, fortune. his faculties were gradually overpowered Enraged at the complicated trepasses of with slumber; and, falling fast asleep, he this unfortunate offender, he rushd from his began to snore like a whole congregation of; apartment with a horse-whip, and!ncounterpresbyterians. The Flemish beauty, hearing ing the painter in his flight, overturned him this discordant noise in the passage, began to in the passage. There he exerted the inbe afraid of some new alarm, and very pru- strument of his wrath with grea severity, dently bolted her door; so that when her on pretence of mistaking him for3ome prelover wanted to repeat his visit, he was not sumptuous cur, which had disturbd the reonly surprised and incensed at this disagree- pose of the inn; nay, when he cdled aloud able serenade, the author of which he did for mercy in a supplicating ton(, and his not know, but when compelled by his pas- chastiser could no longer preteni to treat sion, which was by this time wound to the him as a quadruped, such was the virulence highest pitch, be ventured to approach the of the young gentleman's indignation, that entrance, he had the extreme mortification to he could not help declaring his satisfaction, find himself shut out. He durst not knock by telling Pallet he had richly deserved the or signify his presence in any other manner, punishment he had undergone, for his madon account of the lady's reputation, which ness, folly, and impertinence, in conitriving would have greatly suffered, had the snorer and executing such idle schemes, as had no been waked by his endeavours. Had he other tendency than that of plaguing his known that the person who thus thwarted neighbours. his views was the painter, he would have Pallet protested with great vehemence, taken some effectual step to remove him; that he was innocent as the child unborn, of but he could not conceive what should in- an intention to give umbrage to any person duce Pallet to take up his residence in that whatever, except the Israelite and his doxy, corner; nor could he use the assistance of a who he knew had incurred his displeasure. light to distinguish him, because there was "But, as God is my saviour," said he, "I benot a candle burning in the house. lieve I am persecuted with witchcraft, and It is impossible to describe the rage and begin to think that damned priest is an agent vexation of our hero, while he continued -for the devil; for he has been but two nights thus tantalized upon the brink of bliss, after in our company, during which I have not his desire had been exasperated by the closed an eye, but, on the contrary, have circumstances of his two former disappoint- been tormented by all the fiends of hell." ments. He ejaculated a thousand execrations Pickle peevishly -replied, that his torments against his own fortune, cursed his fellow- had been occasioned by his own foolish imatravellers without exception, vowed revenge gination; and asked him how he came to against the painter, who had twice confound- howl in that corner; the painter, who did not ed his most interesting scheme, and was think proper to own the truth, said that he tempted to execute immediate vengeance had been transported thither by somepreterupon the unknown cause of his present mis- natural conveyance, and soused in water by carriage. In this agony of distraction did an invisible hand. The youth, in hope of he sweat two whole hours in the passage, profiting by his absence, advised him to though not without some faint hopes of retire immediately to his bed, and by sleep being delivered from his tormentor, who, he strive to comfort his brain, which seemed to imagined, upon waking, would undoubtedly be not a little disordered by the want of that shift his quarters, and leave the field free to refreshment. Pallet himself began to be very his designs; but when lie heard the cock much of the same way of thinking; and, in repeat his salutation to the morn, which be- compliance with such wholesome counsel, gan to open on the rear of night, he could betook himself to rest, muttering prayers all no longer restrain his indignation. Going the way for the recovery of his own underto his own chamber, he filled a basin with standing. cold water, and, standing at some distance, Pickle attended him to his chamber, and, discharged it full in the face of the gaping locking him up, put the key in his own snorer, who, over and above the surprise pocket, that he might not have it in his occasioned by the application, was almost power to interrupt him again; but in his resuffocated by the liquor that entered his turn he was met by Mr Jolter and the doctor, mouth, and ran down into his wind-pipe. who had been a second time alarmed by the While he gasped like a person half drowned,; painter's cries, and come to inquire about without knowing the nature of his disaster, this new adventure. Half frantic with such or remembering the situation in which he a series of disappointments, he cursed them fell asleep, Peregrine retired to his own door, inrhis heart for their unseasonable appearance. and, to his no small astonishment, friom a When they questioned him about Pallet, he long howl that invaded his ears, learned that told them he had found him stark staring Lhe patient was no other than Pallet, who mad, howling in a corner, and wet to the 158 SMOLLETT'S SELECT WORKS. skin, and onducted him to his room, where water, which lie -found in the room, in a basin, he was now a-bed. The physician, hearing when he was interrupted by the prescriber, this circurstance, made a merit of his vani- who advised him to use the contents of the ty; and, uder pretence of concern for the chamber-pot, which, being impregnated with patient's i'elfare, desired he might have an salt, would operate more effectually than the opportuniV of examining the symptoms of pure element. Thus directed, the governor his disor&r without loss of time; alleging lifted up the vessel, which was replete with that man3 diseases might have been stifled medicine, and, with one turn of his hand, in the birti, which afterwards baffled all the discharged the whole healing inundation upon endeavour of the medical art. The young the ill-omened patient, who, waking in the gentleman accordingly delivered the key, utmost distraction of horror, yelled most hideand once more withdrew into his own ously, just at the time when Peregrine had chamber, with a view of seizing the first brought his mistress to a parley, and enter. occasion that should present itself of re- tained hopes of being admitted into her chaminnewing has application to his Amanda's ber. door; while the doctor, in his way to Pal- Terrified at this exclamation, she instantly let's apartment, hinted to the governor his broke off the treaty, beseeching him to retire suspicion that the patient laboured under from the door, that her honour mightreceive that dreadful symptom called the hydro- no injury from his being found in that place: phobia, which, he observed, had sometimes and he had just enough of recollection left to appeared in persons who were not previous- see the necessity of obeying the order; in ly bit by a mad dog. This conjecture he conformity to which he retreated, well nigh founded upon the howl he uttered when he deprived of his senses, and almost persuaded was soused with water, and began to recol- that so many unaccountable disappointments lect certain circumstances of the painter's must have proceeded from some supernatural behaviour for some days past, which now he cause, of which the ideot Pallet was no more could plainly perceive had prognosticated than the involuntary instrument. some such calamity. He then ascribed the Meanwhile the doctor, having ascertained distemper to the violent frights he had lately the malady of the patient, whose cries, inundergone; affirmed that the affair of the terrupted by frequent sobs and sighs, he inbastile had made such a violent encroach- terpreted into the barking of a dog, and havment upon his understanding, that his man- ing no more salt water at hand, resolved ner of thinking and speaking was entirely to renew the bath with such materials as altered. By a theory of his own invention, chance would afford. HI-e actually laid hold he explained the effect of fear upon a loose of the bottle and basin; but by this time the system of nerves, and demonstrated the painter had recovered the use of his senses modus in which the animal spirits operate so well, as to perceive his drift; and, starting upon the ideas and power of imagination. up like a frantic bedlamite, ran directly to This disquisition, which was communicat- his sword, swearing, with many horrid imed at the painter's door, might have lasted piecations, that he would murder them both till breakfast, had not Jolter reminded him immediately, if he should be hanged before of his own maxim, Venienti occurrite mor- dinner. They did not chuse to wait the isbo; upon which he put the key to immediate sue of his threat, but retired with such preuse, and they walked softly towards the bed, cipitation, that the physician had almost diswhere the patient lay extended at full length located his shoulder, by running against one in the arms of sleep. The physician took side of the entry. Jolter, having pulled the notice of his breathing hard, and his mouth door after him, and turned the key, betook being open; and from these diagnostics de- himself to flight, roaring aloud for assistance. clared that the liquidum nervosum was in- His colleague, seeing the door secured, valutimately affected, and the saliva impregnat- ed himself upon his resolution, and exhorted ed with the spiculated particles of the virus, him to return; declaring, that, for his own howsoever contracted. This sentence was part, he was more afraid of the madman's still farther confirmed by the state of his teeth than of his weapon, and admonishing pulse, which, being full and slow, indicated the governor to re-enter, and execute what an oppressed circulation, from aloss of elas- they had left undone. "Go in," said he ticity in the propelling arteries. He propos- " without fear or apprehension, and if any ed that he should immediately suffer a second accident shall happen to you, either from his aspersion of water, which would not only slaver or his sword, I will assist you with my contribute to the cure, but also certify them advice, which from this station I can more beyond all possibility of doubt, with regard. coolly and distinctly administer, than I should to the state of the disease; for it would evi- be able to supply, if my ideas were disturbed, dently appear from the manner in which he or my attention engaged in any personal swould bear the application, whether or not concern." his horror of water amounted to a confirmed Jolter, who could make no objection to the hydrophobia. Mr Jolter, in compliance with justness of the conclusion, frankly owned, this proposal, began to empty a bottle of that he Lad no inclination to try the experi. ADVENTURES OF PEREGRINE PICKLE. 159 ment; observing that self-preservation was of the inn were a-foot. Peregrine, seeing the first law of nature; that his connexions it would be impossible to obtain any sort of with the unhappy lunatic were but slight; indemnification for the time he had lost, and that it could not be reasonably expected and the perturbation of his spirits hindering that he would run such rislks for his service, him from enjoying repose, which was, moreas were declined by one who had set out with over, obstructed by the noise of Pallet and him from England on the footing of a corn- his attendants, put on his clothes at once, panion. This insinuation introduced a dis- and, in exceeding ill humour, arrived at the pute upon the nature of benevolence and the spot where this triumvirate stood debating moral sense, which, the republican argued, about the means of overpowering the furious existed independent of any private considera- painter, who still continued his song of oaths tion, and could never he affected by any con- and execrations, and made sundry efforts to tinogent circumstance of time and fortune; break open the door. Chagrined as our while the other, who abhorred his principles, hero was, he could not help laughing when asserted the duties and excellence of private he heard how the patient had been treated; friendship with infinite rancourofaltercation. and his indignation changing into compasDuring the hottest of the argument, they sion, he called to him through the key-hole, were joined by the capuchin, who, being as- desiring to know the reason of his distracted tonished to see them thus virulently engaged behaviour. Pallet no sooner recognised his at the door, and to hear the painter bellow- voice, than lowering his own to a whimpering within the chamber, conjured them, inthe ing tone,-" My dear friend," said he, "I name of God, to tell him the cause of that have at last detected the ruffians who have confusion which had kept the whole house in persecuted me so much. I caught them in continual alarm during the best part of the the fact of suffocating me with cold water; night, and seemed to be the immediate work and by the Lord I will be revenged, or may I of the devil and his angels. When the go- never live to finish my Cleopatra. For the vernor gave him to understand that Pallet love of God, open the door, and I will make was visited with an evil spirit, he muttered that conceited pagan, that pretender to taste, a prayer of St Antonio de Padta, and under- that false devotee of the ancients, who poitook to cure the painter, provided he could sons people with sillykickabies and devil's be secured, so as that he might, without dan- dung; I say, I will make him a monument ger to himself, burn part of a certain relic of my wrath, and an example to all the under his nose, which he assured them was cheats and impostors of the faculty: and as equal to the miraculous power of Eleazar's for that thick-headed insolent pedant, his ring. They expressed great curiosity to confederate, who emptied my own jordan know what this treasure was; and the priest upon me while I slept, he had. better been was prevailed upon to tell themr, in confi- in his beloved Paris, hatching schemes for dence, that it was a collection of the parings his friend the pretender, than incur the efof the nails belonging to those two madmen fects of my resentment; gadsbodikins! I whom Jesus purged ofthe legion of devils that won't leave him a windpipe for the hangafterwards entered the swine. So saying, man to stop at the end of another rebellion." he pulled from one of his pockets a small Pickle told him that his conduct had been box, containing about an ounce of the pair- so extravagant, as to confirm the whole comings of an horse's hoof; at the sight of which pany in the belief that he was actually dethe governor could not help smiling, on ac- prived of his senses; on which supposition count of the grossness of the imposition. Mr Jolter and the doctor had acted the part The doctor asked, with a supercilious smile, of friends, in doing that which they thought whether those maniacs, whom Jesus cured, most conducive to his recovery; so that were of the sorrel complexion, or dapple their concern merited his thankful acknowgrey; for, from the texture of these parings, ledgment, instead of his frantic menaces; he could prove, that the original owners were that, for his own part, he would be the first of the quadruped order, and even distinguish to condemn him, as one utterly bereft of his that their feet had been fortified with shoes wits, and give orders for his'being secured of iron. as a madman, unless he would immediately The mendicant, who bore an inveterate give a proof of his sanity, by laying aside his grudge against this son of ZEsculapius, ever sword, composing his spirits, and thanking since he had made so free with the catholic 1Its injured friends for their care of his person. religion, replied, with great bitterness, that This alternative quieted his transports in he was a wretch, with whom no christian a moment; he was terrified at the apprehenought to communicate; that the vengeance sion of being treated like a bedlamite, being of Heaven would one day overtake hint, on dubious of the state of his own brain; and, account of his profanity; and that his heart on the other hand, had conceived such a horwas shod with a metal much harder than ror and antipathy for his tormentors, that, iron, which nothing but hell-fire would be far from believing himself obliged by what able to melt. they had done, he could not even think of It was now broad day, and all the servants them without the utmost rafe and CdPteqt. 14 160 SMOLLETT'S SELECT WORKS. tion. He, therefore, in the most tranquil giving him such disturbance. He declared, voice he could assume, protested, that he in the most solemn manner, that he had no never was less out of his senses than at pre- other intention than that of contributing tosent, though he did not know how long he wards his welfare, and that his behaviour might retain them; if he should be considered was the result of the physician's prescripin the light of a lunatic; that, in order to tion, which he affirmed was absolutely necesprove his being compos mentis, he was will- sary for the recovery of his health. ing to sacrifice the resentment he so justly The painter, who had very little gall in harboured against those who, by their malice, his disposition, was satisfied with this apolohad brought him to this pass; but, as he ap- gy; but his resentment, which was before prehended it would be the greatest sign of- divided, now glowed with double fire against madness he could exhibit, to thank them for his first fellow-traveller, whom lie looked the mischiefs they had brought upon him, he upon as the author of all the mischances he desired to be excused from making any such had undergone, and marked out for his venconcession: and swore he would endure geance accordingly. Yet the doors of reconevery thing, rather than be guilty of such ciliation were not shut against the doctor, mean absurdity. who, with great justice, might have transPeregrine held a consultation upon this ferred this load of offence fiornom himself to reply, when the governor and physician stre- Peregrine, who was, without doubt, the nuously argued against any capitulation with source of the painter's misfortune: but, in a maniac, and proposed that some method that case, he must have owned himself mismight be taken to seize, fetter, and convey taken in his medical capacity; and he did him into a dark room, where he might be not think the friendship of Pallet important treated according to the rules of art. But enough to be retrieved by such condescenthe capuchin, understanding the circumstan- sion; so that he resolved to neglect him ces of the case, undertook to restore him to entirely, and gradually forget the former his former state, without having recourse to correspondence he had maintained with a any such violent measures. Pickle, who person whom he deemed so unworthy of his was a better judge of the affair than any per- notice. son present, opened the door without further hesitation, and displayed the poor painter standing with a woful countenance, shivering CHAPTER LVIII. in his shirt, which was as wet as if he had been dragged through the Dender: a spectacle Peregrine, almost distracted with his diswhich gave such offence to the chaste eyes appointments, conjures the fair Fleming of the Hebrew's mistress, who was by this to permit his visits at Brussels-she time one of the spectators, that she turned withdrauzs from his pursuit. her head another way, and withdrew to her own room, exclaiming against the indecent THINGS being thus adjusted, and all the practices of men. company dressed, they went to breakfast Pallet, seeing the young gentleman enter, abouthfive in the morning; and in less than ran to him, and, shaking him by the hand, an hour after were seated in the diligence, called him his best friend, and said he had where a profound silence prevailed. Pererescued him from those who had a design grine, who used to be the life of the society, against his life. The priest would have pro- was extremely pensive and melancholy on duced his parings, and applied them to his account of his mishap; the Israelite and his nose, but was hindered by Pickle, who advis- Dulcinea dejected, in consequence of their ed the patient to shift himself, and put on disgrace; the poet absorpt in lofty meditahis clothes. This being done with great or- tion, the painter in schemes of revenge, der and deliberation, Mr Jolter, who, with while Jolter, rocked by the motion of the carthe doctor, had kept a wary distance, in ex- riage, made himself amends for the want of pectation of seeing some strange effects of rest he had sustained; and the mendicant, his distraction, began to believe that he had with his fair charge, were infected by the been guilty of a mistake, and accused the cloudy aspect of our youth, in whose disapphysician of having misled him by his false pointment each of them, for different reasons, diagnostic. The doctor still insisted upon bore no inconsiderable share. This general his former declaration, assuring him, that languor and recess from all bodily exercise although Pallet enjoyed a short interval for disposed them all to receive the gentle yoke the present, the delirium would soon recur, of slumber; and, in half an hour after they unless they would profit by this momentary had embarked, there was not one of them calm, and ordered him to be blooded, blis- awake, except our hero and his mistress, tered, and purged, with all imaginable dis- unless the capuchin was pleased to counterpatch., feit sleep, in order to indulge our young genThe governor, however, notwithstanding tleman with an opportunity of enjoying some this caution, advanced to the injured party, private conversation with his beauteous and begged pardon for the share he had in ward. ADVENTURES OF PEREGRINE PICKLE. 161 Peregrine' did not neglect the occasion; Thus soothed, he regained the empire of but, on the contrary, seized the first minute, himself, and, by degrees, recovered his seand, in gentle murmnurs, lamented his hard renity. But this was not the case with his hap in being thus the sport of fortune. He Amanda, who, from this sample of his disassured her (and that with great sincerity), position, dreaded the impetuosity of his youth, that all the cross accidents of his life had not and was effectually deterred from entering cost him one half of the vexation and keen- into any engagements that might subject her ness of chagrin which he had suffered last peace and reputation to the rash effects of night; and that, now he was on the brink of such a violent spirit. Though she was capparting from her, he should be overwhelmed tivated by his person and accomplishments, with the blackest despair, if she would not she had reflection enough to foresee, that the extend her compassion so far as to give him longer she countenanced his passion, her own an opportunity of sighing at her feet in heart would be more and more irretrievably Brussels, during the few days his affairs engaged, and the quiet of her life the more would permit him to spend in that city. exposed to continual interruption. ShethereThis young lady, with an air of mortifica- fore profited by these considerations, and a tion, expressed her sorrow for being the in- sense of religious honour, which helped her nocent cause of his anxiety; said, she hoped to withstand the suggestions of inclination, last night's adventure would be a salutary and resolved to amuse her lover with false warning to both their souls, for she was per- hopes, until she should have it in her power suaded that her virtue was protected by the to relinquish his conversation, without run-;ntervention of Heaven; that, whatever im- ning any risk of suffering by the inconsiderpression it might have made upon him, she ate sallies of his love. It was with this view was enabled by it to adhere to that duty from that she desired lie would not insist upon atwhich her passion had begun to swerve; and, tending her to her mother's house, when the beseeching him to forget her for his own diligence arrived at Brussels; and he, cajoled peace, gave him to understand, that neither by her artifice, took a formal leave of her, the plan she had laid down for her own con- together with the other strangers, fixing his duct, nor the dictates of her honour, would habitation at the inn to which he and his felallow her to receive his visits, or carry on low-travellers had been directed, in the imany other correspondence with him, while patient expectation of receiving a kind sumshe was restricted by the articles of her mar- mons from her within the limited time. riage vow. Meanwhile, in order to divert his imagiThis explanation produced such a violent nation, he went to see the stadthouse, park, effect upon her admirer, that he was for some and arsenal, took a superficial view of the minutes deprived of the faculty of speech; bookseller's cabinet of curiosities, and spent which le no sooner recovered, than he gave the evening at the Italian opera, which was vent to the most unbridled transports of pas- at that time exhibited fbr the entertainment sion. He taxed her with barbarity and in- of Prince Charles of Lorraine, then governor difference; told her, that she had robbed him of the Low Countries. In short, the stated of his reason and internal peace; that he period was almost elapsed, when Peregrine would follow her to the ends of the earth, received a letter to this purpose: and cease to live sooner than cease to love " SIR:-If you knew what violence I do my her; that he would sacrifice the innocent fool own heart, in declaring that I have withwho had been the occasion of all this disquiet, drawn myself forever from your addresses, and murder every man whom he considered youwould surely applaud the sacrifice I make as an obstruction to his views. In a word, to virtue, and strive to imitate this example his passions, which had continued so long in of self-denial. Yes, Sir, Heaven hath lent a state of the highest fermentation, together me grace to struggle with my guilty passion, with the want of that repose which calms and and henceforth to avoid the dangerous sight quiets the perturbation of the spirits, had of him who inspired it. I therefore conjure wrought him up to a pitch of real distraction. you, by the regard you ought to have for the While he uttered those delirious expressions, eternal welfare of us both, as well as by the the tears ran down his cheeks; and he under- esteem and affection you profess, to war went such agitation that the tender heart of with your unruly inclination, and desist from the fair Fleming was affected with his con- all attempts of frustrating the laudable resodition; and, while her own face was bedew- lution I have made. Seek not to invade the ed with the streams of sympathy, she begged peace of one who loves you, to disturb the him, for Heaven's sake, to be composed; quiet of a family that never did you wrong, and promised, for his satisfaction, to abate and to alienate the thoughts of a weak woman somewhat of the rigour of her purpose. Con- from a deserving man, who, by the most sasoled by this kind declaration, he recollected cred claim, ought to have the full possession himself; and, taking out his pencil, gave her of her heart." his address, when she had assured him that This billet, without either date or subscriphe should hear from her in four-and-twenty tion, banished all remains of discretion from hours at farthest after their separation. the mind of our hero, who ran instantly to __ 162 SMOLLETT'S SELECT WORKS. the landlord, in all the ecstasy of madness, a diligent and minute inquiry, which he forthand demanded to see the messenger who with resolved to set onfoot. Ie had reason to brought the letter, on pain of putting his believe that her own heart would espouse his whole family to the sword. The innkeeper, cause, in spite of her virtue's determination, terrified by his looks and menaces, fell upon and did not despair of meeting with the capuhis knees, protesting in the face of heaven, chin, whose good offices he knew he could that he was utterly ignorant and innocent of at any time command. Comforted with these any thing that could give him offence, and reflections, the tempest of his soul subsided. that the billet was brought by a person whom In less than two hours he joined his company, he did not know, and who retired immedi- with an air of composure, and asked the ately, saying it required no answer. He painter's forgiveness for the freedom he had then gave utterance to his fury in a thousand taken-the cause of which he promised hereimprec ations and invectives against the wri- after to explain. Pallet was glad of being reter, whom he dishonoured with the appella- conciled on any terms to one whose countetions of a coquette, ajilt, an adventurer, who, nance supported him in equilibrio with his by meins of a pimping priest, had defrauded antagonist the doctor; and Mr Jolter was rehim of his money. He denounced vengeance joiced beyond measure at his pupil's recovery. agains,, the mendicant, whom he swore he would destroy, if ever he set eyes on him dagain. The painter, unluckily appearing CHAPTER LIX. during this paroxysm of rage, he seized him by the throat, saying, he was ruined by his Peregrine meets with Mfrs Hornbeck, and accursed folly; and, in all likelihood, poor is consoled.for his loss-his valet de Pallet would have been strangled, had not chambre is embroiled with her duenna, Jolter interposed in his behalf, beseeching whom, however, he finds means to aphis pupil to have mercy upon the sufferer, pease. and, with infinite anxiety, desiring to know the cause of this violent assault. He receiv- EVERY thing having thus resumed its natued no answer but a string of incoherent ral channel, they dined together in great curses. When the painter, with unspeak- tranquillity. In the afternoon, Peregrine, able astonishment, took God to witness that on pretence of staying at home to write lethe had done nothing to disoblige him, the go- ters, while his companions were at the coffeevernor began to think, in sad earnest, that house, ordered a coach to be called, and, Peregrine's vivacity had at length risen to with his valet de chambre, who was the only the transports of actual madness, and was person acquainted with the present state of himself almost distracted with this supposi- his thoughts, set out for the promenade, to tion. That he might the better judge what which all the ladies of fashion resort in the remedy ought to be applied, he used his whole evening during the summer season, in hopes influence, and practised all his eloquence upon of seeing his fugitive among the rest. the youth, in order to learn the immediate Having made a circuit round the walk, cause of his delirium. He employed the most and narrowly observed every female in the pathetic entreaties, and even shed tears in place, he perceived at some distance the the course of his supplication; so that Pic- livery of Hornbeck upon a lacquey that stood kle (the first violence of the hurricane being at the back of a coach; upon which he orblown over) was ashamed of his own impru- dered his man to reconnoitre the said cardence, and retired to his chamber, in order riage, while he pulled up his glasses, that he to re-collect his dissipated thoughts. There might not be discovered, before he should he shut himself up, and, for the second time have received some intelligence, by which, perusing the fatal epistle, began to waver in he might conduct himself on this unexpected his opinion of the author's character and in- occasion, that already began to interfere with tention. He sometimes considered her as the purpose of his coming thither, though it one of those nymphs who, under the mask of could not dispute his attention with the idea innocence and simplicity, practise upon the of his charming unknown. hearts and purses of unwary and unexperi- His Mercury having made his observaenced youths. This was the suggestion of tions, reported, that there was nobody in the his wrath, inflamed by disappointment; but coach but Mrs Hornbeck and an elderly when he reflected upon the circumstances of woman, who had all the air of a duenna, and her behaviour, and recalled her particular that the servant was not the same footman charms to his imagination, the severity of that had attended them in France. Enhis censure gave way, and his heart declared couraged by this information, our hero orderin favour of her sincerity. Yet even this ed himself to be driven close up to that side consideration aggravated the sense of his of their convenience on which his old mistoss, and he was in danger of relapsing into tress sat; and accosted her with the usual his former distraction, when his passion was salutation. This lady no sooner beheld her a little becalmed by the hope of seeing her gallant, than her cheeks reddened with a again, either by accident, or in the course of double glow; and she exclaimed, —" Dear ADVENTURES OF PEREGRINE PICKLE. 163 brother, I am overjoyed to see you; pray which Peregrine learned, that the true cause come into our coach." He took the hint of her being left behind at Brussels, while immediately, and, complying with her re- her husband proceeded to Spa, was the dread quest, embraced this new sister with great of the company and familiarities of that affection. place, to which his jealousy durst not expose Perceiving that her attendant was very her; and that she had lived three weeks in a much surprised and alarmed at this unexpect- convent at Lisle, from which she was delivered meeting, she, in order to banish her sus- ed by his own free motion, because, indeed, picion; and at the same time give her lover he could no longer exist without her comhis cue, told him, that his brother (meaning pany; and, lastly, our lover understood, that her husband) was gone to the Spa for a few her governante was a mere dragon, who had weeks, by the advice of physicians, on ac- been recommended to him by a Spanish count of' his ill state of health; and that, merchant, whose wife she attended to her from his last letter, she had the pleasure to dying day: but she very much questioned tell him, he was in a fair way of doing well. whether or not her fidelity was proof enough The young gentleman expressed his satis- against money and strong waters. Peregrine faction at this piece of news; observing, assured her the experiment should be tried with an air of fraternal concern, that if his before parting; and they agreed to pass the brother had not made too free with his con- night at Versailles, provided his endeavours stitution, his friends in England would have should succeed. had no occasion to repine at his absence and Having exercised themselves in this manwant of health, by which he was banished ner, until the duenna's spirits were pretty from his own country and connexions. He much exhausted, that she might be the better then asked (with an affectation of surprise), disposed to recruit them with a glass of why she had not accompanied her spouse; liquor, they returned to their apartment, and and was given to understand, that his tender- the cordial was recommended and received ness of affection would not suffer. him to ex- in a bumper; but as it did not produce such pose her to the fatigues of the journey; which a visible alteration as the sanguine hopes of lay among rocks that were almost inacces- Pickle had made him expect, and the old sible. gentlewoman observed that it began to be The duenna's doubts being eased by this late, and that the gates would be shut in a preamble of conversation, he changed -the little time, he filled up a parting glass, and subject to the pleasures of the place, and, pledged her in equal quantity. Her blood -among other such questions, inquired if she was too much chilled to be warmed even by had as yet visited Versailles. This is a this extraordinary dose, which made immepublic-house, situated upon the canal, at the diate innovation on the brain of our youth, distance of about two miles from town, ac- who, in the gaiety of'his imagination, overcommodated with tolerable gardens for the whelmed this she Argus with such profusion entertainment of company. When she re- of gallantry, that she was more intoxicated plied irt the' negative, he proposed- to accom- with his expressions than with the spirits pany her thither immediately; but the gover- she had drank. When, in the course of toynante, who had hitherto sat silent, objected ing, he dropped a purse into her bosom, she to this proposal, telling them, in broken seemed to forget how the night wore, and, English, that as the lady was under her care, with the approbation of her charge, assented she could not answer to Mr Hornbeck for to his proposal of having something for supallowing her to go and visit such a suspicious per. place. "As for that matter, madam." said This was a great point which our adventhe confident gallant, "give yourself no turer had gained; and yet he plainly percelv. trouble; the consequences shall be at my ed that the governante mistook his meaning, peril, and I will undertake to insure you by giving herself credit for all the passion he against mybrother's resentmnent." Sosaying, had professed. As this error could be reche directed the coachman to the place, and tified by no other means than those of plying ordered his own to follow, under the auspices her with the bottle, until her distinguishing of his valet de chambre, while the old gentle- faculties should be overpowered, he promoted woman, overruled by his assurance, quietly a quick circulation. She did him justice, submitted to his authority. without any manifest signs of inebriation, so Being arrived at the place, he banded the long, that his own eyes began to reel in the ladies from the coach, and then, for the first sockets; and' he found, that, before his time, observed that the duenna was lame; a scheme could be accomplished, he should be circumstance of which he did not scruple to effectually unfitted for all the purposes of love. take the'advantage; for they had scarce He, therefore, had recourse to his valet de alighted, and drank a glass of wine, when he chambre, who understood the hint as soon advised his sister to enjoy a walk in the as it was given, and readily undertookto pergarden; and although the attendant made form the part, of which his master had played shift to keep them almost always in view, the prelude. This affair being settled to they enjoyed a detached conversation, in his satisfaction, and the night at odds with 14' 164 SMOLLETT'S SELECT WORKS. morning, he took an opportunity of imparting ions of gratitude and devotion to his serto the ear of this aged Dulcinea a kind vice; yet this complaisance was nothing but whisper, importing a promise of visiting her, a cloak used to disguise the design he when his sister should be retired to her own harboured of making his master acquainted chamber, and an earnest desire of leaving with the whole transaction. Indeed this her door unlocked. lacquey had been hired, not only as a spy This agreeable intimation being commu- upon his mistress, but also as a check on the nlcated, he conveyed a caution of the same conduct of the governante, with promise of nature to Mrs Hornbeck, as he led her to ample reward, if ever he should discover any her apartment; and darkness and silence no sinister or suspicious practices in the course sooner prevailed in the house, than he and of her behaviour. As for the footman whom his trusty squire set out on their different they had brought from England, he was revoyages. Every thing would have succeeded tained in attendance upon the person of his according to their wish, had not the valet de master, whose confidence he had lost, by adchambre suffered himself to fall asleep at the vising him to gentle methods of reclaiming side of his inamorata, and, in the agitation his lady, when her irregularities had subjectof a violent dream, exclaimed, in a voice so ed her to his wrath. unlike that of her supposed adorer, that she The Flemish valet, in consequence of the distinguished the difference at once. Waking office he had undertaken, wrote to Hornbeck him with a pinch and a loud shriek, she by the first post, giving an exact detail of threatened to prosecute him for a rape, and the adventure at Versailles, with such a dereviled him with all the epithets her rage scription of the pretended brother, as left the and disappointment could suggest. husband no room to think he could be any The Frenchman, finding himself detected, other person than his first dishonourer, and behaved with great temper and address: he exasperated him to such a degree, that he begged she would compose herself, on ac- resolved to lay an ambush for this invader, count of her own reputation, which was and at once disqualify him from disturbing extremely dear to him; protesting, that he his repose, by maintaining further correshad a most inviolable esteem for her person. pondence with his wife. His representations had weight with the Meanwhile, the lovers enjoyed themselves duenna, who, upon recollection, comprehend- without restraint; and Peregrine's plan of ed the whole affair,'and thought it would be inquiry after his dear unknown was for the her interest to bring matters to an accom- present postponed. His fellow-travellers modation. She, therefore, admitted the apo- were confounded at his mysterious motions, logies of her bedfellow,- provided he would which filled the heart of Jolter with anxiety promise to atone by marriage for the injury and terror. This careful conductor was she had sustained; and in this particular, he fraught with such experience of his pupil's set her heart at ease by repeated vows, disposition, that he trembled with the apprewhich he uttered with surprising volubility, hension of some sudden accident, and lived though without any intention to perform in continual alarm, like a man that walks the least tittle of their contents. under the wall of a nodding tower., Nor did Peregrine, who had been alarmed by her he enjoy any alleviation of his fears, when, exclamation, and run over to the door with a upon telling the young gentleman, that the view of interposing, according to the emer- rest of the company were desirous of degency of the case, hearing the affair thus parting for Antwerp, he answered, that they compromised, returned to his mistress, who were at liberty to consult their own incliwas highly entertained with an account of nations; but, for his own part, he was resolvwhat had passed, foreseeing, that, for the ed to stay in Brussels a few days longer. future, she should be under no difficulty or By this declaration the governor was conrestriction from the severity of her guard. firmed in the opinion of his having some intrigue upon the anvil. In the bitterness of his vexation, he took the liberty of signifying CHAPTER LX. his suspicion, and reminding him of the dangerous dilemmas to which he had been reHornbeck is informed of his wife's adven- duced by his former precipitation. ture with Peregrine, for whom he pre- Peregrine took his caution in good part, pares a stratagem, which is rendered in- and promised to behave with such circumeffectual by the information of Pipes- spection as would screen him from any the husband duckedfor his intention, and troublesome consequences for the future; our hero apprehended by the patrole. but nevertheless, behaved that same evening in such a manner, as plainly showed that THERE was another person, however, still his prudence was nothing else than vain speungained; and that was no other than her culation. He had made an appointment to footman, whose secrecy our hero attempted spend the night, as usual, with Mrs Hornto secure in the morning by a handsome pre- beck; and, about nine o'clock, hastened to sent, which he received with many profess- her lodgings, when he was accosted in the ADVENTURES OF PEREGRINE PICKLE. 165 street by his old discarded friend Thomas unaware. But when they had tarried a con Pipes, who, without any other preamble, told siderable time in that corner, without reaphim, that, for all he had turned him adrift, he ing the fruits of their expectation, their leaddid not chuse to see him run full sail into his er, persuaded that the gallant had gained adenemy's harbour, without giving him timely mittance by some secret means, approached notice of the danger. " I'll tell you what," the door with his followers, who, according said he, "mayhap you think I want to curry to the instructions they had received, no favour, that I may be taken in tow again; if sooner saw it open than they rushed in, leavyou do, you have made a mistake in your ing their employer in the street, where he reckoning. I am old enough to be laid up, thought his person would be least endangerand have wherewithal to keep my planks ed. Our adventurer, seeing him all alone, adfrom the weather. But this here is the affair; vanced with speed, and, clapping a pistol to I have known you since you were no higher hiis breast, commanded him to follow his footthan a marlinspike, and should'nt care to see steps, without noise, on pain of immediate you deprived of your rigging at these years; death. whereby, I am informed by Hornbeck's man, Terrified at this sudden apparition, Hornwhom I this afternoon fell in witht by chance, beck obeyed in silence; and, in a few mias how his master has got intelligence of nutes, they arrived at the quay, where Pickle, yourboardinghis wife, and has steered private- halting, gave him to understand that he was ly into this port, with a large complement no stranger to his villanous design-told him, of hands, in order, d'ye see, to secure you. that if he conceived himself injured by any while you are under the hatches. Now, if circumstance of his conduct, he would' now so be'as how you have a mind to give him a give him an opportunity of resenting the salt eel for his supper, here am I, without wrong, in a manner becoming a man of honhope of fee or reward, ready to stand by you. our. "You have a sword about you," said as long as my timbers will stick together; and he, "or, if you don't chuse to put the affair if I expect any recompense, mav I be bound on that issue, here is a brace of pistols, take to eat oakum and drink bilgewater for life." which you please." Such an address could Startled at this information, Peregrine ex- not fail to disconcert a man of his character. amined him upon the particulars of his dis- After some hesitation, he, in a faultering accourse with the lacquey; and when he under- cent, denied that his design was to mutilate stood that Hornbeck's intelligence flowed Mr Pickle, but that he thought himself enfrom the canal of his Flemish footman, he be- titled to the benefit of the law, by which he lieved every circumstance of Tom's report, would have obtained a divorce, if he could thanked him for this warning, and, after hav- have procured evidence of his wife's infideling reprimanded him for his misbehaviour at ity; and, with that view, he had employed Lisle, assured him that it should be his own people to take advantage of the information fault if ever they should part again. He then he had received. With regard to this' alterdeliberated with himself whether or not he native, he declined it entirely, because he should retort the purpose upon his adversary; could not see what satisfaction he should enbut when he considered that Hornbeck was joy, in being shot through the head, or rut not the aggressor, and made that unhappy through the lungs, by a person who had' alhusband's case his own, he could not help ready wronged him in an irreparable manacquitting his intention of revenge, though, ner. Lastly, his fear made him propose, that in his opinion, it ought to have been execut- the affair should be left to the arbitration of ed in a more honourable manner; and there- two creditable men, altogether unconcerned fore he determined to chastise him for his in the dispute. want of spirit. Nothing, surely, can be more To these remonstrances, Peregrine replied insolent and unjust than this determination, in the style of a hot-headed young man, which induced him to punish a person for his conscious of his own unjustifiable behaviour, want of courage to redress the injury which that every gentleman ought to be a judge of he himself had done to his reputation and his own honour, and therefore he would subpeace; and yet this barbarity of'decision is mit to the decision of no umpire whatsoever; authorised by the opinion and practice of that he would forgive his want of courage, mankind. which might be a natural infirmity, but his With these sentiments, he returned to the mean dissimulation he' could not pardon: inn, and, putting a pair of pistols in his pock- that, as he was certified of the rascally intent et, ordered his valet de chambre and Pipes of his ambuscade, by undoubted intelligence, to follow him at a small distance, so as that he would treat him, not with a retaliation of they should be within call in case of necessi- his own treachery, but such indignity as a ty, and then posted himself within thirty scoundrel deserves to suffer, unless he would yards of his Dulcinea's door. There he had make one effort to maintain the character he not been above half an hour, when he per- assumed in life. So saying, he again precelved four men take their station on the sented his pistols, which being rejected as other side, with a view, as he guessed, to before, he called his two ministers, and or watch for his going in, that he might be taken dered them to duck him in the canal. 166 SMOLLETT'S SELECT WORKS. This command was pronounced and exe- OvUR hero, understanding, from some excuted almost in the same breath, to the un- pressions which escaped the prince, that he speakable terror and disorder of the poor was considered in the light of a sharpe: and shivering patient, who, having undergone the assassin, begged that he might have tha libimmersion, ran about like a drowned rat, erty of sending for some vouchers, that would squeaking for assistance and revenge. His probably vindicate his character from the macries were overheard by the patrole, who, licious aspersions of his adversary. This chancing to pass that way, took him under permission being granted, he wrote a letter their protection, and, in consequence of his to his governor, desiring that he would bring.complaint and information, went in pursuit to him the letters of recommendation which of our adventurer and his attendants, who he had received from the British ambassador were soon overtaken and surrounded. Rash at Paris, and such other papers as he thought and inconsiderate as the young gentleman conducive to evince the importance of his was, he did not pretend to stand on the situation. defensive against a file of musketeers, al- The billet was given in charge to one of though Pipes had drawn his cutlass at their the subaltern officers on duty, who carried it approach, but surrendered himself without to the inn, and demanded to speak with Mr opposition, and was conveyed to the main Jolter. Pallet, who happened to be at the guard, where the commanding officer, engag- door when this messenger arrived, and heard ed by his appearance and address, treated him inquire for the tutor, ran directly to that him with all imaginable respect. Hearing gentleman's apartment, and, in manifest disthe particulars of his adventure, he assured order, told him that a huge fellow of a soldier, him that the prince would consider the whole with a monstrous pair of whiskers, and a fur as a tour dejeunesse, and order him to be re- cap as big as a bushel, was asking for him at leased without delay. the door. The poor governor began to shake Next morning, when this gentleman gave at this intimation, though he was not conin his report, he made such a favourable re- scious of having committed any thing that presentation of the prisoner, that our hero was could attract the attention of the state. on the point of being discharged, when Horn- When the officer appeared at his chamberbeck preferred a complaint, accusing him of door, his confusion increased to such a dea purposed assassination, and praying that gree, that his perception seemed to vanish, such punishment should be inflicted upon and the subaltern repeated the purport of his him as his highness should think adequate to errant three times, before he could comprethe nature of the crime. The prince, per- hend his meaning, or venture to receive thL.plexed with this petition, in consequence of letter which he presented. At length he which he foresaw that he must disoblige a summoned all his fortitude, and having peBritish subject, sent for the plaintiff, of whom rused the epistle, his terror sunk into anxiety. he had some knowledge, and in person ex- His ingenious fear immediately suggested horted him to drop the prosecution, which that Peregrine was confined in a dungeon, would only serve to propagate his own shame. for some outrage he had committed. He But Hornbeck was too much incensed to ran with great agitation to a trunk, and, taklisten to any proposal of that kind, and pe- ing out a bundle of papers, followed his conremptorily demanded justice against the pris- ductor, being attended by the painter, to oner, whom he represented as an obscure whomhe had hinted his apprehension. When adventurer, who had made repeated attempts they passed through the guard, which was upon his honour and his life. Prince Charles under arms, the hearts of both died within told him, that what he had advised was in them; and when they came into the prethe capacity of a friend; but, since he insist- sence, there was such an expression of awful ed upon his acting as a magistrate, the affair horror on the countenance of Jolter, that the should be examined, and determined accord- prince, observing his dismay, was pleased to ing to the dictates of justice and truth. encourage him with an assurance that he had The petitioner being dismissed with this nothing to fear. Thus comforted, he recolpromise, the defendant was, in his turn, lected himself so well as to understand his brought before the judge, whose preposses- pupil, when he desired him to produce the sion in his favour was in a great measure ambassador's letters; some of which being weakened by what his antagonist had said to open, were immediately read by his highthe prejudice of his birth and reputation. ness, who was personally acquainted with the writer, and knew several of the noblemen to whom they were addressed. These CHAPTER LXI. recommendations were so warm, and represented the young gentleman in such an adPeregrine is released-Jolter confounded vantageous light, that the prince, convinced at his mysterious conduct —a contest hap- of the injustice his character had suffered by pens between the poet and painter, who the misrepresentation of Hornbeck, took our are reconciled by the mediation of their hero by the hand, asked pardon for the doubts fellow-travellers. he had entertained of his honour, declared ADVENTURES OF PEREGRINE PICKLE. 167 him from that moment at liberty, ordered his agreeably disturbed, started up in a passion, domestics to be enlarged, and offered him his and opening the door, no sooner perceived countenance and protection as long as he who had interrupted him, than he flung it in should remain in the Austrian Netherlands. his face with great fury, and cursed him for At the same time he cautioned him against his impertinent intrusion, which had deprivindiscretion in the course of his gallantries; ed him of the most delightful vision that ever and took his word and honour, that he should regaled the human fancy. He imagined (as drop all measures of resenltment against the he afterwards imparted to Peregrine), that, person of Hornbeck during his residence in as he enjoyed himself in walking through the that place. flowery plain that borders on Parnassus, he The delinquent, thus honourably acquitted, was met by a venerable sage, whom, by a thanked the prince, in the most respectful certain divine vivacity that lightened from his manner, for his generosity and candour, and eyes, he instantly knew to be the immortal retired with his two friends, who were amaz- Pindar. He was immediately struck with ed and bewildered in their thoughts at what reverence and awe, and prostrated himself they had seen and heard, the whole adven- before the apparition, which, taking him by ture still remaining without the sphere of the hand, lifted him gently from the ground, their comprehension, which was not at all and, with words more sweet than the honey enlarged by the unaccountable appearance of the Hybla bees, told him, that of all the of Pipes, who, with the valet de chambre, moderns, he alone was visited by that celesjoined them at the castle gate. Had Jolter tial impulse by which he himself had been inbeen a man of luxuriant imagination, his brain spired, when he produced his'most applaudwould undoubtedly have suffered in the in- ed odes. So saying, he led him up the savestigation of his pupil's mysterious conduct, cred hill, persuaded him to drink a copious which he strove in vain to unravel; but his draught of the waters of the Hippocrene, and intellects were too solid to be affected by the then presented him to the harmonious nine, miscarriage of his invention; and as Pere- who crowned his temples with a laurel wreath. grine did not think proper to make him ac- No wonder that he was enraged to find quainted with the cause of' his being appre- himself cut off from such sublime society. hended, he contented himself with supposing He raved in Greek against the invader, who that there was a lady in the case. was so big with his own purpose, that, unThe painter, whose imagination was of a mindful of the disgrace he had sustained, and more flimsy texture, formed a thousand chi- disregarding all the symptoms of the physimercial conjectures, which he communicated cian's displeasure, he applied his mouth to to Pfckle, in imperfect insinuations, hoping, the door, in an eager tone. "I'll hold you by his answers and behaviour, to discover any wager," said he, " that I guess the true the truth; but the youth, in orderto tantalize cause of'Mr Pickle's imprisonment." To him, eluded all his inquiries, with such ap- this challenge hereceived noreply, and therepearance of industry and art, as heightened fore repeated it, adding, " I suppose you imahis curiosity, while it disappointed his aim, gine he was taken up for fighting a duel, or and inflamed him to such a degree of impa- affronting a nobleman, or lying with some tieice, that his wits began to be unsettled. man's wife, or some such matter; but, egad! Then Peregrine was fain to recompose his you was never more mistaken in your life; brain, by telling him, in confidence, that he and I'll lay my Cleopatra against your Hohad been arrested as a spy. This secret he mer's head, that in four-and-twenty hours found more intolerable than his former un- you shan't light on the true reason." certainty; he ran from one apartment to an- The favourite of the Muses, exasperated other, like a goose in the agonies of egg-lay- at this vexatious perseverance of the painter, ing, with intention of disburdening this im- who, he imagined, had come to teaze and inportant load; but Jolter being engaged with sult him, "I would," said he, "sacrifice a his pupil, and all the people of the house ig- cock to _Esculapius, were I assured that any norant of the only language he could speak, person had been'taken up for extirpating such he was compelled, with infinite reluctance, to a troublesome Goth as you are from the face address himself to the doctor, who was at of the earth. As for your boasted Cleopatra, that time shut up in his own chamber. Hav- which you say was drawn from your own ing knocked at the door to no purpose, he wife, I believe the copy has as much of the peeped through the keyhole, and saw the to kalon as the original; but, were it mine, physician sitting at a table with a pen in one it should be hung up in the temple of Cloahand, and a paper before him, his head re- cina, as the picture of that goddess; for any clined upon his other hand, and his eyes fix- other apartment would be' disgraced by its ed upon the ceiling, as if he had been en- appearance." "' Hark ye, Sir," replied Paltranced. Pallet concluding that he was un- let, enraged in his turn at the contemptuous der the power of some convulsion, endea- mention of his darling performance, " you voured to force the door open; and the noise may make as free with my wife as you think of his efforts recalled the doctor'from his rev- proper, but'ware my works; those are the crie. This poetical republican, being so dis- children of my fancy, conceived by the g:ow 168 SMOLLETT'S SELECT WORKS. ing imagination, and formed by the art of my twixt two fellow-citizens, in a foreign land, own hands; and you yourself are a Goth, he begged to know the cause of their disand a Turk, and a Tartar, and an impudent sension, and offered his good offices towards pretending jackanapes, to treat with such an accommodation. Peregrine also, seeing disrespect a production, which, in the the fray was finished, expressed himself to opinion of all the connoisseurs of the age, the same purpose; and the painter, for obviwill, when finished, be a master piece in its ous reasons, declining an explanation, his kind, and do honour to human genius and antagonist told the youth what a mortifying skill. So I say again and again, (and I care interruption he had suffered by the impertinot though your friend Playtor heard me), nent intrusion of Pallet, and gave him a that you have no more taste than a drayman's detail of the particulars of his vision, as horse, and that those foolish notions of the above recited. The arbiter owned the proancients ought to be drubbed out of you with vocation was not to be endured; and decreed, a good cudgel, that you might learn to treat that the offender should mnake some atonemen of parts with more veneration. Per- ment for his transgression. Upon which the haps you may not always be in the company painter observed, that, however he might of one who will halloo for assistance when have been disposed to make acknowledgyou are on the brink of being chastised for ments, if the physician had signified his disyour insolence, as I did, when you brought pleasure like a gentleman, the complainant upon yourself the resentment of that Scot, had now forfeited all claim to any such conwho, by the Lard! would have paid you both cessions, by the vulgar manner in which he scot and lot, as Falstaff says, if the French had reviled him and his productions; observofficer had not put him in arrest." ing, that, if he (the painter) had been inThe physician, to this declamation, which clined to retort his slanderous insinuations, was conveyed through the key hole, answer- the republican's own works would have afed, that he (the painter) was a fellow so in- forded ample subject for his ridicule and finitely below his consideration, that his con- censure. science upbraided him with no action of his After divers disputes and representations, life, except that of chusing such a wretch peace was at length concluded, on condition, for his companion and fellow-traveller; that that, for the future, the doctor should never he had viewed his character through the mention Cleopatra, unless he could say medium of good-nature and compassion, something in her praise; and that Pallet, in which had prompted him to give Pallet an consideration of his having been the first opportunity of acquiring some new ideas aggressor, should make a sketch of the phyunder his immediate instruction; but he had sician's vision, to be engraved and prefixed abused his goodness and condescension in to the next edition of his odes. such a flagrant manner, that he was now determined to discard him entirely from his acquaintance'; and desired him, for the present, CHAPTER LXII. to take himself away, on pain of being kicked for his presumption. The travellers depart for Antwerp, at which Pallet was too much incensed to be in- place the painter gives a loose to his entimidated by this threat, which he retorted thusiasm. with great violence, defying him to come forth, that it might appear which of them OuR adventurer, baffled in all his efforts to was best skilled in that pedestrian exercise, retrieve his lost Amanda, yielded at length which he immediately began to practise to the remonstrances of his governor and against the door, with such thundering appli- fellow-travellers, who, out of pure complaication, as reached the ears of Pickle and his sance to him, had exceeded their intended governor, who, coming out into the passage, stay by six days at least; and a couple of and seeing him thus employed, asked if he post-chaises, with three riding horses, being had forgot the chamber-pots of Alost, that hired, they departed from Brussels in the he ventured to behave in such a manner, as morning, dined at Mechlin, and arrived about entitled him to a second prescription of the eight in the evening at the venerable city of same nature. Antwerp. During this day's journey, Pallet The doctor, understanding that there was was elevated to an uncommon flow of spirits, company at hand, opened the door in a with the prospect of seeing the birth-place twinling; and, springing upon his antago- of Rubens, for whom he professed an ennist like a tiger, a fierce contention would thusiastic admiration. He swore, that the have ensued, to the infinite satisfaction of pleasure he felt was equal to that of a Musour hero, had not Jolter, to the manifest sulman, on the last day of his pilgrimage to peril of his own person, interposed, and, Mecca; and that he already considered him. partly by force, and partly by exhortations, self a native of Antwerp, being so intimately put a stop to the engagement before it was acquainted with their so justly boasted citifairly began. After having demonstratedthe zen, from whom, at certain junctures, he indecency of such a vulgar rencounter be- could not help believing himself derived, ADVENTURES OF PEREGRINL PICKLE. 169 because his own pencil adopted the manner which put an end to the dispute, and attractof that great man with surprising facility, ed the notice of the inhabitants, many of and his face wanted nothing but a pair of whom, by shrugging up their shoulders, and whiskers and a beard to exhibit the express pointing to their foreheads, gave shrewd inimage of the Fleming's countenance. He dications that they believed him a poor gentold them, he was so proud of this resem- tleman disordered in his brain. blance, that, in order to render it more They had no sooner alighted at the inn, striking, he had, at one time of his life, re- than this pseudo-enthusiast proposed to visit solved to keep his face sacred from the the great church, in which he had been inrazor; and in that purpose had persevered, formed some of his master's pieces were to notwithstanding the continual reprehensions be seen; and was remarkably chagrined, of Mrs Pallet, who, being then with child, when he understood that he could not be adsaid, his aspect was so hideous, that she rmitted till next day. He rose next morning dreaded a miscarriage every hour, until she by day-break, and disturbed his fellow-travelthreatened, in plain terms, to dispute the lers in such a noisy and clamorous manner, sanity of his intellects, and apply to the that Peregrine determined to punish him with chancellor for a committee. some new infliction; and while he put on The doctor, on this occasion, observed, his clothes, actually formed the plan of prothat a man who is not proof against the soli- moting a duel between him and the doctor, citations of a woman, can never expect to in the management of which he promised make a great figure in life; that painters and himself store of entertainment, from the bepoets ought to cultivate no wives but the haviour of both. mluses:or9, if they are, by-theaccidents of Being provided with one of those dofortffie, encumbered with families, they mestics who are always in waiting to offer should carefully guard against thatpernicious their services to strangers on their first arweakness, falsely honoured with the appel- rival, they were conducted to the house of a lation of natural affection, and pay no gentleman who had an.excellent collection:ianner of regard to the impertinent customs of pictures; and, though the greatest part of the world. 1' Granting that you had been, of them were painted by his favourite artist, for a short time, deemed a lunatic," said he,. Pallet condemned them all by the lump, be"you might have acquitted yourself honour- cause Pickle had told him beforehand, that ably of that imputation, by some performance there was not one performance of Rubens that would have raised your character above among the number. all censure. Sophocles himself, that cele- The next place they visited, was what brated tragic poet, who, for the sweetness of they called the academy of painting, furnishhis versification, was styled melitta, or the ed with a number of paltry pieces, in which bee, in his old age suffered the same accusa- our painter recognized the style of Peter tion from his own children, who, seeing him Paul, with many expressions of admiration, neglect his family affairs, and devote himself on the same sort of previous intelligence. entirely to poetry, carried him before the From this repository they went to the magistrate, as a man whose intellects were great church; and being led to the tomb of so much impaired by the infirmities of age, Rubens, the whimsical painter fell upon his that he was no longer fit to manage his do- knees, and worshipped with such appearance mestic concerns; upon which the reverend of devotion, that the attendant, scandalized bard produced his tragedy of Oedipus epi at his superstition, pulled him up, observing, kolono, as a work he had just finished; with great warmth, that the person buried in which being perused, instead of being declar- that place was no saint, but as great a sined unsound of understanding, he was dis- ner as himself; and that, if he was spiritually missed with admiration and applause. I wish disposed, there was a chapel of the blessed your beard and whiskers had been sanctioned Virgin, at the distance of three yards, on the by the like authority; though I am afraid right hand, to which he might retire. He you would have been in the predicament of thought it was incumbent upon him to manithose disciples of a certain philosopher, who fest some extraordinary inspiration, while he drank decoctions of cumminseeds, that their resided on the spot where Rubens was born; faces might adopt the paleness of their and therefore his whole behaviour was an afmaster's complexion, hoping that, in being fectation of rapture, expressed in distracted as wan, they would be as learned as their exclamations, convulsive starts, and uncouth teacher." The painter, stung with this gesticulations. In the midst of his frantic sarcasm, replied, "Or like those virtuosi,' behaviour, he saw an old capuchin, with a who, by repeating Greek, eating sillykickaby, -white beard, mount the pulpit, and hold forth and pretending to see visions, think they to the congregation with such violence of equal the ancients in taste and genius." The emphasis and gesture as captivated his fancy; physician retorted, Pallet rejoined, and the and, bawling aloud, "Zounds! what an exaltercation continued until they entered the cellent Paul preaching at Athens!" he pulled gates of Antwerp, when the admirer of Ru- a pencil and a small memorandum-book from bens broke forth into a rapturous exclamation, his pocket, and began to take a sketch of W _j70 SMOLLETT'S SELECT WORKS. the orator, with great eagerness and agita- with many expressions of grief and resent. tion, saying, " Egad! friend Raphael, we ment, that he had lost his common-place shall see whether you or I have got the best book, in which he had preserved a thousand knack at trumping up an apostle." This ap- conceptions of the same sort, formed by the pearance of disrespect gave offence to the accidental objects of his senses and imaginaaudience, who began to murmur against this tion; and took an opportunity of telling his heretic libertine; when one of the priests be- fellow-travellers, that in execution he had longing to the choir, in order to prevent any equalled, if not excelled, the two ancient ill consequences from their displeasure, came painters who vied with each other in repreand told him in the, French language, that sentation of a curtain and a bunch of grapes; such liberties were not permitted in their for he had exhibited the image of a certain religion, and advised him to lay aside his im- object so like to nature, that the bare sight plements, lest the people should take um- of it set a whole hog-sty in an uproar. brage at his design, and be provoked to pun- When he had examined and applauded ish him as a profane scoffer at their worship. all the productions of this minute artist, they The painter, seeing himself addressed by returned to the great church, and were entera friar, who, while he spoke, bowed with tained with the view of that celebrated masgreat complaisance, imagined that he was terpiece of Rubens, in which he had introa begging brother come to supplicate his duced the portraits of himself and his whole charity; and his attention being quite en- family. The doors that conceal this capital grossed by the design he'was making, he performance were no sooner unfolded, than patted the priest's shaven crown with his our enthusiast, debarred the use of speech, hand, saying, oter tems, oter tems, and then by a previous covenant with his friend Pickle, resumed his pencil with great earnestness. lifted up his hands and eyes, and putting The ecclesiastic, perceiving that the stran- himself in the attitude of Hamlet, when his ger did not comprehend his meaning, pulled father's ghost appears, adored in silent ec. *'him by the sleeve, and explained himself in stasy and awe. He even made a merit of:the Latin tongue; upon which- Pallet, pro- necessity; and, when they had withdrawn voked at his intrusion, cursed him aloud for from the place, protested that his whole facan impudent beggarly son of a wi-, and, ulties were swallowed up in love and admitaking out a shilling, flung it upon the pave- ration. ment, with manifest signs of indignation. He now professed himself more than Some ofthe common people, enraged to see ever enamoured of the Flemish school, ravtheir religion contemn ed, and their priests ed in extravagant encomiums, and proposed insulted at the very altar,' rose fiom their that the whole company should pay homage seats and surrounding the astonished painter, to the memory of the divine Rubens, by reone of the number snatched his book from pairing forthwith to the house in'which he,his hand, and tore it in a thousand pieces. lived, and prostrating themselves on the floor Frightened as he was, he could not help cry- of his painting room. ing, "Fire and faggots! all my favourite ideas As there was nothing remarkable in the are gone to wreck!" and was in danger of tenement, which had been rebuilt more than being very roughly handled by the crowd, had once since the death of that great man, Per-'not Peregrine stepped in, and assured them, egrine excused himself from complying with that he was a poor unhappy gentleman, who the proposal, on pretence of being fatigued laboured under a transport of the brain. with the circuit they had already performerd,Those who understood the French language Jolter declined it for the same reason; and communicated this information to the rest, the question being put to the doctor, he reso that he escaped without any other chas- fused his company with an air of disdain. tisement than being obliged to retire. And Pallet, piqued at his contemptuous manner, as they could not see the famous descent asked if he would not go and see the habitafrom the cross till after the service was fin- tion of Pindoor, provided he was in the city isihed, they were conducted by their domestic where that poet lived? and when the physito the house of a painter, where they found cian observed, that there was an infinite dif*a beggar standing for his picture, and the ar- ferencebetween the men-" That I'll allow," tist actually employed in representing a huge replied the painter " for the devil a poet ever louse that crawled upon his shoulder. Pallet lived in Greece or Troy, that was worthy to was wonderfully pleased with this circurn- clean the pencils of our beloved Rubens." stance, which he said was altogether a new The physician could not, withany degree of thought,: and an excellent hint, of which he temper and forbearance, hear this outrageous would make his advantage; and in the course blasphemy, for which, he said, Pallet's eves of his survey of this Fleming's performance, ought to be picked out by owls: and the disperceiving a piece in which two flies were pute arose, as usual, to such scurrilities of engaged upon the carcase of a dog half de- language, and indecency of behaviour, that youred, he ran to his brother brush, and swore passengers began to take notice of their anihe'was worthy of being a fellow-citizen of mosity, and Peregrine was obliged to interhe immortal Rubens. He then lamented, pose for his own credit. ADVENTURES OF PEREGRINE PICKLE. 171 Pickle to be the bearer of a challenge, which CHAPTER LXIII. he would instantly commit to writing. The mischievous fomenter highly applaudPeregrine artfully foments a quarrel be- ed this manifestation of courage, by which tween Pallet and the physician, who fight he was at liberty to cultivate his friendship a duel on the ramparts. and society, but declined the office of carrying the billet, that his tenderness of PalTIIE painter betook himself to the house of let's reputation might not be misinterpreted the Flemish Raphael, and the rest of the into an officious desire of promoting quarcompany went back to their lodgings, where rels. At the same time he recommended the young gentleman, taking the advantage Tom Pipes, not only as a very proper mesof being alone with the physician, recapitu- senger on this occasion, but also as a trusty lated all the affronts he had sustained from second in the field. The magnanimous the painter's petulance, aggravating every painter took his advice, and, retiring to circumstance of the disgrace, and advising his chamber, penned a challenge in these him, in the capacity of a friend, to take care terms.of his honour, which could not fail to suffer "SIR:- When I am heartily provoked, I in the opinion of the world, if he allowed fear not the devil himself; much less-I will himself to be insulted with impunity by one not call you a pedantic coxcomrnb, nor an unso much his inferior in every degree of con- mannerly fellow, because these are the hypsideration. pythets of the wulgar: but, remember, such The physician assured him that Pallet had as you are, I nyther love you nor fear you; hitherto escaped chastisement, by being but, on the contrary, expect satisfaction for deemed an object unworthy his resentment, your audacious behaviour to me on divers and in consideration of the wretch's family, occasions; and will, this evening, in the for which his compassion was interested; twilight, meet you on the ramparts with but that repeated injuries would inflame the sword and pistol, where the Lord have mercy most benevolent disposition; and although he on the soul of one of us, for your body shall could find no precedent of duelling among find no favour with your incensed defier, till the Greeks and Romans, whom he consider- death. LAYMAN PALLET.," ed as the patterns of demeanour, Pallet This resolute defiance, after having been should no longer avail himself of his venera- submitted to the perusal, and honoured with tion for the ancients, but be punished for the the approbation, of our youth, was commitvery next offence he should commit. ted to the charge of Pipes, who, according Having thus spirited up the doctor to a to his orders, delivered it in the afternoon; resolution from which he could not decently and brought for answer, that the physician swerve, our adventurer acted the incendiary would attend him at the appointed time and with the other party also; giving him to place. The challenger was evidently disunderstand, that the physician treated his composed at the unexpected news of this character with such contempt, and behaved acceptance, and ran about the house in great to him with such insolence, as no gentleman disorder, in quest of Peregrine, to beg his ought to bear: that, for his own part, he furthe: advice and assistance; but underwas every day put out of countenance by standing that the youth was engaged in pritheir mutual animosity, which appeared in vate with his adversary, he began to suspect nothing but vulgar expressions, more be- some collusion, and cursed himself for his coming shoe-boys and oyster-women than folly and precipitation. lie even entertained men of honour and education; and therefore some thoughts of retracting his invitation, he should be obliged, contrary to his incli- and submitting to the triumph of his antanation, to break off all correspondence with gonist: but before he would stoop to this them both, if they would not fall upon some opprobrious condescension, he resolved to method to retrieve the dignity of their cha- try another expedient, which might be the racters. means of saving both his character and perThese representations would have had son. In this hope he visited Mr Jolter, and little effect upon the timidity of the painter, very gravely desired he would be so good as who was likewise too much of a Grecian to to undertake the office of his second in a approve of single combat, in any other way duel which he was to fight that evening with than that of boxing, an exercise in which he the physician. was well skilled, had they not been accom- The governor, instead of answering his panied with an insinuation, that his anta- expectation, in expressing fear and concern. gonist was no Hector, and that lie might and breaking forth into exclamations of', humble him into any concession, without "Good God! gentlemen! what d'ye mean. running the least personal risk. Animated You shall not murder one another while it is by this assurance, our second Rubens set in. my power to prevent your purpose. I the trumpet of defiance to his mouth, swore will go directly to the governor of the place, he valued not his life a rush, when his who shall interpose his authority." I say, honour was concerned, and entreated Mr instead of these and other friendly menacea 15 172 SMOLLETT'S SELECT WORKS. of -prevention, Jolter heard the proposal with cent, " methinks the doctor was in a pestilent the most phlegmatic tranquillity, and excused hurry with that message of his. " Ey, ey," himself from accepting the honour he' in- answered Tom, " I do suppose he longs to tended for him, on account of his character be foul of you." "What!" replied the other, and situation, which would not permit him " d'ye think he thirsts after my blood!" to be concerned in any such rencounters. "To be sure a does," (said Pipes, thrusting Indeed this mortifying reception was owing a large quid of tobacco into his cheek with to a previous hint from Peregrine, who, great deliberation). " If that be the case," dreading some sort of interruption from his cried Pallet, beginning to shake, "he is no governor, had made him acquainted with his better than a cannibal, and no christian design, and assured him, that the affair ought to fight him on equal footing." Tom should not be brought to any dangerous observing his emotion, eyed, him with a issue. frown of indignation, saying, "6You an't Thus disappointed, the dejected challenger afraid, are you 3" " God forbid!" replied the was overwhelmed with perplexity and dis- challenger, stammering with fear, "What may; and, in the terrors of death or muti- should I be afraid of? the worst he can do is lation, resolved to deprecate the wrath of to take my life, and then he'll be answerable his enemy, and conform to any submission both to God and man for the murder: Don't he should propose, when he was accidentally you think he will?" "I think no such matencountered by our adventurer, who, with ter," answered the second: " If so be as how demonstrations of infinite satisfaction, told he puts a brace of bullets through your bows, him, in confidence, that his billet had thrown and kills you fairly, it is no more murder the doctor into an agony of consternation; than if I was to bring down a noddy from that his acceptance of his challenge was a the main-top-sail-yard." By this time Palmere effort of despair, calculated to con- let's teeth chattered with such violence, that found the ferocity of the sender, and dispose he could scarce pronounce this reply. —"Mr him to listen to terms of accommodation; Thomas, you seem to make very light of a that he had imparted the letter to him, with man's life; but I trust in the Almighty I fear and trembling, on pretence of engaging shall not be so easily brought down. Sure him as a second, but, in reality, with a view many a man has fought a duel without losing of obtaining his good offices in promoting a his life. Do you imagine that I run such a reconciliation; "but perceiving the situation hazard of falling by the hand of my adof his mind," added our hero, "I thought it versary 3" "You may or you may not," would be more for your honour to baffle his said the unconcerned Pipes, "just as it hapexpectation, and therefore I readily under- pens. What then! death is a debt that took the task of attending him to the field, every man owes, according to the song; and in full assurance that he will there humble if you set foot to foot, I think one of you himself before you, even to prostration. In must go to pot." "Foot to foot!" exclaimthis security you may go and prepare your ed the terrified painter, " that's downright arms,':nd bespeak the assistance of Pipes, butchery; and I'll be damn'd before I fight who will squire you to the field, while.; keep any man on earth in such a barbarous way. myself up, that our correspondence may not What! d'ye take me to be a savage beast!" De suspected by the physician." Pallet's This declaration he made while they ascendspirits, that were sunk to dejection, rose at ed the ramparts. His attendant, perceiving this encouragement to all the insolence of the physician and his second at the distance triumph; he again declared his contempt of of an hundred paces before them, gave him *danger; and his pistols being loaded and notice of their appearance, and advised him'accommodated with new flints, by his trusty to make ready, and behave like a man. Palarmour bearer, he waited, without flinching, let in vain endeavoured to conceal his panic, for the hour of battle. which discovered itself in an universal trepiOn the first approach of twilight, some- dation of body, and the lamentable tone in body knocked at his door, and Pipes having which he answered this exhortation of Pipes, opened it at his desire, he heard the voice of saying,-" I do behave like a man; but you his antagonist pronounce, —" Tell Mr Pallet, would have me act the part of a brute. —Are that I am going to the place of appointment." they coming this way?" When Tom told The painter was not a little surprised at this -him that they had faced about, and admonishanticipation, which so ill agreed with the in- ed him to advance, the nerves of his arm formation he had received from Pickle; and refused their office, he could not hold out his concern beginning to recur, he fortified his pistol, and instead of going forward, rehimself with a large bumper of brandy, treated with an insensibility of motion; till which, however, did not overcome the anxiety Pipes, placing himself in the rear, set his of his thoughts. Nevertheless, he set out own back to that of his principal, and swore vn the expedition with his second, betwixt he should not budge an inch farther in that whom and himself the following dialogue direction. passed, in their way to the ramparts.-" Mr While the valet thus tutored the painter, Pipes," said the painter with disordered ac- his' master enjoyed the terrors of the physi. ADVENTURES OF PEREGRINE PICKLE. 173 dlan, which were more ridiculous than those In the mean time, observing the hesitation of Pallet, because he was more intent upon of his antagonist, who, far from advancing, disguising them. His declaration to Pickle in seemed to recoil, and even struggle with his the morning would not suffer him to start any second, he guessed the situation of the paintobjections when he received the challenge; er's thoughts, and collecting all the manhood and finding that the young gentleman made that he possessed, seized the opportunity of no offer of mediating the af-kir, but rather profiting by his enemy's consternation. Strikcongratulated him on the occasion, when he ing his sword and pistol together, he advanccommunicated the painter's billet, all his ef- ed in a sort of trot, raising a loud howl, in forts consisted in oblique hints, and general which he repeated, in lieu of the Spartan reflections, upon the absurdity of duelling, song, part of the strophe from one of Pindar's which was first introduced among civilized Pythia, beginning with ek theon gar makanations by the barbarous IIuns and Longo- nai pasai Broteais aretais, &c. This imibards. He likewise pretended to ridicule tation of the Greeks had all the desired efthe use of fire-arms, which confounded all the fect upon the painter, who seeing the physidistinctions of skill and address, and deprived cian running towards him like a fury, with a a combatant of the opportunity of signalizing pistol in his right hand, which was extended, his personal prowess. and hearing the dreadful yell he uttered, and Pickle assented to the justness of his ob- the outlandish words he produced, was seizservations; but, at the samne time, represent- ed with an universal palsy of his limbs. He ed the necessity of complying with the cus- would have dropped down upon the ground, toms of this world (ridiculous as they were), had not Pipes supported and encouraged him on which a man's honour and reputation de- to stand upon his defence. The doctor, conpend. So that, seeing no hopes of profiting trary to his expectation, finding that he had by that artifice, the republican's agitation not flinched from the spot, though he had became more and more remarkable; and he now performed one half of his career, put in proposed, in plain terms, that they should practice the last effort, by firing his pistol, contend in armour, like the combatants of the noise of which no sooner reached the ancient days; for it was but reasonable that ears of the affrighted painter, than he rethey should practise the manner of fighting, commended his soul to God, and roared for since they adopted the disposition of those mercy with great vociferation. iron times. The republican, overjoyed at this exclamaNothing could have afforded more diver- tion, commanded him to yield, and surrender sion to our hero than the sight of two such his arms, on pain of immediate death; upon duellists cased in iron; and he wished that which he threw away his pistols and sword, he had promoted the quarrel in Brussels, in spite of all the admonitions and even where he could have hired the armour of threats of his second, who left him to his fate, Charles the V. and the valiant Duke of Par- and went up to his master, stopping his nose ma, for their accommodation; but as there with signs of loathing and abhorrence. was no possibility of furnishing them cap-a- The victor, having won the spolia opima, pee at Antwerp, he persuaded him to con- granted him his life, on condition that he form to the modern use of the sword, and would on his knees supplicate his pardon, meet the painter on his own terms; and sus- acknowledging himself inferior to his conpecting that his fear would supply him with queror in every virtue and qualification, and other excuses for declining the combat, he promise for the future to merit his favour comforted him with some distant insinua- by submission and respect. These insolent tions, to the prejudice of his adversary's terms were readily embraced by the unforcourage, which would, in all probability, eva- tunate challenger, who fairly owned, that he porate before any mischief could happen. was not at all calculated for the purposes of Notwithstanding this encouragement, he war, and that henceforth he would contend could not suppress the reluctance with which with no weapon but his pencil. He begged, he went to the field, and cast many a wish- with great humility, that Mr Pickle would ful look over his left shoulder, to see whether not think the worse of his morals. for this deor not his adversary was at his heels. When, fect of courage, which was a natural infirmity by the advice of his second, he took possess- inherited from his father, and suspend his ion of the ground, and turned about with his opinion of his talents, until he should have face to the enemy, it was not so dark but that an opportunity of contemplating the charms Peregrine could perceive the unusual pale- of his Cleopatra, which would be finished in ness of his countenance, and the sweat stand- less than three months. ing in large drops upon his forehead; nay, Our hero observed, with an affected air of there was a manifest disorder in his speech, displeasure, that no man could be justly conwhen he regretted his want of the pila and demned for being subject to the impressions parma, with which he would have made a of fear; and therefore his cowardice might rattling noise, to astonish his foe, in spring- easily be forgiven: but there was something ing forward, and singing the hymn to battle, so presumptuous, dishonest, and disingenu-. In the rrunner of the ancients. ous, in arrogating a quality to which he knew 174 SMOLLETT'S SELECT WORKS. he had not the smallest pretension, that he markable, that the greatness of the occasion could not forget his misbehaviour all at once, has raised the manner of expression above though he would condescend to cominuni- the usual simplicity and modesty of all other cate with him as formerly, in hopes of seeing ancient inscriptions." He then repeated it a reformation in his conduct. Pallet protest- with all the pomp of declamation, and signied that there was no dissimulation in the fled his hope that the French would one day case; for he was ignorant of his own weak- invade us with such an army as that which ness, until his resolution was put to the trial: Xerxes led into Greece, that it might be in he faithfully promised to demean himself, his power to devote himself, like Leonidas, during the remaining part of the tour, with to the freedom of his country. that conscious modesty and penitence which This memorable combat being thus deterbecame a person in his condition; and, for mined, and everythingthat was remarkable in the present, implored the assistance of Mr Antwerp surveyed, they sent their baggage Pipes, in disembarrassing him from the dis- down the Scheldt to Rotterdam, and set out agreeable consequence of his fear. for the same place in a post-wagon, which that same evening brought them in safety to the banks of the Maese. They put up at an EnCHAPTER LXIV. glish house of entertainment, remarkable for the modesty and moderation of the landlord; The doctor exults in his victory-they set and next morning the doctor went in person out for Rotterdam, where they are enter- to deliver letters of recommendation to two tained by two Dutch gentlemen in a Dutch gentlemen from one of his acquaintyacht, which is overturned in the Maese, ances at Paris. Neither of them happened to the manifest hazard of the painter's to be at home when he called; so that he left life-they spend the evening with their a message at their lodgings, with his address; entertainers, and next day visit a cabinet and in the afternoon they waited upon the of curiosities. company, and, after many hospitable professions, one of the two invited them to spend TOM was accordingly ordered to minister to the evening at his house. his occasions; and the conqueror, elated with Meanwhile, they had provided a pleasure his success, which he in a great measure at- yacht, in which they proposed to treat them tributed to his manner of attack, and the with an excursion upon the Maese. This hymn which be howled, told Peregrine, that being almost the only diversion that place he was now convinced of the truth of what affords, our young gentleman relished the Pindar sung in these words,-Ossa de me proposal; and, notwithstanding the remonpephileke Zeus atuzontai Boan Pieridon strances of Mr Jolter, who declined the voyaionta; for he had no sooner begun to repeat age on account of the roughness of the weathe mellifluent strains of that divine poet, ther, they went on board without hesitathan the wretch, his antagonist, was con- tion, and found a collation prepared in the founded, and his nerves unstrung. cabin. On their return to the inn, he expatiated While they tacked to and fro in the river, on the prudence and tranquillity of his own under the impulse of a mackerel breeze, the behaviour, and ascribed the consternation of physician expressed his satisfaction, and PalPalletto the remembrance of some crime that let was ravished with the entertainment. lay heavy upon his conscience; for, in his But the wind increasing, to the unspeakable opinion, a man of virtue and common sense joy of the Dutchmen, who had now an opcould not possibly be afraid of death, which portunity of showing their dexterity in the is not only the peaceful harbour that receives management of the vessel, the guests found him shattered on the tempestuous sea of life, it inconvenient to stand upon deck, and imbut also the eternal seal of his fame and glory, possible to sit below, on account of the clouds which it is no longer in his power to forfeit of tobacco smoke which rolled from the and forego. He lamented his fate, in being pipes of their entertainers, in such volumes, doomed to live in such degenerate days, as annoyed them even to the hazard of sufwhen war is become a mercenary trade; and focation. This fumigation, together with ardently wished that the day would come, the extraordinary motion of the ship, began when he should have such an opportunity of to affect the head and stomach of the painter, signalizing his courage in the cause ofliberty, who begged earnestly to be set on shore: as that of Marathon, where an handful of but the Dutch gentlemen, who had no idea of Athenians, fighting for their freedom, defeat- his sufferings, insisted, with surprising obed the whole strength of the Persian empire. stinacy of regard, upon his staying until he "Would to heaven," said he, "my muse should see an instance of the skill of their were blessed with an occasion to emulate mariners; and, bringing him on deck, comthat glorious testimony on the trophy in Cy- manded the men to carry the vessel's lee prus, erected by Cimon, for two great victo- gun-wale under water. This nicety of naviries gained on the same day over the Per- gation they instantly performed, to the adsians by sea and land; in which it is very re- miration of Pickel, the discomposure of the ADVENTURES OF PEREGRINE PICKLE. 175 doctor and terror of Pallet, who blessed him- every circumstance of his treatment, cursed self from the courtesy of a Dutchman, and the hour in which the doctor had saddled prayed to Heaven for his deliverance. them with such troublesome companions. While the Hollanders enjoyed the reputa- Next morning, by eight o'clock, these potion of this feat, and the distress of the pain- lite Hollanders returned the visit, and, after ter at the same time, the yacht was overta- breakfast, attended their English friends to ken by a sudden squall, that overset her in a the house of a person that possessed a very moment, and flung every man overboard into curious cabinet of curiosities, to which they the Maese, before they could have the least had secured our company's admission. The warning of their fate, much less time to pro- owner of this collection was a cheesemonvide against the accident. Peregrine, who ger, who received them in a woollen nightwas an expert swimmer, reached the shore cap, with straps buttoned under his chin. As in safety; the physician, in the agonies of he understood no language but his own, he despair, laid fast hold on the trunk-breeches told them, by the canal of one of their conof one of the men, who dragged. him to the ductors, that he did not make a practice of other side; the entertainers landed at the showing his curiosities; but understanding bomb-keys, smoking their pipes all the way that they were Englishmen, and recommendwith great deliberation; and the poor painter ed to his friends, was content to submit them mast have gone to the bottom, had not he to their perusal. So saying, he led them up been encountered by the cable of a ship that a dark stair, into a small room, decorated lay at anchor near the scene of their disaster. with a few paltry figures in plaster of Paris, Though his senses had forsaken him, his two or three miserable landscapes, the skins hands fastened by instinct on this providen- of an otter, seal, and some fishes stuffed; tial occurrence, which he held with such a and in one corner stood a glass-case, furconvulsive grasp, that, when a boat was sent nished with newts, frogs, lizards, and serout to bring him on shore, it was with the pents, preserved in spirits; a human fbetus, utmost difficulty that his fingers were disen- a calf with two heads, and about two dozen gaged He was carried into a house, deprived of butterflies pinned upon paper. of the ise of speech, and bereft of all sensa- The virtuoso having exhibited these partion, and, being suspended by the heels, a ticulars, eyed the strangers with a look sovast quantity of water ran out of his mouth. liciting admiration and applause; and as he This evacuation being made, he began to ut- could not perceive any symptom of either in ter dreadful groans, which gradually increas- their gestures or countenances, withdrew a ed to a continued roar; and, after he had re- curtain, and displayed a wainscot chest of gained the use of his senses, he' underwent drawers, in which he gave them to understand a delirium that lasted several hours. As for was something that would agreeably amuse the treaters, they never dreamed of express- the imagination. Our travellers., regaled with ing the least concern to Pickle or the physi- this notice, imagined that they would be encian for what had happened, because it was tertained with the sight of some curious medan accident so common as to pass without als, or other productions of antiquity; but notice. how were they disappointed, when they saw Leaving the care of the vessel to the sea- nothing but a variety of shells, disposed in men, the company retired to their respective whimsical figures, in each drawer! After lodgings, in order to shift their clothes; and he had detained them full two hours with a in the evening our travellers were conducted tedious commentary upon the shape, size and to the house of their new friend, who, with colour of each department, he, with a supera view of making his invitation the more cilious simper, desired that-the English genagreeable, had assembled to the number of tleman would frankly and candidly declare, twenty or thirt; Englishmen, of allranks and whether his cabinet or that of Mynheer degrees, from the merchant to the periwig- Sloane at London, was the most valuable. maker's'prentlce. When' this request was signified in English In the midst of this congregation stood a to the company, the painter instantly exchafing dish with live coals, for the conve- claimed, " By the Lard! they are not to be nience of lighting their pipes, and every in- named of a day: and as for that matter, I dividual was accommodated with a spitting-. would not give one corner of Saltero's coffee box. There was not a mouth in the apart- house at Chelsea for all the trash he hath ment unfurnished with a tube, so that they shown." Peregrine, unwilling to mortify resembled a congregation of chimeras breath- any person who had done his endeavour to ing fire and smoke; and our gentlemen were please him, observed, that what he had seen fain to imitate their example in their own was very curious and entertaining; but that defence. It is not to be supposed that the no private collection in Europe was equal to conversation was either very sprightly or po- that of Sir Hans Sloane, which, exclusive lite: the whole entertainment was of the of presents, had cost an hundred thousand Dutch cast, frowsy and phlegmatic; and our pounds. The two conductors were confoundadventurer as he returned to his lodging, ed at this asseveration, which beingcommutortured with the headach, and disgusted with n'icated to the cheesemonger, he shook his 15* 176 SMOLLETT'S SELECT WORKS. head with a significant grin; and, though he famous company did not represent regular did not chuse to express his incredulity in theatrical pieces, but only a sort of imwords, gave our hero to understand, that he promptus, in which this noted player always did not much depend upon his veracity. performed the greatest part of the enterFrom the house of this Dutch naturalist, tainment. Among other sallies of wit that they were dragged all round the city by the escaped him, there was one circumstance so painful civility of their attendants, who did remarkably adapted to the disposition and not quit them till the evening was well ad- genius of his audience, that it were pity to vanced, and then not till after they had pro- pass it over in silence. A windmill being mised to be with them before ten o'clock exhibited on the scene, Harlequin, after next day, in order to conduct them to a having, surveyed it with curiosity and admicountry house, situated in a pleasant village ration, asks one of the millers the use of on the other side of the river. that machine; and being told that it was a Pickle was already so much fatigued with windmill, observed, with some concern, that their hospitality, that, for the first time of.is there was not the least breath of wind, his life, he suffered.a dejection of spirits; he could. not have the pleasure of seeing it and resolved, at any rate, to avoid the turn round. Urged by this consideration, threatened persecution of to-morrow. With he puts himself into the attitude of a person this view, he ordered his servants to pack up wrapt in profound meditation; and having some clothes and linen in a portmanteau; continued a few seconds in this posture, and in the morning embarked, with his runs to the miller with great eagerness and governor, in the treckskuyt, for the Hague, joy, and telling him that he had found an whither he pretended to be called by some expedient to make his mill work, very fairly urgent occasion, leaving his fellow-travellers unbuttons his breeches; then presenting his to make his apology to their friends; and posteriors to the sails of the machine, cerassuring them that he would not proceed for tain explosions are immediately heard, and Amsterdam without their society. the arms of the mill begin to turn round, to He arrived at the Hague in the forenoon, the infinite satisfaction of the spectators, and dined at an ordinary frequented by offi- who approve the joke with loud peals of apcers and people of fashion; where being in- plause. formed that the princess would see company Our travellers staid a few days at the in the evening, he dressed himself in a rich. HIague, during which the young gentleman suit of the Parisian cut, and went to court, waited on the British ambassador, to whom without any introduction. A person of his lie was recommended by his excellency at appearance could not fail to attract the notice Paris, and lost about thirty guineas at bilof such a small circle. The prince himself, liards to a French adventurer,, who decoyed understanding he was an Englishman and a him into the snare by keeping up his game. stranger, went up to him, without ceremony, Then they departed in a post-wagon for and, having welcomed him to the place, con- Amsterdam, being provided with letters of versed with him for some minutes on the introduction to an English merchant residing common topics of discourse. in that city, under whose auspices they vi. sited every thing worth seeing, and, among other excursions, went to see a Dutch traCHAPTER LXV. gedy acted; an entertainment which, of all others, had the strangest effect upon the They proceed to the Hague, from whence organs of our hero: the dress. of their chief they depart for Amsterdam, where they personages was so antic, their manner so see a Dutch tragedy-visit: the music- awkwarldly absurd, and their language so house, in which Peregrine quarrels with ridiculously unfit for conveying the sentithe captain of a man of war-they pass ments of love and honour, that Peregrine's through Haerlem, in their way to Leyden nerves were diuretically affected with the -return to Rotterdam, where the compa.- complicated absurdity, and he was compelled ny separates, and our hero, with his at- to withdraw twenty times before the catastendants, arrive in safety at Harwich.. trophe of the piece. The subject of this performance -as the BEING joined by their fellow-travellers in famous story of Scipio's continel: e and the morning, they made a tour to all the re- virtue, in restoring the fair captive to her markable places in this celebrated village; lover. The young Roman hero was represaw the foundery, the. stadthouse,: the spin- sented by a broad-faced Batavian, in a burgohuys, Vauxhall, and Count Bentinck's gar- master's gown and a fur cap, sitting smoking dens, and in the eveningwent to, the French his pipe at a table furnished with a cann of comedy, which was directed: by a noted beer, a drinking glass, and a plate of tobacco: Harlequin, who had found means to flatter the lady was such a person as Scipio might the Dutch taste so effectually, that they ex- very well be supposed to give away, without tolled him as the'greatest actor that ever ap- any great effort of generosity; and indeed peared in the province of Holland. This the Celtiberian prince seemed to be of that ADVENTURES OF PEREGRINE PICKIE. 177 opinion; fobr, upon receiving her from the attend them in this expedition, made up to a hand of the victor, he discovered none of sprightly French giri, who sat in seeming those transports of gratitude and joy which expectation of a customer, and, prevailing Livy describes in recounting this event. The upon her to be his partner, led her into the Dutch Scipio, however, was complaisant circle, and, in his turn, took the opportunity enough in his way; for he desired her to sit of dancing a mninuet, to the admiration of all at his right hand, by the appellation of ya present. He intended to have exhibited frow, and, with his own finders, filling a another specimen of his ability in this art, clean pipe, presented it to Mynheer Allucio, when a captain of a Dutch man of war the lover. The rest of the economy of the chancing to come in, and seeing a stranger piece was in the same taste; which was so engaged with the lady whom, it seems, he agreeable to the audience, that they seemed had bespoke for his bedfellow, he advanced to have shaken off their natural phlegm, in without any ceremony, and seizing her by order to applaud the performance. the arm, pulled her to the other side of the From the play our company adjourned to room. Our adventurer, who was not a man the house of their friend, where they spent to put up with such a brutal affront, followed the evening; and the conversation turning the ravisher with indignation in his eyes, upon poetry, a Dutchman who was present, and, pushing him on one side, retook the and understood the English language, having subject of their contest, and led her back to listened very attentively to the discourse, the place from whence she had been dragged. lifted up with both hands the greatest part of The Dutchman, enraged at the youth's prea Cheshihe cheese that lay upon the table, sumption, obeyed the first dictates of his saying,-'I do know vat is boeter. Mine choler, and lent his rival a hearty box on the brotre be a great boet, and ave vrought a ear, which was immediately repaid with book as dick as all. dat." Pickle, diverted interest, before our hero could recollect himwith this method of estimating an author ac- self sufficiently to lay his haud upon his cording to the quantity of his works, inquired sword, and beckon the aggressor to the about the subjects of this bard's writings; door. but of these his brother could give no ac- Notwithstanding the confusion and disorcount, or other information, but that there der which this affair produced in the room, was little market for the commodity, which and the endeavours of Pickle's company, hung heavy upon his hands, and induced him who interposed in order to prevent bloodshed, to wish he had applied himself to another the antagonists reached the street; and Pertrade. egrine, dirawing, was surprised to see the The only remarkable scene in Amsterdam captain advance against him with along knife, which our company had not seen, was the which he preferred to the sword that hung by Spuyl, or music-houses, which, by the con- his side. The youth, confounded at this nivance of the magistrates, are maintained preposterous behaviour, desired him in the for the recreation of those who might at- French tongue, to lay aside that vulgar imtempt the chastity of creditable women, if plement, and approach like a gentleman: but they were not provided with such conve- the Hollander, who neither understood the niences. To one of these night-houses did proposal, nor would have complied with his our travellers repair, under the conduct of demand, had he been made acquainted with the English merchant, and were introduced his meaning, rushed forward like a desperinto such another place as the ever-memora- ado, before his adversary could put himself ble coffeehouse of Moll King; with this dif- on his guard; and if' the young gentleman ference, that the company here were not so had not been endued with surprising agility, riotous as the bucks of Covent-Garden, but his nose would have fallen a sacrifice to the formed themselves into a circle, within which fury of the assailant. Finding himself in some of the number danced to the music of such imminent jeopardy, he leaped to one a scurvy organ and a few other instruments, side, and the Dutchman passing him, in the that uttered tunes very suitable to the dis- force of his career, he, with one nimble kick, position of the hearers, vwhile the whole made such application to his enemy's heels, apartment was shrouded with clouds of that he flew like lightning into the canal, smoke impervious to the view. When our where he had almost perished, by pitching gentlemen entered, the floor was occupied upon one of the posts with which it is faced. by two females and their gallants, who, in Peregrine having performed this exploit, the performance of their exercise, lifted their did not stay forthe captain's coming on shore. legs like so many oxen at plough; and the but retreated with all dispatch, by the advice pipe of one of those hoppers happening to of his conductor; and next day embarked be exhausted in the midst of his saraband, with his companions, in the skuyt, for Haerhe very deliberately drew forth his tobacco- lem, where they dined, and, in the evening, box, filling and lighting it again, without any arrived at the ancient city of Leyden, where interruption to the dance. Peregrine, being they met with some English students, who unchecked by the presence of his governor, treated them with great hospitality: not but who was too tender of his own reputation to that the harmony of the conversation was'X 178 SMOLLETT'S SELECT WORKS. that same night interrupted, by a dispute that sence of eighteen months; and the image of arose between one of those young gentlemen his charming Emily, which other less worthy and the physician, about the coldand hot me- considerations had depressed, resumed the thods of prescription in the gout and rheuma- full possession of his breast. He rememtism; and proceeded to such a degree ofmutu- bered, with shame, that he had neglected the al reviling, that Pickle, ashamed and incens- correspondence with her brother, which he ed at his fellow traveller's want of urbanity, himself had solicited, and in consequence of espoused the other's cause, and openly rebuk- which he had received a letter from that ed him for his unmannerly petulance, which young gentleman, while he lived at Paris. In (he said) rendered him unfit for the purposes, spite of these conscientious reflections, he and unworthy of the benefit, of society. This was too self-sufficient to think he should find unexpected declaration overwhelmed the doc- any difficulty in obtaining forgiveness for such tor with amazement and confusion; he was sins of omission; and began to imagine, that instantaneously deprived of his speech, and, his passion would be prejudicial to the digduiring the remainring part of the night, sat in nity of his situation, if it could not be gratisilent mortification. In all probability, he fled upon terms which formerly his imaginadeliberated with himself, whether or not he tion durst not conceive. should expostulate with the young gentleman Sorry I am, that the task I have underon the freedom he had taken with his char- taken, lays me under the necessity of divulgacter in a company of strangers; but as he ing this degeneracy in the sentiments of our knew he had not a Pallet to deal with, he imperious youth, who was now in the heyvery prudently suppressed that suggestion, day of his blood, flushed with the consciousand in secret chewed the cud of resentment. ness of his own qualifications, vain of his forAfter they had visited the physic garden, tune, and elated on the wings of imaginary the university, the anatomical hall, and every expectation. Though he was deeply enaother thing that was recommended to their moured of Miss Gauntlet, he was far from view, they returned to Rotterdarn, and held proposing her heart as the ultimate aim of a consultation upon the method of transport- his gallantry, which (hlie did not doubt) would ing themselves to England. The doctor, triumph over the most illustrious females of whose grudge against Peregrine was rather the land, and at once regale his appetite and inflamed than allayed by our hero's indif- ambition. ference and neglect, had tampered with the Meanwhile, being willing to make his apsimplicity of the painter, who was proud of pearance at the garrison equally surprising his advances, towards a perfect reconcilia- and agreeable, he cautioned Mr Jolter against tion; and now took the opportunity of part- writing to the commodore, who had not heard ing with our adventurer, by declaring that of them since their departure from Paris, and he and his friend Mr Pallet were resolved to hired a post chaise and horses for London. take their passage in a trading sloop, after The governor, going out to give orders about he had heard Peregrine object against that the carriage, inadvertently left a paper book tedious, disagreeable, and uncertain method open upon the table; and his pupil, casting of conveyance. Pickle immediately saw his his eye upon the page, chanced to read these intention; and, without using the least ar- words. " Sept. 15. Arrived in safety, gnument to dissuade them from their design, by the blessing of God, in this unhappy kingor expressing the smallest decree of concern dom of England. And thus concludes the at their separation; very coolly wished them journal of my last peregrination." Perea prosperous voyage, and ordered his bag- grine's curiosity being inflamed by this exgage to be sent to Helvoetsluys. There he traordinary conclusion, he turned to the behimself and his retinue went on board of the ginning, and perused several sheets of a dairy, packet next day, and, by the favour of a fair such as is commonly kept by that class of wind, in eighteen hours arrived at Harwich. people known by the denomination of travelling governors, for the satisfaction of themselves and the parents or guardians of their CHAPTER LXIII. pupils, and for the edification and entertainment of their friends. Peregrine delivers his letters of recommen- That the reader may have a clear idea, of dation at London, and returns to the gar- Mr Jolter's performance, we shall transcribe rison, to the unspeakable joy of the comrn- the transactions of one day, as he had remodore and his whole family. corded them; and that abstract will be a sufficient specimen of the whole plan and exeNow tnat our hero found himself on English cution of the work. ground, his heart dilated with the proud re- "May 3. At eight o'clock set out from collection of his own improvement since he Boulougne in a post-chaise-the morning left his native soil. He began to recognize hazy and cold. Fortified my stomach with a the interesting ideas of his tender years; he cordial. Recommended ditto to Mr P. as an enjoyed, by anticipation the pleasure of see- antidote against the fog. Mem. He refused ing his friends in the garrison, after an ab- it. The hither horse greased in the off-pas ADVENTURES OF PEREGRINE PICKLE. 179 ternofthehindleg. Arrive at Samers. Mem. which he arrived in safety the same night. This last was a post and a half, i. e. three When he entered the gate, which was open leagues, or nine English miles. The day ed by a new servant that did not know him, clears up. A fine champaigne country, well he found his old friend Hatchway stalking in stored with corn. The postilion says his the yard, with anight-cap on his head, and a prayers in passing by a wooden crucifix upon pipe in his mouth; and, advancing to him, the road. Mem. The horses stalled in a took him by the hand, before he had any intismall brook that runs in a' bottom betwixt mation of his approach. The lieutenant, two hills. Arrive at Cormont. A common thus saluted by a stranger, stared at him in post. A dispute with my pupil, who is ob- silent astonishment, till he recollected his stinate, and swayed by an unlucky prejudice. features, which were no sooner known, than, Proceed to Montreuil, where we dine on dashing the pipe upon the pavement, he exchoice pigeons. A very moderate charge. claimed,-"Smite my cross-trees! th'art No chamber-pot in the room, owing to the welcome to port;" and hugged him in his negligence of the maid. This is an extraor- arms with great affection. He then, by a dinary post. Set out again for Nalnpont. cordial squeeze, expressed his satisfaction at Troubled with flatulencies and indigestion. seeing his old shipmate Tom, who applying Mr P. is sullen, and seems to mistake an his whistle to his mouth, the whole castle eructation for the breaking of wind back- echoed with his performance. wards. From Nampont depart for Bernay, The servants, hearing the well-known at which place we arrive in the evening, and sound, poured out in a tumult of joy; and, propose to stay all night. N.B.-The two understanding that their young master was last are double posts, and our cattle-very returned, raised such a peal of acclamation, willing, though not strong. Sup on a deli- as astonished the commodore and his lady, cate ragout and excellent partridges, in com- and inspired Julia with such an interesting pany with Mr H. and his spouse. Mem. presage, that her heart began to throb with The said H. trod upon my corn by mistake. violence. Running out in the hurry and Discharge the bill, which is not very reason- perturbation of her hope, she was so much able. Dispute with Mr P. about giving mo- overwhelmed at sight of her brother, that ney to the servant; he insists upon my giv- she actually fainted in his arms. But from;ig a twenty-four sols piece, which is too this trance she soon awaked; and Peregrine, much by two-thirds, in all conscience. N.B. having testified his pleasure and affection, -She was a pert baggage, and did not de- went up stairs, and presented himself before serve a liard." his godfather and aunt. Mrs Trunnion rose Our hero was so much disobliged with and received him with a gracious embrace, certain circumstances of this amusing and blessing God for his happy return from a instructing journal, that, by way of punishing land of impiety and vice, in which she hoped the author, he interlined these words be. his morals had not been corrupted nor his twixt two paragraphs, in a manner that ex- principles of religion altered or impaired. actly resembled the tutor's hand-writing.- The old gentleman being confined to his " Mem. Had the pleasure of drinking my- chair, was struck dumb with pleasure at his self into a sweet intoxication, by toasting appearance: and, having made divers inefour lawfill king, and his royal family, among fectual efforts to get up, at length discharged some worthy English fathers of the society a volley of curses against his own limbs, and of Jesus." held out his hand to his godson, who kissed Having taken this revenge, lie set out for it with great respect. London, where he waited upon those noble- After he had finished his apostrophe to men to whom he had letters of recommen- the gout, which was the daily and hourly dation from Paris: and was not only gracious- subject of his execrations, —" Well, my lad," ly received, but even loaded with caresses said he, "I care not how soon I go to the and proffers of service, because they under- bottom, now I behold thee safe in harbour stood he was a young gentleman of fortune, again; and yet I tell a damn'd lie; I would who,~ far from standing in need of their I could keep afloat until I should see a lusty countenance or assistance, would make an boy of thy begetting. Odds my timbers useful and creditable addition to the number I love thee so well, that I believe thou art of their adherents. He had the honour of the spawn of my own body; though I can dining at their tables, in consequence of give no account of thy being put upon the pressing invitations, and of spending several stocks." Then turning his eye upon Pipes, evenings with the ladies, to whom he was who by this time had penetrated into his particularly agreeable, on account of his apartment, and addressed him with the usual person, address, and bleeding freely at play. salutation of "what cheer?".iAhey," cried Being thus initiated in the beau monde, he, "are you there you herring-faced son of he thought it was high timeto pay his res- a sea-calf? what a slippery trick you played pects to his generous benefactor, the com- your old commander! but come, you dog! modore; and accordingly departed, one there's my fist; I forgive you, for the love mnorning, with his train, for the garrison, at you bear to my godson. Go, man your 180 SMOLLETT'S SELECT WORKS. tackle, and hoist a cask of strong beer into were wellwishers to our hero, immediately the yard, knock out the bung, and put a repaired to the garrison, in order to pay thenl pump in it, for the use of all my servants and compliments on this happy event, and were neighbours; and, d'ye hear, let the patere- detained to supper. An elegant entertainroes be fired, and the garrison illuminated, rnent was prepared by the direction of Miss as rejoicings for the safe arrival of your Julia, who was an excellent housewife; and master. By the Lord! if I had the use of the commodore was so invigorated with joy, these damn'd shambling shanks, I would that he seemed to have renewed his age. dance a hornpipe with the best of you." Among those who honoured the occasion The next object of his attention was Mr with his-presence was Mr Clover, the young Jolter, who was honoured with particular gentleman that made his addresses to Peremarks of distinction, and the repeated pro- grine's sister. His heart was so big with his mise of enjoying the living in his gift, as an passion, that, while the rest of the company acknowledgment of the care and discretion were engrossed by their cups, he seized an with which he had superintended the edu- opportunity of our hero's being detached cation and morals of our hero. The gover- from the conversation, and, in the impatience nor was so affected by the generosity of his of his love, conjured him to consent to his patron, that the tears ran down his cheeks, happiness; protesting, that he would comply while he expressed his gratitude, and the with any terms of settlement that a man of infinite satisfaction he felt, in contemplating his fortune could embrace, in favour of a the accomplishments of his pupil. young lady, who was absolute mistress of Meanwhile Pipes did not neglect the orders his affection. he had received; the beer was produced, the Our youth thanked him very politely for gates were thrown open for the admission of his favourable sentiments and honourable inall comers, the whole house was lighted up, tention towards his sister, and told him, that and the patereroes were discharged in re- at present he saw no reason to obstruct his peated volleys. Such phenomena could not desire; that he would consult Julia's own fail to attract the notice of the neighbour- inclination, and confer with him about the hood. The club at Tunley's were astonished means of gratifying his wish; but, in the at the re'port of the guns, which produced mean time, begged to be excused from disvarious conjectures among the members of cussing any point of such importance to them that sagacious society. The landlord ob- both. Reminding him of the jovial purpose served, that, in all likelihood, the commodore on which they were happily met, he prowas' visited by hobgoblins,j and ordered the moted such a quick circulation of the bottle, guns to be fired in token of distress, as he that their mirth grew noisy and obstreperous; had acted twenty years before, when he was they broke - forth into repeated peals of annoyed by the same grievance. The ex- laughter, without any previous incitement, ciseman, with a wvaggish sneer, expressed except that of claret. These explosions his apprehension of Trunnion's death, in con- were succeeded by Bacchanalian songs, in sequence of which the patereroes might be which the old gentleman himself attempted discharged with an equivocal intent, either to bear a share; the sedate governor snapped as signals of his lady's sorrow or rejoicing. time with his fingers, and the parish priest The attorney signified a suspicion of Hatch- assisted in the chorus, with a most expreswa-y's being married to Miss Pickle, and that sive nakedness of countenance. Before midthe firing and illuminations were in honour night, they were almost all pinned to their of the nuptials; upon which Gamaliel dis- chairs, as if they had been fixed by the power covered some faint signs of emotion, and, of enchantment; and, what rendered the taking the pipe from his mouth, gave it as confinement still more unfortunate, every his opinion, that his sister was brought to servant in the house was in the same situabed. tion; so that they were fain to take their While they were thus bewildered in the repose as they sat, and nodded at each other maze of their own imaginations, a company like a congregation of anabaptists. of countrymen, who sat drinking in the Next day Peregrine communed with his kitchen, and whose legs were more ready sister on the subject of her match with Mr than their invention, sallied out to know the Clover, who (she told him) had offered tc meaning of these exhibitions. Understand- settle a jointure of four hundred pounds, and ing that there was a butt of strong beer a- take her to wife, without any expectation ot broach in the yard, to which they were in- a dowry. She moreover gave him to undervited by the servants, they saved themselves stand, that, in his absence, she had received the trouble and expense of returning to spend several messages from her' mother, comnthe evening at the public house, and listed manding her to return to her father's house; themselves under the banner of Tom Pipes, but that she had refused to obey these orders, who presided as director of this festival. by the advice and injunction of her aunt and The news of Peregrine's return being the commodore, which were indeed seconded communicated to the parish, the parson, and by her own inclination; because she had all three or four neighbouring gentlemen, who the reason in the world to believe, that hei ADVENTURES OF PEREGRINE PICKLE. 181 mlother only wanted an opportunity of treating The justice of peace, to whom this appliher with severity and rancour. The re- cation was made, though he could not refuse sentment of that lady had been carried to the order, yet, being no stranger to the malesuch indecent lengths, that, seeing her daugh- volence of the mother, which, together with ter at church one day, she rose up before the iGamaliel's simplicity, was notorious in the parson entered, and reviled her with great county, he sent an intimation of what had bitterness in the face of the whole congre- happened to the garrison; upon which a gation. couple of'sentinels were placed on the gate, and, at the pressing solicitation of the lover, as well as the desire of the commodore, her CHAPTER LXVII. brother, and aunt, Julia was wedded without further delay; the ceremony being performSees his sister happily married-visits ed by Mr Jolter, because the parish priest Emily, who receives him according to prudently declined any occasion of giving his deserts. offence, and the curate was too much in the interest of their enemies to be employed in HER brother being of opinion that Mr that office. Clover's proposal was not to be neglected, This domestic concern being settled to the especially as Julia's heart was engaged in satisfaction of our hero, he escorted her next his favour, communicated the affair to his day to the house of her husband, who imuncle, who, with the approbation of Mrs mediately wrote aletter to her father, declarTrunnion, declared himself well satisfied ing his reasons for having thus superseded with the young man's addresses, and desired his authority; and Mrs Pickle's mortification that they might be buckled with all expe- was unspeakable. dition, without the knowledge or concur- That the new married couple might be rence of her parents, to whom (on account guarded against all insult, our young genof their unnatural barbarity) she was not tleman and his friend Hatchway with their bound to pay the least regard. Though our adherents, lodged in Mr Clover's house for adventurer entertained the same sentiments some weeks; during which they visited their of the matter, and the lover dreading some acquaintance in the neighbourhood, accordobstruction, earnestly begged the immediate ing to custom. When the tranquillity of condescension of his mistress, she could not their family was perfectly established, and be prevailed upon to take such a material the contract of marriage executed in the step, without having first solicited the per- presence of the old commodore and his lady, mission of her father, resolving, nevertheless, who gave her niece five hundred pounds to to comply with the dictates of her own heart, purchase jewels and clothes, Mr Peregrine should his objections be frivolous or unjust. could no longer restrain his impatience to Urged by this determination, her admirer see his dear Emilia; and told his.uncle, that waited upon Mr Gamaliel at the public- next day he proposed to ride across the house, and, with the appearance of great country, in order to visit his friend Gauntlet, deference and respect, made him acquainted whom he had not heard of for a long time. * with his affection for his daughter, communi- The old gentleman, looking stedfastly in cated the'particulars of his fortune, with-the his face,-"Ah! damn your cunning!" said terms of settlement he was ready to make; he, "I find the anchor holds fast! I did supand, in conclusion, told him, that he would pose as how you would have slipt your cable marry her without a portion. This last offer and changed your birth;'but I see, when a seemed to have some weight with the father, young fellow is once brought up by a pretty who received it with civility, and promised wench, he may man his capstans and viol in a day or two to favour him with a final block if he wool; but he'll as soon heave up answer to his demand. He, accordingly, the Peak of Teneriffe, as bring his anchor that same evening consulted his wife, who a-weigh! Odds keartlikins! had I known being exasperated at the prospect of her the young woman was Ned Gauntlet's daughter's independency, argued with the daughter, I shouldn't have thrown out a most virulent expostulation against the signal for leaving off chase." match, as an impudent scheme of her own Our adventurer was not: a little surprised planning, with a view of insulting her pa- to hear the commodore talk in this style; rents, towards whom she had already been and immediately conjectured that his friend guilty of the most vicious disobedience. In Godfrey had informed him of the whole short, she used such remonstrances, as not affair. Instead of- listening.to this approonly averted this weak husband's inclination bation of his flame with those transports of from the proposal, which he had relished be- joy which he would have felt, had he ietainfore, but even instigated him to apply for a ed his former sentiments, he was chagrined warrant to apprehend his daughter, on the at Trunnion's declaration, and offended at supposition that she was about to bestow the presumption of the young soldier, in preherself in marriage without his privity or suming to disclose the secret with which he consent. had intrusted him. Reddening with these 182;SMOLLETT'S SELECT WORKS. reflections, he assured the commodore, that Peregrine smiled within himself at this behe never had serious thoughts of matrimony; haviour, which (without all doubt) he beso that, if any person had told him he was lieved she had affected, to punish him for his under any engagement of that kind, he had unkind silence while he was abroad, being abused his ear: for he protested that he fully persuaded that ner heart was absoluteiy would never contract such attachments at his devotion. On this supposition, he without his knowledge and permission. practised his Parisian improvements in the Trunnion commended him for'his prudent art of conversation, and uttered a thousand resolution, and observed, that, though no prettinesses in the way of compliment, with person mentioned to him what promises had such incredible rotation of tongue, that his passed betwixt him and his sweetheart, it rivals were struck dumb with astonishment, was very plain that he had made love to her; and Emilia fretted out of all temper, at seeand, therefore, it was to be supposed that ing herself deprived of the prerogative of the his intentions were honourable; for he could sex. He persisted, however, in this surnot believe he was such a rogue in his heart, prising loquacity, until the rest of the comas to endeavour to debauch the daughter of pany thought proper to withdraw, and then a brave officer, who had served his country contracted his discourse into the focus ot with credit and reputation. Notwithstanding love, which now put on a very different apthis remonstrance, which Pickle imputed to pearance from that which it had formerly the commodore's ignorance of the world, he worn. Instead of awful veneration, which set out for the habitation of Mrs Gauntlet, her presence used to inspire, that chastity of with the unjustifiable sentiments of a man of sentiment, and delicacy of expression, he pleasure, who sacrifices every consideration now gazed upon her with the eyes of a libto the desire of his ruling appetite; and, as ertine; he glowed with the impatience of deWinchester lay in his way, resolved to visit sire, talked in a strain that barely kept withsome of- his friends who lived' in that place. in the bounds of decency, and attempted to It was in the house of one of these that he snatch such favours, as she, in *the tenderwas informed of Emilia's being then in town ness of mutual acknowledgment, had once with her mother; upon which he excused vouchsafed to bestow. himself from staying to drink tea, and imn. Grieved and offended as she was, at this mediately repaired to their lodgings, accord- palpable alteration in his carriage, she dising to the directions he had received. dained to remind him of his former deport When he arrived at the door, instead of ment, and, with dissembled good humour undergoing that perturbation of spirits which rallied him on the progress he had made in a lover in his interesting situation might be gallantry and address; but, far from submitsupposed to feel, he suffered no emotion but ting to the liberties he would have taken, she that of vanity and pride, favoured with an kept her person sacred from his touch, and opportunity of self-gratification, and entered would not even suffer him to ravish a kiss his Emilia's apartment with the air of a con- of her fair hand; so that he reaped no other ceited petit-maitre, rather than that of the advantage from the exercise of his talents, respectful admirer, when he visits the object during this interview, which lasted a whole of his passion, after an absence of seventeen hour, than that of knowing he had overrated months. his own importance, and that Emily's heart The young lady, having been very much was not a garrison likely to surrender at disobliged at his mortifying neglect of her discretion. brother's letter, had summoned all her own At length his addresses were interrupted by pride and resolution to her aid; and, by the arrival of the mother, who had gone means of a happy disposition, so far over- abroad to visit by herself; and the conversacame her chagrin at his indifference, that tion becoming more general, he understood she was able to behave in his presence with that Godfrey was at London, soliciting for a apparenttranquillity and ease. She was even lieutenancy that had fallen vacant in the repleased to find he had, by accident, chosen a giment to which he belonged; and that Miss time for his visit when she was surrounded Sophy was at home with her father. by two or three young gentlemen, who pro- Though our adventurer had not met with fessed themselves her admirers. Our gallant all the success he expected by his first visit, he was no sooner announced, than she collected did not despair of reducing the fortress, beall her coquetry, put on the gayest air she lieving that in time there would be a mutiny could assume, and contrived to giggle just in his favour; and, accordingly, carried on as he appeared at the room door. The cornm- the siege for several days, without profiting pliments of salutation being performed, she by his perseverance; till, at length, having welcomed him to England in a careless man- attended the ladies to their own Louse in the rer, asked the news of Paris, and, before he country, he began to look upon this advencould make any reply, desired one of the ture as time mis-spent, and resolved to disother gentlemen to proceed with the sequel continue his attack, in hopes of meeting with of that comical adventure, in the relation of a more favourable occasion,; belig, in the which he had been interrupted. mean time, ambitious of displaying, in an& ADVENTURES OF PEREGRINE PICKLE. 183 higher sphere those qualifications which his of the youth's cavalier behaviour to Emilia, vanity told him were at present misapplied. during his last residence at Winchester; and our young gentleman (as we have already observed) was disgusted at the supposee CHAPTER LXVItI. discovery which the soldier had rmade in his absence to the commodore. They perceived He attends his uncle with great affection their mutual umbrage at meeting, and re. during afit of illness-sets out again for ceived each other with that civility of re. London-meets with his friend Godfrey, serve which commonly happens between twc who is prevailed upon to accompany him persons when their friendship is in the wane to Bath; on the road to which place they Gauntlet at once divined the cause of the chance to dine with a person who enter- other's displeasure; and, in order to vindicate tains them with a curious account of a his own character, after the first compliments certain company of adventurers. were passed, took the opportunity, on inquiring after the health of the commodore THUS determined, he took leave of Emilia and to tell Peregrine, that, while he tarried at her mother, on pretence of going to London, the garrison, on his return from Dover, the upon some urgent business, and returned to subject of the conversation one night hapthe garrison, leaving the good old lady very pening to turn on our hero's passion, the old much concerned, and the daughter incensed at gentleman had expressed his concern about his behaviour, which was the more unexpect- that affair; and, among other observations, ed, because. Godfrey had told them that the said, he supposed the object of his love was commodore approved of his nephew's passion. some paltry hussy, whom he had picked up Our adventurer found his uncle so ill of the when he was a boy at school. Upon which gout, which, for the first time, had taken Mr Hatchway assured him, that she was a possession of his stomach, that his life was young woman of as good a family as any in in imminent danger, and the whole family in the county; and, after having prepossessed disorder; he, therefore, took the reins of him in her favour, ventured (out of the zeal government in his own hands, sent for all of his friendship) to tell who she was: wherethe physicians in the neighbourhood, and at- fore the discovery was not to be imputed t tended him in person with the most affec- any other cause; and he hoped Mr Pickle tionate care during the whole fit, which would acquit him of all share in the transaction. lasted a fortnight, and then retired before Peregrine was very well pleased to be thus the strength of his constitution. undeceived; his countenance immediately XWhen the old gentleman recovered his cleared up, the formality of his behaviour health, he was so penetrated with Peregrine's relaxed into his usual familiarity; he asked behaviour, that he actually would have made pardon for his unmannerly neglect of Godover to him his whole fortune, and depended frey's letter, which, he protested, was not upon him for his own subsistence, had not owing to any disregard, or abatement of our youth opposed the execution of the deed friendship, but to the hurry of youthful enwith all his influence and might, and even gagements, in consequence of which he had persuaded him to make a will, in which his procrastinated his answer from time to time, friend HIatchway and all his other adherents until he was ready to return in person. were liberally remembered, and his aunt pro- The young soldier was contented with vided for on her own terms. This material this apology; and, as Pickle's intention, with point being settled, he, with his uncle's per- respect to his sister, was still dubious and mission, departed for London, after having undeclared, he did not think it -was inseen the family affairs established under the cumbent upon him, as yet, to express any direction and administration of Mr Jolter and resentment on that score;. but was wise the lieutenant; for, by this time, Mrs Trun- enough to foresee, that the renewal of his nion was wholly occupied with her spiritual intimacy with our young gentleman might be concerns. the means of reviving that flame which had On his first arrival at London, he sent a been dissipated by a variety o'f new ideas. card to the lodgings of Gauntlet, in con- With those sentiments he laid aside all re-sequence of a direction from his mother; serve, and their communication immediately and that young gentleman waited on him resumed its former channel. Peregrine made next morning, though not with that alacrity him acquainted with all the adventures in of countenance and warmth of friendship which he had been engaged, since their which might have been expected from the parting; and he,.with the same confidence, intimacy of their former connexion. Nor related the remarkable incidents of his own was Peregrine himself actuated by the same fate; among other things giving him to ununreserved affection for the soldier which he derstand, that, upon obtaining a commission had formerly entertained. Godfrey, over and in the army, the father of his dear Sophy, above the offence he had taken at Pickle's without once inquiring about the occasion of omission in point of corresponding with him, his promotion, had not only favoured hbul had' been informed by a letter from his mother with his countenance in a much greater de. 16 184 SMOLLETT'S SELECT WORKS. gree than heretofore, but also contributed his accruing from their industry and skill, and interest, and even promised the assistance of reserving the greatest share for the benefit his purse, in procuring for him a lieutenancy, of the common stock, which was chargeable which he was then soliciting with all his with the expence of fitting out individuals in power; whereas, if he had not been enabled, their various pursuits, as well as with the by a most accidental piece of good fortune, loss sustained in the course of their advento lift himself into the sphere of an officer, tures. Some, whose persons and qualificahe had all the reason in the world to believe tions are by the company judged adequate to that this gentleman, and all the rest of his the task, exert their talents in making love wealthy relations, would have suffered him to ladies of fortune, being accommodated to languish in obscurity and distress; and by with money and accoutrements for that purturning his misfortune into reproach, make pose, after having given their bonds payable it a plea for their own want of generosity to one or other of the directors, on the day and friendship, of marriage, for certain sums, proportioned Peregrine, understanding the situation of to the dowries they are to receive. Others, his friend's affairs, would have accommodat- versed in the doctrine of chances, and certain ed him upon the instant with a sum to accele- secret expedients, frequent all those places rate the passage of his commission through where games of hazard are allowed; and such the offices; but, being too well acquainted as are masters in the arts of billiards, tenwith his scrupulous disposition, to manifest nis, and bowls, are continually lying in wait, his benevolence in that manner, he found in all the scenes of these diversions, for the means to introduce himself to one of the ignorant and unwary. A fourth class attend gentlemen of the war-office, who was so well horse-races, being skilled in those mysterious satisfied witlthe arguments he used in behalf practices by which the knowing ones are of his friend, that Godfrey's business was taken in. Nor is this community unfurnishtransacted in a very few days, though he ed with those who lay wanton wives and old himself knew nothing of his interest being rich widows under contribution, and extort thus reinforced. money by prostituting themselves to the By this time, the season at Bath was embraces of their own sex, and then threabegun; and our hero, panting with the desire tening their admirers with prosecution. But of distinguishing himself at that resort of the their most important returns are made by'fashionable world, communicated his design that body of their undertakers who exercise of goixlg thither to his friend Godfrey, whom their understandings in the innumerable he importuned to accompany him in the stratagems of the card-table, at which no excursion; and leave of absence' from his sharper can be too infamous to be received, regiment being obtained by the influence of and even caressed, by persons of the highest Peregrine's new quality friends, the two rank and distinction. Among other articles companions departed from London in a post- of intelligence, our young gentleman learned, chaise, attended, as usual, by the valet de that those agents, by whom their guest was chambre and Pipes, who were become almost broke,- and expelled from Bath, had constias necessary to our adventurer as any two of tuted a bank against all sporters, and monohis own organs. polized the advantage in all sorts of play. At the inn, when they alighted for dinner, He then told Gauntlet, that, if he would put Godfrey perceived a person walking by him- himself under his direction, he would return self in the yard, with a very pensive air, and, with them, and lay such a scheme as would upon observing him more narrowly, recognis- infallibly ruin the whole society, at billiards, ed him to be a -professed gamester, whom he as he knew that Godfrey excelled them all in had formerly known at Tunbridge. On the his knowledge of that game. strength of this acquaintance, he accosted The soldier excused himself from enthe peripatetic, who knew him immediately; gaging in any party of that kind; and after and, in the fulness of his grief and vexation, dinner the travellers parted; but, as the contold him, that he was now on his return from versation between the two friends turned up. Bath, where he had been stripped by a cornm- on the information they had received, Perepany of sharpers, who resented that he should grine projected a plan for punishing those presume to trade upon his own bottom. villanous pests of society, who prey upon Peregrine, who was extremely curious in their fellow-creatures; and it was put in:exehis inquiries, imagining that he might learn cution by Gauntlet in the following manner. some entertaining and useful anecdotes from the artist, invited him to dinner, and was accordingly fully informed of all the political CHAPTER LXIX. systems at Bath. He understood that there was at London one great company of adven- Godfrey executes a scheme at Bath, by turers, who employed agents in all the dif- hch a whole company f sharpers are ferent brianches of imposition throughout the whole kingdom of England, allowing these ON the evening after their arrival at Bath, ministers a certain proportion of the profits Godfrey, who had kept himself up all day for ADVENTURES OF PEREGRINE PICKLE. 185 that purpose, went, in boots, to the billiard the players met according to appointment, table; and, two gentlemen being at play, be- and the room was immediately filled with gan to bet with so little appearance of judg- spectators, who either came thither by acciment, that one of the adventurers then pre- dent, curiosity, or design. The match was sent was inflamed with the desire of profiting fixed for one hundred pounds a game, the by his inexperience; and, when the table principals chose their instruments, and laid was vacant, invited him to take a game for aside their coats, and one of the knights of amusement. The soldier, assuming the air the order proffered to lay another hundred of a self-conceited dupe, answered, that he on the head of his associate. Godfrey took did not chuse to throw away his time for him upon the instant. A second worthy of nothing, but, if he pleased, would piddle for the same class, seeing him so eager, chala crown a game. This declaration was very lenged him to treble the sum; and his propoagreeable to the other, who wanted to be sal met with the same reception, to the asfurther confirmed in the opinion he had con- tonishment of the company, whose expectaceived of the stranger, before he would play tion was raised to a very interesting pitch. for any thing of consequence. The party The game was begun, and the soldier having being accepted, Gauntlet put off his coat, lost the first hazard, the odds were offered and, beginning with seeming eagerness, won by the confederacy with great vociferation; the first game, because his antagonist kept but nobody would run such a risk in favour up his play with a view of encouraging him of a person who was utterly unknown. The to wager a greater sum. The soldier purpose- sharper having gained the second also, the ly bit at the hook, the stakes were doubled, noise increased to a surprising clamour, not and he was again victorious, by the permis- only of the gang, but likewise of almost all sion of his competitor. He now began to the spectators, who desired to lay two to one yawn; and observing, that it was not worth against the brother of Emilia. his while to proceed in such a childish man- Peregrine, who was present, perceiving ner, the other swore, in an affected passion, the cupidity of the association sufficiently inthat he would play with him for twenty flamed, all of a sudden opened his mouth, and guineas. The proposal being embraced, answered their bets, to the amount of twelve (through the connivance of Godfrey), the hundred pounds, which were immediately demoney was won by the sharper, who exerted posited, on both sides, in money and notes; his dexterity to the uttermost, fearing that so that this was, perhaps, the most imporotherwise his adversary would decline con- tant game that ever was played at billiards. tinuing the game. Gauntlet seeing the agreement settled, struck Godfrey, thus conquered, pretended to lose his antagonist's ball into the pocket in a his temper, cursed his own ill luck, swore twinkling, though it was in one of those situthat the table had a cast, and that the balls ations which are supposed to be against the did not run true, changed his mast, and with striker. The betters were a little discomgreat warmth challenged his enemy to double posed at this event, for which, however, they the sum. The garnester, who feigned re- consoled themselves, by imputing the success luctance, complied with his desire; and, to accident; but when, at the very next having got the two first hazards, offered to stroke, he sprung it over the table, their lay one hundred guineas to fifty on the game. countenances underwent an instantaneous The odds were taken; and Godfrey having distraction of feature, and they waited, in allowed himself to be overcome, began to the most dreadful suspense, for the next rage with great violence, broke the mast to hazard, which being likewise taken with inpieces, threw the balls out at the window, finite ease by the soldier, the blood forsook and, in the fury of his indignation, defied his their cheeks, and the interjection zounds! antagonist to meet him to-morrow, when he pronounced with a look of consternation, and should be refreshed from the fatigue of tra- in a tone of despair, proceeded from every veiling. This was a very welcome invitation mouth at the same instant of time. They to the gamester, who, imagining that the were overwhelmed with horror and astonishsoldier would turn out a most beneficial prize, ment at seeing three hazards taken in as assured him, that he would not fail to be many strokes, from a person of their friend's there next forenoon, in order to give him his dexterity; and shrewdly suspected, that the revenge. whole was a scheme preconcerted for their Gauntlet went home to his lodgings, fully destruction; on this supposition, they changcertified of his own superiority, and took his ed the note, and attempted to hedge for their measures with Peregrine, touching the prose- own indemnification, by proposing to lay the cution of their scheme; while his opponent odds in favour of Gauntlet; but so much was made a report of his success to the brethren the opinion of the company altered by that of the gang, who resolved to be present at young gentleman's success, that nobody the decision of the match, with a view of would venture to espouse the cause of his taking advantage of the stranger's passionate competitor, who, chancing to improve his ~isposition. game by the addition of another lucky hit Affairs being thus concerted on both sides, diminished the concern, and revived the hopes Y 186 SMOLLETT'S SELECT WORKS. of his adherents. But this gleam of fortune Godfrey thanked him for his obliging indid not long continue. Godfrey collected his tention, but absolutely refused, with great whole art and capacity, and augmenting his loftiness of demeanour, to appropriate to his score to number ten, indulged himselt with own use any part of the money which Pickle a view of the whole fraternity. The visages had gained, and seemed affronted at the of these professors had adopted different other's entertaining a sentiment so unworthy shades of complexion at every hazard he had of his character. He would not even accept, taken: from their natural colour they had in the way of loan, such an addition to his shifted into a sallow hue; from thence into own stock as would amount to the price of a pale; from pale into yellow, which degene- company of foot; but expressed great confirated into a mahogany tint; and now they dence in the future exertion of that talent saw seventeen hundred pounds of their stock which had been blessed with such a prosperdepending upon a single stroke, they stood ous beginning. Our hero, finding him thus like so many swarthy Moors, jaundiced with obstinately deaf to the voice of his own interror and vexation. The fire which natu- terest, resolved to govern himself in his next rally glowed in the cheeks and nose of the endeavours of friendship, by his experience player, seemed utterly extinct, and his car- of this ticklish punctilio; and, in the meanbuncles exhibited a livid appearance, as if a time, gave a handsome benefaction to the gangrene had already made some progress in hospital, out of these first fruits of his suchis face; his hand began to shake, and his cess in play, and reserved two hundred whole frame was seized with such trepida- pounds for a set of diamond ear-rings and tion, that he was fain to swallow a bumper solitaire, which he intended for a present to of brandy, in order to re-establish the tran- Miss Emily. quillity of his nerves. This expedient, however, did not produce the desired effect; for he aimed the ball at the lead with such dis- CHAPTER LXX. composure, that it struck on the wrong side, and came off at an angle which directed it The two friends eclipse all their competi. full' in the middle hole. This fatal accident tors in gallantry, and practise a pleasant was attended with an universal groan, as if project of revenge upon, the physicians the whole universe had gone to wreck; and of the place. notwithstanding that tranquillity for which adventurers are so remarkable, this loss made THE fame of their exploit against the sharp such an impression upon them all, that each ers was immediately diffused through all the in particular manifested his chagrin by the -companies at Bath; so that when our advenmost violent emotions. One turned up his turers appeared in public, they were pointed eyes to heaven, and bit his nether lip; an- out by an hundred extended fingers, and conother gnawed his fingers, while he stalked sidered as consummate artists in all the difacross the room; a third blasphemed with ferent species of finesse, which they would horrid imprecations; and he who played the not fail to practise with the first opportunity. party sneaked off, grinding his teeth toge- Nor was this opinion of their characters any ther, with a look that baffles all description, obstacle to their reception into the fashiona. and, as he crossed the threshold, exclaiming, ble parties in the place; but, on the contra"A damn'd bite, by G-d." ry, such a recommendation, which (as I have The victors, after having insulted them, already hinted) never fails to operate for thby asking if they were disposed for another advantage of the possessor. chance, carried off their winning, with the This first adventure, therefore, served them appearance of great composure, though in as an introduction to the company at Bath, their hearts they were transported with un- who were not a little surprised to find their speakable joy; not so much on account of expectations baffled by the conduct of the the booty they had gained, as in considera- two companions; because, far from engaging tion of having so effectually destroyed such deeply at play, they rather shunned all occaa nest of pernicious miscreants. sions of gaming, and directed their attention Peregrine, believing that now he had found to gallantry, in which our hero shone unrian opportunity of serving his friend, without valled. His external qualifications, exclusive giving offence to the delicacy of his honour, of any other merit, were strong enough to told him, upon their arrival at their lodgings, captivate the common run of the female sex; that fortune had at length enabled him to be- and these, reinforced with a sprightliness of come in a manner independent, or at least conversation, and a most insinuating address, make himself easy in his circumstances, by became irresistible, even by those who were purchasing a company with the money he fortified with pride, caution, or indifference. had won. So saying, he put his share of the But, among all the nymphs of this gay place, success in Gauntlet's hand, as a sum that of he did not meet with one object that disputed right belonged to him, and promised to write the empire of his heart with Emilia, and in his behalf to a nobleman, who had interest therefore he divided his attachment accordeno.ugh to promote such a quick rise in the ing to the sutggestions of vanity and whim; ser,-.o ADVENTURES OF PEREGRINE PICKLE. 187 so that, before he had resided a fortnilght at ferings; and, turning their eyes towards the Bath, he had set all the ladies bythe ears, object of their intercession, broke forth into and furnished all the hundred tongues of an universal peal of laughter. On the other scandal with full employment. The splen- hand, when Peregrine, in consequence of dour of his appearance excited the inquiries having danced with one of the minors overof envy, which, instead of discovering any night, visited her in the morning, the Platocircumstance to his prejudice, was cursed nists immediately laid hold on the occasion, with the information of his being a young tasked their imaginations, associated ideas, gentleman of a good famnily, and heir to an and, with sagre insinuations, retailed a thouimmense fortune. sand circumstances of the interview, which The countenance of some of his quality never had any foundation in truth. They friends, who arrived at Bath, confirmed this observed, that, if girls are determined to bepiece of intelligence: upon which his ac- have with such indiscretion, they must lay quaintance was courted and cultivated with their accounts with incurring the censure of great assiduity; and he met with such ad- the world; that she in question was old vances from some of the fair sex, as rendered enough to act more circumspectly; and wonhim extremely fortunate in his amours. Nor dered that her mother would permit any was his friend Godfrey a stranger to favours young fellow to approach the chamber while of the same kind; his accomplishments were her daughter was naked in bed. As for the exactly calculated for the meridian of female servants peeping through the key-hole, to be taste; and, with certain individuals of that sure it was an unlucky accident; but people sex, his muscular frame, and the robust con- ought to be upon their guard against such nexion of his limbs, were more attractive curiosity, and give their domestics no cause than the delicate proportions of his compa- to employ their penetration. These and other nion. He accordingly reigned paramount such reflections were occasionally whispered among those inamoratas who were turned of as secrets among those who were known to thirty, without being under the necessity of be communicative; so that, in a few hours, proceeding by tedious addresses, and was it became the general topic of discourse-; and, thought to have co-operated. with the waters as it had been divulged under injunctions of in removing the sterility of certain ladies, secrecy, it was almost impossible to trace the who had long undergone the reproach and scandal to its origin; because every person disgust of their husbands; while Peregrine concerned must have promulgated her own set up his throne among those who laboured breach of trust, in discovering her author of under the disease of celibacy, from the pert the report. miss of fifteen, who with a fluttering heart Peregrine, instead of allaying; rather exastosses her head, bridles up, and giggles in- perated. this contention, by an, artful distrivoluntarily at sight of an handsome young bution of his attention among the competiman, to the staid maid of twenty-eight, who, tors; well knowing, that, should: his regard with a demure aspect, moralizes on the vanity be converted into one point, he would soon of beauty, the folly of youth, and simplicity forfeit the pleasure lie enjoyed in seeing them of woman, and expatiates on friendship, be- at variance; for both parties would join nevolence and good sense, in the style of a against the common enemy, and his'favourPlatonic philosopher.' ite would be persecuted by the whole coaliIn such a diversity of dispositions, his con- tion. Ile perceived, that among the secret quests were attended with all the heart-burn- agents of scandal, none were so busy as the ings, animosities, and turmoils of jealousy physicians, a class of animals who live in this and spite. The younger class took all op- place, like so many ravens hovering about a portunities of mortifying their seniors in pub- carcase, and even ply for employment, like lie, by treating them with that indignity scullers at Hungerford stairs. The greatest which (contrary to the general privilege of part of them have correspondents in London, age) is, by the consent and connivance of who make it their business to inquire into mankind, levelled against those who have the history, character, and distemper, of every the misfortune to. come under the denomina- one that repairs to Bath, for the benefit of tion of old maids; and these last retorted the waters; and if they cannot-procure intetheir hostilities in the private machinations rest to recommend their medical friends to of slander, supported by experience and sub- these patients before they set out, they at tilty of invention. Not one day passed in least fuirnish them with a previous account which some new story did not circulate, to of what they could collect, that their corresthe prejudice of one or other of those rivals. pondents may use this intelligence for their If our hero, in the long-room, chanced to own advantage. By these means, and the quit one of the moralists, with whom lie had assistance of flattery and assurance, they been engaged in conversation, lie was imme- often insinuate themselves into the'acquain diately accosted by a number of the opposite tance of strangers, and, by consulting their faction, who, with ironical smiles, upbraided dispositions, become necessary and subser him with cruelty to the poor lady he had left, vient to their prevailing passions. By their exhorted him to have compassion on her suf- connexion with apothecaries' and nurses, 16* 188 SMOLLETT'S SELECT WORKS. they are informed' f afll the private occur- while they remained thus wedged together, rences in each family, and therefore enabled they descried two of their brethren posting to' gratify the. rancdur of malice, amuse the towards' the same goal, with all the speed spleen' of peevish indisposition, and enter- that God had enabled them to exert; upon,tain the eagerness of impertinent curiosity. which they came to a parley, and agreed to.In the course of these occupations, which standby one another. This covenant being frequently affected the reputation of our two made, they disentangled themselves, and, inadventurers, this whole body fell under the quiring about the patient, were told by the displeasure of our hero, who, after divers servant that he had just fallen asleep. consultations with his friend, concerted a Having received this intelligence, they stratagem,'which was practised upon the took possession of his antichamber, and faculty in this manner. Among those who shut the door, while the rest of the tribe frequented the pump room, was an old officer, -posted themselves on the outside as they arwhose temper, naturally impatient, was, by irived; so that the whole passage' was filled, repeated attacks of the gout, which had al- from the top of the stair-case to the streetmost deprived him of the use of his -limbs, door; and the people of the' house, together sublimated into a remarkable degree of viru- with the colonel's servant, struck dumb with lence and perverseness: he imputed the in- astonishment. The three leaders of this veteracy of his distemper to the mal-prac- learned gang had no sooner made their lodgtice of' a surgeon who had, administered to ment good, than they began to consult about him; while.he'laboured under the conse-'the patient's malady, which every one of quences of an unfortunate amour; and this them pretended to have considered with -supposition had inspired him with an insur- great care and assiduity. The first who,mountable antipathy to all the professors of gave his opinion said,'the distemper was an.the medical art; which was'more and more obstinate arthritis;: the second affirmed, that confirmed by the information of a friend at it was no other than a confirmed pox; and London, who had told him, that it was a the third swore it was an inveterate scurvy common practice'among the physicians at: This diversity of opinions was supported by Bath to dissuade their patients from drinking a variety-of quotations from medical: authors, the wateir, that the cure, and- in consequence ancient as well as modern; but these were their, attendance, might be longer protracted. not of sufficient authority, or: at least not exThus prepossessed, he had come to Bath, plicit enough, to decide the dispute; for and, conformable to a few general instruc- there are many schisms in medicine, as well tions he had received, used the waters with- as in religion, and each set can quote the ut.any farther direction, taking all occa- fathers in support of the tenets they profess. sions of manifesting his hatred and contempt In short, the' contention rose to such a pitch of the sons:of _A/sculapius, both by speech of clamour, as not only alarmed the brethren and gesticulations, and even. by pursuing a on the stair, but also awaked the patient regimen quite contrary to that which he from the first nap he had enjoyed in the space;knew they prescribed to others who seemed of ten whole: days. Had' it been simply to be exactly in his condition. But he did waking, he would have been obliged to them; Ao9t find his account in this method, how suc- for the noise that disturbed him; for, in that,essful soever it may have been in other cases. ease, he would have been relieved froim the:is complaints, instead of vanishing, were tortures of hell fire, to which, in his dream, every day more and more enraged; and at he fancied himself exposed: but this dreadiength he was, confined to his bed, where he ful vision had been the result of that imlay ulaspherming from morn to night, and pression which was made upon his brain by tfrom night to morn, though still more deter- the intolerable anguish of his joints; so that mined than ever to adhere to his former when he walked, the pain, instead of being maxims. allayed, was rather aggravated, by a great In the midst of his torture, which was be- acuteness: of sensation; and the' confused come the common joke of the town, being vociferation in the next room invading his circulated through the industry of the, physi- ears at the same time, he beganto think. his cians, who triumphed in his disaster, Pere- dream was realized, and, in the pangs of grine, by means of Mr Pipes, employed a despair, applied himself to a bell that stood country fellow, who had come to market, to by his bedside, which he rung with great aun with great haste, early onee, morning, violence and perseverance. to the lodgings of all the doctors in town, This alarm put an immediate stop to the and desire them to attend the colonel with disputation of the three doctors, who, upon all imaginable dispatch. In consequence this notice of his being awake, rushed into 9f his summons, the whole faculty put them- his chamber without ceremony; and two of selves in motion; and three of the foremost them seizing his arms, the third made the arriving at the same instant of time, far from like application to one of his temples. Becomplimenting one another with the door, fore the patient could recollect himself' from each separately essayed to enter, and the the amazement which had laid hold on him whole triumvirate stuck' in the passage; at this unexpected irruption, the rooni was ADVENTURES OF PEREGRINE PICKLE. 189 filled by the rest of the faculty, who followed from the landlord and the colonel's valet, the servant that entered in obedience to his subjected the sufferers to the ridicule of all master's call; and the bed was in a moment the company in town. As it would have surrounded by these gaunt ministers of death. been impossible for the authors of this farce The colonel seeing himself beset with such to keep themselves concealed from the inan assemblage of solemn visages and figures, defatigable inquiries of the physicians, they which he had always considered with the made no secret of their having directed the utmost detestation and abhorrence, was in- whole; though they took care to own it in censed to a most inexpressible degree of in- such an ambiguous manner as afforded no dignation; and so inspirited by his rage, handle of prosecution. that, though his tongue denied its office, his other limbs performed their functions: he disengaged himself from the triumvirate, who CHAPTER LXXI. had taken possession of his body, sprung out of bed with incredible agility, and, seizing Peregrine humbles a noted Hector, and one of his crutches, applied it so effectually meets with a strange character at the to one of the three, just as he stooped to house of a certain lady. examine the' patient's water, that his tieperiwig dropped into the pot, while he him- AMoNG those who never failed to reside at self fell motionless on the floor. Bath during the season, was a certain person, This significant explanation disconcerted who, from the most abject misery, had, by the whole fraternity; every man turned his his industry and art at play, amassed about face, as if it were by instinct, towards the fifteen thousand pounds; and though his door; and the retreat of the community character was notorious, insinuated himself being obstructed by the efforts of individuals, so far into the favour of what is called the confusion and tumultuous uproar ensued: best company, that very few private parties for the colonel, far from limiting his prowess of pleasure took place in which he was not to the first exploit, handled his weapon with principally concerned. He was of a gigantic astonishing vigour and dexterity, without stature, a most intrepid countenance; and respect of persons; so that few or none of his disposition, naturally overbearing, had, them had escaped without marks of his dis- in the course of his adventures and success, pleasure, when his spirits failed, and he sunk acquired a most intolerable degree of indown again quite exhausted on his bed. solence and vanity. By the ferocity of hisFavoured by this respite, the discomfited fa- features, and audacity of his behaviour, he culty collected their hats and wigs, which had obtained a reputation for the most unhad fallen off in the fray; and perceiving the daunted courage, which had been confirmed assailant too much enfeebled to renew the by divers adventures, in which he had humattack, set up their throats together, and bled the most assuming heroes of his own fraloudly threatened to prosecute him severely ternity; so that he now reigned chief Hecfor such an outrageous assault. tor of the place with unquestioned authority. By this time the landlord had interposed; With this son of fortune was Peregrine and inquiring into the cause of the dis- one evening engaged at play, and so successtu;7bance, was informed of what had happen- ful, that he could not help informing his ed by the complainants, who, at the same friend of his good luck. Godfrey hearing time, giving him to understand that they had the description of the loser, immediately been severally summoned to attend the recognised the person, whom he had known colonel that morning, he assured them, that at Tunbridge; and assuring Pickle that he they had been imposed upon by some wag, was a sharper of the first water, cautioned for his lodger had never dreamed of consult- him against any further connexion with such ing any one of their profession. a dangerous companion, who (he affirmed) Thunderstruck at this declaration, the ge- had suffered him to win a small sum, that he neral clamour instantaneously ceased; and might be encouraged to lose a much greater each, in particular, at once comprehending sum upon solne other occasion. the nature of the joke, they sneaked silently Our young gentleman treasured up this off with the loss they had sustained, in un- advice; and though he did not scruple to utterable shame and mortification, while Pe- give the gamester an opportunity of retrievregrine and his friend, who took care to be ing his loss, when he next day demanded his passing that way by accident, made a fill revenge, he absolutely refused to proceed, stop at sight of such an extraordinary efflux, after he had refunded his winning. The and enjoyed the countenance and condition other, who considered him as a hot-headed of every one as he appeared; nay, even unthinking youth, endeavoured to inflame his made up to some of those who seemed most pride to a continuance of the game, by treataffected with their situation, and mischiev- ing his skill with, Scorn and contempt; and, ously tormented them with questions touch- among other sarcastic expressions, advised ing this unusual congregation; then, in con- him to go to school again, before'he pretendsequence of the information they received ed to engage with masters of the art. Our 190 SMOLLETT'S SELECT WORKS. hero, incensed at his arrogance, replied, with By this achievement, which was the subgreat warmth, that he knew himself suf- ject of astonishment to all the company, ficiently qualified for playing with men of who hadlooked upon the fugitive as a person honour, who deal upon the square, and hoped of heroic courage, our adventurer's repu. he should always deem it infamous either to tation was rendered formidable in all its learn or practice the tricks of a professed circumstances; although he thereby disgamester. "Blood and thunder! meaning obliged a good many people of fashion, who me, Sir?" (cried this artist, raising his voice, had contracted an intimacy of friendship and curling his visage into a most initimidat- with the exile, and who resented his disgrace, ing frown). " Zounds! I'll cut the throat of as if it had been the misfortune of a worthy any scoundrel who has the presumption to man. These generous patrons, however, suppose that I don't play as honourably as bore a very small proportion to those who e'er a nobleman in the kingdom: and I insist were pleased with the event of the duel] upon an explanation firom you, Sir; or, by because, in the course of their residence in hell and brimstone! I shall expect other sort Bath, they had either been insulted or deof satisfaction." Peregrine (whose blood by frauded by the challenger. Nor was this inthis time boiled within him) answered with- stance of' our hero's courage unacceptable out hesitation, "Far from thinking your de- to the ladies, few of whom could now resist mand unreasonable, I will immediately ex- the united force of such accomplishments. plain myself without reserve, and tell you, Indeed, neither he nor his friend Godfrey that, upon unquestionable authority, I believe would have found much difficulty in picking you to be an impudent rascal, and common up an agreeable companion for life; but cheat." Gauntlet's heart was pre-engaged to Sophy; The Hector was so amazed and confound- and Pickle, exclusive of his attachment to ed at the freedom of this declaration, which Emily, which was stronger than he himself he thought no man on earth would venture imagined, possessed such a share of ambition to make in his presence, that, for some mi- as could not be satisfied with the conquest nutes, he could not recollect himself; but at of any female he beheld at Bath. length whispered a challenge in the ear of His visits were therefore promiscuous,withour hero, which was accordingly accepted. out any other view than that of amusement; When they arrived next morning upon the and though his pride was flattered by the adfield, the gamester, arming his countenance vances of the fair, whom he had captivated, with all its terrors, advanced with a sword he never harboured one thought of proceedof a monstrous length, and putting. himself ing beyond the limits of common gallantry in a posture, called aloud, in a most terrific and carefiully avoided all particular explavoice, " Draw, damn ye, draw; I will this nations. But what, above all other enjoyinstant send you to your fathers." The Inents, yielded him the most agreeable enteryouth was not slow in complying with his tainment, was the secret history of chadesire; his weapon was unsheathed in a racters, which he learned from a very extramoment, and he began the attack with such ordinary person, with whom he became acunexpected spirit and address, that his ad- quainted in this manner. versary, having made shift, with great dif- Being at the house of a certain lady, on ficulty, to parry the first pass, retreated a few a visiting day, he was struck with the appaces and demanded a parley, in which he pearance of an old man, who no sooner enendeavoured to persuade the young man, tered the room than the mistress of the that to lay a man of his character under the house very kindly desired one of the wits necessity of chastising his insolence, was present to roast the old put. This petitthe most rash and inconsiderate step that he maitre, proud of the employment, went up could possibly have taken; but that he had to the senior, who had something extremely compassion upon his youth, and was willing peculiar and significant in his countenance, to spare him, if he would surrender his and saluting him with divers fashionable sword, and promise to ask pardon in public congees, accosted him in these words: "Y'our for the offence he had given. Pickle was so servant, you old rascal. I hope to have the much exasperated at this unparalleled ef- honour of seeing you hang'd. I vow to frontery, that, without deigning to make the Gad! you look extremely shocking with least reply, he flung his own hat in the pro- these gummy eyes, lanthorn jaws, and toothposer's face, and renewed the charge with less chaps. What! you squint at the ladies, such undaunted agility, that the gamester, you old rotten medlar? Yes, yes, we underfinding himself in manifest hazard of his stand your ogling; but you must content life, betook himself to his heels, and fled yourself with a cook-maid, sink me! I see homewards with incredible speed, being you want to sit. These withered shanks of closely pursued by Peregrine, who, having yours tremble under their burden.; but you sheathed his sword, pelted him with stones must have a little patience, old Hirco; inas he ran, and compelled him to go, that deed you must; I intend to mortify you a same day, into banishment from Bath, where little longer, curse me." lie had domineered so long. The company was so tickled with this ADVENTURES OF PEREGRINE PICKLE. 191 address, which was delivered with much who, by means of an artificial alphabet, grimace and gesticulation, that they burst formed by a certain conjunction and disout into a loud fit of laughter, which they position of the fingers, asked if he had heard fathered upon a monkey that was chained in any extraordinary news of late. Cadwalthe room; and when the peal was over, the lader, with his usual complaisance, replied, wit renewed his attack in these words.: " I that he supposed she took him fovea courier suppose you are fool enough to think this or spy, by teazing him eternally with that mirth was occasioned by pug: ay, there he question. HIe then expatiated upon the is; you had best survey him; he is of your foolish curiosity of mankind, which, he said, own family, switch me; but the laugh was must either proceed from idleness or want of at your expense: and you ought to thank ideas; and repeated almost verbatim the Heaven for making you so ridiculous." officer's information; a vague ridiculous reWhile he uttered these ingenious ejacu- port invented by some ignorant coxcomb, lations, the old gentleman bowed alternately who wanted to give himself airs of imto him and the monkey, that seemed to grin portance, and believed only by those who and chatter in imitation of the beau, and, were utterly unacquainted with the politics with an arch solemnity of visage, pro- *and strength of the French nation. nounced,-" Gentlemen, as I have not the In confirmation of what he had advanced, honour to understand your compliments, he endeavoured to demonstrate how imposthey will be much better bestowed on each sible it must be for that people to fit out even other." So saying, he seated himself, and the third part of such a navy, so soon after had the satisfaction to see the laugh returned the losses they had sustained during the war; upon the aggressor, who remained confound- and confirmed his proof by asserting, that, to ed and abashed, and in a few minutes left his certain knowledge, the harbours of Brest the room, muttering, as he retired, "the old and Toulon could not at that time produce a fellow grows scurrilous, stap my breath." squadron of eight ships of the line. While Peregrine wondered in silence at The member, who was an utter stranger this extraordinary scene, the lady of the to this misanthrope, hearing his own assevehouse, perceiving his surprise, gave him to rations treated with such contempt, glowed understand, that the ancient visitant was ut- with confusion and resentment, and, raising terly bereft of the sense of hearing; that his his voice, began to defend his own veracity namie was Cadwallader Crabtree; his dis- with great eagerness and trepidation, minposition altogether misanthropical; and that gling with his arguments many blustering he was admitted into company on account invectives against the insolence and ill manof the entertainment he afforded by his sar- ners of his supposed contradictor, who sat castic observations, and the pleasant mis- with the most mortifying composure of countal;es to which he was subject fiom his in- tenance, till the officer's patience was quite firmity. Nor did our hero wait a long time exhausted; and then, to the manifest increase for an illustration of this odd character., of his vexation, he was informed, that his Every sentence he spoke was replete with antagonist was so deaf, that, in all probagall; nor did his satire consist in general bility, the last trumpet would make. no imreflections, but in a series of remarks, which pression upon him, without a previous renohad been made through the medium of a vation of his organs. most whimsical peculiarity of opinion. Among those who were present at this assembly was a young officer, who having, by CHAPTER LXXII. dint of interest, obtained a seat in the lower house, thought it incumbent upon him to talk lie cultivates an acquaintance with the miof affairs of state; and accordingly regaled santhrope, who favours him with a short the company with an account of a secret ex- sketch of his own ntstory. pedition which the French were busied in preparing; assuring them, that he had it PEREGRINE was extremely well pleased with from the mouth of the minister, to whom it this occasional rebuke, which occurred so had been transmitted by one of his agents seasonably, that he could scarce believe it abroad. In descanting upon the particulars accidental. He looked upon Cadwallader as of the armament, he observed, that they had the greatest curiosity he had ever known, and twenty ships of the line ready manned and cultivated the old man's acquaintance with victualled at Brest, which were destined for such insinuating address, that in less than.a Toulon, where they would be joined by as fortnight he obtained his confidence. As many more: and from thence proceed to the they one day walked. into the fields together, execution of their scheme, which he impart- the man-hater disclosed himself in these ed as a secret not fit to be divulged. words. " Though the term of our communmThis piece of intelligence being communi- cation has been but short, you must have cated to all the company except Mr Crab- perceived that I treat you with uncommon tree, who suffered: by his loss of hearing, marks of regard; which, I assure you, is not that cynic was soon after accosted by a lady, owing to your personal accomplishments, nor 192 SMOLLETT'S SELECT WORKS. the pains you take to oblige me; for the first youth and desperation, durst execute a writ I overlook, and the last I see through: but upon me without a dozen of followers; and there is something in your disposition which the justices themselves trembled when I was indicates a rooted contempt for the world, brought before them. I was once maimed by and I understand you have made some suc- a carman, with whom I quarrelled, because cessful efforts in exposing one part of it to he ridiculed my leek on St David's day; my the ridicule of the other. It is upon this as- skull was fractured by a butcher's cleaver on surance that I offer you my advice and assist- the like occasion. I have been run through ance, in prosecuting other schemes of the the body five times, and lost the tip of my same nature; and to convince you that such left ear by a pistol bullet. In a rencounter an alliance is not to be rejected, I will now of this kind, having left my antagonist for give you a short sketch of my history, which dead, I was wise enough to make my retreat will be published after my death, in forty- into France; and a few days after my arriseven volumes of my own compiling. val at Paris, entering into conversation with "I was born about forty miles from this some officers on the subject of politics, a displace, of parents who, having a very old fa-. pute arose, in which I lost my temper, and mily name to support, bestowed their whole spoke so irreverently of the Grand Alonfortune on my elder brother; so that I inhe- arque, that next morning I was sent to the rited of my father little else than a large bastile, by virtue of a lettre de cachet. share of choler, to which I am indebted for a There I remained for some months, deprived great many adventures, that did not always of all intercourse with rational creatures; a end to my satisfaction. At the age of eigh- circumstance for which I was not sorry, as I teen, I was sent up to town, with a recomn- had the more time to project schemes of remendation to a certain peer, who found means venge against the tyrant who confined me, to amuse me with the promise of a commis- and the wretch who had betrayed my private sion for seven whole years; and'tis odds but conversation: but.tired, at length, with these I should have made my fortune by my perse- fruitless suggestions, I was fain to unbend verance, had not I been arrested, and thrown the severity of my thoughts, by a corresponinto the Marshalsea b-y my landlord, on whose dence with some industrious spiders, who credit I had subsisted three years, after my had hung my dungeon with their ingenious father had pronounced me an idle vagabond: labours. I considered their work with such there I remained six months, among those attention, that I soon became an adept in the Drisoners who have no other support than mystery of weaving, and furnished myself chance charity; and contracted a very valtla- with as many useful observations and reflecble acquaintance, which was of great service tions on that art, as will compose a very cuto me in the future emergencies of my life. rious treatise, which I intend to bequeath to " I was no sooner discharged, in conse- the Royal Society, for the benefit' of our quence of an act of parliament for the relief woollen manufacture; and this with a view of insolvent debtors, than I went to the house to perpetuate my own name, rather than beof my creditor, whom I cudgelled without friend my country; for, thank heaven! I am mercy; and, that I might leave nothing un- weaned from all attachments of that kind, done of those things which I ought to have and look upon myself as one very little done, my next stage was to Westminster- obliged to any society whatsoever. Although hall, where I waited until my patron came I presided with absolute power over this longforth from the house, and saluted him with a legged community, and distributed rewards blow that laid him senseless on the pavement: and punishments to each, according to his but my retreat was not so fortunate as I could deserts, I grew impatient of my situation; have wished: the chairmen and lacqueys in and my natural disposition one day prevailwaiting having surrounded and disarmed me ing, like a fire which had long been smotherin a trice, I was committed to Newgate, and ed, I wreaked the fury of my indignation loaded with chains; and a very sagacious upon my innocent subjects, and in a twinkgentleman, who was afterwards hanged, hav- ling destroyed the whole race. While I was ing sat in judgment upon my case, pronounced employed in this general massacre, the turnme guilty of a capital crime, and foretold my key, who brought me food, opened the door, condemnation at the Old Bailey. His prog- and perceiving my transport, shrugged up nostic, however, was disappointed; for no- his shoulders, and leaving my allowance, body appearing to prosecute me at the next went out, pronouncing, le pauvre diable! la sessions I was discharged by order of the tete lui tourne. My passion no sooner subcourt. It would be impossible for me to re- sided, than I resolved to profit by this opicount, in the compass of one day's conversa- nion of the jailor, and from that day countion, all the particular exploits of which I terfeited lunacy with such success, that in bore considerable share: suffice it to say, I less than three months I was delivered from have been, at different times, prisoner in all the bastile, and sent to the galleys, in which the jails within the bills of mortality; I have they thought my bodily vigour might be of broke from every round-house on this side service, although the faculties of my mind Temple-bar. No bailiff, in the days of my were decayed. Before I was chained to the ADVENTURES OF PEREGRINE PICKLE. 193 oar, I received three hundred stripes by way tention to revenge myself upon the Spaof welcome, that I might thereby be rendered niards for the severities I had undergone dumore tractable, notwithstanding I used all ring my captivity. the arguments in my power to persuade them "Having therefore effectually disguised I was only mad north-north-west, and, when myself by a change of dress, and a large patch the wind was southerly, knew a hawk from on one eye, I hired an equipage, and appeared an hand-saw. at Bologna in quality of an itinerant physi"In our second cruise, we had the good cian, in which capacity I succeeded tolerafortune to be overtaken by a tempest, during bly well, till my servants decamped in the which the slaves were unbound, that they night with my baggage, and left me in the might contribute the more to the preserva- condition of Adam. In short, I have tration of the galley, and have a chance for velled over the greatest part of Europe as a their lives, in case of shipwreck. We were beggar, pilgrim, priest, soldier, gamester, and no sooner at liberty, than, making ourselves quack; and felt the extremes of indigence masters of the vessel, we robbed the officers, and opulence, with the inclemency of weaand ran her on shore among rocks on the ther, in all its vicissitudes. I have learned coast of Portugal; from whence I hastened that the characters of mankind are every to Lisbon, with a view of obtaining my pas- where the same; that common sense and sage in some ship bound for England, where, honesty bear an infinitely small proportion by this time, I hoped my affair was forgotten. to folly and vice; and that life is at best a " But, before this scheme could be accom- paltry province. plished, my evil genius led me into company; " After having suffered innumerable hardand, being intoxicated, I began to broach ships, dangers, and disgraces, I returned to doctrines on the subject of religion, at which London, where I lived some years in a garsome of the party were scandalized and in- ret, and picked up a subsistence, such as it censed; and I was next day dragged out of was, by vending purges in the streets, from bed by the officers of the inquisition, and con- the back of a pied horse; in which situation veyed to a cell in the prison belonging to I used to harangue the mob in broken Engthat tribunal. lish, under pretence of being an High German "At my first examination, my resentment doctor. was strong enough to support me under the " At last an uncle died, by whom I inherit torture, which I endured without flinching; an estate of three hundred pounds per annum, but my resolution abated, and my zeal im- though, in his lifetime, he would not have mediately cooled, when I understood from a parted with a sixpence to save my soul and fellow-prisoner, who groaned on the other body from perdition. side of the partition, that in a short time " I now appear in the world, not as a memthere would be an auto defe, in consequence ber of any community, or what is called a of which I should, in all probability, be doom- social creature, but merely as a spectator, ed to the flames, if I would not renounce my who entertains himself with the grimaces of heretical errors, and submit to such penance a jack-pudding, and banquets his spleen in as the church should think fit to prescribe. beholding his enemies at loggerheads. That This miserable wretch was convicted of Ju- I may enjoy this disposition, abstracted from daismn, which he had privately practised by all interruption, danger, and participation, I connivance for many years, until he had feign myself deaf; an expedient by which I amassed a fortune sufficient to attract the re- not only avoid all disputes, and their consegard of the church. To this he fell a sacri- quences, but also become master of a thoufice, and accordingly prepared himself for sand little secrets, which are every day whisthe stake; while I, not at all ambitious of pered in my presence, without any suspicion the crown of martyrdom, resolved to tempo- of their being overheard. You saw how I rise: so that, when I was brought to the handled that shallow politician at my lady question the second time, I made a solemn Plausible's the other day. The same method recantation.. As I had no worldly fortune to I practised upon the crazed tory, the bigot obstruct my salvation, I was received into whig, the sour supercilious pedant, the petuthe bosom of the church, and, by way of lant critic, the blustering coward, the fawnpenance, enjoined to walk barefoot to Rome ing tool, the pert pimp, sly sharper, and in the habit of a pilgrim. every other species of knaves and fools, with "During my peregrination through Spain, which this kingdom abounds. I was detained as a spy, until I could procure "In consequence of my rank and characcredentials from the inquisition at Lisbon; ter, I obtain free admission to the ladies, and behaved. with such resolution and re- among whom I have acquired the appellation serve, that, after being released, I was deem- of the Scandalous Chronicle. As I am coned a proper person to be employed in quality sidered (while silent) in no other light than of a secret intelligencer at a certain court. that of a foot-stool or elbow chair, they divest This office I undertook without hesitation; their conversation of all restraint before me, and, being furnished with money and bills and gratify my sense of hearing with strange Of credit, crossed the Pyrennees, with in- things, which (if I could prevail upon myself Z 194 SMOLLETT'S SELECT WORKS. to give the world that satisfaction) would of his youth, and the pride of his disposition, compose a curious piece of secret history, he considered as a derogation from his manand exhibit a quite different idea of charac- hood; but, in spite of all his endeavours, the ters from what is commonly entertained. tears gushed from his eyes, while he kissed "By this time, young gentleman, you may the old man's hand; and he was so utterly perceive, that I have it in my power to be a disconcerted by his grief, that, when he atvaluable correspondent, and that it will be tempted to speak, his tongue denied its ofyour interest to deserve my confidence." fice;-so that the commodore, perceiving his Here the misanthrope left off speaking, de- disorder, made a last effort of strength, and sirous to know the sentiments of our hero, consoled him in these words:-" Swab the who embraced the proffered alliance in a spray from your bowsprit, my good lad, and transport of joy and surprise; and the treaty coil up your spirits. You must not let the was no sooner concluded, than Mr Crabtree toplifts of your heart give way, because you began to perform articles, by imparting to see me ready to go down at these years: him a thousand delicious secrets, from the many a better man has foundered before he possession of which he promised himself in- has made half my way: thof I trust, by the numerable scenes of mirth and enjoyment. mercy of God, I shall be sure in port in a By means of this associate, whom he consi- very few glasses, and fast moored in a most dered as the ring of Gyges, he foresaw, that blessed riding; for my good friend Jolter he should be enabled to penetrate, not only hath overhauled the journal of my sins, and, into the chambers, but even to the inmost by the observation he hath taken of the state thoughts of the female sex. In order to of my soul, I hope I shall happily conclude ward off suspicion, they agreed to revile each my voyage, and be brought up in the latitude other in public, and meet at a certain private of heaven. Here has been a doctor that rendezvous, to communicate their mutual dis- wanted to stow me choakful of physic; but, coveries, and concert their future operations. when a man's hour is come, what signifies In consequence of a letter from lieutenant his taking his departure with a'pothecary's Hatchway, representing the dangerous situa- shop in his hold. Those fellows come alongtion of the commodore, Peregrine took a side of dying men, like the messengers of the hasty leave of his friends, and departed im- admiralty, with sailing orders; but I told him ifibdiately for the garrison. as how I could slip my cable without his direction or assistance, and so he hauled off in dudgeon. This cursed hickup makes such a CHAPTER LXXIII. rippling in the current of my speech, that mayhap you don't understand what I say. Peregrine arrives at the garrison, where Now, while the sucker of my wind-pump he receives the last admonitions of Cornm- will go, I would willingly mention a few modore Trunnion, who next day resigns things, which I hope you will set down in his breath, and is buried according to his the log-book of your remembrance, when I own directions-some gentlemen in the am stiff, d'le see. There's your auntsitting country make a fruitless attempt to ac- whimpering by the fire; I desire you will keep commoldate matters betwixt Mr Gamaliel her tight, warm, and easy, in her old age; Pickle and his eldest son. she's an honest heart in her own way, and, thof she goes a little crank and humoursome, ABOUT four o'clock in the morning, our hero by being often overstowed with nantz and arrived at the garrison, where he found his religion, she has been a faithful shipmate to generous uncle in extremity, supported in me, and I dare say never turned in with anbed by Julia on one side, and Lieutenant other man since we first embarked in the Hatchway on the other, while Mr Jolter ad- same bottom. Jack Hatchway, you know ministered spiritual consolation to his soul, the trim of her as well as e'er a man in Engand between whiles comforted Mrs Trun- land, and I believe she has a kindness for nion, who, with her maid, sat by the fire, you; whereby, if you two will grapple in the weeping with great decorum; the physician way of matrimony, when I am gone, I dq, having just taken his last fee, and retired, suppose that my godson, for love of me, will after pronouncing the fatal prognostic, in allow you to live in the garrison all the days which he anxiously wished he might be mlis- of your life." taken. Peregrine assured him he would with Though the commodore's speech was in- pleasure comply with any request he should terrupted by a violent hickup, he still retained make in behalf of two persons whom he esthe use of his senses; and when Peregrine teemed so much. The lieutenant, with a approached, stretched out his hands with waggish sneer, which even the gravity of the manifest signs of satisfaction. The young situation could not prevent, thanked them gentleman, whose heart overflowed with gra- both for their good-will, telling the commotitude and affection, could not behold such a dore he was obliged to him for his friend. spectacle unmoved. He endeavoured to con- ship, in seeking to promote him to the comceal nls tenderness, which, in the wildness mand of a vessel which he himself had wore ADVENTURES OF PEREGRINE PICKLE. 195 out in the service; but that, notwithstanding, consented to quit the room, that she might hie should be content to take charge of her, not be exposed to the unspeakable anguish though he could not help being shy of coming of seeing him expire. after such an able navigator. His last moments, however, were not so Trunnion, exhausted as he was, smiled at near as they imagined. He began to dose, this sally, and after some pause resumed his and' enjoyed small intervals of ease, till next admonitions in this manner; —" I need not day in the afternoon; during which remisstalk of Pipes, because I know you'll do for ions, he was heard to pour forth many pious him without any recommendation; the fel- ejaculations, expressing his hope, that, for low has sailed with me in many a hard gale, all the heavy cargo of his sins, he should be and I'll warrant him as stout a seaman as able to surmount the puttock-shrouds of ever set face to the weather; but I hope despair, and get aloft to the cross-trees of you'll take care of the rest of my crew, and God's good favour. At last his voice sunk not disrate them after I am dead, in favour so low as not to be distinguished; and, of new followers. As for that young woman, having lain about an hour, almost without Ned Gauntlet's daughter, I'm informed as any perceptible signs of life, he gave up the how she's an excellent wench, and has a re- ghost with a groan, which announced his despect for you; whereby if you run her on cease. board in an unlawful way, I leave my curse Julia was no sooner certified of this upon you, and trust you will never prosper melancholy event, than she ran to her aunt's in the voyage of life; but I believe you are chamber, weeping aloud; and immediately more of an honest man, than to behave so a very decent concert was performed by the much like a pirate. I beg of all love you good widow and her attendants. Peregrine wool take care of your constitution, and be- and Hatchway retired till the corpse should ware of running foul of harlots, who are no he laid out; and Pipes having surveyed the better than so many mermaids, that sit upon body, with a face of rueful attention,rocks in the sea, and hang out a fair face for "' Well fare thy soul! old Hawser Trunnion," the destruction of passengers; thof I must said he, "man and boy I have known thee say, for my own part, I never met with any these five-and-thirty years, and sure a truer of those sweet singers, and yet I have gone heart never broke biscuit. Many a hard to sea for the space of thirty years. But gale hast thou weathered; but now thy spells howsomever, steer your course clear of all are all over, and thy hull fairly laid up. A such brimstone b-. Shun going to law, better commander I'd never desire to serve; as you would shun the devil; and look and who knows but I may help to set up upon all attorneys as devouring sharks, thy standing rigging in another world'." or ravenous fish of prey. As soon as the All the servants of the house were affectbreath is out of my body, let minute guns be ed with the loss of their old master; and fired, till I am safe under ground. I would the poor people in the neighbourhood asalso be buried in the red jacket I had on when sembled at the gate, and, by repeated howlI boarded and took the Renumruy. Let my ings, expressed their sorrow for the death pistols, cutlass, and pocket compass, be laid of their charitable benefactor. Peregrine, in the coffin along with me. Let me be car- though he felt every thing which love and ried to the grave by my own men, rigged in gratitude could inspire on this occasion, was the black caps and white shirts which my not so much overwhelmed with affliction, as Darge's crew were wont to wear; and they to be incapable of taking the management must keep a good look-out, that none of your of the family into his own hands. He gave pilfering rascallions may come and heave me directions about the funeral with great disup again, for the lucre of what they can get, cretion, after having paid the compliments until the carcass is belayed by a tombstone. of condolence to his aunt, whom he consolAs for the motto, or what you call it, I leave ed with the assurance of his inviolable that to you and Mr Jolter, who are scholars; esteem and affection. He ordered a suit of but I do desire, that it may not be engraved mourning to be made for every person in the in the Greek or Latin lingos, and much less garrison, and invited all the neighbouring in the French, which I abominate, but in gentlemen to the burial, not even excepting plain English, that, when the angel comes to his father and brother Gam, who did not, howpipe all hands, at the great day, he may ever, honour the ceremony with their preknow that I am a British man, and speak to sence; nor was his mother humane enough me in my mother tongue. And now I have to visit her sister-in-law in her distress. no more to say, but God in heaven have In the method of interment, the commomercy upon my soul, and send you all fair dore's injunctions were obeyed to a tittle; weather, wheresoever you are bound." So and at the same time our hero made a dosaying, he regarded every individual around nation of fifty pounds to the poor of the him with a look of comnplacency, and, closing parish, as a benefaction which his uncle'had his eye, composed himselfto rest, while the forgot to bequeath. whole audience, Pipes himself not excepted, Having performed these obsequies with were melted with sorrow;, and Mrs Trunnion the most pious punctuality, he examined the 17 196 SMOLLETT'S SELECT WORKS. will, to which there was no addition since it manner about the commodore's proposal of had been first executed, adjusted the payment taking Mrs Trunnion to wife; and Jack. of all the legacies, and, being sole executor, being quite tired of the solitary situation of took an account of the estate to which he a bachelor, which nothing but the company had succeeded, which, after all deductions, of his old commander could have enabled amounted to thirty thousand pounds. The him to support so long, far from discovering possession of such a fortune, of which he aversion to the match, observed, with an arch was absolute master, did. not at all contribute smile, that it was not the first time he to the humiliation of his spirit, but inspired had commanded a vessel in the absence of him with new ideas of grandeur and magni- Captain Trunnion; and therefore, if the ficence, and elevated his hope to the highest widow was willing, he would cheerfully pinnacle of expectation. stand by her helm, and as he hoped the duty His domestic affairs being settled, he was would not be of long continuance, do his visited by almost all the gentlemen of the endeavour to steer her safe into port, where country, who came to pay their compliments the commodore might come on board, and of congratulation on his accession to the take charge of her again. estate; and some of them offered their good In consequence of this declaration, it was offices towards a reconciliation betwixt his determined that Mr Hatchwayv should make father and him, induced by the general de- his addresses to Mrs Trunnion as soon as testation which was entertained for his decency would permit her to receive them; brother Gam, who was by this time looked and Mr Clover and his wife promised to upon by his neighbours as a prodigy of in- exert their influence in his behalf. Meansolence and malice. Our young squire while, Jack was desired to live at the castle, thanked them for their kind proposal, which as usual, and assured, that it should be put he accepted: and old Gamaliel, at their wholly in his possession, as soon as he entreaties, seemed very well disposed to any should be able to accomplish this matrimonial accommodation; but, as he would not ven- scheme. ture to declare himself before he had con- When Peregrine had settled all these sulted his wife, his favourable disposition was points to his own satisfaction, he took leave rendered altogether ineffectual, by the in- of all his friends, and, repairing to the great stigations of that implacable woman; and city, purchased a new chariot and horses, our hero resigned all expectation of being put Pipes and another lacquey into rich reunited to his father's house. His brother, liveries, took elegant lodgings in Pall-Mall, as usual, took all opportunities of injuring and made a most remarkable appearance his character, by false aspersions, and stories among the people of fashion. It was owing misrepresented, in order to prejudice his re- to this equipage, and the gaiety of his perputation; nor was his sister Julia suffered sonal deportment, that common fame, which to enjoy her good fortune in peace. Had he is always a common liar, represented him undergone such persecution from an alien to as a young gentleman who had just suce his blood, the world would have heard of his ceeded to an estate of five thousand pounds revenge; but, notwithstanding his indig- per annum, by the death of an uncle; that nation, he was too much tinctured by the he was entitled to an equal fortune at the prejudices of consanguinity, to lift his arm decease of his own father, exclusive of two in judgment against the son of his own considerable jointures, which would devolve parents; and this consideration abridged the upon him at the demise of his mother and term of his residence at the garrison, where aunt. This report, false and ridiculous as it he had proposed so stay for some months. was, he could not find in his heart. to contradict: not but that he was sorry to find himself so misrepresented; but his vanity CHAPTER LXXIV. would not allow him to take any step that might diminish his importance in the opinion The young gentleman, having settled his of those who courted his acquaintance, on domestic affairs, arrives in London, and the supposition that his circumstances were sets up a gay equipage-he meets with actually as affluent as they were said to be Emilia, and is introduced to her uncle. Nay, so much was he infatuated by this weakness, that he resolved to encourage the His aunt, at the earnest solicitations of deception, by living up to the report; and Julia and her husband, took up her quarters accordingly engaged in the most expensive at the house of that affectionate kinswoman, parties of pleasure, believing that, before his who made it her chief study to comfort and present finances should be exhausted, his cherish the disconsolate widow; and Jolter, fortune would be effectually made, by the in expectation of the living which was not. personal accomplishments he should have yet vacant, remained in garrison, in quality occasion to display to the beau monde in the of land-steward upon our hero's country course of his extravagance. In a word, estate. As for the lieutenant, our young vanity and pride were the ruling foibles of geTltleman communed with him in a serious our adventurer, who imagined himself suf ADVENTURES OF PEREGRINE PICKLE. 197 ficiently qualified to retrieve his fortune in would look upon her as some handsome various shapes, long before he could have Abigail, with whomn he had an affair of galany idea of want or difficulty. He thought lantry, and of consequence give him credit he should have it in his power, at any time, fobr the intrigue. to make prize of a rich heiress, or opulent Encouraged by this suggestion, he comwidow; his ambition had already aspired to plied with the dictates of love, and flew to the heart of a young handsome duchess the place where his charmer sat. His air dowager, to whose acquaintance he had and dress were so remarkalie, that it was found means to be introduced; or, should almost impossible he should have escaped matrimony chance to be unsuitable to his the eyes of a curious observer, especially as inclinations, he never doubted, that, by the he had chosen a time for coming in, when interest he might acquire among the nobility, his entrance could not fail to attract the he should be favoured with some lucrative notice of the spectators: I mean, when the post, that would amply recompense him for whole house was hushed in attention to the the liberality of his disposition. There are performance on the stage. Emilia, theremany young men who entertain the same fore, perceived him at his first approach; expectations, with half the reason he had to she found herself discovered by the direction be so presumptuous. of his glass, and, guessing his intention by In the midst of these chimerical calcu- his abrupt retreat from the box, summoned lations, his passion for Emilia did not subside, all her fortitude to her aid, and prepared for but, on the contrary, began to rage with such his reception. He advanced to her with an an inflammation of desire, that her idea in- air of eagerness and joy, tempered with moterfered with every other reflection, and ab- desty and respect, and expressed his satissolutely disabled him from prosecuting the faction at seeing her, with a seeming reverother lofty schemes which his imagination ence of regard. Though she was extremely had projected. He therefore laid down the well pleased at this unexpected behaviour, honest resolution of visiting her in all the she suppressed the emotions of her heart, splendour of his situation, in order to practise and answered his compliments with affected upon her virtue with all his art and address, ease and unconcern, such as might denote to the utmost extent of his influence and the good humour of a person who meets by fortune. Nay, so effectually had his guilty accident with an indifferent acquaintance. passion absorbed his principles of honour, After having certified himself of her own conscience, humanity, and regard for the good health, he very kindly inquired about commodore's last words, that he was base her mother and Miss Sophy, gave her to enough to rejoice at the absence of his friend understand that he had lately been favoured Godfrey, who, being then with his regiment with a letter from Godfrey; that he had in Ireland, could not dive into his purpose, actually intended to set out next morning on or take measures for frustrating his design. a visit to Mrs Gauntlet, which (now that he Fraught with these heroic sentiments, he was so happy as to meet with her) he would determined to set out for Sussex in his postpone, until he should have the pleasure chariot and six, attended by his valet de of attending her to the country. After havchambre and two footmen; and as he was ing thankt d him for his polite intention, she now sensible, that in his last essay he had told him, that her mother was expected in mistaken his cue, he determined to change town in a few days, and that she herself had his battery, and sap the fortress by the most come to London some weeks ago, to give submissive, soft, and insinuating behaviour. her attendance upon her aunt, who had been On the evening that preceded this proposed dangerously ill, but was now pretty well reexpedition, he went into one of the boxes at covered. the playhouse, as usual, to show himself to Although the conversation, of course, turnthe ladies; and, in reconnoitring the com- ed upon general topics, during the enterpany through a glass (for no other reason, tainment he took all opportunities of being but because it was fashionable to be purblind), particular with his eyes, through which he perceived his mistress, very plainly dressed, conveyed a thousand tender protestations. in one of the seats above the stage, talking She saw and inwardly rejoiced at the humility to another young woman of a very homely of his looks; but, far froin rewarding it with appearance. Though his heart beat the one approving glance, she industriously avoidalarm with the utmost impatience at sight of ed this ocular intercourse, and rather cohis Emilia, he was for some minutes deterred quetted with a young gentlemanl that ogled from obeying the impulse of his love, by the her from the opposite box. Peregrine's pepresence of some ladies of fashion, who, he netration easily detected her sentiments, and feared, would think the worse of him, should he was nettled at her dissimulation, which they see him make his compliment in public served to confirm him in his unwarrantable to a person of her figure. Nor would the designs upon her person. He persisted in his violence of his inclination have so far pre- assiduities with indefatigable perseverance; vailed over his pride, as to lead him thither, when the play was concluded, handed her had not he recollected, that his qualityfriends and her companion into a hackney-coachn 198 SMOLLETT'S SELECT WORKS. and with difficulty was permitted to escort obtained fiee access to his mistress, began them to the house of Emilia's uncle, to the siege, by professing the most sincere conwhom our hero was introduced by the young trition for his former levity, and imploring lady as an intimate friend of her brother her forgiveness with such earnest suppliGodfrey. cation, that, guarded as she was against his The old gentleman, who was no stranger flattering arts, she began to believe his proto the nature of Peregrine's connexion with testations, which were even accompanied his sister's family, prevailed upon him to with tears, and abated a good deal of' that stay supper, and seemed particularly well severity and distance she had proposed to pleased with his conversation and deportment, maintain during this interview. She would which, by the help of his natural sagacity, not, however, favour him with the least ache wonderfully adapted to the humour of his knowledgment of a mutual passion, because, entertainer. After supper, when the ladies in the midst of his vows of eternal constancy were withdrawn, and the citizen called for and truth, he did not mention one syllable of his pipe, our sly adventurer followed his wedlock, though he was now entirely master example. Though he abhorred the plant, of his own conduct; and this consideration he smoked with an air of infinite satisfaction, created a doubt, which fortified her against and expatiated upon the virtues of tobacco, all his attacks: yet what her discretion would as if he had been deeply concerned in the have concealed, was discovered by her eyes, Virginia trade. In the progress of the dis- which, in spite of all her endeavours, breathcourse, he consulted the merchant's dis- ed forth complacency and love: for her in-position; and the national debt coming upon clination was flattered by her own self-sufthe carpet, held forth upon the funds like a ficiency, which imputed her admirer's silence professed broker. When the alderman com- in that particular to the hurry and perturplained of the restrictions and dis'courage- bation of his spirits, and persuaded her, that ments of trade, his guest inveighed against he could not possibly regard her with any exorbitant duties, with the nature of which other than honourable intentions. he seemed as well acquainted as any com- The insidious lover exulted in the tender. nissioner of the customs; so that the uncle ness of her looks, from which he presaged a was astonished at the extent of his know- complete victory; but that he might not ledge, and expressed his surprise, that a gay overshoot himself by his own precipitation, young gentleman like him should have found he would not run the risk of declaring himeither leisure or inclination to consider sub- self, until her heart should be so far entangled jects so foreign tothe fashionable amusements within his snares, as that neither the sugof youth. gestions of honour, prudence, nor pride, Pickle laid hold on this opportunity to tell should be able to disengage it. Armed with him, that he was descended from a race of this resolution, he restrained the impatience merchants; and that, early in life, he had of his temper within the limits of the most made it his business to instruct himself in the delicate deportment. After having solicited different branches of trade, which he not and obtained permission to attend her to the only studied as his family profession, but next opera, he took her by the hand, and also as the source of all our national riches pressing it to his lips in the most respectful and power. He then-launched out in praise manner, went away, leaving her in a most of commerce, and the promoters thereof; whimsical state of suspense, chequered with and, by way of contrast, employed all his an interesting vicissitude of hope and fear. ridicule in drawing such ludicrous pictures of On the appointed day he appeared again, the manners and education of what is called about five o'clock in the afternoon, and found high life, ttt the trader's sides were shaken her native charms so much improved by the by laughteT, even to the danger of his life: advantages of dress, that he was transported and he looked upon our adventurer as a with admiration and delight; and, while he miracle of sobriety and good sense. conducted her to the Haymarket, could scarce Having thus ingratiated himself with the bridle the impetuosity of his -passion, so as uncle, Peregrine took his leave, and next davy to observe the forbearing maxims he had in the forenoon visited the niece in his cha- adopted. When she entered the pit, he had riot, after she had been admonished by her abundance of food for the gratification of his kinsman to behave with circumspection, and vanity; for, in a moment, she eclipsed all the cautioned against neglecting or discouraging female part of the audience, each individual the addresses of such a valuable admirer. allowing, in her own heart, that the stranger was by far the handsomest woman there present, except herself. CHAPTER LXXV. - Here it was that our hero enjoyed a double triumph: he was vain of this opportunity to He prosecutes his design upon Emilia with enhance his reputation for: gallantry among great art and perseverance. the ladies of fashion who knew him, and proud'of an occasion to -display his quality,iTR' adventurer, having by his'hypocrisy acquaintance to Emilia, that she might enter. ADVENTURES OF PEREGRINE PICKLE. 199 tain the greater idea of the conquest she had was far advanced; that supper would certainmade, and pay the more deference to his im- ly be over before they could reach her uncle's portance in the sequel of his addresses. house; and to propose, that he should wait That he might profit as much as possible by upon her to some place; where they might this situation, he went up and accosted every be accommodated with a slight refreshment. person in the pit, with whom he ever had She was offended at the freedom of this prothe least communication, whispered and posal, which, however, she treated as a joke, laughed with an affected air of familiarity, thanking him for his courteous offer, and asand even bowed at a distance to some of the suring him, that when she should be disposed nobility, on the slender foundation of having for a tavern treat, he alone should have the stood near them at court, or presented them honour of bestowing it. with a pinch of rappee at ~White's chocolate Her kinrsman being engaged-with company house. abroad, and her aunt retired to rest, he had This ridiculous ostentation, though now the good fortune to enjoy a tete-a-tete with practised with a view of promoting. his de- her during a whole hour, which he employed sign, was a weakness that, in some degree, with such consummate skill, that her caution infected the whole of his behaviour; for was almost overcome. He not only assailed nothing gave him so much joy in conver- her with the artillery of sighs, vows, prayers, sation, as an opportunity of giving the and:tears, but even pawned his honour in becompany to understand how well he was half. of his love. He swore, with many imwith persons of distinguished rank and precations, that although her heart was surcharacter; he would often, for example, ob- rendered to him at discretion, there was a serve, as it were occasionally, that the duke principle within him, which would never of G- was one of the best-natured men allow him to injure such innocence and.in the world, and illustrate this asserticn by beauty; and the transports of his passion some instance of his affability, in which he had, upon this occasion, so far overshot his himself was concerned; then, by an abrupt purpose, that, if:she had demanded an extransition, lie would repeat some repartee of planation while he was thus agitated, he Lady T —, and mentioned a certain bon would have engaged himself to her wish by *mot of the Earl of C-, which was uttered such ties as he could not break with any rein his hearing. gard to his reputation. But from such exAbundance of young men, in this manner, postulation she was deterred, partly by pride, make free with the names, though they have and partly by the dread of finding herself never had access to the persons of the no- mistaken in such an interesting conjecture. bility; but this was not the case with Pere- She therefore enjoyed the present flattering grine, who, in consideration of his apgar- appearance of her fate, was prevailed upon ance and supposed fortune, together witl~ihe to accept the jewels, which he purchased advantage of his introduction, was by this with part of his winning at Bath, and, with time. freely admitted to the tables of the the most enchanting condescension, submitgreat. ted to a warm embrace when he took his In his return with Emilia from the opera, leave, after having obtained permission to though he still maintained the most scrupu- visit her as often as his inclination and conlous decorum in his behaviour, he plied her venience would permit. with the.most passionate expressions of love, In his return to his own lodgings, he was squeezed her hand with great fervency, pro- buoyed up with his success to an extiatested that his whole soul was engrossed by vagance of hope, already congratulated himher idea, and that he could not exist inde- self upon his triumph over Emilia's virtue, pendent of her favour. Pleased as she was and began to project future conquests among with his warm and pathetic addresses, to- the most dignified characters of the female gether with the respectful manner of his sex. But his attention was not at all dissimaking love, she yet had prudence and re- pated by these vain reflexions; he resolved solution sufficient to contain -her tenderness, to concentrate the whole exertion of his soul which was ready to run over; being fortified upon the execution of his present plan, de. against his arts, by reflecting, that, if his sisted, in the mean time, from all other aim was honourable, it was now his business schemes of pleasure, interest, and ambition, to declare it. On this consideration, she and took lodgings in the city, for the more refused to make any serious reply to his commodious accomplishment of.his purpose. earnest expostulations, but affected to receive WVThile our lover's imagination was thus them as the undetermined effusions of gal- agreeably regaled, his mistress did not enjoy lantry and good breeding. her expectations without the intervention of This fictitious gaiety and good humour, doubts and anxiety. His silence touching though it baffled his hope of extorting from the final aim of his addresses, was a mystery her an acknowledgment of which he might on which she was afraid of exercising hei have taken immediate advantage, neverthe- sagacity; and her uncle tormented her with less encouraged him to observe (as the cha- inquiries into the circumstances of Pere-riot passed along the Strand) that the night grine's professions and deportment. Rather 17+ 200 SMOLLETT'S SELECT WORKS. than give this relation the least cause of prised of her intention. This billet, sub. suspicion, which must have cut off all inter- scribed your well-wisher and unknown hum. course betwixt her and her admirer, she said ble servant, had the desired effect upon the every thing which she thought would satisfy careful matron, who, on the ball-day, feigned his care and concern for her welfare; and, herself so extremely ill, that miss could not in consequence of such representation, she with any decency quit her mamma's apartenjoyed, without reserve, the company of our ment; and therefore sent her apology to adventurer, who prosecuted his plan with Emilia in the afternoon, immediately after surprising eagerness and perseverance. the arrival of Peregrine, who pretended to be very much afflicted with the disappoint-:ment, while his heart throbbed with a transCHAPTER LXXVI. port of joy. About ten o'clock the lovers set out for He prevails upon Emilia to accompany him the Haymarket, he being dressed in the to a masquerade, makes a treacherous at- habit of Pantaloon, and she in that of Column tempt upon her affection, and meets with bine; and they had scarce entered the house a deserved repulse. when the music struck up, the curtain was withdrawn, and the whole scene displayed at SCARCE a night elapsed in which he did not once, to the admiration of Emilia, whose exconduct her to some public entertainment. pectation was infinitely surpassed by this exWhen, by the dint of his insiduous carriage, hibition. Our gallant having conducted her he thought himself in full possession of her through all the different apartments, and confidence and affection, he lay in wait for described the economy of the place, led her an opportunity; and hearing her observe, in into the circle, and, in their turn, they danced conversation, that she had never been at a several minuets; then going to the side-board, masquerade, begged leave to attend her to he prevailed upon her to eat some sweetthe next ball; at the same time extending meats and drink a glass of champaign. After his invitation to the young lady in whose a second review of the company, they encompany he had found her at the play, she gaged in country-dances, at which exercise being present when this subject of discourse they continued, until our adventurer conwas introduced. He had flattered himself, eluded that his partner's blood was sufficientthat this gentlewoman would decline the pro- ly warmed for the prosecution of his design. posal, as she was a person seemingly of a On this supposition, which was built upon demure disposition, who had been born and her declaring that she was thirsty and fabred in the city, where such diversions are tigued, he persuaded her to take a little relooked upon as scenes of lewdness and de- freshment and repose; and, for that purpose, bauchery. For once, however, he reckoned haided her down stairs into the eating-room, without his host; curiosity is as prevalent in where, having seated her on the floor, he the city as at the court end of the town; presented her with a glass of wine and waEmilia no sooner signified her assent to his ter; and, as she complained of being faint, proposal, than her friend, with an air of satis- enriched the draught with some drops of a faction, agreed to make one of the party; certain elixir, which he recommended as a and he was obliged to thank her for that most excellent restorative, though it was no complaisance which laid him under infinite other than a stimulating tincture, which he mortification. He set his genius at work to had treacherously provided for the occasion. invent some scheme for preventing her un- Having swallowed this potion, by which her seasonable intrusion. Had an opportunity spirits were manifestly exhilarated, she ate a offered, he would have acted as her physi- slice of ham, with the wing of a cold pullet, cian, and administered a medicine that would and concluded the meal with a glass of Burhave laid her under the necessity of staying gundy, which she drank at the earnest en. at home; but his acquaintance with her being treaty of her admirer. These extraordinary too slight to furnish him with the means of cordials, co-operating with the ferment of executing this expedient, he devised another, her blood, which was heated by violent mowhich was practised with all imaginable suc- tion, could not fail to affect the constitution cess. Understanding that her grandmother of a delicate young creature, who was natu. had left her a sum of money independent of rally sprightly and volatile. Her eyes began, her parents, he conveyed a letter to her mro- to sparkle with unusual fire and vivacity, a ther, intimating, that her daughter, on pre- thousand brilliant sallies of wit escaped her, tence of going to the masquerade, intended and every mask that accosted her underwent to bestow herself in marriage to a certain some smarting repartee. person; and that in a few days she would be Peregrine, overjoyed at the success of his informed of the circumstances of the whole administration, proposed that they should intrigue, provided she would keep this in- resume their places at the country-dances, formation secret, and contrive some excuse with a view to promote and assist the efficacy for detaining the young lady at home, with- of his elixir; and, when he thought her dism.lt giving her cause to believe she was ap- position was properly adapted for the theme, ADVENTURES OF PEREGRINE PICKLE. 201 negan to ply her with all the elocution of obstinately deaf to his entreaties, he assured love. In order to elevate his own spirits to her, that he would, in a few minutes, comply that pitch of resolution which his scheme re- with her request; and, in the mean time, quired, he drank two whole bottles of Bur- begged she would fortify herself against the gundy, which inflamed his passion to such a cold with a cordial, which he poured out in degree, that he found himself capable of un- her presence, and which (now that her susdertaking and perpetrating any scheme for picion was aroused) she refused to taste, notthe gratification of his desire. withstanding all his importunities. He then Emilia, warmed by so many concurring fell on his knees before her, and the tears incentives, in favour of the man she loved, gushing from his eyes, swore that his passion abated considerably of her wonted reserve, was wound up to such a pitch of impatience, listened to his protestations with undissem- that he could no longer live upon the unsubbled pleasure, and, in the confidence of her stantial food of expectation; and that, if she satisfaction, even owned him absolute master would not vouchsafe to crown his happiness, of her affections. Ravished with this con- he would forthwith sacrifice himself to her fession, he now deemed himself on the brink disdain. Such an abrupt address, accompaof reaping the delicious fruits of his art and nied with all the symptoms of frantic agitaassiduity; and the morning being already tion, could not fail to perplex and affright pretty far advanced, assented with rapture to the gentle Emilia, who, after some recollecthe'first proposal she made of retiring to her tion, replied with a resolute tone, that she lodgings. The blinds of the chariot being could not see what reason he had to comrn. pulled up, he took advantage of the favoura- plain of her reserve, which she was not at ble situation of her thoughts; and, on pre- liberty to lay entirely aside, until he should tence of being whimsical, in consequence of have vowed his intentions in form, and obthe wine he had swallowed, clasped her in tained the sanction of those whom it was her his arms, and imprinted a thousand kisses on duty to obey. "Divine creature!" (cried her pouting lips, a freedom which she par- he, seizing her hand, and pressing it to his' doned as the privilege of intoxication. While lips), " It is from you alone I hope for that he thus indulged himself with impunity, the condescension which would overwhelm me carriage halted, and Pipes opening the door, with transports of celestial bliss. The senhis master handed her into the passage, be- timents of parents are sordid, silly, and confore she perceived that it was not her uncle's fined: mean not then to subject my passion house at which they had alighted. to such low restrictions as were calculated Alarmed at this discovery, she, with some for the purposes of common life. My love is confusion, desired to know his reason for too delicate and refined to wear those vulgar conducting her to a strange place at these fetters, which serve only to destroy the merit hours; but he made no reply, until he had of voluntary affection, and to upbraid a man led her into an apartment, then he gave'her incessantly with the articles of compulsion, to understand, that, as her uncle's family under which he lies. My dear angel! spare must be disturbed by her going thither so me the mortification of being compelled to late in the night, and the streets near Temrn- love you, and reign sole empress of my heart ple-bar were infested by a multitude of rob- and fortune. I will not affront you so much bers and cut-throats, he had ordered his as to talk of settlements; my all is at your coachman to halt at this house, which was disposal. In this pocket-book are notes to kept by a relation of his, a mighty good sort the amount of two thousand pounds; do me of a gentlewoman, who would be proud of an the pleasure to accept of them; to-morrow I opportunity to accommodate a person for will lay ten thousand more in your lap. In whom he was known to entertain such ten- a word, you shall be mistress of my whole derness and esteem. estate, and I shall think myself happy in livEmilia had too much penetration to be im- ing dependent on your bounty!" posed upon by this plausible pretext; in spite Heavens! what were the emotions of the of her partiality for Peregrine, which had virtuous, the sensible, the delicate, the tender never been inflamed to such a pitch of com- Emilia's heart, when she heard this insolent placency before, she comprehended his whole declaration from the mouth of a man whom plan in a twinkling. Though her blood boiled she had honoured with her affection and eswith indignation, she thanked him with an teem! it was not simply horror, grief, or inaffected air of serenity for his kind concern, dignation, that she felt, in consequence of and expressed her obligation to his cousin; this unworthy treatment, but the united pangs but, at the same time, insisted upon going of all together, which produced a sort of hyshome, lest her absence should terrify her teric laugh, while she told him that she could uncle and aunt, who, she knew, would not not help admiring his generosity. retire to rest till her return. Deceived by this convulsion, and the iroHe urged her, with a thousand remon- nical compliment that attended it, the lover strances, to consult her own ease and safety, thought he had already made great progress promising to send Pipes into the city, for the in his operations, and that it was now his satisfaction of her relations; but, finding her business to storm the fort by a vigorous as, 2A 202,SMOLLETT'S SELECT WORKS. sault, that he might spare - her the conflsion vinced the people of the house (a certain bagof yielding without resistance. Possessed nio) that he had actually lost his wits. Pipes, by this vain suggestion, he started up, and with great concern, adopted the same opifolding her in his arms, began to obey the nion; and, being assisted by the waiters, furious dictates of his unruly and ungenerous hindered him, by main force, from running desire. - With an air of cool determination, out and pursuing the fair fugitive, whom, in she demanded a parley; and when, upon her his delirium, he alternately cursed and comrepeated request, he granted it, addressed mended, with horrid imprecations and lavish herself to him in these words, while her eyes applause. His faithful valet, having waited gleamed with all the dignity of the most aw- two whole hours, in hopes of seeing this gust ful resentment:-" Sir, I scorn to upbraid you of passion overblown, and perceiving that the with a repetition of your former: vows and paroxysm seemed rather to increase, very protestations, nor will I recapitulate the little prudently sent for a physician of his masarts you have practised to ensnare my heart; ter's acquaintance. who, having considered because, though, by dint of the most perfidi- the circumstances and symptoms of the disous dissimulation, you have found means to order, directed that he should be plentifully deceive my opinion, your utmost efforts have blooded without loss of time, and prescribed never been able to lull the vigilance of my a draught to compose the tumult of his spiconduct, or to engage my affection beyond rits. These orders being punctually perthe power of discarding you without a tear, formed, he grew more calm and tractable, whenever my honour should demand such a recovered his reflection so far as to be sacrifice. Sir, you are unworthy of my con- ashamed of the ecstasy he had undergone, cern or regret, and the sigh which now strug- suffered himself quietly to be undressed and gles from my breast, is the result of sorrow put to bed, where the fatigue, occasioned by for my own want of discernment. As for his exercise at the masquerade, co-operated your present attempt upon my chastty, I with the present disposition of his spirits to despise your power, as I detest your inten- lull him into a profound sleep, which'greatly tion. Though, under the mask of the most tended to the preservation of his intellects. delicate respect, you have decoyed me from Not that he found himself in'a state of peirthe immediate protection of my friends, and feet tranquillity when he awaked about noon. contrived other impious stratagems to ruin The remembrance of what had passed overmy peace and reputation, I confide too much whelmed him with mortification. Emilia's in my own innocence, and' the authority of invectives still sounded in his ears; and, the law, to admit one thought of fear, much while he deeply resented her disdain, he less to sink under the horror of this shocking could not help admiring her spirit, and his situation, into which I have been seduced. heart did homage to her charms. Sir, your behaviour on this occasion is, in all respects, low and contemptible: for, ruffian as you are, yoiu durst not-harbour the thought CHAPTER LXXVII. Of executing your execrable scheme, while you knew my brother was near enough to He endeavours to reconcile himself to his prevent or revenge the- insult: so that you mistress, and expostulates with the uncle, must not only be a treacherous villain, but who forbids him the house. also a most despicable coward." Having expressed' herself in this manner, with a most IN this state of division, he went home lt majestic severity of aspect, she opened the his own lodgings in a chair; and while he door,'and, walking down stairs with surpris- deliberated with himself whether he should ing resolution, committed herself'to' the care relinquish the pursuit, and endeavour to banof a watchman, who accommodated her with ish her idea from his breast, or go immedia hackney chair, in which she was safely ately and humble himself before his exaspeconveyed to her uncle's house. rated mistress, and offer his hand as an Meanwhile; the lover was so confounded atonement for his crime, his servant put into and overawed by these cutting reproaches, his hand a packet, which had been delivered and her animated behaviour, that all his reso- by a ticket-porter at the door. He no sooner lutmon forsook him, and he found himself not perceived that.the superscription was in Emionly incapable of obstructing her retreat, but lia's hand-writing, than he gluessed the naeven of uttering one syllable to deprecate her ture of the contents; and opening the seal wrath, or extenuate the guilt of his own con- with disordered eagerness, found the jewels duct. The nature of his disappointment, and he had given to her, inclosed in a billet, the keen remorse that seized him, when he couched in these words:reflected upon the dishonourable footing on "That I may have no cause to reproach which his character stood with Emilia, raised myself with having retained the least memosuch perturbation in his mind, that his silence rial of a wretch whom I equally despise and was succeeded by a violent fit'of distraction, abhor, I take this opportunity'of restoring during which he raved like a bedlamite, and these ineffectual instruments of his infamous acted a thousand extravagancies, which con- design upon the honour of EMILIA." ADVENTURES OF PEREGRINE PICKLE. 203 His chagrin was so much galled and.in- though it was not attended with the expectflamed at the bitterness of this contemptuous ed success. message, that he gnawed his fingers till the Emilia, whose caution was equally vigilant blood ran over his nails, and even wept with and commendable, foreseeing that she might vexation. Sometimes he vowed revenge be exposed to the fertility of his invention. against her haughty virtue. and reviled him- came home by a private passage, and entered self for his precipitate declaration, before his by a postern, which was altogether unknowm scheme was brought to maturity; then he to her admirer; and her uncle did not arrive would consider her behaviour with reverence until it was so late that he could not, with and regard, and bow before the irresistible any decency, demand a conference. power of her attractions. In short, his breast Next morning he did not fail to present was torn by conflicting passions; love, shame, himself at the door,; and his mistress being and remorse, contended with vanity, ambi- denied by her own express direction, insisted tion, and revenge; and the superiority was upon seeing the master of the house, who restill doubtful, when headstrong desire inter- ceived him with such coldness of civility, as posed, and decided in favour of an attempt plainly gave him to understand that he was towards a reconciliation with the offended acquainted with the displeasure of his niece. fair. He, therefore, with an air of candour, told Impelled by this motive, he set out in the the citizen, he could easily perceive by his afternoon for the house of her uncle, not behaviour that he was the confidant of Miss without hopes of that tender enjoyment Emilia, of whom he was come to ask pardon which never fails to attend an accommoda- for the offence he had given; and did not tion betwixt two lovers of taste and sensibili- doubt, if he could be admitted to her prety. Though the consciousness of his tres- sence, that he should be able to convince her pass encumbered him with an air of awkward that he had not erred intentionally, or at confusion, he was too confident of his own' least propose such reparation as would effecqualifications and address to despair of for- tually atone- for his fault. giveness; and, by the time he arrived at the To this remonstrance the merchant, withcitizen's gate, he had conned a very artful out any ceremony or circumlocution, answerand pathetic harangue, which he proposed to ed, that though he was ignorant of the nautter in his own behalf, laying the blame of ture of his offence, he was very certain that his conduct on the impetuosity of his pas- it must have been something very flagrant sion, increased by the Burgundy, which he that could irritate his niece to such a degree, had too liberally drank: but he did not meet against a person for whom she had formerly with an opportunity to avail himself of this a most particular regard. He owned, she preparation. Emilia, suspecting that he had declared her intention to renounce his would take some step of this kind to re- acquaintance for ever, and, doubtless, she trieve her favour, had gone abroad, on pre- had good reason for so doing; neither would tence of visiting, after having signified to he undertake to promote an accommodation, her kinsman her resolution to avoid the com- unless he would give him full power to treat pany of Peregrine, on account of some am- on the score of matrimony, which hlie supbiguities which, she said, were last night re- posed would, be the only means of evincing markable in his demeanour at the masque- his own sincerity, and obtaining Emilia's forrade. She chose to insinuate her suspicion giveness. in these hints, rather than give an explicit Peregrine's pride was kindled by this blunt detail of the young man's dishonourable con- declaration, which he could not help consitrivance, which might have kindled the re- dering as the result of a scheme concerted sentment of the family to some dangerous betwixt the young lady and her uncle,'in pitch of animosity and revenge.. order to take the advantage of his heat. He Our adventurer, finding himself baffled in therefore replied, with manifest signs of dishis expectation of seeing her, inquired for gust, that he did not apprehend there was the old gentleman, with whom he thought he any occasion for a mediator to reconcile the had influence enough to make his apology difference betwixt Emilia and him; and that hood, in case he should find him prepossessed all he desired was an opportunity of pleading by the.young lady's information. But here in his own behalf: too he was disappointed, the uncle having The citizen frankly told him, that, as his gone to dine in the country,' and his wife was niece had expressed an earnest desire of indisposed; so that he had no pretext for avoiding his company,- he would not put the staying in the house till the return of his least constraint upon her inclination; and, in charmer. Being, however, fruitful of expe- the mean time, gave him to know, that he dients, he dismissed his chariot, and took was particularly engaged. possession of a room in a tavern, the win- Our hero, glowing with indignation at this dows of which fronted the merchant's gate; supercilious treatment, " I was in the wrong," and there he proposed to watch until he said he, "to look for good manners so far on should see her approach. This scheme he this side. of Temple-bar: but:you'must give put ill practice with indefatigable patience, me leave to tell vou, Sir, that unless I aI:a 204 SMOLLETT'S SELECT WORKS. favoured with an interview with Miss Gaunt- he and his fellow scout had discovered a let, I shall conclude that you have actually chaise and six, driving at full speed towards laid a constraint upon her inclination, for them; upon which they had flapped their some sinister purposes of your own." " Sir," hats over their eyes, so as they might not be (replied the old gentleman), "you are wel- known, in case they should be seen, and concome to make what conclusions shall seem cealed themselves behind a hedge, from good unto your own imagination; but pray whence they could perceive in the carriage, be so good as to allow me the privilege of as it passed, a young man plainly dressed, being master in my own house." So saying, with a lady in a mask, of the exact size, he very complaisantly showed him to the shape, and air of Emilia; and that Pipes foldoor; and our lover, being diffident of his lowed them at a distance, while he rode back own temper, as well as afraid of being used to communicate this piece of intelligence. with greater indignity, in a place where his Peregrine would scarce allow him time to personal prowess would only serve to conclude his information. He ran down to heighten his disgrace, quitted the house in a the stable, where his horse was kept ready transport of rage, which he could not wholly saddled for the purpose, and never doubting suppress, telling the landlord, that, if his age that the lady in question was his mistress, did not protect him, he would have chastised attended by one of her uncle's clerks, mounthim for his insolent behaviour. ed immediately, and rode full gallop after the chaise, which (when he had proceeded about two miles) he understood from Pipes, had put CHAPTER LXXV1II. up at a neighbouring inn. Though his incli. nation prompted him to enter her apartment He projects a violent scheme, in con- without farther delay, he suffered himself to sequence of which he is involved in a be dissuaded from taking such a precipitate most fatiguing adventure, which greatly step, by his privy counsellor, who observed, tends towards the augmentation of his that it would be impracticable to execute his chagrin. purpose of conveying her against her will from a public inn, that stood in the midst of THUS debarred of personal communication a populous village, which would infallibly with his mistress, he essayed to retrieve her rise in her defence. He advised him theregood graces by the most submissive and pa- fore to lie in wait for the chaise, in some re. thetic letters, which he conveyed by divers mote and private part of the road, where artifices to her perusal; but reaping no man- they might accomplish their aim without difner of benefit from these endeavours, his ficulty or danger. In consequence of this passion acquired a degree of impatience little admonition, our adventurer ordered Pipes to inferior to downright frenzy; and he de- reconnoitre the inn, that she might not escape termined to run every risk of life, fortune, another way, while he and the valet, in order and reputation, rather than desist from his to avoid being seen, took a circuit by an unjustifiable pursuit. Indeed, his resentment unfrequented path, and placed themselves in was now as deeply concerned as his love, ambush, on a spot which they chose for the and each of these passions equally turbulent scene of their achievement. Here they tarand loud in demanding gratification. He ried a full hour, without seeing the carriage, kept sentinels continually in pay to give him or hearing from their sentinel; so that the notice of her outgoings, in expectation of youth, unable to exert his patience one finding some opportunity to carry her off; moment longer, left the foreigner in his;but her circumspection entirely frustrated station, and rode back to his faithful lacquey, this design; for she suspected every thing who assured him, that the travellers had not of that sort from a disposition like his, and yet hove.up their anchor, or proceeded on regulated her motions accordingly. their voyage. Baffled by her prudence and penetration, Notwithstanding this intimation, Pickle he altered his plan. On pretence of being began to entertain such alarming suspicions, called to his country house by some affair of that he could not refrain from advancing to importance, he departed from London, and, the gate, and inquire for the company which taking lodgings at a farmer's house that stood had lately arrived in a chaise and six. The near the road through which she must have innkeeper, who was not at all pleased with necessarily passed in her return to her mo- the behaviour of those passengers, did not ther, concealed himself from all intercourse, think proper to observe the instructions he except with his valet de chambre and Pipes, had received; on the contrary, he plainly told who had orders to scour the country, and re- him, that the chaise did not halt, but only connoitre every horse, coach, or carriage, entered at one door, and went out at the that should appear on that highway, with a other, with a view to deceive those who view of intercepting his Amanda in her pas- pursued it, as he guessed from the words of sage. the gentleman, who had earnestly desired that He had waited in this ambuscade a whole his route might be concealed from any person week, when his valet gave him notice, that who should inquire about their motions ADVENTURES OF PEREGRINE PICKLE. 205 "As for my own peart, measter," (continued profited so much by this disaster, that the this charitable publican), " I believes as how chaise vanished in a moment. they are no better than they should be, else It may be easily conceived how a young they wouldn't be in such a deadly fear of man of his disposition passed his time in this being overtaken. Methinks, (said I, when I tantalizing situation. He ejaculated with saw them in such a woundy pother to be great fervency, but his prayers were not the gone), oddsheartlinkins! this must be some effects of resignation. He ran back on foot, London'prentice running away with his with incredible'speed, in order to meet his measter's daughter, as sure as I'm a living valet, whom he unhorsed in a twinkling: soul. But, be he who he will, sartain it is, a and, taking this seat, began to exercise his has nothing of the gentleman about en; for, whip and spurs, after having ordered the thof a asked such a favour, a never once put Swiss to follow him on the other gelding, hand in pocket, or said, Dog, will you drink? and committed the lame hunter to the care Howsomever, that don't argufy in reverence of Pipes. of his being in a hurry; and a man may be Matters being adjusted in this manner, our sometimes a little too judgmatical in his con- adventurer prosecuted the race with all his jectures." In all probability, this loquacious might; and, having made some progress, landlord would have served the traveller was informed by a countryman, that the' effectually, had Peregrine heard him to an chaise had struck off into another road, and, end; but this impetuous youth, far from according to his judgment, was by that time listening to the sequel of his observations, about three miles a-head; though, in all pro. interrupted him in the beginning of his bability, the horses would not be able to hold career, by asking eagerly which road they out much longer, because they seemed to be followed; and, having received the innkeeper's quite spent when they passed his door. Endirections, clapped spurs to his horse, com- couraged by this intimation, Peregrine pushed manding Pipes to make the valet acquainted on with great alacrity, though he could not with his course, that they might attend him regain sight of the desired object, till the with all imaginable dispatch. clouds of night began to deepen, and even By the publican's account of their conduct, then he enjoyed nothing more than a tranhis former opinion was fully confirmed. He sient glimpse; for the carriage was no sooner plied his steed to the height of his mettle; seen, than shrouded again from his view. and so much was his imagination engrossed These vexatious circumstances animated his by the prospect of having Emilia in his endeavours while they irritated his chagrin: power, that he did not perceive the road on in short, he continued his pursuit till the which he travelled was quite different from night was far advanced, and himself so unthat which led to the habitation of Mrs certain about the object of his care, that he Gauntlet. The valet de chambre was an entered a solitary inn, with a view of obtainutter stranger to that part of the country; ing some intelligence, when, to his infinite and as for Mr Pipes, such considerations joy, he perceived the chaise standing by itwere altogether foreign to the economy of self, and the horses panting in the yard. In his reflexion. full confidence of his having arrived at last Ten long miles had our hero rode, when at the goal of all his wishes, he alighted inhis eyes were blessed with the sight of the stantaneously, and, running up to the coachchaise ascending an hill, at the distance of a man, with a pistol in his hand, commanded good league; upon which he doubled his him, in an imperious tone, to conduct him to diligence in such a manner, that he gained the lady's chamber, on pain of death. The upon the carriage every minute, and at length driver, affrighted at this menacing address, approached so near to it, that he could dis- protested, with great humility, that he did cern the lady and her conductor, with their not know whither his fare had retired; for heads thrust out at the windows, looking that he himself was paid and dismissed from back, and speaking to the driver alternately, the service, because he would not undertake as if they earnestly besought him to augment to drive them all night across the country, the speed of his cattle. without stopping to refresh his horses; but Being thus, as it were, in sight of port, he promised to go in quest of the waiter, while he crossed the road, his horse happen- who would show him to their apartment. ed to plunge into a cart-rut with such vio- He was accordingly detached on that errand, lence, that he was thrown several yards over while our hero stood sentinel at the gate, till his head; and the beast's shoulder being the arrival of his valet de chambre, who, slipped by the fall, he found himself disabled joining him by accident before the coachman from plucking the fruit which was almost returned, relieved him in his watch; and within his reach; for he had left his servants then the young gentleman, exasperated at at a considerable distance behind him; and his messenger's delay, rushed, with fury in although they had been at his back, and sup- his eyes, from room to room, denouncing plied him with another horse, they were so vengeance upon the whole family; but he indfilhrently mounted, that he could not did not meet with one living soul, until he reasonably expect to overtake the flyers, who entered the garret, where he found the land. 206 SMOLLETT'S SELECT WORKS. lord and his wife in bed. This chicken- Peregrine not only relished, but forthwith hearted couple, by the light of a rush candle acted in conformity with, this good counsel. that burned on the hearth, seeing a stranger His own horses were committed to the charge burst into the chamber in such a terrible at- of the landlord, with directions for Pipes, in titude, were seized with consternation; and, case he should come in quest of his master; exalting their voices, in a most lamentable and a couple of stout geldings being preparstrain, begged, for the passion of Christ, that ed, he and his valet took the road again, he would spare their lives, and take all they steering their course according to the mohad. tions of the post-boy, who undertook to be Peregrine guessing, from this exclamation, their guide. They had almost finished the and the circumstance of their being a-bed, first stage, when they descried a post-chaise that they mistook him for a robber, and were just halting at the inn where they proposed ignorant of that which he wanted to know, to change horses; upon which our adven dispelled their terror, by making them ac- turer, glowing with a most interesting pre quainted with the cause of his visit, and de- sage, put his beast to the full speed, and ap sired the husband to get up with all possible' proached near enough to distinguish (as the dispatch, in order to assist and attend him in travellers quitted the carriage) that he had a his search. last come up with the very individual persons Thus reinforced, he rummaged every cor- whom he had pursued so long. ner of the inn, and, at last, finding the hostler Flushed with this discovery, he galloped in the stable, was by him informed (to his un- into the yard so suddenly, that the lady and speakable mortification), that the gentleman her conductor scarce had time to shut themand lady who arrived in the chaise, had imme- selves up in a chamber, to which they rediately hired post-horses for a'certain village treated with great precipitation; so that the at the distance of fifteen miles, and departed pursuer was now certain of having housed without halting for the least refreshment. his prey. That he might, however, leave Our adventurer, mad with his disappointment, nothing to fortune, he placed himself upon mounted his horse in an instant, and, with the stair by which they had ascended to the his attendant, took the same road, with full apartment, and sent up his compliments to determination to die, rather than desist from the young lady, desiring the favour of being the prosecution of his design.- He had, by admitted to her presence, otherwise he this time, rode upwards of thirty miles since should be obliged to wave all ceremony, and three o'clock in the afternoon;so that the take that liberty which she would not give. horses were almost quite jaded, and travelled The servant, having:conveyed his message this stage so slowly, that it was morning through the keyhole, returned with an before they reached the place of their desti- answer, importing, that she would adhere to nation, where, far from finding the fugitives, the resolution she had taken and perish he understood, that no such persons as he rather than comply with his will. Our addescribed had passed that way, and that, in all venturer, without staying to make any relikelihood, they had taken a quite contrary joinder to this reply, ran up stairs, and, direction, while, in order to mislead him in thundering at the door for entrance, was his pursuit, they had arnmused the hostler with given to understand by the nymph's attendant, a false route. This conjecture was strength- that a blunderbuss was ready primed for his ened by his perceiving (now for the first time) reception, and that he would do well to spare'that he had deviated a considerable way from him the necessity of shedding blood in dethe road, through which they must have jour- fence of a person who had put herself undel neyed, in order to arrive at the place of her his protection. "All the laws of the land," mother's residence; and these suggestions (said he) "cannot now untie the knots by utterly deprived him of the small remains of which we are bound together, and therefore recollection which he had hitherto-retained. I will guard her as my own property: so that His eyes rolled about, witnessing rage and you had better desist from your fruitless atdistraction; he foamed at the mouth, stamp- tempt, and thereby consult your own safety; ed upon the ground with great violence, ut- for, by the God that made me! I will distered incoherent imprecations against him- charge my piece upon you, as soon as you self and all mankind, and would have sallied set your nose within the door-and your forth again, he knew not whither, upon the blood be upon your own head." These mesame horse, which he had already almost naces from a citizen's clerk would have been killed with fatigue, had not his confidant sufficient motives for Pickle to storm the found means to quiet the tumult of his breach, although they had not been reinforced thoughts, and recal his reflexion, by re- by that declaration, which informed him of presenting the condition of the poor animals, Emilia's having bestowed herself in marriage and advising - him to hire fresh horses, and upon such a contemptible rival. This sole ride post across the country, to the village in consideration added wings to his impetuosithe, neighbourhood of Mrs Gauntlet's habi- ty, and he applied his foot to the door, with tation,wherethey should infallibly intercept such irresistible force, as bursted it open in provided they could get the an instant, entering at the same time with a n the road. ADVENTURES OF PEREGRINE PICKLE. 207 pistol ready cocked in his hand. His anta- whenever he found himself able to hold the gonist, instead of firing his blunderbuss when pen, wrote a letter to Mrs Gauntlet, wherein he saw his approach, started back, with he acknowledged, with many expressions of evident signs of surprise and consternation, sorrow and contrition, that he had acted a exclaiming, "Lord Jesus! Sir, you are not part altogether unbecoming a man of honour, the man! and, without doubt, are under and should never enjoy the least tranquillity some mistake with regard to us." of mind, until he should have merited her Before Peregrine had time to answer this forgiveness. He protested, that although salutation, the lady, hearing it, advanced to his happiness entirely depended upon the him, and pulling off a mask, discovered a determination of Emilia, he would even reface which he had never seen before. The nounce all hope of being blessed with her Gorgon's head, according to the fables of' favour, if she could point out any other'meantiquity, never had a more instantaneous or thod of making reparation to that amiable petrifying effect, than that which this coun- young lady, but by laying his heart and fortenance produced upon the astonished youth. tune at her feet, - and submitting himself to His eyes were fixed upon this unknown ob- her pleasure during the remaining part of his ject, as if they had been attracted by the life. He conjured her, therefore, in the most power of enchantment, his feet seemed rivet- pathetic manner, to pardon him, in consideted to the ground, and, after having stood ration of his sincere repentance, and to use motionless for the space of a few minutes, her maternal influence with her daughter, so he dropped down in an apoplexy of disap- as that he might be permitted to wait upon pointment and despair. The Swiss, who had her with a wedding ring, as soon as his followed him, seeing his master in this con- health would allow him to undertake the dition, lifted him up, and laying him upon a journey. bed in the next room, let him blood imme- This explanation being dispatched by diately, without hesitation, being always pro- Pipes, who had, by this time, found his masvided with a case of lancets, against all:acci- ter, the young gentleman inquired about the dents on the road. To this foresight our couple whom he had so fortunately pursued, hero, in all probability, was indebted for his and understood from his valet-de-chambre, life. By virtue of a very copious evacuation, who learned the story from their own he recovered the use of his senses; but the mouths, that the lady was the only daughter complication of fatigues and violent trans- of a rich Jew, and her attendant no other ports which he had undergone, brewed up a than his apprentice, who had converted her dangerous fever in his blood; and a physi- to christianity, and married her at the same cian being called from the next market-town, time; that this secret having taken air,' the several days elapsed before he would answer old Israelite had contrived a scheme to se'pafor his life. rate them for ever; and they, being apprised of his intention, had found means to elope from his house, with a view of sheltering CHAPTER LXXIX. themselves in France, until the affair could be made up; that, seeing three men ride Peregrine sends a message to lVirs Gaunt- after them with such eagerness and speed, let, who rejects his proposal-he repairs they never doubted that the pursuers were to the garrison. her father, and some friends or domestics, and on that supposition had fled with the utAT length, however, his constitution over- most dispatch and trepidation, until they had came his disease, though not before it had in found themselves happily undeceived,;: at that a great measure tamed the fury of his dispo- very instant when they expected nothing but sition, and brought him to a serious conside- mischief and misfortune. Lastly, the Swiss ration of his conduct. In this humiliation of gave him to understand, that, after having his spirits, he reflected with shame and re- professed some concern for' his deplorable morse upon his treachery to the fair, the in- situation, and enjoyed a slight refreshment, nocent Erilia; he remembered his former they had taken their departure for Dover, sentiments in her favour, as well as the in- and, in all likelihood, were safely arrived at junctions of his dying uncle; he recollected Paris. his intimacy with her brother, against which In four-and-twenty hours after Pipes was he had so basely sinned; and, revolving all charged with his commission, he brought the circumstances of her conduct, found it so back an answer from the mother of Emilia, commendable, spirited, and noble. that he couched in these words:deemed her an object of sufficient dignity to SIR, I received the favour of yours, and merit his honourable addresses, even though am glad, for your own sake, that you have his duty had not been concerned in the deci- attained a due sense and conviction of your sion; but, obligated as he was to make re- unkind and unchristian behaviour to poor paration to a worthy family, which he had Emy. I thank God, none of my children so grossly injured, he thought he could not were ever so insulted before. Give mne leave manifest his reformation too soon; and, to tell you, Sir, my daughter was no upstart, 18 208 SMOLLETT'S SELECT WORKS. without friends or education, but a young that her reputation might not suffer by a prelady, as well bred, and better born, than most cipitate engagement. His next care was to private gentlewomen in the kingdom; and, give orders for erecting a plain marble monutherefore, though you had no esteem for her ment to the memory of his uncle, on which person, you ought to have paid some regard the following inscription, composed by the to her family, which (no disparagement to bridegroom, actually appeared in golden letyou, Sir,) is more honourable than your own. ters. As for your proposal, Miss Gauntlet will not Here lies, hear of it, being that she thinks her honour Foundered in a fathom and half, will not allow her to listen to any terms of The shell reconciliation; and she is not yet so desti- Of tute, as to embrace an offer to which she has HAWSER TRUNNION, Esq. the least objection. In the mean time, she Formerly commander of a squadron is so much indisposed, that she cannot pos- In his majesty's service; sibly see company; so I beg you will not Who broach'd to, at five P. M. Oct. x. take the trouble of making a fruitless journey In the year of his age to this place. Perhaps your future conduct Threescore and nineteen. may deserve her forgiveness; and really, as He kept his guns always loaded, I am concerned for your happiness (which And his tackle ready mann'd, you assure me depends upon her condescen- And never showed his poop to the enemy sion), I wish with all my heart it may; and Except when he took her in tow; am (notwithstanding all that has happened) But, "Your sincere well-wisher, His shot being expended, " CECILIA GAUNTLET." His match burnt out, From this epistle, and the information of And his upper works decayed, his messenger, our hero learned, that his He was sunk mistress had actually profited by his wild- By death's superior weight of metal. goose chase, so as to make a safe retreat to Nevertheless, her mother's house. Though sorry to hear He will be weighed again of her indisposition, he was also piqued at At the Great Day, her implacability, as well as at some stately His rigging refitted, paragraphs of the letter, in which (he And his timbers repaired, thought) the good lady had consulted her And with one broadside, own vanity, rather than her good sense. Make his adversary These motives of resentment helped him to Strike in his turn. bear his disappointment like a philosopher, especially as he had now quieted his conscience, in proffering to redress the injury he CHAPTER LXXX. had done: and, moreover, found himself, with regard to his love, in a calm state of He returns to London, and meets with Cadhope and resignation. wallader, who entertains him with many A seasonable fit of illness is an excellent curious particulars- Crabtree sounds the medicine for the turbulence of passion. Such duchess, and undeceives Pickle, who, by a reformation had the fever produced in the an extraordinary accident, becomes aceconomy of his thoughts, that he moralized quainted with another lady of quality. like an apostle, and projected several prudential schemes for his future conduct. THE young gentleman having performed In the mean time, as soon as his health these last offices in honour of his deceased was sufficiently re-established, he took a trip benefactor, and presented Mr Jolter to the to the garrison, in order to visit his friends; long-expected living, which at this time hapand learned from Hatchway's own mouth, pened to be vacant, returned to London and that he had broke the ice of courtship to his resumed his former gaiety-not that he was aunt, and that his addresses were now fairly able to shake Emilia from his thought, or afloat; though, when he first declared him- even to remember her without violent emoself to the widow, after she had been duly tions; for, as he recovered his vigour, his prepared for the occasion, by her niece and former impatience recurred; and, therefore, the rest of her friends, she had received his he resolved to plunge himself headlong into proposal with a becoming reserve, and pi- some intrigue, that might engage his passions ously wept at the remembrance of her hus- and amuse his imagination. band, observing, that she should never meet A man of his accomplishments could not with his fellow. fail to meet with a variety of subjects on Peregrine promoted the libutenant's suit which his gallantry would have been properly with all his influence; and all Mrs Trun- exercised; and this abundance distracted his nion's objections to the match being sur- choice, which at any time was apt to be in amounted, it was determined, that the day of fluenced by caprice and whim. I have al marriage should be put off for three months, ready observed, that he had lifted his view ADVENTURES OF PEREGRINE PICKLE. 209 through a matrimonial perspective, as high the interest of our hero; and a plan was imas a lady of the first quality and distinction; mediately concerted, in consequence of which and, now that he was refused by Miss Gaunt- they met by accident at her grace's table. let, and enjoyed a little respite from the ago- Pickle having staid all the forepart of the nies of that flame which her charms hadkin- evening, and sat out all the company, except dled in his heart, he renewed his assiduities the misanthrope and a certain widow lady, to her grace. Though he durst not yet risk who was said to be in the secrets of my lady an explanation, he enjoyed the pleasure of duchess, went away on pretence of an inseeing himself so well received in quality of dispensable engagement, that Crabtree might a particular acquaintance, that he flattered have a proper opportunity of making him the himself with the belief of his having made subject of conversation. some progress in her heart; and was con- Accordingly, he had scarce quitted the firmed in this conceited notion by the assu- apartment, when this cynic, attending him to rances of her woman, whom, by liberal lar- the door with a look of morose disdain, gesses, he retained in his interest, because " Were I an absolute prince," said he, "1 and she found means to persuade him that she that fellow one of my subjects, I would order was in the confidence of her lady. But, him to be clothed in sackcloth, and he should notwithstanding this encouragement, and the drive my asses to water, that his lofty spin sanguine suggestions of his own vanity, he might be lowered to the level of his deserts. dreaded the thoughts of exposing himself to The pride of a peacock is downright selfher ridicule and resentment by a premature denial, when compared with the vanity of declaration, and determined to postpone his that coxcomb, which was naturally arrogant, addresses, until he should be more certified but is now rendered altogether intolerable, of the probability of succeeding in his at- by the reputation he acquired at Bath, for tempt. kicking a bully, outwitting a club of raw While he remained in this hesitation and sharpers, and divers other pranks, in the exe. suspense, he was one morning very agreeably cution of which he was more lucky than surprised with the appearance of his friend wise. But nothing has contributed so much Crabtree, who, by the permission of Pipes, to the increase of his insolence and selfto whom he was well known, entered his conceit, as the favour he found among the chamber before he was awake, and, by a ladies. Ay, the ladies, madam, I care not violent shake of the shoulder, disengaged him who knows it-the ladies, who (to their from the arms of sleep. The first com- honour be it spoken) never fail to patronize pliments having mutually passed, Cadwalla- foppery and folly, provided they solicit their der gave him to understand, that he had ar- encouragement. And yet this dog was not rived in town over night in the stage-coach on the footing of those hermaphroditical from Bath, and entertained him with such. a animals, who may be reckoned among the ludicrous account of his fellow-travellers, number of waiting women, who air your that Peregrine, for the first time since their shifts, comb your lap-dogs, examine your parting, indulged himself in mirth, even to noses with magnifying glasses, in order to the hazard of suffocation. squeeze out the worms, clean your teethCrabtree, having rehearsed these adven- brushes, sweeten your handkerchiefs, and tures, in such a peculiarity of manner as ad- soften waste paper for your occasions. This ded infinite ridicule to every circumstance, fellow Pickle was entertained for more imand repeated every scandalous report which portant purposes; his turn of duty never had circulated at Bath, after Peregrine's de- came till all those lapwings were gone to parture, was informed by the youth, that he roost; then he scaled windows, leaped over harboured a design upon the person of such garden walls, and was let in by Mrs Betty in a duchess, and in all appearance had no the dark. Nay, the magistrates of Bath reason to complain of his reception; but that complimented him with the freedom of the he would not venture to declare himself, un- corporation, merely because, through his til he should be more ascertained of her sen- means, the waters had gained extraordinary timents; and therefore he begged leave to credit; for every female of a tolerable apdepend upon the intelligence of his friend pearance, that went thither on account of Cadwallader, who, he knew, was admitted her sterility, got the better of her complaint to her parties. during her residence at Bath: and now the The misanthrope, before he would promise fellow thinks no woman can withstand his his assistance, asked if his prospect verged addresses. He had not been here three mitowards matrimony; and our adventurer nutes, when I could perceive, with half an (who guessed the meaning of his question) eye, that he had marked out your grace for replying in the negative, he undertook the a conquest-I mean in an honourable way; office of reconnoitring her inclination, pro- though the rascal has impudence enough to testing at the same time, that he would attempt any thing." So saying, he fixed his never concern himself in any scheme that did eyes upon the duchess, who (while her face not tend to the disgrace and deception of all glowed with indignation), turningto her conthe sex. On these conditions he espoused fidant, expressed herself in these words: —. 2B ;210 SMOLLETT'S SELECT WORKS. "Upon my life! I believe there is actually squired by him in any place of public entersome truth in what this old ruffian says; I tainment. Not but that this sage was ochave myself observed that young fellow casionally useful to his fellow-creatures, by eyeing me with a very particular stare." "It these connexions with peopleof fortune;; for is not to be at all wondered at," said her he often undertook to solicit charity in behalf friend, "that a youth of his complexion of distressed objects, with a view of emshould be sensible to the charms of your bezzling one half of the benefactions. It grace! but I dare say he would not presume was an errand of this kind that now brought to entertain any but the most honourable and him to the house of her grace. respectful sentiments." " Respectful sen- After having sat a few minutes, he told timents!" cried my lady, with a look of in- the company that he would favour them with effhble disdain, "If I thought the fellow had a very proper opportunity to extend their assurance enough to think of me in any benevolence, for the relief of a poor gentleshape, I protest I would forbid him my house. woman, who was reduced to the most abject Upon my honour, such instances of audacity misery by the death of her husband, and just should induce persons of quality to keep your delivered of a couple of fine boys. They, small gentry at a greater distance; for they moreover, understood from his information,. are very apt to' grow impudent, upon the that this object was the daughter of a good least countenahce'or encouragement." family, who had renounced her in conseCadwallader, satisfied with this declaration, quence of her marrying an ensign without a changed the subject of discourse, and next fortune, and even obstructed: his promotion day communicated his discovery to his friend with all their influence and power; a circumPickle, who upon this occasion felt the most stance of barbarity. which had made such an stinging sensations of mortified pride, and impression upon his mind, as disordered his resolved to quit his prospect with a good brain, and drove him to despair, in a fit of grace. Nor did the execution of this self- which he had made away with himself, denying scheme cost him one moment's un- leaving his wife, then big with child, to all easiness; for his heart had never been inter- the horrors of indigence and grief. ested in the pursuit, and his vanity triumph- Various were.the criticisms on this pathetic ed in the thoughts of manifesting his indif- picture, which the old man drew with great ference, Accordingly, the very next time he expression. My lady duchess concluded, visited her grace, his behaviour was re- that she must be a creature'void of all feeling markably frank, sprightly, and disengaged; and reflection, who could survive such agand the subject of love being artfully intro- gravated misery; therefore, did not deserve duced by the widow, who had been directed to be relieved, except in the character of a to sound his inclinations,' he rallied the pas- common beggar; and was generous enough sion with great ease and severity, and' made to offer a recommendation, by which she no scruple of declaring himself heart-whole. would be admittbd into an infirmary, to which Though the duchess had resented his sup- her grace was a subscriber; at the same time posed affection, she was now offended at his advising the solicitor to send the twins:to the insensibility, and even signified her disgust, Foundling-hospital. where they would be by observing, that perhaps his attention to carefully nursed and brought up, so as to behis own qualifications screened him from the come useful members to the commonwealth. impression of all other objects. Another lady, with all due deference to the Whiie he enjoyed this sarcasm, the mean- opinion of the duchess, was free enough to ing of which he could: plainly discern, the blame the generosity of her grace, which company was joined by a certain virtuoso, would only serve to encourage children in who had gained free access to all the great disobedience to their parents, and might be families of the land, by his notable talent of the means not only of prolonging the distress gossiping and buffoonery. He was now in of the wretched creature, but also of ruining the seventy-fifth year of his. age; his birth the constitution of some young heir, perhaps was so obscure, that he scarce knew his fa- the hope'of a great family! for she did supther's name; his. education suitable to: the pose that madam, when her month should be dignity of his descent; his character publicly up, and her brats disposed of, would spread branded with homicide, profligacy, and breach her attractions to the public (provided of trust; yet this man, by the happy in- she could profit by her person), and, in the heritance:of impregnable effrontery, and a usual way, make a regular progress from St lucky prostitution of all principle in rendering James's to Drurylane. She apprehended, for himself subservient to the appetites of the these reasons, that their compassion would great, had attained to an independency of be most effectually shown in leaving her to fortune, as well as to such a particular share perish in her present necessity; and that of favour among the quality, that,: although the old gentleman would be unpardonable, he was well known to hlave pimped:for three should he persist in his endeavours to -relieve generations of the nobility, there was not a her. A third member of this tender-hearted lady of fashion in the -kingdom who scrupled society, after having asked if the young wo. to admit him to her toilette, or even to be man was handsome and being answered in ADVENTURES OF PEREGRINE PICKLE. 211 the negative, allowed that there was a great pounds, he was favoured with such a look of deal of reason in what had been said by the complacency by this amiable phantom, who honourable person who had spoke last; nev- might have been justly taken for an angel ertheless, she humbly conceived her sentence ministering to the necessities of mortals, would admit of some mitigation. "Let the that his whole soul was transported with love bantlings," said she, " be sent to the hospital, and veneration. Nor was this prepossession according to the advice of her grace, and a diminished by the information of the widow, small collection be made forthe present sup- who, after having manifested her gratitude port of the mother; and, when her health is in a flood of tears, told him, that the unrecovered, I will take her into my family, in known object of his esteemswas a person of quality of an upper servant, or medium be- honour, who, having heard by accident of tween me and my woman; for, upon my life! her deplorable situation, had immediately I can't endure to chide or give directions to obeyed the dictates of her humanity, and a creature, who is, in point of birth and edu- come in person to relieve her distress; that cation, but one degree above the vulgar." she had not only generously supplied her This proposal met with universal appro- with money for present sustenance, but also bation. The duchess (to her immortal ho- undertaken to provide a nurse for her babes, nour) began the contribution with a crown; and even promised to favour her with proso that the rest of the company were obliged tection, should she survive her present meto restrict their liberality to half the sum, lancholy situation. To these articles of inthat her grace might not be affronted; and telligence she added, that the name of her the proposer demanding the poor woman's benefactress was the celebrated Lady --—, name and place of abode, the old mediator to whose character the youth was no stranger, could not help giving her ladyship a verbal though he had never seen her person before. direction, though he was extremely mortified The killing edge of her charms was a little (on more accounts than one) to find such an blunted by the accidents of time and fortune; issue to his solicitation. but no man of taste and imagination, whose Peregrine, who, " though humorous as nerves were not quite chilled with the frost winter, had a tear for pity, and a hand open of age, could, even at that time, look upon as day for melting charity," was shocked at her with impunity. And as Peregrine saw the nature and result of this ungenerous con- her attractions heightened by the tender ofsultation. He contributed his half-crown, fice in which she. was engaged, he was however; and, retiring from the company, smitten with her beauty, and so ravished betook himself to the lodgings of the forlorn with her compassion, that he could not suplady in the straw, according to the direction press his emotions, but applauded her benehe had heard. Upon inquiry, he understood vo]ence with all the warmth of enthusiasm. that she was then visited by some charitable Her ladyship received his compliments gentlewoman, who had sent for a nurse, and with great politeness and affability. And the waited the return of the messenger; and he occasion on which they met being equally sent up his respects, desiring he might be interesting to both, an acquaintance compermitted to see her, on pretence of havingo menced between them, and they concerted been intimate with her late husband. measures for the benefit of the widow and Though the poor woman had never heard her two children, one of whom our hero beof his name, she did not think proper to deny spoke for his own godson; for Pickle was his request; and he was conducted to a not so obscure in the beau monde, but that paltry chamber in the third story, where he his fame had reached the ears of this lady, found this unhappy widow sitting upon a who, therefore, did not discourage his adtruckle-bed, and suckling one of her-infants, vances towards her friendship and esteem. with the most piteous expression of anguish All the particulars relating to their charge in her features, which. were naturally regular being adjusted, he attended her ladyship to and sweet, while the other was fondled on her own house; and, by her conversation, the knee of a person, whose attention was so had the pleasure of finding her understanding much engrossed by her little charge, that for suitable to her other accomplishments, Nor the present she could mind nothing else: had she any reason to think that our hero's and it was not till after the first compliments qualifications had been exaggerated by compassed betwixt the hapless mother and our mon report. adventurer, that he perceived the stranger's One of their adopted children died before countenance, which inspired him with the it was baptized; so that their care conhighest esteem and admiration. He beheld centered in the other, for whom they stood all the graces of elegance and beauty, breath- sponsors. Understanding that the old agent ing sentiment and beneficence, and softened was become troublesome in his visits to the into the most enchanting tenderness of mother, to whom he now began to administer weeping sympathy. When he declared the such counsel as shocked the delicacy of her cause of his visit, which was no other than virtue, they removed her into another lodging, the desire of befriending the distressed lady, where she would not he exposed to his mato whom he presented a bank-note for twenty chinations. In less than a month, our hero 18 212 SMOLLETT'S SELECT WORKS. learned from a nobleman of his acquaintance, tall for my years; and there my fancy was that the hoary pander had actually engaged quite captivated by the variety of diversions to procure for him this poor afflicted gentle- in which I was continually engaged: not that woman; and being frustrated in his intention, the parties were altogether new to me, but substituted in her room a nymph from the because I now found myself considered as a purlieus of Covent.garden, that made his person of consequence, and surrounded by a lordship smart severely for the favours she crowd of admirers, who courted my acquaintbestowed. i ance, and fed my vanity with praise and Meanwhile, Peregrine cultivated his new adulation. In short, whether or not I deacquaintance with all his art and assiduity, served their encomiums, I leave the world to presuming, from the circumstances of her re- judge; but my person was commended, and putation and fate, as well as on the strength my talent in dancing met with universal of his own merit, that, in time, he should be applause. No wonder, then, that every thing able to indulge that passion which had begun appeared joyous to a young creature, who to glow within his breast. was so void of experience and dissimulation, As her ladyship had undergone a vast va- that she believed every body's heart as sincere riety of fortune and adventure, which he had as her own, and every object such as it apheard indistinctly related, with numberless peared to be. errors and misrepresentations, be was no Among the swains who sighed, or presooner entitled, by the familiarity of coni- tended to sigh, for me, were two that bore a munication, to ask such a favour, than he pretty equal share of my favour (it was too earnestly entreated her to entertain him with superficial to deserve the name of love). the particulars of her story; and by dint of One of these was a forward youth of sixteen, importunity, she was at length prevailed extremely handsome, lively and impudent: upon (in a select party) to gratify his curios- he attended in quality of a page upon the ity, by the account given in the following Princess Amelia, who spent that season at chapter. Bath. The other was a Scots nobleman turned of thirty, who was graced with a red ribbon, and danced particularly well, two CHAPTER LXXXI. qualifications of great weight with a girl of my age, whose heart was not deeply inter. The Memoirs of a Lady of Qualty. ested in the cause. Nevertheless, the page prevailed over this formidable rival; though BY the circumstances of the story which our amour went no farther than a little flirtI am going to relate, you will be convinced ing, and ceased entirely when I left the of my candour, while you are informed of place. my indiscretion: you will be enabled, I hope, Next year, however, I revisited this agreeto perceive, that, howsoever my head may able scene, and passed my time in the same have erred, my heart hath always been un- circle of amusements; in which, indeed, each corrupted, and that I have been unhappy, season at Bath is exactly resembled by that because I loved, and was a woman. which succeeds, allowing for the difference of I believe I need not observe, that I was the company, which is continually varying. only child of a man of good fortune, who in- There I met with the same incense, and dulged me, in my infancy, with all the ten- again had my favourite, who was a North derness of paternal affection; and, when I Briton, and captain of foot, near forty years was six years old, sent me to a private of age, and a little lame, an impediment which school, where I staid till my age was doubled, I did not discover, until it was pointed out and became such a favourite, that I was (even by some of my companions, who rallied in those early days) carried to all the places me upon my choice. He was always cheerof public diversion, the court itself not ex- ful, and very amorous, had a good countecepted; an indulgence that flattered my love nance, and an excellent understanding, posof pleasure, to which I was naturally addict- sessed a great deal of art, and would have ed, and encouraged those ideas of vanity and persuaded me to marry him, had I not been ambition, which spring up so early in the hu- restrained by the authority of my father, man mind. whose consent was not to be obtained in faI was lively and good natured, my imagi- vour of a man of his fortune. nation apt to run riot, my heart liberal and At the same time many proposals of mardisinterested, though I was so obstinately riage were made to my parents; but as they attached to my own opinions, that I could came from people whom I did not like, I renot well brook contradiction; and, in the jected them all, being determined to refuse whole of my disposition, resembled that of every man who did not make his addresses Henry V. as described by Shakspeare. to myself in person, because I had no notion In my thirteenth year I went to Bath, where of marrying for any thing but love. I was first introduced into the world as a Among these formal proposers was a Scotwoman, having been entitled to that privi- tish earl, whose pretensions were broke off lege by my person, which was remarkably by some difference about settlements; and ADVENTURES OF PEREGRINE PICKLE. 213 the son of an English baron, with whom my saw him again. At length, however, being father was in treaty, when he carried me to at court on a ball-night, and determined town on a visit to a young lady, with whom against dancing, I perceived him among the I had been intimate from my infancy. She crowd, and, to my unspeakable joy, saw him was just delivered of her first son, for whom advance with my Lord P:, who intro. we stood sponsors: so that this occasion de- duced him to my acquaintance. He soon tained us a whole month, during which I found means to alter my resolution, and I went to a ball at court, on the queen's birth- condescended to be his partner all the evenday, and there, for the first time, felt what ing; during which he declared his passion in love and beauty were. the most tender and persuasive terms that The second son of duke 11-., who had real love could dictate, or fruitful imagination just returned from his travels, was dancing invent. with the princess royal, when a young lady I believed his protestations, because I came and desired me to go and see a stran- wished them true, and was an inexperienced ger whom all the world admired: upon which girl of fifteen. I complied with his earnest I followed her into the circle, and observed request of being permitted to visit me, and this object of admiration. He was dressed in even invited him to breakfast next morning; a coat of white cloth, faced with blue satin, so that you may imagine (I speak to those embroidered with silver, of the same piece that feel) I did not, that night, enjoy much with his waistcoat; his fine hair hung down repose. Such was the hurry and flutter of his back in ringlets below his waist; his hat my spirits, that I rose at six to receive him was laced with silver, and garnished with a at ten. I dressed myself in a new pink satin white feather; but his person beggared all gown and my best laced night clothes, and description. He was tall and graceful, nei- was so animated by the occasion, that if ever ther corpulent nor meagre, his limbs finely I deserved a compliment upon my looks, it proportioned, his countenance open and ma- was my due at this meeting. jestic, his eyes full of sweetness and vivacity, The wished-for moment came that brought his teeth regular, and his pouting lips of the my lover to my view: I was overwhelmed complexion of the damask rose. In short, with joy, modesty, and fear of I knew not he was formed forlove, and inspired it where- what. We sat down to breakfast, but did ever he appeared, nor was he a niggard of his not eat. He renewed his addresses with irtalents, but liberally returned it; at least what resistible eloquence, and pressed me to ac. passed for such: for he had a flow of gal- cept of his hand without farther hesitation; lantry, for which many ladies of this land but to such a precipitate step I objected, as a can vouch, from their own experience; but measure repugnant to decency, as well as to he exclaimed against marriage, because he that duty which I owed to my father, whom I had, as yet, met with no woman to whose tenderly loved. charms he would surrender his liberty, though Though I withstood this premature proa princess of France, and lady of the same posal, I did not attempt to disguise the sirank in, were said to be, at that time, tuation of my thoughts; and thus commenced enamoured of his person. a tender correspondence, which was mainI went home, totally engrossed by his idea, tained by letters while I remained in the flattering myself, that he had observed me country, and carried on (when I was in town) with some attention: for I was young and by private interviews, twice or thrice a-week, new, and had the good fortune to attract the at the house of my milliner, where such ennotice and approbation of the queen herself. dearments passed as refined and happy lovers Next day, being at the opera, I was agreea- know, and others can only guess. Truth bly surprised with the appearance of this and innocence prevailed on my side, while amiable stranger, who no sooner saw me his heart was fraught with sincerity and love. enter, than he approached so near to the Such frequent intercourse created an intiplace where I sat, that I overheard what he macy which I began to think dangerous, and said to his companions; and was so happy therefore yielded to his repeated desire that as to find myself the object of his discourse, we might be united for ever; nay, I resolved which abounded with rapturous expressions to avoid him, until the day should be fixed, of love and admiration. and very innocently, though not very wisely, I could not listen to these transports with- told him my reason for this determination, out emotion; my colour changed, my heart which was no other than a consciousness of throbbed with unusal violence, and my eyes my incapacity to refuse him any thing he betrayed my inclination in sundry favourable should demand as a testimony of my love. glances, which he seemed to interpret aright, The time was accordingly appointed, at tne though he could not then avail himself of distance of a few days, during which I inhis success, so far as to communicate his tended to have implored myfather's consent, sentiments by speech, because we were though I had but faint hopes of obtaining it; strangers to each other. but he was by some means or other apprised I passed that night in the most anxious of our design, before I could prevail upon.suspense, and several days elapsed before I myself to make him acquainted with our pur 214 SMOLLETT'S SELECT WORKS. pose. I E1ad danced with my lover at the The melancholy condition in which I preridotto on" the preceding evening, and there ferred this supplication, melted the tender perhaps oureyes betrayed us. Certain it is, heart of my parent, who yielded to my supseveral of Lord W —m's relations, who dis- plications, and carried me back to town for approved of the match, came up and rallied that purpose. him on his passion; Lord S- k, in parti- Lord W-m, who had watched our mo. cular, used this remarkable expression,- tions, and arrived at his own lodgings before "nephew, as much love as you please, but we arrived at my father's house, obeyed my no matrimony." summons on the instant, and appeared before Next day, the priest being prepared, and me like an angel. Our faculties were fbr the bridegroom waiting for me at the ap- some minutes suspended by a conflict of pointed place, in all the transports of im- grief and joy. At length I recovered the use patient expectation, I was, without any pre- of speech, and gave him to understand, that vious warning, carried into the country by I was come to town in order to take my my father, who took no notice of the intel- leave of him, by the permission of my father, ligence he had received, but decoyed me into whom I had promised to attend into the the coach on pretence of taking the air; and country next day, before he would consent when we had proceeded as far as Turnham- to my return; the chief cause and pretence green, gave me to understand that he would of which was my earnest desire to convince dine in that place. him, that I was not to blame for the disThere was no remedy: I was obliged to appointment he had suffered, and that I bear my disappointment, though with an should see him again in a month, when the aching heart, and followed him up stairs into nuptial knot should be tied in spite of all opan apartment, where he told me he was mi- position. nutely informed of my matrimonial scheme. My lover, who was better acquainted with I did not attempt to disguise the truth, but the world, had well nigh run distracted with assured him, while the tears gushed from my this information. He swore he would not eyes, that my want of courage alone had leave me, until I should promise to meet and hindered me from making him privy to my marry him next day; or, if I refused to grant passion; though I owned, I should hav&mir- that request, he would immediately leave the ried Lord WV —m, even though he had dis- kingdom, to which he would never more reapproved of my choice. I reminded him of turn; and, before his departure, sacrifice Lord the uneasy life I led at home, and frankly H-. B-, son to the duke of S. A-, acknowledged that I loved my admirer too who was the only person upon earth who well to live without him; though, if he would could have betrayed us to my father, because favour, me with his consent, I would defer he alone was trusted with the secret of our my intention, and punctually observe any intended marriage, and had actually underday- he would fix for our nuptials. Mean- taken to give me away; an office which he while I begged he would permit me to send afterwards declined. Lord W —m also afa message to Lord W-m, who was waiting firmed, that my father decoyed me into the in expectation of my coming, and might country, with a view of cooping me up, and (without such notice) imagine I was playing sequestering me entirely from his view and the jilt. He granted this last request; in correspondence. consequence of which I sent' a letter to my In vain I pleaded my father's well-known lover, who, when he received it, had almost tenderness, and used all the arguments I fainted away, believing I should be locked up could recollect to divert him from his revenge in the country, and snatched for ever from upon Lord H-. He was deaf to all my rehis arms. Tortured with these apprehen- presentations, and nothing, I found, would sions, he changed clothes immediately, and, prevail upon him to suppress his resentment, taking horse, resolved to follow me whither- but a positive promise to comply with hi soever' we should go.' former desire. I told him I would hazard After dinner, we proceeded as far as Brent- every thing to make him happy; but could ford, where we lay, intending to be at my.not with any regard to my duty, take such a father's country-house next night; and my step without the knowledge of my: parent; admirer, putting up at the same inn, practis- or, if I were so inclined, it'would be imed every'expedient his invention could sug- practicable to elude his vigilance and susgest to procure an interview; but all his en- picion. However, he employed such pathetic deavours were. unsuccessful, because I, who remonstrances, and retained such a powerful little dreamed of his being so near, had gone advocate within my own breast, that, before to bed upon: our first arrival, overwhelmed we parted, I assured him, my whole power with affliction and tears. should be exerted for his satisfaction; and In the morning I threw myself at my fa- he signified his resolution of sitting up all.her's feet, and conjured him, by all the ties night, in expectation of seeing me at his of paternal affection, to indulge me with an lodgings. opportunity of seeing my admirer once' more, He had -no sooner: retired, -than I went ibefore I should be conveyed from his wishes. into'the next room, and desired my father to ADVENTURES OF PEREGRINE PICKLE. 215 fix a day for the marriage; in which case, ward him liberally for his trouble: but he, I would cheerfully wait upon him into the having the misfortune to be lame, was unable country; whereas, should he deny my re- to keep up with my pace; so that, by his quest, on pretence of staying for the consent advice and direction, I went into the first of my mother's relations, which was very public house I found open, where I staid some uncertain, I would seize the first opportunity time, in the utmost consternation, among a of marrying Lord W —m, cost what it would. crew of wretches whom I thought proper to He consented to the match, but would not bribe for their civility, not without the terror appoint a day for the ceremony, which he of being stripped. At length, however, my proposed. to defer until all parties should be messenger returned with a chair, of which 1 agreed; and such a favourable crisis I feared took immediate possession; and fearing that, would never happen. by this time, my family would be alarmed, I therefore resolved within myself to gra- and send directly to Lord W -m's lodgings, tify my lover's expectation, by eloping, if I ordered myself to be carried thither backpossible, that very night; though the exe- wards, that so I might pass undiscovered. cution of this plan was extremely difficult,' This stratagem succeeded according to my because my father was upon the alarm, and wish; I ran up stairs, in a state of trepidation, my own, maid, who was my bedfellow, alto- to my faithful lover, who waited for me with gether.in his interest. Notwithstanding these the most impatient and fearful suspense. At considerations, I found means to engage one sight of me his eyes'lightened with- transof the house-maids in mv: behalf, who be- port; he caught me in his arms, as the richspoke a hackney-coach, to be kept: in wait- est present Heaven could bestow; gave me ing all night; and to bed I. went with -my to understand that my father had already.Abigail, whom (as I had not closed an eye) sent to his lodgings in quest of me; then apI waked about five in the morning, and sent plauding my love and resolution in the most to: pack up some things for our intended rapturous terms, he ordered ahackney-coach journey. to be called, and, that we might run no risk While she was thus employed, I got up, of separation, attended me to church, where,and huddled on my clothes, standing upon we were lawfully joined in the sight of Ileamy pillow, lest my father, who lay in the ven. chamber below, should hear me afoot, and. His fears were then all over, but mine resuspect my design. curred with. double aggravation; I dreaded Having dressed myself with great despatch the sight of my father, and shared all the sor-,and disorder, I flounced down stairs, stalking row he suffered on account of my undutiful.as heavily as I could tread, that he might behaviour; for I loved him with such piety mistake me for one of the servants; and my of affection, that I would have endured every confederate opening the door, I sallied out other species of distress, rather than have.into the street, though I knew not which given him the least uneasiness; but love way to turn; and to my unspeakable morti- (where he reigns in: fill empire) is altogether fication, neither coach nor chair appeared. irresistible,' surmounts every' difficulty, and Having travelled on foot a good wey, in swallows up all other considerations. This hope of finding a convenience, and being not was the case with me; and now the irrevoonly disappointed in that particular, but also cable step was taken, my first care was to bewildered in my peregrination, I began to avoid his sight. With this view, I begged be exceedingly alarmed with the apprehension that Lord NW-m would think of some remote of. being met by some person who.might place in the country, to which we might know me; because, in that case, my design'retire for the present; and he forthwith conwould undoubtedly have been discovered, ducted me to a house'on Blackheath, where from every circumstance of my appearance we were very civilly recieved by, a laughterat that itime of day; for I had put on the loving dame, who seemed to rmistake me for very clothes which I had pulled off over.one of her own sisterhood. night, so that my dress was altogether odd I no sooner perceived her opinion, than 1 and peculiar: my shoes were very fine, and desired Lord WV —m to undeceive her; upon over a large hoop I wore a pink satin quilted which she was made acquainted with the petticoat trimmed with silver, which was nature of my situation, and showed us into a partly covered by a white dimitynight-gown, private room, where I called for pen and a full quarter of a yard too short; my hand- paper, and wrote an apology to my father kerchief and apron were hurried on: without for having acted, contrary to his will in so pinning; my'night-cap could not contain my important a concern. hair, which hung about my ears in great dis- This task being performed, the bridegroom order, and:mycountenance denoted a mixture gave me to~ understand, that there. was a of hope. and fear,'joy and shame. necessity for our being bedded immediately, In this dilemma, I made my addresses to in' order to render the marriage binding, lest that honourable member of society, a shoe- my father should discover and part.us before.black, whomr I earnestly entreated to provide consummation. I pleaded thard for respite me with a coach or chair, promising to re- till the evening, objecting to the indecency ,216 SMOLLE'TT'S SELECT WORKS. of going to bed before noon; but he found This ceremony of receiving visits being neans to invalidate all my arguments, and performed, we went to wait on his mother, to convince me that it was now iny duty to the duchess of H-, who hearing I was an obey. Rather than hazard the imputation of heiress, readily forgave her son for marrying being obstinate and refractory on the first without her knowledge and consent, and day of my probation, I suffered myself to be favoured us with a very cordial reception; led into a chamber, which was darkened by insomuch that, for several months, we dined my express stipulation, that my shame and almost constantly at her table; and I must confusion might be the better concealed, and own, I always found her unaltered in her yielded to the privilege of a dear husband, civility and affection, contrary to her general who loved me to adoration. character, which was haughty and capricious. About five o'clock in the afternoon we She was undoubtedly a woman of great spirit were called to dinner, which he had ordered and understanding, but subject to an infirmi-to be ready at four; but such a paltry care ty which very much impairs and disguises had been forgot amidst the transports of our every other qualification. mutual bliss. We got up, however, and In about three weeks after our marriage, when we came down stairs, I was ashamed I was so happy as to obtain the forgiveness to see the light of day, or meet the eyes of of my father, to whose house we repaired, in my beloved lord. 1 ate little, said less, was order to pay our respects and submission. happy, though overwhelmed with confusion, At sight of me he wept; nor did I behold his underwent a thousand agitations, some of tears unmoved; my heart was overcharged which were painful, but by far the greater with tenderness and sorrow, for having ofpart belonged to rapture and delight; we fended such an indulgent parent; so that I were imparadised in the gratification of our mingled my tears with his, while my dear mutual wishes, and felt all that love ca.: be- husband, whose soul was of the softest and stow, and sensibility enjoy. gentlest mould, melted with sympathy at the In the twilight we returned to Lord affecting scene. W —m's lodgings in town, where I received Being thus reconciled to my father, we.a letter from my father, importing that he attended him into the country, where we would never see me again. But there was were received by my mother, who was a one circumstance in his manner of writing, sensible good woman, though not susceptible from which I conceived a happy presage of to love, and therefore less apt to excuse a his future indulgence. He had begun with weakness to which she was an utter stranger. his usual appellation of Dear Fanny, which This was likewise the case with an uncle, though it was expunged to make way for from whom I had great expectations. He the word Madam, encouraged me to hope was a plain good-natured man, and treated that his paternal fondness was not yet extin- us with great courtesy, though his notions,:guished. in point of love, were not exactly conAt supper we were visited by Lord W-m's formable to ours. Nevertheless, I was, and younger sister, who laughed at us for our seemed to be, so happy in my choice, inconsiderate match, though she owned she that my family not only became satisfied envied our happiness, and offered me the with the match, but exceedingly fond of Lord use of her clothes until I could retrieve my W-m. own. She was a woman of a great deal of After a short stay with them in the coun-humour, plain but genteel, civil, friendly, and try we returned to London, in order to be perfectly well bred. She favoured us with introduced at court, and then set out for the her company till the night was pretty far north, on a visit to my brother-in-law the advanced, and did not take her leave till we duke of H —, who had, by a letter to Lord retired to our apartment. W-m, invited us to his habitation. My As our lodgings were not spacious or mag- father accordingly equipped us with horses nificent, we resolved to see little company; and money; for our own finances were exbut this resolution was frustrated by the nu- tremely slender, consisting only of a! small merous acquaintance of Lord W-m, who pension, allowed by his Grace, upon whom let in half the town; so that I ran the gaunt- the brothers were entirely dependent, the let for a whole week among a set of wits, father having died suddenly, before suitable who always delight in teasing a young crea- provision could be made for his younger ture of any note, when she happens to make children. such a stolen match. Among those that When I took my leave of my relations, visited us upon this occasion was my lord's bidding adieu to my paternal'home, and younger brother, who was at that tiune in found myself launching into a world of care keeping with a rich heiress of masculine and trouble, though the voyage on which I memory, and took that opportunity of making had embarked was altogether voluntary, and a parade with his equipage, which was in- my companion the person on whom Ii doated deed very magnificent, but altogether disre- to distraction, I could not help feeling some garded by us, whose happiness consisted in melancholy sensations, which, however, in a the opulence of mutual love. little time, gave way to a train of more ADVENTURES OF PEREGRINE PICKLE. 917 agreeable ideas. I was visited in town by in consequence of which my husband and I almost all the women of fashion, many of were parted. This separation was equally whom, I perceived, envied me the possession mortifying to us both, who, though married, of a man who had made strange havock were still lovers; and my chagrin increased among their hearts, and some of them knew when I perceived that I was doomed to sit the value of his favour. One, in particular, by Sir W- Y —, a man of professed galendeavoured to cultivate my friendship with lantry; for, although Lord W-m had, besingular marks of regard; but I thought fore his marriage, made his addresses to proper to discourage her advances, by keep- every woman he saw, I knew very well he ing within the bounds of bare civility; and, did not desire that any person should make indeed, to none of them was 1 lavish of my love to his wife. complaisance; for I dedicated my whole time That I might not, therefore, give umbrage, to the object of my affection, who engrossed by talking to this gallant, I conversed with a my wishes to such a degree, that although I Scotch nobleman, who, according to common was never jealous (because I had no reason report, had formerly sighed among my adto be so), I envied the happiness of every mirers: by these means, in seeking to avoid woman whom he chanced at any time to hand one error, I unwittingly plunged myself into into a coach. a greater, and disobliged Lord W —m so The duchess of ~, who was newly much, that he could not conceal his dis. married to the earl of P-, a particular pleasure; nay, so deeply was he offended at friend of Lord W-m's, carried me to court, my conduct, that, in the evening, when the and presented me to the queen, who express- ball began, he would scarce deign to take me ed her approbation of my person in very by the hand in the course of dancing, and particular terms, and observed the satis- darted such unkind looks, as pierced me to faction that appeared in my countenance the very soul. What augmented my conwith marks of admiration, desiring her ladies cern, was my ignorance of the trespass I to take notice how little happiness depended had committed. I was tortured with a thouupon wealth, since there was more joy in my sand uneasy reflections; I began to fear that face than in all her court besides. I had mistaken his temper, and given my ~Such a declaration could not fail to over- heart to a man who was tired of possession; whelm me with blushes, which her majesty though I resolved to bear without complainseemed to behold with pleasure; for she ing the misfortune I had entailed upon myfrequently repeated the remark, and showed self. me to all the foreigners of distinction, with I seized the first opportunity of speaking many gracious expressions of favour. She to him, and thereby discovered the cause of wished Lord W —m happiness instead of his chagrin; but, as there was no time for joy, and was pleased to promise, that she expostulation, the misunderstanding conwould provide for her pretty beggars: and tinued on his side, with such evident marks poor enough we certainly were in every of uneasiness, that every individual of the article but love. Nevertheless, we felt no company made up to me, and inquired about necessities, but passed the summer in a the cause of his disorder; so that I was fain variety of pleasures and parties; the great- to amuse their concern, by saying, that he est part of which were planned by Lord had been ill the day before, and dancing did W-m's sister and another lady, who was at not agree with his constitution. So much that time mistress to the prime minister. was he incensed by this unhappy circumThe first was a wit, but homely in her person; stance of my conduct, which was void of all. the other a woman of great beauty and intention to offend him, that he determined masculine understanding; and a particular to be revenged of me for my indiscretion, friendship subsisted between them, though and at supper, chancing to sit between two they were both lovers of power and ad- very handsome ladies (one of whom is lately miration. dead, and the other, at present, my neighThis lady, who sat at the helm, was ex- bour in the country), he affected an air of tremely elegant, as well as expensive in her gaietyv, and openly coquetted with them both. diversions, in many of which we bore a This was not the only punishment he in-,hare, particularly in her parties upon the flicted on his innocent wife. In the course water, which were contrived in all the mag- of our entertainment, we engaged in some ijificence of taste. In the course of these simple diversion, in consequence of which amusements, a trifling circumstance occurred, the gentlemen were ordered to salute the which I shall relate as an instance of that ladies; when Lord W-m, in performing iealous sensibility which characterized Lord this command, unkindly neglected me in my W —m's disposition. A large company of turn; and I had occasion for all my disladies -and gentleman having agreed to dine cretion and pride, to conceal from the cornat Vauxhall, and sup at Marblehall, where pany the agonies I felt at this mark of indifwe proposed to conclude the evening with a ference and disrespect. However, I obtaindance, one barge being insufficient to contain ed the victory over myself, and pretended to the whole company, we were divided by lots; laugh at his husband-like behaviour, while 2C 218 SMOLLETT'S SELECT WORKS. the tears stood in my eyes, and.my heart the evening. On these occasions, I always swelled even to bursting. disappeared, giving up every consideration to We broke up about five, after having spent that of pleasing my husband, notwithstanding the most tedious evening I had ever known; the ridicule of his relations, who taxed me and this offended lover went to bed in a state with having spoiled him with too much inof sullen silence and disgust. Whatever dulgence. But how could I express too much desire I had to come to an explanation, tenderness and condescension for a man who I thought myself so much aggrieved by his doated upon me to such excess, that, when unreasonable prejudice, that I could not pre- business obliged him to leave me, he always vail upon myself to demand a conference, snatched the first opportunity to return, and till after his first nap, when my pride giving often rode through darkness, storms and way to my tenderness, I clasped him in my tempests to my arms? arms, though he pretended to discourage Having staid about seven months in this these advances of my love: I asked how he place, I found myself in a fair way of being could be so unjust as to take umbrage at my a mother; and that I might be near my own civility to a man whom he knew I had refus- relations, in such an interesting situation, ed for his sake? I chid him for his barbarous I and my dear companion departed from endeavours to awake my jealousy, and used H n, not without great reluctance; for such irresistible arguments in my own vindi- I was fond of the Scots in general, who cation, that he was convinced of my in- treated me with gieat hospitality and respect; nocence, sealed my acquittal with a kind and to this day they pay me the compliment embrace, and we mutually enjoyed the soft of saying, I was one of the best wives in transports of a fond reconciliation. that country; which is so justly celebrated Never was passion more eager, delicate, for good women. or unreserved, than that which glowed with- Lord V —m, having attended me to my in our breasts. Far from being cloyed with father's house, was obliged to return to Scotthe possession of each other, our raptures land, to support his interest in being elected seemed to increase with the term of our mrember of parliament; so that he took his union. When we were parted, though but leave of me, with a full resolution of seeing for a few hours, by the necessary avocations me again before the time of my lying-in; of life, we were unhappy during that brief and all the comfort I enjoyed in his abseparation, and met again, like lovers who sence, was the perusal of his letters, which knew no joy but in one another's presence. I punctually received, together with those of How many delicious evenings did we spend his sister, who, from time to time, favoured together, in our little apartment, after we me with assurances of his constancy and dehad ordered the candles to be taken away, votion. Indeed, these testimonials were neo that we might enjoy the agreeable reflection cessary to one of my disposition; for I was of the moon in a fine suinmer's evening! none of those who could be contented with Such a mild and solemn scene naturally half a heart. I could not even spare one disposes the mind to peace and benevolence; complacent look to any other woman, but but when improved with the conversation of expected the undivided homage of his love. the man one loves, it fills the imagination HIad I been disappointed in this expectation, with ideas of ineffable delight! For my own I should (though a wife) have rebelled or part, I can safely say, my heart was so whol- died. ly engrossed by my husband, that I never Meanwhile my parents treated me with took pleasure in any diversion where he great tenderness, intending that Lord W-m was not personally concerned; nor was I should be settled in a house of his own, and ever guilty of one thought repugnant to my accommodated with my fortune, and his duty and my love. expectations from the queen were very sanIn the autumn we set out for the north, guine, when I was taken ill, and delivered of and were met on the road by the duke and a dead child-an event which affected me twenty gent.ernen, who conducted us to extremely. When I understood the extent H n, where we lived in all imaginable of my misfortune, my heart throbbed with splendour. His grace, at that time, main- such violence, that my breast could scarce tained above an hundred servants, with a contain it; and my anxiety, being aggravatband of music, which always performed at ed by the absence of my lord, produced a dinner, kept open table, and was visited by a dangerous fever, of which he was no sooner great deal of company. The economy of apprised by letter, than he came post from his house was superintended by his eldest Scotland; but, before his arrival, I was sup sister, a beautiful young lady of an amiable posed to be in a fair way. temper, with whom I soon contracted an in- During this journey, he was tortured with timate friendship. She and the duke used all that terrible suspense which prevails in torally me uponmy fondness for Lord W-m, the minds of those who are in danger of who was a sort of a humourist, and apt to losing that which is most dear to them; be in a pet, in which case he would leave the and, when he entered the house, was so company and go to bed by seven o'clock in much overwhelmed with apprehension, tbat ADVENTURES OF PEREGRINE PICKLE. 21S ne durst not inquire about the state of my might not be disturbed by my agitation. health. I collected all my resolution to support me As for my part, I never closed an eye from in this affecting scene. I saw my dear lord the time on which I expected his return; in extremity. The beauties of his youth and, when I heard his voice, I threw open were all decayed; yet his eyes, though my curtains, and sat up in the bed to receive languid, retained unspeakable sweetness and him, though at the hazard of my life. He expression. He felt his end approaching, run towards me with all the eagerness of put forth his hand, and, with a look full of passion, and clasped me in his arms; he complacency and benevolence, uttered such kneeled by the bedside, kissed my hand a a tender tale Good Heaven! how had I thousand times, and wept with transports of deserved such accumulated affliction! the tenderness and joy. In short, this meeting bare remembrance of which now melts me was so pathetic as to overcome my enfeebled into tears. Human nature could not underconstitution, and we were parted by those go my situation without suffering an ecstasy who were wiser than ourselves, and saw that of grief! I clasped him in my arms, and nothing was so proper for us as a little re- kissed him a thousand times, with the most pose. violent emotions of woe; but I was torn from But how shall I relate the deplorable tran- his embrace, and in a little time lie was rasition from envied happiness to excess of vished for ever from my view. misery which I now sustained! my month On that fatal morninog, which put a period was hardly up, when my dear husband was to his life, I saw the duchess of L- aptaken ill; perhaps the fatigue of body, as proach my bed, and, from her appearance, well as mind, which he had undergone on concluded that he was no more; yet I begged my account, occasioned a fatal ferment in she would not confirm the unhappy presage his blood, and his health fell a sacrifice to by announlcing his death; and she accordingly his love. Physicians were called from Lon- preserved the most emphatic silence. I got don; but, alas! they brought no hopes of up, and trod softly over his head. as if I had his recovery. By their advice, he was re- been afraid of interrupting his repose. Alas! moved to town, for the convenience of being he was no longer sensible of such dispunctually attended. Every moment was too turbance. I was seized with a stupefaction precious to be thrown away; he was there- of sorrow: I threw up the window, and, fore immediately put into the coach, though looking around, thought the sun shone with the day was far spent; and I, though ex- the most dismal aspect; every thing was ceedingly weak, accompanied him in the solitary, cheerless, and replete with horror. journey, which was performed by the light In this condition I was, by the direction of of flambeaux, and rendered unspeakably my friend, conveyed to her house, where my shocking by the dismal apprehension of faculties were so overpowered by the load of losing him every moment. anguish which oppressed me, that I knew At length, however, we arrived at our not what passed during the first days of my lodgings in Pall-Mall, where I lay by him unhappy widowhood; this only I know, the on the floor, and attended the issue of his kind duchess treated me with all imaginable distemper in all the agonies of horror and care and compassion, and carried me to her despair. In a little time his malady settled country-house, where I staid somne montlls upon his brain, and, in his delirium, he utter- during which, she endeavoured to comfort ed such dreadful exclamations, as were suf- me with all the amusements she could invent, ficient to pierce the most savage heart. and laid me under such obligations as never What effect, then, must they have had on shall be erased from my remembrance: yet, mine, which was fraught with every sen- notwithstanding all her care and concern, timent of the most melting affection! It was I was, by my excess of grief, plunged into not a common grief that took possession of a languishing distemper, for which my phymy soul; I felt all the aggravation of the sicians advised me to drink the Bath waters. most acute distress. I sometimes ran down In compliance with this prescription, I to the street in a fit of distraction: I sent went thither towards the end of summer, for the doctors every minute: I wearied and found some benefit by adhering to their Heaven with my prayers. Even now my directions. Though I seldom went abroad, heart aches at the remembrance of what I except when I visited my sister-in-law, who suffered, and I cannot, without trembling, was there with the princess; and, upon these proceed with the woful story. occasions, I never failed to attract the notice After having lain insensible some days, of the company, who were struck with the he recovered the use of speech, and called appearance of such a young creature in upon my name, which he had a thousand weeds: nor was I free from the persecution tirmes repeated while he was bereft of reason. of professed admnirers; but, being dead to All hopes of his life were now relinquished; all joy, I was deaf to the voice of aduand I was led to his bed side to receive his lation. last adieu, being directed to summon all my About Christmas I repaired to my father's fortitude, and suppress my sorrow, that he house, where my sorrows were revived by 19 220 SMOLLETT'S SELECT WORKS. every object that recalled the idea of my dear In consequence of this determination, the lamented lord. But these melancholy re- little gentleman was permitted to visit me; flections I was obliged to bear, because I had and the manner of his address did not at all no other home or habitation, being left an alter the opinion I had conceived of his chaunprovided widow, altogether dependent on racter and understanding. I was even shockthe affection of mny own family. ed at the prospect of marrying a man whom During this winter, divers overtures were I could not love; and, in order to disburden made to my father, by people who demanded my own conscience, took an opportunity of me in marriage; but my heart was not yet telling him, one evening, as we sat opposite sufficiently weaned from my former passion to each other, that it was not in my power to admit the thoughts of another master. to command my affection, and therefore he Among those that presented their proposals could not expect the possession of my heart, was a certain young nobleman, who, upon Lord W-m's indulgence having spoiled me the first news of Lord W-m's death, came for a wife; nevertheless, I would endeavour post from Paris, in order to declare his pas- to contract a friendship for him, which would sion. He made his first appearance in a hired entirely depend upon his own behaviour. chariot and six, accompanied by a big fat To this declaration he replied (to my great fellow, whom (as I afterwards learned) he surprise), that he did not desire me to love had engaged to sound his praised, with a pro- him-my friendship was sufficient; and next mise of a thousand pounds, in lieu of which day repeated this strange instance of modehe paid him with forty. Whether it was ration in a letter, which I communicated to with a view of screening himself from the my sister, who laughed heartily at the concold, or of making a comfortable medium in tents, and persuaded me, that since I could case of being overturned, and falling under love no man, he was the properest person to his weighty companion, I know not; but cer- be my husband. tain it is, the carriage was stuffed with hay, Accordingly, the wedding clothes and in such a manner, that, when he arrived, the equipage being prepared, the day-the fatal servants were at some pains in rummaging day —was fixed!-on the morning of which and removing it, before they could come at I went to the house of my brother-in-law, their master, or help him to alight. When Duke H-, who loved me tenderly, and took he was lifted out of the chariot, he exhibited my leave of the family, a family which I shall a very ludicrous figure to the view; he was a always remember with love, honour, and thin, meagre, shivering creature, of a low esteem. His grace received me in the most stature, with little black eyes, a long nose, affectionate manner, saying at parting, " Lasallow complexion, and pitted with the small- dy W-, if he does not use you well, I will pox; dressed in a coat of light brown frieze, take you back again." lined with pink coloured shag, a monstrous The bridegroom and I met at Ox-d cha solitaire and bag, and (if I remember right) pel, where the ceremony was performed by a pair of huge jackboots. In a word, his the bishop of XW, in presence of'his lordwhole appearance was so little calculated for ship's mother, my father, and another lady inspiring love, that I had (on the strength of The nuptial knot being tied, we set out fol seeing him once before at Oxford) set him my father's house in the country, and prodown as the last man on earth whom I would ceeded full twenty miles on our journey bechoose to wed; and I will venture to affirm, fore my lord opened his mouth, my thoughts that he was in every particular the reverse having been all that time employed on someof my late husband. thing quite foreign to my present situation; As my father was not at home, he staid for I was then but a giddy girl of eighteen. but one evening, and left his errand with my At length my father broke silence, and clapmother, to whom he was as disagreeable as ping his lordship on the shoulder, told him to myself; so that his proposal was abso- he was but a dull bridegroom; upon which lutely rejected, and I heard no more of him my lord gave him to understand that he was during the space of three whole months; at out of spirits. This dejection continued all the expiration of which I went to town, the day, notwithstanding the refreshment of where this mortifying figure presented itself a plentiful dinner, which he ate upon the again, and renewed his suit, offering such ad- road; and in the evening we arrived at the vantageous terms of settlement, that my fa- place of our destination, where we were ther began to relish the match, and warmly kindly received by my mother, though she recommended it to my consideration. had no liking to the match; and after supper Lord W-m's relations advised me to em- we retired to our apartment. brace the opportunity of making myself inde- It was here that I had occasion to perceive pendent: all my acquaintance plied me with the most disagreeable contrast between my arguments to the same purpose: I was un- present helpmate and my former lord. Ineasy at home, and indifferent to all mankind. stead of flying to my arms with all the eagerI weighed the motives with the objections, ness of love and rapture, this manly repreand with reluctance yielded to the importu- sentative sat moping in a corner, like a crinity of my friends. minal on execution day, and owned he was ADVENTURES OF PEREGRINE PICKLE. 221 ashamed to bed with a woman whose hand which I, at his desire, invited eleven ladies, he had scarce ever touched. whom he paired. with the like number ot I could not help being affected with this his own sex; so that the whole company pusillanimous behaviour; I remembered Lord amounted to twenty-four.'We were regaled W-nm, while I surveyed the object. before with a most elegant dinner, in an apartment me, and made such a comparison as filled which was altogether superb, and served by me with horror and disgust; nay, to such a gentlemen only, no livery servant being perdegree did my aversion to this phantom pre- mitted to come within thi door. In the afvail, that I began to sweat with anguish at ternoon, we embarked in tw,o splendid barges, the thought of being subjected to his plea- being attended by a band ofi4usic in a third; sure; and when, after a long hesitation, he and enjoyed a delightful evening upon the ventured to approach me, I trembled as if I river till the twilight, when we returned and had been exposed to the embraces of a rattle- began the ball, which was conducted with snake. Nor did the efforts of his love di- such order and taste, that mirth and good minish this antipathy. His attempts were humour prevailed. No dissatisfaction aplike the pawings of an imp, sent from hell peared, except in the countenance of one old to seize and torment some guilty wretch, maid, since married to a son of the duke of such as are exhibited in some dramatic per-, who, though she would not refuse to formance, which I never see acted without partake of such an agreeable entertainment, remembering my wedding-night. By such was displeased that I should have the honour shadowy, unsubstantial, vexatious behaviour, of inviting her. 0 baleful envy! thou selfwas I tantalized, and robbed of my repose; tormenting fiend! how dostthou predominate and early next morning I got up, with a most in all assemblies, from the grand gala of a sovereign contempt for my bed-fellow, who court, to the meeting of' simple peasants at indulged himself in bed till eleven. their harvest-home! Nor is the prevalence Having passed a few days in this place, I of this sordid passion to be wondered at, if went home with him to his house at Twick- we consider the weakness, pride, and vanity, enham, and soon after we were presented at of our sex. The presence of one favourite court, when the queen was pleased to say man shall poison the enjoyment of a whole to my lord's mother, she did not doubt that company, and produce the most rancorous we should be a happy couple, for I had been enmity betwixt the closest friends. a good wife to rpy fqrmer husband. What- I danced with the master of the ball, who ever deficiencies I had to complain of in my employed all the artillery of his eloquence in new spouse, he was not wanting in point of making love; yet I did not listen to his adliberality. I was presented with a very fine dresses, for he was not to my taste, though chariot, studded with silver nails, and such a he possessed an agreeable person, and a good profusion of jewels as furnished a joke to acquired understanding; but he was utterly some of my acquaintance, who observed, that ignorant of that gentle prevailing art which I I was formerly queen of hearts, but now me- afterwards experienced in Mr S-, and tamorphosed into the queen of diamonds. I which was the only method he could have now also had an opportunity (which I did successfully practised, in seducing a young not let slip) of paying Lord W-m's debts woman like me, born with sentiments of hofrom my privy purse; and on that score re- nour, and trained up in the paths of religion ceived the thanks of his elder brother, who, and virtue. This young gentleman was inthough he had undertaken to discharge them, deed absolutely master of those insinuating delayed the execution of his purpose loniger qualifications which few women of passion than I thought they should remain unpaid. and sensibility can resist; and had a person This uncommon splendour attracted the eyes every way adapted for profiting by these insiand envy of my competitors, who were the dious talents. He was well acquainted with more implacable in their resentments, be- the human heart, conscious of his own power cause, notwithstanding my marriage, I was and capacity, and exercised these endowas much as ever followed by the men of gal- ments with unwearied perseverance. He lantry and pleasure, among whom it is a con- was tall and thin, of a shape and size perstant maxim, that woman never withholds fectly agreeable to my taste, with large blue her affections firom her husband without an eloquent eyes, good teeth, and a long head, intention to bestow them somewhere else. turned to gallantry. His behaviour was the I never appeared without a train of admirers, standard of politeness, and all his advances and my house in the country was always were conducted with the most profound recrowded with gay young men of quality. spect; which is the most effectual expedient Among those who cultivated my good a man can use against us, if he can find graces with the greatest skill and assiduity, means to persuade us that it proceeds from were the earl C-, and Mr S, brother the excess and delicacy of his passion. It is to Lord F -. The former of whom, in no other than a silent compliment, by which the course of his addresses, treated me with our accomplishments are continually flatteran entertainment of surprising magnificence, ed, and pleases in proportion to the supposed disposed into a dinner, supper, and ball, to understanding of him who pays it. 222 SMOLLETT'S SELECT WORKS. By these arts end advantages this consum- mine was but a nominal one) occurred to my mate politician irn love began by degrees to reflection, and virtue, modesty, and honour, sap the foundatiofls of my conjugal faith; he forbade me to cherish the guilty flame. stole imperceptibly: into my affection, and by When I encouraged these laudable scrudint of opportunity, which he well knew how ples, and resolved to sacrifice my love to duty to improve, triumpihed at last over all his and reputation, my lord was almost every rivals. day employed in riding post to my father, Nor was he the,.only person that disputed with complaints of my conduct, which was my heart with Ea~1 C. That nobleman hitherto irreproachable; though the greatest was also rivalled by Lord C- H, a grievance which he pretended to have sufScotsman, who had been an intimate and re- fered was my refusing to comply with his delation of my former husband. Him I would sire, when he entreated me to lie a whole have preferred to most of his competitors, hour every morning, with my neck uncoverand actually coquetted with him for some ed, that, by gazing, he might quiet the pertime; but the amour was interrupted by his turbation of his spirits. From this request going to Ireland; upon which occasion, un- you may judge of tie man, as well as of the derstanding that he was but indifferently pro- regard I must entertain for his character and vided with money, I made him a present of disposition. a, gold snuff-box, in which was inclosed a During the whole summer I was besieged bank-note; a trifling mark of my esteem, by my artful undoer, and in the autumn set which he afterwards justified by the most out with my lord for Bath, where, by reason grateful, fiiendly, and genteel behaviour; of the intimacy that subsisted between our and as we corresponded by letters, I frankly families, we lived in the same house with my told him, that Mr S5- had stepped in, and lover and his sister, who, with another agreewon the palm from all the rest of my ad- able young lady, accompanied us in this exmirers. pedition. By this time Mr S- had exThis new favourite's mother and sisters, torted from me a confession of a mutual who lived in the neighbourhood, were my flame, though I assured him that it should constant companions; and, in consequence never induce me to give up the valuable posof this intimacy, he never let a day pass with- session of an unspotted character, and a conout paying his respects to me in person; nay, science void of offence. I offered him all so ingenious was he in contriving the means the enjoyment he could reap from an unof promoting his suit, that whether I rode or reserved intercourse of souls, abstracted from walked, went abroad or staid at home, he any sensual consideration. He eagerly emwas always of course one of the party; so braced the Platonic proposal, because he had that his design seemed to engross his whole sagacity enough to foresee the issue of such vigilance and attention. Thus he studied chimerical contracts, and knew me too well my disposition, and established himself in my to think he could accomplish his purpose good opinion at the same time. He found without seeming to acquiesce in my own my heart was susceptible of every tender im- terms, and cultivating my tenderness under pression, and saw that I was not free from the specious pretext. the vanity of youth; he had already acquired In consequence of this agreement, we took my friendship and esteem, from which he all opportunities of seeing each other in priknew there was a short and easy transition vate; and these interviews were spent in to love. By his penetration, choosing proper mutual protestations of disinterested love. seasons for the theme, he urged it with such This correspondence, though dangerous, was pathetic vows and artful adulation, as well (on my side) equally innocent and endearing; might captivate a young woman of my com- and many happy hours we passed, before my plexion and inexperience, and circumstanced sentiments were discovered. At length my as I was, with a husband whom I had such lover was taken ill, and then my passion reason to despise. burst out beyond the power of concealment; Though he thus made an insensible pro- my grief and anxiety became so conspicuous gress in my heart, he did not find my virtue in my countenance, and my behaviour was an easy conquest; and I myself was ignorant so indiscreet, that every body in the house of the advantage he had pgained with regard perceived the situation of my thoughts, and to my inclinations, until I was convinced of blamed my conduct accordingly. his success by an alarm of jealousy which I Certain it is, I was extremely imprudent, one day felt at seeing him engaged in con- though intentionally innocent. I have lain versation with another lady. I forthwith re- whole nights by my lord, who teased and torcognized this symptom of love, with which I mented me for that which neither I could had been formerly acquainted, and trembled give nor he could take, and ruminated on the at the discovery of my own weakness. I un- fatal consequence of this unhappy flame, derwent a strange agitation and mixture of until I was worked into a fever of disquiet. contrary sensations: I was pleased with the I saw there was no safety but in flight, and p)assion, yet ashamed ofavowing it even to my often determined to banish myself for ever ow~.n mind. The rights of a husband (though from the sight of this dangerous intruder ADVENTURES OF PEREGRINE PICKLE. 223 But my resolution always failed at the ap- flutters at the remembrance of the dear, proach of day, and my desire of seeing him though fatal indiscretion; yet I reflect withas constantly recurred. So far was I fromrnout remorse, and even remember it with persisting in such commendable determi- pleasure. nations, that, on the eve of our departure If I could not avoid the censure of the from Bath, I felt the keenest pangs of sorrow world, I was resolved to bear it without reat our approaching separation; and as we pining; and sure the guilt (if there was:any could not enjoy our private interviews at my in my conduct) was but venial; for I conhouse in town, I promised to visit him at his sidered myself as a person absolved of all own apartments, after he had sworn by all matrimonial ties, by the insignificance of that's sacred, that he would take no sinister Lord, who, though a nominal husband, advantage of my condescension, by presumn-: was in fact a mere non-entity. I therefore ing upon the opportunities I should give. contracted a new engagement with my lover, He kept his word; for he saw I trusted to to which I resolved to adhere with the most it with fear and trembling, and perceived that scrupulous fidelity, without the least inmy apprehension was not affected, but the tention of injuring my lord or his relations; natural concern of a young creature, dis- for, had our mutual passion produced any tracted between love and duty, whom, had visible effects, I would immediately have he alarmed, he never would have seen within renounced and abandoned my husband for his doors again. Instead of pressing me with ever, that the fruit of my love for Mr Ssolicitations in favour of his passion, he was might not have inherited, to the detriment of more than ever respectful and complaisant; the right heir. This was my determination, so that I found myself disengaged of all which I thought just, if not prudent; and for restraint, conducted the conversation, short- which I have incurred the imputation of ened and repeated my visits, at my own folly, in the opinion of this wise and honest pleasure, till at last I became so accustomed generation, by whose example and advice I to this communication, that his house was as have, since that time, been a little reformed familiar to me as my own. in point of prudentials, though I still retain Having in this manner secured himself in a strong tendency to return to my primitive my confidence, he resumed the favourite way of thinking. topic of love, and, warming my imagination, When I quitted Mr S, after the sacriby gradual advances on the subject, my heart fice I had made, and returned to my own bed, began to pant; when he saw me thus moved, it may perhaps be supposed that I slept but he snatched the favourable occasion to prac- little. True: I was kept awake by the joytise all his eloquence and art. I could not ful impatience of revisiting my lover. Inresist his energy, nor even fly from the temp- deed I neglected no opportunity of flying to tation that assailed me, until he had obtained his arms: when Lord was in the a promise that he should, at our next meeting, country, we enjoyed each other's company reap the fiuits of his tedious expectation. without interruption; but when he resided Upon this condition I was permitted to retire, in town, our correspondence was limited to and blessed heaven for my es6ape, fully de- stolen interviews, which were unspeakably termined to continue in the path of virtue I delicious, as genuine love presided at the had hitherto trod, and stifle the criminal flame entertainment. by which my peace and reputation were en- Such was my happiness in the course of dangered. But his idea, which reigned in this tender communication, that to this day my heart without control, soon baffled all I remember it with pleasure, though it has these prudent suggestions. cost me dear in the sequel, and was at that I saw him again; and he reminded me of time enjoyed at a considerable expense; for my promise, which I endeavoured to evade I devoted myself so entirely to my. lover, with affected pleasantry; upon which he who was desirous of engrossing my time and manifested the utmost displeasure and cha- thoughts, that my acquaintance, which was grin, shedding some crocodile tears, and up- very numerous, justly accused me of neglect, braiding me with levity and indifference. He and of consequence cooled in their friendobserved that he had solicited my favour for ships: but I was all for love, or the world ten long months without intermission, and well lost: and were the same opportunity imagined I had held out so long on virtuous to offer, would act the same conduct over motives only; but now he could plainly per- again. celve that his want of success had been Some there are who possibly may wonder owing to my want of affection, and that all how I could love twice with such violence of my professions were insincere: in a word, affection: but all such observers must be he persuaded me, that his remonstrances unacquainted with the human heart. Mine were just and reasonable. I could not see was naturally adapted for the tender pasthe affliction of a man I loved, when I knew sions, and had been so fortunate, so cherishit was in my power to remove it, and rather ed in its first impressions, that it felt with than forfeit his opinion of my sincerity and joy the samre sensations revive, when inlove, I consented to his wish. My heart now fluenced by the same engaging qualifications. 19* 224 SMOLLETT'S SELECT WORKS. C(ertain it is, I loved the second time as well first to propose the separation, which, though as the first, and better was impossible. I usual in other countries, is contrary to the gave up my all for both: fortune and my fa- custom of England, being unwilling to further's favour for the one; reputation, friends, nish the least handle for censure, as' my and fortune for the other. Yet, notwith- character was still unblemished; yet, when standing this intimate connexion, I did not the proposal came from him, I thought myrelinquish the'world all at once; on the self entitled to refuse a reunion; to which contrary, I still appeared at court, and at- I accordingly objected. tracted the notice and approbation of my This opposition produced a quarrel, which royal patroness; I danced with the P- of rose to a state of perpetual animosity; so W —- a circumstance which so nearly that we began to talk of parting. My lord affected M-r S -, who was present, that, relished the expedient, agreeing to add three in order to manifest his resentment, he chose hundred pounds a-year to my pin-money, the ugliest woman in the ball for his partner; which (by the bye) was never paid; and I and I no sooner perceived his uneasiness, renounced all state and grandeur, to live in a than I gave over, with a view of appeasing small house that I hired at Casehorton, his displeasure. where I passed my time for two months, in Without repeating particular circum- the most agreeable retirement, with my dear stances, let it-suffice to say, our mutual pas- lover. At length I was disturbed by the insion was a- perfect copy of that which had trusion of my lord, who molested me with subsisted between me and my dear Lord visits, and solicitations to return, pretending W —rm.; It was jealous, melting, and deli- that he had changed his mind, and insisting cate, and chequered with little accidents, upon my compliance with his desire. which serve to animate and maintain the I exhausted my invention in endeavours to flame, in its first ardency of rapture. When evade his request; but he persecuted nle my lover was sick, I attended and nursed without ceasing; so that I was fain to capihim with indefatigable tenderness and care; tulate, on condition that he should immediateand during an indisposition, which I caught ly set out for France; and that he should not in the performance of this agreeable office, presume to approach my bed till our arrival he discharged the obligation with all the at Calais. We accordingly departed for that warmth of sympathy and love. kingdom; and, far from infringing the least It was, however, judged necessary by the article of our treaty, his lordship did not inphysicians, that I should use the Bath waters sist upon his privilege before we reached the for the recovery of my health; and I set out capital of France. for that place, glad of a pretence to be absent Meanwhile, I began to feel the effect of from Lord -, with whom I lived on very my passion in a very interesting manner, and unhappy terms. He bad, about nine months communicated my discovery to the dear author after our marriage, desired that we might of it, who would not leave me in such an afsleep in separate beds, and gave a very fecting situation, but took the first opportuniwhimsical reason for this proposal. He said ty of following us to France. the immensity of his love deprived him of In our road to Paris, we stopped to visit the power of gratification, and that some Chantilly, a magnificent chateau belonging commerce with an object, to which his heart to the prince of Conde, and there met by was not attached, might, by diminishing the accident with some English noblemen, to transports of his spirits, recompose his nerves, whom I was known. The prince and his and enable him to enjoy the fruits of his sisters invited me very politely into the galgood fortune. lery, where they sat. They complimented You may be sure I made no objections to me on my person, and seemed to admire my this plan, which was immediately put in exe- dress, which was altogether new to them, cution. He made his addresses to a nymph being a blue English riding-habit, trimmed of Drury-lane, whose name (as he told me) with grold, and a hat with a feather. They'was Mrs Rock. She made shift to extract were particularly well pleased with my hair, some money from her patient; but his in- which hung down to my waist, and pressed firmity was beyond the power of her art, me to stay a fortnight at their house; an inthough she made some mischief between us; vitation which 1 was very much mortified at and I communicated my suspicion to the being obliged to refuse, because my lord did duke of H, who intended to have ex- not understand the French language. I was postulated with her upon the subject; but enchanted with the place and the company, she got intimation of his design, and saved the women being amiable, and the men polite; him the trouble by a precipitate retreat. - nor were they strangers to my name and After my return from Bath, where Mr story: for Mr S -, callinog al the same S and I had lived happily, until we place a few days after, they rallied him on were interrupted by the arrival of my hus- my account. band, his lordship expressed an inclination When we arrived at Paris, the first thing to be my bedfellow again. In this particular I did was to metamorphose myself into a I desired to be excused; I would not be the Frenchwoman. I cut off my hair, hid a very ADVENTURES OF PEREGRINE PICKLE. 225 good complexion of my own with rouge, was dearer to me than all the princes in the reconciled myself to powder, which I had world. never used before, put on a robe with a large While I was happily engaged in these hoop, and went to the Thuilleries, full of ravishing parties, my little lord was emspirits and joy; for, at that time, every thing ployed in efforts to recover his health by conspired to make me happy; I had health, restoratives, and I know not what: for he youth, and beauty, love, vanity, and affluence, still lamented the enfeebling effects of his and found myself surrounded with diversions, passion, and complained that he loved me which were gay, new, and agreeable. My more like an angel than a woman, though he appearance drew upon me the eyes of the strove to govern his affections according to whole company, who considered me as a the doctrines of the Christian religion, as he stranger, but not a foreigner, so completely regulated his life by the maxims of Charles was I equipped in the fashion of the French: XII. of Sweden. The meaning of this deand when they understood who I was, they claration I could never learn; and, indeed, applauded my person with the most lavish I have been often tempted to believe he had encomiums, according to their known polite- no meaning at all. ness. Be that as it will, I found my size visibly After having made a circuit round all the increasing, and my situation extremely unpublic places of entertainment in Paris, I easy, on account of the perpetual wrangling was introduced into company by an English which prevailed betwixt us, in consequence family residing in that city; and, among of his desiring to sleep with me again, after others, became acquainted with a French we had parted beds for the second time: and, lady, whose charms were remarkably attrac- that I might be no longer exposed to such a tive. The duke of K - was her admirer; disagreeable persecution, I resolved to leave but she lived in reputation with her mother him, though at the hazard of my life. and an agreeable sister, whose lover was the Thus determined, I went to the British prince of C -, for almost every lady in ambassador in a hackney coach; and, in France has her aimant. order to disguise my youth, which might With this charming woman, whose name have prepossessed him against my judgment, was Madame de la T, I often made muffled myself up in a black hood, which parties of pleasure. The duke, Mr S-, (as he said) instead of lending an air of she, and I, used to meet in the Bois de Bou- gravity to my countenance, added a wildness logne, which is a pleasant wood at a small to my looks, which was far from being disdistance from Paris, whither the company agreeable. He had been a gallant man in mepairs in the summer-season for the benefit his youth, and even then, though well stricken of the air; and, after having amused our- in years, was not insensible to the power of selves among the groves, embarked in his beauty. This disposition, perhaps, rendered grace's equipage, which was extremely ele- him more favourable to my cause, though he gant, being a calash drawn by six fine long- at first advised me to return to my husband; tailed grays, adorned with ribbons in the but finding me obstinate, he undertook to French taste; and thus we were conducted serve me in my own way, and procure a proto a little enchanted, or at least enchanting, tection from the French king, by virtue of palace, possessed by the duke, at one end of which I could live at Paris unmolested by the town. The l aoyer apartment, appropriat- my lord. Nevertheless, he advised me (if I ed to me, was furnished with yellow and was determined to leavehim)to make the best silver, the bed surrounded with looking- of my way to England, and sue for a divorce. glasses, and the door opened into the garden, I relished his opinion, and concealed mylaid out in a cradle walk, and intervening self about three days in Paris, during which parterres of roses and other flowers. Above I borrowed some linen; for, as it was imstairs my female companion lodged in a possible to convey any thing out of my own chamber furnished with chintz. We supped house without suspicion, I had neither clothes all together in the saloon, which, though for my accommodation, nor a servant to wait small, was perfectly elegant. The company upon me. was always good humoured, the conversation In this solitary condition I took the road sprightly and joyous, and the scene, though to Flanders, after I had put my lord upon a often repeated, still delightful and enter- wrong scent, by writing a letter to him, dattaining. ed at Calais, and travelled through an un.. At other times Mr S — and I used to known country, without any other attendant pass our evenings at the palace of the prince than the postillion, being subjected to this in. of C —-, which his highness lent us for our convenience by the laws of France, which accommodation. The apartments opened into are so severe in some particulars, that if the gardens of the Luxembourg, and were, any person had been apprehended with me, in point of magnificence, suitable to the he would have suffered death, for going off owner. Thither I used to repair in a flam- with a man's wife; though any man might ing equipage, on pretence of visiting, and go to bed with the same woman, without fear spent the best part of the night with him who of incurring any legal punishment. 2 D 226 SMOLLETT'S SELECT WORKS. I proceeded night and day without inter- me the whole night without intermission, and mission, that I might the sooner reach F]lan- shake my pillow from time to time, that I ders, where I knew I should be safe; and as might not sleep, while he tormented me with the nights were excessively cold, I was fain his disagreeable expostulations. I have been to wrap myself up in flannel, which I bought often frightened almost out of my senses, at for the purpose, as I had no clothes to keep seeing him convulsed with the most unme warm, and travelled in an open chaise. reasonable passion; and chagrined to the While we passed through dreary woods, highest degree of disgust, to find (by repeated quite remote from the habitations of men, 1 observation), his disposition so preposterous, was not without apprehensions of being that his satisfaction and displeasure never stripped and murdered by the postillion; and, depended upon the cause he had to be satisin all probability, owed my safety to the in- fled or disobliged; but, on the contrary, digence of my appearance, which might also when he had most reason to be pleased, he protect me in two miserable places, where I was always most discontented, and very was obliged to lie, before I got out of the often in good humour, when he had reason territories of France: for, as I could not enough for vexation. reach the great towns where I intended to While I lived in Poland street, I was enlodge, I was under the necessity of putting gaged with lawyers, and so often visited by up at little wretched hovels, where no pro- my father, that I could not dedicate my whole vision was to be had, but sour brown bread, time as usual to my lover, nor was it conand sourer cheese; and every thing seemed to venient that he should be seen in my comdenote the dens of despair and assassination. pany; he therefore took a small house at I made shift, however, to subsist on this Camberwell, whither I went as often as I fare, uncomfortable as it was, confiding in had an opportunity; and maintained the corthe meanness of my equipage for the security respondence with such eagerness and'inof my person; and at length arriving at dustry, that, although I was six months gone Brussels, fixed my quarters in the Hotel de with child, I have often, by myself, set out Flandre (so well known to the English for his habitation, in a hackney-coach, at since), where I thought myself extremely eleven o'clock at night, and returned by six happy in the accomplishment of my flight. in the morning, that I might be in my own I had not been two full days in this place, bed when my father came to see me; for I when I was blessed with the sight of my concealed my amour, as well as the effects lover, who followed me on the wings of love, of it, from his knowledge, and frequently in pursuance of the plan we had projected took water from the bridge, that my motions before my departure from Paris. Here we might not be discovered. Nothing but the concerted measures for proceeding to Eng- most passionate love could have supported land. I hired a tall fine Liegeoise for my my spirits under such vicissitudes of fatigue, maid; and, setting out for Ostend, we em- or enabled my admirer to spend whole days barked in a vessel, in which Mr S had by himself in such a solitary retirement. bespoke our passage. Our voyage was short By this time, my lord was arrived in Engand prosperous, and our time most agreeably land, and employed in discovering the place spent in the company of my dear partner, of my retreat; so that I lived in continual who was a most engaging man in all respects, alarm, and provided myself with a speaking as I dare say my lady 0 - has since found trumpet, which stood by my bed-side, to be him. used in calling for assistance, in case my I assumed a fictitious name, took private pursuer should make an attack upon my lodgings in Poland street, retained lawyers, lodgings. and commenced a suit for separation against This situation being extremely uncomfortmy lord. I communicated the reasons of my able, I had no sooner begun my process elopement to my father, who was shocked against him, than I put myself entirely under and surprised at my conduct, which he con- the protection of Mr S-, who conducted demned with expressions of sorrow and re- me to the house of a friend of his who lived sentment. But the step was taken; nor did in the country, where I was secure from the I repent of what I had done, except on his attempts of my husband. account. The world had now given me up, and I In the morning after my arrival at London, had renounced the world with the most perI waited upon the lord-chief-justice, to whom feet resignation. I weighed in my breast I complained of the usage I had received what I should lose in point of character, with from my lord, whose temper was teasing, what I suffered in my peace at home, and tiresome, and intolerably capricious. Indeed, found that my reputation was not to be prehis behaviour was a strange compound of served, except at the expense of my quiet madness and folly, seasoned with a small (for his lordship was not disposed to malie me proportion of sense: no wonder then that I, easy, had I been ever so discreet). I therewho am hot and hasty, should be wretched fore determined to give up a few ceremonial under the persecution of such a perverse hu- visits and empty professions, for the more mourist, who used to terrify me, and scold at substantial enjoyments of life. ADVENTURES OF PEREGRINE PICKLE. 227 We passed our time very agreeably in siring that the assignation might be deferred various amusements with this friend of Mr till Thursday, that he might have time to S —, until the term of my reckoning was settle his affairs, and pay S5- a hundred almost expired, then returned to London, and pounds, which he had formerly borrowed of took lodgings in Southampton-street, where him. When Thursday came, he was favourI began to make the preparations for the ap- ed with another epistle, importing, that the proaching occasion. Here I proposed to live challenger had changed his mind, and would with the utmost circumspection. I disguised seek satisfaction at law. Thus ended that my name, saw nobody but my lawyer and heroic exploit, which his lordship now boastlover, and never approached the window, lest ed of with such arrogant misrepresentation. f should be discovered by accident. Whilst he regaled me with these interestNotwithstanding these precautions, my ing particulars, I was contriving a scheme to French maid, whom I had sent for some of frustrate the discovery he had made; so that my clothes, was dogged in her return, and I did not contradict his assertions, but told next morning my lord took my lodgings by him, that, if he would go down stairs, I storm. Had he given the assault in his own would rise and come to breakfast. He conperson only, I make no doubt but he would sented to this proposal with great cheerfulhave suffered a repulse from the opposition ness; and I own I was not a little surprised of the Liegeoise, who made all the resistance to find him, at this first interview, in as good in her power; but was obliged to give way a humour as if nothing had happened to into superior numbers. terrupt the felicity of our matrimonial union. I was at that time a-bed, and hearing an It cost me some invention to conceal my unusual noise below, rung my bell, in order to condition from his notice, being now within know the cause of such disturbance. I drew a week of the expected crisis; but I knew I my curtain at the same time, and who should had to do with a man of no great penetration, I see entering my chamber but his lordship, and succeeded in my attempt accordingly. attended by a constable, and the footman We breakfasted with great harmony, and I who had discovered my retreat! invited him to dinner, after having prevailed Such an unexpected visit could not fail to upon him to send away his myrmidons, affect me with surprise and consternation: whom, nevertheless, he ordered to return at however, I summoned all my fortitude to my eleven o'clock at night. We conversed toaid, and perceiving the fellows were about to gether with great gaiety and mirth. When open my window-shutters, desired their prin- I rallied him for visiting me in such a discipal to order them down stairs. I-Ie readily habile, he stood a tip-toe to view himself in complied with my request, and sitting down the glass; and, owning I was in the right, by my bedside, told me with an air of triumph, said he would go and dress himself before that he had found me at last; and I frankly dinner. owned, that I was heartily sorry for his suc- He accordingly went away, charging my cess. Instead of upbraiding me with my maid to give him entrance at his return; and escape, he proceeded to entertain me with he was no sooner gone than I wrote to Mr all the news in town, and gave me a minute S, giving him an account of what had detail of every thing that happened to him happened. Then, without having determinsince our parting; among other articles of ed upon any certain plan, I huddled on my intelligence, giving me to understand, that clothes, muffled myself up, and calling a'he had challenged Mr S, who refused to chair, went to the next tavern, where I staid fight him, and was in disgrace with the prince no longer than was sufficient to change my of W — on that account. vehicle; and, to the astonishment of the But here his lordship did not strictly ad- drawers, who could not conceive the meaning here to the naked truth: lie had indeed, be- of my perturbation, proceeded to a shop fore our departure from the country, gone to in the neighbourhood, where I dismissed my lover, and insisted upon having satis- my second chair, and procured a hackney faction in Hyde Park, two days from the coach, in which I repaired to the lodgings of date of his demand, and at three o'clock in my lawyer, whom I could trust. Having the afternoon; S, believing him in made him acquainted with the circumstances earnest, accepted the invitation; though he of my distress, and consulted him about a observed, that these affairs could not be dis- proper place of retreat, after some recolcussed too soon, and wished the time of meet- lection, he directed me to a little house in a i.ng might be at an earlier hour. But his court, to which, by the assistance of my lordship did not choose to alter the circum- lover, my woman and clothes were safely stances of his first proposal; and, when he conveyed that same evening. went away, said he should expect him at the My lord, however, came to dinner, au. appointed time and place, if it did not rain. cording to invitation, and did not seem at all His antagonist gave me an account of the alarmed when my maid told him I was gone, conversation, when I assured him the whole but stepped to my lawyer, to know if he business would end in smoke. Accordingly, thought I should return. Upon his answerrmy lord sent him a letter on Monday, de- ing in the affirmative, and advising his lord 228 SMOLLETT'S SELECT WORKS. ship to go back in the mean time, and eat word, he gave up all business and amusement, the dinner I had provided, he very deliber- and concentered all his care and assiduity in ately took his advice, made a very hearty ministering to my ease and satisfaction. And meal, drank his bottle of wine, and, as I did sure I had no cause to regret what I had sufnot return according to his expectation, fered on his account. withdrew, in order to consult his associates. But this my agreeable situation was one This motion of his furnished my woman day disturbed by a most alarming accident, with an opportunity of making her retreat; by which my life was drawn into imminent and, when he returned at night, the coast danger. The room under my bed-chamber was clear, and he found nobody in the house took fire; 1 immediately smelled it, and saw but a porter, who had been left to take care the people about me in the utmost perplexity of the furniture. He was so enraged at this and consternation, though they would not disappointment, that he made a furious noise, own the true cause of their confusion, lest which raised the whole neighbourhood, rein- my health should suffer in the fright. Neverforced his crew with the authority of a justice theless, I was so calm in my inquiries, that of the peace, tarried in the street till three they ventured to tell me my suspicion was o'clock in the morning, discharged a lodging but too just: upon which I gave such dihe had hired at a barber's shop opposite to rections as I thought would secure me from the house from which I had escaped, and re- catching cold, in case there should be a netired with the comfortable reflection of having cessity for removing me; but the fire being done every thing which man could do to re- happily extinguished, I escaped that ceretrieve me. mony, which might have cost me my life. The hurry of spirits and surprise I had Indeed it was surprising that the agitation undergone in effecting this retreat, produced of my spirits did not produce some fatal efsuch a disorder in my constitution, that I feet upon my constitution; and I looked began to fear I should be delivered before I upon my deliverance as the protection of a could be provided with necessaries for the particular providence. occasion. I signified my apprehension to Though I escaped the hazard of a sudden Mr S -, who, with infinite care and con- removal, I found it was high time to change cern, endeavoured to find a more convenient my lodgings, because the neighbours, rushing place; and, after all his inquiries, was oblig- into the house, upon the alarm of fire, had ed to fix upon a paltry apartment in the city, discovered my situation, though they were though his tenderness was extremely shock- ignorant of my name; and I did not think ed at the necessity of choosing it. However, myself safe in being the subject of their conthere was no remedy, nor time to be lost: to jectures. Mr S-, therefore, procured anthis miserable habitation I was carried in a other apartment, with better accommodation, hackney coach; and, though extremely ill, to which I was carried, as soon as my health bore my fate with spirit and resignation, in would admit of my removal; and soon after testimony of my sincere and indelible at- my lord wrote to me by the hands of my lawtachment to my lover, for whose ease and yer, earnestly entreating me to drop my propleaslure I could have suffered every incon- secution, and come home. But I would not venience, and even sacrificed my life. comply with his request; and nothing was Immediately after I had taken possession farther from my intention than the desire of of my wretched apartment, I was constrained receiving any favours at his hands. by my indisposition to go to bed, and send. Thus repulsed, he set on foot a most acfor necessary help; and in a few hours a curate search for my person; in the course living pledge of my love and indiscretion of which he is said to have detected several saw the light, though the terrors and fatigue ladies and young girls, who had reasons for I had undergone had affected this little in- keeping themselves concealed; and had like nocent so severely, that it scarce discovered to have been very severely handled for his any visible signs of life. impertinent curiosity. Being unsuccessful My grief at this misfortune was inexpress- in all his attempts, he entered into a treaty ible: I forthwith despatched a message to with one Sir R- H-, a person of a very the dear, the anxious father, who flew to my indifferent character, who undertook to firarms, and shared my sorrow, with all the nish him with an infallible expedient to dis. gentleness of love and parental fondness; cover the place of my abode, if he would grayet our fears were (for that time) happily tify him with a bond for a thousand pounds; disappointed by the recovery of our infant which being executed accordingly, this wordaughter, who was committed to the charge thy knight advertised me and my maid in the of a nurse in the neighbourhood; so that I public papers, offering one hundred pounds could every day be satisfied in my inquiries as a reward to any person who should disabout her health. Thus I continued a whole close the place of our retirement. fortnight in a state of happiness and tran- As soon as the paper fell into my hands, I quillity, being blessed with the conversation was again involved in perplexity; and, being and tender offices of my admirer, whose love afraid of staying in town, resolved, with the and attention I wholly engrossed. In a concurrence of my lover, to accept of an in ADVENTURES OF PEREGRINE PICKLE. 229 vitation I had received from the duke of forced to break off this enchanting corresK —, who had by this time arrived in Eng- pondence, it is not to be doubted that our land, with that lady whom I have already parting cost us the most acute sensations of mentioned as one of our parties at Paris. grief and disappointment. However, there Having visited my little infant, I next day set was no remedy: I tore myself from his arms, out for the duke's country seat, which is a took my leave of the family, after having acmost elegant chateau, and stands in a charm- knowledged my obligations to the duke, and ing situation: Mr S- followed in a few set out for the place of rendezvous, where I days. We met with avery cordialreception; was met by my lord, attended by a steward his grace was civil and good-natured, lived whom he had lately engaged, and who was nobly, and loved pleasure; Madame laT - one chief cause of our future separations. was formed to please; there was always a Mylord, having quitted his house in town, great deal of good company in the house; so conducted me to his lodgings in Pall-Mall, that we passed our time agreeably in playing and insisted upon sleeping with me the first at billiards and cards, hunting, walking, read- night; but I refused to gratify his desire, on ing, and conversation. the authority of our agreement. But my terms of happiness were generally This dispute produced a quarrel, in conof short duration. In the midst of this felicity sequence of which I attempted to leave the I was overtaken by a most severe affliction, house. He endeavouring to prevent my rein the death of my dear hapless infant, who treat, I fairly locked him in, ran down stairs, had engrossed a greater share of my tender- and, calling a hackney coach, made the best ness than perhaps I even should have paid of my way into the city, to my father's lodgto the offspring of a legitimate contract; ings, where I lay, the family being in town, because the circumstance of her birth would thouglh he himself was in the country. I have been an insurmountable misfbrtune to wrote to him immediately; and, when he her through the whole course of her life, and came to London, declared my intention of rendered her absolutely dependent on my separating from my lord; in which, seeing love and protection. me obstinate and determined, he at length While I still lamented the untimely fate acquiesced, and a formal separation accordof this fair blossom, Lord -- came down ingly ensued, which at that time I thought and demanded me as his wife; but the suit binding and immutable. which I then maintained against him depriv- I was now sheltered under the wings of aa ed him, for the present, of a husband's indulgent father, who had taken me into right; and therefore the duke would not de- favour again, on the supposition that my liver me into his hands. commerce with Mr S - was absolutely at In six months he repeated his visit and anend. Nevertheless, though we had separdemand; and an agreement was patched' up, ated, in all appearance, for ever, we had prein consequence of which I consented to live viously agreed to maintain our correspondence in the same house with him, on condition in private interviews, which should escape that he should never desire to sleep with me, the notice of the world, with which I was or take any other measure to disturb my again obliged to keep some measures. peace; otherwise I should be at liberty to Our parting at the duke of K-'s house leave him again, and entitled to the provision in the country was attended with all the of a separate maintenance. To these ar- genuine marks of sincere and reciprocal afticles I assented, by the advice of my law- fection, and I lived in the sweet hope of yers, with a view of obtaining the payment seeing him again, in all the transport of his of my pin-money, which I had never receiv- former passion, when my lawyer, who reed since our parting, but subsisted on the ceived my letters, brought me a billet one sale of my jewels, which were very consider- night, just as I had gone to bed. Seeing the able, and had been presented to me with full superscription of S -'s handwriting, I power of alienation. As to my lover, he opened it with all the impatience of an had no fortune to support me; and for that absent lover; but how shall I describe the reason I was scrupulously cautious of aug- astonishment and consternation with which menting his expense. I was seized, when I perused the contents We had now enjoyed each other's compa- Instead of the most tender vows and prony for three years, during which our mutual testations, this fatal epistle began with, passion had suffered no abatements nor had 1M1adam, the best thing you can do is to my happiness been mixed with any consider- return to you1 father; or some cold and able alloy, except that late stroke of pro- killing expression to that effect. vidence which I have already mentioned, and Heaven and earth! what did I feel at this the reflection of the sorrow that my conduct dire conjuncture! The light forsook my eyes, had entailed upon my dear father, whom I a cold sweat bedewed my limbs, and I was loved beyond expression, and whom nothing overwhelmed with such a torrent of sorrow could have compelled me to disoblige, but a and surprise, that every body present believed more powerful flame, that prevailed over I would have died under the violent agitation. every other consideration. As I was now They endeavoured to support my spirits with 230 SMOLLETT'S SELECT WORKS. repeated draughts of strong liquor, w'hich and that, for his part, whatever pangs it had no sensible effect upon my constitution, might cost him, he was resolved to banish though for eight whole years I had drank me from his sight for ever. nothing stronger than water; and I must While he uttered this declaration, the have infallibly perished in the first ecstasy of tears trickled down his cheeks, and he seernmy grief, had it not made its way in a fit of ed overwhelmed with the keenest sorrow and tears and exclamation, in which [ continued mortification; so it may be easily conceived all night, to the amazement of the family, what were the impressions of my grief, reinwhom my condition had alarmed, and raised forced with the affliction of a father whom I from their repose. My father was the only dearly loved, and the consciousness of being person who guessed the cause of my af- the cause of all his disquiet! I was struck fiction; he said he was sure I had received dumb with remorse and woe; and, when I some ill usage in a letter or message from recovered the use of speech, I told him how that rascal S-. (so he termed him in the sensible I was of his great goodness and bitterness of passion). humanity, and owned how little I deserved At mention of that name my agony re- his favour and affection: that the sense of doubled to such a degree, that all who were my own unworthiness was one cause of my present wept at sight of my deplorable con- present distraction; for such was the condition. My poor father shed a flood of tears, dition of my fate, that I must either see and conjured me to tell him the cause of my S- or die. I said, though I could not disquiet; upon which, rather than confess expect his forgiveness, I was surely worthy the truth, I amused his concern, by pretend- of his compassion; that nothing but the ing that my lover was ill. The whole family most irresistible passion could have misled having staid by me till I was a little more me at the first from my duty, or tempted me composed, left me to the care of my maid, to incur the least degree of his displeasure; who put me into bed about six in the morning, that the same fatal influence still prevailed, but I enjoyed no rest; I revolved every and would, in all probability, continue to circumstance of my conduct, endeavouring the grave, which was the only abode in to find out the cause of this fatal change in which I hoped for peace. S's dispos tion; and as I could recollect While I expressed myself in this manner, nothing which could justly give offence, con- my dear good father wept with the most cluded that some malicious person had abused tender sympathy, and, saying I might do as I his ears with stories to my prejudice. pleased, for he had done with me, quitted With this conjecture I got up, and sent the room, leaving me to the cruel sensationb my lawyer to him with a letter, wherein I of my own heart, which almost bursted with insisted upon seeing him, that I might have anguish, upbraiding me with a fault which I an opportunity of justifying myself in person; could not help committing. a task which would be easily performed, as I I immediately hired a chariot and six, and had never offended, but in loving too well. would have set out by my'elf, had not my I waited with the most anxious impatience father's affection, which all my errors could for the return of my messenger, who brought not efface, provided an attendant.' He saw me an answer couched in the coldest terms me quite delirious and desperate; and thereof civility which indifference could dictate; fore engaged a relation of my own to acacknowledging, however, that he had nothing company and take care of me in this rash to lay to my charge, but that it was for the expedition. good of us both we should part. He ought During this journey, which lasted two to have reflected on that before, not after I days, I felt no remission of grief and anxiety, had sacrificed my all for his love; I was well but underwent the most intolerable sorrow nigh distracted by this confirmation of his and suspense: at last we arrived at a little inconstancy; and I wonder to this day how house called the Hut, on Salisbury plain, I retained the use of my reason under such where, in the most frantic agitation, I wrote circumstances of horror and despair! My a letter to S, describing the miserable grief laid aside all decorum and restraint; I condition to which I was reduced by his untold my father that S was dying, and kindness, and desiring to see him with the that I would visit him with all expedition. most earnest solicitations. Startled at the proposal, this careful parent This billet I committed to the care of my demonstrated the fatal consequence of such attendant, and laid strong injunctions upon an unguarded step, reminded me of the dif- him to tell Mr S — my injuries were so ficulty with which he had preftmiled upon my great, and my despair so violent, that, if he mother and uncle to forgive my former im- did not favour me with a visit, I would go to prudence, observed that his intention was to him, though at his sister's house, where he carry nle into the country next day, in order then was. to effect a perfect reconciliation; but now I He received my message with great cold was on the brink of forfeiting all pretensions ness, and told my friend, that if I would to their regard, by committing another fatal return to London without insisting upon the error, which could not possibly be retrieved; interview I demanded, he would, in a little ADVENTURES OF PEREGRINE PICKLE. 23. time, follow me to town, and every thing for many years, during which she lived in should be amicably adjusted; but when the my service, was indefatigably assiduous ir messenger assured him that I was too much contributing to my ease, or rather in allevitransported with grief to hear of such a ating my affliction: for though S- came proposal, he consented to meet me in the up to town according to promise, and renewmiddle of Salisbury plain, that we might ed a sort of correspondence with me for the avoid all observation: and though I was space of five months, his complaisance would little able to walk, I set out on foot for the extend no farther; and he gave me to underplace of assignation, my companion follow- stand that he had determined to go abroad ing at a small distance. with Mr V -; whom he accordingly acWhen I saw him leading his horse down companied in his embassy to D -n. the hill, I collected all my fortitude, and ad- I understood the real cause of this expedivanced to him with all the speed I could tion, which, notwithstanding his oaths and exert; but when I made an effort to speak, protestations of unabated love and regard, I my tongue denied its office; and so lively construed into a palpable mark of dislike and was the expression of unutterable sorrow in disrespect: nor could the repeated assurances my countenance, that his heart (hard as it I received from him in letters mitigate the was) melted at sight of my sufferings, which anguish and mortification that preyed upon he well knew proceeded from the sincerity my heart. I therefore gave up all hopes of of my love. At length I recovered the use recovering the happiness I had lost: I told of speech enough to tell him, that I was him on the eve of his departure, that he might come to take my leave; and when I would exercise his gallantry a great while, before have proceeded, my voice failed me again; he would meet with my fellow in point of but, after a considerable pause, I found sincerity and love; for I would rather have means, with great difficulty, to let him know been a servant in his house, with the privihow sensible I was of my own incapacity lege of seeing him, than the queen of England to retrieve his lost affections; but that I was debarred of that pleasure. willing (if possible) to retain his esteem, of When he took his leave, and went down which, could I be assured, I would endeavour stairs, I shrunk at every step he made, as if to compose myself; that I was determined a new wound had been inflicted upon me; to leave the kingdom, because I could not and when I heard the door shut behind him, bear the sight of those places where we had my heart died within me. (I had the satisbeen so happy in our mutual love; and that, faction to hear afterwards, he lamented the till my departure, I hoped he would visit me loss of me prodigiously, and that he had never sometimes, that. I might, by degrees, wean been so happy since). I sat down to write myself from his company; for I should not a letter, in which I forgave his indifference, be able to survive the shock of being depriv- because I knew the affections are altogether ed of him all at once. involuntary, and wished him all the happiness This address may seem very humble to an he deserved. I then walked up and down unconcerned observer; but love will tame the the room in the most restless anxiety, was proudest disposition, as plainly appeared in put to bed by my maid, rose at six, mounted my case; for I had naturally as much spirit, Iny horse, and rode forty miles, in order to or more, than the generality of people have. fatigue myself, that I might next night enjoy Mr S was so much confounded at the some repose. This exercise I daily undermanner of my behaviour, that he scarce went for months together; and when it did knew what answer to make; for (as he after- not answer my purpose, I used to walk round wards owned) he expected to hear himself Hyde Park in the evening, when the place upbraided; but he was not proof against my was quite solitary and unvisited by any other tenderness. After some hesitation, he said, human creature. he never meant to forsake me entirely; that In the course of this melancholy perambu his affection was still unimpaired, and that lation, I was one day accosted by a very great he would follow me directly to London. I man, who, after the first salutation, asked imposed upon myself, and believed what he whether or not my intercourse with Ssaid, because I could not bear to think of was at an end? and if I had any allowance parting with him for ever, and returned to from my husband? To the first of these questown in a more tranquil state of mind than tions I replied in the affirmative; and to the that in which I had left my father, though last answered, that my lord did not allow me my heart was far from being at ease; my a great deal-indeed I might have truly said fears being ingenious enough to foresee, that nothing at all; but I was too proud to own I should never be able to overcome his in- my indigence. He then expressed his wondifference. der, how one like me, who had been used to I took lodgings in Mount-street; and my splendour and affluence from my cradle, could maid having disposed of herself in marriage, make shift to live in my present narrow cirhired another, who supplied her place very cumnstances; and, when I told him that I could much to my satisfaction: she was a good make a very good shift, so I had peace, he girl, had a particular attachment to me, and, seemed to lament my situation, and very 20 232 SMOLLETT'S SELECT WORKS. kindly invited me to sup with his wife at his I had left, which amounted to five hundred house. I accepted the invitation, without pounds, until the issue of my law-suit, by any apprehension of the consequence; and, which I hoped to obtain some provision from when I went to the place, was introduced my lord; and, without all doubt, my expectainto an apartment magnificently lighted up tion would have been answered, had I put (I suppose) for my reception. this my plan in execution; but, being at Paris, After I had staid alone for some time in from whence I purposed to set forward in a this mysterious situation, without seeing a few days, I sent to M. K-, who had been living soul, my inviter appeared, and said, he formerly intimate with my father, and shown hoped I would not take it amiss that he and me many civilities during my first residence I were to sup by ourselves, as he had some- in France. thing to say, which could not be soqroperly This gentleman favoured me with a visit; communicated before company or servants. and, when I made him acquainted with my I then, for the first time, perceived his drift, scheme, dissuaded me from it, as an uncomto my no small surprise and indignation; and, fortable determination. He advised me to with evident marks of displeasure, told him, stay at Paris, where, with good economy, I I was sure he had nothing to propose that could live as cheap as in any other place, would be agreeable to my inclination, and and enjoy the conversation and countenance that I would immediately leave the house: of my friends, among which number he deupon which he gave me to understand, that I dared himself one of the most faithful. He could not possibly retire, because he had sent assured me, that I should be always welcome away my chair, and all his servants were dis- to his table, and want for nothing. He proposed to obey his orders. mised to recommend me as a lodger to a Incensed at this declaration, which I con- friend of his with whom I would live in a frusidered as an insult, I answered with an air gal and decent manner; and observed, that, of resolution-it was very well; I despised as the woman was well known and esteemed his contrivance, and was afraid of nobody. by all the English company in Paris, it would Seeing me thus alarmed, he assured me I had be the most reputable step I could take (conno reason to be afraid; that he had loved me sidering my youth and situation), to lodge long, and could find no other opportunity of with a creditable person, who could answer declaring his passion. He said, the q- for my conduct. Thus persuaded, I very had told him that Lord - had renewed his simply followed his advice-I say simply, addresses to me; and as he understood from because, notwithstanding his representations, my own mouth, my correspondence with I soon found my money melt away, without S- was absolutely broken off, he thought any prospect of a fresh supply. In lieu of himself as well entitled as another to my this, however, I passed my time very agreeregard. In conclusion, he told me, that I ably in several English and some French might command his purse, and that he had families, where, in a little time, I became power enough to bring me into the world quite intimate, saw a great deal of company, again with eclat. To these advances I re- and was treated with the utmost politeness plied, that he was very much mistaken in and regard: yet, in the midst of these pleahis opinion of my character, if he imagined I sures, many a melancholy sigh would rise at was to be won by any temptations of fortune the remembrance of my beloved S, whom, -and very frankly declared, that I would for several years, I could not recollect withrather give myself to a footman, than sell out emotion; but time, company, amusements, myself to a prince. and change of place, in a great measure disSupper being served, we sat down together, sipated these ideas, and enabled me to bear but I would neither eat nor drink any thing my fate with patience and resignation. except a little bread and water; for I was an On my last arrival at Paris, I was surroundodd whimsical girl, and it came into my head, ed by a crowd of professed admirers, who that he might perhaps have mixed something sighed and flattered in the usual forms; but in the victuals or wine, which would alter my besides that my heart was not in a condition way of thinking. In short, finding himself to contract new engagements, I was preposbaffled in all his endeavours, he permitted me sessed against them all, by supposing that about twelve o'clock to depart in peace, and they presumed upon the knowledge of my gaN e up his suit as a desperate cause. indiscretion with S -; and therefore reThis uncomfortable life did I lead for a jected their addresses with detestation and whole twelvemonth, without feeling the least disdain;-for, as I have already observed, I abatement of my melancholy. Finding my- was not to be won but by the appearance of self worn to a skeleton, I resumed my former esteem, and the most respectful carriage; resolution of trying to profit by change of and though, by a false step, I had, in my own place, and actually went abroad, with no opinion, forfeited my title to the one, I was other attendant than my woman, and the ut- resolved to discourage the advances of any most indifference for life. My intention was man who seemed deficient in the other. to have gone to the south of France, where In this manner my lovers were one by one I thought I could have subsisted on the little repulsed, almost as soon as they presented ADVENTURES OF PEREGRINE PICKLE. 233 themselves: and I preserved the indepen- mortification from a person who was the obdence of my heart, until I became acquainted ject of mny abhorrence and contempt. From with a certain peer, whom I often saw at the a mistaken pride, I chose to live in Lord house of Mrs P-, an English lady then resi- B —'s house, rather than be maintained at his dent at Paris. This young nobleman pro- expense in any other place. We spent sevefessed himself deeply enamoured of me, in a ral months agreeably in balls and other distyle so different from that of my other ad- versions, visited Lord B-k, who lived at the mirers, that I heard his protestations without distance of a few leagues from Paris, and staid disgust; and, though my inclinations were some days at his house, where the entertainstill free, could not find in my heart to dis- ment was, in all respects, delightful, elegant, countenance his addresses, which were pre- and refined. Their habitation was the renferred with the most engaging modesty, dis- dezvous of the best company in France; and interestedness, and respect. Lady B-k maintained the same superiority By these never-failing arts, he gradually in her own sex, for which her lord is so justly conquered my indifference, and gained the distinguished among the men. preference in my esteem from Lord C-y About Christmas we set out for England, and the Prince of C-, who were at that time accompanied by a little North Briton, who his rivals. But what contributed more than lived with Lord B- as his companion, and any consideration to his success was, his de- did not at all approve of our correspondence: claring openly, that he would marry me with- whether out of real friendship for his patron, out hesitation, as soon as I could obtain a or apprehension that in time I might superdivorce from my present husband, which, in sede his own influence with my lord, I shall all probability, might have been easily pro- not pretend to determine. Be that as it will, cured; for, before I left England, Lord - the frost was so severe, that we were detained had offered me five thousand pounds, if I ten days at Calais before we could get out of would consent to such a mutual release, that the harbour; and, during that time, I reflected he might be at liberty to espouse one Miss seriously on what my new lover had proposed. W —— of Kent, to whom he then made love As he was very young, and unacquainted upon honourable terms; but I was fool enough with the world, I thought my story might to refuse his proposal by the advice of S-: have escaped him; and therefore determined and whether or not his lordship, finding it to give him a faithful detail of the whole, that impracticable to wed his new mistress, began he might not have any thing to reproach me to make love upon another footing, I know with in the sequel; besides, I did not think it not; but, certain it is, the mother forbade honest to engage him to do more for me than him the house, a circumstance which he took he might afterwards, perhaps, think I was so heinously ill, that he appealed to the world worth. Accordingly I communicated to him in a public advertisement, beginning with,- every particular of my life; and the narration, "' Whereas, for some time, I have passionately far from altering his sentiments, rather conloved Miss W-, and, upon my not comply- firmnned his good opinion, by exhibiting an uning with the mother's proposals, they have doubted proof of my frankness and sincerity. turned me out of doors-this is to justify," &c. In short, he behaved with such generosity, as This declaration, signed with his name, made an absolute conquest of my heart: but was actually printed in a number of detached my love was of a different kind from that advertisements, which he ordered to be dis- which had formerly reigned within my breast, tributed to the public; and afterwards, being being founded upon the warmest gratitude convinced by some of his friends that he had and esteem, exclusive of any other considerdone a very silly thing, he recalled them at ation, though his person was very agreeable half a guinea a-piece: a copy of one of them and his address engaging. was sent to me at Paris, and I believe my When we arrived in England, I went difather has now one of the originals in his rectly to his country seat, about twelve miles possession. After this wise vindication of from London, where he soon joined me, and his conduct, he made an attempt to carry off we lived some time in perfect retirement, his the lady from church by force of arms; but relations being greatly alarmed with the apshe was rescued by the neighbours, headed prehension that Lord - would bring an by her brother, who being an attorney, had action against him, though he himself desired like to have made his lordship smart severely nothing more, and lived so easy under that for this exploit. expectation, that they soon laid aside their Meanwhile my new admirer had made fears on his account. some progress in my heart; and, my finances We were visited by Mr H- B-, a being exhausted, I was reduced to the alter- relation of my lord, and one Mr Ra- of the native of returning to Lord -- again, or guards, who, with the little Scotchman, and accepting Earl B-'s love. When my af- my lover, made an agreeable set, among fairs were brought to that issue, I made no whom I enjoyed hunting, and all manner of hesitation in my choice, putting myself under country diversions. As to Mr H- B-, the protection of a man of honour, whom I if ever there was perfection in one man, it esteemed, rather than suffer every sort of centered in him; or, at least, he, of al' the 2 E 234 SMOLLETT'S SELECT WORKS. men I ever knew, approached nearest to that request, had I not been judged too weak to idea which I had conceived of a perfect cha- bear the shock of such an interview. My racter. He was both good and great, pos- constitution, however, agreeably disappointed sessed an uncommon genius, and the best of their fears; and the fever had no sooner left hearts. Mr R- was a very sociable man, me, than I was removed to a hunting seat had a good person, and cultivated understand- belonging to my lover, from whence, after I ing; and my lord was excessively good hu- had recovered my strength, we went to Bmoured:-so that, with such companions, no castle, where we kept openouse; and while place could be dull or insipid. For my own we remained at this place, Lord B- repart, I conducted the family; and, as I en- ceived a letter from Lord -, dated in Nodeavoured to please and make every body vember, challenging him to single combat in happy, I had the good fortune to succeed. May, upon the frontiers of France and FlanMr B told me, that, before he saw me, ders. This defiance was sent in consequence he heard I was a fool; but finding (as he was of what had passed betwixt them long before pleased to say), that I had been egregiously my indisposition, at a meeting in a certain misrepresented, he courted my friendship, tavern, where they quarrelled, and, in the and a correspondence commenced between fray, my lover threw his antagonist under us: indeed, it was impossible for any person the table. I counselled him to take no noto know him, without entertaining the utmost tice of this rhodomontade,. which I knew was esteem and veneration for his virtue. void of all intention of performance; and he After I had lived some time in this agree- was wise enough to follow my advice, reable retreat, my husband began to make a solved, however, should the message be repeatbustle. He sent a message, demanding me ed, to take the challenger at his word. from Lord B; then came in person, with Having resided some time in this place, we his nightcap in his pocket, intending to have returned to the other country house which he staid all night, had he been asked, and at- had left, where Lord B- addicted himself tended by a relation, whom he assured that so much to hunting, and other male diverI was very fond of him, and detained by force sions, that I began to think lie neglected me, from his arms. and apprised him of my suspicion, assuring Finding himself disappointed in his ex- him, at the same time, that I would leave pectations, he commenced a law-suit against him as soon as my opinion should be conLord B-, though not for a divorce, as we firmed. desired, but with a view to reclaim me as his This declaration had no effect upon his lawful wife. His lawyers, however, attempt- behaviour, which became so remarkably cold, ed to prove criminal conversation, in hopes that even Mr R-, who lived with us, imaof extorting money from my lover: but their gined that his affection was palpably diminendeavours were altogether fruitless; for no ished. When I went to town, I was usually servant of'Lord B's or mine could with attended by his cousin, or this gentleman, or iustice say we were ever seen to trespass both, but seldom favoured with his company; against modesty and decorum; so that the nay, when I repaired to Bath, for the replaintiff was nonsuited. establishment of my health, he permitted me While this cause was depending, all my to go alone-so that I was quite persuaded lover's friends expressed fear and concern for of his indifference; and yet I was mistaken the issue, while he himself behaved with the in my opinion; but I had been spoiled by the utmost resolution, and gave me such con- behaviour of my first husband and Mr 5-, vincing proofs of a strong and steady affec- who never quitted me for the sake of any tion, as augmented my gratitude, and rivetted amusement, and often resisted the calls of the ties of my love, which was unblemished, the most urgent business, rather than part faithful, and sincere. from me, though but for a few hours. I Soon after this event, I was seized with a thought every man who loved me truly would violent fit of illness, in which I was visited act in the same manner; and, whether I am by my father, and attended by two physicians, right or wrong in'my conjectures. I leave one of whom despaired of my life, and took wiser casuists to judge. Certain it is, such his leave accordingly; but Dr S, who sacrifice and devotion is the most pleasing vwas the other, persisted in his attendance, proof of an admirer's passion; and, voyez and, in all human appearance, saved my life; moi plus souvent, et ne me donnez rien, is a circumstance by which he acquired a great one of my favourite maxims. A man may share of reputation; yet, notwithstanding all give money, because he is profuse; he may his assistance, I was confined to my bed for be violently fond, because he is of a sanguine ten weeks; during which Lord B -'s grief constitution; but, if he gives me his time, lihe was immoderate, his care and generosity un- gives me an unquestionable proof of my being limited. While I lay in this extremity, Mr in full possession of his heart. S —, penetrated by my melancholy condi- My appearance at Bath, without the comtion, which revived his tenderness, begged pany of Lord B -, occasioned a general leave to be admitted to my presence; and surprise, and encouraged the men to pester Lord B —- would have complied with his me with addresses, every new admirer en ADVENTURES OF PEREGRINE PICKLE.'235 deavouring to advance his suit by demonstrat- was heir-at-law: for that reason he judiciousmg the unkind and disrespectful behaviour of ly declined being personally concerned; and his lordship. Indeed this was the most ef- we pitched upon the earl of A-, his lordfectual string they could touch; my pride and ship's uncle, who willingly undertook the resentment were alarmned, and I was weak office. enough to listen to one man, who had like At the appointed time they went to the to have insinuated himself into my inclina- house of rendezvous, where they had not tions. He was tall and large boned, with waited long when the challenger appeared, white hair, inclined to what is called sandy, in a new pink satin waistcoat, which he had and had the reputation of being handsome, put on for the occasion, with his sword under though I think he scarcely deserved that his arm, and his steward by him, leaving, in epithet. He possessed a large fortune, loved an hackney coach at some distance, a surgeon mischief, and stuck at nothing for the accol- whom he had provided for the cate of his perplishment of his designs, one of his chief son. Thus equipped, he advanced to his anpleasures being that of setting any two lovers tagonist, and desired him to choose his ground; at variance. He employed his address upon upon which Lord B — told him, that if, he mne with great assiduity, and knew so well must fall, it was not material which grave he how to manage my resentment, that I was should tumble over. pleased with his manner, heard his vows Our little hero, finding him so jocose and without disgust, and, in a word, promised to determined, turned to Lord A -, and dedeliberate within myself upon his proposals, sired to speak with him, that he might disand give him an account of my determina- burden his conscience before they should tion in writing. begin the work of death. They accordingly Thus resolved, I went to Lord B13,in went aside: and he gave him to understand, Wiltshire, whither I was followed by this that his motive for fighting, was Lord B ——'s pretender to my heart, who visited us on the detaining his wife from him by compulsion. footing of an acquaintance; but, when I re- The earl of A — assured him he was cgreflected on what I had done, I condemned my giously mistaken in his conjecture; that his own conduct as indiscreet, though nothing nephew used no force or undue influence to decisive had passed between us, and began keep me in his house; but it could-not be exto hate him in proportion to the self-convic- pected that he would turn me out of doors. tion I felt, perceiving that I had involved my- This explanation was altogether- satisfac. self in a difficulty, from which I should not tory to Lord -, who said he was far'from be easily disengaged For the present, how- being so unreasonable as to expect Lord ever, I found means to postpone my declara- B- would commit such a breach of hospition; he admitted my excuse, and I returned tality; and all he desired was, that his wife to London with Iord B, who was again should be left to her own inclinations. Upon Summoned to the field by his former chal- these articles peace was concluded, and they lenger. parted without bloodshed. At least these iH-d-n, governor, counsellor, and steward are the particulars of the story, as they were to this little hero, came to Lord B with related by Lord A-, with whom I laughed a verbal message, importing, that his lordship heartily at the adventure; for I never doubted had changed iis mind about going to Flan- that the challenger would find some expedient ders, but expected to meet him, on such a to prevent the duel, though I wondered how day and hour, in the burying-ground near he mustered up resolution enough to carry it Red-Lion-square. Lord B accepted the so far. challenge, and gave me an account of what That he might not, however, give us any had passed; but he had been anticipated by more trouble, we resolved to go'and enjoy the messenger, who had already tried to alarm ourselves in France, whithei I went by mymy fears, from the consideration of the con- self, in hopes of being soon joined by my sequence, that I' might take some measures lover, who was obliged to stay some time to prevent their meeting. I perceived his longer in England, to settle his affairs. He' drift, and told him plainly, that Lord -- was so much affected at our parting (though had no intention to risk his person, though but for a few weeks), that he was almost dis. he endeavoured with all his might to persuade tracted; and this affliction renewed my ten me, that his principal was desperate and de- derness for him, because it was an undoubted termined. I knew my little husband too well proof of his love. I wrote to him every post to think he would bring matters to any dan- from France; and, as I had no secrets, degerous issue, and was apprehensive of nothing sired him to take care of all the letters that out foul play, from the villainy of H:n, should come to his house, directed to me, with which I was equally well acquainted. after my departure from England. Indeed, I signified my doubts on that score This was an unfortunate office for him, in to Mr B. who would have attended his the execution of which lie chanced to open a kinsmafi to the field, had he not thought he letter from Sir T — A ——, with whom (as might be liable to censure, if any thing should I have already observed): I had some correshappen to Lord B -, because he himself pondence at Bath. Ihad, according tonmy 20* 236 SMOLLETT'S SELECT WORKS. promise, given this gentleman a decisive an-' perfidious conduct. I took no notice ot swer, importing that I was determined to these delirious transports, which were also remain in my present situation; but as Lord disregarded by Lord B, till one night B — was ignorant of my sentiments in that he was exasperated by the insinuations of particular, and perceived from the letter that Mr C —, who, I believe, inflamed his something extraordinary had passed between jealousy, by hinting a suspicion that I was us, and that I was earnestly solicited to leave really in love with his rival. What passed him, he was seized with the utmost con- betwixt them I know not, but he sent for me sternation and concern; and having previous- from the opera, by a physician of Paris, who ly obtained the king's leave to go abroad, set was a sort of go between among us all, and out that very night for France, leaving his who told me, that if I did not come home affairs in the greatest confusion. on the instant, a duel would be fought on my Sir T- A- hearing I was gone, with- account. out understanding the cause of my departure, I was very much shocked at this infortook the same route, and both arrived at mation; but by being used to alarms from Dover next day. They heard of each other's the behaviour of Lord -, I had acquired motions: each bribed the master of a packet- a pretty good share of resolution, and with boat to transport him with expedition; but great composure entered the room where that depending upon the wind, both reached Lord B-~ was, with his companion, Calais at the same time, though in different whom I immediately ordered to withdraw. vessels. Sir I' — sent his valet-de- I then gave his lordship to understand, that chambre, post, with a letter, entreating me I was informed of what had passed, and to accompany him into Italy, where he would thought myself so much injured by the person make me mistress of his whole fortune, and who had just quitted the apartment, that I to set out directly for that country, that he would no longer live under the same root might not lose me by the arrival of Lord with him. B —, promising to join me on the road, Lord B-: raved like a bedlamite, if I would consent to make him happy. I taxing me with want of candour and afsent his messenger back with an answer, fection; but I easily justified my own integwherein I expressed surprise at his pro- rity, and gave him such assurances of my posals, after having signified my resolution love, that his jealousy subsided, and his to him before Ileft England. He was scarce spirits were recomposed. Nevertheless, I dismissed, when I received another letter insisted upon his dismissing Mr C —, on from Lord B-, beseeching me to meet pain of my leaving the house, as I could not him at Clermont, upon the road from Calais; help thinking he had used his endeavours to and conjuring me to avoid the sight of his prejudice me in the opinion of my lord. rival, should he get the start of him in tra- If his conduct was the result of friendship veiling. This, however, was not likely to be for his patron, he certainly acted the part of the case, as Lord B- rode post, and an honest and trusty adherent; but I could the other was, by his corpulence, obliged to not easily forgive him, because a few weeks travel in a chaise; yet, that I might not in- before, he had, by my interest, obtained a crease his anxiety, I left Paris immediately considerable addition to his allowance; and on the receipt of his message, and met him even after the steps he had taken to disoblige at the appointed place, where he received me, I was not so much his enemy but that I me with all the agitation of joy and fear, and prevailed upon Lord B- to double his asked if I had ever encouraged Sir T- salary, that his leaving the family might be A — in his addresses. I very candidly no detriment to his fortune. told him the whole transaction, at which he His lordship having complied with my was incensed; but his indignation was soon demand, this gentleman, after having staid appeased, when I professed my penitence, three days in the house, to prepare for his and assured him that I had totally rejected departure, during which I would not suffer his rival. Not that I approve of my be- him to be admitted into my presence. made haviour to Sir T-, who (I own) was ill his retreat with a fine young girl who was used in this affair; but surely it was more my companion; and I have never seen him excusable to halt here, than proceed farther since that timle. in my indiscretion. Sir T - still continued furious, and My lover being satisfied with my decla- would not take a denial, except from my ration, we went together to Paris, being at- own mouth; upon which, with the approtended by the Scotchman whom I have al- bation of Lord B -, I indulged him with ready mentioned, though I believe he was an interview. He entered the apartment not over and above well pleased to see mat- with a stern countenance, and told me I had ters thus amicably compromised. The fu- used him ill. I pleaded guilty to the charge, rious knight followed us to the capital; in- and begged his pardon accordingly. I atsisted on seeing me in person; told this tempted to reason the case with him, but he North Briton, that I was actually engaged would hear no arguments except his own, to him; wrote every hour, and railed at my and even tried to intimidate me with threats, ADVENTURES OF PEREGRINE PICKLE. 237 which provoked me to such a degree, that I intimate regard and anxiety for his interest; defied his vengeance. I told him, that I and felt for him as if he had been my own feared nothing but the report of my own con- son; but still there was a vacancy in my science; that, though I had acted a simple heart; there was not that fervour, that part, he durst not say there was any thing transport, that ecstasy of passion which I criminal in my conduct; and that, from his had formerly known; my bosom was not present frantic and unjust behaviour, I filled with the little deity; I could not help thought myself happy in having escaped him. recalling to my remembrance the fond, the He swore I was the most inflexible of all ravishing moments I had passed with S-. creatures, asked if nothing would move me? Had I understood the conditions of life, and when I answered, nothing, took his those pleasures were happily exchanged for leave, and never afterwards persecuted me my present situation, because, if I was now with his addresses; though I have heard deprived of those rapturous enjoyments, I he was vain and false enough to boast of was also exempted from the cares and anxiefavours, which, upon my honour, lie never ty that attended them; but I was generally received, as he himself, at one time, owned extravagant in my notions of happiness, and to Dr Cantwell at Paris. therefore construed my present tranquillity While he underwent all this frenzy and into an insipid langour and stagnation of life. distraction upon my account, he was loved While I remained in this inactivity of senwith the same violence of passion by a timent, Lord -- having received a very certain Scotch lady of quality, who, when he considerable addition to his fortune, sent a followed me to France, pursued him thither message to me, promising, that if I would with the same eagerness and expedition. leave Lord B —, he would make me a Far from being jealous of me as a rival, she present of a house and furniture, where I used to come to my house, implore my good should live at my ease, without being exposoffices with the object of her love, and, lay- ed to his visits, except when I should be dising herself on the floor at full length before posed to receive them. This proposal he;he fire, weep and cry like a person bereft of made, in consequence of what I had always aer senses. She bitterly complained that declared, namely, that if he had not reduced he had never obliged her but once; and me to the necessity of putting myself under begged, with the most earnest supplications, the protection of some person or other, by that I would give her an opportunity of depriving me of any other means of subseeing him at my house. But I thought sistence, I should never have given the world proper to avoid her company, as soon as I the least cause to scandalize my reputation; perceived her intention. and that I would withdraw myself from my We continued at Paris for some time, present dependence as soon as he should duiring which I contracted an acquaintance enable me to live by myself. I was, therewith the sister of Madame la T-. She fore, resolved to be as good as my word, and was the supposed mistress of the prince of accepted his offer, on condition that I should C ——, endowed with a great share of under- be wholly at my own disposal, and that he standing, and loved pleasure to excess, should never enter my door but as a visitant thoagh she maintained her reputation on or common friend. a respectable footing, by living with her These acticles being ratified by his word husband and mother. This lady, perceiving and honour (the value of which I did not that I had inspired her lover with a passion, then know), a house was furnished accordwhich gave me uneasiness on her account, ing to my direction; and I signified my inactually practised all her eloquence and art tention to Lord B-, who consented to my in persuading me to listen to his love; for it removal, with this proviso, that I should conwas a maxim with her to please him at any tinue to see him. I wrote also to his rerate. I was shocked at her indelicate com- lation Mr B —-—, who, in his answer, obplaisance, and rejected the proposal, as re- served, that it was too late to advise, when I pugnant to my present engagement, which was actually determined. All my friends I held as sacred as any nuptial tie, and much and acquaintance approved of the scheme, more binding than a forced or unnatural though it was one of the most unjustifiable marriage. steps I had ever taken, being a real act of inUpon our return to England, we lived in gratitude to my benefactor; which I soon great harmony and peace: and nothing was did, and always shall regret and condemn. wanting to my happiness, but the one thing So little is the world qualified to judge of to me the most needful; I mean the en- private affairs! chanting tenderness and delightful enthusi- When the time of our parting drew near, asm of love. Lord B-'s heart, I believe, Lord B-: became gloomy and discontent. felt the soft impressions; and, for my own ed, and even intreated me to postpone my part, I loved him with the most faithful resolution; but I told him that now every affection. It is not enough to say I wished thing was prepared for my reception, I could him well; I had the most delicate, the most not retract without incurring the imputation genuine esteem for his virtue; I had an of folly and extravagance. On the very day 238 SMOLLETT'S SELECT WORKS. of my departure, Mr B - endeavoured, portune me again to live with him; and, with all the arguments he could suggest, to by the increasing anxiety of Lord B -, dissuade me from my purpose; and I made who (though I still admitted his visits) plainuse of the same answer which had satisfied ly perceived that I wanted to relinquish his his friend. Finding me determined upon re- correspondence. This discovery raised such moving, he burst out into a flood of tears, tempests of jealousy and despair within his exclaiming, —" By G-d, if Lord B — breast, that he kept me in continual alarms; can bear it, I can't." I was thunderstruck he sent messages to me every hour, signed at the expression; for though I had been his letters with his own blood, raved like a told that Mr B — was in love with me, man in an ecstasy of madness, railed at my I gave no credit to the report, because he ingratitude and praised my conduct by turns. had never declared his passion, and this was He offered to sacrifice every thing for my the first hint of it that ever escaped him in love, to leave the kingdom forthwith, and my hearing. I was therefore so much live with me for ever in any part of the world amazed at the circumstance of this abrupt where I should choose to reside, explanation, that I could make no answer; These were generous and tempting probut having taken my leave, went away, rumi- posals; but I was beset with counsellors nating on the unexpected declaration. who were not totally disinterested, and who Lord B — (as I was informed) spoke dissuaded me from embracing the proffers of not a word that whole night, and took my my lover, on pretence that Lord - would leaving him so much to heart, that two years be highly injured by my compliance. I listenelapsed before he got the better of his grief. ed to their advice, and hardened my heart This intelligence I afterwards received from against Lord B-'s sorrow and solicitations. his own mouth, and asked his forgiveness My behaviour on this occasion is altogether for my unkind retreat, though I shall never unaccountable; this was the only time that be able to obtain my own. As for Mr B-, ever I was a slave to admonition. The conhe was overwhelmed with sorrow, and made dition of Lord B - would have melted such efforts to suppress his concern, as had any heart but mine, and yet mine was one of well nigh cost him his life. Dr S- was the most sensible: he employed his cousin called to him in the middle of the night, and as an advocate with me, till that gentleman found him almost suffocated. He soon actually refused the office, telling him canguessed the cause, when he understood that didly, that his own inclinations were too I had left the house: so that I myself was much engaged to permit him to perform the the only person concerned, who was utterly task with fidelity and truth. He accordingly ignorant of his affection; for I solemnly de- resolved to avoid my presence, until my lord dare he never gave me the least reason to and I should come to some final determisuspect it while (I lived with his relation, be- nation, which was greatly retarded by the cause he had too much honour to entertain a perseverance of his lordship, who would not thought of supplanting his friend, and too resign his hopes, even when I pretended that good an opinion of me to believe lie should another man had engaged my heart, but said, have succeeded in the attempt. Though my that in time my affection might return. love for Lord B-: was not so tender and Our correspondence, however, gradually interesting as the passion I had felt for wore off; upon which Mr B- renewed S, my fidelity was inviolable, and I his visits, and many agreeable and happy never harboured the most distant thought of hours we passed together. Not that he, or any other person, till after I had resolved to any other person whom I now saw, succeedleave him, when, I own, I afforded some ed to the privilege of a fortunate lover; I small encouragement to the addresses of a knew he loved me to madness; but I would new admirer, by telling him, that I should in not gratify his passion any other way than a little time be my own mistress, though I by the most profound esteem and veneration was not now at my own disposal. for his virtues, which were altogether amiable I enjoyed my new house as a little para- and sublime; and I would here draw his dise: it was accommodated with all sorts character minutely, but it would take up too of conveniences; every thing was new, and much time to set forth his merit; the only therefore pleasing, and the whole absolutely man living of my acquaintance who reat my command. I had the company of a sembles him, is Lord F-, of whom I shall relation, a very good woman, with whom I speak in the sequel. lived in the most amicable manner; was About this time I underwent a very intervisited by the best people in town (I mean esting change in the situation of my heart. those of the male sex, the ladies having long I had sent a message to my old lover S —, ago forsaken me); I frequented all reputable desiring he would allow my picture, which places of public entertainment, and had a was in his possession, to be copied; and he concert at home once a-week; so that my now transmitted it to me by my lawyer, days rolled on in happiness and quiet, till all whom he directed to ask, if I intended to be my sweets were embittered by the vexatious at the next masquerade? This curiosity had bpbaviour of my husband, who began to im- a strange effect upon my spirits; my heart ADVENTURES OF PEREGRINE PICKLE. 239 fluttered at the question, and my ilnagination informed: upon which I sent for Lord -, glowed with a thousand fond presages. I and, in his presence, convicted him of the answered in the affirmative; and we met by falsehood, by communicating to his grace accident at the ball. I could not behold him the articles of our last agreement, which he without emotion: when he accosted me, his did not think proper to deny; and the duke well known voice made my heart vibrate — being undeceived, declared, that he would like a musical chord, when its unison is not have given me the trouble of vindicating struck. All the ideas of our past love, which myself, had he not been misled by the inthe lapse of time and absence had enfeebled sincerity of my lord. and lulled to sleep, now awoke, and were re- Baffled in this attempt, he engaged Mr inspired by his appearance; so that his artful H- V —, and afterwards my own father, excuses were easily admitted: I forgave him in the same task; and though I still adhered all that I had suffered on his account, be- to my first resolution, persisted with such cause he was the natural lord of my affec- obstinacy in his endeavours to make me untions; and our former correspondence was happy, that I determined to leave the kingrenewed. dom. Accordingly, after I had spent the I thought myself in a new world of bliss evening with him at Ranelagh, I went away in consequence of this reconciliation, the about two o'clock in the morning, leaving rapture of which continued unimpaired for my companion, with directions to restore to the space of four months, during which time mylord his house, furniture, plate, and every he was fonder of me, if possible, than before; thing he had given me since our last accomrepeated his promise of marriage, if we modation; so far was I, upon this occasion, should ever have it in our power; assured or at any other time of my life, from emme he had never been happy since he left bezzling any part of his fortune. My friend me; that he believed no woman had ever followed my instructions most punctually; loved like me: and indeed, to have a notion and his lordship knows, and will acknowof my passion for that man, you must first ledge, the truth of this assertion. have loved as I did: but through a strange Thus have I explained the true cause of caprice, I broke off the correspondence, out my first expedition to Flanders, whither the of apprehension that he would forsake me world was good natured enough to- say I folagain. From his past conduct, I dreaded lowed Mr B — and the whole army, which what might happen; and the remembrance happened to be sent abroad that summer. of what I had undergone by his inconstancy, Before my departure, I likewise transmitted filled my imagination with such horror, that to Lord B the dressing plate, china, and I could not endure the shocking prospect; a very considerable settlement, of which he and prematurely plunged myself into the had been generous enough to make: me a danger, rather than endure the terrors of present. This was an instance of my inexpectation. I remembered that his former tegrity, which I thought due to a man who attachment began in the season of my pros- had laid me under great obligations; and perity, when my fortune was in the zenith, though I lived to be refused a small sum, and my youth in its prime; and that he had both by him and S, I do not repent of forsaken me in the day of trouble, when my my disinterested behaviour; all the revenge life became embarrassed, and my circum- I harbour against the last of these lovers, is stances were on the decline: I foresaw the desire of having it in my power to do nothing but continual persecution from my him good. husband, and feared that, once the keener I now found myself adrift in the world transports of our reconciliation should be again, and very richly deserved the hardships over, his affection would sink under the of my condition, for my indiscretion in leav. severity of its trial. In consequence of this ing Lord B —, and in trusting to the word desertion, I received a letter from him, of Lord -, without some further seacknowledging that he was rightly served, curity;- but I have dearly paid for my impru. but that my retreat gave him inexpressible dence. The more I saw into the character concern. of this man, whom destiny hath appointed Meanwhile Lord - continued to act my scourge, the more was I determined to in the character of a fiend, tormenting me avoid his fellowship and communication; for with his nauseous importunity: he prevailed he and I are, in point of disposition, as opupon the duke of L- to employ his in- posite as any two principles in nature. In fluence in persuading me to live with him; the first place, he is one of the most unsocial assuring his grace that I had actually pro- beings that ever existed: when I was pleasmised to give him that proof of my obedience, ed and happy, he was always out of temper; and that I would come home the sooner for but if he could find means to overcast and being pressed to compliaince by a person of cloud my mirth, though never so innocent, his rank and character. Induced by these he then discovered signs of uncommon satis representations, the duke honoured me with faction and content, because, by this dis a visit; and, in the course of his exhortations, agreeable temper, he banished all company I understood how he had been thus mis- from his house. He is extremely weak of 240 SMOLLETT'S SELECT WORKS. understanding, though he possesses a good fellow a trifling, teasing, insufferable, inshare of low cunning, which has so egre- consistent creature. giously imposed upon some people, that they With the little money which remained of have actually believed him a good natured what I had received from his lordship for easy creature, and blamed me because I did housekeeping, I transported myself to Flannot manage him to better purpose; but, upon ders, and arrived in Ghent, a few days after further acquaintance, they have always found our troops were quartered in that city, which him obstinate as a mule, and capricious as a was so much crowded with these new visitmonkey. Not that he is utterly void of all ants, that I should have found it impracticable commendable qualities: he is punctual in to procure a lodging, had I not been accompaying his debts, liberal when in good hu- modated by Lord R- B-, the dluke of mour, and would be well bred, were he not A —'s youngest brother, who very politely subject to fits of absence, during which he is gave me up his own. Here I saw my fiiend altogether unconversable; but he is proud, Mr B —, who was overjoyed at my arrival, naturally suspicious, jealous, equally with though jealous of every man of his acquaintand without cause, never made a friend, and ance; for he loved me with all the ardour is an utter stranger to the joys of intimacy; of passion, and I regarded him with all the in short, he hangs like a damp upon society, perfection of friendship, which, had he lived, and may be properly called Kill-joy, an in time might have produced love; though epithet which he has justly acquired. He that was a fruit which it never brought forth. honours me with constant professions of Notwithstanding his earnest solicitations to love; but his conduct is so opposite to my the contrary, I staid but a week in Ghent, sentiments of that passion, as to have been from whence I proceeded to Brussels, and the prime source of all my misfortunes and fixed my abode in the Hotel de Flandre, affliction; and I have often wished myself among an agreeable set of gentlemen and the object of his hate, in hopes of profiting ladies, with whom I spent my time very by a change in his behaviour. cheerfully. There was a sort of court in Indeed he has not been able to make me this city, frequented by all the officers who more unhappy than I believe he is in his could obtain permission to go thither; and own mind; for he is literally a self-tormentor, the place in general was gay and agreeable. who never enjoyed one gleam of satisfaction, I was introduced to the best families, and except at the expense of another's quiet; very happy in my acquaintance; for the and yet with this (I had almost called it ladies were polite, good-tempered, and obligdiabolical) quality, he expects that I should ing, and treated me with the utmost hoscherish him with all the tenderness of af- pitality and respect. Among others, I confection. After he has been at pains to incur tracted a friendship with Madame la Commy aversion, he punishes my disgust, by con- tesse de C — and her two daughters, who triving schemes to mortify and perplex me, were very amiable young ladies; and became which have often succeeded so effectually, intimate with the Princess C —, and as to endanger my life and constitution; for Countess W -, lady of the bed-chamber I have been fretted and frighted into sundry to the queen of Hungary, and a great fafits of illness, and then I own I have experi- vourite of the governor, Monsieur de H —, enced his care and concern. in whose house she lived with his wife, who Over and above the oddities I have men- was also a lady of a very engaging distioned, he is so unsteady in his economy, position. that he is always new-modelling his affairs, Soon after I had fixed my habitation in and exhausting his fortune, by laying out ten Brussels, the company at our hotel was inpounds, in order to save a shilling. He in- creased by three officers, who professed quires into the character of a servant, after themselves my admirers, and came from he has lived two years in his family, and is Ghent with a view of soliciting my love. so ridiculously stocked with vanity and self- This triumvirate consisted of the Scotch earl conceit, that, notwithstanding my assurance of., Lord R- M —, and another before, and the whole series of my conduct young officer; the first was a man of a very since our marriage, which ought to have genteel figure and amorous complexion, convinced him of my dislike, he is still per- danced well, and had a great deal of good suaded, that, at bottom, I must admire and humour, with a mixture of vanity and selfbe enamoured of his agreeable person and conceit: the second had a good face, though accomplishments, and that I would not fail a clumsy person, and a very sweet dispoto manifest my love, were I not spirited up sition, very much adapted for the sentimental against him by his own relations. Perhaps passion of love: and the third, (Mr Wit might be their interest to foment the mis- by name) was tall, thin, and well-bred, with understanding betwixt us; but really they a great stock of good nature and vivacity. give themselves no trouble about our affairs; These adventurers began their addresses in and, so far as I know them, are a very good general acts of gallantry, that comprehended sort of people. On the whole, I think I may several of my female friends, with whom we with justice pronounce my precious yoke- used to engage in parties of pleasure, both in ADVENTURES OF PEREGRINE PICKLE. 241 the city and the environs, which are ex- not at all displeased at the progress I had tremely agreeable. When they thought they made in his inclinations. Meanwhile he culhad taken the preliminary steps of securing tivated my acquaintance with great assiduity themselves in my good opinion and esteem, and respect, attended me in all my excurthey agreed to go on without further delay, sions, and particularly in an expedition to and that Lord - should make the first Antwerp, with two other gentlemen, where, attack upon my heart. in downright gaietd de coeur, we sat for our He accordingly laid siege to me, with such pictures, which were drawn in one piece, warmth and assiduity, that I believe he de- one of the party being represented in the ceived himself, and began to think he was dress of an hussar, and another in that of a actually in love; though, at bottom, he felt running footman. This incident I mention, no impulse that deserved the sacred name. because the performance, which is now in Though I discouraged him in the beginning, my possession, gave birth to a thousand he persecuted me with his addresses; he al- groundless reports circulated in England at ways sat by me at dinner, and imparted a our expense. thousand trifles in continual whispers, which It was immediately after this jaunt that attracted the notice of the company so much, Lord R- began to disclose his passion; that I began to fear his behaviour would give though he at the same time started such obhrise to some report to my prejudice, and there- jections as seemed well nigh to extinguish fore avoided him with the utmost caution. his hopes, lamenting, that, even if he should Notwithstanding all my care, however, he have the happiness to engage my affections, found means one night, while my maid, who his fortune was too inconsiderable to support lay in my room, went down stairs, to get into us against the efforts of Lord -, should my chamber after I was a-bed: upon which he attempt to interrupt our felicity: and that I started up, and told him, that, if he should he himself was obliged to follow the motions approach me, I would alarm the house; for of the army. In short, he seemed to conI never wanted courage and resolution. Per- sider my felicity more than his own, and beceiving my displeasure, he kneeled by the haved with such delicacy, as gradually made Ded-side, begged I would have pity on his suf- an impression on my heart; so that. when ferings, and swore I should have a carte we parted, we agreed to renew our corresblanche to the utmost extent of his fortune. pondence in England. To these proposals I made no other reply, In the midst of these agreeable amusements, but that of protesting I would never speak to which I enjoyed in almost all the different him again, if he did not quit my apartment towns in Flanders, I happened to be at Ghent that moment; upon which he thought proper one day, sitting among a good deal of comto withdraw; and I never afterwards gave pany, in one of their hotels, when a posthim an opportunity of speaking to me on the chaise stopped at the gate, upon which we same subject: so that, in a few weeks, he went to the windows to satisfy our curiosity, separated himself from our society; though when who should step out of the convenience the ladies of Brussels considered him as my but my little insignificant lord. I no sooner lover, because, of all the other officers, he announced him to the company, than all the was their greatest favourite. gentlemen asked whether they should stay His lordshipbeing thus repulsed, MrW - and protect me, or withdraw; and when I took the field, and assailed my heart in a assured them that their protection was not very different manner. He said he knew necessary, one and all of them retired; though not how to make love, but was a man of Lord R- M- went no farther than the honour, would keep the secret, and so forth. parlour below, being determined to screen To this cavalier address, I answered, that I me against all violence and compulsion. I was not angry, as otherwise I should have sent a message to my lord, desiring him to been, at his blunt declaration, because I found, walk up into my apartment; but although his by his own confession, he did not know what sole errand was to see and carry moe off, he was due to the sex; and my unhappy situ- would not venture to accept of my invitation, ation in some shape excused him for a liberty till he had demanded me in form from the which he would not have dreamed of taking, governor of the place. had not my misfortunes encouraged his pre- Thatgentleman, being altogether a strangex sumption. But I would deal with him in his to his person and character, referred him to own way; and, far from assuming the prude, the commanding officer of the English troops, frankly assured him, that he was not at all who was a man of honour, and, upon his to my taste, hoping he would consider my lordship's application, pretended to doubt his dislike as a sufficient reason to reject his love. identity; observing, that he had always heard Lord R- began to feel the symptoms Lord - represented as a jolly corpulent of a genuine passion, which he carefully man. He gave him to understand, however, cherished in silence, being naturally diffident that even granting him to be the person, I and bashful; but, by the very means he used was by no means subject to military law, unto conceal it from my observation, I plainly less he could prove that I had ever enlisted discerned the situation of his heart, and was into his majesty's service. 2 F 242 SMOLLETT'S SELECT WORKS. Thus disappointed in his endeavours, he comply with my husband's desire, and for the returned to the inn, and, with much per- future keep measures with the world. This suasion, trusted himself in my dining-room, remonstrance about living with my lord,which after having stationed his attendant at the he constantly repeated, was the only instance door, in case of accidents. When I asked of his unkindness which I ever felt. But all what had procured me the honour of this his admonitions were not of force sufficient visit, he told me, his business and intention to shalie my resolution in that particular; were to carry me home. This declaration though the debate continued so late, that I produced a conference, in which I argued the told his lordship it was high time to retire, case with him; and matters were accom- for I could not accommodate him with a bed. modated for the present, by my promising to He then gave me to understand, that he would be in England some time in September, on stay where he was; upon which my father condition that he would permit me to live by took his leave, on pretence of looking out for myself, as before, and immediately order the a lodging for himself. arrears of my pin-money to be paid. He The little gentleman being now left te'teassented to every thing I proposed, returned d-tite with me, began to discover some signs in peace to his own country, and the deficien- of apprehension in his looks; but, mustering cies of my allowance were made good; while up all his resolution, he went to the door, I returned to Brussels, where I staid until called up three of his servants, whom he my departure for England, which I regulated placed as sentinels upon the stair, and flounced in such a manner as was consistent with my into my elbow-chair, where he resigned himengagement. self to rest. Intending to go to bed, I thought I took lodgings in Pall-Mall, and, sending it was but just and decent that I should screen for my lord, convinced him of my punctuality, myself from the intrusion of his footmen, and and put him in mind of his promise; when, with that view bolted the door. Lordto my utter astonishment and confusion, he hearing himself locked in, started up in the owned, that his promise was no more than a utmost terror and consternation, kicked the decoy to bring me over, and that I must lay door with his heel, and screamed aloud, as if my account with living in his house like a he had been in the hands of an assassin. dutiful and obedient wife. I heard him with My father, who had not yet quitted the house, the indignation such treatment deserved, up- hearing these outcries, ran up stairs again, braiding him with his perfidious dealing, which and, coming through my bed-chamber into I told him would have determined me against the dining-room, where we were, found me cohabitation with him had I not been already almost suffocated with laughter, and his heresolved: and, being destitute of all resource, roic son-in-law staring like one who had lost repaired to Bath, where I afterwards met his wits, with his hair standing on end. with Mr D- and Mr R-, two gen- When my father asked the ineaning of tlemen who had been my fellow-passengers his exclamations, he told him, with all the in the yacht from Flanders, and treated me symptoms of dismay, that I had locked him with great friendship and politeness, without in, and he did not understand such usaoge either talking or thinking of love. but I explained the whole mystery, by saying, With these gentlemen, who were. as idle I had bolted the door, because I did not like as myself, I went to the jubilee at Preston, the company of his servants, and could not which was no other than a great number of imagine the cause of his panic, unless he people assembled in a small town, extremely thought I designed to ravish him: an insult ill accommodated, to partake of diversions than which nothing was farther fiom my inthat were bad imitations of plays, concerts, tention. My father himself could scarce reand masquerades. If the world should place frain from laughing at his ridiculous fear; to the account of my indiscretion my travel- but, seeing him in great confusion, took pity ling in this manner with gentlemen to whom on his condition, and carried him off to his I had no particular attachment, let it also be own lodgings, after I had given my word that considered, as an alleviation, that I always I would not attempt to escape, but give him lived in terror of my lord, and consequently audience next morning. I accordingly kept was often obliged to shift my quarters; so my promise, and found means to persuade that, my finances being extremely slender, them to leave me at my own discretion. I stood the more in need of assistance and Next day I was rallied upon the stratagem I protection.. I was, besides, young, incon- had contrived to frighten Lord *-; and a siderate, and so simple, as to suppose the thousand idle stories were told about this figure of an ugly man would always secure adventure, which happened literally as I have Ine from censure on his account: neither did related it. I ever dream of any man's addresses, until From Bath I betook myself to a small he made an actual declaration of his love. house near Lincoln, which I had hired of the Upon my return to Bath, I was again D — of A-, because a country life suitharassed by Lord -, who came thither, ed best with my income, which was no more accompanied by my father, whoin I was very than four hundred pounds a-year, and that glad to see, though he importuned me to not well paid. I continued some months in ADVENTURES OF PEREGRINE PICKLE. 243 this retirement, and saw no company, except coach that chanced to pass through the Lord R- M —, who lived in the neigh- street. H -, who was consummate in bourhood, and visited me twice; till, finding the arts of a sycophant, began to court my myself indisposed, I was obliged to remove favour, by condoling my affliction, and asto London, and took lodgings in Maddox- suring me, that the only method by which I street, where my garrison was taken by storm could regain my liberty, was a cheerful comby my lord and his steward, reinforced by pliance with the humour of my lord. I was Mr L — V- (who, as my lord told me, fully convinced of the truth of this obserhad a subsidy of five and twenty pounds be- vation; and, though my temper is altogether fore he would take the field), and a couple of averse to dissimulation, attempted to affect hardy footmen. This formidable band rushed an air of serenity and resignation. But this into* my apartment, laid violent hands upon disguise, I found, would not answer my purme, dragged me down stairs without gloves pose; and therefore I had recourse to the or a cloak, and, thrusting me into a coach assistance of my maid, who was permitted to that stood at the door, conveyed me to my attend me in my confinement. With her I lord's lodgings in Gloucester-street. frequently consulted about the means of acUpon this occasion his lordship courage- complishing my escape. In consequence of ously drew his sword upon my woman, who our deliberations, she directed a coach and attempted to defend me from his insults, six to be ready at a certain part of the town, and, in all probability, would have intimidated and to wait for me three days in the same him from proceeding; for he looked pale and place, in case I could not come before the aghast, his knees knocked together, and he expiration of that term. breathed thick and hard, with his nostrils di- This previous measure being taken aclated, as if he had seen a ghost; but-he was cording to my instructions, the next necesencouraged by his mercenary associate, who, sary step was to elude the vigilance of my for the five-and-twenty pounds, stood by him guard; and in this manner did I effectuate in the day of trouble, and spirited him on to my purpose. Being by this time indulged in this gallant enterprise. the liberty of going out in the coach, for the In consequence of this exploit, I was coop- benefit of the air, attended by two footmen, ed up in a paltry apartment in Gloucester- who had orders to watch all my motions, street, where I was close beset by his lord- I made use of this privilege one forenoon, ship, and his worthy steward Mr H, when Lord - expected some company with a set of servants that were the crea- to dinner, and bade the coachman drive to tures of this fellow, of whom Lord.- the lodgings of a man who wrote with his himself stood in awe; so that I could not mouth, intending to give my spies the slip, help thinking myself in Newgate, among on pretence of seeing this curiosity; but thieves and ruffans. To-such a degree did they were too alert in their duty to be thus mny terror prevail, that I actually believed outwitted, and followed me up stairs into the I was in danger of being poisoned, and would very apartment. not receive any sustenance except from the Disappointed in this hope, I revolved anohands of one harmless looking fellow, a fo- ther scheme, which was attended with sucreigner, who was my lord's valet de chambre. cess; I bought some olives at an oil-shop; I will not pretend to say my fears were just: and, telling the servants I would proceed to but such was my opinion of H-, that St James's gate, and take a turn in the park, I never doubted he would put me out of the broke one of the bottles by the way, comway, if he thought my life interfered with his plained of the misfortune when I was set interest. down, and desired that my coach might be On the second day of my imprisonment, cleaned before my return. While my atr was visited by the duke of L -, a friend tendants were employed in' this office, I tripof my lord, who found me sitting upon a ped across the parade to the Horse-guards, trunk, in a poor little dining-room filled with and chanced to meet with an acquaintance lumber, and lighted with too bits of tallow in the park, who said, he saw by my countecandle, which had been left over-night. He nance that I was upon some expedition. I perceived in my countenance a mixture of owned his suspicion was just; but, as I had rage, indignation, terror, and despair; he not time to relate particulars, I: quickened compassionated my sufferings, though he my pace, and took possession of an hackneycould not alleviate my distress, any other coach, in which I proceeded to the vehicle way than by interceding with my tyrant to which I had appointed to be in waiting. mitigate my oppression. Nevertheless, I re- While I thus compassed my escape, there mained eleven days in this uncomfortable was nothing but perplexity and confusion at situation; I was watched like a criminal all home; dinner was delayed till six o'clock; day, and one of the servants walked from my lord ran half the town over in quest of one room to another all night, in the nature his equipage, which at last returned, with an of a patrole: while my lord, who lay in the account of my elopement. My maid was chamber above me, got out of bed, and trip- brought to the question, and grievously threatped to the window, at the sound of every ened; but (like all the women I ever had) 21 244 SMOLLETT'S SELECT WORKS. remained unshaken in her fidelity. In the tracted an intimacy with the princess of mean time, I travelled night and day towards Chemay, who was a great favourite with my retreat in Lincolnshire, of which his lord- Madam d'Harrach, the governor's lady. ship had not as yet got the least intelligence; I had not been long in this happy situation, and as my coachman was but an inexperi- when I was disturbed by the arrival of cnced driver, I was obliged to make use of Lord —, who demanded me of the govermy own skill in that exercise, and direct his nor; but finding me sheltered from his power, endeavours, the whole way, without ventur- he set out for Vienna; and, in consequence ing to go to bed, or take the least repose, of his representations, strengthened with the until I reached my own habitation. There I duke of N —'s name, my protection was lived in peace and tranquillity for the space withdrawn. But, before this application, he of six weeks, when I was alarmed by one of had gone to the camp, and addressed himmy lord's myrmidons, who came into the self to Lord Stair, who was my particular neighbourhood, blustering and swearing that friend and ally by my first marriage, desiring he would carry me off either dead or alive. he would compel me to return to his house. It is not to be supposed that I was perfect- His lordship told him, that I was in no shape ly easy when I was made acquainted with subject to his command; but invited him to his purpose and declaration, as my whole dinner, with a view of diverting himself and family consisted of no more than a couple of company at the expence of his guest. In women and one footman. I-However, I sum- the evening, he was plied with so many moned up my courage, which had been often bumpers to my health, that he became intried, and never forsook me in the day of toxicated, and extremely obstreperous, indanger; and sent him word, that, if ever he sisted upon seeing Lord Stair after he was should presume to approach my house, I retired to rest, and quarrelled with Lord D-, would order him to be shot without cere- who being a tall, large, rawboned Scotchman, mony. The fellow did not choose to put me could have swallowed him at one mouthto the trial, and returned to town without his ful; but he thought he might venture to chalerrand. But as the place of my abode was lenge him, in hopes of being put under arrest now discovered, I laid my account with hav- by the general: though he reckoned without ing a visit from his employer: I therefore his host; Lord Stair knew his disposition, planted spies upon the road, with a promise and, in order to punish his presumption, of reward to him who should bring me the winked at the affair. The challenger, findfirst intelligence of his lordship's approach. ing himself mistaken in his conjecture, got Accordingly, I was one morning apprised up early in the morning, and went off post of his coming, and, mounting horse imme- for Vienna: and Lord Stair desired a certain diately, with my woman and valet, away we man of quality to make me a visit, and give rode, in defiance of winter. In two days I me an account of his behaviour. traversed the wilds of Lincolnshire and Being now deprived of my protection and hundreds of Esseg, crossed the river at Til- pin-money,which my generous husband would bury, breakfasted at Chatham, by the help of no longer pay, I was reduced to great dlffia guide and moonlight arrived at Dover the culty and distress. The duchess d'Aremberg, same evening, embarked for Calais, in which Lord G-, and many other persons of dis-, place I found myself next day at two o'clock tinction, interceded in my behalf with his in -the afternoon; and, being heartily tired majesty, who was then abroad; but he refused with my journey, betook myself to rest. to interpose between man and wife. The My maid, who was not able to travel with Countess of Calemberg wrote a letter to my such expedition, followed me at an easier father, in which she represented my uncompace; and the footman was so astonished at fortable situation, and undertook to answer my perseverance, that he could not help ask- for my conduct, in case he would allow me a ing me upon the road, if ever I was weary in small annuity, on which I could live indemy life? Certain it is, my spirits and re- pendent of Lord -, who, by all accounts, solution have enabled me to undergo fatigues was a wretch with whom I could never enjoy that are almost incredible. From Calais I the least happiness or quiet, otherwise she went to Brussels, where I again set up my would be the first to advise me to an accomrest in private lodgings; was again perfectly modation. She gave himn to understand, that well received by the fashionable people of her character was neither doubtful nor obthat place; and, by the interest of my friends, scure; and that, if my conduct there had not obtained the queen of Hungary's protection been irreproachable, she should not have against the persecution of my husband, while taken me under her protection; that, as 1 I should reside in the Austrian Netherlands. proposed to board in a convent, a small sum Thus secured, I lived uncensured, con- would answer my occasions; but, if that versing with the English company, with should be denied, I would actually go to serwhich this city was crowded; but spent the vice, or take some other desperate step, to most agreeable part of my time with the avoid the man who was my bane and aversion. Countess of Calemberg, in whose house I To this kind remonstrance my father generally dined and supped; and I also con- answered, that his fortune would not allow ADVENTURES OF PEREGRINE PICKLE. 245F nim to assist me; he had now a young family; little was all I would take), and returned to and that I ought, at all events, to return to his own city, after we had settled a corresmy husband. By this time, such was the pondence by letters. I was detained a day extremity of my circumstances, that I was or two in this place by my indisposition forced to pawn my clothes, and every trifling which increased; but, nevertheless, proceedtrinket in my possession, and even to desce~ ed to Paris, to make interest for a protection so far as to solicit Mr S- for a loan from the king of France, which that monarch fifty pounds, which he refused. graciously accorded me in three days after Thus was I deserted in my distress by two my first application; and his minister sent persons, to whom, in the season of my afflu- orders to all the governors and intendants of ence, my purse had been always open. the province towns, to protect me against Nothing so effectually subdues a spirit un- the efforts of Lord.-, in whatever place I used to supplicate, as want: repulsed in this should choose to reside. manner, I had recourse to Lord B-, who Having returned my thanks at Versailles was also (it seems) unable to relieve my ne- for this favour, and tarried a few days at Pacessities. This mortification I deserved at ris, which was a place altogether unsuitable his hands, though he had once put it in my to the low ebb of my fortune, I repaired to power to be above all such paltry appli- Lisle, where I intended to fix my habitation; cations; and I should not have been com- and there my disorder recurred with such pelled to the disagreeable task of troubling violence, that I was obliged to send for a my friends, had not I voluntarily resigned physician, who seemed to have been a diswhat he formerly gave me. As to the other ciple of Sandrago; for he scarce left a drop gentleman to whom I addressed myself on of blood in my body, and yet I found myself this occasion, I think he might have shown never a whit the better. Indeed, I was so more regard to my situation, not only for the much exhausted by these evacuations, and reasons already mentioned, but because he my constitution so much impaired by fatigue knew me too well to be ignorant of what I and perturbation of mind, that I had no other must have suffered in condescending to make hope of recovering but that of reaching Engsuch a request. land, and putting myself under the direction Several officers, who guessed my adversity, of a physician on whose ability I could degenerously offered to supply me with money; pend. but I could not bring myself to make use of With this doubtful prospect, therefore, I their friendship, or even to own my distress, determined to attempt a return to my native except to one person, of whom I borrowed air, and actually departed from Lisle, in such a small sum. To crown my misfortunes, I a melancholy enfeebled condition, that I had was taken very ill, at a time when there was almost fainted when I was put into the coach no other way of avoiding the clutches of my But before I resolved upon this journey, I persecutor but by a precipitate flight. In was reduced to the utmost exigence of forthis emergency, I applied to a worthy gentle- tune, so that I could scarce afford to buy man at Brussels, a very good friend of mine, provisions, had it been in my power to eat, but no lover. I say no lover, because every and should not have been able to defray my man is supposed to act in that capacity who travelling expences, had I not been generousbefriends a young woman in distress. This ly befriended by Lord R- M —, who (I am generous Fleming set out with me in the sure) would have done any thing for my ease night from Brussels, and conducted me to and accommodation, though he has unjustly the frontiers of France. Being very much incurred the imputation of being parsimoniindisposed both in mind and body when I ous, and I had no reason to expect any such was obliged to undertake this expedition, I favour at his hands. should in all probability have sunk under the In this deplorable state of health I was fatigue of travelling, had not my spirits been conveyed to Calais, being all the way (as it kept up by the conversation of my com- were) in the arms of death, without having panion, who was a man of business and con- swallowed the least sustenance on the road. sequence, and undertook to manage my af- So much was my indisposition augmented by fairs in such a manner as would enable me to the fatigue of the journey, that I swooned re-establish my residence in the place I had when I was brought into the inn, and had alleft. He was young and active, attended me most expired before I could receive the least with the utmost care and assiduity, and left assistance or advice; however, my spirits nothing undone which he thought would con- were a little revived by some bread and wine, tribute to my ease and satisfaction. I believe which I took at the persuasion of a French his friendship for me was a little tinctured surgeon, who, chancing to pass by the door, with another passion; but he was married, was called up to my relief. Having sent my and lived very well with his wife, who was servant to Brussels, to take care of my also my friend; so that he knew I would clothes, I embarked in the packet-boat, and never think of him in the light of a lover. by the time we arrived at Dover was almost Upon our arrival at Valenciennes, he ac- in extremity. commodated me with a little money (for a Here I found a return coach, in which I 246 SMOLLETT'S SELECT WORKS. was carried to London, and was put to bed me to understand, that my suit would imat the house we put up at, more dead than mediately come to trial; and, though he alive. The people of the inn sent for an hoped the best, the issue was uncertain; that apothecary, who administered some cordial if it should be given against me, the decision that recalled me to life; and, when I re- would inspire my lord with fresh spirits to covered the use of speech, I told him who I disturb my peace; and therefore it would be was, and desired him to wait upon Dr S —, -nvenient for me to retire, until the alaili and inform him of my situation. A young ould be brought to a determination. girl, who was niece to the landlord's wife, I was very much disconcerted at this in seeing me unattended, made a tender of her telligence; and the gentleman who staid perservice to me, and I accepted the offer, as ceiving my concern, asked what I intended well as of a lodging in the apothecary's to do, or if he could serve me in any shape, house, to which I was conveyed as soon as and desired to know whither I proposed to my strength would admit of my removal. retreat! I affected to laugh, and answered, There I was visited by my physician, who "To a garret, I believe." To this overwas shocked to find me in such a dangerous strained raillery, he replied, that, if I should, condition; however, having considered my his friendship and regard would find the way case, he perceived that my illdisposition pro- to my apartment; and I had no reason to ceeded from the calamities I had undergone, doubt the sincerity of his declaration. We and encouraged me with the hope of a consulted about the measures I should take; speedy cure, provided I could be kept easy and I determined to remove into the country, and undisturbed. where I was soon favoured with a letter from Iwas accordingly attended with all imagin- him, wherein he expressed the infinite pleaable care; my lord's name being never sure he had in being able to assure me that mentioned in my hearing, because I con- my suit had been successful, and that I might sidered him as the fatal source of all my mis- appear again with great safety. fortunes; and in a month I recovered my Accordingly I returned to town in his health, by the great skill and tenderness of coach and six, which he had sent for my conmy doctor, who now finding me strong venience, and the same evening went with enough to encounter fresh troubles, endea- him to the masquerade, where we passed the voured to persuade me, that it would be my night very agreeably, his spirits as well as wisest step to return to my husband, whom mine being elevated to a joyous pitch by the at that time he had often occasion to see. happy event of my process. This gentleman But I rejected his proposal, commenced a was a person of great honour, worth, anti new. law-suit for separation, and took a small good nature; he loved me extremely, but did house in St James's-square. not care that I should know the extent of his About this time my woman returned from passion: on the contrary, he endeavoured to Brussels, but without my clothes, which were persuade me, he had laid it down as a maxim, detained on account of the money I owed in that no woman should ever have power that place; and, asking her dismission from enough over his heart to give him the least my service, set up shop for herself. I had pain or disquiet. In short, he had made a not lived many weeks in my new habitation, progress in my affection, and to his generosity when my persecutor renewed his attempts to was I indebted for my subsistence two whole make himself master of my person, but I years; during which he was continually prohad learned from experience to redouble my fessing this philosophic indifference, while, vigilance, and he was frustrated in all his at the same time, he was giving me daily asendeavours. I was again happy in the con- surances of his friendship and esteem, and versation of my former acquaintance, and treating me with incessant marks of the most visited by a great number of gentlemen, passionate love: so that I concluded his inmostly persons of probity and sense, who tention was cold, though his temper was cultivated my friendship without any other warm. Considering myself as an incumbrance motive of attachment. Not that I was un- upon his fortune, I redoubled my endeavours solicited on the article of love: that was a to obtain a separate maintenance from my theme on which I never wanted orators; and lord, and removed from St James's-square to could I have prevailed upon myself to profit lodgings at Kensington, where I had not by the advances that were made, I might long enjoyed myself in tranquillity, before it have managed my opportunities so as to was interrupted by a very unexpected visit. have set fortune at defiance for the future. While I was busy one day dressing in my But I was none of those economists, who dining-room, I found his lordship at my elbow can sacrifice their hearts to interested con- before I was aware of his approach, although siderations. his coach was at the door, and the house alOne evening, while I was conversing with ready in the possession of his servants. He three or four of my friends, my lawyer came accosted me in the usual style, as if we ha,' in, and told me he had something of con- parted the night before; and I answered him sequence to impart; upon which all the gen- with an appearance of the same careless,lemen but one went away. Then he gave familiarity, desiring him to sit down, while J ADVENTURES OF PEREGRINE PICKLE. 247 retreated to my chamber, locked the door, being informed of my escape by my woman, and fairly went to bed, being perhaps the first whom I had left in the house, his lordship woman who went thither for protection from discovered some signs of discontent, and inthe insults of a man. Here then I immured sisted upon seeing my papers; upon which myself with my faithful Abigail. My lord my maid produced a parcel of bills which I finding me secured, knocked at the door, and owed to different people. Notwithstanding through the key-hole begged to be admitted, this disappointment, he sat down to what assuring me that all he wanted was a con- was provided for dinner, and with great deference. I desired to be excused, though I liberation ate up a leg of lamb, the best part believed his assurance; but I had no incli- of a fowl, and something else, which I do nation to converse with him, because I knew not now remember; and then very peaceably from experience the nature of his conver- went away, giving my maid an opportunity sation, which was so disagreeable and tor- of following me to the place of my retreat. menting, that I would have exchanged it at My intention was to have sought refuge, any time for a good beating, and thought my- as formerly, in another country; but I was self a gainer by the bargain. However, he prevented from putting my design in exepersisted in his importunities to such a de- cution by a fit of illness, during which I was gree, that I assented to his proposal, on con- visited by my physician and some of my own dition that the duke of L- should be relations, particularly a distant cousin of present at the interview; and he immediate- mine, whom my lord had engaged in his inly sent a message to his grace, while I in terests, by promising to recompence her ampeace ate my breakfast, conveyed in a basket, ply, if she could persuade me to comply with which was hoisted up to the window of my his desire. In this office she was assisted bed-chamber. by the doctor, who was my friend, and a man The duke was so kind as to come at my of sense, for whom I have the most perfect lord's request, and, before I would open the esteem, though he and I have often differed door, gave me his word, that I should be pro- in point of opinion. In a word, I was extected from all violence and compulsion. posed to the incessant importunities of all Thus assured, they were permitted to enter. my acquaintance, which, added to the desMy little gentleman, sitting down by my bed- perate circumstances of lny fortune, comside, began to repeat the old hacknied ar- pelled me to embrace the terms that were guments he had formerly used, with the view offered, and I again returned to the domestic of inducing me to live with him; and I, on duties of a wife. my side, repeated my former objections, or I was conducted to my lord's house by an pretended to listen to his representations, old friend of mine, a gentleman turned of while my imagination was employed in con- fifty, of admirable parts and understanding; triving the means of effecting an escape, he was a pleasing companion, cheerful and as the duke easily perceived by my coun- humane, and had acquired a great share of tenance. my esteem and respect. In a word, his adFinding all his remonstrances ineffectual, vice had great weight in my deliberations, he quitted the chamber, and left his cause to because it seemed to be the result of exthe eloquence of his grace, who sat with me perience and disinterested friendship. Witha whole half-hour, without exerting himself out all doubt, he had an unfeigned concern much in behalf of his client, because he for my welfare; but, being an admirable poknew I was altogether obstinate and de- litician, his scheme was to make my interest termined on that:score; hut joked upon the coincide with his own inclinations; for I had behaviourof his lordship, who (though jealous unwittingly made an innovation upon his of most people) had left him alone with me heart; and as he thought I should hardly in my bed-chamber, observing, that he must favour his passion while I was at liberty to either have great confidence in his virtue, or converse with the rest of my admirers, he.a very bad opinion of him otherwise. In counselled me to surrender that freedom, short, I found means to defer the categorical well knowing that my lord would be easily answer till next day, and invited the duke persuaded to banish all his rivals from the and his lordship to dine with me to-morrow. house; in which case, he did' not doubt of My wise yoke-fellow seemed to doubt the his being able to insinuate himself into my sincerity of this invitation, and was very affections; because he laid' it down as an much disposed to keep possession of my eternal'truth, that, if any two persons of difhouse: but, by the persuasions of his grace, ferent sexes were'obliged to live together'in and the advice of H-n, who was his chief a desert, where they would be excluded from counsellor and back, he was prevailed upon all other human intercourse, they would to take my word, and for the present left me. naturally and inevitably contract an incli. They were no sooner retired, than I rose nation for each other. with great expedition, packed up my clothes, How just this hypothesis might be, I leave and took shelter in Essex for the first time. to the determination of the curious; though, Next day my lord and his noble friend came if I may be allowed to judge from nmy own to dinner, according to appointment; and, disposition, a couple so situated would be apt 21' 248 SMOLLETT'S SELECT WORKS. to imbibe mutual disgusts, from the nature was not equal to the fortitude of my mind and necessity of their union, unless their as- I was talken ill, the servants were obliged sociation was at first the effect of reciprocal to be called up, while my lord himself, affection and esteem. Be this as it will, I terrified at my situation, ran up stairs to Mrs honour the gentleman for his plan, which was S —, who was in bed, told her, with eviingeniously contrived, and artfully conduct- dent perturbation of spirits, that I was very ed; but I happened to have too much address much indisposed, and said, he believed I war for him in the sequel, cunning as he was, frightened by his entering my chamber with though at first I did not perceive his drift; his sword in hand. and his lordship was much less likely to This lady was so startled at his infor comprehend his meaning. mation, that she ran into my apartment half. Immediately after this new accommo- naked, and as she went down stairs, asked dation, I was carried to a country house be- what reason could induce him to have car longing to my lord, and was simple enough ried his sword with him; upon which he to venture myself (unattended by any servant gave her to understand, that his intention on whose integrity I. could depend) in the was to kill the bats. I believe and hope he hands of his lordship and I —, whose vil- had no other design than that of intimidating lany I always dreaded; though at this time me; but when the affair happened, I was of my apprehensions were considerably in- a different opinion. Mrs S -, having put creased, by recollecting, that it was not his on her clothes, sat up all night by my bedinterest to let me live in the house, lest his side, and was so good as to assure me, that conduct should be inquired into; and by re- she would not leave me, until I should be membering that the very house to which we safely delivered from the apprehensions that were going had been twice burnt down in a surrounded me in this house, to which she very short space of time, not without sus- and the doctor had been the principal cause picion of his having been the incendiary, on of my coming; for my lord had haunted and account of some box of writings which was importuned them incessantly on this subject, lost in the conflagration. True it is, this protesting that he loved me with the most imputation was never made good; and per- inviolable affection, and all he desired was, haps he was altogether innocent of the that I would sit at his table, manage his charge, which nevertheless affected my spirits family, and share his fortune. By these in such a manner, as rendered me the most professions, uttered with an air of honesty miserable of all mortals. In this terror did and good nature, he had imposed himself [ remain, till my consternation was weaken- upon them for the best tempered creature ed by the arrival of Mr Bal-, a good natur- upon earth; and they used all their influence ed worthy man, whom my lord had invited to with me to take him into favour. This hath his house, and I thought would not see me ill been the case with a great many people, who used. In a few weeks we were joined by Dr had but a superficial knowledge of his disS — and his lady, who visited us according position; but, in the course of their acquaintto their promise; and it was resolved that ance, they have never failed to discern and we should set out for Tunbridge, on a party acknowledge their mistake. of pleasure, and at our return examine H-'s The doctor, on his return from Tunbridge, accounts. to which place he had made a trip by himThis last part of our scheme was not at self, found me ill a-bed, and the whole family all relished by our worthy steward, who in confusion; surprised and concerned at therefore determined to overturn our whole this disorder, he entered into expostulation plan and succeeded accordingly. My lord with my lord, who owned, that the cause of all of a sudden declared himself against the his displeasure and disquiet was no other jaunt we had projected, and insisted upon than jealousy. H-. had informed him, my staying at home, without assigning any that I had been seen to walk out with Mr reason for this peremptory behaviour; his Bal- in a morning; and that our correscountenance being cloudy, and, for the space pondence had been observed with many adof three days, he did not open his mouth. ditional circumstances, which were absoluteAt last, he one night entered my bed- ly false and groundless. This imputation chamber, to which he had now free access, was no sooner understood, than it was rewith his sword under his arm, and, if I re- solved that the accuser should be examined member aright, it was ready drawn. I could in presence of us all. He accordingly apnot help taking notice of this alarming cir- peared, exceedingly drunk, though it was cumstance, which shocked me the more, as morning, and repeated the articles of the it happened immediately after a gloomy fit charge, as an information he had received of discontent. However, I seemed to over- from a man who came from town to hang look the incident, and, dismissing my maid, the bells, and was long ago returned to went to bed, because I was ashamed to ac- London. knowledge, even to my own heart, any dread This was an instance of his cunning and of a person whom I despised so much. address, which did not forsake him even in Hlowever, the strength of my constitution his hours of intoxication. Had he fixed the ADVENTURES OF PEREGRINE PICKLE. 249 calumny on any one of the servants, he reasonable was my tyrant in his spleen, that would have been confronted and detected in he declared he would even be jealous of his falsehood. Nevertheless, though he could Heydigger, if there was no other man to not be legally convicted, it plainly appeared incur his suspicion: he expected that I that he was the author of this defamation, should spend my whole time with him tetewhich incensed Mr Bal- to such a degree, a-tete; when I sacrificed my enjoyment to that he could scarce be withheld from punish- those comfortable parties, he never failed to ing him on the spot, by manual chastisement. lay hold on some innocent expression of However, he was prevailed upon to abstain mine, which he made the foundation of a from such immediate vengeance, as a step quarrel; and, when I strove to avoid these unworthy of his character; and the affair disagreeable misinterpretations by reading or was brought to this issue, that his lordship writing, he incessantly teased and tormented should either part with me or Mr H-; me with the imputation of being peevish, for I was fully determined against living sullen, and reserved. under the same roof with such an incen- Harassed by this unsufferable behaviour, diary. I communicated my case to Dr S — and This alternative being proposed, my lord his lady, intimating that I neither could nor dismissed his steward, and we returned to would expose myself any longer to such town with the doctor and Mrs S -; for I usage. The doctor exhorted me to bear my had imbibed such horror and aversion for fate with patience; and Mrs S — was silent this country-seat (though one of the pleasant- on the subject; so that I still hesitated beest in England), that I could not bear to live tween staying and going, when the doctor, in it. We therefore removed to a house in being one night at supper, happened to have Bond-street, where, according to the advice some words with my lord, who was so of my friends, I exerted my whole power violently transported with passion, that 1 and complaisance in endeavours to keep my was actually afraid of going to bed with him; husband in good humour; but was so un- and next morning, when he awaked, there successful in my attempts, that, if ever he was such an expression of frantic wildness was worse tempered, more capricious, or in- in his countenance, that I imagined he was tolerable at one time than at another, this actually distracted. was the season in which his ill humour pre- This alarming circumstance confirmed me dominated in the most rancorous degree. in my resolution of decamping; and I acI was scarce ever permitted to stir abroad, cordingly moved my quarters to a house in saw nobody at home but my old male friend Sackville-street, where I had lodged when I whom I have mentioned above, and the was a widow. From thence I sent a messdoctor with his lady, from whose conver- age to the duke of L, desiring he would sation I was at last also excluded. make my lord acquainted with the place of Nevertheless I contrived to steal a meet- my abode, my reasons for removing, and my ing, now and then, with my late benefactor, intention to defend myself against all his atfor whom I entertained a great share of af- tempts. The first night of this separation I fection, exclusive of that gratitude that was went to bed myself with as much pleasure due to his generosity. It was not his fault as a man would feel in going to bed to his that I compromised matters with my lord; mistress whom he had long solicited in vain, for he was as free of his purse as I was un- so rejoiced was I to be delivered from my willing to use it. It would, therefore, have obnoxious bedfellow! been unfriendly, unkind, and ungrateful in From these lodgings I soon moved to me (now that I was in affluence), to avoid Brook-street, where I had not long enjoyed all intercourse with a man who had support- the sweets of my escape, when I was imed me in adversity. I think people cannot portuned to return, by a new steward whom be too shy and scrupulous in receiving my lord had engaged in the room of H-n. favours; but once they are conferred, they This gentleman, who bore a very fair characought never to forget the obligation: and I ter, made such judicious representations, was never more concerned at any incident and behaved so candidly in the discharge of of my life, than at hearing that this gentle- his function, that I agreed he should act as man did not receive a letter, in which I ac- umpire in the difference betwixt us, and once knowledged the last proof of his friendship more a reconciliation was effected, though and liberality which I had occasion to use, his lordship began to be dissatisfied even bebecause I have since learned that he suspect- fore the execution of our agreement; in coned me of neglect. sequence of which he attended me to Bath, But to return to my situation in Bond- whither I went for the benefit of my health, street. I bore it as well as I could for the which was not a little impaired. space of three months, during which I lived This accommodation had a surprising in the midst of spies, who were employed to effect upon my lover, who, notwithstanding watch my conduct; and underwent every his repeated declarations, that no woman mortification that malice, power, and folly, should ever gain such an ascendency over could inflict. Nay, so ridiculous, so un- his heart as to be able to give him pain, suf2 G 250 SMOLLETT'S SELECT WORKS. fered all the agonies of disappointed love, joyed his friendship without reserve; and when he now found himself deprived of the such was the confidence he reposed in my opportunities of seeing me, and behaved integrity, from long experience of my truth, very differently from what he imagined he that he often said he would believe my bare should. His words and actions were despe- assertion, even though I should contradict rate: one of his expressions to me was,- the evidence of his own senses. These "it is like twisting my heart-strings, and being the terms upon which we lived, it is tearing it out of my body." Indeed I never not to be supposed that I bore the loss of should have acted this part, had I foreseen him without repining: indeed my grief was what he would have suffered; but I protest unspeakable; and though the edge of it be I believed him when he said otherwise, so now smoothed by the lenient hand of time, I much that his declaration on that subject shall never cease to cherish his memory with was the occasion of my giving him up; and the most tender remembrance. it was too late to retract. During the last period of my living with In our expedition to Bath, I was accompa- my lord, I had agreed to the expediency of nied by a very agreeable young lady, with obtaining an act of parliament, which would whom I passed my time very happily, amid enable him to pay his debts; on which octhe diversions of the place, which screened casion there was a necessity of cancelling a me, in a good measure, from the vexatious deed that subsisted between us, relating to a society of my hopeful partner. From this separate maintenance, to which, on certain place we repaired to his seat in the country, provisions, I was entitled; and this was to be where we spent a few months, and thence set aside, so far as it interfered with the returned again to our house in Bond-street. above mentioned scheme, while the rest of it Here, while I was confined to my bed by should remain in force. When this affair illness, it was supposed my indisposition was was about to be transacted, my lord very geno other than a private lying-in, though I nerously insisted upon my concurrence in was under the roof with my lord, and attend- annulling the whole settlement: and, when ed by his servants. I refused to comply with this demand, beWhile the distemper continued, my lord cause this was the sole resource I had against (to do him justice) behaved with all imagin- his ill usage, he would not proceed in the able tenderness and care; and his concern execution of his plan, though, by dropping it, on these occasions I have already mentioned he hurt nobody but himself; and he accused as a strange inconsistency in his disposition. me of having receded from my word, after I If his actions were at all accountable, I had drawn him into a considerable expense. should think he took pains to fret me into a This imputation of breaking my word, fever first, in order to manifest his love and which I defy the whole world to prove I ever humanity afterwards. When I recovered did, incensed me the more, as I myself had my strength and spirits, I went abroad, saw proposed the scheme for his service, although company, and should have been easy, had he I knew the accomplishment of it would enbeen contented; but as my satisfaction in- danger the validity of my own settlement; creased, his good humour decayed, and he and my indignation was still more augmented banished from his house, one by one, all the by the behaviour of Mr G, who had al, people whose conversation could have made ways professed a regard for my interest, and my life agreeable. upon my last accommodation with my lord, I often expostulated with him upon his undertaken to effect a reconciliation between malignant behaviour, protesting my desire of my father and me: but, when he was questionliving peaceably with him, and begging he ed about the particulars of this difference, would not lay me under the necessity of and desired to declare whether his lordship changing my measures. He was deaf to all or I was to blame, he declined the office of my remonstrances (though I warned him arbitrator, refused to be explicit upon the more than once of the event), persisted in subject, and by certain shrewd hums and his maxims of persecution; and, after repeat- ha's, signified his disapprobation of my coned quarrels, I again left his house, fiully de- duct. Yet this very man, when I imparted termined to suffer all sorts of extremity, to him, in confidence, my intention of mnakrather than subject myself to the tyranny of ilg another retreat, and frankly asked his his disposition. opinion of my design, seemed to acquiesce in This year was productive of one fatal the justice of it in these remarkable words;event, which I felt with the utmost sensibility "Madam, if I thought or had hopes of my of sorrow, and I shall always remember lord's growing better, I would down on my with regret-I mean the death of Mir B-, knees to desire you to stay: but, as I have with whom I had constantly maintained an not, I say nothing." intimate correspondence since the first com- If he connived at my conduct in this parmencement of our acquaintance. He was ticular, why should he disapprove of it when one of the most valuable men, and promised all I asked was but common justice! but he to be one of the brightest ornaments that'was a dependant; and therefore I excuse his this or any other age had produced. I en- phlegmatic (not to call it unfriendly) be. ADVENTURES OF PEREGRINE PICKLE. 251 naviour. Indeedhecould notbe too cautious very agreeable companion, and of singular of giving offence to his lordship, who some- service to me in the sequel. times made him feel the effects of that wrath At last, my lord having received intelli-which other people had kindled; particularly gence of the place of my abode, and his in consequence of a'small adventure which tormenting humour recurring, he set out for happened about this very period of time. my habitation, and in the morning appeared A very agreeable, sprightly, good-natured in his coach and six, attended by Mr G-n, young man, a near relation of my lord, hap- and another person, whom he had engaged pening to be at our house one evening, when for the purpose, with several domestics armthere was a fire in the neighbourhood, we ed. I immediately shut up my doors at his agreed to go and sup at a tavern en famille; approach, and refused him admittance, which and having spent the evening with great he endeavoured to obtain by a succession of mirth and good humour, this young gentle- prayers and threats; but I was deaf to both, man, who was naturally facetious, in taking and resolved to hold out to the last. Seeing his leave, saluted us all round. My lord, me determined, he began his attack, and his who had before entertained some jealousy of servants actually forced their way into the his kinsman, was very much provoked by this house; upon which I retreated up stairs, and trifling incident, but very prudently sup- fortified myself in my apartment, which the pressed his displeasure till he returned to his assailants stormed with such fury, that the own house, where his rage co-operatingwith door began to give way, and I retired into the champagne he had drank, inflamed him another room. to such a degree of resolution, that he spruno, Whilst I remained in this post, Mr G-n upon the innocent G-n, and collared him demanded a parley, in which he begged I with great fury, though he was altogether would favour my lord with an interview, unconcerned in the cause of his indig- otherwise he knew not what might be the nation. consequence. To this remonstrance I reThis extravagant and frantic behaviour, plied, that I was not disposed to comply with added to other grievances under which I his request; and that though their design laboured, hastened my resolution of leaving should be murder, I was not at all afraid of him; and he to this day blames his relation death. Upon this declaration they renewed as the immediate cause of my escape, where- their attacks, which they carried on with inas he ought to place it to the account of his different success till the afternoon, when my own madness and indiscretion. When I lord (as if he had been at play) sent a formal retired to Park-street, he cautioned all my message to me, desiring that all hostilities. tradesmen (not even excepting my baker) should cease, till after both parties should against giving me credit, assuring them that have dined. At the same time, my own he would not pay any debts I should contract: servants came for instructions; and I ordered and the difficulties to which I was reduced, them to let him- have every thing which he in consequence of this charitable declaration, should call for, as far as the house would togecher with the reflection of what I had afford. suffered, and might undergo, from the caprice He did not fail to make use of this. perand barbarity of his disposition, affected my mission; but sitting down with his compahealth so much that I was taken again ill, nions, eat up my dinner without hesitation, and my life thought in danger. after he had paid me the compliment of de-. My constitution, however, got the better siring to know what he should send up to my of my distemper, and I was ordered into the apartment. Far from having any stomach' country by my physicians, for the benefit of to partake of his meal, I sat solitary upon my the air; so that I found myself under the bed, in a state of melancholy expectation, necessity of keeping two houses, when I having fastened the door of the outward' was little able to support one, and set up my room for my security, while I kept my chariot, because I could not defray the ex- chamber open for the convenience of air, the pence of a hackney-coach; for I had as weather being excessively hot. much credit given me as I asked for, not- His lordship, having indulged his appetite, withstanding my lord's orders to the con- resumed his attempt, and all of a sudden I trary. heard a noise in the next room; upon which Having recruited my spirits in the coun- I started up, and perceiving that he had got try, I returned to town, and was visited by into my antichamber, by the help of a bench my friends, who never forsook me in adver- that stood under the window, Iiflung to the sity, and, in the summer, removed to a house door of my room, which I locked with great in Essex, where I lived a few months in expedition, and opening another which coingreat tranquillity, unmolested by my tyrant, municated with the stair-case, ran out of the who somletimrnes gave me a whole year's res- house through a crowd of more than a pite. Here I used to ride and drive by turns hundred people, whom this fray had gathered (as my lhumour dictated) with horses which together. were lent me; and I had the company of my Being universallybeloved in the neighbourlover, and another gentleman, who was a hood, and respected by my lord's servants, I 252 SMOLLETT'S SELECT WORKS. passed among them untouched, and took re- but of clothes I had a good stock: and when fuge in a neighbouring cottage; while his I had reason to believe that he did not intend lordship bawled and roared for assistance, to relinquish his conquest, I thought it was being afraid to come out as he had gone in. high time for me to remove to a greater Without waiting for his deliberations, I distance from his quarters. Accordingly, changed clothes with the poor woman who two days after my escape, I set out at eleven had given me shelter, and in her blue apron o'clock at night, in a chariot and four, which and straw hat sallied out into the fields, in- I borrowed of my friend, attended by a foottending to seek protection at the house of a man, who was a stout fellow, and well armgentleman not far off, though I was utterly ed, I myself being provided with a brace of ignorant of the road that led to it. How- good pistols, which I was fully determined ever, it was my good fortune to meet with a to use against any person who should prefarmer, who undertook to conduct me to the sume to lay violent hands upon me, except place, otherwise I should have missed my mv lord, for whom a less mortal weapon way, and in all probability lain in the fields; would have sufficed, such as a bodkin or a for by this time it was eight o'clock at night. tinder-box. Nothing could be farther from Under the direction of this guide, I travers- my intention than the desire of hurting any ed hedges and ditches (for I would not ven- living creature, much less my husband; my ture to travel in the highway, lest I should design was only to defend myself from cruelfall into the hands of my pursuer); and after ty and oppression, which I knew, by fatal I had actually tumbled in the mire, andwalk- experience, would infallibly be my lot, should ed six or seven long miles by the help of a he get me into his power; and I thought I good spirit, which never failed me on such had as good a right to preserve my happiness, occasions, I arrived at the place, and rung as that which every individual has to preserve the bell at the garden gate for admittance. his life, especially against a set of ruffians, Seeing my figure, which was very uncouth, who were engaged to rob me of it for a little together with my draggled condition, they dirty lucre. denied me entrance; but when they under- In the midst of our journey, the footman stood who I was, immediately opened the came up, and told me I was dogged; upon door, and I was hospitably entertained, after which I looked out, and seeing a man riding having been the subject of mirth, on account by the chariot side, presented one of my of my dress and adventure. pistols out of the window, and preserved that Next day I returned and took possession posture of defence until he thought proper to of my house again, where I resumed my retreat, and rid me of the fears that attended former amusements, which I enjoyed in quiet his company. I arrived in town, and, chanfor the space of a whole month, waiting ginog my equipage, hired an open chaise, in with resignation for the issue of my law- which (though I was almost starved with suit; when, one afternoon, I was apprised of cold) I travelled to Reading, which I reached his lordship's approach by one of my spies, by ten next morning; and from thence pro. whom I always employed to reconnoitre the ceeded farther into the country, with a view road; and so fortunate was I in the choice of taking refuge with Mrs C -, who was of these scouts, that I never was betrayed by my particular friend. Here I should have one of them, though they were often bribed found shelter, though my lord had been befor that purpose. forehand with me, and endeavoured to preI no sooner received this intelligence, possess her against my conduct, had not the than I ordered my horse to be saddled, and house been crowded with company, among mounting, rode out of sight immediately, whom I could not possibly have been condirecting my course a different way from the cealed, especially from her brother, who was London road. I had not long proceeded in an intimate friend of my persecutor. this tract, when my career was all of a sud- Things being thus situated, I enjoyed but den stopped by a five-bar gate, which, after a very short interview with her, in which her some hesitation, I resolved to leap (my horse sorrow and perplexity on my account appearbeing an old hunter), if I should find myself ed with great expression in her countenance; pursued. However, with much difficulty, I and though it was not in her power to afford made a shift to open it, and arrived in safety me the relief I expected, she, in the most at the house of my very good friend Mr genteel manner, sent after me a small sum G -, who, being a justice of the peace, of money, thinking that, considering the had promised me his protection, if it should hurry in which I left my house, I might have be wanted. occasion for it on the road. I was by this Thus secured for the present, I sent out time benumbed with cold, fatigued with tra spies to bring information of his lordship's velling, and almost fretted to death by my proceedings, and understood that he had disappointment. However, this was no time taken possession of my house, turned my to indulge despondence; since nobody could servants adrift, and made himself master of or would assist me, I stood the more in need all my movables, clothes, and papers. As of my own resolution and presence of mind 4'6r the papers, they were of no consequence, After some deliberation I steered my course ADVENTURES OF PEREGRINE PICKLE. 253 back to London; and being unwilling to re- horse-whip, against which (from the knowturn by the same road in which I came, as ledge of the man) I did not think myself alwell as impatient to be at the end of my together secure: though I was not much journey, I chose the Bagshot way, and ven- alarmed, because I believed myself superior tured to cross the heath by moonlight. to him in point of bravery, should the worst Here I was attacked by a footpad armed come to the worst: but, contrary to my exwith a broad sword, who came up and de- pectation, and his usual behaviour to our sex, manded my money. My stock amounted to he accosted me very politely, and began to twelve guineas; and I foresaw that, should I expostulate upon the contents of my letter. be stripped of the whole sum, I could not I freely told him, that I had rashly assented travel without discovering who I was, and to his proposal, for my own convenience consequently running the risk of being de- only; that, when I reflected on what I had tected by my pursuer. On these conside- done, I thought it ungenerous in me to live rations I gave the fellow three guineas and with him upon these terms; and that as I some silver: with which he was so far from did not like him, and could not dissemble, being satisfied, that he threatened to search such a correspondence could never tend to me for more; but I ordered the coachman the, satisfaction of either. He allowed the to proceed, and by good fortune escaped inference was just, though he was very much that ceremony; though I was under some chagrined at my previous proceeding: he reapprehension of being overtaken by a pistol linquished his claim, restored my clothes, bullet in my flight, and therefore held down and never afterwards upbraided me with my my head in the chaise, in imitation of some conduct in this affair; though he at one time great men, who are said to have ducked in owned that he still loved me, and ever should, the same manner in the day of battle. because I had used him ill; a declaration My fears happened to be disappointed; I that strongly marks the peculiarity of his lay at an inn upon the road, and next day character. As for my own part, I own arrived in town, in the utmost difficulty and that my behaviour on this occasion is no distress; for I knew not where to fix my ha- other way excusable, than on account of the bitation, and was destitute of all means of miserable perplexity of my circumstances, support. In this dilemma, I applied to my which were often so calamitous, that I lawyer, who recommended me to the house wonder I have not been compelled to take of a tradesman in Westminster, where I such steps as would have rendered my con. lodged and boarded upon credit, with my duct much more exceptionable than it really faithful Abigail (whom I shall distinguish by is. the name of Mrs S —r), for the space of ten At last all my hopes were blasted by the weeks, during which I saw nobody, and issue of my suit, which was determined in never once stirred abroad. favour of my lord. Even then I refused to While I was thus harassed out of all en- yield; on the contrary, coming out of rejoyment of life, and reduced to the utmost tirement, I took lodgings in Suffolk-street, indigence, by the cruelty of my persecutor, and set my tyrant at defiance. But, being who had even stripped me of my wearing unwilling to trust my doors to the care of apparel, I made a conquest of Lord D —, other people, I hired a house in Conduita nobleman who is now dead, and therefore street; and no sooner appeared in the world I shall say little of his character, which is again, than I was surrounded by divers and perfectly well known; this only will I ob- sundry sorts of admirers. I believe I receivserve, that, next to my own tyrant, he was ed the incense and addresses of all kinds the person of whom I had the greatest ab- under the sun, except that sort which was horrence. Nevertheless, when these two most to my liking, a man capable of concame in competition, I preferred the offers of tracting and inspiring a mutual attachment; this new lover, which were very consider- but such a one is equally rare and inestiable; and, as an asylum was the chief thing mable; not but that I own myself greatly I wanted, agreed to follow him to his country- obliged to all those who cultivated my good seat, whither I actually sent my clothes, graces, though they were very little beholden which I had purchased upon credit. to me; for where I did not really love, I could However, upon mature deliberation, I never profess that passion; that sort of dischanged my mind, and signified my reso- simulation is a slavery that no honest nature lution in a letter, desiring, at the same. time, will undergo. Except one worthy young that my baggage might be sent back. In man, whom I sometimes saw, they were a consequence of this message, I expected a strange medley of insignificant beings; one visit from him, in all the rage of indignation was insipid, another ridiculously affected, a and disappointment, and gave orders that he third void of all education, a fourth altogether should not be admitted into my house; yet, inconsistent; and, in short, I found as many notwithstanding this precaution, he found trifling characters among the men, as ever I means to procure entrance: and one of the observed in my own sex. Some of them I first objects that I saw, next morning, in my endeavoured to bring over to my maxims, bed-chamber, was my lover armed with his while they attempted to make a proselyte of 254 SMOLLETT'S SELECT WORKS. me; but finding the task impracticable on my guard into a whole file of musqueteers. both sides, we very wisely dropt each other. He also made a shift to discover the gentleAt length, however, I was blessed with the man who had been so kind as to lend me one acquaintance of one nobleman, who is, per- of his company, and complained of him to haps, the first character in England, in point the duke of N —, in hopes of seeing him of honour, integrity, wit, sense, and bene- broke for his rnisdemeanour; but in that exvolence. When I have thus distinguished pectation he was luckily disappointed. him, I need scarce mention Lord. Perceiving that in England I should never This great, this good man, possesses every enjoy peace, but be continually subject to accomplishment requisite to inspire admi- those alarms and disquiets which had already ration, love, and esteem. With infinitely impaired my health and spirits, I resolved to more merit than almost ever fell to one man's repair again to France, my best refuge and share, he manifests such diffidence ofhis own sure retreat from the persecution of my qualifications, as cannot fail to prepossess tyrant. Yet, before I took this step, I enevery company in his favour. He seems to deavoured, by the advice of my friends, to observe nothing, yet sees every thing; his conceal myself near Windsor; but was in a manner of telling a story, and making trifles little time discovered by my lord, and hunted elegant, is peculiar to himself; and, though out of my lurking-place accordingly. I then he has a thousand oddities, they serve only removed to Chelsea, where I suffered into make him more agreeable. After what I conceivable uneasiness and agitation of have said, it may be supposed that I was en- mind, fiom the nature of my situation, my amoured of his person: but this was not the tranquillity being thus incessantly invaded by case; love is altogether capricious and fanci- a man who could not be satisfied with me, ful; yet I admire, honour, and esteem him to and yet could not live without me: so that, the highest degree; and when I observe that though I was very much indisposed, I set his character resembled that of my dear de- out for France, by the way of the Hague, as parted friend Mr B, or rather that Mr the war had shut up all other communication, B-, had he lived, would have resembled having no other attendant but my woman Lord, I pay the highest compliment I S- r, who, though she dreaded the sea, can conceive both to the living and the dead. and was upon the brink of matrimony, would In this nobleman's friendship and conver- not quit me in such a calamitous condition, sation I thought myself happy; though I was, until I was joined by my footman and other as usual, exposed to the indefatigable efforts maid, whom I ordered to follow me with the of my lord, who, one day, while I was favour- baggage. But, before my departure, I sent a ed with the company of this generous friend, message to Lord -, demanding my appeared at my door in his coach, attended clothes, which he had seized in Essex: and by another gentleman, who demanded en- he refusing to deliver them, I was obliged to trance with an air of authority. A very equip myself anew upon credit. honest footman, who had been long in my I was supplied with money for my journey service, ran up stairs in the utmost conster- by my good friend L -; and, after a short nation, and gave me an account of what had and pleasant passage, arrived at the Hague, happened below. Upon which I told him, where I staid two months, and parted with he had nothino to answer for, and ordered S —r, on whom I settled an annuity of fivehim to keep the door fast shut against all and-twenty pounds, payable out of the proopposition; though I was so much affected vision which I had or might obtain from my by this unexpected assault, that Lord husband. The same allowance had I presaid he was never more surprised and shock- vailed upon Lord B — to grant to another ed in his life, than at the horror which ap- maid, who attended me while I lived in his peared in my countenance, when I saw the house. coach stop at my door. I did not much relish the people in HolMy little hero being refused admittance, land, because they seemed entirely devoted went away, threatening to return speedily to self-interest, without any taste for pleasure with a reinforcement; and during this inter- or politeness; a species of disposition that val, I provided myself with a soldier, whom could not be very agreeable to me, who alI placed centinel at the door, withinside, to ways despised money, had an unbounded guard me from the danger of such assaults benevolence of heart, and loved pleasure for the future. My lord, true to his promise, beyond every other consideration. When I marched back with his auxiliaries, reinforced say pleasure, I would not be understood to with a constable, and repeated his demand mean sensuality, which constitutes the suof being admitted; and my soldier opening preme happiness of those only who are void the sash, in order to answer him, according of sentiment and imagination. Nevertheless, to my directions, he no sooner perceived the I received some civilities in this place; and, red coat, than he was seized with such a among the rest, the reputation of having for panic, that he instantly fled with great pre- my lover the king of P-'s minister, who cipitation; and, when he had recounted the was young and airy, and visited me often; adventure, ike Falstaff in the play, multiplied circumstances that were sufficient to lay me ADVENTURES OF PEREGRINE PICKLE. 255 under the imputation of an amour, which I reflections were very comfortable; and yet, frequently incurred without having given the though I sustained the whole damage, I was least cause of suspicion. the only person in the company who bore the Having taken leave of my Dutch friends, accident with any resolution and presence o~ I departed from the Hague, in company with mind. My coachman and valet seemed quite an Englishwomian, whom I had chosen for petrified with fear; and it was not till I had that purpose, and arrived at Antwerp with repeated my directions that the former drove much difficulty and danger, the highway farther into the wood, and took the first turnbeing infested with robbers. After having ing to the right, in order to regain the road, reposed myself a few days in this city, I according to the command of the robbers, hired a coach for myself, and set out with which I did not choose to disobey. my companion for Brussels; but, before we This misfortune I suffered by the misinreached Mechlin, our vehicle was attacked formation I received at Antwerp, where I by two hussars, who, with their sabres drawn, would have provided myself with an escort, obliged the coachman to drive into a wood had not I been assured that there was not the near the road. I at first imagined they least occasion to put myself to such extrawanted to examine our passports, but was ordinary expense; and indeed the robbers soon too well convinced of their design; took the only half hour in which they could and, though very much shocked at the dis- have had an opportunity of plundering us covery, found resolution enough to suppress for we no sooner returned into the highwav my concern, so that it should not aggravate than we met with the French artillery coming the terrors of the young woman, who had from Brussels, which was a security to us almost died with apprehension. I even en- during the rest of our journey. We were couraged her to hope for the best; and, ad- afterwards informed at a small village, that dressing myself to the robbers in French, there was actually a large gang of deserters. begged, in the most suppliant manner, that who harboured in that wood, from which they they would spare our lives, upon which one made excursions in the neighbourhood, and of them, who was a little fellow, assured me, kept the peasants in continual alarms. in the same language, that we had nothing to Having proceeded a little way, we were fear for our persons. stopped by the artillery crossing a bridge; When we were conveyed in a state of and as the train was very long, must have dreadful suspense above three quarters of a been detained till night, had not a soldier inmile into the wood, the ruffians came into the formed me, that if I would take the trouble to coach, and, taking my keys, which I kept come out of my coach, and apply to the comready in my hand for them, opened three mandant, he would order them to halt, and large trunks that contained my baggage, and allow me to pass. I took the man's advice, emptying them of every thing but my hoops and was by him conducted, with much diffiand a few books, packed up their booty in a culty, through the crowd, to some. officers, cloth; then robbed me of my money and who seemed scarce to deserve the name; for jewels, even to my shoe-buckles and sleeve- when I signified my request, they neither rose buttons, took my footman's laced hat, and up, nor desired me to sit down; but lolling gave it, byway of gratification, to a peasant, in their chairs, with one leg stretched out, who came from behind the bushes, and as- asked, with an air of disrespectful raillery, sisted them in packing. where I was going? and when I answered, This affair being dispatched, they ordered " to Paris," desired to know what I would do us to return to the road by a different way there? from that in which we were carried into the I, who am naturally civil where I am civilly wood; and mounting their horses, rode off used, and saucy enough where I think mysel, with the plunder, though not before the little treated with disregard, was very much piqued fellow, who was the least ferocious of the at their insolent and unmannerly behaviour, two, had come and shaken me by the hand, and began to reply to their impertinent queswishing us a good journey; a compliment tions very abruptly; so that a very tart diawhich I heartily returned, being extremely logue would have ensued, had not the converwell pleased with the retreat of two such sation been interrupted by a tall, thin genteel companions, who had detained us a whole young French nobleman, an officer in the half hour; during which, notwithstanding the army, who, chancing to come in, asked with assurance I had received, I was in continual great politeness, what I would please to have; apprehension of seeing their operation con- I then repeated my desire, and produced my cluded with the murder of us all; for I sup- passports, by which he learned who I was. pose they were of that gang who had some He immediately gave orders that my coach time before murdered a French officer, and should pass; and afterwards visited me at used a lady extremely ill, after having rifled Paris, having obtained my permission, and her of all- she had. taken my address at parting; while the others, Having thus undergone pillage, and being understanding my name and quality, asked reduced to the extremity of indigence, in a pardon for their impolite carriage, which they foreign land, it is not to be supposed that my told me was owing to the representation ot 22 256 SMOLLETT'S SELECT WORKS. the soldier, who gave them to understand, comfortable conversation, among very disathat I was a strolling actress. greeable company, which is certainly one of I could not help laughing heartily at this the most disagreeable situations in life, I armistake, which might have proceeded from rived at Lisle, where, thinking the dangerous the circumstances of my appearance, my foot- part of the journey was now past, I hired a man having been obliged to change hats with post-chaise, and in two days more reached the peasant, and myself being without buckles Paris without any fiurther molestation. in my shoes, and buttons in my riding shirt, Upon my arrival in the capital, I was imwhile my countenance still retained marks mediately visited by my old acquaintances, of the fear and confusion I had undergone. who, hearing my disaster, offered me their After all, perhaps the fellow was a droll, clothes, and insisted upon my wearing them, and wanted to entertain himself at my ex- until I could be otherwise provided. They pense. likewise engaged me in parties, with a view The day was so far consumed in these ad- of amusing my imagination, that I might not ventures, that I was obliged to take up my grow melancholy in reflecting upon my loss; lodgings at Mechlin, where I addressed my- and desired me to repeat the particulars of my self to the intendant, giving him an account story forty times over, expressing great surof the disaster I had met with, and desiring prise at our not being murdered, or ravished I might have credit at the inn, as our whole at least. As for this last species of outrage, company could not raise the value of a six- the fear of it never once entered my head, pence. This gentleman, though a provincial, otherwise I should have been more shocked was polite in his way, and not only granted and alarmed than I really was: but it seems my request, but invited me to lodge at his this was the chief circumstance of my comown house. Iaccordingly gave him mycom- panion's apprehension: and I cannot help pany at supper, but did not choose to sleep observing, that a homely woman is always in his quarters, because he appeared to be more apt to entertain those fears, than one what the French call un vieux debauche. whose person exposes her to much more Next day, he sent a trumpet to the general, imminent danger. However, I now learned, with a detail of my misfortune, in hopes of that the risk I ran was much greater than I retrieving what I had lost; but, notwithstand- imagined it to be, those ruffians being famiing all possible search, I was fain to put up liarized to rape as well as murder. with my damage, which, in linen, laces, Soon after my appearance in Paris, I was clothes, and baubles, amounted to upwards of favoured with the addresses of several French seven hundred pounds: a loss which never de- lovers; but I never had any taste for foreigners, prived me of one moment's rest; for thoughl or indeed for any amusements of that kind, I lodged at a miserable inn, and lay in a pal- except such as were likely to be lasting, and try bed, I slept as sound as if nothing extra- settled upon a more agreeable footing than ordinary had happened, after I had written to that of common gallantry. When I deviated London and Paris, directing that the payment from this principle, my conduct was the effect of my bills of credit might be stopped. In- of compulsion, and therefore I was never deed, I know but of two misfortunes in life easy under it, having been reduced to the alcapable of depressing my spirits, namely, the ternative of two evils, the least of which I loss of health and friends; all others may be was obliged to choose, as a man leaps into prevented or endured. The articles of that the sea, in order to escape from a ship that is calamity which I chiefly regretted, were a on fire. picture of Lord W-m, and some inimitable Though I rejected their love, I did not reletters from Mr B. fuse their company and conversation; and From Mechlin I proceeded to Brussels, though my health was considerably impaired where, being known, I got credit for some by the shock I received in my last adventure, necessaries, and borrowed twenty guineas, to which was considerably greater than I at first defray the. expenses of my journey to Paris. imagined, and affected my companion so Having consulted with my friends, about the much, that she did not recover her spirits till safest method of travelling through Flanders, she returned to England: I say, though I I was persuaded to take places in the public was for some time a valetudinarian, I envoiture: and accordingly departed, not with- joyed myself in great tranquillity for the out fears of finding one part of the country space of ten months, during which I was as much infested with robbers as another. visited by English, Scotch, and French, of Nor were these apprehensions assuaged by all parties and persuasions; for pleasure is of the conversation of my fellow-travellers, who no faction, and that was the chief object of being of the ower sort of people, that delight my pursuit; neither was I so ambitious of in exaggerating dangers, entertained me all being a politician, as to employ my time and the way with an account of all the robberies thoughts upon subjects which I did not unand murders which had been committed on derstand-I had admirers of a.l sides, and that road, with many additional circumstances should have spent my time very much to my of their own invention. liking, had not I felt my funds sensibly diAfter hlaving been two days exposed to this minish, without any prospect of their being ADVENTURES OF PEREGRINE PICKLE. 257 repaired: for I had been obliged to lay out known to me, and accordingly favoured me a great part of the sum allotted for my sub- with a visit one afternoon, when the brisk sistence, in supplying my companion, my North Briton engrossed the whole conversaservant, and myself, withnecessaries, in lieu tion, while the other seemed fearful and of those which we had lost. diffident even to a degree of bashfulness Having before, mine eyes the uncom- through which, however, I could discern a fortable prospect of wanting money in a delicate sensibility and uncommon understrange place, I found myself under the ne- standing. There was in his person (which cessity of returning to England, where I had was very agreeable), as well as in his bemore resources than I could possibly have haviour, a certain naivete that was very among foreigners; and with that view wrote pleasing; and at this first interview, we reto Lord -'s agent, desiring that I might lished each other's company so well, that a be enabled to discharge my obligations at sort of intimacy immediately commenced, and Paris, by the paymentc of my pin-money. was carried on in a succession of parties of Thus a negotiation commenced, and his pleasure, in the course of which I found him lordship promised to remit money for the fraught with all the tenderness and sentiment clearance of my Paris debts, which amounted that render the heart susceptible of the most to four hundred pounds: but he would not ad- refined love; a disposition that immediately vance one farthing more, though I gave him made me partial to him, while it subjected to understand, that, while he protracted the his own heart to all the violent impressions agreement, I must inevitably be adding to my of a passion, which I little imagined our corincumbrances, and that I should be as effec- respondence would have produced. tually detained by a debt of twenty pounds, Nevertheless, I was far from being disas if I owed a thousand. Notwithstanding pleased with my conquest, because his person ll my representations he would not part with and qualifications, as well as his manner of one shilling over the neat sum which I had address, were very much to my liking, and 0t first stipulated; so that all my measures recommended him in a particular manner to were rendered abortive, and I found it alto- my affection. Indeed he made a greater progether impracticable to execute thoseresolu- gress in my heart than I myself suspected; tions I had formed in his favour. for there was something congenial in our Thus did he, for a mere trifle, embarrass the souls, which, from our first meeting, I believe woman for whom he professes the most un- had attracted us (unknown to ourselves) under limited love, and whose principles he pretends the notions of friendship and regard, and now to hold in the utmost veneration. Indeed his disclosed itself in the most passionate love. confidence in my integrity is not without I listened to his addresses, and we were foundation; for many wives, with one half truly happy. His attachment was the quintof my provocation, would have ruined him essence of tenderness and sincerity, while to all intents and purposes; whereas, notwith- his generosity knew no bounds. Not constanding all the extraordinary expenses to tented with having paid twelve hundred pounds which I had been exposed by his continual on my account in the space of one fortnight, persecution, he never paid a shilling on my he would have loaded me with present after account, except one thousand pounds, exclu- present, had I not absolutely refused to acsive of the small allowance which was my cept such expensive marks of his munificence. due. In a word, so much time elapsed be- I was even mortified at those instances of his fore my lord could prevail upon himself to liberality, which my situation compelled me advance the bare four hundred, that I was to receive, lest, being but little acquainted involved in fresh difficulties, from which I with my disposition, he should suspect me of found it impossible to extricate myself: and being interested in my love, and judge my though I had occasion to write a letter to my conduct by the malicious reports of common benefactor Lord -, in which I expressed fame, which (he afterwards owned) had at my acknowledgement for past favours, I could first obtained such credit with him, that he not venture to solicit more, even when I was believed our mutual attachment would not be encouraged by a very obliging answer, where- of long duration. But, in this particular, he in he declared, that the good qualities of my was soon undeceived; his heart, though mind and heart would bind him to me in naturally adapted for the melting passion, had friendship for ever. hitherto escaped untouched by all the ladies While I ruminated on my uncomfortable of Italy and France; and therefore the first situation, which would neither permit me to impressions were the more deeply fixed. As return to England, nor to stay much longer he was unpractised in the ways of common where Iwas, ayoungEnglishman of immense gallantry and deceit, the striking simplicity fortune, took Paris in his way from Italy, ac- in his character was the more likely to engage companied by a most agreeable Scotsman of the heart of one who knew the perfidy of the very good sense and great vivacity. It was world, and despised all the farce and bombast any good or ill fortune to become acquainted of fashionable profession, which I had always with these gentlemen, who having seen me considered as the phrase of vanity and ostenat the opera, expressed a desire of being tation, rather than the genuine language ot 2H 258 SMOLLETT'S SELECT WORKS. love. Besides, gratitude had a considerable she still persisted in her endeavours to rival share in augmenting my affection, which me in his affection, and contracted an intimanifested itself in such a warm, cordial, macy with his companion, who seemed to artless manner, as increased his esteem, and entertain a passion for her, that she might riveted his attachment; for he could easily have the more frequent opportunities of being perceive, from the whole tenor of my con- among us; for she had no objection against duct, that my breast was an utter stranger to favouring the addresses of both. One evencraft and dissimulation; yet I was at first ing, I remember, we set out in my coach for fearful of contracting any engagement with the opera; and, in the way, this inamorata him, because, being younger than me, he was so busy with her feet, that I was incensmight be more apt to change, and the world ed at her behaviour; and, when we arrived might be malicious enough to suppose I had at the place, refused to alight; but, setting practised upon his inexperience; but con- them down, declared my intention of returnscious of my own integrity, I set slander at ing home immediately. She was so much defiance, trusting to my own behaviour, and pleased with this intimation, that she could his natural probity, for the continuance of not conceal the joy she felt at the thoughts his love. Though we did not live together of conversing with him, uninterrupted by my in the same house, the greatest part of our presence; an opportunity with which I had time was spent in each other's company;- never favoured her before. This open exulwe dined and supped at the same table, fre- tation increased my anger and anxiety. I quented public places, went upon parties to went home; but, being still tortured with the the country, and never parted, but for a few reflection of having left them together, adhours in the night, which we passed in the justed myself in the glass, though I was too utmost impatience to meet again. angry to take notice of my own figure, and In this agreeable manner did the days roll without further delay returned to the opera. on, when my felicity was interrupted by a fit Having inquired for the box in which they of jealousy with which I happened to be sat, I took possession of one that fronted seized. I had contracted an acquaintance them; and reconnoitringthem, without being with a young married lady, who, though her perceived, had the satisfaction of seeing him personal attractions were but slender, was, removed to as great a distance from her as upon the whole, an agreeable, cheerful, good the place would permit, and his head turned natured companion, with a little dash of the another way. Composed by this examicoquette in her composition. This woman nation, I joined them without further scruple, being in very indigent circumstances, oc- when my young gentleman expressed great casioned by some losses her husband had joy at my appearance, and told me he was sustained, no sooner had an opportunity of determined to have left the entertainment, seeing and conversing with my lover, than and come in quest of me, had I not returned she formed the design of making a conquest at that instant. of him. I should have forgiven her for this In our way homewards, my rival repeated scheme, whatever pangs it might have cost her usual hints, and with her large hoop alme, had I believed it the effect of real pass- most overshadowed my lover from my view; ion; but I knew her too well to suppose her upon which my jealousy and wrath recurred heart was susceptible of love, and according- with such violence, that I pulled the string ly resented it. In the execution of her plan, as a signal for the coachman to stop, with a she neglected nothing which she thought ca- view of getting out, and going home a-foot' pable of engaging his attention. She took a step which would have afforded a new all opportunities of sitting near him at table, spectacle to the people of Paris. But I reogled him in the most palpable manner, di- flected in a moment upon the folly of such rected her whole discourse to him, trod upon a resolution, and soon recollected myself, by his toes; nay, I believe, squeezed his hand. calling my pride to my assistance. I deterMy blood boiled at her, though my pride, for mined, however, that she should act no more some time, enabled me to conceal my un- scenes of this kind in my presence, and that easiness; till at length her behaviour became same night insisted upon my lover's dropso arrogant and gross, that I could no longer ping all intercourse and connection with this suppress my indignation, and one day told tormentor. He very cheerfully complied my lover, that I would immediately renounce with my desire, and was even glad of an ochis correspondence. casion to break off his acquaintance with a lie was greatly alarmed at this unexpected person about whom I had plagued him so declaration; and, when he understood the much. cause of it, assured me, that, for the future, Thus was I freed from the persecution of he would never exchange one word with her. one of those creatures, who, though of little Satisfied with this mark of his sincerity and consequence in themselves, are yet the pests regard, I released him from his promise, of society, and find means to destroy that which he could not possibly keep, while she harmony which. reigns between two lovers, and I lived upon any terms; and we con- by the intrusion of a loose appetite, void of tinned to visit each other as usual, though all sensibility and discretion; having no ADVENTURES OF PEREGRINE PICKLE. 259 feeling themselves, they cannot sympathize being fully satisfied and happy in the comrnwith that of other people, and do mischief pany and conversation of the man I loved out of mere wantonness. and, when he went into the country, contentMy lover being obliged to go to England, ed myself with his correspondence, which had settled me in a genteel house in Paris, he punctually maintained, in a series of with a view of returning when his affairs letters, equally sensible, sincere, and afshould be adjusted; but, when the time of fectionate. his departure approached, he began to be Upon his return to town for the remainder uneasy at the prospect of separation, and, in of the season, he devoted the greatest part order to alleviate his anxiety, desired me to of his time to our mutual enjoyment; left accompany him to Calais, where we staid me with reluctance, when he was called away together three or four days, during which the by indispensable business, and the civility dread of parting became more and more in- which was due to his acquaintance, and very tense; so that we determined upon my fol- seldom went to any place of public enterlowing him into England by the first oppor- tainment, because I could not accompany tunity, where I should live altogether incog. and share with him in the diversion: nay, so that I might be concealed from the inquiries much did I engross his attention, that one and attempts of my lord. Even after this evening, after he had been teased into an resolution was fixed, we parted with all the agreement of meeting some friends at a agonies of lovers who despair of ever meet- play, he went thither precisely at the aping again; and the wind blowing very high pointed hour, and, as they did not arrive after he had embarked, increased my fears. punctually at the very minute, he returned But, by the return of the packet-boat, I was to me immediately, as much rejoiced at his Dlessed with the report of his being safe ar- escape as if he had met with some signal rived in England, and had the satisfaction of deliverance. Nor was his constancy inferior perusing his letters by every post. to the ardour of his love: we went once My admirer being thus detached from me, together to a ball in the Haymarket, where, my thoughts were entirely employed in con- in the midst of a thousand fine women, certing some private method of conveying whose charms were enhanced by the pecumyself to him. As I would not trust myself liarity of the dresses they wore, he remained in the common packet, for fear of being dis- unshaken, unseduced, preserving his attachcovered, after having revolved divers schemes, ment for me in spite of all temptation. I determined to transport myself in one of In the summer he'provided me with a the Dutch fishing-boats, though I knew the house in the neighbourhood of his own, but passage would be hazardous; but, in a case the accommodations being bad, and that of such interesting concern, I overlooked all country affording no other place fit f(,r my danger and inconvenience. Before I put residence, he brought me home to his own this resolution in practice, I was so fortunate seat, and by that step raised an universal as to hear of a small English vessel that ar- clamour, though I saw no company, and led rived at Calais with a prisoner of war, in such a solitary life, that nothing but excessive which I embarked with my companion, and love. could have supported my spirits: not another lady, who lived with me for some but that he gave me as much of his time as time afterwards; and, when we came on he could possibly spare from the necessary board, discovered that the ship was no other duties of paying and receiving visits, together than a light collier, and that her whole com- with the avocations of hunting, and other pany amounted to no more than three men. country amusements, which I could not parNevertheless, though the sea was so rough, take. Formerly, indeed, I used to hunt and and the weather so unpromising, that no shoot, but I had left off both; so that I was other boat would venture to put to sea, we now reduced to the alternative of reading set sail, and, between two storms, in about and walking by myself; but love made up for three hours arrived in safety in Dover. all deficiencies to me, who think nothing From hence my first companion went to else worth the living for! Had I been blessed her friends in the staoe-coach, while the with a partner for life, who could have loved other lady and I hired an open post-chaise sincerely, and inspired me with a mutual (though it snowed very hard) and without flame, I would have asked no more of fate. any accident performed our journey to Lon- Interest and ambition have no share in my don, where I met with my lover, who flew composition; love, which is pleasure, or to my arms in all the transports of impatient pleasure, which is love, makes up the whole. joy; and, doubtless, I deserved his affection, A heart so disposed cannot be devoid of for the hardships, perils, and difficulties I other good qualities; it must be subject to had undergone to be with him; for I never the impressions of humanity and benescrupled to undertake any thing practicable, volence, and an enemy to nothing but itself. in order to demonstrate the sincerity of what This you will give me leave to affirm in jusI professed. tice to myself, as I have frankly owned my In consequence of our plan, I assumed a failings and misconduct. fictitious name, and never appeared in public, Towards the end of summer, my heart 22* 26b0 SMOLLETT'S SELECT WORKS. was a little alarmed by a report that prevail- when he should be abroad. I was encouraed, of my lover's being actually engaged in a ged in this resolution by the advice of our treaty of marriage; however, I gave little Scots friend, who came about this time from credit to this rumour, till I was obliged to go London, on a visit to his fellow-traveller; to town about business, and there I heard we thought such an abrupt departure would the same information confidently affirmed. be less shocking than to stay and take a Though I still considered it as a vague sur- formal leave of my lover, whose heart was of mise, I wrote to him an account of what I such- a delicate frame, that, after I told him had hleard; and, in his answer, which is still I should one day withdraw myself in his abin rny possession, he assured me, with re- sence, he never came home from the chase, peated vows and protestations, that the re- or any other avocation, without trembling port was altogether false. Satisfied with with apprehension that I had escaped. this declaration. I returned to his house; After he had been some time accustomed and, though the tale was incessantly thunder- to these fears by my previous intimation, I ed in my ears, still believed it void of all at length decamped in good earnest, though foundation, till my suspicion was awakened my heart ached upon the occasion, because I oy a very inconsiderable circumstance. left him loving and beloved; for his affection One day, on his return from hunting, I was evident, notwithstanding the step he had perceived he had a very fine pair of Dresden taken by the advice and importunity of all ruffles on his shirt, which I could not sup- his relations, who laid a disagreeable repose he would wear at such a rustic exer- straint upon his inclinations, while they cise; and therefore my fears immediately consulted his interest in every other partook the alarm. When I questioned him ticular. about this particular of his dress, his colour While I halted in the next great town, changed; and though he attempted to elude until I could be supplied with fresh horses, I my suspicion, by imputing it to a mistake of was visited by a gentleman who had been his servant, I could not rest satisfied with formerly intimate with my lover; but a this account of the matter, but inquired into breach had happened in their friendship, and the truth with such eagerness and pene- he now came to complain of the treatment tration, that he could not deny he had been he had received. Perceiving that I was not to make a visit. By degrees, I even extort- in a humour to listen to his story, he shifted ed from him a confession, that he had en- the conversation to my own, and observed, gaged himself farther than he ought to have that I had been extremely ill used. I told proceeded, without making me acquainted him that I was of a different opinion; that with his design, though he endeavoured to it was not only just, but expedient, that a excuse his conduct, and pacify my dis- young man of Mr -'s fortune should think pleasure, by saying, that the affair would not of making some alliance to strengthen and be brought to bear for a great while, and support the interest of his family; and that perhaps might never come to a determi- I had nothing to accuse him of but his letting nation; but he was in great confusion, and me remain so long in ignorance of his inindeed hardly knew what he said. tention. He then gave me to understand, I would have quitted his house that that I was still ignorant of a great part of moment, had not he beforehand obtained a the ill usage I had received; affirming, that, promise that I would take no rash resolution while I lived in his house, he had amused of that kind, and put it out of my power to himself with all the common women in that procure any method of conveyance by which town, to some of whom this gentleman had I could make my retreat. I gave no vent to personally introduced him. reproaches, but only upbraided him with his At first, I could not believe this impuhaving permitted me to return in ignorance tation; but he supported his assertions with to the country, after I was once fairly gone; so many convincing circumstances, that I upon which he swore that he could not bear could no longer doubt the truth of them; the thoughts of parting with me. This de- and I felt so much resentment, that my love claration was a mystery at that timre; but I vanished immediately into air. Instead of have been since so fully satisfied of his proceeding in my journey to London, I went reasons for his conduct, that I heartily acquit back a considerable way, and sent a message him of all injustice to me; and indeed it is desiring to see him in a little house, about my sincere opinion, that, if ever young man midway between his own habitation and the deserved to be happy, he is certainly entitled town from whence I came. He obeyed my to that privilege: and, if I may be allowed summons, and appeared at the place appoint.. to judge, has a heart susceptible of the most ed, where I reproached him with great bit refined enjoyment. terness. He pleaded guilty to the charge, The violence of the grief and conster- so far as acknowledging that he had correnation which I suffered from this stroke sponded with other women lately, in order to having a little subsided, I deliberated with get the better of his affection for me, but the myself about the measures I should take, experiment had failed, and he found that he and determined to leave his house some day should be for ever miserable. ADVENTURES OF PER1EGRINE PICKLE. "L6! I did not look upon this candid confession i months I neither dined nor supped abroad as a sufficient atonement for his past dis- above twice; and then he knew where I was, simulation, and, in the sharpness of' my re- and approved of my company. But all this venge, demanded a settlement, which he pe- complacency and circumspection had no efremptorily refused; so that, for the present, feet upon his temper, which remained as cawe held each other in the utmost contempt. pricious and dissatisfied as ever. Nay, to Indeed, I afterwards despised myself for my such a provoking degree did this unhappy condescension, which was, owing to the ad- humour prevail, that one day, in the presence vice of my companion, supported and in- of his lawyer, he harangued upon my misflamed by the spirit of resentment. Never- conduct since our last re-union; and very theless, he begged that I would return to his freely affirmed, that every step I had taken house, or stay all night where I was: but I was diametrically opposite to his will. was deaf to his entreaties, and, after a great Conscious of the pains I had been at to deal of ironical civility on my side, I took please him, I was so incensed at these unmy leave, and went away; yet, before I set just invectives, that, starting up, I told him out, I looked back, and saw him on horse- he was a little dirty fellow; and would have back, with such an air of simplicity and left the house immediately, had not his truth, as called up a profound sigh, notwith- lawyer, and others, who were in the next standing all that had passed in our conver- room, interposed, and by dint of argument sation. and importunity diverted me from my purUpon my arrival in London, I took lodgings pose. By the by, I have been informed by a in Leicester-fields, and answered a letter person of rank, that my lord discovered exwhich I had some months before received actly the same disposition in his father's lifefrom my lord, telling him that I would go time, and only changed the subject of his home to him, without stipulating for any complaint from the word father to that of terms, to try what effect my confidence wife. Indeed he takes all opportunities of would have upon his generosity. He readily plaguing rny dear parent, as he has just saembraced the offer, and took a house in St gacity enough to know, that this is the most James's-street, where I proposed to comply effectual way he can take to distress me. with his humour in every thing that was con- After repeated trials, I have given up all sistent with my own peace and tranquillity. hopes of making him happy, or of finding Meanwhile, my lover passed his time very myself easy in my situation; and live with disagreeably in the country with his friend, him at present to avoid a greater inconveof whom (it seems) he had conceived some nience. Not that his ill-nature is all the jealousy, which was increased by a letter I grievance of which I complain; exclusive of wrote to that gentleman, till he was made the personal disgust 1 entertain for him, his acquainted with the contents, which he read folly is of that species which disobliges over forty times; and then his passion rather than diverts, and his vanity and affecbreaking out with more violence than ever, tation altogether intolerable; for he actually he not only expressed his feeling, in an believes himself, or at least would impose epistle which I immediately received, but, himself upon mankind, as a pattern of galwhen he came to town, suffered such agonies lantry and taste; and, in point of business, a of despair as I had never seen before, except person of infinite sagacity and penetration. in Lord B-. It was then in my power to But the most ridiculous part of his character have taken ample revenge upon him, as well is his pretended talent for politics, in which as upon my insolent rival, who had insisted he so deeply concerns himself, that he has upon my leaving his house in a very abrupt dismissed many a good servant, because he manner, though he absolutely refused to gra- suspected him of having wrong connections; tify her malice, for he was now disposed to a theme upon which he has often quarrelled do any thing for my satisfaction; but I knew with me, even almost to parting, accusing his worth, and had too much regard for his me with holding correspondence with the reputation to advise him to act inconsistent earls of B- and C-, and Mr H-Vwith his honour. though I never had the least acquaintance About this time, many tender feelings and with any of these gentlemen, except the sorrowful partings happened between us, till earl of C —, to whom I have not spoken;he marriage knot was tied, when he sent for these ten years past. me a bank note for a thousand pounds, by In short, I have often been at a loss to way of specimen (as he called it) of his know, whether he was more mad or malicifriendship, and of what he would do for me, ous in those fits of enthusiasm, wherein ne should I ever want his assistance. This seemed transported with zeal for the commonmark of his generosity I received in a most wealth, and tormented me with his admoni. tender billet, which I shall never part with, tions out of all temper and patience. At together with his picture set in diamonds. length, however, I contrived an expedient I now employed my thoughts in keeping which freed me from these troublesome ex.measures with my lord; we lay in the same postulations, and silenced him effectually on apartment, and for the first four or five the score of politics. This was no other 262 SMOLLETT'S SELECT WORKS. than an open avowal of being connected to banish all the company, beginning with with all those people whom I have named. Lord R - B-, who, as he walked up Indeed, I knew him too well to believe there stairs one evening, was stopped by a footwas any thing solid in his intention or pro- man, who plainly told him he had orders to fessions, even when he carried himself so say to him in particular, that his lordship far as to demand a private audience of the was not at home; yet the very next day, k —, in order to communicate a scheme perceiving that nobleman and me walking for suppressing the rebellion; and that being together in the park, he joined us with an denied, solicited the duke of D-'s inter- air of alacrity, as if no such thing had hapest, for permission to raise and head a regi- pened, and even behaved to Lord R — ment of Kentish smugglers; nay, to such a with the most fawning complaisance. His pitch did his loyalty soar, that he purchased deportment was equally absurd and impera firelock of particular mechanism, calculated tinent to the rest of his friends, who forsook for the safety of the bearer, in case he had us gradually, being tired of maintaining any been placed centinel at his majesty's door, friendly communication with such a disand kept his horses ready caparisoned, with agreeable composition of ignorance and arroa view of attending his sovereign to the gance. For my own part, I look upon him field. Notwithstanding all these pompous as utterly incorrigible; and, as fate hath subpreparations, had he been put to the proof, jected me to his power, endeavour to make he would have infallibly crept out of his en- the bitter draught go down, by detaching gagements, through some sneaking evasion, myself as much as possible from the suphis imagination being very fertile in such position that there is any such existence saving pretences. Yet he will talk some- upon earth. Indeed, if I had not fatal extimes so fervently, and even sensibly, on the perience to the contrary, I should be apt to subject, that a stranger would mistake him believe that such a character is not to be for a man of understanding, and determined found among the sons of men; because his zeal for the good of his country.. conduct is altogether unaccountkable by the Since my last return to his house, that act known rules and maxims of life, and falls of parliament passed, by which he was en- entirely under the poet's observation, when abled to pay his debts, and, among the rest, he says, thousand pounds of my contracting, the to y crcti Tis true, no meaning puzzles more than wit. only burden of that kind I ever entailed upon him, exclusive of my pin-money, which was Her ladyship having thus concluded her never regularly paid; nor would he have been story, to the entertainment of the company, subject to this, had he not, by his persecution and the admiration of Peregrine, who exand pursuit, exposed me to an extraordinary pressed his astonishment at the variety of expense. I have also had it in my power. to adventures she had undergone, which was reward some of my faithful Abigails; in par- such as he thought sufficient to destroy the ticular, to relieve from extreme distress that most hardy and robust constitution, and maid to whom (as I have already observed) therefore infinitely more than enough to Lord B — granted an annuity, which she overwhelm one of her delicate frame; one had sold;'so that she was reduced to the of the gentlemen present roundly taxed her most abject poverty, and I found her in a with want of candour, in suppressing some dismal hole, with two infants perishing for circumstances of her life which he thought want; a spectacle which drew tears from my essential in the consideration of her chaeyes, and indeed could not but make deep racter. impression upon a heart like mine, which She reddened at this peremptory charge, the misery of my fellow-creatures never which had an evident effect on the counfailed to melt. tenances of the whole audience, when the Nor did I upon this occasion forget the accuser proceeded to explain his imputation, attachment and fidelity of my other woman, by observing, that, in the course of her narMrs S —, who hearing I was robbed in my ration, she had omitted to mention a thousand passage through Flanders, had generously acts of uncommon charity, of which he himrelinquished the allowance I had settled upon self knew her to be guilty; and that she had her at parting. The exercise of such acts concealed a great many advantageous proof humanity and benevolence, and the plea- posals of marriage, which she might have sure of seeing my dear and tender parent accepted before she was engaged. often, in some measure alleviate the chagrin The company were agreeably undeceived to which I am subject from the disagreeable by this explanation; which her ladyship disposition of my lord, who, consistent with acknowledged in. very polite terms, as a comhis former inconsistency, upon our last re- pliment equally genteel and unexpected; and conciliation, cheerfully agreed to a proposal I our hero, after having testified the sense he mrade of having concerts in the house, and had of her cormnlaisance'and, condescension... even approved of the scheme with marks of in regaling him with a mark of her confiparticular satisfaction; but before one half dence< and - esteem, took. his ia~ve, and went of the winter was expired, he found means I home.in a state of contusion, anid perplexity; ADVENTURES OF PEREGRINE PICKLE. 263 for, from the circumstances of the tale he ion of fresh discoveries in the world of had heard, he plainly perceived, that her scandal. ladyship's heart was too delicate to receive Peregrine was now seized with a strange such incense, as he, in the capacity of an whim; and when he communicated the conadmirer, could at present pay; because, ceit to Cadwallader, it in a moment acquired though he had in some measure abridged the his approbation. This notion he imparted empire of Emilia in his own breast, it was in a proposal to subject the town to their not in his power to restrain it so effectually, ridicule, by giving responses in the character but that it would interfere with any other of a professed conjuror, to be personated by sovereign whom his thoughts should adopt; the old misanthrope, whose aspect was exand, unless Lady - could engross his tremely well calculated for the purpose. whole love, time, and attention, he foresaw The plan was immediately adjusted in all its that it would be impossible for him to sup- parts; an apartment hired in a house accomport the passion which he might have the modated with a public stair, so that people good fortune to inspire. He was, moreover, might have free ingress and egress, without deterred from declaring his love, by the fate being exposed to observation; and this teneof her former admirers, who seemed to have ment being furnished with the apparatus of a been wound up to a degree of enthusiasm, magician, such as globes, telescopes, a magic that looked more like the effect of en- lanthorn, a skeleton, a dried monkey, tochantment, than the inspiration of human gether with the skins of an alligator, otter, attractions; an ecstasy of passion which he and snake, the conjuror himself took possessdurst not venture to undergo. He therefore ion of his castle, after having distributed resolved to combat with the impressions he printed advertisements, containing the partihad already received, and, if possible, culti- culars of his undertaking. vate her friendship without soliciting her af- These bills soon operated according to the fection: but, before he could fix upon this wish of the projectors. As the price of the determination, he desired to know the foot- oracle was fixed at half-a-guinea, the public;ng on which he stood in her opinion; and, naturally concluded that the author was no by the intelligence of Crabtree, obtained in common fortuneteller; and the very next day, the usual manner, understood that her sen- Peregrine found some ladies of his quality timents of him were very favourable, though acquaintance infected with the desire of without the least tincture of love. He would makinf an experiment upon the skill of this have been transported with joy, had her new conjuror, who pretended to be just arthoughts of him been of a more tender tex- rived from the Mogul's empire, where he had ture; though his reason was better pleased learned the art from a Brachmin philosopher. with the information he received; in con- Our young gentleman affected to talk of the sequence of which he mustered up the ideas pretensions of this sage with ridicule and of his first passion, and set them in oppo- contempt, and with seeming reluctance sition to those of this new and dangerous undertook to attend them to his apartment, attachment; by which means he kept the observing that it would be a very easy matter balance in equilibrio, and his bosom tolerably to detect the fellow's ignorance, and no quiet more than common justice to chastise him for his presumption. Though he could easily perceive a great fund of credulity in the CHAPTER LXXXII. company, they affected to espouse his opinion, and, under the notion of a frolic, agreed that He persuades Cadwallader to assume the one particular lady should endeavour to baffle character of a magician, in which he his art, by appearing before. him in the dress acquires a great share of reputation, by of her woman, who should at the same time his responses to three females of dis- personate her mistress, and be treated as tinction, who severally consult the re- such by our adventurer, who promised to searches qf his art. squire them to the place. These measures being concerted, and the appointment fixed His heart being thus, as it were, suspended for the next audience day, Peregrine furnishbetween two objects that lessened the force ed his friend with the necessary information; of each other's attraction, he took this op- and when the hour of assignation arrived, portunity of enjoying some respite, and for conducted his charge to this oraculous seer. the present detached his sentiments from They were admitted by our hero's valetboth, resolving to indulge himself in the de-chambre, whose visage, being naturally exercise of that practical satire which was so meagre and swarthy, was adorned with artiagreeable and peculiar to his disposition. ficial whiskers; so that he became the PerIn this laudable determination he was con- sian dress which he wore, and seemed a very firmed by the repeated suggestions of his proper master of the ceremonies to an ori friend Cadwallader, who taxed him with let- ental necromancer. Having crossed his ting his talents rust in indolence, and stimu- arms upon his breasts, witn an inclination of atcd his natural vivacity with a success- the head, he stalked in solemn silence before 264 SMOLLETT'S SELECT WORKS. them into the penetralia of the temple, been acquired by some of those secret emis where they found the conjuror sitting at a saries whom such impostors are obliged to table, provided with pen, ink, and paper, employ for intelligence, or imparted by the divers books, and mathematical instruments, lover himself, who had, perhaps, come to and a long white wand lying across the consult him about the success of his amour. whole. He was habited in a black gown and Encouraged by this observation, or rather fur cap; his countenance, over and above a prompted by an insatiable curiosity, which double proportion of philosophic gravity, was proof against all sorts of apprehension, which he had assumed for the occasion, was the disguised lady returned to the magician's improved by a thick beard, white as snow, own apartment, and assuming the air of a that reached to his middle, and upon each pert chambermaid,-" Mr conjuror," said she, shoulder sat a prodigious large black cat, "now you have satisfied my mistress, will which had been tutored for the purpose. you be so good as to tell me, if ever I shall Such a figure, which would have startled be married." The sage, without the least Peregrine himself, had he not been concern- hesitation, favoured her with an answer, in ed in the mystery, could not fail to make an the following words.-" You cannot be marimpression upon those whom he accompa- ried before you are a widow: and whether nied. The fictitious chambermaid, in spite or not that will ever be the case, is a quiestion of all her natural pertness and vivacity, which my art cannot resolve, because my changed colour when she entered the room, foreknowledge exceeds not the term of thirty while the pretended lady, whose intellects years." were not quite so enlightened, began to This reply, which at once cut her off from tremble in every joint, and ejaculate petitions the pleasing prospect of seeing herself into heaven for her safety. Their conductor, dependent in the enjoyment of youth and advancing to the table, presented his offer- fortune, in a moment clouded her aspect; all ing, and, pointing to the maid, told him, that her good humour was overcast, and she went lady desired to know what would be her des- away, without further inquiry, muttering, in tiny in point of marriage. The philosopher, the rancour of her chagrin, that he was a without lifting up his eyes to view the person silly impertinent fellow, and a mere quack in in whose behalf he was consulted, turned his his profession. Notwithstanding the pre. ear to one of the sable familiars that purred judice of this resentment, her conviction upon his shoulder, and, taking up the pen, soon recurred; and when the report of his wrote upon a detached slip of paper these answers was made to those confederates by words, which Peregrine, at the desire of the whom she had been deputed to make trial of ladies, repeated aloud.-" Her destiny will, his skill, they were universally persuaded in a great measure, depend upon what hap- that his art was altogether supernatural, pened to her about nine o'clock in the though each affected to treat it with conmorning on the third day of last December." tempt, resolving in her own breast to have -This sentence was no sooner pronounced, recourse to him in private. than the counterfeit lady screamed, and ran In the mean time, the maid, though laid out into the antechamber, exclaiming,- under the most peremptory injunctions of "Christ have mercy upon us! sure he is the secrecy, was so full of the circumstance devil incarnate!" Hier mistress, who follow- which related to her own conduct, that she ed her with great consternation, insisted extolled his prescience, in whispers, to all upon knowing the transaction to which the her acquaintances, assuring them, that he response alluded; and Mrs Abigail, after had told her all the particulars of her life; so some recollection, gave her to understand that his fame was almost instantaneously that she had an admirer, who, on that very conveyed, through a thousand different hour and day mentioned by the cunning man, channels, to all parts of the town; and -the had addressed himself to her in a serious very next time he assumed the chair, his proposal of marriage. This explanation, doors were besieged by curious people of all however, was more ingenious than candid; sects and denominations. for the admirer was no other than the identi- Being an old practitioner in this art, Cadcal Mr Pickle himself, who was a mere wallader knew it would be impossible for dragon among the chambermaids, and in his him to support his reputation in the promisprevious information communicated to his cuous exercise of fortunetelling, because associate, had given an account of this as- every person that should come to consult signation, with which he had been favoured him would expect a sample of his skill relatby the damsel in question. ing to things past; and it could not be supOur hero seeing his company very much posed that he was acquainted with the priaffected with the circumstance of the wizard's vate concerns of every individual who might art, which had almost frightened both mistress apply to him for that purpose; he therefore and maid into hysteric fits, pretended to lauoh ordered his minister, whom he distinguished them out of their fears, by observing that by the name of Hadgi Rourk, to signify to there was nothing extraordinary in this in- all those who demanded entrance, that his stance of his knowledge, which might have price was half-a-guinea; and that all such as ADVENTURES OF PEREGRINE PICKLE. 265 were not disposed to gratify him with that pugnance, and, seating herself upon a settee, consideration, would do well to leave the after having cautiously informed herself of passage free for the rest. the privacy of the apartment, gave such a This declaration succeeded to his wish; detail of the succession of her lovers, as for this congregation consisted chiefly of amazed, while it entertained the necrofootmen, chambermaids,'prentices, and the mancer, as well as his friend Pickle, who, lower class of tradesmen, who could not from a closet in which he had concealed afford to purchase prescience at such a himself, overheard every syllable of her conprice; so that, after fruitless offers of shil- fession. Cadwallader listened to her story lings and half crowns, they dropped off one with a look of infinite importance and sagraby one, and left the field open for customers city, and, after a short pause, told her, that of a high rank. he would not pretend to give a categorical The first person of this species who ap- answer, until he should have deliberated mapeared was dressed like the wife of a sub- turely upon the various circumstances of the stantial tradesman; but this disguise could affair; but if she would take the trouble of not screen her from the penetration of the honouring him with another visit on his next conjuror, who at first sight knew her to be public day, he hoped he should be able to one of the ladies of whose coming he had give her full satisfaction. Conscious of the been apprised by Peregrine, on the supposi- importance of her doubts, she could not help tion that their curiosity was rather inflamed commending his caution, and took her leave, than allayed by the intelligence they had re- with a promise of returning at the appointceived from his first client. This lady ap- ed time: then the conjuror being joined by preached the philosopher with that intre- his associate, they gave a loose to their pidity of countenance so conspicuous in mirth, winch having indulged, they began to matrons of her dignified sphere, and in a concert measures for inflicting some disgracesoft voice asked, with a simper, of what ful punishment on the shameless and incomplexion her next child would be? The satiate termagant who had so impudently necromancer, who was perfectly well ac- avowed her own prostitution. quainted with her private history, forthwith They were interrupted, however, in their delivered his response in the following conference, by he arrival of a new guest, question, written in the usual form.-" How who being announced by Hadgi, our hero relong has Pompey, the black, been dismissed treated to his lurking place, and Cadwallader from your ladyship's service?" resumed his mysterious appearance. This Endued as she was with a great share of new client, though she hid her face in a mask, that fortitude which is distinguished by the could not conceal herself from the knowledge appellation of effrontery, her face exhibited of the conjuror, who by her voice recognized some signs of shame and confusion at the her to be an unmarried lady of his own acreceipt of this oracular interrogation, by quaintance. She had, within a small conlwhich she was convinced of his extraordinary pass of time, made herself remarkable for intelligence; and accosting him in a very two adventures, which had not at all sucserious tone,-" Doctor," said she, "I per- ceeded to her expectation: being very much ceive you are a person of great abilities in addicted to play, she had, at a certain route, the art you profess; and, therefore, without indulged that passion to such an excess, as pretending to dissemble, I will own you have not only got the better of her justice, but touched the true string of my apprehensions. also of her circumspection; so that she was I am persuaded I need not be more particular unfortunately detected in her endeavours to in my inquiries. Here is a purse of money; appropriate to herself what was not lawfully take it, and deliver me from a most alarming her due. This small slip was attended with and uneasy suspense." So saying, she de- another indiscretion, which had likewise an posited her offering upon the table, and wait- unlucky effect upon her reputation. She ed for his answer, with a face of fearful ex- had been favoured with the addresses of one pectation, while he was employed in writing of those hopeful heirs who swarm and this sentence for her perusal;-" Though I swagger about town, under the denomination see into the womb of time, the prospect is of bucks; and, in the confidence of hIis not perfectly distinct; the seeds of future honour, consented to be one of a party that events lie mingled and confused; so that I made an excursion as far as Windsor, thinkam under the necessity of assisting my di- ing herself secured from scandal by the vination in some cases, by analogy and company of another young lady, who had human intelligence; and cannot possibly also condescended to trust her person to the satisfy your present doubts, unless you will protection of her admirer. The two galcondescend to make me privy to all those lants, in the course of this expedition, were occurrences which you think might have said to use the most perfidious means to ininterfered with the cause of your appre- toxicate the passions of their mistresses, by hension." mixing drugs with their wine, which inflamed The lady having read the declaration, af- their constitutions to such a degree, that fected a small emotion of shyness and re- they fell an easy sacrifice to the appetites of 21 266 SMOLLETT'S SELECT WORKS. their conductors, who, upon their return to fortuneteller, whose talents he pretended to town, were so base and inhuman as to boast ridicule, incensed their itch of knowing among their companions of the exploit they secrets to such a degree of impatience, that had achieved. Thus the story was circulat- their curiosity became flagrant, and he took ed, with a thousand additional circumstances it for granted, that all or some of them would to the prejudice of the sufferers, one of whom visit Alburnazar on his very first visiting day. had thought proper to withdraw into the AWhile Peregrine was thus engaged, his ascountry, until the scandal raised at her ex- sociate made his appearance in another conpense should subside; while the other, who vocation of fashionable people, where he was not so easily put out of countenance, soon had the pleasure of hearing the conresolved to outface the report, as a treacher- juror brought upon the carpet by an elderly ous aspersion, invented by her lover as an ex- gentlewoman, remarkable for her inquisitive cuse for his own inconstancy; and actually disposition, who, addressing herself to Cadappeared in public, as usual, till she found wallader, asked, by the help of the fingerherself neglected by the greatest part of her alphabet, if he knew any thing of the ma.giacquaintance. cian that made such a noise in town? The In consequence of this disgrace, which misanthrope answered, as usual. in a surly she knew not whether to impute to the card tone:-" By your question you must either affair, or to the last faux pas she had com- take me for a pimp or an idiot. What, in mitted, she now came to consult the con- the name of nonsense, should I know of juror, and signified her errand, by asking such a rascal, unless I were to court his acwhether the cause of her present disquiet quaintance with a view to feast my own was of the town or country? Cadwallader, spleen, in seeing him fool the whole nation at once perceiving her allusion, answered out of their money; though, I suppose, his her question in these terms: —" This honest chief profits arise from his practice, in qual world will forgive a young gamester for indis- ity of pander. All fortunetellers are bawds, cretion at play, but a favour granted to a bab- and, for that reason, are so much followed by bling coxcomb is an unpardonable offence.". people of fashion. This fellow, I warrant, This response she received with equal as- has got sundry convenient apartments for the tonishment and chagrin; and, fully convinced benefit of procreation; for it is not to be of the necromancer's omniscience, implored supposed that those who visit him on the his advice, touching the retrieval of her re- pretence of consulting his supernatural art, putation: upon which he counselled her to can be such fiols, such drivellers, as to bewed with the first opportunity. She seemed lieve that lie can actually prognosticate fuso well pleased with his admonition, that she ture events." gratified him with a double fee, and, dropping The company, according to his expeca low curtsey, retired. tation, imputed his remarks to the rancour Our undertakers now thought it high time of his disposition, which could not bear to to silence the oracle for the day, and Hadgi think that any person upon earth was wiser was accordingly ordered to exclude all than himself; and his ears were regaled with comers, while Peregrine and his friend re- a thousand instances of the conjuror's newed the deliberations which had been in- wonderful prescience, for which he was alterrupted, and settled a plan of operations together indebted to fiction. Some of these for the next occasion: meanwhile it was re- specinnens being communicated to him by solved, that Hadgi should not only, exercise way of appeal to his opinion, "they are," his own talents, but also employ inferior said he, "mere phantomrns of ignorance and agents, in procuring general intelligence for credulity, swelled up in the repetition, like the support of their scheme; that the ex- those unsubstantial bubbles which the boys pense of this ministry should be defiayed blow up in soap-suds with a tobacco-pipe. from the profits of their professions; and the And this will ever be the case in the proremainder be distributed to poor families in pagation of all extraordinary intelligence: distress. the imagination naturally magnifies every object that falls under its cognizance, especially those that concern the passions of fear CHAPTER LXXXIII. and admiration; and when the occurrence comes to be rehearsed, the vanity of the Peregrine and his friend Cadwallader pro- relater exaggerates every circumstance in ceed in the exercise of the mystery of order to enhance the importance of the fortunetelling, in the course of which communication. Thus an incident, which is they achieve various adventures. but barely uncommon, often gains such accession in its progress through the fancies THesE preliminaries being adjusted, our hero and mouths of those who represent it, that forthwith repaired to a card assembly, which the original fact cannot possibly be diswas frequented by some of the most notable tinguished. This observation might be provgossips in town, and having artfully turned ed and illustrated by a thousand undeniable tihe conversation upon the subject of the examples, out of which I shall only select ADVENTURES OF PEREGRINE PICKLE. 267 one instance for the entertainment and edifi- much irritated, positively denied that he had cation of the company. A very honest gen- mentioned a brace:-" One, indeed," said tleman, remarkable for the gravity of his de- he, " I own I took notice of, upon the auportment, was one day in a certain coffee- thority of your own physician, who gave me house accosted by one of his particular an account of it this morning." "By the friends, who, taking him by the hand, ex- lord!" cried the sufferer, in a rage, which he pressed uncommon satisfaction in seeing him could no longer contain, "that rascal has abroad, and in good health, after the danger- been suborned by my rival to slander my ous and portentous malady he had under- character in this manner; but I'll be regone. Surprised at this salutation, the gen- venged, if there be either law or equity in tleman replied, it was true he had been a England." He had scarce pronounced these little out of order overnight, but there was words, when the doctor happened to enter nothing at all extraordinary in his indisposi- the room; when his exasperated patient, tion. "Jesu? not extraordinary?" cried the lifting up his cane,-" Sirrah," said he, "if other, "when you vomited three black I live, I'll make that black crow the blackest crows!" This strange exclamation the grave circumstance of thy whole life and convergentleman at first mistook for raillery, though sation." The physician, confounded at this his friend was no joker; but perceiving in address, assured him that he was utterly him all the marks of sincerity and astonish- ignorant of his meaning, and, when the other ment, he suddenly changed his opinion, and, gentleman explained it, absolutely denied the after a short reverie, taking him aside, ex- charge, affirming he had said no more than pressed himself in these words:-" Sir, it is that he had vomited a quantity of something not unknown to you that I am at present en- as black as a crow. The landlord of the gaged in a treaty of marriage, which would house acknowledged that he might have have been settled long ago, had it not been been mistaken; and thus the whole mystery retarded by the repeated machinations of a was explained." certain person who professed himself my The company seemed to relish the story rival. Now, I am fully persuaded that this of the three black crows, which they conaffair of the three crows is a story of his in- sidered as an impromptu of Cadwallader's vention, calculated to prejudice me in the own invention; but, granting it to be true, opinion of the lady, who, to be sure, would they unanimously declared that it could have not choose to marry a man who has a rookery no weight in invalidating the testimony of in his bowels; and therefore I must insist divers persons of honour, who had been witupon knowing the author of this scandalous nesses of the magician's supernatural skill. report, that I may be able to vindicate my On the next day of consultation, the necrocharacter from the malicious aspersion." mancer being in the chair, and his friend His friend, who thought the demand was behind the curtain, the outward door was very reasonable, told him, without hesitation, scarce opened, when a female visitant that he was made acquainted with the cir- flounced in, and discovered to the magician cumstances of his distemper by Mr Such-a- the features of one of those inquisitive ladies, one, their common acquaintance; upon whose curiosity, he knew, his confederate which the person who conceived himself in- had aroused, in the manner above described. jured, went immediately in quest of his sup- She addressed herself to him with a familiar posed defamer, and, having found him,- air, observing, that she had heard much of "Pray, Sir," said he, with a peremptory his great knowledge, and was come to be a tone, "who told you that I vomited three witness of his art, which she desired him to black crows?" "Three!" answered the gen- display, in declaring what he knew to be her tleman, "I mentioned two only." "Zounds! ruling passion. Sir," cried the other, incensed at his indif- Cadwallader, who was no stranger to hei ference, "you will find the two too many, if disposition, assumed the pen without hesiyou refuse to discover the villainous source tation, and furnished her with an answer, of such calumny." The gentleman, sur- importing, that the love of money predomi-. prised at his heat, said he was sorry to find nated, and scandal possessed the next place he had been the accidental instrument of in her heart. Far from being offended at giving him offence, but translated the blame his freedom, she commended his frankness (if any there was) from himself to a third with a smile; and, satisfied of his uncommon person, to whose information he owed his talents, expressed a desire of being better knowledge of the report. The plaintiff, ac- acquainted with his person; nay, she began cording to the direction he received, repaired to catechise him upon the private history ot to the house of the accused: and his indig- divers great families, in which he happened nation being inflamed at finding the story to be well versed; and he, in a mysterious had alreAdy circulated among his acquaint- manner, dropt such artful hints of his ance, he told him, with evident marks of knowledg'e, that she was amazed at his cadispleasure, that he was come to pluck that pacity, and actually asked if his art was same brac e of crows which lie said he had communicable. The conjuror replied in the disgorged. The defendant seeing him very affirumative; but, at the same time, gave her 23 268 SMOLLETT'S SELECT WORKS. to understand, that it was attainable by those "How dost do, old Capricorn thou seem'st only who were pure and undefiled in point to be a most venerable pimp, and, I doubt of chastity and honour, or such as, by a not, hast abundance of discretion. Here is long course of penitence, had weaned them- this young whoremaster (a true chip of the selves from all attachments to the flesh. old venereal block his father) and myself, She not only disapproved, but seemed to come for a comfortable cast of thy function. doubt the truth of this assertion; telling him, I don't mean that stale pretence of conjuring; with a look of disdain, that his art was not damn futurity; let us live for the present, worth having, if one could not use it for the old Haly. Conjure me up a couple of hale benefit of one's pleasure. She had even wenches, and, I warrant, we shall get into penetration enough to take notice of an the magic circle in a twinkling. What says inconsistency in what he had advanced; Galileo? What says the reverend Brahe and asked, why he himself exercised his Here is a purse, you pimp: hark, how it knowledge for hire, if he was so much de- chinks! this is sweeter than the music of the tached from all worldly concerns: —" Come, spheres." come, doctor," added she, "you are in the Our necromancer, perplexed at this renright to be cautious against impertinent countre, made no reply; but, taking up his curiosity; but, perhaps, I may make it worth wand, waved it round his head in a very your while to be communicative." mysterious motion, with a view of intimidatThese overtures were interrupted by a rap ing these forward visitants, who, far from at the door, signifying the approach of an- being awed by this sort of evolution, became other client; upon vwhich the lady inquired more and more obstreperous, and even for his private passage, through which she threatened to pull him by the beard, if he might retire, without the risk of being seen; would not immediately comply with their when she understood he was deficient in that desire. Had he called his associate, or even convenience, she withdrew into an empty Hadgi, to his aid, he knew he could have room adjoining to the audience chamber, in soon calmed their turbulence; but, being unorder to conceal herself from the obser- willingto run the risk of a discovery, or even vation of the new comer. This was no of a riot, he bethought himself of chastising other than the inamorata, who came by ap- their insolence in another manner, that would pointment to receive the solution of her be less hazardous, and rather more effectual. doubts; and the misanthrope, glad of an In consequence of this suggestion, he pointopportunity to expose her to the censure of ed his wand towards the door of the such an indefatigable minister of fame as the apartment in which the ladies had taken person who, he knew, would listen from the sanctuary; and the two rakes, understanding next apartment, laid her under the necessity the hint, rushed irt without hesitation. of refreshing his remembrance with a re- The females, finding their place of retreat capitulation of her former confession, which taken by assault, ran about the room in great was almost finished, when she was alarmed consternation, and were immediately taken by a noise at the door, occasioned by two prisoners by the assailants, who, pulling gentlemen, who attempted to enter by force. them towards the windows, opened the shutTerrified at this uproar, which disconcert- ters at the same instant of time, when, ed the magician himself, she ran for shelter strange to tell! one of the heroes discovered, into the place which was preoccupied by the in the prize he had made, the very wife of other lady, who, hearing this disturbance, his bosom; and his companion perceived had closed the window-shutters, that she that he had stumbled in the dark upon his might have the better chance of remaining own mother. Their mutual astonishment unknown. Here they ensconcedthemselves was unspeakable at this eclaircissement, in the utmost consternation, while the necro- which produced an universal silence for the mancer, after some recollection, ordered space of several minutes. During this pause Hadgi to open the door, and admit the rioters, the ladies having recollected themselves, an who, he hoped, would be overawed by the expostulation was begun, by the elder of the authority of his appearance. The janitor had two, who roundly took her son to task for his no sooner obeyed his instructions, than in disorderly life, which laid her under the disrushed a young libertine, who had been for agreeable necessity of watching his motions, some time upon the town, together with his and detecting him in such an infamous place. tutor, who was a worn out debauchee, well While the carefill mother thus exercised known to the magician. They were both in her talent for reprehension, the hopeful young that degree of intoxication necessary to pre- gentleman, with a hand in each fob, stood pare such dispositions for what they com- whistling an opera tune, without seeming to monly call frolics, and the sober part of man- pay the most profound regard to his parent's kind feel to be extravagant outrages against reproof; and the other lady, in imitation of the laws of their country, and the peace of such a consummate pattern, began to open their fellow-subjects. Having staggered up upon her husband, whom she bitterly re. to the table, the senior, who undertook to proached with his looseness and intempe-be spokesman, saluted Cadwallader with,- rance, demanding to know what he had to ADVENTURES OF PEREGRINE PICKLE. 269 allege in alleviation of his present mis- are concerned, howsoever cool, cautious, conduct. The surprise occasioned by such and deliberate, the disposition may otherwise an unexpected meeting, had already in a be, there is nothing so idle, frivolous, or abgreat measure destroyed the effects of the surd, to which they will not apply for enwine he had so plentifully drank; and the couragernentand gratification. The last ocfirst use he made of his recovered sobriety, currence, according to the hopes and exwas to revolve within himself the motives pectation of the confederates, was whisperthat could possibly induce his wife to give ed about by the ladies concerned, in such a him the rendezvous in this manner. As he manner, that the whole affair was, in a few had good reason to believe she was utterly days, the universal topic of discourse, in void of jealousy, he naturally placed this ren- which it was retailed with numberless emcountre to the account of another passion; bellishinents, invented by the parties themand his chagrin was not at all impaired by selves, who had long indulged a pique at the effrontery with which she now presumed each other. and took this opportunity of ento reprimand him. He listened to her, there- joying their revenge. fore, with a grave or rather grim aspect; These incidents, while they regaled the and to the question with which she conclud- spleen, at the same time augmented the reed her rebuke, answered, with great com- nown of the conjuror, who was described, posure,-" All that I have to allege, Madam, on both sides, as a very extraordinary person is, that the bawd has committed a mistake, in his way; and the alteration in his door in consequence of which we are both dis- was no sooner performed, than he had ocappointed; and so, ladies, your humble casion to avail himself of it, against the inservant." So saying, he retired with mani- trusion of a great many, with whom he fest confusion in his looks; and as he passed would have fbund it very difficult to support through the audience chamber, eyeing the the fame he had acquired. conjuror askance, pronounced the epithet Among those who appeared at his grate, of precious rascal, with great emphasis. he perceived a certain clergyman, whom he Meanwhile, the junior, like a dutiful child, had long known an humble attendant on the handed his mamma to her chair; and the great, and with some the reputed minister of other client, after having reviled the necro- their pleasures. This Levite had disguised mancer, because he could not foresee this himself in a great coat, boots, and dress quite event, went away in a state of mortifica- foreign to the habit worn by those of his tion. function; and, being admitted, attempted to The coast being clear, Peregrine came impose himself as a country squire upon the forth from his den, and congratulated his conjuror, who, calling him by his name, defriend upon the peaceable issue of the ad- sired him to sit down. This reception corventure which he had overheard; but, that responding with the report he had heard he might not be exposed to such incon- touching our magician's art, the doctor said venience for the future, they resolved, that a he would lay aside all dissimulation. After grate should be fixed in the middle of the having professed an implicit belief, that his outward door, through which the conjuror supernatural knowledge did not proceed from himself might reconnoitre all the visitants, any communication with evil spirits, but was before their admission; so that, to those the immediate gift of heaven, he declared whose appearance he might not like, Hadgi the intention of his coming was to inquire should, without opening, give notice, that into the health of a good friend and brother his master was engaged. By this expedient, of his, who possessed a certain living in the too, they provided against those difficulties country, which he named; and, as he was which Cadwallader must have encountered, old and infirm, to know what space of time in giving satisfaction to strangers, whom he was allotted to him in this frail state of mordid not know: for the original intention of tality, that he might have the melancholy the founders was to confine the practice of satisfaction of attending him in his last their art to people of fashion only, most of moments, and assisting him in his preparawhom were personally known to the counter- tions for eternity. feit magician and his coadjutors. The conjuror, who at once perceived the Indeed these associates, Cadwallader in purport of this question, after a solemn particular, notwithstanding his boasted in- pause, during which he seemed absorbed in sight into the characters of life, never contemplation, delivered this response to his imagined that his pretended skill would be consulter: —" Though I foresee some occurconsulted by any but the weaker minded of rences, I do not pretend to be omniscient. the female sex, incited by that spirit of curi- I know not to what age that clergyman's life osity which he knew was implanted in their will extend; but so far I can penetrate into nature; but, in the course of his practice, the womb of time, as to discern, that the inhe found himself cultivated in his preter- cumbent will survive his intended successor." natural capacity by people of all sexes, com- This dreadful sentence in a moment banished plexions, and degrees of reputation, and had the blood from the face of the appalled con occasion to observe, that, when the passions sulter, who, hearing his own doom pro 270 SMOLLETT'S SELECT WORKS. nounced, began to tremble in every joint; he was a piece of satisfaction he did not obtain lifted up his eyes in the agony of fear, and from the misanthrope, who, in order to saying,-" the will of God be done," with- punish his sordid disposition, gave him to drew in silent despondence, his teeth chat- understand that the physician had told him tering with terror and dismay. the truth, and nothing but the truth; and This client was succeeded by an old man that the young gentleman was in a fair way about the age of seventy-five, who being re- of attaining a comfortable old. age. "That solved to purchase a lease, desired to be de- is to say," (cried the client, in the impatience termined in the term of years by the necro- of his mortification at this answer) "bating mancer's advice, observing, that, as he had accidents; for, thank God, the annuitant does no children of his own body, and had no re- not lead the most regular life; besides, I am gard for his heirs at law, the purchase would credibly informed he is choleric and rash; be made with a view to his own convenience so that he may be concerned in a duel: then only; and therefore, considering his age, he there are such things as riots in the street, himself hesitated in the period of the lease, in which a rake's skull may be casually between thirty and threescore years. cracked; he may be overturned in a coach, The conjuror, upon due deliberation, ad- overset in the river, thrown from a vicious vised him to double the last specified term, horse, overtaken with a cold, endangered by because he distinguished in his features a surfeit; but what I place my chief consomething portending extreme old age and fidence in, is a hearty pox, a distemper second childhood, and he ought to provide which hath been fatal to his whole family. for that state of incapacity, which other- Not but that the issue of all these things is wise would be attended with infinite misery uncertain; and expedients might be found, and affliction. The superannuated wretch, which would more effectually answer the thunderstruck with this prediction, held up purpose. I know they have arts in India, his hands, and in the first transports of by which a man can secure his own interest, his apprehension, exclaimed,-" Lord have in the salutation of a friendly shake by the mercy upon me! I have n6t wherewithal to hand; and I don't doubt that you, who have purchase such a long lease, and I have long lived in that country, are master of the out-lived all my friends; what then must be- secret. To be sure, if you was inclined to come of me, sinner that I am, one hundred communicate such a nostrum, there are and twenty years hence!" Cadwallader, abundance of people who would purchase it (who enjoyed his terror) under pretence of at a very high price." alleviating his concern, told him that what Cadwallader understood this insinuation, he had prognosticated did not deprive him and was tempted to amuse him in such a of the means which he and every person had manner as would tend to his disgrace and in their power, to curtail a life of misfortune; confusion; but considering that the case was and the old gentleman went away, seemingly of too criminal a nature to be tampered comforted with the assurance, that it would with, he withstood his desire of punishing always be in his power to employ a halter this rapacious cormorant any other way than for his own deliverance. by telling him he would not impart the secret Soon after the retreat of this elder, the for his whole fortune ten times doubled; so magician was visited by one of those worthies that the usurer retired, very much dissatisfied known among the Romans by the appel- with the issue of his consultation. lation of haeredipetes, who had amassed a The next person who presented himself at large fortune by a close attention to the im- this alt:r of intelligence, was an author, mediate wants and weakness of raw unex- who recommended himself to a gratis advice, perienced heirs. This honourable usurer by observing, that a prophet and poet were had sold an annuity upon the life of a young known by the same appellation among the spendthrift, being thereto induced by the ancients; and that, at thb, day, both the one affirmation of his physician, who had assured and the other spoke by inspiration. The him his patient's constitution was so rotten, conjuror refused to own this affinity, which, that he could not live one year to an end: he said, formerly subsisted, because both he had, nevertheless, made shift to weather species of the vates were the children of eighteen months, and now seemed more fiction; but as he himself did not fall under vigorous and healthy than he had ever been that predicament, he begged leave to disown known; for he was supposed to have nourish- all connexion with the family of the poets; ed an hereditary pox from his cradle. Alarmed and the poor author would have been disat this alteration, the seller came to consult missed without his errand, though he offered Cadwallader, not only about the life of the to leave an ode as security for the magician's annuitant, but also concerning the state of fee, to be paid from the profits of his first his health at the time of his purchasing the third night, had not Cadwallader's curiosity annuity, purposing to sue the physician for prompted him to know the subject of this false intelligence, should the conjuror declare gentleman's inquiry. He therefore told him, that the young man was sound when the that, in consideration of his genius, he would doctor pronounced him diseased. But this for once satisfy him without a fee; and de ADVENTURES OF PEREGRINE PICKLE. 271 sired him to specify the doubts in which he fidels who pretend to despise their art, wished to be resolved. and Peregrine achieves an adventure The soon of Parnassus, glad of this con- with a young nobleman. descension, for which he thanked the necromancer, gave him to understand that he had BY these means, the whole variety of chasome time before presented a play in manu- racters, undisguised, passed, as it were, in script to a certain great man, at the head of review before the confederates, who, by taste, who had not only read and approved divers ingenious contrivances, punished the the performance, but also undertaken to in- most flagrant offenders with as much severity troduce and support it on the stage; that he as the nature of their plan would allow. (the author) was assured by this patron, that At length, they projected a scheme for the play was already (in consequence of his chastising a number of their own acquaintrecommendation) accepted by one of the ance, who had all along professed the utmost managers, who had faithfully promised to contempt for the talent of this conjuror, bring it to light; but that, when he waited which they endeavoured to ridicule in all on this same manager, to know when he in- companies, where his surprising art was the tended to put his production in rehearsal, subject of discourse; not that they had sense the man declared he had never seen or heard and discernment enough to perceive the abof the piece:-" Now, Mr conjuror," said he, surdity of his pretensions, but affected a "I want to know whether or not my play has singularity of opinion, with a view of insultbeen presented, and if I have any sort of ing the inferior understandings of those who chance of seeing it acted this winter." were deceived by such an idle impostor. Cadwallader, who had, in his younger Peregrine, indeed, for obvious reasons, days, sported among the theatrical muses, had always espoused their judgment in this began to lose his temper at this question, case, and joined them in reviling the public which recalled the remembrance of his own character of his friend: but he knew how far disappointments; and dispatched the author the capacities of those virtuosi extended, and with an abrupt answer, importing that the had frequently caught them in the fact of affairs of the stage were altogether without recounting their exploits against the conthe sphere of his divination, being entirely juror, which were the productions of their regulated by the demons of dissimulation, own invention only. On these consideraignorance, and caprice. tions, his wrath was kindled against them, It would be an endless task to recount and he accordingly concerted measures with every individual response which our magician his coadjutor, for overwhelming them with delivered in the course of his conjuration. confusion and dismay. He was consulted in all cases of law, physic, In the first place, a report was spread by and trade, over and above the ordinary his emissaries, that the magician had undersubjects of marriage and fornication; his taken to entertain their view with the appearadvice and assistance were solicited by ance of any person whom his customers sharpers, who desired to possess an infallible should desire to see, whether dead, or at the method of cheating unperceived; by fortune- distance of a thousand leagues. This extrahunters, who wanted to make prize of ordinary proposal chancing to be the subject widows and heiresses; by debauchees, who of conversation in a place where most of were disposed to lie with other men's wives; those infidels were assembled, they talked of by coxcombs, who longed for the death of it in the usual style, and some of them swore their fathers; by wenches with child, who the fellow ought to be pilloried for his prewished themselves rid of their burdens; by sumption. merchants, who had insured above value, Our hero, seizing this favourable opporand thirsted after the news of a wreck; by tunity, acquiesced in their remarks, and obunderwriters, who prayed for the gift of pre- served, with great vehemence, that it would science, that they might venture money upon be a meritorious action to put the rascal to such ships only as should perform the voyage the proof, and then toss him in a blanket for in safety; by Jews, who wanted to foresee the non-performance. They were wonderfully fluctuations of stock; by usurers, who ad- pleased with this suggestion, and forthwith vanced money upon undecided causes; by determined to try the experiment; though, clients, who were dubious of the honesty of as they understood the apparition would be their counsel: in short, all matters of un- produced to one only at a time, they could certain issue were appealed to this tribunal; not immediately agree in the choice of the and, in point of calculation, De Moivre was person who should stand the first brunt of utterly neglected. the magician's skill. While each of them severally excused himself from this preference on various pretences, Peregrine readily CHAPTER LXXXIV. undertook the post, expressing great confidence of the conjuror's incapacity to give The conjuror and his associate execute a him the least cause of apprehension. plan of vengeance against certain in- This poin being settled, they detached 23' 272 SMOLLETT'S SELECT WORKS. one of their number to Crabtree, in order to figure of an S. The motive being thrice bespeak and adjust the hour and terms of the performed, their ears were all of a sudden operation, which he insisted upon performing invaded by a terrible noise in the next room, at his own apartment, where every thing was accompanied with the voice of Peregrine, prepared for the occasion. At the appointed who exclaimed in a tone of horror and time, they went thither, in a body, to the amazement, —" Guard me, Heaven! my uncle number of seven, in full expectation of de- Trunnion!" This ejaculation had such an tecting the impostor; and were received with effect upon the hearers, that two of them such gloomy formality, as seemed to have an swooned with fear, a third fell upon his effect upon the countenances of some among knees, and prayed aloud, while the other them (though they were encouraged by the three, in a transport of dismay and distraction, vivacity of Pickle, who affected a double burst open the door, and rushed into the share of petulance, for the more effectual ac- haunted chamber, where they found the table complishment of his purpose). and chair overturned, and Peregrine extendCadwallader made no reply to the inter- ed (in all appearance) without sense or rogations they uttered, in the levity of their motion upon the floor. insolence, at the first entrance, but ordered They immediately began to chafe his Hadgi to conduct them through the next temples, and the first symptom of his recoroom, that they might see there was no pre- very which they had perceived was a hollow vious apparatus to affright their deputy with groan; after which he pronounced these objects foreign to his undertaking. They words:-" Merciful powers! If Ilive, I saw found nothing but a couple of wax tapers the commodore with his black patch, in the burning on a table that stood with a chair by very clothes he wore at my sister's wedding." it in the middle of the apartment, and re- This declaration completed their astonishturned to the audience chamber, leaving ment and terror; they observed a wildness Peregrine by himself, to encounter the in his looks, which he seemed to bend on phantom of that person whom they should something concealed from their view; and (without his knowledge) desire the magician were infected by his appearance to such a to conjure up to his view. pitch of superstition, that it would have been All the doors being shut, and the company an easy matter to persuade them that the seated, a profound silence ensued, together chair and table were apparitions of their with a face of dreadful expectation, encour- forefathers. However, they conducted Pereaged by the blue flame of the candles, which grine into the council-chamber, where the were tipt with sulphur for that purpose, and conjuror and Hadgi were employed in miheightened by the dismal sound of a large nistering to those who had fainted. The bell, which Hadgi tolled in the ante-chamber. patients having retrieved the use of their Cadwallader having thus practised upon their faculties, Cadwallader, assuming a double ignorance and fear, desired them to name portion of severity in his aspect, asked if the person to be produced. After some they were not ashamed of their former inwhispers among themselves, one of them credulity; declaring, that he was ready to took the pen, and, writing the name of Com- give them more convincing proofs of his art modore Trunnion upon a slip of paper, put upon the spot, and would immediately recall it into the hands of the magician, who rose three generations of their progenitors from from his seat, and, opening the door of his the dead, if they were disposed to relish such closet, displayed to their view a skull, with company. Then turning to one of them, thigh bones crossed, upon a table covered whose grandfather had been hanged,-" Are with black cloth. you," said he, "ambitious of seeing the first This melancholy spectacle made a remark- remarkable personage of your fainmily? say able impression upon the imaginations of the the word, and he shall appear." company, already prepossessed by the pre- This youth, who had been the most insolent vious ceremony; and they began to survey and obstreperous of the whole society, and one another with looks of consternation, was now depressed with the same proportion while Cadwallader, shutting himself in the of fear, alarmed at the proposal, assured the closet, that was contiguous to the chamber magician he had no curiosity of that sort in which his friend Peregrine was stationed, remaining; and that what he had already thrust the label with his uncle's name seen would (he hoped) have a good effect upon through a small chink in the partition, ac- his future life and conversation. Every one cording to agreement, muttering all the time of these heroes made an ackno\vledgement a sort of gibberish, that increased the panic and profession of the same kind, some of of his audience; then returning to his chair, which were attended with tears; and Hadgi the knell was tolled again, and Pickle called having provided chairs for the whole comnpaaloud,-" Damn your mummery, why don't ny, they departed exceedingly crest-fallen. you dispatch." Two of the number actually sickened with This was a signal to Crabtree, who was the agitation they had undergone, while our thus certified of his having received the hero and his associate made themselves paper, stood up and waved his wand in the merry with the success of their enterprise. ADVENTURES OF PEREGRINE PICKLE. 273 But this scheme of fortune-telling did not play for ready money; and his lordship engross his whole attention; he still con- having in vain tried his credit among the tinued to maintain his appearance in the company, our adventurer withdrew, leaving beau monde; and, as his expense far ex- him in an ecstasy of rage and disappointment. ceeded his income, strove to contract in- As the insolence of his behaviour had intimacies with people of interest and power; creased with his ill luck, and he had given he showed himself regularly at court, paid vent to divers expressions which Peregrine his respects to them in all places of public took amiss, our young gentleman resolved to diversion, and frequently entered into their augment his punishment, by teasing him parties, either of pleasure or cards. In the with demands which could not, he knew, be course of this cultivation, he happened, one immediately satisfied; and next day, sent evening, at a certain chocolate-house, to Pipes to his father's house with the note, overlook a match at piquet, in which he per- which was drawn payable upon demand. ceived a couple of sharpers making prey of The debtor, who had gone to bed half disa young nobleman, who had neither temper tracted with his misfortune, finding himself nor skill sufficient to cope with such anta- waked with such a disagreeable dun, lost all gonists. patience, cursed Pickle, threatened his messOur hero, being a professed enemy to all enger, blasphemed with horrible execrations, knights of industry, could not bear to see and made such a noise as reached the ears them cheat in public with such insolent au- of his father, who, ordering his son to be dacity. Under pretence of communicating called into his presence, examined him about some business of importance, he begged the the cause of that uproar, which had disturbed favour of speaking to the young gentleman the whole family. The young gentleman, in another corner of the room, and in a after having essayed to amuse him with friendly manner cautioned him against the sundry equivocations, which served only to arts of his opponents. This hot-headed re- increase his suspicion and desire of knowing presentative, far from thinking or owning the truth, acknowledged that he had lost himself obliged to Pickle for his good counsel, some money over night at cards, to a gamester looked upon his advice as an insult upon his who had been so impertinent as to send a understanding; and replied, with an air of message, demanding it that morning, though ferocious displeasure, that he knew how to he had told the fellow that it would not suit take care of his own concerns, and would him to pay it immediately. The father, who not suffer either him or them to bubble him was a man of honour, reproached him with out of one shilling. great severity for his profligate behaviour in Peregrine, offended at the association, as general, and this scandalous debt in partiwell as at the ingratitude and folly of this cular, which he believed to be some trifle; conceited coxcomb, expressed his resentment, then giving him a bank note for five hundred by telling him, that he expected at least an pounds, commanded him to go and discharge acknowledgement for his candid intention; it without loss of time. This well-principled but he found his intellects too much warped heir took the money; but, instead of waiting by his vanity to perceive his own want of upon his creditor, he forthwith repaired to capacity and experience. Inflamed by this the gaming-hduse, in hopes of retrieving his reproof, the young nobleman challenged him loss; and, before he rose from the table, saw to play for five hundred pounds, with many his note mortgaged for seven-eighths of its opprobrious, or at least contemptuous, terms value. of defiance, which provoked our hero to ac- Meanwhile Pickle, incensed at the treatcept the proposal. After the other had dis- ment which his servant had received, and engaged himself from the old rooks, who informed of his lordship's second loss, which were extremely mortified at the interruption, aggravated his resentment, determined to the two young champions sat down, and preserve no medium; and, taking out a writ fortune acting with uncommon impartiality, the same day, put it immediately in execution Pickle, by the superiority of his talents, in upon the body of his debtor, just as he stept two }hours won to the amount of as many into his chair at the door of White's chocothousand pounds, for which he was obliged late-house. The prisoner being naturally to take his antagonist's note, the sharpers fierce and haughty, attempted to draw upon having previously secured his ready money. the bailiffs, who disarmed him in a twinkling; Frantic with his loss, the rash young man and this effort served only to heighten his would have continued the game, and doubled disgrace, which was witnessed by a thousand stakes every time; so that Peregrine might people, most of whom laughed very heartily have increased his acquisition to ten times at the adventure of a lord's being arrested. the sum he had gained; but he thought he Such a public transaction could not long had already sufficiiently chastised the pre- escape the knowledge of his father, who that sumption of the challenger, and was unwill- very day had the satisfaction to hear that his ing to empower fortune to ravish from him son was in a spunging-house. In consethe fruits of his success: he therefore de- quence of this information, he sent his stewdined my lord's proposal, unless he would ard to learn the particulars of the arrest, and 2K 274 SMOLLETT'S SELECT WORKS. was equally offended, surprised, and concern- I was another proof of the young gentleman's ed, when he understood the nature of the benevolence, said, he would not fail to pay debt, which he imagined his son had already the utmost regard to his recommendation; discharged. Unwilling to pay such a con- and in six weeks a captain's commission was siderable sum for a spendthrift, whom he had actually signed for the brother of Emilia, who but too much indulged, and who in less than was very agreeably surprised at the intimaone week might involve himself in such an- tion he received from the war-office, though other difficulty, the old gentleman wrote a he was utterly ignorant of the canal through letter to Peregrine, representing what a hard- which he obtained that promotion. ship it would be upon him to forfeit such sums by the indiscretion of a son, whose engagements he was not bound to fulfil, and CHAPTER LXXXV. desiring some mitigation in his demand, as it was not a debt contracted for value re- Peregrine is celebrated as a wit and paceived, but incurred without subjecting him tron, and proceeds to entertain himself to the least damage or inconvenience. at the expense of whom it did concern. Our adventurer no sooner received this letter, than he went in person to wait upon IN the mean time, Peregrine flourished in the author, to whom he, in a candid manner, the gay scenes of life, and, as I have already related the particular circumstances of the observed, had divers opportunities of profitmatch, together with the ingratitude and au- ing in the way of marriage, had not his amdacity of his son, which he owned had stimu- bition been a little too inordinate, and his lated him to such measures as le otherwise heart still biassed by a passion, which all the would have scorned to take. The nobleman levity of youth could not balance, nor all the acknowledged that the revenge was hardly pride of vanity overcome. Nor was our hero adequate to the provocation, and condemned unmarked in the world of letters and taste: the conduct of his son with such justice and he had signalized himself in several poetical integrity, as disarmed Peregrine of his re- productions, by which he had acquired a good sentment, and disposed him to give an un- share of reputation: not that the pieces were doubted proof of his own disinterestedness, such as ought to have' done much honour to which he immediately exhibited, by producing his genius; but any tolerable performance the note, and tearing it to pieces, after hav- from a person of his figure and supposed foring assured his lordship that the writ should tune, will always be considered by the bulk be withdrawn, and the prisoner discharged of readers as an instance of astonishing cabefore night. pacity; though the very same production, The earl, who perfectly well understood ushered into the world with the name of an the value of money, and was no stranger to author in less affluent circumstances, would the characters of mankind, stood amazed at be justly disregarded and despised; so much this sacrifice, which Pickle protested was is the opinion of most people influenced and offered by his esteem for his lordship; and, overawed by ridiculous considerations. after having complimented hip upon his ge- Be this as it will, our young gentleman nerosity, in a very uncommon strain of enco- was no sooner distinguished as an author, mium. begged the favour of his acquaintance, than he was marked out as a patron by all and insisted upon his dining with him next the starving retainers to poetry; he was soday. The youth, proud of having met with lemnized in odes, celebrated in epigrams, and such an opportunity to distinguish himself, fed with the milk of soft dedication. His in less than an hour performed every article vanity even relished this incense; and, though of his promise; and in the morning was his reason could not help despising those that visited by the debtor, who came, by the ex- offered it, not one of them was sent away press order of his father, to thank him for unowned by his munificence. Ile began to the obligation under which he was laid, and think himself, in good earnest, that superior to ask pardon for the offence he had given. genius which their flattery had described;. This condescension was very glorious for he cultivated acquaintance with the wits of our hero, who graciously received his sub- fashion, and even composed in secret a nummission, and accompanied him to dinner, ber of bon mots, which he uttered in comwhere he. was caressed by the old earl with pany as the impromptus of his imagination. marks of particular affection and esteem. In this practice, indeed, he imitated some of Nor was his gratitude confined to exterior the most renowned geniuses of the age, who, civility; he offered him the use of his in- if the truth were known, have laboured in terest at court, which was very powerful, secret, with the sweat of their brows, for and repeated his desire of serving him so many a repartee which they have vended as pressingly, that Peregrine thought he could the immediate production of fancy and exnot dispense with the opportunity of assist- pression. He was so successfulf in this exing his absent friend Godfrey, in whose be- ercise of his talents, that his fame actually half he begged the influence of his lordship. came in competition with that great man The earl, pleased with this request, which who had long sat at the helm of wit; and, ADVENTURES OF PEREGRINE PICKLE. 275 in a dialogue that once happened between his security be liked, would accommodate them on the subject of a cork-screw, wherein him with the sum which he wanted to raise. the altercation was discharged, according to Before the hour of this double appointment, Bayes, slap for slap, dash for dash, our hero Pickle, with his friend Cadwallader, and a was judged to have the better of his lordship, few more gentlemen, to whom he had thought by some of the minor satellites, that com- proper to communicate the plan, went to the monly surround and reflect the rays of such coffee-house, and seated themselves near the mighty luminaries. place that was destined for their meeting. In a word, he dipped himself so far in these The hope of getting money had such an literary amusements, that he took the man- evident effect upon their punctuality, that agement of the pit into his direction, putting one of them arrived a considerable time behimself at the head of those critics who call fore the hour; and havin'g reconnoitred the themselves the town: and in that capacity room, took his station according to the di chastised several players, who had been ren- rection he had received, fixing his eye upon dcred insolent and refractory by unmerited a clock that stood before him, and asking of success. As for the new productions of the the bar-keeper if it was not too slow. He stage, though generally unspirited and in- had not remained in this posture many misipid, they always enjoyed the benefit of his nutes, when he was joined by a strange figure influence and protection: because he never that waddled into the room, with a bundle of disliked the performance so much as he sym- papers in his bosom, and the sweat running pathised with the poor author, who stood over his nose. Seeing a man in the box to behind the scenes in the most dreadful sus- which he had been directed, he took it for pense, trembling, as it were, on the very granted he was the lender: and as soon as brink of damnation; yet, though he extended he could recover his breath, which was almost his generosity and compassion 4o the humble exhausted by the dispatch he had made,and needy, he never let slip one opportunity " Sir," said he, " I presume you are the genof mortifying villainy and,rrogance. Had tleman I was to' meet about that loan." Here the executive power of the legislature been he was interrupted by the other, who eagerly vested in him, he would have doubtless de- replied, —"A. B., Sir, I suppose." "The vised a strange speies of punishment for all same," replied the last comer, " I was afraid offenders against humanity and decorum; I should be too late, for I was detained bebut, restricted as be was, he employed his yond my expectation by a nobleman in the invention in subjecting them to the ridicule other end of the town that wants to mortgage and contempt of their fellow subjects. a small trifle of his estate, about a thousand It was with this view he set on foot the a-year; and my watch happens to be in the scheme of conjuration, which was still hap- hands of the maker, having met with an acpily carried on, and made use of the intelli- cident a few nights ago, which set it asleep. gence of his friend Cadwallader: though he But, howsomever, there is no time lost, and sometimes converted this advantage to the I hope this affair will be transacted to the purposes of gallantry, being, as the reader satisfaction of us both. For my own part, I may have perceived, of a very amorous com- love to do good offices myself, and, thereplexion. He not only acted the reformer, fore, I expect nothing but what is fair and or rather the castigator, in the fashionable honest of other people." world, but also exercised his talents among His new friend was exceedingly comforted -the inferior class of the people, who chanced by this declaration, which he considered as a to incur his displeasure. happy omen of his success; and the hope of One mischievous plan that entered our fingering the cash operated visibly in his hero's imagination, was suggested by two countenance, while he expressed his satisadvertisements published in the same paper, faction at meeting with a person of such by persons who wanted to borrow certain candour and humanity. "The pleasure,' sums of money, for which they premised to said he, " of dealing with an easy consciengive undeniable security. Peregrine, from tious man is, in my opinion, superior to that the style and manner of both, concluded they of touching all the money upon earth; for were written by attorneys, a species of peo- what joy can be compared with what a geple for whom he entertained his uncle's aver- nerous mind feels in befriending its fellowsion. In order to amuse himself and some creatures! I was never so happy in my life, of his friends with their disappointment, he as at one time, in lending five hundred pounds wrote a letter, signed A. B., to each adver- to a worthy gentleman in distress, without tiser, according to the address specified in insisting upon rigid security. Sir, one may the newspaper, importing, that if he would easily distinguish an upright man by his come with his writings to a certain coffee- countenance. For example, now. I think house near the Temple, precisely at six in I could take your wora for ten thousand the evening, he would find a person sitting pounds." The other, with great joy, pro. In the right-hand box next to the window, tested that he was right in his conjecture, who would be glad to treat with hin; about and returned the compliment a thousand the subject of his advertisement; and, should fold: by which means the expectation of 276 SMOLLETT'S SELECT WORKS. both was wound up to a very interesting properly styled the temple of excess, where pitch; and both, at the same instant, began they left the choice of their fare to the disto produce their papers, in the untying of cretion of the landlord, that they might save which their hands shook with transports of themselves the pains of exercising their own eagerness and impatience; while their eyes reason; and, in order to avoid the trouble o were so intent upon their work, that they adjusting the bill, ordered the waiter to dedid not observe the occupation of each other. clare how much every individual must pay, At length, one of them, having got the without specifying the articles of the charge. start of the other, and unrolled several skins This proportion generally amounted to two of musty parchment, directed his view to guineas per head for each dinner and supper, the employment of his friend; and seeing and frequently exceeded that sum; of which him fumbling at his bundle, asked if that was the landlord durst not abate, without running a blank bond and conveyance which he had the risk of having. his nose slit for his modebrought along with him. The other, without ration. lifting'up his eyes, or desisting from his en- But this was puny expense compared with deavours to loose the knot, which by this that which they often incurred, by the damtime he had applied to his teeth, answered age done to the furniture and servants, in the this question in the negative, observing that madness of their intoxication, as well as the the papers in his hand were the security loss they sustained at hazard, an amusement which he proposed to give for the money. to which all of them had recourse in the proThis reply converted the looks of the in- gress of their debauches. This elegant diquirer into a state of infinite solidity, accom- version was introduced, encouraged, and panied with the word Anan; which he pro- promoted by a crew of rapacious sharpers, nounced in a tone of fear and astonishment. who had made themselves necessary comThe other, alarmed at this note, cast his eyes panions of this hopeful generation, by the towards the supposed lender, and was in a talents of pimping and buffoonery. Though moment infected by his aspect. All the ex- they were universally known, even by those ultation of hope that sparkled in their eyes they preyed upon, to have no other means of was now succeeded by disappointment and earning their livelihood, than the most indismay; and while they gazed ruefully at famous and fraudulent practices, they were each other, their features were gradually caressed and courted tL these infatuated elongated, like the transient curls of a Mid- dupes, when a man of honour, who would dle-row periwig. not join in their excesses, would have been This emphatic silence was however broken treated with the utmost indignity and con3y the last comer, who, in a faltering accent, tempt. desired the other to recollect the contents of Though Peregrine, in his heart, detested his letter. " Of your letter!" cried the first, those abandoned courses, and was a proputting into his hands the advertisement he fessed enemy to the whole society of gamehad received from Pickle; which he had no sters, whom he considered, and always treatsooner perused, than he produced his own ed, as the foes of human kind, he was infor the satisfaction of the other party: so sensibly accustomed to licentious riot, and that another gloomy pause ensued, at the end even led imperceptibly into play by those of which, each uttered a profound sigh or cormorants, who are no less dangerous in rather groan, and, rising up, sneaked off the art of cheating, than by their consumwithout further communication; he who mate skill in working upon the passions of' seemed to be the most afflicted of the two, unwary youth. They are, for the most part, taking his departure, with an exclamation of naturally cool, phlegmatic, and crafty; and, " humbugged, egad!" by a long habit of dissimulation, have gained Such were the amusements of our hero, an absolute dominion over the hasty passions though they did not engross his whole time, of the heart; so that they engage with manisome part of which was dedicated to noc- fest advantage over the impatience and imturnal riots and revels, among a set of young petuosity of a warm undesigning temper, noblemen, who had denounced war against like that of our young gentleman, who, when temperance, economy, and common sense, he was heated with wine, misled by examand were indeed the devoted sons of tumult, pie, invited on one hand, and defied on the waste, and prodigality. Not that Peregrine other, forgot all his maxims of caution and relished those scenes, which were a success- sobriety, and, plunging into the reigning ion of absurd extravagance, devoid of all true folly of the place, had frequent occasions to spirit, taste, or enjoyment: but his vanity moralize in the morning upon the loss of the prompted him to mingle with those who were preceding night. entitled the choice spirits of the age; and These penitential reflections were attended his disposition was so pliable, as to adapt with many laudable resolutions of profiting itselfeasily to the measures of his company, by the experience which he had so dearly where he had not influence enough to act in purchased; but he was one of those philosothe capacity of a director. Their rendez- phers vwho always put off, till another day, sous was at a certain tavern, which might be the commencement of their reformation. ADVENTURES OF PEREGRINE PICKLE. 277 gard to his aunt, as well as his friendship for CHAPTER LXXXVI. honest Jack, set out on horseback for their habitation, attended by Pipes, who longed to Peregrine receives a letter from Hatchway, see his old messmate; but, before he had in consequence of which he repairs to the reached the garrison, Mrs Hatchway had garrison, and performs the last qfflces to given up the ghost, in the threescore and his aunt. lie is visited by Mr Gauntlet, fifth year of her age. The widower seemed who invites him to his marriage. to bear his loss with resignation, and behaved very decently upon the occasion, though he IN this circle of amusements our hero's did not undergo those dangerous transports time was parcelled out, and few young gen- of sorrow, which some tender-hearted hustlernen of the age enjoyed life with greater bands have felt at the departure of their relish, notwithstanding those intervening wives. The lieutenant was naturally a phichecks of reason, which served only to whet losopher, and so well disposed to acquiesce his appetite for a repetition of the plea- in the dispensations of Provideuce, that in sures he so prudently condemned; when he this, as well as in every other emergency of received the following letter, by which he his life, he firmly believed, that every thing was determined to visit his estate in the which happened was for the best. country: Peregrine's task, therefore, was not so "COUSIN PICKLE,-I hope you are in a great in comforting him, as in consoling his better trim than your aunt, who hath been own sister, who, with great poignancy and fast moored to her bed those seven weeks by sincerity of grief, lamented the death of the several feet of under-water lodging in her only relation with whom she had maintained hold and hollop, whereby I doubt her planks any intimacy of correspondence; for her are rotted, so that she cannot choose but fall mother was as implacable as ever, in her to pieces in a short time. I have done all in enmity against her and Peregrine, and rather my power to keep her tight and easy, and more determined in her rancour; that which free from sudden squalls that might over- was originally a sudden transport of indignastrain her. And here have been the doctors, tion, being by this time settled into a conwho have skuttled her lower deck, and let firmed inveteracy of hate. As for Gam, who out six gallons of water. For my own part, was now dignified by the country people with I wonder how the devil it came there; for the appellation of the young squire, he still you know as how it was a liquor she never acted in the capacity of minister to the catook in. But as for these fellows the doc- price and vengeance of his mother, taking tors, they are like unskilful carpenters, that all opportunities of disturbing Julia's peace, In mending one leak make a couple; and so slandering her reputation, and committing she fills again apace. But the worst sign of outrages against the tenants and domestics all is this here,-she won't let a drop of of her husband, who was a man of a quiet nantz go betwixt the combings of her teeth, and timorous disposition. and has quite lost the rudder of her under- But the chief amusement of young Pickle, standing, whereby she yaws woundily in her in his latter years, was the chase, in which he speech, palavering about some foreign part acquired some renown by his intrepidity and called the New Geereusalem, and wishing remarkable figure, which improved every day herself in a safe birth in the river Geordun. in deformity; insomuch, as to suggest a luThe parson, I must say, strives to keep her dicrous scheme of revenge to a gentleman in steady, concerning the navigation of her soul, the neighbourhood. Having been affronted and talks very sensible of charity and the by the insolence of Crookback, he clothed a poor, whereof she hath left a legacy of two large baboon that was in his possession, in a hundred pounds in her will. And here has dress that resembled the hunting equipage ot been Mr Gamaliel and your brother my lord, Gain1 and ordering the animal to be set demanding entrance at the gate, in order to astride, and tied upon the back of his keenest see her; but I would not suffer them to come hunter, turned them out one day after the aboard, and pointed my patereroes, which hounds. The horse in a little time outstripmade them sheer off. Your sister, Mrs Clo- ping all the rest in the field, the rider was ver, keeps close watch upon her kinswoman, mistaken for Gam by the whole company, without ever turning in, and a kind-hearted who saluted him as he passed with a halloo, young woman it is. I should be glad to see observing, that the squire had his usual good you at the garrison, if the wind of your in- luck, in being better mounted than his neighclination sits that way; and mayhap it may bours. Pickle afterwards appearing in his be a comfort to your aunt, to behold you own person, created great astonishment in alongside of her, when her anchor is apeak. the spectators, one of whom asked if he had So no more at present, but rests your friend split himself in twain, and pointed out his and humble servant to command, representative, who was by this time almost " JOHN HATCAhWAY." up with the hounds: upon which the identical Next morning, after the receipt of this epis- Gam went in pursuit of the impostor. When tle, Peregrine, in order to manifest his re- he overtook him, he was so much enraged at 278 SMOLLETT'S SELECT WORKS. the counterfeit, that he attacked the baboon disrespect. He owned, indeed, he was not whip in hand, and, in all probability, would certain that she would appear in the same have sacrificed him to his resentment, had company with Pickle; but as she made no not he been prevented by the other fox- stipulations on that score, he would interpret hunters. They interposed, in order to make her silence in the most favourable manner, up the difference betwixt two brothers of the and keep her in ignorance of his design, sport, and were equally surprised and divert- until she should find it too late to retract ed, when they distinguished the quality of with any decency. The hope of seeing and Crookback's antagonist, which they rescued conversing with Emilia, and perhaps of being from his rage and reconveyed to its master. reconciled to her, after having suffered so Peregrine, at the request of his friend much and so long from her displeasure, Jack, took charge of his aunt's funeral, to raised a tumult of ideas in his breast, and which his parents were invited, though they produced a strange inquietude of joy and did not think proper to appear, or pay the perturbation. Gauntlet having staid with least regard to his solicitations, when he de- him a few days, and signified the time apsired permission to wait upon them in per- pointed for his espousals, took his leave, in son. Nevertheless, old Gamaliel, at the in- order to prepare for the occasion; while stigation of his wife, afterwards obtained an Peregrine, with his friend Hatchway, made order from Doctors' Commons, obliging a tour among his acquaintance in the counHatchway to produce the will of his wife, try, with a view of sounding their inclinaon the supposition that she had bequeathed tions touching a project which he had lately to him some part of the money, which, he conceived, of offering himself as a candidate knew, was at her own disposal. But from for a certain borough in the neighbourhood, this step he reaped no other satisfaction than at the ensuing election for members of parthat of finding himself altogether neglected liament. by the testatrix, who had left all her effects This scheme, which was suggested to him to her husband, except one thousand pounds, by one of his quality patrons, would have with her jewels, to Julia's daughter, the be- succeeded according to his wish, had the nefaction mentioned in the lieutenant's let- election taken place immediately; but, beter, and some inconsiderable legacies to her fore that happened, his interest was overfavourite domestics. balanced by some small accidents that will A few days after the interment of this good be recorded in the sequel. In the mean time lady, our hero was agreeably surprised with a he repaired to WTindsor on the eve of his visit from his friend Godfrey, who had come friend's marriage, and understood from Gotto England in consequence of that promotion frey that it was with the utmost difficulty he which he owed to his interest, though the and Sophy could prevail upon his sister to be soldier himself placed it to the credit of a present at the wedding, when she was incertain courtier who had formerly promised formed that her lover was invited; and that' to befriend him, and now finding his advance- her consent had not been obtained until they ment unowned, very modestly arrogated the had promised, on the part of Peregrine, that merit of it to himself. Hle communicated he should not renew the old topic, nor even his good fortune to Pickle, who compli- speak to her in the style of a former acmented him upon it as an event of which he quaintance. had no precognition; and at the same time Our young gentleman was nettled at this told him, that, in consequence of his prefer- preliminary, to which, however, he said he ment, his cousin at Windsor had consented would adhere; and so well did he think himto his being immediately united in the bands self fortified with pride and resentment, that of wedlock with his lovely Sophy; that the he resolved to behave towards her with such wedding day was already fixed; and that indifference, as would, he hoped, mortify her nothing would be wanting to his happiness, vanity, and thereby punish her for the imif Peregrine would honour the nuptials with placability of her disposition. Armed with his presence. these sentiments, he was next day introduced Our hero accepted the invitation with by Godfrey to the bride, who received him great eagerness, when he learned that Emilia with her usual sweetness of temper and afwould be there in quality of bride's-maid; fability; and Emilia being present, he saand now repeated what he had formerly luted her with a distant bow, which she acwritten to his friend, namely, that he was knowledged with a cold courtesy, and an not only willing, but extremely impatient, to aspect of ice. Though this deportment conatone for his mad behaviour to that young firmed his displeasure, her beauty undermined lady, by laying himself and his whole fortune his resolution; he thought her charms infiat her feet. Godfrey thanked him for his nitely improved since their last parting; and honourable intention, and promised to use a thousand fond images recurring to his his influence, and that of Sophy, in his be- imagination, he felt his whole soul dissolving half, though he seemed dubious of their suc- into tenderness and love. tess, on account of his sister's delicacy, In order to banish those dangerous ideas, qwhich could not pardon the least shadow of he endeavoured to enter into a gay conversa ADVENTURES OF PEREGRINE PICKLE. 279 tion with Sophy, on the subject of the ap- paired for dancing, and Peregrine began the proaching ceremony; but his tongue per- ball by walking a minuet with the bride; formed its office awkwardly, his eyes were then he took out the young lady to whom he attracted towards Emilia, as if they had been was recommended by Gauntlet, being very subject to the power of fascination; in spite well pleased to see that her person was such of all his efforts, a deep sigh escaped from as might have inspired even Emily herself his bosom, and his whole appearance indi- with jealousy, though, at the same time, he cated anxiety and confusion. perceived his mistress coupled with a gay The bridegroom, perceiving his condition, young officer, whom (with all due deference abridged the visit, and having conducted his to his own qualifications) he considered as companion to his own lodgings, expressed no despicable rival. IHowever, he himself his concern at having been the innocent oc- first began hostilities, by becoming all of a casion of his uneasiness, by exposing him to sudden particular with his partner, whom he the sight of Emilia, which he perceived had forthwith assailed with flattering compligiven him pain. Peregrine, who had by this ments, that soon introduced the subject of time recollected the dictates of his pride, as- love, upon which he expatiated with great sured him, that he was very much mistaken art and elocution, using not only the faculty in the cause of his disorder, which was no of speech, but also the language of the eyes, other than a sudden qualm, to which he had in which he was a perfect connoisseur., been for some time subject; and to show This behaviour soon manifested itself to him how philosophically he could bear the the whole assembly, the greatest part of disdain of Ernilia, which, with all deference whom believed that he was in good earnest to her conduct, he could not help thinking a captivitated by the charms of his partner; little too severe, he desired, as the bride- while Emilia, penetrating into his design, groom had made preparation for a private turned his own artillery upon himself, by ball in the evening, that he would provide seeming to listen with pleasure to the adhim with an agreeable partner; in which dresses of his rival, who was no novice in case he would exhibit undoubted proof's of the art of making love: she even affected the tranquillity of his heart. "' I was in uncommon vivacity, and giggled aloud at hopes," answered Godfrey, " of being able, every whisper which he conveyed into her with the assistance of Sophy, to make up ear, insomuch that she, in her turn, afforded matters between you and my sister, and for speculation to the company, who imagined that reason kept her unengaged to any other the young soldier had made a conquest of gentleman for the night; but since she was the bridegroom's sister. so peevishly obstinate, I shall care to ac- Pickle himself began to cherish the same cornmodate you with a very handsome young opinion, which gradually invaded his good lady, whose partner will not be sorry to ex- humour, and at length filled his bosom with change her for Emilia." rage. He strove to suppress his indignation, The thoughts of having an opportunity to and called every consideration of vanity and coquette with another woman, under the eye revenge to his aid: he endeavoured to wean of this implacable mistress, supported his his eyes from the fatal object that disturbed spirits during the ceremony which put Gaunt- him, but they would not obey his direction let in possession of his heart's desire; and, and command: he wished himself deprived by means of this cordial, he found himself of all sensation, when he heard her laugh, so undisturbed at dinner, though he sat op- and saw her smile upon the officer; and, in posite to his fair enemy, that he was able to the course of country-dancing, when he was pass some occasional jokes upon the new obliged to join hands with her, the touch married couple, with some appearance of thrilled through all his nerves, and kindled a mirth and good humour. Nor did Emily flame within him which he could not contain. any otherwise seem affected by his presence, In a word, his endeavours to conceal the than by excepting him from the participation situation of his thoughts were so violent, of those genial regards which she distributed that his constitution could not endure the to the rest of the company. This easiness shock; the sweat ran down his forehead in of behaviour on her side reinforced his reso- a stream, the colour vanished from his lution, by giving him pretence to call her cheeks, his knees began to totter, and his sensibility in question; for he could not con- eyesight to fail; so that he must have fallen ceive how any woman of acute feelings could at his full length upon the floor, had not he sit unmoved in presence of a man with whom retired very abruptly into another room, she had such recent and intimate connexion; where he threw himself upon a couch and not considering that she had much more fainted. reason to condemn his affectation of uncon- In this condition he was found by his cern, and that her external deportment friend, who, seeing him withdraw with such might, like his own, be an effort of pride symptoms of disorder, followed him thither; and resentment. and, when he recovered the use of his faculThis contest, in point of dissimulation, ties, pressed him to make use of a bed in continued till night, when the company was that house, rather than expose himself,ii 24 280 SMOLLETT'S SELECT WORKS the night air, by going home to his own of delirium, during which Pipes had found it lodgings; but not being able to prevail upon very difficult to keep him fast belaved. He him to accept the offer, he wrapped him up owned indeed to Godfrey, that his imagina. in a cloak, and, conducting him to the inn, tion had been haunted by the ideas of Emilia where he lodged, helped him to undress and and her officer, which tormented him to an go to bed, where he was immediately seized unspeakable degree of anguish and distracwith a violent fit of the ague. Godfrey be- tion; and that he would rather suffer death haved with great tenderness, and would have than a repetition of such excruciating reactually borne him company all night, not- flections. He was, however, comforted by withstanding the circumstances of his own his friend, who assured him, that his sister's situation, had not his friend insisted upon his inclinations would in time prevail over all returning to the company, and making his the endeavours of resentment and pride, apology to his partner for his sudden depar- illustrating this asseveration by an account ture. of the manner in which she was affected by This was a step absolutely necessary to- the knowledge of his disorder, and advising wards maintaining the quiet of the assembly, him to implore the mediation of Sophy, in a which he found in great consternation, oc- a letter which she should communicate to casioned by his absence; for some of the Emilia. ladies, seeing the bridegroom follow the This was an opportunity which our hero stranger in his retreat, the meaning of which thought too favourable to be neglected. they did not comprehend, began to be afraid Calling for paper, he sat up in his bed, and, of a quarrel. Emilia, upon pretence of that in the first transports of his emotion, wrote supposition, was so much alarmed, that she the following petition to Godfrey's amiable could not stand, and was fain to have re- wife. — course to a smelling-bottle. "DEAR MADAM,-The affliction of a conThe bride, who understood the whole mys- trite heart can never appeal to your benetery, was the only person that acted with volence in vain, and therefore I presume to deliberation and composure; she imputed approach you in this season of delight with Emilia's disorder to the right cause, which the language of sorrow, requesting that you was no other than concern for the condition will espouse the cause of an unhappy lover, of her lover, and assured the ladies there who mourns with unutterable anguish over was nothing extraordinary in Mr Pickle's his ruined hope, and intercede for my pardon going off, he being subject to fainting fits, by with that divine creature, whom, in the inwhich he was often overtaken without any temperance and excess of passion, I have so previous notice. The arrival of Gauntlet mortally offended. Good heaven! is my confirmed the truth of this declaration; he guilt inexpiable Am I excluded from all made an apology to the company in the hope of remission? Am I devoted to misery name of his friend, who, he told them, was and despair? I have offered all the atonement suddenly taken ill; and they returned to which the most perfect and sincere penitence their diversion of dancing, with this varia- could suggest, and she rejects my humility tion, Emilia was so disordered and fatigued, and repentance. If her resentment would that she begged to be excused from con- pursue me to the grave, let her signify her tinuing the exercise; and Peregrine's partner pleasure; and may I be branded with the being disengaged, was paired with the young name of villain, and remembered with infamy officer, for whom she was originally de- and detestation to all posterity, if I hesitate signed. one moment in sacrificing a life which is Meanwhile the bride withdrew into an- odious to Emilia. Ah! madam, while I thus o)ther apartment with her sister, and expos- pour forth the effusions of my grief and distulated with her upon her cruelty to Mr traction, I look around the apartment in Pickle, assuring her, from Godfrey's informa- which I lie, and every well-known object tion, that he had undergone a severe fit on that salutes my view, recalls to my rememher account, which, in all likelihood, would brance that fond, that happy day in which have a dangerous effect upon his constitu- the fair, the good, the tender-hearted Sophy tion. Though Emily was inflexible in her became my advocate, though I was a stranger answers to the kind remonstrances of the to her acquaintance, and effected a transportgentle Sophy, her heart was melting with ing reconciliation between me and that same the impressions of pity and love; and finding enchanting beauty, that is now so implacably herself unable to perform the duty of her incensed. If she is not satisfied with the function, in putting the bride to bed, she pangs of remorse and disappointment, the retired to her own chamber, and in secret transports of madness I have undergone, let sympathised with the distemper of her lover. her prescribe what farther penance she In the morning, as early as decency would thinks I ought to endure; and when I decline permit him to leave the arms of his dear wife, her sentence, let me be the object of her Captain Gauntlet made a visit to Peregrine, eternal disdain. who had passed a very tedious and uneasy " I commit myself, dear madam! dear night, having been subject to short intervals Sophy! dear partner of my friend! to your ADVENTURES OF PEREGRINE PICKLE. 281 Kind interposition. I know you will manage Godfrey, very much chagrined at the bad my cause, as a concern on which my hap- success of his endeavours, returned to his piness entirely depends; and I hope every friend, and made as favourable a report of thing from your compassion and beneficence, the affair as the nature of his conversation while I fear every thing from her rigour and with Emilia would permit; but as he could barbarity. Yes! I call it barbarity, a savage- not avoid mentioning her resolution in the ness of delicacy altogether inconsistent with close, Peregrine was obliged to drink again the tenderness of human nature; and may the bitter draught of disappointment, which the most abject contempt be my portion, if I put his passions into such a state of agitation, live under its scourge! But I begin to rave. as produced a short ecstasy of despair, in I conjure you by your own humanity and which he acted a thousand extravagances. sweetness of disposition, I conjure you by This paroxysm, however, soon subsided into your love for the man whom Heaven hath a settled reserve of gloomy resentment, lecreed your protector, to employ your in- which he in secret indulged, detaching himfluence with that angel of wrath, in behalf self as soon as possible from the company of your obliged and obedient servant, of the soldier, on pretence of retiring to rest. "P. PICKLE." While he lay ruminating upon the circumTnls epistie was Immediately transmitted stances of his present situation, his friend by Godfrey to his wife, who perused it with Pipes, who knew the cause of his anxiety, marks of the most humane sympathy; and, and firmly believed that Emilia loved his carrying it into her sister's chamber,- master in her heart, howsoever she might at"Here is something," said she, presenting tempt to disguise her sentiments; I say, the paper, " which I must recommend to your Thomas was taken with a conceit which he serious attention." Emilia, who immediately thought would set every thing to rights, and guessed the meaning of this address, ab- therefore put it in execution without farther solutely refused to look upon it, or even to delay. Laying aside his hat, he ran directly hear it read, till her brother, entering her to the house of Sophy's father, and, affectapartment, reprimanded her sharply for her ing an air of surprise and consternation, to obstinacy and pride, accused her of folly and which he had never before been subject, dissimulation, and entered so warmly into thundered at the door with such an alarming the interests of his friend, that she thought knock, as in a moment brought the whole him unkind in his remonstrances, and, burst- family into the hall. When he was admitted, ing into a flood of tears, reproached him he began to gape, stare, and pant at the with partiality and want of affection. God- same time, and made no reply when Godfrey, who entertained the most perfect love frey asked what was the matter, till Mrs and veneration for his sister, asked pardon for Gauntlet expressed her apprehensions about having given offence, and kissing the drops his master. When Pickle's name was menfrom her fair eyes, begged she would, for his tioned, he seemed to make an effort to speak, sake, listen to the declaration of his friend. and, in a bellowing tone, pronounced,Thus solicited, she could not refuse to "brought himselfup, split my topsails!" So hear the letter, which, when he had repeated, saying, he pointed to his own neck, and rose she lamented her own fate, in being the oc- upon his tiptoes, by way of explaining the casion of so much uneasiness, desired her meaning of his words. brother to assure Mr Pickle that she was not Godfrey, without staying to ask another a voluntary enemy to his peace; on the con- question, rushed out, and flew towards the trary, she wished him all happiness, though inn, with the utmost horror and concern; she hoped he would not blame her for con- while Sophy, who did not rightly understand sulting her own, in avoiding any future ex- the language of the,nessenger, addressing planation or connexion with a person whose herself to him a second time, said, with great correspondence she found herself under a earnestness,-"I hope no accident has hapnecessity to renounce. pened to Mr Pickle?" "No accident at In vain did the new-married couple ex- all," replied Tom, "he has only hanged him. haust their eloquence in attempting to prove, self for love." These words had scarce prothat the reparation which our hero had offer- ceeded from his mouth, when Emilia, who ed was adequate to the injury she had sus- stood listening at the parlour door, shrieked tained; that, in reconciling herself to a pe- aloud, and dropped down senseless upon the nitent lover, who subscribed to her own floor; while her sister, who was almost terms of submission, her honour would be equally shocked at the intelligence, had reacquitted by the most scrupulous and severe course to the assistance of her maid, by judges of decorum; and that her inflexibility whom she was supported from falling. would be justly ascribed to the pride and in- Pipes hearing Emily's voice, congratulated sensibility of her heart. She turned a deaf himself upon the success of the stratagem. ear to all their arguments, exhortations, and He sprung to her assistance, and, lifting her entreatib, and threatened to leave the house up into an easy chair, stood by her, until he immedia'ely, if they would not promise to saw her recover from her swoon, and heard.op that subject of discourse. her call upon his master's name, with all the 2 L 282 SMOLLETT'S SELECT WORKS. frenzy of despairing love. Then he bent his with such an abrupt account of your having course back to the inn, overjoyed at the op- done violence upon yourself." Peregrine, portunity of telling Peregrine what a con- confounded at this imputation, stood silent, fession he had extorted from his mistress, with a most savage aspect of surprise, eager and extremely vain of this proof of his own to know the circumstance to which his acsagacity. cuser alluded, and incensed to find it beyond In the mean time, Godfrey, arriving at the the sphere of his comprehension. house in which he supposed this fatal catas- While these two irritated friends stood trophe had happened, ran up stairs to Pere- fronting each other with mutual indignation grine's chamber, without staying to make in their eyes and attitudes, they were joined any inquiry below; and, finding the door by Pipes, who, without taking the least locked, burst it. open with one stroke of his notice of the situation in which he found foot. But what was his amazement, when, them, told his master, that he might up with upon entrance, our hero, starting up from the top-gallant masts of his heart, and out the bed, saluted him with a boisterous.ex- with his rejoicing pendants; for as to Mrs clamation of,-" zounds! who's there'" He Emily, he had clapped her helm a-weather, was struck dumb with astonishment, which the vessel wore, and now she was upon the also riveted him to the place where he other tack, standing right into the harbour stood, scarce crediting the testimony of his of his good-will. own senses, till Peregrine, with an air of Peregrine, who was not yet a connoisseur discontent, which denoted him displeased in the terms of his lacquey, commanded him,. with his intrusion, dispelled his apprehension upon pain of his displeasure, to be more ex. by a second address, saying,-" I see you plicit in his intelligence; and, by dint of consider me as a friend, by your using me divers questions, obtained a perfect knowwithout ceremony." ledge of the scheme which he had put in The soldier thus convinced of the false- execution for his service. This information hood of the information he had received, perplexed him not a little; he would have began to imagine that Pickle had projected chastised his servant upon the spot for his the plan which was executed by his servant; temerity, had lie not plainly perceived that and looking upon it as a piece of unjustifiable the fellow's intention was to promote his finesse, which might be attended with very ease and satisfaction; and, on the other melancholy consequence to his sister or hand, he knew not how to acquit himself of wife, he answered, in a supercilious tone, the suspicion which he saw Godfiey enterthat Mr Pickle must blame himself for the tained of his being the projector of the plan, interruption of his -repose, which was en- without condescending to an explanation, tirely owing to the sorry jest he had set on which his present disposition could not foot. brook. After some pause, however, turning Pickle, who was the child of passion, and to Pipes with a severe frown,-" Rascal," more than half mad with impatience before said he, "this is the second time I have sufhis visit, hearing himself treated in such a fered in the opinion of that lady, by your cavalier manner, advanced close up to God- ignorance and presumption; if ever you frey's breast, and assuming a stern, or rather intermeddle in my affairs for the future, withfrantic countenance,-" Hark ve, Sir," said out express order and direction, by all that's he, "you are mistaken if you think I jest; I sacred, I will put you to death without am in downright earnest, I assure you." mercy. Away, and let my horse be saddled Gauntlet, who was not a man to be brow- this instant." beaten, seeing himself thus bearded by a Pipes having withdrawn, in order to perperson of whose conduct he had, he thought, form this piece of duty, our young gentlereason to complain, put on his military look man, addressing himself again to the soldier, of defiance, and erecting his chest, replied and laying his hand upon his breast, said, with an exalted voice,-," Mr Pickle, whether with a solemnity of regard,-" Captain Gauntyou were in jest or earnest, you must give me let, upon my honour I am altogether inleave to tell you, that the scheme was child- nocent of that shallow device which you ish, unseasonable, and unkind, not to give it impute to my inventibn; and I don't think a harsher termn." "Death, Sir," cried our you do justice either to my intellect or adventurer,'"you trifle with my disquiet; if honour, in supposing me capable of' such inthere is any meaning in your insinuation, solent absurdity. As for your sister, I have explain yourself, and then I shall know what once in my life affronted her in the madness answer it will befit me to give." "I came and impetuosity of desire; but I have made with very different sentiments," resumed the such acknowledgements, and offered such soldier, "but since you urge me to expostu- atonement, as...w women of her sphere lation, and behave with such unprovoked would have ref ed; and, before God, 1 am loftiness of displeasure, I will, without.determined to dure every torment of discircumlocution, tax you with having com- appointment and despair rather thllan pros mitted an outrage upon the peace of my trate myself again to the cruelty oWher unfamily, in sending your fellow to alarm us justifiable pride." So saying, he stalked ADVENTURES OF PEREGRINE PICKLE. 283 suddenly down stairs, and took horse im- to make the best of his way to the garrison, mediately, his spirits being supported by re- while he himself crossed the country to a sentment, which prompted him to vow within market town, where he proposed to spend himself, that he would seek consolation for the night. the disdain of Emilia, in the possession of Tom, thus cautioned, proceeded with his the first willing wench he should meet upon charge, and, being naturally taciturn, opened the road. not his lips, until he had performed the best While he set out for the garrison with half of his journey. But Thomas, notwiththese sentiments, Gauntlet, in a suspense be- standing his irony appearance, was in reality tween anger, shame, and concern, returned composed of flesh and blood. His desire to the house of his father-in-law, where he being titillated by the contact of a buxom found his sister still violently agitated from wench, whose right arm embraced his middle the news of Peregrine's death; the mystery as he rode, his thoughts began to mutiny of which he fdrthwith unravelled, recounting against his master, and he found it almost at the same time the particulars of the con- impossible to withstand the temptation of versation which had happened at the inn, making love. and describing the demeanour of Pickle with Nevertheless, he wrestled with these resome expressions of asperity, which were bellious suggestions with all the reason that neither agreeable to Emilia, nor approved by heaven had enabled him to exert; and that the gentle Sophy, who tenderly chid him, for being totally overcome, his victorious passallowing Peregrine to depart in terms of mis- ion suddenly broke out in this address:understanding. "Sblood! I believe master thinks I have no more stuff in my body than a dried haddock, to turn me adrift in the dark with such a CHAPTER LXXXVII. spanker. D'ye think he dont, my dear'?" To this question his fellow-traveller replied,Peregrine sets out for the garrison, and "swanker, anan!" And the lover resumed meets with a nymph of the road, whom his suit, saying,-" oons! how yow tickle he takes into keeping, and metamor- my timber! something shoots fromyour arm, phoses into a fine lady. through my stowage, to the very keel-stone. Ha'nt you not quicksilver in your hand?" IN the mean time, our hero jogged along in "Quicksilver!" said the lady, "damn the a profound reverie, which was disturbed by a silver that has crossed my hand this month. beggar-woman and her daughter, who solicit- D'ye think, if I had silver, I shouldn't buy ed him for alms, as he passed them on the me a smock!" "'Adsooks! you baggage," road. The girl was about the age of sixteen, cried the lover, "you shouldn't want a smock and, notwithstanding the wretched equipage nor a petticoat neither, if you could have a in which she appeared, exhibited to his view kindness for a true-hearted sailor, as sound a set of agreeable features, enlivened with and strong as a nine-inch cable, that would the complexion of health and cheerfulness. keep all clear above board, and every thing The resolution I have already mentioned was snug under the hatches." "Curse your still warm in his imagination; and he looked gum," said the charmer, "what's your gay upon this young mendicant as a very proper balls and your hatchets to me? " "Do but object for the performance of his vow. He let us bring to a little," answered the wooer, therefore entered into a conference with the whose appetite was by this time whetted to a mother, and for a small sum of money pur- most ravenous degree, "and I'll teach you to chased her property in the wench, who did box the compass, my dear. Ah! you strapnot require much courtship and entreaty, be- per, what a jolly b- you are!"."B," fore she consented to accompany him to any exclaimed this modern Dulcinea, incensed at place that he should appoint for- her habita- the opprobrious term, " such a b as your tion. mother, you dog. Damn you, I've a good This.contract being settled to his satis- mind to box your jaws instead of your comefaction, he ordered Pipes to seat his acqui- piss. I'll let you know as how I am. meat sition behind him upon the crupper, and, for your master, you saucy blackguard. You alighting at the first public house which they are worse than a dog, you old flinty-faced, found upon the road, he wrote a letter to flea-bitten scrub: a dog wears his own coat, Hatchway, desiring him to receive this hedge but you wear your master's." inamorata, and direct her to be cleaned and Such a torrent of disgraceful epithets front clothed in a decent manner, writh all expedi- a person who had no clothes at all, converted tion, so that she should be touchable upon the gallant's love into choler, and he threatenhis arrival, which (on that account) he would ed to dismount and tie her to a tree, where defer for the space of one day. This billet, she should have a taste of his cat-o'-ninetogether with the girl, he committed to the tails athwart her quarters; but, instead of charge of Pipes, after having laid strong in- being intimidated by his menaces, she set junctions upon him to abstain from all at- him at defiance, and held forth with such a tempts upon her chastity, and ordered him flow of eloquence, as would have entitled he24' 284 SMOLLETT'S SELECT WORKS. to a considerable share of reputation, even allow) madle considerable progress in the among the nymphs of Billingsgate; for this study of character, from the highest rank to young lady, over and above a natural genius the most humble station of life, and found it for altercation, had her talents cultivated diversified in the same manner, through among the venerable society of weeders, every degree of subordination and precepodders, and hoppers, with whom she had dency: nay, he moreover observed, that the associated from her tender years. No conversation of those who are dignified with wonder, then, that she soon obtained a com- the appellation of polite company, is neither plete victory over Pipes, who (as the reader more edifying nor entertaining than that may have observed) was very little addicted which is met with among the lower classes to the exercise of speech: indeed he was of mankind; and that the only essential difutterly disconcerted by her volubility of ference, in point of demeanour, is the form tongue, and being altogether unfurnished of an education, which the meanest capacity with answers to the distinct periods of her can acquire, without much study or applicadiscourse, very wisely chose to save himself tion. Possessed of this notion, he determinthe expense of breath and argument, by ed to take the young mendicant under his giving her a full swing of cable, so that she own tutorage and instruction. In consemight bring herself up; while he rode on- quence of which, he hoped he should, in a wards, in silent composure, without taking few weeks, be able to produce her in compaany more notice of his fair fellow traveller, ny, as an accomplished young lady of than if she had been his master's cloak-bag. uncommon wit, and an excellent underIn spite of all the dispatch he could make, standing. it was late before he arrived at the garrison, This extravagant plan he forthwith began where he delivered the letter and the lady to to execute with great eagerness and industry; the lieutenant; who no sooner understood and his endeavours succeeded even beyond the intention of his fiiend, than he ordered his expectation. The obstacle, in surmountall the tubs in the house to be carried into ing which he found the greatest difficulty, the hall, and filled with water. Tom having was an inveterate habit of swearing, which provided himself with swabs and brushes, had been indulged from her infancy, and condivested the fair stranger of her variegated firmed by the example of those among whom drapery, which was immediately committed she had lived. However, she had the rudito the flames, and performed upon her soft Iments of good sense from nature, which and sleek person the ceremony of scrubbing, taught her to listen to wholesome advice, as it is practised on board of the king's ships and was so docile as to comprehend and reof war. Yet the nymph herself did not sub- tain the lessons which her governor recommit to this purification without repining. mended to her attention: insomuch, that he She cursed the director, who was upon the ventured, in a few days, to present her at spot, with many abusive allusions to his table among a set of country squires, to wooden leg; and as for Pipes, the operator, whom she was introduced as niece to the she employed her talons so effectually upon lieutenant. In that capacity she sat with his face, that the blood ran over his nose in becoming easiness of mien (for she was as sundry streams; and next morning, when void of the mauvaise honte as any duchess those rivulets were dry, his countenance in the land), bowed very graciously to the resembled the rough bark of a plumtree compliments of the gentlemen; and though plastered with gum. Nevertheless he did she said little or nothing, because she was his duty with great perseverance, cut off her previously cautioned on that score, she more hair close to the scalp, handled his brushes than once gave way to laughter, and her with dexterity, applied his swabs of different mirth happened to be pretty well timed. In magnitude and texture, as the case required; a word, she attracted the applause and adand, lastly, rinsed the whole body with a miration of the guests, who, after she: was dozen pails of cold water discharged upon withdrawn, complimented Mr Hatchway upher head. on the beauty, breeding, and good humour These ablutions being executed, he dried of his kinswoman. her with towels, accommodated her with a But what contributed more than any other clean shift, and, acting the part of a valet-de- circumstance to her speedy improvement. chambre, clothed her from head to foot, in was some small insight into the primer clean and decent apparel which had belonged which she had acquired at a day-school durto Mrs Hatchway; by which means her ap- ing the life of her father, who was a daypearance was altered so much for the better, labourer in the country. Upon this foundathat when Peregrine arrived next day, he tion did Peregrine build a most elegant sucould scarce believe his own eyes. He was, perstructure: he culled out choice sentences for that reason, extremely well pleased with from Shakspeare, Otway, and Pope, and his purchase, and now resolved to indulge a taught her to repeat them with an emphasis whim, which seized him at the very instant and theatrical cadence: he then instructed of his arrival. her in the names and epithets of the most He had (as I believe the reader will readily celebrated players, which he directed her to ADVENTURES OF PEREGRINE PICKLE. 285 pronounce occasionally, with an air of care- natural repartee, twanged off with the appelless familiarity; and perceiving that her lation of b --- and w -, which she revoice was naturally clear, he enriched it peated, with great vehemence, in an attitude vith remnants of opera tunes, to be hummed, of manual defiance, to the terror of her anduring a pause in conversation, which is ge- tagonist, and the astonishment of all present; nerally supplied with a circulation ofa pinch nay, to such an unguarded pitch was she of snuff. By mneans of this cultivation, she provoked, that, starting up, she snapt her became a wonderful proficient in the polite fingers, in testimony of disdain, and, as she graces of the age; she, with great facility, quitted the room, applied her hand to that comprehended the scheme of whist, though part which was the last of her that disap. cribbage was her favourite game, with which peared, inviting the company to kiss it, by she had amused herself in her vacant hours, one of its coarsest denoniinations. from her first entrance into the profession of Peregrine was a little disconcerted at this hopping; and brag soon grew familiar to her oversight in her behaviour, which, by the practice and conception. demon of intelligence, was in a moment Thus prepared, she was exposed to the conveyed to all the private companies in company of her own sex, being first of all town; so that she was absolutely excluded visited by the parson's daughter, who could from all polite communication, and Perenot avoid showing that civility to Mr Hatch- grine, for the present, disgraced among the way's niece, after she had made her public modest part of his female acquaintance, appearance at church. Mrs Clover, who many of whom not only forbade him their had a great share of penetration, could not houses, on account of the impudent insult help entertaining some doubts about this he had committed upon their honour, as well same relation, whose name she had never as' understanding, in palming a common trull heard the uncle mention, during the whole upon them, as a young lady of birth, and term of her residence at the garrison; but education; but also aspersed his family, by as the young lady was treated in that cha- affirming that she was actually his own racter she would not refuise her acquaintance; cousin-german, whom he had precipitately and, after having seen her at the castle, ac- raised from the most abject state of humility tually invited Miss Hatchway to her house. and contempt. In revenge for this calumny, In short, she made a progress through almost our, young gentleman explained the whole all the families in the neighbourhood; and mystery of her promotion, together with the by dint of her quotations (which by the by motives that induced him to bring her into were not always judiciously used), she pass- the fashionable world: and repeated among ed for a sprightly young lady of uncommon his companions the extravagant encomiums learning and taste. which had been bestowed upon her by the Peregrine having, in this manner, initiated most discerning matrons of the age. her in the beau monde of the country, con- Meanwhile, the infanta herself being reducted her to London, where she was provid- buked by her benefactor for this instance of ed with private lodgings and a female attend- misbehaviour, promised faithfuilly to keep a ant; and put her immediately under the stricter guard for the future over her conduct, tuition of his valet-de-chambre, who had and applied herself with great assiduity to orders to instruct her in dancing and the the studies in which she was assisted by the French language. He attended her to plays Swiss, who gradually lost the freedom of his and concerts three or four times a-week; heart, while she was profiting by his instrucand when our hero thought her sufficiently tion. In other words, she made a conquest accustomed to the sight of great company, of her preceptor, who yielding to the instigahe squired her in person to a public assem- tions of the flesh, chose a proper opportunity bly, and danced with her among all the gay to declare his passion, which was powerfully ladies of fashion; not but that there was still recommended by his personal qualifications; an evident air of rusticity and awkwardness and his intentions being honourable, she in her demeanour, which was interpreted in- listened to his proposals of espousing her in to an agreeable wildness of spirit, superior private. In consequence of this agreement, to the forms of common breeding. He after- they made an elopement together; and being wards found means to make her acquainted buckled at the Fleet, consummated their with some distinguished patterns of her own nuptials in private lodgings by the Seven sex, by whom she was admitted into the most Dials, from which the husband next morning elegant parties, and continued to make good sent a letter to our hero, begging forgiveness her pretensions to gentility, with great for the clandestine step he had taken, which circumspection. But one evening, being at he solemnly protested was not owing to any cards with a certain lady whom she detected abatement in his inviolable regard for his in the very fact of unfair conveyance, she master, whom he should always honour and'axed her roundly with the fraud, and brought esteem to his latest breath, but entirely to upon herself such a torrent of sarcastic re- the irresistible charms of the young lady, to proof, as overbore all her maxims of caution, whom he was now so happy as to be joined and burst open the floodgates of her own in the silken bonds of marriage. 286 SMIOLLETT'S SELECT WORKS. Peregrine, though at first offended at his cordiality, and made his obedience to his valet's presumption, was, upon second master, hied him home to his bride, to comthoughts, reconciled to the event, by which inunicate his happiness, cutting capers, and he was delivered from an incumbrance: for talking to himself all the way. by this time he had performed his frolic, and began to be tired of his acquisition. He reflected upon the former fidelity of the Swiss, CHAPTER LXXXVIII. which had been manifested in a long course of service and attachment; and thinking it He is visited by Pallet; contracts an intiwould be cruelly severe to abandon him to macy with a New-market nobleman; and poverty and distress for one venial trespass, is by the knowing-ones taken in. he resolved to pardon what he had done, and enable him in some shape to provide for the THIS affair being settled, and our adventurer, family which he had entailed upon himself. for the present, free of all female connexions, With these sentiments he sent a favour- he returned to his former course of fast livable answer to the delinquent, desiring to ing, among the bucks of the town, and persee him as soon as his passion should permit formed innumerable exploits among whores, him to leave the arms of his spouse, for an bullies, rooks, constables, and justices of the hour or two; and Hadgi, in obedience to this peace. intimation, repaired immediately to the lodg- In the midst of these occupations, he was ings of his master, befbre whom he appeared one morning visited by his old fellow-travelwith a most penitential aspect. Peregrine, ler Pallet, whose appearance gave him equal though he could scarce help laughing at his surprise and concern. Though the weather rueful length of face, reprimanded him sharply was severe, he was clothed in the thin for his disrespect and ingratitude, in taking summer dress which he had worn at Paris, that by stealth which he might have had for and was now not only thread-bare, but in asking. The culprit assured him, that, next some parts actually patched: his stockings, to the vengeance of God, his master's dis- by a repetition of that practice known among pleasure was that which, of all evils, he economists bythe term of coaxing, hung like dreaded to incur; but that love had distract- pudding-bags about his ancles; his shirt, ed his brain in such a manner, as to banish though new washed, was of the saffron hue, every other consideration but that of gratify- and in divers places appeared through the ing his desire; and he owned, that he should crannies of his breeches; he had exchanged not have been able to preserve his fidelity his own hair for a smoke-dried tie periwig, and duty to his own father, had they inter- which all the flour in his drudging-box had fered with the interest of his passion. He not been able to whiten; his eyes were sunk, then appealed to his master's own heart for his jaws lengthened beyond their usual exthe remission of his guilt, alluding to certain tension; and he seemed twenty years older circumstances of our hero's conduct, which than he looked when he and our hero parted evinced the desperate effects of love. In at Rotterdam. short, he made such an apology as extorted In spite of all these evidences of decay, a smile from his offended judge, who not he accosted him with a meagre affectation only forgave his transgression, but also pro- of content and good humour, struggling mised:to put him in some fair way of earning piteously to appear gay and unconcerned, a conifortable subsistence. professed his joy at seeing him in England, The Swiss was so much affected with this excused himself for having delayed so long instance of generosity, that he fell upon his to come and present his respects, alleging knees, and kissed his hand,prayingto heaven, that, since his return, he had been a mere with great fervour, to make him worthy of slave to the satisfaction of some persons of such goodness and condescension. His quality and taste, who had insisted upon his scheme, he said, was to open a coffeehouse finishing some pieces with the utmost expeand tavern in some creditable part of the dition. town, in hopes of being favoured with the Peregrine received him with that compasscustom of a numerous acquaintance he had ion and complaisance which was natural to made among upper servants and reputable his disposition; inquired about the health of tradesmen, not doubting that his wife would Mrs Pallet and his family, and asked if his be an ornament to his bar, and a careful friend the doctor was in town The painter manager of his affairs. Peregrine approved seemed to have resumed his resentment of the plan, towards the execution of which against that gentleman, of whom he spoke in he made him and his wife a present of five contemptuous terms. "The doctor," said hundred pounds, together with a promise of he, "is so much overshadowed with preerecting a weekly club among his friends, for sumption and self-conceit, that his merit has the reputation and advantage of the house. no relief. It does not rise. There is no Hadgi was so transported with his good keeping in the picture, my dear Sir. Ali fortune, that he ran: to Pipes, who was in the the same as if I were to represent the moon room, and having hugged him with great under a cloud; there will be nothing but a ADVENTURES OF PEREGRINE PICKLE. 281 deep mass of shade, with a little tiny speck town crowded into my house, in order to of light in the middle, which would only subscribe. But there I'was their humble serve to make, as it were, the darkness servant. Gentlemen, you must have a little visible; you understand me. Had he taken patience, till my own particular friends are my advice, it might have been better for served. Among that number, I do myself him; but he is bigoted to his own opinion. the honour to consider Mr Pickle. Here is You must know, Mr Pickle, upon our return a copy of' the proposals; and, if the list to England, I counselled him to compose a should be adorned with his name, I hope, little smart clever ode upon my Cleopatra. notwithstanding his merited success among As Gad shall judge me, I thought it would the young ladies, he will for once be shunned have been of some service, in helping him by that little vixen called Miss Fortune! out of obscurity; for you know, as Sir Ri- he, he, he!" chard observes, So saying, he bowed with a thousand Soon will that die, which adds thy fame apish congees, and presented his paper to to mine; PeregTine, who, seeing the number of subLet me then live, join'd to a work of scribers was limited to one hundred, said he thine; thought him too moderate in his expectaBy-the-by, there is a most picturesque con- tions, as he did not doubt that his picture trast in these lines, of thy and me, living would be a cheap purchase at five hundred, and dying, and thine and mine. Ah! a pize instead of fifty pounds, at which the price upon it! Dick, after all, was the man. was fixed. To this unexpected remark PalEcod! he rounded it off. But, to return to let answered, that among the connoisseurs this unhappy young man, would you believe he would not pretend to appraise his picture; it, he tossed up his nose at my friendly pro- but that, in valuing his works, he was obposal, and gabbled something in Greek, which liged to have an eye to the Gothic ignorance is not worth repeating. The case was this, of the age in which he lived. my dear Sir, he was out of humour at the Our adventurer saw at once into the nature neglect of the world. He thought the poets of this raffle, which was no other than a begof the age were jealous of his genius, and ging shift to dispose of a paltry piece, that strove to crush it accordingly, while the rest he could not otherwise have sold for twenty of mankind wanted taste sufficient to dis- shillings. However, far from shocking the cern it. For my own part, I profess myself poor man in distress, by dropping the least one of these; and as the clown in Billy hint of his conjecture, he desired to be Shakspeare says of the courtier's oath, favoured with six chances, if the circumhad I sworn by the doctor's genius, that the stances of his plan would indulge him so pancakes were naught, they might have been far; and the painter, after some hesitation, for all that very good, yet shouldn't J have condescended to comply with his request, been forsworn. Let that be as it will, he out of pure friendship and veneration; retired from town in great dudgeon, and set though he observed, that, in so doing,:he up his rest near a hill in Derbyshire, with must exclude some of his most intimate two tops, resembling Parnassus, and a well companions. Having received the money, at the bottom, which he had christened Hyp- he gave Pickle his address, desiring he o-the green. Egad! if he stays in that ha- would, with his convenience, visit the prinbitation,'tis my opinion he'll soon grow green cess, who, he was sure, would display her with the hip indeed. He'll be glad of an most engaging attractions, in order to captiopportunity to return to the flesh-pots of vate his fancy; and took his leave, extremely Egypt, and pay his court to the slighted well pleased with the success of his applicaQueen Cleopatra. Ha! well remembered, tion. by this light you shall know, my good Sir, Though Peregrine was tempted with: the that this same Egyptian princess has been curiosity of seeing this portrait, which he courted by so many gallants of taste, that, imagined must contain some analogy to the as I hope to live, I found myself in'some sort ridiculous oddity of the painter, he would'not of dilemma, because in parting with her to expose himself to the disagreeable alterone, I should have disobliged all his rivals. native of applauding the performance, conNow, a man would not choose to give offence trary to the dictates of conscience and comto his friends, at least I lay it down as a mon sense, or of condemning it, to the unmaxim, to avoid the smallest appearance of speakable mortification of the miserable ingratitude. Perhaps I may be in the wrong. author; *and therefore never dreamt of reBut every man has his way. For this turning the painter's visit: nor did he ever reason, I proposed to all the candidates, that hear of the lottery's being drawn. a lottery or raffle should be set on foot, by About this time he was invited to spend a which every individual would have an equal few weeks at the country seat of a certain chance for her good graces, and the prize be nobleman, with whom he had contracted an left to the decision of fortune. The scheme acquaintance in the course of his debauches, was mightily relished, and the terms being which we have already described. His lordsuch a trifle as half-a-guinea, the whole ship being remarkable for Iris skill and suc 288 SMOLLETT'S SELECT WORKS. cess in horse-racing, his house was continu- up, by which accident the victory was raally filled with the connoisseurs and admirers vished almost from his very grasp, and he of that sport, upon which the whole conver- was obliged to endure the damage and the sation turned, insomuch that Peregrine gra- scorn. dually imbibed some knowledge in horse- He was deeply affected with this misflesh, and the diversions of the course; for fortune, which he imputed to his own extrathe whole occupation of the day, exclusive vagance and temerity; but discovered no of eating and drinking, consisted in viewing, external signs of affliction, because his ilmanaging, and exercising his lordship's stud. lustrious partner bore his loss with the most Our hero looked upon these amusements philosophic resignation, consoling himself, with an eye of taste, as well as curiosity; as well as Pickle, with the hope of making he contemplated the animal as a beautiful it up on some other occasion. Nevertheless, and elegant part of the creation, and relished our young gentleman could not help admirthe surprising exertion of its speed with a ing, and even envying his equanimity, not refined and classical delight. In a little knowing that his lordship had managed mattime he became personally acquainted with ters so as to be a gainer by the misfortune; every horse in the stable, and interested him- which to retrieve, Peregrine purchased seself in the reputation of each; while he also veral horses, at the recommendation of his gratified his appetite for knowledge, in ob- friend; and, instead of returning to London, serving the methods of preparing their made a tour with him to all the celebrated bodies, and training them to the race. His races in England, at which, after several vilandlord saw and encouraged his eagerness, cissitudes of fortune, he made shift, before from which he promised himself some ad- the end of the season, to treble his loss. vantage; he formed several private matches But his hopes seemed to increase with his for his entertainment, and flattered his dis- ill luck. In the beginning of winter he cernment, by permitting him to be successful came to town, fully persuaded that fortune in the first bets he made. Thus was he art- must necessarily change, and that next fully decoyed into a spirit of keenness and season he should reap the happy fruits of his adventure, and disposed to depend upon his experience. In this confidence he seemed to own judgment, in opposition to that of people drown all ideas of prudence and economy. who had made horse-racing the sole study His former expense was mere parsimony, of their lives. He accompanied my lord to compared with that which he now incurred: Newmarket, and entering at once into the lie subscribed to the opera, and half a dozen genius of the place, was marked as fair game concerts at different parts of the town; was by all the knowing ones there assembled, a benefactor to several hospitals; purchased many of whom found means to take him in, a collection of valuable pictures; took a in spite of all the cautions and admonitions house, and furnished it in a most magnificent of his lordship, who wanted to reserve him taste, laid in a large stock of French wines, for his own use. and gave extravagant entertainments to his It is almost impossible for any man, let quality friends, who, in return, loaded him him be never so fearful or phlegmatic, to be with compliments, and insisted upon his an unconcerned spectator in this busy scene. making use of their interest and good will. The demon of play hovers in the air, like a pestilential vapour, tainting the minds of all present with infallible infection, which com- CHAPTER LXXXIX. municates from one person to another, like the circulation of a general panic. Pere- lie is taken into the protection of a great grine was seized with this epidemic dis- man; sets up for a member of parlia. temper to a violent degree; and, after having ment; is disappointed in his expectation, lost a few loose hundreds, in his progress and finds himself egregiously outwitted. through the various rookeries of the place, entered into partnership with his noble friend AMONG these professed patrons, the greatest in a grand match, upon the issue of which he part of whom Peregrine saw through, there ventured no less than three thousand pounds. was one great personage, who seemed to Indeed he would not have risked such a con- support with dignity the sphere in which forsiderable sum, had not his own confidence tune had placed him. His behaviour to been reinforced by the opinion and concur- Pickle was not a series of grinning cornrence of his lordship, who hazarded an equal plaisance in a flat repetition of general exbet upon the same event. These two asso- pressions of friendship and regard. He deciates engaged themselves in a penalty of meaned himself with a seemingly honest resix thousand pounds, to run one chaise-and- serve, in point of profession; his advances four against another, three times round the to Peregrine appeared to be the result of decourse; and our adventurer had the satis- liberation and experiment; he chid the young faction of seeing his antagonist distanced in gentleman for his extravagance, with the authe first and second heat; but all of a sudden, thority of a parent, and the sincerity of a one of the horses of his machine was knocked fast friend; and having, by gradual inquiries, ADVENTURES OF PEREGRINE PICKLE..289 made himself acquainted with the state of cers about town, and resolved to try the exhis private affairs, condemned his conduct pedient of a public advertisement. But he with an air of candour and concern. He was persuaded by my lord to postpone that represented to him the folly and dangerous experiment, until every other method should consequences of the profligate life in which have failed, because it would attract the athe had plunged himself, counselled him with tention of all the pettifoggers in London, great warmth to sell off his race-horses, who (though they might not be able to overwhich would otherwise insensibly eat him reach) would infallibly harass and tease him up; to retrench all superfluous expense, out of all tranquillity. which would only serve to expose him to the It was on the back of this conversation ridicule and ingratitude of those who were that Peregrine, chancing to meet the stewbenefited by it; to lay out his money upon ard near his lord's house, stopped him in the secure mortgages, at good interest; and street, to give him an account of his bad carry into execution his former design of luck; at which the other expressed some standing candidate for a borough, at the en- concern, and, rubbing his chin with his hand, suing election for a new parliament; in in a musing posture, told Pickle, there was a which case this nobleman promised to assist thought just come into his head, pointing him with his influence and advice; assuring out one way of doing his business effectually. him, that, if he could once procure a seat in The youth, upon this intimation, begged he the house, he might look upon his fortune as would accompany him to the next coffeealready made. house, in which having chosen a private Our adventurer, perceiving the wisdom situation, this grave manager gave him to and sanity of this advice, for which he made understand, that a part of my lord's estate his acknowledgements to his generous moni- was-mortgaged, in consequence of a debt tor, protested that he would adhere to it in contracted by his grandfather, for provision every particular, and immediately set about to the younger children of the family; and a reformation. He accordingly took cogni- that the equity of redemption would be forezance of his most minute affairs, and, after closed in a few months, unless the burden an exact scrutiny, gave his patron to under- could be discharged. "My lord," said he, stand, that, exclusive of his furniture, his "has always lived in a splendid manner, and fortune was reduced to fourteen thousand notwithstanding his ample fortune, together three hundred and thirty pounds, in bank and with the profits accruing from the posts he south-sea annuities, over and above the gar- enjoys, he saves so little money, that, upon rison and its appendages, which he reckoned this occasion, I know he will be obliged to at sixty pounds a-year. He therefore de- borrow ten thousand pounds to make up the sired, that as his lordship had been so kind sum that is requisite to redeem the mortgage. as to favour him with his friendship and ad- Now, certain I am, that, when his design vice, he would extend his generosity still comes to be known, he will be solicited on farther, by putting him in a way of making all hands by people desirous of lending the most advantage of his money. My lord money upon such undoubted security; and said, that, for his own part, he did not choose'tis odds but he has already promised the to meddle in money matters; that Mr Pickle preference to some particular acquaintance. would find abundance of people ready to However, as I know he has your interest borrow it upon land security; but that he very *much at heart, I will, if you please, ought to be extremely cautious in a trans- sound his lordship upon the subject, and in a action of such consequence; promising, at day or two give you notice of my success." the same time, to employ his own steward in Peregrine, ravished with the prospect of seeking out a mortgagor to whom it might settling this affair so much to his satisfaction, be safely lent. thanked the steward for his friendly hint and This agent was accordingly set at work, undertaking, which he assured him should be and for a few days made a fruitless inquiry: acknowledged by a more solid proof of his so that the young gentleman was obliged to gratitude, provided the business could be have recourse to his own intelligence, by brought to bear; and next day he was visited which he got notice of several people of re- by this kind manager, with the happy news puted credit, who offered him mortgages for of his lordship having consented to borrow the whole sum; but when he made a report ten thousand pounds of his stock upon mortof the particulars to his noble friend, his gage, at the interest of five per cent. This lordship started such doubts and objections information he received as an instance of relating to each, that he was deterred from the singular esteem of his noble patron; and entering into any engagements with the pro- the papers being immediately drawn and posers; congratulating himself, in the mean executed, the money was deposited in the time, on his good fortune, in being favoured hands of the rnortgagor, who, in the hearing with the advice and direction of such a sage of the lender, laid strong injunctions on his counsellor. Nevertheless, he began to be steward to pay the interest punctually at impatient, after having unsuccessfully con- quarter-day. sulted all the money-brokers and conveyan- The best part of our hero's fortune being 2 M :290 SMOLLETT'S SELECT WORKS. thus happily deposited, and the agent grati- profligate fellows, who, having squandered fled with a present of fifty pieces, he began to away their own fortunes, and conquered all put his retrenching scheme in execution; all sense of honour and shame, maintain themhis servants, Pipes excepted, were dis- selvesbyborrowing from those who have not charged, his chariot and running horses dis- yet finished the same career, and want resoposed of, his housekeeping broken up, and his lution to resist their importunate demands. furniture sold by auction: nay, the heat of To these he was always inflexible; though his disposition was as remarkable in this as he could not absolutely detach himself from any other transaction in his life; for every their company, because, by dint of effrontery, step of his saving project was taken with and such of their original connexions as such eagerness, and even precipitation, that they have been able to retain, they find admost of his companions thought he was mission to all places of fashionable resort. either ruined or mad. But.he answered all Several unsuccessful attacks had been their expostulations with a string of prudent made upon his pocket by beggars of this apophthegmrns, such as, "The shortest follies class. One of the most artful of them, are the best; better to retrench upon con- having one day joined him in the Mall, and viction than compulsion;" and divers other made the usual observation on the weather, wise maxims, seemingly the result of experi- damned all the fogs of London, and began a ence and philosophic reflexion. To such a dissertation on the difference of air, prefer: degree of enthusiasm did his present econo- ring that of the country in which he was born my prevail, that he was actually seized with to any climate under the sun. "Were you the desire of amassing: and as he every day ever in Gloucestershire?" said he to Perereceived proposals from those brokers whom grine, who replying in the negative, he thus he had employed, about the disposal of his went on: "I have got a house there, where I cash, he at length ventured fifteen hundred should be glad to see you. Let us go down pounds upon bottomry, being tempted by the together during the Easter holidays: I can excessive premium. promise you good country fare and wholeBut it must be observed, for the honour of some exercise; for I have every thing within our adventurer, that this reformation did not myself, and as good a pack of fox-hounds as at all interfere with the good qualities of his any in the three kingdoms. I shan't pretend heart; he was still as friendly and benevolent to expatiate upon the elegance of the house, as ever, though his liberality was more subject which, to be sure, is an old building; and to the restraint of reason; and he might these, you know, are generally cold, and not have justly pleaded, in vindication of his very convenient. But, curse the house; the generosity, that he retrenched the super- dirty acres about it are the thing; and a fluities in his own way of living, in order to damn'd fine parcel they are, to be sure. If preserve the power of assisting his fellow- my old grandmother was dead-she can't creatures in distress. Numberless were the live another season, for she's turned of fourobjects to which he extended his charity in score, and quite worn out: nay, as for that private. Indeed, he exerted this virtue in matter, I believe I have got a letter in my secret, not only on account of avoiding the pocket, giving an account of her being descharge of ostentation, but also because he paired of by the doctors. Let me see-No, was ashamed of being detected in such an d-n it, I left it at home, in the pocket of awkward unfashionable practice, by the cen- another coat." sorious observers of this humane generation. Pickle, who, from the beginning of this In this particular, he seemed to confound harangue, saw its tendency, seenmed to yield the ideas of virtue and vice; for he did good the most serious attention to what he said; as other people do evil, by stealth; and was breaking in upon it every now and then, so capricious in point of behaviour, that fre- with the interjections, hum! ha! the deuce! quently, in public, he wagged his tongue in and several civil questions, from which the satirical animadversions upon that poverty other conceived happy omens of success; till which his hand had in private relieved. Yet, perceiving they had advanced as far as the far from shunning the acquaintance, or dis- passage into St James's, the mischievous couraging the solicitations of those who, he youth interrupted him all at once saying, "I thought, wanted his assistance, he was al- see you are for the end of the walk; this is ways accessible, open, and complaisant to my way." With these words he took his them, even when the haughtiness of his leave of the saurterer, wvho would have detemper kept his superiors at a distance; and layed his retreat, by calling to him aloud, often saved a modest man the anguish and that he had not yet described the situation confusion of declaring himself, by penetrat- of his castle. But Peregrine, without stop. ing into his necessity, and anticipating his ping, answered in the same tone,-" another request, in a frank offer of his purse and time will do as well;" and in a moment disfriendship. appeared, leaving the projector much mortiNot that he practised this beneficence to fled with his disappointment; for his inall the needy of his acquaintance without tention was to close the description with a distinction; there is alwayvs a set of idle demand of twenty pieces, to be repaid out of ADVENTURES OF PEREGRINE PICKLE. 291 the first remittance he should receive from be placed to her account, provided he could his estate. find any person of credit who would join It would have been well for our hero, had with him in a bond for the assurance of the he always acted with the same circumspec- lender. This proviso was an obstruction tion: but he had his unguarded moments, in which the other would have not been able to which he fell a prey to the unsuspecting in- surmount, without great difficulty, had not tegrity of his own heart. There was a his cause been espoused by our hero, who person among the number of his acquaint- thought it was a pity a man of honour and ances, whose conversation he particularly understanding should suffer in his principal relished, because it was fiank, agreeable, concerns, on such a paltry consideration. and fraught with many sensible observations He, therefore, presuming on his acquaintupon the craft and treachery of mankind. ance, interposed in the conversation as a This gentleman had made a shift to dis- friend, who interested himself in the affair; cuss a very genteel fortune, though it was and, being fully informed of the particulars, spent with taste and reputation, and now he offered himself as a security for the lender. was reduced to his shifts for the maintenance This gentleman being a stranger to Pereof his family, which consisted of a wife and grine, was next day made acquainted with child. Not that he was destitute of the ne- his funds; and, without farther scruple, accessaries of life, being comfortably supplied commodated his friend with one thousand by the bounty of his friends; but this was a pounds, for which he took their bond payable provision not at all suited to his inclination; in six months, though he protested that the and he had endeavoured by divers unsuccess- money should never be demanded, until the ful schemes to retrieve his former indepen- infant should be of age, unless some accident dency. should happen which he could not then forePeregrine happened one evening to be see. Pickle believed this declaration sincere, sitting alone in a coffeehouse, where he over- because he could have no interest in dis. heard a conversation between this schemer sembling; but what he chiefly depended upand another gentleman, touching an affair on, for his own security, was the integrity that engaged his attention. The stranger and confidence of the borrower, who assured had been left trustee fbr fifteen hundred him, that, happen what would, he should be pounds bequeathed to the other's daughter by able to stand between him and all danger; an aunt, and was strongly solicited to pay the nature of his plan being such, as would the money to the child's father, who assured infallibly treble the sum in a very few him, he had then an opportunity to lay it out months. in such a manner as would greatly conduce In a little time after this transaction, writs to the advantage of his family. The trustee being issued out for electing a new parliareminded him of the nature of his charge, ment, our adventurer, by the advice of his which made him accountable for the money patron, went into the country, in order to until the child should have attained the Age canvass for a borough, and lined his pockets of eighteen; but at the same time gave him with a competent share of bank-notes for the to understand, that, if he could procure such occasion. But in this project he unfortusecurity as would indemnify him from the nately happened to interfere with theinterest consequences, he would forthwith pay the of a great family in the opposition, who, for legacy into his hands. To this proposal the a long series of years, had made members father replied, that it was not to be supposed for that place, and were now so much offendhe would risk the fortune of his only child ed at the intrusion of our young gentleman, upon any idle scheme or precarious issue; that they threatened to spend ten thousand and therefore he thought it reasonable, that pounds in frustrating his design. This menhe should have the issue of it in the mean ace was no other than an incitement to Petime; and that, as to security, he was loth to regrine, who confided so much in his own trouble any of his friends about an affair influence and address, that he verily believed which might be compromised without their he should be able to baffle his grace, even in interposition; observing, that he would not his own territories. By that victory he look upon his condescension as a favour, if hoped to establish his reputation and interest obtained by a security, on which he could with the minister, who, through the recomborrow the same sum from any usurer in mendation of his noble friend, countenanced town. his cause, and would have been very well After much importunity on one side, and pleased to see one of his greatest enemies evasion on the other, the moneyed gentleman suffer such a disgraceful overthrow, which told him, that, though he would not surrender would have, moreover, in a great measure, the sum deposited in his hands for the use of shaken his credit with his faction. his daughter, he would lend him what he Our hero, intoxicated with the ideas of should have occasion for, in the mean time; pride and ambition, put all his talents to tle and if, upon her being of'age, he should be able test, in the execution of this project. He to obtain her concurrence, the money should spared no expense in treating the electors, 25 292 SMOLLETT'S SELECT WORKS. out finding himself rivalled in this respect by scheme of politics to which he was sacrificed nis competitor, who was powerfully support- and, in conclusion, swore he would not give ed, he had recourse to those qualifications in up the fruits of his own address for the which he thought himself superior. He pleasure of any minister upon earth. This made balls for the ladies, visited the matrons laudable resolution, however, was rendered of the corporation, adapted himself to their ineffectual by his friend the receiver-general, various humours with surprising facility, who was bearer of the message, and (after drank with those who loved a cherishing cup having in vain endeavoured to persuade him in private, made love to the amorous, prayed to submission) fairly arrested him upon the with the religious, gossipped with those who spot for the money he had advanced; this delighted in scandal, and with great sagacity expedient being performed by virtue of a contrived agreeable presents to them all. writ which he had been advised to take out in This was the most effectual method of en- case the young man should prove refractory. gaging such electors as were under the in- The reader, who by this time must be fluence of their wives. As for the rest, he pretty well acquainted with the disposition assailed them in their own way, setting whole of our hero, may easily conceive how he rehogsheads of beer and wine abroach, for the lished this adventure. At first, all the faculbenefit of all comers; and into those sordid ties of his soul were swallowed up in astonhearts that liquor would not open, he found ishment and indignation; and some minutes means to convey himself by the help of a elapsed before his nerves would obey the imgolden key. pulse of his rage, which manifested itself in While he thus exerted himself, his anta- such an application to the temples of the gonist was not idle. His age and infirmities plaintiff, as laid him sprawling on the floor. would not permit him to enter personally in- This assault, which was committed in a to their parties; but his stewards and ad- tavern, whither he had been purposely deherents bestirred themselves with great in- coyed, attracted the regard of the bailiff and dustry and perseverance. The market for his followers, who, to the number of four, votes ran so high, that Pickle's ready money rushed upon him at once, in order to overwas exhausted before the day of election, power him: but his wrath inspired him with and he was obliged to write to his patron an such additional strength and agility, that he account of the dilemma to which he was re- disengaged himself from them in a trice, duced, entreating him to take such speedy and, seizing a poker, which was the first measures as would enable him to finish the weapon that presented itself to his hand, business which he had so happily begun. exercised it upon their skulls with incredible This nobleman communicated the circum- dexterity and execution. The officer himstances of the case to the minister, and in a self, who had been the first that presumed day or two our candidate found credit with to lay violent hands upon him, felt the first the receiver-general of the county, who lent effects of his fury in a blow upon the jaws, him twelve hundred pounds on his personal in onsequence of which he lost three of hit note, payable on demand. By means of this tedh, and fell athwart the body of the re. new supply he managed matters so success- ceiver, with which he formed the figure of a fully, that an evident majority of votes was St Andrew's cross; one of his myrmidons, secured in his interest; and nothing could seeing the fate of his chief, would not venture have obstructed his election, had not the to attack the victor in front, but, wheeling to noble peer who set up his competitor, in one side, made an attempt upon him in flank, order to avoid the shame and mortification and was received obliquely by our hero's left of being foiled in his own borough, offered to hand and foot, so masterly disposed to the compromise the affair with his honour, by right side of his leg, and the left side of his giving up two members in another place, neck, that he bolted head foremost into the provided the opposition should cease in his chimney, where his chin was encountered by own corporation. the grate, which in a moment seared him to This proposal was greedily embraced. On the bone. The rest of the detachment did the eve of the election, Peregrine received not think proper to maintain the dispute, but, an intimation from his patron, desiring him evacuating the room with great expedition, to quit his pretensions, on pain of his and the locked the door on the outside, and bellowed minister's displeasure, and promising that he aloud to the receiver's servants, beseeching should be elected for another place. them to come to the assistance of their No other disappointment in life could have master, who was in danger of his life. given him such chagrin as he felt at the re- Meanwhile, this gentleman having recolceipt of this tantalizing order, by which the lected himself, demanded a parley; which cup of success was snatched from his lip, having with difficulty obtained of our incensand all the vanity of his ambitious hope ed candidate, in consequence of the most humbled in the dust. He cursed the whole submissive application, he complained grievchain of his court connexions, inveighed ously of the young gentleman's intemperance with great animosity against the rascally and heat of disposition, and very calmly re. ADVENTURES OF PEREGRINE PICKLE. 293 presented the danger of his rashness and indlscretion. He told him, that nothing CHAPTER XC. could be more outrageous or idle, than the resistance he had made against the laws of Peregrine commences Minister's depen. his country, because he would find it im- dent; meets by accident with Mrs Gaunt. practicable to withstand the whole executive let; and descends gradually in the conpower of the country, which he could easily dition of life. raise to apprehend and secure'him; that, over and above the disgrace that would THIS reception, favourable as itwas, did not accrue to him from this imprudent conduct, please Peregrine, who had too much discernhe would knock his own interest on the ment to be cajoled with general promises, at head, by disobliging his friends in the admin- a time when he thought himself entitled to istration, who were, to his knowledge, at the most particular assurance. He accordpresent very well disposed to do him service; ingly signified his disgust to his introductor, that, for his own part, what he had done was giving him to understand, that he had laid by the express order of his superior, and not his account with being chosen representative out of any desire of distressing him; and of one of those boroughs for which he had that, far from being his enemy notwithstand- been sacrificed. His lordship agreed to the ing the shocking insult he had sustained, he reasonableness of his expectation, observing, was ready to withdraw the writ, provided he however, that he could not suppose the miwould listen to any reasonable terms of ac- nister would enter upon business with him commodation. on his first visit; and that it would be time Peregrine, who was not more prone to enough at his next audience to communicate anger than open to conviction, being appeas- his. demand. ed by his condescension, moved by his argu- Notwithstanding this remonstrance, our ments, and chid by his own reflection for hero continued to indulge his suspicion and what he had done in the precipitation of his chagrin, and even made a point of it with his wrath, began to give ear to his remon- patron, that his lordship would next day strances; and the bailiffs being ordered to make application in his behalf, lest the-two withdraw, they entered into a conference, seats should be filled up, on pretence of his the result of which was, our adventurer's inclinations being unknown. Thus imporimmediate departure for London; so that tuned, my lord went to his principal, and renext day his competitor was unanimously turned with an answer, importing that his chosen, because nobody appeared to oppose honour was extremely sorry that Mr Pickle his election. had not signified his request before the boThe discontented Pickle, on his arrival in roughs in question were promised to two town, went directly to the house of his gentlemen whom he could not now dispatron, to whom, in the anguish of his d- appoint, with any regard to his own credit appointment, he bitterly complained of or interest; but as several persons who Would treatment he had received, by which, besides be chosen were, to his certain knowledge, the disgrace of his overthrow, he was no very aged and infirm, he did not doubt that less than two thousand pounds out of pocket, there would be plenty of vacant seats' in -a exclusive of the debt for which he stood en- very short time, and then the young gentlegaged to the receiver. IIis lordship, who man might depend upon his friendship. was prepared for this expostulation, on his Peregrine was so much irritated at this knowledge of the young man's impetuous intimation, that, in the first transports of his temper, answered all the articles of his charge anger, he forgot the respect he owed his with great deliberation, giving him to under- friend, and in his presence inveighed against stand the motives that induced the minister the minister as a person devoid of gratitude to quit his interest in that borough; and and candour, protesting that, if ever an opsoothing him with assurances that his loss portunity should offer itself, he would spend would be amply rewarded by his honour, to the whole remains of his fortune in opposing whom he was next day introduced by this his measures. The nobleman having given nobleman, in the warmest style of recom- him time to exhaust the impetuosity of his mendation. The minister, who was a pat- passion, rebuked him very calmly for his distern of complaisance, received him with the respectful expressions- which were equally most engaging affability; thanked him very injurious and indiscreet; assured him that his kindly for his endeavours to support and project of revenge, if ever put in execution, strengthen the interest of the administration; would redound to his own prejudice and conand faithfully promised to lay hold on the fusion; and advised him to cultivate and imfirst opportunity to express the sense he had prove, with patience and assiduity, the footof his zeal and attachment; desiring to ing he had already obtained in the minister's see him often at his levee, that, in the good graces. multiplicity of business, he might not be Our hero, convinced of the truth, though in danger of forgetting his services and not satisfied with the occasion of his admodesert. nitions, took his leave in a fit of sullen dis. 294 SMOLLETT'S SELECT WORKS. content, and began to ruminate upon the that he would have paid his compliments to shattered posture of his affairs. All that her at her own lodgings, had he been favournow remained of the ample fortune he had ed with the least intimation of her arrival. inherited, was the sum he had deposited in After having thanked him for his politeness, his lordship's hands, together with fifteen she told him, it was not owing to any abatehundred pounds he had ventured on bottom- ment of her friendship and esteem fobr him, ry, and the garrison, which he had left for the that she had omitted to give him that notice; use and accommodation of the lieutenant; but his abrupt departure from Windsor, and and, on the per contra side of his account, the manner in which he quitted Mr Gauntlet, he was debtor for the supply he had received had given her just grounds to believe that from the receiver-general, and the money for they had incurred his displeasure; whicn which he was bound in behalf of his friend; suspicion was reinforced by his long silence so that he found hinself, for the first time of and neglect from that period to the present his life, very much embarrassed in his cir- time. She observed it was still farther con-.cumstances; for, of the first half year's in- firmed, by his forbearing to inquire for Emilia terest of his ten thousand, which was punc- and her brother. "Judge then," said she, tually paid, he had but fourscore pounds in "if I had any reason to believe that you bank, without any prospect of a further sup- would be pleased to hear that I was in town. ply till the other term, which was at the dis- However, I will not detain you at present, tance of four long months. He seriously because you seem to be engaged about some reflected upon thre uncertainty of human particular business; but, if you will favour affairs; the ship with his fifteen hundred me with your company at breakfast to-morpounds might be lost, the gentleman for row, I shall be much pleased, and honoured whom he was security might miscarry in this to boot, by the visit." So saying, she gave as well as in his former projects, and the him a direction to her lodgings; and he took minister might one day, through policy or his leave, with a faithful promise of seeing displeasure, expose him to the mercy of his her at the appointed time. dependant, who was in possession of his Ite was very much affected with this adnote. vance of Sophy, which he considered as an These suggestions did not at all contribute instance of her uncommon sweetness of to the ease of our adventurer's mind. already temper; he felt strange longings of returning ruffled by his disappointment. lie cursed friendship towards Godfirey; and the rehis own folly and extravagance, by which he membrance of' Emilia melted his heart, alwas reduced to such an uncomfortable situa- ready softened with grief and mortificatioit. tion. He compared his own conduct with Next day he did not neglect his engagement, that of some young gentleman of his ac- and had the pleasure of enjoying a long conquaintance, who, while he was squandering versation with this sensible young lady, who away the best part of his inheritance, had gave him to understand that her husband was improved their fortunes, strengthened their Ath his regiment; and presented to him a interest, and increased their reputation. He fine boy, the first fruits of their love, whom was abandoned by his gaiety and good hu- they had christened by the name of Peremour, his countenance gradually contracted grine, in memory of the friendship which itself into a representation of severity and had subsisted between Godfrey and our care, he dropped all his amusements and the youth. companions of his pleasure, and turned his This proof of their regard, notwithstandwhole attention to the minister, at whose ing the interruption in their correspondence, levee he never failed to appear. made a deep impression upon the mind of While he thus laboured in the wheel of our adventurer, who having made the warmdependence, with all that mortification which est acknowledgements for this undeserved a youth of his pride and sensibility may be mark of respect, took the child in his arms, supposed to feel from such a disagreeable and almost devoured him with kisses, pro. necessity, he one day heard himself called testing before God, that he should always by name, as he crossed the park; and turn- consider him with the tenderness of a parent. ing, perceived the wife of Captain Gauntlet, This was the highest compliment he could with another lady. He no sooner recognised pay to the gentle Sophy, who again kindly the kind Sophy, than he accosted her with chid him for his disdainful and precipitate his wonted civility of friendship; but his retreat, immediately after her marriage; and former sprightly air was metamorphosed into expressed an earnest desire of seeing him such austerity, or rather dejection of feature, and the captain reconciled. He assured her, that she could scarce believe her own eyes; nothing could give him greater satisfaction and, in her astonishment, —"Is it possible," than such an event, to which he would consaid she, "that the gay Mr Pickle should be tribute all that lay in his power, though he so much altered in such a short space of could not help looking upon himself as intime i" He made no other reply to this ex- jured by Captain Gauntlet's behaviour, which clanmation, but by a languid smile; and asked denoted a suspicion of his honour, as well as how long she had been in town; observing, contempt for his understanding. The lady ADVENTURES OF PEREGRINE PICKLE. 295 undertook for the concession of her husband, younger brothers, who subsisted on slender who, she told him, had been extremely sorry annuities, or what is called a bare comrnfor his own heat, after Mr Pickle's departure, petency in the public funds. This associaand would have followed him to the garrison, tion was composed of second-hand politicians ill order to solicit his forgiveness, had he not and minor critics, who in the forenoon been restrained by certain punctilios, oc- saunter in the Mall, or lounge at shows of casioned by some acrimonious expressions pictures, appear in the drawing-room once that dropt from Peregrine at the inn. or twice a-week, dine at an ordinary, decide After having cleared up this misunder- disputes in a coffeehouse with an air of standing, she proceeded to give an account superior intelligence, frequent the pit of the of Emilia, whose behaviour, at that juncture, playhouse, and once in a month spend an plainly indicated a continuance of affection evening with some noted actor, whose refor her first lover; and desired that he would markable sayings they repeat for the entergive her full powers to bring that matter also tainment of their ordinary friends. to an accommodation: " for I am not more After all, he found something comfortable certain of my own existence," said she, enough in the company of these gentlemen, "than that you are still in possession of my who never interested his passions to any sister's heart." At this declaration, the tear violence of transport, nor teased him with started in his eye; but he shook his head, impertinent curiosity about his private affairs; and declined her good offices, wishing that for though many of them had maintained a the young lady might be much more happy very long, close, and friendly correspondence than ever he should be able to make her. with each other, they never dreamt of inMrs Gauntlet, confounded at these express- quiring into particular concerns; and if one ions, and moved by the desponding manner of the two who were most intimately conin which they were delivered, begged to nected, had been asked how the other made know if any new obstacle was raised, by a shift to live, he would have answered with some late change in his sentiments or situa- great truth, "cReally, that is more than I tion: and he, in order to avoid a painful ex- know." Notwithstanding this phlegmatic planation, told her, that he had long despair- indifference, which is of the true English ed of being able to vanquish Emilia's resent- production, they were all inoffensive, goodment, and for that reason quitted the pursuit, natured people, who loved a joke and a song, which he would never renew, howsoever his delighted in telling a merry story, and prided heart might suffer by that resolution; though themselves in the art of catering, especially he took heaven to witness, that his love, in the articles of fish, venison, and wild esteem, and admiration of her, were not in fowl. the least impaired: but the true motive of Our young gentleman was not received his laying aside his design, was the conscious- among them on the footing of a common ness of his decayed fortune, which, by& menber, who make yinterest for his admissadding to the sensibility of his pride, increas ion; he was courted' as a person of superior ed the, horror of another repulse. She ex- genius and importance, and his compliance pressed her concern for this determination, looked upon as an honour to their society. both on his own account, and in behalf of This their idea of his pre-eminence was supEmilia, whose happiness (in her opinion) de- ported by his conversation, which, while it pended upon his constancy and affection; was more liberal and learned than that to and she would have questioned him more which they had been accustomed, was tincturminutely about the state of his affairs, had ed with an assuming air, so agreeably difhe not discouraged the inquiry, by seeking to *fused, that, instead of producing aversion, it introduce another subject of conversation. commanded respect. They not only appealAfter mutual protestations of friendship ed to him in all doubts relating to foreign and regard, he promised to visit her often, parts, to which one and all of them were during her residence in town; and took his strangers, but also consulted his.knowledge leave in a strange perplexity of mind, oc- in history and divinity, which were frequently casioned by the images of love, intruding up- the topics of their debates; and in poetry of on the remonstrances of carking care. He all kinds, he decided with such magisterial had some time ago forsaken those extra- authority, as even weighed against the opinvagant companions with whom he had rioted ions of the players themselves. The variety in the heyday of his fortune, and begun to of characters he had seen and observed, and consort with a graver and more sober species the high spheres of life in which he had so of acquaintance: but he now found himself lately moved, furnished him with a thousand disabled from cultivating the society of these entertaining anecdotes. When he became also, who were men of ample estates and a little familiarized to his disappointments, liberal dispositions; in consequence of which, so that his natural vivacity began to revive, their parties were too expensive for the con- he flashed among them, in such a number of sumptive state of his finances; so that he bright sallies, as struck them with admiration, was obliged to descend to another degree, and constituted himself a classic in wit; in. and mingle with a, set of old bachelors and somuch that they began to retail his rern 25' 296 SAIOLLETT'S SELECT WORKS. nants, and even invited some particular Indiamen, on board of which he had hazard. friends to come and hear him hold forth. ed his money. But this was no other than a One of the players, who had for many years false vision; for in a few weeks, one of them strutted about the taverns in the neighbour- arrived at her moorings in the river, and he hood of Covent-garden as the Grand Turk received a thousand in lieu of eight hundred of wit and humour, began to find his admi- pounds which he had lent upon bond to one rers melt away; and a certain petulant phy- of the mates. At the same time he was insician, who had shone at almost all the port formed, that the other ship, in which he was clubs in that end of the town, was actually concerned, had, in all probability, lost her obliged to import his talents into the city, passage for the season, by being unable to Where he has now happily taken root. weather the Cape. He was not at all conNor was this success to be wondered at, if cerned at that piece of news, knowing that we consider that, over and above his natural the longer he should lie out of his money, he genius and education, our adventurer still would have the more interest to receive; had the opportunity of knowing every thing and finding his present difficulties removed which happened among the great, by means by this supply, his heart began to dilate, and of his friend Cadwallader, with whom he his countenance to resume its former alacstill maintained his former intimacy, though rity. it was now chequered with many occasional This state of exultation, however, was tifts, owing to the' sarcastic remonstrances soon interrupted by a small accident, which of the misanthrope, who disapproved of those he could not foresee: he was visited one schemes which miscarried with Peregrine, morning by the person who had lent his and now took unseasonable methods of valu- friend a thousand pounds on his security, ing himself upon his own foresight: nay, he and given to understand, that the borrower was between whiles like a raven croaking had absconded, in consequence of a disappresages of more ill luck from the deceit of pointment, by which he had lost the whole the minister, the dissimulation of his patron, sum and all hopes of retrieving it; so that the folly of the projector, for'whom he was our hero was now liable for the debt, which bound, the uncertainty of the seas, and the he besought him to discharge according tc villainy of those with whom he had entrusted the bond, that he (the lender) might not,his cash, for Crabtree sawr and considered suffer by his humanity. It may be easily.every thing through a perspective of spleen, conceived that Peregrine did not receive this that always reflected the worst side of human intelligence in cold blood. He cursed his nature. own imprudence in contracting such engageFor these reasons our young gentleman ments with an adventurer whom he did not began to be disgusted, at certain intervals, sufficiently know. He exclaimed against with the character of this old man, whom the treachery of the projector; and having he now thought a morolp cynic, not so much for some time indulged his resentment in incensed against the follies and vices of threats and imprecations, inquired into the mankind, as delighted with the distress of nature of the scheme which had miscarried. his fellow creatures. Thus he put the most The lender, who had informed himself of unfavourable construction on the principles the whole affair, gratified his curiosity in of his friend, because he found himself this particular, by telling him that the fugitive justly fallen under the lash of his animad- had been cajoled by a certain knight of the version. post, who undertook to manage the thousand Thus self-accusation very often dissolves pounds in such a manner as would, in a very the closest friendship; a man, conscious of little time, make him perfectly independent; his own indiscretion, is implacably offended and thus he delineated the plan: "one half at the rectitude of his companion's conduct, of the sum," said he, "shall be laid out in which he considers as an insult upon his fail- jewels, which I will pawn to certain persons ings, never to be forgiven, even though, he of credit and fortune, who lend money upon has not tasted the bitterness of reproof, such pledges at an exorbitant interest. The which no sinner can commodiously digest. other shall be kept for relieving them, so The friendship, therefore, subsisting between that they may be again deposited with a Crabtree and Pickle, had of late suffered second set of those honourable usurers; arid several symptomatic shocks, that seemed to when they shall have been circulated in this prognosticate a total dissolution; a great manner through a variety of hands, we will deal of smart dialogue had past in their pri- extort money from each of the pawnbrokers, vate conversations, and the senior began to by threatening them with a public prosecurepent of having placed his confidence in tion, for exacting illegal interest; and I such an imprudent, headstrong, ungovernable know that they will bleed freely, rather than youth. be exposed to the infamy attending such an It was in such paroxysms of displeasure, accusation." The scheme was feasible, and that he prophesied misfortune to Peregrine, though not very honourable, made such an and even told him one morning, that he had impression upon the needy borrower, that he dreamed of the shipwreck of the two East assented to the proposal; and by our hero's ADVENTUTRES OF PEREGRINE PICKLE. 297 credit the money was raised. The jewels a few days he made himself acquainted with were accordingly purchased, pawned, re- every particular of the transaction, and relieved, and repledged by the agent, who un- solved to gratify his spleen at the expense dertook to manage the whole affair; and so of the impatient dupe. With this view, he judiciously was the project executed, that he took an opportunity to accost him with a could have easily proved each lender guilty very serious air, saying a friend of his had of the charge. Having thus far successfully immediate occasion for a thousand pounds, transacted the business, this faithful agent and as Peregrine had the exact sum lying by visited them severally on his own account, him, he would take it as a great favour if he to give them intimation, that his employer would part with it for a few months on unintended to sue them on the statute of usury; doubted security. Had Pickle known the upon which, every one for himself bribed the true motive of this demand, he would in all informer to withdraw his evidence, by which likelihood have made a very disagreeable alone he could be convicted; and having answer; but Crabtree had wrapt himself up received these gratifications, he had thought so securely in the dissimulation of his feaproper to retreat into France with the whole tures, that the youth could not possibly penebooty, including the original thousand that trate into his intention; and in the most put them in motion. In consequence of this galling, suspense replied, that the money decampment, the borrower had withdrawn was otherwise engaged. The misanthrope, himself; so that the lender was obliged to not contented with this irritation, assumed have recourse to his security. the prerogative of a friend, and questioned This was a very mortifying account to our him so minutely about the disposal of the young gentleman, who in vain reminded the cash, that, after numberless evasions, which narrator of his promise, importing that he cost him a world of torture to invent, he would not demand the money, until he could contain his vexation no longer, but should be called to an account by his ward; exclaimed, in a rage,-" damn your impertiand observed, that, long before that period, nence!'tis gone to the devil, and that"s the fugitive might appear and discharge the enough!" "Thereafter as it may be," (said debt. But the other was deaf to these re- this tormentor, with a most provoking inmonstrances; alleging that his promise was difference of aspect) "I should be glad to provisional, on the supposition that the bor- know upon what footing; for I suppose you rower would deal candidly and fairly; that have some expectation of advantage from he had forfeited all title to his friendship and that quarter." "Sdeath! sir," cried the trust, by the scandalous scheme in which he impatient youth, "if I had any expectation had embarked; and that his treacherous from hell, I would make interest with you; flight from his security was no proof of his for I believe, from my soul, you are one of honesty and intended return; but, on the its most favoured ministers upon earth." contrary, a warning, by which he (the lender) With these words, he flung out of the room, was taught to take care of himself. He leaving Cadwallader very well satisfied with therefore insisted upon his being indemnified the chastisement he had bestowed. immediately, on pain of letting the law take Peregrine having cooled himself with a its course; and Peregrine was actually ob- solitary walk in the park, during which the liged to part with the whole sum he had so violence of his choler gradually evaporated, lately received. But this payment was not and his reflection was called to a serious demade without extreme reluctance, indigna- liberation upon the posture of his affairs, he tion, and denunciation of eternal war against resolved to redouble his diligence and imthe absconder and the rigid creditor, betwixt portunity with his patron and the minister, whom he suspected some collusion. in order to obtain some sinecure, which would indemnify him for the damage he had sustained on their account. He accordingly CHAPTER XCI. went to his lordship and signified his demand, after having told him, that he had suffered Cadwallader acts the part of a comforter several fresh losses, which rendered an imto his friend; and in his turn is consoled mediate provision of that sort necessary to by Peregrine, who begins to find himself his credit and subsistence. a most egregious dupe. His noble friend commended him for the regard he manifested for his own interest, THIS new misfortune, which he justly which he considered as a proof of his being charged to the account of his own folly, re- at last detached from the careless inadvercalled his chagrin; and though he endeav- tency of youth; he approved of his demand, oured with all his miaht to conceal the which he assured him should be faithfully affair from the knowledge of Cadwallader, transmitted to the minister, and backed with that prying observer perceived his counte- all his influence; and encouraged his hope, nanceovercast. The projector's sudden dis- by observing, that some profitable places appearance alarming his suspicion, he ma- were at that time vacant, and, so far as he naged his inquiries with so much art, that in knew, unengaged. 2N 298 SMOLLETT'S SELECT WORKS. This conversation helped to restore the his suspicion, if he did not think it safe to tranquillity of Pickle's breast, though he still comply with his request, and he would make harboured resentment against Cadwallader, shift elsewhere. on account of the last insult; and on the This seeming misconstruction increased instant he formed a plan of revenge. He the torture of the misanthrope, who, with knew the misanthrope's remittances fiom the utmost irritation of feature,-" Oons!" his estate in the country had been of late cried he, "what villainy have you noted in very scanty, in consequence of repairs and my conduct, that you treat me like a rascally bankruptcies among his tenants; so that, in usurer?" Peregrine very gravely replied, spite of all his frugality, he had been but that the question needed no answer: "for," barely able to maintain his credit, and even said he, had I considered you as an usurer, I that was engaged on the strength of his would have come with a security under my running rent. Being therefore intimately arm; but all evasion apart, will you stead acquainted with the particulars of his for- me? will you pleasure me? shall I have the tune, he wrote a letter to Crabtree, sub- money?" "Would it were in your belly, scribed with the name of his principal far- with a barrel of gunpowder!" (exclaimed the mer's wife, importing, that her husband being enraged cynic) " since I must be excruciatlately dead, and the greatest part of her ed, read that plagruy paper!-Sblood! why cattle destroyed by the infectious distemper, didn't nature clap a pair of long ears and a she found herself utterly incapable of paying tail upon me, that I might be a real ass, and the rent which was due, or even of keeping champ thistles on some common, indethe farm, unless he would, out of his great pendent of my fellow-creatures? Would I goodness, he pleased to give her some as. were a worm, that I might creep into the sistance, and allow her to sit free for a earth and thatch my habitation with a single twelvemonth to come. This intimation he straw: or rather a wasp or a viper, that 1 found means to convey by post from a market might make the rascally world feel my retown adjoining to the farm, directed in the sentment. But why do I talk of rascality? usual style to the cynic, who seeing it stamp- folly, folly is the scourge of life! Give -me a ed with the known marks, could not possibly scoundrel (so he be a sensible one), aid I suspect any imposition. will put him in my heart of hearts; but a Hackneyed as he was in the ways of life, fool is more mischievous than famine, pestiand steeled with his boasted stoicism, this lence, and war. The idiotical hag that epistle threw him into such an agony of vex- writes, or causes to be written, this same letter, ation, that a double proportion of souring has ruined her family, and broken her huswas visible in his aspect, when he was visit- band's heart, by ignorance and mismanageed by the author, who having observed and ment; and she imputes her calamity to Profollowed the postman at a proper distance, vidence with a vengeance; and so I am deintroduced, a conversation upon his own frauded of three hundred pounds, the greatdisappointments, in which, among other est part of which I owe to tradesmen, whom circumstances of his own ill luck, he told I have promised to pay this very quarter. him, that his patron's steward had desired to Pox upon her! I would she were an horned be excused from paying the last quarter of beast, that the distemper might lay hold on his interest precisely at the appointed term, her. The beldame has the impudence too for which reason he should be utterly void (after she has brought me into this dilemma) of cash, and therefore requested that Crab- to solicit my assistance to stock the farm tree would accommodate him witht a hundred anew! Before God, I have a good mind to pieces of his next remittance from the send her a halter; and perhaps I might purcountry. chase another for myself, but that I would This demand galled. and perplexed the old not filrnish food for laughter to knaves and man to such a degree, that the muscles of coxcombs." his face assumed a contraction peculiarly Peregrine having perused the billet, and virulent, and exhibited the character of Dio- listened to this ejaculation, replied, with genes with a most lively expression; he great composure, that he was ashamed to knew that a confession of his true situation see a man of his years and pretensions to would furnish Pickle with an opportunity to philosophy so ruffled by a trifle. "What make reprisals upon him, with intolerable s;gnify all the boasted hardships you have triumph: and that by a downright refusal to overcome," said he, "and the shrewd obslpply his wants, he would for ever forfeit servations you pretend to have made on his friendship and esteem, and might provoke human nature? Where is that stoical indifhim to take ample vengeance for his sordid ference you affirm you have attained, if such behaviour, by exposing him, in his native a paltry disappointment can disturb you in colours, to the resentment of those whom he this manner What is the loss of three had so long deceived. These considerations hundred pounds, compared with the misIept him some time in a most rancorous fortunes which I myself have undergone state of suspense, which Peregrine affected within these two years? Yet you will take to misinterpret, by bidding him freely declare upon you to act the censor, and inveigh ADVENTURES OF PEREGRINE PICKLE. 299 against the impatience and impetuosity of that expedient, till, by course of post, he was youth, as if you yourself had gained an ab- happily undeceived with regard to the situasolute conquest over all the passions of the tion of his affairs; and that information had heart. You were so kind as to insult me such an effect upon him, that he not only fort'other day in my affliction, by reproaching gave our hero for the stratagem, which he me with indiscretion and misconduct; sup- immediately ascribed to the right author, but pose I were now to retort the imputation, also made him a tender of his purse; so that and ask how a man of your profound saga- matters for the present were brought to an city could leave your fortune at the discre- amicable accommodation. tion of ignorant peasants I- ow could you Meanwhile Peregrine never slackened in his be so blind as not to foresde the necessity of attendance upon the great; he never omitted repairs, together with the danger of bank- to appear upon every levee day, employed ruptcy, murrain, or thin crop Why did you his industry and penetration in getting intelnot convert your land into ready money, and ligence of posts that were unfilled, and every (as you have no connexions in life) purchase day recommended himself to the good offices an annuity, on which you might have lived of his patron, who seemed to espouse his inat your ease, without any fear of the conse- terest with great cordiality; nevertheless, he quence? —Can't you, from the whole budget was always too late in his application, or the of your philosophy, cull one apothegm to place he demanded chanced to be out of the console you for this trivial mischance?" minister's gift. " Rot your rapidity," (said the cynic, half These intimations, though communicated choked with gall) "' if the cancer or the in the most warm professions of friendship pox were in your throat, I should not be thus and regard, gave great umbrage to the young tormented with your tongue; and yet a mag- gentleman, who considered them as the evapye shall speak infinitely more to the pur- sions of an insincere courtier, and loudly compose. Don't you know, Mr Wiseacre, that plained of them as such to his lordship, sigmy case does not fall within the province of nifying, at the same time, an intention to sell philosophy? Had I been curtailed of all my his mortgage for ready money, which he members, racked by the gout and gravel, de- would expend to the last farthing in thwartprived of liberty, robbed of an only child, or ing his honour, in the very first election -he visited with the death of a dear friend like should patronise. His lordship never wantvou, philosophy might have contributed to ed a proper exhortation upon these occasions: my consolation; but will philosophy pay my he did not now endeavour to pacify him with debts, or free me from the burden of obliga- assurances of the minister's favour, because tion to a set of fellows whom I despise? he perceived that these medicines had, by re- speak-pronounce-demonstrate-or may peated use, lost their effect upon our advenheaven close your mouth for ever!" turer, whose menaces he now combated by "These are the comfortable fruits of your representing that the minister's purse was misanthrophy," answered the youth, "your heavier than that of Mr Pickle; that, thereiaudable scheme of detaching yourself from fore, should he make a point of opposing his the bonds of society, and of moving in a su- interest. the youth must infallibly fail in the perior sphere of your own. Had not you contest; in which case he would find himself been so peculiarly sage and intent upon laugh- utterly destitute of the means of subsistence, ing at mankind, you could never have been and consequently precluded from all hope of disconcerted by such a pitiful inconvenience; provision. any friend would have accommodated you This was an observation, the truth of which with the sum in question. But now the our young gentleman could not pretend to world may retort the laugh; for you stand doubt, though it did not at all tend to the uipon such an agreeable footing with your vindication of his honour's conduct. Indeed acquaintance, that nothing could please them Pickle began to suspect the sincerity of his better than an account of your having given own patron, who, in his opinion, had trifled disappointment the slip, by the help of a noose with his impatience, and even eluded, by sorproperly applied. This I mention by way of ry excuses, his desire of having another prihint, upon which I would have you chew the vate audience of the first mover. His lordship cud of reflection; and should it come to that also began to be less accessible than usual; issue, I will use my whole interest with and Peregrine had been obliged to dun the the coroner to bring in his verdict lunacy, steward with repeated demands, before he that your carcass.may have christian burial." could finger the last quarter of his interest. So saying, he withdrew, very well satisfied Alarmed by these considerations, he went with the revenge he had taken, which ope- and consulted the nobleman whom he had rated so violently upon Crabtree, that, if it obliged in the affair of his son, and had the had not been for the sole consideration men- mortification to hear but a very indifferent tioned above, he would, in all probability, have character of the person in whom he had so had recourse to the remedy proposed. But long confided. This new adviser, who (though his unwillingness to oblige and entertain his a courtier) was a rival of the other, gave ouw ellow-creatures hindered him from practising adventurer to understand, that he had beer, 300 SMOLLETT'S SELECT WORKS. leaningupon abroken reed; that his professed pect, that he was very well informed of his patron was a man of a shattered fortune and merit and attachment, and very much disposdecayed interest, which extended no farther ed to convince him of the regard which he than a smile and a whisper; that, for his own paid to both; that till of late he did not know part, he should have been proud of an oppor- the nature of his expectations, neither had tunity to use his influence with the minister he the power of creating posts for those whom in behalf of Mr Pickle —" but since you have he was inclined to serve; but if Mr Pickle put yourself under the protection of another would chalk out any feasible method by which peer," said he, "whose connexions interfere he could manifest his sentiments of friendwith mine, I cannot now espouse your cause, ship, he should not be backward in executing without incurring the imputation of seducing the plan. that nobleman's adherents-a charge which, Peregrine, laying hold on this declaration, of all others, I would most carefully avoid. mentioned several places which he knew to However, I shall always be ready to assist be vacant; but the old evasion was still used; you with my private advice, as a specimen one of them was not in his department of of which, I now counsel you to insist upon business, another had been promised to the having another interview with Sir Steady third son of a certain earl before the death Steerwell himself, that you may in person ex- of the last possessor, and a third was encumplain your pretensions, without any risk of bered with a pension that eat up a good half being misrepresented; and endeavour, if poss- of the appointments. In short, such obible, to draw him into some particular pro- structions were started to all his proposals mise, from which he cannot retract, with any as he could not possibly surmount, though he regard to his reputation; for general profess- plainly perceived they were no other than ion is a necessary armour worn by all minis- specious pretexts to cover the mortifying side ters in their own defence, against the impor- of a refusal. Exasperated, therefore, at this tunity of those whom they will not befriend, lack of sincerity and gratitude,-" I can and would not disoblige." easily foresee," said he, 1" that such difficulThis advice was so conformable to his own ties will never be wanting, when I have any sentiments, that our adventurer seized the thing to ask; and for that reason will save first opportunity to demand a hearing, and myself the trouble of any farther application." plainly told his patron that, if he could not So saying, he withdrew in a very abrupt manbe indulged with that favour, he should look ner, breathing defiance and revenge. But upon his lordship's influence to be very small, his patron, who did not think proper to drive and his own hopes to be altogether despe- him to extremities, found means to persuade rate; in which case he was resolved to dis- his honour to do something for the pacificapose of the mortgage, purchase an annuity, tion of the young man's choler; and that same and live independent. evening our adventurer received a message from his lordship, desiring to see him immediately. CHAPTER XCII. In consequence of this intimation, Pickle went to his house, and appeared before him He is indulged with a second audience by with a very cloudy aspect, which signified, the minister, of whose sincerity he is con- to whom it might concern, that his temper vinced-His pride and ambition revive, was at present too much galled to endure reand again are mortified. proof; and therefore the sagacious peer forbore to take him to task for his be.haviour IF the young gentleman's money had been during the audience he had obtained; but in other hands, perhaps the peer would have gave him to understand, that the minister, in been at very little pains, either in gratifying consideration of his services, had sent him a his demand, or opposing his revenge; but he note of three hundred pounds, with a promise knew that the sale of the mortgage could of the like sum yearly, until he could be othernot be effected without an inquiry, to which wise provided for. This declaration in some he did not wish to be exposed. He there- measure appeased the youth, who condescendfore employed all his interest in procuring ed to accept the present; and, next levee the solicited audience. This being granted, day, made his acknowledgement to the doPeregrine, with great warmth and elocution, nor, who favoured him with a smile of infiexpatiated upon the injury his fortune had nite complacency, which entirely dissipated suffered in the affair of the borough, for which all the remains of his resentment; for, as he he had stood candidate; he took notice of could not possibly divine the true cause of the disappointment he had sustained in the his being temporized with, he looked upon other election, reminded him of the promises this condescension as an undoubted proof of with which he had been amused, and, in con- Sir Steady's sincerity, and firmly believed clusion, desired to know what he had to ex- that he would settle him in some place with pect from his favour. the first opportunity, rather than continue to The minister having patiently heard him pay this pension out of his own pocket. In o an end, replied, with a most gracious as- all probability, his prediction would have been ADVENTURES OF PEREGRINE PICKLE. 301 verified. had not an unforeseen accident in a began to entertain some doubts of his integmoment overwhelmed the bark of his interest rity: for, among the papers of the deceased, at court. which he had examined, there was no wriMeanwhile, this short gleam of good for- ting, memorandum, or receipt, relating to this tune recalled the ideas of pride and ambition incumbrance. After a long pause of stupefacwhich he had formerly cherished. His coun- tion, Peregrine recollected himself so far as to tenance was again lifted up, his good hu- observe, that either he was egregiously mismour retrieved, and his mien re-exalted. In- taken, or the predecessor of his lord the deed, he began to be considered as a rising greatest villain upon earth. " But, MrWhatman by his fellow dependents, who saw the d'yecallum," said he, " you mnust give me particular notice with which he was favoured leave to tell you, that your bare assertion in at the public levee; and some of them, for this affair will by no means induce me to that reason, were at pains to court his put up quietly with the loss of ten thousand good graces. He no longer shunned his pounds." former intimates, with whoim a good part of Having thus expressed himself, he retired his fortune had been spent, but made up to from the house so discontented at this demur, them in all places of public resort, with the that he scarce knew whether he moved upon same ease and familiarity as he had been used his head or heels; and the Park chancing to to express, and even reimbarked in some of lie in his way, he sauntered about, giving their excesses, upon the strength of his san- vent to a soliloquy in praise of his departed guine expectation. Cadwallader and he re- friend, the burden of which was a string of newed their consultations in the court of incoherent curses imprecated upon himself; ridicule; and divers exploits were achieved, till his transports by degrees giving way to to the confusion of those who had sailed into his reflection, he deliberated seriously and the north of their displeasure. sorrowfully upon his misfortune, and resolved But these enjoyments were soon interrupt- to consult lawyers without loss of time. But, ed by a misfortune equally fatal and unex- first of all, he proposed to make personal appected; his noble patron was seized with an plication to the heir, who, by a candid repreapoplectic fit, from which he was recovered sentation of the case, might be inclined to do by the physicians, that they might despatch him justice. him according to rule; and, in two months In consequence of this determination, he after they were called, he went the way of next morning put his writings in his pocket, all flesh. Peregrine was very much afflicted and went in a chair to the house of the young at this event, not only on account of his nobleman, to whom being admitted by virtue friendship for the deceased, to whom he of his appearance, and a small gratification thought himself under many and great obli- to the porter, he explained the whole affair, gations, but also because he feared that his corroborating his assertions with the papers own interest would suffer a severe shock, by which he produced, and describing the disthe removal of this nobleman, whom he con- grace that would be entailed on the memory sidered as its chief support. He put himself of the deceased, should he be obliged to seek therefore in mourning, out of regard to the redress in a public court of justice. memory of his departed friend, and exhibited The executor, who was a person of good genuine marks of sorrow and concern, though breeding, condoled with him upon his loss with he had in reality more cause to grieve than he great good-nature, though he did not seem as yet imagined. much surprised at his account of the matter; When quarter-day came about, he applied but wished, that, since the fraud must have to the steward of his lordship's heir for the been committed, the damage had fallen upon interest of his money, as usual; and the reader the first mortgagor who (he said) was a will readily own he had some reason to be thievish usurer, grown rich by the distresses surprised, when he was told he had no claim of his fellow-creatures. In answer to our either to principal or interest. True it is, hero's remonstrances, he observed, that he the manager talked very civilly as well as did not look upon himself as obliged to pay sensibly on the subject. "Your appearance, the least regard to the character of his presir," said he to Pickle, "screens you from decessor, who had used him with great barall suspicion of an intended fraud; but the barity and injustice, not only in excluding mortgage upon those lands you mention was him from his countenance and assistance, granted to another person many years before but also in prejudicing his inheritance as you pretend to have lent that sum; and I much as lay in his power; so that it could not have, this very morning, paid one quarter's be reasonably expected that he would pay interest, as appears from this receipt, which ten thousand pounds of his debt, for which you may peruse for your satisfaction." he had received no value. Peregrine, in Peregrine was so thunderstruck at this in- spite of his chagrin, could not help owning formation, which stripped him of his all, that within himself, that there was a good deal of he could not utter one word; a circumstance reason in this refusal. After having given that did no great honour to his character in the loose to his indignation, in the most violent opinion of the steward, who, in good earnest, invectives against the defunct,, he took his 302 SMOLLETT'S SELECT WORKS. leave of the complaisant heir, and had irnme- THE bitterness of this explanation being diate recourse to the advice of counsel, who passed, our young gentleman began to revolve assured him that he had an excellent plea, within himself schemes for making up the and was accordingly retained in the cause. deficiencies of his yearly income, which was All these measures were taken in the first now so grievously reduced, and determined vigour of his exertion, during which his spi- to profit, in some shape or other, by those rits were so fluttered with the diversity of talents which he owed to nature and educapassions produced by his mischance, that he tion. He had, in his affluence, heard of semistook for equanimity that which was no veral authors, who, without any pretensions other than intoxication; and two whole days to genius, or humane literature, earned a very elapsed, before he attained a due sense of his genteel subsistence by undertaking work for misfortune. Then indeed he underwent a booksellers, in which reputation was not at all woful self-examination; every circumstance concerned. One (for example) professed all of the inquiry added fresh pangs to his reflec- manner of translation, at so much per sheet, tion; and the result of the whole was a dis- and actually kept five or six amanuenses concovery, that his fortune was totally consumed, tinually employed, like so many clerks in a and himself reduced to a state of the most counting-house; by which means he was endeplorable dependence. This suggestion abled to live at his ease, and enjoy his friend alone might (in the anguish of his despon- and his bottle, ambitious of no other characdency) have driven him to some desperate ter than that of an honest man and a good course, had it not been in some measure qual- neighbour. Another projected a variety of ified by the confidence of his lawyers and the plans for new dictionaries, which were exeassurance of the minister, which (slender as cuted under his eye by day-labourers; and the world hath generally found them) were the province of a third was history and voy. the only bulwarks between misery and him. ages, collected or abridged by understrappers The mind is naturally pliable, and, provid- of the same class. ed it has the least hope to lean upon, adapts Mr Pickle, in his comparisons, paid such itself wonderfully to the emergencies of for- deference to his own capacity, as banished tune, especially when the imagination is gay all doubts of his being able to excel any of and luxuriant. This was the case with our those undertakers in their different branches adventurer; instead of indulging the melan- of profession, if ever he should be driven to choly ideas which his loss inspired, he had that experiment;-but his ambition promptrecourse to the flattering delusions of hope, ed him to make his interest and glory coinsoothing himself with unsubstantial plans of cide, by attempting some performance which future greatness, and endeavouring to cover should do him honour with the public, and what was past with the veil of oblivion. at the same time establish his importance After some hesitation, he resolved to make among the copy-purchasers in town. With Crabtree acquainted with his misfortune, that this view he worshipped the muse; and cononce for all he might pass the ordeal of his scious of the little regard which is, in this satire, without subjecting himself to a longe age, paid to every species of poetic composeries of sarcastic hints and doubtful allu- sition, in which neither satire nor obscenity sions, which he could not endure. He ac- occurs, an imitation of Juvenal, cordingly took the first opportunity of telling and lashed some cons-i picuos racters, with him, that he was absolutely ruined by the equal truth, spirit, and severity. Though perfidy of his patron, and desired that he his name did not appear in the title-page of would not aggravate his affliction by those this production, he managed matters so, as cynical rQmarks which were peculiar to men that the work was universally imputed to the of his misanthropical disposition. Cadwalla- true author, who was not altogether disapder listened to this declaration with internal pointed in his expectations of success; for the surprise, which, however, produced no alte- impression was immediately sold off, and the ration in his countenance, and, after some piece became the subject of conversation in pause, observed, that our hero had no reason all assemblies of taste. to look for any new observation from him This happy exordium not only attracted upon this event, which he had long foreseen, the addresses of the booksellers, who made and daily expected; and exhorted him, with interest for his acquaintance, but also roused an ironical sneer, to console himself with the notice of a society of authors, who styled the promise of the minister, who would doubt- themselves the College, from which he was less discharge the debts of his deceased bo- honoured with a deputation, offering to enrol som-friend. him a member by unanimous consent. The person employed forthis purpose being a bard who had formerly tasted of our hero's bounty, CHAPTER XCIII. used all his eloquence to persuade him to comply with the advances of their fraternity, Peregrine commits himself to thie public, which he described in such a manner as inand is admitted member of a college of flamed the curiosity of Pickle, who dismissed authors. the ambassador, with an acknowledgement of ADVENTURES OF PEREGRINE PICKLE. 303 the great honour they conferred upon him, public papers. This science, which is known and a faithful promise of endeavouring to by the vulgar appellation of puffing, they merit the continuance of their approbation. carried to such a pitch of finesse, that an He was afterwards, by the same minister, author very often wrote an abusive answer instructed in the ceremonies of the college: to his own performance, in order to inflame and, in consequence of his information, com- the curiosity of the town, by which it had posed an ode, to be publicly recited on the been overlooked. Notwithstanding this geevening of his introduction. He understood neral unanimity in the college, a private that this constitution was no other than a animosity had long subsisted between the body of authors, incorporated by mutual con- two rivals 1 have mentioned, on account of sent, for their joint advantage and satisfac- precedence, to which both laid claim, though, tion; opposed to another assembly of the by a majority of votes, it had been decided in same kind, their avowed enemies and detrac- favour of the present chairman. The grudge tors. No wonder, then, that they sought to indeed never proceeded to any degree of strengthen themselves with such a valuable outrage or defiance, but manifested itself, at acquisition as our hero was like to prove. every meeting, in attempts to eclipse each The college consisted of authors only, and other in smart sayings and pregnant reparthese of all degrees in point of reputation, tee; so that there was always a delicate mess from the fabricator of a song set to music, of this kind of wit served up in the front of and sung at Marybone, to the dramatic bard the evening, for the entertainment and who had appeared in buskins upon the stage; example of the junior members, who never nay, one of the members had actually finish- failed to divide upon this occasion, declaring -d eight books of an epic poem, for the pub- themselves for one or other of the combatlication of which he was at that time solicit- ants, whom they encouraged by their looks, ing subscriptions. gestures, and applause, according to the cir. It cannot be supposed that such a congre- cumstances of the dispute. gation of the sons of Apollo would sit a whole This honourable consistory was held in evening with order and decorum, unless they the best room of an ale-house, which affordwere under the check of some established au- ed wine, punch, or beer, suitable to the purse thority; and this inconvenience having been or inclination of every individual, who seforeseen, they had elected a president, vested parately paid for his own choice;-and here with full power to silence any member or was our hero introduced in the Inidst of members that should attempt to disturb the twenty strangers, who, by their looks and harmony and subordination of the whole. equipage, formed a very picturesque variety. The sage, who at this time possessed the He was received with a most gracious sochair, was a person in years whose counte- lemnity, and placed upon the right hand nance was a lively portraitu.re of that ran- of the president, who, having commanded corous discontent which follows repeated silence, recited aloud his introductory ode, damnation. He had been extremely unfortu- which met with universal approbation. nate in his theatrical productions, and was Then was tendered to him the customary (to use the words of a profane wag, who as- oath, obliging him to consult the honour and sisted at the condemnation of his last play) advantage of the society as far as it should by this time damned beyond redemption. lie in his power, in every station of life; and Nevertheless, he still tarried about the skirts this being taken, his temples were bound of Parnassus, translating some of the classics, with a wreath of laurel, which was kept and writing miscellanies; and, by dint of an sacred for such inauguration. invincible assurance, supercilious insolence, When these rites were performed with all the most undaunted virulence of tongue, and due ceremony, the new member cast his some knowledge of life, he made shift to ac- eyes around the place, and took a more acquire and maintain the character of a man of curate survey of his brethren, among whom learning and wit, in the opinion of people he observed a strange collection of periwigs, who had neither; that is, thirty-nine in forty with regard to the colour, fashions, and diof those with whom he associated himself. mensions, which were such as he had never He was even looked upon in this light by seen before. Those who sat on each side, some few of the college; though the major nearest the president, were generally dispart of those who favoured his election were tinguished by venerable ties, the foretops of such as dreaded his malice, respected his ex- which exhibited a surprising diversity; some perience and seniority, or hated his competi- of them rose slanting backwards, like the tor, who was the epic poet. glacis of a fortification; some were elevated The chief end of this society (as I have in two distinct eminences, like the hills Healready hinted) was to assist and support licon and Parnassus; and others were curled each other in their productions, which they and reflected, as the horns of Jupiter Ammutually recommended to sale, with all their mon. Next to these, the majors took place, art and influence, not only in private conver- many of which were mere succedanea, made sation, but also in occasional epigrams, criti- by the application of an occasional rose to cislns, and advertisements inserted in the the tail of a lank bob; and in the lower form 26 304 SMOLLETT'S SELECT WORKS. appeared masses of hair, which would admit or's friends, which had begun to be a little of no description. obumbrated; and had a contrary effect upon Their clothes were tolerably well suited to the other faction, till their chief, collecting the furniture of their heads, the apparel of all his capacity, returned the salute, by obthe upper bench being decent and clean, serving that there was no occasion for a while that of the second class was thread- horn-work, when the covered-way was not bare and soiled; and, at the lower end of the worth defending. room, he perceived divers efforts made to Such a reprisal upon Mr Metaphor's yoke. conceal their rent breeches and dirty linen; fellow, who was by no means remarkable nay, he could distinguish by their counten- for her beauty, could not fail to operate upon ances the different kinds of poetry in which the hearers; and as for the bard himself, he they exercised the muse: Ite saw Tragedy was evidently ruffled by the reflection; to conspicuous in a grave solemnity of regard, which, however, he, without hesitation, reSatire louring in a frown of envy and dis- plied,-" Egad!'tis my opinion, that if your content, Elegy whining in a funeral aspect, covered way was laid open, few people would Pastoral dozing in a most insipid languor of venture to give the assault." "Not unless face, Ode-writing delineated in a distracted their batteries were more effectual than the stare, and Epigram squinting with a pert fire of your wit," said the president. "As sneer. Perhaps our hero refined too much for that matter," cried the other with preciin his penetration, when he affirmed, that pitation, "they would have no occasion to over and above these discoveries, he could batter in breach; they would find the angle plainly perceive the state of every one's of the lapucelle bastion demolished to their finances, and would, have undertaken to have hands: he! he!" "But I believe it would guessed each particular sum, without vary- surpass your understanding," resumed the ing three farthings from the truth. chairman, "to fill up the fosse." " That, I The conversation, instead of becoming own, is impracticable," replied the bard, general, began to fall into parties; and the "there I should meet with an hiatus maxime epic poet had actually attracted the attention deflendus!" of a private committee, when the chairman The president, exasperated at this insinuinterposed, calling aloud,-" No cabals, no ation, in presence of the new member, exconspiracies, gentlemen." His rival think- claimed, with indignation in his looks,ing it incumbent upon him to make some "and yet, if a body of pioneers were set at reply to this rebuke, answered,-" We have work upon your skull, they would find rubno secrets; he that hath ears, let him hear." bish enough to choke up all the common This was spoken as an intimation to the sewers in town." HIere a groan was uttered company, whose looks were instantly whet- by the admirers if the epic poet, who, taking ted with the expectation of their ordinary a pinch of snuff with great composure,meal; but the president seemed to decline "when a man grows scurrilous," said he, "I the contest; for, without putting on his take it for an undoubted proof of his overfighting face, he calmly replied, that he had throw." "If that be the case," cried the seen Mr Metaphor tip the wink, and whisper other, "you yourself must be the vanquished to one of his confederates, and thence judg- party, for you was the first that was driven ed, that there was something mysterious on to personal abuse." "I appeal," answered the carpet. the bard, "to those who can distinguishThe epic poet, believing his antagonist Gentlemen, your judgment." crestfallen, resolved to take the advantage This reference produced an universal claof his dejection, that he might enhance his mour, and the whole college was involved in own character in the opinion of the stranger; confusion. Every man entered into dispute and, with that view, asked, with an air of with his neighbour on the merits of this exultation, if a man might not be allowed to cause. The chairman interposed his authorhave a convulsion in his eye, without being ity in vain; the noise grew louder and louder; suspected of a conspiracy? The president, the disputants waxed warm; the epithets of perceiving his drift, and piqued at his pre- blockhead, fool, and scoundrel, were bandied sumption,-" To be sure," said he, "a man about. Peregrine enjoyed the uproar, and, of a weak head may be very well supposed leaping upon the table, sounded the charge to have convulsions in his eyes." This re- to battle, which was immediately commenpartee produced a laugh of triumph among ced in ten different duels. The lights were the chairman's adherents; one of whom ob- extinguished; the combatants thrashed one served, that his rival had got a smart rap on another without distinction; the mischievous the pate. "Yes," replied the bard, "in that Pickle distributed sundry random blows in respect Mr Chairman has the advantage of the dark; and the people below, being ane. Had my head been fortified with a'alarmed with the sound of application, the hornwork, I should not have been so sensible overturning of chairs, and the outcries of of the stroke." This retort, which carried those who were engaged, came up stairs in a a severe allusion to the president's wife, body with lights to reconnoitre, and, ifpossJighted up the countenances of the aggress- ible, quell this hideous tumult. ADVENTURES OF PEREGRINE PICKLE. 305 Objects were no sooner rendered visible, and altercation were avoided, and the college than the field of battle exhibited strange applied itself seriously to the purposes of its groups of the standing and the fallen. Each meeting, namely, to hear the grievances of of Mr Metaphor's eyes was surrounded with individuals, and assist them with salutary a circle of a livid hue; and the president's advice. The first person that craved redress nose distilled a quantity of clotted blood. 1was a noisy North Briton, who complained, One of the tragic authors, finding himself in a strange dialect, that he had, in the beassaulted in the dark, had, by way of a ginning of the season, presented a comedy poniard, employed upon his adversary's throat to the manager of a certain theatre, who, a knife which lay upon the table, for the con- after it had lain six weeks in his hands, revenience of cutting cheese; but, by the bless- turned it to the author, affirming there was ing of God, the edge of it was not keen neither sense nor English in the performenough to enter the skin, which it had only ance. scratched in divers places. A satirist had The president, who. by-the-by, had revisalmost bit off the ear of a lyric bard. Shirts ed the piece, thinking his own reputation and neckcloths were torn to rags; and there concerned, declared, in presence of the whole was such a woful wreck of periwigs on the society, that, with regard to sense, he would floor, that no examination could adjust the not undertake to vindicate the production; property of the owners, the greatest part of but, in point of language, no fault could be whom were obliged to use handkerchiefs by justly laid to its charge: "The case, howway of nightcaps. ever, is very plain," said he; "the manager The fray, however, ceased at the approach never gave himself the trouble to peruse the of those who interposed; part of the corn- play, but formed a judgment of it from the batants being tired of an exercise in which conversation of the author, never dreaming they had received nothing but hard blows; that it had undergone the revisal of an Engpart of them being intimidated by the re- lish writer; be that as it will, you are infimonstrances of the landlord and his com- nitely obliged to him for having dispatched pany, who threatened to call the watch; and you so soon, and I shall have the better opina very few being ashamed of the scandalous ion of him for it so long as I live; for I have dispute in'which they were detected. But known otherguise authors than you,that is, though the battle was ended, it was imposs- in point of interest and fame, kept in conible, for that evening, to restore harmony tinual attendance and dependence during the and good order to the society, which broke best part of their lives, and, after all, disapup, after the president had pronounced a pointed in the expectation of seeing their short and confused apology to our adven- performances exhibited on the stage." turer, for the indecent uproar which had unfortunately happened on the first night of his admission. CHAPTER XCIV. Indeed, Peregrine deliberated with himself, whether or not his reputation would Further proceedings of the college. allow him to appear again among this venerable fraternity; but, as he knew some of THIs affair was no sooner discussed, than them to be men of real genius, how ridicu- another gentleman exhibited a complaint, lous soever their carriage might be modified, signifying, that he had undertaken to transand was of that laughing disposition, which late into English a certain celebrated author, is always seeking food for mirth, as Horace who had been cruelly mangled by former atobserves of Philippus, tempts; and that, as soon as his design took Risus undique quverit * air, the proprietors of those miserable translations had endeavoured to prejudice his he resolved to frequent the college, notwith- work, by industrious insinuations, contrary standing this accident which happened at his to truth and fair dealing, importing, that he inauguration; being thereto, moreover, in- did not understand one word of the language duced by his desire of knowing the private which he pretended to translate. This being history of the stage, with which he supposed a case that nearly concerned the greatest some of the members perfectly well acquaint- part of the audience, it was taken into seried. He was also visited, before the next ous deliberation: some observed, that it was meeting, by his introductor, who assured not only a malicious effort against the plainhim, that such a tumult had never happened tiff, but also a spiteful advertisement to the since the first institution of the assembly, public, tending to promote an inquiry into till that very night; and promised, that, for the abilities of all other translators, few of the future, he should have no cause to be whom, it was well known, were so qualified scandalized at their behaviour. as to stand the test of such examination. Persuaded by these motives and assur- Others said, that over and above this conances, he trusted himself once more in the sideration,' which ought to have its due midst of their community, and every thing weight with the college, there was a necessproceeded with great decorum; all. dispute ity for concerting measures to humble the 20 306 SMOLLETT'S SELECT WORKS. presumption of booksellers, who had, firom ty; and that this new translation should be time immemorial, taken all opportunities to recommended and introduced into the world oppress and enslave their authors; not only with the whole art and influence of the by lhimniting men of genius to the wages of society. journeymen tailors, without even allowing This affair bein settled to the satisfaction them one sabbath in the week, but also in of all present, an author of some character taking such advantages of their necessities stood up, and craved the advice and assistas were inconsistent with justice and hu- ance of his fellows, in punishing a certain manity. "For example," said one of the nobleman of great pretensions to taste, who, members, "after I myself had acquired a in consequence of a production which this little reputation with the town, I was caress- gentleman had ushered into the world with ed by one of those tyrants, who professed a universal applause, not only desired, but even fiiendship for me, and even supplied me with eagerly courted his acquaintance. "He inmoney, according to the exigences of my vited me to his house," said he, "where I situation; so that I looked upon him as the was overwhelmed with civility and professmirror of disinterested benevolence; and ions of friendship. He insisted upon my had he known my disposition, and treated treating him as an intimate, and calling upon me accordingly, I should have written for him him at all hours, without ceremony; he made upon his own terms. After I had used his me promise to breakfast with him at least friendship in this manner for some time, I three times a-week: in short, I looked upon happened to have occasion for a small sum myself as very fortunate, in meeting with of money, and with great confidence made such advances from a man of his interest another application to my good friend; when and reputation, who had it in his power all of a sudden he put a stop to his generosi- to befriend me effectually in my passage ty, refused to accommodate me in the most through life; and, that I might not give him abrupt and mortifying style; and though I any cause to think I neglected his friendwas at that time pretty far advanced in a ship, I went to his house in two days, with work for his benefit, which was a sufficient a view of drinking chocolate, according to security for what I owed him, he roundly appointment; but he had been so much faasked, how I proposed to pay the money tigned with dancing at an assembly over which I had already borrowed? Thus was I night, that his valet-de-chambre would not used like a young w just come upon the venture to wake him so early; and I left my town, whom the bawd allows to run into her compliments to his lordship, with a performdebt, that she may have it in her power to ance in manuscript, which he had expressed oppress her at pleasure; and if the sufferer a most eager desire to peruse. I repeated complains, she is treated like the most un- my visit next morning, that his impatience grateful wretch upon earth; and that too to see me might not have some violent effect with such appearance of reason, as may upon his constitution; and received a messeasily mislead an unconcerned spectator. age from his minister, signifying, that he had'You unthankful drab!' she will say,'didn't been highly entertained with the manuscript I take you into my house when you hadn't a I had left, a great part of which he had read, shift to your back, a petticoat to your tail, but was at present so busy in contriving a nor a morsel of bread to put into your belly? proper dress for a private masquerade, which lIa'nt I clothed you from head to foot like a would be given that same evening, that he gentlewoman, supported you with board, could not have the pleasure of my company lodging, and all necessaries, till your own at breakfast. This was a feasible excuse, extravagance hath brought you into distress; which I admitted accordingly, and in a day and now you have the impudence, you nasty, or two appeared again, when his lordship stinking, brimstone bungaway! to say you was particularly engaged. This might possare hardly dealt with, when I demand no ibly be the case; and therefore I returned more than my own' Thus the w — and the foburth time, in hopes of finding him the author are equally oppressed, and even more at leisure; but he had gone out about left without the melancholy privilege of com- half an hour before my arrival, and left my plaining; so that they are fain to subscribe to performance with his valet-de-charnbre, who such terms as their creditors shall please to assured me, that his lord had perused it with impose." infinite pleasure. Perhaps I might have reThis illustration operated so powerfully tired very well satisfied with this declaration, upon the conviction and resentment of the had not I in my passage through the hall, whole college, that revenge was universally heard one of the footmen upon the top of denounced against those who had aggrieved the stair-case pronounce with an audible the plaintiff; and, after some debate, it was voice,-' Will your lordship please to be at agreed, that he should make a new transla- home when he calls?' It is not to be suption of some other saleable book, in opposi- posed that 1 was pleased at this discovery, tion to a former version belonging to the de- which I no sooner made, than, turning to my linquents, and print it in such a small size conductor,'I find,' said I,'his lordship is as would enable him to undersell their proper- disposed to be abroad to more people than ADVENTURES OF PEREGRINE PICKLE. 307 me this morning.' The fellow (though a absent, was told by the person who sat next valet-de-chambre) blushed at this observation; to him, that the poet had foul weather at and I withdrew, not a little irritated at the home, and could not stir abroad. "What?" peer's disingenuity, and fully resolved to (said the president interposing, with the spare him my visits for the future. It was signal upon his countenance) "is he windnot long after this occasion, that I happened bound in port?"." Winebound, I suppose," to meet him in the Park; and being naturally cried another. "Hooped with wine! a civil, I could not pass him without a saluta- strange metaphor!" said the third. "Not tion of the hat, which he returned in the if he has got into a hogshead," answered the most distant manner, though we were both fourth. "The hogshead will sooner get into solitary, and not a soul within view; and him," —replied a fifth,-"it must be a tun when that very performance, which he had or an ocean. " "No wonder, then, if he applauded so warmly, was lately published by should be overwhelmed," said a sixth. "If subscription, he did not bespeak so much as he should," cried a seventh, "he will cast up one copy. I have often reflected with when his gall breaks." "That must be very wonder upon this inconsistency in his con- soon," roared an eighth, "for it has been long duct. I never courted his patronage, nor ready to burst." "No, no," observed a indeed thought of his name, until he made ninth, "he'll stick fast at the bottom, take interest for nmy acquaintance; and if he was my word for it; he has a natural alacrity disappointed in my conversation, why did he in sinking." "And yet," remarked a tenth, press me so much to further connexion?" " I have seen him in the clouds." " Then " The case is very clear," cried the chair- was he cloudy, I suppose," cried the eleventh: man, interrupting him, " he is one of those " so dark," replied the other,' that his meanconnoisseurs who set up for taste, and value ing could not be perceived." " For all that," themselves upon knowing all men of genius, said the twelfth, "he is easily seen through." whom they would be thought to assist in "You talk," answered the thirteenth, "as if their productions. I will lay an even bet his head was made of glass." "No, no," with any man, that his lordship, on the cried a fourteenth, "his head is made of strength of that slender interview, together more durable stuff; it will bend before it with the opportunity of having seen your breaks." "Yet I have seen it broken," reperformance in manuscript, has already hint- sumed the president. "Did you perceive ed to every company in which he is convers- any wit come out at the hole 3" said another. ant, that you solicited his assistance in re- "His wit," replied the chairman, "is too touching the piece, which you have now of- subtile to be perceived." fered to the public, and that he was pleased A third mouth was just opened, when the to favour you with his advice, but found you exercise was suddenly interrupted by the obstinately bigoted to your own opinion, in dreadful cry of fire, which issued from the some points relating to those very passages kitchen, and involved the whole college in which have not met with the approbation of confusion. Every man endeavouring to be the town. As for his caresses, there was the first in making his exit, the door and nothing at all extraordinary in his behaviour. passage were blocked up; each individual By that time you have lived to my age, you was pommelled by the person that happened will not be surprised to see a courtier's pro- to be behind him. This communication inise and performance of a different coin- produced noise and exclamation; clouds of plexion; not but that I would willingly act smoke rolled upwards into the apartment, as an auxiliary in your resentment." and terror sat on every brow; when Pere. The opinion of the president was strength- grine, seeing no prospect of retreating by ened by the concurrence of all the members; the door, opened one of the windows, and and all other complaints and memorials fairly leaped into the street, where he found being deferred till another sitting, the college a crowd of people assembled to contribute proceeded to an exercise of wit, which was their assistance in extinguishing the flames. generally performed once every fortnight, Several members of the college followed his with a view to promote the expectoration example, and happily accomplished their of genius. The subject was occasionally escape: the chairman himself, beingunwillchosen by the chairman, who opened the ing to use the same expedient, stood trembgame with some shrewd remark naturally ling on the brink of descent, dubious of his arising from the conversation; and then the own agility, and dreading the consequence ball was tossed about, from one corner of the of such a leap, when a chair happening to room to the other, according to the motions pass, he laid hold on the opportunity, and by of the spirit. an exertion of his muscles, pitched upon the That the reader may have a just idea of top of the carriage, which was immediately this sport, and of the abilities of those who overturned in the kennel, to the grievous carried it on, I shall repeat the sallies of this annoyance of the fare, which happened to be evening, according to the order and success- a certain effeminate beau, in full dress, on ion in which they escaped. One of the his way to a private assembly. members observing that Mr Metaphor was This phantom, hearing the noise overheads 26' 308,SMOLLETT'S SELECT WORKS. and feeling the shock of being overthrown demand, after he had lent him money to the at the same time, thought that some whole amount of a considerable sum. Our young tenement had fallen upon the chair, and, in gentleman, therefore, understanding that the the terror of being crushed to pieces, uttered author was penitent, and disposed to make a a scream, which the populace supposed to reasonable submission, promised to employ proceed from the mouth of a woman; and his influence with the creditor towards an therefore went to his assistance, while the accommodation; and in a few days actually chairmen, instead of ministering to his oc- obtained his release. casions, no sooner recollected themselves, The social duties being discharged, the than they ran in pursuit of their overthrower, conversation took a general turn, and several who, being accustomed to escape from bail- new productions were freely criticised; those iffs, dived into a dark alley, and vanishing especially which belonged to authors who in a trice, was not visible to any living soul, were either unconnected with, or unknown until he appeared next day on Tower-hill. to the college. Nor did the profession of The humane part of the mob, who bestir- stage-playing escape the cognizance of the red themselves for the relief of the supposed assembly; a deputation of the most judicious lady, no sooner perceived their mistake in members being sent weekly to each theatre, the appearance of the beau, who stared with a view of making remarks upon the peraround him with horror and affright, than formance of the actors. The censors for the their compassion was changed into mirth, preceding week were accordingly called upon and they began to pass a great many un- to give in their report; and the play which savoury jokes upon his misfortune, which they had reviewed was the Revenge. they now discovered no inclination to al- "MrQ-," said the second censor, "take leviate; and he found himself very uncomfort- him all in all, is certainly the most complete ably beset, when Pickle, pitying his situa- and unblemished performer that ever appeared tion, interposed in his behalf, and prevailed on our stage, notwithstanding the blind adoupon the chairmen to carry him into the ration which is paid to his rival. I went two house of an apothecary in the neighbour- nights ago, with an express design to criticise hood, to whom his mischance proved a very his action: I could find no room for censure, advantageous accident; for the fright operat- but infinite subject for admiration and aped so violently upon his nerves, that he was plause. In Pierre he is great, inl Othello seized with a delirium, and lay a whole fort- excellent, but in Zanga beyond all imitation. night deprived of his senses; during which Over and above the distinctness of pronunperiod he was not neglected in point of me- ciation, the dignity of attitude, and expressdicines, food, and attendance, but royally ion of face, his gestures are so just and sigregaled, as appeared by the contents of his nificant, that a man, though utterly bereft of landlord's bill. the sense of hearing, might, by seeing him Our adventurer having seen this unfortu- only, understand the meaning of every word nate beau safely housed, returned to the he speaks! Sure nothirg caxn be more exscene of the other calamity, which, as it was quisite than his manne, of telling Isabella no other than a foul chimney, soon yielded how Alonzo behaved, wNhen he found the to the endeavours of the family, and was incendiary letter vsl(,il he had dropt by the happily overcome, without ary other bad Moor's direction, and when, to crown his consequence than that of alarmingthe neigh- vengeance, he uibcovers himself to be the hours, disturbing the college, and disorder- contriver of all c,,e mischief that had happening the brain of a beau. ed, he manibss a perfect masterpiece of Eager to be acquainted with the particular action, in piratouncing these four little monoconstitutions of a society which seemed to syllables, know then,'twas-I." open upon him by degrees, Mr Pickle did Peregrine having eyed the critic some not fail to appear at the next meeting, when minutes, "I fancy," said he, "your praise several petitions were laid before the board, must be ironical, because, in the very two in behalf of those members who were con- situations you mention, I think I have seen fined in the prisons of the Fleet, Marshalsea, that player out-herod Herod, or, in other and King's Bench. As those unhappy au- words, exceed all his other extravagances. thors expected nothing from their brethren The intention of the author is, that the Moor but advice and good offices, which did not should communicate to his confidant a piece concern the purse, the memorials were con- of information contained in a few lines, which, sidered with great care and humanity; and doubtless, ought to be repeated with an air of upon this occasion, Peregrine had it in his eagerness and satisfaction, not with the ridipower to manifest his importance to the com- culous grimace of a monkey, to which, me.. munity; for he happened to be acquainted thought, his action bore an intimate resem. with the creditor of one of the prisoners, and blance, in uttering this plain sentence, knew that gentleman's severity was owing'he took it up; to his resentment at the behaviour of the But scarce was it unfolded to his sight, debtor, who had lampooned him in print, When he, as if an arrow pierc'd his eye, because he refused to comply -with a fresh Started, and trembling dropt it on the ground. ADVENTURES OF PEREGRINE PICKLE. 309 In pronouncing the first two words, this room, except when he was so situated that egregious actor stoops down, and seems to he could not stir without incommoding the take up something from the stage, then pro- company, and in that case he contented himceeding to report what follows, mimics the self with neighing aloud; if a dog happened manner of unfolding a letter; when he men- to be the subject of his conversation, he tions the simile of an arrow piercing the eye, wagged his tail, and grinned in a most signihe darts his fore-finger towards that organ, ficant manner; and one day he expressed then recoils, with great violence, when the his desire of going backwards with such naword started is expressed; and when he tural imitation of his purpose, that every comes to trembling dropt it on the ground, body in the room firmly believed he had he throws all his limbs into a tremulous mo- actually over-shot himself, and fortified their tion, and shakes the imaginary paper from nostrils accordingly. Yet no man ever lookhis hand. The latter part of the description ed upon this virtuoso to be the standard of is carried on with the same minute gesticu- propriety in point of speaking and deportlation, while he says, ment. For my own part, I confess the Pale and agbast awhille my victim stood, player in question would, by dint of these Disguis'da sigh or two, andt pui'd them from him; qualifications, make a very good figure in the Then rubb'd his brow, and took it up) again. character of Pantaloon's ]acquey, in the entertainment of Perseus and Andromeda, The player's countenance assumes a wild and perhaps might acquire some reputation, stare, he sighs twice most piteously, as if he by turning the Revenge into a pantomime; were on the point of suffocation, scrubs his in which case, I would advise him to come forehead, and, bending his body, apes the upon the stage, provided with a handful of action of snatching an object from the floor. flour, in order to besmear his face when he Nor is this dexterity of dumb-show omitted, pronounces pale and aghast, &c. and mewhen he concludes his imitation in these thinks he ought to illustrate the adder with:hree lines; an hideous hiss. But let us now come to At first he look'd as if he meant to read it; the other situation, in which this modern But, check'd by rising fears, he crushed it thus, Esopus is supposed to distinguish himself so But 6 much, I mean that same eclaircissement Ansd thrust it like an adder, in his bosom. much, I mean that same eclairissement comprehended in know then,'twas —I. Here the judicious performer imitates the His manner, I own, may be altered since I confusion and concern of Alonzo, seems to was present at the representation of that cast his eyes upon something, from which performance: but certain I am, when I beheld they are immediately withdrawn with horror him in that critical conjuncture, his behaviour and precipitation, then shutting his fist with appeared to me so uncouth, that I really a violent squeeze, as if he intended to make imagined he was visited by some epileptic immediate application to Isabella's nose, he distemper; for he stood tottering and gasping rams it in his own bosom, with all the horror for the space of two minutes, like a man and agitation of a thief taken in the manner. suddenly struck with the palsy; and, after Were the player debarred the use of speech, various distortions and side shakings, as if and obliged to act to the eyes only of the he had got fleas in his doublet, heaved up audience, this mimicry might be a necessary from his lungs the letter I, like a huge conveyance of his meaning: but when he is anchor from foul ground." at liberty to signify his ideas by language, This criticism was acceptable te the nothing can be more trivial, forced, un- majority of the college, who had no great natural, and antic, than this superfluous veneration for the player in question, and mummery. Not that I would exclude from his admirer, without making any reply, askthe representation the graces of action, with- ed in a whisper, of the gentleman who sat ut which the choicest sentiments, clothed next to him, if Pickle had not offered some in the most exquisite expression, would ap- production to the stage, and met with a repear unanimated and insipid; but these are pulse 3 as different from this ridiculous burlesque, as is the demeanour of a Tully in the rostrum, from the tricks of a jack-pudding on a CHAPTER XCV. mountebank's stage; and, for the truth of what I allege, I appeal to the observation of The young gentleman is introduced to a any person who has considered the elegance virtuoso of the Jirst order, and comof attitude and propriety of gesture, as they mences yelper. are universally acknowledged in the real characters of life. Indeed I have known a HITHERTO PeregrTine had professed himself Gascon, whose limbs were as eloquent as his an author without reaping the fruits of thac tongue; he never mentioned the word sleep occupation, except the little fame he had without reclining his head upon his hand; acquired by his late satire; but now he when he had occasion to talk of a horse, he thought it high time to weigh solid pudding always started up and trotted across the against emptypraise, and therefore engaged 310 SMOLLETT'S SELECT WORKS. with some booksellers in a certain translation tion, spirit, and address, who could not fail which he obliged himself to perform for the to make a figure in the world; that therefore consideration of two hundred pounds. The he would be a creditable addition to the subarticles of agreement being drawn, he began ordinates of such a patron, and by his qualihis task with great eagerness, rose early in fications, intrepidity, and warmth of temper, the morning to his work, at which he labour- turn out a consummate herald of his tame. ed all day long, went abroad with the bats in Upon these considerations, he met with a the evening, and appeared. in the coffee- most engaging reception from the enterhouse, where he amused himself with the tainer, who was a well-bred man, of some newspapers and conversation till nine learning, generosity, and taste; but his foible o'clock; then he retired to his own apart- was the desire of being thought the inimitment, and, after a slight repast, betook him- able patron of all three. self to rest, that he might be able to unroost It was with a view to acquire and support with the cock. This sudden change from this character that his house was open to all his former way of life agreed so ill with his those who had any pretensions to literature; disposition, that, for the first time, he was consequently he was surrounded by a strange troubled with flatulences and indigestion, variety of pretenders; but none were diswhich produced anxiety and dejection of couraged, because he knew that even the spirits; and the nature of his situation began most insignificant might, in some shape, conin some measure to discompose his brain; a duce to the propagation of his praise. A discovery which he no sooner made, than he babbler, though he cannot run upon the scent, had recourse to the advice of a young physi- may spring the game, and, by his yelping, cian, who was a member of the college of help to fill up the cry: no wonder, then, that authors, at this time one of our hero's most a youth of Pickle's accomplishment was adintimate acquaintance. mitted, and even invited into the pack. The son of 2Esculapius, having considered After having enjoyed a very short private auhis case, imputed his disorder to the right dience in the closet, our young gentleman cause, namely, want of exercise; dissuaded was shown into another room, where half a him from such close application to study, dozen of his fellow-adherents waited for until he should be gradually familiarized to a their Maecenas, who in a few minutes appearsedentary life; advised him to enjoy his ed, with a most gracious aspect, received the friend and his bottle in moderation, and compliments of the morning, and sat down wean himself from his former customs by to breakfast in the midst of them, without degrees; and, above all things, to rise im- any further ceremony. mediately after his first sleep, and exercise The conversation at first turned upon the himself in a morning's walk. In order to weather, which was investigated in a very render this last part of the prescription the philosophical manner by one of the company, more palatable, the doctor promised to attend who seemed to have consulted all the barohim in these early excursions, and even to meters and thermometers that ever were inintroduce him to a certain personage of note, vented, before he would venture to affirm who gave a sort of public breakfasting to that it was a chill morning. This subject the minor virtuosi of the age, and often em- being accurately discussed, the chief inquired ployed his interest in behalf of those who about the news of the learned world; and properly cultivated his countenance and ap- his inclination was no sooner expressed than probation. every guest opened his mouth, in order to This proposal was extremely acceptable to ratify his curiosity; but he that first capour young gentleman, who, besides the ad- tivated his attention, was a meagre shrivelled vantage which might accrue to him from antiquary, who looked like an animated such a valuable connection, foresaw much' mummy, which had been scorched among entertainment and satisfaction in the dis' the sands of the desert. He told the patron, course of so many learned guests. The oc- that he had, by accident, met with a Inedal, casions of his health and interest, moreover, which, though it was defaced by time, he coincided in another circumstance; the mi- would venture to pronounce a genuine annister's levee being kept betimes in the tique, from the ringing and taste of the morning, so that he could perform his walk, metal, as well as from the colour and comyield his attendance, and breakfast at this position of the rust: so saying, he produced philosophical board, without encroaching a a piece of copper coin, so consumed and disgreat deal upon his other avocations. guised by age, that scarce a vestige of the Measures being thus preconcerted, the impression was to be perceived. Neverphysician conducted our adventurer to the theless, this connoisseur pretended to dis.. house of this celebrated sage, to whom he tinguish a face in profile, from which he recommended him as a gentleman of genius concluded that the piece was of the Upper and taste, who craved the honour of his ac- Empire, and on the reverse he endeavoured to quaintance; but he had previously smoothed point out the bulb of the spear, and part of the way to his introduction, by representing the parazonium, which were the insignia of Peregrine as a young fellow of great ambi- the Roman Virtus, together with the frag, ADVENTURES OF PEREGRINE PICKLE. 311 ment of one fold of the multicium in which matical turn, who valued himself upon the she was clothed. He likewise had discover- improvements he had made in several doed an angle of the letter N, and at some mestic machines, and now presented the plan distance an entire I; from these circum- of a new contrivance for cutting cabbages, stances conjecturing, and indeed concluding, in such a manner as would secure the stock that the medal was struck by Severus, in against the rotting rain, and enable it to prohonour of the victory he obtained over his duce a plenteous after-crop of delicious rival Niger, after he had forced the passes of sprouts. In this important machine he had Mount Taurus. This criticism seemed very united the whole mechanic powers, with satisfactory to the entertainer, who having such massy complication of iron and wood, examined the coin by the help of his spec- that it could not have been moved without tacles, plainly discerned the particulars which the assistance of a horse, and a road made the owner had mentioned, and was pleased for the convenience of the draught. These to term his account of the matter a very in- objections were so obvious, that they occurgenious explanation. red at first sight to the inspector-general, who The curiosity was circulated through the greatly commended the invention, which, he hands of all present; and every virtuoso, in observed, might be applied to several other his turn, licked the copper, and rung it upon useful purposes, could it once be rendered a the hearth, declaring his assent to the judg- little more portable and commodious. ment which had been pronounced. At length The inventor, who had not foreseen these it fell under the inspection of our young difficulties, was not prepared to surmount gentleman, who, though no antiquarian, was them; but he took the hint in good part, and very well acquainted with the current coin promised to task his abilities anew, in alterof his own country, and no sooner cast his ing the construction of his design. Not but eyes upon the valuable antique, than he af- that he underwent some severe irony from firmed, without hesitation, that it was no the rest of the virtuosi, who complimented other than the ruins of an English farthing, him upon the momentous improvement he and that same spear, parazonium, and multi- had made, by which a family might save a cium; the remains of the emblems and dish of greens in a quarter, for so trifling an drapery with which the figure of Britannia is expense as that of purchasing, working, and delineated on our copper money. maintaining such a stupendous machine; but This hardy asseveration seemed to dis- no man was ever more sarcastic in his reconcert the patron, while it incensed the marks upon his piece of mechanism than the medallist, who, grinning like an enraged ba- naturalist, who next appealed to the patron's boon,-" What d'ye tell me of a brass far- approbation for a curious disquisition he had thing?" said he, "' did you ever know modern made touching the procreation of muck-flies, brass of such a relish? do but taste it young in which he had laid down a curious method gentleman; and sure I am, if you have ever of collecting, preserving, and hatching the been conversant with subjects of this kind, eggs of these insects, even in the winter, by you will find as wide a difference in the certain modifications of artificial heat. The savour between this and an English farthing, nature of this discovery was no sooner comas can possibly be perceived betwixt an onion municated, than Peregrine, unable to contain and a turnip: besides, this medal has the himself, was seized with a fit of laughter, true Corinthian ring; then the attitude is which infected every person at the table, upright, whereas that of Britannia is reclin- the landlord himself not excepted, who found ing; and how is it possible to mistake a it impossible to preserve his wonted gravity branch of palm for a parazonium." of face. All the rest of the company espoused the Such unmannerly mirth did not fail to virtuoso's side of the question, because the mortify the philosopher, who, after some reputation of each was concerned. The pause, during which indignation and disdain patron, finding himself in the same circum- were painted in his countenance, reprehendstance, assumed a solemnity of feature, dash- ed our young gentleman for his unphilosoed with a small mixture of displeasure, and phical behaviour, and undertook to prove, that told Peregrine, that as he had not made that the subject of his inquiry was of infinite branch of literature his particular study, he consequence to the progress and increase of was not surprised to see him mistaken in his natural knowledge; but he found no quarter opinion. Pickle immediately understood the from the vengeful engineer, who now retortreproof, though he was shocked at the vanity ed his ironical compliments, with great emor infatuation of his entertainer and fellow- phasis, upon this hot-bed for the generation guests, asked pardon for his presumption, of vermin, and advised him to lay the whole which war accordingly excused, in considera- process before the Royal Society, which tion of his inexperience: and the English would, doubtless, present him with a medal, farthing was dignified with the title of a true and give him a place among their memoirs, antique. as a distinguished promoter of the useful The next person that addressed himself to arts. "If," said he, "you had employed Lhe chief, was a gentleman of a very mathe- your studies in finding out some effectual 312M~ SMOLLETT'S SELECT WORKS. method to destroy those insects which pre- society of yelpers, though he did not as yet judice and annoy mankind, in all probability fully understand the nature of his office, you must have been contented with the con- which was explained by the young physician, templation of the good you had done; but who chid him for his blunt behaviour in the this curious expedient for multiplying mag- case of the medal; and gave him to undergots will surely entitle you to an honourable stand that their patron's favour was neither rank in the list of learned philosophers." to be gained nor preserved by any man that "I don't wonder," replied the naturalist, would pretend to convict him of a mistake; "that you should be so much averse to the he therefore counselled him to respect this propagation of insects, because, in all likeli- foible, and cultivate the old gentleman with hood, you are afraid that they will not leave all the zeal and veneration which a regard to you a cabbage to cut down with the same his own character would permit him to say. miraculous machine." "Sir," answered the This task was the easier to one of our young mechanic, with great bitterness of voice and gentleman's pliant disposition, because the aspect, "if the cabbage be as lightheaded as virtuoso's behaviour was absolutely free from some muck-worm philosophers, it will not be that insolent self-conceit, which he could not worth cutting down." "I never dispute bear without disgust; the senior was, on the upon cabbage with the son of a cucumber," contrary, mild and beneficent; and Pickle said the fly-breeder, alluding to the pedigree was rather pleased than shocked at his weakof his antagonist; who, impatient of the ness; because it flattered his vanity with the affront, started up with fury in his looks, ex- supposition of his own superior sense. claiming, " Sdeath! meaning me, sir?" Cautioned in this manner, Peregrine proHere the patron, perceiving things draw- fited so much by his insinuating qualificaing towards a rupture, interposed his author- tions, that, in a very little time, he was looked ity, rebuking them for their intemperance, upon as one of the chief favourites of the and recommending to them amity and con- patron, to whom he dedicated a small occacord against the Goths and Vandals of the sional poem; and every body believed he age, who took all opportunities of ridiculing would reap the fruits of his attachment and discouraging the adherenti of knowledge among the first of the old gentleman's deand philosophy. After this exhortation they pendents. had no pretence for carrying on the dispute, which was dropt in all appearance, though the mechanic still retained his resentment; CHAPTER XCVI. and after breakfast, when the company broke up, accosted his adversary in the street, de- Peregrine, finding himself neglected by Sir siring to know how he durst be so insolent Steady Steerwell, expostulates with him as to make that scurrilous reflection upon his in a letter; in consequence of which he family. The fly-fancier, thus questioned, is forbid his house, loses his pension, and accused the mathematician of having been incurs the charge of lunacy. the aggressor, in likening his head to a light cabbage: and here the altercation being re- TIs prospect of success, together with his newed, the engineer proceeded to the illus- expectations from the minister, whom he did tration of his mechanics, tilting up his not neglect, helped to comfort him under the hand like a balance, thrusting it forward by reverse of fortune which he had undergone, way of lever, embracing the naturalist's nose and the uncertainty of the law-suit, which he like a wedge betwixt two of his fingers, and still maintained fbr the recovery of his ten turning it round with the momentum of a thousand pounds. The lawyers, indeed, screw or peritrochium. Had they been oh- continued to drain his pocket of money, liged to decide the dispute with equal arms, while they filled his brain with unsubstantial the assailant would have had great advantage hope; and he was actually obliged to borrow over the other, who was very mdch his in- money from his bookseller, on the strength ferior in muscular strength: but the philo- of the translation, in order to satisfy the desopher being luckily provided with a cane, mands of those ravenous harpies, rather than no sooner disengaged himself from this op- lay the misanthrope under any difficulties, or probrious application, than he handled his have recourse to his friend Hatchway, who weapon with great dexterity about the head lived at the garrison entirely ignorant of his and shoulders of his antagonist, who finding distress. This was not at all alleviated by this shower of blows very disagreeable, was the arrival of the Indiaman, in which he had fain to betake himself to his heels for shelter, ventured seven hundred pounds, as we have and was pursued by the angry victor, who already observed; for he was given to underchased him from one end of the street to the stand, that the borrower was left dangerousother, affording unspeakable satisfaction to ly ill at Bombay when the ship sailed, and the multitude, as well as to our hero and to that his chance for retrieving his money was his introductor, who were spectators of the extremely slender. whole scene. So situated, it is not to be supposed that Thus was our adventurer initiated into the he led a life of tranquillity, though he made ADVENTURES Ol' PEREGRINE PICKLE. 313 a shift to struggle with the remonstrances i this conference. Having exhausted himself of misfortune: yet such a gush of affliction in these vain exclamations, he returned to would sometimes rush upon his thought, as his lodgings in a most frantic condition,'; bitoverwhelmed all the ideas of his hope, and ing his lips so that the blood ran from his sunk him to the very bottom of despondence. mouth, dashing his head and fists against the Every equipage that passed him in the street, sides of his chimney, and weeping with the every person of rank and fortune that occur- most bitter expressions of woe. red to his view, recalled the gay images of Pipes, whose perception had been just sufhis former life, with such mortifying reflec- ficient to let him see that there was some diftion as stabbed him to the very soul. He ference between the present and former situlived, therefore, incessantly exposed to all ation of his master, overhearing his transthe pangs of envy and disquiet. When I ports, essayed to enter hiis apartment, with a say envy, I do not mean that sordid passion, view or administering consolation; and findin consequence of which a man repines at ing the door locked on the inside, desired his neighbour's success, howsoever deserved; admittance, protesting, that otherwise he but that self-tormenting indignation which is would down with the bulk-head in the turninspired by the prosperity of folly, ignorance ing of an handspike. Peregiine ordered him and vice. Without the intervening gleams to retire, on pain of his displeasure, and of enjoyment, which he felt in the conversa- swore, that if he should offer to break open tion of a few friends, he could not have sup- the door, he would instantly shoot him ported his existence; or, at least, he must through the head. Tom, without paying the have suffered some violent discomposure of least regard to this injunction, set himself.at the brain; but one is still finding some cir- work immediately. His master, exasperated cumstance of alleviation, even in the worst at his want of reverence and respect, which of qqnjunctures; and Pickle was so'ingenious in his present paroxysm appeared with the in these researches, that he maintained a most provoking aggravation, flew into his good battle with disappointment, till the revo- closet, and snatching up one of his pistols, lution of the term at which he had received already loaded, no sooner saw his valet enter his pension of three hundred pounds. the apartment, in consequence of having However,'seeing the day elapse, without forced the' lock, than he presented it full at touching his allowance, notwithstanding his his face, and drew the trigger. Happily the significant method of presenting himself at priming flashed in the pan, without communithe minister's levee, when the year was ex- cating with the' charge; so that his furious pired, he wrote a letter to Sir Steady, re- purpose did not take effect upon the counteminding him of his situation and promise, nance of honest Pipes, who, disregardful of and giving him to understand, that his oc- the attempt, though he knew the contents of casions were such as compelled him to de- the piece, asked, without the least alteration mand his salary for the ensuing year. of feature, if it must be foul weather through In the morning after this letter was con- the whole voyage. veyed, the author went to his honour's house, Peregrine, mad as he was, repented of his in expectation of being admitted by particular mischievous intent against such a faithful ad, order;'but was mistaken in his hope, the herent, in the very moment of execution; minister not being visible. He then made and had it proved fatal, according to the de. his appearance at the levee, in hopes of sign, in all probability he would have applied being closeted: but though he took all op- another to his own head. There are certain portunities of watching Sir Steady's eyes, considerations that strike upon the mind he could not obtain one glance, and had the with irresistible force, even in the midst of pleasure of seeing him retire, without being its distraction; the momentary recollection favoured with the least notice. These cir- of some particular scene, occasioned by-the cumstances of wilful neglect were not over features of the devoted victim, hath often and above agreeable to our young hero, who, struck the dagger from the assassin's hand. in the agonies of vexation and resentment, By such an impulse was Pipes protected went home, and composed a most acrimoni- fi-om any repeated effort of his master's rage; ous remonstrance to his honour; in conse- the friendly cause of his present disobediquence of which he was not only deprived ence flashed upon the conviction of Pereof all pretensions to a private audience, but grine, when he beheld the rugged front of expressly denied admittance on a public day, his valet, in which also stood disclosed his by Sir Steady's own order. long and faithful service, together with the This prohibition, which announced his recommendation of the deceased cormmototal ruin, filled him with rage, horror, and dore. despair. He insulted the porter. vho signi- Though his wrath Was immediately supfled the minisfer's command, threatening to pressed, and his heart torn with remorse for chastise him upon the spot for his pre- what he had done, his brows remained still sumption; and vented the most virulent im- contracted; and darting a most ferocious reprecations upon his master, to the astonish- gard at the intruder, —"Villain!" said he ment of those who chanced to enter during "how dare you treat me. with such dis. 2P 314 SMOLLETT'S SELECT WORKS. respect?" ".Why shouldn't I lend a hand for These admonitions were so much milder the preservation of the ship," answered the and more agreeable than our hero expected unruffled Pipes, "when there is more sail from the misanthrope, that they had a very than ballast aboard, and the pilot quits the favourable effect upon his transports, which helm in despair? What signifies one or two gradually subsided, until he became so tractbroken voyages, so long as our timbers are able as to promise that he would conform to strong, and our vessel in good trim. If she his advice; in consequence of which, he loses upon one tack, mayhap she may gain next morning waited upon his lordship, who upon t'other; and I'll be damn'd if one day received him very politely, as usual, and or other, we don't fetch up our lee-way: as with great patience heard his complaint, for the matter of provision, you have started which, by-the-by, he could not repeat witha pretty good stock of money into my hold, out some hasty ebullitions of passionate re and you are welcome to hoist it up again sentment. This peer, after having gently when you wool." disapproved of the letter of expostulation' Here Tom was interrupted by the arrival which had produced such unfortunate effects of Mr Crabtree, who seeing Peregrine with kindly undertook to recommend his case to a pistol in his hand, and such wild disorder the minister, and actually performed his proin his looks, his head, hands, and mouth be- mise that same.day, when Sir Steady insmeared with blood, and, moreover, smelling formed him, to his utter astonishment, that the gunpowder which had been burnt, ac- the poor young gentleman NWas disordered in tually believed he had either committed, or his brain, so that he could not possibly be was bent upon murder, and accordingly re- provided for in a place of importance, with treated down stairs with infinite dispatch. any regard to the service; and it. could not All his speed could not convey him without be expected that he (Sir Steady) would supthe reach of Pipes, who, overtaking him in port his extravagance from.his own private his passage, carried him back into his purse:-that he had, indeed, at the solicita. master's apartment, observing by the way, tion of a nobleman deceased, made him a that this was no time to sheer off, when his present of three hundred pounds, ill conrconsort stood in need of his assistance. sideration of some loss that he pretendpd to There was something so ruefully severe have sustained in an election; but, since in the countenance of' Cadwallader, thus that time, had perceived in him such indispucompelled, that, at any other time, our hero able marks of lunacy, both by his distracted would have laughed at his concern;.but at letters and personal behaviour, as obliged present there was nothing risible in his dis- hin to give orders that he should not be ad position: he had, however, laid aside his initted into the house. To corroborate this pistol, and endeavoured, though in vain, to assertion, the minister actually called in the coimpose hiis- internal disturbance for he evidence of his own porter, and one of the could not utter one syllable to the misan- gentlemen of his household, who had heard thr0ope, but'stood staring at him in silence, the execrations that escaped our youth, when with a most delirious aspect. This did not he first found himself excluded. In short, tend to dispel the dismay of his friend, who, the nobleman was convinced that Peregrine affter some recollection,-" I wonder," said was certainly and bonafide mad as a March he, "that you have never killed your man hare; and, by the help of this intimation, before. Pray how may you have disposed began to recollect some symptoms of disof the body v" Pickle having recovered the traction which appeared in his last visit: he facultyof speech, ordered his lacquey out of remembered a certain incoherence in his the room, and, in a most incoherent detail, speech, a violence of gesture and wildness made Crabtree acquainted with the perfidious of look, that now evidently denoted a disconlduct of the minister. turbed understanding; and he determined, The confidant'was very glad to find his for his own credit and security, to disenfears disappointed; for he had really con- tangle himself from such a dangerous accluded that some life'was lost. Perceiving quaintance. the youth too much' agitated to be treated by' With this view, he, in imitation of Sir him in'his' usual style, he owned that Sir Steady, commanded his gate to be shut Steady was a rascal, and encouraged Pickle against our adventurer; so that, when he with the hope'of'being one day able to inake went to know the result of his lordship's reprisals upon him; in the mean time offer- conference with the minister, the door was ed him money for his immediate occasions, flung in his'face, and the janitor told him exhorted him to exert his own qualifications through an iron grate, that he needed not to m rendering himself independent of such give hiinself the trouble of calling again, miscreants, and finally counselled him to re- for his lord. desired to be excused from seepresent his wrongs to the nobleman whom ing him. He spoke not a word in answer to he had formerly obliged, with a' view of in- this declaration, which he immediately im teresting that peer in his behalf; or at least puted to the ill offices of the minister, of obtaining a satisfactory explanation from against whom he breathed defiance and re. the minister, that he might take no prema, venge, in his way to the lodgings of Cad'ure measures of revenge. ADVENTURES OF PEREGRINE PICKLE. 315 wallader; who, being made acquainted with a man of sound intellects. At length, howthe manner of his reception, begged he ever, he ventured to make Pickle acquainted would desist from all schemes of vengeance, with the particulars he had learned, impartuntil he (Crabtree) should be able to unriddle ing them with such caution and circumthe mystery of the whole, which he did not locution as he thought necessary to prevent doubt of unveiling by means of his acquaint- the young gentleman from transgressing all ance with a family in which his lordship bounds of temper and moderation;-but, for often spent the evening at whist. once, he was agreeably deceived in his progIt was not long before he had the desired nostic. Incensed as our hero was at the opportunity; the nobleman being under no conduct of the minister, he could not help injunction, or obligation to keep the affair laughing at the ridiculous aspersion, which, secret, discovered the young gentleman's he told his friend, he would soon refute in a misfortune, by way of news, to the first manner that should not be very agreeable to company in which he happened to be; and his calumniator; observing, that it was a Peregrine's name was not so obscure in the common practice with the state pilot, thus to fashionable world, but that his disorder be- slander those people to whom he lay under caine the general topic of conversation for a obligations which he had no mind to disday; so that his friend soon partook of the charge. "True it is," said Peregrine, "he intelligence, and found means to learn the has succeeded more than once in contrivparticulars. of the minister's information, as ances of this kind, having actually reduced above related. Nay, he was in danger of divers people of weak heads. to such exbecoming a proselyte to Sir Steady's opinion, tremity of despair, as hath issued in downwhen he recalled and compared every cir- right distraction, whereby he was rid of cumstance which he knew of Pickle's im- their importunities, and his judgment conpatience and impetuosity. firmed at the same time: but I have now Indeed nothing more easily gains credit (thank Heaven) attained to such a pitch of than an imputation of madness fixed upon philosophical resolution, as will support me any person whatsoever; for when the suspi- against all his machinations; and I wilh cion of the world is roused, and its observa- forthwith exhibit the monster to the public, tion once set at work, the wisest, the coolest in his true lineaments of craft, perfidy, and man upon earth, will, by some particulars in ingratitude." his behaviour, convict himself of the charge: This indeed was the plan with which Mr every singularity in his dress and manner Pickle had amused himself during the re(arid such are observable in every person), searches of Crabtree; and by this time it so that before passed unheeded, now rises up in effectually flattered his imagination, that he judgment against him, with all the exag- believed he should be able to bring his adgeration of the observer's fancy; and the versary (in spite of all his power) to his own sagacious examiner perceives distraction in terms of submission,. by distinguishing himevery glance of the eye, turn of the finger, self in the list of those who, at that period, and motion of the head: when he speaks,' wrote against the administration. Nor was there is a strange peculiarity in his argu- this scheme so extravagant as it may seem ment and expression; when he holds his to be, had not he overlooked one material tongue, his imagination teems with some circumstance, which Cadwallader himself extravagant reverie: his sobriety of demean- did not recollect, when he approved of this our is no other than a lucid interval, and his project. passion mere delirium. While he thus meditated vengeance, the If people of the most sedate and insipid fame of his disorder, in due course of cirlife and conversation are subject to such cri- culation, reached the ears of that lady of ticisms, no wonder that they should take quality whose memoirs have already appearplace; upon a youth of Peregrine's fiery dis- ed in these adventures. The correspondence position, which, on some occasions, would with which she had honoured our hero had have actually justified any remarks of this been long broken off, for the reason already kind which his greatest enemies could make. advanced, namely, his dread of being exposHe was accordingly represented as one of ed to her infatuating charms. He had been those enterprising bucks, who, after having candid enough to make her acquainted with spent their fortunes in riot and-excess, are the cause of exiling himself from her prehappily bereft of their understanding, and sence; and she admitted the prudence of consequently insensible of the want and dis- self-restraint, although she would have. been grace which they have entailed upon them- very well satisfied with the continuance of selves. his intimacy and conversation, which were Cadwallader himself was so much affect- not at all beneath the desire of any lady in ed with the report, that for some time he the kingdom. Notwithstanding this interhesitated in his deliberations upon our hero, ruption, she still retained a friendship and before he could prevail upon himself to corn- regard for his character, and felti all the afmunicate to him the information he had re- fliction of a humane heart, atthe news of his ceived, or to treat him in other respects as misfortunes and deplorable distemper. She 27 316 SMOLLETT'S SELECT WORKS. had seen him courted and cultivated in the so easily as she seemed to imagine, he sunshine of his prosperity; but she knew, should never have given her cause to tax him from sad experience, how all those insect- with want of duty and respect. followers shrink away in the winter of Still dubious of his situation, she began to distress. Her compassion represented him converse with him on different subjects; and as a poor unhappy lunatic, destitute of all the he acquitted himself so well in every partinecessaries of life, dragging about the ruins cular, that she no longer doubted his having of human nature, and exhibiting the spec- been misrepresented by the malice of his tacle of blasted youth to the scorn and ab- enemies, and candidly told him the cause horrence of his fellow-creatures. Aching and intent of her coming. He was not dewith these charitable considerations, she ficient in expressions of gratitude for this found means to learn in what part of the instance of her generosity and friendship, town he lodged; and laying aside all super- which even drew tears from his eyes. As fluous ceremony, went in a hackney chair to to the imputation of madness, he explained his door, which was opened by the ever it so much to her ladyship's satisfaction, faithful Pipes. that she evidently perceived he had been Her ladyship immediately recollected the barbarously dealt with, and that the charge features of his trusty follower, whom she was no other than a most villainous aspercould not help loving in her heart for his at- sion. tachment and fidelity, which, after she had Notwithstanding all his endeavours to applauded with a most gracious commenda- conceal the true state of his finances, it was ltion, she kindly inquired after the state of impossible for him to give this detail, withhis master's health, and asked if he was in a out disclosing some of the difficulties under condition to be seen. which he laboured; and her ladyship's saTom, who could not suppose that the gacity divining the rest, she not only made visit of a fine lady would be unacceptable to him a tender of assistance, but, presenting a a youth of Peregrine's complexion, made no bank-note for a considerable sum, insisted verbal reply to the question; but beckoning upon his acceptance of it, as a trifling mark'her ladyship with an arch significance of of her esteem, and a specimen of what she feature, at which she could not forbear smil- was inclined to do in' his behalf. But this ing, walked softly up stairs; and she, in mark of her benevolence he would by no obedience to the signal, followed her guide means receive; assuring her, that, though into the apartment of our hero, whom she his affairs were at present a little perplexed, found at a writing-table, in the very act of he had never felt the least circumstance of composing an eulogium upon his good friend distress, and begging that she would not Sir Steady. The nature of his work had subject him to the burden of such an unanimated his countenance with an uncommon necessary obligation. degree of vivacity; and being dressed in a Being obliged to put up with this refilsal, neat dishabille, his figure could not have ap- she protested she would never forgive him, peared to more advantage in the eye of a should she ever hear that he rejected her person who despised the tinsel of unnecessary offer, when he stood in need of her aid; or ornament. She was extremely well pleased if, in time to come, he should not apply to to see her expectations so agreeably dis- her friendship, if ever he should find himself appointed; for, instead of the squalid cir- incommoded in point of fortune: "An overcumstances and wretched looks attending in- delicacy in this respect," said she, " I shall digence and distraction, every thing was de- look upon as a disapprobation of my own cent and genteel; and the patient's aspect conduct; because I myself have been obliged such as betokened internal satisfaction. to have recourse to my friends in such Hearing the rustling of silk in his room, he emergencies." lifted up his eyes from the paper, and seeing These generous remonstrances and marks her ladyship, was struck with astonishment of particular friendship could not fail to and awe, as at the unexpected apparition of make a deep impression upon the heart of some supernatural being. our hero, which still smarted from the forBefore he could recollect himself from his mer impulse of her charms; he not only felt confusion, which called the blood into his all those transports which a man of honour cheeks, she told him, that, on the strength of and sensibility may be supposed to feel upon old acquaintance, she was come to visit him, such an occasion, but the sentiments of a though it was a long time since he had given more tender passion awaking in his breast, her good reason to believe that he had abso- he could not help expressing himself in'utely forgot that there was such a person as terms adapted to the emotions of his soul; she in being. After having made the most and at length plainly told her, that, were he warm acknowledgements for this unforeseen disposed to be a beggar, he would ask somehonour, he assured her ladyship that the thing of infinitely more importance to his subject of her reproach was not his fault, peace than the charitable assistance she had but rather his very great misfortune; and proffered. that, if it had been in his power to forget her Her ladyship had too much penetration to ADVENTURES OF PEREGRINE PICKLE. 317 mistake his meaning; but, as she did not tachment for the fair Emilia, who, by all acchoose to encourage his advances, pretended counts, deserves the whole of your attention co interpret his intimation into a general and regard." His nerves thrilled at mention compliment of gallantry, and, in a jocose of that name, which he never heard promanner, desired he would. not give her any nounced without agitation. Rather than unreason to believe his lucid interval was past. dergo the consequence of a conversation "In faith, my lady," said he, "I perceive the upon this subject, he chose to drop the fit coming on; and I don't see why I may not theme of love altogether, and industriously use the privilege of my distemper, so far as introduced some other topic of discourse. to declare myself one of your most passionate admirers." "If you do," replied her ladyship, " I shall not be fool enough to be- CHAPTER XCVII. lieve a madman, unless I were assured that your disorder proceeded from your love; and He writes against the minister, by whose that this was the case, I suppose you will instigation he is arrested, and moves find it difficult to prove." "Nay, madam," himself by habeas corpus into the Fleet. cried the youth, "I have in this drawer what will convince you of mry having been mad on MY lady having prolonged her stay beyond that strain; and, since you doubt my pre- the period of a common visit, and repeated tension, you must give me leave to produce her protestations in the most frank and obmy testimonials." So saying, he opened a liging manner, took her leave of our advenscrutoire, and taking out a paper, presented turer, who promised to pay-his respects to her with the following song, which he had:her in a few days at her own house. Meanwritten in her praise, immediately after he while, he resumed his task; and having was made acquainted with the particulars of finished a most severe remonstrance against her story. Sir Steady, not only with regard to his private" ingratitude, but also to his mal-administration While witlh fosndl raptlure: ancd amaze: of public affairs, he sent it to the author of a On thy transcendent csharms I gaze, weekly paper, who had been long a professed My cautious soul essays iil Yain: reformer in politics; and it appeared in Ia Her peace and freedom to maintain; * very few days, with a note of the publisher, Yet let that blooming form divine, desiring the favour of furthercorrespondence Where grace and harmony combine; with the author. Those eyes, like genial orbs that nmove, The animadversions contained in this Dispensing gladness, joy, and love, small essay were so spirited and judicious, In all their pomp assail my view, and a great many new lights thrown upon Intent my bosom to subdue; the subject with such perspicuity, as attractMy breast, by wary maxims steel'd, ed the notice of the public in an extraNot all those charms shall force to yield. ordinary manner, and helped to raise the 1I.. character of the paper in which it was inserted. The minister was not the last who But, when invok'd to b.eauty's aid, 1 see th' enlightend soul isplad examined the performance, which, in spite That soul so sensibly sedate of all his boasted temper, provoked him to Amid the storms of friowar d1 fate! such a degree, that he set his emissaries at Thy genius active, strong, and clear, work, and by dint of corruption, procured a Thy wit sublime, though not severe, sight of'the manuscript in Peregrine's own The social ardour, void of art, hand-writing, which he immediately reThat glows within thy candid heart; cognised; but, for further confirmation of My spirits, sense, and strength decay, his opinion, he compared it with the two My resolution dies away, letters which he had received from our adAnd, every faculty oppress'd, venturer. Had he known the young gentleAlmighty love invades my breast! man's talents for declamation were so acute, perhaps he would never have given him Her ladyship having perused this produc- cause to complain, but employed him in the Lion, "Were I inclined to be suspicious," said vindication of his own measures, nay, he she, "I should believe that I have no share might still have treated him like some other in producing this composition, which seems authors whom he had brought over from the to have been inspired by a much more arni- opposition, had not the keenness of this first able object. Ilovever, I will take your assault incensed him to a desire of revesige. word for your intention, and thank you for He, therefore, no sooner made this discovery, the unmerited compliment, though I have than he conveyed his directions to his demet with it in such an accidental manner. pendent the receiver-general, who was posNevertheless, I must be so free as to tell sessed of Pickle's notes. Next day, while you, it is now high time for you to contract, our author stood within a circle of his acthat unbounded spirit of gallantry, which you. quaintance, at a certain coffeehouse, holding have indulged so long, into a sincere at- forth with great eloquence upon the diseases 318 SMOLLETT'S SELECT WORKS. of the state, he was accosted by a bailiff, peace and contentment, which I have not who, -entering the room with five or six been able to find in all the scenes of my sucfollowers, told him aloud, that he had a writ cess. In being detached from the world 1 against him for twelve hundred pounds, at shall be delivered from folly and ingratitude, the suit of Mr Ravage Gleanum. - as well as exempted from an expense, which The whole company were astonished at I should have found it very difficult, if not this address, which did not fail to discompose impracticable, to support; I shall have little the defendant himself, who (as it were in- or no temptation to mis-spend my time, and stinctively), in the midst of his confusion, more undisturbed opportunity to earn my saluted the officer across the head with his subsistence, and prosecute my revenge. cane; in consequence of which application, After all, a jail is the best tub to which a he was surrounded and disarmed in an in- cynic philosopher can retire." stant by the gang, who carried him off to the In consequence of these comfortable renext tavern in the most opprobrious manner. flections, he sent a letter to Mr Crabtree, Nor did one of the spectators interpose in with an account of his misfortune, signifying his behalf, or visit him in his confinement his resolution to move himself immediately with the least tender of advice or assist- into the Fleet, and desiring that he would ance; such is the zeal of a coffeehouse send him some understanding attorney of his friendship. acquaintance, who would direct him into the This stroke was the more severe upon our steps necessary to be taken for that purpose. hero, as it was altogether unexpected; for The misanthrope, upon the receipt of this he had utterly forgot the debt for which he intimation, went in person to a lawyer, was arrested. His present indignation was, whom he accompanied to the spunging-house however, chiefly kindled against the bailiff, whither the prisoner had by this time retired. who had done his office in such a disrespect- Peregrine was, under the auspices of his ful manner; and the first use he made of his director, conducted to the judge's chamber, recollection in the house to which they con- where he was left in the custody of a tipducted him, was to chastise him for the in- staff; and, after having paid for a warrant solence and indecency of his behaviour. of habeas corpus, by him conveyed to the This task he performed with his bare fists, Fleet, and delivered to the care of the every other weapon being previously con- warden. veyed out of his reach; and the delinquent Here he was introduced to the lodge, in underwent his discipline with surprising pa- which he was obliged to expose himself a tience and resignation, asking pardon with full half-hour to the eyes of all the turnkeys great humility, and protesting before God, and door-keepers, who took an accurate that he had never willingly and wittingly survey of his person, that they might know used any gentleman with ill manners, but him again at first sight; and then he was had been commanded to arrest our adven- turned loose into the place called the turer according to the express direction of master's side, having given a valuable conthe creditor, on pain of forfeiting his place. sideration for that privilege. This is a large By this declaration Peregrine was appeas- range of building, containing some hundreds ed, and, out of a delirium of passion, waked of lodging-rooms for the convenience of to all the horrors of reflection. All the glory the prisoners, who pay so much per week of his youth was now eclipsed, all the bloss- for that accommodation. In short, this comoms of his hope were blasted, and he -saw munity is like a city detached from all comhimself doomed to the miseries of a jail, munication with the neighbourino parts, rewithout the least prospect of enlargement, gulated by its own laws, and furnished with except in the issue of his lawsuit, of which peculiar conveniences for the use of the inhe had, for some time past, grown less and habitants. There is a coffeehouse for the less confident every day. What would be- resort of gentlemen, in which all sorts of come of the unfortunate, if the constitution liquors are kept, and a public kitchen, where of the mind did not permit them to bring one any quantity of meat is sold at a very reasonpassion into the field against anotherl pass- able rate, or any kind of provision boiled and ions that operate in the human breast, like roasted gratis, for the poor prisoners: nay, poisons of a different nature, extinguishing there are certain servants of the public, who each other's effect. Our hero's grief reign- are obliged to go to market, at the pleasure ed in full despotism, until it was deposed by of individuals, without fee or reward from revenge; during the predominancy of which those who employ them; nor are they coophe considered every thing which had happen- ed up, so as to be excluded from the benefit ed as a circumstance conduciveto his grati- of fresh air, there being an open area, of a fication. " If I must be prisoner for life," considerable extent, adjacent to the building, said he to himself, "if I must relinquish all on which they may exercise themselves in my gay expectations, let me at least have walking, skittles, bowls, and variety of other the satisfaction of clanking my chains so as diversions, according to the inclination of to interrupt the repose of my adversary; each. and let me search in my own breast for that Our adventurer being admitted a denizen ADVENTURES OF PEREGRINE PICKLE. 319 of the community, found himself bewildered all his ample fortune nothing now remained in the midst of strangers, who, by their ap- but his wardrobe, which was not very sumppearance, did not at all prepossess him in tuous, about thirty guineas in, cash, and the their favour; and, after having strolled about garrison, which the misanthrope counselled the place with his friend Cadwallader, repair- him to convert into ready money for his ed to the coffeehouse, in order to be fuirther present subsistence. This advice, however, informed of the peculiar customs which it he absolutely rejected, not only on; account was necessary for him to know. of his having already bestowed it upon There, while he endeavoured to pick up Hatchway during the term of his natural intelligence from the bar-keeper, he was ac- life, but also with a view of retaining some costed by a person in canonicals, who very memorial of the commodore's generosity. civilly asked if he was a new-comer. Being He proposed, therefore, to finish in this answered in the affirmative, he gave him the retreat the translation, which he had undersalutation of welcome to the society, and, taken, and earn his future subsistence by with great hospitality, undertook to initiate labour of the same kind. -He desired Cadhim in the constitutions of the brotherhood. wallader to take charge of his' movables, This humane clergyman gave him to under- and send to him such linen and clothes as:he stand, that his first care ought to be that of should have occasion for in his confinement. securing a lodging; telling him there was a But, among all his difficulties, nothing emcertain number of apartments in the prison barrassed him so much as his faithful Pipes, let at the same price, though some were more whom he could no longer entertain in his commodious than others; and that' when service. He knew Tom had made shift to the better sort became vacant, by the removal pick up a competency in the course of his of their possessors, those who succeeded in ministration; but that reflection, though it point of seniority had the privilege of oc- in some measure alleviated, could not wholly cupying the empty tenements preferable to prevent the mortification he should suffer in the restof the inhabitants, howsoeverrespect- parting with an'affectionate adherent, who able they might otherwise be; that when the was by this time become as necessary to him jail was very much crowded, there was but as one of his own members, and who was so one chamber allotted for two lodgers; but accustomed to live under his command and this was not considered as any great hard- protection, that he did not believe the fellow ship on the prisoners, because, in that case, could reconcile himself to any other way of there was always a sufficient number of life. males, who willingly admitted the females to Crabtree, in order to' make him easy on a share in their apartments and beds: not that score, offered to adopt him in the-room out the time had been, when this expedient of his own valet, whom he would, dismiss; would not answer the occasion, because, though he observed that' Pipes had been after a couple had been quartered in every quite spoiled in our hero's service. But Peroom, there was a considerable residue still regrine did not choose to lay his friend under unprovided with lodging; so that, for the time that inconvenience; knowing thatbhis present being, the-last comers were obliged to take lacquey understood and complied with all the up their habitation in Mount Scoundrel, an peculiarities of his humour, which Pipes apartment most miserably furnished, in which would never be able to study or regard: he they lay promiscuously, amidst filth and therefore determined to send him back to vermin, until they could be better accom- his shipmate Hatchway, with whom he had modated in due course of rotation. spent the fore-part of his life. Peregrine hearing the description of this These points being adjusted, the two place, began to be very impatient about his friends adjourned to the coffeehouse, with a night's lodging; and the parson, perceiving view-of inquiring into the character of the his anxiety, conducted him, without loss of clergyman to whose beneficence our adventime, to the warden, who forthwith put him turer wes so much indebted. They learned in possession of a paltry chamber, for which h'e was a person who had incurred the dishe agreed to pay half a crown a-week. pleasure of the bishop in whose diocese he This point being settled, his director gave was settled, and, being unequal in power to himn an account of the different methods of his antagoniist, had been driven to the Fleet, eating, either singly, in a mess, or at an or- in consequence of his obstinate opposition; dinary, and advised him to choose the last, though he still found means to enjoy a pretty as the most reputable, offerihg to introduce considerable income, by'certain". irregular him next day to the best company in the practices in the way of his function, which'Fleet, who always dined together in public. income was chiefly consumed in acts of Pickle having thanked this gentleman for humanity to his fellow-creatures in dishis civilities, and promised to be governed by tress. his advice, invited him to pass the evening His eulogium was scarce finished when he at his apartments; and, in the mean time, entered the room, according to appointment Shut himself up with Crabtree, in order to with Peregrine, who ordering wine and deliberate upon the wreck of his affairs. Of something for supper to be carried to his 27 320 SMOLLETT'S SELECT WORKS. apartment, the triumvirate went thither; and ruminate on an event which he had not as Cadwallader taking, his leave for the night, yet seriously considered. tile two fellow-prisoners, passed theevening I might here, in imitation of some celevery sociably, our hero being'entertained by brated writers, furnish out a page or two, his new comp.anion with the private history with the reflections he made upon the inof the place, some particulars of which were. stability of human affairs, the treachery of extremely curious. He told him, that the the world, and the temerity of y9uth; and person who attended them at supper, bowing, endeavour to decoy the reader into a smile, with the most abject servility, and worship-;by some'quaint observation of my own, ping them every'time he opened his mouth,: touching the sagacious moralizer; but besides with the. epithets of yotur lordship and your that I look upon this practice as an imperhonour, had,.a fewyears before, been actually tinent anticipation of the peruser's thoughts, t captain, in the guards;.who, after having I have too much matter of importance upon. run his career in the great world, hbad treaded my hands, to give the reader the least reason every station in ttheir community, from that ito beieve that I am driven to such paltry of a buck of the, first order, who swaggers shifts, inorder to elk out the volume. Sufabout the Fleet in a laced coat, with, afoot- fice it then to say, our adventurer passed a man,-an4, w —-,: to the degree of a.ta~pster, very Uneasy night, not only f irom.the thoi'y in which,:hewas now happily settled.. " If suggestions of. his mindd, but likewise fromi y.ou wil:;take: the trouble of going int the the agish of his body, which suffered from coolt's kitchen,': said he, ",you will perceive the hardness of his couch' as well as from a bgug,metamoprphohsed. into a turnspit; and the natural inhabitantsjihereof, that; did not there are some hewers of wood and drawers tamely suffer his intrusion. of wtater. in this microcosm, who havTe -hatd. In the morning he, was waked by Pipes, forests.and fishponds of their own; yet, not-: who brought upon his shoulder ra p9rtWithstanding such a miserable reverse of manteau filled with necessaries, according to fortune, they, are neither objects of regard' the direction. of CaVdwallader; and tossinl it nor' com-passion, because their misfortunes down upon the floor, regaled himself with a are the" -fruits of the most vicious extra- quid, without the least manifestation of convagance, and, they are absolutely insensible cern. After some pauses-" Yoi see, Pipes," of the misery'which is their lot.:'rhose of said his master,'."to wh!atI',have brought our fellow-sufferers, who have been reduced myself." "Ey, ey," answered the valet, by undeserved losses, or the precipitation of I'once the vessel is ashore, what signifies inexperienced youth,, never fail to meet with talking. We must bear a hand to tow her the miostl blrotherly. assistance,:provided they off, if we can if she wont budge for all the behave: witbh decorum, and-;a due sense of anchors and capstans aboard, after we have their unhappy.circumstances. Nor are we lightened her, by cutting away her masts,;lestitute of p.wer to -chastise the licentious, and heaving her guns and cargo overboard; who refuse: to comply with. the regulations why then, mayhap a brisk gale of'wind, a of.the place, anid, disturb the peace of the tide, or current setting from shore, may float c0mmunity with riot and disorder. Justice her again, in the blast of a whistle.I Hereis is here impartially administered by a court two hundred and ten guineas by the tale, in of equitvy,.consisting of a'select number of this here canvas bag: and upon this scrap of the nost respectable inhabitants, who punish paper-no, avast-thatp my discharge firom all;offennders with equal judgment..and reso- the parish for Moll: Trundle-ey, here:it is, lution, after they have been fairly convcted an order for thirty pounds upon the'w!atof the y:have -ben fairly. convited! an order f of the crimes laid to their carg..'..d'ye-call-'em in the city; and two tickets )for T:he.clergyman having thus explained the twenty-five and eighteen, which I lent, d'.ye een0om y:of the place, as well as he, cause see, to Sam Studding to buy a cargoof rum, of' h is own confinement,.began'to discover i when he hoisted the: sign. of the Commodore signsof curiositl touching our hero's'situ-'a at St,.Catherine's." So saying, he' SpreMa tion;,:and Pickle, thinking..he could do iio his. whole stock upon the table for the a.c less, for'the satisfaction of a: man who had ceptance of Peregrine; wio, being very treated, him in such an- hospitabie manner, much affected with:this fresh instance: 6f. his favoured him.with a:detail. of.the, circum- -attachment, expressed his' satisfaction _.at stanTes'. which. prodcuced. hjsimprisonmit; seeing he had been such a god econorist, at: the, s'n:e timne gratifyging' hi rsentmennt[ and paid his wavesi-upp to that very day. against the mi nister, which delighted in re,/ He thanked him for his faithful services, capituilatinlg: ]'ithe'injuries he, - had;rece'ied. and, observing that' he himself was no longer The: parson who had been: prepossessei.in in. a condition to maintain adomestic,.'adfavourpof our youth at first sight,understand-.vised him to retire to'the garri1son, wher he ing what a considerable part he had'acted' on.would. be kindly received. by his:" friend thestage of life, felt his venerati.pn, increase;Hatchway, to whon':. he would recommend and, peeased'with the oppnrtminky' of.intro-! him in the strongest terms. ducing a'stranger of his consequence to the Pipes looked blank at;this unexpected inclub,'eft him to his repoSe,' dr rather tol tiination, to which he replied, that he wanted ADVENTURES OF PEREGRINE PICKLE. 321 neither pay nor provision, but only to be em- committed in company with a female, not ployed as a tender; and that he would not yet taken, against the laws of the place, and steer his course for the garrison,.unless his the peace of his fellow-prisoners. The master would first take his lumber aboard. culprit had been very obstreperous, and abPickle,. however, peremptorily refused to fsolutely refused to obey the summons, with touch a farthing of the money, which hie many expressions of contempt and defiance commanded him to put up; and Pipes was against the authority of the court.; upon so mortified at his refusal, that, twisting which the constables were ordered to bring the notes together, he threw them into the him to the bar, vi et armis: and he was acfire without hesitation, crying, "damn the cordingly brought before the judge, after havymoney!" The canvas bag, with its contents, ing made a most desperate resistance with a would have shared the same fate, had not hanger, by which one of the officers was Peregrine started up, and snatching the dangerously wounded. This outrage was paper from the flames, ordered his valet to such an aggravation of his crime, that the forbear, on pain of being banished for ever court would not venture to decide upon it, from his sight. He told him, that, for the but remitted him to the sentence of the present, there was a necessity for his being warden; who, by virtue of his dictatorial dismissed, and lie discharged him according- power, ordered the rioter to be loaded with ly; but if he would go and live quietly with irons, and confined in the strong room, which the lieutenant, he promised, on the first is a dismal dungeon, situated upon the side favourable turn of his fortune, to take him of a ditch, infested with:toads and vermin, again into his service. In the mean time he surcharged with noisome damps, and impergave him to understand, that he neither vious to the least ray of light. wanted, nor would make any use of his Justice being done upon these criminals, money, which he insisted upon his pocketing our adventurer and his company adjourned immediately, on pain of forfeiting all title to the ordinary, vhich was kept in the coffeeto his favour. house; and he found, upon inquir,'; that his Pipes was very much chagrined at these messmates consisted of one officer, two uninjunctions, to which he made no reply; but derwriters, three prqoectors, an alchymist, an swueeping the money into his bag, stalked off attorney, a parson, a brace of poets, a baronet, in silence, with a look of grief and mortifi- and a knight of the bath. The dinner, cation, which his countenance had neverex- though not sumptuous, nor very elegantly hibited before. Nor was the proud heart of served up, was nevertheless substantial, and Pickle unmoved upon the occasion; he could pretty well dressed: the wine was tolerable, scarce suppress his sorrow in the presence and all the guests as cheerful as if they had of Pipes, and, soon as he was gone, it vented been utter strangers to calamity: so that our itself in tears. adventurer began to relish the company, Having no great pleasure in conversing and mix in the conversation, with that with his own thoughts, he dressed himself sprightliness and ease which were peculiar with all convenient dispatch, being attended to his disposition. The repast being ended, by one of the occasional valets of the place, the reckoning paid, and part of the gentlewho had formerly been a rich mercer in the men withdrawn to cards, or other avocations, city; and this operation being performed, he those who remained, among whom Perewent to breakfast at the coffeehouse, where grine made olle, agreed to spend the afterhe happened to meet with his friend the noon in conversation over a bowl of punch; clergyman, and several persons of genteel and the liquor being produced, they passed appearance, to whom the doctor introduced the time very socially in various topics of him as a new messmate. By these gentle- discourse, including many curious anecdotes men he was conducted to a place, where relating to their own affairs. No man they spent the forenoon in playing at fives, scrupled to own the nature of the debt for an exercise in which our hero took singular which he was confined, unless it happened to delight; and about one o'clock a court was be some piddling affair; but, on the contrary,. held, for the trial of two delinquents, who boasted of the importance of the sum, as a had transgressed the laws of honesty and circumstance that implied his having been a good order. person of consequence in life; and he rho The first who appeared at the bar was an made the most remarkable escapes from baiattorney, accused of having picked a gentle- liffs, was looked upon as a man of superior man's pocket of his handkerchief; and the genius and address. fact being proved by incontestable evidence, Among other extraordinary adventures of he received sentence. In consequence of this kind, none was more romantic than the which, he was immediately carried to the last elopement achieved by the officer; who public pump, and subjected to a severe cas- told them he had been arrested for a debt of cade of cold water. This cause being dis: two hundred pounds, at a time when he cussed, they proceeded to the trial of the could not command as many pence, and conother offender, who was a lieutenant of a veyed to the bailiffs house, in which he cornnoan of war, indicted for a riot, which he had tinued a whole fortnight, moving his lodgings 2(. 322 SMOLLETT'S SELECT WORKS. higher and higher, from time to time, in pro- the regiment, when I conveyed myself in? portion to the dbcay of his credit; until, from hearse to Gravesend, where I embarked'for the parlour, he had made a regular ascent to Flanders; but, being obliged to come over the garret. There, while he ruminated on again on the recruiting service, I was nabbed his next step, which would have been to the on another score; and all the satisfaction my Marshalsea, and saw the night coming on, first captor has been able to obtain, is a writ attended by hunger and cold., the wind began of detainer, which, I believe, will fix me in to blow, and the tiles of the house rattled this place, until the parliament, in its great with the storm; his imagination was imme- goodness, shall think proper to discharge my diately struck with the idea of escaping un- debts by a new act of insolvency." perceived, amidst the darkness and noise of Every body owned, that the captain's sucthe tempest, by creeping out of the window cess was equal to the hardiness of his enterof his apartment, and making his way over prise, which was altogether in the style of a the tops of the adjoining houses. Glowing soldier; but one of the merchants observed, with this prospect, he examined the passage, that he must have been a bailiff of small exwhich, to his infinite mortification, he found perience, who would trust a prisoner of that grated with iron bars on the outside; but consequence in such anunguarded place. "'If even this difficulty did not divert him from the captain," said he, " had fallen into the his purpose. Conscious of his own strength, hands of such a cunning rascal as the fellow he believed himself able' to make a hole that arrested me, he would not have found it through the roof, which seemed to be slender such an easy matter to escape; for the manand crazy; and on this supposition, he bar- ner in which I was caught is perhaps the ricadoed the door with the whole furniture most extraordinary that ever was practised of the room; then setting himself to work in these realms. You must know, gentlewith a poker, he in a few minutes effected a men, I suffered such losses by insuring: vesspassage fur his hand, with which he gradually els during the war, that I was obliged' to stripped off the boards and tiling, so as to stop payment, though my expectations were open a sally-port for his whole body, through such as encouraged me to manage one branch which he fairly set himself free, groping his of' business, without coming to any immediway towards the next tenement. Here, ate composition with my creditors. In short, however, he met with an unlucky accident. I received consignments from abroad as His hat being blown of his head, chanced to usual, and, that I might not be subject to the fall into the court just as one of the bailiff's visits of those catchpoles, I never stirred followers was knocking at the door; and this abroad, but, turning my first floor into a waremyrmidon recognising it, immediately gave house, ordered all my goods to be hoisted up the alarm to his chief, who, running up stairs by a crane fixed to the upper story of my to the garret, forced open the door in a house. Divers were the stratagems practwinkling, notwithstanding the precautions tised by those ingenious ferrets, with a view which the prisoner had taken, and, with his of decoying me from the walls of my fortifiattendant, pursued the fugitive through his cation. I received innumerable' messages own track. "After this chase had continued from people, who wanted to see me at cersome time," said the officer, "to the im- tain taverns, upon particular business; Iwas minent danger of all three, I found my pro- summoned into the country, to see my own gress suddenly stopped by a sky-light, through mother, who was said to be at the point of which I perceived seven tailors sitting at death. A gentlewoman, one night, was takwork upon a board. Without the least hesi- en in labour on my threshold; at another tation, or previous notice, I plunged among time I was disturbed with the cry of murder them with my backside foremost. Before on the street, and once I was alarmed by a they could recollect themselves from the false fire. But, being still upon my guard, consternation occasioned by such a strange I baffled all their attempts, and thought myvisit, I told them my situation, and gave self quite secure from their invention, when them to understand that there was no time to one of those blood-hounds, inspired, I bebe lost. One of the number taking the hint, lieve, by the devil himself, contrived a snare led me instantly down stairs, and dismissed by which I'was at last entrapped. IHe made me at the street-door; while the bailiff and it his business to inquire into the particulars his follower, arriving at the breach, were de- of my traffic; and understandingthat, among terred from entering by the brethren of my other things, there were several chests of deliverer, who, presenting their shears, like a Florence entered at the custom-house on my range of chevaux defrize, commanded them behalf, he ordered himself to be closed in a to retire', on pain of immediate death: and box of the same dimensions, with air-holes the catchpole, rather than risk his carcass, in the bottom' for the benefit of breathing. consented to discharge the debt, comforting and No. III. marked upon the cover; and behimself with the hope of making me prisoner ing conveyed to my door in a cart, among again. There, however, he was disappoint- other goods, was, in his turn, hoisted up to ed: I kept snug, and laughed at'his escape- my warehouse, where I stood with a hamwarrant, until I was ordered abroad with mer, in order to open the chests, that I might ADVENTURES OF PEREGRINE PICKLE. 323 compare the contents with the invoice. You ing, before God, that they had no other may guess my surprise and consternation,! chance to be saved. when, upon uncovering the box, I saw a "The watermen were immediately taken bailiff rearing up his head, like Lazarus from up by some of their own friends, who, far the grave, and heard. him declare that he had from yielding any assistance to the catcha writ against me for a thousand pounds! poles, kept aloof, and exulted in their caIndeed, I aimed the hammer at his head, but lamity. In short, two of the five went to in the hurry of my confusion, missed my the bottom, and never saw the light of God's mark; before I could repeat the blow, he sun, and the other three, with great difficulstarted up with great agility, and executed his ty, saved themselves by laying hold on the office in sight of several evidences whom he rudder of a dung barge, to which they were had assembled in the street for that purpose; carried by the stream, while Tom, with great so that I could not possibly disentangle my- deliberation, swam across to the Surry shore. self from the toil without incurring an escape- After this achievement, he was so much warrant, from which I had no protection. dreaded by the whole fraternity, that they But, had I known the contents of the chest, shivered at the very mention of his name; by all that's good! I would have ordered my and this character, which some people would porter to raise it up as high as the crane think an advantage to a man in debt, was would permit, and then have cut the rope by the greatest misfortune that could possibly accident." happen to him; because no tradesman would "That expedient," said the knight with the give him credit for the least trifle, on the red ribbon, "would have discouraged him supposition that he could not indemnify himfrom such hazardous attempts for the future, self in the common course of law." and would have been an example in terro. The parson did not approve of Mr Hackarem of all his brethren. The story puts me bout's method of escaping, which he considin mind of a deliverance achieved by Tom ered as a very unchristian attenmpt upon the Hackabout, a very stout honest fellow, an lives of his fellow-subjects:-" It is enough," old acquaintance of mine, who had been so said he, "that we elude the laws of our counfamous for maiming bailiffs, that another gen- try, without murdering the officers of justleman having been ill used at a spunging- tice: for my own part, I can lay my hand house, no sooner obtained his liberty, than, upon my heart, and safely say, that I forgive with a view of being revenged upon the land- from my soul the fellow by whom I was made lord, he, for five shillings, bought one of a prisoner, although the circumstances of Tom's notes, which sold at a very large dis- his behaviour were treacherous, wicked, and count, and taking out a writ uponl it, put it profane. You must know, Mr Pickle, I was into the hands of the bailiff, who had used one day called into my chapel, in order to him ill. The catchpole, after a diligent join a couple in the holy bands of matrisearch, had an opportunity of executing the mony; and my affairs being at that time so writ upon the defendant, who, without cere- situated, as to lay me under the apprehenmony, broke one of his arms, fractured his sions of an arrest,.I cautiously surveyed the skull, and belaboured him in such a manner, man through a lattice which was made for that he lay without sense or motion on the that purpose, before I would venture to come spot. By such exploits the hero became so within his reach. He was clothed in a seaformidable, that no single bailiff would un- man's jacket and trowsers, and had such an dertake to arrest him; so that he appeared air of simplicity in his countenance, as diin all public places untouched. At length, vested me of all suspicion: I therefore, withhowever, several officers of the Marshalsea- out any further scruple, trusted myself in his court entered into a confederacy against him; presence, began to exercise the duty of my and two of the number, attended by three function, and had actually performed one desperate fellows, ventured to arrest him one half of the ceremony, when the supposed day in the Strand, near Hungerford market: woman, pulling out a paper from her bosom, he found it impossible to make resistance, exclaimed, with a masculine voice;-' Sir, because the whole gang sprung upon him at you are my prisoner; I have got a writ once, like so many tigers, and pinioned his against you for five hundred pounds.' I was arms so fast, that he could not wag a finger. thunderstruck at this declaration, not so Perceiving himself fairly overpowered, he much on account of my own misfortune, desired to be conducted forthwith to jail, and which (thank heaven) I can bear with pawas stowed in a boat accordingly; by the tience and resignation, as at the impiety of time they had reached the middle of the river, the wretch, first in disguising such a worldly he found means to overset the wherry by aim under the cloak of religion,;: and, seaccident, and every man disregarding the condly, in prostituting the service, whell prisoner, consulted his own safety. As for there was no occasion for so, doing, his deHackabout, to whom that element was quite sign having previously taken effect. Yet I familiar, he niounted astride upon the keel of forgive him, poor soul! because lhe knew the boat, which was uppermost, and exhorted not what he did; and I hope you, Sir Sipple, the bailiffs to swim for their lives: protest- will exert the same christian virtue towards 324 SMOLLETT'S SELECT WORKS. the man by whom you were likewise over- tained with the memoirs of a noted perreached." sonage, whom he sees by accident in the " Oh! damn the rascal," cried the knight, FI leet. "were I his judge, he should be condemned to flames everlasting. A villain! to disgrace THE knight had.scarce finished his narrative, me in such a manner, before almost all the when our hero was told, that a gentleman in fashionable company in town." Our hero the coffee-room wanted to see him; and when expressing a curiosity to know the particu- he went thither he found his friend Crabtree, lars of this adventure, the knight gratified I who had transacted all.his affairs, according his desire, by telling him, that one evening, to the determination of the preceding day; while he was engaged in a party of cards, at and now gave him an account of the rea drum in the house of a certain lady of qual- marks he had. overheard, on the subject of ity, he was given to understand by one.of:the his misfortune;-for the manner of arrest servants, that a stranger, very richly dressed, was so public and extraordinary, that those was just arrived in a chair, preceded by five who were present immediately propagated footmen with flambeaux, and that he refused it among their acquaintance, and it was that to come up stairs, until he should be intro- same evening discoursed upon at several tea. duced by Sir Sipple. "Upon this notice," and card tables, with this variation from the continued the knight, "I judged it was some truth, that the debt amounted to twelve of my quality friends; and having obtained thousand instead of twelve hundred pounds: her ladyship's permission to bring him up, from which circumstance it was conjectured, went down to the hall, and perceived a per- that Peregrine was a bite from the beginson, whom, to the best of my recollection, I:ning, who had found credit on account, of his had never seen before. However, his ap- effrontery and appearance, and imposed himnpearance was so magnificent, that I could not self upon the town as a young gentleman of harbour the least suspicion of his true qual- fortune. They rejoiced, therefore, at his caity; and, seeing me advance, he saluted me lamity, which they considered as a just punwith a very genteel bow, observing, that ishment for his fraud and presumption, and though he had not the honourofmy acquaint- began to review certain, particulars of his ance, he could not dispense with waiting conduct, that plainly demonstrated him to upon me, even on that occasion, in conse- be a rank adventurer, long before he had arquence of a letter which he had received rived at this end of his career. from a particular friend. So saying, lie put Pickle, who now believed his glory was set a paper into my'hand, intimating, that he had for ever, received this intelligence with that got a writ against me for ten thousand disdain which enables a man to detach himpounds, and that it would be my interest to self effectually from the world, and, with submit without resistance, for he was provid- great tranquillity, gave the misanthrope an ed with a guard of twenty men, who sur- entertaining detail of what'he had seen and rounded the door in different disguises, de- heard since their last parting. While they termined to secure me against all opposition. amused themselves in this manner over a dish Enraged at the scoundrel's finesse, and trust- of coffee, they were joined by the parson, ing to the assistance of the real footmen as- who congratulated our hero upon his bearing sembled in the hall,-' So, you are a rascally this mischance with such philosophic quiet, bailiff,' said I,'who have assumed the garb and began to regale the two friends with of a gentleman, in order to disturb her-lady- some curious circumstances relating to the ship's company. Take this fellow, my lads, private history of the several prisoners as and roll him in the kennel; here are ten they happened to come in. guineas for your trouble.' These words were At length a gentleman entered; at sight no sooner pronounced, than I was seized, of whom the clergyman rose up, and saluted lifted up, placed in a chair, and carried off in him with a most reverential bow, which was the twinkling of an eye; not but that the graciously returned by the stranger, who, servants of the house and some other footmen with a young man that attended him, retired made a motion toward my rescue, and alarmed to the other end of the room. They were all the company above; but the bailiff affirm- no sooner out of hearing, than the commuing, with undaunted effrontery, that I was nicative priest desired his company to take taken up upon an affair of state, and so many particular notice of this person to whom he people appearing in his behalf, the countess had paid his respects: "That man," said he, would not suffer the supposed messenger to be " is this day one of the most flagrant instances insulted; and he carried me to the county of neglected virtue which the world can projail, without fuirther let or molestation." duce. Over and above a cool discerning head, fraught with uncommon learning and experience, he is possessed of such'fortitude CHAPTER XCVIII. and resolution, as no difficulties can discourage, and no danger impair; and so indefatiPickle seems tolerably well reconciled to gable in his humanity, that even now, while his cage; and is by the clergyman enter- he is surrounded with such embarrassments ADVENTURES OF PEREGRINE PICKLE. 32. as would distract the brain of an ordinary and Buchanan, that he was seized with an mortal, he has added considerably to his in- irresistible thirst of military glory,' an'd decumbrances, by takin'g under his protection sire of trying his fortune in the army. His that young gentleman, who, induced by his majesty's troops taking the field, in consecharacter, appealed to his benevolence for qtuence of the rebellion which; happened in redress of the grievances under which he the year seventeen hundred and fifteeis,: this labours from the villainy of his guardian." young adventurer, thinking no life:equal to Peregrine's curiosity being excited by this that of a soldier, found means to furnish himencomium, he asked the name of this gener- self with a fusil and bayonet, and, leaving ous patron, of which when he was informed, the school, repaired to the camp near Stir-"I am no stranger," said he, " to the fame ling, with a view of signalizing himself in of that gentleman, who has made a consider- the field, though he was at that time but just able noise in the world, on account of that turned of thirteen. He offered his service great cause he undertook in defence of an to several officers, in hope of being enlisted unhappy orphan; and, since he is a person in their companies; but they would not reof such an amiable disposition, Iam heartily ceive him, because they rightly concluded, sorry to find that his endeavours have not that he was some school-boy broke- loose, met with that successful issue which their without the knowledge or consent of his'regood fortune in the beginning seemed to lations. Notwithstanding this discourage. promise. Indeed' the circumstance of his ment, he continued in camp, curiously prying espousing that cause was so uncommon and into every part of the service; and such was romantic, and the depravity of the human the resolution conspicuous in him, even at heart so universal, that some people, unac- such a tender age, that, after his small quainted with his real character, imagined finances were exhausted, he persisted in his his views were altogether selfish; and some design; and, because he wvould not make hi's were not wanting, who affirmed he was a wants known, actually subsisted for several mere adventurer. Nevertheless, I must do days on hips, haws, and sloes, and other him the justice to own, I have heard some spontaneous fruits which he gathered in the of the most virulent of those who were con- woods and fields. Meanwhile, he never failed cerned on the other side of the question, to be present, when any regiment or -corps bear testimony in his favour, observing, that of men were drawn out to be exercised and he was deceived into the expense of the reviewed, and accompanied them'in all their whole, by the plausible story which at first evolutions, which he had learned to great engaged his compassion. Your description perfection by observing the companies which of his character confirms me in the same were quartered inl the place where he was at opinion, though I am quite ignorant of the school. This eagerness and perseverance affair; the particulars of which I should be attracted the notice of many officers, who, glad to learn, as well as a genuine account after having commended his spirit and zeal, of his own life, many circumstances of which' pressed him to return to his parents, and are, by his enemies, I believe, egregiously eventhreatened to expel him from the camp, misrepresented." if he, would not comply with their advice. "Sir," answered the priest, "that is a piece "These remonstrances having no other of satisfaction which I am glad to find my- effect than that of warning him to avoid his self capable of giving you: I have had the monitors, they thought proper to alter their pleasure of being acquainted with Mr M — behaviour towards him, took hinm- into their from his youth; and every thing which I protection, and even into their mess; and shall relate concerning him, you may depend what, above all other marks of favour, pleasupon as a fact which hath fallen under my ed the young soldier most, permitted him to own cognizance, or been vouched upon the incorporate in the battalion, and take his'credit of undoubted evidence, turn of duty with the other men. In this "Mr M-'s father was a minister of the happy situation he was discovered by a reestablished church of Scotland, descended lation of his mother, who was a captain in from a very ancient clan, and his mother the army, and who used all his authority nearly related to a noble family in the north- and influence in persuading M - to return ern part of the kingdom. While the son to school; but finding him deaf to his adWVas boarded at a public school, where he monitions and threats, he took him under mnade good progress in the Latin tongue, his his own care, and, when the army marched father died, and he was left an orphan to to Dumblane, left him at Stirling, with exthle care of an uncle, who, finding him de- press injunctions to keep himself within the termined against any servile employment, walls. kept him at school, that he might prepare "He temporised with his kinsman, fearing, himself for the university, with a view of that, should he seem refractory, the captain being qualified for his father's profession. would have ordered him to be shut up in the "Here his imagination was so heated by castle. Inflamed with the desire of'seeing a the warlike achievements he found recorded battle, his relation no sooner marched off the in the Latin authors, such as Caesar, Curtius, ground, than he mixed in with another regi 326 SMOLLETT'S SELECT WORKS. ment, to which his former patrons belonged, tion. Having made such progress in his.and proceeded to the field, where he distin- studies, he resolved to qualify himself for the guished himself, even at that early period of church, and acquired such a stock of school life, by his gallantry, in helping to retrieve divinity, under the instructions of a learned a pair of colours belonging to M -'s regi- professor at Edinburgh, that he more than ment; so that, after the affair, he was pre- once mounted the rostrum in the public hall, sented to the duke of Argyle, and recom- and held forth with uncommon applause: mended strongly to Brigadier Grant, who but being discouraged from a prosecution of invited him into his regiment, and promised his plan, by the unreasonable austerity of to provide for him with the first opportunity: some of the Scotch clergy, by whom the but that gentleman in a little time lost his most indifferent and innocent words and accommand, upon the duke's disgrace, and the tions were often misconstrued into levity regiment was ordered for Ireland, being given and misconduct, he resolved to embrace the to Colonel Nassau, whose favour the young first favourabie opportunity of going abroad volunteer acquired to such a degree, that he being inflamed with the desire of seeing for. was recommended to the king for an en- eign countries, and actually set out for Holsigncy, which in all probability he would land, where, for the space of two years, he have obtained, had not the regiment been studied the Roman law, with the law of naunluckily reduced. ture and nations, under the famous profess"I' n consequence of this reduction, which ors Tolieu and Barbeyrac. happened in the most severe season of the "tHaving thus finished his school educayear, he was obliged to return to his own tion, he set out for Paris, with a view to country, throu+h infinite hardships, to which make himself perfect inthe French language, he was exposed from the narrowness of his and learn such useful exercises, as might be circumstances: and continuing still enam- acquired with the wretched remnant of his oured of a military life, he entered into the slender estate, which was by that time reregiment of Scots Greys, at that time com- duced very low. In his journey through the manded by the late Sir James Campbell, who Netherlands, he went to Namur, and paid being acquainted with his family.and char- his respects to Bishop Strickland and Geacter, encouraged him with the. promise of neral Collier, by whom he was received with speedy preferment. In this corps he re- great civility, in consequence of letters of mained three years, during which he had no recommendation, with which he was proopportunity of seeing actual service, except vided from the Hague, and the old general at the affair of Glensheel; and this life of assured him of his protection and interebs insipid quiet must have hung heavy upon for a pair of colours, if he was disposed to a youth of M-'s active disposition, had enter into the Dutch service. he not found exercise for the mind, in "Though he was by that time pretty well reading books of amusement, history; voy- cured of his military quixotism, he would ages,. and geography, together with those not totally decline the generous proffer, for which treated of the art of war, ancient and which he thanked him in the most grateful modern, for which he contracted such an terms, telling the general that he would pay eager appetite, that he used to spend-sixteen his duty to him on his return from France, hours a day in this employment. About that and then, if he could determine upon re-entime he became acquainted with agentlemen gaging in the army, should think himself of learning and taste, who observing his in- highly honoured in being under his comdefatigable application, and insatiable thirst mand. after knowledge, took upon himself the "After a stay of two months in Flanders, charge of superintending his studies; and, by he proceeded to Paris, and, far from taking the direction of such an able guide, the up his habitation in the suburbs of St Geryoung soldier converted his attention to a main, accordinc to the custom of English more solid and profitable course of reading. travellers, he hired a private lodging on the So inordinate was his desire of making other side of the river, andassociated chiefly speedy advances in the paths of learning, with French officers, who (their youthful that, within the compass of three months, sallies being over) are allowed to be the pohe diligently perused the writings of Locke litest gentlemen of that kingdom. In this and Malebranche, and made himself master scheme he found his account so much, that of the first six, and of the eleventh and he could not but wonder at the folly of his twelfth books of Euclid's Elements. He countrymen, who lose the main scope of their considered Puffendorf and Grotius with un- going abroad, by spending their time and common care, acquired a tolerable degree of fortune idly with one another. knowledge in the French language, and his "During his residence in Holland, he had imagination was so captivated with the de. made himself acquainted with the best sire of learning, that, seeing no prospect of authors in the French language, so that he a war, or views of being provided for in the was able to share in their conversation'; a service, he quitted the army, and went circumstance from which he found great.hrough a regular course of university educa- benefit; for it not only improved him in hip ADVENTURES OF PEREGRINE PICKLE. 327 knowledge of that tongue, but also tended this he absolutely rejected, until M-. proto the enlargement of his acquaintance, in mised to draw upon him for double the value the course of which he contracted intimacies or more, in case he should at any time want in some families of good fashion, especially a further supply. This uncommon act of those of the long robe, which would have friendship and generosity, I — afterwards enabled him to pass his time very agreeably, had an opportunity to repay tenfold, though had he been a little easier in point of fortune: he' could not help regretting the occasion, but his finances, notwithstanding the most on his friend's account.. That worthy man rigid economy, being in a few months re- having, by placing too much confidence in a duced to a very low ebb, the prospect of in- villainous lawyer, and a chain of other misdigence threw a damp upon all his pleasures, fortunes, involved himself and his amiable though he never sufferedhimself to be there- lady in a labyrinth of difficulties, which by in any degree dispirited: being in that threatened the total ruin of his family; M - respect of so happy a disposition, that con- felt the inexpressible satisfaction of deliverscious poverty or abundance made very ing his benefactor from the snare./ slight impressions upon his mind. "Being thus reinforced by the generosity "This consumption of his cash, however, of his friend, M- resolved to execute his involved him in some perplexity; and he former plan of seeing the south of France, deliberated with himself, whether he should together with the seaports of Spain, as far return to General Collier, or repair to Lon- as Cadiz, from whence he proposed to take don, where he might possibly fall into some a passage for London by sea; and, with this business not unbecoming a gentleman; view, sent forward his trunksbythe diligence though he was very much mortified to find to Lyons, determined to ride post, in order himself incapable of gratifying an inordinate to enjoy a better view of the country, and desire which possessed him of making the for the conveniency of stopping at those grand tour, or at least of visiting the south- places where there was any thingremarkable ern parts of France. to be seen or inquired into. While he was "' While he thus hesitated between dif- employed in taking leave of his Parisian ferent suggestions, he was one morning visit- friends, who furnished him with abundant ed by a gentleman who had sought and cul- recommendations, a gentleman of: his own tivated his friendship, and for whom he had country, who spoke little or no French, heardone a good office, in supporting him with ing of his intention, begged the favour of spirit against a brutal German, with whom accompanying him in his expedition. he had an affair of honour. This gentleman "With this new companion, therefore, he came to propose a party for a fortnight, to set out for Lyons, where he was perfectly Fontainebleau, where the court then was; well received by the intendant and some of and the proposal being declined by M — the best families of the place, in consequence with more than usual stiffiess, his friend of his letters of recommendation; and, was very urgent to know the reason of his after a short stay in that city, proceeded refusal, and at length, with some confusion, down the Rhone to Avignon, in what is called said,'Perhaps your finances are low.' the coche d'eau; then visiting the principal M - replied, that he had wherewithal to towns of Dauphine, Languedoc, and Prodefray the expense of his journey to London, vence, he returned to the delightful city of where he could be furnished with a fresh Marseilles, where he and his fellow-traveller supply; and this answer was no sooner made, were so much captivated by the serenity of than the other, taking him by the hand, the air, the good-nature and hospitality of -'My dear friend,' said he,'I am not un- the sprightly inhabitants, that they never acquainted with your affairs, and would have dreamed of changing their quarters during offered you my credit long ago, if I had the whole winter and part of the, spring: thought it would be acceptable; even now, here he acquired the acquaintance of the I do not pretend to give you money, but marquis d'Argens, attorney general in the desire and insist upon it, that you will accept parliament of Aix, and of his eldest son, who of the loan of these two pieces of paper, now makes so great a figure in the literary to be repaid when you marry a woman with world: and when the affair of Father Girard a fortune of twenty thousand pounds, or ob- and Mademoiselle Cadier began to make a tain an employment of a thousand a year.' noise, he accompanied these two gentlemen So saying, he presented him with two actions to Toulon, where the marquis was ordered to -of above two thousand livres each. take a precognition of the facts. "M M _- was astonished at this unexpected "On his return to Marseilles, he found a instance of generosity in a stranger, and, certain noble lord of great fortune, under the with suitable acknowledgement, peremptorily direction of a Swiss governor, who had acrefused to incur such an obligation; but at commodated him with two of his own relalength he was, by dint of importunity and tions, of the same country, by way of cornwarm expostulation, prevailed upon to accept panions, together with five servants in his one of the actions, on condition that the gen- train. They being absolute strangers in the tleman would take his note for the sum; and place, M — introduced them to the in. 28 328 SMOLLETT'S SELECT WORKS. tendant, and several other good families: the noble peer never once made mention of and had. the good fortune to be so agreeable the annuity which he had promised to settle to his lordship, that he proposed and even upon him, nor did M remind him of it, pressed him to live with him in Ehgland as because he conceived it was his affair to fula friend and companion, and to take upon fil his engagements of his own accord. hihm the superintendence of his affairs, in M lbeing tired of the manner of living at which case he would settle upon him four'this place, made an excursion to Bath, where hundred a year for life. he staid about a fortnight, to partake of the "This proposal was too advantageous to diversions, and, upon his return, found his be slighted by a person of no fortune, or'lordship making dispositions for another fixed establishment: he therefore made no journey to Paris. difficulty of closing with it; but as his lord- "Surprised at this sudden resolution, he ship's departure.was fixed to a short day, endeavoured to dissuade him from it; but his and he'urged him to accompany him to Paris, remonstrances were rendered ineffectual by and from thence to England, M- thought the insinuation of a foreigner who had come it would be improper and indecent to inter-' over with him, and filled his imagination fere with the office of his governor, who with extravagant notions of pleasure, inmight take umbrage at his favour, and there- finitely superior to any which he could enjoy fore excused himself from a compliance with while he was in the trammels and under the his lordship's. request, until his minority restraints of a governor. He therefore turnshould be expired, as he was within a few ed a deaf ear to all M -'s arguments, and months of being of age. However, he re- entreated him to accompany him in the jourpeated his importunities so earnestly, and ney; but this gentleman, foreseeing that a the governor joined in the request with such young man, like my lord, of strong passions, appearance of cordiality, that he was pre- and easy to be misled, would, in all provailed upon to comply with their joint desire; bability, squander away great sums of money, and in a few days set out with them for Paris, in a way that could neither do credit to himby the way of Lyons. But, before they had self, nor to those who were concerned with been three days in the city, M - perceived him, resisted all his solicitations, on pretence a total change in the behaviour of the Swiss of'having business of consequence at Lonand his two relations, who, in all probability, don; and afterwards had reason to be exbecame jealous of his influence with his tremely well pleased with his own conduct in lordship; and he no sooner made this dis- this particular. covery, than he resolved to withdraw him- "Before he set out on this expedition, self from such a disagreeable participation M -, in justice to himself, reminded him of that'young nobleman's favour. IHe there- of the proposal which be had made to him at fore, in spite of all his lordship's entreaties -Marseilles, desiring to know if he had alterand remonstrances, quitted him for the pre- ed his design in that particular; in which sent, alleging, as a pretext, that he had a case he would turn his thoughts some other longing desire to see Switzerland and the way, as he would not in the least be thought banks of the Rhine, and promising to meet to intrude or pin himself upon any man. him again in England. My lord prbtested in the most solemn man. "This his intention being made known to ner, that he still continued in his former rethe governor and his friends, their counten- solution, and again beseeching him to bear ances immediately cleareHl up, their courtesy'him company into France, promised that and compliance returned, and they even fur- every thing should be settled to his satisfacnished him with letters for Geneva, Lau- tion upon their return to England. M -, sanne, Bern, and Soleures; in consequence however, still persisted in his refusal, for the of which he met with unusual civilities at above-mentioned reasons', and though he these places. Having made this tour with never heard more of the annuity, he neverhis Scotch friend (who came up to him be- theless continued to serve his lordship with fore he left Lyons), and visited the most con- his advice and good offices ever after; parsiderable towns on both sides of the Rhine, ticularly in directing his choice to an alliance and the courts of the electors Palatine, with a'lady of eminent virtue, the daughter Mentz, and Cologne, he arrived'in Holland'; of a noble lord, more conspicuous for his and from thence, through the Netherlands, shining parts than the splendou'r of his repaired to London, where he found my lord titles (a circumstance upon which he always just returned from Paris. reflected with particular satisfaction, as well "His lordship received him with express- on account of the extraordinary merit of the ions of uncommon joy, would not suffer him lady, as because it vested in her children a.o stir from' him for several days, and intro- considerable part of thIat great estate, which, duced him to his relations. of right, belonged to her (rrandmother), and "M -- accompanied his lordship from afterwards put him in a way to retrieve his London to'his country-seat, where he was estate from a heavy load of debt he had conindeed treated with great friendship and con- tracted. When my lord set out on his Paris fidence, and consulted in every' thing; but expedition, the money M - had received ADVENTURES OF PEREGRINE PICKLE. 329 from' his generous friend at Paris was almhnost decent, and the displeasure of her other rereduced to the last guinea. He had not yet lations, from whom she had still greater exreaped the least benefit from his engage- pectations, and who, at that time, importuned ments with his lordship; and, disdaining to her to marry a cousin of her own, whom she ask for a supply from him, he knew not how could not like. However, that.M might to suosist, with any degree of credit, till his have no cause to repine at her delays, she return. freely entered with him into an intimacy of "This uncomfortable prospect was the correspondence; during which nothing could more disagreeable to him, as, at that time have added to their mutual felicity, which of life, he was much inclined to appear in the was the more poignant and refined, from the gay world, had contracted a taste for plays, mysterious' and romantic mnanner'of their operas, and other public diversions, and ac- enjoying it; for though he publicly visited quired an acquaintance with many people of her as an acquaintance,:his behaviour on good fashion, which could not be maintained these occasions was always so distant, re-, without a considerable expense. In this spectful, and reserved, that the rest (of the emergency, he thought he could not employ company could not plossibly suspect the nahis idle time more profitably than in translat- ture of their reciprocal attachment,:;in con, ing, from foreign languages, such books as sequence of which they used to:iav'e private were then chiefly in vogue; and upon ap- interviews, unknown to every soul upon plication to a friend, who was'a man of'l'et- earth, except her maid, who was necesssarily ters, he was furnished with as much business entrusted with the secret'. of that kind as he could possibly manage, "In this manner they enjoyed the converand wrote some pamphlets on the ireigning sation of each other for above twelve months, controversies of that time, that had the good without the least interruption; and though fortune to please. He was also concerned the stability of Mr M's fortune depended in a monthly journal of literature,' and the' entirely upon their marriage. yet, as he perwork was carried on by the two friends ceived' his mistress so averse to it, he never jointly, though M- did not at'all appear urged it with vehemence, nor was' at all in the partnership.'By these means he not anxious on that score, being'eaily induced only spent his mornings in useful exercise, to defer a ceremony, which', as he'then but supplied himself with money for'what thought, could in'no shape.hav.e'added to the French call -the menus plaisirs, during their satisfaction, though he hath since alterthe whole summer. He frequented all the ed his sentiments. assemblies in and about London, and con- - "Be that as it will, his indulgent mistress, siderably enlarged his acquaintance among in order to set his mind at ease in that parthe fair sex. ticular, and in full confidence of his honour, "He had, upon his first arrival in Eng- insisted on his accepting a deedofgift of her land, become acquainted with a lady at an whole' fortune, in consideration'of h'ier'in assembly not far from London; and though, tended marriage; and, after some difficulty, at that time, he had no thoughts of extending he was prevailed upon to receive this proof his view farther than the usual gallantry of of her -esteem, well knowing that it'would the place, lhe met with such distinguishing still be in his power to return the obligation. marks of her regard in the sequel, and was Though she often entreated him to'take. upon so particularly encouraged by the advice- of himself. the entire administration of her another lady, with whom- he had been in- finances, and upon divers occa'sions pressed timate in France, and who was now of their him to accept of large sums, hene.ver once parties, that he could not help entertaining abused her generous disposition, or solicited hopes of making an impression upon the her for money, except for some:humane purheart of his agreeable partner, who was a pose, which she was always more ready to young lady of an ample fortune and great fulfil than he to propose. expectations. He therefore cultivated her "In the course of this correspondence, he good graces with all the assiduity and address became acquainted with some of her female of which he was master, and succeeded so relations, and, among the rest,with'a young well in his endeavours, that, after a due lady, so eminently adorned with all'the quacourse of attendance, and the death of' an lifications of mind and person, that, notwithaunt, by which she received an accession of standing'all his philosplhy and caution he fortune to the amount of three-and-twenty could not behold and, converse with her, thousand pounds, he ventured to declare his without being deeply smitten with her-charms. passion, and she not only heard' him with He did all in his power. to'd iscourage this patience and approbation, but also replied in dangerous invasion in the beginning,' and to terms adequate to his warmest wish. - conceal the least symptom of it"from heri re"Finding himself so favourably received, lation: he summoned all his reflection to his he pressed her to secure hlishappiness by mar- aid, and, thinking it would' be base and d'isriage bu't to this proposal she objected the honest to cherish any sentiment repugnant recency of her kinswoman's death, which to the affection which he owed to a mistress would have rendered such a step highly in- who had placed such unlimited confidence 2R 330 SMOLLETT'S SELECT WORKS. in him, he attempted to stifle the infant her faithful maid, one morning visited him flame, by avoiding the amiable inspirer of it. for the first time at his own lodgings; and, But the passion had taken too deep a root in after breakfast, desiring to speak with him in his heart to be so easily extirpated-his ab- private, he conducted her into another room, sence from the dear object increased the im- where, assuming an unusual gaiety of aspatience of his love-the intestine conflict pect,-' My dear M-,' said she,' you are between that and gratitude deprived him of now going to leave me, and God alone knows his rest and appetite-he was, in a short if ever we shall meet again; therefore, if you time, emaciated by continual watching, an- really love me with that tenderness which xiety, and want of nourishment, and so much you profess:, you will. accept of this mark ot altered from his usual cheerfulness, that his my friendship and unalterable. affection; it mistress being surprised and alarmed -at the will at least be a provision for yourjourney; chanoge, which, from the symptoms, she and if any accident should-befallme, before I judgetd was owing to some uneasiness of:have the happiness of receiving you again mind, took all imaginable pains to discover into my arms, I shall have the satisfaction the cause. of knowing that you are not altogether with"In. all probability it did not escape her out resource.' So saying, she put an empenetration; for she more than once asked broidered pocket-book into his hand. He if he was in love with her cousin? protest- expressed the high sense he had of her. gening, that, far from being an obstacle to his erosity and affection in the most pathetic happiness, she would, in that case, be an ad- terms, and begged leave to suspend his acvocate for his passion. However, this de- ceptance, until he should know the contents claration was never made without manifest.of her present, which was so extraordinary, signs of anxiety and uneasiness, which made that he absolutely refused' to receive it; he such an impression upon the heart of M-, was, however, by her repeated entreaties, in that he resolved to sacrifice his happiness, a manner compelled to receive about one and even his life, rather.than take any step half, and she afterwards insisted upon his which'might be construed into an injury or taking a reinforcement of.a considerable sum insult to a person who had treated him with for the expense of his journey.: Such generosity and goodness.. "Having stayed with her ten days beyond "' In consequence of this resolution, he the time he had fixed for his departure, and formed another, which was to go: abroad; un- settled the method of their:correspondence,'der pret'en'ce ofarecovering his health, but in he took his leave, with a heart full of sorrow, reality to. avoid the temptation, as well as anxiety, and distraction, produced from the'the suspicion of being inconsistent; and in different suggestions of his duty and love. this design he was confirmed by his physi- He then set out for France, and after a short cian, whoo actually thought him in the first stay at:Paris, proceeded to Aix in Provence, stage of a consumption, and therefore advis- and from thence to Marseilles, at which two ed hi-m to repair to the south of France. He places he continued for some months: but:cormunicated his design, with, the doctor's nothing he met with being able to dissipate.opinion, to the. lady, who agreed to it with those melancholy ideas which still preyed much less difficulty than he found in con- upon his imagination, and affected his spiquering his own reluctance at parting with rits,. he endeavoured to elude them with a the dear object of his love. The consent of succession of new objects; and, with that his generous mistress being obtained, he view, persuaded a counsellor of the parliawaited.upon her with the instrument where- ment of Aix, a man of great worth, learning, by she had made the conveyance of her for- and good humour, to accompany him in maktune to him;; and all his remonstrances being ing a tour of those parts of France which he insufficient to persuade her to take it back, had not yet seen.. On their return'from this he cancelled it in her presence, and placed excursion, they found at Aix an Italian abbe, it in that state upon her toilet, while she was a person of character, and great knowledge dressing; whereupon she. shed a torrent of of men and books, who, having travelled all tears, saying, she now plainly perceived that over Germany and France, was so far on his he wanted to tear himself from her, and that return to'his own country. his affections were settled upon another. "M-. having, by means of his friend the He was sensibly affected by this proof of her counselior, contracted an acquaintance with concern, and endeavoured to calm the' per- this gentleman, and being! desirous of seeing turbation of her mind, by vowing eternal some parts of Italy, particularly the carnival fidelity, and pressing her to accept of his of Venice, they set out together from'Marhand in due form before his departure. By seilles in a tartan for' Genoa, coasting it all.hese means her transports were quieted for the way, and lying on shore every night. the present, and the marriage deferred for Having shown him what was most remarkathe same prudential reasons.which had hith- ble in this city, his friend the abbe was so.erto prevented it. obliging as to conduct him through Tuscany, "Matters being thus compromised, and the and the most remarkable cities in Lombardv, day fixed for his departure, she, together with to Venice, where M- insisted upon de. ADVENTURES OF PEREGRINE PICKLE. 331'fraying the expense of the whole tour, in con- to Paris, in order to dissipate his anxiety, sideration of the abbe's complaisance, which where he hired an apartment' in one of the had been of infinite service to him in the academies, in the exercises whereof he took course of his expedition. Having remained singular delight. During his residence at five weeks at Venice, he was preparing to this place, he had the good fortune to ingraset out for Rome, with some English gentle- tiate himself with a great general, a descenmen whom he had met by accident, when he dant of one of the most ancientland illustrious was all of a sudden obliged to change his families of France; having attracted his resolution by some disagreeable letters which notice by some remarks he had written on he received from London. He had, from his Folard's Polybius, which were a'ccidentally first departure, corresponded with his gener- shown to that great man by one of his aidesous, though inconstant mistress, with a re- decamp, who was a particular friend' of ligious exactness and punctuality; nor was M. The favour he had thus acquired, she, for some time, less observant of the was strengthened by his assiduities'and atagreement they had made. Nevertheless tention. Upon his return to Lndo;n, he she, by degrees, became so negligent and sent some of Handel's newest compositions cold in her expression, and so slack in her to the prince, who was particularly fond of correspondence, that he could not help ob- that gentleman's productions, together with serving and upbraiding her with such in- Clark's edition of Caesar; and, in the spring difference; and her endeavours to palliate it of the same year, before the French army were supported by pretexts so frivolous, as took the field, he was honoured with a most to be easily seen through by a lover of very obliging letter from the prince, inviting him little discernment. to come over, if he wanted to see the opera"While he tortured himself with conjec- tions of the campaign, and desiringhe would tures about the cause of this unexpected give himself no trouble about his equipage. change, he received such intelligence from "M having still some remains of a England, as, when joined with that he him- military disposition, and conceiving this to self had perceived by her manner of writing, be a more favourable opportunity than' any left. him little or no room to doubt of her he should ever meet with again, readily emfickleness and inconstancy. Nevertheless, braced the offer, and sacrificed the soft de. as he knew by experience, that informations lights of love, which at that'.tiine he enjoyed of that kind are not to be entirely relied upon, without control, to an eager,.;laborious,' and he resolved to be more certainly apprized; dangerous curiosity. In that abnd'the foland,. for that end, departed immediately for lowing campaign, during which- he wa's preLondon, by the way of Tyrol, Bavaria, Al- sent at the siege of Philipsburg, and'several sace, and Paris. other actions, he enlarged his, acquaintance "On his arrival in England, he learned, among the French officers,'especially those with infinite concern, that his intelligence of the graver sort, who had a taste for books had not been at all exaggerated; and his sor- and literature; and the friendship.and interrow was inexpressible to find a person, en- est of those gentlemen were afterwards of dowed with so many other noble and amia- singular service to him, though inan affair ble qualities, seduced into an indiscretion, altogether foreign from theirprofession. that of necessity ruined the whole plan which "He had all along made diligent inquiry had. been concerted between them for their into the trade and manufactures of the coulnmutual happiness. She made several at- tries through which he had occasiont6 tra.vel, tempts, by letters and interviews,, to palliate more particularly those of Holland, England, her conduct, and soften him into a reconcili- and France; and, as he was well acquainted ation; but his honour being concerned, he with the revenue and farms of this 1as tkingremained.deaf to all her entreaties and pro- dom, he saw with concern the great disadposals. Nevertheless, I have often -heard vantages under which our tobacco-trade (the him say, that he could not help loving her, most considerable branch of our commerce and revering the memory of a person to with that people) was carried on; what inwhose generosity and goodness he owed his considerable returns were made to the planfortune, and one whose foibles were over- ters, out of the low price given by the French balanced by a thousand good qualities. He company; and how much it was in the power often insisted on making restitution; but far of that company to reduce it still lower. from complying with that proposal, she af- M - had formed a scheme to renmedy this terwards often endeavoured to lay him under evil, so far as it related to the national. loss yet greater obligations of the sar'me kind, and or gain, by not permitting the duty'of one importuned him with the warmest solicita- penny in the pound, old subsidy, to be drawn tions to renew their former correspondence, back on tobacco re-exported. He demonwhich he as often declined. strated to the ministry of that time, that so " M took this instance of the inc.on- inconsiderable a duty could not in the least stancy of the sex so much to heart; that he diminish the demand from abroad, whi.ch had almost resolved for the future to keep was the only circumstance to be apprehend-: clear of all engagements for life, and returned ed. and that the yearly produce of that reve9'S* '382 SMOLLETT'S SELECT WORKS. nue w'ould ainouit to'one hundred and had already sent; *but his good friend the twenty thousan~ poinrids, without' oie slhilling abbe.(whom he had left behind in America), additional expense to the'public; but the by an unparalleled piece of treachery, found ministry having the excise scheme then in means to overturn the whole project. He contemplation, could think of'no other till secretly wrote a memorial to the company, that should be tried; and that' project hav- importing, that he found -'by experience ing miscarried, he renewed his application, M — could afford to furnish them at a when they approved of his scheme in every much lower price than that which they haa particular, but discovered a surprising back- agreed to give; and that, by being in poswardness. to carry it into execution.' session of the contract for five years, as'was "His expectations in this quarter beihgointended accordingto the;'proposal, he would disappointed, he, by the interposition of his have the company so much in his power, friends," presented a plan to' the French that they must afterwards submit to any company, in which he set forth the; advan- price he should please t'o impose;- and that, tages that would accrue to: themselves, from if they thought him worthy of such a trust, fixing the price, and securing that sort of he would undertake to furnish them at an tobacco which best suited the taste of the easier rate, in conjunction with some of the public and their manufacture;-' and finally leading men in Virginia and Maryland, with proposed to furnish them with any quantity, whom, he said, he had already concerted at the price which they' paid'in the port of measures for that purpose. London...'. The company were so much alarmed at " After some dispute, they'agreed to his these insinuations, that they declined comproposal, and c0nftracted with him for fifteen plying with Mr M -'s demands until the thousand hogshadis a-year, for which they abbe's return; and' thilugh they afterwards obliged themselves to pay ready money, on used all their endeavours to persuade him to its arrival in any one or more convenient be concerned with that little traitor in his unports in the south or western coasts of Great dertaking, by which he might still have been Britain that he should please to fix upon fbr'a very considerable' gainer; he resisted all'that purpose. M' no sooner obtained their solicitations, and plainly told them in this contract, than'he immediately set.'out the.' abbe's' pres'ence, that he would- never for America, i:n order to put'it into'execu- prostitiite his own principles so. far, as to ention; and, by'way of companion, carried ter into engagements of any kind with a perwith him a little' French abbe, a'man of hu- son of his character, much less in a scheme mour, wit, and' learning, with whom he' had that had a manifest tendency to lower the been long acquainted, and for whom he had market price of tobacco in England. done many good offices".' "Thus ended a project the most extensive. "On his arrival' in Virginia, which oppor- simple,: and easy, and (as appeared by the tunely happened at a time when all the gen- trial made) the best calculated to raise an tlemen were assembled in the capital of that immense'fortune, of any that was ever un. province, he published a memorial, repre- dertaken or planned by a private person; a sentingthe' disadvantages under which their project, in the execution of which Mtrade was carried on, the true method of had the good of the public, and'the glory of redressing their own grievances in that putting'in a flourishing condition the valua. respect, and proposing to contract with them ble branch of our trade (which gives employ. for' the yearly quantity of fifteen thousand ment to two great provinces, and above two hogsheads of such tobacco as was fit for the hundred sail of ships), much more at heart French market, at a price which he demon- than his own private interest. It was rea. strated to be considerably greater than that sonable to expect, that a man whose debts which they had formerly received. M L.- had paid more than once, whom he "This remonstrance met with all the sue- had obliged in many other respects, and cess and encouragement he could expect: whom'he had carried with him at a very the principal planters, seeing their own in- considerable expense, on this expedition, terest concerned, readily assented to the merely with a view of bettering his fortune, proposal, which, through their influence, would have acted with common honesty, if was also relished by the rest; and the only not with gratitude; but such was the depravdifficulty that remained related to the secu- ity of this' little monster's heart, that, on his rity for payment of the bills on the arrival of death-bed, he left a considerable fortune to the tobacco in England, and to the time mere strangers,' with whom he had little or stipulated for the continuance of the con- no connection, without the Least thought of. tract. refunding the money advnr.ced for him by "In order to remove these objections, Mr M —, in order to prevernt his rotting in a M returned to Europe, and found the jail. French company of farmers disposed to "When M-'had once oltained a cornagree to every thing he desired for facilitat- mand of money, he, by his knowledge in ing the execution'of the contract,'and per- several branches of trade, as vell as by the fectly well. pleased with the: sample which -he assistance of some intelg' cnt friends at ADVENTURES OF PEREGRINE PICKLE. 33 Paris and London, found means to employ it of the young upstart. Indeed; the early to very good purpose; and had'he been a intelligence he received of Mr A -y's man of that selfish disposition, which too making himself known in the West Indies, much prevails in the world, he might hlave furnished him with numberless advantages been at this day master of a very ample for- over that unhappy young gentleman.; for, tune;- but his ear was never deaf to the voice being in possession of a plentiful fortune, and of distress, nor his beneficent heart shut lord of many manors in the neighbourhood against the calamities of his fellow creatures. of the very place where the claimant was He was even ingenious in contriving the born, he knew all the witnesses who could most delicate methods of relieving modest give the most material evidence of his legitiindigence; and by his industrious benevo- macy; and, if his probity did. not restrain lence, often anticipated the requests of him, had, by his power and influence, suffimisery. cient opportunity and means of applying to " I. could relate a number of examples to the passions and interest of the witnesses, to illustrate my assertions, in some of which silence many, and gain' over...thers'to his you will perceive the most' disinterested side; while his competitor, by an absence of generosity; but such a detail would trespass fifteen, or sixteen years from his native too much upon your time, and I do not pre- country, the want of education and friends, tend to dwell upon every minute circum- together withhis present helpless situation, stance of his conduct. Let it suffice to say, was rendered absolutely incapable.of taking that, upon the declaration of war with Spain, any step for his own advantage. And alhe gave up all his commercial schemes, and though his worthy uncle's conspicuous virtue, called in his money firom all quarters, with a and religious regard for justice.and truth, view of:sitting down, for the rest of his life.,. might possibly be an unconque'rable restraint contented with what he had got, and restrain- to his taking any undue advantages, yet the ing his liberalities to what he could spare. consciences of that huge army,of emissaries from his yearly income. This was a very he kept in pay were not altogether so: very prudential resolution, could he have kept it; tender and Tscrupulous. This i muchj howbut, upon the breaking out of the war, he ever, may be said, without derogatiorn,-from, could not without concern see many gentle- or impeachment. of, the noble; earl',s nice men of merit, who had been recommended virtue and honour, that he. tok. cae.to.cornto him, disappointed of commissions, merely promise.. all differences with.the othr branfor want of money to satisfy the expectations ches of the family, whose interests were, in of the commission-brokers of that time; and this affair,. connected with his own, by sharing therefore launched out considerable sums for the estate'with them, and also retained most them on their bare notes, great part whereof of the eminent counsel within the bar of both was lost by the death of some in..the unfor- kingdoms against this formidable; bastard, tunate expedition to the West Indies. before any suit was instituted by hitm..... "He at length, after many other actions "While' he was thus entrenching h-imself of the like nature, from motives of.:pure against the attack of a poor forlorn youth, at humanity, love of justice, and abhorrence of the distance of fifteen hundred leagues, conoppression, embarked in a cause every way tinually exposed to the dangers of.the -sea, the most important that ever came.under the the war, and an unhealthy climate, Mr M~-, discussion of the courts of law in these king- in the common course of conversation, hapdoms; whether it be considered in relation pened to.ask some questions relating to this to the extraordinary nature of the case, or romantic pretender, of one H-R., who was the immense property of no. less than fifty at that time the present Lord A-a's chief thousand pounds a-year and three peerages, agent. This man, when pressed, could not that depended upon it. help owning that the late Lord A- m act"In the year 1740, the brave admiral who ually left a son,'who. had been spirited away at that time commanded his majesty's fleet into America soon after his father's death, in the West Indies, among the other trans- but said he did not know whether this was actions of his squadron transmitted to the the same person. duke of Newcastle, mentioned a young man, "This information could not fail to make who, though in the capacity. of a common an impression on the humanity of Mr M-, sailor on board one of the ships under his who, being acquainted witli the' genius of the command, laid claim to the estate and titles wicked party who, had possessed themselves of the earl of A-.. These pretensions of this unhappy young man's estate- and were no sooner communicated in the public honours, expressed no small anxiety and appapers, than they became the subject'of con- prehension lest they should take him-off by versation in all companies; and the person some means or other; and, even then, seemwhom they chiefly affected, being alarmed at ed disposed to contribute towards the sup. the appearance of a competitor, though at port of the friendless orpban, and to inquire such a distance, began to put. himself in. more circumstantially. into the. natur.e of. his motion, and take all the precautions which claim. In the mean, time. his: occasions lie thought necessary to defeat the endeavour called him to France; aand, during his ab 334 SMOLLETT'S SELECT WORKS. sence, Mr A-y arrived in London in the missed with costs, after it had depended upmonth of October 1741." wards of two years. Here the clergyman was interrupted by "Lord A m finding himself abused by Peregrine, who said there was something so the misrepresentations of his mother and extraordinary, not to call it improbable, in sister, discovered an inclination to be reconthe account he had heard of the young gen- ciled to his lady: in consequence of which, tieman's being sent into exile, that he would she was sent over to Dublin by her father, look upon himself as infinitely obliged to the to the care of a gentleman in that city; in doctor, if he would favour him with a true whose house she was received by her husrepresentation of that transaction, as well as band with all the demonstrations of love and' of the manner in which he arrived and was esteem. From thence he conducted her to known at the island of Jamaica. his lodgings, and then to his country-house, The parson, in compliance with our hero's where she had the misfortune to suffer a misrequest, taking up the story from the begin- carriage, through fear and resentment of my ning, —" Mr A y," said he, "is the son of lord's behaviour, which was often brutal and Arthur late lord baron of A- m, by his indecent. From the country they removed wife Mary Sh-d, natural daughter to to Dublin, about the latter end of July, or John duke of B- and N- by, whom he beginning of August 1714, where they had publicly married on the 21st day of July 1706, not long continued, when her ladyship was contrary to the inclination of his mother, known to be again with child. and all his other relations, particularly of "Lord A m and his issue being next in Arthur, late earl of A a, who bore an im- remainder to the honours and estate of placable enmity to the duke her father, and, Arthur earl ofA —, he was extremely solicitfor that reason, did all that lay in his power ous to have a son; and, warned by the freto traverse the marriage; but, finding his quent miscarriages of his lady, resolved to endeavours ineffectual, he was so much curb the natural impatience and rusticity of offended, that he would never be perfectly his disposition, that she might not, as formerreconciledto Lord A- m, though he was his ly, suffer by his outrageous conduct. He presumptive heir. After their nuptials, they accordingly cherished her with uncommon cohabited together in England for the space tenderness and care; and her pregnancy of two or three years, during which she mis- being pretty far advanced, conducted her to carried more than once; and he being a man his country-seat, where she was delivered of of levity, and an extravagant disposition, Mr A y, about the latter end of April, or not only squandered away all that he had beginning of May; for none of the witnesses received of his wife's fortune, but' also con- have been able, at this distance, with absolute tracted many considerable debts, which certainty, to fix the precise time of his birth, obliged him to make a precipitate retreat and there was no register kept in the parish; into Ireland' leaving his lady behind him in as an additional misfortune, no gentleman the house with his mother and sister, who, of fashion lived in that parish; nor did those having also been averse to the match, had who lived at any considerable distance care always looked upon her with eyes of disgust. to cultivate an acquaintance with a man of "It was not likely that harmony should Lord A m's strange conduct. long subsist in this family, especially as "Be that as it will, the occasion was celeLady A-m was a woman of a lofty spirit, brated by his lordship's tenants and depenwho could not tamely bear insults and ill dents upon the spot, and in the neighbouring usage from persons who, she had reason to town of New Ross, by bonfires, illuminabelieve, were her enemies at heart. Ac- tions, and other rejoicings; which have made cordingly, a misunderstanding soon happened such an impression upon the minds of the among them, which was fomented by the people, that in the place where they hapmalice of one of her sisters-in-law; divers pened, and the contiguous parishes, several scandalous reports of her misconduct, to hundred persons have already declared their which the empty pretensions of a vain knowledge and remembrance of this event, wretched coxcomb (who was made use of as in spite of the great power of the claimant's an infamous tool for that purpose) gave a adversary in that quarter, and the great colourable pretext, were trumped up, and pains and indirect methods taken by his transmitted, with many fals` and aggravating numberless agents and emissaries, as well as circumstances, to her husband in Ireland; by those who are interested with him in the who, being -a giddy unthinking man, was so event of the suit, to corrupt and suppress the much inicensed at these insinuations, that, evidence. in the first transports of his passion, he sent "Lord A- m, after the birth of his son, to his mother a power of attorney, that she who was sent to nurse in the neighbourhood, mnight sue fot a divorce in' his behalf. A according to the custom of the country libel was thereupon exhibited, containing (where people of the highest distinction put many sciandai us allegations, void of any real their. children out to nurse into farm-houses foundatioii in truth; b'ut being unsupported and cabins), lived in harmony with his lady by any manner of proof, it was at length dis- for the space of two years; but having, by ADVENTURES OF PEREGRINE PICKLE. 335 his folly and extravagance, reduced himself This creature no sooner understood that to great difficulties, he demanded the re- Lady A m was departed from Ireland, mainder of her fortune from her father the than she openly avowed her marriage, and duke of B-, who absolutely refused to went about publicly with Lord A —m, part with a shilling until a proper settlement visiting his acquaintances in the character should be made on his daughter, which, by of his wife. that time, he had put it out of his own power "From this era may be-dated the beginning to make, by his folly and extravagance. of Mr A-y's misfortune: this artful wo"As her ladyship, by her endeavours to man, who had formerly treated the child reform the economy of her house, had in- with an appearance of fondness, in order to curred the displeasure of some idle profligate ingratiate herself with the father, now lookfellows, who had fastened themselves upon ing upon herself as sufficiently established in her husband, and helped. to consume his sub- the family, thought it was high time:to alter stance, they seized this opportunity of the her behaviour with regard to. the unfortunate duke's refusal; and, in order to be revenged boy; and accordingly, for obvious' reasons, upon the innocent lady, persuaded Lord employed a thousand artifices to alienate the A m, that the only means of extracting heart of the weak father from his unhappy money from his grace, would be to turn her offspring; yet, notwithstanding all her inaway, on pretence of infidelity to his bed, sinuations, nature still maintained her'influfor which they hinted there was but too much ence in his heart; and though she often foundation. At their suggestions, a most found means to irritate him by artful and infamous plan was projected; in the execu- malicious accusations, his resentment never tion of which, one P-, a poor, unbred, extended farther than fatherly corredtion. simple country booby, whom they had decoy- She would have found it impossible' to aced into a snare, lost one of his ears, and the complish his ruin, had not her efforts been injured lady retired that same day to New reinforced by a new auxiliary, who was no Ross, where she continued several years. other than his uncle, the present usurper of She did not, however, leave the house, with- his title and estate; yet even this confederacy out struggling hard to carry her child along was overawed, in some measure, by the fear with her; but far from enjoying such indul- of alarming the unfortunate mother, until gence, strict orders were given that the boy her distemper increased to a most deplorable should not, for the future, be brought within degree of the dead palsy, and the death of her sight. This base, inhuman treatment, her father had reduced her to a most forlorn instead of answering the end proposed, pro- and abject state of distress. Then they duced such a contrary effect that the duke ventured upon the execution of their proof B, by a codicil to his will, in whi6h jects; and (though their aims were widely he reflects upon Lord A- m's evil temper, different) concurred in their endeavours to directed his executors to pay to his daughter remove the hapless boy, as the commont an annuity of one hundred pounds while her obstacle to both. lord and she should continue to live separate; "Lord A n m (who, as I have' alreadyk and this allowance was to cease on Lord observed) was a man'of weak intellects, and A- m's death. utterly void of any fixed principle of actioni, " While she remained in this solitary situa- being by this time reduced to such a pitch of tion, the child was universally known and misery, that he was often obliged' to pawn received as the legitimate son and heir of his wearing-apparel in order to procure the her lord, whose affection for the boy was so common necessaries of'life; and having no conspicuous, that, in the midst of his own other fund remaining, with which he could necessities, he never failed to maintain him in relieve his present necessities, except a sale the dress and equipage of a young nobleman. of the reversion of the A-a estate, to In the course of his infancy, his father hav- which the nonage of his son wa's'an effectual ing often changed his place of residence, the bar, he was advised by his virtuous brother, child was put under the instructions of a and the rest of his counsellors:, to surmount great many different schoolmasters, so that this difficulty, by secreting his son, and he was perfectly well known in a great many spreading a report of his death.'This honest different parts of the kingdom; and his mother project he the more readily embraced, because seized all opportunities (which were but rare, he knew that no act of his could frustrate on account of his father's orders to the con- the child's succession. Accordingly, the boy trary) of seeing and giving him proofs of her was removed from the school at which he maternal tenderness, until she set out for was then boarded, to the house of one England, after having been long in a declin- K- h, an agent and accomplice of the ing state of health, by a paralytical disorder: present earl of A- a, where he was kept upon the consequence of which, such depen- for several months closely confined; and, in dence was placed by her inconsiderate hus- the mean time, it was industriously reported band, who was by this time reduced to ex- that he was dead. treme poverty, that he actually married a "This previous measure being taken, Lord woman whom he had long kept as a mistress. A- n m published advertisements in the 336 SiMNOLLETT'S SELECT WORKS. gazettes, offering reversions of the A a away his fortune with the most ridiculous estate to sale; and emissaries of various extravagance, but also associated himself kinds were employed to inveigle such as were with low company, so that he was little ignorant of thel-nature of the settlement of' known, and less regarded, by persons of any7 these estates, or strangers to the affairs of rank and figure in life; and his child, of conhis family. Some people, imposed upon by sequence, debarred of the advantages which the -report of the child's death, were drawn might have accrued from valuable connecin to purchase, thinking themselves safe in tions. And though it was universally known, the concurrence of his lordship's brother, that Lady A --— m had a son. in Ireland, upon presumption that he was next in re- such was the obscurity in which the father mainder to the succession; others, tempted had lived, during the last years of his life, by:the smallness of: the price (which rarely that few of the nobility could be supposed to exceeded half a-year's purchase, as appears be acquainted with the particular circumby many deeds), though they doubted the stances of a transaction in which they had truth of the boy's -being dead, ran small no concern, and which had happened at the risks, on the contingency of his dying before distance of twelve years before the date of he should be of age, or in hopes of -his being this usurpation. Moreover, as their first in. prevailed upon to confirm the grants of his formation was no other than common fame, father;.and many more were treating with the public clamour occasioned by the separahim -on the same notions, when their trans- tion might inspire such as were strangers to actions were suddenly interrupted, and the- the family affairs with a mistaken notion of scheme of.raising more money, for the: pre. the, child's having been born abouti or after sent, defeated by the unexpected appearance the time of that event. The hurry and, bustle of the boy;, who, being naturally sprightly occasioned by the arrival of'the lord-lieuand impatient of restraint, had found means tenant about this period, the reports intobreak from his confinement, and wandered dustriously propagated of the claimant's up and down the streets of Dublin, avoiding death, the obscurity and concealment in his father's house, and choosing to encounter which the boy was obliged to live, in order all sorts of' distress, rather than subject him- to elude the wicked attempts of his uncle, self again to the cruelty and malice of the might also contribute to the peaceable enwoman who supplied his mother's place. joyment of an empty title;: and, lastly, Lord Thus debarred his father's protection, and Chancellor WNT m, whoseimmediate prodestitute of any fixed habitation, he herded vince it was to issue writs for parliament, with all. the loose, idle, and disorderly youths was an utter stranger in Ireland, unacquainted in Dlublin,-shulking chieflyaboqt the college, with the descents of families, and conseseveral members and.students of which, tak- quently did not examine farther.than the cering pity on his,misfortunes, supplied him at tificate enrolled in the books of the king at different times with clothes and money. In arms. Over and above these circumstances, this unsettled and uncomfortable way of life which naturally account for the success of did he. remain, from the year 1725, to the the imposture, it may be observed, that latter.end of, November 1727; at which time the hapless youth had not one relation alive, his'father died so miserably-poor, that he on the side of his father, whose interest it was actually buried at the public expense. was not to forward or con'hive at his de"This unfortunate nobleman'was no sooner struction; that his grandfather the duke of dead, than his brother Richard, now earl of B. was dead; and that his mother'was A —— a, taking advantage of the nonage and then in England, in a forlorn, destitute, dying helpless situation of his nephew, seized upon condition, secreted from the world, and even all the:papers of the defilnct, and afterwards from her own relations, by her woman, Mary usurped the title of Lord, A- m, to the H-, who had a particularinterest to secrete surprise of the servants and others who were her, and altogether dependent upon a miseracquainted with the affairs of the family. able and precarious allowance from the duThis usurpation, bold as it was, produced no chess of B -, to whose caprice she was other effect than.that of his. being insulted by moreover a most wretched slave.': the populace as he went.through the streets, " Notwithstanding these concurring cirand the refusal of the king at arms to enrol cumstances in favour of the usurper, he did the-'certificate of his brother's having. died not think himself secure while, the orphan without issue. The first of.these inconve- had any chance of finding -a friend who niences he bore without any sense of shame, would undertake his cause; and therefore though not without repining, conscious that laid a plan for his being kidnapped, and sent it would gradually vanish with the novelty to America as a slave. His coadjutor in of his invasion.; and as to the last, he con- this inhuman scheme was a person who carquered it by means well known. and obvious. ried.on the trade of transporting servants to,"Nor will it seem strange, that he should our plantations, and was deeply interested on thus invade the rights of.an orphan' with this occasion, having, for a mere trifle, pulimpunity,, if people will consider, that the chased of the late Lord A. —m, the reverlate Lord-A —-mn had not only squandered sion of a considerable part of the A a ADVENTURES OF PEREGRINE PICKLL. 337 estate; which shameful bargain was confirmed man not only told the lieuteiiant, tha't he had by the brother, but could never take place been school-fellow with Lord A —m's son, unless the boy could be effectually removed. but also declared that he should know him "Every thinging beig settled with this auxi- again, if not greatly altered, as he still reliary, several ruffianrs were employed in tained a perfect idea of his countenance. search of the unhappy victim; and tile first " Upon this intimation the lieutenant proattempt that was made upon him, in which posed that the experiment should be tried; his uncle personally assisted, happening near and went with the midshipman on board the one. of, the great markets of the city of Dub- ship that the claimant was in, for that purlin, an honest butcher, with the assistance of pose; After all the sailors hlad been ashis neighbours, rescued him by force from sembled upon deck, Mr B —n, casting his their cruel hands. This, however, was but a eyes around, imnmediately distinguished Mr short' respite; for (though; warned by this A —y in the crowd, and laying -his hand on adventure, the boy seldom crept out of his his shoulder,-" this is the man," said he; lurking places, without the most cautious affirming at the same time, that while he circumspection) he was, in March 1727, dis- continued at school with him, the claimant covered by the diligence of his persecutors, was reputed and respected as Lord A -m's and forcibly dragged on board of a ship son and heir, and maintained in all respects bound for Newcastle on Delaware river in suitably to the dignity of his rank. Nay, he America, where he was sold as a slave, and was, in like manner, recognised by several kept to hard labour, much above his age or other persons in the fleet, who had known strength, for the space of -thirteen years, him in his infancy. during which he was transferred from one "These things being reported to the adperson to another. miral, he generously ordered him to be sup "While he remained in this servile situa- plied with necessaries, and treated like a gention, he often mentioned, to those in whom tleman; and, in his next dispatches, transhe thought such confidence might be placed, mitted an account of the affair to the Duke the circumstances of his birth and title, to- of Newcastle, among the other transactions gether with the manner of his being exiled of the fleet. from his native country; although, in this "In September or'October 1741, Mr A-y particular, he neglected a caution which he arrived in London; and the first person to had received in his passage, importing that whom he applied for advice and assistance such a discovery would cost him his life. was a man of the law, nearly related to the Meanwhile the usurper quietly enjoyed his families of A —a...and A m, and well right; and to those who questioned him about acquainted with the particular affairs of his brother's son, constantly replied, that the each; who, far from treating.him as a bastard boy had been dead for several years; and and impostor, received him with civility and Arthur, earl of A —— a, dying in April 1737, seeming kindness, asked him to eat, prehe, upon pretence of being next heir, suc- sented him with a piece of money, and, exceeded to the honours and estate of that cusing himself from meddling in the affair, nobleman. advised him'to go.u to Ireland, as the most'The term of the nephew's bondage, which proper place for corhmnencing a suit for the had been lengthened out beyond the usual recovery of his right. time, on account of his repeated attempts. to "Before the young gentleman had an opescape, being expired in the year 1736, he portunity, or indeed anysinclination, to cornhired himself as a common sailor in a trading ply.with this advice, he was accidentally met vessel bound to Jamaica; and there, being in the street by that same 1t —n, who, as entered on board of one of his majesty's I have mentioned, gave Mr M — the first ships under the command of Admiral Vernon, insight into the affair' this man immediately openly declared his parentage and preten- knew the claimant, having been formerly an sions. This extraordinary claim, which made agent for his father, and afterwards a creature a great noise in the fleet, reaching the.ears of his uncle's, with whom he was, not withof one Lieutenant S —n, nearly related to out reason, suspected to be concerned in the usurper's Irish wife, he believed the young kidnapping and transporting his nephew. gentleman to be an impostor; and thinking Be that as' it will, his connexions with the it was incumbent on him to discover the usurper were now broken off bya quarrel, in cheac, he went on board the ship to which consequence of which he had thrown up his the claimant belonged, and having heard the agency; and he invited the hapless stranger account which he gave of himself, was, not- to his house, with a view of making all posswithstanding his prepossessions, convinced ible advantage of suich a guest. of the truth of what he alleged. On his "There he had.not long,remained, when return to his own ship, he chanced to men- his treacherous landlord, tampering with his tion thisextraordinary affair upon the quarter- inexperience, effected a marriage between deck, in the hearing of Mr B-n, one of him and the daughter of one of. his own the midshipmen, who had formerly been at friends, who lodged in his house at the same school with Mr A y. This young gentle- time: but afterwards, seeing no person of 2S 3:38 SLSMOLLETT'S SELECT WORKS. consequence willing to espouse his cause, he since sincerely regretted) furnished his ad looked upon him as an incumbrance, and versary with a colourable pretext to cut;hi wanted to rid his hands of him accordingly. off in the beginning of his career. He remembered that Mr -- had ex- "A man happening to lose his life by the pressed himself with all the humanity of ap- accidental discharge of a piece that chanced prehension in favour of the unfortunate young to be in the young gentleman's hands, the nobleman, before his arrival in England; and, account of this misfortune no sooner reached being well acquainted with the generosity of the ears of his uncle, than he expressed' the his disposition, he no sooner understood that most immoderate joy at having found so good he was returned from France, than he waited a handle for destroying him, under colour' of upon him with an account of Mr A-y's law. He immediately constituted himself being safely arrived. Mr M- was sin- prosecutor, set his emissaries at work to cerely rejoiced to find, that a person who had secure a coroner's inquest suited to his cruel been so. cruelly injured, and undergone so purposes; set out for the place in person, to long and continued a scene of distress, was take care that the prisoner should not escape; restored to a country where he was sure of insulted him in jail, in the most inhuman obtaining justice, and where every good man manner, employed a whole army of attorneys (as he imagined) would make the cause his and agents, to spirit up and carry on a most own: and being informed that the youth was virulent prosecution; practised all the unfair in want of necessaries, he gave twenty methods that could be invented, in order that guineas to H- n for his use, and promised the unhappy gentleman should be transported to do him all the service in his power; but to Newgate, from the healthy prison to had no intention to take upon himself the which he was at first committed; endeawhole weight of such an important affair, or voured to inveigle him into destructive conindeed to appear in the cause, until he should fessions; and, not to mention other more be fully and thoroughly satisfied that the infamous arts employed in the affair of claimant's pretensions were well founded. evidence, attempted to surprise him upon his "In the mean time, H- n insinuating trial, in the absence of his witnesses and that the young gentleman was not safe in counsel, contrary to a previous agreement his present lodging, from the machinations with the prosecutor's own attorney: nay, he of his enemies, M — accommodated him even appeared in person upon the bench at with an apartment in his own house; where the trial, in order to intimidate the evidence, he was at great pains to remedy the defect and brow-beat the unfortunate prisoner at in his education, by rendering him fit to the bar, and expended above a thousand appear as a gentleman in the world. Having pounds in that prosecution. In spite of all received from him all the intelligence he his wicked efforts, however, which were could give relating to his own affair, he laid defeated by the spirit and indefatigable in. the case before counsel, and dispatched a dustry of Mr M —, the young gentleman person to Ireland, to make further inquiries was honourably acquitted, to the evident upon the same subject; who, on his first satisfaction of all the impartial; the misarrival in that kingdom, found the claimant's fortune that gave a handle for that unnatural birth was as publicly known as any circum- prosecution appearing to a demonstration to stance of that kind could possibly be, at so have been a mere accident. great a distance of time. "In a few months, his protector, who had "The usurper anrd his friends gave all the now openly e6spoused his cause (taking with interruption in their power to any researches him two gentlemen to witness his transconcerning that affair; and had recourse to actions), conducted him to his native country, every art and expedient that could be in- with a view to be better informed of the vented, to prevent it being brought to a legal strength of his pretensions, than he could be discussion; privilege, bills in chancery, orders by the intelligence he had hitherto received, of court surreptitiously and illegally obtained, or by the claimant's own dark and almost and every other invention, were made use of obliterated remembrance of the facts which to bar and prevent a fair and honest trial by were essential to be known. Upon their a jury. The usurper himself, and his agents, arrival in Dublin, application was made to at the same time that they formed divers those persons whom Mr A —y had named conspiracies against his life, in vain endea- as his schoolmasters and companions, togevoured to detach Mr M — from the orphan's ther with the servants and neighbours of his cause, by innumerable artifices, insinuating, father. These, though examined separately, cajoling, and misrepresenting, with surprising without having the least previous intimation dexterity and perseverance. of what the claimant had reported, agreed in "His protector, far from being satisfied their accounts with him, as well as with one with their reasons, was not only deaf to another, and mentioned many other people their remonstrances, but believing him in as acquainted with the same facts, to whom danger from their repeated efforts, had him Mr M had recourse, and still met with privately conveyed into the country; where the same unvaried information. By these an unhappy accident (which he hath ever means, he made such progress in his inoui ADVENTURES OF PEREGRINE PICKLE. 339. ries, that, in less than two months, no fewer person with his agents and: friends, some of than one hundred persons, from different whom were detached before him, to prepare. quarters of the kingdom, either personally, or \for his reception, and induce the people to by letters, communicated their knowledge of meet him. in a body, and accompany him to the claimant, in declarations consonant with town, withl such expressions of welcome as one another, as well as with the accounts he they had before bestowed on his nephew; but, gave of himself. Several servants who had in spite of all their art and interest, he was suflived with his father, and been deceived with fered to pass through the street in a mournful the story of his death, so industriously pro- silence: and though several barrels of beer pagated by his uncle, no sooner heard of his were produced,~ to court the favour of the being in Dublin, than they came from dif- populace, they had no., other effect than that ferent parts of the country to' see him; and of drawing their ridicule upon the donor; though great pains were taken to deceive whereas, when Mr A y, two days afterthem, they, nevertheless, knew him at first wards, appeared, all the inhabitants, with sight; some of them fell upon their knees to garlands, streamers, music, an:d other ensigns thank Heaven for his preservation, embraced of joy, crowded out to meet him, and ushered his legs, and shed tears of joy for his return. him into town with such demonstrations of "Although the conduct of his adversary, pleasure and good will, that the noble peer particularly in the above-mentioned prosecu- found it convenient to hide himself from the tion, together with the evidence that already resentment of his own tenants, the effects of appeared, were sufficient to convince all which he must have severely felt, had not mankind of the truth of the claimant's pre- he been screened by the timely remonstrantensions, Mr M —, in order to be further ces of Mr M-, and the other gentlemen satisfied, resolved to see how he would be who accompanied his competitor. received upon the spot where he was born; " Nor did his apprehension vanish witn justly concluding, that, if he was really an the transaction of this day; the town was impostor, the bastard of a kitchen-wench, again in an uproar on the Sunday following, produced in a country entirely possessed by when it was known that Mr A-y inhis enemy and his allies, he must be looked tended to come thither from Dunrnain to upon in that place with the utmost detesta- church; they went out to meet him as before, tion and contempt. and conducted him to the church-door with "This his intention was no sooner known acclamations, which terrified his uncle to to the adverse party, than their agents and such a degree, that he fled with precipitation friends, from all quarters, repaired to that in a boat, and soon after entirely quitted the place with all possible dispatch, and used place. all their influence with the people, in re- "It would be almost an endless task to monstrances, threats, and all the other arts enumerate the particular steps that were they could devise, not only to discountenance taken by one side to promote, and by the the claimant upon his arrival, but even to other to delay the trial. The young gentlespirit up a. mob to insult him. Notwith- man's adversaries finding that they could not, standing these precautions, and the servile by all the subterfuges and arts they.bad awe and subjection in which tenants are kept used, evade it, repeated attempts were made by their landlords in that part of the country, to assassinate him and his protector, and as soon as it was known that Mr A-y every obstruction thrown in the way of his approached the town, the inhabitants crowded cause which craft could invent, villainy exeout in great multitudes to receive and we]- cute, and undue influence confirm. But all come him, and accompanied him into town these difficulties were surmounted by the with acclamations and other expressions of vigilance, constancy, courage', and sagacity joy, insomuch that the agents of his adversary of M-; and, at last,- the affair was durst not show their faces. The sovereign brought. to a very solemn trial at bar, which of the corporation, who was a particular being continued, by several adjournments,. creature and favourite of the usurper, and from the eleventh to the twenty-fifth day. of whose all depended upon the issue of the November, a verdict was found for the claimcause, was so conscious of the stranger's ant by a jury of gentlemen, which, in point right, and so much awed by the behaviour of of reputation and property, cannot be easily the people, who knew that consciousness, paralleled in the annals of that or any other that he did not think it safe even to preserve country; a jury that could by no means be the appearance of neutrality upon this occa- suspected of prepossessions in favour of Mr sion, but actually held the stirrup while Mr A-y (to whose person they were absolute A y dismounted from his horse. strangers), especially if we consider, that a "This sense of conviction in the people gentleman in their neighbourhood, who was manifested itself still more powerfully when nephew to the foreman, and nearly related to he returned to the same place in the year some of the rest of the number, forfeited a 1744, about which time Lord A a being considerable estate bv their decision. informed of his resolution, determined again "This verdict," said the parson " gave to be beforehand with him, and set out in Ithe highestsatisfaction to allimnartial persons 29 340Q SMOLLETT'S: SELECT WORKS. that were within reach of being -duly inform- prosecution to take away his life' under theed of their proceedings' and of the different sanction of law, and who had also given genius: and conduct'of the.parties engaged such glaring proofs of his skill and dexterity in the contest, but more.-especially to such. in. the management: of witnesses for that as were in court (as I was) at the trial, and cruel purpose, was in like manner capable had an opportunity of observing the charac- of exerting: the same happy talent on this ters and behaviour of the-:persons. w:ho occasion, when his all was at stake; more appeared there to give evidence. especially,,as he had so many others who "To such it was very apparent, that all were equally interested with: himself, and: the witnesses produced there,. on the -part of, whose. abilities in that respect fell nothing the uncle, were either his tenants, depend - short of his own, to second hiin in it. The enrts, pot-companions, or persons some-way gentlermen of the jury had also a near view. or other-interested in the issue of the suit, of the manner in which the witnesses deand remarkable for a slow kind of cunning; livered their testimonies, and had from that many of them were persons of pro — thence- an opportunity of observing many fligate lives, who deserved no credit; that circumstances and distinguishing character(independent of the levity of their characters) - istics of truth and falsehood, from which a those of them who went Under the denomi- great deal could be gathered,'that could not nation of colonels (Colonel Loftus alone ex- be adequately conveyed by any printed accepted, who had nothing to say, and, was., count, how exact soever; consequently, they only brought there in order to give credit-to must have been much better judges of the that party),:made so ridiculous a figure, and evidence -on which they founded- their vergave so absurd, contradictory, and incon.m dict, than.any person who had- not the same sistent an evidence, as no court or jury opportunity, can possibly be. could give the least degree of credit to. On " These, Mr Pickle, were:my reflections the other hand, it was observed, that the on what I had occasion to observe concernnephew, and Mr M -,-, his chief mana- ing that.famous- trial; and on my return to ger (being absolute strangers in that coun- England, two years after, I could not help try, and unacquainted with the characters of pitying the. self-sufficiency of some people, the persons they had to deal with), were who, at-this distance, pretended to pass- their obliged to lay before - the court and jury judgment on that verdict with as great such evidence as -came to their hand, some positiveness as if they had been in the secrets of whom plainly appeared to have been put of the cause, or upon the jury who tried it, upon them by their adversaries, with a design. and that from no better authority than the to hurt. It was also manifest, that the declarations of Lord A a's emissaries, witnesses produced for Mr A - y were and some falsified printed accounts, artfully such as could have no manner of connexion cooked up on purpose to mislead and dewith him, nor any- dependence whatsoever ceive. upon him, to influence their evidence; for " But to return from this digression-Lord the far greatest part-of them had -never seen A-a, the defendant in that cause, was so him from his infancy till the trial began, and conscious of the strength and merits of his many of them (though poor, and undignified injured nephew's case, and that a verdict with the- title of colonels) were people of would go against him, that he ordered a writ unblemished character, of great simplicity, of error to be made out before the trial was and such as no man. in his senses would ended; and the verdict was no sooner given, pitch upon to support a bad cause. It is than he immediately lodged it, though he plain that the jury (whose well-known hon- well knew he had no manner of error to our, impartiality, and penetration, must be assign. This expedient was practised revered by all who are acquainted with them) merely for vexation and. delavy, in order to were not under the least difficulty about their keep Mr A-y from the possession of the verdict; for they were not inclosed above small estate he had recovered bythe verdict, half an hour, when they returned with it. that, his slender funds being exhausted, he These gentlemen could not help observing might be deprived of other means to prosethe great inequality of the parties engaged, cute his right; and by the most oppressive the great advantages that the uncle had in contrivances and scandalous chicanery, it has every other respect (except the truth and been kept up to this day, without his being justice of his case) over the nephew, by able to assign the least shadow of any error. means of his vast possessions, and of his " Lord A- a was not the only antapower and influence all round the place of gonist.that Mr A-y had to deal with; all his birth; nor could the contrast between the the different branches of the A -a family, different geniuses of the two parties escape who hadlbeen worrying one another at law their observation. They could not but see ever since the death of the late earl of and conclude, that a person who had con- A- a, about the partition of his great fessedly transported and sold his orphan estate, were now firmly united in an assoclanephew into slavery, who, on his return, had tion against this unfortunate gentleman. carried on so unwarrantable and cruel a mutual deeds were executed among them ADVENTURES OF PEREGRINE PICKLE. 341 oy which many great lordships and estates.ning of retaining an army of counsel before were given up by the uncle to persons who any suit had been commenced? of the many had no right to. possess them, in order to sinister attempts to prevent the trial at bard engage them to side with him against his'of the vafious arts made use of to terrify any nephew, in withholding the unjust possession'one from appearing as witness for the claimof the remainder. ant, and to seduce those who had appeared. " These confederates having held sevSeral of the shameless, unprecedented, low tricks -consultations against their common enemy, now practised, to keep him out of the posand finding that his cause gathered daily session of that estate for which he had strength since the trial, by the accession of obtained the verdict, thereby to disable him many witnesses of figure and reputation, who from bringing his cause to a further hearing: -had not been heard of before, and that the and'of the attempts made to buy up Mr only chance they had to prevent the speedy M7 —'s debts, and to spirit up suits against establishment of his right, and their own him' Is it not obvious, from all these cirdestruction, was by stripping Mr M' of cumstances, as well as from the obstruction the little money that yet remained,-and by they have given to the attorney-general's stopping all frether resources whereby he proceeding to make a report to his majesty might be enabIfd to proceed; they therefore on the claimant's petition on the king for came to a determined resolution to carry'the peerage, which was referred by his that hopeful scheme into execution; and, in majesty to. that gentleman, so far back as pursuance thereof, they have left no expe- 1743, that all their efforts are bent to that dient or stratagem, how' extraordinary, or one point, of stifling, rather. than suffering scandalous soever, unpractised,. to distress the merits' of this cause to come to'a fair Mr A -y and that gentleman. For that and candid hearing; and that the sole conend, all the oppressive arts and'dilatory ex- sideration at present between them and this pensive contrivances that the fertile inven- unfortunate man, is not whether he'is right tion of the lowest pettifoggerss of the law or wrong, but whether he shall or shall not could possibly- devise, have with dexterity find money to bring this cause to a:final been played off against them, in fruitless determination? quibbling, and malicious' suits, entirely " Lord A —a and his confederates, not foreign to the merits of the cause.. Notto thinking themselves safe with all these mention numberless other acts of oppression, expedients, while there was a possibility of the most: extraordinary and unprecedented their antagonist's obtaining any' assistance proceedings, by means whereof this'sham from such as humanity, compassion, genewrit of error hath been kept on foot ever since rosity, or a love of justice might induce to lay November 1743, is to me (said the'doctor) open their purses to his assistance in ascera most flagrant instance, not only'of the taining his right, have, by themselves and prevalency of power and money (when em- their numerous emissaries, employed all the ployed, as in the present case, against an arts of calumny, slander, and detraction unfortunate, helpless man,. disabled, as he against him, by traducing his cause, vilifying is, of the means of ascertaining his right), his person, and most basely and.cruelly tearbut of the badness of a cause, that had re- ing his character to pieces, by'a thousand course to so many iniquitous expedients to misrepresentations, purposely invented.and support it. industriously propagated in all places of In a word, the whole conduct of Lord resort, which is a kind of cowardly assassinaA —-a and his party, from the beginning tion that there is no guarding against; yet, to this time, hath been such as sufficiently in spite of all these machinations, and the manifests that it could proceed from no: other shameful indifference of mankind, who stand motives than a consciousness of Mr A-'y's aloof unconcerned, and see' this unhappy right, and of their own illegal usurpations, gentleman most inhumanely oppressed' by and from a terror of trusting the merits'of the weight of lawless power and'faction, their case to a fair discussion'by thelaws of M ——, far from suffering himself to be their country; and that the intention'and dejected by the multiplying difficulties'that main drift of all their proceedings plainly crowded upon him, still exerts himself with tend to stifle and smother the merits of the amazing fortitude and assiduity, and will (I -case from the knowledge of the world, by'doubt not) bring the affair he began and oppressive arts and ingenious delays, rather carried on with so mulch spirit while his than trust it to'the candid determination finances lasted, to a happy conclusion. of an honest jury. What else could be the' It would exceed the bounds of my inmotives of kidnapping' the claimant, and tention, and perhaps trespass too much upon transporting- him when an infant? of the your time, were I to enumerate the low various attempts made upon his life since artifices and shameful quibbles by which the his return? of the attempts to divest him of usurper has found means to procrastinate all assistance to ascertain his right, by the decision of the contest between him'and endeavouring so solicitously to prevail on the hapless nephew, or to give a. detail of Mr M --- to abandon him in the begin-'the damage and perplexity which Mr M 342 SMOLLETT'S SELECT WORKS. has sustained, and been involved in by the who, as before said, under various pretences treachery and ingratitude of some who listed of being able to make material discoveries, themselves under him, in the prosecution of and otherwise to serve the cause, had found this affair, and by the villainy of others, who, means to be.employed in some extra business under various pretences of material dis- relating to it, though their. real intention coveries they had to make, &c. had fastened was to betray the claimant. themselves upon him, and continued to do " These confederates, in conjunction with all the mischief in their power, until the some other auxiliaries of infamous characcloven foot was detected. ter, being informed that Mr M — was on "One instance, however, is so flagrantly the point of securing a considerable sum, to flagitious, that I cannot resist the inclination enable him to prosecute Mr A y's right, I feel to relate it, as an example of the most and to bring it to a happy. conclusion, coninfernal perfidy that perhaps ever entered trived a deep-laid scheme to disappoint him the human heart. I have already mentioned in it, and at once to ruin the cause. And, the part which H n acted in the beginning previous measures being, taken for that of M-'s connexion with the unfortunate wicked purpose, they imposed upon the stranger, and hinted that the said H —n young gentleman's inexpq*ence and crelay under many obligations to that gentleman dulity, by insinuations equ.try false, plausibefore Mr A-y's arrival in England. He ble, and malicious; to which they at length had been chief agent to Lord A —a, and, gained his belief, by the mention. of some as it afterwards appeared, received several circumstances that gave what they alleged an payments of a secret pension which that air of probability, and even of truth. They lord enjoyed, for which he either could. not swore that Mr M - had taken out an or would not account. His lordship, there- action against him for a very large sum of fore, in order to compel him to it, took out money; that they had actually seen the writ; writs agaifist him, and his house was con- that the intention of it was to throw him into tinualy surrounded with catchpoles for the prison for life, and ruin his cause, in consespace of two whole years. quence of an. agreement made by him with'Mr M —, believing, from Mr H-n's Lord. A. and his other enemies, to own account of the matter, that the poor man retrieve the money that he had laid out in the was greatly injured, and persecuted on ac- cause. count of his attachnment to the unhappy " This plausible tale was enforced with young gentleman, did him all the good offices such an. air of truth, candour, and earnest in his power, and became security for him concern, for his safety, and was strengthene~ on several occasions: nay, such was his by so many imprecations and corroborating opinion of his integrity, that, after Mr circumstances of their invention, as would A- y was cleared of the prosecution have staggered one of much greater expericarried on against him by his uncle, his per- ence and knowledge of mankind than Mr son was trusted to the care of this hypocrite, A —y could be supposed to be at that time. who desired that the young gentleman might The notion of perpetual imprisonment, and lodge at his house for the convenience of the certain ruin they made him.. believe his air, M -'s own occasions calling him often cause: was threatened with, worked up his to the country. imagination to such a degree, that he suf"Having thus, by his consummate dis- fered himself to be led like a lamb to the simulation, acquired such a valuable charge, slaughter, by this artful band of villains, who he wrote a letter to one of Lord A- a's secreted him at the lodgings of, one Pr-nattorneys, offering to betray Mr A —.y,. t-ce, an intimate of G-str —ey's, for provided his lordship would settle his account, several days, under colour -of. his being and give him a discharge for eight hundred hunted by bailiffs employed by Mr M —, pounds of the pension which he had re- where he was not only obliged by them to ceived, and not accounted for. Mr M —, change his name, but even his wife was not informed of this treacherous proposal, im- suffered to have access to-him. mediately removed his lodger from his house " Their design was to have sold him, or into his own, without assigning his reasons drawn him into a ruinous compromise with for so doing, until he was obliged to declare his adversaries, for a valuable consideration it in order to free himself from the impor- to themselves. But as no ties are binding tunities of H- n, who earnestly solicited among such a knot of villains, the rest of the his return. This miscreant, finding himself conspirators were jockeyed by G-st-ey, detected and disappointed in his villainous who, in order to monopolize the addesign, was so much enraged at his miscar- vantage to.:himself,. hurried his prize into riage, that, forgetting all the benefits he had the country, and secreted him even from his received from M for a series of years, confederates, in a place of concealment one he practised all the mischief that his malice hundred miles from London, under the could contrive against him; and at lengthen- same ridiculous pretence of. Mir M-'s tered into a confederacy with one G-st-ey, having taken out a writ. against him, and of Wld several other abandoned wretches. bailiffs beingmin.;pursuit of him every-where round London. ADVENTURES OF PEREGRINE PICKLE. 343 "He was no sooner there, than G-st-ey, ment of G-st-ey's six thousand pound as a previous step to the other villainy he bond. That money was to have been raised intended, tricked him out of a bond for six out of the estate of a lunatic, w'hich could thousand pounds, under colour of his having a not be done without the leave of'the' court person ready to advance the like sum upon of chancery, to whom an account must have it, as an immediate fund for carrying on his been given of the intended application of it. cause; assuring him, at the same time, that While preparations were making to rectify he had a set of gentlemen ready, who were this omission, G-st-ey immediately carWilling to advance twenty-five thousand ried Mr A- y again into the country, lest pounds more for the same purpose, and to he should happen to be undeceived by some allow him five hundred pounds a year for means or other. his maintenance, till his cause should be "In the mean time, this wicked machinamade an end of, provided that Mr M - tion was providentially discovered by Mr should have no further concern with him M -, before it could be carried into exand his cause. ecution, by means of the jealousies that "Mr A-y, having by this time received arose among the conspirators.: tiemselves; some intimations,of the deceit that had been and was, at the same time, confirinmed to him put upon him, made answer, that he should by a person whom the very agent' for the look upon himself as a very ungrateful mon- A-a party had intrusted with the secret. ster indeed, if he deserted a person who had M- no sooner detected'it, than he saved his life, and so generously ventured communicated his discovery to one of Mr his own, together with his fortune, in his A -y's counsel, a man of great worth, and cause, until he should first be certain of the immediately thereupon took proper measures truth of what was alleged of him, and abso- to defeat it. He then found means to lay lutely rejected the proposal. G-st-ey, open to Mr A y himself the treacherous -who had no other view in making.it, than to scheme that was laid for his destruction; he cover the secret villainy he meditated against was highly sensible of it, and could never him, and to facilitate the execution thereof, afterwards reflect on the snare that he had easily receded from it, when he found Mr so unwarily been drawn'into, and had so A — y so averse to it, and undertook never- narrowly escaped, without'a mixture of theless to raise the money, adding, that he horror, shame, and gratitude to his deliverer. might, if he pleased, return to Mr M - " The consummate assurance of the monwhenever it was secured. The whole drift sters who were engaged in this plot, after of this pretended undertaking to raise the they had been detected, and upbraided with twenty-five thousand pounds, was only to their treachery, is scarce to be paralleled; lay a foundation for a dexterous contrivance for they not only owned the fact of to draw Mr A- y unwarily into the execu- spiriting Mr A -y away in the manner tion of a deed relinquishing all his right and above mentioned, but justified their doing it title, under the notion of its being a deed to as tending to his service. They also mainsecure. the repayment of that sum. tained that'they had actually secured the "G —st —ey having, as he imagined, so twenty-five thousand pounds for him, though far paved the way for the execution of such they never could name any one person who a deed, enters into an agreement with an was to have advanced the money. No man agent, employed for that purpose by Mr was more active in this scheme than H -n, A-y's adversaries, purporting, that, in nor any man more solicitous to keep Mr consideration of the payment of a bond for A —y up in the false impressions he had six thousand pounds, which he, G-st —ey received, or in projecting methods to ruin had, as he pretended, laid out in Mr A —y's his protector, than he.. cause, and of an annuity of seven hundred. Among many other expedients for that pounds a-year, he was to procure for them purpose, a most malicious attempt'1as made from Mr A- y a deed ready executed, re- to lodge an information. against him, for linquishing all right and title to the A - a treasonable practices, with the secretary of estate and honours. Every thing being pre- state, notwithstanding the repeated proofs pared for the execution of this infernal'he had given of his loyalty,; and, as a prescheme, unknown to Mr A-y, G-st-ey paratory step to his accusation, a letter, then thought proper to send for him to town which this traitor dictated, was copied by from his retirement, in order, as he pretended, another person, and actually sent to tne earl to execute a security of' twenty-five thousand of C -d, importing, that the person who pounds. copied the letter had an affair, of. conse"This intended victim to that villain's quence to communicate to his lordshiip, if avarice no sooner arrived in town, full of he would appoint a-time of receiving the hopes of money to carry on his cause, and information. But that person,' upon full of agreeably surprising his friend and pro- conviction of the villain.y dof the scheme, tector Mr M - with so seasonable.and absolutely refused to proceed further in it, unexpected a reinforcement, than an unfore- so that his malice once more proved abortive, seen difficulty arose, concerning the pay- and before he had time to execute any other 29' 344 SMOLLETT'S SELECT WORKS. contrivance of the same nature, he was he had been long convinced of the truth imprisoned in this very jail for debt. conveyed in these lines of the celebrated "Here,' finding his creditors inexorable, Italian author: Li beneficii, che per la loro and himself destitute of all other resource, grandezza, non puonno esser guiderdonati, he made application to the very man whom con la scelerata moneta dell' ingratitudini, he had injured in such an outrageous manner, sono pagati. set forth his deplorable case in the most "The story which you have related of that pathetic'terms, and entreated-him, With the young' gentleman," said he, "bears a very most abject humility, to use his influence'in strong resemblance'to the fate' of a Spanish his behalf. The'' distress of this varlet imme'- nobleman; as it was communicated to me by diately disarmed M — of his resentmeiint,'one of'his own intimate friends at Paris. and even excited his compassion.'Without The countess de Alvarez died immediately sending:any answer.to his. rernonstrances, after the birth of a son, and the'husband he interceded: -for him with his creditors; Isurviving her but three years, the child was and tihe person' to whom" he was' chiefly left sole heir to the honours and estate, under indebted, refusing to release him without the' guardianship of his'uncle, who hdd a security, this unwearied benefactor joined'small fortune and'a great tmany children, with the'prisoner in a bond'for above two This inhuman relation, coveting the wealth hundred and' forty pounds, for which he of. his infant ward, formed a design against obtained his'release. the life of the helpless orphan, and'trusted " He was no sooner discharged, however, the execution of it, to his valet-de-chambre, than he entered into fresh combinations with who' was tempted to undertake the; murder G-st-'ey and'others in order to thwart his by the promise of a considerable reward. deliverer in his schemes of raising money, He accordingly stabbed the boy with a knife and otherwise to distress and deprive him of in three different places, on the right side of liberty; for which purpose. no art or industry the neck; -but, as he was not'used to such (perjury, not excepted) hath been spared. barbarous attempts, his hand failed in'the And, what is still more extraordinary, this performance; and he was seized with such perfidious monster having found money'to remorse, that, perceiving the wounds were take up the bond, in consequence.of which not mortal,' he carried the hapless victim' to le regained his freedom, hath procured a the house of a surgeon, by whose care they writ against M-, upon that very obliga- were healed; and, in the mean time, that he tion, and-taken assignments'of some other might not forfeit his recompense, found debts of that gentleman, with' the same means to persuade his employer, that his'christian intention. But'hitherto he hath, orders were performed. A' bundle being with surprising sagacity and unshaken reso- made up for the purpose, was publicly inlution, baffled all their infernal contrivances, terred as the body of the child, who was said and retorted some of their machinations on to have been suddenly' carried off by a contheir own heads. At this time, when he is vulsion; and the uncle, without opposition, siupposed by some, and represented by others, succeeded to his honours and estate.'The as under the circumstances of'oblivion and boy being cured of his hurts, was, about'the despondenee, he proceeds in his design with' age of'six, delivered, with a small sum of the utmost calmness and intrepidity, meditat- mioney, to a merchant just embarking for'ing schemes, and' ripening measures, that'Turkey; who was given to understand that will' one day confound his enemies, and he was the bastard of' a man of quality;-and attract the notice and admiration of man-'that, for. family reasons, it was necessary to kind."' conceal his birth. Peregrine having thanked the priest for "While the unfortunate orphan remained his obliging information, expressed'his sur- in this' deplorable state of bondage, all the prise'at[ the scandalous inattentibon of the children of'the usurper died' one'after an. world'to an affair of such importance;'b- other; and he himself being taken danger. serving, that, by su ch'inhuman.neglect, this ously ill, attributed all his afflictions to, the unfortunate'young'gentleman, Mr A y, just judgment of God, and communicated was absolutely deprived of all the'benefit'of his anxiety on that subject to the valet-desociety; the sole end of which' is,. to protect chambre, who had' been employed'in the the rights, redress the' grievances, and' pro- murder of his nephew. That domestic, in mote the happiness'f individuals.'' As.for order to quiet his master's conscience, an d the character of M, he'said,'it was so calm the perturbation of his spirits, confessed romantically singular in all its circumstances, what he had done, and gave him hopes of that, though other motives were. wanting, still finding the boy'by dint of industry'and curiosity alone would' induce himr t;o s'eek his'expense. The unhappy child being the' only acquaintance:'but he. did not at all wonder hope of the family of Alvarez,. the uncle at the ungrateful returns which had been immediately ordered a minute inquiry to'be made to his generosity by H —n and'many set on foot; in consequence of which'he was others, whom he had served in a manner that informed, that the orphan had been sold to'a fesw, besides himself, would have done'; for Turk who had afterwards transferred him to ADVENTURES OF PEREGRINE PICKLE. 345 an English merchant, by whom he was con- d'Alvarez, grandee of Spain, and explained veyed to London. the whole mystery of his fortune. "An express was immediately dispatched "If he was agreeably amazed at this exto this capital, where he understood that the planation, the case was otherwise with his unhappy exile had, in consideration of his wife, who thought herself in great danger of faithfu1 services, been bound apprentice to being abandoned by a husband of such high a French barber-surgeon; and, after he had rank; but he immediately dispelled her sufficiently qualified himself in that profess- apprehension, by assuring her, that, as she ion, been received into the family of the had shared in his adversity, she should always Count de Gallas, at that time the emperor's partake of his;good fortune. He set out ambassador at the court of London. From immediately for Vienna, to make his acknowthe house of this nobleman he was traced ledgements to the emperor, who favoured'him into the service of count d'Oberstorf, where with a very gracious reception, promised to he had married his lady's chambermaid, and use his influence so that he might enjoy the then gone to settle as a surgeon in Bohemia. honours and estate of his family, and in the "In the course of these inquiries several mean time acknowledged himself his debtor years elapsed; his uncle, who was very for four hundred thousand florins, which he much attached to the house of Austria, had borrowed from his uncle. He threw lived at Barcelona, when the father of the himself at the feet of his august protector, empress queen resided in that city, and lent expressed the niost grateful sense of his him a very considerable sum of money in goodness, and begged he might be permitted the most pressing emergency of his affairs; to settle in some of his imperial majesty's and when that prince was on the point of dominions. returning to Germany, the old count, finding "This request was immediately granted; his end approaching, sent his father con- he was allowed to purchase land in any part fessor to his majesty, with a circumstantial of the hereditary dominions of the house of account of the barbarity he had practised Austria, to the amount of the sum I have against his nephew, for which he implored mentioned; and made choice of'the country forgiveness, and begged he would give orders, of Ratibor, in Silesia, where, in all probathat the orphan, when found, should inherit bility, he still resides." the'dignities and fortune which he had un- Peregrine had scarce finished the narrative, justly usurped. when he perceived Mr M- slip something "His majesty assured the old man, that he into the hand of the young man with whom might make himself easy on that score, and he had been conversing at the other end of ordered the confessor to follow him to Vienna, the room, and rise up from the table in order immediately after the count's death, in order to take his leave. He at once understood to assist his endeavours in finding out the the meaning of this conveyance, and longed injured heir. The priest did not fail to yield for an opportunity to be acquainted with obedience to this command; he informed such a rare instance of primitive benehimself of certain natural marks on the volence;-but the consciousness of his present young count's body, which were known to situation hindered him from making any the nurse and women who attended him in advance that might be construed'into -forh'is infancy: and, with a gentleman whom wardness or presumption. the emperor ordered to accompany him, set out for Bohemia, where he soon found the object of his inquiry, in the capacity of major CHAPTER XCIX. domo to a nobleman of that country, he having quitted his profession of surgery for He is surprised with the appearance of that office. Hatchway and Pipes, who take up their "He was not a little surprised when he habitation in his neighbourhood, contrary found himself circumstantially catechised to his inclination and express desire. about the particulars of his life, by persons commissioned for that purpose by the em- BEING now regularly initiated in the mysteperor. He told them that he was absolutely ries of the Fleet, and reconciled in some ignorant of his own birth, though he had measure to the customs of the place, he been informed during his residence in Tur- began to bear the edge of reflection without key, that'he was the bastard of a Spanish wincing; and thinking it would be highly grandee, and gave them a minute detail of imprudent in him to defer any longer the the pilgrimage he had undergone. This purposes by which only he could enjoy any information agreeing with the intelligence ease and satisfaction in his confinement, he which the priest had already received, and resolved to resume his task of translating, being corroborated by the marks upon his and every week compose an occasional paper, body, and the very scars of the wounds by way of revenge upon the minister, against which had been inflicted upon him in his whom he had denounced eternal war. With infancy, the confessor, without further hesita- this view, he locked himself -up in his tion, saluted him by the name of Count chamber, and went to work with great 2T 346 SMOLLETT'S SELECT WORKS. eagerness and application; when he was acknowledgement suitable to the occasion. interrupted by a ticket-porter, who, putting He told him, it would be time enough to a letter into his hand, vanished in a moment, make use of his generosity, when he should before he had time to peruse the contents. find himself destitute of all other resource. w Our hero, opening the billet, was ndt a Jack employed all his rhetoric, with a view little surprised to find a bank note for fifty of persuading him to take this opportunity pounds, inclosed in a blank sheet of paper; to procure lhis own enlargement; and finding and having exercised his memory and pene- his arguments ineffectual, insisted upon his tration on the subject of this unexpected accepting an immediate supply for his neceswindfall, had just concluded, that it could sary occasions; swearing, with great vehecome from no other hand than the lady who mnence, that he would never return to the had so kindly visited him a few days before, garrison, unless he would put him upon, the when his ears were suddenly invaded by the footing of any other tenant, and receive his well-known sound of that whistle which rent accordingly. always hung about the neck of Pipes, aes a Our young:gentleman as positively swore, memorial of his former occupation. This that he never:would consider him in that tune being performed, he heard the noise of light; remonstrating; that he had long ago a wooden leg ascending the stair; upon settled the house upon him for life, as- a which he opened his'door, and beheld his pledge of his own esteem, as well as in confriend Hatchway, with his old shipmate at f:ormity with tlie commodore's desire:.and his back. beseeching him to return to his usual avocaAfter a cordial shake of the hand, with the tions, protested, that, if' ever his situation usual salutation of-" What cheer, cousin should subject him to tlhe necessity of borPickle'"honest Jack seated himself without rowing firom his friends, Mr Hatchway should ceremony; and casting his eyes around the be the first man to whom he would apply for apartment,-" Split my topstay-sail," said succour. To convince him that this was not he, with an'arch sneer, "you have got into the case at present, he produced the bank a snug birth, cousin. Here you may sit all note which he: h-adl received in the letter, weathers, without being'turned out to take together with his own ready money.j and your watch, and no fear of the ship's drag- mentioned:some other funds, which -he inging her anchor. Youha'nt much room to vented extempore, in order to amuse the spare,'tis true; an' I'had known as how you lieutenant's concern. In the close of this stowed so'close, Tom should have slung my expostulation, he desired Pipes to conduct own hammock for you, and then you mought Mr Hatchway to the coffeehouse, where he have knocked down this gre'at lubberly hurri- might amuse himself with the newspapers cane-house. But,' mayhap, you turn in for half an h'our; during which he would put double, and so you'don't choose to trust on his clothes, and bespeak something for YourSelf and your'doxy to a' clew and dinner, that they might enjoy each other's canvass." company as' long as his occasions would Pickle bore his jokes with great good permit him to stay in that place. humour, rallied him' in his turn about the The two sailors were no sooner gone, than dairy-maid:at the garrison, inquired about he took up the pen, and wrote the following his friends in the country, asked if he'had letter, in which he inclosed the bank note, been to visit his niece, and, finally, expressed to his generous benefactress. a desire of knowing the cause of his journey "McADAM —Your human'ity is.not more to London.l The lieutenant satisfied his ingenious than my suspicion. In vain you curiosity in all these particulars; and, in attempt to impose upon me by an act of answer to thie last question, observed, that, generosity, which no person upon earth but from'the information of Pipes, trnderstanding your ladyship is capable of committing. he was land-locked, he had come from the Though your name was not subscribed on country in order to tow him into the offing: the'paper, your sentiments were fully dis"I know not how the wind sits," said he, played in the contents, which I must beg''but if so be as three thousand pounds will leave to restore, with the same sense of bring you'clear of the cape, say the word, gratitude, and for the same reasons, I exand you sha'n't lie wind-bound another glass pressed when last I had the honour to confor want of the money." verse with you upon this subject. Though I This was an offer which few people in am deprived of my liberty by the villainy and our hero's situation would: have altogether ingratitude of mankind, I am not yet destitute refused, especially as he had all the reason of the other conveniences of life:; and therein the world to believe, that, far from being a fore beg to be excused from incurring an vain unmeaning compliment, it was the unnecessary addition to that load of obligagenuine tribute of friendship, which the tion you have already laid upon, Madam, lieutenant would have willingly, aye and with your ladyship's most devoted humble servant, pleasure, paid.'Nevertheless, Peregrine PEREGRINE PICKLE." peremptorily refused his assistance, though Having dressed himself, and repaired to not without expressing himself in terms of the Place of appointment, he dispatched this ADVENTURES OF PEREGRINE PICKLE. 347 epistle by the hands of Pipes, who was or- forts of a prison, was inclined to keep him dered to leave it at her ladyship's house, with- company, till such time as his affairs could out staying for an answer; and, in the mean be put in order. This measure he the more time, gave directions for dinner, which he anxiously desired to take,:because the prisand his friend Hatchway ate very cheerfully oner was sometimes subject to a: disordered in his own apartment, after he had entertain- imagination, upon which occasion he stood-in ed him with a sight of all the curiosities in need of extraordinary attendance; and-therethe place. Duringtheirrepast, Jack repeat- fore he, -the lieutenant, entreatedthe wared his kind offers to our adventurer, who den to accommodate hitn with a lodging for declined them with his former obstinacy, and himself and his servant, for which he was begged he might be no more importuned on ready to make any reasonable acknowledgethat subject: but, if he insisted upon giving ment. The warden, who was a sensible and some fresh proofs of his friendship, he might humane man, could not help applauding his have an opportunity of exhibiting it in taking resolution; and several rooms being at that Pipes under his care and protection: fbr time unoccupied, he put him immediately in nothing affected him so much as his inability possession of a couple, which were fforthwith to provide for such a faithful adherent. prepared for his reception. The lieutenant desired he would give him- This affair being settled to his satisfaction, selfnotrouble upon that score; hebeing, of his he dispatched Pipes for his portmanteau:; own accord, perfectly well disposed to be- and, returning to the coffeehouse, found Perefriend his old ship-mate, who should never grine, with whom he spent the remaining want while he had a shilling to spare. But part of the evening. Our hero, taking it for he began to drop some hints of an intention granted that he proposed to set out fob the to fix his quarters in the Fleet, observing, garrison next day, wrote a memorandum of that tne air seemed to be very good in that some books which he had left in that habitaplace, and that he was tired of living in the tion, and which he now desired Jack to send country. What he said did not amount to up to town by the wagon, directed for Mr a plain declaration, and therefore Peregrine Crabtree. He cautioned him against giving did not answer it as such, though he per- the least hint of his misfortune in the neighceived his drift; and took an opportunity of bourhood, that it might remain -as long as describing the inconveniences of the place possible concealed from the knowledge of his in such a manner as, he hoped, would deter sister, who, he knew, would afflict herself him from putting such an extravagant plan immoderately at the news, nor reach the in execution. ears of the rest of his family, who would exult This expedient, however, far from answer- and triumph over: his distress. ing the end proposed, had quite a contrary Hatchway listened to his injunctions with effect, and furnished Hatchway with an argu- great attention, and promised to demean himment against his own unwillingness to quit self accordingly: then the discourse shifted such a disagreeable place. In all probability, to an agreeable. recapitulation of the merry Jack would have been more explicit with re- scenes they had formerly acted togethers: gard to the scheme he had proposed, if the and -the evening being pretty far advanced, conversation had not been interrupted by the Peregrine, with seeming reluctance, told him arrival of Cadwallader, who never failed in that the gates of the Fleet would in a,, few the performance of his diurnal visit. Hatch- minutes. be shut for the night, and that there way, conjecturing that this stranger might was an absolute necessity for his withdrawhave some private business with his'friend, ing to his lodging. Jack replied, tliat- he quitted the apartment, on pretence of taking could not think of parting with: him sd soon, a turn: and meeting Pipes at the door, desir- after such a long separation; and that he was ed his company to the Bare, by which na-me determined to stay with him an hour -or- two the open space is distinguished; where, longer, if he should be obliged to take up his during a course of perambulation, these two lodging in the streets. Pickle, rather than companions held a council upon Pickle; in disoblige his guest, indulged him in his desire, consequence of which it was determined, and resolved to give him a share of his own since he obstinately persisted to refuse their bed. A pair of chickens and asparagus were assistance, that they should take lodgings in bespoke for supper, at which Pipes attended his neighbourhood, with a view of being at with an air of internal satisfaction; and the hand to minister unto his occasions, in spite bottle was bandied about in a jovial manner of his false delicacy, according to the emner- till midnight, when the lieutenant rose up. to gency of his affairs. take his leave, observing, that, being fatigued T'his resolution beingtaken, they consulted with riding, he was inclined to turn in. the bar-keeper of the coffeehouse about. lodg- Pipes, upon this intimation, produced a'lani'ng, -and she directed them to the warden; tern ready lighted; and Jack, shaking his to whom the lieutenant, in his great wisdom, entertainer by the hand, wished him a good represented himself as a kinsman to Pere- night, and promised to visit him again betimes grine, who, rather than leave. that young gen- in the morning. tleman by himself, to the unavoidable discom- Peregrine, imagining that his -behaqiour 348 SSMOLLEITT'S SELECT WORKS. proceeded from the wine, which he had plen- proposed, that he should go to the coffeehouse tifully drank, told him, that, if he was dis- and kitchen, and give the people to underposed to sleep, his bed was. ready prepared stand that he would pay for all such liquor in the room, and ordered his-attendant to un- and provisions as Mr Pickle should order to dress his master; upon which Mr Hatchway be sent to his own lodging. This expedient gave him to understand, that he had no occa- was immediately practised; and as there sion to incommode his friend, having already was no credit in the place, Hatchway deprovided a lodging for himself; and the posited a sum of money, by way of security young gentleman demanding an explanation, to the cook and the vintner, intimating, that he frankly owned what he had done, saying, there was a necessity for taking that method -" You gave me such a dismal account of of befriending his cousin Peregrine, who was the place, that I could not think of leaving subject to strange whims, that rendered it you in it without company." Our young impossible to serve him in any other way. gentleman, who was naturally impatient of In consequence of these insinuations, it benefits, and foresaw that this uncommon was that same day rumoured about the Fleet instance of Hatchway's friendship would en- that Mr Pickle was an unhappy gentleman croach upon the plan which he had formed disordered in his understanding, and that the.for his own subsistence, by engrossing his lieutenant was his near relation, who had time and attention, so as that he should not be subjected himself to the inconvenience of able to prosecute his labours, closeted the living in a jail, with the sole view of keeping lieutenant next day, and demonstrated to a strict eye over his conduct. This report, him the folly and ill consequences of the step however, did not reach the ears of our hero he had taken. He observed, that the world till the next day, when he sent one of the in general would look upon -it as the effect runners of the Fleet, who attended him, to of mere madness; and, if his relations were bespeak and pay for a couple of pullets, and so disposed, they might make it the founda- something else for dinner, to which he had tion for a statute of lunacy against him; that already invited his friend Hatchway, in hope his absence from the garrison must be a very of being able to persuade, him to retire into great detriment to his private affairs; and, the country, after he had undergone a whole lastly, that his presence in the Fleet would day's mortification in the place. The messbe a very great hindrance to Pickle himself, enger returned with an assurance that the whose hope of regaining his liberty altogether dinner should be made ready according to depended upon his being detached from all his directions, and restored the money, obcompany and interruption. serving, that his kinsman had paid for what To these remonstrances Jack replied, that, was bespoke. as to the opinion of the world, it was no more Peregrine was equally surprised and disto him than a rotten netline; and if his rela- gusted at this information, and resolved to tions had a mind to have his upper works chide the lieutenant severely for his unseacondemned, he did not doubt but he should sonable treat, which he considered as a thing be able to stand the survey, without being repugnant to his reputation. Meanwhile he declared unfit for service; that he had no dispatched his attendantfor wine to the cofaffairs at the garrison, but such as would feehouse, and finding his credit bolstered up keep cold; and with regard to Pickle's being in that place by the same means, was enraginterrupted by his presence, he gave him his ed at the presumption of Jack's friendship. word, that he would never come alongside of He questioned the valet about it with such him, except when he should give him the manifestation of displeasure, that the fellow, signal for holding discourse. In conclusion, afraid of disobliging such a good master, he signified the resolution to stay where he frankly communicated the story which was was, at all events, without making himself circulated at his expense. The young genaccountable to any person whatsoever. tleman was so much incensed at this piece Peregrine seeing him determined, desisted of intelligence, that he wrote a bitter exposfrom any farther importunity; resolving, tulation to the lieutenant, wherein he not only however, to tire him out of his plan by re- retracted his invitation, but declared that he serve and supercilious neglect; for he could would never converse with him while he not bear the thought of being so notoriously should remain within the place. obliged by any person upon earth. With Having thus obeyed the dictates of his this view he quitted the lieutenant, upon anger, he gave notice to the cook, that he some slight pretence; after having told him, should not have occasion for what was orderthat he could not have the pleasure of his ed. Repairing to the coffeehouse, he told the,company at dinner, because he was engaged landlord, that whereas he understood the with a particular club of his fellow-prison- stranger with the wooden leg had prepos. ers. sessed him and others with ridiculous notions, Jack was a stranger to the punctilios of tending to bring the sanity of his intellects behaviour, and therefore did not take this de- in question, and, to confirm this imputation, claration amiss; but had immediate recourse had, under the, pretence of consanguinity, to the advice of his counsellor Mr Pipes, who undertaken to defray his expenses; he could ADVENTURES OF PEREGRINE PICKLE. 349 not help, in justice to himself, declaring, that dark, and even before they had intelligence the same person was, in reality, the madman, of his retreat. But, next day, they kept who had given his keepers the slip; that, themselves upon the watch till he appeared, therefore, he (the landlord) would not find and Pipes lifting his hat, as Crabtree passed, his account in complying with his orders, and — " O damn ye, old dunny," said he, " you encouraging him to frequent his house; and and I must grapple by and by; and a-gad I that, for his own part, lie would never enter shall lie so near your quarter, that your ear the door, or favour him with the least trifle ports will let in the sound, tho'f they are of his custom, if ever he should for the future double caulked with oakum." find himself anticipated in his payments by The misanthrope's ears were not quite so that unhappy lunatic. fast closed, but that they received this intiThe vintner wasconfounded at this retorted mation; which, though delivered in terms charge; and, after much perplexity and de- that he did not well understand, had such an liberation, concluded, that both parties were effect upon his apprehension, that he signifidistracted; the stranger in paying a man's ed his doubts to Peregrine, observing, that he debts against his will, and Pickle, in being did not much like the looks of that same ru-t offended at such forwardness of friendship. fian with the wooden leg. Pickle assured him he had nothing to fear from the two sailors, who could have no cause of resentment CHAPTER C. against him; or, if they had, would not venture to take any step, which they knew must These associates commit an assault upon block up all the avenues to that reconcileCrabtree, for which they are banished ment about which they were so anxious; firom the Fleet-Peregrine begins to feel and, moreover, give such offence to the govthe qffects of confinement. ernor of the place as would infallibly induce him to expel them both from his territories. Our adventurer having dined at an ordina- Notwithstanding this assurance, the young ry, and in the afternoon retired to his own gentleman was not so confident of the lieuapartment, as usual, with his friend Cadwal- tenant's discretion, as to believe that.Crablader, Hatchway and his associate, after they tree's fears were altogether without foundahad been obliged to discuss the provision for tion; he forthwith conjectured that Jack had which they had paid; renewed their confer- taken umbrage at an intimacy from which he ence upon the old subject. Pipes giving his found himself excluded, and imputed his dismessmate to understand, that Peregrine's grace to the insinuations of Cadwallader, chief confidant was the old deaf bachelor, whom, in all likelihood, he intended to punwhom he had seen at his lodging the preced- ish for his supposed advice. He knew his ing day, Mr Hatchway, in his great penetra- friend could sustain no great? damage from tion, discovered that the young gentleman's the lieutenant's resentment, in a place which obstinacy proceeded from the advice of the he could immediately alarm with his cries, misanthrope, whom, for that reason, it was and therefore wished he might fall into the their business to chastise. Pipes entered snare, because it would furnish him with a into this opinion the more willingly, as he pretence of complaint; in consequence of had all along believed the senior to be a which, the sailors would be obliged to shift sort of wizard, or some caco-demon, whom their quarters, so as that he should be rid of it was not very creditable to be acquainted their company, in which he at present could with. Indeed, he had been inspired with find no enjoyment. this notion by the insinuations of Hadgi, who Every thing happened as he had foreseen; had formerly dropped some hints touching the misanthrope, in his retreat from PereCrabtree's profound knowledge in the magic grine's chamber, was assaulted by lHatchway art; mentioning, in particular, his being and his associate, who seized him bythe colpossessed of the philosopher's stone; an lar without ceremony, and began to drag him assertion to which Tom had given implicit towards the pump, at which they would have credit, until his master was sent to prison for certainly complimented him with a very disdebt, when he could no longer suppose Cad- agreeable bath, had not he exalted his voice wallader lord of such a valuable secret, or in such a manner, as in a moment brought a else he would certainly have procured the number of the inhabitants, and Pickle himself, enlargement of his most intimate friend. to his aid. The assailants would have per. With these sentiments, he espoused the sisted intheir design, had the opposition been resentment of Hatchway. They determined such as they could have faced with any possito seize the supposed conjuror, with the first bility of success: nor did they quit their prey, opportunity, on his return from his visit to before a dozen, at least, had come to his resPeregrine, and, without hesitation, exercise cue, and Peregrine, with a menacing aspect upon him the discipline of the pump. This and air of authority, commanded his old valet plan they would have executed that same to' withdraw; then they thought proper to evening, had not the misanthrope luckily sheer off, and betake themselves to close withdrawn himself by accident, before it was quarters while our hero accompanied the 350 SMOLLETT'S SELECT WORKS. affrighted Cadwallader to the gate, and exhib- thus unprovided against, slily bestowed upon ited to the warden a formal complaint against him a peg under the fifth rib, that in an inthe rioters, upon whom he retorted the charge stant laid him senseless on the pavement, of lunacy, which was supported by the evi- at the feet of his conqueror. Pipes was condence of' twenty persons, who had been eye- gratulated upon his victory, not only by his witnesses of the outrage committed against friend Hatchway, but also by all the bythe old gentleman. standers, particularly the priest who had esThe governor, in consequence of this infor- poused his cause, and now invited the stranmation, sent a message to Mr Hatchway, gers to his lodging in a neighbouringc alewarning him to move his lodgings next day, house, where they were entertained so much on pain of being expelled. The lieutenant to their liking, that they determlined to seek contumaciously refusing to comply with this no other habitation while they should continue intimation, was in the morning, while he in town; and, notwithstanding the disgrace amused himself in walking upon the Bare, and discouragement they had met with, in suddenly surrounded bythe constables of the their endeavours to serve our adventurer, court, who took him and his adherent pris- they were still resolved to persevere in their oners, before they were aware, and deliver- good offices, or, in the vulgar phrase, to see ed them into the hands of the turnkeys, by him out. whom they were immediately dismissed, While they settled themselves in this manand their baggage conveyed to the side of ner, and acquired familiar connexions round the ditch. all the purlieus of the ditch, Peregrine found This expulsion was not performed without himself deprived of the company of Cadwalan obstinate opposition on the part of the de- lader, who signified by letter, that he did not linquents, who, had they not been surprised, choose to hazard his person again in visiting would have set the whole Fleet at defiance, him, while such assassins occupied the aveand, in all probability, would have acted di- nues through which he must pass; for he vers tragedies, before they could have been had been at pains to inquire into the motions overpowered. Things being circumstanced of the seamen, and informed himself exactly as they were, the lieutenant did not part of the harbour in which they were moored. with his conductor, without tweaking his Our hero had been so much accustomed to nose, by way of farewell; and Pipes, in imi- the conversation of Crabtree, which was altation of such a laudable example, communi- together suitable to the singularity of his own cated a token of remembrance, in an applica- disposition, that he could very ill afford to be tion to the sole eye of his attendant, who, debarred of it at this juncture, when almost scorning to be outdone in this kind of cour- every other source of enjoyment was stopped. tesy, returned the compliment with such He was, however, obliged to submit to the good will, that Tom's organ performed the hardships of his situation; and as the char, office of a multiplying glass. These were acters of his fellow-prisoners did not at all mutual hints for stripping; and accordingly improve upon him, he was compelled to seek each was naked from the waist upwards in a for satisfaction within himself. Not butthat trice. A ring of butchers from the market he had an opportunity of conversing with was immediately formed; a couple of the some people who neither wanted sense, nor reverend flamens, who, in morning gowns, were deficient in point of principle; yet there ply for marriages in that quarter of the town, appeared in the behaviour of them all, withconstituted themselves seconds and umpires out exception, a certain want of decorum, a of the approaching contest, and the battle squalor of sentiment, a sort of jailish cast began without further preparation. The contracted in the course of confinement, combatants were, in point of strength and which disgusted the delicacy of our hero's agility, pretty equally matched; but the jailor observation. He therefore detached himself had been regularly trained to the art of as much as he could, without giving offence bruizing: he had more than once signalized to those among whom he was obliged to live, himself in public, by his prowess and skill in and resumed his labours with incredible eathis exercise: and lost one eye upon the stage gerness and perseverance, his spirits being in the course of his exploits. This was a supported by the success of some severe misfortune of which Pipes did not fail to take philippics, which he occasionally published the advantage; he had already sustained against the author of his misfortune. several hard knocks upon his temples and Nor was his humanity unemployed in the iaws, and found it impracticable to smite his vacations of his revenge. A man must be antagonist upon the victualling office, so dex- void of all sympathy and compassion who can terously was it defended against assault. reside among so many miserable objects, Hle then changed his battery, and being ambi- without feeling an inclination to relieve their dexter, raised such a clatter upon the turn- distress. Every day almost presented to his key's blind side, that this hero, believing-him view such lamentable scenes as were most left-handed, converted his attention that way, likely to attract his notice and engage his and opposed the unenlightened side of his benevolence. Reverses of fortune, attended face to the right hand of Pipes, which being with the most deplorable circumstances ot ADVENTURES OF PEREGRINE PICKLE. 35. domestic woe, were continually intruding living like his fellow-sufferers, in the most upon his acquaintance; his ears were invaded abject degree of dependence. If he refused with the cries of the hapless wife, who, from to accept of favours from his own allies and the enjoyment of affluence and pleasure, was intimate friends, whom he had formerly forced to follow her husband to this abode of obliged, it is not to be supposed, that he wretchedness and want; his eyes were every would listen to proposals of that kind from minute assailed with the naked and meagre any of his fellow-prisoners, with whom he appearances of hunger and cold; and his had contracted acquaintance; he was even fancy teemed with a thousand aggravations more cautious than ever of incurring obligaof their misery. tions; he now shunned his former messThus situated, his purse was never shut mates, in order to avoid disagreeable tenders while his heart remained open. Without of friendship. Imagining that he perceived reflecting upon the slenderness of his store, an inclination in the clergyman to learn the he exercised his charity to all the children state of his finances, he discouraged and of distress, and acquired a popularity, which, declined the explanation, and at length though pleasing, was far from being profit- secluded himself from all society. able. In short, his bounty kept no pace with his circumstances, and in a little time he was utterly exhausted. He had recourse to his CHAPTER CI. bookseller, from whom, with great difficulty, he obtained a small reinforcement, and im- He receives an unexpected visit; and the mediately relapsed into the same want of clouds of misfortune begin to separate. retention. He was conscious of his infirmity, and found it incurable: he foresaw WHILE he pined in this forlorn condition, that by his own industry he should never be with an equal abhorrence of the world and able to defray the expense of these occa- himself, Captain Gaunllet arrived in town in sions; and this reflection sunk deep into his order to employ his interest for promotion in mind. The approbation of the public, which the army; and, in consequence of his wife's he had earned or might acquire, like a cordial particular desire, made it his business to often repeated, began to lose its effect upon inquire for Peregrine, to whom he longed to his imaginationr; his health suffered by his be reconciled, even though at the expense of sedentary life and austere application; his a slight submission. But. he could hear no eyesight failed, his appetite forsook him, his tidingfs of him, at the place to which he was spirits decayed; so that he became me- directed; and, on the supposition that our lancholy, listless, and altogether incapable hero had gone to reside in the. country, of prosecuting the only means he had left applied himself to his own business, with for his subsistence; and (what did not at all intention to renew his inquiries after that contribute to the alleviation of these par- affair should be transacted. He'communiticulars) he was given to understand by his cated his demands to his supposed patron, lawyer, that he had lost his cause, and was who had assumed the merit of making him a condemned in costs. Even this was not the captain, and been "gratified with a valuable most mortifying piece of intelligence he present on that consideration: and was received; he at the sanle time learned that cajoled with hopes, of succeeding in his his bookseller was bankrupt, and his friend present aim by the same interest. Crabtree at the point of death. Meanwhile, he became acquainted with ~ These were comfortable considerations to one of the clerks belonging to the war-office, a youth of Peregrine's disposition, which whose advice and assistance, he was told, was so capricious, that the more his'misery would be, a furtherance to his scheme. As increased, the more haughty and inflexible: he had occasion to discourse with this genhe became. Rather than be beholden to tleman upon the circumstances of his expect Hatchway, who still hovered about the gate, tation, he learned that the nobleman, upon eager for an opportunity to assist him, he whom he depended, was a person of no chose to undergo the want of almost every consequence in the state, and altogether inconvenience of life, and actually pledged his capable of assisting him in his advancement. wearing apparel to an Irish pawnbroker in At the same time his counsellor expressed the Fleet, for money to purchase those his surprise that Captain Gauntlet did not things, without which he must have abso- rather interest in his cause the noble peer to lutely perished. He was gradually irritated whose good offices he owed' his last comby his misfortunes into a rancorous resent- mission. ment against mankind in general, and his This remark introduced an explanation, heart so alienated from the enjoyments of by which Godfrey discovered, to his infinite life, that he did not care how soon he astonishment, the mistake in which he had quitted his miserable existence. Though he continued so long with regard to his patron; had shocking examples of the vicissitudes though he could not divine the motive which of fortune. continually before his eyes, he induced a nobleman, with whom he had no could never be reconciled to the idea of acquaintance or connexion, to interpose his 30 352 SMOLLETT'S SELECT WORKS. influence in his behalf. Whatsoever that many a consort in my time, that is, in the might be, he thought it was his duty to make way of,good fellowship, and I always made his acknowledgement; and for that purpose a shift to ware'em at one time or another, but went next morning to his house, where he this headstrong toad will neither obey the was politely received, and given to under- helm nor the sheet; and, for aught I know, stand that Mr Pickle was the person to will founder where a lies at anchor." whose friendship he was indebted for his last Gauntlet, who conceived part of his meanpromotion. ing, alighted immediately; and being con-, Inexpressible were the transports of grati- ducted to the sailor's lodging, was informed tude, affection, and remorse, that took pos- of every thing that had passed between the session of the soul of Gauntlet, when this lieutenant and Pickle. He, in his turn, commystery was unfolded.-" Good heaven!" municated to Jack the discovery which he cried he, lifting up his hands, "have I lived had made, with regard to his commission: at so long in a state of animosity with my which the other gave no signs of surprise; benefactor I intended to have reconciled but, taking the pipe from his mouth,myself at any rate before I was sensible of "Why, look ye, captain," said he, "that's this obligation, but now I shall not enjoy a not the only good turn you have owed him. moment's quiet until I have an opportunity That same money you received from the of expressing to him my sense of his heroic commodore as an old debt, was all a sham, friendship. I presume, from the nature of contrived by Pickle for your service; but a the favour conferred upon him in my behalf, wool drive under his bare poles without sails that Mr Pickle is well known to your lord- and rigging, or a mess of provision on board, ship,..and I should think myself extremely rather than take the same assistance fiom happy if; you could inform me in what part another man." of the country he is to be found: for the Godfrey was not only amazed, but chagrined person with whom he lodged some time at the knowledge of this anecdote; which ago could give me no intelligence of his gave umbrage to his pride, while it stimulated motions." his desire of doino something in return for The nobleman, touched with this instance the obligation. He inquired into the present of generous self-denial in Peregrine, as well circumstances of the prisoner; and underas with the sensibility of his friend, lamented standing that he was indisposed, and but inthe unhappiness of our hero, while he gave differently provided with the common necesGauntlet to understand that he had been long saries of life, though still deaf to all offers of disordered in his intellects, in consequence assistance, began to be extremely concerned of having squandered away his fortune; and at the account of his savage obstinacy and that his, creditors had thrown him into the pride, which would, he feared, exclude him Fleet prison; but whether he still continued from the privilege of relieving him in his in that confinement, or was released from his distress. However, he resolved to leave no misfortunes by death, his lordship did not expedient untried, that might have any know, because he had never inquired. tendency to surmount such destructive preGodfreyno sooner received this intimation, judice; and entering the jail, was directed to than, his blood boiling with grief and im- the apartment of the wretched prisoner. IIe patience, he craved pardon for his abrupt knocked softly at the door, and when it was departure; then quitting his informer on the opened, started back with horror and astonishinstant, reimbarked in his hackney-coach, ment; the figure that presented itself to his and ordered himself to be conveyed directly view was the remains of' his once happy to the Fleet. As the vehicle proceeded friend; but so miserably altered and disalong one side of the market, he was sur- guised, that his features were scarce cognisprised with the appearance of Hatchway and able. The florid, the sprightly, the gay, the Pipes, who stood cheapening cauliflowers at elevated youth, was now metamorphosed into a green-stall, their heads being cased in a wan, dejected, meagre, squalid spectre; worsted nightcaps, half covered with their the hollow-eyed representative of distemper, hats, and a short tobacco-pipe in the mouth indigence, and despair: yet his eyes retained of each. He was rejoiced at sight of the a certain ferocity, which threw a dismal two seamen, which he took for a happy gleam athwart the cloudiness of his aspect, omen of finding his friend; and, ordering the and he, in silence, viewed his old companion coachman to stop the carriage, called' to th'e with a look betokening confusion and dislieutenant by his name. Jack, replying with dain. As for Gauntlet, he could not, withan holloa, looked behind him, and recognis- out emotion, behold such a woful reverse of ing. the face of his old acquaintance, ran up fate, in a person for whom he entertained the to the coach with great eagerness. Shaking noblest sentiments of friendship, gratitude, the captain heartily by the' hand,-" Odds and esteem: his sorrow was at first too big heart!" said he, "I am glad thou hast fallen for utterance, and he shed a flood of tears in with us; we shall now be able to find the,before he could pronounce one word. trim of the'vessel, and lay her about on Peregrine, in spite of his misanthropy, dother tack. For my own part, I have had could not helo being affected with this un ADVENTURES OF PEREGRINE PICKLE. 353 common testimony of regard; but he strove no vestige of animosity, but considered him to stifle his sensations: his brows contracted in the light of an affectionate comrade, the themselves into a severe frown; his eyes ties of whose friendship adversity could not kindled into the appearance of live coals; he unbind. He mentioned Sophy in the most waved with his hand in signal for Godfrey to respectful terms; spoke of Emilia with the be gone, and leave such a wretch as him to most reverential awe, as the object of his the misery of his fate; and, finding nature inviolable love and veneration; but distoo strong to be suppressed, uttered a deep claimed all hope of ever more attracting her groan, and wept aloud. regard, and excused himself from profiting by The soldier seeing him thus melted, unable Godfrey's kind intention; declaring, with a to restrain the strong impulse of his affec- resolute air, that he had broken off all contion, sprung forwards, and clapsing him in nexion with mankind, and that he impatiently his arms, —" My dearest friend, and best longed for the hour of his dissolution, which, benefactor," said he, "I am come hither to if it should not soon arrive by the course of humble myself for the offence I was so un- nature, he was resolved to hasten with his happy as to give at our last parting; to beg own hands, rather than be exposed to the a reconciliation, to thank you for the ease contempt, and more intolerable pity; of a and affluence I have enjoyed through your rascally world. means, and to rescue you, in spite of your- Gauntlet argued against this frantic deterself, from this melancholy situation, of mination with all the vehemence of exwhich, but an hour ago, I was utterly igno- postulating friendship; but his remonstrances rant. Do not deny me the satisfaction of did not produce the desired effect upon our acquitting myself in point of duty and obli- desperate hero, who calmly refuted all his gation. You must certainly have had some arguments, and asserted the rectitude of his regard for a person in whose flavour you design from the pretended maxims of reason have exerted yourself so much; and if any and true philosophy. part of that esteem remains, you will not While this dispute was carried on with refuse him an opportunity of approving him- eagerness on one side, and deliberation on self in some measure worthy of it. Let me the other, a letter was brought to Peregrine, not suffer the most mortifying of all repulses, who threwi it carelessly aside unopened, that of slighted friendship; but kindly sacri- though the superscription was in a handfice your resentment and inflexibility to the writing to which he was a stranger; and, ill request of one who is at all times ready to all probability, the contents would never sacrifice his life for your honour and advan- have been perused, had not Gauntlet insisted tage. If you will not yield to my entreaties, upon his waving all ceremony, and reading it have some regard to the wishes of my forthwith. Thus solicited, Pickle unsealed Sophy, who laid me under the strongest in- the billet, which, to his no small surprise, unctions to solicit your forgiveness, even contained the following intimation. before she knew how much I was indebted to " Mr P. PICKLE-Sir, this comes to inforll, your generosity; or, if that consideration you, that, after many dangers anddisappointshould be of no weight, I hope you will relax ments, I am, by the blessing of God, safely a little for the sake of poor Emilia, whose arrived in the Downs, on board of the Gomresentment hath been long subdued by her beroon Indiaman, having made a tolerable affection, and who now droops in secret at voyage; by which I hope I shall be enabled your neglect." to repay, with interest, the seven hundred Every word of this address, delivered in pounds which I borrowed of you before my the most pathetic manner, made an impress- departure from England. I take this oppor. ion upon the mind of Peregrine: he was tunity of writing by our purser, who goes affected with the submission of his friend, express with dispatches for the Company, who, in reality, had given him no just cause that you may have this satisfactory notice as to complain. He knew that no ordinary soon as possible, relating to one whom I motive had swayed him to a condescension suppose you have long given over as lost. so extraordinary in a man of his punctilious I have inclosed it in a letter to my broker, temper; he considered it, therefore, as the who, I hope, knows your address, and will genuine effect of eager gratitude and dis- forward it accordingly: and I am, with interested love, and his heart began to relent respect, Sir, your most humble servant, accordingly. When he heard himself con- "BENJAMIN CHINTZ." jured in the name of the gentle Sophy, his Ile had no sooner taken a cursory view oi obstinacy was quite overcome; and when this agreeable epistle, than his countenance Emilia was recalled to his remembrance, his cleared up, and, reaching it to his friend, whole frame underwent a violent agitation. with a smile,-" There," said he, "is a more He took his friend by the hand, with a convincing argument, on your side of the softened look; and, as soon as he recovered question, than all the casuists in the universe the faculty of speech, which had.been over- can advance."' Gauntlet, wondering at this powered in the conflict of passions that observation, took the paper, and casting his transported him, protested, that he retained eyes greedily upon the contents, congratulated 2 IU 3-.54 ~ SMOLLETT'S SELECT WORKS. him upon the receipt of it, with extravagant preference in this particular to Jack, who was demonstrations of joy:- "Not on account of immediately invited to a conference, by a the sum," said he, "which, upon my honour, note subscribed with Pickle's own hand. I would with pleasure pay three times over He was found at the prison gate waiting for for your convenience and satisfaction; but Gauntlet, to know the issue of his negotia. oecause it seems to have reconciled you to tion. lie no sooner received this summons, life, and disposed your mind for enjoying the than he set all his sails, and made the best comforts of society." of his way to his friend's apartment; being The instantaneous effect which this un- admitted by the turnkey, in consequence of expected smile of fortune produced in the Peregrine's request, communicated by the appearance of our adventurer is altogether messenger who carried the billet. Pipes inconceivable; it plumped up his: cheeks in followed —close in the wake of his ship-mate; a: moment, unbended and enlightened every and, in a few minutes after the note had been feature of his face; elevated his head, which dispatched, Peregrine and Gauntlet heard had begun to sink, as it were, between his the sound of the stump ascending the wooden shoulders; and from a squeaking dispirited stair-case with such velocity, that they at tone, swelled up his voice to a clear manly first mistook it for the application: of drumaccent. Godfiey, taking advantage of this sticks to the head of an empty barrel. This favourable change, began to regale him with uncommon speed, however, was attended prospects of future success: he reminded with a misfortune; he chanced to overlook a him of his youth and qualifications, which small defect in one of the steps, and his prop were certainly designed for better days than plunging into a hole, he fell backwards, to those he had as yet seen; he pointed out the imminent danger of his life. Tom was various paths by which he might arrive at luckily at his back, and sustained him in his wealth and reputation; he importuned him. arms, so as that he escaped without any to accept of a sum for his immediate occa- other daiage =than the loss of his wooden sions; and earnestly begged that he would leg, which was snapt in the middle, by the allow him to discharge the debt for which he weight of his body in falling; andsuch was was confined, observing, that Sophy's fortune his inmpatience, that he would not give himhad enabled him to exhibit that proof of his self the trouble to disengage the fractured gratitude, without any detriment to his member. Unbuckling the whole equipage in affairs; and protesting that he should not a trice, he left it sticking in the crevice, saybelieve himself in possession of Mr Pickle's ing, a rotten cable was not worth heaving esteem, unless he was permitted to make up; and, in this natural state of mutilation, some such return of good will to the man, hopped into the room with infinite expediwho had not only raised him from indigence tion. and scorn to competence and reputable rank, Peregrine, taking him cordially by the but also empowered him to obtain the pos- hand, seated him upon one side of his bed.; session of an excellent woman, who had filled and, after having made an apology for that up the measure of his felicity. reserve of which he had so justly coinPeregrine declared himself already over- plained, asked if he could conveniently acpaid for all his good offices, by the pleasure commodate him with the loan of twenty he enjoyed in employing them, and the guineas? The lieutenant, without opening ha'ppy effects they had produced in the his mouth, pulled out his purse; and Pipes, mutual satisfaction of two persons so dear to who overheard the demand, applying the his affection-; and assured his friend, that whistle to his lips, performed a loud overone time or other he would set his con- ture, in token of his joy. Matters being thus science at ease, and remove the scruples of brought to an accommodation, our hero told his honour, by having recourse to his assist- the captain, that he should be glad of his ance; but at present he could not make use company at dinner, with their common friend of his friendship, without giving just cause Hatchway, if he would in the mean time of offence to honest Hatchway, who was leave him to the ministry of Pipes; and the prior to him in point of solicitation, and had soldier went away for the present, in order manifested his attachment with surprising to pay a short visit'to his uncle, who at that obstinacy and perseverance. time languished in a declining state of health, promising to return at the appointed hour. The lieutenant, having surveyed the disCHAPTER CII. mal appearance of his fiiend, could not help being moved at the spectacle, and began to Peregrine reconciles himself to the lieu- upbraid him with his obstinate pride, which, tenant, and renews his connexion with he swore, was no better than self-murder. society-Divers plans:are projected in But the young gentleman interrupted him in his behalf, and he has occasion to exhibit the course of his moralizing, by telling him a remarkable proof of self-denial. he had reasons for his conduct, which, per haps, he would impart in due season; but, TrIE captain, with reluctance, yielded the at present, his design was to alter tlat plan ADVENTURES OF PEREGRINE PICKLE. 355, of behaviour, and make himself some amends immediate cause of his indisposition, by for the misery he had undergone. He terrifying him into a fever. Understanding accordingly sent Pipes to redeem his clothes that the breach between Pickle and Hatchfrom the pawnbroker's wardrobe, and be- way was happily cemented, and that he was speak something comfortable for dinner. no longer in any danger fiom the lieutenant's When Godfrey came back, he was very resentment, he promised to be at the Fleet agreeably surprised to see such a favourable with the first convenient opportunity; and, alteration in his externals; for, by the in the mean time, wrote an answer to Pere. assistance of his valet, he had purified him- grine's letter, importing, that he was obliged self from the dregs of his distress, and now to him for his offer, but had not the least appeared in a decent suit, with clean linen, occasion for his assistance. while his face was disencumbered of the In a few days, our adventurer recovered hair that overshadowed it, and his apartment his vigour, complexion, and vivacity; he prepared for the reception of company. mingled again in the diversions and parties They enjoyed their meal with great satis- of the place; and he received, in a little faction, entertaining one another with a time, the money he had lent upon bottomry, recapitulation of their former adventures at which, together with the interest, amounted the garrison. In the afternoon, Gauntlet to upwards of eleven hundred pounds. The taking his leave, in order to write a letter to possession of this sum, while it buoyed up his his sister, at the desire of his uncle, who, spirits, involved him in perplexity. Somefinding his end appoaching, wanted to see times he thought it was incumbent on him, her without loss of time, Peregrine made his as a man of honour, to employ the greatest appearance on the Bare, and was compli- part of it, in diminishing the debt for which inented on his coming abroad again, not only he suffered; on the other hand, he considered by his old messmates, who had not seen that obligation effaced, by the treacherous him for many weeks, but by a number of behaviour of his creditor, who had injured those objects whom his liberality had fed, him to ten times the value of the sum; and, before his funds were exhausted. Hatchway in th.ese sentiments, entertained thoughts of was, by his interest with the warden, put in attempting his escape from prison, with a possession of his former quarters, and Pipes view of conveying himself, with the shipdispatched to make inquiry about Crabtree at wreck of his fortune, to another country, in his former lodging, where he learned that which he might use it to better advantage. the misanthrope, after a very severe fit of Both suggestions were attended with such illness, was removed to Kensington G(ravel- doubts and difficulties, that he hesitated pits, fbr the convenience of breathing a between them, and for the present laid out purer air than that of London. a thousand pounds in stock, the interest of In consequence of this information, Pere- which, together with the fruits of his own mine, who knew the narrowness of the old industry, he hoped would support him above Lentleman's fortune, next day desired his want in his confinement, until something friend Gauntlet to take the trouble of visiting should occur that would point out the expedihim in his name with a letter, in which he ency of some other determination. Gauntexpressed great concern for his indisposi- let still insisted upon having the honour of tion, gave him notice of the fortunate in- obtaining his liberty, at the expense of telligence he had received from the Downs, taking up his notes to Gleanum, and exhort-,and conjured him to make use of his purse, ed him to purchase a commission with part if he was in the least hampered in his of the money which he had retrieved. The circumstances. The captain took coach lieutenant affirmed, that it was his privilege immediately, and set out for the place, ac- to procure the release of his cousin Pickle, cording to the direction which Pipes had because he enjoyed a very handsome sum procured. by his aunt, which of right belonged to the Cadwallader, having seen him at Bath, young gentleman, to whom he was, moreknew him again at first sight; and, though over, indebted for the use of his furniture, reduced to a skeleton, believed himself in and for the very house that stood over his such a fair way of doing well, that he head; and that, although he had already would have accompanied him to the Fleet made a will in his favour, he should never immediately, had he not been restrained by be satisfied, nor easy in his mind, so long his nurse, who was, by his physician, in- as he remained deprived of his liberty, and vested with full authority to dispute and wanted any of the conveniences of life. oppose his will in every thing that she Cadwallader, who by this time assisted at should think prejudicial to his health; for he their councils, and was best acquainted with was considered, by those who'had the care the peculiarity and unbending disposition of of him, as an old humourist not a little dis- the youth, proposed, that, seeing he was so tempered in his brain. IHe inquired par- averse to obligations, Mr Hatchway should ticularly about the sailors, who, he said, purchase of him the garrison with its aphad (leterred him from carrying on his usual pendages, which, at a moderate price, would correspondence with Pickle, and been the sell for more money than would be sufficient 30' 356 SMOLLETT'S SELECT WORKS. to discharge his debts; that, if the servile those pompous scenes which he now detested subordination of the army did not suit his and despised. He amused his fancy with inclination, he might, with his reversion, the prospect of being able to support her in buy a comfortable annuity, and retire with a state of independency, by means of the him to the country, where he might live slender annuity which it was in his power to absolutely independent, and entertain himself, purchase, together with the fruits of those as, usual, with the ridiculous characters of endeavours which would profitably employ manikind. his vacant hours; and fbresaw provision for This plan was to Pickle less disagreeable his growing family in the friendship of the than any other project which as yet had lieutenant, who had already constituted him been suggested, and the lieutenant declared his heir. He even parcelled out his hours himself ready to execute his part of it with- among the necessary cares of the world, the out delay; but the soldier was mortified at pleasures of domestic bliss, and the enjoythe thoughts of seeing his assistance un- ment of a country life; and spent the night necessary, and eagerly objected to the retire- in ideal parties with his charming bride, ment, as a scheme that would blast the sometimes walking by the sedgy bank fairest promises of' fame and fortune, and of some transparent stream, sometimes bury his youth and talents in solitude and pruning the luxuriant vine, and sometimes obscurity. This earnest opposition on the sitting in social converse with her in a shady part of Gauntlet hindered our adventurer grove of his own planting. from formlig any immediate resolution, These, however, were no more than the which was also retarded by his unwillingness shadowy phantoms of imagination, which, to part with the garrison upon any terms, he well knew, would never be realized; not because he looked upon it as part of his that he believed such happiness unattainable inheritance, which he could not dispose of by a person in his circumstances, but bewithout committing an insult upon the cause he would not stoop to propose a memory of the deceased commodore. scheme which might, in any shape, seem to interfere with the interest of Emilia, or subject himself to a repulse from that young CHAPTER CIII. lady, who had rejected his addresses in the zenith of his fortune. He is engaged in a very extraordinary While he diverted himself with these correspondence, which is interrupted by agreeable reveries, an unexpected event ina very unexpected event. tervened, in which she and her brother were deeply interested. The uncle was tapped WHIILE this affair was in agitation, the for the dropsy, and died in a few days after captain told him, in the course of conversa- the operation, having bequeathed, in his will, tion, that Emilia was arrived in town, and five thousand pounds to his nephew, an{ had inquired about Mr Pickle with such an twice that sum to his niece, who had always eagerness of concern, as seemed to proclaim enjoyed the greatest share of his favour. that she was in some measure informed of If our adventurer, before this occurrence, his misfortune; he therefore desired to know looked upon his love of Emrilif a. a passion if he might be allowed to make her ac- which it was necessary at any rate to conquainted with his situation, provided he quer or suppress, he now considered her should be again importuned by her on that accession of fortune as a circumstance which subject, which he had at first industriously confirmed that necessity, and resolved to waved. discourage every thought on that subject This proof, or rather presumption, of her which should tend to the propagation of hope. sympathising regard, did not fail to operate One day, in the midst of a conversation powerfully upon the bosom of Peregrine, calculated for the purpose, Godfrey put into which was immediately filled with those his hand a letter directed to Mr Pickle, in tumults which love, ill stifled, frequently the handwriting of Emilia, which the youth excites. He observed, that his disgrace was no sooner recognised, than his cheeks were such as could not be effectually concealed; covered with a crimson dye, and he began to therefore he saw no reason for depriving tremble with violent agitation; for he at once nimself of Emilia's compassion, since he was guessed the import of the billet, which he for ever excluded from her affection; and kissed with great reverence and devotion, desired Godfrey to present to his sister the and was not at all surprised when he read lowly respects of a despairing lover. the following words:But, notwithstanding his declaration of " SIR-I have performed a sufficient despondence on this head, his imagination sacrifice to my reputation, in retaining involuntarily teemed with, more agreeable hitherto the appearance of that resentment ideas: the proposal of Crabtree had taken which I had long ago dismissed; and as the root in his reflection, and he could not help late favourable change in my situation empow%rming plans of pastoral felicity in the ers me to avow my genuine sentiments arms of the lovely Emilia, remote from without fear of censure, or suspicion of mer ADVENTURES OF PEREGRINE PICKLE. 357 cenarv design, I take this opportunity all times ready to demonstrate; but the to assure you, that, if I still maintain that sacrifice to honour, it is now my turn to pay; place in your heart which I was vain enough and such is the rigour of my destiny, that in to think I once possessed, I am willingto make order to justify your generosity, I must refuse the first advances to an accommodation, and to profit by your condescension. Madam, I have actually furnished my brother with full am doomed to be for ever wretched; and to powers to conclude it in the name of your sigh without ceasing, for the possession of appeased EMILIA." that jewel, which, though now in my offer, I Pickle having kissed the subscription with dare not enjoy. I shall not pretend to great ardour, fell upon his knees, and lifting express the anguish that tears my heart, up his eyes,-" Thank heaven!" cried he, whilst I communicate this fatal renunciation; with an air of transport, " I have not been but appeal to the delicacy of your own mistaken in my opinion of that generous sentiments, which can judge of my suffermaid. I believed her inspired with the most ings, and will, doubtless, do justice to the dignified and heroic sentiments, and now self-denial of your forlorn P. PICKLE." she gives me a convincing proof of her Emilia, who knew the nicety of our hero's magnanimity: it is now my business to ap- pride, had foreseen the purport of this prove myself worthy of her regard. May epistle before it came to her hands: she did heaven inflict upon me the keenest arrows of not therefore despair of success, nor desist its vengeance, if I do not, at this instant, from the prosecution of her plan, which was contemplate the character of Emilia with no other than that of securing her own hapthe most perfect love and adoration; yet, piness, in espousing the man upon whom amiable and enchanting as she is, I am more she had fixed her unalterable affection. than ever determined to sacrifice the interest Confident of his honour, and fully satisfied of my passion to my glory, though my life of the mutual passion with which they were should fail in the contest; and even to refuse inspired, she gradually decoyed him into a an offer, which, otherwise, th4.hole universe literary correspondence, wherein she atshould not bribe me to forego." tempted to refilte the arguments on which he This declaration was not so unexpected as grounded his refusal; and, without doubt, unwelcome to his friend Gauntlet, who re- the young gentleman was not a little pleased presented that his glory was not at all inter- with the enjoyment of such delightful comested in the affair; because he had already merce, in the course of which he had, more vindicated his generosity in repeated proffers than ever, an opportunity of admiring the to lay his whole fortune at Emilia's feet, poignancy of her wit, and the elegance of when it was impossible that any thing selfish -her understanding. could enter into the proposal; but that, in The contemplation of such excellency, rejecting her present purpose, he would give while it strengthened the chains with which le world an opportunity to say, that his she held him enslaved, added emulation to ~ride was capricious, his obstinacy invinci- the other motives that induced him to mainble, and his sister would have undeniable tain the dispute; and much subtlety of reason to believe, that either his passion for' reasoning was expended upon both sides of her was dissembled, or the ardour of it con- this very particular question w-ithout any siderably abated. prospect of conviction on eitner part; till at In answer to these remonstrances, Pickle last she began to despair of making him a observed, that he had long set the world at proselyte to her opinion by dint of argument; defiance, and as to the opinion of Emilia, he and resolved for the future to apply herself did not doubt that she would applaud in her chiefly to the irresistible prepossessions of heart the resolution he had taken, and do his love, which: were not at all diminished or justice to the purity of his intention. impaired by the essays of her pen. With It was not an easy task to divert our hero this view she proposed a conference, prefrom his designs at any time of life: but, tending that it was impossible to convey all since his confinement, his inflexibility was her reflections upon this subject, in a series become almost insurmountable. The cap- of short letters; and Godfrey undertook to tain, therefore, after having discharged his bail him for the day; but, conscious of her conscience, in assuring him that his sister's power, he would not trust himself in her happiness was at stake, that his mother had presence, though his heart throbbed with all approved of the step she had taken, and that the eagerness of desire to see her fair eyes he himself should be extremely mortified at disrobed of that resentment which they had his refusal, forbore to press him with further worn so long, and to enjoy the ravishing argument, which served only to rivet him sweets of a fond reconciliation. the more strongly in his own opinion; and Nature could not have held out against undertook to deliver this answer to Emilia's such powerful attacks, had not the pride and letter:- caprice of his disposition been gratified to ~' MADAM-That I revere the dignity of the full in the triumph of his resistance; he your virtue with the utmost veneration, and looked upon the contest as altogether original, love you infinitely more than life, I am at and persevered with obstinacy, because he 358: SMOLLETT'S SELECT WORKS. thought himself sure of favourable terms, in which the fair Emilia was principally conwhenever he should be disposed to capitulate. cerned, and hearing this strange preamble, Perhaps he might have overshot himself, in the sat up in his bed, and unsealed the letter, in course of his perseverance: a young lady of a state of mortification and disgust: but wha.t Emilia's fortune and attractions, could not were the emotions of his soul, when lie read fail to find herself surrounded by temptations, the following intimation! which few women can resist. She might " DEAR BROTHER-It hath pleased God have misinterpreted the meaning of some to take your father suddenly off by a fit of paragraph, or taken umbrage at an unguarded apoplexy, and as he has died intestate, I give expression in one of Peregrine's letters: you this notice, that you may, with all speed, she might have been tired out by his ob- come down and take possession of your stinate peculiarity, or, at the long-run, con- right, in despite of Mr Gam and his mlother, strued it into madness, slight, or indifference; who, you may be sure, do not sit easy under or, rather than waste her prime in fruitless this unexpected dispensation of providence. endeavours to subdue the pride of a head- I have, by virtue of being a justice of the strong humourist, she might have listened to peace, taken such precautions as I thought the voice of some admirer fraught with quali- necessary for your advantage; and the fications sufficient to engage her esteem and funeral shall be deferred until your pleasure affection. But all these possibilities were be known. Your sister, though sincerely providentially prevented by an accident afflicted by her father's fate, submits to the attended with more important consequences will of Heaven with laudable resignation, than any we have hitherto recounted. and begs you will set out for this place Early one morning Pipes was disturbed without delay; in which request she is by the arrival of a messenger, who had been joined by, sir, your affectionate brother, and sent express from the country by Mr Clover, humble servant, CHARLES CLOVER." with a packet for the lieutenant, and arrived in Peregrine at first looked upon this epistle town over night; but as he was obliged to as a mere ill[p n of the brain, and a conhave recourse to the information of Jack's tinuation of Tlie reverie in which he had correspondent in the city, touching the been engaged. Ile read it ten times over, place of his abode, before he demanded without being persuaded that he was actually entrance at the Fleet, the gate was shut; awake: he rubbed his eyes, and shook his nor would the turnkeys admit him, although head, in order to shake off the drowsy he told them that he was charged with a vapours that surrounded him: he hemmed message of the utmost consequence; so that thrice with great vociferation, snapped his he was fain to tarry till day-break, when he, fingers, tweaked his nose, started up from at his earnest solicitation, was allowed to his bed, and, opening the casement, took enter. a survey of the well-known objects that Hatchway, opening the packet, found a appeared on each side of his habitation. letter inclosed for Peregrine, with an earnest Every thing seemed congruous and connect request that he should forward it to the ed, and he said within himrnself,-" Sure this is'hands of that young gentleman with all poss- the most distinct dream that ever sleep proible dispatch. Jack, who could not dive duced." Then he had recourse again to the into the meaning of this extraordinary injunc- paper, which he carefully perused, without tion, began to imagine that Mrs Clover lay finding any variation from his first notion of at the point of death, and wanted to take the contents. her last farewell of her brother: and this Hatchway seeing all his extravagances of conceit worked so strongly upon his imagi- action, accompanied with a wild stare of nation, that, while he huddled on his clothes, distraction, began to believe that his head and made the best of his way to the apart- was at length- fairly turned, and was really ment of our hero, he could not help cursing, meditating means for securing his person, within himself, the folly of the husband, in when Pickle, in a tone of surprise, exsending such disagreeable messages to a man claimed,-" Good God, am I or am I not of Peregrine's impatient temper, already awake? " "Why, look ye, cousin Pickle," soured by his own uneasy situation. replied the lieutenant, "that is a question This reflection would have induced hin to which the deep sea-line of my understanding suppress the letter, had not he been afraid is not long enough to sound; but howsomto tamper with the ticklish disposition of ever, tho'f I can't trust to the observation I his friend, to whom, while he delivered have taken, it shall go hard but I will fall upon t, —" As for my own part," said he, " mayhap a way to guess whereabouts we are." So I may have as much natural affection as saying, he lifted up a pitcher full of cold another; but, when my spouse parted, I water, that stood behind the outward door, bore my misfortune like a British man and a and discharged it in the face of Peregrine christian: for why? he's no better than a without ceremony or hesitation. fresh-water sailor, who knows not how to This temedy produced the desired effect: stem the current of mischance." - unpalatable as it was, the young gentleman Pickle being waked from a pleasant dream, no sooner recovered, his breath, which was ADVENTURES OF PEREGRINE PICKLE. 359 endangered by such a sudden application, pliment of gratulation, they entered into than he thanked his friend Jack for the close divan, about the measures to.be taken seasonable operation he had performed. in consequence of this event.. Having no longer any just reason to doubt There was no room for much debate; it the reality of what appeared so convincingly was unanimously agreed that Pickle should to his senses, he shifted himself on the set out with all possible dispatch for the instant, not without hurry and trepidation; garrison,'to which Gauntlet.and Htatchway and, putting on his mnorning dress, sallied resolved to attend him. Pipes was accordforth to the Bare, in order to deliberate with ingly ordered to prepare a couple of posthimself on the important intelligence he had chaises, while Godfrey went to procure bail received. for his friend, and provide them with money Hatchway, not yet fully convinced of his for the expense of the expedition; but not sanity, and curious to know the purport of before he was desired by Peregrine to conceal the lettet which had affected him in such an this piece of news from his sister, that our extraordinary manner, carefully attended his youth might have an opportunity to surprise footsteps in this excursion, in hope of being her in a more interesting manner after he favoured with his confidence, in the course should have settled his affairs., of their perambulation. Our hero no sooner All these previous steps being taken, in appeared at the street-door, than he was less than an hour our hero took his leave of saluted by the messenger, who having posted the Fleet, after he had left twenty guineas himself in the way for that purpose,-" God with the warden for the relief of the poor bless your noble honour, Squire Pickle," prisoners, a great number of whom convoyed cried he, "and give you joy of succeeding him to the gate, pouring forth prayers for his to your father's estate." These words had long life and prosperity; and he took the scarce proceeded from his mouth, when the road to the garrison, in the most elevated lieutenant, hopping eagerly towards the transports of joy, unalloyed with the least countryman, squeezed his hand with great mixture of grief at the death of a parent. affection, and asked if the old gentleman had whose paternal tenderness he had never actually taken his departure? "Aye, Master lknown. His breast was absolutely a stranger Hatchway," replied the other, "in such a to that boasted ~rogy, or instinct of affecwoundy haste, that he forgot to make a tion, by which the charities are supposed to will." "Body of me!" exclaimed the sea- subsist. man, "these are the best tidings I have ever Of all the journeys he had ever made, heard since I first went to sea. Here, my this, sure, was the most delightful; he felt all lad, take my purse, and stow thyself choke- the ecstasy that must naturally be produced -full of the best liquor in the land." So say- in a young man of his imagination, from ing, he tipped the peasant with ten pieces, such a sudden transition in point of circumand immediately the whole place echoed stances; he found himself delivered friom with the sound of Tom's instrument. Pere- confinement and disgrace, without being grine, repairing to the walk, communicated obliged to any person upon earth for his dethe billet to his honest friend, who, at his liverance; he had it now in his power to desire, went forthwith to the lodgings of retort the corjtempt of the world in a manner Captain Gauntlet, and returned in less than suited to his most sanguine wish; he was half an hour with that gentleman, who, I reconciled to his friend, and.enabled to need not say, was heartily rejoiced at the gratify his love, even upon his own terms; occasion. and saw himself in possession of a fortune more ample than his first inheritance, with a stock of experience that Would' steer him CHAPTER CIV..clear of all those quicksands.among which he had been'formerly wrecked, Peregrine holds a consultation with his In the middle of their journey- while they friends, in consequence of which he bids halted at an inn for a short refreshment and adieu to the Fleet. He arrives at his change of horses, a postilion runninig p to father's house, and asserts his right of Peregrine in the yard, fell at his feet, clasped inheritance. his knees with great eagerness and agitation, and presented to him the individual face of NoR did our hero keep the misanthrope in his old valet-de-chambre. The youth perignorance of this happy turn of fortune: ceiving him in such an abject garb and attiPipes was dispatched to the senior, with a tude, commanded him to rise and tell the message requesting his immediate presence; cause of such a miserable reverse in his and'he accordingly appeared, in obedience to fortune. Upon which Ha~dgi gave him to the summons, growling with discontent for understand, that he had been ruined by his having been deprived of several hours of his wife, who, having robbed him of all his cash natural rest. His mouth was immediately and valuable effects, had eloped from his stopped -with the letter, at which he smiled house with one of his own customers, who holrrible a ghastly grin; and, after a cor- appeared in the character of a French count, 360 SO SMOLLETT'S SELECT WORKS. but was in reality no other than an Italian themselves bound to obey nobody but their fiddler; that, in consequence of this retreat, lady, and her son Mr Gamaliel. This declahe (the husband) was disabled from paying a ration had scarce proceeded from his mouth, considerable sum which he had set apart for when our hero gave them to understand, that his wine-merchant, who, being disappointed since they were not disposed to own any in his expectation, took out an execution other master, they must change their quarters against his effects: and the rest of his cre- immediately. He ordered them to decamp ditors following his example, hunted him out without further preparation; and as they still of house and home: so that, finding his continued restive, they were kicked out of person in danger at London, he had been doors by the captain and his friend Hatchobliged to escape into the country, shulking way. Squire Gainm, who overheard every about from one village to another, till, being thing that had passed, and was. now more quite destitute of all support, he had under, than ever inflamed with that rancour which taken his present office, to save himself from he had sucked with his mother's n1lk, flew to starving. the assistance of his adherents, with a pistol Peregrine listened with compassion to his in each hand, bellowing thieves! thieves! lamentable tale, which too well accounted with great vociferation, as if he had mistaken for his not appearing in the Fleet, with offers the business of the strangers, and actually of service to his master in distress: a cir- believed himself in danger of being robbed. cumstance that Pickle had all along imputed Under this pretence lie discharged a piece to his avarice and ingratitude. He assured at his brother, who luckily escaped the shot, him, that, as he had been the means of closed with him in a moment, and wresting throwing in his way the temptation to which the other pistol from his gripe, turned him he fell a sacrifice, he would charge himself out into the court-yard, to the consolation of with the retrieval of his affairs; in the mean his two dependents. time, he made him taste of his bounty, and By this time, Pipes and his two postilions desired him to continue in his present em- had taken possession of the stables, without ployment until he should return from the being opposed by the coachman and his depugarrison, when he would consider his situa- ty, who quietly submitted to the authority tion, and do something for his immediate of their new sovereign: but the noise of the relief. pistol had alarmed Mrs Pickle, who, running Hadgi attempted to kiss his shoe, and down stairs, with the most frantic appear. wept, or affected to weep, with sensibility, at ance, attended by two maids and the curate, this gracious reception; he even made a who still maintained his place of chaplain merit of his unwillingness to exercise his new and ghostly director in the family, would occupation, and earnestly begged that he have assaulted our hero with her nails, had might be allowed to give immediate attend- not she been restrained by her attendants. ance upon his dear master, from whom he Though they prevented her from using her could not bear the thoughts of a second hands, they could not hinder her from exerparting. His entreaties were reinforced by cising her tongue, which she wagged against the intercession of his two friends, in con- him with all the virulence of malice. She sequence of which the Swiss. was permitted asked if he was come to butcher his brother, to follow them at his own leisure, while they to insult his father's corpse, and to triumph set forwards, after a slight repast, and in her.affliction? She bestowed upon him reached. the place of their destination before the epithets of spendthrift, jail-bird, and unten o'clock at night. natural ruffian: she begged pardon of God Peregrine, instead of alighting at the gar- for having brought such a monster into the rison, rode straightway to his father's house; world, accused him of having brought his and no person appearing to receive him, not father's grey hairs with sorrow to the grave; even a servant to take care of his chaise, he and affirmed, that, were he to touch the body, dismounted without assistance. Being fol-'it would bleed at his approach.. lowed by his two friends, he advanced into Without pretending to refute the artithe hall, where perceiving a bell-rope, he dcles of this ridiculous charge, he allowed her made immediate application to it, in such a to ring out her alarm; and then calmly remanner as brought a couple of footmen into plied, that if she did not quietly retire to her his presence. After having reprimanded chamber, and behave as became a person in them with astern look, for their neglect in her present situation, he should insist upon point of attendance, he commanded them to her removing to another lodging without deshow him into an apartment; and as they lay; for he was determined to be master in seemed unwilling to yield obedience to his his own family. The lady, who, in all proba. orders, asked if they did not belong to the bility expected that he would endeavour to family 1 appease her with, all the tenderness of filial One of them, who took upon himself the submission, was so much exasperated at his office of spokesman, replied with a sullen air, cavalier behaviour, that her constitution could that they had been in the service of old Mr not support the transports of her spirits;'Pickle, and now that he was dead, thought and'she'was carried off by her women in a ADVE\NTURE1C;S OF PEREGRINE PICKLE. 361 fit, while the officious clergymlan wvas dis- dispelled; and having cheerfully supped with missed after his pupil, with all the circum- his fiiends on a cold collation, which his stances of disgrace. brother-in-law had brought in his chariot, Our hero having thus made his quarters they retired to rest in different chambers, good, took possession of the best apartment after Julia had met with another repulse in the house, and sent notice of his arrival from her capricious mother, whose overflowto Mr Clover, who, with his wife, visited ing rage had now subsided into the former him in less than an hour, and was not a little channel of calm inveteracy. surprised to find him so suddenly settled in Next morning the house was supplied with his father's house. The meeting of Julia some servants from the garrison, and prepaand her brother was extremely pathetic. rations were made for the funeral of the deShe had always loved him with uncommon ceased. Garn having taken lodgings in the tenderness, and looked upon him as the or- neighbourhood, came with a chaise and cart nament of her family; but she had heard of to demand his mother, together with his own his extravagances with regret; and though clothes, and her personal effects. she considered the stories that were circu- Our hero, th6ugh he would not suffer him lated at his expense as the malicious exag- to enter the door, allowed his proposal to be gerations of his mother and her darling son, communicated to the widow, who eagerly her apprehension had been grievously alarmed embraced the opportunity of removing, and by an account of his imprisonment and dis- was, with her own baggage, and that ofherbetress, which had been accidentally conveyed loved son, conveyed to the place which he had to that country by a gentleman from London, prepared for her reception. Thither she was who had been formerly of his acquaintance; followed by her woman, who was desired by she could not, therefore, without the most Peregrine to assure her mistress, that until a tenderemotions ofjoy, see him, as it were, re- regular provision could be settled upon her stored to his rightful inheritance, and re-estab- she might command him in point of money, or lished in that station of life which she thought any other accommodation in his power. he could fill with dignity and importance. After their mutual expressions of affection, she retired to her mother's chamber, with a CHAPTER CV. view to make a second offer of her service and attendance, which had been already rejected He performs the last of/ices to his father with scorn since her father's death; while and returns to London upon a very interPeregrine consulted his brother-in-law about esting design. the affairs of the family, so far as they had fallen within his cognisance and observation. SUITS of mourning being provided for himMr Clover told him, that, though he was self, his friends, and adherents, and every never favoured with the confidence of the other previous measure taken suitable to the defunct, he knew some of his intimates, who occasion, his father was interred in a private had been tampered with by Mrs Pickle, and manner, in the parish church; and his papers even engaged to second the remonstrances being examined, in presence of many persons by which she had often endeavoured tQ per- of honour and integrity, invited for that suade her husband to settle his affairs by a purpose, no will was found, or any other formal will; but that he had from time to deed, in favour of the second son, though it time evaded their importunities with surpris- appeared, by the marriage settlement, that ang excuses of procrastination, that plainly the widow was entitled to a jointure of five appeared to be the result of invention and hundred pounds a-year. The rest of the design, far above the supposed pitch of his papers consisted of East-India bonds, South capacity; a circumstance from which Mr Sea annuities, mortgages, notes, and assignClover concluded, that the old gentleman menrits, to the amount of fourscore thousand imagined his life would not have been secure, seven hundred and sixty pounds, exclusive had he once taken such a step as would have of the house, plate, and furniture, horses, rendered it unnecessaryto the independence equipage, and cattle, and the garden and of his second son. He moreover observed, park adjacent, to a very considerable extent. that, in consequence of this information, he This was a sum that even exceeded his no sooner heard of Mr Pickle's death, which expectation, and could not fail to entertain happened at the club, than lie went directly his fancy with the most agreeable ideas. with a lawyer to his house, before any cabal or Ile found himself immediately a man of vast conspiracy could be formed against the rightful consequence among his country neighbours, heir; and, in presence of witnesses provided who visited him with compliments of congratfor the purpose, sealed up all the papers of ulation, and treated him with such respect the deceased, after the widow had, in the first as would have effectually spoiled any young transports of her sorrow and vexation, fairly man of his disposition, who had not the same )wned that her husband had died intestate. advantages of experience as he had already Peregrine was extremely well satisfied at purchased at a very extravagant price. Thus.his intelligence, by which all his doubts were shielded with caution, he bore his prosperity 2V 362 SMOLLETT'S SELECT WORKS. with surprising temperance; every body was man's halloo, in a voice that sounded like charmed with his affability and moderation. a French horn, clapping spurs to Sorrel at When he made a circuit round the gentle- the same time, in order to keep up with the men of the district, in order to repay the pace of the machines. courtesy which he owed, he was caressed Peregrline, who was animated with an unby them with uncommon assiduity, and advis- common flow of spirits, ordered his postilion edto offerhimselfasa candidate forthecounty to proceed more softly; and entered into at the next election, which, they supposed, conversation with the stranger, touching the would soon happen, because the present make and mettle of his horse, upon which he member was in a declining state of health. descanted with so much learning, that the Nor did his person and address escape un- squire was astonished at his knowledge. heeded by the ladies, many of whom did not When they approached his habitation, he scruple to spread their attractions before him, invited the young gentleman and his compawith a view of captivating such a valuable ny to halt, and drink a bottle of his ale; and prize; nay, such an impression did this leg- was so pressing in his solicitation, that they acy make upon a certain peer, who resided complied with his request. He accordingly in this part of the country, that he cultivated conducted them through a spacious avenue, Pickle's acquaintance with great eagerness, that extended as far as the high way, to the and, without circumlocution, offered to him gate of a large chateau, of a most noble and in marriage his only daughter, with a very venerable appearance, which induced them considerable fortune. to alight and view the apartments, contrary Our hero expressed himself upon this oc- to their first intention of drinking a glass of casion as became a man of honour, sensibility his October at the door. and politeness; and frankly gave his lordship The rooms were every way suitable to the to understand, that his heart was already magnificence of the outside, and our hero imengaged. He was pleased with the opportu- agined they had made a tour through the nity of making such a sacrifice to his passion whole sweep, when the landlord gave him for Emilia, which, by this time, inflamed his to understand, that they had not yet seen thoughts to such a degree of impatience, that the best apartment of the house, and iarmmehe resolved to depart for London with all diately led them into a spacious dining-room. possible speed; and for that purpose indus- which Peregrine did not enter without giving triously employed almost every hour of his manifest signs of uncommon astonishment time in regulating his domestic affairs. He The pannels all. round were covered with paid off all his father's servants, and hired portraits at full length by Vandyke; and not others, at the recommendation of his sister, one of them appeared without a ridiculous who promised to superintend his household in tie periwig, in the style of those that usually his absence; he advanced the first half-yearly hang over the shops of twopenny barbers. payment of his mother's jointure; and as for The strait boots in which the figures had his brother Gam, he gave him divers oppor- been originally painted, and the other cirtunities of acknowledging his faults, so as that cumstances of attitude and drapery, so inconhe might have answered to his own con- sistent with this monstrous furniture of the science for taking any step in his favour; head, exhibited such a ludicrous appearance, but that young gentleman was not yet suffi- that Pickle's wonder in a little time'gave ciently humbled by misfortune, and not only way to his mirth, and he was seized with a forbore to make any overtures of peace, but violent fit of laughter, which had well nigh also took all occasions to slander the conduct, deprived him of his breath. and revile the person, of our hero, being in The squire, half pleased and half offended this practice comforted and abetted by his at this expression of ridicule,-" I know," righteous mamma. said he, " what makes you laugh so wofully: Every thing being thus settled for the pres- you think it strange to zee my vorefathers ent, the triumvirate set out on their return booted and spurred, with huge three-tailed to town, in the same manner with that in periwigs on their pates. The truth of the which they had arrived in the country, ex- matter is this: I could not abide to zee the cept in this small variation, that Hatchway's pictures of my vamily with a parcel of loose chaise companion was now the valet-de- hair hanging about their eyes, like zo many chambre refitted, instead of Pipes, who, with colts; and zo I employed a painter fellow another lacquey, attended them on horseback. from Lugndon to clap decent periwigs upon When they had performed two-thirds of their their skulls, at the rate of five shillings a-head, way to London, they chanced to overtake a and offered him three shillings a-piece to country squire, on his return from a visit to furnish each with a handsome pair of shoes one of his neighbours, who had entertained and stockings: but the rascal, thinking I him with such hospitality, that, as the lieu- must have'em done at any price after their tenant observed, he rolled himself almost heads were covered, haggled with me for gunwale to every motion of his horse, which vour shillings a picture; and zo, rather than was a fine hunter; and when the chaises be imposed upon, I turned him off, and shall passed him at full speed, he set up the sports- let'em stand as they are, till some more ADVENTURES OF PEREGRINE PICKLE. 363 reasonable brother of the brush comes round It is impossible to convey to the reader a the country." just idea of Peregrine's transports, while he Pickle commended his resolution, though, overheard this declaration; which was no in his heart, he blessed himself from such a sooner pronounced, than, unable to resist the barbarous Goth; and, after they had des- impetuosity of his passion, he sprung from patched two or three bottles of his beer, they his lurking place, exclaiming,-" Here 1 surproceeded on their journey, and arrived in render," and rushing into her presence, was tuwn about eleven at night. so dazzled with her beauty, that his speech failed: he was fixed like a statue to the floor; and all his faculties were absorbed in CHAPTER THE LAST. admiration. Indeed she was now in the full bloom of her charms, and it was nearly imHe enjoys an interview with Emilia, and possible to look upon her without emotion. makes himself ample amends for all the What then must have been the ecstasy of mortifications of his life. our youth, whose passion was whetted with all the incitements which could stimulate the GODFREY, who had taken leave of his sister, human heart! The ladies screamed with suron pretence of making a short excursion with prise at his appearance, and Emilia underPeregrine, whose health required the enjoy- went such agitation as flushed every charm ment of fresh air, after his long confinement, with irresistible energy; her cheeks glowed sent a message to her that same night, an- with a most delicate suffusion, and her nouncing his arrival, and giving her notice bosom heaved with such bewitching undulathat he would breakfast with her next morn- tion, that the cambrick could not conceal or ing; when he, and our hero, who had dress- contain the snowy hemispheres, that rose ed himself for the purpose, taking a hackney- like a vision of paradise to his view. coach, repaired to her lodoing, and were While he was almost fainting with un. introduced into a parlour adjoining that in utterable delight, she seemed to sink under which the tea-table was set. Here thev had the tumults of tenderness and confusion; not waited many minutes when they heard when our hero, perceiving her condition, the sound of feet coming down stairs; upon obeyed the impulse of his love, and circled which our hero's heart began to beat the the charmer in his arms, without suffering alarm. He concealed himself behind the the least frown or symptom of displeasure. screen, by the direction of his friend, whose Not all the pleasures of his life had amounted ears being saluted with Sophy's voice fionm- the to the ineffable joy of this embrace, in which next room, he flew into it with great ardour, he continued for some minutes totally enand enjoyed upon her lips the sweet trans- tranced. He fastened upon her pouting lips ports of a meeting so unexpected; for he had with all the eagerness of rapture; and, left her in her father's house at Windsor. while his brain seemed to whirl round with Amidst these emotions, he had almost for- transport, exclaimed in a delirium of bliss, — got the situation of Peregrine; when Ernilia, "Heaven and earth! this is too much to assuming her enchanting air,-" Is not this," bear." said she, " a most provoking scene to a young His imagination was accordingly relieved, woman like me, who am doomed to wear the and his attention in some measure divided, willow, by the strange caprice of my lover? by the interposition of Sophy, who kindly Upon my word, brother, you have done me chid him for his having overlooked his old infinite prejudice, in promoting this jaunt friends: thus accosted, he quitted his delicious with my obstinate correspondent; who, I armful, and, saluting Mrs Gauntlet, asked suppose, is so ravished with this transient pardon for his neglect; observing that such glimpse of liberty, that he will never be per- rudeness was excusable, considering the long suaded to incur unnecessary confinement for and unhappy exile which he had suffered the future."'; My dear sister," replied the from the jewel of his soul. Then turning to captain tauntingly, "your own pride set him Emilia, —"I am come, madam," said he, the example; so you must e'en stand to the "to claim the performance of your promise, consequence of his imitation." "'Tis ahard which I can produce under your own fair case, however," answered the fair offender, hand: you may, therefore, lay aside all " that I should suffer all my life by one venial superfluous ceremony and shyness, and trespass. Heigh ho! who would imagine crown my happiness without farther delay; that a sprightly girl, such as I, with ten for, upon my soul! my thoughts are wound thousand pounds, should go a-begging? I up to the last pitch of expectation, and I have a good mind to marry the next person shall certainly run distracted, if I am doomed that asks rme the question, in order to be re- to any term of probation." venged upon this unyielding humourist. Did His mistress having by this time recolthe dear fellow discover no inclination to see lected herself, replied, with a most exhilarat. me, in all the term of his releasement? Well, ing smile, —" I ought to punish you for your if ever I can catch the fugitive again, he shall obstinacy with the mortification of a twelvesing in his cage for life." month's trial; but it is dangerous to tamper 31 364 SMOLLETT'S SELECT WORKS. with an admirer of your disposition, and made him acquainted with the steps they had therefore, I think I must make sure of you taken, but desired that he would stand godwhile it is in my power." " You are willing father to the bride; an employment which then to take me for better for worse, in Jack accepted with demonstrations of partipresence of Heaven and these witnesses " cular satisfaction; till chancing to look into cried Peregrine kneeling, and applying her the street, and seeing Cadwallader approach hand to his lips. At this interrogation, her the door, in consequence of a message they features softened into an amazing expression had sent to him by Pipes, he declined the of condescending love; and while she office in favour of the senior; who was accorddarted a side-glance that thrilled to his. ingly ordained for that purpose, on the supmarrow, and heaved a sigh more soft than position that such a mark of regard might Zephyr's balmy wing, her answer was,- facilitate his concurrence with a match, -" Why-ay-and Heaven grant me pa- which otherwise he would certainly oppose, tience to bear the humours of such a yoke- as he was a professed enemy to wedlock, and, fellow." " And may the same powers," as yet, ignorant of Peregrine's intention. replied the youth, " grant me life and oppor- After having congratulated Pickle upon his tunity to manifest the immensity of my love. succession, and shook his two friends by the Meanwhile, I have eighty thousand pounds, hand, the misanthrope asked whose mare which shall be laid in your lap." was dead, that he was summoned in such a So saying, he sealed the contract upon her plaguy hurry from his dinner, which he lips, and explained the mystery of his last had been fain to gobble up like a cannibal? words, which had begun to operate upon the Our hero gave him to understand that wonder ofthe two sisters. Sophywas agree- they had made an appointment to drink ably surprised with the account of his good tea with two agreeable ladies, and were fortune; nor was it, in all probability, unac- unwilling that he should lose the opportunity ceptable to the lovely Emilia; though, from of enjoying an entertainment which he this information, she took an opportunity to loved so much. Crabtree, shrivelling up his upbraid her admirer with the inflexibility of face like an autumn leaf at this intimation his pride, which, she scrupled not to say, cursed his complaisance, and swore they would have baffled all the suggestions of pass- should keep their assignation without him; ion, had it not been gratified by this provi- for he and lechery had shook hands many dential event. years aoo. Matters being thus happily matured, the The bridegroom, however, likening him lover begged that immediate recourse might unto an old coachman, who still delights in be had to the church, and his happiness as- the smack of the whip, and dropping some certained before night. But the bride objected flattering hints of his manhood, even at these with great vehemence to such precipitation, years, he was gradually prevailed upon to being desirous of her mother's presence at accompany them to the place of rendezvous; the ceremony; andshe was seconded in her where, being ushered into a dining-room, opinion by her brother's wife. Peregrine, they had not waited three minutes, when maddening with desire, assaulted her with they were joined by the parson, who had obthe most earnest entreaties, representing, served the hour with great punctuality. that, as her mother's consent was already This gentleman no sooner entered the obtained, there was surely no necessity for a room, than Cadwallader, in a whisper to delay, that must infallibly make a dangerous Gauntlet, asked if that was not the cockimpression upon his brain and constitution. bawd? and, before the captain could make He fell at her feet, in all the agony of inpa- any reply, —" What an unconscionable tience; swore that his life and intellects whoremaster the rogue is!" said he: "scarce would actually be in jeopardy by her refusal; discharged from confinement, and sweetened and when she attempted to argue him out of with a little fresh air, when he wenches with his demand, began to rave with such extra- a pimp in canonicals in his pay." The door vagance, that Sophy was frightened into con- again opened, and Emilia broke in upon them viction; and Godfrey enforcing the remon- with such dignity of mien, and divinity of strances of his friend, the amiable Emilia aspect, as inspired every spectator with aswas teased into compliance. tonishment and admiration. The lieutenant, After breakfast the bridegroom and his who had not seen her since her charms were companion set out for the Commqns for a ripened into such perfection, expressed his license, having first agreed upon the house wonder and approbation in an exclamation of at which the ceremony should be performed, -" Add's zooks! what a glorious galley!" lnthe lodgings of the bride; and the permiss- and the misanthrope's visage was instantly ion being obtained, they found means to en- metamorphosed into the face of a mountain gage a clergyman, who undertook to attend goat. HTe licked his lips instinctively, snutfthemn at their own time and place. Then a ed the air, and squinted with a most horrid ring was purchased for the occasion; and obliquity of vision. they went in search of the lieutenant, with The bride and her sister being seated, and whom they dined at a tavern, and not only Hatchway having renewed his acquaintance ADVENTURES OF PEREGRINE PICKLE. 365 with the former who recognised him with the coach, and Jack proposed to the captain, particular civility, Peregrine withdrew into that, for the sake of the joke, the bridegroom another apartment with his friend Crabtree, should be plied with liquor, in such a manner to whom he imparted the design of this meet- as would effectually disable himl from enjoying; which the latter no sooner understood, ing the fruits of his good fortune for one than he attempted to retreat, without mak- nighit at least. Gauntlet seemed to relish the ing any other reply than that of-" Pshaw! scheme, and they prevailed upon Pickle to rot your matrimony! can't you put your neck accompany them to a certain tavern, on prein the noose without my being a witness tence of drinking a farewell glass to a single of your folly " life; there the bottle was circulated, till The young gentleman, in order to vanquish Hatchway's brain began to suffer innovation. this aversion, stepped to the door of the next As he had secured our hero's hat and sword, room, and begged the favour of speaking with he felt no apprehension of an elopement, Emilia, to whom he introduced the testy old which, however, was effected; and the youth bachelor, as one of his particular friends, who hastened on the wings of love to the arms of desired to have the honour of giving her his enchanting bride. He found Crabtree in away. The bewitching smile with which she a parlour waiting for his return, and disposed received his salute, and granted his request, to entertain him with a lecture upon temperat once overcame the disapprobation of the ance; to which he paid very little attention, misanthrope, who, with a relaxation in his but ringing for Emilia's maid, desired to countenance, which had never been perceived know it her mistress was a-bed. Being anbefore that instant, thanked her in the most po- swered in the affirmative, he sent her up lite terms for such an agreeable mark of dis- stairs to announce his arrival, undressed himtinction. Ile accordingly led her into the din- self to a loose gown and slippers, and wishingroom, where the ceremony was performed ing the misanthrope good night, after having without delay; and after the husband had as- desired t'o see him next day, followed in perserted his prerogative on her lips, the whole son to the delicious scene, where he found company saluted her by the name of Mrs her elegantly dished out, the fairest daughter Pickle. of cllhastity and love. I shall leave the sensible reader to judge When he approached, she was overwhelmwhat passed at this juncture within the ed with confusion, and hid her lovely face bosoms of the new-married couple; Pere- fiom his transporting view. Mrs Gaurtlet, grine's heart was filled with inexpressible seeing( his eyes kindled at the occasion ardour and impatience; while the transports kissed her charming sister, who, throwing of the bride were mingled with a dash of dif- her snowy arms about her neck, would have fidence and apprehension. Gauntlet saw it detained her in the room, had not Pereorine would ne too much for both, to bear their gently disengaged her confidant from her empresent tantalising situation till night, with- brace, and conducted her trembling to the out some amusement to divert their thoughts; door; which having bolted and barricadoed, and therefore proposed to pass part of the he profited by his good fortune, and his felievening at the public entertainments in Mary- city was perfect. bone gardens, which were at that time fre- Next day he rose about noon, andl found quented by the best company in town. The his three fiiends assembled, when he learned scheme was relished by the discreet Sophy, that Jack had fallen in his own snare, and who saw the meaning of the proposal, and been obliged to lie in the same tavern where the bride submitted to the persuasion of her he fell; a circumstance of' which he was so sister; so that, after tea, two coaches were much ashamed, that Peregrine and his wife called, and Peregrine was forcibly separated escaped many jokes, which he would have from his charmer during the conveyance. certainly cracked, had he not lain under the The new-married couple and their com- imputation of this disgrace. In half an hour pany having made shift to spend the evening, after lie came down, Mrs Pickle appeared with and supped on a slight collation in one of the Sophy, blushing like Aurora, or the goddess boxes, Perefrine's patience was almost quite of health, and sending forth emanations of exhausted: and taking Godfiey aside, he im- beauty unparalleled; she was complimented parted his intention to withdraw in private upon her change of situation by all present, fiom the sea-wit of his friend Hatchway, and by none more warmly than by old Crabwho would otherwise retard his bliss witlh tree, who declared himself so well satisfied unseasonable impediments, which, at present, with his friend's good fortune, as to be almost he could not possibly bear. Gauntlet, who reconciled to that institution, aogainst which sympathised with his impatience, undertook he had declaimed during the best part of his to intoxicate the lieutenant with bumpers to life. the joy of the bride, and, in the mean time, An express was immediately dispatched to desired Sophy to retire with his sister, under Mrs Gauntlet with an account of her daughthe auspices of Cadwallader, who promised to ter's marriage; a town-house was hired, and sqlire them home. a handsome equipage set up, in which the The ladies were accordingly conducted to new married pair appeared at all publick 866 SMOLLETT'S SELECT WORKS. places, to the astonishment ofouradvellturer's manl," and turned his head another way, in fair-weather friends, and the admiration of presence of the whole court. all the world; for, in point of figure, such When he had made a circuit round allthe another couple was not to be found in the places frequented by the beau monde, to the whole united kingdom. Envy despaired, and utter confusion of those against whom his redetraction was struck dumb, when our hero's sentment was kindled, paid off his debts, and new accession of fortune was consigned to the i settled his money-matters in town, Hatchcelebration of public fame; Emilia attracted way was dismissed to the country, in order the notice of all observers, from the pert to prepare for the reception of his fair Emitemplar to the sovereign himself, who was lia. In a few days after his departure, th6 pleased to bestow encorniums upon the excel- whole company (Cadwallader himself inlence of her beauty. Many persons of con- cluded) set out for his father's house, and, in sequence, who had dropped the acquaint- their way, took up Mrs Gauntlet, the mother, ance of Peregrine in the beginning of his who was sincerely rejoiced to see our hero decline, now made open efforts to cultivate in the capacity of her son-in-law. From her his fiiendship anew; but he discouraged all habitation they proceeded homewards at an these advances with the most mortifying dis- easy pace, and, amidst the acclamations of dain; and one day, when the nobleman the whole parish, entered their own house, whom he had formerly obliged came up to where Emilia was received in the most tender hiim in the drawing-room, with the salutation manner by Mr Clover's wife, who had pro. of -" Your servant, MAr Pickle," he eyed him vided every thing for her ease and accommowith a look of ineffable contempt, sayingL,- dation, and, next day, surrendered unto her' I surrose your lordship is mistaken in your the management of her own household affairs. EN-D OF P'REG I EL1~1LVII11 ~ L 1V~t~i T~lE ES OF FERDINAND COUNT OTtOV BY TOBIAS SMOTLLETTI,.XD., 31l ADVENTURES OF FERDINAND COUNT FATHOM. CHAPTER I. ancients as well as moderns, either would not or could not entertain the public with Some sage observations that naturally their own memoirs. From this want of inintroiuce our important history. clination or capacity to write in our hero himself, the undertaking is now left to me CARDINAL DE RETZ very judiciously ob- of transmitting to posterity the remarkable serves, that all historians must of necessity adventures of Ferdinand Count Fathom; be subject to mistakes in explaining the and by the time the reader shall have glanced motives of those actions they record, unless over the subsequent sheets, I doubt not but they derive their intelligence from the candid he will bless God that the adventurer was confession of the person whose character not his own historian. they represent; and that, of consequence, This mirror of modern chivalry was none every man of importance ought to write his of those who owe their dignity to the cirown memoirs, provided he has honesty cumstances of their birth, and are conenough to tell the truth, without suppressing secrated from the cradle for the purposes of any circumstance that may tend to the in- greatness, merely because they are the formation of the reader. This, however, is accidental children of wealth. He was heir a requisite that, I am afraid would be very to no visible patrimony, unless we reckon a rarely found among the number of those who robust constitution, a tolerable appearexhibit their own portraits to the public; in- ance, and an uncommon capacity, as the deed, I will venture to say, that, how upright advantages of inheritance. If the comparisoever a man's intentions may be, he will, in son obtains in this point of consideration, he tilhe performance of such a task, be some- was as much as any man indebted to his pa times misled by his own phantasy, and re- rents; and pity it was, that, in the sequel of present objects, as they appeared to him, his fortune, he never had an opportunity of through the mists of prejudice and passion. manifesting his filial gratitude and regard. An unconcerned reader, when he peruses From this agreeable act of duty to his sire, the history of two competitors who lived and all those tendernesses that are reciprotwo thousand years ago, or who perhaps cally enjoyed betwixt the father and the son, never had existence, except in the imagina- he was unhappily excluded by a small cirtion of the author, cannot help interesting cumstance, at which, however, he was never himself in the dispute, and espousing one heard to repine. In short, had he been side of the contest, with all the zeal of a brought forth in the fabulous ages of the mwarm adherent. What wonder then that world, the nature of his origin might have we should be heated in our own concerns, turned to his account; he might, like other review our actions with the same self-ap- heroes of antiquity, have laid claim to di. probation that they had formerly acquired, vine extraction, without running the risk of and recommend them to the world with all being claimed by any earthly father. Not the enthusiasm of paternal affectionl that his parents had any reason to disown Saopposing this to be the case, it was or renounce their offspring, or that there was lucky for the cause of historical truth that anything preternatural in the circumstances so many pens have been drawn by writers of his generation and birth; on the contrary, who could not be suspected of such partiality; lihe was from the beginning a child of proand that mnany great personages, among the mising' parts, and in due course of nature 371 372 SMOLLETT'S SELECT WVORKS. ushered into the world amidst a whole crowd another clime, and damn an author in des. of witnesses; but that he was acknowledged pite of all precedent and prescription;-who by no mortal sire, solely proceeded from the extol the writings of Petronius Arbiter, read uncertainty of his mother, whose affections with rapture the amorous sallies of Ovid's were so dissipated among a number of ad- pen, and chuckle over the story of Lucian's mirers, that she could never pitch upon the ass: yet, if a modern author presumes to person from whose loins our hero sprung. relate the progress of a simple intrigue, are Over and above this important doubt under shocked at the indecency and immorality which he was begotten, other particularities of the scene;-who delight in following attended his birth, and seemed to mark him Guzman d'Alfarache through all the mazes out as something uncommon among the sons of squalid beggary; who with pleasure acof men. He was brought forth in a wagon, company Don Quixotte and his squire in the and might be said to be literally a native of lowest paths of fortune; who are diverted two different countries; for, though he first with the adventures of Scarron's ragged saw the light in. Holland, he was not born troop of strollers; and highly entertained till after the carriage arrived in Flanders; so with the servile situations. of Gil Blas; yet, that, all these extraordinary circumstances when a character in humble life occasionally considered, the task of determining to what occurs in a performance of our own growth, government he naturally owed allegiance, exclaim with an air of disgust,-" Was would be at least as difficult as that of ascer- ever any thing so mean! sure this writer taining the so-much-contested birth-place of must have been very conversant with the Homer. lowest scenes of life!"-who, when Swift or Certain it is, the count's mother was an Pope represent a coxcomb in the act of Englishwoman, who, after having been five swearing, scruple not to laugh at the riditimes a-widow in one campaign, was, in the culous execrations; but, in a less reputed last year of the renowned Marlborough's author, condemn the use of such profane command, numbered among the baggage of expletives;-who eagerly explore the jokes the allied army, which she still accompanied, of Rabelais for amusement, and even extract through pure benevolence of spirit, supply- humour from the dean's description of a ing the ranks with the refreshing streams lady's dressing room; yet, in a production of choice Geneva, and accommodating in- of these days, unstamped with such veneradividuals with clean linen, as the emergency ble names, will stop their noses, with all the of their occasions required:; nor was her sifgns of loathing and abhorrence, at a bare philanthropy altogether confined to such mention of the china chamber-pot; —who ministration; she abounded with " the milk applauded Catullus, Juvenal, Persius, and of human kindness," which flowed plenti- Lucan, for their spirit in lashing the greatest fully among her fellow-creatures; and to' names of antiquity; yet when a British every son of Mars who cultivated her favour, satirist, of this generation, has courage she liberally dispensed her smiles, in order enough to call in question the talents of a to sweeten the toils and dangers of the field. pseudo-patron in power, accuse him of inAnd here it will not be amiss to anticipate solence, rancour, and scurrility. the remarks of the reader, who, in the If such you be, courteous reader, I say chastity and excellency of his conception, again, have a little patience; for your entermay possibly exclaim,-" Good Heaven! tainment we are about to write. Our hero will these authors never reform their imagi- shall, with all convenient dispatch, be granations, and lift their ideas from the obscene dually sublimed into those splendid connexobjects of low life? Must the public be ions of which you are enamoured; and God again disgusted with the grovelling adven- forbid that, in the mean time, the nature of turers of a wagon Will no writer of his extraction should turn to his prejudice in genius draw his pen in the vindication of a land of freedom like this, where individuals taste, and entertain us with the agreeable are every day ennobled in consequence of characters, the dignified conversation, the their own qualifications, without the least poignant repartee, in short, the genteel retrospective regard to the rank or merit of comedy, of the polite world I" their ancestors. Yes, refined reader, we are Have a little patience, gentle, delicate, hastening to that goal of perfection, where sublime critic; you, I doubt not, are one of satire dares not show her face; where nature those consummate connoisseurs, who, in their is castigated almost even to still life; where? purifications, let humour evaporate, while humour turns changeling, and slavers in an they endeavour to preserve decorum, and insipid grin; where wit is volatilized into a polish wit, until the edge of it is quite worn mere vapour; where decency, divested of all off; or, perhaps, of that class, who, in the substance, hovers about like a fantastic sapience of taste, are disgusted with those shadow; where the salt of genius, escaping, very flavours in the productions of their own leaves nothing put pure and simple phlegm, country, which have yielded infinite delecta- and the inoffensive pen for ever drops the,ion to their faculties when imported from mild manna of soul sweetening praise. DVENTURES OF FERDINAND COUNT FATHiOM. 373 sooner taken possession of her new name than she bestowed it upon her son, who was CHAPTER II. thenceforward distinguished by the appellation of Ferdinand de Fadom; nor was the A superjicial view of our hero's infancy. husband offended at this presumption in his wife, which he not only considered as a proof HAV-IxE thus bespoken the indulgence of of her affection and esteem, but also as a our guests, let us now produce the particulars compliment, by which he might in time acof our entertainment, and speedily conduct quire the credit of being the real father of our adventurer through the stage of infancy, such a hopeful child. which seldom teems with interesting in- Notwithstanding this new engagement cidents. with a foreigner, our hero's mother still exAs tile occupations of his mother would ercised the virtues of her calling among the not conveniently permit her to suckle this English troops; so much was she biassed her first-born at her own breast, and those by that laudable partiality which, as Horace happy ages were now no more in which the observes, the natalesolum generally inspires: charge of nursing a child might be left to the indeed this inclination was enforced by next goat or she-wolf, she resolved to im- another reason, that did not fail to influence prove upon the ordinances of nature, and her conduct in this particular; all her knowfoster him with a juice much more energetic ledge of the High Dutch language consisted than the milk of goat, wolf, or woman: this in some words of traffic absolutely necessary was no other than that delicious nectar, for the practice of her vocation, together with which, as we have already hinted, she so sundry oaths and terms of reproach, that cordially distributed from a small cask that kept her customers in awe; so that, except hung before her, depending from her shoul- among her own countrymen, she could not ders by a leathern zone. Thus determined, indulge that propensity to conversation, for ere he was yet twelve days old, she inclosed which she had been remarkable from her him in a canvas knapsack, which, being ad- earliest years. Nor did this instance of her justed to her neck, fell down upon her back, affection fail of turning to her account in the and balanced the carg'o that rested on her sequel: she was promoted to the office of bosom. cook to a regimental mess of officers; and, There are not wanting those who affirm, before the peace of Utrecht, was actually in that, while her double charge was carried possession of a suttling-tent, pitched for the about in this situation, her keg was furnished accommodation of the gentlemen in the with a long and slender flexible tube, which, army. when the child began to be clamorous, she Meanwhile, Ferdinand improved apace in conveyed into his mouth, and straight he the accomplishments of infancy; his beauty stilled himself with sucking; but this we was conspicuous, and his vigour so uncomconsider as an extravagant assertion of those mon, that he was with justice likened unto who mix the marvellous in all their narra- Hercules in the cradle: the friends of his tions, because we cannot conceive how the father-in-law dandled him on their knees, tender organs of an infant could digest such while lie played with their whiskers, and, a fiery beverage, which never fails to dis- before he was thirteen months old, taught compose the constitutions of the most hardy him to suck brandy impregnated with gunand robust: we therefore conclude, that the powder, through the touch-hole of a pistol. use of this potation was more restrained, At the same time, he was caressed by divers and that it was with simple element diluted sergeants of the British army, who severali v into a composition adapted to his taste and and in secret contemplated hlis qualifications years. Be this as it will, he certainly was with a father's pride, excited by the arttful indulged in the use of it to such a degree as declaration with which the mother had fiatwould have effectually obstructed his future tered each apart. fortune, had not he been happily cloyed with Soon as the war was (for her unhappily) the repetition of the same fare, for which he concluded, she, as in duty bound, followed conceived the utmost detestation and abhor- her husband into Bohemia; and his regiment rence, rejecting it with loathing and disgust, being sent into garrison at Prague, she opened like those choice spirits, who, having been a cabaret in that city, which was fiequented crammed with religion in their childhood, by a good many guests of the Scotch and renounce it in their youth, among other ab- Irish nations, who were devoted to the exersurd prejudices of education. cise of arms in the service of the emperor. While he thus dangled in a state of suspen- It was by this communication that the English sion, a German trooper was transiently smit tongue became vernacular to young Ferdiwith the charms of his mother, who listened nand, who, without such opportunity, would to his honourable addresses, and once more have been a stranger to the language of his received the silken bonds of matrimony; fore-fathers, in spite of all his mother's lothe ceremony having been performed, as quacity and elocution; though, it must be usual, at the drum-head. The lady had no owned, for the credit of her maternal care, 374 SMOLLETT'S SELECT WORKS. that she let slip no occasion of making it her eyes were attracted by the rich attire of familiar to his ear and conception; for, even an Imperial officer, who lay bleeding on the at those intervals in which she could find no plain, to all appearance in the agonies of person to carry on the altercation, she used death. to hold forth in earnest soliloquies upon the She could not in her heart refuse that subject of her own situation, giving vent to favour to a friend and christian she had so many opprobrious invectives against her bus- compassionately bestowed upon so many band's country, between which and Old Eng- enemies and infidels, and therefore drew near land she drew many odious comparisons; with the sovereign remedy, which. she had and prayed without ceasing, that Europe already administered with such success. As might speedily be involved in a general war, she approached this deplorable object of pity, so as that she might have some chance of her ears were surprised with an ejaculation re-enjoying the pleasures and emoluments of in the English tongue, which he fervently a Flanders campaign. pronounced, though with a weak and languid voice, recommending his soul to God, and his family to the protection of Heaven. Our CHAPTER III. amazon's purpose was staggered by this providential incident; the sound of her native He is initiated in a military life, and has language, so unexpectedly heard, and so pathe good fortune to acquire a generous thetically delivered, had a surprising effect patron. upon her imagination; and the faculty of reflection did not forsake her in such emergency. WHILE she wearied Heaven with these pe- Though she could not recollect the features titions, the flame of war broke out betwixt of this unhappy officer, she concluded, fiom the houses of Ottoman and Austria, and the his appearance, that he was some person of emperor sent forth an army into Hungary, distinction in the service, and foresaw greater under the auspices of the renowned Prince advantage to herself in attempting to preEugene. On account of this expedition, the serve his life, than she could possibly reap mother of our hero gave up house-keeping, from the execution of her first resolve. "If;" and cheerfully followed her customers and said she to herself, " I can find means of husband into the field; having first provided conveying him to his tent alive, he cannot herself with store of those commodities in but in conscience acknowledge my humanity which she had formerly merchandized. Al- with some considerable recompense; and, though the hope of profit might in some mea- should he chance to survive his wounds, I sure affect her determination, one of the have every thing to expect from his gratitude chief motives for her visiting the frontiers of and power." Turkey, was the desire of initiating her son Fraught with these prudential suggestions, in the rudiments of his education, which she she drew near the unfortunate stranger, and, now thought high time to inculcate, he being, in a softened accent of pity and condolence, at this period, in the sixth year of his age: questioned him concerning his name, condihe was accordingly conducted to the camp, tion, and the nature of his mischance, at the which she considered as the most consum- same time making a gentle tender of her sernmate school of life, and proposed forthe scene vice. Agreeably surprised to hear himself of his instruction; and in this academy he accosted in such a manner by a person whose had not continued many weeks, when lie was equipage seemed to promise far other designs, an eye-witness of that famous victory, which, he thanked her in the most grateful terms for with sixty thousand mend, the imperial gene- her humanity, with the appellation of kind ral obtained over an army of one hundred countrywoman; gave her to understand that and fifty thousand Turks. he was a colonel of a regiment of horse; that His father-in-law was engaged, and his he had fallen in consequence of a shot he mother would not be idle on this occasion; received in his breast at the beginning of the she was a perfect mistress of all the camp action; and, finally, entreated her to procure qualifications, and thought it a duty incum- some carriage on which he might be removed bent on her to contribute all that lay in her to his tent. Perceiving him faint and expower towards distressing the enemy: with hausted with loss of blood, she raised up his these sentiments she hovered about the skirts head, and treated him with that cordial which of the army, and the troops were no sooner was her constant companion: at that instant, employed in the pursuit, than she began to espying a small body of hussars returning to traverse the field of battle with a poniard and the camp with the plunder they had taken, a bag, in order to consult her own interest, she invoked their assistance, and they forthannoy the foe, and exercise her humanity at with carried the officer to his own quarters, the same time. In short, she had, with where his wound was dressed, and his preamazing prowess, delivered some fifty or server carefully tended him until his recovery threescore disabled Mussulmen of the pain was completed. under which they groaned, and made a com- In return for these good offices, this genOrtable booty of the spoils of the slain, when tleman, who was originally of Scotland, re ADVENTURES OF FERDINAND COUNT FATHOM. 3T7h, warded her for the present with great liberal- with the troops; big with the expectation of ity, assured her of his influence in promoting re-acting that part in which she had formerly her husband, and took upon himself the charge acquitted herself so much to her advantage. of young Ferdinand's education. The boy Nay, she by this time looked upon her own was immediately taken into his protection, presence as a certain omen of success to the and entered as atrooper in his own regiment; cause which she espoused; and, in thei; but his good intentions towards his father- march to battle, actually encouraged the ranks in-law were frustrated'by the death of the with repeated declarations, importing, that German, who, in a few days after this dispo- she had been an eye-witness of ten decisive sition, was shot in the trenches before Temis- engagements, in all of which her friends had waer. been victorious, and imputing such uncomThis e /ent, over and above the conjugal mon good fortune to some supernatural quality affliction with which it invaded the lady's inherent in her person. quiet, would have involved her in infinite WVhether or not this confidence contributed difficulty and distress, with regard to her to the fortune of the day, by inspiring the temporal concerns, by leaving her unprotected soldiers to an uncommon pitch of courage in the midst of strangers, had not she been and resolution, I shall not pretend to deterthus providentially supplied with an effectual mine; but, certain it is, the victory began patron in the colonel, who was known by the from that quarter in which she had posted appellation of Count Melvil. He no sooner herself; and no corps in the army behaved saw her, by the death of her husband, de- with such intrepidity as that which was matached from all personal connexion with a nifested by those who were favoured with military life, than he proposed that she should her admonitions and example; for she not quit her occupation in the camp, and retire only exposed her person to the enemy's fire, to his habitation in the city of Presburg, with the indifference and deliberation of a where she would be entertained in ease and veteran, but she is said to have achieved a plenty during the remaining part of her na- very conspicuous exploit by the prowess of tural life. With all due acknowledgements her single arm: the extremity of the line to of his generosity, she begged to be excused which she had attached herself, being asfrom embracing his proposal, alleging she saulted in flank by a body of the Spahlis, was so much accustomed to her present way wheeled about in order to sustain the charge, of life, and so much devoted to the service and received them with such a seasonable of the soldiery, that she should never be hap- fire, as brought a great number of turbans to py in retirement, while the troops of any the ground; among those who fell, was one of prince in Christendom kept the field. the chiefs, or agas, who had advanced before The count, finding her determined to pro- the rest, with a view to signalize his valour. secnte her scheme, repeated his promise of Our English Penthesilea no sooner saw befriending her upon all occasions; and in this Turkish leader drop, than, struck with the meantime admitted Ferdinand into the the magnificence of his own and horse's number of his domestics, resolving that he trappings, she sprung forward to seize them should be brought up in attendance upon his as her prize, and found the aga not dead, own son, who was a boy of the same age. though in a good measure disabled by his HI-e kept him, however, in his tent, until he misfortune, which was entirely owing to the should have an opportunity of revisiting his weight of his horse, that, having been killed family in person; and, before that occa- by a musket-ball, lay upon his leg, so that sion offered, two whole years elapsed, during he could not disengage himself. Neverthewhich the illustrious prince Eugene gained less, perceiving the virago approach with fell the celebrated battle of Belgrade, and after- intent, he brandished his scimitar, and tried wards made himself master of that important to intimidate his assailant with a most horrifrontier. ble exclamation: but it was not {mle dismal yell of a dismounted cavalier, though enforced with a hideous ferocity of countenance, CHAPTER IV. and the menacing gestures with which hoe waited her approach, that could intimidate His mother's prowess and death; together such an undaunted she-campaigner; she saw with some instances of his own sagacity. him writhing in the agonies of a situation from which he could not move; and, running IT would have been impossible for the mo- towards him with the nimbleness and intre., ther of our adventurer, such as she hath been pidity of a Camilla, described a semicircle in described, to sit quietly in her tent, while the progress of her assault, and, attacking such an heroic scene was acting. She was him on one side, plunged her well tried dag-. no sooner apprised of the general's intention ger in his throat; the shades of death ento attack the enemy, than she, as usual, pack- compassed him, his life-blood issued at the ed up her movables in a wagon, which she wound, he fell prone upon the earth, he bit committed to the care of a peasant in the the dust, and having thrice invoked the name eighbourhood, and put herself in motion of Allah, straight expired. 32 3706 SMOLLETT'S SELECT WORKS. While his destiny wvas thus fulfilled, his in the very instant of discharging her blow, followers began to reel; they seemed dis- received a brace of bullets in her brain. mayed at the fate of their chief, beheld their Thus ended the mortal pilgrimage of this companions drop like the leaves in autumn, modern Amazon, who, in point of courage, and suddenly halted in the midst of their was not inferior to Semiramis, Tomyris, career. The Imperialists, observing the con- Zenobia, Thalestris, or any boasted heroine fusion of the enemy, redoubled their fire; of ancient times. It cannot be supposed and, raising a dreadful shout, advanced in that this catastrophe made a very deep imr. order to improve the advantage they had pression upon the mind of young Ferdinand, gained; the Spahis durst not wait the shock who had just then attained the ninth year of of' such an encounter; they wheeled to the his age, and been for a considerable time right about, and clapping spurs to their horses, weaned from her maternal caresses; espefled in the utmost disorder: This was ac- cially, as he felt no wants nor grievances in tually the circumstance that turned the scale the family of the count, who favoued him of battle: the Austrians pursued their good with a particular share of indulgence, befortune with uncommon impetuosity, and in cause he perceived in him a spirit of docility, a few minutes left the field clear for the mo- insinuation, and sagacity, far above his years. ther of our hero, who was such an adept in He did not, however, fail to lament the un. the art of stripping, that in the twinkling of timely fate of his mother, with such filial an eye the bodies of the aga and his Arabian expressions of sorrow, as still more inlay naked to the skin. It would have been timately recommended him to his patron; happy for her, had she been contented with who, being himself a man of extraordinary these first-fruits, reaped from the fortune of benevolence, looked upon the boy as a the day, and retired with her spoils, which prodigy of natural affection, and foresaw in were not inconsiderable; but, intoxicated his future services a fund of gratitude and with the glory she had won, enticed by the attachment, that could not fail to render glittering caparisons that lay scattered on the him a valuable acquisition to his family. plain, and without doubt prompted by the In his own country he had often seen consecret instinct of her fate, she resolved to nexions of that sort, which having been seize the opportunity by the forelock, and planted in the infancy of the adherent, had once for all indemnify herself for the many grown up to a surprising pitch of fidelity and fatigues, hazards, and sorrows she had under- friendship, that no temptation could bias, and gone. no danger dissolve. He therefore rejoiced Thus determined, she reconnoitred the in the hope of seeing his own son accomfield, and practised her address so success- modated with such a faithful attendant, in the fully, that in less than half an hour she was person of young Fathom, on whom he reloaded with ermine and embroidery, and dis- solved to bestow the same education he had posed to retreat with her burden, when her planned for the other, though conveyed in regards were solicited by a splendid bundle, such a manner as should be suitable to the which she descried at some distance lying on sphere in which he was ordained to move. the ground. This was no other than an un- In consequence of these determinations, our happy officer of hussars; who, after having young adventurer led a very easy life, in had the good fortune to take a Turkish stand- quality of page to the count, in whose tent ard, was desperately wounded in the thigh, he lay upon a pallet, close to his field-bed, and obliged to quit his horse; finding himself and often diverted him with his childish pratin such an helpless condition, he had wrapped tie in the English tongue, which the more his acquisition round his body, that whatever seldom his master had occasion to speak, he might happen, he and his glory should not the more delighted to hear. In the exercise be parted; and thus shrouded among the dy- of his function, the boy was incredibly assiduing and the dead, he had observed the pro- ous and alert; far from neglecting the little gress of our heroine, who stalked about the particulars of his duty, and embarking in the field, like another Atropos, finishing, wher- mischievous amusements of the children beever she came, the' work of death: he did longing to the camp, he was always diligent, not at. all doubt that he himself would be sedate, agreeably officious, and anticipating; visited in the course of her peregrinations, and in the whole of his behaviour seemed to and therefore provided for her reception, with express the most vigilant sense of his patron's a pistol ready cocked in his hand while he goodness and generosity; nay, to such a delay perdue beneath his covert, in all appear- gree had these sentiments, in all appearance, ance bereft of life. He was not deceived in operated upon his reflection, that one mornhis prognostic; she no sooner eyed the golden ing, while he supposed the count asleep, he crescent, than, inflamed with curiosity or crept softly to his bed-side, and, gently kisscupidity, she directed thitherward her steps, ing his hand, which happened to be uncoand discerning the carcass of a man, from vered, pronounced, in a low voice, a most which she thought there would be a necessity fervent prayer in his behalf, beseeching heao. disengaging it, she lifted up her weapon, ven to shower down blessings upon him, as!P evder to make sure of her purchase; and the widow's friend and the orphan's father. ADVENTURES OF FERDINTAND COUNT FATI-HOM. 377 This benediction was not lost upon the count, pared for more important scenes of life than who chanced to be awake, and heard it with any of his ancestors had ever known. admiration: but what riveted Ferdinand in He was not, in all respects, entertained his good graces, was a discovery that our on the footing of his young master; yet he youth made, while his master was upon duty shared in all his education and amusements, in the trenches before Belgrade. as one whom the old gentleman was fully deTwo foot-soldiers, standing sentry near termined to qualifyfor the stationofan officer the door of the tent, were captivated with in the service; and if he did not eat with the sight of some valuable movables belong- the count, he was every day regaled with ing to it; and supposing, in their great wis- choice bits from his table; holding, as it were, dom, that the city of Belgrade was too well a middle place between the rank of a relation fortified to be taken during that campaign, and a favourite domestic. Although his they came to a resolution of withdrawing patron maintained a tutor in the house, to themselves from the severe service of the superintend the conduct of his heir, he comtrenches, by deserting to the enemy, after mitted the charge of his learning to the they should have rifled count Melvil's tent of instructions of a public school; where he imathe furniture, by which they were so power- gined the boy would imbibe a laudable spirit fully allured: the particulars of this plan were of emulation among his fellows, which could concerted in the French language, which, not fail of turning out to the advantage of they imagined, would screen them from all his education. Ferdinand was entered in risk of being detected, in case they should be the same academy; and the two lads prooverheard, though, as there was no living ceeded equally in the paths of erudition; a freature in sight, they had no reason to be- mutual friendship and intimacy soon ensued, eve that any person was privy to their con- and, notwithstanding the levity and caprice,:ersation. Nevertheless, they were mistaken commonly discernible in the behaviour of An both these conjectures. The conference such boys, very few, or rather no quarrels reached the ears of Fathom, weho was at the happened in the course of their communicaother end of the tent, and had perceived the tion. Yet their dispositions were altogether eager looks with which they considered some different, and their talents unlike. Nay, this parts of the furniture: he had penetration dissimilarity was the very bond of their union; enough to suspect their desire, and, alarmed because it prevented that jealousy and rivalby that suspicion, listened attentively to their ship which often interrupts the harmony of discourse, which, from a slender knowledge two warm contemporaries. of the French tongue, he had the good for- The young count made extraordinary protune partly to understand. gress in the exercises of the school, though This important piece of intelligence he he seemed to take very little pains in the communicated to the count at his return, and cultivation of his studies; and became a permeasures were immediately taken to defeat fect hero in all the athletic diversions of their design, and make an example of the his fellow-scholars; but, at the same time, authors, who being permitted to load them- exhibited such a bashful appearance and selves with the booty, were apprehended in uncouth address, that his mother despaired their retreat, and punished with death, ac- of ever seeing him improved into any degree cording to their demerits. of polite behaviour. On the other hand, Fathom, who was in point of learning a mere dunce, became, even in his childhood, reCHAPTER V. markable among the ladies for his genteel deportment and vivacity; they admired the Detail of his education. proficiency he made under the directions of his dancing-master, the air with which he NOTHING could have more seasonably hap- performed his obeisance at his entry and pened, to confirm the good opinion which the exit; and were charmed with the agreeable colonel entertained of Ferdinand's principles; assurance and lively sallies of his conversahis intentions towards the boy grew every day tion; while they expressed the utmost conmore and more warm; and immediately after cern and disgust at the boorish demeanour of the peace of Passarowitz, he retired to his his companion, whose extorted bows resemown house at Presburg, and presented young bled the pawings of a mule, who hung his Fathom to his lady, not only as the son of a head in silence like a detected sheep-stealer, person to whom he owed his life, but also as a who sat in company under the most awkward lad who merited his peculiar protection and expressions of constraint, and whose dis.regard by his own personal virtue. The coun- course never exceeded the simple monosylla tess, who was a Hungarian, received him with bles of negation and assent. great kindness and affability, and her son was In vain did all the females of the family ravished with the prospect of enjoying such a propose to him young Fathom as a pattern companion: in short, fortune seemed to have and reproach: he remained unaltered by all provided for him an asylum, in which he their efforts and expostulations, and allowed mnight be safely trained up, and suitably pre- our adventurer to enjoy the triumph of his 2X 378 S~MOLLETT'S SELECT WORKS. praise, while lie himself was conscious of his names of the boys to whom they belonged, own superiority in those qualifications which the schoolmaster chanced to peruse the verseemed of more real importance than the sion of Ferdinand, before he looked into any mere exteriors and forms of life. His pre- of the rest, and could not help bestowing sent ambition was not to make a figure at upon it particular marks of approbation: the his father's table, but to eclipse his rivals at next that fell under his examination was that school, and to acquire an influence and au- of the young count, when he imrnediatly perthority among these confederates. Never- ceived the sameness, and, far from imputing theless, Fathom might possibly have fallen it to the true cause, upbraided him with havyunder his displeasure or contempt, had not ing copied the exercise of our adventurer, that pliant genius found means to retain his and insisted upon chastising him upon the friendship by seasonable compliances and spot for his want of' application. submission; for the sole study, or at least the Had not the young gentleman thought his chief aim of Ferdinand, was to make himself honour was concerned, he would have subnecessary and agreeable to those on whom mitted to the punishment without murmurhis dependence was placed: his talent was ing;but he inherited, from his parents, the in this particular suited to his inclination; pride of two fierce nations, and being overhe seemed to have inherited it from his mo- whelmed with reproaches for that which he ther's womb; and, without all doubt, would imagined ought to have redounded to his'have raised upon it a most admirable super- glory, he could not brook the indignity, and structure of fortune and applause, had not it boldly affirmed, that he himself was the oribeen inseparably yoked with a most insidious ginal, to whom Ferdinand was beholden for principle of self-love, that grew up with him his performance. The schoolmaster, nettled from the cradle, and left no room in his heart to find himself mistaken in his judgment, refor the least particle of social virtue. This solved that the count should have no cause last, however, he knew so well how to coun- to exult in the discovery he had made, and, terfeit, by means of a large share of ductility like a true flogger, actually whipped him for and dissimulation, that, surely, he was calcu- having allowed Fathom to copy his exercise. lated by nature to dupe even the most cau- Nay, in the hope of vindicating his own penetious, and gratify his appetites, by levying tration, he took an opportunity of questioncontribtitions on all mankind. ing Ferdinand in private concerning the cirSo little are the common instructors of cumstances of the translation, and our hero, youth qualified to judge the capacities of those perceiving his drift, gave him such artful and who are under their tutelage and care, that ambiguous answers, as persuaded him that Fathom, by dint of his insinuating arts, made the young count had acted the part of a shift to pass upon the schoolmaster as a lad plagiary, and that the other had been reof quick parts, in despite of a natural inapti- strained from doing himself justice, by the tude to retain his lessons, which all his consideration of his own dependence. industry could never overcome. In order to This profound director did not fail, in remedy, or rather to cloak this defect in his honour of his own discernment, to whisper understanding, he had always recourse to about the misrepresentation, as an instance the fricndship of the young count, who freely of the young count's insolence, and Fathom's permitted him to transcribe his exercises, humility and good sense. The story was until a small accident happened, which had circulated among the servants, especially the well nigh put a stop to these instances of his maids belonging to the family, whose favour generosity. The adventure, inconsiderable as our hero had acquired by his engaging behait is, we shall record, as the first overt act of viour; and at length it reached the ears of Ferdinand's true character, as well as an il- his patron, who, incensed at his son's prelustration of the opinion we have advanced sumption and inhospitality, called him to a touching the blind and injudicious decisions severe account, when the young gentleman of a right pedagogue. absolutely denied the truth of the allegation, Amnong other tasks imposed by the pedant and appealed to the evidence of Fathom himupon the form to which our two companions self. Our adventurer was accordingly sumbelonged, they were one evening ordered to moned by the father, and encouraged to detranslate a chapter of Cesar's Commentaries. dare the truth, with an assurance of his con Accordingly, the young count went to work, stant protection; upon which Ferdinand very and performed the undertaking with great wisely fell upon his knees; and, while the eleglance and dispatch: Fathom, having spent tears gushed from his eyes, acquitted the the night in more effeminate amusements, young count of the imputation, and expressed was next morning so much hurried for want his apprehension that the report had been of time, that in his transcription he neglected spread by some of his enemies, who wanted to insert a few variations from the text, these to prejudice him in the opinion of his patrc n. being the terms on which he was allowed to The old gentleman was not satisfied of nis use it; so that it was verbatim a copy of the son's integrity by this declaration; being naoriginal. As these exercises were always de- turally of a generous disposition, highly prelivered in a heap, subscribed with the several possessed in favour of the poor orphar and ADVENTURES OF FERDINAND COUNT FATH iM. 379 chag'rined at the unpromising appearance of ing on the surface, imbibed a small tincture his heir, he suspected that Fathom was over- of those different sciences which his master awed by the fear of giving offence, and that, pretended to teach: in short, he resembled notwithstanding what he had said, the case those vagrant swallows that skim along the really stood as it had been represented. In level of some pool or river, without venturing this persuasion, he earnestly exhorted his son to wet one feather in their wings, except in to resist and combat with any impulse he the accidental pursuit of an inconsiderable might feel within himself, tending to selfish- fly. Yet, though his capacity or inclination ness, fraud, or imposition; to encourage was unsuited for studies of this kind, lie did every sentiment of candour and benevolence; not fail to manifest a perfect genius in the and to behave with moderation and affability acquisition of other more profitable arts, to all his fellow-creatures. He laid upon Over and above the accomplishments of him strong injunctions, not without a mixture address, for which he hath been already celeof threats, to consider Fathom as the object brated, he excelled all his fellows in his dexof his peculiar regard; to respect him as the terity at fives and billiards; was altogether son of the count's preserver, as a Briton, a unrivalled in his skill at draughts and backstranger, and, above all, a helpless orphan, gammon; began, even at these years, to unto whom the rights of hospitality were derstand the moves and schemes of chess: doubly due. and made himself a mere adept in the mysSuch admonitions were not lost upon the tery of cards, which he learned in the course youth, who, under the rough husk of his per- of his assiduities and attention to the females sonal exhibition, possessed a large share of of the house. geonerous sensibility; without any formal profissions to his father, he resolved to govern himself according to his remonstrances; and, CHAPTER VI. far from conceiving the least spark of animosity against Fathom, he looked upon the He meditates schemes of importance. poor boy as the innocent cause of his disgrace, and redoubled his kindness towards IT was in these parties that he attracted him, that his honour might never again be the notice and friendship of his patron's called in question upon the same subject. daughter, a girl by two years older than himNothing is more liable to misconstruction self, who was not insensible to his qualificathan an act of uncommon generosity; one tions, and looked upon him with the nmost half of the world mistake the motive, from'favourable eyes of prepossession. Whether want of ideas to conceive an instance of bene- or not he at this period of his life began to ficence that soars so high above the level of project plans for availing himseil of her their own sentiments; and the rest suspect susceptibility, is uncertain; but, without all it of something sinister or selfish, from the doubt, he cultivated her esteem with as obsesuggestions of their own sordid and vicious quious and submissive attention as if he had inclinations.. The young count subjected already formed the design, which, in his adhhirself to such misinterpretation, among vanced age, he attempted to put in execution. th.ose who observed the increased warmth of Divers circumstances conspired to promrite wivility and complaisance in his behaviour to him in the favour of this young lady; thle Ferdinand; they ascribed it to his desire of greenness of his years secured him from any still profiting by our adventurer's superior appearance of fallacious aim; so that he was talents, by which alone they supposed him indulged in frequent opportunities ofconversenabled to maintain any degree of reputation ing with his young mistress, whose paren'4 at school; or to the fear of being convicted encouraged this communication, by which by him of some misdemeanour of which he they hoped she would improve in speaking knew himself guilty. These suspicions the language of her father. Such connexwere not effaced by the conduct of Ferdi- ions naturally produce intimacy and friendnand, who, when examined on the subject, ship. Fathom's person was agreeable, his managed his answers in such a manner as talents calculated for the meridian of those confirmed their conjectures, while he preten- parties, and his manners so engaging, that ded to refute them, and at the same time there would have been no just subject for acquired to himself credit for his extraordi- wonder, had he made an impression UpoIL nary discretion and self-denial. the tender unexperienced heart of AMademnoi.. If he exhibited such a proof of sagacity in selle de Melvil, whose beauty was not so the twelfth year of his age, what might not' attractive as to extinguish his hope, in raisbe expected from his finesse in the maturity ing up a number of formidable rivals; though of his faculties and experience? Thus se- her expectations of fortune were such as cured in the good graces of the whole family, commonly lend additional lustre to personal he saw the days of his puerility glide along merit. in the most agreeable elapse of caresses and All these considerations were so many amusement. He never fairly plunged into steps towards the success of Ferdinand's the stream of school education, but, by float- pretensions; and though he cannot be sup32* 3s0 SMOLLETT'S SELECT WORKS. posed to have perceived them at first, he in with an ironical air, that he was now teo the sequel seemed perfectly well apprised of much of a man to be entertained with suci his advantages, and used them to the full ex- effeminate diversions: but her reproofs wed tent of his faculties. Observing that she pronounced with too much ease and good delighted in nlusic, he betook himself to the humour to be agreeable to our hero, who study of that art, and, by dint of application desired to see her ruffled and chagrined at his and a tolerable ear, learned of himself to ac- absence, and to hear himself rebuked with an company her with a German flute, while she angry affectation of disdain. This elfort, sung and played upon the harpsichord. The therefore, he reinforced with the most capticount, seeinghis inclination, and the progress vating carriage he could assume, in those lie had made, resolved that his capacity hours which he now so sparingly bestowed should not be lost for want of cultivation; and upon his mistress: he regaled her with all the accordingly provided him with a master, by entertaininc stories he could learn or invent, w1inm he was instructed in the principles of particularly such as he thought would justify th!e art, and soon became a proficient in play- and recommend the levelling power of love, ing' upon the violin. that knows no distinctions of fortune. He In the practice of these improvements and sung nothing but tender airs and passionate avaocations, and in attendance upon his young complaints, composed by desponding or desmaster, whom he took care never to disoblige pairing swains; and, to render his perfornatno: neglect, he attained to the age of sixteen, ces of this kind the more pathetic, interlarded wi thout feeling the least abatement in the them with some seasonable sighs, while the f aieadship and generosity of those upon tears, which he had ever at command, stood vwIonm he depended; but, on the contrary, re- collected in either eye. eiaving every day fresh marks of their bounty It was impossible for her to overlook such cud reaard. He had before this time been studied emotions: she in a jocose manner,minnt9 with the ambition of making a conquest taxed him with having lost his heart, rallied o the young lady's heart, and foresaw mani- the excess of his passion, and in a merry fIt3l advantages to himself in becoming son- strain undertook to be an advocate for his in-laiw to Count Melvil, who, he never love. Her behaviour was still wide of his do.bted, would soon be reconciled to the wish and expectation: he thought she \oulld, ritch, if once it could be effectuated without in consequence of her discovery, have be.. hlis lhnowledge. Although he thought he had trayed some interested symptom; that her;'r:it reason to believe that mademoiselle face would have undergone some favourable l)oled upon him with an eye of peculiar suffusion; that her tongue would have falfiy our, his disposition was happily tempered tered, her breast heaved, and her whole dewith an ingredient of caution, that hindered portment betokened internal agitation and oism foml acting with precipitation, and he disorder; in which case, he meant to profit ha.i discerned in the young lady's deportment by the happy impression, and declare himrself, c'raitnsn indications of loftiness and pride, before she could possibly recollect the dictates v;whih kiept him in the utmost vigilance and of her pride. Baffled, however, in his endeacircumspection; for he knew, that, by a pre- yours, by the serenity of the young lady, lra' ture declaration he should run the risk of which he still deemed equivocal, lie had refbot-itinngo all the advantages he had gained, course to another experiment, by which he aud blasting those expectations that now believed he should make a discovery of lher lossomed so gaily in his heart. sentiments beyond all possibility of doubt. Restricted by these reflections, he acted One day, while he accompanied mademoiselle a. a wary distance, and determinedto proceed in her exercise of music, he pretended all lby; t'he method of sap; and, summoning all of a sudden to be taken ill, and counterfeited.:is artifice and attraction to his aid, en- a swoon in her apartment. Surprised at pl'yed them under the insidious cover of this accident, she screamed aloud, but far ror.:)und respect, in order to undermine from running to his assistance, with the thiose bulwarks of haughtiness or discretion, transports and distraction of a lover, she wzinech otherwise might have rendered his ordered her maid, who was present, to supnt:i'oaches to her impracticable. With a port his head, and went in person to call for vi Y to enhance the value of his company, more help; he was accordingly removed to i'ln sound her sentiments at the same time, his own chamber, where, willing to be still ie became more reserved than usual, and more certified of her inclinations, he pro-;eldom engaged in her parties of music and longed the farce, and lay groaning under the coards' yet, in the midst of his reserve, he pretence of a severe fever. clever failed in those demonstrations of reve- The whole family was alarmed upon this rence and regard, which he knew perfectly occasion; for, as we have already observed, well how to express, but devised such ex- he was an universal favourite. He was imcuses for his absence, as she could not help mediately visited by the old count and his atdimitting. In consequence of this affected lady, who expressed the utmost concern at Ihynlless, she more than once gently chid him his distemper, ordered him to be carefully atbfr his neglect and indifference, observing, tended, and sent for a physician without loss ADVENTUHTRES OF FERDINAND COUNT FATH2OM.:11 of time. The younwg gentleman would Fathom. She had in good sooth long sighed scarce stir from his bed-side, where he min- in secret, under the powerful influence of hit istered unto him with all the demonstrations charms, and practised upon him all those of brotherly affection; and miss exhorted him little arts, by which a woman strives to to keep up his spirits, with many express- attract the admiration, and ensnare the heart ions of unreserved sympathy and regard; of a man she loves: but all his faculties were nevertheless, he saw nothing in her beha- employed upon the plan which he had already viour but what might be naturally expected projected; that was the goal of his whole 0fr1om common friendship, and a compassion- attention, to which all his measures tended; ate disposition, and was very much mortified and whether or not he perceived the imat his disappointment. pression he had made upon Teresa, he never XWhether the miscarriage actually affected gave her the least reason to believe he wtas his constitution, or the doctor happened to conscious of his victory, until he found himbe mistaken in his diagnostics, we shall not self baffled in his design upon the heart of pretend to determine; but the patient was cer- her mistress. She therefore persevered in tainly treated secundum artem, and all his her distant attempts to allure him, with the complaints in a little time realized; for the usual coquetries of dress and address; and in physician, like a true graduate, had an eye to the sweet hope of profiting by his susceptithe apothecary in his prescriptions; and such bility, made shift to suppress her feeling's, was the concern and scrupulous care with and keep her passion within bounds, until which our hero was attended, that the orders his supposed danger alarmed her fears, and of the fkculty were performed with the utmost raised such a tumult within her breast, that punctuality. He was blooded, vomited, she could no longer conceal her love, but purged, and blistered, in the usual forms (for gave a loose to her sorrow in the most irnthe physicians of Hungary are generally as moderate expressions of anguish and afflicwell skilled in the arts of their occupation tion, and, while his delirium lasted, behaved as any other leeches under the sun), and with all the agitation of a despairing shepswallowed a whole dispensary of boluses, herdess. draughts, and apozems, by which means he Ferdinand was, or pretended to be, the became fairly delirious in three days, and last person in the family who understood the so untractable, that he could be no longer situation of her thoughts: when he perceived mnanaged according to rule; otherwise, in all her passion, he entered into deliberation likelihood, the world would never have en- with himself, and tasked his reflection and joyed the benefit of these adventures. In foresight, in order to discover how best he shtort, his constitution, though unable to cope might convert this conquest to his own adwith two such formidable antagonists as the vantage. Here, then, that we may neglect doctor and the disease he had conjured up, no opportunity of doing justice to our hero, was no sooner rid of the one, than it easily it will be proper to observe, that howsoever got the better of the other; and though unapt his understandinfg might be to receive F-erdinarnd, after all, found his grand aim and retain the usual culture of the schools, unaccomplished, his malady was productive he was naturally a genius self-taught in point of a consequence, which, though he had not of sagacity and invention. He dived into fbreseen it, he did not fail to convert to his the characters of mankind, with a penetraown use and advantage. tion peculiar to himself, and, had he been admitted as a pupil in any political academy,, would have certainly become one of the CHAPTER VII. ablest statesmen in Europe. Having revolved all the probable conse-'g?,.gTes in partnershilp with a female quences of such a connexion, he determined associate, in, order to put his talents ill to prosecute an amour with the lady whose actioz. affection he had subdued, because he hoped to interest her as an auxiliary in his g'rand WNTiULE he displayed his qualifications in scheme upon mademoiselle, which he did not order to entrap the heart of his young mis- as yet think proper to lay aside; for he was tress, he had unwittingly enslaved Whe affec- not more ambitious in the plan than indetions of her maid. This attendant was also fatigable in the prosecution of it. He knew a favourite of the young lady, and, though it would be impossible to execute his aims her senior by two or three good years at least, upon the count's daughter under the eye of unquestionably her superior in point of per- Teresa, whose natural discernment would bho sonal beauty; she moreover possessed a good whetted with jealousy, and who would watch stock of cunning and discernment, and was his conduct, and thwart his progress, with all furnished by nature with a very amorous the vigilance and spite of a slighted maiden. complexion. These circumstances being' On the other hand, he did not doubt of neing' premiised, the reader will not be surprised to able to bring her over to his interest by the find her smitten by those uncommon qualifica- influence he had already gained, or might tions which we have celebrated in young afterwards acquire, over her passions; in 382 SMOLLETT'S SELECT' WORKS. which case she would effectually espouse his Having thus inflamed her love of pleasure cause, and employ her good offices with her and curiosity, he with great caution hinited mistress in his behalf: besides, he was in- his design upon the young lady's fortune; duced by another motive, which, though and, perceiving her listening with the most secondary, did not fail in this case to have greedy attention, and perfectly ripe for the an effect upon his determination. He looked conspiracy, he disclosed his intention at fhll upon Teresa with the eyes of appetite, which length, assuring her, with the most solemn he longed to gratify; for he was not at all protestations of love and attachment, that, dead to the instigations of the flesh, though could he once make himself legal possessor he had philosophy enough to resist them, of an estate which mademoiselle inherited by when he thought they interfered with his the will of a deceased aunt, his dear Teresa interest. Htere the case was quite different: should reap the happy fruits of his affluence, his desire happened to be upon the side of and wholly engross his time and attention. his advantage, and, therefore, resolving to Such a base declaration our hero would indulge it, he no sooner found himself in a not have ventured to make, had he not imcondition to manage such an adventure, than plicitly believed the damsel was as great a he began to make gradual advances in point latitudinarian as himself in point of morals of warmth and particular complacency to the and principle, and been well assured, that, love-sick maid. though he should be mistaken in her way of IHe first of all thanked her, in the most thinking, so far as to be threatened with a grateful terms, for the concern she had mani- detection of his purpose, he would always fested at his distemper, and the kind services have it in his power to refute her accusation he had received from her during the course as mere calumny, by the character he had of it; he treated her upon all occasions with hitherto maintained and the circumspection unusual affability and regard, assiduously of his future conduct. courted her acquaintance and conversation, He seldom or never erred in his observaand contracted an intimacy that in a little tions on the human heart. Teresa, instead time produced a declaration of love. Al- of disapproving, relished the plan in general, though her heart was too much entendered to with demonstrations of singular satisfaction; hold out against all the forms of assault, far she at once conceived all the advantao'eous firom yielding at discretion, she stood upon consequences of such a scheme, and perhonourable terms with great obstinacy of ceived in it only one flaw, which, however, punctilio, and, while she owned he was mas- she did not think incurable. This defect was ter of her inclinations, gave him to under- no other than a sufficient bond of union, by stand, with a peremptory and resolute air, which they might be effectually tied down to that he should never make a conquest of her their mutual interest. She fobresaw, that, in7 virtue; observing, that, if the passion he pro- case Ferdinand should obtain possession of fessed Wvas genuine, he would not scruple to the prize, he might with great ease deny give such a proof of it as would at once con- their contract, and disavow her claim of parvince her of his sincerity: and that he could ticipation. She therefore demanded security, have no just cause to refuse her that satisfac- and proposed, as a preliminary of the agreetion, she being his equal in point of birth and ment, that he should privately take her to situation; for, if he was the companion and wife, with a view to dispel all her apprehenfavourite of the young count, she was the sions of his inconstancy or deceit, as such a friend and confidant of mademoiselle. previous engagoement would be a check upon He acknowledged the strength of her argu- his behaviour, and keep him strictly to the ment, and that her condescension was greater letter of their contract. than his deserts, but objected against the He could not help subscribing to the rightproposal, as infinitely prejudicial to the for- eousness of this proposal, which, neverthetunes of them both. He represented the state less, he would have willingly waved, on the of dependence in which they mutually stood; supposition that they could not possibly he their utter incapacity to support one another joined in the bands of wedlock with such under the consequences of a precipitate secrecy as the nature of the case absolutely match, clandestinely made, without the con- required. This would have been a difficulty sent and concurrence of their patrons: he soon removed, had the scene of the transacdisplayed, with great eloquence, all those tion been laid in the metropolis of Eo'la-ild, gay expectations they had reason to enter- where passengers are plied in the streets by tain, from that eminent degree of favour clergymen, who prostitute their characters which they had already secured in the family; and conscience for hire, in defiance of all and set forth, in the most alluring colours, decency and law; but in the kingdom of those enchanting scenes of,pleasure they Hungary, ecclesiastics are more scrupulous might enjoy in each other, without that dis- in the exercise of their function, and the agreeable consciousness of a nuptial chain, objection was, or supposed to be, altogether provided she would be his associate in the insurmountable; so that they were fain to execution of a plan which he had projected have recourse to an expedient, with which, for their reciprocal convenience. after some hesitation, our she-adventurer was ADVENTURES OF FERDINAND COUNT FATHOM. 883 satisfied. They joined hands in the sight of with insidious conversation, tenamng to in[leaven, which they called to witness, and to spire her with the love of guilty pleasure, to judge the sincerity of their vows; and en- debauch her sentiments, and confound her gaged, in a voluntary oath, to confirm their ideas of dignity and virtue. After all, the union by the sanction of the church, when- task is not difficult to lead the unpractised ever a convenient opportunity for so doing heart astray by dint of those opportunities should occur. her seducer possessed. The seeds of insinuaThe scruples of Teresa being thus re- tion seasonably sown upon the warm luxumoved, she admitted Ferdinand to the privi- riant soil ofyouth, could hardly fail ofshootin5g leges of a husband, which he enjoyed in up into such intemperate desires as he wanted stolen interviews, and readily undertook to to produce, especially when cultured and exert her whole power in promoting his suit cherished in her unguarded hours by that with her young mistress, because she anw stimulating discourse which familiarity ad considered his interest as inseparably con- mits, and the looser passions, ingrafted in nected with her own. burely nothing could every breast, are apt to relish and excuse. re more absurd or preposterous than the Fathom had previously reconnoitred the articles of this covenant, which she insisted ground, and discovered some marks of inflarn upon with such inflexibility. How could she inability in mademoiselle's constitution; her. suppose that her pretended lover would be beauty was not such as to engage her in thoso restrained by an oath, when the very occa- gaieties of amusement which could flatter sion of incurring it was an intention to act in her vanity and dissipate her ideas: and shl violation of all laws humane and divine? and was of an age when the little loves and'young yet such ridiculous conjuration is commonly desires take possession of the fancy; he there. the cement of every conspiracy, how dark, fore concluded, that she had the more leisure how treacherous, how impious, soever it may to indulge those enticing images of pleasure be: a certain sign that there are some re- that youth never fails to create, particularly mains of religion left in the human mind, in those who, like her, were addicted to solieven after every moral sentiment hath aban- tude and study. doned it; and that the most execrable ruffian Teresa, full fraught with the wily injunefinds means to quiet the suggestions of his tions of her confederate, took the field, and conscience by some reversionary hope of opened the campaign with such remarkable heaven's forgiveness. sourness in her aspect when Ferdinand appeared, that her young lady could not help taking notice of her affected chagrin, and CHAPTER VIII. asked the reason of such apparent alteration in her way of thinking. Prepared for this'heir first attempt; with a digression question, the other replied, in a manner calwhich some readers may think imper- culatedforgiving mademoiselletounderstand, tinent. that, whatever impressions Ferdinand might have formerly made on her heart, they were BE this as it will, our lovers, though real now altogether effaced by the pride and in-. voluptuaries, amidst the first transports of solence with which he had received her adtheir enjoyment, did not neglect the great vances; and that her breast now glowed with political aim of their conjunction. Teresa's all the revenge of a slighted lover. bed-chamber, to which our hero constantly To evince the sincerity of this declaration, repaired at midnight, was the scene of their she bitterly inveighed against him, and even deliberations; and there it was determined affected to depreciate those talents in which that the damsel, in order to avoid suspicion, she knew his chief merit to consist, hoping, should feign herself irritated at the indiffer- by these means, to interest mademoiselle's ence of Ferdinand, her passion for whom was candour in his defence. So far the trailn by this time no secret in the family; and succeeded; that young lady's love for truth that, with a view to countenance this alecta- was offended at the calumnies that were tion, he shozuld upon all occasions treat her vented against Ferdinand in his absence. with an air of loftiness and disdain. She chid her woman for the rancour of her So screened from all imputation of fraud, remarks, and undertook to refute the articles she was fuirnished by him with artful instruc- of his dispraise. Teresa supported her ownl tions how to sound the inclinations of her assertions with great obstinacy, and a dispute young mistress, how to recommend his per- ensued, in which her mistress was heated son and qualifications by the sure methods into some extravagant commendations of our of contradiction, comparisons, revilings, and adventurer. reproach; how to watch the paroxysms of His supposed enemy did not fail to make her disposition, inflamie her passions, and a report of her success, and to magnify every improve for his advantage those moments of advantage they had gained, believing, in good frailty, from which no woman is exempted. earnest, that her ladv's warnmth was the effect In short, this consummate politician taught of- real passion for the fortunate MJr Fathom, his agent to poison the young lady's mind but he himself viewed the adventure in a dif S84 SMOLLETT'S SELECT WORKS.1 ferent light, and rightly imputed the violence which the gentleman who had formerly treatof mademoiselle's behaviour to the contra- ed the book with such disrespect now prodiction she had sustained from her maid, or fessed himself its passionate admirer, and to the fire of her natural generosity glowing held forth in praise of it with great warmth in behalf of innocence traduced. Neverthe- and elocution. less, he was perfectly well pleased with the Not contented with having exhibited this nature of the contest, because, in the course instance of regard, he next morning sent a of such debates, he foresaw that he should message to the owner, importing, that he become habitually her hero, and that in time had but superficially glanced over the manushe would actually believe those exaggera- script, and desiring the favour of perusing it tions of his merit which she herself had feign- a second time; being indulged in this request, ed, for the honour of her own arguments. he recommended it in terms of rapture to all This presage, founded upon that principle Ilis fi ends and dependents, and by dint of oit self-respect without which no individual unw6aried solicitation, procured a very ample exists, may certainly be justified by manifold subscription for the author. occurrences in life; we ourselves have known But to resume the thread of our story:a very pregnant example, which we shall Teresa's practices were not confined to simrelate, for the emolument of the reader. A ple defamation; her reproaches were concertain needy author having found means to trived so as to imply some intelligence in eresent a manuscript to one of those sons of favour of the person she reviled. In exemfortune who are dignified with the appellation plifying his pertness and arrogance, she reof patrons, instead of reaping that applause peated his witty repartee; on pretence of and advantage with which he had regaled his blaming his ferocity, she recounted proofs of fancy, had the mortification to find his per- his spirit and prowess; and, in explaining the formance treated with infinite irreverence source of his vanity, gave her mistress to and contempt: and, in high dudgeon and dis- understand, that a certain young lady of fashappointment, appealed to the judgment of ion was said to be enamoured of his person. another critic, who, he knew, had no venera- Nor did this well-instructed understrapper tion for the first. omit those other parts of her cue which the This common consolation, to which all principal judged necessary for the furtherance baffled authors have recourse, was productive of his scheme. Her conversation became of' very happy consequences to our bard; for, less guarded, and took a freer turn than usual; though the opinions of both judges concern- she seized all opportunities of introducing ing the piece were altogether the same, the little amorous stories, the greatest part of latter, either out of compassion to the appel- which were invented for the purposes of lant, or desire of rendering his rival ridicu- warming her passions, and lowering the price lous in the eye of taste, undertook to repair of chastity in her esteem; for she represented the misfortune, and in this manner executed all the young ladies, contemporaries in point the plan; in a meeting of literati, to which of age and situation, as so many sensualists, both these wits belonged, he who had espoused who, without scruple, indulged themselves in L;Q poet's cause, having previously desired the stolen pleasures of youth. another member to bring his composition on Meanwhile Ferdinand seconded these elthe carpet, no sooner heard it mentioned, deavours with his whole industry and address: than he began to censure it with flagrant he redoubled, if possible, his deference and marks of scorn, and, with an ironical air, respect, whetting his assiduity to the keenest looking at its first condemner, observed, that edge of attention; and, in short, regulated he must be furiously infected with the rage his dress, conversation, and deportment, acoi patronizing, who could take such a de- cording to the fancy, turn, and prevailing plorable performance into his protection. humour, of his young mistress. He snoreThe sarcasm took effect. over attempted to profit by her curiosity, The person against whom it was levelled which he knew to be truly feminine; * taking umbrage at his presumption, assumed having culled from the library of his patron an aspect of disdain, and replied, with great certain dangerous books, calculated to deanimosity, that nothing was more easily sup- bauch the minds of young people, left them ported than the character of a Zoilus, be- occasionally upon the table in his apartment, cause no production was altogether free from after having directed Teresa to pick them up, blemishes, and any man might pronounce as if by accident, in his absence, and carry against any piece by the lump, without in- them off for the entertainment of madeteresting his own discernment; but to per- moiselle; nay, this crafty projector found ceive the beauties of a work, it was requisite means to furnish his associate with some misto have learning, judgment, and taste; and chievous preparations, which were mingled in therefore he did not wonder that the gentle- her chocolate, tea, or coffee, as provocations man had overlooked a great many in the to warm her constitution; yet all these macomposition which he so contemptuously chinations, ingenious as they were, failed descried. A rejoinder succeeded this reply, not only in fulfilling their aim, but even in and produced a long train of altercation, in shaking the foundations of her virtue or pride, ADVENTURES OF FERDINAND COUNT FATI-HOI. 38, which stood their assaults unmoved, like a disappointed in his conjecture. The first strong tower built upon a rock, impregnable person who chanced to pass that way, was to all the tempestuous blasts of heaven. one of the chambermaids, with whom Teresa Not but that the conspirators were more had lived for some time in a state of invetethan once mistaken in the effects of their rate enmity, because the wench had failed ill artifices, and disposed to applaud themselves that homage and respect which was paid to on the progress they had made. When at her by the rest of the servants. any time she expressed a desire to examine Ferdinand had in his heart espoused the those performances which were laid before quarrel of' his associate, and longed for an her as snares to entrap her chastity, they occasion to deliver her from the malicious attributed that, which was no other than cu- observance of such an antagonist: when he, riosity, to a looseness of sentiment; and when therefore, saw her approach, his heart throbshe discovered no aversion to hear those bed with joyful expectations; but, when she anecdotes concerning the frailty of her neigh- snatched up the purse, and thrust it into her bours, they imputed to abatement of chastity bosom, with all the eagerness and confusion that satisfaction which was the result of self' of one determined to appropriate the windfall congratulation on her own superior virtue. to her own use, his transports were altogeSo far did the treacherous accomplice of ther unspeakable. He traced her to her own Fathom presume upon these misconstrue- apartment, whither she immediately retreated tions, that she at length divested her tongue with great trepidation, and then communiof all restraint, and behaved in such a man- cated the discovery to Teresa, together with ner, that the young lady, confounded and instructions how to behave in the sequel. incensed at her indecency and impudence, In conformity with these lessons, she took rebuked her with great severity, and com- the first opportunity of going to mademoiselle manded her to reform her discourse, on pain and demanding money for some necessary of being dismissed with disgrace from her expense, that the loss might be kmhown before service. the finder could have leisure to make any fresh conveyance of the prize; and, in the mean time, Ferdinand kept a strict eye upon CHAPTER IX. the motions of the chambermaid. The young lady, having rummaged her pockets in vain, The confederates change their battery, and expressed some surprise at the loss of her achieve a remarkable adventure. purse, upon which her attendant gave indications of extreme amazement and concern; THUNDERSTRUICK at this disappointment, the she said it could not possibly be lost; enconfederates held a council, in order to de- treated her to search her escritoir, while she liberate upon the next measures that should herself ran about the room, prying into every be taken; and Ferdinand, for the present, corner, with all the symptoms of fear and despairing of accomplishing his grand aim, distraction. Having made this unsuccessful resolved to profit in another manner, by the inquiry, she pretended to shed a flood of tears, conveniency of his situation. He represented bewailing her own fate, in being near the to his help-mate, that it would be prudent for person of any lady who met with such a misthem to make hay while the sun shone, as fortune, by which, she observed, her charactheir connexion might be sooner or later dis- ter might be called in question: she produced covered, and an end put to all those oppor- her own keys, and begged, upon her knees, tunities which they now so happily enjoyed. that her chamber and boxes might be searched All principles of morality had been already without delay. excluded from their former plan; consequently In a word, she demeaned herself so artfully lie found it an easy task to interest Teresa upon this occasion, that her mistress, xwho in any other scheme tending to their mutual never entertained the least doubt of her inadvantage, howsoever wicked and perfidious tegrit;, now looked upon her as a miracle of it might be. He therefore persuaded her to fidelity and attachment, and was at infinite be his auxiliary in defrauding mademoiselle pains to console her for the accident which at play, and gave her suitable directions for had happened; protesting that, for her own that purpose; and even tutored her how to part, the loss of the money should never abuse the trust reposed in her, by embezzling affect her with a moment's uneasiness, if she the young lady's effects, without incurring could retrieve a certain medal which sLhe had the suspicion of dishonesty. long kept in her purse as a remembrance of' On the supposition that every servant in her deceased aunt, from whom she received, the house was not able to resist such tempta- it in a present. tion, the purse of her mistress (to which the Fathom entered accidentally, in the midst maid had always access) was dropped in a of this well-acted scene, and, percelvmin the, passage which the domestics had occasion to agitation of the maid, and the concern of the frequent, and Fathom posted himself in a mistress, desired, in a respectful manner, to convenient place, in order to observe the know the cause of their disorder. Before effect of his stratagem. Here he was not the young lady had time to make him ac. 2Y 386 STIOLLETT'S SELECT WORKIs quainted with the circumstances of the case, deal ingenuously, sie should hlave no cause his accomplice exclaimed, in an affected pass- to repent of her confession. So saying, she ion,-" Mr Fathom, my lady has lost her desired our adventurer to tale the trouble of purse; and as no persons in the -family are so calling up some of the men-servants; upon much about her as you and I, you must give which the conscious criminal began to tremme leave, in my own justification, to insist ble, and, falling upon her knees, acknowupon mademoiselle's ordering the apartments ledged her guilt, and implored the forgiveness oif us both to be searched without loss oftime; of her young mistress. here are my pockliets and my keys, and you Teresa, seizing this occasion to signalize cannot scruple to give her the same satisfac- her generosity, joined in the request, and the tion; for innocence has nothing to fear." offender was pardoned, after having restored Miss Melvil reprimanded her sharply for the purse, and promised, in the sight of 1eaher unmannerly zeal; and Ferdinand, eyeing vyen, that the devil should never again entice her with a look of disdain, —" M'ladam," sai'd her to the commission of such a crime. he, "i approve of your proposal; but, before This adventure fully answered all the purI undergo such mortification, I would advise poses of our politician; it established the mademoiselle to subject the two chamber- opinion of his fellow-labourer's virtue, bemaids to such inquiry; as they also have ac- yond the power of accident or information to cess to the apartments, and are, I apprehend, shake, and set up a rifse beacon to mislead as likely as you or I to behave in such a the sentiments of mademoiselle, in case she scandalous manner." should for the future meet with the like misThe young lady declared that she was too fortune. well satisfied of Teresa's honesty and Ferdinand's honour, to harbour the least suspicion of either, and that she would sooner die than CHAPTER Xo disgrace them so far as to comply with the proposal the former had made; but as she They procevd to levy contributions with saw no reason for exempting inferior ser- great success, until our hero sets out with vants fromn that examination which Fathom the young count for Vienna, where he advised, she would forthwith put it in execu- enters into league with another advention. The chambermaids being accordingly turer. summoned, she calmly asked if either of them lead accidentally found the purse she UNDER this secure cover, Teresa levied had dropped'l and both replying in the nega- contributions upon her mistress with great tive, she assumed an air of severity and deter- success. Some trinket was missing every mrination, and demanding their keys, threat- day; the young lady's patience began to fail: ened to examine their trunks on the instant. the faithful attendant was overwhelmed with The guilty Abigail, who, though an Hun- consternation, and with the appearance of garian, was not inferior, in point of effron- extreme chagrin, demanded her dismission, tery, to any one of the sisterhood in England, affirming that these things were certainly no sooner heard this menace, than she effected by some person in the family, with affected an air of affronted innocence, a view of murdering her precious reputation. thanked God she had lived in many reputable Miss Melvil, not without difficulty, quieted families, and been trusted with untold gold, her vexation with assurances of inviolable but was never before suspected of theft; that confidence and esteem, until a pair of diamond the other maid might do as she should think ear-rings vanished, when Teresa could no proper, and be mean-spirited enough to let longer keep her affliction within bounds. her things be tumbled topsy-turvy and ex- Indeed this was ail event of more conseo posed; but, for her own part, if she should be quence than all the rest which had happened, used in that inhuman and disgraceful man- for the jewels were valued at five hundred ner, she would not stay another hour in the florins. house; and in conclusion said, that mademoi- iiMademoiselle was accordingly alarmed Zo selle had more reason to look sharp after such a degree, that she made her mother ac-. those who enjoyed the greatest share of her quainted with her loss, and that good lady, favour, than believe their malicious insinua- who was an excellent economist, did not fail tions aogainst innocent people, whom they to give indications of extraordinary concern. were well known to hate and defame. She asked if her daughter had reason to This declaration, implying an hint to the suspect any individual in the family, and if prejudice of Teresa, far from diverting Miss she was perfectly confident of her own woMelvil from her purpose, served only to en- man's integrity' Upon which mademoiselle, ihatce the character of the accused in her with many encomiums on the fidelity and opinion, and to confirm her suspicion of the attachment of Teresa, recounted the advenaccuser, of whom she again demanded her ture of the chambermaid, who immediately keys, protesting that, should she prove re- underwent a strict inquiry, and was even fiactory, thle count himself should take cog- committed to prison, on the strength of her naizance of the afnair, whereas, if she would former misdemeanour. Our adventurer's ADVENT JRES OF FERDINAND COUNT FATHOM. 387 mate insisted upon undei going the same trial Such a favourable introduction could not with the rest of the dom -stics, and as usual fail of being advantageous to a youth of Fercomprehended Fathom in her insinuations; dinand's specious accomplishments; for he while he seconded the proposal, and privately was considered as the young count's comcounselled the old lady to introduce Teresa panion, admitted into his parties, and included to the magistrate of the place. By these in all the entertainments to which Renaldo preconcerted recriminations, they escaped was invited. He soon distinguished himself all suspicion of collusion. After a fruitless by his activity and address, in the course of inquiry, the prisoner was discharged from her those exercises that were taught at the acaconfinem ent, and turned out of the service demy of which he was pupil; his manners of the count, in whose private opinion the were so engaging as to attract the acquaintcharacter of no person suffered so much as ance of his fellow-students, and his converthat of his own son, whom he suspected of sation being sprightly and inoffensive, grew having embezzled the jewels for the use of into very great request; in a word, he and a certain inamorata, who, at that time, was the young count formed a remarkable consaid to have captivated his affections. trast, which, in the eye of the world, The old gentleman felt upon this occasion redounded to his advantage. all that internal anguish which a man of They were certainly, in all respects, the honour may be supposed to suffer, on account reverse of each other. Renaldo, under a of a son's degeneracy; and, without divulg- total defect of exterior cultivation, possessed ing his sentiments, or even hinting his a most excellent understanding, with every suspicions to the youth himself, determined virtue that dignifies the human heart; while to detach him at once from such dangerous the other, beneath a most agreeable outside, connexions, by sending him forthwith to Vi- with an inaptitude and aversion to letters, enna, on pretence of finishing his exercises concealed an amazing fund of villainy and at the academy, and ushering him into ac- ingratitude. Hitherto his observation hadl quaintance with the great world. Though been confined to a narrow sphere, and hisl he would not be thought by the young gen- reflections, though surprisingly just and tleman himself to harbour the least doubt of acute, had not attained to that maturity which his morals, he did not scruple to unbosom age and experience give; but now, his perhimself on that subject to Ferdinand, whose ceptions began to be more distinct, and exsagacity and virtue he held in great venera- tended to a thousand objects which hadnever tion. This indulgent patron expressed him- before come under his cognizance. self in the most pathetic terms, on the unto- He had formerly imagined, but was now ward disposition of his son; he told Fathom, fully persuaded, that the sons of men preyed that he should accompany Renaldo (that was upon one another, and such was the end and the youth's name) not only as a companion, condition of their being. Among the prinbut a preceptor and pattern; conjured him cipal figures of life, he observed few or no to assist his tutor in superintending his con- characters that did not bear a strong analogy duct, and to reinforce the governor's precepts to the savage tyrants of the wood. One by his own example; to inculcate upon him resembled a tiger in fury and rapaciousness; the most delicate punctilios of honour, and a second prowled about like an hungry wolf, decoy him into extravagance, rather than seeking whom he might devour; a third acted leave the least illiberal sentiment in his heart. the part of a jackal, in beating the bush for Our crafty adventurer, with demonstra- game to his voracious employer; and a fourth tions of the utmost sensibility, acknowledged imitated the wily fox, in practising a thouthe great goodness of the count in reposing sand crafty ambuscades for the destruction such confidence in his integrity: which, as he of the ignorant and unwary. This last was observed, none but the worst of villains could the department of life for which he found abuse; and fervently wished that he might no himself best qualified by nature and inclinalonger exist, than he should continue to re- tion; and he accordingly resolved that his member and resent the obligations he owed talent should not rust in his possession. He to his kind benefactor. While preparations was already pretty well versed in all the were making for their departure, our hero sciences of play; but he had every day occaheld a council with his associate, whom he sion to see these arts carried to such a surenriched with many sage instructions touch- prising pitch of finesse and dexterity, as ing her future operations; he at the same time discouraged him from building his schemes disburdened her of all or the greatest part of on that foundation. the spoils she had won, and after having re- He therefore determined to fascinate the ceived divers marks of bounty from the count judgment, rather than the eyes of his fellowand his lady, together with a purse from his creatures, by a continual exercise of that young mistress, he set out for Vienna in the gift of deceiving, with which he knew himeighteenth year of his age, with Renaldo and self endued to an unrivalled degree; and to his governor, who were provided with letters acquire unbounded influence with those who of recommendation to some of the count's might be subservient to his interest, by an friends belonging to the imperial court.. t assiduous application to theirprevailing pass 33 388 SMOLLETT'S SELECT W~ORKS. ions. Not that play was altogether left out the booty which you so unjustly got; otherin the projection of his economy: though he wise I expect you will meet me upon the engaged himself very little in the executive ramparts, near the bastion de la Port Neuve, part of gaming, he had not been long in to-morrow morning at day-break, in order to Vienna, when he entered into league with a justify, with your sword, the finesse you have genius of that kind, whom he distinguished practised upon the friend of among the pupils of the academy, and who "FERDINAND DE FATHOM." indeed had taken up his habitation in that The gamester no sooner received this inplace with a view to pillage the provincials timation, than, according to the plan which on their first arrival in town, before. they had been preconcerted betwixt the author could be armed with proper circumspection and him, he went to the apartment of Reto preserve their money, or have time to naldo, and presenting the sum of money dispose of it in any other shape. which he had defrauded him of the preceding Similar characters naturally attract each night, told him, with a stern countenance, other, and people of our hero's principles that though it was a just acquisition, he are, of all others, the most apt to distinguish scorned to avail himself of his good fortune their own likeness wheresoever it occurs; against any person who entertained the because they always keep the faculty of smallest doubt of his honour. discerning in full exertion. It was in con- The young count, surprised at this address, sequence of this mutual alertness, that Ferdi- rejected his offer with disdain, and desired to nand and the stranger, who was a native of know the meaning of such an unexpected Tyrol, perceived themselves reflected in the declaration. Upon which the other produced dispositions of each other, and immediately Ferdinand's billet, and threatened, in very entered into an offensive and defensive alli- high terms, to meet the stripling according ance; our adventurer undertaking for the to his invitation, and chastise him severely articles of intelligence, countenance, and for his presumption. The consequence of counsel, and his associate charging himself this explanation is obvious. Renaldo, imwith the risk of execution. puting the officiousness of Fathom to the zeal of his friendship, interposed in the quarrel, which was amicably compromised, not a CHAPTER XI. little to the honour of our adventurer, who thus obtained an opportunity of displaying FcEthom makes various efforts in the world his courage and integrity, without the least of gallantry. hazard to his person; while, at the same time, his confederate recommended himself THiUs connected, they began to hunt in cou- to the esteem of the young count by his ples; and Fathom, in order to profit by the spirited behaviour on this occasion; so that alliance with a good grace, contrived a small Renaldo being less shy of his company fibr scheme that succeeded to his wish. Renaldo the future, the Tyrolese had the fairer opbeing one night intoxicated in the course of portunities to prosecute his designs upon the a merry-making with his fellow-pupils, from young gentleman's purse. which Fathom had purposely absented him- It would be almost superfluous to say, that self, was by the Tyrolese so artfully provoked these were not neglected. The son of Count to play, that he could not resist the tempta- Melvil was not deficient in point of penetration, but engaged at pass-dice with that fell tion: but his whole study was at that time adversary, who, in less than an hour, stripped engrossed by the care of his education, and hil of a pretty round sum. Next day, when he had sometimes recourse to play as to an th-e young gentleman recovered the use of amusement by which he sought to unbend his recollection, he was sensibly chagrined at the severity of his attention; no wonder, the folly and precipitation of his own conduct, then, that he fell a prey to an artful gamester, an account of which he communicated in who had been regularly trained to the proconfidence to our hero, with demonstrations fession, and made it the sole study of his of Infinite shame and concern. life; especially as the Hungarian was reFerdinand having moralized upon the sub- markable for a warmth of temper, which a ject with great sagacity, and sharply in- knight of the post always knows how to eiglied against the Tyrolese, for the unfair manage for his own advantage. advantage he had taken, retired to his closet, In the course of these operations, Fathom ani. wrote the following billet, which was was a very usefiul correspondent; he instructimrmediately sent to his ally.. ed the Tyrolese in the peculiarities of ReThe obligations I owe, and the attach- naldo's disposition, and made him acquainted ments I feel to the Count de Melvil, will not with the proper seasons for profiting by his suffer me to be an idle spectator of the dexterity. Ferdinand, for example, who, by wrongs offered to his son, in the dishonour- the authority derived to him from the injuncable use, I understand, you made last night tions of the old count, sometimes took upon of his unguarded hours; I therefore insist himself the office of' an adviser, cunningly p-Yon your making immediate restitution of chose to counsel the son at those conjunctures ADEA"TI ENT`iURES OF FERDINANTI) COUNT FATIH1OM. 389 when he knew him least able to bear such rmained, and resolved to translate into an expostulation. Advice improperly adminis- humbler sphere that gallantry which he had tered generally acts in diametrical opposition no longer opportunities of displaying in the to the purpose for which it is supposed to be world of rank and fashion. given; at least this was the case with the young gentleman, who, inflamed by the reproof of such a tutor, used to obey the dic- CHAPTER XII. tates of his resentment, in an immediate repetition of that conduct which our adventurer He efects a lodgement in the house of a had taken the liberty to disapprove; and the rich jeweller. gamester was always at hand to minister unto his indignation. By these means he IN consequence of this determination, he was disincumbered of divers considerable re- to the uttermost exerted his good humour mittances, with which his father cheerfully among the few friends of consequence his supplied him, on the supposition that they fortune had left, and even carried his comwere spent with taste and liberality, under plaisance so far, as to become the humble the direction of our adventurer. servant of their pleasures, while he attempted But Ferdinand's views were not confined to extend his acquaintance in an inferior path to the narrow field of this alliance; he at- of life, where he thought his talents would tempted divers enterprises in the world of shine more conspicuous than at the assemgallantry, conscious of his own personal blies of the great, and conduce more effecqualifications, and never doubting that he tually to the interest of all his designs. could insinuate himself into the good graces Nor did he find himself disappointed in of some married lady about court, or lay an that expectation, sanguine as it was. Hle opulent dowaoer under contribution. Buthe soon found means to be introduced to the met with an obstacle in his endeavours of house of a wealthy bourgeois, where every this kind, which all his art was unable to individual was charmed with his easy air and surmount. This was no other than the ob- extraordinary qualifications. He accommoscurity of his birth, and the want of a title, dated himself surprisingly to the humours of without which no person in that country lays the whole family; smoked tobacco, swallowned claim to the privileges of a gentleman. Had wine, and discoursed of stones with the hgts lie foreseen this inconvenience, he might have band, who was a rich jeweller; sacrificed made shift to obviate the consequences, by himself to the pride and loquacity of the wrfe, obtaining permission to appear in the cha- and played upon the violin, and sung alterracter of the count's kinsman: though, in all nately, for the amusement of his only daunhprobability, such an expedientwould not have ter, a buxom lass, nearly of his own age, the been extremely agreeable to the old gentle- fruit of a former marriage. man, who was very tenacious of the honour It was not long before Ferdinand had reaof his family; nevertheless, his generosity son to congratulate himself on the footing he might have been prevailed upon to indulge had gained in this society. He had expected Fathom with such a pretext, in consideration to find, and in a little time actually discovered, of the youth's supposed attachment, and the that mutual jealousy and rancour which alobligations for which he deemed himself in- most always subsist between a daughter and debted to his deceased mother. her stepdame, inflamed with all the virulence True it is, Ferdinand, upon his first arrival of female emulation; for the disparity in their at Vienna, had been admitted into fashionable ages served only to render them the more company, on the footing of Renaldo's com- inveterate rivals in the desire of captivatingv panion, because nobody suspected the defect the other sex. Our adventurer, having deof his pedigree; and even after a report had liberated upon the means of converting this been circulated to the prejudice of his extrac- animosity to his own advantage, saw no metion, by the industry of a lacquey who attend- thod for this purpose so feasible, as that of ed the young count, there were not wanting making his approaches to the hearts of both, many young people of distinction who still by ministering to each, in private, food for favoured himn with their countenance and their reciprocal envy and malevolence; becorrespondence; but he was no longer invited cause he well knew, that no road lies so dito private families, in which only he could rect and open to a woman's heart, as that of expect to profit by his address among the la- gratifying her passions of vanity and resentdies, and had the mortification of finding him- ment. self fi-equently excepted from parties which When he had an opportunity of being 2parwere expressly calculated for the entertain- ticular with the mother, he expressed his conment of the young count. Luckily, his spirit cern for having unwittingly incurred the dis-,vas so pliant as to sustain these slights with- pleasure of mademoiselle, which, he observed, out being much dejected; instead of repining was obvious in every circumstance of her beat the loss of that respect which had been haviour towards him; protesting, lie was utpaid to him at first, he endeavoured, with all terly innocent of all intention of ofndingil his might, to preserve the little that still re- her; and that he could not account for his 390 SMOLLETT'S SELECT W1TORPKS. disgrace any other way, than by supposing difficult to divine the cause of such estraanged she took umbrage at the direction of his chief looks. T his remark was accompanied with regards towards her mother-in-law, which, an irresistible glance: she smiled enchanting, he owned, was altogether involuntary, being the colour deepened on her cheeks, her breast wholly influenced by that lady's superior began to heave, and her whole frame under. charms and politeness. went a most agreeable confusion. Such a declaration was perfectly well cal- Ferdinand was not a man to let such a faculated for the meridian of a dame like her, vourable conjuncture pass unregarded. "Yes, who, with all the intoxications of unenlight- charming Wilhelmina!" exclaimed the poliened pride, and an increased appetite for tician in an affected rapture, " the cause is as pleasure, had begun to find herself neglected, conspicuous as your attractions. She hath, and even to believe that her attractions were in spite of all my circumspection, perceived actually on the wane. She very graciously that passion which it is not in my power to consoled our gallant for the mishap of which conceal, and in consequence of which I now he complained, representing Wilhelmina declare myself your devoted adorer; or, con(that was the daughter's name) as a pert, scious of your superior excellence, her jeailliterate, envious baggagfe, of whose disgust lousy hath taken the alarm, and, though stunog he ought to make no consideration; then she with conjecture only, repines at the triumph recounted many instances of her own gene- of your perfections. How far this spirit of rosity to that young lady, with the returns malignity may be inflamed to my prejudice, of Inalice and ingratitude she had made; and, I know not; perhaps, as this is the first, it lastly, enumerated all the imperfections of may be also the last opportunity I shall have her person, education and behaviour; that of avowing the dearest sentiments of my he might see with what justice the gypsy heart to the fair object that inspired themr pretended to vie with those who had been in a word, I may be for ever excluded forom distinguished by the approbation and even your presence. Excuse me, then, divine gallantry of the best people in Vienna. creature! from the practice of those unneHaving thus established himself her con- cessary forms, which I should take pride in fidant and gossip, he knew his next step of observing, were I indulged with the ordinary prormotion would necessarily be to the degree privileges of an honourable lover; and, once of her lover; and, in that belief, resolved to for all, accept the homage of an heart overplay the same game with Mademoiselle Wil- flowing with love and admiration. Yes, adorhelmina, whose complexion was very much able Wilhelmina! I am dazzled with your akin to that of her step-mother; indeed they supernatural beauty; your other accomplishresembled each other too much to live upon ments strike me with wonder and awe. I any terms of friendship or even decorum. am enchanted by the graces of your deportFathom, in order to enjoy a private conversa- ment, ravished with the charms of your contion with the young lady, never failed to re- versation: and there is a certain tenderness peat his visit every afternoon, till at length of benevolence in that endearing aspect, he had the pleasure of finding her disengaged, which, I trust, will not fail to melt with symthe jeweller being occupied among his work- pathy at the emotions of a faithful slave men, and his wife gone to assist at a lying-in. like me." Our adventurer and the daughter had al- Sosaying, he threw himself upon his knees, ready exchanged their vows, by the express- and, seizing her plump hand, pressed it to ive language of the eyes: he had even his lips with all the violence of real transdeclared himself in some tender ejaculations port. The nymph, whose passions nature which had been softly whispered in her ear, had filled to the brim, could not hear such a when he could snatch an opportunity of vent- rhapsody unmoved: being an utter stranger ing them unperceived; nay, he had up-on di- to addresses of this kind, she understood vers occasions gently squeezed her fair hand, every word of it in the literal acceptation; on pretence of tuning her harpsichord, and she believed implicitly in the truth of the been favoured with returns of the same cor- encomiums he had bestowed, and thollo1h it dial pressure; so that, instead of accosting reasonable he should be rewarded for the jusiher with the fearful hesitation and reserve of tice he had done to her qualifications, which a timid swain, he told her, after the exercise had hitherto been almost altogether overof the doux-yeux, that he was come to con- looked: in short, her'heart began to thaw, fer with her upon a subject that nearly con- and her face to hang out the flag of capitulacerned her peace; and asked if she had not tion; which was no sooner perceived by our observed of late an evident abatement of hero, than lie renewed his attack withl refriendship in her mother's behaviour to him, doubled fervour, pronouncing, in a most whom she had formerly treated with such vehement tone,-" Light ofmy eyes, and emmarks of favour and respect. Mademoiselle press of my soul! behold me prostrate at your would not pay so ill a compliment to her own feet, waiting, with the most pious resignadiscernment as to say she had not perceived tion, for that sentence from your lips, on the alteration, whichl, on the contrary, she which my fiuture happiness or misery must vmwned was extremely palpable; nor was it altooetler depend. Not witl. more reverence ADVENTURES OF FERDINAIND COUNT FATI-H)OM. does the unhappy bashaw hiss the sultan's than his solemn profession of sincerity ant letter that contains his doom, than I will sub- truth, on which she reposed herself with the mnit to your fatal determination. Speak, then, most implicit confidence and faith. angelic sweetness! for never, ah! never will I rise from this suppliant posture, until I am encouraged to live and hope. No! if you CHAPTER XTII. refuse to smile upon my passion, here shall I breathe the last sighs of a despairing lover: 1H is exposed to a most perilous incidl-Cnt here shall this faithful sword do the last office in the course of his Istrig,-ue with the to its unfortunate master, and shed the blood daughter. of the truest heart that ever felt the cruel pangs of disappointed love." HE was rejoiced to find her so easily satisfied The young lady, well nigh overcome by in such a momentous concern: for the printhis effusion, which brought the tears into her cipal aim of the intrigue was to make her eyes,-" Enough, enough," cried she, inter- necessary to his interested views, and even, rupting him, "sure you men were created for if possible, an associate in the fraudulent the ruin of our sex." " Ruin!" re-echoed Fa- plans he had projected upon her father; conthom, "talk not of ruin and Wilhelmina! let sequently, he considered this relaxation in these terms be for ever parted, far as the east her virtue as an happy omen of his future and west asunder! let ever-smiling peace at- success. All the obstacles to their mutual tend her steps, and love and joy still wanton enjoyment being thus removed, our advenin her train! Ruin, indeed, shall wait upon turer was by his mistress indulged with an her enemies, if such there be, and those love- assignation in her own chamber, which, lorn wretches who pine with anguish under though contiguous to that of her stepmother, sler disdain: grant me, kind Heaven, a more was provided with a door that opened into a propitious boon: direct her genial regards to common staircase, to which he had access one whose love is without example, and whose at all hours of the nicght. constancy is unparalleled: bear witness to He did not neglect the rendezvous, but, my constancy and faith, ye verdant hills, ye presenting himself at the appointed time, fertile plains, ye shady groves, ye purling which was midnight, made the signal they streams; and if I prove untrue, ah! let me had agreed upon, and was immediately adnever find a solitary willow or a bubbling mitted by ViTilhelmina, who waited for him brook, by help of which I may be enabled to with a lover's impatience. Fathom was not put a period to my wretched life." deficient in those expressions of rapture thai Here this excellent actor began to sob are current on such occasions; but, on the most piteously, and the tender-hearted Wil- contrary, became so loud in the transp)orts helmina, unable longer to withstand his of self-congratulation, that his voice reached moving tale, with a repetition of the inter- the ears of the vigilant stepmother, who, jection, ah! gently dropped into his arms. wakening the jeweller from his first nap, This was the beginning of a correspondence gave him to understand tlhat some person that soon rose to a very interesting pitch; was certainly in close conversation with his and they forthwith concerted measures for daughter; and exhorted him to rise forthcarrying it on without the knowledge or with, and vindicate the honour of his.family. suspicion of her mother-in-law. Neverthe- The German, who was naturally of a less, the young lady, vanquished as she was, phlegmatic habit, and never wvent to bed and unskilled in the ways of men, would not without a fuiil dose of the creature, vwhich all at once yield at discretion; but insisted added to his constitutional drowsiness, gave upon those terms, without which no woman's no ear to his wife's intimation, until she had reputation can be secured. Our lover, far repeated it thrice, and used other means to from seeking to evade the proposal, assented rouse him from the arms of slumber. Mleanto it in terms of uncommon satisfaction, and while Fathom and his inamorata overheard promised to use his whole industry in findino her information, and our hero would have a priest upon whose discretion they could made his retreat immediately, throug'h the rely; nay, he certainly resolved to comply port by which he entered, had not his intenwith her request in good earnest, rather than tion been over-ruled by the rremonstrances forfeit the advantages which he foresaw in of the young lady, who observed, that the their union. THis good fortune, however, door was already fast bolted, and could not exempted him from the necessity of taking possibly be opened without creating a noise such a step, which at best must have been that would confirm the suspicion of her disagreeable: for so many difficulties occur- parents; and that, over and above this obred in the inquiry which was set on foot, and jection, he would, in sallying fiom that dooi, so artfully did Fathom in the mean time run the risk of being met by her father, who manage the influence he had already gained in all probability would present himself b&. over her heart, that, before her passion could fore it., in order to hinder our hero's escape: obtain a legal gratification, she surrendered she therefore conveyed him softly into her to his wish, without any other assurance closet, where she assured him he might re33, SMOLLETT'S SELECT WTORKS. nain with great tranquillity, in full confi- ter's petulance, the mother's malice, together dence that she would take such measures as with his own precipitation, by which he was would effectually screen him from detection. involved in an adventure so pregnant with - le was fain to depend upon her assurance, danger and disgrace. Indeed, the reader and accordingly insconced himself behind may easily conceive his disorder, when he ner dressing table: but he could not help heard the key turning in the lock, and the sweating with apprehension, and praying' German swearing that he would make him fervently to God for his deliverance, when he food for the beasts of the field and the fowls heard the jeweller thundering at the door, of the air. and calling to his daughter for admittance. Fathom had come unprepared with weaVWilhelmrnina, who was already undressed, pons of defence, was naturally an economist and had purposely extinguished the light, of his person, and saw himself on the brink pretended to be suddenly waked from her of forfeiting not only the promised harvest sleep, and, starting up, exclaimed, in a tone of his double intrigue, but also the reputation of surprise and affrioght, —" Jesu, Maria: what of a man of honour, upon which all his future is the matter?" " Hussey!" replied the Ger- hopes depended: his agony was therefore mnan, in a terrible accent, " open the door unspeakable, when the door flew open, and this instant, there is a man in your bed- it was not till after a considerable pause of chamber, and, by the lightning and thunder! recollection, that he perceived the candle I will wash away the stain he has cast upon extinguished by the motion of the air promy honour with the schellum's heart's-blood." duced from the German's sudden irruption. Not at all intimidated by this boisterous This accident, which disconcerted him so threat, she admitted him without hesitation, much as to put a full stop to his charge, was and, with a shrillness of voice peculiar to very favourable to our hero, who, summoning herself, began to hold forth upon her own all his presence of mind, crept up into the innocence, and his unjust suspicion, min- chimney, while the jeweller stood at the gling in her harangue sundry oblique hints door, waiting for his wife's return with anagainst her mother-in-law, importing, that other light; so that, when the closet was some people were so vitiously inclined by examined, there was nothing found to justify their own natures, that she did not wonder the report which the step-mother had made, at their doubting the virtue of other people; and the father, after having made a slight but that these people despised the insinua- apology to XWilhelmina for his intrusion, retions of such people, who ought to be more tired with his yoke-fellow into their own circumspect in their own conduct, lest they chamber. themselves should suffer reprisals from those The young lady, who little thought that people whom they had so maliciously slan- her papa would have taken her at her word, dered. Having uttered these flowers of was overwhelmed with confusion and dismay, rhetoric, which were calculated for the hear- when she saw him enter the closet; and, ing of her step-dame, who stood with a light had her lover been discovered, would in all at her husband's back, the young lady as- probability have been the loudest in his resumed an ironical air, and admonished her proach, and perhaps have accused him of an father to search every corner of her apart- intention to rob the house; but she was altoment; she even affected to assist his inquiry; gether astonished when she found he had with her own hands pulled out a parcel of made shift to elude the inquiry of her parents, small drawers in which her trinkets were because she could not conceive the possibility contained; desired him to look into her of his escaping by the window, which was in needle-case and thimble, and, seeing his the third story, at a prodigious distance from examination fruitless, earnestly entreated the ground; and how he could conceal himhimn to rummage her closet also, saying, self in the apartment, was a mystery which with a sneer, that in all probability the dis- she could by no means unfold. Before her hionourer would be found in that lurking- fither and mother retired, she lighted her place. The manner in which she pretended lamp, on pretence of being afraid to be in the to ridicule his apprehensions made an im- dark, kfter the perturbation of spirits she had pression upon the jeweller, who was very undergone, and her room was no sooner evawell disposed to retreat into his own nest, cuated of such troublesome visitants, than when his wife, with a certain slyness in her she secured the doors, and went in quest ot countenance, besought him to comply with her lover. his daughter's request, and look into that Accordingly, every corner of the closet same closet, by which means Wilhelmina's underwent a new search, and she called upon virtue would obtain a complete triumph. his name with a soft voice, which she thought Our adventurer, who overheard the con- no other person would overhear: but Ferdiversation, was immediately seized with a nand did not think proper to gratify her impalsy of fear: he trembled at every joint, the patience, because he could not judge of the sweat trickled down his forehead, his teeth predicament in which he stood by the evibegan to chatter, his hair to stand on end, dence of all his senses, and would not relin. smad he in his heart bitterly cursed the daugh- quish his post, until he should be better cer ADVENTURES OF FERDINAND COUNT FATHOM. 393 tified that the coast was clear. Meanwhile, his Dulcinea, having performed her inquiry CHAPTEER XIV. to no purpose, imagined there was something' preternatural in the circumstance of his van- He is reduced to a dreadful dilemma, in ishing so unaccountably, and began to cross consequence of an assignation with the herself with great devotion. She returned wife. to her chamber, fixed the lamp in the fireplace, and, throwing herself upon the bed, NOR was his whole care and attention engave way to the suggestions of her supersti- grossed by the execution of this scheme upon tion, which were reinforced by the silence the daughter. While he managed his conthat prevailed, and the gloomy glimmering cerns in that quarter with incredible ardour of the light. She reflected upon the trespass and application, he was not the less indeshe had already committed in her heart, and fatigable in the prosecution of his design in the conjectures of her fear believed that upon the mother-in-law, which he forwarded her lover was no other than the devil himself, with all his art during the opportunities he who had assumed the appearance of Fathom, enjoyed in the ab'sence of WVilhelmina, who in order to tempt and seduce her virtue. was frequently called away by the domestic While her imagination teemed with those duties of the house. The passions of the horrible ideas, our adventurer concluding, jeweller's wife were in such a state of exaltafrom the general stillness, that the jeweller tion as exempted our hero from the repulses and his wife were at last happily asleep, ven- and fatigue attending a long siege. tured to come forth firom his hiding-place, We have already observed how cunningly and stood before his mistress all begrimed he catered for the gratification of her ruling with soot. Wilhelmina, lifting up her eyes, appetite, and have exhibited pregnant proofs and seeing this sable apparition, which she of his ability in gaining upon the human heart; mistook for Satan in propria persona, in- the reader will not therefore be surprised at stantly screamed, and began to repeat her the rapidity of his conquests over the affecpater-noster with an audible voice; upon tions of a lady whose complexion was perwhich Ferdinand, foreseeing that her pa- fectly amorous, and whose vanity laid her rents would be again alarmed, would not stay open to all the attempts of adulation. In a to undeceive her and explain himself, but, word, matters were quickly broughat to such unlocking the door with great expedition, a mutual understanding, that one evening, ran down stairs, and luckily accomplished while they amused themselves at lansquenet, his escape. This was undoubtedly the wisest Fathom conjured her to give him the rendezmeasure he could have taken: for, he had vous next day at the house of any third pernot performed one half of his descent towards son of her own sex, in whose discretion she the street, when the German was at his could confide; and, after a few affected scrudaughter's bed-side, demanding to know the ples on her side, which he well knew how to cause of her exclamation: she then gave him surmount, she complied with his request, an account of what she had seen, with all and the circumstances of the appointment the exaggerations of her own fancy, and, were settled accordingly. After this treaty, after having weighed the circumstances of their satisfaction rose to sulch a warmth, and her story, he interpreted the apparition into the conversation became so reciprocally ena thief, who had found means to open the dearing, that our gallant expressed his imnpadoor that communicated with the stair, but tience of waiting so longfor the accomplishhaving been scared by Wilhelminags shriek, ment of his wishes, and, with the most eagoer had been obliged to retreat before he could transport, begged she would, if possible, curexecute his purpose. tail the term of his expectation, that his brain Our hero's spirits were so wofully disturbed might not suffer by his standing so many by this adventure, that for a whole week he tedious hours on the giddy verge of rapture. felt no inclination to visit his inamorata, and The dame, who was naturally compassionwas not without apprehension that the affair ate, sympathized with his condition, and, had terminated in an explanation very little unable to resist b;, pathetic supplications, to his advantage. He was, however, deliv- gave him to understand that his desire could ered from this disagreeable suspense, by an not be granted, without subjecting them both accidental meeting with the jeweller himself, to some hazard, but that she was disposed to who kindly chid him for his long absence, run any risk in behalf of his happiness and and entertained him in the street, with an peace. After tlis affectionate preamble, she account of the alarm which his family had told him that her husband was then engage d sustained by a thief who broke into TVilhel- in a quarterly meeting of the jewellers, from mina's apartment. Glad to find his appre- whence he never failed to return quite overhension mistaken, he renewed his corres- whelmed with wine, tobacco, and the phlegm pondence with the family, and in alittle time of his own constitution; so that he would found reason to console himself for the jeo- fall fast asleep as soon as his head should padly and panic he had undergone. touch the pillow, and she be at liberty to en. 2 Z 39C4 SMOLLETT'S SELECT ~WVORKS. tertain the lover without interruption, pro- be undressed and put to bed by his wife, he vided he could find means to deceive the answered all her gentle admonitions and jealous vigilance of Willelrnina, and conceal caresses with the most opprobrious invectives himself in some corner of the house, unsus- and obstreperous behaviour; and, though he pected and unperceived. did not tax her with infidelity to his bed, he Our lover, remembering his adventure with virulently accused her of extravagance and the daugtter, would ha ve willingly dispensed want of economy; observed, her expensive with this expedient, and began to repent of way of living would bring him to a morsel of the eagerness with x hich he had preferred bread; and, unfortunately recollecting the his solicitation; but, seeing there was now attempt of the supposed thief, started up from no opportunity of ietracting with honour, he his chair, swearing by God's mother that he affected to enter heartily into the conversa- would forthwith arm himself with a brace of tion, and, after much canvassing, it was de- pistols, and search every apartment of the termined, that, while Wilhelmina was erm- house. " That press," said he, with great ployed in the kitchen, the mother should vociferation, "may, for aught I know, be the conduct our adventurer to the outward door, receptacle of some ruffian." where he should pay the compliment of part- So saying, he approached the arkl in which it, so as to be overheard by the young lady; Fathom was embarked, and exclaiming,but, in the mean time, glide softly into the " Come forth, Satan," applied his foot to the jeweller's bed-chamber, which was a place door of it, with such violence as threw him they imagined least liable to the effects of a from the centre of gravity, and laid himi daughter's prying disposition, and conceal sprawling on his back. This address made himself in a large press or wardrobe, that such an impression upon our adventurer, that stood in one corner of the apartment. The he had well nigh obeyed the summons, and scene was immediately acted with great suc- burst from his concealment, in a desperate cess, and our hero cooped up in his cage, effort to escape, without being recognized by where he waited so long, that his desires the intoxicated German, and indeed, lhad the began to subside, and his imagination to ag- application been repeated, he in all likelihood gray ate the danger of his situation. would have tried the experiment; for by this S' Suppose," said lie to himself, "this brutal time his terrors had waxed too strong to be German, instead of being stupified with wine, much longer suppressed; from this hLazardshould come home inflamed with brandy, to ous enterprise he was however exempted by the use of which he is sometimes addicted, a lucky accident that happened to his disfar from feeling any inclination to sleep he turber, whose head chancing to pitch upon will labour under the most fretful anxiety of the corner of a chair in his fall, he was inwatching: every irascible particle in his dis- mediately lulled into a trance, during which position will be exasperated; he will be of- the considerate lady, guessing the disorder fended with every object that may present of her gallant, and dreading further interitself to his view; and, if there is the least ruption, very prudently released him from ingredient of jealousy in his temper, it will his confinement, after she had put out the manifest itself in riot and rage. What if light, and in the dark conveyed him to the his fienzy should prompt him to search his door, where he was comforted with the prowife's chamber for gallants 1 this would cer- Inise that she would punctually remember tainly be the first place to which he would the rendezvous of next day. direct his inquiry; or, granting this suppo- She then invoked the assistance of the sersition chimerical, I may be seized with an vants, who, being waked for the purpose, irresistible inclination to cough, before he is lifted up their master, and tumbled him into oppressed with sleep; he may be waked by bed, while Ferdinand hied him home in an the noise I shall make in disengaging myself universal sweat, blessing himself from any from this embarrassed situation; and, finally, future achievement of that sort, in a house I fmay find it impracticable to retire unseen where he had been twice in such imminent or unheard, after every thing else shall have danger of life and reputation. Nevertheless, succeeded to my wish." he did not fail to honour the assignation, and These suggestions did not at all contribute avail himself of the disposition his mistress to the quiet of our adventurer, who, having manifested, to make him all the recompense waited three whole hours in the most uncom- in her power for the disappointment and fortable suspense, heard the jeweller brought chagrin which he had undergone. into the room in that very condition which his fears had prognosticated. He had, it seems, quarrelled over his cups with another CHAPTER XV. tradesman, and received a salutation on the forehead with a candlestick, which not only But at lengrrth succeeds in his attempt upon left an ignominious and painful mark upon both. his countenance, but even disordered his brain to a very dangerors degree of delirium,; HAVING thus gained a complete victory over Po that, instead of allowing himself quietly to the affections of these two ladies, he began ADVENTURES OF FERDINAND COUNT FATHOM. 305 to convert his good fortune to the purposes other punishment than that of discarding him of that principle, from which his view was from his favour and protection; a misfortune never, no not for a moment, detached. In which, how grievous soever it might be, he other words, he used them as ministers and should be able to sustain with fortitude, could purveyors to his avarice and fiaud. As for he fall upon some method of satisfying the the mother-in-law, she was of herself so lib- Tyrolese, who was very importunate and eral as to anticipate the wishes of any mode- savage in his demand. His kind mistress no rate adventurer, and presented him with sooner found out the source of his inquietude, sundry valuable jewels, as memorials of her than she promised to dry it up, assuring him, esteem; nor was the daughter backward in that next day, at the same hour, she would such expressions of regard: she already con- enable him to discharge the debt; so that he sidered his interest as her own, and took might set his heart at ease, and recollect that frequent opportunities of secreting, for his ben- gaiety which was the soul of her enjoyment. efit, certain stray trinkets that she happened He expressed the utmost astonishment at to pick up in her excursions within doors. this generous proffer, which, however, he All these gratifications he received with declined, with an affected earnestness of redemonstrations of infinite constraint and re- fusal, protesting, that he should be extremely luctance, and in the midst of his rapacious mortified, if he thought she looked upon himr extortion, acted so cunningly as to impose as one of those mercenary gallants who could himself upon both for a miracle of disinter- make such a sordid use of a lady's affection. ested integrity. Yet, not contented with "No, madam," cried our politician in a pawhat lie thus could earn, and despairing of thetic strain, "whatever happens, I shall being able to steer the bark of his fortune for never part with that internal consolation, any length of time between two such danger- that conscious honour never fails to yield in ous quicksands, he resolved to profit by the the deepest scenes of solitary distress; the occasion while it lasted, and strike some attachment I have the honour to profess for considerable stroke at once. A plan was your amiable person, is not founded on such formed in consequence of this determination, inglorious motives, but is the genuine result and, at an appointment with the mother in of that generous passion which none but the the house of their female friend, our adven- noble-minded feel; and the only circumstance turer appeared with an air of dejection, which of this misfortune that I dread to encounter, he veiled with a thin cover of forced plea- is the necessity of withdrawing myself for santry, that his mistress might suppose he ever from the presence of her whose genial endeavoured to conceal some mortal chagrin smiles could animate my soul against all the that preyed upon his heart. persecution of adverse fortune." The stratagem succeeded to his wish: she This declamation, accompanied with a observed his countenance between whiles profound sigh, served only to inflame her overcast; took notice ofthe involuntary sighs desire of extricating him fiom the difficulty ne heaved; and with a most tender express- in which he was involved. She exhausted ion of sympathy, conjured him to make her all her eloquence in attempting to persuade acquainted with the cause of his affliction. him that his refusal was an outrage against Instead of gratifying her request immediately, her affection: he pretended to refute her he evaded her questions with a respectful arguments, and remained unshaken by ah reserve, implying, that his love would not the power of her solicitations, until she had supir him to make her a partner in his sor- recourse to the mostpassionate remonstrances row; and this delicacy on his part whetted of love, and fell at his feet in the posture of her impatience and concern to such a degree, a forlorn shepherdess. What he refused to that, rather than keep her in such an agony her reason, lie granted to her tears, because of doubt and apprehension, lie was prevailed his heart was melted by her affliction; and upon to tell her, that he had been, the pre- next day condescended to accept of her ceding night, engaged with a company of money, out of pure regard to her happiness his fellow-students, where he had made too and peace. free with the champagne, so that his caution Encouraged by the success of this achieveforsook him, and he had been decoyed into ment, he resolved to practise the same explay by a Tyrolese gamester, who stripped periment upon Wilhelmina, in hope of extracthim of all his ready money, and obtained ing an equal share ofprofit from her simplicity fiom him an obligation for two hundred and attachment, and at their very next nocflorins, which he could not possibly pay with- turnal rendezvous in her chamber, re-acted out having recourse to his relation, the Count the farce already rehearsed, with a small de IMelvil, who would have just cause to variation, which he thought necessary to be incensed at his extravagance. stimulate the young lady in his behalf. He This information he concluded, by declar- rightly concluded, that she was by no means ing. that, cost what it would, he was resolved mistress of such a considerable sum as he to make a candid confession of the truth, had already extorted from her mother, and and throw himself entirely upon the gene- therefore thought proper to represent. himself rosity of his patron, who could inflict no in the most urgent predicament, that her 39% $~SMOLLETT'S SELECT WORKS. apprehension, on his account, might be so knight of Malta, who soon after perished in alarmed as to engage her in some enterprise a sea engagement with the enemies of our for his advantage, which otherwise she would faith, so that it became the property of our never have dreamed of undertaking. With house, and was bequeathed to me by the old this view, after having described his own gentleman, as a memorial of his particular calamitous situation, in consequence of her affection. Upon whom can I more properly pressing entreaties, which he affected to bestow it than him who is already master of evade, he gave her to understand, that there my heart! Receive it, therefore, from the was no person upon earth to whom he would bearer of this billet, and convert it, without have recourse in this emergency; for which scruple, to that use which shall be most conreason he was determined to rid himself of ducive to your ease and satisfaction; nor all his cares at once, upon the friendly point seek, from a too romantic notion of honour, of his own faithful sword. which I know you entertain, to excuse yourSuch a dreadful resolution could not fail to self from accepting this testimony of my afoperate upon the tender passions of his Dul- fection: for I have already sworn before an cinea; she was instantly seized with an agony image of our blessed lady, that I will no of fear and distraction; her grief manifested longer own you as the sovereign of my heart, itself in a flood of tears, while she hung round nor even indulge you with another interview, his neck, conjuring him, in the most melting if you reject this mark of tenderness and conterms, by their mutual love, in which they cern from your ever faithful had been so happy, to lay aside that fatal "WILHETIiMINA." determination, which would infallibly involve The heart of our adventurer began to her in the same fate; for, she took Heaven bound with joy when he surveyed the conto witness, that she would not one moment tents of this letter, and his eyes sparkled survive the knowledge of his death. with transport at sight of the chain, which HEe was not deficient in expressions of re- he immediately perceived to be worth twice ciprocal regard; he extolled her love and the sum she had mentioned. Nevertheless, tenderness with a most extravagant eulogium, he would not avail himself, without further and seemed wrung with mortal anguish at question, of her generosity; but, that same the prospect of parting for ever from his lovely night, repairing to her apartment at the ~W/ilhelmina; but his honour was a stern and usual hour of meeting, he prostrated himself rigid creditor, that could not be appeased, before her, and counterfeiting extreme agitaexcept with his blood; and all the boon she tion of spirit, begged in the most urgent could obtain, by dint of the most woful sup- terms, not even unaccompanied with tears, plication, was a promise to defer the execu- that she would take back the present, which tion of his baleful purpose for the space of he tendered for her acceptance, and spare four-and-twenty hours, during which she him the most insufferable mortification of hoped Heaven would compassionate her suf- thinking himself exposed to the imputation ferings, and inspire her with some contriv- of being mercenary in his love. Such, lihe ance for their mutual relief. Thus he yielded said, was the delicacy of his passion, that he to her fervent request, rather with a view to could not possibly exist under the appreliencalm the present transports of her sorrow, sion of incurring a censure so unworthy of than with any expectation of seeing himself his sentiments; and he would a thousand redeemed from his fate by her interposition; times sooner undergo the persecution of his such at least were his professions when he rancorous creditor, than bear the thought of took his leave, assuring her, that he would being in the smallest consideration lessened not quit his being before he should have de- in her esteem: nay, so far did he carry his voted a few hours to another interview with pretensions to punctilio, as to protest, that, the dear object of his love. should she refuse to quiet the scruples of his Having thus kindled the train, he did not honour on this score, her unyielding benedoubt that the mine of his craft would take ficence would serve only to hasten the exeeffect, and repaired to his own lodging, in cution of his determined purpose, to withfull persuasion of seeing his aim accomplished draw himself at once from a life of vanity before the time fixed for their last assigna- and misfortune. tion. His prognostic was next morning The more pathetically he pleaded for her verified by the arrival of a messenger, who compliance, the more strenuously did she rebrought to him a small parcel, to which was sist his remonstrances. She advanced all cemented, with sealing-wax, the following the arguments her reason, love, and terror, epistle- could suggest; reminded him of her oath, " JEWEL OF MY SOUL!-Scarce had you from which he could not suppose she would last night quitted my disconsolate arms, recede, whatever the consequence might be; when I happily recollected that there was in and in conclusion vowed to heaven, with my possession a gold chain, of value more great solemnity and devotion, that she would than sufficient to answer the exigence of your not survive the news of his death. Thus the present occasions; it was pledged to my alternative she offered was either to retain grandfather for two hundred crowns by a the chain and be happy in her affection, or ADVENTURES OF FERDINAND COUNT FATHOM. 397 forfeit all title to her love, and die in the for the occasion, which she forthwith put in conviction of having brought his innocent execution. mistress to an untimely grave.'With an air of uncommon cheerfulness, His fortitude was not proof against this purposely assumed, she retired to her closet, last consideration, " My savage honour," on pretence of complying with his desire, said lie, "would enable me to endure the and having employed a few minutes in rumoanogs of eternal separation, in the confidence maging her drawers, and disordering her of being endowed with the power of ending movables, uttered a loud shriek, that brought these tortures by the energy of my own hand; her father instantly into the apartment, where but the prospect of Wilhelmina's death, and he found his daughter tossing about her that too occasioned by my inflexibility, dis- clothes and trinkets with violent demonstraarms my soul of all her resolution, swallows tions of disorder and affright, and heard her, in up the dictates of my jealous pride, and fills a lamentable strain, declare that she was robmy bosom with such a gush of tenderness bed of her chain, and for ever undone. This and sorrow, as overwhelms the whole econo- was so far from being an agreeable intimamy of my purpose! Yes, enchanting crea- tion to the jeweller, that he was struck dumb ture! I sacrifice my glory to that irresistible with astonishment and vexation, and it was reflection; and, rather than know myself the not till after a long pause that he pronounced cruel instrument of robbing the world of such the word Sacrament! with an emphasis deperfection, consent to retain the fatal testi- noting the most mortifying surprise. inony of your love." Soon as that exclamation escaped from So saying, he pocketed the chain with an his lips, he flew to the escritoire as if instincair of ineffable mortification, and was re- tively, and, joining Wilhelmina in her occuwarded for his compliance with the most en- pation, tumbled its whole contents upon the dearing caresses of his Dulcinea, who, amidst floor in a trice. the tumults of her joy, ejaculated a thousand While he was thus employed in the most acknowledgments to heaven for having bless- expressive silence, the wife of his bosom ed her with the affection of such a man, chanced to pass that way, and seeing them whose honour was unrivalled by any thing both occupied with such violence and trepibut his love. dation, believed at first that they were certainly actuated by the spirit of frenzy; but when she interposed, by asking, with great CHAPTER XVI. earnestness, the cause of such transports and distracted behaviour, and heard her husband His success begets a blind security, by reply with an accent of despair,-" The chain! which he is once again well nigh -entrap- the chain of my forefathers is no more!" she ped in his Dulcinea's apartment. immediately justified his emotion by undergoing the same alarm, and, without further IN this manner did the crafty Fathom turn to hesitation, engaged herself in the search, account those ingratiating qualifications he beginning with a song, which might be crmainherited from nature, and maintain, with in- pared to the hymn of battle among the credible assiduity and circumspection, an Greeks, or rather more aptly to that which amorous correspondence with two domestic the Spartan females sung round the altar of rivals, who watched the conduct of each other Diana, surnamed Orthian; for it was attended with the most indefatigable virulence of envi- with strange gesticulations, and in the course ous suspicion, until an accident happened, of utterance, became so loud and shrill, that which had well nigh overturned the bark of the guests, who were by this time partly ashis policy, and induced him to alter the sembled, being confounded at the clamour, course, that he might not be shipwrecked on rushed towards the place fromn whence it the rocks that began to multiply in the pro- seemed to proceed, and found their landlord, secution of his present voyage. with his wife and daughter, in the attitudes The jeweller who, as a German, wanted of distraction and despair. neither pride nor ostentation, never failed to Whben they understood the nature of the celebrate the anniversary of his birth by an case, they condoled the family on their misannual feast granted to his neighbours and fortune, and would have retired, on the supfriends; and on these occasions, was accus- position that it would defeat the mirthful tomed to wear that chain, which, though be- intent of their meeting; but the jeweller, queathed to his daughter, he considered as mustering up his whole temper and hospian ornament appertaining to the family, tality, entreated them to excuse his disorder, whereof he himself was head: accordingly, and favour him with their company, which, when the time of this festival revolved, he, he observed, was now more than ever wanted, as usual, ordered Wilhelmina to surrender it to) dispel the melancholy ideas inspired by for the day. This injunction, the reader will his loss. Notwithstanding this apology, and perceive, our young lady was in no condition the efforts he made in thle sequel to entertain to obey; she had, however, foreseen the de- his friends with jollity and good humour, his mand, and contrived a scheme of behaviour heart was so linkled to the chain, that,1* 398 SMOLLETT'S SELECT WORKS. could not detach himself from the thoughts likelihood the house-maid gave private adof it, which invaded him at short intervals, mittance to some lover who was the author in such qualms as effectually spoiled his ap- of all the losses they had lately suffered, and petite, and hindered his digestion. that they might possibly detect him in his He revolved within himself the circum- nocturnal adventures; and observing, that it stances of his disaster, and, in canvassing all would be imprudent to intimate their design to the probable means by which the chain could Withelmina, lest, through the heedlessness be stolen, concluded that the deed must have and indiscretion of youth, she might chancee been done by some person in the family, to divulge the secret, so as to frustrate their who, in consequence of having access to his aim. daughter's chamber, had either found the A Swiss, in whose honesty the German drawer left open by her carelessness and could confide, being hired for this purpose, neglect, or found means to obtain a false key was posted in a dark corner of the stair-case, by some waxen impression; for the locks of within a few paces of the door, which he was thle escritoire were safe and uninjured. His directed to watch, and actually stood sentinel suspicion being thus confined within his own three nights, without perceiving the least house, sometimes pitched upon his workmen, object of suspicion; but, on the fourth, the and sometimes upon his wife, who he thought evil stars of our adventurer conducted him was the more likely to practise such finesse, to the spot, on his voyage to the apartment of as she considered W\,ilhelmina in the light of his Dulcinea, with whom he had preconcerted a daughter-in-law, whose interest interfered the assignation. Having made the signal, with her own, and who had often harangued which consisted of two gentle taps on her to him in private on the folly of leaving this door, he was immediately admitted; and the very chain in the young lady's possession. Swiss no sooner saw him fairly housed, than The more he considered this subject, he he crept softly to the other door, that was though]t he saw the more reason to attribute left open for the purpose, and gave immediate the damage he had sustained to the machina- intimation of what he had perceived. This tions of his spouse, who, he did not doubt, intelligence, however, he could not convey was disposed to feather her own nest at the so secretly, but the lovers, who were always expense of him and his heirs, and who, with vigilant upon these occasions, overheard a the same honest intention, had already se- sort of commotion in the jeweller's chamber, creted, for her private use, those inconsider- the cause of which their apprehension was able jewels which of late had at different ingenious enough to comprehend. times been missing. Aroused by these senti- We have formerly observed that our adments, he resolved to retaliate her own venturer could not make his retreat by the schemes, by contriving means to visit her door, without running a very great risk of cabinet in secret, and, if possible, to rob the being detected, and the expedient of the robber of the spoils she had gathered to his chimney he had no inclination to repeat; so prejudice, without coming to any explanation, that he found himself in a very uncomfortable which might end in domestic turmoils and dilemma, and was utterly abandoned by all eternal disquiet. his invention and address, when his mistress, WvThile the husband exercised his reflection in a whisper, desired him to begin a dialogue in this manner, his innocent mate did not aloud, in an apology, importing, that he had allow the powers of her imagination to rest mistaken the door, and that his intention was in idleness and sloth. Her observations to visit her father, touching a ring belonging touching the loss of the chain were such as to the young Count Melvil, which she knew a suspicious woman, biassed by hatred and Fathom had put into his hands, in order to envy, would naturally make. To her it be altered. seemed highly improbable that a thing of Ferdinand, seizing the hint, availed himsuch value, so carefully deposited, should self of it without delay, and, unbolting the vanish without the connivance of its keeper; door, pronounced in an.audible voice,and, mwithout much expense of conjecture, "Upon my honour, mademoiselle, you wrong divined the true manner in which it was con- my intention, if you imagine I came hither veyed. The sole difficulty that occurred in with any disrespectful or dishonourable mothe researches of her sagacity, was to know tive: I have business with your father, which the gallant who had been favoured with such cannot be delayed till to-morrow, without a pledge of WVil-lelmina's affection; for, as manifest prejudice to my friend and myself; the reader will easily imagine, she never therefore I took the liberty of visiting him at dreamed of viewing Ferdinand in that odious these untimely hours, and it has been my perspective. In order to satisfy her curiosity, misfortune to mistake the door in the dark. discover this happy favourite, and be re- I beg pardon for my involuntary intrusion, venged on her petulant rival, she prevailed and again assure you, that nothing was farupon the jeweller to employ a scout, who ther from my thoughts than any design to should watch all night upon the stair, violate that respect which I have always without the knowledge of any other per- entertained for you and your father's family." son in the family, alleging, that in all To this remonstrance, which was distinctly ADVENTUiES OF FERDINAND COUNT FATHOM. 399 heard by the German and his wife, who by her it was at present in the hands of a this time stood listening at the door, the jeweller, in order to be new set according young lady replied, in a shrill accent of dis- to her own directions, and that, whenever it pleasure, —" Sir, I am bound to believe that should be altered, he would send it home to all your actions are conducted by honour; her by some safe conveyance. This account but you must give me leave to tell you, that the good lady took for an evasion, and, upon your mistake is a little extraordinary, and that supposition, has again written to him in your visit, even to my father, at this time of such a provoking style, that although the the night, altogether unseasonable, if not letter arrived but half an hour ago, he is demysterious. As for the interruption I have termined to dispatch a courier before mornsuffered in my repose, I impute it to my own ing with the mischievous ring, for which, in forgetfulness in leaving my door unlocked, compliance with the impetuosity of his ternand blame myself so severely for the omiss- per, I have taken the freedom to disturb you ion, that I shall to-morrow put it out of my at this unseasonable hour." own power to be guilty of the like for the The German paid implicit faith to every future, by ordering the passage to be nailed circumstance of this story, which indeed up; meanwhile, if you would persuade me of could not well be supposed to be invented your well-meaning, you will instantly with- extempore; the ring was immediately redraw, lest my reputation should suffer by stored, and our adventurer took his leave, con.your continuance in my apartment." gratulating himself upon his signal deliver" Madam," answered our hero, " I will not ance from the snare into which he had fallen. give you an opportunity to repeat the command, which I shall forthwith obey, after having entreated you once more to forgive CHAPTER XVII. the disturbance I have given." So saying, he gently opened the door, and, at sight of The step-dame's suspicions being awakenthe German and his wife, who he well knew ed, she lays a snare for our adventurer, waited for his exit, started back, and gave from whiclh he is delivered by the intertokens of confusion, which was partly real position of his good genius. and partly affected. The jeweller, fully satisfied with Fathom's declaration to his daugh- TIOUGH the husband swallowed the bait ter, received him with a complaisant look, without further inquiry, the penetration of and, in order to alleviate his concern, gave the wife was not so easily deceived. That him to understand, that he already knew the same dialogue in WVilhelmina's apartment, reason of his being in that apartment, and far from allaying, rather inflamed her suspidesired to be informed of what had-procured cion; because, in the like emergency, she him the lonour to see him at such a juncture. herself had once profited by the same or "'Mly dear friend," said our adventurer, nearly the same contrivance. XWithout compretending to recollect himself with diffi- municating her doubts to the father, she reculty, "I am utterly ashamed and con- solved to double her attention to the daughfounded to be discovered in this situation; ter's future conduct, and keep such a strict but, as you have overheard what passed eye over the behaviour of our gallant, that between mademoiselle and me, I know you he should find it very difficult, if not impossiwill do Justice to my intention, and forgive ble, to elude her observation. For this purmy mistake. After begging pardon for hav- pose, she took into her pay an old maiden. ing2 intruded upon your family at these hours, of the right sour disposition, who lived in I must now tell you, that my cousin, Count a house opposite to her own, and directed Melvil, was some time ago so much misre- her to follow the young lady in all her outpresented to his mother by certain malicious goings, whenever she should receive from informers, who delight in sowing discord in the window a certain signal, which the moprivate families, that she actually believed ther-in-law agreed to make for thee occasion. her son an extravagant spendthrift, who had It was not long before this scheme succeeded not only consumed his remittances in the to her wish. The door of communication most riotous scenes of disorder, but also in- betwixt Willelmina's apartment and the dulued a pernicious appetite for gaming, to stair-case being nailed up by the jeweller's such a degree, that he had lost all his clothes express order, our adventurer was altogether and jewels at play. In consequence of such deprived of those opportunities he had hithfalse information, she expostulated with him erto enjoyed, and was not at all mortified to in a severe letter, and desired he would find himself so restricted in a correspondence transmit to her that ring which is in your which began to be tiresome and disagreeable; custody, it being a family stone, for which but the case was far otherwise with his Dulshe expressed an inestimable value. The cinea, whose passion, the more it was thwartyoung gentleman, in his answer to her re- ed, raged with greater violence, like a fire, proof, endeavoured to vindicate himself from that, from the attempts that are made to exthe aspersions which had been cast upon his tinguish it, gathers greater force, and flames character, and, with regard to the ring, told with double fury. 4-00 SMOLLETT'S SELECT WORKS. Upon the second day of her misfortune, she gallant was not in reality her professed adhad written a very tender billet, lamenting mirer, Mr Fathom, but rather one of his felher unhappiness in being deprived of those low-lodgers, whose passion he favoured with meetings which constituted the chief joy of his mediation and assistance. her life, alnd entreating him to contrive some On this notion, which nothing but mere means of renewing the delicious commerce vanity could have inspired, in opposition to in an unsuspected place. This intimation so many more weighty presumptions, she she proposed to convey privately into the took the resolution of bringing the affair to hand of her lover, during his next visit to the a fuller explanation, before she would confamily; but both were so narrowly eyed by cert any measures to the prejudice of our the mother, that she found the execution of adventurer, and forthwith dispatched her spy her design impracticable; and, next forenoon, back to his lodgings, to solicit, on the part on pretence of going to church, repaired to of Wilhelmina, an immediate answer to the the house of a companion, who, being also letter he had received. This was an expeher confidant, undertook to deliver the billet dition with which the old maiden would have with her own hand. willingly dispensed, because it was founded The she-dragon employed by her mother, upon an uncertainty, which might be attended in obedience to the sign which was displayed with troublesome consequences: but, rather from the window, immediately put on her than be the means of retarding a negotiation veil, and followed Wilhelmina at a distance, so productive of that sort of mischief which until she saw her fairly housed: she would is particularly agreeable to all of her tribe, not even then return from her excursion, she undertook to manage and effect the disbut hovered about in sight of the door, with covery, in full confidence of her own talents a view of making further observations. In and experience. less than five minutes after the young lady With such a fund of self-sufficiency and disappeared, the scout perceived her coming instigation, she repaired to the academy onil out, accompanied by her comrade, from whom the instant, and inquiring for Mr Fathom, she instantly parted, and bent her way to- was introduced to his apartment, where she wards the church in good earnest, while the found him in the very act of writing a billet other steered her course in another direction. to the jeweller's daughter. The artful agent The duenna, after a momnent's suspense and having asked, with the mysterious air of an consideration, divined the true cause of this expert go-between, if he had not lately reshort visit, and resolved to watch the mo- ceived a message from a certain young lady, tions of the confidant, whom she traced to and being answered in the affirmative, gave the academy in which our hero lodged, and him to understand, that she herself was a from which she saw her return, after the sup- person favoured with the friendship and conposed message was delivered. fidence of Wilhelmina, whom she had known Fraught with this intelligence, the rancor- from her cradle, and often dandled on her ous understrapper hied her home to the jew- knee; then, in the genuine style of a prattling eller's wife, and made a faithful recital of dry-nurse, she launched out in encomiums on what she had seen, communicating at the his Dulcinea's beauty and sweetness of temsame time her own conjectures on the sub- per, recounting many simple occurrences of ject. Her employer was equally astonished her infancy and childhood; and, finally, deand incensed at this information; she was siring a more circumstantial answer to that seized with all that frenzy which takes pos- which she had sent to him by her friend session of a slighted woman, when she finds Catherina. In the course of her loquacity, herself supplanted by a detested rival: and, she had also, according to her instructions, in the first transports of her indignation, de- hinted at the misfortune of the door; and, on voted them as sacrifices to her vengeance. the whole, performed her cue with such dexNor was her surprise so much the effect of terity and discretion, that our politician was his dissimulation, as of his want of taste and actually over-reached, and, having finished discernment. She inveighed against him, his epistle, committed it to her care, with not as the most treacherous lover, bhut as the many verbal expressions of eternal love and most abject wretch, in courting the smiles of fidelity to his charmin WVilhelmnina. such an awkward dowdy, while he enjoyed The messenger, dourly rejoiced at her the favours of a woman who had numbered achievement, which not only recommended princes in the train of her admirers. For her ministry, but also gratified her malice, the brilliancy of her attractions, such as they returned to her principal with great exultaat present shone, she appealed to the deci- tion, and, delivering the letter, the reader sion of her minister, who consulted her own will easily conceive the transports of that satisfaction and interest, by flattering the lady when she read the contents of it in these other's vanity and resentment; and so un- words; accountable did the depravity of our hero's "ANGELIC WILHELMINA!-To forget;udgment appear to this conceited dame, that those ecstatic scenes we have enjoyed togeshe began to believe there was some mistake ther, or even live without the continuation in the person, and to hope that Wilhelmina's of that mutual bliss, were to quit all title to ADVENTURES OF FERDINAND COUNT FATHOM.I. 401 perception, and resign every hope of future design should be defeated, in order to reserve happiness. No; my charmer, while my head him for more important occasions. retains the least spark of invention, and my Before the circumstances of the plan could heart glows with the resolution of a man, our be adjusted, it was his good fortune to meet correspondence shall not be cut off by the his Dulcinea in the street, and; in the midst machinations of an envious stepmother, who of their mutual condolence on the interrupnever had attractions to inspire a generous tion they had sufferedin their correspondence, passion; and, now that age and wrinkles he assured her, that he would never give his have destroyed what little share of beauty invention respite, until he should have verishe once possessed, endeavours, like the fied the protestations contained in the letter fiend in paradise, to blast those joys in others, he had delivered to her discreet agent. This from which she is herself eternally excluded. allusion to a billet she had never received, Doubt not, dear sovereign of my soul! that did not fail to alarm her fears, and introduce I will study, with all the eagerness of desir- a very mortifying explanation, in which he ing love, how to frustrate her malicious in- so accurately described the person of the tention, and renew those transporting mo- messenger, that she forthwith comprehended ments, the remembrance of which now warms the plot, and communicated to our hero her the breast of your ever-constant FATHOM." sentiments on that subject. Had. our hero murdered her father, or left Though he expressed infinite anxiety and her a disconsolate widow by effecting the chagrin at this misfortune, which could not death of her dear husband, there might have fail to raise new obstacles to their love, his been a possibility of her exerting the chris- heart was a stranger to the uneasiness he tian virtues of resignation and forgiveness; affected; and rather pleased with the occabut such a personal outrage as that contained sion, which would furnish him with pretences in this epistle precluded all hope of pardon, to withdraw himself gradually from an interand rendered penitence of no signification. course by this time become equally cloying His atrocious crime being now fully ascer- and unprofitable. Being well acquainted tained, this virago gave a loose to her re- with the mother's temperament, he guessed sentment, which became so loud and tem- the present situation of her thouflghts, and pestuous, that her informer shuddered at the concluding she would make the jeweller a storm she had raised, and began to repent of party in her revenge, he resolved from that having communicated the intelligence which moment to discontinue his visits, and causeemed to have such a violent effect upon tiously guard against any future interview her brain. with the lady whom he had rendered so imShe endeavoured, however, to allay the placable. agitation, by flattering her fancy with the It was well for our adventurer that his prospect of revenge, and gradually soothed good fortune so seasonably interposed; for her into a state of deliberate ire; during that same day, in the afternoon, he was fawhich she determined to take ample ven- voured with a billet firom the jeweller's wife, geance on the delinquent. In the zenith of couched in the same tender style she had her rage, she would have had immediate formerly used, and importing an earnest derecourse to poison or steel, had she not been sire of seeing him next day at the wonted diverted from her mortal purpose by her rendezvous. Although his penetration was counsellor, who represented the danger of sufficient to perceive the drift of this messagre, engaging in such violent measures, and pro- or at least to discern the risk he should run posed a more secure scheme, in the execution in complying with her request, yet he was of which she would see the perfidious wretch willing to be more fully certified of the truth sufficiently punished, without anv hazard to of his suspicion, and wrote an answer to the her own person or reputation. She advised billet, in which he assured her that he would her to inform the jeweller of Fathom's efforts repair to the place of appointment with all to seduce her conjugal fidelity, and impart to the punctuality of an impatient lover. Neverhim a plan, by which he would have it in his theless, instead of performing this promise, power to detect our adventurer in the very he, in the morning, took post in a public act of practising upon her virtue. house opposite to the place of assignation, The lady relished her proposal, and ac- in order to reconnoitre the ground, and about tually resolved to make an assignation with noon had the pleasure of seeing the German, Ferdinand, as usual, and give notice of the wrapped in a cloak, enter the door of his appointment to her husband, that he might wife's she-friend, though the appointment personally discover the treachery of his pre- was fixed at five in the evening. Fathom tended friend, and inflict upon him such chas- blessed his good angel for having conducted tisernent as the German's brutal disposition him clear of this conspiracy, and kept his should suggest, when inflamed by that species station with great tranquillity till the hour ofprovocation. Hadthis projectbeenbrought of meeting, when he beheld his enraged to bear, Ferdinand, in all likelihood, would Thalestris take the same route, and enjoyed have been disqualified from engaging in any her disappointment with ineffable satisfaction, future intrigue; but fate ordained that the Thus favoured with a pretext, he took his 3A 402 SMOLLETT'S SELECT TW;ORKS. leave of her, in a letter, giving her to under- restrained from prosecuting those measures stand, that he was no stranger to the barbar- her resentment had planned against his ous snare she had laid for him: and upbraid- fortitude and indifference; he would have ing her with having made such an ungrate- found greater difficulty than he had foreseen, ful return for all his tenderness and attach- in disengaging himself from the daughter, ment. She was not backward in conveying whose affections he had won under tile most a reply to this expostulation, which seemed solemn professions of honour and fidelity, to have been dictated in all the distraction and who, now she was debarred of his of a proud woman who sees her vengeance company and conversation, and in danger baffled, as well as her love disdained. Her of losing him for ever, had actually taken letter was nothing but a succession of re- the resolution of disclosing the amour to her preaches, menaces, and incoherent execra- father, that he might interpose in behalf of tions. She taxed him with knavery, insen- her peace and reputation, and secure her sibility, and dissimulation; imprecated a happiness by the sanction of the church. thousand curses upon his head, and threatened not only to persecute his life with all the arts that hell and malice could inspire, CHAPTER XVIII. but also to wound him in the person of her daughter-in-law, who should be inclosed for Our hero departs from Vienna, and quits life in a convent, where she should have lei- the domains of Venus for the rough field sure to repent of those loose and disorderly of Mars. practices which he had taught her to commit, and of which she could not pretend innocence, LuCKILY for our adventurer, before he adas they had it in their power to confront her hered to this determination, the young Count with the evidence of her lover's own con- de Melvil was summoned to Presburg by his fession. Yet allthis denunciation was quali- father, who desired to see him, before he fled with an alternative, by which he was should take the field, in consequence of a given to understand, that the gates of mercy rupture between the emperor and the French were still open, and that penitence was ca- king; and Fathom, of course, quitted Vienna, pable of washing out the deepest stain of in order to attend his patron, after he and guilt. Renaldo had resided two whole years in that Ferdinand read the whole remonstrance with capitol, where the former had made himself great composure and moderation, and was perfect in all the polite exercises, become content to incur the hazard of her hate, rather master of the French tongue, and learned to than put her to the trouble of making such an speak the Italian with great facility; over effort of generosity, as would induce her to and above those other accomplishments in forgive the heinous offence he had committed; which we have represented him as an inimitnor did his apprehension for Wilhelmina in able original. the least influence his behaviour on this oc- As for the young count, his exteriors were casion; so zealous was he for her spiritual so much improved by the company to which concerns, that he would have been glad to he had access, since his departure from his hear she had actually taken the veil; but he father's house, that his parents were equally knew such a step was not at all agreeable to surprised and overjoyed at the alteration. her disposition, and that no violence would All that awkwardness and rusticity, which be offered to her inclinations on that score, hung upon his deportment, was, like the unless her stepmother should communicate rough coat of a diamond, polished away; the to the father that letter of Fathom's which connection and disposition of his limbs seemed she had intercepted, and by which the Ger- to have been adjusted anew; his carriage was man would be convinced of his daughter's become easy, his air perfectly genteel, and backsliding; but this measure, he rightly his conversation gay and unrestrained. The supposed, the wife would not venture to take, merit of this reformation was in a great lest the husband, instead of taking her ad- measure ascribed to the care and example vice touching the young lady, should seek to of Mr Fathom, who was received by the old compromise the affair, by offering her in count and his lady with marks of'singular marriage to her debaucher; a proffer, which, friendship and esteem; nor was he overif accepted, would overwhelm the mother looked by mademoiselle, who still remained with vexation and despair. He therefore in a state of celibacy, and seemed to have chose to trust to the effects of lenient time, resigned all hope of altering her condition; which he hoped would gradually weaken the she expressed uncommon satisfaction at the resentment of this Penthesilea, and dissolve return of her old favourite, and re-admitted nis connexion with the other parts of the him into the same degree of familiarity with family, from which he longed to be totally which he had been honoured before his detached. departure. HIow well soever he might have succeeded The joy of Teresa was so excessive at his in his attempts to shake off the yoke of the arrival, that she could scarce suppress her mother, who, by her situation in life, was raptures, so as to conceal them from the ADVENTURElS OF FERDINAND COUNT FAThIOM. 403 notice of the family; and our hero, upon this condition of his legs, ventured to ride out on occasion, performed the part of an exquisite horseback to visit the lines, though the count actor, in dissembling those transports which and his son would never yield to his solicitahis bosom never knew. So well had this tions so far, as to let him accompany Renaldo pupil retained the lessons of her instructor, in those excursions and reconnoitring parties, that, in the midst of those fraudulent appro- by which a volunteer inures himself to toil priations, which she still continued to make, and peril, and acquires that knowledge In the she had found means to support her interest operations of war, which qualifies him for a and character with mademoiselle, and even command in the service. to acquire such influence in the family, that Notwithstanding this exemption from all' no other servant, male or female, could duty, our adventurer managed matters so as pretend to live under the same roof, without to pass for a youth of infinite mettle, and paying incessant homage to this artful wait- even rendered his backwardness and timidity ing-woman, and yielding the most abject subservient to the support of that character, submission to her will. by expressing an impatience oflying inactive, The young gentlemen having tarried at and a desire of signalizing his prowess, which Presburg about six weeks, during which a even the disabled condition of his body could small field equipagewas prepared for Renaldo, scarce restrain. I-e must be a man of very they repaired to the camp at Heilbron, under weak nerves and excessive irresolution, who the auspices of Count Melvil, in whose can live in the midst of actual service, without regiment they carried arms as volunteers, imbibing some portion of military fortitude; with a view to merit promotion in the service danger becomes habitual, and loses a great by their own personal behaviour. Our ad- part of its terror; and as fear is often caught venturer would have willingly dispensed with by contagion, so is courage communicated this occasion of signalizing himself, his tal- among the individuals of an army. The hope ents being much better adapted to another of fame, desire of honours and preferment, sphere of life; nevertheless, he affected envy, emulation, and the dread of disgrace, uncommon alacrity at the prospect of gather- are motives which co-operate in suppressing ing laurels in the field, and subscribed to his that aversion to death or mutilation, which fortune with a good grace; foreseeing that nature hath implanted in the human mind; even in a campaign, a man of his art and and therefore it is not to be wondered at, if ingenuity might find means to consult his Fathom, who was naturally chicken-hearted, corporal safety, without any danger to his gained some advantages over his disposition, reputation. Accordingly, before he had lived before the end of the campaign, which hapfull three weeks in camp, the damp situation, pened to be neither perilous nor severe. and sudden change in his way of life, had During the winter, while both armies such a violent effect upon his constitution, remained in quarters, our adventurer attended that he was deprived of the use of all his his patron to Presburg, and, before the troops limbs, and mourned, without ceasing, his were in motion, Renaldo obtained a comhard fate, by which he found himself pre- mission, in consequence of which he went cluded from all opportunity of exerting his into garrison at Philipsburg, whither he was diligence, courage, and activity, in the cha- followed by our hero, while the old count's racter of a soldier, to which he now aspired. duty called him to the field in a different Renaldo who was actually enamoured of a place. Ferdinand for some time had no martial life, and missed no occasion of dis- reason to be dissatisfied with this disposition, tinguishing himself, consoled his companion by which he was at once delivered from the with great cordiality, encouraged him with fatigues of a campaign, and the inspection the hope of seeing his constitution familiar- of a severe censor, in the person of Count ized to the inconveniences of a camp, and Melvil; and his satisfaction was still increased accommodated him with everything which by an accidental meeting with the Tyrolese he thought would alleviate the pain of his who had been his confederate at Vienna, and body, as well as the anxiety of his mind. nowchanced to serve in garrison onthe same The old count, who sincerely sympathized footing with himself. These two knightswith his affliction, would have persuaded him errant renewed their former correspondence, to retire into quarters, where he could be and, as all soldiers are addicted to gaming, carefully nursed, and provided with every levied contributions upon all those officers thing necessary to a person in his condition; who had money to lose, and temerity to play. but such was his desire of glory, that he However, they had not long pursued this resisted his patron's importunities with great branch of traffic, when their success was constancy, till at length, seeing the old interrupted by a very serious occurrence, that gentleman obstinately determined to consult for the present entirely detached the gentlehis health by removing him from the field, he men in the garrison from such amusements. gradually suffered himself to recover the use The French troops invested Fort Kehl, of his hands, made shift to sit up in his bed situated on the Rhine, opposite to Strasburg; and amuse himself with cards and back- and the imperialists, dreading that the next gammon, and, notwithstanding the feeble storm would fall upon Philipsburg, employed 34* 404 SMOLLETT'S SELECT WORKS. themselves with great diligence to put that measure, depend upon his personal behaviour important fortress in a proper posture of in such emergencies as he did not at all wish defence. If the suspension of play was dis- to encounter. On the other hand, he conpleasing to our hero, the expectation of fided so much in his own dexterity and being besieged was by no means more agree- address, that he never doubted of being able able. He knew the excellence of the French to raise a splendid fortune for himself;, proengineers, the power of their artillery, and vided he could once obtain a fixed and firm the perseverance of their general: he felt, by foundation. He had in fancy often enjoyed anticipation, the toils of hard duty upon the a prospect of England, not only as his native works, the horrors of night alarms, cannon- country, to which, like a true citizen, he ading, bombardment, sallies, and mines blown longed to be united; but also as the land of up; and deliberated with himself whether or promise, flowing with milk and honey, and not he should privately withdraw, and take abounding with subjects on which he knew refuge among the besiegers; but when he his talents would be properly exercised. reflected that such a step, besides the infamy These reflections never occurred, without that must attend it, would be like that of leaving a strong impression upon the mind running upon Scylla, seeking to avoid Cha- of our adventurer, which influenced his rybdis, as he would be exposedto more danger deliberations in such a manner, as at length and inconvenience in the trenches than he amounted to a perfect resolution of withcould possibly undergo in the town, and, after drawing himself privately from a service that all, run the risk of being taken and treated teemed with disagreeable events, and of as a deserter; upon these considerations he transporting himself into the country of his resolved to submit himself to his destiny, and ancestors, which he considered as the Canaan endeavoured to mitigate the rigour of his of all able adventurers. But, previous to his fate by those arts he had formerly practised appearance on that stage, he was desirous of with success. He accordingly found means visiting the metropolis of France, in which to enjoy a very bad state of health during the he hoped to improve himself in the knowledge whole siege, which lasted about six weeks of men and things, and acquire such intelliafter the trenches were opened; and then gence as would qualify him to act a more the garrison marched out by capitulation, important part upon the British scene. After with all the honours of war. having for some time indulged these prospects in secret, he determined to accommodate himself with the company and experience CHAPTER XIX. of the Tyrolese, whom, under the specious title of an associate, he knew he could He puts himself under the guidance of his convert into a very serviceable tool, in forassociate, and stumbles upon the French warding the execution of his own projects. camp, where he Jinishes his military Accordingly, the inclination of this concareer. federate was sounded by distant hints, and being found apt, our hero made him privy to NOTHING else of moment was transacted his design of decamping without beat of during that campaign; and in the winter our drum; though, at the same time, he begged adventurer, with the young count, and his his advice touching the method of their friend the Tyrolese, were disposed in quarters departure, that he might retire with as much of cantonment, where Ferdinand made him- delicacy as the nature of such a step would self amends for the chagrin he hadundergone, permit. Divers consultations were held upon by the exercise of those talents in which he this subject, before they adhered to the excelled. Not that he was satisfied with the resolution of making their escape from the sphere of life in which he acted; though he army, after it should have taken the field in knew himself consummate in the art of play, the spring; because, in that case, they would lie was not at all ambitious of a gamester's have frequent opportunities of going abroad name; nor did he find himself disposed to on foraging parties, and, during one of these hazard those discoveries and explanations to excursions, might retire in such a manner as which heroes of that class are sometimes to persuade their companions that they had necessarily exposed. His aim was to dwell fallen into the enemy's hands. among the tents of civil life, undisturbed Agreeably to this determination, the camp by quarrels and the din of war, and render was no sooner formed in Alsace, than our mankind subservient to his interest, not by associates began to make preparations for stratagems which irritate, but by that supple- their march, and had already taken all the ness of insinuation, which could not fail to previous measures for their departure, when soothe the temper of thnse on whom he an accident happened, which our hero did meant Lo prey. not fail to convert to his own advantage: this He saw that all his expectations of Count was no other than the desertion of Renaldo's Melvil's future favour were connected with valet, who, in consequence of a gentle his choice of a military life; and that his chastisement, which he had richly merited, promotion in the service would, in a great thought proper to disappear, after having ADVENTURES OF FERDINAND COUNT FATHOM. 405 plundered his master's portmanteau, which from the eyes of their companions, who in a he had forced open for the purpose. Ferdi- few minutes hearing the report of several nand, who wis the first person that dis- pistols, which the confederates purposely covered the theft, immediately comprehended fired, conjectured that they had fallen in with the whole adventure, and taking it fobr granted a party of French, by whom they were made that the delinquent would never return, re- prisoners of war. solved to finish what the fugitive had imper- The Tyrolese had overrated his own fectly performed. knowledge, when he took upon himself the Being favoured with the unreserved con- charge of'conducting our hero; for, upon their fidence of the young count, he instantly had arrival at a certain place, where two roads recourse to his bureau, the locks of which he crossed each other, he chanced to follow that found means to burst open, and examining which not only frustrated their intention, but a private drawer contrived with great art to even led them directly to the French camp: conceal Renaldo's jewels and cash, made so that, in the twilight, they fell in upon one himself master of the contents without hesita- of the out-guards, before they were aware of tion; then cutting open his cloak bag, and their mistake. Whatever confusion, and strewing the tent with his linen and clothes, perplexity they might undergo, when they began to raise his voice, and produce such a heard themselves questioned by the sentinet clamour as alarmed the whole neighbour- on the advanced post, certain it is, they behood, and brought a great many officers into trayed no symptoms of fear or disorder; but, the tent. while Ferdinand enoavoured to recollect He on this, as on all other occasions, himself, his fellow-traveller, with the appearperformed his cue to a miracle, expressing ance of admirable intrepidity and presence confusion and concern so naturally in his of mind, told the soldier, that he and his gestures and exclamation, that no man could companion were two gentlemen of family possibly suspect his sincerity; nay, to such a who had quitted the Austrian army, on acdegree of finesse did his cunning amount, count of having sustained some ill usage, that when his friend and patron entered, in which they had no opportunity of resenting consequence of an intimation he soon re- in any other way; and that they were come ceived of his loss, our adventurer exhibited to offer their services to the French general, undoubted signs of distraction and delirium, to whose quarters they desired to be immeand, springing upon Renaldo with all the diately conveyed. frantic fury of a bedlamite, —" Villain!" The sentinel, to whom such an instance cried he, "restore the effects you have stolen of desertion was neither rare nor indeed ftom your master, or you shall be imme- uncommon, directed them without scruple to diately committed to the care of the prevot." the next post, where they found a sergeant's However mortified M. de Melvil might be at party, from which, at their request, they his own misfortune, the condition of his were transmitted to the officer of the grand friend seemed to touch him more nearly; he guard, and by him next morning introduced undervalued his own loss, as a trifle that to Count Coigny, who very politely received could be easily repaired; and said every thing them as volunteers in the army of France. which he thought would tend to soothe and Though this translation was not at all to our compose the agitation of Ferdinand; and, hero's liking, he was forced to acquiesce in finally, prevailed upon him to retire to rest. his fate, glad to find himself, on these terms, T'he calamity was wholly attributed to the in possession of his effects, of which he would deserter; and Renaldo, far from suspecting otherwise have been infallibly rifled. the true author, took occasion, from his This campaign, however, was the most behaviour on this emergency, to admire him disagreeable period of his whole life; because as a mirror of integrity and attachment; in the manner in which he had entered into the such an exquisite manner did he plan all his service subjected him to the particular obdesifrns, that almost every instance of his servation and notice of the French officers; friaud furnished matter of triumph to his so that he was obliged to be very alert in his reputation. duty, and summon all his fortitude to mainHaving thus profitably exercised his genius, tain the character he had assumed. Whilat this subtile politician thought it high time to rendered his situation still more unpalatable, relinquish his military expectations, and, se- was the activity of both armies in the course curing all his valuable acquisitions about his of this season, during which, over and above own person, rode out with his understrapper, sundry fatiguing marches and counterin the midst of fifty dragoons, who went in marches, he was personally engaged in the quest of forage. While the troopers were affair of Halleh. which was very obstinate, employed in making up their trusses, the two where, being in the skirts of the detachment, adventurers advanced towards the skirt of a he was actually wounded in the face by the wood, on pretence of reconnoitring, and the sword of an hussar; but this was, luckily for Tvrolese, who undertook to be our hero's him, the last time he found himself under the guide, directing him to a path which leads necessity of exerting his military prowess; towards Strasburg, they suddenly vanished for a cessation of armns was proclaimed, be 40E6 SMOLLETT'S SELECT WORKS. fore he was cured of his wound, and peace same abrupt manner; and this scheme he concluded about the end of the campaign. actually put in execution, upon their arrival During his sojourn in the French camp, in Bar-le-duc, where it was agreed they he assumed the character of a man of family, should spend a day to repose and ref.-esh who, being disgusted at some supercilious themselves from the fatigue of hard riding. treatment he had met with in the German Ferdinand, therefore, taking the advantage service, and at the same time ambitious of of his companion's absence, for the Tyrolese carrying arms under the banners of France, had walked abroad to view the town, found took the opportunity of retreating by stealth means to hire a peasant, who undertook to from his friends, accompanied only by one conduct him through a by-road as far as with whom he could entrust his intentions. Chalons; and with his guide he accordingly In this capacity he had managed his matters set out on horseback, after having discharged to such advantage, that many French officers the Pill, left a blank paper sealed up in form of rank were very well disposed to contribute of a letter directed to his friend, and secured their interest in his behalf, had his inclina- behind his own saddle a pair of leathern bags tion verged towards promotion in the army; in which his jewels and cash were usually but he thought proper to conceal his real contained. So eager was our hero to leave design, under the specious pretext of longing the Tyrolese at a considerable distance beto see the metropolis of France, that centre hind, that he rode all night at a round pace of pleasure and politeness, in which he pro- without halting, and next morning found himposed to spend some gime for the improve- self at a village distant thirteen good league-S ment of his address and understanding. from any part of the route which he and his These were motives too laudable to be op- companion had at first resolved to pursue. posed by his new patrons, some of whom Here, thinking himself safely delivered furnished him with letters of recommenda- from the cause of all his apprehension, he tion to certain noblemen of the first rank at determined to lie incognito for a few days, the court of Versailles, for which place he so as that he might run no risk of an acciand his companion set out fiom the banks of dental meeting upon the road with the person the Rhine, very well satisfied with the hon- whose company he had forsaken; and acourable dismission they had obtained from a cordingly took possession of an apartment, life of inconvenience, danger, and alarm. in which he went to rest, desiring his guide to wake him when dinner should be ready. Having enjoyed a very comfortable refreshCHAPTER XX. nent of sleep, with his bags under his pillow, he was summoned according to his direction, Iie prepares a stratagem, but finds himself and ate a very hearty meal, with great trancountermined; proceeds on his journey, quillity and internal satisfaction. In the and is overtaken by a terrible tempest. afternoon he amused himself with happy presages and ideal prospects of his future fortune, IN the course of this journey, Ferdinand, who and, in the midst of these imaginary banquets, was never deficient in his political capacity, was seized with an inclination of realizin held a secret conclave with his own thoughts, his bliss, and regaling his eye-sight with the not only touching the plan of his own future fruits of that success which had hitherto atconduct, but also concernino his associate, tended his endeavours. Thus inflamed, he of whose fidelity and adherence he began to opened the repository, and, O reader! what entertain such doubts as discouraged him from were his reflections, when, in lieu of madethe prosecution of that design, in which the moiselle Melvil's ear-rings and necklace, the Tyrolese had been at first included: for he German's golden chain, divers jewels of conhad lately observed him practise the arts of siderable value, the spoils of sundry dupes. his occupation among the French officers, and about two hundred ducats in ready money, with such rapacity and want of caution, as he found neither more nor less than a parcel indicated a dangerous temerity of temper, as of rusty nails, disposed in such a manner as well as a furious rage of acquiring, which to resemble in weight and bulk the movables might be some time or other satiated upon he had lost. his own friends. In other words our adven- It is not to be supposed our adventurer turer was afraid that his accomplice would made this discovery without emotion. If the profit by his knowledge of the road and coun- eternal salvation of mankind could have been tries through which they travelled, and, after purchased for the tenth part of his treasure, having made free with his most valuable he would have left the whole species in a effects, in consequence of the familiarity state of reprobation, rather than redeem them subsisting between them, leave him some at that price, unless lie had seen in the barmorning without the ceremony of a formal gain some evident advantage to his own conadieu. cerns: one may therefore easily conceive Aroused by this suspicion, he resolved to with what milkiness of resignation he bore anticipate the supposed intention of the Ty- the loss of the whole, and saw himself rerolese, bv taking his own departure in the duced from such affluence to the necessity ADVENTURES OF FERDINAND COUJNT FATHLAOM. 407 of depending upon about twenty ducats, and tude of the place, the indistinct images of the some loose silver, which he carried in his trees that appeared on every side, "stretching pocket, for his expense upon the road. How- their extravagant arms athwart the gloom," ever bitter this pill might be in swallowing, conspired with the dejection of spirits occahe so far mastered his mortification, as to sioned by his loss, to disturb his fancy, and digest it with a good grace: his own pene- raise strange phantoms in his imagination. tration at once pointed out the canal through Although ihe was not naturally superstitious, whtich this misfortune had flowed upon him; his mind began to be invaded with an awfiul he forthwith placed the calamity to the ac- horror, that gradually prevailed over all the count of the Tyrolese, and never doubting consolations of reason and philosophy; nor that he had retired with the booty across the was his heart free from the terrors of assassiRhine, into some place to which he knew nation. In order to dissipate these disagreeFathomn would not follow his footsteps, he able reveries, he had recourse to the converformed the melancholy resolution of pursuing sation of his guide, by whom he was enterwith all dispatch his journey to Paris, that he tained with the history of divers travellers might, with all convenient expedition, in- who had been robbed and murdered by ruffians, dernnify himself for the discomfiture he had whose retreat was in the recesses of that sustained. very wood. With regard to his confederate, his con- In the midst of this communication, which jecture was perfectly right; that adventurer, did not at all tend to the elevation of our though infinitely inferior to our hero in point hero's spirits, the conductor made an excuse of genius and invention, had manifestly the for dropping behind, while our travellerjogged advantage of him in the articles of age and on in expectation of being joined again by experience; he was no stranger to Fathom's him in a few minutes: he was, however, disqualifications, the happy exertion of which appointed in that hope; the sound of the he had often seen. He knew him to be an other horse's feet by degrees grew more and economist of the most frugal order, conse- more faint, and at last altogether died away. quently concluded his finances were worthy Alarmed at this circumstance, Fathom halted of examination; and, upon the true principles in the middle of the road, and listened withl of a sharper, eased him of the incumbrance, the most fearful attention; but his sense of taking it for granted, that, in so doing, he hearing was saluted with nought but the disonly precluded Ferdinand from the power of mal sighings of the trees, that seemed to acting the same tragedy upon him, should foretel an approaching storm. Accordingly, ever opportunity concur with his inclination. the heavens contracted a more dreary aspect, IIe had therefore concerted his measures the lightning began to gleam, the thunder to with the dexterity of an experienced con- roll, and the tempest, raising its voice to a veyancer, and, snatching the occasion, while tremendous roar, descended in a torrent of our hero, traveltainted, lay sunk in the arms rain. of profound repose, he ripped up the seams In this emergency, the fortitude of our of the leather depository, withdrew the con- hero was almost quite overcome. So many tents, introduced the parcel of nails, which concurring circumstances of danger and dis he had made up for the purpose, and then tress might have appalled the most undaunted repaired the breach with great deliberation. breast; what impression, then, must they Had Fathom's good genius prompted him have made upon the mind of Ferdinand, who to examine his effects next morning, the was by no means a man to set fear at defiance! Tyrolese, in all probability, would have main- indeed, he had well nigh lost the use of his tained his acquisition by force of arms; for reflection, and was actually invaded to the his personal courage was rather more deter- skin, before he could recollect himself so far mined than that of our adventurer, and he as to quit the road, and seek for shelter among was conscious of his own ascendency in this the thickets that surrounded him. HIaving particular; but his good fortune prevented rode some furlongs into the forest, he took such explanation. Immediately after dinner, his station under a tuft of tall trees, that he availed himself of his knowledge, and, screened him from the storm, and in that betaking himself to a remote part of the town, situation called a council within himself, to set out in a post-chaise for Luneville, while deliberate upon his next excursion. He our hero was meditating his own escape. persuaded himself that his guide had deserted Fathom's conception was sufficient to com- him for the present, in order to give intelliprehend the whole of this adventure, as soon gence of a traveller to some gang of robbers as his chagrin would give his sagacity fair with whom he was connected; and that he play; nor would he allow his resolution to must of necessity fall a prey to those bansink under the trial; on the contrary, he de- ditti, unless he should have the good fortune parted from the village that same afternoon, to elude their search, and disentangle himunder the auspices of his conductor, and selffirom the minazes of the wood. found himself benighted in the midst of a Harrowed with these apprehensions, hec fbrest, far from the habitations of men. The resolved to commit himself to the mercy of darkness of the night, the silence and soli- the hurricane, as of two evils the least, and 408 SMOLLETT'S SELECT WORKS. penetrate straight forwards through some could have dispensed with this instance of her devious opening, until he should be delivered care, in confining her guest to his chamber, from the forest. For this purpose he turned and began to be seized with strange fancies, his horse's head in a line quite contrary to when he observed that there was no bolt on the direction of the high road which he had the inside of the door, by which lie might left, on the supposition that the robbers secure himself from intrusion. In consewould pursue that track in quest of him, and quence of these suggestions, he proposed to that they would never dream of his deserting take an accurate survey of every object ip the highway, to traverse an unknown forest, the apartment, and, in the course of his amidst the darkness of such a boisterous inquiry, had the mortification to find the night. After he had continued in this pro- dead body of a man, still warm, who had gress through a succession of groves, and been lately stabbed, and concealed beneath bogs, and thorns, and brakes, by which not several bundles of straw. only his clothes, but also his skin suffered in Such a discovery could not fail to fill the a grievous manner, while every nerve quiver- breast of our hero with unspeakable horror; ed with eagerness and dismay, he at length for he concluded that he himself would underreached an open plain, and pursuing his go the same fate before morning, without the course, in full hope of arriving at some village, interposition of a miracle in his favour. In where his life would be safe, he descried a the first transports of his dread, he ran to the rush-light at a distance, which lie looked window, with a view to escape by that outlet, upon as the star of his good fortune, and and found his flight effectually obstructed by riding towards it at fill speed, arrived at the divers strong bars of iron. Then his heart door of a lone cottage, into which he was began to palpitate, his hair to bristle up, and admitted by an old woman, who, understand- his knees to totter; his thoughts teemed with ing he was a bewildered traveller, received presages of death and destruction; his conhimn with great hospitality. science rose up in judgment against him, When he learned from his hostess, that and he underwent a severe paroxysm of there was not another house within three dismay and distraction. His spirits were leagues; that she could accommodate him agitated into a state of fermentation that with a tolerable bed, and his horse with produced a species of resolution akin to that lodging and oats, he thanked Heaven for his which is inspired by brandy or other strong good fortune, in stumbling upon this homely liquors, and, by an impulse that seemed habitation, and determined to pass the night supernatural, he was immediately hurried under the protection of the old cottager, who into measures for his own preservation. gave him to understand, that her husband, What upon a less interesting occasion his who was a fagot-maker, had gone to the imagination durst not propose, he now exenext town to dispose of his merchandise; cuted without scruple or remorse. He unand that in all probability he would not return dressed the corpse that lay bleeding among till next morning, on account of the tempest- the straw, and, conveying it to the bed in uous night. Ferdinand sounded the beldame his arms, deposited it in the attitude of a with a thousand artful interrogations, and person who sleeps at his ease; then he exshe answered with such appearance of truth tinguished the light, took possession of the and simplicity, that he concluded his person place from whence the body had been rewas quite secure; and, after having been moved, and, holding a pistol ready cocked in regaled with a dish of eggs and bacon, de- each hand, waited for the sequel with that sired she would conduct him into the chamber determined purpose which is often the immewhere she proposed he should take his repose. diate production of despair. About midnight He was accordingly ushered up by a sort of he heard the sound of feet ascending the ladder into an apartment furnished with a ladder; the door was softly opened; he saw standing bed, and almost half filled with the shadow of two men stalking towards the trusses of straw. IHe seemed extremely well bed; a dark lanthorn being unshrouded, pleased with his lodging, which in reality directed their aim to the supposed sleeper, exceeded his expectation; and his kind land- and he that held it thrust a poniard to his lady, cautioning him againstletting the candle heart; the force of the blow made a comapproach the combustibles, took her leave, pression on the chest, and a sort of groan and locked the door on the outside. issued from the windpipe of the defunct; the stroke was repeated, without producing a repetition of the note, so that the assassins CHAPTER XXI. concluded the work was effectually done, and retired for the present, with a design to He falls upon Scylla, seeking to avoid return and rifle the deceased at their leisure. Charybdis. Never had our hero spent a moment in such agony as he felt during this operation; FATHOM, whose own principles taught him the whole surface of his body was covered to be suspicious and ever upon his guard with a cold sweat, and his nerves were against the treachery of his fellow-creatures, relaxed with an universal palsy: in short, he ADVENTURES OF FERDINAND C6UNT FATI-HOM. 409 remained in a trance, that in all probability clemency; and they accordingly took their contributed to his safety; for had he retained'departure together, she being placed astride the use of his senses, he might have been upon the saddle, holding the bridle in one discovered by the transports of his fear. The hand, and a switch in the other, and our first use he made of his retrieved recollection, adventurer sitting on the crupper, superwas to perceive that the assassins had left intending her conduct, and keeping the the door open in their retreat; and he would muzzle of a pistol close at her ear. in this have instantly availed himself of this their equipage they travelled across part of the neglect, by sallying out upon them, at the same wood in which his guide had fbrsaken hazard of his life, had not he been restrained him; and it is not to be supposed that he by a conversation he overheard in the room passed his time in the most agreeable revery, below, importing that the ruffians were going while he found himself involved in the labyto set out upon another expedition, in hopes rinth of those shades, which he considered of finding more prey. They accordingly as the haunts of robbery and assassination. departed, after having laid strong injunctions Common fear was a comfortable sensation upon the old woman to keep the door fast to what he felt in this excursion. The first locked during their absence: and Ferdinand steps he had taken for his preservation were took his resolution without farther delay. So the effects of mere instinct, while his faculties soon as, by his conjecture, the robbers were were extinguished or suppressed by despair; at a sufficient distance from the house, he but now, as his reflection began to recur, he rose from his lurking-place, moved softly was haunted by the most intolerable appretowards the bed, and, rummaging the pockets hensions. Every whisper of the wind through of the deceased, found a purse well stored the thickets was swelled into the hoarse with ducats, of which, together with a silver menaces of murder, the shaking of the boughs watch and a diamond ring, he immediately was construed into the brandishing of ponpossessed himself without scruple; then de- iards, and every shadow of a tree became the scending with great care and circumspection apparition of a ruffian eager for blood. In into the lower apartment, stood before the short, at each of these occurrences he felt old beldame, before she had the least intima- what was infinitely more tormenting than the tion of his approach. stab of a real dagger; and at every fresh filip Accustomed as she was to the trade of of his fear, he acted as a remembrancer to his blood, the hoary hag did not behold this conductress, in a new volley of imprecations, apparition without giving signs of infinite importing, that her life was absolutely conterror and astonishment, believing it-was no nected with his opinion of his own safety. other than the spirit of her second guest, who Human nature could not long subsist under had been murdered; she fell upon her knees, such complicated terror: at last he found and began to recommend herself to the pro- himself clear of the forest, and was blessed tection of' the saints, crossing herself with as with the distant view of an inhabited place: much devotion as if'she had been entitled to he then began to exercise his thou ghts upon the particular care and attention of Heaven. a new subject. He debated with himself Nor did her anxiety abate when she was whether he should make a parade of his undeceived in this her supposition, and under- intrepidity and public spirit, by disclosing stood it was no phantom, but the real sub- his achievement, and surrendering his guide) stance of the stranger, who, without staying to the penalty of the law, or leave the old to upbraid her with the enormity of her hag and her accomplices to the remorse of crimes, commanded her, on pain of immediate their own consciences, and proceed quietly death, to produce his horse; to which being on his journey to Paris, in undisturbed posconducted, lie set her upon the saddle with- session of the prize he had already obtained. out delay, and, mounting behind, invested This last step he determined to take, upon her with the management of the reins, swear- recollecting, that, in the course of his inforing, in a most peremptory tone, that the mation, the story of the murdered stranger only chance she had for her life, was in would infallibly attract the attention of directing him safely to the next town; and justice, and, in that case, the effects lhe had that, as soon as she should give him the least borrowed from the defunct must be refunded cause to doubt her fidelity in the performance for the benefit of those who had a right to of that task, he would on the instant act the the succession. This was an argument which part of her executioner. our adventurer could not resist; he foresaw This declaration had its effect upon the that he should be stripped of his acquisition, withered Hecate, who, with many supplica- which he looked upon as the fair fruits of tions for mercy and forgiveness, promised to his valour and sagacity; and, moreover, be guide him in safety to a certain village at the detained as an evidence against the robbers, distance of two leagues, where he might to the manifest detriment of his affairs: per lodge in security, and be provided with a haps too he had motives of conscience, that fresh horse, or other convenience, for pur- dissuaded him from bearing witness against suing his intended route. On these condi- a set of people whose principles did not tions he told her she might deserve his much differ from his own. 3 B 410 SMOLLETT'S SELECT WORKS. Influenced by such considerations, he yield- distinguished the High and Low Dutch, bared to the first importunity of the beldame, barous French, Italian, and Englishlanguages. whom he dismissed at a very small distance He was rejoiced at this occasion of displayfrom the village, after he had earnestly ex- ing his own qualifications, took his place at horted her to quit such an atrocious course one of three long tables, betwixt a WTestof life, and atone for her past crimes, by phalian count and a Bolognian marquis, insacrificing her associates to the demands of sinuated himself into the conversation with justice. She did not fail to vow a perfect his usual address, and in less than half an reformation, and to prostrate herself before hour found means to accost a native of each him for the favour she had found; then she different country in his own mother tongue. betook herself to her habitation, with full Such extensive knowledge did not pass purpose of advising her fellow-murderers to unobserved. A French abbe, in a provincial repair with all dispatch to the village, and dialect, complimented him upon his retaining impeach our hero, who, wisely distrusting that purity in pronunciation which is not to her professions, staid no longer in the place be found in the speech of a Parisian. The than to hire a guide for the next stage, which Bolognian, mistaking him for a Tuscan,brought him to the city ofChalons sur Marne. "Sir," said he, "I presume you are from Florence: I hope the illustrious house of Lorraine leaves you gentlemen of that famous CHAPTER XXII. city no room to regret the loss of your own princes." The castle of Versailles becoming Ile arrives at Paris, and is pleased with the subject of conversation, monsieur le his reception. compte appealed to him, as to a native German, whether it was not inferior in point of HE was not so smitten with the delightful magnificence to the chateau of Grubenhagen situation of this ancient town, but that lie The Dutch officer, addressing himself to abandoned it as soon as he could procure a Fathom, drankl to the prosperity ofFaderland post-chaise, in which he arrived at Paris, and asked if he had not once served in garriwithout having been exposed to any other son at Shenkenschans; and an English knight troublesome adventure upon the road. He swore, with great assurance, that he had took lodgings at a certain hotel in the faux- frequently rambled with him at midnight bourg de St Germain, which is the general among the hundreds of Drury. rendezvous of all the strangers that resort to To each person he replied in a polite, this capital, and now sincerely congratulated though mysterious manner, which did not himself upon his happy escape from his HIun- fail to enhance their opinion of his good garian connexions, and from the snares of breeding and importance; and, long before the banditti, as well as upon the spoils of the the dessert appeared, he was by all the coindead body, and his arrival at Paris, from pany supposed to be a personage of great whence there was such a short conveyance consequence, who, for some substantial reato England, whither he was attracted by far sons, found it convenient to keep himself other motives than that of filial veneration incognito. This being the case, it is not to for his native soil. be doubted that particular civilities were He suppressed all his letters of recommen- poured upon him from all quarters. Ile perdation, which he justly concluded would sub- ceived their sentiments, and encouraged ject him to a tedious course of attendance them, by behaving with that sort of complaiupon the great, and lay him under the ne- sance which seems to be the result of engag.. cessity of soliciting preferment in the army, ing condescension in a character of superior than which nothing was farther from his dignity and station. His affability was geninclination; and resolved to make his appear- eral; but his chief attention limited to those ance in the character of a private gentleman, gentlemen already mentioned, who chanced which would supply him with opportunities to sit nearest him at table; and he no sooner of examining the different scenes of life in gave them to understand that he was an utter such a gay metropolis, so.as that he should stranger in Paris, than they unanimously be able to choose that sphere in which he begged to have the honour of making him could move the most effectually to his own acquainted with the different curiosities peadvantage. He accordingly hired an occa- culiar to that metropolis. sional domestic, and, under the denomination He accepted of their hospitality, accomof Count Fathom, which he had retained panied them to a coffeehouse in the afternoon, since his elopement from Renaldo, repaired from whence they repaired to the opera, and to dinner at an ordinary, to which he was afterwards adjourned to a noted hotel, in directed as a reputable place, frequented by order to spend the remaining part of the fashionable strangers of all nations. evening. It was here that our hero secured He found this piece of information perfectly himselfeffectually in the footing he had gained just; for he no sooner entered the apartment, in their good graces: he in a moment saw than his ears were saluted with a strange through all the characters of the party, and confusion of sounds, among which he at once adapted himself to the humour of each indi ADVENTURES OF FERDINAND COUNT FATHOM. 411 vidual, without descending from that eleva- supposition that he was, in all respects, the tion of behaviour which he perceived would best adapted for the purposes of a needy operate among them in his behalf. With gamester: him, therefore, he cultivated with the Italian he discoursed on music, in the extraordinary care and singular observance; style of a connoisseur; and indeed had a bet- for he soon perceived him to be a humourist ter claim to that title than the generality of and, from that circumstance, derived a happy those upon whom it is usually conferred; for presage of his own success. The baronet's he understood the art in theory as well as in disposition seemed to be cast in the true practice, and would have made no contempti- English mould. He was sour, silent, and ble figure among the best performers of the contemptuous; his very looks indicated a age. consciousness of superior wealth, and he tie harangued upon taste and genius to never opened his mouth, except to make some the abbe, who was a wit and critic ex oftlcio, dry, sarcastic, national reflection; nor was or rather ex vestitu: for a young pert French- his behaviour free from that air of suspicion man, the very moment he puts on the petit which a man puts on, when he believes himcollet or little band, looks upon himself as self in a crowd of pick-pockets, whom his an inspired son of Apollo; and every one of caution and vigilance set at defiance: in a the fraternity thinks it incumbent upon him word, though his tongue was silent on the to assert the divinity of his mission. In a subject, his whole demeanour was continually word, the abbes are a set of people that bear saying,-" you are all a pack of poor lousy a strong analogy to the templars in London. rascals, who have a design upon my purse: Fools of each fabric, sharpers of all sorts,'tis true, I could buy your whole generation, and dunces of every degree, profess them- but I wont be bubbled, d'ye see; I am aware selves of both orders. The templar is, gen- of your flattery, and upon my guard against erally speaking, a prig, so is the abbe: both all your knavish pranks; and I come into are distinguished by an air of petulance and your company for my own amusement only." self-conceit, which holds a middle rank be- Fathom having reconnoitred this pecutwixt the insolence of a first-rate buck, and liarity of temper, instead of treating him with the learned pride of a supercilious pedant. that assiduous complaisance, which he reThe abbe is supposed to be a younger bro- ceived from the other gentlemen of the party, ther in quest of preferment in the church; kept aloof from him in the conversation with the temple is considered as a receptacle or a remarkable shyness of distant civility, and seminary for younger sons intended for the seldom took notice of what he said, except bar: but a great number of each profession with a view to contradict him, or retort some turn aside into other paths of life, long be- of his satirical observations. This he confore they reach these proposed goals: an ceived to be the best method of acquiring his abbe is often metamorphosed into a foot sol- good opinion; because the Englishman would dier; a templar sometimes sinks into an at- naturally conclude he was a person who could torney's clerk: the galleys of France abound have no sinister views upon his fortune, else with abbes; and many temnplars may be found he would have chosen quite a different manin our American plantations, not to mention ner of deportment. Accordingly the knight those who have made a public exit nearer seemed to bite at the hook: he listened to home. Yet I would not have it thought that Ferdinand with uncommon regard; he was lmy description includes every individual of even heard to commend his remarks; and at those societies. Some of the greatest scho- length drank to their better acquaintance. lars, politicians, and wits, that ever Europe produced, have worn the habit of an abbe; and many of our most noble families in Eng- CHAPTER XXIII. land derive their honours from those who have studied law in the temple: the worthy Acquits hi mself with address in a nocturnal sons of every community shall always be riot. sacred from my censure and ridicule; and while I laugh at the folly of particular mem- Tnur Italian and the abbe were the first who bers, I can still honour and revere the insti- began to grow whimsical under the influence tution. of the burgundy; and, in the heat of their But let us return from this comparison, elevation, proposed that the company should which some readers may think impertinent amuse themselves during the remaining part and unseasonable: and observe that the of the night, at the house of an oblioing dame, VTestphalian count, Dutch officer, and Eng- who maintained a troop of fair nymphs for lish knight were not excepted from the par- the accommodation of the other sex. The ticular regard and attention ofour adventurer: proposal was approved by all, except the he pledged the German in every bumper; Hollander, whose economy the wine had not flattered the Hollander with compliments as yet invaded; and, while he retreated soupon the industry, wealth, and policy of the berly to his own lodgings, the rest of the Seven United Provinces; but he reserved his society adjourned in two coaches to the temchief battery for his own countryman, on the ple of love,' where they were received by the 35 412 SMOLLETT'S SELECT WORKS. venerable priestess, a personage turned of the old lady's pious concern for the souls that seventy, who seemed to exercise the func- were under her care, and our adventurer protions of her calling, in despite of the most posed an accommodation betwixt her and cruel ravages of time: for age had bent her the abbe, who was prevailed upon to ask her into the form of a Turkish bow: her head pardon, and received her blessing upon his was agitated by the palsy, like the leaf of knees. the poplar tree; her hair fell down in scanty This affair had not been long adjusted, parcels, as white as the driven snow; her when five damsels were introduced in a very face was not simply wrinkled, but ploughed gay dishabille, and our hero was compliinto innumerable furrows: her jaws could mented with the privilege of choosing his not boast of one remaining tooth; one eye Amanda from the whole bevy! when he was distilled a large quantity of rheum, by virtue provided, the others began to pair themselves, of the fiery edge that surrounded it; the other and unhappily the German count chanced to was altogether extinguished, and she had pitch upon the same nymph who had captilost her nose in the course of her ministra- vated the desires of the British knight: a tion. The Delphic sibyl was but a type of dispute immediately ensued, for the Englishthis hoary matron, who by her figure might man made his addresses to the lady, without have been mistaken for the consort of Chaos, paying the least regard to the priority of the or mother of Time. Yet there was some- other's claim: and she, being pleased with thing meretricious in her appearance, as it his attachment, did not scruple to renounce denoted her an indefatigable minister to the his rival, who swore by the thunder, lightning, pleasure of mankind; and as it formed an and sacrament, that he would not quit his agreeable contrast with the beauty and youth pretensions for any prince in Christendom, of the fair damsels that wantoned in her much less for a little English chevalier, whom train. It resembled those discords in music, he had already honoured too much in conwhich, properly disposed, contribute to the descending to be his companion. harmony of the whole piece; or those hor- The knight, provoked at this stately derible giants who, in the world of romance, claration, which was the immediate effect of used to guard the gates of the castle in which anger and ebriety, eyed his antagonist with the enchanted damsel was confined. a most contemptuous aspect, and advised This Urganda seemed to be aware of her him to avoid such comparisons for the future. own importance, and perfectly well acquaint- "We all know," said he, "the importance ed with the human appetite; for she com- of a German count; I suppose your revenue pelled the whole company to undergo her amounts to three hundred rix-dollars; and embrace; then a lackey in magnificent liv- you have a chateau that looks like the ruins erv ushered them into a superb apartment, of an English gaol. I will bind myself to where they waited some minutes, without lend you a thousand pounds upon a mortgage being favoured with the appearance of the of your estate (and a bad bargain I amn sure ladies, to the manifest dissatisfaction of the I shall have), if I do not, in less than two abbe, who, sending for the gouvernante, re- months, find a yeoman of Kent, wlio spends primanded her severely for her want of poli- more in strong ale than the sum total of tesse. The old lady, who was by no means your yearly income; and, were the truth a pattern of patience and submission, retort- known, I believe that lace upon your coat is ed his reproaches with great emphasis and no better than tinsel, and those fringed ruffles, vivacity: her eloquence flowed altogether in with fine Holland sleeves, tacked to a shirt the Covent-Garden strain; and I question of brown canvass, so that, were you to unwhether the celebrated Mother Douglas her- dress yourself before the lady, you would only self could have made such a figure in an ex- expose your own poverty and pride." temporaneous altercation. The count was so much enraged at these After having bestowed upon the abbe the sarcastic observations, that his faculty of epithets of saucy insignificant pimp, she put speech was overwhelmed by his resentment; him in mind of the good offices which he had though, in order to acquit himself of the Engreceived at her hands; how she had supplied lishman's imputation, he forthwith pulled off him with bed, board, and bed-fellow, in his his clothes with such fury, that his brocade greatest necessity; sent him abroad with waistcoat was torn from top to bottom. The money in his pockets, and, in a word, cherish- knight, mistaking his meaning, considered ed him in her bosom, when his own mother this demeanour as a fair challenge, to try had abandoned him to distress: she then re- which was the better man in the exercise of viled him for presuming to affront her before boxing; and, on that supposition, began to strangers, and gave the company to under- strip in his turn, when he was undeceived stand, that the young ladies would wait upon by Fathom, who put the right interpretation them as soon as they could be confessed and upon the count's behaviour, and begged that receive absolution from a worthy cordelier, the affair might be compromised. By this who was now employed in performing that time the Westphalian recovered the use of X:haritabie office. The gentlemen were satis- his tongue, and, with many threats and imSed with this remonstrance, which argued precations, desired they would take notice ADVENTURES OF FERDINAND COUNT FATHOM. 413 now falsely he had been aspersed, and do treated his antagonist with a cross-buttock, him justice in espousing his claim to the which laid him almost breathless on the floor. damsel in question. The victor was prevailed upon, by the enBefore the company had time or inclina- treaties of Fathom, to quit the field of battle, tion to interest themselves in the quarrel, his and adjourn into another room, where, in less opponent observed that no person who was than half an hour, he received a billet from not a mere German, would ever dream of the count, defying him to single combat on forcing the inclinations of a pretty girl, whom the frontiers of Flanders, at an appointed the accidents of fortune had subjected to his time and place. The challenge was immepower: that such compulsion was equivalent diately accepted by the knight, who, being to the most cruel rape that could be commit- flushed with conquest, treated his adversary ted: and that the lady's aversion was not at with great contempt. all surprising; for, to speak his own senti- But, next day, when the fumes of the mrents, were he a woman of pleasure, he Burgundy were quite exhaled, and the advenwould as soon grant favours to a Westpha- ture recurred to his remembrance and sober lian hog, as to the person of his antagonist. reflection, he waited upon our adventurer at The German, enraged at this comparison, his lodgings, and solicited his advice in such was quite abandoned by his patience and a manner, as gave him to understand that he discretion: he called the knight an English looked upon what had happened as a drunken clown, and, swearing he was the most un- brawl, which ought to have no serious contoward beast of a whole nation of mules, sequences. Fathom foreseeing that the affair snatched up one of the candlesticks, which might be managed for his own interest, prohe launched at him with such force and vio- fessed himself of the baronet's opinion; and, lence, that it sung through the air, and wing- without hesitation, undertook the office of a ing its flight into the anti-chamber, encoun- mediator, assuring his principal, that his tered the skull of his own valet, who with honour should suffer no stain in the course immediate prostration received the message of his negotiation. of his master. Having received the Englishman's acknowThe knight, that he might not be behind ledgements for this instance of friendship, he hand with the Westphalian, in point of cour- forthwith set out for the place of the Gertesy, returned the compliment with the re- man's habitation, and understanding he was maining chandelier, which also missed its still asleep, insisted upon his being immemark, and smiting a large mirror that was diately waked, and told, that a gentleman fixed behind them, emitted such a crash as from the chevalier desired to see him upon one might expect to hear if a mine were business of importance which could not be sprung beneath a manufacture of glass. Both delayed. Accordingly, his valet-de-chambre, lights being thus extinguished, a furious com- pressed by Fathom's importunities and rebat ensued in the dark; the Italian scampered monstrances, ventured to go in and shake off with infinite agility, and as he went down the count by the shoulder; when this furious stairs, desired that nobody would interpose, Teutonian, still agitated by the fever of the because it was an affair of honour, which preceding night, leaped out of bed in a frenzy, could not be made up. The ladies consulted and seizing his sword that lay upon a table, their safety in flight; Count Fathom slily would have severely punished the presumpretired to one corner of the room, while the tion of his servant, had not he been restrained abbe having upon him the terrors of the com- by the entrance of Ferdinand, who, with a missaire, endeavoured to appease and part peremptory countenance, gave him to under. the combatants, and in the attempt, sustained stand that the valet had acted at his immea random blow upon his nose, which sent diate instigation: and that he was come, as him howling into the other chamber, where, the Englishman's friend, to concert with finding his hand besmeared with his own him proper measures for keeping the appointblood, he began to caper about the apart- ment they had made at their last meeting. ment, in a transport of rage and vexation. This message effectually calmed the GerMeanwhile, the old gentlewoman being man, who was not a little mortified to find alarmed with the noise of the battle, and himself so disagreeably disturbed. He could apprehensive that it would end in murder, to not help cursing the impatience of his antathe danger and discredit of herself and family, gonist, and even hinting that he would have immediately mustered up her myrmidons, of acted more like a gentleman and good chriswhom she always retained a formidable band, tian, in expressing a desire of seeing the and, putting herself at their head, lighted affair accommodated, as he knew himself to be them to the scene of uproar: Ferdinand, who the aggressor, consequently the first offender nad hitherto observed a strict neutrality, no against the laws of politeness and good felsooner perceived them approach, than he lowship. Fathom, finding him in a fit temleaped in between the disputants, that he per of mind, took the opportunity of assentmight be found acting in the character of a ing to the reasonableness of his observation; peace-maker; and, indeed, by this time, vic- he ventured to condemn the impetuosity of tory had declared for the baronet. who had the baronet, who, he perceived, was extremely 414 SMOLLETT'S SELECT WORKS. nice and scrupulous in the punctilios of exchanged apologies, and renewed their forhonour; and said it was pity that two gen- mer correspondence. tlemen should forfeit each other's friendship, Our adventurer thought he had good reason much less expose their lives, for such a to congratulate himself upon the part he had frivolous cause. "My dear count!" cried acted in this pacification: he was treated by the Westphalian, "I am charmed to find both with signal marks of particular affection your sentiments so conformable to my own: and esteem. The count pressed him to in an honourable cause, I despise all danger; accept, as a token of his attachment, a sword my courage, thank Heaven! has been mani- of very curious workmanship, which he had fested in many public engagements as well received in a present from a certain prince as in private rencountres; but, to break with of the empire; the knight forced upon his my friend, whose eminent virtues I admire, finger a very splendid diamond ring, as a and even to seek his life, on such a scandal- testimony of his gratitude and esteem: but ous occasion, for a little insignificantw e, there was still another person to be appeased, who, I suppose, took the advantage of our before the peace of the whole company could intoxication, to foment the quarrel: by be established. This was no other than the Heaven! my conscience cannot digest it." abbe, from whom each of the reconciled Having expressed himself to this purpose, friends received at dinner a billet couched in lie waited impatiently for the reply of Ferdi- these words.nand, who, after a pause of deliberation,' I have the honour to lament the infinite offered his services in the way of mediation; chagrin and mortification that compels me to though, he observed, it was a matter of great address myself in this manner to a person delicacy, and the event altogether uncertain. of your rank and eminence, whom I should "Nevertheless," added our adventurer, "I do myself the pleasure of waiting upon in will strive to appease the knight, who, I hope, person, were I not prevented by the misforwill be induced by my remonstrances to tune of my nose, which was last night most forget the unlucky accident, which hath so cruelly disarranged, by a violent contusion I disagreeably interrupted your mutual friend- had the honour to receive, in attempting to ship." The German thanked him for this compose that unhappy fracas, at the house proof of his regard, which yielded him more of Madam la Maquerelle; and what puts the satisfaction on account of the chevalier than finishing stroke to my mishap, is my being of himnself:-"- For, by the tombs of my rendered incapable of keeping three or four fathers!" cried hie, "I have so little concern assignations with ladies of fashion, by whom for my personal safety, that, if my honour I have the honour to be particularly esteemed. were interested, I durst oppose myself singly The disfiguration of my nose, the pain I have to the whoe ban of the empire; and I am undergone, with the discomposure of brain now ready, if the chevalier requires it, to give which it produced, I could bear as a philosohim the rendezvous in the forest of Senlis, pher; but the disappointment of the ladies, either on horseback or on foot, where this my glory will not permit me to overlook; contest may be terminatedwith the life of one and as you know the injury was sustained in r both of us." your service, I have the pleasure to hope you Count Fathom, with a view to chastise the will not refuse to grant such reparation as VWestphalian for this rhodomontade, told him, will be acceptable to a gentleman, who has with a mortifying air of indifference, that if the honour to be, with inviolable attachment, they were both bent upon taking the field, sir, your most devoted slave, hle would save himself the trouble of inter- "PEPIN CLOTHIRE CHARLE HENRI posing farther in the affair; and desired to Louis BARNABE IDE FurrIER." know the hour at which it would suit him to This epistle was so equivocal, that the take the air with the baronet: the other not persons to whom it was addressed, did not a little embarrassed by this question, said, know whether or not they ought to interpret with a faltering tongue, he should be proud the contents into a challenge; when our hero to obey the chevalier's orders; but, at the observed, that the ambiguity of his expressions same time, owned he should be much better plainly proved there was a door left open for pleased if our hero would execute the pacific accommodation; and proposed they should proposal he had made. Fathom accordingly forthwith visit the writer at his own apartpromised to exert himself for that purpose, ment: they accordingly followed his advice, returned to the knight, with whom he as- and found the abbe in his morning gown and sumed the merit of having tranquillized the slippers, with three huge night-caps on his rage of an incensed barbarian, who was now head, and a crape hat-band tied over the disposed to a reconciliation upon equal terms: middle of his face, by way of bandage to his the baronet overwhelmed him with caresses nose. HIe received his visitors with the and compliments upon his friendship and most ridiculous solemnity, being still a address; the parties met that same forenoon, stranger to the purport of their errand; but as if by accident, in Fathom's apartment, soon as the Westphalian declared they were whlere they embraced each other cordially, come in consequence of his billet, in order to ADVENTURES OF FERDINAND COUNT FATIHOM. 415 ask pardon for the undesigned offence they While he thus enjoyed his pre-eminence, had given, his features retrieved their natural together with the fruits of his success at vivacity, and he professed'himself perfectly play, which he managed so discreetly, as satisfied with their polite acknowledgement. never to incur the reputation of an adventurer, Then they condoled him upon the evil plight he one day chanced to be at the ordinary, of his nose, and seeing some marks upon his when the company was surprised by the shirt, asked, with seeming concern, if he had entrance of such a figure as had never aplost any blood in the fray? To this interro- peared before in that place. This was no gation he replied, that he had still a sufficient other than a person habited in the exact quantity left for the occasions of his friends; uniform of an English jockey. His leathern and that he should deem it his greatest glory cap, cut bob, fustian frock, flannel waistcoat, to expend the last drop of it in their service. buff breeches, hunting boots, and whip, were Matters being thus amicably adjusted, they sufficient of themselves to furnish out a prevailed upon him to unease his nose, which phenomenon for the admiration of all Panris: retained no signs of the outrage he had but these peculiarities were rendered still suffered; and the amusements of the day more conspicuous by the behaviour of the were concerted. It was in consequence of man who owned them. When he crossed this plan, that, after the comedy, they were the threshold of the outward door, he proentertained at the count's lodgings, where duced such a sound from the smack of his quadrille was proposed by the abbe, as the whip, as equalled the explosion of an ordimost innocent pastime, and the proposal was nary cow-horn; and then broke forth into the immediately embraced by all present, and by halloo of a fox-hunter, which he uttered with none with more alacrity than by our ad- all its variations, in a strain of vociferation, venturer, who, without putting forth a moiety that seemed to astonish and confound the of his skill, went home with twenty louis whole assembly, to whom he introduced clear gain: though, far from believing him- himself and his spaniel, by exclaiming, in a self greatly superior to the rest of the party tone something less melodious than the cry in the artifices of play, he justly suspected of mackarel or live cod, —" By your leave that they had concealed their skill, with a gentlevolks, I hope there's no offence, in an view of stripping him on some other occasion; honest plain Englishman's coming with for he could not suppose, that persons of their money in his pocket, to taste a bit of your figure and character should be, in reality, such Vrench frigasee and ragooze." novices as they affected to appear. This declaration was made in such a wild fantastical manner, that the greatest part of the company mistook him for some savage CHAPTER XXIV. monster or maniac, and consulted their safety by starting up from table, and drawing Ire overlooks the advances of his friends, their swords. The Englishman, seeing such and smarts severely for his neglect. a martial apparatus produced against him, recoiled two or three steps, saying,-" Waunds, STEELED with this cautious maxim, he a believe the people are all bewitched: what, guarded himself from their united endeavours, do they take me for a beast of prey? is there in sundry subsequent attacks, by which his nobody here that knows Sir Stentor Stile, first conjecture was confirmed, and still came or can speak to me in my own lingo?" He off conqueror, by virtue of his unparalleled had no sooner pronounced these words, than finesse and discretion: till at length they the baronet, with marks of infinite surprise, seemed to despair of making him their prey, ran towards him, crying,-"' Good Heaven! and the count began to drop some hints, Sir Stentor, who expected to meet with you importing a desire of seeing him more closely in Parish" Upon which the other eyeing him united to the views and interest of their very earnestly,-" Odds heartlikins," cried triumvirate. But Ferdinand, who was alto- he, " my neighbour, Sir Giles Squirrel, as I gether selfish, and quite solitary in his pros- am a living soul!" With these words, he pects, discouraged all those advances; being flew upon him like a tiger, kissed him from resolved to trade upon his own bottom only, ear to ear, demolished his periwig, and disc and to avoid all such connections with any ordered the whole economy of his dress, to person or society whatever; much more, the no small entertainment of the company, withll a set of raw adventurers whose talents Having well nigh stifled his countryman he despised. With these sentiments, he with embraces, and besmeared himself with still maintained the dignity and reserve of pulville from head to foot, he proceeded in his first appearance among them, and rather this manner:-" Mercy upon thee, knight, enhanced than diminished that idea of im- thou art so transmographied, and bedaubed, portance which he had inspired at the be- and bedizened, that thou mought rob thy ginning; because, besides his other qualifica- own mother without fear of information. tions, they gave him credit for the address Look he here now, I will be trussed, if the with which he kept himself superior to their very b — that was brought up in thy own rumited designs. bosom knows thee again. Hey, Sweetlips, 416 SMOLLETT'S SELECT WORKS. here hussy, damn the tuoad, do'st n't know thy knight would endeavour to reserve him for old measter. Ey, ey, thou may'st smell till his own game; but he was too conscious of christmas, I'll be bound to be hanged, knight, his own accomplishments to think he should if the creature's nose an't foundered by the find great difficulty in superseding the indamned stinking perfumes you have got fluence of Sir Giles. among you." Meanwhile, the new comer was by his These compliments being past, the two friend helped to some ragout, which pleased knights sat down by one another, and Sir his palate so well, that he declared he should Stentor being asked by his neighbour upon now make a hearty meal, for the first time what errand he had crossed the sea, gave him since he had crossed the water; and, while to understand, that he had come to France, in his good humour prevailed, he drank to every consequence of a wager with'squire Snaffle, individual around the table. Ferdinand seized who had laid a thousand pounds, that he, Sir this opportunity of insinuating himself into Stentor, would not travel to Paris by himself, his favour, by saying in English, he was glad and for a whole month appear every day at a to find there was any thing in France that certain hour in the public'walks, without was agreeable to Sir Stentor. To this cornwearing any other dress than that in which pliment the knight replied with an air of he saw him.-" The fellor has got no more surprise,-" Waunds! I find here's another stuff in his pate," continued this polite stran- countryman of mine in this here company. ger, " than a jackass, to think I could not Sir, I am proud to see you with all my heart." find my way hither, thof I could not jabber So speaking, he thrust out his right hand your French lingo. Ecod! the people of across the table, and shook our hero by the this country are sharp enough, to find out fist, with such violence of civility, as proved your meaning, when you want to spend any very grievous to a French marquis, who, in thing among them: and as for the matter of helping himself to soup, was jostled in such dress, bodikins! for a thousand pounds I a manner, as to overturn the dividing-spoon would engage to live in the midst of them, in his own bosom. The Englishman, seeing and show myself without any clothes at all. the mischief he had produced, cried, —" No Odds heart! a true-born Englishman needs offence, I hope," in a tone of vociferation, not be ashamed to show his face, nor his which the marquis in all probability misconbackside neither, with the best Frenchman strued; for he began to model his features that ever trod the ground. Thof we English- into a very sublime and peremptory look, mnen don't beplaister our doublets with gold when Fathom interpreted the apology, and and silver, I believe as how we have our at the same time informed Sir Stentor, that pockets better lined than most of our neigh- although he himself had not the honour of bours; and for all my bit of a fustian frock, being an Englishman, he had always enterthat cost me in all but forty shillings, I be- tained a most particular veneration for the lieve, between you and me, knight, I have country, and learned the language in conse. more dust in my fob, than all those powdered quence of that esteem. sparks put together. But the worst of the " Blood!' answered the knight, 1" I thinll matter is this; here is no solid belly-timber myself the more obliged to you for you_ in this country: one can't have a slice of a kind opinion, than if you was my countrymarn delicate sirloin, or nice buttock of beef, for in good earnest; for there be abundance of love nor money. A pize upon them! I could we English, no offence, Sir Giles, that seem get no eatables upon the ruoad, but what they to be ashamed of their own nation, and leave call bully, which looks like the flesh of Pha- their homes to come and spend their forraoh's lean kine stewed into rags and tatters; tunes abroad, among a parcel of-you underand then their peajohn, peajohn, rabbet them! stand me, sir-a word to the wise, as the one would think every old woman of this saying is." —Here he was interrupted by an kingdom hatched pigeons from her ownbody." article of the second course, that seemed to It is not to be supposed that such an origi- give him great disturbance; this was a roasted nal sat unobserved. The French and other leveret, very strong of the fumet, which hapforeigners who had never been in England, pened to be placed directly under his nose. were struck dumb with amazement at the His sense of smelling was no sooner encounknight's appearance and deportment; while tered by the effluvia of this delicious fare, the English guests were overwhelmed with than he started up from table, exclaiming,shname and confusion, and kept a most wary " Odds my liver! here's a piece of carrion, silence, for fear of being recognized by their that I would not offer to e'er a hound in my countryman. As for our adventurer, he was kennel;'tis enough to make any christian Inwardly transported with joy at sight of this vomit both' gut and gall;" and indeed by the curiosity. He considered him as a genuine, wry faces he made while he ran to the door, rich country booby, of the right English his stomach seemed ready to justify this last growth, fresh as imported: and his heart assertion. throbbed with rapture when he heard Sir The abbe, who concluded, from these sympStentor value himself upon the lining of his toms of disgust, that the leveret was not pockets; he foresaw, indeed, that the other sufficiently stale, began to exhibit marks of ADVENTURES OF FERDINAND COUNT FATHOM. 417 discontent, and desired that it might be swore eternal friendship from that day, and brought to the other end of the table for his swallowed fresh bumpers, till both being in examination. He accordingly hung over it all appearance quite overpowered, they bewith the most greedy appetite, feasting his gan to yawn in concert, and even nod in nostrils with the steams of animal.putrefac- their chairs. The knight seemed to resent tion: and at length declared that the morceau the attacks of slumber, as so many impertiwas passable, though he owned it would have nent attempts to interrupt their entertainbeen highly perfect, had it been kept another mert; he cursed nis own propensity to sleep, week. Nevertheless, mouths were not want- imputing it to the damned French climate; ing to discuss it, insipid as it was, for in and proposed to engage in some pastime that three minutes there was not a vestige to be would keep them awake.-," Odd's flesh!" seen of that which had offended the organs cried the Briton, " when I'm at home, I defy of Sir Stentor, who now resumed his place, all the devils in hell to fasten my eyelids toand did justice to the dessert. But what he gether, if so be as I am otherwise inclined; for seemed to relish better than any other part there's mother and sister Nan, and brother of the entertainment, was the conversation Numps and I, continue to divert ourselves of our adventurer, whom, after dinner, he at all-fours, brag, cribbage, tetotum, husslebegged to have the honour of treating with cup, and chuck.varthing, and tho'f I say it, a dish of coffee, to the seeming mortification that shouldn't say it, I won't turn my back of his brother knight, over which Fathom to e'er a he in England at any of these pasexulted in his own heart. times; and so, count, if you are so disposed, In short, our hero, by his affability and I am your man, that is in the way of friendengaging deportment, immediately gained ship, at which of these you shall please to possession of Sir Stentor's good graces, in- pitch upon." somuch, that he desired to crack a bottle To this proposal Fathom replied, he was with him in the evening, and they repaired quite ignorant of all the games he had mento an auberge, whither his fellow-knight ac- tioned; but, in order to amuse Sir Stentor, companied them, not without manifest signs he would play with him at lansquenet, for a of reluctance. There the stranger gave a trifle, as he had ]aid it down for a maxim, to loose to jollity; though at first he damned the risk nothingconsiderable at play. "W'ounds!" burgundy as a poor thin liquor, that ran answered the knight, "Ihopeyou don't think through him in a twinkling, and, instead of I come here in quest of money. Thank God! warming, cooled his heart and bowels; how- I have a good landed estate worth five thouever, it insensibly seemed to give the lie to sand a-year, and owe no man a halfpenny, his imputation; for his spirits rose to a more and I question whether there be many counts elevated pitch of mirth and good fellowship; in your nation, no offence, I hope, that can he sung, or rather roared, the Early Horn, say a bolder word. As for your lambskinnet, so as to alarm the whole neighbourhood, and I know nothing of the matter; but I will toss began to slabber his companions with a most up with you for a guinea, cross or pile, as the bear-like affection. Yet whatever haste he saying is; or, if there's such a thing in this made to the goal of ebriety, he was distanced country as a box and dice, I love to hear the by his brother baronet, who from the begin- bones rattle sometimes." ning of the party had made little other use Fathom found some difficulty in conceal of his mouth than to receive the glass, and ing his joy, at the mention of this last amusenow sunk down upon the floor, in a state of ment, which had been one of his chief studies. temporary annihilation. and in which he had'Tnade such progress, that He was immediately carried to bed by the he could calculate all the chances with the direction of Ferdinand, who now saw him- utmost exactness and certainty. However, self in a manner possessor of that mine to he made shift to contain himself within due which he had made such eager and artful bounds; and, with seeming indifference conadvances. That he might, therefore, carry sented to pass away an hour at hazard, proon the approaches in the same cautious man- vided the implements could be procured. ner, he gradually shook off the trammels of Accordingly, the landlord was consulted, and sobriety, gave a loose to that spirit of free- their desire gratified; the dice were produced, dorn which good liquor commonly inspires, and the table resounded with the effects of and, in the familiarity of drunkenness, owned their mutual eagerness. Fortune, at first, himself head of a noble family of Poland, declared for the Englishman, who was perfrom which he had been obliged to absent mittedby our adventurer to win twenty broad himself on account of an affair of honour, pieces; and he was so elated with his sue not yet compromised. cess, as to accompany every lucky throw Having made this confession, and laid with aloud burst of laughter, and other savage strong injunctions of secrecy upon Sir Sten- and simple manifestations of excessive joy, tor, his countenance seemed to acquire from exclaiming, in a tone something- less sweet every succeeding glass a new symptom of than the bellowing of a bull,-" Now for the intoxication; they renewed their embraces, main, count,-odd! here they come-here 3C 418 SMTNOLLETTS SELECT WORKS. are the seven black stars, i'faiths. Come moralize upon, and accordingly it did not along my yellow boys-odds heart! I never pass without his remarks. He found himself liked the face of Lewis before." fairly foiled at his own weapons, reduced to Fathom drew happy presages from these indigence in a foreign land, and, what he boyish raptures, and, after having indulged chiefly *regretted, robbed of all those gay them for some time, began to avail himself expectations he had indulged from his own of his arithmetic, in consequence of which supposed excellence in the wiles of fiaud; the knlight was obliged to refund the greatest for, upon a little recollection, he plainly perpart of his winning: then he altered his note, ceived he had fallen a sacrifice to the conand became as intemperate in his chagrin, as federacy he had refused to join; and did not he had been before immoderate in his mirth. at all doubt that the dice were loaded for his HIe cursed himself and his whole generation, destruction: but, instead of beating his head damned his bad luck, stamped with his feet against the wall, tearing his hair, imprecating upon the floor, and challenged Ferdinand to vain curses upon himself, or betraying other double stakes. This was a very welcome frantic symptoms of despair, he resolved to proposal to our hero, who found Sir Stentor accommodate himself to his fate, and profit J.ust such a subject as he had long desired to by the lesson he had so dearly bought. encounter with; the more the Englishman With this intention, he immediately dislaid, the more lie lost, and Fathom took care missed his valet, quitted his lodgings, retired to inflame his passions, by certain well-timed to an obscure street on the other side of the sarcasms upon his want of judgment, till at river, and, covering one eye with a large length he became quite outrageous, swore patch of black silk, presented himself in the dice were false, and threw them out at quality of a musician to the director of the the window; pulled off his periwig, and cor- opera, who, upon hearing a trial of his skill, mitted it to the flames, spoke with the most received him into the band without further rancorous contempt of his adversary's skill, question. While he continued in this situainsisted upon his having stripped many a bet- tion, he not only improved his taste and ter man, for all he was a count, and threatening execution in music, but likewise found firethat, before they parted, he should not only quent opportunities to extend his knowledge look like a Pole, but also smell like a pole-cat. of mankind; for, besides the employment he This was a spirit which our adventurer exercised in public, he was often concerned industriously kept up, observing that the in private concerts that were given in the English were dupes to all the world; and hotels of noblemen; by which means he bethat, in point of genius and address, they carne more and more acquainted with the 3welre no more than noisy braggadocios. In persons, manners, and characters of high short, another pair of dice was procured, the life, which he contemplated with the most stakes were again raised, and, after several industrious attention, as a spectator, who, vicissitudes, fortune declared so much in fa- being altogether unconcerned in the performvour of the knight, that Fathom lost all the ance, is at more liberty to observe and enjoy noney in his pocket, amounting to a pretty the particulars of the entertainment. considerable sum. By this time he was It was in one of those assemblies he had warmed into uncommon eagerness and im- the pleasure of seeing his friend Sir Stentor, patience, being equally piqued at the success dressed in the most fashionable manner, and and provoking exultations of his antagonist, behaving with all the overstrained politesse whom he now invited to his lodgings, in of a native Frenchman. He was accomorder to decide the contest. Sir Stentor panied by his brother knight and the abbe; complied with his request; the dispute was and this triumvirate, even in Fathom's hearrenewed with various success, till, towards ing, gave a most ludicroussietail of the finesse day-light, Ferdinand saw this noisy, raw, they had practised upon the Polish count to inexperienced simpleton, carry off all his their entertainer, who was ambassador from ready cash, together with his jewels, and a certain court, and made himself extremely almost every thing that was valuable about merry with the particulars of the relation. his person; and, to crown the whole, the vic- Indeed, they made shift to describe some of tor at parting told him, with a most intolera- the circumstances in such a ridiculous light, ble sneer, that so soon as the count should that our adventurer himself, smarting as he receive another remittance from Poland, he was with the disgrace, could not help laughwvould give him his revenge. ing in secret at the account. He afterwards made it his business to inquire into the characters of the two British knights, and CHAPTER XXV. understood they were notorious sharpers, who had come abroad for the good of their Ire bears his fate like a philosopher; and country, and now hunted in couple among a countracts acquaintance with a very re- French pack, that dispersed themselves markable personag-e. through the public ordinaries, walks, and spectacles, in order to make a prey of in. Tins was a proper subject for our hero to cautious strangers. ADVENTURES OF FERDINAND COUNT FATHOM. 419 The pride of Ferdinand was piqued at this and though the first transports of his grief information; and he was even animated with had subsided, it was easy to perceive he still the desire of making reprisals upon this indulged a deep-rooted melancholy, for the fraternity, from which he ardently longed to tears were frequently observed to trickle retrieve his honour and effects; but the issue down his beard. The commissaire of the of his last adventure had reinforced his cau- quarter had at first ordered this oriental to tion, and, for the present, he found means to be watched in his outgoings, according to suppress the dictates of his avarice and the maxims of the French police; but his ambition, resolving to employ his whole life was found so regular and inoffensive, penetration in reconnoitring the ground, that this precaution was soon set aside. before he should venture to take the field Any man of humane sentiments, from the again. He therefore continued to act the knowledge of these particulars, would have part of a one-eyed fiddler, under the name been prompted to offer his services to the of Fadini, and lived with incredible frugality, forlorn stranger; but as our hero was devoid that he might save a purse for his future of all these infirmities of' human nature, it operations. In this manner had he proceeded was necessary that other motives should for the space of ten months, during which he produce the same effect: his curiosity, thereacquired a competent knowledge of the city fore, joined with the hopes of converting the of Paris, when his curiosity was attracted by confidence of Ali to his own emolument, certain peculiarities in the appearance of a effectually impelled him towards his acquaintman who lived in one of the upper apart- ance; and in a little time they began to ments belonging to the house in which he relish the conversation of each other; for, himnself had fixed his habitation. as the reader may have already observed, This was a tall, thin, meagre figure, with a Fathom possessed all the arts of insinuation, long black beard, an aquiline nose, a brown and had discernment enough to perceive an complexion, and a most piercing vivacity in air of dignity in the Persian, which the his eyes: he seemed to be about the age of humility of his circumstances could not confifty, wore the Persian habit, and there was ceal. He was, moreover, a man of good a remarkable severity in his aspect and de- understanding, not without a tincture, of meanour. He and our adventurer had been letters, perfectly well bred, though in a fellow-lodgers for some time, and, according ceremonious style, extremely moral in his to the laudable custom of these days, had discourse, and scrupulously nice in his nohitherto remained as much estranged to one tions of honour. another as if they had lived on opposite sides Our hero conformed himself in all respects of the globe; but of late the Persian seemed to the other's opinions, and managed his to regard our hero with particular attention: discretion so as to pass upon him for a gentlewhen they chanced to meet on the stair-case, man reduced by misfortunes to the exercise or elsewhere, he bowed to Ferdinand with of an employment which was altogether great solemnity, and complimented him with unsuitable to his birth and quality. He made the pas: he even proceeded in the course of earnest and repeated tenders of his good this communication, to open his mouth, and offices to the stranger, and pressed him to salute him with a good morrow; and some- make use of his purse, with such cordial times made the common remarks upon the perseverance, that at length Ali's reserve weather. Fathom, who was naturally com- was overcome, and he condescended to plaisant, did not discourage these advances; borrow of him a small sum, which in all on the contrary, he behaved to him with probability saved his life; for he had been marlks of particular respect, and one day driven to the utmost extremity of want before desired the favour of his company to break- he would accept of this assistance. fist. Fathom, having gradually stolen into his This invitation the stranger declined with good graces, began to take notice of many due acknowledgement, on pretence of being piteous sighs that escaped him in the moout of order; and, in the mean time, our ments of their intercourse, and seemed to adventurer bethought himself of questioning denote a heart fraught with woe; and, on the landlord concerning his outlandish guest. pretence of administering consolation and His curiosity was rather inflamed than satis- counsel, begged leave to know the cause of fled with the information he could obtain his distress; observing, that his mind would from this quarter; for all he learned was, be disburdened by such communication, and that the Persian went by the name of Ali perhaps his grief alleviated by some means Beker, and that he had lived in the house for which they might jointly concert and execute the space of four months, in a most solitary in his behalf. and parsimonious manner, without being Alli, thus solicited, would often shake his visited by one living soul; that, for some head, with marks of extreme sorrow and time after his arrival, he had been often heard despondence; and, while the tears gushed to groan dismally in the night, and even to from his eyes, declared that his distress was exclaim in an unknown language, as if he beyond the power of any remedy but death, had laboured under some grievous affliction; and that, by making our' hero his confidant, 142f0 0SMOLLETT'S SELECT WORKS. he should only extend his unhappiness to a to believe he rejoiced at the opportunity of friend, without feeling the least remission of exercising his resentment upon his adverhis own torture. Notwithstanding these sary's son; for he withheld from me that repeated declarations, Ferdinand, who was countenance which my fellow-officers enjoywell enough acquainted with the mind of ed, and found means to subject me to divers man to know that such importunity is seldom mortifications, of which I was not at liberty or never disagreeable, redoubled his instances, to complain. These I bore in silence for together with his expressions of sympathy some time, as part of my probation in the and esteem, until the stranger was prevailed character of a soldier; resolved nevertheless upon to gratify his curiosity and benevolence. to employ my interest at court for a removal HIaving therefore secured the chamber door into another corps, and to take some future one night, while all the rest of the family opportunity of explaining my sentiments to were asleep, the unfortunate Ali disclosed Don Gonzales upon the injustice of his behimself in these words. haviour. While I animated myself with these sentiments against the discouragements I underCHAPTER XXVI. went, and the hard duty to which I was daily exposed, it was our fate to be concerned in The history of the noble Castilian. the battle of Saragossa, where our regiment was so severely handled by the English inI SHOULD be ungrateful, as well as unwise, fantry, that it was forced to give ground with did I longer resist the desire you express to the loss of one-half of its officers and men. know the particulars of that destiny which Don Gonzales, who acted as brigadier in hath driven me to this miserable disguise, and another wing, being informed of our fate, rendered me in all considerations the most and dreading the disgrace of his corps, which wretched of men. I have felt your friend- had never turned back to the enemy, put ship, am confident of your honour, and spurs to his horse, and riding across the field though my misfortunes are such as can never at full speed, rallied our broken squadrons, be repaired, because I am utterly cut off from and led us back to the charge with such inhope, which is the wretch's last comfort, yet trepidity of behaviour, as did not fail to I may, by your means, be enabled to bear inspire us all with uncommon courage and them with some degree of fortitude and alacrity: for my own part, I thought myself resignation. doubly interested to distinguish my valour, Know then, my name is not Ali; neither not only on account of my own glory, but am I of Persian extraction. I had once the likewise on the supposition, that, as I was honour to own myself a Castilian, and was, acting under the eye of Gonzales, my conduct under the appellation of Don Diego de Zelos, would be narrowly observed. respected as the head of one of the most I therefore exerted myself with unusual ancient families of that kingdom. Judge vigour, and as he began the attack with the then how severe that distress must be, which remains of my troop, fought close by his side compels a Spaniard to renounce his country, during the rest of the engagement. I even his honours, and his name. My youth was acquired his applause in the very heat of not spent in inglorious ease, neither did it battle: when his hat was struck off, and his waste unheeded in the rolls of fame: before horse fell under him, I accommodated and I had attained the age of nineteen, I was remounted him upon my own, and having twice wounded in battle: I once fortunately seized for my own use another that belonged recovered the standard of the regiment to to a common trooper, attended this stern which I belonged, after it had been seized commander as before, and seconded him in by the enemy; and at another occasion made all his repeated efforts; but it was impossible shift to save the life of my colonel, when he to withstand the numbers and impetuosity lay at the mnercy of an enraged barbarian. of the foe, and Don Gonzales having had the He that thinks I recapitulate these par- mortification to see his regiment cut in ticulars out ofpstentation, does:wrong to the pieces, and the greatest part of the army unhappy Don Diego de Zelos, who, in having routed, was fain to yield to the fortune of the performed these little acts of gallantry, thinks day; yet he retired as became a man of honour he has done nothing, but simply approved and a Castilian; that is, he marched off with himself worthy of being called a Castilian. great deliberation in the rear of the Spanish I mean only to do justice to my own cha- troops, and frequently faced about to check racter, and to make you acquainted with one the pursuit of the enemy. Indeed, this exerof the most remarkable incidents of my life. cise of his courage had well nigh cost him It was my fate, during my third campaign, to his life; for, in one of these wheelings he command a troop of horse in the regiment was left almost alone, and a small party of,of Don-Gonzales Orgullo, between whom the Portuguese horse had actually cut off and my father a family-feud had long been our communication with the retreating forces maintained with great enmity; and that of Spain. gentleman did not'leave me without reason In this dilemma, we had no other chance ADVENTURES OF FERDINAND COUNT FATHOM. 421 of saving our lives and liberty, than that of' thoughts upon the road were engrossed by opening a passage sword in hand; and this the hope of seeing Don Orgullo's daughter was what Gonzales instantly resolved to at- and heiress Antonia, who was reported to be tempt. We accordingly recommended our a young lady of great beauty, and the most souls to God, and charging the line abreast amiable accomplishments. However ridicuof one another, bore down all opposition, and lous it may seem for a man to conceive a were in a fair way of accomplishing our re- passion for an object which he hath never treat without further danger; but the gallant beheld, certain it is, my sentiments were so Orgullo, in crossing a ditch, had the misfor- much prepossessed by the fame of her qualitune to be thrown from his horse, and was fications, that I must have fallen a victim to almost the same instant overtaken by one her charms, had they been much-less powerof the Portuguese dragoons, whose sword ful than they were. Notwithstanding the was already suspended over his head, as he fatigues I had undergone in the field, I closed lay half-stunned with his fall; when I rode not an eye until I arrived at the gate of Gonup, discharged a pistol in the ruffian's brain, zales, being determined to precede the report and, seating my colonel on his horse, had the of the battle, that Madam d'Orgullo might good fortune to conduct him to a place of not be alarmed for the life of her husband. safety. I declared my errand, and was introduced IHere he was provided with such accom- into a saloon, where I had not waited above modation as his case required; for he had three minutes, when my colonel's lady apbeen wounded in the battle, and dangerously peared, and, in great confusion, received the bruised by his fall, and, when all the neces- letter, exclaiming,-" Heaven grant that Don sary steps were taken towards his recovery, Gonzales bewell!" In reading the contents, I desired to know if he had any further com- she underwent a variety of agitations; but, mands for my service, being resolved to join when she had perused the whole, her counthe army without delay. I thought proper tenance regained its serenity, and, regarding to communicate this question by message, me with an air of ineffable complacency,because he had not spoke one word to me " Don Diego," said she, " while I lament the during our retreat, notwithstanding the good national calamity, in the defeat of our army, office he had received at my hands; a reserve I at the same time feel the most sincere pleawhich I attributed to his pride, and resented sure in seeing you upon this occasion, and, accordingly. He no sooner understood my according to the directions of my dear lord, intention, than he desired to see me in his bid you heartily welcome to this house, as apartment, and, as near as I can remember, his preserver and friend. I was not unacspoke to this effect- quainted with your character, before this last "Were your father Don Alonzo alive, I triumph of your virtue, and have often prayed should now, in consequence of your beha- to Heaven for some lucky determination of viour, banish every suggestion of resentment, that fatal quarrel which raged so long between and solicit his friendship with great sincerity. the family of Gonzales and your father's Yes, Don Diego, your virtue hath triumphed house. My prayers have been heard, the over that enmity I bore your house, and I long-wished-for reconciliation is now effectupbraid myself with the ungenerous treat- ed, and I hope nothing will ever intervene to ment you have suffered under my command. disturb this happy union." l3ut it is not enough for me to withdraw that To this polite and affectionate declaration, rigour which it was unjust to exercise, and I made such a reply as became a young mnan, would be wicked to maintain: I must like- whose heart overflowed with joy and benevowise atone for the injuries you have sustained, lence, and desired to know how soon hler and make some suitable acknowledgement answer to'my commander would be ready, for that life which I have twice to-day owed that I might gratify his impatience with all to your valour and generosity. Whatever possible dispatch. After having thanked me interest I have at court shall be employed in for this fresh proof of my attachment, she your behalf; and I have other designs in your begged I would retire into a chamber, and favour, which shall be disclosed in due sea- repose myself from the uncommon fatigues I son. Meanwhile, I desire you will still add must have undergone; but, finding I persisted one obligation to the debt which I have al- in the resolution of returning to Don Gonready incurred, and carry this billet in person zales, without allowing myself the least bento my Estifania, who, from the news of this efit of sleep, she left me engaged in converfatal overthrow, must be in despair upon my sation with an uncle of Don Gonzales, who account." lodged in the house, and gave orders that a So saying, he presented a letter, directed collation should be prepared in another apart-.o his lady, which I received in a transport ment, while she retired to her closet, and of joy, with expressions suitable to the occa- wrote a letter to her husband. sion, and immediately set out for his country- In less than an hour from my first arrival house, which happened to be about thirty I was introduced into a most elegant diningleagues from the spot. This expedition was 1room, where a magnificent entertainment equally glorious and interesting; for my was served up, and where we were joined 422 SMOLLETT'S SELECT WORKS. by Donna Estifania, and her beautiful daugh- tunity of acquiring such a degree of my ter the fair Antonia, who, advancing with colonel's esteem, entertained them with a the most amiable sweetness, thanked me, in detail of his personal prowess in the battle, very warm expressions of acknowledgement, and answered all their questions with that for the generosity ofmy conduct towards her moderation which every man ought to prefather. I had been ravished with her first serve in speaking of his own behaviour. Our appearance, which far exceeded my imagi- repast being ended, I took my leave of the nation, and my faculties were so disordered ladies, and at parting received a letter from by this address, that I answered her compli- Donna Estifania to her husband, together ment with the most awkward confusion. But with a ring of great value, which she begged this-disorder did not turn to my prejudice in I would accept, as a token of her esteem. the opinion of that lovely creature, who has Thus loaded with honour and caresses, I set often told me in the sequel, that she gave out on my return for the quarters of Don Gonherself credit for that perplexity in my be- zales, who could scarce credit his own eyes haviour, and that I never appeared more when I delivered his lady's billet; for he worthy of her regard and affection than at thought it impossible to perform such a jourthat juncture, when my dress was discom- ney in so short a time. posed, and my whole person disfigured by When he had glanced over the paper,the toils and duty of the preceding day; for " Don Diego," said he, " by your short stay this very dishabille presented itself to her one would imagine you had met with indifreflection as the immediate effect of that very ferent reception at my house: I hope Estimerit by which I was entitled to her esteem. fania has not been deficient in her duty? 3 Wretch that I am! to survive the loss of answered this question, by assuring him my such an excellent woman, endeared to my entertainment had been so agreeable in all remembrance by the most tender offices of respects, that nothing but my duty to him wedlock, happily exercised for the space of could have induced me to give it up so soon. five-and-twenty years! Forgive these tears; He then turned the conversation upon Anthey are not the drops of weakness, but re- tonia, and hinted his intention of giving her norse. Not to trouble you with idle parti- in marriage to a young cavalier, for whom culars, suffice it to say, I was favoured with he had a particular friendship. I was so such marks of distinction by Madame d'Or- much affected by this insinuation, which gullo, that she thought it incumbent upon seemed at once to blast all my hopes of love her to let me know she had not overacted and happiness, that the blood forsook my her hospitality, and, while we sat at table, face; I was seized with a universal trepidaaccosted me in these words. —" You will not tion, and even obliged to retire, on pretence be surprised, Don Diego, at my expressions of being suddenly taken ill. of regard, which I own are unusual firom a Though Gonzales seemed to impute this Spanish lady to a young cavalier like you, disorder to fatigue and want of rest, he in when I communicate the contents of this let- his heart ascribed it to the true cause; and, ter from Don Gonzales." So saying, she after having sounded my sentiments to his put the billet into my hand, and I read these own satisfaction, blest me with a declaration, words, or words to this effect- importing, that I was the person upon whlom " AiIABLE IsrTIFANIA, —YOU will under- he had pitched for a son-in-law. I will not stand, that I am as well as a person can poss- trouble you with a repetition of what passed ibly be who hath this day lived to see the on this interesting occasion, but proceed to army of his king defeated. If you would observe, that his intention in my favour was know the particulars of this unfortunate ac- far from being disagreeable to his lady; and tion, your curiosity will.be gratified by the that, in a little time, I had the good fortune bearer, Don Diego de Zelos, to whose virtue to espouse the charming Antonia, who suband bravery I am twice indebted for my life. mitted to the will of her father without reI therefore desire you will receive him with luctance. that respect and gratitude which you shall Soon after this happy event, I was, by the think due for such an obligation; and, in en- influence of Don Gonzales, joined to my own tertraining him, dismiss that reserve which interest, promoted to the command ofa regioften disgraces the Spanish hospitality. In ment, and served with honour during the a word, let your own virtue and beneficence remaining part of the war. After the trea.ty conduct you upon this occasion, and let my of Utrecht, I was employed in reducino tlhe Antonia's endeavours be joined with your Catalans to their allegiance; and, in an acown in doing honour to the preserver of her tion with those obstinate rebels, had the nisfather. Adieu." fortune to lose my father-in-law, who by that Such a testimonial could not fail of being time was preferred to the rank of a majorvery agreeable to a young soldier, who by general. The virtuous Estifania did not long this time had begun to indulge the transport- survive this melancholy accident; and the ing hope of being happy in the arms of the loss of these indulgent parents made such a adorable Antonia. I professed myself ex- deep impression upon the tender heart of my tremely happy in having met with an oppor- Antonia, that I took thle first opportunity of ADVENTURES OF FERDINAND COUNT FATHOM. 423 removing her from a place in which every not fail to make conquests among the object served to cherish her grief, to a plea- Spanish cavaliers, who are famous for sensisant villa near the city pf Seville, which I bility in love. Indeed, she never appeared purchased on account of its agreeable situa- without a numerous train of admirers; and, tion. That I might the more perfectly enjoy though we had bred her up in that freedom the possession of my amiable partner, who of conversation and intercourse which holds could no longer brook the thoughts of another a middle space between the French license separation, peace was no sooner re-estab- and Spanish restraint, she was now so much lished than I obtained leave to resign my exposed to the addresses of promiscuous commission, and I wholly devoted myself to gallantry, that we found it necessary to the joys of a domestic life. retrench the liberty of our house, and behave Heaven seemed to smile upon our union, to our male visitants with great reserve and by blessing us with a son, whom, however, circumspection, that our honour and peace it was pleased to recall in his infancy, to our might run no risk from the youth and inunspeakable grief and mortification, but our experience of our daughter. mutual chagrin was afterwards alleviated by This caution produced overtures from a the birth of a daughter, who seemed born great many young gentlemen of rank and with every accomplishment to excite the love distinction, who courted my alliance, by deand admiration of mankind. Why did nature manding Serafina in marriage; and from the debase such a masterpiece with the mixture number I had actually selected one person, of an alloy, which hath involved herself and who was in all respects worthy the possession her whole family in perdition? but the ways of such an inestimable prize. His name was of Providence are unsearchable. She hath Don Manuel de Mendoza: his birth was paid the debt of her degeneracy; peace be noble, and his character dignified with rewith her soul! The honour of my family is peated acts of generosity and virtue. Yet, vindicated; though by a sacrifice which bath before I would signify to him my approbation robbed me of every thing else that is valuable of his suit, I resolved to inform myself in life, and ruined my peace past all redemp- whether or not the heart of Serafina was tion. Yes, my friend, all the tortures that totally unengaged, and indifferent to any human tyranny can inflict would be ease, other object, that I might not lay a tyrannical tranquillity, and delight, to the unspeakable restraint upon her inclinations. The result pangs and horrors I have felt. of mty inquiry was a fiull conviction of her Butto return from thisdigression. Serafina, having hitherto been deaf to the voice of which was the name of that little darling, as love; and this piece of information, together she grew up, not only disclosed all the natu- with my own sentiments in his favour, I ral graces of external beauty, but likewise communicated to Don Manuel, who heard manifested the most engaging sweetness of these tidings with transports of gratitude and disposition, and a capacity for acquiring with joy. He was immediately favoured with ease all the accomplishments of her sex. It opportunities of acquiring the affection of my is impossible to convey any adequate idea of daughter, and his endeavours were at first a parent's raptures in the contemplation of received with such respectful civility, as such a fair blossom: she was the only pledge might have been easily warmed into a mutual of our love, she was presumptive heiress to passion, had not the evil genius of our family a large fortune, and likely to be the sole re- interposed. presentative of two noble Castilian families. O my friend! how shall I describe the She was the delight of all who saw her, and depravity oftlhat unhappy virgin's sentiments! a theme of praise for every tongue. You are how recount the particulars of my own disnot to suppose that the education of such a honour! I that am descended from a long line child was neglected. Indeed it wholly en- of illustrious Castilians, who never received an grossed the attention of me and my Antonia, injury they did not revenge, but washed away and her proficiency rewarded our care. Be- every blemish in their fame with the blood fore she had attained the age of fifteen, she of those who attempted to stain it. In that was mistress of every elegant qualification, circumstance I have imitated the example of natural and acquired. Her person was, by my glorious progenitors, and that considera that time, the confessed pattern of beauty. tion alone hath supported me against all the Her voice was encbantingly sweet, and she assaults of despair. touched the lute with the most ravishing dex- As I grudged no pains and expense in per terity. Heaven and earth! how did my fecting the education of Serafina, my doors breast dilate with joy at the thoughts of hav- were open to every person who made an ing given birth to such perfection! how did extraordinary figure in the profession of my heart gush with paternal fondness, when- those amusing sciences in which she delightever I beheld this ornament of my name! ed. The house of Don Diego de Zelos was and what scenes of endearing transport have a little academy for painting, poetry, and I enjoyed with my Antonia, in mutual con- music; and Heaven decreed that. it should gratulation upon our parental happiness. fall a sacrifice to its regard for these fatal Serafina, accomplished as she was, could and delusive arts. Among other preceptors, 36 424 SAIOLLETT'S SELECT WORKS. - it was her fate to be under the instruction of of my childhood.-" My duty," said she, a cursed German, who, though his profession " will no longer permit me to wink in silence was drawing, understood the elements and at the wrongs I see'you-daily suffer. Dismiss theory of music, possessed a large fund of that German from your house without delay, learning and taste, and was a person re- if you respect the glory of your name, and markable for his agreeable conversation, the rights of our holy religion; the stranger This traitor, who like you had lost one eye, is an abominable heretic; and, grant Heaven! I not only admitted into my house for the he may not have already poisoned the minds improvement of my daughter, but even dis- of those you hold most dear." I had been tirguished with particular marks ofconfidence extremely alarmed at the beginning of this and favour, little thinking he had either in- address; but, finding the imputation limited clination or capacity to debauch the senti- to the alrticle of religion, in which, thank ments of my child. I was rejoiced beyond God, I am no bigot, I1 recovered my serenity measure to see with what alacrity she re- of disposition, thanked the old woman for ceived his lessons, with what avidity she her zeal, commended her piety,: and en-.isteped to his discourse, which was always couraged her to persevere in making observaequally moral, instructing, and entertaining. tions on such subjects as should concern my Antonia seemed to vie with me in ex- honour and my quiet. pressions of regard for this accomplished We live in such a world of wickedness stranger, whom she could not help supposing and fraud, that a man cannot be too vigilant to be a person of rank and family, reduced to in his own defence: had I employed such his present situation by some unfortunate spies from the beginning, I should in all provicissitude of fate. I was disposed to concur bability have been at this day in possession with this opinion, and actually conjured him of every comfort that renders life agreeable. to make me his confidant, with such protesta- The duenna, thus authorized, employed her tions as left him no room to doubt.my honour sagacity with such success, that I had reason and beneficence; but he still persisted in to suspect the German of a design upon the declaring himself the son of an obscure heart of Serafina; but, as the presumptions mechanic in Bohemia; an origin to which did not amount to conviction, I contented surely no man would pretend who had the myself with exiling him from my house, least claim to nobility of birth. While I was under the pretext of having discovered that thus undeceived in my conjecture touching he was an enemy to the catholic church; and his birth and quality, I was confirmed in an forthwith appointed a day for the celebration opinion of his integrity and moderation, and of my daughter's marriage with Don Manuel looked upon him as a man of honour, in de Mendoza. I could easily perceive a cloud despite ofthe lowness of his pedigree. Never- of melancholy overspread the faces of Seraiheless, he was at bottom a most perfidious fina and lier mother, when I declared these wretch, and all this modesty and self-denial my resolutions; but, as they made no objecwere the effects of the most villainous dis- tion to what I proposed, I did not at that time simulation, a cloak under which he, un- enter into an explanation of the true motives suspected, robbed me of my honour and my that influenced my conduct. Both parties peace. were probably afraid of such expostulation. Not to trouble you with particulars, the Meanwhile preparations were made for the recital of which would tear my heart-strings espousals of Serafina; and, notwithstanding with indignation and remorse, I shall only the anxiety I had undergone, on account of observe, that, by the power of his infernal her connection with the German, I began to insinuation, he fascinated the heart of Sera- think that her duty, her glory had triumphec fina, brought over Antonia herself' to the over all such low-born considerations, if ever interests of his passion, and at once detached they had been entertained; because she, and them both from their duty and religion. even Antonia, seemed to expect the cereHeaven and earth! how dangerous, how irre- mony with resignation, though the features sistible is the power of infatuation! While I of both still retained evident mnarks of conremained in the midst of this blind security, cern, which I willingly imputed to the mutual waiting for the nuptials of my daughter, and prospect of their separation. This, however, indulging myself with the vain prospect of was but a faithless calm, that soon, ah! too her approaching felicity, Antonia found means soon, brought forth a tempest which hath to protract the negotiation of the marriage, wrecked my hopes, J)y representing that it would be a pity to de- Two days before the appointed union of prive Serafina of.the opportunity she then Don Manuel and. Serafina, I was informed had of profiting bythe German's instructions; by the duenna, that, while she accompanied and, upon that.account, I prevailed upon Don Antonia's waiting-maid at church, she had Manuel to bridle the impatience of his love. seen her receive a billet from an old woman, During this interval, as I one evening who, kneeling ather side, had conveyed it in enioyed the cool air in my own garden, I was such a mysterious manner, as awakened the accosted by an old duenna, who had been my duenna's apprehensions about her young Durse and lived in the family since the time lady; she had therefore hastened home to ADVENTURES OF FERDINAND COUNT FATH)OM. 425 communicate this piece of intelligence, that My scheme was soon laid, my resolution I might have an opportunity of examining soon taken; I privately confined the wretch the messenger before she should have time who had been the industrious slave of this to deposit her trust. I could not help infamous conspiracy, that she might take no shivering with fearful presages upon this step to frustrate or interrupt the execution occasion, and even abhorring the person to of my design. Then repairing to the house whose duty and zeal I was beholden for the of an apothecary who was devoted to my intelligence, even while I endeavoured to service, communicated my intention, which persuade myself that the inquiry would end he durst not condemn, and could not reveal in the detection of some paltry intrigue be- without breaking the oath of secrecy 1 had tween the maid and her own gallant. I in- imposed; and he furnished me with two vials cercepted her in returning from church, and, of poison for the dismal catastrophe I had commanding her to follow me to a convenient planned. Thus provided, I, on pretence of' place, extorted from her, by dint of threats, sudden business at Seville, carefully avoided the fatal letter, which I read to this effect. the dear, the wretched pail, whom I had de" The whole business of my life, O divine voted to death, that my heart might not Serafina! will be to repay that affection I relent, by means of those tender ideas which have been so happy as to engage. With the sight of them would have infallibly inwhat transport then shall I obey your sum- Ispired; and, when day-light vanished, took mons, in performing that enterprise which my station near that part of the house through will rescue you from the bed of a detested which the villain must have entered on his rival, and put myself in full possession of a hellish purpose. There I stood, in a state jewel which I value infinitely more than life. of horrid expectation, my soul ravaged with Yes, adorable creature! I have provided the different passions that assailedit, until every thing for our escape, and at midnight the fatal moment arrived; when I perceived will attend you in your own apartment, from the traitor approach the window of a lower whence you shall be conveyed into a land of apartment, which led into that of Serafina, liberty and peace, where you will, unmolested; and gently lifting the casement, which was enjoy the purity of that religion you have purposely left unsecured, insinuate hail' of espoused, and in full security bless the arms his body into the house: then rushing upon of your ever faithful ORLANDO." him, in a transport of fury, I plunged my'Were you a fond parent, a tender husband, sword into his heart, crying,-" Villain! and a noble Castilian, I should not need to receive the reward of thy treachery and mention the unutterable horrors that took presumption." possession of my bosom, when I perused this The steel was so well aimed as to relader accursed letter, by which I learned the apos- a repetition of the stroke unnecessary; he tacy, disobedience, and degeneracy, of my uttered one groan, and fell breathless at my idolized Serafina, who had overthrown and feet. Exulting with this first success of my destroyed the whole plan of felicity which I revenge, I penetrated into the chamber where had erected, and blasted all the glories of my the robber of my peace was expected by the name; and when the wretched messenger, unhappy Serafina and her mother, who, see. terrified by my menaces and agitation, con- ing me enter with a most savage aspect, and fessed that Antonia herself was privy to the a sword reeking with the vengeance I had guilt of her daughter, whom she had solemnly taken, seemed almost petrified with fear. betrothed to that vile German, in sight of " Behold," said I, "the blood of that base Heaven, and that, by her connivance, this plebeian, who made an attempt upon the plebeian intended, that very night, to bereave honour of my house: your conspiracy against me of my child, I was for some moments the unfortunate Don Diego de Zelos is now stupefied with grief and amazement, that gave discovered; that presumptuous slave, the way to an ecstasy of rage, which had well favoured Orlando, is now no more. nigh terminated in rage and distraction. Scarce had I pronounced these words, I now tremble, and my head grows giddy when a loud scream was uttered by both the with the remembrance of that dreadful occa- unhappy victims. "If Orlando is slain," sion: behold how the drops trickle down my cried the infatuated Serafina, "what have I forehead; this agony is a fierce and familiar to do with life l O my dear lord! my husvisitant, I shall banish it anon. I summoned band, and my lover! how are our promised my pride, my resentment, to my assistance; joys at once cut off! here strike, my father, these are the cordials that support me against complete your barbarous sacrifice, the spirit all other reflections; those were the aux- of the murdered Orlando still hovers for his iliaries that enabled me, in the day of trial,'wife." These frantic exclamations, in which to perform that sacrifice which my honour she was joined by Antonia, kept up the fury of demanded, in a strain so loud as to drown the my resentment, which by meekness and subcries of nature, love, and compassion. Yes, mission might have been weakened and renthey espoused that glory which humanity dered ineffectual. " Yes, hapless wretches," would have betrayed, and my revenge was I replied, "ye shall enjoy your wish: the nuble, though unnatural. honour of my name requires that both shall1 3D 426 SMOLLETT'S SELECT WORKS. die; yet I will not mangle the breast of cutioner, and entailing disgrace upon a family Antonia, on which I have so often reposed; that knew no stain; and I was deterred from I will not shed the blood of Zelos, nor dis- putting an end to my own misery, by the figure' the beauteous form of Serafina, on apprehensions of posthumous censure, which which I have so often gazed with wonder and would have represented me as a desponding unspeakable delight: here is an elixir, to wretch, utterly destitute of that patience, which I trust the consummation of my re- fortitude, and resignation, which are the venge." characteristics of a true Castilian. I was So saying, I emptied the vials into sepa- also influenced by religious motives, that rate cups, and, presenting one in each hand, suggested to me the necessity of living, to the miserable, the fair offenders instantly atone, by my sufferings and sorrow, for the received the destined draughts, which they guilt I had incurred in complying with a drank without hesitation; then praying to savage punctilio, which is, I fear, displeasing Heaven for the wretched Don Diego, sunk in the sight of Heaven. upon the same couch, and expired without These were the reasons that opposed my a groan. 0 well-contrived beverage! 0 hap- entrance into that peaceful harbour which py composition, by which all the miseries of death presented to my view; and they were life are so easily cured! soon reinforced by another principle that Such was the fate of Antonia and Serafina: sanctioned my determination to continue at these hands were the instruments that de- the servile oar of life. In consequence of prived them of life, these eyes beheld them unfavourable winds, our vessel for some days the richest prize that death had ever won. made small progress in her voyage to HolPowers supreme! does Don Diego live to land, and near the coast of Gallicia we were mlake this recapitulation I have done my joined by an English ship from Vigo, the duty; but ah! I am haunted by the furies of master of which gave us to understand, that remorse: I am tortured with the incessant before he set sail, a courier had arrived from stings of remembrance and regret; even now Madrid at that place, with orders for the the images of my wife and daughter present corregidor to prevent the escape of any native themselves to my imagination. All the scenes Spaniard by sea from any port within his of happiness I have enjoyed as a lover, hus- district; and to use his utmost endeavoufs band, and parent, all the endearing hopes I to apprehend the person of Don Diego de have cherished, now pass in review before Zelos, who was suspected of treasonable me, embittering the circumstances of my practices against the state. Such an order, inexpressible woe; and I consider myself as with a minute description of my person, was a solitary outcast from all the - comforts of at the same time despatched to all the seasociety. But, enough of these unmanly corn- ports and frontier places in Spain. plaints, the yearnings of nature are too im- You may easily suppose how I, who was portunate. already overwhelmed with distress, could Having completed my vengeance, I retired bear this aggravation of misfortune and disinto my closet, and, furnishing myself with grace: I, who had always maintained the some ready money, and jewels of considera- reputation of loyalty, which was acquired at ble value, went into the stable, saddled my the hazard of my life, and the expense of my favourite steed, which I instantly mounted, blood. To deal candidly, I must own, that and, before the tumults of my breast subsided, this intelligence roused me from a lethargy found myself at the town of St Lucar. There of grief, which had begun to overpower my I learned from inquiry, that there was a Dutch faculties. I immediately imputed this disbark in the harbour ready to sail: upon which honourable charge to the evil offices of some I addressed myself to the master, who, for a villain, who had basely taken the advantage suitable gratification, was prevailed upon to of my deplorable situation, and I was inflamed, weigh anchor that same night; so that, em- inspired with the desire of vindicating my barking without delay, I soon bid eternal fame, and revenging the injury. Thus aniadieu to my native country. It was not from mated, I resolved to disguise myself effectreason and reflection that I took these mea- ually from the observation of those spies sures for my personal safety; but, in conse- which every nation finds its account in emquence of an involuntary instinct, that seems ploying in foreign countries: I purchased to operate in the animal machine, while the this habit from the Dutch navigator, in whose faculty of thinking is suspended. house I kept myself concealed, after our To what dreadful reckoning was I called, arrival at Amsterdam, until my beard was when reason resumed her function! You grown to a sufficient length to favour my may believe me, my friend, when I assure design, and then appeared as a Persian dealer you, that I should not have outlived those in jewels. As I could gain no satisfactory tragedies I acted had I not been restrained information touching myself in this country, from doing violence upon myself by certain had no purpose to pursue, and was extremely considerations which no man of honour ought miserable among a people, who, being merto set aside. I could not bear the thought cenary and unsocial, were very ill adapted ot falling ingloriously by the hand of an exe- to alleviate the horrors of my condition, I ADVENTURES OF FERDINAND COUNT FATHOM. 427 gratified my landlord for his important services, with the best part of my effects; and having, by this means, procured a certificate CHAPTER XXVII. from the inagistracy, repaired to Rotterdam, from whence I set out in a travelling carriage A flagrant instance of Fathom's virtue, in for Antwerp, on my way to this capital; hop- the manner of his retreat to England. ing, with a succession of different objects, to mitigate the anguish of my mind, and by the FATHOM, who had lent an attentive ear to most industrious inquiry, to learn such parti- every circumstance of this disastrous story, culars of that false impeachment, as would no sooner heard it concluded, than, with an enable me to take measures for my own jus- aspect of generous and cordial compassion, tification, as well as for projecting a plan of not even unattended with tears, he condoled revenge against the vile perfidious author. the lamentable fate of Don Diego de Zelos, This, I imagined, would be no difficult task, deplored the untimely death of the gentle considering the friendship and intercourse Antonia and the fair Serafina, and undertook subsisting between the Spanish and French the interests of the wretched Castilian with nations, and the communicative disposition such warmth of sympathizing zeal, as drew for which the Parisians are renowned; but a flood from his eyes, while he wrung his I have found myself egregiously deceived in benefactor's hand in a transport of gratitude. rmy expectation: the officers of the police in Those were literally tears of joy, or at least this city are so inquisitive and vigilant, that of satisfaction, on both sides; as our hero the most minute action of a stranger is scru- wept with affection and attachment to the tinized with great severity; and, although the jewels that were to be committed to his care: inhabitants are very frank in discoursing on but, far fiom discovering the true source of indifferent subjects, they are at the same time his tenderness, he affected to dissuade the extremely cautious in avoiding all conversa- Spaniard from parting with the diamonds, tion that turns upon state occurrences and which he counselled him to reserve for a more maxims of government. In a word, the pressing occasion; and, in the meantime, peculiarity of my appearance subjects me so earnestly entreated him to depend upon his much to particular observation, that I have friendship for present relief. This generous hitherto thought proper to devour my griefs in proffer served only to confirm Don Diego's sileiice, and even to bear the want of almost resolution, which he forthwith executed, by every convenience,rather than hazarda prema- putting into the hands of Ferdinand jewels ture discovery, by offering my jewels to sale. to the value of a thousand crowns, and deIn this emergency I have been so far for- siring him to detain for his own use any tunate as to become acquainted with you, part of the sum they would raise. Our adwhom I look upon as a man of honour and venturer thanked him for the good opinion humanity. Indeed, I was at first sight pre- he entertained of his integrity; an opinion possessed in your favour: for, notwithstand- fully manifested in honouring him with such ing the mistakes which men daily commit in important confidence; and assured him he judging firom appearances, there is something would transact his affairs with the utmost in the physiognomy of a stranger from which diligence, caution, and dispatch. The evenone cannot help forming an opinion of his ing being by this time almost consumed, character and disposition. For once, my these new allies retired separately to rest; penetration hath not failed me; your beha- though each passed the night without repose, viour justifies my decision; you have treated in very different reflections, the Castilian me with that sympathy and respect which being, as usual, agitated with the unceasing none but the generous will pay to the unfor- pangs of his unalterable misery, interspersed tunate. I have trusted you accordingly: I with gleaming hopes of revenge; and Fathom have put my life, my honour in your power; being kept awake with revolving plans for and I must beg leave to depend upon your turning his fellow-lodger's credulity to his friendship for obtaining that satisfaction for own advantage.'From the nature of the which alone I seek to live. Your employ- Spaniard's situation, he might have approment engages you in the gay world: you priated the jewels to himself, and remained daily mingle with the societies of men; the in Paris without fear of a prosecution, bedomestics of the Spanish ambassador will cause the injured party had, by the above not shun your acquaintance; you may fre- narrative, left his life and liberty at discretion; quent the coffeehouses to which they resort; but he did not think himself secure from the and, in the course of these occasions, unsus- personal resentment of an enraged desperate pected, inform yourself of that mysterious Castilian, and therefore determined to withcharge which lies heavy on the fame of the draw himself privately into that country unfortunate Don Diego. I must likewise where he had all along proposed to fix the implore your assistance in converting my standard of his finesse, which fortune had jewels into money, that I may breathe inde- now empowered him to exercise according pendent of man, until Heaven shall permit to his wish. me to finish this weary pilgrimage of life. Bent upon this retreat, he-went abroad in 36~ 4.2Q8 SMOLLETT'S SELECT WORKS. the morning, on pretence of acting in the and at once listed under the banners of Counconcerns of his friend Don Diego, and, hav- Fathom, who spent the whole afternoon in ing hired a post-chaise to be ready at the giving him proper instructions for the reguladawning of next day, returned to his lodgings, tion of his conduct. where he cajoled the Spaniard with a feigned Having settled these preliminaries to his report of his negotiation; then, securing his own satisfaction, he and his baggage were most valuable effects about his person, arose embarked about six o'clock in the month of with the cock, repaired to the place at which September, and it was not without emotion he had appointed to meet the postilion with that he found himself benighted upon the the carriage, and set out for England without great deep, of which, before the preceding further delay, leaving the unhappy Zelos to day, he had never enjoyed even the most the horrors of indigence, and the additional distant prospect. However, he was not a agony of this fresh disappointment. Yet he man to be afraid where there was really no was not the only person affected by the ab- appearance of danger; and the agreeable rupt departure of Fathom, which was hastened presages of future fortune supported his by the importunities, threats, and reproaches, spirits amidst the disagreeable nausea which of his landlord's daughter, whom he had de- commonly attends landsmen at sea, until he bauched under promise of marriage, and now was set ashore upon the beach at Deal, which left in the fourth month of her pregnancy. he entered in good health about seven o'clock Notwithstanding the dangerous adventure in the morning. in which he had been formerly involved by Like Cuesar, however, he found some diffitravelling in the night, he did not think culty in landing, on account of the swelling proper to make the usual halts on this journey surf; that tumbled about with such violence for sleep or refreshment, nor did he once as had almost overset the cutter that carried quit the chaise till his arrival at Boulogne, him on shore: and, in his eagerness to jump which he reached in twenty hours after his upon the strand, his foot slipped from the departure from Paris. Here he thought lie side of the boat, so that he was thrown formight safely indulge himself with a comfort- wards in a horizontal direction, and his hands able meal; accordingly he bespoke a poulard were the first parts of him that touched for dinner, and, while that was preparing, English ground. Upon this occasion, he, in went forth to view the city and harbour. imitation of Scipio's behaviour on the coast VWhen he beheld the white cliffs of Albion, of Africa, hailed the omen, and, grasping a his heart throbbed with all the joy of a be- handful of the sand, was heard to exclaim in loved son, who, after a tedious and fatiguing the Italian language,-" Ah, ha, Old England, voyage, reviews the chimneys of his father's I have thee fast." house. He surveyed the neighbouring coast As he walked up to the inn, followed by of England with fond and longing eyes, like Maurice loaded with his portmanteau, lie another Moses, reconnoitring the land of congratulated himself upon his happy voyage, Canaan from the top of Mount Pisgah; and and the peaceable possession of his spoil, and to such a degree of impatience was he in- could not help snuffing up the British air flamed by the sight, that, instead of proceed- with marks of infinite relish and satisfaction. ing to Calais, he resolved to take his passage His first care was to recompense himself for directly from Boulogne, even if he should the want of sleep he had undergone, and, hire a vessel for the purpose. With these after he had sufficiently recruited himself sentiments, he inquired if there was any ship with several hours of uninterrupted repose, bound for England, and was so fortunate as he set out in a post-chaise for Canterbury, to find the master of a small bark, who in- where he took a place in the London stage, tended to weigh anchor for Deal that same which he was told would depart next mornevening at high water. ing, the coach being already full. On this Transported with this information, he im- very first day of his arrival, he perceived mediately agreed for his passage, sold the between the English and the people among post-chaise to his landlord for thirty guineas, whom he had hitherto lived such essential as a piece of furniture for which he could difference in customs, appearance, and way lehave no further use, purchased a portmanteau, of living, as inspired him with high notions together with some linen and wearing apparel, of that British freedom, opulence, and conand, at the recommendation of his host, took venience, on which he had often heard his into his service an extra-postilion or helper, mother expatiate. On the road he feasted who had formerly worn the livery of a travel- his eye-sight with the verdant hills covered ling marquis. This new domestic, whose with flocks of sheep, the fruitful vales parname was Maurice, underwent, with great celled out into cultivated inclosures; the very applause, the examination of our hero, who cattle seemed to profit by the wealth of their perceived in him a fund of sagacity and masters, being large, sturdy, and sleek, and presence of mind, by which he was excel- every peasant breathed the insolence of lently qualified for being the valet of an liberty and independence. In a word, he adventurer: he was therefore accommodated viewed the wide extended plains of Kent with with a second-hand suit, and another shirt, a lover's eye, and, his ambition becoming ADVENTURES OF FERDINAND COUNT FATHOM. 429 romantic, could not help fancying himself known," said she, " there's more vanity than another conqueror of the isle. midriff in that great belly of yours, for all He was not, however, long amused by these your pretending to humility and religion. vain chimeras, which soon vanished before Sirrah! my corporation is made up of good, other reflections of more importance and wholesome, English fat; but you are puffed solidity. His imagination, it must be owned, up with the wind of vanity and delusion; and was at all times too chaste to admit those when it begins to gripe your entrails, you overweening hopes which often mislead the pretend to have a motion, and then get up mind of the projector. He had studied man- and preach nonsense: yet you'll take it upon kind with incredible diligence, and knew you to call your betters children: marry come perfectly well how far he could depend on up, Mr Goosecap, I have got children that the passions and foibles of human nature. are as good men as you, or any hypocritical That he might now act consistently with his trembler in England." former sagacity, he resolved to pass himself A person who sat opposite to the quaker, upon his fellow-travellers for a French gen- hearing this remonstrance, which seemed tleman, equally a stranger to the language pregnant with contention, interposed in the and country of England, in order to glean conversation with a conscious leer, and begfrom their discourse such intelligence as ged there might be no rupture between the might avail him in his future operations; and spirit and the flesh. By this remonstrance his lacquey was tutored accordingly. he relieved Obadiah from the satire of this female orator, and brought the whole vengeance of her elocution upon his own head. CHAPTER XXVIII. " Flesh!" cried she, with all the ferocity of an enraged Thalestris, "none of your names, Some account of his fellow-travellers. Mr Yellowchaps. What! I warrant you have an antipathy to flesh, because you yourself THosE who had taken places for the coach, are nothing but skin and bone. I suppose understanding the sixth seat was engaged by you are some poor starved journeyman tailor a foreigner, determined to profit by his igno- come from France, where you have been rance; and, with that politeness which is learning to cabbage, and have not seen a peculiar to this happy island, fixed themselves good meal of victuals these seven years: you in the vehicle in such a manner, before he have been living upon rye bread and souphad the least intimation of their design, that maigre, and now you come over like a walkhe found it barely practicable to insinuate ing atomy, with a rat's tail at your wig, and himself sidelong between a corpulent quaker a tinsey jacket: and so, forsooth, you set up and a fat Wapping landlady, in which atti- for a gentleman, and pretend to find fault tude he stuck fast, like a thin quarto between with a sirloin of roast beef." two voluminous dictionaries on a bookseller's The gentleman heard this address with shelf; and, as if the pain and inconvenience admirable patience, and, when she had rung of such compression was not sufficient matter out her alarm, very coolly replied,-" Any of chagrin, the greatest part of the company thing but your stinking fish, madam. Since entertained themselves with laughing at his when, I pray, have you travelled in stageludicrous station. coaches, and left off your old profession of The jolly dame at his left hand observed, crying oysters in winter, and rotten mackerel with a loud exclamation of mirth, that mon- in June 1 You were then known by the name sieur would be soon better acquainted with a of Kate Brawn, and in good repute among buttock of English beef; and said, by that the ale-houses in Thames street, till that time they should arrive at their dining-place, unlucky amour with the master of a corn he might be spitted without larding. "-Yes, vessel, in which he was unfortunately deverily," replied Obadiah, who was a wag in tected by his own spouse; but you seem to his way, " but the swine's fat will be all on have risen by that fall; and I wish you joy one side." " So much the better for you," of your present plight; though considering cried mine hostess, " for that side is all your your education on Bear key, you can give own." The quaker was not so much dis- but a sorry account of yourself." concerted by the quickness of this repartee, The amazon, though neither exhausted nor but that he answered with great delibera- dismayed, was really confounded at the temtion,-" I thank thee for thy love, but will per and assurance of this antagonist, who had not profit by thy loss, especially as I like gathered all these anecdotes from the fertility not the savour of these outlandish fowls; of his own invention; after a short pause, they are profane birds of passage, relished however, she poured forth a torrent of obonly by the children of vanity, like thee." loquy sufficient to overwhelm any person The plump gentlewoman took umbrage at who had not been used to take up arms this last expression, which she considered as against such seas of trouble: and a dispute a double reproach, and repeated the words,- ensued which would have not only disgraced "children of vanity!" with an emphasis of the best orators on the Thames, but even resentment. " I believe, if the truth were have made a figure in the celebration of the 430 SMOLLETT'S SELECT WORKS. Eleusinian mysteries, during which the Athe- island; and saw, with surprise, an agreeable nian matrons rallied one another from different young creature sit as solitary and unheed?d wagons, with that freedom of altercation so as himself. He was, indeed, allured by the happily preserved in this our age and country. roses of her complexion, and the innocelice Such a redundancy of epithets, and va- of her aspect, and began to repent of having riety of metaphors, tropes, and figures, pretended ignorance of the language, by were uttered between these well-matched which he was restrained from exercising his opponents, that an epic bard would have eloquence upon her heart; he resolved, how found his account in listening to the contest; ever, to ingratiate himself, if possible, by the which, in all probability, would not have been courtesy and politeness of dumb show, and confined to words, had it not been interrupted for that purpose put his eyes in motion withfor the sake of a young woman of an agree- out farther delay. able countenance and modest carriage; who, being shocked at some of their flowers of speech, and terrified by the menacing looks CHAPTER XXIX. and gestures of the fiery-feathered dame, began to scream aloud, and beg leave to quit Another providential deliverance from the the coach. Her perturbation put an end to effects of the smuggler's ingenious conthe high debate. The sixth passenger, who jecture. had not opened his mouth, endeavoured to comfort her with assurances of protection; DURING these deliberations, the wine-merthe quaker proposed a cessation of arms; the chant, with a view to make a parade of his male disputant acquiesced in the proposal, superior parts and breeding, as well as to assuring the company he had entered the pave the way for a match at backgammon, lists for their entertainment only, without made a tender of his snuff-box to our adacquiring theleast grudge or ill-will to the venturer, and asked in bad French, how he fat gentlewoman, whom he protested he had travelled from Paris. This question produced never seen before that day, and who, for a series of interrogations concerning the aught he knew, was a person of credit and place of Ferdinand's abode in that city, and reputation. Ile then held forth his hand in his business in Erg' nd; so that he was fain token of amity, and asked pardon of the to practise the science of defence, and anoffended party, who was appeased by his swered with such ambiguity as aroused the submission; and, in testimony of her bene- suspicion of the smuggler, who began to bevolence, presented to the other female, whom lieve our hero had some very cogent reason she had discomposed, an Hungary-water bot- for evading his curiosity: he immediately set tle filled withl cherry-brandy, recommending his reflection at work, and, after various conit as a much more powerful remedy than the jectures, fixed upon Fathom's being the sal volatile which the other held to her nose. young pretender. Big with this supposition, Peace being thus re-established, in a he eyed him with the most earnest attention, treaty comprehending Obadiah and all pres- comparing his features with those of the ent, it will not be improper to give the reader chevalier's portrait, which he had seen in some furtherinformation, touching the several France, and though the faces were as unlike characters assembled in this vehicle. The as any two human faces could be, found the quaker was a London merchant, who had resemblance so striking as to dispel all his been at Deal superintending the repairs of a doubts, and persuade him to introduce the ship which had suffered by a storm in the stranger to some justice on the road; a steF Downs. The Wapping landlady was on her by which he would not only manifest his zeal return from the same place, where she had for the protestant succession, but also acquire attended the payment of a man of war, with the splendid reward proposed by parliament, sundry powers of attorney, granted by the to any person who should apprehend that sailors, who had lived upon credit at her famous adventurer. house. Her competitor in fame was a dealer These ideas intoxicated the brain of this in wine, a smuggler of French lace, and a man to such a pitch of enthusiasm, that he petty gamester just arrived from Paris, in the actually believed himself in possession of the company of an English barber, who sat on thirty thousand pounds, and amused his fancy his richt hand; and the young woman was with a variety of magnificent projects to bhe daughter of a country curate, in her way to executed by means of that acquisition, until London, where she was bound apprentice to his revery was interrupted by the halting of a milliner. the coach at the inn where the passengers Hitherto Fathom had sat in silent astonish- used to eat their breakfasts. Waked as he ment at the manner of his fellow-travellers, was from the dream of happiness, it had winch far exceeded the notions he had pre- made such impression upon his mind, that, conceived of English plainness and rusticity: seeing Fathom rise up with an intention to he found himself a monument of that dis- alight, he took it for granted his design was regard and contempt which a stranger never to escape, and seizing him by the collar, fails to meet with from the inhabitants of this called aloud for assistance in the king's name ADVENTURES OF FERDINAND COUNT FATHOMf. 431 Our hero, whose sagacity and presence of him, " is there any person of more conseinand very often supplied the place of courage, quence than one of his majesty's justices of instead ~ being terrified at this assault, the peace, who is besides a considerable which might have disturbed the tranquillity member of the landed interest! D'ye know, of an ordinary villain, was so perfectly master sirrah, who you are talking to. If you don't of every circumstance of his own situation, go about your business, I believe I shall lay as to know at once that the aggressor could you by the heels." not possibly have the least cause of complaint The smuggler, fearing his prize would against him: and therefore, imputing this escape through the ignorance, pride, and obviolence either to madness or mistake, very stinacy of this country justice, approached deliberately suffered himself to be made his worship, and, in a whisper which was prisoner by the people of the house, who ran overheard by all the company, assured him to the coach door in obedience to the sum- he had indubitable reason to believe the mons of the wine-merchant. The rest of the foreigner was no other than the pretender's company were struck dumb with surprise and eldest son. At mention of this formidable consternation at this sudden adventure; and name, every individual of the audience startthe quaker, dreading some fell resistance on ed, with signs of terror and amazement. the side of the outlandish man, unpinned the The justice dropped his pipe, recoiled upon other coach doorin the twinkling of an eye, his chair, and, looking most ridiculously and trundled himself into the mud for safety. aghast, exclaimed,-" Seize him, in the name The others, seeing the temper and resigna- of God and his majesty King George! tHtas tion of the prisoner, soon recovered their he got no secret arms about him!" recollection, and began to inquire into the Fathom being thus informed of the suscause of his arrest: upon which the captor, picion under which he stood, could not help whose teeth chattered with terror and im- smiling at the eagerness with which the patience, gave them to understand that he spectators flew upon him; and suffered himwas a state criminal, and demanded their self to be searched with great composure, help in conveying him to justice. well knowing they would find no movables Luckily for both parties, there happened to about his person but such as upon examrninabe at the inn a compa:ly of squires just re- tion would turn to his account; he therefore turned from the death of a leash of hares, very calmly presented to the magistrate his which they had ordered to be dressed for purse, and a small box that contained his dinner, and among these gentlemen was one jewels, and in the French language desired of the quorum, to whom the accuser had im- they might be preserved from the hands of mediate recourse, marching before the cap- the mob. This request was interpreted by tive, who walked very peaceably between the the accuser, who, at the same time, laid landlord and one of his waiters, and followed claim to the booty. The justice took charge by a crowd of spectators, some of whom had of the deposit, and one of his neighbours secured the faithful Maurice, wholin his be- having undertaken the office of-clerk, he prohaviour closely imitated the deliberation of ceeded to the examination of the culprit, his master. In this order did the procession whose papers were by this time laid on the advance to the apartment in which the table before him. "Stranger," said he, "you maoistrate, with his fellows of the chase, sat stand charged with being son of the presmoking his morning pipe over a tankard of tender to these realms: what have you to strong ale; and the smuggler being directed say in your own defence3" Our hero assured to the rigtht person,-" May it please your him in the French language, that he was worship," said he, "I have brought this falsely impeached, and demanded justice on foreigner before you, on a violent suspicion the accuser, who, without the least reason, of his being a proclaimed outlaw; and I de- had made such a malicious attack upon the sire, before these witnesses, that my title life and honour of an innocent gentleman. may be made good to the reward that shall The smuggler, instead of acting the part become due upon his conviction." of a faithful interpreter, told his worship, that "' Friend," replied the justice, "I know the prisoner's answer was no more than a nothing of you or your titles; butthis I know, simple denial, which every felon would malke, if you have any information to give in, you who had nothing else to plead in his own must come to my house when I am at home, behalf, and that this alone was a strongo preand proceed in a lawful way; that is, d'ye sumption of his guilt; because, if he was not mind me, if vou swear as how this here per- really the person they suspected him to be, son is an outlaw, then if so be as he has the thing would speak for itself; for, if he nothing to say to the contrary, my clerk shall was not the young pretender, who then was make out a mittimus, and so to jail with him he? This argument had great weight with till next'size." "o But, sir," answered the the justice, who, assuming a very important impeacher, "this is a case that admits of no aspect, observed,-" Very true, friend, if you delay; the person I have apprehended is a are not the pretender, in the name of God, prisoner of consequence to the state." "How, who are you? One may see with half an eyes fellor!" cried the magistrate, interrupting thathe is no betterthan a promiscuous fellow," 432 SMOLLETT'S SELECT WORKS. Ferdinand now began to repent of having account of himself, and was possessed of pretended ignorance of the English language, things of such value as no honest man would as he found himself at the mercy of a rascal, expose to the accidents of the road Fathom who put a false gloss upon all his words; having thus found an interpreter," ho signiand addressed himself to the audience suc- fled to him, in the French tongue, the doubts cessively in French, High Dutch, Italian, and of the justice, told his lordship, that he was Hungarian Latin, desiring to know if any a gentleman of a noble house in Germany, person present understood any of these who, for certain reasons, had come abroad tongues, that his answers might be honestly incognito, with a view to see the world; and explained to the bench. But he might have that, although the letters they had seized accosted them in Chinese with the same would prove the truth of that assertion, he success: there was not one person present should be loath to expose his private concerns tolerably versed in his mother tongue, much to the knowledge of strangers, if he could less acquainted with any foreign language, possibly be released without that mortificaexcept the wine-merchant, who, incensed at tion. The young nobleman explained his this appeal, which he considered as an affront desire to the court; but his own curiosity to his integrity, gave the judge to understand, being interested, observed, at the same time, that the delinquent, instead of speaking to that the justice could not be said to have disthe purpose, contumaciously insulted his charged the duties of his station, until he authority in sundry foreign lingos, which he should have examined every circumstance apprehended was an additional proof of his relating to the prisoner: upon which remonbeing the chevalier's son, inasmuch as no strances, he was requested by the bench to person would take the pains to learn such a peruse the papers, and accordingly commnuvariety of gibberish, except with some sinister nicated the substance of one letter, to this intent. effectThis annotation was not lost upon the "MY DEAR SON,-Though I am far from squire, who was too jealous of the honour of approving the rash step you have taken in his office to overlook such a flagrant instance withdrawing yourself from your father's of contempt. His eyes glistened, his cheeks house, in order to avoid an engagement which were inflated with raoe. "The case is plain," would have been equally honourable and adsaid he; " having nothing of signification to vantageous to your family, 1 cannot so fai offer in his own favour, he grows refractory, suppress my affection, as to bear the thoughl and abuses the court in his base Roman of your undergoing those hardships which, catholic jargon: but I'll let you know, for all for your disobedience, you deserve to suffer. you pretend to be a prince, you are no better I have therefore, without the knowledge of than an outlawed vagrant; and I'll show you your father, sent the bearer to attend you in what a thing you are, when you come in your peregrinations; his fidelity you know composition with an English justice, like me, hath been tried in a long course of service, who have more than once extinguished my- and I have entrusted to his care, for your use, self in the service of my country. As nothing a purse of two hundred ducats, and a box of else accrues, your purse, black box, and pa- jewels to the value of twice that sum, which pers shall be sealed up before witnesses, and though not sufficient to support an equipage sent by express to one of his majesty's secre- suitable to your birth, will at least for some taries of state; and, as for yourself, I will time preserve you from the importunities of apply to the military at Canterbury, for a want. When you are dutiful enough to exguard to conduct you to London." plain your designs and situation, you may This was a very unwelcome declaration to expect further indulgence from your too tenour adventurer, who was on the point of der, and disconsolate mother, haranguing the justice and spectators in their " THE COUNTESS OF FATHOMX." own language, when he was relieved from This letter, which, as well as the others, the necessity of taking that step by the in- our hero had forged for the purpose, effectterposition of a young nobleman just arrived ually answered his intent, in throwing dust at the inn. who being informed of this strange in the eyes and understanding of the spectaexamination, entered the court, and, at first tors, who now regarded the prisoner with sight of the prisoner assured the justice he looks of respectful remorse, as a man of was imposed upon; for that he himself had quality who had been falsely accused; his often seen the young pretender in Paris, and lordship, to make a parade of his own politethat there was no kind of resemblance be- ness and importance, assured the bench he tween that adventurer and the person now was no stranger to the family of the Fathoms, before him. The accuser was not a little and, with a compliment, gave Ferdinand to mortified at his lordship's affirmation, which understand he had formerly seen him at Vermet with all due regard from the bench, sailles. There being no longer room for though the magistrate took notice, that grant- suspicion, the justice ordered our adventurer:ng the prisonerwas not the chevalier himself, to be set at liberty, and even invited him to it was highly probable he was an emissary be seated, with an apology for the rude man of that house, as he could give no satisfactory ner in which he had been treated, owing to ADVENTURES OF FERDINAND COUNT FATHOM. 433 the misinformation of the accuser, who was Fathom, who thanked the justice, and his threatened with the stocks, for his malice lordship in particular, for the candour and and presumption. hospitality with which he had been treated, But this was not the only triumph our and resumed his place in the vehicle, amidst hero obtained over the wine-merchant. Mau- the congratulations of all his fellow-travellers, rice was no sooner unfettered, than, advanc- except the two forlorn smugglers, who, ining into the middle of the-room, —" My lord," stead of reimbarking in the coach, thought said he, addressing himself in French to his proper to remain at the inn, with a view to master's deliverer, " since you have been so mitigate, if possible, the severity of their generous as to protect a noble stranger fiom misfortune. the danger of such a false accusation, I hope Among those who felicitated Fathom upon you will still lay an additional obligation upon the issue of this adventure, the young maiden the count, by retorting the vengeance of the seemed to express the most sensible pleasure law upon this perfidious accuser, whom I at that event. The artful language of his know to be a trader in those articles of mer- eyes had raised in her breast certain flutterchandize which are prohibited by the ordi- ing emotions, before she knew the value of nances of this nation. I have sqen him lately her conquest; but now that his rank and conat Boulogne, and am perfectly well acquaint- dition were discovered, these transports were ed with some persons who have supplied him increased by the ideas of vanity and ambition, with Wrench lace and embroidery; and, as a which are mingled with the first seeds of proof of what I allege, I desire you will order every female constitution. The belief of him and this barber, who is his understrapper, having captivated the heart of a man who to be examined on the spot." could raise her to the rank and dignity of a This charge, which was immediately ex- countess, produced such agreeable sensations plained to the bench, yielded extraordinary in her fancy, that her eyes shone with unusual satisfaction to the spectators, one of whom, lustre, and a continual smile played in diInbeing an officer of the customs, forthwith ples on her rosy cheeks; so that her attracbegan to exercise his function upon the un- tions, though not powerful enough to engage lucky peruquier, who, being stripped of his the affection, were yet sufficient to inflame upper garments, and even of his shirt, ap- the desire, of our adventurer, who very honpeared like the mummy of an Egyptian king, estly marked her chastity for prey to his most curiously rolled up in bandages of rich voluptuous passion. Had she been well sea figured gold shalloon, that covered the skirts soned with knowledge and experience, and of four embroidered waistcoats. The mer- completely armed with caution against the chant, seeing his expectation so unhappily artifice and villainy of man, her virtue might reversed, made an effort to retire with a most not have been able to withstand the engines rueful aspect, but was prevented by the officer, of such an assailant, considering the dangerwho demanded the interposition of the civil ous opportunities to which she was necespower, that he might undergo the same sarily exposed: how easythen must his victory examination to which the other had been sub- have been over an innocent unsuspecting jected. He was accordingly rifled without country damsel, flushed with the warmth of' loss of time, and the inquiry proved well youth, and an utter stranger to the ways of worth the care of him who made it; for a life. considerable booty of the same sort of mer- While Obadiah, therefore, and his plump chandize was found in his boots, breeches, companion, were engaged in conversation, hat, and between the buckram and lining of on the strange incidents which had passed, his surtout. Yet, not contented with this Fathom acted a very expressive pantomime prize, the experienced spoiler proceeded to with this fair buxom nymph, who compresearch his baggage, and perceiving a false hended his meaning with surprising facility, bottom in his portmanteau, detected beneath and was at so little pains to conceal the pleait a valuable accession to the plunder he had sure she took in this kind of intercourse, already obtained. that several warm squeezes were interchanged between her and her lover, before they arrived at Rochester, where they proposed to dine. CHAPTER XXX. It was during this period, he learned from the answers she made to the inquisitive quaThe singular manner of Fathom's attack ker, that her sole dependence was upon a and triumph over the virtue of the fair relation, to whom she had a letter, and that Elinor. she was a perfect stranger in the great city; circumstances on which he soon formed the PROPER cognizance being thus taken of these project of her ruin. contraband effects, and the informer furnished Upon their arrival at the Black Bull, he, with a certificate, by which he was entitled for the first time, found himself alone with to a share of the seizure, the coachman sum- his Amanda, whose name was Elinor, their moned his passengers to the carriage; the fellow-travellers being elsewhere employed purse and jewels were restored to Count about their own concerns; and, unwilling to 3E 434 S[MOLLETT'S SELECT WORKS. lose the precious opportunity, he began to finding) their inquiry ineffectual, did not scruact the part of a very importunate lover, pie to declare his suspicion of the two fat which he conceived to be a proper sequel to turtles, who had deserted the coach in such the prelude which had been performed in the an abrupt manner. In a word, he rendered coach. The freedoms which she, out of pure this conjecture so plausible, by wresting the simplicity and good humour, permitted him circumstances of their behaviour and retreat, to take with her hand, and even her rosy lips, that poor Elinor implicitly believed they encouraged him to practise other familiarities were the thieves by whom she had suffered; upon her fair bosom, which scandalized her and was prevailed upon to accept the profvirtue so much, that, in spite of the passion fered assistance of the generous count, who she had begun to indulge in his behalf, she seeing her very much disordered by this misrejected his advances with all the marks of chance, iisisted upon her drinking a large anger andl disdain; and he found it necessary glass of canary, to quiet the perturbation of to appease the storm he had raised, by the her spirits. This is a season, which of all most respectful and submissive demeanour; others is most propitious to the attempts of resolving to change his operations, and carry an artful lover; and justifies the metaphorical on his attacks so as to make her yield at maxim of fishing in troubled waters. There discretion, without alarming her religion or is an affinity and short transition betwixt all pride. Accordingly, when the bill was called the violent passions that agitate the human after dinner, he took particular notice of her mind: they are all false perspectives," hich, behaviour, and, perceiving her pull out a large though they magnify, yet perplex and render leathern purse that contained her money, indistinct every object which they represent; reconnoitred the pocket in which it was de- and flattery is never so successfully adminisposited, and, while they sat close to each tered, as to those who know they stand in other in the carriage, conveyed it with ad- need of friendship, assent, and approbation. mirable dexterity into a hole in the cushion. The cordial she swallowed, far from calmWhether the corpulent couple, who sat op- ing, increased the disturbance of her thoughts, posite to these lovers had entered into an and produced an intoxication; during which amorous engagement at the inn, or were she talked in an incoherent strain, laughed severally induced by other niotives, is uncer- and wept by turns, and acted other extravatain; but sure it is, both left the coach on gancies, which are known to be symptoms that part of the road which lies nearest to of the hysterical affection. Fathom, though Gravesend, and bade adieu to the other pair, an utter stranger to the sentiments of honour, on pretence of having urgent business at that pity, and remorse, would not perpetrate his place. vicious purpose, though favoured by the de. Ferdinand, not a little pleased at their liriumrn his villainy had entailed upon this un. departure, renewed his most pathetic ex- fortunate young maiden; because his appetite pressions of love, and sung several French demanded a more perfect sacrifice than that songs on that tender subject, which seemed which she could yield in her present deplorato thrill to the soul of his beauteous Helen. ble situation, when her will must have been While the driver halted at Dartford to water altogether unconcerned in his success. Dehis horses, she was smit with the appearance termined, therefore, to make a conquest of of sonie cheesecakes, which were presented her virtue, before he would take possession by the landlady of the house, and having bar- of her person, he mimicked that compassion gained for two or three, put her hand in her and benevolence which his heart had never pocket, in order to pay for her purchase; but felt, and, when the coach arrived at London, what was her astonishment, when, after hav- not only discharged what she owed for her ing rummaged her equipage, she understood place, but likewise procured for her an aparther whole fortune was lost! This mishap ment in the house to which he himself had was, by a loud shriek, announced to our hero, been directed for lodgings, and even hired a who affected infinite amazement and concern: nurse to attend her during a severe fbver, and no sooner learned the cause of her afflic- which was the consequence of her disappointtion, than he presented her with his own ment and despondence. Indeed she was purse, from which lie, in emphatic dumb supplied with all necessaries by the generosity show, begged she would indemnify herself' of this noble count, who, for the interest of for the damage she had sustained. Although his passion, and the honour of his name, was this kind proffer was some alleviation of her resolved to extend his charity to the last farthmisfortunes, she did not fail to pour forth a ing of her own money, which he had been most piteous lamentation, importing that she wise enough to secure for this purpose. had not only lost all her money, amounting Her youth soon got the better of her disto five pounds, but also her letter of r.ecom- temper, and when she understood her obligamendation, upon which she had altogether tions to the count, who did not fail to attend relied for present employment. her in person with great tenderness, her heart, The vehicle was minutely searched from which had been before prepossessed in his top to bottom by herself and our adventurer, favour, now glowed with all the warmth of assisted by Maurice and the coachman, who, gratitude, esteem, and affection. She, knew ADVENTURES OF FERDINAND COUNT FATHOM. 435 nerself in a strange place, destitute of all "Mr Fathom, by your frank and obliging resource but in his generosity: she loved his manner of treating a man who hath done you person, she was dazzled by his rank; and he wrong, I am more and more confirmed in my knew so well how to improve the opportuni- opinion of your sagacity, which I have often ties and advantages he derived from her considered with admiration: I will not thereunhappy situation, that he gradually proceeded fore attempt to make an apology for my conin sapping, from one degree of intimacy to duct at our last parting; but only assure you another, until all the bulwarks of her chas- that this meeting may turn out to our mutual tity were undermined, and she submitted to advantage, if we now re-enter into an unrehis desire; not with the reluctance of a van- served union, the ties of which we will soon quished people, but with all the transports find it our interest and inclination to preserve. of a joyful city, that opens its gates to receive For my own part, as my judgment is ripened a darling prince returned from conquest: for by experience, so are my sentiments changed by this time he had artfully concentrated and since our last association. I have seen many kindled up all the inflammable ingredients a rich harvest lost, for want of a fellowof her constitution; and she now looked back labourer in the vineyard; and I have more upon the virtuous principles of her education, than once fallen a sacrifice to a combination, as upon a disagreeable and tedious dream, which I could have resisted with the help of from which she had waked to the fruition of one able auxiliary. Indeed, I might prove never-fading joy. what I allege by mathematical demonstration; and I believe nobody will pretend to deny, that two heads are better than one, in CHAPTER XXXI. all cases that require discernment and deliberation." He by accident encounters his old friend, Ferdinand could not help owning the sanity with whom he holds a conference, and of his observations, and forthwith acquiesced renews a treaty. in his proposal of the new alliance; desiring to know the character in which he acted on OuR hero having thus provided himself with the English stage, and the scheme he would a proper subject for his hours of dalliance, offer for their mutual emolument: at the thought it was now high time to study the same time he resolved within himself to keep ground which he had pitched upon for the such a strict eye over his future actions, as scene of his exploits, and with that view would frustrate any design he might hereafter made several excursions to different parts of harbour, of repeating the prank he had so the town, where there was aught of enter- successfully played upon him, in their journey tainment or instruction to be found: yet he from the banks of the Rhine. always, on these occasions, appeared in an " Having quitted you at Bar-le-duc," reobscure ordinary dress, in order to avoid sin- sumed the Tyrolese, "I travelled without gularity, and never went twice to the same ceasing, until I arrived at Frankfort upon the coffeehouse, that his person might not be Maine, where I assumed the character of a afterwards known, in case he should shine French chevalier, and struck some masterly forth to the public in a superior sphere. On strokes, which you yourself would not have his return from one of these expeditions, deemed unworthy of your invention: and my while he was passing through Ludgate, his success was the more agreeable, as my opeeyes were suddenly encountered by the ap- rations were chiefly carried on against the parition of his old friend the Tyrolese, who, enemies of our religion: but my prosperity perceiving himself fairly caught in the toil, was not of long duration. Seeing they could made a virtue of necessity, and, runningnup to not foil me at my own weapons, they formed, our adventurer with an aspect of eagerness a damned conspiracy, by which I not only and joy, clasped him in his arms, as some lost all the fruits of my industry, but likewise dear firiend, whom he had casually found after ran the most imminent hazard of my life. a most tedious and disagreeable separation. I had ordered some ef those jewels which I Fathom, whose genius never failed him in had borrowed of my good friend Fathom to such emergencies, far from receiving these be new set in a fashionable taste, and soont advances with the threats and reproaches after had an opportunity to sell one of these, which the other had deserved at his hands, at a great advantage, to one of the fraternity, returned the salute with equal warmth, and who offered an extraordinary price for the was really overjoyed at meeting with a per- stone, on purpose to effect my ruin. In less son who might one way or other make amends than four-and-twenty hours after this bargain, for the perfidy of his former conduct. The I was arrested by the officers of justice, upon Tyrolese, whose name was Ratchcali, pleased the oath of the purchaser, who undertook to with his reception, proposed they should ad- prove me guilty of a fraud, in selling a Saxon journ to the next tavern, in which they had pebble for a real diamond; and this accusano sooner taken possession of an apartment, tion was actually true; for the change had than he addressed himself to his old compa- been artfully put upon me by the jeweller, nion in these words:- who was himself engaged in the conspiracy. 436 SMOLLETT'S SELECT WORKS. " Had my conscience been clear of any national; so that, while he despises a people other impeachment, perhaps I should have in the lump, an individual of that very comrested my cause upon the equity and protec- munity may be one of his chief favourites. tion of the law; but I foresaw that the trial "The English are in general upright and would introduce an inquiry, to which I was honest, therefore unsuspecting and credulous: not at all ambitious of submitting, and there- they are too much engrossed with their own fore was fain to compromise the affair at the business to pry into the conduct of their price of almost my whole fortune. Yet this neighbours, and too indifferent, in point of accommodation was not made so secretly, disposition, to interest themselves in what but that my character was blasted, and my they conceive to be foreign to their own concredit overthrown; so that I was fain to re- cerns. They are wealthy and mercantile, linquish my occasional equipage, and hire of consequence liberal and adventurous; and myself as journeyman to a lapidary, an em- so well disposed to take a man's own word ployment which I had exercised in my youth. for his importance, that they suffer themselves In this obscure station, I laboured with great to be preyed upon by such a bungling set of assiduity, until I made myself perfect in the impostors as would starve for lack of address knowledge of stones, as well as in the dif- in any other country under the sun. This ferent methods of setting them off to the being a true sketch of the British character, best advantage; and having, by dint of indus- so far as I have been able to observe and try and address, got possession of a small learn, you will easily comprehend the profits parcel, set out for this kingdom, in which I that may be extracted from it, by virtue of happily arrived about four months ago; and those arts in which you so eminently excel; surely England is the paradise of artists of the great, the unbounded prospect lies beour profession. fore me! Indeed, I look upon this opulent "One would imagine that nature had creat- kingdom as a wide and fertile common, on ed the inhabitants for the support and enjoy- which we adventurers may range for prey ment of adventurers like you and me. Not without let or molestation: for so jealous are that these islanders open the arms of hospi- the natives of their liberties, that they will tality to all foreigners without distinction; not bear the restraint of necessary police, on the contrary, they inherit from their fathers and an able artist may enrich himself with an unreasonable prejudice against all nations their spoils, without running any risk of atunder the sun; and when an Englishman tracting the notice of the magistrate, or happens to quarrel with a stranger, the first incurring the least penalty of the law. term of reproach he uses is the name of his "In a word, this metropolis is a vast masantagonist's country, characterized by some querade, in which a man of stratagem may opprobrious epithet, such as a chattering wear a thousand different disguises without Frenchman, an Italian ape, a German hog, danger of detection. There is a variety of and a beastly Dutchman; nay, their national shapes in which we the knights of industry prepossession is maintained even against make our appearance in London. One glides those people with whom they are united under into a nobleman's house in the capacity of a the same laws and government; for nothing valet-de-chambre, and in a few months leads is more common than to hear them exclaim the whole family by the nose; another exagainst their fellow-subjects, in the express- hibits himself to the public as an empiric or ions of a beggarly Scot, and an impudent operator for the teeth, and, by dint of assurIrish bog-trotter. Yet this very prejudice ance, and affidavits bearing testimony to will never fail to turn to the account of every wonderful cures that never were performed, stranger possessed of ordinary talents; for whirls himself into his chariot, and lays the he will always find opportunities of convers- town under contribution; a third professes ing with them in coffeehouses, and places of the composition of music, as well as the perpublic resort, in spite of their professed re- formance, and by means of a few capriciosos serve, which, by the bye, is so extraordinary, on the violin, properly introduced, wriggles that I know some people who have lived himself into the management of private and twenty years in the same house without ex- public concerts; and a fourth breaks forth at cl{anging one word with their next door once in all the splendour of a gay equipage neighbours; yet provided he can talk sensi- under the title and denomination of a foreign bly, and preserve the deportment of a sober count. Not to mention those interior progentleman, in those occasional conversations, jectors who assume the characters of dancers, his behaviour will be the more remarkably fencing-masters, and French ushers, or, by pleasing, as it will agreeably disappoint the renouncing their religion, seek to obtain a expectation of the person who had enter- provision for life. tained notions to his prejudice. When a "Either of these parts will turn to the foreigner has once crossed this bar, which account of an able actor: and, as you are perpetually occurs, he sails without further equally qualified for all, you may choose that difficulty into the harbour of an Englishman's which is most suitable to your own inclinagood will; for the pique is neither personal tion: though, in my opinion, you were denor rancorous, but rather contemptuous and signed by nature to shine in the great world, ADVENTURES OF FERDINAND COUNT FATHOM. 437 which, after all, is the most ample field for terview in town, that his reasons for concealmen of genius, because the game is deeper, ing his knowledge of the English tongue were and people of fashion being for the most part now removed, and that he would no longer rmore ignorant, indolent, vain, and capricious deny himself the pleasure of speaking a lanthan their inferiors, are of consequence more guage which had been always music to his easily deceived: besides, their morals sit ear; he had also thanked his lordship for his generally so loose about them, that when a generous interposition at the inn, which was gentleman of our fraternity is discovered in an instance of that generosity and true politethe exercise of his profession, their contempt ness which are engrossed by the English of his skill is the only disgrace he incurs." people, who leave nought to other nations Our hero was so well pleased with this but the mere shadow of these virtues. picture, that he longed to peruse the original; A testimony like this, from the mouth of and, before these two friends parted, they such a noble stranger, won the heart of the settled all the operations of the campaign. peer, who professed a friendship for him on Ratchcali, that same evening, hired magnifi- the spot, and undertook to see justice done cent lodgings for Count Fathom in the court to his lacquey, who in a short time was end of the town, and furnished his wardrobe gratified with a share of the seizure which and liveries from the spoils of Monmouth had been made upon his information, amountstreet; he likewise enlisted another footman ing to fifty or sixty pounds. and valet-de-chambre into his service, and Ferdinand put not forth the whole strength sent to the apartments divers large trunks, of his accomplishments at once, but con. supposed to be filled with the baggage of this trived to spring a new mine of qualification foreign nobleman, though in reality they con- every day, to the surprise and admiration of tained little else than common lumber. all his acquaintance. He was gifted with a Next day our adventurer took possession sort of elocution much more specious than of his new habitation, after having left to his solid, and spoke on every subject that occurfriend and associate the task of dismissing the red in conversation with that familiarity and unfortunate Elinor, who was so shocked at ease which, one would think, could only be the unexpected message that she fainted away; acquired by long study and application. This and when she recovered the use of her senses plausibility and confidence are faculties really so well as to reflect upon her forlorn con- inherited from nature, and effectually serve dition, she was seized with the most violent the possessor, in lieu of that learning which transports of grief and dismay, by which her is not to be obtained without infinite toil and brain was disordered to such a degree, that perseverance. The most superficial tincture she grew furious and distracted, and was, by of the arts and sciences in such a juggler is the advice and assistance of the Tyrolese, sufficient to dazzle the understanding of half conveyed into the hospital of Bethlem, where mankind, and if managed with circumspecwe sl:hall leave her for the present, happily tion, will enable him even to spend his life bereft of her reason. among the literati, without once forfeiting the character of a connoisseur. Our hero was perfectly master of this CHAPTER XXXII. legerdemain, which he carried to such a pitch of assurance, as to declare in the midst of a He appears in the great world with univer- mathematical assembly, that he intended to sal applause and admiration. gratify the public with a full confutation of Sir Isaac Newton's philosophy, to the nature MEANWHILE, Fathom and his engine were of which he was as much a stranger as the busied in completing his equipage, so that in most savage Hottentot in Africa. His pre. a few days he had procured a very gay chariot, tensions to profound and universal knowledge adorned with painting, gilding, and a coat of were supported not only by this kind of pre. arms, according to his own fancy and direc- sumption, but also by the facility with which tion. The first use he made of this vehicle he spoke so many different languages, and was that of visiting the young nobleman from the shrewd remarks he had made in the course whom he had received such important civili- of his travels and observation. ties on the road, in consequence of an invi- Among politicians, he settled the balance tation at parting, by which he learned his of power upon a certain footing, by dint of title and the place of his abode in London. ingenious schemes, which he had contrived His lordship was not only pleased, but for the welfare of Europe: with officers, he proud to see such a stranger at his gate, and reformed the art of war, with improvements entertained him with excess of complaisance which had occurred to his reflection while and hospitality, insomuch that, by his means, he was engaged in a military life: he some. our hero soon became acquainted with the times held forth upon painting, like a member whole circle of polite company, by whom he of the Dilettanti club: the theory of music was caressed for his insinuating manners and was a theme upon which he seemed to exagreeable conversation. He had thought patiate with particular pleasure: in the pro. proper to tell the nobleman, at their first in- vinces of love and gallantry he was a perfect 438 SMOLLETT'S SELECT WTORKS. Oroondates: he possessed a most agreeable care and deliberation in an affair of such immanner of telling entertaining stories, of portance, especially as he did not find himself which he had a large collection: he sung hurried by the importunities of want; for, with great melody and taste, and played upon since his arrival in England, he had rather the violin with surprising execution. To increased than exhausted his finances, by these qualifications let us add his affability methods equally certain and secure. In a and pliant disposition, and then the reader word, he, with the assistance of Ratchcali, will not wonder that he was looked upon as carried on a traffic, which yielded great pro.. the pattern of human perfection, and his ac- fits, without subjecting the trader to the least quaintance courted accordingly. loss or inconvenience. Fathom, for example, WThile he thus captivated the favour and wore upon his finger a large brilliant, whlic affection of the English nobility, he did not he played to such advantage one night, at a neglect to take other measures in behalf of certain nobleman's house, where he was prethe partnership to which he had subscribed. vailed upon to entertain the company with a The adventure with the two squires at Paris solo on the violin, that every body present had weakened his appetite for play, which took notice of its uncommon lustre, and it was not at all restored by the observations was handed about for the perusal of every he had made in London, where the art of individual. The water and the workmanship gaming is reduced into a regular system, and were universally admired; and one among its professors so laudably devoted to the dis- the rest having expressed a desire of knowing charge of their functions, as to observe the the value of such a jewel, the count seized most temperate regimen, lest their invention that opportunity of entertaining them with a should be impaired by the fatigue of watching learned disquisition into the nature of stones; or exercise, and their ideas disturbed by the this introduced the history of the diamond in fumes of indigestion. No Indian brachmin question, which he said had been purchased could live more abstemiously than two of the of an Indian trader of Fort St Georfge, at an pack, who hunted in couple, and kennelled under price; so that the present proprietor in the upper apartments of the hotel in which could afford to sell it at a very reasonable our adventurer lived: they abstained from rate; and concluded with telling the corn.. animal food with the abhorrence of Pytha- pany, that, for his own part, he had been goreans, their drink was the pure simple ele- importuned to wear it by the jeweller, who ment, they were vomited once a-week, took imagined it would have a better chance for physic or a glyster every third day, spent the attracting a purchaser on his finger, than forenoon in algebraical calculations, and while it remained in his own custody. slept from four o'clock till midnight, that This declaration was no sooner made, than they might then take the field with that cool a certain lady of quality bespoke the refusal serenity which is the effect of refreshment of the jewel, and desired Ferdinand to send and repose. the owner next day to her house, where he These were terms upon which our hero accordingly waited upon her ladyship with would not risk his fortune; he was too much the ring, for which he received one hundred addicted to pleasure to forego every other and fifty guineas, two-thirds of the sum being enjoyment but that of amassing; and did not clear gain, and equally divided betwixt the so much depend upon his dexterity in play as associates. Nor was this bargain such as upon his talent of insinuation, which by this reflected dishonour upon the lady's taste, or time had succeeded so far beyond his expecta- could be productive of ill consequences to the tion, that he began to indulge the hope of merchant; for the method of estimating diaenslaving the heart of some rich heiress, mnonds is altogether arbitrary; and Ratchcali, whose fortune would at once raise him above who was an exquisite lapidary, had set it in all dependence. Indeed no man ever set out such a manner as would have imposed upon with a fairer prospect on such an expedition; any ordinary jeweller. By these means of for he had found means to render himself so introduction, the Tyrolese soon monopolized agreeable to the fair sex, that, like the boxes the custom of a great many noble families, of the playhouse during the representation upon which he levied large contributions, of a new performance, his company was often without incurring the least suspicion of' debespoke for a series of weeks; and no lady, ceit; he every day, out of pure esteem and whether widow, wife, or maiden, ever men- gratitude for the honour of their commands, tioned his name, without some epithet of entertained them with the sight of some newl esteem or affection, such as the dear count! trinket, which he was never permitted to the charming man! the nonpareil! or the carry home unsold; and from the profits of angel! each job, a tax was raised for the benefit of While he thus shone in the zenith of ad- our adventurer. miration, it is not to be doubted, that he could Yet his indultos were not confined to the have melted some wealthy dowager or opulent article of jewels, which constituted only one ward; but being an enemy to all precipitate part of his revenue: by the industry of his engagements, he resolved to act with great understrapper, he procured a number of old ADVENTURES OF FERDINAND COUNT FATHOM. 439 crazy fiddles, which were thrown aside as lumber; upon which he counterfeited the CHAPTER XXXIIT. Cremona mark, and otherwise cooked them up with great dexterity; so that, when he had HYe attracts the envy and ill offices of the occasion to regale the lovers of music, he minor knights of his own order, over would send for one of these vamped instru- whom he obtains a complete victory. Inents, and extract from it such tones as quite ravished the hearers; among whom there Suczi a pre-eminence could not be enjoyed was always some conceited pretender, who without exciting the malevolence of envy and spoke in raptures of the violin, and gave our detraction, in the propagation of which none hero an opportunity of launching out in its were so industrious as thet brethren of his praise, and declaring it was the best Cremona own order, who had, like him, made a dehe had ever touched. This encomium never scent upon this island, and could not, without failed to inflame the desires of the audience, repining, see the whole harvest in the hands to some one of whom he was generous of one man, who, with equal art and discreenougoh to part with it at prime cost, that is, tion, avoided all intercourse with their so_ for twenty or thirty guineas clear profit; for ciety. In vain they strove to discover his he was often able to oblige his friends in this pedigree, and detect the particular circummanner, because, being an eminent connois- stances of his life and conversation; all their seur, his countenance was solicited by all the inquiries were baffled by the obscurity of his musicians who wanted to dispose of such origin, and that solitary scheme which he movables. had adopted in the beginning of his career. Nor did he neglect the other resources of The whole fruit of their investigation amounta skilful virtuoso. Every auction afforded ed to no more than a certainty that there was some picture, in which, though it had been no family of any consideration in Europe overlooked by the ignorance of the times, he known by the denomination of Fathom; and recognized the style of a great master, and this discovery they did not fail to divulge made a merit of recommending it to some for the benefit of our adventurer, who had noble friend. This commerce he likewise by this time taken such firm root in the faextended to medals, bronzes, busts, intaglios, vour of the great, as to set all those little arts and old china, and iept divers artificers con- at defiance; and when the report reached his tinually employed in making antiques for the ear, actually made his fiiends merry with English nobility. Thus he went on with such the conjectures which had been circulated at rapidity of success in all his endeavours, that his expense. he himself was astonished at the infatuation His adversaries, finding themselves dishe had produced. Nothing was so wretched appointed in this effort, held a consultation among the productions of art, that he could to devise other measures against him, and not impose upon the world as a capital per- came to a resolution of ending him by the formance; and so fascinated were the eyes sword, or rather of expelling him from the of his admirers, he could easily have per- kingdom, by the fear of death, which they suaded them that a barber's bason was an hoped he had not courage enough to resist, Etrurian Patera, and the cover of a copper because his deportment had been always repot, no other than the shield of Ancus Mar- markably mild and pacific. It was upon this tius. In short, it was become so fashionable supposition, that they left to the determinea to consult the count in every thing relating tion of the dice the choice of the person who to taste and politeness, that not a plan was should execute their plan; and the lot falling drawn, not even a house furnished, without upon a Swiss, who, from the station of a his advice and approbation; nay, to such a foot-soldier in the Dutch service, out of which decree did his reputation in these matters lihe had been drummed for theft, had erected excel, that a particular pattern of paper- himself into the rank of a self-created cheva.. hangings was known by the name of Fathom; lier: this hero fortified himself with a double and his hall was every morning crowded with dose of brandy, and betook himself to a cerupholsterers and other tradesmen, who came, tain noted coffee-house, with an intent to by order of their employers, to learn his affront Count Fathom in public. choice, and take his directions. HIe was lucky enough to find our advenThe character and influence he thus ac- turer sitting at a table in conversation with quired he took care to maintain with the some persons of the first rank: upon which utmost assiduity and circumspection: he he seated himself in the next box, and, after never failed to appear the chief personage at having intruded himself into their discourse, all public diversions and private assemblies, which happened to turn upon the politics of not only in conversation and dress, but also some German courts —" Count," said he to in the article of dancing, in which he out- Ferdinand, in a very abrupt and disagreeable stripped all his fellows, as far as in every manner of address,;I was last night in comother genteel accomplishment. pany with some gentlemen, among whom a 37' X440 1SMOLLETT'S SELECT WORKS. dispute happened about the place of your pected every moment. Ferdinand, who had nativity; pray, what country are you of " taken post in a proper place for observation, 1" Sir," answered the other, with great po- seeing his antagonist fairly admitted, took liteness, " I at present have the honour to be the same road, and appearing before him, in England." " Oho!" replied the chevalier, wrapped up in a long Spanish cloak, desired " I ask your pardon, that is to say you are to know what had procured him the honour incog. Some people may find it convenientto of such an early visit. The Swiss, raising keep themselves in that situation." "True," his voice to conceal his agitation, explained said the count, "but some people are too his errand, in demanding reparation for the well known to enjoy that privilege." The injury his honour had sustained the preceding Swiss being a' little disconcerted at this day, in that odious allusion to a scandalous repartee, which extracted a smile from the report which had been raised by the malice audience, after some pause, observed, that of his enemies: and insisted, in a very impersons of a certain class had good reason to perious style, upon his attending him forthdrop the remembrance of what they have with to the nursery in Hyde park. "Have been; but a good citizen will not forget his a little patience," said our adventurer, with country or former condition. " And a bad great composure, " and I will do myself the citizen," said Fathom, " cannot if he would, pleasure to wait upon you in a fbw moprovided he has met with his deserts; a ments." sharper may as well forget the shape of a die, With these words, he rung the bell, and or a discarded soldier the sound of a drum." calling for a bason of water, laid aside his As the chevalier's character and story were cloak, and displayed himself in his shirt, with not unknown, this application raised a uni- a sword in his right hand, which was all over versal laugh at his expense, which provoked besmeared with recent blood, as if he had him to such a degree, that starting up, he just come from the slaughter of a foe. This swore Fathom could not have mentioned any phenomenon made such an impression upon object in nature that he himself resembled so the astonished chevalier, already discomposed much as a drum, which was exactly typified by the resolute behaviour of the count, that by his emptiness and sound, with this differ- he became jaundiced with terror and dismay, ence, however, that a drum was never noisy and, while his teeth chattered in his head, till beaten, whereas the count would never told our hero he had hoped, from his known be quiet, until he should have undergone the politeness, to have found him ready to acsame discipline. So saying, he laid his hand knowledge an injury which might have been upon his sword, with a menacing look, and the effect of anger or misapprehension, in walked out as if in expectation of being fol- which case the affair might have been com. lowed by our adventurer, who suffered him- promised to their mutual satisfaction, withself to be detained by the company, and very out proceeding to those extremities, which, calmly took notice, that his antagonist would among men of honour, are always accounted not be ill pleased at their interposition. the last resource. To this representation Perhaps he would not have comported him- Ferdinand answered, that the affair had been self with such ease and deliberation, had not of the chevalier's own seeking, inasmuch as he made such remarks upon the disposition he had intruded himself into his company, of the chevalier, as convinced him of his own and treated him with the most insolent and safety. He had perceived a perplexity and unprovoked abuse, which plainly flowed from perturbation in the countenance of the Swiss, a premeditated design against his honour and when he first entered the coffee-room: his reputation; he, therefore, far from being disblunt and precipitate way of accosting him, posed to own himself in the wrong, would seemed to denote confusion and compulsion; not even accept of a public acknowledgeand, in the midst of his ferocity, this accurate ment from him, the aggressor, whom he observer discerned the trepidation of fear. looked upon as an infamous sharper, and was By the help of these signs, his sagacity soon resolved to chastise accordingly. comprehended the nature of his schemes, Here the conversation was interrupted by and prepared accordingly for a formal de- the arrival of a person who was brought to fiance. the door in a chair, and conducted into anoHis conjecture was verified next morning ther apartment, from which a message was by a visit from the chevalier, who taking it brought to the count, importing, that the for granted that Fathom would not face an stranger desired to speak with him upon adversary in the field, because he had not business of the last importance. Fathom, followed him from the coffee-house, went to having chid the servant for admitting people his lodgings with great confidence, and de- without his order, desired the Swiss to excuse manded to see the count upon an affair that him for a minute lonoer, and went into the would admit of no delay. Maurice, accord- next room, from whence the following diaing to his instructions, told him that his logue was overheard by this challenger. master was gone out, but desired he would " Count," said the stranger, " you are not have, the goodness to repose himself in a ignorant of my pretensions to the heart of aw'1our. t;il the count's return, which he cx- that young lady, at whose house I met you ADVENTURES OF FERDINAND COUNT FATHOM. 441 yesterday; therefore you cannot be surprised the remembrance of that dreadful declaration when I declare myself displeased with your which he had heard the count make, after visits and behaviour to my mistress, and de- having overcome his last adversary; and he mand that you will instantly promise to drop continued under the power of the most unthe correspondence." "Else what follows." supportable panic, until the carriage halted answered Ferdinand, with a cool and tem- at Hyde park corner, where he crawled forth perate voice. " My resentment and imme- in a most piteous and lamentable condition; diate defiance," replied the other: "for the so that, when they reached the spot. he was only alternative I propose, is to forego your scarce able to stand. design upon that lady, or to decide our pre- Here he made an effort to speak, and protensions by the sword." pose an accommodation upon a new plan, by'Our hero, having expressed a regard for which he promised to leave his cause to the this visitant as the son of a gentleman whom arbitrement of those gentlemen who were he honoured, was at the pains to represent present at the rupture, and to ask pardon of the unreasonableness of his demand, and the the count, provided he should be found guilty folly of his presumption; and earnestly ex- of a trespass upon good manners: but this horted him to put the issue of his cause upon proposal would not satisfy the implacable a more safe and equitable 4ooting. But this Ferdinand, who, perceiving the agony of the admonition, instead of appeasing the wrath, Swiss, resolved to make the most of the adseemed to inflame the resentment of the venture; and giving him to understand he apponent, who swore he would not leave him was not a man to be trifled with, desired until he should have accomplished the pur- him to draw without further preamrble. Thus port of his errand. In vain our adventurer compelled, the unfortunate gamester pulled requested half an hour for the dispatch of off his coat, and putting himself in a posture, some urgent business, in which he was en- to use the words of Nym, —" winked and gaged with a gentleman in the other parlour: held out his cold iron." this impetuous rival rejected all the terms he Our adventurer, far from making a gentle could propose, and even challenged him to use of the advantages lie possessed, fiercely decide the controversy upon the spot; an attacked him, while lie was incapable of makexpedient to which the other having assented ing resistance, and aiming at a fleshy part, with reluctance, the door was secured, the ran him through the arm and outside of the swords unsheathed, and a hot engagement shoulder at the very first pass: the chevalier, ensued, to the inexpressible pleasure of the already stupified with the horror of expectaSwiss, who did not doubt that he himself tion, no sooner felt his adversary's point in would be screened'from all danger by the his body, than he fell to the ground, and, conevent of this rencounter: nevertheless, his cluding he was no longer a man fur this hope was disappointed in the defeat of the world, began to cross himself with great stranger, who was quickly disarmed, in con- devotion, while Fathom walked home delibesequence of a wound through the sword-arm; rately, and in his way sent a couple of chairupon which occasion Fathom was heard to men to the assistance of the wounded knight. say, that, in consideration of his youth and This achievement, which could not be confamil]:, he had spared his life; but he would cealed from the knowledge of the public, not not act with the same tenderness towards only furnished the character of Fathom with any other antagonist. He then bound up fresh wreaths of admiration and applause. the limb he had disabled, conducted the van- but likewise effectually secured him from any quished party to his chair, rejoined the che- future attempts of his enemies, to whom the valier with a serene countenance, and, asking Swiss, for his own sake, had communicated pardon for having detained him so long, such terrible ideas of his valour, as overawed proposed they should instantly set out in a the whole community. hackney-coach for the place of appointment. The stratagem, thus conducted, had all the success the inventor could desire. The fear CHAPTER XXXIV. of the Swiss had risen almost to an ecstasy before the count quitted the room; but after He pelforms another exploit, that conveys this sham battle, which had been precon- a true idea of his gratitude and honorur. certed betwixt our adventurer and his friend Ratchcali, the chevalier's terrors were un- IT was not long after this celebrated victory, speakable. He considered Fathom as a that he was invited to spend part of the sumdevil incarnate, and went into the coach as mer at the house of a country gentleman, a malefactor bound for Tyburn. He would who lived about one hundred miles from Lonu have gladly compounded for the loss of a leg don, possessed of a very opulent fortune, the or arm, and enrtertained some transient gleams greatest part of which was expended in acts of hope, that he should escape for half a of old English hospitality. He had met with dozen flesh-wounds, which he would have our hero by accident at the table of a certain willingly received as the price of his pre- great man, and was so struck with his mansumption; but thExe hopes were banished by ner and conversation, as to desire his ac. 3F 442 SMIOLLETT'S SELECT WORKS. quaintance, and cultivate his friendship; and the sure ascendency he had gained over her he thought himself extremely happy in having in this particular; and forthwith began to prevailed upon him to pass a few weeks in execute the plan he had erected for her dehis family. struction. That he might the more effectFathom, among his other observations, ually deceive the vigilance of her father's perceived that there was a domestic uneasi- wife, he threw such a dash of affectation into ness, occasioned by a very beautiful young his complaisance towards Celinda, as could creature about the age of fifteen, who resided not escape the notice of that prying matron, in the house under the title of the gentleman's though it was not palpable enough to disniece, though she was in reality his natural oblige the young lady herself, who could not daughter, born before his marriage. This so well distinguish between overstrained circurnstance was not unknown to his lady, courtesy and real good breeding: this behaby whose express approbation he had be- viour screened him from the suspicion of the stowed particular attention upon the educa- family, who considered it as an effort of potion of the child, whom we shall distinguish liteness, to cover his indifference and disgust by the name of Celinda: their liberality in for the daughter of his friend, who had by this particular had not been misapplied; for this time given some reason to believe she she not only gave marks of uncommon capa- looked upon him with the eyes of affection; city, but as she grew up, became more and so that the opportunities he enjoyed of conmore amiable in her person, and was now versing with her in private, were less liable returned from the boarding-school, possessed to intrusion or inquiry. Indeed, from what of every accomplishment that could be ac- I have already observed, touching the sentiquired by one of her age and opportunities. ments of her stepdame, that lady, far from These qualifications, which endeared her to taking measures for thwarting our hero's every other person, excited the jealousy and design, would have rejoiced at the execution displeasure of her supposed aunt, who could of it; and had she been informed of his intent, not bear to see her own children eclipsed by might have fallen upon some method to fathis illegitimate daughter, whom she there- cilitate the enterprise: but, as he solely fore discountenanced upon all occasions, and depended upon his own talents, he never exposed to such mortifications as would in dreamed of soliciting such an auxiliary. all appearance drive her from her father's Under cover of instructing and accomhouse. This persecuting spirit was very dis- plishing her in the exercise of music, he could agreeable to the husband, who loved Celinda not want occasions for promoting his aim; with a truly paternal affection, and produced when, after having soothed her sense of hearabunda.nce of family disquiet; but being a ing, even to a degree of ravishment, so as to man of a peaceable and yielding disposition, extort from her an exclamation, importing, he could not long maintain the resolution he that he was surely something supernatural! had taken in her favour, and therefore he he never failed to whisper some insidious ceased opposing the malevolence of his wife. compliment or tale of love, exquisitely suited In this unfortunate predicament stood the to the emotions of her soul. Thus was her fair bastard, at the arrival of our adventurer, heart insensibly subdued, though more than who, being allured by her charms, and ap- half his work was still undone; for, At all prised of her situation at the same time, took times, she disclosed such purity of sentiment, the generous resolution to undermine her such inviolable attachment to religion and innocence, that he might banquet his vicious virtue, and seemed so averse to all sorts of appetite with the spoils of her beauty. Per- inflammatory discourse, that he durst not haps such a brutal design might not have presume upon the footing he had gained in entered his imagination, if he had not ob- her affection, to explain the baseness of his served, in the disposition of this hapless desire; he therefore applied to another of maiden, certain peculiarities, from which he her passions, that proved the bane of her derived the most confident presages of suc- virtue; this was her timidity, which at first Cess. Besides a total want of experience, being constitutional, was afterwards increased that left her open and unguarded against the by the circumstances of her education, and attacks of the other sex, she discovered a now aggravated by the artful conversation remarkable spirit of credulity and supersti- of Fathom, which he chequered with dismal tious fear, which had been cherished by the stories of omens, portents, prophecies, and conversation of her school-fellows: she was apparitions, delivered upon such unquestionparticularly fond of music, in which she had able testimony, and with such marks of conmade some progress; but so delicate was the viction, as captivated the belief of the detexture of her nerves, that one day, while voted Celinda, and filled her imagination Fathom entertained the company with a with unceasing terrors. favourite air, she actually swooned with plea- In vain she strove to dispel those frightful sure. ideas, and avoid such topics of discourse for Such sensibility, our projector well knew, the future: the more she endeavoured to must be diffused through all the passions of banish them, the more troublesome they beher heart; he congratulated himself upon came; and such was her infatuation, that as ADVENTURES OF FERDINAND COUNT FATHOMI. 443 her terrors increased, her thirst after that merely because it was a step altogether opsort of knowledge was augmented. Many posite to the forms and decorum of life. sleepless nights did she pass amidst those Nevertheless, far from being discouraged by horrors of fancy, starting at every noise, and this repulse, he knew her fears would multisweating with dreary apprehension, yet ply, and reduce that reluctance, which, in ashamed to own her fears, or solicit the com- order to weaken, he had recourse to another f)rt of a bed-fellow, lest she should incur the piece of machinery, that operated powerfully ridicule and censure of her father's wife; in behalf of his design. and what rendered this disposition the more Some years ago, a twelve-stringed instruirlksome, was the solitary situation of her ment was contrived by a very ingenious chamber, that stood at the end of a long musician, by whom it was aptly entitled the gallery scarce within hearing of any other harp of LEolus, because, being properly apinhabited part of the house. plied to a stream of air, it produces a wild All these circumstances had been duly irregular variety of harmonious sounds, that weighed by our projector, who, having pre- seem to be the effect of enchantment, and pared Celinda for his purpose, stole at mid- wonderfully dispose the mind for the most night from high apartment, which was in romantic situations. Fathom, who was really another story, and, approaching her door, a virtuoso in music, had brought one of those there uttered a piteous groan; then softly new-fashioned guitars into the country, and retired to his bed, in fiull confidence of seeing as the effect of it was still unknown in the next day the effect of this operation; nor did family, lie that night converted it to the purhis arrow miss the mark. Poor Celinda's poses of his amour, by fixing it in the casecountenance gave such indications of melan- ment of a window belonging to the gallery, choly and dismay, that he could not omit exposed to the west wind, which then blew asking the cause of her disquiet, and she, at in a gentle breeze. The strings no sooner his earnest request, was prevailed upon to felt the impression of the balmy zephyr, than communicate the dreadful salutation of the they began to pour forth a stream, of melody preceding night, which she considered as an more ravishingly delightful than the song of omen of death to some person in the family, Philomel, the warbling brook, and all the in all probability to herself, as the groan concert of the wood. The soft and tender seemed to issue from one corner of her own notes of peace and love were swelled up, apartment. Our adventurer argued against with the most delicate and insensible transithis supposition, as contradictory to the tion, into a loud hymn of triumph and exulcommon observation of those supernatural tation, joined by the deep-toned organ, and warnings; which are not usually imparted to a full choir of voices which gradually decayed the person who is doomed to die, but to some upon the ear, until it died away in distant faithful friend, or trusty servant, particularly sound, as if a flight of angels had raised the interested in the event. He therefore sup- song in their assent to heaven. Yet the posed, that the groans foreboded the death chords hardly ceased to vibrate after the of my lady, who seemed to be in a drooping expiration of this overture, which ushered in state of health, and were, by her genius, a composition in the same pathetic style; conveyed to the organs of Celinda, who was and this again was succeeded by a third, the chief sufferer by her jealous and barbar- almost without pause or intermission, as if oois disposition: he likewise expressed an the artist's hand had been indefatigable, and earnest desire to be an ear-witness of such the theme never to be exhausted. solemn communication, and, alleging that it His heart must be quite callous, and his was highly improper for a young lady of her ear lost to all distinction, who could hear delicate feelings to expose herself alone to such harmony without emotion; how deeply such another dismal visitation, begged he then must it have affected the delicate Cemigrht be allowed to watch all night in her linda, whose sensations, naturally acute, chamber, in order to defend her fiom the were whetted to a most painful keenness by shocking -impressions of fear. her apprehension, who could have no preThough no person ever stood more in need vious idea of such entertainment, and was of a companion or guard, and her heart credulous enough to believe the most improthrobbed with transports of dismay at the bable tale of superstition! She was overpr'ospect of night, she rejected his proposal whelmed with awful terror, and, never doubtwith due acknowledgement, and resolved to ing that the sounds were more than mortal, t;rst solely to the protection of Heaven: not recommended herself to the care of Provithat she thought her innocence or reputation dence in a succession of pious ejaculations. could suffer by her comnpliance with his re- Our adventurer, having allowed some time quest; for hitherto her heart was a stranger for the effect of this contrivance, repaired' to to those young desires which haunt the fancy, her chamber-door, and, in a whisper conand warm the breast of youth; so that, being veyed through the key-hole, asked if she was ignorant of her danger, she saw not the ne- awake, begged pardon for such an unseasoncessity of avoiding temptation: but she re- able visit, and desired to know her opinion fused to admit a man into her bed-chamber, of the strange music which he then heard. 444 SMOLLETT'S SELECT WORKS. In spite of her notions of decency, she wvas exclamation of-" Heaven watch over us!" glad of his intrusion, and, being in no con- and then asked, with symptoms of astonishdition to observe punctilios, slipped on a ment, if she had heard nothing. Such an wrapper, opened the door, and, with a fault- abrupt address, upon such an occasion, did ering voice, owned herself frightened almost not fail to amaze and affright the gentle to distraction. He pretended to console her Celinda, who, unable to speak, sprung towith reflections, importing, that she was in wards her treacherous protector; and he, the hands of a benevolent Being, who would catching her in his arms, bade her fear nonot impose upon his creatures any task which thing, for he would, at the expense of his they could not bear; he insisted upon her life, defend her from all danger. returning to bed, and assured her he would Having thus, by tampering with her weaknot stir from her chamber till day. Thus ness, conquered the first and chief obstacles comforted, she betook herself again to rest, to his design, he, with great art and persewhile he sat down in an elbow-chair at some verance, improved the intercourse to such a distance from the bedside, and, in a soft voice, degree of intimacy as could not but be probegan the conversation with her on the sub- ductive of all the consequences which he had ject of those visitations from above, which, foreseen. The groans and music were octhough undertaken on pretence of dissipating casionally repeated, so as to alarm the whole her fear and anxiety, was in reality calculated family, and inspire a thousand various confor the purpose of augmenting both. jectures. He failed not to continue his noc" That sweet air," said he, "seems de- turnal visits and ghastly discourse, until his signed for soothing the bodily anguish of attendance became so necessary to this unsome saint in his last moments. Hark! how happy maiden, that she durst not stay in her it rises into a more sprightly and elevated own chamber without his company, nor ever. strain, as if it were an inspiriting invitation sleep, except in contact with her betrayer. to the realms of bliss! Sure he is now ab- Such a commerce, between two such per. solved from all the misery of this lifb! That sons of a different sex, could not possibly be full and glorious concert of voices and celes- long carried on, without degenerating from tial harps betoken his reception among the the Platonic system of sentimental love. In heavenly choir, who now waft his soul to her paroxysms of dismay, he did not forget paradisian joys! This is altogether great, to breathe the soft inspirations of his passion, solemn, and amazing! The clock strikes to which she listened with more pleasure, as one, the symphony hath ceased!" they diverted the gloomy ideas of her fear; This was actually the case; for he had and by this time his extraordinary accomordered Maurice to remove the instrument plishments had made a conquest of her heart. at that hour, lest the sound of it should be- What, therefore, could be a more interesting come too familiar, and excite the curiosity transition than that from the most uneasy to of some undaunted domestic, who miglht the most agreeable sensation of the human fiustrate his scheme, by discovering the ap- breast. pa.ratus. As for poor Celinda, her fancy was, This being the case, the reader will not by his music and discourse, worked up to wonder that a consummate traitor, like Fathe highest pitch of enthusiastic terrors: the thom, should triumph over the virtue of an whole bed shook with her trepidation, the artless innocent young creature, whose passawful silence that succeededthe supernatural ions he had entirely under his command. music threw an additional damp upon her The gradations towards vice are almost imspirits, and the artful Fathom affecting to perceptible, and an experienced seducer can snore at the same time, she could no longer strew them with such enticing and agreeable contain her horror, but called upon his name flowers, as will lead the young sinner on with a fearful accent, and, having owned her insensibly, even to the most profligate stages present situation insupportable, entreated of guilt. All, therefore, that can be done by him to draw near her bed-side, that he might virtue, unassisted with experience, is to avoid be within touch on any emergency. every trial with such a formidable foe, by This was a welcome request to our adven- declining and discouraging the first advances turer, who, asking pardon for his drowsiness, towards a particular correspondence with and taking his station on the side of her bed, perfidious man, howsoever agreeable it may exhorted her to compose herself; then lock- seem to be; for here is no security but in ing her hand fast in his own, was again conscious weakness. seized with such an inclination to sleep, that Fathom, though possessed of the spoils he gradually sunk down by her side, and of poor Celinda's honour, did not enjoy his seemed to enjoy his repose in that attitude. success with tranquillity. Reflection and Meanwhile, his tender-hearted mistress, that remorse often invaded her in the midst of he might not suffer in his health by his hu- their guilty pleasures, and embittered all inanity and complaisance, covered him with those moments they had dedicated to mutual the counterpane as he slept, and suffered him bliss! for the seeds of virtue are seldom deto take his rest without interruption, till he stroyed at once; even amidst the rank prothought proper to start up suddenly with an ductions of vice they regerminate to a sort ADVENTURES OF FERDINAND COUNT FATHOM. 445 of imperfect vegetation, like some scattered Celinda, she became more and more addicted hyacinths shooting up among the weeds of to the vices in which she had been initiated a ruined garden, that testify the former cul- by his superlative perfidy and craft, until she ture and amenity of the soil. She sighed at was quite abandoned by decency and caution. the sad remembrance of that virgin dignity Her father's heart was torn with anguish, which she had lost; she wept at the prospect while his wife rejoiced in her fall: at length of that disgrace, mortification, and misery, her ideas were quite debased by her infirmity; she should undergo, when abandoned by this she grew every day more and more sensual transient lover; and severely reproached him and degenerate, and contracted an intimacy for the arts he had used to shipwreck her with one of the footmen, who was kind innocence and peace. enough to take her to wife, in hope of obtainSuch expostulations are extremely unsea- ing a good settlement from his master; but, sonable, when addressed to a man well nigh being disappointed in his aim, he conducted sated with the effects of his conquest; they her to London, where he made shift to inact like strong blasts of wind applied to sinuate himself into another service, leaving embers almost extinguished, which, instead to her the use, and partly the advantage, of of reviving the flame, scatter and destroy her own person, which was still uncommonly every remaining particle of fire. Our adven- attractive. turer, in the midst of his peculiarities, had inconstancy in common with the rest of his sex. More than half cloyed with the pos-CHAPTER XXXV. session of Celinda, he could not fail to be disgusted with her upbraidings; and had she not been the daughter of a gentleman, whose He repairs to Bristol spring, where he friendship he did not think it his interest to reigns paramount during the whole seaforfeit, he would have dropped this corres- son. pondence without reluctance or hesitation; but as he had measures to keep with a family WE shall therefore leave her in this comof such consequence, he constrained his in- fortable situation, and return to our advenclinations so far as to counterfeit those rap- turer, whose appearance at Bristol was contures lie no longer felt, and found means to sidered as a happy omen by the proprietor appease those intervening tumults of her of the hot well, and all the people who live grief. by the resort of company to that celebrated Foreseeing, however, that it would not be spring. Nor were they deceived in their always in his power to console her on these prognostic: Fathom, as usual, formed the terms, he resolved, if possible, to divide her nucleus or kernel of the beau monde; and affection, which now glowed upon him too the seaswi soon became so crowded, that intensely; and, with that view, whenever she many people of fashion were obliged to quit complained of the vapours or dejection, he the place for want of lodging. Ferdinand prescribed, and even insisted upon her swal- was the soul that animated the whole society. lowing, certain cordials of the most palatable He not only invented parties of pleasure, but composition, without which he never tra- also, by his personal talents, rendered them velled; and these produced such agreeable more agreeable; in a word, he regulated their reveries and flow of spirits, that she gradually diversions, and the master of the ceremonies became enamoured of intoxication; while never would allow the ball to be begun till he encouraged the pernicious passion, by the count was seated. expressing the most extravagant applause Having thus made himself the object of and admiration at the wild irregular sallies it admiration and esteem, his advice was an produced. Without having first made this oracle, to which they had recourse in all diversion, he would have found it impracti- doubtful cases of punctilio or dispute, or even cable to leave the house in tranquillity; but of medicine; for, among his other accomwhen this bewitching philtre grew into a plishments, his discourse on that subject was habit, her attachment to Ferdinand was in- so plausible, and well adapted to the undersensibly dissolved; she began to bear his standing of his hearers, that any person who neglect with indifference, and, sequestering had not actually studied the medical art herself from the rest of the family, used to would have believed he was inspired by the solicit this new ally for consolation. spirit of EAsculapius. What contributed to) Having thus put the finishing stroke to the aggrandizement of his. character in this the daughter's ruin, lie took leave of the branch of knowledge was a victory he ob-'father, with many acknowledgements and tained over an old physician, who plied at expressions of gratitude for his hospitality the well, and had one day unfortunately beand friendship, and, riding across the country gun to harangue in the pump-room upon the, to Bristol, took up his habitation near the nature of the Bristol water. In the course hot well, where he staid during the remain- of this lecture he undertook to account for ing part of the season. As for the miserable the warmth of the fluid; and his ideas being A446 SMOLLETT'S SELECT WORKS. perplexed with a great deal of reading, which superficial observation, will be more agreehe had not been able to digest, his disquisi- able, because better adapted to the comntion was so indistinct, and his expression so prehension of the hearers. Thirdly, the obscure and unentertaining, that our hero judgment of the multitude is apt to be biassed seized the opportunity of displaying his own by that surprise which is the effect of seeing erudition, by venturing to contradict some an artist foiled at his own weapons, by one circumstances of the doctor's hypothesis, and who engages him only for amusement. substituting a theory of his own, which, as Fathom, besides these advantages, was he had invented it for the purpose, was blessed with a flow of language, an elegant equally amusing and chimerical. address, a polite and self-denying style of He alleged, that fire was the sole vivifying argumentation, together with a temper not principle that pervaded all nature; that as the to be ruffled; so that the victory could not heat of the sun concocted the juice of vege- long waver between him and the physician, tables, and ripened those fruits that grow to whom he was infinitely superior in every upon the surface of this globe, there was acquisition but that of solid learning, of which likewise an immense store of central fire re- the judges had no idea. This contest was served within the bowels of the earth, not not only glorious but profitable to our adonly for the generation of gems, fossils, and venturer, who grew into such request in his all the purposes of the mineral world, but like- medical capacity, that the poor doctor was wvise for cherishing and keeping alive those utterly deserted by his patients, and Fathom's plants which would otherwise perish by the advice solicited by every valetudinarian in winter's cold. The existence of such a fire the place! nor did he forfeit the character he he proved from the nature of all those vol- thus acquired by any miscarriages in his canoes, which in almost every corner of the practice: being but little conversant with the earth are continually vomiting up eitherflames materia medica, the circle of his prescriptions or smoke. " These," said he, "are the great was very small; his chief study was to avoid vents appointed by nature for the discharge all drugs of rough operation and uncertain of that ratrified air and combustible matter, effect, and to administer such only as should which, if confined, would burst the globe be agreeable to the palate, without doing asunder; but, besides the larger outlets, there violence to the constitution. Such a physiare some small chimneys through Which part cian could not but be agreeable to people of of the heat transpires; a vapour of that sort, all dispositions; and, as most of the patients I conceive, must pass through the bed or were in some shape hypochondriac, the power channel of this spring, the waters of which of imagination, co-operating with his rerne accordingly retain a moderate warmth." dies, often effected a cure. This account, which totally overthrew the On the whole, it became the fashion t, other's doctrine, was so extremely,agreeable consult the count in all distempers, and his to the audience, that the testy doctor lost his reputation would have had its run, though temper, and gave them to understand, with- the death of every patient had given the lie out preamble, that he must be a person wholly to his pretensions. But empty fame was not ignorant of natural philosophy who could the sole fruit of his success. Though no invent such a ridiculous system, and they person would presume to affront this noble involved in worse than an Egyptian fog that graduate with a fee, they did not fail to manicould not at once discern its weakness and fest their gratitude by some more valuable absurdity. This declaration introduced a present. Every day, some superb piece of dispute, which was unanimously determined china, curious snuff-box, or jewel, was pressed in favour of our adventurer. On all such upon him; so that, at the end of the season, occasions the stream of prejudice runs against he could almost have furnished a toy-shop the physician, even though his antagonist with the acknowledgements he had received. has nothing to recommend himself to the Not only his avarice, but his pleasure, was favour of the spectators; and this decision gratified in the course of his medical adminisdepends cupon divers considerations. In the tration: he enjoyed free access, egress, and first place, there is a continual war carried regress, with all the females at the well, on against the learned professions by all those and no matron scrupled to put her daughter who, conscious of their own ignorance, seek under his care and direction. These opporto level the reputation of their superiors with tunities could not be lost upon a man of his their own. Secondly, in all disputes upon intriguing genius; though he conducted his physic that happen betwixt a person who amours with such discretion, that, during the really understands the art and an illiterate whole season, no lady's character suffered en pretender, the arguments of the first will his account, yet he was highly fortunate in seem obscure and unintelligible to those who his addresses; and we may venture to affirm, are unacquainted with the previous systems that the reproach of barrenness was more:n which they are built; while the other's than once removed by the vigour of his en.heory, derived from common notions and deavours. ADVENTURES OF FERDINAND COUNT FATHOM. 447 the same time turn her beauty to good acCHAPTER YXXXVI. count. She joyfully listened to these remonstrances, and, in consequence of their Ile is smitten with the charms of a female mutual agreement, she repaired to Bristoladventurer, whose allurements subject spring, on pretence of an ill state of health, hitm to a new vicissitude of fortune. accompanied by her sister-in-law, whom they did not think proper to intrust with the real AMONG those who were distinguished by his motive of her journey. Fathom's person was gallantry was the young wife of an old citizen agreeable, and his finances supposed to be of London, who had granted her permission in flourishing order; therefore, she selected to reside at the hot well for. the benefit of her him from the herd of gallants, as a proper health, under the eye and inspection of his sacrifice to the powers which she adored; own sister, who was a maiden of fifty years. and, on her arrival in London, made her The pupil, whose name was Mrs Trapwell, husband acquainted with the importance of though low in stature, was finely shaped, her her conquest. countenance engaging, though her complex- Trapwell overwhelmed her with caresses ion was brown, her hair in colour rivalled the and praise for her discreet and dutiful conraven's back, and her eyes emulated the lustre duct, and faithfully promised that she should of the diamond. Fathom had been struck pocket in her own privy purse one half of the with her first appearance, but found it im- spoils that should be gathered from her gal practicable to elude the vigilance of her lant, whom she therefore undertook to be duenna, so as to make a declaration of his tray, after he had sworn, in the most solemin flame, until she herself; guessing the situation manner, that his intention was not to bring of his thoughts, and not displeased with the the affair to a public trial, which would rediscovery, thought proper to furnish him with dound to his own disgrace, but to extort a the opportunity he wanted, by counterfeiting round sum of money from the count, by way an indisposition, for the cure of which she of composition. Confiding in this protestaknew his advice would be implored. This tion, she in a few days gave him intelligence was the beginning of an acquaintance, which of an assignation she had made with our was soon improved to his wish; and so well adventurer, at a certain bagnio near Covent did she manage her attractions, as in some garden; upon which he secured the assistmeasure to fix the inconstancy of his dis- ance of a particular friend and his own jourposition; for, at the end of the season, his neyman, with whom, and a constable, he passion was not sated; and they concerted repaired to the place of rendezvous, where the means of continuing their commerce even he waited in an adjoiningo room, according to after their return to London. the directions of his virtuous spouse, until This intercourse effectually answered the she made the preconcerted signal of hempurpose of the husband, who had been de- ming thi'ee times aloud, when he and his coyed into matrimony by the cunning of his associates rushed into the chamber, and surspouse, whom he had privately kept as a prised our hero in bed with his inamorato. concubine before marriage. Conscious of The lady on this occasion acted her part her own precarious situation, she had re- to a miracle: she screamed at their approach;,olved to impose upon the infirmities of Trap- and, after an exclamation of —" Ruined and well, and, feigning herself' pregnant, gave undone!" fainted away in the arms of her him to understand she could no longer con- spouse, who had by this time seized her by ceal her condition fromn the knowledge of her the shoulders, and begun to upbraid her with brother, who was an officer in the army, and her infidelity and guilt. As for Fathom, his of such violent passions, that, should he once affliction was unutterable, when he found discover her backsliding, he would undoubt- himself discovered in that situation, and made edly wipe away the stains of his fanlily dis- prisoner by the two assistants, who had honour with her own blood as well as that pinioned him in. such a manner, that he could of her keeper. The citizen, to prevent such not stir, much less accomplish an escape. All a catastrophe, tools her to wife; but soon his ingenuity and presence of mind seemed to after perceiving the trick which had been forsake him in this emergency. The horrors played upon him, set his invention at work, of an English jury overspread his imaginaand at length contrived a scheme which he tion; for he at once perceived that the toil thought would enable him, not only to re- into which he had fallen was laid for the trieve his liberty, but also indemnify himself purpose; consequently he took it for granted for the mortification he had undergone. that there would be no deficiency in point of Far from creating any domestic disturb- evidence. Soon as he recollected himself, ance, by upbraiding her with her finesse, he he begged that no violence might be offered seemed perfectly well pleased with his ac- to his person, and entreated the husband to quisition: and as he knew her void of any favour him with a conference, in which the principle, and extremely addicted to pleasure, affair might be compromised, without prejuhe chose proper occasions to insinuate, that. dice to the reputation of either. she might gratify her own inclination, and at At first Trapwell breathed nothing buli 38 448 SMOLLETT'S SELECT WORKS. implacable revenge, but, by the persuasion of Such an adventure could not long lie con. his friends, after he had sent home his wife cealed from the notice of the public, even if in a chair, he was prevailed upon to hear the both parties had been at pains to suppress the proposals of the delinquent, who having as- circumstances: but the plaintiff, far from sured him, by way of apology, that he had seeking to cover, affected to complain loudly always believed the lady was a widow, made of his misfortune, that he might interest his nim an offer of five hundred pounds, as an neighbours in his behalf; and raise a spirit of atonement for the injury he had sustained. rancour and animosity, to influence the iury This being a sum nowise adequate to the ex- against this insolent foreigner, who had come pectation of the citizen, who looked upon the over into England to debauch our wives and count as possessor of an immense estate, he deflower our daughters; while he employed rejected the terms with disdain, and made a formidable band of lawyers to support the instant application to a judge, from whom he indictment, which he laid for ten thousand obtained a warrant for securing his person pounds damages. till the day of trial. Indeed, in this case, Meanwhile, Fathom and his associate did money was but a secondary consideration not fail to take all proper measures for his with Trapwell, whose chief aim was to be defence; they retained a powerful bar of legally divorced from a woman he detested. counsel, and the solicitor was supplied with Therefore there was no remedy for the un- one hundred pounds after another, to answer happy count, who in vain offered to double the expense of secret service; still assuring the sum: he found himself reduced to the his clients that every thing was in an excelbitter alternative of procuring immediate bail, lent train, and that his adversary would gain or going directly to Newgate. nothing but shame and confusion of face. In this dilemma he sent a messenger to Nevertheless, there was a necessity for posthis friend Ratchcali, whose countenance fell poning the trial, on account of a material when he understood the count's condition; evidence, who, though he wavered, was not nor would he open his mouth in the style of yet quite brought over; and the attorney consolation, until he had consulted a certain found means to put off the decision from solicitor of his acquaintance, who assured term to term, until there was no quibble left him the law abounded with such resources for further delay. While this suit was deas would infallibly screen the defendant, had pending, our hero continued to move in his the fact been still moie palpable than it was. usual sphere; nor did the report of his situaHe said there was great presumption to be- tion at all operate to his disadvantage ini the lieve the count had fallen a sacrifice to a con- polite world; on the contrary, it added a spiracy, which by some means or other would fresh plume to his character, in the eyes of be detected; and, in that case, the plaintiff all those who were not before acquainted might obtain one shilling in lieu of damages. with the triumphs of his gallantry. Notwithl-l If that dependence should fail, he hinted that, standing this countenance of his friends, he in all probability, the witnesses were not in- himself considered the affair in a very serious corruptible; or, should they prove to be so, light; and perceiving that, at any rate, he one man's oath was as good as another's; must be a considerable loser, he resolved to and, thank Heaven, there was no dearth of double his assiduity in trade, that he might evidence, provided money could be found to be the more able to afford the extraordinary answer the necessary occasions. expense to which he was subjected. Ratchcali, comforted by these insinuations, and dreading the resentment of our adventurer, who, in his despair, might punish him CHAPTER XXXVII. severely for his want of friendship, by some precipitate explanation of the commerce they had carried on; moved, I say, by these con- Fresh cause for exerting his equanimity siderations, and moreover tempted with the and fortitude. prospect of continuing to reap the advantages resulting from their conjunction, he and ano- THE reader may have observed, that Fathom, ther person of credit with whom he largely with all his circumspection, had a weak side, dealt in jewels, condescended to become which exposed him to sundry mischances: sureties for the appearance of Fathom, who this was his covetousness, which on some was accordingly admitted to bail. Not but occasions became too hard for his discretion: that the Tyrolese knew Ferdinand too well at this period of time it was, by the circumto confide in his parole; he depended chiefly stances of his situation, inflamed to a degree upon the ideas of self-interest, which, he of rapacity. He was now prevailed upon to thought, would persuade him to risk the un- take a hand at whist or piquet, and even to certain issue of a trial, rather than quit the wield the hazard-box; though he had hitherto field before the harvest was half over; and declared himself an irreconcileable enemy t( he resolved to make his own retreat without all sorts of play; and so uncommon were his ceremony, should our hero be unwise enough success and dexterity at these exercises, as to abandon his bail. to surprise his acquaintance, and arouse the ADVENTURES OF FERDINAND COUNT FATHOM. 449 suspicion of some people, who repined at his His company was no longer solicited with prosperity. that eagerness which they had formerly exBut in nothing was his conduct more in- pressed in his behalf; even his entertainexcusable than in giving way to the danger- ments were neglected: when he appeared at ous temerity of Ratchcali, which he had been any private or public assembly, the ladies, always at pains to restrain, and permitting instead of glowing with pleasure, as formerly, him to practise the same fraud upon an now tittered or regarded him with looks of English nobleman, which had been executed disdain: and a certain pert, little, forward upon himself at Frankfort. In other words, coquette, with a view to put him out of counthe Tyrolese, by the canal of Ferdinand's tenance, by raising the laugh at his expense, finger and recommendation, sold a pebble for asked him one night, at a drum, when he a real brilliant, and in a few days the cheat had heard from his relations in Poland 3 She was discovered, to the infinite confusion of succeeded in her design upon the mirth of our adventurer, who nevertheless assumed the audience, but was disappointed in the the guise of innocence with so much art, and other part of her aim! for our hero replied, expressed such indignation against the villain without the least mark of discomposure, — who had imposed upon his judgment and un- " They are all in good health at your service, suspecting generosity, that his lordship ac- madam;I wish I knew in what part of the quitted him of any share in the deceit, and world your relations reside, that I might recontented himself with the restitution, which turn the compliment." By this answer, he insisted upon making out of his own pocket, which was the more severe, as the young uiw h a e m be severenas the young until he should he able to apprehend the lady was of very doubtful extraction, he rerogue, who had thought proper to abscond torted the laugh upon the aggressor, though for his own safety. In spite of all this ex- he likewise failed in his attempt upon her culpation, his character did not fail to retain temper: for she was perhaps the only person a sort of stigma, which indeed the plainest temper:present who equalled himself in stability person proofs of innocence are hardly able to efface; countenance. and his connexion with such a palpable knave Notwithstanding this appearance of unas the Tyrolese appeared to be, had an effect withstanding this appearance of unto his prejudice in the minds of all those who concern, he was deeply touched with these were privy to the occurrence. marks of alienation in the behaviour of his When a man's reputation is once brought friends, and, foreseeing in his own disgrace in question, every trifle is, by the malevolece the total shipwreck of his fortune, he entered of mankind, magnified into a strong presump- into a melancholy deliberation with himself tion against the culprit: a few whispers about the means of retrieving his importance communicated by the envious mouth of slan- in the beau monde, or of turning his address der, which he can have no opportunity to into some other channel, where he could answer and refute, shall, in the opinion of stand upon a less slippery foundation. In the world, convict him of the most horrid this exercise of his thoughts, no scheme crimes; and for one hypocrite who is decked occurred more feasible than that of securing with the honours of virtue, there are twenty the booty he had made, and retiring with his good men who suffer the ignominy of vice; associate, who was also blown, into some so well disposed are individuals to trample other country, where their names and chaupon the fame of their fellow-creatures. If racters being unknown, they might pursue the most unblemished merit is not protected their old plan of commerce without molestafrom this injustice, it will not be wondered tion. He imparted this suggestion to the at that no quarter was given to the character Tyrolese, who approved the proposal of deof an adventurer like Fathom, who, among camping, though he combated with all his other unlucky occurrences, had the misfor- might our hero's inclination to withdraw tune to be recognized about this time by his himself before the trial, by repeating the two Parisian friends, Sir Stentor Stiles and assurances of the solicitor, who told him he Sir Giles Squirrel. might depend upon being reimbursed by the These worthy knights-errant had returned sentence of the court for great part of the to their own country, after having made a sums he had expended in the course of the very prosperous campaign in France, at the prosecution. end of which, however, they very narrowly Fathom suffered himself to be persuaded escaped the galleys; and seeing the Polish by these arguments, supported with the desire count seated at the head of taste and polite- of making an honourable retreat, and waiting ness, they immediately circulated the story patiently for the day of trouble, discharged of his defeat at Paris, with many ludicrous his sureties, by a personal appearance ini circumstances of their own invention, and court. Yet this was not the only score he did not scruple to affirm that he was a tank discharged that morning; the solicitor preimpostor. When the laugh is raised upon a sented his own bill before they set out for great man he never fails to dwindle into Westminster-hall, and gave thee count to contempt. Ferdinand began to perceive a understand that it was the custom, from time change in the countenance of his friends. immemorial, for the client to clear with his 3 G attorney before trial. Ferdinand had nothing 450 SAMOLLETT'S SELECT WORKS. to object against this established rule, though recourse to his former sureties, one of whom he looked upon it as a bad omen, in spite of he meant to bilk, while the other might acall the solicitor's confidence and protesta- company him in his retreat: or, should both tions: and he was not a little confounded, these expedients miscarry, he determined, when looking into the contents, he found rather than part with his effects, to undergo himself charged with 350 attendances. He the most disagreeable confinement, in hope hnew it was not his interest to disoblige his of obtaining the jailor's connivance at his lawyer at such a juncture: nevertheless, he escape. could not help expostulating with him on These resolutions being taken, he met his this article, which seemed to be so falsely fate with great fortitude and equanimity, and stated with regard to the number; when his calmly suffered himself to be conveyed to questions drew on an explanation, by which the house of a sheriff's officer, who, as he he found he had incurred the penalty of three made his exit from the hall, according to his shillings and four pence for every time he own expectation, executed a writ against chanced to meet the conscientious attorney, him, at the suit of Trapwell, for a debt of either in the park, the coffeehouse, or the two thousand pounds. To this place he was street, provided they had exchanged the com- followed by his solicitor, who was allured by moll salutation: and he had great reason to the prospect of another job, and who with believe the solicitor had often thrown himself great demonstrations of satisfaction congrain his way, with a view to swell this item of tulated him upon the happy issue of the trial; his account. arrogating to himself the merit of having With this extortion our adventurer was saved him eight thousand pounds in the artifain to comply, because he lay at the mercy cle of damages, by the previous steps he had of the caitiff; accordingly, he with a good taken, and the noble defence that he and his grace paid the demand, which, including his friends the counsel had made for their client: former disbursements, amounted to three he even hinted an expectation of receiving a hundred and sixty-five pounds eleven shill- gratuity for his extraordinary care and disings and three pence three farthings, and cretion. then presenting himself before the judge, Fathom, galled as he was with his misforquietly submitted to the laws of the realm. tune, and enraged at the effrontery of this His counsel behaved like men of consummate pettifogger, maintained a serenity of counte-.abilities in their professioni; they exerted nance, and sent the attorney with a message themselves with equal industry, eloquence, to the plaintiff, importing, that, as he was a and erudition, in their endeavours to perplex foreigner, and could not be supposed to have the truth, browbeat the evidence, puzzle the so much cash about him, as to spare fit'teen judwe, and mislead the jury: but the defend- hundred pounds from the funds of his ordinary ant found himself wofully disappointed in expense, he would grant him a bond payable the deposition of Trapwell's journeyman, in two months, during which period he should whom the solicitor pretended to have con- be able to procure a proper remittance from verted to his interest: this witness, as the his own estate. While the solicitor was attorney afterwards declared, played booty, employed in this negotiation, he dispatched and the facts came out so clear, that Ferdi- his valet-de-chambre to one nobleman, and nand Count Fathom was convicted of crimi- Maurice to another, with billets, signifying nal conversation with the plaintiff's wife, the nature of the verdict which his adversary and cast in fifteen hundred pounds, under had obtained, and desiring that each would the denomination of damages. lend him a thousand pounds upon his parole, He was not so much surprised as afflicted until he could negotiate bills upon the contiat this decision, because he saw it gradually nent. approaching from the examination of the His three messengers returned almost at first evidence: his thoughts were now em- the same instant of time, and these were the ployed in casting about for some method of answers they brought back. deliverance from the snare in which he found Trapwell absolutely rejected his personal himself entangled.'To escape, he foresaw, security; and threatened him with all the would be impracticable, as Trapwell would horrors of a jail, unless he would immediately undoubtedly be prepared for arresting him discharge the debt, or procure sufficient before he could quit Westminster-hall; he bondsmen; and one of his quality-friends was too well acquainted with Ratchcali's favoured him with this reply to his request:principles, to expect any assistance from that " MY DEAR COUNT!-I am mortally chaquarter in money matters; and he was utterly grined at the triumph you have filrnished to averse to the payment of the sum awarded that rascally citizen. By the lard! the judge against him, which would have exhausted must have been in the terrors of cuckoldom, his whole fortune. He therefore resolvedto to influence the decision; and the jury, a try the friendship of some persons of fashion, mere herd of horned beasts, to bring in such with whom he had maintained an intimacy a barbarous verdict. Egad! at this rate, no of correspondence: should they fail hin in gentleman will be able to lie with another the day of his necessity, he proposed to have man's wife, but at the risk of a cursed prose ADVENTURES OF FERDINAND COUNT FATHOM. 451 cution. But to waive this disagreeable cir- nion, the finances of no foreign count were cumstance, which you must strive to forget; able to defray: he therefore lent a deaf ear I declare my mortification is still the greater, to the most pressing remonstrances of the because I cannot at present supply you with ambassador, who had recourse to several the trifle your present exigency requires; for, other merchants with the same bad success; to tell you a secret, my own finances are in so that the prisoner, despairing of bail, endamnable confusion. But a man of Count deavoured to persuade Ratchcali, that it Fathom's figure and address can never be would be his -interest to contribute a thousand puzzled for the want of such a paltry sum. pounds towards his discharge, that he might Adieu, my dear count! we shall, I suppose, be enabled to quit England with a good grace, have the pleasure of seeing you to-morrow at and execute his part of the plan they had ~White's; meanwhile, I have the honour to projected. be, with the most perfect attachment, yours, So powerful was his eloquence on the oc"GRIZZLEGRIN." casion, and such strength of argument did The other noble peer,; towhom he addressed he use, that even the Tyrolese seemed conhimself on this occasion, cherished the same vinced, though reluctantly, and agreed to sentiments of virtue, friendship, and gene- advance the necessary sum upon the bond rosity; but his expression was so different, and judgment of our adventurer, who, being that we shall, for the edification of the reader, disabled from transacting his own affairs in transcribe his letter in his own words:- person, was obliged to entrust Ratchcali with " SIR,-I was never more astonished than his keys, papers, and power of attorney, at the receipt of your very extraordinary bil- under the check and inspection of his faithful let, wherein you solicit the loan of a thousand Maurice and the solicitor, whose fidelity he pounds, which you desire may be sent with bespoke with the promise of an ample rethe bearer on the faith of your parole. Sir, compence. I have no money to send you or lend you; anrid cannot help repeating my expressions of surprise at your confidence in making such CHAPTER XXXVIII. a strange and unwarranted demand.'Tis true, I may have rhade professions of friend- The biter is bit. ship, while I looked upon you as a person of honour and good morals; but now that you YET, he had no sooner committed his effects are convicted of such a flagrant violation of to the care of this triumvirate, than his fancy the laws of that kingdom where you have was visited with direful warnings which probeen treated with such hospitality and re- duced cold sweats and palpitations, and spect, I think myself fully absolved from any threw him into such agonies of apprehension such conditional promise, which indeed is as he had never known before. He rememnever interpreted into any other than a bare bered the former desertion of the Tyrolese, compliment. I am sorry you have involved the recent villainy of the solicitor, and reyour character and fortune in such a dis- collected the remarks he had made upon the agreeable affair, and am, Sir, yours, &c. disposition and character of his valet, which "TROIMPINGTON." evinced him a fit companion for the other Ferdinand was not such a novice in the two. world as to be disappointed at these repulses; Alarmed at these reflections, he entreated especially as he had laid very little stress the bailiff to indulge him with a visit to his upon the application, which was made by own lodgings, and even offered one hundred way of an experiment upon the gratitude or guineas as a gratification for his compliance. caprice of those two noblemen, whom he had But the officer, who had formerly lost a con. actually more than once obliged with the siderable sum by the escape of a prisoner, same sort of assistance which he now soli- would not run any risk in an affair of such cited, though not to such a considerable consequence, and our hero was obliged to amount. submit to the tortures of his own presaging Having nothing further to expect from the fears. After he had waited five hours in the fashionable world, he sent the Tyrolese to most racking impatience, he saw the attorney the person who had been bail for his appear- enter with all the marks of hurry, fatigue, ance, with full instructions to explain his and consternation, and heard him exclaim,present occasion in the most favourable light, " Good God, have you seen the gentleman?" and desire he would reinforce the credit of Fathom found his fears realized in this inthe count with his security; but that gentle- terrogation, to which he answered in a tone man, though he placed the most perfect con- of horror and dismay,-" what gentleman! fidence in the honour of our hero, and would I suppose I am robbed: speak, and keep me have willingly entered into bonds again for no longer in suspense." " Robbed!" cried his personal appearance, was not quite so the attorney, " the Lord forbid! I hope you well satisfied of his circumstances, as to can depend upon the person you empowered become liable for the payment of two thou- to receive your jewels and cash 1 I must own sand pounds; an expense which, in his opi- his proceedings are a little extraordinary: 38* 452 SMOLLETT'S SELECT WORKS. for after he had rummaged your scrutoire, collected his spirits, which had been suddenly from which, in presence of me and your dissipated by Fathom's unexpected assault, servant, he took one hundred and fifty gui- he began to display one art of his occupation, neas, a parcel of diamond rings and buckles, which he always reserved for extraordinary according to this here inventory, which I occasions: this was the talent of abuse, which wrote with my own hand, and East-India he poured forth with such fluency of opprobonds to the tune of five hundred more, we brious language, that our hero, smarting as adjourned to Garraway's, where he left me he was, and almost desperate with his loss, alone under pretence of going to a broker of deviated from that temperance of behaviour his acquaintance who lived in the neighbour- which he had hitherto preserved, and, snatchhlood, while the valet, as I imagined, waited ing up the poker, with one stroke opened a for us in the alley. Well, sir, he staid so deep trench upon the attorney's skull, that long, that I began to be uneasy, and at length extended from the hind head almost to the resolved to send the servant in quest of him, upper part of the nose, upon each side of but when I went out for that purpose, deuce which it discharged a sanguine stream. Nota servant was to be found; though I in person withstanding the pain of this application, the inquired for him at every alehouse within solicitor was transported with joy at the sense half a mile of the place. I then despatched of the smart, and inwardly congratulated no less than five ticket-porters upon the scent himself upon the appearance of his own after them, and I myself, by a direction from blood, which he no sooner perceived than he the bar-keeper, went to Signior Ratchcali's exclaimed,-" I'm a dead man," and fell lodgings, where, as they told me, he had not upon the floor at full length. been seen since nine o'clock in the morning. Immediate recourse was had to a surgeon Upon this intimation, I came directly hither, in the neighbourhood, who having examined to give you timely notice, that you may the wound, declared there was a dangerous without delay take measures for your own depression of the first table of the skull, and security. The best thing you can do, is to that, if he could save the patient's life withtake out writs for apprehending him, in the out the application of the trepan, it would be counties of Middlesex, Surrey, Kent and one of the greatest cures that ever was percountissex, and I shall put them in the h Surrey, ent ands of formed. By this time, Fathom's first transEssex, ad I shall put them in the ands of port being overblown, he summoned up his trusty and diligent officers, who will soon whole resolution, and reflected upon his own ferret him out of his lurking place, provided whole resolution, that fortitud e pon his own lie skulks within ten miles of the bills of ruin, with that fortitude which had never he slulks wit in ten miles of the b ills of failed him in the emergencies of his fate: mortalityv to be sure the job will be ex- little disturbed at the prognostic of the surpensive; and all these runners must be paid geon, which he considered in the right point beforehand. But what then? the defendant of view,-" Sir," said he, " I am not so unis worth powder, and if we can once secure acquainted with the resistance of an attorhim, I'll warrant the prosecution will quit ney's skull, as to believe the chastisement I cost." have bestowed on him will at all endanger Fathom was almost choked with concern his life, which is in much greater jeopardy and resentment at the news of this mis- from the hands of the common executioner: _itance, so that he could not utter one word for, notwithstanding this accident, I am deuntil this narrative was finished. Nor was termined to prosecute the rascal for robbery his suspicion confined to the Tyrolese and with the utmost severity of the law, and, his own lacquey; he considered the solicitor that I may have a sufficient fund left for that as their accomplice and director, and was so prosecution, I shall not at present throw much provoked at the latter part of his away one farthing in unnecessary expense, harangue, that his discretion seemed to van- but insist upon being conveyed to prison ish, and, collaring the attorney,-" Villain!" without farther delay." said he, "you yourself have been a principal This declaration was equally unwelcome actor in this robbery:" then turning to the to the bailiff, surgeon, and solicitor, who, bystanders, " and I desire in the king's name upon the supposition that the count was a that he may be secured, until I can make person of fortune, and would rather part with oath before a magistrate in support of the an immense sum than incur the ignominy of chlarge. If you refuse your assistance in de- a jail, or involve himself in another disgracetaining him, I will makeimmediate application ful law-suit, had resolved to fleece him to the to one of the secretaries of state, who is my utmost of their power. But now the attorparticular friend, and he will see justice done ney, finding him determined to set his fate at to all parties." defiance, and to retort upon him a prosecuAt mention of this formidable name, the tion, which he had no design to undergo, bailiff and his whole family were in commo- began to repent heartily of the provocation tion, to obstruct the retreat of the lawyer, he had given, and to think seriously on some who stood aghast, and trembled under the method to overcome the obstinacy of the grasp of our adventurer: but, soon as he incensed foreigner. With this view, while found himself delivered from this embrace, the bailiff conducted him to bed in another by the interposition of the spectators, and ADVENTURES OF FERDINAND COUNT FATHOM. 4.53 apartment, he desired the catchpole to act quiet sort of a body, and a great scholar, and the part of a mediator between him and the it was a scandal to the place to see him going count, and furnished him with proper instruc- about in that naked condition. As for the tions for that purpose. Accordingly, the mad Frenchman with the beard, if you give landlord, on his return, told Fathom, that he him so much as a cheese paring you b-ch, was sure the solicitor was not a man for this I'll send you back to the hole, among your world, for that he had left him deprived of old companions; an impudent dog! I'll teach his senses, and praying to God with great him to draw his sword upon the governor of devotion for mercy to his murderer: he then an English county jail. What! I suppose he exhorted him, with many protestations of thought he had to do with a French hangfriendship, to compromise the unhappy affair tang-dang, rabbit him! he shall eat his white by exchanging releases with the attorney feather before I give him credit for a morsel before his delirium should be known, other- of bread." wise he would bring himself into a most Although our adventurer was very little dangerous premunire, whether the plaintiff disposed, at this juncture, to make observashould die of his wound, or live to prosecute tions foreign to his own affairs, he could not him for the assault. "And with regard to help taking notice of these extraordinary your charge of robbery against him," said he, injunctions; especially those concerning the "as it is no more than a bare suspicion, un- person who was entitled king, whom, howsupported by the least shadow of evidence, ever, he supposed to be some prisoner elected the bill would be thrown out, and then he as the magistrate by the joint suffrage of his might sue you for damages. I therefore, out fellows. Having taken possession of his of pure friendship and good nature, advise chamber, which he rented at five shillings you to compromise the affair, and, if you a-week, and being ill at ease in his own think proper, will endeavour to bring about a thoughts, he forthwith secured his door, unuthoual release, unmutual release." 7,dressed and went to bed, in which, though it Our hero, whose passion was by this time was none of the most elegant or inviting pretty well cooled, saw reason for assenting couches, he enjoyed profound repose after to the proposal; upon which the deed was the accumulated fatigues and mortifications immediately executed, the mediator's bill was of the day. Next morning, after breakfast discharged, and Ferdinand conveyed in a the keeper entered his agatv hackney coach to prison, after he had em- him to understand, that the gentlemen under powered his own landlord to discharge his his care, having heard ofthe count's arrival servants, and convert his effects into readyval servants, and convert is effecth s into ready had deputed one of their number to wait upon money. Thus, he saw himself, in the course him with the compliments of condolence of a few hours, deprived of his reputation, suitable to the occasion, and invite him to rank, liberty, and friends; and his fortune become a member of their society. Our hero reduced fromn two thousand pounds to some- become a member of their society. Our hero less thanfrom two thousand pondred, fifty of which could not politely dispense with this instance thingr less than two hundred, fifty of which of civility, and their ambassador being inhe h-iad carried to jail in his pocls~et, of civility, and their ambassador being instantly introduced by the name of Captain Minikin, saluted him with great solemnity. CHAPTER XXXIX. This was a person equally remarkable for his extraordinary figure and address; his age Our adrenturer is made acqugainted with a new seemed to border upon forty, his stature scene of life. amounted to five feet, his visage was long, meagre, and weather-beaten, and his aspect, JUST as he entered these mansions of misery, though not quite rueful, exhibited a certain his ears were invaded with a hoarse and formality, which was the result of care and dreadful voice, exclaiming,-"You, Bess conscious importance. He was very little Beetle, score a couple of fresh eggs, a penny- encumbered with flesh and blood; yet what worth of butter, and a half pint of mountain, body he had was well proportioned, his limbs to the king; and stop credit till the bill is were elegantly turned, and by his carriage paid:-he is now debtor for fifteen shillings he was well entitled to that compliment which and sixpence, and damn me if I trust him one we pay to any person when we say he has farthing more, if he was the best king in very much the air of a gentleman. There Christendom. And, d'ye hear, send Ragged- was also an evident singularity in his dress, head with five pounds of potatoes for Major which, though intended as an improvement, Macleaver's supper, and let him have what appeared to be an extravagant exaggeration dIrink hewants: the fat widow gentlewoman of the mode, and at once evinced him an from Pamlico has promised to quit his score. original to the discerning eyes of our advenSir Mungo Barebones may have some hasty turer, who received him with his usual compudding and small beer, though I don't ex- plaisance, and made a very eloquent acknowpect to see his coin, no more than to receive ledgement of the honour and satisfaction he the eighteen pence I laid out for a pair of received from the visit of the representative, breeches to his backside-what then. he's a and the hospitality of his constituents. The captoin's peculiarities were not confined to 454 SMOLLETT'S SELECT WORKS. his external appearance; for his voice re- more than thinking aloud, entre nous, his sembled the sound of a bassoon, or the aggre- Corsican majesty has been scurvily treated gate hum of a whole bee-hive, and his dis- by a certain administration; be that as it course was almost nothing else than a series will, he is a personage of a very portly apof quotations from the English poets, inter- pearance, and is quite master of the bienselarded with French phrases, which he retained ance. Besides, they will find it their interest for their significance, on the recommendation to have recourse again to his alliance: and of his friends, being himself unacquainted in that case some of us may expect to profit with that or any other outlandish tongue. by his restoration; but few words are best. Fathom, finding this gentleman of a very "He that maintains the second rank in communicative disposition, thought he could our assembly is one Major Macleaver, an not have a fairer opportunity of learning the Irish gentlemen, who has served abroad; a history of his fellow-prisoners: and, turning soldier of fortune, sir, a man of unquestionthe conversation on that subject, was. not able honour and courage, but a little overdisappointed in his expectation. " I don't bearing, in consequence of his knowledge doubt, sir," said he, with the utmost solemni- and experience. He is a person of a good ty of declamation, " but you look with horror address, to be sure, and quite free of the upon every object that surrounds you in this mauvaise honte, and he may have seen a uncomfortable place; but, nevertheless, here good deal of service: but what then? other are some, who, as my friend Shakspeare has people may be as good as he, though they it, have seen better days, and have with holy have not had such opportunities; if he speaks bell been knolled to church: and sat at good five or six languages, he does not pretend to men's feasts, and wiped their eyes of drops any taste in the liberal arts, which are the that sacred pity hath engendered. You criterion of an accomplished gentleman. must know, sir, that exclusive of the canaille, The next is Sir Mungo Barebones, the or the profanum vulgus, as they are styled representative of a very ancient family in the by Horace, there are several small communi- north: his affairs are very much derangee, ties in the gaol, consisting of people who are but he is a gentleman of great probity and attracted by the manners and dispositions of learning, and at present engaged in a very each other; for this place, sir, is quite a grand scheme, which, if he can bring it tc microcosm, and, as the great world, so is bear, will render him famous to all posterity: this, a stage, and all the men and women no less than the conversion of the Jews and merely players. For my own part, sir, I the Gentiles. The project, I own, looks have always made it a maxim to associate chimerical to one who has not conversed with the best company I can find; not that I with the author; but, in my opinion, he has pretend to boast of my family or extraction; clearly demonstrated, from an anagrammatical because, you know, as the poet says, Vix ea analysis of a certain Hebrew word, that his nostra voc. My father,'tis true, was a man present majesty, whom God preserve, is the that piqued himself upon his pedigree, as well person pointed at in scripture as the tempoas upon his politesse and personal merit; for ral Messiah of the Jews; and, if he could he had been a very old officer in the army, once raise by subscription such a trifling slum and I myself may sayI was born with a spon- as twelve hundred thousand pounds, I make toon in my hand. Sir, I have had the honour no doubt but lie would accomplish Iris aim, to serve his majesty these twenty years, and vast and romantic as it seems to be. have been bandied about in the course of Besides these, we have another messmate, duty through all the British plantations, and who is a French chevalier, an odd sort of a you see the recompense of all my service. man, a kind of Lazarillo de Tormes, a carliut this is a disagreeable subject, and there- catura; he wears a long beard, pretends to fore I shall waive it; however, as Butler be a great poet, and makes a damned fracas observes, with his verses. The king has been obliged to exert his authority over him more than'My only comfort is, that now My dubbolt cfortune is, so low, once, by ordering him into close confineThat either it must quickly eld, ment, for which he was so rash as to send Or tMrn about again and mend.' Or turn about again and mend.' his majesty a challenge; but he afterwards made his submission, and was again talken "And now, to return from this digression, into favour: the truth is, I believe his brain you will perhaps be surprised to hear that is a little disordered, and he being a stranger, the head or chairman of our club is really a we overlook his extravagancies. sovereign prince: no less, I'll assure you, "Sir, we shall think ourselves happy in than the celebrated Theodore kingof Corsica, your accession to our society: you will be who lies in priso-n for a debt of a few hundred under no sort of restraint; for though we pounds. Heu! quantum mutatus ab illo. dine at one table, every individual calls and It is not my business to censure the conduct pays for his own mess. Our conversation, of my superiors; but I always speak my such as it is, will not, I hope, be disagreeable; mind in a cavalier manner, and as, according and though we have not opportunities of to the Spectator, talking to a friend is no breathing the pure Arcadian air and cannot, ADVENTURES OF FERDINAND COUNT FATHOM. 455'under the shade of melancholy boughs, lose doors of which their ears were invaded with and neglect the creeping houis of time,' we a strange sound, being that of a human voice may enjoy ourselves over a glass of punch or imitating the noise of a drum. The captain, a dish of tea: nor are we destitute of friends, hearing this alarm, made a full stop, and, who visit us in these shades of distress. The giving the count to understand that his mamajor has a numerous acquaintance of both jesty was busy, begged he would not take it sexes; among others, a first cousin of good amiss, if the introduction should be delayed fortune, who, with her daughters, often cheers for a few moments. Fathom, curious to our solitude; she is a very sensible lady-like know the meaning of what he had heard, gentlewoman, and the young ladies have a applied to his guide for information, and certain degagee air, that plainly shows they learned that the king and the major, whom have seen the best company: besides, I will he had nominated to the post of his generalventure to recommend Mrs Minikin, as a in-chief, were employed in landing troops woman of tolerable breeding and capacity, upon the Genoese territory; that is, that they who, I hope, will not be found altogether de- were settling beforehand the manner of their ficient in the accomplishments of the sex. disembarkation. So that we find means to make little parties, He then, by the direction of his conductor, in which the time glides away insensibly. reconnoitred them through the key. hole, and Then I have a small collection of books which perceived the sovereign and his minister are at your service. You may amuse your- sitting on opposite sides of a deal-board self with Shakspeare, or Milton, or Don. table, covered with a large chart or map, Quixote, or any of our modern authors that upon which he saw a great number of mussel are worth reading, such as the adventures of and oyster-shells ranged in a certain order, Loveill, Lady Frail, George Edwards, Joe and, at a little distance, several regular Thompson, Bamfylde Moore Carew, Young squares and columns made of cards cut in Scarron, and Miss Betsey Thoughtless; and small pieces. The prince himself, whose if you have a taste for drawing, I can enter- eyes were reinforced by spectacles, surveyed tain you with a parcel of prints by the best this armament with great attention, while the masters." general put the whole in action, and conA man of our hero's politeness could not ducted their motions by beat of drum. The help expressing himself in the warmest terms mussel-shells, according to Minikin's exof gratitude for this courteous declaration. planation, represented the transports, the He thanked the captain in particular for his oyster-shells were considered as the men of obliging offers, and begged he would be so war that covered the troops in landing, and good as to present his respects to the society, the pieces of card exhibited the different of which he longed to be a member. It was bodies into which the army was formed upon determined, therefore, that Minikin should its disembarkation. return in an hour, when the count would be As an affair of such consequence could not dressed, in order to conduct him into the pre- be transacted without opposition, they had sence of his majesty; and he had already provided divers ambuscades, consisting of the taken his leave for the present, when all of a enemy, whom they represented by grey peas; sudden he came back, and taking hold of a and accordingly General Mlacleaver, perceivwaistcoat that lay upon a chair,-" Sir," said ing the said grey peas marching along shore he, "give me leave to look at that fringe: to attack his forces before they could be I think it is the most elegant knitting I ever drawn up in battalia, thus addressed himself saw: but pray, sir, are not these quite out of to the oyster-shells in an audible voice. fashion? I thought plain silk, such as this " You men of war, don't you see the front that I wear, had been the mode, with the of the enemy advancing, and the rest of the pockets very low." Before Fathom had time detachment following out of sight? Arrah! to make any sort of reply, he took notice of the devil burn you, why don't you come his hat and pumps; the first of which he said, ashore and open your batteries 5" So saying, was too narrow in the brim, and the lest an lihe pushed the shells towards the beach, perinch too low in the heels: indeed they formed formed the cannonading with his voice, the a remarkable contrast with his own; for, ex- grey peas were soon put in confusion, the clusive of the fashion of the cock, which re- general was beat, the cards marched forwards sembled the form of a Roman galley, the brim in order of battle, and the enemy having reof his hat, if properly spread, would have treated with great precipitation, they took projected a shade sufficient to shelter a whole possession of' their ground without farther file of musketeers from the heat of a summer's difficulty. sun; and the heels of his shoes were so high as to raise his feet three inches at least from the surface of the earth. Having made these observations, for the Hie contemplates majesty and its satellites credit of his taste, he retired, and returning in eclipses. at the time appointed, accompanied Ferdinand to the apartment of the king, at the TuIs expedition being happily finished. Gene. 456 SMOLLETT'S SELECT WORKS. ral Macleaver put the whole army, navy, no other title than that of baron, than he transports, and scene of action, into a can- perceived in him a spirit of quixotism, which vass bag; the prince unsaddled his nose, and all his experience, together with the vicissiCaptain Minikin being admitted, our hero tudes of his fortune, had not been able to was introduced in form. Very gracious was overcome: not that his ideas soared to such the reception he met with from his majesty, a pitch of extravagant hope as that which who, with a most princely demeanour, wel- took possession of his messmates who frecomed him to court, and even seated him on quently quarrelled one with another about his right hand, in token of particular regard. the degrees of favour to which they should True it is, this presence-chamber was not so be entitled after the king's restoration; but superb, nor the appearance of the king so he firmly believed that affairs would speedily magnificent, as to render such an honour take such a turn in Italy as would point out to intoxicating to any person of our hero's cool- the English court the expediency of employness and discretion. In lieu of tapestry, the ing him again; and this persuasion seemed apartment was hung with halfpenny ballads, to support him against every species of pova truckle-bed without curtains supplied the erty and mortification. place of a canopy, and instead of a crown his While they were busy in trimming the majesty wore a woollen night-cap. Yet, in balance of power on the other side of the spite of these disadvantages, there was an Alps, their deliberations were interrupted by air of dignity in his deportment, and a nice the arrival of a scullion, who came to receive phiysiognomist would have perceived some- their orders touching the bill of fare for dinthing majestic in the features of his counte- ner, and his majesty found much more diffinzance. culty in settling this important concern, than He was certainly a personage of a very in compromising all the differences between prepossessing mien; his manners were en- the emperor and the queen of Spain. At gaging, his conversation agreeable, and any length, however, General Macleaver underman whose heart was subiect to the meltings took the office of purveyor for his prince. of humanity would have deplored his distress, Captain Minikin insisted upon treating the and looked upon him as a most pathetic in- count; and in a little time the table was stance of that miserable reverse to which all covered with a cloth, which, for the sake of human grandeur is exposed. His fall was my delicate readers, I will not attempt to even greater than that of Belisarius, who, describe. after having obtained many glorious victo- At this period they were joined by Sir ries over the enem;.s of his country, is said Mungo Barebones, who, having found means to have been reducerd to such extremity of to purchase a couple of mutton chops, had indigence, that, in his old age, when he was cooked a ness of broth, which he now brought deprived of his eye-sight, he sat upon the in a sauce-pan to the general rendezvous. highway like a co mmon mendicant, implor- This was the most remarkable object which igthe charity of passengers in the piteous had hitherto presented itself to the eyes of ilg the charity of passengers in the piteous Fathom. Being naturally of a meagre habit, exclamation of date obolam Belisario; that he was, by indigence and hard study, worn is,-" spare a farthing to your poor old sol- almost to the bone, and so bended towards dier Belisarius." I say, this general's dis- the earth, that in walking his body described grace was not so remarkable as that of' Theo- at least 150 degrees of a circle. The want dore, because he was the servant of Justinian, of stockings and shoes he supplied with a consequently his fortune depended upon the jockey straight boot and a half-jack. His nod of that emperor; whereas the other thighs and middle were cased in a monstrous actually possessed the throne of sovereignty pair of brown trunk breeches, which the by the best of all titles, namely, the unani- keeper bought for his use from the executor mous election of the people over whom he of a Dutch seaman who had lately died in reigned; and attracted the eyes ofallEurope, the gaol; his shirt retained no signs of its by the efforts lie made in breaking the bands original colour; his body was shrouded in an of oppression and vindicating that liberty old greasy tattered plaid night gown; a blle which is the birthright of man. which is the brthriht f manand white handkerchief surrounded his head; The English offormerdays, alike renowned and his looks betokened that immense load for generosity and valour, treated those hos- of care which he had voluntarily incurred for tile princes, whose fate it was to wear their the eternal salvation of sinners. Yet this chains, with such delicacy of benevolence, figure, uncouth as it was, made his complias even dispelled the horrors of captivity; but ments to our adventurer in terms of the their posterity of this refined age feel no most elegant address, and, in the course of compunction at seeing an unfortunate mon- conversation, disclosed a great fund of valuaarch, their former friend, ally, and partizan, ble knowledge. He had appeared in the languish amidst the miseries of a loathsome great world, and borne divers ofces of dignity gaol, for a paltry debt contracted in their own and trust with universal applause. His couservice. But, moralizing apart, our hero had rage was undoubted, his morals were unimnot long conversed with this extraordinary peached, and his person held in great veneradebtor, who in his present condition assumed ADVENTURES OF FERDINAND COUNT FA PHOM. 457 tion and esteem, when his evil genius engaged waistcoat of scarlet; his coat of rusty black him in the study of' Hebrew, and the mys- cloth; his hair, twisted into a ramilie, hung teries of the Jewish religion, which fairly down to his ruinp, of the colour of jet; and disordered his brain, and rendered him inca- his hat was adorned with a white feather. pable of managing his temporal affairs. This original had formed many ingenious When he ought to have been employed in schemes to increase the glory and grandeur the functions of his post, he was always of France, but was discouraged by Cardinal wrapt in visionary conferences with Moses Fleury, who, in all appearance jealous of his on the Mount: rather than regulate the great talents, not only rejected his projects, economy of his household, he chose to exert but even sent him to prison, on pretence of his endeavours in settling the precise mean- being offended at his impertinence. Perino of the word elohim; and having discov- ceiving that, like the prophet, he had no ered that now the period was come when the honour in his own country, he no sooner Jews and Gentiles would be converted, he obtained his release, than he retired to Engpostponed every other consideration, in order land, where he was prompted by his philanto facilitate that great and glorious event. thropy to propose an expedient to our minisBy this time Ferdinand had seen every merm- try, which would have saved a vast efffusion ber of the club, except the French chevalier, of blood and treasure: this was an agreement who seemed to be quite neglected by the between the queen of Hungary and the late society; for his name was not once mentioned emperor, to decide their pretensions by a during this communication, and they sat single combat; in which case he offered himdown to dinner, without asking whether he self as the Bavarian champion; but in this was dead or alive. The king regaled himself endeavour he also proved unsuccessful. Then with a plate of ox cheek; the major, who turning his attention to the delights of poetry, complained that his appetite had forsaken he became so enamoured of the muse, that him, amused himself with some forty hard he neglected every other consideration; and eggs, malaxed with salt butter;' the knight she, as usual, gradually conducted him to indulged upon his soup and bouille; and the the author's never-failing goal, a place of captain entertained our adventurer with a rest appointed for all those sinners whom the neck of veal roasted with potatoes; but before profane love of poesy bath led astray. Fathom could make use of his knife and fork, he was summoned to the door, where he found the chevalier in great agitation, his CHAPTER XLI. eyes sparkling like coals of fire. Our hero was not a little surprised at this One quarrel is compromised, and another apparition, who, having asked pardon for the decided, by unusual arms. freedom he had used, observed, that, understanding the count was a foreigner, he could AMONG other topics of conversation that not dispense with appealing to him concern- were discussed at this genial meeting, Sir ing an outrage he had suffered from the Mungo's scheme was brought upon the carpet keeper, who, without any regard to his rank by his majesty, who was graciously pleased or misfortunes, had been base enough to to ask how his subscription filled. To this refuse him credit for a few necessaries, until interrogation the knight answered, that he he could have a remittance from his steward met with great opposition, from a spirit of in France; he therefore conjured Count levity and self-conceit which seemed to preFathom, as a stranger and nobleman, like vail in this generation; but that no difficulties himself, to be the messenger of defiance, should discourage him from persevering in which he resolved to send to that brutal his duty; and he trusted in God, that, in a gaoler, that for the future he might learn to very little time, he should be able to confute make proper distinctions in the exercise of and overthrow the false philosophy of the his function. moderns, and to restore the writings of MAbses Fathom, who had no inclination to offend to that pre-eminence and veneration whicthis choleric Frenchman, assured him, that is due to an inspired author. He spoke of he might depend upon his friendship; and, the immortal Newton with infinite contemp)t, in the mean time, prevailed upon him to and undertook to extract from the Pentateuch accept of a small supply; in consequence of a system of chronology, which would ascerwhich he procured a pound of sausages, and tain the plogress of time since the fourth day joined the rest of the company without delay, of the creation to the present hour, with such making a very suitable addition to such an exactness' that not one vibration of a penduassemblage of rarities. Though his age did lum should be lost! nay, he affirmed that the not exceed thirty years, his beard, which was perfection of all arts and sciences might be of a brindled hue, flowed down, like Aaron's, attained by studying these sacred memoirs; to his middle; upon his legs he wore red and that he himself did not despair of learnstockings rolled up over the joint of the knee; ing from them the art of transmuting baser his breeches were of blue drab, with vellum metals into gold. button-holes, and garters of gold lace; his The chevalier, though he did not pretend 3 H 458 SMOLLETT'S SELECT WORKS. to contradict these assertions, was too much But, Nwithout any further preamble, pray, Sir, attached to his own religion to acquiesce in give me leave to ask how long you have been the knight's project of converting the Jews acquainted with those ladies who drank tea and the Gentiles to the protestant heresy, with us this afternoon? You'll forgive the which, he said, God Almighty would never question, Sir, when I tell you that Major suffer to triumph over the interests of his Macleaver introduced Mrs Minikin to them own holy catholic church. This objection as two ladies of character, and, I don't know produced abundance of altercation between how, Sir, I have a sort of presentiment that two very unequal disputants; and the French- my wife has been imposed upon. Perhaps I man, finding himself puzzled by the learning may be mistaken, and God grant I may: but of his antagonist, had recourse to the argu- there was a je ne scai quoy in their behamentum ad hominem, by laying his hand viour to-day, which begins to alarm my susupon his sword, and declaring that he was picion. Sir, I have nothing but my reputaready to lose the last drop of his blood in tion to depend upon; and I hope you will opposition to such a damnable scheme. excuse me, when I earnestly beg to know Sir Mungo, though in all appearance re- what rank they maintain in life." duced to the last stage of' animal existence, Fathoml, without minding the consequence no sooner heard this epithet applied to his told him, with a simper, that he knew them plan, than his eyes gleamed like lightning; to be very good-natured ladies, who devoted he sprung from his seat with the agility of a themselves to the happiness of mankind. grashopper, and, darting himself out at the This explanation had no sooner escaped from door, like an arrow from a bow, re-appeared his lips, than the captain's face began to glow in a moment with along rusty weapon, which with indignation, his eyes seemed bursting might have been shown among a collection from their spheres, he swelled to twice his of rarities as the sword of Guy Earl of WTar- natural dimensions, and, raising himself on wick. This implement he brandished over his tiptoes, pronounced, in a strain that eniuthe chevalier's head with the dexterity of an lated thunder, —" Blood! Sir, you seem to old prize-fighter, exclaiming, in the French make very lighut of the matter; but it is no language, —" Thou art a profane wretch joke to me, I'll assure you; and MTacleaver marked out for the vengeance of Heaven, shall see that I am not to be affronted with whose unworthy minister I am;'and here impunity. Sir, I shall take it as a singular thou shalt fall by the sword of the Lord and favour if you will be the bearer of a billet to of Gideon." him, which I shall write in three words: nay, The chevalier, unterrified by this dreadful Sir, you must give ine leave to insist upon it, salutation, desired he would accompany him as you are the only gentleman of our mess to a more convenient place; and the world whoni I can entrust with an affair of this might have been deprived of one or both nature." these knights-errant, had not General Ma- Fathom, rather than run the risk of discleaver, at the desire of his majesty, inter- obliging such a punctilious warrior, after posed, and found means to bring matters to having in vain attempted to dissuade him an accommodation. from his purpose, undertook to carry the In the afternoon the society was visited by challenge, which was immediately penned the major's cousin and her daughters, who in these wordsno sooner appeared than they were recog- " Sm,-You have violated my honour, in nised by our adventurer; and his acquaint- imposing upon MIrs Minikin your pretended ance with them renewed in such a manner cousins as ladies of virtue and reputation; I as alarmed the delicacy of Captain Minikin, therefore demand such satisfaction as a solwho in the evening repaired to the count's dier ought to receive, and expect you will apartment, and, with a very formal physiog- adjust with my friend Count Fathom the nomy, accosted him in these words —" Sir, terms upon which you shall be met by the I beg pardon for this intrusion; but I come much injured " GOLIAHI MiaININ." to consult you about an affair in which my This morceau being sealed and directed, honour is concerned; and a soldier without was forthwith carried by our adventurer to honour, you know, is no better than a body the lodgings of the major, who had by this without a soul. I have always admired that time retired to rest, but hearing the count's speech of Hotspur in the first part of Henry voice, he got up and opened the door in cuerpo, the Fourth:- to the astonishment of Ferdinand, who had'leys Heaven, methinks it were an easy leap never before seen such an Herculean figure. o Heavenluck bright Honour fro the pale fa'd He made an apology for receiving the count moon, in his birth-day suit, to which he said he was Or dive into the bottom of the deep, reducedby the heat of his constitution, though Where fathom-line could nevertoutchthe ground, he might have assigned a more adequate And pluck up drowned Honour by the locks'- cause, by owning that his shirt was in the hands of his washer-woman; then shrouding "There is a boldness and ease in the ex- himself in a blanket, desired to know what pression, and the images are very picturesque. had procured him the honour of such an ex ADVENTURES OF FERDINAND COUNT FATHOM. 459 traordinary visit. He read the letter with from the discharge of a pistol, or the thrust great composure, like a man accustomed to of a small sword. He therefore suggested such intercourse; then addressing himself to another expedient in lieu of the sulphur, the bearer,-" I will be after diverting the namely, the gum called assafeetida, which, gentleman," said he, "in any manner he though abundantly nauseous, could have no shall think proper; but, by J-s, this is no effect upon the infirm texture of the lieutenplace for such amusements; because, as you ant's lungs. This hint being relished by well know, rny dear count, if both should be the major, our adventurer returned to his killed by the chance of war, neither of us principal, and having repeated the other's will be able to escape; and after the breath arguments against the use of mortal instruis out of his body, he will make but a sorry ments, described the succedaneum which he excuse to his family and friends. But that had concerted with Macleaver. The captain is no concern of mine, and therefore I am at first believed the scheme was calculated ready to please him in his own way." for subjecting him to the ridicule of his felFathom approved of his remarks, which low-prisoners, and began to storm with great he reinforced with sundry considerations to violence; but, by the assurances and address the same purpose, and begged the assistance of Fathom, he was at length reconciled to the of the major's advice, in finding some expe- plan, and preparations were made on each dient to terminate the affair without blood- side for this duel, which was actually smoked shed, that no troublesome consequences next day, about noon, in a small closet, demight ensue either to him or to his antago- tached from the challenger's apartment, and nist, who, in spite of this overstraining for- within hearing of his majesty and all his mality, seemed to be a person of worth and court, assembled as witnesses and umpires good nature. " With all my heart," said of the contest. the generous Hibernian, " I have a great The combatants, being locked up together, regard for the little man, and my own cha- began to ply their engines with great fury, racter is not to seek at this time of day. I and it was not long before Captain Minikin have served a long apprenticeship to fighting, perceived he had a manifest advantage over as this same carcass can testify; and if he his antagonist; for his organs were familiarcompels me to run him through the body, by ized to the effluvia of this drug, which he my shoul I shall do it in a friendly manner." had frequently used in the course of an hypoSo saying, he threw aside the blanket, and chondriac disorder; whereas Macleaver, who displayed scars and seams innumerable upon was a stranger to all sorts of medicine, by his body, which appeared like an old patched his wry faces and attempts to puke, expressed leathern doublet. " I remember," proceeded the utmost abhorrence of the smell that inthis champion, " when I was a slave at Al- vaded his nostrils. Nevertheless, resolved giers, Murphy Macmorris and I happened to to hold out to the last extremity, he conhlave some difference in the bagnio; upon tinued in action until the closet was filled which he bade me turn out.'Arrah, for what?' with such an intolerable vapour as discomsaid I,' here are no weapons that a gentleman posed the whole economy of his entrails, and can use, and you would not be such a negro compelled him to disgorge his breakfast in as to box like an English carman.' After he the face of his opponent, whose nerves were had puzzled himself for some time, he pro- so disconcerted by this disagreeable and unposed that we should retire into a corner, foreseen discharge, that he fell back into his and funk one another with brimstone, till one chair in a swoon, and the major bellowed of us should give out. Accordingly we aloud for assistance. The door being opened, crammed half a dozen of tobacco pipes with he ran directly to the window, to inhale the sulphur, and, setting foot to foot, began to fresh air, while the captain, recovering friom smoke, and kept a constant fire, until Mac- his fit, complained of Macleaver's unfair promorris dropped down; then I threw away ceeding, and demanded justice of the arbitramy pipe, and taking poor Murphy in my tors, who decided in his favour; and the arms,-' What, are you dead l' said I,'if major being prevailed upon to ask pardon for you are dead, speak.'' No, by J-s!' cried having introduced Mrs Minikin to women of he,'I an't dead, but I'm speechless.' So rotten reputation, the parties were reconciled lie owned I had obtained the victory, and we to each other, and peace and concord rewere as good friends as ever. Now, if Mr established in the mess. Minikin thinks proper to put the affair upon Fathom acquired universal applause for the same issue, I will smoke a pipe of brim- his discreet and humane conduct upon this stone with him to-morrow morning, and if I occasion; and that same afternoon had an cry out first, I will be after asking pardon for opportunity of seeing the lady in whose cause this supposed affront." he had exerted himself. He was presented Fathom could not help laughing at the to her as the husband's particular friend, and proposal, to which, however, he objected, on when she understood how much she was account of Minikin's delicate constitution, indebted to his care and concern for the capwhich might suffer more detriment from tain's safety, she treated him with uncommon breathing in an atmosphere of sulphur than marks of distinction; and he found her a 39 460 S3IOLLETT'S SELECT WORKS. genteel well-bred woman, not without a good spot where he was now found: and he soshare of personal charms, and a well culti- lemnly declared, that, far from forgetting the vated understanding. obligation he owed to Count Melvil, or renouncing the friendship of Renaldo, he had actually resolved to set out for Germany on CHAPTER XLII. his return to the house of his patron, in the beginning of the week posterior to that in An unexpected rencounter, and a happy which he had been arrested. revolution in the affairs of our adven- Young Melvil, whose own heart had never turer. known the instigations of fraud, implicitly believed the story and protestations of FaAs she did not lodge within the precincts of thom; and though he would not justify that this garrison, she was one day, after tea, part of his conduct by which the term of his conducted to the gate by the captain and the good fortune was abridged, he could not help count, and just as they approached the turn- excusing an indiscretion into which he had key's lodge, our hero's eyes were struck with been hurried by the precipitancy of youth, the apparition of his old companion Renaldo, and the allurements of an artful woman: nay, son of his benefactor and patron the Count with the utmost warmth of friendship, he de Melvil. What were the emotions of his undertook to wait upon Trapwell, and endeasoul, when he saw that young gentleman vour to soften him into some reasonable terms enter the prison, and advance towards him, of composition. after having spoken to the gaoler! He never Fathom seemed to be quite overwhelmed doubted that, being informed of his confine- with a deep sense of all this goodness, and ment, he was come to upbraid him with his affected the most eager impatience to know villainy and ingratitude, and he in vain en- the particulars of Renaldo's fate since their deavoured to recollect himself from that ter- unhappy separation, more especially his ror and guilty confusion which his appearance errand to this uncomfortable place, which had inspired; when the stranger, lifting up he should henceforth revere as the providenhis eyes, started back with signs of extreme tial scene of their re-union: nor did he foramazement, and, after a considerable pause, get to inquire, in the most affectionate and exclaimed,-" Heaven and earth! Sure my dutiful manner, about the situation of his eyes do not deceive me! is not your name noble parents and amiable sister. Fathom? It is, it must be my old friend and At mention of these names, Renaldo, companion, the loss of whom I have so long fetching a deep sigh, —" Alas! my friend," regretted!" With these words he ran to- said he, " the count is no more; and, what wards our adventurer, and, while he clasped aggravates my affliction for the loss of such him in his arms, with all the eagerness of a father, it was my misfortune to be under affection, protested that this was one of the his displeasure at the time of his death. Had happiest days he had ever seen. I been present on that melancholy occasion, Ferdinand, who, from this salutation, con- so well I knew his generosity and paternal eluded himself still in possession of Renaldo's tenderness, that, sure I am, he would in his good opinion, was not deficient in expressions last moments have forgiven an only son, of tenderness and joy: he returned his ern- whose life had been a continual effort to renbraces with equal ardour, the tears trickled der himself worthy of such a parent, and down his cheeks, and that perturbation, which whose crime was no other than an honouraproceeded from conscious perfidy and fear, ble passion for the most meritorious of her was mistaken by the unsuspecting Hungarian sex. But I was removed at a fatal distance for the sheer effects of love, gratitude, and from him, and doubtless my conduct must surprise. These first transports having sub- have been invidiously misrepresented. Be sided, they adjourned to the lodgings of that as it will, my mother has again given Fathom, who soon recollected his spirits and her hand in wedlock to Count Trebasi; by invention so well as to amuse the other with whom I have the mortification to be informed a feigned tale of his having been taken by that I am totally excluded from my father's the French, sent prisoner into Champaigne, succession; and I learn from other quarters, from whence he had written many letters to that my sister is barbarously treated by this Count Melvil and his son, of whom he could inhuman father-in-law. Grant, Heaven, I hear no tidings; of his having contracted an may soon have an opportunity of expostulatintimacy with a young nobleman of France, ing with the tyrant upon that subject." who died in the flower of his age, after hav- So saying, his cheeks glowed, and his eyes ing, in token of his friendship, bequeathed to lightened with resentment. Then he thus him a considerable legacy; by this he had proceeded:been enabled to visit the land of his fore- " My coming hither to-day was with a view fathers in the character of a gentleman, to visit a poor female relation, from whom I which he had supported with some figure, yesterday received a letter, describing her until he was betrayed into a misfortune that most deplorable situation, and soliciting my exhausted his funds, and drove him to the assistance: but the turnkey affirms, that ther-e ADVENTURES OF FERDINAND COUNT FATHOM. 461.s no such person in the jail; and I was on agreed to discharge the defendant, in con. my way to consult the keeper, when I was sideration of two hundred pounds, which agreeably surprised with the sight of my dear were immediately paid by Count Melvil, who Fathom." by this deduction was reduced to somewhat Our adventurer having wiped from his eyes less than thirty. the tears which were produced by the news Nevertheless, he cheerfully beggared himof his worthy patron's death, desired to know self in behalf of his friend, for whose release the name of that afflicted prisoner, in whose he forthwith obtained an order: and next day behalf he interested himself so much; and our adventurer, having bid a formal adieu to Renaldo produced the letter, subscribed, his fellows in distress, and in particular to " Your unfortunate cousin, Helen Melvil." his majesty, for whose restoration his prayers This pretended relation, after having explain- were preferred, he quitted the jail, and aced the degree of consanguinity which she and companied his deliverer, with all the outward the count stood in to each other, and occa- marks of unutterable gratitude and esteem. sionally mentioned some anecdotes of the Surely, if his heart had been made of family in Scotland, gave him to understand, penetrable stuff, it would have been touched that she had married a merchant of London, by the circumstances of this redemption: who, by repeated losses in trade, had been but had not his soul been invincible to all reduced to indigence, and afterwards confined such attacks, these memoirs would possibly in prison, where he then lay a breathless never have seen the light. corse, having left her in the utmost ex- When they arrived at Renaldo's lodgings, trernity of wretchedness and want, with two that young gentleman honoured him with young children in the small-pox, and an in- other proofs of confidence and friendship, by curable cancer in one of her own breasts. giving him a circumstantial detail of all the Indeed the picture she drew was so moving, adventures in which he had been engaged and her expressions so sensibly pathetic, that after Fathom's desertion from the imperial no person whose heart was not altogether camp. He told him, that immediately after callous, could peruse it without emotion. the war was finished, his father had pressed Renaldo had sent two guineas by the mes- him to a very advantageous match, with senger whom she had represented as a trusty which he would have complied, though his servant, whose fidelity had been proof against heart was not at all concerned, had not he all the distress of her mistress; and he was been inflamed with the desire of seeing the now arrived, in order to reinforce his bounty. world before he could take any step towards Fathom, in the consciousness of his own a settlement for life; that he had signified his practices, immediately comprehended the intentions on this head to the count, who scheme of this letter, and confidently as- opposed them with unusual obstinacy, as sured him, that no such person resided in the productive of a delay which might be fatal to prison, or in any other place: and when his his proposal; for which reason he had retired friend applied for information to the keeper, incognito from his family, and travelled these assurances were confirmed; and that through sundry states and countries, in a stern janitor told him he had been imposed disguise by which he eluded the inquiries of upon by a stale trick, which was often prac- his parents. tised upon strangers by a set of sharpers, who That in the course of these peregrinations make it their business to pick up hints of in- he was captivated by the irresistible charms telligence relating to private families, upon of a young lady, on whose heart he had the which they build such superstructures of good fortune to make a tender impression: fraud and imposition. that their mutual love had subjected both to However piqued the young Hungarian many dangers and difficulties, during which might be to find himself duped in this man- they suffered a cruel separation-; after the ner, he rejoiced at the occasion which had torments of which, he had happily found her thrown Fathom in his way; and, after having in England, where she now lived entirely cut made him a tender of his purse, took his off from her native country and connexions, leave, on purpose to wait upon Trapwell, and destitute of every other resource but his who was not quite so untractable as an en- honour, love, and protection; and, finally, raged cuckold commonly is; for by this time that he was determined to combat his ownr he had accomplished the best part of his aim, desires, how violent soever they might be, which was to be divorced from his wife, and until he should have made some suitable prowas fully convinced that the defendant was vision for the consequences of a stricter no more than a needy adventurer, who, in all union with the mistress of his soul, that he probability, would be released by an act of might not, by a precipitate marriage, ruin Darliament for the benefit of insolvent debt. the person whom he adored. ors; in which case he (the plaintiff) would This end he proposed to attain by an apreap no solid advantage from his imprison- plication to the court of Vienna, which he ment. did not doubt would have some regard to his He therefore listened to the remonstrances own service and that of his father; antd 9f the mediator, and, after much canvassing, thither he resolved to repair with the first 462 SMOLLETT'S SELECT WORKS. opportunity, now that he had found a friend cause she was a foreigner, who had not as with whom he could entrust the inestimable yet made great proficiency in the knowledge jewel of his heart. of the English tongue. Her understanding He likewise gave our hero to understand, was such, as, instead of diminishing, rein-.nat he had been eight months in England, forced the prepossession which was inspired during which he had lived in a frugal manner, by her appearance; and if the sum total of that he might not unnecessarily exhaust the her charms could not melt the heart, it at money he had been able to raise upon his least excited the appetite of Fathom to such own credit; that hitherto he had been obliged a degree, that he gazed upon her with such to defer his departure for Germany, on ac- violence of desire, as had never transported count of his attendance upon the mother of him before; and instantly began to harbour his mistress, who was lately dead of sorrow thoughts not only destructive to the peace of and chagrin; and that since he resided in his generous patron, but also to the pruLondon, he had often heard of the celebrated dential maxims he had adopted on his first Count Fathom, though he never imagined entrance into life. that his friend Ferdinand could be distin- We have already recorded dlvers instances guished by that appellation. of his conduct, to prove that there was an intemperance in his blood, which often interfered with his caution; and although he had CHAPTER XLIII. found means to render this heat sometimes subservient to his interest, yet, in all probaFathom justifies the Proverb, "What's bred bility, Heaven mingled the ingredient in his in the bone will never come out of the constitution, on purpose to counteract his.flesh." consummate craft, defeat the villainy of his intention, and at last expose him to the justice Somr circumstances of this conversation of the law, and the contempt of his fellow made a deep impression upon the mind of creatures. our adventurer, who nevertheless concealed Stimulated as he was by the beauty of the his emotions from the knowledge of his incomparable Monimia, he foresaw that the friend, and was next day introduced to that conquest of her heart would cost himn a hidden treasure of'which Renaldo had spoken thousand times more labour and address than with such rapture and adoration. It was not all the victories he had ever achieved; for, without reason he had expatiated upon the besides her superior understanding, her sentipersonal attractions of this young lady, whom ments of honour, virtue, gratitude, religion, for the present we shall call Monimia, a name and pride of birth, her heart was already enthat implies her orphan situation. When gaged, by the tenderest ties of love and obshe entered the room, even Fathom, whose ligation, to a man whose person and acquired eyes had been sated with beauty, was struck accomplishments at least equalled his own; dumb with admiration, and could scarce re- and whose connexion with him was of such collect himself so far as to perform the cere- a nature, as raised an almost insurmountable mony of his introduction. bar to his design: because, with what face She seemed to be about the age of eighteen. could he commence rival to the person whose Her stature was tall; her motion graceful; family had raised him from want and sera knot of artificial flowers restrained the vility, and whose own generosity had rescued luxuriancy of her fine black hair, that flowed him from the miseries of a dreary jail? in shining ringlets down her snowy neck. Notwithstanding these reflections, hewould The contour of her face was oval; her fore- not lay aside an idea which so agreeably flathead remarkably high; her complexion clean tered his imagination. He, like every other and delicate, though not florid; and her eves projector in the same circumstances, was so were so piercing as to strike the soul of every partial to his own qualifications, as to thinlk beholder: yet upon this occasion, one half the lady would soon perceive a difference of their vivacity was eclipsed by a languish- between him and Renaldo that could not fail ing air of melancholy concern; which, while to turn to his advantage in her opinion. IHe it in a manner sheathed the edge of her depended a good deal on the levity and inheatuty, added a most engaging sweetness to constancy of the sex; and did not doubt, her icoks. In short, every feature was ele- that, in the course of their acquaintance, he gantly perfect; and the harmony of the should profit by that languor which often whole ravishing and delightful. creeps upon and flattens the intercourse of It was easy to perceive the mutual senti- lovers cloyed with the vight and conversation ments of the two lovers at meeting, by the of each other. pleasure that sensibly diffused itself in the This way of arguing was very natural to countenances of both. Fathom was received a man who had never known other motives by her as the intimate friend of her admirer, than those of sensuality and convenience; whom she had often heard of in terms of the and perhaps, upon these maxims, he might most sincere affection; and the conversation have succeeded with nine-tenths of the fair was carried on in the Italian language, be- sex: but, for once, he erred in his calculi ADVENTURES OF FERDINAND COUNT FATtHOM. 463 on; Monimia's soul was perfect, her virtue heart with unspeakable anguish and vexation. inmpregnable. His first approaches were, as This, therefore, he endeavoured to anticipate, usual, performed by the method of insinua- by expressions of confidence in the emperor's tion, which succeeded so well, that, in a few equity, and frequent declarations touching days, he actually acquired a very distinguish- the goodness and security of that credit from ed share of her favour and esteem. To this which he derived his present subsistence he had been recommended in the warmest strain of exaggerating friendship by her dear Renaldo: so that, placing the most unre- CHIAPTER XLIV. served confidence in his honour and integrity, and being almost quite destitute of acquaint- Anecdotes of poverty, and experiments for ance, she made no scruple of owning herself the benefit of those whom it may concern. pleased with his company and conversation; and therefore he was never abridged in point His affairs being thus circumstanced, it is not of opportunity. She had too much discern- to be supposed that he passed his time ir ment to overlook his uncommon talents and tranquillity. Every day ushered in new deagreeable address, and too much suscepti- mands and fresh anxiety: for though his oility to observe them with indifference. She economy was frugal, it could not be supported not only regarded him as the confident of without money; and now not only his funds her lover, but admired him as a person whose were drained, but also his private friends attachment did honour to Count Melvil's tired of relieving his domestic necessities; choice: she found his discourse remarkably nay, they began to relinquish his company, entertaining, his politeness dignified with an which formerly they had coveted, and those air of uncommon sincerity, and she was who still favoured him with their company, ravished with his skill in music, an art of embittered that favour with disagreeable adwhich she was deeply enamoured. vice, mingled with impertinent reproof. They VWhile he thus ingratiated himself with the loudly exclaimed against the last instance fair Monimia, Renaldo rejoiced at their in- of his friendship for Fathom, as a piece of timacy, being extremely happy in the thought wrong-headed extravagance, which neither of having found a friend who could amuse his fortune could afford, nor his conscience end protect the dear creature in his absence. excuse: and alleged, that such specimens of'hat she might be the better prepared for generosity are vicious in any man, let his the temporary separation which he medi- finances be never so opulent, if he has any tated, he began to be less frequent in his relations of his own who need his assistance; visits, or rather to interrupt, by gradual in- but altogether scandalous, not to say unjust, termissions, the constant attendance he had in a person who depends for his own support bestowed upon her since her mother's death. on the favour of his friends. This alteration she was enabled to bear by These expostulations did not even respect the assiduities of Fathom, when she under- the beauteous, the accomplished, the gentlestood that her lover was indispensably em- hearted, the orphan Monimia. Although they ployed in negotiating a sum of money for owned her perfections, and did not deny that the purposes of his intended voyage. This it would be highly meritorious in any man was really the case: for, as the reader hath of fortune to make her happy, they disapbeen already informed, the provision he had proved of Renaldo's attachment to the fair made for that emergency was expended in beggar, made light of that intimate union of behalf of our adventurer; and the persons of hearts which subsisted between the two lovers, whom he had borrowed it, far from approving and which no human consideration could disof the use to which it was put, and accom- solve; and some among them, in the conmodating him with a fresh supply, reproached summation of their prudence, ventured to him with his benevolence as an act of dis- hint a proposal of providing for her in the honesty to them; and, instead' of favouring service of some lady of fashion. this second application, threatened to distress Any reader of sensibility will easily conhinm fbr what he had already received. WVhile ceive how these admonitions were relished he endeavoured to surmount these difficulties, by a young gentleman whose pride was inhis small reversiod was quite exhausted, and domitable, whose notions of honour were he savw himself on the brink of wanting the scrupulously rigid and romantic, whose terncommon necessaries of life. per was warm, and whose love was intense. There was no difficulty which he could not Every such suggestion was as a dagger to his ihave encountered with fortitude, had he alone soul; and what rendered the torture more been concerned: but his affection and regard exquisite, he lay under obligations to those for iMonimia were of such a' delicate nature, very persons whose selfish and sordid sentithat, far from being able to bear the prospect ments he disdained; so that he was restricted of her wanting the least convenience, he by gratitude from giving vent to his indignacould not endure that she should suspect her tion, and his forlorn circumstances would not situation cost him a moment's perplexity; permit him to renounce their acquaintance. because he foresaw it would wring her gentle While he struggled with these mortifications 39 464 SMOLLETT'S SELECT WORKS. his wants grew more and more importunate, gentleman, that he struggled with unparalleled and his creditors became clamorous. difficulty and vexation, before he could preFathom, to whom all his grievances were vail upon himself to put his liberality to andisclosed, lamented his hard hap with all the other proof: demonstrations of sympathy which he could What maxims of delicacy will not the dire expect to find in such a zealous adherent! he calls of necessity infringe! Reduced to the upbraided himself incessantly as the cause of alternative of applying once more to that his patron's distress; took God to witness, beneficence which had never failed him, or that he would rather have perished in jail, of seeing Monimia starve, he chose the first, than have enjoyed his liberty, had he known as of two evils the least, and entrusted Fathom it would have cost his dearest friend and with a letter explaining the bitterness of his benefactor one tenth part of the anguish he case. It was not without trepidation that now saw him suffer; and, in conclusion, the he received in the evening from his messenfervency of his affection glowed to such a ger an answer to this billet: but what were degree, that he offered to beg, steal, or plun- his pangs when he learned the contents der on the highway, for Renaldo's assistance. The gentleman, after having professed himCertain it is, he might have recollected a self lVMelvil's sincere wellwisher, gave him to less disagreeable expedient than any of these, understand, that he was resolved for the futo alleviate the pangs of this unhappy lover; ture to detach himself from every corresponfor, at that very period, he was possessed of dence which would be inconvenient for him money and movables to the amount of a much to maintain; that he considered his intimacy greater sum than that which was necessary with the count in that light; yet, nevertheless, Lo remove the severest pangs of the count's if his distress was really as great as he had misfortune. But whether he did not reflect described it, he would still contribute someupon this resource, or was willing to let thing towards his relief; and accordingly had Melvil be better acquainted with adversity, sent by the bearer five guineas for that purwhich is the great school of life, I shall leave pose; but desired him to take notice, that, in the reader to determine; yet so far was he so doing, he laid himself under some diffifrom supplying the wants of the young Hun- culty. garian, that he did not scruple to receive a Renaldo's grief and mortification at this share of the miserable pittance which that disappointment were unspeakable: he now gentleman made shift to extort from the com- saw demolished the last screen betwixt him plaisance of a few companions, whose coun- and the extremity of indigence and woe; he tenance he still enjoyed. beheld the mistress of his soul abandoned to Renaldo's life was now become a sacrifice the bleakest scenes of poverty and want; to the most poignant distress. Almost his and he deeply resented the lofty strain of whole time was engrossed by a double scheme, the letter, by which he conceived himself comprehending his efforts to render his de- treated as a worthless spendthrift and imparture practicable, and his expedients for portunate beggar. Though his purse was raising the means of daily bread. With exhausted to the last shilling, though he was regard to the first, he exerted himself among surrounded with necessities and demands, a set of merchants, some of whom knew his and knew not how to provide another meal family and expectations; and for the last, he for his fair dependent, he, in opposition to all was fain to depend upon the assistance of a the suggestions and eloquence of Fathom, few intimates, who were not in a condition dispatched him with the money and another to furnish him with sums of consequence. billet,intimating,in the mostrespectfulterms, These, however, gradually dropped off, on that he approved of his friend's new adopted pretence of friendly resentment for his indis- maxim, which for the future he should always creet conduct; so that he found himself take care to remember; and that he had sent naked, and deserted by all his former com- back the last instance of his bounty, as a panions except one gentleman, with whom proof how little he was disposed to incomlie had lived in the most unreserved corres- mode his benefactor. pondence, as with a person of the warmest This letter, though sincerely meant, and friendship, and the most unbounded benevo- written in a very serious mood, the gentleltnce; nay, he had actually experienced re- man considered as an ungrateful piece of peated proofs of his generosity; and such irony, and in that opinion complained to were the count's sentiments of the gratitude, several persons of the count's acquaintance, love, and esteem, which were due to the who unanimously exclaimed against him as author of these obligations, that he would a sordid, unthankful, and profligate knave, have willingly laid down his own life for his that abused and reviled those very people interest or advantage. He had already been who had generously befriended him, whenat different times accommodated by this bene- ever they found it inconvenient to nourish factor with occasional supplies, amounting his extravagance with further supplies. in the whole to about forty or fifty pounds; Notwithstanding these accumulated opand so fearful was he of talking any step by pressions, he still persevered with fortitude which he might forfeit the good will of this in his endeavours to disentangle himself from ADVENTURES OF FERDINAND COUNT FATHOM. 465 this maze of misery. To these he was en- to him whose countenance was the least couraged by a letter which about this time unpromising; and, as he introduced the busihe received fror:i his sister, importing, that ness with a proposal of borrowing money, he she had good reason to believe the real will perceived his eyes sparkle with a visible of her father had been suppressed for certain alacrity, from which he drew a happy presage. sinister views; and desiring him to hasten But, alas! this was no more than a transient his departure for Hungary, where he would gleam of sunshine, which was suddenly still find some friends who were both able obumbrated by the sequel of his explanation, and willing to support his cause. He had insomuch that, when the merchant understood some trinkets left; the pawnbroker's shop the nature of the security, his visage was inwas still open; and hitherto he made shift to volved in a most disagreeable gloom, and conceal from Monimia the extent of his afflic- his eyes distorted into a most hideous oblition. quity of vision: indeed he squinted so horriThe money broker whom he employed, bly, that Renaldo was amazed and almost after having amused him with a variety of aifrighted at his looks, until he perceived schemes, which served no other purpose than that his distortion proceeded from concern that of protracting his own job, at length for a silver tobacco box which he had laid undertook to make him acquainted with a set down by him on the table, after having filled of moneyed men who had been very adven- his pipe. As the youth proceeded to unfold turous in lending sums upon personal secu- his necessities, the other became gradually rity; he was therefore introduced to their alarmed for this utensil, to which he darted club in the most favourable manner, after his eyes askance in this preternatural directhe broker had endeavoured to prepossess tion, until he had slily secured it in his pocket. them separately with magnificent ideas of Having made this successful conveyance, his farmily and fortune. By means of this he shifted his eyes alternately from the young anticipation he was received with a manifest gentleman to the broker for a considerable relaxation of that severity which people of pause, during which he in silence reproached this class mingle in their aspects to the world the last for introducing such a beggarly varlet in general; and they even vied with each to his acquaintance; then taking the pipe other in their demonstrations of hospitality from his mouth,-" Sir," said he, addressing and respect; for every one in particular himself to the count, "ifI had allthe inclinalooked upon him as a young heir, who would tion in the world to comply with your probleed freely, and mortgage at cent per cent. posal, it is really not in my power: my Renaldo, buoyed up with these exterior correspondents abroad have remitted such a civilities, began to flatter himself with hopes number of bad bills of late, that all my runofsuccess, which, however,were soon checked ning cash has been exhausted in supporting by the nature of the conversation; during their credit. Mr Fer;et, sure I am you were which the chairman upbraided one of the not ignorant of my situation; and I'm not a members in the open club for having once little surprised that you should bring the lent forty pounds upon slight security. The gentleman to me on business of this kind: person accused alleged in his own defence, but, as the wise man observes, Bray a fool that the borrower was his own kinsman, in a mortar, and he'll never be wise." So whose funds he knew to be sufficient; that saying, with a most emphatic glance directed he had granted his bond, and been at the to the broker, he rung the bell, and called expense of insuring his life for the money; for the reckoning; when, finding that he was and, in conclusion, had discharged it to the to be the guest of Renaldo, he thanked him day with great punctuality. These allega- dryly for his good cheer, and in an abrupt tions were not deemed exculpatory by the manner took himself away. rest of the assembly, who with one voice Though baffled in this quarter, the young pronounced him guilty of unwarrantable rash- gentleman would not despair, but forthwith ness and indiscretion, which in time coming employed Mr Ferret in an application to must undoubtedly operate to the prejudice another of the society, who, after having of his character and credit. heard the terms of his commission, desired This was a bitter declaration to the young him to tell his principal that he could do count, who nevertheless endeavoured to im- nothing without the concurrence of his partprove the footing he had gained among them, ner, who happened to be at that time in one by courting: their company, conforming to of our American plantations: a third being their manners, and attentively listening to solicited,:excused himself on account of an their discourse. When he had cultivated oath which he had lately taken on the back them with great assiduity for the space of of a considerable loss: a fourth being tried, some weeks, dined at their houses upon made answer that it was not in his way: and pressing invitations, and received repeated a fifth candidly owned, that he never lent offers of service and friendship, believing that money without proper security. things were -now ripe for the purpose, he one Thus the forlorn Renaldo tried every ex. day, at a tavern to which he had invited him periment without success, and nowsaw the to dinner, ventured to disclose his situation last ray of hope extinguished. Well nigh 31I 466 SMOLLETT'S SELECT WORKS. destitute of present support, and encompassed and morality; and, friorn using the other exwith unrelenting duns, he was obliged to keep pedient, he was deterred by his love for within doors, and seek some comfort in the Monimia, together with the?notives of philoconversation of his charming mistress and sophy and religion. his faithful friend; yet even there he expe- While in this manner he secretly nursed rienced the extremest rigour of adverse fate. the worm of grief that preyed upon his vitals, IEvery rap at the door alarmed him with the the alteration in his countenance and conduct expectation of some noisy tradesman demand- did not escape the eyes of that discerning ing payment. WVhen he endeavoured to young lady. She was alarmed at the change, amuse himself with drawing, some unlucky yet afraid to inquire into the source of it; feature of the occasional portrait recalled the for, being ignorant of his distress, she could image of an obdurate creditor, and made him impute it to no cause in which her happiness tremble at the work of his own hands. WVhen was not deeply interested. She had observed he fled for shelter to the flattering creation his strained complaisance and extraordinary of fancy, some abhorred idea always started emotion; she had detected him in repeated up amidst the gay vision, and dissolved the attempts to avoid her company, and taken pleasing enchantment. Even the seraphic notice of his regular excursions in the dark. voice of Monimia had no longer power to These were alarming symptoms to a lover of compose the anxious tumults of his mind: her delicacy and pride: she strove in vain to every song she warbled, every tune she put the most favourable construction on what played, recalled to his remembrance some she saw; and, finally, imputed the effects of scene of love and happiness elapsed, and his despondence to the alienation of his overwhelmed his soul with the woful com- heart. Made miserable beyond expression parison of past and present fate. He saw all by these suspicions, she imparted them to that was amiable and perfect in woman, all Fathom, who, by this time, was in full posthat he held most dear and sacred upon session of her confidence and esteem, and earth, tottering on the brink of misery, with- implored his advice touching her conduct in out knowing the danger of her situation, and such a nice conjuncture. found himself unable to prevent her fall, or This artful politician, who rejoiced at the even to forewarn her of the peril; for, as we effect of her penetration, no sooner heard have already observed, his soul could not himself questioned on the subject, than he brook the thought of communicating the gave tokens of surprise and confusion, signitidings of distress to the tender-hearted fying his concern to find she had discovered Monimia. what (for the honour of his friend) he wished had never come to light. His behaviour on this occasion confirmed her fatal conjecture; CHAPTER XLV. and she conjured him, in the most pathetic manner, to tell her if he thought Renaldo's lenaldo's distress deepens, and Fathom's heart had contracted any new engagement. plot thickens. At this question he started, with signs of extreme agitation, and, stifling an artificial SucI aggravated misfortune could not fail to sigh, —" Sure, madam," said he, "you canaffect his temper and deportment: the con- not doubt the count's constancy-I am confi. tinual efforts he made to conceal his vexation dent —he is certainly —I protest, madam, I produced a manifest distraction in his be- am so shocked"lihaviour and discourse. He began to be seized Here he made a full pause, as if the conwith horror at the sight of poor Monimia, flict between his integrity and his friendship whom he therefore shunned as much as the would not allow him to proceed, and sumeircumstances of their correspondence would moned the moisture into either eye. " Then allow; and every evening he went forth alone are my doubts removed," cried the afflicted to some solitary place, where he could, un- Monimia: " I see your candour in the midst perceived, give a loose to the transports of of your attachment to Renaldo; and will no his sorrow, and in silence meditate some longer torment you with impertinent interromeans to lighten the burden of his woe. His gations and vain complaints." With these lheartwas sometimes so savaged with despair, words, a flood of tears gushed from her enwhich represented mankind as his inveterate chanting eyes, and, she instantly withdrew enemies, that he entertained thoughts of de- into her own apartment, where she indulged nouncing war against the whole community, her sorrow to excess. Nor was her grief and supplying his own wants with the spoils unanimated with resentment. She was by he should win; at other times he was tempted birth, nature, and education, inspired with with the desire of putting an end to his that dignity of pride which ennobles the humiseries and life together: yet these were man heart; and this, by the circumstance of but the transitory suggestions of temporary her present dependence, was rendered exmadness, that soon yielded to the dictates of tremely jealous and susceptible; insomuch reason. From the execution of the first he that she could not brook the least shadow of was restrained by his own notions of honour indifference, much less an injury of such a ADVENTURES OF FERDINAND COUNT FATHOM. 467 nature, from the man whom she had honoured At other times, when he found her melted with her affections, and for whom she had dis- into silent sorrow, he affected to excuse the obliged and deserted' her family and friends. conduct of his friend. He informed her, that Though her love was so unalterably fixed the young gentleman's temper had been unon this unhappy youth, that, without the con- even from his infancy; that frailty was natural tinuation of reciprocal regard, her life would to man; that he might in time be reclaimed have become an unsupportable burden, even by self-conviction; he even hinted, that she amidst all the splendour of affluence and might have probably ascribed to inconstancy, pomp; and although she foresaw that, when what was really the effect of some chagrin his protection should cease, she must be left which he industriously concealed from his a wretched orphan in a foreign land, exposed participation; but, when he found her disto all the miseries of want; yet such was the posed to listen to this last suggestion, he loftiness of her displeasure, that she disdained destroyed the force of it, by recollecting to complain, or even demand an explanation the circumstances of his nocturnal rambles, from the supposed author of her wrongs. which, he owned, would admit of no favourWhile she continued undetermined in her able construction. purpose, and fluctuating on this sea of tor- By these means he blew the coals of her ture, Fathom, believing that now was the jealousy, and enhanced the value of his own season for working upon her passions, while character at the same time; for she looked they were all in commotion, became, if possi- upon him as a mirror of faith and integrity; ble, more assiduous than ever about the fair and the mind being overcharged with woe, mourner, modelled his features into a melan- naturally seeks some confidant, upon whose choly cast, pretended to share her distress sympathy it can repose itself: indeed his with the most emphatic sympathy, and en- great aim was to make himself necessary to deavoured to keep her resentment glowing her affliction, and settle a gossipping corresby cunning insinuations, which, though ap- pondence, in the familiarity of which he parently designed to apologise for his friend, hoped his purpose would certainly be anserved only to aggravate the guilt of his per- swered. fidy and dishonour. This pretext of friendly Yet the exertion of these talents was not concern is the most effectual vehicle for the limited to her alone. While he laid these conveyance of malice and slander; and a trains for the hapless young lady, he was man's reputation is never so mortally stabbed, preparing snares of another kind for her unas when the assassin begins with the pream- suspecting lover, who (for the completion of ble of,-" For my own part, I can safely say, his misery) about this time began to perceive that no man upon earth has a greater regard marks of disquiet and displeasure in the for him than I have; and it is with the ut- countenance and deportment of his adored most anguish and concern that I see him Monimia; for that young lady, in the midst misbehave in such a manner." Then he of her grief, remembered her origin, and over proceeds to mangle his character; and the her vexation affected to throw a veil of trangood-natured hearers, concluding he is even quillity, which served only to give an air of blacker than he is represented, on the'sup- disgust to her internal disturbance. position that the most atrocious circum- Renaldo, whose patience and philosophy stances are softened or suppressed by the were barely sufficient to bear the load of his tenderness or friendship of the accuser, ex- other evils, would have been quite overclaim,-" Good lack! what a wretch he must whelmned with the additional burden of Mobe, when his best friends will no longer at- nimia's woe, if it had not assumed this aptempt to defend him!" Nay, sometimes these pearance of disesteem, which, as he knew well-wishers undertake his defence, and trea- he had not deserved it, brought his resentcherously betray the cause they have es- ment to his assistance: yet this was but a poused, by omitting the reasons that may be wretched cordial to support him against the urged in his vindication. baleful reflections that assaulted him from Both these methods were practised by the every quarter; it operated like those deswily Ferdinand, according to the predominant perate remedies, which, while they stimulate passion of Monimia. When her indignation exhausted nature, help to destroy the very prevailed, he expatiated upon his love and fundamentals of the constitution. He resincere regard for Renaldo, which, he said, viewed his own conduct with the utmost had grown up from the cradle to such a de- severity, and could not recollect one circum gree of fervour, that he would willingly paf stance which could justly offend the idol of with life for his advantage. He shed tears his soul. The more blameless he appeared for his apostacy; but every drop made an to himself in this examination, the less exindelible stain upon his character; and in cusable did her behaviour appear: he tasked the bitterness of his grief, swore, notwith- his penetration to discover the cause of this standing his fondness for Renaldo, which had alteration; he burned with impatience to become a part of his constitution, that the know it: his discernment failed him, and he young-Hungarian deserved the mostinfamous was afraid (though he knew not why) to dedestiny for having injured such perfection. mand an explanation. His thoughts were so 468 SMOLLETT'S SELECT WORKS. circumstanced, that he durst not even un- tion of pleasures, and she was surrounded bosom himself to Fathom, though his own with affluence, pomp, and admiration; where virtue and friendship resisted those senti- she could, unmolested, dwell upon the wretchments that began to intrude upon his mind,. ed comparison between her past and present with suggestions to the prejudice of our ad- condition, and paint every circumstance of venturer s fidelity., her misery in the most aggravating colours, Nevertheless., unable to endure the tor- that they might make the deeper impression ments of such interesting suspense, he at upon her mind, and the more speedily conlength made an effort to expostulate with the tribute to that dissolution for which she fair orphan; and in an abrupt. address, the ardently wished, as a total release from woe. efTect of his fear and confusion, begged, to Amidst these pinings, she began to loathe know if he had inadvertently done any thing all sustenance; her cheeks grew wan, her to incur her displeasure. Monimia hearing bright eyes lost. their splendour, the roses herself bluntly accosted in this unusual strain, vanished from her lips, and her delicate limbs after repeated instances. of his reserve and could hardly support their burden; in a word, supposed inconstancy, considering the ques- her sole consolation was limited to the prostion as a fresh insult, and, summoning her pect of depositing her sorrows in the grave; whole pride to her assistance, replied, with and her only wish was to procure a retreat affected tranquillity, or rather with an air of in which she might wait with resignation for scorn, that she had no title to judge, neither- that happy period. Yet this melancholy did she pretendtocondemn his;conduct. This comfort' she could not obtain wvithout the answer, so wide of that tenderness and con-:advice and mediation of Fathom, whom she cern which had hitherto manifested.itself in therefore still continued to see and consult., the disposition of his amiable mistress, de- While these consultations were held, Reprived him of-all power to carry on the con- naldo's bosom was ravaged with tempests of versation, and he retired with a low bow, rage and distraction. He believed himself fully convinced of his having irretrievably lost superseded in the affection of his mistress by the place he had possessed in her affection.; some favoured rival, whose success rankled for, to his imagination, warped and blinded at his soul; and though he scarce durst comby his misfortunes, her demeanour seemed. municate the suspicion to his.o.wn heart, his fraught, not with a transient gleam of anger, observation continually whispered to him which a respectful lover would soon have that he was supplanted by his friend Fathom; appeased, but with that contempt and in- for Monimia was totally detached from the difference which denote a total absence of conversation of every other man, and he had affection and esteem. She, on the other of late noted their intercourse with distemhand, misconstrued his. sudden retreat; and pered eyes. now they beheld the actions of. each other These considerations sometimes transthrough the false medium of prejudice and ported him to such a degree of frenzy, that resentment. To such fatal misunderstand- he was tempted to sacrifice them both as ings the peace and happiness of whole traitors to gratitude, friendship, and love; families often fall a sacrifice. but such deliriums soon vanished before his honour and humanity. He would not allow himself to think amiss of Ferdinand, until CHAPTER XLVI. some undoubted mark of his guilt should appear; and this was so far from being the Our adventurer becomes absolute in- his case, that hitherto there was scarce a prepower over the passions of his'friend, sumption. On the contrary (said he to him_ and effects one half of his aim. self), I am hourly receiving proofs of his sympathy and attachment: not but that he INFLUENCED by this dire mistake, the breasts may be the innocent cause of my mishap: his of;those unhappy lovers began' to be. invaded superior qualifications may have attracted with the' horrors of jealousy;, the tender- the eye, and engaged the heart, of that inhearted Monimia endeavoured to devour her' constant fair, without his being sensible of,friefs in silence; she in secret bemoaned her' the victory he has won; or, perhaps, shocked tbrlorn fate without ceasing; her tears flowed; at the conquest he hath unwillingly made, without intermission from night to morn, and he discourages her advances, tries to reason from morn to night-; sh:e sought not to know down her unjustifiable passion, and in the the object for which she was forsaken; she rnan time conceals from me the particulars, meant not-to upbraid the. undoer; her.aim out of regard to my happiness and quiet. was to find a sequestered corner, in which Under cover of these favourable conjecshe could, indulge. her- sorrow.; where, she tures, our adventurer securely prosecuted his could brood- over, the- melancholy remem- scheme upon the unfortunate Monimia. He brancer of, her former, felicity; where she dedicated himself wholly to her service and could recollect those happy scenes;she had conversation, except at those times when his eajoyed under the wings. of her indulgent company. was requested by Renaldo, who parents, when her whole life-was: a revolt- now very seldom exacted his attendance iin ADVENTURES OF FERDINAND COUNT FATHOM. 469 his ministry about the person of the beaute- supplications, and by protesting, that, whatous orphan, this cunning-incendiary mingled ever tortures he might suffer by repressing such awful regard, such meltingcompassion, his -sentiments, she should never again be as effectually screened him from the suspi- offended with a declaration of his passion. cion of treachery, while he widened the fatal Having thus appeased the gentle Monimia,.breach between her and her lover bythe most.and discovered that, in spite of her resentdiabolical insinuations. He represented his ment, his friend still kept possession of her friend as a voluptuary, who gratified his own heart, he determined to work an effectual appetite without the least regard to honour separation, so as that the young lady, being or conscience; and with a show of infinite utterly deserted by Melvil, should be left reluctance, imparted some anecdotes of his altogether in his power. With this christian sensuality, which he had feigned for the pur- intention, he began to sadden his visage with pose; then he would exclaim in an affected -a double shade of pensive melancholy in the transport,-" Gracious Heaven'! is it possi- presence of Renaldo, -to trifle a succession ble for any man who has the least title to of involuntary sighs, to answer from the purperception or humanity to injure such inno- pose, to'be incoherent in his discourse, and, cence and perfection! for my own part, had in a word, to act'the part of a person wrapt I been so undeservedly happy — heaven and up in sorrowful cogitation. earth! forgive my transports, madam, I can- Count Melvil, soon as he perceived these not help seeing and admiring such divine symptoms, very kindly inquired;into the cause attractions. I cannot help resenting your of them, and was not a little alarmed to hear wrongs; it is the cause of virtue I espouse; the artful and evasive answers of:Ferdinand, it ought to be the cause of every honest man." who, without disclosing the -source of his He had often repeated such -apostrophes disquiet, earnestly begged leaveto retire into as these, which she ascribed to nothing else some other corner of the world. Roused by than sheer benevolence and virtuous indig- this entreaty, the Hungarian'sjealousy awoke, nation, and he actually began to think he had and with violent agitation he exclaimed,made some impression upon her heart; not "Then are my fears too true-my dear that he now entertained the hope of an im- Fathom, I comprehend the meaning of your mediate triumph over her chastity. The request. I have for some time perceived a more he contemplated her character, the host of horrors approachiing from that quarter. more difficult the conquest seemed to be: he I know your worth and honour. I depend therefore altered his plan,:and resolved to upon your friendship, and conjure you, by all carry on his operations under the shelter of the ties of it,:to free:me at once from the honourable proposals, foreseeing that a wife most'miserable suspense, by owning you have of her qualifications, if properly -managed, involuntarily captivated the heart of;that would turn greatly to the account of the hus- unhappy maiden." nand; or, if her virtue should prove refractory, To this solemn interrogation he made no that he could at any time rid himself of the reply; but, shedding a flood of tears (of which incumbrance, by decamping without beat of he had always a magazine at command), he drum, after he should be cloyed with pos- repeated his desire of withdrawing, and took session. God to witness, that what he proposed was Elevated by these expectations, he one solely for the quiet of his honoured patron day, in the midst of a preconcerted rhapsody, and beloved friend. " Enough," cried the importing that he could no longer conceal unfortunate Renaldo, "-the'measure of my the fire that preyed upon his heart, threw woes is now filled up." So saying, he fell himselfon his knees before the lovely mourner, backwards in a swoon, from which he was and imprinted a kiss on her fair hand. Though with difficulty recovered to the sensation of he did not presume to take this liberty till the most exquisite torments. During this after such preparation as he thought had paroxysm, our adventurer nursed him with altogether extinguished her regard for Melvil, infinite care iand tenderness; he exhorted and paved the way for his own reception in him to summon all his fortitude to his assistroom of that discarded lover, he had so far ance; to remember his forefathers, and exert overshot his mark, that Monimia, instead of himself in the imitation of their virtues; to favourinog his declaration, started up, and fly from those bewitching charms which had retired in silence, her cheeks glowing with enslaved his better part; to retrieve his peace shame, and her eyes gleaming with indigna- of mind, by reflecting on the inconstancy and tion. ingratitude of woman; and amuse his imaglFerdinand no sooner recovered front the nation in the pursuit of honour and glory. confusion produced by this unexpected re- After these admonitions, he abused his ears pulse, than he saw the necessity of coming with a forged detail of the gradual advances to a speedy determination, lest the offended made to him by Monimia, and the steps he fair one should appeal to Renaldo, in which had taken to discourage her addresses, and case they might be mutually undeceived, to: re-establish her virtue; poisoning the mind his utter shame and confusion: lie therefore of that credulous youth to such a degree, resolved to deprecate her anger by humble that, in all probability, he would have put a 470 SMOLLETT'S SELECT WORKS. fatal period to his own existence, had not the picture of her father set with diamnonds, Fathom found means to allay the rage of his which she had hitherto reserved as the last ecstasy, by the cunning arrangement of op- and greatest testimony of her affection and posite considerations. He set his pride esteem. against his love, he opposed his resentment With these words he presented the fatal to his sorrow, and his ambition to his despair. pledge to the eyes of the astonished youth, Notwithstanding the balance of power so upon whom it operated like the poisonous settled among these antagonists, so violent sight of the basilisk; for, in an instant, the were the shocks of their successive conflicts, whole passions of his soul were in the most that his bosom fared like a wretched province, violent agitation. " What!" cried he, in an harassed, depopulated, and laid waste, by ecstasy of rage, "is she so abandoned to two fierce contending armies. From this perfidy, so lost to shame, so damned to conmoment his lifbe was nothing but an alterna- stancy, to gratitude, and virtuous love, as to tion of starts and reveries: he wept and raved meditate the means of leaving me without by turns, according to the prevailing gust of decency, without remorse! to forsake me in passion; food became a stranger to his lips, my adversity, when my hapless fortune can and sleep to his eyelids; he could not support no longer flatter the pride and vanity of her the presence of Monimia; her absence in- expectation! O woman! woman! woman! creased the torture of his pangs; and when what simile shall I find to illustrate the chalie met her by accident, he started back with racter of the sex But I will not have rehorror, like a traveller who chances to tread course to vain complaints and feeble exclaupon a snake. mations. By Heaven! she shall not escape; The poor afflicted orphan, worn to a shadow she shall not triumph in her levity; she shall with self-consuming anguish, eager to find not exult in my distress: no! I will rather some lowly retreat, where she could breathe sacrifice her to my just resentment, to the out her soul in peace, and terrified at the injured powers of love and friendship. I frantic behaviour of Renaldo, communicated will act the avenging minister of Heaven! I to Fathom her desire of removing; and begged will mangle that fair bosom, which contains that he would take a small picture of her so false a heart! I will tear her to pieces, father, decorated with diamonds, and convert and scatter those beauteous limbs, as a prey them into money, for the expense of her sub- to the beasts of the field and the fowls of sistence. This was the last pledge of her the air?" family, which she had received from her Fathom, who expected this storm, far from mother, who had preserved it in the midst attempting to oppose its progress, waited of numberless distresses; and no other species with patience until its first violence was overof misery but that which she groaned under blown; then, assuming an air of condolence, could have prevailed upon the daughter to animated with that resolution which a friend part with it: but, exclusive of other motives, ought to maintain on such occasions,-" /My the very image itself, by recalling to her dear count," said he, "I am not at all surmind the honours of her name, upbraided her prised at your emotion, because I know what with living in dependence upon a man who a heart, susceptible as yours, must feel fiom had treated her with such indignity and in- the apostacy of one who has reigned so long' gratitude; besides, she flattered herself with the object of your love, admiration, and the hope that she should not long survive the esteem. Your endeavours to drive her from loss of this testimonial. your thoughts must create an agony much Our adventurer, with many professions of more severe than that which divorces the sorrow and mortification at his own want of soul from the body. Nevertheless, I am so capacity to prevent such an alienation, un- confident of your virtue and your manhood, dertook to dispose of it to the best advantage, as to foresee, that you will allow the frail and to provide her with a cheap and retired Monimia to execute that resolution which apartment, to which he would conduct her she hath so unwisely taken, to withdraw herin safety, though at the hazard of his life. self from your love and protection. Believe In the meantime, however, he repaired to me, my best friend and benefactor, this is a his friend Renaldo; and, after having admo- step, in consequence of which you will innished him to arm his soul with patience and fallibly retrieve your peace of mind. It may philosophy, declared, that Monimia's guilty cost you many bitter pangs, it may probe passion for himself could no longer be kept your wounds to the quick:,but those pangs within bounds; that she had conjured him in will be soothed by the gentle and salutary the most pressing manner, to assist her in wing of time, and that probing will rouse you escaping from a house which she considered to a due sense of your own dignity and imas the worst of dungeons, because she was in portance, which will enable you to convert it daily exposed to the sight and company your attention to objects far more worthy of of a man whom she detested; and that she your contemplation. All the hopes of haphad bribed him to compliance with her re- piness you had cherished in the possession quest, ndt only with repeated promises of of Monimia are now irrecoverably blasted: eternal love and submission, but also with her heart is now debased beneath your con. ADVENTURES OF FERDINAND COUNT FATI-HOM. 471 sideration; her love is, without all doubt, inconstant, ungenerous, and perjured swain, extinguished, and her honour irretrievably but as the accomplished, the virtuous, the lost: insomuch, that were she to profess melting lover, who had captivated her virgin sorrow for her indiscretion, and implore your heart. As Fathom led her to the door, she forgiveness, with the most solemnn promises was met by Renaldo's dog, which had long of regarding you for the future with unalter- been her favourite, and the poor animal fawnable fidelity and affection, you ought not to ing upon her as she passed, her heart was restore her to that place in your heart which overwhelmed with such a gush of tenderness, she hath so meanly forfeited, because you that a flood of tears streamed down her could not at the same time reinstate her in cheeks, and she had well nigh sunk upon the the possession of that delicate esteem, with- floor. out which there is no harmony, no rapture, Ferdinand, considering this emotion as the no true enjoyment in love. No, my dear last tribute she would pay to Renaldo, hurried Renaldo, expel the unworthy tenant from her into the coach, where she soon recovered your bosom; allow her to fill up the measure her composure; and in a little time he usherof her ingratitude, by deserting her lover, ed her into the house of Madame la ABler, by friend, and benefactor. Your glory demands whom she was received with great cordiality, her dismission; the world will applaud your and conducted to her apartment, with which generosity, and your own heart approve of she found no other fault than that of itb being your conduct; so disincumbered, let us exert too good for one in her forlorn situation. ourselves once more in promoting your de- Here, while the tear of gratitude started in parture from this island, that you may revisit either eye, she thanked our adventurer for your father's house, do justice to yourself his benevolence and kind concern, assuring and amiable sister, and take vengeance on him, that she would not fail daily to beseech the author of your wrongs; then dedicate the Most High to shower down blessings yourself' to glory, in imitation of your re- upon him, as the orphan's friend and pronowned ancestors, and flourish in the favour tector. of your imperial patron." Fathom was not deficient in those exThese remonstrances had such an effect pressions that were best adapted to her preupon the Hungarian, that his face was lighted sent turn of mind. He observed, that what up with a transient gleam of satisfaction. he had done was in obedience to the dictates IHe embraced Ferdinand with great ardour, of common humanity, which would have calling him his pride, his Mentor, his good prompted him to assist any fellow-creature genius, and entreated him to gratify the in- in distress; but that her peculiar virtue anti clination of that fickle creature so far, as to qualifications were such as challenged thet convey her to another lodging, without loss utmost exertion of his faculties in her serof time, while he would, by absenting him- vice. He said, that surely I-eaven had not self, favour their retreat. - created such perfection in vain; that she was Our hero having obtained this permission, destined to receive as well as to communi. went immediately to the skirts of the town, cate happiness; and that the Providence, where he had previously bespoken a small, which she so piously adored, would not fail, though neat apartment, at the house of an in due season, to raise her from distress andi old woman, widow of a French refugee. He affliction to that honour and felicity for which] had already reconnoitred the ground, by she was certainly ordained. In the mean sounding his landlady, from whose poverty time, he entreated her to depend upon his and complaisance he found reason to expect service and fidelity; and the article of her all sorts of fireedom and opportunity for the board being settled, he left her to the comaccomplishment of his aim upon Monimia's pany and consolation of her discreet hostess, person. The room being prepared for her who soon insinuated herself into the good reception, he returned to that disconsolate opinion of her beauteous lodoer. beauty, to whom he presented ten guineas, While our hero was emnployed in this which he pretended to have raised by pledg- transaction, Renaldo sallied forth in a sort ing the picture, though he himself acted as of intoxication, which Fathomr's admonitions the pawnbroker on this occasion, for avery had inspired; and, repairing to a certain plain and obvious reason. noted coffee-house, engaged at chess with an The fair orphan was overjoyed to find her old French refugee, that his attention, by wish so speedily accomplished: she forthwith being otherwise employed, might not stray pacdked up her necessaries in a trunk; and towards that fatal object which he ardently a hackney coach was called in the dusk of wished to forget. But, unluckily for him, he the evening, in which she embarked with her had scarce performed three moves of the baggage and conductor. game, when his ears were exposed to a Yet she did not leave the habitation of dialogue between two young gentlemen, one Renaldo without regret. In the instant of of whom asked the other if he would go and parting, the idea of that unfortunate youth see the Orphan acted at one of the theatres; was associated with every well-known object observing, as a farther inducement, that the that presented itself to her eyes; not as an part of Monimia would be performed by a 40 4172 SMOLLETT'S SELECT WORKS. young gentlewoman who had never appeared who is herself lost to all virtue and decorum 7 on the stage. At mention of that name, Time and reflection, iy worthy friend, wi;l Renialdo started; for, though it did not pro- cure you of that inglorious malady; and the perly belong to his orphan, it was the ap- future misconduct of that imprudent damsel pellation by which she had been distinguished will doubtless contribute to the recovery of ever since her separation from her father's your peace. Her behaviour at leaving the house, and therefore it recalled her to his house where she had received so many marlks imaoination in the most interesting point of of the most delicate affection, was in all review. Though he endeavoured to expel the spects so opposite to honour and decency, image by a closer application to his play, that I could scarce refrain from telling her I every now and then it intruded upon his was shocked at her deportment, even while fancy, and at each return made a stronger she loaded me with protestations of love. impression; so that he found himself in the When a woman's heart is once depraved, situation of an unfortunate bark stranded she bids adieu to all restraint; she preserves upon some hidden rock, which, when the no measures. It was not simply contempt wind begins to blow, feels every succeeding which she expressed for Renaldo; she seems wave more boisterous than the former, until, to resent his being able to live under her diswith irresistible fury, they surmount- her deck, dain; and that resentment stoops to objects sweep every thing before them, and dash her unworthy of indignation. Even your dog all to pieces. was not exempted from the effects of her The refugee had observed his first emotion, displeasure; fbr, in her passage to the door, which he attributed to an unforeseen ad- she kicked the poor animal as one of your vantage he himself had gained over the Hun- dependents; and, in our way to the apartgarian; but seeing him in the sequel bite his ment I had provided for her, she entertained lip, roll his eyes, groan, writhe his body, me with a ludicrous comment upon the manejaculate incoherent curses, and neglect his ner in which you first made her acquainted game, the huguenot concluded that he was with your passion. All that modesty of carmad, and being seized with terror and dis- riage, all that chastity of conversation, all may, got up, and scampered off, without that dignity of grief, which she knew so well ceremony or hesitation. how to affect, is now entirely laid aside, and, Melvil, thus left to the horrors of his own when I quitted her, she seemed the most gay, thought, which tortured him with the appre- giddy, and impertinent of her sex." hension of losing Monimia for ever, could no "Gracious powers!" exclaimed Renaldo longer combat that suggestion, but ran home- starting from the couch, " I am under the wards with all the speed he could exert, in delusion of a dream, or are these things order to prevent her retreat. When he really so as my friend has represented them? crossed the threshold, he was struck with Such a total and sudden degeneracy is amasuch a damp of presaging fear, that he durst zing! is monstrous and unnatural!" " Such, not in person approach her apartment, nor my dear count," replied our hero, "is the even, by questioning the servant, inform him- caprice of a female heart, fickle as the wind, self of the particulars he wanted to know: uncertain as a calmn at sea, fixed to no princiyet his suspense becoming more insupport- ple, but swayed by every fantastic gust of able than his fear, he rushed from room to passion or of whim. Congratulate yourself, room in quest of that which was not to be therefore, my friend, upon your happy defound; and, seeing Monimia's chamber door liverance from such a domestic plague, upon open, entered the deserted temple in a state the voluntary exile of a traitor from your of distraction, calling aloud upon her name. bosom: recollect the dictates of your duty, All was silent, solitary, and woful. " She is your discretion, and your glory, and think gone!" he cried, shedding a flood of tears, upon the honours and elevated enjoyment for " she is for ever lost, and all my hopes of which you are certainly ordained. To-night happiness are fled!" let us over a cheerfill bottle anticipate your So saying, he sunk upon that couch on success, and to-morrow I will accompany you which Monimia had oft reposed, and aban- to the house of an usurer, who, I am informdoned himself to all the excess of grief and ed, fears no risk, provided twenty per cent despondence. In this deplorable condition be given, and the borrower's life insured. he was found by our adventurer, who gently chid him for his want of resolution, and again repelled his sorrow, by arousing his resent- CHAPTER XLVII. mnent against the innocent cause of his disquiet, having beforehand forged the particu- The art of borrowing further expolazned, lars of provocation. " Is it possible," said and an account of a strange phenomenon. he. " that Renaldo can still retain the least sentiment of regard for a fickle woman, by IN this manner did the artful incendiary work whom he has been so ungratefully forsaken, upon the passions of the credulous, unsusand so unjustly scorned? Is it possible he pecting Hungarian, who pressed him to his m-n be so disturbed by the loss of a creature breast with the most cordial expressions of ADVENTURES OF FERDINAND COUNT FATHOM. 473 friendship, calling him his guardian, his sa- sion on the highway, was apprehended, tried viour, his second father, and gave himself up convicted of felony, and cut his own throat, wholly to his advice. to prevent the shame of a public execution: Next morning, according to the plan they so that his bond was discharged by the inhad laid over night, they repaired to a tavern surers. in the neighbourhood of the person to whom "In short, gentlemen, when I engaged in our adventurer had been directed, and were this business, I determined to carry it on with fortunate enough to find him in the house, such spirit as would either make my fortune, transacting a money affair with a young gen- or entirely ruin me in a little time; and hithtleman, who treated him with his rmorning's erto my endeavours have been tolerably sucwhet. cessful. Nor do I think my proceedings a That affair being negotiated, he adjourned whit more criminal or unjust than those of into another room with Renaldo and his com- other merchants, who strive to turn their panion, who were not a little surprised to see money to the best account. The commodity this minister of Plutus in the shape of a young I deal in is cash, and it is my business to sell sprightly beau, trimmed up in all the foppery it to the best advantage. A London factor of the fashion; for they had hitherto always sends a cargo of goods to market, and if he associated with the idea of a usurer old age gets two hundred per cent upon the sale, he and rusty apparel. After divers modish is commended for industry and address. If congees, he begged to know to what he I sell money for one fourth part of that profit, should attribute the honour of their message, certain persons will be so unjust as to cry, when Ferdinand, who acted the orator, told shame upon me, for taking such advantage him, that his friend Count Melvil, having of my neighbour's distress, not considering occasion for a sum of money, had been di- that the trader took four times the same rected to a gentleman of his name,-" and I advantage of those people who bought his suppose," added he, " you are the son of the cargo, though his risk was not half so great person with whom the affair is to be nego- as mine, and although the money I sold pertiated." haps retrieved the borrower from the very "Sir," said this petit maitre with a smile, jaws of destruction; for example, it was but "I perceive you are surprised to see one of yesterday I saved a worthy man from being my profession in the appearance of a gentle- arrested for a sum of money, for which he man; and perhaps your wonder will not cease, had bailed a friend who treacherously left when I tell you, that my education was libe- him in the lurch; as he did not foresee wthat ral, and that I once had the honour to bear a would happen, he had made no provision for commission in the British army. I was in- the demand, and his sphere of life secluding deed a first lieutenant of marines, and will him from all sorts of moneyed intercourse, he venture to say, that no officer in the service could not raise the cash by his credit in the was more delicate than myself in observing usual way of borrowing; so that, without my all the punctilios of honour. I entertained assistance, he must have gone to jail; a disthe utmost contempt for all the trading part grace which would have proved fatal to the of the nation, and suffered myself to be run peace of his family, and utterly ruined his through the body in a duel, rather than roll reputation. Nay, that very young gentleman with a brother lieutenant, who was a broker's from whom I arn just now parted, will, in al, son; but, thank Heaven! I have long ago probability, be indebted to me for a very genconquered all those ridiculous prejudices. I teel livelihood. HIe had obtained the absosoon observed that, without money, there lute promise of being provided for by a great was no respect, honour, or convenience, to man, who sits at the helm of affairs in a neighbe acquired in life; that wealth amply sup- bouring kingdom; but being destitute of all plied the want of wit, merit, and pedigree, other resources, he could not have equipped having influence and pleasure ever at com- himself for the voyage, in order to profit by mand; and that the world never failed to his lordship's intention, unless I had enabled worship the flood of affluence, without ex- him to pursue his good fortune." amining the dirty channels through which it Renaldo was not a little pleased to hear commonly flowed. this harangue, to which Fathom replied, with "At the end of the war, finding my ap- many florid encomiums upon the usurer's pointments reduced to two shillings and four- good sense and humane disposition; then he pence per day, and being addicted to plea- explained the errand of his friend, which was sures which I could not possibly purchase to borrow three hundred pounds, in order to from such a fund, I sold my half-pay for two retrieve his inheritance, of which he had hundred pounds, which I lent upon bond to a been defrauded in his absence. young officer of the same regiment, on con- "Sir," said the lender, addressing himself dition that he should insure his life, and re- to Count Melvil, " I pretend to have acquired store one fourth part of the sum by way of by experience some skill in physiognomy; premium. I happened to be lucky in this and though there are some faces so deeply first essay; for the borrower, having in six disguised as to baffle all the penetration of weeks expended the money, made an excur- our art, there are others in which the heart 3 K 474 SMOLLETT'S SELECT WORKS. appears with such nakedness of integrity, as periment upon the children of Israel, they at once to recommend it to our good will. I betook themselves to the house of a rich Jew, I own your countenance prepossesses me in whose wealth they considered as a proof of your favour; and you shall be accommodated, his rapaciousness; and, being admitted into upon those terms fiom which I never deviate, his counting-house, they found him in the provided you can find proper security that midst of half a dozen clerks, when Renaldo, you shall not quit the British dominions, for in his imagination, likened him unto a ministhat with me is a condition sine qua non." ter of darkness surrounded by his familiars, This was a very disagreeable declaration and planning schemes of misery to be exeto Renaldo, who candidly owned, that, as cuted upon the hapless sons of men. In his concerns lay upon the continent, his pur- spite of these suggestions, which were not pose was to leave England without delay. at all mitigated by the forbidding aspect of The usurer professed himself sorry that it the Hebrew, he demanded a private audience; was not in his power to oblige him; and, in and, being ushered into another apartment, order to prevent any further importunity, he explained his business with manifest marks assured them, he had laid it down as a maxim, of disorder and affliction. Indeed his confufirom which he would never swerve, to avoid sion was in some measure owing to the looks all dealings with people whom (if need should of the Jew, who, in the midst of his exordium, be) he could not sue by the laws of this realm. pulled down his eye-brows, which were surThus the intervention of one unlucky and prisingly black and bushy, so as, in appear.. unforeseen circumstance blasted in an instant ance, totally to extinguish his visage, though the budding hopes of Melvil, who, while his he was all the time observing our youth from visage exhibited the most sorrowful disap- behind those almost impenetrable thickets. pointment, begged to know if there was any Melvil having signified his request, "Young person of his acquaintance who might be less gentleman," said the Israelite, with a most scrupulous in that particular. discordant voice, " what in the name of goodThe young gentleman directed them to ness could induce you to come to me upon another member of his profession, and, wish- such an errand? Did you ever hear that I ing them success, took his leave with great lent money to strangers without security 7" form and complaisance. This instance of " No," replied Renaldo, "nor did I believe politeness was, however, no more than a I should profit by my application: but my shift to disengage himself the more easily affairs are desperate; and my proposals havyfrom their entreaties; for, when the case was ing been rejected by every Christian to whom opened to the second usurer, he blessed him- they were offered, I was resolved to try my self from such customers, and dismissed them fate among the Jews, who are reckoned anwith the most mortifying and boorish refusal. other species of men." Notwithstanding these repulses, Renaldo Fathom, alarmed at this abrupt reply, which resolved to make one desperate push! and, he supposed could not fail to disgust the merwithout allowing himself the least respite, chant, interposed in the conversation, by solicited, one by one, not fewer than fifteen making an apology for the plain dealing of persons who dealt in this kind of traffic, and his friend, who, he said, was soured and his proposals were rejected by each. At lasi, ruffled by his misfortunes; then exerting that fatigued by the toil, and exasperated at the power of eloquence which he had at cornill success of his expedition, and half mad mand, he expostulated upon Renaldo's claim with the recollection of his finances, which and expectations, described the wrongs he were now drained to half-a-crown, —" Since had suffered, extolled his virtue, and drew a we have nothing to expect," cried he, " from most pathetic picture of his distress. the favour of Christians, let us have recourse The Jew listened attentively for some to the descendants of Judah. Though they time; then his eye-brows began to rise and lie under the general reproach of nations as fall alternately; he coughed, sneezed, and a people dead to virtue and benevolence, and winking hard,-" I'm plagued," said he, wholly devoted to avarice, fraud, and extor- "with a salt rheum that trickles from my tion, the most savage of their tribe cannot eyes without intermission." So saying, he treat me with more barbarity of indifference wiped the moisture from his face, and prothan I have experienced among those who ceeded in these words,-" Sir, your story is are the authors of their reproach." plausible, and your friend is a good advocate: Although Fathom looked upon this propo- but, before I give an answer to your demand, sal as an extravagant symptom of despair, he I must beg leave to ask if you can produce affected to approve of the scheme, and en- undeniable evidence of your being the idencouraged Renaldo with the hope of succeed- tical person you really assume. If you are ing in another quarter, even if this expedition really the Count de Melvil, you will excuse should fail; for by this time our adventurer my caution: we cannot be too much on our was half resolved to export him at his own guard against fraud; though I must own you charge, rather than he should be much longer have not the air of an impostor." restricted in his designs upon Monimia. Renaldo's eyes began to sparkle at this Meanwhile, being resolved to try the ex- preliminary question; to which he replied, ADVENTURES OF ik-01tDINAND COUNT FATHOM. 475 that he could procure the testimony of the impute all this kindness to some deep-laid emperor's minister, to whom he had occa- interested scheme, the scope of which he sionally paid his respects since his first arrival could not at present comprehend. in England. After the tumults of the young gentleman's " If that be the case," said the Jew, " take joy had subsided, and he found himself eased the trouble to call here to-morrow morning of that burdensome poverty under which he at eight o'clock, and I will carry you in my had groaned so long, his thoughts, which own coach to the house of his excellency, before were dissipated upon the various cirwith whomn I have the honour to be acquaint- curnstances of distress, began to collect themed; and, if he has nothing to object against selves in a body, and to resume their deliberayour character or pretensions, I will con- tions upon a subject which they had been tribute my assistance towards your obtaining long accustomed to consider; this was no justice at the imperial court." other than the forlorn Monimia, whose idea The Hungarian was so much confibunded now emerged in his bosom, being disencumat this unexpected reception, that he had no bered of one part of the load by which it had power to thank the merchant for his promised been depressed. Ile mentioned her name to favour, but stood motionless and silent, while Fathom with marks of the most melting comthe streams of gratitude ran down his cheeks. passion; deplored her apostacy; and while This genuine emotion of the heart was of he protested that he had divorced her for more weight with the Jew than the eloquent ever from his heart, expressed an inclination acknowledgement which Ferdinand took the to see her once more before his departure, that opportunity of mrking for his friend; and he he might in person exhort her to penitence was fain to dismiss them a little abruptly, in and reformation. order to prevent a second discharge of that Our adventurer, who dreaded such an insame rheum of which he had already com- terview as the infallible means of his own plained. ruin, resisted the proposal with the whole Melvil recollected all that had happened as power of his elocution. He affirmed that a dream, which had no foundation in truth, Renaldo's desire was a manifest proof that and was all day long in a sort of delirium, he still retained part of the fatal poison which produced by the alternate gusts of hope and that enchantress had spread within his veins; fear that still agitated his bosom; for he was and that the sight of her, softened by his not yet without apprehension of being again reproaches into tears and affTected contrition, disappointed by some unlucky occurrence. would dispel his resentment, disable his manile did not, however, fail to be punctual hood, and blow the embers of his tbrmer to the hour of his appointment, when the Jew passion to such a rage, as would hurry him told him, there would be no occasion for on to a reconciliation, which would debase visiting the ambassador, because Renaldo had his honour, and ruin his future peace. In a been, the preceding day, recognised by one word,'Ferdinand described the danger that of the clerks, who had been employed as a would attend the meeting in such emphatic purveyor in the imperial army; and who, terms, that the Hungarian started with horror knowing his family, confirmed every thing he at the picture which he drew, and in this had alleged. " After breakfast," continued particular conformed with the admonition of this benevolent Israelite, " I will give you an his friend. order upon my banker for five hundred pounds, One hundred pounds of the Jew's money that you may be enabled to appear at Vienna was immediately appropriated for the payas the son and representative of Count Melvil; ment of his most urgent debts; the like sum and you shall also be furnished with a letter he presented to his friend Fathom, with a of recommendation to a person of some in- solemn promise of sharing with him whatever fluence at that court, whose friendship and good fortune might await him in Germany: countenance may be of some service to your and though Monimia had forfeited all title to suit; for I am now heartily engaged in your his regard, so ill could he bear the prospect interest, in consequence of the fair and un- of her distress, that he entrusted his dear blemished character which I find you have companion with the half of what remained, hitherto maintained." to be expended for her use, fully resolving to The reader must appeal to his own heart, screen her from the shocks and temptations to acquire a just idea of Renaldo's feelings, of want, as the circumstances of his fhture when every tittle of these promises was ful- fate would allow. filled, and the merchant refused to take one Fathom, far from opposing, applauded his farthing by way of premium, contenting him- generosity with marks of extreme wonder self with the slender security of a personal and admiration, assuring him, that she should bond. He was, in truth, overwhelmed with be put in possession of his bounty ilmnethe obligation, and certainly disposed to be- diately after his departure, he being unwilling lieve that his benefactor was something more to make her acquainted with her good forthan human. As for Fathom his sentiments tune before that period, lest, finding his aftook a different turn; and he scrupled not to fairs in a fair way of being retrieved, she 40* 476 SMOLLETT'S SELECT WVORKS. should be base enough to worship his return- patience on a monument smiling at grief. ing prosperity, and, by false professions and After having paid the compliment of the artful blandishments, seek to ensnare his morning, Fathom begged pardon for having heart anew. omitted to visit her during three days, in which, he said, his time had been wholly engrossed in procuring a proper equipage for CHAPTER XLVITI. Count Melvil, who had at last bid an eternal adieu to the island of Great Britain. Count Fathom unmasks his battery; is re- At this information the hapless Monimia pulsed; and varies his operations without fell back in her chair, and continued some efect. minutes in a swoon; from which being recovered,-" Excuse me, Mr Fathom," cried EVERY necessary preparation being made, she, with a deep sigh, " this, I hope, is the Renaldo, accompanied by our adventurer, last agony I shall feel from my unhappy took the road to Dover, where he embarked passion." Then wiping the tears from her in a packet-boat for Calais, after having set- lovely eyes, she retrieved her tranquillity, tled a correspondence with his dear Ferdi- and desired to know by what means Renaldo nand, from whom he did not part without had been enabled to undertake his journey tears. He had before solicited him to be his into the empire. Our hero, upon this occafellow-traveller, that he might personally sion, assumed the whole merit of having proenjoy the benefit of his conversation and moted the interest of his friend, by giving superior sagacity; but these entreaties he her to understand, that he, in consequence strenuously opposed, on pretence of his being of an unforeseen windfall, had defrayed the determined to push his fortune in England, expense of the count's equipment; though he which he considered as his native country, observed, that it was not without reluctance and as the land in which (of all others) a he saw Renaldo make a wrong use of his man of merit has the best encouragement. friendship. Such were the reasons he alleged for refusing "Although I am happy," proceeded this to attend his benefactor, who was himself artful traitor, " in being able to discharge my eagerly desirous of attaining a settlement in obligations to the house of Melvil, I could not the island of Great Britain; but our hero's help feeling the most sensible chagrin, when real motives for staying were of a very differ- I saw my assistance rendered subservient to ent complexion. The reader is already in- the triumphs of the youth's baseness and informed of his aim upon the fair orphan, fidelity; for he chose, as the companion of which, at present, was the chief spring of his his travels, the abandoned woman for whom he conduct; he may also recollect such passages had forsaken the all-perfect Monimia, whose of his life, as were sufficient to deter him virtue and accomplishments did not preserve from re-appearing at Presburg or Vienna; her sacred from his ungrateful sarcasms but, besides these reflections, he was detained and unmannerly ridicule. Believe me, ma. by a full persuasion that Renaldo would sink dam, I was so shocked at his conversation on under the power and influence of his an- that subject, and so much incensed at his want tagonist, consequently be rendered incapable of delicacy, that my temper was scarce suffito provide for his friends; and that he him- cient for the ceremony of parting; and, now self, fraught with wiles and experience as he that my debt to his family is overpaid, I have was, could not fail to make himself amends solemnly renounced his correspondence." for what he had suffered among a people When she heard that, instead of betraying equally rich and unthinking. the least symptom of regret or compassion Melvil, having embraced our adventurer, for her unhappy fate, the perfidious youth had and with a deep sigh bid him take care of exulted over her fall, and even made her a the unfortunate Monimia, committed himself subject for his mirth, the blood revisited hel to the sea, and, by the assistance of a favour- faded cheeks, and resentment restored to her able gale, was, in a few hours, safely landed eyes that poignancy which sorrow had before on the French shore; while Fathom took overcome. Yet she scorned to give speech post-horses for London, where he arrived that to her indignation; but, forcing a smile,same night, and next day, in the forenoon, " Why should I repine," said she, " at the went to visit the beauteous mourner, who had mortification of a life which I despise, and as yet received no intimation of Renaldo's from which, I hope, Heaven will speedily set departure or design. He found her in the me free!" attitude of writing a letter to her inconstant Fathom, fired by her emotion, which had lover, the contents of which the reader will recalled all the graces of her beauty, exbe acquainted with in due time. Her coun- claimed in a rapture,-" Talk not so contenance, notwithstanding the veil of melan- ternptuously of this life, which hath still a choly by which it was overcast, seemed fund of happiness in store for the amiable, the altogether serene and composed: she was divine Monimia. Though one admirer hath the picture of pious resignation, and sat like proved an apostate to his vows, your candour ADVENTURES OF FERDINAND COUNT FATHOM. 477 will not suffer you to condemn the whole conversion, took an opportunity of bribing sex. Some there are, whose bosoms glow her with some inconsiderable presents, after with passion equally pure, unalterable, and having amused her with a plausible tale of intense. For my own part, I have sacrificed his passion for Monimia, with whom she to a rigid punctilio of honour the dearest undertook the office of his mediatrix, on the ideas of my heart. I beheld your unrivalled supposition that his intentions were honouracharms, and deeply felt their power: yet, ble, and highly advantageous to her lodger. while a possibility of Melvil's reformation She was, first of all, invested with the remained, and while I was restrained by my office of obtaining pardon for the offence he niggard fortune from making a tender worthy had given; and in this negotiation she sucof your acceptance, I combated with my ceeded so well as to become an advocate for inclinations, and bore without repining the his suit: accordingly, she took all occasions pangs of hopeless love. But, now that my of magnifying his praise. His agreeable honour is disengaged, and my fortune ren- person was often the subject of her discourse dered independent, by the last will of a worthy to the fair mourner: her admiration dwelt nobleman, whose friendship I was favoured upon his politeness, good sense, and winning with in France, I presume to lay myself at deportment: and she every day retailed little the feet of the adorable Monimia, as the stories of his benevolence and greatness of most faithful of admirers, whose happiness soul. The defect in his birth she represented or misery wholly depends upon her nod. as a circumstance altogether foreign from the Believe me, madam, these are not- the pro- consideration of his merit; especially in a fessions of idle gallantry-I speak the genu- nation where such distinctions are as little ine, though imperfect language of my heart: respected as they will be in a future state. words, even the most pathetic, cannot do She mentioned several persons of note, who justice to my love. I gaze upon your beauty basked in the sunshine of power and fortune, with ravishment; but I contemplate the graces without having enjoyed the least hereditary of your soul with such awful veneration, that assistance from their forefathers. One, she I tremble while I approach you, as if my said, sprung from the loins of an obscure vows were addressed to some superior being." attorney, another was the grandson of a valetDuring this declaration, which was pro-. de-chambre, a third was the issue of an acnounced in the most emphatic manner, Mo- countant, and a fourth the offspring of a nirnia was successively agitated with shame, woollen-draper: all these were the children anger, and grief; nevertheless, she summoned of their own good works, and had raised her whole philosophy to her aid, and with a themselves upon their personal virtues and tranquil, though determined air, begged he address; a foundation certainly more solid would not diminish the obligations he had and honourable than a vague inheritance already conferred, by disturbing with such derived from ancestors, in whose deserts they unseasonable addresses a poor unhappy maid, could not be supposed to have borne the least who had detached all her thoughts from share. earthly objects, and waited impatiently for Monimia listened to all these arguments that dissolution which alone could put a with great patience and affability, though she period to her misfortunes. at once dived into the source from which all Fathom, imagining that these were no such insinuations flowed: she joined in the other than the suggestions of a temporary commendations of Fathom, and owned herdisappointment and despondence, which it: self a particular instance of that benevolence was his business to oppose with all his elo - which the old lady had so justly extolled; but, quence and art, renewed his theme with once for all, to prevent the supplication which redoubled ardour, and at last became so im- Madame la Mer was about to make, she soportunate in his desires, that Monimia, pro- lemnly protested, that her heart was altovoked beyond the power of concealing her gether shut against any other earthly engageresentment, said, she was heartily sorry to ment; and that her thoughts were altogether find herself under the necessity of telling employed upon her eternal salvation. him, that, in the midst of her misfortunes, The assiduous landlady, perceiving the she could not help remembering what she steadiness of her disposition, thought proper had been. Then, rising from her seat, with to alter her method of proceeding, and for all the dignity of displeasure,-" Perhaps," the present suspended that theme by which added she, " you have forgot who was the she found her fair lodger disobliged. Resolved father of the once happy Monimia." to reconcile Monimia to life, before she would With these words she retired into another again recommend Ferdinand to her love, she chamber, leaving our adventurer confounded endeavoured to amuse her imagination, by by the repulse he had sustained. Not that recounting the occasional incidents of the he was discouraged from prosecuting his day, hoping gradually to decoy her attention aim: on the contrary, this rebuff seemed to to those sublunary objects from which it had add fresh vigour to his operations. He now been industriously weaned: she seasoned her thought it high time to bring over Madame la conversation with agreeable sallies; enlarged Mer to his interest; and,. to facilitate her upon the different scenes of pleasure and 478 SMOLLETT'S SELECT WORKS. diversion appertaining to this great metro- drop hints of disapprobation and reproach polis; practised upon her palate with the against this pattern of innocence and beauty; delicacies of eating; endeavoured to shake and at length grew bold enough to tell her, her temperance with repeated proffers and that her misfortunes coulid be attributed to recommendations of certain cordials and re- nothing but her own obstinacy and pride; storatives, which she alleged were necessary that she had been at great pains to disoblige for the recovery of her health; and pressed the only person who was able and willing to her to make little excursions into the fields raise her above dependence; and that, if his that skirt the town, for the benefit of air and protection should be withdrawn, she must exercise. be exposed to the utmost extremity of disWhile this auxiliary plied the disconsolate tress. AIonimia on one hand, Fathom was not remiss These insinuations, instead of producing on the other: he now seemed to have sacri- the desired effect, inflamed the indignation ficed his passion to her quiet; his discourse of Monimia, who, in a most dignified style turned upon more indifferent subjects; he of rebuke, chid her for her indelicacy and endeavoured to dispel her melancholy with presumption, observing, that she could have arguments drawn from philosophy and reli- no title to take such freedoms with lodgers, gion; on some occasions, he displayed all whose punctuality and regular deportment his fund of good humour, with a view to be- left her no room to complain. Notwithstandguile her sorrow; he importuned her to give ing this animated reply, she underwent the him the pleasure of squiring her to some most deplorable anguish, when she reflected place of innocent entertainment; and, finally, upon the insolence of this woman, from whose insisted upon her accepting a pecuniary re- barbarity she had no resource; and seeing inforcement to her finances, which he knew no other possibility of redress than that of to be in a most consumptive condition. appealing to the good offices of Fathom, she conquered her reluctance so far as to complain to him of Madame la Mer's incivility. CHAPTER XLIX. Pleased with this application, he gave her to understand, with very little ceremony or MiJonitmia's honour is protected by the inter- preamble, that it wholly depended upon herposition of Heaven. self whether she should continue to be wretched, or be delivered at once from all her cares WVITH that complacency and fortitude which and perplexity; that, notwithstanding the were peculiar to herself, this hapless stranger disdain with which she had treated his adresisted all those artful temptations. Her dresses, he was still ready to lay himself and sustenance was barely such as exempted her his fortune at her feet; and that, if she should from the guilt of being accessory to her own again reject the disinterested proposal, the death; her drink was the simple element; whole world and her own conscience would she encouraged no discourse but that which charge upon herself whatever calamities she turned upon the concerns of her immortal might be subjected to in the sequel. Interpart; she never went abroad except in visits preting into a favourable hesitation her to a French chapel in the neighbourhood; she silence, which was the result of wrath and refused the proffered assistance of our ad- amazement, he proceeded to throw himself venturer with equal obstinacy and politeness; at her feet, and utter a romantic rhapsody; and with pleasure saw herself wasting to- in the course of which, laying aside all that wards that period of mortality which was the restraint which he had hitherto preserved, consummation of her wish. Yet her charms, he seized her delicate hand, and pressed it far from melting away with her constitution, to his lips; nay, so far did he forget himself seemed to triumph over the decays of nature: on this occasion, that he caught the fair her shape and features still retained that har- creature in his arms, and rudely ravished a nmony for which they had always been distin- kiss front those lips which he had before conguished: a mixture of majesty and sweetness templated with the most distant reverence diffused itself in her looks, and her feebleness of desire. added to that soft and feminine grace which Having thus broken down the fences of attracts the sympathy, and engages the pro- decorum, and being heated with transport, tection, of every humane beholder. The he, in all probability, would have acted the associates, thus baffled in their attempts to part of young Tarquin, and violated by force excite her ideas of pleasure, again shifted that sacred shrine of honour, beauty, anid their plan, and resolved to attack this forlorn unblemished truth, had not the wrath kindled beauty on the side of fear and mortification. by such an unexpected outrage inspired her Our adventurer became less frequent in with strength and spirits sufficient to protect his visits, and more indifferent in his lan- her virtue, and intimidate the ruffian who guage and deportment; while Madame la Mer could offer violence to such perfection. She gradually relaxed in that complacency and broke from his detested embrace with surrespect with which she had hitherto behaved prising agility, and called aloud to her landtowards her fair lodger. She even began to lady for assistance; but that discreet matron ADVENTURES OF FERDINAND COUNT FATHOM. 479 was resolved to hear nothing; and Fathom's tion, by which she had never before seen appetite being whetted to a most brutal de- him possessed, she endeavoured to dissuade gree of eagerness,-" Madam," said he, "all Monimia from her purpose, by observing, opposition is in vain: what you have refused that her health would be prejudiced by the to my entreaties, you shall yield to my power; cold morning air; but finding her deterrmined, and I am determined to force you to your she insisted upon accompanying her to chapel, own advantage." on pretence of respect, though, in reality, So saying, he sprung towards her, with with a view to prevent the escape of her the most savage and impious intent, when beauteous lodg-er. Thus attended, the hapthis amiable heroine snatching up his sword, less mourner entered the place, and, accordwhich lay upon a by-table, and unsheathing ing to the laudable hospitality of England, it instantaneously, presented the point to his which is the only country in Christendom breast, and, while her eyes glanced with where a stranger is not made welcome to intolerable keenness,-" Villain!" cried she, the house of God, this amiable creature, " the spirit of my father animates my bosom, emaciated and enfeebled as she was, must and the vengeance of Heaven shall not be have stood in a common passage during the frustrated." He was not so much affected whole service, had not she been perceived by his bodily danger, as awe-struck at the by a humane gentlewoman, who, struck with manner of her address, and the appearance her beauty and dignified air, and melted with of her aspect, which seemed to shine with sympathy at the ineffable sorrow which was something supernatural, and actually dis- visible in her countenance, opened the pew ordered his whole faculties, insomuch that in which she sat, and accommodated Monihe retreated without attempting to make the mia and her attendant. If she was captileast reply; and she, having secured the door vated by her first appearance, she was not after his departure, sat down to ponder upon less affected by the deportment of her fair this shocking event. guest, which was the pattern of genuine Words are wanting to describe the accu- devotion. mulated horrors that took possession of her In a word, this good lady, who was a mermind, when she thus beheld all her presaging chant's widow in opulent circumstances, was fears realized, and found herself at the mercy inflamed with a longing desire to know and of two wretches, who had now pulled off the befriend the amiable stranger, who, after mask, after having lost all sentiments of service, turning about to thank her for her humanity. Common affliction was an agree- civility, Madam Clement, with that frankness able revery to what she suffered, deprived which is the result of true benevolence, told of her parents, exiled from her friends and her, she was too much prepossessed in her country, reduced to the brink of wanting the favour to let slip this opportunity of craving most indispensable necessaries of life, in a her acquaintance, and of expressing her inforeign land, where she knew not one person clination to alleviate (if possible) that afflicto whose protection she could have recourse, tion which was manifest in her looks. from the inexpressible woes that environed Monimia, overwhelmed with gratitude and her: she complained to Heaven that her life surprise at this unexpected address, gazed was protracted, for the augmentation of that upon the lady in silence, and when she remisery which was already too severe to be peated her tenders of service, could make no endured; for she shuddered at the prospect other reply to her goodness, than by burstof being utterly abandoned in the last stage ing into a flood of tears: this was a species of mortality, without one friend to close her of eloquence which did not pass unregarded eyes, or do the last offices of humanity to by Madam Clement, who, while her own her breathless corse. These were dreadful eyes were bedewed with the drops of symreflections to a young lady who had been pathy and compassion, took the lovely orphan born to affluence and splendour, trained up by the hand, and led her, without further in all the elegance of education, by nature ceremony, to her own coach, that stood waitfraught with that sensibility which refines ing at the door, whither they were followed the sentiments and taste, and so tenderly by Mrs la Mer, who was so much confounded cherished by her indulgent parents, that they at the adventure, that she made no objections suffered not the winds of Heaven to visit to the proposal of the lady, who handel her her ace too Croubghly. lodger into the carriage; but retired with all HIaving; passed the night in such agony, possible dispatch, to make Fathom acquainted she rose at daybreak, and, hettring the chapel with this unforeseen event. bell toll for morning prayers, resolved to go Meanwhile, the agitation of Monimia at to this place of worship, in order to implore this providential deliverance was such as had the assistance of Heaven: she no sooner well nigh destroyed her tender frame. The opened her chamber door with this intent, blood flushed and forsook her cheeks by than she was met by Madame la Mer, who, turns; she trembled from head to foot, notafter having professed her concern for what withstanding the consolatory assurances of had happened over night, and imputed Mr Madam Clement; and, without being able to Fathom's rudeness to the spirit of intoxica- utter one word, was conducted to the house 480 SMOLLETT'S SELECT WORKS. of that kind benefactress, where the violence upon by her fair lodger, who by this time had of her transports overpowered her constitu- given too convincing a proof of her sincerity tion, and she sunk down upon a couch in a nevertheless, in order to prevent any dispute swoon, from which she was not easily re- that might be prejudicial to the health or covered. This affecting circumstance aug- recovery of Monimia, she gave him to undermented the pity, and interested the curiosity stand, that she would not at present enter of Madam Clement, who concluded there was upon the merits of the cause, but only assure something very extraordinary in the case of him, that the young lady was actually bereft the stranger to produce these agonies, and of her senses, and in imminent danger of her grew impatient to hear the particulars of her life; for the truth of which assertions she story. would appeal to his own observation, and the Monimia no sooner retrieved the use of opinion of the physician, who was then eraher faculties, than looking around, and ob- ployed in writing a prescription for the cure serving with what humane concern her new of her disease. hostess was employed in effecting her re- So saying, she conducted him into the covery,-" Is this," said she, " a flattering chamber, where he beheld the hapless virgin illusion of the brain? or am I really under the stretched upon a sick-bed, panting under the protection of some beneficent being, whom violence of a distemper too mighty for her Heaven hath inspired with generosity to weakly frame, her hair dishevelled, and disrescue a hapless stranger from the most composure in her looks; all the roses of hei forlorn state of misery and woe 3" Her voice youth were faded, yet all the graces of her was at all times ravishingly sweet; and this beauty were not fled; she retained that sweetexclamation was pronounced with such pa- ness and symmetry, which death itself could thetic fervour, that Madam Clement clasped. not destroy; and though her discourse was her in her arms, and, kissing her with all the incoherent, her voice was still musical, reeagerness of maternal affection,-" Yes," semblingthose feathered songsters who war. cried she, " fair creature, Heaven hath be- ble their native wild-notes wild. stowed upon me a heart to compassionate, Fathom, as upon all other occasions, so on and power, I hope, to lighten the burden of this, did behave like an inimitable actor; he your sorrows." ran to the bed-side with all the trepidation She then prevailed upon her to take some of a distracted lover: he fell'upon his knees, nourishment and afterwards to recount the and, while the tears rolled down his cheels, particulars of her fate; a task she performed imprinted a thousand kisses on the soft hand with such accuracy and candour, that Madam of Monimia, who, regarding him with a lackClement; far from suspecting her sincerity, lustre and undistinguishing eye,-" Alas, saw truth and conviction in every circum- Renaldo," said she, " we were born to be stance of her tale; and having condoled her unhappy." "Would to Heaven!" cried Fermisfortunes, entreated her to forget them, or dinand, in a transport of grief, "the wretch at least look upon herself as one sheltered Renaldo had never been born! that is the under the care and tuition of a person whose villain who seduced the affection of this unstudy it would be to supply her want of na- fortunate woman. I admitted the traitor into tural parents. This would have been a happy my friendship and confidence, relieved him vicissitude of fortune, had it not arrived too in his necessities, and, like the ungrateful late; but such a sudden unlooked-for transi- viper, he hath stung the very bosom that tion not only disordered the faculties of poor cherished him in his distress." Then he Monimia's mind, but also overpowered the proceeded to inform Madam Clement how he organs of her body, already fatigued and en- had delivered that same Renaldo from prison, feebled by the distresses she had undergone; maintained him afterwards at a great exso that she was taken ill of a fever that same pense, and at length furnished him with a night, and became delirious before morning, sum of money and proper credentials to sups when a physician was called to her assist- port his interest at the court of Vienna. ance. Having finished this detail, he asked the While this gentleman was in the house, physician's sentiments of his wife's distemMadam Clement was visited by Fathom, who, per; and, being told that her life was in exafter having complained, in the most insin- treme jeopardy, begged he would use his uating manner, that.she had encouraged his utmost endeavours in her behalf, and even wife to abandon her duty, told her a plausible made him a tender of an extraordinary fee, story of his first acquaintance with Monimia, which was refused: he also thanked Madam and his marriage at the Fleet, which, he said, Clement for her charity and benevolence tohe was ready to prove by the evidence of the wards a stranger, and: took his leave with clergyman who joined them, and that of Mrs many polite professions of gratitude and e>la Mer, who was present at the ceremony. teem. He had no sooner quitted the house, The good lady, although a little staggered at ithan the physician, who was a humane mar. the genteel appearance and engaging address and a foreigner, began to caution the lady of this stranger, could not prevail upon her- against his insinuations, observing, that som6'if to believe that she had been imposed circumstances of the story concerning Ret ADVENTURES OF FERDINAND COUNT FATHOM. 481 naldo were, to his particular knowledge, con- soul of that wretch have been, who, without trary to truth; for that he himself had been a symptom of remorse or concern, saw the applied to for letters of recommendation in sable hearse adorned with white plumes, as behalf of Count Melvil, by a Jew merchant emblems of Monimia's purity, pass before of his acquaintance, who had supplied the him, while her incomparable merit stood full young gentleman with money sufficient for in his remembrance, and he knew himself the his occasions, in consequence of a minute wicked cause of her untimely fate! inquiry he had made into the character of Perfidious wretch! thy crimes turn out so Renaldo, who was, by all reports, a youth of atrocious, that I half repent me of having strict honour and untainted morals. undertaken to record thy memoirs; yet such Madam Clement, thus cautioned, entered monsters ought to be exhibited to public view, into deliberation with her own thoughts, and that mankind may be upon their guard against comparing the particulars of this account imposture; that the world may see how fraud with those of Monimia's own story, she con- is apt to overshoot itself; and that as virtue, cluded that Fathom was the very traitor he though it may suffer for a while, will triumph himself had described; and that he had, by in the end, so iniquity, though it may prosper abusing the confidence of both, effected a for a season, will at last be overtaken by that fatal breach between two innocent and de- punishment and disgrace which are its due. serving lovers. She accordingly looked upon him with horror and detestation; but nevertheless resolved to treat him with civility in the mean time, that the poor young lady might not be disturbed in her last moments; for she had now lost all hopes of her recovery. Fathom shifts the scene, and appears in a Yet the fever abated, and in two days she new character. retrieved the use of her reason; though the distemper had affected her lungs, and she was FATHOM'S expectations with respect to the in all appearance doomed to linger a few fair orphan having thus proved abortive, he weeks longer in a consumption. lost no time in bewailing his miscarriage, Fathom was punctual in his visitation, but had immediate recourse to other meanr) though never admitted into her presence after of improving his small fortune, which at tnis the delirium vanished; and he had the op- period amounted to near two hundred pounds. portunity of seeing her conveyed in a chariot Whatever inclination he had to resume the to Kensington Gravel-pits, a place which character he had formerly borne in the polite may be termed the last stage of many a world, he durst not venture to launch out mortal peregrination. He now implicitly be- again into the expense necessary to maintain lieved that death would in a few days baffle that station, because his former resources all his designs upon the unfortunate Moni- were now stopped, and all the people of mia; and foreseeing that as he had owned fashion by this time convinced of his being himself her husband, he might be obliged to a needy adventurer. Nevertheless, he redefray the expense incurred by her sickness solved to sound the sentiments of his old and burial, he very prudently intermitted in friends at a distance, and judge, from the his visits, and had recourse to the intelli- reception he should meet with, how far he gence of his auxiliary. might presume upon their countenance and As for Monimia, she approached the goal favour; for he rightly supposed, that, if he of life, not simply with resignation, but with could in any shape contribute to their interest rapture; she enjoyed in tranquillity the con- or amusement, they would easily forgive his versation of her kind benefactress, who never former pretensions to quality, arrogant as stirred from her apartment; she was blessed they were, and still entertain him on the footwith the spiritual consolation of a worthy ing of a necessary acquaintance. clergyman, who removed all her religious With this view, he one day presented himscruples: and she congratulated herself on self at court in a very gay suit of clothes, the near prospect of that land of peace where and bowed at a distance to many of his old sorrow is not known. fashionable friends of both sexes, not one of At length Mrs la Mer gave notice to our whom favoured him with any other notice adventurer of this amiable young lady's de- than that of a quarter courtesy, or slight cease, and the time fixed for the interment: inclination of the head; for by this time the upon which these two virtuous associates few that remembered him knew from what took possession of a place, from whence they retirement he now emerged, and avoided him could, unperceived, behold the funeral. He accordingly as the jail infection; but the must have a hard heart, who without any greater part of those who had cultivated him emotion of pity, can see the last offices per- in the zenith of his fortune were now utter formed to a young creature cut off in the strangers to his person, which they had acflower of youth and beauty, even though he tually forgot, amidst the succession of novelknows not her name, and is an utter stranger ties that surrounded them: or, if they did to her virtues. How callous, then, must the recollect his name, it was remembered as an 3L 482 SMOLLETT'S SELECT WORIKS. old fashion, which had been many months out and murder every living creature in their of date. way. In this, however, they differ from the Notwithstanding these mortifying dis- gamesters of our country, who never find couragements, our hero, that same evening, their senses, until they have lost their foreffected a lodg'ement in a certain gaming- tunes, and beggared their families; whereas house not far from St Jamnes's; and as he the Malays never run a muck, but in conseplayed pretty high, and made a parade of his quence of misery and despair. ready money, he was soon recognised by Such are the amusements, or rather sucli divers persons of consequence, who cordially is the continual employment of those hopewelcomed him to England, on pretence of ful youths who are destined by birth to be believing he had been abroad, and with great the judges of our property, and pillars of our complacency repeated their former profess- constitution: such are the heirs and repreions of friendship. Thoug'h this was a cer- sentatives of those patriots who planned, and tain way of retaining the favour of those those heroes who maintained, the laws and worthies, while his finances continued to freedom of their country; who were the paflourish, and his payments were prompt, he trons of merit, the fathers of the poor, the knew the weakness of his funds too well, to terror of vice and immorality, and at once think they could bear the vicissitudes of the ornaments and support of a happy nation. play; and the remembrance of the two British Our adventurer considered all these cirknights who had spoiled him at Paris, hung cumstances with his wonted sagacity, and, over his imnagination with the most frightful seeing upon what precarious footing he must presages: besides, he perceived that gaming stand, should he rank himself with such was now managed in such a manner, as ren- society, he wisely came to the resolution of dered skill and dexterity of no advantage; descending one step in the degrees of life, for the spirit of play having overspread the and of taking upon him the title of physician, land, lilke a pestilence, raged to such a degree under which he did not despair of insinuating of madness and desperation, that the unhappy himself into the pockets of his patients, and people who were infected, laid aside all into the secrets of private families, so as to thoughts of amusement, economy, or caution, acquire a comfortable share of practice, or and risked their fortunes upon issues equally captivate the heart of some heiress or rich extravagant, childish, and absurd. widow, whose fortune would at once render The whole mystery of the art was reduced him independent and happy. to the simple exercise of tossing up a guinea, After this determination, his next care was and the lust of layin( wagers, which they to concert measures for his first appearance indulged to a surprising pitch of ridiculous in this new character; well knowing that intemperance. In one corner of the room the success of a physician, in a great meamight be heard a pair of lordlings running sure, depends upon the external equipage in their grandmothers against each other, that which he first declares himself an adept in is, betting sums on the longest liver; in ano- the healing art. He first of all procured a ther, the success of the wager depended upon few books on the subject of medicine, which the sex of the landlady's next child; and one he studied with great attention during the of the waiters happening to drop down in an remaining part of the winter and spring, and apoplectic fit, a certain noble peer exclaim- repaired to Tunbridge with the first of the ed,-" Dead, for a thousand pounds." The season, where he appeared in the uniform of c*hallenge was immediately accepted, and YEsculapius, namely, aplain suit, fulltrimmed, wIThen the master of the house sent for a sur- with a voluminous tie-periwig; believing, geon to attempt a cure, the nobleman who that, in this place, he might glide, as it were, set the price upon the patient's head, insisted imperceptibly into the functions of his new upon Ilis being left to the efforts of nature employment, and gradually accustom himself alone, otherwise the wager should be void: to the method and form of prescription. nay, when the landlord harped upon the loss A man so well known in the gay world he should sustain by the death of a trusty could not be supposed to effect such a trans. servant, his lordship obviated the objection, formation without being observed; and thereblv desiring that the fellow might be charged fore, in order to anticipate the censure and in the bill. ridicule of those who might be tempted to In short, the rage of gaming seemed to make themselves merry at his expense, he, ]ave devoured all their other faculties, and on his arrival at the wells, repaired to the to have equalled the rash enthusiasm of the shop of an apothecary, and calling for pen, inhabitants of Malacca, in the East Indies, ink, and paper, wrote a prescription, which who are so possessed with that pernicious he desired might be immediately made up. spirit, that they sacrifice to it not only their While this was doing by the servant, he was ibrtunes, but also their wives and children; invited into a parlour by the master, with and then letting their hair down upon their whom he entered into conversation touching shoulders, in imitation of the ancient Lace- the properties of the Tunbridge water, which demonians when they devoted themselves to seemed to have been his particular study; death, those wretches unsheath their daggers, I and indeed he had perused Rouzee's treati;s ADVENTURES OF FERDINAND COUNT FATHOM. 483 on that subject with indefatigable assiduity. would be granted by their apprehension, From this theme, he made digressions into Here, however, he happened to be mistaken. other parts of medicine, upon which he spoke The young lady being seized with a violent with such plausible elocution, that the apothe- headach and palpitation, her mother desired cary, whose knowledge in that art was not the apothecary to recommend a physician; very profound, looked upon him as a physi- and the person with whom he was contracted cian of great learning and experience, and being at that time absent, he proposed Doctor hinted a desire of knowing his name and Fathom as a man of great ability and discresituation. tion; but the good lady rejected the proposal Fathom accordingly gave him to under- with disdain, because she had formerly known stand, that he had studied physic, and had him in the character of a count-though that taken his degrees at Padua, rather for his very character was the chief reason that had amusement, than with any view of exercising then induced her to crave his advice. medicine, as he then could not possibly fore- Such is the caprice of the world in general, see the misfortunes which had since hap- that whatever bears the face of novelty cappened to his family, and by which he was tivates, or rather bewitches, the imaginanow compelled to have recourse to a profess- tion, and. confounds the ideas of reason and ion that was very much beneath the expecta- common sense. If, for example, a scullion, tions of his birth. Yet he bore his disap- from the clinking of pewter, shall conceive pointments with resignation, and even good a taste for the clinking of rhyme, and make humour, and blessed his stars for having shift to bring together twenty syllables, so inclined him to the study of any branch of as that the tenth and last shall have the like knowledge by which he might be enabled to ending, the composition is immediately ex laugh at the vicissitudes of fortune. He then tolled as a miracle; and what appeals to the observed, that he had practised with some admiration is not the wit, the elegance, or applause at the hot well near Bristol, before poetry of the work, but the uncultivated talent he thought he should be ever reduced to the and humble station of the author. A reader necessity of taking a fee; and that, in all does not exclaim,-" What a delicate sentiprobability, his metamorphosis, when known, ment! what a beautiful simile! what easy would furnish matter of surprise and merri- and musical versification!"-but cries in ment to some of his old acquaintance. rapture,-" Heavens! what a prodigy! a The apothecary was equally struck with poet from the scullery! a muse in livery! his polite address, and pleased with his agree- or, Apollo with a trowel!" The public is able discourse: he consoled him for the mis- astonished into liberality-the scullion eats fbrtunes of his family, by assuring him, that from those trenchers he scoured beforein England nothing could be more honourable, the footman is admitted into the coach be. or indeed profitable, than the character of a hind which he was wont to stand-and the physician, provided he could once wriggle bricklayer, instead of plastering walls, be-; himself into practice; and insinuated, that, daubs his illustrious patron with the mortar although he was restricted by certain engage- of his praise. Thus lifted into a higher ments with other persons of the faculty, he sphere, their talents receive cultivation; they should be glad of an opportunity to show his become professed bards; and though their regard for Doctor Fathom. This was a very subsequent works bear evident marks of imeffectual method which our hero took to provement, they are neglected among the intimate his new character to the public. rest of their brethren, because that novelty By the industry and communicative disposi- which recommended them in the beginning tion of the apothecary, it was circulated in no longer remains. half a day through every family in the place; So it fared with our adventurer in his new and, next morning, when Ferdinand appear- occupation. There was something so exed, the company forthwith assembled in se- traordinary in a nobleman's understanding parate groups, and from each knot he heard medicine, and so uncommon in a physician's his name reverberated in a whisper. prescribing gratis, that the curiosity and Having thus announced himself to all admiration of the company at Bristol were whom it might concern, and allowed the la- engaged, and they followed his advice, as dies two days to discuss the merit of his the direction of some supernatural intellitransfiguration, together with the novelty of gence: but, now that he professed himself the case, he ventured to salute, at a distance, one of the faculty, and might be supposed to a lady and her daughter, who had been his have- refreshed his memory, and reinforced patients at the hot well; and although they his knowledge for the occasion, he was as honoured his bow with the return of a slight much overlooked as any other physician uncourtesy, they gave him not the least encou- supported by interest or cabal; or, at least, ragement to make a nearer approach. Not- the notice he attracted was not at all to the withstanding this rebuff, he concluded, that advantage of his character, because it wholly should the health of either come in question, regarded the decline of his fortune, which is they would renew their application to his a never-failing fund of disgrace. skill, and what was refused by their pride, These mortifications did not overcome the 41 484 SMOLLETT'S SELECT WORKS. patience and perseverance of Fathom, who shape of a physician. For, as people had foresaw, that the soothing hand of time would formerly wondered to see a count skilled in cast aveil of oblivion over those scenes which medicine, they were now amazed to find a were remembered to his prejudice; and that, physician such a master in music. in the mean time, though he was excluded The good effects of this stratagem were from the private parties of the fair sex, in almost instantaneous. His performance bewhich his main hope of success was placed, came the topic of discourse among all the fashhe should be able to insinuate himself into ionable company: his male friends complisome degree of favour and practice among mented him from the information of the other the male patients; and some lucky cure, pro- sex; and that lady whom he had regaled, inperly displayed, might be the means of pro- stead of that shyness and disdain with which pagating his fame, and banishing that reserve she used to receive his salutation, at their very which at present interfered with his purpose. next meeting in the thoroughfare, returned Accordingly, it was not long before he found his bow with marks of profound respect. means to break that spell of universal preju- Nay, at midnight, she, with the rest, took dice that hedged him in. At the ordinary post in the same place where they had been which he frequented, his polite carriage, stationed before; and, by frequent tittering facetious remarks, and agreeable stories, and repeated whispers, gave intimation to soon conciliated the regard of his fellow- Fathom, that they would be glad of a second guests, among whom he sometimes rallied serenade. But he was too well acquainted his own transformation with singular good with the human passions to indulge this their humour and success: he was even witty upon desire; it was his interest to inflame their his want of employment, and used to observe, impatience, rather than to gratify their exthat a physician without practice had one pectation; and therefore he tantalized them comfort to which his brethren were stran- for some hours, by tuning his violin, and gers, namely, that the seldomer he had occa- playing some flourishes, which, however, sion to prescribe, the less he had upon his produced nothing to fulfil their wishes. conscience, on account of being accessory At the ordinary, he was accosted by a to the death of his fellow-creatures. gentleman, a lodger in the same house, who Nothing so effectually: blunts the shafts of assured him, that the ladies would take it as ridicule, and defeats the aims of slander, as a great favour if he would let them know this method of anticipation. In spite of the when he intended to amuse himself again arrows that were levelled against his repu- with his instrument, that they might not, by tation from every tea-table at Tunbridge, he falling asleep beforehand, deprive themselves made his party good among almost all the of the pleasure of hearing his music. To gay young gentlemen that frequented the this message he replied, with an air of conplace: far from avoiding his company, they sequence and reserve, that, though music began to court his conversation, and he was was not the art he professed, he should be commonly seen in the walks surrounded with always complaisant enough to entertain the a group of admirers. ladies to the utmost of his power, when their Having thus paved the way for a total re- commands were signified to him in a manner noval of the invidious prepossession that suited to his character; but that he would obstructed his views, he, one night, while never put himself on the footing of an itineevery person was lulled in the arms of re- rant harper, whose music is tolerated through pose, and universal silence prevailed, tuned the medium of a board partition. The genhfis violin, and began to play some masterly tleman having reported this answer to his airs, in a tone so uncommonly expressive, constituents, they empowered him to invite and with such ravishing dexterity of execu- Doctor Fathom to breakfast, and he was tion, that a certain lady, who lodged in the next morning introduced with the usual ceresame house, being waked by the music, and mony, and treated with uncommon regard ignorant of the source from which it flowed, by all the females of the house, assembled listened with rapture, as to the harp of an for his reception. angel; and wrapping herself in a loose gown, Havingthus broken the ice of their aversion;use and. opened her chamber-door, in order in one part, so as that the beams of his perto, discover in what apartment the musician sonal accomplishments had room to operate, resided. She no sooner entered the passage, he soon effected a general thaw in his favour, than she found her fellow-lodgers already and found himself growing once more into assembled on the same occasion; and there request among the most amiable part of the thley remained during the best part of the creation. Hi-s company was coveted, and night, transported by the harmony which our his taste consulted, in their balls, concerts, hero produced. and private assemblies; and he recompensed Doctor Fathom was immediately known the regard they paid to him with an incessto be the author of this entertainment, and ant exertion of his agreeable talents, politethus retrieved the benefit of that admiration ness, and good humour. which he had forfeited by appearing in the ADVENTURES OF FERDINAND COUNT FATHOM. 485 parted to the abandoned Phyllis, than she CHAPTER LI. was seized with an hysteric fit; and, what rendered the accident more unfortunate, her Triumphs over a medical rival. physician had been called to the country, and was not expected at Tunbridge till next YET, in the midst of all this attention, his day. The apothecary was immediately summedical capacity seemed to be quite forgot. moned; and, being either puzzled by the They respected his good breeding, were symptoms, or afraid of encroaching upon the charmed with his voice, and admired the province of his superiors, advised the old fine touches of his hand upon the violin; but lady to send for Doctor Fathom without in cultivating the fiddler, they utterly neg- delay. She had no other objection to this lected the physician; and in vain did he expedient, but the enmity which she knew attempt to divide their regard, by taking all subsisted between the two leeches: yet, hearopportunities to turn the conversation into a ing that her own doctor would not consult more interesting channel. It was to little with Fathom upon his return, but perhaps purpose he endeavoured to arouse the won- renounce the patient, by which means her der of his audience with frequent descriptions daughter's health might be endangered, she of portentous maladies and amazing cures would not solicit our hero's assistance, until he had seen and performed in the course of the young lady had remained seven hours his study and practice abroad: and to no speechless and insensible; when, her fear effect did he publicly busy himself in making prevailing over every other consideration, experiments on the mineral water, in which she implored the advice of our adventurer, he pretended to have made several new and who, having made the necessary interrogaimportant discoveries. These efforts did tions, and felt the patient's pulse, which was not make alasting impression upon the minds regular and distinct, found reason to con. of the company; because they saw nothing elude, that the fit would not last much longer, surprising in a physician's being acquainted and, after having observed that she was in with all the mysteries of his art; and, as their a very dangerous way, prescribed some mecustom was already bespoken for others of dicines for external application; and, to the profession, whom it was their interest to enhance their opinion of his diligence and employ, our adventurer might have starved humanity, resolved to stay in the room, and in the midst of the caresses of his acquaint- observe their effect. ance, had not he derived considerable advan- His judgment did not fail him on this occatage from a lucky accident in the course of sion. In less than half an hour after his his expectancy. embrocations had been applied, she recovered A gentlewoman's daughter, of a weakly the use of her tongue, opened her eyes, and constitution, by drinking the waters, had so having, in delirious exclamations, upbraided far recovered her health and complexion as her perfidious lover, became quite sensible to allure the affection of a young squire in and composed, though she continued exthe neighbourhood, who amused her for some tremely low and dejected: to remedy these time with his addresses, until his heart was sinkings, certain cordials were immediately seduced by the charms of another young lady administered, according to the prescription; lately arrived at the wells. The forsaken of Doctor Fathom, upon whom extraordinary nymph, shocked at this disgrace and morti- encomiums were bestowed by all present, fication, relapsed into her former languishing who believed he had actually rescued her disorder, and was by her mother put under from the jaws of death; and as he was by the management and prescription of a phy- this time let into the secrets of the family, sician, who had been an industrious enemy he found himself in a fair way of being an of Fathom from his first appearance at Tun- egregious favourite of the old gentlewoman; oridge. The patient, though violently cha- when unluckily his brother, having dismissed grined at the levity of her quondam admirer, his country patient with uncommon dispatch, was not altogether without hope, that the entered the apartment, and eyed his rival very same inconstancy which had prompted with looks of inexpressible rage; then surhim to leave her, might in time induce him veying the patient, and the vials that stood to return, after the novelty of his new passion upon the table, by turns,-" What, in the should be worn off; and this hope served to name of God!" cried he, "is the meaning support her under the sorrow and disgrace of all this trash?" of her disappointment. At length, however, " Really, doctor," replied the mother, a the squire and his new mistress disappeared, little confounded at being thus taken by surand some busy-body was officious enough to prise, "' Biddy has been taken dangerously communicate this piece of news to the for- ill, and lain seven or eight hours in a severe lorn shepherdess, with this additional cir- fit, from which I am confident she would cumstance, that they were gone to a neigh- never have recovered without the help of a bouring parish to be joined in the bands of physician; and, as you were absent, we hlad wedlock. recourse to this gentleman, whose prescri;pThesc fatal tidings were no sooner im- tion hath had a happy and surprising effect." 486 SMOLLETT'S SELECT WORKS. "Effect!" cried this offended member of the est handicraftsmen, claim the exclusive privifaculty, " pshaw! stuff! who made you judge leges of a corporation. Had you doubted my of effects or causes?" Then advancing to ability, you ought to have satisfied yourself ill the patient, " What has been the matter, a manner consistent with decency and canMiss Biddy, that you could not wait till my dour; but your behaviour on this occasion is return?" such a malicious outrage upon good manners Here Fathom interposing, —" Sir," said and humanity, that, were it not for my rehe, " if you will step into the next room, I gard to these ladies, I would chastise you will communicate my sentiments of the case, for your insolence on the spot. Meanwhile, together with the method upon which I have madam," addressing himself to the mother, proceeded, that we may deliberate upon the i" you must give me leave to insist upon your next step that is to be taken." Instead of dismissing either that gentleman or me withcomplying with this proposal, he seated him- out hesitation." self in a chair, with his back to our adven- This peremptory language had an instanturer, and, while he examined Miss Biddy's taneous effect upon the hearers. Looby's pulse, gave him to understand that he should face grew pale, and his nether-lip began to not consult with him about the matter. tremble; the patient was dismayed, and the Fathom, not in the least disconcerted at old gentlewoman concerned and perplexed. this uncivil answer, walked round his anta- She earnestly besought the gentlemen to be gonist, and, placing himself in his front, de- reconciled to each other, and enter into a sired to know his reason for treating him friendly consultation upon her daughter's with such supercilious contempt. "I am distemper; but, finding both equally averse resolved," said the other, "never to consult to accommodation, and Fathom becoming with any physician who has rNot taken his more and more importunate in his demand, degrees at either of the Englishuniversities." she presented him with a double fee; and "Upon the supposition," replied our adven- giving him to understand that Doctor Looby turer, " that no person can be properly edu- had long attended the family, and was inticated for the profession at any other school." mately acquainted with her own and Biddy's " You are in the right," answered Doctor constitutions, said, she hoped he would not Looby, " that is one of many reasons I have take it amiss if she retained her old physician. for declining the consultation." Though our hero was much mortified at "' How far you are in the right," retorted this triumph of his rival, he made a virtue of Fathom, " I leave the world to judge, after necessity, and retired with great complaiI have observed, that, in your English uni- sance, wishing that Miss Biddy might never versities, there is no opportunity of studying again be the subject of such a disagreeable the art; no, not so much as a lecture given dispute. Whether the patient was frightened on the subject: nor is there one physician of at this altercation, or displeased with her note in this kingdom who has not derived mother's decision against an agreeable young the greatest part of his medical knowledge fellow, who had, as it were, recalled her from the instructions of foreigners." from the grave, and made himself master of Looby, incensed at this asseveration, which the secret that rankled at her heart, or the he was not prepared to refute, exclaimed, in disease had wound up her nerves for another a most infuriate accent,-" Who are you? paroxysm, certain it is, she all of a sudden whence come you where were you bred3 broke forth into a violent peal of laughter, You are one of those, I believe, who graduate which was succeeded by the most doleful themselves, and commence doctors, the Lord cries, and other expressions of grief; then knows how; an interloper, who, without she relapsed into a fit, attended with strong license or authority, comes hither to take the convulsions, to the unspeakable terror of the bread out of the mouths of gentlemen who old gentlewoman, who entreated Doctor have been trained to the business in a regular Looby to be expeditious in his prescription: manner, and bestowed great pains and ex- accordingly, he seized the pen with great pense to qualify themselves for the profession: confidence, and a whole magazine of antifor my own part, my education cost me fif- hysteric medicines were, in different forms, teen hundred pounds." externally and internally applied. " Never was money laid out to less pur- Nevertheless, either nature was disturbed pose," said Ferdinand, " for it does not ap- in her own efforts by these applications, or pear that you have learned so much as the the patient was resolved to disgrace the docbasis of medical acquirements, namely, that tor; for the more remedies that were admidecorum and urbanity which ought to dis- nistered, her convulsions became the more tinguish the deportment of every physician: violent; and, in spite of all his endeavours, you have even debased the noblest and most he could not overcome the obstinacy of the beneficial art that ever engaged the study of distemper. Such a miscarriage, upon the mankind, which cannot be too much culti- back of his rival's success, could not fail to vated, and too little restrained, in seeking to overwhelm him with confusion, especially as limit the practice of it to a set of narrow- the mother baited him with repeated entreaminded, illiberal wretches, who, like the low- ties to do something for the recovery of her ADVENTURES OF FERDINAND COUNT FATHOM. 487 daughter; at length, after having exercised fit having almost run its career, Miss Biddy her patience in vain for several hours, this was on the point of retrieving her senses, affectionate parent could no longer suppress when the frontal prescribed by Fathom was the suggestions of her concern, but, in an applied; to the efficacy of this, therefore, incoherent strain, told him that her duty was ascribed her recovery, when she opened would not suffer her to be longer silent il an her eyes, and began to pour forth unconnected affair on which depended the life of her dear ejaculations; and, in a few moments after, child; that she had seen enough to believe she was persuaded to swallow a draught prehe had mistaken the case of poor Biddy, and pared for the purpose; her perception rehe could not justly blame her for recalling turned, and Ferdinand gained the reputation Doctor Fathom, whose prescription had of having performed a second miracle. operated in a miraculous manner. But he was furnished with a piece of inLooby, shocked at this proposal, protested telligence of much more energy than all she against it with great vehemence, as an ex- had taken; and, so soon as he concluded she pedient highly injurious to himself. "My was capable to bear the news without any remedies," said le, " are just beginning to dangerous emotion, he, among other articles take effect, and, in all probability, the fit will of chit-chat culled for her amusement, took not last much longer; so that, by calling in the opportunity of telling the company, that another person at this juncture, you will de- Squire Stub (the cause of Miss Biddy's disfraud me of that credit which is my due, and order) had, in his way to matrimony, been deck my adversary with trophies to which robbed of his bride by a gentleman to whom he has no pretension." She was prevailed she had been formerly engaged. He had upon by this remonstrance to wait another waited for her on purpose at an inn on the half-hour, when, perceiving as yet no altera- road, where he found means to appease her tion fbr the better, and being distracted with displeasure, which he had, it seems, incurred, her fears, which reproached her with want and to supersede her new lover, whom she of natural affection, she sent a message to quitted without ceremony; upon which the Doctor Fathom, desiring to see him with all squire had returned to Tunbridge, cursing possible dispatch. her levity, yet blessing his good stars for He was not slow in obeying the call, but, having so seasonably prevented his ruin, hastening to the scene of action, was not a which would have infallibly been the conselittle surprised to find Looby still in the apart- quence of his marrying such an adventurer. ment. This gentleman, since better might It would be superfluous to observe that not be, resolved to sacrifice his pride to his these tidings operated like an admirable interest, and, rather than lose his patient specific on the spirits of the young lady, who, altogether, and run the risk of forfeiting his while she affected to pity the squire, was so reputation at the same time, staid with in- much overjoyed at his disappointment, that tention to compromise his difference with her eyes began to sparkle with uncommon Fathom, that he might not be wholly excluded vivacity, and, in less than two hours after from the honour of the cure, in case it could the last of those terrible attacks, she was be effected; but he had reckoned without his restored to a better state of health than she host in his calculation of the count's placa- had enjoyed for many weeks. Fathom was bility; for, when he put on his capitulating not forgot amidst the rejoicings of the family: face, and, after a slight apology for his late besides a handsome gratuity for the effects behaviour, proposed that all animosity should of his extraordinary skill, the old lady favoLred subside in favour of the young lady, whose him with a general invitation to her house;,ife was at stake, our hero rejected his ad- and the daughter not only considered him as vances with infinite disdain, and assured the the restorer of her health, and angel of her mother, in a very solemn tone, that, far from good fortune, but also beDan to discover an consulting with a man who had treated him uncommon relish for his conversation: so so unworthily, he would not stay another that he was struck with the prospect of sueminute in the house, unless he should see ceeding Squire Stub in her affection; a conhin discarded; a satisfaction barely sufficient quest which, if sanctioned by the approbation to atone for the affront lie himself had suf- of the mother, would console him fobr all the fered by the unjust preference she had before disappointments he had sustained; for Miss given to his rival. Biddy was entitled to a fortune of ten thouThere was no remedy; Looby was obliged sand pounds, provided she should marry with to retreat in his turn; then our adventurer, the consent of her parent, who was the sole approaching the bed-side, reconnoitred the executrix of the father's will. patient, examined the medicines which had Animated with the hope of such an advanbeen administered, and, lifting up his eyes in tageous match, our adventurer missed no expressive silence; detached the footman opportunity of improving the lodgement he with a new order to the apothecary. It was had made, while the two ladies failed not to well the messenger used expedition, other- extol his medical capacity among all their wise Doctor Fathom would have been anti- female acquaintance. By means of this cipated by the operation of nature; for, the circulation, his advice was demanded in se41' 4s8 SMOLLETT'S SELECT WORKS. veral other cases, which he managed with per explanation, the season being almost such an imposing air of sagacity and impor- ended, the ladies departed from Tunbridge, tance, that his fame began to spread, and, and in a little time Doctor Fathom followed before the end of the season, he had ravished them to London, having previously obtained more than one half of the business from his permission to visit them in that metropolis. competitor. Notwithstanding these fortunate He had solicited the same favour of some events, he foresaw that he should find great other families, in which he hoped to take difficulty in transplanting his reputation, so root, though he knew they were pre-engaged as to take root in London, which was the to different physicians; and resolving to only soil in which he could propose to rise make his first medical appearance in London to any degree of prosperity and independence; with some eclat, he not only purchased an and this reflection was grounded upon a old chariot, which was new painted for the maxim which universally prevails among the purpose, but likewise hired a footman, whom English people, namely, to overlook and he clothed in laced livery, in order to distinwholly neglect, on their return to the me- guish himself from the common run of his tropolis, all the connexions they may have brethren. chanced to acquire during their residence at This equipage, though much more expenany of the medical wells: and this social sive than his finances could bear, he found disposition is so scrupulously maintained, absolutely necessary to give him a chance that two persons who lived in the most inti- for employment; as every shabby retainer to mate correspondence at Bath or Tunbridge physic in this capital, had provided himself shall, in four-and-twenty hours, so totally with a vehicle, which was altogether used forget their friendship, as to meet in St by way of a travelling sign-post, to draw in James's Park, without betraying the least customers; so that a walking physician was token of recognition; so that one would ima- considered as an obscure pedlar, trudging gine those mineral waters were so many from street to street, with his pack of knowstreams issuing from the river Lethe, so famed ledge on his shoulders, and selling his remof old for washing away all traces of memory nants of advice by retail. A chariot was not and recollection. now set up for the convenience of a man Aware of this oblivious principle, Doctor sinking under the fatigue of extensive pracFathom collected all his qualifications, in tice, but as a piece of furniture every way as order to make such an impression upon the necessary as a large periwig with three tails; heart of Miss Biddy, as would resist all her and a physician, let his merit in other respects endeavours to shake him from. her remem- be never so conspicuous, can no more expect brance; and his efforts succeeded so well, to become considerable in business, without that Squire Stub's advances to a reconcilia- the assistance of this implement, than he can tion were treated with manifest indifference. hope to live without food, or breathe without In all probability, our hero would have made a windpipe. a very advantageous campaign, had not his This requisite is so well understood, that, good fortune been retarded by an obstruction, exclusive of those who profess themselves which (as he did not perceive it) he could doctors, every raw surgeon, every idle aponot possibly surmount. In displaying his thecary, who can make interest with some accomplishments to captivate the daughter, fool-hardy coachmaker, may be seen dancing he had unwittingly made an absolute con- the hays in all places of public resort, and quest of the mother, who superintended the grinning to one another from their respective conduct of Miss Biddy with such jealous carriages. Hence proceed many of those vigilance, that lie could find no opportunity cruel accidents which are recorded in the of profiting by the progress he had made in daily papers. An apothecary's horses take her heart; for the careful matron would never fright and run away with his chariot, which lose sight of her, no, not for one moment. is heard of no more: an eminent surgeon Had the old lady given the least intimation being overturned, is so terrified at the thoughts to our adventurer of the sentiments she en- of mutilation, that he resolves to walk on tertained in his behalf, his complaisance was foot all the days of his life; and the coachof such a pliable texture, that he would have man of a physician of great practice, having quitted his other pursuit, and made her the sole the misfortune to be disabled by a fall from object of attention; but she either depended the box, his master can never find another upon the effect of his own good taste and dis- to supply his place. cernment, or was too proud to disclose a None of these observations escaped the passion which he had hitherto overlooked. penetrating eye of Fathom, who, before he pretended to seat himself in this machine, CHAPTER II. had made proper inquiry into all the other methods practised with aview to keep the Repairs to the metropolis, and enrols him- wheels in motion. In his researches, he self among the sons of Paean. found that the great world was wholly engrossed by a few practitioners who had arrived BEA'C RE this affair could be brought to a pro- at the summit of reputation, consequently ADVENTURES OF FERDINAND COUNT FATHOIM. 485 were no longer obliged to cultivate those arts nothing; hoping that by means of some lucky oy which they rose; and that the rest of the cure his fame might be extended, and his business was parcelled out into small inclo- practice grow into request, sures, occupied by different groups of per- In the mean time, his chariot rolled along sonages, male and female, who stood in rings, through all the most frequented streets, durand tossed the ball from one to another, ing the whole forenoon, and, at the usual there being in each department two sets, the hour, he never failed to make his appearance individuals of which relieved one another at the medical coffeehouse, with all that occasionally. Every knot was composed of solemnity of feature and address, by which a waiting-woman, nurse, apothecary, sur- the modern sons of Pcean are distinguished, geon, and physician, and sometimes a mid- not but that he was often puzzled about the wife was admitted into the party; and in this decision of his diurnal route: for the method manner the farce was commonly performed. of driving up one street and down another, A fine lady, fatigued with idleness, com- without halting, was become such a stale plains of the vapours, is deprived of her rest, expedient, that the very'prentices used to though not so sick as to have recourse to stand at the shop-doors, and ridicule the vain medicine; her favourite maid, tired with giv- parade. At length, however, he perused the ing her attendance in the night, thinks pro- map of London with great diligence, and per, for the benefit of her own repose, to having acquired a distinct idea of its topocomplain of a violent headach, and recom- graphy, used to alight at the end of long mends to her mistress a nurse of approved narrow thoroughfares and paved courts, where tenderness and discretion; at whose house the chariot was ordered to wait till his re(in all likelihood) the said chamber-maid turn; and walking with great gravity through hath oft given the rendezvous to a male friend. the different turnings of' these alleys, regain The nurse, well skilled in the mysteries of his carriage by another passage, and resume her occupation, persuades the patient, that his seat with an air of vast importance. WVith her malady, far from beingslight or chimeri- a view to protract the time of his supposed cal, may proceed to a very dangerous degree visits, he would, at one place, turn aside to of the hysterical affection, unless it be nipt the wall; at another, cheapen an urinal; at in the bud by some very effectual remedy: a third corner, read a quack advertisement, then she recounts a surprising cure performed or lounge a few minutes in some bookseller's by a certain apothecary, and appeals to the shop; and, lastly, glide into some obscure testimony of the waiting woman, who being coffeehouse, and treat himself with a dram the gossip of his wife, confirms the evidence of usquebaugh. and corroborates the proposal. The apothe- The other means used to force a trade, cary being summoned, finds her ladyship in such as ordering himself to be called from such a delicate situation, that he declines church, alarming the neighbourhood with prescribing, and advises her to send for a knocking at his door in the night, receiving physician without delay. The nomination sudden messages in places of resort, and of course falls to him, and the doctor being inserting his cures by way of news in the called, declares the necessity of immediate daily papers, had been so injudiciously hackvenesection, which is accordingly performed neyed by every desperate sculler in physic, by the surgeon of the association. that they had lost their effect upon the pubThis is one way of beginning the game: lic, and therefore were excluded from the though the commencement often varies, and plan of our adventurer, whose scheme for the sometimes the apothecary, and sometimes present, was to exert himself in winning the the physician, opens the scene; but, be that favour of those sage sibyls, who keep, as it as it will, they always appear in a string, were, the temple of medicine, and admit the like a flight of wild geese, and each confede- young priest to the service of the altar; but racy maintains a correspondence with one this he considered as a temporary project particular undertaker. Fathom, upon these only, until he should have acquired interest considerations, set up his rest in the first enough to erect a hospital, lock, or infirmary, floor of an apothecary in the neighbourhood by the voluntary subscription of his friends; of Charing Cross, to whom he was introduced a scheme which had succeeded to a miracle by a letter from a friend at Tunbridge, and with many of the profession, who had raised who being made acquainted with his ability themselves into notice upon the carcasses of and scheme, promised to let slip no oppor- the poor. tunity of serving him; and, indeed, seemed Yet even this branch was already overto espouse his interest with great alacrity. stocked, insomuch that almost every street He introduced him to some of his patients, was furnished with one of these charitable on the strength of a gratis visit, sounded receptacles, which, instead of diminishing forth his praise among all the good women the taxes for the maintenance of the poor, of his acquaintance; and even prevailed upon encouraged the vulgar to be idle and dissohim to publish advertisements, importing, lute, by opening an asylum to them and their that he would every day, at a certain time families, from the diseases of poverty and and place, give his advice to the poor for intemperance: for it remains to be proved, 3M 490 SMOLLETT'S SELECT WORKS. that the parish rates are decreased, the bills when he had opportunities of being particular of mortality lessened, the people more nu- with this new inamorata, and, in proportion merous, or the streets less infested with beg- to the returns she made, he gradually detached gars, notwithstanding the immense sums himself from Miss Biddy, by intermitting, yearly granted by individuals for the relief and at last discontinuing, those ardent exof the indigent. pressions of love and admiration, which he But, waving these reflections, Doctor Fa- had made shift to convey in private looks thomn hoped that his landlord would be a and stolen whispers, during the rancorous Inost useful implement for extending his in- inspection of her mother. fluence, and, for that reason, admitted him Such alteration could not long escape the into a degree of partnership, after being fully jealous eyes of the young lady, no more than convinced that he was not under articles to the cause of this alienation, which, in a moany other physician. Nevertheless, he was Iment, converted all her love into irreconcilavery much mistaken in reckoning on the im- ble hate, and filled her whole soul with the portance of his new ally, who was, like him- most eager desire of vengeance: for she now self, a needy adventurer, settled upon credit, not only considered him as a mercenary and altogether unemployed, except among wretch, who had slighted her attractions for the very refuse of the people, whom no other the sordid gratifications of avarice, but also person would take the trouble to attend: so as an interloper, who wanted to intercept that our hero got little else than experience her fortune, in the odious character of a and trouble, excepting a few guineas, which father-in-law. But, before she could bring he made shift to glean among sojourners, her aim to any ripeness of contrivance, her with whom he became occasionally acquaint- mother having caught cold at church, was ed, or young people, who had been unfortu- seized with a rheumatic fever, became delinate in their amours. rious in less than three days, and, notwithIn the midst of these endeavours, he did standing all the prescriptions and care of her not omit his duty to the old gentlewoman, admirer, gave up the ghost, without having whose daughter he had cured at Tunbridge; retrieved the use of her senses, or been able and was always received with particular to manifest, bywill, the sentiments she entercomplacency, which perhaps he, in some tained in favour of her physician, who (as the measure, owed to his genteel equipage, that reader will easily perceive) had more reasons gave credit to every door before which it was than one to be mortally chagrined at this event. seen; yet Miss Biddy was as inaccessible as Miss Biddy being thus put in possession ever, while the mother became more and of the whole inheritance, not only renounced more warm in her civilities, till at length, all correspondence with Doctor Fathom, by after having prepared him with some extra- forbidding him the house, but likewise took ordinary compliments, she gave him to under- all opportunities of prejudicing his character, stand, that Biddy was no better than a giddy. by hinting, that her dear mamma had falle. headed girl, far from being unexceptionable a sacrifice to his ignorance and presumption in her moral character, and particularly deficient in duty and gratitude to her, who had been always a tender and indulgent parent; CHAPTER LIII. she was therefore determined to punish the young minx for her levity and want of natu- Acquires employment in consequence of a ral affection, by altering her own condition, lucky miscarriage. could she find a worthy and agreeable man, on whom she could bestow her hand and for- THESE ill offices, however, far fiom answertune without a blush. ing her purpose, had a quite contrary effect: The film was instantly removed from Fa- for, in consequence of her invectives, he was, thom's eyes by this declaration, which she in a few days, called to the wife of a meruttered with such a significancy of look, as chant, who piously hoped, that his practice thrilled to his soul with joyful presage, while would not give Miss Biddy the lie. The he replied, it would, indeed, be a difficult patient had long lingered under a complicatask to find a man who merited such happi- tion of distempers, and being in no immediate ness and honour; but, surely, some there danger of her life, Doctor Fathom was in no were, who would task their faculties to the hurry to strike a decisive stroke; till the husuttermost in manifesting theirgratitu.de, and band growing impatient of delay, and so desire of rendering themselvesworthy of such explicit in his hints, that it was impossible distinction. Though this answer was pro- to misapprehend his meaning, our adventurer nounced in such a manner, as gave her to resolved to do something effectual for his understand he had taken the hint, she would satisfaction, and prescribed a medicine of rnot cheapen her condescension so much as to such rough operation, as he thought must explain herself further at that juncture, and either oblige his employer, or produce a lie was very well contented to woo her on change in the lady's constitution, that would her own terms; accordingly he began to sea- make a noise in the world, and bring a new son his behaviour with an air of gallantry, accession to his fame. ADVENTURES OF FERDINAND COUNT FATHOM. 491 Proceeding upon these maxims, he could now gave rise; as, by the miraculous cure not be disappointed: the remedy played its he had effected, all his patient's friends, all part with such violence, as reduced the pa- the enemies of her husband, all those who tient to extremity, and the merchant had envied his other adversary, were interested actually bespoken an undertaker; when, after in his behalf, exclusive of such admirers as a series of swoonings and convulsions, nature surprise and curiosity might engage in his so far prevailed, as to expel at once the pre- cause. scription and the disease; yet the good- Thus wafted upon the wings of applause, natured husband was so much affected with his fame soon diffused itself into all the corthe agonies to which he saw the wife of his ners of this great capital: the newspapers bosom exposed by this specific, that although teemed with his praise: and in order to keep the effect of it was her perfect recovery, he up the attention of the public, his emissaries, could never bear the sight of Fathom for the male and female, separated into different future, nor even hear his name mentioned, coffeehouses, companies, and clubs, where without giving signs of horror and indigna- they did not fail to comment upon these artition; nay, he did not scruple to affirm, that, cles of intelligence. Such a favourable inhad our adventurer been endowed with the cident is, of itself, sufficient to float the bark least tincture of humanity, he would have of a man's fortune: he was, in a few days, surfered the poor woman to depart in peace, called to another lady, labouring under the rather than restore her to health, at the same disorder he had so successfully dispelled, expense of such anxiety and torture. and she thought herself benefited by his adOn the other hand, this extraordinary cure vice. His acquaintance naturally extended was blazoned abroad by the good lady and itself among the visitants and allies of' his her gossips, with such exaggerations as patients; he was recommended from family roused the astonishment of the public, and to family; the fees began to multiply; a concurred with the report of his last mis- variety of footmen appeared every day at his carriage, to bring him upon the carpet, as the door; he discontinued his sham circuit; and universal subject of discourse. When a phy- looking upon the present conjuncture as sician becomes the town talk, he generally that tide in his affairs, which (accordiing to concludes his business more than half done, Shakspeare) when taken at the full leads on even though his fame should wholly turn upon to fortune, he resolved that the opportunity his mal-practice; insomuch that some mem- should not be lost, and applied himself with bers of the faculty have been heard to com- such assiduity to his practice, that, in all likeplain, that they never had the good fortune lihood, he would have carried the palm from to be publicly accused of homicide: and it is all his contemporaries, had he not split upon well kinown, that a certain famous empiric of the same rock which had shipwrecked his our day never flourished to any degree of hopes before. wealth and reputation, till after he had been We have formerly descanted upon that attacked in print, and fairly convicted of hav- venereal appetite which glowed in the coning destroyed a good number of the human stitution of our adventurer, and with all his species. Success raised upon such afounda- philosophy and caution could hardly keep tion would, by a disciple of Plato, and some within bounds; the reader, therefore, will modern moralists, be ascribed to the innate not be much surprised to learn, that, in the virtue and generosity of the human heart, exercise of his profession, he contracted an which naturally espouses the cause that needs intimacy with a clergyman's wife, whom he protection: but I, whose notions of human attended as a physician, and whose conjugal excellence are not quite so sublime, am apt virtue he subdued by a long and diligent exto believe it is owing to that spirit of self- ertion of his delusive arts, while her mind conceit and contradiction, which is, at least, was enervated by sickness, and her husband as universal, if not as natural, as the moral abroad upon his necessary occasions. This sense so warmly contended for by those ideal unhappy patient, who was a woman of an philosophers. agreeable person and lively conversation, felh The most infamous wretch often finds his a sacrifice to her own security and self-conaccount in these principles of malevolence ceit: her want of health had confined her to and self-love: for wheresoever his character a sedentary life, and, her imagination being falls under discussion, there is generally some active and restless, she had spent those hours person present, who, either from an affecta- in reading, which other young women devote tion of singularity, or envy to the accusers, to company and diversion; but, as her studies undertakes his defence, and endeavours to were not superintended by any person of invalidate the articles of his impeachment, taste, she had indulged her own fancy withuntil he is heated by altercation, and hurried out method or propriety. The Spectator into more effectual measures for his advan- taught her to be a critic and philosopher, tage. If such benefits accrue to those who from plays she learned poetry and wit; and have no real merit to depend upon, surely derived her knowledge of life from books of our hero could not but reap something ex- history and adventures. Fraught with these raordinary from the debates to which he acquisitions, and furnished by nature with 492 SMOLLETT'S SELECT WORKS. uncommon vivacity, she despised her own of a villain, who took advantage of my weak sex, and courted the society of men, among and unguarded moments. Fathom is the whom she thought her talents might be more wretch who hath thus injured your honour, honourably displayed; fully confident of her and ruined my unsuspecting innocence. I own virtue and sagacity, which enabled her have nothing to plead in alleviation of my to set all their arts at defiance. crime, but the most sincere contrition of Thus qualified, she, in an evil hour, had heart: and though, at any other juncture, I recourse to the advice of our adventurer, for could not expect your forgiveness, yet, as I some ailment under which she had long la- now touch the goal of life, I trust in your boured, and found such relief from his skill, humanity and benevolence for that pardon as very much prepossessed her in his favour. which will lighten the sorrows of my soul, She was no less pleased with his obliging and those prayers which I hope will entitle manners than with his physic, and found rme to favour at the throne of grace." much entertainment in his conversation; so The poor husband was so much overthat the acquaintance proceeded to a degree whelmed with grief and confusion at this of intimacy, during which he perceived her unexpected address, that he could not recolweak side, and, being enamoured of her per- lect himself till after a pause of several son, flattered her out of all her caution. The minutes, when uttering a hollow groan,privilege of his character furnished him with " I will not," said he, " aggravate your sufferopportunities to lay snares for her virtue; ings, by reproaching you with my wrongs; and, taking advantage of that listlessness, though your conduct hath been but an ill languor, and indolence of the spirits, by return for all my tenderness and esteem. which all the vigilance of the soul is relaxed, I look upon it as a trial of my christian he, after a long course of attention and per- patience, and bear my misfortunes with resigseverance, found means to make shipwreck nation: meanwhile I forgive you from my of her peace. heart, and fervently pray, that your repentThough he mastered her chastity, he could ance may be acceptable to the Father of not quiet her conscience, which incessantly Mercy." So saying, he approached her bedupbraided her with breach of the marriage- side, and embraced her in token of his sinvow; nor did her undoer escape without a cerity. Whether this generous condescenshare of the reproaches suggested by her sion diffused such a composure upon her penitence and remorse. This internal anxiety spirits, as tended to the ease and refreshment co-operating with her disease, and perhaps of nature, which had been almost exhausted with the medicines he prescribed, reduced by disease and vexation, certain it is, that her to the brink of the grave; when her hus- from this day she began to struggle with her band returned from a neighbouring kingdom, malady in surprising efforts, and hourly gained in consequence of her earnest request, joined ground, until her health was pretty well reto the information of her friends, who had established. written to him an account of the extremity This recovery was so far beyond the busin which she was. The good man was afflict- band's expectation, that he began to make ed beyond measure, when he saw himself very serious reflections on the event, and upon the verge of losing a wife whom he had even to wish he had not been quite so prealways tenderly loved; but what were his cipitate in pardoning the backslidings of his emotions, when she, taking the first oppor- wife; for though he could not withhold his tunity of his being alone with her, accosted compassion from a dying penitent, he did him to this effect:-" I am now hastening not at all relish the thoughts of cohabiting, towards that dissolution from which no mortal as usual, with a wife self-convicted of the is exempted; and though the prospect of violation of the matrimonial contract: he futurity is altogether clouded and uncertain, therefore considered his declaration as no ny conscience will not allow me to plunge more than a provisional pardon, to take place into eternity without unburdening my mind, on condition of her immediate death; and, and, by an ingenuous confession, making all in a little time, not only communicated to the atonement in my power for the ingrati- her his sentiments on the subject, but also tilde I have been guilty of, and the wrongs I separated himself from her company, secured have committed against a virtuous husband, the evidence of her maid, who had been con. who never gave me cause of complaint. You fidante in her amour with Fathom, and immestand amazed at this preamble; but, alas! diately set on foot a prosecution against our how will you be shocked when I own that I adventurer, whose behaviour to his wife he have betrayed you in your absence; that I did not fail to promulgate, with all its aggrahave trespassed against God and my marriage vating circumstances. By these means the vow, and fallen from the pride and confidence doctor's name became so notorious, that of virtue, to the most abject state of vice: every man was afraid of admitting him into yTes, I have been unfaithful to your bed, hav- his house, and every woman ashamed of iJlg fallen a victim to the infernal insinuations soliciting his advice. ADVENTURES OF FERDINAND COUNT FATHOM. 493 now increased in proportion to the decrease CHAPTER LIV. of business; for, as he had more idle time, and was less admitted into private families, His eclipse and gradual declination. so he thought he had more occasion to enlarge his acquaintance among his own sex, MISFORTUNES seldom come single: upon who alone were able to support him in his the back of this hue and cry, he unluckily disgrace with the other. lie accordingly prescribed phlebotomy to a gentleman of listed himself in several clubs, and endeasome rank, who chanced to expire during voured to monopolize the venereal branch of the operation: and quarrelled with his land- trade; though this was but an indifferent lord the apothecary, who charged him with resource; for almost all his patients of this having forgot the good offices he had done class were such as either could not, or would him in the beginning of his career, and de- not, properly recompense the physician. sired he would provide himself with another For some time he lingered in this situation, lodoing. without going upwards or downwards, floatAll these mishaps, treading upon the heels ing like a wisp of straw at the turning of the of one another, had a very mortifying effect tide, until he could no longer amuse the per. upon his practice. At every tea-table, his son of whom he had hired his coach horses, name was occasionally put to the torture, or postpone the other demands which multiwith that of the vile creature whom he had plied upon him every day. Then was his seduced; though it was generally taken for chariot overturned with a hideous crash, and granted, by all those female casuists, that his face so much wounded with the shivers she must have made the first advances! for of the glass, which went to pieces in the fall, it could not be supposed that any man would that he appeared in the coffee-house with take much trouble in laying schemes for the half a dozen black patches upon his counteruin of a person whose attractions were so nance, gave a most circumstantial detail of slender, especially considering the ill state the risk he had run, and declared, that he of her health, a circumstance that seldom did not believe he should ever hazard himadds to a woman's beauty or good humour: self again in any sort of wheel carriage. besides, she was always a pert minx, that Soon after this accident, he took an opporaffected singularity, and a masculine manner tunity of telling his friends, in the same pubof speaking; and many of them had foreseen lic place, that he had turned away his footthat she would, some time or other, bring man on account of his drunkenness, and was herself into such a premunire. At allgossip- resolved, for the future, to keep none but pings where the apothecary or his wife as- maids in his service, because men-servants sisted, Fathom's pride, ingratitude, and mal- are generally impudent, lazy, debauched, or practice, were canvassed; in all clubs of dishonest; and, after all, neither so neat, married men, he was mentioned with marks handy, nor agreeable, as the other sex. In of abhorrence and detestation; and every the rear of this resolution, he shifted his medical coffee-house rung with his reproach. lodgings into a private court, being distracted Instances of his ignorance and presumption with the din of carriages, that disturb the inwere quoted, and many particulars feigned habitants who live towards the open street; for the purpose of defamation; so that our and gave his acquaintance to understand, hero was exactly in the situation of a horse-, that he had a medical work upon the anvil, man, who, in riding at full speed for the which he could not finish without being inplate, is thrown from the saddle in the middle dulged in silence and tranquillity. In effect, of the race, and left without sense or motion he gradually put on the exteriors of an author. upon the plain. His progress, though rapid, His watch, with an horizontal movement by had been so short, that he could not be sup- Graham, which he had often mentioned, and posed to have laid up store against such a shown as a very curious piece of workmanday of trouble; and as he still cherished ship, began, about this time, to be very much hopes of surmounting those obstacles which out of order, and was committed to the care had so suddenly started up in his way, he of a mender, who was in no hurry to restore would not resign his equipage, nor retrench it. His tie-wig degenerated into a major; his expenses; but appeared, as usual, in all he sometimes appeared without a sword; public places, with that serenity and confi- and was even observed in public with a dence of feature which he had never deposi- second day's shirt: at least his clothes became ted, and maintained his external pomp upon rusty; and, when he walked about the streets, the little he had reserved in the days of his his head turned round in a surprising manner, prosperity, and the credit he had acquired by an involuntary motion in his neck, which by the punctuality of his former payments. he had contracted by a habit of reconnoitring Both these funds, however, failed in a very the ground, that he might avoid all dangerous little time; his law-suit was a gulf that or disagreeable encounters. swallowed up all his ready money; and the Fathom, finding himself descending the gleanings of his practice were scarce suffi- hill of fortune with an acquired gravitation, cient to answer hio pocklt cx'-:~,. which strove to catch at every twig, in order to 494 SMIOLLETT'S SELECT WORKS. stop or retard his descent. He now regret- dependence: accordingly, he had, from time ted the opportunities he had neglected, of to time, accommodated him with small trifles, marrying one of several women of moderate which barely served to support his existence, fortune, who had made advances to him in and even for these had taken notes of hand, the zenith of his reputation; and endeavoured, that he might have a scourge over his head, by forcing himself into a lower path of life in case he should prove insolent or refracthan any he had hitherto trode, to keep him- tory. To this benefactor Fathom applied self afloat, with the portion of some trades- for a reinforcement of twenty guineas, which mnan's daughter, whom he meant to espouse. he solicited with the more confidence, as While he exerted himself in this pursuit, he that sum would certainly enable him to rehappened, in returning from a place about pay all other obligations. The quack would thirty miles from London, to become ac- advance the money upon no other condition, quainted, in the stage-coach, with a young than that of knowing the scheme, which being woman of a very homely appearance, whom, explained, he complied with Ferdinand's refiom the driver's information, he understood quest; but, at the same time, privately de to be the niece of a country justice, and spatched an express to the younglady's uncle, daughter of a soap boiler, who had lived and with a full account of the whole conspiracy; died in London, and left her, in her infancy, so that, when the doctor arrived at the inn, sole heiress of his effects, which amounted according to appointment, he was received to four thousand pounds. The uncle, who by his worship in person, who gave him to was her guardian,: had kept her sacred from understand that his niece had changed her the knowledge of the world, resolving to mind, and gone fifty miles farther into the effect a match betwixt her and his own son; country to visit a relation. This was a grievand it was with much difficulty he had con- ous disappointment to Fathom, who really sented to this journey, which she had under- believed hismistress hadforsaken him throug taken as a visit to her own mother, who had mere levity and caprice, and was not undemarried a second husband in town. ceived till several months after her marriage Fraught with these anecdotes, Fathom with her cousin, when, at an accidental began to put forth his gallantry and good meeting in London, she explained the story humlour, and, in a word, was admitted by of the secret intelligence, and excused her the lady to the privilege of an acquaintance, marriage as the effect of rigorous usage and in which capacity he visited her during the compulsion. term of her residence in London; and, as Had our hero been really enamoured of there was no time to be lost, declared his her person, he might have probably accomhonourable intentions. He had such a man- plished his wishes, notwithstanding the steps ifest advantage, in point of personal accom- she had taken. But this was not the case: plishments, over the young gentleman who his passion was of a different nature, and the was destined for her husband, that she did object of it effectually without his reach. not disdain his proposals; and, before she With regard to his appetite for women, as set out for the country, he had made such it was an infirmity of his constitution, which progress in her heart, that the day was ac- he could not overcome, and as he was in no tually fixed for their nuptials, on which he condition to gratify it at a great expense, he faithfully promised to carry her off in a coach had of late chosen a house-keeper from the and six. How to raise money for this ex-.hundreds of Drury, and, to avoid scandal, pedition was all the difficulty that remained; allowed her to assume his name. As to the for, by this time, his finances were utterly intimation which had been sent to the country dried up, and his credit altogether exhausted. justice, he immediately imputed it to the true Upon a very pressing occasion, he had form- author, whom lie marked for his vengeance erly applied himself to a certain wealthy accordingly; but, in the mean time, supna.ck. who had relieved his necessities by pressed his resentment, because he, in some iendlng hin a small sum of money, in return measure, depended upon him for subsistence. 10r having communicated to him a secret On the other hand, the quack, dreading the,,,:cdicine, which he affirmed to be the most fowardness and plausibility of our hero, which adtllrable specific that ever was invented. might, one time or other, render him inde-'The nostrum had been used, and, luckily for pendent, put a stop to those supplies, on hill,, succeeded in the trial; so that the em- pretence of finding them inconvenient; but, piric, in the midst of his satisfaction, began out of his friendship and good-will to Fathom, to reflect, that this same Fathom, who pre- undertook to procure for him such letters of tended to be in possession of a great many recommendation as would infallibly make his remedies, equally efficacious, would certainly fortune in the West Indies, and even to fit hbecome a formidable rival to him in his busi- him out in a genteel manner for the voyage. ness, should he ever be able to extricate him- Ferdinand perceived his drift, and thanked self from his present difficulties. him for his generous offer, which he would In consequence of these suggestions, he not fail to consider with all due deliberation; resolved to keep our adventurer's head under though he was determined against the pro water, by maintaining him in the most abject posal, but obliged to temporize, that he migh ADVENTURES OF FERDINAND COUNT FATHOM. 495 not incur the displeasure of this man, at his mistress, and saw it seized, with great whose mercy he lay. Meanwhile the prose- satisfaction, in the absence of his helpmate, cution against him in Doctors' Commons who had gone abroad on purpose. Accorddrew near a period, and the lawyers were ing to instruction, she soon returned, and clamorous for money, without which, he fore- began to raise a. terrible clamour about the saw, he should lose the advantage which his loss of her watch; upon which she was concause had lately acquired by the death of his doled by her landlady, who seemed to doubt antaoonist's chief evidence: he, therefore, the integrity of the maid, and even proposed seeing every other channel shut up, began that Mrs Fathom should apply to some justo doubt whether the risk of being appre- tice of the peace for a warrant to search the hended or slain in the character of a high- servant's trunk. The lady thanked her for wayman, was not overbalanced by the pros- the good advice; in compliance with which pect of being acquitted of a charge which she had immediate recourse to a magistrate, had ruined his reputation and fortune, and who granted a search warrant, not against actually entertained thoughts of taking the the maid, but the mistress; and she, in a little air on Hounslow heath, when he was diverted time, returned with the constable at her back. from this expedient by a very singular ad- These precautions being taken, Doctor venture. Fathom desired a private conference with the old gentlewoman, in which he gave her to understand, that he had undoubted proofs of CHAPTER LV. her having secreted, not only the watch, but also several other odd things of less conseAfter divers unsuccessful efforts, he has quence, which he had lost since his residence recourse to the matrimonial noose. in her house: he then showed the warrant he had obtained against her, and asked if she CHANCING to meet with one of his acquaint- had any thing to offer why the constable ance at a certain coffeehouse, the discourse should not do his duty. Inexpressible were turned upon the characters of mankind, when, the anguish and confusion of the defendant, among other oddities, his friend brought upon when she found herself thus entrapped, and the carpet a certain old gentlewoman of such reflected, that she was on the point of being a rapacious disposition, that, like a jackdaw, detected of felony, for she at once concluded she never beheld any metalline substance, that the snare was laid for her, and knew without an inclination, and even an effort, to that the officer of justice would certainly find secret it for her own use and contemplation: the unlucky watch in one of the drawvers of nor was this infirmity originally produced her escrutoire. from indigence, inasmuch as her circum- Tortured with these suggestions, afraid of stances had been always affluent, and she public disgrace, and dreading the consequence was now possessed of a considerable sum of of legal conviction, she fell on her knees money in the funds; notwithstanding which, before the injured Fathom, and, after having the avarice of her nature tempted her to let imputed her crime to the temptations of nelodgings, though few people could live under cessity,' implored his compassion, promised the same roof with such an original, who, to restore the watch, and every thing she had rather than be idle, had often filched pieces taken, and begged he would dismiss the conof her own plate, and charged her servants stable, that her reputation might not suffer with the theft, or hinted suspicion of her in the eye of the world. lodgers. Fathom, struck with the descrip- Ferdinand, with a severity of countenance, tion, soon perceived how this woman's dis- purposely assumed, observed, that were she ease might be converted to his advantage; really indigent, he had charity enough to forand after having obtained sufficient intelli- give what she had done; but, as he knew gence, on pretence of satisfying his curiosity, her circumstances were opulent, he looked he visited the widow, in consequence of a upon this excuse as an aggravation of her bill at her door, and actually hired an apart- guilt, which was certainly the effect of a ment in her house, whither he forthwith vicious inclination; and he was therefore repaired with his inamorata. It was not long determined to prosecute her with the utmost before he perceived that his landlady's cha- severity of the law, as an example and terror racter had not been misrepresented: he fed to others, who might be infected with the her distemper with divers inconsiderable same evil disposition. Finding him deaf to trinkets, such as copper medals, cork-screws, all her tears and entreaties, she changed her old buckles, and a paltry seal set in silver, note, and offered him one hundred guineas, whlich were, at different times, laid as baits if he would compromise the affair, and drop for her infirmity, and always conveyed away the prosecution, so as that her character with remarkable eagerness, which he and his should sustain no damage. After much arguI)ulcinea took pleasure in observing from an mentation, he consented to accept cf double unsuspected place. Thus confirmed in his the sum, which being instantly paid in Eastopinion, he at length took an opportunity of India bonds, Doctor Fathom told the consta. exposing a metal watch which belonged to ble, that the watch was found; and for once, 42 496 SMOLLETT'S SELECT WORKS. her reputation was patched up. This sea- very pompous article of the newspapers; a sonable supply enabled our hero to stand chariot was bespoken, aready-furnished house trial with his adversary, who was non-suited, immediately taken, and Doctor Fathom beand also to mend his external appearance, gan to re-appear in all his former splendour. which of late had not been extremely mag- His good friend the empiric, alarmed at nificent. this event, which not only raised our advenSoon after this gleam of good fortune, a turer into the sphere of a dangerous rival, tradesman, to whom he was considerably but also furnished him with means to revenge indebted, seeing no other probable means to the ill office he had sustained at his hands recover his money, introduced Fathom to the on the adventure of the former match; for acquaintance of a young widow who lodged by this time Fathom had given him some at his house, and was said to be in possession hints, importing, that he was not ignorant of a considerable fortune. Considering the of his treacherous behaviour; roused, I say, steps that were taken, it would have been by these considerations, he enmployed one of almost impossible for him to miscarry in his his emissaries, who had some knowledge of addresses. The lady had been bred in the Fathom's brother-in-law, to prejudice him country, was unacquainted with the world, against our adventurer, whom he represented and of a very sanguine disposition, which as a needy sharper, not only overwhelmed her short trial of matrimony had not served with debt and disgrace, but likewise preto cool, Our adventurer was instructed to viously married to a poor woman, who was call at the tradesman's house, as if by acci- prevented by nothing but want from seeking dent, at an appointed time, when the widow redress at law. To confirm these assertions, was drinking tea with her landlady. On he gave him a detail of Fathom's incumthese occasions he always behaved to admi- brances, which he had learned for the purration. She liked his person, and praised pose, and even brought the counsellor into his politeness, good humour, and good sense; company with the person who had lived with his confederates extolled him as a. prodigy our hero before marriage, and who was so of learning, taste, and good nature; they much incensed at her abrupt dismission, that likewise represented him as a person on the she did not scruple to corroborate these alleeve of eclipsing all his competitors in physic. gations of the informer. An acquaintance and intimacy soon ensued, The lawyer, startled at this intelligence, nor was he restricted in point of opportunity. set on foot a minute inquiry into the life and In a word, he succeeded in his endeavours, conversation of the doctor, which turned out and one evening, on pretence of attending so little to the advantage of his character her to the play, he accompanied her to the and circumstances, that he resolved, if possiFleet, where they were married, in presence ble, to disunite him from his family; and, as of the tradesman and his wife, who were of a previous step, repeated to his sister all that the party. he had heard to the prejudice of her husband, This grand affair being accomplished to not forgetting to produce the evidence of Ihis his satisfaction, he next day visited her bro- mistress, who laid claim to him by a prior ther, who was a counsellor of the Temple, title, which, she pretended, could be proved to make him acquainted with the step his by the testimony of the clergyman who joined sister had taken; and though the lawyer was them. Such an explanation could not fail not a little mortified to find that she had made to inflame the resentment of the injured wife, such a clandestine match, he behaved civilly who, at the very first opportunity, giving a to his new brother-in-law, and gave him to loose to the impetuosity of her temper, upunderstand, that his wife's fortune consisted braided our hero with the most bitter invecof a jointure of one hundred and fifty pounds tives for his perfidious dealing. a-year, and fifteen hundred pounds bequeathed Ferdinand, conscious of his own innoto her during her widowhood by her own cence, which he had not always to plead, far father, who had taken the precaution of set- from attempting to sooth her indignation, tling it in the hands of trustees, in such a assumed the authority and prerogative of a manner, as that any husband she might after- husband, and sharply reprehended her for wards espouse should be restricted from her credulity and indecent warmth. This encroaching upon the capital, which was rebuke, instead of silencing, gave new spirit reserved for the benefit of her heirs. This and volubility to her reproaches, in the course intimation was far from being agreeable to of which she plainly taxed him with want of our hero, who had been informed that this honesty and affection, and said, that, though sum was absolutely at the lady's disposal, his pretence was love, his aim was no other and had actually destined the greatest part than a base design upon her fortune. of it for the payment of his debts, for de- Fathom, stung with these accusations, fraying the expense of furnishing an elegant which he really did not deserve, replied with house, and setting up a new equipage. uncommon heat, and charged her in his turn Notwithstanding this disappointment, he with want of sincerity and candour, in the resolved to carry on his plan upon the credit false account she had: given of that same forof his marriage, which was published in a tune before marriage. HIe even magnified ADVENTURES OF FERDINAND COUNT FATHOM. 497 his own condescension, in surrendering his numplush to hear such bad things of a person, liberty to a woman who had so little to recom- whom, as one may say, we thought a worthy mend her to the addresses of the other sex: gentleman, and were ready to serve at all a reflection which provoked this mild crea- times, by day and by night, as the saying is; ture to such a degree of animosity, that, for- and besides, for all that, you know, and God getting her duty and allegiance, she lent him knows, as we are dustrious people, and work a box on the ear with such energy as made hard for what we get, and we have served his eyes water: and he, for the honour of gentlemen to our own harm, whereby my manhood and sovereignty, having washed husband was last Tuesday served with a her face with a dish of tea, withdrew abruptly siserary, being that he was bound for an officer to a coffeehouse in the neighbourhood, where that ran away; and I said to my husband, he had not long remained, when his passion Timothy, says I,'tis a very hard thing for subsided, and he then saw the expediency one to ruin one's self for stranger people:of an immediate reconciliation, which he There's Doctor Fathom, says I; his account resolved to purchase, even at the expense of comes to nine-and-forty pounds seven shila submission. lings and fourpence halfpenny; and you know, It was pity that such a salutary resolution doctor, that was before your last bill began; had not been sooner taken; for, when he but, howsomever, little did I think as how a returned to his own house, he understood gentleman of your learning would go to dethat Mrs Fathom had gone abroad in a hack- ceive a poor gentlewoman, when you had ney coach; and, upon examining her apart- another wife alive." ment, in lieu of her clothes and trinkets, In vain did our adventurer endeavour to which she had removed with admirable dex- vindicate himself from this aspersion; the terity and dispatch, he found this billet in good woman, like a great many modern disone of the drawers of her bureau.-" Sir, putants, proceeded with her declamation, Being convinced that you are a cheat and an without seeming to hear what was said on impostor, I have withdrawn myself from the other side of the question, and the husyour cruelty and machinations, with a view band was altogether neutral. At length, to solicit the protection of the law; and I Ferdinand finding all his protestations indoubt not but I shall soon be able to prove effectual, "Well," said he, " though you are that you have no just title to, or demand upon, resolved, I see, to discredit all that I call say the person or effects of the unfortunate Sarah in opposition to that scandalous slander, of Muddy." which I can easily acquit myself in a court The time had been when Mr Fathom would of justice, surely you will not refuse to grant have allowed Mrs Muddy to refine at her me a certificate, signifying that you were leisure, and blessed God for his happy de- present at the ceremony of my marriage with liverance; but at present the case was quite this unhappy woman." " You shall excuse altered. Smarting as he was from the ex- us," replied the female orator, " people canpense of law-suits, he dreaded a prosecution not be too wary in signing their names in for bigamy, which (though he had justice on this wicked world; many a one has been nis side) he knew he could not of himself brought to ruination by signing his name, and, support: besides, all his other schemes of my husband shall not, with my good will,. life were frustrated by this unlucky elope- draw himself into such a primmineery." ment. He therefore speedily determined to Fathom, alarmed at this refusal, earnestly anticipate, as much as in him lay, the malice argued against the inhumanity and injustice of his enemies, and to obtain, without delay, of it, appealing to their own consciences for authentic documents of his marriage. With the reasonableness of his proposal; but, from this view he hastened to the house of the the evasive answers of the wife, he had rea-. tradesman, who, with his wife, had been wit- son to believe, that, long before the time of ness to the ceremony and consummation; trial, they would take care to have forgotten and, in order to interest them the more warmly the whole transaction. in his cause, made a pathetic recital of this Though he was equally confounded and unhappy breach, in which he had suffered incensed at this instance of their perfidy, he such injury and insult. But all his rhetoric durst not manifest his indignation, conscious would not avail: Mrs Muddy had been be- of the advantage they had over him in divers forehand with him, and had proved the better respects; but repaired, without loss of time,, Drator of the two; for she had assailed this to the lodging of the clergyman who had. htonest couple with such tropes and figures noosed him, resolved to consult his register, of eloquence as were altogether irresistible; and secure his evidence. Here too his evil nevertheless, they heard our hero to an end genius had got the start of him; for the worthy with great patience. Then the wife, who ecclesiastic not only could not recollect his: was the common mouth upon all such occa- features, or find his name in the register, sions, contracting her features into a very but; when importuned by his pressing remonformal disposition,-" I'll assure you," said strances, took umbrage at the freedom of his she, "Doctor Fathom, my husband and I behaviour, and threatened, if he would not have been in a very great terrification and immediately take himself away, to raise the 3N 498 SMOLLETT'S SELECT WORKS. posse of the Fleet, for the safety of his own the quack, to sue him for the payment of person. several notes, unless he would take them up Rather than put the pastor to the trouble in three days from the date of this letter. of alarming his flock, he retreated with. a Such a concurrence of sinister events made heavy heart, and went in quest of his mis- a deep impression upon the mind of our adtress, whom he had dismissed at his marriage, venturer: all his fortitude was insufficient to in hopes of effecting a reconciliation, and, bear him up against this torrent of misforpreventing her from joining in the conspiracy tunes; his resources were all dried up, his against him: but, alas! he met with such a invention failed, and his reflection began to reception as he had reason to expect from a take a new turn. " To what purpose," said slighted woman, who had never felt any real he to himself, " have I deserted the paths of attachment for his person. She did not up- integrity and truth, and exhausted a fruitful braid him with his cruelty in leaving her- as imagination, in contriving schemes to betray a mistress, but, with a species of effrontery my fellow-creatures; if, instead of acquiring never enough to be admired, reproached him a splendid fortune, which was my aim, I have with his villainy in abandoning her, who was suffered such a series of mortifications, and his true and lawful wife, to go and ruin a at las; brought myself to the brink of inevitapoor gentlewoman, by whose fortune he had ble destruction? By a virtuous exertion of been allured. those talents I inherit from nature and eduWhen he attempted to expostulate with cation, I might, long before this time, have this virago upon the barbarity of this asser- rendered myself independent, and, perhaps, tion, she very prudently declined engaging conspicuous in life: I might have grown up in private conversation with such an artful like a young oak, which, being firmly rooted and wicked man, and, calling up the people in its kindred soil, gradually raises up its of the house, insisted upon his being con- lofty head, expands its leafy arms, projects a ducted to the door. noble shade, and towers the glory of the plain: I should have paid the debt of gratitude to my benefactors, and made their hearts CHAPTER LVI. sing with joy for the happy effects of their benevolence; I should have been a bulwark In which his fortune is effectually strangled. to my friends, a shelter to my neighbours in distress; I should have run the race of honour, TaiE last resource, and that upon which he seen my fame diffused like a sweet-smelling least depended, was the advice and assist- odour, and'felt the ineffable pleasure of doing ance of his old friend the empiric, with whom good: whereas I am, after a vicissitude of lie still maintained a slight correspondence: disappointments, dangers, and fatigues, reand to whose house he steered his course, in duced to misery and shame, aggravated by a great perplexity and tribulation. That gen- conscience loaded with treachery and guilt. tleman, instead of consoling him with assur- I have abused the confidence and generosity ances of friendship and protection, faithfully of my patron; I have defrauded his family, recapitulated all the instances of his indis- under the mask of sincerity and attachment; cretion and misconduct, taxed him with want I have taken the most cruel and base advanof sincerity in the West-India affair, as well tages of virtue in distress; I have seduced as with want of honesty in this last marriage, unsuspecting innocence to ruin and despair; while his former wife was alive; and, finally, I have violated the most sacred trust reposed reminded him of his notes, which he desired in me by my friend and benefactor; I have might be immediately taken up, as he (the betrayed his love, torn his noble heart asunquack) had present occasion for a sum of der, by means of the most perfidious slander money. and false insinuations; and, finally, brought Ferdinand, seeing it would be impractica- to an untimely grave the fairest pattern of ble to derive any succour from this quarter, human beauty and perfection. Shall the sneaked homewards, in order to hold a con- author of these crimes pass with impunity? sultation with his own thoughts; and the first Shall he hope to prosper in the midst of such object that presented itself to his eyes, when enormous guilt? It were an imputation upon he entered his apartment, was aletter from Providence to suppose it.-Ah, no! I begin the tradesman, with his account inclosed, to feel myself overtaken by the eternal jusamounting to forty-five pounds, which the tice of I-eaven! I totter on the edge of writer desired might be paid without delay. wretchedness and woe, without one friendly Before he had time to peruse the articles, he hand to save me from the terrible abyss." received a summons, in consequence of a These reflections, which perhaps the mibill of indictment for bigamy, found against sery of his fellow-creatures would never have him in IHicks's Hall, by Sarah Muddy, widow; inspired, had he himself remained without and, while he was revolving measures to the verge of misfortune, were now produced avert, these storms, another billet arrived fi'om the sensation of his own calamities; from a certain attorney, givingc him to under- and, for the first time, his cheeks were bestand, that he had orders from Doctor Buffalo, dewed with the drops of penitence and sorrow. ADVENTURES OF FERDINAND COUNT FATHOM. 499.. Contraries, saith Plato, are productive of remove all cause of disquiet from the proseeach other. Reformation is oftentimes gene- cutrix, when he was unfortunately prevented rated from unsuccessfulvice; and our adven- by the warrant which had been executed turer was, at this juncture, verywell disposed against him. He said he was still willing to turn over a new leaf, in consequence of for the sake of his liberty, to sign a formai those salutary suggestions; though he was renunciation of his pretensions to Mrs Fathom far from being cured beyond the possibility' and her fortune, provided the deeds could be of a relapse: on the contrary, all the faculties executed, and the warrant withdrawn, before of his soul were so well adapted, and had he should be detained by his other creditors; been so long habituated to deceit, that, in and,'lastly, he conjured the barrister to spare order to extricate himself from the evils that' himself the guilt and the charge of suborning environed him, he would not, in all probability, evidence for' the destruction' of an unhappy have scrupled to practise it upon his own man, whose misfortune was his only fault. father, had a convenient opportunity occurred. The lawyer felt the force of his expostulaBe that as it may, he certainly, after a tions; and though he would by no means: tedious and fruitless exercise of his invention, suppose him innocent of the charge of bigamy, resolved to effect a clandestine retreat from' yet, under the pretext of humanity and comthat confederacy of enemies which he could miseration, he undertook to persuade his not withstand, and once more join his fortune sister to accept of a proper release, which to that of Renaldo, whom he proposed to he observed would not be binding, if executed' serve, for the future, with fidelity and affec- during the'confinement of Fathom; he theretion, thereby endeavouring to atone for the fore took his leave, in order to prepare the' treachery of his former conduct. Thus de- papers, withdraw the'action, and take such termined, he packed up his necessaries in a other measures as would hinder the prisoner portmanteau, attempted to amuse his credi- from giving him the slip. Next day he retors with promises of speedy payment, and turned'with an order to release our hero, who venturing to come forth in the dark, took a being formally discharged, was conducted by place in the Canterbury stage-coach, after the lawyer to a tavern in the neighbourhood, having converted his superfluities into ready where the releases were exchanged, and money. These steps were not taken with every thing concluded with amity and consuch privacy, as to elude the vigilance of his cord. Thisbusiness being happily transacted, adversaries; for, although he had been cau- Fathom stepped into a hackney coach with tious enough to transport himself' and his his baggage, and was followed by a bailiff, baggage to the inn on Sunday evening, and who told him with great composure, that he' never doubted that the vehicle, which set' was again a prisoner, at the suit of Dr Bufout at four o'clock on Monday morning, falo, and desired the coachman to reconduct' would convey him out of the reach of his him to the lodging he had so lately discharged. creditors, before they could possibly obtain a Fathom, whose fortitude had been hitherto writ for securing his person, they had actually of the pagan temper, was now fain to reintaken such precautions as frustrated all his force it with the philosophy of christian finesse; and the coach being stopped in the resignation, though he had not as yet arrived borough of Southwark, Doctor Fathom was to such a pitch of self-denial as to forgive the seized by virtue of a warrant obtained on a counsellor, to whose double dealing he im'criminal indictment, and was forthwith con- puted this new calamity. After having reducted to the prison of the King's Bench; ceived the compliments of'the jailor on his yet not before he had, by his pathetic remon- recommitment,' he took pen, ink, and paper, strances, excited the compassion, and even and composed an artful and affecting epistle drawn tears from the eyes of his fellow-pass- to the empiric, imploring his' mercy, flatterengers. ing his weakness, and demonstrating the He no sooner recollected himself from the bad policy of cooping up an unhappy man in shock which must have been occasioned by a jail, where he could never have an opporthis sinister incident, than he dispatched a tunity of doing justice to his creditors; nor letter to his brother-in-law the counsellor, did he forget to declare his intention of retirrequesting an immediate conference, in which ing into another country, where he might he promised to make such a proposal, as have some chance'of earning a subsistence, would save him all the expense of a law-suit which he had so long toiled for to no purpose and trial, and at the same time effectually in England.' This last declaration he made answer all the purposes of both. He was in consequence of the jealous disposition of accordingly favoured with a visit from the the quack, who he knew had long looked lawyer, to whom, after the most solemn pro- upon him in the odious light of an interloptestations of his own innocence, he declared, ing rival. However, he reaped no benefit; that, finding himself unable to wage war from this supplication, which served only to against such powerful antagonists, he had gratify the pride of Buffalo, who produced resolved even to abandon his indubitable the extravagant encomiums which Fathoni right, and retire into another country, in had bestowed upon him, as so many testimo' order to screen himself from persecution, and nials of his foe's, bearing witness to his virtue 42* 500 SMOLLETT'S SELECT WORKS. introduced himself into the company, with a view to alleviate, in some measure, his sorCHAPTER LVII. row and chagrin, by the conversation of his fellow-guests: yet he was so ill prepared to Fathom being safely housed, the reader is obtain the relief which he courted, that he entertained with a retrospect. entered the apartment, and sat down to table, without distinguishing either the number or BUT now it is high time to leave our adven- countenances of those who were present: turer to chew the cud of' reflection and re- though he himself did not remain so unremorse in this solitary mansion, that we may garded. His mien and deportment produced trace Renaldo in the several steps he took to a prepossession in his favour; and the air assert his right, and do justice to his family. of affliction so remarkable in his visage, did Never man indulged a more melancholy train not fail to attract their sympathy and obserof ideas than that which accompanied him vation. in his journey to the imperial court: for, not- Among the rest was an Irish officer in the withstanding the manifold reasons he had to Austrian service, who having eyed Renaldo expect a happy issue to his aim, his imagina- attentively,-" Sir," said he, rising, " if my tion was incessantly infected with something eyes and memory do not deceive me, you are that chilled his nerves, and saddened his the Count de Melvil, with whom I had the heart, recurring, with quick succession, like honour to serve upon the Rhine during the the unwearied wave that beats upon the bleak last war." The youth, hearing his own name inhospitable Greenland shore. This, the mentioned, lifted up his eyes, and at once reader will easily suppose, was no other than recognising the other to be a gentleman who the remembrance of the forlorn Monimia, had been a captain in his father's regiment, whose image appeared to his fancy in differ- ran forwards, and embraced him with great ent attitudes, according to the prevalence of affection. the passions which raged in his bosom. This was, in divers respects, a fortunate Sometimes he viewed her in the light of rencounter for young Melvil; as the officer apostasy, and then his soul was maddened was not only perfectly well acquainted with with indignation and despair: but these tran- the situation of the count's family; but also sitory blasts were not able to efface the im- resolved, in a few days, to set out for Vienna, pressions she had formerly made upon his whither he promised to accompany Renaldo, heart; impressions which he had so often as soon as he understood his route lay the and so long contemplated with inconceivable same way. Before the day fixed for their rapture. These pictures still remained, re- departure arrived, this gentleman found means presenting her fair as the most perfect idea to insinuate himself so far into the confidence of beauty, soft and tender as an angel of of the count, as to learn the cause of that mercy and compassion, warmed with every distress which he had observed in his feavirtue of the heart, and adorned with every tures at their first meeting; and being a genaccomplishment of human nature: yet the tleman of uncommon vivacity, as well as alarming contrast came still in the rear of sincerely attached to the family of Melvil, to this recollection; so that his soul was by which he had owed his promotion, he exerted turns agitated by the tempests of horror, and all his good humour and good sense in amusoverwhelmed by the floods of grief. ing the fancy, and reasoning down the morHe recalled the moment on which he first tification of the afflicted Hungarian. He, in beheld her, with that pleasing regret which particular, endeavoured to wean his attention attends the memory of a dear deceased friend; from the lost Monimia, by engaging it upon then he bitterly cursed it, as the source of all his domestic affairs, and upon the wrongs of his misfortunes and affliction: he thanked his mother and sister, who, he gave him to Heaven for having blessed him with a friend understand, were languishing under the tyranto detect her perfidy and ingratitude; then ny of his father-in-law. ardently wished he had still continued under This was a note that effectually roused the influence of her delusion. In a word, the him from the lethargy of his sorrow; and the loneliness of his situation aggravated every desire of taking vengeance on the oppressor horror of his reflection; for, as he found him- who had ruined his fortune, and made his self without company, his imagination was- nearest relations miserable, so entirely ennever solicited, or his attention diverted, grossed his thoughts, as to leave no room for from these subjects of woe; and he travelled other considerations. During their journey to Brussels in a revery, fraught with such to Austria, Major Farrel (that was the name torments as must have entirely wrecked his of his fellow-traveller) informed him of many reason, had not Providence interposed in his circumstances touching his father's house, behalf. He was, by his postilion, conducted to which himself was an utter stranger. to one of the best inns of the place, where "The conduct of your mother," said he, le understood the cloth was already laid for " in marrying Count Trebasi, was not at all supper; and as the ordinary is open to stran- agreeable either to the friends of the Count gers in all these houses of entertainment, he de Melvil, or to her own relations, who knew ADVENTURES OF FERDINAND COUNT FATHOM. 501 her second husband to be a man of a violent your mother and sister, would infallibly suffer temper and rapacious disposition, which the by your temerity and precipitation. First nature of his education and employment had of all deliver your credentials at court, and served rather to inflame than allay; for you let us join our endeavours to raise an interest well know he was a partizan during the whole strong enough to counterbalance that of course of the late war. They were, more- Trebasi. If we succeed, there will be no over, equally surprised and chagrined, when necessity for having recourse to personal they found she took no step to prevent his measures; he will be compelled to yield up seizing upon that inheritance which of right your inheritance, which he unjustly detains, belonged to you, and which, by the laws of and to restore your sister to your arms; and Hungary, is unalienable from the heir of if he afterwards refuses to do justice to the blood: nevertheless, they are now fully con- countess, you will always have it in your vinced, that she hath more than sufficiently power to evince yourself the son of the brave atoned for her indiscretion by the barbarity Count de Melvil." of her husband, who hath not only secluded These just and salutary representations her from all communication with her friends had a due effect upon Renaldo, who no sooner and acquaintance, but even confined her to arrived at the capital of Austria, than he the west tower of your father's house, where waited upon a certain prince of distinction, she is said to be kept close prisoner, and sub- to whose patronage he was commended: and jected to all sorts of inconvenience and mor- from whom he met with a very cordial retification. This severity she is believed to ception, not only on account of his credenhave incurred in consequence of having ex- tials, but also for the sake of his father, who postulated with him upon his unjust behaviour was well known to his highness. He heard to you and mademoiselle, whom he hath his complaints with great patience and affaactually shut up in some convent in Vienna, bility, assured him of his assistance and prowhich your relations have not as yet been tection, and even undertook to introduce him able to discover: but the memory of your to the empress-queen, who would not suffer noble father is so dear to all those who were the weakest of her subjects to be oppressed, favoured with his friendship, and the suffer- much less disregard the cause of' an injured ings of the countess and mademoiselle have young nobleman, who, by his own services. raised such a spirit of resentment against and those of his family, was peculiarly entiher cruel jailor, that nothing is wanted but tled to her favour. your presence to begin the prosecution, and Nor was he the only person whose coungive a sanction to the measures of your friends, tenance and patronage Melvil solicited upon which will in a little time restore your family this occasion; he visited all the friends of his to the fruition of its rights and fortune: for father, and all his mother's relations, who my own part, my dear count, I consider my- were easily interested in his behalf; while self as one wholly indebted to your house for Major Farrel contributed all his efforts in the rank and expectation I now enjoy; and strengthening the association. So that a my finances, interest, and person, such as law-suit was immediately commenced against they are, I dedicate to your service." Count Trebasi, who, on his side, was not Renaldo was not slow in making his ac- idle, but prepared with incredible industry knowledgements to this generous Hibernian, for the assault, resolving to maintain with whom he informed of his scheme, recounting his whole power the acquisition he had made. to him his uncommon transaction with the The laws oflHungary, like those of some benevolent Jew, and communicating the let- other countries I could name, afford so many ters of recommendation he had received by subterfuges for the purposes of perfidy and his means to some of the first noblemen at fraud, that it is no wonder our youth began the imperial court. Meanwhile, he burned to complain of the slow progress of his affair: with impatience to chastise Count Trebasi especially as he glowed with the most eager for his perfidious conduct to the widow and desire of redressing the grievances of his the fatherless, and would have taken the road parent and sister, whose sufferings he did to Presburg without touching at Vienna, in not doubt were doubled since the institution order to call hitn to a severe account, had of his process against their tormentor. He not he been strenuously opposed by Major imparted his sentiments on this head to his Farrel, who represented the imprudence of friend; and, as his apprehensions every motaking such a step before he had secured a ment increased, plainly told him he could no proper protection from the consequences longer live without makingsome effort to see with which it might be attended. those with whom he was so nearly connected " It is not," said he, "your own life and in point of blood and affection; he therefore fortune only which depend upon your beha- resolved to repair immediately to Presburg, viour in this emergency, but also the quiet and according to the intelligence he should and happiness of those who are most dear procure, essay to see and converse with his to your affection; not you alone, but likewise mother, though at the hazard of his life. 502 SMOLLETT'S SELECT WORKS. the old lady and her daughter, before whoa. he said he had performed in his last peregriCHAPTER LVIII. nation. Though this question was asked with all that air of simplicity which is pecu Renaldo abridges the proceedings at law, liar to this people, one of the domestics took and approves himself the son of hisfather. the alarm, being infected with the suspicions of his master, and plainly taxed the major TaE major, finding him determined, insisted with being a spy, threatening at the same upon attending him in this expedition, and time that he should be stripped and searched. they set out together for Presburg, where This would have been a very dangerous they privately.arrived in the dark, resolving experiment for the Hibernian, who had aeto keep themselves concealed at the house tually in his pocket a letter to the countess of a friend, until they should have formed from her son, which he hoped fortune might some plan for their future operations. Here have furnished him with an opportunity to they were informed that Count Trebasi's deliver. When he therefore found himself castle was altogether inaccessible: that all in this dilemma, he was not at all easy in his the servants who were supposed to have the own mind: however, instead of protesting least veneration or compassion for the count- his innocence in an humble and beseeching ess were dismissed: and that, since Renaldo strain, in order to acquit himself of the charge, was known to be in Germany, the vigilance he resolved to elude the suspicion by provokand caution of that cruel husband were re- ing the wrath of his accuser, and, putting on doubled to such a degree, that nobody knew the air of vulgar integrity affronted, began whether his unfortunate lady was actually to reproach the servant in very insolent terms alive or dead. for his unfair supposition, and, undressing Farrel, perceiving Melviiexceedingly af- himself in a moment to the skin, threw his fected with this intimation, and hearing him tattered garments in the face of his adverdeclare that he would never quit Presburg, sary, telling him he would find nothing there until he should have entered the house, and which he would not be very glad to part with; removed his doubts on that interesting sub- at the same time raising his voice, he, in the ject, not only argued with great vehemence gibberish of the clan he represented, scolded against such an attempt, as equally danger- and cursed with great fluency, so that the ous and indiscreet, but solemnly swore he whole house resounded with the noise. The would prevent his purpose, by discovering valet's jealousy, like a smaller fire, was in a his design to the family, unless he would trice swallowed up in the greater flame of promise to listen to a more moderate and his rage enkindled by this abrupt address; in feasible expedient. He then proposed that consequence of which Farrel was kicked out he himself should appear in the equipage of at the gate, naked as he was to the waist, one of the travelling Savoyards who stroll after his lanthorn had been broken to pieces about Europe, amusing ignorant people with on his head; and there he was joined by his the effects of a magic lanthorn, and in that domestic, who had not been able to recover disguise endeavour to obtain admittance.from his apparel and effect a retreat, without inthe servants of Trebasi, among whom he curring marks of the same sort of distinction. might make such inquiries as would deliver The major, considering the risk he must Melvil from his present uneasy suspense. have run in being detected, thought himself This proposal was embraced, though re- cheaply quit for this moderate discipline, Iuctantly, by Renaldo, who was unwilling to though he was really concerned for his friend expose his friend to the least danger or dis- Renaldo, who, understanding the particulars grace; and the major being next day provi- of the adventure, determined, as the last ded with the habit and implements of his new effort, to ride round the castle in the open profession, together with a ragged attendant day, on pretence of taking the air, when, who preceded him, extorting music from a peradventure, the countess would see him paltry viol, approached the castle-gate, and from the place of her confinement, and favour proclaimed his show so naturally, in a yell him with some mark or token of her being partaking of the scream of Savoy and the alive. howl of Ireland, that one would have ima- Though:his companion did not much relish gined he had been conductor to Madam this plan, which he foresaw would expose Catherina from his cradle. So far his stra- hirm to the insults of Trebasi, yet, as he could tagem succeeded; he had not long stood in not contrive a better, he acquiesced in Rewaiting before he was invited into the court- naldo's invention, with the proviso, that he yard, where the servants formed a ring, and would defer the execution of it until his danced to the efforts of his companion's skill; father-in-law should be absent in the chase, then he was conducted into the buttery, which was a diversion he every day enjoyed. where he exhibited his figures on the wall, Accordingly they set a proper watch, and and his princess on the floor; and while they lay concealed until they were informed of regaled him in this manner with scraps and Trebasi's having gone forth, when they sour wine, he took occasion to inquire about mounted their horses and rode into the neigh ADVENTURES OF FERDINAND COUNT FATHOM. 503 bourhood of the castle. Having made a small nobleman in the neighbourhood. Our knightexcursion in the adjoining fields, they drew errant and his squire, deceived by this finesse, nearer the walls, and at an easy pace had presented themselves again under the prison twice circled them, when Farrel descried, at of the countess, who no sooner beheld her the top of a tower, a white handkerchief son return, than she earnestly entreated him waved by a woman's hand through the iron to be gone, by the same sign which she had bars that secured the window. This signal before used; and he taking it for granted that being pointed out to Renaldo, his heart be- she was debarred the use of pen, ink, and gan to throb with great violence; he made a paper, and that he had nothing more to exrespectful obeisance towards the part in pect, consented to retire, and had already which it appeared, and, perceiving the hand moved to some distance from the house, beckoning him to approach, advanced to the when, in crossing a small plantation that very buttress of the turret; upon which, see- belonged to the castle, they were met by ing something drop, he alighted with great Count Trebasi and another person on horseexpedition, and took up a picture of his father back. in miniature, the features of which he no At sight of this apparition, the blood mountsooner distinguished, than the tears ran down ed into Renaldo's cheeks, and his eyes began his cheeks; he pressed the little image to his to lighten with eagerness and indignation, lips with the most filial fervour; then con- which was not at all diminished by the feroueying it to his bosom, looked up to the hand, cious address of the count, who, advancing which waved in such a manner as gave him to Melvil with a menacing air,-" Before to understand it was high time to retire. you proceed," said he, "I must know with Being by this time highly persuaded that his what view you have been twice to-day pakind monitor was no other than the countess trollinog round my inclosures, and reconnoiherself, he pointed to his heart, in token of tring the different avenues of my house: you his filial affection, and laying his hand on likewise carry on a clandestine corresponhis sword, to denote his resolution of doing dence with some person in the family, of her justice, he took his leave with another which my honour obliges me to demand an profound bow, and suffered himself to be explanation." reconducted to his lodging. "Had your actions been always regulatel Every circumstance of this transaction by the dictates of honour," replied Renaldo, was observed by the servants of Count Tre- " I should never have been questioned for basi, who immediately dispatched a messen- riding round that castle, which you know is ger to their lord with an account of what had my rightful inheritance, or excluded from the happened. Alarmed at this information, sight of a parent who suffers under your from which he immediately concluded that tyranny and oppression. It is my part, therethe stranger was young Melvil, he forthwith fore, to expostulate; and, since fortune hath quitted the chase, and, returning to the castle favoured me with an opportunity of revenging by a private postern, ordered his horse to be our wrongs in person, we shall not part until kept ready saddled, in hope that his son-in- you have learned that the family of the Count law would repeat the visit to his mother. de Melvil is not to be injured with impunity. This precaution would have been to no pur- Here is no advantage on either side, in point pose, had Renaldo followed the advice of of arms or number; you are better mounted Farrel, who represented the danger of re- than I am, and shall have the choice of the turning to a place where the alarm was ground on which our difference ought to be undoubtedly given by his first appearance; brought to a speedy determination." and exhorted him to return to Vienna for Trebasi, whose courage was not of the the prosecution of his suit, now that he was sentimental kind, but purely owing to his satisfied of his mother's being alive. In order natural insensibility of danger, instead of to strengthen this admonition, he bade him concerting measures coolly for the engagerecollect the signal for withdrawing, which ment, or making any verbal reply to this was doubtless the effect of maternal concern, defiance, drew a pistol, without the least inspired by the knowledge of the count's hesitation, and fired it at the face of Renaldo, vigilance and vindictive disposition. part of whose left eye-brow was carried off Notwithstanding these suggestions, Melvil by the ball. Melvil was not slow in returnpersisted in his resolution of appearing once ing the compliment, which, as it was delibemore below the tower, on the supposition rate, proved the more decisive: for the shot that his mother, in expectation of his return, entering the count's right breast, made its had prepared a billet for his acceptance, from way to the back bone with such a shock as which he might obtain important intelligence. struck him to the ground: upon which the The major, seeing him lend a deaf ear to his other alighted, in order to improve the adremonstrances, was contented to attend him vantage he had gained. in his second expedition, which he pressed During this transaction, Farrel had well him to andertake that same afternoon, as nigh lost his life by the savage behaviour of Trebasi had taken care to circulate a report Trebasi's attendant, who had been a hussar Of his having gone to dine at the seat of a officer, and who, thinking it was his duty to 504 SMOLLETT'S SELECT WORKS. imitate the example of his patron on this he might put him in possession of his pateroccasion, discharged a pistol at the major, nal estate, and solicit his forgiveness for the before he had the least intimation of his de- offence he had given. sign. The Hibernian's horse being a com- His lady, far from waiting for the priest's mon hireling, and unaccustomed to stand intercession, no sooner understood the lamentfire, no sooner saw the flash of Trebasi's able situation of her husband, and found herpistol, than, starting aside, he happened to self at liberty, than she hastened to his apartplunge into a hole, and was overturned at ment,'expressed the utmost concern for his the very instant when the hussar's piece went misfortune, and tended him with truly conoff, so that no damage ensued to his rider, jugal tenderness and fidelity. Her son gladly who, pitching on his feet, flew with great obeyed the summons, and was received with nimbleness to his adversary, then, laying hold great civility and satisfaction by his fatheron one leg, dismounted him in a twinkling, in-law, who, in presence of the judge and and, seizing his throat as he lay, would have divers gentlemen assembled for that purpose, soon dispatched him without the use of fire- renounced all right and title to the fortune arms, had he not been prevented by his friend he had so unjustly usurped; disclosed the Renaldo, who desired him to desist, observ- name of the convent to which Mademoiselle ing, that his vengeance was already satisfied, de Melvil had been conveyed, dismissed all as the count seemed to be in the agonies of the agents of his iniquity, and being recondeath. The major was loth to quit his prey, ciled to his son-in-law, began to prepare as he thought his aggressor had acted in a himself in tranquillity for his latter end. treacherous manner; but recollecting that The countess was ovbrwhelmed with an there was no time to lose, because, in all excess of joy, when she embraced her long probability, the firing had alarmed the castle, lost son, who had proved himself so worthy he took his leave of the vanquished hussar, of his father; yet this joy was embittered, with a couple of hearty kicks, and, mounting by reflecting that she was made a widow by his horse, followed Melvil to the house of a the hands of that darling son,: for, though gentleman in the neighbourhood, who was she knew his honour demanded the sacrifice, kinsman to the countess, and very well dis- she could not lay aside that regard and venposed to grant him a secure retreat, until the eration which is attached to the name of troublesome consequences of this rencounter husband; and therefore resolved to retire should be overblown. into a monastery, where she could spend the Trebasi, though to the young gentleman remainder of her life in devotion, without he seemed speechless and insensible, had being exposed to any intercourse which might neither lost the use of his reason nor of his interfere with the delicacy of her sentiments tongue, but affected that extremity, in order on that subject. to avoid any further conversation with the victor. He was one of those people who never think of death until he knocks at the CHAPTER LiX. door, and then earnestly entreat him to excuse them for the present, and be so good as He is the messenger of happiness to his to call another time. The count had so often sister, who removes the film which had escaped unhurt in the course of his cam- long obstructed hi,, penetration, with paigns, that he looked upon himself as invul- regard to Count Fathorm. nerable, and set all danger at defiance. Though he had hitherto taken no care of the As the most endearing affection had always concerns of his soul, he had a large fund of subsisted betweern Renaldo and his sister, he superstition at bottom; and when the surgeon would not one moment deny himself the who examined his wound declared it was pleasure of fying to her embrace, and of mortal, all the terrors of futurity took hold being the glad messenger of her deliverance. on his imagination, andallthe misdemeanours Soon, therefore, as he understood the place of his life presented themselves in aggravated of her retreat, and had obtained a proper colours to his recollection. order to the abbess, signed by Count TrcHe implored the spiritual assistance of a basi, he set out post for Vienna, still accomgood priest in the neighbourhood, who, in panied by his faithful Hibernian, and, arrivthe discharge of his own conscience, gave ing at the convent, found the abbess and the him to understand that he had little mercy to whole house so engrossed in making preparaexpect, unless he would, as much as lay in tions for the ceremony of giving the veil next his power, redress the injuries he had done day to a young woman who had fulfilled the to his fellow-creatures. As nothing lay term of her probation, that he could not possheavier upon his soul than the cruelty and ibly see his sister with that leisure and fraud lie had practised upon the family of satisfaction which he had flattered himself Count Melvil, he earnestly besought this with enjoying at this meeting; and therefore charitable clergyman to mediate his pardon he was fain to bridle his impatience for two with the countess; and at the same time days, and keep his credentials until the hurry desired to see Renaldo before his death that should be over, that mademoiselle mighl ADVENTURES OF FERDINAND COUNT FATHOM. 505 have no intimation of her good fortune, ex- than she shrieked aloud with surprise, and cept from his own mouth. would have sunk upon the floor, had not he In order to fill up this tedious interval, he supported her in his embrace. visited his friends at court, who were rejoiced Such a sudden apparition of her brother at to hear the happy issue of his excursion to any time, or in any place, after their long Presburg: the prince, who was his particular separation, would have strongly affected this patron, desired he would make himself per- sensible young lady; but to find him so abfectly easy with regard to the death of Count ruptly in a place where she thought herself Trebasi, for he would take care to represent buried from the knowledge of all her relations, him in such a light to the empress-queen, as occasioned such commotions in her spirits would screen him from any danger of prose- as had well nigh endangered her reason; for cution on that account. His highness, more- it was not till after a considerable pause that over, appointed the following day for per- she could talk to him with connexion or forming the promise he had made of present- coherence. However, as those transports ing him to that august princess, and in the subsided, they entered into a more deliberate meantime prepossessed her so much in his and agreeable conversation, in the course of favour, that when he approached her pre- which he gradually informed her of what had sence, and was announced by his noble intro- passed at the castle; and inexpressible was ductor, she eyed him with a look of peculiar the pleasure she felt in learning that her complacency, saying, —" I am glad to see mother was released from captivity, herself you returned to my dominions. Your father restored to freedom, and her brother to the was a gallant officer, who served our house possession of his inheritance, by the only with equal courage and fidelity: and as I means to which she had always prayed these understand you tread in his footsteps, you blessings might be owing. may depend upon my favour and protection." As she had been treated with uncommon He was so much overwhelmed with this humanity by the abbess, she would not congracious reception, that, while he bowed in sent to leave the convent until he should be silence, the drops of gratitude trickled from ready to set out for Presburg; so that they his eyes; and her imperial majesty was so dined together with that good lady, and passed well pleased with this manifestation of his the afternoon in that mutual communication heart, that she immediately gave directions with which a brother and sister may be supfor promoting him to the command of a troop posed to entertain themselves on such an of horse. Thus Fortune seemed willing, and occasion. She gave him a detail of tile inindeed eager to discharge the debt she owed suits and mortifications she had suffered from him for the different calamities he had under- the brutality of her father-in-law: and told gone. And as he looked upon the generous him, that her confinement in this monastery Hebrew to be the sole source of his success, was owing to Trebasi's having intercepted a he did not fail to make him acquainted with letter to her from Renaldo, signifying his the happy effects of his recommendation and intention to return to the empire, in order to friendship, and to express, in the warmest assert his own right, and redress her grievterms, the deep sense he had of his uncom- ances. Then turning the discourse upon the mon benevolence, which, by the by, was still incidents of his peregrinations, she in a pargreater, with regard to Renaldo, than the ticular manner inquired about that exquisite reader as yet imagines; for he not only fur- beauty who had been the innocent source of nished him with money for his present occa- all his distresses, and upon whose perfections sions, but also gave him an unlimited credit he had often, in his letters to his sister, exon a banker in Vienna, to whom one of his patiated with indications of rapture arid deletters was directed. light. The ceremony of the nun's admission being This inquiry in a moment blew up that now performed, and the convent restored to scorching flame which had been well nigh its former quiet, Melvil hastened thither on stifled by other necessary avocations. His the wings of brotherly affection, and pre- eyes gleamed, his cheeks glowed and grew sented his letter to the abbess, who having pale alternately, and his whole frame underperused the contents, by which she learned went an immediate agitation; which being that the family disquiets of Count Trebasi perceived by mademoiselle, she concluded no longer subsisted, and that the bearer was that some new calamity was annexed to the the brother of mademoiselle, she received name of Monimia, and, dreading to rip up him with great politeness, congratulated him a wound which she saw was so ineffectually on this happy event, and begging he would closed, she for the present suppressed her excuse her staying with him in the parlour, curiosity and concern, and industriously enon pretence of business, withdrew, saying, deavoured to introduce some less affecting she would immediately send in a young lady subject of conversation. He saw her aim, who would console him for her absence. In approved of her discretion, and, joining her a few minutes he was joined by his sister, endeavours, expressed his surprise at her who, expecting nothing less than to see Re- having omitted to signify the least rememnaldo, no sooner distinguished his features, brance of her old favourite, Fathom, whom 30 506 SMOLLETT'S SELECT WORKS. he had left ill England. He had no sooner Perceiving her brother struck dumb with pronounced his name, than she suffered some astonishment, and gaping with the most confusion in her turn; from which, however, eager attention, she proceeded to relate the recollecting herself,-" Brother," said she, incidents of his double intrigue with the "you must endeavour to forget that wretch, jeweller's wife and daughter, as they were who is altogether unworthy of retaining the communicated to her by the nun, who was smallest share of your regard." no other than the individual Wilhelnmina. Astonished, and indeed angry, at this ex- After those rivals had been forsaken by their pression, which he considered as the effect gallant, their mutual animosities and chagrin of malicious misrepresentation, he gently served to whet the attention and invention chid her for her credulity in believing the of each; so that in a little time the whole envious aspersion of some person who repin- mystery stood disclosed to both. The mothei ed at the superior virtue of Fathom, whom had discovered the daughter's correspondhe affirmed to be an honour to the human ence with Fathom, as we have formerly obhspecies. served, by means of that unfortunate letter, " Nothing is more easy," replied the young which he unwittingly committed to the lady, "than to impose upon a person, who, charge of the old beldame: and, as soon as being himself unconscious of guile, suspects she understood he was without the reach of no deceit. You have been a dupe, dear all solicitations or prosecution, imparted this brother, not to the finesse of Fathom, but to billet to her husband, whose fury was so the sincerity of your own heart. For my ungovernable, that he had almost sacrificed own part, I assume no honour to my own Wilhelmina with his own hands, especially penetration in having comprehended the vil- when, terrified by his threats and imprecalainy of that impostor, which was discovered, tions, she owned that she had bestowed the in more than one instance, by accidents I chain on this perfidious lover. However, his could not possibly foresee. dreadful purpose was prevented, partly by " You must know, that Teresa, who at- the interposition of his wife, whose aim was tended me from my childhood, and in whose not the death, but the immurement, of his honesty I reposed such confidence, having daughter, and partly by the tears and supplidisobliged some of the inferior servants, was cation of the young gentlewoman herself, so narrowly watched in all her transactions, who protested, that although the ceremony as to be at last detected in the very act of of the church had not been performed, she conveying a piece of plate, which was actu- was contracted to Fathom by the most ally found concealed among her clothes. solemn vows, to witness which he involked "' You may guess how much I was aston- all the saints in heaven. ished when I understood this circumstance; The jeweller, upon cooler consideration, I could not trust to the evidence of my own was unwilling to lose the last spark of hope senses, and should have still believed her in- that glittered among the ruins of his despair, nocent, in spite of ocular demonstration, had and resisted all the importunities of his wife, not she, in the terrors of being tried for felo- who pressed him to consult the welfare of ny, promised to make a very material disco- his daughter's soul, in the fond expectation very to the countess, provided she would of finding some expedient to lure back the take such measures as would save her life. chain and its possessor. In the mean time " This request being complied with, she, Wilhelmina was daily and hourly exposed to in my hearing, opened up such an amazing the mortifying animadversions of her mamma, scene of iniquity, baseness, and ingratitude, who, with all the insolence of virtue, incesswhich had been acted by her and Fathom, in antly upbraided her with the backslidings order to defraud the family to which they of her vicious life, and exhorted her to rewere so much indebted, that I could not have formation and repentance. This continual believed the human mind capable of such triumph lasted for many months, till at degeneracy, or that traitor endowed with length a quarrel happened between the mosuch pernicious cunning and dissimulation, ther and the gossip at whose house she used had not her tale been congruous, consistent, to give the rendezvous to her admirers; that and distinct, and fraught with circumstances incensed confidant, in the precipitation of that left no room to doubt the least article of her anger, promulgated the history of those her confession; on consideration of which secret meetings; and, among the rest, her she was permitted to go into voluntary interviews with Fathom were brought to exile." light. She then explained their combination in The first people who hear news of this all the particulars, as we have already re- sort are generally those to whom they are counted them in their proper place, and most unwelcome. The German was soon finally observed, that the opinion she had apprised of his wife's frailty, and considered hence conceived of Fathom's character, was the two females of his house as a couple of confirmed by what she had since learned devils incarnate, sent from hell to exercise of his perfidious conduct towards that very his patience: yet, In the midst of his disnun who nad lately taken the veil. pleasure, he found matter of consolation, in ADVENTURES OF FERDINAND COUNT FATHOM. 507 being furnished with a sufficient reason for pectation which had been so cruelly cut off. parting with his helpmate, who had for many He now wished to find Fathom as black as years kept his family in disquiet. He, there- he had been exhibited, that MIonimia's aposlore, without hazarding a personal confer- tacy might. be numbered among the misreence, sent proposals to her by a friend,:which presentations of his treachery and fraud. she did not think proper to reject; and, see- His love, which was alike generous and ing himself restored to the dominion of his ardent, espoused the cause, and he no longer own house, exerted his sway so tyrannically, doubted her constancy and virtue. But when that Wilhelmina became weary of her life, he reflected how her tender heart must have and had recourse to the comforts offreligion, been wrung with anguish at his unkindness of which she soon became enamoured, and and cruelty, in leaving her destitute in a begged her father's permission to dedicate foreign land; how her sensibility must have the rest of her life to the duties of devotion. been tortured in finding herself altogether She was accordingly received into this con- dependent upon a ruffian, who certainly harvent, the regulations of which were so much boured the most baleful designs upon her to her liking, that she performed the task of honour; how her life must be endangered probation with pleasure, and voluntarily ex- both by his barbarity and her own despaircluded herself from the vanities of this life. I say, when he reflected on these circumIt was here she had contracted an acquaint- stances, he shuddered with horror and disance with Mademoiselle de Melvil, to whom may; and that very night dispatched a letter she communicated her complaints of Fa- to his friend the Jew, entreating him, in the thorn, on the supposition that he was related most pressing manner, to employ all his to the count, as he himself had often declared. intelligence in learning the situation of' the While the young lady rehearsed the par- fair orphan, that she might be protected ticulars of this detail, Renaldo sustained a from the villainy of Fathom, until his return strange vicissitude of different passions. to England.'Surprise, sorrow, fear, hope, and indignation, raised a most tumultuous conflict in his bosom. Monimia rushed upon his imagina- CHAPTER LX. tion in the character of innocence betrayed by the insinuations of treachery. He with Herecompenses the attachment of hisfriend, horror viewed her at the mercy of a villain, and receives a letter that reduces him tc who had broken all the ties of gratitude and the verge of death and distraction. hlonour. Affrighted at the prospect, he started from THIS step being taken,:his mind in some his seat, exclaiming, in the most unconnect- measure retrieved its former tranquillity: he ed strain of distraction and despair,-" Have soothed himself with the prospect of a happy I then nourished a serpent in my bosom! reconciliation with the divine Monimia, and Have I listened to the voice of a traitor, who his fancy was decoyed from every disafgreeahlath murdered my peace! who hath torn my ble presage by the entertaining conversation heart-strings asunder, and perhaps ruined of his sister, with whom in two days he set the pattern of all earthly perfection. It can- out for Presburg, attended by his friend the not be. Heaven would not suffer such in-'major, who had never quitted him since their fernal artifice to take effect. The thunder meeting at Brussels. Here they found Count would be levelled against the accursed pro- Trebasi entirely rid of the fever which had jector." been occasioned by his wound, and in a fair From this transport, compared with his way of doing well; a.circumstance that agitation when she mentioned Monimia, his afforded unspeakable pleasure to Melvil, sister judged that Fathom had been the oc- whose manner ofthinking was such, as would casion of a breach between the two lovers; have made him unhappy, could he have and this conjecture being confirmed by the charged himself with the death of his mother's disjointed answers he made to her interroga- husband, howsoever criminal he might have tioiis upon the affair, she endeavoured'to been. calm his apprehensions, by representing that The count's ferocity did not return with he would soon have an opportunity of re- his health. His eyes were opened by the.urninf to England, where the misunder- danger he had incurred, and his sentiments standing might be easily cleared up; and turned into a new channel: he heartily asked that, in the mean time, he had nothing to: pardon of mademnoiselle for the rigorous usage ~fear on account ofthe person of his mistress, she had suffered from the violence of his in a country where individuals were so well temper; thanked Renaldo for the seasonable protected by the laws and constitution of the:lesson he had administered to him; and not realm. At length he suffered himself to be only insisted upon being removed from the -flattered with the fond hope of seeing Mo- castle to a house of his own at Presburg, ouL nlmia's character triumph in the inquiry, of proffered to make immediate restitution of retrieving that lost jewel, and of renewing all the rents which he had unjustly converted that ravishing intercourse and exalted ex- to his own use. 43 508 SMOLLETT'S SELECT WORKS. These things being settled in the most he carried on his addresses in the usual form, amicable manner, to the entire satisfaction so much to the satisfaction of all concerned of the parties concerned, as well as of the in the event, that a day was appointed for neighbouring noblesse, among whom the the celebration of his nuptials, when he enhouse of Melvil was in universal esteem, tered into peaceable possession of his prize. Renaldo resolved to solicit leave at the im- A few days after this joyful occasion, while perial court to return to England, in order to Renaldo was at Vienna, where he had been investigate the affair of Monimia,' which was indulged with leave of absence for six months, more interesting than all the points he had and employed in making preparations for his hitherto adjusted. But, before he quitted journey to Britain, he was one evening prePresburg, his friend Farrel, taking him aside sented by his servant with a packet from one day,-" Count," said he, " will you give London, which he no sooner opened, than me leave to ask, if, by my zeal and attach- he found inclosed a letter directed to him in ment for you, I have had the good fortune to the handwriting of Monimia. He was so acquire your esteem?" " To doubt that much affected at sight of those well-known esteem," replied Renaldo, " were to suspect characters, that he stood motionless as a my gratitude and honour, of which I must be statue, eager to know the contents, yet afraid utterly destitute before I lose the sense of to peruse the billet. While he hesitated in those obligations I owe to your gallantry and this suspense, he chanced to cast his eye on friendship-obligations which I long for a the inside of the cover, and perceived the proper occasion to repay." name of his Jewish friend at the bottom of a c, Well then," resumed the major, "I will few lines, importing, that the inclosed was deal with you like a downright Swiss, and delivered to him by a physician of his acpoint out a method by which you may shift quaintance, who had recommended it in a the load of obligation from your own shoulders particular manner to his care. This intimato mine. You know my birth, rank, and tion served only to increase the mystery, and expectations in the service: but perhaps you whet his impatience: and as he had the do not know, that, as my expense has always explanation in his hand, he summoned all unavoidably exceeded my income, I find my- his resolution to his aid, and breaking the selfa little out at elbows in my circumstances, seal, began to read these words.-" Renaldo and want to piece them up by matrimony. will not suppose that this address proceeds Of those ladies with whom I think I have any from interested motives, when he learns, chance of succeeding, Mademoiselle de Mel- that, before it can be presented to his view, vil seems the best qualified to render my the unfortunate Monimia will be no more." situation happy in all respects. Her fortune Here the light forsook Renaldo's eyes, his is more than sufficient to disembarrass my knees knocked together, and he fell at full affairs; her good sense will be a seasonable length insensible on the floor: his valet hearcheck upon my vivacity; her agreeable ac- ing the noise, ran into the apartment, lifted complishments will engage a continuation of him upon a couch, and dispatched a messentaffection and regard: I know my own dispo- ger for proper assistance, while he himself sition well enough to think I shall become a endeavoured to recall his spirits by such apmost dutiful and tractable husband; and shall plications as chance afforded: but before the deem myself highly honoured in being more count exhibited any signs of life, his brotherclosely united to my dear Count de Melvil, in-law entered his chamber by accident, and the son and representative of that worthy as soon as he recollected himself from the officer under whom my youth was formed. extreme confusion and concern produced by If you will therefore sanction my claim, I this melancholy spectacle, he perceived the will forthwith begin my approaches, and fatal epistle, which Melvil, though insensible, doubt not, under your auspices, to bring the still kept within his grasp; justly suspecting place to a capitulation." this to be the cause of that severe paroxysm, Renaldo was pleased with the fiankness he drew near the couch, and with difficulty of this declaration, approved of his demand, read what is above rehearsed, and the sequel, and desired him to depend upon his good to this effect:offices with his sister, whom he sounded that " Yes, I have taken such measures as will same evening upon the subject, recommend- prevent it from falling into your hands, until ing the major to her favour, as a gentleman after I shall have been released from a being well worthy of her choice. Mademoiselle, embittered with inexpressible misery and who had never been exercised in the coquet- anguish. It is not my intention, once loved, ries of her sex, and was now arrived at those and, ah! still too fondly remembered youth, years when the vanity of youth ought to yield to upbraid you as the source of that unceas-'o discretion, considered the proposal as a ing woe which hath been so long the sole philosopher, and, after due deliberation, can- inhabitant of my lonely bosom. I will not dlidly owned she had no objections to the call you inconstant or unkind. I dare not tnatch. Farrel was accordingly introduced think you base or dishonourable; yet I was in the character of a lover, after the permiss- abruptly sacrificed to a triumphant rival, ion of the countess had been obtained; and before I had learned to bear such mortifica ADVENTURES OF FERDINAND COUNT FATHOM. 509 tion; before I had overcome the prejudices would have concealed it from the knowledge which I had imbibed in my father's house, I of his family, had not the physician, by dewas all at once abandoned to despair, to spairing of his life, laid him under the necessindigence, and distress, to the vile practices ity of making them acquainted with his conof a villain, who, I- fear, hath betrayed us dition. both. What have not I suffered from the The countess and Mrs Farrel were no insults and vicious designs of that wretch, sooner informed of his case, than they hastwhom you cherished in your bosom! yet to ened to the melancholy scene, where they these I owe this near approach to that goal found Renaldo deprived of his senses, pantof peace, where the canker-worm of sorrow ing under the rage of an exasperated disease. will expire. Beware of that artful traitor; They saw his face distorted, and his eyes and, oh! endeavour to overcome that levity glaring with frenzy: they heard him invoke of disposition, which, if indulged, will not the name of Monimia, with a tenderness of only stain your reputation, but also debauch accent, which even the impulse of madness the good qualities of your heart. I release could not destroy. Then, with a sudden you in the sight of Heaven from all obliga- transition of tone and gesture, he denounced tions: if I have been injured, let not my vengeance against her betrayer, and called wrongs be visited on the head of Renaldo, upon the north wind to cool the fervour of his for whom shall be offered up the last fervent brain. His hair hung in dishevelled parcels, prayers of the hapless Monirnia." his cheeks were wan, his looks ghastly, his This letter was a clue to the labyrinth of vigour was fled, and all the glory of his youth Melvil's distress: though the major had never faded: the physician hung his head in silence, heard him mention the name of this beauty, the attendants wrung their hands in despair, he had received such hints from his own wife, and the countenance of his friend was battled as enabled him to comprehend the whole of in tears. the count's disaster. By the administration Such a picture would have moved the most of stimulating mnedicines Renaldo recovered obdurate heart: what impression, then, must his perception: but this was a cruel alterna- it have made upon a parent and sister, melttive, considering the situation of his thoughts. ing with all the enthusiasm of affection! the The first word he pronounced was Monimia, mother was struck dumb, and stupified with with all the emphasis of the most violent grief: the sister threw herself on the bed in despair: he perused the letter, and poured a transport of sorrow, caught her loved Reforth incoherent execrations against Fathom naldo in her arms, and was, with great diffiand himself. He exclaimed in a frantic tone, culty, torn from his embrace. Such was the "-She is lost for ever! murdered by my dismal reverse that overtook the late so happy unkindness! we are both undone by the in- family of Melvil; such was the extremity to fernal arts of Fathom! Execrable monster! which the treachery of Fathom had reduced restore her to my arms. If thou art not a his best benefactor! fiend in reality, I will tear out thy false Three days did nature struggle with surheart." prising efforts, and then the constitution So saying, he sprung upon his valet, who seemed to sink under the victorious fever: would have fallen a sacrifice to his undistin- yet as his strength diminished, his delirium guishing fury, had not he been saved by the abated, and on the fifth morning he looked interposition of Farrel and the family, who round, and recognised his weeping friends. disengaged him from his master's gripe by Though now exhausted to the lowest ebb of dint of force; yet, notwithstanding their joint life, he retained the perfect use of speech, endeavours, he broke from this restraint, and his reason being quite unclouded, spoke leaped upon the floor, and seizing his sword, to each with equal kindness and composure; attempted to plunge it in his own breast. he congratulated himself upon the sight of When he was once more overcome by num- shore, after the horrors of such a tempest: hers, he cursed himself, and all those who called upon the countess and his sister, who withheld him; swore he would not survive were not permitted to see him at such a conthe fair victim, who had perished by his cre- juncture, and being apprised by the major of dulity and indiscretion; and the agitation of his reason for excluding them from his prehis spirits increased to such a degree, that sence, he applauded his concern, bequeathed he was seized with strong convulsions, which them to his future care, and took leave of nature was scarce able to sustain: every that gentleman with a cordial embrace. medical expedient was used to quiet this per- Then he desired to be left in private with a turbation, which at length yielded so far as certain clergyman, who regulated the conto subside into a continual fever, and con- cerns of his soul; and he being dismissed, firmed delirium, during which he ceased not turned his face from the light, in expectation to pour forth the most pathetic complaints, of his final discharge. In a few minutes all touching his ruined love, and to rave about was still and dreary; he was no longer heard the ill-starred Monimia. The major, half to breathe; no more the stream of life was distracted by the calamity of his friend, perceived to circulate; he was supposed to 510 SMOLLETT'S SELECT WORKS. be absolved from all his cares, and a univer- his distemper was mastered, the fatal cause sal groan from the by-standers announced of it still rankled at his heart, and he conthe decease of the gallant, generous, and sidered this respite from death as a protractender-hearted Renaldo. tion of his misery. "Come hither, ye whom the pride of youth When he was congratulated by the major and health, of birth and affluence, inflames; on the triumph of his constitution, he replied, who tread the flowery maze of pleasure, with a groan,-" I would to Heaven it had trusting to the fruition of ever-circling joys: been otherwise; for I am reserved for all the ye who glory in your accomplishments, who horrors of the most poignant sorrow and indulge the viewsofambition, and lay schemes remorse. 0 Monimia! iAonimia! I hoped for future happiness and grandeur; contem- by this time to have convinced thy gentle plate here the vanity of life: behold how low shade, that I was, at least intentionally, inthis excellent young man is laid! mowed nocent of that ruthless barbarity which hath down even in the blossom of his youth, when brought thee to an untimely grave. Heaven fortune seemed to open all her treasures to and earth! do I still survive the conscioushis worth!" ness of that dire catastrophe! and lives the Such were the reflections of the generous atrocious villain who hath blasted all our Farrel, who, while he performed the last hopes." office of friendship, in closing the eyes of the With these last words, the fire darted from much-lamented Melvil, perceived a warmth his eyes, and his brother, snatching this ocon the skin, which the hand of death seldom casional handle for reconciling him to life, leaves unextinguished. This uncommon sen- joined in his exclamations against the treasation he reported to the physician, who, cherous Fathom, and observed, that he should though he could feel no pulsation in the heart not, in point of honour, wish to die, until he or arteries, conjectured that life still lingered should have sacrificed that traitor to the in some of its interior haunts, and immediately manes of the beauteous Monimia. This ordered such applications to the extremities incitement acted as a spur upon exhausted and surface of the body, as might help to nature, causing the blood to circulate with concentrate and reinforce the natural heat. fresh vigour, and encouraging him to take By these prescriptions, which, for some such sustenance as would recruit his strength, time, produced no sensible effect, the embers and repair the damage which his health had were, in all probability, kept glowing, and sustained. the vital power revived; for, after a consi- His sister assiduously attended him in his derable pause, respiration was gradually re- recovery, flattering his appetite, and amusing newed at long intervals, a languid motion his sorrow, at the same time; the clergyman was perceived at the heart, a few feeble and assailed his despondence with religious weairregular pulsations were felt at the wrist, pons, as well as with arguments drawn from the clay-coloured livery of death began to philosophy; and the fury of his passions vanish from his face; the circulation acquired being already expended, he became so tractanew force, and he opened his eyes with a ble as to listen to his remonstrances: but sigh, which proclaimed his return from the notwithstanding the joint endeavours of all shades of death. his friends, a deep fixed melancholy remained, When he recovered the faculty of swal- after every consequence of his disease had lowing, a cordial was administered; and vanished. In vain they essayed to elude his whether the fever abated, in consequence of grief by gaiety and diversions: in vain they the blood's being cooled and condensed dur- tried to decoy his heart into some new enLng the recess of action in the solids, or gagement. nature, in that agony, had prepared a proper These kind attempts served only to feed channel for the expulsion of the disease, cer- and nourish that melancholy which pined tain it is, he was, from this moment, rid of within his bosom. Monimia still haunted all bodily pain; he retrieved the animal func- him in the midst of these amusements, while tions, and nothing remained of his malady his reflection whispered to him,-" Pleasures but an extreme weakness and languor, the like these I might have relished with her pareffect of nature's being fatigued in the battle ticipation." That darling idea mingled in she had won. all the female assemblies at which lihe was Unutterable was the joy that took possess- present, eclipsing their attractions, and enion of his mother and sister, when Farrel hancing the bitterness of his loss; for absence, flew into their apartment, to intimate this enthusiasm, and even his despair, had heighthappy turn. Scarce could they be restrained ened the charms of the fair orphan into somefrom pouring forth their transports in the thing supernatural and divine. presence of Renaldo, who was still too feeble Time, that commonly weakens the traces to endure such communication: indeed he of remembrance, seemed to deepen its imwas extremely mortified and dejected at this pressions in his breast. Nightly, in his event, which had diffused such pleasure and dreams, did he converse with his dear Mosatisfaction among his friends- for, though nimia; sometimes on the verdant bank of a ADVENTURES OF FERDINAND COUNT FATHOM. 511 delightful stream, where he breathed in soft murmurs the dictates of his love and admiration; sometimes reclined within the tufted CHAPTER LXI. grove, his arm encircled and sustained her snowy neck, whilst she, with looks of love Renaldo meets with a livinfg monument of ineffable, gazed on his face, invoking Heaven justice, and encounters a personage of to bless her husband and her lord. Yet, some note in these memoirs. even in these illusions, was his fancy oft alarmed for the ill-fated fair. Sometimes he As this domestic was very well qualified for viewed her tottering on the brink of a steep making all the proper dispositions, and adprecipice, far distant from his helping hand; justing every necessary article on the road, at other times she seemed to sail along the Renaldo totally abstracted himself from boisterous tide, imploring his assistance;- earthly considerations, and mused without then would he start with horror from his ceasing on that theme which was the consleep, and feel his sorrows more than realized; stant subject of his contemplation. He he deserted his couch-he avoided the so- was blind to the objects that surrounded ciety of mankind-he courted sequestered him; he scarce ever felt the importunities shades, where he could indulge his melan- of nature; and had not they been reinforced choly; there his mind brooded over his ca- by the pressing entreaties of his attendant, lamity, until his imagination became familiar he would have proceeded without refreshwith all the ravages of death: it contem- ment or repose. In this absence of mind did plated the gradual decline of Monimia's he traverse a great part of Germany, in his nealth; her tears, her distress, her despair, way to the Austrian Netherlands, and arrived at LIis imagined cruelty; he saw through that at the fortress of Luxemburg, where he was perspective every blossom of her beauty obliged to tarry a whole day, on account of wither, every sparkle vanish from her eyes; an accident which had happened to his he beheld her faded lips, her pale cheek, and chaise. Here he went to view the fortificaher inanimated features, the symmetry of tions; and, as he walked along the ramparts, which not death itself was able to destroy. his ears were saluted with these words:His fancy conveyed her breathless corse to " Heaven bless the noble Count de Melvil! the cold grave, over which, perhaps, no tear will not he turn the eyes of compassion on humane was shed, where her delicate limbs an old fellow-soldier reduced to misfortune were consigned to dust, where she was dished and disgrace?" out a delicious banquet to the unsparing Surprised at this address, which was atworm. tended with the clanking of chains, Renaldo Over these pictures he dwelt with a sort lifted up his eyes, and perceived the person of pleasing anguish, until he became so who spoke to be one of two malefactors enamoured of her tomb, that he could no shackled together, who had been sentenced longer resist the desire that compelled him for some crime to work as labourers on the to make a pilgrimage to the dear hallowed fortifications. His face was so covered with spot, where all his once gay hopes lay buried; hair, and his whole appearance so disguised that he might nightly visit the silent habita- by the squalid habit which he wore, that the tion of his ruined love, embrace the sacred count could not recollect his features, until earth with which she was now compounded, he gave him to understand that his name moisten it with his tears, and bid the turf lie was Ratchcali. Melvil immediately recogeasy on her breast. Besides the prospect of nised his fellow-student at Vienna, and his this gloomy enjoyment, he was urged to re- brother volunteer upon the Rhine, and exturn to England, by an eager desire of taking pressed equal surprise and concern at seeing vengeance on the perfidious Fathom, as well him in such a deplorable situation. as of acquitting himself of the obligations he Nothing renders the soul so callous and owed in that kingdom to those who had insensible as the searing brands of infamy assisted him in his distress. He therefore and disgrace. Without betraying the leas[t communicated his intention to Farrel, who symptoms of shame or confusion,-" Count," would have insisted upon attending him in says he, "this is the fate of war, at least of the journey, had not he been conjured to stay the war in which I have been engaged ever and manage Renaldo's affairs in his absence. since I took leave of the imperial army, and Every previous step being taken, he took retreated with your old companion Fathom. leave of the countess and his sister, who had, Long life to that original genius! If he is with all their interest and elocution, opposed not unhappily eclipsed by some unfortunate his design, the execution of which, they interposition before his terrene parts are justly feared, would, instead of dissipating, purified, I foresee that he will shine a star augment his chagrin; and now, seeing him of the first magnitude in the world of addetermined, they shed a flood of tears at his venture." departure, and he set out from Vienna in a At mention of this detested name, Renal, post-chaise, accompanied by a truskty valet- do's heart began to throb with indignation; de-chambre on horseback. yet he suppressed the emotion, and desired 43* 512 SMOLLETT'S SELECT WORKS. to know the meaning of that splendid en- arrest: and being unhappily known by some comiurn which he had bestowed upon his soldiers of the prince's guard, my character confederate. "It would be quite unneces- turned out so little to the approbation of the sary," replied Ratchcali, "for a man in my inquisitors, that all my effects were confispresent situation to equivocate or disguise cated for the benefit of the state, and I was, the truth. The nature of my disgrace is by a formal sentence, condemned to labour perfectly well known; I am condemned to on the fortifications all the days of my life; hard labour for life; and unless some lucky while Maurice escaped at the expense of five accident (which I cannot now foresee) shall hundred stripes, which he received in public intervene, all I can expect is some alleviation from the hands of the common executioner. of my hard lot from the generosity of such "Thus have I, without evasion or mental gentlemen as you, who compassionate the reservation, given a faithful account of the sufferings of your fellow-creatures. In order steps by which I have arrived at this barrier, to engage your benevolence the more in my which is likely to be the ne plus ultra of my behalf, I shall (if you will give me the hear- peregrinations, unless the generous Count ing) faithfully inform you of some particulars, de Melvil will deign to interpose his interest which it may import you to know, concern- in behalf of an old fellow-soldier, who may ing my old acquaintance Ferdinand Count yet live to justify his mediation." Fathom, whose real character hath perhaps Renaldo had no reason to doubt the truth hitherto escaped your notice." of this story, every circumstance of which Then he proceeded to give a regular detail tended to corroborate the intelligence he had of all the strokes of finesse which he, in con- already received touching the character of junction with our adventurer, had practised Fathom, whom he now considered with a upon Melvil and others during their residence double portion of abhorrence, as the Rnost at Vienna, and the campaigns they had made abandoned miscreant that nature had ever upon the Rhine. He explained the nature produced. Though Ratchcali did not posof the robbery which was supposed to have sess a much higher place in his opinion, he been done by the count's valet, together with favoured him with marks of his bounty, and the manner of their desertion; he described exhorted him, if possible, to reform his his separation from Fathom, their meeting heart: but he would by no means promise to at London, the traffic they carried on in co- interpose his credit in favour of a wretch partnership, and the misfortune that reduced self-convicted of such enormous villainy and Ferdinand to the condition in which he was fraud. He could not help moralizing upon bund by Melvil. this rencounter, which inspired him with "After having gratified the honest lawyer," great contempt for human nature; and next said he, " with a share of the unfortunate day he proceeded on his journey with a Fathom's spoils, and packed up all my own val- heavy heart, ruminating on the perfidy of uable effects, my new auxiliary Maurice and I mankind, and, between whiles, transported posted to Harwich, embarked in the packet- with the prospect of revenging all his calamiboat, and next day arrived at Helvoetsluys; ties upon the accursed author. fiom thence we repaired to the Hague, in While he was wrapped up in these reveorder to mingle in the gaieties of the place, ries, his carriage rolled along, and had already and exercise our talents at play, which is entered a wood between Mons and Tournay, there cultivated with universal eagerness: when his dream was suddenly interrupted by but chancing to meet with an old acquaint- the explosion of several pistols that were tance, whom I d.id not at all desire to see, fired among the thickets at a little distance I found it convenient to withdraw softly to from the road. Roused at this alarm, he Rotterdam; from whence we set out for snatched his sword that stood by him, and, Antwerp; and, having made a tour of the springing from the chaise, ran directly toAustrian Netherlands, set up our rest at wards the spot, being close followed by his Brussels, and concerted a plan for laying the valet, who had alighted and armed himself Flemings under contribution. with a pistol in each hand. About forty "From our appearance we procured ad- yards from the highway, they arrived in a mission into the most polite assemblies, and little glade or opening, where they saw a succeeded to a wonder in all our operations, single man standing at bay against five banuntil our career was unfortunately checked ditti, after having killed one of their comby the indiscretion of my ally, who, being panions, and lost his own horse, that lay detected in the very act of conveying a card, dead upon the ground. was immediately introduced to a magistrate: Melvil seeing this odds, and immediately and this minister of justice was so curious, guessing their design, rushed among them inquisitive, and clear-sighted, that Count without hesitation, and in an instant ran his Maurice, finding it impossible to elude his sword through the heart of one whose hand penetration, was fain to stioulate for his own was raised to smite the gentleman behind, safety, by giving up his friend to the cogni- while he was engaged with the rest in front. zance of the law. I was accordingly appre- At the same time the valet disabled another lended, before I knew the cause of my by a shot in the shoulder; so that the num ADVENTURES OF FERDINAND COUNT FATIHOM. 513 ber being now equal on both sides, a furious and quiet the apprehensions of his mind, with combat ensued, every man being paired with that reflection; and protested, that he himan antagonist, and each having recourse to self would not quit the house while his atswords, as all their pieces had been dis- tendance should be deemed necessary for the charged. Renaldo's adversary, finding him- stranger's cure, or his conversation conduself pressed with equal fury and skill, re- cive to his amusement. treated gradually among the trees, until he These assurances, considered with the vanished altogether into the thickest of the heroic part which the young Hungarian had wood; and his two companions followed his already acted in his behalf, inspired the cavaexample with great ease, the valet-de-cham- lier with such a sublime idea of Melvil, that bre being hurt in the leg, and the stranger so he gazed upon him with silent astonishment, much exhausted by the wounds he had re- as an angel sent from heaven fbr his succour; ceived before Renaldo's interposition, that, and, in the transport of his gratitude, could when the young gentleman approached to not help exclaiming,-" Sure Providence congratulate him on the defeat of the robbers, hath still something in reserve for this unhe, in advancing to embrace his deliverer, fortunate wretch, in whose favour such a dropped down motionless on the grass. miracle of courage and generosity hath interThe count, with that warmth of sympathy posed!" and benevolence which was natural to his Being accommodated with proper care and heart, lifted up the wounded cavalier in his attendance, his constitution in a little time arms, and carried him to the chaise, in which overcame the fever; and, at the third dresshe was deposited, while the valet-de-chambre ing, the surgeon declared him out of all danreloaded his pistols, and prepared for a second ger from his wounds. Then was Renaldo attack, as they did not doubt that the banditti indulged with opportunities of conversing would return with a reinforcement. How- with the patient, and of inquiring into the ever, before they re-appeared, Renaldo's particulars of his fortune and designs in life, driver disengaged him from the wood, and in with a view to manifest the inclination he less than a quarter of an hour they arrived felt to serve him in his future occasions. at a village, where they halted for assistance The more this stranger contemplated the to the stranger, who, though still alive, had character of the count, the more his amazenot recovered the use of his senses. ment increased, on account of his extraorAfterhe was undressed, and laid in a warm dinary benevolence in favour of a person bed, a surgeon examined his body, and found whose merit he could not possibly know: he a wound in his neck by a sword, and another even expressed his surprise on this subject to in his right side, occasioned by a pistol-shot; Renaldo, who at length told him, that, so that his prognostic was very dubious: although his best offices should always be meanwhile, lie applied proper dressings to ready for the occasions of any gentleman in both; and, in half an hour after this adminis- distress, his particular attachment and retration, the gentleman gave some tokens of gard to him was improved by an additional perception. He looked around him with a consideration.-" I am no stranger," said he, wildness of fury in his aspect, as if lie had " to the virtues and honour of the gallant Don thought himself in the hands of the robbers Diego de Zelos." by whom he had been attacked: but, when "Heaven and earth!" cried the stranger, he saw the assiduity with which the by- starting from his seat with extreme emotion, standers exerted themselves in his behalf, " do I then live to hear myself addressed by one raising his head from the pillow, while that long lost appellation? My heart glows another exhorted him to swallow a little wine at the expression! my spirits are kindled which was warmed for the purpose; when with a flame that thrills through every nerve! he beheld the sympathizing looks of all pre- Say, young gentleman, if you are really ain sent, and heard himself accosted in the most inhabitant of earth, by what means are you cordial terms by the person whom he recol- acquainted with the un happy name of Zelos?" lected as his deliverer, all the severity van- In answer to this eager interrogation, Reished from his countenance; he took Renal- naldo gave him to understand, that, in the do's hand, and pressed it to his lips; and, course of his travels, he had resided a short wslile the tears gushed from his eyes,- time at Seville, where he had frequently seen' Praised be God," said he, "that virtue and Don Diego, and often heard his character generosity are still to be found among the mentioned with uncommon esteem and veneions of men." ration. "Alas!" replied the Castilian, "that Everybody in the apartment was affected justice is no longer done to the wretchedI by this exclamation; and Melvil, above all Zelos; his honours are blasted, and his reputhe rest, felt such emotions as he could tation canker-bitten by the venomous tooth scarcely restrain. He entreated the gentle- of slander." man to believe himself in the midst of such He then proceeded to unfold his misforfriends as would effectually secure him from tunes, as they have already been explained all violence and mortification; he conjured in the former part of these memoirs; at the him to compose the perturbation of his spirits, recapitulation of which, the heart of Melvil} 3P 514 SMOLLETT'S SELECT WORKS. being intendered by his own calamities, was "I had borne greater calamities without so deeply affected, that he re-echoed the being driven to despair; I summoned all my groans of Don Diego, and wept over his suf- fortitude to my assistance, and resolved to thrings with the most filial sympathy. When live in spite of affliction. Thus determined, he repeated the story of that cruel fraud I betook myself to the house of a general which was practised upon him by the faith- officer whose character was fair in the world; less Fadini, Melvil, whose mind and imagi- and having obtained admission inconsequence nation teemed with the villainies of Fathom, of my oriental appearance, —" To a man of was immediately struck with the conjecture honour," said I, "the unfortunate need no of his being the knave; because, indeed, he introduction; my habit proclaims me a Per-. could not believe that any other person was sian; this passport from the states of Holland so abandoned by principle and humanity as will confirm that supposition. I have been to take such a barbarous advantage of a gen- robbed of jewels to a considerable value, by a tleman in distress. wretch whom I favoured with my confidence; and now, reduced to extreme indigence, I come to offer myself as a soldier in the armies of France. I have health and strength sufficient to discharge that duty; nor am I unacquainted with a military life, which was once His return to England, and midnight pil- my glory and occupation. I therefore sue grimage to Mfonimia's tomb. for your protection, that I may be received, though in the lowest order of them that serve [HE considered the date of that unparalleled the king; and that your future favour may transaction, which agreed with his conjec- depend upon my behaviour in that capacity." ture, and from the inquiries he made con- "The general, surprised at my declaracerning the person of the traitor, gathered tion, surveyed me with uncommon attention; reasons sufficient to confirm his supposition. he perused my certificate; asked divers quesThus certified, —" That is the villain," cried tions concerning the art of war, to which I the count, 1" whose infernal arts have over- returned such answers as convinced him that whelmed me with such misery as heaven I was not wholly ignorant in that particular. itself hath no remedy to dispel! To revenge In short, I was enlisted as a volunteer in his my wrongs on that perfidious miscreant, is own regiment, and soon after promoted to one of the chief reasons for which I deign to the rank of subaltern, and the office of equerry drao about a hateful being. 0 Don Diego! to his own son, who at that time had attained what is life, when all its enjoyments are so to the degree of colonel, though his age did easily poisoned by the machinations of such not exceed eighteen years. a worm 1" So saying, he smote his breast "This young man Was naturally of a feroin all the dgony of woe, and besought the cious disposition, which had been rendered Spaniard to relate the steps he took in con- quite untractable by the pride of birth and sequence of this disaster. fortune, together with the license of his eduThe Castilian's cheeks reddened at this cation. As he did not know the respect due information, which reinforced his own re- to a gentleman, so he could not possibly pay sentment, and, casting up his eyes to heaven, it to those who were unfortunately under his — " Sacred powers!" cried he, " let him not command. Divers mortifications I sustained perish, before you bring him within my reach. with that fortitude which became a Castilian You ask me, noble cavalier, what measures who lay under obligations to the father; till I took in this abyss of'misery'! For the first at length, laying aside all decorum, he smote day I was tortured with apprehensions for me. Sacred heaven! he smote Don Diego the friiendly Fadini, fearing that he had been de Zelos, in presence of his whole household. robbed and murdered for the jewels which he "Had my sword been endowed with senhad perhaps too unwarily exposed to sale: sation, it would of itself have started from but this terror soon vanished before the true the scabbard at this indignity offered to: its presages of my fate, when, on the morrow, I master. I unsheathed it without deliberation, found the whole family in tears and confu- saying,-" Know, insolent boy, he is a gension, and heard my landlord pour forth the tleman whom thou hast thus outraged: and most bitter imprecations against the fugitive, thou hast cancelled the ties which have hithwho had deflowered his daughter, and even erto restrained my indignation." His serrobbed the house. You will ask, which of vants would have interposed, but he cornthe passions of my heart were interested on manded them to retire, and, flushed with that this occasion? They were shame and indig- confidence which the impetuosity of his temnation: all my grief flowed in another chan- per inspired, he drew in his turn, and attacked nel: I blushed to find my judgment deceived: me with redoubled rage; but his dexterity I scorned to complain: but in my heart de- being very unequal to his courage, he was nounced vengeance against my base betrayer. soon disarmed and overthrown; when, point-![ silently retired to my apartment, in order ing my sword to his breast,-" In considlerato commune with my own thoughts. tion of thy youth and ignorance," said 1, "I ADVENTURES OF FERDINAND COUNT FATHOM. 515 spare that life which thou hast forfeited by This point being settled, they moved forthy ungenerous presumption." wards to Mons, as soon as Don Diego was ina "V ith these words, I put up my weapon, condition to bear the shock of such a removal; retired through the midst of his domestics, and, there remaining until his wounds were who, seeing their master safe, did not think perfectly cured, they hired a post-chaise for proper to oppose my passage, and mounting Ostend, embarked in a vessel at that port, Hmy horse, in less than two hours entered the reached the opposite shore of England after Austrian dominions, resolving to proceed as a short and easy passage, and arrived in far as Holland, that I might embark in the London without having met with any sinister first ship for Spain, in order to wash away accident on the road. with my own blood, or that of my enemies, As they approached this capital, Renaldo's the cruel stain which hath so long defiled my grief seemed to regurgitate with redoubled reputation. violence. His memory was waked to the "This was the grievance that still corroded most minute and painful exertion of its my heart, and rendered ineffectual the inhu- faculties; his imagination teemed with the man sacrifice I had made to my injured most afflicting images, and his impatience honour. This was the consideration that became so ardent, that never lover panted incessantly prompted, and still importunes more eagerly for the consummation of his me to run every risk of life and fortune, wishes, than Melvil for an opportunity of rather than leave my fame under such an stretching himself upon the grave of the lost ignominious aspersion. I propose to obey Monimia. The Castilian was astonished, as this internal call. I am apt to believe it is well as affected at the poignancy of his grief, the voice of Heaven; of that Providence which, as a proof of his susceptibility and which manifested its care by sending such a virtue, endeared him still more to his affecgenerous auxiliary to my aid, when I was tion; and though his own misfortunes had overpowered by banditti, on the very first rendered him very unfit for the office of a day of my expedition." comforter, he endeavoured, by soothing disHaving in this manner gratified the curio- course, to moderate the excess of his friend's sity of his deliverer, he expressed a desire affliction. of knowing the quality of him to whom he Though it was dark when they alighted was so signally obliged; and Renaldo did at the inn, lelvil ordered a coach to be not scruple to make the Castilian acquainted called, and being attended by the Spaniard, with his name and family: he likewise cornm- who would not be persuaded to quit him upmunicated the story of his unfortunate love, on such an occasion, he repaired to the house with all the symptoms of unutterable woe, of the generous Jew, whose rheum distilled which drew tears from the noble-hearted very plentifully at his approach. The count Spaniard, while with a groan that announced had already acquitted himself in point of the load which overwhelmed his soul,-" I pecuniary obligations to this benevolent Hehad a daughter," said he, " such as you brew; and now, after having made such acdescribe the peerless Monimia; had Heaven knowledgements as might be expected from decreed her for the arms of such a lover, I, a youth of his disposition, he begged to who am now the most wretched, should have know by what channel he had received that been the most happy parent upon earth. letter which he had been so kind as to forThus did these new friends alternately ward to Vienna. indulge their mutual sorrow, and concert Joshua, who was ignorant of the contents measures for their future operations. Melvil of that epistle, and saw the young gentleman earnestly solicited the Castilian to favour extremely moved, would have eluded his inhim with his company to England, where, quiry, by pretending he had forgot the cirin all probability, both would enjoy the cumstance; but when he understood the gloomy satisfaction of being revenged upon nature of the case, which was not explained their common betrayer, Fathom: and, as a without the manifestation of the utmost infarther inducement, he assured him, that as quietude, he heartily condoled the despondsoon as he should have accomplished the ing lover, telling him he had in vain employed melancholy purposes of his voyage, he would all his intelligence about that unfortunate accompany Don Diego to Spain, and employ beauty, in consequence of Melvil's letter to his whole interest and fortune in his service. him on that subject; and then directed him The Spaniard, thunderstruck at the extra- to the house of that physician, who had vagant generosity of this proposal, could brought the fatal billet which had made him scarce believe the evidence of his own senses, miserable. and, after some pause, replied,-" My duty No sooner did he receive this information would teach me to obey any command you than he took his leave abruptly, with promise should think proper to impose; but here my of returning next day, and hied him to the inclination and interest are so agreeably flat- lodgings of that gentleman, whom he was tered, that I should be equally ungrateful lucky enough to find at home. Being favourand unwise, in pretending to comply with ed with a private audience,-" When I tell reluctance." you," said he, 1"that my name is Renaldo .5t16 SMOLLETT'S SELECT WORKS. Count de Melvil, you will know me to be the of the detail, he embraced the relator, as the most unfortunate of men. By that letter, kind benefactor of Monimia, shed a flood of which you committed to the charge of my wor- tears in his bosom, and pressed him to crown thy friend Joshua, the fatal veil was removed the obligation, by conducting him to the from my eyes, which had been so long dark- solitary place where now she rested from all ened by the artifices of incredible deceit, and her cares. my own incurable misery fully presented to The gentleman, perceiving the transports my view. If you were acquainted with the of his grief were such as could not be opunhappy fair who hath fallen a victim to my posed, complied with his request, attending mistake, you will have some idea of the in- him in the vehicle, and directed the coachsufferable pangs which I now feel in recol- man to drive to a sequestered field, at some lecting her fate. If you have compassion distance from the city, where stood the for these pangs, you will not refuse to con- church, within whose awful aisle this scene duct me to the spot where the dear remains was to be acted. The sexton being sumof Monimia are deposited; there let me enjoy moned from his bed, produced the keys, in a full banquet of woe; there let me feast consequence of a gratification, after the that worm of sorrow that preys upon my physician had communed with him apart, and heart: for such entertainment have I revisit- explained the intention of Renaldo's visit. ed this (to me) ill-omened isle; for this During this pause, the soul of Melvil was satisfaction I intrude upon your condescen- wound up to the highest pitch of enthusiastic sion at these unseasonable hours; for to sorrow. The uncommon darkness of the such a degree of impatience is my affliction night, the solemn silences and lonely situawhetted, that no slumber shall assail mine tion of the place, conspired with the occasion eyelids, no peace reside within my bosom, of his coming, and the dismal images of his until I shall have adored that earthly shrine fancy, to produce a real rapture of gloomy where my Monimia lies! Yet would I know expectation, which the whole world would the circumstances of her fate. Did Heaven not have persuaded him to disappoint. The ordain no angel to minister to her distress? clock struck twelve, the owl screeched from were her last moments comfortless? ah! the ruined battlement, the door was opened was not she abandoned to indigence, to in- by the sexton, who, by the light of a glimsults; left in the power of that inhuman mering taper, conducted the despairing lover villain who betrayed us both! Sacred Hea- to a dreary aisle, and stamped upon the ven! why did Providence wink at the triumph ground with his foot, saying, —" Here the of such consummate perfidy!" young lady lies interred." The physician, having listened with com- Melvil no sooner received this intimation, placency to this effusion, replied,-" It is my than falling on his knees, and pressing his profession, it is my nature to sympathize lips to the hallowed earth,-" Peace," cried with the afflicted. I am a judge of your feel- he, " to thegentle tenant of this silent habitaings, because I know the value of your loss. tion." Then turning to the bystanders, with I attended the incomparable Monimia in her a blood-shot eye, said,-" Leave me to the last illness, and I am well enough acquainted full enjoyment of this occasion: my grief is with her story, to conclude that she fell a too delicate to admit the company even of sacrifice to an unhappy misunderstanding, my friends: the rites to be performed require effected and fomented by that traitor who privacy.-Adieu, then, here must I pass the abused your mutual confidence." night alone." lIe then proceeded to inform him of all The doctor, alarmed at this declaration, the particulars which we have already re- which he was afraid imported some resolucorded, touching the destiny of the beauteous tion fatal to his own life, began to repent of orphan, and concluded with telling him he having been accessory to the visit, attempted was ready to yield him any other satisfaction to dissuade him from his'purpose, and find. which it was in his power to grant. The ing him obstinately determined, called in the circumstances of the tale had put Renaldo's assistance of the sexton and coachman, and spirits into such commotion, that he could solicited the aid of Don Dieogo, to force utter nothing but interjections and uncon- Renaldo from the execution of his design. nected words. When Fathom's behaviour The Castilian knowing his friend was then was described, he trembled with fierce agita- very unfit for common altercation, interposed lion, started from his chair, pronouncing,- in the dispute, saying,-" You need not be " Monster! hend! but we shall one day afraid that he will obey the dictates of demeet." spair: his religion, his honour, willbaffle such When he was made acquainted with the temptations: he hath promised to reserve his benevolence of the Frenich lady, he exclaimed, life for the occasions of his friend; and he -" O heaven-born charity and compassion! shall not be disappointed in his present aim. sure that must be some spirit of grace sent In order to corroborate this peremptory adhither to mitigate the tortures of life! where dress, which was delivered in the French shall I find her, to offer up my thanks and language, he unsheathed his sword, and the adorationS " Having heard the conclusion others retreating at sight of his weapon, — ADVENTURES OF FERDINAND COUNT FATIHOM. 517 "Count," said he, " enjoy your grief in full able to conjure up from the depths of distress; transport: I will screen you from interrup- insomuch, that when the morning intruded tion, though at the hazard of my life; and on his privacy, he could scarce believe it was while you give a loose to sorrow within that the light of day, so fast had fleeted the mighastly vault, I will watch till morning in nutes of his devotion. the porch, and meditate upon the ruin of my His heart being thus disburthened, and his own family and peace." impatience gratified, he became so calm and He accordingly prevailed upon the physi- composed, that Don Diego was equally cian to retire, after he had satisfied the sex- pleased and astonished at the air of serenity ton, and ordered the coachman to return by with which he came forth, and embraced him break of day. with warm acknowledgements of his goodRenaldo, thus left alone, prostrated himself ness and attachment: he frankly owned that upon the grave, and poured forth such lamen- his mind was now more at ease than he had tations as would have drawn tears from the ever found it since he first received the fatal most savage hearer. He called aloud upon intimation of his loss; that a few such feasts Monimia's name,-" Are these the nuptial would entirely moderate the keen appetite joys to which our fate hath doomed us? is of his sorrow, which he would afterwards this the fruit of those endearing hopes, that feed with less precipitation. intercourse divine, that raptured admiration, He also imparted to the Castilian the plan in which so many hours insensibly elapsed? of a monument which he had designed for where now are those attractions, to which I the incomparable Monimia; and Don Diego yielded up my captive heart? quenched are was so much struck with the description, that those genial eyes that gladdened each be-.he solicited his advice in projecting another, holder, and shone the planets of my happi- of a different nature, to be erected to the ness and peace! cold! cold and withered are memory of his own ill-fated wife and daughthose lips that swelled with love, and far ter, should he ever be able to re-establish outblushed the damask rose! and ah! for himself in Spain. ever silenced is that tongue, whose eloquence had power to lull the pangs of misery and care! no more shall my attention be ravished CHAPTER LXIII. with the music of that voice, which used to thrill in soft vibrations to my soul! 0 sainted He renews the rites of sorrow, and is enspirit! 0 unspotted shade of her whom I tranced. adored; of her whose memory I shall still revere with ever-bleeding sorrow and regret; WHILE they amused themselves with this of her whose image will be the last idea that sort of conversation, the physician returned forsakes this hapless bosom! now art thou with the coach, and accompanied them back conscious of my integrity and love; now dost to their inn, where he left them to their rethou behold the anguish that I feel. If the pose, after having promised to call again at pure essence of thy nature will permit, wilt noon, and conduct Renaldo to the house of thou, ah! wilt thou indulge this wretched Madam Clement, the benefactress of Moniyouth with some kind signal of thy notice, mia, to whom he eagerly desired to be introwith some token of thy approbation wilt duced. thou assume a medium of embodied air, in The appointment was observed with all semblance of that lovely form, which now imaginable punctuality on both sides. Mellies mouldering in this dreary tomb, and speak vil had arrayed himself in a suit of deep the words of peace to my distempered soul! mourning, and he found the good lady in the Return, Monimia, appear, though but for one like habit, assumed upon the same occasion; short moment, to my longing eyes! vouch- the goodness of her heart was manifest in safe one smile! Renaldo will be satisfied; her countenance: the sensibility of the youth Renaldo's heart will be at rest: his grief no discovered itself in a flood of tears, which he more will overflow its banks, but glide with shed at her appearance. His sensations were equal current to its latest hour! Alas! these too full for utterance; nor was she, for some are the ravings of my delirious sorrow! Mo- time, able to give him welcome; while she nimia hears not my complaints; her soul, led him by the hand to a seat, the drops of sublimred far, far, above all sublunary cares, sympathy rushed into either eye: and at enjoys that felicity of which she was debarred length she broke silence, saying,-" Count, on earth. In vain I stretch these eyes en- we must acquiesce in the dispensations of vironed with darkness undistinguishing and Providence; and quiet the transports of our void: no object meets my view; no sound grief, with a full assurance that Monimia is salutes mine ear, except the noisy wind that happy." whistles through these vaulted caves of This name was the key that unlocked the death." faculty of his speech.-" I must strive," said In this kind of exclamation did Renaldo he, "to ease the anguish of my heart with pass the night, not without a certain species that consolation. But say, humane, benevoof woful enjoyment, which the soul is often lent lady, to whose compassion and generosity 518 SMOLLETT'S SELECT WORKS. that hapless orphan was indebted for the last adventurer which he had learned in Germany peaceful moment she enjoyed upon earth; and Flanders, and concluded with declaring say, in all your acquaintance with human his unalterable resolution of releasing him nature, in all your intercourse with the from jail, that he might have an opportunity daughters of men, in all the exercise of your of sacrificing him with his own hand to the charity and beneficence, did you ever observe manes of Monimia. The discreet lady, persuch sweetness, purity, and truth: such ceiving the perturbation of his mind, would beauty, sense, and perfection, as that which not further combat the impetuosity of his was the inheritance of her whose fate I shall passion; contenting herself with exacting a for ever deplore?" "She was, indeed," promise, that he would not execute his purreplied the lady, " the best and fairest of our pose until he should have deliberated three sex." days upon the consequences by which a step This was the beginning of a conversation of that kind might be attended; before the touching that lovely victim, in the course of expiration of that term, she thought measures which he explained those wicked arts which might be taken to prevent the young gentleFathom practised to alienate his affections man from exposing his life or reputation to from the adorable Monimia; and she de- unnecessary hazard. scribed the cunning hints and false insinua- Having complied with her request in this tions by which that traitor had aspersed the particular, he took his leave, after he had, by unsuspecting lover, and soiled his character repeated entreaties, prevailed upon her to in the opinion of the virtuous orphan. The accept a jewel, in token of his veneration for intelligence he obtained on this occasion the kind benefactress of his deceased Moniadded indignation to his grief. The whole mia; nor could his generous heart be satismystery of Monimia's behaviour, which he fled, until he had forced a considerable present could not before explain, now stood disclosed on the humane physician who had attended before him; he saw the gradual progress of her in her last moments, and now discovered that infernal plan which had been laid for a particular sympathy and concern for her their mutual ruin; and his soul was inflamed desponding lover. This gentleman attended with such desire of vengeance, that he would him to the house of the benevolent Joshua, have taken his leave abruptly, in order to set where they dined, and where Don Diego was on foot an immediate inquiry about the per- recommended, in the most fervid terms of fidious author of his wrongs, that he might friendship, to the good offices of their host. exterminate such a monster of iniquity from Not that this duty was performed in presence the face of the earth, but he was restrained of the stranger-Renaldo's delicacy would by Madam Clement, who gave him to under- not expose his friend to such a situation; stand, that Fathom was already overtaken while the physician, before dinner, enterby the vengeance of Heaven; for she had tained that stranger in one apartment, Mielvil traced him in all the course of his fortune, withdrew into another with the Jew, to whom from his first appearance in the medical he disclosed the affair of the Castilian, with sphere, to his total eclipse. She represented certain circumstances, which shall in due the villain as a wretch altogether unworthy time be revealed. of his attention; she said, he was so covered Joshua's curiosity being whetted by this with infamy, that no person could enter the information, he could not help eyeing the lists against him, without bearing away some Spaniard at table with such a particular stare, stain of dishonour; that he was, at present, that Don Diego perceived his attention, and peculiarly protected by the law, and sheltered took umbrage at the freedom of his regard. from the resentment of Renaldo, in the cavern Being unable to conceal his displeasure, he of his disgrace. addressed himself to the Hebrew with great Melvil, glowing with rage, replied, that he solemnity, in the Spanish tongue, saying,was a venomous serpent, which it was incum- "Signior, is there any singularity in my bent on every foot to crush; that it was the appearance? or, do you recollect the features duty of every man to contribute his whole of Don Diego de Zelos 3" power in freeing society from such a perni- "Signior Don Diego," replied the other, cicus hypocrite; and that, if such instances in pure Castilian, " I crave your pardon for of perfidy and ingratitude were suffered to the rudeness of my curiosity, which prompted pass with impunity, virtue and plain dealing me to survey a nobleman whose character I would soon be expelled from the habitations revere, and to whose misfortunes I am no of men.-" Over and above the motives," stranger: indeed, were curiosity alone consaid he, " I own myself so vitiated with the cerned, I should be without excuse; but as I alloy of human passion -and infirmity, that I am heartily inclined to serve you, as far as desire —I eagerly pant for an occasion of my weak abilities extend, I hope your genemeeting him hand to hand, where I may rosity will not impute any little involuntary upbraid him with his treachery, and shower trespass of punctilio to my want of cordiality down vengeance and destruction on his per- or esteem." ~dious head." The Spaniard was not only appeased by Then he recounted the anecdotes of our this apology, but also affected with the com ADVENTURES OF FERDINAND COUNT FATHOM. 519 pliment, and the language in which it was In the midst of these invocations, his ear conveyed. He thanked the Jew for his kind was suddenly invaded with the sound of some declaration, entreated him to bear with the few solemn notes issuing from the organ, peevishness of a disposition sore with the which seemed to feel the impulse of an ingalling hand of affliction: and, turning up visible hand. his eyes to Heaven,-" Were it possible," At this awful salutation, Melvil was roused cried he, " for fate to reconcile contradic- to the keenest sense of surprise and attentions, and recall the irremediable current of tion: reason shrunk before the thronging events, I would now believe, that there was ideas of his fancy, which represented this happiness still in reserve for the forlorn Zelos, music as the prelude to something strange now that I tread the land of freedom and and supernatural; and while he waited for humanity, now that I find myself befriended the sequel, the place was suddenly illumiby the most generous of men. Alas! I ask nated, and each surrounding object brought not happiness! If, by the kind endeavours under the cognizance of his eye. of the gallant Count de Melvil, to whom I What passed within his mind on this occaam already indebted for my life, and by the sion is not easy to be described: all his effoibrts of his friends, the honour of my name faculties were swallowed up by those of seeshall be purified and cleared from the poison- ing and of hearing; he had mechanically ous stains of malice by which it is at present raised himself upon one knee, with his body spotted, I shall then enjoy all that satisfaction advancing forwards: and in this attitude he which destiny can bestow upon a wretch gazed with a look through which his soul whose woes are incurable." seemed eager to escape. To his view, thus Renaldo comforted him with the assurance strained upon vacant space, in a few minutes of his being on the eve of triumphing over appeared the figure of a woman arrayed in his adversaries; and Joshua confirmed the white, with a veil that covered her face, and consolation, by giving him to understand, flowed down upon her back and shoulders: that he had correspondents in Spain of some the phantom approached him with an easy influence in the state; that he had already step, and, lifting up her veil, discovered (bewritten to them on the subject of Don Diego, lieve it, 0 reader!) the individual countein consequence of a letter which he had re- nance of Monimia. ceived from Melvil while he tarried at Mons, At sight of these well-known features, and that he, every post, expected a favoura- seemingly improved with new celestialgraces, ble answer on that subject. the youth became a statue, expressing amazeAfter dinner, the physician took his leave, ment, love, and awful adoration. He saw though not before he had promised to meet the apparition smile with meek benevolence, Renaldo at night, and accompany him in the divine compassion, warmed and intendered repetition of his midnight visit to Monimia's by that fond pure flame which death could tomb; for this pilgrimage the unfortunate not extinguish. He heard the voice of his youth resolved nightly to perform during the Monimia call Renaldo! thrice he essayed to whole time of his residence in England: it answer; as oft his tongue denied its office; was indeed a sort of pleasure, the prospect his hair stood upright, and a cold vapour of which enabled him to bear the toil of liv- seemed to thrill through every nerve. This ing through the day, though his patience was was not fear, but the infirmity of human naalmost quite exhausted before the hour of ture, oppressed by the presence of a superior assignation arrived. being. When the doctor appeared with the coach, At length his agony was overcome: lie he leaped into it with great eagerness, after recollected all his resolution, and, in a strain he had, with much difficulty, prevailed with of awe-struck rapture, thus addressed the Don Diego to stay at home, on account of heavenly visitant. —" Hast thou then heard, his health, which was not yet perfectly esta- pure spirit! *the wailings of my grief? has! blished. The Castilian, however, would not thou descended from the realms of bliss, in comply with his request, until he had obtained pity to my woe? and art thou come to speak the count's promise that he should be per- the words of peace to my desponding soul? mitted to accompany him next night, and to bid the wretched smile, to lift the load of take that duty alternately with the physician. misery and care fiom the afflicted breast; to About midnight they reached the place, fill thy lover's heart with joy and pleasing where they found the sexton in waiting, ac- hope, was still the darling task of my RMonicording to the orders he had received; the mia, ere yet refined to that perfection whichl door was opened, the mourner conducted to mortality can never attain: no wonder, then, the tomb, and left, as before, to the gloom blessed shade, that now, when reunited to of his own meditations. Again he laid him- thy native heaven, thou art still kind, propiself on the cold ground; again he renewed tious, and beneficent to us, who groan in this his lamentable strain; his imagination began inhospitable vale of sorrow thou hast left. to be heated into an ecstasy of enthusiasm, Tell me, ah! tell me, dost thou still remember during which he again fervently invoked the those fond hours we passed together? Doth spirit of his deceased Monimia. that enlightened bosom feel a pang of soft 44 520 SMOLLETT'S SELECT WORKS. regret, when thou recallest our fatal separa- clergyman, who told Monimia, she had reaped tion 3 Sure that meekened glance bespeaks at last the fruits of that pious resignation to thy sympathy! All! how thy tender look the will of Heaven, which she had so devoutly o'erpowers me! Sacred heaven! the pearly practised during the term of her affliction: drops of pity trickle down thy cheeks! Such and, lastly, they were accosted by the physiare the tears that angels shed o'er man's dis- cian, who was not quite so hackneyed in the tress! Turn not away-thou beckonest me ways of death, or so callous to the finer sento follow: yes, I will follow thee, ethereal sations of the soul, but that he blubbered spirit, as far as these weak limbs, encum- plentifully, while he petitioned Heaven in bered with mortality, will bear my weight; behalf of such an accomplished and deserving and, would to heaven! I could with ease put pair. off these vile corporeal shackles, and attend Monimia, taking Madam Clement by the thy flight." hand,-" ~Whatever joy," said she, " Renaldo So saying, he started from the ground; derives from this occasion, is owing to the and, in a transport of eager expectation, at bounty, the compassion, and maternal care awful distance, traced the footsteps of the of this incomparable lady, together with the apparition, which, entering a detached apart- kind admonitions and humanity of those two ient, sunk down upon a chair, and with a worthy gentlemen." sigh exclaimed,-" Indeed, this is too much!" Melvil, whose passions were still in aoitaWThat was the disorder of Renaldo's mind, tion, and whose mind could not yet digest when he perceived this phenomenon! Before the incidents that occurred, embraced them reflection could perform its office, moved by all by turns; but, like the faithful needle, a sudden impulse, he sprung forwards, cry- which, though shaken for an instant from its ing,-" If it be death to touch thee, let me poise, immediately regains its true direction, die I" and caught in his arms, not the shadow, and points invariably to the pole, he soon but the warm substance of the all-accom- returned to his Monimia; again he held her plished Monimia. —" Mysterious powers of in his arms, again he drank enchantment Providence! this is no phantom: this is no from her eyes, and thus poured forth the shade! this is the life! the panting bosom of effusions of his soul.-" Can I then trust the her whom I have so long, so bitterly deplored! evidence of sense' and art thou really to rmly I fold her in my arms! I press her glowing wish restored? Never, O never did thy breast to mine! I see her blush with virtuous beauty shine with such bewitching grace, as pleasure and ingenuous love! she smiles that which now confounds and captivates my upon me with enchanting tenderness! O let view! sure there is something more than me gaze on that transcendent beauty, which, mortal in thy looks! Where hast thou lived'? the more I view it, ravishes the more! These where borrowed this perfection? whence art charms are too intense! I sicken while I thou now descended Oh! I am all amazegaze! Merciful I-leaven! is not this a mere ment, joy, and fear! thou wilt not leave me! illusion of the brain 3 was she not fled for no! we must not part again: by this warm ever 3 had not the cold hand of death divorced kiss! a thousand times more sweet than all her from my hope? This must be some flat- the fiagrance of the east! we never more tering vision of my distempered fancy! per- will part. O! this is rapture, ecstasy, and haps some soothing dream-if such it be, what no language can explain!" grant, O ye heavenly powers! that I may In the midst of these ejaculations, he ravnever wake." ished a banquet from her glowing lips, that "O 0 gentle youth!" replied the beauteous kindled in his heart a flame which rushed orphan (still clasped in his embrace), s" what through every vein, and glided to his marjoy now fills the bosom of Monimia, at this row. This was a privilege he had never triumph of thy virtue and thy love 3 when I claimed before, and now permitted as a res,ee these transports of thy affection, when compense for all the penance he had suffered: I find thee restored to that place in my esteem nevertheless, the cheeks of Monimia, who and admiration, which thou hadst lost by the was altogether unaccustomed to such familiarts of calumny and malice-this is a meeting arities, underwent a total suffusion; and which my most sanguine hopes durst not Madam Clement discreetly relieved her from uresage!" the anxiety of her situation, by interfering So entirely were the faculties of Renaldo in the discourse, and rallying the count upon engrossed in the contemplation of his restored his endeavours to monopolize such a branch MIonimia, that he saw not the rest of the of happiness. company, who wept with transport over this " O my dear lady!" replied Renaldo, who affecting scene; he was therefore amazed at by this time had in some measure recovered the interposition of Madam Clement, who, his recollection, " forgive the wild transports while the shower of sympathetic pleasure of a fond lover, who hath so unexpectedly bedewed her cheeks, congratulated the lovers retrieved the jewel of his soul! Yet, far from upon this happy event, crying,-" These are wishing to hoard up his treasure, he means Jle joys which virtue calls her own." They to communicate and diffuse his happiness to 3aso received the compliments of a reverend all his friends. 0 my Monimia! how will ADVENTURES OF FERDINAND COUNT FATHOM. 521 the pleasure of this hour be propagated! As She made no verbal reply, but answered by yet thou knowest not all the bliss that is an emphatic glance, more eloquent than all reserved for thy enjoyment! Meanwhile, I the power of rhetoric and speech. This long to learn, by what contrivance this language, which is universal in the world of happy interview hath been effected: still am love, he perfectly well understood, and, in I ignorant how I was transported into this token of that faculty, sealed the assent which apartment, from the lonely vault in which I she had smiled, with a kiss imprinted on her mourned over my supposed misfortune!" polished forehead. In order to dissipate these interesting ideas, which, by being too long indulged, mnight CHAPTER LXIV. have endangered his reason, Madam Clement entreated him to entertain the company with The mystery unfolded. Another recogni- a detail of what had happened to him in his tion, which it is to be hoped the reader last journey to the empire; and Monimia could not foresee. expressed a desire of knowing, in particular, the issue of his contest with Count Trebasi, Tru, French lady then explained the whole who, she knew, had usurped the succession mystery of Monimia's death, as a stratagem of his father. she had concerted with the clergyman and Thus solicited, he could not refuse to gradoctor, in order to defeat the pernicious tify their curiosity and concern: he explained designs of Fathom, who, seemed determined his obligations to the benevolent Jew; reto support his false pretensions by dint of lated the steps he had taken at Vienna for perjury and fraud, which they would have the recovery of his inheritance; informed found it very difficult to elude. She observ- them of his happy rencounter with his fathered, that the physician had actually despaired in-law; of his sister's deliverance and marof Monimia's life, and it was not till after riage; of the danger into which his life had she herself was made acquainted with the been precipitated by the news of Alonimia's prognostic, that she wrote the letter to Re- death; and, lastly, of his adventure with the naldo, which she committed to the care of banditti, in favour of a gentleman, who, he Madam Clement, with an earnest entreaty afterwards understood, had been robbed in that it should not be sent till after her de- the most base and barbarous manner by Facease; but that lady, believing the count thom. He likewise, to the astonishment of had been certainly abused by his treacherous all present, and of his mistress in particular, confidant, dispatched the billet without the communicated some circumstances, which knowledge of Monimrnia, whose health was shall appear in due season. restored by the indefatigable care of the Monimia's tender frame being quite fatigued physician, and the sage exhortations of the with the scene she had acted, and her mind clergyman, by which she was reconciled to overwhelmed with the prosperous tidings she life. In a word, the villainy of Fathom had had heard, after having joined the congratuinspired her with some faint hope, that Re- lations of the company on the good fortune naldo might still be innocent; and that no- of her Renaldo, begged leave to retire, that tion contributed not a little to her cure. she might by repose recruit her exhausted The letter having so effectually answered spirits; and the night being pretty far spent, their warmest hopes, in bringing back Re- she was conducted by her lover to Madamn naldo, such a pattern of constancy and love, Clement's coach, that stood in waiting, in the confederates, in consequence of his en- which also the rest of the company made thusiastic sorrow, had planned this meeting, shift to embark, and were carried to the hlouse as the most interesting way of restoring two of that good lady, where, after they were virtuous lovers to the arms of each other; invited to dine, and Melvil entreated to bring for which purpose the good clergyman had Don Diedgo and the Jew along with hlm, pitched upon his own church, and indulged they took leave of one another, and retired them with the use of the vestry, in which to their respective lodgings, in a transport they now were presented with a small but of joy and satisfaction. elegant collation. As for Renaldo, his rapture was still mixed Melvil heard this succinct detail with with apprehension, that all he had seen andl equal joy and admiration: he poured forth heard was no more than an unsubstantial the dictates of his gratitude to the preservers vision, raised by some gay delirium of a dis of his happiness. "This church," said he, ordered imagination. While his breast un "' shall henceforth possess a double share of derwent those violent, though blissful, emomny veneration; this holy man will, I hope, tions of joy and admiration, his friend, the finish the charitable work he has begun, by Castilian, spent the night in ruminating over tying those bands of our happiness, which his own calamities, and in a serious and nought but death shall have power to unbind." severe review of his own conduct. He comThen turning to that object which was the pared his own behaviour with that of the star of his regard,-" Do I not overrate," young Hungarian, and found himself so light said hlie, "1my interest with the fair Monimia?" in the scale, that he smote his breast with 3Q0 522 SiMOLLETT'S SELECT WORKS. violence, exclaiming, in an agony of re- ceasing horror and remorse! If misery can morse- atone for such enormous guilt, I have felt it " Count Melvil has reason to grieve; Don in the extreme: like an undying vulture it Diego to despair: his misfortunes flow from preys upon my heart; —to sorrow I am the'villainy of mankind; mine are the fruit wedded; I hug that teeming consort to my of my own madness: he laments the loss of soul;-never, ah! never shall we part; for, a mistress, who fell a sacrifice to the perfidi- soon as my fame shall shine unclouded by ous arts of a crafty traitor: she was beautiful, the charge of treason that now hangs over it, virtuous, accomplished, and affectionate; he I will devote myself to penitence and woe. was fraught with sensibility and love. Doubt- A cold damp pavement shall be my bed, my less his heart must have deeply suffered; his raiment shall be sackcloth, the fields shall behaviour denotes the keenness of his woe; furnish herbage for my food, the stream shall his eyes are overflowing fountains of tears; quench my thirst, the minutes shall be numhis bosom the habitation of sighs; five hun- bered by my groans, the night be privy to dred leagues hath he measured in a pilgrimage my strains of sorrow, till Heaven, in pity to to her tomb; nightly he visits the dreary my sufferings, release me from the penance vault where she now lies at rest; her solitary I endure. Perhaps the saints whom I have grave is his couch; he converses with dark- murdered will intercede for my remission." ness and the dead, until each lonely aisle Such was the exercise of grief, in which re-echoes his distress. What would be his the hapless Castilian consumed the night; penance had he my cause! were he conscious he had not yet consigned himself to rest, of having murdered a beloved wife and dar- when Renaldo, entering his chamber, disling daughter! Ah wretch! ah cruel homi- played such a gleam of wildness and rapture cide! —what had those dear victims done to in his countenance, as overwhelmed him with merit such a fate? Were they not ever amazement; for, till that moment, he had gentle and obedient, ever aiming to give thee never seen his visage unobscured with woe.satisfaction and delight? Say that Serafina -" Pardon this abrupt intrusion, my friend," was enamoured of a peasant, say that she cried Melvil, "I could no longer withhold had degenerated from the honour of her race; from your participation, the great, the unexthe inclinations are involuntary; perhaps pected turn, which hath this night dispelled that stranger was her equal in pedigree and all my sorrows, and restored me to the fruiworth. Had they been fairly questioned, tion of ineffable joy. Monimia lives!-the they might have justified, at least excused, fair, the tender, the virtuous Monimia lives, that conduct which appeared so criminal; or and smiles upon my vows! this night I rehad they owned the offence, and supplicated trieved her from the grave. I held her in pardon-Oh barbarous monster that I am! these arms; I pressed her warm delicious was all the husband-was all the father, lips to mine! 0! I am giddy with intoleraextinguished in my heart: [low shall my ble pleasure." own errors be forgiven, if I refused to pardon Don Diego was confounded at this declathe frailties of my own blood-of those who ration, which he considered as the effect of are most dear to my affection? Yet nature a disordered brain. He never doubted that pleaded strongly in their behalf!-My heart Renaldo's grief had at length overpowered was bursting while I dismissed them to the his reason, and that his words were the effect shades of death. I was maddened with re- of mere frenzy. TWhile he mused on this venge! I was guided by that savage princi- melancholy subject, the count composed his ple which falsely we call honour. Accursed features, and, in a succinct and well-conphantom! that assumes the specious title, nected detail, explained the whole mystery and misleads our wretched nation! Is it of his happiness, to the inexpressible aston. then honourable to skulk like an assassin, ishment of the Spaniard, who shed tears of and plunge the secret dagger in the heart of satisfaction; and straining the Hungarian to some unhappy man, who hath incurred my his breast,-" 0 my son!" said he, " you see groundless jealousy or suspicion, without what recompense Heaven hath in store for indulging him with that opportunity which those who pursue the paths of real virtue; the worst criminal enjoys 3 Or is it honour- those paths from which I myself have been able to poison two defenceless women, a fatally misled by a faithless vapour, which tender wife, an amiable daughter, whom even hath seduced my steps, and left me darkling a frown would almost have destroyed? 3! in the abyss of wretchedness. Such as you Ihis is cowardice, brutality, hell-born fury describe this happy fair, was once my Serafina, and revenge! Heaven hath not mercy to rich in every grace of mind and body which forgive such execrable guilt. Who gave nature could bestow. Had it pleased Heaven thee power, abandoned ruffian! over the lives to bless her with a lover like Renaldo!-but of those whom God hath stationed as thy no more, the irrevocable shaft is fled: I will fellows of probation; —over those whom he not taint your enjoyment with my unavailing had sent to comfort and assist thee; to sweeten sighs!" all thy cares, and smooth the rough uneven Melvil assured this disconsolate father, paths of life? O! I am doomed to never- that no uleasure, no avocation, should ever ADVENTURES OF FERDINAND COUNT FATHOM. 523 so entirely engross his mind, but that he Before they had seated themselves, Reshould still find an hour for sympathy and naldo inquired about the health of Monimia, friendship. He communicated the invitation and was directed to the next room by Madam of Madam Clement, and insisted upon his Clement, who permitted him to go thither, compliance, that he might have an oppor- and conduct her to the company. Ile was tunity of seeing and approving the object of not slow in availinghimselfofthis permission: his passion. "I can refuse nothing to the he disappeared in an instant, and, during his request of Count de AMelvil," replied the short absence, Don Diego was strangely disSpaniard, " and it were ungrateful in me to turbed: the blood flushed and forsook his decline the honour you propose. I own my- cheeks by turns; a cold vapour seemed to self inflamed with a desire of beholding a shiver through his nerves; and at his breast young lady, whose perfections I have seen he felt uncommon palpitation. Madam Clereflected in your sorrow; my curiosity is, ment observed his discomposure, and kindly moreover, interested on account of that hu- inquired into the cause; when he replied,mane gentlewoman, whose uncommon gene- " I have such an interest in what concerns rosity sheltered such virtue in distress; but the Count de Melvil, and my imagination is my disposition is infectious, and will, I am so much prepossessed with the perfections afraid, hang like a damp upon the general of Monimia, that I am, as it were, agonized festivity of your friends." with expectation; yet never did my curiosity Melvil would take no denial, and having before raise such tumults as those that now obtained his consent, repaired to the house agitate my bosom." of Joshua, whose countenance seemed to He had scarce pronounced these words, unbend gradually into a total expression of when the door re-opening, Renaldo led in joy and surprise, as he learned the circum- this mirror of elegance and beauty, at sight stances of this amazing event: he faithfully of whom the Israelite's countenance was promised to attend the count at the appointed distorted into a stare of admiration. But if hour, and, in the meantime, earnestly exhorted such was the astonishment of Joshua, what him to take some repose, in order to quiet were the emotions of the Castilian, when, in the agitation of his spirits, which must have the beauteous orphan, he beheld the indivibeen violently hurried on this occasion. The dual features of his long lost Serafina! advice was salutary, and Renaldo resolved His feelings were not to be described: the to follow it. fond parent, whose affection shoots even to He returned to his lodgings, and laid him- a sense of pain, feels not half such transport, self down; but, notwithstanding the fatigue when lie unexpectedly retrieves a darling he had undergone, sleep refused to visit his child from the ingulfing bellows or devouring eyelids, all his faculties being kept in motion flame. The hope of Zelos had been totally by the ideas that crowded so fast upon his extinguished: his heart had been incessantly imagination: nevertheless, though his mind torn with anguish and remorse, upbraiding continued in agitation,his body-wasrefreshed, him as the murderer of Serafina; his, thereand he arose in the forenoon with more fore, were the additional transports of a father serenity and vigour than he had enjoyed for disburdened of the guilt of such enormous many months. Every moment his heart homicide. His nerves were too much overthrobbed with new rapture, when he found powered by this sudden recognition, to manihimself on the brink of possessing all that his fest the sensation of his soul by external soul held dear and amiable; he put on his signs. He started not, nor did he lift a hand gayest looks:and apparel; insisted upon,the in token of surprise; he moved not from the Castilian's doing the same honour to the spot on which he stood; but, riveting his occasion; and the alteration of dress pro- eyes to those of the lovely phantom, remained duced such an advantageous change in the without motion, until she, approaching with appearance of Don Diego, that when Joshua her lover, fell at his feet, and clasping his arrived at the appointed hour, he could scarce knees, exclaimed,-" May 1 yet call you recognize his features, and complimented him father?" very politely on the improvement of his looks. This powerful shock aroused his faculties; True it is, the Spaniard was a personage a cold sweat bedewed his forehead; his knees of a very prepossessing mien, and noble de- began to totter; he dropped upon the floor; portment; and had not grief, by increasing and throwing his arms around her, cried,his native gravity, in some measure discom- " Oh Nature! O Serafina! Merciful Proviposed the symmetry of his countenance, he dence! thy ways are past finding out." So would have passed for a man of a very amiable saying, he fell upon her neck, and wept aloud: and engaging physiognomy. They set out the tears of sympathetic joy trickled down in the Jew's coach for the house of Madam- her snowy bosom, that heaved with rapture Clement, and were ushered into an apart- inexpressible. Renaldo's eyes poured forth mnent, where they found the clergyman and the briny stream; the cheeks of Madam Clethe physician with that lady, to whom Don ment were not dry in this conjuncture; she DieDgo and the Hebrew were by Melvil in- kneeled by Serafina, kissed her with all the troduced. eagerness of maternal affection, and with 44' 524 SMOLLETT'S SELECT WORKS. uplifted hands adored the power that pre- inestimable worth and beauty would be a ordained this blessed event. The clergyman recompense that infinitely transcends the and doctor intimately shared the general merit I can plead, yet, as it hath been my transport; and as for Joshua, the drops of good fortune to inspire her with a mutual true benevolence flowed from his eyes, like flame, I hope to reap from your indulgence the oil on Aaron's beard, while he skipped here, what I could not expect from my own about the room in an awkward ecstasy, and desert; and we present ourselves, in hope of in a voice resembling the hoarse notes of the your paternal assent and benediction." long- eared tribe, cried,-" O father Abraham! " Were she more fair, and good, and gensuch a moving scene hath not been acted tie, than she is," answered the Castilian, since Joseph disclosed himself unto his " and to my partial observation nought e'er brethren in Egypt!" appeared on earth more beauteous and enDon Diego having found utterance to his gaging, I would approve your title to her passion, proceeded in this strain:-" O my heart, and recommend you to her smiles, with dear child! to find thee thus again, after our all a father's influence and power. Yes, my last unhappy parting, is wonderful! miracu- daughter! my joy on this occasion is infinitely lous! Blessed be the all-good, almighty augmented by the knowledge of those tender Power, that saved thee for this hour of joy! ties of love that bind thee to this amiable Yet, while my heart yearns towards thee; youth; a youth, to whose uncommon courage while I pant with inconceivable affection, and generosity I owe my life and my suband thus review these living features, which sistence, together with the inexpressible were so long my study and delight, I dare delight that now revels in my bosom. Enjoy, not ask by what mysterious means this meet- my children, the happy fruits of your reciproing is effected, lest, in the fond inquiry, I cal attachment. May Heaven, which hath find my present bliss unreal, and awake to graciously conducted you through a labyrinth misery again!" of perplexity and woe, to this transporting " O ever-honoured father!" she replied, view of blissful days, indulge you with that "if to see your Serafina at your feet, melting uninterrupted stream of pure felicity, which with filial love and veneration, can impart a is the hope, and ought to be the boon of virtue, gleam of satisfaction to your breast, enjoy such as yours." that pleasure, and behold her now restored to So saying, he joined their hands, and emyour protection and paternal will, which she braced them with the most cordial love and never more will disobey. Alas! had Heaven satisfaction, which diffused itself to every thought proper to reserve another parent for individual of the company, who fervently this interview, our joys had been complete; invoked the Almighty Power in behalf of this but she hath already paid her debt to nature, enraptured pair. The tumult of these emoand from the seats of bliss looks down well tions having a little subsided, and the Castipleased on this interesting scene." lian being seated betwixt Renaldo and his " Ah, my Antonia!" cried the father, in- beauteous bride, he politely bespoke the interrupting her, " she is then at rest. Peace dulgence of Madam Clement, begging she be to her unspotted soul! to have found her would permit him to demand the performance here had been too much: how my Serafina of the count's promise, that he might be forthhath survived blindfold rage, I know not; but with made acquainted with those circumsure the guilt of fair Antonia's death still stances of his own fate which he was so hangs upon my soul." impatient to learn. " Dismiss that fatal thought," said Sera- The lady having assured him that she and fina, " my mother quietly bade adieu to life all the company would take pleasure in hearin England; she peaceably expired within ing the recapitulation, the Spaniard, addressthese arms, and with her latest breath prayed ing himself to Melvil, —" In the name of for her hapless husband." "H Her mind was Heaven!" said he, " how could you supplant ever godlike," he resumed, " she was a saint that rival, who fell a sacrifice to my resentin virtue, ill bestowed on such a wretch as ment, after he had bewitched the heart of me; yet thy words have raised a dreadful Serafina? for sure the affection he had kinburden from my conscience; I am not then dled in her breast must have long survived the dire assassin, who sacrificed his wife and his death." " That rival," replied the count, daughter to an infernal motive, falsely titled "who incurred your displeasure, was no hlonour; though I am more and more involved other than Renaldo." With these words, he:n a mystery, which I long to hear explained." applied to one eye a patch of black silk pro" That shall be my task," cried Renaldo; vided for the purpose, and turning his face "' but first permit me to implore your sanction towards Don Diego, that gentleman started to my passion for the incomparable Serafina. with astonishment, crying,-" Good Heaven! Y'ou already know our mutual sentiments; the very countenance of Orlando, whom I Rnd though I own the possession of such slew! this is still more amazing!" ADVENTURES OF FERDINAND COUNT FATHOM. 525 dually acquired her friendship: pity was the next passion that she entertained in my CHAPTER LXV. favour. I then ventured to disclose myself; and the dear charmer did not disapprove of A retrospective link, necessary for the con- my presumption. She and her mother had catenation of these memoirs. been perplexed with some religious scruples, concerning which they appealed to my opinINDULGE me with a patient hearing," pro- ion: and I was happy enough to set their ceeded the Hungarian, " and all these riddles minds at ease. soon will be explained. Inflamed with the " This sort of intercourse naturally created desire of seeing foreign countries, I disobeyed a mutual confidence among us: and, in a the will of an indulgent father, from whose word, I was blessed with the daughter's love, house withdrawing privately, I set out for and mother's approbation. Don Diego will Italy, in disguise, by the way of Tyrol, visited pardon those clandestine measures, which Venice, Rome, Florence, and embarking at we took from a full persuasion that it was Naples in an English ship, arrived at St Lu- impossible to render him propitious to the car, from whence I repaired to Seville: there, views in which our hearts and hands were in a few days, was my curiosity engaged by so deeply interested: I did not then know the fame of the fair Serafina, who was justly how little he was addicted to superstition. deemed the most accomplished beauty in that "Without entering into a detail of the part of Spain. Nay, blush not, gentle crea- schemes we projected to delay the happiness ture! for, by my hopes of heaven! thy charms of Mendoza, I shall only observe, that, knowwere even injured by the cold applause of ing the fatal day was at length unalterably that report: nevertheless, I was warmly in- fixed, we determined to elude the purpose terested by the uncommon character, and of Don Diego by flight, and every thing was eagerly longed to see this pattern of perfec- actually prepared for our escape. When the tion. As Don Diero did not train her up in hour of appointment arrived, I repaired to that restraint to which the Spanish ladies are the place at which I had proposed to enter subjected, I soon found an opportunity of the house, and stumbled, in the dark, over seeing her at church; and no person here the body of a manr istill warm and bleeding. present will, I presume, doubt that I was Alarmed at this occurrence, I darted myself instantly captivated by her beauty and de- through the window, and rushing to the portment. Had I thought that Don Diego's apartment of the ladies, (immortal powers!) favour was unengaged, perhaps I should have beheld the peerless Serafina, and her virtuous followed the dictates of vanity and inexpe- mother, stretched on a couch, and in all rience, and presented myself in my own cha- appearance deprived of life. racter, among the crowd of her professed " The company will easily conceive what admirers. I knew her father had been an agonies I felt at such a spectacle. I ran officer of distinguished rank and reputation, towards the spot in a transport of horror! and did not doubt that he would have re- I clasped my lovely mistress in my arms, and garded a young soldier of unexceptionable finding her still breathing, endeavoured, but pedigree, and I will even add, of untainted in vain, to wake her from the trance; Antonia fame; nor did I suppose my own father could was overwhelmed with the same lethargic have objected against such an advantageous power. My fancy was immediately struck match: but, by dint of industrious inquiry, I with the apprehension of their beingpoisoned. learned, that the divine Serafina was already Regardless of my own situation, I alarmed betrothed to Don Manuel de Mendoza, and the family, called for assistance, and'equested this information overwhelmed me with de- the servants to summon Don Diefo to the spair. dismal scene. I was informed that their " After having revolved a thousand projects master had rode forth in manifest confuision; for retarding and preventing that detested and while I pondered on this surprising exinion, I resolved to avail myself of my talent cursion, an apothecary in the neighbourhood for drawing, and professed myself a master entered the chamber, and having examined of that science, in hope of being employed the pulses of the ladies, declared that their by the father of Serafina, who, I knew, let lives were in no danger, and advised that slip no opportunity of improving his daugh- they should be undressed, and conveyed to ter's education.'AccordinglyI had the good bed. While their women were busied in fortune to attract his notice, was invited to this employment, I went into the court-yard, his house, honoured with his approbation, attended by some of the servants with and furnished with unrestricted opportunities lights, in order to view the body of the man of conversing with the dear object of my love. whom I had found at my arrival. His ap The passion which her beauty had kindled, parel was mean, his countenance ferocious, was, by the perfections of her mind, inflamed a long spado was buckled to his thigh, and to such a degree of transport, as could not in his belt were stuck a brace of loaded be concealed from her penetration. She pistols; so that we concluded he was some chanced to relish my conversation; I gra- thief, who had waited for an opportunity, 526 SMIOLLETT'S SELECT WTORKS. and seeing the casement open, intended to assignation in the garden, and that same rob the house, but was prevented and slain evening I was fortunate enough to convey by Don Diego himself, whose retreat, how- my prize to the asylum I had prepared for ever, did not a little confound our conjecture. their reception. Inexpressible was the rage For my own part, I remained all night in the of Mendoza, when he heard of their elopehouse, tortured with fear, vexation, and sus- ment: he raved like one deprived of reason, pense. swore he would put all the servants of the' My hope was altogether disappointed by family to the rack, and, in consequence of this unhappy accident, and I shuddered at the intelligence he obtained by threats and the prospect of losing Serafina for ever, either promises, set on foot a very strict inquiry, by this mysterious malady, or by her mar- in order to apprehend the fugitives, and Orriage with Mendoza, which I now despaired lando, who had by some means or other of being able to defeat. The major-domo incurred his suspicion. having waited several hours for his lord's "We eluded his search by the vigilance return, without seeing him appear, thought and caution of our kind host; and while we proper to dispatch a messenger to Don Ma- remained in concealment, were extremely nuel. with an account of what had happened; astonished to hear that the unfortunate Don and that nobleman arriving in the morning, Diego was proclaimed a traitor, and a price took possession of the house. About four set upon his head. This information overo'clock in the afternoon, Serafina began to whelmed us all with the utmost affliction: stir, and at five she and her mother were Antonia lamented, without ceasing, the disperfectly awake. grace of her beloved lord, from whom she " They no sooner recovered the use of never would have withdrawn herself, but reflection, than they gave signs of equal sor- with the lively hope of a reconciliation, after row and amazement, and earnestly called for the first transports of his ire should have Isabella, who was privy to our design, and subsided, and the real character of Orlando who, after a minute inquiry, was found in a should have appeared; it was not long before lone and solitary chamber where she had we had reason to believe that Mendoza was been confined. Such was the confusion of the accuser of Don Diego. the house, that no person ever dreamed of "Nay, start not, signior; Manuel was asking how I had entered, each domestic, in actually that traitor: this was the turn of his all probability, supposing I had been intro- revenge; when he found himself disappointed duced by his fellow: so that I tarried un- in the hope of possessing the incomparable questioned, on pretence of concern for the Serafina, he took a base advantage of your distress of a family in which I had been so absence and retreat. He posted to Mladrid, generously entertained; and by Isabella sent impeached you to the secretary of state, of my respects and duty to her ladies: she was having maintained a criminal correspondence therefore not a little surprised, when, after with the enemies of Spain, included me in every other servant had withdrawn, she his accusation, as a spy for the house of heard the lovely Serafina exclaim, with all Austria, and framed such a plausible tale, the violence of grief,-' Ah! Isabella, Or- fiom the circumstances of your distress, that lando is no more!' But their astonishment Don Diego was outlawed, and Mendoza grawas still greater, when she assured them of tified with a grant of his estate. my being alive, and in the house. They "These melancholy incidents made a deep recounted to her the adventure of last night, impression upon the mind of the virtuous which she explained by informing them of Antonia, who, waving every other considerathe letters which Don Diego had intercepted; tion, would have personally appeared for the and they immediately concluded, that he had, vindication of her husband's honour, had we in the precipitation of his wrath, killed, by not dissuaded her from such a rash undermistake, the person who was found dead in taking, by demonstrating her inability to the court-yard. This conjecture alarmed contend with such a powerful antagonist, and them on my account; they, by the medium representing that her appearance would be of Isabella, conjured me to leave the house, infallibly attended with the ruin of Serafina, lest Don Diego should return, and accorn- who would certainly fall into the hands of plish his resentment; and I was persuaded the villain to whom she had been contracted. to w ithdraw, after I had settled the channel'We exhorted her to wait patiently for somne of a correspondence with the confidante. happy revolution of fortune, and encouraged " Being now obliged to alter our measures, her with the hope of Don Diego's exertingr because our former intention was discovered himself effectually in his own defence. by Don Diego, I secured a retreat for Sera- " Meanwhile our worthy landlord was sudfina and her mother, at the house of the denly cut off by death; and his widow being English consul in Seville, who was my par- resolved to retire into her own country, we ticular friend; and next day, understanding secretly embarked in the same ship, and from Isabella, that her lord had not yet re- arrived in England about eighteen months appeared, and that Don Manuel was very ago. Antonia still continued to pine over tirgent in his addresses, we concerted an the ruin of her house; as she could hear no ADVENTURES OF FERDINAND COUNT FATHOM. 527 tidings of Don Diego, she concluded he was of Zelos to his majesty, who had actually dead, and mourned with unabating sorrow. ordered Don Manuel to be confined, until In vain I assured her, that soon as my own the injured person should appear to justify affairs should be adjusted, I would exert my himself, and prosecute his accuser according whole endeavours to find and succour him. to the terms of law: at the same time Don She could not imagine that a man of his Diego was summoned to present himself spirit and disposition would live so, long in before the king within a limited time, to obscurity; and her affliction derived new answer to the charge which Mendoza had force from the death of the consul's widow, brought against him. Kwith whom she had lived in the most un- The Spaniard's heart overflowed with grabounded intimacy and friendship. From that titude and joy, when he read this intimation: day her health evidently declined: she fore- he embraced the Jew, who, before Zelos saw her dissolution, and comforted herself could give utterance to his thoughts, told with the hope of seeing her husband and her him that the Spanish ambassador at Lonidon, friend, in a place where no treachery is felt, having been prepossessed in his favour, craved and no sorrow is known; confident of my the honour of seeing Don Diego; and that integrity, and the purity of my love, she, in he, Joshua, was ready to conduct him to the the most pathetic terms, recommended Sera- house. fina to my care. "Then is my heart at rest!" cried the " Ha! weepest thou, fair excellence, at Castilian, " the house of Zelos once more the remembrance of that tender scene, when shall lift up its head. I shall again revisit the good Antonia, on the bed of death, joined my native country with honour, and abase thy soft hand to mine, and said,-' Renaldo, the villain who hath soiled my fame; O my I bequeath this orphan to your love; it is a children! this day is replete with such joy sacred pledge, which if you cherish with due and satisfaction, as I did not think had been honour and regard, internal peace and hap- in the power of Heaven to grant, without the piness will ever smile within your bosom; interposition of a miracle! To you, Renaldo, but if you treat it with indifference, dishonour, to you, illustrious lady, and to these worthy or neglect, just Heaven will punish your gentlemen, am I indebted for the restoration breach of trust with everlasting disappoint- of that for which alone I wish to live; and ments and disquiet.' when my heart ceases to retain the obliga. "Signior Don Diego, I see you are moved, tion, may I forfeit the name of a Castilian and therefore will not dwell on such distress- and scorn and dishonour be my portion." ful circumstances. The excellent Antonia Perhaps all Europe could not produce exchanged this life for a more happy state; another company so happy as that which and so exquisite was the sorrow of the ten- now sat down to dinner in the house of Ma. der-hearted Serafina, as to torture me with dam Clement, whose own benevolent heart the apprehension that she would not long was peculiarly adapted for such enjoyment. survive her pious mother. How I obeyed The lovers feasted their eyes more than their the injunctions of that departing saint, Mo- appetite, by a tender intercourse of glances, nimia (for that name she now assumed) can which needed not the slow interpretation of testify, until that artful serpent Fathomn glided speech; while the Spaniard regarded them into our mutual confidence, abused our ears, alternately with looks of wonder and paternal poisoned our unsuspecting faith, and effected joy, and every individual surveyed the allthat fatal breach, productive of all the misery deserving pair with admiration and esteem. and vexation which we have suffered, and Serafina taking the advantage of this genwhich is now so happily expelled." eral satisfaction, when the heart, softened "Heaven," said the Castilian, "'hath into complacency, deposits every violent visited me for the sins and errors of my thought: —" I must now," said she, " try my youth; yet such mercy bath been mingled interest with Renaldo; the good company With its chastisements, I dare not murmur or shall bear witness to my triumph or repulse. repine. The tears of penitence and sorrow I do not ask you to forgive, but to withhold shall water my Antonia's grave; as for Men- your vengeance from the wretched Fathom. doza, I rejoice at his treachery, by which the His fraud, ingratitude, and villainy are, I obligation of my promise is cancelled, and believe, unrivalled; yet his base designs have my honour fully acquitted. He shall not been defeated; and Heaven perhaps hath triumph in his guilt; my services, my cha- made him the involuntary instrument for racter and innocence, shall soon confront bringing our constancy and virtue to the test: his perfidy, and, I hope, defeat his interest. besides, his perfidy is already punished with The king is just and gracious, nor are my the last degree of human misery and disgrace: fimrnily and name unknown." the doctor, who has traced him in all his con. Here the Jew, interposing, presented to duct and vicissitudes of fortune, will draw a him a letter from a person of consequence picture of his present wretchedness, which, at Madrid, whom Joshua had interested in I doubt not, will move your compassion, as the cause of Don Diego: that nobleman had it hath already excited mine." already found means to represent the case The generous hostess was ready to cnforce 528 SMaOLLETT'S SELECT ~WORKS. this charitable proposalwith all her eloquence, mand,-"- Signior Don Diego," said he, " as when Melvil, with a look that well expressed;' your fortune hath been so long embezzled by his magnanimity of love, replied,-" Such a your adversary in Spain, and your corresboon becomes-the gentle Serafina!!O every pondence with that country entirely cut off moment furnishes me with fresh matter to it is not to be supposed that your finances admire the virtues of thy soul: if thou, whose are at present in such a condition as to maintender heart hath been so rent with misery tain the splendour of your family. Count de and anguish, canst intercede for thy tormen- Melvil's whole fortune is at your command; tor, who now suffers in his turn, shall I refuse and had not he been afriaid of giving umbrage to pardon the miserable wretch? No, let to the peculiar delicacy of your sentiments, me glory in imitating the great example, and he would have pressed you to use it for your solicit Don Diego in behalf of the same mis- convenience. For my own part, over and creant, whose perfidious barbarity cost him above the inclination I have to serve Don such intolerable woe." " Enough," cried Diego, I consult my own private advantage the Castilian, " I have disclaimed the vin- in desiring you to accept my service on this dictive principles of a Spaniard, and leave occasion. Money is the chief commodity in the miserable object to the sting of his own which I deal, and, if you honour me with conscience, which, soon or late, will not fail your commands, I shall be a gainer by my to avenge the wrongs we have sustained obedience." fiom his deceit." IDon Diego replied, with a smile that denoted how well he understood the meaning of this address,-" Surely, Signior, I am ICHAPTER LXVI. bound by the strongest ties to exert my utmost endeavours for your advantage; and I pray The history draws near a period. God this your proposal may have that issue. I am well acquainted with the count's geneUNIVERSAkL was the applause which they rosity and refined notions of honour; and too acquired by this noble sacrifice of their re- much obliged by him already, to hesitate sentment: the afternoon was spent in the with punctilious reserve in accepting his utmost harmony and good humour; and, at future assistance; nevertheless, since you the earnest solicitation of Renaldo, whose have contrived a scheme for removing all fancy still harboured the apprehensions of scruples of that sort, I shall execute it with another separation, Don Diego consented pleasure; and, in the form of business, you that the indissoluble knot should be tied shall have all the security I can give for what between that young gentleman and Serafina shall be necessary to answer my present in two days, and the place appointed for the occasions." ceremony was the very church where they The preliminaries being thus settled, Joshlua had been restored to the arms of each other. advanced for his use a thousand pounds, for The lovely bride, with a silent blush that which he would take neither bond, note, nor set her lover's heart on fire, submitted to this receipt, desiring only that the Castilian would determination; in consequence of which, the mark it in his own pocket-book, that the debt company was bespoken for that auspicious might appear, in case any accident should hour, and the evening being pretty far ad- befal the borrower. Although the Spaniard vanced, they took leave of the ladies, and had been accustomed to the uncommon genretired to their respective homes; Don Diego erosity of Melvil, he could not help wonderand his future son-in-law being reconducted ing at this nobleness of behaviour, so little to their lodgings in the coach of the Jew, to be expected fiom any merchant, much who, taking an opportunity of being alone less from a Jewish broker. with Melvil, observed that it would be neces- While this affair was on the anvil, Resary on this occasion to supply the Castilian naldo, who could no longer withhold the with a sum of money, in order to support his communications of his happiness from his dignity and independence, in furnishing Se- sister and relations in Germany, took up the rafina with every thing suitable to her rank pen, and, in a letter to his brother-in-law, and merit; and that he would willingly ac- recounted all the circumstances of the surcommodate him, provided he knew how to prising turn of fate which he had experienced propose it so as to give no offence to his since his arrival in England. IHe likewise punctilious disposition. related the story of Don Diego, informed Renaldo, thanking him for this generous them of the day appointed for his nuptials, anticipation, advised him to solicit the Spa- and entreated the major to make a journey niard's correspondence in the way of busi- to London with his wife; or, if that should ness, and to put the whole on the footing of be impracticable, to come as far as Brussels,.'is own interest: by which means Don Diego's where they should be met by him and his delicacy could sustain no affront. Fraught Serafina. There was now but one day bewith this instruction, the Israelite desired a tween him and the accomplishment of his private audience of the Castilian, in which, dearest wish, and that was spent in procuring after an apology for the freedom of his de- a license, and adjusting the preparations for ADVENTURES' OF FERDIN"TAND COUNT PATIHOMi. 529 the grand festival, Don Diego in the fore- brew, who had provided a very elegant enternoon visited Madam Clement, to whom he tainment for the occasion: he had also repeated his warm acknowledgements of her bespoken a small but excellent band of music, bounty and maternal affection to his daughter, which regaled their ears while they sat at and presented to Serafina bank notes to the dinner; and the afternoon being calm and amount of five hundred pounds, to defray the serene, he prevailed on them to take the air necessary expense of her wedding ornaments. on the river, in a barge which he had preAll the previous steps being taken for the pared for the purpose. solemnization of this interesting event, and But notwithstanding this diversity of amusethe hour of appointment arrived, the bride- ment, Renaldo would have found it the longest groom, accompanied by his father-in-law, day he had ever passed, had not his imaginahastened to the place of rendezvous, which tion been diverted by an incident which emwas the vestry-room of the church we have ployed his attention during the remaining already described, where they were received part of the evening. They had drunk tea, by the good clergyman in his canonicals; and and engaged in a party at whist, when they here they had not waited many minutes, were surprised with a noise of contention when they were joined by Madalm Clement from a public house that fronted the windows and the amiable bride, escorted by the friendly ofthe apartment in which they sat. Alarmed physician, who had all along borne such a at this uproar, they forsook their cards, and, share in their concerns. Serafinawas dressed throwing up the casement, beheld a hearse in a sack of white satin, and the ornaments surrounded by four men on horseback, who of her head were adjusted in the Spanish had stopped the carriage, and violently pulled fashion, which gave a peculiar air to her the driver from his seat. This uncommon appearance, and an additional spirit tI;o those arrest had engaged the curiosity of the pubattractions which engaged the heart of each lican's family, who stood at the door to obhbeholder. There was nothing remarkable in serve the consequence, when all of a sudden the habit of Renaldo, who had copied the appeared a person in canonicals,well mounted, plainness and elegance of his mistress; but, who, riding up to those who maltreated thei when she entered the place, his features were driver, bestowed upon one of them such a animated with a double proportion of vivacity, blow with the butt-end of his whip, as laid and their eyes meeting, seemed to kindle a him sprawling on the ground; and, springing blaze which diffused warmth and joy through from his saddle upon the box, took the reins the countenances of all present. into his own hand, swearing, with great After a short pause her father led her to vehemence, that he would murder every man the altar, and gave her away to the trans- who should attempt to obstruct the hearse. ported Renaldo, before the priest, who per- The good priest who had married Renaldo formed the ceremony, and bestowed the nup- was not a little scandalized at this ferocious tial benediction on this enraptured pair. behaviour in a clergyman, and could not help The sanction of the church being thus ob- saying aloud he was a disgrace to the cloth tained, they withdrew into the vestry, where when the horseman, looking up to the win MTelvil scaled his title on her rosy lips, and dow, replied, —" Sir, may I be d d if any presented his wife to the company, who man in England has a greater respect for the embraced her in their turns, with fervent cloth than I have; but at present I amn quite wishes for their mutual happiness. distracted." So saying, he whipped up the Though the scene of this transaction was horses, and had actually disentangled the remote from any inhabited neighbourhood, hearse from those who surrounded it, when the church was surrounded by a crowd of he was opposed by another troop, one of people, who, with uncommon demonstration whom alighted with great expedition, and of surprise and admiration, petitioned heaven cut the harness, so that he could not possito bless so fair a couple. Such, indeed, was bly proceed. Finding himself thus driven to their eagerness to see them, that some lives bay, he leaped upon the ground, and exercised were endangered by the pressure of the crowd, his weapon with such amazing strength and which attended them with loud acclamations agility, that several of his antagonists were to ithe coach, after the bridegroom had de- left motionless on the field, before he was posited in the hands of the minister one overpowered and disarmed by dint of numhiundred pounds, for the benefit of the poor bers, who assailed him on all sides. of that parish,1 and thrown several handfuls of The mad parson being thus taken prisoner, money among the multitude. Serafina re-em- an elderly person, of a very prepossessing barked in Madam Clement's convenience, appearance, went up to the hearse, and, unwith that good lady and Don Diego, while bolting the door, a young lady sprung out, Renaldo, with the clergyman and doctor, fol- and, shrieking, ran directly to the public jowed in Joshula's coach, to a pleasant country house, to the infinite astonishment and affright house upon the Thames. at the distance of a of the whole fatmily, who believed it was the felw mniles fiom London. This the Jew had spirit of the deceased person whose body lay borrowed fiorn the owner for a few days, and in the carriage. Renaldo, who was with there they wvere received by that honest He- difficulty restrained fron interposingin behalf 3 R 53() SMIOLLETT'S SELECT VFORPKS. ofthe clergyman againstsuch odds, no sooner the father, and peremptorily declared it perceived this apparition, than supposing' her should not be a. lost eye to him, if there was to be some distressed damsel, his quixotism law in England. This unseasonable de. awoke, he descended in an instant, and rushed mand, and the boisterous manner in which into tile house among those that pursued the it was made, did not at all suit the present fair phantom. Don Diego and the physician humour of the old gentleman, who told him took the same road, while the real clergy- peevishly he owed him no eye, and bade him man and Joshua tarried with the ladies, who go and ask reparation of the person who had were by this time very much interested in done him wrong. the event. The young lady snatching this favourable 1Melvil found the young lady in the hands occasion, earnestly entreated Melvil and his of the old gentleraan who had released her company to intercede with her father in befrom the hearse, and who now bitterly up- half of her lover, who, she assured them, was braided her for her folly and disobedience; a young gentlem-an of a good fimily, and while she protested with great vivacity, that, uncommon merit; and, in compliance with whatever she might suffer from his severity, her request, they invited him and his daughshe would never submit to the hateful match ter to the house in which they lodged, where he had proposed, nor break the promise she they would be disencumbered of the crowd had already made to the gentleman who had which this dispute had gathered together, now attemptedto rescue herfrom the tyranny and more at leisure to consult about the of a cruel father. This declaration was fol- measures necessary to be taken. The old lowed by a plentilul shower of tears, whichl gentleman thanked them for their courtesy, the father could not behold with unmoistened which he did not think proper to refuse; eyes, although he reviled her with marks of and while he led, or rather hauled, madeuncommon displeasure; and, turning to the moiselle over the way, under the auspices of count,-" I appeal to you, sir," said he, the Castilian, Renaldo set thelover at liberty, "whether I have not reason to curse the made him a tender of his good offices, and undutiful obstinacy of that pert baggage, and advised him to wait at the public house for renounce her for ever as an alien to my blood. a happy issue of the negotiation. She has for some months been solicited in The pseudo-parson was very much affectmarriage by an honest citizen, a thirty thou- ed by this generous proffer, for which he sand pound mran; and, instead of listening made suitable acknowledgements, and proto such an advantageous proposal, she hath tested before God he would die a thousand bestowed her heart upon a young fellow not deaths rather than part with his dear Charworth a groat. Ah! you degenerate hussy, lotte.' Her father no sooner entered the this comes of your plays and romances. If apartment, than he was known by Joshuia to tlly mother were not a woman of an unex- be a considerable trader in the city of London; ceptionable life and conversation, I should and the merchant was glad to find himself verily believe thou art no child of mine. Run among his acquaintance. He was so full of away with a beggar! for shame!" the story wlhich had brought him thitlher, "I suppose," replied Renaldo, "the person that he had scarce sat down, when lie began to whom your daughter's affection inclines to complain of his hard fate, in having an is that clergyman who exerted himself so only child, who was so mean, stubborn, and manfully at the door." "Clergyman!" cried contumacious; and every sentence was conthe other, "adad! he has more of the devil eluded with an apostrophe of reproaches to than the church about him. A ruffian! he the delinquent. has, for aught I know, murdered the worthy The Jew having allowed him to ring out gentleman whom I intended for my son-in- his alarm, condoled his misfortune, and law; and the rogue, if I had not kept out of gravely counselled the young lady to wean his way, would, I suppose, have served me her affections fiom such an unworthy object; with the same sauce: mene! who have been for he supposed her favourite was a man of his master for many years, and had resolved no principle or liberal endowments, otherto make a man of him. Sir, he was my own wise her father would not exclaim so bitterly clerk, and this is the return I have met with against her conduct. Charlotte, who wanted firom the serpent which I cherished in my neither beauty nor understanding, assured bosom." him, that her lover's character was in all reHere he was interrupted by the arrival of spects unblemished; for the truth of which the citizen for whom he had expressed such assertion she appealed to her papa, who concern. That gentleman had received a owned, with reluctance, that the young man contusion upon one eye, by which the sight was a gentleman by birth, that he had served -was altogether obstructed; so that he con- him with remarkable diligence andintegrity, eluded he should never retrieve the use of and that his accomplishments were far suthat organ, and with great clamour took all perior to his station in life. " But then," the spectators to witness the injury he had said he, " the fellow has not a shilling' of his sustained: he entered the room with mani- own, and would you have me give away my fest perturbation, demanded satisfaction of daughter to a beggar l" ADVENTURES 0O7 FRI TNAND COUNT FATHOM.-o 531 "God forbid!" cried thie Jew, "I alvways WVhile Serafianaand Madan Clement caressed understood you possesnsed an ample fortune, the amiable Charlotte, the rest of the company and a m sorry to fnd it otherwise." "' Other- congratulated her admirer upon his choice Nvise l" replied the citizen, with some acri- and success; though the clergyman could Lrony, "take care wvlhat you say, sir; a not help reprehending him for profaning the merclaint's credit is not to be tampered sacerdotal habit. with.s" "I beg your pardon," answered the'Valentine heartily asked pardon for having Heubrew,' I concluded that your circumn- given such cause of offence, and hoped he;,tances were bad, because you objected to should be forgiven, as it was a disguise which the poverty of the young man, after you had he thought absolutely necessary for the exeowned he was possessed of every other cution of a scheme upon which his happinees qualification to make your daughter happy; altogether depended. He then, at the rnefir it is not to be imagined that you would quest of Renaldo, unfolded the mystery of thwart her inclinations, or seek to render an the hearse, by giving them to understand, only child miserable, on account of an that Charlotte's father, having got inkling of obst~acle which yoU yourself could easily re- their mutual passion, had dismissed his clerk, move. Let us suppose you can afford to and conveyed his daughter to a country house give with your daug'hter ten thousand pounds, in the neighbourhood of London, in order to which would enable this young man to live cut off their correspondence. Notwiithstandvwith credit and reputation, and engage ad- in g these precautions, they had found mneans vantageously in trade, foir which you sayh lie is to communicate with each other by letters, well qualified; the alternative then will be, which were managed by a third person: and whether you would rather see her in the his rival being very importunate in his soliciarnls of a deservin'a youth whom she loves, tations, they had concerted the expedient' enijoying all the comfnrilts of life, with a of the hearse, whlich he provided, and con.. moderate fortune, which it will always be in ducted throuogh a road contiguous to the end your own power to inmprove, or tied for life of the merchant's garden, w71ere Charlotte, to a moneyed ma n whoni she detests, cursinlg being apprised of the design, waitedl for i4s heri hard fate, and despisirTig that superfluity approach, and embarked in it witholti hesitaof wealth, in spite of wYhich she finds herself tion. Valentine thoug'ht himself sufficiently so truly wretched." screened frlom discovery by his disguise: but The old gentlenman seemned to be startled he wasounfortunately met by a servant of tshe at thlis observation, wlichl was reinforeced by fakmily, who recollected his features, and ihoRenaido's saying,, telat he vwould, moreover, mediately gave the alarm; upon 7whicil the enjoy the unutterable pleasure of giving father and his friends took horse, and pursued happiness to a worthy man, whose gratitude them by two different roads, until they weure would co-operate with hiss love in approving overtaken at this place. hiniself a dutitll son, -as well as an affec- LHe had scarce finished this short relation, tinoate husband. T-e then represented the when his rival bluntly enteringo tlle apartfamily disquiets and dismal tragedies pro- ment, with a handkerchief tied round his eye, duced frot such mercenary and compulsive committed Valentine to the charge of a connmatches;and in conclusion related the story stable who attended hinm, by a warrant fi'omn of Don Diego and his daughter, which, when a justice of the peace in that neilhbbourhood: thie merchaut heard, he started up with marks and threatened to prosecute the merchant cOl or terror in his countenance, and, throwing an action of damages for the loss of an eve, up the casement, called upon Valentine with which he said le had sustained in his service. great vociferation. This was the name of The company endeavoured to appease tIals his daul;ghter's a.dlmirer, iwho no sooner heard citizen, by representing' that his miisfortuine the sutmmons, than he flew to the spot from was no otiher than a common ilfiammnalioin; wlhence it came; and the merchant, without nor was it owing to malice aforethoullght, hbtl any fiurther preamble, seizing his hand, joined entirely to the precipitate passion of ain init wiith that of Charlotte, saying with great censed young man, who, by the bye, acted in trepidation, —" Here, take her, in the name his own defence. At the same time, the of God, aind thank this honourable company merchant promised to make any reasonable for your good fortune." satisfaction; upon which the other demanded Trhe lovers were transported with exquisite an obligation, importing that he would, in joy at this sudden determination in their ten days fiom the date, bestow upon him his favoir. Valentine having kissed the hand daughter in marriaoe, with a portion of' of his mistress with all the eagerness of fifteen thousand pounds, or, in case offailure, rapture, and acklnowledged the merchant's pay him double the sum. generosity, paid his respects to the ladies The merchant, exasperated at this extrat wvith a very polite address, and, with demon- vagant demand, told him flatly, lie had strations of uncornmon gratitude and sensi- already disposed ofhis daughterto Valentine, bility, thanked thie gentlemen, and the count who, he believed, was a much more deservin particular, for their o'ood offices, to which ing man; and that he was ready to wait upon he attributed tile hapipiness he now enjoyed. the magistrate wrho had granted the warrant. 45 532 SMOLLETT'S SELECT WORKS. in order to give bail fir his future son-in-law. fane, with idle pleasantry, or immodest lint, This was a mortifying' declaration to the these holy rites; and leave those happy plaintiff, though he condoled himself with lovers to enjoy, in one another's arms, unthe hope of being a gainler by the loss of his utterable bliss, tilhe well-earned palm of virtue eye; and, now the pain was over, would have and of constancy, which had underuoone the been very sorry to find his sight retrieved. most severe refinement. A more deserving The old gentleman, Joshua and Renaldo, ac- pair night's curtain shrouds not in its darkl conipanied the prisoner to the house of the extent. justice, where he was immediately admitted The thoughts of Renaldo's felicity threw a to bail. Upon their return, Valentine shifted damp on the spirits of Valentine, who saw his dress, and they supped together with the term of his probation protracted a feVwV gmreat cordiality and mirth, maintained at the days longer, and could not help wishing' in expense of the discarded lover. his heart that he had achieved the adventure After supper, Don Diego walked a minuet which would have abridged his expectatiou, wvith ll adam Clement, for whom by this time though at the expense of the old gentleman's he had contracted an extraordinary degree displeasure. He filled a bumper to the of affection. Valentine had the honour to health of the bride and bridegroom, and, dance with the incomparable Serafina, whose throwing up his eyes with marks of admr'abeauty and attractions dazzled the eyes of tion, exclaimed, H I-ow happy is the count! the new comers, and struck her bashfuil alas! five days longer must I rein my irnpartner with awe and confusion; and Melvil patience!" "It is but reasonable, you rogue, presented his hand to the agreeable Charlotte, that your better should have the start of who performed so much to the satisfaction of you," said the merchant, who did him jusher father, that he could not help expressing tice in the glass, and counselled him to his joy and pride; he praised God for throw- drown his impatience with good claret. inlg him in the way of our company, and en- The youth followed his advice, and it was gaged the clergyman to unite the young late before the company retired to rest. couple, after having appointed a day for the These citizens, however, resolved to seize ceremony, and invited all present to the an opportunity of rallying the new-married wedding. The evening having been insensi- couple according to custom, and with thati bly consumed in these avocations, and the view arose early in the morning, on tile nighit pretty far advanced, the ladies with- supposition of finding them still asleep: but drlw without ceremony; and the retreat of they were not a little surprised, when they Secra-iina filled Renaldo's breast with tumult entered the breakfasting room, to see Reain emotion; his blood began to flow in naldo, and his amiable bed-fellow, alrea-dy impetuous tides, his heart to beat with re- dressed, and waiting to do the honours of the doubled vig'our and velocity, while his eyes house. The old gentleman would fain have seemed to flash with more than human cracked a joke upon their extraordinary dissplendour: now his imagination began to patch; but he was so much overawed by the anticipate with the enthusiastic rage of an in- dignity, and tamed by the sweetness of spired sibyl; he was instantaneously trans- Serafina's carriage, that he durst not give ported froml the conversation, and every utterance to his conception; and Valentine nerve was braced to such a degree of im- stood silent and abashed, as in the presence patience, that human nature could not long of a superior bring'. After breakfast, these endure the tension. gentlemen and Charlotte again expressed lTe, therefore, having withstood the impulse their sense of the obliugations they owed to about a quarter of an hour, at length gave this happy family, repeated their invitation, way to'his impetuosity, and, springing fiom and taking leave, returned to London in a his friends, found himself in a dark passage, coach that was provided over night. tt t'he fuarther end of whichh he perceived Our friends being thus left to themselves, Mi~adanl Clement coming out of a chamber Don Diego turning towards Melvil, "New," with a ligtht, whicbh, at sight of him, she set said he, "that I have yielded to the impalown and vanished in a moment. This was tience of your love, as well as to the eagerness the star that pointed to his paradise: he of my own desire to make you happy, I must rdiled the signal, entered the apartment, and, beg leave to interrupt, for a little while, the.ine a lien rushling on his prey, approached stream of your mutual pleasure, and propose the nulptial bed where Serafina, surrounded a melancholy excursion, which, however, ty all the graces of beauty, softness, senti- will not be wholly void of enjoyment. I have rient, and truth, lay trembling as a victim at too long delayed the performance of my dotry the altar, arid strove to hide her blushes from to Antonia's grave. Let us spend the forehis view —the door was shut —the light ex- noon in that pious pilgrimage:-I will drop tinguislied-he owned his lot was more than a few tears to the memory of that excellent mortal man could claim. woman, and never afterwards shall my friends Here let me draw the decent veil, that be troubled \ith mry grief." ought to shade the sacred mysteries of Hy- The proposal being universally approved, men. Away, unhallowed scoflers, who pro- they set out for the place, which had oft been ADVENTURES?OF FER3DINAND COUNT FATHOM. 5SS visited by the gentle Serafina, who conducted go in, not with a view to exult over his her father to a black marble stone, which misery, but in order to contemplate tihe Renaldo had ordered to be laid over the catastrophe ofsuch a wicked life, that the moo grave; and, as he kneeled to kiss the monu- ral might be the more deeply engraved on ment, he perceived this plain inscription in his remembrance. The young countess, the Spanish tongue,-Antonia de Zelos whose tender heart could not bear the shock, primerat en todo lo que es ser bueno, y sin of such a spectacle, retired to the coach with segundo en todo lo que fate ser desdichado, Madam Clement and the Jew, while Renalquedad con dios that is, Antonia de Zelos, do, accompanied by the rest, entered a dismal unmatched in virtue, and unequalled in apartment, altogether void of fiurniture an ni.sfortzunze, a die i "0 faithful record!" convenience, where they beheld the wretchel cried the Castilian, smiting his breast, while hero of these memnoirs stretihed ahnost his tears distilled upon the marble, "thy naked upon straw, insensible, convulsed, tand goodness was the gift of Heaven, but thy seemingiy in the grasp of death. tle w.nas misfortunes were derived fiom the guilt of worn to the bone either by famine or disDon Diego: yet his sorrow shall expiate his temper; his facd was overshadowed wit!h offence, and his penitence find favour in the hair and filth; his eyes were sunk, glazed, sight of Heaven i —Rest, rest, ill fated virtue! and distorted; his nostrils dilated; his lips -Eternal peace shall guard thy tomb, and covered with a black slough; and his colnangels minister to thy unspotted shade; nor plexion facied into a pale clay-colour, tendil' shall thine ashes lie in dark obscurity; here to a yellow hue; in a word, the extremity of will I raise a monument more suited to thy indigence, squalor, and distress, could not excellency and name."99 Serafina melted be more feelingly represented. with filial tenderness, nor were the rest un- ~While Melvil perused this mnelancholy moved at this affecting scene, which Don lesson, and, groaning, cried, "'Behold the Diego did not quit without reluctance. fate of man," he perceived a letter in t le right hand of the unfortunate Fathom, which lay fast clenched across his breast. Curious CHAPTER LXVIL. to know the contents of this paper, which the young woman said he had kept in that The longest and the last. position for several days, he drew nearer the wretched couch, and was not a little surTII l nature of this visit haid softened every prised to see it addressed to the Right }Ionheart, and saddlened every countenance; and ourable Renaldo Count de Melvil, to the care they walked in solemn silence to the other of Mr Joshua Manasseh, merchant in tondono side of the churchyard, in order to regain When he attempted to disengage this billet their carriages; When, at the turning of tile from the author's hand, the sorrowing femnale style, they saw a youno woman, in wretched fell on her knees, entreating hlm to desist, attire, running out of a poor habitation, and telling him she had promised, upon oath, wringing her hands in all the agony of de- to communicate the contents to no person spair. Notwithstanding tle distraction in her upon earth, but to carry the letter, upon her countenance, and the meanness of her ap- husband's decease, to the gentleman to whose parel, she discovered a refularity of features, care it was directed. and a delicacy of air, whiich did not at all Renaldo assured her, upon his honour, correspond with the misery of her equipage. that he was the very Renaldo Count de These exhibitions of extreme distress soon MIelvil, for whom it was intended; and the attracted the notice and compassion of our young creature was so much confounded at company, and MIelvil's beauteous help-mate, this information, that before she could reaccosting this forlorn damsel with a pity- collect herself, Melvil had opened the billet, breathing aspect, asked the cause of her and read these words.-" If this paper disorder. should fall into the hands of the noble Re"Alas! dear lady," cried the other, with naldo, he will understand that Fathom wvas all the emphasis of woe, " an unhappy gentle- the most execrable traitor that ever imposed man now breathes his last, within this in- upon unsuspecting benevolence, or attempthospitable hovel, amidst such excess of misery ed to betray a generous benefactor. His as would melt the most flinty bosom: what whole life was a series of fraud, perfidy, and then must I feel who am connected with him the most abominable ingratitude: but, of all by the stronoest ties of love and conjugal the crimes that lay heavy upon his soul, his affection!" "Who is the unfortunate ob- being accessary to the death of the inconrject'?" said the physician. "He was once parable Serafina, whose father he had also well known in the gay world," replied the robbed, was that for which he despaired of young woman: " his name is Fathom." Heaven's forgiveness, notwithstanding the Every individual of the company started at dreadful compunction and remorse which mention of that detested name. Serafina have long preyed upon his heart, together began to tremble with emotion; and Renal- with the incredible misery and deplorable do, after a short pause, declared he would death which by this time he bath undergone 534 SITOLLETT'S SELECT WaORKS. Thougch these sufelrings and sorrows cannot INotwithstandingl all their care, the wretchaone for his enormous guilt, perhaps they ed Fathom still remained insensible, andthe ill excite the compassion of the humane doctor pronounced avery unfavourable progCount de Melvil; at least, this confession, nostic, while he ordered a pair of additional which my conscience dictates under all the vesicatories to be laid upon his arms, and terrors of death and futurity, may be a warn- other proper medicines to be administered.'no for him to avoid henceforth a smiling After dinner, the ladies ventured to visit the villain, like the execrable Fathom, upon place, and when Serafina crossed the threslhose miserable soul Almighty God have hold, the weeping female fell at her feet, and, n ecry." kissing her robe, exclaimed, —" Sure you are I enaldo was deeply affected with the con- an angel from heaven." tents of this scroll, which denoted such hor- The alteration in her dress had made a:or antd despair. He saw there could be no very agreeable change in her appearance, so dissimullaLion or sinister design in this pro- that the countess could now look upon:'ssion of penitence: he beheld the condition her without shuddering at her distress; and, of tlie writer, which put all his humane pass- as Fathom was not in a condition to be disions in commotion; so that he remembered turbed, she took this opportunity of inqluiring nothing of Fathom but his present distress. by what steps that unfortunate wretch was He could scarce contain those indications conveyed from the prison, in which she 1,:lhich might have been justly deemed the knew he had been confined, to the place eibct of weak1ness and infirmity; and having where he now lay in such extremity; and by,osired the physician and clergyman to con- what occurrence he had found a wife in such tribute their assistance for the benefit of an abyss of misfortune. Here the other's that wretch's soul and body, he ran to the tears began to flow afresh. "I am ashamed," coach, and communicated the letter to the said she, " to reveal my own folly; yet I dare la'ires;' at the same time drawing a picture not refuse a satisfaction of this kind to a perof the object he had seen, which brought son who has laid me under such signal obliteats into the eyes of the gentle Serafina, gations." who eariestly entreated her lord to use his She then proceeded to relate her story, by enuieacvours for tkhe relief and recovery of the which it appeared, she was no other than 1.m naRpy man, that he might, if possible, live the fair and unhappy Elinor, whom the artto enjoy the benefit of mature repentance, ful Fathom had debauched upon his first:nd not die in that dreadful despair which arrival in town, in the manner already dehe manifested in the letter. scribed in these memoirs. "s Heaven,'" con-'R-enaldo, returning to the house, found the tinued she, " was pleased to restore the use,ious clergyman reading prayers with great of my reason, which I had lost when I found fervency, while Don Diego stood with his myself abandoned by the count; but all my right hand upon his breast, looking steadfastly connexion with my own family being enupon the agonized Fathom, and the young tirely cut off, and every door shut against a worman kneelingo, with her streaming eyes poor creature who could procure no recomlifted up to Heaven, in an ecstasy of grief mendation, except the certificate signed by end devotion: the physician had run to an. the physician of Bedlam, which, instead of apot.h!lcary's shop in the neighbourhood, from introducing me to service, was an insurher commerce with him, but also of having found my money and every thing else about incensed me by the freedoms she had taken me (but my carcass) safe. I concluded, with my name, beyond a hope of reconcilia- therefore, that I must either have been mistion. On the other hand, his jealousy sug- taken for another, or obliged to the private gested that her sorrow was all artifice, and resentment of some secret enemy for what that I had supplied his place with her own had happened; and- as I could remember noprivity and consent. That such was the body who had the least cause of comrplaint situation of their thoughts will appear in the against me, except Captain O'Donnell and sequel; for that very day she came into the my master's daughter, my suspicion settled shop, where I was alone, and fixing her eyes, on them, though I took care to conceal it, swimming in tears, upon me, sighed most that I might the sooner arrive at confirmation. piteously but I was proof against her dis- With this view I went home in a chair about tress, by recollecting the epithets with which ten o'clock in the morning; and as the chairshe had honoured me the night before; and man supported me into the house, met the believing that the good reception I enjoyed captain in the passage, who no sooner saw was destined for another, I therefore took me, than he started back, and gave evident no notice of her affliction, and she had the signs of guilty confusion, which he would mortification to find her'disdain returned have accounted for from the surprise occafourfold. However, from thence forward sioned by seeing me in such a condition. My she thought proper to use me with more coin- master, having heard my story, condoled me plaisance than usual, knowing that it was in with a good deal of sympathy; and when he my power at any time to publish her shame. understood my wounds were not dangerous, By these means my life became much more ordered me to be carried up stairs to bed, agreeable (though I never could prevail upon though not without some opposition from his myself to repeat my nocturnal visit), and, wife, who was of opinion it would be better as I every day improved in my knowledge for me to go to an hospital, where I should of the town, I shook off my awkward air by be more carefully attended. My meditation degrees, and acquired the character of a po- was employed in concerting with myself hite journeyman apothecary. some method of revenge against Squlre 51 62 SMOLLETT'S SELECT WORKS. O'Donnell and his inamorata, whom I looked "SIR, —If I may be allowed to judge from upon as the authors of my misfortune, when appearance, it will not be disagreeable to you miss (who was not ali home at my arrival) to hear that my husband is gone to Bagshot entered my chamber, and, saying she was to visit a patient, and will not return till tosorry for the accident t.- at had befallen me, morrow night; so that if you have any thing asked if I suspected any body to be the as- to propose to me (as your behaviour on many sassin; upon: which I fixe4 my eyes stead- occasions has seemed to insinuate), you will fastly upon her, and answer'cd, " yes." She do well to embrace the present opportunity of discovered no symptom of 1confusion; but seeing "Yours, &c. replied hastily, "If that be the case, why This letter was signed with the name of don't you takle out a warrant.`o have him an apothecary's wife who lived in Chelsea, of apprehended! It will cost but a trifle; if whom I had heard O'Donnell was an admirer. you have no money I'll lend, you." This Every thing succeeded to our wish.' The:frankness not only cured me of my suspicion amoirous hero hastened towards the place of.with respect to her, but even staggered my assignation, and was encountered by us in belief with regard to the captain' of whosei the' very place where he had assaulted me. guilt I resolved to have further proof, before We rushed upon him all at once, secured his I should enterprize any thing in the way of sword, stripped off his clothes even to the revenge. I thanked her kindly for her gen- skin, whichwe scourged with nettles till he erous offer, which, however, I had no occa- was; blistered from head to foot, notwithstandsion to accept, beingdetermined to do nothing ing al the eloquence of his tears and supplirashly; for though I could plainly perceive cations. When I was satisfied withthe stripes the person who attacked me to be a soldier, I had bestowed, we carried off his clothes, whose face I thought was familiarlto me, I which we hid in a hedge near the place, and could not swear with a safe conscience to any left him stark naked to find his way home in particular man; and, granting I could, my the best manner he could, while I took care prosecution of him would not much avail.'to be there before him. I afterwards underThis uncertainty I pretended, lest the cap- stood, that in his way to the lodgings of a tain, hearing from her that I knew the per- friend who lived in' the skirts of the town, he son who wounded me, might think proper to was picked up by the watch, who carried him withdraw before I could be in a condition to to the round-house, from whence he sent for requite him.- In two days I was up, and able clothes to his lodgings; and next morning to do a little business; so that Mr Lavement arrived at the door in a chair, wrapped up made shift to carry on his practice, without in a blanket he had borrowed: for his body hiring another journeyman in my'room.- -was so sore and swelled, that he could not The first thing I attempted towards a certain bear to be confined in his wearing apparel. discovery of my secret enemy, was to get He was treated with the utmost tenderness into O'Donnell's apartment while he was' by my mistress and her daughter, who vied abroad in an undress, and examine his sword, with' each other in their' care and attendance the point of which being brokeoff, I applied of him: but Lavement himself could not forthe fragment that was found stickinhg in my bear expressing his joy, by several malicious body, and found it answered the fractured grins, while he ordered me to prepare an unpart exactly. There was no roomleft for doubt;, guent for:his sores. As' to myself, nobody and all that remained was to fix upon a can doubt my gratification when I had every scheme of revenge, which almost solely en- day an opportunity of seeing my revenge grossed my thoughts during the space of protracted on the body of my adversary, by eight nights and days. Sometimes I was the ulcers of which I had been the cause: and tempted to fall upon him in the same man- indeed I not only enjoyed the satisfaction of ner as he had practised upon me, and kill hiim having flayed him alive, but another also outright. But this assault my honour oppos- which I had not foreseen. The story of his ed as a piece of barbarous cowardice, in which being attacked and stripped in such a place he was: not to be imitated. At other times I having been inserted in the news, gave inforentertained thoughts of demanding satisfac- mation to those who found his clothes next tion in an honourable way;' but was diverted day whither to bring them; and accordingly from this undertaking by considering the he retrieved every thing he had lost, except uncertainty of the event, and the nature of a few letters, among which Was that which I the injury he had done me, which did not had written to him in the name of the apotheentitle him to such easy terms. At last I cary's wife. This and the others, which, it determined to pursue a middle course; and seems, were all on the- subject of love (for actually put my design in execution after this this Hibernian hero was one of those people manner. Having secured the assistance of who are called fortune-hunters), fell into the Strap and two of his acquaintaince whom he hands of a certain female author, famous for could depend upon, we provided ourselves the scandal she: has published, who, after With disguises, and I caused the following having'embellished them with some ornaletter to be delivered to him by one of our ments of her own invention, gave them tassociates, ii livery, one Sunday evening. the town in print. I was very much shock ADVENTURES OF RODERICK RANDOM. 63 ed on reflecting that I might possibly be the without emotion. I now began to look upon occasion of a whole family's unhappiness, on myself as a gentleman in reaiity-learned to account of the letter I had written; but was dance of a Frenchman whom I had cured of eased of that apprehension, when I under- a fashionable distemper-frequented plays stood that the Chelsea apothecary had com- during the holidays-became the oracle of an menced a law-suit against the printer for de- alehouse, where every dispute was referred famation; and looked upon the whole as a to my decision-and at length contracted an piece of forgery committed by the author, acquaintance with a young lady, who found who had disappeared. But whatever might means to make a conquest of my heart, and be his opinion of, the matter, our two ladies upon whom I prevailed, after much attendance seemed to entertain a different idea of it; for, and solicitation, to give me a promise of as soon as the pamphlet appeared, I could marriage. Asthis beautiful creature passed perceive their care of their patient consider- for a rich heiress, I blessed my good fortune, ably diminish, until at last it ended in total and was actually on the point of crowning all neglect. It was impossible for him to be ig- my wishes by matrimony, when one morning norant of this change any more that of the I went to her lodging, and her maid being occasion of it; but as he was conscious to abroad, took the privilege of a bridegroom to himself of' having deserved worse than con- enter her chamber, where, to my utter contempt at their hands, he was glad to come fusion, I found her in bed with a man. Heaoff so cheaply, and contented himself with ven gave me patience and presence of mind muttering curses and threats against the apo- enough to withdraw immediately; and I thecary, who, as he imagined, having got an thanked my stars a thousand times for the inkling of the appointment with his wife, had happy discovery, by which I resolved to protaken revenge of him in the manner described. fit so much as to abandon all thoughts of:By the time he got a new scarf-skin, his Imarriage for the future. character was become so notorious, that he thought it high time for him to decamp; and his retreat he performed in one night, CHAPTER XXII. without beat of drum, after having robbed his own servant of every thing that belonged to Squire Gawky comes to lodge with my mashim, except the clothes he had on his back. ter-is involved in a troublesome affair A-few days after he disappeared, Mr Lave- -out of which he is extricated by mement, for his own security, took into custody he marries my master's daughter-they a large old trunk which he had left; and, as conspire against me-I am found guilty it was very heavy, made no question that the of theft-discharged-deserted by my contents were sufficient to indemnify him for friends-i hire a room in St Giles's — what O'Donnell owed in lodging. But a where by accident Ifind the lady to whom month being elapsed without hearing any I made my addresses in a miserable contidings of this adventurer, and my master dition-I relieve her. being impatient to know what the trunk contained, he ordered me to break it open in his WHILE I enjoyed myself at large in this ternpresence, which task I performed with the per of mind, Mr Lavement let his first floor pestle of our great mortar, and discovered, to to my countryman and acquaintance, Squire his inexpressible astonishment and mortifi- Gawky, who, by this time, had got a lieucation, a heap of stones. tenancy in the army, and such a martial About this time, my friend Strap informed ferocity in his appearance, that I was afraid me of an offer he had to go abroad with a he would remember what had happened begentleman, in quality of valet-de-chambre, tween us in Scotland, and atone for his and, at the same time assured me, that what- breach of' appointment then, by his punctuever advantage he might propose to himself ality now; but, whether he had actually forgot from this prospect, he. could not bear Ithe me, or was willing to smake me believe so, he thoughts of parting from me, so much was betrayed not the least symptom of recognition he attached to my fortune. In spite of all at sight of me, and I remained quite cured the obligations I owed to this poor honest fel- of my apprehension, though I had occasion, low, ingratitude is so natural to the heart of not long after, to be convinced,, that nowsonan, that I began to be tired of his acquaint- ever his externals might be altered, he was ance; and now that I had contracted other at bottom the same individual Gawky whom friendships which appeared more creditable, I have already described; for, coming home was even ashamed to see a journeyman bar- late one night from the house of a patient, I ber inquiring after me with the familiarity of heard a noise in the street, and, as I apa companion. I therefore, on pretence of proached, I perceived two gentlemen in cusconsulting his welfare, insisted upon his ac- tody of three watchmen. The prisoners, cepting the proposal, which he at last deter- who were miserably. disfigured with dirt, mined to embrace with great reluctance; complained bitterly of the loss of their ihats and, in few days took his leave of me, shed- and wigs; and one of them, whom, by hias ding a flood of tears which I could not behold tongue, I knew to be a Scotchman. lamented 614 SMOLLETT'S SELECT WORKS. most piteously, offering a guinea for his perhaps, had more penetration, or less parliberty, which the watchman refused, allegingo tiality than his wife and daughter, differed that one of his companions was wounded from them in his sentiments of the matter, grievously, and that he must stand to the and expressed himself to me in the shop in consequence. My prejudice in favour of my this manner:-" Ah mon pauvre Roderique! native country was so strong, that I could you ave more of de veracite dan of de prunot bear to see any body belonging to it in dence-bot mine vife and dater be diabledistress, and therefobre, with one blow of my ment sage, and monsieur le capitaine un faithful cudgel, knocked down the watchman fanfaron, pardieu!" This eulogium on his who had hold of the person for whom I was wife and daughter, though spoken ironically chiefly concerned. He was no sooner dis- by him, was nevertheless literally just; by engaged, than he betook himself to his heels, espousing the cause of Gawky, the one and left me to maintain ithe dispute as I obliged a valuable lodger, and the other acshould think proper; and, indeed, I came off quired a husband at a juncture when one was but scurvily; for, before I could avail my- absolutely necessary; for the young lady, self of my speed, I received a blow on the finding the effects of her correspondence eye from one of the other two, that had well with O'Donnell becoming plainer and plainnigh deprived me of the use of that organ: er every day, insinuated herself so artfully however, I made shift to get home, where I into the affection of this new lodger, that in was informed of Captain Gawky's being rob- less than a fortnight, on pretence of going bed and abused by a company of footpads, to a play, they drove away together to the and was ordered by my master to prepare an Fleet, where they were coupled; from thence emollient glyster and paregoric draught, in removed to a bagnio, where the marriage order to allay and compose the ferment of was consummated, and in the morning came his spirits, occasioned by the barbarous home, when they asked her father's and treatment he had undergone, while he took mother's blessing. The prudent parents, twelve ounces of blood from him immediate- notwithstanding the precipitation with which ly. When I inquired into the particulars of the match was carried on, did not think fit this adventure, and understood, by the ser- to refuse their approbation; for the apothevant, that he came in just before me, without cary was not ill pleased to find his daughter hat and wig, I made no scruple of believing married to a young man of a good prospect, him to be the person I had released, and was who had not mentioned to him one syllablo confirmed in my belief upon hearing his on the article of her dowry; and his wife voice, to which, before that event, I had was rejoiced at being rid of a rival in her been so long a stranger. My eye being con- gallants, and a spy upon her pleasures. Nor siderably swelled and inflamed, I could not was I without self,enjoyment at this event, reflect upon my enterprise without cursirig when I reflected on the revenge I had unwitmy own folly, and even resolving to declare tingly taken upon my enemy, by making the truth of the whole story, in order to be him a cuckold by anticipation. But I little revenged on the cowardly wretch for whom dreamed what a storm of mischief was brewI had suffered: accordingly, next day, after ing against me, whilst I thus indulged myhe had told, in presence of my master, his self. Whatever face Gawky put on the wife, and daughter, who came to visit him, matter, my discovery of the adventure before a thousand lies concerning the prowess he related, and the reproaches I vented against had shown in making his escape, I ventured him, had stung him to the soul, and cherished to explain the mystery, and, calling in the the seeds of enmity so strongly in his breast, evidence of my contused eye, upbraided him that he (it seems) imparted his indignation with cowardice and ingratitude. Gawky to his wife, who being as desirous as himwas so astonished at this discourse, that he self to compass the ruin of one that not only could not answer one word: and the rest of slighted her caresses, but was able on any the company stared at one another, till at occasion to discover particulars not at all length my mistress reprimanded me for my advantageous to her character, readily joined insolent behaviour, and threatened to turn in a conspiracy against me, which, had it me away for my presumption. Upon which, taken effect as they expected, would infal. Gapwky (having recollected himself) observed, libly have brought me to an ignominious as the young man might have mistaken death. another person for him, he could forgive his My master having several times missed insinuations, more espec'ally as he seemed large quantities of medicines, of which I to have suffered for his civility: but advised could give no account, at last lost all patience, me to be more certain in my conjectures for and in plain terms taxed me with having the future, before I ventured to publish them, embezzled them for nmy own use. As I could to the prejudice of any man. Miss applaud- -only oppose my single asseveration to his ed the captain's generosity in pardoning one suspicion, he told me one day,-" By gar, who had so villanously aspersed him, and I your vord not be give me de satisfactionbegan to imagine her praise was:not at all me find necessaire to chercher for my medidisinterested. But the apothecary, who, cine, pardonnez moi-il faut chercher —ns ADVENTURES OF RODERICK RANDOM. 65 demand le clef of your coffre a cette heure." "who has found means to convey your goods Then raising his voice to conceal the fright hither, that the detection of them migh he was in, lest I should make any opposition, blast my reputation, and accomplish my dehe went on,-" oui, foutre, I charge you struction. His hatred of me is owing to a rendeR le clef of your coffre-moi-si, moi consciousness of his having wronged me in que vous parle." I was fired with so much my own country; for which injury, he, in a resentment and disdain at this accusation, cowardly manner, refused me the satisfactioln that I burst into tears, which he took for a of a gentleman; he knows, moreover, that I sign of guilt; and pulling out a key, told him am no stranger to his dastardly behaviour in he might satisfy himself immediately, though this town, which I have recounted before; he would not find it so easy to satisfy me and he is unwilling that such a testimony of for the injury my reputation had suffered his ingratitude and pusillanimity should live from his unjust suspicion. He took the key, upon the earth: for this reason he is guilty and mounted up to my chamber, attended by of the most infernal malice to bring about the whole family; saying,-" he bien, nous my ruin. And I am afraid, madam (turning verrons —nous verrons.". But what was my to Mrs Gawky), "you have too easily entered horror and amazement, when, on opening into the sentiments of your husband. I my chest, he pulled out a handful of the have often found you my enemy, and am very things that were missing, and pronoun- well acquainted with the occasion of your ced,-" Ah ha! vous etes bien venus- being so, which I don't at present think promardie Mons. Roderique, you be fort inno- per to declare; but I would not advise you, cent." I had not power to utter one word in for your own sake, to drive me to extremity." my own vindication, but stood motionless This address enraged her so much, that, and silent, while every body present made with a face as red as scarlet, and the eyes their respective remarks on what appeared of a fury, she strutted up to me, and putting against me. The servants said they were her hands on her sides, spit in my face, sorry for my misfortune, and went away saying, I was a scandalous villain, but she repeating, "who would have thought it?" defied my malice; and that, unless her papa My mistress took occasion from this detec- would prosecute me like a thief, as I was, tion to rail against the practice of employing she would not stay another night under his strangers in general; and Mrs Gawky, after roof. At the same time, Gawky, assumning a havting observed that she never had a good big look, told me, he scorned what lies I opinion of my fidelity, proposed to have me could invent against him; but that, if I precarried before the justice, and committed to tended to asperse his wife, he would put me Newgate immediately. Her husband was to death, by G-d. To this threat I answeractually upon the stairs in his way fur a ed,-" I wish to God, I could meet with constable, when Mr Lavement, knowing the thee in a desert, that I might have an opporcost and trouble of a prosecution, to which tunity of punishing thee for thy perfidy tohe must bind himself, and at the same time wards me, and rid the world of such a rascal dreading lest some particulars of my con- -What hinders me this moment," said I, fession might affect his practice, called out, seizing an old bottle that stood by, "from — " Restez, mon fils! restez, it be veritable- doing myself that justice 3" I had no sooner ment one grand crime which dis pauvre armed myself in this manner, than Gawky diable have committed —bot peutetre de good and his father-in-law retired in such a hurry, God give him de penitence, and me vil not that the one overturned the other, and they have upon mine head de blood of one sinner." rolled together down stairs; while my misThe captain and his lady used all the christ- tress swooned away with fear; and her ian arguments their zeal could suggest, to daughter asked if I intended to murder her? prevail on the apothecary to pursue me to I gave her to.understand that nothing was destruction, and represented the injustice he farther from my intention; that I would did to the community of which he was a leave her to the stings of her own conscience, member, in letting a villain escape, who but was firmly resolved to slit her husband's would not fail of doing more mischief in the nose, whenever fortune should offer a conveworld, when he should reflect on his coming nient opportunity. Then going down stairs, off so easily now. But their eloquence I met Lavement coming up, trembling, with made no impression on my master, who, a pestle in his hand, and Gawky behind, turning to me, said,_-" Go, miserable, go armed with his sword, pushing him forward. from mine house, quick, quick-and make I demanded a parley, and having assured reparation for your mauvaise actions." By them of my pacific disposition, Gawky exthis time, my indignation had roused me claimed,-" Ah! villain! you have killed my from the stupefaction in which I had hitherto dear wife." And the apothecary cried,remained, and I began in this manner.- "Ah coquin! vere is my shild! " " The, "Sir, appearances, I own, condemn me; but lady," said I, " is above stairs, unhurt by you are imposed upon as much as I am me, and will, a few months hence, Ibelieve, abused —I have fallen a sacrifice to the ran- reward your concern." Here she called to cour of that scoundrel," pointing at Gawky, them, and desired they would let the wretch 4 B* 51* 66 SMOLLETT'S SELECT WORKS. go, and trouble themselves no further about hoot at me as I pass along, and the cinder him. To which request her father con- wenches belch forth reproaches, wafted in a sented, observing, nevertheless, that my con- gale impregnated with gin; I shall be notorious versation was foist mysterieuse. Finding it — the very butt of slander and cloak of infaimpossible to vindicate my innocence, I left my." I was not in a humour to relish the the house immediately, and went to the climax of expressions upon which the gentleschoolmaster, with an intention of clearing man valued himself in all his discourses; but, myself to him, and asking his advice with without any ceremony, took my leave, cursed regard to my future conduct; but, to my in- with every sentiment of horror which my expressible vexation, was told he was gone situation could suggest. I considered, howto the country, where he would stay two or ever, in the intervals of my despondence, three days. I returned with a design of con- that I must in some shapb suit my expense sulting some acquaintances I had acquired in to my calamitous circumstances; and with my master's neighbourhood- but my storyhad that view hired an apartment in a garret taken air, through the officiousness of the near St Giles's at the rate of 9d. per week. servants, and not one of my friends would Here I resolved to perform. my own cure, vouchsafe me a hearing. Thus I found my- having first pawned three shirts to purchase self, by the iniquity of mankind, in a much medicines and support for the occasion. more deplorable condition than ever: for One day when I sat in this solitary retreat. though I had been formerly poor, my repu- musing upon the unhappiness of my fate, I tation was without blemish, and my health was alarmed by a groan that issued froln a unimpaired till now;-hbut at present, my chamber contiguous to mine, into which I good name was lost, my money gone, my immediately ran, and found a woman stretchfriends were alienated, my body was infected ed on a miserable truckle bed, without any by a distemper contracted in the course of visible signs of life. Having applied a an amour, and my faithful Strap, who alone smelling-bottle to her nose, the blood began could yield me pity and assistance, absent I to revisit her cheeks, and she opened her knew not where. eyes; but, good heavens! what were the The first resolution I could take in this emotions of my soul, when I discovered her melancholy conjecture, was to remove my'to be the same individual lady who had triclothes to the house of the person with whom; umphed over my heart, and to whose fate I I had formerly lodged, where I remained had almost been inseparably joined! Her two days, in hopes of getting another placei deplorable situation filled my breast with by the interest of Mr Concordance, to whom compassion; and every tender idea reviving 1 made no doubt of being able to vindicate in my imagination, I flew into her embrace. my character; but in this supposition I reck- She knew me immediately; and, straining oned without my host, for Lavement took me gently in her arms, shed a torrent of care to be beforehand with me; and when I tears, which I could not help increasing. At attempted to explain the whole affair to the length, casting a languishing look at me, schoolmaster, I found him so prepossessed she pronounced with a feeble voice,-" Dear against me, that he would scarce hear me to Mr Random, I do not deserve this concern an end; but when I had finished my justifi- at your hands. I am a vile creature, who cation, shook his head, and beginning with had a base design upon your person; suffer his usual exclamation,-" O C-st!" said me to expiate that and all my other crines he, " that won't go down with me. I am by a miserable death, which will not fail to very sorry I should have the misfortune of overtake me in a few hours." I encouraged being concerned in the affair, but, however, her as much as I could; told her I forgave shall be more cautious for the future. I all her intentions with regard to me; and will trust no man from henceforward —no, that, although my circumstances were exnot my father who begat me —nor the brother tremely low, I would share my last farthing who lay with me in my mother's womb. with her. In the mean time, I begged to Should Daniel rise from the dead, I would know the immediate cause of that fit from think him an impostor, and were the genius which she had just recovered, and said I of Truth to appear, would question its vera- would endeavour by my skill to prevent any city." I told him, that one day it was pos- more such attacks. She seemed very much sible he might be convinced of the injury I affected with this expression, took my hand,. ihad suffered, and repent of his premature and pressed it to her lips, saying, "You are determination. To which remark he an- too generous!-I wish I could'live to express' swered, the proof of my; innocence would my gratitude: but alas! I perish for want." make his bowels vibrate with joy;-" but Then, shutting her eyes, she relapsed into, till that shall happen," continued he, "I: another swoon. Such extremity of distress must beg to have no manner of connexion - must have awakened the most obdurate heart. with you-my reputation is at stake-O'my to sympathy and compassion. What effect, good God! I shall be looked upon as your ac- then, must it have had on mine, that was nacomplice and abettor-people will say Jona- turally prone to every tender passion? I than Wild was but a type of me —boys will ran down stairs, and sent my landlady to a ADVENTURES OF RODERICK RANDOM. 67 chemist's shop for some cinnamon water; city, who having, in the course of trade, sufwhile 1, returning to this unfortunate crea- fered very considerable losses, retired in his ture's chamber,'used all the means in my old age, with his wife, to a small estate in the power to bring her to herself. This aim, country, which he had purchased with the with much difficulty, I accomplished, and remains of his fortune. At that time I, being made her drink a glass of the cordial to re- but eight years of age, was left in town for cruit her spirits; then I prepared a little the convenience of education, boarded with mulled red'wine and a toast, which having an aunt, who was a rigid presbyterian, and taken, she found herself thoroughly revived, who confined me so closely to what she calland informed me, that she had not tasted ed the duties of religion, that in time I grew food for eight-and-forty hours before. As I weary of her doctrines, and, by degrees, conwas impatient to know the occasion and ceived an aversion for the good books she nature of her calamity, she gave me to un- daily recommended to my perusal. As I inderstand, that she was a woman of the town creased in age, and appeared with a person by profession: that, in the course of her ad- not disagreeable, I contracted a good deal of ventures, she found herself dangerously in- acquaintance among my own sex, one of fected with a distemper to which all of her whom, after having lamented the restraint I class are particularly subject: that her mal- was under from the narrowness of my aunt's ady gaining ground every day, she became sentiments, told me I must now throw off the loathsome to herself, and offensive to others; prejudices of opinion imbibed under her inwhen she resolved to retire to some obscure fluence and example, and learn to think for corner, where she might be cured with as myself; for which purpose she advised me to little noise and expense as possible: that read Shaftesbury, Tindal, Hobbes, and allthe she had accordingly chosen this place of re- books that are remarkable for their deviation treat, and put herself into the hands of an from the old way of thinking, and, by comadvertising doctor, who, having fleeced her paring one with another, I should soon be of all the money she had, or could procure, able to form a system of my own. I followed left her three days ago in a worse condition her advice: and, whether it was owing to my than that in which he found her: that, ex- prepossession against what I had formerly cept the clothes on her back, she had pawn- read, or the clearness of arguinent in these ed or sold every thing that belonged to her, my new instructors, I know not, but I studied to satisfy that rapacious quack, and quiet them with pleasure, and in a short time bethe clamour of her landlady, who still per- came a professed freethinker. Proud of my sisted in her threats to turn her out into the new improvement, I argued in all companies, street. After having moralized upon these and that with such success, that I soon acparticulars, I proposed that She should lodge quired the reputation of a philosopher, and in the same room with me, an expedient few people diurst undertake me in a dispute. that would save some money; and assured I grew vain upon my good fortune, and at her I would undertake her cure as well as length pretended to makemy aunta proselyte my own, during which she should partake to my opinion; but she no sooner perceived of all the conveniences that I could afford to my drift, than, taking the alarm, she wrote to myself. She embraced my offer with un- my father an account of my heresy, and confeigned acknowledgement; and I began to jured him, as he tendered the good of my soul, put it in practice immediately. I found in to remove me immediately from the dangerher not only an agreeable companion, whose ous place where I had contracted such sinful conversation greatly alleviated my chagrin, principles; accordingly, my father ordered but also a careful nurse, who served me with me into the country, where I arrived in the the utmost fidelity and affection. One day, fifteenth year of my age; and by his comwhile I testified my surprise that a woman mand, gave him a detail of all the articles of of her beauty, good ensense, and education my faith, which he did not find so unreason (for see had a large portion of each), could able as they had been represented. Finding be reduced to such an infamous and misera- myself suddenly deprive dof the company and ble' wy of life as that of a prostitute,-she pleasures of the town, I grew melancholy, answered4 with a sigh,-'" These very advan- and it was some time before I could relish my tages were the cause of myrundoing." This situation. But solitude became every day remnarkable reply inflamed my curiosity to mor6 and more familiar to me: and I consuch a degree, that I begged she'would fa- soled myself in my retreat with the enjoy, vour me with the particulars' of her story, ment of a good library,'at suchi times as I and she complied in'these' words. was not employed in the miianagement of the family (for my mother had' been dead three years), in visiting, or some other party of CHAPTER XXII. rural diversion.'Having more imagination that judgment, I addicted myself too much The history of Miss Williams. to poetry and romance; and, in short,' wa looked upon as a very extraordinary person MV father was an eminent merchant in the by every body in the country where I resided. 68 SMOLLETT'S SELECT WORKS. I had one evening strayed with abook in my he was returning home when my shrieks hand into a wood that bordered on the high brought him to my rescue. All night long road, at a little distance from my father's my imagination formed a thousand ridiculous house, when a certain drunken squire riding expectations. There was so much of knight-by perceived me, and crying,-" Zounds! errantry in this gentleman's coming to the there's a charming creature!" alighted in a relief of a damsel in distress, with whom he moment, caught me in his arms, and treated immediately became enamoured, that all I me so rudely, that I shrieked as loud as I had read of love and chivalry recurred to my could, and, in the mean time, opposed his fancy, and I looked upon myself as a princess violence with all the strength that rage and in some region of romance, who, being delivresentment could inspire. During this strug- ered from the power of a brutal giant or sagle, another horseman came up, who seeing tyr by a generous Oroondates, was bound in a lady so unworthily used, dismounted, and gratitude, as well as led by inclination, to flew to my assistance. My ravisher, mad yield my affections to him without reserve. with disappointment, or provoked with the In vain did I endeavour to chastise these foolreproaches of the other gentleman, quitted ish conceits, by reflections more reasonable me, and, running to his horse, drew a pistol and severe. The amusing images took full from the saddle, and fired at my protector, possession of my mind, and my dreams rewho happily receiving no damage, went up, presented my hero sighing at my feet in the and, with the butt end of his whip, laid him language of a despairing lover. Next mornprostrate on the ground before he could use ing after breakfast he took his leave, when the other, which his antagonist immediately my father begged the favour of further seized, and clapping to the squire's breast, acquaintance with him; to which request he threatened to put him to death for his coward- replied, by a compliment to him, and a look ice and treachery. In this dilemma I inter- to me so full of eloquence and tenderness, posed, and begged his life, which was granted that my whole soul received the soft impressto my request, after he had asked pardon, and ion. In a short time he repeated his visit; swore his intention was only to obtain a kiss. and, as a recital of the particular steps he However. my defender thought proper to un- pursued to ruin me would be too tedious and load the other pistol, and throw away the impertinent, let it suffice to say, he made it flints, before he gave him his liberty. This his business to insinuate himself into my escourteous stranger conducted me home, teem,by convincingmeofhis owngoodsense, where my father, having learned the signal and at the same time flattering my underservice he had done me, loaded him with ca- standing. This task he performed in the resses, and insisted on his lodging that night most artful manner, by seeming to contradict at our house. If the obligation he had con- me often through misapprehension, that I ferred upon me justly inspired me with senti- might have an opportunity of clearing myself ments of gratitude, his appearance and con- the more to my own honour. Having thus versation seemed to entitle him to somewhat secured my good opinion, he began to give me more. He was about the age of two-and- some tokens of a particular passion, founded twenty, among the tallest of the middle size; on a veneration for the qualities of my mind, had chesnut-coloured hair, which he wore and, as an accidental ornament, admired the tied up in a riband; a high polished forehead, beauties of my person; till at length, being a nose inclining to the aquiline, lively blue fully persuaded of his conquest, he chose a eyes, red pouting lips, teeth as white as snow, proper season for the theme, and disclosed and a certain openness of countenance-but his love in terms so ardent and sincere, that what need I describe any more particulars of it was impossible for me to disguise the senhis person! I hope you will do me the jus- timents of my heart, and he received my aptice to believe I do not flatter, when I say probation with the most lively transport. he was the exact resemblance of you; and, if After this mutual declaration, we contrived I had not been well acquainted with his family to meet more frequently, in private interviews, and pedigree, I should have made no scruple where we enjoyed the conversation of one of concluding that you was his brother. He another in all the elevation of fancy and imspoke little, and seemed to have no reserve; patience of hope that reciprocal adoration for what he said was ingenuous, sensible and can inspire. He professed his honourable inuncommon. In short, said she, bursting into tentions, of which I made no question; latears, he was formed for the ruin of our sex. mented the avaricious disposition of his His behaviour was modest and respectful; father, who had destined him for the arms but his looks were so significant, that I could of another: and vowed eternal fidelity with easily observe he secretly blessed the occa- such an appearance of candour and devotion, sion that introduced him to my acquaintance. that I became a dupe to his deceit, and, in We learned from his discourse that he was an evil hour, crowned his eager desire with the eldest son of a wealthy gentleman in the full possession. Cursed be the day on which neighbourhood, to whose name we were no Igave away my innocence and peace for amostrangers; that he had been to visit an ac- mentary gratification, which has entailed ouaintance in the country, from whose house upon me such misery and horror! cursed be ADVENTURES OF RODERICK RANDOM. 69 my beauty, that first attracted the attention libly have put an end to my miserable life. of the seducer! cursed be my education, that, My father observed the symptoms of my desby refining my sentiments, made my heart the pair! and, though I have good reason to bemore susceptible! cursed be my good sense, lieve he guessed the cause, was at a great that fixed me to one object, and taught me deal of pains to seem ignorant of my afflic. the preference I enjoyed was but my due! tion, while he endeavoured with paternal Had I been ugly, nobody would have tempted fondness to alleviate my distress. I saw his me had I been ignorant, the charms of my concern, which increased my anguish, and person would not have atoned for the coarse- raised my fury against the author of my caness of my conversation; had I been giddy, lamity to an implacable degree. Having furmy vanity would have divided my inclina- nished myself with a little money, I made an tions, and my ideas would have been so dif- elopement from this unhappy parent in the fused, that I should never have listened to the night-time, and, about break of day, arrived enchantments of one alone. at a small town, from whence a stage-coach But, to return to my unfortunate story; we set out for London, in which I embarked, and gave a loose to guilty pleasure, which, for next day alighted in town; the spirit of resome months, banished every other concern. venge having supported me all the way against At last, by degrees, his visits became less every other reflection. My first care was to frequent, and his behaviour less warm: I per- hire a lodging, in which I kept myself very ceived his coldness-my heart took the retired, having assumed a feigned name, that alarm-my tears reproached him-and I in- my character and situation might be the betsisted upon the performance of his promise to ter concealed. It was not long before I found espouse me, that, whatever should happen, out the house of my ravisher, whither I irnmy reputation might be safe. He seemed to mediately repaired in a transport of rage, deacquiesce in my proposal, and left me on termined to act some desperate deed for the pretence of finding a proper clergyman to satisfaction of my despair, though the hurry unite us in the bands of wedlock. But, alas! of my spirits would not permit me to concert the inconstant had no intention to return. I or resolve upon a particular plan. When I waited a whole week with the utmost impa- demanded admission to Lothario (so let me tience; sometimes doubting his honour, at call him), I was desired to send up my name other times inventing excuses for him, and and business: but this I refused, telling the condemning myself for harbouring the least porter I had business for his master's private suspicion of his faith. At length, I under- ear. Upon which I was conducted into a stood from a gentleman that dined at our parlour until he should be informed of my rehouse, that this perfidious wretch was on the quest. There I remained about a quarter of point of setting out for London with his an hour when a servant entered, and told me bride, to buy clothes for their approaching his master was engaged with company. and nuptials. This information distracted me; begged to be excused at that time. My temthe more so as I found myself some months per could hold out no longer; I pulled a gone with child, and reflected, that it would poniard from my bosom, where I had conbe impossible to conceal my disgrace, which cealed it, and rushing out, flew up stairs like would not only ruin the character I had ac- a fury, exclaiming,-" Where is this perfidiquired in the country, but also bring the grey ous villain! could I once plunge this dagger hairs of an indulgent parent with sorrow to into his false heart, I should then die satis. the grave. Rage took possession of my soul; fled." The noise I made alarmed not only I denounced a thousand imprecations, and the servants, but the company also, who, formed as many schemes of revenge against hearing my threats, came forwards to thle the traitor who had undone me. Then my staircase to see what was the matter. I was resentment would subside to silent sorrow. seized, disarmed, and withheld by two footI recalled the tranquillity I had lost, I wept men; and, in this situation, felt the most ex. over my infatuation, and sometimes a ray of quisite torture in beholding my undoer ap. hope would intervene, and for a moment proach with his young wife. I could not cheer my drooping heart; I would revolve endure the sight, was deprived of my senses, all the favourable circumstances of his char- and fell into a severe fit, during which I know acter, repeat the vows he made, ascribe his not how I was treated; but when I recovered absence to the vigilance of a suspicious father, the use of reflection, found myself on a bed who compelled him to a match his. soul ab- in a paltry apartment, where I was attended horred, and comfort myself with the expec-'by an old woman, who asked a thousand imtation of seeing'him before the thing pertinent questions relating to my condition; should be brought to any terms of agreement. and informed me that my behaviour had But now vain was my imagination! The thrown the whole family into confusion; that villain left me without remorse; and in a. Lothario affirmed I was mad, and proposed few days the news of the marriage was spread to have me sent to Bedlam; but my lady all over the country.'My horror was then persuaded herself there was more in my con.inconceivable; and had not the desire of re- duct than he cared should be known, and venge diverted the resolution, I should infal- had taken to her bed on bare suspicion, hay 70 SMOLLETT'S SELECT WORKS. ing first ordered that I should be narrowly account of his death before morning. Ac looked to. Iheard all she said without making cordingly, about two of the clock, he was any other reply, than desiring she would do me introduced to my chamber, and assured me She favour to call a chair; but this, she told my perfidious lover was no more; that al le, could not be done without her master's though he was not entitled to such an honour consent, which, however, was easily procur- able proceeding, he had fairly challenged him ed, and I was conveyed to my own lodgings to the field, where he upbraided him with in a state of mind that baffles all description.' his treachery towards me, for whom (he told The agitation of my thoughts produced a me) his sword was drawn, and after a few fever, which brought on a miscarriage; and I passes left him weltering in his blood. 1 believe, it is well for my conscience that Hea- was so savaged by my wrongs, that I deven thus disposed of my burden; for, let me lighted in'the recital of this adventure., made own to you with penitence and horror, if I him repeat the particulars, feasted my eyes had brought a living child into the world, my with the blood that remained on his clothes frenzy would have prompted me to sacrifice and sword, and yielded up my body as a rethe little innocent, to my resentment of the compense for the service he had done me. father's infidelity. My imagination was so engrossed with these After this event my rage abated, and my ideas, that in my sleep I dreamed Lothario hate became more deliberate and calm; when, appeared before me, pale, mangled, and one day, my landlady informed me that there bloody, blamed my rashness, protested his was a gentleman below who desired to see innocence, and pleaded his own cause so me, he having something of consequence to pathetically, that I was convinced of his impart, which he was sure would contribute fidelity, and waked in a fit of horror and reto my peace of mind. I was exceedingly morse. My bed-fellow endeavoured tc alarmed at this declaration, which I attempt- soothe, console, and persuade me that I had ed to interpret a thousand ways; and be- but barely done justiceto myself. I dropt fore I came to any determination he entered asleep again, and the same apparition remy room, with an apology for intruding upon turned to my fancy. In short, I passed the mee against my knowledge or consent. I night in great misery, and looked upoi my surveyed him some time, and, not being able avenger with such abhorrence, that, in the to recollect his face, demanded, with a fault- morning, perceiving my aversion, he insinuering accent, what his business was with ated there was still a possibility of Lothario's mel Upon wkich he desired I would give recovery; it was true he left him wounded him a particular audience, and he did not on the ground, but not quite dead; and perdoubt of communicating something that haps his hurts might not be mortal. At would conduce to my satisfaction and repose. these words I started up, bade him fly for inAs I thought myself sufficiently guarded telligence, and, if he could not bring me against any violence, I granted his request, tidings of Lothario's safety, at least consult and bid the woman withdraw. The stran- his own, and never return, for I was resolved ger then advancing, gave me to understand? to surrender myself to justice, and declare that he was well acquainted with the par- all that I knew of the affair, that, if possible, ticulars of my story, having been informed I might expiate my own guilt by incurring of them from Lothario's own mouth; that, the rigours of a sincere repentance and ignofrom the time he knew my misfortunes, he minious death. He very coolly represented had entertained a detestation for the author the unreasonableness of my prejudice against of them; which had of late been increased him, who had done nothing but what his and inflamed to a desire of revenge, by a love of me inspired, and honour justified: piece of dishonourable conduct towards him; that now he had, at the risk of his life, been that, hearing of my melancholy situation, he subservient to my revenge, I was about to had come with an intention of offering his discard him as an infamous agent occasionassistance and comfort, and was ready to ally necessary; and that, even if he should espouse my quarrel, and forthwith take ven- be so lucky as to bring news of Lothario's geance on my seducer, provided I would safety, it was probable my former resentgrant him one consideration, which he hoped, ment might revive, and I would upbraid him I should see no reason to refuse. Had all ofhaving failed in his undertaking. I assured the artifice of hell been employed in com- him, that, on the contrary, he should be posing a persuasive, it could not have had a dearer to me than ever, as I then should be more instantaneous or favourable effect than convinced he acted more on the principles of this discourse had upon me. I was trans- a man of honour than on thos: of amercenary ported with a delirium of gloomy joy; I assassin, and scorned to take away the life hugged my companion in my arms, and of an adversary (how' inveterate soever) vowed, that if he would make good his pro- which fortune had put in his power. "' Well mnise, my soul and body should be at'his dis- then, madam," said he, "whatever may posal. The contract was made; he devoted have happened, I shall find it no difficult himself to my revenge, undertook to murder matter to acquit myself in point of honour;" Lothario that very night, and to bring me an and took his leave, in order to inquire into ADVENTURES OF RODERICK RANDOM. 71 the consequences of his duel. I was now the life of a father, already weighed down. more sensible than ever of the degrees of almost to the grave with age and sorrow." guilt and misery; all the affliction I had suf- This pathetic remonstrance had such an fered hitherto was owing to my own credu- effect on me, that I was fully resolved to r lity and weakness, and my conscience could turn, like the prodigal son, and implore tit not accuse me of venial crimes: but now forgiveness of him who gave me life; but, that I looked upon myself as a murderer, it alas! upon inquiry, I found he had paid his is impossible to express the terrors of my debt to nature a month before, lamenting my imagination, which was incessantly haunted absence to his last hour, having left his forby the image of-the deceased, and my bosom tune to a stranger; as a mark of his resentstung with the most exquisite agonies, of ment of my unkind and undutiful behaviour. which I saw no end. At length Horatio (for Penetrated with remorse on this occasion, I so I shall call my keeper) returned, and, tell- sunk: into the most profound melancholy, and ing me I had nothing to.fear, delivered into considered myself as the immediate cause of my hands abillet, c taining these words: his death. I lost all relish for company, MADAM, —AS I understand it is of conse- and indeed most of my acquaintance no quence to your peace, I take this liberty to sooner perceived my change of temper than inform you, that the wounds received from they abandoned me. Horatio, disgusted at Horatio are not mortal. This satisfaction my insensibility, or, which is more probable, my humanity could not deny, even to a per- cloyed with possession, became colder and son who has endeavoured to disturb the re- colder every day, till at last he left me altopose, as well as to destroy the life, of gether, without making any apology for his " LOTHARIO." conduct, or securing me against the miseries Being well acquainted with his hand, I of want, as a man of honour ought to have had no reason to suspect an imposition in done, considering the share he had in my this letter, which I read over and over with ruin; for I afterwards learned that the quara transport of joy, and caressed Horatio so rel between Lothario and him was a story much that he appeared the happiest man trumped up to rid the one of my importunialive. Thus was I won from despair by the ties, and.give the other the enjoyment of my menaces of a greater misfortune than that person, which, it seems, he lusted after, upon which depressed me. Griefs are like usur- seeing me at the house of my seducer. Repers, the most powerful deposes all the rest. duced to this extremity, I cursed my own But my raptures were not lasting; that very simplicity, uttered horrid imprecations letter. which in a manner re-established my against the treachery of HEoratio; and, as I tranquillity, in a little time banished my became every day more familiarized to the peace. His unjust reproaches, while they loss of innocence, resolved to be revenged waked my resentment, recalled my former on the sex in general, by practising their happiness, and filled my soul with rage and own arts upon themselves. Nor was an sorrow. Horatio, perceiving the situation opportunity long wanting; an old gentlewoof my mind, endeavoured to divert my cha- man, under pretence of sympathizing, visited grin, by treating me with all the amusements me, and, after having condoled me on my and entertainments of the town. I was misfortunes, and professed a disinterested gratified with every indulgence I could de- friendship, began to display the art of her sire, introduced into the company of other occupation in encomiums on my beauty, and kept-mistresses, by whom an uncommon defer- invectives against the wretch who had forence was paid to me; and I began to lose saken me; insinuating, withal, that it would. all remembrance of my former condition, be my own fault if I did not still make my when an accident brought it back to my fortune by the extraordinary qualifications view, with all its interesting circumstances. with which nature had endowed me. I soon Diverting myself one day with some news- understood her drift, and gave her such enpapers, which I had not before perused, the couragement to explain herself, that we following advertisement attracted my atten- came to an agreement immediately to divide tion:- the profits of my prostitution accruing from "Whereas a young gentlewoman disap- such gallants as she should introduce to my peared from her father's house in the county acquaintance. The first stroke of my disof, about the end of September, on simulation was practised upon a certain account, as is supposed, of some uneasiness judge, to whom I.was recommended by this of mind, and has not been as yet heard of;. matron as an innocent creature just arrived whoever will. give any information about her from the country. He was so transported to Mr of Gray's Inn, shall be hand- with my appearance and feigned simplicity, somely rewarded; or if she will return -to that he paid a hundred guineas for the.posthe arms of her disconsolate parent, she will session of me for one night only, during;e received with the utmost tenderness, which I'behaved in such a manner as to whatever reason she may have to think other- make him perfectly well pleased with llis wise, and may be the. means of prolonging purchase. #72 SMOLLETT'S SELECT WORKS. "Ah hah! my old acquaintance Bet! I am CHAPTER XXIII. glad to see you with all my heart!" So saying, he opened the coach door, and She is interrupted by a bailiff, who arrests helped her to dismount; but when he oh. and carries her to the Marshalsea-I ac- served her face, he started back, saving,company her —bring witnesses to prove "Zounds! who have we got here?'" The she is not the person named in the writ bailiff, alarmed at this interrogation, cried, — the bailiff is fain to give her a present with some emotion,-" Who the devil should and discharge her-we shift our lodging itbe, butthe prisoner Elizabeth Cary " The -she resumes her story, and ends it-my turnkey replied,-" That Elizabeth Cary! reflections thereupon-she makes me ac- I'll be d-d if that's Elizabeth Cary, more quainted with the progress of a common than my grandmother. D-n my blood, I woman of the town-resolves to quit that knew Bet Cary as well as if I had made her." way of life. Here the lady thought fit to interpose, and tell the catchpole, if he had taken her word HER story was here interrupted by a rap at for it at first, he might Save saved himself the door, which I no sooner opened, than and her a great deal of trouble. —" It may be three or four terrible fellows rushed in, one so," answered he, " but by G —d I'll have of whom accosted my fellow-lodger thus:- further evidence that you are not the person, "Madam, your servant, you must do me the before you and I part." "Yes, yes," said favour to come along with me-I have got a she, "you shall have further evidence, to writ against you." While the bailiff (for so your cost." Then we adjourned into the he was) spoke thus, his followers surrounded lodge, and called for a bottle of wine, where the prisoner, and began to handle her very my companion wrote a direction to two of roughly. This treatment incensed me so her acquaintance, and begged the favour of much, that I snatched up the poker, and me to go to their lodgings, and request them would certainly have used it in defence of to come to her immediately. I found them the lady, without any regard to the strength together at a house in Bridges-street, Druryand number of her adversaries, had she not lane; and as they were luckily unengaged, begged me, with a composure of countenance they set out with me in a hackney coach, for which I could not account, to use no vio- without hesitation, after I had related the lence in her behalf, which could be of no circumstances of the affair, which flattered service to her, but miflht be very detrimental them with the hopes of seeino a bailiff trounto myself. Then turning to the leader of ced; for there is an antipathy as natural this formidable troop, she desired to see the between the w-s and bailiffs, as that subwrit, and, having perused it, said, with a sisting between mice and cats. Accordingfaultering voice,-" I am not the person ly, when they entered the lodge, they embra. whose name is here mentioned: arrest me ced the prisoner very affectionately by the at your peril." " Ay, ay, madam," replied name of Nancy Williams, and asked how the catchpole, " we shall prove your identity. long she had been nabbed, and for what? In the mean time, whether will you be On hearing the particulars of her adventure pleased to be carried to my house, or to repeated, they offered to swear before a jail?" " If I must be confined," said she, " I justice of peace, that she was not the person would rather be in your house than in a com- mentioned in the writ, whom, it seems, they mon jail." " Well, well," answered he, " if all knew; but the bailiff, who was by this you have money enough in your pocket, you time convinced of his mistake, told them he shall be entertained like a princess." "But would not put them to that trouble-" Lawhen she acquainted him with her poverty, dies," said he, "there's no harm done-you he swore he never gave credit, and ordered shall give me leave to treat you with another one of his myrmidons to call a coach, to bottle, and then we'll part friends." This carry her to the Marshalsea at once. While proposal was not at all relished by the sisterthey waited for the convenience, she took hood; and Miss Williams told him, sure he me aside, and bade me be under no concern did not imagine her such a fool, as to be on her account, for she knew how to extri- satisfied with a paltry glass of sour wine. cate herself from this difficulty very soon, Here the turnkey interrupted her, by affirmand perhaps gain something by the occasion. ing, with an oath, that the wine was as good Although her discourse was a mystery to me, as ever was tipped over tongue. "W Well," I was very well pleased with her assurance, continued she, " that may be, —but was it and, when the coach came to the door, offered the best of champaign, it is no recompence to accompany her to prison; to which pro- for the damage I have suffered both in chaposal, after much entreaty, she consented. racter and health, by being wrongfully dragWhen we arrived at the gate of the Mar- ged to jail. At this rate, no innocent pershalsea, our conductor alighted, and, having son is safe, since an officer of justice, out of demanded entrance, presented the writ to malice, private pique, or mistake, may injure the turnkey; who no sooner perceived the and oppress the subject with impunity: but, name. of Elizabeth Cary, than he cried,- thank Heaven, I live under the protection ADVENTURES OF RC -RICK RANDOM. 73 of laws that will not suffer such insults to prof.sion, which manifested itself in a setpass unpunished, and I know very well how tied gloom on my countenance, and disgusted to procure redress." Mr Vulture (for that those -sons of mirth and riot so much, that was the bailiff's name), finding he had to I was frequently used in a shocking manner, deal with one who would not be imposed and kicked down stairs with disgrace. The upon, began to look very sullen and perplex- messengers seeing me disagreeable to their ed, and, leaning his forehead on -his hand, benefactors and employers, seldom troubled entered~ into a deliberation with himself, me with a call, and I began to find myself which lasted a few minutes, and then broke almost totally neglected. To contribute toout into a volley of dreadful curses against. wards my support, I was fain to sell my the old b-, our landlady.(as he called her),: watch, rings, trinkets, with the best part of for having misinformed him. After much my clothes; and I was one evening musing wrangling and swearing, the matter was re- by myself on the misery before me, when ferred to the decision of the turnkey, who, I received a message from a bagnio, whither calling for the other bottle, mulcted the bai- 1 repaired in a chair, and was introduced to liff in all the liquor that had been drank, a gentleman dressed like an officer, with coach-hire, and a couple of guineas for the whom I supped in a sumptuous manner, and, use of the plaintiff.: The money was imme- after drinking a hearty glass of champagne, diately deposited; Miss Williams gratified went to bed. In the morning when I awoke, the two evidences with one half, and, putting I found my gallant had got up, and, drawing the other in her pocket, drove home with me, aside the curtain, could not perceive him in leaving the catchpole grumbling: over his the room. This circumstance gave me loss, yet pleased, in the main, for having. so some uneasiness; but as he might have recheaply got clear of a business that might tired on some necessary occasion, I waited, have cost him ten- times the sum, and his a full hour for his return, and then, in the place to boot. This guinea was a very sea- greatest perplexity, rose up, and rung the sonable relief to us, who were reduced to bell. When the waiter came to the door, great necessity, six of my shirts, and almost he found it locked, and desired admittance, all my clothes, except those on my back, which I granted, after observing, with great having been either pawned or sold for our, surprise, that the key remained on the inside, maintenance before this happened. As. we as when we went to bed. I no sooner inresented the behaviour of our landlady, our quired for the captain, than the fellow, stafirst care was to provide: ourselves with ring with a distracted look, cried;-" How, another lodging, whither we removed next madam! is he not a-bedl?" And, when he day, with an intention to keep ourselves as was satisfied as to that particular, ran into a. retired as possible, until our. cure should be closet adjoining to the chamber, the window completed.: When we were fixed in our of which he found open. Through this the: new habitation, I entreated her to-finish the adventurer had got upon a wall, from whence: story of her life, which she pursued in this bhe dropped down into a court, and escaped,. manner., leaving me to be answerable, not only for the The success; of our experimenti on the reckoning, but also for a large silver tankard judge encouraged us to practise the same and posset-bowl, which he had carried off' deceit on others, and my virginity was five with him. It is impossible to describe the times sold to good purpose,: but this harvest consternation I was under, when I saw mylasted not loug, my charactertaking air, and. self detained as a thief's accomplice; for I my directress deserting me for some new was looked upon in that light, and carried game. Then I took lodgings near Charing,. before a justice, who, mistaking my confusion cross, at two guineas per week, and began for a sign of guilt, committed me, after a. to entertain company in a public manner: short. examination, to Bridewell, having adbut nmy income being too small to defray my vised me, as the only means to save my life,.xpen ne, I was. obliged to-retrench, and en- to turn evidence, and impeach my confedeter info; articles with the porters of, certain rate. I now concluded the vengeance of taverns,:who undertook to find employment Heaven had overtaken me,.and that I must enough.for me, provided I would share my soon finish my career by an ignominious profits with them. Accordingly, I was almost death. This reflection sunk so deep in my every night engaged with company, among soul, that I was for some days deprived of whom I was, exposed to every mortification, my reason, and. actually believed myself in danger, and abuse, that flow fropm drunken- hell, tormented by fiends: indeed there needs: ness, brutality, and disease. How miserable not a very extravagant imagination to form is the condition of a courtezan, whose busi- that. idea; for, of all the scenes on earth, ness it is to soothe,, suffer, and obey, the that of Bridewell approaches nearest the dictates of rage, insolence, and lust.!i As notion I had always entertained of the infermy spirit was not sufficiently humbled to the nal regions. Here I saw nothing but rage, will, nor my temper calculated for the con- anguish, and impiety, and heard nothing but versation of my gallants, it was. impossible groans, curses, and blasphemy. In the for me to overcome an aversion I felt-for my midst of this hellish crew, I was subjected 4 C 52 74 SMOLLETTj. SELECT WORKS. to the tyranny of a barbarian, who imposed quarter sessions; in consequence of which upon me tasks that I could not possibly per- her bevy was dispersed, and herself commitform, and then punished my incapacity with ted to Bridewell. She had not been long the utmost rigour and inhumanity.:I was there before she learned my disaster, and, often whipped into a swoon; and lashed out coming up to me, after a compliment of conof it, during which miserable intervals I was dolence, inquired into the particulars of my robbed.by my fellow-prisoners of every thing fate. While we were engaged in discourse about me, even to my cap, shoes, and stock-' together, the master came and told me that ings: I was not only destitute of necessa- the, fellow on whose account I'had suffered ries, but even of food; so that my wretch- was taken;'that he had confessed the theft, edness was extreme. Not one ofmy acquaint- and cleared me'of any concern in the affair; ance, to whom I imparted my situation,'would for which reason, he, the master, had orders grant me the least succour or regard, on to discharge me, and that I was from that pretence. of my being committed for theft; moment free. This piece of news soon banand my landlord refused to part with some ished all thoughts of death, and had such an of my own clothes, which I sent for, because instantaneous effect on my countenance, I was indebted to him for a week's lodging. that Mrs Coupler (the lady then present), Overwhelmed with calamity, I grew despe- hoping' to find her account in me, very generate, and resolved to put an end to iny rously offered to furnish me with what negrievances and life together; for this purpose cessaries I wanted,'and take me into her I got up in the middle of the night, when I own house, as soon as she should comprothought every body round me asleep, and, mise matters with the justices. The condifixing one end of my handkerchief to a large tions of her offer were, that I should pay hook in the ceiling, that supported the scales three guineas, weekly for my board, and a on which the hemp is weighed, I stood upon reasonable consideration besides, for the use;a chair, and, malring a noose on the other of such clothes and ornaments as she should end, put my neck into it, with an intention supply me with, to be deducted from the first t.o hang myself; but before I could adjust profits of my embraces. These were hard the knot, I was surprised and prevented by terms: but not to be rejected by one who tswo women who had been awake all the was turned out helpless and naked into the while, and suspected my design. In the wide world, without a friend to pity or assist morning my attempt was published among her. I therefore embraced her proposal; tne prisoners, and punished with thirty and she being bailed in a few hours, took me stripes; the pain of which, co-operating home with her in a coach. As I was by this W.ith my disappointment and disgrace, bereft time conscious of having formerly disgusted me of roy senses, and threw me into an ecsta- my admirers by my reserved and haughty sy of madness; during which I tore the behaviour, I now endeavoured to' conquer flesh from my bones with my teeth, and that disposition; and the sudden change of dashed my head'against the pavement; so my fortune giving me a flow of spirits, I apthat they were obliged to set a watch over peared in the most winning and gay manner me, to restrain me from doing farther mis- I could assume. Having the advantage of a chief to myself and others. This fit of frenzy good voice and education, I exerted my talcontinued three days, at the end of which I ents to the uttermost, and soon became the grew calm and sullen; but'as the desire of favourite with all company. This success making away with myself still remained, I alarmed the pride and jealousy of Mrs Coupcame to a determination of starving myself ler, who could not bear the thoughts of being to death, and with that view refused all sus- eclipsed: she therefore made a merit of her tenance. Whether it was owing to the envy, and whispered'among the customers want of opposition, or to the weakness of that I was unsound. There needed no more nature, I know not, but on the second day to ruin my reputation and blast my prosperiof my fast, I found my resolution considera- ty; every body shunned me with marks of bly impaired, and the calls of hunger almost aversion and disdain; and, in a..very short insupportable. At this critical juncture, a time, I was as solitary as ever.:.'.Want of tady was brought into the prison, with whom gallantswas attended with want of money I had contracted an acquaintance whileI 1 to satisfy my malicious landlady, who, havlived: with Horatio: she was then on' the ing purposely given me credit to the amount same footing as I was, but afterwards quar-i of eleven pounds, took out a writ' against me, relling with her gallant, and not finding and I was arrested in her own house. Though another to her mind, altered her scheme in the room was crowded with. people when life, and set up a coffee-house among the the bailiff entered, not one of them had comr hundreds of Drury, where she: entertai.ned passion enough to mollify my prosecutrix, gentlemen with claret, arrack,' and the choice far less to pay the debt. They even laughed of half a dozen of damsels, who lived in her at my tears; and one of them bade me be o. house. This serviceable matron having neg- good cheer, for I should not want admirers ected to gratify a certain justice for the in Newgate. At that instant a sea4 lieuten, snnnivance she enjoyed, was indicted at the. ant came in, and seeing my plight, began to ADVENTURES OF RODERICK RANDOM. 75 inquire into the circumstances of my misfor- in'hopes of.gaining. some, admirer more for tune, when this wit advised him to keep my purpose, and at length attracted the re: clear of me, for I was a; fire-ship. " fire- gard. of one who..would have satisfied my ship!" replied the sailor, "more like a poor wishes, and managed matters so well, that galley in distress,- that has been'boarded by a day was actually fixed for our nuptials; in such a fire-ship as you: if so bel as that is the interim.he begged leaveto. introduce an the case, she stands in more need of assist- intimate friend.to me;_ which request, as I ance. Hark'ee, my girl,- how far hve. you could not refuse, I had, the; extreme mortifioverrun the; constable " I'told him, that cation and surprise to see next night, in that the debt a:mounted to eleven. pounds, besides friend, my old keeper, Horatio, who no the expense of the'writ. " An that be all" sooner beheld me than he changed - colour, said he, "you shan't'go to the bilboes this but had presence of.mind to advance, and: bout."'ALnd. taking out' his purse, paid the: salute me, bidding me (with a-low voice).be money,' discharged the bailiff, and telling me under no apprehension, for he would not exI had got.into the wrong, port, advised me to pose me.'In spite of this assurance, I couldseek out a more' convenient harbour,: where'not recover myselfso far as to entertain them, I could be safely hove down, for which''pur- but withdrew to my. chamber, on pretence of pose he made me a present of five guineas a severe headache to.the no small concern of more. I was so touched with this singular my adorer, who took his leave:in the piece of generosity, that, for some time, Ihad tenderest manner, and. went off with his not power to thank him. However, as soon friend. as' I had recollected myself, I begged the Having imparted my situation to my com-: favour of him. to go with me to the next tav-, panion, she found it high time for us to deern, where I explained the nature of my dis- camp, and that without any. noise, because' aster, and' convinced him of the falsehood of we were.not only indebted to our landlady, what was reported to my prejudice so effect- but also to several tradesmen in the,neigh-:ally, that he from that moment attached'bourhood. Our. retreat,.therefore, was conhimself to me, and we lived in great harmony'certed and executed in this manner:.having together, until he was obliged to go to sea, packed up all our clothes and movables in where he perished in a storm.; small parcels, she (on pretence of fetching Having lost my benefactor, and almost cordials for me) carried -them, at' several consumed the remains of his bounty, I saw times, to the house of an acquaintance, where myself in danger of relapsing into'my former she likewise procured a lodging, to which necessity, and began to be veryuneasy at the - we'retired in the middle of the night, when prospect ofbailiffs and jails; when one of the every other body in the house wasasleep. I sisterhood, a little stale, aidvised me to take.was now obliged to aim at, lower game, and lodgings in a part of the town where was, accordingly spread my nets among tradesunknown, andd'pass for an heiress, by which people; but found them all kto phlegmatic or artifice I might entrap somebody' to, be my'cautious. for my art and attraction; till at husband, who would:possibly be' able to allow last I became acquainted with you, on whom I me a handsome maintenance, or,. at worst, practised all my dexterity;, not that I believscreen me from the dread and danger of a pri- ed you had any fortune, or expectation of son, by becoming liable for.'whatever debts one, but that I might transfer the burden of I should contract. I approved of this scheme, such debts as I had incurred, or should contowards the execution of which my compan- tract,' from myself to another, and at the ion clubbed'her wardrobe, and undertook to same' time avenge myself of your sex, by live with me in quality of my maid; with the rendering miserable one who bore such reproviso, that she should be reimbursed, and'semblance to the wretch who ruined me; but handsomely considered out of the profits of heaven preserved you from my snares, by the my success. She was immediately detached discovery you made, which was owing to the to look out for a convenient place, and that negligence of my maid in leaving the chamber very day hired a genteel apartment in Park- door unlocked when she-went to buy sugar street, whither I moved in a coach loaded for'breakfast. The person in bed with me with her baggage and my own. T made my Was a gentleman whom I had allured the first appearance in ablue riding-habit,'tri', nightbefore, as he walked homeward, pretty med with silver; and my maid acted her part much elevated. with liquor; for by this time so artfully, that, in a day or two,my fame was my condition. was so low, that I was forced spread all over the neighbourhood,'and I'was to turn out in the twilight to the streets, in said to be a rich heiress just, arrived from the hopes' of prey.. When I found myself deteccountry. This report brought a swarm of ted and forsaken by you, I was fain to move gay young fellows about me; but I soon my lodging, and dwell two pair of stairs found them out to.be'all indigent ad'venturers higher than before. My.companion being like myself, who crowded' to me like crows disappointed in her expectations, left me, to to a qarrion, with a view of preying upon trade upon her own bottom; and I had no my fortune. I maintained, however, the ap- other resource than to venture forth, like the pearance of wealth as long as possible, owls. in the dark, to pick up a precarious and 76 SMOLIETTS SELECT WORKS. uncomfortable subsistence. I have often been so unluckyin the conditio f a.apr0sti,'saUnteredhbetWeen'Ludgate-hill. and Charing tute, as many others of the same comninfity. cross a whole winter:night; exposeid not only "i have often Seen," said she, "while: I to the inclemeciy:ofthe'-we ether, but likewise strolled about the streets at imidnight, a numt the rigf hunger' and thirst, Without ber of, naked wretches reduced to rags and being so happy as to'meet With one'cully"; flth, huddlied together like swine, in the corthen creepl:up tdomj garret in a:deplorable ner of a dark alley; some of whom, but draggled:cbndition, sne'ak to bed, aril ty to eighteen mn 6ths before, I had known the bury:myapetite anai sorows inslep fiavourites of'the town, rolling in affluence, Wfhen I lighted' on som"e ralk or' tradesmani and glittering in all the pomp of ejipage and reeling home drunk,'I frequerfily.suffered the dress.;And iideed the gradation is easily mhost brutaltreatment, in spite of which Iwasa conceived.: the most fashionablewoman of the obliged to'affect gaiety and galumo our, town is as liable to a contagion' as one in a though my soul: was stung with resentment much humbler sphere;i she infects her adand disdain, and my heart loaded with grief: rmrers; her situation is public; sheis avoidanrid:affliction.' iln the ourse of these nic ed neglected unable to support':herusual turnal adventures'I hWaspihifected: "th the' iapp/rance, which, however, she strives to disease, that, in a short timerendered me t heI inaintain as. lon g as possible.; her credit fails; object of my own abhorrence, and drove mie to she is obiged to retrench, and become' a the retreat where your b'eeence're d night-walker; her malady gains ground'; She me' from.1the jaws of death>''' "' taipers with her cons.titution, add ruins it; So much candour and good sense appeared' he'rlcomplexion fades; she grows nauseous to in this lady's'narration, that made no scru- ievery, bodyi.. finds herself redued:to a starvie of'believi ng every syllable' f'fwhat' s hied ungkconditi'on; is tempted to PickPckets; E'~aaid; and expreessed: my' yostpnishmeiiit:tth "' edetectedcoiite i o Newgate, where variety of miseries ~'she hadudergne in so she reains in a miserabl'e onditio till she little time::'foir all' her' misfortunes ha sdischarged; becaus ethe plaintiff' will not jsl~~lisc~ay~f~,,; h r Ndbb -d wllf. afford happened withint the'cmpsoftwo' y ea r s. appear to prpsesute her. Npbody will afford 1' compared her situation' with mry o6N, and her lodging; the' siptoms of'her' distemper found:- it a thousand.times "mbr'e wretched. are grown outrageous; she sues to be admitIhad endured hardships, it is true; my: whole ted into an hospital, where she is cured at the life had been a series, of'such; and when I expenseof her nose; she is -tuirned out naked liooked foirward,:t:hePlr0opectrawas' not much into the streets, depends upon the addresses bettered; but then':thi"y've're become hea-' of the lowest class,' is.fain to allay the rage of bitual't me, and conseqienty I cul bear hunger and cold witiihgn; degenerates into a them with less difficilty.'If one scheme oo' brUtal insensibility, rots and des upon a dunglife should not'succeed,; i coilil'have- re26 hill. Miserable wretch that I am!; perhaps course to another, and' so t a thid veeiig the.same horrors aredecreed for' me! No, about to a thousand different shifts, accord- cied she, after some pause, "I shall never ig to the emergncies'of fate, h live to1 such extremity of distress! My own out forfeiting the dignity f-my ha.c ter hand shall open a way for my deliverance, beyond a': power of.retrieving'i, i6r sub.- before i arrive at. that forlorn period i" Her jcting.myself wholly to thie capriceand barn corndition filled me: with sympathy and combarity of the world. On the otherhand, she passion; I revered her qualifications, looked had-f known and relished'the'swe'ets of' pros-[''pon-.'her as un'fortunate, not crimlrmin:al and Peiity'; she had been brough't up under the, attended her with such care and success, that, Wvings of an indulgentparnt t,' paret, in all the deli- in less than to months, her heal!, as well cacie's to Which'her sex:'fnd.rank' entitled,asmy own, wasperfectly re-estabiished. As he'and, wifth'6t aiy e:~tr'/av'gaiice of Woe,' ofh,]e ften conferred upon ourmutua affairs, e'hteritaine:d h'erself with:thi view'of aifrin'te;r and Iterchanged advi ce, a thousarid differenit rupted happiness throughthe'wh6le sceiiof irects were formed, dwhich, upon further lie'.:How'ft'htal, tihen,'ho'wf't'r'enting,'flow.['canVassi.ng,'appeared imprcticable. We iitoeralle, mrust herrevars e 5ffort lie~be'.'a would have gladly gpne to service; butwho rver'se that' note only robs'hr of'ih6i"iter woiidtake us in without reco mmen dationn' nal' coifb{'s, and: plunges'hr in-itd''all th:'iAtiegt' an expedieint boccurred tp her, of iiseries:'bf w ant, but S uders' her'pe'ae which she, intende to lay hold;' and this was i?'se'ibs:'bf *kht'bu bt gjf-` ~ 4$s~sn aT' 6'e i J.'h she,: ~ e:olld ofmind; and'6ntails iipbohi herthe' cuse of' to i sc` t e, with the first nldys d cternal infamy~!' Ofr al:l rdfe os Iroio':prearn,:he hniefjgarh f a countri wench, go neunced that of-a courtezafi.themost deplo to" some, village~ at': a' ~goed- dtnce'from, rablle, afid' her fall'11.:iiutezainst~ h I m tb eiina C e up In a wa gon, ~as'a fresh: un happy.: " She':alod'iy'o bservatio to gir ferstvia ce;by' ahich'eaiis she, rhigihth' be:juist'mItin ~the manbtath sae tiimbi::;he,' m l6bii'degd fr in6: i'a mJiana'er nmuch' more suitable''affirmed that,: notwithstanding': the ds graees to her incpinationm thanp her present way h1ic6h had fallen'tb h'er slr; s he hadt not'" ofailfe. uiiapy.Sh'`,~tv'y6dmy- o961V6't t"`'...... ADVENTJURES'OF RODERIC( RANDOM. 77 down into the hold ainong a parcel of mierCHAPTER XXIV. able wretches, the sighht;bf'whom ivel distracted me. *As the co'mid*hing Oi I am.reduced to great misery, —ss auau it'e c r had not urinainity enough to, order my on Tower-hill by a press -ganUg,:who put woinds o e aressea, an d:Icould rnot use me on board a tender-nY-usage there' — - ii'y o'n hands'sI desire"d d6ne of'y ffeli6w, my arrival on bb6ard of: athe ThZ' ca;itives, w, ho was ufettere, to tak e a hand. man of - war,'wiere I, am it: i;on ins,'and erchief out of:niy p6oclet, and tie it round afterwards; released'tb}he gooi oj~yces smy head to'stbp the bleding. He pulled of IMr Thomson,.who recommendse s uit my andkerChie,'f'Si.tre, bUt, instead an assistant to the surgeon-e reilates of applyiing it. to thetiuse frwdh. i designed his'own story, and'makes'me qcquaintec it, weiit t the:grating ofthe hchway, and, with thie characters of. the cap tain, sur With asth nishing Composure,:sold it before geon, Zanidfir:st mate. my face: to.a bumboast hw-oIhan,* then;'n....~ e biara.ifor.a lf uar t a' ]'gin''ith,which he I APrrP-LAJUDED tihe'resoltion f Miss W ir e, eat ed my coYpasii{s, regardless of my amrs, who,'~ few days after, ~was hi'red i circumstances and entreaties. quality of bar-keeper, by one ofe aiesI pained bitterly f this'robbery to the who had witnessed in her behalf at the Mar- niidshipman oii deck,'tellifig h imratte -same shalsea, and who, since that tme, had'got tiIne,:th at,'isn'ss / hisrts were dre-ssed, I crdit with a wine merchant,. whose fav0o,- ul bled todeathi, f mut cmBpassion wvas ite she'was,, to set up a convenient housef a weakness.of which no man could uis.tly her own. Tiither my feliow'lodgerrepaired, accuse this persn, wio,,' h0sqitQitnga ainIouth after having taken leave of rhe with'a torrent ful. pf dissolved ItobaC upon meb, through of tears, and a thousand'protestations of the gr rntings, told me.- ws aminos eternal gratitude; assuring me she would're- dog, and that'I'mgt' die d ii bed-...d." main in this situation no longer than she — inhdifig theie was n, 6tdr rmiii6edy, I apshould pick up money. sufficient to put ler pealed to pa{ti{nce, andlaid uplth ssusage in other design in execution.. my memory, to i6'reqll.daAt/a tlter season. As for -my own part, I saw no resource In. the' men time, t'olss'of bo6o, Vexation, but the army or navy; betw eehn which I'nd'wantof foo,;'or'tribhteda,itthth' noihesitated so'lon,'thatI.'found myself re- some st'nch of;th. pIace, to throw ime into duced to a starving condition. My si{rit awoon, out ofwhich'I ws reco0ered by a began to accommodate itself'to my beggarly tweak of the no se, amiiiistered: by the tar fate, and I became so mean as to go down who stood ceniinel ver us, who at. thesame towards Wapping, with an intention'to in-i time regaled'/'me with';:draught of flip, and quire for an old school-fellow, who, I:un- comforted ne wbithltnelh6pees f/being put derstood, had got the command of a small on board't'he" Thuitder next day, where I coasting vessel, then'in the river, and im- ishould be freef:'my hm andacuffsaii.dcured plore'his assistani.:But my destinypre- ofemy wounadsb they doItor.' no sooner vented this abject piece of behaviour; for, herd him nie the Tiiihunder,f I asked as I'crossed Tower-wharf, a.squat.tawny ifhe ha blonged to that shi.lo:ng? aid fellow, with a hanger byhis side, and a'cad- he giving me to nders tan' e had begel in his hand, came up to me, caioin,- l onged to her five years, _I inquired if Y o, ho! brother, you mnust come.,alQng he knew Lieutenant irowiing'.Know with me!" As I did not like his appear- Lieutenant Bowling,"'said h, "odds my ance, instead of answeringhis saiutatioii, I ife ndthatiad;.a. gooa seaman he quickened my, pace, in hope of'riadding mey- is, as ever stepped upn forecastle,-and a self of his com rpany; upon which he wistled biave fellow'as edver'cracked~ biscuit;-none aloud, and immediately anbohqhr sailor ap- of youir g:iiinea/pigs,-,:2or your- fresh.water, peared before me, who laid hold of me by Iwishy-Wash'y, fair-weather fo.wls, Many a the collar, and began to drag me along. tough gale of wind has honest Tom Bowlirg Not being in a humour to relishisudh treat- and I Weathered'togeiher, ~. ere's'his health ment, I disengaged myself of the assailant, with all my heart, where.ver he'i a-l/oft:or and, with one blow of my cuidge'l, laid him a-low-.in heaven o.. i.n. r hio w —in heaven or ~ hl-asoef motionless on the'-ground; and perceiving ihat-he needs not be hea as tonSh fhimor myself surrounded in a trice, by tein ora; do- self.". I was so mu h. afcctdd With.'this zen more, exerted myself with'such dcX- eulogium, that Icould'not refsrain frontelling terity and success, that some'o my o ppo- him that wa; Lieiute ant i]owingsksiknsman; nents were fain to attack -fmie with drawn' in consequence.of whi'ch.connexionlie excutlasses; and, after an obstinate engage:- pressed an inclination'to serve mie, andUwhen ment, in which I received a large wound: o:." my head, and aiother on my left cheek, I a A humboat woman, is one who sells bread was disarmed, taken:prisoner, and carried cheese, greens, liquor, and fresh proisaions to. on board a pressing tender, where, after be- the sailors, in a small boat thjat lies alongside ing-pinioned like a malefactor, I was thrust the ship. 52* SMOLLETT'S SELECT WORKS. ne -was relieved, brought some cold boiled in the pinnace, and afterwards the lieutenant beef in a platter, and bi scuit, on Which we carried the cutter ashore; and so they, leavsupped plentifully, and afterwards drank ing the boats' crews on their oars, went away another can of flip together. While we together; and so, d'ye see, in less than a were thus engaged, he recounted a great quarter of an hour we heard firing, whereby many exploits of:my uncle,' who, I fouhd, was We made for the place, and found the captain very much beloved by the ship's company, lying wounded on the beach, and'so brought and pitied for the'misfortune' that had hap- him on board to the doctor, who cured him pened to himii in Hispaniola,' whichli'1 i was'n less than six weeks. But the lieutenant very glad to'be informed,' was not so great'clapped on all the sail he could bear,;and had as I imagined;'for Captain OakUm. had re- got far enough a-head before we knew any covered of his' wounds,' and' actually at:that thing' of the matter; so that we could never time commanded: the ship.' Having, by ac- after get sight of him, for which we were cident, in my pocket my' uncle's letter, not'sorry, because'the captain was mainly written from Port Louis, I gave it to my wroth, and would certainly have done him a benefactor (whose name was'Jack'Rattlin) mischief; —for he afterwards caused him to for his perusal; but honest Jack told me be run on the ship's books, whereby he lost frankly he could not' read, and: desired to all his pay, and if he should be';taken would know the contents:'which -I immediately be tried as a deserter." communicated. When he heard tha: pat t This' account of the captain's'behaviour of it in which he says he had'written to his gave me no advantageous idea of his chalandlord in Deal, he cried,-:' Body''me'! racter; and I could not help "lamenting my that was old Ben Block-he was dead' be'- own fate, that had subjected me to suchl a fore the letter camne to han:d.-' Ey, ey, had commander. However, making a virtue of Ben been alive, Lieutenant' Bowling would necessity, I put a good face on the matter, have had no occasion to skulk'' so loig.; and next day was, with the other pressed Honest Ben was the first; man'that taught nen, put on board' of the'Thunder, lying at him to hand, reef' and:'steer. —Wei''well, he Nore.' When we came'alongside, the we must all die, that's Certain, we must all mate, who guarded us thither, ordered my come to port sooner or later-at sea,:'or on handcuffs to be taken 6ff, that I might get on shore; we must be fast mored one day.; — board the easier.. This circumstance being death's like'the best' bower anichor, as the perceived by some of the company, who saying is, it will bring us'all'up." I could stood upon the gang-boaerds to see us'enter, not but signify my approbation of the just- one of them called to Jack Rattlin, who was ness of Jack's reflections;''and inquired into busied in doing this: friendly office for me,the occasion of the quarrel between'Captain " Hey, Jack' what Newgate galley have you Oakum and my'uncle; which he explained boarded in the river as you came along' have in this manner.-" Captain Oakum, to be we not thi'eves enow among' us already?" sure, is'a good man enough —besides, he's Another observing my wounds, which remy commander; —but whatq that to mel-' mained exposed to the air, told me my seams I do my'duty, and value no man's anger' of were uncaulked, and that I mutist be new a rope's end. —Now the report goes as how payed.: A third, seeing my hair clotted he's a lord, or baron knight's brother, where- together with blood, as it were, into distinct by, d'ye see me, he carries a straight arm, and cords, took notice' that my bows were mankeeps aloof from'his officers,'thof, mayhap, ned: with the red ropes, instead of my side. they may be as good men'In the' main as he. A fourth asked me if I could not keep my Now-, we lying at anchor'in Tuberoon bay, yards square without iron braces And, in Lieutenant Bowling had'the'middle:wat'h, short, a thousand witticisms of the same naand'as lie always kept'a good iook out, he ture were passed upon me before' I could get made,' d'ye see, three lights'in the offing, up the ship's side. After we-had been all whereby he-ran. down to the great'cabin for' entered upon the ship's books,:I inquired' of orders, and found'the' captain asleiep; where- one of my shipmates where the surgeon was, upon he waked.him, which put him in a that I might'have my'wounds' dressed:; and main high "passion, and he swore woundily had actually got as far as the middle deck, at the lieutenant, and called him lousy Scotch for our ship carried eighty guns, in my way son of a w- (for I being then sentinelin to the cock-pit, when I' was met'by'the'same the steerage, heard all), and swab,: and lub- midshipman who'had used m'e so barbarouslv ber;,whereby the lieutenant returned.x tsa- in'he teider: he, seeing me free' from my lute, and they': jawed together, fore and aft,' chains,' asked,' with an insolent air, who had a good spell, till' at last the captain turned released mel To this question I'foolishly out, and laying:hold"' of a rattan, came answered, with a countenance that too plainathwart Mr'Bowling's quarter';'whereby he' ly -declared'the state' of my -thoughts,told the captain, that, if he was not his com- "' Whoever did it; I'am:.persuaded, did not mander, he would hea ve him' overboard, and consult you in the affair'."' I had n'o sooner demanded satisfaction ashore; whereby, in uttered' these words, than he cried-" Damn the morning watch the captain went ashore you, you saucy son of a b —, I'll teach you ADVE//ES OF RODERICK RANDOM. 79 to talk so to your officer." So.saying, he- of the surgeon's mates: and when he had bestowed on me several severe stripes with a. shown me their berth (as he called it), I was supple-jack he had in his hand'; and going to filled; with astonishment and horror. We the.commanding officer, made such a report of descended by divers ladders to a space as me, that I was immediately put in irons by dark. as a dungeon, which I understood was the master at arms, and a centinel placed immersed several feet under water, being over me. Honest Rattlin, as soon as he immediately above the hold. I had no sooner heard of my condition, came to me, and ad- approached this dismal gulf, than my nose ministered all the consolation he could, and was saluted with an intolerable stench of then went to the surgeon in my behalf, who putrified cheese and rancid butter, that issued sent one of his mates to dress my wounds. from an, apartment at the foot of the ladder, This mate was no other than my old friend resembling a chandler's shop, where, by the Thomson, vWith whom I became acquainted faint glimmering of a candle, I could perat the navy-office, as before mentioned. If ceive a man with a pale meagre countenance, I knew him at first sight, it was not easy sitting behind a kind of desk, having specfor him to recognise me, disfigulred with blood tacles on his nose, and a pen in his hand. and dirt, and altered by the misery I had un- This (I learned of Mr Thomson) was the dergone. Unknown as I was to him, he ship's steward, who sat there to distribute surveyed me with looks of compassion, and provisionr to the several messes, and to mark handled my sores with great tenderness. what each received. IHe therefore presented WVhen he had applied whatlhe thought pro. my name to him, and desired. I might be per, and was about to leave me, I asked him entered in his mess; then, taking a light in if my misfortunes had disguised me so much his hand, conducted me to the place of his that he could not recollect my facel Upon residence, which was a square of about six this address, he observed me with great.ear- feet, surrounded with the medicine chest, nestness for some time, and at length pro- that of the first mate, his own, and a board, tested he could not recollect one feature of by way of table, fastened to the after powdermy countenance. To keep him no longer room: it was also inclosed with canvas in suspense, I told him my name; which, nailed round to the beams of the ship, to when he heard, he embraced me with affec- screen us from the cold, as well as from the tion, and professed his sorrow at seeing me view of the midshipmen and quarter-masters, in such a disagreeable situation. I made who lodged within the cable tiers on each him acquainted with my story; and, when side of us. In this gloomy mansion he enhe heard how inhumanly I had been used tertained me with some cold salt pork, which in the tender, he left me abruptly,'assuring he brought from a sort of locker fixed above me I should see:him again soon. I had the table; and, calling for the boy of the scarce time to wonder at his sudden depar- mess, sent for a can o' beer, of which he ture, when the master at arms came to the made excellent flip to crown the banquet. place of my confinement, and bade me follow By this -time I began to recover my spirits, him to the quarter-deck, where I was exam- which had been exceedingly depressed by ined by the first lieutenant, who commanded the appearance of every thing about me, and the ship in the absence of the captain, touch-. could no longer refrain from asking the paring the treatment I had received in the ten- ticulars of Mr Thomson's fortune, since I had der from my friend the midshipman, who seen him in London. He told me, that, was present to confront me. I recounted being disappointed in his expectations of the particulars of his behaviour to me, not borrowing money to gratify the rapacious only in the tender, but since my being on secretary at the navy-office, he found him. board the ship, part of which being proved self utterly unable to subsist any longer in by the evidence of Jack Rattlin and others, town, and had actually offered his service, ini who had no great devotion for myoppressor, quality of mate; to the surgeon of a mer( hant's I was discharged from confinement, to make ship' bound to Guinea on the slaving trade, way for him, who was delivered to the.mas- when one morning a young fellow with whom ter at arms, to take his turn in the bilboes. he had some acquaintance came-to his lodgAnd this was not the only satisfaction I en- ings,.and informed him that he hadaseen a joyed; for I was, at the request of the sur- warrant made out in his name at the navygeon, exempted from all other duty than that office, for surgeon's second mate of a third of assisting his nlates in making and admin- rate. This unexpected piece of good news istering medicines to the sick. This good he could scarcely believe to be true, more office I owed to the ~riendship of Mr Thom- especially as he had been found, qualified at son, who had represented me in such a surgeons' hall for third mate only; but, that favourable light to the surgeon, that he de- he might not be wanting to himself, he went mandel ne of the lieutenant to supply the thither to be assured, and actually found it place of histhirid mate, who was lately dead. so; whereupon demanding his warrant, it When I: had obtained this favour, my friend was delivered to him, and the oaths adminThomson carried me down to the cock-pit, istered immediately. That very afternoon which is the ulace allotted for the habitation he went to Gravesend in the tilt-boat, irorm 80 SMOLLETT'S SELECT WORKS. whence he took a place in the tide-coach for your master says." Here'he was interrupted Rochester; next morning got on board the with-" Splunter and oons! you lousy tog, Thunder, for which he was appointed, then, who do you call my master.? get you gone-to lying in the harbour at Chatham; and the -the doctor, and tell him my'birth, and educasame day was mustered by the clerk of the tion, and my abilities, and moreover my. becheque. And well it was for him that such haviour, is as goodas his, or any shentleman's expedition was used; for, in less than twelve (no disparagement to him) in the whole world. hours after his arrival, another William Got pless my soul! does he think, or conThomson came on board, affirming that he ceive, or imagine, that I-am a horse, or an was the person for whom'the warrant was'ass, or a goat, to trudge backwards and forexpedited, and that the other was an impos- wards, and upwards, and downwards, and by tor. My friend was grievously alarmed at sea and by land, at his will and pleasure? go the accident, the more so as his namesakei your whys, you rapscallion, and tell Dr Athad very much the advantage over him both kins, that I desire and request that he will in assurance and dress. However, to acquit give a look upon the tying man, and order himself of the suspicion of imposture, he pro- something for him if'he be tead or alive, and duced several letters written from Scotland I will see him take it by and by, when my to him in that name, and recollecting that cravinfg stomach is satisfied, look you." At his indentures were in a box on board, he this the other went away, saying, that if they brought them up, and convinced all present would serve him so when he was dying, by that he had not assumed a name which did:G-d he would be foul of them in the other not belong to him. His competitor, enraged world. Here:r Thoinson let me know that that they should hesitate in doing him justice the person we heard was Mr Morgan, the (for, to be sure, the warrant had been de- first mate, who was just come onboard from signed for him), behaved with so much inde- the hospital, whither he had attended some cent he-t, that the commanding officer (who'of the sick in the morning. At the same was the same gentleman I had seen), and.time I saw him come into the birth. He was the surgeon, were offended at his presump- a short thick man, with a face garnished with tion, and, making a point of it with their pimples, a snub-nose turned up at the end, an friends in town, in less than a week got the excessive wide mouth, and little fierce eyes, first confirmed in his station. "I have been surrounded with skin puckered up in innuon board," said he, " ever since, and, as this merable wrinkles. My friend immediately way of life is- become familiar to me, have made him acquainted with my case; when no cause to complain of my situation: the he regarded me with a very lofty look, but surgeon is a good-natured indolent man: the without speaking, set down a bundle he had first mate, who is now on shore on duty, is in his hand, and approached the cupboard, indeed a little proud and choleric, as all which, when he had opened, he exclaimed, Welchmen are, but in the main a friendly in a great passion,-" Cot is my life! all the honest fellow: the lieutenants I have no pork is gone, as I am a Christian." Thomconcern with; and as for the captain, he is son then gave him to understand, that as I too much of a gentleman to know a surgeon's had been brought on board half famished, he mate even by sight."'could do no less than entertain me with what was in the locker; and the rather as he had bid:the steward enter me in the mess. WheCHAPTER XXV. ther this disappointment made Mr Morgan more peevish than usual, or he really thought The behaviour of Mr Morgan-his pride, himself too little regarded by his fellow mate, displeasure, andgenerosity —the economy I know not, but after some pause, he went of our mess described- Thomson sfurther on in this manner,-" Mr Thomson, perhaps.friendship-the nature'of my duty ex- you do not use me with all the good manners, plained-the situation of the sick. and complaisance, and respect, look you, that becomes you, because you have inot vouchWHILE he was thus discoursing to rme, we safedto advise with me in this affair. I have, heard i- voice on the cock-pit ladder pro- in my time, look you,. been a man of some nounce with great vehemence, in a strange weight and substance, and consideration, and dialect,-" The devil and his dam blow me have kept house and home, and paid scot and from the top of Mounchdenny, if I go to him lot, and the king's' taxes; ay, and maintained before there is something in my pelly; let his a family to boot. And'moreover, also, I am nose be as yellow as saffron, or as plue as a your senior, and your elder, and your petter, pell. (look you), or green as a leek,'tis all Mr Thomson." "My elder I'll allow you one." To this declaration somebody an-' to be, but not my better," cried Thomson, swered,-" So it seems my poor mess-mate with some heat. " Cot is mny saviour and must part his cable for want of a little assis- witness too," said Morgan, with great vehelance. His fore-top-sail is loose already; mence, " that I am more elder, arid therefore and besides, the doctor ordered you to over- more petter by many years than you." Fearhaul him-; but I see you don't mind what ing this dispute might be attended with some ADVENTrIi. ES O'F RODERICK RANDOM. 81 bad consequence, I interposed, and'told M' way." "Pas'sion of my heart!" cried MorMorgan I was very sorry for'having been'the gan, "the man is as pad as one would desire occasion of any difference between him and to be! did you feel his pulse.". To this the the second mate; and that rather thaieause other replied with,.'' anan?" Upon which the least breach in their good understandiiing, this Cambro-Briton, with great earnestness I would eat my allowance by myself, or seek and humanity, ordered the tar to run to his admission into some other.company. But messrmate, and keep him alive till he should Thomson, with more spirit than discretion come with the medicine, "and then," said he, (as I thought), insisted upon my remaining "You shall peradventure pehold what you where he had appointed me; and observed, shall see." The poor fellow, with, great simthat no man possessed of geinerosity and plicity, ran to the place where the sickr'man compassion would have any objection to it, lay, but, in less than a minute, returned with considering my birth and talents, and the a woful countenance, and told us his comrade misfortunes I had of late so unjustly under- had struck. Morgan hearing this, exclaimed gone. This was touching Mr Morgan on -"Mercy upon my salvation! why did you the right key, who protested, with great not stop him till I came " " Stop him!" earnestness, that he hlad no objection to my said the other, "I hailed him severaltimes, being received in the mess: but only com- but he was too far on his way,:and the enemy plained, that the ceremony of-asking his con- had got possession of his'close quarters: so sent was not observed. "As for a shentle- that he did not mind' me." " Well, well," man in distress," said he, shaking me by the said he, "we all owe Heaven'a teath. Go hand, "I lofe him as I lofe my own powels; your ways, you raggarnuffin, and take an exfor, Got help me! I have had vexations ample and a wartning, look you, and repent enough upon my own pack." And, as I of yourmisteets." So saying,bhepushedthe afterwards learned, in so saying he spoke no seaman out of the berth. more than what was true; for he had been While he entertained us with reflections once settled in a very good situation in Gla- suitable to this event, we heard the boatswain morganshire, and was ruined by being security pipe to dinner; and immediately the boy befor an acquaintance. All differences being longing to our mess ran to the locker, from composed, he untied his bundle, which con- whence he'carriedoflf a large wooden platter, sisted of three bunches of onions, and a and in a few minutes returned with it full of great lump of Cheshire cheese, wrapt up in a boiled peas, crying, "scaldings," all the way handkerchief; and, taking some: biscuit from as he came. The cloth, consisting of a piece the cupboard, fell to with a keen appetite, in- of an old sail, was instantly laid, covered viting us to a share of the repast. When he with three plates, which, by the colour, I had fed heartily on his homely rare, he filled could with difficulty discern to be metal, and a large cup, made of a cocoa-nut- shell, with as many spoons of the same composition, two brandy, and drinking it off, said, " prandy'of which,were curtailed in the handles, and is the best menstruum for onion and'cheese." the other abridged in the lip. Mr Morgan His hunger being appeased, he began to be himself enriched this mess with a lump of in better humour; and, being inquisitive about:salt butter, scooped trom an old gallipot, aid my birth, no sooner understood that I was a handful of onions shorn, with Some pounded descended of a good family, than he discover- pepper. I was not very much tempted with ed a particular good will to me on that ac- the appearance of this dish, of which, never-, count, deducing his own pedigree in a direct theless, my messmates eat heartily, and adline from the famous Caractacus, king of the vised' me to follow their example, as it was Britons, who was first the prisoner, and after- banyan-day, and we could have no meat -till wards the friend of Claudius Caesar. Per-'next noon. But I had already laid in sufficeiving how miuch I was reduced in point of cient for the occasion:; and therefore desired linen, he made me'a present of two good ruf- to be excused, expressing acuriosimty to know fled shirts, which, with two more of check the meaning of banyanday. They told me, which I received from Mr Thomson, enabled. that on Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays, me to appear with decency. Meanwhile, the the ship's company had no allowance of meat, sailor whom Mr Morgan had sent to the doc- and that these meagre days were called bantor, brought a prescription for hi's messmate, yan-days, the reason of which they did not which, when the Welchman had read, he know; but I thave since learnied, they take got up to prepare it, and asked if the man their denomination from a set of devotees in was " tead or alive." "Dead'! (replied. some parts:ofthe East Indies who never taste Jack) if he was dead, he would have no oc- flesh. casion for doctor's stuff. No, thank God, After dinner, Thonison led me round the death ha'nt as yet boarded him, but they have ship'showed me the different parts, described been yard arm and yard arm these three their uses, and, as far as he could, made me glasses." "Are his eyes open ". continued acquainted with the particulars of-the disci the'mate. "His starboard eye," said the pline and economy practised on bopard. He sailor,'is open, but fast jammed in his'head: then demanded of the boatswain a hammoack1 and'the haulyards of his underjaw haVe given for me, which was slung in a very neat man4 D* 82 SMOLLETT'S SELECT WORKS. ner by my friend Jack Rattlin; and as I had:over the ship, to the utter discomposure of nobed-clothes, procured credit forme with-the every body who tarried on the same deck: purser for a mattrass and two blankets. At neither was the consequence of this disgrace seven o'clock in the evening, Morgan visited confined to my sense of smelling only; for the sick, and having ordered what was pro- Ifelt my misfortune more ways than one. per for each, I assisted Thomson in making That I might not, however, appear altogether up his prescriptions; but when I followed disconcertedin this my first essay, I got up, him with the medicines into the sick berth or and pUshingmyhead with great force between hospital, and observed the situations of the two hammocks, towards the middle, where patients, I was much less surprised that peo- the greatest resistance was, I made an openple should die on board, than that' any sick ing, indeed, but, not understanding the knack person should recover. Here I saw about of dexterously turning my shoulder to mainfifty miserable distempered wretches, us- tain my advantage, had the mortification to pended in rows, so huddled one upon another, find myself stuck up as it were in a pillory, that not more than fourteen inches space was and the weight of three or four people bearallotted for each, with his bed and bedding; ing on each side of my neck, so that I was and deprived of the light of the day, as well in danger of strangulation. While I remainas of fresh air; breathing nothing but a noi- ed in this defenceless posture, one of the sick some atmosphere of the morbid steams ex- men, rendered peevish by his distemper, was haling from their own excrements and dis- so enraged at the smell I had occasioned, and eased bodies, devoured with vermin hatched the rude shock he had received from me in in the filth that surrounded them, and desti- my elevation, that, with many bitter reproachtute of every convenience necessaryfor peo- es, he seized me by the nose, which he ple in that helpless condition. tweaked so unmercifully, that I roared with anguish. Thomson, perceiving my condition, ordered one of the waiters to my assistance, CHAPTER XXVI. who- with much difficulty disengaged me from this situation, and hindered me from taking A disagreeable accident happens to me in vengeance of the sick man, whose indisposithe discharge of my office —Morgan's tion would not have screened him from the nose is offended-a dialogue between him effects of my indignation. and the ship's steward-upon examina- After having made an end of our ministry tion, Ifind more causes of complaint than for that time, we descended to the cock-pit, one-my hair is cut off-Morgan's cook- my friend comforting me for what had hapery-the manner of sleeping, on board- pened with a homely proverb, which I do I am waked in the night by a dreadful not chooseto repeat. When we had descendnoise. ed half way down the ladder, Mr Morgan, before he saw us, having intelligence by his I COUTLD not comprehend how it was possible nose of the approach of something extraordifbr the attendants to come near those who nary, cried,-" Cot have mercy upon my senhung on the inside towards'the sides of the ses! I believe the enemy has porded us in a ship, in order to assist them, as they seemed stink-pot!" Then directing his discotirse to barricadoed by those who lay on the outside,' the steward, from whom he imagined the and entirely out of the reach of all visitation. odour proceeded, he reprimanded him severeMuch less could I conceive how my friend ly for the freedoms he took among gentleThomson would be able to administer clys- men of birth, and threatened to smoke him' ters, that were ordered for some in that situ-. like a padger with sulphur, if he ever should ation; when I saw him thrust.his' wig into presume to offend his neighbours with such his pocket, and strip himself to his waistcoat smells for the future. The steward, conin a moment, then creep on all four under the scious of his own innocence, replied, with hammocks of the sick, and, forcing up. his some warmth,-" I know of no smells but bare pate'between two, keep them asunder those of your own. making." This repartee with one shoulder until he had done his duty.'introduced a smart dialogue, in which the Eager to. learn the service, I desired he would Welchman undertook to prove, that though give me leave to performn the next operation the stench he' complained of did not flow of that kind; and he consenting, I undressed from the steward's own body, he was, nevermyself after his example, and crawling along, theless, the author of it, by serving out damthe ship happened to roll; this motion alarm- aged provisions to the ship's company; and, ed me, I laid hold of the first thing that came in particular, putrified cheese, from the use within my grasp, with such violence, that I of which only, he affirmed, such unsavoury overturned it, and soon'found, by the smell steams could arise. Then he launched out that issued upon me, I had not unlocked a into the praise of good cheese, of:which he box of the most delicious perfume: it was well gave the analysis: he explained the different for me that my nose was none of the most deli- kinds: of that commodity, with the methods cate, else I know not how I mifht.have been practised to make and preserve it; and cona ffected bythis vapour, wiich diffused itself all eluded with observing, that, in yielding good ADVENTURES OF RODERICK RANDOM. cheese, the coun.y of Glamorgan might vie where they seemed to lie concealed, vE with Cheshire itself, and was m-uchi superior much at their ease. But it.was some tie to it in the produce of goats and putter. I before I could prevail upon myself to trust: gathered from this conversation, that, if I carcass at such a distance from the ground entered in my present pickle, I should be no' a' narrow bag, out of which I imagine welcome guest: and therefore desired.Mr should be apt, on the leastmotion in my slc Thomson to go before, and represent my ca-' to tumble down, at-the hazard of breaking lamity; at which the first'mate, expressing bones..I suffered myself, however, to some'concern, went upon deck immediately, persuaded, and, taking a leap to get in, thr taking his way through the cable tier,'and by myself quite'over, with such violence, th themainhatchway, to avoid encounteringme,' had I not luckily got hold of Thomsoi. d-esiringme to clean myself as soon as possi- hammock, I should have pitched upon nr ble, forhe intended to regale himself with a head on the other side, and in all likeliho dish of'salmagundy and a pipe. According- fractured my skull..After some fruitl ly I'set about this disagreeable business, and efforts, I succeeded at last; but the apprehe soon found I had:more causes of complaint sion of the jeopardy in which I believed my than I at first imagined; for I perceived some self, withstood all the attacks of sleep, till guests had honoured me with their company, towards the morning watch; when, in spite whose visit I did not at all think seasonable; of my fears, I was overpowered with slumber, neither did they seem inclined to leave me in though I did not long enjoy this comfortable a hurry, for they were in possession of my situation, being aroused with a noise so loud chief quarters, where they fed: without re- and shrill, that I thought the drums of my serve tat' the expense of my blood.' But con- ears were burst by it; this was followed by a siderin -it would be niuch easier to extirpate dreadful summons pronounced by a hoarse this ferocious colony in the infancy of their voice, which I could not understand. While settlement, than after they'should be multi- I was debating with myself whether or not I plied and naturalized to the soil, I took the should wake my companion, and inquire into advice of my friend, who, to prevent such the occasion of this disturbance, I was inmisfortunes, went always close shaved, and formed by one of the quarter-masters, who made the boy of our mess cut off my hair, passed by me with a lantern in his hand, that which had been growing since I left the ser- the noise which alarmed'me was occasioned vice'of Lavement, and the second mate.lent by the boatswain's mates, who called up the me an old bob-wig, to supply the loss of that larboard watch, and that I must lay my accovering.. count with such interruption every morning This affair being ended, and every thing at the same hour. Being now more assured adjusted in the best manner my circum- of my safety, I addressed myself again to rest, stances would permit, the descendant of Car- and slept till eight o'clock, when rising, and actacus returned, and ordering the boy to breakfasting with my comrades on biscuit and bring a piece of salt beef from the brine, cut brandy, the' sick were visited and assisted as off a slice, and mixed it with an equal quanti- before; after which visitation my good friend ty of -onions, which seasoning with a mode- Thomson explained and performed another rate proportion of pepper and salt, he brought piece of duty to which I was a stranger. At it into a Consistence with oil: and vinegar; a certain hour in the morning, the boy of the then tasting the dish,- assured us it was the mess went round all the. decks, ringing a best salmagundy that ever he made, and re- small hand-bell, and, in rhymes composed for commended it to our palates with such heart- the occasion, invited all those who had sores iness, that I could not help doing honour to to repair before the mast, where one of the his preparation. But I had no sooner swal- doctor's mates attended, with applications to lowed a mouthful, than I thought my entrails dress them.. were scorched, and endeavoured, with a deluge of small beer, to allay the heat it occasioned. Supper being over,. Mr Morgan hay- CHAPTER XXVII. ing smoked a couple of pipes, and supplied... the moisture he had expended with as many I acquire the Jriendship of the surgeon, cans of flip, of which we all partook, a cer- who p.rocures awarrantforn-me, and makes tain yawning, began to admonish me, thatt it me a present of clothes-a battle between was high time to repair by sleep the injury I a m;idshipman and me-the Surgeon leaves had suffered from want of rest the preceding the ship-the captain comes on board with night; which being perceived by my com- another surgeon-a diialoue between the panions, whose time of repose was now arri captain and Morgan-the sick are orderved, they proposed we should turn in, or, in ed to be brought upon the quarter-deck other words, go to bed. Our. hammocks, and examined —the consequences of that which hung parallel to one another, on the order-a madman accuses Morgan, and is outside of the berth, were immediately un- set at liberty b. command of the captain, lashed, and I beheld my', mess-mates spring whom he instantly attacks and pummels with great agility into their resuective nests, without mercy. SMOLLET'TS SELECT WORKS. n1tE I was busied wiith my friend in song, which I thought highly ijurios to the practice, the doctor chanced to pass hoour of my country' arid therefore gignified the place'whre e WerWet, rid, stopping my resetment, by obserVing,,that the Scots'bserve m,, api peared very well saisfied always laid:their'accbunt with finding ene-'my nleiho6d'f aappliCa.tibn; aiid after- mies among the ignorant;: insigfificafit, and ds sentfor metb his cean, wherie, havrig malicious. This unexpcted piece of' assurmined rhe; touching mry skill in surgery, ance enraged hi m to such a degree, that he i the particulars ofmyfortune, he interest- lent me a blow on'the face, which I verily himself so far in my behalf, as to promise thought had demolished my cheekbone: I assistance in procuring.a w.arrant for me, wasnot slow in returning the obligation, and eing i had been alreadyfoni'f d qualified at the affair began to be very serious, when by -geons' hall forthe station I fiiled Ob oard; accident Mr'Morgan, and one of the master's in this good office'he the more coradilly mates, coming that way, interposed, and ingaged, when he understood I was nephew quiring into the cause, endeavoured to proLieutenant Bowling, for whom he'express- mote a reconciliation; but finding us both ed a particular regard. In- the meantime, I exasperated to the uttermost, and bent:against could learn from his discourse, that he'didiiot accommodation, they advised us either to intend to go to'sea again with Captain Oakum, leave our difference undecided till we should having, as he thought, been indifferently have an opportuinity ofterminatingiton shore, used by him during the last voyage. Wiik-gentlemen, or else choose a proper place While I lived tolerably easy,'in expecta- on board, and bring it to an'issue by'boxing. tion bfpreferment, I was not altogether with- This last'expedient was gre.dily embraced out mortifications, Which I'riot onrily sufferred by us both; and beingforthwith conducted to firom the ru'de insults of the sailors.aid petty the ground proposed,:We stripped in a moofficers, among whom I was know b th ent, abdbegan a very eurious contest, i name of loblolly boy, but also -from the dis- Which I soon found myself inferior to my anposition of Morgan, who, thoUgh friendlyin tagonist, not so much in strength and agility, the main, was often very.troubleso.me with as in skill, which he had acquired in the his pride, which expected agood del of sib, School of IHoCkily-in-the-hole and Tottenmission from me, and delighted in' recapi- ham-court. Many cross buttocks did I sustulating the favours I h'ad received at his rain, and pegs in the stomach without numhands. her, till at last my breath being'quite gone, as About six weeks after-my rrival'on board, well as my vigour wasted, I grew desperate, the surgeon, bidding mefollw him into his and collecting all my strength in one effort, cabin, presented a warrant to me, bywhich I threw in at' once,, head, hands, and. feet, with wras appointed surgeon's third mate on 1boar} such violence, that I drove my antagonist the Thunder. This'he'had: procured by his three paces bckwa;rd into the main hatch.]nterest at the navy-office;as'also a;nothe'r Way, down whiih he fell, and pitching upon for'himself, by virtue of which'he was'remov- his head and rightshoulder, remained withoui ed into a second rate. I acknowledged' his siense arid mtion. Morga looking down, kindness'in the strongest terms my gratitude and seeing him lie in that condition, cried,could suggest, and professed my sorrow at "Upon my' conscience, as I am a Christian the prospect of losing so valuable a; friend, sinner, look you; I believe his pattles are all to whom I hoped to have recommended my- ofer; but.I take you all to witness that'there self still farther by my respectful and diligent was no treachery inthe case, and that he has behaViour. BUt his generosity reste.dt not suffered'by the'chance of war." So saying, here; for, before he left.the shp, he made'me he desc nlend to the. deck below, to exa;ine a present of a chest and some cothes, that into the situation of my adversary; and left enabled me to support the rank to which he me very little pleased with my victory, as I had raised me. I found my spirits revive found myself not only terribly bruised, but with my good fortune.; and, now I was an likewise in. danger of being calledto account officer, resolved to maintain the dignity of for the death of Crampley. But this fear my station, against all opposition or affronts. vanished, when my fellow mate, having, by Nor was it long before I had occasion'toex- bleeding him in the jugular, brought him.to ert my reslution. my old enemy, the mid- himself, and inquired into the state of his shipman (whose name was Crampley), en- bod'v, called up to me to be under no concern, tertaining an' implacable animosity. against for the midshipman had received no other me for the disgrace he had'sufreied on my damage than as pretty a'luxation of the os account, had since" thati akenal oppor- hueri as' one:would desire to see on a sumU ~ ~ ~. por- kime a o e dw tunities of reviling and ridiculing me, when mer's day. Upon this information Icerawled I was ndt efititled to retort this id usage. down to the cockpit, and acquainted Thomson And even after I had been rated onthe books, with the affair, who,; providing himself with aind' niiustere'd as'sur'geo'oi mrate,'did' not b'andages, &c. necessa for the occasion, think ft to restrain his''Iefolene. In parti- went up to assist MrWNorgan in the reduction elar, being one day present'While I dressed of the dislocation. When this was successv wound in a sailor's leg, he began to sing a fully performed, they wished me joy on the ADVENTURES OF RODERICK RANDOM. 85 event of the combat; and the Welshman, to play, for the captain, by his sole word and after observing, that, in all like!ihood, tle power and command, had driven sickness a ancient Scots and Britons Were the'saie pegging'tb the' tevil, and there was'no more people, bade me-" praise Got'for putting inalddy. on board. So saying, he drank off a mettle in mvy pe'ly, and strength iIn my lim'b s giof brandy, sighed grievously three times, q e such repwal ion, p hpr an ~eiaculatioh f- o ls to support it." I acquir'd epuin by' pured forth an ejaculation of- Got bless this renco-ntre (whicQ, la's'ted tpity nihutes ht, liver, and lung!" and then began that every body became more cahtious in b.'' to,sing. a Welsh spng with great earnestness baviour towards me: though Cramp ley, with of`visage, voice, and' gesture. I could not n d'onceiv - h r oain'Qf tlhis aihzular pheno-~ his arm in a sling, talked vyhigh and cb eiv the meaning of is Singular pheothreatened to seize the first opportu'nity of: menon; and saw by the looks of Thomson, retrieving on shore the honour he had' lostby; wh at the same time shook his head, that an accident, from which:i:culd justy claim' he suspected poor Cadwallader's s brains were no merit. Atthis time, Captain Oakum hik uisettled. He, perceiving our amazement, ing received sailing orders, came on board,a toldus he would explain' the mystery; but, at and brought With' hiom a surgeshi;f his wn the sae tlime, bade us take notice, that he country, who soon made us sehnsible of fthe loss''hajd lived poy,'pachelor, married man, and we suffered in the:departure o:f ir.Atkin~s;' w'i dower, almost' fo'rty' years,. and in all' for hewas grossly ignorant, andintolbeirablytht thmat tmIere was no man nor mother's assuming, false, vindictive, and unforging; n':inthe' whole wordl who durst iusti a merciless tyrant to his infe'iors, ain abJ~ct; him,so ill: as Captain Oagum had' done. sycophant to those'above him.i~:n Ith mrpn!: Then he acquainted us with hie'dialogue ing after the captaiii ame on board,, our tht'passed'between them, as I have alfirst mate, according to custom, went to wait reay related it; and had no sooner finished on him' with a sick list, which, xhen nthis this narraio, iothan he received a message gr'im commander had perused,;hecried With,frorn th e surgeon, to bring the sick list to the a'stern countenance,-"Blood and- oons i. quarter-deck, for the captain had ordered all sixty-one sick people on board of miy ship!,.te patients thither to be reviewed Ths flark'ee, you sir, I'll have no sick in ny sip, human order shocked us extremely, as we by G-d." The Welshman,eplied,' he ew itwould be impossible to carry some should be very glad to find no sick pieople on of them: on the deck, without imminent danboard: but while it was otherwise, he did no' ger of their lives; but as we likewise knew more than his duty in presenting him with. a: it would be to no purpose forus to remonlist. "You and-yourlistmay be d-d," (said strate against it,'we repaired to the quarterthe captain, throwing it at him) "I say there: deck, in a body, to see this extraordinary shall be no sick in this ship while I have the muster; Morgan observing by the way, that command of her." Mr Morgan being n ettled the captain was going to send to the b'other at this treatment, told him'his:indignation world a great. many evidences: to testify ought to be directed to Got Almighty, who aga inst himself. When we appearedupon visited his people with distempers, and not to the'deck, the captain bade the doctor, who him, who contributed allin his power towards stood bowing at his right hand; look at these their cure. The bashaw not being used to' lazy iubberly sons of b-s, who were good such behaviour in any of his oilcers, was en- for nothing on board but to eat the king's raged to fury at this satirical in'sinuation, and, provisions, and encourage idleness in the stamping with his foot, Called him insolent' slulkers. The surgeon grinnedapprobation, scoundrel, threatening to have' hig pinioned ad, taking the list, began to examine the to the deck, if he should presunle to utter complaints of each, as they could crawl to another syllable. But the blood of Caracta-:the place appointed. The first who came cus being thoroughly heated, disdained to be under his cognizance was a poor fellow just restricted by such a corftirand, and began to freed of a fever, which had weakened him so manifestitself in,-" Captain Oagum, I ama iuch, that he could hardly stand. Mr Mackshentleman of birth and parentage, look yOu, shane (for that was the doctor's name) havand peradventure' I am moreover'-Here`'his ing felt his pulse, protested he. was as well as harangue was. broken off by t'he.'captaii's;any man in the world andsthe captain desteward, who, being Morgan's'count'ryrnan, liveried him over to the boatswain's mate, hurried- him out of the cadbin beforef hehad'with orders that he should receive a round time to exasperate his master to a greater do'zen at the gang-way immediately, for degree: and this would certainly'hae'been 6o6iintrfeiting himself sick;.but before the the case; for the indig{]ant Welshrmain cotild dijcipline could be executed, the man dropt hardly be.hindered, by hisfriend's"argument s sdown 0on the'deck, and hadwell nigh perishand entreaties,'from re-enfiteringthe presence e, nderthe hands of the executioner The za-ner, a~nd defiI d~c~s~ e. rssc:~'t- er: 1 oured undercuion " n~ber, anddefying Captai n Oakuim'. to his next patient to be considered laboured under teeth'. He was, howe ver, appeased atienghth, a quartan ague, and being then in his intervaIl andacame down to' thebehwer Wfindng of' halth, discovered no other sympt ms of Tfhimson and me at' work preparingrn mdi- distempe. than a pale meagre'countenanc,, cines, he bade us leave off ouir lab'our'- and go and emaciated body; upon' which' he'way 53 86 SMOLLETT'S SELECT WORKS. declared fit for duty, and turned over to the chief. This request the commander granted boatswain': but, being resolved to disgrace for his own sake, and the patient. was prothe doctor, died upori the foreastle next day, duced, who insisted-upon his being in his during his cold fit. Tlhe third complainied of right wits with such calmness and strength a pleuritic stitch, andl spitting of blood; for of'argument, that every body present was inwhich Doctor Mackslhane prescribed exercise dlined to believe him, except Morgan, who at the pump, to promote expectoration: but, affirmed there was no trusting to appearances; whether this was improper for one in his sit- for he himself had been so much imposed utiaon, or that it was used. to excess, I1 know upon by his behaviour two days before, that not; for in less than half an hour he was he had actually unbound him with his own suffocated with a'deluge of blood that issued hands and had well nigh been murdered for from his lungs. A fourth, with much diffi- his pains: this was confirmed by the evidence culty, climbed to the quarter-deck, being load- of one of the waiters, who declared he had ed'with a monstrous, asbites or dr6psy, that pulled this patient' from the doctor's mate, invaded his chest so much, he could scarce whom he had gotten down-and almost strangfetch his' breath; but his disease being inter- led. To this the man answered, that the witpreted into fat, occasioned by idleness and ness was a creature of Morgan's, and was excess of eating, he was ordered, with a view suborned to give his testimony against him by to promote perspiration, and enlarge his chest, the malice of the mate, whom the defendant to go aloft immediately; it was in vain for had affronted, by'discovering to the people on this unwieldy wretch to allege his utter inca- board that Mr Morgan's wife kept a gin shop pacity, the boatswain's driver was command- in Rag-fair. This anecdote produced a laugh ed to whip him up with the cat-o'nine-tails: at the expense of the Welshman, who, shakthe smart of this application made him exert ing his head with some emotion, said,-" Ay, himself so much, that he actually arrived at ay,'tis nio matter.'Got knows'it an arrant the puttoc shrouds; but when the enormous falsehood." Captain Oakum, without any weight of his body had nothing else to sup- further hesitation, ordered the fellow to be dort it than his weakened arms, either out of unfettered, at the same time.threatening to spite or necessity, he quitted his'hold,'and make: Morgan exchange situations with him plumped into the sea, where he must have for his spite. But the Briton no sooner been drowned, had not a sailor, who was in heard the decision in favour of the madman, boat al(.ngside, saved his life, by keeping than he got up the mizen shrouds, crying to him afloat till he was hoisted.on board by a Thomson and me to get out of his reach, for tackle. It would be tedious and disagreeable we would see him play the devil with a vento describe the fate of every miserable object geance. We did not think fit to disregard that suffered by the inhumanity and ignorance. his caution, andlaccordingly got up on the of the captain and surgeon, who so wantonly poop, whence we beheld the maniac, as soon sacrificed the lives of their fellow-creatures. as he was released, fly at the captain like a Many were brought up in. the height of fevers, fury, crying,-" I'll let you know, you scounand rendered delirious by the injuries they drel, that I am commander of this vessel," received in the way. Some gave up the and pummelled him without mercy. The ghost in the presence of their inspectors; surgeon, who went to the assistance of his and others, who were ordered to their duty, patron, shared the same fate; and it was with languished a few days at work among their the utmost difficulty that he was mastered at fellows, and then departed without any cere- last, after having done great execution among Inony. On the whole, the number of the' those who opposed him. sick was reduced to less than a dozen; and the authors of this reduction were applaud-. ing themselves for the services they had done CHAPTER XXVIII. to their king and country, when the boatswain's mate informed his honour, that'there The captain enraged, threatens to put the'was a man below lashed to his hammock by madman to death with his own hand-is the direction of the doctor's niate,- and that diverted from that''resoltion by the arhe begged hard to be released, affirming he guments and persuasions of the first lieuhad been so maltreated only for a grudge Mr tenant and surgeon —we set" sail for St Morgan bore him, and that he was as Pnuch Helen's, join the fleet: under the command in his senses as any man aboard. The cap- f o Sir C-n-r O-le andproceed for the tain hearing this, darted a severe look at the - West Indies-are oovertaken by a terrible W7elshman, and ordered the man to be brought tempest-my friend Jack Rattlin has his up immediately; upon- which Morgan pro- leg broken by aa fall.from the main-yard-'. tested with great fervency, that the person in the behaviour off. Doctor Mackshane — question was as mad as a'March hare; and.Jack opposes the amputation of his limb, begged, for the love of Got,'they would at in which he is seconded by Morgan and least-keep his arms pinioned during his ex- me, who undertake the cure,' and performr amlnation, to prevent him from doing mis- it successfully. ADVENTURES OF RODERICK RANDOM. 87 nHE captain was carried into his cabin, so the wind through the shrouds, the confused enraged with the treatment he had received, noise of the ship's crew, the pipes of the that he ordered the fellow to be brought be- boatswain and his mates, the trumpets of the fore him, that he might have the pleasure of lieutenants, and the clanking of the chain pistolling him with his own'hand; and would pumps. Morgan, who had never been at sea certainly have satisfied his revenge in this before, turned out in a great hurry, crying,manner, had not the first lieutenant remon-, "Got have mercy and compassion upon us! strated against it, by pbserving, that in all I believe we have got upon the confines of appearance the fellow was not mad'but des- Lucifer and the d-d!" while poor Thomson perate; that he had been hired by some en-e- lay quaking in his hammock, putting up pemy of the captain to assassinate him, and' titions to Heaven for our safety. I rose and therefore ought to be kept in irons till he joined-the Welshnian, with whom (after havycould be brought to a court martial, which,' ingk fortified ourselves with brandy) I went no doubt, would sift the affair to the bottom above; but, if my sense of hearing: was star(by which means important discoveries might;tled before, how- must my. sight have been be made), and then sentence the criminal' to;appalled in beholding the effects of the storm! a death adequate to his demerits. This sug- The sea was swelled into billows mountain gestion, improbable as it was, had the desired high, on the top of which our ship someeffect upon the captain, being exactly calcu- times hung as if it was about to be precipitalated for the meridian of his intellects.; more ted to the abyss below! Sometimes we sunk especially as Doctor Mackshane espoused between two waves.that rose on each side this opinion, in consequence of his previous higher'than our topmast head, and threatendeclaration that the man was not mad. Mor- ed, by dashing together, to overwhelm us in gan, finding there was no more damage done, a moment! Of all our fleet, consisting of a could not help discovering, by his counte- hundred and fifty sail, scarce twelve appearnance, the pleasure he enjoyed on this oc- ed, and these driving under their bare poles, casion: and while he bathed the doctor's at the mercy of the tempest. At length the face with.an embrocation, ventured to ask niast of one of them gave way, and tumbled him, whether he thought there were more overboard with a hideous, crash! Nor was fools'or madmen on board3? But he would the prospect in our own ship much more have been wiser in containing this'sally, agreeable; a number.of officers and sailors whichlhis patient carefully laid up inhis me- ran backward and forward with distraction mory, to be taken notice of at a more fit in theirlooks, hallooing to one another, and season. Meanwhile, we weighed anchor, undetermined what they -should attend to and on our way to the Downs, the madman, first. Some clung to the yards, endeavourwho was treated as prisoner, took, an oppor- ing to unbend the sails, that were split into a tunity, while the sentinel attended him at the thousand pieces, flapping in the wind.; others head, to leap overboard, and frustrate there- tried to furl those which were yet whole, venge of the captain. We staid not long at while the masts, at every pitch, bent and quivthe Downs, but took the benefit of the first ered like twigs, as if they would have easterly wind to go round to Spithead; where, shivered into innumerable splinters! WThile having received on board provisions for six I considered this scene with equal terror and months, we sailed from St Helen's in the astonishment, one of the main braces broke, grand fleet bound for the West Indies, on the by the shock whereof two sailors were flung ever memorable expedition of Carthagena. from the yard's arm into the sea, where: they It was not without great mortification I perished, and poor Jack Rattlin was thrown saw myself on the point of being transported down upon the deck, at the expense of a to such a distant and unhealthy climate, des- broken leg. Morgan and I ran immediately titute of every convenience that could render to.his assistance, and found a splinter of the such a voyage supportable, and under the shin-bone thrust by the violence ofthe fall dominion of an arbitrary tyrant, whose com- through the skin. As this was a case.ftoo mand was almost intolerable: however, as great consequence to be treated without the these complaints were common to a great authority of the doctor? T went down to the many on board, I resolved to submit patiently cabin, to inform him of the accident, as well to my fate, and contrive to make myself as as to bring; up dressings, which we, always easy as the nature of the case'would' allow. kept ready prepared. I entered his papartWe got out of the channel with a prosperoufs ment without any ceremony, and, by the breeze, which died away, leaving us becalm- glimmering of a lamp, perceived him on his ed about fifty leagues to the westward of tie knees, before something that very mucl Lizard; but this state of inaction did not resembled a crucifix; but this I will not insist last long; for next night our main-top sail -upon, that I may not seem too much a slave was split by the wind, which in the riorning to common report, which,' indeed, assisted increased to a hurricane. I was wakened by my conjecture on this occasion, by representa most horrible din, occasioned by the play ing Doctor. Mackshane as a member. of the. of the gun-carriages upon the deck above, church of Rome. Be this as it will, he got. the crack.ing of the cabins, the howling of up in a sort-of confusion, occasioned (I sup 88 SMOLLETT'S SELECT WORKS.. pose) by his being disturbed in his devotion, gangrene. Morgan, who had a great opinion and, in a trice, snatched the subject of my of my skill, manifestly exulted in my fellowsuspicion from my sight. After making an ship, and asked Thomson's sentiments of apology for my intrusion, I acquainted him the matter, in hopes of strengthening our with the situation of Rattlin, but could by no association with him too, but he, being of a means prevail uponhim tovisit him on deck, meek'disposition, and either dreading the where he lay; he bade me desire the boat- enmity'of the surgeon, or speaking the swain to order some -of the men to carry.-him dictates of his own judgment, in a modest down to the cockpit, and in the mean time manner, espoused the opinion of Mackshane, (said he) I will direct Thomson to get ready who, by this time., having consulted with' the dressings. When I signified to' the himself, determined to act in such a manner boatswain the doctor's desire, he swore a, as to screen himself from censure, and at terrible oath, that he could not spare one. the same time revenge himself on us. for our man from the deck, because he expected the arrogance in contradicting him. With this mast would go by the board every minute. view, he asked if we would undertake to This piece of information did not at all con- cure the leg at. our peril? that is, be answertribute to my peace of mind; however, as able for.the consequence. To this question my friend Rattlin complained very much, Morgan replied, thatthe lives of his creawith the assistance of Morgan, I supported titres are in the hands of Got alone; and it him to the lower deck, whither Mr Mack-' would be great presumption inhim to undershane, after much'entreaty, ventured to come, take for an event that was in the power of attended by Thomson with a box full of dress-' his Maker, no'more than the doctor could ings, and his own servant, who' carried a promise to cure all the sick to whom he adwhole set of capital instruments. He ex- ministered' his assistance; but if the' patient amined the fracture and the wound; and would put himself under our direction, we concluding, from a livid colour extending would do our. endeavour to bring his distemitself upon the limb, that a mortification per to a favourable issue, to which, at present, would ensue, resolved to amputate the leg we saw no obstruction. I signified my immediately. This was a dreadful sentence concurrence; and Rattlin was so overjoyed, to the patient, who recruiting himself with that, shaking us both by the hands, he swore a quid of tobacco, pronounced, with a wofuil no body else should touch him, and, if he countenance,-" What! is there no remedy, died,'his blood should be upon his own head. doctor 3 must I be docked?, can't you splice Mr Mackshane, flattering himself with the it 3." "Assuredly, Doctor Mackshane," said prospect of ourmiscarriage, went away, and the first mate, "with submission, and defer- left us to manage it as we should think proence, and veneration to your.superior abili- per; accordingly, having sawed off part of ties, andi opportunities, and stations, look ye, the splinter. that' stuck through the skin, we. I do apprehend and conjecture, and aver, that reduced the fracture, dressed the wound, ther'e is no occasion nor necessity to, srhite applied the eighteen-tailed bandage, and put off this poor man's leg." "God Almight the leg. in a: box, secundum artem. Every bless you, dear Welshman!" cried Rattlin, thing succeeded according to our wish, and " may you have fair wind and weather where- we had the satisfaction of not only preserving soever you're bound, and come to an; anchor the poor fellow's leg, but likewise of renderin the road of heaven at last." Mackshane, ing the doctor contemptible among the ship's very much incensed at his' mate's differing company, who had all their eyes on us during in opinion from him so openly? answered, the course of-his cure, which was completed that he was not bound to give' an account of in six weeks.' his practice to him; and, in a peremptory tone, ordered him toapply the tourniquet; at the sight of which Jack, starting up, cried, CHAPTER XXIX. -":Avast, avast! d-n my heart, if.you clap. your nippers on me, till I know wherefore'! Mackshane-'s mplice —I am taken up and Mr Random, wont you lend a hand towards imprisonedfor a spy-Morgan meets with saving my precious limb? Odds' heart, if the same fate-Thomson is tampeered Lieutenant Bowling was here, he would not with to turn evidence against us —dissuffer Jack Rattlin's. leg to: be chopped off dans the prhoposal, and is maltreated for like a piece opathetic ad-.'his integrity-9-Morgan is released to asdress to me, joinedto my inclination to serve sist the: surgeon during an engagement my' honest friend, and'the'reasons I had to with some:French. shipscof war —I remain, believe there was no danger in delaying the.' fettered on the poop, exposed to the ene. amputation, induced me- to ideclare myself': y's hot,'and grow delirious withfearof the first mate:'s' opinion. and affirm, that am comforted after the battle by Morgan, the preternatural.-colour.of the skin! was who speaks freely of the captain-'isoverowing to'an inflammation, occasione.d by _eard by the sentinel, who informs against a contusion, common:in:all sh cases, him, an4d agtin impriso$ned-'Thomson/ without any indication. of anii approaching groWs desperate. and, notwithstanding ADVENTURES:OF: RODERICK RANDOM. 89 ihe'. remonstrances of:Morgan and Me,; countenance of my fellow-prisoner,: who, gQess.overb.oard in, the night.: without speaking one vord, allowed his-feet.to;be inclosed inthe rings provided for, that IN'~w the mean time, the stqrm suibsijded intoi a purpose.but when they pretended,to fasten brisk: gale,,.that carried. us,- into t4he rm him: on his back, *he grew outrageous, and latitudes, where the weather'r became intoler- drawinga large couteau from his side-pocket, able,.andJthe crew.very sickly. The dq~t{r [ threatened to rip up the belly of the first' man left nothing. unattempted towards.the oin-4 tfhatshould approach him.in order to treat him pletion of his vengeance against the Welsh' in such an unworthy manner.: They were man,and me.''He went among the sick, preparing to use him very roughly, when the tnder.pretence of inquiring into their griev- lieutenant on the. quarter'deck called up to ances, with a view of picking:up complaints. them:to let him remain'as.,hee"was. He then to our prejudice; but finding: himseif frus-.crept towards me,'and' taking me by the trated in that expectation, by -thegood will hand, bade me,-" put MY trust in Got." we had procured from. the patients, bybur [And.looking at Thomson, who sat by us diligence and humanity, he to.ok tohe resolu- trembling, with a pale visage, told:him, there tion of listening to our opversation,. by were two more rings' for his. feet, and: he hiding himself behind the:hcanvass that sur-' should be glad to find him in such good.rounded. our berth.; here too he.was detected icompany. But it was not the intention of by the.boy' of'our mess, who acgiuainted us our adversary to include the second mate in.with t~is piece of behaviour;- and'one night our fate; him -he expected to be his drudge.wxhile we were pickinga -large bone of salt in attending the sick, and, if possible, his beef, Morgatn discernedsomething stir on the evidence against us; with this view, he outside.of our:hangings, which immediately' sounded him afar off; but finding his integrity i.nt.erbreting toib the,:doctor, he tipt me the[ incorruptible, harassed. him so much out of wiink, and pointed to theae,place, where I could spite, that,in a short time, this mild creature perceive somebody:standing; upon which ii grew weary of his life..snatched up the bone, and levelled it with all While I and my fellow-prisoner comforted my. force' at- him, sayinfg,-".Whoever you each other in our tribulation, theadmiral disare) take,tbqt for your.. curiosity;" It had covered four sail to leeward, and made sigthe desired. effect, for we heard:the listener -nal. for our ship and four more to'chase; heretumble dowp,. indana afterw ards crawl to his upon every, thing was cleared for-an engageown cabin.. I; applauded myself much for: ment;' - and Mackshane, foreseeing he should:this feat,: which turned' out ne of the most [have occasion for more assistants than one,.unlucky exploits of'my life, Mackshane'from obtained:Morgan's liberty, while I was left that time marking me out for destruction. in this -deplorable posture to the chance of About a week: after this exploit, as ITwas battle. It wal almost darke when we. came going m rounds' ame.ong {the sick, I was:up withthe sternmost chase,whic h we hailed, ~taken prisoner, and carried:to-the poop a by and inquired who they were,:.: they gave us to the master at arms, where I was loaIded, with understand they were French men of war: irons and stapled:to the deck, onpretence upon which Captain Oakum commanded that I- was: a- spy on board,!and had con- them to send their boat on board of him;.spired against.the..captain!s life:How.hut they refused, telling him, if he had' any ridiculous soevere this imputation was, Idid: business with them, to come on board of,nt. fail to suffer by it all thearigour,that could their ship: he then threatened to pour in a b& sown to:the worst. of. cri mi nal, -beg: broadside upon.them, which they promised exposed in this miserable conditio to -thel to return.': Both sides were.as good as their scorehing. heat: of the.sun by day, and the word, band th engagem entgan with.great unwholesome. damps sby. night,.during. the fury. The reader may guess howI passed spaee, f twelve days, in-which:I was neithr Imy.time,. lying in this helpless, situation, brought to trial, nor examined touching'tihe'amidst the. terrors of a s.ea:fight;. expecting probability of the charge. I had no sooner. every mnoment,to be cut.asunder, or dashed recovered the use of my reflection, which.inpieqes'bythe enemy's shot! Iendeavourhad been quoite overthrown by this accident,: ed to compose myself as- much as possible, than I sent for Thomson, who, after condoling:Y reflecting that I was not a w;hit;more exme.. on.the. ccasion, hinted, that: I owed this p:osed than those who were stationed about misfortune. tthe.hatred of.the doctor, who me bu twhe Itbeheld them employed withhad.. g'ivenh an information. against.met'to~ the [out' intermission. in annoying.thfoe,: and en- captain.,.,in,.'consequence 0f. whic.h I: was ouraged by the societyrand:behaviour of one arreSted, and all my, papers seized. While Iano ther,:I could easily perceive a.wide dir: I was cursing. my;.capricious, fate,. I.: saw ference between their copdition and mine: MNorgan ascend the poop, guarded by two however,.I concealedmy agit.ation'as well as corporals, who' made him' sit down.by me, I. could, till thehead of theofiicer ofmarines, that he might -be-.inione in the. same who stood near -me, being shot off, bounced.miachine. Notwithstanding my situation, ifrom the.deck athwartn my face, lieavinrg me:I:could scarce refrain from laughing at the,well nigh blinded with brains. I could con4E* 53* 90 SMOLLETT'S SELECT NWORKS. tain myself no longer, but began to bellow he did not choose to accompany us in our with all the strength of my lungs; when a confinement. Thomson, foreseeing'that the drummrer coming towards me, asked if I Was whole slavery of attending the sick and wounwounded? and-before I could answer, receiv- ded, as well as the.cruelty of M'ackshane, ed a great shot in his belly, which tore out his must now' fall upon his shoulders, grew desentrails, and he fell fiat on my breast. This perate at' the prospect, and, though I never accident entirely bereft me of all discretion:: heard him swear befoie, imprecated dreadful I redouibled my cries, which were drowned cu'rses onthe heads of his oppressors, declarin the noise of the battle; and finding myself ing that he'would rather quit life altogether, disregarded, lost all patience, and became than' be much longer'under the power of such frantic: I vented my rage in oaths and exe- barbarians. I'was not a little's'tartled at his crations, tillmy spirits being quite exhausted, vivacity, and endeavoured to alleviate his I remained quiet, and insensible of the load'complaints, by representing the subject of that oppressed me. The engagement lasted my;own; with as much aggravation as it till broad day, when Captain Oakum, finding would bear, by which comparison he might that he was like to gain neither honour nor -see the balance of misfortune lay on my side, advantage by the affair, pretended to be un- a'nd take an'example'from' me of fortitude deceived by seeing their colours; and, hail-i and submission, till such time as we could ing the ship with whom he had fought all' procure redress, which, I hoped, was not far night, protested he believed them Spaniaids;, off, considering that we should probably be and the guns being silehced on each side,' in'a harbour in less than three'daysi where ordered the barge to be hoisted out, and went' we should have an opportunity of preferring on board of a French commodore. Our loss our complaints to'-the admiral. The' Welshamounted to ten killed, and eighteen wound-: man joined in my' remonstrance, and was at' ed, most part of whom afterwards died. great pains to demonstrate, that' it was every:My fellow mates had no sooner dispatched man's duty, as well as ihterest, to resign their business in the'cockpit, than, full of himself to the divine will, an'dlook upon himfriendly concern,'they came to visit me. self as a sentinel upon duty, who is by no iMorgan ascended first, and, seeing my face means at liberty to:leave his post before he almost covered with brains and blood, con- is relieved. Thomnson listened attentively to eluded I was no longer a man for'this world; what we said, and- at last, shedding a flood of and calling, to Thomson with-great emotion,'tears, shook his head,'and left us without bade him come up and take his last farewell making any reply. About eleven at night he of his comrade and countryman, who was came to see us again, with a'settled gloom posting'to a-petter place, where there were on his countenance, and gave us to underno Mackshanes nor Oakums to asperse and stand, that he had undergone excessive toil'torment him. " No," said he, taking me by since he saw us, and in recompense had been the hand, " you are going to a country where grossly'abused by the doctor, who"taxed him there is more'respect shown'to unfortunate with being confederate with us in'a design of shentlemen, and where you'will, have the, taking away his life, and that of the' captain. satisfaction of peholding your adversaries After some time spent in mutual exhortation, tossin~g upon pillows of purning primstone." he got up, and squeezing me by the hand with Thomson, alarmed at this apostrophe, made an uncommon fervour, cried-" God bless haste to the place where I lay, and'sitting you both;" and left us to wonder at his sindown by me, with tears in his eyes, inquired gular manner of parting with us, which did into the nature of my calamity. By this not fail to make a deep impression on us. time I had recollected myself so far, as:to be'Next morning,'when the hour of visitation able to converse rationally with my friends, came round, this unhappy young man was whom, to their great satisfaction, I imme-r missing,':and, after strict search~ supposed to diately undeceived with regard to their ap-l'have gone overboard in the night; and this prehension of my being mortally wounded., was certainly the case. After I had got myself'disengaged from thet carnage in which I wallowed, and p'artaken of a refreshment which my friends brought CHAPTER XXX. along with them, we entered' into discourse' upon: the hardships we sustained, and spoke We lament the fate of our Companion -the very freely of the authors of our misery: but captain offers Morgan his'liberty, which our discourse being overiheard by the sentinel! he refuses to accept-we are brought bewho guarded me, he was no'sooner'relie'ved', fore him,' and; examined —Morgan is sent than he reported to the captain Aevery syllable'back into custody,: whither also I am re. of our conversation, according to the orders mantded, after a curious trial. he had received. The effect of this inform'ation soon appeared in the arrival of the mnas- THr news of this event affected -my fellow ter at arms, who replaced Mborgan in his for- prisoner and me extremely, as our unfortu mier station, and gave the second mate a cau- nhate companion had justly acquired, by h'is otionto' keep a strict guard over'his tongue; if amiable disposition, the love an'd'esteen, of us ADVENTURES OF RODERICK RANDOM. 91 both; and the more we regretted his untime- been informed you have spoken disrespectful ly fate, the greater horror we conceived for words against your captain, who, to be sure, the villain who was undoubtedly the occasion, istheimost:honourable and generous commanof it. This abandoned miscreant did not, der in the king's service, without asparagediscover the least symptom of concern for ment oracception of man, woman, or child." IThomson's death, although:he must:have been Having uttered this elegant harrangue, on conscious to himself of having driven him by which he seemed to plume himself, Morgan reill usage to thatfatal resolution; but desirked plied, —"I do partly guess, and conceive, and the captain-to set Morgan at liberty again, to understand your meaning, which I wish could look after the patients. Accordingly, one of be more explicit; but,- however, I do suppose the corporals was sent up to unfetter him; but.I am not. to be condemned upon bare hearsay; he protested he would not be released until or if.i am convicted of speaking disrespecthe should know for what-he was confined; fully of Captain Oakum, I.hope there is no nor would he be a tennis-ball, nor a; shuttle- treason in my words." "'But there's mutiny, cock, nor a trudge, nor a scullion, to any cap- by G-d,. and that's death by the articles of tain under the sun. Oakum finding him ob- war," cried Oakum;-" in the mean time, stinate, and fearing it would not be in his let the witnesses be called." Hereupon power to exercise his tyranny much longer Mackshane's servant appeared, and the boy with -impunity, was willing to show some. ap- of our mess, whom they had seduced and pearance of justice, and therefore ordered us tutored for the purpose. The first declared, both to be brought before him on the quarter- that Morgan, as he descended the cockpit deck, where he sat in state, with his clerk on ladder one day,;cursed the captain, and called one side, and his counsellor Mackshane on him a savage beast, saying, he ought to be the other. When we approached, he hon- hunted down as an enemy to mankind. oured us with this salutation: —"So, gentle- " This," said the clerk, " is.a strong premen, d-n my blood! many a captain -in the sumption of a design formed against the capnavy would have ordered you both to be tuck'd tain's life. For why?'It presupposes malup to the yard's arm, without either judge or ice aforethought, and a criminal intention a jury, for the crimes you have been guilty of; priori." " Right,?' said the captain, to this but, d-n my blood, I have too much good miserable grub, who had been an attorney's nature, in allowing such dogs as you to make boy;' you shall have law enough; here's your defence." "Captain Oakum," said my Cook and Littlejohn for it." This evidence fellow-sufferer, " certainly it is in your.power was confirmed by the boy, who affirmed he (Got help the while) to tuck us all up at heard.the first mate say, that the captain your will, and desire, and pleasures. And had no more bowels than.a bear, and the surperhaps it would be petter'for some of us to geon had no more brains than an ass. Then be tucked up, than undergo the miseries to the sentine] who heard our discourse on the which we have been exposed. So may the poo.p was examined, and informed the court farmer hang his kids for his- diversion, and that the Welshman assured: me, Captain amusement and mirth; but there is such a Oakum and Dr Mackshane would toss upon thing as justice, if not upon earth, surely in billows of burning brimstone in hell for their heaven, that will punish with fire and prim- barbarity. The clerk observed, that there stone all those who take away the lives of was an evident prejudication, which confirminnocent people out of wantonness and par- -edthe former suspicion:ofa conspiracy against parity (look you). In the mean time, I shall the life of captain. Oakum; for, because, how be glad to know the crimes laid to my charge, could Morgan. so positively pronounce that and see the person who accuses me." "That the captain and surgeon would be damned, you shall," said the captain; " here, doctor, unless he had al intention to make away with what have you to say?" Mackshane, step- them before they could have time to repent? ping forward, hemmed a good while, in order -This sage -explanation had great weight with to clear his throat; and before he began, our noble commander,.who exclaimed,Morgan accosted him thus:-.'. Doctor Mack- -" What have you to say to this, Taffy! you shane, look in my face —look in the face of seem to be taken all a-back, brother, ha!" an honest man, who abhors a false witness as. Morgan was too much of a gentleman to he abhors the tevil, and Got bejudge between disown the text, although he absolutelydeyou and me. " The doctor, not minding this nied the truth of the comment: upon which conjuration, made the following speech,'as the captain,. strutting up to him with a feronear as I can remember:-" I'll tell you what, cious countenance, said,-" So Mr son of a Mr Morgan, to be sure, what you say is just, b-, you. confess you honoured me with the in regard to an honest man; and if so be it names. of bear and beast, andpronounced my appears as how you are an honest man, then damnation? Damn my heart! I have a good it is my opinion that you deserve to be ac- mind to have you brought to a court-martial, quitted, in relation to that there affair; for I and hanged, you dog." Here Mackshane, tell you what, Captain Oakum is resolved having occasion for an assistant, interposed, for to do every body justice. As for my own and begged the captain to pardon: Mr Morgan, part, all that I have to allege is, that I have with his wonted goodness, upon condition, 1032 SMOLLETT'S SELECT WORKS. that he, the delinquent, should make such they pretended to support by the evidence ot submission as the nature of:his misdemeanour our boy, who declared he had often heard the demanded. Upon whichthe Cambro-Briton, deceased Thomson and me whispering towho on this occasion would have made no gether, and could distinguish the wordssubmission to the great Mogul, surrounded "Oakum, rascal, poison, pistol."-By which with his guards, thanked the doctor for his expressions it appeared, we did intend to use mediation, and acknowledged himself in the sinister means to accomplish his destruction. wrong for calling the image of Got a peast; That the death of Thomson seemed to con-" But," said he, "I spoke by metaphor, firm this conjecture; who, either feeling the and parable, and comparison, and types: as stings of remorse, for being engaged in such we signify meekness by a lamb, lechery by a a horrid confederacy, or fearing a discovery, goat, and craftiness by a fox; so we liken ig- by which he must have infallibly suffered an norance to an ass, and brutality to a~ bear, ignominious death, had put a fatal period to and fury to a tiger; therefore I made use of his own existence. But what established these similes to express my sentiments (look the truth of the whole, was a book in ciphers, you), and what I said before Got, I will not found among my papers, which exactly talunsay before man or peastneither."' Oakum lied with one found in his chest after his was so provoked atthis insolence (as lie term- disappearance. This, he observed, was a ed it), that he ordered him forthwith to be presumption very near proof positive, and carried to the place of his confinement, and would determine any jury in Christendom his clerk to proceed on the examination of to find me guilty. In my own defence, I al. me. The first question put to me,; was touchi- leged that I had been dragged on board first, ing the place of my nativity, which I declared very much against my inclination, as I could to be the north of Scotland. " The north prove by the evidence of some people now in of Ireland, more like," cried the captain; the ship; consequently could have no design "' but we shall bring you up presently." He of becoming a spy at that time; and ever then asked what religion I professed; and since had been entirely out of the reach of when I answered,-" the protestant," swore any correspondence that,.could justly entail I was as arrant a Roman as ever went to that suspicion upon me. As for conspiring mass. " Come, come, clerk," continued he, against my captain's life, it could not be sup"catechise him a little on this subject." But posed that any man in his right wits would before I relate the particulars of the clerk's harbour the least thought of such an underinquiries, it will not be amiss to inform the taking, which he: could not possibly perform reader, that our commander himself was an without certain infamy and ruin to himself, Hibernian, and, if not shrewdly belied, a even if he had all the inclination in the world. Roman catholic to boot. " You say you are That, allowing the boy's evidence to be true a protestant," said the clerk, " make the sign (which I affirmed was false and malicious), of the cross with your fingers, so, and swear nothing conclusive could be gathered from a upon it to that affirmation." When I was few incoherent words: neither was the fate about to perform this ceremony, the captain of Mr Thomson a circumstance more favourcried, with some emotion,-" No, no, damme! able for the charge; for I had in my pocket I'll have no profanation neither. But go on a letter which too well explained that myswith your interrogations." " Well, then," tery, in a very different manner from that proceeded my examiner, " how many sacra- which was supposed. With these words I meats are there?" To which I replied,- produced the following letter, which Jack "Two." "What are they " said he. I Rattlin brought to me the very day after answered,-" Baptism and the Lord's sup- Thomson disappeared; and told me it was per." "1 And so you would explode confirm- committed to his care by the deceased; who ation and marriage altogether l" said Oak- made him promise not to deliver it sooner. umrn "I thought this fellow was a rank Ro- The clerk, taking it out of my hand, read man." The clerk, though he was bred un- aloud the contents, which were these:der an attorney, could not refrain from blush- "DEAR FRIEND,-I am so much oppressed ing at this blunder, which he endeavoured to with the fatigue I daily and nightly undergo, conceal, by observing, that these decoys and the barbarous usage of Doctor Mackwould not do with me, who seemed to be shane, who is bent on your destruction, as an old offender. He went on with asking if well as mine, that I an) resolved to free myI believed in transubstantiation: but I treat- self from this miserable life, and, before you ed the notion of a real presence with such receive this, shall be: no more. I could have disrespect, that his patron was scandalizedat wished to die in your good opinion, which mny impiety; and commanded. him-to proceed I am afraid I shall forfeit by the last act of lo the plot. Whereupon this miserable pet- my life; but if you cannot acquit me, I know lifogger told me there was great reason to you will at least preserve some regard for suspect me of being a spy on board; and that the memory of an unfortunate young man I had entered into a conspiracy with -Thom- who loved you. I recommend it to you to son, and others not yet detected,,against the beware of Mackshane, whose revenge is life of Captain Oakum: which accusation implacable. I wish all prosperity to you an4 ADVENTURES OF RODERICK RANDOM. 93 Mr Morgan, to whom, pray, offer my last proclaimed, that if any of them could speak respects, and beg to be remembered as your Greek, he or they so qualified should ascend unhappy friend and countryman, the quarter deck immediately. After some "WILLIAM THOMSON." pause, two foremast men came up and proThis letter was no sooner read, than Mack- fessed their skill in that language, which, shane, in a transport of rage, snatched it out they said, they acquired during several voyaof the clerk's hands, and tore it into a thou- ges to the Levant, among the Greeks of the sand pieces, saying, it was a villainous Morea. The captain exulted much in this forgery, contrived and executed by myself. declaration, and put my journal-book into the The captain and clerk declared themselves hands of one of them, who candidly owned of the same opinion, although I insisted on he could neither read nor write: the other having the remains of it compared with other acknowledged the same degree of ignorance, writings of Thomson, which they had in but pretended to speak the Greek lingo with their possession; and I was ordered to answer any man on board: and, addressing himselt the last article of my accusation, namely, the to me, pronounced some sentences, of a bar book of ciphers found among my papers. barous corrupted language which I did not "That is easily done," said' I. " What you understand. I asserted, that the modern are pleased to call ciphers, are no other than Greek was as different from that spoken and the Greek characters, in which, for my amuse- written by the ancients, as the English used ment, I kept a diary of every thing remarka- now from the old -Saxon spoken in the time ble that has occurred to my observation, of Hengist.; and as I had only learned the since the beginning of the voyag3 till the day true original tongue, in which Homer, Pinon which I was put in irons; and the same dar, the evangelists, and other great men of method was practised by Mr Thomson, who antiquity wrote, it could not be supposed copied mine." " A very likely story!" cried that I should know any thing of an imperfect Mackshane. " What occasion was there for Gothic dialect that rose on the ruins of the using Greek characters, if you were not afraid former, and scarce retained any traces of the of discovering what you had wrote? But old expression. But if Doctor Mackshane, what d'ye talk of Greek characters? l D'ye who pretended to be master of the Greek think I am so ignorant of the Greek language, language, could maintain a conversation with as not to distinguish its letters from these, these seamen, I would retract what I had which are no more Greek than Chinese? No, said, and be content to suffer any punishment no, I will not give up my knowledge of the he should think proper to inflict. I had no Greek for you, nor none that ever came from sooner uttered these words, than the surgeon, your country." So saying, with an unpa- knowing one of these fellows to be his counralleled effrontery, he repeated some gibber- tryman, accosted him in Irish, and was anish, which, by the sound, seemed to be Irish, swered in the same brogue; when a dialogue and made it pass for Greek with the captain, ensued between them, which' they affirmed who, looking at me with a contemptuous to' be in Greek, after having secured the sneer, exclaimed —" Ah! ah! have you caught secrecy of the other tar, who had his cue in a Tartar?" I could not help smiling at the the language of the Morea from his compaconsummate assurance of this Hibernian, nion, before they could venture to assert and offered to refer the dispute to any body such an intrepid falsehood. "I thought," on board who understood the Greek:alphabet, said Oakum, "we should discoyer the imupon which Morgan was brought back, and posture at last. Let the rascal be carried being made acquainted with the affair, took back to his confinement. I find he must the book and read a whole page in English dangle." Having nothing further to urge without hesitation, deciding the controversy in my own behalf, before a court so prejuin my favour. The doctor was so far from diced with spite, and fortified with ignorance being out of countenance at this detection, against truth, I suffered myself to be rethat he affirmed Morgan was in the secret, conducted peaceably to my fellow-prisoner, and repeated from his own invention. Oak- who, hearing the particulars of my trial, um said,-" Ay, ay, I see they are both in a lifted up his hands and eyes to heaven, and story;" and dismissed my fellow mate to the uttered a dreadful groan; and not daring to cockloft, although I proposed that he and I disburthen his thoughts to me by speech, should read and translate, separately, any lest he might be overheard by the sentinel, chapter or verse in the Greek Testament in burst forth into'a Welsh song, i which he his possession, by which it would appear accompanied with a thousand contortions whether we or the surgeon spoke truth. Not of face, and violent gestures of body. being endued with eloquence enough to convince the captain that there could be no juggle nor confederacy in this expedient, I begged CHAPTER XXXI. to be examined by some unconcerned person on board, who understood Greek: according- I discover a subornation against me, by ly, the whole ship's company, officers and all, means of a quarrel between two of the eviwere called upon deck, among whom it was dences; in consequence of which lam set .94 SMOLLETT'S SELECT WORKS. at liberty, and prevail upon Morgan to rascally knave! and by the soul of my grandaccept of his freedom on the same terms- sire! I will impeach, and accuse, and indict Mackshane's malice-We arrive at Ja- him of a roppery, if I did but know who he maica, from whence in a short time we is." Had this misfortune happened at sea, beat up to Hispaniola, in conjunction with where we could not repair the loss, in all the West India squadron- re take in probability this descendant of Caractacus water, sail again, and arrive at Carthage- would have lost his wits entirely.; but, when na-Rejections on our conduct there. I. observed how easy it would be to remedy this paltry mischance, he became more calm, MEANWHILE, a quarrel happened between and reconciled himself to the occasion. A the two modern Greeks; the one, to be re- little while after this transport, the surgeon venged on the other, came and discovered came into the berth, under pretence of takino to us the mystery of Mackshane's dialogue, something out of the medicine chest, and, as I have explained it above. This detection with a smiling aspect, wished us joy of our coming to the ears of the doctor, who was deliverance, which he said he had been at sensible, that: (now we were in sight of Ja- great pains to obtain of:the captain, who maica) we' should have an opportunity of was very justly incensed at our behaviour; clearing ourselves before a court-martial, but he (the doctor) had passed his word for and, at the same time, of making his malice our future conduct, and he hoped we should and ignorance conspicuous, he interceded for give him no cause to repent of his kindness. us with the captain so effectually, that, in a He expected, no doubt, an acknowledgement few hours, we were set at liberty, and order- from us, for this pretended piece of service, ed to return to our duty. This was a happy as well as a general amnesty of what was event for me, my whole body being blistered past; but he had to do with people who were by the sun, and my limbs benumbed by want not quite so apt to forgive injuries as he of motion: but I could scarce persuade the imagined, or to forget, that, if our deliverWelshman to accept of this indulgence, he ance was owing to his mediation, our persisting in his obstinacy to remain in irons calamity was occasioned by his malice. I until he should be discharged by a court- therefore sat silent, while my companion martial, which he believed would also do answered, — Ay, ay,'tis no matter. Got him justice on his enemies: at length I re- knows the heart-there is a time for all presented to him the precarious issue of a things, as the wise man saith, there is a time trial, the power and interest of his adversa- for throwing away stones, and a time to ries, and flattered his revenge with the hope gather them up again.." He seemed to be of wreaking his resentment with his own disconcerted at this reply, and went away in hands upon Mackshane, after our return to a pet, muttering something about " ingratiEngland. This -last argument had more tude" and "fellows," of which we did not weight with him than all the rest, and pre- think fit to take any notice. vailed upon him to repair with me to the cock- Our fleet having joined another that waited pit, which I no sooner entered than the idea for us, lay at anchor about a month in the of my departed friend presented itself to my harbour of Port Royal in Jamaica, during remembrance, and filled my eyes with tears. which time something of consequence was We discharged from our mess the boy who certainly transacted, notwithstanding the inhad acted so perfidiously, nothwithstanding sinuations of some who affirmed we had no his tears, entreaties, and professions of peni- business at all in that place; that, in order to tence for what he had done; but not before take the advantage of the season proper for lie had confessed that the surgeon had bribed our enterprise, the West-India squadron, him to give evidence against us with a pair of which had previous'notice of our coming, stockings, and a couple of old check shirts, of ought to have joined us at the west end of which his servant had since plundered him. Hispaniola, with necessary stores and reThe keys of our chests and lockers being freshments, from whence we could have sent to us by the doctor, we detained the sailed directly for Carthagena, before the messenger until we had examined the con- enemy could put themselves in a good postents;' and my fellow-mate finding all his ture of defence, or indeed have an inkling of Cheshire cheese consumed to a crust, his our design. Be this as it will, we sailed brandy exhausted, and his onions gone, was from Jamaica, and in ten days or a fortnight, seized with a fit of choler, which Ie dis- beat up against the wind as far as the isle of charged on Mackshane's man in oaths and Vache, with an intention, as was' said, to execrations, threatening to prosecute him as attack the French fleet, then supposed to be a thief. The fellow swore, in his turn, that lying near that place: but before we arrived, he never had the keys in his possession till they had sailed for Europe, having first disthat time, when he received them from his patched an advice-boat to Carthagena with master, with orders to deliver them to us. an account of our being in those seas, as "As Got is my judge," cried Morgan, " and also of our strength and destination. We n.vsalfation, and my witness, whosoeverias loitered here' some days longer, tlaking in:ifered toy provisions is a lousy, peggarly, wood and brackish water, in the use whuerenf ADVENTURES OF RODERICK RANDOM. 95 however, our admiral seemed to consult the erecting a fascine battery to cannonade the health of the men, by restricting each to a principal fort of the enemy; and in something quart a-day. At length we set sail, and ar- more than three weeks it was ready to open. rived in a bay to the windward of Cartha- That we might do the Spaniards as much gena, where we came to an anchor, and lay honour as possible, it was determined, in a at our ease ten *days longer.. Here again council of war, that five of our largest ships certain malicious people took occasion to should attack the fort on one side, while the blame the conduct of their superiors, by battery, strengthened by two mortars and saying, that in so doing,, they not only un- twenty-four cohorns, should ply it on the profitably wasted time, which was very pre- other. cious, considering.the approach of the rainy Accordingly, the signal for our ship to enseason, but also allowed the Spaniards to gage, among others, was hoisted, we being recollect themselves from the terror occa- advertised. the night before to make every sioned by the approach of an. English fleet, thing clear for that purpose; and in so doing, at least three times as numerous as. ever a difference happened between Captain appeared in;that part of the world before. Oakum and his well-beloved cousin and But, if I might, be allowed to give my opiniqn counsellor Mackshane, which had well nigh of the matter, I:would ascribe this delay to terminated in open rupture. The doctor, the generosity of our chiefs, who scorned to. who had imagined there was no more danger take any advantage that fortune might give of being hurt by the enemy's shot in the them, even over an enemy. At last, how- cockpit than in the centre of' the earth, was ever, we weighed, and anchored again some- lately informed that a surgeon's mate had. what nearer the harbour's mouth, where: been killed in that part of the ship by a canwe made shift to land our marines, who non-ball from two small redoubts that were encamped on the beach in despite of the destroyed before the disembarkation of our enemy's shot, which knocked a good many soldiers, and therefore insisted upon having of them on? the head. This piece of con- a platform raised for the convenience of the duct, in choosing a camp under the walls of sick and wounded in the after-hold, where an enemy's fortification, which I believe he deemed himself more secure than on the never happened before, was practised, I pre- deck above. The captain, offended at this sume, with a view of accustoming the soldiers extraordinary proposal, accused him of pusilto stand fire, who were not as yet much used lanimity, and told him there was no room in to discipline, most of them having, been the hold for such an occasion; or if there taken from the plough-tail a few months be- was, lie could not expect to be indulged fore. This expedient, again, has furnished more than the rest of the surgeons of the matter for censure against the ministry, fori navy, who used the cockpit for that purpose. sending a few raw recruits on such an im- Fear rendering Mackshane obstinate, he portant enterprise, while so many veteran persisted in his demand. and showed his inregiments lay inactive at home: but surely structions, by which it wa-authorised. The our governors had their reasons. for so doing, captain swore these instructions were dicwhich possibly may be disclosed with other. tated by a parcel of lazy poltroons who were secrets of the deep. Perhaps they were loth never at sea; nevertheless, he was obliged to risk their best troops on such desperate ser- to comply, and sent for the carpenter to give vice; or the colonels and field officers of the him orders about it; but, before any such old corps, who, generally speaking, enjoyed measure could be taken, our signal was their commissions as sinecures or pensions thrown out, and the doctor compelled to for some domestic services tendered to the, trust his carcass in the cockpit,'where Morcourt, refused to embark in such a dangerous gan and I were busy in putting our instruand precarious undertaking: for which re- ments and dressings in order. fusal, no doubt, they are much to. be com- Our ship, with others destined for this mended. service, immediately weighed, and, in less than half an hour, came to an anchor before the castle of Boca Chica, with a, spring upon CHAPTER XXXII. our cable; and the cannonading (which indeed vwas terrible!) began. The surgeon, Our landforces being disembarked, erect a aftqr having crossed himself, fell flat on the fascine battery-Our ship is ordered, declr. and the chaplain and purser, who were with four more, to batter the fort of stationied with us in quality of assistants, Boca Chica-Mackshane's cowardice — followed. his example, while the Welshman the chaplain's frenzy-honest Rattlin and I sat upon a chest looking at one another loses one hand —his heroism, and reftec- with great discomposure, scarce able to retionson the battle —Crampley's behaviour frain from the like prostration. And that to me during the heat of the fight. the reader may know it was not a common occasion that alarmed us thus, 1 must Inform 0aR forces. being landed and stationed him of the particulars of this dreadful dinl as I have already mentioned, set about that astonished us. The fire of the Span 96 SMOLLETT'S SELECT WORKS iards proceeded from eighty-four great guns, had to deal with one corner of Boca Chica beside a mortar and small arms in Boca only, we had opened the harbour, and exChica, thirty-six in Fort St Joseph, twenty in posed ourselves to the whole fire of the two fascine batteries, and four men of war, enemy from their shipping and Fort St Jomounting sixty-four guns each. This was seph, as well as from the castle we intended answered by our land battery, mounted with to cannonade;' that, besides, wre lay at too 1twenty-one cannon, two mortars, and twenty- gireat a distance to damage'the walls, and four cohorns, and five great ships of eighty three parts in four of our shot did not take or seventy guns, that fired without intermiss- place; for there was scarce any body on ion. Wi~e had not been many minutes en- board who understood the pointing of a gun. gaged, when one of the sailors brought Ah! God help us!" continued he, "if your another on his back to the cockpit, where kinsman, Lieutenant Bowling, had been he tossed him downl like a bag of oats, and here, we should have had other guess-work." pulling out his pouch, put a large chew of By this time our patients had increased to tobacco in his mouth without speaking a such a:number, that we did not know which word. Morgan immediately examined the to begin with; and the first mate plainly condition of the wounded man, and cried told the surgeon, that if he did not get up out,-" As I shall answer now, the man is immediately, and perform his duty, he would as tead as my great grandfather." "Dead!" complain of his behaviour to the admiral, said his comrade, " he may be dead now, for and make application for: hiswarrant. This aught I know, but I'll be damn'd if he was remonstrance effectually roused Mackshane, not alive when I took him up.". So saying, who was never deaf to an argument in which he was about to return to his quarters, when he thought his interest was concerned; he I bade him carry the body along with him, therefore rose up, and, in order to strengthen and throw it overboard. "D —n the body!" his resolution, had recourse more than once said he, "I think'tis fair enough if I take to a case-bottle of rum, which he freely corncare of my own." My fellow-mate snatch- municated to the chaplain and purser, who ing up the amputation knife, pursued him had as much need of such extraordinary inhalf-way up the cockpit ladder, crying,- spiration as himself. Being thus supported, "You lousy rascal, is this the church-yard, he went to work, and arms and legs were or the charnel-house, or the sepulchre, or hewed down without mercy. The fumes of the Golgotha of the ship?" but was stopped the liquor mounting into the parson's brain, in his career by one calling,-" Yo ho, avast conspired, with his former agitation of spirits, there-scaldings." "Scaldings!"answered to make him quite delirious: he stripped Morgan, "Got knows,'tis hot enough in- himself to the skin', and, besmearing his deed; who are you?" Here's one," replied body with blood, could scarce be withheld the voice; and I immediately knew it to be from running upon deck in that condition. that of my honest friend Jack Rattlin, who, Jack Rattlin, scandalized at this deportment, coming towards me, told me, with great endeavoured to allay his transports with deliberation, he was come to be docked at reason; but finding all he said ineffectual, last, and discovered the remains of one and great confusion occasioned by his frolics, hand which had been shattered to pieces he knocked him down with his right hand, with a grape-shot. I lamented with un- and by threats kept him quiet in that state feigned sorrow his misfortune, which he of humiliation. But it was not in the power bore with heroic courage, observing, that of rum to elevate the purser, who sat on the every shot had its commission; it was well floor wringing his hands, and cursing the it did not take him in the head, or, if it had, hour in which he left his peaceable professwhat then? he should have died bravely, ion of a brewer in Rochester, to engage in fighting for his king and country. Death such a life of terror and disquiet. While wvas a debt which every man owed, and we diverted ourselves at the expense of this must pay; and that now was as well as poor devil, a shot happened to take us beanother time. I was much pleased and edi- tween wind and water, and (its course being fled with the maxims of this sea-philosopher, through the purser's store-room) made a who endured the amputation of his left hand terrible havock and noise among the jars without shrinking; the operation being per- and bottles in its way, and disconcerted fbrmed, at his request, by me, after Mack- Mackshane so much, that he'dropt his shane, who was with difficulty prevailed to scalpel, and, falling down on his knees, prolift his head from the deck, had declared nounced his paternoster aloud; the purser there was a necessity for his losing the fell backward, and lay without sense or molimb. While I was employed in dressing tion; and the chaplain grew so outrageous, the stump, I asked Jack's opinion of the that Rattlin with one hand could not keep battle, who, shaking his head, frankly told him under; so that we were obliged to conme, ne believed we should do. no good; "for fine him in the surgeon's cabin, where he why, because instead of dropping anchor was no doubt guilty of a thousand extravaC.ose under shore, where we should have gancies. Much about this time, my old ADVENTURES OF RODERICK RANDOM. 97 antagonist Crampley came:down, with ex- HAVING cannonaded tlefort duringthe space press orders, as he said, to bring me up to of four hours, we were all ordered to'slip our the quarter-deck, to dress a slight wound cables and sheer off; but next day the enthe captain had received by a splinter; his gagement was renewed, and continued from reason for honouring me in particular with the morningtill the afternoon, when the this piece of service being, that, in case I enemy's fire from- Boca Chica slackened, and should be killed or disabled by the way, my towards: evening was quite silenced. A death or mutilation would be of less conse- breach being made on the other side by our quence to the ship's company than that of land battery, large enough to admit a middlethe doctor or his first mate. At another sized baboon, provided he could find means to time,' perhaps, I might have disputed his climb up to it, our general proposed to give order, to which I was not bound to pay the the assault that very night, and actually orleast regard; but as I thoughtrmy reputation dered a detachment on that duty. Providence depended upon my compliance, I was re- stood our friend upon this occasion, and put solved to convince my rival that I was no it into the hearts of tle Spaniards to abandon more afraid than he of exposing. myself to the fort, which might have been maintained danger. With this view I provided myself by resolute nmen till the day of judgment, with dressings, and followed him immediately against all the force we could exert in the atto the quarter-deck, through a most infernal tack; and while our soldiers took possession scene of slaughter, fire, smoke, and uproar! of the enemy's ramparts without resistance, Captain Oakum, who'leaned against the the same good luck attended a body of sailors, mizen-mast, no sooner saw me approach in who made themselves masters of fort St my shirt, with the sleeves tucked up to my. Joseph, the fascine batteries, and. one Spanarm-pits, and my hands dyed with blood, ish man of war; the other three being burnt than he signified his displeasure by a frown, or sunk by the foe, that they might not fall and asked why the doctor himself did not into our hands. The taking of these forts, come? I told him Crampley had singled me in the strength of which the Spaniards chiefly out, as if by express command; at which confided, made us masters of the outward reply he seemed surprized, and threatened harbour, and occasioned great joy among us, to punish the midshipman for his presump- as we laid our accounts with finding little or tion after tile engagement: in the mean no opposition from the town; and indeed, it time I was sent back to my station, and a few great ships had sailed up immediately, ordered to tell Mackshane that the captain before they had recovered from the confusion expected him immediately. I got safe back, and despair that our unexpected success had and delivered my commission to to the doctor, produced among them, it is inot impossible who flatly refused to quit the post assigned that we n'ight have finished:the affair to our to him by his instructions; whereupon Mor- satisfaction without any more bloodshed; gan, who, I believe, was jealous of my repu- but this step our heroes disdained, as a bartation for courage, undertook the affair, and barous insult over the enemy's distress, and ascended with great intrepidity. The cap- gave them all the respite'they could desire, tain finding the surgeon obstinate, suffered in order to recollect themselves. In the himself to be dressed, and swore he would mean time Mackshane, taking the advantage confine Mackshane as soon as the service of this general exultation, waited on our capshould be over. tain, and pleaded his own cause so effectually, that he was re-established in his good graces; and as for Crampley, there was no more CHAPTER XXIII. notice taken of' his behaviour towards me during the action. But of all the conA breach being made in the walls, our sol- sequences -of the victory, none was more diers give the assault, and take the place grateful than plenty of fresh.water, after we without opposition-our sailors at the had languished five weeks'on the allowance same time become masters of all the other of a purser's quart per'diem for each man, strengths near Boca Chica, and take pos- in the torrid zone, where the sun was vertisession of the harbour-the good conse- cal, and the expense of bodily fluid so great, quence'of this success-we move nearer that a gallon of liquor could scarce supply the town-find two forts deserted, and the the waste of twenty-four hours; especially channel blocked up with'sunk vessels, as our provision consisted of putrid salt beef, which, however, we:find means to clear- to which -the sailors gave the name of Irish land our soldiers at La Quinta-repulse horse; salt pork of New'England, which, a body of militia-attack- the castle of St though neither fish nor flesh, savoured of Lazar, and are, forced to retreat with both;'bread from the same country, every great loss-the remains of our army are biscuit whereof, like a piece of clock-work, -e-embarked —an qffort of the admiral to moved by its own internal impulse, occatake the town —the economy of our expe- sioned by the myriads of insects that dwelt dition described. within it; and butter served out by the gill, 4 F* 54 98 SMOLLETT'S SELECT WORKS. that tasted like train-oil thickened with salt. complaisance in the Spaniards, -was wise Instead of small beer, each man was allowed enough to retreat on board with the remains three half quarterns of brandy or rum, which of his army, which, from eight thousand able were distributed every morning, diluted with men landed on the beach near Boca Chica, a certain quantity of the water, without was now reduced to fifteen hundred fit for either sugar or fruit to render it palatable; for service. The sick and wounded were which reason this composition was, by the squeezed into certain vessels, which thence sailors, not unaptly, styled necessity.. Nor obtained the name of hospital ships, though was this limitation of simple element owing methinks they scarce deserved such a creditto a scarcity of it on board, for there was at able title, seeing few of them could boast of this time water enough in the ship for a voy- their surgeon, nurse, or cook; and the space age of six months, at the rate of half a gal- between decks was so confined, that the mis]on per day to each man; but this fast must, erable patients had not room to sit upright in I suppose, have been enjoined by way of pen- their beds. Their wounds and stumps being ance on the ship's company for their sins; or neglected, contracted filth and putrefaction, rather with a view to mortify them into a and millions of maggots were hatched amidst contempt of life, that they might thereby the corruption of their sores. This inhuman become more resolute and regardless of dan- disregard was imputed to the scarcity of' surger. How simply, then, do those people geons, though it is well known that every argue, who ascribe the great mortality among great ship in the fleet could have spared one us to our bad provision and want of water; at least for this duty; an expedient which and affirm, that a great many valuable lives would have been more than sufficient to might have been saved, if the useless trans- remove this shocking inconvenience. But ports had been employed in fetching fresh perhaps the general was too much of a genstock, turtle, fruit, and other refreshments tleman to ask a favour-of this kind from his from Jamaica, and other adjacent islands, for fellow-chief, who, on the other hand, would the use of the army and fleet; seeing, it is to not derogate so much from his own dig'nity be hoped, that those who died went to a bet- as to offer such assistance unasked; for I ter place, and those who survived were the may venture to affirm, that by this time the more easily maintained. After all, a suffi- demon of discord, with her sooty wings, had cient number remained to fall before the walls breathed her influence upon our counsels; of St Lazar, where they behaved like their and it might be said of these great men (I own country mastiffs, which shut their eyes, hope they will pardon the comparison), as of run into the jaws of a bear, and have their Camsar and Pompey, the one could not brookheads crushed for their valour. a superior, and the other was impatient of But to return to my narration:-After an equal; so that, between the pride of one having put garrisons into the forts we had and insolence of another, the enterprise mistaken, and re-embar.ked our soldiers and ar- carried, according to the proverb,-" between tillery, a piece of service that detained us two stools the backside falls to the ground." more than a week, we ventured up to the Not that I would be thought to liken any mouth of the inner harbour, guarded by a public concern tothat opprobrious part of the large fortification on one side, and a small human body, though I might with truth asredoubt on the other, both of which were de- sert, if I durst use such a vulgar idiom, that serted before our approach, and the entrance the nation did hang an a-se at its disapof the harbour blocked up by several old gal- pointment on this occasion; -neither would leons, and two men of war that the enemy I presume to compare the capacity of our had sunk in the channel. We made shift, heroic leaders to any such wooden convehowever, to open a passage for some ships, nience as a joint-stool, or a close-stool; but that favoured a second landing of our troops, only to signify by this simile, the mistake the at a place called La Quinta, not far from the people committed in trusting to the union of town, where, after a faint resistance from a two instruments that were never joined. body of Spaniards, who opposed their disem- A day or two after the attempt on St LaDarkaltion, they encamped, with a design of zar, the admiral ordered one of the Spanish besieging the castle of St Lazar, which over- men of war we had taken to be mounted with looked and commanded the city. Whether sixteen guns, and manned with detachments our renowned general had nobody in his army from our great ships'in order to batter the who knew how to approach it in form, or that town. Accordingly she was towed into the he trusted entirely to the fame of his arms, I- inner harbour in the night, and moored withshall not determine, but certain it is, a reso- in half a mile ofthe walls, against which she lution was taken in a council of war to attack began to fire' at day-break. and continued the place with musketry only. This was put about six hours exposed to the opposition of in execution, and succeeded accordingly; at least thirty pieces of cannon, which at the enemy giving them such a hearty recep- length obliged our men to set her on fire, and tion, that the greatest part of the detachment get off' as well as they could in their boats. took up their everlasting residence on the This piece of conduct afforded matter of spespo.t. Our chief, not relishing this kind of culation to all the wits either in the army or ADVENTURES OF RODERICK RANDOM. 99 navy, who. were at last fain to acknowledge be at the trouble of interring the dead, the it was a stroke of policy above their compre- commanders ordered the men to throw their hension. Some entertained such an irrever- bodies overboard, many without either ballast ent opinion of the admiral's understanding, or winding-sheet; so that numbers of human as to think he expected the town would sur- carcases floated in the harbour, until they render to his:floating battery of sixteen guns. were devoured by sharks and carrion crows, Otchers imagined his sole -intention was to try which affordedsno agreeable spectacle to those the enemy's strength, by which he should be who survived'. At the same time the wet able to compute the number of great ships season began, during which a deluge of rain that woulde be necessary to force-the town to falls from the rising to the setting of the sun a capitulation: but this last conjecture soon'without intermission; and that no sooner appeared groundless, inasmuch as no ships ceases than it begins to thunder and lighten of any kind whatever were afterwards em-'with such continual flashing that one can see ployed on that service. A third sort swore, to read a very small print by the illumination. that no other cause could be assigned for this undertaking, than that which induced. Donl Quixote to: attack the windmill. A CHAPTER XXXIV. fourth class (and that the most numerous, though, without doubt, composed of the san-'An epidemic fever rages among us-we guine and malicious) plainly taxed.this com- abandon our conquests-I am seizedwith inander with want of honesty, as well as the distemper; write a petition to the sense; and alleged that he ought to have' captain, which is rejected-I am in dansacrificed private pique to the interest of his ger of suffocation through the malice country; that where the lives of so many of Crampley; and relieved bya serjeantbrave fellow-cititens were concerned, he myfever increases-the chaplain wants to ought to have con'curred with the general, confess me-I obtain a favourable crisis without being solicited, or even desired, to- -lliorgan's affection for me proved —the wards their preservation and advantage; behaviour of MlTckshane and Cranmpley that if his arguments could not dissuade him towards me-Captain Oakum is removed from a desperate enterprise, it was his duty into another ship, with his beloved doctor to have rendered it as practicable as possible, -our new captain described —an advenwithout running extreme hazard; that this ture of Morgan. could have been done, with a good prospect of success, by ordering five or six large ships THE change of the atmosphere, occasioned to batter the town, while the land forces by this phenomenon, conspired, with the stormed the castle; by these means a consid- stench that surrounded us, the heat of the erable diversion would have been made in climate, our own constitutions impoverfavour of those troops, who, in their march ished by bad tivisions, and our despair, to to the assault, and in the retreat, suffered introduce the -flious fever among us, which much more from the town than from the cas- raged with such violence,- that three-fourths tie; that the inhabitants, seeing themselves of those whom it invaded died in a deplorable vigorously attacked on all hands, would have manner, the colour of their skin being, by the been divided, distracted, and confused, and, extreme putrefaction of their juices, changed in all probability, unable to resist the assail- into that of soot. ants. But all these suggestions surely pro- Our conductors, finding things in this situceeded from ignorance and malevolence, or ation, perceived it was high time to relinquish else the admiral would not have found it such our conquests; and this we did, after having an easy matter, at his return to England, rendered their artillery useless, and blown up to justify his;conduct to a ministry at once their walls with gunpowder. Just as we so upright and discerning. True it is, that sailed from. Boca Chica on our return to Jathose who undertook to vindicate him on the maica, I found myself threatened with the spot, asserted that there was not water symptoms of this terrible distemper; and enough for our great ships near the town; knowing very well that I stood no chance for though this was a little unfortunately urged, my life, if I should be obliged to lie in the because there happened to be pilots in the cockpit, which by this time was grown intelfleet perfectly well acquainted with the sound. erable even to people in health, by reason of ings of the harbour, Who affirmed there was the heat and unwholesome smell of decayed water enough for five eighty-gun ships to lie provision, I wrote a petition to the captain, a-breast, almost up' at the very walls. The representing my case, and humbly imploring disappointments we suffered occasioned an his permission to lie among the soldiers in universal dejection; which was not at all the middle deck, for the benefit of the air: alleviated by the objects that daily and hourly but I might have spared myself the trouble; entertained our eyes, nor by the prospect of for this humane commander refused my rewhat must have inevitably happened, had we quest, and ordered me to continue in the remained much longer in this place. Such was place allotted for the surgeon's mates, or else thile economy in some ships, that, rather than to be contented to lie in the hospital, which, 100 SMOLLETT'S SELECT WORKS. by the by, was three degrees more offensive squeezed my hand, bidding me, with a woand more suffocating than our own berth be- ful countenance, recommend myself to Got low. Another in my condition, perhaps, and my Reteemer; then taking his leave, would have submitted to his fate, and died desired the chaplain to come and administer in a pet; but I could not brook the thoughts some spiritual consolation to me; but before of perishing so pitifully, after I had weath- he arrived, I made shift to rid myself of the ered so many gales of hard fortune: I there- troublesome application the Welshman had fbre, without minding Oakum's injunction, bestowed on my back. The parson having prevailed upon the soldiers (whose good will felt my pulse, inquired into the nature of my I had acquired) to admit my hammock among complaints, hemmed alittle, and began thus: them, and actually congratulated myself upon -- Mr Random, God out of his infinite mermy comfortable situation, which Crampley cy hath been pleased to visit you with a dreadno sooner understood, than he signified to ful distemper, the issue of which no man the captain my contempt of his orders, and knows. You may be permitted to recover was invested with the power to turn me down and live many days on the face of the earth; again into my proper habitation. This bar- and, which is more probable, you may be barous piece of revenge incensed me so much taken away and cut off in the flower of your against the author, that I vowed, with bitter youth; it is incumbent on you, therefore, to imprecations, to call him to a severe account, prepare for the great change, by repenting if ever it should be in my power; and the sincerely of your sins; of this there cannot agitation of my spirits increased my fever to be a greater sign, than an ingenuous confessa violent degree. VlWhile I lay gasping for ion, which I conjure you to make, without breath in this infernal abode, I was visited hesitation, or mental reservation; and when by a serjeant, the bones of whose nose I had I am convinced of your sincerity, I will then reduced and set to rights, after they had been give you such comfort as the situation of demolished by a splinter during our last en- your soul will admit of. Without doubt, you gagement. He being informed of my con- have been guilty of numberless transgressdition, offered me the use of his berth in the ions to which youth is subject, as swearing, middle deck, which was enclosed with can- drunkenness, whoredom, and adultery; tell vass, and well aired by a port-hole that re- me, therefore, without reserve, the particumained open within it. I embraced this pro- lars of each, especially the last, that I may posal with joy, and was immediately con- be acquainted with the true state of your ucted to the place, where I was treated, while conscience; for no physician will prescribe ny illness lasted, with the utmost tenderness for his patient until he knows the circumstan-'d care by this grateful halberdier, who had ces of his disease." As I was not under any i other bed for himself than a hencoop dur- apprehensions of death, I could not help "the whole passage. Here I lay, and en- smiling at the chaplain's inquisitive remonjoyed the breeze; notwithstaning which, my strance, which I told him savoured more of malady gained ground, and at length my life the Roman than of the protestant church, in was despaired of, though I never lost hopes recommending auricular confession; athing, of recovery, even when I had the mortifica- in my opinion, not at all necessary to salvation to see from my cabin window, six or tion, and which, for that reason, I declined. seven thrown overboard every day, who died This reply disconcerted him a little; howof the same distemper. This confidence, I ever, he explained away his meaning, in am persuaded, conduced a great deal to the making learned distinctions between what preservation of my life, especially when join- was absolutely necessary, and what was only ed to another resolution I took at the begin- convenient: then proceeded to ask what rening., namely, to refuse all medicine, which I ligion I professed. I answered, that I had could not help thinking co-operated with the not as vet considered the difference of relidisease, and instead of resisting putrefaction, gions, consequently had not fixed on any one promoted a total degeneracy of the vital in particular, but that I was bred a presbyfluid. When my friend Morgan, therefore, terian. At this word the chaplain expressed brought his diaphoretic boluses, I put them in great astonishment, and said he could not my mouth,'tis true, but without any inten- comprehend how a presbyterian was entitled tion of swallowing them; and, when he to any post under the -English government. went away, spit them out, and washed my Then he asked if I had ever received the mouth with water-gruel. I seemingly com- sacrament, or taken the oaths; to which plied in this manner, that I might not affront questions I replying in the negative, he held the blood of Caractacus, by a refusal which up his hands, assured me he could do me no might have intimated a diffidence of his phy- service, wished I might not be in a state of sical capacity; for he acted as my physician, reprobation, and returned to his messmates, Doctor Mackshanenever once inquiringabout who were making merry in the ward-room, nie, or even knowing where I was. When around a table well stored with bumbo* and any distemper was at the height, Morgan thought my case desperate; and after having r Bumbo is a liqutor composed of ruin, sugar applied a blister to the nape of my neck, water and nutmeg. ADYENTURES OF RODERICK RANDOM. 101 wine. This insinuation, terrible as it was, the picture of horror. Althougfl f could not had not such an effect upon me as the fever, help laughing at his appearance, I was conwhich, soon after he had left me, Crew out- cerned for his situation, and scretched out rageous; I began to see strange chimeras, my hand, telling him I hoped to live and eat and concluded myself on the point of becom- some salmagundy of his aaking in England. ing delirious; in the mean time,. being in It was some time before he could recollect great danger of suffocation, I started up in a himself so far as to feel my pulse, and kind of frantic fit, with an intention to plunge inquire into the particulars of my disease; myself into the sea; and as my friend the but when he found I had enjoyed a favourable serjeant was not present, would certainly crisis, he congratulated me upon my good have cooled myself to some purpose, had I fortune, not failing to ascribe it, under Got, not perceived a moisture upon my thigh, as to the blister he had applied to my back at I endeavoured to get out of my hammock: his last visit, which, by the by, said he, must the appearance of this revived my hopes, now be removed and dressed. He was actuand I had reflection and resolution enough to ally going to fetch dressings, when I, feigntake the advantage of this favourable ssymp- ing astonishment, said,-" Bless me! sure tom, by tearing the shirt from my body, and you never applied a blister to me; there is sheets from my bed, and wrapping myself in nothing on my back, I assure you." But he a thick blanket, in which inclosure, for about could not be convinced till he had examined a quarter of an hour, I felt the pains of hell-; it, and then endeavoured to conceal his colnbut it was not long before I was recompensed fusion, by expressing his surprise in finding for my suffering by a profuse sweat, that, the skin untouched, and the plaster missing. bursting from the whole surface of my skin, In order to excuse myself for paying so little in less than two hours relieved me from all regard to his prescription, I pretended to my complaints, except that of weakness, and have been insensible when it was put on, and left me as hungry as a kite. I enjoyed avery to have pulled it off afterwards in a fit of comfortable nap, after which I was regaling delirium. myself with the agreeable revery of my fu- This apology satisfied my friend, who, on ture happiness, when I heard Morgan, on the this:occasion, abated a good deal of his outside of the curtain, ask the serjeant if I stiffness in regard to punctilio; and as we was alive still? "Alive," cried the other, were now safely arrived at Jamaica, where I "God forbid he should be otherwise! he has had the benefit of fresh provisions and other lain quiet these five hours, and I do not choose refreshments, I recovered strength every day, to disturb him, for sleep will do him great and, in a short time, my health and vigour service." " Aye," said my fellow-mate, "he were perfectly re-established. When I got sleeps so sound, look you, that he will never up at first, and was just able to crawl waken till the great trump blows. Got be about the deck with a staff in my hand, I met merciful to his soul! he has paid his debt Doctor Mackshane, who passed by me with like an honest man. Aye, and moreover, he a disdainful look, and did not vouchlsafe to is at rest from all persecutions, and troubles, honour me with one word. After him came and afflictions, of which, Got knows, and I Crampley, who, strutting up to me, with a know, he had his own share. Ochree! fierce countenance, pronounced, —" Here's ochree! he wasapromising youth, indeed." fine discipline on board, when such lazy So saying, he groaned grievously, and began skulking sons of b-s as you are allowed, to whine in such a manner as persuaded me on pretence of sickness, to lollop at your ease, he had a real friendship for me. The ser- while your betters are kept to hard duty l" jeant, alarmed at his words, came into the The sight and behaviour of this malicious berth, and, while he looked upon me, I smiled, scoundrel incensed me so much, that I could and tipped him the wink; he immediately scarce refrain from laying my cudgel across guessed my meaning, and remaining silent, his pate; but when I considered my present Morgan was confirmed in his opinion of my feebleness, and the enemies I had in the ship, being dead; whereupon he approached with who wanted only a pretence to ruin me, I tears in his eyes, in order to indulge his grief restrained my passion, and contented mywith the sight of the object; and I counter- self with telling him, I had not forgotten his feited death so well, by fixing my eyes, and insolence and malice, and that I hoped we dropping my under jaw, that he said,- should meet one day on shore. At this "There he lies, no petter than a lump of declaration he grinned, shook his fist, and clay, Got help me;" and observed by the swore he longed for nothing more than such distortion of my face, that I must have had an opportunity. a strong struggle. I should not have been Meanwhile our ship was ordered to be able to contain myself much longer, when he heaved down,, victualled, and watered, for began to perform the last duty of a friend, her return to England; and our captain, for in closing my eyes and my mouth; uponl some reason or other, not thinking it conve which I-suddenly snapped at his fingers, and nient for'himn to revisit his native country discomposed him so much, that he started at this time, exchanged with a gentleman, back, turned pale as ashes, and stared like who, on the other hand, wished for nothing 54* 102 SMOLLETT'S SELECT WORKS. so much as to be safe without the tropic; all ner; —" Sir, I hope you will forgive, and his care and tenderness of himself being in- excuse, and pardon, the presumption of one sufficient to preserve his complexion from who has not the honour of being known unto the injuries of the sun and weather. you, but who is, nevertheless, a shentleman Our tyrant having left the:ship, and car- porn and pred, and moreover has had misrled his favourite Mackshane along with fortunes, Got help mle, in the world." Ilere him, to my inexpressible satisfaction, our he was interrupted by the captain, who, or. -new commander came on board in a ten- seeing him, had started up with great amazeoared barge, overshadowed with a vast um- ment at the novelty of the apparition; and brella, and appeared in every thing the re- having recollected himself, pronounced, with verse of Oakum, being a tall, thin, young a look and tone signifying disdain, curiosity man, dressed in this manner:-A white hat, and surprise,-" Zauns! who art thou?" "I garnished with a red feather, adorned his am surgeon's first mate on board of this head, from whence his hair flowed upon ship," replied Morgan, "and I most vehehis shoulders, in ringlets,:tied behind with a mently desire and beseech you, with all ribbon. His coat, consisting of pink-colour- submission, to be pleased to condescend and ed silk lined with white, by the elegance of vouchsafe to. inquire into my character, and the cut retired backward, as it were to dis- my pehaviour, and my deserts, which, under cover a white satin waistcoat embroidered Got, I hope, will entitle me to the vacancy with gold, unbuttoned at the upper part to of surgeon." As he proceeded in his speech display a broach set with garnets, that glit- he continued advancing towards the captain, tered in the breast of his shirt, which was of whose nostrils were no sooner saluted with the finest cambrick, edged with right Mechlin. the aromatic flavour that exhaled from him, The knees of his crimson velvet breeches than hle cried with great emotion,-" Heaven scarcely descended so low as to meet his preserve me! I am suffocated! Fellow, felsilk stockings, which rose without spot or low, away with thee. Curse thee, fellow! wrinkle on his meagre legs, from shoes of get thee gone. I shall be stunk to death I" blue Meroquin, studded with diamond buckles, At the noise of his outcries, his servants ran that flamed forth rivals to the sun! A into his apartment, and he accosted them steel-hilted sword, inlaid with gold, and deck- thus: -" Villains! cut-throats! traitors! I ed with a knot of ribbon which fell down in am betrayed! I am sacrificed!-Will you a rich tassel, equipped his side; and an am- not carry that monster away? or must' I be ber-headed cane hung dangling from his stifled with. the stench of him! Oh! oh!" wrist. But the most remarkable parts of his With these interjections he sunk down upon furniture were a mask on his face, and white his settee in a fit; his valet-de-chambre gloves on his hands, which did not seem to plied him with a smelling-bottle, one footman be put on with an intention to be pulled off chafed his temples with Hungary water, occasionally, but were fixed with a curious another sprinkled the floor with spirits of ring on the little finger of each hand. In lavender, a third pushed Morgan out of the this garb Captain Whiffle (for that was his cabin; who, coining to the place where I name) took possession of the ship, surround- was, sat down, with a demure countenance, ed with a crowd of attendants, all of whom, and, according to his custom, when he in their different degrees, seemed to. be of received any indignity which he durst not their patron's disposition; and the air was revenge, began to sing -a Welsh ditty. I so impregnated with perfumes, that one may guessed he was under some agitation of venture to affirm that the clime of Arabia spirits, and-desired to know the cause; but, Felix was not half so sweet-scented. My instead of answering me directly, he asked, fellow mate, observing no surgeon among with great emotion, if I thought him a monhis train, thought he had found an occasion ster and a stinkard? "A monster and a too favourable for himself to be neglected; stinkard!" said I, with some surprise, " did and remembering the old proverb, —" Spare anybody call you so?"." Got is my judge," to speak, and spare to speed," resolved to replied he, " Captain Fifle did call me both; solicit the new captain's interest immediately, aye, and all the water in the Tawy will not before any other surgeon could be appointed wash it out of my remembrance. I do affirm. for the ship. With this view, he repaired and avouch, and maintain, with my soul, and to the cabin in his ordinary dress,;consisting my pody, and my plood, look you, that I of a check shirt and trowsers, a brown have no smells about me,:but such as a linen waistcoats and a nightcap of the -same Christian ought to have, except the eflluvia (neither of them very clean), which, for his of tobacco, which is a cephalic, -odoriferous, lurther misfortune, happened to smell strong aromatic herb, and he is a son of a mountain of tobacco. Entering without any ceremony goat who says otherwise. As for my being into this sacred place, he found Captain a monster, let that be as it-is: I am as Got Whiffile reposing on a couch,;with a wrapper was pleased to create me, which,- peradvenof fine chintz about his body, and' a muslin ture, is more than I shall aver of him who cap bordered with lace about his head; and gave' ine that title; for I will proclaim it after several low congees, began in this mar,-.r abe:re the orld, that he is disguised, and ADVENTURES OF RODERICK RANDOM. 103 transfigured, and transmograpnied, with God's curse! my arm isbenumbed up to the affectation and whimsies, and thkt he is very shoulder! Heavepn have mercy on me! more like a papoon than one of the human must I perish under the hands of savages? race." What an unfortunate dog was I, to come on board without my own surgeon, Mr Simper!" I craved pardon for having handled him so CHAPTER XXXV. roughly, and, with the utmost care and tenderness, tied up his arm with a fillet of silk. Captain lWhiJlte sends for me-his situa- While I was feeling for the vein, he desired tion described —his surgeon aMrrives, pre-. to know how much blood I intended to take scribes for him and puts him to bed- from him:; and when I answered,-" not a bed is put upfor a3r Simper, contiguous above twelve ounces," started up with a to the state-room, which, with other parts look full of horror, and bade me be gone, of the captain's behaviour, gives the swearingI had a design upon his life. Vership's company a very unfavourable idea gette appeased him with difficulty, and of their commander-I am detained in opening a bureau, took'out a pair of scales, the West Indies by the admiral, and go in one of which vas placed a small cup; and on board of the Lizard sloop of war in putting them into my hand, told me, the quality of surgeon's mate, where I make captain never lost above an ounce and three myself known to the surgeon, who treats drachms at one time. Wihile I prepared for me very kindly-I go on shore, sell my this important evacuation, there came into ticket, purchase necessaries, and at my the cabin a young man gaily dressed, of a return on board, am surprized at the very delicate complexion, with a kind of sight of Crampley, who is appointed languid smile on his face, which seemed to lieutenant of the sloop-we sail on a have been rendered habitual by a long course cruise-take a prize, in which I arrive at of affectation. The captain no sooner perPort iforant, under the command of my ceived him, than, rising hastily, he flew into messmate, with whom I live in great his arms, crying,-"'O! my dear Simper! harmony. I am excessively disordered! I have been betrayed, frighted, murdered, by the negliHE was going on with an eulogiurn upon the gence of my servants, who suffered a beast, captain, when I received a message to clean a mule, a bear, to surprise.me, and stink me myself, and go up to the great cabin; and into convulsions with the fumes of tobacco." with this command I instantly complied, Simper, who, by this time, I found, was sweetening myself with rose water from the obliged to art for the clearness of his cornmedicine chest. When I entered the room, plexion, assumed an air of softness and I was ordered to stand by the door,'until sympathy, and lamented, with many tender Captain Whiffie had reconnoitred me at a expressions of sorrow, the sad accident that distance with a spy-glass. He, having con- had thrown him into that condition; then sulted one sense in this manner, bade me feeling his patient's pulse.onthe outside of advance gradually, that his nose might have his glove, gave it as his opinion, that his intelligence before it could be much offended. disorder was entirely nervous, and that' scnme I therefore approached with great caution drops of tincture of castor and liquid laudaand success; and he was pleased to say,- num- Would be of more service to him than " Aye, this creature is tolerable." I found bleeding, by bridling the inordinate sallies of him lolling on his couch, with a languishing his spirits, and composing the fermentation air, his head supported by his valet-de-cham- of his bile. I was therefore sent to prepare bre, who, from time to time, applied a smell- this prescription, which was administered in ing bottle to his nose. " Vergette," said he, a glass. of sack posset, after the captain had in a squeaking tone, " dost thou think this been put to bed, and orders sent to the officers wretch (meaning me) will do me no injury l on the quarter-deck, to let' nobody walk onl may I venture to' submit my arm to him " that side under which he lay. "Pon my vord," replied the valet, - " I do. While the captain enjoyed his repose, the tink dat dere be great -occasion for your doctor watched over him, and indeed became honour losing one small quantite of blodt; so'necessary, that a cabin was made for him and the young man have quelque chose' of contiguous to the state-room where. Whiffle de bonne mien." "Well then," said his slept, that he might be at hand in case of master, " I think I must venture."- Then accidents in the'night. Next day our comnaddressing himself to me,-" Hast thou ever mander being. happily recovered, gave orders blooded any body but brutes? But I' need that none of the lieutenants should appear.not ask thee, for thou wilt tell.me a most'upon deck without a wig, sword, and ruffles; damnable lie." "Brutes, sir," answered I, nor any midshipman, or other petty officer. pulling down his glove; in order to feel his be seen with a check shirt, or.dirty linen. pulse,',I never meddle with brutes."- He also prohibited any person whatever, "What the devil art thou about?" cried he, except Simper and his own servants, front "dost thou intend to twist off my hand? coming into the great cabin,' without' first 104 SMOLLETT'S SELECT WORKS. sending in to obtain leave. These singular remembrancers of each other. Having preregulations did not prepossess the ship's sented my new warrant to the captain of the company in his favour'; but, on the contrary, Lizard, I inquired for the doctor, whom I no gave scandal an opportunity to be very busy sooner saw, than I recollected him to be one with his character, and accuse him of main- of those young fellows with whom I had been taining a correspondence with the surgeon committed to the round-house, during our not fit to be named. frolic with Jackson, as I have related before. In a few weeks, our ship being under He received me with a good deal of courtesy, sailing orders, I was in hopes of revisiting and-when I put him in mind of our former my native country in a very short time, when acquaintance, expressed great joy at seeing the admiral's surgeon came on board, and me again, and recommended me to an exceedsending for -Morgan and me to the quarter- ing good mess, composed -of the gunner anld deck, gave us to understand, there was a master's mate. As there was not one sick greatscarcity of surgeons in the West Indies: person in the ship, I got leave to go ashore that he was commanded to detain one mate the next day with the gunner, who recomout of every great ship that was bound for mended me to a Jew that bought my. ticket England: and desired us to agree between at the rate of forty per cent discount; and ourselves, before the next day at that hour, having furnished myself with what necessawhich of us should stay behind. We were ries I' wanted, returned on board in the thunder-struck at this proposal, and stared evening, and, to my surprise, found my old at one another some time without speaking: antagonist Crampley' walking upon deck. at length the Welshman broke silence, and Though I did not fear his enmity, I was offered to remain in the West Indies, pro- shocked at.his appearance, and communicated vided the admiral would give him a surgeon's my sentiments on that subject to Mr Tomlins warrant immediately; but he was told there the surgeon, who told me that Crampley, by was no want of chief surgeons, and that he dint of some friends about the admiral, had must be contented with the station of mate, procured a commission, constituting himlieutill he should be further provided for in due tenant on board the Lizard; and advised me, course: whereupon Morgan flatly refused to now he was my superior officer, to behave quit the ship for which the commissioners of with some respect towards him, or else he the navy had appointed him; and the other would find a thousand opportunities of using told him as plainly, that if we could not me ill. This advice was a bitter potion to determine the affair by ourselves before to- me, whom pride and resentment had rendered morrow morning, he must cast lots, and abide utterly incapable of the least submission to, by his chance. When I recalled to my or even a reconciliation with, the wretch remembrance the miseries I had undergone who had on many occasions treated me so in England, where I had not one friend to inhumanly; however, I resolved to have as promote my interest, or favour my advance- little connection as possible with him, and to ment in the navy, and, at the same time, ingratiate myself as much as I could with reflected on the present dearth of surgeons the rest of'the officers, whose friendship in the West Indies, and the unhealthiness might be a bulwark to defend me from the of the climate, which every day almost re- attempts of his malice. duced the number, I could not help thinking In less than a week we sailed on a cruise, my success would be much more certain and and, having weathered the east end of the expeditious, by my staying where I was, island, had the good fortune to take a Spanish than by returning to Europe. I therefore barcolongo, with her prize, which was an resolved to comply with a good grace, and English ship bound for Bristol, that sailed next day, when we were ordered to throw from Jamaica a fortnight before, without condice, told Morgan he needed not trouble voy. All the prisoners who were well we himself, for I would voluntarily submit to the put on shore on the north side of the island; admiral's pleasure. This frank declaration the prizes were manned with Englishmen, was commended by the gentleman, who and the command of the barcolongo given to assured me, it should not fare the worse with my friend the master's mate, with orders to me for my resignation. Indeed, he'was as carry them into Port Morant, and there to good as his word, and that very afternoon remain until the Lizard's cruise should be procured a warrant, appointingme a surgeon's ended, at which time she would touch at the mate of the Lizard sloop of war, which put same place in her way to Port Royal. Wdith me on a footing with every first mate in the him I was sent to attend the wounded Spaservice. niards as well as Englishmen, who amounted My ticket being made out, I put my chest to sixteen, and to take care of them on shore, and bedding on board a canoe that lay along- in a house that was to be hired as an hospital. side, and having shook hands with my trusty This destination' gave me a great deal of friend the. serjeant, and honest Jack Rattlin,'pleasure, as I should for some time be freed who was bound for Greenwich hospital, I from the arrogance of' Crampley, whose took my leave of Morgan with many tears, inveteracy against me had already broken out after we had exchanged our sleeve-buttons as on two or three occasions since he was ADVENTURES OF RODERICK RANDOM. 105 become a lieutenant. My messmate, who sion, which was extreme, he clasped me in very much resembled my uncle, both in figure his arms, and bedewed my face with tears. and disposition, treated me on board of the It was some time ere I recovered the use of prize with the utmost civility and confidence; my reason, overpowered with this event, and and, among other favours, made me a present longer still before I could speak; so that all of a silver-hilted hanger, and a pair of pistols I was capable of was to return his embraces, mounted with the same metal, which fell to and to mingle the overflowings of my joy his share in plundering the enemy. We with his; whilst honest Brayl, affected witharrived safely at Morant, and, going on shore, the scene, wept as fast as either of us, and pitched upon an empty storehouse, which we signified his participation of our happiness, hired for the reception of the wounded, who by hugging us both, and capering about the were brought to it next day, with bed and room like a madman. At length I retrieved other necessaries: and four of the ship's com- the use of my tongue, and cried,-" Is it posspany appointed to attend them and obey me. ible, can you be my friend Thomson? No, certainly: alas! he was drowned! and I am now under the deception of a dream!" He CHAPTER XXXVI. was at great pains to convince me of his being the individual person whom I regretted,.A strange adventure-in consequence of and, bidding me sit down and compose mywhich I am extremely happy-Crampley self, promised to explain his sudden disapdoes me ill ojjice; with the captain; but pearance from the Thunder, and to account his malice is defeated by the good nature for his being at present in the land of the and friendship of the surgeon-we return living. This task he acquitted himself of, to Port Royal-our captain gets the com- after I had drank a glass of punch, and remand of a larger ship, and is succeeded collected my spirits, by informing us, that, by an old man-Brayl is provided for- with a determination to rid himself of a miswe receive orders to sailfor England. erable existence, he had gone in the nighttime to the head, while the ship was on her WHEN my patients were all in a fair way, way, froih whence he slipped down as softly my companion'and commander, whose name as he could by the bows into the sea, where, was Brayl, carried me up the country to the after he was heartily ducked, he began to house of a rich planter, with whom he was repent of his precipitation, and, as he could acquainted, where we were sumptuously swim very well, kept himself above water, in entertained, and, in' the evening set out on hopes of being taken up by some of the ships our returnto the ship. When we had walked astern: that, in this situation, he hailed a about a mile by moonlight, we perceived a large vessel, and begged to be taken in, but horseman behind us, who, coming up, wished was answered that she was a heavy sailor, us good even; and asked, which way we and therefore they did not choose to lose time went? His voice, which was quite familiar by bringing to: however, they threw an old to me, no sooner struck my ear, than, in spite chest overboard for his convenience, and told of all my resolution and reflection, my hair him, that some of the ships astern would cerbristled up, and I was seized with a violent tainly save him: that no other vessel came fit of trembling, which Brayl misinterpreting, within sight or cry of him for the space of bade me be under no concern. I told him three hours, during which time he had the he was mistaken in the cause of my disorder; mortification to find himself in the middle of and, addressing myself to the person on the ocean alone, without other support or horseback, said, —" I could have sworn by resting place but what a few crazy boards your voice, that you were a dear friend of afforded; till at last he discerned a small mine, if I had not been certain of his death." sloop steering towards him, upon which he To this address, after some pause, he replied, set up his throat, and had the good fortune -" There are many voices as well as faces to be heard and rescued from the dreary that resemble one another; but pray, what waste by their boat, which was hoisted out was your friend's name 3" I satisfied him in on purpose. " I was no sooner brought on that particular, and gave a short detail of the board," continued he, "than I fainted; and melancholy fate of Thomson, not without when I recovered my senses, found myself many sighs and some tears. A silence en- in bed, regaled with a most noisome smell sued, which lasted some minutes, and then of onions and cheese, which made me think, the conversation turned on different subjects, at first, that I was in my own hammock, alongtill we arrived at a house on the road, where side of honest Morgan, and that all which the horseman alighted, and begged with so had passed was no more than a dream.much earnestness, that we would go in and Upon inquiry I understood that I was on drink a bowl of punch with him, that we board of a schooner belonging to Rhode could not resist. But if I was alarmed at Island, bound for Jamaica, with a cargo of his voice, what must my amazement be, when geese, pigs, onions and cheese; and that the I discovered by the light the very person of master's name was Robertson, by birth a my lamented friend! Perceiving my confu- North-Briton, whom I knew at first sight to.i G* 106 SMOLLETT'S SELECT WORKS. be an old school-fellow of mine. When I and did not disdain his addresses; that he discovered myself to him, he was transported was very much favoured by her parents, and with surprise and joy, and begged to know the did not despair of obtaining their consent to occasion of my misfortune, which I did not the match, which would at once render him think fit to disclose, because I knew his no- independent of the world. I congratulated tions with regard to religion were very severe him on his good fortune, which he protested and confined; therefore contented myself should never make him forget his friends, and with telling him, I fell overboard by acci- towaids morning we betook ourselves to rest. dent; but made no scruple of explaining the Next.day he accompanied me to the ship, nature of my disagreeable station, and of ac- where Mr Brayl entertained him at dinner; quainting him with my determined purpose and we having spent the afternoon together, never to return to the Thunder man of war. he took his leave of us in the evening, after Although he was not of my opinion in that he had forced upon me ten pistoles, as a small particular, knowing that I must lose my token of his affection. In short, while we clothes, and what pay was due to me, unless staid here, we saw one another every day, I went back to my duty; yet, when I de- and generally ate at the same table, which scribed the circumstances of the hellish life I was plentifully supplied by him with all kinds led, under the tyrannic sway of Oakum and of poultry, butchers' meat, oranges, limes, Mackshane; and, among other grievances, lemons, pine apples, Madeira wine, and iinted a dissatisfaction at the irreligious excellent rum; so that&this small interval of deportment of my shipmates, and the want ten days was by far the most agreeable period of the true presbyterian gospel doctrine; he of my life. changed his sentiments, and conjured me, At length the Lizard arrived; and my witth great vehemence and zeal, to lay aside patients being all fit for duty, they and I all thoughts of rising in the navy: and, that were ordered on board of her, where I underhe might show how much lie had my interest stood from Mr Tomlins, that there was a at heart, undertook to provide for me, in shyness between the lieutenant and him on some shape or other, before he should leave my account; that rancorous villain having Jamaica. This promise he performed to my taken the opportunity of my absence to fill heart's desire, by recommending me to a the captain's ears with a thousand scandalous gentleman of fortune, with whom I have lived stories to my prejudice; among other things, ever since, in quality of surgeon and overseer affirming, that I had been once transported to his plantations. Hle and his lady are now for theft, and that, when I was in the Thunat Kingston, so that I am, for the present, der man of war, I had been whipt for the master of this house, to which, from my soul, same crime. The surgeon, on the other I bid you welcome, and hope you will favour hand, having heard my whole story from my me with your company during the remaining own mouth, defended me strenuously; and, part of the night." I needed not a second in the course of that good-natured office. invitation! but Mr Brayl, who was a dili- recounted all the instances of Crampley's gent and excellent officer, could not be per- malice against me while I remained on board suaded to sleep out of the ship: however, he of that ship: which declaration, while it supped with us, and, after having drank a satisfied the captain of my innocence, made cheerful glass, set out for the vessel, which the lieutenant as much my defender's enemy was not above three miles from the place, as mine. This infernal behaviour of Crampescorted by a couple of stout negroes, whom ley, with regard to me, added such fuel to Mr Thomson ordered to conduct him. Never my former resentment, that, at certain times, were two friends more happy in the conver- I was quite beside myself with the desire of sation of each other than we, for the time revenge, and was even tempted to pistol him It lasted; I related to him the particulars of on the quarter-deck, though an infamous our attempt upon Carthagena, of which lie death must inevitably have been my reward. had heard but an imperfect account; and he But the surgeon, who was my confidant, gratified me with a narration of every little argued against such a desperate action so incident of his life since we parted. He effectually, that I stifled the flame which assured me, it was with the utmost difficulty consumed me for the present, and resolved lie could resist his inclination of coming down to wait for a more.convenient opportunity. to Port Royal to see Morgan and me, of whom In the mean time, that Mr Tomlins might be he had heard no tidings since the day of our the more convinced of the wrongs I suffered separation: but that lie was restrained by the by this fellow's slander, I begged he would fear of being detained as a deserter. He told go and visit Mr Thomson, whose wonderful me, that, when he heard my voice in the escape I had made him acquainted with, and dark, ne was almost as much surprised as I inquire of him into the particulars of my was at seeing him afterwards! and, in the conduct, while he was my fellow-mate. confidence of friendship, disclosed a passion This request the surgeon complied with, lie entertained for the only daughter of the more from curiosity to see a person whose gentleman with whomn he lived, who, by his fate had been so extraordinary, than to condescription, was a very amiliable young lady, firm his good opinion of me, which, he assured ADVENTURES OF RODERICK RANDOM. 107 me, was already firmly established. He geon, through the scandalous aspersions therefore set out for the dwelling-place of of Crampley-the captain dies-Crampmy friend, with a letter of introduction from ley tyrannizes over the surgeon, whofalls me;. and, being received with all the civility a victim to his cruelty —Iam also ill used and kindness I expected, returned to the - the ship strikes —the behaviour of ship, not only satisfied with my character Crampley and the: seamen on that occabeyond the power of doubt or insinuation, sion-I get on shore, challenge the capbut also charmed with the affability and tain to single combat-am treacherously conversation of Thomson, who loaded him knocked down, wounded, and robbed. and me with presents of fresh stock, liquors, and fruit. As he would not venture to come -Now that I could return to my native counand see us on board, lest Crampley should. try in a creditable way, I felt excessive pleaknow and detain him, when the time of our sure in finding myself out of sight of that departure approached, I obtained leave to fatal island, which has been the grave of so go and bid him farewell. After we had Xmany Europeans; and as I was accommodavowed an everlasting friendship, he pressed; ted with every thing to render the passage upon me a purse with four doubloons, which agreeable, I resolved to enjoy myself as much I refused as long as I could without, giving as the insolence of Crampley would permit. umbrage; and, having cordially embraced This insidious slanderer had found means each. other, I returned on board, where I already to cause a misunderstanding between found a small box, with a letter directed to. the. surgeon and captain, who, by his age and me, to the care of Mr Tomlins. Knowing infiimities,, was rendered intolerably peevthe superscription to be of Thomson's hand- ish, his disposition having also been soured writing, I opened it with some surprise, and. by a long course of disappointments. He learned that this generous friend, not con- had a particular aversion to all young men, tented with loading me with the presents especially to surgeons, whom he considered already mentioned, had sent, for my use and. as unnecessary animals on board of a ship: acceptance, half a dozen fine shirts, and as and, in consequence of these sentiments, many linen waistcoats and caps, with twelve never consulted the doctor,.notwithstanding pair of new thread stockings. Being thus his being seized with a violent fit of the gout provided with money, and all necessaries and gravel; but applied to a cask of Holland for the comfort of life, I began to look upon gin, which was his sovereign prescription myself as a gentleman of some consequence, against all distempers. Whether he was at and felt my pride dilate apace. this time too. sparing, or took an overdose of Next day we sailed for Port Royal, where his cordial, certain it is, he departed in the we arrived safely with our prizes: and as night, without any ceremony, which indeed there was nothing to do on board, I went was a thing he always despised, and was ashore, and, having purchased a laced waist- found stiff. next morning, to the no small coat, with some other clothes, at a sale, satisfaction of Crampley, who succeeded to made a swaggering figure for some days the command of the vessel. For that very among the taverns, where I ventured to play reason, Mr Tomlins and I had no cause to a' little at hazard, and came off with fifty rejoice at this event, fearing that the tyranny pistoles in my pocket. Meanwhile, our of our new commander would now be as captain was promoted to a ship of twenty unlimited as his power. The first day of his guns, and the command of the Lizard given command justified our apprehension; for, on to a man turned of fourscore, who had been pretence that the decks were too much lieutenant since the reign of King William, crowded, he ordered the surgeon's hen-coops, and, notwithstanding his long service, would with all his fowls, to be thrown overboard; have probably died in that station, had he and at the same time prohibited him and me not applied some prize-money he had lately from appearing on the quarter-deck. Mr received, to make interest with his superiors. Tomlins could not help complaining of these My friend Brayl was also made an officer injuries, and, in the course of his expostulaabout the same time, after he.had served in tion, dropped some hasty. words, of which quality of a midshipman and mate five-and- Crampley taking hold, confined him to his twenty years. Soon after these alterations, cabin, where, in a few days, for want of air, the admiral pitched upon our ship to carry he was attacked by a fever, which soon put nome dispatches for the ministry; and we an end to his life, after he had made his will, set sail for England, having first scrubbed by which he bequeathed all his estate, perher bottom, and taken in provision and water sonal and real, to his sister, and left to me for the occasion. his watch and instruments as memorials of his friendship. I was penetrated with grief on this melancholy occasion,; the more beCHAPTER XXXVI1. cause there was nobody, on board to whom I. could communicate my sorrows, or of whom We. departfor Europe-a misunderstand- I could receive the least consolation or ading arises between the captain and sur- vice. Crampley was so far from discovering 108 SMOLLETT'S SELECT WORKS. the least remorse for his barbarity, at the likelihood, he should be in eternity in a few news of the surgeon's death, that he insult- minutes. "All's one for that," said the ed his memory in the most abusive manner,, plunderer, "'let us live while we can." and affirmed he had poisoned himself out of "Miserable wretch that thou art," cried the pure fear, dreading to be brought to a court- purser, " what must be thy lot in the other martial for mutiny; for which reason he world, if thou diest in the commission of would not suffer the service of the dead to robbery?" " Why, hell, I suppose," replied be read over his body before it was thrown the other, with great deliberation, while the overboard. purser fell on his knees, and begged of heaNothing but a speedy deliverance could ven, that we might not all perish for the have supported me under the brutal sway of sake of one Jonas. During this dialogue, I this bashaw, who, to render my life the more clothed myself in my best apparel, girded irksome, signified to my messmates a desire on my hanger, stuck my pistols loaded in my that I should be expelled from their society. belt, disposed of all my valuable movables This was no sooner hinted, than they grant- about my person, and came upon deck with ed his request; and I was fain to eat, in a a resolution of taking the first opportunity solitary manner, by myself, during the rest to get on shore, which, when the day broke, of the passage, which, however, soon drew appeared at the distance of three miles to a period. ahead. Crampley, finding his efforts to get We had been seven weeks at sea, when the ship off ineffectual, determined to consult the gunner told the captain, that, by his reck- his own safety, by going into the boat, which oning, we must be in soundings, and desired he had no sooner done, than the ship's coinhe would order the lead to be heaved. pany followed so fast, that she would have Crampley swore he did not know how to sunk alongside, had not some one wiser than keep the ship's way, for we were not within the rest cut the rope and put off. But bea hundred leagues of soundings, and there- fore this happened, I had made several atfore he would not give himself the trouble to tempts to get in, and was always baulked by cast the lead. Accordingly, we continued the captain, who was so eager in excluding our course all that afternoon and night, me, that he did not mind the endeavours of without shortening sail, although the gunner any other body. Enraged at this inhuman pretended to discover Scilly light, and next partiality, and seeing the rope cut, I pulled morning protested in form against the cap- one of my pistols from my belt, and cocking tain's conduct, for which he was put in con- it, swore I would shoot any man who should finement. We discovered no land allthat presume to obstruct my entrance. So sayday, and Crampley was still so infatuated as ing, I leaped with my full exertion, and got to neglect sounding; but at three o'clock in on board of the boat with the loss of the skin the morning, the ship struck, and remained of my shins. I chanced in my descent to fast on a sand-bank. This accident alarmed overturn Crampley, who no sooner got up the whole crew; the boat was immediately than he struck at me several times with a hoisted out; but, as we could not discern cutlass, and ordered the men to throw nme which way the shore lay, we were obliged to overboard; but they were too anxious about wait for day-light. In the mean time, the their own safety to mind what he said. wind increased, and the waves beat against Though the boat was very deeply loaded, the sloop with such violence, that we expect- and the sea terribly high, we made shift to ed she would have gone to pieces. The gun- get upon dry land in less than an hour after ner was released, and consulted: he advised we parted from the sloop. As soon as I set the captain to cut away the mast, in order to foot on terra firma, my indignation, which lighten her; this expedient was performed had boiled so long within me, broke out without success: the sailors seeing things against Crampley, whom I immediately in a desperate situation, according to cus- challenged to single combat, presenting my tom, broke up the chests belonging to the pistols, that he might take his choice; lihe officers, dressed themselves in their clothes, took one without hesitation, and, before I drank their liquors without ceremony, and could cock the other, fired in my face, throwdrunkenness, tumult, and confusion ensued. ing the pistol after the shot. I felt myself In the midst of this uproar, I went below stunned, and imagining the bullet had ento secure my own effects; and found the tered my brain, discharged mine as quick as carpenter's mate hewing down the purser's possible, that I might not die unrevenged: cabin with his hatchet, whistling all the while then flying upon my antagonist, knocked out with great composure. When I asked his several of his fore teeth with the butt-end of intention in doing so, he replied very calmly, the piece, and would certainly have made -" I only want to'taste the purser's rum, an end of him with that instrument, had he that's all, master." At that instant the pur- not disengaged himself, and seized his cutser coming down, and seeing his effects lass, which he had given to his servant when going to wreck, complained bitterly of the he received the pistol. Seeing him armed injustice done to him, and asked the fellow in this manner, I drew mny hanger, and havywhat occasion he had for liquor, when, in all ing flung my pistol at his head, closed with ADVENTURES OF RODERICK RANDOM. 109 him in a transport of fury, and thrust my sagacity than Crampley, observing that it weapon into his mouth, which enlarged it on was flood when he left her, and that she one side to his ear. Whether the smart of would possibly float at high water, made no this wound disconcerted him, or the uneven- noise about getting on shore, but continued ness of the ground made him reel, I know on deck, in hopes of bringing her safe into not, but he staggered some paces back: I some harbour, after the commander should followed close, and with one stroke cut the have deserted her; for which piece of service tendons of the back of his hand, upon which he expected, no doubt, to be handsomely his cutlass dropt, and he remained defence- rewarded. This scheme he accordingly less. I know not with what cruelty my rage executed, and was promised great things by might have inspired me, if I had not at that the admiralty for saving his majesty's ship; instant been felled to the ground by a blow but I never heard he reaped the fruits of his on the back part of my head, which deprived expectation. As for my own part, I directed me of all sensation. In this deplorable my course towards a small cottage I persituation, exposed to the rage of an incensed ceived, and, in the road, picked up a seaman's barbarian, and the rapine of an inhuman old jacket, which, I suppose, the thief who crew, I remained for some time; and whether dressed himself in my clothes had thrown any dispute arose among them during the away: this was a very comfortable acquisition state of my annihilation, I cannot pretend to to me, who was almost stiff with cold; I determine; but in one particular they seem therefore put it on, and as my natural heat to have been unanimous, and acted with revived, my wounds, which had left off equal dexterity and dispatch; for when I bleeding, burst out afresh; so that,. finding recovered the use of understanding, I found myself excessively exhausted, I was about myself alone in a desolate place, stripped of to lie down in the fields, when I discovered my clothes, money, watch, buckles, and every a barn on my left hand, within a few yards thing but my shoes, stockings, breeches, of me; thither I made shift to stagger, and and shirt. What a discovery must this have finding the door open, went in, but saw nobeen to me, who but an hour before was body; however I threw myself upon a truss worth sixty guineas in cash! I cursed the of straw, hoping to be soon relieved by some hour of my birth, the parents that gave me person or other. I had not lain here many being, the sea that did not swallow me up, minutes, when I saw a countryman coming the poniard of the enemy, which could not in with a pitch-fork in his hand, which he find the way to my heart, the villainy of was upon the point of thrusting into the those who had left me in that miserable con- straw that concealed me, and, in all probadition; and, in the ecstasy of despair, re- bility, would have done my business, had I solved to lie still where I was, and perish. not uttered a dreadful groan, after having essayed in vain to speak. This melancholy note alarmed the clown, who started back, CHAPTER XXXVIII. and discovering a body all besmeared with blood, stood trembling with the pitch-fork I get up, and crawl into a barn, where I am extended before him, his hair bristling up, in danger of perishing through the fear his eyes staring, his nostrils dilated, and his qf the country people —their inhumanity mouth wide open. At another time I should -I am succoured by a reputed witch- have been much diverted by this figure, her story —her advice-she recommends which preserved the same attitude very near me as a valet to a single lady, whose ten minutes, during which time I made many character she explains. unsuccessful efforts to implore his compassion and assistance; but my tongue failed me, BUT as I lay ruminating, my passion insen- and my language was only a repetition of sibly abated; I considered my situation in groans; at length an old man arrived, who, quite another light from that in which it seeing. the other in such a posture, cried,appeared to me at first9 and the result of my " Mercy upon un! the leaad's bewitched; deliberation was to rise, if I could, and why, Dick, beest thou besayed thyself!" crawl to the next inhabited place for assist- Dick, without moving his eyes from the ance. With some difficulty I got upon my object that terrified him, replied,-" O valegs, and having examined my body, found I ther! vather! here be either the devil or a had received no other injury than two large dead mon: I doan't know which o'en, but a contused wounds, one on the fore, and groans woundily." The father, whose eyeanother on the hinder part of my head: which sight was none of the best, pulled out his seemed to be occasioned by the same wea- spectacles, and having applied them to his pon, namely, the butt-end of a pistol. I nose, reconnoitred me over his son's shoul. looked towards the sea, but could discern no der; but no sooner did he behold me, than remains of the ship; so that I concluded she he was seized with a fit of shamring, even was gone to pieces, and that those who re- more violent than Dick's, and, with a broken mained in her had perished: but, as I after- accent, addressed me thus:-" In the name wards learned, the gunner, who had more of the Vather, Zun, and Holy Ghost, I charge 110 SMOLLETT'S SELECT WORKS. you, an you been Satan, to be gone to the a whole village, nobody having humanity Red Zea; but an you be a moordered man, enough to administer the least relief to me, speak, that you may have christom burial." until an old woman, who was suspected of As I was not in a condition to satisfy him witchcraft by'the neighbourhood, hearing of in this particular, he repeated his conjuration my distress, received me into her house, and to no purpose:' and they continued a good having dressed my wounds, brought me to while in the agonies of feat. At length the myself with cordials of her own preparing. father proposed that the son should draw I was treated with great care and tenderness nearer, and take a more distinct view of the by this grave matron, who, after I had apparition; but Dick was of opinion that recovered some strength, desired to know his father should advance first, as being an the particulars of my last disaster. This old man, past his labour, and if he' received piece: of satisfaction I could not refuse to any mischief, the loss would be the smaller, one who had saved my life; I. therefore whereas he'himself might escape, and be related all my adventures without exaggeuseful in his generation. This prudential ration or reserve. She seemed surprised at reason had no effect upon the senior, who the vicissitudes I had undergone, and drew still kept Dick between me and him. In the a happy presage of my future life from my meantime I endeavoured to raise'one hand past sufferings; then launched out into the as a signal of distress, but had only strength praise of adversity with so much ardour and sufficient to produce a rustling among the good sense, that I concluded she was a perstraw, which discomposed the young peasant son who had seen better days, and conceived so much, that he sprung out at the door, and a longing desire to hear her story. She overthrew his father in his flight. The old perceived my drift by some words I dropped, gentleman would not spend time in getting and smiling, told me, there. was nothing up, but crawled backwards like. a crab, with either entertaining or extraordinary in the great speed, till he had got over the threshold, course of her fortune;, but, however, she mumbling exorcisms all the' way. I was would communicate it to me in consideration exceedingly mortified to find myself in dan- of the confidence I had repose in her.-" It ger of perishing through the ignorance and is of little consequence," said she, " to tell cowardice of these clowns;. and felt my the names of my parents, who are dead spirits decay apace, when an old woman many years ago; let it suffice to assure you, entered the barn, followed by the two fugi- they were wealthy, and had no other child tives, and, with great intrepidity, advanced than me; so that I was looked upon as to the place where I lay, saying, —" if it be heiress to a considerable estate, and teazed the devil, I fear en not, and for a dead mon, with addresses on that account. Among a can do us n, harm." When she saw my the number of my admirers, there was a condition, she cried,-" Here be no devil, young gentleman of no fortune, whose sole but in youren fool's head. Here be a poor dependence was on his promotion in the miserable wretch, bleeding to death, and if army, in which, at that time, he bore a a dies, we must be at the charge of burying lieutenant's commission. I conceived an him; therefore, Dick,. go' vetch the old affection for this amiable officer, which, in a wheel-barrow and put en in, and carry en to short time, increased to a violent passion; goodman Hodge's back door: he is more and, without entering into minute circumable than we to lay out money upon poor stances, married him privately. We had vagrants." Her advice was taken, and im- not enjoyed one another long in stolen inmediately put in execution; I was rolled to terviews, when he was ordered with his the other farmer's door, where I was tumbled regiment to Flanders; but, before he set out, out like a heap of dung: and would certainly it was agreed between us, that he should have fallen a prey to the hogs, if my groans declare our marriage to mv father by letter, had not disturbed the family, and brought and implore his pardon fol tfhe step we had some of them out to view my situation. But taken without his approbation. This disHodge resembled the Jew more than the' covery was made whil I was abroad visiting, good Samaritan, and ordered me to be carried and just as I was about to return home, I to the house of the parson, whose business received a letter from my father, importing, it was to practise as well as to preach cha- that since I' had acted so undutifully and rity; observing that it was sufficient for him meanly, as to marry a beggar, without his to pay his quota towards the maintenance of privity or' consent, to the disgrace of his the poor belonging to his own parish. When family, as well as the disappointment of his I was set down at the vicar's gate, he fell hopes, he renounced me to the miserable into a mighty passion, and threatened to fate I had entailed upon myself, and charged excommunicate him who sent, as well as me never to-set foot within his doors a'ain. those who brought me, unless they would This rigid sentence was confirmed by my move me immediately to another place. mother, who, in a postscript, gave me to About this time I fainted with the fatigue I understand, that her sentiments were exactly nad undergone, and afterwards understood conformable to those of my father, and that that I was bandied from door to door through I might save myself the trouble of making ADVENTURES OF RODERICK RANDOMi. 111 any applications, for her resolutions were The whole behaviour of this venerable unalterable. Thunderstruck with my evil person was so primitive, innocent, sensible, fortune, I called a coach, and drove to my and humane, that I contracted a filial respect husband's lodgings, where I found him for her, and begged her advice with regard waiting the event of his letter. Though he to my future conduct as soon as I was in a could easily divine by my looks the issue of condition to act for myself. She dissuaded his declaration, he read with great steadiness me from a design I had formed of travelling the epistle I had received; and, with a smile to London, in hopes of retrieving my clothes full of tenderness, which I shall never forget, and pay, by returning to my ship, which, by embraced me, saying, " I believe the good this time, I read in the newspaper, was lady your mother might have spared herself safely arrived in the river Thames; "bethe trouble of the last part of herpostscript. cause," said she, "you run the hazard of Well, my dear Betty, you must lay aside all being treated, not only as a deserter in quitthoughts of a coach, till I can procure the ting the sloop, but also as a mutineer in command of a regiment." This uncon- assaulting your commanding officer, to the cerned behaviour, while it enabled me to malice of whose revenge you will moreover support my reverse of fortune, at the same be exposed." She then promised to recomtime endeared him to me the more, by con- mend mne as a servant to a single lady of her vincing me of his disinterested views in acquaintance, who lived in the neighbourespousing me. I was next day boarded' in hood with her nephew, who was a young company with the wife of another officer, fox-hunter of great fortune, where I might who had long been the friend and confidant be very happy, provided I could bear the of my husband, at a village not far from disposition and manners of my mistress, London, where they parted with us in the which were somewhat whimsical and partimost melting manner, went to Flanders, and cular. But, above all things, she counselled were killed in sight of one another at the me to conceal my story, the knowledge of battle of the Wood. Why should I tire you which would effectually poison myv enterwith a description of our unutterable sorrow tainment; for it was a maxim among most at the fatal news of this event, the remem- people of condition, that no gentleman in brance of which now fills my aged eyes distress ought to be admitted into a family with tears! When our grief subsided a as a domestic, least he become proud, lazy little, and reflection came to our aid, we and insolent. I was fain to embrace this found ourselves deserted by the whole world, humble proposal, because my affairs were and in danger of perishing by want; where- desperate, and in a few days was hired by upon we made application for the pension, this lady to serve in quality of her footman, and were put upon the list. Then vowing having been represented by my hostess as eternal friendship, we sold our jewels and a young man who was bred up to the sea by superfluous clothes, retired to this place his relations against his will, and had suffer(which is in the county of Sussex), bought ed shipwreck, which had increased his disgust this little house, where we lived many years to that way of life so much, that he rather in a solitary manner, indulging our mutual chose to go to service on shore, than enter sorrow, till it pleased Heaven to call away himself on board of any other ship. Before my companion two years ago, since which I took possession of my new place, she gave time I have lingered out an unhappy being, in me a sketch of my mistress's character, that hopes ofaspeedy dissolution,.whenI promise I might know better how to regulate my myself the eternal reward of all my cares. conduct. "Your lady," said she, "is a In the mean time," continued she,' I must maiden of forty years, not so remarkable for inform you of the character I bear among her beauty as her learning and taste, which my'neighbours; my conversation being dif- are famous all over the country. Indeed she ferent from that of the inhabitants of the is a perfect female virtuoso; and so eager village, my recluse way of life, my skill in after the pursuit of knowledge, that she negcuring distempers, which I acquired from lects her person even to a degree of slutbooks since I settled here, and, lastly, my age, tishness. This negligence, together with' have made the common people look upon me her contempt of the male part of the creaas something preternatural, and I am actu- tion, gives her nephew no great concern, as ally at this hour believed to be a witch. The by these means he will probably keep her parson of the parish, whose acquaintance I foIrtune, which is considerable, in the family. have not been at much pains to cultivate, He therefore permits her to live in her own taking umbrage at my supposed' disrespect, way, which is something extraordinary, and has contributed not a little towards the con- gratifies her in all her whimsical desires. firmation of this opinion, by dropping certain Her apartment is at some, distance from hints to my prejudice among the vulgar, who the other inhabited parts of the house, and are also very much scandalized at my enter- consists of a dining-room, bed-room, and taining this poor tabby cat with the collar study. She keeps a cook-maid, waiting-wo. about her neck, which was a favourite of my man, and footman of her own; and seldom deceased comnanion." eats or converses with any of the family hbut 112 SMOLLETT'S SELECT WORKS. her niece, who is a very lovely creature, and never washed but in Castalian streams. humours her aunt often to the prejudice of Around her lay heaps of books, globes, quadher own health, by sitting up with her whole rants, telescopes, and other learned appanights together; foryour mistress is too much ratus: her snuff-box stood at her right hand; of a philosopher to be swayed by the cus- at her left hand lay her handkerchief, suffitoms of the world, and never sleeps or eats ciently used; and a convenience to spit in like other people. Among other odd no- appeared on one side of her chair. She tions, she professes the principles of Rosi- being in a reverie when we entered, the maid crucius; and believes the earth, air, and sea, did not think proper to disturb her; so that are inhabited by invisible beings, with whom we waited some minutes unobserved, during it is possible for the human species to enter- which time she bit the quill several times, tain correspondence and intimacy, on the altered her position, made many wry faces, easy condition of living chaste. As she and at length, with an air of triumph, rehopes one day to be admitted into an ac- peated aloud, quaintance of this kind, she no sooner heard No dae th of me and my cat, than she paid me a visit, with a view, as she has since owned, to be Having committed her success to paper, introduced to my familiar, and was greatly she turned towards the door, and, perceiving mortified to find herself disappointed in her us, cried,-" What's the matter?" " Here's expectation. Being, by this visionary turn the young man," replied my conductress, of mind, abstracted, as it were, from the "whom Mrs Sagely recommended as a footworld, she cannot advert to the common man to your ladyship." On this information occurrences of life, and therefore is frequently she stared in my face a considerable time, so absent as to commit very strange mis- and then asked my name, which I thought takes and extravagancies, which you will do proper to conceal under that of John Brown. well to rectify and repair as your prudence After having surveyed me with a curious eye, shall suggest." she broke out into —" O! ay, thou wast shipwrecked, I remember. Whether didst thou come on shore on the back of a whale or a CHAPTER XXXIX. dolphin'" To this I answered, I had swam ashore without any assistance. Then she My reception by that lady-I become ena- demanded to know if I had ever been at the moured of Narcissa-recount the particu- Hellespont, and swam from Cestos to Abydos. lars of my last misfortune-acquire the I replied in the negative; upon which she good opinion of my mistress-an account bade the maid order a suit of new livery for of the young squire-I am made ac- me, and instruct me in the articles of my quainted with more particulars of Narcis- duty: so saying, she spit in her snuff-box, sa's situation-conceive a mortal hatred and wiped her nose with her cap, which lay against Sir Timothy —examinemy lady's on the table, instead of a handkerchief: library and performances-her extrava- We returned to the kitchen, where I was regant behaviour. galed by the maids, who seemed to vie with each other in expressing their regard for me; FRAUGHT with these useful instructions, I and from them I understood that my business repaired to the place of her habitation, and consisted in cleaning knives and forks, laywas introduced by the waiting-woman to the ing the cloth, waiting at table, carrying presence of my lady, who had not before messages, and attending my lady when she seen me. She sat in her study, with one went abroad. There was a very good suit foot on the ground, and the other upon a of livery in the house, which had belonged to high stool at some distance from her seat; my predecessor, deceased, antf it fitted me her sandy locks hung down in a disorder I exactly; so that there was no occasion for cannot call beautiful, from her head, which employing a tailor on my account. I had was deprived of its coif, for the benefit of not long been equipped in this manner when scratching with one hand, while she held the my lady's bell rung; upon which I ran up stump of a pen in the other. Her forehead stairs, and found her stalking about the room was high and wrinkled; her eyes were large, in her shift and under petticoat only. I grey, and prominent; her nose was long, would have immediately retired as became sharp, and aquiline; her mouth of vast capa- me, but she bade me come in, and air a clean city; her visage meagre and freckled, and shift for her; which operation I having perher chin peaked like a shoemaker's paring- formed with some backwardness, she put it knife; her upper-lip contained a large quan- on before me without any ceremony, and I tity of plain Spanish, which, by continual verily believe was ignorant of my sex all that ialling, had embroidered her neck, that was time, as being quite absorbed in contemplanot naturally very white; and the breast of tion. About four o'clock in the afternoon, I her gown, that flowed loose about her with was ordered to lay the cloth, and place two ai negligence truly poetic, discovering linen covers, which I understood were for my ihiat was very fine, and to all appearance mistress and her niece, whom I had not as ADVENTURES OF RODERICK RANDOM. 1i3 yet seen. Though I was not very dexterous spirits to undergo a fox-chase to-mrnorrow at this work, I performed it pretty well for a morning, in company with Sir Timothy beginner; and, when dinner was upon the Thicket, Squire Bumper, and a great many table, saw my mistress approach, accompa- other gentlemen of the same stamp, whom nied by the young lady, whose name for the he had invited on that occasion; so that by present shall be Narcissa. So much sweet- day-break the whole house would be in an ness appeared in the countenance and car- uproar. This was a very disagreeable piece riage of this amiable apparition, that my of news to the virtuoso, who protested she heart was captivated at first sight, and, while would stuff her ears with cotton when she dinner lasted, I gazed upon her without in- went to bed, and take a doze of opium to termission. Her age seemedtobe seventeen, make her sleep the more sound, that she her stature tall, her shape unexceptionable; might not be disturbed and distracted by the her hair, that fell down upon her ivory neck clamour of the brutes. in ringlets, black as jet; her arched eye- When their dinner was over, I and my brows of the same colour; her eyes piercing, fellow-servants sat down to ours in the yet tender; her lips of the consistence and kitchen, where I understood that Sir Timothy hue of cherries; her complexion clear, deli- Thicket was a wealthy knight in the neighcate, and healthy; her aspect noble, ingenu- bourhoodjbetween whom and Narcissa a ous, and humane; and the whole person so match had been projected by her brother, who ravishingly delightful, that it was impossible promised at the same time to espouse Sir for any creature endued with sensibility to Timothy's sister; by which means, as their see without admiring, and admire without fortunes were pretty equal, the young ladies loving her to excess. I began to curse the would be provided for, and their brothers servile station that placed me so far beneath be never the poorer; but that the ladies did the regard of this idol of my adoration; and not concur in the scheme, each of them enyet I blessed my fate, that enabled me to en- tertaining a hearty contempt for the person icqdaily the sight of so much perfection. allotted to her for a husband by this agree-,TVhen she spoke I listened with pleasure; ment. This information begat in me a but when she spoke to me, my soul was mortal aversion to Sir Timothy, whom I thrilled with an ecstasy of tumultuous joy. looked upon as my rival, and cursed in my I was even so happy as to be the subject of heart for his presumption. Next morning, their conversation; for Narcissa having ob- by day-break, being awakened by the noise served me, said to her aunt,-" I see your new of the hunters and hounds, I arose to view footman is come." Then addressing herself the cavalcade, and had a sight of my comto me, asked, with ineffable complacency, if petitor, whose accomplishments (the estate I was the person who had been so cruelly excluded) did not seem brilliant enough to used by robbers? Vhen I satisfied her in give me much uneasiness with respect to this, she expressed a desire of knowing the Narcissa, who, I flattered myself, was not other particulars of my fortune, both before to be won by such qualifications as he was and since my being shipwrecked. Hereupon master of, either as to person or mind. My (as Mrs Sagely had counselled me) I told mistress, notwithstanding her precaution, her that I had been bound apprentice to the was so much disturbed by her nephew's comn master of a ship, contrary to my inclination, pany, that she did not rise till five o'clock ili which ship had foundered at sea; that I and the afternoon; so that I had an opportunity four more, who chanced to be on deck when of examining her study at leisure, to which she went down, made shift to swim to the examination I was strongly prompted by my shore; when my companions, after having curiosity. Here I found a thousand scraps overpowered me, stript me to the shirt, and of her own poetry, consisting of three, four, left me, as they imagined, dead of the wounds ten, twelve, and twenty lines, on an infinity I received in my own defence. Then I re- of subjects, which, as whim inspired, she had lated the circumstances of my being found in begun, without constancy or capacity to bring a barn, with the inhuman treatment I met to any degree of composition; but, what was with from the country people and parson; very extraordinary in a female poet, there, the description of which, I perceived, drew was not the least mention made of love in tears from the charming creature's eyes. any of her performances. I counted fragWhen I had finished my recital, my mistress ments of five tragedies, the titles of which said,-"-', Ia foy! le garcon est bien fait!" were —" the Stern Philosopher-the Double To which opinion Narcissa assented with a Murder-the Sacrilegious Traitor-the Fall compliment to my understanding in the same ofLucifer-and the Last Day." From whence language, that flattered my vanity extremely. I gathered that her disposition was gloomy, The conversation, among other subjects, and her imagination delighted with objects of turned upon the young squire, whom my lady horror. Her library was composed of the inquired after under the title of the Savage; best English historians, poets, and philosoand was informed by her niece that he was phers; of all the French critics and poets: still in bed, repairing the fatigue of last and of a few books in Italian, chiefly poetry. night's debauch, and recruiting strength and at the head of which were Tasso and Ari. 4 H* 55* 114 SMOLLETT'S SELECT WORKS. osto, pretty much used. Besides these, trans- with the skins of two foxes and one badger, lations of'the classics into French, but not carried before them as trophies of their sucone book in Greek or Latin; a circumstance cess: and, when they were about to sit down that discovered her ignorance in these lan- to dinner (or supper), Sir Timothy Thicket guages. After having taken a full view of desired that Narcissa would honour the table this collection, I retired, and, at the usual with her presence; but this request, notwithtime, was preparing to lay the cloth, when I standing her brother's threats and intreaties, was told by the maid that her mistress was she refused, on pretence of attending her still in bed, and had been so affected with the aunt, who was indisposed; so I enjoyed the notes of the hounds in the morning, that she satisfaction of seeing my rival mortified. But actually believed herself a hare beset by the this disappointment made nogreat impression hunters, and begged a few greens to munch on him, who consoled himself with the bottle, for breakfast. When I expressed my sur- of which the whole company became so prise at this unaccountable imagination, she enamoured, that, after a most horrid uproar gave me to understand that her lady was very of laughing, singing, swearing, dancing, and much subject to. whims of this nature, some- fighting, they were all carried to bed in a times fancying herself an animal, sometimes state of utter oblivion. My, duty being altoa piece of furniture; during which#nceited gether detached from the squire and his transformations, it was very dangerous to family, I led a pretty easy and comfortable come near her, especially when she repre- life, drinking daily intoxicating draughts of sented a beast; for that lately, in the charac- love from the charms of Narcissa, which ter of a cat, she had flown at her, and brightened on my contemplation.every day scratched her face in a terrible manner: that, more and more. Inglorious as my present some months ago, she prophesied the general station was, I became. blind to my own unconflagration was at hand, and nothing would worthiness, and even conceived hopes of one be able to quench it but her water, which day enjoying this amiable creature, whose therefore she kept so long that her life was in affability greatly encouraged these presumedanger; and she must needs have died of the tuous thoughts. retention, had they not found an expedient to make her evacuate, by kindling a bonfire under her chamber window, and persuading CHAPTER XL. her that the house was in flames; upon which, with great deliberation, she bade them 3Iy mistress is surprised at my learning — bring all the tubs and vessels they could find, communicates her performances to meto be filled, for the preservation of the house, I impart some of mine to her-am mortiinto one of which she immediately discharged fled at her faint praise-Narcissa apthe cause of her distemper. I was also in- proves of my conduct-I gain an involformed, that nothing contributed so much to untary conquest over the cook-wench and the recovery of her reason as music, which dairy-maid-their mutual resentment and was always administered on those occasions insinuations-thejealousy of their lovers. by Narcissa, who played perfectly well on the harpsichord, and to whom she (the maid) DURING this season of love and tranquillity, was just then going to intimate her aunt's my muse, which had- lain dormant so long, disorder. She was no sooner gone, than I awoke, and produced several small performwas summoned by the bell to my lady's chain- ances. on the subject of my flame: but, as her, where I found her sitting squat. on her it concerned me nearly to remain undiscohams on the floor, in the manner of puss vered in.my realcharacter and sentiments, I when she listens to the outcries of her pur- was under a necessity of mortifying my desuers. When I appeared, she started up, sire of praise, by confining my works to my with an alarmed look, and sprung to the own perusal and applause. In the mean time other side of the room to avoid me, whom, I strove to insinuate myself into the good without doubt, she mistook for a beagle opinion of both ladies, and succeeded so well, thirsting after her life. Perceiving her ex- by my diligence, and dutiful behaviour, that treme confusion, I retired, and on the stair- in a little time I was at least a favourite sercase met the adorable Narcissa coming up, vant; and frequently enjoyed the pleasure of to whom I imparted the situation of my mis- hearing myself mentioned in French and tress. She said not a word, but, smiling with Italian, with some degree of warmth and surunspeakable grace, went into her aunt's prise,: by the dear object of all my wishes, as apartment, and in a little time my ears were a person who had so much of the gentleman ravished with the effects of her skill. She in my appearance and discourse, that she accompanied the instrument with a voice so could not for her soul treat me like a comsweet and melodious, that I did not wonder mon lackey. My prudence and modesty at the surprising change it produced on the were not long proof against these bewitching spirits of my mnistress, which were soon compliments. One day, while I waited at composed to peace and sober reflection. dinner, the conversation turned upon a knotty About seven o'clock the hunters arrived, passage of Tasso's Gierusalem, which it ADVENTURES OF RODERICK RANDOM. 115 seems had puzzled them both. After a great murder of a prince before the altar, where many unsatisfactory conjectures, my::mis- he is busy at his devotions. After the deed tress, taking the book out of her pocket,, is perpetrated, the regicide will harangue turned to the place in question, and read the the people with the bloody dagger in his hand; sentence over and over without success; at and I have already composed a speech, which length, despairing of finding the author's I think will suit the character extremelymeaning, she turned:tome, saying;-" Come here it is." Then taking up a scrap of hither, Bruno, let us see what fortune will do paper, she read with violent emphasis and for us; I will interpret to thee what- goes gesture as follows: before and what follows this obscure para- Thus have I sent the simple king to hell, graph, the particular words of which I1 will Wthout or coffin, shroud, or passing bell. also explain, that thou mayest, by comparing To me, what are divine and human laws! one with another, guess the sense of that I court no sanction but my own applause! which perplexes: us." I was too:vain to let Rapes,robberies,treasons,yield my soul delight; slip this opportunity of displaying my talents, And human carnage gratifies my sight. therefore, without hesitation,' read and ex-: I drag the parent by the hoary hair, plained the whole of that which hadi discon- And toss the sprawling infant on my spear, certed them, tothe utter astonishment of both. VWhile the fond mother's cries regale mine ear. Narcissa's face' and lovely neck were over- I fight, I vanquish, murder friends and foes; spread with blushes, from which I drew a Nor dare th' immortal gods my rage oppose. favourable omen, while her aunt, after having Though I did great violence to my understared at me a good while with a look of standing in praising this unnatural rhapsody, amazement, exclai:med,-" In the name of I nevertheless extolled it as a production that heaven, who art thou?" I told her I had of itself deserved immortal fame; and bepicked up a smattering of Italian during a sought her ladyship to bless the world with voyage up the Straits. At this explanation the fruits of those uncommon talents Heaven she shook her head, and observed, that no had bestowed upon her. She smiled with a smatterer could read as I had done. She then look of self-complacency, and, encouraged by desired to know if I understood French: to the incense I had offered, communicated all which question I answered in the affirmative. her poetical works, which I applauded one She asked if I was acquainted with theLatin by one, with as little candour as I had showie and Greek: I replied,-" A little." " Oho!" at first. Satiated with my flattery, which, I continued she, "and with philosophy and hope, my situation justified, she could not in mathematics, I suppose'l" I owned I knew conscience refuse me an opportunity of something of each. Then she repeated her shining in my turn; and therefore, after a stare and interrogation. I began to repent compliment to my nice discernment and taste, of my vanity, and, in order' to repair the observed, that doubtless I must. have produced fault I had committed; said, it was not to be something in that way myself, which she dewondered at if I had a tolerable education, sired to see. This was a temptation I could for learning was so cheap in my country, by no means resist. I owned, that, while I that every peasant was a scholar; but I hoped was at college, I wrote some small detached her ladyship would think my understanding pieces, at the desire of a friend who was in no exception to. my character. She was love; and at her request repeated the followpleased to answer,-" No, no, God forbid." ing verses, which indeed my love for Nar ing verses, which indeed my love for Nat. But during the rest- of the time they sat at cissa had inspired. table they behaved with remarkable reserve. This alteration gaveO me great uneasiness; ON C.ELLA,.PLAYING ON THE HAIrPSICORD ANP and I passed the night without sleep, in mel-SINGING. ancholy reflections on the vanity of young men, which' prompts them to commit so mnany foolish actions, contrary to their own When Sappho struck the quivering wire, soberjudgment. Next day, however, instead The throbbing' breast was. all on fire: of profiting by this self-condemnation, I And, when she raised the vocal lay, yielded still more to the dictates' of the prin- The captive soul was charmed away. ciple I had endeavoured to chastise; and if fortune had not befriended me more than IT. prudence could expect, I should have been But had the nymph possessed with these treated with the contempt it deserved. After Thy softer, chaster power to please, breakfast, my lady, who was'a true author, Thy beauteous air of sprightly youth, bade me follow her into the study, where she Thy native smiles of artless truth; expressed herself thus:-" Since you are so learned, you cannot be void of taste; there- 1I1. fore I am to desire your opinion of a small The worm of grief had never preyed performance in poetry, which. I lately corn- On the forsaken love-sick maid: posed. You must know I have planned a Nor had she mourned a hapless, flame, tragedy, the subject of which shall be the Nor dashed on rocks her tender frame.. 116 SMOLLETT'S SELECT WORKS. My mistress paid me a cold compliment on laid their heads together, in order to concert my versification, which she said was elegant a plan of revenge; and the former having enough, but the subject beneath the pen of a been educated at the academy of Tottenhamtrue poet. I whs extremely nettled at her court, undertook to challenge me to single indifference, and looked at Narcissa, wxho had combat. He accordingly, with many opproby this time joined us, for her approbation; but brious invectives, bade me defiance, and she declined giving her opinion, protesting offered to box me for twenty guineas. I told she was no judge of these matters: so that I him, that although I believed myself a match was forced to retire, very much balked in for him, even at that work, I would not demy expectation, which was generally a little scend so far below the dignity of a gentletoo sanguine. In the afternoon, however, man as to fight like a porter, but if he had the waiting-maid assured me that Narcissa any thing to say to me, I was his man at had expressed her approbation of my perform- blunderbuss, musket, pistol, sword, hatchet, ance with great warmth, and desired her to spit, cleaver, fork, or needle; nay, I swore, procure a copy of it, as for herself, that she that, should he give his tongue any more (Narcissa) might have an opportunity to saucy liberties at my expense, I would crop peruse it at pleasure. I was elated to an his ears without any ceremony. This rhoextravagant pitch at this intelligence, and domontade, delivered with a stern counteimmediately transcribed a fair copy of my nance and resolute tone, had the desired ode, which was carried to the dear charmer, effect upon my antagonist, who, with some' together with another on the same subject, confusion, sneaked off, and gave his friend as follows:- an account of his reception. The story I.. taking air among the servants, procured for Thy fatal shafts unerring move, me the title of Gentleman John, with which I bow before thire altar, Love? I was sometimes honoured, even by my misI feel thy soft resistless flame tress and Narcissa, who had been informed Glide swift through all my vital frame! of the whole affair by the chambermaid. In the mean time the rival queens expressed their passion by all the ways in their power; For, while I gaze, my bosom glows, the cook entertained me with choice bits, the My blood in tides impetuous flows; dairy-maid with stroakings. The first would Hope, Fear, and Joy alternate roll, often encouragemeto discovermyself by cornAnd floods of transport'whelm my soul! plimenting me upon my courage and learnIJI. ing, and observing, that if she had a husband My filtering tongue attempts in vain, like me, to maintain order, and keep acIn soothing murmurs to complain; counts, she could make a great deal of money My tongue some secret magic ties, by setting up an eating-house in London, for My murmurs sink in broken sighs! gentlemen's servants on board-wages. The other courted my affection by showing her IV. own importance, and telling me, that many Condemned to nurse eternal care, a substantial farmer in the neighbourhood And ever drop the silent tear; would be glad to marry her; but she was reUnheard I mourn, unknown I sigh, solved to please her eye, if she should plague Unfriended live, unpitied die! her heart. Then she would launch out into Whether or not Narcissa discovered my the praise of my proper' person, and say, she passion, I could not learn from her behaviour, was sure I would make a good husband, for vwhich, though always benevolent to me, was I was very good-natured. I began to be henceforth more reserved and less cheerful. uneasy at the importunities of these inamoWhile my thoughts aspired to a sphere so ratas, whom, at another time, perhaps, I far above me, I had unwittingly made a con- might have pleased without the disagreeable quest of the cook-wench and dairy-maid, sauce of matrimony; but at present my whole who became so jealous of each other, that, soul was engrossed by Narcissa, and I could if their sentiments had been refined by edu- not bear the thoughts of doing any thing decation, it is probable one or other of them rogatory of the passion I entertained for her. would have had recourse to poison or steel, to be avenged of her rival; but, as their ninds were happily adapted to their humble CHAPTER XLI. station, their mutual enmity was confined to scolding and fisty-cuffs, in which exercise Narcissa being in danger from the brutality tney were both well skilled. My good for- of Sir Timothy, is rescued by me, who tune did not long remain a secret; for it was revenge myself on my rival-I declare disclosed by the frequent broils of these he- my passion, and retreat to the sea-sideroines, who kept no decorum in their en- am surrounded by smugglers, and carcounters. The coachman and gardener, who ried to Boulogne —find my uncle, Lieupaid their devoirs to my admirers, each to tenant Bowling, in great distress, and his respective choice, alarmed at my success, relieve him-our conversation. ADVENTURES OF RODERICK RANDOM. 117 AT certain intervals, my ambition would not killed him, filled me with just apprehenrevive; I would despise myself for my tame sion of his resentment, which I found riyself resignation to my sordid fate, and revolve a in no condition to withstand; especially hundred schemes for assuming the character when I considered his intimacy with our of a gentleman, to which I thought myself squire, to whom I knew he could justify entitled by birth and education. In these himself for what he had done, by imputing it fruitless suggestions time stole away unper- to his love, and desiring his brother Bruin to ceived, and I had already remained eight take the same liberty with his sister, without months in the station of a footman, when an any fear of offence. When we arrived at accident happened that put an end to my the house, Narcissa assured me, she would servitude, and for the present banished all exert all her influence in protecting me from hopes of succeeding in my love. the revenge of Thicket, and likewise engage Narcissa went one day to visit Miss her aunt in my favour; at the same time, Thicket, who lived with her brother, within pulling out her purse, offered it as a small less than a mile of our house, and was per- consideration for the service I had done her. suaded to walk home in the cool of the But I stood too much upon the punctilios of evening, accompanied by Sir Timothy, who, love to incur the least suspicion of being having a good deal of the brute in him, was mercenary, and refused the present, by sayinstigated to use some unbecoming fami- ing, I had merited nothing by barely doing liarities with her, encouraged by the solita- my duty. She seemed astonished at my riness of a field through which they passed. disinterestedness, and blushed: I felt the same The lovely creature was incensed at his suffusion, and, with a downcast eye, and rude behaviour, for which she reproached broken accent, told her, I had one request to him, in such a manner, that he lost all regard make, which, if her generosity would grant, to decency, and actually offered violence to I should think myself fillly recompensed for this pattern of innocence and beauty. But an age of misery. She changed colour at Heaven would not suffer so much goodness this preamble, and, with great confiusion, to be violated; and sent me, who, passing by replied, she hoped my good sense would accident near the place, was alarmed with hinder me from asking any thing she was her cries, to her succour. What were the bound in honour to refuse, and therefore emotions of my soul when I beheld Narcissa, bade me signify my desire. Upon which I almost sinking beneath the brutal force of kneeled and begged to kiss her hand. She this satyr! I flew like lightning to her immediately, with an averted look, stretched rescue; and he, perceiving me, quitted his it out; and I imprinted on it an ardent kiss, prey, and drew his hanger to chastise my and, bathing it with my tears, cried —" Dear presumption. My indignation was too high madam, I am an unfortunate gentleman, and to admit one thought of fear; so that, rushing love you to distraction; but would have died upon him, I struck his weapon out of his a thousand deaths rather than make this hand, and used my cudgel so successfully, declaration under such a servile appearance, that he fell to the ground, and lay, to all were I not determined to yield to the rigour appearance, without sense. Then I turned of my fate, to fly from your bewitching preto Narcissa, who had swooned, and sitting sence, and bury my presumptuous passion in down by her, gently raised her head, and eternal silence." With these words I rose supported it on my bosom, while, with my and went away, before she could recover her hand around her waist, I kept her in that spirits so far as to make any reply. My position. My soul was thrilled with tumul- first care was to go and consult Mrs Sagely, tuous joy at feeling the object of my dearest with whom I had maintained a friendly corwishes within my arms: and while she lay respondence ever since I left her house. insensible, I could not refrain from applying When she understood my situation, the good my cheek to hers and ravishing a kiss. In woman, with real concern, condoled me on a little time, the blood began to revisit her my unhappy fate, and approved of my resoface; she opened her enchanting eyes, and lution to leave the country, as being perfectly having recollected her late situation, said, well acquainted with the barbarous disposition with a look full of tender acknowledgement- of my rival,-" who, by this time," said she, " Dear John, I am eternally obliged tJ you!" " has no doubt meditated a scheme of reSo saying, she made an effort to rise, in venge. Indeed I cannot see how you will which I assisted her, and she proceeded to be able to elude his vengeance; being himself the house, leaning upon me all the way. I in the commission, he will immediately grant was a thousand times tempted by this oppor- warrants for apprehending you; and as almost tunity to declare my passion, but the dread all the people in this country are dependent of disobliging her restrained my tongue. on him and his friend, it will be impossible We had not moved an hundred paces from for you to find shelter among them: if you the scene of her distress, when I perceived Sir should be apprehended, he will commit you Timothy rise and walk homeward; a circum- to jail, where you may possibly languish in stance, which, though it gave me some satis- great misery till the next assizes, and then faction, inasmuch as I thereby knew I had be transported for assaulting a magistrate." 118 SMOLLETT'S SELECT WORKS. While she thus warned me of my danger, precaution; for when we came within sight we heard a knocking at the door, which of the French shore, one of the smuugiers threw us both into great consternation, as, told me, I must pay for my passage. To in all probability, it was occasioned by my this declaration I replied, that my passage pursuers; whereupon this generous old lady, was none of my own seeking, therefore they putting two guineas into my hand, with tears could not expect a reward from me for transin her eyes, bade me, for God's sake, get out porting me into a strange country by force. at the back door, and consult my safety as " Damme!" said the outlaw, "none of your Providence should direct me. There was palaver; but let me see what money you have no time for deliberation. I -followed her, got.'? So saying, he thrust his hand into my advice, and escaped. by the:benefit of a dark pocket without any ceremony, and emptied night to the sea-side, where, while I rumi- it of the contents -then casting an eye at my nated on my next excursion, I was all of a hat and wig, which captivated his fancy, lie sudden surrounded by armed men, who, took them off, and clapping his own on my naving bound my hands and feet, bade me. head, declared that a. fair exchange was no make no noise, on pain of being shot, and robbery. I was fain to put up with the barcarried me on board of a vessel, which I gain, which was by no means favourable to soon perceived to be a smuggling cutter. me;. and a little while after we went all on This discovery gave me some satisfaction at shore together. first, because I considered myself safe from I resolved to take my leave of these desthe resentment of Sir Timothy: but when I peradoes without much ceremony, when one found myself in the hands of ruffians, who of them cautioned me against appearing to threatened to execute me for a spy, I would their prejudice, if ever I returned to England, have thought myself happily quit for a year's unless I had a mind to be murdered; for imprisonment, or even transportation. It which service, he assured me, the gang never was in vain for me to protest innocence: I wanted agents. I promised to observe his could not persuade them that I had taken a advice, and departed for the upper town, solitary walk to their haunt at such an hour, where Iinquired for a cabaret or public-house; merely for my own amusement; and I did into which[I went, with an intention of talking not think it my interest to disclose the true some refreshment. In the kitchen, five Dutch cause of my retreat, because I was afraid sailors sat at breakfast, with a large loaf, a they would have made their peace with justice, firkin of butter, and a keg of brandy, the bung by surrendering me to the, penalty of the law. of which they often applied to their mouths WVhat confirmed their suspicion was the with great perseverance and satisfaction. At appearance of a custom-house yacht, which some distance from them I perceived another gave them chase, and had well nigh made a person in the same garb, sitting in a pensive prize of the vessel; when they were delivered solitary manner, entertaining himself with a from their fears by a thick fog, which effec- whif of tobacco from the stump of a pipe as tually screened them, and favoured their black as jet. The appearance of distress arrival at Boulogne. But before they had never failed to attract my regard and comgot out of sight of their pursuer, they held a passion; I approached this forlorn tar with a council or war about me; and some of the view to offer him my assistance; and, notmost ferocious among them would have withstanding the alteration of dress, and disthrown me overboard, as a traitor who had guise of a long beard, I discovered in him my betrayed them to their enemies; but others, long lost and lamented uncle and benefactor, more considerate, alleged, that, if they put Lieutenant Bowling! Good Heaven! what me to death, and should afterwards be taken, were the agitations of my soul, between the they could expect no mercy from the legis- joy of finding again such a valuable friend, lature, which would never pardon outlawry and the sorrow of seeing him in such a low aggravated by murder. It was therefore condition! The tears gushed down my determined, by a plurality of votes, that I cheeks; I stood motionless and silent for should be set on shore in France, and left to some time; at length, recovering the use of find rny passage back to England as I should, speech, exclaimed,-" Gracious God! Mt think proper, this being punishment sufficient Bowling." Myuncleno soonerheardhisname fobr the bare suspicion of a crime in itself not' mentioned, than he started up, crying, with capital. Although this favourable determi- some surprise,-" Holla!" and after having nation gave me great pleasure, the apprehen- looked at me steadfastly without being able sion of being robbed would not suffer me to to recollect me, said,-" Did you call me, be perfectly at ease. -To prevent this calamity, brother?" I told him I.had something extraas soon as I was untied, in consequence - of ordinary to communicate, and desired him to the foresaid decision, I tore a small hole in give me the hearing for a few minutes in one of my stockings, into which I dropped another room: but he would by no means con. six guineas, reserving half a piece and some sent to this proposal, saying,-" Avast there, silver in my pocket, that, finding something, friend; none of your tricks upon travellers: they might not be tempted to make any if you have any thing to say to me, do it further inquiry. This was a very necessary above board: you need not be afraid of being ADVENTURES OF RODERICK RANDOM. 119 overheard; here are none who understand having but little money when I came ashore, our lingo." Though I was loth to discover it Was soon spent, because I let them have myself before company, I could no longer re- share and share while it lasted. Howsoinfrain from telling him I was his own nephew, ever, I should have remembered the old sayRoderick Random. On this information, he ing, every hog his own apple: for when they considered me with great earnestness and found'my hold unstowed, they went all hands astonishment, and, recalling my features, to shooling and begging; and because I would which, though enlarged, were not entirely not take a spell at the same duty, refused to altered since he had seen me, came up, and give me the least assistance; so that I have shook me by the hand very cordially, pro- not broken bread these two days." I was testing he was glad to see me well. After shocked at the extremity of his distress, and some pause he went on thus: —" And yet, my'ordered some bread, cheese, and wine, to be lad, I am sorry to see you under such colours; brought immediately, to allay his hunger, the more so, as it is not in my power, at until a fricassee of chickens could be prepresent, to change them for the better, times pared. When he had recruited his spirits being very hard with me." With these words, with this homely fare, I desired to know the I could perceive a tear trickle down his -fur- particulars of his peregrination since the acrowed cheeks, which affected me so much, cident at Cape Tiberoon: which were briefly that I wept bitterly. Inmagining my sorrow these. The money he had about him being was the effect of my own misfortune, he all spent at Port Louis, the civility and hoscomforted me, with observing that life was a pitality of the French cooled to such a devoyage in which we must expect to meet gree, that he was obliged to list on board one with all weathers; sometimes it was calm, of their king's ships as a common fore-mast sometimes rough; that a fair gale often suc- man, to prevent himself from starving on ceeded a storm; that the wind did not always shore. In this situation -he continued two sit one way, andthatdespairsignifiednothing; years, during which time he had acquired but that resolution and skill were better than some knowledge of their language, and the a stout vessel; for why? because they require reputation of a good seaman: the ship he ino carpenter, and grow stronger the more belonged to was ordered home to France, labour they undergo. I dried up my tears, where she was laid up as unfit for service, which I assured him were not shed for my and he was received on board of one of Monown distress, but for his, and begged leave to sieur D'Antin's squadron, in quality of quarteraccompany him to another room, where we master, which office he performed in a voyage could converse more at our ease. There I to the West Indies, where they engaged with recounted to him the ungenerous usage I had our ship as before related; but his conscience met with from Potion; at which relation he upbraiding him for serving the enemies of his started up, stalked across the room three or country, he quitted the ship at the same place four times in a great hurry, and, grasping his where he first listed, and got to Curacoa, in cudgel, cried —" I would I were alongside of a Dutch vessel; there he bargained Nwith a hini-that's all-I would I were alongside of skipper bound to Europe, to work for his him!" I then gave him a detail of all my passage to Holland, from whence he was in adventures and sufferings, which affected him hopes of hearing from his friefids in England; more than I could have imagined; and con- but was cast away, as he mentioned before, eluded with telling him that Captain Oakum on the French coast, and must have been was still alive, and that he might return to reduced to the necessity;of travelling ont foot England when he would to solicit his affairs, to Holland, and begging for his'subsistence without danger or molestation. He was on the road, or of entering on board of wonderfully pleased with this piece of infor- another French man of war, at the hazard of mation, of which, however, he said he could being treated as a deserter, if Providence not at present avail himself, for want of had not sent me to his succour. —" And now, money to pay for his passage to London. my lad," continued he, "I think I shall steec This objection I soon removed,'by putting my course directly to London, where I do five guineas into his hand, and telling him, I not doubt of being replaced, and of havino thought myself extremely happy in having an the R.taken off me by the lords of the admiopportunity of manifesting my gratitude to ralty, to whom I intend to write a petition him in his necessity. But it was with the' setting forth my case. If I succeed, I shall utmost difficulty I could prevail upon him to have wherewithal to give you some assisaccept of two, which he affirmed were more tance, because, when I left the ship, I had than sufficient to defray the necessary ex- two years pay due to me; therefore I desire pense. After this friendly contest was over, to know whither you are bound; and besides. he proposed we should have a mess of some- perhaps I may have interest enough to prothing; "For," said he,'"it has been banyan- cure a warrant appointing you surgeon's day with me a great while. You must know, mate of the ship to which I shall belong; for I was shipwrecked five days ago, near a place the beadle of the admiralty is my good friend, called Lisieux, in company with those Dutch- and he and one of the under clerks are sworn men who are now drinking below; and brothers, and that under clerk has a good 120 SMOLLETT'S SELECT WORKS. deal to say with one of the upper clerks, who the mean time, we sauntered about the town is very well known to the under secretary, to satisfy our curiosity, our conversation who, upon his recommendation, I hope, will turning on the subject of my designs, which recommend my affair to the first secretary, were not as yet fixed: neither can it be sup and he again will speak to one of the lords posed that my mind was at ease, when I in my behalf; so that you see I do not want found myself reduced almost to extreme pov friends to assist me on occasion. As for the erty in the midst of foreigners, among whom fellow Crampley, tho'f I know him not, I am I had not one acquaintance to advise and sure he is neither seaman nor officer, by what befriend me. My uncle was sensible of my you have told me, or else he could never be forlorn condition, and pressed me to accomso much mistaken in his reckoning, as to run pany him to England, where he did not doubt the ship on shore on the coast of Sussex, of finding some sort of provision for me: but, before he believed himself in soundings; besides the other reasons I had for avoiding neither, when that accident happened, would that kingdom, I looked upon it at this tine as he have left the ship until she had been stove the worst country in the universe for a poor to pieces, especially when the tide was honest man to live in, and therefore determaking; wherefore, by this time, I do sup- mined to remain in France at all events. I pose he has been tried by a court-martial and was confirmed in this resolution by a reverexecuted for his cowardice and misconduct." end priest, who, passing by at this time, and I could not help smiling at the description of overhearing us speak English, accosted us in my uncle's ladder, by which he proposed to the same language, telling us he was our climb to the attention of the board of admi- countryman, and wishing it might be in his ralty; and though I knew the world too well power to do us any service. WTe thanked to confide in such dependence myself, I this grave person for his courteous offer, and would not discourage him with doubts, but invited him to drink a glass with us, which asked if he had no friend in London who he did not think proper to refuse, and we would advance a small sum of money to ena- went altogether into a tavern of his recomble him to appear as he ought, and make a mending. After having drank to our healths small present to the under secretary, who in a bumper of good Burgundy, he began to might possibly dispatch his business the inquire into our situation, particularly the sooner on that account. He scratched his place of our nativity; which we no sooner head, and, after some recollection, replied,- named, than he started up, and, wringing our " Why, yes, I believe Daniel Whipcord, the hands with great fervour, shed a flood of ship-chandler in Wapping, would not refuse tears, crying,-" I come from the same part me such a small matter. I know I can have of the country! perhaps you are my own what credit I want, for lodging, liquor, and relations." I was on my guard against his clothes; but as to money I wont be positive: caresses, which I suspected very much, when had honest Block been living, I should not I remembered the adventure of the moneyhave been at a loss." I was heartily sorry dropper; but, without any appearance of difto find a worthy man so destitute of friends, fidence, observed, that, as he was born in that when he had such need of them; and looked part of the country, he must certainly know upon my own situation as less miserable than our family, which (howsoever mean our his, because I was better acquainted with the present appearance might be) was none of selfishness and roguery of mankind, conse- the most obscure or inconsiderable. Then quently less liable to disappointment and I discovered our names, to which I found he imposition. was no stranger. HIe had known my grandfather personally; and notwithstanding an absence of fifty years from Scotland, reCHAPTER XLII. counted so many particulars of the families in the neighbourhood, that my scruples were He takes his passage in a cutter for Deal- entirely removed, and I thought myself happy we are accosted by a priest, who proves in his acquaintance. In the course of our to be a Scotchman-his profession of conversation, I disclosed my condition withfriendship-he is affronted by the lieuten- out reserve, and displayed my talents to such ant, who afterwards appeases him by advantage, that the old father looked upon submission-my uncle embarks-I am in- me with admiration, and assured me, that if troduced by a priest to a capuchin, in I staid in France, and listened to reason, I whose company I set out for Paris-the could not fail of making my fortune, to which character of my fellow-traveller-an ad- he would contribute all in his power. venture on the road-I am shocked at My uncle began to be jealous of the priest's his behaviour. insinuation, and very abruptly declared that, if ever I should renounce my religion, he WHEN our repast was ended, we walked would break off all connection and corresdown to the harbour, where we found a cut. pondence with me; for it was his opinion, ter that was to sail for Deal in the evening, that no honest man would swerve from the and Mr Bowling agreed for his passage: in principles in which he was bred, whethe ADVENTURES OF RODERICK RANDOM. 121 Turkish, Protestant, or Roman. The father, out to my advantage, and therefore resolved affronted at this declaration, with great ve- to cultivate it as much I could. With this hemence began a long discourse, setting forth view, we visited him at his convent, accordthe danger of obstinacy, and shutting one's ing to his invitation, where he treated us eyes against the light. He said, that igno- with wine and sweetmeats, and showed us rance would be no plea towards justification, every thing that was remarkable in the monwhen we had opportunities of being better astery. Having been thus entertained, we informed; and that, if the minds of people took our leave, though not before I had prohad not been open to conviction, the Chris- mised to see him next day; and the time fixed tian religion could not have been propagated for my uncle's embarking being come, I acin the world, and we should now be in a state companied him to the harbour, and saw himn of pagan darkness and barbarity. He en- on board. We parted not without tears, deavoured to prove, by some texts of scrip- after we had embraced, and wished one ture, and many quotations from the fathers, another all manner of prosperity; and he enthat the pope was the successor of St Peter, treated me to write to him often, directing to and vicar of Jesus Christ; that the Church Lieutenant Bowling, at the sign of the Union of Rome was the true holy catholic church; flag, near the Hermitage, London. and that the protestant faith was an impious I returned to the house in which we had heresy and damnable schism, by which many met, where I passed the night in a very solimillions of souls would suffer everlasting tary manner, reflecting on the severity of my perdition. When he had finished his ser- fate, and endeavouring to project some likely mon, which I thought he pronounced with scheme of life for the future; but my invenmore zeal than discretion, he addressed him- tion failed me; I saw nothing but insurself to my uncle, and desired to know his mountable difficulties in my way, and was objections to what had been said. The lieu- ready to despair at the miserable prospect. tenant, whose attention had been wholly en- That I might not, however, neglect any grossed by his own affairs; took the pipe out probable means, I got up in the morning, and of his mouth, and replied,-" As for me, went directly to the father, whose advice and friend, d'ye see, I have no objection to what assistance I implored. He received me very you say; it may be either true or false for kindly, and gave me to understand that there what I know; I meddle with niobody's affairs was one way of life in which a person of my but my own; the gunner to his linstock, and talents could not fail of making a great figure. the steersman to the helm, as the saying is. I guessed his meaning, and told him once for I trust to no creed but the compass, and do all, I was fully determined against any alterunto every rnan as I would be done by; so ation in point of religion; therefore, if his that I defy the pope, the devil, and the pre- proposal regarded the church, he might save tender, and t-hope to be saved as well as himself the trouble of explaining it. He another." This association of persons gave shook his head, and sighed, saying,-" Ah! great offence to the friar, who protested, in son, son, what a glorious prospect is here a mighty passion, that, if Mr Bowling had not spoiled by your stubborn prejudice! Suffer been his countryman, he would have caused yourself to be persuaded by reason, and conhim to be imprisoned for his insolence. I sult your temporal welfare as well as the ventured to disapprove of my uncle's rash- concerns of your eternal soul. I can by my ness, and appeased the old gentleman by as- interest procure your admission as a novisuring him there was no offence intended by: ciate into this convent, where I will superinmy kinsman, who, by this time, sensible of tend and direct you with a truly paternal his error, shook the injured party by the affection." Then he launched out into the hand, and asked pardon for the freedom he' praises of a monastic life, which no noise had taken. Matters being amicably compro- disturbs, no cares molest, and no danger in.. mised, he invited us to' come and see him in vades, where the heart is weaned from car.. the afternoon at the convent to which he be- nal attachments, the grosser appetites sublonged, and took his leave for the present; dued and chastised, and the soul wafted to when my uncle recommended it strongly to divine regions of philosophy and truth on the me to persevere in the religion of my fore- wings of studious contemplation. But his fathers, whatever advantages I might propose eloquence was lost upon me, whom two conto myself by a change, which could' not fail siderations enabled to withstand his temptaof disgracing myself, and dishonouring- my tions, namely, my promise to my uncle, and family. I assured: him no consideration my aversion to an ecclesiastical life; for, as to should induce me to forfeit his friendship the difference of religion, I looked upon it as: and good opinion on that score'; at which a thing of too small moment to come in corn assurance he discovered great satisfaction, petition with a man's fortune. Finding me and put me in mind of dinner, which we im- immovable on this head, he told me he was mediately bespoke, and, when it was ready, more sorry than offended at my non-coumpliate together. ance, and still ready to employ his good I imagined my acquaintance with the Scot- offices in my behalf. "The same erroneous tish priest, if properly managed, might turn maxims," said he, "that obstruct your 4 I* 56 122 SMOLLETT'S SELECT WORKS. promotion in the church, will infallibly pre- of my bed to a pretty maid who had a tendre vent your advancement in the army; but if for me? I must own, to my shame, that I you can brook the condition of a servant, I suffered myself to be overcome by mypassion, am acquainted with some people of rank at and with great eagerness seized the occasion, Versailles, to whom I can give you letters of when I understood that the amiable Nanette recommendation, that you maybe entertained was to be my bed-fellow. In vain did my by some one of them in quality of maitre reason suggest the respect that I owed dt1'hotel; and I do not doubt that your quali- to my dear mistress Narcissa; the idea of fications will soon entitle you to better pro- that lovely charmer rather increased than vision." I embraced his offer with great allayed the ferment of my spirits; and the earnestness; and he appointed me to come young paysanne had no reason to complain back in the afternoon, when he would not of my remembrance. Early in the morning only give me letters, but likewise intro- the kind creatures left us to our repose, dauce mne to a capuchin of his acquaintance, which lasted till eight o'clock, when we got who intended to set out for Paris next morn- up, and were treated at breakfast with chocoing, in whose company I might travel, with- late and l'eau de vie by our paramours, of out being at the expense of one livre during whom we took a tender leave, after my tile whole journey. This piece of good news companion had confessed and given them gave me infinite pleasure; I acknowledged absolution. While we proceeded on our my obligation to the benevolent father in the journey, the conversation turned upon the most grateful expressions; and he performed night's adventure, being introduced by the his promise to a tittle, in delivering the capuchin, who asked me how I liked my letters, and making me acquainted with the lodging. I declared my satisfaction, and capuchin, with whom I departed next morn- talked in rapture of the agreeable Nanette; ing by break of day. at which he shook his head, and, smiling, It was not long before I discovered my said, she was a morceau pour la bonne fellow-traveller to be a merry facetious fellow, bouche. " I never valued myself," continued who, notwithstanding his profession and ap- he, " upon any thing so much as the conquest pearance of mortification, loved good eating of Nanette; and, vanity apart, I have been and drinking better than his rosary, and pretty fortunate in my amours." This inforpaid more adoration to a pretty girl than to mation shocked me not a little, as I was well the Virgin Mary or St Genevieve. He was convinced of his intimacy with her sister; a thick brawny young man, with red eye- and though I did not care to tax him with brows, a hook nose, a face covered with downright incest, I professed my astonishfreckles; and his name was Frere Balthazar. ment at his last night's choice, when, I Hiis order did not permit him to wear linen, supposed, the other was.at his devotion. so that, having little occasion to undress To this hint he answered,;that- besides his himself, he was none of the cleanliest ani- natural complaisance to the sex, he had mals in the world; and his constitution was another reason for distributing his favours naturally so strongly scented, that I always equally between them, namely, to preserve thought it convenient to keep to the wind- peace in the family, which could not otherward of him in our march. As he was per- wise be maintained; that, moreover, Nanette fectly well known on the road, we fared had conceived an affection for me, and lie sumptuouslywithout any cost: and the fatigue loved her too well to balk her inclination, of our journey was much alleviated by the more especially when he had an opportunity good humour of my companion, who sung an of obliging his friend at the same time. I infinite number of catches on the subjects of thanked him forthis instance of his friendship, love and wine. We took up our lodging the though I was -extremely disgusted at his first night at a peasant's house not far from want of delicacy, and cursed the occasion Abbeville, where we were entertained with that threw me in his way. Libertine as I an excellent ragout, cooked by our landlord's was, I could not bear to see a man behave so daughters, one of whonl was very handsome. wide of the character he assumed. I looked After having eaten heartily, and drank a upon him as a person of very little worth or sufficient quantity of small wine, we were honesty, and should have even kept a wary conducted to a barn, where we found a couple eye upon my pocket, if I had thought he could of carpets spread upon clean straw for our have any temptation to steal. But I could reception. We had not lain in this situation not conceive the use of money to a capuchin, above half an hour, when we heard somebody who is obliged, by the rules of his order, to knock softly at the door, upon which Baltha- appear like a beggar, and enjoys all other zar got up, and let in our host's two daughters, necessaries of life gratis: besides, my fellowwho wanted to have some private conversation traveller seemed to be of a complexion too with him in the dark. When they had careless and sanguine to give me any apprewhispered together some time, the capuchin hension on that score; so that I proceeded came to me, and asked if I was insensible to with great confidence, in expectation of being love, and so hard-hearted as to refuse a sha'e soon at my journey's end. ADVENTURES OF RODERICK RANDOM. 123 While I stood in the porch, forlorn and CHAPTER XLIII. undetermined, venting ejaculations of curses against the thief who robbed me, and the old We lodge at a house near Amiens, where I priest who recommended him to my friendam robbed by the capuchin, who escapes ship, a young gentleman, richly dressed, while I am asleep-I go to Noyos' in attended by a valet-de-chambre and two sersearch of him, but without success-make vants in livery, arrived at the inn. I thought my condition known to several people, I perceived a great deal of sweetness and but find no relief-grow desperate-join good-nature in his countenance; therefore a company of soldiers-enlist in the regi- he had no sooner alighted than I accosted menrt of Picardy-we are ordered into him, and, in a few words, explained my Germany-I find the fatigues of the situation. He listened with great politeness, march almost intolerable-quarrel with and, when I had nlade an end of' my story, my comrade in a dispute about politics said,-" Well, Monsieur, what would you -he challenges me to the field, wounds have me to do?" I was effectually abashed and disarms me. at this interrogation, which I believe no man of common sense or generosity could make, THE third night of our pilgrimage we passed and made no other reply than a low bow.. at a house near Amiens, where Balthazar He returned the compliment still lower, and being unknown, we supped upon indifferent tript into an apartment, while the landlord' fare, and sour wine, and were fain to lie in let me know, that my standing there to a garret, upon an old mattrass, which, I interrupt company gave offence, and might' believe, had been in the possession of ten do him infinite prejudice. He had no occathousand myriads of fleas, time out of mind. sion to repeat his insinuation; I moved from We did not invade their territory with the place immediately; and was so much impunity: in less than a minute we were transported with grief, anger, and disdain, attacked by stings innumerable; in spite of that a torrent of blood gushed from my noswhich, however, we fell fast asleep, being trils. In this ecstasy, I quitted Noyons, and excessively fatigued with our day's march, betook myself to the fields, where I wandered and did not awake till near nine next morn- about like one distracted, till my spirits were ing; when seeing myself alone, I started up quite exhausted, and I was obliged to throw in a terrible fright, and examining my pockets, myself down at the root of a tree, to rest my found my presaging fear too true. My wearied limbs. Here my rage forsook me; companion had made free with my cash, and I began to feel the importunate cravings of left me to seek my way to Paris by myself. nature, and relapsed into silent sorrow and I ran down star's immediately, and, with a melancholy reflection. I revolved' all the look full of griefl and amazement, inquired crimes I had been guilty of, and found them for the mendicant, who, they gave me to so few and venial, that I could not compreunderstand, had set out four'hours before, hend the justice of that Providence, which, after having told them I was a little indis- after having exposed me to so much wretchposed, and'desired I might not be disturbed, edness and danger, left me a prey to famine but be informed when I should wake that he *at last in a foreign country, where I had not had taken the road to Noyons, where he one friend or acquaintance to close my eyes, should wait for my coming at the Coq d'Or. I and do the last offices of humanity to my spoke not a word, but with a heavy heart miserable carcass. A thousand times I directed my course to that place, at which I wished myself a bear, that I might retreat arrived in the afternoon, fainfting with weari- to woods and deserts, far from the inhospiness and hunger; but le'arned, to my utter table haunts of man, where I could live by confusion, that no such person had been there.' my own talents, independent of treacherous it was happy for me that I had a good deal friends and supercilious scorn. of resentment in my constitution, which ani- As I lay in this manner groaningover my mated me on such occasions against the hapless fate, I heard the sound of a violin, villainy of mankind, and enabled me to bear and, raising my head, perceived a company misfortunes otherwise intolerable'. Boiling of men and women dancing on' the grass at with indignation, I discovered to the host my some distance from me. I looked upon this deplorable condition, and inveighed with to be a favourable season for distress to great bitterness against the treachery of attract compassion, when every selfish Balthazar; at which he shrugged up his thought is banished, and the heart dilated shoulders, and, with a peculiar grimace in with mirth and social joy; wherefore I got his countenance, said,' he was sorry for my up and approached those. happy people, misfortune; but there was no remedy like whom I soon discovered to be a party of patience. At that instant some guests soldiers, with their wives-and children, unt arrived, to whom he hastened to offer his bending and diverting themselves at this service, leaving me mortified at his indiffer- rate, after the fatigue of a march.; I had ence,- and fully persuaded that an innkeeper never before seen such a parcel of scare. is the same sordid animal all the world over. crows together; neither could I reconcile 124~ ~ SMOLLETT'S SELECT WORKS. their meagre gaunt looks, their squalid and and I proceeded in the utmost torture. This iagged attire, an every other external symp, misfortune I owed to the plumpness of my torin of extremef woe, With his alpe arance of constitution, which I cursed, and envied the festivity. I saliutedtlthenhoweever, and ws. withered condition of my comrades, whose received with great politeness; after which bodies could not spare juice enough to supply they formed a ring, and danced around me. a common issue, and were indeed proof This jollity had a wonderful effect.'upn my again'st tall manne~r of friction. The continual sp't Ias Iwinfe~ctetd wi~th theige, p]eirt gaai~ertyand pa feltad me fretful; and my peevishs in: spite of my dIsmal situation,Iforgot my ness was increased by the mortification of cares, and joined~' in the~ir extrav.agance. my pride, in seeing thse miserable wretches, Wlhen we:. had recreated oursel::es a. gopd whom a' hard gale of wind would have scatwhile at this. diverswion" the ladies'. s:pead tered through. the ai i like chaff, bear those their manteaus on the ground, upon: which' toils with alacrity, under which I was ready they emptied.theii knapseks of someoioins, to'-sink. coarse'a bieat, and., a fe flasks of poor w in, Oine. day, while e eenjoyed a halt, and the Being invlted to a share of the banquet, I sat soldiers with their wives had gon out to down:with the:rest, andin the. whole cours'e dance, according to custom, nmy comrade of my'. ii'fe' n'ever, made a mopre comfortable staid at home.with me on pretence of f-iendmeal. When. our repast was ended, we got ship, and insulted me with his pity and conup again to'.d ance; and now th at I'fo.und solation, He told me, though. I. was young py8self, refrfeshed I beha;ved t'o the admiratiobn and' tender at preseqrt,'I would soon be of every b ody;, i wasiloaded with athdusanid s{eas oed to t!e serviee; and' he did not empilim, ents and prnfessions of -iendship, doub.t buit. i should haye the, honour to eonT'he men! commendfd my person and agility;' tribute i i.sone measu're t tthe, glory of the andl the Wmomen~ wer~e~~ ioeud. in- praise. f my king ".Have courage, therefre, my child," 6onnegra,e: th" nserjea'nt, "i pai'ticular, said'.be, i,"and prayto. God', that you may be expressed so much' regard'for"mand'de a a'happy as I am, Who have had the honour scribed the pleasiures of. a soldier's lifewih tho osrvn Lewis the Great and f receiving so much art; that I: begahn t'' listen'to his many: wounds " in helping to'estabiish ihi proposal: of enlistinff me inthe service; and glory When Ilooked.upon the contemptithe more I considered my own: condition, ble object that, pronounced these w.ords, I the more I was'eonvinced of the: nfcessi sa ed at te i uation that. possessed was under tocome to' a speedydetermination. him ad could not help expressing my Hfaving therefore maturely' wheg the''cir- astnishment' at the absurdity of a. rational cumstaaces. pro and con, signified my being, wbho thinks' himself highly hono ured consent, and. was. admitted ilnto the'regiment in being permoitted'tO enounter abject of Pica'rdy, said t0 be the oldeIst corpstin pvei-ty, oppression, fainiae, dlsease, mutilaEurope. The'company to which this corn, tion, an evident death, merely to gratify mand belonged was quartered ata. villag9e, not ther vicious mnbition of a prince, by whom fakr'off,:whither we. mrche4 next. day, and., s.'hi sufferlgs, were, disregarded, and his was,pre tefteato my' captain,'who seemed e: vryi name utterly: [inknqwn.: I.observed, that, if wel!pieased. wit my appearpannce, gave me' a his "situation was.the consequence of comcrown,to odink, and o'rdered mee to be accom- pulsin I' would praise his patience and mtodated withi Clthes' arm, and. accoutre fortitue in bearing:his lot; if'he had taken ients.[ Then Isoldm'v ivexy.suit, purchased, up arms indefee of his injured country, he ~inen; and,' as I was at. great,pains, to:learn was. to. beappauded l' for his patriotism; or, the,exercise, in,' a, vr sort tim becae if he had fled, to this' way.ofi life as a refuge. complee, e soldier from. a greater evil, he was justifiable in his: It was not 10ng before we receivedorders. own.coscence (thugh I.couild have no0 to.join several m9re regi, ents, and; march' nntin of'misey- e mr'te extreme athan that he with all expedition into. Germgny, " in order spfere~d); bu to pt u his. 5fidition on the to reinfore dMrh duc de Noalles,,who foiotingof, conducing t. the' glory of his w.as thent enpamped.- with. his army on the p amncew no molre than professing himself side of.the. ryer'Mayne,. to watch.t th mointionS a; desperatheslave, who'.oiuntarily underwent' of:the En hglish, Hanoverianas,. Ausr ns anA theu.utmoPstt-wretcied,ness:adperil, and comHessians, under the.commpA dQf the Earl of m~ttad the mqst- fagrnt crimes, to, soothe Stair.. We begap. our march: accrdingly, the barbarou pride o'f,a feilow-creatue,. his. tiid.: then, I, became,.' acqualinted- with that. superiosr in'n,.tbi'. but tihe epgwer he,.derived part. of, solier's life to wi -hieh. I h lbee n. f i siom, t heSb ii of,' surch. wretwchtesb as. part ~~~~~~.,~~~~~ pl~~~~ I had,.~~~~~beq~ frm. the su_!ii ~.~.I hilthert' ~ a,.~'str'angi.;"'r'. 1t:' isq~ i:~p csiiiet...... soii e Ws ee..... hi~thertq a,, strang I~t is li~pssi~ble to him. The: sodr was!vry mv ch affronted describe the'hunger and thirt, I sustained;, at the liberty.I.ook with. his king, which he and..the fatigq e, I -underweqnht in, a. march of, said:nothing'but my ignorance could excuse., sq, many hunred m ieS;dping whichA I Wa. He a ffir med', that.the: chl racters of prince so.manh chadfed Twith.the,,heat and, motion.c.f Were'sacred, aPd,. ougt' not.to be, profpQd, my limbs, thpt:in. a veryshbrt time the inside by, the censure of their subjects,, who,. were.. of, my thighs andJ!egs,. ere, deprived of skin, bound, by their allegiance to obey their comn ADVENTURES OF RODERICK RANDOM. 125 mands, of what nature soever, without occasion-I industriously seek'another) scruple or repining; and advised me to combat with the old Giscon, and vanquish correct the rebellious principles I had irn- him in my turn-our regiment is put into bibed among the English, who, for their winter-quarters at Rheims, where I find insolence to their kings, were notorious all my friend Strap -our recognition he over the world, even to a proverb. supplies me with money, and procures In vindication of my countrymen, I re- my discharge-we take a trip to Paris; peated all the arguments commonly used to from whence, by tlie way of Flanders, we prove that every man has a natural right to set out for London, where we safely liberty; that allegiance and protection are arrive. reciprocal; that, when the mutual tie is broken by the tyranny of the king, he is ac- vHu'was disconcerted at this declaration, to countable to the people for his breach of which he made no reply, but repaired to the contract, and subject to tlie penalty of the dancers, among whom he recounted his viclaw; and that those insurrections of the tory, with many exaggerations and gasconEnglish, which are branded with the name ades, while I, taking up my sword, went to of rebellion by the slaves of arbitrary poxwer, my quarters, and examined my wound, which were no other than glorious efforts to rescue I found was of no consequence. The same that independence, which was their birth- day, an Irish drummer, having heard of my right, from the ravenous claws of usurping misfortune, visited me, and, after having ambition. The Frenchman, provoked atthe condoled me on the chance:of war, gave me little deference I paid to the kingly name, to understand, that he was master of the lost all patience, and reproached me in such sword, and would, in a very ~short time, a manner, that my temper forsook me, and I instruct me so thorou0ghlly in that noble clenched my fist, with an intention to give science, that I should 1be able to chastise the him a hearty box on the ear. Perceiving my old Gascon for his insolent boasting at my design, he started back, and demanded a expense. This friendly office he proffered, parley; upon which I checked my indigna- on pretence of the regard he had for his tion, and he gave me to understand that a countryman; but I afterwaids learned the Frenchman never forgave a blow; therefore, true motive was ino other than a jealousy he if I was not weary of my life, I would do well entertained of a corriespofidenceb between the to spare him that mortification, and. do him Frenchmahi and his'wife, which he did not the honour of measuring my sword with his, think proper to resent in person. Be this as like a gentleman. I took his advice, and it will, I accepted his offer, and practised his followed him to a field hard by, where indeed lessons with such application, that I soon I was ashamed at the pitiful figure of my believed myself a match for mny conqueror. antagonist, who was a poor, little, shivering In the mean time, we continued our march, creature, decrepid with age, and blind of one and arrived at the camp of Mareschal eye. But I soon found the folly of judging Noailles, the night before the battle of Detfrom appearances, being at the second pass tingen. Notwithstanding the fatigue we wounded inthe swordhand, and immediately had undergone, our regiment was one of disarmed with such a jerk, that I thought the those that weire ordered next day to cross joint was dislocated. I was no less con- the river, under the cdornmand of the Duc de founded than enraged at this event, especially Gramont, to take possession of a narrow as my adversary did not bear his success with defile, through which the allies must of all the moderation that might have been necessity have passed at a great disadvantage, expected; for he insisted upon my asking or remain where they were, ahnd perish for pardon for affronting his king and him. want of provision, if they would not condeThis proposal I would by no means comply scend to surrender at discretion. How they with, but told him it was a mean condescen- suffered themselves to be pent up in this sion, which no gentleman in his circumstan- manner, it is not nmy province to relate: I ces ought to propose, nor any in nay situation shall only observe, that, when we had taken ought to perform; and tbat, if he persisted in possession of our ground, I heard an old his ungenerous demand, I would in my turn officer, in conversation with another, express claim satisfaction with my musket, when we a surprise at the conduct of Lord Stair, who should be more upon a par than with the had the reputation'of a good general. But it sword, of which he seemed so much master. seems, at this time, that n'obleman was overruled, and only acted in an inferior character; so that no part of the' blame could be CHAPTER XLIV. imputed to him, who declared his disapprobation of the step, in consequence of which In order to be revenged, I learn the science the whole army was inii the utmost danger'; of defence-we join the Mareschal duc de but providence or destiny acted miracles in ANoailles-are engaged with the allies at their behalf, by disposing the Due de GraDettingen, and put to jfiiht-the beha- mont to quit his advantageous post, pass the viour of the French soldiers on that defile, and attack the English, who w&ere 56* 126 SMOLLETT'S SELECT WORKS. drawn up in order of battle on the plain, and agility, and, drawing his sword, attacked me who handled us so roughly, that, after having with great fury; several people interposed; lost a great number of men, we turned our but when he informed them of its being an backs without ceremony, and fled with such affair of honour, they retired, and left us to precipitation, that many hundreds perished decide the battle by ourselves. I sustained in the river, through pure fear and confusion; his onset with little damage, having only refor the enemy was so generous, that they did ceived a small scratch on my right shoulder, not pursue us one inch of ground; and if our and seeing his breath and vigour almost exconsternation would have permitted, we hausted, assaulted him in my turn, closed might have retreated with great order and with him, and wrested his sword out of his deliberation. But, notwithstanding the royal hand in the struggle. Having thus acquired clemency of the king of Great Britain, who the victory, I desired him to beg his life; headed the allies in person, and, no doubt, to which demand he made no answer, but put a stop to the carnage, our loss amounted shrugged up his, shoulders to his ears, to 5000 men, among whom were many expanded his hands, elevated the skin on his officers of distinction. Our miscarriage forehead and eye-brows, and depressed the opened a passage for the foe to Hanau, corners of his mouth in such a manner, that whither they immediately marched, leaving I could scarce refrain from laughing aloud their sick and wounded to the care of the at his grotesque appearance. That I might, French, who next day took possession of however, mortify his vanity, which triumphed the field of battle, buried the dead, and without bounds over my misfortune, I thrust treated the living with humanity. This cir- his sword up to the hilt in something (it was cumstance was a great consolation to us, not a tansy, that lay smoking on the plain, who thence took occasion to claim the and joined the rest of the soldiers with an air victory; and the genius of the French nation of tranquillity and indifference. never appeared more conspicuous than now, There was nothing more of moment in the rhodJmontades they uttered on the attempted by either of the armies during the subject of their generosity and courage: remaining part of the campaign, which being every man (by his own account) performed ended, the English marched back to the feats that eclipsed all the heroes of antiquity. Netherlands; part of our army was detached One compared himself to a lion retiring at to French Flanders, and our regiment orleisure from his cowardly pursuers, who keep dered into winter quarters in Champagne. at a wary distance, and gall him with their It was the fate of the grenadier company, to darts. Another likened himself to a bear which I now belonged, to lie at Rheims, that retreats with his face to the enemy, who where I found myself in the utmost want of dare not assail him; and the third assumed every thing; my pay, which amounted to five the character of a desperate stag, that turns sols a-day, far from supplying me with upon the hounds and keeps them at bay. necessaries, being scarce sufficientto procure There was not a private soldier engaged, a wretched subsistence, to keep soul and who had not, by the prowess of his single body together: so that I was, by hunger and arm, demolished a whole platoon, or put a hard duty, brought down to the meagre consquadron of horse to flight; and, among dition of my fellow-soldiers, and my linen others, the meagre Gascon extolled his ex- reduced from three tolerable shirts, to two ploits above those of Hercules or Charle- pair of sleeves and necks, the bodies having magne. As. I still retained my resentment been long ago converted into spatterdashes; for the disgrace I suffered in my last rencontre and after all, I was better provided than any with him, and, now that I thought myself private man in the regiment. In this qualified, longed for an opportunity to retrieve urgency of my affairs, I wrote to my uncle in my honour, I magnified the valour of the England, though my hopes from that quarter English with all the hyperboles I could were not at all sanguine, for the reasons I imagine, and decried the pusillanimity of have already explained; and, in the mean the French in the same style, comparing time, had recourse to my old remedy, them to hares flying before grey-hounds, or patience, consoling myself with the flattering mice pursued by cats; and passed an ironical suggestions of a lively imagination, that compliment on the speed he exerted in his never abandoned me in my distress. flight, which, considering his age and infirm- One day, while I stood sentinel at the gate ities, I said was surprising. He was stung of a general officer, a certain nobleman came to the quick by this sarcasm, and, with an air to the door, followed by a gentleman in of threatening disdain, bade me know myself mourning, to whom, at parting, I heard him better, and remember the correction I had saying,-" You may depend upon my good lately received from him for my insolence; offices." This assurance was answered by for he might not always be in the humour of a low bow of the person in black, who, sparing a wretch who abused his goodness. turning to go away, discovered to me the To this inuendo I made no reply, but by a individual countenance of my old friend and kick in the breech which overturned him in adherent Strap. I was so much astonished an instant. He started us with wonderful at the sight, that I lost the power of utterance, ADVENTURES OF RODERICK RODERICK RANDOM. 127 and, before I could recollect myself, he was impossible!" I smiled at his interjections, gone without taking any notice of me. saying,-" I suppose you are too much of a Indeed, had he staid, I scarcely should have gentleman to own your friend in adversity." ventured to accost him; because, though I When he heard me pronounce these words was perfectly well acquainted with the in our own language, he leaped upon me in features of his face, I could not be positively a transport of joy, hung about my neck, certain as to the rest of his person, which kissed me from ear to ear, and blubbered like was very much altered for the better since a great school-boy who had been whipt. he left me at London; neither could I per- Then observing my dress, he set up his ceive by what means he was enabled to throat, crying,-" O Lord! O Lord! that appear in the sphere of a gentleman, to ever I should live to see my dearest friend which, while I knew him, he had not even reduced to the condition of a foot-soldier in the ambition to aspire. But I was too much the French service! why did you consent to concerned in the affair to neglect further my leaving you 3 But I know the reasoninformation, and therefore took the first you thought you had got more creditable opportunity of asking the porter if he knew friends, and grew ashamed of my acquaintance. the gentlemen to whom the marquis spoke. Ah! Lord help us! though I was a little shortThe Swiss told me, his name was Monsieur sighted, I was not altogether blind: and d'Estrapes; that he had been valet-de- thouoh I did not complain, I was not the less chambre to an English gentleman lately sensible of your unkindness, which was deceased; and that he was very much indeed the only thing that induced me to regarded by the marquis for his fidelity to ramble abroad, the Lord knows whither; but his master, between whom and that nobleman I must own it has been a lucky ramble for a very intimate friendship had subsisted. me, and so I forgive you, and may God forNothing could be more agreeable to me than give you. —O Lord! O Lord! is it come to this piece of intelligence, which banished all this!" I was nettled at the charge, which, doubt of its being my friend, who had found thougrh just, I could not help thinking means to frenchify his name as well as his unseasonable, and told him with some tartbehaviour since we parted. As soon, there- ness, that, whether his suspicions were well fore, as I was relieved, I went to his lodging, or ill grounded, he might have chosen a more according to a direction given me by the convenient opportunity of introducing them; Swiss, and had the good fortune to find him and that the question now was, whether or at home. That I might surprise him the not he found himself disposed to lend me any more, I concealed my name and business, assistance?-" "Disposed!" replied he, with and only desired the servant of the house to great emotion, " I thought you had known tell Monsieur d.'Estrapes, that I begged the me so well, as to assure yourself, without honour of half an hour's conversation with asking, that I and all that belongs to me are him. He was confounded and dismayed at at your command. In the mean time, you the message, when he understood it was sent shall dine with me, and I will tell you someby a soldier. Though he was conscious to thing that perhaps will not be displeasing himself of no crime, all that he had heard of unto you." Then wringing rmy hand, he the Bastile appeared to his imagination with said —" It makes my heart bleed to see you aggravated horror, and it was not before I in that garb." I thanked him for his invitahad waited a considerable time, that he had tion, which, I observed, could not be unwelresolution enough to bid the servant show come to a person who had not eaten a me up stairs. When I entered his chamber, comfortable meal these seven months: but I he returned my bow with great civility, and had another request to make, which I begged endeavoured, with forced complaisance, to he would grant before dinner, and that was disguise his fear, which appeared in the the loan of a shirt; for though my back hacd paleness of his face, the wildness of his looks, been many weeks a stranger to any comfort and the shaking of his limbs. I was diverted of that kind, my skin was not yet familiarlzed at his consternation, which redoubled, when to the want of it. He stared in my face, I told him in French, I had business for his with a woful countenance, at this declaration, private ear, and demanded a particular which he could scarce believe, until I audience. The valet being withdrawn, I explained it, by unbuttoning my coat, and asked in the same language, if his name was disclosing my naked body; a circumstance d'Estrapes. to which he answered, with a that shocked the tender-hearted Strap, who, faultering tongue,-" The same, at your ser- with tears in his eyes, ran to a chest of vice." "Are you a Frenchman?" said I. drawers, and, taking out some linen, pre-," I have not the honour of being a Frenchman sented to me a very fine ruffled holland shirt, born," replied he, "but I have an infinite and cambrick neckcloth, assuring me he had veneration for the country." I then desired three dozen of the same kind at my service. he would do me the honour to look at me; I was ravished at this piece of good news, which he no sooner did, than, struck with and having accommodated myself in a my appearance, he started back, and criedin moment, hugged my benefactor for his English,-" O Jesus! sure it can't!.no,'tis generous offer, saying, I was overjoyed to 128 SMOLLETT'S SELECT WORKS find him undebauched by prosperity, which cure your discharge. I have some interest seldom fails to corrupt the heart. He be- with a nobleman who is able to do me that spoke for dinner some soup and bouille, a favour." We consulted about this affairp,and couple of pullets roasted, and a dish of it was determined, that Monsieur d'Estrapes asparagus, and in the interim entertained me should wait upon the marquis in the morning, with biscuit and Burgundy; after which and tell him he had by accident found his repast, he entreated me to gratify his longing brother, whom he had not seen for many desire of knowing every circumstance of my years before, a private soldier in the regiment fortune since his departure from London. of Picardy, and implore that nobleman's This request I complied with, beginning at interest for his discharge. In the mean time the adventure of Gawky, and relating every we enjoyed ourselves over a bottle of good particular event in which I had been con- Burgundy, and spent the evening in concertcerned from that day to the present hour. ing schemes fbr our future conduct, in case I During the recital, my friend was strongly should be so lucky as to get rid of the army. affected, according to the various situations The business was to make ourselves easy fbr described: he started with surprise, glowed life, by means of his legacy, a task very with indignation, gaped with curiosity, smiled difficult, and, in the usual methods of laying with pleasure, trembled with fear, and wept out money, altogether impracticable; so that, with sorrow, as the vicissitudes of my life after much canvassing, we could come to no inspired these different passions: and, when resolution that night, but when we parted, my story was ended, signified his amazement recommended the matter to the serious on the whole, by lifting up his eyes and attention of each other. As for my own hands, and protesting, that, though I was a part, I puzzled my imagination to no purpose. young man, I had suffered more than all the When I thought of turning merchant, the blessed martyrs. smallness of our stock, and the risk of seas, After dinner, I desired, in my turn, to enemies, and markets, deterred me from that know the particulars of his peregrination, scheme: if I should settle as a surgeon in my and he satisfied me in a few words, by giving own country, I would find the business already me to understand that lie had lived a year at overstocked; or, if I pretended to set up in Paris with his master, who in that time hav- England, must labour under want of friends, ing acquired the language, as well as the and powerful opposition, obstacles insurfashionable exercises to perfection, made a mountable by the most shining merit: tour of France and Holland, during which neither should I succeed in my endeavours excursion lie was so unfortunate as to meet to rise in the state, inasmuch as I could with three of his own countrymen on their neither flatter nor pimp for courtiers, nor travels, in whose company he committed prostitute my pen in defence of a wicked and such excesses, that his constitution failed, contemptible administration. Before I could and he fell into a consumption; that, by the form any feasible project, I fell asleep, and advice of his physicians, he went to Mont- my fancy was blessed with the image of my pelier for the benefit of good air, and dear Narcissa, who seemed to smile upon recovered so well in six weeks, that he my passion, and offer her hand as a reward returned to Rheims, seemingly in good for all my toils. health, where he had not continued above a Early in the morning, I went to the lodgmonth, when he was seized with a looseness, ings of my friend, whom I found exulting that carried him off in ten days, to the over his happy invention; for I no sooner enunspeakable sorrow of all who knew him, tered his apartment, than he addressed himand especially of Strap, who had been very self to me in these words, with a smile of happy in his service, and given such satis- self-applause: " Well, Mr Random, a lucky faction, that his master, on his deathbed, thought may come into a fool's head somerecommended him to several persons of times. I have hit it-I'll hold you a button, distinction, for his diligence, sobriety, and my plan is better than yours, for all your affection, and left him by will his wearing learning. But you shall have the preference apparel, gold watch, sword, rings, ready in this, as in all other things; therefore promoney, and all the movables he had in ceed, and let us know the effects of your meFrance, to the value of three hundred ditation-and then I will impart my own pounds, —" Which I now," said he, " in the simple excogitations." I told him, that not sight of God and man, surrender to your one thought had occurred to me which deabsotlte disposal: here are my keys, take served the least notice,and signified mny imthem, I beseech you, and God give you joy of patience to be acquainted with the fruits of the possession." My brain was almost his reflection.-" As we have not," said he, turned by this sudden change of fortune, "money sufficient to maintain us during a which I could scarce believe real: however, tedious expectation, it is my opinion, that a I positively refused this extravagant proffer bold push must be made; and I see none so of niy friend, and put him in mind of my likely to succeed as your appearing in the being a soldier; at which hint he started, character of a gentleman (which is your due), crying,-" Odso! that's true, we must pro- and making your addresses to some lady of ADVENTURES OF RODERICK RANDOM. 129 fortune who can render you independent at three dozen of fine ruffled shirts; as many once. Nay, don't stare-I affirm that this neckcloths; one dozen of cambrick handkerscheme is both prudent andhonourable: for I chiefs, and the like number of silk. The would not have you throw yourself away other movables which I possessed, by the upon an old toothless wheezing dame, whose generosity and friendship of Strap, were a breath would stink you into a consumption gold watch, with a chased case, two valuable in less than three months; neither would I diamond rings, two mourning swords, one advise you to assume the character of a weal- with a silver handle, and a fourth cut steel thy squire, as your common fortune hunters inlaid with gold, a diamond stock-buckle, do, by which means many a poor lady is and a set of stone buckles for the knees and cheated into matrimony, and instead of en- shoes; a pair of silver mounted pistols with joying the pomp and grandeur that was pro- rich housings; a gold-headed cane, and a mised, sees her dowry seized by her husband's snuff-box of tortoise-shell mounted with gold, rapacious creditors, and herself reduced having the picture of a lady on the top. The to misery and despair. No, I know you gentleman left many other things of value, have a soul that disdains such imposition; which my friend had converted into cash and are master of qualifications both of before I met with him; so that, over and mind and body, which alone entitle you to a above these particulars, our stock in ready match that will set you above the world. I money amounted to something more than two have clothes in my possession that a duke hundred pounds. need not be ashamed to wear. I believe Thus equipped, I put on the gentleman they will fit you as they are; if not, there of figure, and, attended by my honest are plenty of tailors in France. Let us take friend, who was contented with the station a short trip to Paris, and provide ourselves of my valet, visited the Louvre, examined with all other necessaries, then set out for the gallery of Luxembourg, and appeared at England, where I intend to do myself the Versailles, where I had the honour of seeing honour of attending you in quality of a valet. his most Christian majesty eat a considerable This expedient will save the expense of a ser- quantity of olives. During the month I spent vant, shaving and dressing; and I doubt not at Paris, I went several times to court, the but, by the blessing of God, we shall bring Italian comedy, opera, and play-house, danced matters to a speedy and fortunate issue." at a masquerade, and, in short, saw every thing Extravagant as this proposal was, I listened remarkable in and about that capital. Then to it with pleasure, because it flattered my weset out for Englandby the way ofFlanders, vanity, and indulged a ridiculous hope I be- passed through Brussels, Ghent, and Bruges,' gan to entertain of my inspiring Narcissa and took shipping at Ostend, from whence in with a mutual flame.. fourteen hours we arrived at Deal, hired a After breakfast, Monsieur d'Estrapes went post-chaise, and in twelve hours more got.o pay his devoirs to the marquis, and was so safe to London, having disposed of our heavy successful in his application, that I obtained baggage in the waggon. a discharge in a few days: upon which we set out for Paris. Here I had time to reflect and congratulate myself upon this sudden CHAPTER XLV. transition of fate, which to bear with moderation, required some degree of philosophy I inquire for my uncle, and understand the and self-denial. This truth will be more is gone to sea-take lodgings at Charing, obvious, if I give a detail of the particulars, cross-go to the play, where I meet with to the quiet possession of which I was raised an adventure-dine at an ordinary; the in an instant, from the most abject misery guestsdescribed —become acquainted with and contempt. My wardrobe consisted of Medlar and Doctor Wagtail. five fashionable coats full mounted, two of which were plain, one of cut velvet, one As soon as we alighted at the inn, I distrimmed with gold, and another with silver patched Strap to inquire for my uncle, at lace; two frocks, one of white drab with the Union-flag in Wapping: and he returned large plate buttons, the other of blue with in a little time, with an account of Mr Bowgold bindings; one waistcoat of gold brocade, ling's having gone to sea, mate of a merchantone of blue satin embroidered with silver, ship, after along and unsuccessful application one of green silk trimmed with broad figured and attendance at the Admiralty: where, it gold lace, one of black silk with fringes, one seems, the interest he depended upon was of white satin, one of black cloth, and one of not sufficient to reinstate him, or recover the scarlet; six pairs of cloth breeches, one pair pay that was due to him when he quitted the of crimson, and another of black velvet; Thunder. twelve pairs of white silk stockings, as many Next day I hired very handsome lodgings of black silk, and the same number of fine not far from *[aring-cross; and, in the cotton; one hat laced with gold point d'Es- evening, dressea myself in a plain suit of vagne, another with silver lace scolloped, a the true Paris cut, and appeared in a front third with gold binding, and a fourth plain; box at the play, where I saw a good deal of 4 K* 130 SMOLLETT'S SELECT WORKS. company, and was vain enough to believe fellows of fashion, standing in a corner, one that I was observed with an uncommon of whom, as I thought, tipt my charmer the degree of attention and applause. This silly wink, and when we were past, I heard them conceit intoxicated me so much, that I was set up a loud laugh. This note aroused my guilty of a thousand ridiculous coquetries; attention, and I was resolved to be fully and I dare say, how favourable soever the satisfied of this lady's character, before I thoughts of the company might be at my should have any nearer connection with her. first appearance, they were soon changed, by As no convenience appeared, I proposed to my absurd behaviour, into pity or contempt. conduct her to a tavern, where we might I rose and sat down, covered and uncovered stay a few minutes, till my servant could my head twenty times between the acts; fetch a coach from the Strand. She seemed pulled out my watch, clapped it to my ear, particularly shy of trusting herself in a tavern wound it up, set it, gave it the hearing again; with a stranger; but at last yielded to my displayed my snuff-box, affected to take snuff, pathetic remonstrances, rather than endanger that I might have an opportunity of showing her health, by remaining in a cold damp my brilliant, and wiped my nose with a per- thoroughfare. Having thus far succeeded, I fumned handkerchief; then dangled my cane, begged to know what wine she would be and adjusted my sword knot, and acted many pleased to drink a glass of; but she professed more fooleries of the same kind, in hopes of the greatest aversion to all sorts of strong obtaining the character of a pretty fellow, liquors; and it was with much difficulty that in the acquiring of which I found two con- I could persuade her to eat a jelly. In the siderable obstructions in my disposition, mean time, I endeavoured to alleviate the namely, a natural reserve, and jealous sensi- uneasiness she discovered, by saying all the bility. Fain would I have entered into con- agreeable things I could think of; at which versation with the people around me; but I she would often sigh, and regard me with a was restrained by fear of being censured for languishing look, that seemed, however, too my assurance, as well as by reflecting that I near akin to the lewd leer of a courtezan. was more entitled to a compliment of this kind This discovery, added to my former suspicion, from them, than they to such condescension while it put me upon my guard against her fiom a stranger like me. How often did I arts, divested me of reserve, and enabled me redden at the frequent whispers and loud to entertain her with gaiety and freedom. laughter of my fellow-beaux, which I imagined In the course of our conversation, I pressed were excited by me! and how often did I her to allow me the honour of waiting upon envy the happy indifference of those choice her next day at her lodgings; a request which spirits, who beheld the distress of the scene, she, with many apologies, refused, lest it without discovering the least symptom of should give umbrage to Sir John, who was approbation or concern! My attention was of a disposition apt to be fretted with trifles. engaged in spite of myself, and I could not This information, by which I was to understand help weeping with the heroine of the stage; that her husband was a knight, did not check though I practised a great many shifts to my addresses, which became more and more conceal this piece of unpolite weakness. importunate, and I was even hardy enough When the play was ended, I sat waiting for to ravish a kiss. But, 0 heavens! instead of an opportunity of handing some lady to her banqueting on the ambrosial flavour that her coach: but every one was attended by such delicacy of complexion promised, I was a number of officious gallants, that for a almost suffocated with the steams of geneva! long time I was balked in my expectation. An exhalation of this kind, from a mouth At length, however, I perceived a very hand- which had just before declared an utter some creature, genteelly dressed, sitting by abhorrence of all spirituous liquors, not only herself ln a box, at some distance from me; changed my doubts into certainty, but my upon which I went up to her, and offered my raptures into loathing; and it would have service. She seemed to be in some confu- been impossible for me to have preserved sion, thanked me for my complaisance, and common complaisance five minutes longer, with a tender look declined giving me the when my servant returned with the coach. trouble; looking at her watch, and testifying I took the advantage of this occasion, and her surprise at the negligence of her footman, presented my hand to the lady, who put in whom she had ordered to have a chair ready practice against me the whole artillery of for her at that hour. I repeated my entreaty her charms, ogling, languishing, sighing and with all the eloquence and compliment I was squeezing, with so little reserve, that Strap master of; and, in the event, she was pre- perceived her tenderness, and rubbed his vailed upon to accept of a proposal I made, to hands with joy as he followed us to the door; send my servant for a chair or coach: accord- but I was proof against all her endearments, ingly, Strap was detached for that purpose, and handed her into the coach with an intenand returned without suc eding: by this tion to take my leave immediately. She time the playhouse was qulne empty, and we guessed my design, and invited me to her were obliged to retire. As I led her through house, whispering, that now Sir John was the passage, I observed five or six young gone to bed, she could have the pleasure of ADVENTURES OF RODERICK RANDOM. 131 my conversation for half an hour without that was advanced in favour of his most interruption. I told her, there was no mor- Christian majesty, with a surliness truly tification I would not undergo; rather than English. But this trusty patriot, who had endanger the repose of her ladyship; and, never been out of his own country, and drew bidding the coachman drive on, wished her all his maxims and notions from prejudice a good night. She lost all temper at my and hearsay, was very unequal to his antagoindifference, and stopping the coach at the nists, who were superior to him in learning distance of about twenty yards from me, and experience, and often took the liberty of popped out her head, and bawled, with the travellers, in asserting things which were not lungs of a fish-woman —" D —n you, you dog, strictly true, because they tllouiyht themselves wont you pay the coach-hire?'" As I made in no danger of being detected by him. The no answer, she held forth against me with claim of the queen of Spain to the Austrian an eloquence peculiar to herself; calling me dominions in Italy, was filly explained and pitiful fellow, scoundrel, and an hundred such vindicated by a person who sat opposite to appellations; concluding, with an oath, that me, and by the solemnity of his manner, and for all my appearance, she believed I had got the richness of his apparel, seemed to be a no money in my pocket. foreign ambassador. This dissertation proHaving thus vented her indignation, she duced another on the pragmatic sanction, ordered the coachman to proceed, and I handled with great warmth by a young genreturned to the tavern, where I bespoke tleman at my right hand, dressed in a green something for supper, very well pleased at frock trimmed with gold, who justified the the issue of this adventure. I dispensed French king for his breach of that contract, with the attendance of the waiter at table, and affirmed that he could not have observed on pretence that my own servant was present; it without injuring his own glory. Although and when we were alone, said to Strap, I was not at all convincedby this gentleman's — " Well, Monsieur d'Estrapes, what do you arguments, I could not help admiring his think of this lady?" My friend, who had vivacity, which I imagined must be the effect not opened his mouth since her departure, of his illustrious birth and noble education, could make no other reply than the mono- and accordingly rated him in my conjecture syllable "Think!" which he pronounced as a young prince on his travels. The diswith a note of fear and astonishment. Sur- course was afterwards shifted by an old genprised at this emphasis, I surveyed myvalet, tleman, of a very martial appearance, to the and perceiving a wildness in his looks, asked last campaign, when the battle of Dettingen if he had seen his grandfather's ghost? was fought over again, with so manycircum-" Ghost!" said he, "I am sure I have stances to the honour of the French, and seen a devil incarnate! Who would have disadvantage of the allies, that I began to thought that so much devilish malice and entertain some doubts of my having been Billingsgate could lurk under such sweetness there in person, and took the liberty to menof countenance and modesty of behaviour? tion some objections to what he advanced. Ah! God help us! Fronti nulla fides- This freedom introduced a dispute, which nimium ne crede colori-but we ought to lasted a good while, to the mortification of down on our knees, and bless God for deliver- all present; and was at last referred to the ing us from the jaws of that painted sepul- determination of a grave person, whom they chre." I was pretty much of Strap's opinion, styled doctor, and who, under a show of great and though I did not believe myself in any moderation, decided it against me, with so danger from the allurements of that sister- little regard to truth, that I taxed him with hood, I determined to act with great circum- partiality in pretty severe terms, to the no spection for the future, and shun all commerce small entertainment of the true English poliof that kind, as equally prejudicial to my tician, who rejoiced at my defence of a cause purse and constitution. he had so often espoused without success. My next care was to introduce myself into My opponent, pleased with the victory he a set of good acquaintaince; for which pur- had gained, affected a great deal of candour, pose I frequented a certain coffee-house, and told me, he should not have been so posnoted for the resort of good company, English itive, if he had not been at great pains to as well as foreigners, where my appearance inform himself of each particular. " Indeed," procured all the civilities and advances I said he, "I am convinced that, the previous could desire. As there was an ordinary in steps considered, things could not happen the same house, I went up stairs to dinner otherwise; for we generals who have seen with the other guests, and found myself at a service, though we may not be on the spot table with thirteen people, the greatest part ourselves, know by the least sketch of the of whom were better dressed than myself. disposition what must be the event." He The conversation, which was mostly carried then censured, with great freedom, every ciron in French, turned chiefly on politics; and cumstance of the conduct of those who com. I soon found the whole company was in the manded the allies; from thence made a French interest, myself excepted, and a testy transition to the ministry, which he honoured old gentleman, who contradicted every thing with many invectives, for employing people 132 SMOLLETT'S SELECT WORKS. who had neither experience nor capacity, to and if I hear another syllable out of your the prejudice of old officers who had been mouth, in contempt or prejudice of this kingdistinguished for both; dropped many hints dom, I will give you a convincing proof of of his own importance; and concluded with what I advance, and have you laid by the observing that the French and Spaniards heels for your presumption." This declara. knew better how to value generals of merit; tion had an effect on the company as sudden the good effects of which were seen in the as surprising. The young prince becamq conquests they gain, and the admirable dis- supple as a spaniel; the ambassador tremcipline of their troops, which are at the same bled; the general sat silent and abashed; and time better clothed and paid than any soldiers the doctor, who, it seems, had felt the rod in the universe. These remarks furnished of power, grew pale as death, and assured us the green knight with an opportunity of all, that he had no intention to affront any launching out in the praise of the French person or people. "Yourprinciples, doctor," government in general, civil as well as mili- resumed the old gentleman, " are no secrettary; on which occasion he made many odi- I have nothing to say to you upon that head; ous comparisons to the disadvantage of the but am very much surprised, that a man, who English. Every body almost assented to the despises us so much, should, notwithstandobservations he made; and the doctor gave ing, live among us, when he has no visible his sanction, by saying, the people in France motive for so doing.-Why don't you take were undoubtedly the happiest subjects in the up your habitation in your beloved France, world. I was so much astonished and con- where you may rail at England without cenfounded at their infatuation and effrontery, sure?" To this remonstrance the doctor that I had not power to utter one word in thought proper to make no reply; and an' opposition to their assertions; but my morose unsocial silence ensued; which I perceiving, associate could not put up with the indignity took notice, that it was pity such idle disthat was offered to Old England, and there- putes, maintained very often through whim fore, with a satirical grin, addressed himself or diversion, should create any misunderto the general in these words:-" Sir, sir, I standing among gentlemen of good sense; nave often heard it said, she's a villainous and proposed to drink down all animosity in bird that befouls her own nest. As for what another bottle. This motion was applauded those people who are foreigners say, I don't by the whole company: the wine was brought, mind it, they know no better; but you, who and the English champion declaring he had were bred and born, and have got your bread no spleen against any man for differing in under the English government, should have opinion from him, any more than for differmore regard to gratitude, as well as truth, in ence of complexion, drank to the good health censuring your native country. If the min- of all present; the compliment was returned, istry have thought fit tolay you aside, I sup- and the conversation once more became unpose they have their own reasons for so reserved, though more general than before. doing; and you ought to remember that you Among other topics, the subject of war was still live on the bounty of the nation. As for introduced, on which the general declaimed these gentlemen (meaning the prince and with great eloquence, recounting many of his ambassador), who make so free with the own exploits by way of illustration. In the constitution, laws, and genius of our people, course of his harangue, he happened to I think they might show a little more respect mention the word epaulement; upon which for their benefactors, who, I must own, are the testy gentleman asked the meaning of to blame, in harbouring, protecting, and en- that term. "I'll tell you what an epaulecouraging such ungrateful vagrants as they ment is," replied he,-" I never saw an are." At these words the chevalier in green epaulement but once —and that was at the started up in a great passion, and laying his siege of Namur-In a council of war, Monhand on the hilt of his hanger, exclaimed,- sieur Cohorn, the famous engineer, affirmed "Ha, foutre!" The Englishman, on the that the place could not be taken." "Yes," otherhand, graspinghis cane, cried,-" Don't said the prince of Vaudemont, " it may be foutre me, sirrah, or, by G —d, I'll knock taken by an epaulement." This was immeyou down." The company interposed,-the diately put in execution, and in twenty-four Frenchman sat down again, and his antago- hours Mareschal Boufflers was fain to capitnist proceeded —" Lookee, monsieur, you ulate." Here he made a full stop; and the know very well, that, had you dared to speak old gentleman repeated the question,-" But so freely of the administration of your own pray what is an epaulement " To this incountry in Paris, as you have done of ours in terrogation the officer made no immediate London, you would have been sent to the reply, but rung the bell, and called for a bill, Bastile without ceremony, where you might which being brought, he threw down his pronave rotted in a dungeon, and never seen the portion of the reckoning, and, telling the light of the sun again. Now, sir, take my company he would show them an epauleword for it, although our constitution screens ment when his majesty should think fit to us from such oppression, we want not laws entrust him with the command of our army to chastise the authors of seditious discourse; abroad, strutted away with great dignity. 1 ADVENTURES OF RODERICK RANDOM. 133 could not imagine why he was so shy of ex- infinite; for, once he begins, there is ni plaining one of the most simple terms: of chance of his leaving off speaking, while one fortification; which I forthwith described as person remains to yield attention; therefore, a side-work composed of earth, gabions, or the only expedient I know for putting a stop fascines: but I was very much surprised to his loquacity, is to lay hold of some when I afterwards understood that his re- incongruity he has uttered, and demand an serve proceeded from his ignorance. Having explanation; or ask the meaning of sorme paid ourbill, we adjourned to the coffee-room, difficult term that he knows by name only. where my fellow-labourer insisted on treating This method will effectually put him to since with a dish, giving me to understand, at lence, if not to flight, as it happened when I the same time, that I had acquired his good inquired about an epaulement. Had he been opinion, both with respect to nmy principles acquainted with the signification of that word, and understanding. I thanked him for his his triumph would have been intolerable, and compliment, and, professing myself an utter- we must have quitted the field first, or been stranger in this part of the world, beggedbhe; worried with impertinence." Having thus wvould have the goodness. to inform me of gratified my curiosity, the old gentleman bethe quality and characters of the people who gan to discover his own, in questions relating dined above. This request was a.real favour to myself, to which I thought proper to reto one of his disposition, which was no less turn ambiguous answers. "I presume, sir," communicative than curious: he therefore said he, "youhave travelled?" I answered, complied with great satisfaction, and told me, — " Yes." "I dare say you would find it to my extreme astonishment, that the sup- very expensive," said he. I replied,-" To posed young prince was a dancer at one of be sure, one cannot travel without money." the theatres, and the ambassador no other "That I. know by experience," said he, "for than a fiddler belonging to the opera. " The I myself take a trip to Bath or Tunbridge doctor," said he, " is a Roman Catholic every season; and one must pay sauce for priest, who sometimes appears in the charac- what he has on the road, as well in other ter of' an officer, and assumes the name of countries as in this-That's a very pretty captain; but more generally takes the garb, stone in your ring, —give me leave, sir,-the title, and behaviour of a physician, in which French have attained a wonderful skill in capacity he wheedles himself into the confi- making compositions of this kind. Why, dence of weak-minded people, and, by argu- now, this looks almost as well as a diamond." ments no less specious than false, converts "1Almost as well, sir," said I, " why not altothem from their religion and allegiance. He gether I am sure if you understand any has been in the hands of justice more than thing of jewels, you must perceive at first once for such practices; but he is a sly dog, sight that this stone is a real diamond, and and manages matters with so much craft- that of a very fine water. Take it in your that hitherto he has escaped for a short im- hand and examine it." HIe did so with some prisonment. As for the general, you may confusion, and returned it, saying,- "I ask see he has owed his promotion more to his your pardon, I see it is a true brilliant of interest than his capacity; and now that the immense value." I imagined his respect for eyes of the ministry are opened, his friends me increased after this inquiry; therefore, to dead, or become inconsiderable, he is struck captivate his esteem the more, I told him I off the list, and obliged to put up with would show him a seal of composition, ena yearly pension. In consequence of this graved after a very valuable antique; upon reduction, he is become malcontent, and which I pulled out my watch, with a rich gold inveighs against the government in all com- chain, adorned with three seals set in gold, panies, with so little discretion, that I am and an opal ring. He viewed each of them surprised at the lenity of the administration with. great eagerness, handled the chain, adin overlooking his insolence; but the truth mired the chased case, and observed that the of the matter is, he owes his safety to his whole must have cost me a vast sum of weakness and want of importance. He has money. I affected indifference, and replied, seen a little, and but a little service; and yet, in: a careless manner,-" Some trifle of sixty if you would take his word for it, there has or seventy guineas." He stared in my face not been a great action performed in the field some time, and then asked me if I was an since the revolution in which he was not. Englishman. I answered in the negative. principally concerned. When a story is told " You are fromIreland, then, sir, I presume," of any great general, he immediately matches said he. I made the same reply. "O! peiit with one of himself, though he is often haps," said he, " you were born in one of our unhappy in his invention, and commits such settlements abroad." I still answered, "No." gross blunders in the detail, that every body He seemed very much surprised, and said, is in pain for him. Cmsar, Pompey, and he: was sure I was not a foreigner. I made Alexander the Great are continually in his no reply, but left him upon the tenterhooks mouth and. as he reads a good deal, without of impatient uncertainty. He could not any judgment to digest it, his ideas are con- contain his anxiety, but asked pardon for the: fusd,. and his harangues as unintelligible as liberties he. had taken, and to encourage me 57 134 SMOLLETT'S SELECT WSORKS. the more to disclose my situation, displayed conversation turning upon different subjects, his own without reserve. " I am," said he, among other things Mr Chatter asked very " a single man; have a considerable annuity, earnestly when I saw Mr Medlar? I told on which I live according to my own incli- him I had not had the pleasure of seeing you nation, and make the ends of the year meet these nineteen hours and a half; for you may very comfortably. As I have no estate to remember, sir, it was nearly about that time; leave behind me, I am not troubled with the I wont be positive as to a minute. "No!" importunate officiousness of relations or says he, " then I desire you will go to his legacy-hunters; and I consider the world as lodgings immediately after dinner, and see made for me, not me for the world: it is my what's the matter with him, for he certainly maxim, therefore, to enjoy it while I can, and must be very bad, from having ate last night let futurity shift for itself." While he thus such a vast quantity of raw oysters." The indulged his own talkative vein, and, at the crusty gentleman, who from the solemnity same time, no doubt, expected a retaliation of his delivery, expected something extraorfiom me, a young man entered, dressed in dinary, no sooner heard his conclusion, than black velvet, and an enormous tie-wig, with he started up in a testy humour, crying,an air, in which natural levity and affected " Pshaw! pshaw! d-n your oysters;" and solemnity were so jumbled together, that, on walked away, after a short compliment ofthe whole, he appeared a burlesque on all " Your servant, sir," to me. The doctor got decorum. This ridiculous oddity danced up up also, saying,-" I vow and protest, upon to the table at which we sat, and, after a myword, I am actually amazed," and followed thousand grimaces, asked my friend, by the Mr Medlar to the bar, which was hard by, name of Mr Medlar, if we were not engaged where he was paying for his coffee: there lihe upon business? My companion puton a surly whispered so loud, that I could overhear,countenance, and replied,-" No great busi- "Pray, who is this gentleman?" His friend ness, doctor-but however,"-" 0! then," replied hastily,-" I might have known that cried the physician, " I must beg your indul- before now, if it had not been for your iimgence a little,-pray pardon me, gentlemen. pertinent intrusion," and walked off very Sir," said he, addressing himself to me, much disappointed. The ceremonious phy"your most humble servant, I hope you will sician returned immediately, and sat down forgive me, sir,-I must beg the favour to sit, by me, asking a thousand pardons for leaving sir-Sir, I have something of consequence to me alone; and giving me to understand, that impart to my friend Mr Medlar-Sir, I hope what he had communicated to Mr Medlar at you will excuse my freedom in whispering, the bar was an affair of the last importance, sir." Before I had time to give this com- that would admit of no delay. He then plaisant person my permission, Mr Medlar called for some coffee, and launched out into cried,-" I'll have no whispering; if you have the virtues of that berry, which, he said, in any thing to say to me, speak with an audi- cold phlegmatic constitutions like his, dried ble voice." The doctor seemed a little dis- up the superfluous moisture, and braced the concerted at this exclamation, and turning relaxed nerves. He told me it was utterly again to me, made a thousand apologies for unhknown to the ancients; and derived its pretending to make a mystery of any thing, name from an Arabian word, which I might a piece of caution which he said was owing easily perceive by the sound and termination. to his ignorance of my connection with Mr From this topic he transferred his disquiMedlar; but, now he understood I was a sitions to the word drink, which he affirmed friend, he would communicate what he had was improperly applied to the taking of to say in my hearing. He then began, after coffee, inasmuch as people do not drink, two or three hems, in this manner:-" You but sip or sipple that liquor;- that the genumust know, sir, I am just come from dinner ine meaning of drinking is to quench one's at my lady Flareit's (then, addressing himself thirst, or commit a debauch, by swallowing to me), a lady of quality, sir, at whose table wine; that the Latin word, which conveyed I have the honour of dining sometimes. the same idea, was bibere or potare, and that There was Lady Stately, and my Lady Larum, of the Greeks pinein or poteein, though he and Mrs Dainty and Miss Biddy Gigler; upon was apt to believe they were differently used my word, a very good-natured young lady, on different occasions. For example: —to with a very pretty fortune, sir. There were drink a vast quantity, or, as the vulgar also my Lord Straddle, Sir John Shrug, and Mr express it, to drink an ocean of liquor, was Billy Chatter, who is actually a very face- in Latin potare, and in Greek poteein; and, tions young gentleman. So, sir, her ladyship on the other hand, to use it moderately, was seeing me excessively fatigued, for she was bibere and pinein; that this was only a conthe last of fifteen patients (people of dis- jecture of his own, which, however, seemed tinction, sir) whom I had visited this fore- to be supported by the word bibulous, which noon, insisted upon my staying dinner, is particularly applied to the pores of the though, upon my word, I protested I had no skin, that can only drink a very small quan:.ppetite; however, in compliance with her tity of the circumambient moisture, by reason Indyship's request, sir, I sat down, and the ofthe smallness of their diarmeters; whereas, ADVENTURES OF RODERICK RANDOM. 135 from the verb poteein is derived the substan- a group of them around the fire, whom I tive potamos, which signifies a river, or vast immediately knew to be the very persons quantity of liquor. I could not help smiling who had the night before, by their laughing, at this learned and important investigation; alarmed my suspicion of the lady who had and, to recommend myself the more to my put herself under my protection. They no new acquaintance, whose disposition I was sooner perceived me enter with Dr WTagtail by this time well informed of, I observed, (for that was my companion's name), than that what he alleged, did not, to the best of they tittered and whispered one to another; my remembrance, appear in the writings of and I was not a little surprised to find that the ancients; for Horace uses the words poto they were the gentlemen to whose acquainand bibo indifferently for the same purpose, tance he designed to recommend me: for, as in the twentieth ode of his first book- when he observed them together, he told me Vile potabis modicis Sabinum cantharis, who they were, and desired to know by what — Et prlo domitam caleno tu bibesuvam: name he should introduce me. I satisfied him in that particular, and he advanced with That I had never heard of the verb poteein, great gravity, saying,-" Gentlemen, your but that potamos, potema, and potos, were most obedient-give me leave to introduce derived from pino, poso, pepoka; in conse- my friend Mr Random to your society." quence of which the Greek poets never use Then turning to me,-" Mr Random, this is any other word for festal drinking. Homer M r Banter, sir-Mr Chatter describes Nestor at his cups in these words- -my friend r lyboot, and Mr Ranter — my friend Mr Slyboot, and Mr Ranter, Nestora d'ouk elathen iache pinonta perempes: sir." I saluted each of them in order; and and Anacreon mentions it on the same occa. when I came to take Mr Slyboot by the hand, sion almost in every page- I perceived him thrust his tongue in his cheek, to the no small entertainment of the Pi'iont7i de oinon hedun company; but I did not think proper to take Otan pino ton oinon. any notice of it on this occasion. Mr Ranter, Opliz' ego de pino: li ego detoo (who I afterwards learned was a player), and in a thousand other places. The doctor, displayed his talents, by mimicking my air, who, doubtless, intended by his criticism to features, and voice, while he returned my give me a high idea of his erudition, was compliment. This feat I should not have infinitely surprised to find himself schooled been so sensible of, had I not seen him behave by one of my appearance; and, after a con- in the same manner to my friend Wagtail, siderable pause, cried,-" Upon my word, when he made up to them at first. But for you are in the right, sir-I find I have not once I let him enjoy the fruits of his dexterity considered this affair with my usual accu- without question, or control, resolving, howracy." Then accosting me in Latin which ever, to chastise his insolence at a more he spoke very well, the conversation was convenient opportunity. Mr Slyboot, guessmaintained full two hours, on a variety of ing I was a stranger, asked if I had been subjects, in that language; and, indeed, he lately in France? and when I answered in spoke so judiciously, that I was convinced, the affirmative, inquired if I had seen the notwithstanding his whimsical appearance, Luxembourg gallery? I told him I had consiand attention to trifles, that he was a man of dered it more than once with great attention. extensive knowledge, especially in books. Upon this a conversation ensued, in which I He looked upon me, as I afterwards under- discovered him to be a painter. While we stood from Mr Medlar, as a prodigy in learn- were discoursing upon the particulars of this ing, and proposed that very night, if I was famous collection, I overheard Banter ask not engaged, to introduce me to several Dr Waftail where lie had picked up this Mr young gentlemen of fortune and fashion, with Random 1 To which question the physician whom he had an appointment at the Bedford answered, —" Upon my word, a mighty pretty coffee-house. sort of a gentleman-a man of fortune, sir, — he has made the grand tour, and seen the best company in Europe, sir." " What? he CHAPTER XLVI. told you so, I suppose?" said the other, 1" I take him to be neither more nor less than a Wagtail introduces me to a set offine gen- French valet-de-chambre."." O barbarous, tlemen, with whom I spend the evening barbarous!" cried the doctor, "this is acat a tavern-our conversation-the cha- tually, upon my word, altogether unaccounracters of my new companions-the doctor table. I know all his family perfectly well, is roasted-the issue of our debauch. sir; he is of the Randoms of the north-a very ancient house, sir, and a distant relation I ACtEPTED his offer with pleasure, and we of mine." I was extremely nettled at the went thither in a hackney coach, where I conjecture of Mr Banter, and began to saw a great number of gay figures fluttering entertain a very indifferent opinion of my a? out, most of whom spoke to the doctor company in general; but as I might possibly e,,th great familiarity. Among the rest stood by their means acquire a more extensive and 136 SMOLLETT'S SELECT WORKS. agreeable acquaintance, I determined to bear a hundred weight of dry tinder into a glass these little mortifications as long as I could, retort, and, distilling it by the force of animal without injuring the dignity of my character. heat, it would yield half a scruple of insipid After having talked for some time on the water, one drop of which is a full dose. weather, plays, politics, and other coffee- " Upon my integrity!" exclaimed the creduhouse subjects, it was proposed that we lous doctor, "this is very amazing and exshould spend the evening at a noted tavern traordinary! that a caput mortuum shall vield in the neighbourhood, whither we repaired any water at all-I must own I have always in a body. Having taken possession of a been an enemy to specifics, which I thought room, called for French wine, and bespoken inconsistent with the nature of the animal supper, the glass went about pretty freely, economy; but certainly the authority of Soloand the characters of my associates opened mon is not to be questioned. I wonder upon me more and more. It soon appeared, where I shall find a glass retort large enough that the doctor was entertained as a butt for to contain such a vast quantity of tinder, the the painter and player to exercise their wit consumption of which must undoubtedly upon, for the diversion of the company. Mr raise the price of paper-or where I shall find Ranter began the game, by asking him what animal heat sufficient even to warm such a was good for hoarseness, lowness of spirits, mass." Slyboot informed him, that he might and indigestion, for he was troubled with all have a retort blown for him as big as a these complaints to a very great degree. church; and that the easiest method of raisWagtail immediately undertook to explain ing the vapour by animal heat, would be to the nature of his case, and, in a very prolix place it in the middle of an infirmary for manner, harangued upon prognostics, diag- feverish patients, who might lie upon matnostics, symptomatics, therapeutics, inanition trasses around, and in contact with it. He and repletion; then calculated the force of had no sooner pronounced these words, than the stomach and lungs in their respective Wagtail exclaimed, in a rapture,-" An adoperations; ascribed the player's malady to mirable expedient, as I hope to be saved! a disorder in these organs, proceeding from I will positively put it in practice." This hard drinking and vociferation, and prescribed simplicity of the physician furnished excel. a course of stomachics, with abstinence from lent diversion for the company, who, in their venery, wine, loud speaking, laughing, sing- turns, sneered at him in ironical compliing, coughing, sneezing, or halooing. "Pah inents, which his vanity swallowed as the pah!" cried Ranter, interrupting him, "the genuine sentiments of their hearts. Mr remedy is worse than the disease-I wish I Chatter, impatient of so long a silence, now k new where to find some tinder water." broke out, and entertained us with a catat"Tinder water!" said the doctor, "upon my logue of all the people who danced at the word I don't apprehend you, Mr Ranter." last Hampstead assembly, with a most cir" ~Water extracted from tinder," replied the' cumstantial account of the dress and ornaother, " an universal specific for all distem- ments of each, from the lappets of the ladies pers incident to man. It was invented by a to the shoe-buckles of the men; concluding learned German monk, who, for: a valuable with telling Bragwell, that his mistress Meconsideration, imparted the secret to Para. linda was there, and seemed to miss him; celsus." "Pardon me,"cried the painter, and soliciting his company at the next oc"it was first used by Solomon, as appears by casion of that kind. " No, no, demme," said a Greek manuscript in his own hand-writing, Bragwell, " I have something else to mind lately found at the foot of mount Lebanon, than dangling after a parcel of giddy-headed by a peasant who was digging for potatoes." girls; besides, you know my temper is so "Well," said Wagtail, "in all myvast reading unruly that I am apt to involve myself in I never met with such a preparation! neither scrapes when a woman' is concerned. The did I know till this minute that Solomon last time I was there, I had an affair with understood Greek, or that potatoes grew in Tom Trippet." " O! I remember that," Palestine.". Here Banterinterposed, saying, cried Banter; "you lugged out before the he was surprised that Dr Wagtail should ladies; and I commend you for so doing, bemake the least doubt of Solomon's under- cause you had an opportunity of showing standing Greek, when he is represented to your manhood without running any risk.",s as the wisest and best educated prince in "Risk!" said the other, with a fierce counthe world; and as for potatoes, they were tenance, "damn my blood! I'fear no risks. transplanted thither from Ireland, in the time I an't afraid of lugging out against any man of the crusades, by some knights of that that wears a head, damme!'tis well known country. "I profess," said the doctor, I have drawn blood more than once, and lost'"there is nothing more likely-I would some too; but what does that signify?" actually give a vast sum for a sight of that The player begged this champion to employ manuscript, which must be inestimable-and him as his second the next time he intended if I understood the process, would set about it to. kill, for he wanted to see a man die of a immediately." The player assured him the stab, that he might know how to act such a process was very simple-that he must cram part the more naturally on the stage. "Die!" ADVENTURES OF RODERICK RANDOM. 137 replied the hero; "no, by G-d! I know ordinary affair that brings a lady to a tavern better things than to incur the verdict of a at this time o'night. Mr Ranter, pray do Middlesex jury-I should look upon my fen- the doctor's baisemoins to the lady, and cing-master to be an ignorant son of a b —, squire her hither." The player immediately if he had not taught me to prick any part of staggered out, and returned, leading in, with my antagonist's body that I please to disa- much ceremony, a tall strapping wench, ble." "Oho!" cried Slyboot, "ifthatbe the whose appearance proclaimed her occupacase, I have a favour to ask. You must tion. We received her with the utmost know I am employed to paint a Jesus on the solemnity, and with a good deal of entreaty cross; and my purpose is to represent him she was persuaded to sit, when a profound at that point of time when the spear is thrust silence ensued, during which she fixed her into his side. Now, I should be glad you eyes, with a disconsolate look, upon the would, in my presence, pink some imperti- doctor, who was utterly confounded at her nent fellow into convulsions, without endan- behaviour, and returned her melancholy fourgering his life, that I may have an opportunity fold. At length, after a good many piteous of taking a good clever agony from nature. sighs, she wiped her eyes, and accosted him The doctor will direct you where to enter, thus: —" What! not one word of comfort! and how far to go; but pray let it be as near Will nothing soften that stony heart of thine? the left side as possible." Wagtail, who Not all my tears! not all my affliction! not took this proposal seriously, observed, that it the inevitable ruin thou hast brought upon me! would be a very difficult matter to penetrate Where are thy vows, thou faithless, perjured into the left side of the thorax, without hurt- man 3 Hast thou no honour-no conscience ing the heart, and of consequence killing the -no remorse for thy perfidious conduct topatient; but he believed it was possible for a wards me?-Answer me, wilt thou at last do man of a very nice hand, and exact know- me justice, or must I have recourse to heaven ledge of anatomy, to wound the diaphragma or hell for my revenge?" If poor Wagtail somewhere about the skirts, which might was amazed before she spoke, what must his induce a singultus, without being attended confusion be on hearing this address! His with death; that he was ready to demonstrate natural paleness changed into a ghastly clay the insertion of that muscle to Mr Bragwell; colour, his eyes rolled, his lips trembled, and but desired to have no concern with the ex- he answered, in an accent not to be desperiment, which might essentially prejudice cribed,-" Upon my word, honour and salvahis reputation, in case of miscarriage. Brag- tion! madam, you are actually mistaken in well was as much imposed upon by the pain- my person. I have a most particular veneter's waggery as the doctor, and declined ration for your sex, and am actually incapable engaging in the affair, saying, he had a very of injuring any lady in the smallest degree, great regard for Mr Slyboot, but had laid it madam;-besides, madam, to the best of iiiy down as a maxim never to fight except when recollection, I never had the honour of seeing his honour was engaged. A thousand jokes you before, as I hope to be saved, madam!" of this kind were uttered; the wine circulated; " How, traitor!" cried she, " dost thou dissupper was served in; we ate heartily; re- own me then?-Mistaken! no, too well I turned to the bottle; Bragwell became noisy know that fair bewitching face! too well I and troublesome; Banter grew more and more know that false enchanting tongue!-Alas' severe; Ranter rehearsed; Slyboot made gentlemen, since the villain compels me, by faces at the whole company; I sung French his unkindness, to expose myself and him, catches, and Chatter kissed me with great know that this betrayer, under the specious affection; while the doctor, with a woful pretence of honourable addresses, won my countenance, sat silent like a disciple of Py- heart, and taking advantage of his conquest, thagoras. At length, it was proposed by Brag- robbed me of my virgin treasure, and afterwell, that we should scour the hundreds, wards abandoned me to my fate! I ani now sweat the constable, maul the watch, and four months gone with child by him, turned then reel soberly to bed. out of doors by my relations, and left a prey WVhile we deliberated on this expedition, to misery and want! Yes, thou barbarian," the waiter came into the room, and asked said she, turning to Wagtail, " thou tiger, for Doctor Wagtail; when he understood he thou succubus! too well thou knowest my was present, he told him there was a lady situation-but I will tear out thy faithless below to inquire for him; at which message heart, and deliver the world from such a the physician started from his melancholy monster." So saying, she sprung forward contemplation, and, with a look of extreme at the doctor, who, with incredible agility, confusion, assured the company, he could not jumped over the table, and ran behind Bragpossibly be the person wanted, for he had no well, while the rest of us endeavoured to connection with any lady whatever, and bade appease the furious heroine. Although every the drawer tell her so. "For shame!" cried body in the company affected the utmost surBanter, "would you be so unpolite as to prise, I could easily perceive it was a scheme refuse the lady a hearing! perhaps she comes concerted among them to produce diversion for a consultation. It must be some extra- at the doctor's expense; and being under no 4 L* 57* ,38 SMOLLETT'S SELECT WVORKS. concern about the consequence, I entered a piece out of it, gave it to the plaintiff, and into the confederacy, and enjoyed the distress bade her thank God for her good fortune. of Wagtail, who, with tears in his eyes, When she had received this bounty, she begged the protection of the company, de- affected to weep, and begged, since the phyclaring himself as innocent of the crime laid sician had renounced her, he would at least to his charge, as the foetus in utero; and vouchsafe her a parting kiss: this he was hinting at the same time that nature had not prevailed upon to grant with great relucput it in his power to be guilty of such a tres- tance, and went up with his usual solemnity pass —" Nature!" cried the lady, "there was to salute her; when she laid hold of his cheek no nature in the case —he abused me by the with her teeth, and held fast, while he roared help of charms and spells; else how is it with anguish, to the unspeakable diversion possible that any woman could have listened of all present. When she thought proper to to the addresses of such a scare-crow? release him, she dropt a low courtesy tothe VWere these owlish eyes made for ogling; company, and quitted the room, leaving the that carrion complexion to be admired; or doctor in the utmost horror; not so much on that mouth like a horse-shoe to be kissedl account of the pain, as the apprehension of No, no, you owe your success to your filtres, the consequence of the bite; for by this time to your drugs, and incantations; and not to he was convinced of her being mad. Banter your natural talents, which are in every prescribed the actual cautery, and put the respect mean and contemptible." The doc- poker in the fire to be heated, in order to tor now thought he had got an opportunity sear the place. The player was of opinion of vindicating himself effectually; and desired that Bragwell should scoop out the part the complainant to compose herself but for affected with the point of his sword; but the half an hour, in which he undertook to prove painter prevented both these dreadful operathe absurdity of believing in the power of tions, by recommending a balsam he had in incantations, which were only idle dreams of his pocket, which never failed to cure the ignorance and superstition. He accordingly bite of a mad dog; so saying, he pulled out pronounced a very learned discourse upon a small bladder of black paint; with which the nature of ideas, the power and indepen- he instantly anointed, not only the sore, but dence of the mind, the properties of stimu- the greatest part of the patient's face, and lating medicines, the difference between a left it in a friightful condition. In short, the proneness to venery, which many simples poor creature was so harassed with fear and would create, and a passion limited to one vexation, that I pitied him extremely, and object, which can only be the result of sense sent him home in a chair, contrary to the and reflection; and concluded with a pathetic inclination of every body present. remonstrance, setting forth his unhappiness This freedom of mine gave umbrage to in being persecuted with the resentment of a Bragwell, who testified his displeasure, by lady whom he had never injured, nor even swearing a few threats, without making any seen before that occasion, and whose facul- application; which being perceived by Slyties were, in all likelihood, so much impaired boot, who sat by me, he, with a view of proby her misfortunes, that an innocent person rooting a quarrel, whispered to me, that lie was in danger of being ruined by her disor- thought Bragwell used me very ill; but every der. He had no sooner finished his harangue, man was the best judge of his own affairs. than the forlorn princess renewed her lamen- I answered aloud, that I would neither suffer tations, and cautioned the company against Mr Bragwell nor him to use me ill with imhis eloquence, which she said, was able to punity, and that I stood in no need of his bias the most impartial bench in Christendom. counsel, in regard to the regulation of my Banter advised him to espouse her imme- conduct. He thought proper to ask a thoudiately, as the only means to salve his repu- sand pardons, and assure me he meant no tation, and offered to accompany him to the offence; while Bragwell feigned himself Fleet for that purpose; but Slyboot proposed asleep, that he might not be obliged to take that a father should be purchased for the notice of what passed. But the player, who child, and a comfortable alimony settled on had more animal spirits, and less discretion the mother. Ranter promised to adopt the than Slyboot, unwilling to let the affair rest infant gratis. Wagtail was ready to wor- where he had dropped it, jogged Mr Bragship him for his generosity; and, though he well, and told him softly, that I called him persisted in protesting his innocence, con- names, and threatened to cudgel him. This descended to every thing, rather than his particular I understood by his starting, and unblemished character should be called in crying,-," Blood and wounds! you lie! No question. The lady rejected the proposal, man durst treat me so ignominiously. Mr and insisted on matrimony. Bragwell took Random, did you call me names, and threaten up the cudgels for the doctor, and undertook to drub me 3" I denied the imputation, and to rid him of her importunity for half a proposed to punish the scoundrel who enguinea; upon which Wagtail, with great deavoured to foment disturbances in the eagerness, pulled out his purse, and put it company: Braogwell signified his approbation, unto! the hand of his friend, who taking half and drew his sword; I did the same, and ADVENTURES OF RODERICK RANDOM. 139 accosted the actor in these words:-" Lookee, shook me by the hand at parting, and proMr Ranter, I know you possess all the mim- mised to meet me next day at the ordinary. icry and mischievous qualities of an ape, because I have observed you put them all in practice more than once to-night, on me and CHAPTER XLVII. others; now I want to see if you resemble one in nimbleness also; therefore I desire Strap communicates to me a conquest he you to leap over this sword without hesita- had made of a chandler's widow-finds tion." So saying, I held it parallel to the himself miserably mistaken-I go Jo the horizon, at the distance of about three feet opera-admire Mlelinda-am cautioned from the floor, and called,-" Once-twice by Banter —go to the assembly at Hamp-thrice, and away;" but, instead of corn- stead-dance with that young ladyplying with my command, he snatched his receive an insolent message from Braghat and hanger, and assuming the looks, well, whose metal is soon- cooled-am in swagger, and phrase of Pistol, burst out into favour with my mistress, whom I visit the following exclamation:-" Ha! must I next day; and am bubbled out of eightthen perform inglorious prank, of sylvan ape een guineas at cards-Strap triumphs at in mountain forest caught! Death, rock me my success, but is astonishad at my exasleep, abridge my doleful days, and lay my pense —Banter comes to my lodging, is head in fury's lap. Have we not Hiren very sarcastic at my expense, and borhere Y" This buffoonery did not answer his rows five guineas from me as a proof of expectation, for by this time the company his friendship. was bent on seeing him in a new character. Mr Banter desired me to hold my sword a IN the morning, before I got up, Strap came foot or two higher, that he might have the into my chamber, and, finding me awake better opportunity of exerting himself. The hemmed several times, scratched his head, painter told him, if he performed well, he cast his eyes upon the ground, and, with a would recommend him as a vaulter to the very foolish kind of simper upon his face, proprietors of Saddler's Wells; and Brag- gave me to understand he had something to well crying —" Leap for the King," applied communicate. "By your countenance," the point of his sword to the player's poste- said I, "I expect to hear good tidings." riors with such success, that he sprung over "Indifferent," replied he, tittering, " that is, in a trice, and, finding the door unguarded, hereafter as it shall be. You must know vanished in a twinkling; glad, no doubt, of I have some thoughts of altering my conhaving paid his share of the reckoning so dition." " What!" cried I, astonished, "a easily. matrimonial scheme? O rare Strap! thou It being now near two o'clock in the hast got the heels of me at last." "N' —less, morning, we discharged the bill, and sallied I assure you," said he, bursting into a laugh out into the street. The painter slunk of self-approbation, "a tallow-chandler's away without taking his leave. Billy Chat- widow, that lives hard by, has taken a liking ter, being unable to speak or stand, was sent to me-a fine jolly dame, as plump as a parto a bagnio; and Banter and I accompanied tridge. She has a well furnished house, a Bragwell to Moll King's coffee-house, where, brisk trade, and a good deal of the ready. after he had kicked half a dozen of hungry I may have her for the asking. She told a w, we left him asleep on a bench, and friend of mine, a brother footman, that she directed our course towards Charing-cross, would take me out of a stinking clout. But near which place both he and I lodged. I refused to give my final answer, till I knew The natural dryness of my companion your opinion of the matter." I congratulabeing overcome by liquor, he honoured me ted Monsieur d'Estrapes upon his conquest, by the way with many compliments and pro- and approved of the scheme, provided he fessions of friendship, for which I made could be assured of those circumstances of suitable acknowledgements, and told him, I her fortune; but advised him to do nothing thought myself happy in having, by my be- rashly, and give me an opportunity of seeing haviour, removed the unfavourable opinion the lady before matters should be brought he entertained of me at first sight. He was to a conclusion. He assured me he would surprised at this declaration, and begged me do nothing without my consent and approto explain myself; upon which I mentioned bation; and that very morning, while I was what I had overheard him say of me to Wag- at breakfast, introduced his inamorata to. my tail in the coffee-house. He laughed, and acquaintance. She was a short thick womade an apology for his freedom, assuring man, about the age of thirty-six, and had a me, that my appearance had very much pre- particular prominence of belly, which I perpossessed him in my favour; and what he said ceived at first sight, not without some sus. was only intended as a joke on the doctor's picion of foul play. I desired her, however, solemnity. I was highly pleased at being to sit, and treated her with a dish of tea, undeceived in this particular, and not a little the discourse turning on the good qualities proud of the good opinion of this wit, who of Strap, whom I represented as a prodigy 140 SMOLLETT'S SELECT WORKS. of sobriety, industry, and virtue. When the wealthiest fool should carry her at last. she took her leave, he followed her to the I attributed a good deal of this intelligence door, and returned licking his lips, and to the satirical turn of my friend, or resentasking if I did not think she was a luscious ment for having himself suffered a rebuff from creature? I made no mystery of my appre- the lady in question; and, at any rate, trust. hension, but declared my sentiments of her ed so much to my own accomplishments, as without reserve; at which he was not sur- to believe no woman could resist the ardoul prised, telling me he had observed the same of my addresses. symptom, but had been informed by his friend Full of this confidence, I repaired to that she was only liver-grown, and would, Hampstead, in company with Billy Chatter, in a few months, be as small in the waist as my Lord Hobble, and Doctor Wagtail. ever. "Yes," said I, "a few weeks, I There I saw a very brilliant assembly, before believe, will do the business. In short, Strap, whom I had the honour to walk a minuet it is my opinion that you are egregiously with Melinda, who charmed me with her imposed upon; and that this friend is no frank manner and easiness of behaviour. other than a rascal who wants to palm his Before the country-dances began, I received trull upon you for a wife, that he may at a message, by a person I did not know, from once deliver himself from the importunities Bragwell, who was present, importing, that of the mother, and the expense of her bant- nobody who knew him presumed to dance ling: for which reason I would not have you with Melinda, while he was there in person; trust implicitly to the report he makes of her and that I would do well to relinquish her wealth, which is inconsistent with his beha- without noise, because he had a mind to lead viour: nor run your head precipitately into up a country-dance with her. This extraa noose, that you may afterwards wish ex- ordinary intimation, which was delivered in changed for the hangman's." He seemed the lady's hearing, did not at all discompose very much startled at my insinuation, and me, who by this time was pretty well acpromised to look twice before he leaped; quainted with the character of my rival. I saying, with some heat, —" Odds, if I find therefore, without the least symptom of conhis intention is to betray me, we shall see cern, bade the gentleman tell Mr Bragwell, which of us is the better man." My pre- that, since I was so happy as to obtain tlhe diction was verified in less than a fortnight; lady's consent, I should not be solicitous her great belly producing an infant, to the about his; and desired the bearer himself to unspeakable amazement of Strap, who was, bring me no such impertinent messages for before this happened, inclinable to believe I the future. Melinda affected a sort of conhad refined a little too much in my penetra- fusion, and pretended to wonder that AMr tion. His false friend disappeared; and in Bragwell should give himself such liberties a few days after, an execution was issued with regard to her, who had no manner of against her goods and household-furniture, connexion with the fellow. I laid hold of which were seized by the creditors. this opportunity to display my valour, and Meanwhile I met my friend Banter at the offered to call him to an account for his inordinary, and in the evening went to the solence, a proposal which she absolutely reopera with him and Mr Chatter, who point- fused, under pretence of consulting my safety; ed out Melinda in one of the boxes, and though I-could perceive, by the sparkling of offered to introduce me to her, observing, at her eyes, that she would not have thought the same time, that she was a reigning toast herself affronted in being the subject of a worth ten thousand pounds. This piece of duel. I was by no means pleased with this information made my heart bound with joy, discovery of her thoughts, which not only and I discovered great eagerness to accept argued the most unjustifiable vanity, but the proposal; upon which he assured me I likewise the most barbarous indifference; should dance with her at the next assembly, however, I was allured by her fortune, and if he had any influence in that quarter: so was resolved to gratify her pride, in making saying, he went round, spoke to her some her the occasion of a public quarrel between minutes, and, as I imagined, pointed at me; me and Bragwell, who, I was pretty certain, then returning, told me, to my inexpressible would never drive matters to a dangerous pleasure, that I might depend upon what he extremity. had promised, for she was now engaged as While we danced together, I observed my partner. Banter, in a whisper, gave me this formidable rival at one end of the room, to understand, that she -was an incorrigible encircled with a cluster of beaux, to whom coquette, who would grant the same favour he talked with great vehemence, casting many to any young fellow in England of a tolera- big looks at me, from time to time. I guessed ble appearance, merely to engage him among the subject of his discourse, and, as soon as I the herd of her admirers, that she might have had handed my partner to her seat, strutted the pleasure of seeing them daily increase; up to the place where he stood, and, cockthat she was of a cold insensible disposition, ing my hat in his face, demanded aloud if he dead to every passion but vanity, and so had any thing to say to me. He answered blind to merit, that he would lay any wager with a sullen tone-" Nothing at present ADVENTURES OF RODERICK RANDOM. 141 sir;" and turned about upon his heel. "Well," plexities, that kept me awake the greatest said I, "you knovw where I am to be found at part of the night. any time." His companions stared at one In the morning, Strap, with whom I had another, and I returned to the lady, whose not conversed for two days, presented himself features brightened at my approach, and im- with the utensils for shaving me; upon which, mediately a whisper ran through the whole I asked his opinion of the lady whom he had room; after which so many eyes were turned seen me conduct to her coach at Hampstead, upon me, that I was ready to sink with con- -" Odd! she's a delicious creature," cried fusion. When the ball broke up, I led her he, "and, as I am informed, a great forto her coach, and, like a true French gallant, tune. I am sorry you did not insist on going would have got up behind it, in order to pro- home with her. I dare say, she would not tect her from violence on the road; but she have refused your company; for she seemed absolutely refused my offer, and expressed to be a good-humoured soul." "There's a her concern that there was not an empty time for all things," said I. "You must seat for me within the vehicle. know, Strap, I was in company with her till Next day in the afternoon, I waited on her one o'clock this morning." I had no sooner at her lodgings, by permission, in company pronounced these words than he began to with Chatter, and was very civilly received caper about the room, and snap his fingers, by her mother with whom she lived; there crying, in a transport,-" The day's our own! were a good many fashionable people present, -the day's our own!" I gave him to unchiefly young fellows; immediately after tea, derstand that his triumph was a little premaa couple of card-tables were set, at one of ture, and that I had more difficulties to which I had the honour to play with Melinda, surmount than he was aware of; then I who, in less than three hours, made shift to recounted to him the intelligence I had replunder me of eight guineas. I was well ceived from Banter. At which he changed enough content to lose a little money with colour, shook his head, and observed there a good grace, that I might have an opportu- was no faith in woman. I told him I was nity, in the mean time, to say soft things, resolved to make a bold push notwithstandwhich are still more welcome when accom- ing, although I foresaw it would lead me into panied with good luck; but I was by no a great expense; and bade him guess the means satisfied of her fair play; a circum- sum I had lost last night at cards. He stance that shocked me not a little, and scratched his chin, and professed his abhorgreatly impaired my opinion of her disinte- rence of cards, the very name of which being restedness and delicacy. IIowever, I was mentioned, made him sweat with vexation, resolved to profit by this behaviour, and treat as it recalled the money-dropper to his her in my turn with less ceremony; and ac- remembrance;-" But, however," said he, cordingly, I laid close siege to her, and find- "you have to do with other guess-people ing her not at all disgusted with the gross now. Why, I suppose, if you had a bad run incense I offered, that very night made a de- last night, you would scarce come off for less claration of love in plain terms. She received than ten or twelve shillings." I was mortimy addresses with great gaiety, and pretend- fied at this piece of simplicity, which I ed to laugh them off; but, at the same time, imagined, at that timne, was all affected, by treated me with such particular complacency, way of reprimand for my folly; and asked that I was persuaded I had made a conquest with some heat, if he thought I spent the of her heart, and concluded myself the evening in a cellar with chairmen and bunhappiest man alive. Elevated with these ters; giving him to know, at the same time, flattering ideas, I sat down again to cards that my expense had amounted to eighteen after supper, and with great cheerfulness guineas. It would require the pencil of suffered myself to be cheated of ten guineas Hogarth to express the astonishment and more. concern of Strap, on hearing this piece of It was late before I took my leave, after news; the bason in which he was preparing being favoured with a general invitation; and the lather for my chin, dropped out of his when I got into bed, the adventures of the day hands, and he remained some time immovhindei'ed me from sleeping. Sometimes I able in that ludicrous attitude, with his mouth pleased myself with the hopes of possessing open, and his eyes thrust forward consideraa fine woman with ten thousand pounds: bly beyond their station; but remembering then I would ruminate on the character I my disposition, which was touchy and impahad heard of her from Banter, and compare tient of control, he smothered his chagrin, it with the circumstances of her conduct and attempted to recollect himself. With towards me, which seemed to bear too great this view he endeavoured to laugh, but, in a resemblance to the picture he had drawn. spite of his teeth, broke out in a whimper, This introduced a melancholy reflection on took up his wash-ball and pewter-pot, scrubthe expense I had undergone, and the small- bed my beard with the one, and discharged ness of my funds to support it, which, by the the other upon my face. I took no notice ot bye, were none of my own. In short, I his confusion, but after he had fully recover. found myself involved in doubts and per- ed himself, put him in mind of his right, and 142 SMOLLETT'S SELECT WORKS. assured him of my readiness to surrender his necessary cheats of your profession, and deeffects whenever he should think proper to tect the conspiracies that will be formed demand them. He was nettled at my insin- against you. Besides, you are downright tlation, which he thought proceeded from my bashful —What the devil! set up for a fordistrust of his friendship; and begged I tune-hunter before you have conquered the would never talk to him in that strain again, sense of shame! perhaps you are entitled by unless I had a mind to break his heart. your merit, and I believe you are, to a richer This good creature's unalterable friendship and better wife than Melinda; but, take my for me affected me with the most grateful word for it, she is not to be won at that rate; sentiments, and acted as a spur to my reso- or, if you are so lucky as to carry her, belution of acquiring a fortune, that I might tween you and me, you may say, as Teague have it in my power to manifest my gene- did, By my soul, I have gained a loss! She rosity in my turn. For this purpose I deter- would take care to spend her fortune in a mined to bring matters to a speedy conclu- twinkling, and soon make you sick of her sion with Melinda; well knowing that a few extravagance." I was alarmed by his dis such nights as the last, would effectually course, while I resented the freedom of it, incapacitate me from prosecuting that or any and expressed my disgust, by telling him, he other advantageous amour. was mistaken in my intentions, and desiring While my meditations were busied in he would give me leave to regulate my conplanning out my future conduct, Mr Banter duct according to the dictates of my own favoured me with a visit; and, after break- reason. He made an apology for the liberty fast, asked how I had passed the preceding he had taken, and ascribed it to the warmth evening? I answered, I was veTyagreeably of his friendship for me; as an uncommon entertained at a private house. "Yes," instance of which, he borrowed five guineas, said he, with a sarcastic smile, " you deserv- assuring me there were very few people in ed something extraordinary for the price the world whom he would so far favour with you paid." I was surprised at this remark, his confidence. I gave him the money, and and pretended ignorance of his meaning. professed myself so well convinced of his " Come, come, Random," continued he, sincerity, that he had no occasion to put it "you need not make a mystery of it to me, to such extraordinary proofs for the future. the whole town has it. I wish that foolish "I thought," said he, "to have asked five affair between you and Bragwell at Hamp- pieces more, but hearing you were bubbled of stead had been less public. It has set all the eighteen last night, I presumed you might busy-bodies at work to find out your real be out of cash, and resolved to model my decharacter and situation; and you cannot mand accordingly." I could not help admirimagine what conjectures have already cir- ing the cavalier behaviour of this spark, of culated at your expense. One suspects you whom I desired to know his reason for sayto be a jesuit in disguise; another thinksyou ing I was bubbled. He then gave me to are an agent from the pretender; a third understand, that, before he came to my believes you to be an upstart gamester, be- lodgings, he had beat up Tom Tossle, who, cause nobody knows any thing of your family having been present, informed him of the or fortune; a fourth is of opinion that you particulars, rehearsed all the fine things I are an Irish fortune-hunter." This last hy- said to Melinda, with which he proposes to pothesis touched me so nearly, that to con- entertain the town; and, among other circeal my confusion, I was fain to interrupt his cumstances, assured him, my mistress cheatdetail, and damn the world for an envious ed me with so little art, that nobody but a meddling community, that would not suffer a mere novice could have been imposed gentleman to live without molestation. He upon. took no notice of this apostrophe, but went The thoughts of becoming a subject of on, —" For my own part, I neither know, raillery for coxcombs, and losing my money nor desire to know, who or what you are; to boot, stung me to the quick; but I made this I am certain of, that few people make a virtue of my indignation, and swore that a mystery of their origin or situation, who no man should, with impunity, either asperse can boast of any thing advantageous in either; the character of Melinda, or turn my behaand my own opinion of the matter is, that viour into ridicule. He replied in a dry you have raised yourself by your industry, manner, that I would find it an Herculean from nothing to the appearance you now task to chastise every body who would laugh maintain, and which you endeavour to sup- at my expense; and as for the character of port by some matrimonial scheme." Here Melinda, he did not see how it could suffer he fixed his eyes steadfastly upon me, and by what was laid to her charge; for that perceiving my face covered with blushes, cheating at cards, far from being reckoned a told me, now he was confirmed in his opin- blemish among people of fashion, was looked ion:-" Look ye, Random," said he, " I upon as an honourable indication. of superior have divined your plan, and am confident it genius and address —" But let us wave this will never succeed. You are too honest, subject," said he, "and go to the coffeehouse, and too ignorant of the town, to practise the in order to mnake a party for dinner." ADVENTURES OF RODERICK RANDOM. 143 he was compelled to repair. That his landCHAPTER XLVIII, lord, believing him distracted, had insisted on his quitting his apartment at a minute's We repair to the cqffeehouse, where we over- warning, and he was put to incredible inconhear a curious dispute between Wagtail venience; but now he was settled in a very and M1edlar, which is referred to our de- comfortable house, and had the use of a large cision-the doctor gives an account of paved yard for preparing his tinder: so that his experiment —Medlar is roasted by he hoped in a very short time to reap the Banter at the ordinary-the old gentle- fruits of his labour. man s advice to me. After having congratulated the doctor on his prospect, and read the papers, we reBEING as willing to drop the theme, as he paired to an auction of pictures, where we to propose it, I accompanied him thither, entertained ourselves an hour or two. From where we found Mr Medlar and Dr Wagtail thence we adjourned to the Mall, and, after disputing upon the word custard, which the two or three turns, went back to dinner, physician affirmed should be spelled with a Banter assuring us, that he intended to roast g, because it was derived from the Latin Medlar at the ordinary; and indeed we were word gustare, —"to taste." But Medlar no sooner seated, than the cynic began to pleaded custom in behalf of c, observing, that, execute his purpose, by telling the old genby the doctor's rule, we ought to change tleman, that he looked extremely well, conpudding into budding, because it is derived sidering the little sleep he had enjoyed last from the French word boudin; and in that night. To this compliment Medlar made no case, why not retain the original orthography reply, but by a stare accompanied with a sigand pronunciation of all the foreign words nificant grin;-and Banter went on thus:we have adopted; by which means our lan- "I don't know whether most to admire the guage would become a dissonant jargon, with- charity of your mind, or the vigour of your out standard or propriety? The controversy body. Upon my soul, Mr Medlar, you do was referred to us; and Banter, notwith- generous things with the best taste of any standing his real opinion to the contrary, man I know: you extend your compassion decided it in favour of Wagtail: upon which to real objects, and exact only such returns the peevish annuitant arose, and uttering the as they are capable of making. You must monosyllable "Pish!" with great emphasis, know, gentlemen," (said he turning to the removed to another table. company) " I had been up most part of the We then inquired of the doctor what pro- night with a friend who is ill of a fever, and gress he had made in the experiment of dis- on my return home this morning chanced to tilling tinder water; and he told us he had pass by a gin-shop still open, whence issued been at all the glass-houses about town, but a confused sound of mirth and jollity: upon could find nobody who would undertake to which I popped in my head, and perceived blow a retort large enough to hold the third Mr Medlar dancing bare-headed in the midst part of the quantity prescribed; but he in- of ten or twenty ragged bunters, who retended to try the process on as much as joiced at his expense. But indeed, Mr Medwoukd produce five drops, which would be lar, you ought not to sacrifice your constisufficient to prove the specific, and then he tution to your benevolence. Consider you wou'd make it a parliamentary affair: that he grow old apace; and therefore have a revehad already purchased a considerable weight rend care of your health, which must cerof ratigs, in reducing which to tinder, he had tainly be very much impaired by these nocmet with a misfortune, which had obliged turnal expeditions." The testy senior could him to change his lodgings; for he had ga- no longer contain himself, but cried hastily, thered them in a heap on the floor, and set "'Tis well known that your tongue is no fire to them with a candle, on the supposition slander." " I think," said the other, "' you that the boards would sustain no damage, might spare that observation, as you are because it is the nature of flame to ascend; very sensible, that my tongue hath done you but by some very extraordinary accident signal service on many occasions. You mnay the wood was invaded, and began to blaze remember, that when you made your addresswith great violence, which disordered him es to the fat widow, who kept a public so much, that he had not presence of mind house at Islington, there was a report spread enough to call for assistance, and the whole very much to the prejudice of your manhood, house must have been consumed, with him which coming to the ears of your mistress, in tile midst of it, had not the smoke, that youwerediscardedimmediately, andIbrought rolled out of the windows in clouds, alarmed matters to a reconciliation, by assuring her the neighbourhood, and brought people to you had three bastards at nurse in the counhis succour; that he had lost a pair of black try: how you ruined your own affair aftervelvet breeches' and a tie-wig in the hurry, wards, it is neither my business nor inclinabesides the expense of the rags, which were tion to relate." This anecdote, which had rendered useless by the water used to quench no other foundation than in BIanter's own the flame, and the damage of the floor, which invention, afforded a good deal of mirth to 144 SMOLLETT'S SELECT WORKS. every body present, and provoked Mr Med- me, that he was a very pretty gentleman of lar beyond all sufferance; so that he started family and fortune; a scholar, a wit, a critic, up in a mighty passion, and, forgetting that and perfectly well acquainted with the town; his mouth was full, bespattered those who that his honour and courage were unquessat next to him, while he discharged his in- tionable, though some extravagances he had dignation in a volley of oaths, and called been guilty of, and his talent for satire, ha(c Banter insignificant puppy, impertinent jack- procured him enemies, and made some peoanapes, and a hundred such appellations; ple shy of his acquaintance. From these telling the company, he had invented these different sketches, I concluded that Banter false malicious aspersions, because he would was a young fellow of some parts, who had not lend him money to squander away upon spent his fortune, but retained his appetites, rooks and whores. "A very likely story and fallen out with the world, because he (said Banter), that I should attempt to bor- could not enjoy it to his wish. row money of a man who is obliged to prac- I went to the Bedford coffeehouse in the tise a thousand shifts to make his weekly evening, where I met my friends, from allowance hold out till Saturday's night. thence proceeded to the play, and afterwards Sometimes he sleeps four-and-twenty hours carried them home to my lodgings, where at a stretch, by which means he saves three we supped in great good humour. meals besides coffeehouse expense. Sometimes he is fain to put up with bread and cheese and small beer for dinner; and some- CHAPTER XLIX. times he regales on two penny worth of oxcheek in a cellar." " You are a lying mis- I receive a challenge-the consequences of creant," cried Medlar, in an ecstasy of rage, it-the quarrel being made up, am put in " I can always command money enough to arrest, by the care and affection of Strap pay your tailor's bill, which I am sure is no -but immediately released upon explaintrifle; and I have a good mind to give you a ing my affair-the behaviour of AIr convincing proof of my circumstances, by Oregan and his two friends —I visit Mieprosecuting you for defamation, sirrah." By linda, whom I divert with an account of this time the violence of his wrath had de- the duel-propose marriage-she refers prived him of his appetite, and he sat silent, the matter to her mother, of whom I make unable to swallow one mouthful, while his a solemn demand of her daughter-the tormentor enjoyed his mortification, and in- old lady's behaviour-I am discardedcreased his chagrin, by advising him to lay resent their disdain. in plentifully for his next day's fast. Dinner being ended, we came down stairs WHEN I was ready to go abroad next day, to the coffeeroom, and Banter went away to Strap brought me a letter, To Mr Random, keep an appointment, saying he supposed he Esq. Those —which, upon opening, I found should see Wagtail and me in the evening contained a challenge, conceived in these at the Bedford coffeehouse. He was no very extraordinary terms: sooner gone, than the old gentleman took "SIR,-Whereas I am informed that you me aside, and said he was sorry to see me make love to Miss Melinda Goosetrap-This so intimate with that fellow, who was one is to let you know that she is under promise of the most graceless rakes about town, and of marriage to me; and that I am at this had already wasted a good estate and con- present waiting at the back of Montaguestitution upon harlots; that he had been the house, with a pair of good pistols in my hand; ruin of many a young man, by introducing and if you will keep your appointment, I will them into debauched company, and setting make your tongue confess (after the breath is a lewd example of all manner of wicked- out of your body) that you do not deserve ness; and that, unless I was on my guard, her as well as, yours, &c. lie would strip me in a short time both of my " ROURK OREGAN." money and reputation. I thanked him for I guessed, from the style and subscription his information, and promised to conduct of this billet, that my rival was a true Milemyself accordingly, wishing, however, his sian, and was not a little uneasy at the concaution had been a few hours more early, by tents, especially that part in which he asserwhich means I might have saved five guineas. ted his right to my mistress by promise, a Notwithstanding this intelligence, I was in- circumstance I did not know how to reconiclinable to impute sonle part of the charge cile to her good sense and penetration. to Medlar's revenge for the liberties taken However, this was no time for me to decline with him at dinner; and, therefore, as soon the defiance, because the success of my adas I could disengage myself, applied to Wag- dresses might, in a great measure, depend tail for his opinion of the character in ques- upon my behaviour in that affair. I theretion; resolved to compare their accounts, fore immediately loaded my pistols, and beallowing for the prejudice of each, and to took myself in a hackney-coach to the place form my judgment upon both, without adhe- appointed, where I found a tall raw-boned u'g strictly to either. The doctor assured man, with a hard featured countenance, and ADVENTURES OF RODERICK RANDOM. black bushy beard, walking by himself, wrap- if she should remain blind to his deser ped up in a shabby great-coat, over which nothing was more capricious than a wo his own hair descended in a leathern queue mind, and the affection of that sex wt from his head, that was covered with a dom purchased with virtue alone. Tl greasy hat trimmed with a tarnished point declaration might have the better effec d'Espagne. He no sooner perceived me took notice of his dishabille; and professl advancing, than he pulled a pistol from his sorrow at seeing a gentleman reduced, slip bosom, and presenting it at me, snapped it ped two guineas into his hand: at sight of without the least preamble. Alarmed at which he threw away his pistols, and hugthis rude salutation, I made a stand; and ging me in his arms, cried,-" Arrah, by before he could adjust his other piece, fired Jasus now, you are the best friend I have met one of mine at him, without doing any with these seven long years." When I had daniage. By this time he was ready with suffered some minutes in his embrace, he his second, that flashed in the pan without quitted me, and picking up his rusty arms, going off: upon which he called with a true wished the devil might burn him, if ever he Tipperary cadence,-" Fire away, honey," should give me any further trouble about and began to hammer his flint with great de- womankind. liberation. But I was resolved to make use The quarrel being thus amicably comof the advantage fortune had given me; posed, I begged leave to look at his pistols, and therefore stepped up, without throwing which I found so crazy and so foul, that I away my fire, desiring him to ask his life, or believe it was happy for him neither of them prepare for another world; but this stout was discharged, for one of them would cerHibernian refused to condescend, and com- tainly have split in the going off, and he plained bitterly of my having quitted my would, in all probability, have lost his hand ground before he could return my shot; say- in the explosion; but what gave me a lively ing, I ought to go back to my station, and let idea of the man's character, was to find, upon him have an equal chance with me. I en- examination, that one of them had been deavoured to persuade him that I had given loaded without being primed, and the other nim a double chance already; and it was my primed without a charge. business to prevent him from enjoying a While we walked home together, I exthird;-but now, since I had an opportunity, pressed a desire of knowing my new friend's I demanded a parley, and desired to know history: and he informed me of his having his condition, and reason for calling me to served in the German army as a volunteer the field, who, to the best of my remembrance, against the Turks; that, for his behaviour at far from having done him any injury, had the siege of Belgrade, he had be* honoured never before seen him. He told me that with an ensign's commission, and afterwards he was a gentleman of fortune, who had promoted to the rank of lieutenant, in which spent all he had, and hearing that Melinda station it was his misfortune to affront his had got ten thousand pounds, he intended captain, who challenged him to the field, and to make himself master of that sum by was killed in the duel, upon which he was espousing her, and was determined, in an obliged to retreat:-that he had been in Enghonourable way, to cut the throats of all land some years soliciting his friends for those who stood between him and his provision in the British army; but being hopes. I then demanded to know the foun. hitherto unsuccessful, was desired by Mr dation of his hopes; and, now, that I had Gahagan to turn his thoughts to matrimony, seen him, being more and more astonished and make his fortune by an advantageous at the circumstance of the promise, desired match: in consequence of which advice, he that he would explain that mystery; he gave had made up to Melinda, and having heard, me to understand that he trusted entirely to by means of an Irish footman in the family, his birth and personal merit; that he had that I was her chief favourite, had called me frequently written to Melinda, setting forth out, in hopes of removing, by my death, the his claim and pretensions, but she was never greatest obstruction to his desires: but now kind enough to send an answer, or even to he was convinced of my honour and generadmit him into -her presence; and that the osity, he swore, by the blessed Virgin, he promise he mentioned in his letter was made would think of her no more, if there was not by his friend Mr Gahagan, who assured him, another woman in the world. As a farther that no woman could resist a man of his ap- proof of his veracity, which I did not at all pearance. I could not forbear laughing to doubt, he opened an old iron snuff-box, and excess at the simplicity of my rival, who did pulled out his commission in the imperia; not seem to relish my mirth, but began to be army, and his captain's challenge, which he very serious: upon which I endeavoured to preserved as testimonials of his character. appease him, by giving him my word of ho- I was so well convinced of this poor man's nour, that, far from prejudicing his addresses honesty and courage, that I determined to to the lady, I would represent him to her in speak in his behalf to some of my acquaintthe most favourable light I could with any ance, who might recommend his case to the regard to truth; but he must not be surprised consideration of those who could provide for 4 M* 58 SMOLLETT'S SELECT WORKS. and, in the mean time, to accommodate projected many excellent schemes for the rith a few clothes, by which his appear- good of his country. But it seems these vould be much mended, and himself en- literati had been very ill rewarded for their to renew his solicitations in person. ingenious labours; for between them both.s we walked along, conversing socially there was but one shirt and half a pair of,ether, we were met byafile ofmusketeers, breeches. I thanked them very kindly for,ad Strap at their head, who no sooner ap- their readiness to assist me, and having ofproached, than, with a frantic look, he cried, fered my service in my turn, bade them good — " Seize them!-in the name of God! seize morrow, desiring Oregan to accompany me them." We were accordingly surrounded, to my lodgings, where he was fitted with and I put in arrest by the Corporal, who was decent clothes from my wardrobe, so much commanding officer: but Captain Oregan to his satisfaction, that he swore eternal gratidisengaged himself, and ran with such speed tude and friendship to me, and, at my re. towards Tottenham-court road, that he was quest, recounted all the adventures of his out of sight in a moment. When my arms life. were delivered up, and myself secured, Strap In the afternoon I waited on Melinda, who became a little more composed, and asked received me with great kindness and familipardon for the liberty he had taken, which arity, and laughed excessively at my advenhe hoped I would excuse, as it proceeded ture with the Irishman, to whose wishes from his affection. He then told me, that, she was no stranger, having more than a suspecting the letter (which by the bye was dozen letters in her possession, which he brought by the author himself) contained had wrote to her on the subject of love, something extraordinary, he had peeped and which, for my entertainment, she subthrough the key-hole, and seen me load my mitted to my perusal. Having made ourpistols; upon which he ran down to White- selves merry at the expense of this poor hall, and applied to the officer on guard for a admirer, I seized the opportunity of her moparty to put me in arrest: but before he re- ther's going' out of the room, and introduced turned, I was gone in a coach; that he had my own passion, which I recommended to inquired which way I went, and having heard her with all the ardour and eloquence I was that duels were commonly fought at the back master of. I flattered, sighed, swore, enof Montague house, he conducted the guard treated, and acted a thousand extravaganto this place, where he thanked God for hav- cies, in hopes of making some inlpression on ing found me safe and sound. I gave him to her heart; but she heard every thing I said understand that I forgave his officious con- without discovering the least emotion; and cern for'ace, but cautioned him, in pretty other company came in before she would severe terms, for making me the subject of vouchsafe one serious reply. After tea, the idle conversation for the fuiture; then, turn- cards were brought in, according to custom, ing to the corporal, thanked him for his care, and it was my good fortune to have Melinda and gave him a crown to drink with his men, for my partner; by which means, instead of assuring him that the rencontre was over losing, I came off with five guineas clear gain. long before he came up, and every thing I soon became acquainted with a good compromised, as he might have observed by many people of fashion, and spent my time our behaviour; as a farther proof of which in the modish diversions of the town, such as he would find, upon examination, that one of plays, operas, masquerades, drums, assemmy pistols had been discharged; but this civil blies, and puppet-shows; chiefly in compaperson, without giving himself or me any ny with Melinda, whom I cultivated with all further trouble, received the bounty with a the eagerness and address that my prospect thousand bows and acknowledgements, and could inspire, or my education afford: I returning the pistols, released me imme- spared neither my person nor my purse to diately. gratify her vanity and pride: my rivals were He was not gone a hundred yards,:when intimidated, and indeed outshone; and, after my friend Oregan came up, in order to rescue all, I began to fear that the dear creature me, with two tatterdemalions, whom he had had not a heart to lose. At last, finding myengaged for that purpose about the purlieus self unable to support the expense of this of St Giles's: one of them was armed with amour much longer, I was determined to a musket that wanted a lock, and another bring the matter to a crisis; and one evenwith a rusty broad-sword; but their dress ing, while we were together ny ourselves, surpassed all description. When he un- complained of her indifference, described the lerstood I was already free, he made an tortures of suspense to a love-sick mind, and apology for his abrupt departure, and intro- pressed her to disclose her sentiments of duced me to his two companions; first, to matrimony and me, with such earnestness, counsellor Fitz-clabber, who, he told me, was that she could not, with all her art, shift the then employed in compiling a history of the subject, but was obliged to come to an eckingrs of Munster, from Irish manuscripts; laircissement. She told me with a careless and then to his friend Mr Gahagan, who was air, that she had no objection to my person, a profuiilld philosoher and politician, and had and, if I could satisfy her mother in other ADVENTURE;S OF RODERICK RANDOM. 147 particulars, I should not find her averse to my charming Narcissa was a continual check the match; but she was resolved to do no- upon my conscience, during the whole thing in such a momentous concern without course of my addresses; and perhaps conthe advice and consent of her parent. This tributed to the bad success of my scheme, by was no very agreeable declaration to me, controlling my raptures, and condemning whose aim had been to win her inclination my design. first, and then secure my conquest by a pri- There was a necessity for informing my vate marriage, to whichI flattered myself she companion of every thing that happened to would express no reluctance. That I might nie, and I performed this piece of duty in an not, h ever, desert my cause before it was affected passion, swearing I would be his desperale, I waited on her mother, and with pack-horse no longer, and desiring him to great formality demanded the daughter in take the management of his affairs into his marriage. The good lady, who was a very own hands. This finesse had the desired notable woman, behaved with great state effect: for, instead of grumbling over my and civility; thanked me for the honour I miscarriage, Strap was frightened at the intended her family; and said, she did not passion I feigned, and begged me, for the doubt that I was in all respects qualified love of God, to be appeased; observing, to make a woman happy; but it concerned that although we had suffered a great loss, her, as a parent anxious about the welfare of it was not irreparable; and if fortune frownher child, to inquire into the particulars of my ed to-day, she might, perhaps, smile to-morfortune, and know what settlement I propo- row. I pretended to acquiesce in his resed to make. To this intimation, which marks, praise his equanimity, and promise to would have utterly disconcerted me if I had improve by misfortune. He, on the other not expected it, I replied, without hesitation, hand, pretended to be perfectly well satisfithat, though my fortune was very small, I ed with my conduct, and conjured me to folwas a gentleman by birth and education, low the dictates of my own reflection; but, would maintain her daughter in the sphere of in spite of all his affectation, I could pera gentlewoman, and settle her own dowry ceive his inward affliction, and his visage on her and her heirs for ever. This careful sensibly increased in longitude from that matron did not seem to relish my proposal, day. but observed, with a demure countenance, that there was no necessity for settling that upon her child which was her own already: CHAPTER L. however, if I pleased, her lawyer should confer with mine upon the matter; and, in the I long to be revenged on Alelinila-apply mean time, she desired I would fav'our her to Banterfor his assistance-he contrives with the perusal of my rent-roll. Notwith- a scheme for that purpose, which is put standihg the vexation I was under, I could in execution with great success-I make scarce forbear laughing in her face, at the an attempt on the heart of lliss Gripemention of my rent-roll, which was, indeed, well,, ut am disappointed-grow melana severe piece of satire upon my pretensions. choly,'and have recourse to the bottle — I frankly owned I had no landed estate; and receive a billet-doux-cam ravished with told her, that I could not exactly specify the the contents-find myself involved in an sum I was master of, until I had regulated intrigue, which I imagined would make my affairs, which were at present in some my fortune-am confounded at my misdisorder; but that I would take an opportu- take, which banishes all thoughts of manity of satisfying her on that head very soon. trimony. It was not long before I took my leave, and returned to my lodgings in a very melan- IN the mean time, my attention was wholly choly mood, persuaded that I had nothing engrossed in search of another mistress, and more to expect from that quarter. I was the desire of being revenged on Melinda; confirmed in this opinion next day, when I in both which schemes I was very much went back with a view of explaining myself assisted by Billy Chatter, who was such a more fully to the old gentlewoman; and was necessary creature among the iadies, that in told by the footman that his ladies were not all private dances he engaged the men. To at home, although I had seen Melinda through him, therefore, I applied, desiring he would the blinds at a parlour window, as I went up introduce me to a partner of some figure at to the door. Incensed at this affront, I quit- the next private assembly, for the sake of a ted the door, without saying one word, and frolic, the intention of which I would as I repassed the parlour, bowed to miss, who afterwards communicate. Billy, who had still remained in the same situation, securely heard something of a difference between screened, as she thought, from my view. Melinda and me, immediately smoked part This disappointment gave me more unea- of my design, and, thinking I only wanted to siness on Strap's account than my own; for alarm her jealousy a little, promised to I was in no danger of dying for love of Me- gratify my desire, by matching me with a linda; on the contrary, the remembrance of partner worth thirty thousand pounds whom 148 SMOLLETT'S SELECT WORKS. the ladies of this end of the town had lately and longed for his acquaintance. He taken under their management and protec- actually engaged him on this pretence, and tion. Upon further inquiry, I found this painted his good fortune in such colours, that person's name was Miss Biddy Gripewell; the poor shaver was quite beside himself that her father, who had been a pawnbroker, with joy. He was immediately fitted with a died intestate, by which means all his tawdry suit of clothes belonging to Banter, substance descended to his daughter, who and by him recommended to Chatter as a was so little a favourite, that, could the old very pretty fellow just returned from his man have prevailed with his own rapacious travels. Mr Billy, who acted as gentleman disposition to part with as much money as usher to a great many of the fair se-x in and would have paid the expense of a will, she about town, undertook at once to %espeak would not have inherited a sixth part of his Melinda in his behalf; and every thing fortune: That, during his life, far from being happened according to my wish. educated in a way suitable to such great At the time appointed, I appeared dressed expectations, she was obliged to live like a to the best advantage; and, in the character servant wench, and do the most menial of marquis, had the honour of opening the offices in the family; but his funeral was no ball with the rich heiress, who attracted the sooner performed, than she assumed the fine eyes of the whole company by the prodigious lady, and found so many people of both sexes number ofjewels with which she was adornec to flatter, caress, and instruct her, that, for Among others, I perceived Melinda, who want of discretion and experience, she was could no more conceal her envy than astongrown insufferably vain and arrogant, and ishment at my success. Her curiosity was pretended to no less than a duke or earl at still more flagrant and tormenting, for she least for a husband: That she had the had never seen Miss Gripewell before; ano misfortune to be neglected by the English Chatter, who alone could give her any saquality, but a certain poor Scottish lord was tisfaction on that head, was engaged in conthen making interest to be introduced to her versation at the other end of the room. I acquaintance: in the mean time, she had observed her impatience, and exulted in her fallen into the hands of a notable lady, who chagrin; and, after my partner was seated, had already disposed of her to a lieutenant took the opportunity of passingbyher to make of foot, a distant relation of her ladyship, a slight bow without stopping; which comthough miss as yet knew nothing of the pleted my triumph and her indignation. She affair: And, lastly, that, if I proposed to changed colour, bridled up, assumed an air dance with her, I must give him leave to of disdain, and flirted her fan with such a fury, represent me as a knight or foreign count at that it went to pieces in a moment, to the least. I was ravished at this piece of no small entertainment of those who sat information, and consented, for one night, to near and observed her. personate a French marquis, that I might the At length the metamorphosed barber took easier fulfil my revenge. her out, and acted his part with such ridicuHaving made the appointment with Chat- lous extravagance, that the mirth of the whole ter, I went to Banter's lodgings, ash had by company was excited at his expense, and this time conceived a great opinion of his his partner so much ashamed, —that, before penetration and knowledge; and, after I had the country-dances began, she retired in enjoined secrecy, toldhim every circumstance great confusion, under pretence of being of my disgrace with Melinda, and imparted taken suddenly ill, and was followed by her the plan I had projected to mortify that gallant, who, no doubt, imagined her indisproud coquette, desiring his advice in im- position was nothing but love; and laid hold proving, and assistance in executing, the of the occasion of conducting her home, to scheme. Nothing could be more agreeable comfort her, with an assurance of his enterto his misanthropical temper than an account taining a reciprocal passion. They were no of her behaviour and my resentment. He sooner gone, than an inquisitive whisper of,applauded my resolution, and proposed that "Who is hel" ran round the room; and ChatI should not only provide myself with a ter could give no other intelligence about proper partner, but also procure such an one him, than that he was a man of fortune just for Miss Goosetrap as should infallibly entail returned from his travels. I, who alone was upon her the ridicule of all her acquaintance. acquainted with his real quality, affected For this purpose he mentioned his barber, ignorance, well knowing that female curiwho, he said, was an exceedingly great osity would not rest satisfied with such a coxcomb, lately come from Paris, whose general account, and that the discovery absurd affectation and grimace would easily would proceed with a better grace from any pass upon her for the sprightly politesse of a body than me. gentleman improved by travel. I hugged Meanwhile, I was tempted by the richness him for this hint; and he assured me, it of the prize to practise upon Miss Gripewould be no difficult matter to make him well's heart, but soon found it too well foruelieve that Melinda, having seen him by tified with pride and indifference to yield to accident, was captivated by his appearance, any efforts in my own character; and I nei. ADVENTURES OF RODERICK RANDOM. 149 ther would nor could preserve the title I had her understanding; and, in the most pathetic borrowed longer than that night. manner, implored the honour of an interview. As I expected, every thing came to light Having finished this performance, and comnext day. The barber, in pure simplicity of municated it to Strap, —who skipped aboutfor heart, detected himself to Melinda, and dis- joy,-I despatched him with itto the place apcovered the foundation of his hopes: she pointed, which was the house of a milliner sickened at the affront, and was ashamed to not far from Bond-street; and desired him to show her face in public for many weeks keep watch near the door for some time, after this accident. Poor Chatter found it that he might discover the person who should impossible to justify himself to her satis- call forit. In less than an hour he returned faction; was in utter disgrace with Miss with a joyful countenance and told me, that, Gripewell, for having imposed me upon her soon after he had delivered the letter, a as a nobleman, and suffered very much in chairman was called, to whom it was given, his character and influence among the ladies with directions to carry it to the house of a in general. rich gentleman in the neighbourhood, whither Finding my finances diminished more than he (Strap) followed him, and saw it put into one half, and my project as little advanced the hands of a waiting-woman, who paid as on the first day of my arrival in town, the messenger and shut the door: that upon I began to despair of success, and grew an inquiry at an alehouse hard by, where he melancholy at the prospect of approaching called for a pint of beer, he understood the want. To dispel the horrors of this fiend, gentleman to whom the house belonged had I had recourse to the bottle, and kept more an only daughter, very handsome, who would company than ever. I became particularly inherit his whole estate, and who certainly attached to the playhouse, conversed with was the author of the billet I had received. the actors behind the scenes, grew acquaint- I was of the same opinion; and hugging myed with a body of templars, and in a short self in the happy prospect, dressed immeditime commenced a professed wit and.critic. ately, and passed in great state by the house Indeed, I may say without vanity, that I was that contained my unknown admirer. Nor much better qualified than any one of my was my vanity disappointed: for I perceived companions, who were, generally speaking, a beautiful young creature standing at one of all the creatures I ever conversed with, the of the windows of the dining-room, who, most ignorant and assuming. By means of I imagined, observed me with more than these avocations, I got the better of care; common curiosity. That I might indulge and learned to separate my ideas in such her view, and at the same time feast my a manner, that, whenever I was attacked by own, I affected to stop, and gave orders to a gloomy reflection, I could shove it aside, Strap, in the street, just opposite to her staand call in some agreeable reverie to my tion: by which means I had an opportunity assistance. This was not the case with, of seeing her more distinctly, and of congraStrap, who practised a thousand shifts to tulating myself on having made a conquest conceal the sorrow that preyed upon his of so much perfection. In a few minutes carcass, and reduced him to the resemblance she retired, and I betook myself to the ordiof a mere skeleton. nary, in a rapture of hope,-which deprived While I thus posted in a thoughtless man- me of appetite for that meal, and sent me ner towards poverty, I one day received, by home in the evening to indulge my contemthe penny-post, a letter, written in a wo- plation. man's hand, containing a great many high- Early next day I was favoured with anflown compliments, warm protestations of other epistle from my unknown charmer,love, couched in a very poetical style, an signifying her unutterable joy at the receipt earnest desire of knowing whether or not of mine, which, while it made a tender of my heart was engaged, by leaving an answer my heart, convinced her of the value of it. at a certain place, directed to R. B., and the Above all things, she professed extreme whole subscribed —" Your incognita." I was pleasure in finding me so much attached to transported with joy on reading the contents her understanding, a circumstance that not of this billet-doux, which I admired as a mas- only flattered her in the most sensible part, terpiece of tenderness and elegance, and but at the same time argued my own sagacity. was already up to the ears in love with the As for the interview I desired, she assured author, whom my imagination represented me, that I could not be more eager for such as a lady of fortune in the bloom of youth an occasion than she: but she must not only and beauty. Elevated with this conjecture, sacrifice a little more to decorum, but be I went to work, and exhausted my invention satisfied of my honourable intentions, before in composing an answer suitable to the sub- she would grant that request: meanwhile, limity of her style, and the ardour of her she gave me to understand, that although sentiments. I expressed my admiration of she might owe some deference to the opinion her wit in terms the most hyperbolical; and of certain persons, she was resolved, in an while I acknowledged myself unworthy of affair that so nearly concerned her happiher regard, declared myself enamoured of ness, to consult her own inclination, prefer582 150 SMOLLETT'S SELECT WORKS. ably to the advice of the whole world: espe- When I had disengaged myself from him, cially as she was urged to such condescension whose conversation grew insipid to me, I by no consideration of fortune,-what she went home and made Strap acquainted with depended upon being her own without re- the fruit of my researches. This faithful striction or controul. Struck with admira- squire was almost choked with transports, tion at the philosophy and self-denial of my and even wept with joy;-but whether on mistress, who seemed insensible of the beauty account of himself or me, I shall not pretend she possessed, and, in particular, ravished to determine. Next day a third billet-doux with that piece of intelligence, by which I was brought to me, containing many exlearned her fortune was independent, I resu- pressions of tenderness, mingled with some med the pen, launched out into encomiums doubts about the artifice of man, the inconon the dignity of lher sentiments, affected to stancy of youth, and the jealousy often atundervalue the charms of external beauty, tending the most sincere passion; withal pretended to ground my passion on the qua- desiring I would excuse her, if she should lities of her mind, complained of her rigour try me a little longer, before she declared in sacrificing my repose to an over-scrupu- herself beyond the power of retracting. ious regard to decorum, and declared the pu- These interesting scruples added fuel to my rity of my designs in the most solemn and flame, and impatience to my hope. I repathetic vows. This performance being doubled my complaints of her indifference, sealed and directed, was sent to the place and pressed her to an assignation with such appointed, by Strap, who, that we might be fervid entreaties, that, in a few days, she constill the more confirmed in our belief, re- sented to meet me at the house of that newed his watch, and in a little time brought milliner who had forwarded all my letters. back the same information as before,-with During the interval between the date of her this addition, that Miss Sparkle (the name promise and the hour of appointment, my of my correspondent) looking out at the win. pride soared beyond all reason and descripdow, no sooner saw the messenger arrive, tion; I lost all remembrance of the gentle than she shut the casement in a sort of beau- Narcissa, and my thoughts were wholly emtiful confusion, and disappeared, eager, no ployed in planning triumphs over the malice doubt, to hear from the dear object of her love. and contempt of the world. My doubts now vanished, the long-ex- At length the happy hour arrived. I flew pected port appeared, and I looked upon to the place of rendezvous, and was conmyself as perfectly secure of that happiness ducted into an apartment, where I had not I had been in quest of so long. After dinner waited ten minutes, when I heard the rustI sauntered, in company with Dr Wagtail, ling of silk and the sound of feet ascending to that part of the town in which my inam- the stairs: my heart took the alarm and beat orata lived; and as he was a mere register, quick, my cheeks glowed, my nerves thrilled, inquired of him into the name, character, and my knees shook with ecstasy. I perand fortune of every body who possessed a ceived the door opening, saw a gold brocade good house in the streets through which we petticoat advance, and sprung forward to passed: when it came to his turn to mention embrace my charmer. Heaven and earth! Sir John Sparkle, he represented him as a how shall I paint my situation, when I found mnan of an immense estate, and narrow dis- Miss Sparkle converted into a wrinkled hag position, who mewed up his only child, a turned of seventy! I was struck dumb with fine young lady, from the conversation of amazement, and petrified with horror. This mankind, under the strict watch and in- ancient Urganda perceived my disorder, and spection of an old governante, who was approaching with a languishing air, seized either so honest, envious, or insatiable, that my hand, asking, in a squeaking tone, if I nobody had been, as yet, able to make her a was indisposed. Her monstrous affectation friend or get access to her charge, though completed the disgust I had conceived for numbers attempted it every day not so her at first appearance; and it was a long much on account of her expectations from time before I could command myself so much her father, who, being a widower, might as to behave with common civility: at marry again and have sons, as for a fortune length, however, I recollected myself, and of twelve thousand pounds left her by an pronounced an apology for my behavior,, uncle, of which she could not be deprived. which, I said, proceeded from a dizziness This piece of news exactly tallying with the that seized me all of a sudden. My hoary last part of the letter I had been honoured Dulcinea, who, no doubt, had been alarmed vrith in the morning, had such an effect on at my confusion, no sooner learned the cause me, that anv men, except Wagtail, might have to which I now ascribed it, than she discoobserved my emotion; but his attention was vered her joy in a thousand amorous coquettoo much engrossed by the contemplation of ries, and assumed the sprightly airs of a girl his own importance, to suffer him to be ofsixteen. One whileshe ogled mewith her affected with the deportment of any other dim eyes quenched in rheum; then, as if she body, unless it happened to be so particular was ashamed of that freedom, she affected that he could not help taking notice of it. to look down, blush. and play with her fan; ADVENTURES OF RODERICK RANDOM. 15i then toss her head, that I might not perceive was my business to defer the ceremony as a palsy that shook it, ask some childish ques- long as possible, under the most specious tions with a lisping accent, giggle and grin pretences, with a view of becoming acquaintwith her mouth shut, to conceal the ravages ed with Miss Sparkle in the mean time; and of time upon her teeth, leer upon me again, I did not despair of success, when Iconsidered, sigh piteously, fling herself about in her that, in the course of our correspondence, I chair to show her agility, and act a great should in all probability be invited to visit my many more absurdities that youth and beauty mistress in her own apartment, and by these can alone excuse. Shocked as I was at my means have an opportunity of conversing disappointment, my disposition was incapa- with her charming ward. Pleased with this ble of affronting any person who loved me; prospect, my heart dilated with joy, I talked I therefore endeavoured to put a good face in raptures to the stale governante, and on the matter for the present, resolving to kissed her shrivelled hand with great devodrop the whole affair as soon as I should tion; she was so much transported with her get clear of her company: with this view I good fortune, that she could not contain her uttered some civil things, and, in particular, ecstasy, but flew upon me like a tigress, and desired to know the name of the lady who pressed her skinny lips to mine, when (as it had honoured'me so much. She told me was no doubt concerted by her evil genius) a her name was Withers; that she lived with dose of garlic she had swallowed that mornSir John Sparkle in quality of governess to ing, to dispel wind I suppose, began to his only daughter, in which situation she had operate with such a sudden explosion, that picked up a comfortable sufficiency to make human nature, circumstanced as I was, her easy for life; that she had the pleasure could not endure the shock with any degree of seeing me at church, where my appearance of temper. I lost all patience and reflection, and deportment made such an impression upon flung away from her in an instant, snatched her heart, that she could enjoy no ease till she my hat and cane, and ran down stairs as if had inquired into my character, which she the devil had me in pursuit, and could scarce found so amiable in all respects, that she restrain the convulsion of my bowels, which yielded to the violence of her inclination, and were grievously offended by the perfume that ventured to declare her passion, with too little assaulted me. Strap, who waited my return regard, perhaps, to the decorum of her sex: with impatience, seeing me arrive in the but she hoped I would forgive a trespass, of utmost disorder, stood motionless with apwhich I myself was, in some measure, the prehension, and durst not inquire into the cause; and impute her intrusion to the irre- cause. sistible dictates of love. No decayed rake After I had washed my mouth more than ever swallowed a bolus with more reluctance once, and recruited my spirits with a glass than I felt in making a reply suitable to this of wine, I recounted to him every particular compliment, when, instead of the jewel, I of what had happened; to which he made no found the crazy casket only in my power; other reply for some time, than lifting up his and yet my hopes began to revive a little eyes, clasping his hands, and uttering a when I considered that, by carrying on the hollow groan. At length he observed, in a appearance of an intrigue with the duenna, melancholy tone, that it was a thousand I might possibly obtain access to her charge. pities my organs were so delicate as to be Encouraged by this suggestion, my tem- offended with the smell of garlic:-" Ah! per grew more serene, my reserve wore off, God help us," said he, "'tis not the steams of I talked en cavalier, and even made love to garlic, no, nor of something else, that would this antiquated coquette, who seemed ex- give me the least uneasiness-see what it is tremely happy in her adorer, and spread all to be a cobbler's son." I replied hastily,her allurements to make her imagined con- "I wish then you would go and retrieve my quest more secure. The good woman of the miscarriage." At this suggestion he started, house treated us with tea and sweetmeats, forced a smile, and left the room, shaking his and afterwards withdrew, like a civil expe- head. Whether the old gentlewoman rerienced matron as she was. Left thus to sented my abrupt departure so much that her our mutual endearments, Miss Withers (for love changed into disdain, or was ashamed she was still a maiden) began to talk of matri- to see me on account of her infirmity, I know mony, and expressed so much impatience not, but I was never troubled again with her in all her behaviour, that had she been fifty passion. years younger, I might possibly have gratified her longing without having recourse to the church: but this step my virtue as CHAPTER LI. well as interest forbade. When the inclinations of an old maid settle upon a youngfel- I cultivate an acquaintance with two low, he is persecuted with her addresses; noblemen-am introduced to Earl Strut. but should he once grant her the favour, he well-his kind promises and invitationwill never be able to disentangle himself the behaviour of his porter and lacqueyfrom her importunities and reproaches. It he receives me with an appearance of 152 SMOLLETT'S SELECT WORKS. uncommon affection-undertakes to speak of the hand, and a whisper, signifying that in my behalf to the minister-informs he wanted half an hour's conversation with me of his success, and wishes me joy- me in private, when he should be disengaged, introduces a conversation about Petro- and for that purpose desired me to come and nius Arbiter-falls in love with my watch, drink a dish of chocolate with him to morrow which Ipress upon him-I make apresent morning. This invitation, which did not a of a diamond ring to Lord Straddle — little flatter my vanity and expectation, I impart my good fortune to Strap and took care to observe, and went to his lordBanter, who disabuses me, to my utter ship's house at the time appointed. Having mortification. rapped at the gate, the porter unbolted and kept it half open, placing himself in the gap, BAFFLED hitherto in my matrimonial schemes, like soldiers in a breach, to dispute my I began to question my talents for the science passage. I asked if his lord was stirring? of fortune hunting, and to bend my thoughts He answered with a surly aspect,-"No." towards some employment under the govern- "At, what hour does he commonly rise?" ment; with the view of procuring which, I said I. "Sometimes sooner, sometimes cultivated the acquaintance of Lord Straddle later," said he, closing the door upon me by and Swillpot, whose fathers were men of degrees. I then told him, I was come by his interest at court. I found these young lordship's own appointment; to which intinoblemen as open to my advances as I could mation this Cerberus replied, — I have desire; I accompanied them in their midnight received no orders about the matter;" and rambles, and often dined with them at was upon the point of shutting me out, when taverns, where I had the honour of paying the I recollected myself all of a sudden,..and reckoning. slipping a crown into his hands, begged, as a I one day took the opportunity, while I favour, that he would inquire, and let me was loaded with protestations of friendship, know whether or not the earl was up. The to disclose my desire of being settled in grim janitor relented at the touch of my some sinecure, and to solicit their influence money, which he took with all the indifference in my behalf. Swillpot, squeezing my hand, of a tax-gatherer, and showed me into a said I might depend upon his service by parlour, where, he said, I might arnuse G-. The other swore that no man would myself till such time as his lord should be be more proud than he to run my errands. awake. I had not sat ten minutes in this Encouraged by these declarations, I ventured place when a footman entered, and, without to express an inclination to be introduced to speaking, stared at me. I interpreted this their fathers, who were able to do my piece of his behaviour into,-" Pray, sir, business at once. Swillpot frankly owned what is your business?" and asked the same he had not spoke to his father these three question I had put to the porter, when I years; and Straddle assured me his father accosted him first. The lacquey made the having lately disobliged the minister by same reply, and disappeared before I could subscribing his name to a protest in the get any farther intelligence. In a little time house of peers, was thereby rendered incapa- he returned, on pretence of poking the fire, ble of serving his friends at present; but he and looked at me again with great earnestundertook to make me acquainted with Earl ness; upon which I began to perceive his Strutwell, who was hand and glove with a meaning, and, tipping him with half-a-crown, certain person who ruled the roast. This desired he would be so good as to fall upon offer I embraced with many acknowledge- some method of letting the earl know that I ments, and plied him so closely, in spite of was in the house. He made a'low bow, a thousand evasions, that he found himself said, —"Yes, sir," and vanished. This under a necessity of keeping his word, and bounty was not thrown away, for, in an actually carried me to the levee of this great instant, he came back, and conducted me to mnan, where he left me in a crowd of fellow- a chamber, where I was received with great dependents, and was ushered to a particular kindness and familiarity by his lordship, closet audience; from whence in a few whom I found just risen, in his morning minutes he returned with his lordship, who gown and slippers. After breakfast he took me by the hand, assured me he would entered into;a particular conversation with do me all the service he could, and desired me about my travels, the remarks I had to see me often. I was charmed with my made abroad, and examined me to the full reception; and although I had heard that a extent of my understanding. My answers courtier's promise is not to be depended seemed to please him very much; he upon, I thought I discovered so much sweet- frequently squeezed my hand, and looking ness of temper and candour in this earl's at me with a singular complacency in his countenance, that I diu not doubt of finding countenance, bade me depend upon his good my account in his protection. I resolved, offices with the minister in my behalf.therefore, to profit by this permission, and "Young men of yourqualifications," said he, waited on him next audience day, when I ought to be cherished by every administrawas favoured with a particular smile, squeeze tion. For my own part, I see so little merit ADVENTURES OF RODERICK RANDOM. 153 in the world, that I have laid it down as a making light of the favour, and shifting the maxim, to encourage the least appearance conversation to another subject: among other of genius and virtue to the utmost of my topics of discourse, that of the belles lettres power-you have a great deal of both; and was introduced, upon which his lordship held will not fail of making a figure one day, if I forth with great taste and erudition, and disam not mistaken; but you must lay your covered an intimate knowledge of the authors accotint of mounting by gradual steps to the of antiquity.-," Here's a book," said he, summit of your fortune. Rome was not taking one from his bosom, " written with built in a day. As you understand the great elegance and spirit, and though the languages perfectly well, how would you like subject may give offence to some narrowto cross the sea as secretary to an embassy?" minded people, the author willalways be held I assured his lordship, with great eagerness, in esteem by every person of wit and learnthat nothing could be more agreeable to my ing." So saying, he put into my hand Peinclination: upon which he bade me make tronius Arbiter, and asked my opinion of myself easy, my business was done, for he his wit and manner. I told him, that, in my had a place of that kind in his view. This opinion, he wrote with great ease and vivapiece of generosity affected me so much, city, but was withal so lewd and indecent, that I was unable for some time to express that he ought to find no quarter or protection my gratitude, which at length broke out in amonog people of morals or taste. " I own," acknowledgements of my own unworthiness, replied the earl, "that his taste in love is and encomiums on his benevolence. I could generally decried, and indeed condemned by not even help shedding tears at the goodness our laws; but perhaps that may be more of this noble lord, who no sooner perceived owing to prejudice and misapprehension, them than he caught me in his arms, and than true reason and deliberation. The best hugged and kissed me with a seemingly man among the ancients is said to have enpaternal affection. Confounded at this un- tertained that passion; one of the wisest of common instance of fondness for a stranger, their legislators has permitted the indulgence I remained a few moments silent and asha- of it in his commonwealth; the most celemed, then rose and took my leave, after he brated poets have not scrupled to avow it; had assured me that he would speak to the at this day it prevails not only over all the minister in my favour that very day; and east, but in most parts of Europe; in our own desired that I would not for the future give country it gains ground apace, and in all myself the trouble of attending at his levee, probability will become in a short time a but come at the same hour every day when more fashionable vice than simple fornicawe should be at leisure, that is, three times tion. Indeed, there is something to be said t-week. in vindication of it;, for, notwithstanding the Though my hopes were now very sanguine, severity of the law against offenders in this [ determined to conceal my prospect from way, it must be confessed tnat the practice every body, even from Strap, until I should of this passion is unattended with that curse be more certain of success; and, in: the mean and burden upon society, which proceeds time, give my patron no respite.fromn my from a race of miserable and deserted bassolicitations. When I renewed my visit, I tards, who are either murdered by their found the street door open to me, as if by parents, deserted to the utmost want and enchantment; but, in my passage towards wretchedness, or bred up to prey upon the the presence room, I was met by the valet- commonwealth: and it likewise prevents the de-chambre, who cast some furious looks at debauchery of many a young maiden, and the me, the meaning of which I could not com- prostitution of honest men's wives; not to prehend. The earl saluted me at entrance mention the consideration of heafth, which with a tender embrace, and wished me joy of -is much less liable to be impaired in the his success with the premier, who, he said, gratification of this appetite, than in the exhad preferred his recommendation to that of ercise of common venerv, which, by ruining two other noblemen very urgent in behalf of the constitutions of our young men, has protheir respective friends, and absolutely prom- duced a puny progeny, that degenerates ised that I should go to a certain foreign from generation to generation: nay, I have court, in quality of secretary to an ambassador been told, that there is another motive, perand plenipotentiary, who was to set out in a haps more powerful than all these, that infew weeks, on an affair of vast importance to duces people to cultivate this inclination, the nation. I was thunderstruck with my namely the exquisite pleasure attending its good fortune, and could make no other reply, success." than kneel, and attempt to kiss my benefac- From this discourse, I began to be appretor's hand; which submission he would not hensive that his lordship,, finding I had travypermit, but, raising me up, pressed me to his elled, was afraid I might have been infected breast with surprising emotion, and told me with this spurious and sordid desire abroad, he had now taken upon himself the care of and took this method of sounding my senti. making mny fortune. WVhat enhanced the ments on the subject. Fired at this supposed value of the benefit still the more, was his suspicion, I argued against it with great 4 N* 154 SMOLLETT'S SELECT WORKS. warmth, as an appetite unnatural, absurd, I forced my diamond ring, as an acknowledge. and of pernicious consequence; and declared ment for the great service -he had done me, my utter detestation and abhorrence of it in and from thence hied me home, with an intent these lines of the satirist: of sharing my happiness with honest Strap. I determined, however, to heighten his pleasEternal infamy the wretch confound, ho plantel first that vice on British ground! ure, by depressing his spirits at first, and A vice that,'spite of sense and nature, reigns, then bringing in the good news withodouble genil loverelish. For this purpose, I affected the And poisons genial love, and m-anhood stains. appearance of disappointment and chagrin, The earl smiled at my indignation, told and told him, in an abrupt manner, that I had me he was glad to find my opinion of the lost my watch and diamond. Poor Hugh, matter so conformable to his own, and that who had been already harassed into a conwhat he had advanced was only to provoke sumption by intelligence of this sort, no me to an answer, with which he professed sooner heard these words, than, unable to himself perfectly well pleased. contain himself, he cried with distraction in After I had enjoyed a long audience, I his looks, —" God in heaven forbid!" I could happened to look at my watch, in order to carry on the farce no longer, but, laughing in regulate my motions by it; and his lordship his face, told him every thing that had passed, observing the chased case, desired to see. the as above recited. His features were immedevice, and examine the execution, which he diately unbended, and the transition was so approved with some expressions of admira- affecting, that he wept for joy, called my tion. Considering the obligations I lay under Lord Strutwell by the appellations of Jewel, to his lordship, I thought there could not be Phoenix, Rara avis, and praised God that a fitter opportunity than the present to mani- there was still some virtue left among our fest in some shape my gratitude; I therefore nobility. Our mutual congratulations being begged he would do me the honour to accept over, we gave way to our imagination, and of the watch, as a small testimony of the anticipated our happiness by prosecuting our sense I had of his lordship's generosity; but success through the different steps of prohe refused it in a peremptory manner, and motion, till I arrived at the rank of a prime said he was Sorry I should entertain such a minister, and he to that of my first secretary. mercenary opinion of him; observing, at the Intoxicated with these ideas, I went to same time, that it was the most beautiful the ordinary, where, meeting with Banter, I piece of workmanship he had ever seen, and communicated the whole affair in confidence desiring to know where he could have such to him, concluding with an assurance that I another. I begged a thousand pardons for would do him all'the service in my power. the freedom I had taken, which I hoped he He heard me to an end with great patience, would impute to nothing else but the highest then regarding me a good while with a look veneration for his person; told him, that, as of disdain, pronounced,-" So, your business it came to my hand by accident in France, I is done, you think?" " As good as done, I could give him no information about the believe," said I. "I'll tellyou," replied he, maker, for there was no name on the inside; "what will do it still more effectually-a and once more humbly entreated that he halter-'sdeath! if I had been such a gull to would indulge me so far as to use it for my two such scoundrels as Strutwell and Stradsake. He was still positive in refusing it; dle, I would without any more ado tuck but was pleased to thank me for my generous myself up." Shocked at this exclamation, offer, saying, it was a present that no noble- I desired him, with some confusion, to explain man need be ashamed of receiving; though himself; upon which he gave me to underhe was resolved to show his disinterestedness stand, that Straddle was a poor contemptible with regard to me, for whom he had con- wretch, who lived by borrowing, and pimping ceived a particular friendship.; and insisted for his fellow peers; that, in consequence of (if I was willing to part with the watch) upon this last capacity, he had doubtless introduced knowing what it had cost, that he might at me to Strutwell, who was so notorious for a least indemnify me, by refunding the money. passion for his own sex, that he was amazed On the other hand, I assured his lordship, his character had never reached my ears; that I should look upon it as an uncommon and that, far from being able to obtain for me mark of distinction, if he would take it with- the post he had promised, his interest at out further question; and, rather than disob- court was so low, that he could scarce prolige me, he was at last persuaded to put it vide for a superannuated footman once a year in his pocket, to my no small satisfaction,, in the customs or excise:-that it was a who took my leave immediately, after having common thing for him to amuse strangers, received a kind squeeze, and an injunction whom his jackals ran down, with such assuto depend upon his promise. rances anid caresses as he had bestowed on Buoyed up with this reception, my heart me, until he had stripped them of their-cash opened; I gave away a guinea among the and every thing valuable about them-very lacqueys who escorted me to the door, flew often of their chastity, and then leave thetr to the lodgings of Lord Straddle, upon whom a prey to want and infamy;-that he allow"e~ ADVENTURES OF RODERICK RANDOM. 155 his servants no other wages than that part honour of presenting to you is loosened a of the spoil which they could glean by their little in the socket and there is a young fellow industry; and the whole of his conduct to- just arrived from Paris, who is reckoned the wards me was so glaring, that nobody who best jeweller in Europe; I knew him in knew any thing of mankind could have been Fr'ance, and, if your lordship will give me imposed upon by his insinuations. leave, will carry the ring to him to be set to I leave the reader to judge how I relished rights." His lordship was not to be caught this piece of information, which precipitated in this snare; he thanked me for my offer, me from the most exalted pinnacle of hope and told me, that, having himself observed to the lowest abyss of despondence; and the defect, he had already sent it to his own well nigh determined me to take Banter's jeweller to be mended. And, indeed, by this advice, and finish my chagrin with a halter. time, I believe it was in the jeweller's hands, I had no room to suspect the veracity of my though not in order to be mended, for it stood friend, because, upon recollection, I found in need 9f no alteration. every circumstance of Strutwell's behaviour Baulked in this piece of politics, I cursed exactly tallying with the character he had my simplicity, but resolved to play a surer described. His hugs, embraces, squeezes, game with the earl, which I thus devised. and eager looks, were now no longer a mys- I did not doubt of being admitted into famitery, no more than his defence of Petronius, liar conversation with him as before, and and the jealous frown of his valet-de-chambre, hoped, by some means, to get the watch into who, it seems, had been the favourite pathic my hand; and then, on pretence of winding of his lord. or playing with it, drop it on the floor, when in all probability the fall Would disorder the works so as to stop its motion. This event CHAPTER LII. would furnish me with an opportunity of insisting upon carrying it away in order to be I attemrnpt to recover my watch and jewel, repaired, and then I should have been in no but to no purpose-resolve to revenge hurry to bring it back. What pity it was I myself on Strutwell by my importunity- could not find an occasion of putting this am reduced to my last guinea-obliged fine scheme in execution! When I went to to inform Strap of my necessity, who is renew my visit to his lordship, my access to almost distracted with the news-but, the parlour was as free as ever; but after I nevertheless, obliged to pawn my best had waited some time, the valet-de-chambre sword for present subsistence —that small came in with his lordship's compliments, supply being exhausted, I am almost and a desire to see me to-morrow at his stupiJied with my misfortunes-go to the levee, he being at present so much indisgaming table by the advice of Banter, posed, that he could not see company. I and come off with unexpected success- interpreted this message into a bad omen, Strap's ecstasy-Mrs Gawky waits upon and came away muttering curses against his me, professes remorse for her perfidy, lordship's politeness, and ready to go to logand implores my assistance —I do myself gerheads with myself for being so egregiously a piece ofjustice by her means, and after- duped. But that I might have some satiswards reconcile her to herfather. faction for the loss I had sustained, I besieged him closely at his levee, and perseI WAS so confounded, that I could make no cuted him with my solicitations; not without reply to Banter, who reproached me with faint hopes, indeed, of reaping something great indignation for having thrown away more from my industry than the bare pleaupon rascals that which, had it been converted sure of making him uneasy; though I could into ready money, would have supported the never obtain another private hearing during rank of a gentleman for some months, and the whole course of my attendance: neither enabled me at the same time to oblige my had I resolution enough to undeceive Strap, friends. Stupified as I was, I could easily whose looks in a little time were so whetdivine the source of his concern, but sneaked ted with impatience, that, whenever I came away in a solitary manner, without yielding home, his eyes devoured me, as it were, with the least answer to his expostulations; and eagerness of attention. At length, however, began to deliberate with myself in what finding myself reduced to my last guinea, manner I should attempt to retrieve the I was compelled to disclose my necessity, movables I had so foolishly lost. I should though I endeavoured to sweeten the disco have thought it no robbery to take them again very by rehearsing to him the daily assuby force, could I have done it without any rances I received from my patron. But danger of being detected; but as I couldhave these promises were not of efficacy sufficient no such opportunity, I resolved to work by to support the spirits of my friend, who no finesse, and go immediately to the lodgings sooner understood the lowness of ny finanof Straddle, where I was so fortunate as to ces, than, uttering a dreadful gro&n, he exfind hinm. "My lord," said I, "I have just claimed,-" In the name of God, what shall now recollected, that the diamond I had the we do!" In order to comfort him, I said, 156 SMOLLETT'S SELECT WORKS. that many of my acquaintance, who were ini of living in town without a fortune, he hima worse condition than we, supported, not- self having.subsisted many years entirely by withstanding, the character of gentlemen; his wit. I expressed an eager desire of beand advising him to thank God that we had ing acquainted with some of these methods; as yet incurred no debt, proposed he should and he, without further expostulation, bade pawn my sword of steel inlaid with gold, and me.follow him. He conducted me to a trust to my discretion for the rest. This house under the piazzas in Covent Garden, expedient was wormwood and gall to poor which we entered, and having delivered our Strap, who, in spite of his invincible affec- swords to a grim fellow, who demanded tion for me, still retained notions of economy them at the foot of the staircase, asand expense suitable to the narrowness of cended to the second story, where I saw his education; nevertheless, he complied multitudes of people standing round two with my request, and raised seven pieces on gaming tables, loaded in a manner with gold the sword in a twinkling. This supply, in- and silver. My conductor told me this was considerable as it was, made me as happy the house of a worthy Scotch Lord, who, for the present, as if I had kept five hundred using the privilege of his peerage, had set pounds in bank; for by this time I was so up public gaming tables, from the profits of well skilled in procrastinating every trouble- which he drew a comfortable livelihood. He some reflection, that the prospect of want then explained the difference between the seldom affected me very much, let it be never sitters and the betters; characterised the so near. And now, indeed, it was nearer first as old hooks, and the last as bubbles; than I imagined: my landlord having occa- and advised me to try my fortune at the silsion for money, put me in mind of my being ver table, by betting a crown at a time. indebted to him five guineas in lodging, and Before I would venture any thing, I consitelling me he had a sum to make up, begged dered the company more particularly: and I would excuse his importunity, and dis- there appeared such a group of villainous charge the debt. Though I could ill spare faces, that I was struck with horror and asso much cash, my pride took the resolution tonishment at the sight. I signified my sur. of disbursing it. This I did in a cavalier prise to Banter, who whispered in my ear, manner, after he had written a discharge, that the bulk of those present were sharpers, telling him, with an air of scorn and resent- highwaymen, and apprentices, who having ment, I saw he was resolved that I should embezzled their masters' cash, made a desnot be long in his books; while Strap, who perate push in this place to make up their stood by, and knew my circumstances, wrung deficiencies. This account did not encouhis hands in secret, gnawed his nether-lip, rage me to hazard any part of my small pitand turned yellow with despair. Whatever tance; but at length, being teazed by the appearance of indifference my.vanity enabled importunities of my friend, who assured me me to put on, I was thunderstruck with this there was no danger of being ill used, bedemand, which I had no sooner satisfied, cause people were hired by the owner to see than I hastened into company, with a view justice done to every body, I began by riskof beguiling my cares with conversation, or ing one shilling, and in less than an hour my of drowning them with wine. winning amounted to thirty. Convinced by After dinner, a party was accordingly made this time of the fairness of the game, and in the coffeehouse, from whence we adjourn- animated with. success, there was no need ed to the tavern, where, instead of sharing of further persuasion to continue the play. the mirth of the company, I was as much I lent Banter (who seldom had any money chagrined at their good humour as a damned in his pocket) a guinea, which he carried to soul in hell would be at a glimpse of heaven. the gold table, and lost in a moment. He In vain did I swallow bumper after bumper; would have borrowed another, but, finding the wine had lost its effect upon me, and, me deaf to his arguments,, went away in a tar from raising my dejected spirits, could pet. Meanwhile, my gain advanced to six not even lay me asleep. Banter, who was pieces, and my desire of more increased in the only intimate I had (Strap excepted), proportion; so that I moved to the higher perceived my anxiety, and, when we brolke.table, where I laid half a guinea on every up, reproached me with pusillanimity, for throw; and fortune still'favouring me, I bebeing cast down at any disappointment that came a sitter, in which capacity I remained such a rascal as. Strutwell could be the occa- until it was broad day, when I found myself, sion of. I told him I did not at all see how after many vicissitudes, one hundred and Strutwell's being a rascal alleviated my mis- fifty guineas in pocket. fortune; and gave.. him to understand that Thinking it now high time to retire with my present grief did not so much proceed my bodty,, I asked if any body would take fiom that disappointment, _as from the low my place, and made a motion to rise: upon ebb of mv fortune, which was.sunk to some- which an old Gascon, who sat opposite to thing less than. two guineas. At this decla- me, and of whom I had vwon a little money, ration, he cried, —" Pshaw! is that all?" started up with fury in his lookI, crying,and assured me there were a thousand ways " Restez. foutre, reste, il faut.donuner moi ADVENTURES OF RODERICK RANDOM. 157 mon ravanchio!" At the same time, a Jew have more occasion for rest, not having, I who sat near the other, insinuated that I' was'suppose, slept these four-and-twenty hours.' more beholden to art than fortune for what I' Bring me some water," said I, in a peI had got; that he had observed me wipe the remptory tone;' upon which he sneaked table very often, and that some of the divi- away, shrugging his shoulders. Before he' sions seemed to be greasy. This intimation returned, I had spread' my whole stock on produced a great deal of clamour against:me, the table in the most ostentatious manner; especially among the losers, who threatened, so that, when it first saluted his'view, with many oaths and imprecations, to take he stood like'one entranced, and having me up by a warrant as a sharper, unless I rubbed his eyes more:than once, to assure would compromise the affair by refunding himself of his being'awake, broke out the greatest part of my winning. Though I into,-" Lord have mercy upon us! what a was far from being easy under this accusa- vast treasure is here!" "'Tis all our own, tion, I relied upon my innocence, threatened Strap," said I: "take what is necessary, in my turn to prosecute'the Jew for defama- and redeem the swo:rd immediately." He tion, and boldly offered to submit my cause advanced towards the table, stopped short by to the examination of any justice in West- the way, looked-at the money and me by minster; but they knew themselves'too'well turns, and, with a wildness in his countento put their characters on that issue; and ance, produced from joylchecked by distrust, finding I was not to be intimidated into any cried —" I dare say, it is ihonestly come by.' concession, dropped their plea, and made To remove his scruples, I made him acway for me to withdraw. I would'not, how- quainted with the whole- story of my success, ever, stir from the table, until the Israelite which when he' heard, h'e danced about the had retracted what he had said to my disad- room in an ecstasy, crying,-" God be praivantage, and asked pardon before the whole sed! a. white stone!-God be praised'! a assembly.' white stone!" so that I was afraid the sudAs I marched out with my prize, I hap- den change of fortune had disordered his in'pened to tread upon the toes of a tall raw- tellects, and that he was - un mad with joy. boned fellow, with a hooked nose, fierce Extremely concerned at this event, I ateyes, black thick eyebrows, a pigtail wig tempted to reason him out of his frenzy, but of the same colour, and a formidable hat to no purpose; for, without' regarding what pulled over his forehead, who stood: gnawing I said, he'continued to frisk up and down, his fingers in the crowd, and no sooner felt and repeat his rhliapsody of —" God be praithe application of my shoe-heel, than he sed! a white stone!" At last I arose in the ioared out in a tremendous voice, —" Blood utmost consternation,'and, laying violent and wounds! you son of a w -, what's hands upon him, put a stop to his extravathat for?" I asked pardon with a great deal gance, by fixing him down to a settee that of submission, and protested I had no inten- was in the room.'This constraint banished tion of hurting him: but the more I humbled his delirium; he started, as if just awoke, irjyself, the more he stormed, and insisted and, terrified at my behaviour, cried,upon gentlemanly satisfaction, at the same " What is the matter?" When he learned time provoking me with scandalous names the cause of my apprehension, he was that I could not put up with; so that I gave ashamed of his transports, and told me, that, a loose to my passion, returned his Billings- in'mentioning the white stone, he' alluded gate, and challenged him to follow me down to the dies fasti of the Romans, albo lapide to the piazzas. His indignation cooling as notati. mine warmed, he refused my invitation, say-'Having no inclination to sleep, I secured ing, he would choose his own time, and re- my cash, dressed, and was just going abroad, turned towards the table, muttering threats, when the servant of the house told me there which I neither dreaded, nor distinctly heard; was a gentlewoman at the door, who wanted butt descending with great deliberation, re- to speak with me. Surprised at this inforceived my sword from the door-keeper, mation, I bade Strap show her up, and in whom I gratified with a guinea, according less than a minute saw a young woman of a to the custom of the place, and went home shabby decayed appearance enter my room. in a rapture of joy. After half a dozen courtesies, she began to My faithful valet, who had sat up all night sob, and told me her name was Gawky; upon in the utmost uneasiness on my account, let which information I immediately recollected me in with his face beslubbered with tears, the features of Miss Lavement, who had and followed me to my chamber, where'he been the first'occasion of my misfortunes. stood silent like a condemned' criminal, in Though I had all the reason in the world to expectation of hearing that every shilling resent her treacherous behaviour to me, I was spent. I guessed the situation of his was moved at her distress, and professing thoughts, and, assuming a sullen look, bade my sorrow at seeing her so reduced,-i~'desired him fetch me some water to wash. He re- her to sit, and inquired'into the particulars plied, without lifting his eyes from the of her situation. She fell upon her:knees, ground, —" In my simple conjecture, you and implored my forgiveness for the injuries 59 158 SMOLLETT'S SELECT WORKS. she had done me, protesting before God, that apology for the unjust treatment I had re. she was forced, against her inclination, into ceived; but I saved him a good deal of that hellish conspiracy which had almost de- breath, by interrupting his harangue, and prived me of my life, by the entreaties of her assuring him, that, far from entertaining a husband,: who having been afterwards re- resentment against him, I thought myself nounced by his father on account of his mar- obliged to his lenity, which allowed me to;iage with her, and. unable to support a escape, after such strong presumptions of Imily on his pay, left his wife at her father's guilt appeared against me. Mr Concor. house, and went with the regiment to Ger- dance, thinking it now his turn to speak, many, where he was broken formisbehaviour observed, that Mr Random had too much at the battle of Dettingen, since which time candour and sagacity to be disobliged at she had heard no tidings of him. She then their conduct, which, all things considered, gave me to understand, with many symp- could not have been otherwise, with any tons of penitence, that it was her misfortune honesty of intention. "Indeed," said he, to bear a child four months after marriage, " if the plot had been unravelled to us by by which event her parents were so incen- any supernatural intelligence, if it had been sed, that she was turned out of doors with whispered by a genie, communicated in a the infant, that died soon after; and had dream, or revealed by an angel from on high, hitherto subsisted in a miserable indigent we should have been to blame in crediting manner, on the extorted charity of a few ocular demonstration; but as we were left friends, who were now quite tired of giving: in the mist of mortality, it cannot be expecthat, not knowing where or how to support ted we should be incapable of imposition. herself one day longer, she had fled for suc- I do assure you, Mr Random, no man on cour even to me, who, of all mankind, had earth is more pleased than I am at this trithe least cause to assist her, relying upon umph of your character: and as the news of the generosity of my disposition, which, she your misfortune panged me to the very en. hoped, would be pleased with this opportu- trails, this manifestation of your innocence nity of avenging itself in the noblest manner makes my midriff quiver with joy." I thankon the wretch who had wronged me. I was ed him for his concern, desired them to unvery much affected with her discourse, and deceive those of their acquaintance who having no cause to suspect the sincerity of judged harshly of me, and, having treated her repentance, raised her up, freely pardoned them with a glass of wine, represented to all she had done against me, and promised Lavement the deplorable condition of his to befriend her as much as lay in my power. daughter, and pleaded her cause so effecSince my last arrival in London, I had tually, that he consented to settle a small made no advances to the apothecary, imagi- annuity on her for life; but could not be ning it would be impossible for me to make persuaded to take her home, because her my innocence appear, so unhappily was my mother was so much incensed, that she accusation circumstanced. Strap indeed had would never see her. laboured to justify me to the schoolmaster; but. far from succeeding in his attempt, Mr Concordance dropped all correspondence CHAPTER LIII. with him because he refused to quit his connection with me. Things being in this sit- I purchase new clothes-reprimand Strutnation, I thought a fairer opportunity of vin- well and Straddle-Banter proposes an. dicating my character could not offer than other matrimonial schemes- accept of that which now presented itself. I therefore his terms-set out for.:.th in a stagestipulated with Mrs Gawky, that, before I coach, with the young laEty nd her mowrould yield her the least assistance, she ther-the behaviour of an oicer and lawshould do me the justice to clear my reputation yer-our fellow-travellers described —a by explaining upon oath, before a magistrate, smart dialogue between my mistress and the whole of the conspiracy, as it had been the captain. executed against me. When she had given me this satisfaction, I presented her with HAVING finished this affair to my satisfacfive guineas, a sum so much above her ex- tion, I found myself perfectly at ease, and pectation, that she could scarce believe the looking upon the gaming-table as a certain evidence of her senses, and was ready to resource for a gentleman in want, became worship me for my benevolence. The decla- more gay than ever. Although my clothes ration signed with her own hand, I sent to were almost as good as new, I grew ashamed her father, who, upon recollecting and com- of wearing them, because I thought every paring the circumstances of my charge, was body, by this time, had got an inventory of convinced of my integrity, and waited upon my wardrobe. For which reason, I disposed me next day, in company with his friend the of a good part of my apparel to a salesman schoolmaster, to whom he had commu- in Monmouth-street for half the value, and nicated my vindication. After mutual salu- bought two new suits with the money. I tation, Monsieur Lavement began a long likewise purchased a plain gold watch, de ADVENTURES OF RODERICK RANDOM. 159 spairing of recovering that which I had so by my reproaches, and scolded in her turn. foolishly given to Strutwell, whom, notwith- The little deformed urchin joined her mostanding, I still continued to visit at his ther with such virulence and volubility of levee, until the ambassador he had men- tongue, that I was fain to make my retreat, tioned set out with a secretary of his own after having been honoured with a (reat choosing. I thought myself then at liberty many scandalous epithets, which gave me to expostulate with his lordship, whom I plainly to understand that I had nothing to treated with great freedom in a letter, for hope from the esteem of the one, or the amusing me with vain hopes, when he nei- affection of the other. As they are both ther had the power nor inclination to provide utter strangers to life, it is a thousand to for me. Nor was I less reserved with Strad- one but the girl will be picked up by some dle, whom I in person reproached for mis- scoundrel or other at Bath, if I don't provide representing to me the character of Strut- for her otherwise. You are a well-looking well, which I did not scruple to aver was fellow, Random, and can behave as demurely infamous in every respect. He seemed very as a quaker. Now, if you will give me an much enraged at my freedom, talked a great obligation for five hundred pounds, to be deal about his quality and honour, and began paid six months after your marriage, I will to make some comparisons which I thought put you in a method of carrying her in spite so injurious to mine, that I demanded an ex- of all opposition." planation with great warmth; and he was This proposal was too advantageous for mean enough to equivocate, and condescend me to be refused; the writing was iminein such a manner, that I left him with a diately drawn up and executed; and Banter hearty contempt of his behaviour. giving me notice of the time when, and the About this time, Banter, who had observed stage coach in which they were to set out, a surprising and sudden alteration in my ap- I bespoke a place in the same convenience, pearance and disposition, began to inquire and having hired a horse for Strap, who was very minutely into the cause; and as I did charmed with the prospect, set forward acnot think fit to let him know the true state cordingly. of the affair, lest he might make free with As we embarked before day, I had not the my purse, on the strength of having pro- pleasure for some time of seeing Miss Snapposed the scheme that filled it, I told him per (that was the name of my mistress), nor that I had received a small supply from a even of perceiving the number and sex of relation in the country, who at the same my fellow-travellers, although I guessed that time had promised to use all his interest the coach was full, by the difficulty I found (which was not small) in soliciting some in seatingo myself. The first five minutes post for me that should make me easy for passed in a general silence, when, all of a life. "If that be the case," said Banter, sudden, the coach heeling to one side, a "' perhaps you wont care to mortify yourself boisterous voice pronounced,-" To the right a.little, in making your fortune another way. and left, cover your flanks, d e! whiz!" I nave a relation who is to set out for Bath I easily discovered, by the tone and manner next week, with an only daughter, who be- of this exclamation, that it was uttered by a ing sickly and decrepit, intends to drink the son of Mars; neither was it hard to conceive waters for the recovery of her health. Her the profession of another person who sat father, who was a rich Turkey merchant, opposite to me, and observed, that we ought died about a year ago, and left her with a to have been well satisfied of the security fbrtune of twenty thousand pounds, under before we entered upon the premises. These the sole management of her mother, who two sallies had not the desired effect; we is my kinswoman. I would have put in for continued a good while as mute as before, the plate myself, but there is a breach at till at length the gentleman of the sword, present between the old woman and me. impatient of longer silence, made a second You must know, that some time ago I bor- effort, by swearing he had got into a meetrowed a small sum of her, and promised, it ing of quakers. "I believe so too," said a seems, to pay it before a certain time; but shrill female voice at my left hand, "for the being disappointed in my expectation of mo- spirit of folly begins to move." " Out with ney from the country, the day elapsed, with- it then, madam," replied the soldier. " Yor out my being able to take up my note; upon seem to have no occasion for a midwife," which she wrote a peremptory letter, threat- cried the lady. "D —n my blood!" exening to arrest me, if I did not pay the debt claimed the other, " a man can't talk to a immediately. Nettled at this precise beha- woman, but she immediately thinks of a midviour, I sent a d- d severe answer, which wife." " True, sir," said she, " I long to be enraged her so much, that she actually took delivered." " What! of a mouse, madam l" out a writ against me. Whereupon, findingo said he. " No, sir," said she, " of a fool " the thing grow serious, I got a friend to ad- "Are you far gone with a fool?" said he. vance the money for me, discharged the "Little more than two miles," said she. debt, went to her house, and abused her for "By gad, you are a wit, madam!" cried the her unfriendly dealing. She was provoked officer. "I wish I could with any justice 160 SMOLLETT'S SELECT WORKS. return the compliment," said the lady. IHaving vented this repetition of expletives, " Zounds, I have done," said he. "Your the lawyer owned he had not been requited bolt is soon shot, according to the old pro- according to his deserts; observed, that the verb," said she. The warrior's powder was labourer is always worthy of his hire, and quite spent; the lawyer advised him to drop asked if the promise was. made before the prosecution: and a grave matron, who witnesses, because, in that case, the law sat on the left hand of the victorious wit, would compel the general to perform it;told her, she must not let her tongue run so but understanding that the promise was fast among strangers. This reprimand, soft- made over a bottle, without being restricted ened with the appellation of child, convinced to time or terms, he pronounced it not valid me that the satirical lady was no other than in law, proceeded to inquire into the Miss Snapper, and I resolved to regulate my particulars of the battle, and affirmed, that conduct accordingly. The champion, find- although the English had drawn themselves ing himself so smartly handled, changed his into a premunire at first, the French manbattery, and began to expatiate upon his own.aged their cause so lamely in the course of exploits.-," You talk of shot, madam," said the dispute, that they would have been he, "d e! I have both given and re- utterly nonsuited, had they not obtained a ceived some shot in my time. I was wound- noli prosequi. In spite of these enlivening ed in the shoulder by a pistol-ball at Dettin- touches, the conversation was like to suffer gen, where-I say nothing-but by G-d! another long interruption; when the lieutenif it had not been for me-all's one for ant, unwilling to conceal any of his accomthat-I despise boasting, d- e! whiz!" plishments, that could be displayed in his So saying, he whistled one part and hum- present situation, offered to regale the med another of Black joke; then address- company with a song; and interpreting our ing himself to the lawyer, went on thus- silence into a desire of hearing, began to " Wouldn't you think it d- d hard, after warble a fashionable air, the first stanza of having, at the risk of your life, recovered the which he pronounced thus: standard of a regiment, that had been lost, to receive no preferment for your pains I Would you task the moon-tied hair, To yon flagrant beau repair; don't choose to name no names, sink me: To yoe flagrant h beau repain But howsomever, this I will refer, by G-d, The bantli fine willh the popling w, and that is this: a musketeer of the French helter you, & guards, having taken a standard from a cer- The sense of the rest he perverted as he tain cornet of a certain regiment, d ie! went on, with such surprising facility, that I was retreating with the prize as fast as his could not help thinking he had been at some horse's heels could carry him, sink me! upon pains to burlesque the performance. Miss which, I snatched up a firelock that belonged Snapper ascribed it to the true cause, namely to a dead man, d- -e! whiz! and shot his ignorance; and when he asked her how she horse under him, d —n my blood! The fel- relished his music, answered, that, in her low got upon his feet, and began -to repose opinion, the music and the words were much me; upon which I charged my bayonet breast of a piece. "0 d-n my blood," said he, high, and ran him through the body, by G-d! "I take that as a high compliment; for One of his comrades coming to his assistance, every body allows the words are damnable shot me in the shoulder, as I told you before; fine." " Tiey may be so," replied the lady, and another gave me a confusion on the "for aught I know, but they are above my head with the butt-end of his carbine; but, comprehension." "I an't obliged to find d- e! that did not signify. I killed one, you comprehension, madam, curse me!" put the other to flight, and taking up the cried he. " No, nor to speak sense neither," standard, carried it off very deliberately. said she. "ID-n my heart," said he, " I'll B13ut the best joke of all was, the son of a speak what I please." Here the lawyer b-h of a cornet who had surrendered it in interposed, by telling him there were some a cowardly manner, seeing it in my possess- things he must not speak. And upon being ion, demanded it from me, in the front of the defied to give an instance, mentioned treason line.'D —n my blood,' says he,'where did and defamation. "As for the king," cried you find my standard?' says he.'D-n my the soldier, " God bless him-I eat his blood,' said I,'where,' said I,'did you bread, and have lost blood in his cause, lose it,' said I.'That's nothing to you,' therefore I have nothing to say to him-but says he,''tis my standard,' says he,' and by by G-d, I dare say any thing to any other G —d I'll have it,' says he.' D —n n man." "No," said the lawyer, " you dare seize me,' says I,'if you shall,' says I; not call me a rogue." "D -e, for whyl"'till I have first delivered it to the general,' said the other. "Because," replied the says I; and accordingly I went to the head- counsellor, " I should have a good action quarters, after the battle, and delivered it against you, and recover." "Well, well," to my Lord Stair, who promised to do for cried the officer, " if I dare not call you a me, but I am no more than a noor lieutenant rogue, I dare think you one, d- e." This stili, t —n my blood." stroke of wit he accompanied with a loud ADVENTURES OF RODERICK RANDOM. 161 laugh of self-approbation, which unluckily that I looked as if I could not say boh to a did not affect the audience, but effectually goose. Aroused at this observation, I fixed silenced his antagonist, who did not open his my eyes upon him, and pronounced with mouth for the space of an hour, except to emphasis the interjection boh! Upon which clear his pipe with three hems, which, how- he cocked his hat in a fierce manner, and ever, produced nothing. cried,-" D -e, sir, what d'ye mean by that?" Had I intended to answer him, which, by the by was not my design, I should CHAPTER LIV. have been anticipated by miss, who told him my meaning was to show that I could cry Day breaking, I have the pleasure of boh to a goose; and laughed very heartily at viewing the person qf Miss Snapper, my laconic reproof. Her explanation and whom I had not seen before-the soldier mirth did not help to appease his wrath, is witty upon me-is offended, talks much which broke out in several martial insinuaof his valour-is reprimanded by a grave tions, such as,-" I do not understand such gentlewoman-we are alarmed with the freedoms, d e! d-n my blood! I am a cry of highwaymen-I get out of the gentleman, and bear the king's commission. coach, and stand in my own defence-'Sblood! some people deserve to have their they ride offwithout having attacked us — noses pulled for their impertinence." I I pursue them-one of them is thrown thought to have checked these ejaculations from his horse and taken-I return to by a frown; because he had talked so much the coach-am complimented by Miss of his valour, that I had long ago rated him Snapper —the captain's behaviour on this as an ass in a lion's skin; but this expedient occasion-the prude reproaches me in a did not answer my expectation; he took soliloquy-I upbraid her in the same umbrage at the contraction of my brows, manner-the behaviour of AIrs Snapper swore he did not value my sulky looks a at breakfast disobliges me —the lawyer is fig's end, and protested he feared no man witty upon the officer, who threatens him. breathing. Miss Snapper said she was very glad to find herself in company with a man IN the mean time, day breaking in upon us, of so much courage, who, she did not doubt, discovered to one another the faces of their would protect us from all attempts of high. fellow-travellers, and I had the good fortune waymen during our journey. "Make yourto find my mistress not quite so deformed self perfectly easy on that head, madam," nor disagreeable as she had been represented replied the officer: "I have got a pair of to me. Her head, indeed, bore some resem- pistols-here they are,-which I took from olance to a hatchet, the edge being represented a horse officer at the battle of Dettingenby her face; but she had a certain delicacy they are double loaded, and if any highwayin her complexion, and a great deal of man in England robs you of the value of a vivacity in her eyes, which were very large pin, while I have the honour of being in your and black; and though the protuberance of company, d-n my heart." When he had her breast, when considered alone, seemed expressed himself in this manner, a prim to drag her forwards, it was easy to perceive gentlewoman, who had sat silent hitherto, an equivalent on her back, which balanced opened her mouth, and said she wondered the other, and kept her body in equilibro. how any man could be so rude as to pull out On the whole, I thought I should have great such weapons before ladies. " D —e, reason to congratulate myself, if it should be madam," cried the champion, "if you are so my fate to possess twenty thousand pounds much afraid at sight of a pistol, how d'ye incumbered with such a wife. I began, propose to stand fire if there should be octherefore, to deliberate about the most casionl" She then told him that if she probable means of acquiring the conquest, thought he could be so unmannerly as to use and was so much engrossed by this idea, fire-arms in her presence, whatever might be that I scarce took any notice of the rest of the occasion, she would get out of the coach the people in the coach, but revolved my immediately, and walk to the next village. project in silence; while the conversation where she might procure a convenience to was maintained, as before, by the object of herself. Before he could make any answer, my hopes, the son of Mars, and the barris- my Dulcinea interposed, and observed, that, ter, who by this time had recollected him- far from being offended at a gentleman's self, and talked in terms as much as ever. using his arms in his own defence, she At length a dispute happened, which ended thought herself very lucky in being along in a wager, to be determined by me, who with one by whose valour she stood a good was so much absorbed in contemplation, that chance of saving herself from being rifled.. I neither heard the reference nor the ques- The prude cast a disdainful look at miss', and tion, which was put to me by each in his said, that people who have but little to lose turn: affronted at my supposed contempt, are sometimes most solicitous about preser. the soldier, with great vociferation, swore I ving it. The old lady was affronted at this was either dumb or deaf, if not both, and inuendo, and took notice, that people ought 4 0* *59 162 SMOLLETT'S SELECT WORKS. to be very well informed before they spoke make ourselves masters of his arms and tie slightingly of other people's fortunes, lest his hands together, before he recovered his they discover their own envy, and make senses, when learning his situation, he afthemselves ridiculous. The daughter de- fected surprise, demanded to know by what clared, that she did not pretend to vie with authority we used a gentleman in that manany body in point of riches; and if the lady ner, and had the impudence to threaten us who insisted upon non-resistance, would with a prosecution for robbery. In the promise to indemnify us for all the loss we mean time we perceived Strap coming up should sustain, she would be one of the first with a crowd of people, armed with differto persuade the captain to submission, in ent kinds of weapons; and, among the rest case we should be attacked. To this pro- a farmer, who no sooner perceived the thief, posal, reasonable as it was, the reserved whom we had secured, than he cried, with lady made no other reply than a scornful great emotion,-" There's the fellow who glance and a toss of her head. I was very robbed me an hour ago, of twenty pounds in well pleased with the spirit of my mistress; a canvass bag." He was immediately searchand even wished for an opportunity of distin- ed, and the money found exactly as it had guishing my courage under her eye, which I been described: upon which we committed believed could not fail of prepossessing her in him to the charge of the countryman, who my favour; when, all of a sudden, Strap rode carried him to the town of Hounslow, which, up to the coach-door, and told us in a great it seems, the farmer had alarmed: and I fright, that two men on horseback were cross- having satisfied the footman for his trouble, ing the heath (for by this time we had passed according to promise, returned with Strap to Hounslow), and made directly towards us. the coach, where I found the captain and This piece of information was no sooner de- lawyer busy in administering smelling bottles livered than Mrs Snapper began to scream, and cordials to the grave lady, who had gone her daughter grew pale, the other lady pulled into a fit at the noise of the firing. out her purse to be in readiness, the law- When I had taken my seat, Miss Snapyer's teeth chattered, while he pronounced, per, who from the coach had seen every — "'Tis no matter-we'll sue the county, thing that happened, made me a compliment and recover." The captain gave evident on my behaviour, and said, she was glad to signs of confusion; and 1, after having com- see me returned without having received any manded the coachman to stop, opened the injury: her mother too owned herself oblidoor, jumped out, and invited the warrior to ged to my resolution; and the lawyer told follow me. But finding him backward and me that I was entitled by act of parliament astonished, I took his pistols, and giving to a reward of forty pounds, for having apthem to Strap, who had by this time alighted, prehended a highwayman. The soldier oband trembled very much, I mounted on served, with a countenance in which impuhorseback, and taking my own (which I dence and shame, struggling, produced some could better depend upon) from the holsters, disorder, that if I had not been in such a cocked them both, and faced the robbers, d-d hurry to get out of the coach, he who were now very near us. Seeing me would have secured the rogues effectually, ready to oppose them on horseback, and without all this bustle and1oss of time, by a another man armed a-foot, they made a halt scheme which my heat*'and precipitation at some distance to reconnoitre us, and after ruined. " For my own part," continued he, having rode round us twice, myself still " I am always extremely cool on these ocfacing about as they rode, went off the same casions." "So it appeared by your tremway as they came, at a hand-gallop. A gen- bling," said the young lady. "Death and tleman's servant coming up with a horse at d —— n," cried he, " your sex protects you, the same time, I offered him a crown to as- madam; if any man on earth durst tell me sist me in pursuing them; which he no so much, I'd send him to hell, d —n my sooner accepted, than I armed him with the heart! in an instant." So saying, he fixed officer's pistols, and we galloped after the his eyes upon me, and asked if I had seen thieves, who, trusting to the swiftness of himtremble? I answered without hesitation, their horses, stopped till we came within -" Yes." "D —e, sir," said he, "d'ye shot of them, and then firing at us, put their doubt my courage?" I replied,-" Very nags to the full speed. We followed them much." This declaration quite disconcertas fast as our beasts could carry us; but not ed him; he looked blank, and pronounced being so well mounted as they, our efforts with a faltering voice —" 0!'tis very well would have been to little purpose, had not -d-n my blood! I shall find a time." I sigthe horse of one of them stumbled, and nified my contempt of him, by thrusting my thrown his rider with such violence over his tongue in my cheek, which humbled him so head, that he lay senseless when we came much, that he scarce swore another oath up, and was taken without the least opposi- aloud during the whole journe. tion; while his comrade consulted his own The precise lady having'recruited her safety in flight, without regarding the dis- spirits by the help of some strong waters, tress of his friend. We scarce had time to began a soliloquy, in which she wondered ADVENTURES OF RODERICK RANDOM. 163 that any man, who pretended to maintain had before observed, for she was bent sidethe character of a gentleman, could, for the ways in the figure of an S, so that her prosake of a little paltry coin, throw persons of gression very much resembled that of a crab. honour into such quandaries as might endan- The prude also chose the captain for her ger their lives; and professed her surprise, messmate, and ordered breakfast for two that women were not ashamed to commend only to be brought into another separate such brutality; at the same time vowing, room; while the lawyer and I, deserted by that, for the future, she would never set foot the rest of the company, were fain to put up in a stage coach, if a private convenience with each other. I was a good deal chacould be had for love or money. grined at the stately reserve of Mrs Snapper, Nettled at her remarks, I took the same who I thought did not use me with all the method of conveying my sentiments, and complaisance I deserved; and my companwondered in my turn that any woman of ion declared, that he had been a traveller for common sense should be so unreasonable as twenty years, and never knew the stageto expect that people, who had neither ac- coach rules so much infringed before. As quaintance or connection with her, would for the honourable gentlewoman, I could not tamely allow themselves to be robbed and conceive the meaning of her attachment to maltreated, merely to indulge her capricious the lieutenant; and asked the lawyer if he humour. I likewise confessed my astonish- knew for which of the soldier's virtues she ment at her insolence and ingratitude in tax- admired him? The counsellor facetiously ing a person with brutality, who deserved replied,-" I suppose the lady knows him to her approbation and acknowledgement; and be an able conveyancer, and wants him to vowed, that if ever she should be assaulted make a settlement in tail." I could not again, I would leave her to the mercy of the help laughing at the archness of the barrister, spoiler, that she might know the value of my who entertained me during breakfast with a protection. great deal of wit of the same kind, at the exThis person of honour did, not think fit pense of our fellow travellers; and, among to carry on the altercation any farther, but other things, said, he was sorry to find the seemed to chew the cud of her resentment young lady saddled with such incumbrances. with the crest-fallen captain, while I entered When we had made an end of our repast, into discourse with my charmer, who was and paid our reckoning, we went into the the more pleased with my conversation, as coach, took our places, and bribed the driver she had conceived a very indifferent opinion with sixpence, to revenge us on the rest of of my intellects from my former silence. I his fare, by hurrying them away in the midst should have had cause to be equally satisfied of their meal. This task he performed to with the sprightliness of her genius, could our satisfaction, after he had disturbed their she have curbed her imagination with judg- enjoyment with his importunate clamour. ment; but she laboured under such a profu- The mother and daughter obeyed theI sumsion of talk, that I dreaded her unruly tongue, mons first, and coming to the coach-door, and felt by anticipation the horrors of an were obliged to desire the coachman's aseternal clack. However, when I consider- sistance to get in, because the lawyer and I ed, on the other hand, the joys attending the had agreed to show our resentment by our possession of twenty thousand pounds, I neglect. They were no sooner seated, than forgot her imperfections, seized occasion by the captain appeared as much heated as if the fore-lock, and endeavoured to insinuate he had been pursued a dozen miles by an myself into her affection. The careful mo- enemy; and immediately after him came the ther kept a strict watch over her, and though lady, not without some marks of disorder. she could not help behaving civilly to me, Having helped her up, he entered himself, took frequent opportunities of discouraging growling a few oaths against the coachman our communication, by reprimanding her for for his impertinent interruption; and the being so free with strangers, and telling her lawyer comforted him by saying, that if he she must learn to speak less, and think more. had suffered a nisi prius through the obAbridged of the use of speech, we conver- stinacy of the defendant, he might have an sed with our eyes, and I found the young opportunity to join issue at the next stage. lady very eloquent in this kind of discourse. This last expression gave offence to the In short, I had reason to believe that she was grave gentlewoman, who told him, if she was sick of the old gentlewoman's tuition, and a man, she would make him repent of such that I should find it no difficult matter to su- obscenity; and thanked God she had never persede her authority. been in such company before. At this in When we arrived at the place where we sinuation the captain thought himself under were to breakfast, I alighted, and helped my a necessity of espousing the lady's cause: mistress out of the coach, as well as her mo- and accordingly threatened to cut off the ther, who called for a private room, to which lawyer's ears, if he should give his tongue they withdrew, in order to eat by themselves. any such liberties for the future. The poor As they retired together, I perceived that counsellor begged pardon, and universal simiss had got more twists from nature than I lence ensued. 164 SMOLLETT'S SELECT WORKS. her acquaintance as much as would be necesCHAPTER LV. sary to the accomplishment of my purpose. And indeed accident furnished me with an I resolve to ingratiate myself with the opportunity of obliging her so much, that she mother, and am favoured by accidentL-: could not, with any appearance of good the precise lady finds her husband, and manners, forbear to gratify my inclination. quits the coach-the captain is disas- When we arrived at our dining-place, we pointed of his dinner-we arrive at Bath found all thie eatables in the inn bespoken by -I accompany Miss Snapper to the long a certain nobleman, who had got the start of room, where she is attacked by Beau Nash, us; and in all likelihood my mistress and her and turns the laugh against him'I make mother must have dined with Duke Humlove to her, and receive a check-squire phrey, had I not exerted myself in their her to an assembly, where I am blessed behalf, and bribed the landlord with a glass with a sight of my dear Narcissa, which of wine, to curtail his lordship's entertaindiscomposes me so much, that 3Miss Snap- ment of a couple of fowls and some bacon, per, observing my disorder, is at pains to which I sent with my compliments to the discover the cause-is piqued at the occa- ladies. They accepted my treat with a great sioh, and, in our way home, pays me a many thanks, and desired I would favour sarcastic compliment-I am met by Miss them with my company at dinner, where I Williams, who is maid and confidant of amused the old gentlewoman so successfully, ANarcissa-she acquaints me with her by maintaining a seemingly disinterested ease lady's regard for me while under the dis- in the midst of my civility, that she signified guise of a servant, and describes the a desire ofbeingbetter acquainted, and hoped transports of Narcissa on seeing me at I would be so kind as to see her sometimes the assembly, in the character of a gen- at Bath. While I enjoyed myself in this tleman-I am surprised with an account manner, the precise lady had the good fortune of her aunt's marriage, and make an ap,- to meet with her husband, who was no other pointment to meet Miss Williams next than gentleman, or, in other words, valet-deday. chambre, to the very nobleman whose coach stood at the door. Proud of the interest she URING this unsocial interval, my pride and had in the house, she affected to show her Lerest maintained a severe conflict on the power by introducing the captain to her subject of Miss Snapper, whom the one re- spouse, as a person who had treated her presented as unworthy of notice, and the with great civility; upon which he was inother proposed as the object of my whole vited to a share of their dinner; while the attention: the advantages and disadvantages poor lawyer, finding himself utterly abanattending such a match were opposed to one doned, made application to me, an;- was, another by my imagination; and at length my through my intercession, admitted into our judgment gave it so much in favour of the company. Having satisfied our appetites, first, that I resolved to prosecute my scheme and made ourselves merry at the expense of with all the address in my power. I thought the person of honour, the civil captain, and I perceived some concern in her countenance, complaisant husband, I did myself the pleaoccasioned by my silence, which she, no sure of discharging the bill by stealth, for doubt, imputed to my disgust at her mother's which I received a great many apologies and behaviour; and as I believed the old woman acknowledgements from my guests, and we could not fail of ascribing my muteness to re-embarked at the first warning. The offithe same motive, I determined to continue cer was obliged, at last, to appease his hunthat sullen conduct towards her, and fall ger with a luncheon of bread and cheese, and upon some other method of manifesting my a pint bottle of brandy, which he dispatched esteem for the daughter: nor was it difficult in the coach, cursing the inappetence of his for me to make her acquainted with my sen- lordship, who had ordered dinner to be put tirnents by the expression of my looks, which back a whole hour. I modelled into the characters of humility Nothing remarkable happened during the and love; and which were answered by her remaining part of our journey, which was with all the sympathy and approbation I finished next day, when I waited on the could desire. But when I began to consider, ladies to the house of a relation, in which that, without further opportunities of improv- they intended to lodge, and passing that night ing my success, all the progress I had hith- at the inn, took lodgings in the morning for erto made would not much avail, and that myself. such opportunities could not be enjoyed The forenoon was spent in visiting every without the mother's permission; Iconcluded thing that was worth seeing in the place, in it would be requisite to vanquish her coldness company with a gentleman to whom Banter and suspicion by my assiduities and respectful had given me a letter of introduction; and behaviour on the road; and she would in all in the afternoon I waited on the ladies, and likelihood invite me to visit her at Bath, found miss a good deal indisposed with the where I did not fear of being able to cultivate fatigue of the journey. As they foresaw they ADVENTURES OF RODERICK RANDOM. 165 should have occasion for a male acquaintance found an opportunity in spite of the old to squire them at all public places, I was gentlewoman's vigilance, to explain the received with great cordiality, and had the meaning of my glances in the coach, by mother's commission to conduct them next paying homage to her wit, and professing day to the long room, which we no sooner myself enamoured of her person. She entered, than the eyes of every body present blushed at my declaration, and in a favourawere turned upon us; and when we had suf- ble manner disapproved of the liberty I had fered the martyrdom of their looks for some taken, putting me in mind of our being time, a whisper circulated at our expense, strangers to each other, and desiring I would which was accompanied with many contempt- not be the means of interrupting our acuous smiles, and tittering observations, to my quaintance by any' such unseasonable strokes utter shame and confusion. 1 did not'so of gallantry for the future: my ardour was much conduct, as follow, my charge to'a effectually checked by this reprimand, which place where she seated her mother and her- was, however, delivered in such a gentle self, with astonishing composure, notwith- manner, that I had no cause to be disobliged; standing the unmannerly behaviour of the and the''arrival of her mother delivered me whole company, which seemed tobe assumed from a dilemma, in which I should not have merely to put her out of countenance. The known how'to demean myself a minute celebrated Mr Nash, who commonly attends longer: neither could I resume the easiness in this place, as master of the ceremonies, of carriage with which I came in. My misperceiving the disposition of the assembly, tress acted on the reserve, and the contook upon himself the task of gratifying their versation beginning to flag, the old lady ill-nature still further, by exposing my mis- introduced her kinswoman of'the'house, and tress to the edge of his wit. With this view'proposed a hand at whist. lie approached us, with many bows and While we amused ourselves at this divergrimaces, and, after having welcomed Miss sion, I understood from the gentlewoman, Snapper to the place, asked her, in the hear- that there was to be an assembly next night, ing of all present, if she could inform him at which I begged to have the honour of of the name of Tobit's dog? I was so much dancing with miss. She thanked me for the incensed at his insolence that I should cer- favour I intended her, assured me she never tainly have kicked him where he stood, did dance, but signified a desire of seeing without ceremony, had not the young lady the company; when I offered my service, prevented the effects of my indignation, by which was accepted; not a little proud of replying, with the utmost vivacity,-" His being exempted from appearing with her in name was Nash, and an impudent dog he a situation, that, notwithstanding my professwas!" This repartee, so unexpected and ion to the contrary, was not at all agreejust, raised such an universal laugh at the able to my inclination. aggressor, that all his assurance was insuffi- Having supped, and continued the game cient to support him under their derision; so till such time as the successive yawns of that, after he had endeavoured to compose the mother warned me to be gone, I took himself by taking snuff, and forcing a smile, my leave, and went home, where I made he was obliged to sneak off in a very ludi- Strap very happy with an account of my crous attitude; while my Dulcinea was ap- progress. Next day I put on my gayest plauded to the skies, for the brilliancy of'apparel, and: went to drink tea at Mrs Snapher wit, and her acquaintance immediately per's, according to appointment, when I courted by the best people of both sexes in found, to my inexpressible satisfaction, that the room. This event, with which I was she was laid up with the toothach, and that infinitely pleased at first, did not fail' of miss was to be intrusted to my care. Acalarming me, upon further reflection, when I cordingly, we set out for the ball-room pretty considered that the more she was caressed early in the evening, and took possession of by persons of distinction, the more her pride a commodious place, where we had not sat would be inflamed, and consequently the longer than a quarter of an hour, when a obstacles to my success multiplied and en- gentleman dressed in a green frock came in, larged. Nor were my presaging fears untrue. leading a young lady, whom I immediately That very night I perceived her a little in- discovered to be the adorable Narcissa. toxicated with the incense she had received; Good heaven! what were the thrillings of and though she still behaved with a particular my soul at that instant! my reflection was civility to me, I foresaw, that, as soon as her overwhelmed with a torrent of agitation; my fortune should be known, she would be sur- heart throbbed with surprising violence; a rounded with a swarm of admirers, some one sudden mist overspread my eyes; my ears of whom might possibly, by excelling me in were invaded with a dreadful sound; I pantpoint of wealth, or in the arts of flattery and ed for want of breath; and, in short, was for scandal, supplant me in her esteem, and'find some moments entranced. This first tumult means to make the mother of his party. I'subsiding, a crowd of flattering ideas rushed resolved, therefore, to lose no time, and beinga upon my imagination; every thing that was invited to spend the evening with them, soft, sdnsible, and engaging in the cIharacter 166 SMOLLETT'S SELECT WORKS. of that dear creature, recurred to my remem- keep me any longer in torment. I feigned brance, and every favourable circumstance ignorance of her meaning, and having seen of my own qualifications appeared in all the her safely at her lodgings, took my leave, aggravation of self conceit, to heighten my and went home in an ecstasy, where I disexpectation. Neither was this transport of closed every thing that had happened to my long duration: the dread of her being already confidant and humble servant, Strap, who disposed of intervened, and overcast my en- did not relish the accident so well as I exchanting reverie. My presaging apprehen- pected, and observed that a bird in hand is sion represented her encircled in the arms worth two in the bush; "but however," of some happy rival, and of consequence said he, "you know best,-you know best." for ever lost to me. I was stung with this Next day, as I went to the pump-room, in suggestion, and believing the person who hopes of seeing or hearing some tidings of conducted her to be the husband of this my fair enslaver, I was met by a gentleamiable young lady, already devoted him to woman, who, having looked hard at me, my fury, and stood up to mark him for my cried,-" O Christ! Mr Random!" Surprised vengeance; when I recollected, to my un- at this exclamation, I examined the countespeakable joy, her brother, the fox-hunter, nance of the person who spoke, and iammein the person of her gallant. Undeceived so diately recognised my old sweetheart and much to my satisfaction in this particular, I fellow-sufferer, Miss Williams. gazed, in a frenzy of delight, on the irresis- I was mightily pleased to find this unfortible charms of his sister, who no sooner dis- tunate woman under such a decent appeartinguished me in the crowd, than her evident ance, professed my joy at seeing her so well, confusion afforded a happy omen to my flame. and desired to know where I should have At sight of me she started, the roses in- the pleasure of her conversation. She was stantly vanished from her polished cheeks, heartily rejoiced at the apparent easiness of and returned in a moment with a double my fortune, and gave me to know, that she, glow that overspread her lovely neck, while as yet, had no habitation that she could proher enchanting bosom heaved with strong perly call her owAn, but would wait on me at emotion. I hailed these favourable symp- any place I should please to appoint. Untoms, and, lying in wait for her looks, did derstanding that she was unengaged for the homage with my eyes. She seemed to ap- present, I showed her the way to my own prove my declaration, by the complacency lodgings, where, after a very affectionate of her aspect; and I was so transported with salutation, she informed me of her being her discovery, that more than once I was on very happy in the service of a young lady to the point of making up to her to disclose the whom she was recommended by a former throbbings of my heart in person, had not mistress deceased, into whose family she that profound veneration which her presence had recommended herself by the honest dealways inspired, restrained the unseasonable ceit she had concerted while she lived with impulse. All my powers being engrossed in me in the garret at London. She then exthis manner, it may easily be imagined how pressed a vehement desire to be acquainted ill I entertained Miss Snapper, on whom I with the vicissitudes of my life since we could not now turn my eyes, without making parted, and excused her curiosity on account comparisons very little to her advantage. of the concern she had for my interest. I It was not even in my power to return dis- forthwith granted her request, and when I tinct answers to the questions she asked me described my situation in Sussex, perceived from time to time, so that she could not help her to attend to my story with particular observing my absence of mind; and having eagerness. She interrupted me when I had a turn for observation, watched my glances, finished that period, with,-" Good God! is and tracing them to the divine object, dis- it possible!"-and then begged I would be covered the cause of my disorder. That she so good as to continue my relation; which I might, however, be convinced of the truth did as briefly as I could, burning with impaof her conjecture, she began to interrogate tience to know the cause of her surprise, me with regard to Narcissa, and, notwith- about which I had already formed a very standing all my endeavours to disguise my interesting conjecture. When I had brought sentiments, perceived my attachment by my my adventures down to the present day, she confusion. Upon which she assumed a state- seemed very much affected with the different liness of behaviour, and sat silent during the circumstances of my fortune; and saying, remaining part of the entertainment. At any with a smile, she believed my distresses other time, her suspicion would have alarmed were now at a period, proceeded to informn me; but now I was elevated by my passion me, that the lady whom she served was no above every other consideration. The mis- other than the charming Narcissa, who had tress of my soul having retired with her bro- honoured her with her confidence for some ther, I discovered so much uneasiness at my time; in consequence of which trust, she sittiation, that Miss Snapper proposed to go had often repeated the story of John Brown, home, and while I conducted her to a chair, with great admiration and regard; that she told me sne had too great a regard for me to loved to dwell upon the particulars of his ADVENTURES OF RODERICK RANDOM. 167 character, and did not scruple to own a ten- i acquaintance to breakfast, and learned from der approbation of his flame. I became de- her conversation, that my rival, Sir Timolirious at this piece of intelligence, strained thy, had drunk himself into an apoplexy, of Miss Williams in my embrace, called her the which he died five months ago; that the angel of my happiness, and. acted such ex- savage was still unmarried; and that his travagancies, that she might have been con- aunt had been seized with a whim which he vinced of my sincerity, had she not been little expected, and chosen the schoolmaster satisfied of my honour before. As soon as of the parish for her lord and husband; but I was in a condition to yield attention, she matrimony not agreeing with her constitudescribed the present situation of her mis- tion, she had been hectic and dropsical a tress, who had no sooner reached her lodg- good while, and was now at Bath, in order ings the night before, than she closeted her, to drink the waters for the recovery of her and, in a rapture of joy, gave her to know health; that her niece had accompanied her that she had seen me at the ball, where I hither at her request, and attended her with appeared in the character which she always the same affection as before, notwithstanding thought my due, with such advantage of the mistake she had committed; and that transformation, that unless my image had her nephew, who had been exasperated at been engraven on her heart, it would have the loss of her fortune, did not give his been impossible to know me for the person attendance out of good will, but purely to who had worn her aunt's livery; that, by the have an eye on his sister, lest she should language of my eyes, she was assured of the likewise throw herself away, without his continuance of my passion for her, and con- consent or approbation. Having enjoyed sequently of my being unengaged to any ourselves in this manner, and made an asother; and that, though she did not doubt I signation to meet next day at a certain place, would speedily fall upon some method of be- Miss Williams took her leave; and Strap's ing introduced, she was so impatient to hear looks being very inquisitive about the nature of me, that she (Miss Williams) had been of the communication subsisting between us, sent abroad. this very morning, on purpose I made him acquainted with the whole affair to learn the name and character I at present to his great astonishment and satisfaction. bore. My bosom had been hitherto a stranger to such a flood of joy as now rushed upon it: my faculties were overborne by the CHAPTER LVI. tide: it was some time before I could open my mouth, and much longer ere I could utter I become acquainted with Narcissa's bro a coherent sentence. At length I fervently ther, who invites me to his house, where requested her to lead me immediately to the I am introduced to that adorable creature object of my adoration: but she resisted my -after dinner, the squire retires to take importunity, and explained the danger of his nap-Freeman, guessing the situasuch premature conduct. —" How favourable tion of my thoughts, withdraws likewise soever," said she, " my lady's inclination to- on pretence of business-I declare my wards you may be, you may depend upon it, passion to Narcissa —am well received she will not commit the smallest trespass on — charmed with her conversation-the decorum, either in disclosing her own, or in squire detains us to supper —I elude his receiving a declaration of your passion; and design by a stratagem, and get home although the great veneration I have for you sober. has prompted me to reveal what she communicated to me in confidence, I know so IN the afternoon I drank tea at the house of well the severity of her sentiments with re- Mr Freeman, to whom I had been reconlspect to the punctilios of her sex, that, if she mended by Banter; where I had not sat five should learn the least surmise of it, she would minutes, till the fox-hunter came in, and by not only dismiss me as a wretch unworthy his familiar behaviour appeared to be intimate of her benevolence, but also for ever shun with my friend. I was at first under some the efforts of your love." I assented to the concern, lest he should recollect my features justness of her remonstrance, and desired but when I found myself introduced to him she would assist me with her advice and as a gentleman from London, without being direction: upon which it was concerted be- discovered, I blessed the opportunity that tween us, that, for the present, I should be brought me into his company, hoping that, in contented with her telling Narcissa, that, in the course of our acquaintance, he would the course of her inquiries, she could only invite me to his house. Nor were my hopes learn my name: and that if, in a day or two, frustrated; for, as we spent the evening I could fall upon no other method of being together, he grew extremely fond of my introduced to her mistress, she would deliver conversation, asked a great many childish a letter from me, on pretence of consulting questions about France and other foreign her happiness; and say that I met her in the parts; and seemed so highly entertained with street, and bribed her to this piece of service. my answers, that, in his cups, he shook me Matters being thus adjusted, I kept my old often by the hand, pronounced me an honest '168 SMOLLETT'S SELECT WORKS. fellow, and, in fine, desired our coripany gaged. At last Mr Freeman called at my at dinner next day in his own house. My lodgings, in his way, and I accompanied him imagination was so much employed in anti- to the house where all my happiness was cipating the happiness I was to enjoy next, deposited. We were very kindly received day, that I slept very little that night; bhut, by the squire, who sat smoking his pipe in a rising early in the morning, went to the parlour, and asked if we chose to drink any place appointed, where I met my she-friend, thing before dinner: though I had never more and imparted to her my success with the' occasion for a cordial, I was ashamed to acsquire. She was very much pleased at the *cept his offer, which was also refused by my occasion, which (she said) could not fail of fi-iend.'We sat down, however, and entered being agreeable to Narcissa, who, in spite into conversation, which lasted half an hour, of her passion for me, had mentioned some so that I had time to recollect myself; and, scruples relating to my true situation and so capricious were my thoughts, even to hope character, which the delicacy of her senti- that Narcissa would not appear-when, all ments suggested, and which she believed I of'a sudden, a servant, coming in, gave us would find it necessary to remove, though notice that dinner was upon the table-and she did not know how. I was a good deal my perturbation returned with such violence, startled at this insinuation, because I fore- that I could scarce conceal it from the comsaw the difficulty I should find in barely pany as I ascended the staircase. WThen I doing myself justice; for although it'was entered the dining-room, the first object that never my intention to impose myself upon saluted'my ravished eyes was the divine any woman, much less on Narcissa, as a man Narcissa, blushing like Aurora, adorned with of fortune, I laid claim to the character of'a all the graces that meekness, innocence, and gentleman, bybirth, education, andbehaviour; beauty can diffuse. I was seized with a and yet (so unlucky had the circumstances giddiness, my knees tottered, and I scarce of my life fallen out) I should find it a very had strength enough to perform the cerehard matter to make good my pretensions mony of salutation, when her brother, slap. even to these, especially to the'last, which ping me on the shoulder, cried,-" Measter was the most essential. Miss Williams was Randan, that there is my sister." I apas sensible as I of this my disadvantage, but proached her with great eagerness and fear; comforted me with observing, that when but in the moment of our embrace, my soul once a woman had bestowed her affections was agonized with rapture; it was a lucky on a man, she cannot help judging of him in circumstance for us both, that my entertainer all respects with a partiality easily influenced was not endued with an uncommon stock of in his favour: she remarked, that although penetration; for our mutual confusion was some situations of my life had been low, yetl so manifest, that Mr Freeman perceived it, none of them had been infamous; that my and,'as we'went home together, congratuindigence had neen the crime not of me, but lated me on my good fortune. But so far of fortune; and that the miseries I had under- was Bruin from entertaining the least susgone, by improving the faculties both of mind picion, that he encouraged me to begin a and body, qualified me the more for any conversation with my mistress in a language dignified station, and would of consequence unknown to him, by telling her, that he had recommend me to the good graces of any brought a gentleman who could jabber with sensible woman: she therefore advised me her in French and other foreign lingos, as fast to be always open and unreserved to the as she pleased; then turning to me, said,inquiries of my mistress, without unneces- "Odds bods! I wish you would hold discourse sarily betraying the meanest occurrences of with her in your French or Italiano, and tell my fate, and trust to the strength'of her love me if she understands it as well as she would and reflection for the rest. The sentiments be thought to do-there's her atunt and she of this sensible young woman, on this as will chatter together whole days in it; and I well as on almost every other subject, per- can't have a mouthful of English for love or fectly- agreed with mine: I thanked her for money." I consulted the look of my amiable the care she took of my interests, and prom- mistress, and found her averse to his proising to behave myself according to her posal, which she declined with a sweetness direction, we parted, after she had assured of denial peculiar to herself, as a piece of me, that I might depend upon her best offices disrespect to that part of the company which with her mistress, and that she would from did not understand the language in question. time to time communicate to me such intelli- As I had the'happiness of sitting opposite to gence as she should procure relating to my her, I feasted my eyes muich more than my flame. Having dressed myself to the best palate, which she tempted in vain with the advantage, I waited for the time of dinner most delicious bits carved by her fair hand, with the most fearful impatience; and as the and recommended by her persuasive tongue; hour drew nigh, my heart beat with such but all my other appetites were swallowed increased velocity, and my'spirits contracted up in'the immensity of my love, which I fed Buch disorder, that I began to suspect my'by gazingincessantly on the delightful object. -esolution, and even to wish myself disen- Dinnerwas scarce ended, when the squire ADVENTURES OF RODERICK RANDOM. 169 became very drowsy, and, after several dread- pensed by her kind compassion for what I ful yawns, got up, stretched himself, took had undergone, and declared that the future two or three turns across the room, begged happiness of my life depended solely upon we would allow him to take a short nap, and, her. "Sir," said she, "I should be very having laid a strong injunction on his sister ungrateful, if, after the signal protection you to detain us till his return, went to his repose once afforded me, I should refuse to contriwithout further ceremony. He had not been bute towards your happiness, in any reasongone many minutes, when Freeman, guessing able condescension." Transported at this the situation of my heart, and thinking he acknowledgement, I threw myself at her feet, could not do me a greater favour than to and begged she would regard my passion leave me alone with Narcissa, pretended to with a favourable eye: she was alarmed at recollect himself all of a sudden, and starting my behaviour, entreated me to rise, lest her up, begged the lady's pardon for half an hour, brother should discover me in that posture, for he had luckily remembered an engage- and to spare her, for the present, upon a ment of some consequence, that he must subject for which she was altogether unpreperform at that instant; so saying, he took pared. In consequence ofthisremonstrance, his leave, promising to come back time I arose, assuring her I would rather die than enough for tea, leaving my mistress and me disobey her; but, in the mean time, begged in great confusion. Now that I enjoyed an her to consider how precious the minutes of opportunity of disclosing the pantings of my this opportunity were, and what restraint I soul, I had not power to use it. I studied put upon my inclination in sacrificing them many pathetic declarations, but when I at- to her desire. She smiled with unspeakable tempted to give them utterance, my tongue sweetness, and said there would be no want denied its office; and she sat silent, with a of opportunities, provided I could maintain downcast look, full of anxious alarm, her the good opinion her brother had conceived bosom heaving with expectation of some of me; and I, enchanted by her charms, great event. At length I endeavoured. to seized her hand, which I well nigh devoured put an end to this solemn pause, and began with kisses. But she checked my boldness with,-" It is very surprising, madam,"- with a severity of countenance, and desired here the sound dying away, I made a full I would not so far forget myself or her as to stop-while Narcissa, starting, blushed, and, endanger the esteem she had for me: she with a timid accent, answered,-" Sir?" reminded me of our being almost strangers Confounded at this note of interrogation, I to each other, and of the necessity there was pronounced, with the most sheepish bashful- for her knowing me better before she could ness,-" Madam!"-To which she replied,- take any resolution in my favour; and, in " I beg pardon-I thought you had spoken to short, mingled so much good sense and comi me." Anotherpauseensued —Imadeanother placency in her reproof, that I became as effort; and though my voice faltered very much enamoured of her understanding, as I much at the beginning, made shift to express had been before of her beauty, and asked myself in this manner: —" I say, madam,'tis pardon for my presumption with the utmost very surprising that love should act so incon- reverence of conviction. She forgave my sistently with itself, as to deprive its votaries offence with her usual affability; and sealed of the use of their faculties when they have my pardon with a look so full of bewitching most need of them. Since the happy occasion tenderness, that for some minutes my senses of being alone with you presented itself, I were lost in ecstasy. I afterwards endeahave made many unsuccessful attempts to voured to regulate my behaviour according to declare my passion for the loveliest of her her desire, and turn the conversation upon a sex-a passion which took possession of my more indifferent subject; but her presence soul, while my cruel fate compelled me to was an insurmountable obstacle to my design. wear a servile disguise so unsuitable to my While I beheld so much excellence, I found birth, sentiments, and, let me add, my deserts: it impossible to call my attention from the yet favourable in one respect, as it furnished contemplation of it. I gazed with unutterame with opportunities of seeing and adoring ble fondness; I grew mad with admiration.your perfections-yes, madam, it was then "My condition is insupportable!" cried I, " I your dear idea entered my bosom, where it am distracted with passion; why are you so has lived unimpaired in the midst of number- exquisitely fair? why are you so enchantingly less cares, and animated me against a thou- good? why has nature dignified you with sand dangers and calamities." While I spoke charms so much above the standard of thus, she concealed her face with her fan, women? and, wretch that I am, how dares and when I ceased speaking, recovering her- my unworthiness aspire to the enjoyment of self from the most beautiful confusion, told such perfection?" me, she thought herself very much obliged She was startled at my ravings, reasoned by my favourable opinion of her, and that down my transport, and by her irresistible she was very sorry to hear I had been unfor- eloquence soothed my soul into a state of tunate. Encouraged by this gentle reply, I tranquil felicity; but, lest I might suffer a proceeded, owned myself sufficiently recom- relapse, industriously promoted other sub. 4 P* 60 170 SMOLLETT'S SELECT WORKS. jects to entertain my imagination. She chid spending the evening at his house with such me for having omitted to inquire about her obstinacy of affection, that we were obliged aunt, who (she assured me), in the midst of to comply. For my own part, I should have:ll her absence of temper, and detachment'been glad of the invitation, by which (in all fiom common affairs, often talked of me with likelihood) I should be blessed with more of tuncornmon warmth. I professed my venera- his sister's company, had I not been afraid tion for the good lady, excused my omission, of risking her esteem by entering into a deby imputing it to the violence of my love, bauch of drinking with him-which, from the which engrossed my whole soul, and desired knowledge of his character, I foresaw would to know the situation of her health: upon happen: but there was no remedy. I was which the amiable Narcissa repeated what I forced to rely upon the strength of my conhad heard before of her marriage, with all stitution, which I hoped would resist intoxithe tenderness for her reputation that the cation longer than the squire's-and to trust subject would admit of; told me she lived to the good nature and discretion of my miswith her husband hard by, and was so much tress for the rest. afflicted with the dropsy and wasted by a Our entertainer, resolving to begin by consumption, that she had small hopes of times, ordered the table to be furnished with her recovery. Having expressed my sorrow liquor and glasses immediately after tea; but f9r her distemper, I questioned her about my we absolutely refused to set in for drinking good friend Mrs Sagely, who I learned (to so soon, and prevailed upon him to pass away my great satisfaction) was still in good an hour or two atwhi'st, in which we engaged health, and who had, by the encomiums she as soon as Narcissa returned. The savage bestowed upon me after I was gone, con- and I happened to be partners at first; and firmred the f:avourable impressions my beha- as my thoughts were wholly employed in a viourat parting had made on Narcissa's heart. more interesting game, I played so ill, that The circumstance introduced an inquiry-into he lost all patience, swore bitterly, and the conduct of Sir Timothy Thicket, who threatened to call for wine if they would not (she informed me) had found means to in- grant him another associate. This desire cense her brother so much against me, that was gratified, and Narcissa and I were of a she found it impossible to undeceive him; side; he won for the same reason that made but, on the contrary, suffered very much in him lose before: I was satisfied, my lovely her own character by his scandalous insinu- partner did not repine, and the time slipped ations that the whole parish was alarmed, away very agreeably, until we were told that and ai.miaally in pursuit of me; so that she supper was served in another room. had been in the utmost consternation upon The squire was enraged to find the evenmy account, well knowing how little my own ing so unprofitably spent, and wreaked his innocence and her testimony would have vengeance on the cards, which he tore, and weighed with the ignorance, prejudice, and committed to the flames with many execrabrutality, of those who must have judged me, tions, threatening to make us redeem our had I been apprehended; that Sir Timothy, loss with a large glass and quick circulation; having been seized with a fit of apoplexy, and indeed we had no sooner supped, and from which with great difficulty he was re- my charmer withdrawn, than he began to covered, began to be apprehensive of death, put his threats in execution. Three bottles and to prepare himself accordingly for that of port (for he drank no other sort of wine) great event; as a step to which he sent for were placed before us, with as many waterher brother, owned with great contrition the glasses, which were immediately filled to the brutal design he had upon her, and of conse- brim, after his example, by each out of his quence acquitted me of the assault, robbery, respective allowance, and emptied in a trice, and correspondence with her, which he laid to the best in Christendom. Though I to my charge; after which confession he swallowed this and the next as fast as the lived about a month in a languishing con- glass could be replenished, without hesitation dition, and was carried off by a second assault. or show of reluctance, I perceived that my Every word that this dear creature spoke brain would not be able to bear many bumpriveted the chains with which she held me ers of this sort; and, dreading the perseveenslaved: my mischievous fancy began to rance of a champion who began with such work, and the tempest of my passion to wake vigour, I determined to make up for the again, when the return of Freeman destroyed deficiency of my strength by a stratagem, the tempting opportunity, and enabled me which I actually put in practice when the to quell the rising tumult. A little while af- second course of bottles was called for. The ter the squire staggered into the room rubbing wine being strong and heady, I was already nis eyes.-and called for his tea, which he a good deal discomposed by the dispatch we dranm, out of a small bowl, qualified with had made, Freeman's eyes began to reel, brandy, while we took it in the usual way. and Bruin himself was elevated into a song, Narcissa left us in order to visit her aunt; which he uttered with great vociferation. atnd when Freeman and I proposed to take When I therefore saw the second round kour leave, the fox-hunter insisted on our brought in, I assumed a gay-air, entertained ADVENTURES OF RODERICK RANDOM. 171 him with a French catch on the subject of after she had retired the night before from drinking, which, though he did not under- our company. I could scarce believe her stand it, delighted him highly; and, telling information, when she recounted her expresshim that your choice spirits at Paris never ions in my favour, so much more warm and troubled themselves with glasses, asked if passionate were they than my most sanguine he had not a bowl or cup in the house that hopes had presaged; and was particularly would contain a whole quart of wine? pleased to hear that she approved of my " Odds niggers!" cried he, "I have a silver behaviour to her brother after she withdrew. caudle cup that holds just the quantity, for Transported at the news of my happiness, I all the world-fetch it hither, Numps." presented my ring to the messenger, as a The vessel being produced I made him de- testimony of my gratitude and satisfaction; cant his bottle into it, which he having done, but she was above such mercenary consideI nodded in a very deliberate manner, and rations, and refused my compliment with said, —" Pledge you." He stared at me for some resentment, saying she was not a little some time, and crying,-" What! all at one mortified to see my opinion of her so low pull, Measter Randan!" I answered,-"At and contemptible. I did myself a piece of one pull, sir,-you are no milk-sop-we justice by explaining my behaviour on this shall do you justice." "Shall you," said head, and, to convince her of my esteem, he, shaking me by the hand, " odd then I'll promised to be ruled by her directions in the see it out, an't were a mile to the bottom. prosecution of the whole affair, which I had Here's to our better acquaintance, Measter so much at heart, that the repose of my life Randan." So saying, he applied it to his depended upon the consequence. lips, and emptied it in a breath. I knew As I fervently wished for another interthe effbct of it would be almost instantaneous; view, where I might pour out the effusions therefore, taking the cup, began to discharge of my love without danger of being intermy bottle into it, telling him he was now rupted, and perhaps reap some endearing qualified to drink with the cham of Tartary. return from the queen of my desires, I imI had no sooner pronounced these words, plored her advice and assistance in promoting than he took umbrage at them, and, after this event; but she gave me to understand, several attempts to spit, made shift to stutter that Narcissa would make: no precipitate out,-"A f-t for your charns ofT-Tartary! compliances of this kind, and that I would a am a f-f-free-born Englishman, worth do well to cultivate her brother's acquaintth —three thousand a-year, and v-value no ance, in the course of which I should not man, darnme!" Then dropping his jaw, want opportunities of removing that reserve and fixing his eyes, he hiccuped aloud, and which my mistress thought herself obliged fell upon the floor, as mute as a flounder. to maintain during the infancy of our corresMr Freeman, heartily glad at his defeat, as- pondence. In the mean time she promised sisted me in carrying him to bed, where we to tell her lady, that I had endeavoured, by left him to the care of his servants, and went presents and persuasions, to prevail upon home to our respective habitations, congratu- her (Miss Williams) to deliver a letter from lating each other on our good fortune. me, which she had refused to charge herself with until she should know Narcissa's sentiments of the matter; and said, by these CHAPTER LVII. means she did not doubt of being able to open a literary communication between us, Miss Williams informs me of Narcissa's which could not fail of introducing more approbation of my flame-1 appease the intimate connexions. squire —write to my mistress, am blessed I approved of her counsel, and our appointwith an answer-beg leave of her brother ment being renewed for next day, left her to dance with her at a ball; obtain his with an intent of falling upon some method consent and hers-enjoy a private con- of being reconciled to the squire, who, I versation with her —am perplexed with supposed, would be offended with the trick reflections —have the honour of appearing we had put upon him. With this view, I her partner at a ball-we are compliment- consulted Freeman, who, from his knowed by a certain nobleman-he discovers ledge of the fox-hunter's disposition, assured some symptoms of a passion for Narcissa me there was no other method of pacifying -I am stung with jealousy-Narcissa, him, than that of sacrificing ourselves for alarmed, retires-I observe Melinda in one night to an equal match with him in the company-the squire is captivated by drinking. This expedient I found myself her beauty. necessitated to comply with for the interest of my passion, and therefore determined to WAS met next morning, at the usual place, commit the debauch at my own lodgings, by Miss Williams, who gave me joy of the that I might run no risk of being discovered progress I had made in the affection of her by Narcissa in a state of brutal degeneracy. mistress, and blessed me with an account of Mr Freeman, who was to be of the party, that dear creature's conversation with her, went at my desire, to the squire, in order to 172 SMOLLETT'S SELECT WORKS. engage him, while I took care to furnish and asked if I intended to dance with her at myself for his reception. My invitation was the next assembly. I was a good deal conaccepted, my guests honoured me with their cerned to find myself become the town-talk company in the evening, when Bruin gave on this subject, lest the squire, having notice me to understand that he had drank many of my inclinations, should disapprove of tuns of wine in his life, but was never served them, and, by breaking off all correspondsuch a trick as I had played upon him the ence with me, deprive me of the opportuninight before. I promised to atone for my ties I now enjoyed. But I resolved to use trespass, and having ordered to every man the interest 1 had with him while it lasted; his bottle, began the contest with a bumper and that very night, meeting him occasionto the health of Narcissa. The toasts circu- ally, asked his permission to solicit her lated with great devotion, the liquor began company at the ball, which he very readily to operate, our mirth grew noisy, and as granted, to my inexpressible satisfaction. Freeman and I had the advantage of drinking Having been kept awake the greatest part small French claret, the savage was effectu- of the night by a thousand delightful reveries ally tamed before our senses were in the that took possession of my fancy, I got up least affected, and carried home in an apo- by times, and, flying to the place of rendezplexy of drunkenness. vous, had in a little time the pleasure of I was next morning, as usual, favoured seeing Miss Williams approach with a smile with a visit from my kind and punctual con- on her countenance, which I interpreted into fidante, who telling me she was permitted to a good omen. Neither was I mistaken in receive my letters for her mistress, I took up my presage; she presented me with a letter my pen immediately, and following the first from the idol of my soul, which, after having dictates of my passion, wrote as follows:- kissed it devoutly, I opened with the utmost "DEAR MADAM, eagerness, and was blessed with her appro" Were it possible for the powers of utter- bation in these terms:ance to reveal the soft emotions of my soul, "SIR, the fond anxiety, the glowing hopes, the "To say I look upon you with indifference, chilling fears, that rule -my breast by turns, would be a piece of dissimulation, which I I should need no other witness than this think no decorum requires, and no custom paper to evince the purity and ardour of that can justify. As my heart never felt an imflame your charms have kindled in my pression that my tongue was ashamed to heart. But, alas! expression wrongs my declare, I will not scruple to own myself love! I am inspired with conceptions that pleased with your passion, confident of your nlo language can convey! Your beauty fills integrity, and so well convinced of my own me with wonder, your understanding with discretion, that I should not hesitate in ravishment, and your goodness with adora- granting you the interview you desire, were tion! I am transported with desire, dis- I not overawed by the prying curiosity of a tracted with doubts, and tortured with impa- malicious world, the censure of which might tience! Suffer me, then, lovely arbitress of be fatally prejudicial to the reputation of your my fate, to approach you in person, to " NARCISSA." breathe in soft murmurs my passion to No anchorite in the ecstasy of devotion your ear, to offer the sacrifice of a heart ever adored a relique with more fervour than overflowing with the most genuine and dis- that with which I kissed this inimitable interested love, to gaze with ecstasy on the proof of my charmer's candour, generosity, divine object of my wishes, to hear the music and affection. I read it over a hundred of her enchanting tongue, and to rejoice in times; was ravished with her confession in her smiles of approbation, which will banish the beginning; but the subscription of your the most intolerable suspense from the bosom Narcissa yielded me such delight as I had of your enraptured never felt before. My happiness was still "R - -—. R." increased by Miss Williams, who blessed me Having finished this effusion, I committed with a repetition of her lady's tender exit to the care of my faithful friend, with an pressions in my favour, when she received injunction to second my entreaty with all and read my letter. In short, I had all the her eloquence and influence; and, in the reason in the world to believe that this genmean time, went to dress, with an intention tle creature's bosom was possessed by a of visiting Mrs Snapper and Miss, whom I passion for me, as warm, though perhaps not Itad utterly neglected, and indeed lImost so impetuous, as mine for her. tbrgot, since my dear Narcissa had resumed I informed my friend of the squire's conthe empire of my soul. The old gentlewo- sent to my dancing with Narcissa at the ball, man received me very; kindly, and miss and desired her to tell her mistress, that i affected a frankness and gaiety, which, how- would do myself the honour of visiting her ever, I could easily perceive were forced and in the afternoon, in consequence of his perdissembled; among other things, she pre- mission, when I hoped to find her as indul-;tended to joke me upon my passion for gent as her brother had been* complaisant in Narcissa, which she averred was no secret, that particular. Miss Williams expressed a ADVENTURES OF RODERICK RANDOM. 173 good deal of joy at hearing I was so much to my embraces, while I, encircling all that in favour with the fox-hunter, and ventured I held dear within my arms, tasted in advance to assure me, that my visit would be very the joys of that paradise I hoped in a little agreeable to my mistress, the rather because time wholly to possess. We spent the after. Bruin was engaged to dine abroad. This noon in all the ecstasy of hope, that the most was a circumstance which I scarce need say fervent love, exchanged by mutual vows, pleased me. I went immediately to the could inspire; and Miss Williams was so long-room, where I found him, and, affecting much affected with our chaste caresses, which to know nothing of his engagement, told recalled the sad remembrance of what she him, I would do myself the pleasure to wait was, that her eyes were filled with tears. upon him in the afternoon, and present his The evening being pretty far advanced, I sister with a ticket for the ball. He shook forced myself from the dear object of my me by the hand, according to custom, and, flame, who indulged me in a tender embrace giving me to understand that he was to dine at parting; and, repairing to my lodgings, abroad, desired me to go and drink tea with communicated to my friend Strap every cirNarcissa notwithstanding, and promised to cumstance of my happiness, which filled him prepare her for my visit in the mean time. with so much pleasure, that it ran over at his Every thing succeeding thus to my wish, eyes; and he prayed heartily, that no envious I waited with incredible impatience for the devil might, as formerly, dash the cup of time, which no sooner arrived than I has- blessing from my lip. When I reflected on tened to the scene, which my fancy had what had happened, and especially on the pre-occupied long before. I was introduced unreserved protestations of Narcissa's love, accordingly to the dear enchantress, whom I could not help being amazed at her omitI found accompanied by Miss Williams, who, ting to inquire into the particular circumon pretence of ordering tea, retired at my stances of the life and fortune of one whom approach. This favourable accident, which she had favoured with her affection; and I alarmed my whole soul, disordered her also. began to be a little anxious about the situI found myself actuated by an irresistible ation of her finances, well knowing that I impulse; I advanced to her with eagerness should do an irreparable injury to the person and awe, and, profiting by the confusion that my soul held most dear, if I should espouse prevailed over her, clasped the fair angel in her, without being able to support her in the my arms and imprinted a glowing kiss upon rank which was certainly her due. I had her lips, more soft and fragrant than the heard, indeed, while I served her aunt, that dewy rose-bud just bursting from the stem. her father had left her a considerable sum, Her face was in an instant covered with and that every body believed she would inblushes-her eyes sparkled with resentment herit the greatest part of her kinswoman's -I threw myself at her feet, and implored dowry; but I did not know how far she might her pardon. Her love became an advocate be restricted by the old gentleman's will in in my cause; her look softened into forgive- the enjoyment of what he left her; and I was ness; she raised me up, and chid me with so too well informed of the virtuoso's late conmuch sweetness of displeasure, that I should duct, to think my mistress could have any have been tempted to repeat the offence, had expectations from that quarter. I confided, not the coming in of a servant with the tea- however, in the good sense and policy of my board prevented my presumption. While charmer, who, I was sure, would not consent we were subject to be interrupted or over- to unite her fate with mine, before she had heard, we conversed about the approaching fully considered and provided for the conball, at which she promised to grace me as a sequence. partner; but when the equipage was removed, The ball-night being arrived, I dressed and we were left alone, I resumed the more myself in a suit I had reserved for some interesting theme, and expressed myself with grand occasion;rand, having drank tea with such transport and agitation, that my mis- Narcissa and her brother, conducted my tress, fearing I would commit some extrava- angel to the scene, where she in a moment gance, rung the bell for her maid, whom she eclipsed all herfemale competitors for beauty, detained in the room as a check upon my and attracted the admiration of the whole vivacity. I was not sorry for this precaution, assembly. My heart dilated with pride on because I could unhosom myself without re- this occasion, and my triumph rejected all serve before Miss Williams, who was the bounds, when, after we had danced together, confidante of us both. I therefore gave a a certain nobleman, remarkable for his figure loose to the inspirations of my passion, which and influence in the beau monde, came up, operated so successfully upon the tender and, in the hearing of all present, honoured affections of Narcissa, that she laid aside the us with a very particular compliment upon constraint she had hitherto worn, and blessed our accomplishments and appearance; but me with the most melting declaration of her this transport was soon checked, when I mutual flame. It was impossible for me to perceived his lordship attach himself with forbear taking the advantage of this endear- great assiduity to my mistress, and say some Ing condescension, She now gently yielded warm things, which I thought savoured too 60* 174 SMOLLETT'S SELECT WZORKS. much of passion. It was then I began to noble admirer, with a look fiill of languish. feel the pangs of jealousy-I dreaded the ment, directed to her a profound bow, which power and address of my rival-I sickened stung me to the soul. Before she went into at his discourse. When she opened her lips the chair, she asked, with an appearance of to answer, my heart died within me; when concern, what was the matter with me; she smiled, I felt the pains of the damned. and I could pronounce no more than —" By I was enraged at his presumption; I cursed heaven! I'm distracted." her complaisance: at length he quitted her, and went to the other side of the room. Narcissa suspecting nothing of the rage that CHAPTER LVIII. inflamed me, put some questions to me as soon as he was gone, to which I made no Tortured with jealousy, I go home and reply, but assumed a grim look, which too abuse Strap-receive a message from well denoted the agitation of my breast, and Narcissa, in consequence of which I hassurprised her not a little. She no sooner ten to her apartment, where her endearobserved my emotion, than she changed co- ing assurances banish all my doubts and lour, and asked what ailed me; but before I apprehensions —in my retreat discover could make answer, her brother, pulling me somebody in the dark, whom, suspecting by the sleeve, bade me take notice of a lady to be a spy, I resolve to kill; but, to my who sat fronting us, whom I immediately, to great surprise, am convinced of his being my vast astonishment, distinguished to be no other than Strap-Melinda slanders Melinda, accompanied by her mother, and me-I become acquainted with Lord Quian elderly gentleman whom I did not know. verwit, who endeavours to sound me with "Wounds! Mr Randan," cried the squire, regard to Narcissa-the squire is intro" is she not a delicate piece of stuff?'Sdeath! duced to his lordship, and grows cold toI have a good mind-if I thought she was a, wards me-I learn from my confidante, single person." Notwithstanding the per- that this nobleman professes honourable plexity I was in, I had reflection enough to love to my mistress, who continues faithforesee that my passion might:suffer greatly ful to me, notwithstanding the scandalous by the presence of this lady, who in all pro- reports she has heard to my prejudicebability would revenge herself upon me for I am mortified with an assurance that having formerly disgraced her, by spreading her whole fortune depends upon the pleareports to my prejudice. I was therefore sure of her brother-Mr Freeman conalarmed at these symptoms of the squire's doles me on the decline of my character, admiration, and for some time did not know which I vindicate so much to his satiswhat reply to make, when he asked my faction, that he undertakes to combat opinion of her beauty: at length I came to a fame in my behalf. determination, and told him that her name was Melinda, and that she had a fortune HAVING uttered this exclamation, at wnlcb of ten thousand pounds: and was said to she sighed, I went home in the condition be under promise of marriage to a certain of a frantic bedlamite; and finding the fire lord, who deferred his nuptials a few months, in my apartment almost extinguished, vented until he should be of age. I thought this my fury upon poor Strap, whose ear I pinched piece of intelligence, which I had myself in- with such violence, that he roared hideously vented, would have hindered him effectually with pain, and, when I quitted my hold, from entertaining any farther thoughts* of looked so foolishly aghast, that no unconher; but I was egregiously mistaken. The cerned spectator could have seen him, withfox-hunter had too much self-sufficiency to out being seized with an immoderate fit of despair of success against any competitor on laughter. It is true, I was soon sensible of earth: he therefore made li~gt of her engage- the injury I had done, and asked pardon for ment, saying, with a smile of self-approba- the outrage I had committed; upon which tion, —" Mayhap she will change her mind- my faithful valet, shaking his head, said,what signifies his being a lord I think my- " I forgive you, and may God forgive you." self as good a man as e'er a lord in Christen- But he could not help shedding some tears dom; —and I'll see if a commoner worth at my unkindness. I felt unspeakable rethree thousand a-year won't serve her turn." morse for what I had done, cursed my own This determination startled me not a little; ingratitude, and considered his tears as a I knew he would soon discover the contrary reproach that my soul, in her present disturbof what I advanced; and as I believed he ance, could not bear. It set all my passions would find her ear open to his addresses, did into a ferment; I swore horrible oaths withnot doubt of meeting with every obstacle in out meaning or application, I foamed at the my amour that her malice could invent, and mouth, kicked the chairs about the room, her influence execute. This reflection in- and played abundance of mad pranks, that creased my chagrin. My vexation was evi- frightened my friend almost out of his senses. dent. Narcissa insisted on going home im- At length my transport subsided, I became mediately; and, as I led her to the door, her melancholy, and wept insensiblv. ADVENTURES OF RODERICK RANDOM. 175 During my state of dejection, I was sur- the mischievous consequences that would prised with the appearance of Miss Wil- have attended such a rash action, and cauliams, whom Strap, blubbering all the while, tioning him severely against any such design had conducted into the chamber, without for the future, concluded my admonition with giving me previous notice of her approach. an assurance, that in case he should ever act She was extremely affected with my condi- so madly, I would, without hesitation, put tion, which she had learned from him, beg- him to death. "Have a little patience," ged me to moderate my passion, suspend cried he in a lamentable tone, "your dismy conjectures, and follow her to Narcissa, pleasure will do the business, without your who desired to see me forthwith. That committing murder." I was touched with dear name operated upon me like a charm. this reproach; and, as soon as we got home, I started up, and without opening my lips, made it my business to appease him, by exwas conducted into her apartment through plaining the cause of that transport during the garden, which we entered by a private which I had used him so unworthily. door. I found the adorable creature in tears. Next day, when I went into the long-room, I was melted at the sight-we continued I observed several whispers circulate all of a silent for some time-my heart was too full sudden, and did not doubt that Melinda had to speak-her snowy bosom heaved with fond been busy with my character: but I consoled resentment;-at last she sobbing cried,- myself with the love of Narcissa, upon which " What have I done to disoblige you? " My I rested with the most perfect confidence, heart was pierced with the tender question! and going up to the rowly-powly table, won I drew near with the utmost reverence of a few pieces from my suspected rival, who, affection!-I fell upon my knees before her, with an easy politeness, entered into conand, kissing her hand, exclaimed,-" O! versation with me, and desiring my company thou art all goodness and perfection! I am at the coffeehouse, treated me with tea and undone by my want of merit!-I am unwor- chocolate. I remembered Strutwell, and thy to possess thy charms, which heaven guarded against his insinuating behaviour; hath destined for the arms of some more nor was my suspicion wrong placed; he artfavoured being." She guessed the cause of fully turned the discourse upon Narcissa, and my disquiet, upbraided me gently for my endeavoured, by hinting at an intrigue he suspicion, and gave me such flattering as- pretended to be engaged in elsewhere, to surances of her eternal fidelity, that all my learn what connection there was between doubts and fears forsook me, and peace and her and me. But all his finesse was inefsatisfaction reigned within my breast. fectual; I was convinced of his dissimulaAt midnight I left the fair nymph to her tion, and gave such general answers to his repose, and being let out by Miss Williams, inquiries, that he was forced to drop the subat the garden gate by which I entered, began ject and talk of something else. to explore my way homeward in the dark, While we conversed in this manner, the when I heard at my back a noise like that savage came in with another gentleman, of a baboon when he mews and chatters. I who introduced him to his lordship; and he turned instantly, and perceiving something was received with such peculiar marks of black, concluded I was discovered by some distinction, that I was persuaded the courtier spy employed to watch for that purpose: intended to use him in some shape or other, aroused at this conjecture, by which the re- and from thence I drew an unlucky omen. putation of the virtuous Narcissa appeared But I had more cause to be dismayed the in jeopardy, I drew my sword, and would following day, when I saw the squire in have sacrificed him to her fame, had not the company with Melinda and her mother, who voice of Strap restrained my arm: it was honoured me with several disdainful glances; with great difficulty he could pronounce,- and when I afterwards threw myself in his "D-d-do! mum-um —um-murder me, if way, instead of the cordial shake of the you please." Such an effect had the cold hand, he returned my salute with a cold reupon his jaws, that his teeth rattled like a petition of-," Servant, servant;" which he pair of castanets. Pleased to be thus un- pronounced with such indifference, or rather deceived, I laughed at his consternation, and contempt, that, if he had not been Narcissa's asked what brought him thither? upon which brother, I should have affronted him in public. he gave me to understand, that his concern These occurrences disturbed me not a for me had induced him to follow me to that little. I foresaw the brooding storm, and place, where the same reason had detained armed myself with resolution for the ochim till now; and he frankly owned, that, in casion; but Narcissa being at stake, I was spite of the esteem he had for Miss Wil- far from being resigned. I could have reliams, he began to be very uneasy about me, nounced every other comfort of life with considering the disposition in which I went some degree of fortitude; but the prospect of abroad, and if I had staid much longer, would losing her disabled all my philosophy, and have certainly alarmed the neighbourhood in tortured my soul into madness. my behalf. The knowledge of this his inten- Miss Williams found me next morning tion confounded me. I represented to him full of anxious tumult, which did not abate 176 SMOLLETT'S SELECT WORKS. when she told me, that my Lord Quiverwit, adventure with the frenchified barber, by having professed honourable intentions, had way of reprisal. In the mean time, having been introduced to my lovely mistress by her promised to be at the garden gate about brother, who had, at the same time, from the midnight, Miss Williams took her leave, bidinformation of Melinda, spoken of me as an ding me repose myself entirely on the affecIrish fortune-hunter, without either birth or tion of my dear Narcissa, which was as perestate; who supported myself in the appear- fect as inviolable. Before I went abroad, I ance of a gentleman by sharping and other was visited by Freeman, who came on purinfamous practices; and who was of such an pose to inform me of the infamous stories obscure origin, that I did not even know my that were raised at my expense. I heard own extraction. Though I expected all this them with great temper, and in my turn dismalice, I could not hear it with temper, es- closed every thing that had happened bepecially as truth was so blended with false- tween Melinda and me; and, among other hood in the assertion, that it would be al- circumstances, entertained him with the story most impossible to separate the one from the of the barber, letting him know what share other in my vindication. But I said nothing his friend Banter had in that affair. He was on this head, being impatient to know how convinced of the injury my reputation had Narcissa had been affected with the disco- suffered; and no longer doubting the fountain very. That generous creature, far from be- from whence this deluge of slander had lieving, these imputations, was no sooner flowed upon me, undertook to undeceive the withdrawn with her confidante, than she in- town in my behalf, and roll the stream back veighed with great warmth against the ma- upon its source; but, in the mean time, caulevolence of the world, to which only she tioned me from appearing in public while ascribed the whole of what had been said to the prepossession was so strong against me, my disadvantage; and calling every circum- lest I should meet with some affront that stance of my behaviour to her into review might have bad consequences. before her, found every thing so polite, honourable, and disinterested, that she could not harbour the least doubt of my being the CHAPTER LIX. gentleman I assumed. "I have indeed," said she, "purposely forbore to ask the par- I receive an extraordinary message at the ticulars of his life, lest the recapitulation of door of the long-room, which I however some misfortunes which he has undergone enter, and qffront the squire, who threatshould give him pain: and as to the article ens to take the law of me-rebuke Meof his fortune, I own myself equally afraid of linda for her malice-she weeps with inquiring into it, and of discovering the situ- vexation-Lord Quiverwit is severe upon ation of my own, lest we should find ourselves me-I retort his sarcasm-am received both unhappy in the explanation; for alas! with the utmost tenderness by Narcissa, my provision is conditional, and depends who desires to hear the story of my lifeentirely on my marrying with my brother's we vow eternal constancy to one anotherconsent. I retire-am waked by a messenger, who I was thunderstruck with this intelligence; brings me a challenge from Quiverwit, the light forsook my eyes, the colour van- whom I meet, engage, and vanquish. ished from my cheeks, and I remained in a state of universal trepidation. My female I THANKED him for his advice, which, howfriend, perceiving my disorder, encouraged ever, my pride and resentment would not me with assurances of Narcissa's constancy, permit me to follow; for he no sooner left and the hope of some accident favourable to me, in order to do justice to my character our love; and, as a farther consolation, gave among his friends and acquaintance, than I me to understand, that she had acquainted sallied out, and went directly to the longny mistress with the outlines of my life; room. I was met at the door by a servant, and, that, although she was no stranger to who presented to me a billet without a subthe present low state of my finances, her scription, importing that my presence was love and esteem were rather increased than disagreeable to the company, and desiring I diminished by the knowledge of my circum- would take the hint without further disturbstances. I was greatly comforted by this ance, and bestow myself elsewhere for the assurance, which saved me a world of con- future. This peremptory message filled me fusion and anxiety: for 1 must have imparted with indignation. I followed the fellow who my situation one day to Narcissa; and this delivered it, and seizing him by the collar, in task I could not have performed without presence of all the company, threatened to put shame and disorder. him instantly to death, if he did not discover As I did not doubt that, by this time, the the scoundrel who had charged him with scandalous aspersions of Melinda were dif- such an impudent commission, that I might fused all over the town, I resolved to collect punish him as he deserved. The messenger, iny whole strength of assurance, to browbeat affrighted at my menaces and furious looks, hie efforts of her malice, and to publish her fell upon his knees, and told me, that the ADVENTURES OF RODERICK RANDOM. 177 gentleman who ordered him to deliver the general sketches of my life by Miss Williams, letter was no other than Narcissa's brother, expressed a desire of knowing the particuwho, at that time, stood at the other end of lar circumstances, which I related with the room, talking to Melinda. I went up to great candour, omitting, however, some him immediately, and, in the hearing of his things, that I concluded altogether improper inamorata, accosted him in these words- for her ear, and which the reader's reflection "Look'ee, squire, was it not for one consi- will easily suggest. As my story was little deration that protects you from my resent- else than a recital of misfortunes, the tear of ment, I would cane you where you stand, sympathy ceased not to trickle down her for having had the presumption to send me enchanting eyes during the whole of the narthis scurrilous intimation;" which I tore to ration, which, when I had finished, she repieces, and threw in his face; at the same compensed me for my trouble with the most time darting an angry regard at his mistress, endearing protestations of eternal love. She I told her, I was sorry she had put it out of bewailed her restricted condition, as it was my power to compliment her upon her in- the means of retarding my happiness; told vention, but at the expense of her good me, that Lord Quiverwit, by her brother's nature and veracity. Her admirer, whose permission, had been to drink tea with her courage never rose but in proportion to the that very afternoon, and actually proposed wine he had swallowed, instead of resenting marriage; and seeing me extremely affected my address in what is called an honourable with this piece of information, offered to way, threatened to prosecute me for an as- give me a convincing proof of her affectionsi sault, and took witnesses accordingly; while by espousing me in private, and leaving the she, piqued at his pusillanimous behaviour, rest to fate. I was penetrated with this inand enraged at the sarcasm I had uttered stance of her regard, but that I might not be against her, endeavoured to make her quar- outdone in generosity, resisted the bewitchrel a public cause, and wept aloud with spite ing temptation, in consideration of her hoand vexation. The tears of a lady could not nour and interest; at the same time, I prefail of attracting the notice and concern of sented my ring as a pledge of my inviolable the spectators, to whom she complained of attachment, and on my knees implored my rudeness with great bitterness, saying, Heaven to shower its curses on my head, if if she was a man, I durst not use,her so. ever my heart should entertain one thought The greatest part of the gentlemen, already unworthy of the passion I then avowed. She prejudiced against me,:were offended at the received my token, gave me in return her liberty I had taken, as appeared from their picture in miniature, exquisitely drawn, and looks; though none of them signified their set in gold; and in the same posture called disgust any other way, except my Lord Qui- Heaven to witness and to judge her flame. verwit, who ventured to say, with a sneer, Our vows being thus reciprocally breathed, that I was in the right to establish my own a confidence of hope ensued, and our mucharacter, of which he had now no longer tual fondness becoming as intimate as innoany doubt. Nettled at this severe equivoque, cence would allow, I grew insensible of the which raised a laugh at my expense, I replied progress of time, and it was morning before with some warmth,-" I am proud of having I could tear myself from this darling of my in that particular got the start of your lord- soul. My good angel foresaw what would ship." He made no answer to my repartee, happen, and permitted me to indulge myself but, with a contemptuous smile, walked off, on this occasion, in consideration of the faleaving me in a very disagreeable situation. tal absence I was doomed to suffer. In vain did I make up to several people I went to bed immediately on my return of my acquaintance, whose conversation, I to my lodging, and having slept about two hoped, would banish my confusion; every hours, was awakened by Strap, who, in body shunned me like a person infected, and great confusion, told me there was a footI should not have been able to bear my dis- man below with a letter, which he would grace, had not the idea of the ever-faithful deliver to nobody but myself. Alarmed at and fond Narcissa come to my relief. I this piece of news, I desired my friend to quitted the scene of my mortification, and show him up to my chamber, and received sauntering about the town, happened to wake the following letter, which, he said, required from my contemplation, when I found myself an immediate answer. just opposite to a toy-shop, which I entered, " SIR, and purchased a ring set with a ruby in the "When any man injures my honour, let form of a heart, surrounded by diamond the difference of rank between us be ever sparks, for which I paid ten guineas, intend- so great, I am contented to wave the priviing it for a present to the charmer of my soul. ]ege of my quality, and to seek reparation I was introduced, at the hour appointed, from him on equal terms. The insolence of to this divine creature, who, notwithstanding your reply to me yesterday in the long-room what she had heard to my disadvantage, I might have overlooked, had not your prereceived me with the utmost confidence and sumptive emulation in a much more interesttenderness: and having been informed of the ing affair, and a discovery which I made this 4 Q* 178 SMOLLETT'S SELECT WORKS. morning, concurred in persuading me to chas- in my neck, which redoubled my rage. He tise your audacity with my sword. If you excelled me in temper as well as in skill, by therefore have spirit enough to support the which means he parried my thrusts with great character you assume, you will not fail to fol- calmness, until I had almost exhausted my low the bearer immediately to a convenient spirits; and when he perceived me beginning place, where you shall be met by to flag, attacked me fiercely in his turn. "QUIVERWIT." Finding himself however better opposed TWhether I was enervated by the love and than he expected, he resolved to follow his favour of Narcissa, or awed by the superior longe, and close with me; accordingly his station of my antagonist, I know not, but I sword entered my waistcoat, on the side of never had less inclination to fight than at the breast-bone, and running up between my this time: however, finding there was a ne- shirt and skin, appeared over my left shoul. cessity for vindicating the reputation of my der: I imagined that his weapon had perfomistress, as well as for asserting my own hon- rated my lungs, and of consequence that the our, I forthwith arose, and dressing in a hurry, wound was mortal; therefore, determined not put on my sword, bade Strap attend me, and to die unrevenged, I seized his shell, which set out with my conductor, cursing my bad was close to my breast, before he could disfortune all the way, for having been observed entangle his point, and keeping it fast with in my return from my angel: for so I inter- my left hand, shortened my own sword with preted his lordship's discovery. When I my right, intending to run him through the came within sight of my rival, his lacquey heart; but he received the thrust in the left told me he had orders to stop; upon which arm, which penetrated up to the shoulderI commanded Strap to halt also, while I blade. Disappointed in this expectation, walked forward, resolving, if possible, to and afraid still that death would frustrate come to an explanation with my challenger, my revenge, I grappled with him, and being before we should come to battle. Nor was much the stronger, threw him upon the an opportunity wanting; for I no sooner ap- ground, where I wrested his sword out of his proached, than he asked, with a stern coun- hand; and, so great was my confusion, intenance, what business I had in Mr Tope- stead of turning the point upon him, struck hall's garden so early in the morning? "I out three of his foreteeth with the hilt. In don't know, my lord," said I " how to answer the mean time our servants, seeing us fall, a question put to me with such magisterial ran up to separate and assist us; but, before haughtiness. If your lordship will please to their approach, I wasupon my feet, and had expostulate calmly, you will have no cause discovered that my supposed mortal wound to repent of your condescension; otherwise, was only a slight scratch. The knowledge I am not to be intimidated into any confess-'of my own safety disarmed me of a good deal ion." " There is no room for denial," an- of my resentment, and I began to inquire swered he;;' I saw you come out with my with some concern into the situation of my own eyes." "Did any other person see. antagonist, who remained on the ground me?" said I. " I neither know nor care," bleeding plentifully at his mouth and arm. said he, " I want no other evidence than I helped his footman to raise him, and having that of my own senses." Pleased to; hear bound up his wound with my handkerchief, that the suspicion was confined to him assured him it was not dangerous; I likealone, I endeavoured to appease his jealousy wise restored his sword, and offered to supby owning an intrigue with the waiting- port him to his house, *He thankedme with maid; but he had too much discernment to an air of sullen dignity; and whispering be so easily imposed upon, and told me there that I should hear from him soon, went was only one way to convince him of the away, leaning on his servant's shoulder. truth of what I alleged, which was no other I was surprised at this promise, which I than renouncing all claim to Narcissa upon construed into a threat, and resolved, if ever oath, and promising, upon honour,- never to he should call me out again, to use whatever speak to her for the future. Exasperated at advantage fortune might give me over him in this proposal, I unsheathed my sword, say- another manner. In the mean time I had ing, —" Heavens! what title have you, or leisure to take notice of Strap, who seemed any man on earth, to impose such terms upon quite stupified with horror: I comforted him ime?" He did the same, and making towards with an assurance that I had received no me with a contracted brow, said I was a damage, and explained the nature of this villain, andhad dishonouredNarcissa. "He's affair as we walked homeward. By the a scandalous villain," I replied, in a trans- time I had got into my apartment, I found the port of fury, " who brands me with that im- wound in my neck stiff and uneasy, and a putation! She is a thousand times more good deal of clotted blood run down upon chaste than the mother that bore you; and I my shirt: upon which I pulled off my coat will assert her honour with my heart's and waistcoat, and unbuttoned my collar, blood:" so saying, I rushed upon him with that I might dress it with more ease. My inore eagerness than address, and endeavour- friend no sooner perceived my'shirt quite Ing to get within his point, received a wound dyed with blood, than imagining I had got ADVENTURES OF RODERICK RANDOM. 179 at least twenty thousand wounds, he cried, offence his resentment might have prompted.-" 0 Jesus!" and fell flat on the floor. I him to commit.-,"I would willingly," said stopped the bleeding with a little dry lint, he, ":make you my friend; but as it is imand applying a plaster over it, cleansed my- possible for me to divest myself of my passion self from the gore, shifted and dressed, for Narcissa, I am too well convinced of while he lay senseless at my feet; so that your sentiments, to think we shall ever when he recovered, and saw me; perfectly agree on that subject.; I took the liberty, well, he could scarce believe his own eyes. therefore, of sending for you, inl order to own Now that the danger was past, I was very candidly, that I cannot help opposing your well pleased with what had happened, hoping success with that young lady; though, at the that it would soon become known, and con- same time, I promise to regulate my opposisequently dignify my character not a little tion by the dictates of justice and honour: in this place. I was also proud of having this, however, I think proper to advertise you shown myself, in some shape, worthy the love of, that she has no independent fortune, and of Narcissa, who, I was persuaded, would not if you should even succeed in your addresses, think the worse of me for what I had done. you would have the mortification to see her reduced to indigence, unless you have wherewithal to support her-and I am credibly CHAPTER LX. informed of your incapacity that way —nay, I will confess, that, urged by this consideraI am visited by Freeman, with whom I ap- tion, I have actually sent notice to her brother pear in public, and am caressed-am sent of the progress I suspect you have made in Jor by Lord Quiverwit, whose presence I her affection, and desired him to take his quit in a passion —Narcissa is carried precautions accordingly." Alarmed and proof by her brother-I intend to pursue voked at this information, I told his lordship, him, and am dissuaded by my friend- that I did not see how he could reconcile enegage in play, and lose all my money- that piece of conduct with his profession of set outfor London-try my fortune at the open dealing, and flung away from him in a gaming table without success-receive passion. a letter from Narcissa —bilk my tailor. As I walked homeward, in hope of hearing from my mistress as usual by means of Miss WHEN I entertained myself with these re- Williams, I was surprised by the waving of flections, the news of the duel being commu- a handkerchief from the window of a coach nicated by some unknown channel, spread and six that passed by me at fiull speed; and, all over the town. I was visited by Free- upon further observation, I saw a servant on man, who testified his surprise at finding me; horseback riding after it, who, I knew by his for he was told that, Lord Quiverwit being livery, belonged to the squire. Thunderdead of his wounds, I had absconded in order struck with this discovery, the knowledge of to avoid the cognizance of the law. I asked my misfortune rushed all at once upon my if people guessed the occasion of the quarrel: reflection. I guessed immediately that the and understanding it was attributed to his signal was made by the dear hand of Narlordship's resentment of my reply inthe long- cissa, who, being hurried away in conseroom, confirmed that conjecture, glad to find quence of Lord Quiverwit's message to her Narcissa unsuspected. My friend, after I brother, had no other method of relating had assured him that my antagonist was in her distress, and imploring my assistance. no danger, wished me joy.of the event, than Frantic with this conjecture, I ran to my which, he said, nothing could: happen more lodgings, snatched my pistols, and ordered opportunely to support the idea he had given Strap to get post-horses, with such incohe. of my character to his friends, among whom rence of speech and disorder, that the poor he had been very assiduous in my behalf. valet, terrified with the suspicion of another On the strength of this assurance, I went duel, instead of providing what I desired, with him to the coffee-house, where I was went forthwith to Freeman, who, being insaluted by a great many of those very persons formed of my behaviour, came straight to my who had shunned me the preceding day; and apartment, and conjured me so pathetically I found every body making merry with. the to make him acquainted with the cause of story of Melinda's French gallant. While I my uneasiness, that I could not refuse telling remained in this place; I received a message him my happiness was fled with Narcissa, from Lord Quiverwit, desiring, if I was not and that I must retrieve her, or perish. He engaged, to see me at his house. represented the madness of such an underThither I immediately repaired, and was taking, and endeavoured to divert me from it conducted to an apartment, where I was with great strength of friendship and reason. received by his lordship in bed. When we But all his arguments would have been inefwere left by ourselves, he thanked me, in fectual, had he not put me in mind of the very polite terms, for having used the advan- dependence I ought to have: on the love of tage fortune had given me over him with Narcissa, and the attachment of her maid, such moderation; and asked pardon for any who could not fail of finding opportunities to .80 SMOLLETT'S SELECT WORKS. advertise me of their situation; and at the certed my plan, and ventured my life in the same time demonstrated the injury my charm- execution, had I not been deterred by reflecer's reputation must suffer from my precipi- tion upon the infamy that attends detection. tate retreat. I was convinced and composed The apartment I formerly lived in being by these considerations: I appeared in public unengaged I took possession of it, and next with an air of tranquillity, was well received day: went in quest of Banter, who received by the best company in town, and, my mis- me with open arms, in expectation of having fortune taking air, condoled accordingly; his bond discharged to his liking; but when while 1 had the satisfaction of seeing Melinda he understood what had happened, his counso universally discountenanced, that she was tenance changed of a sudden; and he told fain to return to London, in order to avoid me, with a dryness of displeasure peculiar to the scoffs and censure of the ladies at Bath. himself, that, if he was in my place, he would But though the hope of hearing from the put it out of fortune's power to play him darling of my soul supported my spirits a such another trick, and be avenged of his little while, I began to be very uneasy, when, own indiscretion at once. When I desired at the end of several weeks, I found that him to explain his meaning, he pointed to expectation disappointed. In short, melan- his neck, raised himself on his tip-toes, and choly and despondence took possession of was going away without any further ceremy soul; and repining at that Providence, mony, when I put him in mind of my indiwhich, by acting the stepmother towards me, gence, and demanded the five guineas I kept me from the fruition of my wishes, I formerly lent him. " Five guineas!" cried determined, in a fit of despair, to risk all I he, " zounds! had you acted with common had at the gaming-table, with a view of ac- prudence, you might have had twenty thouquiring a fortune sufficient to render me sand in your pocket by this time. I depended independent for life, or of plunging myself upon five hundred from yau, as much as if I into such a state of misery as would effectu- had had notes for it in the bank; and by all ally crush every ambitious hope that now the rules of equity, you are indebted to me tortured my imagination. for that sum." I was neither pleased nor Actuated by this fatal resolution, I engaged convinced by this computation, and insisted in play, and after some turns of fortune, found on my right with such determined obstinacy, myself, at the end of three days, worth a that he was fain to alter his tone, and appease thousand pounds; but it was not my intention my clamour, by assuring me that he was not to stop here, for which cause I kept Strap master of five shillings. Society in distress ignorant of my success, and continued my generally promotes a good understanding career, until I was reduced to five guineas, among people; from being a dun, I descended which I would have hazarded also, had I not to be a client, and asked his advice about been ashamed to fall from a bet of two hun- repairing my losses. He counselled me to dred pounds to such a petty sum. have recourse again to the gaming-table, Having thus executed my scheme, I went where I succeeded so well before, and put home, amazed to find myself so much at ease, myself in a condition by selling my watch. and informed my friend Strap of my mis- I followed his directions, and having accomchance, with such calmness, that he, ima- modated him with a few pieces, went to the gining I joked, affected to receive the tidings place, where' I lost every shilling. with great equanimity. Both he and I found Then I returned to my lodgings full of ourselves mistaken very soon. I had misin- desperate resolution, and having made Strap terpreted my own stupidity into deliberate acquainted with my fate, ordered him to resignation; and he had reason to believe me pawn my sword immediately, that I might in earnest, when he saw me next morning be enabled to make another effort. This agitated with the most violent despair, which affectionate creature, no sooner understood he endeavoured to alleviate with all the con- my purpose, than, seized with inexpressible solation in his power. sorrow at the prospect of my misery, he In one of my lucid intervals, however, I burst into tears, and asked what I proposed charged him to take a place in the stage- to do, after the small sum he could raise on coach for London, and in the mean time paid the sword should be spent? "On my own my debts in Bath, which amounted to thirty account," said he, " I am quite unconcerned; shillings only. Without taking leave of my for, while God spares my health and these friends, I embarked, Strap having the good ten fingers, I can earn a comfortable subsistfortune to find'a return-horse, and arrived in ence anywhere; but what must become of town, without having met with any thing you, who have less humility to stoop, and remarkable on the road. While we crossed more appetites to gratify?" Here I interBagshot-heath, I was'seized with a sort of rupted him, by saying, with a gloomy aspect, inclination to retrieve my fortune, by laying I should never want a resource while I had a passengers under contribution in some such loaded pistol in possession. Stupified with place. My thoughts were so circumstanced horror at this dreadful insinuation, he stood at this time, that I should have digested the mute for some time, and then broke out into, Vcime of robbery, so righteously had I con- — " God of his infinite mercy enable you ADVENTURES OF RODERICK RANDOM. 181 to withstand that temptation of the devil! imagined, that, if I could contrive means of Consider your immortal soul-there is no subsisting until my uncle should arrive, in repentance in the grave. O Lord! that ever case he was not already at home, he would we should come to this-are we not enjoined enable me to do something effectual in beto resign ourselves to the will of Heaven? — half of my love and fortune. I therefore where is your patience? Durum patientia consulted Banter about a present supply, frango-you are but a young man —there who no sooner understood that I had credit may be many good things in store for you — with a tailor, than he advised me to take off Accidit in puncto, quod non speratur in two or three suits of rich clothes, and convert anno-remember your uncle, Mr Bowling; them into cash, by selling them at half price perhaps he is now on his voyage homeward, to a salesman in Monmouth street. I was pleasing himself with the hopes of seeing startled at this proposal, which I thought and relieving you; nay, peradventure he is savoured a little of fraud; but he rendered it already arrived, for the ship was expected palatable, by observing, that in a few months about this time." A ray of hope shot athwart I might be in a condition to do every body my soul at this suggestion; I thanked my justice; and, in the mean time, I was acfriend for his seasonable recollection, and, quitted by the honesty of my intention. I after having promised to take no resolution suffered myself to be persuaded by his salvo, till his return, dismissed him to Wapping for by which my necessity, rather than my judgintelligence. ment, was convinced; and when I found In his absence I was visited by Banter, there were no accounts of the ship in which who being informed of my bad luck at play, my uncle embarked, actually put the scheme told me, that fortune would probably be one in practice, and raised by it five and twenty day weary of persecuting me. "In the guineas, paying him for his advice with the mean time," said he, "here is a letter for odd five. you, which I received just now inclosed in one from Freeman." I snatched it with eagerness, and knowing the superscription CHAPTER LXI. to be of Narcissa's hand-writing, kissed it with transport, and having opened it, read:- I am arrested-carried to the ll1arshalsea" It is with great difficulty that I have find my old acquaintance Beau Jackson stolen from the observation of those spies in that jail-he informs me of his advenwho are set over me, this opportunity of tell- tures-Strap arrives, and with difficulty ing you, that I was suddenly carried away is comforted-Jackson introduces me to from Bath by my brother, who was informed a poet-I admire his conversation and of our correspondence by Lord Quiverwit, capacity-am deeply affected with my whom, I since understand, you have wounded misfortune-Strap hires himself as a in a duel on my account. As I am fully journeyman barber. convinced of your honour and love, I hope I shall never hear of such desperate piroofs of BUT this expedient was in a few weeks ateither for the future. I am so strictly tended with a consequence I did not foresee; watched, that it will be impossible for you a player having purchased one of the suits to see me, until my brother's suspicions shall which were exposed to sale, appeared in it abate, or heaven contrive some other unfore- on the stage one night, while my tailor unseen event in our behalf. In the mean time fortunately happened to be present. He you may depend on the constancy and affec- knew it immediately, and inquiring minutely tion of your own into the affair, discovered my whole contriv"NARCISSA. ance; upon which he came to my lodgings, "P. S. Miss Williams, who is my fellow- and telling me that he was very much straitprisoner, desires to be remembered to you. ened for want of money, presented his bill, We are both in good health, and only in which amounted to ~50. Surprised at this pain for you, especially as it will be imprac- unexpected address, I affected to treat him ticable for you to convey any message or cavalierly, swore some oaths, asked if he letter to the place of our confinement; for doubted my honour, and, telling him I should which reason, pray desist from any attempt, take care whom I dealt with fobr the future, that, by miscarrying, might prolong our bade him come again in three days. He captivity. obeyed me punctually, demanded his money, "N..." and finding himself amused with bare proThis kind letter afforded me great conso- mises, arrested me that very day in the street. lation: I communicated it to Banter, and at I was not much shocked at this adventure, the same time showed him her picture: he which, indeed, put an end to a state of hor approved of her beauty and good sense, and rible expectation; but I refused to go to a could not help owning, that my neglect of spunging-house, where I heard there was Miss Snapper was excusable, when such a nothing but the most flagrant imposition, fine creature engrossed my attention. and a coach being called, was carried to the I began to be reconciled to my fate, and Marshalsea, attended by a bailiff and his fol. 61 182 SMOLLETT'S SELECT WORKS. lower, who were very much disappointed and before I was arrested for a debt of her's, chagrined at my resolution. amounting to ~20, and brought to this place% The turnkey, guessing frommy appearance where I have been fixed by another actiaon that I had money in my pocket, received me since that time. However, you know any with the repetition of the Latin word depone, disposition; I defy care and anxiety; crnd and gave me to understand that I must pay being on the half-pay list, make shift to bye before-hand for the apartment I should here tolerably easy." I congratulated hkim choose to dwell in. I desired to see his on his philosophy, and remembering that I conveniences, and hired a small paltry bed- was in his debt, repaid the' money he forchamber for a crown a week, which,.in any merly lent me, which, I believe, was far other place, would have let for half the from being unseasonable. I then inquired money. Having taken possession of this about. the economy of the place, which he dismal habitation, I sent for Strap, and my explained to my satisfaction: and after we thoughts were busied in collecting matter of had agreed to mess together, he was just consolation to that. faithful squire, when going to give orders for dinner, when Strap somebody knocked at my door, which I no arrived. sooner opened, than a young fellow entered, I never in my life saw sorrow so extravain very shabby clothes, and marvellous foul gantly expressed in any countenance as in linen. After a low bow, he called me by my that of my honest friend, which was, indeed, name, and asked if I had forgot him. His particularly adapted by nature for such imvoice assisted me in recollecting his person, pressions.:When we were left by ourselves, whom I soon recognized to be my old ac- I communicated to him my disaster, and enquaintance Jackson, of whom mention is deavoured to console him with the same made in the first part of my memoirs. I arguments he had formerly used to me, withal saluted him cordially, expressed my satisfac- representing the fair chance I had of being tion at finding him alive, and condoled him relieved in a short time by Mr Bowling. But on his present situation, which, however, did his grief was unutterable; he seemed to give not seem to affect him much, for he laughed attention without listening, and wrung his very heartily at the occasion of our meeting hands in silence; so that I was in a fair way so unexpectedly in this place. Our mutual of being infected by his behaviour, when compliments being past, I inquired about his Jackson returned, and perceiving the deferamour with the lady of fortune, which seemed ence I paid to Strap, although in a footman's to be so near a happy conclusion when I habit, distributed his crumbs of comfort with had the pleasure of seeing him last; and, such mirth, jollity, and unconcern, that the after an immoderate fit of laughter, he gave features of the distressed squire relaxed by me to understand, that he had been most degrees; he recovered the use of speech, and egregiously bit in that affair. " You must began to be a little more reconciled to this know," said he, "that a few days after our lamentable event. We dined together on adventure with the bawd and her b-ches, I boiled beef and greens, brought from a cook's found means to be married to that same fine shop in the neighbourhood; and although lady you speak of, and passed the night with this meal was served up in a manner little her at her lodgings, so much to her satisfac- corresponding with the sphere of life in tion, that early in the morning, after a good which I had lately lived, I made a virtue of deal of snivelling and sobbing, she owned, necessity, ate with good appetite, and treated that far from being an heiress of great for. my friends with a bottle of wine, which had tune, she was no other than a common the desired effect, of increasing the good woman of the town, who had decoyed me humour of my fellow-prisoner, and exhilaratinto matrimony, in order to enjoy the privi- ing the spirits of Strap, who now talked cava. lege of a femme couverte; and that unless I lierly of my misfortune. made my escape immediately, I should be After dinner, Jackson left us to our priarrested for a debt of her contracting, by vate affairs; when I desired my friend to bailiffs employed and instructed for that pack up all our things and carry them to some purpose. Startled at this intimation, I rose cheap lodging he should choose for himself in a twinkling, and taking leave of my spouse in the neighbourhood of the Marshalsea, after with several hearty damns, got safe into the he had discharged my lodging, for which verge of the court, where I kept snug until purpose I gave him money. I likewise reI was appointed surgeon's mate of a man of commended to him the keeping my misforwar at Portsmouth; for which place I set tune secret, and saying to my landlord, or out on Sunday, went on board of my ship, any other who should inquire for me, that I in which I sailed to the Straits, where I had was gone into the country for a few weeks; the good fortune to be made surgeon of a at the same time I laid strong injunctions sloop that came home a few months after, upon him to call every second day upon Banand was put out of commission; whereupon ter, in case he should receive any letter for I came to London, imagining myself forgot- me from Narcissa, by the channel of Freeten, and freed from my wife and her credi- man; and by all: means to leave a direction tors; hut had not been in town a week for himself, at my uncle's lodgings in Wap ADVENTURES OF RODERICK RANDOM. 183 ping, by which I might be found when my my -inclination: he promised to brine his kinsman should arrive. tragedy to my room next dav, and, in the'"hen he departed to execute these orders mean time, entertained me with some de(which, by the by, were punctually performed tached pieces, which gave me a very advanthat very night), I found myself so little tageous idea of his poetical talent. Among seasoned to my situation, that I dreaded re- other things, I was particularly pleased with filection, and sought shelter from it in the some elegies in imitation of Tibullus; one of company of the beau, who, promising to which I begleave to submit to the reader, as regale me with- a lecture upon taste, con- a specimen of his complexion and capacity. ducted me to the common side, where I saw a number of naked miserable wretches assembled together. We had not been here Where now are all my fattering dreams ofj o? many minutes, when a figure appeared, Monimia, give my soul her wonted rest;wrapt in a dirty rug, tied about his loins with Since first thy beauty fixed my roving eye, two pieces of list, of different colours, knotted Heart-gnawing cares corrode my pensive breast together, having a black bushy beard, and II. his head covered with a huge mass of brown Let happy lovers fly where pleasures call, periwig, which seemed to have been ravished With festive songs beguile the fleeting hour; from the head of some scarecrow. This ap- Lead beauty through the mazes of the ball, parition stalking in with great solemnity, Or press her wanton in love's roseate bower. made a profound bow to the audience, who III. signified their approbation by a general re- For me, no more I'll range the empurpled sponse of —"how d'ye do, doctor " He mead, then turned towards us, and honoured Jackthen turned towards us, and honoured Jack- Where shepherds pipe, and virgins dance around; son with a particular salutation: upon which Nor wander throu Nor wander through the woodbine's fia-rant my fiiend, in a formal manner, introduced shade, him to me by the name of Mr Melopoyn. To hear the music of the grove resound. This ceremony being over, he advanced into the middle of the congregation, which crowd- Iv. ed around him, and hemming three times, to I'll seek some lonely church, or dreary hall, my utter astonishment pronounced, with W;Vhere fancy paints the glimmering taper blue, great significance of voice and gesture, a Where damps han moutldering ol the ivy'd very elegant and ingenious discourse upon, the difference between genius and taste, And sheeted ghosts drink up the midnight dew. illustrating his assertions with apt quotations v. from the best authors, ancient as well as There, leagued with hopeless anguish and demodern. When he had finished his harangue, spair, which lasted a full hour, he bowed again to A while in silence o'er my fate repine; the spectators, not one of whom (I was in- Then, with a long farevwell to love an(l care, formed) understood so much as a sentence To kindred dust my weary limbs consign. of what he had uttered. They manifested, v1. however, their admiration and esteem, by a Wilt thou, Monimia, shed a gracious tear voluntary contribution, which, Jackson told On the cold grave where all my sorrows rest? me, one week with another, amounted to Strew vernal flowers, applaud my love sincere, eighteen pence. This moderate stipend, to- And bid the turf lie easy on my breast? gether with some small presents that he received for making up differences, and deciding I was wonderfully affected with this pacauses among the prisoners, just enabled him thetic complaint, which seemed so well calto breathe and walk about in the grotesque culated for my own disappointment in love, figure I have described. I understood also that I could not help attaching the idea of that he was an excellent poet, and had com- Narcissa to the name of Monimia, and of posed a tragedy, which was allowed by every forming such melancholy presages of my body who had seen it to be a performance of passion, that I could not recover my trangreat merit; that his learning was infinite, quillity, and was fain to have recourse to his morals unexceptionable, and his modesty the bottle, which prepared me for a profound invincible. Such a character could not fail sleep, that I could not otherwise have en of attracting my regard; I longed impatiently joyed. Whether these impressions invited to be acquainted with him, and desired Jack- and introduced a train of other melancholy son would engage him to spend the evening reflections, or my fortitude was all exhausted in my apartment. My requestwasgranted; in the effort I made against despondence he favoured us with his company; and in the during the first day of my imprisonment, I course of our conversation, perceiving that I cannot determine; but I awoke in the horhad a qtrong passion for the belles lettres, rors, and found my imagination haunted acquitted himself so well on that subject, with such dismal apparitions, that I was that I expressed a fervent desire of seeing his ready to despair;-and I believe the reader productions. In this point too he gratified will own I had no great cause to congratu 184 SMOLLETT'S SELECT WORKS. late myself, when I considered my situation. I perceived by his countenance that his heart Iwas interrupted in the midst of these gloomy was big with gratitude, and endeavoured to apprehensions by the arrival of Strap, who prevent his acknowledgements, by asking contributed not a little to the re-establish- pardon for the liberty I had taken: he made ment of my peace, by letting me know that no reply, but, with an aspect full of admiration he had hired himself as a journeyman barber; and esteem, bowed to the ground, while the by which mean's he would be able not only tears gushed from his eyes. Affected witb to save me a considerable expense, but even these symptoms of an ingenuous mind, I shift make a shift to lay up something for my sub- ed the conversation, and complimented him sistence after my money should be spent, in on his performance, which, I assured him, af. case I should not be relieved before. forded me infinite pleasure. My approbation made him happy. Dinner being served, and Jackson arrived, I begged their permission CHAPTER LXII. for Strap to sit at table with us, after having informed them that he was a person to whom I read Melopoyn's tragedy, and conceive a I was extremely obliged: they were kind vast opinion of his genius-he recounts enough to grant that favour, and we ate tohis adventures. gether with great harmony and satisfaction. Our meal being ended, I expressed my WHILE we ate our breakfast together, I wonder at the little regard Mr Melopoyn made him acquainted with the character and had met with from the world; and signified condition of the poet, who came in with his a desire of hearing how he had been treated play at that instant, and, imagining we were by the managers of the playhouses, to whom engaged about business, could not be pre- I understood from Jackson he had offered his vailed upon to sit, but, leaving his perform. tragedy without success. " There is so litance, went away. My friend's tender heart tle entertaining in the incidents of my life," was melted at the sight of a gentleman and said he, " that I am sure the recital will not Christian (for he had a great veneration for recompence your attention; but, since you both these epithets) in such misery, and as- discover an inclination to know them, I unsented with great cheerfulness to a proposal derstand my duty too well to disappoint your I made of clothing him with our superfluities; desire. a task with which he charged himself, and " My father, who was a curate in the coun. departed immediately to perform it. try, being, by the narrowness of his circumHe was no sooner gone, than I locked my stances, hindered from maintaining me at the door, and sat down to the tragedy, which I university, took the charge of my education read to the end with vast pleasure, not a lit- upon himself, and laboured with such industle amazed at the conduct of the managers try and concern in the undertaking, that I who had rejected it. The fable, in my opin- had little cause to regret the want of public ion, was well chosen, and naturally conduc- masters. Being at great pains to consult ted; the incidents interesting; the characters my natural bias, he discovered in me betimes beautifillly contrasted, strongly marked, and an inclination for poetry; upon which he well supported; the diction poetical, spirited, recommended me to an intimate acquainand correct; the unities of the drama main- tance with the classics, in the cultivation of tained with the most scrupulous exactness; which he assisted me with paternal zeal and the opening gradual and engaging; the peri- uncommon erudition. When he thought peteia surprising and the catastrophe affect- me sufficiently acquainted with the ancients, ing; in short, I judged it by the laws of he directed my studies to the best modern Aristotle and Horace, and could find nothing authors, French and Italian, as well as Erlin it exceptionable, but a little too much em- glish, and laid a particular injunction upon bellishment in some few places; which ob- me to make myself master of my mother jection he removed to my satisfaction, by a tongue. quotation from Aristotle's Poetics, importing, "About the age of eighteen, I grew amthat the least interesting parts of a poem bitious of undertaking a work of some conought to be raised and dignified by the sequence; and, with my father's approbation, charms and energy of diction. actually planned the tragedy you have read; I revered his genius, and was seized with but, before I had finished four acts, that inan eager curiosity to know the particular dulged parent died, and left my mother and events of a fortune so unworthy of lhis merit. me in very indigent circumstances. A near At this instant Strap returned with a bundle relation, compassionating our distress, took of clothes, which I sent with my compliments us into his family, where I brought my fable to Mr Melopoyn, as a small token of my re- to a conclusion; and soon after that period gard, and desired the favour of his company my mother quitted this life. When my to dinner. He accepted my present and in- sorrow for this melancholy event had sub. vitation, and in less than half an hour made sided, I told my kinsman, who was a farmer, his appearance in a decent dress, which al- that, having paid my last duty to my parent, tered his figure very much to his advantage. 1 had now no attachment to detain me in the ADVENTURES OF RODERICK RANDOM. 185 country, and therefore was resolved to set work of iron. Through this a servant, havout for London, and offer my play to the ing viewed me for some time, demanded to stage, where I did not doubt of acquiring a know my business. I told him my business large share of fame as well as fortune; in was with Mr Supple, and that I came from which case I should not be unmindful of my Mr O'Varnish. He examined my appearfriends and benefactors. My cousin was ance once more, then went away, returned ravished with the prospect of my felicity, in a few minutes, and said his master was and willingly contributed towards the ex- busy, and could not be seen. Although I pense of fitting me out for my expedition. was a little mortified at my disappointment, " Accordingly I took a place in the wag- I was persuaded that my reception was owing on, and arrived in town, where I hired an to Mr Supple's ignorance of my errand; apartment in a garret, willing to live as and, that I might meet with no more obstrucfrugal as possible, until I should know what tions of the same kind, I desired Mr O'VarI had to expect from the manager, to whom nish to be myintroductor the next time. He I intended to offer my play. For, though I complied with my request, and obtained imlooked upon myself as perfectly secure of a mediate admittance to the manager, who good reception, imagining that a patentee received me with the utmost civility, and would be as eager to receive as I to present promised to read my play with the first conmy production, I did not know whether or venience. By his own appointment I called not he might be pre-engaged in favour of again in a fortnight, but he was gone out; I another author; a circumstance that would returned in a week after, and the poor gencertainly retard my success. On this con- tleman was extremely ill; I renewed my sideration, too, I determined to be speedy in visit in a fortnight after that, and he assured my application, and even to wait upon one of me he had been so much fatigued with busithe managers the very next day. For this ness, that he had not been able as yet to read purpose, I inquired of my landlord if he knew it to an end, but he would take the first opporwhere either or both of them lived; and he tunity; and, in the mean time, observed, being curious to know my business, and at that what he had just seen of it was very enthe same time appearing to be a very honest tertaining. I comforted myself with this friendly man (a tallow-chandler), I made declaration a few weeks longer, at the end him acquainted with my design; upon which of which I appeared again before his wicket, he told me that I went the wrong way to was let in, and found him laid up with the work; that I would not find such easy ac- gout. I no sooner entered his chamber, than, cess to a manager as I imagined; and that, looking at me with a languishing eye, he if I delivered my performance without proper said,-" Mr Melopoyn, I'm heartily sorry for recommendation, it would be as one to a an accident that has happened during my illthousand if ever it should be minded. "Take: ness. You must know, that my eldest boy, my advice," said he, " and your business is finding your manuscript upon the table in done. One of the patentees is a good cath- the dining-room, where I used to read it, carolic, as I am, and uses the same father who ried it into the kitchen, and leaving it there, a confesses me. I will make you acquainted negligent wench of a cook-maid, mistaking with this good priest, who is an excellent it for waste paper, has expended it all but a scholar; and if he should approve of your few leaves in singing fowls upon the spit. play, his recommendation will go a great But I hope the misfortune is not irreparable, way in determining Mr Supple to bring it on since, no doubt, you have several copies." the stage." I applauded his expedient, and "I protest to you, my good friend, Mr was introduced to the friar; who, having Random, I was extremely shocked at this perused the tragedy, was pleased to signify information; but the good-natured gentlehis approbation, and commended me in par- man seemed to be so much affected with my ticular for having avoided all reflections misfortune, that I suppressed my concern, upon religion. He promised to use all his and told him, that although I had no other influence with his son Supple in my behalf, copy, I should be able to retrieve the loss and to inform himself that very day at what by writing another from my memory, which time it would be proper for me to wait upon was very tenacious. You cannot imagine him with the piece. He was punctual in per- how well pleased Mr Supple was at this asforming his engagement; and next morning surance; he begged I would set about it imgave me to understand that he had mentioned mediately, and carefully revolve and recollect my affair to the manager, and that I had no every circumstance, before I pretended to more to do than to go to his house any time commit it to paper, that it might be the same in the forenoon, and make use of his name, individual play that he had perused. Encouupon which I should find immediate admit- raged by this injunction, which plainly detance. I took his advice, put my perform- monstrated how much he interested himself ance in my bosom, and having received di- in the affair, I tasked my remembrance and rectlons, went immediately to the house of industry, and in three weeks produced the Mr Supple, and knocked at the door, which exact image of the former, which was conhad a wicket in the middle, faced with a net- veyed to him by my good friend Father 4 R*' 61* ,si8 ~ SMOLLETT'S SELECT WORKS. O'Varnish, who told me the next day that to a bookseller for a pretty sum of ready Mr Supple would revise it superficially, in money, and perhaps establish my own order to judge of its sameness with the other, character into the bargain. This event and then give his final answer. For thisex- would infallibly procure friends, and my amination I allotted a week; and, in full tragedy would appear next season to the confidence of seeing it acted in a little while, best advantage, by being supported both by demanded an audience of the manager, when interest and reputation. I was charmed that term was expired. But, alas! the sea- with this prospect; and having heard what son had slipped away insensibly; he con- friends Mr Pope acquired by his pastorals, viaced me, that, if my play had been put into set about a work of that kind, and in less rehearsal at that time, it could not have been than six weeks composed as many eclogues, ready for performing until the end of March, which I forthwith offered to an eminent when the benefit nights came on; conse- bookseller, who desired me to leave them for quently it would have interfered with the his perusal, and he would give me an aninterest of the players, whom it was not my swer in two days. At the end of that business to disoblige. time I went to him, when he returned the I was fain to acquiesce in these reasons, poems, telling me they would not answer his which, to be sure, were extremely just, and purpose, and sweetened his refusal by saying to reserve my performance for the next sea- there were some good clever lines in them. son, when he hoped I would not be so un- Not a little dejected at this rebuff, which, lucky; although it was agrievous disappoint- I learned from Mr O'Varnish, was owing ment to me, who by this time began to want to the opinion of another author, whom this both money and necessaries, having, on the bookseller always consulted on these occastrength of my expectation from the theatre, sions, I applied to another person of the lauiched out into some extravagances, by same profession, who told me, the town which the sum I brought to town was already was cloyed with pastorals, and advised me, almost consumed. Indeed, I ought to be if I intended to profit by my talents, to ashamed at the circumstance of my conduct, write something satirical or luscious, such for my finances were sufficient, with good as the Button Hole, Shockey and Towzer, economy, to have maintained me comfort- the Leaky Vessel, cdc.-and yet this was a'ably a whole year. You will perhaps be man in years, who wore a reverend periamazed when I tell you, that in six months wirg, looked like a senator, and went reguI expended not a farthing less than ten ]arly to church. Be that as it will, I scorned guineas; but when one considers the temp- to prostitute my pen in the manner he protations to which a young man is exposed in posed, and carried my papers to a third, this great city, especially if he is addicted to who assured mne, that poetry was entirely pleasure, as I am, the wonder will vanish, or out of his way; and asked if I had got never at least abate. Nor was the cause of my a piece of secret history, thrown into a seconcern limited to my own situation entirely; ries of letters, or a volume of adventures, I had written an account of my good reception such as those of Robinson Crusoe and to my kinsman the farmer, and desired him Colonel Jack, or a collection of conundrums, to depend upon me for the money he had wherewith to entertain the plantations? kindly accommodated me with about the end Being quite unfurnished for this dealer, I of February; which promise I now found had recourse to another with as little sucmyself unable to perform. However, there cess; and I verily believe was rejected by'was no remedy but patience; I applied to the whole trade. my landlord, who was a very good-natured " I was afterwards persuaded to offer myman, candidly owned my distress, and begged self as a translator, and accordingly repaired his advice in laying down some plan for my to a person, who was said to entertain numsubsistence. He readily promised to con- hbers of that class in his pay. He assured sult his confessor on this subject, and told me he had already a great deal of that work mne I was welcome, in the mean time, to on his hands, which he did not know what to lodge and board with him, until fortune do with; observed that translation was a should put it in my power to make resti- mere drug, that branch of literature being tution. overstocked with an inundation of authors "M'i Ar O'Varnish being informed of my from North Briton; and asked what I would necessity, offered to introduce me to the expect per sheet for rendering the Latin author of a weekly paper, who, he did not classics into English? —That I might not doubt, would employ me in that way, pro- make myself too cheap, I determined to set vided he should find me duly qualified; but, a high price upon my qualifications, and deupon inquiry, I understood that this journal manded half a guinea for every translated was calculated to foment divisions in the sheet. "Half a guinea!" cried he, staring commonwealth, and therefore I desired to at me, then paused a little, and said, he had be excused from engaging in it. He then no occasion for my service at present. I proposed that I should write something in found my error, and, resolving to make the poetical way, which I might dispose of amends, fell one half in my demand; upon ADVENTURES OF RODERICK RANDOM. 187 which he stared at me again, and told me empty praise (you know, my dear friend) will his hands were full. I attempted others, not supply the cravings of nature. I found without finding employment, and- was actu- myself in danger of starving in the midst of ally reduced to a very uncomfortable pros- all my fame; for of ten songs I composed, it pect, when I bethought myself of offering my was well if two had the good fortune to talents to the printers of halfpenny ballads, please. Forthis reason I turned my thoughts and other such occasional essays as are to prose, and, during a track of gloomy hawked about the streets. With this view, weather, published an apparition, on the I applied to one of the most noted and voci- substance of which I subsisted very comfortferous of this tribe, who directed me to a ably a whole month: I have made many a person whom I found entertaining a whole good meal upon a monster; a rape has often crowd of them with gin, bread and cheese. afforded me great satisfaction; but a murder, He carried me into a little back parlour, very well timed, was my never-failing resource. neatly furnished, where I signified my desire What then? I was a most miserable slave of being enrolled among his writers: and to my employers, who expected to be furwas asked what kind of composition I pro- nished at a minute's warning with prose and fessed. Understanding that my inclination verse, just as they thought the circumstances leaned towards poetry, he expressed his of the times required, whether the inclinasatisfaction, telling me one of his poets had tion was absent or present. Upon my sinlost his senses, and was confined in bedlam, cerity, Mr Random, I have been so much and the other was become dosed with drink- pestered and besieged by those children of ing drams; so that he had not done any clamour, that life became a burden to me. thing tolerable these many weeks. When I proposed that we should enter into terms of agreement, he gave me to understand, that CHAPTER LXIII. his bargains were always conditional, and his authors paid in proportion to the sale of The continuation and conclusion of Mr their works. lVelopoyn's story. H' Having therefore settled these conditions, which (I do assure you) were not very ad- "I MADE shift, notwithstanding, to main. vantageous to me, he assigned me a subject tain myself till the beginning of next winter, for a ballad, which was to be finished in two when I renewed my addresses to my friend hours; and I retired to my garret in order to Mr Supple, and was most graciously received. perform his injunction. As the theme hap-' I have been thinking of your affair, Mr Mepened to suit my fancy, I completed a pretty lopoyn,' said he,' and am determined to show sort of an ode within the time prescribed, how far I have your interest at heart, by inand brought it to him, big with hope of profit troducing you to a young nobleman of any and applause. He read it in a twinkling, acquaintance, who is remarkable for his fine and, to my utter astonishment, told: me, it taste in dramatic writings, and is, besides, a would not do, though indeed he owned I man of such influence, that, if once he should wrote a good hand, and spelled very well, approve of your play, his patronage will supbut my language was too high flown, and of port it against all the efforts of envy and igconsequence not at all adapted to the capa- norance: for I do assure you, that merit city and taste of his customers. I promised alone will not bring success. I have already to rectify that mistake, and in half an hour spoke of your performance to Lord Rattle, humbled my style to the comprehension of and if you will call at my house in a day or vulgar readers: he approved of the alteration, two, you shall have a letter of introduction and gave me some hopes of succeeding in to his lordship.' I was sensibly touched time, though he observed, that my perform- with this mark of Mr Supple's friendship, ance was very deficient in the quaintness of and looking upon my affair as already done, expression that pleases the multitude; how- went home and imparted my good fortune to ever, to encourage me, he ventured the my landlord, who, to render my appearance expense of printing and paper, and, if I re- more acceptable to my patron, procured a member aright, my share of the sale amount- suit of new clothes for me on his own credit. ed to fourpence halfpenny. "Not to trouble you w' h idle particulars, "From that day I studied the Grub-street I carried my tragedy to his lordship's lodgmanner with great diligence, and at length ings, and sent it up, along with Mr Supple's became such a proficient, that my works letter, by one of his servants, who desired were in great request among the most polite me, by his lord's order, to return in a week. of the chairmen, draymen, hackney coach- I did so, and was admitted to his lordship, men, footmen, and servant maids: nay, I who received me very courteously, told me have enjoyed the pleasure of seeing my pro- he had perused my play, which he thought, ductions, adorned with cuts, pasted upon the on the whole, was the best coup d'essai he wall as ornaments in beer cellars and cob- had ever seen; but that he had marked some blers' stalls, and have actually heard them places in the margin, which he imagined sung in clubs of substantial tradesmen. But might be altered for the better. I was trans .88 SMOLLETT'S SELECT WORKS. ported with this reception, and promised cused Mr Brayer, on account of the multi(with many acknowledgements of his lord- plicity of business in which he was involved, ship's generosity), to be governed solely by and bade me beware of teasing the patentee. his advice and direction.' Well, then,' said I treasured this caution, and exerted my pahe,' write another fair copy with the altera- tience'three weeks longer; at the end of tions I have proposed, and bring it to me as which his lordship gave me to understand soon as possible.; for I am resolved to have that Mr Brayer had read my play, and owned it brought on the stage this winter.' You- it had indubitable merit; but as he had long may be sure I set about this task with alac- been pre-engaged to another author, he could rity; and although I:found his lordship's: not possibly represent it that season; thoughh, remarks much more numerous, and of less if I would reserve it for the next, and, in the importance, than I expected, I thought it was -interim, make such alterations as he had pronot my interest to dispute upon trifles with: posed by observations on the margin, I might my patron; therefore new modelled it, ac-'depend upon his compliance. cording to his desire, in less:than a rmonth. Thunderstruck at this disappointment, I "When I waited upon him with the mana- could not, for some minutes, utter one syllascript, I found one of the actors at breakfast ble. At length, however, I complained bitwith his lordship, who immediately intro:- terly of the manager's insincerity in amusing duced him to my acquaintance, and desired me so long, when he knew from the beginhim to read a scene of my play. This task ning that he could not gratify my desire. he performed very much to my satisfaction, But his lordship reprimanded me for my with regard to emphasis and pronunciation; freedom, said Mr Brayer was a man of hobut he signified his disgust at several words nour, and imputed his behaviour with respect in every page, which I presuming to defend, to me'to nothing else but forgetfulness. And Lord Rattle told me, with a peremptory look, indeed I have had some reason, since that I must not pretend to dispute with him, who time, to be convinced of his bad memory; had been a player these twenty years, and for, in spite of appearances, I will not allow understood the economy of the stage better myself to interpret his conduct in any other than any man living. I was forced to submit, way. Lord Rattle, observing me very much and his lordship proposed the same'actor affected with my disappointment, offered his should read the whole play in the evening, interest to bring on my play at the other before some gentlemen of his acquaintance, house, which I eagerly accepting, he forthwhom he would convene at his lodgings for with wrote a letter of recommendation to Mr that purpose. Bellower, actor, and prime minister to Mr "I was present at the reading; and I pro- Vandal, proprietor of that theatre, and detest to you, my dear friend, I never under- sired me to deliver it with my tragedy withwetit such a severe trial in the whole course out loss of time. Accordingly I hastened to of my life as at that juncture; for although his house, where, after having waited a whole the player might be a very honest man, and hour in a lobby, I was admitted to his prea good performer, he was excessively illite- sence, and my performance received with rate and assuming, and made a thousand great state. He told me he was extremely frivolous objections, which I was not per- busy at present, but he would peruse it as ritted to answer: however, the piece was soon as possible, and bade me call again in very much applauded on the whole; the a week. I took my leave, not a little gentlemen present, who, I understood, were astonished at the port and supercilious bemen of fortune, promised to countenance haviour of this stage-player, who had not and support it as much as they could; and treated me with good manners; and began Lord Rattle assuring me that he would act to think the dignity of a poet greatly imthe part of a careful nurse to it, desired me paired since the days of Euripides and Soto' carry it home, and alter it immediately phocles; but all this was nothing in according to their remarks. I was fain to comparison of what I have since observed. acquiesce in his determination, and fulfilled," Well, Mr Random, I went back at the hlis injunctions with all the expedition in'my appointed time, and was told that Mr Belpower; but, before I could present the new lovwer was engaged, and could not see me. copy, my good friend Mr Supple had disposed I repeated my visit a few days after, and, of his property and patent to one Mr'Brayer; having waited a considerable time, was faso that fresh interest was to be made with voured with an audience, during which, hp the new manager. This task Lord Rattle said, he had not as yet read my play. Netundertook, having some acquaintance with tled at'this usage, I could contain myself no him, and recommended my performance'so longer, but telling him, I imagined he would strongly that it was, received. have'paid more deference -to lord Rattle's "I looked upon myself:now- as upon the recommendation, demanded my manuscript eve of reaping the: fruits of all my labour: I with some expressions of resentment.' Ay,''waited a few days in expectation of its being said he, in a theatrical tone,'with all my put into rehearsal, and wondering at the heart.' Then pulling out a drawer of the' delay, applied to my worthy patron, who ex- bureau at which he sat, he took outa buadle ADVENTURES OF RODERICK RANDOM. 189 and threw it upon a table that was near him, obeyed the summons, and was received with pronouncing the word,-' there,' with great such profusion of compliments and apologies, disdain. I took it up, and perceiving, with that my resentment immediately subsided, some surprise, that it was a comedy, told and I was even in pain for the concern which him it did not belong to me; upon which he this honest man showed at the mistake of offered me another, which I also disclaimed. his servant, who, it seems, had been ordered A third was produced and rejected for the to deny him to every body but me. He exsame reason. At'length he pulled out a pressed the utmost veneration for his good whole handful, and spread them before me, and noble friend Lord Rattle, whom he should saying,-' There are seven-take which you be always proud to serve: promised to peruse please —or take them all.' I singled out my the play with all dispatch, and give me a own, and went away, struck dumb with ad- meeting upon it; and, as a testimony of his miration at what I had. seen-not so much esteem, made me a present of a general on account of his insolence, as of the number order for the season, by which I should be of new plays, which from this circumstance admitted to any part of the theatre. This I concluded were yearly offeredto the stage.'was a very agreeable compliment to me, You may be sure I did not fail to carry my whose greatest pleasure consisted in seeing complaint to my patron, who did not receive dramatic performances, and you need not it with all the indignation I expected; but doubt that I often availed myself of my privitaxed- me with precipitation, and told me I lege. As I had an opportunity of being bemust lay my account with bearing the hu- hind the scenes when I pleased, I frequently mours of the players, if I intended to write conversed with Mr Brayer about my play, for the stage. —' There is now no other and asked when he intended to put it into remedy,' said he,' but to keep it till the next rehearsal; but he had always so much busiseason for Mr Brayer, and alter it at your ness upon his hands, that it remained with leisure in the summer, according to his di- him unopened a considerable while; and rections.' I was now reduced to a terrible I became very uneasy about the season, alternative, either to quit all hopes of my that wasted apace, when I saw in the papers tragedy, from which I had all along promised another new play advertised, which had been myself a large share of fortune and reputa- written, offered, accepted, and rehearsed, in tion, or to encounter eight long months of the cormpass of three months. You may adversity in preparing for, and expecting its easily guess how much I was confounded at appearance. This last penance, painful as this event. I own to you, that in the first it was, seemed most eligible tomy reflection transports of my anger, I suspected Mr at that time, and therefore I resolved to Brayer of having acted towards me in the undergo it. most pitiful, perfidious manner; and was ac"Why should I tire you with particulars tually glad at his disappointment in the sucof no consequence? I wrestled with extreme cess of his favourite piece, which, by the poverty until the time of my probation was strength of art, lingered till the third night, expired, and went to my Lord Rattle in and then died in a deplorable manner. But, order to remind him of my affair, when I now that passion has no share in my reflecunderstood, to my great concern, that his tion, I am willing to ascribe his behaviour to lordship was just on the point of going abroad, his want of memory, or want of judgment, and, which was still more unfortunate for me, which, you know, are natural defects, that are Mr Brayer had gone into the country, so that more worthy of compassion than reproach. my generous patron had it not in his power "About this time I happened to be in to introduce me personally, as he intended: company with a gentlewoman, who, having however, he wrote a very strong letter to the heard of my tragedy, told me she was acmanager in my favour, and put him in mind of quainted with the wife of a gentleman, who the promise he had made in behalfof my play. was very well known to a lady, who had,"As soon as I was certified of Brayer's great interest with a person who was intireturn, I went to his house with this letter, mate with Earl Sheerwit, and that, if I but was told he was gone out. I called again pleased, she would use her influence in my next day early in the morning, received the behalf. As this nobleman had the character same answer, and was desired to leave my of a Maecenas in the nation, and could stamp name and business; I did so, and returned -a value upon any work by his sole countethe day after, when the servant still affirmed nance and approbation, I accepted her offer that his master was gone abroad, though I with eagerness, in full confidence of seeing perceived him, as I retired, observing me my reputation established, and my wishes through a window. Incensed at this disco- fulfilled in a very short time, provided I very, I went to a coffee-house hard by, and should have the good fortune to please his inclosing his lordship's letter in one from lordship's taste. I withdrew the manuscript myself, demanded a categorical answer. I from the hands of Mr Brayer, and committed sent it to his house by a porter, who returned it to the care of this gentlewoman, who lain a few minutes, and told me Mr Brayer boured so effectually in my interest, that in would be glad to see me at that instant. I less than a month it was conveyed to the 190 SMOLLETT'S SELECT WORKS. earl, and in a few weeks after, I had the cile Mr Marmozet's silence, with his promise satisfaction to hear that he had read and of writing to me ten days after he set out approved it very much. Transported with for the country. However, I was at last this piece of intelligence, I flattered myself favoured with a letter, importing that he had with the hopes of his interesting himself in made some remarks on my tragedy, which its favour; but hearing no more of the matter he would freely impart at meeting, and adin three whole months, 1 began (God forgive vising me to put it, without loss of time, me) to suspect the veracity of the person into the hands of that manager who had the who brought me the good tidings; for I best company, as he himself was quite unthought it impossible that a man of his rank certain whether or not ihe should be engaged and character, who knew the difficulty of that winter. I was a good deal alarmed at writing a good tragedy, and understood the this last part of his letter, and advised about dignity of the work, should read and applaud it with a friend, who told me, it was a plain an essay of this kind, without feeling an in- indication of Mr Marmozet's desire to get clination to befriend the author, whom his rid of his promise; that his pretended uncountenance alone could raise above depen- certainty about acting next winter was no dence. But it was not long before I found other than a scandalous evasion; for, to his my friend very much wronged by my opinion. certain knowledge, he was already engaged, "You must know that the civilities I have or at least in terms, with Mr Vandal; and received from Lord Rattle, and the desire he that his design was to disappoint me, in famanifested to promote the success of my vour of a new comedy, which he had purplay, encouraged me to write an account of chased of the author, and intended to bring my bad fortune to his lordship, who conde- upon the stage for his own advantage. scended so far as to desire, by letter, a young " In short, my dear sir, this person, who, I squire of a great estate, with whom he was must own, is of a sanguine complexion, hanintimate, to espouse my cause, and, in par- died the moral character of Mr Marmozet ticular, made me acquainted with one Mr with such severity, that I began to suspect Marmozet, a celebrated player, who had him of some particular prejudice, and put lately appeared on the stage with astonish- myself upon my guard against his insinuaing eclat, and bore such sway in the house tions. 1 ought to crave pardon for this where he acted, that the manager durst not tedious narration of trivial circumstances, refuse any thing he recommended. The which, however interesting they may be to young gentleman whom Lord Rattle had me, must certainly be very dry and insipid employed for this purpose, being diffident of to the ear of one unconcerned in the affair. his own interest with Mr Marmozet, had re- But I understand the meaning of your looks, course to a nobleman of his acquaintance, and will proceed. Well, sir, Mr Marmozet, who, at his solicitation, was so good as to upon his return to town, treated me with introduce me to him; and the conversation uncommon complaisance, and invited me to turning upon my performance, I was not a his lodgings, where he proposed to commulittle surprised, as well as pleased, to hear nicate his remarks, which I confess were that Earl Sheerwit had spoken very much in more unfavourable than I expected; but I its praise, and even sent Mr Marmozet the answered his objections, and, as I thought, copy, with a message, expressing a desire brought him over to my opinion; for, on the that he would act in it next season. Nor whole, he signified the highest approbation was the favourite actor backward in coin- of the performance. In the course of our mending the piece, which he mentioned with dispute, I was not a little surprised to find some expressions of regard that I do not this poor gentleman's memory so treachechoose to repeat; assuring me that he would rous, as to let him forget what he had said appear in it provided he should be engaged to me, before he went out of town, in regard to play at all during the ensuing season. In to Earl Sheerwit's opinion of my play, which the meantime, he desired I would give him he now professed himself ignorant of; and I leave to peruse it in the country, whither he was extremely mortified at hearing from his intended to remove next day, that he might own mouth, that his interest with Mr Vandal have leisure to consider and point out such was so very low, as to be insufficient of itself alterations as might, perhaps, be necessary to bring a new piece upon the stage. I then for its representation; and took my direction, begged his advice; and he counselled me to that he might communicate by letter the apply to Earl Sheerwit for a message in my observations he shoul.d make. Trusting to favour to the manager, who would not prehese assurances, and the interest which had sume to refuse any thing recommended by been made in my behalf, I hugged myself in so great a man; and he was so kind as to the expectation of seeing it not only acted, promise to second this message with all his but acted to the greatest advantage; and power. I had immediate recourse to the this I thought could not fail of recompensing worthy gentlewoman my friend, already menme in an ample manner for the anxiety and tioned, who opened the channels of her conaffliction I had undergone: but six weeks veyance with such expedition, that in a few oeing elapsed, I did not know how to recon- days I had the promise of the message, pro ADVENTURES OF RODERICK RANDOM. 191 vided I could assure myself of Mr Vandal's cumstances of his conduct towards me. I being unengaged to any other author; for his was encouraged in this suspicion, by being lordship did not choose to condescend so far, told, that my Lord Sheerwit had spoke of his until he should understand that there was a character with great contempt, and, in parprobability (at least) of succeeding. At the ticular, resented his insolence in opposing same time that he blessed me with this piece his own taste to that of his lordship concernof news, I was startled at another, by the ing my tragedy. While I hesitated between same channel of communication; which was, different opinions of the matter, that friend, that Mr Marmozet, before he advised me who (as I told you before) was a little hotto this application, had informed the earl headed, favoured me with a visit, and having that he had read my play, and found it alto- heard a circumstantial account of the whole gether unfit for the stage. Though I could affair, could not contain his indignation, but not doubt the certainty of this intelligence, affirmed without ceremony, that Marnmozet I believed there was some misapprehension was the sole occasion of my disappointment; in the case; and, without taking any notice that he had acted from first to last with the of it, told Mr Marmozet the answer I had most perfidious dissimulation, cajoling me been favoured with, and he promised to ask with insinuating civilities, while he underMr Vandal the question proposed. I waited hand employed all his art and influence to upon him in a day or two, when he gave me prejudice the ignorant manager against my to understand that Mr Vandal, having pro- performance; that nothing could equal his fessed himself free of all engagements, he hypocrisy but his avarice, which engrossed had put my play into his hands, and repre- the faculties of his soul so much, that he sented' it as a piece strongly recommended scrupled not to be guilty of the meanest by Earl Sheerwit, who (he assured him) practices to gratify that. sordid appetite; that, would honour him with a message in its in consequence of this disposition, he had favour; and he desired me to call for an prostituted his honour in betraying my inex answer at Mr Vandal's house in three days. perience, and in undermining the interest of I followed his directions, and found the another author of established reputation, who manager, who, being made acquainted with had also offered a tragedy to the stage, which my business, owned that Mr Marmozet had he thought would interfere with the success given him a manuscript play, but denied that of the comedy he had bought, and determined he had mentioned Earl Sheerwit's name. to bring on at all events. When I informed him of the circumstances " I was shocked at the description of such of the affair, he said he had no engagement a monster, which I could not believe existedl with any author; that he would read my in the world, bad as it is, and argued against tragedy forthwith, and did not believe he the asseverations of my friend, by demonshould venture to reject it in contradiction strating the bad policy of such behaviour, to his lordship's opinion, for which he had which could not fail of entailing infamy upon the utmost veneration, but put it into re- the author; and the small temptation that a hearsal without loss of time. I was so much man of Mr AIarmozet's figure and success intoxicated with this encouragement, that I could have to consult his interest in such overlooked the mysterious conduct of Mr a grovelling manner, which must create Marmozet, and attended the manager at the contempt and abhorrence of him in his time appointed, when, to my infinite confu- patrons, and effectually deprive him of the sion, he pronounced my play improper for countenance and protection he now enjoys the stage, and rejected it accordingly. As in such an eminent degree. He pretended soon as I could recollect myself from the to laugh at my simplicity, and asked if I disorder into which this unexpected refusal knew for which of his virtues he was so had thrown me, I expressed a desire of hear- much caressed by the people of fashion ing his objections, which were so groundless,' It is not,' said he,' for the qualities of his indistinct, and unintelligible, that I persuaded heart, that this little parasite is invited to myself he had not at all perused the piece, but the tables of dukes and lords, who hire exhad been prompted by somebody, whose les- traordinary cooks for his entertainment: his sons he had not rightly retained. However, avarice they see not, his ingratitude they I have been since informed, that the poor feel not, his hypocrisy accommodates itself man's head, which was not naturally very to their humours, and is of consequence clear, had been disordered with superstition, pleasing; but he is chiefly courted for his and that he laboured under the tyranny of a buffoonery, and will be admitted into the wife and the terrors of hell-fire at the same choicest parties of quality for his talent of time. Precipitated, in this manner, from the mimicking Punch and his wife Joan, when a. highest pinnacle of hope to the abyss of des- poet of the most exquisite genius is not able pondence, I was ready to sink under the to attract the least regard.' God forbit, burden of my affliction, and in the bitterness Mr Random, that I should credit assertions of my anguish, could not help entertaining that degrade the dignity of our suoeriors so some doubts of Mr Marmozet's integrity, nuch, and represent that poor man as the when I recollected and complared the cir- most abject of all beings! No; I looked 192 SMOLLETT'S SELECT WSORKS. upon them as the hyperboles of passion; and my gratitude; but, in spite of all their chari thouoh that comedy of which he spoke did table endeavours, mylifewas scarce tolerable actually appear, I dare not doubt the inno- until your uncommon benevolence enabled cence of Mr Marmozet, who, I am told, is me to enjoy it with comfort." as much as ever in favour with the earl; a circumstance that surely could not be, unless he had vindicated his character to the satis- CHAPTER LXIV. faction of his lordship. Pray forgive this long digression, and give me the hearing a. I am seized with a deep melancholy, and little longer; for, thank heaven! I am now become a sloven —am relieved by my uncle near the goal. -he prevails upon me to engage with " Baffled in all my attempts, I despaired his owners as surgeon of the ship which of seeing my play acted; and bethought my- he commands —he makes me a considera-,self of choosing some employment that ble present-entertains Strap as his might afford a sure, though mean, subsist- steward-I take leave of my friends, ence; but my landlord, to whom I was by and go on board-the ship arrives in the this time considerably indebted, and who had Downs. laid his account with having his money paid all in a heap, from the profits of my third I SHALL not make any reflections on this night, could not brook his disappointment, story, in the course of which the reader must therefore made another effort in my behalf, perceive how egregiously the simplicity and and, by dint of interest, procured a message milky disposition of this worthy man had from a lady of fashion to Mr Brayer, who been duped and abused by a set of scounhad always professed a great veneration for drels, who were so habituated to falsehood her, desiring that he would set up my play and equivocation, that I verily believe they forthwith, and assuring him thatshe and all her would have found the utmost difficulty in friends would support it in the performance. uttering one syllable of truth, though their To strengthen my interest, she engaged his lives had depended upon their sincerity. best actors in my cause; and, in short, ex- Notwithstanding all I had suffered from the erted herself so much, that it was again knavery and selfishness of mankind, I was received, and my hopes began to revive. amazed and incensed at the base indifference But Mr Brayer, honest man, was so much which suffered such uncommon merit as he engrossed by business of vast consequence, possessed to languish in obscurity, and though to appearance he had nothing at all struggle with all the miseries of a loathsome to do, that he could not find time to read it jail; and should have blessed the occasion until the season was pretty far advanced; that secluded me from such a perfidious and read it he must, for, notwithstanding his world, had not the remembrance of the amiahaving perused it before, his memory did not ble Narcissa preserved my attachment to retain one circumstance of the matter. that society of which she constituted a part. At length he favoured it with his attention, The picture of that lovely creature was the and, having proposed certain alterations, constant companion of my solitude. Ilhow sent his duty to the lady who patronised it, often did I contemplate the resemblance of and promised, on his honour, to bring it on those enchanting features that first captinext winter, provided these alterations should vated my heart! How often did I weep over be made, and the copy delivered to him be- those endearing scenes which her image refore the end of April. With an aching heart called! and how often did I curse my perfiI submitted to these conditions, and per- dious fate for having robbed me of the fair formed them accordingly; but fortune owed original! In vain did my imagination flatter me another unforeseen mortification: Mr me with schemes of future happiness; surly Marmozet, during the summer, became joint reason always interposed, and in a moment patentee with Mr Brayer; so that, when I overthrew that unsubstantial fabric, by chasclaimed performance of articles, I was told tising the extravagance of my hope, and he could do nothing without the consent of representing my unhappy situation in the his partner, who was pre-engaged to another right point of view. In vain did I fly for author. refuge to the amusements of the place, and "My condition was rendered desperate engage in the parties of Jackson, at cards, by the death of my good friend and landlord, billiards, nine-pins, and fives; a train of whose executors obtained a judgment against melancholy thoughts took possession of my my effects, which they seized, and turned soul, which even the conversation of Melome out into the streets naked, friendless, poyn could not divert. I ordered Strap to ana forlorn. There I was arrested at the inquire every day at Banter's lodgings, in suit of my tailor, and thrown into this prison, expectation of hearing again from my where I have made shift to live these five charmer; and my disappointment consiweeks on the bounty of my fellow-prisoners, derably augmented my chagrin. My affecwho, I hope, are not the worse for the in- tionate valet was infected with my sorrow, struction and good offices by which I manifest and often sat with me, whole hours without ADVENTURES OF RODERICK RANDOM. 193 speaking, uttering sigh for sigh, and shedding attachment to me, he squeezed his hand very tear for tear. This fellowship increased our cordially, and promised to make a man o. distemper; he became incapable of business, him; then giving me ten guineas for my and was discarded by his master; while I, present occasion, took a direction for the seeing my money melt away, without any tailor who arrested me, and went away in certainty of deliverance, and in short, all my order to discharge the debt, telling me at hopes frustrated, grew negligent of life, lost parting, that he would soon fetch up all my all appetite, and degenerated into such a lee-way with a wet sail. sloven, that, during the space of two months, I was utterly confounded at this sudden I was neither washed, shifted, nor shaved; transition, which affected me more than any so that my face, rendered meagre with ab- reverse I had formerly felt; and a crowd of stinence, was obscured with dirt, and over- incoherent ideas rushed so impetuously upon shadowed with hair, and my whole appear- my imagination, that my reason could neither ance squalid and even frightful; when, one separate nor connect them, when Strap, day, Strap brought me notice that there was whose joy had manifested itself in a thousand a man below who wanted to speak with me. fooleries, came into my room with his shaRoused at this intelligence, and in full hopes ving utensils, and, without any previous inof receiving a letter from the dear object of timation, began to lather my beard, whistling my love, I ran down stairs with the utmost with great emotion all the while. I started precipitation, and found, to my infinite sur- from my reverie, and being too well acquainted prise, my generous uncle, Mr Bowling. with Strap totrust myself in his hands while Transported at the sight, I sprung forward he was under such agitation, desired to be to embrace him: upon which he started excused, sent for another barber, and sufferaside with great agility, drew his hanger, ed myself to be trimmed. Having performand put himself upon his guard, crying,- ed the ceremony of ablution, I shifted, and, " Avast, brother, avast! sheer off!-Yo ho! dressing in my gayest apparel, waited for the you turnkey, why don't you keep a better return of my uncle, who was agreeably surlook-out? here's one of your crazy prisoners prised at my sudden transformation. broke from his lashings, I do suppose." I This beneficent kinsman had satisfied my could not help laughing heartily at his mis- creditor, and obtained an order for my distake; but this I soon rectified by my voice, charge, so that I was no longer a prisoner; which he instantly recollected, and shook but as I had some reluctance to part with my me by the hand with great affection, testify- friends and fellows in distress, I prevailed ing his concern at seeing me in such a mis- upon Mr Bowling to favour us with his comerable condition. pany, and invited Mr Melopoyn and Jackson I conducted him to my apartment, where, to spend the evening at my apartment, where in presence of Strap, whom I introduced to I regaled them with a supper, good wine, him as one of my best friends, he gave me to and the news of my release, on which they understand that he was just arrived from the heartily congratulated me, notwithstanding coast of Guinea, after having made a pretty the loss of my company, which, they were successful voyage, in which he had acted as pleased to say, they should severely feel. mate, until the ship was attacked by a French As for Jackson, his misfortune made so little privateer; that the captain being killed dur- impression on himself, and he was altogether ing the engagement, he had taken the c6m- so loose, indifferent, and indiscreet, that I mand, and was so fortunate as to sink the could scarce pity his situation: but I had enemy; after which exploit he fell in with conceived a veneration and friendship for a merchant ship from Martinico, laden with the poet, who was in all respects an object sugar, indigo, and some silver; and, by vir- much more worthy of compassion and re. tue of his letter of marque, attacked, took, gard. When our guests withdrew, and my and brought her safe into Kinsale, in Ireland, uncle had retired, with an intention to visit where she was condemned as a lawIrful prize; me next morning, I made up a bundle of by which means he had not only got a pretty some linen, and other necessaries, and, bidsum of money, but also acquired the favour of ding Strap carry them to Mr Melopoyn's his owners, who had already conferred upon lodgings, went thither myself and pressed it him the command of a large ship, mounted upon his acceptance, with five guineas, which with twenty nine-pounders, ready to sail with much difficulty he received, assuring upon a very advantageous voyage, which he me at the same time that he should never was not at liberty to discover. And he have it in his power to make satisfaction. I assured me, it was with the greatest difficulty then asked if I could serve him any other he had found me, in consequence of a direc- way; to which he answered,-" you have tion left for him at his lodgings at Wapping. already done too much;" and, unable to conI was rejoiced beyond measure at this tain the emotions of his soul any longer, account of his good fortune; and, at his de- burst into tears, and wept aloud. Moved at sire, recounted all the adventures that had this spectacle I left him to his repose; and, happened to me since we parted. When when my unce returned in the morning, rehe understood the particulars of Strap's presented his character in such a favourable 4 S* 62 94 SMOLLETT'S SELECT WORKS. light, that the honest seaman was affected When I had delivered my list of medicines, with his distress, and determined to follow my chosen a couple of my own countrymen fox example, in presenting him with five pieces mates, and bespoke a set of chirurgical inmore: upon which, that I might save him struments, my uncle told me that, by his some confusion, I advised Mr Bowling to in- last voyage, he had cleared almost three thouclose it in a letter, to be delivered by Strap sand pounds, one third of which he would after we should be gone. immediately make over and put into my This was accordingly done. I took a for- hands; that he would procure for me credit mal leave of all my acquaintance in the jail; to the value of as much more, in such goods and just as I was about to step into a hack- as would turn to best account in the country ney coach at the gate, Jackson calling me, to which we were bound; and that, although I returned, and he asked me in a whisper if he looked upon my interest as his own, he I could lend him a shilling. His demand would keep the remaining part of his fortune being so moderate, and in all likelihood the in his own disposal, with a view of preservlast he would make upon me, I slipped a ing his independence, and a power of punguinea into his hand, which he no sooner ishing me, in case I should not make a good perceived, than he cried,-" O Jesus! a gui- use of what he had already bestowed. nea?" then laying hold of a button of my coat Without troubling the reader with an acbroke out into an immoderate fit of laugh- count of the effect which this surprising genter; and, when his convulsion was ended, erosity had upon my mind, I shall only say told me I was an honest fellow, and let me go. that his promises were instantly performed, The coachman was ordered to drive to Mr and an invoice of merchandize proper for the Bowling's lodgings, where, when we arrived, voyage presented to me, that I might purhe entered into a serious discourse with me chase the goods, and ship them with all exon the subject of my situation, and proposed pedition. In the midst of this hurry, the that I should sail with him in quality of his remembrance of my charming Narcissa often surgeon; in which case he would put me in interposed, and made me the most miserable a method of getting a fortune in a few years of all mortals. I was distracted with the by my own industry; and assured me, that thought of being torn from her, perhaps for I might expect to inherit all that he should ever; and though the hope of seeing her die possessed of, provided I should survive again might have supported me under the him. Though I was penetrated with a sense torments of separation, I could not reflect of his generosity, I was startled at a propo- upon the anguish she must feel at parting sal that offered violence to my love, and sig- with me, and the incessant sorrows to which nified my sentiments on that head, which he her tender bosom would be exposed during did not seem to relish, but observed, that love my absence, without being pierced with the was the fruit of idleness; that, when once I deepest affliction. As my imagination was should be employed in business, and my mind daily and nightly upon the rack to invent engaged in making money, I should be no some method of mitigating this cruel stroke, more troubled with these silly notions, which or at least of acquitting my love and honour none but your fair-weather Jacks, who have in the opinion of this gentle creature, I at nothing but their pleasure to mind, ought to length stumbled upon an expedient, with entertain. I was piqued at this insinuation, which the reader will be made acquainted in which I looked upon as a reproach, and, due time; and, in consequence of my deterwithout giving myself time to deliberate, ac- mination, became less uneasy and- disturbed. cepted his offer. He was overjoyed at my My business being finished, and the ship compliance, carried me immediately to his ready to sail, I resolved to make my last apchief owner, with whom a bargain was pearance among my acquaintance at the struck; so that then I could not retract with other end of the town, where I had not been honour, had I been ever so much averse to seen since my imprisonment; and as I had, the agreement. That I might not have time by the advice of my uncle, taken off some to cool, he bade me draw out a list of medi- very rich clothes for sale, I put on the gayest cines for a complement of five hundred men, suit in my possession, and went in a chair to adapted to the distempers of hot climates, the coffee-house I used to frequent, where I and sufficient for a voyage of eighteen found my friend Banter so confounded at the months, and carry it to a certain wholesale magnificence of my dress, that, when I made apothecary, who would also provide me in up to him, he gazed at me with a look of two well qualified mates. While I was thus astonishment, without being able for some employed, Strap came in, and looked very minutes to open his lips, then pulling me blank, whenl he understood my resolution: aside by the sleeve, and fixing his eyes on however, after a pause of some minutes, he mine, accosted me in this manner:-" Raninsisted upon going along with me; and at dom, where the devil have you been l eh!-:ny desire was made ship's steward by cap- What is the meaning of all this finery? — lain Bowling, who promised to be at. the ex- Oho! I understand you.-You are just arrienase of fitting him out, and to lend him two ved from the country!-what! the roads are undred pounds to purchase an adventure. good, eh!-Well, Randomp you are a bold ADVENTURES OF RODERICK RANDOM. 195 fellow, and a lucky fellow!-but take care, hundred negroes, sail for Paraguay, get the pitcher goes often to the well, but is safe into the river of Plate, and sell our broken at last." So saying he pointed to his cargo to great advantage. collar; by which gesture, and the broken hints he had ejaculated, I found he suspected IT was now I put in execution the scheme I me of having robbed on the highway; and I had projected at London; and asking leave laughed very heartily at his supposition. of the captain for Strap and me to stay on Without explaining myself any further, I told shore till the wind should become favourable, him he was mistaken in his conjecture; that my request was granted, because he had I had been for some time past with the rela- orders to remain in the Downs until he tion of whom he had frequently heard me should receive some dispatches firom London, speak; and that, as I should set out next which he did not expect in less than a week. day upon my travels, I had come to take my Having imparted my resolution to my trusty leave of my friends, and to receive of him valet, who (though he endeavoured to disthe money he had borrowed from me, which, suade me from such a rash undertaking) now that I was going abroad, I should cer- would not quit me in the enterprise, I hired tainly have occasion for. He was a little horses, and set out immediately for that part disconcerted at this demand; but, recollect- of Sussex where Imy charmer was confined, ing himself in a moment, swore, in an af- which was not above thirty miles distant fected passion, that I had used him extreme- from Deal, where we mounted. As I was ly ill, and he would never forgive me, for perfectly well acquainted with the extent of having, by this short warning, put it out of the squire's estate and influence, I halted his power to free himself of an obligation he within five miles of his house, where we could no longer bear. I could not help smi- remained till the twilight, at which time we ling at this pretended delicacy, which I com- set forward, and, by the favour of a dark mended highly, telling him he needed not to night, reached a copse about half a mile from be uneasy on that score, for I would give the village where Mrs Sagely lived. Here him a direction to a merchant in the city, we left our horses tied to a tree, and went with whom I would leave a discharge for the directly to the house of my old benefactress, sum, to be delivered upon payment. He Strap trembling all the way, and venting ejaprofessed much joy at this expedient, and, culatory petitions to Heaven for our safety. with great eagerness, asked the person's Her habitation being quite solitary, we arrivname and place of abode, which he forthwith ed at the door without being observed, when wrote in his pocket book, assuring me that I ordered my companion to enter by himself, he should not be long in my debt. This and, in case there should be company with affair, which I knew he would never after her, deliver a letter which I had written for think of, being settled to his satisfaction, that purpose, and say that a friend of hers in t sent cards to all my friends, desiring the London, understanding that he intended to favour of their company at a tavern in the travel this road, had committed it to his care. evening, when they honoured my invitation, He rapped at the door, to which the good and I had the pleasure of treating them in a old matron coming, told him, that, being a very elegant manner, at which they express- lone woman, he must excuse her, if she did ed equal admiration and applause. Having not open it, until he had declared his name enjoyed ourselves till midnight, I took my and business. He answered, that his name leave of them, and was well nigh stifled with was unknown to her, and that his business caresses. Next day T set out with Strap in was to deliver a letter, which (to free her a post-chaise for Gravesend, where we went from all apprehension) he would convey to on board, and, the wind serving, weighed her through the space between the door and anchor in less than twelve hours. Without threshold. This he instantly performed: and meeting with any accident, we reached the she no sooner read the contents, which speDowns, where we were obliged to come to cified my being present, than she cried, — an anchor, and wait for an easterly wind to, If the person who wrote this letter be at, carry us out of the Channel. hand, let him speak, that I may be assured by his voice whether or not I may safely admit him." I forthwith applied my mouth CHAPTER LXV. to the keyhole, and pronounced,-" Dear mother, you need not be afraid, it is I, so I set out for Sussex-consult 3Mrs Sage- much indebted to your goodness, who now ly-achieve an interview with Narcissa- crave admittance." She knew my voice, retuirn to the ship —we get clear of the and opening the door immediately, received Channel-I learn our destination-we me with a truly maternal affection, manifestare chased by a large ship-the company ing, by the tears she let fall, her concern lest are dismayed, and encouraged by the I should be discovered, for she had been captain's speech-our pursuer happens informed of every thing that had happened to be an English man of war-we arrive between Narcissa and me from the dear at the coast of Guinea-purchase four captive's own mouth. When I explained L96 SMOLLETT'S SELECT WORKS. the motive of my journey, which was no in the morning to six in the evening, without other than a desire of seeing the object of seeing a human creature; at last I perceivmy love before I should quit the kingdom, ed two women approaching, whom, by my that I might in person convince her of the throbbing heart, I soon recognized to be the necessity I was under to leave her, reconcile adorable Narcissa and Miss Williams. 1 her to that event, by describing the advan- felt the strongest agitation of soul at the tages that in all probability would attend it, sight; and guessing that they would repose repeat my vows of eternal constancy, and themselves in the alcove, stepped into it enjoy the melancholy pleasure of a tender, unperceived, and laid upon the stone table a embrace at parting. I say, when I had thus picture of myself in miniature. for which I signified my intention, Mrs Sagely told me had sat in London, purposing to leave it with that Narcissa, upon her return from Bath, Narcissa before I should go abroad. I exhad been so strictly watched, that nobody posed it in this manner, as an introduction but one or two of the servants, devoted to to my own appearance, which, without some her brother, was admitted to her presence; previous intimation, I was afraid might have that afterwards she had been a little enlarged, an unlucky effect upon the delicate nerves and was permitted to see company; during of my fair enslaver; and then withdrew into which indulgence, she had been several times the thicket, where I could hear their disat the cottage; but of late she had been be- course, and suit myself to the circumstances trayed by one of the servants, who discovered of the occasion. As they advanced, I obto the squire, that he had once carried a letter served an air of melancholy in the countefrom her to the post-house, directed to me; nance of Narcissa, blended with such unupon which information she was now more speakable sweetness, that I could scarce confined than ever, and that I could have no refrain from flying into her arms, and kissing chance of seeing her, unless I would run the away the pearly drop that stood collected in risk of getting into the garden, where she each bewitching eye. According to my exand her maid were every day allowed to take pectation, she entered the alcove, and, perthe air, and lie hid until I should have an ceiving something on the table, took it up. opportunity of speaking to them —an adven- No sooner did she cast her eye upon the ture attended with such danger, that no man features, than, startled at the resemblance, in his right wits would attempt it. This she cried,- "Good God i" and the roses enterprise, hazardous as it was, I resolved instantly vanished from her cheeks. Her to perform, in spite of all the arguments of confidant, alarmed at this exclamation, lookiMrs Sagely, who reasoned, chid, and en- ed at the picture, and, struck with the liketreated by turns; and the tears and prayers ness, exclaimed,-" O Jesus! the very feaof Strap, who conjured me, on his knees, to tures of Mr Random!" Narcissa, having have more regard to myself as well as to recollected herself a little, said, —" Whathim, than to attempt my own destruction in ever angel brought it hither as a comfort to such a precipitate manner. I was deaf to me in my affliction, I am thankful for the every thing but the suggestions of my love; benefit, and will preserve it as the dearest and ordering him to return immediately with object of my care." So saying, she kissed the horses to the inn from whence we set it with surprising ardour, shed a flood of out, and wait for my coming in that place, tears, and then deposited the lifeless image he at first peremptorily refused to leave me, in her lovely bosom. Transported at these until I persuaded him, that if our horses symptoms of her unaltered affection, I was should remain where they were till daylight, about to throw myself at her feet, when Miss they would certainly be discovered, and the Williams, whose reflection was less engaged whole country alarmed. On this considera. than that of her mistress, observed that the tion he took his leave in a sorrowful plight, picture could not transport itself hither, and hissed my hand, and, weeping, cried,-" God that she could not help thinking I was not knows if ever I shall see you again." My far off. The gentle Narcissa, starting at this kind landlady, finding me obstinate, gave me conjecture, answered,-" Heaven forbid! for, her best advice how to behave in the execu- although nothing in the universe could yield tlon of my project; and after having per- me satisfastion equal to that of his presence suaded me to take a little refreshment, ac- for one poor moment, in a proper place, I commodated me with a bed, and left me to would rather forfeit his company-almost for nmy repose. ever, than to see him here, where his life Early in the morning I arose, and, armed would be exposed to so much danger." I with a couple of loaded pistols and a hanger, could no longer restrain the impulse of my went tc the back part of the squire's garden, passion, but, breaking from my concealment, climbed over the wall, and, according to stood before her, when she uttered a fearful Mrs Sagely's direction, concealed myself in shriek, and fainted in the arms of her coma thicket, hard by an alcove that terminated panion. I flew towards the treasure of my a walk at a good distance from the house, soul, clasped her in my embrace, and, with which (I was told) my mistress mostly fre- the warmth of my kisses, brought her again qvlented. Here I absconded from five o'clock to life. Oh that I were endowed with the ADVE NTURES OF RODERICK RANDOM. 197.. _. expression of a Raphael, the graces of a mar, dictionary, and some other books of the Guido, the magic touches of a Titian, that I same language, which I studied with such might represent the fond concern, the chast- application, that, before we arrived in New ened rapture and ingenuous blush, that min- Spain, I could maintain a conversation with apled on her beauteous face, when she opened him in that tongue. Being arrived in the her eyes upon me, and pronounced,-"O warm latitudes, I ordered (with the captain's heavens! is it you!" consent) the whole ship's company to be I am afraid I have already encroached blooded and purged, myself undergoing the upon the reader's patience with the particu- same evacuation, in order to prevent those lars of this amour, on which (I own) I can- dangerous fevers to which northern constinot help being impertinently circumstantial. tutions are subject in hot climates; and I I shall therefore omit the less material pass- have reason to believe that this precaution ages of this interview, during which I con- was not unserviceable, for we lost but one vinced her reason, though I could not ap- sailor during our whole passage to the coast. pease the sad presages of her love, with One day, when we had been about five regard to the long voyage and dangers I weeks at sea, we descried to windward a must undergo. When we had spent an hour large ship bearing down upon us with all the (which was all she could spare from the bar- sail she could carry. Upon which my uncle barity of her brother's vigilance) in lament- ordered the studding-sails to be hoisted, and ing over our hard fate, and in repeating our the ship to be cleared for engaging; but, reciprocal vows, Miss Williams reminded us finding that (to use the seaman's phrase) we of the necessity there was for our immediate were very much wronged by the ship which parting; and, sure, lovers never parted with had us in chase, and which by this time had such sorrow and reluctance as we. But be- hoisted French colours, he commanded the cause my words are incapable of doing justice studding-sails to be taken in, the courses to to this affecting circumstance, I am obliged be clewed up, the main-topsail to be backed, to draw a veil over it, and observe, that'I the tompions to be taken out of the guns, returned in the dark to the house of Mrs and every man to repair to his quarters. Sagely, who was overjoyed to hear of my While every body was busied in the perform-, success, and opposed the tumults of my grief ance of these orders, Strap came upon the with such strength of reason, that my mind quarter-deck, trembling and looking aghast, regained in some measure its tranquillity; and, with a voice half suppressed by fear, and, that very night, after having forced upon asked if I thought we were a match for the the good gentlewoman a purse of twenty vessel in pursuit of us. Observing his conguineas, as a token of my gratitude and sternation, I said, " What! are you afraid, esteem, I took my leave of her, and set out Strap!" " Afraid!" he replied; " n-n-no; on foot for the inn, where my arrival freed what should I be afraid of? I thank God I honest Strap from the horrors of unutterable have a clear conscience: but I believe it will dread. We took horse immediately, and be a bloody battle, and I wish you may not alighted early next morning at Deal, where have occasion for another hand to assist you I found my uncle in great concern on account in the cockpit." I immediately perceived of my absence, because he had received his his drift, and, making the captain acquainted despatches, and must have weighed with the with his situation, desired he might be stafirst fair wind, whether I had been on board tioned below with me and my mates. My or not. Next day, a brisk easterly gale uncle, incensed at his pusillanimity, bade me springing up, we set sail, and in eight and send him down instantly, that his fear might forty hours got clear of the Channel. not infect the ship's company; whereupon, I When we were about two hundred leagues told the poor steward that I had begged him to westward of the Land's end, the captain for my assistant, and desired him to go down taking me apart into the cabin, told me that, and help my mates to get ready the instrunow he was permitted by his instructions, ments and dressings. Notwithstanding the he would disclose the intent and destination satisfaction he must have felt at these tidings, of our voyage. " The ship," said he, "which he affected a shyness of quitting the upper has been fitted out at a great expense, is deck; and said, he hoped I did not imagine bound for the coast of Guinea, where we shall he was afraid to do his duty above board; exchange part of our cargo for slaves and for he believed himself as well prepared for gold dust; from thence we will transport our death as any man in the ship, no disparagenegroes to Buenos Ayres in New Spain, ment to me or the captain. I was disgusted where (by virtue of passports obtained from at his affectation, and, in order to punish his our own court and that of Madrid) we will hypocrisy, assured him he might take his dispose of them and the goods that remain choice either of going down to the cockpit on board for silver, by means of our super- with me, or of staying upon deck during the cargo, who is perfectly well acquainted with engagement. Alarmed at this indifference, the coast, the lingo, and inhabitants." Being he replied, "Well, to oblige you, I'll go thus let into the secret of our expedition, I down, but remember it is more for your sake borrowed of the supercargo a Spanish gram- than my own." So saying, he disappeared 62* 198 SMOLLETT'S SELECT WORKS. in a twinkling, without waiting for an an- very much caressed on his account. As this swer. commander was destined to cruise upon the By this time we could observe two tier of French in the latitude of Martinico, his stem guns in the ship which pursued us, and and quarters were adorned with white which was now but two short miles astern. flowers-de-lis, and the whole shell of the This discovery had an evident effect upon ship so much disguised for a decoy to the the sailors, who did not scruple to say, that enemy, that it was no wonder my uncle did we should be torn to pieces, and blown out not know her, although he had sailed on of the water; and that, if in case any of them board of her many years. We kept comshould lose their precious limbs, they must pany with her four days, during which time go a begging for life, for there was no pro- the captains were never asunder, and then visioli made by the merchants for those poor parted, our course lying different from hers. souls who are maimed in their service. The In less than a fortnight after our separacaptain, understanding this backwardness, tion, we made the land of Guinea, near the ordered the crew abaft, and spoke to them mouth of the river Gambia; and trading thus: "My lads, I am told you hang an a-se. along the coast as far to the southward of I have gone to sea thirty years, a man and a the line as Angola and Bengula, in less than boy, and never saw English sailors afraid six months disposed of the greatest part of before. Mayhap you may think I want to our cargo, and purchased four hundred neexpose you for the lucre of gain. Whoso- groes, my adventure having been laid out in ever thinks so, thinks a d-ned lie, for my gold dust. whole cargo is insured; so that, in case I Our compliment being made up, we took should be taken, my loss would not be great. our departure from Cape Negro, and arrived The enemy is stronger than we, to be sure. in the Rio de la Plata in six weeks, having What then? have we not a chance for carry- met with nothing remarkable in our voyage, ing away one of her masts, and so get clear except an epidemic fever, not unlike the jail of her? If we find her too hard for us,'tis distemper, which broke out among our slaves, but striking at last. If any man is hurt in and carried off a good many of the ship's the engagement, I promise, on the word of company; among whom I lost one of my an honest seaman, to make him a recom- mates, and poor Strap had well nigh given pense according to his loss. So now, you up the ghost. Having produced our passport that are lazy, lubberly, cowardly dogs, get to the Spanish governor, we were received away and skulk in the hold and bread-room; with great courtesy, sold our slaves in a and you that are jolly boys, stand by me, very few days, and could have put off five and let us give one broadside for the honour times the number at our own price; though of' Old England." This eloquent harangue we were obliged to smuggle the rest of our was so well adapted to the disposition of his merchandise, consisting of European balehearers, that one and all of them, pulling off goods, which, however, we made shift to distheir hats, waved them over their heads, and pose of at a great advantage. saluted him with three cheers; upon which he sent his boy for two large case-bottles of brandy, and, having treated every man with CHAPTER LXVI. a dram, they repaired to their quarters, and waited impatiently for the word of command. I am invited to the villa of a Spanish don, I must do my uncle the justice to say, that, where we meet with an English gentlein the whole of his disposition, he behaved man, and make a very interesting diswith the utmost intrepidity, conduct, and covery-we leave Buenos Ayres, and deliberation. The enemy being very near, arrive at Jamaica. he ordered me to my station, and was just going to give the word for hoisting the co- OUR ship being freed from the disagreeable lours, and firing, when the supposed French- lading of negroes, to whom indeed I had man hauled down his white pennant, jack, been a miserable slave since our leaving the and ensign, hoisted English ones, and fired coast of Guinea, I began to enjoy myself, a gun a-head of us. This was a joyful event and breathe with pleasure the pure air of to Captain Bowling, who immediately showed Paraguay, this part of which is reckoned the Iis colours, and fired agun to leeward; upon Montpelier of South America, and has obwhich the other ship ran along-side of us, tained, on account of its climate, the name hailed him, and, giving him to know that she of Buenos Ayres. It was in this delicious was an English man-of-war of forty guns, place that I gave myself entirely up to the ordered him to hoist out his boat and come thoughts of my dear Narcissa, whose image on board. This command he obeyed with still kept possession of my breast, and whose the more alacrity, because upon inquiry he charms, enhanced by absence, appeared to tbund that she was commanded by an old my imagination, if possible, more engaging messmate of his, who was overjoyed to see than ever! I calculated the profits of my him, detained him to dinner, and sent his voyage, which even exceeded my expectas barge fOr the supercargo and me, who were tion; resolved to purchase a handsome sine ADVENTURES OF RODERICK RANDOIM. 199 cure upon my arrival in England, and, if I neutral bottoms, and would willingly embark should find the squire as averse to me as ever, the rest of it with himself in our ship, promarry his sister by stealth; and in case our vided the captain had no objection to such a family should increase, rely upon the gene- passenger. My uncle very prudently replied, rosity of my uncle, who was by this time that for his part he should be very glad of worth a considerable sum. his company, if he could procure the consent While I amused myself with these agree- of the governor, without which he durst not able projects, and the transporting hopes of admit him on board, whatever inclination he enjoying Narcissa, we were very much ca- had to oblige him. The gentleman approved ressed by the Spanish gentlemen, who fre- of his discretion, and, telling him that there quently formed parties of pleasure for our would be no difficulty in obtaining the conentertainment, in which we made excursions nivance of the governor, who was his good a good way into the country. Among those friend, shifted the conversation to another who signalized themselves by their civility subject. to us, there was one Don Antonio de Ribera, I was overjoyed to hear his intention, and a very polite young gentleman, with whom already interested myself so much in his faI had contracted an intimate friendship, who vour, that, had he been disappointed, I should invited us one day to his country house, and, have been very unhappy. In the course of as a further inducement to our compliance, our entertainment, he eyed me with uncompromised to procure for us the company of mon attachment: I felt a surprising attraction an Engiish signor, who had been settled in towards him: when he spoke, I listened with those parts many years, and acquired the attention and reverence; the dignity of his love and esteem of the whole province by deportment filled me with affection and awe; his affability, good sense, and honourable and in short the emotions of my soul, in behaviour. presence of this stranger, were strong and We accepted his invitation, and set out unaccountable. for his villa, where we had not been longer Having spent the best part of the day with than an hour, when the person arrived, in us, he took his leave, telling Captain Thoma, whose favour I had been so much prepos- that he should hear from him in a short time. sessed. He was a tall man, remarkably well He was no sooner gone than I asked a thoushaped, of a fine mien and appearance, com- sand questions about him of Don Antonio, manding respect, and seemed to be turned who could give me no other satisfaction than of forty; the features of his face were sad- that his name was Don Rodrigo, that he had dened with a reserve and gravity, which in lived fifteen or sixteen years in these parts, other countries would have been thought the was reputed rich, and supposed to have been effect of melancholy; but here appeared to unfortunate in his younger years, because lihe have been contracted by his commerce with was observed to nourish a pensive melanthe Spaniards, who are remarkable for that choly, even firom the time of his first settleseverity of countenance. Understanding ment among them; but that nobody had venfrom Don Antonio that we were his country- tured to inquire into the cause of his sorrow, men, he saluted us all round very complai- in consideration of his peace, which might santly, and, fixing his eyes very attentively suffer in the recapitulation of his misfortunes. on me, uttered a deep sigh. I had been I was seized with an irresistible desire of struck with a profound veneration for him at knowing the particulars of his fate, and enhis first coming into the room; and no joyed not one hour of repose during the sooner observed this expression of his sorrow whole night, by reason of the eager concepdirected, as it were, in a particular manner tions that inspired me with regard to his to me, than my heart took part in his grief; story, which I resolved (if possible) to learn. I sympathized involuntarily, and sighed in Next morning, while we were at breakfast, my turn. Having asked leave of our enter- three mules richly comparisoned arrived with tainer, he accosted us in English, professed a message from Don Rodrigo, desiring our his satisfaction at seeing so many of his company, and that of Don Antonio, at his countrymen in such a remote place, and house, which was situated about ten miles asked the captain, who went by the name of further up in the country. I was pleased Signor Thoma, from what part of Britain he with this invitation, in consequence of which had sailed, and whither he was bound. My we mounted the mules which he had provided uncle told him that we had sailed from the for us, and alighted at his house before noon. river Thames, and were bound to the same Here we were splendidly entertained by the place by the way of Jamaica, where we in- generous stranger, who still seemed to shoxw tended to take in a lading of sugar. a particular regard for me, and after dinner Having satisfied himself in these and other made me a present of a ring set with a beauparticulars about the state of the war, he tiful amethyst, the production of that coungave us to understand, that he had a longing try, saying, at the same time, that he was desire to revisit his native country, in con- once blessed with a son, who, had he lived, sequence of which he had already transmitted would have been nearly of my age. This to Europe the greatest part of his fortune in observation, delivered with a profound sigh0, 200 SSM4OLLETT'S SELECT WORKS. made my heart throb with violence; a crowd that I fell sick, fevered, and in less than three of confused ideas rushed upon my imagina- hours became quite delirious; so that the tion, which, while I endeavoured to unravel, preparations were countermanded, and the my uncle, perceiving my absence of thought, joy of the family converted into grief and and tapping me on the shoulder said, " Oons, despair. Physicians were instantly called, I are you asleep, Rory?" Before I had time was plentifully blooded in the foot, my lower to reply, Don Rodrigo, with uncommon eager- extremities were bathed in a decoction of ness of voice and look, pronounced, " Pray, salutiferous herbs: in ten hours after I was captain, what is the young gentleman's taken ill, I enjoyeda critical sweat, and next name " " HIis name," said my uncle, "is day felt no remains of the distemper, but an Roderick Random." " Gracious powers!" agreeable lassitude, which did not hinder me cried the stranger, starting up-" and his from getting up. During the progress of mother's?" " His mother," answered the this fever, which, from the term of its duracaptain amazed, "was called Charlotte Bow- tion, is called ephemera, my father never ling." "O bounteous heaven!" exclaimed once quitted my bedside, but administered Don Rodrigo, springing across the table, and the.prescriptions of the physicians with the clasping me in his arms, "my son! my son! most pious care; while Captain Bowling have I found thee again 3 do I hold thee in manifested his concern by the like attendance. my embrace, after having lost and despaired I no sooner found myself delivered from the of seeing thee so long 3" So saying, he fell disease, than I bethought myself of my honest upon my neck, and wept aloud for joy; while friend Strap; and resolving to make him the power of nature operating strongly in my happy forthwith in the knowledge of my breast, I was lost in rapture, and while he good fortune, told my father, in general, that pressed me to'his heart, let fall a shower of I had been infinitely obliged to this faithfill tears into his bosom. His utterance was adherent, and begged he would indulge me choked up a good while by the agitation of so far as to send for him, withoutletting him his soul; at length he broke out into, "Mys- know my happiness, until he could receive an terious Providence! 0 my dear Charlotte, account of it from my own mouth. there yet remains a pledge of our love! and My:request was instantly complied with, such a pledge! —sofound! Oinfinitegood- and a messenger with a spare mule desness, let me adore thy all wvie decrees!" patched to the ship, carrying orders from the Having thus expressed himself, he kneeled captain to the mate, to send the steward by upon the floor, lifted up his eyes and hands the bearer. My health being, in the mean to heaven, and remained some minutes in a time, re-established, and my mind composed, silent ecstasy of devotion. I put myself in I began to relish this important turn of my the same posture, adored the all good Dis- fortune, in;reflecting upon the advantages poser in a prayer of mental thanksgiving; with which it must be attended; and, as the and, when his ejaculation was ended, did idea of my lovely Narcissa always joined homage to my father, and craved his pater- itself to every scene of happiness I could nal blessing. He hugged me again with imagine, I entertained myself now with the unutterable fondness, and, having implored prospect of possessing her in that distinthe protection of heaven upon my head, guished sphere to which she was entitled by raised me from the ground, and presented her birth and qualifications. Having often me as his son to the company, who wept in mentioned her name while I was deprived concert over this affecting scene. Among of my senses, my father guessed that there the rest, my uncle did not fail to discover the was an intimate connexion between us, and goodness and joy of his heart. Albeit, unused discovering the picture that hung in my boto the melting mood, he blubbered with great som by a riband, did not doubt that it was tenderness, and wringing my father's hand, the resemblance of my amiable mistress. In cried, " Brother Random, I'm rejoiced to see this belief he was confirmed by my uncle, you-God be praised forthis happymeeting!" who told him that it was the picture of a Don Rodrigo, understanding that he was his young woman, to whom I was under promise brother-in-law, embraced him affectionately, of marriage. Alarmed at this piece of inforsaying, "Are you my Charlotte's brother 3 mation, Don Rodrigo took the first opportuAlas! unhappy Charlotte! but why should I nity of questioning me about the particulars repine? we shall meet again, never more to of this affair, which when I had candidly part! Brother, youare trulywelcome. Dear accounted, he approved of my passion, and son, I am transported with unspeakable joy! promised to contribute all in his power toThis day is a jubilee-my friends and servants wards its success. Though I never doubted shall share my satisfaction." his generosity, I was transported on this'While he despatched messengers to the occasion, and, throwing myself at his feet, gentlemen in the neighbourhood, to announce told him he had now completed my happi. this event, and gave orders for a grand en- ness, for, without the possession of Narcissa, tertainment, I was so much affected with the: I should be miserable among all the pleasures tumults of passion, which assailed me on of life. He raised me with a smile of paterthis great, sudden, and-unexpected occasion, nal fondness; said, he knew what it was to ADVENTURES OF RODERICK RANDOM. 201 be in love; and observed, that, if he had religion, it was not in his power to make my been as tenderly beloved by his father as I fortune any other way than by encouraging was by mine, he should not now perhaps have me to trade, which I had not long prosecuted cause here he was interrupted by a sigh, when my patron died, and I found myself in the tear rushed into his eye, he suppressed the midst of strangers, without one friend to the dictates of his grief, and, the time being support or protect me. Urged by this conopportune, desired me to relate the passages sideration, I sold my effects, and removed to of my life, which my uncle had told him were this country, the governor of which, having manifold and surprising. I recounted the been appointed by the viceroy, was my intimost material circumstances of my fortune, mate acquaintance. Iere has heaven prosto which he listened with wonder and atten- pered my endeavours during a residence of tion, manifesting from time to time those sixteen years, in which my tranquillity was different emotions which my different situ- never invaded but by the remembrance of ations may be supposed to have raised in a your mother, whose death I have in secret parent's breast; and, when my detail was mourned without ceasing, and the reflection ended, blessed God for'the adversity I had of you, whose fate I could never learn, notundergone, which, he said, enlarged the un- withstanding all my inquiries by means of derstanding, improved the heart, steeled the my friends in France, who, after the most constitution, and qualified a young man for strict examination, could give me no other all the duties and enjoyments of life much account than that you went abroad six years better than any education which affluence ago, and was never after heard of. I could could bestow. not rest satisfied with this imperfect inforWhen I had thus satisfied his curiosity, I mation, and, though my hope of finding you discovered an inclination to hear the parti- was but languid, resolved to go in quest of culars of his story, which he gratified by be- you in person; for which purpose I have reginning with his marriage, and proceeded to mitted to Holland the value of twenty thouthe day of his disappearing, as I have related sand pounds, and am in possession of fifteen in the first part of my memoirs. " Careless thousand more, with which I intended to of life," continued he, " and unable to live in embark myself on board of Captain Bowling, a place where every object recalled the mem- before I discovered this amazing stroke of ory of my dear Charlotte, whom I had lost Providence, which, you may be sure, has not through the barbarity of an unnatural parent, altered my intention." I took my leave of you, my child, then an My father, having entertained us with this infant, with a heart full of unutterable wo, agreeable sketch of his life, withdrew in order but little suspecting that my father's unkind- to relieve Don Antonio, who, in his absence, ness would have descended to my innocent had done the honours of his house: and I orphan; and, setting out alone at midnight was just dressed for my appearance among for the nearest seaport, early next morning the guests, when Strap arrived from the ship. got on board a ship, bound, as I had heard, He no sooner entered the grand apartment for France; and, bargaining with the master in which I was, and saw the magnificence of for my passage, bade a. long adieu to my my apparel, than his speech was lost in native country, and put to sea with the first amazement, and he gaped in silence at the fair wind. The place of our destination was objects that surrounded him. I took him by Granville, but we had the misfortune to run the hand, observed that I had sent for him to upon a ridge of rocks near the island of Al- be a witness and sharer of my happiness, and derney, called the Caskets, where, the sea told him I had found a father. At these running high, the ship went to pieces, the words he started, and, after having continued boat sunk alongside, and every soul on board some minutes with his mouth and eyes wide perished, except myself, who, by the assist- open, cried, "Ah — odd, I know what!ance of a grating, got on the coast of Nor- go thy ways, poor Narcissa, and go thy mandy. I went directly to Caen, where I ways, somebody else-well — Lord, what was so lucky as to meet with a count, whom a thing is love! God help us! are all our I had formerly known in my travels: with mad pranks and protestations come to this'l this gentleman I set out for Paris, where I and have you fixed your habitation in this was recommended by him and other friends distant land? God prosper you-I find we as tutor to a young nobleman, whom I ac- must part at last-for I would not leave my companied to the court of Spain. There we poor carcass so far from my native home for remained a whole year, at the end of which, all the wealth of the universe!" With these my pupil being recalled by his father, I quit- ejaculations, he began to sob and nlake wry ted my office, and stayed behind, by the advice faces; upon which I assured him of his misof a certain Spanish grandee, who took me take, both in regard to Narcissa and my into his protection, and introduced me to staying in Paraguay, and informed him as another nobleman, who was afterwards cre- briefly as I could of the great event that had ated viceroy of Peru. He insisted upon happened. Never was rapture more ludimy attending him to his government in the crously expressed than in the behaviour of Indies, where, however, by reason of my this worthy creature, who cried, laughed, 4 T* 202 SMOLLETT'S SELECT WFORKS. whistled, sung, and danced, all in a breath. glad to see me; he felt all that the most His transport was scarce over, when my sensible and disinterested friendship could father entered, who no sooner understood feel on this occasion; introduced me to his that this was Strap, than he took him by the wife, a very amiable young lady, who had hand, saying, "Is this the honest man who already blessed him with two fine children; befriended you so much in your distress? and, being as yet ignorant of my circurnYou are welcome to my house, and I will stances, frankly offered me the assistance of soon put it in the power of my son to reward his purse and interest. I thanked him for you for your good offices in his'behalf; in his generous intention, and made him ac the mean time go with us, and partake of quainted with my situation, on which he the repast that is provided." Strap, wild as congratulated me with great joy, and, after he was with joy, would by no means accept I had stayed with him a whole day and night, of the proffered honour, crying, "God forbid! accompanied me back to Kingston, to wait I know my distance —your worship shall ex- upon my father, whom he invited to his cuse me." And Don Rodrigo, finding his house. Don Rodrigo complied with his remodesty invincible, recommended him to his quest, and, having been handsomely entermajor-domo, to be treated with the utmost tained during the space of a week, returned, respect; while he carried me into a large extremely well satisfied with the behaviour saloon, where I was presented to a numerous of my friend and his lady, to whom, at partcompany, who loaded me with compliments ing, he presented a very valuable diamond and caresses, and congratulated my father in' ring, as a token of his esteem. During the terms not proper for me to repeat. course of my conversation with Mr Thomson, Without specifying the particulars of our he gave me to understand, that his and my entertainment, let it suffice to say, it was old commander, Captain Oakum, was dead at the same time elegant and sumptuous, some months; and that, immediately after and the rejoicings lasted two days: after his death, a discovery had been made of some which Don Rodrigo settled his affairs, con- valuable effects that he had feloniously severted his effects into silver and gold, creted out of a prize, by the assistance of visited and took leave of all his friends, who Dr Mackshane, who was now actually in were grieved at his departure, and honoured prison on that account, and, being destitute me with considerable presents; and coming of friends, subsisted solely on the charity of on board of my uncle's ship, with the first nmy friend, whose bounty he.had implored in fair wind we sailed from the Rio de la Plata, the most abject manner, after having been and in two months came safe to an anchor the barbarous occasion of driving him to that in the harbour of Kingston, in the island terrible extremity on board of the Thunder, of Jamaica. which we have formerly related. Whatsoever this wretch might have been guilty of, I applauded Mr Thomson's generosity toCHAPTER LXVII. wards him in his distress, which wrought so much upon me also, that I sent him ten _I visit my old friend Thomson-we set sail pistoles, in such a private manner that he for Europe-meet with an odd adventure could never know his benefactor. -arrive in England-I ride across the While my father and I were caressed country from Portsmouth to Sussex- among the gentlemen on shore, Captain converse with Mrs Sagely, who informs Bowling had written to his owners by the me of ANarcissa's being in London-in packet, which sailed a few days after our consequence of this intelligence I pro- arrival, signifying his prosperous voyage ceed to Canterbury-meet with my old hitherto, and desiring them to insure his friend Morgan —arrive at London —visit ship and cargo homeward-bound; after which Narcissa —introduce my father to her- precaution he applied himself so heartily to he is charmed with her good sense and the task of loading his ship, that, with the beauty-we come to a determination of assistance of Mr Thomson, she was full in demanding her brother's consent to our less than six weeks. This kind gentleman marrzage. likewise procured for Don Rodrigo bills upon London for the greatest part of his gold and [ INQUIRED, as soon as I got ashore, about silver, by which means it was secured against my generous companion Mr Thomson; and the risk of the seas and the enemy; and, nearing that he lived in a flourishing condi- before we sailed, supplied us with such large tion upon the estate left him by his wife's quantities of all kinds of stock, that not only father, who had been dead some years, I took we, but the ship's company, fared sumptuhorse immediately, with the consent of Don ously during the voyage. Rodrigo, who had heard me mention him Every thing being ready, we took our leave with great regard, and in a few hours reached of our kind entertainers, and, going on board the place of his habitation. at Port Royal, set sail for England on the I should much wrong the delicacy of Mr first day of June. We beat up to windward, Thomson's sentiments, to say barely he was with fine easy weather; and one night, believ ADVENTURES OF RODERICK RANDOhM. 203 ing outrselves near Cape Tiberoon, lay too, after made the Lizard. It is impossible to with an intention to wvood and water next express the joy I felt at the sight of English morning in the bay. WThile we remained in ground. Don Rodrigo was not unnmoved, this situation, a sailor, having drank more and Strap shed tears of gladness. The sailnew rum than he could carry, staggered ors profited by our satisfaction, the shoe that overboard, and, notwithstanding all the means was nailed to the mast being quite filled with that could be used to preserve him, went to our liberality. My uncle resolved to run up the bottom and disappeared. About two into the Downs at once; but the wind shifthours after this melancholy accident hap- ing when we were abreast of the isle of pened, as I enjoyed the cool air on the Wight, he was obliged to turn into St Hlequarter deck, I heard a voice rising, as it len's, and come to Spithead, to the great were, out of the sea, and calling, —" ho, the mortification of the crew, thirty of whom ship, ahoy!" Upon which one of the men were immediately pressed on board of a man upon the forecastle cried, —" I'll be damn'd of war. if that an't Jack 2M5arlinspike, who went over- My father and I went ashore immediately board!" Not a little surprised at this event, at Portsmouth, leaving Strap with the captain I jumped into the boat that lay along-side, to go round with the ship and take care of with the second mate and four men, and, our effects; and I discovered so much imparowing towards the place from whence the tience to see my charming Narcissa, that my voice (which repealed the hail) seemed to father permitted me to ride across the counproceed, we perceived something floating try to her brother's house, while he should upon the water; when we had rowed a little hire a post-chaise for London, where he farther, we discerned it to be a man riding would wait for me at a place to which I diupon a hencoop, who, seeing us approach, rected him. pronounced with a hoarse voice, —" damn Fired with all the eagerness of passion, I your bloods! why did you not answer when took post that very night, and in the mornI hailed I" Our mate, who was a veritable ing reached an inn, about three miles fi'rom seaman, hearing this salute, said,-" By G-, the squire's habitation; where I remained my lads, this is none of our man: this is the till evening, allaying the torture of my imdevil —pull away for the ship." The fellows patience with the rapturous hope of seeing obeyed his command, without question, and that divine creature, after an absence of were already some fathoms on our return, eighteen months, which, far from impairing, when I insisted on their taking up the poor had raised my love to the most exalted pitch. creature, and prevailed upon them to go back Neither were my reflections free from appreto the wreck, which when we came near the hensions, that sometimes intervened in spite second time, and signified our intention, we of all my hope, and represented her as havyreceived an answer of-"Avast, avast,-what ing yielded to the importunity of her brother, ship, brother l" Being satisfied in this par- and blessed the arms of a happy rival. My ticular, he cried, —" Damn the ship! I was in thoughts were even maddened with the fear hopes it had been my own-where are you of her death; and when I arrived in the dark bound l" We satisfied his curiosity in this at the house of Mrs Sagely, I had not for particular too: upon which he suffered him- some time courage to desire admittance, lest self to be taken on board, and after having my soul should be shocked with dismal tibeen comforted with a dram, told us he be- dings. At length, however, 1 knocked, and longed to the Vesuvio man of war, upon a no sooner certified the good gentlewoman of cruise off the island of Hispaniola; that he my voice, than she opened the door, and rehad fallen overboard about four-and-twenty ceived me with a most affectionate embrace, hours ago, and the ship being under sail, that brought tears into her aged eyes. "For they did not choose to bring too, but tossed heaven's sake! dear mother," cried I, "tell a hencoop overboard for his convenience, me how is Narcissal is she the same that I upon which he was in good hopes of reach- left her I" She blessed my ears with saying, ing the cape next morning; howsomever, he -'" she is as beautiful, in as good health, and was as well content to be aboard of us, be- as much yours as ever." Transported at this cause lie did not doubt that we should meet assurance, I begged to know if I could not his ship; and, if he had gone ashore in the see her that very night; when this sage bay, he might have been taken prisoner by matron gave me to understand that my misthe French. My uncle and father were very tress was in London, and that things were much diverted with the account of this fellow's strangely altered in the squire's house since unconcerned behaviour; and, in two days, my departure; that he had been married a meeting with the Vesuvio, as he expected, whole year to 2Mlelinda, who at first found sent him on board of her, according to his means to wean his attention so much from desire. -a.rcissa, that he became quite careless of: Having beat up successfully the windward that lovely sister, comforting himself with passage, we stretched to the northward, and, the clause in his father's will, by which she falling in with a westerly wind, in eight would forfeit her fortune by marrying without weeks arrived in soundings, and in two days his consent; that my mistress, being but in 20 4 SMOLLETT'S SELECT WORKS. differently treated by her sister-in-law, had her with the same sum annually, for the made use of her freedom some months ago, more comfortable support of the infirmities and gone to town, where she was lodging of old age. with Miss Williams, in expectation of my Having rode all night, I found myself at arrival; and had been pestered with the Canterbury in the morning, where I aliohlted addresses of Lord Quiverwit, who, findinog to procure fresh horses; and, as I walked her heart engaged, had fallen upon a great into the inn, perceived an apothecary's shop many shifts to persuade her that I was dead; on the other side of the street, with the but finding all his artifices unsuccessful, and name of Morgan over the door. Alarmed despairing of gaining her affection, he had at this discovery, I could not help thillki>ng consoled himself for her indifference by that my old messmate had settled in lthis mairrying another lady some weeks ago, who place; and, upon inquiry, found my conjechad already left him on account of some ture true, and that he was married lately family uneasiness. Besides this interesting to a widow in that city, by whom he had information, she told me, that there was not got three thousand pounds. Rejoiced at a great deal of harmony between Melinda this intelligence, I went to his shop as soon and the squire, who was so much disgusted as it was open, and found my friend beat the number of gallants who continued to hind the counter, busy in preparing a glyshover about her even after marriage, that he ter. I saluted him at entrance with — had hurried her down into the country much " Your servant, Mr 2L drgan." Upon which against her own inclination, where their mu- he looked at me, and replying, — " Your tual animosities had arisen to such a height, most humble servant, goot sir," rubbed his that they preserved no decency before com- ingredients in the mortar, without any emopany or servants, but abused one another in tion. " What!" said I, " Morgan, have the grossest terms. you forgot your old messmate l" At these This good old gentlewoman, to give me a words, he looked up again, and starting, convincing proof of my dear Narcissa's un- cried, —" As Cot is my-sure it cannotalterable love, gratified me with a sight of yes, by my salfation, I pelieve it is my the last letter-she had favoured her with, in dear friend Mr Rantom." He was no which I was mentioned with so much honour, sooner convinced of my identity, than he tenderness and concern, that my soul was threw down the pestle, overset the morfired with impatience, and I determined to Itar, and, jumping over the board, swept up ride all night, that I might have it the sooner the contents with his clothes, flew about in my power to make her happy. Mrs my neck, hugged me affectionately, and Sagely perceiving my eagerness, and her daubed Ime all over with turpentine and maternal affection being equally divided be- the yolk of eggs, which he had been mi.xtween Narcissa and me, begged leave to ing when I came in. Our mutual conremind me of the sentiments with which I gratulations being over, lie told me, that went abroad, that would not permit me for he found himself a Nwidower upon his reany selfish gratification to prejudice the for- turn from the?W~est Indies: that lie had tune of that amiable young lady, who must got interest to be appointed surgeon of a entirely depend upon me, after having be- man of war, in which capacity he had stowed herself in marriage. I thanked her served some years, until he married an apofor her kind concern, and as briefly as thecary's widow, with whom he now enpossible described my flourishing situation, joyed a pretty good sum of money, peace which afforded this humane person infinite and quiet, and an indifferent good trade. wonder and satisfaction. I told her, that, He was very desirous of hearing my adnow I had an opportunity to manifest my ventures, which I assured him I had not gratitude for the obligations I owed, I would time to relate, but told him in general, my endeavour to make her old age comfortable circumstances were very good, and that I and easy; as a step to which, I proposed she hoped to see him when I should not be should come and live with Narcissa and me. in such a hurry as at present. He insistThis venerable gentlewoman was so much ed, however, on my staying breakfast, and affected with my words, that the tears ran introduced me to his wife, who seemed to down her ancient cheeks; she thanked hea- be a decent, sensible woman, pretty well yen that I had not belied the presages she stricken in years. In the course of our had made on her first acquaintance with me; conversation, he showed the sleeve buttons aclknowledging my generosity, as she called I had exchanged with him at our partinl it, in the most elegant and pathetic express- in the West Indies, and was not a little ions; but declined my proposal, on account proud to see that I had preserved his with of her attachment to the dear melancholy the same care. lhen I informed him of cottage where she had so peacefully con- Mackshane's condition, he seemed at first surned her solitary widowhood. Finding her to exult over his distress, but, after a little immovable on this subject, I insisted on her recollection, said,-"- well, he has paid for accepting a present of thirty guineas, and his malice; I forgife him, and may Cot for-,ook my leave, resolving to accommnodate gife him likewise." He expressed great ADVENTURES OF RODERICK RANDOM. 205 concern for the soul of Captain Oakum, unutterable rapture possessed us both, while which he believed was now gnashing its we flew into each other's arms! This was teeth; but it was some time before I could no time for speech,-locked in a mutual convince him of Thomson's being alive, at embrace, we continued some minutes in a whose good fortune, nevertheless, he was silent trance ofjoy.-When I thus encircled extremely glad. all that my soul held dear,-while I hung Having renewed our protestations of over her beauties,-beheld her eyes sparkle, friendship, I bade the honest Welchman and and every feature flush with virtuous fondhis spouse farewell, and taking post horses, ness; when I saw her enchanting bosomn arrived at London that same night, where heave with undissembled rapture, and knew I found my father in good health, to whom myself the happy cause-Heavens! what I imparted what I had learned of Narcissa. was my situation! I am tempted to commit This indulgent parent approved of my inten- my paper to the flames, and to renounce my tion of marrying her, even without a for- pen for ever, because its most ardent and tune, provided her brother's consent could lucky expression so poorly describes the not be obtained; promised to make over to emotions of my soul. " O adorable Narcisme in a few days a sufficiency to maintain sa!" cried I, " O miracle of beauty, love, her in a fashionable manner; and expressed and truth! I at last fold thee in my arms! a desire of seeing this amiable creature, who I at last can call thee mine! No jealous had captivated me so much. brother shall thwart our happiness again; As I had not slept the night before, and fortune hath at length recompensed me for was besides fatigued with my journey, I all my sufferings, and enabled me to do jusfound myself under a necessity of taking tice to my love." The dear creature smiled some repose, and went to bed accordingly; ineffably charming, and, with a look of benext morning, about ten o'clock, I took a witching tenderness, said,-"-'And shall we chair, and, according to Mrs Sagely's direc-;never part again?" "' Never!" I replied, tions, went to my charmer's lodgings, and |" thou wondrous pattern of all earthly perinquired for Miss W~illiams. I had not waited fection! never, until death shall divide us! in the parlour longer than a minute, when By this ambrosial liss, a thousand times this young woman entered, and no sooner more fraogrant than the breeze that sweeps perceived me, than she shrieked and ran the orange grove, I never more will leave backward; but I got between her and the thee." door, and, clasping her in my arms, brought As my first transport abated, my passion her to herself with an embrace. " Good grew turbulent and unruly. I was giddy heaven!" cried she, "4 Mr Random, is it you with standing on the brink of bliss, and all indeed! my mistress will run distracted with my virtue and philosophy were scarce sufi1joy." I told her, it was from an apprehen- cient to restrain the inordinate sallies of desion that my sudden appearance might have sire. Narcissa perceived the conflict within some bad effect on my dear Narcissa, that I me, and, with her usual dignity of prudence, had desired to see her first, in order to con- called off my imagination from the object in cert some method of acquainting her mis- view, and, with eager expressions of intertress gradually with my arrival. She ested curiosity, desired to know the particuapproved of rnm conduct, and, after having lars of my voyage. In this I gratified her yielded to the suggestions of her own friend- inclination, bringing my story down to the ship, in asking if my voyage had been suc- present hour. She was infinitely surprised cessful, charged herself with that office, and at the circumstance of my finding my father, left me glowing with desire of seeing and which brought tears into her lovely eyes. rembracing the object of my love. In a very She was transported at hearing that he aplittle time I heard somebody coming down proved my flame, discovered a longing desire stairs in haste, and the voice of my angel of being introduced to him, congraitulated pronounce, with an eager tone,-" O hea- herself and me upon my good fortune, and yen! is it possible! where is he?" How observed that this great and unexpected were my faculties aroused at this well-known stroke of fate seemed to have been brought sound! and how was my soul transported, about by the immediate direction of Proviwhen she broke in upon my view, in all the dence. Having entertained ourselves solme bloom of ripened beauty! Grace was in all hours with the genuine effusions of our souls, her steps, heaven in her eye, in every ges- I obtained her consent to complete my hapture dignity and love!-You whose souls piness as soon as my father should judge it are susceptible of the most delicate impress- proper, and applying with my own hands a ions, whose tender bosoms have felt the valuable necklace, composed of diamonds affecting vicissitudes of love, who have suf- and amethysts set alternately, which an old fered an absence of eighteen long months Spanish lady at Paraguay had presented me from the dear object of your hope, and found with, I took my leave, promising to return at your return the melting fair, as kind and in the afternoon with Don Rodrigo. When as constant as your heart could wish, do me I went home, this generous parent inquired justice on this occasion, and conceive what very affectionately about the health of loly 63 206 SMOLLETT'S SELECT WORKS. dear Narcissa, to whom that I might be the esteem, which I the more freely receive, bemore agreeable, he put into my hand a deed, cause I already look upon Mr Random's by whioh I found myself in possession of interest as inseparably connected with mine." fifteen thousand pounds, exclusive of the He was extremely well pleased with her profits of my own merchandise, which frank and ingenuous reply; upon which we amounted to three thousand more. After saluted, and wished her good night. The dinner I accompanied him to the lodging of letter, at my request, was dispatched to Susmy mistress, who, being dressed for the oc- sex by an express, and in the mean time, casion, made a most dazzling appearance. I Don Rodrigo, to grace my nuptials, hired a could perceive him struck with her figure, ready furnished house, and set up a very which I really think was the most beautiful handsome equipage. that ever was created under the sun. He Though I passed the greatest part of tile embraced her tenderly, and told her, he was day with the darling of my soul, I found leiproud of having a son who had spirit to at- sure sometimes to be among my former actempt, and qualifications to engage the affec- quaintance, who were astonished at the magtions of such a fine lady. She blushed at nificence of my appearance. Banter, in this compliment, and with eyes full of the particular, was confounded at the strange softest languishment turned upon me, said, vicissitudes of my fortune, the causes of she should have been unworthy of Mr Ran- which he endeavoured in vain to discover, dom's attention, had she been blind to his until I thought fit to disclose the whole secret extraordinary merit. I made no other an- of my last voyage, partly in consideration swer than a low bow. My father, sighing, of our former intimacy, and partly to prepronounced, —; Such once was my Char- vent unfavourable conjectures, which he and lotte!" while the tear rushed into his eye, others, in all probability, would have made and the tender heart of Narcissa manifested in regard to my circumstances. He proitself in two precious drops of sympathy, fessed great satisfaction at this piece of which, but for his presence, I would have news, and I had no cause to believe him inkissed away. Without repeating the par- sincere, when I considered that he would ticulars of our conversation, I shall only ob- now look upon himself as acquitted of the serve, that Don Rodrigo was as much debt he owed me, and at the same time flatcharmed with her good sense as with her ter himself with hopes of borrowing more. appearance; and she was no less pleased I carried him home to dinner with me, and -wiith his understanding and polite address. my father liked his conversation so much, It was determined that he should write to that, upon hearing his difficulties, he desired the squire, signifying his approbation of my me to accommodate him for the present, passion for his sister, and offering a settle- and inquire if lie would accept of a comment which he should have no reason to mission in the army, towards the purchase'eject: and that, if he should refuse the pro- of which he would willingly lend him money. posal, we would crown our mutual wishes Accordingly, I gave my friend an opportunity without any farther regard to his will. of being alone with me, when, as I expected, he told me that he was just on the point of being reconciled to an old rich uncle, whose CHAPTER LXVIII. heir he was, but wanted a fetv pieces for immediate expense, which he desired I would M;ly father makes a present to Narcissa- lend him, and take his bond for the whole. the letter is dispatched to her brother- His demand was limitedto ten guineas; and I appear among my acquaintance-Ban- when I put twenty into his hand, he stared ter's behaviour-the squire refuses his at me for some moments; then putting it into consent-my uncle comes to town-ap- his purse, said, —"Ay,'tis all one,-you proves of my choice-I tem. married-we shall have the whole in a very short time." meet the squire and his lady at the play When I had taken his note, to save the ex-our acquaintance is courted. pense of a bond, I expressed some surprise that a fellow of his spirit should loiter away AFTER having spent the evening to the satis- his time' in idleness, and asked why he did f.lction of' all present, my father addressed not choose to make his fortune in the army. himself thus to Narcissa,-" Madam, give "What!" said he, "throw away my money me leave to consider you hereafter as my upon a subaltern's commission, to be under daughter, in which capacity I insist upon the command of a parcel of scoundrels, who your accepting this first instance of my pa- have raised themselves above me by the ternal duty and affection." With these most infamous practices l no, I love indewords he put into her hand a bank-note of pendency too well to sacrifice my life, health, J3500, which she no sooner examined, than, and pleasure, for such a pitifull consideration." with a low courtesy she replied,-" Dear sir, Finding him averse to this way of life, I hough I have not the least occasion for this changed the subject, and returned to Don supply, I have too great a veneration for you Rodrigo, who had just received the following to refilse this proof of your generosity and epistle from the squire. ADVENTURES OF RODERJCIC RANDOM. 207 "SIR, courteous behaviour, and insisted upon giving 6" Concerning a letter which I received, her away at the ceremony, swearing that he subscribed R. Random, this is the answer. loved her as well as if she was his own child, As for you, I know nothing of you. Your and that he would give two thousand guison, or pretended son, I have seen;- neas to the first fruit of our love as soon as it if he marries my sister, at his peril be it; I could squeak. Every thing being prepared do declare that he shall not have one far- for the solemnization of our nuptials, which thing of her fortune, which becomes my pro- were to be performed privately at my father's peaty, if she takes a husband without my house, the auspicious hour arrived, when consent. Your settlement I do believe is all Don Rodrigo and my uncle went in the coach a sham, and yourself no better than you to fetch the bride and Miss Williams; leavshould be; but if you had all the wealth of ing me with a parson, Banter, and Strap, the Indies, your son shall never match in our neither of whom had as yet seen my charmfamily with the consent of ing mistress. My faithful valet, who was on " ORSON TOPEHALL." the rack of Impatience to behold a lady of My father was not much surprised at this whom he had heard so much, no sooner polite letter, after having heard the charac- understood that the coach was returned, ter of the author; and as for me, I was even than he placed himself at a window to have pleased at his refusal, because I now had an a peep at her as she alighted; and when he opportunity of showing my disinterested saw her, clapped his hands together, tlrned love. By his permission I waited on my up the white of his eyes, and, with his mouth charmer; and, having imparted the contents wide open, remained in a sort of ecstasy, of her brother's letter, at which she wept which broke out into,-" 0 dea certe! quzabitterly, in spite of all my consolation and lis in Eurote ripis, aut per juga Cynthz caresses, the time of our marriage was fixed exercet Diana chorus!" The doctor and at the distance of two days. During this Banter were surprised to hear my man speak interval, in which my soul was wound up Latin; but when my fatherled Narcissa into to the last stretch of rapturous expectation, the room, the object of their admiration was Narcissa endeavoured to reconcile some of soon changed, as appeared in the counteher relations in town to her marriage with nances of both. Indeed, they must have been me; but, finding them all deaf to her remon- the most insensible of beings, could they have strances, either out of envy or prejudice, she beheld, without emotion, the divine creature told me, with the most enchanting sweet- that approached. She was dressed in a sack ness, while the tears bedewed her lovely of white satin, embroidered on the breast cheeks, —" sure the world will no longer with gold; the crown of her head was covered question your generosity, when you take a with a small French cap, from whence depoor fbrlorn beggar to your arms." Affected scended her beautiful hair in ringlets that with her sorrow, I pressed the fair mourner waved upon her snowy neck, which dignified to my breast, and swore that she was more the necklace I had given her; her looks dear and welcome on that account, because glowed with modesty and love; and her boshe had sacrificed her friends and fortune to som, through the veil of gauze that shaded her love for me. My uncle, for whose cha- it, afforded a prospect of Elysium. I reracter she had a great veneration, being by ceived this inestimable gift of Providence as this time come to town, I introduced him to became me; and in a little time the clergymy bride; and although he was not very man did his office, my uncle, at his own earmuch subject to refined sensations, he was nest request, acting the part of a father to struck dumb with admiration at her beauty. my dear Narcissa, who trembled very much, After having kissed and gazed at her for some and had scarce spirits sufficient to suppoit time, he turned to me, saying,-" Odds bobs, her under this great change of situation. Rory! here's a notable prize indeed, finely Soon as she was mine by the laws of heaven built and gloriously rigged, i'faith! if she and earth, I printed a burning kiss upon her an't well manned when you have the con- lips, my father embraced her tenderly, my mand of her, sirrah, you deserve to go to sea uncle hugged her with great affection, and I in a cockle shell. No offence, I hope, niece; presented her to my friend Banter, who sayou must not mind what I say, being (as the luted her in a very polite manner; Miss sayingis) a plain seafaring man, thof mayhap Williams hung round her neck and wept I have as much regard for you as another." plentifully; while Strap fell upon his knees, She received him with great civility, told and begged to kiss his lady's hand, which him she had longed a great while to see a she presented with great affability. I shall person to whom she was so much indebted not pretend to describe my own feelings at for his generosity to Mr Random; that she this juncture; let it suffice to say, that, after looked upon him as her uncle, by which name having supped and entertained ourselves till she begged leave to call him for the future; ten o'clock, I cautioned my Narcissa against and that she was very sure he could say exposing her health by sitting up too late, and nothing that would give her the least offence. she was prevailed upon to withdraw with her The honest captain was transported at her maid to an apartment destined for us. When 203 SMOLLETT'S SELECT WORKS. she left the room, her face was overspread surprised at seeing us. I was pleased at-: with a blush that set all my blood in a state this opportunity of confronting them; the of fermentation, and made every pulse beat more, because Melinda was robbed of all her with tenfold vigour. She was so cruel as to admirers by my wife, who happened that let me remain in this condition a full half night to outshine her sister both in beauty hour; when, no longer able to restrain my and dress. She was piqued at Naricissa's impatience, I broke from the company, burst victory, tossed her head a thousand different inito her chamber, pushed out her confidante, ways, flirted her fan, looked at us with dislocked the door, and found her —Oheaven and dain, then whispered to her husband, and earth!-a feast, a thousand times more deli- broke out into an affected giggle; but all cious than my most sanguine hope presaged! her arts proved ineffectual, either to discoem-but let me not profane the chaste mysteries pose Mrs Random, or to conceal her own of Hymen. I was the happiest of men! mortification, which at length forced her in the morning I was waked by three or away long before the play was done. The four drums, which Banter had placed under news of our marriage being spread, with the window; upon which I withdrew the many circumstances to our disadvantage by curtain, and enjoyed the unspeakable satis- the industry of this malignant creature, a faction of contemplating those angelic certain set of persons, fond of scandal, began charms, which were now in my possession! to inquire into the particulars of my fortune, Beauty! which, whether sleeping or awake, which they no sooner understood to be indeshot jorthpeculiargraces! The lightdart-' pendent, than the tables were turned, and. ing upon my Narcissa's eyes, she awoke also, our acquaintance was courted as much as it and, recollecting hersituation, hid herblushes had been despised before. But N8Tarcissa in my bosom. I was distracted with joy. had too much dignity of pride to encourage I could not believe the evidence of my senses, this change of conduct, especially in her reand looked upon all that had happened as lations, whom she could never be prevailed the fictions of a dream. In the meantime upon to see, after the malicious reports they my uncle knocked at the door, and bade me had raised to her prejudice. turn out, for I had had a long spell. I rose accordingly, and sent Miss Williams to her mistress, myself receiving the congratula- CGiRAPTER LXIX. tions of Captain Bowling, who rallied me in his. sea-phrase with great success. In less 3l1y father intends to revisit the place of than an hour, Don Rodrigo led my wife in his nativity-we propose to accompany to breakfast, where she received the compli- him —ny uncle renews his will in my faments of the company on her looks, which, vour, determining to go to sea again-we they said, if possible, were improved by set out for Scotland —arrive at Edinmnatrimony. As her delicate ears were of- burgh-purchase our paternal estate — fended with none of those indecent ambigui- proceed to it-halt at the town where 1 ties which are too often spoke on such occa- was educated-take up my bond to Crab sions, she behaved with dignity, unaffected -the behaviour of Potion and his wife, modesty, and ease; and, as a testimony of and one of my female cousins —our recepmy affection and esteem, I presented her, in tion at the estate —Stra p marries Mi1iss presence of them all, with a deed, by which Williams, and is settied by my father to I settled the whole fortune I was possessed his own satisfaction-I am Kmore and of on her and her heirs for ever. She ac- more happy. cepted it with a glance of the most tender acknowledgement, observed that she could MY father intending to revisit his native not be surprised at any thing of this kind I country, and pay the tribute of a few tears should do, and desired my father to take the at my mother's grave, Narcissa and -i retrouble of keeping it, saying,-" Next to my solved to accompany him in the execution own Mr Random, you are the person in whom of his pious office, and accordingly prepared I ought to have the greatest confidence." for the journey; in which, however, my Charmed with her prudent and ingenuous uncle would not engage, being resolved to mann.er of proceeding, he took the paper, and try his fortune once more at sea. In the assured her that it should not lose its value mean time, he renewed his will in fivour of while in his custody. my wife and me, and deposited it in the As we had not many visits to give and hands of his brother-in-law; while I (that I,receive, the little time we staid in town was might not be wanting to my own interest) spent in going to public diversions, where I summoned the squire to produce his father's have the vanity to think Narcissa seldom will at doctor's commons, and employed a was eclipsed. One night, in particular, we proctor to manage the affair in my absence, had sent our footman to keep one of the Every thing being thus settled, we took stage boxes, which we no sooner entered, leave of all our friends in London, and set than we perceived in the opposite box the out for Scotland, Don Rodrigo. Narcissa, squire and his lady, who seemed not a little Miss Williams and I, in the coach, and ADVENTURES OF RODERICK RANDOM. 209 Strap, with two men in livery, on horseback. about twenty miles from this place; and As we made easy stages, my charmer held when we came within half a league of the it out very well till we arrived at Edinburgh, house, were met by a prodigious number of where we proposed to rest ourselves some poor tenants, men, women and children, weeks. who testified their joy by loud acclamations, Here Don Rodrigo having intelligence that and accompanied our coach to the sate. the fox-hunter had spent his estate, which As there is no part of the world in w\hich was to be exposed to sale by public auction, the peasants are more attached to their lords he determined to make a purchase of the than in Scotland, we were almost devoured spot where he was born, and actually bought by their affection. My father had always all the lard that belonged to his father. been their favourite, and now that he apIn a fSw days after this bargain was made, peared their master, after having been we left Edinburgh, in order to go and take thought dead so long, their ioy broke out possession; and, by the way, halted one into a thousand extravagancies: when we night in that town where I was educated. entered the court-yard, we were surrounded Upon inquiry, I found that Mr Crab was by a vast number, who crowded together so dead i whereupon I sent for his executor, closely to see us, that several were in danpaid the sum I owed, with interest, and took ger of being squeezed to death; those who up my bond. Mr Potion and his wife hear- were near Don Rodrigo fell upon their knees ing of our arrival, had the assurance to come and kissed his hand, or the hem of his garto the inn where we lodged, and sent up ment, praying aloud fobr long life and prostheir names, with a desire of being permitted perity to him; others approached rTarcissa to pay their respects to my father and me; and me in the same manner; while the rest but their sordid behaviour towards me, when clapped their hands at a distance, and inI was an orphan, had made too deep an im- volked heaven to shower its choicest blesspression on my mind, to be effaced by this ings on our heads. In short, the whole mean mercenary piece of condescension; I scene, though rude, was so affectingo, that therefore rejected their message with disdain, the gentle partner of my heart wept over it, and bade Strap tell them, that my father and and my father himself could not refrain from I desired to have no communication with dropping a tear. such low-minded wretches as they were. Having, welcomed his daughter and me to They had not been gone half an hour, his house, he ordered some bullocks to be wllen a woman, without any ceremony, killed, and some hogsheads of ale to be oyened the door of the room where we sat, brought from the neighbouring village, to and, making towards my father, accosted him' regale these honest people, who had not enwvith, "- Uncle, your servant —I am glad to joyed such a holiday for many years before. see you." This was no other than one of Next day we were visited by the gentlemy female cousins, mentioned in the first men in the neighbourhood, most of them our part of my memoirs, to whom Don Rodrigo relations, one of whom brought along with replied,-" Pray, who are you, madam?" him my cousin the fox-hunter, who had stayed " 0!" cried she, "' my cousin Rory there at his house since he was obliged to leave his knows me very well. Don't you remember own. My father was generous enough to m1e, Rory l" "Yes, madam," said I, "for receive him kindly, and even promised to my own part, I shall never forget you. Sir, purchase for him a commission in the army, this is one of the young ladies who (as I for which he expressed great thankfulness formerly told you) treated me so humanely and joy. in my childhood." When I pronounced M1y charming Narcissa was universally these words, my father's resentment glowed admired and loved, for her beauty, affability in his visag'e, and he ordered her to be gone, and good sense; and so well pleased with with such a commanding aspect, that she the situation of the place, and the company retired in a fright, muttering curses as she round, that she has not, as yet, discovered went mdown stairs. NWe afterwards learned the least desire of changing her habitation. that she was married to an ensign, who had WVe had not been many days settled, when already spent all her fortune; and that her I prevailed upon my father to pay a visit to sister had bore a child to her mother's foot- the village where I had been at school. man, who is now her husband, and keeps a Here we were received by the principal petty ale-house in the country. inhabitants, who entertained us in the church, The fame of our flourishing condition hav- where Mr Syntax the schoolmaster (my ing arrived at this place before us, we got tyrant being dead) pronounced a Latin oranotice that the magistrates intended next tion in honour of our family. And none day to compliment us with the freedom of exerted themselves more than Strap's father their town upon which my father, consider- and relations, who looked upon the honest ing their complaisance in the right point of valet as the first gentleman of their race, view, ordered the horses to the coach early and honoured his benefactors accordingly. in the morning. Having received the homage of this place, We proceeded to our estate, which lay we retired, leaving forty pounds for the 4 U* 63* 210 SMOLLETT'S SELECT W~ORKS. benefit of the poor of the parish; and that same sum; so that they lived in great peace very night, Strap beinga little elevated with and plenty within half a mile of us, and the regard that had been shown to him, and daily put up prayers for our preservation. to me on his account, ventured to tell me, If there be such a thing as true happiness that he had a sneaking kindness for Miss on earth, I enjoy it. The impetuous transWilliams, and that, if his lady and I would ports of my passion are now settled and use our interest in his behalf, he did not mellowed into endearing fondness and trandoilbt that she would listen to his addresses. quillity of love, rooted by that intimate conSurprised at this proposal, I asked if he nexion and interchange of hearts, which knew the story of that unfortunate young nought but virtuous wedlock can produce. g'ntlewoman: upon which he replied - Fortune seems determined to make ample "Yes, yes, I know what you mean-she has amends for her former cruelty; for my procbeen unhappy, I grant you-but what of that? tor writes, that notwithstanding the clause I am convinced of her reformation, or else in my father-in-law's will, on which the you and my good lady would not treat her squire founds his claim, I shall certainly rewitli such respect-as for the censure of the cover my wife's fortune, in consequence of world, I value it not a fig's end-besides, a codicil annexed, which explains that clause, the world knows nothing of the matter." I and limits her restriction to the age of ninecommended his philosophy, and interested teen, after which she was at her own dispoNarcissa in his cause; who interceded so sal. I would have set out for London immeeffictually, that in a little time Miss Wil- diately after receiving this piece of intelliliams yielded her consent, and they were gence, but my dear angel has been qualmish married with the approbation of Don Rodrigo, of late, and begins to grow remarkably round whlo gave him five hundred pounds to stock in the waist; so that I cannot leave her ir e farm, and made him overseer of his estate. such an interesting situation, which I hope I;:[y generous bed-fillow gave her maid the will produce something to crown my felicity. END OF RODERICK RANDOM. ADVENTU1ES OF SR LAU7NCEAL(T GR ES BY TOBIAS SMOLLETT, M.D ADVENTUREES OF SIR LAUNC1 E LOT GlREAVESCHAPTER I. merchant ship in the iMediterranean trade for many years, and saved some money by In which certain personages of this de- dint of frugality and tra.ffic. Hle was an exlightful history are introduced to the cellent seamen, brave, active, friendly in his reader's acquaintance,. way, and scrupulously honest; but as little acquainted with the world as a sucking IT was on the great northern road from York child: whimsical, impatient, and so impetuto London, about the beginning of the month ous, that he could not help breaking in upon of October, and the hour of eight in the even- the conversation, whatever it might be, with ing, that four travellers were, by a violent repeated interruptions, that seemed to burst shiwcer of rain, driven for shelter into a little from him by involuntary impulse. When he public house on the side of the highway, dis- himself attempted to speak, he never finished tinguished by a sign which was said to ex- his period, but made such a number of abrupt hibit the figure of a black lion. The kitchen, transitions, that his discourse seemed to be in which they assembled, was the only room an unconnected series of unfinished senfor entertainment in the house, paved with tences, the meaning of which it was not easy red bricks, remarkably clean, furnished with to decypher. three or four Windsor chairs, adorned with His nephew, Tom Clark, was a young shining plates of pewter, and copper sauce- fellow, whose goodness of heart even the pans nicely scoured, that even dazzled the exercise of his profession had not been able eyes of the beholder; while a cheerful fire to corrupt. Before strangers he never ownof sea-coal blazed in the chimney. Three of ed himself an attorney without blushing, the travellers, who arrived on horseback, though he had no reason to blush for his own having seen their cattle properly accommoda- practice; for lie constantly refused to ented in the stable, agreed to pass the time, until gage in the cause of any client whose chathe weather should clear up, over a bowl of racter was equivocal, and was never known rumbo, which was accordingly prepared; but to act with such industry as when concerned the fourth, refusing to join their company, for the widow and orphan, or any other obtook his station at the opposite side of the ject that sued in forma pauperis. Indeed chimney, and called for a pint of twopenny, he was so replete with human kindness, that with which he indulged himself apart. At a as often as an a ffectino story or circumstance little distance, on his left hand, there was was told in his hearing, it overflowed at his another group, consisting of the landlady, a eyes. Being of a warm complexion, he was decent widow, her two daughters, the elder very susceptible of passion, and somewhat of whom seemed to he about the age of fif- libertine in his amours. In other respects, teen, and a country lad, who served both as he piqued himnself on nnderstaLnding the waiter and ostler. practice of the courts, and iin p?'ivat.e compaThe social triumvirate was composed of ny he took pleasure in laying down the law Mr Fillet, a country practitioner in surgery but lie was an in diafblrent oralior, and tedi and midwifery, Captain Crowe, and his ously circurntantial in his ex lanations. nephew Mr Thomas Clarke, an attorney. His stature was'rather diminutive but, upon Fillet was a man of some education, and a the whole, he lhad si-ne title to the characgreat deal of experience, shrewd, sly, and ter of a pr-etyt daapper little fe!low. sensible. Captain Crowe had commanded a The solitarlv guest had something very 213 214 SMOLLETT'S SELECT WORKS. forbidding in his aspect, which was contract- assured him, that, if his bottom was damaed by an habitual flown. His eyes were ged, he would new pay it with an excellent small and red, and so deep set in the sockets, salve, which he always carried about him, to that each appeared like the unextinguished guard against such accidents on the road; snuff of a farthing candle, gleaming through but Tom Clarke, who seemed to have cast the horn of a dark lanthorn. His nostrils the eyes of affection upon the landlady's were elevated in scorn, as if his sense of eldest daughter, Dolly, objected to their smelling had been perpetually offended by proceeding farther without rest and refresh-. some unsavoury odour: and he looked as if ment, as they had already travelled fifty he wanted to shrink within himself from the miles since morning; and he was sure his impertinence of society. He wore a black uncle must be fatigued both in mind and perIwig, as straight as the pinions of a raven, body, from vexation, as well as from hard and this was covered with a hat flapped, and exercise, to which he had not been accusfastened to his head by a speckled handker- tomed. Fillet then desisted, saying, he was chief tied under his chin. He was wrap- sorry to find the captain had any cause of ped in a great-coat of brown frieze, under vexation; but he hoped it was not an incuwhich he seemed to conceal a small bundle. rable evil. This expression was accompaHis name was Ferret, and his character dis- nied with a look of curiosity, which Mr tinguished by three peculiarities. He was Clarke was glad of an occasion to gratify; never seen to smile, he was never heard to for, as we have hinted above, he was a very speak in praise of any person whatsoever, communicative gentleman, and the affair and he was never known to give a direct which now lay upon his stomach interested answer to any question that was asked, but him nearly. seemed, on all occasions, to be actuated by " I'11 assure you, sir," said he, " this here the most perverse spirit of contradiction. gentleman, Captain Crowe, who is my moeCaptain Crowe, having remarked that it ther's own brother, has been cruelly used was squally weather, asked how far it was by some of his relations. He bears as good to the next market-town: and understanding a character as any captain of a ship on the that the distance was not less than six miles, Royal Exchange, anld has undergone a varisaid he had a good mind to come to an an- ety of hardships at sea. What d'ye think, chor for the night, if so be as he could have now, of his bursting all his sinews, and maa tolerable berth in this here harbour. Mr king his eyes start out of his head, in pulling Fillet, perceiving by his style that he was a his ship off a rock, whereby he saved to his seafaring gentleman, observed that their owners" — Here he was interrupted by the landlady was not used to lodge such com- captain, who exclaimed, —" Belay, Tom, pany; and expressed some surprise that he, belay:-pr'ythee don't veer out such a deal who had no doubt endured so many storms of jaw. Clap a stopper on thy cable, and and hardships at sea, should thinkl much of bring thyself up my lad. What a deal of stuff travelling five or six miles a-horseback by thou hastpumped lp concerning bursting, and moonlight. "For my part," said he, "Iride starting, and pulling ships. Laud have in all weathers, at all hours, without mind- mercy upon us! —Look ve here, brother — ing cold, wet, wind, or darkness. My con- look ye here-mrind these poor crippled stitution is so case-hardened, that I believe joints; two fingers on the starboard, and I could live all the year at Spitzbergen. three on the larboard hand; crooked, d'ye With respect to this road, I know every see, like the knees of a bilander.-I'll tell foot of it so exactly, that I'll engage to travel you what, brother, you seem to be a-ship forty miles upon it blindfold, without making deep laden-rich cargo-current setting into one false step; and if vou have faith enough the bay-hard gale-lee shore-all hands in to put yourselves under my auspices, I will the boat-tow round the headland-self pullconduct you safe to an elegant inn, where ing for dear blood against the whole crewyou will meet with the best accommodation." snap go the finger-braces-crack went the "Thank you, brother," replied the captain, eye-blocks. Bounce day-light —flash star"we are much beholden to you for your light-down I foundered, dark as hell-whiz courteous offer; but howsomever, you must went my ears, and my head spun like a not think I mind foul weather more than my whirligig. That don't signify-I'm a Yorkneighbours. I have worked hard aloft and shire boy, as the saying is-all my life at sea, alow in many a taught gale-but this here is brother, by reason of an old grandmother and the case, d'ye see; we have run down a maiden aunt, a couple of old stinking — kept long day's reckoning; our beasts have had a me these forty years out of my grandfather's hard spell; and as for my own hap, brother, estate. —earing as how they had taken I doubt lmy bottom-planks Iaive lost somne of their de;)arture, came ashore, hired horses, their sheathing, beino as how I a'n't used to and clai-ped on all my canvass, steering to that kind of scrubbingr." the northw-ard, to take possession oi' myThe doctor, who had practised aboard a But it don't sigffry talkin- these two old nian of war in his youth, and was perfectly piratical —had held a palaver with a lawyei well a.cquailnted with the captain's dialect -an attorney, Tom, d'ye mind me, an at. ADVENTURES OF SIR LAUNCELOT GREAVES. 215 torney-and by his assistance hove me out of the illustration, understood him in a literal of my inheritance;-that is all, brother- sense, and, in a whimpering tone, exclaimed, hove me out of five hundred pounds a-year -" Sha't then, I tell thee, cursed tuoad!" -that's all-what signifies-but such wind- Tom, however, was so transported with his falls we don't every day pick up along shore. subject, that he took no notice of poor -Fill about, brother —yes, by the Lord! Dolly's mistake, but proceeded in his hathose two smuggling harridans, with the as- rangue upon the difierent. kinds of' tails, resistance of' an attorney-an attorney, Tom naiinders, and seisins, when he vras inter-hove me out of five hundred a-year." rupted by a noise that alarmed the whole "Yes, indeed, sir," added Mr Clarke, company. The rain had been succeeded by "those two malicious old women, docked a storm of wind, that howled around the the intail, and left the estate to an alien." house with the most savage impetuosity; Here Mr Ferret thought proper to inter- and the heavens were overcast in such a mingle in the conversation, with a —" Pish! manner, that not one star appeared, so that what, do'st talk of docking the intail. all without was darkness and uproar. This Do'st not know that by the statute Westm. aggravated the horror of divers loud screams, 2, 13 Ed. the will and intention of the which even the noise of the blast could not donor must be fulfilled, and the tenant in exclude from the ears of our astonished tail shall not alien after issue had, or be- travellers. Captain Crowe called out,fore"-" Give mne leave, sir," replied Tom, " Avast, avast!" Tom Clarke sat silent,'I presume you area practitioner in the law. staring wildly, with his mouth still open. Now you know, that, in the case of a con- The surgeon himself seenled startled; and tingent rematinder, the intail may be de- Ferret's countenance betrayed evident marks stroyed by levying a fine, and suffering a of confusion. The ostler moved nearer the recovery; or otherwise destroying the par- chimney; and the good woman of the house, ticular estate, before the contingency hap- with her two daughters, crept closer to the pens. If feoqfees, who possess an estate company. only during the life of a son, where divers After some pause the captain, starting remainders are limited over, make a feoqf- up,-" These," said he, "be signals of disment in fee to him, by the feoir ent all the tress. Some poor souls in danger of founfuture remainders are destroyed. Indeed, dering-g-let us bear up a-head, and see if a person in remainder may have a writ of we can give them any assistance." The intrusion, if any do intrude after the death landlady begged him, for Christ's sake, not of a tenant for life; and the writ ex gravi to think of going out; for it was a spirit that querela lies to execute a devise in remain- would lead him astray into fens and rivers, der after the death of a tenant in tail without and certainly do him a mischief: Crowe issue." "Spoke like a true disciple of seemed to be staggered by this remonstrance, Geber," cried Ferret. "No, sir," replied which his nephew reinforced, observing, that Mr Clarke, " Counsellor Caper is in the it might be a stratagem of rogues to decoy conveyancing way-I was clerk to Serjeant them into the fields, that they might rob Croaker." " Ay, now you may set up for them under the cloud of night. Thus ex. yourself," resumed the other, "for you can horted, he resumed his seat; and Mr Ferret prate as unintelligibly as the best of them." began to make very severe strictures upon "Perhaps," said Tom, "I do not make the folly and fear of those who believed and myself understood. If so be as how that is trembled at the visitation of spirits, ghosts, the case, let us change the position, and and goblins. He said, he would engage with suppose that this here case is a tail after twelve pennyworth of phosphorus to fiighten a possibility of issue extinct. If a tenant a whole parish out of their senses. Then he in tail after a possibility make a feoffment expatiated on the pusillanimity of the nation of his land, he in reversion may enter for in general, ridiculed the militia, censured the the forfeiture. Then we must make a dis- government, and dropped some hints about tinction between general tail and special a change of hands, which the captain could tail. It is the word body that makes the not, and the doctor would not, comprehend. intail:-there must be a body in the tail, Tom Clarke, from the freedom of his disdevised to heirs male or female, otherwise course, concluded he was a ministerial spy, it is a fee-simple, because it is not limited and communicated his opinion to h-is uncle in a of what body. Thus a corporation cannot whisper, while this misanthrope continued to be seized in tail. For example, here is a pour forth his invectives with a fluency pecu young woman —what is your name, my liar to himself. The truth is, Mr Ferret had dear." " Dolly," answered the daughter, been a party writer, not from principle, but with a courtesy. " Here's Dolly —I seize employment, and had felt the rod of power; Dolly in tail —Dolly, I seize you in tail." in order to avoid a second exertion of which, "Sha't then," cried Dolly, pouting. "I am he now found it convenient to skulk about seized of land in fee-I settle on Dolly in in the country; for he had received intinia tail." tion of a warrant fronm the secretary of state, Dolly, who did not comprehend the nature who wanted to be better acquainted wit 216 SMOLLETT'S SELECT WORKS. his person. Notwithstatnding the ticklish though I am afraid my assistance reached nature of his situation, it was become so him too late: for, since I brought him to habitual to him to think and speak in a cer- land, he has given no signs of life." tain manner, that, even befbre strangers, Here he was interrupted bv a groan, which whose principles and connexions lie could issued from the chest of the,qulire, and ternot possibly know, he hardly ever opened riflied the spectators as inucl as it comnorted his mouth, without uttering some direct or the iiaster. After some recollection, Mr implied sarcasm against the government. Fillet began to undress the body, which was IIe had already proceeded a considerable laid in a blanket on the floor, and rolled way in demonstrating that the nation was from side to side by his direction. A conbankrupt and beggared, and that those who siderable quantity of water being discharged stood at the helm were steering full into the from the mouth of this unfbrtunate squire, he gulf of inevitable destruction, when his lee- uttered a hideous roar, aiid, opening his eyes, ture was suddenly suspended by a violent stared wildly around: then the surgeon unknocking at the door, which threatened the dertook for his recovery, and his master went whole house with immediate demolition. forth with the ostler in quest of the horses, Captain Crowe, believing they should be which he had left by the sidle of the river. His instantly boarded, unsheathed his hanger, back was no sooner turned, than Ferret, who and stood in a posture of defence. Mr Fillet had been peeping from behind the pantryarmed himself with the poker, which hap- door, ventured to rejoin the company; propened to be red hot; the ostler pulled down nouncing, with a smile or rather grin of cona rusty firelock, that hung by the roof over tempt, —" Hey-day! what precious mummery a flitch of' bacon. Torn Clarke, perceiving is this? What, are we to have the farce of the landlady and her children distracted with HIamlet's ghost 3" Adzooks," cried the capterror, conducted them, out of mere compass- tain, "my kinsman Tom has dropped a-sternion, below stairs into the cellar; and as for hope in God a has not bulged to, and gone Mr Ferret, he prudently withdrev into an to bottom." "Pish," exclaimed the misadjoining pantry. anthrope, "there's no danger; the young But as a personage of great importance in lawyer is only seizing Dolly ill tail." this entertaining history was forced to re- Certain it is, Dolly squeaked at that inmain some time at the door before he could stant in the cellar; and Clarke appearing gain admittance, so must the reader wait soon after in some confusion, declared she with patience for the next chapter, in which had been frightened by a flash of lightning; he will see the cause of this disturbance ex- but this assertion was not confirmed by the plained much to his comfort and edification. young lady herself, who eyed him with a sullen regard, indicating displeasure, though not indiffeirence; and when questioned by CHAPTER II. her mother, replied,-" A doan't maind what a says, so a doan't, vor all his goalden jacket, In wwhich the hero of these adventures makes then." his first aplpearance on the stage of ac- In the meantime the surgeon had performed tion. the operation of phlebotomy on the squire, who was lifted into a chair, and supported THE outward door of the Black Lion had by the landlady for that purpose; but he had already sustained two dreadlful shocks; but not as yet given any sign of having retrieved at the third it flew open, and in stalked an the use of his senses. And here Mr Fillet apparition that smote the hearts of our tray- could not help contemplating, with surprise, el!ers with fear and trepidation. It wa's the the strance figure and accoutrements of his figure of a man armed cap-a-pee, bearing on patient, who seemed in age to be turned ot his shoulders a bundle dropping with water, fifty. His stattire was below the middle which afteriwards appeared to be the body size; he was thick, squat, and brawny, with of a man that seemed to have been drowned, a small protuberance on one shoulder, and a and fished up from the bottom of the neigh- prominent belly, which, in consequence of bourin river. the water he had swallowed, now strutted Having depositedt nis burden carefully on beyond its usual dimensions. His forehead the floor, he addressed hinmself to the com- was remarkably convex, and so very low, pany in these words:-'" Be not surprised. that his black bshy hair descended within good people, at this unusual appearance, an inch of his nose; but this did not conceal which I shall take an opportunity to explain; the wrinkles of his front, which were maniand forgive the rude and boisterous manner fold. His small glimmeringo eyes resemnbled in which I have demanded, and indeed forced those of the Hampshire porker, that turns admittance: the violence of my intrusion up the soil with his prohectino snoit. Iis was the effect of necessity. In crossing the cheeks were shrivelled and pucltered at the river, my squire and his horse were swept corners, like the seams of a regimental coat, away by the stream; and, with some diffi- as it comes from the hands of the contractor: ullfty, I have been able to drag him ashore, his nose bore a strong analogy in shape to a ADVENTURES OF SIR LAUNCELOT GREAVES. 217 tennis-ball, and in colour to a mulberry; for not be lost blood to me. —I take you all to all the water of the river had not been able witness, that there surgeon, or apothecary, to quench the natural fire of that feature. or farrier, or dog-doctor, or whatsoever he His upper jaw was furnished with two long may be, has robbed me of the balsam of life white sharp-pointed teeth or fangs, such as he has not left me so much blood in my body the reader may have observed in the chaps as would fatten a starved flea. —O! that of a wolf, or full-grown mastiff, and an there was a lawyer here to serve him with a anatomist would describe as a preternatural siserari." elongation of the dentes canini. His chin Then fixing his eyes upon Ferret, he prowas so long, so peaked, and incurvated, as ceeded: —" An't you a limb of the law, to form in profile, with his impending fore- friend?-No, I cry you mercy, you look more head, the exact resemblance of a moon in like a show-man or a conjurer." Ferret, the first quarter. With respect to his equi- nettled at this address, answered, —" Itwould page, he had a leathern cap upon his head, be well for you, that I could conjure a little faced like those worn by marines, and ex- common sense into that numskull of yours." hibiting in embroidery the figure of a cres- If I want that commodity," rejoined the cent. His coat was of white cloth, faced squire, "I must go to another market, I with black, and cut in a very antique fashion; trow. -Your legerdemain men be more like and, in lieu of a waistcoast, he wore a buff to conjure tile money from our pockets than jerkin. His feet Nere cased with loose bus- sense into our skulls. —Vor my own part, I kins, which, though they rose almost to his was once cheated of vorty good shillings by knee, could not hide that curvature known one of your broother cups-and-balls." In by the appellation of bandy legs. A large all probability he would have descended to string of' bandaliers garnished a broad belt particulars, had he not been seized with a that graced his shoulders, from whence de- return of his nausea, which obliged him to pended an instrunment of war, which was call f6r a bumper of brandy. This remedy something between a back-sword and a cut- being swallowed, the tumult in his stomach lass; and a case of pistols were stuck in his subsided. He desired he might be put to girdle. bed without delay, and that half a dozen eggs Such was the figure whichthewholecompa- and a pound of bacon might, in a couple of ny now surveyed with admiration. After some hours, be dressed for his supper. pause, he seemed to recover his recollection. He was accordingly led off the scene by He rolled about his eyes around, and, atten- the landlady and her daughter; and Mr Fer. dively surveying every individual, exclaimed, ret had just time to observe the fellow was in a strange tone,-" Bodikens! where's a composition, in which he did not know Gilbert?" This interrogation did not savour whether knave or fool most predominated, much of sanity, especially when accompanied when the master returned from the stable ~ with a wild stare, which is generally inter- he had taken off his helmet, and now dispreted as a sure sign of' a disturbed under- played a very engaging countenance: his standing: nevertheless, the surgeon endea- age did not seem to exceed thirty: he was voured to assist his recollection. " Come," tall, and seexingly robust; his face long and said he, " have a good heart.-How dost do, oval, his nose aquiline, his mouth furnished friend?" "Do!'" replied the squire, "do as with a set of elegant teeth, white as the well as I can: -tlthat's a lie too: I might have drifted snow, his complexion clear, and his done better.-I had no business to be here." aspect noble. His chesnut hair loosely flowYou ought to thank God and your master,"'ed in short natural curls;' and his grey eyes resumed the surgeon, "for the providential shone with such vivacity, as plainly showed escape you have had." "Thank my mas- that his reason was a little discomposed. ter!" cried the squire, "thank the devil! Such an appearance prepossessed the glreater Go and teach your grannum to crack filberts. part of the company in his favour; he bowed I know who I'm bound to pray for, and who round with the most polite and affable adI ought to curse, the longest day I have to dress: inquired about his squire, and, being live." infornmed of the pains Mr Fillet had taken IHere the captain interposing, —" Nay, for his recovery, insisted upon that gentlebrotoher," said he, " you are bound to pray man's accepting a handsome gratuity; then, for this here gentleman as your sheet-anchor; in consideration of the cold bath l he had unfor, if so be as he had not cleared your stow- dergone, he was prevnailed ipon to take the age of' tile water you had talen iln at vour post of hon.lr; n* lyiew the freat chair frontupper works, and ljghtened your veins, d'e ing the fire, wlicii was reilnforced with a see, by taking awaty some of your blood, billet of wood fbr his cornfort and conveadad! you l-ad driven before the oale, aind nience. never been brought up in this world again, iPerceivin.'lois -ellow-travellers either overd'ye see." " What, then, you would per- awed in silence by his presence, or struck suade me," replied the patient, 6" that the dumb Nwith admiration at his equipage, he ollly way to save my life was to shed my accosted them in these words, while at precious blood? Look ye, friend, it shall agreeable smile dimpled on his cheek. 4 V* 64 21P SMOLLETT'S SELECT WORKS. " The good company wonders, no doubt, to cording to the statute." "Heaven and see a man cased in arrnour, such as hath been earth!" cried the stranger, starting up, and for above a whole century disused in this and laying his hand on his sword, " do I live every other country of Europe; and perhaps to hear myself insulted with such an opprothey will be still more surprised, when they brious epithet, and refrain from trampling hear that man profess hihnself a noviciate of into dust the insolent calumniator?" that military order, which hath of old been The tone in which these words were prodistino'uished in Great Britain, as well as nounced, and the indignation that flashed through all Christendom, by the name of firom the eyes of the speaker, intimidated knights-errant. Yes, gentlemen, in that every individual of the society, and reduced painful pnd thorny path of toil and danger I Ferret to a temporary privation of all his have begun my career, a candidate for honest faculties: his eyes retired within their sockfame; determined, as far as in me lies, to ets; his complexion, which was naturally of honour and assert the efforts of virtue; to a copper hue, now shifted to a leaden colour; colnbat vice in all her forms, redress injuries, his teeth began to chatter; and all his limbs chastise oppression, protect the helpless and were agitated by a sudden palsy. The knight forlorn, relieve the indigent, exert my best observed his condition and resumed his seat, endeavours in the cause of innocence and saying, -"I was to blame: my vengeance beauty, and dedicate my talents, such as must be reserved for very different objects.they are, to the service of my country." Friend, you have nothing to fear-the sudden "What!" said Ferret, " you set up for a gust of passion is now blown over. Recollect modern Don Quixote?-The scheme is rather yourself, and I will reason calmly on the too stale and extravagant.-What was a observation you have made." humourous romance and well-timed satire in This was a very seasonable declaration to Spain near two hundred years ago, will make Mr Ferret, who opened his eyes, and wiped but a sorry jest, and appear equally insipid his forehead; while the other proceeded in and absurd, when really acted fiom affecta- these terms.-" You say I am in danger of tion, at thls time of day, in a country like being apprehended as a vagrant: I am not so England." ignorant of the laws of my country, but that The knight, eyeing this censor with a look I know the description of those who fall of disdain, replied, in a solemn, lofty tone.- within the legal meaning of this odious term. "He that fromn affectation imitates the ex- You must give me leave to inform you, travagancies recorded of Don Quixote, is an friend, that I am neither bearward, fencer, impostor equally wicked and contemptible. stroller, gipsy, mountebank, nor mendicant; He that counterfeits madness, unless he dis- nor do I practise subtle craft, to deceive and sembles. likre the elder Brutus, for some vir- impose upon the king's lieges; nor can I be tuous purpose. not only debases his own soul, held as an idle disorderly person, travelling but acts as a. traitor to Heaven, by denying from place to place, collecting moneys by virthe divinity that is within him. — am neither tue of counterfeited passes, briefs, and otheI an affected imitator of Don Quixote, nor, as false pretences.-In what respect, therefore, I trust in HIeaven, visited by that spirit of am I to be deemed a vagrant? Answer lunacy so admirably displayed in the ficti- boldly, without fear or scruple." tious character exhibited by the inimitable To this interrogation the misanthrope reCervantes. [ have not vet encountered a plied, with a faultering accent,-" If' not a windmill for a giant, nor mistaken this pub- vagrant, you incur the penalty for riding lie house for a magnificent castle: neither armed in affray of the peace." "But, indo I believe this gentleman to be the con- stead of riding armed in affray of the peace," stable; nor that worthy practitioner to be resumed the other, "I ride in preservation Master Elizabat, the surgeon recorded in of the peace; and gentleman are allowed by Amadis de Gaul; nor you to be the enchanter the law to wear armour for their defence. Alquife, nor any other sage of history or Some ride with blunderbusses, some with romance. —I see and distinguish objects as, pistols, some with swords, according to their they are discerned and described by other various inclinations. -Mine is to wear the men. I reason without prejudice, can en- armour of my forefathers; perhaps I use (lure contradiction, and, as the company per- them for exercise, il order to accustom myceives, even bear impertinent censure with- self to fatigue, and strenothen my constituout passion or resentment. I quarrel with tion; perhaps I assume them for a fiolic." none but the foes of virtue and decorum, " But if you swagger armed and in disagainst whom I have declared perpetual war, guise, assault me on the hioAhway, or put me and them I will every where attack as the in bodily fear, for the sake of the'est, the natural enemies of mankind." law will punish you' in earnest," c:ied the "But that war," said the cynic, "may other. " But my intention," answered the soon be brought to a conclusion, and your knight, "is carefully to avoid all those ocadventures close in Bridewell, provided you casions of offence." " Then," said Ferret, meet with some determined constable, who " you may go unarmed like other sober peowill seize your worship as a vagrant, ac- ple." " Not so," answered the knight, " as ADVENTURES OF SIR LAUNCELOT GREAVES. 219 I propose to travel all times, and in all places, impression, if we recollect that we ourselves mine armour may guard me against the at- are a pack of such profligate, corrupted, tempts of treachery; it may defend me in pusillanimous rascals, as deserve no salvacombat against odds, should I be assaulted tion." by a multitude, or have occasion to bring The stranger, raising his voice to a loud malefactors to justice." tone, replied,-" Such, indeed, are the in" What, then," exclaimed the philosopher, sinuations, equally false and insidious, with "you intend to co-operate with the honour- which the desperate emissaries of a party able fraternity of thief-takers!"." I do pur- endeavour to poison the minds of his majespose," said the youth, eyeing him with a ty's subjects, in defiance of common honesty look of ineffable contempt, "to act as a coad- and common sense. But he must be blind jutor to the law, and even to remedy evils to all perception, and dead to candour, who which the law cannot reach; to detect fraud does not see and own that we are involved and treason, abase insolence, mortify pride, in a just and necessary war, which has been discourage slander, disgarace immodesty, and maintained on truly British principles, prostigmatize ingratitude: but the infamous part secuted with vigour, and crowned with sucof a thief-catcher's character I disclaim. I cess; that our taxes are easy, in proportion neither associate with robbers and pick- to our wealth: that our conquests are equally pockets, knowing them to be such, that, in glorious and important: that our commerce being intrusted with their secrets, I may the flourishes, our people are happy, and our more effiectually betray them; nor shall I enemies reduced to despair. Is there a man ever pocket the reward granted by the legis- who boasts a British heart, that repines at lature to those by whom robbers are brought the success and prosperity of his country? to conviction: but I shall always think it my Such there are, O shame to patriotism, and duty to rid my country of that pernicious reproach to Great Britain! who act as the vermin, which preys upon the bowels of the emissaries of France, both in word and writcommonwealth-not but that an incorporated ing; who exaggerate our necessary burdens, company of licensed thieves might, under magnify our dangers, extol the power of our proper regulations, be of service to the com- enemies, deride our victories, extenuate our munity." conquests, condemn the measures of our goFerret, emboldened by the passive tame- vernmnent, and scatter the seeds of dissatisness with which the stranger bore his last faction throug'h the land. Such domestic reflection, boegan to think he had nothing of traitors are doubly the objects of detestation; Hector but his outside, and gave a loose to first, in perverting truth; and, secondly, in all the acrimony of his party-rancour. Hear- propagating falsehood, to the prejudice of ing the knight mention a company of li- that community of which they have professed censed thieves,-" What else," cried he, " is themselves members. One of these is well the majority of the nation? What is your known by the name of Ferret, an old, ranstanding army at home, that eat up their corous, incorrigible instrument of sedition: fellow-subiects? What are your mercenaries happy it is for him that he has never fallen abroad, whlom you hire to fight their own in my way; for, notwithstanding' the maxquarrels? WPhat is your militia, that wise irns of forbearance which I have adopted, the measure of a sagacious ministry, but a larger indignation which the character of that caigang of petty thieves, -who steal sheep and tiff inspires would probably impel me to some poultry throug'h mere idleness; and were act of violence, and I should crush him like they confironted with an enemy, would steal an ungrateful viper, that gnawed the bosom themselves away' What is your ~ but which warmed it into life!" a knot of thieves, wxho pillage the nation These last words were pronounced with a under colour of' law, arid enrich themselves wildness of look, that even bordered upon with the wreck of their countryv When frenzv. The mrisanthrope once more retired you consider the enormous debt of above an to the pantry for shelter, and the rest of the hundred millions, the intolerable load of guests were evidently disconcerted. taxes and impositions under which we groan, Mr Fillet, in order to chano e the converand the manner in which that burden is sation, which was likely to prodoucm, serious yearly accumulating, to support two German consequences, expressed inlcoinmon s,tisfacelectorates, without our receiving any thing tion at the remarks whxich the kniolht had in return, but the shows of triumph and sha- made, signified his approbation of tie ihonourdows of conquest: I say, when you reflect able office lie had undertaken, declared himon these circumstances, and at the same self happy in havinoa seen slich an accomrtime behold our cities filled with bankrupts, plished cavalier, and observed, thlat nothing and our country with beggars, can you be so was wanting to render loi3n a compliete infatuated as to deny that the ministry is knight-errant, but some ce.lelrated beauty, mad, or worse than mad; our vea.lth exhaust- the mistress of his heart, whose idea mig-ht ed, our people miserable, our credit blasted, animate his breast, and strelurd'wn.lml hnis arn. and our state on the brink of perdition? to the utmost exertion of nalounr: he ttoted This prospect, indeed, will make the fainter that love was the soul of chivalry. 220 SMOLLETT'S SELECT WORKS. The stranger started at this discourse. He which the reader, if he be so minded, may turned his eye on the surgeon with a fixed partake in the next chapter. regard; his countenance changed; a torrent of tears gushed down his cheeks; his head sunk upon his bosom; he heaved a profound CHAPTER III. sigh, and remained in silence with all the external marks of unutterable sorrow. The Which the reader, on perusal, may wish company were, in some measure, infected were chapter the last. by his despondence, concerning the cause of which, however, they would not venture to THE doctor prescribed a repetatur of the inquire. jalap, and mixed the ingredients secundum By this time the landlady, having disposed artem; Tom Clarke hemmed thrice, to clear of the squire, desired to know, with many his pipes; while the rest of the company, courtesies, if his honour would not choose to including Dolly and her mother, who had by put off his wet garments, assuring him, that this time administered to the knight, comshe had a very good feather-bed athis service, posed themselves into earnest and hushed upon whicel many gentlevolks of the virst attention. Then the young lawyer began quality had lain; that the sheets were well his narrative to this effect aired, and that Dolly would warm them for " I tell ye what, gemmen, I don't pretend his worship with a pan of coals." This hos- in this here case to flourish and harangue pitable offer being repeated, he seemed to like a-having never been called to-but wake firom a trance of grief, arose from his what of that dy'e see?-perhaps I may know seat, and bowing courteously to the company, as much as-facts are facts, as the saying withdrew. is. I shall tell, repeat, and relate, a plain Captain Crowe, whose faculty of speech story —matters of fact, d'ye see, without had been all this time absorbed in amazement, rhetoric, oratory, ornament, or embellishnow broke into the conversation with a volley ment; without repetition, tautology, circum. of interjections: —" Split my snatch-block! locution, or going about the bush; facts -Odd's firkin!-Splice my old shoes!-I which I shall aver, partly on the testimony have sailed the salt seas, brother, since I was of my own knowledge, and partly firom the no higher than the Triton's taffrei —east, information of responsible evidences of good west, north, and south, as the saying is- repute and credit, any circumstance known Blacks, Indians, Moors, Morattos, and Sea- to the contrary notwithstanding:-for, as the poys;-but, smite my timbers! such a man law saith, if so be as how there is an excepof war-" tion to evidence, that exception is in its Here he was interrupted by his nephew, nature but a denial of what is taken to be Tom Clarke, who had disappeared at the good by the other party, and exceptio in non knight's first entrance, and now produced exceptis firmat regztlam, d've see.-But himself with an eaogerness in his look, while howsomever, in regard to this here affair, we the tears started in his eyes. "Lord bless need not be so scrupulous as if we were my soul!" cried he, "I' know that gentleman pleading before a judge sedente curia." and his servant, as well as I know my own Ferret, whose curiosity was rather more father. I am his own godson, uncle; he eager than that of any other person in this stood for me when he was a boy-yes, in- audience, being provoked by this preamble, d4eed, sir, my father was steward to the estate dashed the pipe he had just filled in pieces -I may say! was bred up in the family of against the grate; and after having pro. Sir Everhard Greaves, who has been dead nounced the interjection pish! with an acrithese two years-this is the only son, Sir mony of aspect altogether peculiar to himself, Launcelot; the best natured, worthy, gener- -. If," said he, "impertinence and folly ous gentleman —I care not who knows it: I were felony by the statute, there would be love bitn as well as if he was my own flesh no want of unexceptionable evidence to hang and b'od —' such an eternal babbler." " Anan, babbler!" At this period, Tom, whose heart was of cried Tom, reddening with passion, and the meltinod mood, began to sob and weep starting up, " I'd have you to know, sir, that plenteously, from pure affection. Crowe, I can bite as well as babble; and that, if who was not very subject to these tender- am so minded, I can run upon the foot after nesses, d-d him for a chicken-hearted lub- mv game without being in -fault, as the sayber; repeatiing, wivh much peevishness,- ing is; and wvhich is more, I can shake an " What clodst cry for? what do'st cry for, old fox by the collar." nodldy?" TS'e surgoeon, impatient to know I-How far this young lawyer might have the story or Sir Launcelot, which he had proceeded to prove himself staunch on the lieard inperfectly recounted, begoed that Mr person of the misanthrope, if he had not been Clarke would compose himself, and relate it prevented, we shall not determine; but the as circumns;an:t ixally as 1his memory could re- whole company were alarmied at his looks lain the Iparticularso arid Tof, wipin his I and expressions. Dolly's rosy cheeks as eves, promised to giive him that satisfaction; i surned an ash-colour, while she ran between ADVENTURES OF SIR LAUNCELOT GREAVES. 221 the disputants, crying,-" Naay, naay-vor ordinary young gentleman.' But the father the love of God doant then, doant then!" urging him to give an explicit answer, he:But Captain Crowe exerted a parental au- frankly declared, that, in his opinion, the son thority over his nephew, saying,-" Avast, would turn out either a mirror of wisdom or Tom, avast! snug's the word-we'll have no a monument of folly; for his genius and disboarding, d'ye see. HI-aul forward thy chair position were altogether preternatural. The again, take thy berth, and proceed with thy knight was sorely vexed at this declaration, story in a direct course, without yawing and signified his displeasure by saying, the like a Dutch yanky." doctor, like a true priest, dealt in mysteries Toni, thus tutored, recollected himself, re- and oracles, that would admit of difirent and sumed his seat, and, after some pause, plunged indeed contrary interpretations. He afterat once into the current of narration.-". I wards consulted my father, who had served told you before, gemrmen, that the gentleman as steward upon the estate for above thirty in armour was the only son of Sir Everhard years, and acquired a considerable share of Greaves, who possessed a free estate of five his favour.-' Will Clarke,' said he, with thousand a year in our county, and was tears in his eyes,'what shall I do with this respected by all his neighbours as much for unfortunate lad l I would to God he had his personal merit as for his family fortune. never been born; for I fear he will bring my With respect to his son Launcelot, whom grey hairs with sorrow to the grave. When you have seen, I can remember nothing until I am gone, he will throw away the estate, he returned from the university, about the and bring himself to infamy and ruin, by age of seventeen, and then I myself was not keeping company with rooks and beggars. more than ten years old. The young gentle- O Will! I could forgive extravagance in a man was at that time in mourning for his young man; but it breaks my heart to see mother; thoug'h, God he knows, Sir Everhard my only son give such repeated proofs of a had more cause to rejoice than to be afflicted mean spirit and sordid disposition!' at her death: for, among friends (here he "Here the old gentleman shed a flood of lowered his voice, and looked round the tears, and not without some shadow of rea. kitchen), she was very whimsical, expensive, son. By this time Launcelot was grown so ill-tempered, and I'm afraid, a little —upon reserved to his father, that he seldom saw the-flighty order-a little touched or so; him, or any of his relations, except when he:ut mum for that-the lady is now dead; and was in a manner forced to appear at table, it is my maxim, de mortuis nil nisi bonum. and there his bashfulness seemed every day The young squire was even then very hand- to increase. On the other hand, he had some, and looked remarkably well in his formed some very strange connections. weepers; but he had an awkward air and Every morning he visited the stable, where shambling gait, stooped mortally, and was he not only conversed with the grooms and so shy and silent that he would not look a helpers, but scraped acquaintance with the stranger in the face, nor open his mouth be- horses: he fed his favourites with his own fore company. Whenever he spied a horse hand, stroaked, caressed and rode them by or carriag'e at the gate, he would make his turns: till at last they grew so familiar, that, escape into the garden, and from thence into even when they were a-field at grass, and the park; where many is the good time and saw him at a distance, they would toss their often he has been found sitting under a tree, manes, whinny like so many colts at sight with a book in his hand, reading Greek, of the dam, and galloping up to the place Latin, and other foreign lingos. where he stood, smell him all over. "Sir Everhard himself was no great "You must know that I nmyself, though a scholar, and my father had forgot his class- child, was his companion in all these excurical learning; and so the rector of the parish sions. He took a liking to me on account was desired to examine young Launcelot. of my being his godson, and gave me more It was a long time before he found an oppor- money than I knew what to do with: he had tunity; the squire always gave him the slip. always plenty of cash for the asking, as my At length the parson eatched him in bed of father was ordered to supply him liberally, a morning, and locking the door, to it they the knight thinking that a command of went tooth and nail. What passed betwixt money might help to raise his thoughts to a them the Lord in heaven knows; but, when proper consideration of his own importance. the doctor came forth, he looked wild and He never could endure a common beggar, haggard as if he had seen a ghost, his face that was not either in a state of infancy or as white as paper, and his lips trembling like of old age; but, in other respects, he made: an aspen leaf.' Parson,' said the knight, the guineas fly in such a manner, as looked' what is the matter? —how do'st find my son? more like madness than generosity. I-He I hope he won't turn out a ninny, and dis- had no communication with your rich yeograce his family!' The doctor, wiping' the men, but rather treated them and their fanmi sweat from his forehead. replied, with some lies with studied contempt, because. forsooth, hesitation,-' he could not tell-he hoped the they pretended to assumne the dress and best-the squire was to be sure a very extra- manners of the gentry. 64* 222 SMOLLETT'S SELECT WORKS. " They kept their footmen, their saddle- sir,' said he,'you will not countenance horses, and chaises: their wives and daugh- that there ruffian, your steward, in oppressing ters appeared in their jewels, their silks, the widow and fatherless. On pretence of and their satins, their negligees and trolo- distraining for the rent of a cottage, he has rob. pees; their clumsy shanks, like so many bed the mother of these and other poor infant chines of beel; were cased in silk-hose and orphans of two cows, which afforded them embroidered slippers; their raw-red fingers, their whole sustenance. Shall you be congross as the pipes of a chamber-organ, cerned in tearing the hard-earned morsel which had been employed in milking the from the mouth of indigence? Shall your cows, in twirling the mop or churn-staff, name, which has been so long mentioned as being adorned with diamonds, were taught a blessing, be now detested as a curse by to thrum the pandola, and even to touch the poor, the helpless, and forlorn' The the keys of the harpsichord! Nay, in father of these babes was once your gameevery village they kept a route, and set up keeper, who died of a consumption caught an assembly; and in one place a hog-butcher in your service. You see they are almost was master of the ceremonies. naked-I found themn plucking haws and " I have heard Mr Greaves ridicule them sloes, in order to appease their hunger. for their vanity and awkward irmtation; The wretched mother is starving in a cold and therefore, I believe, he avoided all con- cottage, distracted with the cries of other cerns with them, even when they endea- two infants, clamorous for food: and while voured to engage his attention. It was the her heart is bursting with anguish and deslower sort of people with whom he chiefly pair, she invokes Heaven to avenge the conversed, such as ploughmen, ditchers, and widow's cause upon the head of her unre. other day-labourers. To every cottager in lenting landlord!' the parish he was a bounteous benefactor. "This unexpected address brought tears He was, in the literal sense of the word, a into the eyes of the good old gentleman. careful overseer of the poor; for he went' Will Clarke,' said lie to my father,' how from house to house, industriously inquiring durst you abuse my authority at this rate into the distresses of the people. He re- You who know I have been always a propaired their huts, clothed their backs, filled tector, not an oppressor, of the needy and their bellies, and supplied them with nbcessa- unfortunate. I charge you, go immediately ries for exercising their industry and different and comfort this poor woman with immediate occupations. relief; instead of her own cows, let her have "I'll give you one instance now, as a two of the best milch cows of my dairy: 6specimen of his character. He and I, stroll- they shall graze in my parks in summer, ing one day on the side of a common, saw and be foddered with my hay in winter. two boys picking hips and haws from the She shall sit rent-fiee for life: and I will hedges: one seemed to be about five, and the take care of these her poor orphans.' other a year older; they were both barefoot " This was a very affecting scene. Mr and ragged, but at the same time fat., fair, Launcelot took his father's hand and kissed and in good condition.' Who do you be- it, while the tears ran down his cheeks; long to l' said Mr Greaves.'To Mary and Sir Everhard embraced his son with Stile,' replied the oldest,' the widow that great tenderness, crying —' My dear boy! rents one of them housen.''And how God be praised f(or having' given you such a do'st live, my boy? thou lookest fresh and feeling heart.' My father himself was jolly,' resumed the squire.'Lisved well moved, thof a practitioner of the law, and enough till yesterday,' answered the child. consequently used to distresses. He decla-'And pray what happened yesterday, my red, that he had given no directions to disboy?' continued Mr Greaves.'Happened!' train; and that the bailiff must have done it said he,' why mammy had a coople of little by his own authority.' If that be the case,' W\elch keawes, that gi'en milk enough to said the young squire,'let the inhuman fill all our bellies; mammy's, and mine, and rascal be turned out of our service.' Dick's here, and my two little sisters at " Well, gemmen, all the children were hoam: yesterday the squire seized the immediately clothed and fed, and the poor keawes for rent, God rot'un! Mammy's widow had well-nigh run distracted with gone to bed sick and sulky: my two sisters joy. The old knight, being of a humane be crying at hoam vor vood; and Dick and temper himself, was pleased to see such I be come hither to pick haws and bullies.' proofs of his son's generosity: he was not " My godfather's face grew red as scarlet; angry at his spending his money, but at he took one of the children in either hand, squandering away his time among the dregs and leading them towards the house, found of the people. For you must know, he not Sir Everhard talking with my father before only made matches, portioned poor maidthe gate. Instead of avoiding the old gen- ens, and set up young couples that came to. tleman, as usual, he brushed up to him with gether without money; but he minoled in a spirit he had never shown before, and every rustic diversion, and bore away the presenting the two ragged boys, —' Surely, prize in every contest. I-Ie excelled eveiy ADVENTURES OF SIR LAUNCELOT GREAVES. 223 swain of that district in feats of strength and connexions, as would soon lift his ideas and activity: in leaping, running, wrestling, above the humble objects on which they had cricket, cudgel-playing, and pitching the bar; been hitherto employed. This advice apand was confessed to be, out of sight, the peared so salutary, that it was followed withbest dancer at all wakes and holidays: happy out the least hesitation. The young squire was the country-girl who could engage the himself was perfectly well satisfied with the young squire as her partner. To be sure, proposal; and in a few days he set out for it was a comely sight for to see as how the the great city: but there was not a dry eye buxom country-lasses, fresh and fragrant, in the parish at his departure, although he and blushing like the rose, in their best ap- prevailed upon his father to pay in his abparel dight, their white hose, and clean short sence all the pensions he had granted to dimity petticoats, their gaudy gowns of those who could not live on the fruit of their printed cotton; their top-knots and stomach- own industry. In what manner he spent nis ers, bedizened with bunches of ribands of time in London, it is none of my business to various colours, green, pink and yellow; to inquire; thof I know pretty well what kind see them crowned with garlands, and assem- of lives are led by gemmen of your inns of bled on May-day, to dance before squire court. I myself once belonged to Serjeant's Launcelot, as he made his morning's pro- Inn, and was perhaps as good a wit and a gress through the village. Then all the critic as any templar of them all. Nay, as young peasants made their appearance with for that matter, thof I despise vanity, I can cockades, suited to the fancies of their seve- aver with a safe conscience, that I had once ral sweethearts, and boughs of flowering the honour to belong to the society called hawthorn. The children sported about like the town: we were all of us attorney's flocks of frisking lambs, or the young fry clerks, gemmen, and had our meetings at an swarming under the sunny bank of some ale-house in Butcher Row, where we regumeandering river. The old men and women, lated the diversions of the theatre. in their holiday-garments, stood at their "But to return from this digression: Sir doors to receive their benefactor, and poured Everhard Greaves did not seem to be very forth blessings on him as he passed: the well pleased with the conduct of his son at children welcomed him with their shrill London. He got notice of some irregularishouts, the damsels with songs of praise, ties and scrapes into which he had fallen; and the young men, with the pipe and ta- and the squire seldom wrote his father, exbor, marched before him to the May-pole, cept to draw upon him for money; which he which was bedecked with flowers and bloom. did so fast, that in eighteen months the old There the rural dance began: a plentiful gentleman lost all patience. dinner, with oceans of good liquor, was be- " At this period Squire Darnel chanced to spoke at the White Hart: the whole village die, leaving an only daughter, a minor, heirwas regaled at the squire's expense; and ess of three thousand a-year, under the both the day and the night were spent in guardianship of her uncle Anthony, whose mirth and pleasure. brutal character all the world knows. The "Lord help you! he could not rest if he breath was no sooner out of his brother's thought there was an aching heart in the body, than he resolved, if possible, to sucwhole parish. Every paltry cottage was in ceed him in parliament as representative for a little time converted into a pretty, snug, the borough of Ashenton. Now you must comfortable habitation, with a wooden porch know, that this borough had been for many at the door, glass casements in the windows, years a bone of contention between the famiand a little garden behind, well stored with lies of Greaves and Darnel; and at length greens, roots, and sallads. In a word, the the difference was compromised by the interpoor's rate was reduced to a mere trifle; position of friends, on condition that Sir and one would have thought the golden age Everhard and Squire Darnol should alterwas revived in Yorkshire. But, as I told nately represent the place in parliament. you before, the old knight could not bear to They agreed to this compromise for their see his only son so wholly attached to these mutual convenience; but they were never lowly pleasures, while he industriously shun- heartily reconciled. Their political princined all opportunities of appearing in that ples did not tally; and their wives looked superior sphere to which he was designed by upon each other as rivals in fortune and magnature and by fortune. He imputed his con- nificence: so that there was no intercourse duct to meanness of spirit, and advised with between them, thof they lived in the same my father touching the properest expedient neighbourhood. On the contrary, in all disto wean his affections from such low-born putes they constantly headed the opposite pursuits. My father counselled him to send parties. Sir Everhard understanding that the young gentleman up to London, to be en- Anthony Darnel had begun to canvass, and tered as a student in the Temple, and re- was putting every iron in the fire, in violacommended him to the superintendence of tion and contempt of the pactum.familiae some person who knew the town, and might before mentioned, fell into a violent passion, engage him insensibly in such amusements that brought on a severe fit of the gout; by 224 SMOLLETT'S SELECT WORKS. which he was disabled from giving personal treaty subsisting between the two fmnilies attention to his own interest. My father, in- and with what keen and spirited strokes of deed, employed all his diligence and address, satire hie retorted the sarcasms of Darnel. and spared neither money, time, nor con- "iHe no sooner concluded his harangue, stitution, till at lenIgth he drank himself into than there was such a burst of applause, as a consuimption, which was the death of him. seemed to rend the very sky. Our music But, after all. there is a great difference be- immediately struck up; our people advanced tween a steward and a principal. Mr Dar- with their ensigns, and, as every man had a nel attended in propria persona, flattered good cudgel, broken heads would have enand caressed the women, feasted the elec- sued, had not Mr Darnel and his party tors, hired mobs, made processions, and thought proper to retreat with uncommon scattered about his money in such a manner, dispatch. He never offered to make another that our friends durst hardly show their heads public entrance, as he saw the torrent ran so in public. violently against him; but sat down with " At this very crisis, our young squire, to his loss, and withdrew his opposition, though whom his father had written an account of at bottom extremely mortified and incensed. the transaction, arrived unexpectedly at Sir Everhard was unanimously elected, and Gravesbury-hall, and had a long private con- appeared to be the happiest man upon earth; ference with Sir Everhard. The news of for, besides the pleasure arising fiom his his return spread like wild-fire through all victory over this competitor, he was now fulthat part of the country, bonfires were made, ly satisfied that his son, instead of disgracing, and the bells set a-ringing in several towns would do honour to his family. It would have and steeples; and next morning above seven moved a heart of stone to see with what a hundred people were assembled at the gate, tender transport of paternal joy he received with music, flags, and streamers, to welcome his dear Launcelot, after having heard of his their young squire, and accompany him to deportment and success at Ashenton, where, the borough of Ashenton. Ite set out on by-the-bye, he gave a ball to the ladies, and foot with his retinue, and entered one end displayed as much elegance and politeness, of the town just as Mr Darnel's mob had as if he had been bred at the court of Ver. come in at the other. Both arrived about sailles. the same time at the market place; but Mr " This joyous season was of short duraDarnel, mounting first into the balcony of tion: in a little time all the happiness of the the town-house, made a long speech to the family was overcast by a sad incident, which people in favour of his own pretensions, not hath left such an unfortunate impression without some invidious reflections glanced upon the mind of the young gentleman, as, I at Sir Everhard, his competitor. am afraid, will never be effaced. Mr Dar" We did not much mind the acclamation nel's niece and ward, the great heiress, of his party, which we knew had been hired whose name is Aurelia, was the most celefor the purpose; but we were in some pain brated beauty of the whole country; if I said for Mr Greaves, who had not been used to the whole kingdomn, or indeed all Europe, speak in public. He took his turn, how- perhaps I should barely do her justice. I don't ever, in the balcony, and, uncovering his pretend to be a limner, gemmen; nor does head, bowed all around with the most enga- it become me to delineate such excellence; ging courtesy. He was dressed in a green but surely I may presume to repeat from the frock trimmed with gold, and his own dark play, hair flowed about his ears in natural curls,'O! she is all that painting can expiess, while his face was overspread with a blush,'bOi youthful poets fancy when they love!' that improved the glow of youth to a deeper crimson; and I dare say set many a female "At that time she might be about sevenheart a-palpitating. When he made his first teen; tall and fair, and so exquisitely shaped appearance, there was just such a humming — you may talk of your Venus de Medicis, and clapping of hands as you may have heard your Dianas, your nymphs, and Galateas: when the celebrated Garrick comes upon but if Praxiteles, and Roubillac, and Wilton, the stage in King Lear, or King Richard, or were to lay their heads together, in order to any other top character. But how agreea- make a complete pattern of beauty, they bly were we disappointed, when our young would hardly reach her model of perfection. gentleman made such an oration as would As for complexion, poets will talk of blendnot have dis graced a Pitt, an Egmont, or a ing the lily with the rose, and bring in a parMurray! While he spoke, all was hushed in eel of similes of cowslips, carnations, pinks, admiration and attention; you could have and daisies. There's Doily, now, has got a almost heard a feather drop to the ground. It very good complexion: indeed she's the very would have charmed you to hear with what picture of health and innocence-you are, modesty he recounted the services which indeed, my pretty lass;-but parva tcompohis father and grandfather had done to the nere magnis. Miss Darnel is all amazing corporation; with what eloquence he expa- beauty, delicacy, and dignity! Then the tiated upon the shameful infraction of the softness and expression of her fine blue eyes, ADVENTURES OF SIR LAUNCELOT GREAVES. 225 her pouting lips of coral hue; her neck, that dozen gentlemen, who had watched their rises like a tower of polished alabaster be- motions. It was in vain for them to dissemtween two mounts of snow. I tell you what, ble their design, which could not now take gemmen, it don't signify talking; if e'er a effect. They gave up their pistols, and a one of you was to meet this young lady reconciliation was patched up by the pressalone, in the midst of a heath or common, or ing remonstrances of their common fiiends; any unfrequented place, he would down on but Mr Darnel's hatred still rankled at bothis knees, and thinkl he kneeled before some tom, and soon broke out in the sequel. About supernatural being. I'll tell you more; she three months after this transaction, his niece not only resembles an angel in beauty, but a Aurelia, with her mother, having been to saint in goodness, and a hermit in hlumili- visit a lady in the chariot, the horses being ty; so void of all pride and affectation; so young, and not used to the traces, were soft, and sweet, and affable, and humane! startled at the braying of a jack-ass on the Lord! I could tell such instances of her cha- common, and, taking fiight, ran away with rity! the carriage, like lighltning. The coachman " Sure enough, she anrd Sir Launcelot was thrown fromn the box, and the ladies were formed by nature for each other screamed piteously for help. Mr Greaves howsoever, the cruel hand of fortune hatli chanced to be a-horseback on the other side intervened, and severed them foir ever. of an inclosure when lhe heard their shrieks, Every soul that knew thernl both said it was and, riding up to the hedge, knew the chaa thousand pities but they should come to- riot, and saw their disaster. The horses gether, and extinguish, in their happy union, i were then running full speed, in such a dithe Inutual animosity of' the two families, rection as to drive hleadlong over a precipice which had so often embroiled the whole into a stone quarry, where they and the chaneighbourhood. Nothling was heard but the riot and the ladies must be dashed in pieces. praises of Miss Aturelia Darnel and Mr You may conceive, gemmen, what his Laullcelot Greaves; and rno doubt, the parties thoughts were when he saw such a fine were prepossessed by this applause in favour ouing lady, in the flower of' her age, just of each other. -At lengrth Mr Greaves wvent pluno'ing into eternity: when he saw the one Sunday to her paiish church; but, though lovely Aure]ia on the brink of being precipi the greater part of the congregation watched tated among rocks, where her delicate limbs their looks, they could not perceive that she must be mangled and torn asunder; when he took the least notice of him, or that lie perceived, that, before he could ride round seemed to be struck with her appearance. by the gate, the tragedy would be finished. He afterwards had an opportunity of seeing The fence was so thick and high, flanked her, more at leisure, at the York assemblv, with a broad ditch on the outside, that he during the races; but this opportunity was could not hope to clear it, although lie was productive of no good effect, because lie had mounted on Scipio, bred out of Miss Cowslip, that samie day quarrelled with her uncle on the sire NMuley, and his grandsire the famous tile turf: Arabian AMustapha. Scipio was bred by my "An old grudge, you'know, gernmen, is father, who would not have taken a hundred soon inflamed to a fresh rupture. It was guineas for him from any other person but thoughlt Mr Darnel came on purpose to show the younn squire.-T-ndeed, I have heard my his resentment. They diffiered about a bet poor father say-" upon Miss Cleverlegs, antd, in the course of By this time Ferret's impatience was bethe dispulte, MIr Darnel called him a petulant come so outrageous, that he exclaimed, in a boy. The vyo;;n squire, who was as hasty furious tone,-" Damn your father, and his as gunpow der, toid' him lie was man enough horse, and his colt into the bargain!" to chastise himn ior ilis insolence; and would Tom imade no reply, but began to, strie do it on the spot, if he thought it would not with great expedition. Captain Crowe was interlrupt the diversion. In all probability so choked with passion, that he could utter they woultd hbiave coe to points immrnediately, nothing but disjointed sentences: he rose hacd not the.?ntemnen interposed: so that fiomn his seat, brandished his lhorsewhip, and, notlfing fuitiher passed, but abundance of seizinog his nephew by the collar, cried,foul ianguagse on the part of Mr Anthony, " Odds heartlilkins! sirrah, I have a good and a. repeated defiauce to single combat. mind -Devii fire yourl running tackle, you 1 A"r GresIvess mnalkinroi a lo0wJ bow, retited land lubber! —can't you steer witlhot all thiis fi-oll the field: and in t1he evening' (lanced at tackinlo hitlher an thither, and the Lord the assemblyv witb aa youna lal vady fi'om te knows vwhitheri -?'loi,.t niIy tblock! i'd biishopric, seemninioly in good temperl and,'ive thee a rope's e-ld for th:y supper if At spirits, wittllt l'havino'n any weords with idr wa,l; —" Danel, whvlio as also pres'nt. -lnt iii the Dolly lad cth cfi1e7h (al selakino 1 kindness mnolrninlg he v:sited that plroiu, neioihboulr be- r.i tie v-u11 la iwyer, and, thir!ling him in times; and they had almost re Ief:i:sh f-rosve doane er,oe fb ing rnoug.hly thandled, flew to his of trees on the north side of tre ti-xwn, when ei ellef'. -e-' twvisted her hand in Crowe's they were suddenly overltaklen by half-a- neic'clotl: ivithout ceremony, crying. — 4 W* 2'26 SMOLLETT'S SELECT WORKS. "Sha't then, I tell thee, old codger,-who good cheer, and jollity, and assist with culi. kears a vig vor thy voolish trantrums?" nary art the raw, unpractised, awkward While Crowe looked black in the face, guest. and ran the risk of strangulation under the But to return from this digressive simile:gripe of this amazon, Mr Clarke having dis- The other no sooner stept between those engaged himself of his hat, wig, coat, and menacing antagonists, than Tom Clarke waistcoat, advanced in an elegant attitude very quietly resumed his clothes, and Mr of manual offence towards the misanthrope, Ferret resigned the gridiron without farther who snatched up a gridiron from the chim- question. The doctor did not find it quite ney corner, and discord seemed to clap her so easy to release the throat of Captain sooty wings in expectation of battle. But, Crowe from the masculine grasp of the virago as the reader may have more than once al- Dolly, whose fingers could not be disengaged ready cursed the unconscionable length of until the honest seaman was almost at the this chapter, we must postpone to the next last gasp. After some pause, during which opportunity the incidents that succeeded this he panted for breath, and untied his neckdenunciation of war. cloth,-" Damn thee for a brimstone galley," cried he, "I was never so grappled withal since I knew a card from a compass. AdCHAPTER IV. zooks! the jade has so taughtened my rigging, d'ye see, that I-Snatch by bowlines, In which it appears that the knight, when if I come athwart thy hawser, I'll turn thy heartily set in for sleeping, was not easily keel upwards-or rnayhap set thee a-driving disturbed. under bare poles-I will-I will, you hell-fire, saucy-I will-" IT all probability the kitchen of the Black Dolly made no reply, but, seeing Mlr Clarke Lion, from a domestic temple of society and sit down again with great composure, took good fellowship, would have been converted her station likewise at the opposite side of into a scene or stage of sanguinary dispute, the apartment. Then Mr Fillet requested had not Pallas or Discretion interposed in the lawyer to proceed with his story, which, the person of Mr Fillet, and, with the assist- after three hems, he accordingly prosecuted ance of the ostler, disarmed the combatants, in these words: not only of their arms, but also of their re- "I told you, gemmen, that Mr Greaves sentineit. was mounted on Scipio, when he saw Miss The impetuosity of Mr Clarke was a little Darnel and her mother in danger of being checked at sight of the gridiron, which Fer- hurried over a precipice. Without reflectret brandished with uncommon dexterity; a ing a moment, lie gave Scipio the spur, and circumstance from whence the company at one spring he cleared five and twenty feet, were, upon reflection, induced to believe, over hedge and ditch, and every obstruction. that, before he plunged into the sea of poli- Then he rode full speed, in order to turn the tics, he had occasionally figured in the chla- coach-horses; and, findingo themn quite wild racter of that facetious droll who accompa- and furious, endeavoured to drive ao'ainst nies your itinerant physicians, under the the counter of the hither horse, which he falmiliar appellation of Merry-Andrew or missed, and stalked poor Scipio on the pole Jack-Puddingr, and on a wooden stage en- of the coach. The shock was so great, that tertains the populace with a solo on tile salt- the coach-horses made a fill stop within ten box, or a sonata on the tongs and gridiron. yards of the quarry, and Mit Greaves was Be that as it may, the young lawyer seemed thrown forwards towards the coach-box, to be a little discomposed at the glancing of which, mounting with admirable dexterity, this extraordinary weapon of offence, which he seized the reins before the horses could the fai. hands of Dolly had scoured, until it recover of their fiight. At that instant the had shone as bright as the shield of Achilles, coachman caine running up, and loosed them or as the emblem of good old English fare, from the traces with the utmost dispatch. which bhan s by a red ribbon round the neck Mr Greaves had now time to give his attenof that thrice-honoured sage's head, in vel- tion to the ladies, who were well nigh disvet bonnet cased, who presides by rotation tracted with fear. He no sooner opened at the g'enia] board, distinguished by the title the chariot-door, than Aurelia, with a wildof' the beet steak club; where the delicate ness of look, sprung into his arms, and, rumps irresistibly attract the stranger's eye, clasping him round the neck, fainted away. and, while they seem to cry,-" come cut I leave you to guess, geiomen, what were me, come cut me," constrain, by wondrous his feelings at this instant. The mother sympathly, each mouth to overflow; where was not so discomposed, bet that snhe could the oblioigo and humorous Jemmv B t, contribute to the recomerv of her (ti.:ueiter, the gentle Billy I-I d, replete with human whom the young squire still supportedl in his kindness, and the generous Johnny R — d, embrace. Att ien.lthl slhe retrieved the use respected and beloved by all the world, at- of her senses, and, perceiving tile situation tend as the priests and ministers of mirth, in which she was, the blood revisited her ADVENTURES OF SIR LAUNCELOT GREAVES. 227 face with a redoubled glow, while she de- ner in which he spoke that the old quarrel sired him to set her down upon the turf. was not yet extinguished, answered, with "Mrs Darnel, far from being shy or re- equal disdain, that the visit was not intended served in her compliments of acknowledge- for him; and that, if he wanted to know the ments, kissed Mr Launcelot without cere- cause of it, he might inform himself by his mony, the tears of gratitude running down own servants.' So I shall,' cried the uncle her cheeks: she called him her dear son, her of Aurelia,' and perhaps let you know my generous deliverer, who, at the hazard of his sentiments of the matter.'' Hereafter, as own life, had saved her and her child from it may be,' said the youth, who, turning out the most dismal fate that could be imagined. of the avenue, walked home, and made his "Mr Greaves was so much transported on father acquainted with the particulars of this this occasion, that he could not help dis- adventure. closing a passion which he had hitherto in- "The old gentleman chid him for his rashdustriously concealed.' What I have done,' ness, but seemed pleased with the success said he,'was but a common office of hu- of his attempt, and still more so, when he minanity, which I would have performed for understood his sentiments of Aurelia, and any of my fellow-creatures; but, for the pre- the deportment of the ladies. servation of Miss Aurelia Darnell, I would "Next day the son sent over a servant at any time sacrifice my life with pleasure.' with a compliment to inquire about their The young lady did not hear this declaration health; and the messenger, being seen by unmoved; her face was again flushed, and Mr Darnel, was told that the ladies were inher eyes sparkled with pleasure: nor was disposed, and did not choose to be troubled the youth's confession disagreeable to the with messages. The mother was really good lady her mother, who, at one glance, seized with a fever, produced by the agitaperceived all the advantages of such an union tion of her spirits,.which every day became between the two families. more and more violent, until the physicians "Mr Greaves proposed to send the coach- despaired of her life. Believing that her end man to his father's stable for a pair of sober approached, she sent a trusty servant to horses, that could be depended upon, to Mr Greaves, desiring that she might see him draw the ladies home to their own habita- without delay; and he immediately set out tion; but they declined the offer, and chose with the messenger, who introduced him in to walk, as the distance was not great. He the dark. then insisted upon his being their conductor; * " He found the old lady in bed almost exand, each taking him under the arm, sup- hausted, and the fair Atrelia sitting by her, ported them to their own gate, where such overwhelmed with grief; her lovely hair in an apparition filled all the domestics with the utmost disorder, and her charmringr eyes astonishment. Mrs Darnel, taking him by inflamed with weeping. The good lady the hand, led him into the house, where she beckoning Mr Launcelot to approach, and welcomed him with another affectionate em- directing all the attendants to quit the room, brace, and indulged him with an ambrosial except a favourite maid, from whom I learned kiss of Aurelia, saying, — But for you, we the story, she took him by the hand, and, had both been by this time in eternity. Sure fixing her eyes upon him with all the fond it was Heaven that sent you as an angel to ness of a mnother, shed some tears in silence, our assistance!' She kindly inquired if he while the same marks of sorrow trickled had himself sustained any damage in admin- down his cheeks. After this affecting pause, istering that desperate remedy to which -' MIy dear son,' said she,'Oh! that I could they owed their lives. She entertained him have lived to see you so indeed! you find with a small collation: and, in the course me hastening to the goal of life.' Here the of the conversation, lamented the animosity tender-hearted Aurelia, being unable to conwhich had so long divided two neighbouring tain herself longer, broke out into a violent families of such influence and character. He passion of grief, and wept aloud. The mowas not slow in signifying his approbation ther, waiting patiently till she had thus given of her remarks, and expressing the most vent to her anguish, calmly entreated her to eager desire of seeing all those unhappy resign herself submissively to the will of differences removed: in a word, they parted Heaven: then turning to iMr Launcelot,with mutual satisfaction.' I had indulged,' said she,'a fond hope of "Just as he advanced from the outward seeing you allied to my family. This is no gate, on his return to Gravesbury-hall, hlie time for me to insist upon the cerenmonies was met by Anthony Darnel on horseback, and forms of a vain world.'nlrelia looks who, riding up to him with marks of surprise upon you with the eyes of tender preposand resentment, saluted him with-'Your session.' No sooner had she pronounced servant, sir: have you any commands for these words, than he threw himself on his mel' The other replying, with an air of in- knees before the youngn lady, anaid, pressing difference,-' none at all,' ~Idr Darnel asked her hand to his lips, breStoed the softest exwhat had procured him the hionoulr of a visit. pressions which the mnost delicate love could The young gentleman perceiving by the man- suggest.'I know,' resumed the mother 228 SMOLLETT'S SELECT WORKS.' that your passion is mutually sincere; and "It was then we thought Mr Launcelot a I should die satisfied, if I thought your union little disordered in his brain, his grief was so would not be opposed: but that violent man, wild, and his passion so impetuous. IHe remy brother-in-law, who is Aurelia's sole fused all sustenance, neglected his person, guardian, will thwart her wishes with every renounced his amusements, rode out in the obstacle that brutal resentment and implaca- rain sometimes bare-headed, strolled about ble malice can contrive. Mr Greaves, I have the fields all night, and became so peevish, long admired your virtues, and am confident that none of the domestics durst speak to that I can depend upon your honour. You him without the hazard of broken bones. shall give me your word, that, when I am Having played these pranks for about three gone, you wvill take no steps in this affair weeks, to the unspeakable chagrin of his without the concurrence of your father; and father, and the astonishment of all that knew endeavour, by all fair and honourable means, him, he suddenly grew calm, and his good to vanquish the prejudices, and obtain the humour returned. But this, as your seaconsent, of her uncle: the rest we must faring people say, was a deceitful calm, that leave to the dispensation of Providence.' soon ushered in a dreadful storm. " The squire promised, in the most solemn "He had long sought an opportunity to and fervent manner, to obey all her injunc- tamper with some of Mir Darn-7ei's servants, tions, as the last dictates of a parent whom who could inform him of the place where he should never cease to honour. Then she Aurelia was confined, but there was not one favoured them both with a great deal of salu- about the family who could give himn that tary advice, touching their conduct before satisfaction; for the persons who accompaiand after marriage; and presented him with nied her remained as a watch upon her moa ring, as a memorial of her affection; at the tions, and none of the other domestics were same time he pulled another off his finger, privy to the transaction. All attempts prov-:and made a tender of it as a pledge of his ing fruitless, he could no longer restrain his love to Aurelia, whom her mother permitted impatience, but throwing himself in the way to receive this token. Finally, he took a last of the uncle, upbraided him in such harsh farewell of the good matron, and returned to terms, that a formal challenge ensued. They his father with the particulars of this in- agreed to decide their difference without terview. witnesses; and one morning, before sun-rise, "In two days ATMrs Darnel departed this met on that very common where Mr Greaves life,. and Aurelia was remioved to the house had saved the life of Aurelia. The first of a relation, where her grief had like to have pistol was fired on each side without any proved fatal to her constitution. effect; but Mr Darnel's second wounded the "In1 the mean time, the mother was no young squire in the flank; nevertheless, sooner committed to the earth, than Mr having a pistol in reserve, he desired his an. Greaves, mindful of her exhortations, began tagonist to ask his life. The other, instead to take measures for a reconciliation with of submitting, drew his sword; and Mr the guardian. He engaged several gentle- Greaves, firing his piece into the air, followed men to interpose their good offices, but they his example. The contest then became very always met with the most mortifyingrepulse; hot, though of short continuance. I)arnel and at last Anthony Darnel declared, that being disarmed at the first onset, our young his hatred to the house of Greaves was here- squire gave him back the sword, which he ditary, habitual, and unconquerable. He was base enough to use a second time against swore he would spend his heart's blood to his conqueror. Such an instance of repeated perpetuate the quarrel; and that, sooner than ingratitude and brutal ferocity divested Mr his niece should match with young Launce- Greaves of his temper and forbearance. He lot, he would sacrifice her with his own hand. attacked Mr Anthony with great fury, and at' The young gentleman, finding his preju- the first lunge ran him up to the hilt, at the dices so rancorous and invincible, left off same time seizing with his left hand the shell makring any further advances; and, since he of his enemy's sword, which he broke in distbnd rlit impossible to obtain his consent, re- dain. Mr Darnel having fallen, the other solved -to cultivate the good graces of Aurelia, immediately mounted his horse, which he and wed her in despite of her implacable had tied to a tree before the engagement, guardian. -He fbund means to establish a and riding full speed to Ashenton, sent a literary correspondence with her as soon as surgeon to Anthony's assistance. He afterher grief was a little abated, and even to wards ingenuously confessed all these particueffect an interview after her return to her ]ars to his father, who was overwhelmed with own house; but he soon had reason to repent consternation,for the wounds of Darnel were of this indulgence. The uncle entertained judged mortal; and as no person had seen spies upon the young lady, who gave him an the particulars of the duel, MiTr Launcelot account of this meetino': in consequence of mioht have been convicted of murder. wlhich she was sud"denly hurried to some dis- On these considerations, before a warrant tant )a, rt. of the countryv which we never could could be served upon him, the old knight, by discover. dint of the most eager entreaties, accomn ADVENTURES OF SIR LAUNCELOT GREAVES. 229 panied with marks of horror and despair, my father. These affairs being discussed, _prevailed upon his son to withdraw himself he spared no pains to get intelligence confrom the kinodom, until such time as the cerning Miss Darnel; and soon learned more storm should be overblown. Had his heart of that young lady than he desired to know; been unengaged, he would have chose to for it was become the common talk of the travel; but at this period, when his whole country, that a match was agreed upon besoul was engrossed, and so violently agitated tween her and young Squire Sycamore, a by his passion for Aurelia, nothing but the gentleman of a very great fortune. These fear of seeing the old gentleman run dis- tidings were probably confirmed under her tracted, would have induced him to desist own hand, in a letter which she wrote to Sir from the pursuit of that young lady, far less Launcelot. The contents were never exactly quit the kingdonm where she resided. known but to the parties themselves; never" NWTell, tlhen, gemmrn n, he repaired to liar- theless, the effects were too visible, for, from wich, where he embarked for Holland, from that blessed moment, he spoke not one word whence he proceeded to Brussels, where he to any living creature, for the space of three, procured a passport fiom the French king, days; but was seen sometimes to shed a flood by virtue of which he travelled to Marseilles, of tears, and sometimes to burst out into a and there took a tartan for Genoa. The fit of laughing. At last he broke silence, first letter Sir Everhard received from him and seemed to wake from his disorder. He was dated at Florence. Meanwhile the sur- became more fond than ever of the exercise geon's prognostic was not altogether verified. of riding, and began to amuse himself again Mr Darnel did not die immediately of his with acts of benevolence. wounds; but he lingered a long time, as it "One instance of his generosity and juswere in the arms of death, and even partly tice deserves to be recorded in brass or marrecovered: yet, in all probability, he will ble: you must know, gemmen, the rector of never be wholly restored to the enjoyment the parish was lately dead, and Sir Everhard of his health; and is obliged every summer had premised the presentation to another to attend the hot-well at Bristol. As his clergyman. In themean time, Sir Launeclot wounds began to heal, his hatred to Mr chancing one Sunday to ride thiour )h a lane, Greaves seemed to revive with augmented vi- perceived a horse saddled and bridled, feedolence; and he is now, if possible, more than ing on the side of a fence; and, castin rf his ever determined against all reconciliation. eyes around, beheld on the other side of the "Mr Launcelot, after having endeavoured hedge an object lying extended on the ground, to amuse his imagination with a succession which he took to be the body of a murdered of curious objects, in a tour of Italy, took up traveller. He forthwith alighted, and leaphis residence at a town called Pisa, and there ing into the field, descried a man at fuh fell into a deep melancholy, from which length, wrapped in agreat coat, and writhing nothing could rouse him but the news of his in agony. Approaching nearer, he fiound it father's death. was a clergyman, in his gown and cassoc. " The old gentleman (God rest his soul) When lie inquired into the case, and offiered never held up his head after the departure his assistance, the stranger rose up, thanked of his darling Launcelot; and the dangerous him for his courtesy, and declared that lie condition of Darnel kept up his apprehen- was' now very well. The knight, who sion: this was reinforced by the obstinate thought there was somethin y mysterious in silence of the youth, and certain accounts of this incident, expressed a desire to know the his disordered mind, which he had received cause of I-is rolling in the grass in that manfrom some of those persons who take pleasure ner; and the clergoyman, wrho knew his perin communicatinff disagreeable tidings. A son, made no scruple in gratif'yillrr his curicomplication of'all these grievances, co-ope- osity.' You must know, sir,' said he, 1 rating with a severe fit of the gout and gravel, serve the curacy of your own parish; for produced a fever, which, in a few days, which the late incumbent paid me tawenty brought Sir Everhard to his long home, after pounds a-year; but this sum being scarce he had settled his affairs with heaven and sufficient to maintain my wife and children, earth, and made his peace with God and man. who are five in number, I agoreed to read I'll assure you, gelnmen, he made a rmost prayers in the afternoon at another church, edifying and christian end: he died regretted about four miles from nhence; and ior this by all his neighbours except Anthony, and additional duty I receive ten poillnds more: might be said to be embalmed by the tears as I keep a horse, it vwas formerly an aoreeor the poor, to whom he was always a boun- able exercise rather than a toil; but of late teous benefactor. years I have been afflicted with a rupture, "When the son, now Sir Launcelot, came for which I consulted the most eminent opehome, he appeared so meagre, wan, and rators in the kingdom; but I have no cause hollow-eyed, that the servants hardly knew to rejoice in the effects of their advice, their young master. His first care was to though one of them assured me I was comtake possession of his fortune, and settle ac- pletely cured. The malady is now more counts with the steward who had succeeded troublesome than ever, and often comes upon 65 230 SMOLLETT'S SELECT WORKS. me so violently while I am on horseback, that So saying, lie retired, leaving Mr Jenkins I am forced to alight, and lie down upon the incapable of uttering one syllable, so powerground, until the cause of the disorder can fully was he struck with this unexpected turn for the time be reduced.' of fortune. The presentation was immedi"Sir Launcelot not only condoled with ately made out, and in a few days Mr Jenhim upon his misfortune, but desired him to kins was put in possession of his benefice, throw up the second cure, and he would pay to the inexpressible joy of the congregation. him ten pounds a-year out of his own pocket. "Hitherto every thing went right, and'Your generosity confounds me, good sir,' every unprejudiced person commended the replied the clergyman;'and yet I ought not knight's conduct; but in a little time his to be surprised at any instance of benevo- generosity seemed to overleap the bounds of lence in Sir Launcelot Greaves; but I will discretion, and even in some cases might be check the fullness of my heart. I shall only thought tending to a breach of the king's observe, that your good intention towards peace. For example, he compelled, vi et me can hardly take effect. The gentleman armwis, a rich farmer's son to marry the who is to succeed the late incumbent, has daughter of a cottaoer, whom the young given me notice to quit the premises, as he fellow had debauched. Indeed it seems there hath provided a friend of his own for the was a promise of marriage in the case, curacy.''What!' cried the knight,'does though it could not be legally ascertained. he mean to take your bread from you, with- The wench took on dismally, and her paout assigning any other reason?''Surely, rents had recourse to Sir Launcelot, who, sir,' replied the ecclesiastic,' I know of sending for the delinquent, expostulatedwith no other reason. I hope my morals are irre- him severely on the injury he had done the proachable, and that I have done my duty young woman, and exhorted him to save her with a conscientious regard; I may venture life and reputation by performing his promise, an appeal to the parishioners, among whom in which case he (Sir Launcelot) would give I have lived these seventeen years. After her three hundred pounds to her portion. all, it is natural for every man to favour his Whether the farmer thought there was someown friends in preference to strangers. As thing interested in this uncommon offer, or for me, I propose to try my fortune in the was a little elevated by the consciousness of great city, and, I doubt not but Providence his father's wealth, lie rejected the proposal will provide ftr me and my little ones.' with rustic disdain, and said, if so be as how "'To this declaration Sir Launcelot made the wench would swear the child to him, he no reply; but riding home, set on foot a strict would settle it with the parish; but declared, inquiry into the character of this man, whose that no squire in the land should oblige him name was Jenkins. He found that he was to buckle with such a cracked pitcher. This a reputed scholar, equally remarkable for his resolution, however, he could not maintain; modesty and good life; that he visited the for in less than two hours the rector of the sick, assisted the needy, compromised dis- parish had directions to publish the banns, putes among his neighbours, and spent his and the ceremony was performed in due time in such a manner as would have done course. honour to any christian divine. Thus in- " Now, though we know not precisely the formed, the knight sent for the gentleman to nature of the alrglments that wele used with whom-the living had been promised, and ac- the farmer, we may conclude they were of costed him to this effect.-' Mr Tootle, I the minatory species, for the young fellow have a favour to ask of you. The person could not, for some time, look any person in who serves the cure of this parish, is a man the face. of good character, beloved by the people, and "The knight acted as the general redresser has a large finmily. I shall be obliged to you of grievances. If a woman complained to if vou will continue him in your curacy.' him of being ill-treated by her husband, he The other told him he was sorry he could first inquired into the foundation of the comnot comply with his request, being that he plaint, and if he found it just, catechised the had already promised the curacy to a friend defendant. If the warning had no effect, of his own.' No matter,' replied Sir Laun- and the man proceeded to fresh acts of viocelot,' since I have not interest with you, lence, then his judge took the execution of I will endeavour to provide for Mr Jenkins in the law in his own hand, and horse-whipped some other way.' the party. Thus he involved himself in "That same afternoon he walked over to several law-suits, that drained him of pretty tne curate's house, and told him that he had large sums of money. He seemed particuspoken in his behalf to Dr Tootle, but the larly incensed at the least appearance of curacy was pre-engaged. The good man oppression, and supported divers poortenants having made a thousand acknowledgements against the extortion of their landlords. for the trouble his honour had taken;'I Nay, he has been known to travel two hunhave not interest sufficient to make you cu- dled miles as a volunteer, to offer his assist-'ate,' said the knight,' but I can give you ance in the cause of a person who, he hearm, the living itself, and that you shall have.' was by chicanery and oppression wronged of ADVENTURES OF SIR LAUNCELOT GREAVES. 231 a considerable estate. He accordingly took law; against him, therefore, the first effort her under his protection, relieved her dis- of his despair was directed. He started tresses, and was at a vast expense in bring- upon the floor, and seizing a certain utensil, ing the suit to a determination; which being that shall be nameless, launched it at the unfavourable to his client, he resolved to misanthrope with such violence, that, had he bring an appeal into the house of lords, and not cautiously slipped his head aside, it is certainly would have executed his purpose, supposed that actual fire would have been if the gentlewoman had not died in the in- produced from the collision of two such hard terim." and solid substances. All future mischief At this period Ferret interrupted the nar- was prevented by the strength and agility rator, by observing, that the said Greaves of Captain Crowe, who, springing upon the was a common nuisance, and ought to be assailant, pinioned his arms to his sides, prosecuted on the statute of barretry. crying, —" O damn ye, if you are for running " No, sir," resumed Mr Clarke, " he can- a-head, I'll soon bring you to your bearings." not be convicted of barretry, unless he is al- The squire, thus restrained, soon recollectways at variance with some person or other, ed himself, and gazing upon every individual a mover of suits and quarrels, who disturbs in the apartment,-" Wounds!" said he, the peace under colour of law. Therefore " I've had an ugly dream. I thought, for all he is in the indictment styled, communis the world, they were carrying me to Newtalefactor, calumrniator, et seminator liti- gate, and that there was Jack Ketch coom urn." to vetch me before my taim." " Pr'ythee truce with thy definitions," Ferret, who was the person he had thus cried Ferret, "and make an end of thy long- distinguished, eyeing him with a look of the winded story. Thou hast no title to be so most emphatic malevolence, told him, it was tedious, until thou comest to have a coif in very natural for a knave to dream of Newthe court of common pleas." gate; and that he hoped to see the day Tom smiled contemptuous, and had just when this dream would be found a true proopened his mouth to proceed, when the com- phecy, and the commonwealth purged of all pany were disturbed by a hideous repetition such rogues and vagabonds: but it could not of groans, that seemed to issue from the be expected that the vulgar would be honest chamber in which the body of the squire was and conscientious, while the great were disdeposited. The landlady snatched the can- tinguished by profligacy and corruption. The die, and ran into the room, followed by the squire was disposed to make a practical re. doctor and the rest; and this accident natu- ply to this insinuation, when Mr Ferret pru rally suspended the narration. In like man- dently withdrew himself from the scene of ner, we shall conclude the chapter, that the altercation. The good woman of the house reader may have time to breathe, and digest persuaded his antagonist to take out his nap, what he has already heard. assuring him, that the eggs and bacon, with a mug of excellent ale, should be forthcoming in due season. The affair being thus CHAPTER V. fortunately adjusted, the guests returned to the kitchen. and Mr Clarke resumed his story in w hich this recapitulationz draws to a to this effect. close. " You'll please to take notice, gemmen, that, besides the instances I have alleged of'WHEN the landlady entered the room from Sir Launcelot's extravagant benevolence, I whence the groaning proceeded, she found could recount a great many others of the the squire lying on hisback, under the domi- same nature, and particularly the laudable nion of the night-mare, which rode him so vengeance he took of a country lawyer. I'm hard, that he not only groaned and snorted, sorry that any such miscreant should belong but the sweat ran down his face in streams. to the profession. He was clerk of the asThe perturbation of his brain, occasioned by size, gemmen, in a certain town, not a great this pressure, and the fright he had lately way distant; and having a blank pardon left undergone, gave rise to a very terrible dream, by the judges for some criminals whose cases in which he fancied himself apprehended for were attended with favourable circumstances, a robbery. The horror of the gallows was he would not insert the name of one who strong upon him, when he was suddenly could not procure a guinea for the fee; and awaked by a violent shock from the doctor; the poor fellow, who had only stole an hourand the company broke in upon his view, glass out of a shoemaker's window, was acstill perverted by fear, and bedimmed by tually executed, after a long respite, during slumber. His dream was now realized by a which he had been permitted to go abroad, full persuasion that he was surrounded by and earn his subsistence by his daily labour. the constable and his gang. The first ob- "Sir Launcelot, being informed of this ject that presented itself to his disordered barbarous act of avarice, and having some view was the figure of Ferret, who might ground that bordered on the lawyer's estate, very well have passed for the finisher cf the not only rendered him contemptible and in 932 SMOLLETT'S SELECT WORKS. famous, by exposing him as often as they met assembled. They gazed at one another in on the grand jury, but also, being vested silent horror, and when Sir Launcelot came with the property oi: the great tithes, proved forth completely armed, tookl to their heels such a troublesomle neigohbour, sometimes by in a body, and fled with the utmost precipimaking waste atlong- his hay and corn, tation. I myself was overturned in the sometimes by instituting suits against him crowd; and tiius was tune case with that very for petty trespasses, that he was fairly individual person wlho now serves him as a obliged to quit his habitation, and remove squire. Ie was so frighltened, that he could into another part of the kingdom. not rise, but lay roaring in such a manner, "All these avocations could not divert Sir that the knight came up, and gave him a Launcelot from the execution of a wild thwack with his lance across the shoulders, scheme, which has carried his extravagance which roused him with a venoeance. For my to such a pitch, that I am afraid, if a statute own part, I freely own I was not unnmoved -you understand me, gemmen-were sued, at seeing such a figure come stalking out of the jury would-I don't choose to explain a church in the grey of the morning for it myself further on this circumstance. Be recalled to my remrnembrance the idlea of the that as it may, the servants at Greavesbury- ghost in Hamlet, which I had seen acted in hall were not a little confounded, when their Drury-lane, when I made my firs't trip to master took down from the family armoury London, and I had not yet got rid of tile ima complete suit of armour, which had be- pression. longed to his great-g'randfather, Sir Marina- "Sir Lauincelot, attended by the other duke Greaves, a great warrior, who lost his knight, proceeded to the stable, from nwhence, life in the service of his king. This armour with his own hands, he drew forth one of his being scoured, repaired, and altered, so as to best horses, a fine mettlesome sorrel, who had fit Sir Latuncelot, a certain knight, whom I got blood in him, ornamented with rich trapdon't choose to name, because I believe lihe pings. In a trice, the two knighlts, and the cannot be proved compos rmentis, came down, other two strang'ers, who now appeared to seemingly on a visit, with two attendants; be trumpeters, were mounted. Sir Launceand, on the eve of the festival of St George, lot's armour was lacquered black; and on his the armour being carried into the chapel, Sir shield was represented the moon ini her first Launcelot (Iord have mercy upon us!) re- quarter, witih the motto Impleat orberm. mained all night in that dismal place alone. The trurmpets having sounded a clharge, tie and without light, though it was confidently stranger pronounced with a loud voice,reported all over the country, that the place' God preserve this gallant knight in all his was haunted by the spirit of his great-great- honourable achievements; and may he lone uncle, who, being lunatic had cut his throat continue to press the sides of his now adopted from ear to ear, and was found dead on the steed, which I denominate Bronzomarte, communion table." hoping that he will rival in swiftness anid It was observed, that, while Mr Clarke re- spirit, Bayardo, Brigliadoro, or any other hearsed this circumstance, his eyes began to steed of past or present chivalry!' After stare, andl his teeth to chatter; while Dolly, another flourish of the trumpets, all four whose looks were fixed invariably on this clapped spurs to their horses, Sir Launcelot narrator, growing pale, and hitching her couching his lance, and galloped to al-d fio, joint-stool nearer the chimney, exclaimed, in as if they had been mad, to the terror and a frightened tone, —" Mootlher, moother, in astonishment of all the spectators. the name of God, look to'un! how a quakes! " What should have induced our knirght to As I'm a precious saoul, a looks as if a saw choose this here man for his squire, is not something." Torn forced a smile, and thus easy to determine; for, of all the servants proceeded.- about the house, he was the least likely " While Sir Launcelot tarried within the either to please his master, or engage in such chapel, with the doors all locked, the other an undertaking. His name is Timothy Crabknight stalked round and round it on the out- shaw, and he acted in the capacity of whipperside, with his sword drawn, to the terror of in to Sir Everhard. He afterwards married divers persons who were present at the cere- the daughter of a poor cottager, by whom he mony. As soon as day broke, he opened one has several children, and was employed about of the doors, and, going in to Sir Launcelot, the house as a ploughman and carter. To read a book for some time, which we did sup- be sure, the fellow has a dry sort of humnour pose to be the constitutions of knight-errant- about. him; but he was universally hated ry: then we heard a loud slap, which echoed among the servants for his abusive tongue through the whole chapel, and the stranger and perverse disposition, which often brought pronounced, with an audible and solemn him into trouble; for, although the fellow is voice, —" In the name of God, St Michael, as strong as an elephant, he has no more courand St George, I dub thee knight-be faith- age naturally than a chicken-I say naturally, fuil, bold, and fortunate." You cannot ima- because, since his being a member of knighttrine, gemnmen, what an effect this strange errantry, he has done some things that appear ceremony had upon the people who were altogether incredible and preternatural. ADVENTURES OF SIR LAUNCELOT GREAVES. 233 "Timothy kept such a bawling, after he and family were removed into a snug farmhad received the blow from Sir Launcelot, house that happened to be empty, and care that every body on the field thought some of taken that they should be comfortably mainhis bones were broken; and his wife, with tained. five bantlings came snivelling to the knight, "These precautions beingtaken, the knight, who ordered her to send the husband directly one morning at day-break, mounted Bronz}o. to his house. Tim accordingly went thither, marte, and Crabshaw, as his squire, ascended groaning piteously all the way, creeping the back of a clumsy cart-horse, called Gilalong with his body bent like a Greenland bert. This again was looked upon as an canoe. As soon as he entered the court, the instance of insanity in the said Crabshaw; outward door was shut; and Sir Launcelot, for, of all horses in the stable, Gilbert was coming down stairs with a horsewhip in his the most stubborn and vicious, and had often hand, asked what was the matter with hinm like to have done mischief to Timothy while that he complained so dismally. To this he drove the cart and plough. When he question he replied, —That it was as com- was ont of hurnour, he would kick and plunge, mon as duck-weed in his country, for a mran as if the devil was in }him. He once thrust to complain when his bones were broken.' Crabshaw into the middle ofa quiclset-hedge,' What should have broken your bones?' said where he was terribly torn: another time he the knight.' I cannot guess,' answered the canted him over his head into a quagmire, other,' unless it was that delicate switch where he stuck with his heels up, and must that your honour in your mad pranks handled have perished, if people had not been passing so dexterously upon my. carcass.' Sir Laun- that way: a third time he seized him in the celot then told him there was nothing so stable with his teeth by the rim of the belly, good for a bruise as a sweat, and he had the and swung him off thle ground, to the great remedy in his hand. Timothy, eyeing the danger of his life: and I'll be hanged, if it horsewhip askance, observed that there was was not owing to Gilbert, that Crabshaw another still more speedy, to wit, a moderate was now thrown into the river. pill of lead, with a sufficient dose of gun- "Thus mounted and accoutred, the knight powder.' No, rascal,' cried the knight, and his squire set out on their first excursion.' that must be reserved for your betters.' They turned off from the common highway, So saying, he employed the instrument so and travelled all that day without mneeting effectually, that Crabshaw soon forgot his any thing worthy recounting; but, in the fractured ribs, and capered about with great morning of the second day, they were faagility. voured with an adventure. The hunim was I' When he had been disciplined in this upon a common through which they travelled, manner to some purpose, the knight told him and the hounds were in fill cry after a fox, he might retire, but ordered him to return when Crabshaw, prompted by his own Amisnext morning, when he should have a repe- chievous disposition, and nedglecting tie order tition of the medicine, provided he did not of his master, who called aloud to him to defind himself capable of walking in an erect sist, rode up to the hounds, and crossed thei-r posture. at full gallop. The huntsman, who weas not "The gate was no sooner thrown open, far off, running towards the squire, bestowed than Timothy ran home with all the speed upon his head such a memento with hnis pole, of a greyhound, and corrected his wife, by as made the landscape (lance before his eyes; whose advice he had pretended to be so and in a twinklintli he was sulrounded by all grievously damaged in his person. the foxhunters, who plied their whips aborut "Nobody dreamed that he would next day his ears with infinite agility. Sir Laluncelot present himself at Greavesbury-hall; never- advancing at an easv pace, instead of assisttheless, he was there very early in the morn- ing tile disastrous squire, exhorted his advering, and even closeted a whole hour with saries to punish him severely tor his insolence, Sir Launcelot. He came out making wry and they were not slow in obeying this In faces, and several times slapped himself on junction. Crabshaw finding himself in this the forehead, crying,-' Bodikins! thof he be disagreeable situation, and that there was no crazy, 1 an't, that I an't!' When he was succour to be expected from his master, on asked what was the matter? he said, he whose prowess he had depended, grew desbelieved the devil had got in him, and he perate. and, clubbing his whip, laid about should never be his own man again. him with great fury, wheeling about Gilbert, "That same day the knight carried him to who was not idle; for he, having received Ashenton, where he bespoke those accoutre- some of the favours intended for his rider, nients which he now wears; and while these both bit with his teeth, and kicked with his there making, it was thought the poor fellow heels; and at last made his way througnh the would have run distracted. HIe did nothing ring that encircled him, though not before he but growl, and curse, and swear to himself; had broken the huntsman's leg, lamed one of run backwards and forwards between his own the best horses on the field, and killed half a hut and Greavesbury-hall, and quarrel with score of the hounds. the horses in the stable. At length his wife'" Crabshaw, seeinrg himself clear of the 4 X* 65* 2:34 SMOLLETT'S SELECT WORKS. fray, did not tarry to take leave of his master, perceiving the discomfiture of their leader, but made the most of his way to Greavesbury- armed themselves with stones; the serjeant hall, where he appeared hardly with any ves- raised his halbert in a posture of defence, and tige of the human countenance, so much had immediately a severe action ensued. By he been defaced in this adventure. He did this time Crabshaw had drawn his sword, and not fail to raise a great clamour against Sir began. to lay about him like a devil incarnate; Launcelot, whom lie cursed as a coward in but, in a little time, he was saluted by a volley plain terms, swearing he would never serve of stones, one of which knocked out two of him another day: but whether he altered his his grinders, and brought him to the earth, mind on cooler reflection, or was lectured by where he had liked to have found no quarter; his wife, who well understood her own in- for the whole company crowded about him, terest, he rose with the cock, and went with their cudgels brandished; and perhaps again in quest, of Sir Launcelot, whom he he owed his preservation to their pressing found on the eve of a very hazardous enter. so hard that they hindered one another from prise. using their weapons. "In the midst of a lane, the knight hap- " Sir Launcelot seeing, with indignation, pened to meet with a party of about forty the unworthy treatment his squire had rerecruits, commanded by a serjeant, a corpo- ceived, and scorning to stain his lance with ral, and a drummer, which last had his drum the blood of plebeians, instead of couching it slung at his back; but seeing such a strange in the rest, seized it by the middle, and figure mounted on a high-spirited horse, he fetching one blow at the serjeant, broke in was seized with an inclination to divert his twain the halbert, which he had raised as a company. With this view, he braced his quarter-staff for his defence. The second drum, and hanging it in its proper position, stroke encountered his pate, which being began to beat a point of war, advancing the hardest part about him, sustained the under the very nose of Bronzomarte; while shock without damage; but the third, lightthe corporal exclaimed,-' D —n my eyes, ing on his ribs, he honoured the giver who have we got here!-Old King Stephen, with immediate prostration. The general from the horse armoury in the tower, or the being thus overthrown, Sir Launcelot adfellow that rides armed at my lord mayor's vanced to the relief of Crabshaw, and handled show v' The knight's steed seemed at least his weapon so effectually, that the whole as well pleased with the sound of the drum, body of the enemy were disabled or routed, as were the recruits that followed it; and before one cudgel had touched the carcass signified his satisfaction in some curvetings of the fallen squire. As for the corporal, and caprioles, which did not at all discom- instead of standing by his commanding offipose the rider, who, addressing himself to cer, he had overleaped the hedge, and run the serieant, — Friend,' said he,'you ought to the constable of an adjoining village for to teach your drummer better manners. I assistance. Accordingly, before Crabshaw would chastise the fellow on the spot for could be properly remounted, the peace his insolence, were it not out of the respect officer arrived with his posse; and by the I bear to his mnjesty's service.''Respect corporal was charged with Sir Launcelot mine a —!' cried this ferocious commander, and his squire as two highwaymen. The'what, d'ye think to frighten us with your constable, astonished at the martial figure pewter piss-pot on your skull, and your lac- of the knight, and intimidated at sight of the quered pot-lid on your arm? get out of the havoc he had made, contented himself with way, and be d -d, or I'll raise with my standing at a distance, displavino the badge nalbert such a clatter upon your target, that of his office, and remindino thile knight that you'll remember it the longest day you have he represented his majesty's person. to live.' At that instant Crabshaw arriving "Sir Launcelot, seeing the poor man in upon Gilbert,-' So, rascal,' said Sir Laun- great agitation, assured him that his design celot,'you are returned. Go and beat in was to enforce, not violate the laws. of his that scoundrel's drum-head.' country; and that he and his squire would "The squire, who saw no weapons of attend him to the next justice of peace; offence about the drummer but a sword, but, in the mean time, he, in his turn, which he hoped the owner durst not draw, charged the peace-officer with the serand being resolved to exert himself in making jeant and drummer, who had begun the atonement for his desertion, advanced to exe- flay. cute his master's orders; but Gilbert, who "The justice had been a pettifogger, and liked not the noise, refused to proceed in the was a sycophant to a nobleman in the neighordinary way. Then the squire turning his bourhood, who had a post at court. He tail to the drummer, he advanced in a retro- therefore thought he should oblige his patron grade motion, and with one kick of his heels, by showing his respect for the military; and not only broke the drum into a thousand treated our knight with the most boorish pieces, but laid the drummer in the mire, insolence; but refused to admit him into his with such a blow upon his hip-bone, that he house, until he had surrendered all his \veahalted all the days of his life. The recruits, pons of offence to the constable. Sir Laun. ADVENTURES OF SIR LAUNCELOT GREAVES. 235 celot and his squire being found the aggressors, the justice insisted upon making out CHAPTER VI. their mittimnus, if they did not find bail immediately; and could hardly be prevailed In which the reader will perceive that in. upon to agree that they should remain at the some cases madness is catching'. house of the constable, who being a publican, undertook to keep them in safe custody, MR Clarke having made an end of his until the knight could write to his steward. narrative, the surgeon thanked him for the Meanwhile he was bound over to the peace; entertainment he had received; and Mr Ferand the serjeant with his drummer were told ret shrugged up his shoulders in silent disapthey had a good action against him for assault probation. As for Captain Crowe, who used and battery, either by information or indict- at such pauses to pour in a broadside of disment. rmerbered remarks, linked together like " They were not, however, so fond of the chain-shot, he spoke not a syllable for some law as the justice seemed to be. Their sen- time; but, lighting a fresh pipe at the cantiments had taken a turn in favour of Sir die, began to roll such voluminous clouds oi Launcelot, during the course of his examina- smoke as in an instant filled the whole aparttion, by which it appeared that he was really ment, and rendered himself invisible to the a gentleman of fashion and fortune; and whole company. Though he thus shrouded they resolved to compromise the affair with- himself from their view, he did not long reout the intervention of his worship. Accord- main concealed from their hearing. They ingly, the serjeant repaired to the constable's first heard a strange dissonant cackle, which house, where the knight was lodged, and the doctor knew to be a sea-laugh, and this humbled himself before his honour, protest- was followed by an eager exclamation ofing with many oaths, that, if he had known " Rare pastime, strike my yards and tophis quality, he would have beaten the drum- masts;-I've a good mind-why shouldr'tmer's brains about his ears, for presuming to many a losing voyage I've-smite my taffrel give his honour or his horse the least dis- but I wool-" turbance; thof the fellow, he believed, was By this time he had relaxed so much in his sufficiently punished in being a cripple for fumigation, that the tip of his nose and one life. eye re-appeared; and as he had drawn his 1" Sir Launcelot admitted of his apologies, wig forwards, so as to cover his whole foreand taking compassion on the fellow who head, the figure that now saluted their eyes had suffered so severely for irhis folly, resolved was much more ferocious and terrible than to provide for his maintenance. Upon the the fire-breathing chimera of the ancients. representation of the parties to the justice; Notwithstanding this dreadful appearance, the warrant was next day discharged; and there was no indignation in his heart, but, the knight returned to his own house, at- on the contrary, an agreeable curiosity, tended by the serjeant and the drummer which he was determined to gratify. Inounted on horseback, the recruits beinog Addressing himself to Mr Fillet, —" Pr'yleft to the corporal's charge. thee, doctor," said he, " can'st tell whether "The halberdier found the good effects of a man, without being rated a lord or a baron, Sir Launcelot's liberality; and his companion or what dy'ye call um, d'ye see, mayn't take being rendered unfit for his majesty's service, to the highway in the way of a frolic d'ye by the heels of Gilbert, is now entertained see? Adad! for my own part, brother, I'm at Greavesbury-hall, where he will probably resolved as how to cruise a bit in the way of remain for life. an arrant-if so be as I can't at once be com"As f)r Crabshaw, his master gave him inander, mayhap I may be bore upon the to understand, that if he did not think him books as a petty officer or the like, d'ye see." pretty well chastised for his presumnption and' Now, the Lord forbiid " cried Clarke, flight, by the discipline he had undergone in withl tetrs in his eyes, " I'd rather see you the last two adventures, he would turn him ded than brought to suc. a dilemla.'" out of his service with disgrace. Timothy " Mayhap thou would'st," answerei tile unSaid, he believed it would be the greatest cle; "for then, my lad, there wound be some favour he could do him to turn him out picking-aha! do'st thou tip me the travelof a service in which he knew he should!er, my boy?" Tom assured him I-le corned be rib-roasted every day, and murdered at any such mercenary views: —I' i amr. only last. concerned," said he, " that you should take "In this situation were things at Greaves- any step that miclit tend to the dmisrace of bury-hall about a month ago, when I crossed yourself or your family; and I say noain, 1 the country to Ferrybridge, where I met my had rather die than live to see you r1ekoned uncle; probably this is the first incident of any other ways than compos." " Die and their second excursion; for the distance be- be d —-d! you shambling half timlbered son tween this here house and Sir Launcelot's of a," cried the choleric Crowe, " duots estate does not exceed fourscore or ninety talk to me of keeping a reckoninro and con. rmiles." pass!-I could keep a reckoning, and by, 236 SMOLLETT'S SELECT WORKS. my compass long enough before thy keel- as well as the nephew. Clarke seemed to stone was laid —Sam Crowe is not come relish the scheme; and observed, that his here to ask thy counsel how to steer his uncle, though endued with courage enough course." "'' Lord, sir," resumed the nephew, to face any human danger, had at bottom a 6consider what people will say-all the world strong fund of superstition, which he had will think you mad." " Set thy heart at acquired, or at least improved, in the course ease, Tom," cried the seaman, "I'll have a of a sea life. Ferret, who perhaps would trip to and again in this here channel. Mad l not have gone ten paces out of his road to what then, I think for my part one half of save Crowe from the gallows, nevertheless the nation is mad-and the other not very engaged as an auxiliary, merely in hope of sound-I don't see why I han't as good a seeing a fellow-creature miserable; and even right to be mad as another man. But, doc- undertook to be the principal agent in this tor, as I was saying, I'd be bound to you, if adventure. For this office, indeed, he was you would direct me where I can buy that better qualified than they could have imnasame taclle that an arrant must wear; asfor gined. In the bundle which he kept under the matter of the long-pole, headed with his great coat, there was, together with diiron, I'd never desire better than a good vers nostrums, a small phial of liquid phosboat-hook, and I could make a special good phorus, sufficient, as he had already observed, target of that there tin sconce that holds the to frighten a whole neighbourhood out of candle —maylap any blacksmith will hammer their senses. me a scull-cap, d'ye see, out of an old brass In order to concert the previous measures, kettle; and I can call my horse by the name without being overheard, these confederates of my ship, which was llMufti." retired with a candle and lanthorn into the The surgeon was one of those wags who stable; and their backs were scarce turned, can laugh inwardly, without exhibiting the when captain Crowve came in loaded with least outward mark of mirth or satisfaction. pieces of the knight's armour, which he had He at once perceived the amusement which conveyed fronm the apartment of' Sir Launcemight be drawn fiom this strange disposition lot, whorm he had left fast asleep. of the sailor, to(rether with the most likely Understanding that the rest of the conmpameans which could be used to divert him ny were gone out for a moment, he could not from such an extravagant pursuit. He there- resist the inclination he felt of conmmnunicatfore tipped Clarke the wink with one side of ing his intention to the landlady, who, with his face, while the other was very gravely her daughter, had been too much engaged in turned to the captain, whom he addressed to preparing Crabshaw's supper, to know tne this effect.-" It is not far from hence to purport of their conversation. The good Sheffield, where you might be completely woman, being informed of the captain's defitted in half a day-then you must wake sign to remain alone all night in the church, your armour in church or chapel, and be beran to oppose it with all her rhetoric. She dubbed. As fir this last ceremony, it may said it was setting his Maker at dehance, be performed by any person whatsoever. Don and a wilful runnino into temptation. She Quixote was dul:bed by his landlord; and assured him that all the country knew that there are many instances on record of er- the church was haunted by spirits and hobrants obliging aind compelling the next per- goblins; that lights had been seen in every son they met to cross their shoulders, and corner of it, and a tall wolnan in white had dub them knights. I myself would under- one night appeared upon the' top of the take to be your codfather; and I have inter- tower; that dreadful shrieks were often est enougll to procure the keys of the parish heard to come fiom the south aisle, where a church that stani(s ha.rd by; besides, this is murdered man had been buried; that she the eve of St Mlartin, who was himself a herself had seen the cross on the steeple all knight-errant, and therefore a proper patron a-fire; and one evening as she passed on to noviciate. I wish we could borrow Sir horseback, close by the stile at the entrance Launcelot's arrmour for the occasion." into the church-yard, the horse stood still, Crowe, being struck with this hint, started sweating and trembling, and had no power up, and, laying his fingers on his lips to en- to proceed until she had repeated the Lord's join silence, walked off softly on his tiptoes, prayer. to listen at the door of our knight's apart- These remarks made a strong impression ment, and judge whether or not lie was on the imagination of Crowe, who asked, in asleep. AIr Fillet took this opportunity to some confusion, if she had got that same tell his nephew that it would be in vain for prayer in print? She made no answer, but him to combat this humour with reason and reaching the prayer-book froni a shelf, and argument; but the most effectual way of di- turning tip the leaf, put it into his hand; then verting him from the plan of knight-errantry the captain, having adjusted his spectacles, would be to frighten him heartily while he began to read, or rather spell aloud, with should keep his vigil in the church. To- equal eagerness and solemnity. He had rewards the accomplishment of which purpose, freshed his memory so well as to remember he craved the assistance of the misanthrope the whole, when the doctor, returning with ADVENTURES OF SIR LAUNCELOT GREAVES. 237 his companions, gave him to understand that devotion, and returned to the public house in he had procured the key of the chancel, order to execute the essential part of their where he might watch his armour as well as project. in the body of the church, and that he was ready to conduct him to the spot. Crowe was not now quite so forward as he had ap- CHAPTER VII. peared before to achieve this adventure: he beg'an to start objections with respect to the In which the knight resumes his importanceo borrowed armour; lie wanted to stipulate the comforts of a can of flip, and a candle's end, DOCTOR FILLET having borrowed a couple during his vigil; and hinted something of of sheets from the landlady; dressed the misthe damage lie might sustain from your ma- anthrope and Tom Clarke in ghostly apparel, licious imps of darkness. which was reinforced by a few drops of liquid The doctor told himn, the constitutions of phosphorus, from Ferret's vial, rubbed on the chivalry absolutely required that lie should be foreheads of the two adventurers. Thus left in the dark alone, and fasting, to spend equipped, they returned to the church with the night in pious meditations; but if he had their conductor, who entered with them softly any fears which disturbed his conscience, he at an aisle which was opposite to a place had much better desist, and give up all where the novice kept watch. They stole thoughts of knight-errantry, which could not unperceived through the body of the church; consist with the least shadow of apprehen- and though it was so dark that they could sion. The captain, stung by this remark, not distinguish the captain with the eye, replied not a word; but, gathering up the they heard the sound of his steps, as he armour into a bundle, threw it on his back, walked backwards and forwards on the paveand set out for the place of probation, pre- ment with uncommon expedition, and an ceded by Clarke with the lanthorn. When ejaculation now and then escaped in a murthey arrived at the church, Fillet, who had mour from his lips. procured the key from the sexton, who was The triumvirate havino taken their station his patient, opened the door, and conducted with a large pew in their fiont, the two our novice into the middle of the chancel, ghosts uncovered their heads, which, by help where the armour was deposited; then bid- of the phosphorus, exhibited a pale and ding Crowe draw his hanger, committed him lambent flame, extremely dismal and ghastly to the protection of Heaven, assuring him he to the view: then Ferret, in a squeaking would come back, and find him either dead tone, exclaimed, —" Samuel Crowe! Samuel or alive by daybreak, and perform the re- Crowe!" The captain hearing. himself acnmaining part of the ceremony. So saying, costed in this manner, at such a time, and in he and the other associates shook him by the such a place, replied,-." hilloa!" and, turnhand, and took their leave, after the surgeon ing his eyes towards the quarter whence the had tilted up the lanthorn to take a view of voice seemed to proceed, beheld the terrible his visage, which was pale and haggard. apparition. This no sooner saluted his view, " Before the door was locked upon him, than his hair bristled up, his knees began to he called aloud,-" hilloa! doctor, hip- knock, and his teeth to chatter, while he another word, d'ye see-" They forthwith cried aloud, —;" In the name of God, where returned to know what he wanted, and found are you bound, ho'l" To this hail the misanhim already in a sweat. " Hark ye, brother," thrope answered,-" We are the spirits of said he, wiping his face, " I do suppose as thy grandmother Jane and thy aunt Bridget." how one may pass away the time in whistling At mention of these names Crowe's terrors the Black Joke, or singing Black Ey'd Susan, began to give way to his resentment, and he or some such1 sorrowful ditty." " By no pronounced, in a quick tone of surprise, means," cried the doctor, "such pastimes mixed with indignation,-" W" hat d'ye want are neither suitable to the place nor the oc- what d'ye want what d'ye want, ho?" casion, which is altogether a religious exer- The spirit replied, —' "WTe are sent to warn cise. If you have got any psalms by heart, thee of thy fate."'Froun whence, ho " you may sing a stave or two, or repeat the cried the captain, whose choler had by this )Doxology." "6 Would I had Tom Laverick time well nigoh triiumnphed over his fear. here,9 replied our noviciate, 1"he would sing "From heaven,' said tile voice. " Ye lie, vou anthems like a sea-mew-a had been a ye b s of hell!" did our novie e xclalim, cierrk ashore-many's the time and often I've "ye are damned for hearv.in, noi- out or my given him a rope's end for singing psalms in right, five fit.hom and a half by the le ead, in the larboard watch-would I had hired the burning brinisttone. Don't I see the blue son of a b -: to have taught me a cast of flames comoe out of your hawsve h::lls —mayhis office-but it cannot be holp, brother-if hap vou mnlv be tie devjl hinse lif fi4r aught I rwie can't go large. we must haul upon a wind, know-bh t I t rest in the L o-l, dy'e see — as the saying is —if we can't sing, we must never disratel a kinsman, dy'e see, so don's praS7y." The company again left him to his come alloi.oside of n e —pit about on t'other 238 SMOLLETT'S SELECT WORKS. tack, d'ye see —you need not clap hard releasing him instantly from his grasp,aweather, for you'll soon get to hell again " Bodikins!" cried he, "I believe as how this with a flowing sail." hause is haunted-who thought to meet with So saying, he had recourse to his paternos- Measter Laawyer Clarke at midnight, and ter; but perceiving the apparitions approach, so far from hoam." The landlady could not he thundered out,-" Avast, avast, sheer off, comprehend the meaning of this encounter; ye babes of hell, or I'll be foul of your fore- nor could Tom conceive how Crabshaw had iights." He accordingly sprung forwards transported himself thither from the room with his hanger, and very probably would below, in which he saw him quietly reposed. have set the spirits on their way to the other Yet nothing was more easy than to explain world, had he not fallen over a pew in the this mystery: the apartment below was the dark, and entangled himself so much among chamber which the hostess and her daughter the benches, that he could not immediately reserved for their own convenience: and this recover his footing. The triumvirate took particular having been intimated to the squire this opportunity to retire; and such was the while he was at supper, he had resigned the precipitation of' Ferret in his retreat, that he bed quietly, and been conducted hither in the encountered a post, by which his right eye absence of the company. Tom, recollectino sustained considerable damage; a circum- himself as well as he could, professed himstance which induced him to inveigh bitterly self of Crabshaw's opinion, that the house against his own folly, as well as the imperti- was haunted, declaring that he could not nence of his companions, who had inveigled well account for his being there in the dark; him into such a troublesome adventure. and, leaving those that were assembled to Neither he nor Clarke could be prevailed discuss this knotty point, retired down stairs, upon to revisit the novice. The doctor him- in hope of meeting with his charmer, whom self thought his disease was desperate, and, accordingly he found in the kitchen just risen, mountinog his horse, returned to his own ha- and wrapped in a loose dishabille. bitation. The noise of Crabshaw's cries had awaFerret, finding all the beds in the public kened and aroused his master, who, rising house were occupied, composed himself to suddenly in the dark, snatched up his sword sleep in a Windsor chair at the chimney that lay by his bed-side, and hastened to corner; and Mr Clarke, whose disposition the scene of tumult, where all their mouths was extreLmely amorous, resolved to renew were opened at once to explain the cause his practices on the heart of Dolly. He had of the disturbance, and make an apology reconnoitered the apartments in which the for breaking his honour's rest. lie said bodies of the knight and his squire were de- nothing, but, taking the candle in his hand, posited, and discovered, close by the top of beckoned his squire to follow him into his the stair-case, a sort of closet or hovel, just apartment, resolving to arm and take horse large enough to contain a truckle-bed, which, immediately. Crabshaw understood his from soene other particulars, he supposed to meaning; and while he shuffled on his clothes, be the bed-chamber of his beloved Dolly, who yawning hideously all the while, wished the had by this time retired to her repose. Full lawyer at the devil for having visited him so of this'idea, and instigated by the demon of unseasonably; and even cursed himself for desire,?,r Thomas crept softly up stairs, the noise he had made, in consequence of and, ]ifrion the latch of the closet door, his which he foresaw he should now be obliged heart began to palpitate with joyous expecta- to forfeit his night's rest, and travel in the tion; buit befoie he could breathe the gentle dark, exposed to the inclemencies of the effusions of his love, the supposed damsel weather. "Pox rot thee, Tom Clarke, for started up, and, seizing him by the collar a wicked lawyer!" said he to himself, with an Herculean gripe, uttered, in the voice " hadst thou been hanged at Bartelmey-tide, of Crablshaw, —" It wan't for nothing that I I should this night have slept in peace, that dreamed of Newgate, sirrah: bult I'd have I should-an I would there were a blister on thee to know, an arrant squire is not to be this plaguy tongue of mine for making such robbed by such a peddling thief as thee- a hollaballoo, that I do-five gallons of cold here I'll howld thee vast, and the devil were water has my poor belly been drenched with in thy doublet- help! murder! vire! help!" since night fell, so as my reins and my liver It was impossible for Mr Clarke to disen- are all one as if they were turned into ice, gage himself, and equally impracticable to and my whole harslet shakes and shivers speak in his own vindication; so that here like a vial of quicksilver. I have been draglie stood trembling and half-throttled, until ged, half drowned like a rotten ewe, from the whole house beino alarimed, tie landlady the bottom of a river; and who knows but and lher ostler ranl Up stairs with a candle. I may be next dragged quite dead from the VW\hen the light rendered objects visible, an bottom of a coal-pit-if so be as I am, I equal astonisihmnent prevailed on all sides: shall go to hell to be sure, for being con(Crabshawv was confounded at sight of Mr sarned like in my own moorder, that I will, VJlarke whose person he well knew; and, so I will; for a plague on it, I had no busi. ADVENTURES OF SIR LAUNCELOT GREAVES. 239 ness with the vagaries of this crazy-peated the kitchen with all the marks of horror measter of mine: a pox on him, say I." and consternation. Ile had just finished this soliloquy as he When Sir Launcelot came forth wrapped entered the apartment of his master, who in his cloak, and demanded his arms, Crabdesired to know what was become of his shaw declared that the devil bad them in armour. Timothy, understanding that it possession: and this assertion was confirmed had been left in the room when the knight by the ostler, who prete-ndei d to know the undressed, began to scratch his head in devil by his roar. Ferret sat in his corner, great perplexity; and at last declared it as maintaining the most mortifyit ng silence, and his opinion, that it must have been carried enjoying the irmpatience of' the klnight, who off by witchcraft. Then he related his ad- in vain requested an explanation of this mysventure with Tom Clarke, who (he said) teryl At lenigth his eyes began to lighten, was conveyed to his bed-side he knew not when, seizing Crabshaw in one hand, and how; and concluded with affirming they the ostler in the other, he swore by Heaven were no better than papishes who did not he would dash their souls out, and rase the believe in witchcraft. Sir Launcelot could house to the foundation, if they did not innot help smiling at his simplicity; but, as- stantly disclose the particulars of' this transsuming a peremnptory air, lie commanded action. The good woman fell on her knees, him to fetch the armour without delay, protesting, in the name of the Lord, that she that he might afterwards saddle the horses, was innocent as the child unborn, thof she in order to prosecute their journey. had lent the captain a prayer-book to learn Timothy retired in great tribulation to the the Lord's prayer, a candle and lanthorn to kitchen, where, finding the misanthrope, light him to the church, and a couple of whom the noise had also disturbed, and clean sheets for the use of the other gentlestill impressed with the notion of his being men. The knig'ht was more and more a conjuror, he ofered him a shilling if he puzzled by this declaration, when Mr Clarke, would cast a firnre, and let him know what coming into the kitchen, presented himself had become of his master's armour. with a low obeisance to his old patron. Ferret, in hope of producing more mis- Sir Launcelot's anger was immediately chief, informed him, without hesitation, that converted into surprise. He set at liberty one of tie company had conveyed it into the squire and ostler, and, stretching out his the chancel of the church, where lie would hand to the lawyer,-" Nty good friend now find it deposited; at the same time pre- Clarke," said he, " how came you hither. senting him with the key, which Mr Fillet Can you solve this knotty point which has had left in lls custody. involved us all in sucli confusion 3" The squire, who was none of those who Torn forthwith began a very circumstantial set hobgoblins at defiance, being afraid to recapitulation of what had happened to his enter the churcil alone at these hours, bar- uncle; in what manner he had been disapgained with the ostler to accompany and pointed of the estate; how he had accident-!ig'ht him with a lanthorn. Thus attended, ally seen his honour, been ena moured of his he advanced to the place, where the armour character, and become amnbitious of followlay in a heap, and loaded it upon the back ing his example. Then he related the parof his attendant without molestation, the ticulars of the plan wxiich had been laid down lance being shouldered over the whole. to divert him fionm his design: and conIn this equipage they were just going to eluded with assnuing the kIniight, that the retire, when the ostler, hearing a noise at captain was a very honest man, though he some distance, wheeled about with such ve- seemed to be a little disordered in his intellocity, that one end of the spear saluting lects. "I believe it," replied Sir Launcelot, Crabshaw's pate, the poor squire measured " madness and honesty are not incompatible his length on the ground; and, crushing -indeed I feel it by experience." the lanthorn in his fall, the light was ex- Tom proceeded to ask pardon, in his untinoguished. The ostler, terrified at these cle's name, for hav ing made so free with the effects of his own sudden motion, threw knight's armour: anil beogged his honour, for down his burden, and would have betaken the love of God, would use his authority with himself to flight, had not Crabshaw laid fast Crowe, that he might quit all thoughts of hold on his leg, that he himself might not knight-errantry, f)r which lhe was by no be deserted. The sound of the pieces clat- means qualified; for, being totally ignorant tering on the pavement roused Captain of the laws of the land, he would be continuCrowe from a trance of slumber, in which ally committing trespasses, and brinro himhe had lain since the apparition vanished: self into trouble. He said, in case hle slhould and he hallooed, or rather bellowed, with prove refractory, lie might be apprehend(ed vast vociferation. Timothy and his friend by virtue of a fiiendlv warrant, for lavtinnr were so intimidated by this terrific strain, feloniously carried off the knight's accoutrethat they thlou'llt no more of the armour, ments. "Takino away another mnan's but ran hionme arm in arm, and appeared in movables," said he, and personal goods 240 SMOLLETT'S SELECT WORKS. against the will of the owner, isifurteum and so your ambition is commendable. But tofelony according to the statute; different in- wards the practice of' chivalry there is somedeed from robbery, which implies putting in thing more required than the virtues of coufear on the king's highway, in calta via regia rage and generosity. A 1knight-errant ought violenter etfelonice captiem et asportctu,m, to underst.and the sciences, to be master of in magnum. terrorem, ~c.; for if the robbery ethics or morality, to be well versed in thebe laid in the indictment as done in qztadamn ology, a compllete casuist, anLd minutely acvia pedestri, in a footpath, the offender will quainted with the laws of his country. He not be ousted of his clergy. It must be in should not only be patient of cold, hunger, alta via regria; and your honour will please and fatigue, rigolteous, just, and valiant, but to take notice, that robberies committed on also chaste, religious, temperate, polite, and the river Thames are adjudged as do~e in conversable; and have all his passions under alta via regia; for the king's high-stream is the rein, except love, whose empire he should all the same as the king's highway." submissively acknowledge." -le said, this Sir Launcelot could not help smiling at was the very essence of chivalry; and no Tom's learned investigation. Hle congratu- man had ever made such a profession of lated him on the progress he had made in arms, without first having placed his affecthe study of the law. kHe expressed his con- tion upon some beauteous object, for whose cern at the strangoe turn the captain had ta- honour, and at whose command, he would ken, and promised to use his influence in cheerfully encounter themost dreadful perils. persuading him to desist from the preposter- HIe took notice, that nothing could be oius design he had formed. more irrerular than the Inanner in which The lawyer, thus assured, repaired imme- Crowe had attempted to keep his vigil; for diately to the church, accompanied by the he had never served his noviciate-he had squire, and held a parley with his uncle, who, not prepared himself with abstinence and when he understood that the knight in per- prayer —he had not provided a qualified godson desired a conference, surrendered up the father for the ceremony of dubbing-he had arms quietly, and returned to the public no armour of his own to wake; but, on the house. very threshold of chivalry, which is the perSir Launcelot received the honest seaman fection of justice, had unjustly purloined the wxith his usual complacency; and, perceiving arms of another knight. That this was a great discomposure in his looks, said he was mere mockery of a religious institution, and sorry to hear he had passed such a distagree- therefore unpleasing in the sight of Heaven Tble ni/ht to so little purpose. Crowe, hay- witness the demons and hobgoblins that were inc recruited his spirits with a bumper of permitted to disturb and torment him in his brandy, thanked him for his concern, and trial. ohbserved, that he had passed many a hard Crowe having listened to these remarks night'n his time; but such another as this withll earnest attention, replied, after some he would not be boutnd to weather for the hesitation,-" I am bound to you, brother, command of the whole British navy. " I for your kind and christian counsel-I doubt have seen Davy Jones in the shape of a blue as how I've steered by a wrong chart, d'ye flame, c'?ye see, hopping to and fro on the see-as for the matter of the sciences, to be sprit-sail -vxad-arm; and I've seen your Jacks- sure, I lknow plain sailing and AMlercator, and o'-the-lanthorn, and Wills-o'-the-wisp, and am an indificerent good seaman, thof I say it many such spirits, both by sea and land; but that should not say it: but as to all the rest, to-niht I've been boarded by all the devils no better than the viol-block or the geer-capand damnied souls in hell, squeakino and stan. Religion I hian't much overhauled; squalline, and glimmering and glaring. and dwe tars laugh at your polite conversaBounce wxxent the door-crack went the pew tion, thof, mayhap. we can chant a few bal— crash ciune the tackle —white sheeted lads to keep the hands awake in the nightglhosts danciiig in one corner by the glowv- watch; then for chastityI, brother, I doubt worm's lioht —black devils hobblino in ano- that's not expected in a sailor just come ther —Lord have mercy upon us! and I was ashore, after a long voyage —sure all those hailed, Tom, I was, by my grandmother poor hearts won't he damned for steering in Jane and miy Aunt Br1ido t, d'ye see-a coli- the wake of nature. As for a sweetheart, pl1e of dainn'd —but they're roasting, that's Bet Mizen of St Catharine's would fit mie to one conlbrt, my lad." a hair-she and I are old messmates: and When he had thus disburdened his con- what signifies tallking, brother? she knows science, Sir Launcelot introduced the sub- already the trim ofmy vessel, d'ye see." lie ject of the new occupantion at- xThichl he as- concluded vith saving,-" fle thought he pired. " I urnderstand," said he, h6 that you wan't too old to learn; and if Sir Launcelot iire desirous of trea.diro' the paths of errantry, wonld take him in tow, as his tender, lie which, I assure you, are tlhorny and trouble- uwould stand by him all weathers, and it sonme. Nevertheless,:as your purpose is to should not cost his consort a farthing's exexercise your' human ity and benevolence, pense." ADVENTURES OF SIR LAUNCELOT GREAVES. 241 The knight said, he did not think himself man, what may his distemper be?" ".Madof consequence enough to hlave such a pupil, ness," answered Sir Launcelot. "Bodibut should always be ready to give him his I kins," exclaimed the squire, "I doubt as best advice; as a specimen of which, he ex- how other volks are leame of the same leghorted him to weigh all the circumstances, but a'n't vor such small gentry as he to be and deliberate calinly and leisurely, before mad; they mun leave that to their betters." he actualiy engaged in such a boisterous "You seem to hint at me, Crabshaw: do profession, assuring him, that if, at the end of you really think I am mad?" " I may say three months, his resolution should continue, as how I have looked your honour in the he would take upon hiniself the office of his mouth; and a sorry dog should I be, if I did instructor. In the mean time, he gratified not know your humours as well as I know the hostess for his lodging, put on his armour, e'er a beast in the steable at Greavesburytook leave of the company, and mounting hall." " Since you are so well acquainted Bronzomarte, proceeded southerly, being at- with my madness," said the knight, "what tended by his squire Crabshaw, grumbling, opinion have you of yourself, who serve and on the back of Gilbert. follow a lunatic?".. I hope I han't served your honour for nothing, but I shall inherit some of your cast vagaries-]When your hoCHAPTER VIII. nour is pleased to be mad, I should be very sorry to be found right in my senses. TimnoIWhich iswithlin a hair's brealth of proving thy Crabshaw will never eat the bread of hi/ghly interesting. uruthankfillness-it shall never be said of him, that he was wiser than his Feaster: as LEAvIoG Captain Crowe and his nephew fior the matter of following a madman, we for the present, though they, and even thle may see your honour's face is made of a misanthrope, will re-appear in due season, fiddle; every one that looks on you, loves we are now obliged to attend the progress you." This compliment the knight returned, or the knight, who proceeded in a southerly by saying,-" If my face is a fiddle, Crabdirection, insensible of the stormn that blew, shaw, your tongue is a fiddlestick that plays as well as of the darkness, which was hor- upon it —yet your music is very disagreerible. For some time, Crahshaw ejaculated able —you don't keep time." "Nor you curses in silence; till at length his anger neither, measter," cried Timothy, "or we gave way to his fear, which waxed so strong shouldn't be here wandering about under upon him, that he could no longer resist the cloud of ni.oh, like sheep-stealers, or evil desire of alleviating it, by entering into a spirits with troubled consciences." conversation with his master. By way of HIere the discourse was interrupted by a introduction, he gave Gilbert the spur, direct- sudden disaster; in consequence of which, insl him towards the flank of Bronzomarte, the squire uttered an inarticulate roar, that -whiclh he encountered with such a shock, startled the knight himself, who was very that the knight was almost dismounted. little subject to the sensation of fear; but WV'hen Sir Launcelot, with some warmth, his surprise was changed into vexation, xwhen asked the reason of this attack, the squire he perceived Gilbert without a rider passing reh!ied in these words, —" The devil, God by, and kicking his heels with great agility. bless us, mun he playing his pranks with He forthwith turned his steed, and riding Gillbert too, as sure as I'm a living soul- back a few paces, found Crabslihaw rising I'se wao-er a teaster, the fIul fiend has lef frfom the ground. When he asked what was tihe searnan, and got into Gilbert, that he beconie of his horse, he answered, in a whim]has-wvhein a has passed through an ass and poring tone,-" Horse! would I could once a horse, l'se marvel what beast a will get see himn fairly carrion for the hounds —for into next." "Probably into a mule," said my part, I believe as how'tis no horse, but the Tknight; "in that case, you will be in a devil incarnate; and yet I've been worse some danger-but I can, at any time, dis- mounted, that I have —I'd like to have rid a possess you with a horsewhip." "Aye, horse that was foaled of an acorn." aye," answvered Timothy, " your honour has This accident happened in a hollow way, a mortal good hand at giving a flap with a overshadowed with trees, one of which the fox's tail, as the saying is —'is a wonderment storm had' blown down, so that it lay over you did not try your ha.nd on that there wise- the road, and one of its boughs projecting:;cre t.hat stole your honour's hiarness, and horizontally, enconte red the squire as he wants to be an arrant, with a murrain to'un. trotted alo;ng in the dia:h. Chancnlno to hitch Lord help his fool's head! it beconies him as un.der his long' chino h e could not diseno'aoe a sow doth a cart-saddle." " T..he-e is no hiniself, hut hutcr h lo spended like a flitch of gtuilt in infirmity," said the knight; I' ] punish bacon; while Gilbert, pushing forward, let the vicious only. T would your honour him danngling, anod, byr his awkward gambols would punish Gilbtu't then," criedu tth'e squire, seemedq to be pleased with the joke. This'for'tis the most vicious tiuoaod tlhat ever I capricious animal wvas not retaken without aid a leg over —bu as to that same seafaring the personal endeavours of the knight; for 4 Y* 66 `242 SMOLLETT'S SELECT WORKS. Crabshaw absolutely refusing to budge afoot both sides, i'faith. But, I hope, as by the from his honour's side, he was obliged to blessing of God I have run mad, so I shall alight, and f;sten Bronzomarte to a tree; in good time grow valiant, under your ho. then they set out together, and, with some nour's precept and example." difficulty, found Gilbert with his neck stretch- By this time a very disagreeable night ed over a five-barred gate, snuffing up the was succeeded by a fair, bright morning, and morning air. The squire, however, was not a market town appeared at the distance of remornnted without first having undergone a three or four miles, when Crabshaw, having severe reprehension from his master, who no longer the fear of hobgoblins befbre his upbraided him with his cowardice, threat- eyes, and being moreover cheered by the ened to chastise him on the spot, and de- sight of a place where he hoped to meet clared that he would divorce his dastardly with comfortable entertainment, began to soul from his body, should he ever be incom- talk big, to expatiate on the folly of' being moded or affronted with another instance afraid, and finally set all danger at defiance; of his base-born apprehension. when all of a sudden he was presented with Though there was some risk in carrying an opportunity of putting in practice those on the altercation at this juncture, Timothy, new adopted maxims. In an opening behaving bound up his jaws, could not with- tween two lanes, they perceived a gentlestand the inclination he ihad to confute his man's coach stopped by two highwaymen on master. He therefore, in a muttering accent, horseback, one of whom advanced to reconprotested, that, if the kni.ght would give noitre and keep the coast clear, while tho him leave, he should prove that his honour other exacted contribution fiom the travel had tied a knot with his tongue, which he lers in the coach. Hle who acted as centinel, could not untie with all his teeth.-' How, no sooner saw our adventurer appearing caitiff," cried Sir Launcelot, " presumne to firom the lane, than he rode up with a pistol contend with me in argument!" " Your in his hand, and ordered him to halt on pain mouth is scarce shut," said the other, " since of immediate death. you declared that a man was not to be pun. To this peremptory mandate the knight ished for madness, because it was a distem- made no other reply than charging him with per; now I will maintain that cowardice is such impetuosity, that he was unhorsed in a a distemper, as well as madness; for nobody twinkling, and lay sprawling on the ground, would be at,:aid, if he could help it." "There seemingly sore bruised with his fall. Sir is more logic in that remark," resumed the Launcelot commanding Timothy to alight knight, "than I expected fiom your clod- and secure the prisoner, couched his lance, pate, Crabshaw; but I must explain the and rode fill speed at the other highwvay. difference between cowardice and madness. man, who was not a little disturbed at sight Cowardice, thouogh sometimes the effect of of such an apparition. Nevertheless, he natural imbecility, is generally a prejudice fired his pistol without effect; and, clapping of education, or bad habit contracted from spurs to his horse, fled away at full gallop. misinformeation, or misappiehension; and The knight pursued him with all the speed may certainly be cured by experience, and that Bronzomarte could exert: but the robthe exercise of reasonl; but this remedy can- ber being mounted on a swift hunter, kept not be applied ill madness, which is a priva- him at a distance; and after a chase of tion or disorder of reason itself." "So is several miles, escaped through a wood so cowardice, as I'm a living soul," exclaimed entangled with coppice, that Sir Launcelot the squire; " don't you say a man is fright- thought proper to desist. HIe then, for the ened out of his senses? for my peart, meas- first time, recollected the situation in which ter, I can neither see nor hear, much less he had left the other thief, and remembering arogufv, wvben I'm in such a quandary; where- to have heard a female shriek as he passed foe, I do believe, odds bodikins! that cow- by the coach window, resolved to return ardice and madness are both distempers, and with all expedition, that he might make a differ no more than the hot and cold fits proffer of his service to the lady, according of an ague. When it teakes your honour, to the obligation of kniolt-errantry. But he you're aii heat, and fire, and fury, Lord had lost his svay; ani after an hour's ride, bless u:!'!,ub when it catches poor Tim, he's during which he traversed many a field, and cold and udad-hearted, he sheakes and shivers circled divers hedoges, he found himself in like an aspen l]eaf, that he does." "In that the market town afore mentioned. Here the case," a nswered the knight, "I shall not first object that presented itself to his eyes, punish yeo, for the distemper which you can- was Crabshaw on foot surrotunded by a mob, not hell), but for engaginrg in a service ex- tearing his hair, stamping' with his feet, and posed to pe.ils. wh-en you knew your own roaring out in manifest distraction,-" Show infirmity': i-:. the same manner as a man de- me the mayor, for the lBve of God, shoyW me,eurves puni-shmrnent, who enlists himself for a the mayor 0 Gilbert, Gilbertrt! a murrain euoldier, while he Inbours under any secret tae thee,iibert sure th!ou, wast foaled for:isease." " At that rate," said the squire, ry destruction''my bread is ilie to be rarely buttered o' From these exclamations, and the antic ADVENTURES OF SIR LAUNCELOT GREAVES, 243 ~vess of the squire, the people, not without the footmen who attended the coach, he inlreason, concluded that the poor soul had lost printed a kiss on his forehead; and hanging his wits: and the beadle was just going to about his neck, with the tears in his eyes, secure him, when the knight interposed, and hailed his return with the following salutaat once attracted the whole attention of the tion:-" Art thou come back, mly darling? populace. Timothy seeing his master, fell ah Gilbert, Gilbert! a pize upon thee! thou down on his knees, crying,-" The thief has hadst like to have been a dear Gilbert to me! run away with Gilbert —you may pound me how couldst thou breal the heart of thy old into a peast, as the saying is: but now I'se friend, who has known thee from a colt' as mad as your worship, an't afeard of the seven years next grass have I fed thee and devil and all his works." Sir Launcelot de- bred thee; provided thee with sweet hay, siring the beadle would forbear, was instantly delicate corn, and fresh litter, that thou obeyed by that officer, who had no inclina- mought lie warm, dry, and comfortable. tion to put the authority of his place in com- Ha'n't I currycombed thy carcass till it was petition with the power of such a figure, as sleek as a sloe, and cherished thee as the armed at all points, mounted on a fiery apple of mine eye? for all that thou hast steed, and ready for the combat. He ordered played me a hundred dog's tricks; biting Crabshaw to attend him to the next inn, and kicking and plunging, as if the devil was where he alighted; and taking him into a in thy body; and now thou could'st run away separate apartment, demanded an explana- with a thief, and leave inme to be flayed alive tion of the unconnected words he had ut- by rneaster: what canst thou say for thyself, tered. thou cruel, hard-hearlted unchristiani tioad 7" The squire was in such agitation, that, To this tender expostulation, which afiorded with infinite difficulty, and by dint of a thou- much entertainment to the boys, Giibert ansand different questions, his master learned swered not one word; but seemed altogether the adventure to this effect: —Crabshaw, insensible to the caresses of Timothy, who according to Sir Launcelot's command, had forthwith led him into the stable. On the alighted from his horse, and drawn his cut- whole, he seems to have been an unsocial lass, in hope of intimidating the discomfited animal; for it does not appear that he ever robber into a tame surrender, though he did contracted any degree of intimacy, even with not at all relish the nature of the service; but Bronzomarte, during the whole course of the thief was neither so much hurt, nor so their acquaintance and fellowship. On the tame, as Timothy had imagined. HEe started contrary, he has been more than once known on his feet with his pistol still in his hand; to signify his aversion, by throwing out beand, presenting it to the squire, swore, with hind, and other eruptive marks of contempt dreadful imprecatiois, that he would blow for that elegant charger, who excelled him as his brains out in an instant. Crabshaw, nn- much in personal merit, as his rider Timowilling to hazard the trial of this experiment, thy was outshone by his all-accomplished turned his back, and fled with great precipi- master. tation; while the robber, whose horse had While the squire accommodated Gilbert in run away, mounted Gilbert, and rode off the stable, the knight sent for the footman across the country. It was at this period, who had brought him back; and, having prethat two footmen belonging to the coach, sented him with a liberal acknowledo'ement, who had staid behind to take their morning's desired to know in what manner the horse whet at the inn where they lod ed, canie up had been retrieved. to the assistance of the ladies, armed with The stranger satisfied him in this particublunderbusses; and the car-iace proceeded, lar, by giving him to understand, that the leaving Timothy alone in distraction and de- highwayman, perceiring himself pursued spair. He knew not which way to turn, and across the country, plied Gilbert so severely was afraid of remaining on the spot, lest the with whip and spur, that the animal resented robbers should conme back, and i'evenge the usage, and being besides, perhaps, a little themselves upon him for the disappointment struck with remorse for having lefti his old they had undergone. In this distress, the friend Crabshaw, suddenly halted, and stood first. thouffht that occurred, was to make the stock still, notwithstandiing all tile stripes best of his way to the town, and demand the and tortures he underwent: or if lie moved assistance of the civil magistrate towards at all, it was in a retrograde direction. The the retrieval of what he had lost; a design thief, seeingo all his endeavours inefi'ectual, which he executed in such a manner, as and himself in danger of being overtaken, justly entailed upon him the imputation of wisely quitted his acquisition, and fled into lunacy. the bosom of a neighbotringr wood. While Timothy stood frontin~ the win- Then the knioht inquired about the situadow, and answerinog the interrorations of his tion of the lady in tie coacnh antl offered master, he suddenly exclaimed, —" Bodikins! himself as }er uo'nartl aid condtitr l t; tt there's Gilbert!" and spruny into the street was told that she wvshs all'erv a.fl;V ilodiveA with incredible agility. Thleure finding his in the house of a oentleman t3 {sctle distanLef strayed companion brought, back by onie of fiom the road. Ite likewise illearned tat she 244 SAMOLLETT'S SELECT WORKS. was a person disordered in her senses, under I for ever!" This acclamation, however, was the care and tuition of a widow lady her re- not so loud or universal, but that our advenlation, and that in a day or two they should turer could distinctly hear a counter-cry from pursue their journey northward to the place the populace, of —" No slavery,-No popish of her habitation. pretender;" an insinuation so ill relished by After the footman had been some time dis- the cavaliers, that they began to ply their missed, the knight recollected that he had horsewhips among the multitude, and were, forgot to ask the name of the person to in their turn, saluted with a discharge or whomn he belonged; and begoan to be uneasy volley of stones, dirt, and dead cats; in conat this omission, which indeed was nmore in- sequence of which some teeth were demo terestinog than he could inmagine: for an ex- lished, and many surtouts defiled. pianation of this nature would in all likeli- Our adventurer's attention was soon called hood, have led to a discovery, that the lady off from this scene, to contemplate another in the coach was no other than Miss Aurelia procession of people on foot, adorned with Darnel, who seeing himn unexpectedly in bunches of orange ribands, attended by a such an equipage and attitude, as he passed regular band of music, playing —" God save the coach (fTOr his helmet was off), had great George our king," and headed by a thin screamed with surnprise and terror, and faint- swarthy personage, of' a sallow aspect, and ed away. Nevertheless, when she recovered large goggling eyes, arched over with two from her swoon, sle concealed the real thick semicircles of hair, or rather bristles, cause of her agitation, and none of her at- jet black, and frowzy. I-is apparel was very tendants were acquainted with the person gorgeous, though his address was very awkof Sir Launcelot. ward; he was accompanied by the mayor, reThe circumstances of the disorder under corder, and heads of the corporation, in their which site was said to labour, shall be re- formalities. His ensigns were known by the vealed in due course. In the mean time, our inscription,-" Liberty of conscience, and adventurer, thouhou unaccountably affected, the protestant succession;" and the people never dreamed of' such an occurrence; but saluted him as he passedwith repeated cheers, being very much fatigued, resolved to in- that seemed to prognosticate success. He demnify himself for the loss of last night's had particularly ingratiated himself with the repose: andl this happened to be one of the good women, who lined the street, and sent few things in which Crabshaw felt an am- forth many ejaculatory petitions in his favour. bition to follow his master's example. Sir Launcelot immediately comprehended the meaning of this solemnity: he perceived it was the prelude to the election of a memCHtAPTER IX. ber to represent the county in parliament, and he was seized with an eager desire to Which may serve to show that true patriot- know the names and characters of the comism is of no p1arty. petitors. In order to gratify this desire, he made THE knight had not enjoyed his repose above repeated applications to the bell-rope that two hours, when he was disturbed by such a depended from the ceiling of his apartment; variety of noises, as might have discomposed but this produced nothing, except the repea brain of the firmest texture. The rumbling tition of the words,-" Coming, sir," which of carriages, and the rattling of horses feet echoed from three or four different corners on the pavement, was intermingled with loud of the house. The waiters were so distracted shouts, and the noise of fiddle, French-horn, by a variety of calls, that they stood motionand bagpipe. A loud peal was heard ringing less in the state of the schoolman's ass be. in the church-tower, at some distance, while tween two bundles of hay, incapable of the inn resounded with clamour, confusion, determining where they should first offer and uproar. their attendance. Sir Launcelot'beinog thlls alarmed, started Our knight's patience was almost exfrom iis bed, and running to the window, hausted, when Crabshaw entered the room, beheld a cavalcade of persons well mounted, in a very strange equipagoe: one half of his and distingluished by blue cockades. They face appeared close shaved,,and the other were oeneraiiy attired like jockeys, with gold- covered with lather, while the blood trickled laced hats and buckskin breeches, and one of in two rivulets friom his nose, upon a barber's tither bore a standard of blue silk, inscribed cloth thiat was tucked under his chin; he -t white leters, —" Liberty and the landed looked grim with indignation, and under his intelest." I-e who rode at their head was left: arm carried his cutlass, unsheathed. aj oly figure, of a florid comlnplexion and round Whe re he had acquired so muchl of the prohe ly, seemirn-ly turned of fifty, and, in all fession of knihLt-errantry we shall not preappjearance, of a chloleric disposition. As tend to determine; but certain it is, he fell they apu'roa hed the market-place, they on hIis knees before Sir Launcelot, crying, raved their hats, huzza'd, and cried aloud, with an accent of orief and distraction, —" In -" No foreign connections!-Old England the name of St George for England, I beg a ADVENTURES OF SIR LAUNCELOT GREAVES. 245 boon, sir knight, and thy compliance I de- the mayor, who was himself a manufacturer, mand, before the peacock and the ladies." had received a very considerable order for Sir Launcelot, astonished at this address, exportation, in consequence of which it was replied, in a lofty strain, —" Valiant squire, believed he would support Mr Vanderpeift thy boon is granted, provided it doth not with all his influence and credit. contravene the laws of the land, and the con- Sir Launcelot, roused at this intelligence, stitutions of chivalry."' Then I crave called fbr his armour, which being buckled leave," answered Crabshaw, " to challenge on in a hurry, he mounted his steed, attended and defy to mortal combat that caitif barber by Crabshaw on Gilbert, and rode immediately who hath left me in this piteous condition; into the midst of the intiltitude by which the and I vow by the peacock, that I will not hustings were surroundeli, just as Sir Valenshave my beard, until I have shaved his head tine Quickset began to harangue the people from his shboulders: so may I thrive in the fiom an occasional theatre, formed of a plank occupation of an arrant squire." supported by the upper board of the public Before his rnaster had time to inquire into stocks, and an inferior rib of a wooden cage particulars, they were joined by a decent pitched also for the accommodation of petty man in boots, who was likewise a traveller, delinquents. and had seen the rise and progress of Timo-' Though the singular appearance of Sir thy's disaster. He gave the knight to under- Launcelot at first attracted the eyes of all stand, that Crabshaw had sent for a barber, the spectators, yet they did not fail to yield and already undergone one half of the ope- attention to the speech of his brother knioglt, ration, when the operator received the long- Sir Valentine, which ran in the fbllowing expected message from both the gentlemen strain:-" Gentlemen vreeholders of this here who stood candidates at the election. The county, I shan't pretend to meake a vine double summons was no sooner intimated to vlourishing speech —I'm a plain spoken man, him, than he threw down his bason, and re- as you all know. I hope I shall always speak tired with precipitation, leaving the squire in my maind without vear or vavour, as tlhe the suds. Timothy, incensed at this deser- zaying is.'Tis the way of the Quicksetstion, followed him with equal celerity into we are no upstarts, no vorreigners, nor have the street, where he collared the shaver, and we any Jewish blood in our veins; we have insisted upon being entirely trimmed, on pan lived in this here neighbourhood time out of the bastinado. The other, finding himiself of mindl, as you all know; and possess an thus arrested, and having no time to spare estate of vive thousand clear, which we spend for altercation, lifted up his fist, and dis- at whoam, among you, in old English hIoscharged it upon the snout of Crabshaw, with pitality.-All my vorevathers have been parsuch force that the unfortunate aggressor liament-men, and I can prove that ne'er a, was fain to bite the ground, while the victor one o'um gave a zingle vote for thle court hastened away, in hope of touching the since the revolution. Vor myv own peart, I double wages of corruption. value not the ministry three skips of a louse, The knight being informed of these circumn- as the zayino is-I ne'er knew but one stances, told'Timothy with a smile, that he minister that was an honest man; and vor should hlave liberty to defy the barber; but, in all the rest, I care not if they were hanged the mean time, he ordered him to saddle as higuh as Iamnan, with a pox tu'on —- I am, Bronzomarte, and prepare for imlnlediate thank God, a vree-born, true-hearted Engservice. aWhile the squire was thus ern- lishmlan, and a loyal, thlof unwortyli son of ployed, his master enga-ged in conversation the church —vor all they Ihave done vor with the stranger, who happened to be a H1:r, I'd vain know what they have done London dealer travelling for orders, and was vor the chulrc!l, with a venllgeance —vor my well acquainted with the particulars which own peart, I hate all vorreiners, and vorour adventurer wanted to kniow. reign measures, wIhereby this poor nation is It was from this cornmunicative tradesman broken-backed with a dismal load of debt; he learned, that the competitors were Sir and taxes rise so high that the poor cannot Valentine Quickset and l]dr Isaac Vander- get bread. Gentlemen vreeholders of this pelft; the first a mere fox-hunter, who de- county,. I value no minister a vig's end, d'ye pended for success in this election upon his see; if you will vavour me mwith your votes interest anmon(T the hiigh-flying gentry; the and interest, whereby I may be returned, other a stock-jobber and contractor, of foreign I'll engage one half of my estate that I never extract, not without a mixture of Hebrew cry yea to your shillinus in the pound, but blood, immensely rich, who was coutnte- will cross the ministry in every thing, as in nanced by his grace of, and supposed duty bound, and as becomes an honest vreeto have distributed laroge stums in securinc a holder in the ould interest —but, if you sel. majority of votes among the yeomanry of the your votes and your country for hllre, you wil country, possessed of small fieeholds, and be detested in this here world, and damned copyhol]ders, a great nuniber of which last in the next to all eternity; so I leave every resided in this borou.gh. He said these were man to his own conscience.' generally dissenters and weavers; and that This eloquent oration was received by his 66* 246 SMOLLETT'S SELECT WORKS. own friends with loud peals of applause: the high court of parliament. This is your which, however, did not discourage his cor- birthright, inherited from your ancestors, petitor, who, confident of his own strength, obtained by their courage, and sealed with ascended the rostrum, or, in other words, an their blood. It is not only your birthright old cask, set upright for the purpose. Having which you should maintain, in defiance of all bowed all round to the audience, with a smile danger, but also a sacred trust, to be executed of gentle condescension, he told them how with the most scrupulous care and fidelity. ambitious lie was of the honour to represent The person whom you trust ougoht not only this county in parliament; and how happy to be endued with the most inflexible integhe found himself in the encouragement of rity, but should likewise possess a fund of his friends, who had so unanimously agreed knowledge that may enable him to act as a to support his pretensions. He said, over part of the legislature. He must be well and above the qualification he possessed acquainted with the history, the constitution, among' them, he had fourscore thousand and the laws of his country; he must underpounds in his pocket, which he had acquired stand the forms of business, the extent of by commerce, the support of the nation, un- the royal prerogative, the privilege of parder the present happy establishment, in de- liamrnent, the detail of government, the nature fence of which he was ready to spend the and regulation of the finances, the different last iarthing. He owned himself a faithful branches of commerce, the politics that presubject to his majesty king George, sincerely vail, and the connections that subsist among attached to the protestant succession, in de- the different powers of Europe; for on all testation and defiance of a popish, an ab- these subjects the deliberations of a house iured, and outlawed pretender; and declared of commons occasionally turn: but these that he would exhaust his substance and his great purposes will never be answered by blood, if necessary, in maintaining the prin- electing an illiterate savage, scarce qualified, ciples of the glorious revolution. "This," in point of understanding, to act as a country cried he, " is the solid basis and foundation justice of peace; a man who has scarce ever upon which I stand." travelled beyond the excursion of a foxThese last words had scarce proceeded chase, whose conversation never rambles from his mouth, when the head of the barrel farther than his stable, his kennel, and his or puncheon on which he stood, being frail barn-yard; who rejects decorum as degeneand infirm, gave way: so that down he went racy; mistakes rusticity for independencewith a crash, and in a twinkling disappeared ascertains his courage by leaping over gates from the eyes of the astonished beholders. and ditches, and founds his triumph on feats The fox-hunters, perceiving his disaster, ex- of drinkinog: who holds his estate by a facclaimed, in the phrase and accent of the tious tenure: professes himself the blind chase,-" Stole away! stole away!" and, slave of a party,. without knowing the prin. with hideous vociferation, joined in the syi- ciples that gave it birth, or the motives by van chorus which the hunters halloo when which it is actuated; and thinks that all the hounds are at fault. patriotism consists in railing indiscriminately The disaster of Mr Vanderpelft was soon at ministers, and obstinately opposing every repaired by the assiduity of his fiiends, who measure of the administration. Such a man, disengaged hinm fioni the barrel in a trice — wri:h no evil intentions of his own, might be hoisted him on the shoulders of four strong used as a dtnoerous tool in the hands of a weavers, and, resenting the unmannerly ex- desperate faction, bj- scattering the seeds of ultation of their antapgonists, began to form disaffection, eraberr-rssing the wheels of govthemselves in order of battle. eminent, and reducing the whole kingdom An obstinate fray would have undoubtedly to anarchy." ensued, had not their mutual indignation Here the knighlt was interrupted by the given way to their curiosity, at the motion of shouts and acclamations of the Vanderpelfour knight, who had advanced into the middle ites, who cried aloud,-" Hear him! hear between the two fronts, and waving his hand him! long life to the iron-cased orator." as a signal for them to give attention, ad- This clamour subsidlong, hi prosecuted his dressed himself to them, with graceful de- harangue to the followin; effect: mleanour, in these words,-" Countrymen, "4 Such a man as I have described may be friends, and fellow-citizens, you are this day dangerous fiom igolorance; but is neither so assembled to determine a point of the utmost mischievous nor so detestable as the wretch consequence to yourselves and your poste- who knowingly betrays his trust, and sues to Slty: kt point that ought to be determined by be the hireling and prostitute of a weak and far other weapons than brutal force and fac- worthless minister: a sordid knave, without tious clamour. You, the freemen of Eng- honour or principle; who belongs to no land, are the basis of that excellent consti- family, whose example can reproach him tution which hath lonr flourished the object with degeneracy, who has no country to of envy and admiration. To you belongs command his respect, no friends to engage.he.estimable privilege of choosing a dele- his affection, no religion to regulate his moe gate properly qualified to represent you in rals, no conscience to restrain his iniquity, ADVENTURES OF SIR LAUNCELOT GREAVES 247 and who worships no god but Mammon; an tians, as free-born Britons and feLow-citiinsinuating miscreant, who undertakes for zens; but I perceive you are a pack of venal, the dirtiest work of the vilest administra- infamous scoundrels, and I will treat you tion: who practises national usury, receiving accordingly." So saying, he brandished his Dy wholesale the rewards of venality, and lance, and riding into the thickest of the distributing the wasges of corruption by re- concourse, laid about him with such dextail." terity and effect, that the multitude was imIn this place our adventurer's speech was mediately dispersed, and he retired without drowned in the acclamations of the fox-hunt- further molestation. ers, who now triumphed in their turn, and The same good fortune did not attend hoicksed the speaker, exclaiming, —" Well Squire Crabshaw in his retreat. The ludiopened Jowler-to'un, to'un again, Sweet- crous singularity of his fbatures, and the lips! hey, Merry, Whitefoot!" After a half mown crop of hair that bristled from short interruption, he thus resumed his dis- one side of his countenance, invited some course: wags to make merry at his expense; one of " When such a caitiff presents himself to them clapped a furze-bush under the tail of you, iilke the devil, with a temptation in his Gilbert, who, feeling himself thus stimulated hand, avoid him as if he were in fact the aposteriori, kicked, and plunged and capered devil —it is not the offering of disinterested in such a manner, that Timothy could hardly love; for what should induce him, who has keep the saddle. In this commotion he lost no affections, to love you, to whose persons his cap and his periwig, while the rabble he is an utter stranger 1 Alas! it is not a pelted him in such a manner, that before he benevolence, but a bribe. Hte wants to buy could join his master, he looked like a pillar, you at one market, that he may sell you at or rather a pillory of mud. another. Without doubt his intention is to make an advantage of his purchase; and this aim he cannot accomplish, but by sacrificing, CHAPTER X. in some sort, your interest, your independency, to the wicked designs of a minister, as Which showeth that he who plays at bowls he can expect no gratification for the faithful will sometimes meet with rubbers. discharge of his duty. But, even if he should not find an opportunity of selling you to ad- SIR LAUNCELOT, boiling with indignation vantage, the crime, the shame, the infamy, at the venality and faction of the electors, will still be the same in you, who, baser than whom he had harangued to so little purpose, the most abandoned prostitutes, have sold retired with the most deliberate disdain toyourselves and your posterity for hire —for a wards one of the gates of the town, on the paltry price, to be refunded with interest by outside of which his curiosity was attracted somne minister, who will indemnify himself by a concourse of people, in the midst of out of your own pockets; for, after all, you whom stood Mr Ferret, mounted upon a are bought and sold with your own money — stool with a kind of satchel hanging round the miserable pittance you may now receive, his neck, and a phial displayed in his right is no more than a pitcher fiull of water thrown hand, while he held forth to the audience in to moisten the sucker of that pump which a very vehement strain of elocution. will drain you to the bottonm. Let me there- Crabshaw thought himself happily defore advise and exhort you, my countrymen, livered when he reached the suburbs, and to avoid the opposite extremes of the igno- proceeded without halting; but his master rant clown and the desioniing courtier, and ningled with the crowd, and heard the orachoose a man of honesty, intelligence, and tor express himself to this effect. moderation, who will" — "Very likely you may undervalue me and The doctrine of moderation was a very my medicine, because I don't appear upon a unpopular subject in such an assembly; and stage of rotten boards, in a shabby velvet accordingly they rejected itas one man. They I coat and tie-periwig, with a foolish fellow in began to think the stranger wanted to set a motley coat, to mlake you laugh by making up for himself'; a supposition that could not wry faces: but I scorn to use these dirty arts fail to incense both sides equally, as they for engaging your attention. These paltry were both zealously engaged in their respec- tricks ad captanldum vulgius can have no tive causes. The whigs and the tories effect but on ideots; and if you are ideots, joined agiainst this intruder, who, being nei- I do'nt desire you should be my customers. ther, was treated like a monster or chimera in Take notice, I don't address you in the style politics. They hissed, they hooted and they of a mountebank, or a high German doctor; hallooed' they annoyed him with missiles of and yet the kingdom is fiull of mountebanks, dirt, sticks, and stones; they cursed, they empirics, and quacks. WVe have quacks in threatened and reviled, till at length his pa- religion, quacks in physic, quacks in law tience was exhausted. quacks in politics, quacks in patriotism "Ungra.teful and abandoned miscreants!" quacks in government: High-German quacks lie cried, 6 I spoke to you as men and chris- that have blistered, sweated; bled, and purged 248 SMOLLETT'S SELECT WORKS. the nation into an atrophy. But this is not illiterate vagabond, that from idleness turns all; they have not only evacuated her into a quack, and advertises his nostrulml in the consumption, but they have intoxicated her public papers. I amr neither a felonious drybrain, until she is become delirious; she can salter returned from exile, an hospital stumprnno longer pursue her own interest, or indeed turner, a decayed staymaker, a bankrupt rightly distinguish it. Like the people of printer, or insolvent debtor, released by act Nineveh, she can hardly tell her right hand of parliament. I did not pretend to adminfrom her left; but, as a changeling, is daz- ister medicines without the least tincture of zled and delighted by an igynis/ftu s, a Will- letters, or suborn vwretchies to pejulre themo'-the-wisp, an exhalation fiom the vilest selves in false affidavits of cures that were materials in natur', that leads her astray never performed; nor employ a set of ledthrough Westphaltan bogs and deserts, and captains to harangue in rmy praise at all will one day break her neck over some bar- public places. I was bred regularly to the ren rocks, or leave her sticking in some profession of chemistry, and have tried all H - n pit or quagmire. For my part, if the processes of alchemy; and 1 may venyou have a nmind to betray your country, I ture to say, that this here elixir is, in fact, have no objection. In selling yourselves and the chruseon pepuromenon ek puros, the your fellow-citizens, you only dispose of a visible, glorious, spiritual body, fromi whence pack of rascals who deserve to be sold-if all other beings derive their existence, as you sell one another, why should I not sell proceeding from their fathler the sun, and this here elixir of long life, which, if properly their mother the moon; from the sun, as used, will protract your days till you shall from a living and spiritual gold, which is have seen your country ruined? I shall not mere fire, consequently the common and unipretend to disturb your understandings, which versal first created mover, fi'om whence all are none of the strongest, with a hotchpotch moveable things have their distinct and parof unintelligible terms, such as Aristotle's ticular motioiis; and also fiom the moon, as four principles of generation, unformed fiom the wife of the sun, and the common matter, privation, efficient and final causes. mother of all sublunary things. And for as Aristotle was a pedantic blockhead, and still much as man is and rmust be the corpremore knave than fool. The same censure hensive end of all creatures, and the microwe may safely put on that wiseacre Dios- cosm, he is counselled in the RPevelatioon to corides, with his faculties of simples, his buy gold that is thoroughly fired, or rather seminal, specific, and principal virtues? and pure fire, that he may become rich and like that crazy commentator Galen, with his four the sun; as, on the contrary, he becomes elements, elementary qualities, his eight poor when he abuses the arsenical poison; complexions, his harmonies and discords. so that his silver, by the fire, must be calNor shall I expatiate on the alkahest of that cined to a caput mortuuno, which happens mad scoundrel Paracelsus, with which he when he will hold and retain the menstruum, pretended to reduce flints into salt; nor the out of which lie partly exists, for his own archceus or spiritus rector of that visionary property, and doth not daily offer up the Van Helmont, his simple, elementary water, sanie in the fire of the sun, that the woman his gas, ferments, and transmutations; nor nmay be clothed with the sun, and become a shall I enlarge upon the salt, sulphur, and sun, and thereby rule over the moon; that oil, the acidum vagunm, the mercury of me- is to say, that he may get the moon under tals, and the volatilized vitriol of other his feet. Now this here elixir, sold for no modern chemists, a pack of ignorant, con- more than sixpence a phial, contains the ceited, knavish rascals, that puzzle your weak essence of the alkahest; the archatus, the heads with such jargon, just as a German- cathiolicon, the nienstruum, the sun, the moon, ized m r throws dust in your eyes, by and, to sum up all in one word, is the true, lugging in and ringing the changes on the genuine, unadulterated, unhclianpeable, imbalance of power, the protestant religion, maculate, and specific chruseon pepumromeand your allies on the continent; acting like non ek purmos." the juggler, who picks your pockets, while The audience were variously affected by he dazzles your eyes and amuses your fancy this learned oration. Some of those who fawith twirlingo his fingers, and reciting the voured the pretensions of the whig candi-, gibberish of hocus pocus; for, in fact, the date, were of opinion, that he ought to be balance of power is a mere chimera. As for punished for his presumption, in reflecting the protestant religion, nobody gives himself so scurrilously on ministers and iieasures. any trouble about it; and allies on the con- Of this sentimentwas our adventurer, though tinent we have none, or at least none that he could not help admiring the courage of would raise an hundred men to save us from the orator, and owning within himself' that perdition, unless we paid an extravagant he had mixed some melancholy truths with price for their assistance. But, to return to his scurrility. this here elixir of lonu' life, I might embellish Mr Ferret would not have stood so long t with a great many hirth sounding epithets; in his rost-rum unmolested, had not he cunout I disdain to follow the example of every ningly chosen his station immediately with. ADVENTURES OF SIR LAUN4TCELOT GREAVES. 249 out the jurisdiction of the town, whose of my boltsprit. Hearkye, hearkye, brother magistrates therefore could not take cogni- -damn'd hard to engage with three at a zance of his conduct; but application was time, one upon my bow, one upon my quarmade to the constable of the other parish, ter, and one right ahead, rubbing and drai. while our nostrum-monger proceeded in his bing, lying athwart hawse, raking fore and speech, the conclusion of which produced aft, battering and grappling, and lashing and such an effect upon his hearers, that his clashing —adds heart, brother-crash went whole cargo was itnmediately exhausted. He the boitsprit-dowvn came the round-top —uni had just stepped down from his stool, when with the dead-lights —I saw nothing but the the constable with his staff arrived, and took stars at noon-lost the helm of my seven him under his gtifida.nce. AIr Ferret on this senses, and down I broached upon my broadoccasion attempted to interest the people side." in his behalf, by exhorting them to vindicate As 5Mr Clarke rightly conceived that his the liberty of the subject against such an act uncle would need an interpreter, lie began of oppression; but finding them deaf to the to explain these hints, by giving a circurnmtropes and figures of his elocution, he ad- stantial detail of his own and the captain's dressed himself to our knight, reminding disaster. him of his duty to protect the helpless and He told Sir Launcelot, that, notwithstandthe injured, and earnestly soliciting his in- ing all his persuasion and remonstrances, terposition. Captain Crowe insisted upon appearing in Sir Launcelot, without making the least the character of a hnillht-errant; and, with reply to his entreaties, resolved to see the that view, had set out from the public house end of this adventure; and, being joined by on the morning' that succeeded his vigil in his squire, followed the prisoner at a distance, the church: that upon the highway they had measuring back the ground he had travelled niet with a coach conltainilg two ladies, one the day before, until he reached another of wNihom seemed to be under great agitation; small borough, where Ferret was housed in for, as they passed, she struoggled with the the common prison. other, thrust out her head at the window, While lie sat a-horseback, deliberating on and said something which lie could not disthe next step he should take, he was accost- tinctly hear: that Captain Crowe was struck ed by the voice of Tom Clarke, who called, with admiration of her urnequalled beauty, in a whimpering tone, through a window and hle (Tom) no sooner informed him who grated with iron,-"- For the love of God, she was, than he resolved to set her at liberSir Launcelot, do, dear sir, be so good as to ty, on the supposition that slhe was under take the trouble to alight, and come up restraint, and in distress: that he accordingstairs-I have something to communicate, ly insileathed his cutlass, and ridincg after of consequence to the comnmunity in general, the coach, commanded the driver to bring to and you in particular-Pray do, dear sir on pain of death: that one of the servants, knight. I beg a boon in the name of St Mi- believing the captain to be a highwaymran, chael and St George for England." presented a blunderbuss, and in all probability Our adventurer, not a little surprised at this would have shot him on the spot, had not he address, dismounted without hesitation, and, (the nephew) rode up, and assured then the being admitted to the common jail, there gentleman was nonz conoros: that notwithfound not only his old friend Tom, but also standing his illtimnat on, all the three attacked the uncle, sitting on a bench, with a woollen hin with the butt-ends of their lorse-whips, night-cap on his head, and a pair of specta- while the coach drove on, and, althoug-h he cles on his nose, reading very earnestly in a laid about hmlle with treat fury, at last brought book, which lihe afterwards understood was hii to the oround, by a stroke on the tenmentitled,-" The Life and Adventures of Va- ple: that Mr Clarke himself then interposed lentine and Orson." The captain no sooner in defence of his kinsman, and was also saw his great pattern enter, than he rose, severely beaten; that two of the servants, and received him with the salutation of- upon application to a justice of the peace, " What cheer, brother?" and, before the residing near the field of battle, had granted knight could answer, added these words.- a warrant against the captain and his ne" You see how the land lies —here have Tom phew, and, without examination, comInitted and I been fast ashore these four-and-twerty them as idle vagrants, after having seized hours; and this berth we have got by at- their horses and their money, on pretence tempting to tow yqur galley, brother, from of their being suspected for highwaymlen. the enermy's harbour. —Adds bobs! if we had " 1But as there was no just cause of suspithis here fellow whoreson for a consort, with cion," added lie, "I am of opinion the jus. all our tackle in order, brother, we'd soon tice is guilty of a trespass, and may be sued show'emn the topsail, slip our cable, and for falsulm impn.risozamentumet n, and considerdown with their barricadoes. But, howsorm- able damages obtained; for you will please ever, it don't signify talking-patience is a to observe, sir, no justice has a right to corn.. good stream-anchor, and will hold, as the mit any person till after due examination; saying is —but, damn my-as for the matter besides, we were not committed for an as4 Z` 250 SMOLLETT'S SELECT WORKS. sault and battery, audita querela, nor as there being reason to think the servants were wvandering lunatics by the statute, who, to be enjoined secrecy. sure, may be apprehended by a justice's war- The knight, in order to meditate on this rant, and locked up and chained, if necessary, unexpected adventure, sat down by his old or to be sent to their last legal settlement; friend, and entered into a reverie, which but we were committed as vagrants and sus- lasted about a quarter of an hour, and might pected highwaymen. Now, we do not fall have continued longer, had it not been inunder the description of vagrants; nor did terrupted by the voice of Crabshaw, who any circumstance appear to support the sus- bawled a!oud, —" Look to it my masters-as picion of robbery; for, to constitute robbery, you brew you must drink-this shall be a there must be something taken; but here dear day's work to some of you; for my part, nothing was taken but blows, and they were I say nothing-the braying ass eats little upon compulsion. Even an attempt to rob, grass-one barber shaves not so close, but without any taking', is not felony, but a mis- another finds a few stubble-you wanted to demeanour. To be sure, there is a taking catch a capon, and you've stole a cat-he in deed, and a taking in law; but still the that takes up his lodgings in a stable, must robber must be in possession of a thing be contented to lie upon litter." stolen; and we attempted to steal ourselves The knight, desirous of' knowing the cause away.-Alvy uncle, indeed, would have re- that prompted Timothy to apothegmatize in leased the young lady vi et armis, had his this manner, looked through the grate, and strength been equal to his inclination; and perceived the squire fairly set in the stocks, in so doing I would have willingly lent my surrounded by a mob of people. When he assistance, both from a desire to serve such called to llim, and asked the reason of this a beautiful young creature, and also in re- disgraceful restraint, Crabshaw replied,gard to your honour, for I thought I heard "There's no cake, but there's another of the her call upon your name." same make-who never climbed, never fell "I-a! how! what! whose name say, -after clouds comes clear weather.'Tis speak-Heaven and earth!" cried the knight, all long of your honour I've met with this with marks of the most violent emotion. preferment; no deservings of my ownl, but Clarke, terrified at his looks, replied, —" I the interest of my master. Sir knight, if beg your pardon a thousand times; I did not you will flay the justice, hang the constable, say positively she did speak those words, but release your squire, and burn the town, your I apprehended she did speak them. Words, name will be famrnous in story; but, if you which may be taken or interpreted by law in are content, I amn thankful. Two hours are a general or common sense, ought not to re- soon spent in such good company; in the ceive a strained or unusual construction; mean time, look to'un jailor, thiere's a frog and ambioguous words-" " Speak or be in the stocks." dunmb for ever!" exclaimed Sir Launcelot, in Sir Launcelot, incensed at this affront a terrific tone, laying his hand on his sword, offered to his servant, advanced to the prison "what young lady, ha! what name did she door, but found it fast locked; and when he call upon;" Clarke, falling on his knees, called to the turnkey, he was given to underanswered not without stammering,-" Miss stand that he himself was a prisoner. Enraged Aurelia Darnel; to the best of mry recollec- at this intimation, he deranded at whose tion, she cailed upon Sir Launcelot Grearves." suit, and was answered througli the wicket, "' Sacred powers!" cried our adventurer, -" at the suit of the king, in whose name I "' which way did the carriage proceed " will hold you fast, with God's assistance." WHhen Tom told him that the coach quitted The knight's looks now began to lighten; the post-road, and struck away to the right he rolled his eyes around, and, snatching up at full speed, Sir Launcelot was seized with an oaken bench, which three ordinary men a pensive fit; his head sunk upon his breast, could scarce have lifted from the ground, he, and he mused in silence for several minutes, in all likelihood, would have shattered the with the most melancholy expression on his door in pieces, had not he been restrained by countenance; then recollecting himself, he the interposition of Mr Clarkle, who intreated assumed a more composed and cheerful air, him to have a little patience, assuring him and asked several questions with respect to he would suggest a plan that would avenge the arms on the coach, and the liveries worn himself amply on the justice, without any by the servants. It was in the course of breach of the peace. "I say the justice," this interrogation that he discovered he had added Tom, c" because it must be his doing. actually conversed with one of the footmen, He is a little petulant sort of a fellow, ignowho had brought back Crabshaw's horse; a rant of the law, guilty of numberless irregucirclmstance that filled him with anxiety and ]arities, and, if properly managed, may, for chagrin, as he had omitted to inquire the this here act of arbitrary power, be not only name of his master, and the place to which cast in a swinging sum, but even turned out the coach was travelling; though, in all pro- of the commission with disgrace." bability, had he made these inquiries, he This was a very seasonable hint; in contoould have received very little satisfaction, sequence of which the bench was softly re. ADVENTURES OF SIR LAUNCELOT GREAViES. 251 placed, and Captain Crowe deposited the himself into the good graces of the widow, poker, with which he had armed himself to who took him for her husband, so that he second the efforts of Sir Launcelot. They became a person of some consideration, and now, for the first time, perceived that Ferret saved money apace; that his pride, increashad disappeared; and, upon inquiry, found ing with his substance, was reinforced by the that he was in fact the occasion of the vanity of his wife, who persuaded hiin to reknight's detention and the squire's disgrace. tire from business, that they might live genteelly in the country; that his f-tther dying, and leaving a couple of houses in this town, CH —PTER XI. Mr Gobble had come down with his lady to take possession, and liked the place so well, Description, of a. modern mnagistrate. as to make a more considerable purchase in the neighbourhood; that a certain peer being BEFORE the knight would take any resolution indebted to him in the large way of his busifor extricating hiinself from his present em- ness, and either unable or unwilling to pas barrassment, lie desired to be better ac- the m ney, had compounded the debt, by quainted with the character and circumstances inserting his name in the commission; since of the justice by whom he had been!confined, which period, his own insolence, and his and likewise to understand the meaning of wife's ostentation, had exceeded all bounds; his own detention. To be informed in this tlhat, in the execution of his authority, he had last particular, he renewed his dialogue with committed a thousand acts of cruelty and the turnkey, who told him through the grate, injustice against the poorer sort of people, that Ferret no sooner perceived him in the who were unable to call him to a proper jail, without his offensive arms, which he had account; that his wife domineered with a left below, than he desired to be carried be- more ridiculous, though less pernicious usurfore the justice, where he had given infor- pation among the females of the place; that, mation against the knight, as a violater of in a word, she was the subject of continual the public peace, who strolled about the mirth, and he the object of universal detescountry with unlawful arms, rendering the tation. highways unsafe, encroaching upon the free- Our adventurer, though extremely well dom of elections, putting his majesty's liege disposed to believe what was said to the presubjects in fear of their lives, and, in all judice of Gobble, would not give entire credit probability, harbouring more dangerous de- to this description, without first inquiring signs under an affected cloak of lunacy. into the particulars of his conduct. He Ferret, upon this information, had been re- therefore asked the speaker, what was the leased, and entertained as an evidence for cause of his particular complaint'. "F or my the king'; and Crabshaw was put into the own part, sir," said he, 1"I lived in repute, stocks as an idle stroller. and kept a shop in this here town, well furSir Launcelot, being satisfied in these Dished with a oreat variety of articles. All particulars, addressed himself to his fellow the people in the place were my customers; prisoners, and begged they would communi- but what I and many others chiefly depended cate what they knew respecting the worthy upon, was the extraordinary sale at two magistrate, who had been so premature in annual customary fairs, to which all the the execution of his office. This request was country people in the neimhbourhood resorted no sooner signified than a crew of naked to lay out their money. I had employed all wretches crowded around him, and, like a my stock, and even engaged mny credit, to congregation of rooks, opened their throats procure a large assorti-nent of goods for the all at once, in accusation of Justice Gobble. Lammas market; but having given my vote, The knight was moved at this scene, which in the election of a vestry-clerk, contrary to he could not help comparing, in his own the interest of Justice Gobble, he resolved to mind, to what would appear upon a much work my ruin. H-e suppressed the ainnua more awful occasion, when the cries of the fairs, by which a great many people, espewidow and the orphan, the injured and op- cially publicanis, earned the best of their subpressed, would be uttered at the tribunal of sistence. The country people resorted to an unerring Judge, against the villainous and another town. I was overstocked with a insolent authors of their calamity. load of perishalble commodities, and found When he had, with some difficulty, quieted myself deprived of the best part of tny home their clanours, and confined his interroga- customers, by the ill nature and revenge of tion to one person of a tolerably decent ap- the justice, who employed all his influence) pearance, he learned, that Justice Gobble, among the common people, making use of' whose father was a tailor, had for some time threats and promises to make them deseit served as a journeyman hosier in London, my shop, and give their customn to another where he had picked up some law terms, by person, whom he settled in the same busines~ conversing with hacklney writers and attor- under my nose. Being thus disabled fre a ney's clerks of the lowest order; that, upon making punctual payments, nly commodities the death of his master, he had insinuated spoiling, and my wife breaking her heart, I 252 SMOLLETT'S SELECT WORKS. Frew negligent and careless, took to drink- lings, was passed to her husband's settlement'ng, ari n my aflairs went to wreck. Being' in a different part of the country. one day in liquor, and provoked by the fleers A stout squat fellow, rattling with chains, and taunts of the man who had set up against had just taken up the ball of accusation, when me, I struck him at his own door; upon Sir Launcelot was startled with the appearwhich I was carried beforb the justice, who ance of a woman, whose looks and equipage treated roe with such insolence, that I became indicated the most piteous distress. She desperate, and not only abused him iR the seemed to be turned of the middle age, was execution of his office, but also made an of a lofty carriage, tall, thin, weather-beaten, attenmpt to lay r-iolent hands upon his person. and wretchedly attired: her eves were inYou know, sir, when a man is both drunk flamrned with weeping, and her looks displayed and desperate, he cannot be supposed to hav e that wildness and peculiarity which denote any commnand of hirlself. I was sent hither distraction. Advancino to Sir Launcelot, to jail. My creditors immediately seized she fell upon her knees, and, clasping her my effects; and, as they were not sufficient hands together, uttered th;e following rhapto dlt.cht:i.''e my debts, a statute of bank.- sody in the most veherient tone of affliction: ruptcy was taken out against me; so that "Thrice potent, uenerous, and auogust here I must lie, until they think proper to emperor, here let my knees cleave to the sign my certificate, or the parliarent shall earth, until tholl shalt do me justice on that please to pass an act for the relief' of' insol- inhuman caitiff; Gobble. Let hirl disgorge vent debtoi1s." my substance, which he hat h devoured; let The next person who presented himself in hini restore to my widowed arns my child, the crowd of aecusers, was a meagre figure, my boy, the delight of my eyes, the prop of with a green apron, who told the kniglht tha[t my life, the st!atL of my sustenance, whorm le he had kept a public house in town for a hath ltorn from mny errbrace, stolen, betrayed, dozen of years, and enjoyed a good trade, sent into captivity, and murdered!-behiold which was in a, great nmeasure owing to a these bleediuo'wonund s upon his lovely breast! skittle-ground, in which the best people of see how they mangle his lifeless corse! the place diverted themselves occasionally: -Iorror! give me nry child, barbarians! his that Justice Gobble, being disobliged at his head shall lie upon his Sukv's bosom —she refuising to part witlh a geldingn which he had twill embalrn him with lier tears. Ha plungre bred for his owiI use, first of all shut up the hiur in the deep! slhall my boy then float in skittle-goroundl but findinl tIle publican still a watery tomb? —Jrustice, most miohty emkept his h(ouse open, he took care that lhe peror justice upon the villain who hath should be deprived of his licence, on pretence rnlined us all! Mlay heaven's dreadfful venthat the nuomber of ale-hoirses was too great, geance overtale him! rnma the keen storm and that this iran had been bred to another of adversity strip him of all his leaves tand employment. The poor publican, being thus fruit! may peace forsake his mind, and rest deprived of his bread, was oblieg'ed to try tile be banished fiom his pillow, so that all his stay-making business, to whic l he had served days shall be filled witl reproach and sorrow, an apprenticesl-ip; bIt bleing very ill quali- and all his niglts be haunted with horror fled for this proflessiol, lie soon fell to decay, and remorse!,may lie be stung by jealou.sy and contracted debts, in consequence of without cause, and maddened by revenge which lie was now in purson, whelre he had withoeut the means of execution! may all his no other support but what arose from the offspring be blighted and consumed, like the labour of hirs wife, who hadt1 gone to service. mildewed ears of corn, except onie that shall The next priso'ner who prefirled his cori- grow ut1 to culrse liis old age, and bring his plaint against the unrigbteous judge, wvas a hoary head with sorrow to thle grave, as he poacher, at xhose practices Justice Gobble himself has proved a curse to me a1 rnine!" had for some years connived, so as even to The rest of the prisoners, perceiving the screen him fi'orl punishmlent, in considera- knight extremely shocked at her misery and tion of being surpplied with gname gratis, till horrid imprecation, removed her by force at length he was disappointed by accident. firom his presence, and conveyed her to His lady had invited gurests to an enltertain- another room; while our adventurer underment, and bespolke a hare, which the poacher went a violent agitation, and could not for unldertook to filrnish. He laid his snares some minutes compose himself so well as to utecordingly over nighlt; but thIey were dis- inquire into tlhe nature of this wretched creacovered, and taken away by the gamekeeper ture's calamity. of tIre gentleman to whom the ground be- The shopkeeper, of whom hle denlanded longoed. All tire excuses the poacher could this satisfiction, gave him to understand that make proved ineffectual in appeasing the she was born a gentlewoman, and had been resentment of the justice and his wife, at well educatei; that she married a curate, neing thus disconcerted. Measures were who did not long' survive his nuptials, and laken to detect the delinquent in the exercise afterwards became the wife of one Oakley, (if his illicit occupation; he was committed a farmer in opulent circumstances; that, to safe custody, and his wife, with five bant- after twenty years cohabltation with her ADVENTURES OF SIR LAUNCELOT GREAVES. 253 husband, lie sustained such losses by the lis- softly down each cheek. Then he desired temper among the cattle, as he could not to know if the poor lunatic had any intervals repair; and that this reverse of fortune was of reason; and was given to understand, that supposed to have hastened his death; thatthe she was always quiet, and generally supposed widoxw, being a wom-nan of spirit, determined to have the use of her senses, except when to keep up and manage the farm, with the she was disturbed by some extraordinary assistance of' an only son, a very promising noise, or when any person touched upon her youth, who was already conltracted in mar- misfortune, or mentioned the name of her riage with the daughter of another wealthy oppressor, in all which cases she started out faritner. Thus the mother had a prospect of into extravagance and frenzy. They likeretrieving the afi:irs of her family, when all wise imputed great part of' the disorder to her hopes were dashed and destroyed by a the want of quiet, proper food, and necesridiculous pique which MlIrs Gobble conceived *saries, with which she was but poorly supagainst the young farmter's sweetheart, Mrs plied by the cold hand of chance charity. Susan Sedgemoor. This young woman Our adventurer wa.s exceedingly affected by chancing to be at a country assembly, where the distress of this woman, whom he resolved the grave-digger of the parish acted as master to relieve; and in proportion as his commisof the ceremonies, was called out to dance eration was excited, his resentment rose before Miss Gobble, who happened to be there against the miscreant, who seemed to have present also with her mother. The circurn - insinuated himself into the commission of stance was construed into an unpardonable the peace on purpose to harass and oppress affront by the justice's lady, who abused the his fellow-creatures. director in the most opprobrious terms for Thus animated, he entered into consultahis insolence and ill-manners; and, retiring tion with Mr Thomas Clari. e concerning the in a storm of passion, vowed revenge against steps he should take, first for their deliverthe saucy minx who had presumed to vie in ance, and then fbr prosecuting and punishing gentility with Miss Gobble. The justice the justice. In result o t.is conference, the entered into her resentment. The grave- knight called aloud for tlhe jailor, and de. digger lost his place; and Suky's lover, young manded to see a copy of his commitment, Oakley, was pressed for a soldier. Before that lie might Imlow the cause of his Imprihis mother could take any steps for his dis- sonment, and offer bail; or, in case that he charge, he was hurried away to the East should be refiused. move for a writ of habeas Indies, by the industry and contrivance of corpus. The jailor told hiim the copy of the the justice. Poor Suky wept and pined until writ should be forthcoming; but, after he she fell into a consumption. The forlorn had waited some time, and repeated the dewidow, being thus deprived of her son, was mand before wMitnesses, it was not yet prooverwhelhned with grief to such a degree, duced. Mr Clarlke then, in a solemn tone, that she could no longer manage her con- gave the jailor to understand, that an officer cerns. Every thing went backwards; she refusing to deliver a true copy of the comrnran in arrears with her landlord; and the mitment warrant, was liable to the forfeiture prospect of bankruptcy aggravated her afflic- of one hundred pounds bfor the first offence, tion, while it added to her incapacity. In and for the second to a forfeiture of twice the midst of these disastrous circumstances, that sum, besides being disabled from exenews arrived that her son Greaves had lost cuting his office. his life in a sea engagement with the enemy; Indeed it was no easy matter to comply and these tidings almost instantly deprived with Sir Launcelot's demnand; for no warrant her of reason. Then the landlord seized for had been granted, nor was it now in the his rent, and she was arrested at the suit of power of the justice to remedy this defect, Justice Gobble. who had bought up one of as Mr Ferret had taken himself away priher debts in order to distress her, and now vately, without having communicated the pretended that her madness was feigned. name and designation of the lprisoner; a cir-'When the name of Greaves was mentioned, cumstance the more mortifying to the jailor, our adventurer started and changed colour; as he perceived the extraordinkry respect and, now the story was ended, asked, with which Mr Clarke and the captain paid to marks of eager emotion, if the name of the the knight, and was now fully convinced woman's first husband was not WAilford. that he would be dealt wsith accordriinc to Wihen the prisoner answered in the affirma- law. Disordered with thles reflections, he tive, he rose up, and striking his breast,- imparted them to the justice, who had in "Good heaven 7" cried li he, "the very woman vain caused search to 1be made foir Ferret, who watched over my infancy, and even and was now extremely weell i clined to set nourished me with her milk! —She was my the knigoht and his friends at libherty, though mother's humble friend. Alas! poor Doro- he did not at all suspect the quality and imthy! how would your old mistress grieve to portance of our adventurer. Lie could not, see her favourite in this miserable condition." however, resist tle temitation of displaying XWhile he pronounced these words, to the the authority of his office, and therefore astonishment of the hearers, a tear stole ordered the ipisoners to be brought before 67 2t5r4 SMOLLETT'S SELECT WORKS. his tribunal, that, in the capacity of a magis- me to condign punishment; and if you allow trate, he might give them a severe reproof, a criminal to escape unpunished, you are not and proper caution with respect to their only unworthy of a place in the commission, future behaviour. but become accessory to his guilt, and, to They were accordingly led through the all intents and purposes, socius criminis. street in procession, guarded by the consta- With respect to your proffered mercy, I shall ble and his gang, followed by Crabshaw, who decline the favour; nor do I deserve any had by this time been released from the indulgence at your hands; fbr, depend upon stocks, and surrounded by a crowd of people, it, I shall show no mercy to you in the steps attracted by curiosity. When they arrived I intend to take for bringing you to justice. at the justice's house, they were detained I understand that you have been long hackfor some time in the passage; then a voice neyed in the ways of oppression, and I have was heard, commanding the constable to seen some living monuments of your inhubring in the prisoners, and they were intro- inanity-of that hereafter. I myself have duced to the hall of audience, where Mr been detained in prison, without cause asGobble sat in judgment, with a crimson velvet signed. I have been treated with indignity, night-cap on his head; and on his right hand and insulted by jailors and constables; led appeared his lady, puffed up with the pride through the streets like a felon, as a specand insolence of' her husband's office, fat, tacle to the multitude; obliged to dance frowzy, and not over clean, well stricken in attendance in your passage, and afterwards years, without the least vestige of an agree- branded with the name of notorious criminal. able feature, having a rubicund nose, ferret I now demand to see the information in coneyes, and imperious aspect. The justice sequence of which I was detained in prison, himself was a little, affected, pert prig, who the copy of the warrant of commitment or endeavoured to solemnize his countenance detainer, and the face of the person by whom by assuming an air of consequence, in which I was accused. I insist upon a compliance pride, impudence, and folly, were strangely with these demands, as the privileges of a blended. tie aspired at nothing so much as British subject; and if it is refused, I shall the character of an able spokesman, and seek redress before a higher tribunal." took all opportunities of' holdinog forth at The justice seemed to be not a little disvestry and qu arter-sessions, as well as in the turbed at this peremptory declaration, which, administration of his office in private. He however, had no other effect upon his wife, would not, therefore, let slip this occasion but that of enraging her choler, and inflaming of exciting the admiration of his hearers, and, her countenance. "' Sirrah! sirrah!" cried in an authoritative tone, thus addressed our she, " do you dares to insult a worshipful adventurer: magistrate on the bench? Can you deny " The laws of this land has provided-I that you are a vagram, and a dilatory sort says as how provision is made by the laws of a person? Han't the man with the satchel of this here land, in reverence to delinquems made an affidavy of it If I was my husand manefactors, whereby the king's peace band, I'd lay you fast by the heels for your is upholden by we magistrates, who repre- resumption, and fihrk you with a primineery sents his majesty's person better tha.n in e'er into the bargain, unless you could give a a contagious nation under the sun; but, how- better account of yourself-I would." somever, that there king's peace, and this Gobble, encouraged by this fillip, resumed here miagistrate's authority, cannot be ade- his petulance, and proceeded in this manquably and identically upheld, if so be as ner: —".Heark ye, fiiend, I might, as Mrs how criminmals escapes unpunished. Now, Gobble very justly observes, trounce you for friend, you must be confidentious in your your audacious, behaviour; but I scorn to own nind, as you are a notorious criminal, take such advantages: howsomever, I shall who have trespassed again the laws on divers make you give an account of yourself and occasions and importunities; if I had a mind your companions; for I believe as how you to exercise the rigour of the law, according are in a gang, and all in a story, and perhaps to the authority wherewith I am wested, you. you may be found one day in a cord. What and your companions in iniquity would be are you, friend? What is your station and sewerely punished by the statue; but we degree " " I am a gentleman," replied the magistrates has a power to litigate the se- knight. "Ay, that is English for a sorry werity of jistice, and so I am contented that fellow," said the justice. "Every idle vaga you sholuld be mercifully dealt withal, and bond, who has neither home nor habitation, even d.smsied'. trade nor profession, designs himself a genr To tlis halranglue the knight replied, with tleman. But I must ]?.now how you live." solemn a1ld doeiiera e accent, " If I under- "Upon iny means." "V What are your nmeans' stand your meanli-o ariglit, I am accused of Myv estate." " Whenlce doth it arise?' being a, nolorious criminal; but nevertheless " From inheritance." 1" Your estate lies in you are conitented to let tee escape with im- brass, a-nd that you have inherited from napunlity, I' If am a notorious criminal, it is ture; but do you inherit lands and tenethe duty of y0ou, as a magistrate, to bring ments?" " Yes." "But they are neither ADVTENTURES OF SIR LAUNCELOT GREAVES. 25,) here nor there, I doubt. Come, come, friend, Launcelot's quality. " Yes, I'll assure you, I shall bring you about presently." Here sir," said the wife, "my husband would the examination was interrupted by the arri- have bit oiT his tongue rather than say black val of' Mr Fillet the surgeon, who chancing is the white of your eye, if so be he had to pass, and seeing a crowd about the door, known your capacity. Thank God, we have went in to sgatisfy his curiosity. been used to deal with gentlefolks, and many's the good pound we lhave lost by them; but what of that? Sure we know how to CIHAPTER XII. behave to our betters. HM-r Gobble, thanks be to God, can defy the whole world to prove Which shouws there are more ways to kill a that he ever said an uncivil word, or did a dog' than hanging. rude thing to a ~ entleman, knowing him to be a person of fortune. Iirdeed, as to your MIa FILLET no sooner appeared in the judg- poor gentry, and rif'-raf, your tag-rag and ment-chamber of' Justice Gobble, than Cap- bob-tail, or such vulgar scoundrelly people, tain Crowe, seiz-in him by the hand, ex- he has behaved like a maoistrate, and treated claimed, —"body o' me! doctor, thou'rt come them with the rigger of authority." "In up in the nick of time to lend us a hand in other words," said the knight, " he has typutting about. TWe're a little in the stays ranized over the poor, and connived at the here-but howvsomever we've got a good vices of the rich: your husband is little pilot, who kn/ows the coast, and can weather obliged to you for this confession, woman." the point, as the saying is. As for the ene- "Woman!" cried Mrs Gobble, empurpled my's vessel, she has had a shot or two al- with wrath, and fixing her hands on her ready athwart her forefoot; the next, I do sides by way of' defiance, "I scorn your suppose, will strike the hull, and then you words. Marry come up, woman! quotha; will see her taken all aback." The doctor, no more a woman than your worship." who perfectly understood his dialect, assured Then bursting into tears, —" Husband," conhim he might depend upon his assistance; tinued she, " if you had the soul of a louse, and advancingr to the knight, accosted him you wvould not suffer me to be abused at this in these words:-"' Sir Launcelot Greaves, rate; you would not sit still on the bench' your most humble servant —when I saw a and hear your spouse called such contempticrowd at the door, I little thought of finding ble epitaphs. vWho cares for his title and his you within, treated with such indignity-yet knightship? You and I, husband, knew a I can't help beinig pleased with an opportu- tailor that was made a knight; but, thank nity of proving the esteem and veneration I God, I have noblemen to stand by me with have for your person and character:- you their privileges and beroguetifs." will do me particular pleasure in command- At this instant Mr Fillet returned with his ing my best services." friend, a practitioner in the law, who freely Our adventurer tlanked him for this in- offered to join in bailing our adventurer, and stance of his friendship, which he told him the other two prisoners, for any sum that he would use without hesitation; and de- should be required. The justice, perceiving sired he wo.uld procure immediate bail for the affair began to grow more and more serihim and his two friends, who had been im- ous, declaredl that he would discharge the prisoned contrary to law, without any cause warrants and dismiss the prisoners. assigned. Here Mr Clarke interposing, observed, During this short dialogue, the justice, that against the knight no warrant had been who had heard of Sir Launcelot's family and granted, nor any information sworn to; con. fortune, though an utter stranger to his per- sequently, as the justice had not conmplied son, was seized with such pangs of terror and with the form of proceeding directed by compunction as a grovelling mind may be statute, the imprisonment was coram lnon supposed to lhave felt in such circumstances; judice, void. "Right, sir," said the other and they seemed to produce the same unsa- lawyer, "if a justice commits a felon for voury effects that are so humourously deline- trial, without bindingo over the prosecutor to ated by the inimitable Hogarth, in his print the assizes, he shall be fined." " And again," of Felix on his tribunal, done in the Dutch cried Clarke, " if a justice issues a warrant style. Nevertheless, seeing Fillet retire to for commitment, where there is no accusaexecute the knight's commands, he recol- tion, action will lie against the justice." lected himself so far as to tell the prisoners, "Moreover," replied the stranger, "if a there was no occasion to give themselves justice of peace is guilty of any misdemeanany farther trouble, for he would release our in his office, information lies against them without bail or mainprise. Then dis- him in banco regis, where he shall be puncarding all the insolence from his features, ished by fine and imprisonment." "And and assuming an aspect of the most humble besides," resumed the accurate Tom, "the adulation, he begged the knight ten thousand same court will grailt an information against pardons for the frecdoms he had taken, which a justice of peace, on motion, for sendingm were entirely owing to his ignorance of Sir even a servant to the house of correction or 256 SMOLLETT'S SELECT WTtORKS. comrnmon jail without sufficient cause." humanly kidnapped her only child, and ex-'True," exclaimed the other limb of the posed him to a violent death in a foreign law, " and. for contempt of law, attachments land. Ali, caitifI' if you were to forego all may be had againstjustices of peace in banco the comfo)rts of life, distribute your means reris: a justice of the peace was fined a among the poor, and do the severest penance thousand marks for corrupt practices." that ever priestcraft prescribed, for the rest With these words, advancing to MrClarke, of your days, you could not altone for the he shook him by the hand, with the appella- ruin of that hapless family: a family through tion of brother, saying, — I doubt thejustice whose sides you cruelly and perfidiously has got into a cursed hovel." Mr Gobble stabbed the hleart of an innocent youllg wohimself seemed to be of the same opinion. man, to gratifV tlhe pride and diabolical He changed colour several times during the malice of that wretcheid low-bred woman, remarks which the lawyers had made; and who now sits at vour right hand as the assonow, declaring the gentlemen were at liberty, ciate of power and presumption. Oh! if begged, in the most humble phrase, that the such a despicable reptile shall annoy mancornpany would eat a bit of mutton with him, kind with imlpunity, if sucli a contemptible and after dinner the affair miniht be amica- miscreant shall liave it in his power to do bly compromised. To this proposal our ad- such deeds of inhumanity and oppression, venturer replied, in a grave and resolute what avails the law! iJWhere is our admired tone,~" If your acting in the commission as constitution, Ithe fieedom, the security of the a justice of the peace concerned my own subject, the boasted humnanity of the British particular only, perhaps I should wave any nation? Sacred heaven! if there was no further inquiry, and resent your insolence human institution to take cognizance of such no other way but by silent contempt. If I atrocious crimes, I would listen to the dicthought the errors of your administration tates of eternal justice, and, arming myself proceeded from a good intention, defeated with the right of nature, exterminate such by want of understanding, I should pity your villains from th-e face of the earth!" ignorance, and, in compassion, advise you These last words he pronounced in such a to desist from acting a part for which you strain, while his eyes lightened with indigare so ill qualified; but the preposterous nation, that Gobble and his wife underwent conduct of such a man deeply affects the the most violent agitation: the constable's interest of the community, especially that teeth chattered in his head, the jailor trem. part of it which, fiom its helpless situa- bled, and the whole audience was overtion, is the more entitled to our protection whelmred with consternation. and assistance. I am moreover convinced, After a short pause, Sir Launcelot prothat your misconduct is not so much the ceeded in a milder strain:" ThankI Heaven, consequence of an uninformed head, as the the laws of this country have exempted me poisonous issue of a malignant heart, devoid frorn the disag'reeable task of such an execuof humanity, inflamed with pride, and rank- tion. To them we shall have immediate ling with revenge. The common prison of recourse, in three separate actions against this little town is filled with the miserable you for false imprisonment; and any other objects of your cruelty and oppression. In- person Mwho has been injured by your arbistead of protecting the helpless, restraining trary and wicked proceedings, in me shall the hands of violence, preserving the public find a warmn protector, until you shall be estranquillity, and acting as a father to the punnged fromn the commission with disgrace, poor, according to the intent and meaning and have made s;ch retaliation as your cirof that institution of which you are an un- curstances will allow for the wrongs you worthy member, you have distressed the have done the comnmunity." widowv and the orphan, given a loose to all In order to conmplete thie mortification and the insolence of office, emb'roiled your neigh- terror of the justice, the lawyer, whose name bours by fomenting suits and animosities, was Fenton, declared, that, to his certain and played the tyrant among the indigent knowledge, these actions would be reinforced and forlorn. You have abused the authority with divers prosecutions for corrupt practices, with which your were invested, entailed a which had lain dormant until some person of reproach upon your ofice, and instead of courage and influence should take the lead being revered as a blessing, you are detested against Justice Gobble, who was thile more as a curse among your ifllow-creatures. dreaded, as he acted under the patronage of Thfis indeed is generally the case of low fel- Lord Sharpington. By this time fear had;ows, who are thrust into the magistracy deprived the justice and his helpmate of the;vithott sentiment, education, or capacity. faculty of speech. They were indeed almost Among other instances of your iniquity, there petrified with dismay, and made no effort to,s now its prison an unhappy woman, infi- speak, whene Mr Fillet. in the rear of the tritely your superior in the advantages of knight, as he retired with his company, took birth, sense, and education, whom you have, his leave of them in these words:-" And teven without provocation, persecuted to ruin now, Mr Justice, to dinner with what appe. mind distraction, after having illegally and in- tite you mav." ADVENTURES OF SIR LAUTCELOT GREAVES. 257 Our adventurer, thouoh warmly invited to I was, to be sure, but that don't signify; we Mr Fenton's house, repaired to thle public gave'emr as good as they brought, and so inn, where he thougit lie should be more at parted. WVell, if so be I can't see mother, his ease, fully determined to punish and de- i'll go and have -some chat with Suky.' Vhat pose Gobble from his magistracy, to effect a d'ye look so glum lor'! shle an'l married, is general jail delivery of all the debtors wholl she ". No, no," re plled tile woman, " not he had found in confinement, and in particu- married, but almolt hleartt-broken. Since lar, to rescue poor Ilrs Oakley from the thou wast gone she has done nothing but miserable circumstances in whlich she was sig'hed, and wept, and pinet herself' unto a involved. decay. I'm afiraid thol hast come too late In the mean time lie insisted upon enter- to save her life." tainifi~g lhis friends at dinner, dtiaing which Oakley's heart was not proof against this many sallies of sea-wit and good humorur information. Burstinr into tears, he expassed between Captain Crowe anrd Doctor ciaJmed, —" 0 lnl de(l i, sweet, gentle Suky! Fillet, which last had ijust returned fiuomn a have I then lived to be the deat h of her ina'eiahboiuring village, whither he was sum- wvhor) I loved ilmore tIhaon the whole world! " rtsoled to fish a man's ya-rd arm, which lhad 1He would have gole i;nstatltly to her father's sinapt in tile slings. Their enjoyment, how- house, but owas res ligluied by the knight and eV-er, xvas suddenlv ipnterruptecl by a loud |is corIpany, a1ho nad now joined him in the.cs'ireoam -f'eom the lkic-hel, whither Sir Latin- kitc hen. C3ot iimedi(atel y Spiun-', witih u eqal eagr- I The younlg ii nn x was seated at table, and aness and daility. "'-elne he saxw the land- gave them to understan d theme sl to ladyt, who was a wome an in years, embr'racilg wlinch he belionged havingO arrived in Enga man dr~essed in a sailior's jacket, while she!anrd, he' was ind.lul-ged'xitl a mnonth's leave exc laimled,-" It is thy own flesh and blood, to see h1nis relations aInd theat le had received so sotre as i'm a living soul. Ah! poor about fifty pounllds inl srites CllIad prize-money. (-ireaves, poor Greaves, many a poor heart After dinner, just as l:,'-, be'an to deliberate has- o'ieveed Gor thee P" To this salltation i pon the measure's to be taken against Gobthe voutlih eplied,t' I'm sorry f)Ir that, mis- ble, that gentleman a. rrixved at the inn, and tless. Hiow does poor iothet fI how does l1umbly craved admitlance. fr F'illet, struck SuLky Sedoernoor!" with a sudien dea, re tired into another The good woman of the house could not apartment xvithi the youn - ittr"iier while the 1ieo shedding tears at these interrogations' justice, being a.x d tt'lc d i the company deUhix!e Sir I auncelot interposing, said, not elared that he catne to propose ter is of acwvithout emrotion, 6"I perceive you are the commnod-a ion. e ac-orrdin ly o-xeered to son of trins Oalley. Your molher is in a, ask pardon of Sio r Laul riott in the pulblic bad' state of health, but in me yeou xVil! finrd a papers, and p-y fifty ipo>unds to the poor of real parent." Perceiving that tile younng rrn n tihe parish, as an atonemeilt for his misbehaoee himn with astonishment, he oave him to viour, provinetd the " ni;lt and his fiiends U de''sta. nd tilat his na as e Launcelot would'ra.t him a gelera]l release. Our adCGreaives. venturler told 1im, he would williingly wave Oalrey no sooner heard these words pro- all personital coneesi'Aols; but, as the case nouincerd, thai lihe fell upon his knees, and concerneda the coiilrit:nity, he insisted upon seizin' tlte lniihtt's harnd, kissed it ea'-ei'ry, his leairlg or' cti.a isn the commission, and c,'xno,'," GoC-o fo ever bless your lonoul, t maino "xl- ati oi,;tii: o to'he parties he had inaei your nanle-son, sure enoiiah —but xw-lht jllred anii i (-,t''sse d. This declaration in0:;.at? I can earn my bread vithout beisn trolduled a tdislcson, in the course of which behol.den to any man." tile justice's petulance began to revive; W57ihen thle Iniaght raised him up, he turned xwhen Fillet, entering' the room, told them he to the woman of the house, sayinm, —" I had a reconciling Ineasure to propose. if' lMr wvant to see mnother. I'm afraid as how Gobble rwould f'cr a few minutes wvithdlaw. tanes are hi'id with her; and I have saved Hie rose up irmediaately, an.d was shown into sonme money for her use." This instance of the room which Fillet had prepared for his fidial duty brought tears into the eyes of our reception. WV7hile he sat musino on this adventurer, whllo assured him his mother untoward adventure, so big with disgrace sOt ild be carefiully attended, and wan t for and disaplsomintmienl, youna Oakley, accordnithuna' h but that it would be very improper min to tthe insthuctioni ie had received, apta see hier a' present, as the x' roi.ll melt peared all at onlee bexxre fhirm, poinacng to a sh(ck' her too rmuch, cosiderinl.a'! that she ghastly wound ti lwhi-h lj e doctor htiad painted UelietAed him dead. " Ey, indeed,"l cre d'te on his forehea. Tbe a':)jaritiol no sooner landlady, " we were all of thes snls"e opjinioni, presented itself to tohe eves of Gobble, than l:eilga, as the report went that nu;nor tr"cves tankiai, it i'ir rlanted iLt vas the spirit of the (akIle-C \oxS!a-illed in battle." Tord, mis- youn' fa.rmerw xvhose death hle had occasioned, iLtess,"f said 0,akley, " tlsee w-ae'new t a. w-ord he roared aloud —' Lord have mercy upon of truth in it,'ll assiure yotu. T5lat, l've us!" and -fell insensible on the floor. There j2ink I'd tell a lie ahbolt tl e mattter - H-urt I bengo founid by the company, to whom Fillet 5 A"* 6 7fi 258 SMOLLETT'S SELECT WORKS. had communicated his contrivance, he was the men that were killed in Admiral P —'s conveyed to bed, where he lay some time ship, when he fought the French in the East before he recovered the perfect use of his Indies, and your son was not in the number." senses. Then he earnestly desired to see To this intimation she replied, after a conthe knight, aid assured him he was ready siderable pause,-" Don't, my good neighto comply with his terms, inasmuch as he bour, don't feed me with false hope. My believed he had not long to live. Advantage poor Greaves too certainly perished in a fowas immediately taken of this salutary dis- reign land-yet he is happy;-had he lived position. EHe bound himself not to act as a to see me in this condition, grief would soon justice of the peace, in any part of Great have put a period to his days." "I tell you Britain, under the penalty of five thousand then," cried the visitant, " he is not dead. pounds. HIe burned Mrs Oailey's note; I have seen a letter that mentions his being paid the debts of the shopkeeper; undertook well since the battle. You shall come along to compound those of the publican, and to with me-you are no longer a prisoner, but settle him again in business; and, finally, dis- shall live at my house comfortably, till your charged them all from prison, paying the affairs are settled to your wish." dues out of his own pocket. These steps The poor widow followed her in silent being taken with peculiar eagerness, he was astonishment, and was immediately accomremoved to his own house, where lie assured modated with necessaries. his wife he had seen a vision that prognosti- Next morning her hostess proceeded with cated his death; and had immediate recourse her in the same cautious manner, until she to the curate of the parish for spiritual con- wvas assured that her son had returned. solation. Being duly prepared, she was blessed with a The most interesting part of the task that sight of poor Greaves, and fainted away in now remained, was to make the widow Oak- his arms. ley acquainted with her good fortune, in such We shall not dwell upon this tender scene, a nlanner as might least disturb her spirits, because it is but of a secondary concern in already but too much discomposed. For the history of our knight.errant: let it suffice this purpose they chose the landlady, who, to say, their mutual happiness was unspeakafter having received proper directions how able. She was afterwards visited by Sir to regulate her conduct, visited her in per- ILauncelot, whoni she no sooner beheld, son that same evening. Finding her quite than, springing forwards with all the eagercalm, and her reflection quite restored, she ness of maternal affection, she clasped him began with exhorting her to ptut her trust in to her breast, crying, —" My dear child! my Providence, which would never forsake the Launcelot! my pride! my darling! my kind cause of the injured widow and fatherless: benefactor! This is not the first time I she promised to assist and befriend her on have hugged you in these arms i O! you all occasions, as far as her abilities would are the very image of Sir Everhard in his reach: she gradually turned the conversation youth; but yvou have got the eyes, the comupon the family of the Greaves; and by de- plexion, the sweetness and complacency of grees informed her, that Sir Launcelot, my dear and ever-honoured lady." This having learned her situation, was determined was not in the strain of hireling praise; but to extricate her from all her troubles. Per- the genuine tribute of esteem and admiraceivino her astonished, and deeply affected tion. As such, it could not but be agreeable at this intimation, she artfully shifted the to our hero, who undertook to procure Oakdiscourse, recommended resignation to the ley's discharge, and settle him in a comfortdivine will, and observed, that this circurn- able farm on his own estate. stance seemed to be an earnest of further In the imean time Greaves went with a happiness. 1' 0! I'm incapable of receiving heavy heart to the house of farmer Sedgemore!' cried tSie disconsolate widow, with moor, where he found Suky. who had been streaming eyes. "Yet I ought not to be prepared for his reception, in a transport of surprised at any blessing that flows from joy, though very weak and greatly emaciated. that quarter. The family of Greaves were Nevertheless, the return of her sweetheart always virtuous, humane, and benevolent. had such a happy effect on her constitution, This young g'entleman's mother was my that in a. few, weeks her health was perfectly dear lady and benefactress: he himself was restored. suckled at these breasts. 0! he was the This adventure of our knight was crowned sweetest, comeliest, best-conditioned babe! with every happy circumstance that could I loved not my own Greaves with greater give pleasure to a generous mind. The affection-but he, alas! is now no more!" prisoners were released, and reinstated in " Have patience, good neighbour," said the their former occupations. The justice perlandlady of the W vhite HIart, " that is more formed his articles fro)m fear, and afterwards than you have any right to affirm —all that turned over a new leaf fiom remorse. Young you know of the matter is by common re- Oakley was nnarried to Sukv, with whori he port, and common report is commonly false; received a co nsiderable portion. The newhesids. T canI tell you I have seen a list of married couple foburnd a farm ready stocked ADVENTURES OF SIR LAUNCELOT GREAVES. 259 for them on the knight's estate; and the he saw and owned the rationality of these mother enjoyed a happy retreat in the cha- remarks. lie readily undertook to employ racter of housekeeper at Greavesbury-hall. all his influence with Crowe to dissuade him from his extravagant design; and seized the first opportunity of' being alone with the CHAPTER XGIII. captain, to signify his sentiments on this subject.-" Captain Crowe," said he, "you In which ovr knight is tantalized with a are then determined to proceed in the course transient glirnpse offelicity. of knight-errantry?"." I am," replied the seaman, " with God's help, d'ye see, and the TIIE success of our adventurer, which we assistance of wind and weather-" 6' What have particularized in the last chapter, could dost thou talk of wind and weather l" cried not fail of enhancing his character, not only the knight, in an elevated tone of affected among those who knew him, but also among transport, " without the help of heaven, inthe people of the town, to whom lie was not deed, we are all vanity, imbecility, weakness, an utter stranger. The populace surrounded and wretchedness; but if thou art resolved the house, and testified their approbation in to embrace the life of an errant, let me not loud huzzas. Captain Crowe was more than hear thee so much as whisper a doubt, a ever inspired with veneration for his admired wish, a hope, or sentiment, with respect to patron, and more than ever determined to any other obstacle, which wind or weather, pursue his footsteps in the road of chivalry. fire or water, sword or famine, dancer or Fillet and his friend the lawyer could not disappointment, may throw in the way of help conceiving an affection, and even a pro- thy career. When the duty of thy professfound esteem, fbr the exalted virtue, the ion calls, thou must singly rush upon innuperson, and accomplishments of the knight, merable hosts of armed men: thou must dashed as they were with a mixture of ex- storm the breach in the mouth of batteries travagance and insanity. Even Sir Launce- loaded with death and destruction, while lot himself was elevated to an extraordinary every step thou movest, thou art exposed to degree of self complacency on the fortunate the horrible explosion of subterranean mines, issue of his adventure, and becarme more which, beinng sprung, will whirl thee aloft in and more persuaded that a knight-errant's the air, a mangled corse, to feed the fowls of profession might be exercised, even in Eng- heaven; thou must leap into the abyss of land, to the advantage of the community. dismal caves and caverns, replete with poiThe only person of the company who seemed sonous toads and hissing serpents: thou unanimated with tihe general satisfaction was must plunge into seas of burning sulphur: Mr T'hornas Clarke. I-Ie had, not without thou must launch upon the ocean in a crazy good reason, laid it down as a maxim, that bark, when the foaming billows roll mounknight-errantry and madness were synony- tains high, when the lightning flashes, the mous terms; and that mnadness, though ex- thunder roars, and the howling tempest hibited in the most advantageous and agree- blows, ds if it would commix the jarring able light, could not change its nature, but elements of air and water, earth and fire, must continue a perversion of sense to the and reduce all nature to the original anarchy end of the chapter. He perceived the addi- of chaos. Thus involved, thou must turn tional impression wl-ich the brain of his thy prow full against the fury of the storm, uncle had sustained, fioom the happy manner and stem the boisterous surge to thy destined in which the benevolence of Sir Launcelot port, though at the distance of a thousand had so lately operated; and began to fear it leagues-thou must-" would be in a little time quite necessary to "Avast, avast, brother," exclaimed the have recourse to a commission of lunacy, impatient Crowe, "you've got into the high which might not only disgrace the family of latitudes, d'ye see: —if so be as you spahk it the Crowes, but also tend to invalidate the away at that rate, adad, I can't continue in settlement which the captain had already tow-we must cast off the rope, or'ware made in favour of our young lawyer. timbers. As for your'osts and breecnes, Perplexed with these cogitations, Mrl and hurling aloft, d'ye see, your caves and Clarke appealed to our adventurer's own re- caverns, whistling tuoads and serpents, burnflection. H-le expatiated upon the bad con- ing brimstone and foaming billows, we must sequences that would attend his uncle's takle our hap; I value'em not a rotten ratperseverance in the execution of a scheme line: but as for sailing in the wind's eye, so foreign to his faculties; and entreated brother, you must give me leave no offence him, for the love of God, to divert him from I hope-I pretend: to be a thorough-bred his purpose, either by arguments or authority; seaman, d'ye see —and I'll be damn'd if you, as, of all mankind, the knight alone had or e'er an arhant that broke biscuit, ever gained such an ascendency over his spirits, sailed in a threemrrast vessel within five that he would listen to his exhortations with points of the wind, allowing f(ir variation ana respect and submission. lee-way.-No, no, brother, none of your Our adventurer was not so mad, but that tricks upon travellers —I a'n't now to learn 26 0 SMOLLETT'S SELECT WORKS. my compass." " Tricks!" cried the knight, " Enough, enough —such blasphemy shall starting up, and laying his hand on the purm- not pass unchastised. In consideration of mel of his sword, "what! suspect my hon- our having lced fromn the same table, and our?" maintained together a friendly, though short Crowe, supposing him to be really in- intercourse, 1 will not demand the combat censed, interrupted him with great earnest- before you are dily prepaured. Proceed to ness, saying,-" iNay, don't —what apize! the first great town where you can be furadds-buntlines! —I didn't go to give you the nished with horse and harnessing, with arms lie, brother, smite my limbs: I only said as offensive and defensiove; provide a trusty how to sail in the wind's eye was inmpossible." squire, assume a mnotto a-id device, declare "And I say unto thee," resumed tle knig'ht, yourself a son of' chivalr, and proclairn the "nothing is impossible to a true knight- excellence of her who rules youri heart. I errant, inspired and animnated by love." shall fetch a compass; and wheresoever we "And I say unto thee," holla'd Crowe, "if so may chance to inmeet, let us engage with be as how love pretends to turn his hawse- equal arms in mortal combat, that shall deholes to the wind, he's no seaman, d'ye see, cide and determine this dispu3te.7" but a snotty-nosed lubberly boy, that knows So saying, our adventurer stalked with not a cat fiom a capstan —a don't."' great soleiiinity into another apartment; H' Ile that does not believe that love is an while Crowe, being sufficiently irritated, infallible pilot mlust not emnbark upon the snapped his fingers in token of defiance. voyage of chivalry; for, next to the protec- I-onest Crowe thouhllt liimself scurvily used tion of heaven, it is finom love that the knight by a man whom he had cultivated with such derives all his prowess and glory. The bare humility and veneration; aid, after an iiiconame of' his mistress invioorates his arm': herent ejacullation of oa oths, went in quest the remembrance of her beauty infuses into of his nephew, in order to make him achis breast the most hleroic sentiments of quainted with this uinlucly transaction. courage; while the idea of her chastity Jin the mean time, Sir Launcelot havino hedges him round like a charm, and renders ordered supper, retined into his own chanmhini invulnerable to the sword of' his anta- ber, almd,yave a loose to thle m3ost tender gonist. A knight withoult a mistress is a emotions of his heart. Hlfe recollected all mere non-entity, or at least a monster in the fond ideas which hniad been. excited in the nature, a pilot without corn pass, a ship with- course of his correspondence with the charmout rudder, and must be driven to and fro ing Aurelia. He remembered with horror upon the waves of discomfiture and dis- the cruel letter lie had received from that grace." young lady, containing a formal renunciation "An that be all," replied the sailor,' I of his attachment; so unsuitable to the told you before as how I've got a sweetheart, whole tenor of her citaracter and conduct. as true a hearted girl as ever swung in can- I-e revolved the late adventlure of the coach, vass. —What tho'f she may have started a and the declaration of rlxr Clarrke, with equal hoop in rolling-that signifies nothing —I'll eagerness and astonishlmeit; and was seized warrant her tigfht as a nut-shell." with the most ardent desire of uni avelling a " She must, in your opinion, be a paragon mystery so interesting to the predominant eitler of beauty or virtue. Now, as you passion of his heart. All these mingled conhave given up the last, you must uphold her siderations produced a kind of felment in charms unequalled, and her rperson without the economy of his mind, which subsided a parallel." " I do, I do uphold she will sail into a profound reverie, compounded of hope upon a parallel as well as e'er a frigate that and perplexity. was rigged to the nortllward of fifty." From this trance lie was waked by the "At that rate, she must rival the attrac- arrival of his squire, who entered the room tions of her whom I adore; but that, I say, with the blood tricklingo over his nose, and is impossible: the perfections of my Aurelia stood before him without spealking. When are altogether supernatural; and as two the knight asked whose livery was that he suns cannot shine together in the same wore, he replied,-"'Tis your honour's own sphere with equal splendour, so I affirm, and livery:- I received it on your account, and will prove with my body, that your mistress, hope as you will quit the score." Then he proin comparison wittl mine, is as a glow-worm ceeded to inform his master, that two officers to the meridian sun, a rush-light to the fill of the army lavinsg come into tIle kitchen, moon, or a stale mackarel's eye to a pearl insisted upon havino for their si-pper the of orient." " IHarkve, brother, you mig'ht victuals which Sir Laurnelot had bespoke; give good words, however: an we once fiLll and that he, the squire, obiecting' to the proat, jawincg, d'ye see, I can heave out as much pose.l, one of them had seized tlhe poler, and bilg'ewater as aniother; and since you be- basted him witl: his own blood; that, when sAmjear my sweetheart Besselia, I can as well he told them lie belonoed'o a onight-errant, ledaulb your mistress Aurelia, whom I valuiem and threatened them witi the vernoeance of 11o more than old junk, pork-slush, or stink- his master, they cursed and abused him, nig stockfish." callin,' himn Sancho P'anza, and such dog's ADVENTURES OF SIR LAUNCELOT GREAVES. 261 names; and bade him tell his master Don of helpless young women, was not only unQuicksot, that, if he made any noise, they becoming gentlemen, but expressly contrary would confirne him to his cage. and lie with to the law, inasmuch as they might be sued his mistress Dulcinea. —" T'o be sure, sir," for an assault on an action of damages. said he, "they thought you as great a nin- To this remonstrance the two heroes in compoop as your squire-trimi-tram, like red replied by a volley of dreadful oaths, inmaster like ian; —but I hope as how termingled with tllreats, wilich put the lawyou will give thenm a Rowland for their yer in some pain for his ears. Oliver." While one thus endeavoured to intimidate "Miscreant!" cried the.o]ght, "you have honest Tom Clarle, thie other thundered at provoked the getlemenm with your imperti- the door of the a[arltrnielit to whichl the ladies nence, and they have chastised you as you had retired, delmaniingo admittance, but redeserve. I tell th.ee, Crabshaw, they have ceived no other answer than a loud shriek. saved me tihe trouble of punishing thee with Our adventurer advancing to this uncivil my own hands; antd well it is foi thee, sinner champion, accosted him thlus, in a grave and as thou art, that they themselves have per- solemn tone.-" Assuredly I could not have foibrmed the office; for, had they complained believed, except upon thle evidence of my to me of thy insolence and rusticity, by own senses, that persons who have the apHeaven! I would have made thee an exani- pearance of gentlemen, and bear his majesty's ple to all the inpudent squires upon tl-e face honourable commission in the army, could of the eartl. Hence, then, avaunt, caitiff! behave so wide of the decorum due to soLet his majesty's officers, who perhaps are ciety, of a proper respect to the laws, of that fitigue-d with hard duty in the service of humanity which we owe to our fellow-creatheir country, comfort themselves with the tures, and that delicate regard for the fair supper whitc was intended for me, and leave sex, which ought to )revxail in the breast of me undisturbed to my own meditations." every gentleman, and which, in particular, Timothy did not require a repetition of dignifies the character of a soldier. To this command, which he forthwith obeyed, whom shall that weakler, thlough more amiagrowling within himself, that thencefbrward ble, part of the creation fly tor protection, he should let every cuckold wear his own if they are insulted and outraged by those horns;. but he couid not help entertaining whose more immediate duty it is to afford somne doubts with respect to the courage of them seciurity and defence f'omn injury and his master, who, he supposed, was one of violence! V9?hat right have you, or any those Hectors who have their fightingdays, man upon earth, to excite riot in a public but are not at all tinies equally prepared for inn, which miay be deemled a temple sacred the combat. to hospitality; to distutllb the quiet of your'The knimht, having taken a slight repast, fellow guests, some of them. perhaps exretired to his repose, and had for some time hanlsted by fatioue; some of them invaded enjoyed a very agreeable slumber, when he by distemper; to interrupt the kigno's lieges was startled by a knocking at his chamber- in their cou rse of joulrneyinor upon their lawdoor. "I beg yout honour's pardon," said ful occasions? Above all, what motive but the landlady, " hbut there are two uncivil wanton barbarity coiild prompt you to violate persons in the klitchen, who have wel1 nioh the apartmernt, and terifty the tender hearts turned i.y whole house topsy-turvy. lot of two helpless younrg ladies, travelling, no content with layino viole-nt hands on your doubt, upon some cruel emergency, which hlonour's supper, they want to be rude to compels them, unattended, to encounter in two young ladies who are just arrived, and the nicght the dangels of tho highlway?" have called for a post-chaise to go on. I-learIkye, Don Betliem," said the capThey are afraid to open their clhamber-door tain, strutting ul!), and cocklinog his hat in the to get out; and the young lawyer is like to face of our adventturer,' you may be as mad be murdered for takimng the ladies' part." as e'er a straw-crowniied monarch in MoorSir Laulncelot, thoughl he refused to take fields, for aughlt i care; but, damme! don't notice of the insult which had been oii'ered to you be saucy, otherwise I shall dutb your himself, no sooner heard of the distress of the worship with a good stick acrossy our sloulladies, than he started up, huddled on his dels." Hoxv! petulant boy!" cried the clothes, and, girding his sword to his loins, ad- knight, "since you are so ignorant of urbavanced withl a deliber ate pace to the kitchen, nitv, I whill give you a lesson thlat you shall wvhere he perceived Thlolmas Clarke warmly not elsily for et." So sayvin, he unsheathengaged in altercation with a coumple of yoting ed his sword, and called upon the soldier to nmen dressed in reogimentals, who, with a draw in his defence. peculiar air of arrogance and ferocity, treat-'The reader may have seen the physioged him with oreat insolence and contemrpt. nomv of a stocklolder at Jonathan's when Tom was endeavomering to persuade them, the rebels were at Derby, or the features that, inl the constitution of England, the of a bard when accosted by a baiii, or the military was always subservient to the civil countenance of an alderman when his banker power; and that their behaviour to a couple stops payment; if lie has seen either of thfese 262 SMOLLETT'S SELECT WORKS. phenomena, he may conceive the appearance sir, didn't you see who it was?" "Hah that was now exhibited by the visage of the how!" exclaimed the knight, reddening with ferocious captain, when the naked sword of alarm, "xwho was iti?. " One of them," Sir Launcelot glanced before his eyes. Far replied the lawyer, " was Dolly, our old landfrom attempting to produce his own, which lady's daughter at the Black Lion. I klnew her was of unconscionable length, he stood mo- when first she alighted, notwithstanding her tionless as a statue, staring witli the most being neatly dressed in a green josepi, which, ghastly look of terror and astonishment. I'll assure you, sir, becomes her remarlkably His companion, who partook of his panic, well. I'd never desire to see a prettier creaseeing matters brought to a very serious ture. As for the other, she's a very genteel crisis, interposed with a crest-fallen counte- woman; but whether old or young, ugly or nance, assuring Sir Launcelot they had no handsome, I can't pretend to say, for she was intention to quarrel, and what they had done masked. I had just time to salute Dolly, was entirely fbr the sake of the frolic. and ask a few questions; but all she could "By such friolics," cried the knight, "you tell me was, that the masked lady's name become nuisances to society, bring yourselves was Miss Meadows; and that slhe, Dolly, into contempt, and disgrace the corps to was hired as her w'aiting-woman." which you belong. I now perceive the truth When the name of IMeadows was menof the observation, that cruelty always resides tionied, Sir Launcelot, whose spirits had been with cowardice. My contempt is changed iin violent conmmotion, became suddenly calm into compassion; and as you are probably of and serene, and hie began to cornmunicate to good families, I must insist upon this young Clarlke the dialogue which had passed beman's drawing his sword, and acquitting tween him and Captain Crowe, when the himself in such a manner as may screen him hostess, addressing herself to our errant,from the most infamous censure which an " Well," said she, "I have had the honour officer can undergo." "Lack-a-day, sir," to accommodate many ladies of the first said the other, "we are no officers, but fashion at the White Hart, both young and'prentices to two London haberdashers, tray- old, proud and lowly, ordinary and handsome; ellers for orders. Captain is a good travel- but such a miracle as Miss TMieadows I never ling name, and we have dressed ourselves yet did see. Lord, let me never thrive but like officers to procure more respect upon I think she is of something more than a the road." human creature! —O! had your honour butl The knight said he was very glad, for the set eyes on her, you would have said it was honour of the service, to find they were im- a vision from heaven, a cherubim of beauty!-_ postors, though they deserved to be chas- For my part, I can hardly think it was any tised for arrogating to themselves an hon- thing but a dream —then so meek, so mild, ourable character, which they had not spirit so good-natured, and generous! I say, to sustain. blessed is the young woman who tends upon These words were scarce pronounced, when such a heavenly creature: —and, poor dear Mr Clarke approaching one of the bravadoes, young lady! she seems to be under grief and who had threatened to crop his ears, be- affliction, fbir the tears stole down her lovely stowed such a benediction on his jaw as he cheeks, and looked for all the world like could not receive without immediate humili- orient pearl." ation; while Timothy Crabshaw, smarting Sir Launcelot listened attentively to the from his broken head and his want of supper, description, which reminded him of his dear saluted the other with a Yorkshire hug, that Aurelia, and, si-ghing bitterly, withdrew to laid him across the body of his companion. his own apartment. In a word, the two pseudo-officers were very roughly handled for their presumption in pretending to act characters for which they CHAPTER XIV. were so ill qualified. While Clarke and Crabshaw were thus lVWhich shows, that a man cannot always sip laudably employed, the two young ladies wheat the ciup is at his lip passed through the kitchen so suddenly, that the knight had only a transient glimpse of THosE who have felt the doubts, the jeatheir backs, and they disappeared before lie lousies, the resentments, the humiliations, could possibly make a tender of his services. the hopes, the despair, the impatience, and, The troth is, they dreaded nothing so much as in a word, the infinite disquiets of love, will their being discovered, and took the first op- be able to conceive the sea of agitation on portunity ofgl]idling into the chaise, which had which our adventurer was tossed all night.been for some time waiting in the passage. long, without repose or intermission. Some. Mr Clarke was much more disconcerted times he resolved to employ all his industry than our adventurer by their sudden escape. and address in discovering the place in which He ran with great eagerness to the door, Aurelia was sequestered, that he might resand, perceiving they were flown, returned to cue her friom the supposed restraint to which Sir Lauuncelot, saying, —" Lord bless my soul, she had been subjected. But when his heart ADVENTURES OF SIR LAUNCELOT GREAVES. 263 beat high with the anticipation of this ex- to two hundred and thirty pounds. Perceivploit, he was suddenly invaded, and all his ing at once that the loss of this treasure ardour checked, by the remembrance of that might be attended with the most embarrassfatal letter, written and signed by her own ing consequences to the owner, and reflecthand, which had divorced him from all hope, ing that this was a case which demanded and first unsettled his understanding. The the immediate interposition and assistance emotions waked by this remembrance were of chivalry, he declared that he himself so strong;, that he leaped from the bed, and, would convey it safely into the hands of the fire being still burning in the chimney, Miss Meadows; and desired to know the lighted a candle, that he might once more road she had pursued, that he might set out banquet his spleen by reading the original in quest of her without a moment's delay. billet, which, together with the ring he had It was not without some difficulty that this received from Miss Darnel's mother, he kept information was obtained from the post-boy, in a small box, carefully deposited within who had been enjoined to secrecy by the his portmanteau. This being instantly un- lady, and even gratified with a handsome locked, he unfolded the paper, and recited reward for his promised discretion. The the contents in these words: same method was used to make him disgorge " SIn, his trust; he undertook to conduct Sir Laun" Obliged as I am by the passion you pro- celot, who hired a post-chaise for dispatch, fess, and the eagerness with which you and immediately departed, after having diendeavour to give me the most convincing rected his squire to follow his track with proof of your regard, I feel some reluctance the horses. in making you acquainted with a circum- Yet, whatever haste he made, it is absostance, which, in all probability, you will not lutely necessary, for the reader's satisfaction, learn without some disquiet. But the affair that we should outstrip the chaise, and visit is become so interesting, I am compelled to the ladies before his arrival. We shall, tell you, that however agreeable your propo- therefore, without circumlocution, premise, sals may have been to those whom I thought that Miss Meadows was no other than that it my duty to please by every reasonable paragon of beauty and goodness, the allconcession, and howsoever you may have accomplished Miss Aurelia Darnel. She had, been flattered by the seeming complacency with that meekness of resignation peculiar with which I have heard your addresses, I to herself, for some years submitted to every now find it absolutely necessary to speak in species of oppression which her uncle's a decisive strain, to assure you, that, without tyranny of disposition could plan, and his sacrificing my own peace, I cannot admit a unlimited power of guardianship execute, till continuation of your correspondence; and at length it rose to such a pitch of despotism that your regard for me will be best shown as she could not endure. He had projected by your desisting from a pursuit which is a match between his niece and one Philip altogether inconsistent with the happiness of Sycamore, Esq. a young man who possessed " AURELIA DARNEL." a pretty considerable estate in the north Having pronounced aloud the words that country, who liked Aurelia's person, but was composed this dismission, he hastily replaced enamonred of her fortune, and had offered the cruel scroll, and, being too well ac- to purchase Anthony's interest and alliance quainted with the hand to harbour the least with certain concessions, which could not doubt of its being genuine, threw himself but be agreeable to a man of loose principles, Into his bed in a transport of despair, mingled who would have found it a difficult task to with resentment; during the predominancy settle the accounts of his wardship. of which he determined to proceed in the According to the present estimate of matcareer of adventure, and endeavour to fi)rget rimonial felicity, Sycamore might have found the unkindness of his mistress amidst the admittance as a future son-in-law to any priavocations of knight-errantry. vate family of the kingdom. He was by birth Such was the resolution that governed his a gentleman, tall, straight, and muscular, thoughts, when he rose in the morning, with a fair, sleek, unmeaning face, that proordered Crabshaw to saddle Bronzomarte, mised more simplicity than ill-nature. His and demanded a bill of his expense. Before education had not been neglected, and he inthese orders could be executed, the good herited an estateoffivethousand a-year. Miss womrnan of the house, entering his apartment, Darnel, however, had penetration enough to told him, with marks of concern, that the discover and despise him, as a strange compoor young lady, Miss Meadows, had drop- position of rapacity and profusion, absurdity ped her pocket-book in the next chamber, and good sense, bashfnlness and impudence where it was found by the hostess, who now self-conceit and diffidence, awkwardness and presented it unopened. ostentation, insolence and good-nature, rashOur knight having called in Mrs Oakley ness and timidity. He was continually surand her son as witnesses, unfolded the book rounded and preyed upon by certain vermin, without reading one syllable of the contents, called led captains and buflbons, who showed and found in it five bank-notes, amounting him in leading-strings, like a sucking giant. 264 SMOLLETT'S SELLECT WORKS. rifled his pockets without ceremony, ridiculed An impression of this nature is easily prehim to his flace, triaduced his chlaracter, and served amlon servants, widen the master of exposed him in a thousand ludicrous attitudes the family thinlks his interest is concerned for the diversion of the public: while at the in suppoirting the imposture. The mnelarnsamn-e time he knew tleir knavery, saw tlheir choiy produced fioom her confinement, and drift:, detested their morals, and despised the;-ivacity of her resentment uilde ill-usage, their understadiic'l. Ie was so infatuated were, by -the address of' Ant-hotyv, and the by indolence of thoought, and communication prepossession of' his doinestics, perverted with folly, that he would have rather suf- into the eft'cts oi insality; and the sanme fered himself to be led into a ditch with interpretation was strianed upon her most company, than be at the pains of going over inldiffrent words and actions. a bridge alone; and involved himself in a The tidings of Miss Darnel's disorder thousand difficulties, the natural consequen- were carefully circulated in whispers, and ces of an error in the first concoction, which, soon reached the eprrs of aMr kSycamnore, who though he plainly saw it, hie had riot resolu- was not at all pleased wilth the inforimation. tion enough to avoid. From the knowledge of Anthony's disposiSuch was the character of Sqclire Syca- tion, he suspected the truth of tie report; more, who professed himself the rival of Sir and, unwilling to see such a prize ravished Launcelot Greaves in the good graces of from his grasp, he, with the advice and asMiss Aurelia Darnel. He b-ead in thifs pursuit sistance of his myrvmidons, resolved to set persevered with more constancy and forti- the captive at liberty, in full hope of turning tude than lie ever exerted in any other in- the adventure to his own adv-antage; fir he stance. Being generally needy from extra- argued in this manner:- "1f she is in fact vagance, he was stimulated by his wants, compos meantis, her gratitude w-ill operate in and animated by his vanity, which was art- mry belhalf, and even prudence will advise her fully instigated by his followers, who hoped to enibrace the proffered asylumn- fiom the to share the spoils of his success. These villainy of her uncle. If she is really dismotives were reinforced by the incessant ordered, it will be no great diolculty to deand eager exhortations of Anthony Darnel, ceive her into marriage, and theni I beconme who, seeing his ward in the last year of her her trustee of course." minority, thought there was no tirne to be The plan was well conceived, but Sycalost in securing his own indemnification, more had not discretion enough to keep his and snatching his niece for ever from the own counsel. From wveakness and Ivanity, hopes of Sir Launcelot, whom he now hated lhe blabbed the desicrn, which, in a little time, with redoubled animosity. Finding Aurelia was communic ated to Anthony Darnel, and deaf to all his remonstrances, proof atgainst lie took hiis precautions accordingly. Being ill usage, and resolutely averse to the pro- infirm in his owvn person, and consequently posed union with Sycamore, he endeavoured unfit for opposing the violence of some desto detach her thoughlts from Sir Launcelot, peradoes, whom hie knew to be the satellites by fobrging tales to the prejudice of his con- of Sycamore, lie prepared a private retreat stancy and moral character, and, finally, by for his ward at the house of an old oentlerecapitulating the proofs and instances of man, the companion of his youth, whom he his distraction, which he particularized with had imposed upon with the fiction of her the most malicious exaggerations. being disordered in her understandino, and In spite of all his arts, -le found it imprac- amused with a story of a dangerous design ticable to surmount her objections to the upon her person. Thus cauiitioned and inpurposed alliance, and therefore changed structed, the gentleman had gone mwith his hiis battery. Instead of transferring her to own coach and servants to receive Aurelia the arms of his friend, he resolved to detain and her governante at a third house, to her in his own power by a legal claim, which wihich she had been privately removed fiom wvould invest him with the uncontrolled man- her uncle's habitation; and in this jouriney agement of! her affairs. This'was a charge it was that she had been so accidentally proof lunacy, in consequence of which he hoped tected fi'om the violence of the robbers by to obtain a commission, to secure a jury to the interposition and prowess of our advenhis wish, atnd be appointed sole committee turer. of her person, as well as steward on her es- As he did not wear his helmet in that extate, of which he would then be heir appa- ploit, she recognized his features as he passrent. ed the coach, and, struck with the appariAs the first steps towards the execution tion, slhrieked aloud. She had been assuof this honest scheme, lie had subjected Au- red by hier guardian that his design was to relia to the superintendency and direction of convey her to her own house; but perceivan o.d duenna, who had been formerly the i:ig in the sequel that the carriage struck off procuress of his pleasures; and hired a new upon a diff-erent road, and finding herself set of servants, who were given to under- in the hands of stranioers, she began to dread stand, at their first admission, that tile young a much more disagreeable fate, and conlady was disordered in her brain. ceived doubts and ideas that filled her ten ADVENTURES OF SIR LAUNCELOT GREAVES. 265 der heart with horror and afiction. When gagged her mouth, and tied her to a tree, she expostulated with tle duenna, she was where he left her to her own meditations. treated like a changelinog, admonished to be Then he mounted before Dolly, and through quiet, and reminded tlhat she was under the unfrequented paths conducted his charge to direction of those whlo would manage her an inn on the post-road, where a chaise was with a tender regard to her oxwn Nwelfare, ready fbr their reception. and the honour of her family. When she As lie refused to proceed farther, lest his addressed herself to the old gentleman, who absence fi-om i:ns own home should create xwas not much sul'bect to the e/notions of suspicion, Aurelia rewarded hi-n liberally, huaianity, aid besides firmrly persuaded that but would not art with her faithful Dolly, She was deprlv, d of her reason, hie made no who indeed had no inclination to be disansxer, but laid his fisloe r on ihis mouth, by charged; such an affection and attachment way of enioinini-l silerce. had she already acquirted for the aniable Trhis inystetious bellaviour atogiagva.ted the uilgitive, though shle linew neither lher story fears of the.poor hapless youngi( lady; anid nor her true naine. Aureliba thought proper her terrors xWaxed so strorlt, thiat wihen she to conceial both, ancd asstmed the fictitious saw Tom Clarke, whose face she knew, she appellation of Mloveadows, until she should be called aloud for assistance, ald even pro- better acquiainted vwith tle disposition and nounced the namrse of his patron, Sir Laun- discretion of her new attendant. celot Greaves, which she imagined rmight The first resollltion she could take, in the stimulate him the more to attempt somethling priesent:fluttetr of hler spirits, was to nmake for her deliveraince. the best of her xvay to London, where she The reader has already been informed in thouoht shle might firnd an asylum in the what manner the endeavours of Tom and his house of a feiale relation, married to an uncle miscarried. nliss Darnel's new kleep- eneminent physiciani, knoirv by the name of er having, in the course of his journey, halt- Kavdle. in the excution of this hasty reed for refieshmrnent at the Black Lion, of' solve, she travelled at a violent rate, from whlch, being landlord, he believed the good sta-e to stagre, in a earriiage drawn by four woman and her family were entirely devoted horses,;ithout haltintl fin o ecessary refireshto his will anid pleasure: Aurelia found an ment or repose. until shIe judnoed herself out opportunity of speaking in private to Dolly, of danger of being overttael. As ste apwvho had a very prepossessing appearance. peaired ovetrxhelmned withi grief and coslterShe conveyed a purse of money into the nation, thie good-natured Dotly endeavorc.ed hlands of t'his young woman, telling her, to alleviate ber distress wvith diverting diswhile the tears trickldd down her cheeks, course, and, among otheri less interesting that she was a young lady of fortune, in dan- stories, enitertained her with the adventures ger, as she apprehended, of assassination. of Sir Launcelot aned Captain Crowe, which This hint, which she communicated in a she lad seen and heard recited while thSey whisper, while the governante stood at the remnaiied at the MBlack Lion: nor did she other end of the room, was sufficient to in- fail to introdice TMr Thonaas Clarke in her terest the compassionate Dolly in her be- narrative, withi such a favourable representahalf. As soon as thile coach departed, she tion of his person and character, as plainly tnade her mother acquainted with the trans- discoxered thlat her own heart had received actionI; and as they naturally concluded that a rude sinoctk friom the irresistible force of the young' lady expected their assistance, his qualifications. they resolved to approve themselves worthy The history of Sir Launcelot Greaves was of hler confidence. a theme whtich effectually fixed the attention Dolly havinr enlisted in their design a of Aurelia, dstracted as hert ideas muss lhave trusty countrymnan, one of her own professed been by thie circumstanices of ter present admirers, they set out together for the house situation. Tle particulars of his con-iduct of the gentlernan in which the fair prisoner since thle corresponrdenice between hirn and was confined, and waited for her in secret at her had ceased, she heard with equa1 conthe end of a pleasant park, in whlich they cern arid astonishment; for, how fk-r soever naturally concluded she might be indulged she deemed hierself detached from all possiwitlh the p'ivilege of taking the air. The bility of fitture connexion with that young event justified their conception; on the very grentleman, she was not made of such indiffirst (lay of their wa.tch they saw her ap- ferent stuff as to learn without emotion the proachi, accompanied by hier duenna. Dolly calatmiitous disorder of an accoinlpished y onlto, and her attendant immediately tied their wlhose extraordinary virtues she cotld inot horses to a stalke, and retired into a thicket, but revere. which Aurelia did not fail to enter. Dolly As thev had deviated from the post-road, forthwith appeared, and, takino her by the taken precautions to conceal their route, hand, led her to the horses, one of which and made such progress, that they were now she mounted in the utmost hurry and trepi- wvithin one day's journey of London, the dation, while the countryman bound the careful and afectionate Dolly, seeing her duenna with a cord prepared for the purpose, dear lady quite exhausted with fatigue used 5 B* 68 266 SMOLLETT'S SELECT WORKS. all her natural rhetoric, which was very sons, which concerned her peace, for retainpowerful, mingled with tears that flowed ing that disguise. Our adventurer submitted from the heart, in persuading Aurelia to en- to this preliminary with a good grace, as he joy some repose: and so far she succeeded had nothing in view but the injunction of his in the attempt, that for one night the toil of order, and the duties of humanity; and he travelling was intermitted. This recess from was admitted without further preamble. incredible fatigue was a pause that afforded WNhen he entered the room, he could not our adventurer time to overtake them before help being struck with the presence of Authey reached the metropolis, that vast laby- relia. Her stature was improved since he rinth, in which Aurelia mlifght have been for had seen her; her shape was exquisitely ever lost to his inquiry. formed; and she received him with an air It was in the afternoon of the day which of dignity, which impressed him with a very succeeded his departure fiom the White sublime idea of her person and character. Hart, that Sir Launcelot arrived at the inn, She was no less affected at the sight of our where Miss Aurelia Darnel had bespoke a adventurer, who, though cased in armour, dish of tea, and a post-chaise for the next appeared with his head uncovered; and the stage. He had by inquiry traced her a con- exercise of travelling had thrown such a siderable way, without ever dreaming who glow of health and vivacity on his features, the person really was whom he thus pursued, which were naturally elegant and expressive, and now he desired to speak with her at- that we will venture to say, there was not tendant. Dolly was not a little surprised to in all England a couple that excelled this see Sir Launcelot Greaves, of whose charac- amiable pair in personal beauty and accomter she had conceived a very sublime idea plishments. Aurelia shone with all the from the narrative of Mr Thomas Clarke; fabled graces of nymph or goddess; and to but she was still more surprised when he Sir Launcelot niight be applied what the gave her to understand that he had charged divine poet Ariosto says of the prince Zerhimself with the pocket-book, containing bino;the bank-notes which Miss Meadows had dropped in the house where they had been entra n fee e sta rpd him, sthe die dethreatened with insult. Mliss Darnel had, she he die d not yet discovered her disaster, when her st attendant, running into the apartment, pre- Our adventurer having made his obeisance sented the prize which she had received to this supposed Miss Meadows, told her, from our adventurer, with his complitnents with an air of pleasantry, that although he to Miss Meadows, implying a request to be thought himself highly honoured in being admitted into her presence, that he might admitted to her presence, and allowed to make a personal tender of his best services. pay his respects to her, as superior beings it is not to be supposed that the amiable are adored, unseen; yet his pleasure would Aurelia heard unmoved such a message fromrn receive a very considerable addition, if she a person whom her maid discovered to be would be pleased to withdraw that invidious the identical Sir Launcelot Greaves, whose veil, that he might have a glimpse of the story she had so lately related; but as the divinity which it concealed. Aurelia inmmeensuing scene requires fresh attention in the diately took off her mask, saying, with a reader, we shall defer it till another oppor- faltering accent, —" I cannot be so ungratetunity, when his spirits shall be recruited fill as to deny such a small favour to a genfrom the fatigue of this chapter. tleman who has laid me under the most important obligations." The unexpected apparition of Miss Aurelia CHAPTER XV. Darnel, beaming with all the emanations of ripened beauty, blushing with all the graces Exhibitingf an interview, which, it is to be of the most lovely confusion, could not but hoped, will interest the curiosity of the produce a violent effect upon the mind of reader. Sir Launcelot Greaves. HEe was, indeed, overwhelmed with a mingled transport of THE mind of the delicate Aurelia was astonishment, admiration, affection and awe. strangely agitated by the intelligence which The colour vanished from his cheeks, and he she received, with her pocket-book, from stood gazing upon her in silence, with the Dolly. Confounded as she was by the na- most emphatic expression of countenance. tore of her situation, she at once perceived Aurelia was infected by his disorder: she that she could not, with any regard to the began to tremble, and the roses fluctuated dictates oe! gratitude, refilse complying with on her face.-" I cannot forget," said she, the request of Sir Launcelot; but, in the " that I owe my life to the courage and hufirst hurry of her emotion, she directed Dolly manity of Sir Launcelot Greaves, and that to beg, in her name, that she might be ex- he at the same time rescued from tile most cused for wearing a mask at the interview dreadful death a dear and venerable parent." which he desired, as she had particular rea-'" \Would to heaven she still survived!" cried ADVENTURES OF SIR LAUNCELOT GREAVES. 267 our adventurer, with great emotion. "She heaven! I do not, madam," exclaimed our was the friend of my youth, the kind patron- adventurer; * "with me it was ever held a saess of my felicity! i ry guardian angel for- cred idea throned within my heart, cherished sook me when she expired her last injunc- with such fervency of regard, with such revtions are deep engraven on my heart!" erence of affection, as the devout anchorite WThile he pronounced these words, she lift- more unreasonably pays to those sainted reed her handkerchief to her fair eyes, and, after liques that constitutethe object of his adorasome pause, proceeded in a tremulous tone, tion." 1 "And like those reliques," answered "6 I hope, sir,-I hope you have — should Miss Darnel, "I have been insensible of my be sorry-pardon me, sir, I cannot reflect votary's devotion. A saint I must have been, uplon such an interesting subject unmoved." or something more, to know the sentiments — 1iere she fetched a deep sigh, that was of your heart by inspiration." "Did fboraccompanied by a flood of tears; while the bear," said he, "to express, to repeat, to knight continued to bend his eyes upon her enforce, the dictates of the purest passion with the utmost eagerness of attention. that ever warmed the human breast, until I I-laving recollected herself a little, she en- was denied access, and formally discarded deavoured to shift the conversation. —" You by that cruel dismission." "' I must beg your have been abroad since I had the pleasure to pardon, sir," cried Aurelia, interrupting him see you —I hope you were agreeably amused hastily, " I know not what you mean." in your travels." "No, madam," said our "That fatal sentence," said he, "if not prohero, drooping his head, " I have been un- nounced by your own lips, at least written fortunate." When she, with the most en- by your own fair hand, which drove me out chantingsweetness of benevolence, expressed an exile for ever from the paradise of your her concern to hear he had been unhappy, affection." " I would not," she replied, "do, and her hope that his misfortunes were not Sir Launcelot Greaves the injury to suppose past remedy, he lifted up his eyes, and fixing him capable of imposition; but you talk of them upon her again, with a look of tender things to which I am an utter stranger. I dejection,-" Cut off," said he, " from the have a right, sir, to demand of your honour, possession of what my soul held most dear, that you will not impute to me the breaking I wished for death, and was visited by dis- off a connection, which-I would —rather traction. I have been abandoned by my wish-had never —" "Heaven and earth reason-my youth is for ever blasted." what do I hear?" cried our impassioned The tender heart of Aurelia could bear no knight, " have I not the baleful letter to promore-her knees began to totter, the lustre duce 3 What else inbut Miss Darnel's exvanished from her eyes, and she fainted in plicit and express declaration could have the arms of her attendant. Sir Launcelot, destroyed the sweetest hope that ever cheered aroused by this circumstance, assisted Dolly my soul, could have obliged me to resign all in seating her mistress on a couch, where claim to that felicity for which alone I wished she soon recovered, and saw the knight on to live; could hlave filled my bosom with unhis knees before her —" T am still happy," utterable sorrow and despair; could have said he, " in being able to move your corn- even divested me of reason, and driven me passion, though I have been held unworthy from the society of men, a poor, forlorn, of your esteem." " Do me justice," she wandering lunatic, such as you see me now replied; "my best esteem has always been prostrate at your feet; all the blossoms of inseparably connected with the character of my youth withered, all the honours of my Sir Launcelot Greaves." "Is it possible?" family decayed'" cried our hero, " then surely I have no reason Aurelia looking wistfully at her lover, — to complain. If I have moved your com-n "Sir," said she, "you overwhelm me with passion, and possess your esteem, I am but amazement and anxiety! you are imposed one degree short of supreme happiness- upon, if you hlave received any such letter: that, however, is a oigantic step. 0 Miss you are deceived, if you thought Aurelia Darnel! when I remember that dear, that Darnel could be so insensible, ungrateful, melancholy moment." So saying, he gently and-incoistant." touched her hand, in order to press it to his This last word she pronounced with some lips, and perceived on her finger the very hesitation, and a downcast look, while her individual ringo which he had presented in face underwent a total sufifsion, and the lier mother's presence, as an interchanged knight's heart betan to palpitate with all the testimnony of plighted faith. Starting at the violence of emotion. Ile eagerly imprinted well-known object, the sight of which con- a kiss upon hier hand, exclaiming, in an injaried up a strange confusion of ideas,- terrupted phrase, —'Can it be possible "This," said he, " was once the pledge of Heaveii grant -Suire this is no illusion!somethinlo still more cordial than esteem. 0 Madam!-shall I call you my Aurelia'e Aurelia, blushing at this remark, while her My heart is bursting with a thousand fond eyes liohtened with unusual vivacity, replied thoughts and presages. You shall see that in a severer tone,-" Sir, you best know dire paper which hath been the source of hiaw it lost its original signification." "B By all my woes-it is the constant cempanmo 268 SMOLLETT'S SELECT WVORKS. of rny travels-last night I nourislled my concluded with these words,-'The rest chagrin with the perusal of its. horrid we nmust leave to the dispensations of Provicontents." dence.' Was it not Providence that sent Aurelia expressed great impatience to me hither, to guard and protect the injured view thie cruel forgery, for such she assured Aurelia?" Then tuIrning to Miiss Darnel, him it must be; but he could not gratify wvhose eyes streamed witli tears, he adl, d, —her desire, till the arrival of his servant with " Yes, divine creature! Heaven, careful of the portmanteau. In the mean time, tea your safety, and in cornpassion to my sui'e:was called. The lovers were seated: he ings, hath ruided me hither, in tlis il.vsterilooked and lango'lished; she flllshed and fal- ous manner, thlat I rni'rit def'end you fi'for'1 tered: all was doubt and delririum, fondness violence, and enjoy this transitio fron1 mn1al and flutter. Their mutual disordercomnruni- ness to deliberation, fiom despair to toca ted itself to tuhe kind-hearted, sympathizing licity." Dolly, who lad been witness to the interview, So saying, lie approached this uariable and deeply abiected wi th the disclosure of the mourner, this fi'raiant flowei of beautyv, litscene. iJnspeakable was her surprise, when terirnit with the dew-drops of' the mlrorningo she found her mistress, Miss Meadoivs, was this sweet arnd gentlest, loveliest ornament no other than tle celebrated Aurelia Darnel, of lhumar nature: hfe gazed ulpon herI with whose euilo'ginm she hadl heard so eloquently looks of love ineaffble; he sat down by hler; pronounced bhy i-er svweetleart, Mir Thomas he pressed her soft hand in his; he beoGan to Clarke; a discovery which still Inore endeared fear that all he staw was the flatterinrr vision her lady to her affection. She had wept plen- of a distempered brain; he looked and siihed, tifully at the progress of their mutual explana- and, turningo up his eyes to heavel, breathed, tion, and was now so disconcerted, that she in broken rmitrnurs, the chaste raptures of scarce knew the meanino; of the orders she his soril. he telderness of this communihad received: she set the kettle on the table, cation was too painful to be longr endlured. and placed the tea-board on the fire. Her Aurelia iildustriously interposed other slbconfiusion, by attractintr the notice of her jects of discourse, that his attention n!iht mnistress, hel-ed to relieve her from her own not be danLierously overchargoed, and tIhe embarrassing' sietuttion. She with hier own afternoon passed insensibly away. delicate hands rectified thle mistake of Dolly, Thouih lie. hlad determined, in his own who still continued to sob, and said, —" Yaw mind, never more to quit this idol of his soul, rmay thinkli, my Leady Darnel, as ]law I'aive they had riot v(:t concerted any plan of conveaten hool-cheese; but it y'ant soa. I'se duct, when tlei r ha.ppiress vwas all at once think, vor mai peart, as haw I'aive bean be- interrupted by a re;etition of cries, denoting witc-hed." horror; ond a servant comingo in, said he beSir Launcelot could not hel sinilin at iievedl some rooues were murderine a trathe simhplicity of Doily, whose goodness of yeller on the hlthwrwaIv. The siupposition of heart and attachment Aurrelia did not fail to such dist,'ess opehrated like gunpowder on extol, as sooIn as her back was turned. It t!ie diispositire of our adventurer, wiho, withwas in consequence of this commendation, oo1t contsiderinr the situation of Aurelia, and that, the next time she entered the room, indeed without seeiLo', or being capable to our adventurer, fhr the first tirne, considered think o'. her, or any other subject fobr the her face, and seemed to be struck with her time beinorr, ran directly to thle stable, and feature s.!He asked her some questions, moulnting the first horse that he found sadvwhrich she could noct a.nwer to his satisfaction, (dled, issueed 0ot in tihe twilight, haviuig no applauded her re-ard frr her ludy, and assured other wevapon but liis sword. Ile rode full her of his fiiendshlip and protection. He speed to the spot xvhlence the cries seemed now bofre'ed to know the cause that, oblioed to proceed; but they sounded more remote his Aurelia to travel at snuclbh rate, and in as he advanced. Nevertheless, Ihe foillowed smuch an equipaI'e; andl she informetd him of therm to a considerable distance fiorn the those particulars which we- have already road, over fiellds, ditches, and hedges; and comrmuanicatedl to the reader. at last came so near, that he could plainly Sir LLauIcelot glowed with resenltment, disetinuish tile voice of his own squire, when he undenrstood, how his dear Aurelia Titmothy Crabsllhaw, bellowing for mercy with had been oppressedl by her perfidious and great vociferation. Stimulated by this recruel oguardian. Hle bit his nether- lip, rolled co nition, h.e redloubled his career in the his eyes around, started fioni his seat, and darl, till at length his horse plunged into a struidino aeross trhe roori I remember," hole. the nature of which he could not comsaid lie, " thle dvi-ra words of her who is now prelhend; brut he found it impracticable to *saint in heaven —' That violent mrran my diseno.aee h-rim. It was with some difficulty brother-in-la, who i is Aurelia's sole guar- that he himself clambered over a ruined wali,:ian, will thwart lier wishes withi every oh- and iregained the open ground. tlere he stacle that brutal resentmrent and implacable groped about, in thie utmost impatience of malice c.n contrive.' What followred, it anxiety, innorant of the place, mad with would ll become, me to repeat': but shle vexation for the fate of his unfo)rtunate ADVE:NTURES OF SIR LAUNCELOT GREAVES. 269 squire, and between whiles invaded with a rous Inanner? Do you know the ruffians'" pang of concern for Aurelia, left amongst " I know nothing at all," answered the peev. straitoecrs, unouarded, and alarmed. In the ish squire, Ibut that I was tormented by midst of this ernotion, he bethought himself vive hundred and vifty thousand legions of of halilooing aloud, that, in case lie should devils, and there's an end oon't." " Well, be in the neighbourhood of any inhabited you must have a little patience, Crabshaw — place, he mnight be heard and assisted. He there's a salve fbr every sore." "Yaw accordingly practised this expedient, which mought as well tell mas, for every zow there's was not altogecther without effect; for he a zir reverence." "For a man in your conwas immediately answered by an old friend, dition, methinks you talk very much at your no other than lhis own steed Bronzomarte, ease —Try if you can get up and mount Gilwho, hearing his master's voice, neighed bert, that you may be conveyed to some place strenuously at a small distance. The knight, where you can have proper assistance,-so being well acquainted with the sound, heard -well done-cheerlv!" it with astonishment-, and, advancing in the Timothy actually mnade an effort to rise, right direction, found his noble charger fast- but fell down again, and uttered a dismal ened to a tree. lie fortlwith untied and vell. Then his master exhorted him to take mounted him; then, laying the reins upon advantage of a park wail, by which he lay, his neck, allowed irn to choose his own path, and raise himself gradually upon it. Crabin which he began to travel with equal stea- shaw, eyeincg him askance, said, by way of diness and expedition. Theev had not pro- reproach, for his not alighting and assisting ceeded far when the knight's ears were hinl in person. "Thatch your house with again saluted by the cries of Crabshaw; t-, and you'll have more teachers than which Bronzomarte no sooner heard, thain reachers." Having pronounced this ineleo he pricked up his ears, neiohed, and quick- gant adage, lie made a shift. to stand upon ened his pace, as if' lie had been sensible of his legs; and now, the knighi:lt ]ending a the squire's distress, and hastened to his hand, was mounted upon Gilbert, though not relief. Sir Launcelot, notwithstanding his without a world of ohs! and als! and other own disquiet, could not help observing and ejaculations of'pain and impatience. admiring this generous sensibility of his As they jogged on together, our adventurer horse: he began to think himself some hero endeavoured to learn the particiulars of the of romance, mounted upon a winged steed, disaster which had befallen the squire; bet inspired with reason, directed by some hu- all the information he could obtain, amounted mane enchanter, who pitied virtue in distress. to a very imperfect sketch of the adventure. All circumstances considered, it is no wonder By dint of a thousand interrogations, he unthat the commotion in the mind of our ad- derstood that Crabshlaw had been, in the venturer produced some such delirium. All preceding evening, entcountered by three night he continued the chase; the voice, persons on horseback, witeh Venetian masks which was repeated at intervals, still retreat- on their faces, which lie mistook for thei: ing before him, till the morning began to ap- natural features, and was terrified accordpear in the east, when, by divers piteous ingly; that they not only presented pistols groans, he was directed to the corner of a to his breast, and led his horse out of the wood, where he beheld his miserable squire highway; but pricked him withl goads, and stretched upon the grass, and Gilbert feeding pinched him, from time to ticme, till he by him altogether unconcerned, the helmet screamed with the torture: that he was led and the lance suspended at the saddle-bow, throuo h unfriequented places across the coun.. and the portmanteau safely fixed upon the try, sometimes at an easy trot, sometimes at crupper. full gallop, and tormnented all night by these The knight riding up to Crabshaw, with hideous demons, who vanished at day-break, equal surprise and concern, asked what had and left him lyinFr on the spot where lie was brought him there? and Timothy, after some found by his miaster. pause, during which lie surveyed his master This was a mystery which our hero could with a rueful aspect, answered, "the devil." by no means unriddle: it was the more un"One wo~uld imafine, indeed, you had some accountable, as the squire had not been robsuch conveyance," said Sir Launcelot.'"I bed of his money, horses, and bagogage. He have followed your cries since last evening, was even disposed to believe, tllat Crabshaw's I know not how, nor whither, and never brain was rdisordered, and ole wDIole account could comne up with you till this moment. he had given no more thae' (chimea. This But, say, what damagoe have you sustained, opinion, l0exever, lie co4iJd no i(onger retain, that ):o. lie in that wretched posture, and when he arrived a aan int on ihe post-road, groan so dismally? " TI can't guess," re- and found, upon exarminaion, o i hat Timothy's pliedr the squire, "if it bean't that rmai hoole lower extnremities weere c(-oered with blood, carcass is drilled into oilet holes, and my and all the roust of his body speckled with flesh pinched into a jelly." "tHow! where- livid marks of contusion. But lie was still fore!" cried the knight —" who were the more chagmrined when thle landlord told him, miscreants that treated you in such a barba- that he wTas thirty miles iil:st ant fromn Jltu 68* 270 SMOLLETT'S SELECT WORKS. place where he had left Aurelia, and that explain your meaningy, miscreant, or I'll make his way lay through cross-roads, which were you a dreadful example to all the insolent almost impassable at that season of the year. publicans of the realm." So saying, he Alarmed at this intelligence, lie gave direc- seized him with one hand, and dashing him tions that his squire should be immediately on the floor, set one foot on his belly, and conveyed to bed in a comfortable chamber, kept him trembling in that prostrate attitude. as he complained more and more; and in- The hostler and waiter flying to the assistance deed was seized with a fever, occasioned by of their master, our adventurer unsheathed the fatigue, the pain, and terror he had un- his sword, declaring he would dismiss their dergone. A neighbouring apothecary being souls from their bodies, and exterminate the called, and giving it as his opinion, that he whole family from the face of the earth, if could not for some days be in a condition to they would not immediately give him the travel, his master deposited a sum of money satisfaction he required. in his hands, desiring he might be properly The hostess being by this time terrified attended till he should hear further: then almost out of her senses, fell on her knees mounting Bronzomarte, he set out with a before him, begging he would spare their guide for the place he had left, not without lives, and promising to declare the whole a thousand fears and perplexities, arising truth. He would not, however, remove his from the reflection of having left the jewel foot from the body of her husband, until she of his heart with such precipitation. told him, that in less than half an hour after he had sallied out upon the supposed robbers, two chaises arrived, each drawn by four CHAPTER XVI. horses; that two men armed with pistols alighting fi'om one of them, laid violent hands Whi'ch, it is hoped, the reader will find an upon the young lady; and, notwithstanding agreeable medley of mirth and madness, her struggling and shrieking, forced her into sense and absurdity. the other carriage, in which was an infirm gentleman, who called himself her guardian: IT was not without reason that our adven- that the maid was left to the care of a third turer afflicted himself; his fears were but too servant to follow with a third chaise, which prophetic. When he alighted at the inn, was got ready with all possible dispatch, which he had left so abruptly the preceding while the other two proceeded at full speed evening, he ran directly to the apartment on the road to London. It was by this comwhere he had been so happy in Aurelia's municative lacquey the people of the house company; but her lie saw not-all was soli- were informed that the old gentleman his tary. Turning to the woman of the house, master was Squire Darnel, the young lady who had followed him into the room, " Where his niece and ward, and our adventurer a is the lady?" cried he, in a tone of impa- needy sharper, who wanted to make a prey tience. Mine hostess, screwing up her fea- of her fortune. tures into a very demure aspect, said she The knight, fired even almost to frenzy by saw so many ladies, she could not pretend this intimation, spurned the carcass of his to know who he meant. "SI tell thee, wo- host; and, his eye gleaming terror, rushed man," exclaimed the knight, in a louder ac- into the yard, in order to mount Bronzomarte cent, "tthou never sawest such another-I and pursue the ravisher, when he was divertmean that miracle of beauty —" "' Very like," ed from his purpose by a new incident. replied the dame, as she retired to the room One of the postilions, who had driven the door. " Husband, here's one as axes con- chaise in which Dolly was conveyed, hapcerning a miracle of beauty; hi, hi, hi. Can pened to arrive at that instant; when, seeing you give him any information about this mi- our hero, he ran up to him, cap in hand, racle of beauty?-O la! hi, hi, hi." Instead and, presenting' a letter, accosted him in of answering this question, the innkeeper these words: " Please your noble honour, if advancing, and surveying Sir Launcelot, your honour be Sir I~auncelot Greaves of "Friend," said he, "you are the person the West Riding, here's a letter from a gen that carried off my horse out of the stable." tlewoman that I promised to deliver into 1" Tell me not of a horse-where is the young your honour's own hands." lady?" " Now I will tell you of a horse, The knight, snatching the letter with the and I'll make you find him too before you utmost avidity, broke it up, and found the and I part." "W Vretched animal! how dar'st contents couched in these terms: thou daily with my impatience — Speak, or " HONOUaRED SIR, despair-Whiat is becon-e of Miss Meadows? "The man az Ri'en me leave to lat yaw Sav, did sihe leave this place of her own knaw my dear heady is goirlg to Loondon accord, or -was she —ialh speak-answer, with her unkle Squaire Darnel.-Be not or, by the powers above-" "I'll answer conzarned, honoured sir, vor I'se take it on yea flat —she you call AMiss AMeadows is in mai laife to let yaw knvw wheare we be zetvery good hands-so you may make yourself tIed, if zo be I can vind where you loage in easy oil that score —" "Sacred Heaven! Loondon. —The man zays yaw may put it it ADVENTURES OF SIR LAUNCELOT GREAVES. 271 the pooblic prints.-I houp the bareheir will even his concern for Timothy had recurred, be honest enuff to deliver this scrowl; and On a candid scrutiny of his own heart, he that your honour will pardon found himself much less unhappy than Ihe had " Your umble servant to command, been before his interview with Amrelia: for, "DoRoT'rY Cowsrpe." instead of being, as formerly, tormented with "P.S. Please my kaind satvice to laayer the pangs of despairing love, which haid acClarke. Squaire Darnel's man is very civil tually unsettled his understandinol, he vws vor sartain; but I'ave no thoughts on him, I'll now happily convinced that lie had inspired assure yaw.-MTarry hap, worse ware may the tender breast of Aurelia witl mutual afhave a better chap, as the zaying goes. fection; and thouo-h she was invidioLusly Nothing could be more seasonable than snatched from his embrace in the midst of the delivery of this billet, which hle had no such endearments as had wound up liis soul sooner perused than his reflection returned, to ecstasy and transport, he did not doubt of and he entered into a serious deliberation being able to rescue her from the power of with his own heart. He considered that an inhuman, kinsman, whose guardianship Aurelia was by this time far beyond a possi- would soon, of course, expire; and, in the bility of being overtaken, and that by a pre- mean time, he rested with the most perfect cipitate pursuit he should only expose his dependence on her constancy and virtue. own infirmities. He confided in the attach- As he next crossed the country, ruminament of his mistress, and in the fidelity of ting on the disaster that had befallen his her maid, who would find opportunities of squire, and could now compare circumstances communicating her sentiments by means of' coolly, he easily comprehended the whole this lacquey, of whom he perceived by the scheme of that adventure, which was no letter she had already made a conquest. He other than an artifice of Anthony Darnel and therefore resolved to bridle his impatience, his emissaries to draw him from the inn, to proceed leisurely to London, and, instead where he proposed to execute his design of taking any rash step which might induce upon the innocent Aurelia. He took it for Anthony Darnel to remove his niece fiom granted that the uncle, having been made that city, remain in seeming quiet until she acquainted with his niece's elopement, h1ad should be settled, and her guardian returned followed her track by the help of such infoerto the country. Aurelia had mentioned to mation as he received from one stase to him the name of Doctor Kawdle, and from another: and that, receiving more particuhim lie expected in due timne to receive the lars at the White Hart touching Sir Lanunmost interesting information. celot, he had formed the scheme in which These reflections had an instantaneous Crabshaw was an involuntary instrumnent effect upon our hero, whose rage immediately towards the seduction of his master. subsided, and whose visage gradually resum- Amusing linilself with these aiid other coed its natural cast of courtesy and good gitations, our hero in the afternoon reached humour. He forthwithl gratified the postilion the place of his destination, and entering the with such a remuneration as sent him dan- inn were Timothy had been left at sick quarcing into the kitchen, where lie did not fail ters, chanced to meet the apothecary retir. to extol the generosity and imiense fortune ing precipitately in a very unsavoury pickle if Sir Launcelot Greaves. from the chamber of his patient. When he Our adventurer's next step was to see inquired about the health of his squire, this Bronzomarte properly accommodated; then retainer to medicine, wiping himself all the he ordered a refreshment for himself, and while with a napkin, answered in manifest retired into an apartment, where mine host confusion, that he apprehended him to be in with his wife and all the servants waited on a very dangerous way from an inflammation him to beseech his honour to forgive their of the pie mater, which had produced a most impertinence, which was owing to their ig- furious delirium. Then he proceeded to exnorance of his honour's quality, and the false plain, in technical terms, the method of information they received from the gentle- cure he had followed; and concluded with man's servant. Ile had too much magnan- telling him the poor squire's brain was so imity to retain the least resentment against outrageously disordered, that he had rejected such inconsiderable objects. ITe not only all administration, and just thrown an urinal pardoned them without hesitation, but assu- in his face. red the landlord he would be accountable for The knight's humanity being alarmed at the horse, which, however, was that same this intelligence, he resolved that Crabshaw evening brought home by a countryman, should have the benefit of further advice, and who had found him pounded as it were within asked if there was inot a physician in the the walls of a ruined cottage. As the knight place. The apothecacy, after some interhad been greatly fatigued without enjoying jections of hesitation, owned there was a any rest for eight-and-forty hours, he resolved doctor in the village, an odd sort of a humourto indulge himself with one night's repose, rist; but he believed lie had not much to do arid then return to the place where he had in the way of his profession; and was not left his squire indisposed; for by this time much used to the florms of prescription. ttle 272 STMOLLETT'S SELECT WORKS. was counted a scholar, to be sure, but as to tween whiles, alexiplharmic boluses and his medical capacity-he would not take neutral dra'llhts." Neutral, indeed," said uIpon him to say —'..No matter," cried Sir the doctorl; "' so neutral, that I will be cruLa-uincelot, " he may strike out some luck\y cified if ever they declare ei:l-er for the pathou.2ht for the benefit of the patient, and I tieiut or ti:e disea's e. " So sayingd, he brushed desiere you will call him instantly." into Crabslnhaw's clianiber, lbllowed by our VhIile the apothecary was absent on this adventurer, who was almost suffocated at his service, our adventurer took it into his head first entrance. The day was close; the winto question the landlord about the character dow Shutt'ers were fastened; a hug'e fire blaof0 this physician, which had been so unfta- zed in the chimnley; thicks harateen curtains voer ably represented, and received the fo- were close drawn round the bed, where the lew\,gin information. wretchled squire lay extended under an enor",For my peart, measter, I knows nothingo mous load of blalnkets. The nurse, who had amiss of the doctor —he's a quiet sort of an all the exteriors of a bawd given to drink. inoffi:esive man; uses my house sometimes, sat stewino il this aptartiment like a damnred and pays for what lie has, like the rest of soul in -somre infernal barlio; but rising when my customers. They say he deals very the comp.anyv entered, nlmadl her courtesies little in physic stuff; but cures his patients Nw7ith great decorum.' WVell," said the with fasting and water-gruel, whereby lie doctor,'11 ow does your patient, nurse?" can't expect the'pothecary to be his friend. " Blessed be God for it, I hope, in a fair You knows, measter, one must live, and let way -to tbe sure his apozem has had a blesslive, as the saying is. I must say, he, for ed efict-five-and-twenty stools since three the value of three guineas, set up my wife's o'clock in tihe morning.-But then, a'would constitution in such a manner, that I have not sulffer the blisters to be put upon his saved within these two years, I believe, forty thiahls.-v ood lack! a has been mortallv pounds in'pothecary's bills. But what of obstropolous, and out of his senses all this that? Every man must eat, tho'f at ano- blessed day." " You lie," cried the squire, ther's expense; and I should be in a deadly "I a'n't out of my seven senses, tho'f I'm hole myself, if all my customers slhould tale half mad ~with vexation." it in their heads to drink nothing but water- The doctor ehaving withdrawn the curtain,.gruel, because it is good for the constitution. the hapless squire appeared very pale and Thank God, I have as good a constitution as ghastly; arnd, having surveyed his master e'er a man in England, but for all that, I and wvith a rueflll aspect, addressed him in these my whole family bleed and purge, arnd take words. —" Sir knight, I [be a boon; be pleasa diet-drink twice a-year, by way of serving ed to tie a stone about the neck of the apothe'pothecary, who is a very honest nman, thecary, and a halter about the neck of the and a very good neighbour." nurse, and throw the one into the next river, Their conversation was interrupted by the and the other over the next tree, and, in so retulrn of the apotihecary with the doctor, doing, you will do a charitable deed to your who hlad very little of the -faculty in his a p- fellow-creatures; for he and she do the devil's pearance. Hevwas dressed remarkably plain; work in partrlership, and have sent many a s~eemed to be turned of fifty; had a careless score of thieir betters home to him before air, and a sarcastical turn in his countenance. their time." " Oh! he begins to talk senBefore he entered the sickl-man's chamber, sibly. —tlave a good heart," said the physihe aslked some questions concerning the dis- cian. "' What " your disorder " G" Physic.' ease; antd when the apothecary, pointinog to " W.hat Uo Tyo chliellV coin)1lain ofl" "The l:is owna head, said, " It lies all here," the doctor."'.Does voreo head ache?" " Yea, doctor. turning to Sir Launcelot, replied, with imrpertinence." " ave you a pain ia If t'aat be all, there's nothilmng in it." your baclk?" " es, where the blister lies." Upon a more particular inquiry about the "; Are you sick at stonmchl?" ". Yes, awith syni-.toms, he was told that the blood was hunoer."'- Do you feel aniy shiverings?" seemin ly viscous, and salt upon the tongue; " Always at siht of the apothecary."'" Do the urine remarkably acrosaline; anrd the you pelreive any load in your bowels?" fiXeces atrabilious and fetid. When the doc- "I would the apothecaly's conscience was tor said he would enoagre to find the same as clear." -A Yre you thirsty?" "Not thirsty phlenomena in every healthy man of the enouglh to drink barley-water." " Be pleased three lkingdoms, the apothlecary added, that t o look imito his fauces," said the apothecary, tlte:-atieit was manifiestly comatous, and " he has got a rough ton~gue, and a very foil rnor'over afflicted with griping' pains andti mouth, i'11 assure you." "I have known borboarngmata. "A f- for your borbo'ygo- that the case with some limbs of the facultvy, imatse," cried the physician. "What hlss where they stood more in need of correction lt:ten done?"' To this question, he replied, than of plhysic.-WVell, my honest frienld, that venvmsection had been three times per- since you have already undergone the proper formed; that a vesicatory had been applied purgcattions in due form, and say you have no izter scanrZdlas; that the patient had taken other disease than the doct6r, we will set,ccasionally of a cathartic apozem, and, be- you on your leos again without further ques ADVENTURES OF SIR LAUNCELOT GREAVES. 273 tion. Here, nurse, open that xindow, and of adversaries. Without staying to put onr throw these phials into the street. Now his helmet, he ordered Crabshaw to follow lower the curtain, without shutting the case- him in the charge against those plebeians: mnent, that the man may not be stifled in his then couching his lance, and giving Bronzo own steam. In the next place, take off marte the spur, he began his career with two-thirds of these coals, and one third of such impetuosity as overturned all that hapthese blankets.-How dost feel now, my pened to be in his way, and intimidated the heart?"'. I should feel heart-whole, if so rabble to such a degree, that they retired be as you would throw the noorse a'ter the before simn like a flocir of sheep, the greater bottles, and the pothecary a'ter the noorse, part of them believing he was the devil in an-d order me a pound of chops for rmy din- propria persona. HI-e came in the very nicr ner; for I be so hoongry, I could eat a horse of time to save the life of the other errant., behind the saddle." against whom three loaded muskets were The apothecary, seeing what passed, re- actually levelled, at the very instant that ou,: tired of his own accord, holdinog up his hl;lds adventurer began hLis charge. The unknownr in' sign of astonishment. The nurse was knight was so sensible of' the seasonable in-. dismissed in the same breath. Crabshaw terposition, that, riding up to our hero, — rose, dressed himself without assistance, and " Brother," said hie, " this is the second time made a hearty meal on the first eatable that that vou have holp me off, when I was bump presented itself to view. The knight passed ashore. Bess Mizen, I must say, is no more the evening with the physician, Swho, fromn than a leaky bum-boat, in comparison of the his first rppearance, concluded he was mad; a lorious galley you want to man. I desire but, in tAoe course of the conversation, found that hence forth we may cruise in the same means to resign that opinion without adopt- latitudes, brother; and I'll be damned if I ing any other in lieu of it, and parted with (don't stand by vou as long as I have a stick him under all the impatience of curiosity. standing, or can carry a rag of canvass." The lknight, on his part, was very well en- By this address our knight recognized the tertaineld with the witty sarcasms and erudi- novice Captain Crowe, who had found means tion of the doctor, who appeared to be a sort to accommodate himself with a very strange of cynic philosopher, tinctured with misan- suit of armlour. By way of helmet, he wore thropy, and at open war with the whole body one of the caps used by the light horse, with of apothecaries, whom, however, it ewas by straps buckled under his chiln, and contrived no means his interest to disoblige. in such a manner as to conceal his whole Next day, Crabshaw being to all appear- visage, except the eves. Instead of cuirass, ance perfectly recovered, our adventurer mail, greaves, and other pieces of complete reckoned with the apothecary, paid the land- armour. he was cased in a postilion's leathern lord, and set out on his return fbr the Lon- jerlin, covered with thin plates of tinned don road, resolving to lay aside his armour 1 iron: his buckler was a pot-lid, his lance a at some distance from the metropolis; tor, hop-pole shod with iron, and a basket-hilt ever since his interview with Aurelia, his I broad sword, like that of Hudibras, depended fondness for chivalry had been gradually by a broad buff belt, that girded his middle. abatino. As the torrent of his despair had Hi:'s feet were defended by jack-boots, and disordered the current of his sober reflection, his hands by the gloves of a trooper. Sir so no0w, as that despair subsided, his thoughts i Launcelot Twoutld not lose time in examining beg-an to flow deliberately in their ancient pnariclulars, as lie perceived some mischief channiel. All day long he regaled his imagi- had been done, and that the enemy had ra!natioci with plans of connubial happiness, i lied at a distance; he therefore commanded formed on the possession of the incompara- Crowe to follow him, and rode off with great ble Aurelia; determined to wait with pa- expedition; but he did not perceive his squire tience, until the law should supersede the was taken Drisoner, nor did the captain reauthority of her guardian, rather than adopt collect that his nephew, Tom Clarke, had any violent expedient which might hazard been disabled and secured in the beginning the interest of his passion. of the fray. The truth is, the poor captain lie had for some time travelled in the had been so belaboured about the pate, that turnpike road, when his reverie was suddenly it was a wonder he remembered his own interrupted by a confused noise; and when name. he lifted up his eyes, he beheld at a little distance, a rabble of men and women, variously armed with flails, pitch-fobrks, poles, CHAPTER XVII. and mrnuskets, acting oifbnsively against a strange figure on horseback, who, with a Containilng adventures of chivalry eqtually kind of lance, laid about him with incredible new and surprising. firy. (Our adventurer was not so totally abandoned by the spirit of chivalry, to see TaE knight Sir Launcelot, and the novice wvithlout emotion a single knight in danger Crowe, retreated with equal order and expeof being overpowered by such a multitude dition to the distance of half a league frorrm 5 C* 274 SMOLLETT'S SELECT WORKS. the field of battle, where the former, halting, circumstance which the waiter, who saw him proposed to make a lodament in a very de- from the window, no sooner disclosed, tlh.an cent house of entertailnment, distinguished the knight had recourse to his assistance. by the sign of St George of Cappadocia en- This practitioner having viewed the whole countering the dragon, an achievement in figure, and more particularly the head of which temporal and spiritual chivalry were Crowe, in silent wonder, proceeded to feel happily reconciled. Two such figures alight- his pulse; and then declared that as the ining at the iin gate did not pass through the flarmmation was very great, and going on yard unnoticed and unadmlired by the guests with violence to its acime, it would be neand attendants; some of whom fairly took to cessary to begin with copious phlebotomy, their heels, on the supposition that these and then to empty the intestinal canal. So outlandish creatures were the avant-couriers saying, he began to strip the arm of the or heralds of a French invasion. The fears captain, who perceiving his ain, —" Avast, and doubts, however, of those who ventured brother," cried he, "you go the wrong way to stay, were soon dispelled, when our hero to work-you may as well rummage the accosted them in the English tongue, and afterhold, when the damage is in the forecaswith the most courteous demeanour desired tle. I shall right again when my jaws are to be shown into an apartment. unhooped." Had Captain Crowe been spokesman, per- With these words he drew a clasp-knife haps their suspicions would not have so from his pocket, and, advancing to a glass, quickly subsided; for he was, in reality, a very applied it so vigorously to the leathern straps extraordinary novice, not only in chivalry, of his headpiece, that the gordian knot was but also in his external appearance, and par- cut, without any other damage to his face ticularly in those dialects of the English lan- than a moderate scarification, which, added guage which are used by the terrestrial ani- to the tumefaction of features, naturally rmals of this kinodom. He desired the host- strong, and a whole week's growth of a very ler to take his Ihorse in tow, and bring himr bushy beard, produced, on the whole, a most to his moorings in a safe riding. He ordered hideous caricature. After all, there was a the waiter, who showed them into a parlour, necessity for the administration of the surto bear a hand, ship his oars, mind his helm, geon, who found divers contusions on differand brino alongside a short allowance of ent parts of the scull, which even the tin cap brandy or grog, that he might cant a slug had not been able to protect from the weainto his bread-room; for there was such a pons of the rustics. heaving and pitching, that he believed he These being shaved and dressed secundum should shift his ballast. The fellow under- artem, and the operator dismissed with a stood no part of this address but the word proper acknowledgement, our knight detachbrandy, at mention of which he disappeared. ed one of the posL-boys to the field of action Then Crowe, throwing himself into an elbow- for intelligence concerning Mr Clarke and chair, —" Stop my hawse-holes," cried he, squire Timothy; and, in the interim, desired "I can't think what's the matter, brother; to know the particulars of Crowe's advenbut, egad, my head sings and simmers like a tures since he parted firom him at the White pot of chowder. My eye-sight yaws to and Hart. again, d'ye see: then there's such a wallop- A connected relation, in plain English, ing and whushing in my hold-smite my — was what he had little reason to expect fiomn Lord have mercy upon us. Here, you swab, the novice, who nevertheless exerted his ne'er mind a glass —hand me the noggin." faculties to the uttermost for his satisfaction. The latter part of this address was di- He gave him to understand, that in steering rected to the waiter, who had returned with his course to Birminghlam, where he thought a quartern of brandv, which Crowe snatching of fitting hirnself with tackle, he had fallen eagerly, started into his bread-room at one in, by accident, at a public house, with an cant. Indeed there was no time to be lost, itinerant tinker, in the very act of mending inasmuch as he seemed to be on the verge a kettle: that, seeing him do his business of fainting away when he swallowed this like an able workman, he had applied to him cordial, by which he was instantaneously re- for advice; and the tinker, after having convived. sidered that subject, had undertaklen to make He then desired the servant to unbuckle him such a suit of armour, as neither sword the straps of his helmet; but this was a nor lance should penetrate; that they adtask which the drawer could not perform, journed to the next town, where the leather even though assisted with the good offices coat, the plates of tinned iron, the lance arid of Sir Launrcelot; for tile head and jaws the broad-sword were purchased, together were so much swelled with the discipline with a copper saucepan, which the artist was (hey had undergone, that the straps and now at work upon, in converting it to a biuckles lay buried, as it were, in pits formed shield; but, in the mean time, the captain, by the turnefection of the adjacent parts. being impatient to begin his career of chivalFortunately fir the novice, a neighobouring ry, had accommodated hinmself with a pot-lid, burgeon passed by the door on horseback; a and taken to the highway, notwithstanding ADVENTURES OF SIR LAUNCELOT GREAVES. 275 all the entreaties, tears, and remonstrances to Sir Launcelot Greaves, and desired to of his nephew Tom Clarke, who could not speak with him for a few minutes. He was however be prevailed upon to leave him in immediately admitted, and could not help the dangerous voyage he had undertaken; staring at sight of Crowe, who, by this time, that this being but the second day of his had no remains of the human physiognomy, journeyT, he descried five or six men on so much was the swellingo increased, and the horseback, bearing up full in his teeth; upon skin discoloured. The gentleman, whose wihich he threw his sails a-bac'k, and pie- name was Mr Elmy, having made a polite pared for action; that he hailed them at a apology for the liberty Ie had taken, proconsiderable distance, and bade theim bring ceeded to unfold his business. He said, to; when they came alongside, notwith- information had been lodged with him, as a standing his hail, he ordered them to clew justice of the peace, against two armed men up their courses, and furl their top-sails, on horseback, who had stopped five farmers otherwise he would be foul of their quarters; on the king's highway, put them in fear and that, hearing this salute, they luffed all at danger of their lives, and even assaulted, once, till their cloth shook in the wind; then maimed, and wounded divers persons, conhe hallooed in a loud voice, that his sweet- trary to the king's peace, and in violation of heart Besselia Mizzen wore the broad pen- the statute; that, by the description, he supdant of beauty, to which they must strike posed the knight and his companion to be the their topsails, on pain of being sent to the persons against whom the complaint had bottom; that, after having eyed him for been lodged: and understanding his quality some time with astonishment, they clapped from Mr Clarke, whom he had knlown in on all their sails, some of themn runningo London, he was come to wait ulpon him, and under his stern, and others athwart his fore- if possible effect an accommodation. foot, and got clear off; that, not satisfied Our adventurer having thanked hilm for with running a-head, they all of a sudden the polite and obliging manner in which he tacked about, and one of them boarding him proceeded, fiankly told him the whole story, on the lee-quarter, gave him such a drubbingo as it had been just related by the captain about his upper works, that theliirhts danced and Mr Elmv had no reason to doubt the in his lanthorns; that he returned the salute truth of the narrative, as it confirmed everv with his hop-pole so effectually, that his ag- circumstance which Clarke had before regressor broached to in the twinkling of a ported. Indeed, Tom had been very comnhandspike; and then he was enoaged with miinicative to this gentleman, and made him all the rest of the enemy, except one who acquainted with the whole history of Sir sheered off, and soon returned with a inmus- Launcelot Greaves, as well as with the queto fleet of small craft, who had done himn- whimsical resolution of his uncle, Captain considerable damage, and, in all probability, Crowe. 3Mr Elmy now told the knight, that would have made prize of him, hlad'nt he the persons whom the captain had stopped, been brought off by the knight's gallantry. were farmers returning from a neighbouring He said, that. in the beginning of the conflict market, a set of people naturally boorish Tom Clarke rode up to the fbremost of the and at that time elevated with ale to an un. enemy, as he did suppose, in order to pre- common pitch of insolence: that one of vent hostilities; but before lie got up to him them in particular, called Prickle, was the near enough to hold discourse, lie was pooped most quarrelsome fellow in the whole county; with a sea that almost sent him to the bot- and so litigious, that he had maintained above tom, and then towed off' he kiiew not whither. thirty law-suits, in eight and twenty of Crowe had scarce finished his narration, which he had been condemned in costs. He which consisted of broken hints, and uncon- said the others might be easily influenced in nected explosions of sea-terms, when a gern- the way of admonition; but there was no tleman of the neighbourbood, who acted way of dealing with Prickle, except by the in the commission of the peace, arrived at form and authority of the law be therefore the gate, attended by a constable, who had proposed to hear evidence in a judicial capsin custody the bodies of Thomas Clarke and city, and his clerk being in attendance, the Timothy Crabshavw, surrounded by five men court was opened in the k;night's apartment. on horseback, and an innumerable posse of By this time Mr Clarke had made such men, women and children, on foot. The good use of his time in explaining the law captain, who always kept a good look-out, to his audience, and displaying thle great no sooner descried this cavalcade and pro- wealth and unbounded liberality of Sir cession, than he gave notice to Sir Launce- Launcelot Greaves, that he had actually lot, and advised that they should crowd brought over to his sentiments the constable away with all the sail they could carry. Our and thle commonalty, tago, ag, and bob-tail, adventurer was of another opinion, and de- and even staggered thle nimijolity of tile termined, at any rate, to procure the en- farmers, who, at first, had brestaliel niothic-, largemnent of the prisoners. but defiance and revenge. 1F'2ermter Stalke The justice, -ordering his attendants to being first called to the bart, ande sworl touchstay without the gate, sent his compliments ing the identity of Sir Launcelot G1reaves !276; SMOLLETT'S SELECT WORKS. and Captain Crowe, declared that the said appeared, were now set at liberty; when Crowe had stopped him on the king's high- the foriner, advancing to his woriship, gave way, and put him in bodily fear; that he af- information agaiiist Geoffrey Prickle, and deterwards saw the said Crowe with a pole or clared upon oath that he lhad seen him asweapon, value three pence, breakiing the sault Captain Crowe without any provocaking's peace, by cominittin') assault and bat- tion; and when he, the deponent, intertery against the heads and shoulders of' his posed to prevent fulrther mischief, the said majesty's liege subjects, Geoffiey Prickle, Prickle had likewise assaulted and wounded i-lodge Doit, 1Richard Bumpkin, iMiary Fang, him, the deponent, arid detained him for Catherlle Ruble, and ivIargery Litter; some tim-ne in tiaise ilmprisonment, without and that he saw Sir Launcelot Greaves, bar- warrant or authority. onet, aiding, assisting, and comforting the in consequence of this information, which said Crowe, contrary to the king's peace, was corroborated by divers evidences, seand against the tolmi of the statute. lected from the mob at the gate, the tables Beinrg asked, if the clefendant, when lie were turned upon farmner Prickle, who was stopped them, demanded their money, or given to understand, that he must either find threatened violence? he answered, lie could bail, or be forthwith imprisoned. This honsest not say, inasmuch as the defendant spoke in boor, who was in opulent circumstances, had an unknown lanllguaae. Being interrogated, made such popular use of the benefits he i' the deiendant did not allow them to pass possessed, that there was not a housekeeper withlout using anly violence, and if they did in the parish who would not have rejoiced rinot pass unimolested t thre deponent replied to see him hanged. t[is dealings and conia the afiirmative. Beino required to tell nections, however, were such, that none of for what reason they returned, and if the the otller four would have refused to bail defendarLt, Crowe, was not assaulted before him, had not Cilarle ivenl themn to underhe began to use his weapoiin, the deponent stand, that, if they didl, lie would inalke them mnade no answer. The depositions of far- all principals and parties, and have two sepamel Bumpkin and isogeinlls, as well as of rate actions anainst each. Prickle happened!ixadge Litter and IMTary Fang, were taken to to be at variance with the innkeeper, and mrruch the same purpose and his worship the curate durst not disoblige the vicar, who earnestly exhorted them to an accommoda- at that very time was suing the farmer for tion, observingr, thlat they themselves were the small tithes. He ofi:red to deposit a in fact the aggressors, and that Captain sum equal to the recogonizarnce of the knight's Crowe had done no more than exerted him- bail; but this was rejected, as an expedient self in his own defence. contrary to the piactice of the courts. He They were all pretty well disposed to fol- sent for the attorney of the villaoge, to whom low his advice, except farmer Prickle, who, he had been a good customer; but the lawentering the court with a bloody handler- yer was huntinog evidence in another county. chief about his head, declared that the law The exciseinan presented himself as a surety; should determine it at next'size; and in the but he, not being a housekeeper, was not mean time insisted that the defendants accepted. Divers cottaoers, who depended should find irr;nediate bail, or go to prison, on ifarmier Priclde, werie successively reor be set in the stocks. He affirned that fused, because they could not prove that they had been guilty of an cf'fray, in appear- they had paid scot and lot and parish taxes. ing with arrmour and weapons not usually The farmer, finding himself thus forlorn, worn, to the terror of others, wlhich is in it- and in imminent danger of visiting the inself a breach of the peace; but that they side of a prison, was seized with a paroxysm had, moreover, with force of arms, that is to of rage, during which he inveighed against say, with swords, staves, and other warlike the bench, reviled tile two adventurers errant, instruments, by turns, made an assault and declared that he believed, anid would lay a affray, to the terror andl disturbance of him wager of twenty guineas, that he had more ai:d divers subjects of our lord tie king, money in his pocket than e'er a man in the tienr and there being, and to the evil and company; and in the space of a quarter of an perniicious example of the liege people of hour swore forty oaths, which the justice did tile said lord dthe king, and against the peace of not fkil to nunber. "B 1efore we proceed to our said lord the kirng, his crown and dignity. other matters," said Mr Elmy, " I order you'he peasant had pucrchased a few law- to pay forty shillinos for the oaths you have terins at a considerable expense, and he swore, otherwise I will cause you to be set ilhougLht he -had a rioht to turn lhis kInowledge in the stocks without further ceremony." {t, the anrnoyance of' all his neighboirs. Mr Prickle, throwing down a couple of guiElmmy, find-ing hirn obstinately deaf to *all menas, with two execrations more to mnale up proposals of accomlmotdation, ileld the deC- thie silm, declared that lie could afford to ieendanlts to very umoderate bail, the landtord pay fer swearing as well as e'er a justice in and tie curate of the parish freely oelerinr the county, and repeated his challenge of the thiemselves as sureties. lr Clarke, with wvaoer', whvich our adventurer now accepted, Timlothly Crabshaw, against wvhom nothing protesting at the same time, that it was not ADVENTURES OF SIR LAUNCELOT GREAVES. 277 a step taken from any motive of pride, but cannot find sufficient bail for forty pounds; entirely with a view to punish an insolent a sure testimony that you have neither culplebeian, who could not otherwise be chas- tivated the firiendship, nor deserved the goodtised t'itthout a breach of the peace. Twenty will of your neighbours. I have heard of guineas beingl deposited on each side in the your quarrels and your riots, your insolence hands of kIr Elmy, Prickle, with equal con- and litigious disposition, and often wished fidence and dispatch, produced a canvass bag, for an opportunity of giving you a propel containingo two hundred and seventy pounds, taste of the law's correction. That oppor. which, being spread upon the table, made a tunity now offers-you have, in the hearins very fbrmidable show, tllat dazzled the eyes of all these people, pnorred fbrth a torrent o? orf the beholders, and induced many of' them abuse ag'ainst me, boiil i -the character of a to believe he had insured his conquest. gentleman and of a nlagistrate; your abusing Our adventurer, asking if he had any thing me personally,, perhaps I should have overfurther to offer, and being answered in the looked with the contempt it deserves; but negative, drew forth, with great deliberation, I should ill vindicate the dignity of rny office a pocket-book, in which there was a con- as a rnmaistate by suffering you to insult siderable parcel of bank-notes, from which the bench with impunity. I shall therefore he selected three of one hundred pounds each, imprison you for contempt, and you shall reand exlibited them upon the table, to the main in jail, until you can find bail on the astonishment of all present. Prickle, mad other prosecutions." with his overthrow and loss, said it nmight be Prickle, the first transports of his anger necessary to make him prove the notes were having subsided, began to be pricked with honestly come by; and Sir Launcelot started the thorns of compunction. He was indeed up, in order to take vengeance upon him for extremely mortified at the prospect of being' this insult, but was withheld by the arms and sent to jail so disoriacefiuly. His counteremonstrances of Mr Elrny, who assured him nance fell, and after a hard internal struoggle, that Prickle desired nothing so much as wl-ile the clerk was employed in writing the another broken head, to lay the foundation of mittimus, he said he hoped his worshlip would a new prosecution. not send him to prison. lie be~g ed p:ardon The knight, calmed by this interposition, of him and our adventurers for havingo abuserd turned to the audience, saying, with the most them in his passion; and observed, that, as affable deportrent, "Good people, do not he had received a broken head, and paid twoimagine that I intend to pocket the spoils of and-twenty guineas for his folly, he couild such a contemptible rascal. I shall beg the not be said to have escaped altogether wuithfavour of this worthy gentleman to take up out punishmnent even if the plaintiff should these twenty guineas, and distribute them as a.ogree to exchanoe releases. he shall think proper among the poor of the Sir Launcelot, seeing this stubborn rustic parish; but, by this benefaction, I do not effectually humbled, be-came an advocate in hold myself acquitted for the share I had in his fatvour wvitlh r Elmy and Tom Clarke, the bruises sorme of you have received in who forgave him at his request; and a miuthis unlucky fray, and therefore I give the tual release beinr execruted, the farmer was other twenty guineas to be divided among permitted to depairt. The populace were rethe sufferers, to each accordino to the davn- galed at our adventurer's expense; and the afge he or she shall appear to have'sustained; men, women, and children, who ha.d been and I shall consider it as an additional obli- wounded or bruised in the battle, to the nunmgation, if Mr E!my will likewise superintend ber of ten or a dozen, were desired to wait this retribution." upon iMr Elrnv in the mornin., to receive the At the close of this address, the whole knight's bounty. The justice was prevailed yard and gateway rung with acclamation, upon to spend the evening with Sir Launcewhile honest Crowe, whose generosity was lot and his twvo cornpanions, for whom supnot inferior even to that cmf the accomplished per was bespoke; but the first thino the cook Greaves, pulled out his purse, and declared, prepared, was a poultice for Croiwe's hlead, that, as he had begun the engagement, he whictl was now en!arged to a mnonstrous exwould at least go share and share aiike in hibition. Our knight, who was all kindness inew-caulkinfg their seams and repairinlg their and complacency, shook JMr Clarke by the timbers. The knight, rather than enter into I hand, expressing his satisfaction at mneeting a dispute with his novice, told him he con- with his old friends again, and told him sidered the twenty guineas as given by themn softly, that he had compliments for him fiom both in conjunction, and that they would Mirs Dolly Cowslip, who now lived with his confer together on that subject hereafter. Aurelia. This point being adjusted, Mr Elimy as- Clarke was confounded at this intelligence, surned all the solemnity of the magistrate, and after some hesitation,-" Lord bless my and addressed himself to Prickle in these soul!" cried he, " I'll be shot then, if the words:-" Farmer Prickle, I am both sorry pretended'Miss Meadows wa'n't the same as and aslhamed to see a man of vour years and Miss Darnel!" He then declared hinimself circumstances so little respected, that you extremely glad that poor Dolly had got into 69 275S S~/I~`_SMOLLETT'S SELECT WORKS. such an agreeable situation, passed many on whose bounty he subsisted, with the most warm encoaiumns on her goodness of heart sarcastic familiarity. \Nrevertheless, he seaand virtuous inclinations, and concluded soned his freedom with certain qualifying with appealing to the knight, whether she ingredients that subdued the bitterness of it, did not look very pretty in her green joseph? and was now become so necessary to the In the mean time, he procured a plaster for squire, that he had no idea of enjoyment his own head, and helped to apply the poul- with which Dawdle was not somehow or tice to that of his uncle, who was sent to other connected. There had been a warm bed betimes with a moderate dose of sack- dispute betwixt them about the scheme of w7he, to promote perspiration. The other contesting the prize with Sir Launce'lot in three passed the evening to their mutual the lists of chivalry. Sycamore had insinusatisfaction; and the justice, in particular, ated, that if he had a mind to play the fool, grew enamoured of the knight's character, he could lwe-r armour, wield a lance, and dashed as it was with extravagance. manage a charg'er, as well as Sir Launcelot Let us now leave them to the enjoyment Greaves. Dawdle snatching the hint, "I of a sober and rational conversation, and give had some time ago," said he " contrived a some account of other guests who arrived scheme for you, which 1 was afraid you had late in the evening, and here fixed their not address enouoh to execute-It would be night-quarters.-But as we have already tres- no difficult matter, in imitation of the bachepassed on the reader's patience, we shall lor Sampton Carrasco, to go in quest of give him a short respite until the next chap- Greaves as a o-mig'ht-errant, defy him as a ter makes its appearance. rival, and establis'- a compact, by which the vanquished should obey the injunctions of the victor."' That is my very idea," cried CHAPTER XVIII. Sycamore. "c Your idea," replied the other, " had you ever an idea of your own concepIn which the rays qf chivalry shine with tion?" Thus the dispute began, and was renovated lustre. maintained with great vehemence, until other aroumrnents riulino, thle squire offIered to lay a OuR hero little dreamed that he had a for- waoer of twenty ouineas. To this proposal midable rival in the person of the kInight Dawdle answered by the inteijection pislh! who arrived about eleven at the sign of the which inflamned Sycamnore to a repetition of St George, and, by the noise he made, gave the defiance.' -ou tare in the right," said intimation of his importance. This was no Dawdle, "' to use such an aroiunient as you other than Squire Sycamore, who having re- know is by me unanswerable. A wagoer of ceived advice that iMiss Aurelia Darnel had twenty oguineas wil1 at any time overthrow eloped from dtl.e place of her retreat, imine- and confiute all the loic, of the most able diately took the field in quest of that lovely syllogist, who has not got a shilling in his Iugitive: hoping that, should he have the pockoet." good foirtune to find her in her present dis- Sycamore looked very grave at this declatress, hi cood offices would rinot be rejected. ration, and, after a short pause, said, " I He had followed the chase so close, that im- xwonder, Dawdle, what you do with all your mediately after our adventurer's departure, money!' " I am sumpiised you should give he alihllted at the inn from whence Aurelia yourself that trouble-T never ask wvhat you had been conveved, and there he learned the do with yours." " You nhave no occasion to particulars which we have related above. ask, you knoxv pretty wvell ihow it goes." Mr Svcamore had a great deal of the "Whlat! do you upbraid me with your childish romantic in his disposition, and in favours?-'tis rnielbhty well, Sycamore."the course of his aniours, is said to have " Nay, Dawdle, I did not intend to af'ront." always taken more pleasure in the pursuit "Zounds! affront! what d'ye mean 3' "I'11 tlhan in the final possession. lte had heard assure you, Davy, you don't know me, if of Sir Launcelot's extravaogance, by which you think I could be so ungenerous as tohe was in some measure infected, and he a-to"-"- I always thought, whatever faults dropped an insinuation, that he could eclipse or foibles you mi'he have, Sycamore, that 1is rival even in his own lunatic sphere. you was not deficient in generosity,-though This hint wtas not lost upon his comparnion, to be sure it is often veiry absutdly displa.yed.' counsellor, and budroon, the facetious Davy "Ay, that's one of my greatest foibles; I Dawdle, wxho had some humour and a great can't refuse even a scoundrel when I think deal of 1misciief in his composition. He he is in want.-Here, Dawdle, take that looked upon his patron as a fool, and his note." " Not 1, sir,-what d'ye mean,patron knew himn to be both knave and fool; what right have I to your notes,?" " lNay, yet the two characters suited each other so but Dawdle,-come." "By no means-it well, that they could hardly exist asunder. looks like the abuse of good-nature, —-all the Davy wvas an artfil sycophant, but he did not world knows you're good-natured to a fault." flatter in the usual way; on the contrary, he " Come, dear Davy, you shall —you must behaved en cavalier, and treated Sycamore, oblige me." Thus urged, Dawdle accepted ADVENTURES OF SIR LAUNCELOT GREAVES. 279 the bank-note with great reluctance, and re- in silence, and began to reflect, not without stored the idea to the right owner. mortification, that he was treated as a lunaA suit of armour being brought from the tic by some person who wanted to amuse garret or armoury of his ancestors, he gave himself with the infirmities of his felloworders for having the pieces scoured and creatures. Mr Thomas Clarke, who saw the furbished up; arid his heart dilated with joy ceremony with which the letter was deliverwhen he reflected upon the superb figure he ed, and the emotions with which it was read, should make when cased in complete steel, hied him to the kitchen for intelligence, and and armed at all points for the combat. there learned that the stranger was Squire When he was fitted with the other parts, Sycamore. He forthwith comprehended thei Dawdle insisted on buckling on his helmet, nature of the billet, and, in the apprehension which weighed fifteen pounds; and the that bloodshed would ensue, resolved to headpiece being adjusted, made such a clat- alarm his uncle, that he might assist in ter about his ears with a cudgel, that his eyes keeping the peace. He accordingly entered had almost started from their sockets. His the apartment of the captain, who had been voice was lost within the vizor, and his waked by the trumpet, and now peevishly friend affected not to understand his mean- asked the meaning of that damned piping? inrg when lie made signs with his gauntlets, as if all hands were called upon deck. Clarke and endeavoured to close with him, that he having imparted what he knew of the transmight wrest the cudgel out of his hand. At action, together with his own conjectures, length he desisted, saying, " I'll warrant the the captain said, he did not suppose as how helmet sound by its rising;" and taking it they would engage by candle light; and off, found the squire in a cold sweat. He that, for his own part, he should turn out in would have achieved his first exploit on the the larboard watch, long enough before any spot, had his strength permitted him to as- signals could be hove out for forming the sault Dawdle; but, what with want of air, line. With this assurance the lawyer reand the discipline he had undergone, he had tired to his rest, where he did not fail to well nigh swooned away; and before he re- dream of. Mrs Dolly Cowslip, while Sir trieved the use of his members, he was ap- Launcelot passed the night awake, in rumipeased by the apologies of his companion, nating on the strange challenge he had rewho protested he meant nothing more than ceived. He had got notice that the sender to try if the helmet was free of cracks, and was Mr Sycamore, and hesitated with himwhether or not it would prove a good protec- self whether he should not punish him fbr tion to the head it covered. his impertinence; but when he reflected on His excuses were accepted; the armour the nature of the dispute, and the serious was packed up, and next morning Mr Syca- consequences it might produce, he resolved -more set out from his own house, accompa- to decline the combat, as a trial of right and nied by Dawdle, who undertook to perform merit founded upon absurdity. Even in his the part of his squire at the approaching maddest hours, he never adopted those maxcombat. He was also attended by a servant ims of knight-errantry which related to chalon horseback, who had charge of the armour, lenges. He always perceived the folly and and another who blowed the trumpet. They wickedness of defying a man to mortal fight, no sooner understood that our hero was because he did not like the colour of his housed at the George, than the trumpeter beard, or the complexion of his mistress; or sounded a charge, which alarmed Sir Launce- of deciding by homicide whether he or his lot and his company, and disturbed honest rival deserved the preference, when it was Captain Crowe in the middle of his first the lady's prerogative to determine which sleep. Their next step was to pen a chal- should be the happy lover. It was his opilengoe, which, when the stranger departed, nion that chivalry was an useful institution was by the trumpeter delivered with great while confined to its original purposes of ceremony into the hands of Sir Launcelot, protecting the innocent, assisting the friendwho read it in these words:- less, and bringing the guilty to condign pun"To the Knight of tile Crescent, greet- ishment: but he could not conceive how ing. Whereas I am informed you have the these laws should be answered by violating presumption to lay claim to the heart of the every suggestion of reason, and every prepeerless Aurelia Darnel, I give you notice cept of humanity. that I can admit no riva!lhip in the affection Captain Crowe did not examine the matof that parag'on of beauty; and I expect that ter so philosophically. He took it for grantyou will either resign your pretensions, or ed that in the morning the two knights would make it appear, in single combat, according come to action, and slept sound on that supto the law of arms, and the institutions of position. But he rose before it was day, chivalry, that you are worthy to dispute her resolved to be somehow concerned in thu favour with him of the Griffin. fray; and understanding that the stranger " POLYDORE." had a companion, set him down immedlately Our adventurer was not a little surprised for his own antaogonist. So impatient was at this address u lhich however he pocketed he to establish this secondary contest, that SMOLLETT'S SELECT WORKS. by day-break he entered the chamber of bloody bones?" When his friend, slipping D)awdle, to which he was directed by the on his clothes, gave him to understand that waiter, and roused him with a hilloa, that this was a friend of Sir Launcelot Greaves, might have been heard at the distance of and explained the purport of his errand, he half a league. Dawdle, startled by this ter- treated him with more civility. He assured rific sound, sprung out of bed, and stood up- him that he should have the pleasure to right on, the floor, before he opened his eyes break a spear with Mr Dawdle; and signiupon the object by which he had been so fled his surprise that Sir Launcelot had not dreadfilly alarmed. But when he beheld made an answer to his letter. It being by the head of Crowe, so swelled and swathed, this time clear day-light, and Crowe exso livid, hideous, and grisly, with a broad tremely interested in this atffair, he broke sword by his side, and a case of pistols in without ceremony into the knight's chamber, his girdle, he believed it was the apparition and told him abruptly that the enemy had of soine murdered man; his hair bristled up, brought to, and waited fbr his coiing up, his teeth chattered, and his knees knocked: in order to begin the action.-" I've hailed he would have prayed, but his tongue denied his consort," said he, " a shambling chatterits office. Crowe seeing his perturbation,- ing fellow: he took me first for a hobgoblin, "Mayhap, friend," said he, "you take me then called me names, a tiger, a wrynosefor a buccaneer; but I am no such person. o'ross, and a Persian bear; but egad, if I My name is Captain Crowe. I come not for come athwart him, ['ll make him look like your silver nor your gold, your rigging nor the bear and ragged staff before we part-I your stowage; but hearing as how your wool-" friend intends to bring my firiend Sir Launce- This intimation was not received with that lot Greaves to action, d'ye see, I desire, in alacrity which the captain expected to find the way of friendship, that, while they are in our adventurer, who told him in a peremipengaged, you and I, as their seconds, may tory tone, that he had no design to come to lie board and board for a few glasses to di- action, and desired to be left to his reDose. vert one another, d'ye see." Dawdle hear- Crowe forthwith retired crest-fallen, and ing this request, began to retrieve his facul- muttered something, which was never disties, and throwing himself into the attitude tinctly heard. of Hamlet when the ghost appears, exclaim- About eight in the morning lMr Dawdle ed in a theatrical accent, brought him a formal message fiorm the kniglht of the Griffin, desirino- he would ap-'Anels and miniesters of rlace ldefend it s! O'tholulO a) pi it of grace pol and 2) point the lists, and give security of the field. b ~~t tou s ~t c, To which request he made answer in a very As he seemed to bend his eye on vacancy, composed and solem-tn accent, — If the perthe captain began to think that he really son who sent you thinks I have injured him, saw something preternatural, and stared let him, without disguise or any such ridicuwildly round. Then addressing himself to the lois ceremony, explain the nature of the terrified Dawdle-" Damn'd," said he, "for wrong; and then I shallgive such satisfacwhat should I be damn'd? If you are afeard tion as may suit my conscience and my chaof goblins, brother, put your trust in the racter. If he hath bestowed his affection Lord, and he'll prove a sheet anchor to you." upon any particular object, and looks upon The other having by this time recollected me as a favourite rival, I shall not wrono the himself perfectly, continued notwithstanding lady so much as to take any step that may to spout tragedy, and in the words of Mac- prejudice her choice, especially a step that beth, pronounced, contradicts my own reason as much as it would outrage the laws of my country. If.'What man dame, I dare: TIpprtoach thou like the title( Russian bear, he who calls himself knight of the Griffin is h e ilie r 1 nian ter, really desirous of treading in the paths of T-he armed rhiinoceros, or Hyreanian tiger: F ak'e any shlapce hut that, a m}firman nerves: true chivalry, he will not want opportunities'Iake any shape but that, and my firm nerves Shall never tre-mble.>_ sil of signalizing his valour in the cause of vir. tlue. Should he, notwithstanding this decla"'Ware names, Jack," cried the impatient ration, offer violence to me in the course of mariner, " if so be as how you'll bear a hand my occasions, lie will always find me in a and rig yourself, and take a short trip with posture of defence; or, should he persist in me into the offing, we'll overhaul this here repeating his importunities, I shall without affair in the turning of a capstan." ceremony chastise the messenger.'" His deAt this juncture they were joined by Mr clining the combat was interpreted into fear Sycamore in his night-gown and slippers. by Mr Sycamore, who now became more inDisturbed by Crowe's first salute, he had solent and ferocious, on the supposition of sprungo up, and now expressed no small as- our knitght's timidity. Sir Launcelot meantonishment at first sight of the novice's while went to breakfast with his friends, and countenance. After having gazed alter- having put on his armour, ordered the horses nately at him and Dawdle,-" WIho have to be brought forth. Then lie paid the bill, and you got here," said lie, " raw head and walking deliberately to the gate, in presence ADVENTURES OF SIR LAUNCELOT GREAVES. 281 of Squire Sycamore and his attendants, vaulted at one spring into the saddle of Bron- CHAPTER XIX. zomarte. whose neighing and curveting proclaimed the joy he felt in being mounted by Containing the achievements of the knights his accomplished master. of the Gr iL: anxd Cresent. Though the knighlt of the Griffin did not think proper to insult his rival personally, MR SYcAnoarE, alias the knight of the Griffin, his friend Dawdle did not faii to crack somle so denominated firom a griffin painted on his iokes on the figure and horsemanship of shield, being armed at all points, atnd his Crowe, who again declared he should be friend Dawdle provided with a certain irmpleglad to fall in with him upon the voyage; nent, which he flattered himself would innor did AMr Clarie's black patch and ruefoll sure a victory over the novice Crowe, they countenance pass unnoticed and unridiculed. set out from the George, with their attendAs for Timothy Crabshaw, he beheld his ants, in all the elevation of hope, and pranced brother squire with the contempt of a vete- along the highlway that led towards London, ran; and Gilbert paid him his compliments that being the road which our adventuwith his heels at parting: but when our ad- rer pursued. As they were extremely well venturer arid his retinue were clear of the mounted, and proceeded at a round pace, inn, Mir Sycamore ordered his trumpeter to they in less than two hours came up with sound a retreat, by way of triumph over his Sir Latncelot and his company: and Sycaantagonist. more sent another formal defian)ce to the Perhaps he would have contented himself knight by his trumpeter, Dawdle having, for with this kind of victory, had not Dawdle good reasons, declined that office. further inflamed his envy and ambition, by Our adventurer hearing himself thus adlaunching out in praise of Sir Launcelot. dressed, and seeing his rival, who had passed He observed, that his countenance was open him, posted to obstruct his progress, armed and manly; his joints strong knit, and his cap-a-pee, with his lance in the rest, deterform unexceptionable; that he trod like Her- mined to give the satisfaction that was recules, and vaulted into the saddle like a quired, and desired that the regulations of winged Mercury: nay, he even hinted it was the combat might be established. The lucky for Sycamore that the knight of the knight of the Griffin proposed that the vanCrescent happened to be so pacifically dis- quished party should resign all pretensions posed. His patron sickened at these praises, to Miss Aurelia Darnel, in favour of the and took fire at the last observation. He af- victor; that while the principals were enfected to undervalue personal beauty, though gaged, his friend Dawdle should run a tilt the opiniion of the world had been favourable with Captain Crowe: that Squire Crabshaw to himself in that particular: he said he was and MAr Sycamore's servant should keep at least two inches taller than Greaves; and themselves in readiness to assist their reas to shape and air, he would make no com- spective masters. occasionally, according to parisons; but with respect to riding, he was the law of arms; and that Mr Clarke should sure he had a better seat than Sir Launcelot, observe the motions of the trumpeter, whose and would wager five hundred to fifty gui- province was to souond the charge to battle. neas, that he would unhorse him at the first Our knight agireed to these regulations, encounter. "There is no occasion for lay- notwithstanding the earnest and pathetic reing wagers," replied Mr Dawdle, " the doubt monstrances of the vounn lawyer, who, with may be determined in half an hour-Sir tears in his eyes, conjuired all the coinbatants Launcelot is not a man to avoid you at fiull in their turn to refrain firom an action that gallop." Sycamore, after some hesitation, might be attended with bloodslhed and murdeclared lie would follow and provoke him der, and was contrary to the laws both of to battle, on condition that Datwdle would God and man. In vain he endeavoured to engage Crowe; and this condition was ac- move them by tears and entreaties, by threat~epted: for, though Davy had no stomach ening them with prosecutions in this world, to the trial, he could not readily find an ex- and pains and pernalties in the next; they cuse for declining it; besides, he had dis- persisted in their resolution, and his uncle covered the captain to be a very bad horte- would have begun hostilities on his carcass, man, and resolved to eke out his own scanty had he not been prevented by Sir Launcelot, valour with a border of ingenuity. The ser- who exhorted Clarke to retire fiom the field, vants were immediately ordered to unpack that lie might not be involved in the consethe armour, and, in a little time, Mr Syca- quences of the combat. He relished this more made a very formidable appearance. advice so well, that he had actually moved But the scene that followed is too impor- off to some distance; but his apprehensions tant to be huddled in at the end of a and concern for his friends co-operating withl chapter: and therefore we shall reserve it an insatiable curiosity, detained him in sight for a more conspicuous place in these me- of the engagement. moirs. The two knights having fairly divided the 5 D* 69* 2S2 SMOLLETT'S SELECT WORKS. ground, and the same precautions being taken alighted immediately, and began to unbuckle by the seconds, on another part of the field, his helmet, in which office he was assisted Sycamore began to be invaded with some by the trumpeter. When the headpiece was scruples, which were probably engendered removed, the hapless knight of the Griffin by the martial appearance and well known appeared in the pale livery of death, though character of his antagonist. The confidence he was only in a swoon, fiom which he soon which he had derived from the reluctance recovered by the effect of the fresh air, and of Sir Launcelot now vanished, because it the aspersion of cold water, brought from a plainly appeared that the knight's backward- small pool in the neighbourhood. When he ness was not owing to personal timidity; recognised his conqueror doing the offices and he foresaw that the prosecution of this of humanity about his person, he closed his joke might be attended with very serious eyes from vexation, told Sir Launcelot consequences to his own life and reputation. that his was the fortune of the day, though lIe therefore desired a parley, in which he he himself owed his mischance to the fault observed, his affection for Miss Darnel was of his own horse; and observed, that this of such a delicate nature, that, should the ridiculous affair would not have happened, discomfiture of his rival contribute to make but for the mischievous instigation of that her unhappy, his victory must render him scoundrel Dawdle, on whose ribs he threatthe most miserable wretch upon earth. He ened to revenge this mishap. proposed, therefore, that her sentiments and Perhaps Captain Crowe might have saved choice should be ascertained before they him the trouble, had the wag honourably adproceeded to extremity. hered to the institutions of chivalry in his Sir Launcelot declared that he was much conflict with our novice; but on this occamore afraid of combating Aurelia's inclina- sion his ingenuity was more commendable tion, than of opposing the knight of the than his courage. He had provided at the Griffin in arms; and that if he had the inn a blown bladder, in which several smooth least reason to think Mr Sycamore, or any pebbles'were inclosed; and this he slily fixed other person, was distinguished by her pre- on the head of his pole, when the captain ference, he would instantly give up his suit as obeyed the signal of battle. Instead of beardesperate. At the same time, he observed, ing the brunt of the encounter, he turned out that Sycamore had proceeded too far to re- of the straight line, so as to avoid the lance tract; that he had insulted a gentleman, and of his antagonist, and rattled his bladder not only challenged, but even pursued him, with such effect, that Crowe's horse, pricking and blocked up his passage in the public up his ears, took to his heels, and fled across highway; outrages which he (Sir Launcelot) some ploughed land with such precipitation, would not suffer to pass unpunished. Ac- that the rider was obliged to quit his spear, cordingly, he insisted on the combat, on pain and lay fast hold on the mane, that he might of treating Mr Sycamore as a craven and a not be thrown out of the saddle. Dawdle,,;.creant. This declaration was reinforced who was much better mounted, seeing his by Dawdle, who told him, that, should he condition, -rode up to the unfortunate novice, now decline the engagement, all the world and belaboured his shoulders without fear of would look upon him as an infamous poltroon. retaliation. These two observations gave a necessary IMr Clarke, seeing his kinsman so roughly fillip to the courage of the challenger. The handled, forgot his fears, and flew to his asparties took their stations, the trumpet sound- sistance; but, before he came up, the aged to charge, and the combatants began their gressor had retired; and now perceiving that career with great impetuosity. Whether the fortune had declared against his friend and gleam of Sir Launcelot's arms affrighted patron, very honourably abandoned him in Mr Sycamore's steed, or some other object his distress, and went off at fill speed for had an unlucky effect on his eye-sight, cer- London. tain it is, he started at about midway, and Nor was Timothy Crabshaw without his gave his rider such a violent shake, as dis- share in the noble achievements of this procomposed his attitude, and disabled him pitionis day. HI-e had by this time imbibed fiom using his lance to the best advantage. such a tincture of errantry, that he firmly Had our hero continued his career with his believed himself and his master equally inlance couched, in all probability Sycamore's vincible; and this belief operating upon a armour would have proved but a bad defence perverse disposition, rendered him as quarto his carcass; but Sir Launcelot, perceiving relsomne in his sphere as his master was mild his rival's spear unrested, had just time to and forbearing. As he sat on horseback, in throw up the point of his own. when the the place assigned to him and Sycamore's two horses closed with such a shock, that lacquey, he managed Gilbert in such a miianSycamore, already wavering in the saddle, ner, as to invade with his heels the postewas overthrown, and his armour crashed riors of the other's horse; and this insult around him as he fell. produced some altercation, which ended in The victor, seeing him lie without motion, mutual assault. The footman handled the ADVENTURES OF SIR LAJNCELOT GREAVES. 283 butt-end of his horsewhip with great dexterity wielded. Mr Clarke, running up to the asabout the head of Crabshaw, who declared sistance of his uncle, was opposed by the afterwards, that it sulng and simmered like a lacquey, who seemed extremely desirous of kettle of' cod-fish: but the squire, who un- seeing the enemy revenge his quarrel, by derstood the nature of long-lashes, as having falling foul of one another. Clarke, thus been a carter from his infancy, found means impeded, commenced hostilities against the to twine his thong about the neck of his an- footman, while Crowe grappled with Crabtagonist, and pull him off his horse half shaw; a battle-royal ensued, and was mainstrangled, at the very instant lis master was tained with great vigour and some bloodshed thrown by Sir Launcelot Greaves. on all sides, until the authority of Sir LaunHaving thus obtained the victory, he did celot, reinforced by some weighty renmonnot much retard the punctilios of chivalry, strances applied to the squire, put an end to but, takino it for granted he had a right to tile conflict. Crabshaw immediately desisted, make the most of his advantage, resolved to and ran roaring to commutnicate his grievcarry off the spolia opioa. iilighting with ances to Gilbert, who seemed to sympathize great aoility-' -Brother," cried hlie, "I think very little with his distress. The lacquey as lhaw yawrs bean't a butcher's horse, a took to his heels; Mr Clarke wiped his doan't carry calves well —'se make yaw bloody nose, declaring he had a good mind knaw your churning days, I wool-what, yaw to put the aggressor in the crown office; and look as if yaw was crow-trodden, you do- Captain Crowe continued to ejaculate unnow, you shall pay the score you have been connected oaths, which, however, seemed to running on omy pate, you shall, brother." imply that he was almost sick of his new So saying, he rifled his pockets, stripped profession. " D —n my eyes, if you call this him of his hat and coat, and took possession -start my timbers, brother-look ye, d'ye of his master's portmianteau. But he did not see-a lousy, lubberly, cowardly son of along enjoy his plunder; for the lacquey com- among the breakers, d'ye see —lost my steerplaining to Sir Launcelot of his having been age way-split my binnacle; hawle awaydespoiled, the knight commanded his squire 0! damn all arrantry-give me a tight vesto refund, not without menaces of subjecting sel, d'ye see, brother, mayhap you mayn't him to the severest chastisement for his in- -snatch my-sea room and a spanking gale iustice and rapacity. Timothy represented, -odds heart, I'll hold a whole year's-smite with great vehemence, that he had won the my limbs; it don't signify talkin." spoils in fair battle, at the expense of his Our hero consoled our novice for his dishead and shoulders, which he immediately aster, by observing, that, if he had got some uncovered to prove his allegation: but his blows, he had lost no honour. At the same remonstrance having no effect upon his mas- time, he observed. that it was very difficult, ter, —" Wounds!" cried he, " an I mun gee if not impossible, oir a man to succeed in the thee back the pig, I'se gee thee back the paths of chivalry who had passed the better poke also; I'm a driubbing still in thy debt." part of his days in other occupations; and With these words, he made a most furious hinted, that, as the cause which had engaged attack upon the plaintiff with his horsewhip, him in this way of lifb no longer existed, he and, before the knight could interpose, repaid was determined to relinquish a profession the lacquey with interest. As an appurte- which in a peculiar manner exposed him to nance to Sycanmore and Dawdle, he ran the the mnost disagreeable incidents. Crowe risk of another assault firom the novice Crowe, chewed the cud upon this insinuation, while who was so transported with rage at the dis- the other personages of the drama were emagreeable trick which had been played upon ployed in catching the horses, which had him by his fugitive antagonist, that he could given their riders the slip. As for Mr Synot for some time pronounce an articulate camore, he was so bruised by his fall, that sound, but a few broken interjections, the it was necessary to procure a litter for conmeaning of which could not be ascertained. veying him to the next town; and the serSnatching up his pole, he ran towards the vTrant was dispatched for this convenience, place where iMr Sycamore sat on the grass, Sir Launcelot staying with himn until it arrisupported by the trumpeter, and would have ved. finished what our adventurer had left undone, When he was safely deposited in the if the kniglht of the Crescent, with admirable carriage, our herc took leave of him in these dexterity, had not warded off the blow which terms".- I I shall not insist upon your sublie aimooned at the knight of the Griffin, and mitting to the terms you yourself proposed sionified his displeasuire in a resolute toneu before this rcncouinter. I give you free thenn lie colla.red the lacquey, who was just leave to use all your advantag'es, in an hondisenoaged from the chastising hand of Crab- ourable way, for promoting your suit with shaw,.nld, vsioing Il his lance with his other the young lady of whom you profess yourself hand, encountered the squire's ribs by acci- enanmoured. Should you have recourse to dent. sinister practices, you will find Sir Launceiot Tinothy was not slow in returning the Greaves ready to demand an account of vour salutation with the weapon which he still conduct, not in the character of a lunatic 284 SSMOLLETT'S SELECT W71ORKS. knight-errant, but as a plain Euglish gentle- that Mr Darnel had lodged his niece in the 1an, jealous of his honour, and resolute in new buildings by May Fair; that, on the his purpose." second night after their arrival, a ver v warm To this address Mr Sycamore made no expostulation had passed between Aurelia reply, but with a sullen aspect ordered the and her uncle, wlho next morning disinissed carriage to proceed; and it moved accord- Dolly, without perrmittino her to take leave ingly to the right, our hero's road to London of lier mistress, and that siamne day moved to Iying in the other direction. another part of the town, as she afterwards Sir Launcelot had already exchanged his learned of tlie landlady, tihoughl slhe could arinour fir a ridino-coat, hat, and boots; and not'infoirm her wvhither they were gone: Crowe, partin n with his slkull-cap and leath- that, when she was turned away, John ern jerkin, reegained, in some respects, the Clumlp, one of the fi(otinen, who pretended appearance of a human creature. Thus to have a kindness fir her, had faithfully rnetanlorphosed, they pursued their way in promised tol call upon her, and let her know an easy Ipace; Mr Clarke endeavoured to whllat passed in the faaily; but as lie did not amuse thoen with a learned dissertation on keep his wlord, and she was an utter stranthe law, tending to demonstrate that Mr Sy- ger in London, without friends or settlement, camnore was, by his belaviour on that day, she had resolved to return to hler mother, liable to three different actions, besides a and travelled so far on foot since yesterday commission of lunacy; arind that Dawdlle morning. might be prosecuted fbr having practised Our knight, who had expected the most subtle craft to the annoyance of his uncle, dismal tidings fioin her larnelitable preaniover and above an action for assault and ble, was pleased to find his presaoing fears battery; because, for why? The said Crowe disappointed; thou gl he was foar fiom beino having run away, as might be easily proved, satisfied with the dismission of Dolly, firomn before any blows were given, the said Daw- whose attachment to his interest, joine*d to dle, by pursuing him even out of the high her influence over IMr Ciunmp, lie had h>oped road, putting him in fear, and committing to reap such intelligence as would guide hilm battery on his body, becamne, to all intents to the haven of his desires. After a minuite's and purposes, the aggressor; and an indict- reflection, he saw it would be expedient to ment would lie in banco regis. carry back,otrs Cowslip, and lodge her at the The captain's pride vwas so shocked at place wvhere Mr C'lnmp had promised to' visit these observations, that he exclaimed with her with intellicence; foil, in all probability, equal rage and impatience, —~ 6 You lie, you it was not fiom want of inclination that he dog, in bilkutn regis-you lie, I say, you had not, kept his promise. lubber, I did not run away; nor was I in Doliy didinot express any aversion to the fear, d'ye see. It was nmy son of a b5h of scheme of returning to Lolndon, wlhere she a horse that would not obey thle helm, d'ye hoped once more to rejoin her dlear lady, to see, whereby I cou'dn't use my metal, d'ye wlhom by this time she was attached by the see. As for thIe matter of fiar, you and fear strongest ties of afFction; and her inclinamay kiss my-So don't go a1nd heave your tion in this respect was assisted by the constink-pots at my character, d'ye see, or — sideration of having the company of the agad, I'll trim thee fibore and a-t vith a I young lawyer, vho, it plainly appeared, had wool." Toni protested he meanit nothing made strange haavoc in her heart, thoulghh it but a little speculation, and Crowve was ap- must be owned, for the honour of this bloompeased. ing darnsel, that her thoughts had never once In the evening they reached the town of deviated friom the plathls of innocence and Bugden withoutl any further adventure, and virtue. The more Sir Launcelot surveyed passed the night in great tranquillity. this agreeable maiden, the more he felt himNext morning, even after the horses were self disposed to takle care of her for:une; ordered to be saddled, MAr Clarke, without and from this day he began to ruminate on a ceremony, entered the apartment of Sir scheme wlhich was aiter wards consummated Launcelot, leading in a fermale, who proved in her favour. In the nmean time he laid into be the identical Mrs Dolly Cowslip. This junctions on Mr Clarke to conduct his advoung w oman, advancing to the knigllt, dresses to Mrs Covwslip according to tle cried,-" 0 Sir Launcelot 1 my dear leady, rules of honour and dlecorum, as he valued my dearleady!"-butwas hindered from pro- his countenance and fiiendship. His next ceeding by a food of tears, which the tender- step was to procure a saddle-horse for Dolly, hearted lawyer mingled with a plentiful who preferred this to any otlher sort of carshower of sympathy. riaoge, and thereby gratified the wish of her Our adventurer starting at this exclaina- admirer, who loigied to see her on horse. tion, —" 0 Heavens!" cried he, " where is back in her green joseph. my Aurelia? speak, where did you leave The armour, itncluding the accoutrements thiat jewel of my soul 3 answer me in a mo- of the novice and the squire, were left in the rment-l am all terror and imnpatience?" care of the innikeeper, and Timothy CrabDolly having recollected herself, told him shaw was so metamorphosed by a plain ADV3ENTTTRES OF SIR LAUNCELOU GREAVES. 285 livery-frocli, that even Gilbert with difEculty gardens of Rotherhithe. Sir Launcelot was recognised his person. As for the novice not insensible to the beauties of this landCrowe, his head lhad alrnmost resumed its na- scape, but, his pursuit lying another way, he tural nimensions, but then his whole face contented himself withi a less enchanting w-as so covered with a livid suffusion, his situation, and Crowe accompanied him out nose appeared so flat, and his lips so tune- of pure fi'iendship. flied, that he nmight very well have passed for At night, Mr Clarke arrived at our hero's a Caifre or Ethiopian. Every circumstance house with tidings that were by no means being now adjusted, they delparted from Bug- agreeable. IHe told him, that Clump had den in a reguilar cavalcade, dined at Hatfield, left a letter for Dolly, informing her, that and in the evening arrived at the Bull-and- his master, Squire Darnel, was to set out Gate inn in I-Iolborn, where thev established early in the morning for Yorkshire; but he their quarters for the night. could give no account of her lady, who had the (lay before been conveyed, he knew not whither, in a hackney-coach, attended by her CHAPTER XX. uncle and an ill-looking fellow, who had much tile appearance of a bailiff or turnkey, 7, wbich outr hero descends in-o the man- so that he feared she was in trouble. sie' osf othe damUned. Sir Launcelot was deeply affected hby this intimation. His apprehension was even THE first step wvhich Sir Launcelot took in roused by a suspicion that a man of Darnel's the morning that succeeded his arrival in violent temper and unprincipled heart might London, was to settle MIrs Dolly Cowslip in have practised upon the lite of his lovely lodgings at the houlse where John Clump niece; but, upon recollection, he could not had promised to visit her; as he did not suppose that he had recourse to such infadoubt that, thouo'h the visit was delaved, moos expedients, knowingo, as he did, that an it wonld some time or other be perfiorm- account of her woull be demanded at his ed, and in that case he nioght obtain some hands, and that it would be easily proved he intelligence of Aurelia. Mr Thonias Clarke had conveyed her fionm the lodgings in which was permitted to take up his habitation in she resided. the same house, on his earnestly desiringl he His first fears now gave way to another nlight be intrusted with the office of convey- suggestion, that Anthony, in order to intiniing information and instruction between date her into a compliance with his propoDolly and our adventurer. The knight him- sals, had trumped up a spurious claim against self' resolved to live retired, until he should her, and, by virtlue of a writ, confined her in receive some tidings relating to Miss Darnel some prison or spunging-hlose. tPossessed that would influence his conduct; but he with this idea, he desired Mr Clarke to proposed to fiequent places of public resort search the sheriif's office in the morning, incognitio, that he might have some chance that he might know whether any such writ of meeting by accident with the mistress of had been granted; and lie himself resolved his heart. to make a toui' of the great prisons belonging Taking it for granted, that the oddities of to the metropolis, to inquire, if perchance Crowe would help to amuse him in his hours she might not be confined under a borrower' of solitude and disappointment, he invited name. Finally, lie determined, if possible, that original to be his guest at a small house, to apprise her of his place of abode, by a which he determined to hire ready furnished, paragraph in all the daily papers, signifying, in the neighbourhood of' Golden-square. The that Sir Launcelot Greaves had arrived at his captain thanked him for his courtesy, and house near Golden-square. frankly embraced his offer, though he did not All these resolutions were punctually exemuch approve of the knight's choice in point cuted. No such writ had been taken out in of situation. HI-le said he would recommend the sheriff's offce; and therefore, our hero him to a special good upper deck hard by St set out on his jail expedltion, accompanied Catherine's in Wappirlg, where he would be by Mr Clarke, who had contracted some acdelighted with the prospect of'the street for- quaintance with the comnmandino' officers in wards, well frequented by passengers, carts, these garrisons, in the course of his clerkship dravs, and other carriages; and having back- and practice as an attornev. The first day wafrds an agreeable view of Alderman Par- they spent in piro ecutino their inquir v son's great brewhlouse, with two hundred throuoh the Gate-house, Fliet, a'nd Miiarshaihogs feeding almust under the window. As sea; the next davy theyv.alotted to L.he King's a further inducement, he mentioned the vici- Bench, where they inderstod tlhere was a nity of the Tower guns, which would regale great va.rielty of plrisoiers. Tere they pro. his hearing con days of salutation; nor did posed to mlalke a minute scrultiiny, by the helI} he forget the sweet sounid of mooring and of Mr Norten, the deplity-na.rshmaI, who was unmooring ships in the river, and the pleas- Mr Clarke's intimate friend, and had nothinfg inmg objects on the other side of the Thames, at all of the jailor, either in his appearance displayed in the oozy docks and cabbage- or in his disposition, which was renlarkably 286 SMOLLETT'S SELECT WORKS. humane and benevolent towards all his fellow- Mr Felton, a prisoner of a very decent apcreatures. pearance, who paid his compliments with a The knight having bespoke dinner at a good grace, and invited the company to tavern in the borough, was, together with repose themselves in his apartment, which Captain Crowe, conducted to the prison of was laroe, commodious, and well furnished. the King's Bench, which is situated in St When Sir Launcelot asked the cause of that George's fields, about a mile from the end of uproar, he told him that it was the prelude Westminster bridge, and appears like a neat to a boxing-match between two of the prisolittle regular town, consisting of one street, ners, to be decided in the ground or garden surrounded by a very high wall, including an of the place. open piece of ground, which may be termed Captain Crowe, expressing an eager cua garden, where the prisoners take the air, rioslty to see the battle, Mr Felton assured and amuse themselves with a variety of di- him there would be no sport, as the combatversions. Except the entrance, where the ants were both reckoned dunghills: —" but in turnkeys keep watch and ward, there is no- half an hour," said he, " there will be a battle thing in the place that looks like a jail, or of some consequence between two of the bears the least colour of restraint. The demagogues of the place, Dr Crabelaw and street is crowded with passengers. Trades- Mr Tapelv, the first a physician, and the men of all kinds here exercise their different other a brewer. You must know, gentleprofessions. Hawkers of all sorts are ad- men, that this microcosm, or republic in mitted to call and vend their wares as in any miniature, is, like the great world, split into open street of London. Here are butchers' factions. Crabclaw is the leader of one stands, chandlers' shops, a surgery, a tap- party, and the other is headed by Tapely; house well frequented, and a public kitchen, both are men of warm and impetuous ternin which provisions are dressed for all the pers, and their intriogues have embroiled the prisoners gratis, at the expense of the pub- whole place, insomuch that it is dangerous lican. Here the voice of misery never corn- to walk the street on account of the con. plains; and, indeed, little else is to be heard tinual skirmishes of their partizans. At but the sounds of mirth and jollity. At the length some of the more sedate inhabitants further end of the street, on the right baud, havingo met and deliberated upon some reinis a little paved court leading to a separate edy for these growving disorders, proposed buildineo, consisting of twelve large apart- that the dispute should be at once decided ments, called state rooms, well furnished and by single combat between the two chiefs, fitted up for the reception of the better sort who readily agreed to the proposal. The of crown prisoners; and on the other side match was according(ly made for five guineas, of the street, facing a separate division of and this very day and hour appointed for ground called tbke common side, is a range the trial, on which considerable slms or of rooms occupied by prisoners of the lowest money are depending. As for Mr Norton, order, who share the profits of a begging it is not proper that he should be present, box, and are niaintained by this practice, and or seem to countenance such violent prosome established funds of charity. We ceedings, which, however, it is necessary to ought also to observe, that the jail is provi- connive at, as convenient vents for the eva(led with a neat chapel, in which a clergyman, poration of those humours, which, being in consideration of a certain salary, performs confined, might accumulate and break out divine service every Sunday. with greater fury in conspiracy and rebellion." Our adventurer, havingf searched the books, The knight owned he could not conceive and perused th!e description of all the female by what means such a number of licentious prisoners who had been for some weeks ad- people, amounting, with their dependents, mitted into the jail, obtained not the least to above five hundred, were restrained withintelligence of Ilis concealed charnler, but in the bounds of any tolerable discipline, oi resolved to alleviate his disappointment by prevented fiom making their escape, which the gratification of his curiosity. they might at any time accomplish, either by Under the auspices of -Ir Norton, he stealth or open violence, as it could not be made a tour of the prison, and, in particular, supposed that one or two turnkeys, continuvisited the kitchen, where he saw a number ally employed in opening and shutting the of spits loaded with a variety of provision, door, could resist the efforts of a whole consistino of butchers' meat, poultry, and multitude. game: he could not help expressing his "Your wonder, good sir," said Mr Felton, astonishment with uplifted hands, and con- "will vanish, when you consider it is gratulating himself in secret, upon his being hardly possible that the multitude should coa member of that cominrmuini-y which had pro- operate in the execntion of such a scheme; vided suChi a comlfortalcble asylum for the un- and that the keeper perfectly well underfortunate. His ejacul'ation was interrupted stands the maxim divide et impeera. Many by a tumultuonus noise in the street' and Mr prisoners are restrained hy thle dictates of Norton de(laring he wans sent for to the gratitlude towards the deputy —marshal, whose lodrge, consigned our he'o lo the care of one friendship and good-offices they have expe. ADVENTURES OF SIR LAUNCELOT GREAVES 287 rienced; some no doubt are actuated by that, should he have the good-fortune to motives of discretion. One party is an overturn him ill the first assault, it would effectual check upon the other; and I am not be an easy task to raise him up aoain, firmly persuaded that there are not ten and put him in a capacity of offence. But prisoners within the place that would make the momentum of Crabclaw's head, and the their escape, if the doors were laid open. concomitant effbrts of his l'kuckles, had no This is a step which no man would take, effect upon the ribs of Tapely, who stood unless his fortune was altogether desperate; firm as the Acroceraunian promontory; and because it would oblige him to leave his stepping forward with his plrojected fist, country for life, and expose him to the most something smaller and softer than a sledgeimminent risk of being re-taken, and treated hammer, struck the physician to the ground. with the utmost severity. The majority of In a trice, however, by the assistance of his the prisoners live in the most lively hope of female second, he was on his leo's ayoal, being released by the assistance of their and grappling with his antagonist, endeafriends, the compassion of their creditors, voured to trip himr a fall: but instead of acor the favour of the legislature. Some who complishing his purpose, he received a are cut off from all these proposals, are be- cross-buttock, and the brewer throwing himcome naturalized to the place, knowing they self upon him as he fell, had well-nigh smiocannot subsist in any other situation. I thered him on the spot. The arnazoii flew myself am one of these. After having re- to his assistance, and Tapely showing no signed all mv effects for the benefit of my inclination to get up, she smote him on the creditors, I have been detained these nine temple till lie roared. The male second years in prison, because one person refuses hastening to the relief of his principal, made to sign my certificate. I have long outlived application to the eyes of the female, which all my fiiends fiorn whom I could expect the were immediately surrounded with black least countenance or favour; I am grown circles; and she returned the salute with a old in confirnement, and lay my account with blow, which brought a double stream of ending my days in jail, as the mercy of the blood fi'om his nostrils, greeting him at the legislature in favour of insolvent debtors is same time with the opprobrious appellation never extended to uncertified bankrupts of a lousy son of a b --. A combat more taken in execution. By dint of industry furious than the first would now have en-. and the most rig'id economy, I make shift to sued, had not Felton interposed with an live independent in this retreat. To this air of authority, and insisted on the man's scene my faculty of subsisting, as well as leaving the field, an injunction which he my body, is peculiarly confined. Had I an forthwith obeyed, saving,-"- Well, danmme, opportunity to escape, where should I go? Felton, you're my friend and commander All my views of fortune have been long I'll obey your order-but the b h will be blasted. I have no friends nor connections foul of me before we sleep." Then Felton in the world. I miust, therefore, starve in advancing to his opponent,-" Madam," some sequestered corner, or be recaptivated said he, "I'm very sorry to see a lady of and confined forever to close prison, deprived your rank and qualifications expose yourself of the indulgences which I now enjoy." in this manner-for God's sake, behave with Here the conversation was broken off by a little more decorum, if not for the sake of another uproar, which was the signal to your own family, at least for the credit of battle between the doctor and his antago- your sex in general." " Hark ye, Feltonm," nist. The company immediately adjourned said she, "decorum is founded upon a delito the field, where the combatants were al- cacy of sentiment and deportment, which ready undressed, and the stakes deposited. cannot consist with the disgraces of a jail, The doctor seemed of the middle age and and the miseries of indigence. But I see middle stature, active and alert, with an the dispute is now terminated, and the money atrabilarious aspect, and a mixture of rage is to be drank; if you'll dine with us, you and disdain expressed in, his countenance. shall be welcome; if not, you may die in The brewer was large, raw-boned, and your sobriety, and be damned." round as a butt of beer, but very fat, un- By this time the doctor had given out, wieldy, short-winded and phlegmatic. Our and allowed the brewer to be the better manl adventurer was not a little surprised when yet he would not honour the festival with he beheld, in the character of seconds, a his presence, but retired to his chamber, male and a female stripped naked from the exceedingly mortified at his defeat. Our waist upwards, the latter ranging on the hero was reconducted to Mr Felton's apartside of the physician; but the commnence- ment, where he sat some time without opennent of the battle prevented his demanding ing his mouth, so astonished lie wa.s ar of his guide an explanation of this pheno- what he had seen and heard. menon. The doctor retiring some paces "I perceive, sir," said the prisoner, "~you backwards, threw himself into the attitude are surprised at the manner in which I acof a battering ram, and rushed upon his an- costed that unhappy woman; and perhaps tagonist with great impetuosity, foreseeing, you will be more surprised when you hear 288 SMOLI,~ETT'S SELECT WORKS. that within these eighteen months she was ports of her grief and mortification; but these actually a person of fashion, and her oppo- subsiding, she had recourse to personal soli. nent, who by-the-bye is her husband, uni- citation. She went with her only child in versally respected as a man of honour and her arms, a lovely boy, to her father's door, a brave officer." " I am indeed," cried ouIr and being denied admnittance, kneeled down hero, "'overwhelmed with amazement and in the street, imprlloring' his compassion in concern, as well as stimulated by an eager the most pathetic strain; but this hardcuriosity to lrnow the fatal causes which have hearted citizen, instead of recognizing his produced such adeplorable reverse of charac- child, and takingo. tihe poor mourner to his ter and fortune. ButI willrein rny curiosity bosom, insulted her fiom the window with til the afternoon, if you will favour me with the most bitter reproach, saying, amnong other your company at a tavern in the neighbour.. shocking expressions,-'StrumIpet,takeyourhood, where I have bespoke dinner, a favour self away wxith yourbrat, otherwise I shall send which I hope Mr lNorton will have no ob- for the beadle, and have you to Bridewell.' jection to your granting, as he himself is to " The unfortunate lady was cut to the be of the party." The prisoner thanked him heart by this usage, and fkinted in the street, for his kind invitation, and they adjourned fiom whence shle was conveyed to a public immediately to the place, taking up the house by the charity of some passengers. deputy-marshal in their passage through the She afterwards attemnpted to soften the barlodge or entrance of the prison. barity of her father by repeated letters, and by interesting some of his fiiends to intercede with hin in her behalf; but all her enCHAPTER XXI. deavours proving ineffectual, she accompanied her husband to the prison of the King's Containing further anecdotes relating to Bench, where she must have felt, in the the children of wretchedness. severest manner, the fatal reverse of circunlstances to which she was exposed. DINTNE.R being cheerfully discussed, and our "The captain being disabled from going adventurer expressing an eager desire to to sea, was superseded, and he saw all his know the history of the male and female who hopes blasted in the midst of an active war, had acted as squires or seconds to the chain- at a time when he had the fairest prospects pions of the King's Bench, Felton gratified of fame and fortune. He saw himself rehis curiosity to this effect: duced to extreme poverty, cooped up with A ll that I know of Captain Clewline, the tender partner of his heart in a wretched previous to his commitnient, is, that he was hovel, amidst the refuse of mankind, and on commander of a sloop of war, and bore the the brink of wanting the common necessaries reputation of a gallant officer; that he mar- of life. The mind of man is ever ingenious tied the dauglhter of a rich merchant in the in findino resources. He comforted his lady city of London, against the inclination, and with vain hopes of havinru friends who would without the knowledge, of her father, who effect his deliverance, and repeated assurenounced her for this act of disobedience: rances of this kind so long, that he at length that the captain consoled himself for the began to thinlk they were not altogether void rigour of the parent, with the possession of of folndabion. the lady, who wvas not only remarkably beau- " Mrs Clewline, fiomn a principle of duty, tifiul in person, beut highly accomplished in recollected all her fortitude, that she might her mind, and amiable in her disposition. not only bear her fate with patience, but Such, a few months ago, were those two even contribhute to alleviate the woes of her persons whom you saw acting in such a vul- husband, whom her affection had ruined. gar capacity. WXrhen they first entered the She affected to believe the sgreestions of prison, they were undoubtedly the hand- his pretended hope; she interchanoged with somest couple mine eyes ever beheld, and him assurances of better fortune; her aptheir appearance won universal respect even pearance exhibited a calm, while her heart frim the most brutal inhabitants of the jail. was torn with anguish. She assisted him in " The captain, having unwarily involved writing letters to former fiiends, the last himself as a security for a man to whom he consolation of the wretched prisoner; she had lain under obligations, became liable for delivered these lettersxwith her own hand, a considerable sum; and his own father-in- and underwent a thousand mortifying relaw being the- sole creditor of the ban1krupt, pulses, the most shocking circumstances of t(ook this opportunity of wreaking vengeance which she concealed from her hushband. She apon rhim fbr having espoused his daughter. performed all the menial offices in her own Hie watched an opportunity until the captain little family, which was maintained by pawnhad actually stepped into a post-chaise with ing her apparel; and both the husband ann his iadv for Portsmouth, where his ship lay, wife, in some measure, sweetened their cares, and caused him to be arrested in the most by prattling and toying with their charming iublic and shameful manner. Mrs Clewline little boy, on whom they doated with an enhad liked to lhave sunk under the first trais- thusiasrn of fondness. Yet even this plea. ADVENTURES OF SIR LAUNCELOT GREAVES. 289 sqre was mingled with the mIost tender and mediately took the alarm.'Wi~hat!' cried melancloly regret. I have seen the mother she, starting up with a frantic wildness in hang over him with the rmost aflecting ex- her looks,'then our case is desperate —I pression of this kind in her aspect, the tears shall lose rmy dear T'ommy?-The poor pricontending with the smiles upon her coun- soner will be released by the hand of Heatenance, while she exclaimed, —' Alas! my yen!-Death will convey him to the cold. poor prisoner, little did your mother once grave!' The dying innocent, hearing this" think she should be obliged to nurse you in exclamation, pronounced these words;a iail.' The captain's paternal love was'Tornmy won't leave you, my dear maendashed with impatience. He would snatch fma-if Death comes to takie Tommy, pape. up the boy in a transport of grief, press him shall drive him away with his sword.' This to his breast, devour him as it were with address deprived the wretched mother of all kisses, throw up his eyes to heaven in the resibrgnation to the will of Providence. She1-: most emphatic silence; then convey the child tore her hair, dashed herself on the pave... hastilv to his mother's arms, pull hlis hat over ment, shrieked aloud, wad was carried off in his eyes, stalk out into the common walk, a deplorable state of distraction. and, finding himself alone, break out into I"CThat same evening the lovely babe ex. tears and lamentations. piredl, and the fatther grew frantic. He made' Ahi! little did this unhappy couple know ain attempt on his own life; and being with what further grleies awvaited them! The difiiiulty restrained, his agitation sunk into snall-pox b roe out in the prison, aiid poor a kind of sullen iinsensibility, which seemet Tominy Clewrlie nwas inifected. As the to ahbsotib all sentiment, and gradually vul-o erlupltion appeared unftvourable. you may garized his faculty of thinking. n order to conceive the consternation with which they tissipate the violence of his sorrow, he conwere overwhelmed. Their distress was ren- tiiuially shifted the scene from one company dered inconceivable by indigence; for by this to another, contracted abundance of low con-. time they were so destitute, that they conuld nections, and diowned his cares in repeated neither pay for common attendance, nor pro- intoxication. Tie unlhappy lady underwent cure proper advice. I did on that occasion a long series of hysterical fits and other comwhat I thought my duty towards my fellow- plaints, which seemed to have a fatal eTect creatures. I wrote to a physician of my on her brain as well as constitution. Coracqua.intance, who was humane enouo.h to dials were adminlistered to keep up her spivisit the poor little patient; I enoa ced a rits; anld she found it necessary to protract cairefdl woman as a nurse, and Mmr Norton the use of them, to blunt the edge of grief, supplied them with money and necessaries. by overwhelmin o- eflection, and remove the These helps were barely sufficient to preserve sense of uneasiness arising fi'om a disorder th.em f-oom t he horrors of despair, when they in her stomach. In a word, she became an saw their little dcarlinl pantin') unIder the habitual dram-drinler; and this practice exrage of a loathlsome pestieiitial malady, du- posed her to such communication as derin}', the excessive heat of the doo-days, and bantcdled her reason and perverted her sense strugigoling fbr breath in the noxious at mos- of decorum and propriety. She and her husphere of a confned cabin, where they scarce band g'0,,0e a lo'ose to vulgar excess, in which I ad roomn to tiirn, on the most necessary they rere enablie to inldulge by the charity occasions.'The eaoer curiosity withl whi-h and interest of some friends, who obtained the nother eyed tle doctor's looks, as ofteia half pay fbr tile captain. as he visited tle boy; the terror and trepidta- "' hev are now metamorphosed into the tiou oh the father, while e desired to Iknow shocking c(-'eattre s you have seen; he into a, Iis opinion; in a word, the whole tenor of' riotous plebeian, andl she into a ragged trull. their distress baffled all description. They are both drunk every day, quarrel'~ At length the physician, fbor the sake of and fight one with another, and often insult his own character, was obliged to be explicit, their fiellow prisoners. Yet they are not and returning with the captain to the comn- whoily abandoned by virtue and humanity. rnon walk., told him, in my hearingo, that the The captain is scrupulously honest in all his cihild could not possibly recover. This sen- dealilngs, and pays off his debts punctually tence seemed to have petrified the unfor- every quarter, as soon as he receives his tunatle parenit, who stood motionless, and h.alf'-pay. Every prisoner in distress is xwelseeaing]y bereft of' sense. I led him to my come to share his money while it lasts; and apartmnent, where he sat a feill ihour in tihat his wife never fails, xxwhile it is in her power, sli ate of stuipef'cation; then he begfan to r-roan to relieve the wretchelid so that their Cenehideously; a shower of tears butrst froom his rosity, esen in this miserable disgcnse, is eyes; he threSw himself on thle floor, and univesrsally respectod by their neig-hboums. uttered the most piteous lanmer!tation that Sometines the recollection of their formec' evier was heard. Meanwhile, Mrs Norton rankli conies over them like a qualm, whichJ being' made acquainted with the doctor's they dispel xwithi brandy, and then humorprognostic, visited Mrs Cieilline, and invited ously rally one another on their mutual deher to the lodge. Her prophetic fears ima- generacy. She often stops me in the waxk. 5 E* 70 290 SMOLLETT'S SELECT WORKS. and, pointing to the captain, says,' My ins- ments. But being deficient in true delicacy, band, though he has become a blackguard she endeavoured to hide that defect by affecjail-bird, must be allowed to be a handsome tation. She pretended to a thounsand antipafellow still.' On1 the other hand, he will fie- t-lies whichl didt not belong to her nature. A quently desire rme to take notice of his rib, as brieast of' veal threw her into mortal agonies; she chances to pass.' Mind that dracole- if' she saw a spider, she screamed; and at tail'(l drunken drab,' he vill say,'wllat an siffht of a mnouse she fainted away: she could antidote it is-yet, for all that, Felton, she not, without horror, behold an entire joint was a fine woman when 1 married her poor of meat; and nothing but fricassees and Bess, I have been the ruin of her, that is other made dishes were seen upon her table. certain, and deserve to be damned for bring- She caused all her floors to be lined with ing her to this pass.' 7 green baize, that she might trip along then "Thus they accommodate themselves to with more ease and pleasure. Her fiotmen each other's infirmities, and pass their time wore clogs, which were deposited in the not without some taste of plebeian enjoyment hall; and both they and her chairmen were -but, nanme their child, they never fail to laid under the strongest injunctions to avoid burst into tears, and still feel a return of the porter and tobacco. HIer jointure amounted most poignant sorrow." to eight hundred pounds per annum, and she Sir Launcelot Greaves did not hear this made shift to spend four times that sum: at story unmoved. Tom Clarke's cheeks were length it was mortgaged for nearly the enbedewed with the drops of sympathy, while, tire value; but, far from retrenching, she with much sobbing, lie declared his opinion, seemed to increase in extravagance, until that an action would lie against the lady's lher effects were taken in execution, and hier f!ather. person here deposited in safe custody. Captain Crowe having listened to the " lWhen one considers the abrupt transistory witih uncommon attention, expressed tionI she underwent fiom her spacious aparthils concern that an honest seaman should ments to a hovel scarce eight feet square; be so taken in stays; but he imputed all his from sumptuous furniture to bare benches; calamities to the wifo: "For why?" said le, from magonificence to meanness; from afflu"; a seafaring man may have a sweetheart in ence to extreme poverty; one would imagine every port; but he should steer clear of a she must have been totally overwhielmed by wife, as he would avoid a quicksand. You such a sudden gush of misery. But this was see, brothler, how this here Clewline lags not the case: she has, in fact, no delicate astern in the wa'le of a snivelling' b —, feelings. She forthwith accommodated her. otherwise he would never make a weft in self to the exigency of her fortune; yet she his ensign for the loss of a child-odds heart! still affects to keep state amidst the miseries he could hayve done no more if he lhad sprung of a jail; and this affectation is truly ridicua top-mast, or started a timber." Ious. She lies a-bed till two o'clock in the Thle kmioght declarino he would tale ano- afternoon; she maintains a female attendant ther view of tile prison in the afternoon, for the sole purpose of dressing her person. MIr Felton insisted upon his doing him the Her cabin is the least cleanly in the whole honour to drink a dish of tea in his apart- prison; she has learned to eat bread and ment, and Sir Launcelot accepted his ilnvi- cheese and drink porter; but she always aptation. Thither they accordingly repaired, pears once a-day dressed in the pink of the after having mane another circuit of the jail, faishion. She has found means to run in and the tea thing's were produced by Mrs debt at the chanldler's shop, the baker's, an-i Felton, when she was summoned to the door, the tap-house, though there is inotling go t and, in a few minutes returning, communi- in this place but with ready money: she has cated something in a whisper to her hus- evein borrowed small sumns fonom divers priband. He changed colour, and repaired to soners, who were themselves on the brink the staircase, where he was heard to talk of starving. She takes pleasure in being ~doud in an angry tone. surrounded with iduos, observing, tlhat by When he came back, le told the company such people a person of ftishion is to be dislie had been teased by a very importunate tinguished. She wrlites circular letters to )eggar. Addressing himself to our adven- her former fiiends andi acquaintance, and by turer,-" Y)ou tool notice," said he, " of a this method has raised pretty considerable fine lady flauntirn about our walks in all contributions for she writes in a most elothe frippery of tihe fashion. She was lately gant and irresistible style. About a furt-. gay young widow that made a great figure night aggo she received a supply of twenty at the court-end cf the town; she distin- guineas; when, instead of paving her little euished hersell' by her splendid equipage, her jail debts, or withdrawing' a.oy plul't of iher rich liveries, her brilliant assemblies, her nu- apparel from pawn, she laid out the whole m-erous routs, and her elegant taste in dress sum in a fashionable suit of laces; and next and fhruitulm. mhe is nearly related to some day borrowed of me a shilline to vpurchase a.,l' the best f-tmnilles in Enogland, and, it Inust nleck of ultton for her dinner.-She seerms,-,owned, mistress of many fine accomplish- Ito thinhk hier rarlik in ifb e-ntitles Iher to this ADVENTURES OF SIR LAUNCELOT GREAVES. 291 kind of assistance. She talks very pomp- steeled with rancour.' Woman,' said he, ously of her family and connections, by'these be hopeful babes, if they were duly whom, however, she has been long re- nurtured. Go thy ways in peace; I have nounced. She has no sympathy nor com- taken my resolution.' Her, friends mainpassion for the distresses of her fellow-crea- tained the family for some time; but it is tures; but she is perfbctly well bred; she not in human charity to persevere; some of bears a repulse the best of any woman I ever them died; some of them grew unfbrtunate; kneTw; and her temper has never been once some of them fell off; and now tle poor man ruffled since her arrival at the King's Bench. is reduced to the extremity of indigence, -She now entreated me to lend her half a from whence he has no prospect of being guinea, for which she said she had the most retrieved. The fourth part of what you pressing occasion, and promised upon her would have bestowed upon the lady, would honour it should be repaid to-morrow; but I make this man and his family sing w ith joy." lent a deaf ear to her request, and told her He had scarce pronounced these words, in plain terms that her honour was already when our hero desired the man migrht be bankrupt." called, and in a few minutes he entered the Sir Launcelot, thrusting his hand mechan- apartment with a low obeisance. "Mr ically into his pocket, pulled out a couple of Coleby," said the knight, " I have heard how guineas, and desired Felton to accommodate cruelly you have been used by your creditor, her withi that trifle in his own name; but he and beg you will accept this trifding present, declined the proposal, and refiused to touch if it can be of any service to you ill your disthe money. " God forbid," said he, " that I tress." So saying, lie put five guineas into should attempt to thwart your charitable in- his hand. The poor man was so confoutded tention; but this, my good sir, is no object- at such an unlooked for acquisitionr, that he she has many resources. Neither should stood motionless and silent, unable to thank we number the clamorous beggar among the donor; and Mr Felton conveyed him to those who really feel distress. He is gene- the door, observing that his heart was too rally gorged with bounty misapplied. The full for utterance. But in a little tirue, his liberal hand of charity should be extended to wife, bursting into the room with her five modest want, that pines in silence, encoun- children, looked around, and going tip to Sir tering cold, nakedness, and hunger, and Launcelot, without any direction, exclaimed, every species of distress. Here you may " —This is the angel sent by Providence to find the wretch of keen sensations blasted by succour me and my poor innocents." Then accident in the blossoms of his fortune, shiv- falling at his feet, she pressed his hand and ering in the solitary recess of indigence, dis- bathed it with her tears. He raised her up daining to beg, and even ashamed to let his with that complacency which was niatural to misery be known. Here you may see the his disposition. He kissed all her children, parent who has knovwn happier times, sur- who were remarkably handsome and neatly rounded by his tender off-pring, naked and kept, though in homely apparel: and, giving forlorn, demanding food, which his circum- her his direction, assured her she might alstances cannot afford. ways apply to him in her distress. " That man of decent appearance and After her departure, he produced a bankmelancholy aspect, who lifted his hat as you note of twenty pounds, and would have depassed him in the yard, is a person of un- posited it in the hands of Mr Felton, to be blemished character. I-Je was a reputable distributed in charities among the objects of tradesman in the city, and failed through the place; but he desired it miight be left inevitable losses. A commission of bank- with Mr Norton, who was the proper person ruptcy was taken out against him by his for managing his benevolence: and he prosole creditor, a quaker, who refised to sign mised to assist the deputy with his advie in his certificate. IEe has lived these three laying it out. years in prison, with a wife and five small children. In a little time after his commitment, he had friends who offered to pay ten CHI-APTER XXII. shillings in the pound of what he owed, and to give security for paying the remainder in In which Captain Crowe is sublimed mntto three years, by instalments. The honest the regions qf astrology. quaker did not charge the bankrupt with any dishonest practices; b-ut he rejected the pro- Ti-irEE whole days had our adventurer prou posal with the most mortifying indifference, secuted his inquiry about the amiable Aurelia, declaring that he did not want his money. whom he sought in every place of public and The mother repaired to his house, and kneel- of private entertainment or resort, without inog before him with her five lovely children, obtaining the least satisfactory intelligence, implored mercy with tears and exclamations. when he received, one evening, from the He stood this scene unmoved, and even hands of a poirter, who instantly vanishl.d, seemed to enjoy the prospect, wearincg the the following billet: looks of complacency, while his heart was "If you would learn the parltictlars Vtt 292 SMOLLETT'S SELECT WORKS. Miss Darnel's fate, fail not to be in the fields come and give him notice of his fate. Now by the Foundling hospital, precisely at seven he had an insuperable aversion to all correso'clock this eveuing, when you shall be met pondence with the dead and talking it for by a person who will give vou the satisfaction granted, that the spirit of his departed friend vou desire, together with his reason for ad- could not appear to himn except when he dr:essilg you in this inysterious manner." should be alone and a-bed in the dark, he Had this intimation concerned any other determined to pass the reinainder of the night subject, perhaps the klnihlit would have de- without going to bed. For this purpose, his liberated withi himself in what manner he first care was to visit the garret, in which siio ld talke a hint so dacikly communicated: Timothy Crabshawn lay fast asleep, snoriniy hbut his eagerness to retrieve the jewel he had with his mouth wide open. IJim the captain lost divested him of all his caution; the xwith difficulty roused, by dint of promising time of'asionation was already at hand, and to regale himi with a bowl of ruin punch in neither t'he captain nor his nephew could be the kitchen, whliere the fire, which had been foundl to accomtpany him, had he been dis- extinouished, was soon rekindled. The inposed to male use of their attendance. He g edients ee fetchleti frlom a public house tlerefore, aiter a moment's hesitation, re- in the neighbourloodd fior the captain was paired to the place appointed, in the utmost too proud to use his interest in the knil'ht's agitation and anxiety, lest tle hour should family, especially at these houis, when all be elapsed before his arrival. the rest of the servants had retired to their Crowe xxas one of those defective spirits repose; and he and Tiumothy drank together whlo cannot subsist for any length of tine on until day-break, the converisation turning their own bottoms. He wanted a familiar upon lobgoblins, and God's revewng e against prop. upon which hlie could disburden his mmurder. cares, his doubts, and his humours: an hum- The cook-maid lay iin a little apartment ble friend vho woulrld endure his capriices, contif'uoAus to the kitchen; and wahether disand with whomn he could communicate, free turbed by thlese lorrible tales of apparitiols, of all reserve and restraint. Thoug;h he or titilated byv the savory steams that issued loved his neplew's person, and admired his fiomn the pulllch-bowl, she made a virtue of ]1arts, le considereld ihim often as a little pet- necessitv or appetite, and dressing herself in uiant jackanapes, who presumed upon his the dark, suddenly appeared before thiem, to supe ior -understanding; and as for Sir Laun- the no small perturbation of btil. Timothy, celct, there was something in his charactcer in particular, was so startled, that, in his enthilat overawed the seaman, and kept him at dearours to malke a hasty retreat towards the a disagreeahle distance. He had, in this di- chiminey-corner, he overtur~ned the table; the lemrna, cast his eyes upon Timothy Crab- liquor was spilt, but the bowl was saved by sha-w, and admitted him to a considerable fallingo on a healp of ashes. Mrs Coolk having s!lare of familiarity and fellowship. These reprinmanded him for clis foolish afear, decomnpanions had been employed in smoking clared, she had got up betimes, in order to a s:cial pipe at an ale-house in the neigh- scour her sauce-pans; and the captain probourhod,xv when the knight made 1his excur- posed to have the bowl replenisihed, if matesion; and returninig to the house about sup- rials could be procured. This difficu!lt was per-time, found 5:Mr Clarke in waitingo. overcome by Crahshavw; and they sat down The youno lawyer was alarmed when he with their new associate to discuss the second hmeard the hour of ten, withlout seeing our edition. adveonturer, who had been used to be ex- The knight's sudden disappearing being t;remely regular in his economy; and the brought upon the carpet, their femnale comcaptain and he supped in profound silence. panion gave it as her opinionii, that nothing Findino, upon inquiry among the servants, would be so likely to brin2g this affair to light, theat the knight went out abruptly, in conse- as going to a cunningi man, whom she had cience of havino' received a billet, Tom be- lately consulted about a silver spoon that -ran to be visited with the apprehension of a was mislaid, and who told her all the things dlael, and sat the best part of the night by that she ever did, and ever would happen to his uncle, sweatingr with the expectation of her, through the whole course of her life. seeirnl our hero brouohlt home a breathless Her two companions pricked up their ears ceorl)se: but no tidin'os of him arriving, l1e, at this intellieience; and Crowve asked if the i ut txwo in the morning, repaired to his s)ioon had been foundl She answered in evre ilodging, resolved to publish a description the affirrnative, and said, the cunning man of Sir amLauncelot in the newspapers, if lie described to a hair the person that should shl,.o!d lnot appear next day. be her true lover, and her wedded husband: Crowe did not pass the tirne without unl- tnat he was a seafaring' man; that he was easiness. He was extremely concerned at pretty well stricken in vyears; a little passtifm thonlit of some mischief havinog befallen ionate or so; and that he wvent with his,lis i'iend and patron: antd he was terrified fino-iers clinched like, as it were. The cap-'with the apprehensions, that in case Sir tain began to sweat at this description, and launcelot was murdered, his spirit nmioht imnechianically thrust his hands into his pockl ADVENTURES OF SIR LAUNCELOT GREAVES. 293 ets; while Crabshaw, pointing to him, told captain insisted upon Crabshaw's making her he believed she had got the right sow by sail a-head, in order to look out afore; but the ear. Crowe grumbled, that maylhap for Timothy persisted in refusing this honour, all that he should not be brought up by such declaring, he did not pretend to lead, but he a grappling neither. Then he asiked if this would follow, as ii duty bound. The old cunning man dealt with the devil, declaring, gentlewoman abridged the ceremony, by in that case, he would keep clear of him; leading out Crabshaw with one hand, and for why I because he must have sold hims(elf lockigtur up Crowe with the other. to old Scriatch; and being a servant of the The former was draocred up stairs like a devil, how could he be a good suibject to his bear to the stai-e, nlot %wMitholt reluctance majesty? )'~rs Cook assured him, the con- and terror, whiclh ('id not alt abll ai hte at siCht jurer was a good Christian; and that lie of the conjuror, with wilomn lie was inmegained all liis knowledg e by conversing with diately shut up by his conductress, after she the stars ancd planets. Thus satisfied, the had told him, in a whisper, that he must detwo friends resolved to consult him as soon posit a shillino in a little black cotffin, supas it should be light; and being directed to ported by a hum-ian sl;ull acd thigh bones the plice of his habitation, qet out for it by crossed, on a stool covered with blacc baize, seven in the morlningu. that stood in one corner of the apartmelt. They found the house foirsaken, and had The squire having made this offering with already reached the end of the lane in their fear alnd tremblinu, ventured to survey t-he return, when they were accosted by an old objects around himi, which were very well woman, who gave them to understand, that, calculated to aucrnent his confusion. He if they had occasion for the advice of a saw divers skeletons hung by the head, the fortune-teller, as she did suppose they had, stuffed slkin of a young alligator, a calf with from their stopping at the house where two heads, and several snalkes suspended Dr Grubble lived, she would conduct them fiom the ceiling, wvith the jaws of a shark, to a person of much more eminence in that and a starved weasel. On ansother fiunertl profession: at the same time, she informed table he beheld two spheres, between which them that the said Grubble had been lately lay a book open, exhibiting outlandish clhasent to Bridewell; a circumstance which, rcters and mathoematicra l dia'rams. (in o!te with all his art, he had not been able to side stood an ilnk-standish with paper;' and foresee. The captain, without any scruple, be iindl this desk appeared the conjuror himlput himself and his companion undeir conrvoy self, in sable vestments, his head so c,to'of this beldame, who, through many wvind- sh-adowed with lhalt, that, f f fri oml conle:ings and turnings, brought them to the door plating his fe. tiiresi Timothy could 0distinof a ruinous house, standing, in a blind alley; o'uiish nothiino but a long white beard, -:,cc, which door having opened with a key drawn tor aught lie knew, might have belo ),:ed to from her pocket, she introduced themi into a a four-leecred coat, as well as to a twoparlour, where they saw no other firlniture le-ooed astroloc(er. than a naked bench, and some frightfill figures This a pparition, which the squire did not on the bare walls, drawn, or rather scrawled, eve withot manifet cliscomlpos ure, extendwith charcoal. ing a white anid, insade certain ev(olutioln s Here she left them locked in, until slhe over the head of nimothy, and havineg n-u-L should give the doctor notice of their a,-rival; tered an ejaculation, comlnmanlded h.,im, in a and they amused themselves with decipher- hollow tonie, to conie forward and declare ois ing these characters and hieroglyphics. The i nale. Crabshaw, thns adjtred, adti nc first firlire that enogaged their attention was to the altar, and, whetlier from desig-'i, or that of a man hanging upon a gibbet, which (which is mnore probable) fiom crn c-Iw ii:n, both considered as an unfavourable omen, answered,- -. Sam-lel Crowe." The co(Duand each endeavoured to avert firon his oaVn for, taking uo thre pen, and nalringi a few person. Crabshlaw observed, that the figure scratches on the paper, exclainmed, in terso suspended was clothed in a sailor's jachet rific accent, —" lowv,e miscrealnt! attel.npt to) and trowsers' a truth vlhich the captain impose )pon the stais? —vou look moloe lile could not deny; but, on the other hand, he a cirab than a ciroe, candl was ilorn cnder the affirmed, that the said fioii-e exhibited the sion of Cancrer." The squire, almost annivery nose and chin of Timothy, too ether hilated by this exclamation. fell11 on his wvith the hump on one shoulder. A warmn knees, cyirnc, —' I pray yaw, my lord condispute ensued, and, being maintained with jiurr's; olrsliip, pardon ny i iinoerlce, aind much acrimonious altercation, might hayve down't.ro to baind me over to tlhe Reid Sea dissolved the new-cemented fiiendship of like-T'se a poor Yorkshire tylke, and would those two origina1ls, had it not been inter- no more clheat the stars than I'd cheat my ripted by thie old sybil, who, coming into own vather, as the sayino is-a must be a the parilon:, intimated that the doctor waited good hand at trappi.g, that cathe- the for therm above; she likewise told them, that stars a naeppn-)i- but, as your honoelr's worhe never admrnitted more than one at a time. ship observed, my name is Tim Crabshiaw, This hint occasioned a fresh contest; the of the East Raiding, groom and squair to 70* 294 SMOLLETT'S SELECT WORKS. Sir Launcelot Greaves, baron knaight, and pear in the cart with a nosegay in one hand, arrant knaight, who ran mad for a wench, and the Whole Duty of Man in the other. as your worship's conjuration well knoweth. 6 But if in case it should be in the winter," The person below is Captain Crowe; and said the squire, " when a nosegay can't be we coomr, by Margery Cook's recommenda- had?" ".Why, then," replied the conjuror, tijn, to seek after my master, who is gone "an orange will do as well." awvay, or made away, the Lord knows how These maferial points being adjusted to and where." the entire satisfaction of Timothy, he deHere he was interrupted by the conjuror, dared he would bestow another shilling to who exhorted him to sit down and compose know the fortune of an old companion, who liimself till he should cast a figure; then he truly did not deserve so much at his hands, scrawled the paper, and, waving his wand, but he could not help loving him better than repeated abundance of gibberish concerning e'er a friend he had in the world. So saythle number, the names, the houses, and re- ing he dropped a third offering in the coffin, volutions of the planets, with their conjunc- and desired to know the fate of his horse tions, oppositions, signs, circles, cycles, trines, Gilbert. The astrologer having again conand trig'Ons. WVhen he perceived that this sulted his art, pronounced that Gilbert would artifice had its proper effect in disturbing die of the staggoers, and his carcass be given to the brain of Crabshaw, he proceeded to tell the hounds: a sentence which imade a much him fiom the stars that his name was Crab- deeper impression upon Crabshaw's mi nd, shaw, or Crabsclaw;v that he was born in the than did the prediction of his ownl untilmely East Riding of Yorkshire, of poor, yet honest and disgracceful fate. IHe shed a plenteous parents, and had some skill in horses; and shower of tears, and his grief broke forth in that lie served a gentleman whose name be- some passionate expressions of tenderness; gan with the letter G —, which gentleman at length he told the astrologer he would go had run mad for love, and left his family, but and send up the captain, who wanted to conwhether he would return alive or dead, the I suit him about Margery Cook, because as stars had cot Vet determined. how she had informed him that Dr Grubble Poor Timothy was thunderstruck to find had described just such another nman as the the conjurer acquainted with all these cir- captain for her true love; and he had na cumstances, and begged to know v if lie mought great steinmach to the match, if so be as the be so bauld as to ax a question or two about! stars were not bent upon their coming tolhis own fortune. The astrologer pointing to gether. tlhe little coffin, our squire understood the Accordingly, the squire, being dismissed hint, and deposited another shilling. The by the conjurer, descended to the parlour sage had recourse to his book, erected an- with a rueful length of face, which being othler scheme, performed once more his airy perceived by the captain, he demanded,evolutions with the wand, and, having recited " WVhat cheer, ho l'" with solme signs of apaniotler nmystical preamble, expounded the prehensionI. Crabshaw making no return to book of fate in these words:-" You shall this salute, he asked if the conjurer had neither die by war nor water, by hunger or taken all observation, and told him any thing. by thirst, nor be brought to the grave by old \ Then the other replied, he had told hilm more a.ge or distemper; but, let me see-ay, the than he desired to know. " lWhy, an that stars will have it so —you shall be-exalted- be the case," said the seaman, 1" I have no hah!'-ay, that is-hanged for horse-steal- occasion to go aloft this trip, brother." ing." "!0 good my lord conjurer I" roared This evasion would not serve his turn: the squire, "I'd as lief give forty shillings as old Tisiphone was at hand, and led him up be hanoged." "Peace, sirrah!" cried the growling into the hall of audience, wvlich he other, "would you contradict or reverse the did not examine xwithout trepidation. HavyimmllDutable decrees of fate?7 Hanging is your ing been directed to the coffin, where he destiny, and hanged you shall be-and com- presented half-a-crown, in hope of rendering fort yourself with the reflection, that as you the fates more propitious, the usual cereaim not the first, so neither will you be the mony was performed, and the doctor adlast, to swing on Tyburn tree." This com- dressed him in these words: —" Approach, frtable assurance composed the mind of raven." The captain advancing, —" You Timiothy, and in a great measure reconciled an't much mistaken, brother," said he, thim to the prediction. He now proceeded, " heave your eye into the binnacle, and box i:n a whining tone, to ask whether he should your compass, you'll find I'm a Crowe, not a suffer for the first factl whether it would raven, tho'f indeed they be both fowls of a be for a horse or a mare? and of' what co- feather, as the sayino is." " I knoow it," cried liutr that he might know when his hour the conjurer,'"thou art a northern crow,-a was come. The conjurer gravely answered, sea crow; not a crow of prey, but a crow to tnat he would steal a dappled gelding on a be preyed upon — a crow to be plucked,Wednesday, be cast at the Old Bailey on to be flayed, —to be basted,-to be broiled Thursday, and suffer on a Friday; and he by Margery upon the gridiron of matrimohtrenuously recommended it to him to ap- ny." —The novice changing colour at this ADVENTURES OF SIR LAUNCELOT GREAVES. 295 denunciation, —"I do understand your sig- the resentment, and in some measure mitinals, brother," said he,-" and if it be set gated tile grief of Captain Crowe, who took down in the log-book of fate that we must his leave without much ceremony: and, begrapple, why then'ware timbers. But as I ing joined by Crabshaw, proceeded with a know how the land lies, d'ye see, and the heavy heart to the house of Sir Launcelot, current of my inclination sets me off, I shall where they found the domestics at breakfast, haul up close to the wind, and mayhap we without exhibiting the least symptom of conshall clear Cape Margery. But, howsom- cern for their absent master. Crowe had ever, we shall leave that reef in the fore been wise enough to conceal fiom Crabshaw top-sail-I iwas bound upon another voyage, what he had learned of the knight's fate. d'ye see —to look and to see, and to know This fatal intelligence he reserved for the if so be as how I could pick up any intelli- ear of his nephew Mr Clarke, who did not gence along shore concerningo my friend Sir fail to attend him in the forenoon. Launcelot, wlho slipped his cable last nicght, As for the squire, he did nothing but rumiand has lost company, d'ye see." "W What!" nate in rueful silence upon the dappled geldexclaimed the cunning' man, " art thou a ing, the nosegay, and the predicted fate of crow, and canst not smell carrion? If thou Gilbert. Him he forthwith visited in the would'st grieve for Greaves, behold his stable, and saluted with the kiss of peace; nakled carcass lies unburied, to feed the kites,, then he bemoaned his fortune with tears, the crews, the gulls, the rooks, and ravens." and, by the sound of his own lamentation, "' What! broach'd to?" " Dead as a boiled was lulled asleep among the litter. lobster." " Odds heart, friend, these are the heaviest tidings I have heard these seven long years-there must have been deadly CHAPTER XXIII. odds when he lowered his topsails-Smite my eyes! I had rather the Mufti had foun- In which the clouds that cover the catastrodered at sea, with myself and all my genera- phe begin to disperse. tion on board. WVell fare thy soul, flower of the world! Had honest Sam Crowe been WE must now leave Captain Crowe and his within hail —but what signifies pa!avering." nephew Ikr Clarke, arguing with great veheHere the tears of unaffected sorrow flowed mence about the fatal intelligence obtained plentifully down the filrrows of the seaman's from the conjurer, and penetrate at once the cheeks; then his grief gciving way to his veil that concealed our hero. Know then, indignation," h:tark ve, brother conjurer," reader, that Sir Launcelot Grieaves, repairsaid lie, "yeou caen -py foul weather before ing to the place described in thle billet which it conies, damn your eyes! why did not you he had received, was accosted by a person give sacitv. hour, and yet be esteemed as an oracle. " D])a'n their geiltls!" cried the satirisr, The master of the house finding Sir "a pack of impertinent rascals! I will tell Launcelot so tame- and tractable, indulged you, sir, Ben Bulloclk and I had determined to him after dinner with a walk in a little pri- crush all that X'were not of our own party-hbevate garden, under the eye of a servant who sides, I said nefore, this piece was written in followed himrn at a distance. Here he was drink." "vas vo011 drunk too when it was saluted by a brother prisoner, a man seem- printed and published l" ". Yes, the printer ingly turned of thirty, tall and thin, with shall makle affidtvit that I was never otherstaring eyes, a hook-nose, and a face coy- wise than drunk or mautdlin, till my enen-ies, ered with pimiples. on pretence that iny bsrain Tvas tUrned(t, conThe usual compliments having passed, veyed me to tlhis infernal mansion." the stranger, without fiurther ceremony, "They seem to have been your best asked if lie would oblige himl with a chlew fiiends," said the kniot,a "and have put the of tobacco, or could spare him a mouthful most tendcer interpretation on your conduct; of any sort of cordial, declaring he had nbt for, wavino, the plea of insanity, yortr chatasted brandy since he came to the house. racter must stand as that of a man who hbath The knight assured him it was not in his somne small shllare of genius, without an power to comply wxith his request; and be- atom of inteo'rity. Of all those whoti-i Pope gan to task somie questions relating to the lashed in his Dunciad, there was not one character of their landlord, which the stran- who did not richly deserve the imputation ger represented in veryunfavourable colours. of dulness, and every one of tiem n ad proRe described him as a ruffian, capable of voked the satirist by a personal attack. 11n undertaking the dark'est schemes of villainy. this respect the EnPolish poet was nmuch He said his house was a repository of the more honest than his French patron Boilealu 5 F3' 298 SMOLLETT'S SELECT WTORKS. who stigmatized several men of acknow- be in reality so dangerous or dreadful as'a ledged genius; such as Quinault, Perrault, private madhouse in England, under the diand the celebrated Lully: for which reason rection of a ruffian? The Bastile is a state every man of a liberal turn must, in spite prison, the Inquisition is a spiritual tribunal; of all his poetical merit, despise him as a but both are under the direction of governrancorous knave. If this disingenuous con- ment. It seldom, if' ever, happens that a duct cannot be forgiven in a writer of his man entirely innocent is confined in either; superior genius, who will pardon it in you, or, if he should, he lays his account with a whose name is not halfe'-merged from ob- legal trial before established judges. But in scurity?" England, the most innocent person upon "Hark ye, friend," replied the bard, earth is liable to be immured for life under "keep your pardon and your counsel for the pretext of lunacy, sequestered from his thlose wvho ask it; or, if you will force them wife, children, and friends, robbed of his upon people, take one piece of advice in fortune, deprived even of necessaries, and return: if you don't like your present situ- subjected to the most brutal treatment from ation, apply for a committee without delay: a low-bred barbarian, who raises an ample they'll find you too niuch of a fool to have fortune on the misery of his fellow-creatures, the least tincture of madness: and you'll be and may, during his whole life, practise this released without further scruple; in that horrid oppression, without question or concase I shall rejoice in your deliverance; you troul." will be freed firom confinement, and I shall This uncomfortable reverie was interruptbe happily deprived of your conversation." ed by a very unexpected sound that seemed So saying, he flew off at a tangent, and to issue from the other side of a thick partyour knight could not help smiling at the pe- wall. It was a strain of vocal music, more culiar virulence of his disposition. Sir plaintive than the widowed turtle's moan, Launcelot then endeavoured to enter into more sweet and ravishing than Philoinel's conversation with his attendant, by askingr love-warbled song. Through his ear it inhow long Mr Distich had resided in the stantly pierced into his heart: for at once house; but he might as well have addressed he recognized it to be the voice of his adohimself to a Turkish mute: the fellow either red Aurelia. Heavens! what was the agipretended ignorance, or reftused an answer tation of his soul, when he made this discoto every question that was proposed. t-Ie very! how did every nerve quiver! hiow did wsould not even disclose the name of his his heart throb Nwith the most violent erolandlord, nor inform him whereabouts the tion! Hie ran round the room in distraction, house was situated. foamrnino likie a lion in the toil -tlhen he Finding himself agitated with impatience placed his ear close to the partition, and and indio-nation, he returned to his apart- listened as if his whole soulI wias eerted in ment, and the door being loclied upon him, his sense of hearing. W hen the sound began to review, not without horror, the ceased to vibrate on his ear, lie threw himparticulars of his fate. " How little reason," self on thle bed; he groaned with anguish, said he to himself, "have we to boast of he exclaimeld inbroken accents; and in all the blessings enjoyed by the British subject, probability his heart would have burst, had if' he holds them on such a precarious te- not the violence of his sorrow found vent in nure: if a man of rank and property mtay be a flood of tearls. thus kidnapped even in the capital; if he These first transports were succeeded by may be seized by ruffians, insulted, robbed, a fit of impatience, which had wiell nigh deand conveyed to such a prison as this, fiom prived himn of his senses in onod earnest. which there seerms to be no possibility of His surprise at findino' lis lost Aurelia in escape; should I be indulged with pen, ink, such a place, the seemniing ii-tlossibility of and paper, and appeal to mny relations, or to relieving her, anld his unspeaktbl!e eao'erness the magistrates of my country; my letters to contrive somne scheme f'or profi,,ing by wtounl be intercepted by those whlo super- the interesting; discoveryv he had made, coninrtend my confinement. Should I try to curred in brewing up a second ecstasy, duralarnl the neighbourhood, my cries would be inng which lie acted a thousand extirvaganneglected as those of some unhappy lunatic ces, which it was well for hinlm te attendants under necessary correction. Should I ern- did not observe. Perhaps it was well for -the ploy the force which Heaven has lent me, I servant that lie did not enter v.hile the paralight iinrue my hands in blood, and after oxvsm prevailed; had this been the c..se, he all find it impossileto escape throughanum- might have met with the fai-e of Lychas, ierof successive doors, locks, bolts, and sen- wthom Hercules in his fien'zv destroved. tinels. Should I endeavour to tamper with Before the cloth was laid for supper, he the servant, he might discover my desigcn, was calm enougth to conceal the disorder of and then I should be abridged of the little his mind; but he complained of th- headach, comfort I enjoy. People may inveigh against and desired he might be next dav visited by the Bastile in France, and the Inquisition in the physician, to whom he resolved to explain Portugal, but I wrould ask, if either of these himself in such a manner, as shoulld make ADVENTURES OF SIR LAUNCELOT GREAVES. 299 an impression upon him, provided he was terest himself in my case as a common connot altogether destitute of conscience and cern, and concur with all your power tohumanity. wards the punishment of those who dare commit such outrages against the liberty of your country." CHAPTER XXIV. The doctor seemed to be a little disconcerted; but, after some recollection, resumed The knot that puzzles human wisdom, the his air of sufficiency and importance, and hand of Fortuine sogmetintes will untie assured our adventurer he would do him all fanmiliar as her garter. the service in his power; but, in the mean time, advised him to take the potion he had BEWHEN the doctor made his next appearance prescribed. in Sir Launcelot's apartment, the knight The knight's eyes lightning with indignaaddressed him in these words.-" Sir, the tion, — I am now convinced," cried lhe practice of medicine is one of the most "that you are an accomplice in the villasikn honourable professions exercised among the which has been practised upon me; that you sons of men; a profession which hath been are a sordid wretch, without principle or revered at all periods, and in all nations, feeling, a disgrace to the faculty, and a reand even held sacred in the most polished proach to human nature-yes, sirrah, you ages of antiquity. The scope of it is to pre- are the most perfidious of all assassins-you serve the being, and confirm the health of are the hireling minister of the worst of all our fellow-creatures; of consequence, to sus- villains; who, from motives even baser than tain the blessings of society, and crown life malice, envy and revenge, rob the innocent with fruition. The character of a physician, of all the comfbrts of life, brand them with therefore, not only supposes natural sagacity, the imputatibn of madness, the most cruel and acquired erudition, but it also implies species of slander, and wantonly protrac; every delicacy of sentiment, every tender- their misery, by leaving them in the most ness of nature, and every virtue of humanity. shocking confinement, a prey to reflections That these qualities are centered in you, infinitely more bitter than death-but I will doctor, I would willingly believe; but it will be calm-do me justice at your peril. I debe sufficient for my purpose, that you are mand the protection of the legislature-if I possessed of common integrity. To whose am refused-remember a day of reckoning concern I am indebted for your visit you best will come-you and the rest of the miscreants know; but if you understand the art of me- who have combined against me, must, in dicine, you must be sensible by this time, order to cloak your treachery, have recourse that, with respect to me, your prescriptions to murder; an expedient which I believe you are altogether unnecessary-come, sir, you very capable of embracing, for a mnan of my cannot-you don't believe that my intellects rank and character cannot be much longer are disordered. Yet, granting me to be re- concealed. Tremble, caitiff, at the thoughts ally under the influence of that deplorable of my release in the mean time, begone, lest malady, no person has a right to treat me as my just resentment impel me to dash your a lunatic, or to sue out a commission, but brainus out upon that marble-away —my nearest kindred. That you may not The honest doctor was not so firmly perplead ignorance of my name and family, you suaded of' his patient's lunacy as to reject shall understand that I am Sir Launcelot his adsvice, whlich he made what haste he Greaves, of the county of York, baronet; could to follow, when an unexpected acciand that rmy nearest relation is Sir Reginald dent intervened. Meadows, of Cheshire, thie eldest son of my That this may be properly introduced, we mother's sister —that gentleman, I am sure, must return to the lnight's brace of trusty had no concern in seducing mne by false pre- friends, Captain Crowe and Lawyer Clarke, tences under the clouds of night into the whom we left in sorrowvful deliberation upor fields, where I was surprised, overpowered, the fate of theil patron. Clarkie's genius and kidnapped by a:rmed ruffians. lEad he being rather more fi'uitful in resources than ieally believed me insane, he would have that of the seamnan, he sugoested an adverproceeded according to the dictates of heon- tisement, which was accordingly inserted in our, humanity, and the laws of his country. the daily papers, importing, that.." Wihereas Situated as I am, I hlave a right, by making a gentleman of considerable I,nk and fortune application to the lord chancellor, to be tried had suddenly disappeared, on such a night, by a jury of holiest men. But of that right from his house near Golden-square, in con. I cannot avail myself, while I remain at the sequence of a letter delivered to him by a mercy of a brutal miscreant, in whose house porter; and there is great ieason to believe I am inclosed, unless you contribute your some violence hath been offered to his life, assistance. Your assistance, therefore, I de- any person capable of giving such informamnand, as you are a gentleman, a christian, tion as may tend to clear up this dark trans. and a fellow-subject, who, though every other action, shall, by applying to Mr Thomas motive should be overlooked, ought to in- Clarke, attorney, at his lodgings in Upper! 300 SMOLLETT'S SELECT WORKS. Brook-street, receive proper security for the of seizing him hy the collar, as lihe endeareward of one hundred guineas, to be paid voured to retreat; while the tender-hearted to him upon his making the discovery re- Tom Clarke, running up to the knight, with quired." his eyes brimfill of joy and affection, firgot The porter who delivered tile letter, ap- all the forms of distant respect, aLnd, throwpeared accordingly, but could give no other ing his arms around his neck, blubbered ill information, exceipt that it was put into his his bosom. hand with a shilling, by a man muffled up in Our hero did not receive this proof (f f is a great coat, who stopped him for the pur- attachnmenlt unmoved. Hfle stiralied hli in] pose, i~n his passing througni Queen-street. his embrace, hlonoured him- with tile title of It was necessany that the advertisement his deliverer, aid asked him by hliat mirlashould produce an eftlect upon another per- cle lie had diocoovered the llace of his conson, who was no othler than tile hackney- finemeiit.'he lawvyer began to unfold the coachman who drove our hero to the place various steps he ha d taklel with equal 11miof his ilnm)isonment. This fellow had been nuteness and self-comphlacenev, whlen Crowe, enjoined secrtecy, and indeed bribed to hold draggooing, the doctor still by the collar, shlook his tonio'ie, by a considerable gratification, his old friiend by the hand, protestill hlie was which, it was supposed, would have been never so oveIjo-ecd siice -le Pot clear of a effectuail, as the man Mwas a master coachman Sallee rover on the coast of Barbary; and in good circumll-lstarc, anld well kn.nown to that two glasses ago he would have started the keeper of tle madhllouse, by whom lie all the money he had in the world in the hold had been employed on formner occasions of of any man who would have shown Sir the sarme nature. Perhaps his fidelity to his Iauncelot safe at his moorinlgs. The knight, employer, reinforced by the hope of many Ihavini- made a proper retlurn to this sincer e future jobs of that kind, niozglt have been maniflestation of good will, desired him to proof against the offer of fifty pounds; but dismiss that wvorthle.ss fellow, meaninog the double that sun was a temnptation lie could doctor, who, findino himself released, wit!'not resist. Ife no sooner read the intimation dlrew with soi-ie precipitation. in tlhe Daily Advertiser, over his Imorning's Then oiur adventurer, attended by his pot at an alehonse, than lie entered into fiiends, walked with a deliberate pace to the consultation with his own thoughlts; and outward ate, which li he found open, and having no reason to doubt that thlis was the gettino into one if tbe coaches, was entervery fare he hiad conveyed, he resolved to tained by the way to his own house, vith a earn the reward, and abstain from all such detail of every nmasure which had been puradventures in tirme comi ii. He had the sued for his release. precautions, however, to take an attorney In phis own pa rlour he found Mrs Dolly alongr witlh him to Mir Clarkle, who entered Cowslip, who had been waiting with great into a conditional bond, and wish the assist- fear and imnipatience for the issue of i;Mr ance of his uncle, deposited the money, to Clarke's adventlire. Se now fell upon ier be forthcornin-v w- hen the conditions should knees, and bathed tohe knight's hands wiith be fulfilled. IThoese previous measures being tears of ioy': vlile the face of this youngr taken, the coactimlan declared what lie knew, woman, iecalling the idea of her mistres:', and discovered the hlouse in which Sir cLaun- roused hisi heart to strono emotions, and sticelot had lbeen illmlured. He moreov er ac- nmt!ated his mind to the immediate achievecomnpanied our two adherents to a judge s meiit he had already plannied. As for- ir chamber, lhere lie nade oathli to the trutlh Crabsl,-i, he wuas not thle last to signlr i is of his nifornrnation' and a wvarralct wa.s irnm- satisfctction at his Tiaster's return. After mediarely granted, to search the house of havin' lkissed the hem of' his garment, he Bernard Selactle, and set at liberty Sir auntin- retired to the stable. wihere he comnmunicated celot Greaves, if there found. these tidings to his friend Gilbert, whom he Fortified with this authlority, they enoaged saddled and bridled; the same office he pera constable, with a formidable posse, and formed for Bronzomarte; then putting on embarlilng thern in coacles, repaired, with his squire-like attire and accoutrements, he all possible expedition, to the house of liir mounted one, and led the other to the Shacksle, hvlo did not think proper to dispute Irnigrht's door, befbre which he paraded, uttheir claim, and admitted them, thoutilh not teringo, fronm time to time, repeated shouts withoJt betrayingo evident symptomis of con- to the no small entertainment of the popu. sternation. One of the servi-ats directing lace, until lie received orders to house his them, by his mnaster's ordler, to Sir Launce- companions. Tlhus commanded, lie led them lot's apartment, they hurried up stairs in a back to thieir stalls, resumed his livery, and body, occasioninic such a noise, as did not rejoined his fellow-servants, w1ho were refail to alarm the physician, who had just solved to celebrate the day with banquets opened the door to retire, r hen he perceived and reioicings. theirirruption. Captain Crowe, conjecturing Their master's heart was not sufficiently lie was go-iltv, firon the confusion that ap- at ease to share in their festivity. He held,eared in his cou-ntenance, made no scruple a consultation with his friends in the parlour ADVENTURES OF SIR LAUNCELOT GREAVES. 30'1 whom he acquainted with the reasons he the two relations. It was she, who, in the had to believe Miss Darnel was confined in course of conversation, perceiving that Authe same house whliCh had been his prison; relia was perfectly composed, declared the a circumstance which fillted tllemn with eql.ual happy tidings of her approaching deliverance. pleasuie and astonishment..Dolly, in par- W Fhen the other eagerly insisted upon knowticnlaci, weeping plentifilly, conjured him to ing' t.o whose humanity and address she was tdeliver hei' dear lady vithlout delay. Nothing indebted for this happy turn of fortune, her now remained but to concert the platn for cousin declared the obligation was due to a her deliverance. As Aurelia had informled young gentleman of Yorkshire, called Sir Dolly of her connexion with Mrs Kawdle, at Launcelot Greaves. At mention of that whose house she proposed to lodge, before name, her face was overspread with a crimnshe was overtaken on the road by her uncle, son glow, and her eyes beamned redoubled this particular was now imparted to the coun- splendour. —; Cousin," said she, with a sigh, cil, and struck a liglht; which seemed to point I know not what to say-that g'entlemanout the direct way to Mliss Darnel's enlarge- Sir Iaumncelot Greaves was surely bornmnent. Lord bless me! I tell vou cousin, he has Our hero, accompanied by Mrs Cowslip been my guardian antel." and Tom Clarke, set out immediately for the Mrs Kawdlle, who had maintained a correshouse of Dr Kawdle, w}ho happened to be pondence with her by letters, was no stranabroad, but his wife received theim with great gei to the former part of the connection courtesy. Slhe was a xwell-bred, sensible, subsisting between tlose two lovers, and had genteel woman, and strongly attached to always favoured the pretensions of our hero, Aurelia, by the ties of affection, as well as of wxvithout being acquainted with his person. consanguinity. She no sooner learned the She now observed, with a. smile, that as Ausituation of her cousin, than she expressed relia esteemed the knight he r guardian angel, tlhe most impatient conceru for her beino set and he adored her as a derni-deity, nature at liberty, and assured Sir Launcelot, she seemed to have intended them for each other; would concur in any scheme he should pro- for such stublimne ideas exalted them both pose for that purpose. There was no room above tIhe sphere of ord(inary mortals. She for hesitation or choice; he attended her then ventured to intimate that he was in the immediately to the judge, who, upon proper house, impatient to pay his respects in perapplication, issued another search-warrant son. At this declaration the colour vanished for Aureiia Darnel. The constable and his from her cheejks, which, however, soon unposse were again retained, and Sir Launcelot derwent a total sufllusion. Her heart panted, Greaves once imore crossed the threshold of her bosom heaved, and her gentle frame was Mr Bernard Shackle. Nor was the search- agitated by transports rather violent than warrant the only implemnent of justice with unpleasing. She soon, however, recollected which he had furnished himself for his visit. herself, and her native serenity returned; In going thither, they agreed upon the me- wxhen, risino fornom her seat, she declared thod in which they should introduce them- she would see him in the next apartment, selves gradually to liss Darnel, that her where he stood in the most tumultuous sustender nature might not be too much shocked pense, waitinio for permnission to approach by their sudden appearance. her person. Here she broke in upon him, When'they arrived at the house, therefore, arrayed in an elegoant white unldress, the and produced their credentials, in conse- emblem of her purity, beaming forth the quence of which a female attendant was di- emanations of amazing beauty, warmed and rected to show the lady's apartment, Mrs improved with a grlow of gratitude and affecDolly first entered thie chamber of the ac- tion. l-1is heart was too bing for utterance; complished Aurelia, who, lifting up her eyes, he ran towards her with rapture, and throwscreamed aloud, and flew into the arms of ing himself at her feet, imprinted a most.her faithful Cowslip. Some minutes elapsed respectful kiss on her lily hand. "This, before Dolly could make shift to exclaim,- divine Aurelia," cried he, "is a foretaste of "am coom to live and daai with my beloved that inefflcble bliss which you nwas born to leady!" "Dear Dolly!" cried her mistress, bestow!-Do I thren live to see you smile'"I cannot express the pleasure I have in again'! to see you restored to liberty, your seeing. you again —good Ileaven! what soli- mind at ease, and Vour lealth irimaire'd 3" tarv hours of keen affliction have I passed "You' have livel," said sIn, e' to see nry since we partel!-but, tell me, how did you oblioations to Sir Launcelot Grteaves accudiscover the place of my retreat? —has my mulated in sucl! a manner, that a whole life uncle relented?-do I owe your coming to spent in acnlnovled'oenent, will searce suffice his indulgence 3" to enimonstrate a diue sense of his _ioodness." Dolly answered iu the negative; and, by " You grieatly overr3.te my services, which degrees gave her to understand, that her have been ratlher the duties of common hucousin, Mrs Kawdle was in the next room: manity, than the effr'ts of a oenerous passthat lady immediately appeared, and a very ion, too noble to be this evinced; —but let tender scene of recognition passed between not my unseasonable transports detain you a 71 302 SMOLLETT'S SELECT WORKS. moment longer on this detested scene-give him to the slender chance of being one day me leave to hand you into the coach, and comforted by the dram-bottle; but resolved, commit you to to the care of this good lady, if possible, to set on foot an accurate inquiry attended by this honest young gentleman, into the economy and transactions of this priwho is my particular friend." So saying, vate inquisition, that ample justice might be he presented Mr Thomas Clarke, who had done in favour of every injured individual the honour to salute the fair hand of the ever confined within its walls. amiable Aurelia. In the afternoon he did not fail to visit his The ladies being safely coached under the Aurelia; and all the protestations of their escort of the lawyer, Sir Launrcelot assured mutual passion were once more interchanged. thiem he should wait on them in the evening He now produced the letter which had caused at the house of Dr Kawdle, whither they im- such fatal disquiet in his bosom; and Miss mediately directed their course. Our hero, Darnel no sooner eyed the paper, than she who remained with the constable and his recollected it was a forlmal dismission, which gang, inquired for MAr Bernard Shackle, upon she had intended and directed for Mr Sycawhose person he intended to serve a writ of more. This the uncle had intercepted, and conspiracy, over and above a prosecution for cunningly inclosed in another cover, addressrobbery, in consequence of his having disen- ed to Sir Launcelot Greaves, who was now cumbered the knight of his money and other astonished beyond measure to see the myseffects, on the first night of his confinement. tery so easily unfolded. The joy that now Mr Shackle had discretion enough to avoid diffused itself in the hearts of our lovers is this encounter, and even to anticipate the more easily conceived than described; but, indictment fbr felony, by directing one of his in order to give a stability to this mutual servants to restore the cash and papers, satisfaction, it was necessary that Aurelia which our adventurer accordingly received should be secured fiom the tyranny of her before he quitted the house. uncle, whose power of guardianship would In the prosecution of his search after not otherwise expire for some months. Shackle, he chanced to enter the chamber Dr Kawdle and his lady having entered of the bard, whom he found in dishabille, into their deliberations on this silubject, it writing at a table, with a bandage over one was agreed that AMiss Darnel should have reeye, and his head covered with a night-cap course to the protection of the lord chancelof baize. The hnight, havino- made an apo- lor; but such application was rendered unlogy for this intrusion, desired to know if he necessary by the unexpected arrival of John could be of any service to Mr Distich, as 1he Clump, with the following letter to Mrs was now at liberty to use the little influence Kawdie from the steward of Anthony Darhe had for the relief of his fellow-sufferers. nel, dated at Aureiia's house in the country: The poet having eyed him fior some time "MADAM,V, askance, " I told you," said he, " your stay "It has pleased God to afflict }Mr Darnel in this place would be of short duration. I with a severe stroke of the dead palsy. He have sustained a small disaster on my left was taken ill yesterday, and now lies ineye, from the hands of a rascally cordwailler, sensible, seermingly at the point of death. who pretends to believe himself the king of Among the papers ill his pocket I fouind the Prussia, and I am now in the very act of' inclosed, by which it appeared that my galling his majesty with keen iambics. If honoured young lady, Miss Darnel, is conyou can help nie to a roll of tobacco and a fined in a private -nahouse. I am afraid bottle of geneva, so; —if yvou are not so in- Mr Darnel's fate is a just judgment of God cliined, your humble servant, I shall share in upon him fir his cruelty to that excellent the joy of your deliverance." person. I need not exhort you, madam, to The knight declined gratifying him in take, immediately upon the receipt of this, these particulars, which he apprehended such measures as will be necessary for the might be prejudicial to his health, but offered enlargement of my poor young lady. In the his assistance in redressing his grievances, mean time, I shall do the needful for the provided he laboured under any cruel treat- preservation of her property in this place, ment or inconvenience. " I comprehend the and send you an account of any further alter1full extent of your generosity," replied the ation that may happe.n; being very respectsatirist; " you are willing to assist me in fully, madaim, your most obediert humble every thing, except the only circumstance in servant, RALPmI MATTOCKS." which assistance is required-God b'w'ye- Clumnp had posted up to London with this if vyo see Ben Bullock, tell him I wish he intimation on the wings of love, and being would not dedicate any more of his works to covered waith clay from the heels to the eyes me. Damn the fellow, ie ]has cilaneied his upwards, lie appeared in such an unlfavournote, anld beois, to snivel. For my part, I able lirlht at Dr F(a.wdile's door, that the stick to mrv frnamer l:iaxim, defy all the world, footman refrlsed him admittance. Nevermtnd wi'll die hatid, even if dealth should be theless, he p ushed him aside, and fought his oreceded bv damnation." way up stairs into the dining-room, where The Tknight, findi n himn incorrigible, left the company was not a little astonished at ADVEINTURES OF SIR LAUTNCELOT GREAVES. 303 such an apparition. The fellow hirnselfwvas Dawdle, who, by this contrivance, had reno less amazed at seeingl Aurelia and his conciled himself to his patron, after hasino own sweetheaLrt Mrs Dolly Cowslip. I-e deserted him in the day of battle. Our hero forthwith fell upon his knees, and in silence was so incensed at this discovery of Sycaheld out the letter, whicle w'as taken by the rnore's treachery and ingratitulde, tlat h1e doctor, and presented to h.bis wife, accordingI went in quest of him iimediately, to tal. to the direction. She did not fail to corn- venoeance on his person, acconipniied by municate the contents, which were fItr fiom Captain Crowe, who wanted to balance acbeing unwelcome to the individuals who counts with Mr Dawdle. But tlihse genn composed this little society. 2Mr Clhump tletnen had wisely avoided the impending was honoured witi the aiprlobation of his storm, by retiring to the continent, on preyoung lady, who comlrnde:sted him for his tence of travelling fbor improvement. zeal and expedition: bestowed upon him a Sir Launcelot was not now so much of a handsome gratuity in the meani tiine, and de- 1lniflht-errart as to leave Aurelia to the care sired to see himn agtin when he should be of Providence, a.nd pursue the traitors to thle properly refreshed after the fatiglte he had farthest extreuinities of the earth. lie pracundergone. tised a much more easy, certain, and efFecMr Thomas Clarke beino consulted on this tual method of revenge, by instituting a prooccasion, gave it as his opinion, that MIiss cess a-ainst them, which, after awrits of Darnel st oiul, without delay, choose an- capt.as, alicas, et plumries, had been repeated, other ounardian for thie few nlonthls that re- subjected them both to outlawry. Mr Svcamasined of her minority. The opinion was more and his fiiend being thus deprived of confirmed by toie advice of some eninent the benefit of the'naw, by their own neglect, lawyers, to whorn immnediate recourse was would likewvise have forfeited their goods had; and Dr Karddle beinig the person pitch- and clhattels to the kino, had tuhey not made ed upon fo(r that office, the necessary forms such sulbmissions lls appeased the wrath of -were executed with all possible dispatch. Sir Launcelot and (aptain Crowe; then they The first use the doctor nmade of his guar- ventured to returnl, and by dint of interest dianship, was to sign a power, constituting obtained a reversal of the outlawry. B it Mr aRlph In fattoccks his attorney,' o tem-rn this grace they did not enjoy till long after our pore, for nanag-inZo the estate of Mliss Aure- adventurer was happily established in lifb. lia Dariel; and this was forwarded to the While the knight waited impatiently for steward by tle lhaiil of Clumnp, who set out the expiration of Aurelia's minority, a:d in with it for the seat of Darnei-hill, though the mean time consoled himself witht the not without a heavy heart, occasioned by inmperfect happiness arising from her conversome intimation he had received concerning sation, arnd those indulgences which the most the connection between his edear Dolly and ullblenlislhed virtue could bestow, Captain 1Mr Clarke the lawyer. Crowe projected another plan of vengeance against the conjuror, whose lying oracles had cost him such a world of vexation. The CHAPTER THE LAST. truth is, the captain began to be tired of idleness, and undertook this adventure to Whlich, it is hoped, wizll ie, on more ac- keep his hand in use. He imaparted his deCOunts t'heoz otne, agr'eeable to the reader. sign to Crabshaw, who had likewise suiffered in spirit from the predictions of the said SIR LAUNCzLOT, having vindicated the li- offender, and was extremely well disposed berty, coilfiarmed the safety, and secured the to assist in punishino the fialse prophet. 1-te heart of his chiarmting Aurelia, nov fortund now took it for granted that lie shouild not leisure to unravel the conspiracy which had be hangetd for stealing a horse; and thought been executed against his person; and with it very hard to pay so much money for a. that view commenced a law-suit against the deceitful prophecy, which, in all likelihood, owner of the house where he and his mis- would never be fufilled. tress had been separately confined. Mr Actuated by these motives, they set out Shacmkle was, notwithstanding all the sub- together for the house of consultation; bit missions and atonement which he offered to they found it shut up and abandoned; and, mace, either inl private or in public, indicted upon inquiry in the neighbonurhood, learned on the statute of kidnapping, tried, convict- that the conjuror had moved his quarters that ed, punished by a severe fine, and standing very day on which the captain had recourse in the pillory. A judicial writ ad inqutiren- to his art. This was actually the case: he dune being executted, tlhe prisons of' his in- knew the fate cf Sir ITauncelot would soon ol:isition were laid open, and several inno- come to light, and he did not choose to wait cent captives enlarged. the consequence. tHe tlad other motives for In the course of Shackle's trial, it appear- decanmping: he had run a score at the puolic ed that the knighltt's cofirnement was a honse, which he hail nio minu to disclharoe schenme executed by his rival Mr Sycainore, and w;antecl to disenontae himself fiom his accordincg to the device of his counselior female associate, whvlo knew too much of' lhis 304 SMLtSOLLETT'S SELECT WOiRKS. nal.l.s to be kept at a proper distance. All of t1le emlpirical politician Ferret, who had these purposes he had answered by retrieat- I)layed our hiero such a slippery trick after ing softly, without beat of druom, w-hile his the electionering adventure. s,,ij_ was abroad runnino down a rey fIr his "I perceive,' said h}e. " you are preparing cIevouring. HIe had not, howeve. r, taken his to expos,t'date,. altd upbraid nme with having lleasureseso cunnigly, but that this old ha; givn a tilse intfblrntion augainst you to the discovered his new lodgiinrs, and, in revenge, coultrv justice. I look upon inanlind to be gave inforration to the publican. Tiis cre- in a s-tate of niure, a truth whiclh Hobbes iath ditor took out a writ accordinoly, and the stumbled upon by accident. I think every baili? lhlad just secured his pelrson as Captain man has a rigi}t to avail himself of his talents, Cronw-e and Timrothy Crab-h!taw charlced to e enr at thle expense of is ifellow-creatures pass by the door in their way homexvards, just as we see the fislh, and other animals through an obscure street near the Seven of the creation, devouringg one another. I Ditals. -found the justice but one degree removed The conjuror lhaving no subterfuge left, f'aom idiotism, and knowing that he would but a great many particullar reasons for avoid- conimmit so mle blunder in the execution of his ing an explanation with the justice, like the office, which would lay hiim at your mercy, mran between the devil and the deep sea, of I contrived to mal e hi}s folly the instrumeniit two.evils chose the least; and boIckoning to of my escape —l a7S dismn-issed without be.the captain, called him by his name. Crowe, ing obliged to si2n t'he information I had thus addressed, replied with a "hilloah!" given; and you took ample vengeance foi and looking towards the place fiom whence his tyvanny and impertinence. I came to he was hailed, at once recognized the ne- London, where my circumstances obliged cromancer. Without firther hesitation he me to live in disuoise. In the character of sprangl across the street, and collaring Albu- a conjuror I was consulted by your follower mnazar, exclaimed, "Ahba! old boy. is the Crowe, and your squire Crabshawv. I did wind inl that corner? I thought we should little or nothing but echo back the inteiligrapple one day-now will I briny you up gence they brougtht me, except prognostiby tile head, though all the devils in hell catinl;, that Crabshaw would be hanged; a, were blowing abaft the beam." prediction to which I fo~und myself so irreTIle bailiff seeing his prisoner so roughly sistibly impelled, that I am persuaded it was handled before, and at the same time assault- the real effect of- inspiration. I am now ed behind by Crabshaw, who cried, " Show arrested for a paltry sum of money, anid, nm a lar, and I'll show you a thief- who is moreover, liable to be sent to Bridewell as to b1e hlnged now " I say, the bailiff, fear- an imposter-let those answer for my coninc lie woulld lose the benefit of his job, be- duct whose cruelty and insolence have drigani to put on his contentious Face, and, de- ven nce to the necessity of using such subclatrn;1 the doctor was his prisoner, swore terfilges-I have been oppressed and perselhe could not surrender him withont a war- cuted by tl:e government fbr speakino truthrnt fri-om the iord-clief-justice. The whole your omninipotent laws hLave reconciled congreoup adjourning into the parlour, the con- tradictionis. That which is acknowledged ui1,ro desired to kniow of Crowe whether to be truth in fitct, is construed falsehood in Sir Laulncelot was found. Beino answered, law; and "'reat reason we have to boast of a "Ey. ey, safe enough to see you made fast constitutioii ounrded on the basis of absurin tie bilboes, brother;" hie told the captain dity. But, wayvico these remarks, I own I lhe l-.ad something of consequence to commu- aln unvilliuno to be either imprisoned for nicate fbr his advantage; and plirposedl that debt, or p)luished for imposture-l- know Cron:we and Crabshaw should bail the action, how fiar to dlepend upon goenerosity, and what Vhich lay only for a debt of three pounds. is called i x-evoleice' words to armuse the Co-owTe stormled and Crabshaw grinned at weak-minded —I build upon a surer bottomthis modest proposal' bult when thev under- I will barnoi n for your assistanee —it is in stood that they coould only be bound! for his my power to put twelve thousand pounds in' appearance, anild refectedl that they need not the pocket uP: tllo0ue l Cronwe, that t here seapart with him unrtil his to(l;, should be sur- ruffian, wh}o by his good will would hang me rendered unto justice, they conseaited to give to thle vard's arm-'" bail and the bond beinm' extcute dl, connveyed Tl'helre he was interrupted by the seaman. him directly to the ollseS of' our adventurer. Dalln youlr rat's eyes! none of your-'iThe boisterous Crowe inltrodtceed him to hang thee!'ish Iny topalasts! if the rope Sir L auncelot wvith sltch an'abrupt uncon- was fiirly reeved, and the tackle sound, (i'e nected detail of his offencee, as the knight see-" AMr Clark1e, who was present, began could not understand without'T'imothy's an- to stare, while the kniglIt assured Ferret, notations. These were fillowed by some that, if he wvas really able and willing to,luestions put to the conjuror, who, laying serve Captain Crowe in any thing essential, aside his black gown, anc pluckinlg off' his lie should be amnply rewarded. In the mean white beard, exhibited, to the astonished time he discharged the debt, and assigned spectators, the very individual countenance hina an apartment in his own house. Thatm ADVENTURES OF SIR LAUNCELOT GREAVES. 305 same day Crowe, by the advice of Sir Laun- ger in its lapse, till the knight was inflamed celot and his nephew, entered into condi- to the most eager degree of impatience. He tional articles with the cynic, to allow him communicated his distress to Aurelia; he the interest of fifteen hundred pounds for pressed her with the most pathetic remonlife, provided by his means the captain should strances to abridge the torture of his susobtain possession of the estate of Hobby-hole pense. He interested Mrs Kawdle in his in Yorkshire, which had belonged to his behalf, and at length his importunity sucgorandfather, and of which he was heir of ceeded. The banns of marriage were regblood. ularly published, and the ceremony was perThis bond being executed, Mr Ferret dis- formed in the parish church, in the presence covered that he himself was the lawful hus- of Dr Kawdle and his lady, Captain Crowe, band of Bridget Maple, aunt to Samuel Lawyer Clarke, and Mrs Dolly Cowslip. Crowe, by a clandestine marriage; which, The bride, instead of being disguised in however, he convinced them he could prove tawdry stuffs of gold or silver, and sweating by undeniable evidence. This being the case, under a harness of diamonds, according to she, the said Bridget Maple, alias Ferret, the elegant taste of the times, appeared in a was a covert femme, consequently could negligee of plain blue satin, without any not transact any deed of alienation without other jewels than her eyes, which far outhis concurrence; ergo, the docking of the shone all that ever was produced by the entail of the estate of' Hobby-hole was illegal mines of Golconda. Her hair had no other and of none effect. This was a very agree- extraneous ornament than a small sprig of able declaration to the whole company, who artificial roses; but the dignity of her air, did not fail to congratulate Captain Crowe the elegance of her shape, the sweetness and on the prospect of his being restored to his sensibility of her countenance, added to such inheritance. Tom Clarke in particular pro- warmth of colouring, and such exquisite tested, with tears in his eyes, that it gave symmetry of features as could not be exhim unspeakable joy; and his tears trickled celled by human nature, attracted the eyes the faster, when Crowe, with an arch look, and excited the admiration of all the signified that now he was pretty well vic- beholders. The effect they produced in tualled for life, he had some thoughts of em- the heart of Sir Launcelot, was such a barking on the voyage of matrimony. rapture as we cannot pretend to describe. But that point of happiness to which, as He made his appearance on this occasion in the north pole, the course of these adven- a white coat and blue satin vest, both emtures had been invariably directed, was still broidered with silver; and all who saw him unattained; we mean, the indissoluble union could not but own that he alone seemed worof the accomplished Sir Launcelot Greaves thy to possess the lady whom Heaven had and the enchanting Miss Darnel. Our hero destined for his consort. Captain Crowe now discovered in his mistress a thousand had taken off a blue suit of clothes strongly charms, which hitherto he had no opportu- guarded with bars of broad gold lace, in oraity to contemplate. He found her beauty der to honour the nuptials of his friend: he excelled by her good sense, and her virtue wore upon his head a bag-wig a la pigeon, superior to both. He found her untainted by made by an old acquaintance in Wapping; that giddiness, vanity, and affectation, which and to his side he had girded a huge plate-hilt. distinguish the fashionable females of the ed sword, which he had bought of a recruiting present age; he found her uninfected by the serjeant. Mr Clarke was dressed in pomrage for diversion and dissipation; for noise, padour, with gold buttons; and his lovely tumult, gewgaws, glitter and extravagance: Dolly in a smart checked lustring', a present he found her not only raised by understand- from her mistress. ing and taste far above the amusement of The whole company dined, by invitation, little vulgar minds, but even exalted by un- at the house of Dr Kawdle; and here it was common genius and refined reflection, so as that the most deserving lovers on the face to relish the more sublime enjoyments of ra- of the earth attained to the consummation tional pleasure; he found her possessed of of all earthly felicity. The captain and his that vigour of mind which constitutes true nephew had a hint to retire in due time. fortitude, and vindicates the empire of reason; Mrs Kawdle conducted the amiable Aurelia, he found her heart incapable of disguise or trembling, to the marriage bed; our hero, dissimulation; frank, generous, and open; glowing with a bridegroom's ardour, claimed susceptible of the most tender impressions; the husband's privilege. Hymen lighted up glowing with a keen sense of honour, and his brightest torch at Virtue's lamp, and melting with humanity. A youth of his every star shed its happiest influence on sensibility could not fail of beino deeply af- their heaven-directed union. fected by such attractions. The nearer he Instructions had been already dispatched approached the centre of happiness, the to prepare Greavesbury-hail for the recep. more did the velocity of his passion increase. tion of its new mistress; and for that place Her uncle still remained insensible as it were the new-married couple set out next morn. in the arms of death. Time seemed to lin- ing, accord no to the plan which had been.5 G* 71* 1306 SMOLLETT'S SELECT WORKS. previously concerted. Sir Launcelot and world must approve, you can boast ofvirtue, Lady Greaves, accompanied by Mrs Kaw- fidelity, and friendship. Your attachment to die, and attended by Dolly, travelled in their Lady Greaves neither she nor I shall ever own coach, drawn by six dappled horses. forget. If you are willing to unite your fate Dr Kawdle, with Captain Crowe, occupied with Mr Clarke, your mistress gives me the doctor's post-chariot, provided with four leave to assure you she will stock your farm bays; Mr Clarke had the honour to bestride at her own expense, and we will celebrate 1he loins of Bronzomarte; Mr Ferret was the wedding at Greavesbury-hall." mounted upon an old hunter; Crabshaw By this time the hearts of these grateful stuck close to his friend Gilbert; and two lovers had overflowed. Dolly was sitting other horsemen completed the retinue. on her knees, bathing her lady's hand with There was not an aching heart in the whole her tears; and Mr Clarke appeared in the cavalcade, except that of the young lawyer, same attitude by Sir Launcelot. The uncle, which was by turns invaded with hot desires almost as much affected as the nephew by and chilling scruples. Though he was fond the generosity of our adventurer, cried aloud, of Dolly to distraction, his regard to worldly — " I pray God that you and your glorious reputation, and his attention to worldly in- consort may have smooth seas and gentle terest, were continually raising up bars to gales whithersoever you are bound —as for a legal gratification of his love. His pride my kinsman Tom, I'll give him a thousand was startled at the thought of marrying the pounds to set him fairly afloat; and if he daughter of a poor country publican; and he prove not a faithful tender to you his benemoreover dreaded the resentment of his factor, I hope he will founder in this world, uncle Crowe, should he take any step of this and be damned in that which is to come.' nature without his concurrence. Many a Nothing now was wanting to the completio wishful look did he cast at Dolly, the tears of their happiness but the consent of Dolly's standing in his eyes, and many a woful sigh mother at the Black Lion, who they did not did he utter. suppose could have any objection to such an Lady Greaves immediately perceived the advantageous match for her daughter; but situation of his heart, and, by questioning in this particular they were mistaken. Mrs Cowslip, discovered a mutual passion In the mean time they arrived at the vilbetween these lovers. She consulted her dear lage where the knight had exercised the duknight on the subject, and he catechised the ties of chivalry, and there he received the lawyer, who pleaded guilty. The captain gratulation of Mr Fillet and the attorney being sounded as.o his opinion, declared he who had offered to bail him before Justice would be steered in that, as well as every Gobble. Mutual civilities having passed, other ccorse of life, by Sir Launcelot and they gave him to understand that Gobble and his lady, whom he verily revered as beings his wife were turned methodists. All the of an order superior to the ordinary race of rest of the prisoners whom he had delivered mankind. This favourable response being came to testify their gratitude, and were obtained from the sailor, our hero took an hospitably entertained. Next day they haltopportunity on the road, one day after din- ed at the Black Lion, where the good woman ner, in presence of the whole company, to was overjoyed to see Dolly so happily preaccost the lawyer in these words:-" My ferred: but when Sir Launcelot unfolded the good friend Clarke, I have your happiness proposed marriage, she interrupted him with very much at heart-your father was an a scream —" Christ Jesus forbid —marry and honest man, to whom my family had mani- amen! —match with her own brother!" fold obligations. I have had these many At this exclamation Dolly fainted: her years a personal regard for yourself, derived lover stood with his ears erect, and his from your own integrity of heart and good- mouth wide open; Crowe stared, while the ness of disposition —I see you are affected, knight and his lady expressed equal surprise and shall be brief. —Besides this regard, I and concern. CWhen Sir Launcelot entreated am indebted to your friendship for the liberty Mrs Cowslip to explain this mystery, she — what shall I say? —for the inestimable told him, that about sixteen years ago, Mr happiness I now enjoy, in possessing the Clarke senior had brought Dolly, then an nost excellent-but I understand that sig- infant, to her house, when she and her late nificant glance of my Aurelia —I will not husband lived in another part of the counoffend her delicacy-the truth is, my obli- try: and as she had then been lately delivergation is very great, and it is time I should ed of a child which did not live, he hired her Evince my gratitude —if the stewardship of as a nurse to the little foundling. Ile owned:ny estate is worth your acceptance, you shall she was a love-begotten babe, and from time have it immediately, together with the house to time paid handsomely for the board of and farm of Cockerton in my neighbourhood. Dolly, who he desired might pass for her own 1 know you have a passion for Mrs Dolly, daughter. In his last illness, he assured her and believe she looks upon you with the eyes he had taken care to provide for the child;.f tender prepossession-don't blush Dolly- but since his death she had received no acDtesides your agreeable person, which all the count of any such provision. She moreover ADVENTURES OF SIR LAUNCELOT GREAVES. 307 informed his honour, that Mr Clarke had different kinds, ranged under a great variety deposited in her hands a diamond ring, and of flags and ensigns; and the women, as a sealed paper, never to be opened without well as the men, bedizened with fancy-knots his order, until Dolly should be demanded in and marriage favours. At the end of the marriage by the man she should like, and not avenue, a select bevy of comely virgins arraythen, except in the presence of the clergy- ed in white, and a separate band of choice man of the parish. "Send for the clergyman youths, distinguished by garlands of laurel this instant," cried our hero, reddening, and and holly interweaved, fell into the processfixing his eyes on Dolly, "I hope all will ion, and sung in chorus a rustic epithala. yet be well." mium composed by the curate. At the gate The vicar arriving, and being made ac- they were received by the venerable housequainted with the nature of the case, the keeper, Mrs Oakley, whose features were so landlady produced the paper; which being brightened by the occasion, that with the opened, appeared to be an authentic certifi- first glance she made a conquest of the heart cate, that the person commonly known by of Captain Crowe: and this connection was the name of Dorothy Cowslip, was in fact improved afterwards into a legal conjuncDorothea Greaves, daughter of Jonathan tion. Greaves, Esq. by a young gentlewoman who Meanwhile the house of Greavesbury-hall had been some years deceased. and Darnel-hill were set open for the enter"The remaining part of the mystery I tainment of all comers, and both echoed myself can unfold," exclaimed the knight, with the sounds of festivity. After the cerewhile he ran and embraced the astonished mony of giving and receiving visits had been Dolly as his kinswoman. " Jonathan Greaves performed by Sir Launcelot Greaves and his was my uncle, and died before he came of lady, Mr Clarke was honoured with the hand age, so that he could make no settlement on of the agreeable MIiss Dolly Greaves; and his child, the fruit of a private amour found- the captain was put in possession of his ed on a promise of marriage, of which this paternal estate. The perfect and uninterring was a token. Mr Clarke, being his rupted felicity of the knight and his endearconfidant, disposed of the child, and at length ing consort diffused itself through the whole finding his constitution decay, revealed the adjacent country as far as their example and secret to my father, who in his will bequeath- influence could extend. They were admired, ed one hundred pounds a-year to this agree- esteemed, and applauded, by every person of' able foundling; but as they both died while taste, sentiment, and benevolence; at the I was abroad, and some of the mernoran- same time beloved, revered, and almost adordums touching this transaction probably were ed, by the common people, among whom they mislaid, I never till now could discover suffered not the merciless hand of indigence where or how my pretty cousin was situated. or misery to seize one single sacrifice. I shall recompense the good woman for her Ferret at first seemed to enjoy his easy care and fidelity, and take pleasure in bring- circumstances, but the novelty of this situing this affair to a happy issue. ation soon wore off, and all his misanthropy The lovers were now overwhelmed with returned. He could not bear to see his feltransports of joy and gratitude, and every low-creatures happy around him; and signicountenance was lighted up with satisfac- fled his disgust to Sir Launcelot, declaring tion. From this place to the habitation of his intention of returning to the metropolis, Sir Launcelot the bells were rung in every where he knew there would be always food parish, and the corporation in their formali- sufficient for the ravenous appetite of his ties congratulated him in every town through spleen. Before he departed, the knight made which he passed. About five miles from him partake of his bounty, though he could Greavesbury-hall he was met by above five not make him taste of his happiness, which thousand persons of both sexes and every soon received a considerable addition in the age, dressed out in their gayest apparel, birth of a son, destined to be the heir and headed by Mr Ralph Mattocks from Darnel- representative of two worthy families, whose hill, and the rector from the knight's own mutual animosity the union of his parents parish. They were preceded by music of had so happily extinguished. END OF SIR LAUNCELOT GREAVES. THE EXPEDITION OF HUMPHREY CLINKER. BY TOBIAS SMOLLETT, M.D. TO MR HENRY DAVIES, BOOKSELLER IN LONDON. Abergavenny, Aug. 4. such vagrant foreigners, as may be justiy RESPECTED SIR, suspected of disaffection to our happy conI HAVE received your esteemed favour of stitution in church and state. —God forbid the 13thultimo, whereby it appeareth, that you that I should be so uncharitable, as to affirm have perused those same letters, the which positively that the said Lismahago is no betwere delivered unto you by my friend the ter than a Jesuit in disguise; but this I will Reverend Mr Hugo Bhen; and I am pleased assert and maintain, totis viribus, that, to find you think they may be printed with a from the day he qualified, he has never been good prospect of success: inasmuch as the once seen intra templi parietes, that is to objections you mention, I humbly conceive, say, within the parish church. are such as may be re-argued, if not entirely Thirdly, with respect to what passed at removed. And first, in the first place, as Mr Kendal's table, when the said Lismahago touching what prosecutions may arise from was so brutal in his reprehensions, I must printing the private correspondence of per- inform you, my good sir, that I was obliged sons still living, give me leave, with all due to retire, not by fear arising from his minasubmission, to observe, that the letters in tory reproaches, which, as I said before, I question were not written and sent under value not a rush, but from the sudden effect the seal of secresy; that they have no ten- produced by a barbel's row, which I had dency to the mala fama or prejudice of any eaten at dinner, not knowing that the said person whatsoever; but rather to the infor- row is at certain seasons violently cathartic, mation and edification of mankind: so that as Galen observeth in his chapter rgg IZ iUvs. it becometh a sort of duty to promulgate them Fourthly, and lastly, with reference to the in usum publicum. Besides, I have con- manner in which I got possession of the letsulted Mr Davy Higgins, an eminent attor- ters, it is a circumstance which concerns my ney of this place, who, after due inspection own conscience only: sufficeth it to say, I and consideration, declareth, that he doth have fully satisfied the parties in whose cusnot think the said letters contain any matter tody they were: and, by this time, I hope I which will be held actionable in the eye of have also satisfied you in such ways, that the law. Finally, if you and I should come the last hand may be put to our agreement, to a right understanding, I do declare in and the work proceed with all convenient verba sacerdotis, that, in case of any such expedition. In which hope I rest, prosecution, I will take the whole upon my Respected Sir, own shoulders, even quoad fine and impri- Your very humble servant, sonment, though, I must confess, I should JONATHAN DUSTWICIH rot care to undergo flagellation: Tam ad turpitudinem quam ad amaritudinem poene P.S. I propose, Deo volente, to have tne spectans.-Secondly, concerning the perso- pleasure of seeing you in the great city nal resentment of Mr Justice Lismahago, towards All-hallow-tide, when I shall be glad I may say, non flocci facio.-I would not to treat with you concerning a parcel of MS. willingly vilipend any christian, if, perad- sermons, of a certain clergyman deceased. venture he deserveth that epithet: albeit, a cake of the right leaven for the present I am much surprised that more care is not taste of the public. Verbumw sapienti,.co. taken to exclude from the commission all J. D. TO THE REV. MR JONATHAN DUSTWICH, AT -G SIR, late war, I inserted in my evening paper a I RECEIVED yours in course of post, and paragraph that came by the post, reflecting, shall be glad to treat with you for the MS. upon the behaviour of a certain regiment in which J have delivered to your friend Mr battle. An officer of said regiment came to Bhen; but can by no means comply with my shop, and, in the presence of my wife the terms proposed. Those things are so and journeyman, threatened to cut off anmy uncertain-writing is all a lottery.-I have ears.-As I exhibited marks of bodily fear been a loser by the works of the greatest more ways than one, to the conviction of the men of the age.-I could mention particulars, bystanders, I bound him over; my action and name names; but don't choose it.-The lay, and I recovered. As for flagellation, taste of the town is so changeable. Then you have nothing to fear, and nothing to there have been se many letters upon travels hope, on that head.-There has been but lately published.-What between Smollett's, one printer flogged at the cart-tail these Sharp's, Derrick's, Thickness's, Baltimore's thirty years; that was Charles Watson; and and Barretti's, together with Shandy's Sen- he assured me it was no more than a flea.s timental Travels, the public seems to be bite. Co S —- has been threatened cloyed with that kind of entertainment.- several times by the House of L-f; but it Nevertheless, I will, if you please, run the came to nothing. If an information should risk of printing and publishing, and you shall be moved for, and granted against you as have half the profits of the impression.- the editor of these letters, I hope you will You need not take the trouble to bring up have honesty and wit enough to appear and your sermons on my account.-Nobody reads take your trial.-If you should be sentenced sermons but methodists and dissenters.- to the pillory, your fortune is made.-As Besides, for my own part, I am quite a times go, that's a sure step to honour and stranger to that sort of reading; and the the two preferment. I shall think myself happy, if persons whose judgment I depended upon I can lend you a lift; and am, very sincerely, in these matters, are out of the way: one is Yours, gone abroad, carpenter of a man of war; and HENRY DAVIES. the other has been silly enough to abscond, London, August 10. in order to avoid a prosecution for blasphemy.-I'm a great loser by his going off-he Please my kind service to your neighbour9 hias left a manual of devotion half finished my cousin Madoc.-I have sent an almanac in my hands, after having received money and court-calendar, directed for him at MIr for the whole copy.-He was the soundest Sutton's, bookseller in Gloucester, carriage divine, and had the most orthodox pen of all paid, which he will please to accept as a my people; and I never knew his judgment small token of my regard. My wife, who is fail, but in flying from his bread and butter very fond of toasted cheese, presents her on this occasion. compliments to him, and begs to know if By owning you was not put in bodily fear there's any of that kind which he was so by Lismahago, you preclude yourself from good as to send us last Christmas, to be the benefit of a good plea, over and above sold in London. the advantage of binding him over. In the iHa.D EXPEDITION OF HUMPHRY CLINKER. To DocTOR LEWIS. I desire you will lock up all my drawers, and keep the keys till meeting; and be sure you DocTor,-The pills are good for nothing take the iron chest with my papers into your -I might as well swallow snow-balls to cool own custody. Forgive all this trouble from, my reins-I have told you, over and over, dear Lewis, your affectionate how hard 1 am to move; and at this time of M. BRAMBLE. day, I ought to know something of my own Gloucester, April 2. constitution. Why will you be so positive? Prithee send me another prescription —I am as lame, and as much tortured in all my To MRs GWYLLIM, HOUSEKEEPER AT limbs, as if I was broke upon the wheel: BRAMBLETON-HALL. indeed, I am equally distressed in mind and body-as if I had not plagues enough of my MRs GWYLLIM,-When this comes to own, those children of my sister are left me hand, be sure to pack up in the trunk male that for a perpetual source of vexation-what stands in my closet, to be sent me in the Brisbusiness have people to get children to plague tol wagon, without lose of time, the following their neighbours? A ridiculous incident that articles: viz. my rose-collard neglejay, with happened yesterday to my niece Liddy, has green robins, my yellow damask, and my disordered me in such a manner, that I ex- black velvet suit, with the short hoop; my pect to be laid up with another fit of the bloo quilted petticoat, my green manteel, my gout. Perhaps I may explain myself in my laced apron, my French commode, Macklin next. I shall set out to-morrow morning head and lappets, and the little box with my for the hot-well at Bristol, where I am afraid jowls. Williams may bring over my bumI shall stay longer than I could wish. On daffee, and the viol with the easings of the receipt of this, send Williams thither Dr Hill's dock-water, and Chowder's lackwith my saddle-horse and the demi-pique. sitiff. The poor creature has been terribly Tell Barns to thrash out the two old ricks, constuprated ever since we left huom. Pray and send the corn to market, and sell it off take particular care of the house while the to the poor at a shilling a-bushel under mar- family is absent. Let there be a fire conket price. I have received a snivellingletter stantly kept in my brother's chamber and from Griffin, offering to make a public sub- mine. The maids, having nothing to do, mission, and pay costs. I want none of his may be sat a-spinning. I desire you'll clap submissions; neither will I pocket any of a pad-luck on the windseller, and let none his money. The fellow is a bad neighbour, of the men have excess to the strong bearand I desire to have nothing to do with him; don't forget to have the gate shit every evenbut as he is purse-proud, he shall pay for his ing before dark. The gardnir and hind may insolence: let him give five pounds to the lie below in the landry, to partake the house, poor of the parish, and I'll withdraw my with the blunderbuss and the great dog; and action and, in the mean time, you may tell I hope you'll have a watchful eye over the Prig to stop proceedings. Let Morgan's maids. I know that hussy Mary Jone loves widow have the Alderney cow, and forty to be romping with the men. Let me know shillings to clothe her children; but don't if Alderney's calf be sould yet, and what he say a syllable of the matter to any living fought-if the ould goose be sitting: and if soul-I'll make her pay when she is able. the cobler has cut Dicky, and how the poor 5 H* 314 SMOLLETT'S SELECT WORKS. anemil bore the operation.-No more at pre- her away, I found her a fine tall girl of sent, but rest yours, seventeen, with an cureeable person; but TABITHA BRAMBLE. remnarkably simnple, and quite ignorant of the Gloster, April 2. world. This disposition, and want of experience, had exposed her to the addresses of a person-I know not what to call him, who 1To MRS MARY JONES, AT BRAMBLETON- had seen her at a play; and, with a confiHALL. dence and dexterity peculiar to himself, found means to be recommended to her acquaint. DEAR MOLLY,-Heaving this opportunity, ance. It was by the greatest accident I inI send my love to you and Saul, being in good tercepted one of his letters. As it was mly health, and hoping to heer the same from duty to stifle this correspondence in its birth, you; and that you and Saul will take my I made it my business to find him out, and poor kitten to bedwith youmhis cold weather. tell him very freely my sentiments of the We have been all in a sad taking here at natter. Tha2spark did not like the style I Gloster-Miss Liddy had like to have run sed, and behaved with abundance of metals away with a player-man, and young master Though his rank in life (which, by the by, and he would a done themselves a mischief; I am ashamed to declare) did not entitle but the squire applied to the mare, and they him to much deference, yet, as his behae were bound over. Mistriss bid me not speak viour was remarkably spirited, I admitted a word of the matter to any Christian soul- him to the privilege of a gentleman, and no more I shall; for rLnts sho something might have happened, llad we not anl n~ r But, whajwas worse been prevented. In short, the business took than all this, Chowder has had the misfor- air, I know not how, and made abundance tune to be worried by a butcher's dog, and of noise-recourse was had to justice-I was came home in a terrible pickle —Mistriss was obliged to give my word and honour, &c. taken with the asterisks, but they soon went and to-morrow morning we set out for Brisoff. The doctor was sent for to Chowder, tol wells, where I expect to hear from you and he subscribed a repository, which did by the return of the post. I have got into a him great service- thank God he's now in a family of originals, whom I may one day fair way to do well-pray take care of my attempt to describe for your amusement. box and the pillyber, and put them under My aunt, Mrs Tabitha Bramble, is a maiden your own bed; for I do suppose Madam of forty-five, exceeding starched, vain, and Gwyllim will be a-prying into my secrets, ridiculous. My uncle is an odd kind of hunow my back is turned. John Thomas is mourist, always on the fret, and so unpleasant in good health, but sulky. The squire gave in his manner, that, rather than be obliged away an ould coat to a poor man; and John to keep him company, I'd resign all claim to says as how'tis robbing him of his parqui- the inheritance of his estate. Indeed, his sites. I told him, by his agreement, he was being tortured by the gout may have soured to receive no vails: but he says as how his temper, and perhaps I may like him betthere's a difference betwixt vails and parqui- ter on farther acquaintance: certain it is, all sites: and so there is for sartain. We are his servants and neighbours in the country all going to the hot well, where I shall drink are fond of him, even to a degree of enthuyour health in a glass of water, being, dear siasm, the reason of which I cannot as yet Molly, your humble servant to command, comprehend. Remember me to Griffy Price, W. JENKINS. Gwyn, Mansel, Basset, and all the rest of Gloster, April 2. my old Cambrian companions. Salute the bed-maker in my name-give my service to the cook, and pray take care of poor Ponto, TO SIR WATRIN PHILLIPS, BART. OF JESUS for the sake of his old master, who is, and COLLEGE, OXON. ever will be, dear Phillips, your affectionate friend and humble servant, DEAR PHILLIPS,-AS I have nothing more JER. MELFORD, at heart than to convince you I am incapable Gloucester, April 2. of forgetting or neglecting the friendship I Snade at college, I now begin that correspondence by letters, which you and I agreed at To MRS JERMYN, AT HER HOUSE IN GLOUE parting to cultivate. I begin it sooner than CESTER. I intended, that you may have it in your power to refute any idle reports which may DEAR MADAM,-Having no mother of my be circulated to my prejudice at Oxford, touch- own, I hope you will give me leave to dising a foolish quarrel in which I have been burden my poor heart to you, who have alinvolved on account of my sister, who had ways acted the part of a kind parent to me, been some time settled here in a boarding- ever since I was put under your care. Inschool. When I came hither with my uncle deed, and indeed, my worthy governess may and aunt, who are our guardians, to fetch believe me, when I assure her, that I never EXPEDITION OF HUMPHRY CLINKER. 315 harboured a thought that was otherwise than of your good humour and good sense; but I virtuous; and, if God will give me grace, I hope the friendship we contracted at the shall never behave so as to cast a reflection boarding-school will last for life-I doubt on the care you have taken in my education. not but, on my side, it will daily increase I confess I have given just cause of offence, and improve, as I gain experience, and learn by my want of prudence and experience. I to know the value of a true friend. O my ought not to have listened to what the dear Letty! what shall I say about poor Mr young man said; and it was my duty to Wilson? I have promised to break off all have told you all that passed, but I was asha- correspondence, and, if possible, to forget med to mention it; and then he behaved so him; but, alas! I begin to perceive that it modest and respectful, and seemed to be so will not be in my power. As it is by no melancholy and timorous, that I could not means proper that the picture should remain find in my heart to do any thing that should in my hands, lest it should be the occasion make him miserable and desperate. As for of more mischief, I have sent it to you by familiarities, I do declare, I never once al- this opportunity, begging you will either keep lowed him the favour of a salute; and as to it safe till better times, or return it to Mr the few letters that passed between us, they Wilson himself, who, I suppose, will make are all in my uncle's hands, and I hope they it his business to see you at the usual place. contain nothing contrary to innocence and If he should be low spirited at my sending honour. I am still persuaded that he is not back his picture, you may tell him I have no what he appears to be; but time will discover occasion for a picture, while the original con— meanwhile, I will endeavour to forget a tinues engraved on my —but, no, I would connection which is so displeasing to my fa- not have you tell him that neither; because mily. I have cried without ceasing, and there must be an end of our correspondence have not tasted any thing but tea, since I -I wish he may forget me, for the sake of was hurried away from you: nor did I once his own peace; and yet, if he should, he close my eyes for three nights running. My must be a barbarous —But'tis impossible, aunt continues to chide me'severely, when -poor Wilson cannot be false and inconwe are by ourselves; but I hope to soften stant. I beseech him not to write to me, her in time, by humility and submission. My nor attempt to see me, for some time; for, uncle, who was so dreadfully passionate in considering the resentment and passionate the beginning, has been moved by my tears temper of my brother Jerry, such an attempt and distress, and is now all tenderness and might be attended with consequences which compassion; and my brother is reconciled would make us all miserable for life-let us to me, on my promise to break off all corres- trust to time and the chapter of accidents; pondence with that unfortunate youth; but, or rather, to that Providence which will not notwithstanding all their indulgence, I shall fail, sooner or later, to reward those that have no peace of mind till I know my dear walk in the paths of honour and virtue-I and ever honoured governess has forgiven would offer my love to the young ladies, but her poor, disconsolate, forlorn, affectionate, it is not fit that any of them should know humble servant, till death, you have received this letter. If we go to LYDIA MELFORD. Bath, I shall send you my simple remarks Clifton, April 6. upon that famous centre of polite amusement, and every other place we may chance to visit; and I flatter myself that my dear BMiss To BMIss LXTITIA WILLIS, AT GLOUCES- Willis will be punctual in answering the letTER. ters of her affectionate LYDIA MELFORD. My DEAREST LETTY,-I am in such a Clifton April 6. fright, lest this should not come safe to hand by the conveyance of Jarvis the carrier, that I beg you will write me on the receipt of it, To DR LEWIS. directing to me, under cover, to Mrs Winifred Jenkins, my aunt's maid, who is a good DEAR L.EWIS,-I have followed your direcgirl, and has been so kind to me in my tions with some success, and might have affliction, that I have made her my confidant; been upon my legs by this time, had the weaas for Jarvis, he was very shy of taking ther permitted me to use my saddle-horse. charge of my letter and the little parcel, be- I rode out upon the Downs last Tuesday, in cause his sister Sally had like to have lost the forenoon, when the sky, as far as the her place on my account: indeed, I cannot visible horizon, was without a cloud; but, blame the man for his caution: but I have before I had gone a full mile, I was overmade it worth his while. My dear compan- taken instantaneously by a storm of rain, ion and bed-fellow, it is a grievous addition that wet me to the skin in three minutesto my other misfortunes, that I am deprived whence it came the devil knows; but it has of your agreeable company and conversation, laid me up (I suppose) for one fortnight. It at a time when I need so much the comfort makes me sick to hear people talk of the fine 316 SMOLLETT'S SELECT WORKS. air upon Clifton Downs; how can the air be him with insolence enough. The theatrical either agreeable or salutary, when the demon hero was too far gone in romance to brook of vapours descends in a perpetual drizzle? such usage; he replied in blank verse, and a My confinement is the more intolerable, as formal challenge ensued. They agreed to I am surrounded with domestic vexations. meet early next morningf, and to decide the My niece has had a dangerous fit of illness, dispute with sword and pistol. I heard occasioned by that cursed incident at Glouces- nothing at all of the affair, till Mr Morley ter, which I mentioned in my last. Sheis a came to my bed-side in the morning, and poor good-natured simpleton, as soft as but- told me he was afraid my nephew was going ter, and as easily melted-not that she's a to fight, as he had been overheard talking fool-the girl's parts are not despicable, and very loud and vehement with Wilson, at her education has not been neglected; that the young man's lodgings, the night before, is to say, she can write and spell, and speak and afterwards went and bought powder and French, and play upon the harpsichord; ball at a shop in the neighbourhood. I got then she dances finely, has a good figure, up immediately; and, upon inquiry, found he and is very well-inclined; but she's deficient was just gone out. I begged Morley to in spirit, and so susceptible, and so ten- knock up the mayor, that he might interpose der, forsooth!-truly, she has got a languish- as a magistrate; and, in the mean time, I ing eye, and reads romances. Then there's hobbled after the squire, whom I saw at a her brother, Squire Jerry, a pert jackanapes, distance, walking at a great pace towards the full of college petulance and self-conceit; city gate. In spite of all my efforts, I could proud as a German count, and as hot and not come up till our two combatants had tahasty as a Welsh mountaineer. As for that ken their ground, and were priming their fantastical animal my sister Tabby, you are pistols. An old house luckily screened me no stranger to her qualifications. I vow to fi'om their view; so that I rushed upon them God, she is sometimes so intolerable, that I at once before I was perceived. They were almost think she's the devil incarnate come both confounded, and attempted to make to torment me for my sins: and yet Iam con- their escape different ways; but Morley comscious of no sins that ought to entail such ing up with constables at that instant, took family plagues upon me —why the devil should Wilson into custody, and Jerry followed him I not shake off these torments at once? I a'nt quietly into the mayor's house. All this married to Tabby, thank Heaven! nor did I time I was ignorant of what had passed the beget the other two: let them choose another preceding day; and neither of the parties guardian: for my part, I an't in a condition would discover a tittle of the matter. The to take care of myself, much less to superin- mayor observed that it was great presumptend the conduct of giddy-headed boys and tion in Wilson, who was a stroller, to progirls. You earnestly desire to know the ceed to such extremities with a gentleman particulars of our adventure at Gloucester, of family and fortune; and threatened to which are briefly these, and I hope they will commit him on the-vagrant act. The young go no farther:-Liddy had been so long fellow bustled up with great spirit, declaring cooped up in a boarding-school, which, next he was a gentleman, and would be treated as to a nunnery, is the worst kind of seminary such; but he refused to explain himself farthat ever was contrived for young women, ther. Themaster of the companybeingsent that she became as inflammable as touch- for, and examined touching the said Wilson, wood; and, going to a play in holiday-time said, the young man had engaged with them -'sdeath, I'm ashamed to tell you! —she fell at Birmingham about six months ago, but in love with one of the actors-a handsome never would take his salary; that he had beyoung fellow, that goes by the name of haved so well in his private character as to Wilson. The rascal soon perceived the acquire the respect and good-will of his acimpression he had made, and managed mat- quaintance; and that the public owned his ters so as to see her at a house where she merit as an actor was altogether extraordiwent to drink tea with her governess. This nary. After all, I fancy he will turn out to was the beginning of a correspondence, be a runaway'prentice from London. The which they kept up by means of a jade of a manager offered to bail him for any sum, milliner, who made and dressed caps for the provided he would give his word and honour girls at the boarding-school. When we ar- that he would keep the peace; but the young rived at Gloucester, Liddy came to stay at gentleman was on his high ropes, and would lodgings with her aunt, and Wilson bribed by no means lay himself under any restricthe maid to deliver a letter into her own tions: on the other hand, Hopeful was hands; but it seems Jerry had already acqui- equally obstinate; till at length the mayor red so much credit with the maid (by what declared, that, if they both refused to be means he best knows), that she carried the bound over, he would immediately commit letter to him, and so the whole plot was dis- Wilson as a vagrant to hard labour. I own covered. The rash boy, without saying a I was much pleased with Jerry's behaviour word of the matter to me, went immediately on this occasion: he said, that, rather than in search of Wilson; and, I suppose, treated Mr Wilson should be treated in such an ig EXPEDITION OF HUMPHIRY CLINKER. 317 nominious manner, he would give his word but it may be necessary to hint, that I'm and honour to prosecute thle affair no farther more afraid of my fowling-piece than of my while they remained at Gloucester. Wilson game. When you can spare two or three thanked him for his generous manner of pro- brace of partridges, send them over by the ceeding, and was discharged. On our re- stage-coach; and tell Gwyllim that she forturn to our lodgings, my nephew explained got to pack-up my flannels and wide shoes in the whole mystery; and I own I was exceed- the trunk-mail-I shall trouble you as usual, ingly incensed. Liddy beingquestionedonthe from time to time, till at last, I suppose, you subject, and very severely reproached by that will be tired of corresponding with your aswild-cat my sister Tabby, first swooned away; sured friend, then dissolving into a flood of tears, confest M. BRAMBLE. all the particulars of the correspondence; at Clifton, April 17. the same time giving up three letters, which were all she had received from her admirer. The last, which Jerry intercepted, I send you To MIss LYDIA, MELFORD. inclosed; and when you have read it, I dare say you won't wonder at the progress the Miss Willis has pronounced my doom — writer had made on the heart of a sim- you are going away, dear Miss Melford, —you ple girl, utterly unacquainted with the are going to be removed I know not whither! characters of mankind. Thinking it was what shall I do? which way shall I turn for high time to remove her from such a dan- consolation? I know not what I say-all gerous connection, I carried her off the next night long have I been tossed in a sea of day to Bristol; but the poor creature was so doubts and fears, uncertainty and distraction, frightened and fluttered by our threats and without being able to connect my thoughts, expostulations, that she fell sick the fourth much less to form any consistent plan of day after our arrival at Clifton, and contin- conduct-I was even tempted to wish that I ued so ill for a whole week, that her life had never seen you; or that you had been was despaired of. It was not till yesterday less amiable, or less compassionate to your that Dr Rigge declared her out of danger. poor Wilson; and yet it would be detestable You cannot imagine what I have suffered, ingratitude in me to form such a wish, conpartly from the indiscretion of this poor child, sidering how much I am indebted to your but much more from the fear of losing her goodness, and the ineffable pleasure I have entirely. This air is intolerably cold, and derived from your indulgence and approbation the place quite solitary. Inevergo down to — Good God! I never heard your name the well without returning low-spirited; for mentioned without emotion! the most disthere I meet with half-a-dozen poor emaci- tant prospect of being admitted to your comated creatures with ghostly looks, in the last pany, filled my whole soul with a kind of stage of a consumption, who have made pleasing alarm! as the time approached, my shift to linger through the winter, like so heart beat with redoubled force, and every many exotic plants languishing in a hot- nerve thrilled with atransport of expectation; house; but in all appearance will drop into but, when I found myself actually in your their graves before the sun has warmth presence-when I heard you speak —when I enough to mitigate the rigour of this ungenial saw you smile-when I beheld your charmspring. If you think the Bath water will ing eyes turned favourably upon me, my be of any service to me, I will go thither as breast was filled with such tumults of delight, soon as my niece can bear the motion of the as wholly deprived me of the power of utcoach. Tell Barns I am obliged to him for terance, and wrapt me in a delirium of joy! his advice, but don't choose to follow it. If Encouraged by your sweetness of temper Davies voluntarily offers to give up the farm, and affability, I ventured to describe the the other shall have it; but I will not begin feelings of my heart —even then you did not at this time of day to distress my tenants be- check my presumption —yell pitied my suffercause they are unfortunate, and cannot make ings, and gave me leave to hope;-you put regular payments. I wonder that Barns a favourable, perhaps too favourable a conshould think me capable of such oppression. struction on my appearance-certain it is I As for Higgins, the fellow is a notorious am no player in love-I speak the language poacher, to be sure, and an impudent rascal, of my own heart, and have no prompter but to set his snares in my own paddock; but I nature. Yet there is something in this suppose he thought he had some right, espe- heart, which I have not yet disclosed-I cially in my absence, to partake of what na- flattered myself —but, I will not, I must not ture seems to have intended for common proceed-dear Miss Liddy! for Heaven's use: you may threaten him in my name as sake contrive, if possible, some means of much as you please; and, if he repeats the letting me speak to you before you leave offence, let me know it before you have re- Gloucester; otherwise I know not what will course to justice-I know you are a great -but I begin to rave again-I will endeasportsman, and oblige many of your friends. vour to bear this trial with fortitude-while I neednot tell you to make use of my grounds; I am capable of reflecting upon your tender 83 8 S~SMOLLETT'S SELECT WORKS. ness and truth, I surely have no cause to de- to the weak lungs of many consumptive paspair-yet I am strangely affected. The sun tients who came to drink the water. The seems to deny me light-a cloud hangs over doctor, overhearing this remark, made up to rne, and there is a dreadful weight upon my him, and assured him he was mistaken. He spirits! While you stay in this place, I said, people in general were so misled by shall continually hover about your lodgings, vulgar prejudices, that philosophy was hardly as the parted soul is said to linger about the sufficient to undeceive them. Then, hemgrave where its mortal consort lies-I know, ming thrice, he assumed a most ridiculous if it is in your power, you will task your hu- solemnity of aspect, and entered into a manity-your compassion —shall I add your learned investigation of the nature of stink. affection? in order to assuage the almost in- He observed, that stink or stench, meant no tolerable disquiet that torments the heart of more than a strong impression on the olfacyour afflicted WILSON. tory nerves, and might be applied to subGloucester, March 31. stances of the most opposite qualities: that in the Dutch language, stinken signified the most agreeable perfume, as well as the most To SIR WATKIN PHILLIPS, OF JESUS COL- fetid odour, as appears in Van Vloudel's LEGE, OXON. translation of Horace, in that beautiful ode, Quis multa gracilis, &c.; the words liquidis hiot Well, April 18. perfusus odoribus, he translates, van civet DEAR PEILLIPS,-I give Mansel credit for et moschata gestinken; that individuals difhis invention, in propagating the report, that fered toto ccelo in their opinion of smells, I had a quarrel with a mountebank's Merry which indeed was altogether as arbitrary as Andrew at Gloucester; but I have too much the opinion of beauty; that the French were respect for every appendage of wit, to quar- pleased with the putrid effluvia of animal rel even with the lowest buffoonery; and food, and so were the Hottentots in Africa, therefore I hope Mansel and I shall always and the savages in Greenland; and that the be good friends. I cannot, however, approve negroes on the coast of Senegal would not of his drowning my poor dog Ponto, on pur- touch fish till it was rotten; strong presumppose to convert Ovid's pleonasm into a pun- tions in favour of what is generally called ning epitaph-deerant quoque littoraPonto; stink, as those nations are in a state of nafor, that he threw him into the Isis, when it ture, undebauched by luxury, unseduced by was so high and impetuous, with no other whim and caprice; that he had reason to view than to kill the fleas, is an excuse that believe the stercoraceous flavour, condemned will not hold water: but I leave poor Ponto by prejudice as a stink, was, in fact, most to his fate, and hope Providence will take care agreeable to the organs of smelling; for that to accommodate Mansel with a drier death. every person that pretended to nauseate the As there is nothing that can be called smell of another's excretions, snuffed up his company at the well, I am here in a state of own with particular complacency; for the absolute rustication: this, however, gives me truth of which, he appealed to all the ladies leisure to observe the singularities in my and gentlemen then present; he said, the uncle's character, which seems to have in- inhabitants of Madrid and Edinburgh found terested your curiosity. The truth is, his particular satisfaction in breathing their own disposition and mine, which, like oil and atmosphere, which was always impregnated vinegar, repelled one another at first, have with stercoraceous effluvia; that the learned now begun to mix, by dint of being beat up Dr B —, in his treatise on the Four Digesttogether. I was once apt to believe him a ions, explains in what manner the volatile complete cynic, and that nothing but the effluvia from the intestines stimulate and necessity of his occasions could compel him promote the operations of the animal ecoto get within the pale of society-I am now nomrny: he affirmed the last grand duke of of another opinion; I think his peevishness Tuscany, of the Medicis family, who refined arises partly from bodily pain, and partly upon sensuality with the spirit of a philosofrom a natural excess of mental sensibility; plier, was so delighted with that odour, that for, I suppose, the mind, as well as the he caused the essence of ordure to be exbody, is, in some cases, endowed with a tracted, and used it as the most delicious morbid excess of sensation. perfulme; that he himself (the doctor), when I was, t'other day, much diverted with a he happened to be low-spirited, or fatigued conversation that passed in the pump-room with business, found immediate relief, and betwixt him and the famous Dr L —n, who uncommon satisfaction, from hanging over is come to ply at the well for patients. My the stale contents of a close stool, while his uncle was complaining of the stink, occa- servant stirred it about under his nose; nor sicned by the vast quantity of mud and was this effect to be wondered at, when we slime which the river leaves at low ebb un- consider that this substance abounds with the der the windows of the pump-room. He self'same volatile salts that are so greedily observed that the exhalations arising fromr smelled to by the most delicate invalids, after such a nuisance, could not but be prejudicial they have been extracted and sublimed by the EXPEDITION OF HUMPHRY CLINKER. 319 chemists. By this time the company began to manner." At this remark, all the ladies hold their noses; but the doctor, without taking retired to another corner of the room, and the least notice of this signal, proceeded to some of them began to spit-as to my uncle, show, that many fetid substances were not though he was ruffled at first by the doctor's only agreeable but salutary; such as assa- saying he was dropsical, he could not help fRetida and other medicinal gums, resins, smiling at this ridiculous confession; and, I roots, and vegetables, over and above burnt suppose, with a view to punish this original, feathers, tan-pits, candle-snuffs, &c. In short, told him there was a wart upon his nose, he used many learned arguments to persuade that looked a little suspicious.-," I don't his audience out of their senses; and from pretend to be a judge of these matters," said stench made a transition to filth, which he he, "but I understand that warts are often affirmed was also a mistaken idea, inasmuch produced by the distemper; and that one as objects so called were no other than cer- upon your nose seems to have taken possesstain modifications of matter, consisting of ion of the very key-stone of the bridge, which the same principles that enter into the com- I hope is in no danger of falling." L- in position of all created essences, whatever seemed a little confounded at this remark, and they may be; that, in the filthiest production assured him it was nothing but a common of nature, a philosopher considered nothing excrescence of the cuticula, but that the but the earth, water, salt, and air, of which bones were all sound below: for the truth it was compounded: that, for his own part, of this assertion he appealed to the touch, he had no more objection to drinking the desiring he would feel the part. My uncle dirtiest ditch-water, than he had to a glass said it was a matter of such delicacy to medof water from the hot well, provided he was dle with a gentleman's nose, that he declined assured there was nothing poisonous in the the office; upon which the doctor, turning concrete. Then addressing himself to my to me, intreated me to do him that favour. uncle,-" Sir," said he, " you seem to be of I complied with his request, and handled it a dropsical habit, and probably will soon so roughly, that he sneezed, and the tears have a confirmed ascites; if I should be pre- ran down his cheeks, to the no small entersent when you are tapped, I will give you a tainment of the company, and particularly convincing proof of what I assert, by drink- of my uncle, who burst out a-laughing for ing, without hesitation, the water which the first time since I have been with him; comes out of your abdomen." The ladies and took notice that the part seemed to be made wry faces at this declaration; and my very tender. "Sir," cried the doctor, " it uncle changing colour, told him he did not de- is naturally a tender part; but, to remove all sire any such proofs of his philosophy. "But possibility of doubt, I will take off the wart I should be glad to know," said he, " what this very night." makes vou think I am of a dropsical habit?" So saying, he bowed with great solemnity 6" Sir, I beg pardon," replied thie doctor, " I all around, and retired to his own lodgings, perceive your ankles are swelled, and you where he applied caustic to the wart; but it seem to have the facies leucoplegmatica. spread in such a manner, as to produce a Perhaps, indeed, your disorder may be cede- considerable inflammation, attended with an matozs, or gouty, or it may be the lues enormous swelling; so that, when he next venerea. If you have any reason to flatter appeared, his whole face was overshadowed yourself it is this last, sir, I will undertake by this tremendous nozzel; and the rueful to cure you with three small pills, even if eagerness with which he explained the unthe disease should have attained its utmost lucky accident, was ludicrous beyond all deinveteracy. Sir, it is an arcanum, which I scription. I was much pleased with meethave discovered, and prepared with infinite ing the original of a character which you labour. Sir, I have lately cured a woman and I have often laughed at in description; in Bristol-a common prostitute, sir, who and, what surprises me very much, I find the had got all the worst symptoms of the dis- features in the picture which has been drawn order; such as nodi, tophi, and gummata, for him rather softened than overcharged. verruc&a, crista, galli, and serpiginous erup- As I have something else to say, and this tion, or rather a pocky itch all over her body. letter is run to an unconscionable length, I By the time she had taken the second pill, shall now give you a little respite, and trouble sir, by heaven! she was as smooth as my you again by the very first post. I wish you hand; and the third made her as sound and would take it in your head to retaliate these as fresh as a new born infant." "Sir," double strokes upon yours always, cried my uncle peevishly, "I have no reason J. MELFORD. to flatter myself that my disorder comes within the efficacy of your nostrum: but this patient you talk of may not be so sound at To SIR WATiIN PHILLIPS, or JTSUs COL. bottom as you imagine." "I can't possibly LEcE, OXON. be mistaken," rejoined the philosopher, "for I have had communication with her three Hot Well, April 20. times-I always ascertain my cures in that DEAR KNImaGHT,-I now sit down to exe 320 XI (SMOLLETT'S SELECT VWORKS. cute the threat in the tail of my last. The she was interrupted by my uncle, who muttruth is, I am big with the secret, and long tered, in a voice still more and more dis. to be delivered. It relates to my guardian, cordant,-" For Heaven's sake, be quiet, who, you know, is at present our principal madam-consider the people of the houseobject in view.'sdeath! can't you." All this time she was T'other day I thought I had detected him struggling to throw herself on her knees, in such a state of frailty as would but ill be- while he, seizing her by the wrists, endea. come his years and character. There is a voured to seat her upon the settee, saying,decent sort of a woman, not disagreeable in "Prithee-good now —hold your tongue." her person, that comes to the well, with a At that instant, who should burst into the poor emaciated child, far gone in a consump- room but our aunt Tabby! of all antiquated tion. I had caught my uncle's eyes several maidens the most diabolically capricious. times directed to this person, with a very Ever prying into other people's affairs, she suspicious expression in them; and every had seen the woman enter, and followed her time he saw himself observed, he hastily to the door, where she stood listening, but withdrew them, with evident marks of con- probably could hear nothing distinctly, exfusion. I resolved to watch him more nar- cept my uncle's last exclamation; at which rowly, and saw him speaking to her privately she bounced into the parlour in a violent in a corner of the walk. At length, going rage, that dyed the tip of her nose of a purdown to the well one day, I met her half- ple hue. " Fy upon you, Matt!" cried she, way up the hill to Clifton, and could not "what doings are these, to disgrace your help suspecting she was going to our lodg- own character, and disparage your family?" ings by appointment, as it was about one Then snatching the bank-note out of the o'clock, the hour when my sister and I are stranger's hand, she went on-"- How now, generally at the pump-room. This notion twenty pounds!-here is a temptation with exciting my curiosity, I returned by a back a witness!-Good woman, go about your way, and got unperceived into my own chamin business —brother, brother, I know not ber, which is contiguous to my uncle's apart- which most to admire, your concupissins, or ment. Sure enough the woman was intro- your extravagance!"."Good God!" exduced, but not into his bed-chamber: he gave claimed the poor woman, " shall a worthy her audience in a parlour; so that I was gentleman's character suffer for an action obliged to shift my station to another room, that does honour to humanity?" By this where, however, there was a small chink in time uncle's indignation was effectually the partition, through which I could perceive roused: his face grew pale, his teeth chatwhat passed. tered, and his eyes flashed —" Sister," cried My uncle, though a little lame, rose up he in a voice like thunder, " I vow to God, when she came in, and, setting a chair for your impertinence is exceedingly provoking." her, desired she would sit down: then he With these words, he took her by the hand, asked if she would take a dish of chocolate, and, opening the door of communication, which she declined with much acknowledge- thrust her into the chamber where I stood, so ment. After a short pause, he said, in a affected by the scene, that the tears ran croaking tone of voice, which confounded down my cheeks. Observing these marks of me not a little,-" Madam, I am truly con- emotion,-" I don't wonder," said she, " to cerned for your misfortunes; and if this tri- see you concerned at the backslidings of so fle can be of any service to you, I beg you near a relation; a man of his years and will accept it without ceremony." So say- infirmities: these are fine doings, trulying, he put a bit of paper into her hand; this is a rare example set by a guardian for which she opening with great trepidation, ex- the benefit of his pupils-monstrous! inconclaimed, in an ecstasy,-" Twenty pounds! gruous! sophistical!" I thought it was but an O sir!" and sinking down on a settee, faint- act of justice to set her to rights, and thereed away. Frightened at this fit, and, I sup- fore explained the mystery; but she would not pose, afraid of calling for assistance, lest her be undeceived. " What," said she, " would situation should give rise to unfavourable you go for to offer for to arguefy me out of conjectures, he ran about the room in dis- my senses? Didn't I hear him whispering to traction, making frightful grimaces: and, at her to hold her tongue? Didn't I see her in length, had recollection enough to throw a tears? Didn't I see him struggling to throw a little water in her face; by which applica- her upon the couch 1 O filthy! hideous! tion she was brought to herself: but then abominable! —Child, child! talk not to me her feelings took another turn. She shed a of charity-Who gives twenty pounds in flood of tears, and cried aloud.-," I know charity l-But you are a stripling-you not who you are; but sure-worthy sir!- know nothing of the world-besides, charity generous sir!-the distress of me and my begins at home-twenty pounds would buy poor dying child-oh! if the widow's prayers me a complete suit of flowered silk, trim-if the orphan's tears of gratitude can mings and all. In short, I quitted the room, aught avail-Gracious Providence!-Bless- my contempt for her, and my respect for her in's! shower down eternal blessings"-here brother, being increased in the same propor. EXPEDITION OF HUMPHRY CLINKER. 321 tion. I have since been informed, that the fantastical oddity, one of your brethren, who person who my uncle so generously relieved, harangues every day in the pump-room, as if is the widow of an ensign, who has nothing to he was hired to give lectures on all subjects depend upon but the pension of fifteen whatsoever-I know not what to make of pounds a-year. T.he people of the well- him. Sometimes he makes shrewd remarks, house give her an excellent character. She at other times he talks like the greatest simlodges in a garret, and works very hard at pleton in nature. He has read a great deal, plain work, to support her daughter, who is but without method or judgment, and digestdying of a consumption. I must own, to my ed nothing. He believes every thing he has shame, I feel a strong inclination to follow read, especially if it has any thing of the my uncle's example, in relieving this poor marvellous. in it; and his conversation is a widow; but, betwixt friends, I am afraid of surprising hotch-potch of erudition and exbeing detected in a weakness that might travagance. He told me t'other day, with entail the ridicule of the company upon, great confidence, that my case was dropsidear Phillips, yours always, cal, or, as he called it, leucophlegmatic; J. MELFORD. a sure sign that his want of experience is Direct your next to me at Bath; and re- equal to his presumption; for you know member me to all our fellow Jesuits. there is nothing analogous to the dropsy in my disorder. I wish those impertinent fellows, with their rickety understandings, To DOCTOR LEWIS. would keep their advice for those who ask it-dropsy, indeed! Sure I have not lived Hot Well, April 20. to the age of fifty-five, and had such expeI understand your hint. There are mys- rience of my own disorder, and consulted teries in physic as well as in religion, which you and other eminent physicians so often we of the profane have no right to investi- and so long, to be undeceived by such a --- gate. A man must not presume to use his But, without all doubt, the man is mad, and, reason, unless he has studied the categories, therefore, what he says is of no consequence. and can chop logic by mode and figure. I had yesterday a visit from Higgins, who Between friends, I think every man of tole- came hither under the terror of your threats, rable parts ought, at my time of day, to be and brought me in a present a brace of both physician and lawyer, as far as his own hares, which he owned he took on my constitution and property are concerned. ground; and I could not persuade the fellow For my own part, I have had an hospital that he did wrong, or that I would ever prothese fourteen years within myself, and secute him for poaching. I must desire you studied my own case with the most painful will wink hard at the practices of this rasattention, consequently may be supposed to callion, otherwise I shall be plagued with his know something of the matter, although I presents, which cost me more than they are have not taken regular courses of physi- worth. If I could wonder at any thing Fitzology, et coetera, et ceatera. In short, I owen does, I should be surprised at his assurhave for some time been of opinion, (no ance, in desiring you to solicit my vote for offence, dear doctor,) that the sum of your him at the next election for the county; for medical discoveries amounts to this-that him, who opposed me on the like occasion the mor n. st thess you know. I with the most illiberal competition. You have reait athat has been wFitten on the may tell him civilly, that I beg to be excused. hot wells; and what I can collect from the Direct your next to me at Bath, whither I whole is, that the water contains nothing propose to remove to-morrow, not only on but a little salt and calcareous earth, mixed in my own account, but for the sake of my such inconsiderable proportion, as can have niece Liddy, who is like to relapse. The very little, if any, effect on the animal poor creature fell into a fit yesterday, while economy. This being the case, I think the I was cheapening a pair of spectacles with man deserves to be fitted with a cap of bells, a Jew pedlar. I am afraid there is somewho, for such a paltry advantage as this thing still lurking in that little heart of her's, spring affords, sacrifices his precious time, which I hope a change of objects will rewhich might be employed in- taking more move. Let me know what you think of this effectual remedies, and exposes himself to half-witted doctor's impertinent, ridiculous, the dirt, the stench, the chilling blasts, and and absurd notions of my disorder. So far perpetual rains, that render this place to me fiom being dropsical, I am as lank in the intolerable, if these waters, from a small de- belly as a greyhound; and, by measuring gree of astringency, are of some service in my ancle with a pack-thread, I find the the diabetes, diarrhcea, and night sweats, swelling subsides every day-from such doewhen the secretions are too much increased, tors good Lord deliver us!-I have not yet must not they do harm in the same propor- taken any lodgings in Bath, because there we tion, where the humours are obstructed, as can be accommodated at a minute's warnin the asthma, scurvy, gout, and dropsy? ing, and I shall choose for myself. I need Now we talk of the dropsy, here is a strange not say your directions for drinking and 5 I* 322 SMOLLETT'S SELECT WORKS. bathing will be agreeable to, dear Lewis, thrown into such a quandary, that she forgot yours ever, MATT. BRAMBLE. the most material part of the information; P.S. I forgot to tell you that my right and, when she came home, went into an ankle pits; a symptom, as I take it, of its hysteric fit of laughing. This transaction being cedematous, not leucophlegmatic. happened three days ago, during which he has not appeared; so that I suppose he is gone. Dear Letty! you see how Fortune takes To Miss LE:TITIA WILLIS, AT GLOUCESTER. pleasure in persecuting your poor friend. If you should see him at Gloucester-or if Hot Well, April 21. you have seen him, and know his real name Ma DEAR LETTY,-I did not intend to and family, pray keep me no longer in sustrouble you again till we should be settled at pense-and yet, if he is under no obligation Bath; but having the occasion of Jarvis, I to keep himself longer concealed, and has a could not let it slip, especially as I have real affection for me, I should hope he will, something extraordinary to communicate. in a little time, declare himself to my rela0, my dear companion! what shall I tell tions. Sure, if there is nothing unsuitable you? For several days past, there was a in the match, they won't be so cruel as to Jew-looking man that plied at the wells with thwart my inclinations-O, what happiness a box of spectacles, and he always eyed me would then be my portion! I can't help inso earnestly, that I began to be very uneasy. dulging the thought, and pleasing my fancy At last he came to our lodgings at Clifton, with such agreeable ideas, which, after all, and lingered about the door, as if he wanted perhaps, will never be realized. But why to speakto somebody. I was seized with an should I despair? Who knows what will odd kind of fluttering, and begged Win to happen? We set out for Bath to-morrow, throw herself in his way; but the poor girl and I am almost sorry for it, as I begin to has weak nerves, and was afraid of his beard. be in love with solitude, and this is a charmMy uncle, having occasion for new glasses, ing romantic place. The air is so pure; the called him up stairs, and was trying a pair downs are so agreeable; the furze in full blosof spectacles, when the man, advancing to som; the ground enamelled with daisies and me, said, in a whisper-O gracious! what primroses and cowslips; all the trees bursting ly'e think he said?- " I am Wilson!" His into leaves, and the hedges already clothed features struck me that very moment-it was with their vernal livery; the mountains coWilson sure enough! but so disguised, that vered with flocks of sheep, and tender bleatit would have been impossible to know him, ing, wanton lambkins playing, frisking, and if my heart had not assisted in the discovery. skipping from side to side; the groves reI was surprised, and so frightened, that I sound with the notes of the blackbird, thrush, fainted away, but soon recovered, and found and linnet; and all night long sweet Philomyself supported by him on the chair, while mel pours forth her ravishingly delightful my uncle was running about the room, with song. Then, for variety, we go down to the the spectacles on his nose, calling for help. nymph of Bristol spring, where the cornI had no opportunity to speak to him, but pany is assembled before dinner; so goodour looks were sufficiently expressive. He natured, so free, so easy; and there we drink was paid for his glasses, and went away. the water so clear, so pure, so mild, so Then I told Win who he was, and sent her charmingly maukish-there the sun is so after him to the pump-room, where she spoke cheerful and reviving, the weather so soft, the to him, and begged him in my name to with- walk so agreeable, the prospect so amusing, draw from the place, that he might not incur and the ships and boats going up and down the suspicion of my uncle or my brother, if the river, close under the windows of the he did not want to see me die of terror and pump-room, afford such an enchanting variety vexation. The poor youth declared, with of moving pictures, as require a much abler tears in his eyes, that he had something ex- pen than mine to describe. To make this traordinary to communicate, and asked if she place a perfect paradise to me, nothing is would deliver a letter to me; but this she wanting but an agreeable companion and absolutely refused, by my order. Finding sincere friend, such as my dear Miss Willis her obstinate in her refusal, he desired she hath been, and I hope still will be, to her would tell me that he was no longer a player, ever faithful LYDIA MELFORD. but a gentleman, in which character he would Direct for me, still under cover, to Win, very soon avow his passion for me, without and Jarvis will take care to convey it safe. fear of censure or reproach. Nay, he even Adieu. discovered his name and family, which, to my great grief, the simple girl forgot, in the confusion occasioned by her being seen talk- To SIR WATKIN PHILLIPS, OF JESUs COLing to him by my brother, who stopped her LEGE, OXON. on the road, and asked what business she had with that rascally Jew. She pretended Bath, April 24. she was cheapening a stay-hook; but was DEAR PHILLIPS,-YOU have, indeed, rea. EXPEDITION OF HUMPHRY CLINKER. 823 son to be surprised that I should have con- Three days ago we came hither from the cealed my correspondence with Miss Black- Hot Well, and took possession of the first erby from you, to whom I disclosed all my floor of a lodging-house on the South Parade; other connections of that nature; but the a situation which my uncle chose, for its truth is, I never dreamed of any such com- being near the bath, and remote from the merce, till your last informed me that it had noise of carriages. He was scarce warm in produced something which could not be much the lodgings, when he called for his nightlonger concealed. It is a lucky circumr- cap, his wideshoes and flannel, and declared stance, however, that her reputation will not himself invested with the gout in his right suffer any detriment, but rather derive ad- foot; though, I believe, it had as yet reached vantage from the discovery;'which will prove, no farther than his imagination. It was not at least, that it is not quite so rotten as most long before he had reason to repent his prepeople imagined. For my own part, I de- mature declaration; for our aunt Tabitha dare to you, in all the sincerity of friend- found means to make such a clamour and ship, that, far from having any amorous in- confusion, before the flannels could be protercourse with the object in question, I never duced from the trunk, that one would have had the least acquaintance with her person; imagined the house was on fire. All this but if she is really in the condition you de- time uncle sat boiling with impatience, biscribe, I suspect Mansel to be at the bottom ting his fingers, throwing up his eyes, and of the whole. His visits to that shrine were muttering ejaculations: at length he burst no secret; and this attachment, added to into a kind of convulsive laugh, after which some good offices, which you know he has he hummed a song; and, when the hurricane done me since I left alma mater, give me a was over, exclaimed,-" Blessed be God for right to believe him capable of saddling me all things!" This, however, was but the with this scandal when my back was turned- beginning of his troubles. MIrs Tabitha's nevertheless, if my name can be of any ser- favourite dog Chowder, having paid his comvice to him, he is welcome to make use of pliments to a female turn-spit, of his own it; and, if the woman should be abandoned species, in the kitchen, involved himself in a enough to swear his bantling to me, I must quarrel with no fewer than five rivals, who beg the favour of you to compound with the set upon him at once, and drove him up parish: I shall pay the penalty without re- stairs to the dining-room door, with hideous pining; and you will be so good as to draw noise: there our aunt and her woman, taking upon me immediately for the sum required. arms in his defence, joined the concert, which On this occasion, I act by the advice of my became truly diabolical. This fray being uncle, who says I shall have good luck if I with difficulty suppressed, by the intervention pass through life without being obliged to of our own footman and the cook-maid of make many more compositions of the same the house, the squire had just opened his kind. The old gentleman told me last night, mouth to expostulate with Tabby, when the with great good humour, that, betwixt the town-waits, in the passage below, struck up age of twenty and forty, he had been obliged their music (if music it may be called) with to provide for nine bastards, sworn to him such a sudden burst of sound as made him by women whom he never saw. Mr Bram- start and stare, with marks of indignation ble's character, which seems to interest you and disquiet. He had recollection enough greatly, opens and improves upon me every to send his servant with some money, to day. His singularities afford a rich mine silence those noisy intruders; and they were of entertainment; his understanding, so far immediately dismissed, though not without as I can judge, is well cultivated; his obser- some opposition on the part of Tabitha, who vations on life are equally just, pertinent, thought it but reasonable that he should have and uncommon. He affects misanthropy, in more music for his money. Scarce had he order to conceal the sensibility of a heart settled this knotty point, when a strange which is tender even to a degree of weak- kind of thumping and bouncing was heard ness. This delicacy of feeling, or soreness right over head, in the second story, so loud of the mind, makes him timorous and fearful; and violent as to shake the whole building. but then he is afraid of nothing so much as I own I was exceedingly provoked at this of dishonour; and although he is exceedingly new alarm; and before my uncle had time to cautious of giving offence, he will fire at the express himself on the subject, I ran up least hint of insolence or ill-breeding. Re- stairs to see what was the matter. Finding spectable as he is, upon the whole, I can't the room door open, I entered without cerehelp being sometimes diverted by his little mony, and perceived an object, which I can. distresses, which provoke him to let fly the not now recollect without laughing to excess shafts of his satire, keen and penetrating as -it was a dancing-master, with his scholar, the arrows of Teucer. Our aunt Tabitha in the act of teaching. The master was acts upon him as a perpetual grind-stone- blind of one eye, and lame of one foot, and she is, in all respects, a striking contrast to led about the room his pupil, who seemed to her brother-but I reserve her portrait for be about the age of threescore, stooped moranother occasion. tally, was tall, raw-boned, hard-favoured, 324 SMOLLETT'S SELECT WORKS. with a woollen night-cap on his head; and pate uncovered, made a thousand apologies he had stript off his coat, that he might be to the ladies as he retired. more nimble in his motions. Finding him- At that instant the abbey bells began to self intruded upon by a person he did not ring so loud, that we could not hear one know, he forthwith girded himself with a another speak; and this peal, as we afterlong iron sword, and, advancing to me with wards learned, was for the honour of Mr a peremptory air, pronounced, in a true Hi- Bullock, an eminent cowkeeper of Tottenbernian accent,-" Mister What-d'ye-callum, ham, who had just arrived at Bath, to drink by my shoul and conscience, I am very glad the waters, for indigestion. Mr Bramble to see you, if you are after coming in the had not time to make his remarks upon the way of friendship; and indeed, and indeed agreeable nature of this serenade, before his now, I believe you are my friend sure enough, ears were saluted with another concert that gra, though I never had the honour to see interested him more nearly. Two negroes your face before, my dear; for because you that belonged to a Creole gentleman who come like a friend, without any ceremony at lodged in the same house, taking their staall, at all-" I told him the nature of my tion at a window in the stair-case, about ten visit would not admit of ceremony; that I feet from our dining-room door, began to was come to desire he would make less noise, practise upon the French horn; and being in as there was a sick gentleman below, whom the very first rudiments of execution, produhe had no right to disturb with such prepos- ced such discordant sounds, as might have terous doings. " Why, look ye now, young discomposed the organs of an ass. You may gentleman," replied this original, "p erhaps, guess what effect they had upon the irritable upon another occasion, I might shivilly re- nerves of uncle; who, with the most admiquest you to explain the maining of that hard rable expression of splenetic surprise in his word, prepasterous; but there's a time for countenance, sent his man to silence those all things, honey-" So saying, he passed dreadful blasts, and desire the musicians to me with great agility, and running down practise in some other place, as they had no stairs, found our footman at the dining room right to stand there and disturb all the lodgdoor, of whom he demanded admittance, to ers in the house. Those sable performers, pay his respects to the stranger. As the far from taking the hint, and withdrawing, fellow did not think proper to refuse the re- treated the messenger with great insolence, quest of such a formidable figure, he was im- bidding him carry his compliments to their mediately introduced, and addressed himself master, Colonel Rigworm, who would give to my uncle in these words.-," Your humble him a proper answer, and a good drubbing servant, good sir, —I am not so prepasterous, into the bargain: in the mean time they conas your son calls it, but I know the rules of tinued their noise, and even endeavoured to shivility-I am a poor knight of Ireland, my make it more disagreeable, laughing between name is Sir Ulic Mackilligut, of the county whiles, at the thoughts of being able to torof Galway; being your felloiv-lodger, I'm ment theirbetters withimpunity. Our squire, come to pay my respects, and to welcome incensed at the additional insult, immediately you to the South Parade, and to offer my dispatched the servant with his compliments best services to you, and your good lady, and to Colonel Rigworm, requesting that he your pretty daughter; and even to the young would order his blacks to be quiet, as the gentleman your son, though he thinks me a noise they made was altogether intolerable. prepasterous fellow. You must know I am To this message the Creole colonel replied, to have the honour to open a ball, next door, that his horns had a right to sound on a to-morrow, with Lady Macmanus; and being common stair-case; that there they should rusted in my dancing, I was refreshing my play for his diversion; and that those who memory with a little exercise; but if I had did not like the noise, might look for lodgknown'there was a sick person below, by ings elsewhere. Mr Bramble no sooner C-st! I would sooner have danced a received this reply, than his eves began to hornpipe upon my own head, than walk the glisten, his face grew pale, and his teeth chatsoftest minuet over yours." My uncle, who tered. After a moment's pause, he slipt on was not a little startled at his first appear- his shoes, without speaking a word, or seemance, received his compliment with great ing to feel any farther disturbance from the complacency, insisted upon his being seated, gout in his toes. Then snatching his cane, thanked him for the honour of his visit, and he opened the door, and proceeded to the reprimanded me for my abrupt expostulation place where the black trumpeters were postwith a gentleman of his rank and character. ed. There, without farther hesitation, he Thus tutored, I asked pardon of the knight, began to belabour them both; and exerted who, forthwith starting up, embraced me so himself with such astonishing vigour and close, that I could hardly breathe; and assu- agility, that both their heads and horns were red me he loved me as his own soul. At broken in a twinkling, and they ran howling length, recollecting his night-cap, he pulled down stairs to their master's parlour-door. it off in some confusion; and, with his bald The squire, following them half-way, called EXPEDITION OF HUMPEIRY CLINKER. 325 aloud, that the colonel might hear him,- course to plugs of wool and cotton, I'll try "Go, rascals, and tell your master what I whether I can't find another lodging, where nave done; if he thinks himself injured, he I shall have more quiet and less music." He knows where to come for satisfaction. As accordingly dispatched his man upon this for you, this is but an earnest of what you service; and next day he found a small shall receive, if ever you presume to blow a house in Milsham-street, which he hires by horn again here, while I stay in the house." the week. Here at least we enjoy conveSo saying, he retired to his apartment, in nience and quiet within doors, as much as expectation of hearing from the West In- Tabby's temper will allow; but the squire dian; but the colonel prudently declined any still complains of flying pains in the stomach Ikrther prosecution of the dispute. and head, for which he bathes and drinks /_y sister Liddy was frightened into a fit, the waters. He is not so bad, however, but from which she was no sooner recovered that. he goes in person to the pump, the than Mrs Tabitha began a lecture upon pa- rooms and the coffee-houses, where he picks tience; which her brother interrupted with up continual food for ridicule and satire. If a most significant grin, exclaiming,-" True, I can glean any thing for your amusement, sister, God increase my patience and your either fiom his observation or my own, you discretion. I wonder," added he, "what shall have it freely, though I am afraid it sort of a sonata we are to expect from this will poorly compensate the trouble of readoverture, in which the devil that presides ing these tedious insipid letters of, dear over horrid sounds hath given us such varia- Phillips, yours always, J. MELFORD. tion of discord. The trampling of porters, the creaking and crashing of trunks, the snarling of curs, the scolding of women, the To DOCTOR LEWvS. squeaking and squalling of fiddles and hautboys out of tune, the bouncing of the Irish Bath, April ~2. baronet over head, and the bursting, belching, DEAR DoCTOR, —If I did not know that and brattling of the French horns in the pass- the exercise of your profession has habituated age (not to mention the harmonious peal you to the hearing of complaints, I should that still thunders from the abbey steeple), make a conscience of troubling you with my succeeding one another without interruption, correspondence, which may be truly called ilike the different parts of the same concert, The Lamentations of Jlatthew Bramble. have given me such an idea of what a poor Yet I cannot help thinking I have some right invalid has to expect in this temple, dedi- to discharge the overflowings of my spleen f-ated to silence and repose, that I shall cer- upon you, whose province it is to remove tainly shift my quarters to-morrow, and en- those disorders that occasioned it; and, let deavour to effectuate my retreat before Sir me tell you, it is no small alleviation of my Ulic opens the ball with my lady Macmanus, grievances, that I have a sensible friend, to a conjunction that bodes me no good." This whom I can communicate my crusty humours,.ntimation was by no means agreeable to which, by retention, would grow intolerably Mrs Tabitha, whose ears were not quite so acrimonious. delicate as those of her brother. She said it You must know, I find nothing but disapwould be great folly to move from such pointment at Bath, which is so altered, that. agreeable lodgings, the moment they were I can scarce believe it is the same place that nomfortably settled. She wondered he should I frequented about thirty years ago. aene such an enemy to music and mirth. She thinks I hear you say, —" Altered it is, withheard no noise but of his own making; it out all doubt; but then it is altered for the was impossible to manage a family in dumb better; a truth which, perhaps, you wouldt show. He might harp as long as he pleased own without hesitation, if you yourself was upon her scolding, but she never scolded not altered for the worse." The reflection eexcept for his advantage; but he would may, for aught I know, be just. The incon-never be satisfied, even tho'f she should veniences which I overlooked in the heyday sweat blood and water in his service. I have of health, will naturally strike with exaga great notion that our aunt, who is now de- gerated impression on the irritable nerves clinino into the most desperate state of celi- of an invalid, surprised by premature old bacy, had formed some design upon the heart aage, and shattered with long suffering. But, of Sir Ulic Mackilligut, which she feared I believe, you will not deny that this place, nmight be frustrated by our abrupt departure which Nature and Providence seem to have from these lodgings. HIer brother, eyeing intended as a resource from distemper and her askance,-" Pardon me, sister," said he, disquiet, is become the very centre of rackeL 6 I should be a savage, indeed, were I in- and dissipation. Instead of that peace, transensible of my own felicity, in having such a quillity, and ease, so necessary to those who mild, complaisant, good-humoured, and con- labour under bad health, weak nerves, and siderate companion and housekeeper; but irregular spirits, here we have nothing but as I have got a weak head, and my sense of noise, tumult, and hurry, with the fatigue hearing is painfully acute, before I have re- and slavery of maintaining a ceremonial, 326 2SMOLLETT'S SELECT WORKES. more stiff, formal, and oppressive, than the produces infinite mischief to the delicate and etiquette of a German elector. A national infirm; even the close chairs contrived for hospital it may be; but one would imagine, the sick, by standing in the open air, have that none but lunatics are admitted; and, their frieze lninins impregnated, like so truly, I will give you leave to call me so, if many sponges, wth tile moisture of the I stay much longer at Bath. But I shall atmosphere; aid those cases of cold vapour take another opportunity to explain my sen- must give a charming check to the perspiratiments at greater length on this subject. I tion of a patient, piping hot from the bath, was impatient to see the boasted improve- with all his pores wide open. ments in architecture, for which the upper But to return to the circus. It is inconparts of the town have been so much cele- venient from its situation, at so great a disbrated, and t'other day I made a circuit of tance from all the markets, baths and places all the new buildings. The square, though of public entertainment. The only entrance irregular, is, on the whole, pretty well laid to it, through Gay-street, is so difficult, steep, out, spacious, open, and airy; and, in my and slippery, that, in wet weather it must be opinion, by far the most wholesome and exceedingly dangerous, both for those that agreeable situation in Bath, especially the ride in carriages and those that walk a-foot upper side of it; but the avenues to it are and when the street is covered with snow, mean, dirty, dangerous and indirect. Its as it was fbr fifteen days successively this communication with the baths is through very winter, I don't see how any individual the yard of an inn, where the poor trembling could go either up or down without the most. valetudinarian is carried in a chair, betwixt imminent }hazard of broken bones. In blowthe heels of a double row of horses, wincing ing weather, I anm told, most of the houses under the curry-combs of grooms and postil- on this hill are smothered with smoke stuffed ions, over and above the hazard of being ob- down the chimneys by the gusts of wind, structed, or overturned by the carriages reverberated from the hill behind, which (I which are continually making their exit or apprehend likewise) must render the atmostheir entrance. I suppose, after some chair- phere here more humid and unwholesome men shall have been maimed, and a few than it is in the square below: for the clouds lives lost by those accidents, the corporation formed by the constant evaporation from the will think, in earnest, about providing a baths and rivers in the bottom, will, in their ~:more safe and commodious passage. The ascent this way, be first attracted and detaincircus is a pretty bauble, contrived for show, ed by the hill that rises close behind the cirand looks like Vespasian's ampitheatre turn- cus, and load the air with a perpetual suced outside in. If we consider it in point of cession of vapours; this point, however, may magnificence, the great number of small be easily ascertained by means of an hygrodoors belonging to the separate houses, the meter, or a paper of salt of tartar exposed to inconsiderable height of the different orders, the action of the atmosphere. The same the affected ornaments of the architrave, artist who planned the circus, has likewise which are both childish and misplaced, and projected a crescent; when that is finished, the areas protecting into the street, sur- we shall probably have a star; and those who rounded with iron rails, destroy a good part are living thirty years hence, may perhaps of its effect upon the eye; and, perhaps, we see all the signs of the zodiac exhibited in shall find it still more defective, if we view architecture at Bath. These, however fanit in the light of convenience. The figure of tastical, are still designs that denote some each separate dwelling-house, being the seg- ingenuity and knowledge in the architect; mnent of a circle, must spoil the symmetry but the rage of building has laid hold on such of the rooms, by contracting them towards a number of adventurers, that one sees new the street windows, and leaving a larger houses starting up in every outlet and every sweep in the space behind. If, instead of corner of Bath; contrived without judgment, the areas, and iron rails, which seem to be executed without solidity, and stuck togethof very little use, there had been a corridor er with so little regard to plan and propriety, with arcades all round, as in Covent-garden, that the different lines of the new rows and the appearance of the whole would have buildings interfere with, and intersect one been more magnificent and striking; those another in every different angle of conjuncarcades would have afforded an agreeable tion. They look like the wreck of streets covered walk, and sheltered the poor chair- and squares disjointed by an earthquake, men and their carriages from the rain, which which hath broken the ground into a variety:s here almost perpetual. At present, the of holes and hillocks; or, as if some Gothic chairs stand soaking in the streets, from devil had stuffed them altogether in a bag, -morning to night, till they become so many and left them to stand higgledy-piggledy, boxes of wet leather, for the benefit of the just as chance directed. What sort of a gouty and rheumatic, who are transported monster Bath will become in a few years, in them from place to place. Indeed, this with those growing excrescences, may be is a shocking inconvenience, that extends easily conceived; but the want of beauty Over the whole city; and I arm persuaded it and proportion is not the worstl effect of' EXPEDITION OF HUMPHRY CLINKER. 327 these new mansions; they are built so slight, turned into other channels, by incidents and with the soft crumbling stone found in this events which I do not pretend to foresee. neighbourhood, that I should never sleep qui- This, I own, is a subject on which I cannot etly in one of them, when it blowed (as the write with any degree of patience: for the sailors say) a capful of wind; and I am per- mob is a monster I never could abide, either suaded, that my hind, Roger Williams, or in its head, tail, midriff or members; I de., any man of equal strength, would be able to test the whole of it as a mass of ignorance, push his foot through the strongest part of presumption, malice and brutality; and in their walls, without any great exertion of his this term of reprobation I include, without nuscles. All these absurdities arise from respect of rank, station or quality, all those the general tide of luxury which hath over- of both sexes who affect its manners and spread the nation, and swept away all, even court its society. the very dregs of the people. Every upstart But I have written till my fingers are of fortune, harnessed in the trappings of the crampt; and my nausea begins to return.mode, presents himself at Bath, as in the By your advice, I sent to London a few days rery focus of observation. Clerks and fac- ago for half a pound of ginseng; though I tors from the East Indies, loaded with the doubt much whether that which comes from spoil of plundered provinces; planters, ne. America is equally efficacious with what is gro-drivers, and hucksters, from our Ameri- brought from the East Indies. Some years can plantations, enriched they know not how; ago a friend of mine paid sixteen guineas for agents, commissaries, and contractors, who two ounces of it; and in six months after it have fattened, in two successive wars, on was sold in the same shop for five shillings the blood of the nation; usurers, brokers, the pound. In short, we live in a vile world and jobbers of every kind; men of low birth of fraud and sophistication; so that. know and no breeding, have found themselves sud- nothing of equal value with the genuine denly translated into a state of affluence, friendship of a sensible man; a rare jewel! unknown to former ages; and no wonder which I cannot help thinking myself in posthat their brains should be intoxicated with session of, while I repeat the old declaration, pride9 vanity and presumption. Knowing that I am, as usual, dear Lewis, no other criterion of greatness but the osten- Your affectionate.tation of wealth, they discharge their afflu- M. BRAMBLE. ence without taste or conduct, through every After having been agitated in a short hurchannel of the most absurd extravagance; ricane, on my first arrival, I have taken a and all of them hurry to Bath, because here, small house in Milsham Street, where I am without any farther qualification, they can tolerably well lodged for five guineas a week. mingm e with the princes and nobles of the land. I was yesterday at the pump-room, and Even the wives and daughters of low trades- drank about a pint of the water, which men, who, like shovel-nosed sharks, prey seems to agree with my stomach; and toupon the blubber of these uncouth whales of morrow morning I shall bathe for the first fortune, are infected with the same rage of time; so that, in a few posts, you may expect displaying their importance; and the slight- further trouble. Meanwhile, I am glad to est indisposition serves them for a pretext to find that the inoculation has succeeded so insist upon being conveyed to Bath, where well with poor Joyce, and that her face will they may hobble country-dances and cotilli- be but little marked. If my friend Sir Thoons among lordlings, squires, counsellors, mas was a single man, I would not trust such and clergy. These. delicate creatures from a handsome wench in his family; but as I -Bedfordbury, Butcher-row, Crutched-Friars, have recommended her, in a particular manand Botolph-lane, cannot breathe in the ner, to the protection of Lady G —, who gross air of thelower town, or conform to is one of the best women in the world, she the vulgar rules of a common lodging house; may go thither without hesitation, as soon the husband, therefore, must provide an en- as she is quite recovered, and fit for service tire house or elegant apartments, in the new -let her mother have money to provide her buildings. Such is the composition of what with necessaries, and she may ride behind is called the fashionable company at Bath; her brother on Bucks; but you must lay where a very inconsiderable proportion of strong injunctions on Jack, to take particugenteel people are lost in a mob of impudent lar care of the trusty old veteran, who has plebians, who have neither understanding faithfully earned his present ease by his past nor judgment, nor the least idea of propriety services. and decorum; and seem to enjoy nothing so much as an opportunity of insulting their betters. To MISS WILLIS, AT GLOUCESTER. Thus the number of people and the number of houses continue to increase; and this Bath, April 26. will ever be the case, till the streams that MY DEAREST CoMPANMoN,-The pleaswell this irresistible torrent of folly and ex- sure I received from yours, when it came to travagance, shall either be exhausted, or hand yesterday, is not to be expressed. Love Viva,,?'SaoSMOLLETT'S SELECT WORKS. and friendship are, without doubt, charming should make her appearance in the bath, as passions; which absence serves only to well as in the abbey church, contrived a cap heighten and improve. Your kind present with cherry-coloured ribbons to suit her comof the garnet bracelets I shall keep as care- plexion, and obliged Win to attend her yesfully as I preserve my own life; and I beg terday morning in the water. But, really, you will accept, in return, of my heart-house- her eyes were so red, that they made mine wife, with the tortoise-shell memorandum- water as I viewed her from the pump-room; book, as a trifling pledge of my unalterable and as for poor Win, who wore a hat trimaffection. med with blue, what betwixt her wan cormBath is to me a new world-all is gaiety, plexion and her fear, she looked like the ghost good-humour and diversion. The eye is of some pale maiden, who had drowned continually entertained with the splendour herself for love. When she came out of of dress and equipage, and the ear with the the bath, she took assafcetida drops, and was sound of coaches, chaises, chairs and other fluttered all day, so that we could hardly carriages. The merry bells ring round, keep her from going into hysterics: but her from morn till night. Then we are welcomed mistress says it will do her good, and poor by the city waits in our own lodgings: we Win courtesies with the tears in her eyes, have music in the pump-room every morning, For my part, I content myself with drinking cotillions every forenoon in the rooms, balls about half a pint of the water every morning. twice a-week, and concerts every other The pumper, with his wife and servant, night; besides private assemblies, and par- attend in a bar; and the glasses, of different ties without number. As soon as we were sizes, stand ranged in order before them, so settled in lodgings, we were visited by the you have nothing to do but to point at that master of the ceremonies; a pretty little which you choose, and it is filled immediately, gentleman, so sweet, so fine, so civil, and hot and sparkling from the pump. It is the polite, that in our country he might pass for only hot water I could ever drink without the prince of Wales; then he talks so being sick. Far from having that effect, it charmingly, both in verse and prose, that you is rather agreeable to the taste, grateful to would be delighted to hear him discourse: the stomach, and reviving to the spirits, for you must know he is a great writer, and You cannot imagine what wonderful cures it has got five tragedies ready for the stage. performs. My uncle began with it the other He did us the favour to dine with us, by my day; but he made wry faces in drinking, uncle's invitation; and next day squired my and I am afraid he will leave it off. The aunt and me to every part of Bath, which, to first day we came to Bath he fell into a viobe sure, is an earthly paradise. The square, lent passion, beat two blackamoors, and I the circus, and the parades, put me in mind was afraid he would have fought with their of the sumptuous palaces represented in roaster; but the stranger proved a peaceable prints and pictures; and the new buildings, man. To be sure, the gout had got into his such as Prince's Row, Harlequin's Row, head, as my aunt observed; but, I believe, Bladud's Row, and twenty other rows, like his passion drove it away, fior he has been so many enchanted castles raised on hang- remarkably well ever since. It is a thousand ing terraces. pities he should ever be troubled with that At eight in the morning we go in disha- ugly distemper: for, when he is free from bille to the pump-room, which is crowded pain, he is the besfttempered man upon earth; like a Welsh fair; and there you see the sogentle, so generous, so charitable, thatevery highest quality and the lowest tradesfolks body loves him; and so good to me in particjostling each other without ceremony,- ular, that I shall never be able to show the deep hail fellow! well met! The noise of the sense I have of his tenderness and affection. music playing in the gallery, the heat and Hard by the pump-room is a coffee-house flavour of such a crowd, and the hum and for the ladies; but my aunt says, young buzz of their conversation, gave me the girls are not admitted, inasmuch as the conheadach and vertigo the first day; but after- versation turns upon politics, scandal, philowards all these things became familiar, and sophy, and other subjects above our capacity; even agreeable. Right under the pump-room but we are allowed to accompany them to windows is the king's bath; a huge cistern, the bookseller's shops, which are charming where you see the patients up to their necks places of resort, where we read novels, plays, in hot water, The ladies wear jackets and pamphlets, and newspapers, for so small a petticoats of brown linen, with chip hats, in subscription as a crown a quarter; and in which they fix their handkerchiefs to wipe the these offices of intelligence (as my brother sweat from their faces; but, truly, whether calls them), all the reports of the day, and it is owing to the steam that surrounds all the private transactions of the bath, are them, or the heat of the water, or the nature first entered and discussed. From the bookof the dress, or to all these causes together, seller's shop we make a tour througlh the they look so flushed and so frightfui, that I milliners and toymen, and commonly stop at always turn my eyes another way. MAy Mr Gill's the pastry-cook, to take a jelly, a a.uvnt, who says every person of ashlion tart, or a small basin of vermicelli. There EXPEDITION OF HUMPHRY CLINKER. 329 is, moreover, another place of entertainment with assuring you, that neither Bath, nor on the other side of the water, opposite to London, nor all the diversions of life, shall the grove, to which the company cross over ever be able to efface the idea of my dear in a boat. It is called Spring Gardens; a Letty, from the heart of her ever affectionate sweet retreat, laid out in walks and ponds LYDIA MEL~FORD. and parterres of flowers: and there is a long room for breakfasting and dancing. As the situation is low and damp, and the season has To Mns ManY JONEs, AT BiRAiLBLETONbeen remarkably wet, my uncle won't suffer HALL. me to go thither, lest I should catch cold: but my aunt says it is all a vulgar prejudice DeArn MOLLa JoNEs, —Iieaving got a and, to be sure, agreat many gentlemen and frank, I now return your fever, which I reladies of Ireland frequent the place, without ceived by Mr Higgins at the hot-well, toseeming to be the worse for it. They say, gether with the stockings which his wife dancing at Spring Gardens, where the air is footed for me; but now they are of no sermoist, is recommended to them as an excel- vice. No body wears such things in this lent cure for the rheumatism. I have been place. O TMolly! you that live in the countwice at the play, where, notwithstanding try have no deception of our doings at Bath. the excellence of the performers, the gaiety Here is such dressing, and fiddling, and dancof the company, and the decorations of the ing, and gadding, and courting, and plottingtheatre, which are very fine, I could not help O gracious Ii' God had not given me a good reflecting with a sigh, upon our poor homely stock of discretion, what a power of things representations at Gloucester. But this in might I not reveal, concerning old mistress confidence to my dear Willis. You know my and young mistress; Jews with beards that heart, and will excuse its weakness. were no Jews, but handsome Christians, After all, the great scenes of entertain- without a hair upon their sin, strolling with ment at Bath are the two public rooms, spectacles, to get speech of Miss Liddy. where the company meet alternately every But she's a dear sweet soul, as innocent as evening. They are spacious, lofty, and, the child unborn. She has tould me all her when lighted up, appear very striking. They inward thoughts, and disclosed her passion are generally crowded with well-dressed pen- for PMr Wilson; and that's not his name ple, who drink tea in separate fparties, pla,y neither; and tho'f he acted among the playerat cards, walk, or sit and chat together, just men, he is meat for their masters; and she as they are disposed. Twice a-week there has gi'en me her yellow trolopea, which is a ball, the expense of which is defirayed MIVrs Drab, the manty-maker, says will look by a voluntary subscription among the gen- very well when it is scowred and smoaked tlemen; and every subscriber has three tick- with silfur-you knows as how yaiiow fitts ets. I was there Friday last with my aunt, myfizzogmony. God he knows what havoc under the care of my brother, who is a sub- I shall make among the mail sex, when I scriber; and Sir Ulic Miackilligut recom- make my first appearance in this killing colmended his nephew, Captain O'Donaghan, lar, with a full soot of gaze, as good as new, to me as a partner; but Jerry excused him- that I bought last Friday of Madam Fripoself, by saying I had got the headach; and neau, the French mullaner. Dear girl, I indeed it was really so, though I can't ima- have seen all the fine shows of Bath; the gine how he knew it. The place was so prades, the squires, and the circlis, the hot, and the smell so different from what we crashit, the hotogon, and Bloody Buildings, are used to in the country, that I was quite and Harry King's Row; and I have been feverish when we came away. Aunt says it twice in the bath with mistress, and n'ar a is the effect of a vulgar constitution, reared smoak upon our backs, hussy. The first among woods and mountains; and that, as I time I was mortally afraid, and flustered all become accustomed to genteel company, it day, and afterwards made believe that I had will wear off. Sir Ulic was very complai- got the heddic; but mistress said, if I didn't sant, made her a great many high-flown com- go, I should take a dose of bumtafiy; and so pliments, and, when we retired, handed her remembering how it worked Mrs Gwyllim a with great ceremony to her chair. The pennorth, I chose rather to go again with captain, I believe, would have done me the her into the bath, and then I met with an same favour; but my brother, seeing him axident. I dropt my petticoat, and could advance, took me under his arm, and wished not get it up from the bottom-but what did him good night. The captain is a pretty that signify?-they mought laW, but they man, to be sure; tall and straight, and well could see nothing; for I was up to the sin made, with light grey eyes, and a Roman in water. To be sure, it threw me into such nose; but there is a certain boldness in his a gumbustion, that I know not what I said, nor look and manner that puts one out of coun- what I did, nor how they got me out, and wrapt tenance. ButI am afraid I have put you out me in a blanket-Mrs Tabitha scoulded a of all patience with this long unconnected little when we got home; but she knows as I scrawl; which I shall therefore conclude, knows what's whlat-Ah, Laud help you!5 K* 000 S.11)SMOLLETT'S SELECT WORKS. There is Sir Yuri Mickligut, of Balnaclinch, better than noncompush. lie would give in the county of Kalloway-I took down the away the shirt off his back, and the teeth out name from his gentleman, Mr O Frizzle, of his head; nay, as for that matter, he and he has got an estate of fifteen hundred would have ruinated the family with his ridia-year-I am sure he is both rich and gene- culous charities, if it had not been for my rous. But you nose, Molly, I was always four quarters. What, between his wilfulness famous for keeping secrets; and so he was and his waste, his trumps and his frenzy, I very safe in trusting me with his flegm for lead the life of an indented slave. Alderney mistress, which, to be sure, is very honour- gave four gallons a-day ever since the calf able; for Mr O Frizzle assures me, he values was sent to market. There is so much milk not her portion a brass varthing —and, in- out of my dairy, and the press must stand deed, what's poor ten thousand pounds to a still:-but I won't loose a cheese-paring; baron-knight of his fortune? and, truly, I told and the milk shall be made good, if the sar-!,,fr O Frizzle that was all she had to trust vants should go without butter. If' they to. As for John Thomas, he's a morass must needs have butter, let them make it of feilor-I vow I thought he would a fit with sheep's milk; but then my wool will suffer Mir O Frizzle, because he axed me to dance for want of grace; so that I must be a loser with him at Spring Garden-but God he on all sides. Well, patience is like a stout knows I have no thought eyther of wan Welsh poney; it bears a good deal, and trots or t'other. a great way, but it will tire at the long run. As for house news, the worst is, Chowder — Before its long, perhaps I may show h}as fallen off greatly firom his stomick-he 5Matt that I was not born to be the household eats nothing but white meats, and not much drudge to my dying day. Gwyn rites from of that; and wheezes and seems to be much Crickbowel, that the price of flannel is fallen bloated. The doctors think he is threatened three farthings an ell; and that's another with a dropsy-Parson Marrowfat, who has good penny out of my pocket. When I go got the same disorder, finds great benefit to market to sell, my commodity stinks; but from the waters; but Chowder seems to like when I want to buy the commonest thing, them no better than the squire; and mistress the owner pricks it up under my nose, and it says, if his case don't take a favourable turn, can't be had for love nor money-I think she will certainly carry him to Aberga'nny every thing runs cross at Brambleton-hall. to drink goat's whey —to be sure, the poor You say the gander has broke the egws, dear honymil is lost for want of axercise; which is a phinumenon I don't understand; fbr which reason she intends to give him an for, when the fox carried off the old goose airing once a-day upon the downs in a post- last year. he took her place, and hatched the chaise. I have already made very creditable eggs, and partected the goslings like a tender correxions in this here place, where, to be parent. Then you tell me the thunder has sure, we have the very squintasence of satiety soured two barrels of bear in the seller. But -Mrs Patcher, Mily Lady Kilmacullock's how the thunder should get there, when the wornan, and I, are sworn sisters. She has seller was double locked, I can't compreshown me all her secrets, and learned me to hend. Howsomever, I won't have the bear wash gaze, and refrash rusty silks, and bum- thrown out till I see it with mine own eyes. beseens, by boiling them with winegar, chai- Perhaps it will recover-at least it will serve berlaye, and stale beer. My short sack and for vinegar to the sarvants. You may leave apron luck as good as new from the shop, off the fires in my brother's chamber and and my pumpy-door as fresh as a rose, by mine, as it is unsartin when we return. I the help of turtle-water-but this is all Greek hope, Gwyllirn, you'll take care there is no and Latten to you, Molly. If we should waste; and have an eye to the maids, and come to Aberga'nny, you'll be within a day's keep them to their spinning. I think they ride of us; and then we shall see wan an- may go very well without bear in hot weaother, please God. If not, remember me in ther-it serves only to inflame the blood, and your prayers, as I shall do by you in mine; set them agog after the men: water will and take care of my kitten, and give my kind make them fair, and keep them cool and sarvice to Saul; and this is all at present, tamparit. Don't forget to put up in the portfrom your beloved friend and sarvent, mantle, that cums with Williams, along with WINIFRED JENKINS. my riding-habit, hat, and feather, the vial of Bath, April 26. purl-water, and the tinctur for my stomach; being as how I am much troubled with flutterencies. This is all at present from yours, To0 MiRS GWYLLISE, HOUrSEKEEPER AT TABITHA BRAMBLE. BRAMBLETON-HALL. Bath, April 26. I am astonished that Dr Lewis should take ipon him to give away Alderney, without To DR LEwIs. my privity and concurrants. What signifies my brother's order?-my brother is little I DEAR DIcic, —I have done with the wa EXPEDITION OF HUMPHRY CLINKER. 331 ters; therefore your advice comes a day too am against any farther use of the Bath walate. I grant that physic is no mystery of ters, this consideration would give me little your making. I know it is a mystery in its disturbance, if I could find any thing more own nature, and, like other mysteries, re- pure, or less pernicious, to quench my thirst; quires a strong gulp of faith to make it go but although the natural springs of excellent down. Two days ago I went into the king's water are seen gushing spontaneous, on bath, by the advice of our friend, Ch —, in every side, from the hills that surround us, order to clear the strainer of the skin, for the the inhabitants in general make use of wellbenefit of a free perspiration; and the first water, so impregnated with nitre, or allum, object that saluted my eye was a child, full or some other villainous mineral, that it is of scrofulous ulcers, carried in the arms of equally ungrateful to the taste, and mischievone of the guides, under the very noses of ous to the constitution. It must be owned, the bathers. I was so shocked at the sight, indeed, that here, in Milsham-street, we have that I retired immediately, with indignation a precarious and scanty supply from the hill, and disgust. Suppose the matter of those which is collected in an open basin in the ulcers, floating in the water, comes in con- circus, liable to be defiled with dead dogs, tact with my skin, when the pores are all cats, rats, and every species of nastiness, open, I would ask you what must be the con- which the rascally populace may throw into sequence? Good heavens! the very thought it, from mere wantonness and brutality. makes my blood run cold! We know not Well, there is no nation that drinks so what sores may be running into the water hoggishly as the English. What passes for while we are bathing, and what sort of mat- wine among us is not the juice of the grape: ter we may thus imbibe; the king's evil, the it is an adulterous mixture, brewed up of scurvy, the cancer, and the pox; and, no nauseous ingredients, by dunces, who are doubt, the heat will render the virus the more bunglers in the art of poison-making; yet volatile and penetrating. To purify myself we and our forefathers are, and have been, from all such contamination, I went to the poisoned by this cursed drench, without taste duke of Kingston's private bath, and there I or flavour. The only genuine and wholesome was almost suffocated for want of free air, beverage in England is London porter, and the place was so small, and the steam so Dorchester table-beer; but as for your ale stifling. and your gin, your cyder and your perry, and After all, if the intention is no more than all the trashy family of made wines, I detest to wash the skin, I am convinced that simple them as infernal compositions, contrived for element is more effectual than any water the destruction of the human species. But impregnated with salt and iron, which, being what have I to do with the human species. astringent, will certainly contract the pores, Except a very few friends, I care not if the and leave a kind of crust upon the surface whole was -., of the body. But I am now as much afraid Hark ye, Lewis, my misanthropy increases of drinking as of bathing; for, after a long every day. The longer I live, I find the conversation with the doctor, about the con- folly and the fraud of mankind grow more struction of the pump and the cistern, it is and more intolerable. I wish I had not very far from being clear with me, that the come from Brambleton-hall; after having patients in the pump-room don't swallow the lived in solitude so long, I cannot bear the scourings of the bathers. I can't help sus- hurry and impertinence of the multitude. pecting, that there is, or may be, some re- Besides, every thing is sophisticated in these gurgitation from the bath into the cistern crowded places. Snares are laid for our of the pump. In that case, what a delicate lives in every thing we eat or drink; the beverage is every day quaffed by the drink- very air we breathe is loaded with contagion. ers, medicated with the sweat, and dirt, and We cannot even sleep without risk of indandriff, and the abominable discharges of fection. I say infection-this place is the various kinds, from twenty different diseased rendezvous of the diseased-you won't deny bodies, par-boiling in the kettle below! In that many diseases are infectious; even the order to avoid this filthy composition, I had consumption itself is highly infectious. recourse to the spring that supplies the pri- When a person dies of it in Italy, the bed vate baths on the abbey-green; but I at once and bedding are destroyed; the other furniperceived something extraordinary in the ture is exposed to the weather, and the taste and smell; and, upon inquiry, I find apartment white-washed, befbre it is occuthat the Roman baths in this quarter were pied by any other living soul. You'll allow, found covered by an old burying-ground be- that nothing receives infection sooner, or relonging to the abbey, through which, in all tains it longer, than blankets, feather-beds, probability, the water drains in its passage; and matresses.'Sdeath! how do I know so that, as we drink the decoction of living what miserable objects have been stewing in bodies at the pump-room, we swallow the the bed where I now lie! —I wonder, Dick, strainings of rotten bones and carcasses at you did not put.me in mind of sendino for the private bath. I vow to God. the very my own matresses-but, if I had not been an idea turns my stornach!-Determined as I ass, I should not have needed a remembran 332 SMOLLETT'S SELECT WORKS. cer. There is always some plaguy reflection stay in the place, he is sure of meeting with that rises up in judgment against me, and some particular friend whom he did not exruffles mry spirits-therefore, let us change pect to see; and to me there is nothing the subject. more agreeable than such casual rencounters. I have other reasons for abridging my stay Another entertainment, peculiar to Bath, at Bath. You know sister Tabby's com- arises from the general mixture of all deplexion-if Mrs Tabitha Bramble had been grees, assembled in our public rooms, withof any other race, I should certainly have out distinction of rank or fortune. This is looked upon her as the most.. But the what my uncle reprobates as a monstrous truth is, she has found means to interest my jumble of heterogeneous principles; a vile affection; or rather, she is beholden to the mob of noise and impertinence, without deforce of prejudice, commonly called the ties cency or subordination. But this chaos is to of blood. WTell, this amiable maiden has me a source of infinite amusement. actually commenced a flirting correspond- I was extremely diverted, last ball night, cnce with an Irish baronet of sixty-five. His to see the master of the ceremonies leading, name is Sir Ulic Mackilligut. He is said to with great solemnity, to the upper end of the be much out at elbows; and, I believe, has room, an antiquated abigail, dressed in her received false intelligence with respect to lady's cast clothes; whoni he (i suppose) her fortune. Be that as it may, the connec- mistook for some countess just arrived at the tion is exceedingly ridiculous, and begins Bath. The ball was opened by a Scotch a!ready to excite whispers. For my part, I lord, with a mulatto heiress, from St Chrisleave no intention to dispute her free agency; topher's; and the gay colonel Tinsel danced thfough I shall fall upon some expedient to all the evening with the daughter of an emiuodeceive her paramour as to the point nent tinman from the borough of Southwark. hJ-ich he has principally in view. But I Yesterday morning, at the pump-room, I don't think her conduct is a proper example saw a broken-winded Wapping landlady for Liddy, who has also attracted the notice squeeze through a circle of peers, to salute of som Ie coxcombs in the rooms; and Jerry her brandy merchant, who stood by the wintells me, he suspects a strapping fellow, the dow, propped upon crutches; and a paralytic knight's nephew, of some design upon the attorney of Shoe-lane, in shuffling up to the girl's heart. I shall therefore keep a strict bar, kicked the shins of the chancellor of eye over her aunt and her, and even shift England, while his lordship, in a cut bob, the scene, if I find the matter grow more drank a glass of water at the pump. I canserious. You perceive what an agreeable not account for my being pleased with these task it must be, to a man of my kidney, to incidents any other way than by saying they have the cure of such souls as these. But, are truly ridiculous in their own nature, and hold, you shall not have another peevish serve to heighten the humour in the farce of word (till the next occasion) from yours, life, which I am determined to enjoy as long MATT. BRAMBLE. as I can. Bath, April 28. Those follies that move my uncle's spleen excite my laughter. He is as tender as a man without a skin, who cannot bear the slightest o SR WATATIIN PHILLIPS, BART. OF JESUS touch without flinching. What tickles anCOLLEGE, OXON. other, would give him torment; and yet he has what we may call lucid intervals, when DE,. TR N'IGHT,-I think those people are he is remarkably facetious. Indeed, I never unreasonable, who complain that Bath is a knew a hypochondriac so apt to be infected contracted circle, in which the same dull with good humour. Hle is the most risible scenes perpetually revolve, without varia- misanthrope I ever met with. A lucky joke, tin1. I am, on the contrary, amazed to find or any ludicrous incident, will set him aso) small a place so crowded with entertain- laughing immoderately, even in one of his ient and variety. London itself can hardly most gloomy paroxysms; and when the exhibit one species of diversion to which we laugh is over, he will curse his own imbehave not something analogous at Bath, over cility. In conversing with strangers, he beand above those singular advantages that trays no marks of disquiet-he is splenetic are peculiar to the place. Here, for exam- with his familiars only; and not even with idle, a man has daily opportunities of seeing them, while they keep his attention employthe most remarkable characters of the com- ed; but, when his spirits are not exerted munity. He sees them in their natural atti- externally, they seem to recoil, and prey tudes and true colours, descended from their upon himself. He has renounced the waters pedestals, and divested of their formal dra- with execration; but he begins to find a peries, undisguised by art and affectation. more efficacious, and, certainly, a much Hfere we have ministers of state, judges, more palatable remedy in the pleasures of generals, bishops, projectors, philosophers, society. He has discovered some old friends wits, poets, players, chemists, fiddlers, and among the invalids at Bath; and in partibuffoons. f1 he makes any considerable cular, renewed his acquaintance with the EXPEDITION OF HUMPHRY CLINKERo 333 celebrated James Quin, who certainly did that seems to confirm the judgment of those not come here to drink water. You cannot two cynic philosophers.1 I took the liberty doubt but that I had the strongest curiosity to differ in opinion from Mr Bramble, when to know this original; and it was gratified he observed, that the mixture of people by Mr Bramble, who has had him twice at in the entertainments of this place was deour house to dinner. structive of all order and urbanity; that it So far as I am able to judge, Quin's charac- rendered the plebeians insufferably arrogant ter is rather more respectable than it has been and troublesome, and vulgarized the deportgenerally represented. His bon mots are in ment and sentiments of those who moved in every witling's mouth; but many of them the upper spheres of life. He said, such a have a rank flavour, which one would be apt preposterous coalition would bring us into to think was derived firom a natural gross- contempt with all our neighbours; and was ness of idea. I suspect, however, that jus- worse, in fact, than debasing the gold coin tice has not been done the author by the col- of the nation. I argued, on the contrary, lectors of those Quiniana, who have let the that those plebians who discovered such best of them slip through their fingers, and eagerness to imitate the dress and equipage only retained such as were suited to the of their superiors, would likewise, in time, taste and organs of the multitude. How far adopt their maxims and their manners, be he may relax in his hours of jollity, I cannot polished by their conversation, and refined by pretend to say; but his general conversation their example; but when I appealed to Mr is conducted by the nicest rules of propriety; Quin, and asked if he did not think that such and Mr James Quin is certainly one of the an unreserved mixture would improve the best bred men in the kingdom. He is not whole mass,-" Yes," said he, " as a plate only a most agreeable companion, but (as I of marmalade would improve a pan of siram credibly informed) a very honest -man; reverence." highly susceptible of friendship, warm, I owned I was not much conversant in steady, and even generous in his attach- high life, but I had seen what were called ments; disdaining flattery, and incapable of polite assemblies in London and elsewhere; meanness and dissimulation. Were I to that those of Bath seemed to be as decent as judge, however, from Quin's eye alone, I any; and that, upon the whole, the indivishould take him to be proud, insolent, and duals that composed it would not be found cruel. There is something remarkably se- deficient in good manners and decorum. vere and forbidding in his aspect; and I " But let us have recourse to experience," have been told he was ever disposed to insult said I; "Jack Holder, who was intended for his inferiors and dependents. Perhaps that a parson, has succeeded to an estate of two report has influenced my opinion of his looks thousand a-year, by the death of his elder -you know we are the fools of prejudice. brother. lie is now at the Bath, driving:I-lowsoever that may be, I have as yet seen about in a phmton and four, with French nothing but his favourable side; and my horns. He has treated with turtle and claret uncle, who fiequently confers with him in a at all the taverns in Bath and Bristol, till his corner, declares he is one of the most sensi- guests are gorged with good cheer: he has ble men he ever knew. He seems to have a bought a dozen suits of fine clothes, by the reciprocal regard for old squaretoes, whom advice of the master of the ceremonies, under he calls by the familiar name of Matthew, whose tuition he has entered himself: he has and often reminds of their old tavern adven- lost some hundreds at billiards to sharpers, tures; on the other hand, Matthew's eyes and taken one of the nymphs of Avon-street sparkle whenever Quin makes his appear- into keeping; but, finding' all these channels ance. Let him be never so jarring and dis- insufficient to drain him of his current cash, cordant, Quin puts him in tune; and, like his counsellor has engaged him to give a treble and bass in the same concert, they generaltea-drinkingto-morrowat Wiitshire's make excellent music together. T'other room. In order to give it the more eclat, day, the conversation turning upon Shaks- every table is to be furnished with sweetpeare, I could not help saying, with some meats and nosegays, which, however, are emotion, that I would give a hundred guineas not to be touched till notice is given by the to see Mr Quin act the part of Falstaff; upon ringing of a bell, and then the ladies may which, turning to me with a smile,-" And help themselves without restriction. This I would give a thousand, young gentleman," will be no bad way of trying the company's said lie, " that I could gratify your longing." breeding. My uncle and he are perfectly agreed in "I will abide by that experiment," cried their estimate of life, which, Quin says, my uncle; "and if I could find a place to would stink in his nostrils, if he did not steep stand secure without the vortex of the tumult, it in claret. which I know will ensue, I would certainly I want to see this phenomlerlon in his cups; go thither and enjoy the scene." Quin proand have almost prevailed upon uncleto give posed that we should take our station in him a small turtle at the Bear. In the mean the music gallery, and we took his advice. time, I must entertain you with an incident Holder had got thither before us, wvith his 334 $SMOLLETT'S SELECT WORKS. horns perdue; but we were admitted. The was once vastly entertained with your playtea-drinking passed as usual; and the corn- ing the ghost of Gimlet at Drury-lane, when pany having risen from the tables, were you rose up through the stage, with a white sauntering in groups, in expectation of the face and red eyes, and spoke of quails upon signal for attack, when, the bell beginning the frightful porcupine. Do, pray, spout to ring, they flew with eagerness to the des- a little the ghost of Gimlet." " Madam," sert, and the whole place was instantly in said Quin, with a glance of ineffable disdain, commotion. There was nothing but justling, " the ghost of Gimlet is laid, never to rise scrambling, pulling, snatching, struggling, again." Insensible of this check, she proscolding, and screaming. The nosegays ceeded. "Well, to be sure, you looked and were torn from one another's hands and bo- talked so like a real ghost-and then the soms; the glasses and china went to wreck; cock crowed so natural-I wonder how you the tables and floor were strewed with com- could teach him to crow so exact in the very fits. Some cried, some swore, and the tropes nick of time; but I suppose he's game-an't and figures of Billingsgate were used without he game, Mr Gwynn" " Dunghill, madam." reserve in all their native zest and flavour; " Well, dunghill or not dunghill, he has got nor were those flowers of rhetoric unattended such a clear counter-tenor, that I wish I had with significant gesticulation. Some snap. such another at Brambleton-hall, to wake the ped their fingers, some forked them out, maids of a morning. Do you know where some clapped their hands, and some their I could find one of his brood l"." Probably backsides; at length they fairly proceeded in the workhouse of St Giles's parish, madam; to pulling caps, and every thing seemed to but I protest I know not his particular mew." presage a general battle, when Holder order- My uncle, frying with vexation, cried —" Good ed his horns to sound a charge, with a view God, sister, how you talk! I have told you to animate the combatants, and inflame the twenty times that this gentleman's name contest; but this manceuvre produced an is not Gwynn." "Hoity, toity, brother of effect quite contrary to what he expected. mine," she replied, 1"no offence, I hopeIt was a note of reproach that roused them Gwynn is an honourable name, of true old to an immediate sense of their disgraceful British extraction —I thought the gentleman situation. They were ashamed of their ab- had been come of Mrs Helen Gwynn, who surd deportment, and suddenly desisted. was of his own profession; and if so be that They gathered up their caps, ruffles, and were the case, he might be of King Charles's handkerchiefs; and great part of them re- breed, and have royal blood in his veins." tired in silent mortification. " No, madam," answered Quin, with great Quin laughed at this adventure, but my solemnity, " my mother was not a w- of uncle's delicacy was hurt. He hung his such distinction-true it is, I amn sometimes head in manifest chagrin, and seemed to re- tempted to believe myself of royal descent; pine at the triumph of his judgment. Indeed for my inclinations are often arbitrary-if I his victory was more complete than he im- was an absolute prince at this instant, I beagined; for, as we afterwards learned, the lieve I should send for the head of your cook two amazons who signalized themselves most in a charger-she has committed felony oil in the action, did not come from the purlieus the person of that John Dory, which is mans of Puddledock, but from the courtly neigh- gled in a cruel manner, and even presented bourhood of St James's palace. One was a without sauce —O templore! 0 mores!' baroness, and the other a wealthy knight's This good-humoured sally turned the con4 dowager. My uncle spoke not a word till versation into a less disagreeable channelwe had made our retreat good to the coffee- but lest you should think my scribble as house, where, taking off his hat, and wiping tedious as Mrs Tabby's clack, I shall not add lis forehead,-"' I bless God," said he, " that another word, but that I am, as usual, yours, MIrs Tabitha Bramble did not take the field J. MELFORD. to-day."' "I would pit her for a cool hun- Bath, April 30. dred," cried Quin, "against the best shakebag of the whole main." The truth is, nothing could have kept her at home but the To DOCTOR LEWIS. accident of her having taken physic before she knew the nature of the entertainment. DEAR LEWIs,-I received your bill upon She has been for some days furbishing up Wiltshire, which was punctually honoured; an old suit of black velvet, to make her ap- but, as I don't choose to keep so much cash pearance as Sir Ulic's partner at the next ball. by me in a common lodging-house, I have T have much to say of this amiable kins- deposited ~250 in the bank of Bath, and woman; but she has not been properly in- shall take their bills for it on London, when troduced to your acquaintance. She is re- I leave this place, where the season draws markably civil to Mr Quin, of whose sarcastic to an end-you must know, that now being humour she seems to stand in awe; but her a-foot, I am resolved to give Liddy a glimpse caution is no match for her impertinence. of London. She is one of the best-hearted "Mr Gwynn," said she the other day, "I creatures I ever knew, and gains upon my EXPEDITION OF HUMPHIRY CLINKER. 335 affection every day. As for Tabby, I have was what remained of Colonel Cockril, who dropped such hints to the Irish baronet, con- had lost the use of his limbs in making an cerning her fortune, as, I make no doubt, American campaign; and the telescope will cool the ardour of his addresses. Then proved to be my college chum, Sir Reginald her pride will take the alarm; and the ran- Bentley, who, with his new title, and unexcour of stale maidenhood being chafed, we pected inheritance, commenced fox-hunter, shall hear nothing but slander and abuse of without having served his apprenticeship to Sir Ulic Mackilligut-this rupture, I fore- the mystery; and, in consequence of followsee, will facilitate our departure from Bath; ing the hounds through a river, was seized where, at present, Tabby seems to enjoy with an inflammation in his bowels, which herself with peculiar satisfaction. For my has contracted him into his present attitude. part, I detest it so much, that I should not Our former correspondence was forthwith have been able to stay so long in the place, renewed, with the most hearty expressions if I had not discovered some old friends, of mutual good-will; and, as we had met so whose conversation alleviates my disgust. unexpectedly, we agreed to dine together Going to the coffeehouse one forenoon, I that very day at the tavern. My friend could not help contemplating the company Quin, being luckily unengaged, obliged us with equal surprise and compassion. We with his company; and, truly, this was the consisted of thirteen individuals; seven lamed most happy day I have passed these twenty by the gout, rheumatism, or palsy; three years. You and I, Lewis, having been nmaimed by accident; and the rest either deaf always together, never tasted friendship in or blind. One hobbled, another hopped, a this high gout, contracted from long absence. third dragged his legs after him like a wound- I cannot express the half of what I felt at ed snake, a fourth straddled betwixt a pair this casual meeting of three or fbur companof long crutches, like the mummy of a felon ions, who had been so long separated, and hanging in chains; a fifth was bent in an so roughly treated by the storms of life. It horizontal position, like a mounted telescope, was a renovation of youth; a kind of resus-. shoved in by a couple of chairmen; and a citation of the dead, that realized those insixth was the bust of a man set upright in a teresting dreams in which we sometimes wheel machine, which the waiter moved from retrieve our ancient friends from the grave. place to place. Perhaps my enjoyment was rnot the less Being struck with some of their faces, I pleasing for being mixed with a strain of consulted the subscription-bool; and, per- melancholy, produced by the remembrance ceiving the names of several old friends, of past scenes, that conjured up the ideas of began to consider the group with more atten- some endearing connections, which the hand tion. At length I discovered Rear-admiral of death has actually dissolved. Balderick, the companion of my youth, xvhomn The spirits and good humour of the comI had not seen since he was appointed lieu- pany seemed to triumph over the wreck of tenant of the Severn. He was metamor- their constitutions. They had even philosophosed into an old man, with a wooden leg phy enough to joke upon their own calamiand a weather-beaten face; which appeared ties; such is the power offriendship, the sovethe more ancient from his grey locks, that reign cordial of life. I afterwards found, howwere truly venerable. Sitting down at the ever, that they were not without their motable where he was reading a newspaper, I ments, and even hours, of disquiet. Each of gazed at him for some minutes, with a mix- them apart, in succeeding conferences, expature of pleasure and regret, which made my tiated upon his own particular grievances; and heart gush with tenderness; then, taking they were all malcontents at bottom. Over him by the hand,-"Ah, Sam," said I, " forty and above their personal disasters, they years ago I little thoug'ht"- was too much thought themselves unfortunate in the lottery moved to proceed. "An old friend, sure of life. Balderick complained, that all the reenough!" cried he, squeezing my hand, and cornpence he had received for his long and surveying me eagerly through his glasses, hard service was the half-pay of a rear-admi" I know the looming of the vessel, though ral. The colonel was mortified to see himself she has been hard-strained since we parted; overtopped by upstart generals, some of but I can't heave up the name." The mo- whom he had once commanded; and, being ment I told him who I was, he exclaimed,- a man of a liberal turn, could ill put up with,"Ha! Matt, my old fellow-cruizer, still a moderate annuity, for which he had sold afloat!" and, starting up, hugged me in his his commission. As for the baronet, having arms. His transport, however, boded me no run himself considerably in debt, on a congood; for, in saluting me, he thrust the tested election, he has been obliged to relinspring of his spectacles into my eye, and, at quish his seat in parliament, and his seat in the same time, set his wooden stump upon the country at the same time, and put his my gouty toe; an attack that made me shed estate to nurse; but his chagrin, which is tears in sad earnest. After the hurry of our the effect of his own misconduct, does not recognition was over, he pointed out two of affect me half so much as that of the other cur common friends in the room; the bust two, who have acted honourable and distin 336 SMOLLETT'S SELECT WORKS. guished parts on the great theatre, and are To Miss LMTITIA WILLIS, AT GLOUCESTER. now reduced to lead a weary life in this stewpawn of idleness and insignificance. They MY DEAR LETTY,-I wrote you at great lhave long left off using the waters, after hav- length by the post, the twenty-sixth of last ing experienced their inefficacy. The diver- month, to which I refer you for an account sions of the place they are not in a condition of our proceedings at Bath; and I expect to enjoy. How then do they make shift to your answer with impatience. But having pass their time? In the forenoon they crawl this opportunity of a private hand, I send out to the rooms or the coffee-house, where you two dozen of Bath rings; six of the best they take a hand at whist, or descant upon of which I desire you will keep for yourself, the General Advertiser; and their evenings and distribute the rest among the young they murder in private parties, among pee- ladies, our common ftiends, as you shall vish invalids, and insipid old women. This think proper. I don't know how you will is the case with a good number of indivi- approve of the mottos; some of them are duals, whom nature seems to have intended not much to my own liking; but I was for better purposes. obliged to take such as I could find ready About a dozen years ago, many decent manufactured. I am vexed that neither you families restricted to small fortunes, besides nor I have received any further information those that came hither on the score of health, of a certain person —sure it can't be wilful were tempted to settle at Bath, where they neglect!-O my dear Willis! I begin to be could then live comfortably, and even make visited by strange fancies, and to have some a genteel appearance, at a small expense; melancholy doubts; which, however, it would but the madness of the times has made the be ungenerous to harbour without further inplace too hot for them, and they are now quiry. My uncle, who has made me a preobliged to think of other migrations-some sent of a very fine set of garnets, talks of have already fled to the mountains of Wales, treating us with a jaunt to London, which, and others have retired to Exeter. Thither, you may imagine, will be highly agreeable no doubt, they will be followed by the flood but I like Bath so well, that I hope he won't of luxury and extravagance, which will drive think of leaving it till the season is quite them from place to place to the very Land's over; and yet, betwixt fiiends, something End; and there, I suppose, they will be has happened to my aunt, which will probaobliged to ship themselves to some other bly shorten our stay in this place. country. Bath is become a mere sink of Yesterday, in the forenoon, she went by profligacy and extortion. Every article of herself to a breakfasting in one of the rooms: house-keeping is raised to an enormous and, in half an hour, returned in great agitaprice; a circumstance no longer to be won- tion, having Chowder along with her inj,the dered at, when we know that every petty chair. I believe some accident must have retainer of fortune piques himself upon keep- happened to that unlucky animal, which is ing a table, and thinks'tis for the honour of' the great source of all her troubles. Dear his character to wink at the knavery of his Letty! what a pity it is that a woman of servants, who are in a confederacy with the her years and discretion should place her market people, and of consequence pay what- affection upon such an ugly ill-conditioned ever they demand. Here is now a mush- cur, that snarls and snaps at every body. I room of opulence, who pays a cook seventy asked John Thomas, the footman who attendguineas a-week for furnishing him with one ed her, what was the matter? and he did meal a-day. This portentous frenzy is be- nothing but grin. A famous dog-doctor was come so contagious, that the very rabble and sent for, and undertook to cure the patient, refuse of mankind are infected. I have provided he might carry him home to his own known a negro-driver from Jamaica pay house; but his mistress would not part with over-night, to the master of one of the rooms, him out of her own sight-she ordered the sixty-five guineas for tea and coffee to the cook to warm cloths, which she applied to company, and leave Bath next morning, in his bowels with her own hand. She gave up such obscurity, that not one of his guests had all thoughts of going to the ball in the evethe slightest idea of his person, or even ning; and when Sir Ulic came to drink tea, made the least inquiry about his name. In- refused to be seen; so that he went away to cidents of this kind are frequent; and every look for another partner. My brother Jerry day teems with fresh absurdities, which are whistles and dances. My uncle sometimes too gross to make a thinking man merry. shrugs up his shoulders, and sometimes bursts But I feel the spleen creeping on me apace, out a-laughing. My aunt sobs and scolds by and therefore will indulge you with a cessa- turns; and her woman, Win. Jenkins, stares tion, that you may have no unnecessary and wonders with a foolish face of curiosity; cause to curse your correspondence with, and for my part, I am as curious as she, but dear Dick, yours ever, ashamed to ask questions. MATT. BRAMBLE. Perhaps time will discover the mystery; Bath, iay 5. for if it was any thing that happened in the EXPEDITION OF HUMPHRY CLINKER. 337 Tooms, it can't be long concealed-all I know unites good company; exhilarates the spirits, is, that last night, at supper, Miss Bramble opens the heart, banishes all restraint from spoke very disdainfully of Sir Ulic Mackilli- conversation, and promotes the happiest purgut, and asked her brother if he intended to poses of social life. But Mr James Quin is keep us sweltering all the summer at Bath? not a subject to be discussed in the compass — "No, sister Tabitha," said he, with an of one letter; I shall, therefore, at present, arch smile, " we shall retreat before the dog- leave him to his repose, and call in another days begin; though I make no doubt, that, of a very different complexion. with a little temperance and discretion, our You desire to have further acquaintance constitutions might be kept cool enough all with the person of our aunt, and promise the year, even at Bath." As I don't know yourself much entertainment from her conthe mneanino of this insinuation, I won't pre- nection with Sir Ulic Mackilligut; but in tend to make any remarks upon it at present: this hope yoa are baulked already; that con-,hereafter, perhaps, I may be able to explain nection is dissolved. The Irish baronet is it more to your satisfaction-in the mean an old hound, that, finding her carrion, has tine, I beg you will be punctual in your cor- quitted the scent. I have already told you, respondence, and continue to love your ever that Mrs Tabitha Bramble is a maiden of ifaithfull LYDIA MELFORD. forty-five. In her person, she is tall, rawBath, lJIacy, 6. boned, awkward, flat-chested, and stooping; her complexion is sallow and freckled; her eyes are not grey, but greenish, like those To SIa WVATIIN PmHILrBs, BART. OF JESUS of a cat, and generally inflamed; her hair is COLLEGE, OXON. of a sandy, or rather dusty hue; her forehead low; her nose long, sharp, and, towards So, then, Mrs Blackberby's affair has pro- the extremity, always red in cool weather; ved a false alarnm, and I have saved my mo- her lips skinny, her mouth extensive, her ney l I wish, however, her declaration had teeth straggling and loose, of various colours not been so premature; for though my being and, conformation; and her long neck shrivthought capable of making her a mother, elled into a thousand wrinkles-in her temmight have given me some credit, the repu- per, she is proud, stiff, vain, imperious, prytation of an intrigue with such a cracked ing, malicious, greedy, and uncharitable. In pitcher does me no honour at all. In my all likelihood, her natural austerity has been last, I told you I had hopes of seeing Quirn soured by disappointment in love; for her in his hours of elevation at the tavern, which long celibacy is by no means owing to her is the temple of mirth and good fellowship, dislike of matrimony. on the contrary, she where he, as priest of Coinus, utters the in- has left no stone unturned, to avoid the respirations of wit and humour-I have had proachful epithet of old maid. that satisfaction. I have dined with his club Before I was born, she had gone such at the Three Tuns, and had the honour to lengths in the way of flirting with a recruitsit him out. At half an hour past eight in ing officer, that her reputation was a little the evening, he was carried home with six singed. She afterwards made advances to good bottles of claret under his belt; and it the curate of the parish, who dropped some being then Friday, he gave orders that he distant hints about the next presentation to should not be disturbed till Sunday at noon the living, which was in her brother's gift; -you must not imagine that this dose had but finding that it was already promised to any other effect upon his conversation, but another, he flewv off at a tangent; and Mrs that of making it more extravagantly enter- Tabby, in revenge, found means to deprive taining-he had lost the use of his limbs, him of his cure. Her next lover was a lieuindeed, several hours before we parted, but tenant of a man of war, a relation of the he retained all his other faculties in perfec- family, who did not understand the refinetion; and as he gave vent to every whimsical ments of the passion, and expressed no idea as it rose, I was really astonished at the aversion to grapple with cousin Tabby in brilliancy of his thoughts, and the force of the way of marriage; but before matters his expression. Quin is a real voluptuary could be properly adjcusted, he went out on a in the articles of eating and drinkinog; and cruise, and was killed in an engagement with so confirmed an epicure, in the common ac- a French frigate. Our aunt, though baffled ceptation of the term, that he cannot put up so often, did not yet despair-she laid all with ordinary fare. This is a point of such her snares for Dr Lewis, who is the fidus ilrportance with him, that he always takes Achates of my uncle. She even fell sick upon himself the charge of catering; and a upon the occasion, and prevailed with Matt man admitted to his mess is always sure of to interpose in her behalf with his friend; eating delicate victuals, and drinking excel- but the doctor being a shy cock, would not lent wine-he owns himself addicted to the be caught with chaff, and flatly rejected the delights of the stomach, and often jokes upon proposal; so that Mrs Tabitha was content his own sensuality; but there is nothing self- to exert her patience once more, after havish in this appetite-he finds that good cheer ing endeavoured in vain to effect a rupture 5 L* 338 R~SMOLLETT'S SELECT WORKS. betwixt the two friends; and now she thinks steal a march of poor Liddy, and went to proper to be very civil to Lewis, who is be- breakfast in the room, without any other come necessary to her in the way of his pro- companion than her dog, in expectation of fession. meeting with the baronet, who had agreed to These, however, are not the only efforts dance with her in the evening. Chowder she has made towards a nearer conjunction no sooner made his appearance in the room, with our sex. Her fortune was originally than the master of the ceremonies, incensed no more than a thousand pounds; but she at his presumption, ran up to drive him away, gained an accession of five hundred, by the and threatened him with his foot; but the death of a sister, and the lieutenant left her other seemed to despise his authority, and, three hundred in his will. These suins she displaying a formidable case of long, white, has more than doubled, by living, free of all sharp teeth, kept the puny monarch at bay,expense, in her brother's house, and dealing while he stood under some trepidation, front. in cheese and Welsh flannel, the produce of ing his antagonist, and bawling to the waiter, his flocks and dairy. At present, her capital Sir Ulic Mackilligut came to his assistance; is increased to about four thousand pounds, and, seeming ignorant of the connection beand her avarice seems to grow every day tween this intruder and his mistress, gave mnore and more rapacious; but even this is the former such a kick in the jaws, as sent not so intolerable as the perverseness of her him howling to the door. Mrs Tabitha, innature, which keeps the whole family in dis- censed at this outrage, ran after him, squalling quiet and uproar. She is one of those geni- in a tone equally disagreeable; while the uses who find some diabolical enjoyment in baronet followed her on one side, making being dreaded and detested by their fellow- apologies for his mistake, and Derrick on creatures. the other, making remonstrances upon the I once told my uncle, I was surprised rules and regulations of the place. that a man of his disposition could bear Far fiom being satisfied with the knight's such a domestic plague, when it could be excuses, she said she was sure he was no so easily removed —the remark made him gentleman; and when the master of the ceresore, because it seemed to tax him with want monies offered to hand her into the chair, of resolution-wrinkling up his nose, and she rapped him over the knuckles with her drawing down his eye-brows,-" A young fan. 1My uncle's footman being still at the fellow," said he, 1"when he first thrusts his door, she and Chowder got into the same snout into the world, is apt to be surprised vehicle, and were carried oil' amidst the jokes at many things which a man of experience of the chairmen and other populace. I had knows to be ordinary and unavoidable-this been riding out on Clarkendown, and hap. precious aunt of yours is become insensibly pened to enter just as the fracas was over. a part of my constitution-damn her, she's The baronet, corning up to me with an a noli me tangere in my flesh, which I can- affected air of chagrin, recounted the advennot bear to be touched or tampered with." ture: at which I laughed heartily, and then his I made no reply, but shifted the conversation. countenance cleared up. "My dear soul," He really has an affection for this original, said he, " when I saw a sort of a wild baist, which maintains its ground in defiance of snarling with open mouth at the master of common sense, and in despite of that con- the ceremonies, like the red cow going to tempt which he must certainly feel for her devour Tom Thumb, I could not do less than character and understanding. Nav, I am go to the assistance of the little man; but I convinced, that she has likewise a most vio- never dreamt the baist was one of Mrs Brainlent attachment to his person; though her ble's att-idants —O! if T had, he might have love never shows itself but in the shape of made his breakfast upon Derrick, and weldiscontent; and she persists in tormenting come; but, you know, my dear friend, how him out of sheer tenderness. The only ob- natural it is for us Irishmen to blunder, and ject within doors upon which she bestows to take the wrong sow by the ear-however, any marks of affection, in the usual style, is I will confess judgment, and cry her mercy; her dog Chowder, a filthy cur from New- and,'tis to be hoped, a penitent sinner may foundland, which she had in a present from be forgiven." I toll him, that as the offence the wife of a skipper in Swansea. One was not voluntary on his side, it was to be would imagine she had distinguished this hoped he would not find her implacable. beast with her favour on account of his ugli- But, in truth, all this concern was dissernless and ill-nature; if it was not, indeed, an bled. In his approaches of gallantry to Mrs instinctive sympathy between his disposition Tabitha, he had been misled by a mistake of and her own. Certain it is, she caresses at least six thousand pounds in the calculahim without ceasing, and even harasses the tion of her fortune; and in this particular he family in the service of this cursed animal, was just undeceived. He therefore seized which, indeed, has proved the proximate the first opportunity of incurring her discause of her breach with Sir Ulic Mackil- pleasure decently, in such a manner as would ligut. certainly annihilate the correspondence: and You must know, she yesterday wanted to he could not have taken a more effectual EXPEDITION OF HUMPHRY CLINKER. 33 method than that of beating her dog. When tom of a punch-bowl. By heaven, it is a he presented himself at our door, to pay his kind of enchantment! If I do not speedily respects to the offended fair, he was refused break the spell, and escape, I may chance to admittance, and given to understand, that he give up the ghost in this nauseous stew of should never find her at home for the future. corruption. It was but two nights ago that She was not so inaccessible to Derrick, who I had like to have made my public exit, at came to demand satisfaction for the insult a minute's warning. One of my greatest she had offered to him, even in the verge of weaknesses is that of suffering myself to be his own court. She knew it was convenient over-ruled by the opinion of people whose to be well with the master of the ceremonies, judgment I despise. I own, with shame while she continued to frequent the rooms; and confusion of face, that importunity of' and, having heard that he was a poet, began any kind I cannot resist. This want of to be afraid of making her appearance in a courage and constancy is an original flaw in ballad or lampoon. She therefore made ex- my nature, which you must have often obcuses for what she had done, imputing it to served with compassion, if not with contempt. the flutter of her spirits, and subscribed hand- I am afriaid some of our boasted virtues may somrely for his poems; so that he was per- be traced up to this defect. Efectly appeased, and overwhelmed her with Without further preamble, I was persuaded a profusion of compliment. He even soli- to go to a ball, on purpose to see Liddy cited a reconciliation with Chowder, which, dance a minuet with a young petulant jackhowever, the latter declined; and he declared, anapes, the only son of a wealthy undertaker that if he could find a precedent in the annals from London, whose mother lodges in our of Bath, which he would carefully examine neighbourhood, and has contracted an acfor that purpose, her favourite should be quaintance with Tabby. I sat a couple of admitted to the next public breakfasting. long hours, half-stifled, in the midst of a But, I believe, she will not expose herself or noisome crowd, and could not help wonderhirn to the risk of a second disgrace. Who ing, that so many hundreds of those that will supply the place of Mackilligut in her rank as rational creatures, could find enteraffections, I cannot foresee; but nothing in tainnient in seeing a succession of insipid th:e shape of a man can come amiss. Though animals describing the same dull figure for a she is a violent churchwoman, of the most whole evening, on an area not much bigger intolerant zeal, I believe in my conscience than a tailor's shop-board. If there had been she would have no objection, at present, to any beauty, grace, activity, magnificent dress, treat on the score of matrimony with an or variety, of any kind, however absurd, to anabaptist, quaker, or Jew; and even ratify engage the attention and amuse the fancy, the treaty at the expense of her own con- I should not have been surprised; but there science. But, perhaps, I think too hardly was no such object-it was a tiresome repeoaf this kinswoman, who, I must own, is very tition of the same languid frivolous scene, little beholden to the good opinion of yours, performed by actors that seemed to sleep in J. MELFORD. all their motions. The continual swimming Bath, May 6. of those phantoms before my eyes, gave me a swimming of the head, which was also affected by the fouled air, circulating through To DRt LEwsw. such a number of rotten human bellows-I therefore retreated towards the door, and;You ask me, why I don't take the air stood in the passage to the next room, talka-horseback, during this fine weather In ing to my friend Quin; when, an end being which of the avenues of this paradise would put to the minuets, the benches were removed you have me take that exercise? Shall I to make way for the country-dances, and the commit myself to the high roads of London multitude rising at once, the whole atmosor Bristol, to be stifled with dust, or pressed phere was put in commotion. Then, all of to death in the midst of post-chaises, flying a sudden, came rushing upon me an Egypmachines, wagohns, and coal-horses; besides tian gale, so impregnated with pestilential the troops of fine gentlemen that take to the vapours, that my nerves were overpowered, highway, to show their horsemanship; and and I dropt senseless upon the floor. the coaches of fine ladies, who go thither to You may easily conceive what a clamour show their equipages I Shall I attempt the and confusion this accident must have prodowns, and fatigue myself to death in climb- duced in such an assembly. I soon recovering up an eternal ascent, without any hopes ed, however, and found myself in an easy of reaching the sumrnmit Know, then, I chair, supported by my own people. Sister have made various desperate leaps at those Tabby, in her great tenderness, had put me upper reg ions; but always fell backward into to the torture, squeezing my head under her this vapour-pit, exhausted and dispirited by arm, and stuffing my nose with spirits of those inelfectual effiorts; and here we poor hartshorn, till the whole inside was excoriavaletudinarians pant and struggle like so ted. I no sooner got home than I sent for many Chinese gudgeons, gaspinl in the bot- Dr Ch-, who assured me I needed not 340 SMOLLETT'S SELECT WOKKS. be alarmed, for my swooning was entirely crowd; and that he would never desire a (occasioned by an accidental impression of stronger proof of our being made of very f~etid effluvia upon nerves of uncommon sen- gross materials, than our having withstood sibility. I know not how other people's the annoyance by which he was so much disnerves are constructed; but one would ima- composed. For my own part, I am very gine they must be made of very coarse ma- thankful for the coarseness of my organs, terials, to stand the shock of such a horrid being in no danger of ever falling a sacrifice assault. to the delicacy of my nose. Mr Bramble is It was, indeed, a compound of villainous extravagantly delicate in all his sensations, smells, in which the most violent stinks and both of soul and body. I was informed by the most powerful perfumes contended for the Dr Lewis, that he once fought a duel with imastery. Imagine to yourself a high exalted an officer of the horse-guards, for turning essence of mingled odours, arising from pu- aside to the Park wall on a necessary occatridogums,imposthumatedlungs,sourflatulen- sion, when he was passing with a lady under ces, rank armpits, sweating feet, running sores his protection. His blood rises at every in. and issues; plasters, ointments and embroca- stance of insolence and cruelty, even where tions. Hungary water, spirit of lavender, assa- he himself is no way concerned; and ingrafcetida drops, musk, hartshorn and sal volatile; titude makes his teeth chatter. On the other besides a thousand frowzy steams which I hand, the recital of a generous, humane, or could not analyze. Such, O Dick! is the fia- grateful action, never fails to draw from him grant ether we breathe in the polite assem- tears of approbation, which he is often great. blies of Bath-such is the atmosphere I have ly d:stressed to conceal. exchanged for the pure, elastic, animating Yesterday,j one Paunceford gave tea on air of the Welsh mountains —O Rus! quan- particular invitation. This man, after havdo te aspiciam! I wonder what the devil ing been long buffeted by adversity, went possessed me-but few words are best: I abroad; and Fortune, resolving to make have taken my resolution-you may well him amends for her former coyness, set him suppose I don't intend to entertain the com- all at once up to the very ears in affluence. pany with a second exhibition. I have prom- He has now emerged from obscurity, and ised, in an evil hour, to proceed to London, blazes out in all the tinsel of the times. I and that promise shall be performed; but my don't find that he is charged with any prac. stay in the metropolis shall be brief. I have, tices that the law deems dishonest, or that for the benefit of my health, projected an his wealth has made him arrogant or inac. expedition to the north, which, I hope, will cessible; on the contrary, he takes great afford some agreeable pastime. I have pains to appear affable and gracious. But, never travelled farther that way than Scar- they say, he is remarkable for shrinking from borough: and, I think it is a reproach upon his former friendships, which were generally mne as a British freeholder, to have lived so too plain and homespun to appear amidst long without making an excursion to the his present brilliant connections; and that he other side of the Tweed. Besides, I have seems uneasy at sight of some old benefacsome relations settled in Yorkshire, towhom tors, whom a man of honour would take it may not be improper to introduce my pleasure to acknowledge. Be that as itmay, nephew and his sister. At present I have he had so effectually engaged the company nothing to add, but that Tabby is happily at Bath, that, when I went with my uncle to disentangled from the Irish baronet; and the coffee-house in the evening, there was that I will not fail to make you acquainted not a soul in the room but one person, seem(from time to time) with the sequel of our ingly in years, who sat by the fire reading adventures; a mark of consideration which, one of the papers. Mr Bramble, taking his perhaps, you would willingly dispense with station close by him, —"There is such a in your humble servant, crowd and confusion of chairs in the passage MATT. BRAMBLE. to Simpson's" said he, " that we could hardBath, May 8. ly get along. I wish those minions of for.tune would fall upon more laudable ways of spending their money. I suppose, sir, you To SIR WATEIN PHILLIPS, BART. OF JESUS like this kind of entertainment as little as I COLLEGE, OXON. do?" ". I can't say I have any great relish for such entertainments," answered the othDEAR PHILLIPp,-A few days ago we er, without taking his eyes off the paper, were terribly alarmed by my uncle's fainting " Mr Serle," resumed my uncle, "I beg parat a ball-he has been ever since cursing don for interrupting you; but I can't resist his own folly for going thither at the request the curiosity I have to know if you received of an impertinent woman. He declares he a card on this occasion?" will sooner visit a house infected with the The man seemed surprised at this address, plague, than trust himself in such a nauseous and made some pause, as doubtful what anlspittal for the future: for he swears the ac- swer he should make. " I know my curioscident was occasioned by the stench of the ity is impertinent," added my uncle, 6" but EXPEDITION OF HUMPHRY CLINKER. 341 I have a particular reason for asking the fa- with a degree of enthusiasm, broke with Vour." "If that be the case," replied Mr several friends, and even drawn his sword Serle, "' I shall gratify you without hesitation against my uncle, who had particular rear by owning that I have had no card. But, sons for questioning the moral character of give me leave, sir, to ask in my turn, what the said Paunceford: that, without Serle's reason you think I have to expect such an countenance and assistance, the other never invitation from the gentleman who gives could have embraced the opportunity which tea.'" II have my own reasons," cried Mr has raised him to this pinnacle of wealth: Bramble, with some emotion, 6" and am con- that Paunceford, in the first transports of vinced more than ever, that this Paunceford his success, had written, from abroad, letters is a contemptible fellow.' "Sir," said the to diiTerent correspondents, owning his obliother, laying down the paper, " I have not the gations to Mr Serle, in the warmest terms of honour to lknow you; but your discourse is a acknowledgemnent, and declaring he considerlittle mysterious, and seems to require some ed himself only as a factor for the occasions explanation. The person you are pleasedto of his best fiiend: that, without doubt, he treat so cavalierly is a person of some con- had made declarations of the same nature to sequence in the community: and, for aught his benefactor himself, though this last was you know, I may also have my particular always silent and reserved on the subject; reasons for defending his character-" "If but, -fr some years, those tropes and figures I was not convinced of the contrary," ob- of rheto'.;e had been disused: that upon his served the other, "I should not have gone return to England, he had been lavish in his so far-"' " Let me tell you, sir," said the careses i.o Mdlr Serle, invited him to his stranger, raising his voice, " you have gone house, amid pressed him to make it his own: too far in hazarding such reflections " that he had overwhelmed him with general Here he was interrupted by my uncle, who professions, and affected to express the asked peevishly, if he was Don Quixote warmest reoard for him, in company of their enough at this time of day, to throw down common acquaintance; so that every body his gauntlet as champion for a man who had believed his gratitude was as liberal as his treated him Woi such ungrateful neglect. fortune; and some went so far as to con" For my own part," added he, " I shall gratulate Mr Serle on both. never quarrel with you again upon this sub- All this time Paunceford carefully and artjec a; and what I have said now has been fully avoided particular discussions with his suoggested as much by my regard for you, as old patron, who had too much spirit to drop by my contempt of him." EMr Serle, pull- the most distant hint of balancing the account ing off his spectacles, eyed uncle very earnest- of obligation: that, nevertheless, a man of ly, saying in a mitigated tone, "surely I am his feelings could not but resent this shockmlluch obliged-ah, Mr Bramble, I now recol- ing return for all his kindness; and, therelect your features, thougil I have not seen you fore, he withdrew himself from the connecthese many years." "'.We night have been tion, without coning to the least explanaless straniers to one another," answered tion, or speaking a syllable on the subject to the squire, "iourlnte'coursehadnot been in- any living soul; so that now their corresterrupted in consequence of a misunderstand- pondence is reduced to a slight salute with ing occasioned by this very-but, no matter. the hat, when they chance to meet in any Mr Serle, I esteemn your character; and my public place; an accident that rarely hap. friendship, such as it is, you may freely com- pens, for their walks lie different ways. aMr mand." The oifer is too agreeable to be Paunceford lives in a palace, feeds upon declined," said he; "I embrace it very cor- dainties, is arrayed in sumptuous apparel, dially; and, as the first fruits of it, request appears in all the pomp of equipage, and ihat you will change this subject, which, passes his time among the nobles of the. with me, is a matter of peculiar delicacy." land. Serle lodges in Stall-street, up two My uncle owned he was right, and the pair of stairs backwards, walks a-foot in a discourse took a more general turn. Mr Bath rug, eats for twelve shillings a-week, Seile passed the evening with us at our and drinks water, as a preservative against lodgings; and appeared to be intelligent, the gout and gravel. Mark the vicissitude. and even entertaining, but his disposition Paunceford once resided in a garret; where was rather of a melancholy hue. My uncle hle subsisted upon sheeps' trotters and cowsays he is a man of uncommon parts heel, fiom which commons he was translated and unquestioned probity: that his for- to the table of Serle, that ever abounded with tune, which was originally small, has been good cheer; until want of economy and regreatly hurt by a romantic spirit of gene- tention reduced him to a slender annuity, in rosity, which he has often displayed, even at his decline of years, that scarce affords the the expense of his discretion, in favour of bare necessaries of life. Paunceford, howworthless individuals: that he had rescued ever, does him the honour to speak of' him Paunceford from the lowest distress, when still with uncommon regard; and to declare he was a bankrupt, both in means and repu- what pleasure it would give him to contri. tation: that he had espoused his interests bute in any shape to his convenience:'" But S342 SMOLLETT'S SELECT WORKS. you know," he never fails to add, "' he's a so I did with a vitness-for then it was I shy kind of a man —and then such a perfect found Bet consarned with O Frizzle. And as philosopher, that he looks upon all superflui- the cuck had thrown her slush at me, because ties with the most sovereign contempt." I had taken part with Chowder, when he fit Having given you this sketch of Squire with the turnspit, 1 resolved to make a clear Paunceford, I need not make any comment kitchen, and throw some of her fat into the on his character, but leave it at the mercy fire. I ketched the charewoman going out of your own reflection; from which, I dare with her load in the morning, before she say, it will meet with as little quarter as it thought I was up, and brought her to mishas found with yours always, tress with her whole cargo-Marry, what J. MELFORD. do'st think she hadi got, in the name of God? Bath, May 10. Her buckets were foaming full of our best beer, and her lap was stuffed with a cold tongue, part of a buttock of beef, half a To Mas MARY JONEs, AT BRAMBLETON- turkey, and a swinging lump of butter, an d HALL. the matter of ten moulded kandles, that had scarce ever been lit. The cuck brazened it DEAR MOLLY,-We are all upon the ving out, and said it was her rite to rummage the -hey for London, girl! —Fecks! we have pantry, and she was ready for to go before been long enough here; for we're all turned the mare; that he had been her potticary tipsy turvy-Mistress has excarded Sir Ulic many years, and would never think of hurtfbr kicking of Chowder; and I have sent ing a poor sarvant, for giving away the scraps O Frizzle away with a flee in his ear-I've of the kitchen. I went another way to work shown him how little I minded his tinsy and with Madam Betty, because she had been his long tail-a fellor, who would think for saucy, and called me skandelus names; and to go for to offer to take up with a dirty said 0 Frizzle could not abide me, and trollop under my nose-I ketched him in the twenty other odorous falsehoods. I got a very feet, coming out of the house-maid's varrant from the mare, and her box being garret-but I have gi'en the dirty slut a searched by the constable, my things came siserary. O Molly! the servants at Bath out sure enough; besides a full pound of vax are devils in garnet-they lite the candle at candles, and a nite-cap of mistress's, that I both ends. Here's nothing but ginketting, could sware to on my cruperal oaf. O! then and wasting, and thieving, and tricking, and Madam Mopstick came upon her merry trigging; and then they are never content. bones; and as the squire would'nt hare of a They won't suffer the squire and mistress to pursecution, she escaped a skewering; but stay any longer, because they have been the longest day she has to live, she'll rememalready above three weeks in the house, and ber your humble sarvant, they look for a couple of ginneys a-piece at WINIFRED JENKINS. our going away; and this is a parquisite Bath, May 15. they expect every month in the season, If the hind should come again before we being as how no family has a right to stay begone, pray send me the shift and apron, longer than four weeks in the same lodg- with the vite gallow manky shoes, which ings; and so the cuck swears she will pin you'll find in my pillober. —Service to Saulo the dish-clout to mistress's tail, and the house-maid vows she'll put cow-itch in master's bed, if so be he don't discamp without To SIR WATKIN PHILLIPS, BART. OF JESUS furder ado. I don't blame them for making COLLEGE, OXON. the most of their market, in the way of vails and parquisites; and I defy the devil to say You are in the right, dear Phillips; I don't I am a tail-carrier, or ever brought a poor sar- expect regular answers to every letter. I vant into trouble —but then they oft to have know a college life is too circumscribed to some conscience, in vronging those that be afford materials for such quick returns of sarvants like themselves. For you must no, communication. For my part, I am conEMolly, I missed three-quarters of blond-lace, tinually shifting the scene, and surrounded and a remnant of muslin, and my silver thim- with new objects, some of which are striking ble, which was the gift of true love; they enough. I shall, therefore, conclude my were all in my work-basket, that I left upon journal for your amusement; and though, in the table in the sarvant's hall, when mis- all appearance, it will not treat of very imtress's bell rung; but if they had been under portant or interesting particulars, it may lock and kav,'twould have been all the prove, perhaps, not altogether uninstructive same, for there are double kays to all the and unentertaining. locks in Bath; and they say as how the very The music and entertainments of Bath are teeth an't safe in your head, if you sleep over for this season; and all our gay birds with your mouth open. And so, says I to of passage have taken their flight to Bristolmyself, them things could not go without well, Tunbridge, Brightelmstone, Scarbohands, ancd so I'll watch their waters; and rough, Harrowgate, &c. Not a soul is seen EXPEDITION OF HUMPHIRY CLINKER. 343 in this place, but a few broken-winded par- Prankly was equally incensed and consons, waddling like so many crows along the founded at this reply. After a moment's North Parade. There is always a great pause, he took him aside towards the winshow of the clergy at Bath; none of your dow, and, pointing to the clump of firs on thin, puny, yellow, hectic figures, exhausted Clerkendown, asked, in a whisper, if he had with abstinence and hard study, labouring spirit enough to meet him there, with a case under the morbi eruditorum; but great over- of pistols, at six o'clock to-morrow morning. grown dignitaries and rectors, with rubicund Eastgate answered in the affirmative, and, noses and gouty ankles, or broad bloated with a steady countenance, assured him, he faces, dragging along great swag bellies, the would not fail to give him the rendezvous at emblems of sloth and indigestion. the hour he mentioned. So saying, he re. Now we are upon the subject of parsons, tired; and the challenger staid some time in I must tell you a ludicrous adventure, which manifest agitation. In the morning, East. was achieved the other day, by Tom Eastgate, gate, who knew his man, and had taken his whom you may remember on the foundation resolution, went to Prankly's lodgings, and of Queen's. He had been very assiduous to roused him by five o'clock. pin himself upon George Prankly, who was The squire, in all probability, cursed his a gentleman commoner of Christ Church, punctuality in his heart, but he affected to knowing the said Prankly was heir to a con- talk big; but having prepared his artillery siderable estate, and would have the advow- over night, they crossed the water at the end son of a good living, the incumbent of which of the South Parade. In their passage up was very old and infirm. He studied his the hill, Prankly often eyed the parson, in passions, and flattered them so effectually, hopes of perceiving some reluctance in his as to become his companion and counsellor; countenance; but as no such marks appearand at last obtained of him a promise of the ed, he attempted to intimidate him by word presentation, when the living should fall. of mouth. " If these flints do their office," Prankly, on his uncle's death, quitted Ox- said he, "I'll do thy business in a few ford, and made his first appearance in the minutes." s" I desire you will do your best," fashionable world at London, from whence replied the other; " for my part, I come not he came lately to Bath, where he has been ex- here to trifle. Our lives are in the hands of hibiting himself among the bucks and game- God, and one of us already totters on the sters of the place. Eastgate followed him brink of eternity." This remark seemed to hither; but he should not have quitted him make some impression upon the squire, who for a moment, at his first emerging into life. changed countenance, and, with a faltering He ought to have known he was a fantastic, accent, observed,-" That it ill became a foolish, fickle fellow, who would forget his clergyman to be concerned in quarrels and college attachments the moment they ceased bloodshed." " Your insolence to me," said appealing to his senses. Tom met with a Eastgate, "I should have bore with patience, cold reception from his old friend, and was, had not you cast the most infamous reflecmoreover, informed, that he had promised tions upon my order, the honour of which I the living to another man, who had a vote think myself in duty bound to maintain, even in the county, where he proposed to offer at the expense of my heart's blood; and himself a candidate at the next general elec- surely it can be no crime to put out of the tion. He now remembered nothing of East- world a profligate wretch, without any sense gate, but the freedoms he had used to take of principle, morality, or religion." " Thou with him, while Tom had quietly stood his mayest take away my life," cried Prankly, butt, with an eye to the benefice; and those in great perturbation, "but don't go to murfreedoms he began to repeat, in common- der my character-what! hast got no conplace sarcasm on his person and his cloth, science l" "My conscience is perfectly which he uttered in the public coffeehouse, quiet," replied the other; " and now, sir, for the entertainment of the company. But he we are upon the spot: take your ground as was egregiously mistaken in giving his own near as you please; prime your pistol; and wit credit for that tameness of Eastgate, which the Lord, of his infinite mercy, have com. had been entirely owing to prudential con- passion upon your miserable soul!" siderations. These being now removed, he This ejaculation he pronounced in a loud retorted his repartee with interest, and found solemn tone, with his hat off, and his eyes no great difficulty in turning the laugh upon lifted up; then drawing a large horse-pistol, the aggressor, who, losing his temper, called he presented, and put himself in a posture him names, and asked, if he knew whom he of action. Prankly took his distance, and talked to. After much altercation, Frankly, endeavoured to prime; but his hand shook shaking his cane, bid him hold his tongue, with such violence, that he found this operaotherwise he would dust his cassock for him.. tion impracticable. His antagonist, seeing,"1 have no pretensions to such a valet," how it was with him, offered his assistance, said Tom, "but if you should do me that and advanced for that purpose; when the office, and overheat yourself, I have here a poor squire, exceedingly alarmed at what he good oaken towel at your service." had heard and seen, desired the action might 344 SMOLLETT'S SELECT WORKS. be deferred till next day, as he had not set- request of a particular friend, I went yester.. tled his affairs. "I ha'nt made my will," day to see the pieces which had been so said he; " my sisters are not provided for; warmly recommended. I must own I am no and I just now recollect an old promise, judge of painting, though very fond of picwhich my conscience tells me I ought to tures. I don't imagine that my senses would perform. I'll first convince thee that I am play me so false as to betray me into adminot a wretch without principle, and then ration of any thing that was very bad; but, thou shalt have an opportunity to take my true it is, I have often overlooked capital life, which thou seemest to thirst after so beauties in pieces of extraordinary merit. eagerly." If I am not totally devoid of taste, however, Eastgate understood the hint, and told this young gentleman of Bath is the best him, that one day should break no squares; landscape painter now living: I was struck adding,-" God forbid that I should be the with his performances in such a manner as means of hindering you from acting the part I had never been by painting before. His of an honest man and a dutiful brother." trees not only have a richness of foliage, and By virtue of this cessation, they returned warmth of colouring, which delights the peaceably together. Prankly forthwith made view, but also a certain magnificence in the out the presentation of the living, and de- disposition, and spirit in tbe expression, livered it to Eastgate; telling him, at the which I cannot describe. His management same time, he had now settled his affairs, of the chiara oscuro, or light and shadow, and was ready to attend him to the fir-grove; especially gleams of sunshine, is altogethier but Tom declared he could not think of lift- wonderful, both in the contrivance and exeing his hand against the life of so great a cution; and he is so happy in his perspective, benefactor. He did more: when they next and marking his distances at sea, by a promet at the coffee-house, he asked pardon of gressive series of ships, vessels, capes and MJr Prankly, ifin his passion he had said any promontories, that I could not help thinking thing to give him offence; and the squire I had a distant view of thirty leagues upon was so gracious as to forgive him with a the back-ground of the picture. If there is cordial shake of the hand, declaring that he any taste for ingenuity left in a degenerate did not like to be at variance with an old age, fast sinking into barbarism, this artist, I college companion. Next day, however, he apprehend, will make a capital figure, as left Bath abruptly; and then Eastgate told soon as his works are known. me all these particulars, not a little pleased Two days ago, I was favoured with a visit with the effects of his own sagacity, by by Mr Fitzowen, who, with great formality, which he has secured a living worth ~160 solicited my vote and interest at the general per annum. election. I ought not to have been shocked Of my uncle, I have nothing at present to at the confidence of this man; though it was say, but that we set out to-morrow fbr Lon- remarkable, considering what had passed bedon enfamille. HIe and the ladies, with the tween him and me on a former occasion. maid and Chowder, in a coach; I and the These visits are mere matter of form, which man-servant a-horseback. The particulars a candidate makes to -overy elector, even to of our journey you shall have in my next, those who, he knows, are engaged in the inprovided no accident happens to prevent terest of his competitor, lest he should exyours, ever, J. MELFORD. pose himself to the imputation of pride, at a Bath, May 17. time when it is expected he should appear humble. Indeed, I know nothing so abject as the behaviour of a man canvassing for a To DOCTOR LEWIs. seat in parliament. This mean prostration (to borough electors especially) has, I imaDEAR DIcK, —I shall to-morrow set out gine, contributed in a great measure to raise for London, where I have bespoke lodgings that spirit of insolence, among the vulgar, at Mrs Norton's, in Golden Square. Al- which, like the devil, will be found very difiithough I apa no admirer of Bath, I shall cult to lay. Be that as it may, I was in some leave it with regret; because I must part confusion at the effrontery of Fitzowen; but wvith some old friends, whom, in all proba- I soon recollected myself, and told him, I bilitv, I shall never see again. In the course had not yet determined for whom I should of coffee-house conversation, I had often give my vote, nor whether I should give it heard very extraordinary encomiums passed for any. The truth is, I look upon both canon the performances of rMTr T.-, a gentle- didates in the same light; and should think man residing in this place, who paints land- myself a traitor to the constitution of my scapes for his amusement. As I have no country, if I voted for either. If every elecgreat confidence in the taste and judgment tor would bring the same consideration home of coffee-house connoisseurs, and never to his conscience, we should not have such received much pleasure from this branch of reason to exclaim against the venality of the art, those general praises made no im- parliaments. But we are all a pack of venal pression at all on my curiosity; but, at the and corrupted rascals; so lost to all sense EXPEDITION OF HUMPHRY CLINKER. 345 of honesty, and all tenderness of character, their masters. I find by Gwylliam, that Vilthat, in a little time, I am fully persuaded liams has got my skin; for which he is an nothing will be infamous but virtue and pub- impotent rascal. He has not only got my lic spirit. skin, but, moreover, my buttermilk to fatten G. H —, who is really an enthusiast in his pigs; and, I suppose, the next thing he patriotism, and represented the capital in gets will be my pad to carry his daughter to several successive parliaments, declared to church and fair: Roger gets this, and Roger me t'other day, with the tears in his eyes, gets that; but I'd have you to know, I won't that he had lived above thirty years in the be rogered at this rate by any ragmatical city of London, and dealt, in the way of com- fellow in the kingdom. And I am surprised, merce, with all the citizens of note in their Doctor Lews, you would offer to put my turns; but that, as he should answer to God, affairs in composition, with the refuge and he had never, in the whole course of his life, skim of the hearth. I have toiled and moylfound above three or four whom he could ed to a good purpus, for the advantage of call thoroughly honest; a declaration which Matt's family, if I can't safe as much owl as was rather mortifying than surprising to me, will make me an under petticoat. As for who have found so few men of worth in the the butter-milk, ne'er a pig in the parish shall course of my acquaintance, that they serve thrust his snout in it with my good-will. only as exceptions; which, in the gramma- There's a famous physician at the hot-well, rians' phrase, confirm and prove a general that prescribes it to his patience, when the canon. I know you will say, G. H — saw case is consumptive; and the Scots and imperfectly through the mist of prejudice, Irish have begun to drink it already, in such and I am rankled by the spleen. Perhaps quantities, that there is not a drop left for you are partly in the right; for I have per- the hogs in the whole neighbourhood of Brisceived that my opinion of mankind, like tol. I'll have our buttermilk barrelled up, mercury in the thermometer, rises and falls and sent twice a-week to Aberginny, where according to the variations of the weather. it may be sold for a half-penny the quart: and Pray settle accounts with Barnes; take so Roger may carry his pigs to another' what money of mine is in his hands, and market. I hope, Doctor, you will not go to give him acquittance. If you think Davis push any more such phims in my brother's has stock or credit enough to do justice to head, to the prejudice -of my pockat; but the farmn, give him a discharge for the rent rather give me some raisins (which hitherto that is due: this will animate his industry; you have not done) to subscribe myself your for I know that nothing is so discouraging to humble servant, TAB. BRAMBLE. a farmer as the thoughts of being in arrears Bath, May 19. with his landlord. He becomes dispirited, and neglects his labour; and so the farm goes to wreck. Tabby has been clamouring To SIR WATRIIN PHILLIPs, BART. OF JESUS for some days about the lamb's skin, which COLLEGE, OXON. ~Williams the hind begged of me when he was last at Bath. Prithee take it back, pay- DEAR SIR,-Without waiting for your aning the fellow the full value of it, that I may swer to my last, I proceed to give you an have somne peace in my own house; and let account of our journey to London, which has him keep his own counsel, if he means to not been wholly barren of adventure. Tueskeep his place. O! I shall never presume day last, the squire took his place in a hired to despise or censure any poor man for suf- coach-and-four, accompanied by his sister fering himself to be henpecked; conscious and mine, and Mrs Tabby's maid, Winifred how I myself am obliged to truckle to a do- Jenkins, whose province it was to support mestic demon, even though (blessed be God) Chowder on a cushion in her lap. I could she is not yoked with me for life in the ma- scarce refrain from laughing when I looked trimonial wagon. She has quarrelled with into the vehicle, and saw that animal sitting the servants of the house about vails; and opposite to my uncle, like any other passentuch intolerable scolding ensued on both ger. The squire, ashamed of his situation, sides, that I have been fain to appease the blushed to the eyes, and, calling to the cook and,chambermaid by stealth. Can't postilions to drive on, pulled the glass up in you find some poor gentleman of Wales, to my face. I, and his servant John Thomas, take this precious commodity off the hands attended them on horseback. of yours, M. BRAMBLE. Nothing worth mentioning occurred, till Bath, Mlay 19. we arrived on the edge of IIarlborollgh downs. There one of the fore-horses fell, in going down hill at a round trot; and the To DR LEWIS. postilion behind, endeavouring to stop the carriage, pulled it on one side into a deep DocToR LEws,-Give me leaf to tell you, rut, where it was fairly overturned. I had methinks you mought employ your talons rode on about two hundred yards before; vetter, than to encourage servants to pillage but, hearing a loud scream, galloped back, 5 M* 346 SMOLLETT'S SELECT WORKS. and dismounted, to give what assistance was Iuncle calmly argued upon the absurdity of in my power. WVhen I looked into the his opinion, observing, that he himself was coach, I could see nothing distinctly, but the in the same predicament, and would cernether end of Jenkins, who was kicking her tainly take the precaution he proposed, if he heels and squalling with great vociferation. was not sure he ran no risk of infection. All of a sudden, my uncle thrust up his bare Nevertheless, Thomas continued obstinate; pate, and bolted through the window, as and, at length, declared, that if the dog was nimble as a grasshopper, having made use not shot immediately, he himself would be of poor Win's posteriors as a step to rise in his executioner. This declaration opened his ascent: the man (who had likewise quit- the flood-gates of Tabby's eloquence, which ted his horse) dragged this forlorn damsel, would have shamed the first-rate oratress more dead than alive, through the same of Billingsgate. The footman retorted in opening. Then Mr Bramble, pulling the the same style; and the squire dismissed door off its hinges, with a jerk, laid hold on him from his service, after having prevented Liddy's arm, and brought her to the light, me from giving him a good horse-whipping very much frighted, but little hurt. It fell for his insolence. to my share to deliver our aunt Tabitha, who The coach being adjusted, another diffihad lost her cap in the struggle; and, being culty occurred. Mrs Tabitha absolutely rerather more than half fiantic with rage and fused to enter it again, unless another driver terror, was no bad representation of one of could be found to take the place of the posthe sister furies that guard the gates of hell. tilion, who, she affirmed, had overturned the She expressed no sort of concern for her carriage from malice aforethought. After brother, who ran about in the cold, without much dispute, the man resigned his place to his periwig, and worked with the most aston- a shabby country fellow, who undertook to ishing agility, in helping to disentangle the go as far as Marlborough, where they could horses from the carriage; but she cried, in a be better provided; and at that place we tone of distraction, —" Chowder! Chowder! arrived about one o'clock, without farther my dear Chowder! my poor Chowder is cer- impediment. Mrs Bramble, however, found tainly killed!" new matter of offence, which, indeed, she This was not the case-Chowder, after had a particular genius for extracting at will having tore my uncle's leg in the confusion from almost every incident in life. We had of the fall, had retreated under the seat, and scarce entered the room at Marlborough, firom thence the footmnan drew him by the where we staid to dine, when she exhibited neck; for which good office he bit his fingers a formal complaint against the poor fellow to the bone. The fellow, who is naturally who had superseded the postilion. She said surly, was so provoked at this assault, that he was such a beggarly rascal, that he had he saluted his ribs with a hearty kick, ex- ne'er a shirt to his back; and had the irnpuclaiming,-" Damn the nasty son of a b —, dence to shock her sight by showing his and them he belongs to!" a benediction bare posteriors, for which act of indelicacy he which was by no means lost upon the impla- deserved to be set in the stocks. Mrs WVinicable virago his mistress. Her brother, how- fred Jenkins confirmed the assertion, with reever, prevailed upon her to retire into a spect to his nakedness, observing, at the same peasant's house, near the scene of action, time, that he had a skin as fair as alabaster. where his head and her's were covered, and "This is a heinous offence indeed," cried poor Jenkins had a fit. Our next care was my uncle, "let us hear what the fellow has to apply some sticking-plaster to the wound to say in his own vindication." He was acin his leg, which exhibited the impression cordingly summoned, and made his appearof Chowder's teeth; but he never opened ance, which was equally queer and pathetic. his lips against the delinquent. Mrs Tabby, He seemed to be about twenty years of age, alarmed at this scene,-" You say nothing, of a middling size, with bandy legs, stooping hMatt," cried she, " but I know your mind — I shoulders, high forehead, sandy locks, pinkknow the spite you have to that poor unfor- ing eyes, flat nose, and long chin-but his tunate animal! T know you intend to take complexion was of a sickly yellow: his hiis life away!" " You are mistaken, upon looks denoted famine; and the rags that he my honour!" replied the squire, with a sar- Wore could hardly conceal what decency recastic smile, "I should be incapable of' bar- quires to be covered. My uncle, having bouring any such cruel design against an surveyed him attentively, said, with an ironobject so amiable and inoffensive, even if he ical expression in his countenance,-" An't had not the happiness to be your favourite." you ashamed, fellow, to ride postilion withJohn Thomas was not so delicate. The out a shirt to cover your backside fiom the fellow, whether really alarmed for his life, or view of the ladies in the coach I" " Yes, I instigated by the desire of revenge, came in, am, an' please your noble honour," answered and bluntly demanded that the dog should the man, "but necessity has no law, as the be put to death, on the supposition that, if saying is-and more than that, it was an ever he should run mad hereafter, he, who accident-my breeches cracked behind after had been bit by him, would be infected. My I had got into the saddle-" "You're an EXPEDITION OF tHUMPHRY CLINKER. 347 impudent varlet," cried Mrs Tabby, "for In the afternoon, as our aunt stept into presuming to ride before persons of fashion the coach, she observed, with some marks without a shirt." I6 T am so, an' please your of satisfaction, that the postilion who rode worthy ladyship," said he, "but I'm a poor next to her was not a shabby wretch like the Wiltshire lad-I ha'n't a shirt in the world, ragamuffin who had drove them into Marlthat I can call my own, nor a rag of clothes, borough. Indeed, the difference was very an' please your ladyship, but what you see- conspicuous: this was a smart fellow, with I have no friend nor relation upon earth to a narrow brimmed hat, with gold cording, a help me out-I have had the fever and ague cut bob, a decent blue jacket, leather breeches, these six months, and spent all I had in the and a clean linen shirt, pufed above the world upon doctors, and to keep soul and waistband. When we arrived at the castle body together; and, saving your ladyship's on Spinhill, where we lay, this new postilion good presence, I ha'n't broke bread these was remarkably assiduous in bringing in four-and-twenty hours." loose parcels; and at length displayed the Mrs Bramble, turning from him, said she individual countenance of Humphry Clinker, had never seen such a filthy taterdemalion, who had metamorphosed himself in this manand bid him begone; observing, that le ner, by relieving from pawn part of his own would fill the room fill of vermin. Her bro- clothes, with the money he had received ther darted a significant glance at her, as she from Mr Bramble. retired with Liddy into another apartment; Howsoever pleased the rest of the company and then asked the man if he was known to were with such a favourable change in the any person in Marlborough? When he an- appearance of this poor creature, it soured on swered that the landlord of the inn had known the stomach of Mrs Tabby, who had not yet him fi-or his infancy, mine host was imme- digested the affront of his naked skin. She diately called, and, being interrogated on the tossed her nose in disdain, saying, she supsubject, declared, that the young fellow's' posed her brother had taken him into favour, name was Humphry Clinker: that he had because he had insulted her with his obscebeen a love-begotten babe, brought up in the nity; that a fool and his money were soon work-house, and put out apprentice by the parted; but that if Matt intended to take the parish to a country blacksmith, who died be- fellow with him to London, she would not go fore the boy's time was out: that he had for a foot farther that way. My uncle said nothsome time worked under his ostler, as a ing with his tongue, though his looks were helper and extra-postilion, till he was taken sufficiently expressive; and next morning ill of the ague, which disabled him from oet- Clinker did not appear, so that we proceedting his bread: that, having sold or pawned ed without farther altercation to Salthill, every thing he had in the world for his cure where we proposed to dine. There, the and subsistence, he became so miserable and first person that came to the side of the shabby, that he disgraced the stable, and was coach, and began to adjust the footboard, dismissed; but that he never heard any was no other than Humphry Clinker. When thing to the prejudice of his character in I handed out Mrs Bramble, she eyed him other respects. " So that the fellow being with a furious look, and passed into the sick and destitute," said my uncle, "you house-my uncle was embarrassed, and turned him out to die in the streets." " I asked him peevishly what had brought him pay the poor's rate," replied the other, "and hither? The fellow said, his honour had I have no right to maintain idle vagrants, been so good to him, that he had not the,either in sickness or health; besides, such a heart to part with him;-that he would folmiserable object would have brought a dis- low him to the world's end, and serve him all credit upon my house." the days of his life without fee or reward. "' You perceive," said the squire, turning Mr Bramble did not know whether to chide to me, " our landlord is a christian of bowels or to laugh at this declaration. He foresaw -who shall presume to censure the morals much contradiction on the side of Tabby; of the age, when the very publicans exhibit and, on the other hand, he could not but be such examples of humanity?-Hark ye, pleased with the gratitude of Clinker, as Clinker, you are a most notorious offender well as with the simplicity of his character. -you stand convicted of sickness, hunger, -" Suppose I was inclined to take you into vretchedness, and want-but, as it does not my service," said he, " what are your qualibelong to me to punish criminals, I will only fications? what are you good for?" " An' take upon me the task of giving you a word please your honour," answered this original, of advice-get a shirt with all convenient " I can read and write, and do the business dispatch, that your nakedness may not hence- of the stable indifferent well. I can dress forward give offence to travelling gentle- a horse and shoe him, and bleed and rowel women, especially maidens in years." him; and, as for the practice of sow-gelding, So saying, he put a guinea into the hand I won't turn my back on e'er a he in the of the poor fellow, who stood staring at him county of Wilts. Then I can make hog's in silence, with his mouth wide open, till the puddings and hobnails, mend kettles and tin laandlord pushed him out of the room. saucepans-" Here uncle burst out a-laugh 348 SMOLLETT'S SELECT WORKS. ing; and inquired what other accomplish- callion about his business immediately." ments he was master of? " I know some- "For God's sake, sister, compose yourself," thing of single-stick and psalmody," pro- said my uncle, " and consider that the poor ceeded Clinker; "I can play upon the Jew's fellow is innocent of any intention to give you harp, sing Black-eyed Susan, Arthur O'Brad- offence." " Innocent as the babe unborn," ley, and divers other songs; I can dance a cried Humphry. "I see it plainly," exclaimVelsh jig, and Nancy Dawson; wrestle a ed this implacable maiden, "hlie acts by your fall with any lad of my inches, when I'm in direction; and you are resolved to support heart; and (under correction) I can find a him in his impudence. This is a bad return hare when your honour wants a bit of game." for all the services I have done you; for " Foregad, thou art a complete fellow!" nursing you in your sickness, managing your cried my uncle, still laughing; "6 I have a family, and keeping you from ruining yourmind to take thee into my family. Prithee, self by your own imprudence-but now you go and try if thou canst make peace with shall part with that rascal or me, upon the my sister-thou hast given her much offence spot, without farther loss of time: and the by showing her thy naked tail." world shall see whether you have more regard Clinker, accordingly, followed us into the for your own flesh and blood, or for a begroom, cap in hand, where, addressing him- garly foundling, taken fiom a dunghill." self to Mrs Tabitha,-" May it please your Mr Bramble's eyes began to glisten, and ladyship's worship," cried he, "to pardon his teeth to chatter. "If stated fairly," and forgive my offences, and, with God's said he, raising his voice, "the question is, assistance, I shall take care that my tail shall whether I have spirit to shake off an intolenever rise up in judgment against me, to of- rable yoke, by one effort of resolution, or fend your ladyship again. Do, pray, good, meanness enough to do an act of cruelty sweet, beautiful lady, take compassion on a and injustice, to gratify the rancour of a capoor sinner —God bless your noble counte- pricious woman. Hark ye, Mrs Tabitha nance, I am sure you are too handsome and Bramble! I will now propose an alternative generous to bear malice. I will serve you in my turn-either discard your four-footed on my bended knees, by night and by day, favourite, orgive me leave to bid you eternally by land and by water, and all for the love and adieu:-for I am determined that he and I pleasure of serving such an excellent lady." shall live no longer under the same roof; This compliment and humiliation had some and now to dinner with what appetite you effect upon Tabby; but she made no reply; may." Thunderstruck at this declaration, and Clinker, taking silence for consent, gave she sat down in a corner; and, after a pause his attendance at dinner. The fellow's nat- of some minutes, " Sure I don't understand ural awkwardness, and the flutter of his spi- you, Matt," said she! "And yet I spoke in rits, were productive of repeated blunders in plain English"-answered the squire, with the course of his attendance. At length he a peremptory look. " Sir," resumed this vispilt part of a custard upon her right shoul- rago, effectually humbled, "it is your preroder; and, starting back, trode upon Chow- gative to command, and my duty to obey. I der, who set up a dismal howl. Poor Hum- can't dispose of the dog in this place; but if phry was so disconcerted at this double you'll allow him to go in the coach to Lonmistake, that he dropt the china dish, which don, I give you my word he shall never troubroke into a thousand pieces; then, falling ble you again." down upon his knees, remained in that pos- Her brother, entirely disarmed by this mild ture, gaping with a most ludicrous aspect of reply, declared she could ask him nothing in distress. Mrs Bramble flew to the dog, and, reason that he would refuse; adding, "I snatching him in her arms, presented him to hope, sister, you have never found me defiher brother, saying, " This is all a concerted cient in natural affection." Mrs Tabitha imscheme against this unfortunate animal, mediately rose, and throwing her arms about whose only crime is its regard for me-here his neck, kissed him on the cheek; he returnit is; kill it at once; and then you'll be ed her embrace with great emotion. Liddy satisfied." sobbed; Win Jenkins cackled; Chowder caClinker, hearing these words, and taking pered, and Clinker skipt about, rubbing his them in the literal acceptation, got up in hands for joy of this reconciliation. some hurry, and, seizing a knife from the Concord being thus restored, we finished sideboard, cried, " Not here, an't please our meal with comfort; and in the evening your ladyship-it will daub the room-give arrived in London, without having met with him to me, and I'll carry him into the ditch any other adventure. My aunt seems to be by the road-side." To this proposal he re- much mended by the hint she received from ceived no other answer than a hearty box on her brother. She has been graciously pleased the ear, that made him stagger to the other to remove her displeasure from Clinker, who side of the room. "What!" said she to is now retained as a footman, and (in a day her brother, "6 am I to be affronted by every or two) will make his appearance in a new nangy hound that you pick up in the high- suit of livery; but as he is little acquainted cwayS I insist upon your sending this ras- with London, we have taken an occasional EXPEDITION OF HUMPHRY CLINKER. 349 valet, whom I intend hereafter to hire as my from the open country. The poorest squire, own servant. We lodge in Golden Square, as well as the richest peer, must have his at the house of one Mrs Norton, a. decent house in town, and make a figure with an sort of a woman, who takes great pains to extraordinary number of domestics. The make us all easy. My uncle proposes to plough-boys, cow-herds, and lower hinds, make a circuit of all the remarkable scenes are debauched and seduced by the appearof this metropolis, for the entertainment of ance and discourse of those coxcombs in his pupils; but as both you and I are al- livery, when they make their summer excurready acquainted with most of those he will sions. They desert their dirt and drudgery, visit, and with some others he little dreams and swarm up to London, in hopes of getting of, I shall only communicate what will be in into service, where they can live luxuriously, some measure new to your observation. Re- and wear fine clothes, without being obliged member me to our jesuitical friends, and be- to work; for idleness is natural to man. lieve me, ever, dear knight, yours affection- Great numbers of these, being disappointed ately, J. MELFORD. in their expectation, become thieves and London, May 24. sharpers; and London, being an immense wilderness, in which there is neither watch nor ward of any signification, nor any order To DR LEWIs. or police, affords them lurking-places as well as prey. DEAR DOCTOR,-London is literally new There are many causes that contribute to to me; new in its streets, houses, and even the daily increase of this enormous mass; in its situation; as the Irishman said, " Lon-. but they may be all resolved into the grand don is now gone out of town." What I left source of luxury and corruption. About fiveopen fields, producing hay and corn, I now and-twenty years ago, very few even of the find covered with streets and squares, and most opulent citizens of London kept any palaces and churches. I am credibly inform- equipage, or even any servants in livery. ed, that, in the space of seven years, eleven Their tables produced nothing but plain boilthousand new houses have been built in one ed and roasted, with a bottle of port and a quarter of Westminster, exclusive of what is tankard of beer. At present, every trader in daily added to other parts of this unwieldly any degree of credit, every broker and attormetropolis. Pimlico and Knightsbridge are ney, maintains a couple of footmen, a coachnow almost joined to Chelsea and Kensing- man, and postilion. He has his town-house ton; and, if this infatuation continues for and his country-house, his coach and his half a century, I suppose the whole county post-chaise. His wife and daughters appear of Middlesex will be covered with brick. in the richest stuffs, bespangled with diaIt must be allowed, indeed, for the credit monds. They frequent the court, the opera, of the present age, that London and West- the theatre, and the masquerade. They hold minster are much better paved and lighted assemblies at their own houses; they make than they were formerly. The new streets sumptuous entertainments, and treat with axe spacious, regular, and airy, and the the richest wines of Bourdeaux, Burgundy, houses generally convenient. The bridge at and Champagne. The substantial tradesBiackfriars is a noble monument of taste and man, who wont to pass his evenings at the public spirit-I wonder how they stumbled ale-house for four-pence halfpenny, now upon a work of such magnificence and utili- spends three shillings at the tavern, while ty. But, notwithstanding these improve- his wife keeps card-tacbles at home; she ments, the capital is become an overgrown must also have fine clothes, her chaise, or monster; which, like a dropsical head, will pad, with country lodgings, and go three in time leave the body and extremities with- times a-week to public diversions. Every out nourishment and support. The absurd- clerk, apprentice, and even waiter of a taity will appear in its full force, when we vern or coffee-house, maintains a gelding by consider, that one sixth part of the natives himself or in partnership, and assumes the of this whole extensive kingdom is crowded air and apparel of a petit maitre. The gay. within the bills of mortality. What wonder est places of public entertainment are filled that our villages are depopulated, and our with fashionable figures, which, upon inquiry, farms in want of day-labourers! The aboli- will be found to be journeymen tailors, servtion of small farms is but one cause of the ing-men, and abigails, disguised like their decrease of population. Indeed, the incredi- betters. ble increase of horses and black cattle, to an- In short, there is no distinction or suborswer the purposes of luxury, requires a pro- dination left. The different departments of digious quantity of hay and grass, which are life are jumbled together. The hod-carrier, raised and managed without much labour; the low mechanic, the tapster, the publican, but a number of hands will always be wanted the shopkeeper; the pettifogger, the citizen, for the different branches of agriculture, and courtier, all tread upon the kibes of one whether the farms be large or small. The another; actuated by the demons of proflitide of luxury has swept all the inhabitants gacy and licentiousness, they are seen every i350'SMOLLETT'S SELECT WORKS. where rambling, riding, rolling, rushing, jost- course along those damp and gloomy walks9 ling, mixing, bouncing, cracking, and crash- or crowd together upon the wet gravel, withing, in one vile ferment of stupidity and cor- out any other cover than the cope of heaven, ruption. All is tumult and hurry. One listening to a song, which one half of thei would imagine they were impelled by some cannot possibly hear, how can I help supposdisorder of the brain, that will not suffer them ing they are actually possessed by a spirit to be at rest. The foot-passengers run along more absurd and pernicious than any thing as if they were pursued by bailiffs; the por- we meet with in the precincts of Bedlam'! ters and chairmen trot with their burdens. In all probability, the proprietors of this and People, who keep their own equipages, drive other public gardens of inferior note, in the through the streets at full speed. Even citi- skirts of the metropolis, are, in some shape, zens, physicians, and apothecaries, glide in connected with the faculty of physic, and their chariots like lightning. The hackney- the company of undertakers; for, considers coachmen make their horses smoke, and the ing that eagerness inX the pursuit of' what is pavement shakes under them; and I have called pleasure, which now predominates actually seen a wagon pass through Picca- through every rank and denomination of life, dilly at the hand-gallop. In a word, the I am persuaded that more gouts, rhemflawhole nation seems to be running out of tisms, catarrhs, and consumptions are caught their wits. in these nocturnal pastimes, scub dio, than The diversions of the times are not ill- from all the risks and accidents to which a suited to the genius of this incongruous mon- lie of toil and danger is exposed. ster called the public. Give it noise, con- These, and other observations which I 5,sion, glare and glitter, it has no idea of have made in this excursion, will shorten my eiegance and propriety. VWhat are the amuse- stay in London, and send me back with a ments at Ranelagh? One half of the corn- double relish to my solitude and mountains paany are following one another's tails, in an but I shall return by a different route from eternal circle, lik e so many blind asses in an that which brought me to town. I have seen olive mill, where they can neither discourse, some old friends, who constantly reside in distinouish, nor be distinguished; while the this virtuous metropolis; but they are so other half are drinking hot water, under the changed in manners and disposition, that we denomination of tea, till nine or ten o'clock hardly know or care for one another. In[ our at night, to keep them awake for the rest of journey from Bath, my sister Tabby prothe evening. As for the orchestra, the vocal voked me into a transport of passion, during music especially, it is well for the performers which, like a man who has drank himself that they cannot be heard distinctly. Vaux- pot-valiant, I talked to her in such a style Ball is a composition of baubles, overcharged of authority and resolution, as produced a with paltry ornaments, ill-conceived, and most blessed effect. She and her clog have poorly executed, without any unity of design, been remarkably quiet and orderly ever since or propriety of disposition. It is an unna- this expostulation. How long this agreeable'tural assemblage of objects, fantastically illu- calm will last, heaven above knows. I flatninated in broken masses, seemingly con- ter myself the exercise of travelling has been toived to dazzle the eyes and divert the im- of service to my health; a circumstance Lagination of the vulgar. Here a wooden lion, which encourages me to proceed in my prohere a stone statue; in one place, a range jected expedition to the north. But I must, oi things like doffee-house boxes covered in the mean time, for the benefit and amusea-top; in another, a parcel of ale-house ment of my pupils, explore the depth of this benches; in a third, a puppet-show repre- chaos, this misshapen and monstrous capital, sentation of a tin cascade; in a fourth, a without head or tail, members or proportion. gloomy cave ofr a circular form, like a sepul- Thomas was so insolent to my sister on chral vault, half lighted; in a fifth, a scanty the road, that I was obliged to turn him off hlip of prass-plot, that would not afford pas- abruptly, betwixt Chippenham and Marlboture suffcielnt for an ass's colt. The walks, rough, where our coach was overturned. which natlre seems to have intended for so- The fellow was always sullen and selfish; ]itude, shade and silence, are filled with but if he should return to the country, you crowds of noisy people, sucking up the noc- may give him a character for honesty and tirrn] rheunis of an aguish climate; and sobriety; and, provided he behaves with thirougyh these gay scenes a few lamps glim- proper respect to the family, let him have a m-er, like so many farthing candles. couple of guineas in the name of yours, When I see a number of well-dressed peo- always, MATT. BRAMBLE. pie, of both sexes, sitting on the covered London, Mlay 29. teenches, exposed to the eyes of the mob, and, which -is wosS, to the cold, raw, night air, devouring sliced beef, and swilling port, and To MISS L.,TITI WILLIS, AT GLOUcESTER. Ipuc', and cider, I can't help compassion+tilg their temerity, while I despise their MY DeAR LETTY,-Inexpressible was the want o1f taste and decorurm; but when they I pleasure I received from yours of the e25th, EXPEDITION OF HUMPHIRY CLINKER. 351 which was last night put into my hands by Mrs fro; and below the three bridges such a pro. Brentwood, the milliner, from Gloucester. I digious forest of masts, for miles together, rejoice to hear that my worthy governess is that you would think all the ships in the in good health, and still more, that she no universe were here assembled. All that you longer retains any displeasure towards her read of wealth and grandeur, in the Arabian poor Liddy. I am sorry you have lost the Nights Entertainments, and the Persian society of the agreeable Miss Vaughan; but Tales, concerning Bagdad, Diarbekir, Da. I hope you won't have cause much longer to mascus, Ispahan, and Samarcand, is here regret the departure of your school-com- realised. panions, as I make no doubt but your parents Ranelagh looks like the enchanted palace will, in a little time, bring you into the of a genii, adorned with the most exquisite world, where you are so well qualified to performances of painting, carving, and gildmake a distinguished figure. When that is ing, enlightened with a thousand golden the case, I flatter myself you and I shall lamps, that emulate the noon-day sun; meet again, and be happy together, and even crowded with the great, the rich, the gay, improve the friendship which we contracted the happy, and the fair; glittering with cloth in our tender years. This at least I can of gold and silver, lace, embroidery, and prepromise, it shall not be for the want of my cious stones. While these exulting sons utmost endeavours, if our intimacy does not and daughters of felicity tread this round of continue for life, pleasure, or regale in different parties and About five days ago we arrived in Lon- separate lodges, with fine imperial tea and don, after an easy journey from Bath; dur- other delicious refreshments, their ears are ing which, however, we were overturned, entertained with the most ravishing delights and met with some other little incidents, of music, bothinstrumental and vocal. There which had like to have occasioned a misun- I heard the famous Tenducci, a thing from derstanding betwixt my uncle and aunt: but Italy. It looks for all the world like a man, now, thank God, they are happily reconciled; though they say it is not. The voice, to be we live in harmony together, and every day sure, is neither man's nor woman's; but it nake parties to see the wonders of this vast is more melodious than either; and it warmetropolis, which, however, I cannot pretend bled so divinely, that, while I listened, I to describe; for I have not as yet seen one really thought myself in paradise. hundredth part of its curiosities, and I am At nine o'clock, in a charming moon-light quite in a maze of admiration, evening, we embarked at Ranelagh for The cities of London and Westminster Vauxhall, in a wherry, so light and slender, are spread out to an incredible extent. The that we looked like so many fairies sailing in streets, squares, rows, lanes and alleys, are a nut-shell. My uncle, being apprehensive innumerable. Palaces, public buildings, and of catching cold upon the water, went round churches, rise in every quarter; and, amongst in the coach, and my aunt xwould have acthese last, St Paul's appears with the most companied him, but he would not suffer me astonishing pre-eminence. They say it is to go by water if she went by land; and not so large as St Peter's at Rome; but, for therefore she favoured us with her company, my own part, I can have no idea of any as she, perceived I had a curiosity to make earthly temple more grand and magnifi- this agreeable voyage. After all, the vessel cent. was sufficiently loaded; for, besides the waBut even these superb objects are not so termen, there was my brother Jerry, and a striking as the crowds of people that swarm friend of his, one Mr Barton, a country genin the streets. I at first imagined that some tleman, of a good fortune, who had dined at great assembly was just dismissed, and want- our house. The pleasure of this little excured to stand aside till the multitude should sion was, however, damped, by my being pass; but this human tide continues to flow, sadly frighted at our landing, where there without interruption or abatement, from was a terrible confusion of wherries, and a morn to night. Then there is such an infinity crowd of people bawling, and swearing, and of gay equipages, coaches, chariots, chaises, quarrelling; nay, a parcel of ugly-looking and other carriages, continually rolling and fellows came running into the water, and shifting before your eyes, that one's head laid hold on our boat with great violence, to grows giddy looking at them; and the ima- pull it ashore; nor would they quit their gination is quite confounded with splendour hold, till my brother struck one of them over and variety. Nor is the prospect by water the head with his cane. But this flutter was less grand and astonishing than that by fully recompensed by the pleasures of Vauxland: you see three stupendous bridges, hall; which I no sooner entered, than I was joining the opposite banks of a broad, deep, dazzled and confounded with the variety of and rapid river; so vast, so stately, so ele- beauties that rushed all at once upon my gant, that they seem to be the work of the eye. Image to yourself, my dear Letty, a giants: betwixt thenm, the whole surface of spacious garden, part laid out in delightful the Thames is covered with small vessels, walks, bounded with high hedges and trees, barges, boats, and wherries, passing to and and paved with gravel; part exhibiting a 35^2 SMOLLETT'S SELECT WORKS. wonderful assemblage of the mnost picturesque of the hair-dresser, who stuffed my head with and striking objects, pavilions, lodges, groves, as much black wool as would have made a grottos, lawns, temples, and cascades; por- quilted petticoat; and, after all, it was the ticos, colonnades, and rotundas; adorned smallest head in the assembly, except my with pillars, statues, and paintings: the aunt's. She (to be sure) was so particular whole illuminated with an infinite number of with her rumpt gown and petticoat, her lamps, disposed in different figures of suns, scanty curls, her lappet head, deep triple stars, and constellations; the place crowded ruffles and high stays, that every body looked with the gayest company, ranging though at her with surprise; some whispered and those blissful shades, or supping, in different sone tittered; and Lady Griskin, by whonm lodges, on cold collations, enlivened with we were introduced, flatly told her she was mirth, freedom, and good humour, and ani- twenty good years behind the fashion. mated by an excellent band of music. Lady Griskin is a person of fashion, to Among the vocal performers, I had the hap- whom we have the honour to be related. piness to hear the celebrated Mrs —, She keeps a small route at her own house, whose voice was so loud and so shrill, that never exceeding ten or a dozen card-tables it made my head ache, through excess of but these are frequented by the best company pleasure. in town. She has been so obliging as to inIn about half an hour after we arrived, troduce my aunt and me to some of hex we were joined by uncle, who did not particular friends of quality, who treat us seem to relish the place. People of expe- with the most familiar good-humour; we rience and infirmity, my dear Letty, see have once dined with her, and she takes the with very different eyes from those that trouble to direct us in all our motions. I am such as you and I make use of. Our even- so happy as to have gained her good-will to ing's entertainment was interrupted by an such a degree, that she sometimes adjusts unlucky accident. In one of the remotest my cap with her own hands: and she has walks, we were surprised with a sudden given me a kind invitation to stay with her shower, that set the whole company a-run- all the winter. This, however, has been ning, and drove us in heaps, one upon an- cruelly declined by my uncle, who seems to other, into the rotunda; where my uncle, be (I know not how) prejudiced against the finding himself wet, began to be very peevish, good lady: for, whenever my aunt happens and urgent to be gone. My brother went to to speak in her commendation, I observe look for the coach, and found it with much that he makes wry faces, though he says difficulty; but as it could not hold us all, Mr nothing-perhaps, indeed, these grimaces Barton staid behind. It was some time be- may be the effect of pain arising from the fore the carriage could be brought up to the gout and the rheumatism, with which he is gate, in the confusion, notwithstanding the sadly distrest. To me, however, he is always utmost endeavours of our new footman, good-natured and generous, even beyondmy Humphry Clinker, who lost his scratch peri- wish. Since we came hither, he has made wig, and got a broken head in the scuffle. me a present of a suit of clothes, with The moment we were seated, my aunt pulled trimmings and laces, which cost more mooff my uncle's shoes, and carefully wrapped ney than I shall mention: and Jerry, at his his poor feet in her capuchin; then she desire, has given me my mother's diamond gave him a mouthful of cordial, which she drops, which are ordered to be set anew always keeps in her pocket, and his clothes so that it won't be his fault if I do not glitter were shifted as soon as we arrived at our among the stars of the fourth or fifth magnilodgings; so that, blessed be God, he escaped tude. I wish my weak head may not grow a severe cold, of which he was in great giddy in the midst of all this gallantry and terror. dissipation: though as yet I can safely den As for Mr Barton, I must tell you in con- clare, I could gladly give up all these tumulfidence, he was a little particular; but, per- tuous pleasures for country solitude, and a haps, I mistake his complaisance; and I happy retreat with those we love; among wish I may, for his sake. You know the whom my dear Willis will always possess condition of my poor heart; which, in spite the first place in the breast of her ever affecof hard usage-and yet I ought not to com- tionate LYDIA AIELFORD. plain-nor will I, till farther information. London, MIay 31 Besides Ranelagh and Vauxhall, I have been at Mrs Cornelly's assembly, which, for the rooms, the company, the dresses and To SIR WATKIN PHILLIPS, BART. JESUS decorations, surpasses all description; but COLLEGE, OxoN. as I have no great turn for card-playing, I have not yet entered thoroughly into the spi- DEAR PHILLIPS,-I send you this letter, rit of the place. Indeed, I am still such a franked by our old friend Barton, xwho is as country hoyden that I could hardly find pa- much altered as it was possible for a man tience to be put in a condition to appear; of his kidney to be. Instead of the careless yet I was not above six hours under the hands indolent sloven we knew at Oxford, I found EXPEDITION OF IHUMPHRY CLINKER. 353 him a busy talkative politician; a petit mai- into a kind of distress which is extremely tre in his dress, and a ceremonious courtier ridiculous. in his manners. He has not gall enough in Two days ago, he persuaded my uncle and his constitution to be inflamed with the ran- me to accompany him to St James's, where cour of party, so as to deal in scurrilous in- he undertook to make us acquainted with vectives: but since he obtained a place, he the persons of all the great men in the kingis become a warm partizan of the ministry; dom; and, indeed, there was a great assemand sees every thing through such an exag- blage of distinguished characters, for it was gerating medium, as to me, who am happily a high festival at court. Our conductor perof no party, is altogether incomprehensible. formed his promise with great punctuality. Without all doubt, the fumes of faction not He pointed out almost every individual of only disturb the faculty of reason, but also both sexes, and generally introduced them pervert the organs of sense; and I would to our notice with a flourish of panegyric. lay an hundred guineas to ten, that, if Barton Seeing the king approach, —" There comes," on one side, and the most conscientious pa- said he, " the most amiable sovereign that triot in the opposition on the other, were to ever swayed the sceptre of England; the draw, upon honour, the picture of the k — deliciwe hztmanz2ig'eneris; Augustus in patronor mn, you and I, who are still unin- ising merit, Titus Vespasian in generosity, fected and unbiassed, would find both paint- Trajan in beneficence, and Marcus Aurelius ers equally distant from the truth. One in philosophy." "A very honest, kindthinz, however, must be allowed, for the hearted gentleman," added my uncle; " he's honour of Barton, he never breaks out into too good for the times. A king of England illiberal abuse, far less endeavours, by infa- should have a spice of the devil in his commous calumnies, to blast the moral character position." Barton then turning to the Duke of any individual on the other side. of C —, proceeded,-" You know the duke; Ever since we came hither, he has been that illustrious hero, who trod rebellion under remarkably assiduous in his attention to our his feet, and secured us in possession of every fiamily; an attention which, in a man of his thing we ought to hold dear as Englishmen indolence and avocations, I should have and Christians. Mark what an eye, how thought altogether odd, and even unnatural, penetrating, yet pacific! what dignity in his had I not perceived that my sister Liddy has mien! what humanity in his aspect! Even made some impression upon his heart. I can't malice must own that he is one of the greatsay that I have any objection to his trying est officers in Christendom." "I think he his fortune in this pursuit., If an opulent be," said Mr Bramble; " but who are these estate, and a great stock of good-nature, are young gentlemen that stand beside him 2" sufficient qualifications in a husband, to ren- " Those!" cried our friend, " those are his der the marriage state happy for life, she royal nephews; the princes of the blood. may be happy with Barton; but, I imagine, Sweet young princes! the sacred pledges there is something else required to engage of the protestant line; so spirited, so sensialnd secure the affection of a woman of sense ble, so princely-"; Yes, very sensible! and delicacy-something which nature has very spirited!" said my uncle, interrupting denied our friend: Liddy seems to be of the him; "but see the queen! ha! there's the same opinion. When he addresses himself queen! there's the queen! let me see-let to her in discourse, she seems to listen with me see-where are my glasses? —ha! there's reluctance, and industriously avoids all par- meaning in that eye-there sentimentticular communication; but in proportion to there's expression. WVell, Mr Barton, what her coyness, our aunt is cunning. Mrs figure do you call next!" The next person Tabitha goes more than half-way to meet his he pointed out was the favourite yearl, who advances; she mistakes, or affects to mistake, stood solitary by one of the windows. " Bethe mreaning of his courtesy, which is rather hold yon northern star," said he, " shor,? formal and fiulsome; she returns his compli- of his beams-" "What! the Caledonian ments with hyperbolical interest; she per- luminary, that lately blazed so bright in our secutes him with her civilities at table; she hemisphere! iMethinks at present it glimalppeals to him for ever in conversation; she mers through a fog, like Saturn, without his sighs and flirts and ogles; and, by her hide- ring, bleak, and dim, and distant-ha, there's ous affectation and impertinence, drives the the other great phenomenon, the grand penpoor courtier to the very extremity of his sionary, that weather-cock of patriotism, that complaisance: in short, she seems to have veers about in every point of the political undertaken the siege of Barton's heart, and compass, and still feels the wind of popucarries on her approaches in such a desperate larity in his tail. He, too, like a portentous manner, that I don't know whether he will comet, has risen again above the court horinot be obliged to capitulate. In the mean zon; but how long he will continue to astime, his aversion to this inamorata, strug- cend, it is not easy to foretell, considering gling with his acquired affability, and his his great eccentricity-Who are those two natural fear of giving offence, throws him satellites that attend his motions?" When 5 N* 354 SMOLLETT'S SELECT WORKS. Barton told him their names,-" To their Blackberry —sure it was Bishop Blackberry character," said Mr Bramble, "I am no -perhaps some relation of yours-" "Very stranger. One of them, without a drop of like, my lord," replied my uncle, " the blackred blood in his veins, has a cold intoxicating berry is the fruit of the bramble —but I bevapour in his head, and rancour enough in lieve the bishop is not a berry of our bush-" his heart to inoculate and affect the whole "No more he is, no more he is, ha, ha, ha!" nation. The other is (I hear) intended for exclaimed the duke, "there you give me a a share in the administration, and the pen- scratch, good Mr Bramble, ha, ha, ha!sionary vouches for his being duly qualified. well, I shall be glad to see you at Lincoln'sThe only instance I ever heard of his saga- inn-fields —you know the way-times are city, was his deserting his former patron, altered. Though I have lost the power, I when he found him declining in power, and retain the inclination-your very humble in disgrace with the people. Without prin- servant, good Mr Blackberry." So saying, ciple, talent, or intelligence, he is ungracious he shoved to another corner of the room. as a hog, greedy as a vulture, and thievish " What a fine old gentleman!" cried Mr as a jackdaw; but, it must be owned, he is Barton, "what spirits! what a memory! he no hypocrite. He pretends to no virtue, and never forgets an old friend." "He does me takes no pains to disguise his character. too much honour," observed our squire, "to His ministry will be attended with one ad- rank me amonog the number. Whilst I sat vantage; no man will be disappointed by his in parliament, I never voted with the minisbreach of promise, as no mortal ever trusted try but three times, when my conscience to his word. I wonder how Lord told me they were in the right; however, if first discovered this happy genius, and for he still keeps levee, I will carry my nephew what purpose Lord - has now adopted thither, that he may see and learn to avoid him: but one would think, that as amber the scene; for I think an English gentleman has a power to attract dirt, and straws, and never appears to such disadvantage as at chaff, a minister is endued with the same the levee of a minister. Of his grace I shall kind of faculty, to lick up every knave and say nothing at present, but that for thirty blockhead in his way-" His eulogium was years he was the constant and common butt interrupted by the arrival of the old duke of of ridicule and execration. He was geneAT —, who, squeezing into the circle with rally laughed at as an ape in politics, whose a busy face of importance, thrust his head office and influence served only to render his into every countenance, as if he had been in folly the more notorious; and the opposition search of somebody to whom he wanted to cursed him as the indefatigable drudge of a impart something of great consequence. My first mover, who was justly styled and stiguncle, who had been formerly known to him, matized as the father of corruption: but this bowed as he passed; and the duke, seeing ridiculous ape, this venal drudge, no sooner himself saluted so respect-fully by a well- lost the places he was so ill qualified to fill, dressed person, was not slow in returning and unfurled the banners of faction, than he the courtesy. He even came up, and, taking was metamorphosed into a pattern of public him by the hand,-" My dear friend, Mr virtue; the very people who reviled him beA —," said he "I am rejoiced to see you. fore, now extolled him to the skies, as a I-low long have you been come from abroad? wise experienced statesman, chief pillar of How did you leave our good friends the Dutch? the protestant succession, and corner-stone The king of Prussia don't think of another of English liberty. I should be glad to know war, eh? He's a great king! a great con- how Mr Barton reconciles these contradicqueror! a very great conqueror? Your Alex- tions, without obliging us to resign all title anders and Hannibals were nothing at all to to the privileges of common sense." " My him, sir-corporals, drummers! dross! mere dear sir," answered Barton, " I don't pretend trash-damn'd trash, heh?" His grace being to justify the extravagancies of the multitude, by this time out of breath, my uncle took the who, I suppose, were as wild in their former opportunity to tell him he had not been out censure as in their present praise; but I shall of England, that his name was Bramble, and be very glad to attend you on Thursday next that he had the honour to sit in the last par- to his grace's levee, where, I am afraid, we liament but one of the late king, as repre- shall not be crowded with company: for, you sentative for the borough of Dymkymraig. know, there's a wide difference between his O' Odso!" cried the duke, " I remember you present office of president of the council, and perfectly well, my dear Mr Bramble-you was his former post of first lord commissioner always a good and loyal subject-a staunch of the treasury." friiend to administration —I made your brother This ccmmunicative friend having announan Irish bishop-" "Pardon me, my lord," ced all the remarkable characters of' both said the squiref,"' I once had a brother, but sexes that appeared at court, we resolved to he was a captain in the army-" "Ha!" adjourn, and retired. At the foot of the stairsaid his grace, " he was so-he was indeed: case there was a crowd of lacqueys and but who was the bishop thenl Bishop chairmen, and in the midst of them stood EXPEDITION OF tiUMPHRY CLINKER. 355 Humphlry Clinker, exalted upon a stool, with dinary talent to ingratiate himself in this his hat in one hand, and a paper in the other, manner with a virago of her character, so in the act of holding forth to the people. fortified against him with prejudice and reBefore we could inquire into the meaning of sentment; but the truth is, since the adventhis exhibition, he perceived his master, ture of Salthill, Mrs Tabby seems to be enthrust the paper into his pocket, descended tirely changed. She has left off scolding from his elevation, bolted through the crowd, the servants, an exercise which was grown and brought up the carriage to the gate. habitual, and even seemed necessary to her My uncle said nothing till we were seated, constitution, and is become so indifferent to when, after having looked at me earnestly Chowder, as to part with him in a present for some time, he burst out a-laughing, and to Lady Griskin, who proposes to bring the asked me if I knew upon what subject Clink- breed of him into fashion. Her ladyship is er was holding forth to the mob: " If," said the widow of Sir Timothy Griskin, a distant he, "'the fellow is turned mountebank, I relation of our family. She enjoys a jointure must turn him out of my service, otherwise of five hundred pounds a-year, and makes he'll make Merry Andrews of us all." I shift to spend three times that sum. Her observed, that, in all probability, he had character, before marriage, was a little equistudied physic under his master, who was a vocal, but at present she lives in the bon ton, farrier. keeps card tables, gives private suppers to At dinner the squire asked him if he had select friends, and is visited by persons of ever practised physic? "Yes, an' please the first fashion. SIe has been remarkably your honour," said he, " among brute beasts; civil to us all, and cultivates my uncle with but I never meddle with rational creatures." the most particular regard; but the more she 6" I know not whether you rank in that class strokes him, the more his bristles seem to the audience you was haranguing in the court rise. To her compliments he makes very at St James's, but I should be glad to know laconic and dry returns. T'other day she what kind of powders you was distributing, sent us a pottle of fine strawberries, which and whether you had a good sale." " Sale, he did not receive without signs of disgust, sir," cried Clinker, " I hope I shall never be muttering from the AEneid, Timeo Danaos base enough to sell for gold and silver, what et dona ferentes. She has twice called for freely comes of God's grace. I distributed Liddy, of a forenoon, to take an airing in the nothing, an' like your honour, but a word of. coach; but Mrs Tabby was always so alert advice to my fellows in servitude and sin." (I suppose by his direction), that she never "Advice! concerning what?" " Concern- could have the niece without the aunt's cominig profane swearing, an' please your hon- pany. I have endeavoured to sound Squareour; so horrid and shocking, that it made toes on this subject, but he carefully avoids my hair stand on end." "l Nay, if thou canst all explanation. cure them of that disease, I shall think thee I have now, dear Phillips, filled a whole a wonderful doctor, indeed." "V\Why not sheet; and, if you have read it to an end, I cure them, my good master? the hearts of dare say you are as tired as your humble serthose poor people are not so stubborn as your vant, J. MELFORD. honour seems to think. Make them first London. June 2. sensible that you have nothing in view but their good, then they will listen with patience, and easily be convinced of the sin and folly To DoCTOR LEWIS. of a practice that affords neither profit nor pleasure." At this remark our uncle changed Yes, Doctor, I have seen the British Mucolour, and looked round the company, con- seum, which is a noble collection, and even scious that his owne withers were not alto- stupendous, if we consider it was made by a gether unwrung. " But, Clinker," said he, private man, a physician, who was obliged "if you should have eloquence enough to to make his own fortune at the same time; persuade the vulgar to resign those tropes but, great as the collection is, it would apand figures of rhetoric, there will be little or pear more striking if it was arranged in one nothing left to distinguish their conversation spacious saloon, instead of being divided from that of their betters." "But, then, into different departments, which it does not your honour knows, their conversation will entirely fill. I could wish the series of mebe void of offence, and at the day of judge- dals was connected, and the whole of the ment there will be no distinction of persons." animal, vegetable, and mineral kingdoms Humphry going down stairs to fetch up a completed, by adding to each, at the public bottle of wine, my uncle congratulated his expense, those articles that are wanting. It sister upon having such a reformer in the would likewise be a great improvement, with family; when Mrs Tabitha declared he was respect to the library, if the deficiencies were a sober, civilized fellow, very respectful, and made up by purchasing all the books of chavery industrious; and she believed a good racter that are not to be found already in the Christian into the bargain. One would think collection. They might be classed in cenClinker must really have some very extraor- turies, according to the dates of their publi 356 SMOLLETT'S SELECT WORKS. cation, and catalogues printed of them and to proceed by the way of information, which the manuscripts, for the information of those is deemed a grievance: but if he lays an acthat want to consult or compile from such tion for damages, he must prove the damage; authorities. I could also wish, for the hon- and I leave you to judge, whether a gentleour of the nation, that there was a complete man's character may not be brought into apparatus for a course of mathematics, me- contempt, and all his views in life blasted by chanics, and experimental philosophy; and calumny, without his being able to specify a good salary settled upon an able professor, the particulars of the damage he has suswho should give regular lectures on these tained. subjects. " This spirit of defamation is a kind of But this is all idle speculation, which will heresy, that thrives under persecution. The never be reduced to practice. Considering liberty of the press is a term of great efficathe temper of the times, it is a wonder to see cy; and, like that of the protestant religion, any institution whatsoever established for has often served the purposes of sedition. A the benefit of the public. The spirit of party minister, therefore, must arm himself with is risen to a kind of frenzy, unknown to for- patience, and bear those attacks without remer ages, or rather degenerated to a total pining. Whatever mischief they may do in extinction of honesty and candour. You other respects, they certainly contribute, in know I have observed, for some time, that one particular, to the advantage of governthe public papers are become the infamous ment; for those defamatory articles have vehicles of the most cruel and perfidious de- multiplied papers in such a manner, and augofamation. Every rancorous knave, every des- mented their sale to such a degree, that the perate incendiary, that can afford to spend duty upon stamps and advertisements has half-a-crown or three shillings, may skulk made a very considerable addition to the rebehind the press of a newsmonger, and have venue." Certain it is, a gentleman's honour a stab at the first character in the kingdom, is a very delicate subject to be handled by a without running the least hazard of detection jury, composed of men who cannot be supor punishment. posed remarkable either for sentiment or imI have made acquaintance with a Mr Bar- partiality. In such a case, indeed, the deton, whom Jerry knew at Oxford; a good fendant is tried, not only by his peers, but sort of man, though most ridiculously warped also by his party; and I really think that, of in his political principles; but his partiality all patriots, he is the most resolute, who exis the less offensive, as it never appears in poses himself to such detraction for the sake the style of scurrility and abuse. He is a of his country. If, from the ignorance or member of parliament, and a retainer to the partiality ofjuries, a gentleman can have no court; and his whole conversation turns upon redress from law for being defamed in a pamthe virtues and perfections of the ministers phlet or newspaper, I know but one other who are his patrons. T'other day, when he method of proceeding against the publisher, was bedaubing one of those worthies with which is attended with some risk, but has tile most fulsome praise, I told him I had been practised successfilly, more than once, seen the same nobleman characterized very in my remembrance. A regiment of horse differently in one of the daily papers; in- was represented, in one of the newspapers, deed, so stigmatized, that if one half'of what as having misbehaved at Dettingen; a capNwas said of him was true, he must be not tain of that regiment broke the publisher's only unfit to rule, but even unfit to live; bones, telling him, at the same time, if he that those impeachments had been repeated went to law, he should certainly have the again and again, with the addition of fresh like salutation from every officer of the corps. matter; and that, as he had taken no steps Governor - took the same satisfaction towards his own vindication, I began to think on the ribs of an author, who traduced him by there was some foundation for the charge. name in a periodical paper. I know a low "And pray, sir," said Mr Barton, "what fellow of the same class, who, being turned steps would you have him take? Suppose out of Venice for his impudence and scurriliyou should prosecute the publisher, who ty, retired to Lugano, a town of the Grisons screens the anonymous accuser, and bring (a free people, God wot), where he found a him to the pillory for a libel; this is so far printing-press, from whence he squirted his from being counted a punishment in terrorem., filth at some respectable characters in the that it will probably make his fortune. The republic which he had been obliged to abanmultitude immediately take him into their don. Some of these, finding him out of the protection, as a martyr to the cause of de- reach of legal chastisement, employed cerfamation, which they have always espoused. tain useful instruments, such as may be found They pay his fine, they contribute to the in- in all countries, to give him the bastinado; crease of his stock, his shop is crowded with which being repeated more than once, effeccustomers, and the sale of his paper rises in tually stopped the current of his abuse. proportion to the scandal it contains. All "As for the liberty of the press, like every this time the prosecutor is inveighed against other privilege, it must be restrained within as a tyrant and oppressor, for having chosen certain bounds, for, if it is carried to a breach EXPEDITION OF HUMPHRY CLINKER. 357 of law, religion, and charity, it becomes one this revision, paid no sort of regard to the of the greatest evils that ever annoyed a reputation they had acquired. Milton was community. If the lowest ruffian may stab harsh and prosaic; Dryden, languid and veryour good name with impunity in England, bose; Butler and Swift, without humour; will you be so uncandid as to exclaim against Congreve, without wit; and Pope destitute Italy for the practice of common assassina- of any sort of poetical merit. As for his tion? To what purpose is our property contemporaries, he could not bear to hear secured, if our moral character is left de- one of them mentioned with any degree of fenceless l People, thus baited, grow despe- applause: they were all dunces, pedants, rate; and the despair of being able to preserve plagiaries, quacks and imposters; and you one's character untainted by such vermin, could not name a single performance, but produces a total neglect of fame; so that what was tame, stupid, and insipid. It must one of the chief incitements to the practice be owned, that this writer had nothing to of virtue is effectually destroyed." charge his conscience with on the side of Mr Barton's last consideration, respecting flattery; for, I understand, he was never the stamp duty, is equally wise and laudable known to praise one line that was written with another maxim which has been long even by those with whom he lived in terms adopted by our financiers, namely, to connive of good fellowship. This arrogance and preat drunkenness, riot, and dissipation, because sumption, in depreciating authors, for whose they enhance the receipt of the excise; not reputation the company may be interested, reflecting that, in providing this temporary is such an insult upon the understanding, as convenience, they are destroying the morals, I could not bear without wincing. health, and industry of the people. Not- I desired to know his reasons for decrying withstanding my contempt for those who some works which had afforded me uncomflatter a minister, I think there is something mon pleasure; and as demonstration did not still more despicable in flattering a mob. seem to be his talent, I dissented from his When I see a man of birth, education and opinion with great fieedom. Having been fortune, put himself on a level with the dregs spoiled by the deference and humility of his of the people, mingle withlow mechanics, feed hearers, he did not bear contradiction with with them at the same board, and drink with much temper; and the dispute might have them in the same cup, flatter their prejudices, grown warm, had it not been interrupted by harangue in praise of their virtues, expose the entrance of a rival bard, at whose aphimself to the belchings of their beer, the pearance he always quits the place. They *fumes of their tobacco, the grossness of their are of different cabals, and have been at open familiarity, and the impertinence of their war these twenty years. If the other was conversation, I cannot help despising him as dogmatical, this genius was declamatory; he a man guilty of the vilest prostitution, in or- did not discourse, but harangue; and his der to effect a purpose equally selfish and il- orations were equally tedious and turgid. liberal. He, too, pronounced ex cathedra upon the I should renounce politics the more will- characters of his contemnporaries; and though ingly, if I could find other topics of conver- he scruples not to deal out praise, even sation dicussed with more modesty and lavishly, to the lowest reptile in Grub-street, candour: but the demon of party seems to who will either flatter him in private, or have usurped every department of life. Even mount the public rostrum as his panegyrist, the world of literature and taste is divided he damns all the other writers of the age into the most virulent factions, which revile, with the utmost insolence and rancour. One decry and traduce the works of one another. is a blunderbuss, as being a native of IreYesterday I went to return an afternoon's land; another a half-starved louse of literavisit to a gentleman of my acquaintance, at ture from the banks of the Tweed; a third, whose house I found one of the authors of an ass, because he enjoys a pension fiom the present age, who has written with some government; a fourth, the very angel of dullsuccess. As I had read one or two of his ness, because he succeeded in a species of performances, which gave me pleasure, I writing in which this Aristarchus had failed; was glad of this opportunity to know his per- a fifth, who presumed to make strictures son: but his discourse and deportment de- upon one of his performances, lie holds as a stroyed all the impressions which his wri- bug in criticism, whose stench is more offentings had made in his favour. He took upon sive than his sting. In short, except himhim to decide dogmatically upon every sub- self and his myrmidons, there is not a man ject, without deigning to show the least of learning or genius in the three kingdoms. cause for his differing from the general As for the success of those who have writopinions of mankind, as if it had been our ten without the pale of the confederacy, he duty to acquiesce in the ipse dixit of this imputes it entirely to want of taste in the new Pythagoras. He rejudged the charac- public; not considering that, to the approters of all the principal authors who had died bation of that very tasteless public he himwithin a century of the present time; and in self owes all the consequence he has in'life. 358 SMOLLETT'S SELECT WORKS. Those originals are not fit for conversation. If they would maintain the advantage To MRS MARY JONES, AT BRAIMBLETONthey had gained by their writing, they should HALL. never appear but upon paper. For my part, I am shocked to find a man have sublime DEAR MOLLY JONEs,-Lady Griskin's botideas in his head, and nothing but illiberal ler, Mr Crumb, having got Squire Barton to sentiments in his heart. The human soul fiank me a kiver, I would not neglect to let will generally be found most defective in the you know how it is with me, and the rest of article of candour. I am inclined to think the family. I could not rite by John Thomas, no mind was ever wholly exempt from envy, for because he went away in a huff, at a rninwhich, perhaps, may have been implanted ute's warning. He and Chowder could not as an instinct essential to our nature. I am agree, so they fitt upon the road, and Chowafraid we sometimes palliate this vice, under der bit his thumb, and he swore he would do the specious name of emulation. I have him a mischief, and he spoke saucy to misknown a person remarkably generous, hu- tress, whereby the squire turned him off in mane, moderate, and apparently self-deny- gudgeon; and by God's providence we ing, who could not hear even a friend cornm- picked up another footman, called Umphry mended, without betraying marks of uneasi- Klinker,-a good sole as ever broke bread; ness, as if that commendation had implied which shows, that a scalded cat may prove an odious comparison to his prejudice, and a good mouser, and a hound be staunch, every wreath of praise added to the other's thof he has got narro hare on his buttocks; character was a garland plucked from his but the proudest nose may be bro't baor to the own temples. This is a malignant species grindstone by sickness and misfortunes. of jealousy, of which I stand acquitted in O Molly! what shall I say of London' my own conscience. Whether it is a vice All the towns that ever I beheld in my born or an infirmity, I leave you to inquire. days are no more than Welsh barrows and There is another point, which I would crumblecks to this wonderful sitty! Even much rather see determined; whether the Bath itself is but a fillitch. In the name of world was always as contemptible as it ap- God, one would think there's no end of the pears to me at present? If the morals of streets, but the land's end. Then there's mankind have not contracted an extraordi- such a power of people, going hurry skurry! nary degree of depravity within these thirty Such a racket of'coxes! Such a noise and a years, then must I be infected with the corn- hali-balloo! So many strange sites to be seen! mon vice of old men, diicilis, querulus, O gracious! my poor Welsh brain has been laudator temporis acti; or, which is more spinning like a top ever since I came hither! probable, the impetuous pursuits and avoca- And I have seen the park, and the paleass of tions of' youth have formerly hindered me Saint Girnses, and the kings and the queens from observing those rotten parts of human magisterial pursing, and the sweet young nature, which now appear so offensively to princes, and the hillyfents, and pye-bald-ass, my observation. and all the rest of the royal family. We have been at court and'change, and Last week I went with mistress to the everywhere; and everywhere we find food tower, to see the crowns and wild beastis; for spleen, and subject for ridicule. iMy new and there was a mnonstracious lion, with servant, Humphry Clinker, turns out a teeth half a quarter long; and a gentleman great original; and Tabby is a changed bid me not go near him, if Iwas'nt a maid; creature: she has parted with Chowder, being as how he would roar, and tear, and and does nothing but smile, like Malvolio in play the dickens. Now I had no mind to the play. I'll be hanged if she is not acting go near him; for I cannot abide such dana part which is not natural to her disposi- gerous honeyinils, not I. But nmistress would tion, for some purpose which I have not yet go; and the beast kept such a roaring and discovered. bouncing, that I tho't he would a broke his With respect to the characters of man- cage, and devoured us all; and the gentlekind, my curiosity is quite satisfied: I have man tittered forsooth; but I'll go to death done with the science of men, and must now upon it, I will, that my lady is as good a endeavour to amuse myself with the novelty firchen as the child unborn; and therefore of things. I am, at present, by a violent either the gentlernai told a phib, or the lion effort of the mind, forced from my natural oft to be set in the stocks for bearing false bias; but this power ceasing to act, I shall witness again his neighbour; for the cornreturn to my solitude with double velocity. mandment sayeth, Thou shalt not bearffalse Every thing I see, and hear, and feel, in this witness again thy neighbour. great reservoir of folly, knavery, and sophis- I was afterwards of a party at Sadler's tication, contributes to enhance the value of Wells, where I saw another such tumbling a country life, in the sentiments of yours, ariand dancing upon ropes and wires, that I always, MATT. BRAMBLE. was fiightened, and ready to go into a fit. I London, June 2. thought it was all enchantment; and believ EXPEDITION OF HUMPHRY CLINKER. 359 ing myself bewitched, began for to cry. be, dear Mary Jones, yours, with true infecYou knows as how the witches in Wales fly tion, WIN. JENKINS. upon broomsticks; but here was flying with- London, June 3. out any broomstick, or thing in the varsal world, and firing of pistols in the air, and blowing of trumpets, and swinging, and roll- To SR WATICIN PHILLIPS, BART. OF JESU' ing of wheel-barrows upon a wire (God bliss COLLEGE, OXON us!) no thicker than a sewing thread; that, to be sure, they must deal with the devil. A DEAR WATI.-I mentioned in my last, fine gentleman with a pig's tail, and a golden my uncle's design of going to the Duke of sord by his side, came to comfit me, and N ——'s levee, which design has been exeoffered for to treat me with a pint of wind; cuted accordingly. I-is grace has been so but I would not stay; and so in going long accustomed to this kind of homage, through the dark passage, he began to show that, though the place he now fills does not his cloven futt, and went for to be rude; my imply the tenth part of the influence which fellow-servant, Umphry Klinker bid him to he exerted in his former office, he has given be sivil, and lie gave theyoung man a dowse in his friends to understand, that they cannot the chops; but, i'fackins, Mr Klinker wa'n't oblige him in any thing more than in contrilong in his debt; with a good oaken saplinghe buting to support the shadow of that power dusted his doublet, for all his golden cheese- which he no longer retains in substance; and toaster; and fipping me under his arm, car- therefore he has still public days, on which ried me huom, I nose not how, being I was they appear at his levee. in such a flustration. But, thank God! I'm My uncle and I went thither with Mr Barnow vaned from all such vanities; for what ton, who, being one of the Duke's adherents, are all those rarities and vagaries to the glo- undertook to be our introducer. The room ries that shall be revealed hereafter! O was pretty well filled with people, in a great Molly! let not your poor heart be puffed up variety of dress; but there was no more than with vanity. one gown and cassoc, though I am told his I had almost forgot to tell you, that I have grace had, while he was minister, preferred had my hair cut and pippered, and singed, almost every individual that now filled the and bolstered, and buckled in the newest bench of bishops in the house of lords; but, fi.shion, by a French freezer-Parley vow in all probability, the gratitude of the clergy Francey —Vee J3iadmansell — now carries is like their charity, which shuns the light. my head higher than arrow private gentle- Mr Barton was immediately accosted by a woman of Vales. Last night, coming huom person well stricken in years, tall and rawfrom the meeting, I was taken, by lamp light, boned, with a hook-nose and an arch leer, for an eminent poulterer's daughter, a great that indicated at least as much cunning as beauty-but, as I was saying, this is all va- sagacity. Our conductor saluted him by the nity and vexation of spirit. The pleasures name of Captain C,-. and afterwards inof London are no better than sower whey formed us he was a man of shrewd parts, and stale cider, when compared to the joys whom the government occasionally employed of the New Gerusalem. in secret services; but I have had the histoDear Mary Jones! An' please God, when ry of him more at large from another quarter. I return I'll bring you a new cap, with a He had been, many years ago, concerned in turky-shell coom, and a pye-house sermon, fraudulent practices, as a merchantin France; that was preached in the tabernacle; and I and, being convicted of some of them, was pray of all love, you will mind your vriting sent to the galleys, from whence he was deand your spelling; for, craving your pardon, livered, by the interest of the late Duke of Molly, it made me suet to disseyffer your Ormond, to whom he had recommended himlast scrabble, which was delivered by the self, in a letter, as his namesake and relation. hind at Bath. 0, voman! voman! if thou He was, in the sequel, employed by our hladst but the least consumption of what ministry as a spy; and, in the war of 1740, pleasure we scullers have, when we can traversed all Spain, as well as France, in the cunster the carbbidst buck off hand, and disguise of a capuchin, at the extreme hazard spell the ethnitch vords, without looking at of his life, inasmuch as the court of Madrid the primmer. As for MIr Klinker, he is quali- had actually got scent of him, and given orfled to be clerk to a parish-but I'll say no ders to apprehend him at St Sebastian's, more. Remember me to Saul-poor sole! from whence lie had fortunately retired but it goes to my hart to think she don't yet a few hours before the order arrived. This know her letters. But all in God's good and other hair-breadth'scapes he pleaded so time. It shall go hard, but I will bring her effectually as a merit with the English minthe ABC in gingerbread; and that, you nose, istry, that they allowed him a comfortable will be learning to her taste. pension, which he now enjoys in his old age. Mistress says we are going a long gurney He has still access to all the ministers, and to the north; but, go where we will, I shall ever is said to be consulted by them on many sub 3560 SMOLLETT'S SELECT WORKS. jects, as a man of uncommon understanding it is, the duke seemed eager to acknowledge and great experience. Hle is, in fact, a fel- the compliment. A door opening, he sudlow of some parts, and invincible assurance; denly bolted out, with a shaving cloth under and, in. his discourse, he assumes such an air his chin, his face frothed up to the eyes with of self-sufficiency, as may very well impose soap lather; and, running up to the amupon, some of the shallow politicians who bassador, grinned hideous in his face,-" My now labour at the helm of administration. dear:Mahomet," said he, " God love your But, if he is not belied, this is not the only long beard; I hope the dey will make you a imposture of which he is guilty. They say horse-tail at the next promotion, ha, ha, ha he is at bottom not only a Roman Catholic, Have but a moment's patience, and I'll send but really a priest; and, while he pretends to you in a twinkling." So saying, he reto disclose to our state-pilots all the springs treated into his den, leaving the Turk in that move the cabinet of Versailles, he is some confusion.' After a short pause, howactually picking up intelligence for the ser- ever, he said something to his interpreter, vice of the French minister. Be that as it the meaning of which I had great curiosity may, Captain C- entered into conversa- to know, as he turned up his eyes while he tion with us in the most -familiar manner, spoke, expressing astonishment mixed with and treated the duke's character without devotion. WVe were gratified by means of any ceremony. " This wiseacre," said he, the communicative Captain C —, who con"is still a-bed; and, I think, the best thing versed with the dragoman as an old acquainthe can do is to sleep on till Christmas; for ance. Ibrahim, the ambassador, who had when he gets up, he does nothing but expose mistaken his grace for the minister's fool, hlis own folly. Since Grenville was turned was no sooner undeceived by the interpreter, out, there has been no minister in this nation than he exclaimed to this effect-"- Holy worth the meal that whitened his periwig. prophet! I don't wonder that this nation They are so ignorant, they scarce know a prospers, seeing it is governed by the councrab from acauliflower; and then they are such cil of idiots; a species of men, whom all dunces, that there's no making them com- good musselmen revere as the organs of imprehend the plainest proposition. In the be- mediate inspiration!" Ibrahim was favoured ginning of the war, this poor half-witted crea- with a particular audience of short duration; ture told me, in a great fright, that thirty after which the duke conducted him to the thousand French had marched from Arcadia door, and then returned to diffuse his gracious to Cape Breton. "Where did they find looks among the crowd of his worshippers. transports 3" said I. "Transports!" said As Mr Barton advanced to present me to he, "I tell you they marched by land-" his grace, it was my fortune to attract his "'By land, to the island of Cape Breton!" notice before I was announced. He ibrth6" What! is Cape Breton an island 3" " Cer- with met me more than half way, and, seiztainly." "Hah! are you sure of that 3" ing me by the hand, " My dear Sir Francis!' When I pointed it out on the map, he cried he, "this is so kind —I vow to Gad! I examined it earnestly with his spectacles; am so obliged-such attention to a poor brothen taking me in his arms, "s My dear ken minister-well-pray, when does your C —!" cried he,'"you always bring us excellency set sail? For God's sake, have good news-egad, I'll go directly and tell a care of your health, and eat stewed prunes the king that Cape Breton is an island." in the passage. Next to your own precious He seemed disposed to entertain us with health, pray, my dear excellency, talie care more anecdotes of this nature, at the expence of the five nations, our good friends the five of his grace, when he was interrupted by the nations —the Torryrories, the Maccolmacks, arrival of the Algerine ambassador, a vene- the Out-o'thb-ways, the Crickets, and the'able Turk, with a long white beard, at- Kickshaws. Let'em have plenty of blantended by his dragoman or interpreter, and kets, and stinkubus, and wampum; and your another officer of his household, who had got excellency won't fail to scour the kettle, and no stockings to his legs. Captain C - boil the chain, and bury the tree, and plant immediately spoke, with an air of authority, the hatchet-ha, ha, ha!" When he had to a servant in waiting, bidding him go and uttered this rhapsody, with his usual precitell the duke to rise, as there was a great pitation, Mr Barton gave him to understand, deal of company come, and, among others, that I was neither Sir Francis, nor St Franthe ambassador from Algiers. Then, turn- cis; but simply Mr Melford, nephew to Mr mig to us,-" This poor Turk," said he, Bramble; who, stepping forward, made his d" notwithstanding his grey beard, is a green bow at the same time. "Odso! no more it horn. He has been several years resident at is Sir Francis," said this wise statesman — London, and still is ignorant of our political " Mr Melford, I amn glad to see you-I sent revolutions. This visit is intended for the you an engineer to fortify your dock-Mr prime minister of England; but you'll see Bramble-your servant, Mr Bramble. How how this wise duke will receive it as a mark d'ye, good Mr Bramble? Your nephew is of attachment to his own person." Certain a pretty young feliow-raith and troth! a EXPEDITION OF HUMPHRY CLINKER. 36 very pretty fellow. His father is my old if all the clerks of the treasury, of the secrefriend. How does he hold it? Still troubled taries, the war-office, and the admiralty, with that damn'd disorder, ha?" "' No, my should take it in their heads to throw up lord," replied my uncle, " all his troubles are their places, in imitation of the great pen. over-he has been dead these fifteen years." sioner. But, to return to C- T —; he cerDead! how —yes, faith! now I remember: tainly knows more than all the ministry and he is dead, sure enough. Well, and how- all the opposition, if their heads were laid does the young gentleman stand for Haver- together, and talks like an angel on a vast fordwest? or-a-what dy'e-my dear Mr variety of subjects. He would really be a Milfordhaven, I'll do you all. the service in great man, if he had any consistency or stamy power-I hope I have some credit left." bility of character. Then, it must be owned, My uncle then gave him to understand that he wants courage; otherwise he would never I was still a minor; and that we had no inten- allow himself to be cowed by the great polition to trouble him at present for any favour tical bully, for whose understanding he has whatsoever-" I came hither with my ne- justly a very great contempt. I have seen phew," added he, "to pay our respects to him as much afraid of that overbearing Hecyour grace; and I may venture to say, that tor, as ever school-boy was of his pedagogue; his views and rmine are at least as disin- and yet this Hector, I shrewdly suspect, is terested as those of any individual in this no more than a craven at bottom. Besides assembly. "My dear Mr - Brambleberry! this defect, C- has another, which he is at you do me infinite honour-I shall always too little pains to hide-there is no faith to rejoice to see you and your hopeful nephew, be given to his assertions, and no trust to be, MIr Milfordhaven. Mlly credit, such as it is, put in his promises. -Iowever, to give the you may command-I wish we had more devil his due, he's very good-natured, and friends of your kidney." even friendly, when close urged in the way Then turning to Captain C w, "3i:, of solicitation. As for principle, that's out C v!'" said he,' what news, C- -3 of question. In a word, he's a wit and an Row does the world wagl' ha!" "' The world orator, extremely entertaining; and he shines wags much after the old fashion, my lord," very often at the expense even of those mminanswered the captain: "the politicians of isters to whom he is a retainer. This is a London and Westminster have begun again mark of great imprudence, by which he has to wag their tongues against your grace; made them all his enemies, whatever face and your short-lived popularity wags like a they may put upon the matter; and, sooner feather, which the next puff of antiministe- or later, he'll have cause to wish lhe had rial calumny will blow away —' "A pack been able to keep his own counsel. I have of rascals,' cried the duke-' tories, jaco- several times cautioned him on this subject; bites, rebels; one half of them would wag but'tis all preaching to the desert-his vanity their heels at Tyburn, if they had their de- runs away with his discretion." I could not serts," So saying, he wheeled about; and, help thinking the captain himself might have going round the levee, spoke to every indi- been the better for some hints of the same vidual, with the most courteous familiarity; nature. His panegyric, excluding principle but he scarce ever opened his mouth, without and veracity, puts me in mind of a contest making some blunder, in relation to the per- I once overheard, in the way of altercation, son or business of the party with whom he betwixt two apple-women, in Spring-garden. conversed; so that he really looked like a One of those viragos having hinted somecomedian hired to burlesque the character thing to the prejudice of the other's moral of a minister. At length a person of very pre- character, her antagonist, setting her hands possessing appearance coming in, his grace in her sides, replied, "Speak out, hussy-I ran up, and hugging him in his arnms, with scorn your mnalice-I own I'm both a whore the appellation of "my dear Ch-s!" led and a thief; and what more have you to him forthwith into the inner apartment, or say? Damn you, what more have you to sancturf sanctorum of this political temple. say? bating that, which all the world knows, "' That," said Captain C —, " is my fiiend I challenge you to say black is the white of C- T —, almost the only man of parts who my eye." We did not wait for Mr T's has any concern in the present administra- coming forth; but, after Captain Co- had tion. Indeed, he would have no concern at characterised all the originals in waiting, we all in the matter, if the ministry did not find adjourned to a coffeehouse, where we had it absolutely necessary to make use of his buttered muffins and tea to breakfast, the talents upon some particular occasions. As said captain still favouring us with his comfor the common business of the nation, it is pany. Nay, my uncle was so diverted with carried on in a constant routine by the clerks his anecdotes, that he asked him to dinner, of the diffierent offices, otherwise the wheels and treated him with a fine turbot, to which of government would be wholly stopt amidst he did ample justice. That same evening I the abrupt succession of ministers, every one spent at the tavern with some friends, one more ignorant that his predecessor. I am of whom let me into C-'s character, which thinking what a fine hovel we should be in, Mr Bramble no sooner understood, than he 5 0* a0612 SMOLLETT'S SELECT WORIKS, expressed some concern for the connection ciety of those geniuses; but I found them he had made, and resolved to disengage him- exceedingly formal and reserved. They self from it, without ceremony. seemed afraid and jealous of one another, We are become members of the society and sat in a state of mutual repulsion, like for the encouragement of the arts, and have so many particles of vapour, each surroundassisted at some of their deliberations, which ed by its own electrified atmosphere. Dick, were conducted with equal spirit and saga- who has more vivacity than judgment, tried city. My uncle is extremely fond of the more than once to enliven the conversation; institution, which will certainly be product- sometimes making an effort at wit, someive of great advantages to the public, if, from times letting off a pun, and sometimes disits democratical form, it does not degenerate charging a conundrum; nay, at length he into cabal and corruption. You are already started a dispute upon the hackneyed comacquainted with his aversion to the influence parison betwixt blank verse and rhyme, and of the multitude, which, he affirms, is incom- the professors opened with great clamour; patible with excellence, and subversive of but, instead of keeping to the subject, they order. Indeed his detestation of the mob launched out into tedious dissertations on has been heightened by fear, ever since he the poetry of the ancients; and one of them, fainted in the room at Bath; and this appre- who had been a schoolmaster, displayed his hension has prevented him from going to the whole knowledge of prosody, gleaned from little theatre in the Haymarket, and other Disputer and Ruddiman. At last, I ventured places of entertainment, to which, however, to say, I did not see how the subject in quesI have had the honour to attend the ladies. tion could be at all elucidated by the practice It grates old squaretoes to reflect, that it of the ancients, who certainly had neither is not in his power to enjoy even the most blank verse nor rhyme in their poems, which elegant diversions of the capital, without the were measured by feet, whereas ours are participation of the vulgar; for they now reckoned by the number of syllables. This thrust themselves into all assemblies, from a remark seemed to give umbrage to the pedant, ridotto at St James's to a hop at Rotherithe. who forthwith involved himself in a cloud of I have lately seen our old acquaintance Greek and Latin quotations, which nobody Dick Ivy, who we imagined had died of attempted to dispel. A confused hum of dram-drinking; but he is lately emerged insipid observations and comments ensued; from the Fleet, by means of a pamphlet and (upon the whole) I never passed a duller which he wrote and published against the evening in my life. Yet, without all doubt, government with some success. The sale some of them were men of learning, wit, of this performance enabled him to appear and ingenuity. As they are afraid of makin clean linen, and he is now going about ing free with one another, they should bring soliciting subscriptions for his poems; but each his butt or whetstone along with him, his breeches are not in the most decent for the entertainment of the company. My order. uncle says he never desires to meet with Dick certainly deserves some countenance more than one wit at a time. One wit, like for his intrepidity and perseverance-it is a knuckle of ham in soup, gives a zest and not in the power of disappointment, or even flavour to the dish; but more than one serves of damnation, to drive him to despair. Af- only to spoil the pottage. And now I'm ter some unsuccessful essays in the way of afraid I have given you an unconscionable poetry, he commenced brandy merchant, and mess without any flavour at all: for which I believe his whole stock ran out through his (I suppose) you will bestow your benedictions own bowels; then he consorted with a milk- upon your friend and servant, woman, who kept a cellar in Petty France: J. MELFORD. but he could not make his quarters good; he London, June 5. was dislodged, and driven up stairs into the kennel by a corporal in the second regiment of foot-guards. He was afterwards the lau- To DR LEwis. reate of Blackfriars, from whence there was a natural transition to the Fleet. As he had DEAR LEwis,-Your fable of the monkey formerly miscarried in panegyric, he now and the pig is what the Italians call ben troturned his thoughts to satire, and really vata; but I shall not repeat it to my apotheseems to have some talent for abuse. If he cary, who is a proud Scotchman, very thincan hold out till the meeting of parliament, skinned, and (for aught I know) may have and be prepared for another charge, in all his degree in his pocket. A right Scotchprobability Dick will mount the pillory, or man has always two strings to his bow, and obtain a pension; in either of which events is in utrumque paratus. Certain it is I his fortune will be made. Meanwhile he has have not'scaped a scouring; but, I believe, acquired some degree of consideration with by means of that scouring, I have'scaped the respectable writers of the age; and as I something worse, perhaps a tedious fit of have subscribed for his works, he did me the the gout or rheumatism: for my appetite befavour t'other night to introduce me to a so- gan to flag, and I had certain croakings in EXPEDITION OF HUMPHRY CLINKER. 363 the bowels which boded me no good. Nay, ments within doors, when the weather will I am not yet quite free of these remembran- not permit me to go abroad. I read, and cers, which warn me to be gone from this chat, and play at billiards, cards, or backcentre of infection. gammon. Without doors, I superintend my What temptation can a man of my turn farm, and execute plans of improvement, and temperament have, to live in a place the effects of which I enjoy with unspeakable where every corner teems with fresh objects delight. Nor do I take less pleasure in seeof detestation and disgust? WVhat kind of ing my tenants thrive under my auspices, and taste and organs must those people have, the poor live comfortably by the employment who really prefer the adulterated enjoyments which I provide. You know I have one or of the town to the genuine pleasures of a two sensible friends, to whom I can open all country retreat! Most people, I know, are my heart; a blessing which, perhaps, I might originally seduced by vanity, ambition and have sought in vain among the crowded childish curiosity; which cannot be gratified scenes of life. There are a few others of but in the busy haunts of men; but in the' more humble parts, whom I esteem for their course of this gratification, their very organs integrity; and their conversation I find inofof sense are perverted, and they become fensive, though not very entertaining. Fihabitually lost to every relish of what is nally, I live in the midst of honest men, and genuine and excellent in its own nature. trusty dependents, who, I flatter myself, have Shall I state the difference between my a disinterested attachment to my person. town grievances and my country comforts 3 You yourself, my dear doctor, can vouch fors At Brambleton-hall, I have elbow-room with- the truth of these assertions. in doors, and breathe a clear, elastic, salutary Now, mark the contrast at London. I am air. I enjoy refreshing sleep, which is never pent up in frowsy lodgings, where there is disturbed by horrid noise, nor interrupted, not room enough to swing a cat, and I breathe but in a morning, by the sweet titter of the the steams of endless putrefaction; and these martlet at my window. I drink the virgin would, undoubtedly, produce a pestilence, if lymph, pure and crystalline as it gushes from they were not qualified by the gross acid of the rock, or the sparkling beverage, home- sea-coal, which is itselfa pernicious nuisance brewed from malt of my own making; or I to lungs of any delicacy of texture; but even indulge with cider, which my own orchard this boasted corrector cannot prevent those affords, or with claret of the best growth, languid sallow looks, that distinguish the inimported for my own use, by a correspondent habitants of London from those ruddy swains on whose integrity I can depend; my bread that lead a country life. I go to bed after is sweet and nourishing, made from my own midnight, jaded and restless from the dissiwheat, ground in my own mill, and baklled pations of the day. I start every hour from in my own oven; my table is, in a great my sleep, at the horrid noise of the watchmen measure, furnished from my own ground; my bawling the hour through every street, and five-year old mutton, fed on the fragrant thundering at every door; a set of useless herba ge of the mountains, that imight vie fellows, who serve no other purpose but that with venison in juice and flavour; my deli- of disturbing the repose of the inhabitants: cious veal, fattened with nothing but the and, by five o'clock, I start out of bed, inl mother's milk, that fills the dish with gravy; consequence of the still more dreadful alarm ny poultry from the barn-door, that never made by the country carts, and noisy rustics knew confinement but when they were at bellowing green pease under my window. roost; my rabbits panting from the warren; If I would drink water, I must quaff the mawkrny game fresh from the moors; my trout ish contents of an open aqueduct, exposed and salmon struggling from the stream; oys- to all manner of defilement, or swallow that ters from their native banks; and herrings, which comes from the river Thames, impreg. with other sea-fish, I can eat in four hours nated with all the filth of London and Westafter they are taken. My sallads, roots, and minster. Human excrement is the least pot-herbs, my own garden yields in plenty offensive part of the concrete, which is comand perfection, the produce of the natural posed of all the drugs, minerals and poisons soil, prepared by moderate cultivation. The used in mechanics and manufactures, enrichsame soil affords all the different fruits which ed with the putrefying carcasses of beasts and England may call her own, so that my des- men, and mixed with the scourings of all the sert is every day fresh gathered from the wash-tubs, kennels, and common sewers tree; my dairy flows with nectareous tides within the bills of mortality. of milk and cream, from whence we derive This is the agreeable potation extolled by abundance of excellent butter, curds, and the Londoners as the finest water in the unicheese; and the refuse fattens my pigs, that verse. As to the intoxicating potion sold are destined for hams and bacon. I go to for wine, it is a vile, unpalatable, and pernibed betimes, and rise with the sun. I make cious sophistication, balderdashed with cider, shift to pass the hours without weariness corn-spit, and the juice of sloes. In an acor regret, and atn not destitute of amuse- tion at law, laid against a carman for having 364 SMOLLETT'S SELECT WORKS. staved a cask of port, it appeared, from the are kept in slime pits, occasionally overevidence of the cooper, that there were not flowed by the sea; and that the green colour, above five gallons of real wine in the whole so much admired by the voluptuaries of this pipe, which held above an hundred; and even metropolis, is occasioned by the vitriolic fthat had been brewed and adulterated by the scum, which rises on the surface of the merchant at Oporto. The bread I cat in stagnant and stinking water. Our rabbits London is a deleterious paste, mixed up with are bred and fed in the poulterer's cellar, chalk, alum, and bone-ashes, insipid to the where they have neither air nor exercisetaste, and destructive to the constitution. consequently, they must be firm in the flesh? The good people are not ignorant of this and delicious in flavour;-and there is no adllteration; but they prefir it to whole- game to be had for love or money. sone bread, because it is whiter than the.t must be owned that Covent Garden af mneal of corn. Thus they sacrifice their fordcs some good fruit; which, however, is tanste and tlheir health, and the lives of their always engrossed by a few individuals of' tender infants, to a most absurd gratification overgrown fortune, at an exorbitant price; mo s a rmisudging eye; and t'he miller or baker so that little else than the refuse of the maris obliged to poison theni and their families, Lket falls to the share of the community-and in order to live by his pro'ession. The same that is distributed by such filthy hands, as 3i mon strous depravity appears in their veal. cannot look at without loathing. It was but,twhich is bleached by repeated bleedings, and yesterday that I saw a dirty barrow-bunter other viluainous arts, till there is not a drop in the street, cleaning her dusty fruit with orj uice left in the body, and the poor animal her own spittle; and who knows but some is paralytic before it dies: so void of all taste, fine lady of St James's parish might admit. nourishment, and savoer, that a man may into her delicate mouth those very cherries dile as confortably on a white fricassee of which had been rolled and moistened between kid-skin gloves, or chip-hats -from Lehorn. the filthy, and perhaps ulcerated chops of a As they have discha ged the natuiral colour St Giles's huckster. I need not dwell upon f om their bread, their butchers' meat and the pallid contaminated mash which they po3itry, their cutlets, roagoits, fiicassees, and call strawberries, soiled and tossed by greasy sauees of all linds-so they insist upon paws through twenty baskets crusted withl lsavinog the co0nplexion of thleir pot-herbs dirt; and then presented with the worst milk, -iended, even at the hazard of their lives. thickened with the worst flour into a bad Perhaps, you will hardly believe they can be likeness of cream: but the milk itself should so mad as to boil their greens with brass not pass unanalysed, the produce of faded hal.lpence, in order to improve their colour; cabbage leaves and sour draff, lowered with and yet nothing is more true. Indeed, with- hot water, fiothled with bruised snails, carried out this improvement in the colour, they have thronogh the streets in open pails, exnosed no personal merit. They are produced in an to foul rinsing's discharged from doors and artificial soil, and taste of nothing but the windows, spittle, snot, and tobacco-quids dungo-hills fiom hvwhence tthey spring. My fiom foot-passengers, overflowings firon mund cabbage, cauliflower, and'sparagus, in the carts, spatterings from coach-wheels, dirt and country, are as much superior in flavour to trash chucked into it by roguish boys for those that are sold in Covent Garden, as my the joe's sakle, the spewings of infants who heath mutton is to that of St James's mar- have slabbered in the tin measure, which is let, which, in fact, is neither lamb nor rout- thrown back in that condition among the ton, but something betwixt the two, gorged milk, for thle benefit of the next customer in the rank fens of Lincoln and Essex, pale, and, finally, the vermin that drops fonom the coarse, and frowsy. As for the pork, it is rags of the nasty drab that vends this prean abominable, carnivorous animal, fed with cious mixture, under the respectable denomhorse flesh and distillers' grains; and the ination of milk-maid. poiultry is all rotten, in consequence of a fe- I shall conclude this catalogue of London ver, occasioned by the infamous practise of dainties with the table-beer, guiltless of hops sewing up the gut, that they may be the and malt, vapid and nauseous, much fitter to sooner fattened in coops, in consequence of' facilitate the operation of a vomit than to this cruel retention. quench thirst and promote digestion; the Of the fish, I need say nothing in this hot tallowy rancid mass called butter, manufacweaother, but that it comes sixty, seventy, tured with candle-grease and kitchen stuff; fourscore, and a hundred miles by land- and their fresh eggs, imported from France ecarriaoe; a circumstance su'icient, without and Scotland. Now, all these enormities any comment, to turn a Dutchman's stomach, migllt be remedied with a very little attenen if his nose was not saluted in every tion to the irticle of police, or civil regiula ailey with the sweet flavour of Jiesl lniack- tion; but tlie wise patriots of London have arel, sellino by retail. This is not the sea- ta1-en it into their heads, that all reoulation so(1 for oysters; nevertheless, it mlay not be is is consistent with liberty, and that every amiss to mention, that the rioht Colcihester maa ovuget to'lie in his own way, without EXPEDITION OF1 HUMPI-RY CLINKER.o o365 restraint. Nay, as there is not sense enough left among them to be discomposed by the To SXr WATKIN PHILLIPS, BART. OF JESUS nuisances I have mentioned, they may, for COLLEGE, OXON. aught I care, wallow in the mire of their own pollution. DEAR PHILLIPS,-In my last I mentioned A companionable man will, undoubtedly, my having spent an evening with a society put up with many inconveniences, for the of authors, who seemed to be jealous and sake of enjoying agreeable society. A face- afraid of one another. My uncle was not at all tious friend of mine used to say, the wine surprised to hear me say I was disappointed could not be bad where the company was in their conversation. "A man may be very agreeable; a maxim which, however, ought entertaining and instructive upon paper," to be taken cum grano salis; but what is said he, 1" and exceedingly dull in common the society of London, that I should be discourse. I have observed, that those who tempted for its sake to mortify my senses, shine most in private company are but seand compound with such uncleanness as my condary stars in the constellation of genius. soul abhors? All the people I see are too A small stock of ideas is more easily mamuch engrossed by schemes of interest or naged, and sooner displayed, than a great ambition, to have any room left for senti- quantity crowded together. There is very ment or friendship. Even in some of my seldom any thing extraordinary in the apold acquaintance, those schemes and pursuits pearance and address of a good writer; have obliterated all traces of our former con- whereas a dull author generally distinguishes nection. Conversation is reduced to party himself by some oddity or extravagance. disputes and illiberal altercation-social com- For this reason, I fancy that an assembly of mnerce to formal visits and card-playing. If Grubs must be very diverting." you pick up a diverting original by accident, My curiosity being excited by this hint, I it may be dangerous to amuse yourself with consulted my friend Dick Ivy, who underhis oddities. He is generally a tartar at bot- took to gratify it the very next day, which tom —a sharper, a spy, or a lunatic. Every was Sunday last. He carried me to dine person you deal with endeavours to over- with S —, whom you and I have long reach you in the way of business. You are known by his writings. He lives in the skirts preyed upon by idle mendicants, who beg in of the town, and every Sunday his house is the phrase of borrowing, and live upon the open to all unfortunate brothers of the quill, spoils of the stranger. Your tradesmen are whom he treats with beef, pudding, and powithout conscience, your friends without af- tatoes, port, punch, and Calvert's entire buttfection, and your dependents without fidelity. beer. He has fixed upon the first day of the My letter would swell into a treatise, were week for the exercise of his hospitality, beI to particularise every cause of offence that cause some of his guests could not enjoy it fills up the measure of my aversion to this on any other, for reasons that I need not exand every other crowded city. Thank hea- plain. I was civilly received, in a plain yet yen I am not so far sucked into the vortex, decent habitation, which opened backwards but that I can disengage myself without any into a very pleasant garden, kept in excelgreat effort of philosophy. From this wild lent order; and, indeed, I saw none of the uproar of knavery, folly, and impertinence, outward signs of authorship, either in the I shall fly with double relish to the serenity house or the landlord, who is one of those of retirement, the cordial effusions of unre- few writers of the age that stand upon their served friendship, the hospitality and pro- own foundation, without patronage and above tection of the rural gods; in a word, the ju- dependence. If there was nothing characcunda oblivia vite, which Horace himself teristic in the entertainer, the company made had not taste enough to enjoy. ample amends for his want of singularity. I have agreed for a good travelling coach- At two in the afternoon I found myself and-four, at a guinea a day, for three months one of ten messmates seated at a table; and certain; and next week we intend to begin I question if the whole kingdom could proour journey to the north, hoping still to be duce such another assemblage of originals. with you by the latter end of October. I Among their peculiarities, I do not mention shall continue to write from every stage those of dress, which may be purely acciwhere we make any considerable halt, as dental.'What struck me were oddities orin often as any thing occurs which I think can ginally produced by affectation, and afterafford you the least amusement. In the mean wards confirmed by habit. One of them wore time, I must beg you will superintend the spectacles at dinner, and another his hat economy of Barnes, with respect to my hay flapped; though (as Ivy told me) the first and corn harvests; assured that my ground was noted for having a seaman's eye, when produces nothing but what you may freely a bailiff was in the wind; and the other was call your own. On any other terms I should never known to labour under any weakness be ashamed to subscribe myself your invaria- or defect of vision, except about five years ble friend, AMATT. BRAMBLE. ago, when he was complimented with a couLondon, June 8, ple of black eyes by a player, with whom he 366 SMOLLET'S SELECT WORKS. had quarrelled in his drink. A third wore a but if he published the satire, he might delaced stocking, and made use of crutches, serve his compassion, and had nothing to because once in his life he had been laid up fear from his revenge. Wyvil, having con. with a broken leg, though no man could leap sidered the alternative, resolved to mortify over a stick with more agility. A fourth S —, by printing the panegyric, for which had contracted such an antipathy to the he received a sound drubbing. Then he country, that he insisted upon sitting with swore the peace against the aggressor, who, his back towards the window that looked in order to avoid a prosecution at law, adinto the garden; and when a dish of cauli- mitted him to his good graces. It was the flower was set upon the table, he snuffed up singularity in S-'s conduct on this occavolatile salts to keep him from fainting; yet sion, that reconciled him to the yellow-gloved this delicate person was the son of a cot- philosopher, who owned he had some genius, tager, born under a hedge, and had many and from that period cultivated his acquaint years run wild among asses on a common. ance. A fifth affected distraction; when spoken to, Curious to know upon what subjects the he always answered from the purpose- several talents of my fellow-guests were emsometimes he suddenly started up, and rap- ployed, I applied to my communicative friend, ped out a dreadful oath-sometimes he burst Dick Ivy, who gave me to understand, that out a-laughing-then he folded his arms and most of them were, or had been, undersighed-and then he hissed like fiftyserpents. strappers or journeymen to more creditable At first, I really thought he was mad, and, authors, for whom they translated, collated, as he sat near me, began to be under some and compiled, in the business of book-maklapprehensions for my own safety, when our ing; and that all of them had, at different landlord, perceiving me alarmed, assured me, times, laboured in the service of our landaloud, that I had nothing to fear "The lord, though they had now set up for themgentleman," said he, " is trying to act a part selves in various departments of literature. for which he is by no means qualified —if he INlot only their talents, but also their nations had all the inclination in the world, it is not and dialects were so various, that our conin his power to be mad. His spirits are too versation resembled the confusion of tongues fiat to be kindled into frenzy." "'Tis no at Babel. bad p-p-puff, how-ow-ever," observed a per- We had the Irish brogue, the'Scotch acson in a tarnished laced coat, "aff-ffected cent, and foreirgn idiom, twanged off by the nm-madness w-will p-pass for w-wit, w-with most discordant vociferation; for, as they, all nine-nine-teen out of t-twenty." "And af- spoke together, no man had any chance to fected stuttering for humour," replied our be heard, unless he could bawl louder than landlord, "' though, God knows, there is no his fellows. It mnust be owned, however, affinity between them." It seems, this wag, there was nothing pedantic in their discourse; afier having made some abortive attempts in they carefully avoided all learned disquisiplain speaking, had recourse to this defect, tions, and endeavoured to be facetious; nor by means of which he frequently extorted did their endeavours always miscarry. Some the laugh of the company, without the least droll repartee passed, and much laughter was expense of genius; and that imperfection, excited; and if any individual lost his temper which he had at first counterfeited, was now so far as to trangress the bounds of decorum, become so habitual, that he could not lay he was effectually checked by the master of it aside. the feast, who exerted a sort of paternal A certain winking genius, who wore yel- authority over this irritable tribe. iow gloves at dinner, had, on his first intro- The most learned philosopher of the whole duction, taken such offence at S —, be- collection, who had been expelled the unicause he looked and talked, and eat and versity for atheism, has made great progress drank, like any other man, that he spoke in a refutation of Lord Bolingbroke's metacontemptuously of his understanding ever physical works, which is said to be equally after, and never would repeat his visit, until ingenious and orthodox; but, in the mean he had exhibited the following proof of his time, he has been presented to the grand caprice. Wat Wyvil, the poet, having made jury as a public nuisance, fbr having blas.. sonme unsuccessful advances towards an in- phemed in an alehouse on the Lord's day, timacy with S-, at last gave him to un- The Scotchman gives lectures on the proderstand, by a third person, that he had nunciation of the English language, which written a poem in his praise, and a satire he is now publishing by subscription. against his person; that, if he would admit The Irishman is a political writer, and him to his house the first should be imme- goes by the name of my Lord Potato. He dittely sent to the press; but that, if he per- wrote a pamphlet in vindication of a minister,, sisted in declining his friendship, he would hoping his zeal would be rewarded with some publish the satire without delay. S- re- place or pension; but, finding himself neplied, that he looked upon Wyvil's panegyric glected in that quarter, he whispered about'S, in efect, a species of infamy, and would that the pamphlet was written by the minis*eseont it accordingly with a good cudgel; ister himself, and he published an answer ta EXPEDITION OF HUMPHIRY CLINKER. 387 his own production. In this he addressed size and inaptitude for motion. Birkin, who the author under the title of your lordship, took umbrage at this poor author's petulance, with such solemnity, that the public swal- in presuming to joke upon a man so much lowed the deceit, and bouglht up the whole richer than himself, told him he was not so impression. The wise politicians of the me- unwieldy but that he could move the Martropolis declared they were both masterly shalsea court for a writ, and even overtake performances, and chuckled over the flimsy him with it, if he did not very speedily come reveries of an ignorant garreteer, as the pro- and settle accounts with him, respecting the found speculations of a veteran statesman, expense of publishing his last ode to the acquainted with all the secrets of the cabinet. King of Prussia, of which he had sold but The imposture was detected in the sequel, three, and one of them was to Whitefield and our Hilbernian pamphleteer retains no the methodist. Tim affected to receive this part of his assumed importance but the bare intimation with good humour, saying, he title of mny lord, and the upper part of the expected in a post or two, from Potsdam, a table at the potato ordinary in Shoe-lane. poem of thanks from his Prussian majesty, Opposite to me sat a Piedmontese, who who knew very well how to pay poets in had obliged the public with a humorous their own coin; but, in the mean time, he satire, entitled, The balance of the En gliSh proposed that ~Mr Birkin and he should run poets; a performance which evinced the three times round the garden for a bowl of great modesty and taste of the author, and, punch, tohbe drank at Ashley's in the evenin particular, his intimacy with the elegan- ing', and he would run boots against stockcies of the English lanoguage. The sage, ings. The bookseller, who valued himself who laboured under the 2 s,, or horror upon his mettle, was persuaded to accept of green fields, had just finished a treatise the challenge; and he forthwith resigned his on practical agriculture, thoug'h, in fact, he boots to Cropdale, who, when he had put had never seen corn growing in his life; and them on, was no bad representation of Capwas so ignorant of grain, that our enter- tain Pistol in the play. tainer, in the face of the whole company, Every thing being adjusted, they started made him own, that a plate of hominy was together'with great impetuosity, and, in the the best rice-pudding he had ever ate. second round, Birkin had clearly the advanThe stutterer had almost finished his tra- tage, larding the lean earth as he pzuff'd vels through Europe and part of Asia, with- along. Cropdale had no mind to contest out ever budging beyond the liberties of the the victory further, but, in a twinkling, disKing's Bench, except in term time, with a appeared through the back-door of the gartip-staff for his companion; and as for little den, which opened into a private lane that Tim Cropdale, the most facetious member had communication with the high road. of the whole society, he had happily wound The spectators immediately began to halloo, lip the catastrophe of a virgin tragedy, from -" Stole away!" and Birkin set off in purthe exhibition of which he promised himself suit of him with great eagerness; but he had a large fiund of profit and reputation. Tim not advanced twenty yards in the lane, when had made shift to live many years by writing a thorn running into his foot, sent him hop. novels, at the rate of five pounds a volume; ping back into the garden, roaring with but that branch of business is now engrossed pain, and swearing with vexation. When by female authors, who publish merely for he was delivered fiom this annoyance by the the propagation of virtue, with so much ease, Scotchman, who had been bred to surgery, and spirit, and delicacy, and knowledge of he looked about him wildly, exclaimingthe human heart, and all in the serene tran- "Sure the fellow won't be such a rogue as quillity of high life, that the reader is not to run clear away withmy boots!" Our landonly enchanted by their genius, but reformed lord having reconnoitred the shoes he had by their morality. left, which, indeed, hardly deserved that After dinner we adjourned into the garden, name,-" Pray," said he, " Mr Birkin, wa'n't where, I observed, Mr S- gave a short your boots made of calf-skin?" " Calf-skin separate audience to every individual, in a or cow-skin," replied the other, "I'll find a small remote filbert walk, from whence most slip of sheep-skin that will do his business. of them dropped off, one after another, with- I lost twenty pounds by his farce, which you out further ceremony; but they were replaced persuaded me to buy. I am out of pocket by fresh recruits of the same clan, who came five pounds by his damn'd ode; and now this to make an afternoon's visit; and, among pair of boots, brann new, cost me thirty others, a spruce bookseller, called Birkin, shillings, as per receipt. But this affair of who rode his own gelding, and made his the boots is felony-transportation. I'll appearance in a pair of new jemmy boots, have the dog indicted at the Old Bailey-I with massy spurs of plate. It was not with- will, Mr S —. I will be revenged, even out reason that this midwife of the muses though I should lose my debt in consequence used to exercise a-horseback, for he was too of his conviction." fat to walk a-foot; and he underwent some Mr S — said nothing at present, but acsarcasms from Tim Cropdale on his unwieldy corninodated him with a pair of shoes; then 368 SMOLLETT'S SELECT WORKS. ordered his servant to rub him down, and another; but asked if any of the company comfort him with a glass of rum punch, could tell where Mr Cropdale lodged, that he which seemed in a great measure to cool the might send him a proposal about restitution, rage of his indignation. "After all," said before the boots should be made away with. our landlord, "this is no more than a hum- " I would willingly give him a pair of new bug in the way of wit, though it deserves a shoes," said he, "and half a guinea into the more respectable epithet, when considered bargain, for the boots, which fitted me like a as an effort of invention. Tim being, I sup- glove, and I sha'n't be able to get the fellows pose, out of credit with the cordwainer, fell of them, till the good weather for riding is upon this ingenious expedient to supply the over." The stuttering wit declared, that want of shoes, knowing that Mr Birkin, who the only secret which Cropdale ever kept, loves humour, would himself relish the joke was the place of his lodgings; but he beupon a little recollection. Cropdale literally lieved that, during the heats of summer, he lives by his wit, which he has exercised upon commonly took his repose upon a bulk, or all his friends in their turns. Hie once borrow- indulged himself in fresco, with one of the ed my poney for five or six days to go to Sal- kennel-nymphs, under the portico of St Marisbury, and sold him in Smithfield at his re- tin's church. "Pox on him," cried the turn. This was a joke of such a serious bookseller, "he might as well have taken nature, that, in the first transports of my my whip and spurs. In that case, he might passion, I had some thoughts of prosecuting have been tempted to steal another horse, him for horse-stealing; and, even when my and then he would have rid to the devil, of resentment had in some measure subsided, course." as he industriously avoided me, I vowed I After coffee, I toolk my leave of Mr S —, would take satisfaction on his ribs with the with proper acknowledgements of his civilfirst opportunity. One day, seeing him at ity, and was extremely well pleased with the some distance in the street, coming towards entertainment of the day, though not yet mne, I began to prepare my cane for action, satisfied with respect to the nature of this and walked in the shadow of a porter, that connection betwixt a man of character in he might not perceive me soon enough to the literary world, and a parcel of authormake his escape; but, in the very instant I lings, who, in all probability, would never be had lifted up the instrument of correction, I able to acquire any degree of reputation by found To a Cropdale metamorphosed into a their labours. On this head I interrogated miserable blind wretch, feeling his way with my conductor, Dick Ivy, who answered me a long stick from post to post, and rolling to this effect: "One would imagine S —about two bald unlighted orbs instead of had some view to his own interest, in giving eyes. I was exceedingly shocked at having countenance and assistance to those people, so narrowly escaped the concern and dis- whom he knows to be bad men, as well as grace that would have attended such a mis- bad writers; but, if he has any such view, application of vengeance; but, next day, he will find himself disappointed; for if he Tim prevailed upon a friend of mine to come is so vain as to imagine he can make them and solicit my forgiveness, and offer his note, subservient to his schemes of profit or ambipayable in six weeks, for the price of the tion, they are cunning enough to make him poney. This gentleman gave me to under- their property in the mean time. There is stand, that the blind man was no other than not one of the company you have seen toCropdale, who, having seen me advancing, day, myself excepted, who does not owe him and guessing my intent, had immediately particular obligations. One of them he bailconverted himself into the object aforesaid. ed out of a sponging-house, and afterwards I was so diverted at the ingenuity of the eva- paid the debt; another he translated into his sion, that I agreed to pardon his offence, family, and clothed, when he was turned out refusing his note, however, that I might half-naked from jail, in consequence of an keep a prosecution for felony hanging over act for the relief of insolvent debtors; a his head, as a security for his future good third, who was reduced to a woollen nightbehaviour; but Timothy would by no means cap, and lived upon sheeps' trotters, up three trust himself in my hands till the note was pairs of stairs backward, in Butcher-row, he accepted. Then he made his appearance at took into present pay and free quarters, and my door as a blind beggar, and imposed in enabled him to appear as a gentleman, withsuch a manner upon my man, who had been out having the fear of sheriff's officers before his old acquaintance and pot-companion, his eyes. Those who are in distress he supthat the fellow threw the door in his face, and plies with money when he has it, and with his even threatened to give him the bastinado. credit when he is out of cash. When they Hearing a noise in the hall, I went thither, want business, he either finds employment and immediately recollecting the figure I had for them in his own service, or recommends passed in the street, accosted him by his own them to booksellers, to execute some project name, to the unspeakable astonishment of he has formed for their subsistence. They the footman." are always welcome to his table, which, Birkin declared he loved a joke as well as though plain, is plentiful, and to his good EXPEDITION OF HUMPH:RY CLINKER. 369 offices, as far as they will go; and, when that, though he pretended to have a knack they see occasion, they make use of his at hitting offcharacters, he blundered strangename with the most petulant familiarity; ly in the distribution of his favours, which nay, they do not even scruple to arrogate to were generally bestowed on the most undethemselves the merit of some of his perform- serving of those who had recourse to his asances, and have been known to sell their sistance; that, indeed, this preference was own lucubrations as the produce of his brain. not so much owing to a want of discernment, The Scotchman you saw at dinner, once as to want of resolution; for he had not for*personated him at an alehouse in West titude enough to resist the importunity even Smithfield, and, in the character of S-, of the most worthless; and, as he did not had his head broke by a cow-keeper, for hav- know the value of money, there was very ing spoken disrespectfully of the Christian little merit in parting with it so easily; that religion; but he took the law of him in his his pride was gratified in seeing himself own person, and the assailant was fain to courted by such a number of literary depend. give him ten pounds to withdraw his ac- ents; that, probably, he delighted in hearing tion." them expose and traduce one another; and, I observed, that all this appearance of finally, from their information, he became liberality on the side of Mr S, was easily acquainted with all the transactions of Grub accounted for, on the supposition that they street, which he had some thoughts of flattered him in private, and engaged his ad- compiling, for the entertainment of the pub. versaries in public; and yet I was astonish- lic. ed, when I recollected that I often had seen I could not help suspecting, from Dick's this writer virulently abused, in papers, discourse, that he had some particular grudge poems, and pamphlets, and not a pen was against S-, upon whose conduct he had drawn in his defence. "But you will be put the worst construction it would bear; more astonished," said he, " when I assure and, by dint of cross-examination, I found he you those very guests, whom you saw at his was not at all satisfied with the character table to-day, were the authors of great part which had been given in the review of his of that abuse; and he himself is well aware last performance, though it had been treated of their particular favours, for they are all civilly, in consequence of the author's apeagter to detect and betray one another." plication to the critic. By all accounts, " But this is doing the Devil's work for no- S — is not without weakness and caprice; thing," cried I. " What should induce them but he is certainly good-humoured and civilto revile their benefactor without provoca- ized; nor do I find that there is any thing tion " "' Envy," answered Dick, "is the overbearing, cruel, or implacable, in his disgeneral incitement; but they are galled by position. an additional scourge of provocation. S- I have dwelt so long upon authors, that directs a literary journal, in which their pro- you will, perhaps, suspect I intend to enrol ductions are necessarily brought to trial; myself among the fraternity; but, if I were and though many of them have been treated actually qualified for the profession, it is, at with such lenity and favour as they little de- best, but a desperate resource against starvserved, yet the slightest censure, such as ing, as it affords no provision for old age perhaps could not be avoided with any pre- and infirmity. Salmon, at the age of fourtensions to candour and impartiality, has score, is now in a garret, compiling matter, rankled in the hearts of those authors to at a guinea a sheet, for a modern historian, such a degree, that they have taken imrme- who, in point of age, might be his granddiate vengeance on the critic, in anonymous child; and Psalmonazar, after having drudged libels, letters, and lampoons. Indeed, all the half a century in the literary mill, in all the wvriters of the age, good, bad, and indiffer- simplicity and abstinence of an Asiatic, subent, from the moment he assumed this office, sists upon the chuarity of a felwd booksellers, became his enemies, either professed, or in just sufficient to keep him from the parishi petto, except those of his friends, who knew I thinlk Guy, who wass himself a bookseller, they had nothing to fear from his strictures; ought to have appropriated one wixing ot ward and he must be a wiser man than me, who of his hospital to the use of decayed authors can tell what advantage or satisfaction he though, indeed, there is neither hospital, co!b derives from having brought such a nest of lege, nor workhouse, within the bills of morhornets about his ears." tality, large enough to contain the poor of I owned that was a point which might de- this society, composed, as it is, from the serve consideration; but still I expressed a refuse of every other profession. desire to know his real motives for continu- I know not whether you will find any ing his friendship to a set of rascals equally amusement in this account of an odd race ungrateful and insignificant. He said he did of mortals, whose constitution had, I own, not pretend to assign any reasonable motive; greatly interested the curiosity of' yours, that, if the truth must be told, the man was, J. MIELO'DoD in point of conduct, a most incorrigible fool;, ondon,,fane 190 5 P* 370 SMOLLETT'S SELECT WORKS. of receiving this toy, I signified my doubts to To Miss LETITIA WILLIS, AT GLOUCES- my brother, who said he would consult my TER. uncle on the subject, and seemed to think Mr Barton had been rather premature in his MY DEAR LETTY,-There is something on presents. my spirits, which I should not venture to What will be the result of this consultcommunicate by the post; but having the ation, heaven knows: but I am afraid it will opportunity of Mrs Brentwood's return, I produce an explanation with Mr Barton, seize it eagerly, to disburden my poor heart, who will, no doubt, avow his passion, and which is oppressed with fear and vexation. solicit their consent to a connection which O Letty! what a miserable situation it is to my soul abhors; for, my dearest Letty, it is be without a friend to whom one can apply not in my power to love Mr Barton, even if for counsel and consolation in distress! 1 my heart was untouched by any other ten. hinted in my last, that one Mr Barton had derness: not that there is any thing disbeen very particular in his civilities: —I can agreeable about his person; but there is a no longer mistake his meaning. He has total want of that nameless charm which formally professed himself my admirer; and, captivates and controls the enchanted spirit after a thousand assiduities, perceiving I — at least he appears to me to have this demade but a cold return to his addresses, he fect; but if he had all the engaging qualifihad recourse to the mediation of Lady Gris- cations which a man can possess, they would kin, who has acted the part of a very warm be excited in vain against that constancy, advocate in his behalf. But, my dear Wil- which, I flatter myself, is the characteristic lis, her ladyship overacts her part. She not of my nature. No, my dear Willis, I may be only expatiates on the ample fortune, the involved in fresh troubles, and I believe I great connexions, and the unblemished cha- shall, from the importunities of this gentleracter of Mr Barton, but she takes the trouble man and the violence of my relations; but to catechise me; and, two days ago, pe- my heart is incapable of change. remptorily told me, that a girl of my age You know I put no faith in dreams; and could not possibly resist so many consider- yet I have been much disturbed by one that ations, if her heart was not pre-engaged. visited me last night. I thought I was in a This insinuation threw me into such a flut- church, where a certain person, whom you ter, that she could not but observe my dis- know, was on the point of being married to order; and, presuming upon the discovery, my aunt; that the clergyman was Mr Barinsisted upon my makingf her the confidante ton, and that poor forlorn I stood weeping in of my passion. But, although I had not a corner, half naked, and without shoes or such command of myself as to conceal the stockings. Now I know that there is noemotion of my heart, I am not such a child thing so childish as to be moved by those as to disclose its secrets to a person who vain illusions; but, nevertheless, in spite of would certainly use them to its prejudice. all my reason, this hath made a strong imI told her, it was no wonder if I was out of pression upon my mind, which begins to be countenance at her introducing a subject of very gloomy. Indeed, I have another more conversation so unsuitable to my years and substantial cause of affliction —I have some inexperience: that I believed Mr Barton -religious scruples, my dear friend, which lie was a very worthy gentleman, and I was heavy on my conscience. I was persuaded much obliged to him for his good opinion; to go to the tabernacle, where I heard a disbut the affections were involuntary, and course that affected me deeply. I have nine, in particular, had as yet made no con- prayed fervently to be enlightened, but as yet cessions in his favour. She shook her head, I am not sensible of these inward motions, with an air of distrust that made me tremble, these operations of grace, which are the signs and observed, that if my affections were of a regenerated spirit; and therefore I befree, they would submit to the decision of gin to be in terrible apprehensions about the prudence, especially when enforced by the state of my poor soul. Some of our family authority of those who had a right to direct have had very uncommon accessions, partimy conduct. This remark implied a design cularly my aunt and Mrs Jenkins, who someto interest my uncle or my aunt, perhaps my times speak as if they were really inspired; brother, in behalf of Mr Barton's passion; so that I am not like to want for either exand I am sadly afraid that my aunt is already hortation or example, to purify my thoughts, gained over. Yesterday, in the afternoon, and recall them from the vanities of this he had been walking with us in the park, and world, which, indeed, I would willingly restopping in our return at a toy-shop, he pre- sign, if it was in my power; but, to make sented her with a very fine snuff-box, and this sacrifice, I must be enabled by such asme with a gold etuis, which I resolutely re- sistance from above as hath not yet been infused, till she commanded me to accept it, on dulged to your unfortunate firiend, pain of her displeasure: nevertheless, being LYDIA MELFORD still unsatisfied with respect to the propriety June 10. EXPEDITION OF HIUMPHRY CLINKER. 371 scended immediately, and all the people To SIR WATRIN PHILLIPS, BART. OF JESUS were in commotion. Barton looked exceedCOLLEGE, OXON. ingly sheepish, Lady Griskin flirted her fan, Mrs Tabby groaned in spirit, Liddy changed DEAR PHIILLIPS,-The moment I received countenance, and Mrs Jenkins sobbed as if your letter, I began to execute your commiss- her heart was breaking. My uncle, with a ion. With the assistance of mine host at sneer, asked pardon of the ladies for having the Bull and Gate, I discovered the place interrupted their devotion, saying, he had to which your fugitive valet had retreated, particular business with the preacher, whom and taxed him with his dishonesty. The he ordered to call a hackney-coach. This fellow was in manifest confusion at sight of being immediately brought up to the end of me-but he denied the charge with great the lane, he handed Liddy into it; and my confidence; till I told him, that, if he would aunt and I following him, we drove home, give up the watch, which was a family-piece, without taking any farther notice of the rest he might keep the money and the clothes, of the company, who still remained in silent and go to the devil his own way, at his lei- astonishment. sure; but, if he rejected this proposal, I would Mr Bramble, perceiving Liddy in great deliver him forthwith to the constable, whom trepidation, assumed a milder aspect, bidding I had provided for that purpose, and he would her to be under no concern, for he was not carry him before the justice without farther at all displeased at any thing she had done. delay. After some hesitation, he desired to -" I have no objection," said he, "to your speak with me in the next room, where he being religiously inclined; but I don't think produced the watch, with all its appendages; my servant is a proper ghostly director for a and I have delivered it to our landlord, to be devotee of your sex and character. If, in sent you by the first safe conveyance. So fact (as I rather believe), your aunt is not much for business. the sole conductress of this machine." —I shall grow vain upon your saying you Mrs Tabitha made no answer, but threw up find entertainment in my letters, barren, as the whites of her eyes, as if in the act of they certainly are, of incident and impor- ejaculation. Poor Liddy said she had no tance; because your amusement must arise, right to the title of a devotee; that she not from the matter, but from the manner, thought there was no harm in hearing a which you know is all my own. Animated, pious discourse, even if it came from a foottherefore, by the approbation of a person man, especially as her aunt was present; whose nice taste and consummate judgment but that, if she had erred from ignorance, I can no longer doubt, I will cheerfully pro- she hoped he would excuse it, as she could ceed with our memoirs. As it is determined not bear the thoughts of living under his we shall set out next week for Yorkshire, I displeasure. The old gentleman, pressing went to-day, in the forenoon, with my uncle, her hand, with a tender smile, said she was to see a carriage belonging to a coachmaker a good girl, and that he did not believe her in our neighbourhood. Turning down a capable of doing any thing that could give narrow lane, behind Long Acre, we perceived him the least umbrage or disgust. a crowd of people standing at a door, which, When we arrived at our lodgings, he comit seems, opened into a kind of methodist manded Mr Clinker to attend him up stairs, meeting, and were informed that a footman and spoke to him in these words.-" Since was then holding forth to the congregation you are called upon by the spirit to preach within. Curious to see this phenomenon, and to teach, it is high time to lay aside the we squeezed into the place with much diffi- livery of an earthly master; and, for my culty; and who should this preacher be, but part, I am unworthy to have an apostle in the identical Humphry Clinker! He had my service." " I hope," said Humphry, 6I finished his sermon, and given out a psalm, have not failed in my duty to your honour-I the first stave of which le sung with peculiar should be a vile wretch if I did, considering grace. But, if we were astonished to see the misery from which your charity and Clinker in the pulpit, we were altogether compassion relieved me-but having an inconfounded at finding all the females of our ward admonition of the spirit-" "An adfamily among the audience. There was monition of the devil," cried the squire in a Lady Griskin, Mrs Tabitha Bramble, Mrs passion. "What admonition, you blockWinifred Jenkins, my sister Liddy, and Mr head? What right has such a fellow as you Barton, and all of them joined in the psalm- to set up for a reformer!" " Begging your ody with strong marks of devotion. honour's pardon," replied Clinker, "may I could hardly keep my gravity on this lu- not the new light of God's grace shine upon dicrous occasion; but old Squaretoes was the poor and ignorant in their humility, as differently affected. The first thing that well as upon the wealthy and the philosopher struck him was the presumption of his lac- in all his pride of human learning?" "What quey, whom he commanded to come down, you imagine to be the new light of grace," with such an air of authority, as Humphry said his master, k"I take to be a deceitful did not think proper to disregard. He de- vapour, glimmering through a crack in your 372 SMOLLETT'S SELECT WORKS. upper story-in a word, Mr Clinkler, I will you, and she seems very well disposed to have no light in my family but what pays reward your labour." "1 would notwillinlgthe king's taxes, unless it be the light of rea- ly give offence to any soul upon earth," anson, which you don't pretend to follow."' swered I-lumphry; "her ladyship has been "Ah, sir!" cried Humphry, "the light very good io me ever since we came to of reason is no more, in comparison to tie London; and surely she has a heart turned light I mean, than a farthing candle to the for religious exercises, and both she and sun at noon." "6 Very true," said my uncle, Lady Griskin sing psalms and hymns like "6the one will serve to show you your way, two cherubims; but, at the same time, I am and the other to dazzle and confound your bound to love and obey your honour. It beweak brain. Hark ye, Clinker, you are cometh not such a poor ignorant fellow as either an hypocritical knave, or a wrong'- me to hold dispute with a gentleman of rank headed enthusiast; and, in either case, unfit and learning. As for the matter of knowfor my service. If you are a quack in sane- ledge, I am no more than a beast in compatity and devotion, you will find it an easy rison to your honour: therefore I submit; matter to impose upon silly women, and and, with God's grace, I will follow you to others of crazed understanding, who will the world's end, if you don't think me too contribute lavishly for your support. If you far gone to be out of confinement." are really seduced by the reveries of a dis- His master promised to keep him for some turbed imagination, the sooner you lose your time longer on trial; then desired to know senses entirely, the better for yourself and in what manner Lady Griskin and Mr Barton the community. In that case some charita- came to join their religious society. He ble person might provide you with a dark told him, that her ladyship was the person room and clean straw in Bedlam, where it who first carried my aunt and sister to the would not be in your power to infect others tabernacle, whither he attended them, and with your fanaticism; whereas, if you have had his devotion kindled by Alr W-'s just reflection enough left to maintain the preaching; that he was confirmed in this character of a chosen vessel in the meetings new way by the preacher's sermons, which of the godly, you and your hearers will be he had bought and studied with great attenmisled by a Will-o'the-wisp, from one error tion; that his discourse and prayers had into another, till you are plunged into a re- brought over IMrs Jenkins and the houses ligious frenzy; and then, perhaps, you will maid to the same way of thinking; but as hang yourself in despair-" "Which the for Mlr Barton, he had never seen him at Lord of his infinite mercy forbid!" exclaimed service before this day, when he came in the affrighted Clinker. "It is very possible company with Lady Griskin. Humphry X may be under the temptation of the devil, moreover owned, that he had been encourwho wants to wreck me on the rocks of aged to mount the rostrum by the example spiritual pride. Your honour says I am and success of a weaver, who was much either a knave or a madman; now, as I'll followed as a powerful minister: that, on assure your honour I am no knave, it follows his first trial, he found himself under such that I must be mad; therefore, I beseech strong impulsions, as made him believe he your honour, upon my knees, to take my was certainly moved by the spirit; and case into consideration, that means may be that he had assisted in Lady Griskin's and used for my recovery." several private houses, at exercises of The squire could not help smiling at the devotion. poor fellow's simplicity, and promised to Mr Bramble was no sooner informed that take care of him, provided he would mind her ladyship had acted as the primum mothe business of his place, without running bile of this confederacy, than he concluded after the new light of methodism; but Mrs she had only made use of Clinker as a tool, Tabitha took offence at his humility, which subservient to the execution of some design, she interpreted into poorness of spirit and to the true secret of which he was an utter worldly mindedness. She upbraided him stranger. He observed, that her ladyship's with the want of courage to suffer for con- brain was a perfect mill for projects; and science sake; she observed, that if he should that she and Tabby had certainly engaged in lose his place for bearing testimony of the some secret treaty, the nature of which he truth, Providence would not fail to find him could not comprehend. I told him I thought another, perhaps more advantageous; and it was no difficult matter to perceive the declaring, that it could not be very agreeable drift, of Mrs Tabitha, which was to ensnare to live in a family where an inquisition was the heart of Barton, and that in all likelihood established, retired to another room in great my Lady Griskin acted as her auxiliary: agitation. that this supposition would account for their My uncle followed her with a significant endeavours to convert him to methodism; look; then turning to the preacher,-" You an event which would occasion a connection hear what my sister says,-if you cannot live of souls that might be easily improved into wkith me upon such terms as I have prescri- a matrimonial union. bed, the vineyard of methodism lies before Mi1y uncle seemed to be much diverted by EXPEDITION OF HUMPHRY CLINKER. 373 the thoughts of this sheme succeeding; but of short duration. I am plunged again in a I gave him to understand, that Barton was sea of vexation, and the complaints in my pre-engaged; that he had the day before made stomach and bowels are returned; so that I a present of an etuis to Liddy, which her suppose I shall be disabled from prosecuting aunt had obliged her to receive, with a view the excursion I had planned. What the de(no doubt) to countenance her own accept- vil had I to do to come a plague-hunting ance of a snuff-box at the same time: that with a leash of females in my train' Yesmy sister having made me acquainted with terday my precious sister (who, by the bye, this incident, I had desired an explanation has been for some time a profest methodist) of iMr Barton, who declared his intentions came into my apartment, attended by itr were honourable, and expressed his hope that Barton, and desired an audience with a very I would have no objections to his alliance: stately air. "Brother," said she, "this that I had thanked him for the honour he gentleman has something to propose, which intended our family; but told him, it would I flatter myself will be the more acceptable, be necessary to consult her uncle and aunt, as it will rid you of a troublesome compawho were her guardians; and their approba- nion." Then BMr Barton proceeded to this tion being obtained, I could have no objec- effect-"' I am, indeed, extremely ambitious tion to his proposal; though I was persua- of being allied to your family, Mr Bramble, ded that no violence would be offered to my and 1 hope you will see no cause to intersister's inclinations, in a transaction that so pose your authority." "As for authority,9' nearly interested the happiness of her future said Tabby, interrupting him with some "ife; that he had assuled me, he should never warmth, "I know of none that he has a think of availing himself of a guardian's au- right to use on this occasion. If I pay him thority9 unless he could render his addresses the compliment of maring him acquainted agreeable to the young lady herself; and with the stepIintend to take, it is all he can that he wotfid immediately demand permis- expect in reason. This is as much as I besion of hIr and Mrs Bramble to make Liddy lieve he would do by me, if he intended to a tLender of his hand and fortune. change his own situation in life. In a word, The squire was not insensible to the ad- brother, I am so sensible of Mr Barton's ex-,vantages of such a match, and declared he traordinary merit, that I have been prevailed would promote it with all his influence; but upon to alter my resolution of living a single when I took notice that there seemed to be life, and to put my happiness in his hands, an aversion on the side of Liddy, he said he by vesting him with a legal title to my perwould sound her on the subject, and if her son and fortune, such as they are. The busireluctancy was such as would not be easily ness at present is to have the writings overcome, he would civilly decline the pro- drawn; and I shall be obliged to you if you posal of Mr Barton: for he thought that. in will recommend a lawyer to me for thatpurthe choice of a husband, a young woman pose." ought not to sacrifice the feelings of her You may guess what an effect this over.. heart for any consideration upon earth,- ture had upon me, who (from the informa"' Liddy is not so desperate," said he, "as to tion of my nephew) expected that Barton worship fortune at suchan expense." I take was to make a formal declaration of his it for granted this whole affair wvill end in passion for Liddy; I could not help gazing smoke; though there seems to be a storm in silent astonishnment, alternately at Tabby brewing in the quarter of Mrs Tabby, who and her supposed admirer, which last hung sat with all the sullen dignity of silence at din- his head in the most awkward confusion for ner, seemingly pregnant with complaint and a few minutes, and then retired, on pretence expostulation. As she has certainly marked of being suddenly seized with a vertigo. Barton for her own prey, she cannot possibly Mrs Tabitha affected much concern, and favour his suit with Liddy; and therefore I would have had him make use of a bed expect something extraordinary will attend in the house; but he insisted upon going his declaring himself my sister's admirer. home, that he might have recourse to some This declaration will certainly be made in drops, which he kept for such emergencies; form, as soon as the lover can pick up reso- and his inamorata acquiesced. In the mean lution enough to stand the brunt of Mrs time I was exceedingly puzzled at this adTabby's disappointment: for he is, without venture (though I suspected the truth), and doubt, aware of her designs upon his person. did not know in what manner to demean myThe particulars of the denouement you shall self towards Mrs Tabitha, when Jerry came know in due season. Meanwhile, I am al. in and told me he had just seen Mr Barton ways yours, J. MELFORD. alight friom his chariot at Lady Griskin's London, June 10. door. This incident seemed to threaten a visit from her ladyship, with which we were honoured accordingly, in less than half an To DR LEwis. hour. C "I find," said she, "6 there has been a match of cross-purposes among you, good DEAR LEwis, —The deceitful calm was folks; and I'm come to set you to rights.'" 374 SMOLLETT'S SELECT WORKS. So saying, she presented me with the follow- Miss Liddy!" said she, "you have profited ing billet. by the example of your good aunt. I corn"DEAR SIR,-I no sooner recollected my- prehend your meaning, and will explain it self from the extreme confusion I was thrown when I have a proper opportunity, In the into by that unlucky mistake of your sister, mean time I shall take my leave-Madam, than I thought it my duty to assure you, that my your most obedient and devoted humble serdevoirs to Mrs Bramble never exceeded the vant," said she, advancing close up to my bounds of ordinary civility, and that my heart sister, and courtesying so low, that I thought is unalterably fixed upon Mliss Liddy Mel- she intended to squat herself down on the ford, as I had the honour to declare to her floor. This salutation Tabby returned with brother, when he questioned me upon that equal solemnity; and the expression of the subject. Lady Griskin has been so good as two faces, while they continued in this attito charge herself, not only with the delivery tude, would be no bad subject for a pencil of this note, but also with the task of unde- like that of the incomparable Hogarth, if any ceiving Mrs Bramble, for whom I have the such should ever appear again in these times most profound respect and veneration, though of dullness and degeneracy. my affection being otherwise engaged, is no. Jerry accompanied her ladyship to her longer in the power of, sir, your very humble house, that he might have an opportunity to servant, " RALPH BARTON." restore the etuis to Barton, and advise him Having cast my eyes over this billet, I to give up his suit, which was so disagreetold her ladyship that I would no longer re- able to his sister, against whom, however, tard the friendly office she had undertaken; he returned much irritated. Lady Griskin and I and Jerry forthwith retired into another had assured him, that Liddy's heart was preroom. There we soon perceived the con- occupied; and immediately the idea of Wilversation grow very warm betwixt the two son recurring to his imagination, his family ladies; and at length could distinctly hear pride took the alarm. He denounced vencertain terms of altercation, which we could geance against that adventurer, and was disno longer delay interrupting, with any re- posed to be very peremptory with his sister gard to decorum. When we entered the but I desired he would suppress his resentscene of contention, we found Liddy had ment, until I should have talked with her in joined the disputants, and stood trembling private. betwixt them, as if she had been afraid they The poor girl, when I earnestly pressed her would have proceeded to something more on this head, owned, with a flood of tears, that practical than words. Lady Griskin's face Wilson had actually come to the hot well at was like the full moon in a storm of wind, Bristol, and even introduced himself into our glaring, fiery, and portentous; while Tabby lodgings as a Jew pedlar; but that, nothing looked grim and ghastly, with an aspect had passed betwixt them, further than her breathing discord and dismay. Our appear- begging him to withdraw immediately, if he ance put a stop to their mutual revilings; had any regard for her peace of mind: that but her ladyship, turning to me,-" Cousin," he had disappeared accordingly, after having said she, " I can't help saying T have met attempted to prevail upon my sister's maid to with a very ungrateful return from this lady, deliver a letter, which, however, she refused for the pains I have taken to serve her fami- to receive, though she had consented to carly." " My family is much obliged to your ry a message, importing, that he was a genladyship," cried Tabby, with a kind of hys- tleman of a good family, and that, in a very terical giggle, "hbut we have no right to little time, he would avow his passion in that the good offices of such an honourable go- character. She confessed, that, although he between." " But, for all that, good Mrs Ta- had not kept his word in this particular, he bitha Bramble," resumed the other, "I shall was not yet altogether indifferent to her afbe content with the reflection, that virtue is fection; but solemnly promised she would its own reward; and it shall not be my fault never carry on any correspondence with him, if you continue to make yourself ridiculous. or any other admirer, for the fuiture, without Mr Bramble, who has no little interest of his the privity and approbation of her brother own to serve, will, no doubt, contribute all and me. in his power to promote a match betwixt Mr By this declaration she made her own Barton and his niece, which will be equally peace with Jerry; but the hot-headed boy is honourable and advantageous; and, I dare more than ever incensed against Wilson, say, Miss Liddy herself will have no objec- whom he now considers as an impostor that tion to a measure so well calculated to make harbours some infamous design upon the her happy in life." 6 "I beg your ladyship's honour of his family. As for Barton, he was pardon," exclaimed Liddy, with great viva- not a little mortified to find his present recity; " I have nothing but misery to expect turned, and his addresses so unfavourably refrom such a measure; and I hope my guar- ceived; but he is not a man to be deeply dians will have too much compassion to bar- affected by such disappointments; and I ter my peace of mind for any consideration know not whether he is not as well pleased of interest or fortune." "1 Upon my word, with being discarded by Liddy, as he would EXPEDITION OF ITUMPHRY CLINKER. 375 have been with a permission to prosecute crowd; and though I should not be laid up his pretensions, at the risk of being every with the gout, as I believe I shall, I must day exposed to the revenge or machinations stay at London for some weeks, till the poor of Tabby, who is not to be slighted with im- devil comes to his trial at Rochester; so punity. I had not much time to moralize on that, in ail probability, my northern expedithese occurrences; for the house was visited tion is blown up. by a constable and his gang, with a warrant If you can find any thing in your philosofrom Justice Buzzard, to search the box of phical budget to console me in the midst of Humphry Clinker, my footman, who was these distresses and apprehensions, pray let just apprehended as a highwayman. This it be communicated to your unfortunate incident threw the whole family into con- friend, MATT. BRAMBLE. fusion. My sister scolded the constable for London, June 12. presuming to enter the lodgings of a gentleman on such an errand, without having first asked and obtained permission; her maid To SIR WATKIN PHILLIPS, BART. Or JESUS was frightened into fits, and Liddy shed tears COLLEGE, OXON. of compassion for the unfortunate Clinker, in whose box, however, nothing was found DEAR WAT,-The farce is finished, and to confirm the suspicion of robbery. another piece of a graver cast brought upon For my own part, I made no doubt of the the stage. Our aunt made a desperate atfellow's being mistaken for some other per- tack upon Barton, who had no other way of son, and I went directly to the justice, in or- saving himself but by leaving her in possessder to procure his discharge; but there I ion of the field, avowing his pretensions to found the matter much more serious than I Liddy, by whom he has been rejected in his expected. Poor Clinker stood trembling at turn. Lady Griskin acted as his advocate the bar, surrounded by thief-takers; and, at and agent on this occasion, with such zeal a little distance, a thick squat fellow, a post- as embroiled her with Mrs Tabitha; and a iJion, his accuser, who had seized him in the high scene of altercation passed betwixt street, and swore positively to his person, these two religionists, which might have that the said Clinker had, on the 15th day come to action, had not my uncle interof March last, on Blackheath, robbed a gen- posed. They are, however, reconciled, in lernan, in a post-chaise, which he (the post- consequence of an event which has involved ilion) drove. This deposition was sufficient us all in trouble and disquiet. You must to justify his commitment; and he was sent know, the poor preacher, Humphry Clinker, accordingly to Clerkenwell prison, whither is now exercising his ministry among the Jerry accompanied him in the coach, in or- felons in Clerkenwell prison. A postilion der to recommend him properly to the keep- having sworn a robbery against him, no bail er, that he may want for no convenience could be taken, and he was committed to which the place affords. gaol, notwithstanding all the remonstrances The spectators who assembled to see this and interest my uncle could make in his highwayman, were sagacious enough to dis- behalf. cern something very villainous in his aspect; All things considered, the poor fellow canwhich, begging their pardon, is the very pic- not possibly be guilty, and yet, I believe, he ture of simplicity: and the justice himself runs some risk of being hanged. Upon his put a very unfavourable construction upon examination, he answered with such hesitasome of his answers, which, he said, savour- tion and reserve, as persuaded most of the ed of the ambiguity and equivocation of an people, who crowded the place, that he was old offender. but, in my opinion, it would really a knave; and the justice's remarks have been more just and humane to impute confirmed their opinion. Exclusive of my them to the confusion into which we may uncle and myself, there was only one person suppose a poor country lad to be thrown on who seemed inclined to favour the culprit. such an occasion. I am still persuaded he is He was a young man, well dressed, and innocent; and, in this persuasion, I can do from the manner in which he cross-examined no less than use my utmost endeavours that the evidence, we took it for granted that he he may not be oppressed. I shall, to-morrow, was a student in one of the inns of court. send my nephew to wait on the gentleman He freely checked the justice for some unwho was robbed, and beg he will have the charitable inferences he made to the prejuhumanity to go and see the prisoner; that, dice of the prisoner, and even ventured to in case he should find him quite different dispute with his worship on certain points of from the person of the highwayman, he may law. bear testimony in his behalf. However it My uncle, provoked at the unconnected may fare with Clinker, this cursed affair will and dubious answers of Clinker, who seembe to me productive of intolerable chagrin. ed in danger of falling a sacrifice to his sim-:I have already caught a dreadful cold, by plicity, exclaimed —" In the name of God, if rushing into the open air from the justice's you are innocent, say so." "No," cried parlour, where I had been stewing in the he, " God forbid that I should call myself 376 SMOLLETT'S SELECT WORKS.:innocent, while my conscience is burdened six months, though he knew he had been with sin." "' What, then, you did commit sick of the fever and ague, which, however, this robbery?" resumed his master. "No, did not prevent him from going about. Then, sure," said he, "1blessed be the Lord, I'm turning up his eyes, he ejaculated, —' The tiee of that guilt." Lord's will be done! if it be my fate to sufHere the justice interposed, observing, fer, I hope I shall not disgrace the faith, of that the man seemed inclined to make a dis- which, though unworthy, I make profession.'" covery by turning king's evidence, and de- When I expressed my surprise that the sired the clerk to take his confession; upon accuser should persist in charging Clinker, which Humphry declared, that he looked without taking the least notice of the real upon confession to be a popish fraud, in- robber, who stood before him, and to whomvented by the whore of Babylon. The Tem- indeed, Humphry bore not the least resemrplar affirmed, that the poor fellow was nzon blance, the constable (who was himself a compos, and exhorted the justice to dis- thief-taker) gave me to understand, that Mr charge him as a lunatic. 66 You know very Martin was the best qualified for business well, added he, "' that the robbery in ques- of all the gentlemen on the road he had ever tion was not committed by the prisoner." known; that he had always acted on his The thief-takers grinned at one another; own bottom, without partner or corresponds and hMr Justice Buzzard replied with great ent, and never went to work but when he emotion,-" Mr Martin, I desire you will was cool and sober; that his courage and mind your own business; I shall convince presence of mind never failed him; that his you one of these days that I understand address Nwas genteel, and his behaviour void mine." In short, there was no remedy; the of all cruelty and insolence; that he never enrvittimus was made out, and poor Clinker cumbered himself with watches, or trinkets) sent to prison in a hackney-coach, guarded nor even with bank-notes, but always dealt by the constable, and accompanied by your fbr ready money, and that in the current hiumble servant, By the way, I was not a coin of the kingdom; and that he could disi-ttle surprised to hear this retainer to jus- guise himself and his horse in such a main -ice bid the prisoner to keep up his spirits, ner, that, after the action, it was impossible orj that he did not at all doubt but that he to recognise either the one or the other. wvould get off for a few weeks' confinement. " This great man," said he, " has reigned J'-e said, his worship knew very well that paramount in all the roads within fifty miles Clinker was innocent of the fact, and that of London' above fifteen months, and has the real highwayman who robbed the chaise, done more business in that time than all the wras no other than that very individual Mr rest of the profession put together; for those iw artin, who had pleaded so strenuously for who pass through his hands are so delicately honest Humphry. dealt with, that they have no desire to give Confounded at this information, I asked,- him the least disturbance; but, for all that, W; Why then is he suffered to go about at his his race is almost run. He is now fluttering liberty, and this poor innocent fellow treated about justice, like a moth about a candle. as a malefactor?" " We have exact intel- There are so many lime-twigs laid in his higence of' all Mlr Mlartin's transactions," way, that I'll bet a cool hundred he swings said he; "but as yet there is no evidence before Christmas." sfficient for his conviction; and as for this Shall I own to you, that this portrait, young man, the justice could do no less than drawn by a ruffian, heightened by what I cormmit him, as the postilion swore point myself had observed in his deportment, has blank to his identity." "6 So, if this rascally interested me warmly in the fate of poorz postilion should persist in the falsity to 3Martin, whom nature seems to lave intendwhich he has sworn," said I, "i this innocent ed for a useful and honourable member of lad may be brought to the gallows." that community upon which he now preys The constable observed, that he would for subsistence! It seems he lived some yave time enough to prepare for his trial, time as a clerk to a timber-merchant, whose and might prove an alibi; or, perhaps, Mar- daughter Martin having privately married, tin might be apprehended and convicted for he was discarded, and his wife turned out another fact,. in which case he might be of doors. She did not long survive her rnarprevailed upon to take this affair upon him- riage; and Martin, turning fortune-hunter, self; or, finally, if these chances should fail, could not supply his occasions any other and the evidence stand good against Clinker, way, than by taking to the road, in which he the jury might recommend him to mercy, in has travelled hitherto with uncommon succonsideration of his youth, especially if this cesso He pays his respects regularly to Mr should appear to be the first fact of which Justice Buzzard, the thief-catcher-general he had been guilty. of this metropolis, and sometimes they smoke Humphry owned he could not pretend to a pipe together very lovingly, when the con.. recollect where he had been on the day when versation generally turns upon the nature of the robbery was committed, much less prove evidence. The justice has given him fair a Mcrcumstance of that kind so far back as warning to take care of himself, and he has EXPEDITION OF HUMPLIRY CLINKER. 377 received his caution in good part. Hitherto spirit left within these walls-we shan't have he has baffled all the vigilance, art and ac- a soul to do credit to the place, or to make tivity of Buzzard and his emissaries, with his exit like a true-born Englishman-damn such conduct as would have done honour to my eyes, there will be nothing but snivelling the genius of a Ciesar or a Turenne; but he in the cart-we shall all die like so many has one weakness, which has proved fatal to psalm-singing weavers." all the heroes of the tribe, namely, an indis- In short, we found that Humphry was, at creet devotion to the fair sex, and, in all pro- that very instant, haranguing the felons in bability, he will be attacked on this defence- the chapel; and that the jailor's wife anti less quarter. daughter, together with my aunt's woman, Be that as it may, I saw the body of poor Win Jenkins, and our house-maid, were Clinker consigned to the gaoler of Clerken- among the audience, which we immediately well, to whose indulgence I recommended joined. I never saw any thing so strongly him so effectually, that he received him in picturesque as this congregation of felons the most hospitable manner, though there clanking their chains, in the midst of whom was a necessity for equipping him with a stook orator Clinker, expatiating, in a transsuit of irons, in which he made a very rueful port of fervour, on the torments of hell deappearance. The poor creature seemed as nounced in scripture against evil-doers, commuch affected by my uncle's kindness as by prehending murderers, robbers, thieves, and his own misfortune. When I assured him whoremongers. The variety of attention that nothing should be left undone for pro- exhibited in the faces of those ragamuffins, curing his enlargement, and making his con- formed a groupe, that would not have disfinement easy in the mean time, he fell down graced the pencil of a Raphael. In one, it upon his knees, and kissing my hand, which denoted admiration; in another, doubt; in a he bathed with his tears, —" O squire!" cried third, disdain; in a fourth, contempt; in a he, sobbing, "what shall I say — I can't- fifth, terror; in a sixth, derision; and in a no, I can't speak-my poor heart is bursting seventh, indignation. As for Mrs Winifred with gratitude to you and my dear-dear- Jenkins, she was in tears, overwhelmed with generous —noble benefactor. sorrow; but whether for her own sins, or the I protest, the scene became so pathetic, misfortune of Clinker, I cannot pretend to that I was fain to force myself away, and say. The other females seemed to listen returned to my uncle, who sent me in the with a mixture of wonder and devotion. afternoon with his compliments to one Mr The jailor's wife declared he was a saint in Mead, the person who had been robbed on trouble, saying, she wished from her heart Blackheath. As I did not find him at home, there was such another good soul like him I left a message, in consequence of which in every gaol in England. he called at our lodging this morning, and Mr Mead, having earnestly surveyed the very humanely agreed to visit the prisoner. preacher, declared his appearance was so By this time Lady Griskin had come to make different from that of the person who robbed her formal compliments of condolence to him on Blackheath, that he could freely Mrs Tabitha on this domestic calamity; and make oath he was not the man. But Humthat prudent maiden, whose passion was now phry himself was by this time pretty well rid cooled, thought proper to receive her lady- of all apprehensions of being hanged; for he ship so civilly, that a reconciliation imme- had been the night before solemnly tried and diately ensued. These two ladies resolved acquitted by his fellow-prisoners, some of to comfort the poor prisoner in their own whom he had already converted to methodpersons, and Mr Mead and I squired them ism. He now made proper acknowledgeto Clerkenwell, my uncle being detained at ments for the honour of our visit, and was home by some slight complaints in his sto- permitted to kiss the hands of the ladies, mach and bowels. who assured him, he might depend upon their The turnkey, who received us at Clerken- friendship and protection. Lady Griskin, well, looked remarkably sullen; and when in her great zeal, exhorted his fellow-prisonwe inquired for Clinker,-" I don't care if ers to profit by the precious opportunity of the devil had him, said he; here has been having such a saint in bonds among them, nothing but canting and praying since the and turn over a new leaf for the benefit of fellow entered the place. Rabbit him! the their poor souls; and, that her admonition tap will be ruined-we han't sold a cask of might have the greater effect, she reinforced beer, nor a dozen of wine, since he paid his it with her bounty. garnish-the gentlemen get drunk with no- While she and Mrs Tabby returned in the thing but your damn'd religion. For my coach with the two maid-servants, I waited part, I believe as how your man deals with on Mvir Mead to the house of Justice Buzzard, the devil. Two or three as bold hearts as who, having heard his declaration, said, his ever took the air upon Hounslow, have been oath could be of no use at present, but that blubbering all night; and if the fellow an't he would be a material evidence for the prispeedily removed by habeas corpus, or other- soner at his trial; so that there seems to be wise, I'll be damn'd if there's a grain of true no remedy but patience for poor Clinker; 5 Q* 37'8 SMOLLETT'S SELECT WORKS. and indeed the same virtue, or medicine, I took the advice of counsel with respect to will be necessary for us all, the squire in the case of Clinker, in whose favour a lucky particular, who had set his heart upon his accident has intervened. The fellow who excursion to the northward. accused him has had his own battery turned While we were visiting honest Humphry upon himself. Two days ago he was apprein. Clerkenwell prison, my uncle received a hended for a robbery on the highway, and mnuch more extraordinary visit at his own committed on the evidence of an accomplice. lodgings. Mr Martin, of whom I have made Clinker having moved for a writ of habeas such honourable mention, desired permission corpus. was brought before the lord-chief to pay him his respects, and was admitted justice, who, in consequence of an affidavit accordinglyo He told him, that having ob- of the gentleman who had been robbed, irnserved him, at Mr Buzzard's, a good deal porting that the said Clinker was not the disturbed by what had happened to his ser- person who stopped him on the highway, as vant, he had come to assure him he had no- well as in consideration of the postilion's chatFhing to apprehend for Clinker's life; for, if racter and present circumstances, was pleasi; was possible that any jury could find him ed to order that my servant should be admitguilty, upon such evidence, he, Martin him- ted to bail; and he has been discharged acself, would produce in court a person whose cordingly, to the unspeakable satisfaction of deposition would bring him off as clear as our whole family, to which he has recomthe sun at noon. Sure the fellow would not mended himself in an extraordinary manner, be so romantic as to take the robbery upon not only by his obliging deportment, but by himself! He said the postilion was an in- his talents of preaching, praying, and singingfamous fellow, who had been a dabbler in psalms, which he has exercised with such hie same profession, and saved his life at the effect, that even Tabby respects him as a Old Bailey by impeaching his companions; chosen vessel. If there was any thing like that, being now reduced to great poverty, he affectation or hypocrisy in this excess of relitad made this desperate push, to swear away gion, I would not keep him in my service; but tlhe life of an innocent man, in hopes of so far as I can observe, the fellow's character eaaving the reward upon his conviction; but is downright simplicity, warmed with a kind T'hat he would find himself miserably disap- of enthusiasm, which renders him very sus. pointed, for the justice and his myrmidons ceptible of gratitude and attachment to his were determined to admit of no interloper in benefactors. nhis branch of business; and that he did not As he is an excellent horseman, and unrt all doubt but that they would find matter derstands farriery, I have bought a stout enough' to stop the evidence himself before gelding for his use, that he may attend us on 1t.e next gaol delivery. He affirmed, that the road, and have an eye to our cattle, in all these circumstances were well known to case the coachman should not mind his busi' the justice; and that his severity to Clinker ness. M)y nephew, who is to ride his own was no other than a hint to his master to saddle-horse, has taken (upon trial) a sermake him a present in private, as an ac- vant just come from abroad with his former knowledgement of his candour and humanity. master, Sir William Strollop, who vouches This hint, however, was so unpalatable to for his honesty. The fellow, whose name is Krv- Bramble, that he declared with great Dutton, seems to be a petit maitre. He has ~warmth, he would rather confine himself for got a smattering of French, bows and grills life to London, which he detested, than be at and shrugs, and takes snuff a la mode de liberty to leave it to-morrow, in consequence France; but values himself chiefly upon his of encouraging corruption in a magistrate. skill and dexterity in hair-dressing. If I am IHearing, however, how favourable Mr Mead's not much deceived by appearance, he is, in report had been for the prisoner, he resolved all respects, the very contrast of Hunmphry to take the advise of counsel, in what man- Clinkern eor to proceed for his immediate enlarge- My sister has made up matters with Lady uent. I make no doubt but in a day or two Griskin; though, I must own, I should not this troublesome business may be discussed; have been sorry to see that connection enand in this hope we are preparing for our tirely destroyed: but Tabby is not of a disjourney. If our endeavours do not miscar- position to forgive Barton, who (I under-,y, we shall have taken the field before you stand) is gone to his seat in Berkshire for near again from yours, J. MELFORD. the summer-season. I cannot help suspectLondon, June 11. ing, that, in the treaty of peace which has been lately ratified betwixt those two females, it is stipulated, that her ladyship shall use To DRg LEwis. her best endeavours to provide an agreeable help-mate for our sister Tabitha, who seems Thank heaven! dear Lewis, the clouds to be quite desperate in her matrimonial deare dispersed; and I have now the clearest signs. Perhaps the match-maker is to have prospect of my summer campaign, which, I a valuable consideration in the way of brohope, I shall be able to begin to-morrow. kerage, which she will most certainly deserve, EXPEDITION OF HUMPHRY CLINKERe 379 if she can find any man in his senses who mought have happened to this pyehouse will yoke with Mrs Bramble from motives of young man, if master had not applied to affection or interest. Apias Korkus, who lives with the ould baiI find my spirits and my health affect each liff, and is, they say, five hundred years ould other reciprocally-that is to say, every (God bless us!) and a congeror; but if he thing that discomposes my mind, produces be, sure I am he don't deal with the devil, a correspondent disorder in my body; and my otherwise he wouldn't have fought out Mr bodily complaints are remarkably mitigated Clinker, as he did, in spite of stone walls, by those considerations that dissipate the iron bolts, and double locks, that flew open clouds of mental chagrin. The imprison- at his command: for ould Scratch has not a, ment of Clinker brought on those symptoms greater enemy upon hearth thain Mr Clinker, which I mentioned in my last, and now they who is indeed a very powerful labourer in are vanished at his discharge. It must be the Lord's vineyard. I do no more than use owned, indeed, I took some of the tincture the words of my good lady, who has got the of ginseng, prepared according to your pre- infectual calling; and I trust, that even myscription, and found it exceedingly grateful self, though unworthy, shall find grease to be to the stomach; but the pain and sickness accepted. Miss Liddy has been touched to continued to return, after short intervals, till the quick, but is a little timoursome; howthe anxiety of my mind was entirely remov- somever, I make no doubt but she and all of ed, and then I found myself perfectly at us will be brought, by the endeavours of Mr ease. We have had fair weather these ten Clinker, to produce blessed fruit of generadays, to the astonishment of the Londoners, tion and repentance. As for master andthe who think it portentous. If you enjoy the younfg squire, they have as yet had narro same indulgence in Wales, I hope Barnes has glimpse of the new light. I doubt as how got my hay made, and safe-cocked, by this their hearts are hardened by worldly wisdom, time. As we shall be in motion for some which, as the pyebill saith, is foolishness in weeks, I cannot expect to hear from you as the sight of God. usual; but I shall continue to write from O Mary Jones! pray without ceasing for every place at which we make any halt, that grease to prepare you for the operations of you may know our track, in case it should this wonderful instrument, which I hope will be necessary to communicate any thing to be exercised this winter upon you and others your assured friend, at Brambleton-hall. To-morrow we are to MATT. BRAMBLE. set out in a cox and four for Yorkshire; and London, June 14. (I believe) we shall travel that way far, and far, and farther than I can tell; but I shan't go so far as to forget my friends; and Mary To MRS MARY JONES, AT BRAMBLETON- Jones will always be remembered as one of HALL. them by her humble sarvant, WIN. JENKINS. DEAR MARY,-Having the occasion of London, June 14. my cousin Jenkins of Aberga'ny, I send you (as a token) a turkey-shell comb, a kip]e of yards of green ribbon, and a sarment upon To MRS GWVYLLIM, HO USEKEEPER AT the nothingness of good works, which was BRAMBLETON-HALL. preached in the tabernacle; and you will also receive a horn-buck for Saul, whereby she Mas GWYLLIM,-I can't help thinking it may learn her letters; for I am much con- very strange, that I never had an answer to sarned about the state of her poor sole — the letter I wrote you some weeks ago from and what are all the pursuits of this life to Bath, concerning the sour bear, the gander, the consarns of that immortal part? —what and the maids eating butter, which I won't is life but a veil of affliction — O Mary! the allow to be wasted. We are now going upon whole family have been in such a constipa- a long gurney to the north, whereby I desire tion! Mr Clinker has been in trouble, but you will redouble your care and circumflexion, the gates of hell have not been able to pre- that the family may be well managed in our vail against him. His virtue is like pour absence: for you know you must render an gold, seven times tried in the fire. He was accunt, not only to your earthly master, but tuck up for a robbery, and had before Gus- also to him that is above; and if you are tass Bushard, who made his mittamouse; found a good and faithful sarvant, great will and the pore youth was sent to prison upon be your reward in haven. I hope there will the fals oaf of a willian, that wanted to be twenty stun of cheese ready for market by sware his life away for the looker of cain. the time I get huom, and as much owl spun as The squire did all in his power, but could will make half a dozen pair of blankets; and not prevent his being put in chains, and con- that the savings of the buttermilk will fetch fined among common manufactors, where he me a good penny before Martinmas, as the stud like an innocent sheep in the midst of two pigs are to be fed for baking with birchwolves and tygers. Lord knows what mast and acorns. 380 SMOLLETT'S SELECT WORKS. I wrote to Dr Lewis for the same porpuss, mounted on a black gelding bought for his but he never had the good manners to take use; myself a-horseback, attended by my the least notice of my letter; for which rea- new valet, Mr Dutton, an exceeding coxson I shall never favour him with another, comb, fresh from his travels, whom I have though he beshits me on his bended knees. taken upon trial. The fellow wears a soliYou will do well to keep a watchful eye over taire, uses paint, and takes rappee with all the hind Villiams, who is one of his amisso- the grimace of a French marquis. At preries, and, I believe, no better than he should sent, however, he is in a riding dress, jack be at bottom. God forbid that I should lack boots, leather breeches, a scarlet waistcoat, christian charity; but charity begins at huom, with gold binding, a laced hat, a hanger, a and sure nothing can be a more charitable work French posting-whip in his hand, and his than to rid the family of such vermin. I do hair en queue. suppose, that the brindled cow has been had Before we had gone nine miles, my horse to the parson's bull, that old Moll has had lost one of his shoes; so that I was obliged another litter of pigs, and that Dick has be- to stop at Barnet, to have another, while the come a mighty mouser. Pray order every coach proceeded at an easy pace over the thing for the best, and be frugal, and keep common. About a mile short of Hatfield, the maids to their labour. If I had a private the postilions, stopping the carriage, gave opportunity, I would send them some hymns notice to Clinker that there were two suspito sing instead of profane ballads; but, as cious fellows a-horseback at the end of a I can't, they and you must be contented lane, who seemed waiting to attack the with the prayers of your assured friend, coach. Humphry forthwith apprised my T. BRAMBLE. uncle, declaring he would stand by him to London, June 14. the last drop of his blood; and, unslinging his carbine, prepared for action. The squire had pistols in the.pockets of the coach, and To SIR WATKIN PHILLIPS, BART. OF JEsvs resolved to make use of them directly; but COLLEGE, OXON. he was effectually prevented by his female companions, who flung themselves about his DEAR PHILLIPS,-The very day after I neck, and screamed in concert. At that wrote my last, Clinker was set at liberty. instant, who should come up, at a handAs Martin had foretold, the accuser was gallop, but Martin, the highwayman, who, himself committed for a robbery, upon un- advancing to the coach, begged the ladies questionable evidence. He had been for would compose themselves for a moment; some time in the snares of the thief-taking then, desiring Clinker to follow him to the society; who, resenting his presumption in charge, he pulled a pistol out of his bosom, attempting to encroach upon their monopoly and they rode up together to give battle to of impeachment, had him taken up and the rogues, who having fired at a great discommitted to Newgate, on the deposition of tance, fled across the common. They were an accomplice, who has been admitted as in pursuit of the fugitives when f came up, evidence for the king. The postilion being not a little alarmed at the shrieks in the upon record as an old offender, the chief- coach, where I found my uncle ill a violent justice made no scruple of admitting Clinker rage, without his periwig, struggling to disto bail, when he perused the affidavit of Mr entangle himself from Tabby and the other Mead, importing, that the said Clinker was two, and swearing with great vociferation. not the person that robbed him on Black- Before I had time to interpose, Martin and heath; and honest Humphry was discharged. Clinker returned from the pursuit, and the When he came home, he expressed great former paid his compliments with great poeagerness to pay his respects to his master; liteness, giving us to understand, that the and here his elocution failed him, but his fellows had scampered off, and that he besilence was pathetic; he fell down at his lieved they were a couple of raw'prentices feet, and embraced his knees, shedding a from London. He commended Clinker for flood of tears, which my uncle did not see his courage, and said, if we would give him without emotion. He took snuff in some leave, he would have the honour to accomconfusion; and, putting his hand in his pany us as far as Stevenage, where he had pocket, gave his blessing in something more some business. substantial than words. —" Clinker," said he, The squire having recollected and adjusted " I am so well convinced, both of your hon- himself, was the first to laugh at his own esty and courage, that I am resolved to make situation; but it was not without difficulty you my life-guard-man on the highway. that Tabby's arms could be untwisted from He was accordingly provided with a case his neck; Liddy's teeth chattered, and Jenof pistols, and a carbine to be slung across kins was threatened with a fit as usual. I his shoulders; and every other preparation had communicated to my uncle the character being made, we set out last Thursday, at of Martin, as it was described by the constaseven in the morning; my uncle, with the ble, and he was much struck with its singuthree women, in the coach; Humphry, well larity. He could not suppose the fellow had EXPEDITION OF HUMPHRY CLINKER. 381 any design upon our company, which was so humble, that will afford me bread in moderanumerous and well armed; he therefore tion, and sleep in safety. Perhaps you may thanked him for the service he had just done think I flatter, when I say, that fiom the them, said he would be glad of his company, moment I was witness to your generous conand asked him to dine with us at Hatfield. cern in the cause of your servant, I conceived This invitation might not have been agreea- a particular esteem and veneration for your ble to the ladies, had they known the real person; and yet what I say is true. I profession of our guest; but this was a se- should think myself happy, if I could be adcret to all except my uncle and myself. Mrs mitted into your protection and service as Tabitha, however, would by no means con- house-steward, clerk, butler, or bailiff, for sent to proceed with a case of loaded pistols either of which places I think myself tolerain the coach, and they were forthwith dis- bly well qualified; and, sure I am, I should charged, in complaisance to her and the rest not be found deficient in gratitude and fidelof the women. ity; at the same time, I am very sensible Being gratified in this particular, she be- how much you must deviate from the comcame remarkably good-humoured, and at mon maxims of discretion, even in putting dinner behaved in the most affable manner my professions to the trial; but I don't look to Mr Martin, with whose polite address, upon you as a person that thinks in the orand agreeable conversation, she seemed to dinary style; and the delicacy of my situabe much taken. After dinner, the landlord tion will, I know, justify this address to a accosting me in the yard, asked, with a sig- heart warmed with beneficence and compasnificant look, if the gentleman that rode the sion. Understanding you are going pretty sorrel belonged to our company. I under- far north, I shall take an opportunity to throw stood his meaning, but answered no; that myself in your way again before you reach he had come up with us on the common, and the borders of Scotland; and, I hope, by helped us to drive away two fellows that that time you shall have taken into considecoleaked like highwaymen. He nodded three Iation the truly distressfiul case of, honoured t;imes distinctly, as much as to say he knows sir, your very humble and devoted servant, his cue. Then he inquired, if one of those "EDWARID MARTIN." men was mounted on a bay mare, and the The squire, having perused this letter, put ot-her on a chestnut gelding, with a white it into my hand, without saying a syllable; streak down his forehead; and being an- and, when I had read it, we looked at etach swered in the affirmative, he assured me other in silence. From a certain sparkling hiley had robbed three post-chaises this very in his eyes, I discovered there was more in mcrning. I inquired, in my turn, if Mr Mar- his heart than he cared to express with his tin was of his acquaintance; and, nodding tongue, in favour of poor Martin; and this thrice again, he answered, that he had seen was precisely my own feeling, which he did the gentleman. not fail to discern by the same means of Before we left Hatfield, my uncle, fixing communication. "' What shall we do," said his eyes on Martin, with such expression as he, "to save this poor sinner from tile galis more easily conceived than described, lows, and make him a useful mnember of the asked, if he often travelled that road: and commonwealth l and yet the p roverb says,he replied, with a look which denoted his' Save a thief from the gallows, and he'll cut understanding the question, that he very your throat.' " I told him I really believed seldom did business in that part of the coun- Martin was capable of giving the proverb the try. In a word, this adventurer favoured us lie; and that I should heartily concur in any with his company to the neighbourhood of step he might take in favour of his solicit' Stevenage, where he took his leave of the ation. We mutually resolved to deliberate coach and me in very polite terms, and turned upon the subject, and in the mean time prooff upon a cross-road, that led to a village on ceeded on our journey. The roads having the left, At supper, Mrs Tabby was very been broken up by the heavy rains in the full in the praise of Mr Martin's good sense spring, were so rough, that although we tram and good breeding, and seemed to regret velled very slowly, the jolting occasioned that she had not a farther opportunity to such pain to mry uncle, that he was become make some experiment upon his affection. exceedingly peevish when we arrived at this In the morning', my uncle was not a little place, which lies about eioht miles fromn the surprised to receive, from the waiter, a billet post-road, between Wetherby and Boroughcouched in these words, bridge. "' SIn, —I could easily perceive from your Harrowgate water, so celebrated for its looks, when I had the honour to converse efficacy in the scurvy and other distempers, with you at Hatfield, that my character is is supplied from a copious spring, in the holnot unknown to you; and I dare say, you low of a wild common, round which a good won't think it strange, that I should be glad many houses have been built for the conveto change my present way of life for any nience of the drinkers, though few of them other honest occupation, let it be ever so are inhabited. Most of the company lodge 382 SMOLLETT'S SELECT WORKS. at some distance, in five separate inns, situ- relations, who are settled in this country. ated in different parts of the common, from Pray remember me to all my friends of Jewhence they go every morning to the well, sus, and allow me to be still yours affectionin their own carriages. The lodgers of each ately, J. MELFORD. inn form a distinct society that eat together; Harrowgate, June 23. and there is a commodious public room, where they breakfast in dishabille, at separate tables, from eight o'clock till eleven, as To DR LEWIS. they chance or choose to come in. Here also they drink tea in the afternoon, and play DEAR DocToR,-Considering the tax we at cards or dance in the evening. One cus- pay for turnpikes, the roads of this country tom, however, prevails, which I look upon as constitute a most intolerable grievance. Bea solecism in politeness. The ladies treat tween Newark and Wetherby, I have sufferwith tea in their turns, and even girls of six- ed more from jolting and swinging, than ever teen are not exempted from this shameful I felt in the whole course of my life, although imposition. There is a public ball by sub- the carriage is remarkably commodious and scription every night at one of the houses, to well hung, and the postilions were very carewhich all the company from the others are ful in driving. I am now safely housed at admitted by tickets; and, indeed, Harrow- the new inn at Harrowgate, whither I came gate treads upon the heels of Bath, in the to satisfy my curiosity, rather than with any articles of gaiety and dissipation —with this view of advantage to my health; and trulyr difference, however, that here we are more after having considered all the parts and parsociable and familiar. One of the inns is ticulars of the place, I cannot account for already full up to the very garrets, having no the concourse of people one finds here, upon less than fifty lodgers, and as many servants. any other principle but that of caprice, whiclOur family does not exceed thirty-six; and seems to be the character of our nation. I should be sorry to see the number aug- Harrowgate is a wild common, bare and mented, as our accommodations won't admit bleak, without tree or shrub, or the least of much increase. signs of cultivation; and the people, who At present, the company is more agree- come to drink the water, are crowded toable than one could expect from an accidental gether in paltry inns, where the few toleraassemblage of persons, who are utter strang- ble rooms are monopolized by the friends and ers to one another. There seems to be a favourites of the house, and all the rest of general disposition among us to maintain the lodgers are obliged to put up with dirty good fellowship, and promote the purposes holes, where there is neither space, air, nor of humanity, in favour of those who come convenience. My apartment is about teal thither on the score of health. I see several feet square; and when the folding-bed is faces which we left at Bath, although the ma- down, there is just room sufficient to pass jority are of the northern counties, and many between it and the fire. One might expect, come from Scotland for the benefit of these indeed, that there would be no occasion for waters. In s ch a variety there must be a fire at midsummer; but here the climate is some originals, among whom Mrs Tabitha so backward, that an ash-tree, which our Bramble is not the most inconsiderable. No landlord has planted before my window, is place, where there is such an intercourse be- just beginning to put forth its leaves; and I tween the sexes, can be disagreeable to a am fain to have my bed warmed every night. rady of her views and temperament. She has As for the water, which is said to have effecthad some warm disputes at table with a lame ed so many surprising cures, I have drank it parson from Northumberland, on the new once, and the first draught has cured me of all birth, and the insignificance of moral virtue; desire to repeat the medicine. Some people and her arguments have been reinforced by say it smells of rotten eggs, and others coman old Scotch lawyer, in a tie-periwig, who, pare it to the scourings of a foul gun. It is though he has lost his teeth, and the use of generally supposed to be strongly impreghis limbs, can still wag his tongue with great nated with sulphur; and Dr Shaw, in his volubility. He has paid her such fulsome book upon mineral waters, says, he has seen compliments, upon her piety and learning, flakes of sulphur floating in the well. Pace as seem to have won her heart; and she, in tanti viri —, for my part, have never observher turn, treats him with such attention, as ed any thing like sulphur, either in or about indicates a design upon his person; but, by the well; neither do I find that any brimall accounts, he is too much a fox to be in- stone has ever been extracted from the water. veigled into any snare that she can lay for As for the smell, if I may be allowed to judge his affection. from my own organs, it is exactly that of We do not propose to stay long at Har- bilge-water; and the saline taste of it seems to rowgate, though at present it is our head- declare that it is nothing else than salt water quarters, from whence we shall make some putrefied in the bowels of the earth. I was excursions to visit two or three of our rich obliged to hold my nose with one hand, EXPEDITION OF HUMPHRY CLINKER. 883 while I advanced the glass to my mouth with in a tone and terms that are extremely curithe other; and after I had made shift to ous and significant. In the mean time, his swallow it, my stomach could hardly retain broad brawn is scratched by one of his what it had received. The only effects it grooms. This fellow, it seems, having no produced were sickness, griping, and insur- inclination to curry any beast out of the mountable disgust. I can hardly mention it stable, was at great pains to scollop his nails without puking. The world is strangely in such a manner, that the blood followed at misled by the affectation of singularity. I every stroke. He was in hopes that he cannot help suspecting that this water owes would be dismissed from this disagreeable its reputation in a great measure to its being office, but the event turned out contrary to so strikingly offensive, On the same kind his expectation. His master declared he was of analogy, a German doctor has introduced the best scratcher in the family; and now he hemlock and other poisons, as specifics in will not suffer any other servant to draw a the materia medica. I am persuaded, that nail upon his carcase. all the cures ascribed to the Harrowgate The squire's lady is very proud, without water, would have been as efficaciously, and being stiff or inaccessible. She receives even infinitely more agreeably performed by the her inferiors in point of fortune with a kind of internal and external use of sea-water. Sure arrogant civility; but then she thinks she has I am, this last is much less nauseous to the a right to treat them withthe mostungracious taste and smell, and much more gentle in its freedoms of speech, and neverfails to let them operations as a purge, as well as more ex- know she is sensible of her own superior tensive in its medical qualities. affluence. In a word, she speaks well of no Two days ago, we went across the country living soul, and has not one single friend in to visit Squire Burdock, who married a first the world. Her husband hates her mortally; cousin of my father, an heiress, who brought but although the brute is sometimes so very him an estate of a thousand a year. This gen- powerful in him, that he will have his own tleman is a declared opponent of the minis- way, he generally truckles to her dominion, try in parliament; and, having an opulent for- and dreads, like a school-boy, the lash of her tune, piques himself upon living in the qoun- tongue. On the other hand, she is afraid of try, and maintaining old English hospitality. provoking him too far, lest he should make By the by, this is a phrase very much used some desperate effort to throw off her yoke; by the English themselves, both in words she therefore acquiesces in the proofs he and writing; but I never heard of it out of daily gives of his attachment to the liberty the island, except by way of irony and sar- of an English freeholder, by saying and casm. What the hospitality of our fore- doing, at his own table, whatever gratifies fathers has been, I should be glad to see re- the brutality of his disposition, or contributes corded rather in the memoirs of strangers to the ease of his person. The house, though who have visited our country, and were the large, is neither elegant nor comfortable. It proper objects and judges of such hospitality, looks like a great inn, crowded with travelthan in the discourse and lucubrations of the lers, who dine at the landlord's ordinary, modern English, who seem to describe it where there is a great profusion of victuals from theory and conjecture. Certain it is, and drink; but mine host seems to be miswe are generally looked upon by foreigners placed,-and I would rather dine upon filas a people totally destitute of this virtue; berts with a hermit, than feed upon venison and I never was in any country abroad where with a hog. The footmen might be aptly I did not meet with persons of distinction, compared to the waiters of a tavern, if they who complained of having been inhospitably were more serviceable, and less rapacious; used in Great Britain. A gentleman of but they are generally insolent and inattenFrance, Italy, or Germany, who has enter- tive, and so greedy, that I think I can dine tained and lodged an Englishman at his better, and for less expense, at the Star and house, when he afterwards meets with his Garter in Pall-mall, than at our cousin's casguest at London, is asked to dinner at the tle in Yorkshire. The squire is not only acSaracen's head, the Turk's head, the Boar's commodated with a wife, but he is also head, or the Bear, eats raw beef and butter, blessed with an only son, about two-anddrinks execrable port, and is allowed to pay twenty, just returned from Italy, a complete his share of the reckoning. fiddler and dilettante; and he slips no opBut, to return from this digression, which portunity of manifesting the most perfect my feeling for the honour of my country contempt for his own father. obliged me to make. Our Yorkshire cousin When we arrived, there was a family of has been a mighty fox-hunter before the foreigners at the house, on a visit to this,virLord; but now he is too fat and unwieldy tuoso, with whom they had been acquainted to leap ditches and five-bar gates; never- at the Spa: it was the Count de Melvil, theless, he still keeps a pack of hounds, with his lady, on their way to Scotland. Mr which are well exercised, and his huntsman Burdock had met with an accident, in conevery night entertains him with the adven- sequence of which both the count and I tures of the day's chase, which he recites would have retired; but the young gentle 384 SMOLLETT'S SELECT WORKS. man and his mother insisted upon our stay- again; but nobody would venture to execute ing dinner,-and their serenity seemed to be his orders, or even to interpose; when the so little ruffled by what had happened, that squire turned him and his assistants out of we complied with their invitation. The doors, and threw his apparatus out at the squire had been brought home over night in window.'Having thus asserted his prerogahis post-chaise, so terribly belaboured about tive, and put on his clothes with the help of the pate, that he seemed to be in a state of a valet, the count, with my nephew and me, stupefaction, and had ever since remained were introduced by his son, and received speechless. A country apothecary, called with his usual style of rustic civility. Then, Grieve, who lived in a neighbouring village, turning to Signior Mackaroni, with a sarcashaving been called to his assistance, had let tic grin,-" I tell thee what, Dick, said he, him blood, and applied a poultice to his head, " a man's skull is not to be bored every time declaring that he had no fever, nor any other his head is broken; and I'll convince thee bad symptom, but the loss of speech, if he and thy mother, that I know as many tricks.really had lost that faculty. But the young as e'er an old fox in the ~West Ridingl." squire said this practitioner was an igno- We afterwards understood he had quarrelorantaccio; that there was a fracture in the led at a public house with an exciseman, cranium, and that there was a necessity for whom he challenged to a bout at single stick, having him trepanned without loss of time. at which he had been worsted; and that the 1H-is mother espousing this opinion, had sent shame of this defeat had tied up his tongue. an express to York for a surgeon to perform As for madam, she had shown no concern the operation; and he was already come, for his disaster, and now heard of his re-, vith his'prentice andinstrumentso Having covery without emotion. She had taken examined the patient's head, he began to some little notice of my sister and niece, prepare his dressings; though Grieve still though rather with a view to indulge her retained his first opinion, that there was no own petulance, than out of any sentiment of fracture, and was the more confirmed in it, as regard to our family. She said Liddy was the squire had passed the night in profound a fright, and ordered her woman to adjust sleep, uninterrupted by any catching or con- her head before dinner; but she would not vulsion. The York surgeon said he could meddle with Tabby, whose spirit, she soon not tell whether there was a fracture, until perceived, was not to be irritated with imhe should take off the scalp; but, at any punity. At table, she acknowledged me so rate, the operation might be of service, in far as to say she had heard of my father; giving vent to any blood that might be extra- though she hinted, that he had disobliged her vasated, either above or below the dura family, by making a poor match in tWales. mater. The lady and her son were clear for She was disagreeably familiar in her inquitrying the experiment; and Grieve was dis- ries about our circumstances; and asked, if missed with some marks of contempt, which, I intended to bring up my nephew to the perhaps, he owed to the plainness of his ap- law. I told her, that, as he had an index pearance. He seemed to be about the mid- pendent fortune, he should follow no professdle age, and wore his own black hair without ion but that of a country gentleman; a-nd any sort of dressing; by his garb, one would that I was not without hopes of procuring have taken him for a quaker, but he had for him a seat in parliament. "' Pray, counone of the stiffness of that sect; on the sin," said she, "' what may his fortune be'" contrary, he has very submissive, respectful, When I answered, that, with what I should and remarkably taciturn. be able to give him, he would have better than Leaving the ladies in an apartment by two thousand a-year, she replied, with a dis.. themselves, we adjourned to the patient's dainful toss of her head, that it would be chamber, where the dressings and instru- impossible for him to preserve his independ. ments were displayed in order upon a pewter ence on such a paltry provision. dish. The operator, laying aside his coat Not a little nettled at this arrogant reand periwig, equipped himself with a night- mark, I told her, I had the honour to sit in cap, apron and sleeves, while his'prentice parliament with her father, when he had litand footman, seizing the squire's head, be- tie more than half that income; and I be-. ran to place it in a proper posture. But lieved there was not a more independent and mark what followed. The patient, bolting incorruptible member in the house.'" Ay, upright in the bed, collared each of these but times are changed," cried the squire. assistants, with the grasp of Hercules, ex- "Country gentlemen now-a-days live after claiming, in a bellowing tone,-" I ha'n't another fashion. My table alone stands me lived so long in Yorkshire to be trepanned in a cool thousand a quarter, though I raise by such vermin as you;" and, leaping on my own stock, import my own liquors, and the floor, put on his breeches quietly, to the have every thing at the first hand. True it astonishment of us all. The surgeon still is, I keep open house, and receive all comers, insisted upon the operation, alleging it was for the honour of Old England." "If that now plain that the brain was injured, and be the case," said I, "'tis a wonder you can desiring the servants to put him into bed maintain it at so small an expense; but every EXPEDITION OF HUMPHRHY CLINKER. 385 private gentleman is not expected to keep a suddenly appeared, with their pistols adcaravansera for the accommodation of tra- vanced; one kept the coachman in awe, and vellers. Indeed, if every individual lived in the other demanded the count's money, while the same style, you would not have such a the young squire went off at full speed, withnumber of guests at your table; of conse- out ever casting a look behind. The countr quence your hospitality would not shine so desiring the thief to withdraw his pistol, as bright for the glory of tile WVest Riding." the lady was in great terror, delivered 1his The young squire, tickled by this ironical purse without making the least resistance; observation, exclaimed, —" 0 che burla!" but not satisfied with this booty, which wav His mother eyed me in silence with a super- pretty considerable, the rascal insisted upon cilious air; and the father of the feast, taking rifling her of her ear-rings and necklace, and a bumper of October,-" My service to you, the countess screamed with affright. Her cousin Bramble," said he; "I have always husband, exasperated at the violence with heard there was something keen and biting which she was threatened, wrested the pistol in the air of the Welsh mountains."' out of the fellow's hand, and, turning it upon I was much pleased with the count -de him, snapped it in his face; but the robber, Melvil, who is sensible, easy, and polite; knowing there was no charge in it, dresw and the countess is the most amiable woman another from his bosom, and in all probabilI ever beheld. In the afternoon they took ity would have killed him on the spot, had leave of their entertainers; and the young not his life been saved by a worlderful intergentleman, mounting his horse, undertook position. Grieve, the apothecary, chancin;' to conduct their coach through the park,' to pass that very instant, ran up to the coach, while one of their servants rode round to and, with a crabstick, which was all tihe give notice to the rest, whom they had left: weapon he had, brou'ht the fellow to the at a public house on the road. The momnent ground with the first blow; vthen seizing hi:i their backs were turned, the censorious de- pistol, presented it to his colleague, who Rnon took possession of our Yorkshire land-: fired his piece at random, and fled without latdy and our sister Tabitha.: The fornier farther opposition. The other was secured observed, that the countess was a good sort by the assistance of the count and the coachof a body, but totally ignorant of good breed- man; and hids legs being tied under the belly ing,:consequently awkward in her address.' of his own horse, Grieve conducted him to The squire said, he did not pretend to thle the village, whither also the carriage probreeding of any thing but colts; but that the ceeded. It was with great difficuliy the jade would be'very handsome, if she WVas a countess could be kept from swooning; but little more in flesh.: "Handsome!" cried at last she was happily conveyed to the Tabby:; " she has indeed a pair of black' eyes house of the apothecary, who went into the without any meaning; but then: there is not shop to prepare some drops for her, while a good feature in her face.t" "I' know noto Isi wife and daughter administered to her in what you call good, features in: Wales," another apartment. I found the count starldreplied our'landlord; "but they'll pass -in' ing in: the kitchen with the parson of the Yorkshire." Then turning to Liddy, he parish, and expressing much impatience to added, —" VWhat: say you, my.pretty red-' see his protectdi, whom as yet he had scarce streak? —what is your opinion of the coun- found time to thank for the essential service tess'"-. I ithink," cried Liddy, with great he'had done him and the countess. Thel emotion, "she's an angel."'Tabby'chid her daughter passingr at the same time with a for talking with such freedom'in company:;' glass of water, Mlonsieur de Melvil could not and the lady of the house said, in a con- help takinlg notice of her figure, which was temptuous tone, she supposed Miss had been strikingly enogmino. "Ay," said the parson, brought up at some country boarding-school., she's the prettiest girl, and the best girl, iln Our conversation was suddenly interrupted all my parish; and if I could give my son ani by the young gentleman, who galloped into estate of ten thousand a-year, he should have the yard all aghast, exclaiminol that the coach my consent to lay it at her feet. If Mr Grieve was attacked by a great number of highway- had been as solicitous about getting money, men. Mly: nephew and I rushing out, found as he has been in performing all, the duties his own and his servant's horse ready sad- of a primitive Christian, Fy would not have; died in the stable, with pistols in the caps. hung so long upon his hands."' "' What is We'mounted instantly, ordering Clinker and her name'l" said 1. " Sixteen years ago," Dutton to follow with all possible expedition; answered the vicar, "' I christened her by the but.notwithstanding all the speed we could name of: Se'rafiia Melvilia."'"'Ha! i what! inake, the action was over before we arrived, how!" cried the count eagerly, "sure yonr anid the count and his lady safe lodged at said Serafinta Melvilia!"." I did," said he, the'house of Grieve, who had signalized "6Mr Grieve told me those were the names himself in a very remarkable manner on this:of two noble persons abroad, to whom he occasion. At the turning of a lane that led had been obliged for more than life:" to" the village where the count's servants ":The count, without speaking another remained,; a couple of bt'trS':a-horseback syllabei,'rish ed intot:e "palour', crying,5 Th* 386 SMOLLETT'S SELECT WORKS. "This is your god-daughter, my dear." Having paid our compliments to these noMrs Grieve, then, seizing the countess by ble persons, we returned to the squire's, the hand, exclaimed, with great agitation,- where we expected an invitation to pass the " O madam!-O sir! I am-I am your poor night, which was wet and raw; but, it seems Elinor. This is my Serafina Melvilia. O Squire Burdock's hospitality reached not so child! these are the count and countess of far for the honour of Yorkshire: we thereMelvil-the generous-the glorious benefac- fore departed in the evening, and lay at an tors of thy once unhappy parents." inn, where I caught cold. The countess rising from her seat, threw In hope of riding it down before it could her arms about the neck of the amiable Se- take fast hold on my constitution, I resolved rafina, and clasped her to her breast with to visit another relation, one Mr Pimpernel, great tenderness, while she herself was em- who lived about a dozen miles from the braced by the weeping mother. This movingo place where we lodged. Pimpernel, being scene was completed by the entrance of the youngest of four sons, was bred an attorGrieve himself, who, falling on his knees neyat Furnival's.Inn; but all his elder brothers before the count,-" Behold," said he, "a dying, he got himself called to the bar for penitent, who at length can look upon his the honour of his family; and, soon after patron without shrinking." " Ah, Ferdi- this preferment, succeeded to his father's nand!" cried he, raising and folding him in estate, which was very considerable. He his arms, "' the play.fellow of my infancy- carried home with him all the knavish chicathe companion of my youth!-Is it to you nery of the lowest pettifogger, together with that I am indebted for my life?" ".Heaven a wife whom he had purchased of a drayhas heard my prayer," said the other, " and man for twenty pounds; and he soon found given me an opportunity to prove myself not means to obtain a dedimus as an acting altogether unworthy of your clemency and justice of the peace. He is not only a sorprotection." He then kissed the hand of the did miser in his disposition; but his avarice countess, while Monsieur de Melvil saluted his is mingled with a spirit of despotism, which wife and lovely daughter, and all of us were is truly diabolical. He is a brutal husband, greatly affected by this pathetic recognition. an unnatural parent, a harsh master, an opIn a word, Grieve was no other than Fer- pressive landlord, a litigious neighbour, and dinand Count Fathom, whose adventures a partial magistrate. Friends he has nope; were printed many years ago. Being a sin- and in point of hospitality and good breeding, cere convert to virtue, he had changed his our cousin Burdock is a prince in comparison name, that he might elude the inquiries of with this ungracious miscreant, whose house the count, whose generous allowance he de- is the lively representation of a jail. Our termined to forego, that he might have no reception was suitable to the character I have dependance but upon his own industry and sketched. Had it depended upon the wife, moderation. He had accordingly settled in we should have been kindly treated. She is this village as a practitioner in surgery and really a good sort of woman, in spite of her physic, and for some years wrestled with all low original, and well respected in the the miseries of indigence; which, however, county; but she has not interest enough in he and his wife had borne with the most ex- her own house to command a draught of taemplary resignation. At length, by dint of ble beer, far less to bestow any kind of eduunwearied attention to the duties of his pro- cation on her children, who run about like fession, which he exercised with equal hu- ragged colts in a state of nature. Pox on manity and success, he had acquired a tole- him! lihe is such a dirty fellow, that I have table share of business among the farmers not patience to prosecute the subject. and common people, which enabled him to By the time we reached Harrowgate, I live in a decent manner. He had been scarce began to be visited by certain rheumatic ever seen to smile; was unaffectedly pious; symptoms. The Scotch lawyer, Mr Mickleand all the time he could spare from the whimmen, recommended a hot-bath of these avocations of his employment, he spent in waters so earnestly, that I was over-persuadeducating his daughter, and in studying for ed to try the experiment. He had used it his own improvement. In short, the adven- often with success, and always staid an hour turer Fathom was, under the name of Grieve, in the bath, which was a tub filled with fIaruniversally respected among the commonalty rowgate water, heated for the purpose. If I of this district, as a prodigy of learning and could hardly bear the smell of a single tumvirtue. These particulars I learned from the bler when cold, you may guess how my nose vicar, when we quitted the room, that they was regaled by the steams arising from a hotmight be under no restraint in their mutual bath of the same fluid. At night I was effusions. I make no doubt that Grieve will conducted into a dark hole on the groundbe pressed to leave off business, and reunite floor, where the tub smoked and stunk like himself to the count's family; and as the the pot of Acheron in one corner, and in ancountess seemed extremely fond of his daugh- other stood a dirty bed, provided with thick ter, she will, in all probability, insist upon blankets, in which I was to sweat, after Serafina s accompanying her to Scotland. coming out of the bath. My heart seemed EXPEDITION OF HUMPHRY CLINKER. 387 to die within me, when I entered this dismal him into the dining-room, and placed him bagnio, and found my brain assaulted by such promptly at the table; and his taste was ininsufferable effluvia. I cursed Micklewhim- dulged with a succession of delicacies, cullmen for not considering that my organs were ed by their fair hands. All this attention formed on this side the Tweed; but being he repaid with a profusion of compliments ashamed to recoil upon the threshold, I sub- and benedictions, which were not the less mitted to the process. agreeable for being delivered in the Scottish After having endured all but real suffoca- dialect. As for Mrs Tabitha, his respects tion for above a quarter of an hour in the were particularly addressed to her; and he did tub, I was moved to the bed, and wrapped in not fail to mingle them with religious reflecblankets. There I lay a full hour, panting tions, touching free grace, knowing her bias with intolerable heat; but not the least to methodism, which he also professed upon a moisture appearing on my skin, I was car- calvanistical model. ried to my own chamber, and passed the For my part, I could not help thinking night without closing an eye, in such a flut- this lawyer was not such an invalid as he ter of spirits as rendered me the most mis- pretended to be. I observed he eat very erable wretch in being. I should certainly heartily three times a-day; and though his have run distracted, if the rarefaction of my bottle was marked stomachic tincture, he blood, occasioned by that Stygian bath, had had recourse to it so often, and seemed to not burst the vessels, and produced a vio- swallow it with such peculiar relish, that I lent hemorrhage, which, though dreadful and suspected it was not compounded in the alarming, removed the horrible disquiet. I apothecary's shop, or the chemist's laboralost two pounds of blood and more on this tory. One day, while he was earnest in disoccasion, and find myself still weak and lan- course with Mrs Tabitha, and his servant had guid: but, I believe, a little exercise will gone out on some occasion or other, I dexforward my recovery; and therefore I am terously exchanged the labels and situation resolved to set out to-morrow for York, in of his bottle and mine; and having tasted my way to Scarborough, where I propose to his tincture, found it was excellent claret. brace up my fibres by sea-bathing, which I I forthwith handed it about to some of my know is one of your favourite specifics. neighbours, and it was quite emptied before There is, however, one disease, for which Mr Micklewhimmen had occasion to repeat you have found as yet no specific, and that his draught. At length, turning about, he is old age, of which this tedious unconnect- took hold of my bottle instead of his own; ed epistle is an infallible symptom. What, and, filling a large glass, drank to the health therefore, cannot be cured, must be endured, of Mrs Tabitha. It had scarce touched his by you, as well as by yours, lips, when he perceived the change that had MATT. BRAMBLE. been put upon him; and was at first a little Harrozogate, June 26. out of countenance. He seemed to retire within himself, in order to deliberate, and in half a minute his resolution was taken: adTo SIR WATKIN PHILLIPS, BART. OF JESUS dressing himself to our quarter, "I give the COLLEGE, OXON. gentleman credit for his wit," said he; " it was a gude practical joke: but sometimes DEAR KNIGIIT,-The manner of living at hi joci in seria ducunt mala. I hope, for Harrowgate was so agreeable to my dispo- his own sake, he has na drank all the licsition, that I left the place with some regret. cor: for it was a vara poorful infusion of Our aunt Tabby would have probably made jalap in Bourdeaux wine; and it's possible some objection to our departing so soon, had he may ha ta'en sic a dose as will produce a not an accident embroiled her with Mr terrible catastrophe in his ain booels." Micklewhimmen, the Scotch advocate, on By far the greater part of the contents whose heart she had been practising, from had fallen to the share of a young clothier the second day after our arrival. That ori- from Leeds, who had come to make a figure ginal, though seemingly precluded from the at Harrowgate, and was, in effect, a great use of his limbs, had turned his genius to coxcomb in his way. It was with a view to good account. In short, by dint of groaning laugh at his fellow-guests, as well as to morand whining, he had excited the compassion tify the lawyer, that he had emptied the botof the company so effectually, that an old tle, when it came to his turn, and he had lady, who occupied the very best apartment laughed accordingly: but now his mirth gave in the house, gave it up for his ease and con- way to his apprehension. He began to spit, venience. When his man led him into the to make wry faces, and writhe himself into long-room, all the females were immediately various contortions. " Damn the stuff," cried in commotion:-one set an elbow-chair; an- he, " I though it had a villainous twangother shook up the cushion; a third brought pah! he that would cozen a Scot, mun get a stool; and a fourth a pillow, for the ac- oop betimes, and take old Scratch for his commodation of his feet. Two ladies (of counsellor." "In troth, Mester what d'ye whom Tabby was always one) supported ca'um," replied the lawyer, "your wit has SMOLLETT'S SELECT WORKS. ron you into a filthy puddle-I'm truly con- ground, that he might receive her in her desarned for your waeful case. The best ad- scent. This maiden was just as she had vice I can give you in sic a dilemma, is to started out of bed, the moon shone very send an express to Rippon for Dr Waugh bright, and a firesh breeze of wind blowing, without delay; and, in the mean time, swal- none of Mrs Winifred's beauties could poslow all the oil and butter you can find in the sibly escape the view of the fortunate Clinkhoose, to defend your poor stomach and in- er, whose heart was not able to withstand tastines from the villication of the particles the united force of' so many charms; at least, of the jallap, which is vera violent, even I am much mistaken if' he has not been her when taken in moderation." humble slave from that moment. He reThe poor clothier's torments had already ceived her in his arms, and, giving her his begun: he retired, roaring with pain, to his coat to protect her from the weather, asown chamber; the oil was swallowed, and cended again with admirable dexterity. the doctor sent for; but before he arrived, At that instant, the landlord of the house the miserable patient had made such dis- called out, with an audible voice, that the charges upwards and downwards, that no- fire was extinguished, and the ladies had thing remained to give him farther offence: nothing farther to fear: this was a welcome and this double evacuation was produced by note to the audience, and produced an imim agination alone; for what he had drank mediate etfect; the shrieking ceased, and a was genutine wine of Bordeaux, which the confused sound of expostulation ensued. H 1:awver had brought from Scotland for his conducted Mrs Tabitha and my sister to their own private use. The clothier, finding the own chamber, where Liddy fainted away, ioke turn out so expensive and disagreeable, but was soon brought to herself. Then I quitted the house next morning, leaving the went to offer my service to the other ladies, triumph to Nlicklewhimmen, who enjoyed it who might want assistance. They were all internally, without any signs of outward ex- scudding through the passage to their several.itation; on the contrary, he affected to pity apartments: and as the thoroughfare was lightthe young mana for what he had suffered, and ed by two lamps, I had a pretty good obseracquired fresh credit from this show of mo- vation of them in their transit; but as most deration. of them were naked to the smock, and all It was about the middle of the night which their heads shrouded in huge night-caps, succeeded this adventure, that the vent of I could not distinguish one face from anotize kitchen-chimney being foul, the soot took ther, though I recognized somne of their fre, and the alarm was given in a dreadful voices. These were generally plaintivermanner. Every body leaped naked out of some wept, some scolded, and some prayedl bed, and in a minute the whole house was I lifted up one poor old gentlewoman, who fOlled with cries and confusion. There were had been overturned and sore bruised by a two stairs in the house, and to these we multitude of feet; and this was also the case naturally ran; but they were both so blocked with the lame parson from Northumberland, tip, by the people pressing one upon another, whom Micklewhimmen had in his passage that it seemed impossible to pass without overthrown, though not with impunity; for throwing down and trampling upon the wo- the cripple, in falling, gave him such a good men. In the midst of this anarchy, Mr pelt in the head with his crutch, that the Micklewhimmen, with a leathern portmnan- blood followed. teau on his back, came running as nimbly As for the lawyer, he waited below till the as a buck along the passage; and Tabby, in hurly-burly was over, and then stole softly }her under petticoat, endeavouring to hook to his own chamber, from whence he did not him under the arm, that she might escape venture to make a second sally till eleven in through his protection, he very fairly pushed the forenoon, when he was led into the public her down, crying, " Na, na, gude faith, cha- room by his own servant and another assistrity begins at hame!" Without paying the ant, groaning most wofully, with a bloody least respect to the shrieks and entreaties napkin round his head. But things were of his female friends, he charged through greatly altered. The selfish brutality of his the midst of the crowd, overturning every behaviour on the stairs had steeled their thing that opposed him, and actually fought hearts against all his arts and address. Not his way to the bottom of the stair-case. By a soul offered to accommodate him with a this time Clinker had found a ladder, by chair, cushion, or footstool; so that he was which he entered the window of my uncle's obliged to sit down on a hard wooden bench. chamber, where our family was assembled, In that position he looked around with a and proposed that we should make our exit rueful aspect, and, bowing very low, said, in successively by that conveyance. The squire a whining tone, " Your most humble servant, exhorted his sister to begin the descent, but ladies-fire is a dreadful calamity." "6 Fire before she could resolve, her woman, Mrs purifies gold, and it tries friendship," cried XV inifred Jenkins, in a transport of terror, Mrs Tabitha, bridling. "6 Yea, madam," re. threw herself out at the window upon the plied Micklewhimmen,'" and it trieth discreladder, while Humphry dropped upon the tion alsoo" "If discretion consists in for= EXPEDITION OF HUMPHRY CLINKER. 389 saking a friend in adversity, you are emi- exit, he had moved with surprising agility. nently possessed of that virtue," resumed He replied, that it was the nature of fear to our aunt. " Na, madam," rejoined the ad- brace up the nerves; and mentioned some vocate, "well I wot I cannot claim any surprising feats of strength and activity permerit from the mode of my retreat. Ye'll formed by persons under the impulse of terplease to observe, ladies, there are twa inde- ror; but he complained, that, in his own pendent principles that actuate our nature. particular, the effects had ceased when the One is instinct, which we have in common cause was taken away. The squire said he with the brute creation, and the other is would lay a tea-drinking on his head, that he reason. Noo, in certain great emergencies, should dance a Scotch measure, without when the faculty of reason is suspended, making a false step; and the advocate, grininstinct takes the lead; and, when this pre- ning, called for the piper. A fiddler being dominates, having no affinity with reason, it at hand, this original started up, with his pays no sort of regard to its connections; it bloody napkin over his black tie-periwig, and only operates for the preservation of the acquitted hirnself in such a manner, as exindividual, and that by the most expeditious cited the mirth of the whole company; but and effectual means: therefore, begging your he could not regain the good graces of Mrs pardon, ladies, I'm no accountable, in foro Tabby, who did not understand the principle conscientiwe, for what I did, while under the of instinct; and the lawyer did not think it influence of this irresistible pooer." worth his while to proceed'to further demonHere my uncle interposed,-" I should be stration. glad to know," said he, "whether it was From Harrowgate we came hither, by the instinct that prompted you to retreat with way of York; and here we shall tarry some bag and baggage; for, I think, you had a days, as my uncle and Tabitha are both reportmanteau on your shoulder." The law- solved to make use of the waters. Scarboyer answered, without hesitation, "Gif I rough, though a paltry town, is romantic, might tell my mind freely, without incurring from its situation along a cliffthat overhangs the suspicion of presumption, I should think the sea. The harbour is formed by a small it was something superior to either reason elbow of land that runs out as a natural mole, or instinct, which suggested that measure, directly opposite to the town; and on that and this on a twafald account: in the first side is the castle, which stands very high, of place, the portmanteau contained the wri- considerable extent, and, before the inventings of a worthy nobleman's estate; and tion of gunpowder, was counted impregnatruieir being burnt would have occasioned a ble. At the other end of Scarborough are loss that could not be repaired: secondly, two public rooms, for the use of the company my good angel seems to have laid the port- who resort to this place in the summer, to mantle on my shoulders, by way of defence, drink the waters, and bathe in the sea; and to sustain the violence of a most inhuman the diversions are pretty much on the same blow from the crutch of a reverend clergy- footing here as at Bath. The Spa is a little man; which, even in spite of that medium, way beyond the town, on this side, under a hath wounded me sorely, even unto the cliff, within a few paces of the sea; and pericranium." "By your own doctrine," thither the bathers go every morning in discried the parson, who chanced to be present, habille; but the descent is by a great num" I am not accountable for the blow, which ber of steps, which invalids find very inconwas the effect of instinct." " I crave your venient. Betwixt the well and the harbour, pardon, reverend sir," said the other, "in- the bathing machines are ranged along the stinct never acts but for the preservation of beach, with all their proper utensils and atthe individual; but your preservation was tendants. You have never seen one of these out of the case-you had already received machines. Image to yourself, a small, snug, the damage; and therefore the blow must be wooden chamber, fixed upon a wheel-carimputed to revenge, which is a sinful pas- riage, having a door at each end, and, on sion, that ill becomes any Christian, espe- each side, a little window above, and a bench cially a protestant divine; and, let me tell below. The bather, ascending into this apartyou, most reverend doctor, gin I had a mind ment by wooden steps, shuts himself in, and to plea, the law would hauld my libel rele- begins to undress; while the attendant yokes vant." " Why, the damage is pretty equal a horse to the end next the sea, and draws on both sides," cried the parson; your head the carriage forwards, till the surface of the is broke, and my crutch is snapped in the water is on a level with the floor of the dressmniddle-now, if you repair the one, I will ing-room; then he moves and fixes the horse be at the expense of curing the other." to the other end. The person within, being This sally raised the laugh against Mickle- stripped, opens the door to the seaward, whimmen, who began to look grave; when where he finds the guide ready, and plunges moy uncle, in order to change the discourse, headlonginto the water. After havingbathed, observed, that instinct had been very kind to he reascends into the apartment by the steps, him in another respect; for it had restored which had been shifted for that purpose, and to him the use of his limbs, which, in his puts on his clothes at his leisure, while the 139 $SMOLLETT'S SELECT WORKS. carriage is drawn back again upon the dry from Spain, -mreat part of which was under land; so that he has nothing further to do the dominion of the Moors. Those British but to open the door and come down as he architects who adopted this style don't seem went up; should he be so weak or ill as to to have considered the propriety of their require a servant to put off and on his clothes, adoption. The climate of the country posthere is room enough in the apartment for sessed by the Moors or Saracens, both in half a dozen people. The guides who attend Africa and Spain, was so exceedingly hot the ladiesoin the water are of their own sex; and dry, that those who built places of worand they and the female bathers have:a dress ship for the multitude employed their talents of flannel for the sea; nay, they are provided in contriving edifices that should be cool; with other conveniences for the support of and, for this purpose, nothing could be better decorum. A certain number of the machines adapted than those buildings, vast, narrow, are fitted with tilts, that project from dark and lofty, impervious to the sun-beams, the seaward ends of them, so as to screen and having little communication with the the bathers from the view of all persons scorched external atmosphere; but ever afwhatsoever. The beach is admirably adapt- fording a refreshing coolness, like subterraed for this practice, the descent being gently nean cellars in the heats of summer, or gradual, and the sand soft as velvet; but then natural caverns in the bowels of huge mounthe machines can be used only at a certain tains. But nothing could be more prepostime of the tide, which varies every day; so terous than to imitate such a mode of archithat sometimes the bathers are obliged to tecture in a country like England, where rise very early in the morning. For my part, the climate is cold, and the air eternally I love swimming as an exercise, and can en- loaded with vapours, and where, of consejoy it at all times of the tide, without the quence, the builder's intention should be to fbrmality of an apparatus. You and I have keep tjie people dry and warm. For my often plunged together into the Isis; but the part, I never entered the abbey-church at sea is a much more noble bath, for health as Bath but once, and, the moment I stepped w'ell as pleasure. You cannot conceive what over the threshold, I found myself chilled to a fow of spirits it gives, and how it braces the very marrow of my bones. When we every sinew of the human frame. Were I consider that, in our churches in general, we to enumerate half the diseases which are breathe a gross stagnated air, surcharged every day cured by sea-bathing, you might with damps from vaults, tombs, and charnelilstly say you had received a treatise, instead houses, may we not term them so many magtf a letter, from your affectionate friend and azines of rheums, created for the benefit of,servant, J. MELFORD. the medical faculty; and safely aver, that Scarborough, July 4. more bodies are lost than souls saved by going to church, in the winter especially, which may be said to engross eiglht months in the To Da LEwis. year? I should be glad to know what offence it would give to tender consciences, if I have not found all the benefit I expected at the house of God was made more comfortScarborough, where I have been these eight able, or less dangerous to the health of valedays. From Harrowgate we came hither by tudinarians; and whether it would not be an the way of York, where we staid only one encouragement to piety, as well as the salvaday, to visit the castle, the minster, and the tion of many lives, if the place of worship assembly room. The first, which was here- was well floored, wainscoted, warmed and tofore a fortress, is now converted into a ventilated, and its area kept sacred from the prison, and is the best, in all respects, I ever pollution of the dead. The practice of burysaw, at home or abroad. It stands in a high ing in churches was the effect of ignorant situation, extremely well ventilated, and has superstition, influenced by knavish priests, a spacious area within the walls, for the who pretended that the devil could have no health and convenience of all the prisoners, power over the defunct, if he was interred except those whom it is necessary to secure in holy ground; and this indeed is the only in close confinement. Even these last have reason that can be given for consecrating all all the comforts that the nature of their situ- cemeteries even at this day. ation cam admit of. Here the assizes are The external appearance of an old cathehield, in a range of buildings erected for that dral cannot be but displeasing to the eye of purpose. every man who has any idea of propriety or As for the minster, I know not how to dis- proportion, even though he may be ignorant tiltguish it, except by its great size and the of architecture as a science; and the long hIeight of its spire, from those other ancient slender spire puts one in mind of a criminal chiurches in different parts of the kingdom, impaled, with a sharp stake rising up through whicli used to be called monuments of Gothic his shoulder. These towers, or steeples, hrclitecture; but it is now agreed that this were likewise borrowed from the Mahometistyle Sias naacen raIther than Gothic, and, I ans, who, having no bells, used such minasi;ppose, it was first m.ported into England rets for the purpose of calling the people to EXPEDITION OF HUMPHRY CLINKER. 391 prayers. They may be of farther use, how- I ever knew who had resolution enough to ever, for making observations and signals; live his own way in the midst of foreigners; but I would vote for their being distinct from for, neither in dress, diet, customs or conthe body of the church, because they serve versation, did he deviate one tittle from the only to make the pile more barbarous, or manner in which he had been brought up. Saracenical. About twelve years ago, he began a giro or There is nothing of this Arabic architec- circuit, which he thus performed. At Nature in the assembly-room, which seems to pies, where he fixed his head-quarters, he me to have been built upon a design of Pal- embarked for Marseilles, from whence he ladio, and might be converted into an ele- travelled with a voiturin to Antibes. There gant place of worship; but it is indifferently he took his passage to Genoa and Lerici; contrived for that sort of idolatry which is from which last place he proceeded, by the performed in it at present. The grandeur way of Carrbratina, to Pisa and Florence. of the fane gives a diminutive effect to the After having halted some time in this melittle painted divinities that are adored in it; tropolis, he set out with a vetturino for and the company, on a ball-night, must look Rome, where he reposed himself a few like an assembly of fantastic fairies, revelling weeks, and then continued his route to iNaby moon-light among the columns of a ples, in order to wait for the next opportuGrecian temple. nity of embarkation. After having twelve Scarborough seems to be falling off in times described this circle, he lately flew off point of reputation. All these places (Bath at a tangent, to visit some trees at his excepted) have their vogue, and then the country-house in England, which he had fashion changes. I am persuaded there are planted above twenty years ago, after the fifty spas in England as efficacious and salu- plan of the double colonnade in the piazza tary as that of Scarborough, though they of St Peter's at Rome. He came hither to have not yet risen to fame, and perhaps Scarborough, to pay his respects to his noble never will, unless some medical encorniast friend and former pupil, the M- of G.-, should find an interest in displaying their and, forgetting that he is now turned of sevvirtues to the public view. Be that as it enty, sacrificed so liberally to Bacchus, that may, recourse will always be had to this next day he was seized with a fit of the apoplace for the convenience of sea-bathingY, plexy, which has a little impaired his memory; while this practice prevails; but it were to but lie retains all the oddity of his character in be wished they would make the beach more perfection, and is going back to Italy by the accessible to invalids. way of Geneva, that he may have a conferI have here met with my old acquaintance, ence with his friend Voltaire, about giving H t t, whom you have often heard me the last blow to the Christian superstition. mention as one of the most original charac- He intends to take shipping here for Holters upon earth. I first knew him at Venice, land or Ilamburgh: for it is a matter of and afterwards saw him in different parts of great indifference to him at what part of the Italy, where he was well known by the continent he first lands. nickname of Cavallo Bianco, fiom his ap- When he was going abroad the last time, pearing always mounted on a pale horse, he took his passage in a ship bound for Leglike Death in the Revelations. You must horn, and his baggage was actually embarked. remember the account I once gave you of a In going down the river by water, he was curious dispute he had at Constantinople (by mistake) put on board of another vessel with a couple of Turks, in defence of the under sail; and, upon inquiry, understood Christian religion; a dispute from which he she was bound to Petersburgh. "Petersacquired the epithet of Demonstrator. The burgh-Petersburgh-" said he, "I don't truth is, H —t owns no religion but that care if I go along with you." He forthwith of nature; but, on this occasion, he was struck a bargain with the captain, bought a stimulated to show his parts, for the honour couple of shirts of the mate, and was safe of his country. Some years ago, being in conveyed to the court of Muscovy, from the Campidoglio at Rome, he made up to whence he travelled by land to receive his the bust of Jupiter, and bowing very low, baggage at Leghorn. He is now more likely exclaimed,in the Italian language, —" I hope, than ever to execute a whim of the same nasir, if ever you get your head above water ture; and I will hold any wager, that, as he again, you will remember that I paid my re- cannot be supposed to live much longer, acspects to you in your adversity." This sally cording to the course of nature, his exit will was reported to the Cardinal Camerlengo, be as odd as his life has been extravaand by him laid before Pope Benedict XTV. gant.* who could not help laughing at the extravagance of the address, and said to the cardi- This gentleman crossed the sea to France, nal,-"'Those English heretics think they visited and conferred with M. de Voltaire at leve a riglht to go to the devil in their own Fernay, resumed his old circuit at Genoa, and w~'y." died in 1767, at the house of Vanini in Florence, hideed, I —1 t was the only Englishman Being taken with a suppression of urine, he re 3092 SMOLLETT'S SELECT WORKS. But, to return from one humourist to an- he could hardly find in his heart to execute, other. You must know I have received ben- so well disposed was he to furnish the mob efit both from the chalybeate and the sea, with farther entertainment at my expense. and would have used them longer, had not Clinker's intention was laudable, without all a most ridiculous adventure, by making me doubt; but, nevertheless, I am a sufferer by the town-talk, obliged me to leave the place: his simplicity. I have had a burning heat, for I can't bear the thought of affording a and a strange buzzing noise, in that ear, ever spectacle to the multitude. Yesterday morn- since it was so roughly treated; and I caning, at six o'clock, I went down to the bath- not walk the street without being pointed ingplace, attended by my servant Clinker, at, as the monster that was hauled naked who waited on the beach as usual. The ashore upon the beach. Well, I affirm that wind blowing from the north, and the wea- folly is often more provoking than knavery, ther being hazy, the water proved so chill, avy, and more mischievous too: and whether that, when I rose from my first plunge, I a man had not better choose a sensible rogue could not help sobbing and bawling out, from than an honest simpleton, for his servant, is the effects of the cold. Clinker, who heard no matter of doubt with yours, my cry, and saw me indistinctly a good way MATT B]RAMBLE. without the guide, buffeting the waves, took Scarborough, July 4. it for granted I was drowning, and rushing into the sea, clothes and all, overturned the guide, in his hurry to save his master. I had To SIn WATKIN PHILLIPS, BART. OF JEsvs swam out a few strokes, when, hearing a COLLE E, OxON. noise, I turned about, and saw Clinker (already up to his neck) advancing towards me, DEAR WAT,-We made a precipitate rewith all the wildness of terror in his aspect. treat from Scarborouoh, owing to the excessAfraid he would get out of his depth, I made ive delicacy of our squire, who cannot bear haste to meet him; when, all of a sudden, the thoughts of being prcetereuntium digito he seized me by one ear, and dragged me monstratus. bellowing with pain upon the dry beach, to One morning, while he was bathing in the astonishment of all the people, men, wo- the sea, his man Clinker took it into his men and children, there assembled. head that his master was in danger of drownI was so exasperated by the pain of my ing; and, in this conceit, plunging into the ear, and the disgrace of being exposed in water, he lugged him out naked on the beach, such an attitude, that, in the first transport, and almost pulled off his ear in the operation. I struck him down; then, running back into You may guess how this achievement was the sea, took shelter in the machine, where relished by Mr Bramble, who is impatient, my clothes had been deposited. I soon re- irascible, and has the most extravagant ideas collected myself so far as to do justice to of decency and decorum in the economy of the poor fellow, who, in great simplicity of his own person. In the first ebullition of heart, had acted from motives of fidelity and his choler, he knocked Clinker down with affection. Opening the door of the machine, his fist; but he afterwards made him amends which was immediately drawn on shore, I for this outrage; and, in order to avoid the paw him standing by the wheel, dropping further notice of the people, among whom like a water-work, and trembling from head this incident had made him remarkable, he to foot, partly from cold, and partly from the resolved to leave Scarborough next day. dread of having offended his master. I We set out accordingly over the moors, made my acknowledgements for the blew he by the way of Whitby, and began our journey had received, assured him I was not angry, betimrnes, in hopes of reaching Stockton that and insisted upon his going home immedi- night; but in this hope we were disappointed. ately to shift his clothes; a command which In the afternoon, crossing a deep gutter, made by a torrent, the coach was so hard solved, in imitation of Pomponius Atticus, to strained, that one of the irons which connect take himself off by abstinence; andi this reso- the frame snapt, and the leather sling on the lution he executed like an ancient Roman. same side crackedin the middle. The shock He saw company to the last, cracked his was so great, that my sister Liddy struck jokes, conversed freely, and entertained his her head against Mrs Tabitha's nose with guests with music. On the third day of his fast he found himself entirely freed of hisuch violenc e, that the blood flowed; a smal complaint; but refused taking sustenance. win Jenkins was darted th rou gh a small Hie said, the most disagreeable part of the window in that part of the carriage next voyage was past, and he should be a cursed the horses, where she stuck like a bawd in fool indeed to put about ship when he was the pillory, till she was released by the hand just entering the harbour. In these senti- of Mr Bramble. We were eight miles disments he persisted, without any marks of af- tant from any place where we could be supfectation, and thus finished his course with plied with chaises, and it was impossible to such ease andl serenity, as would have done proceed with the coach, until the damage 1honour to the firmest stoic of antiquity. should be repaired. In this dilemma we EXPEDITION OPF HUMPHRY CLINKER. 393 discovered a blacksmith's forge on the edge dangerous and dishonourable; and that he of a small common, about half a mile from should have no scruple in trusting to his the scene of our disaster, and thither the gratitude and fidelity, if he had any employpostilions made shift to draw the carriage ment for him which he thought would suit slowly, while the company walked a-foot; his qualifications and his circumstances; but but we found the blacksmith had been dead that all the departments he had mentioned some days; and his wife, who had been in his letter were filled up by persons of lately delivered, was deprived of her senses, whose conduct he had no reason to complain; under the care of a nurse hired by the parish. of consequence he could not, without injusWe were exceedingly mortified at this dis- tice, deprive any one of them of his bread. appointment, which, however, was surmount- Nevertheless, he declared himself ready to ed by the help of Humphry Clinker, who is assist him in any feasible project, either with a surprising compound of genius and simpli- his purse or:credit. city. Finding the tools of the defunct, to- MIartin seemed deeply touched at this gether with some coals in the smithy, he declaration. The tear started in his eye, unscrewed the damaged iron in a twinkling, while he said, in a faultering accent,and, kindling a fire, united the broken pieces " Worthy sir,-your generosity oppresses with equal dexterity and dispatch. While me-I never dreamed of troubling you for he was at work upon this operation, the poor any pecuniary assistance-indeed I have no woman in the straw, struck with the well- occasion-I have been so lucky at billiards known sound of the hammer and anvil, and betting at different places, at Buxton, started up, and, notwithstanding all the Harrowgate, Scarborough, and Newcastle nurse's efforts, came running into the smithy, races, that my stock in ready money amounts where, throwing her arms about Clinker's to three hundred pounds, which I would neck,-"Ah, Jacob!" cried she, " how could willingly employ in prosecuting some honest you leave me in such a condition " scheme of life; but my friend Justice BuzThis incident was too pathetic to occasion zard has set so many springs for my life, mirth-it brought tears into the eyes of all that I am under the necessity of either retirpresent. The poor widow was put to bed i ing immediately to a remote part of the again; and we did not leave the village country, where I can enjoy the protection without doing something for her benefit. of some generous patron, or of quitting the Even Tabitha's charity was awakened on kingdom' altogether. It is upon this alterthis occasion. As for the tender-hearted native that I now beg leave to ask your adHfumphry Clinker, he hammered the iron vice. I have had information of all your and wept at the same time. But his inge- route since I had the honour to see you at nuity was not confined to his own province Stevenage; and, supposing you would come of farrier and blacksmith-it was necessary this way frorn Scarborough, I came hither to join the leather sling which had been last night from Darlington to pay you my broke; and this service he likewise perform- respects." ed, by means of a broken awl, which he "It would be no difficult matter to provide new-pointed and ground, a little hemp which you with an asylum in the country," replied he spun into lingles, and a few tacks which my uncle; "but a life of indolence and obhe made for the purpose. Upon the whole, scurity w,ould not suit with your active and we were in a condition to proceed in little enterprising disposition. I would therefore more than one hour; but even this delay advise you to try your fortune in the East obliged us to pass the night at Gisborough. Indies. I will give you a letter to a friend Next day we crossed the Tees at Stockton, in London, who will recommend you to the which is a neat, agreeable town; and there direction, for a commission in the company's we resolved to dine, with purpose to lie at service; and if that cannot be obtained, you Durham. will at least be received as a volunteer-in Whom should we meet in the yard, when which case you may pay for your passage, we alighted, but Martin the adventurer. and I shall undertake to procure you such Having handed out the ladies, and conducted credentials, that you will not be long without them into an apartment, where he paid his a commission." compliments to Mrs Tabby with his usual Martin embraced the proposal with great address, he begged leave to speak to my uncle eagerness; it was therefore resolved that he in another room; and there, in some confui- should sell his horse, and take a passage by sion, he made an apology for having taken sea for London, to execute the project withthe liberty to trouble him with a letter at out delay. In the mean time, he accompaStevenage. He expressed his hope, that nied us to Durham, where we took up our Mr Bramble had bestowed some consideration quarters for the night. Here, being fuiron his unhappy case, and repeated his desire nished with letters from my uncle, he took his of being taken into his service. leave of us, with strong symptoms of gratiMy uncle, calling me into the room, told tude and attachment, and set out for Sunderhim, that we were both very well inclined to land, in order to embark in the first collier rescue him from a way of life that was equally bound for the river Thames. He had not 5 SQ* 394 SMOLLETT'S SELECT WORKS. been gone half an hour, when we were joined of concern they had shown at his disaster in by another character, which promised some- the court-yard. As the squire said they thing extraordinary. A tall meagre figure, could not decently decline his visit, he was answering, with his horse, the description of shown up stairs, and paid his respects in the Don Quixote mounted on Rozinante, appear- Scotch dialect, with much formality. " Laed in the twilight at the inn door, while my dies," said he, "perhaps you may be scanaunt and Liddy stood at a window in the daleezed at the appearance my head made dining-room. He wore a coat, the cloth of when it was uncovered by accident; but I which had once been scarlet, trimmed with can assure you, the condition you saw it Brandenburgs, now totally deprived of their in is neither the effects of disease, nor of metal; and he had holster-caps and housing drunkenness, but an honest scar received in of the same stuff and same antiquity. Per- the service of my country." He then gave ceiving ladies at the window above, he en- us to understand, that, having been wounded deavoured to dismount with the most grace- at Ticonderago, in America, a party of inful air he could assume; but the ostler dians rifled him, scalped him, broke his skull neglecting to hold the stirrup, when he with the blow of a tomahawk, and left him wheeled off his right foot, and stood with for dead on the field of battle; but that, his whole weight on the other, the girth un- being afterwards found with signs of life, he fortunately gave way, the saddle turned, had been cured in the French hospital, down came the cavalier to the ground, and though the loss of substance could not be his hat and periwig falling off, displayed a repaired; so that the skull was left naked head-piece of various colours, patched and in several places, and these he covered with plastered in a woful condition. The ladies, patches. at the window above, shrieked with affright, There is no hold by which an Englishman on the supposition that the stranger had re- is sooner taken than that of compassion. ceived some notable damage in his fall; but the We were immediately interested in behalf greatest injury he had sustained, arose from of this veteran. Even Tabby's heart was the dishonour of his descent, aggravated by melted; but our pity was warmed with inthe disgrace of exposing the condition of his dignation, when we learned, that, in the cranium; for certain plebeians that were course of two sanguinary wars, he had been about the door laughed aloud, in the belief wounded, maimed, mutilated, taken and enthat the captain had got either a scald head, slaved, without ever having attained a higher or a broken head, both equally opprobrious. rank than that of lieutenant. My uncle's He forthwith leaped up in a fury, and eyes gleamed, and his nether lip quivered, snatching one of his pistols, threatened to while he exclaimed,-" I vow to God, sir, put the ostler to death, when another squall your case is a reproach to the service. The from the women checked his resentment. injustice you have met with is so flagrant"He then bowed to the window, while he kiss- " I must crave your pardon, sir," cried the ed the butt-end of his pistol, which he re- other, interrupting him, " I complain of no placed, adjusted his wig in great confusion, injustice. I purchased an ensigncy thirty and led his horse into the stable. By this years ago; and, in the course of service, time I had come to the door, and could not rose to be a lieutenant, according to my help gazing at the strange figure that pre- seniority." " But, in such a length of time, sented itself to my view. Hie would have resumed the squire, " you must have seen a measured above six feet in height, had he great many young officers put over your stood upright; but he stooped very much, head." "Nevertheless," said he, "I have was very narrow in the shoulders, and very no cause to murmur,-they bought their prethick in the calves of the legs, which were ferment with their money. I had no money cased in black spatterdashes. As for his to carry to market-that was my misforthighs, they were long and slender, like those tune; but nobody was to blame." " What of a grasshopper; his face was at least half no friend to advance a sum of money I" said a yard in length, brown and shrivelled, with Mr Bramble. " Perhaps I might have borprojecting cheek-bones, little grey eyes on rowed money for the purchase of a comthe greenish hue, a large hook-nose, a point- pany," answered the other; "but that loan ed chin, a mouth from ear to ear, very ill must have been refunded; and I did not furnished with teeth, and a high narrow choose to encumber myself with a debt of a forehead well furrowed with wrinkles. His thousand pounds, to be paid from an income horse was exactly in the style of its rider! of ten shillings a-day." "So you have spent a resurrection of dry bones, which (as we the best part of your life," cried Mr Braminafterwards learned) he valued exceedingly, ble, " your youth, your blood, and your conas the only present he had ever received in stitution, amidst the dangers, the difficulties, his life. the horrors, and hardships of war, for the Having seen this favourite steed properly consideration of three or four shillings a-day accommodated in the stable, he sent up his -a consideration" —" Sir," replied the Scot, compliments to the ladies, begging permiss- with great warmth, " you are the man that ion to thank them in person for the marks does me injustice, if you say or think I have EXPEDITION OF HUMPHRY CLINKER. 395 been actuated by any such paltry considera- budget of shrewd observations, but he brings tion. I am a gentleman; and entered the them forth in such an ungracious manner as sarvice as other gentlemen do, with such would be extremely disgusting, if it was not hopes and sentiments as honourable amnbi- marked by that characteristic oddity which tion inspires. If I have not been lucky in the never fails to attract the attention. He and lottery of life, so neither do I think myself Mr Bramble discoursed, and even disputed, unfortunate. I owe no man a farthing; I can on different subjects in war, policy, the always command a clean shirt, a mutton belles lettres, law and metaphysics; and chop, and a truss of straw; and, when I die, sometimes they were warmed into such alterI shall leave effects sufficient to defray the cation as seemed to threaten an abrupt disexpense of my burial." solution of their society; but Mr Bramble My uncle assured him he had no intention set a guard over his own irascibility, the to give him the least offence by the obser- more vigilantly as the officer was his guest; vations he had made; but, on the contrary, and when, in spite of all his efforts, he began spoke from a sentiment of friendly regard to to wax warm, the other prudently cooled in his interest. The lieutenant thanked him the same proportion. with a stiffness of civility, which nettled our Mrs Tabitha chancing to accost herbrother old gentleman, who perceived that his mode- by the familiar diminutive of Matt,-" Pray, ration was all affected; for, whatsoever his sir," said the lieutenant, " is your name tongue might declare, his whole appearance Matthias?" You must know it is one of denoted dissatisfaction. In short, without our uncle's foibles to be ashamed of his pretending to judge of his military merit, I name, Matthew, because it is puritanical; think I may affirm, that this Caledonian is a and this question chagrined him so much, self-conceited pedant, awkward, rude and that he answered,-" No, by G-d!" in a disputacious. Hle has had the benefit of a very abrupt tone of displeasure. The Scot school education; seems to have read agood took umbrage at the manner of his reply, number of books; his memory is tenacious, and bristling up, —" If I had known," said and he pretends to speak several different he, "that you did not care to tell your name, languages; but he is so addicted to wrang- I should not have asked the question. The ling, that he will cavil at the clearest truths, leddy called you Matt, and I naturally thought and, in the pride of argumentation, attempt it was Matthias; perhaps it may be Methuseto reconcile contradictions. Whether his lah, or Metrodorus, or Metellus, or AMathuriaddress and qualifications are really of that nus, or Malthinnus, or Matamorus, or-." stamp which is agreeable to the taste of our 1" No," cried my uncle, laughing, " it is neiaunt Mrs Tabitha, or that indefatigable ther of those, captain; my nameis Matthew maiden is determined to shoot at every sort Bramble, at your service. The truth is, I of game, certain it is, she has begun to prac- have a foolish pique at the name of Matthew, tise upon the heart of the lieutenant, who because it savours of those canting hypofavoured us with his company at supper. crites, who, in Cromwell's time, christened I have many other things to say of this all their children by names taken from the man of war, which I shall communicate in a scripture." " A foolish pique, indeed," cried post or two. Meanwhile, it is but reason- Mrs Tabby, "and even sinful, to fall out able that you should be indulged with some with your name because it is taken from respite from those weary lucubrations of, holy writ. I would have you to know, you yours, J. MELFORD. was called after great uncle Matthew ap aTewcastle upon Tyne, July 10. Madoc ap Meredith, Esquire, of Llanwysthin, in Montgomeryshire, justice of the quorum and crusty ruttleorum, a gentleman To SIR WVATEIN PHILLIPS, DART. OF JEsus of great worth and property, descended in a COLLEGE, OXON. straight line, by the female side, from Llewellyn, prince of Wales." DEAR PHILLIPs,-TIn my last, I treated This genealogical anecdote seemed to you with a high-flavoured dish, in the charac- make some impression upon the North Briter of the Scotch lieutenant, and I must pre- ton, who bowed very low to the descendants sent him once more for your entertainment. of Llewellyn, and observed, that he himself It was our fortune to feed upon him the best had the honour of a scriptural nomination. part of three days; and I do not doubt that The lady expressing a desire of knowing his he will start again in our way before we address, he said, he designed himself Lieushall have finished our northern excursion. tenant Obadiah Lismahago; and, in order to The day after our meeting with him at Dur- assist her memory, he presented her with ham proved so tempestuous, that we did not a slip of paper inscribed with these three choose to proceed on our journey; and words, which she repeated with great emmy uncle persuaded him to stay till the phasis, declaring it was one of the most noweather should clear up, giving him, at the ble and sonorous names she had ever heard. same time, a general invitation to our mess. He observed, that Obadiah was an adventi-'The man has certainly gathered a whole tious appellation, derived from his great 396 SMNTOLLETT'S SELECT WORKS. grandfather, who had been one of-the orioginal nail; splintered reeds had been thrust up his covenanters; but Lismahago was the family nostrils, and other tender parts; and the surname, taken from a place in Scotland calves of his legs had been blown up with so called. He likewise dropped some hints mines of. gunpowder, dug in the flesh with about the antiquity of his pedigree, adding, the sharp point of the tomahawk. with a smile of self-denial, sed genus et The Indians themselves allowed that Murproavos, et que non fecimus ipsi, vix ea phy died with great heroism, singing, as his nostra voco, which quotation he explained, death song, the Drimmendoo, in concert with in deference to the ladies; and Mrs Tabitha Mr Lismahago, who was present at the sodid not fail to compliment him on his mo- lemnity. After the warriors-and the matrons desty, in waiving the merit of his ancestry; had made a hearty meal upon the muscular adding, that it was the less necessary to him. flesh, which they pared from the victim, and as he had such a considerable fund of his had applied a great variety of tortures, which own. She now began to glue herself to his he bore without flinching, an old lady, with favour with the grossest adulation. She ex- a sharp knife, scooped out one of his eves, patiated upon the antiquity and virtues of and put a burning coal in the socket. The the Scottish nation, upon their valour, pro- pain of this operation was so exquisite, that bity, learning and politeness: she even de- he could not help bellowing; uponl which scended to encomiums on his own personal the audience raised a shout of exultation, address, his gallantry, good sense, and eru- and one of the warriors, stealing behind him, dition: she appealed to her brother, whether gave him the coutp de grace with a hatchet. the captain was not the very image of our Lismahago's bride, the squaw. Squinkinacousin Governor Griffith. She discovered a coosta, distinguished herself on this occasurprising eagerness to know the particulars sion. She showed a great superiority of of his life, and asked a thousand questions genius, in the tortures which she contrived concerning his achievements in war: all and executed with her own hands.: she vied which Mr Lismahago answered with a sort with the stoutest warrior in eating the flesh of jesuitical reserve; affecting a reluctance of the sacrifice; and, after.all the other to satisfy her curiosity on a subject that con- females were fuddled with dram-drinking, cerned his own exploits. she was not so intoxicated but, that she was By dint of her interrogations, however, able to play the garne.ofthe platter..with the we learned, that he and Ensign Murphy had conjuring sachem, and afterwards go through made their escape from the French hospital the ceremony of her own wedding, which at Montreal, and taken to the woods. in was consummated that same evening. The hope of reaching some English settlement; captain -had lived very happily with this but, inistaking their route, they fell in with accomplished sqiaw -for. two years, during, a party of MiAamis, who carried them away which she bore him a son, who is now the in captivity. - The intention of these Indians representative of his mother's tribe; but, at was to give one of them as an adopted son length, to his unspeakable grief, she had died to a venerable sachem, who had lost his: own of a fever, occasioned. by eating. too m ich in the course of the war, and to sacrifice the raw bear, which they had killed in a hunting other, according to the custom of the coun- excursion. try. Murphy, as being'the younger and By this time Mr Lismahago was elected handsomer of the two, was. designed to fill sachem, acknowledge&. first. warrior of the the place of the deceased, not only as the Badger tribe, and dignified with the name or son of the sachem, but -as the spouse of a epithet of Occacanastaoogarora, which signibeautiful squaw, to whom his predecessor fies nimble as a weasle; but all these advanhad been betrothed; but, in passing through tages and honours he was obliged to resign, the different wigwams, or villages, of the in consequence.of being exchanged for the Miamis, poor Murphy was so mangled by orator of the community, who had been the women and children, who have the pri- taken prisoner by the Indians that were in vilege of torturing all, prisoners in their pass- alliance with the English. At the peace, he age, that, by the time they arrived at the had sold out upon half-pay, and was returned, place of the, sachem's residence, he was to Britain, with a view to pass the rest oif rendered altogether unfit for the purposes of his life -in his own country, where he hoped marriage: it was determined, therefore, in to find some retreat, where his slender finanthe assembly of the warriors, that Ensign ces would afford him a decent subsistence. Murphy should be. brought to the stake, and Such are the outlines of Mr LismahaTo's that the lady should be given to Lieutenant history, to which Tabitha did se.riously -in.. Lismahago, who had likewise received his cline her ear; indeed, she seemed 6to beshare of torments, though they had not pro- taken with the same charms that- captivated duced emasculation. A joint of one finger the heart of Desdemona, who loved the Moor had been cut, or rather sawed off, with a for the danrgers he had-passed. rusty knife; one of his great toes was crushed The description of. poor Murphy's. sufferinto a mash betwixt two stones; some of his ings, which threw my sister Liddy into a teeth were drawn or dug out with a crooked swoon, extracted some sighs from the breast EXPEDITION OF HUMPHRY CLINKER. 397 of Mrs Tabby. When she understood he young lady of good sense and rare accolnhad been rendered unfit for marriage, she plishments, and a good christian at bottom. began to spit, and ejaculated, "JesuS what Then she asked whether his consort had been cruel barbarians!" and she made wry faces high-church or low-church, presbyterian or at the lady's nuptial repast; but she was anabaptist, or had been favoured with any eagerly curious to know the particulars of glimmering of the new light of the gospel. her marriage dress; whether she wore high- When he confessed that she and her whole breasted stays or boddice, a robe of silk or nation were utter strangers to the Christian velvet, and laces of Mechlin or minionette- faith, she gazed at him with signs of astonshe supposed, as they were connected with ishment; and Humphry Clinker, who chanced the French, she used rouge, and had her hair to be in the room, uttered a hollow groan. dressed in the Parisian fashion. The cap- After some pause-" In the name of God, tain would have declined giving a categorical Captain Lismahago," cried she,'" what rellexplanation of all these particulars, observing, gion do they profess " " As to religion, in general, that the Indians were too teha- madam," answered the lieutenant, " it is cious of their own customs to adopt the among those Indians a matter of great simmodes of any nation whatsoever; he said, plicity-they never heard of any alliance bemoreover, that neither the simplicity of their tw'een church and state. They, in general, manners, nor the commerce of their country, worship two contending principles; one the would admit of those articles of luxury which fountain of all good, the other the source of are deemed magnificence in Europe; and evil. The common people there, as in other that they were too virtuous and sensible to countries, run into the absurdities of superencourage the introduction of any fashion stition; but sensible men pay adoration to which might help to render them corrupt a Supreme Being, who created and sustains and effeminate. the universe." " 0! what a pity," exclaimThese observations served only to inflame ed the pious Tabby, " that some holy man her desire of knowing the particulars about has not been inspired to go and convert which she had inquired; and, with all his these poor heathens!" evasion, he could not help discovering the The lieutenant told her, that, while he refollowing particulars. That his princess had sided among them, two French missionaries neither shoes, stockings, shift, nor any kind arrived, in order to convert them to the of linen-that her bridal dress consisted of a catholic religion; but when they talked of petticoat of red baise, and a fringed blanket, mysteries and revelations, which they could fastened about her shoulders with a copper neither explain nor authenticate, and called skewer; but of ornaments she had great in the evidence of miracles, which they beplenty-her hair was curiously plaited, and lieved upon hearsay; when they taught, that interwoven with bobbins of human bone- the Supreme Creator of heaven and earth one eye-lid was painted green, and the other had allowed his only son, his own equal in yellow; the cheeks were blue, the lips white, power and glory, to enter the bowels of a the teeth red, and there was a black list woman, to be born as a human creature, to drawn down the middle of the forehead, as be insulted, flagellated, and even executed far as the tip of the nose-a couple of gaudy as a malefactor; when they pretended tio parrot's feathers were stuck through the create God himself, to swallow, digest, redivision of the nostrils-there was a blue vive, and multiply him, ad infinitum, by the stone set in the chin-her ear-rings con- help of a little flour and water, the Indians sisted of two pieces of hickory, of the size were shocked at the impiety of their preand shape of drumsticks-her legs and arms sumption. They were examined by the aswere adorned with bracelets of wampum- sembly of the sachems, who desired them her breast glittered with numerous strings to prove the divinity of their mission by some of glass beads-she wore a curious pouch, miracle. They answered, that it was not in or pocket, of woven glass, elegantly painted their power. "If you were really sent by with various colours-about her neck was heaven for our conversion," said one of the hung the fiesh scalp of a Mohawk warrior, sachems, "you would certainly have some whom her deceased lover had lately slain in supernatural endowments, at least you would battle-and, finally, she was anointed from have the gift of tongues, in order to explain head to foot with bear's grease, which sent your doctrine to the different nations among forth a most agreeable odour. which you are employed; but you are so igOne would imagine that these parapher- norant of our language, that you cannot exnalia would not have been much admired by press yourselves even on the most trifling a modern fine lady; but Mrs Tabitha was subjects." resolved to approve of all the 6aptain's con- In a word, the assembly were convinced nections. She wished, indeed, the squaw of their being cheats, and even suspected had been better provided with linen; but she them of being spies: they ordered them a owned there was much taste and fancy in bag of Indian corn a-piece, and appointed a her ornaments; she made no doubt, there- guide to conduct them to the frontiers; but fore, that Madame Squinkinacoosta was a the missionaries, having more zeal than dis STMOLLETT'S SELECT WORKS. cretion, refused to quit the vineyard. They these essays, under the title of the Glazier's persisted in saying mass, in preaching, bap- triz1Vh over Sawney the Scot-I'm pertizing and squabbling with the conjurors, or suaded it would be a vara agreeable offering priests of the country, till they had thrown to the patriots of London and Westminster." the whole community into confusion. Then WVhen I expressed some surprise that the the assembly proceeded to try them as im- natives of Scotland, who travel this way, had pious impostors, who represented the Al- not broke all the windows upon the road,mighty as a trifling, weak, capricious being: " With submission," replied the lieutenant, and pretended to make, unmake, and repro- "that were but shallow policy-it would only duce him at pleasure; they were, therefore, serve to make the satire more cutting and convicted of blasphemy and sedition, and severe; and, I think, it is much better to let condemned to the stake, where they died it stand in the window, than have it presentsinging salve regina, in a rapture of joy, for ed in the rec'oning." the crown of martyrdom which they had.Iy uncle's jaws began to quiver with in.thus obtained. dignation. Hte said the scribblers of such In the course of this conversation, Lieu- infamous stuff deserved to be scourged at the tenant Lismahago dropt some hints, by which cart's tail for disgracing their country with it appeared he himself was a freethinker. such monuments of malice and stupidity. Our aunt seemed to be startled at certain "These vermin," said he, "do not consider sarcasms he threw out against the creed of that they are affording their fellow-subjects, St Athanasius. HI-e dwelt much upon the xwhom they abuse, continual matter of selfwords reason, philosophy and contradiction gratulation, as well as the means of executin terms-he bid defiance to the eternity of ing the most manly vengeance that can be hell-fire; and even threw such squibs at the taken for such low, illiberal attacks. For immortality of the soul, as singed a little the my part, I admire the philosophic forbearance whiskers of Mrs Tabitha's faith; for by this of the Scotch, as much as I despise the insotime she began to look upon Lismahago as a lence of those wretched libellers, which is prodigy of learning and sagacity. In short, a-kin to the arrogance of the village cock, he could be no longer insensible to the ad- who never crows but upon his own dunghill." vances she made towards his affection; and, The captain, with an affectation of candour, although there was something repulsive in observed, that men of illiberal minds were his nature, he overcame it so far as to make produced in every soil; that, in supposing some return to her civilities. Perhaps he those were the sentiments of the English in thought it would be no bad scheme, in a su- general, he should pay too great a compliperannuated lieutenant on half-pay, to effect ment to his own country, which was not of a conjunction with an old maid, who, in all consequence enough to attract the envy of probability, had fortune enough to keep him such a flourishing and powerful people. easy and comfortable to the fag-end of his Mrs Tabby broke forth again in praise of days. An ogling correspondence forthwith his moderation, and declared that Scotland commenced between this amiable pair of ori- was the soil which produced every virtue ginals. He began to sweeten the natural under heaven. ~When Lismahago took his acidity of his discourse with the treacle of leave for the night, she asked her brother if compliment and commendation. He from the captain was not the prettiest gentleman time to time offered her snuff, of which he lhe had ever seen; and whether there was himself took great quantities, and even made not something wonderfully engaging in his her a present of a purse of silk-grass, woven aspect. Mr Bramble havin.g eyed her for by the hands of the amiable Squinkinacoosta, some time in silence,-" Sister," said he, who had used it as a shot-pouch in her hunt- "the lieutenant is, for aught I know, an ing expeditions. honest man and a good officer-he has a From Doncaster northwards, all the win- considerable share of understanding, and a dows of all the inns are scrawled with dog- title to more encouragement than he seems gerel rhymes, in abuse of the Scotch nation; to have met with in life; but I cannot, with and what surprised me very much, I did not a safe conscience, affirm that he is the pretperceive one line written in the way of re- tiest gentleman I ever saw; neither can I discrimination. Curious to hear what Lisma- cern any engaging charm in his countenance, haIro would say on this subject, I pointed out which, I vow to God, is, on the contrary, to him a very scurrilous epigram against his very hard-favoured and forbidding." countrymen, which was engraved on one of I have endeavoured to ingratiate myself the windows of the parlour where we sat. with this North Briton, who is really a te read it with the most starched compo- curiosity; but he has been very shy of my sure; and when I asked his opinion of the conversation, ever since I laughed at his poetry-" It is vara terse and vara poig- asserting that the English tongue was spoken nant," said he, "but, with the help of a wat with more propriety at Edinburgh than at dishclout, it might be rendered more clear London. Looking at me with a double and parspicuous. I marvel much that some squeeze of souring in his aspect, —" If the modern wit has not published a collection of old definition be true," said he, "that risi EXPEDITION OF HUIMPHRY CLINKER. 399 bility is the distinguishing characteristic of a courageous; but the truth is, one of the rational creature, the English are the most original meanings, if not the sole meaning, distinguished for rationality of any people I of that word was, noble, high-minded; and ever knew." I owned that the English were to this day, a Scotswoinan, in the situation easily struck with any thing that appeared of the young lady in the Tempest, would ludicrous, and apt to laugh accordingly; but express herself nearly in the same terms — it did not follow, that, because they were Don't provoke him;r for being gentle, that nore given to laughter, they had more ra- is, high-spirited, he won't tamely bear an tionality than their neighbours: I said, that insult. Spenser, in the very first stanza of such an inference would be an injury to the his Faery Queen, says, Scotch, who were by no means defective in rationality, though generally supposed little t i subject to the impressions of humour. which knight, far from being tame and fearThe captain answered, that this supposi- ful, was so stout, that tion must have been deduced either from'Nothini did he their conversation or their compositions, of, ut ever was ydrad which the English could not possibly judge To prove that we had impaired the energy vith precision, as they did not understand of our language by false refinement, he menathe dialect used by the Scots in common tinned the following words, which, thoug'h discourse, as well as in their works of hu- widely different in signification, are pronrilour. When I desired to know what those nounnced exactly in the same mannerworks of humour were, he mentioned a con- wright, write, rite, right; but, among the siderable number of pieces, which lie insist- Scotch, these words are as different in proed were equal in point of humour to any nunciation, as they are in meaning and orthing' extant in any language dead or living. thography; and this is the case with many Hie, in particular, recommended a collection others which he mentioned by way of illusof detached poems, in two small volumes, tration. He, moreover, took notice, that we entitled, The Euvergreen, and the works of had (for what reason he could never learn) Allan Rainsay, which 1 intend to provide altered the sound of our vowels from that tmyself with at Edinburg'h. He observed, which is retained by all the nations in Euthat a North Briton is seen to a disadvantage rope; an alteration which rendered the Ianin an English company, because he speaks guage extremely difficult to foreigners, and in a dialect that they can't relish, and in a made it almost impracticable to lay down phraseology which they don't understand. general rules for orthography and pronunHe therefore finds himself under a restraint ciation. Besides, the vowels were no longer which is a great enemy to wit and humour. simple sounds in the mouth of an Englishman, These are faculties which never appear in who pronounced both i and u as dipthongs. fIll lustre, but when the mind is perfectly Finally, he affirmed, that we mumbled our at ease, and, as an excellent writer says, speech with our lips and teeth, and ran the enjoys her elbow-rooni. words together without pause or distinction, -He proceeded to explain his assertion, in such a manner, that a foreigner, though that the English language was spoken with he understood English tolerably well, was greater propriety at Edinburgh than in often obliged to have recourse to a ScotchLondon. He said, what we generally called man to explain what a native of England had the Scottish dialect, was, in fact, true, genu- said in his own language. ine old English, with a mixture of some The truth of this remark was confirmed French terms and idioms, adopted in a long by Mr Bramble firom his own experience; intercourse betwixt the French and Scotch but he accounted for it on another principle. natisns; that the modern English, from TIe said, the same observation would hold in affectation and false refinement, had weak- all languages; that a Swiss talking Frenc:h, ened, and even corrupted their language, by was more easily understood than a Parisian, throwing out the guttural sounds, altering the by a foreigner who had not made himself pronunciation and the quantity, and disusing master of the language; because every lanmany words and terms of great significance. guage had its peculiar recitative, and it would In consequence of these innovations, the always require more pains, attention and works of our best poets, such as Chaucer, practice, to acquire both the words and the Spenser, and even Slhakspeare, were be- music, than to learn the words only; and come, in many parts, unintelligible to the yet nobody would deny, that the one was natives of South Britain; whereas the Scots, imperfect without the other; he, therefore, who retain the ancient language, understand apprehended, that the Scotchman and the them without the help of a glossary. " For Swiss were better understood by learners, ilnstance," said he, 1"how have your corm- because they spoke the words only without mentators been ptzzled by the fol'owing ex- the music, which they could not rehearse. pluession in the T'epest-flte's gentle anrd One would imagine this check might have not nfearful: as if it was a paralogism to damped the North Briton; but it served say, that, being gentle, he must of course be only to agitate his humour for disputation. 400 STMOLLETT'S SELECT WORKS. He said, if every nation had its own recita- The cathedral is a huge gloomy pile; but tive or music, the Scotch had theirs; and the clergy are well lodged. The bishop the Scotchman who had not yet acquired lives in a princely manner-the golden prethe cadence of the English, would naturally bends keep plentiful tables-and, I am told, use his own in speaking their language; there is some good sociable company in the therefore, if he was better understood than place; but the country, when viewed from the native, his recitative must be more in- the top of Gateshead Fell, which extends to telligible than that of the English; of conse- Newcastle, exhibits the highest scene of quence, the dialect of the Scotch had an ad- cultivation that ever I beheld. As for Newvantage over that of their fellow-subjects, castle, it lies mostly in a bottom, on the and this was another strong presumption banks of the Tyne, and makes an appearance that the modern English had corrupted their still more disagreeable than that of Durham; language in the article of pronunciation. but it is rendered populous and rich by inThe lieutenant was by this time become dustry and commerce; and the country lying so polemical, that every time he opened his on both sides the river, above the town, yields mouth, out flew a paradox, which he main- a delightful prospect of agriculture and planttained with all the enthusiasm of alterca- ation. Morpeth and Alnwick are neat, pretty tion; but all his paradoxes savoured strong towns, and this last is famous for the castle of a partiality for his own country. He un- which has belonged so many ages to the dertook to prove that poverty was a blessing noble house of Percy, earls of Northumberto a nation; that oatmeal was preferable to land. It is, doubtless, a large edifice, conwheat flour; and that the worship of Cloa- taining a great number of apartments, and cina, in temples which admitted both sexes, stands in a commanding situation, but the and every rank of votaries promiscuously, strength of it seems to have consisted, not was a filthy species of idolatry that outraged so much in its site, or the manner in which every idea of delicacy and decorum. I did it is fortified, as in the valour of its defendnot so much wonder at his broaching these ants. doctrines, as at the arguments, equally Our adventures, since we left Scarborough, whimsical and ingenious, which he adduced are scarce worth reciting; and yet I must in support of them. make you acquainted with my sister Tabby's In fine, Lieutenant Lismahago is a curiosity progress in husband-hunting. After her diswhich I have not yet sufficiently perused; appointments at Bath and London, she had and, therefore, I shall be sorry when we lose actually begun to practice upon a certain his company, though, God knows, there is adventurer, who was in fact a highwayman nothing very amiable in his manner or dis- by profession; but he had been used to snares position. As he goes directly to the south- much more dangerous than any she could west division of Scotland, and we proceed in lay, and escaped accordingly. Then she the road to Berwick, we shall part to-mor- opened her batteries upon an old weatherrow at a place called Feltonbridge; and, I beaten Scotch lieutenant, called Lismahago, dare say, this separation will be very griev- who joined us at Durham, and is, I think, ous to our aunt Mrs Tabitha, unless she has one of the most singular personages I ever received some flattering assurance of his encountered. His manner is as harsh as meeting her again. If I fail in my purpose his countenance; but his peculiar turn of of entertaining with these unimportant oc- thinking, and his pack of knowledge, made currences, they will at least serve as exer- up of the remnants of rarities, rendered his cises of patience, for which you are indebted conversation desirable, in spite of his peto yours, always, J. MELFORD. dantry and ungracious address. I have often MAorpeth, July 13. met with a crab-apple in a hedge, which I have been tempted to eat for its flavour, even while I was disgusted by its austerity. To Da Luwis. The spirit of contradiction is naturally so strong in Lismahago, that I believe in my DEAR DoCTOR,-I have now reached the conscience he has rummaged, and read, and northern extremity of England, and see, studied with indefatigable attention, in order close to my chamber window, the Tweed to qualify himself to refute established maxgliding through the arches of that bridge ims, and thus raise trophies for the gratificawhich connects this suburb to the town of tion of polemical pride. Such is the aspeBerwick, Yorkshire you have seen, and rity of his self-conceit, that he will not even therefore I shall say nothing of that opulent acquiesce in a transient compliment made to province. The city of Durham appears like his own individual in particular, or to his a confused heap of stones and brick, accu- country in general. mulated so as to cover a mountain, round When I observed that he must have read which a river winds its brawling course. a vast number of books to be able to discourse The streets are generally narrow, dark and on such a variety of subjects, he declared he'runpleasant, tand many of them almost im- had read little or nothing, and asked how passable in consequence of their declivity, he should find books among the woods of EXPEDITION OF TIUMPHRY CLINKERP. 40t America, where he had spent the greatest ate that my countrymen have the least reason part of his life. My nephew remarking, to complain.. Preferment in the service, like that the Scotch in general were famous for success in any other branch of traffic, will their learning, he denied the imputation, and naturally favour these who have the greatest defied him to prove it from their works. stock of cash and credit, merit and capacity 6The Scotch," said he, " have a slight tinc- being supposed equal on all sides." ture of letters, with which they make a pa- But the most hardy of all this original's rade among people who are more illiterate positions were these; that commerce would, than themselves; but they may be said to sooner or later, prove the ruin of every nafloat on the surface of science, and they have tion, where it flourishles to any extent —that made very small advances in the usefill arts." the parliament was the rotten part of the "At least," cried Tabby, "all the worb0l British constitLtion —that the liberty of the allows that the Scotch behaved gloriously in press was a national evil and that the boastfighting and conquering the savages of Ame- ed institution of juries, as managed in Engrica." "I can assure you, madam, you have land, was productive of shameful perjury and been misinformed," replied the lieutenant, flaorant injustice. He observed, that traffic "in that continent the Scotch did nothing was an enemy to all the liberal passions of more than their duty, nor was there one corps the soul, founded on the thirst of lucre, a in his majesty's service that distinguished sordid disposition to take advantage of the itself more than another. Those who affect- necessities of our fellow-creatures. He afed to extol the Scotch for superior merit, firmed, the nature of comlnmerce was such, wrere no friends to that nation." that it could not be fixed or perpetual, but, Though he himself made free with his having flowed to a certain height, would imcountrymen, he would not suffer any other mediately begin to ebb, and so continue till person to glance a sarcasm at them with the channels should be left almost dry; but impunity. One of the company chancing to there was no instance of the tide's rising a mention Lord B —'s inglorious peace, the second time to any considerable influx in the lieutenant immediately took up the cudgels same nation. Meanwhile, the sudden affiuin his lordship's favour, and argued very ence occasioned by trade, forced open all the strenuously to prove that it was the most sluices of luxury, and overflowed the land honourable and advantageous peace that with every species of profligacy and corrupEngland had ever made since the foundation tion; a total depravity of manners would en.. of the monarclhy. Nay, between fiiends, he sue, and this must be attended with bank. offered such reasons oil this subject, that I iuptcy and ruin. He observed of the partiawas really confounded, if not convinced. ment, that the practice of buying boroughs, He would not allow that the Scotch abound- and canvassing for votes, was an avowed ed above their proportion in the army and system of venality, already established on navy of Great Britain, or that the En-glish the ruins of principle, integrity, faith, and had any reason to say his countrymen had good order; in consequence of which, the met with extraordinary encouragement'in elected and the elector, ald, in short, the the service. " When a South and North whole body of the people, were equally and Briton," said he, "are competitors for a universally contaminated and corrupted. II - place or commission, which is at the disposal affirmed, that, on a parliament thus constiof an English minister, or an English gene- tuted, the crown would always have influence ral, it would be absurd to suppose that the enough tosecureagreatmajorityin itsdepend. preference will not be given to the native ance, from the great number of posts, place;, of England, who has so many advantages and pensions it had to bestow; that such a over his rival. First and foremost, he has parliament would, as it had already donec, in his favour that laudable partiality, which, lengthen the term of its sitting andl authuMar Addison says, never fails to cleave to the rity, whenever the prince should think it for heart of an Englishman: secondly, he has his interest to continue the representatives more powerfidl connections, and a greater for, without doubt, they had the same right share of parliamentary interest, by which to protract their authority ad i7fl2nitsne', as those contests are generally decided; and, they had to extend it fiom three to seven lastly, he has a greater command of money years. With a parliament, therefore, doe to smooth the way to his success. "For my pendant upon the crown, devoted to the own part," said he, "I know no Scotch offi- prince, and supported by a standing army, cer who has risen in the army above the rank garbled and modelled for the purpose, any of a subaltern, without purchasing every de- king of England may, and probably some gree of preferment either with money or re- ambitious sovereign will, totally overthrow cruits; but I know many gentlemen of that all the bulwarks of the constitution; for it is country, who, for want of money ancd inte- not to be supposed that a prince of a hio' rest, have grown grey in the rank of lieute- spirit will tamely submit to he thwvvarted i nants: whereas very few instances of this ill all his measures, abused and insulted by a fortune are to be found among the natives popullace of unbridled ferocity, when he has of South Britain. Not that I would insilu- it in his power to crush all opposition under 5 T* 402 SMOLLETT'S SELECT WORKS. his feet with the concurrence of the legisla- reflection upon many observations which this ture. He said, he should always consider original discharged. the liberty of the press as a national evil, Whether our sister Tabby was really struck while it enabled the vilet reptile to soil the with his conversation, or is resolved to lustre of the most shining merit, and furnished throw at every thing she meets in the shape the most infamous incendiary with the means of a man, till she can fasten the matrimonial of disturbing the peace and destroying the noose, certain it is, she has taken desperate good order of the community. He owned, strides towards the affection of Lismahago, however, that, under due restrictions, it who cannot be said to have met her halfwould be a valuable privilege; but affirmed, way, though he does not seem altogether that, at present, there was no law in Eng- insensible to her civilities. She insinuated, land sufficient to restrain it within proper more than once, how happy we should be bounds. to have his company through that part of With respect to juries, he expressed him- Scotland which we proposed to visit, till at self to this effect. Juries are generally cornm- length he plainly told us, that his road was posed of illiterate plebians, apt to be mis-,totally different from that which we intended taken, easily misled, and open to sinister to take; that, for his part, his company influence; for if either of the parties to would be of very little service to us in our be tried can gain over one of the twelve progress, as he was utterly unacquainted jurors, he has secured the verdict in his fa- with the country, which he had left in his your: the juryman thus brought over, will, early youth, consequently, he could neither in despite of all evidence and conviction, direct us in our inquiries, nor introduce us to generally hold out till his fellows are fatigued, any family of distinction. He said, he was and harassed, and starved into concurrence; stimulated by an irresistible impulse to rein which case the verdict is unjust, and the visit the paternus lar, or patria domus, jurors are all perjured;-but cases will often though he expected little satisfaction, inasoccur, when the jurors are really divided in much as he understood that his nephew, the opinion, and each side is convinced in oppo- present possessor, was but ill qualified to sition to the other; but no verdict will be support the honour of the family. He assureceived, unless they are unanimous; and red us, however, as we designed to return they are all bound, not only in conscience, by the west road, that he would watch our but by oath, to judge and declare according motions, and endeavour to pay his respects to their conviction. What then will be the to us at Dumfries. Accordingly he took his consequence? They must either starve in leave of us at a place half way betwixt Morcompany, or one side must sacrifice their peth and Alnwick, and pranced away in conscience to their convenience, and join in a great state, mounted on a tall, meagre, rawverdict which they believe to be false. This boned, shambling grey gelding, without e'er absurdity is avoided in Sweden, where a bare a tooth in his head, the very counterpart of majority is sufficient; and in Scotland, where the rider; and, indeed, the appearance of two thirds* of the jury are required to concur the two was so picturesque, that I would in the verdict. give twenty guineas to have them tolerably You must not irnaine that all these de- represented on canvass. ductions were made on his part, without Northumberland is a fine county, extending contradiction on mine. No-the truth is, to the Tweed, which is a pleasant pastoral I found myself piqued in point of honour, at stream; but you will be surprised when I his pretending to be so much wiser than his tell you that the English side of that river is neighbours. I questioned all his assertions, neither so well cultivated nor so populous started innumerable objections, argued and as the other. The farms are thinly scatterwrangled with uncommon perseverance, and ed, the lands uninclosed, and scarce a gengrew very warm, and even violent in the tleman's seat is to be seen in some miles debate. Sometimes he was puzzled, and from the Tweed, whereas the Scots are once or twice, I think, fairly refuted; but advanced in crowds to the very brink of the from those falls he rose again, like Antaeus, river; so that you may reckon above thirty with redoubled vigour, till at length I was good houses in the compass of a few miles, tired, exhausted, and really did not know belonging to proprietors whose ancestors had how to proceed, when luckily he dropped a fortified castles in the same situations; a hint, by which he discovered he had been circumstance that shows what dangerous bred to thse law; a confession which enabled neighbours the Scotch must have formerly me to retire from the dispute with a good been-to the northern counties of England. grace, as it could not be supposed that a man Our domestic economy continues on the like me, who had been bred to nothing, should old footing. My sister Tabby still adheres be able to cope with a veteran in his own to methodism, and had the benefit of a serprofession. I believe, however, that I shall mon at Wesley's meeting in Newcastle; but for some time continue to chew the cud of I believe the passion of love has in some * A vistaele —a majority is sufficient in Scot- measure abated the fervour of devotion, both A nd te oriy is sufficient in Scot- in her and her woman, Mrs Jenkins, about land~, EXPEDITION OF HUMPHRY CLINKER. 403 whose good graces there has been a violent agreeable to the taste, has nothing solid or contest betwixt my nephew's valet, Mr Dut- substantial. The traitor not only dazzled ton, and my man Humphry Clinker. Jerry her with his second-hand finery, but he has been obliged to interpose his authority fawned, and flattered, and cringed-he taught to keep the peace; and to him I have left the her to take rappee, and presented her with discussion of that important affair, which a snuff-box of papier mache-he supplied had like to have kindled the flames of dis- her with a powder for her teeth —he mended cord in the family of yours always, her complexion, and he dressed her hair in MATT. BRAMBLE. the Paris fashion-he undertook to be her Tweedmouth, July 15. French master and her dancing master, as well as friseur, and thus imperceptibly wound himself into her good graces. Clinker perTo SIR WATKIN PHILLIPS, BART. AT OXON. ceived the progress he had made, and repined in secret. He attempted to open her eyes DEAR WAT,-In my two last you had so in the way of exhortation, and, finding it much of Lismahago, that I suppose you are produced no effect, had recourse to prayer. glad he is gone off the stage for the present. At Newcastle, while he attended Mrs Tabby I must now descend to domestic occurrences. to the methodist meeting, his rival accompaLove, it seems, is resolved to assert his do- nied Mrs Jenkins to the play. He was dressminion over all the females of our family. ed in a silk coat, made at Paris for his former After having practised upon poor Liddy's master, with a tawdry waistcoat of tarnished heart, and played strange vagaries with our brocade; he wore his hair in a great bag, aunt, Mrs Tabitha, he began to run riot in with a huge solitaire, and a long sword the affections of her woman, Mrs Winifred dangled from his thigh. The lady was all Jenkins, whom I have had occasion to men- of a flutter with faded lustring, washed gauze, tion more than once in the course of our and ribands three times refreshed; but she memoirs. Nature intended Jenkins for some- was most remarkable for the frisure of her thing very different from the character of head, which rose, like a pyramid, seven her mistress; yet custom and habit have inches above the scalp; and her face was effected a wonderful resemblance betwixt primed and patched from the chin up to the them in many particulars. Win, to be sure, eyes; nay, the gallant himself had spared is much younger, and more agreeable in neither red nor white in improving the nature her person; she is likewise tender-hearted of his own complexion. In this attire they and benevolent, qualities for which her mis- walked together through the high street to tress is by no means remarkable, no more the theatre; and as they passed for players, than she is for being of a timorous disposi- ready dressed for acting, they reached it untion, and much subject to fits of the mother, molested; but as it was still light when they which are the infirmities of Win's constitu- returned, and by that time the people had tion; but then she seems to have adopted got information of their real character and Mrs Tabby's manner with her cast clothes. condition, they hissed and hooted all the She dresses and endeavours to look like her way; and Mrs Jenkins was all bespattered mistress, although her own looks are much with dirt, as well as insulted with the oppromore engaging. She enters into her schemes brious name of painted Jezebel; so that of economy, learns her phrases, repeats her her fright and mortification threw her into remarks, imitates her style in scolding the an hysteric fit the moment she came home. inferior servants, and, finally, subscribes im- Clinker was so incensed at Dutton, whom plicitly to her system of devotion. This, he considered as the cause of her disgrace, indeed, she found the more agreeable, as it that he upbraided him severely for having was in a great measure introduced and con- turned the poor young woman's brain. The firmed by the ministry of Clinker, with whose other affected to treat him with contempt; personal merit she seems to have been struck and, mistaking his forbearance for want of ever since he exhibited the pattern of his courage, threatened to horse-whip him into naked skin at Marlborough. good manners. Humphry then came to me, Nevertheless, though Humphry had this humbly begging I would give him leave to double hank upon her inclinations, and ex- chastise my servant for his insolence. " He erted all his power to maintain the conquest has challenged me to fight him at sword's he had made, he found it impossible to guard point," said he; " but I might as well chalit on the side of vanity, where poor Win was lenge him to make a horse-shoe or a ploughas frail as any female in the kingdom. In iron: for I know no more of the one than short. my rascal Dutton professed himself he does of the other. Besides, it doth not her admirer, and, by dint of his outlandish become servants to use those weapons, or qualifications, threw his rival Clinker out of to claim the privilege of gentlemen to kill the saddle of her heart. Humphry may be one another, when they fall out; moreover, compared to an English pudding, composed I would not have his blood upon my conof good wholesome flour and suet, and Dut- science for ten thousand times the profit or ton to a syllabub or iced froth, which, though satisfaction I should get by his death; but 404 SMOLLETT'S SELECT WVORKS. if your honour won't be angry, I'll engage he encountered was the postilion, returned to gee'en a good drubbing, that, mayhap, from Coldstream, wherehe had been witness will do'en service, and I'll take care it shall to the marriage, and, over and above a handdo'en no harm." I said, I had no objection some gratuity, had received a bride's favour, to what he proposed, provided he could man- which he now wore in his cap. When the age matters so as not to be found the ag- forsaken lover understood they were actually gressor, in case Dutton should prosecute him married, and set out for London, and that for an assault and battery. Dutton had discovered to the lady that he Thus licensed, he retired; and that same (the Hibernian) was a tailor, he had like to evening easily provoked his rival to strike have run distracted. I-te tore the riband from the first blow, which Clinker returned with the fellow's cap, and beat it about his ears. such interest, that lie was obliged to call for He swore he would pursue him to the Egates quarter, declaring, at the same time, that he of hell, and ordered a post -chaise and four would exact severe and bloody satisfaction to be got ready as soon as possible; but rethe moment we should pass the border, when collecting that his finances would not admit he could run him through the body without of this way of travelling, he was obliged to fear of the consequence. This scene passed countermand this order. in presence of Lieutenant Lismahago, who For my own part, I kneow nothrinr at all encouraged Clinker to hazard a tlhrust of of what had happened, till the postilion cold iron with his antagonist. i" Cold iron," brought me the keys of my trunkr and portcried lumphry, "I shall never use against the manteau, which he had received fi'om Dutton, life of any human creature; but. I am so far who sent me his respects, hopino I would fiom being afraid of his cold iron, that Ishall excuse him for his abrupt departire, as it use nothing in my defence but a good cud- was a step upon which his fortune depended. gel, which shall always beat his service." In Before I had time to make my uncle acthe mean time, the fair cause of this contest, quainted with this event, the Irishman burst ~Mrs Winifred Jenkins, seemed overwhelmed into my chamber, without any introduction, with affliction, and Mr Clinker acted much on exclaiming, —" By my soul, your sarvant has the reserve, thogh lihe did not presume to robbed me of five thousand pounds, and I'll find fault with her conduct. The dispute be- have satisfaction, if I should be hung to-mortween the two rivals was soon brought to a row!" When I aslked him who he was,very unexpected issue. Among our fellow- "My name," said he, " is Master ~Iacloughlodgers at Berwick, was a couple from Lon- lin-but it should be LeiglMin O'Neale, for don, bound to Edinburgh on the voyage of msa- I am come from Ter-Owen the Grea.t; and trimony. The female was the daughter and so I am as good a gentleman as any in Ireheiress of a pawnbroker deceased, who had land: and that rogue, your sarvant, said I given her guardians the slip, and put herself was a tailor, which was as big a lie as if he under the tuition of a tall Hibernian, who had had called me the pope. I'm a man of forconducted her thus far in quest of a clergyman tune, and have spent all I had; and so being to unite them in marriage, without the for- in distress, Mr Coshlorave, the kfshioner in malities required by the law of England. I Suffolk street, tuck me out, and made me know not how the lover had behaved on the his own private shecretary. By the same road, so as to decline in the favour of his token, I was the last he bailed; for his inamorata; but, in all probability, Dutton per- friends obliged him to tie himself up, that he ceived a coldness on her side, which encou- would bail no more above ten pounds; for raged him to whisper, it was a pity she why? because as how he could not refuse any should cast her affections upon a tailor, which body that asked, and therefore, in time, would he affirmed the Irishman to be. This disco- have robbed himself of his whole fortune, very completed her disgust, of which my and, if he had lived long at that rate, must man taking the advantage, began to recomi- have died bankrupt very soon-and so I mend himself to her good graces; and the made my addresses to Miss Skinner, a young smooth-tongued rascal found no difficulty to lady of five thousand pounds fortune, who insinuate himself into the place of her agreed to take me for better nor wvorse; and, heart, from which the other had been dis- to be sure, this day would have put me in carded. Their resolution was immediately possession, if it had not been for that rogue, taken. In the morning, before day, while your sarvant, Who came like a tief, and stole poor Teague lay snoring a-bed, his indefati- away my property, and made her believe I gable rival ordered a post-chaise, and set was a tailor, and that she was going to out with the lady for Coldstream, a few marry the ninth part of a man: butthe devil miles up the Tweed, where there was a par- burn my sowl, if ever I catch him on the son Who dealt in this branch of commerce, mountains of Tulloghobegly, if I don't show and there they were noosed, before the Irish- him that I'm nine times as good a man as he, man ever dreamed of the matter. But when or e'er a bug of his country.'" hle got up at six o'clock, and found the bird When he had rung out his first alarm, I was flown, he made such a noise as alarmed told him I was sorry he had allowed himself the whole house. One of the first persons to be so jockied; but it was no business of EXPEDITION OF HUMPHRY CLINKER. 405 mine; and that the fellow who robbed him claring roundly that she was in a state of of his bride, had likewise robbed me of my apostacy and reprobation; and, finally, threatservant. —" Didn't. I tell you, then," cried ened to send her a-packing at this extremity he,' that Rogue was his true Christian of the kingdom. All the family interceded name? Oh! if I had but one fair trust for poor Winifred, not even excepting her with him upon the sod, I'd give him leave to slighted swain, Mr Clinker, who, on his brag all the rest of his life." knees, implored and obtained her pardon. My uncle hearing the noise, came in, and There was, however, another considerbeing informed of this adventure, began to ation that gave Mrs Tabitha some disturbcomfort Mr O'Neal for the lady's elopement; ance. At Newcastle, the servants had been observing, that he seemed to have had alucky informed by some wag, that there was no. escape: that it was better she should elope thing to eat in Scotland but oat meal and before than after marriage. The Hibernian sheep-heads; and Lieutenant Lismahago bewas of a very different opinion. He said, ing consulted, what he said served rather to if he had been once married, she might have confirm than to refute the report. Our aunt eloped as soon as she pleased: he would being apprised of this circumstance, very have taken care that she should not have gravely advised her brother to provide a carried her fortune along with her.'.' Ah!" sumpter-horse, with store of hams, tongues, said he, " she's a Judas Iscariot, and has bread, biscuit, and other articles, for our subbetrayed me with a kiss; and, like Judas, sistence in the course of our peregrination; she carried the bag, and has not left me and Mr Bramble as gravely replied, that he money enough to bear my expences back to would take the hint into consideration; but, London; and so as I am come to this pass, finding no such provision was made, she now and the rogue that was the occasion of it revived the proposal, observing, that there has left you without a sarvant, you may put was a tolerable market at Berwick, where me in his place; and, by Jasus! it is the we might be supplied; and that my man's best thing you can do." I begged to be ex- horse would serve as a beast of burden. The cused, declaring I could put up with any in- squire, shrugging up his shoulders, eyed her convenience, rather than treat as a footman askance, with a look of ineffable contempt; the descendant of Ter-Owen the Great. 1 and, after some pause —" Sister," said he, advised him to return to his friend Mr Cos- 1" I can hardly persuade myself you are segrave, and take his passage from Newcastle rious." She was so little acquainted with by sea, towards which I made him a small the geography of the island, that she imaginpresent, and he retired, seemingly resigned ed we could not go to Scotland but by sea; to his evil fortune. I have taken upon trial and, after we had passed through the town a Scotchman, called Archy M'Alpine, an old of Berwick, when we told her we were upon soldier, whose last master, a colonel, lately Scottish ground, she could hardly believe the died at Berwick. The fellow is old and assertion. If the truth must be told, the withered; but he has been recommended to South Britons in general are wofully ignomue for his fidelity by Mrs Humphreys, a very rant in this particular. What between want good sort of a woman, who keeps the inn at of curiosity, and traditional sarcasms, the Tweedmlouth, and is much respected by all effect of ancient animosity, the people at the the travellers on this road. other end of the island know as little of Clinker, without doubt, thinks himself Scotland as of Japan. happy in the removal of a dangerous rival, If I had never been in Wales, I should and he is too good a Christian to repine at have been more struck with the manifest difDutton's success. Even Mrs Jenkins will ference in appearance betwixt the peasants have reason to congratulate herself upon this and commonalty on the different sides of the event, when she coolly reflects upon the Tweed. The boors of Northumberland are matter; for, howsoever she was forced from lusty fellows, fresh complexioned, cleanly, her poise for a season, by snares laid for her and well clothed; but the labourers in Scotvanity, Humphry is certainly the north star land are generally lank, lean, hard-featured, to which the needle of her affection would sallow, soiled and shabby; and their little have pointed at the long-run. At present pinched blue caps have a beggarly effect. the same vanity is exceedingly mortified, The cattle are much in the same style with upon finding herself abandoned by her new their drivers, meagre, stunted, and ill equipadmirer, in favour of another inamorata. ped. When I talked to my uncle on this She received the news with a violent burst subject, he said-," Though all the Scottish of laughter, which soon brought on a fit of hinds would not bear to be compared with crying, and this gave the finishing blow to those of the rich counties of South Britain, the patience of her mistress, which had held they would stand very well in competition out beyond all expectation. She now opened with the peasants of France, Italy, and Saall those floodgates of reprehension which voy-not to mention the mountaineers of had been shut so long. She not only re- Wales, and the redshanks of Ireland." proached her with her levity and indiscretion, We entered Scotland by a frightful moor but attacked her on the score of religion, deo- of sixteen miles, which promises very little 406 SMOLLETT'S SELECT WORKS. for the interior parts of the kingdom; but able extent, that produces nothing but heath the prospect mended as we advanced. Pass- and fern; and what rendered it the more ing through Dunbar, which is a neat little dreary when we passed, there was a thicl town, situated on the sea-side, we lay at a fog that hindered us from seeing above twencountry inn, where our entertainment far ty yards from the carriage. Mly sister began exceeded our expectation; but for this we to make wry faces, and used her smelling cannot give the Scotch credit, as the land- bottle; Liddy looked blank, and Mrs Jenkins lord is a native of England. Yesterday we dejected; but in a few hours these clouds dined at Haddington, which has been a place were dissipated; the sea appeared on ou-r of some consideration, but is now gone to right, and on the left the mountains retired decay; and in the evening arrived at this a little, leaving an agreeable plain betwixt metropolis, of which I can say very little. them and the beach; but, what surprised us It is very romantic, from its situation on the all, this plain, to the extent of several mniles declivity of a hill, having a fortified castle at was covered with as fine wheat as ever I saw the top, and a royal palace at the bottom. in the most fertile parts of South Britaoin The first thing that strikes the nose of a This plentiful crop is raised in the open fieldo stranger shall be nameless; but what first without any inclosure, or other mam.re than strikes the eye is the unconscionable height the algo marina, or sea-weed, which abounmds of the houses, which generally rise to five, on this coast; a circumstance which shows six, seven and eight stories, and, in some that the soil and climate are favourable, but: places, as I am assured, to twelve. This that agriculture in this country is nob yet manner of building, attended with number- brought to that perfection which it has.t.. less inconveniences, must have been origin- tained in England. Inclosures would n, t ally owing to want of room. Certain it is, only keep the grounds warm, and tie seversy. the town seems to be full of people; but fields distinct, but would also protect the their looks, their language, and their customs, crop from the high winds which are so ficve are so different from ours, that I can hardly quent in this part of the island. believe myself in Great Britain. Dunbar is well situated for trade, and has The inn at which we put up, if it may be a curious basin, where ships of small burden so called, was so filthy and disagreeable in may be perfectly secure; but there is little all respects, that my uncle began to fret, and appearance of business in the place. iFroen his gouty symptoms to recur. Recollecting, thence, all the way to Edinburgh, there is a however, that he had a letter of recommend- continual succession of fine seats belongoing ation to one Mr Mitchelson, a lawyer, he to noblemen and gentlemen; and, as each is sent it by his servant, with a compliment, surrounded by its own parks and plantation, importing that he would wait upon him they produce a very pleasinig effect in a cotmnl next day in person; but that gentleman vis- try which otherwise lies open and exposed, ited us immediately, and insisted upon our At Dunbar there is a noble park, with a lodge, going to his own house, until he could pro- belonging to the Duke of Roxburgh; where vide lodgings for our accommodation. We Oliver Cromwell had his head-quarters, wlien gladly accepted of his invitation, and repair- Leslie, at the head of a Scotch army, took ed to his house, where we were treated with possession of the mountains in the neighbourequal elegance and hospitality, to the utter hood, and hampered him in such a manner, confusion of our aunt, whose prejudices, that he would have been obliged to embarkl and though beginning to give way, were not yet get away by sea, had not the fanaticism of tAhe entirely removed. To-day, by the assist- enemy forfeited the advantage which they had ance of our friend, we are settled in conve- obtained by their general's conduct. T'heir nient lodgings, up four pair of stairs, in the ministers, by exhortation, prayer, assurance High street, the fourth story being, in this and prophecy, instigated them to go down city, reckoned more genteel than the first. and slay the Philistines in Giigal; and they The air is, in all probability, the better; but quitted their ground accordingly, notwith[t requires good lungs to breath it at this dis- standing all that Leslie could do to restrain tarce above the surface of the earth. While the madness of their enthusiasm. When I do remain above it, whether higher or Oliver saw them in motion, he exclaimedlower, provided I do breathe at all, I shall "Praised be the Lord, he hath delivered themn ever be, dear Phillips, yours, into the hands of his servant!" and ordered J. MELFORD. his troops to sing a psalm of thanksgiving, IEdinizurglh, July 18. while they advanced in order to the plain, where the Scotch were routed with great. slaughter. -To DocToR LEWIs. In the neighbourhood of Haddington there is a gentleman's house, in the building of DrxAR LEwIs,-That part of Scotland con- which, and the improvements about it, he is tiguous to Borwick, nature seems to have said to have expended forty thousand pounds; iintended as a barrier between two hostile but I cannot say I was much pleased with nations. It is a brown desert, of consider- either the architecture or the situation, EXPEDITION OF HUMPHRY CLINKER. 407 though it has in front a pastoral stream, the ried in barrels, on the backs of male and banks of which are laid out in a very agree- female porters, up two, three, four, five, six, able manner. I intended to pay my respects seven and eight pairs of stairs, for the use of to Lord Elibank, whom I had the honour to particular families. Every story is a comknow at London, many years ago. He lives plete house occupied by a separate family; in this part of Lothian, but was gone to the and the stair being common to them all, is north on a visit. You have often heard me generally left in a very filthy condition; a mention this nobleman, whom I have long man must tread with great circumspection revered for his humanity and universal intel- to get safe housed with unpolluted shoes. ligence, over and above the entertainment Nothing can form a stronger contrast than arising from the originality of his character. the difference betwixt the outside and inside At MIusselburgh, however, I had the good of the door; for the good women of this mefortune to drink tea with my old friend Mr tropolis are remarkably nice in the ornaments Cardonel; and at his house I met with Dr and propriety of their apartments, as if they C —, the parson of the parish, whose hu- were resolved to transfer the imputation from mour and conversation inflamed me with a the individual to the public. You are no desire of being better acquainted with his stranger to their method of discharging all person. I am not at all surprised that these their impurities from their windows, at a cerScotch make their way in every quarter of tain hour of the night, as the custom is in the globe. Spain, Portugal, and some parts of France This place is but four miles from Edin- and Italy; a practice to which I can by no burgh, towards wlich we proceeded along the means be reconciled; for, notwithstanding sea-shore, upon a firm bottom of smooth sand, all the care that is taken by their scavengers which the tide had left uncovered in its re- to remove this nuisance every morning by treat. Edinburgh, from this avenue, is not break of day, enough still remains to offend seen to much advantage. WVe had only an the eyes, as well as the other organs, of those imperfect view of the castle and upper parts whom use has not hardened against all deliof the town, which varied incessantly, ac- cacy of sensation. cording to the inflexions of the road, and ex- The inhabitants seem insensible to these ihibited the appearance of detached spires impressions, and are apt to imagine the disand turrets, belonging to some magnificent gust that we avow is little better than affectedifice in ruins. The palace of Holyrood- ation: but they ought to have compassion house stands on the left as you enter the for strangers, who have not been used to Canongate. This is a street continued from this kind of sufferance, and consider whether hence to the gate called the Netherbow, it may not be worth while to take some pains which is now taken away; so that there is no to vindicate themselves from the reproach interruption for a long mile, from the bottom that on this account they bear among their to the top of the hill, on which the castle neighbours. As to the surprising height of stands in a most imperial situation. Con- their houses, it is absurd in many respects; sidering its fine pavement, its width, and the but, in one particular light, I cannot view it lofty houses on each side, this would be nn- without horror; that is, the dreadful situadoubtedly one of the noblest streets in Eu- tion of all the families above, in case the rope, if an ugly mass of mean buildings, common staircase should be rendered impassaliled the Luckenbooths, had not thrust able by a fire in the lower storeys. In or-;itself, by what accident I know not, into the der to prevent the shocking consequences.middle of the way, like Middle-row in Hol- that must attend such an accident, it would born. The city stands upon two hills, and be a right measure to open doors of commuthe bottom between them: and, with all its nication from one house to another on every defects, may very well pass for the capital storey, by which the people might fly from of a moderate kingdom. It is full of people, such a terrible visitation. In all parts of the and continually resounds with the noise of world we see the force of habit prevailing coaches and other carriages, for luxury as over all the dictates of convenience and sawell commerce. As far as I can perceive, gacity. All the people of business at Edinhere is no want of provisions. The beef and burgh, and even the genteel company, may mutton are as delicate here as in Wales; the be seen standing in crowds every day, from sea affords plenty of good fish; the bread is one to two in the afternoon, in the open remarkably fine; and the water is excellent, street, at a place where formerly stood a. though I'm afr aid not in sufficient quantity market-cross, which, by the bye, was a curi-to answer all the purposes of cleanliness and ous piece of Gothic architecture, still to be convenience; articles in which, it must be seen in Lord Somerville's garden, in this allowed, our fellow-subjects are a little de- neighbourhood. I say, the people stand in fective. The water is brought in leaden the open street firom the force of custom, rapipes from a mountain in the nei ghbourhood, ther than move a few yards to an exchange, to a cistern on the Castle Hill, from whence that stands empty on one side, or to the parit is distributed to public conduits in differ- liament close on the other, which is a noble ent parts of the city. From these it is car- square, adorned with a fine equestrian statue 408 SMOLLETT'S SELECT WORKS. of king Charles II. The company thus as- leave of me and his master; but I valley not sembled are entertained with a variety of his going a farting; but I have had hanger tunes, played upon a set of bells fixed in a on his account. Mistress scoulded like mad; steeple hard by. As these bells are well thof I have the comfit that all the family took toned, and the musician, who has a salary my part, and even Mr Clinker pleaded for from the city for playing upon them with rme on his bended knee; thof, God he knows, keys. is no bad performer, the entertainment he had raisins enuff to complain; but he's a is really agreeable, and very striking to the good sole, abounding with Christian meekears of a stranger. ness, and one day will meet with his reward. The public inns at Edinburgh are still And now, dear Mary, we have got to Hadworse than those of London; but, by means dingborough, among the Scots, who are civil of a worthy gentleman, to whom I was re- enuff for our money, thof I don't speak their commended, we have got decent lodgings in lingo. But they should not go for to impose the house of a widow gentlewoman of the upon foreigners; for the bills on their houses name of Lockhart; and here I shall stay say, they have different easements to let; until I have seen every thing that is remark- and behold there is nurra geaks in the whole able in and about this capital. I now begin kingdom, nor any think for pore servants, to feel the good effects of exercise. I eat but a barrel with a pair of tongs thrown like a farmer, sleep from midnight till eight across; and all the chairs in the family are in the morning, without interruption, and emptied into this here barrel once a-day; enjoy a constant tide of spirits, equally dis- and at ten o'clock at night the whole cargo tant from inanition and excess; but what- is flung out at a back windore that looks into ever ebbs and flows my constitution may some street or lane, and the maid calls gardyc undergo, my heart will still declare that I am, loo to the passengers, which signifies, Lord dear Lewis, your affectionate friend and ser- have mercy upon you! and this is done every rant, MATT. BRAMBLE. night in every house in Haddingborough; so Edinburgh, July 18. you may guess, Mary Jones, what a sweet savour comes from such a number of profuming pans. But they say it is wholesome, To MRs MARY JONEs, AT BRAMBLETON- and truly I believe it is; for being in the HALL. vapours, and thinking of Issabel and MfJr Clinker, I was going into a fit of astericks, DEAR MARY,-The squire has been so when this fiff, saving your presence, took ]lind as to rap my bit of nonsense under the me by the nose so powerfully, that I sneezed kiver of his own sheet. 0 Mary Jones! Mary three times, and found myself wonderfully Jones! I have had trials and trembulation. refreshed; and this to be sure is the raisin God help me I have been a vixen and a why there are no fits in Haddingborough. griffin these many days. Sattin has had I was likewise made believe that there was power to temp me in the shape of van Dit- nothing to be had but oatmeal and seeps" ton, the young squire's wally de shamble; heads; but if I hadn't been a fool, I mought but by God's grease he did not purvail. I have known there could be no heads without thoft as how there was no arm in going to a karcasses. This very blessed day I dined play at Newcastle, with my hair dressed in upon a delicate leg of Velsh mutton and cully the Parish fashion; and as for the trifle of flower; and as for the oatmeal, I leave that paint, he said as how my complexion wanted to the servants of the country, which are touch, and so I let him put it on with a little pore drudges, many of them without shoes Spanish owl; but a mischievous mob of col- or stockings. Mr Clinker tells me here is liers and such promiscous ribble rabble, that a great call of the gospel; but I wish, I wish could bear no smut but their own, attacked some of the family be not fallen off from the us in the street, and called me hoar and rite way. 0, if I was giving to tail-baring, painted Issabel, and splashed my close, and I have my own secrets to discover. There spoiled me a complete sete of blond lace has been a deal of huggling and flurtation triple ruffles, not a pin the worse for the betwixt mistress and an ould Scots officer ware. They cost me seven good sillings to called Kismycago. He looks for all the orld Lady Griskin's woman at London. like the scarecrow that our gardner set up When I axed Mr Clinker what they meant to frite away the sparrows; and what will by calling me Issabel, he put the pyebill into come of it the Lord nows; but come what my hand, and I read of van Issabel, a painted will, it shall never be said that I mentioned harlot, that was thrown out of a vindore, and a syllabub of the matter — Remember me the dogs came and licked her blood. But I kindly to Saul and the kitten-I hope they am no harlot; and, with God's blessing, no got the horn-buck, and will put it to a good dog shall have my poor blood to lick: marry, yuse, which is the constant prayer of, dear Heaven forbid, amen! As for Ditton, after Molly, your loving friend, all his courting and his compliment, he stole WIN. JENKINS, away an Irishman's bride, and took a French Addingborough, July 18O EXPEDITION OF HUMPHRY CLINKER. 409 esteem for the natives of South Britain; and To SIR WATKIN PHILLIPS, BART. or JEsus never mention our country, but with expressCOLLEGE, OXON. ions of regard. Nevertheless, they are far from being servile imitators of our modes DEAR PHILLIPS,-If I stay much longer and fashionable vices. All their customs and at Edinburgh, I shall be changed into a down- regulations of public and private economy, right Caledonian. My uncle observes, that of business and diversion, are in their own I have already acquired something of the style. This remarkably predominates in their country accent. The people here are so so- looks, their dress and manner, their music, cial and attentive in their civilities to stran- and even their cookery. Our squire degers, that I am insensibly sucked into the dlares, that he knows not another people channel of their manners and customs, al- upon earth so strongly marked with a nathough they are in fact much more different tional character. Now we are upon the from ours than you can imagine. That dif- article of cookery, I must own, some of their ference, however, which struck me very dishes are savoury, and even delicate; but I much at my first arrival, I now hardly per- am not yet Scotchman enough to relish their ceive, and my ear is perfectly reconciled to singed sheep's head and haggis, which were the Scotch accent, which I find even agree- provided, at our request, one day at Mr able in the mouth of a pretty woman. It is Mitchelson's, where we dined. The first put a sort of Doric dialect, which gives an idea me in mind of the history of Congo, in which of amiable simplicity. You cannot imagine I had read of negroes' heads sold publicly in how we have been caressed and feasted in the markets; the last, being a mess of minced the good town of Edinburgh, of which we lights, livers, suet, oatmeal, onions, and pepare beconle free denizens and guild-brothers, per, inclosed in a sheep's stomach, had a by the special favour of the magistracy. very sudden effect upon mine, and the deliI had a whimsical commission from Bath, cate Mrs Tabby changed colour; when the to a citizen of this metropolis. Quin, un- cause of our disgust was instantaneously rederstanding our intention to visit Edinburgh, moved at the nod of our entertainer. The pulled out a guinea, and desired the favour Scotch in general are attached to this comrnI would drink it at a tavern, with a particu- position, with a sort of national fondness, as Jar friend and bottle companion of his, one well as to their oatmeal bread; which is iMr R- C~-,'a lawyer of this city. I presented at every table, in thin triangular charged myself with the commission, and cakes, baked upon a plate of iron, called a taking the guinea, —" You see," said I, "6 I girdle; and these many of the natives, even have pocketed your bounty." "Yes," re- in the highest ranks of life, prefer to wheaten plied Quin, laughing, "and a headach into bread, which they have here in perfection. the bargain, if you drink fair." I made use You know we used to vex poor Murray ofA of this introduction to Mr C~-, who re- Baliol college, by asking, if there was really no ceived me with open arms, and gave me the fruit but turnips in Scotland! Sure enough, rendezvous, according to the cartel. He I have seen turnips make their appearance, had provided a company of jolly fellows, not as a dessert, but by way of hors d'euvres, among whom I found myself extremely hap- or whets, as radishes are served up betwixt py; and did Mr Ca- and Quin all the more substantial dishes in France and Italy; justice in my power; but, alas! I was no but it must be observed, that the turnips of more than a tyro among a troop of veterans, this country are as much superior in sweetwho had compassion upon my youth, and ness, delicacy and flavour, to those of Engconveyed me home in the morning, by what land, as a musk-melon is to the stock of a means I know not. Quin was mistaken, common cabbage. They are small and conihowever, as to the headach; the claret was cal, of a yellowish colour, with a very thin too good to treat me so roughly. skin; and, over and above their agreeable While Mr Bramble holds conferences with taste, are valuable for their antiscorbutic the graver literati of the place, and our fe- quality. As to the fruit now in season, such males are entertained at visits by the Scotch as cherries, gooseberries, and currants, there ladies, who are the best and kindest creatures is no want of them at Edinburgh; and in the upon earth, I pass my time among the bucks gardens of some gentlemen, who live in this of Edinburgh; who, with a great share of neighbourhood, there is now a very favourspirits and vivacity, have a certain shrewd- able appearance of apricots, peaches, necness and self-command that is not often found tarines, and even grapes; nay, I have seen among their neighbours in the hey-day of a very fine show of pine-apples within a few youth and exultation. Not a hint escapes miles of this metropolis. Indeed, we have a Scotchman that can be interpreted into no reason to be surprised at these particulars, offence by any individual of the company: when we consider how little difference there and national reflections are never heard. is, in fact, betwixt this climate and that of In this particular, I must own, we are both London. unjust and ungrateful to the Scotch; for, as All the remarkable places in the city and far as I am able to judge, they have a real its avenues, for ten miles around, we have oN U* Kidt} g 0' SMAOLLETT'S SELECT WORKS. vis.ted, much to our satisfaction. In the cas- A young gentleman, the express image tie are some royal apartments, where the of that rascal Wilson, went up to ask her to sovereign occasionally resided; and here are dance a minuet; and his sudden appearcarefully preserved the regalia of the king- ance shocked her so much, that she fainted dom, consisting of a crown, said to be of away. I call W~ilson a rascal, becauseif he great value; a sceptre, and a sword of state, had been really a g'entleman, with honouraadorned with jewels. Of these symbols of ble intentions, he would have ere now apsovereignty, the people are exceedingly jea- peared in his own character. I must own, ious. A report being spread, during the my blood boils with indignation when I think sitting of the union parliament, that they of that Tellow's presumption; and HI-eaven wvere removed to London, such a tumult confound me if I don't-but I won't be so arose, that the lord commissioner would have womanish as to rail-time will perhaps furS been torn in pieces, if he had not produced nish occasion —thank God! the cause of tenem for the satisfaction of the populace. Liddy's disorder remains a secret. The Tbhe palace of Holyrood-house is an ele- lady-directress of the ball, thinking she was gant piece of architecture, but sunk in an overcome by the heat of the place, had her o0bscure, and, as I take it, unwholesome bot- conveyed to another room, where she soon re-, ton, where one would imagine it had been covered so well as to return and joiin n the llaced on purpose to be concealed. The country-dances, in which the Scotch lasses apartments are lofty, but unfurnished; and acquit themselves with such spirit and amgil so for the pictures of the Scottish kings, ity, as put their paltners to the height of orn Fergus I. to King William, they are their mettle. I believe our aunt, Mrs Tai.iM j-aliy daubings, mostly by the same hand, tha, had entertained hopes of being able to:teinted either from the imagination, or por- do some execution among the cavaliers at'eors hired to sit for the purpose. All the di- this assembly. She lhad been several days,iersions of London we enjoy at Edinburgh in consultation with milliners anid mantuain a small compass. Here is a well-conducted rnakers, preparing for the occasion, at which concert, in which several gentlemen perform she made her appearance in a full suit of dad~ on different instruments. The Scotch are all mask, so thick and heavy, that the sight of" musicians. Every man you meet plays on it alone, at this season of the year, was suft the flute, the violin, or violincello; and ficient to draw drops of sweat from any,man there is one nobleman whose compositions of ordinary imagination. She danced one are universally admired. Our company of minuet with our friend Mr Mitchelson, who:actors is very tolerable; and a subscription faivoured her so far, in the spirit of hospitals!s now on foot for building a new theatre; ity and politeness; and she was called. out Put their assemblies please me above all a second time by the young laird of Balmaother public exhibitions. whapple, who, coming in by accident, could WVe have been at the hunters' ball, where not readily find any other partner; but as the i; was really astonished to see such a ilumber first was a married man, and the second paid of fine women. The English who have no particular homage to her charms, which:ever crossed the Tweed, imagine erroneous- were also overlooked by the rest of the comn. yv that the Scotch ladies are not remarka- pany, she became dissatisfied and censorious. ble for personal attractions; but I can declare At supper, she observed that the Scotch w-nith a safe conscience I never saw so many gentlemen made a very good figure, when handsome females together as were assem- they were a little improved by travelling; bled on this occasion. At the Leith races, and, therefore, it was pity they did not all the best company comes hither from the re- take the benefit of going abroad. She said mnoter provinces; so that, I suppose, we had the women were awkward, masculine creaall the beauty of the kingdom concentrated tures; that, in dancing, they lifted their legs as it were into one focus; which was indeed like so many colts; that they had no idea of so vehement, that my heart could hardly re- graceful motion, and put on their clothes in sist its power. Between friends, it has sus- a frightful manner; but if the truth must be tained some damage from the bright eyes of told, Tabby herself was the most ridiculous tihe charming Miss R ----— n, whom I had figure, and the worst dressed, of the whole the honour to dance with at the ball. The assembly. The neglect of the male sex renCourntess of Melville attracted all eyes, and dered her malcontent and peevish; she now te admiration of all present. She was ac- found fault with every thing at Edinburgh, companied by the agreeable Mtiss Grieve, and teazed her brother to leave the place, wvho made many conquests; nor did my sis- when she was suddenly reconciled to it on a ter Liddy pass unnoticed in the assembly.- religious consideration. There is a sect of She is become a toast at Edinburgh, by the fanatics, who have separated themselves name of the Fair Cambrian, and has al- from the established kir k, under the name of ready been the occasion of much wine-shed; seceders. They acknowledge no earthly but the poor girl met with an accident at head of the church, reject lay patronage, the ball which has given us great disturb- and maintain the methodist doctrines of the ance. new birth, the new light, the efficacy of EXPEDITION OF HUMPZIRY CLINKER. 41_ grace, the insufficiency of works, and the 1Be that as it may, they resolved to give e operations of the spirit. Mrs Tabitha, at- dinner and a ball at Leith, to which they tended by Hurnmphry Clinker, was introduced formally invited all the young noblemen andi to one of their conventicles, where they both gentlemen that were at the races; and this received much edification'; and she has had invitation was reinforced by an assurance, the good fortune to become acquainted with that all the celebrated ladies of pleasure a pious Christian, called Mr Moffat, who is would grace the entertainment withl their very powerful in prayer, and often assists company. I received a card on his occasiol, her in private exercises of devotion. and went thither with half a dozen of my acI never saw such a concourse of genteel quaintance. In a large hall, the cloth wias company at any races in England as appear- laid on a long range of tables joined toed on the course of Leith. Hard by, in the gether, and here the company seated thenfields called the Links, the citizens of Edin- selves, to the number of about fourscore, burgh divert themselves at a game called lords and lairds, and other gentlemen, courtgolf; in which they use a curious kind of ezans and cadies, mingled together, as thebats tipt with horn, and small elastic balls of slaves and their masters were in the tnime o0' leather, stuffed with feathers, rather less the Saturnalia in ancient Rome. The toascthan tennis-balls, but of a much harder con- master, who sat at the upper end, was one sistence. This they strike with such force Cadie Fraser, a veteran pimp, distin guishled and dexterity from one hole to another, that for his huimour and saogacity, well kno —lv they will fly to an incredible distance. Of and much respected in his profission by -ll'lh diversion the Scotch are so fond, that, the guests, male and female, that nere r e-. xwhllen the weather wvill permit, you may see assembled. H-e had bespoke the dinner a nd a, multitude of all ranks, from the senator of' the wine: he had taken care that all his iustice to the lowest tradesman, mingled to- brethren should appear in decent apparel arnd1 gether in their shirts, and following the balls clean linen; and he himself wore a?eriwri'with the utmnost eagerness. Among others, with three tails, in honour of the festival. i i was shown one particular set of golfers, assure you the banquet was both eleanut arnd the voungest of' whom was turned of' four- plentiful, and seasoned with a thousand sa'lscore. They were all gentlemnen of inde- lies, that promoted a general spirit oi mirt-h,endent fortunes, who had amused them- and good humour. After the dessert, c,ri selves with this pastime-for thie best part of Fraser proposed the followxing toasts, whli c a century, Without having' ever felt the least I don't pretend to explain: "' The best ir,