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ENTERED, according to Act of Congress, in the year 1849, by
j. S. REDFIELD,
In the Clerk's Office of the District Court, tvr t,. 6 bouthern District
of New York.





PiRE FACE.
THE present volume contains some of MR. PoFs most remarkable
productions. The nautical story of "'Arthur Gordon Pym" was writ
ten at an early period of his literary life, is the longest of his fictions
and the only exhibition we have of his abilities in a protracted and
sustained narrative. The humorous tales which follow, were, in the
author's own opinion, among the most perfect and successful of his
performances; and all readers will agree that the discussion respecting the Automaton Chess Player of Maelzel is characteristically ingenious and conclusive.
The publisher has now finished the complete collection of the
WoaKs OF EDGAR A. POE, originally contemplated. The series of
volumes, of which this is the fourth, embraces, it is believed, everything written by him which he himself would have wished thus to
preserve.
NEw YORK, Feb. 13, 1856.










CONTENTS OF VOL. IV*
PAGE
NARRATIVE OF A. GORDON PYmI.............................13
NOTE...........................................186
MISCELLANIES.
THE SYSTEM OF DR. TARR AND PROFESSOR FETHER,.........1........191
THE LITERARY LIFE OF THiNOuSI BOB, ESQ.),.......... *0.0  210
HOW TO 'WRITE A BL.ACEWOOD ARTICLE,..o..... 00009.... 230
A PREDICAMENT.................................241
MYSTIFICATION...............................................251
X-ING A PARAGRAB....oo.................                  260
DIDDLING CONSIDERED AS ONE OF THE EXACT SCIENCES,.........267
THlE ANGEL OF THE ODD,. 00...... 0......................278
MEL.IONTA TAUTA,...o*............... 288
Loss OF BREATH,.....................3 02)
THE MAN THAT WAS USED UP.......................a0............315
THlE BUSINESS MAN,.*...........................3)26
THE LANDSCAPE, GA RD EN,.. 0............................. 0.......0.....336
MAELZEL'S CHESS PLAYER............................ o o........... 346
REVIEW OF STEPHENS'S ARABIA PETRMA7...... *............*........71
LETTER To B  -................... 0.0....... *04. 0.............390
MAGAZINE WRITI.N-G-PETER q-N-OOK,.......9
THE QUACKS OF HELiCON-A SATIRE...................409
ASTORIA,..................420










PREFACE.
UPON my return to the United States a few months ago, after
the extraordinary series of adventure in the South Seas and
elsewhere, of which an account is given in the following pages,
accident threw me into the society of several gentlemen in Richmond, Va., who felt deep interest in all matters relating to the
regions I had visited, and who were constantly urging it upon
me, as a duty, to give my narrative to the public. I had several reasons, however, for declining to do so, some of which were
of a nature altogether private, and concern no person but myself; others not so much so. One consideration which deterred
me was, that, having kept no journal during a greater portion of
the time in which I was absent, I feared I should not be able to
write, from mere memory, a statement so minute and connected
as to have the appearance of that truth it would really possess,
barring only the natural and unavoidable exaggeration to which
all of us are prone when detailing events which have had powerful influence in exciting the imaginative faculties. Another
reason was, that the incidents to be narrated were of a nature so
positively marvellous, that, unsupported as my assertions must
necessarily be (except by the evidence of a single individual,
and he a half-breed Indian), I could only hope for belief among
my family, and those of my friends who have had reason,





PREFACE.


through life, to put faith in my veracity-the probability being
that the public at large would regard what I should put forth as
merely an impudent and ingenious fiction. A distrust in my
own abilities as a writer was, nevertheless, one of the principal
causes which prevented me from complying with the suggestions
of my advisers.
Among those gentlemen in Virginia who expressed the greatest interest in my statement, more particularly in regard to that
portion of it which related to the Antarctic Ocean, was Mr. Poe,
lately editor of the Southern Literary Messenger, a monthly
magazine, published by Mr. Thomas W. White, in the city of
Richmond. lie strongly advised me, among others, to prepare
at once a full account of what I had seen and undergone, and
trust to the shrewdness and common sense of the public-insisting, with great plausibility, that however roughly, as regards
mere authorship, my book should be got up, its very uncouthness, if there were any, would give it all the better chance of
being received as truth.
Notwithstanding this representation, I did not make up my
mind to do as he suggested. He afterward proposed (finding
that I would not stir in the matter) that I should allow him to
draw up, in his own words, a narrative of the earlier portion of
my auventures, from facts afforded by myself, publishing it in
the Southern Messenger under the garb of fiction. To this,
perceiving no objection, I consented, stipulating only that my
real name should be retained. Two numbers of the pretended
fiction appeared, consequently, in the Messenger for January
and February (1837), and, in order that it might certainly be
regarded as fiction, the name of Mr. Poe was affixed to the articles in the table of contents of the magazine.
The manner in which this ruse was received has induced me
at length to undertake a regular compilation and publication of
the adventures in question; fbr I found that,, in spite of the air





PREFACE.


xi


of fable which had been so ingeniously thrown around that portion of my statement which appeared in the Messenger (without
altering or distorting a single fact), the public were still not at
all disposed to receive it as fable, and several letters were sent
to Mr. P.'s address, distinctly expressing a conviction to the contrary. I thence concludedthat the facts of my narrative would
prove of such a nature as to carry with them sufficient evidence
of their own authenticity, and that I had consequently little to
fear on the score of popular incredulity.
This expose being made, it will be seen at once how much of
what follows I claim to be my own writing; and it will also be
understood that no fact is misrepresented in the first few pages
which were written by Mr. Poe. Even to those readers who
have not seen the Messenger, it will be unnecessary to point out
where his portion ends and my own commences; the difference
in point of style will be readily perceived.
A. G. PYM
New York, July, 1838.










NARRATIVE OF A. GORDON PYM.
CHAPTER I.
MY name is Arthur Gordon Pym. My father was a respectable trader in sea-stores at Nantucket, where I was born. My
maternal grandfather was an attorney in good practice. He was
fortunate in everything, and had speculated very successfully in
stocks of the Edgarton New Bank, as it was formerly called.
By these and other means he had managed to lay by a tolerable
sum of money. He was more attached to myself, I believe,
than to any other person in the world, and I expected to inherit
the most of his property at his death. He sent me, at six years
of age, to the school of old Mr. Ricketts, a gentleman with only
one arm, and of eccentric manners-he is well known to almost
every person who has visited New Bedford. I stayed at his
school until I was sixteen, when I left him for Mr. E. Ronald's
academy on the hill. Here I became intimate with the son of
Mr. Barnard, a sea captain, who generally sailed in the employ
of Lloyd and Vredenburgh-Mr. Barnard is also very well
known in New Bedford, and has many relations, I am certain,
in Edgarton. His son was named Augustus, and he was nearly
two years older than myself. He had been on a whaling voyage
with his father in the John Donaldson, and was always talking
to me of his adventures in the South Pacific Ocean. I used
frequently to go home with him, and remain all day, and sometimes all night. We occupied the same bed, and he would be
sure to keep me awake until almost light, telling me stories of
the natives of the Island of Tinian, and other places he had visited
in his travels. At last I could not help being interested in what he





14


NARRATIVE OF


said, and by degrees I felt the greatest desire to go to sea. I
owned a sail-boat called the Ariel, and worth about seventy-five
dollars. She had a half deck or cuddy, and was rigged sloopfashion-I forget her tonnage, but she would hold ten persons
without much crowding. In this boat we were in the habit of
going on some of the maddest freaks in the world; and, when I
now think of them, it appears to me a thousand wonders that I
am alive to-day.
I will relate one of these adventures by way of introduction
to a longer and more momentous narrative.  One night there
was a party at Mr. Barnard's, and both Augustus and myself
were not a little intoxicated towards the close of it. As usual,
in such cases, I took part of his bed in preference to going
home. He went to sleep, as I thought, very quietly (it being
near one when the party broke up), and without saying a word
on his favorite topic. It might have been half an hour from
the time of our getting in bed, and I was just about falling into
a doze, when he suddenly started up, and swore with a terrible
oath that he would not go to sleep for any Arthur Pym  in
Christendom, when there was so glorious a breeze from the
south-west. I never was so astonished in my life, not knowing
what he intended, and thinking that the wines and liquors he
had drunk had set him entirely beside himself. He proceeded
to talk very coolly, however, saying he knew that I supposed
him intoxicated, but that he was never more sober in his life.
He was only tired, he added, of lying in bed on such a fine
night like a dog, and was determined to get up and dress, and go
out on a frolic with the boat. I can hardly tell what possessed
me, but the words were no sooner out of his mouth than I felt a
thrill of the greatest excitement and pleasure, and thought his
mad idea one of the most delightful and most reasonable things
in the world. It was blowing almost a gale, and the weather
was very cold-it being late in October. I sprang out of bed,
nevertheless, in a kind of ecstasy, and told him I was quite as
brave as himself, and quite as tired as he was of lying in bed
like a dog, and quite as ready for any fun or frolic as any
A.ugustus Barnard in Nantucket.
We lost no time in getting on our clothes and hurrying down





A. GORDON PYM.


15


to the boat. She was lying at the old decayed wharf by the
lumber-yard of Pankey & Co., and almost thumping her sides
out against the rough logs. Augustus got into her and bailed
her, for she was nearly half full of water. This being done,
we hoisted jib and mainsail, kept full, and started boldly out to
sea.
The wind, as I before said, blew freshly from the south-west.
The night was very clear and cold. Augustus had taken the
helm, and I stationed myself by the mast, on the deck of the
cuddy. We flew along at a great rate-neither of us having
said a word since casting loose from the wharf. I now asked
my companion what course he intended to steer, and what time
he thought it probable we should get back. He whistled for a
few minutes, and then said crustily, "1 am going to sea-you
may go home if you think proper." Turning my eyes upon
him, I perceived at once that, in spite of his assumed nonchalance,
he was greatly agitated. I could see him distinctly by the light
of the moon-his face was paler than any marble, and his hand
shook so excessively that he could scarcely retain hold of the
tiller. I found that something had gone wrong, and became
seriously alarmed.  At this period I knew little about the
management of a boat, and was now depending entirely upon
the nautical skill of my friend. The wind, too, had suddenly
itncreased, and we were fast getting out of the lee of the landstill I was ashamed to betray any trepidation, and for almost
half an hour maintained a resolute silence. I could stand it no
longer, however, and spoke to Augustus about the propriety of
turning back. As before, it was nearly a minute before he made
answer, or took any notice of my suggestion. " Ry-and-by," said
he at length-" time enough-home by-and-by." I had expected
such a reply, but there was something in the tone of these words
which filled me with an indescribable feeling of dread. I again
looked at the speaker attentively. His lips were perfectly livid,
and his knees shook so violently together, that he seemed
scarcely able to stand. " For God's sake, Augustus," I screamed,
now heartily frightened, " what ails you?-what is the matter?
-what are you going to do?" " Matter!" he stammered, in the
greatest apparent surprise, letting go the tiller at the same mo




16


NARRATIVE OF


inent, and falling forward into the bottom of the boat-" matter!
-why, nothing is the-matter-going home-d-d-don't you
see?" The whole truth now flashed upon me. I flew to him
and raised him up. He was drunk-beastly drunk-he could
no longer either stand, speak, or see. His eyes were perfectly
glazed; and as I let him go in the extremity of my despair, he
rolled like a mere log into the bilge-water from which I had
lifted him. It was evident that, during the evening, he had
drunk far more than I suspected, and that his conduct in bed had
been the result of a highly-concentrated state of intoxicationa state which, like madness, frequently enables the victim to imitate the outward demeanor of one in perfect possession of his
senses. The coolness of the night air, however, had had its usual
effect-the mental energy began to yield before its influenceand the confused perception which he no doubt then had of his
perilous situation had assisted in hastening the catastrophe.
He was now thoroughly insensible, and there was no probability
that he would be otherwise for many hours.
It is hardly possible to conceive the extremity of my terro-r.
The fumes of the wine lately taken had evaporated, leaving me
doubly timid and irresolute. I knew that I was altogether incapable of managing the boat, and that a fierce wind and strong
ebb tide were hurrying us to destruction. A storm was evidently gathering behind us; we had neither compass nor provisions; and it was clear that, if we held our present course, we
should be out of sight of land before daybreak. These thoughts,
with a crowd of others equally fearful, flashed through my mind
with a bewildering rapidity, and for some moments paralyzed
me beyond the possibility of making any exertion. The boat
was going through the water at a terrible rate-full before the
wind-no reef in either jib or mainsail-running her bows completely under the foam. It was a thousand wonders she did
not broach to-Augustus having let go the tiller, as I said before, and I being too much agitated to think of taking it myself
By good luck, however, she kept steady, and gradually I recovered some degree of preseence of mind. Still the wind was
increasing fearfully; and whenever we rose from a plunge fori. ard, the sea behind fell combing over our counter, and deluged





A. GORDON PYM.


17


us with water. I was so utterly benumbed, too, in every limb,
as to be nearly unconscious of sensation. At length 1 summoned up the resolution of despair, and rushing to the mainsail,
let it go by the run. As might have been expected, it flew over
the bows, and, getting drenched with water, carried away the
mast short off by the board. This latter accident alone saved
me from instant destruction. Under the jib only, I now boomed
along before the wind, shipping heavy seas occasionally, but
relieved from the terror of immediate death. I took the helm,
and breathed with greater freedom, as I found that there yet remained to us a chance of ultimate escape. Augustus still lay
senseless in the bottom of the boat; and as there was imminent
danger of his drowning (the water being nearly a foot deep
just where he fell), I contrived to raise him partially up, and
keep him in a sitting position, by passing a rope round his waist,
and lashing it to a ringbolt in the deck of the cuddy. Having
thus arranged everything as well as I could in my chilled and
agitated condition, I recommended myself to God, and made up
my mind to bear whatever might happen with all the fortitude
in my power.
Hardly had I came to this resolution, when, suddenly, a loud
and long scream or yell, as if from the throats of a thousand
demons, seemed to pervade the whole atmosphere around
and above the boat. Never while I live shall I forget the intense agony of terror I experienced at that moment. My hair
stood erect on my head-I felt the blood congealing in my veins
-my heart ceased utterly to beat, and without having once
raised my eyes to learn the source of my alarm, I tumbled
headlong and insensible upon the body of my fallen companion.
I found myself, upon reviving, in the cabin of a large whalingship (the Penguin) bound to Nantucket. Several persons were
standing over me, and Augustus, paler than death, was busily
occupied in chafing my hands. Upon seeing me open my eyes,
his exclamations of gratitude and joy excited alternate laughter
and tears from the rough-looking personages who were present.
The mystery of our being in existence was now soon explained.
We had been run down by the whaling-ship, which was close
VOL. IV.-2





18


NARRATIVE OF


hauled, beating up to Nantucket with every sail she could
venture to set, and consequently running almost at right angles
to our own course. Several men were on the look-out forward,
but did not perceive our boat until it was an impossibility to
avoid coming in contact-their shouts of warning upon seeing
us were what so terribly alarmed me. The huge ship, I was
told, rode immediately over us with as much ease as our own
little vessel would have passed over a feathery and without the
least perceptible impediment to her progress. Not a scream arose
from the deck of the victim-there was a slight grating sound
to be heard mingling with the roar of wind and water, as the
frail bark which was swallowed up rubbed for a moment along
the keel of her destroyer-but this was all. Thinking our boat
(which it will be remembered was dismasted) some mere shell
cut adrift as useless, the captain (Captain E. T. V. Block of
New London) was for proceeding on his course without troubling
himself further about the matter. Luckily, there were two of
the look-out who swore positively to having seen some person at
our helm, and represented the possibility of yet saving him. A
discussion ensued, when Block grew angry, and, after a while,
said that "it was no business of his to be eternally watching for
egg-shells; that the ship should not put about for any such
nonsense; and if there was a man run down, it was nobody's
fault but his own-he might drown and be d-d," or some
language to that effect. Henderson, the first mate, now took the
matter up, being justly indignant, as well as the whole ship's
crew, at a speech evincing such a degree of heartless atrocity.
He spoke plainly, seeing himself upheld by the men, told the
captain he considered him a fit subject for the gallows, and that
he would disobey his orders if he were hanged for it the moment
he set his foot on shore. He strode aft, jostling Block (who
turned very pale and made no answer) on one side, and seizing
the helm, gave the word, in a firm voice, Hard-a-lee!  The men
flew to their posts, and the ship went cleverly about. All this
had occupied nearly five minutes, and it was supposed to be
hardly within the bounds of possibility that any individual could
be saved-allowing any to have been on board the boat. Yet,
as tne reader has seen, both Augustus and myself were rescued;





A. GORDON PYM.


19


and our deliverance seemed to have been brought about by two
of those almost inconceivable pieces of good fortune which are
attributed by the wise and pious to the special interference of
Providence.
While the ship was yet in stays, the mate lowered the jolly.
boat and jumped into her with the very two men, I believe, who
spoke up as having seen me at the helm. They had just left the
lee of the vessel (the moon still shining brightly) when she made
a long and heavy roll to windward, and Henderson, at the same
moment, starting up in his seat, bawled out to his crew to back
water. He would say nothing else-repeating his cry impatiently,
back water! back water! The men put back as speedily as possible; but by this time the ship had gone round, and gotten fully
under headway, although all hands on board were making great
exertions to take in sail. In despite of the danger of the attempt,
the mate clung to the main-chains as soon as they came within
his reach. Another huge lurch now brought the starboard side
of the vessel out of water nearly as far as her keel, when the
cause of his anxiety was rendered obvious enough. The body
of a man was seen to be affixed in the most singular manner to
the smooth and shining bottom (the Penguin was coppered and
copper-fastened), and beating violently against it with every
movement of the hull. After several ineffectual efforts, made
during the lurches of the ship, and at the imminent risk of
swamping the boat, I was finally disengaged from my perilous
situation and taken on board-for the body proved to be my own.
It appeared that one of the timber-bolts having started and
broken a passage through the copper, it had arrested my progress
as I passed under the ship, and fastened me in so -extraordinary
a manner to her bottom. The head of the bolt had made its way
through the collar of the green baize jacket I had on, and through
the back part of my neck, forcing itself out between two sinews
and just below the right ear. I was immediately put to bedaithough life seemed to be totally extinct. There was no surgeon on board. The captain, however, treated me with every
attention-to make amends, I presume, in the eyes of his crew,
for his atrocious behavior in the previous portion of the adventure.
In the meantime, Henderson had again put off from the ship,





20


NARRATIVE OF


although the wind was now blowing almost a hurricane. He
had not been gone many minutes when he fell in with some fragments of our boat, and shortly afterwards one of the men with him
asserted that he could distinguish a cry for help at intervals amid
the roaring of the tempest. This induced the hardy seamen to
persevere in their search for more than half an hour, although
repeated signals to return were made them by Captain Block,
and although every moment on the water in so frail a boat was
fraught to them with the most imminent and deadly peril. Indeed, it is nearly impossible to conceive how the small jolly they
were in could have escaped destruction for a single instant. She
was built, however, for the whaling service, and was fitted, as I
have since had reason to believe, with air-boxes, in the manner
of some life-boats used on the coast of Wales.
After searching in vain for about the period of time just mentioned, it was determined to get back to the ship. They had
scarcely made this resolve when a feeble cry arose from a dark
object that floated rapidly by. They pursued and soon overtook
it. It proved to be the entire deck of the Ariel's cuddy. Augustus was struggling near it, apparently in the last agonies.
Upon getting hold of him it was found that he was attached by
a rope to the floating timber. This rope, it will be remembered,
I had myself tied round his waist, and made fast to a ringbolt,
for the purpose of keeping him in an upright position, and my so
doing, it appeared, had been ultimately the means of preserving
his life. The Ariel was slightly put together, and in going down
her frame naturally went to pieces; the deck of the cuddy, as
might have been expected, was lifted, by the force of the water
rushing in, entirely from the main timbers, and floated (with
other fragments, no doubt) to the surface-Augustus was buoyed
up with it, and thus escaped a terrible death.
It was more than an hour after being taken on board the Penguin before he could give any account of himself, or be made to
comprehend the nature of the accident which had befallen our
boat. At length he became thoroughly aroused, and spoke much
of his sensations while in the water. Upon his first attaining
any degree of consciousness, he found himself beneath the sur.
face, whirling round and round with inconceivable rapidity, and





A. GORDON PYM.


21


with a rope wound in three or four folds tightly about his neck.
In an instant afterwards he felt himself going rapidly upward,
when, his head striking violently against a hard substance, he
again relapsed into insensibility. Upon once more reviving he
was in fuller possession of his reason-this was still, however, in
the greatest degree clouded and confused. He now knew that
some accident had occurred, and that he was in the water, although
his mouth was above the surface, and he could breathe with some
freedom. Possibly, at this period, the deck was drifting rapidly
before the wind, and drawing him after it, as he floated upon his
back. Of course, as long as he could have retained this position,
it would have been nearly impossible that he should be drowned.
Presently a surge threw him directly athwart the deck; and this
post he endeavored to maintain, screaming at intervals for help.
Just before he was discovered by Mr. Henderson, he had been
obliged to relax his hold through exhaustion, and, falling into the
sea, had given himself up for lost. During the whole period of
his struggles he had not the faintest recollection of the Ariel, nor
of any matters in connection with the source of his disaster. A
vague feeling of terror and despair had taken entire possession
of his faculties. When he was finally picked up, every power
of his mind had failed him; and, as before said, it was nearly an
hour after getting on board the Penguin before he became fully
aware of his condition. In regard to myself-I was resuscitated
from a state bordering very nearly upon death (and after every
other means had been tried in vain for three hours and a half)
by vigorous friction with flannels bathed in hot oil-a proceeding
suggested by Augustus. The wound in my neck, although of an
ugly appearance, proved of little real consequence, and I soon
recovered from its effects.
The Penguin got into port about nine o'clock in the morning,
after encountering one of the severest gales ever experienced off
Nantucket. Both Augustus and myself managed to appear at
Mr. Barnard's in time for breakfast-which, luckily, was somewhat late, owing to the party over night. I suppose, all at the
table were too much fatigued themselves to notice our jaded appearance-of course, it would not have borne a very rigid scrutiny. Schoolboys, however, can accomplish wonders in the way





22


NARRATIVE OF


of deception, and I verily believe not one of our friends in Nantucket had the slightest suspicion that the terrible story told by
some sailors in town of their having run down a vessel at sea
and drowned some thirty or forty poor devils, had reference
either to the Ariel, my companion, or myself. We two have
since very frequently talked the matter over-but never without
a shudder. In one of our conversations Augustus frankly confessed to me, that in his whole life he had at no time experienced
so excruciating a sense of dismay, as when on board our little
boat he first discovered the extent of his intoxication, and felt
himself sinking beneath its influence.
CHAPTER II.
IN no affairs of mere prejudice, pro or con, do we deduce inferences with entire certainty, even from the most simple data.
It might be supposed that a catastrophe such as I have just
related would have effectually cooled my incipient passion for the
sea  On the contrary, I never experienced a more ardent longing for the wild adventures incident to the life of a navigator
than within a week after our miraculous deliverance. This
short period proved amply long enough to erase from my memory
the shadows, and bring out in vivid light all the pleasurably ex
citing points of color, all the picturesqueness of the late perilous
accident. My conversations with Augustus grew daily more
frequent and more intensely full of interest. He had a manner
of relating his stories of the ocean (more than one-half of which
I now suspect to have been sheer fabrications) well adapted to
have weight with one of my enthusiastic temperament, and somewhat gloomy, although glowing imagination. It is strange, too,
that he most strongly enlisted my feelings in behalf of the life of
a seaman, when he depicted his more terrible moments of suffering and despair. For the bright side of the painting I had a
limited sympathy. My visions were of shipwreck and famine;
of death or captivity among barbarian hordes; of a lifetime
dragged out in sorrow and tears, upon some gray and desolavw





A. GORDON PYM.


23


rock, in an ocean unapproachable and unknown. Such visions
or desires-for they amounted to desires-are common, I have
since been assured, to the whole numerous race of the melancholy
among men-at the time of which I speak I regarded them only
as prophetic glimpses of a destiny which I felt myself in a
measure bound to fulfil. Augustus thoroughly entered into my
state of mind. It is probable, indeed, that our intimate communion had resulted in a partial interchange of character.
About eighteen months after the period of the Ariel's disaster,
the firm of Lloyd and Vredenburgh (a house connected in some
manner with the Messieurs. Enderby, Ibelieve, of Liverpool) were
engaged in repairing and fitting out the brig Grampus for a
whaling voyage. She was an old hulk, and scarcely seaworthy
when all was done to her that could be done. I hardly know
why she was chosen in preference to other and good vessels belonging to the same owners-but so it was. Mr. Barnard was
appointed to command her, and Augustus was going with him.
While the brig was getting ready, he frequently urged upon me
the excellency of the opportunity now offered for indulging my
desire of travel. He found me by no means an unwilling listener-yet the matter could not be so easily arranged. My father
made no direct opposition; but my mother went into hysterics at
the bare mention of the design; and, more than all, my grandfather, from whom I expected much, vowed to cut me off with a
shilling if I should ever broach the subject to him again. These
difficulties, however, so far from abating my desire, only added
fuel to the flame. I determined to go at all hazards; and, having
made known my intention to Augustus, we set about arranging a
plan by which it might be accomplished. In the meantime I
forbore speaking to any of my relations in regard to the voyage,
and, as I busied myself ostensibly with my usual studies, it was
supposed that I had abandoned the design. I have since frequently examined my conduct on this occasion with sentiments of
displeasure as well as of surprise. The intense hypocrisy I made
use of for the furtherance of my project-an hypocrisy pervading
every word and action of my life for so long a period of timecould only have been rendered tolerable to myself by the wild





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NARRATIVE OF


and burning expectatioh with which I looked forward to the ful
filment of my long-cherished visions of travel.
In pursuance of my scheme of deception, I was necessarily
obliged to leave much to the management of Augustus, who was
employed for the greater part of every day on board the Gram.
pus, attending to some arrangements for his father in the cabin
and cabin hold. At night, however, we were sure to have a
conference, and talk over our hopes. After nearly a month
passed in this manner, without our hitting upon any plan we
thought likely to succeed, he told me at last that he had determined upon everything necessary. I had a relation living in
New Bedford, a Mr. Ross, at whose house I was in the habit of
spending occasionally two or three weeks at a time. The brig
was to sail about the middle of June (June, 1827), and it was
agreed that, a day or two before her putting to sea, my father
was to receive a note, as usual, from Mr. Ross, asking me to
come over and spend a fortnight with Robert and Emmet (his
sons). Augustus charged himself with the inditing of this note
and getting it delivered. Having set out, as supposed, for New
Bedford, I was then to report myself to my companion, who
would contrive a hiding-place for me in the Grampus. This
hiding-place, he assured me, would be rendered sufficiently comfortable for a residence of many days, during which I was not to
make my appearance. When the brig had proceeded so far on
her course as to make any turning back a matter out of question,
I should then, he said, be formally installed in all the comforts of
the cabin; and as to his father, he would only laugh heartily at
the joke. Vessels enough would be met with by which a letter
might be sent home explaining the adventure to my parents.
The middle of June at length arrived, and everything had been
matured. The note was written and delivered, and on a Monday
morning I left the house for the New Bedford packet, as supposed. I went, however, straight to Augustus, who was waiting
for me at the corner of a street. It had been our original plan
that I should keep out of the way until dark, and then slid on
board the brig; but, as there was now a thick fog in our favor, it
was agreed to lose no time in secreting me. Augustus led the
way to the wharf, and I followed at a little distance, enveloped in





A. GORDON PYM.


25


a thick seaman's cloak, which he had brought with him, so that
my person might not be easily recognized. Just as we turned
the second corner, after passing Mr. Edmund's well, who should
appear, standing right in front of me, and looking me full in the
face, but old Mr. Peterson, my grandfather.  Why, bless my
soul, Gordon," said he, after a long pause, "why, why,-wliose
dirty cloak is that you have on?" " Sir!" I replied, assuming,
as well as I could, in the exigency of the moment, an air of offended surprise, and talking in the gruffest of all imaginable
tones-" sir! you are a sum'mat mistaken-my name, in the first
place, bee'nt nothing at all like Goddin, and I'd want you for to
know better, you blackguard, than to call my new obercoat a
darty one." For my life I could hardly refrain from screaming
with laughter at the odd manner in which the old gentleman received this handsome rebuke. He started back two or three
steps, turned first pale and then excessively red, threw up his
spectacles, then, putting them down, ran full tilt at me, with his
umbrella uplifted. He stopped short, however, in his career, as
if struck with a sudden recollection; and presently, turning
round, hobbled off down the street, shaking all the while with
rage, and muttering between his teeth, " Won't do-new glasses-thought it was Gordon-d-d good-for-nothing salt water
Long Tom."
After this narrow escape we proceeded with greater caution,
and arrived at our point of destination in safety. There were
only one or two of the hands on board, and these were busy forward, doing something to the forecastle combings. Captain
Barnard, we knew very well, was engaged at Lloyd and Vredenburgh's, and would remain there until late in the evening, so we
had little to apprehend on his account. Augustus went first up
the vessel's side, and in a short while I followed him, without
being noticed by the men at work. We proceeded at once into
the cabin, and found no person there. It was fitted up in the
most comfortable style-a thing somewhat unusual in a whalingvessel. There were four very excellent state-rooms, with wide
and convenient berths. There was also a large stove, I took
notice, and a remarkably thick and valuable carpet covering the
floor of both the cabin and state-rooms. The ceiling was full





26


NARRATIVE OF


seven feet high, and, in short, everything appeared of a morte
roomy and agreeable nature than I had anticipated. Augustus,
however, would allow me but little time for observation, insisting
upon the necessity of my concealing myself as soon as possible.
He led the way into his own state-room, which was on the starboard side of the brig, and next to the bulkheads. Upon enter
ing, he closed the door and bolted it. I thought I had never
seen a nicer little room than the one in which I now found myself. It was about ten feet long, and had only one berth, which,
as I said before, was wide and convenient. In that portion of
the closet nearest the bulkheads there was a space of four feet
square, containing a table, a chair, and a set of hanging shelves
full of books, chiefly books of voyages and travels. There were
many other little comforts in the room, among which I ought not
to forget a kind of safe or refrigerator, in which Augustus pointed
out to me a host of delicacies, both in the eating and drinking
department.
He now pressed with his knuckles upon a certain spot of the
carpet in one corner of the space just mentioned, letting me
know that a portion of the flooring, about sixteen inches square,
had been neatly cut out and again adjusted. As he pressed, this
portion rose up at one end sufficiently to allow the passage of his
finger beneath. In this manner he raised the mouth of the trap
(to which the carpet was still fastened by tacks), and I found
that it led into the after hold. He next lit a small taper by
means of a phosphorus match, and, placing the light in a dark
lantern, descended with it through the opening, bidding me
follow. I did so, and he then pulled the cover upon the hole,
by means of a nail driven into the under side-the carpet, of
course, resuming its original position on the floor of the stateroom, and all traces of the aperture being concealed.
The taper gave out so feeble a ray that it was with the
greatest difficulty I could grope my way through the confused
mass of lumber among which I now found myself. By degrees,
however, my eyes became accustomed to the gloom, and I proceeded with less trouble, holding on to the skirts of my friend's
e(at. IHe brought me, at length, after creeping and winding
through innumerable narrow passages, to an iron-boundbox, such





A. GORDON PYM.


27y


as is used sometimes for packing fine earthenware. It was
nearly four feet high, and full six long, but very narrow.
Two large empty oil-casks lay on the top of it, and above these,
again, a vast quantity of straw matting, piled up as high as the
floor of the cabin. In every other direction around was wedged
as closely as possible, even up to the ceiling, a complete chaos
of almost every species of ship-furniture, together with a heterogeneous medley of crates, hampers, barrels, and bales, so that it
seemed a matter no less than miraculous that we had discovered
any passage at all to the box. I afterward found that Augustus
had purposely arranged the stowage in this hold with a view to
affording me a thorough concealment, having had only one
assistant in the labor, a man not going out in the brig.
My companion now showed me that one of the ends of the
box could be removed at pleasure. He slipped it aside and
displayed the interior, at which I was excessively amused. A
mattress from one of the cabin berths covered the whole of its
bottom, and it contained almost every article of mere comfort
which could be crowded into so small a space, allowing me, at
the same time, sufficient room for my accommodation, either
in a sitting position or lying at full length. Among other things,
there were some books, pen, ink, and paper, three blankets, a
large jug full of water, a keg of sea-biscuit, three or four immense Bologna sausages, an enormous ham, a cold leg of roast
mutton, and half a dozen bottles of cordials and liqueurs. I
proceeded immediately to take possession of my little apartment,
and this with feelings of higher satisfaction, I am sure, than any
monarch ever experienced upon entering a new palace. Augustus now pointed out to me the method of fastening the open end
of the box, and then, holding the taper close to the deck, showed
me a piece of dark whipcord lying along it. This, he said,
extended from my hiding-place throughout all the necessary
windings among the lumber, to a nail which was driven into the
deck of the hold, immediately beneath the trapdoor leading into
his state-room.  By means of this cord I should be enabled
readily to trace my way out without his guidance, provided any
unlooked-for accident should render such a step necessary  lIe
now took his departure, leaving with me the lantern, together





NARRATIVE OF


with a copious supply of tapers and phosphorus, and promising
to pay me a visit as often as he could contrive to do so without
observation. This was on the seventeenth of June.
I remained three days and nights (as nearly as I could guess)
in my hiding-place without getting out of it at all, except twice for
the purpose of stretching my limbs by standing erect between two
crates just opposite the opening. During the whole period I saw
nothing of Augustus; but this occasioned me little uneasiness,
as I knew the brig was expected to put to sea every hour, and
in the bustle he would not easily find opportunities of coming
down to me. At length I heard the trap open and shut, and
presently he called in a low voice, asking if all was well, and if
there was anything I wanted. " Nothing," I replied; " I am as
comfortable as can be; when will the brig sail?" " She will be
under weigh in less than half an hour," he answered. " I came
to let you know, and for fear you should be uneasy at my absence. I shall not have a chance of coming down again for
some time-perhaps for three or four days more. All is going
on right aboveboard. After I go up and close the trap, do you
creep along by the whipcord to where the nail is driven in. You
will find my watch there-it may be useful to you, as you have
no daylight to keep time by. I suppose you can't tell how long
you have been buried-only three days-this is the twentieth.
I would bring the watch to your box, but am afraid of being
missed." With this he went up.
In about an hour after he had gone I distinctly felt the brig
in motion, and congratulated myself upon having at length
fairly commenced a voyage. Satisfied with this idea, I determined to make my mind as easy as possible, and await the
course of events until I should be permitted to exchange the
box for the more roomy, although hardly more comfortable, ac.
commodations of the cabin. My first care was to get the watch.
Leaving the taper burning, I groped along in the dark, following
the cord through windings innumerable, in some of which I
discovered that, after toiling a long distance, I was brought back
within a foot or two of a former position. At length I reached
the nail, and securing the object of my journey, returned with it
in safety. I now looked over the books which had been so





A. GORDON PYM.


9


thoughtfully provided, and selected the expedition of Lewis and
Clarke to the mouth of the Columbia. With this I amused
myself for some time, when growing sleepy, I extinguished the
light with great care, and soon fell into a sound slumber.
Upon awaking I felt strangely confused in mind, and some
time elapsed before I could bring to recollection all the various
circumstances of my situation.  By degrees, however, "I remembered all. Striking a light, I looked at the watch; but it
was run down, and there were, consequently, no means of determining how long I had slept. My limbs were greatly cramped,
and I was forced to relieve them by standing between the crates.
Presently feeling an almost ravenous appetite, I bethought myself of the cold mutton, some of which I had eaten just before
going to sleep, and found excellent. What was my astonishment at discovering it to be in a state of absolute putrefaction!
This circumstance occasioned me great disquietude; for, connecting it with the disorder of mind I experienced upon awaking, I began to suppose that I must have slept for an inordinately
long period of time. The close atmosphere of the hold might
have had something to do with this, and might, in the end, be
productive of the most serious results. My head ached excessively; I fancied that I drew every breath with difficulty; and,
in short, I was oppressed with a multitude of gloomy feelings.
Still I could not venture to make any disturbance by opening
the trap or otherwise, and, having wound up the watch, contented myself as well as possible.
Throughout the whole of the next tedious twenty-four hours
no person came to my relief, and I could not help accusing
Augustus of the grossest inattention. What alarmed me chiefly
was, that the water in my jug was reduced to about half a pint,
and I was suffering much from thirst, having eaten freely of
the Bologna sausages after the loss of my mutton. I became
very uneasy, and could no longer take any interest in my books.
I was overpowered, too, with a desire to sleep, yet trembled at
the thought of indulging it, lest there might exist some pernicious influence, like that of burning charcoal, in the confined air
of the hold. In the meantime the roll of the brig told me that
we were far in the main ocean, and a dull humming sound,





30


NARRATIVE OF


which reached my ears as if from an immense distance, convinced me no ordinary gale was blowing. I could not imagine
a reason for the absence of Augustus.  We were surely far
enough advanced on our voyage to allow of my going up.
Some accident might have happened to him-but I could think of
none which would account for his suffering me to remain so long
a prisoner, except, indeed, his having suddenly died or fallen
overboard, and upon this idea I could not dwell with any degree
of patience. It was possible that we had been baffled by head
winds, and were still in the near vicinity of Nantucket. This
notion, however, I was forced to abandon; for such being the
case, the brig must have frequently gone about; and I was entirely satisfied, from her continual inclination to the larboard,
that she had been sailing all along with a steady breeze on her
starboard quarter. Besides, granting that we were still in the
neighborhood of the island, why should not Augustus have visited me and informed me of the circumstance?  Pondering in
this manner upon the difficulties of my solitary and cheerless
condition, I resolved to wait yet another twenty-four hours, when,
if no relief were obtained, I would make my way to the trap, and
endeavor either to hold a parley with my friend, or get at least a
little fresh air through the opening, and a further supply of water
from his stateroom. While occupied with this thought, however,
I fell, in spite of every exertion to the contrary, into a state of
profound sleep, or rather stupor. My dreams were of the most
terrific description. Every species of calamity and horror befell
me. Among other miseries, I was smothered to death between
huge pillows, by demons of the most ghastly and ferocious
aspect. Immense serpents held me in their embrace, and looked
earnestly in my face with their fearfully shining eyes. Then
deserts, limitless, and of the most forlorn and awe-inspiring character, spread themselves out before me. Immensely tall trunks
of trees, gray and leafless, rose up in endless succession as far as
the eye could reach.  Their roots were concealed in widespreading morasses, whose dreary water lay intensely black, still,
and altogether terrible, beneath. And the strange trees seemed
endowed with a human vitality, and waving to and fro their skeleton arms, were crying to the silent waters for mercy, in the





A. GORDON PYM.                   31
shrill and piercing accents of the most acute agony and despair.
The scene changed; and I stood, naked and alone, amid the
burning sand-plains of Zahara. At my feet lay crouched a fierce
lion of the tropics. Suddenly his wild eyes opened and fell
upon me. With a convulsive bound he sprang to his feet, and
laid bare his horrible teeth. In another instant there burst from
his red throat a roar like the thunder of the firmament, and I
fell impetuously to the earth. Stifling in a paroxysm of terror,
I at last found myself partially awake. My dream, then, was
not all a dream. Now, at least, I was in possession of my senses.
The paws of some huge and real monster were pressing heavily
upon my bosom-his hot breath was in my ear-and his white
and ghastly fangs were gleaming upon me through the gloom.
Had a thousand lives hung upon the movement of a limb or
the utterance of a syllable, I could have neither stirred nor
spoken. The beast, whatever it was, retained his position without attempting any immediate violence, while I lay in an utterly
helpless, and, I fancied, a dying condition beneath him. I felt that
my powers of body and mind were fast leaving me-in a word, that
I was perishing, and perishing of sheer fright. My brain swamI grew deadly sick-my vision failed-even the glaring eyeballs
above me grew dim. Making a last strong effort, I at length
breathed a faint ejaculation to God, and resigned myself to die.
The sound of my voice seemed to arouse all the latent fury of
the animal. He precipitated himself at full length upon my
body; but what was my astonishment, when, with a long and
low whine, he commenced licking my face and hands with the
greatest eagerness, and with the most extravagant demonstrations of affection and joy! I was bewildered, utterly lost in
amazement-but I could not forget the peculiar whine of my
Newfoundland dog Tiger, and the odd manner of his caresses I
well knew. It was he. I experienced a sudden rush of blood
to my temples-a giddy and overpowering sense of deliverance
and reanimation. I rose hurriedly from the mattress upon which
1 had been lying, and, throwing myself upon the neck of my
fa.ithful follower and friend, relieved the long oppression of my
bosom in a flood of the most passionate tears.
As upon a former occasion, my conceptions were in a state





32


NARRATIVE OF


of the greatest indistinctness and confusion after leaving the
mattress. For a long time I found it nearly impossible to connect any ideas; but, by very slow degrees, my thinking faculties
returned, and I again called to memory the several incidents of
my condition. For the presence of Tiger I tried in vain to account; and after busying myself with a thousand different conjectures respecting him, was forced to content myself with rejoicing that he was with me to share my dreary solitude, and
render me comfort by his caresses. Most people love their
dogs, but for Tiger I had an affection far more ardent than common; and never, certainly, did any creature more truly deserve
it. For seven years he had been my inseparable companion,
and in a multitude of instances had given evidence of all the
noble qualities for which we value the animal. I had rescued
him, when a puppy, from the clutches of a malignant little villain in Nantucket, who was leading him, with a rope around his
neck, to the water; and the grown dog repaid the obligation,
about three years afterward, by saving me from the bludgeon of
a street robber.
Getting now hold of the watch, I found, upon applying it to
my ear, that it had again run down; but at this I was not at all
surprised, being convinced, from the peculiar state of my feelings, that I had slept, as before, for a very long period of time;
how long, it was of course impossible to say. I was burning up
with fever, and my thirst was almost intolerable. I felt about
the box for my little remaining supply of water, for I had no
light, the taper having burnt to the socket of the lantern, and
the phosphorus-box not coming readily to hand. Upon finding
the jug, however, I discovered it to be empty-Tiger, no doubt,
having been tempted to drink it, as well as to devour the remnant of mutton, the bone of which lay, well picked, by the opening of the box. The spoiled meat I could well spare, but my
heart sank as I thought of the water. I was feeble in the extreme, so much so that I shook all over, as with an ague, at the
slightest movement or exertion. To add to my troubles, the brig
was pitching and rolling with great violence, and the oil-casks
which lay upon my box were in momentary danger of falling
down, so as to block up the only way of ingress or egress. I





A. GORDON PYM.


33


felt, also, terrible sufferings from sea-sickness. These considerations determined me to make my way, at all hazards, to the
trap, and obtain immediate relief, before I should be incapacitated from doing so altogether. Having come to this resolve, I
again felt about for the phosphorus-box and tapers. The former
I found after some little trouble; but, not discovering the tapers
as soon as I had expected (for I remembered very nearly the
spot in which I had placed them), I gave up the search for the
present, and bidding Tiger lie quiet, began at once my journey
towards the trap.
In this attempt my great feebleness became more than ever
apparent. It was with the utmost difficulty I could crawl along
at all, and very frequently my limbs sank suddenly from beneath me; when, falling prostrate on my face, I would remain
for some minutes in a state bordering on insensibility. Still I
struggled forward by slow degrees, dreading every moment that
I should swoon amid the narrow and intricate windings of the
lumber, in which event I had nothing but death to expect as the
result. At length, upon making a push forward with all the
energy I could command, I struck my forehead violently against
the sharp corner of an iron-bound crate. The accident only
stunned me for a few moments; but I found, to my inexpressible
grief, that the quick and violent roll of the vessel had thrown
the crate entirely across my path, so as effectually to block up
the passage. With my utmost exertions I could not move it a
single inch from its position, it being closely wedged in among
the surrounding boxes and ship-furniture. It became necessary,
therefore, enfeebled as I was, either to leave the guidance of the
whipcord and seek out a new passage, or to climb over the
obstacle, and resume the path on the other side. The former
alternative presented too many difficulties and dangers to be
thought of without a shudder. In my present weak state of both
mind and body, I should infallibly lose my way if I attempted
it, and perish miserably amid the dismal and disgusting labyrinths of the hold. I proceeded, therefore, without hesitation,
to summon up all my remaining strength and fortitude, and endeavbr, as I best might, to clamber over the crate.
Upon standing erect, with this end in view, I found the un
V oL. IV.-3





o4


NARRATIVE OF


dertaking even a more serious task than my fears had led me
to imagine. On each side of the narrow passage arose a complete wall of various heavy lumber, which the least blunder on
my part might be the means of bringing down upon my head;
or, if this accident did not occur, the path might be effectually
blocked up against my return by the descending mass, as it was
in front by the obstacle there. The crate itself was a long and
unwieldy box, upon which no foothold could be obtained. In
vain I attempted, by every means in my power, to reach the
top, with the hope of being thus enabled to draw myself up.
Had I succeeded in reaching it, it is certain that my strength
would have proved utterly inadequate to the task of getting
over, and it was better in every respect that I failed. At length,
in a desperate effort to force the crate from its ground, I felt a
strong vibration in the side next me. I thrust my hand eagerly
to the edge of the planks, and found that a very large one was
loose. With my pocket-knife which, luckily, I had with me, I
succeeded, after great labor, in prying it entirely off; and, getting through the aperture, discovered, to my exceeding joy, that
there were no boards on the opposite side-in other words, that
the top was wanting, it being the bottom through which I had
forced my way. I now met with no important difficulty in proceeding along the line until I finally reached the nail. With a
beating heart I stood erect, and with a gentle touch pressed
against the cover of the trap. It did not rise as soon as I had
expected, and I pressed it with somewhat more determination,
still dreading lest some other person than Augustus might be
in his state-room. The door, however, to my astonishment, remained steady, and I became somewhat uneasy, for I knew that
it had formerly required little or no effort to remove it. I pushed it strongly-it was nevertheless firm: with all my strengthit still did not give way: with rage, with fury, with despair-it
set at defiance my utmost efforts; and it was evident, from the
unyielding nature of the resistance, that the hole had either
been discovered and effectually nailed up, or that some immense
weight had been placed upon it, which it was useless to think of
removing.
My sensations were th)se of extreme horror and disln:. In





A. GORDON PYM.


35


vain I attempted to reason on the probable cause of my being
thus entombed. I could summon up no connected chain of reflection, and, sinking on the floor, gave way, unresistingly, to.the
most gloomy imaginings, in which the dreadful deaths of thirst,
famine, suffocation, and premature interment, crowded upon me
as the prominent disasters to be encountered. At length there
returned to me some portion of presence of mind. I arose, and
felt with my fingers for the seams or cracks of the aperture.
Having found them, I examined them closely to ascertain if
they emitted any light from the state-room; but none was visible. I then forced the pen-blade of my knife through them, until
I met with some hard obstacle. Scraping against it, I discovered
it to be a solid mass of iron, which, from its peculiar wavy feel
as I passed the blade along it, I concluded to be a chain-cable.
The only course now left me was to retrace my way to the box,
and there either yield to my sad fate, or try so to tranquilize
my mind as to admit of my arranging some plan of escape. I
immediately set about the attempt, and succeeded, after innumerable difficulties, in getting back. As I sank, utterly exhausted, upon the mattress, Tiger threw himself at full length
by my side, and seemed as if desirous, by his caresses, of consoling me in my troubles, and urging me to bear them with fortitude.
The singularity of his behavior at length forcibly arrested
my attention. After licking my face and hands for some minutes, he would suddenly cease doing so, and utter a low whine.
Upon reaching out my hand towards him, I then invarably found
himn lying on his back,.with his paws uplifted. This conduct, so
frequently repeated, appeared strange, and I could in no manner
account fbr it. As the dog seemed distressed, I concluded that
he had received some injury; and, taking his paws in my hands,
I examined them one by one, but found no sign of any hurt. I
then supposed him hungry, and gave him a large piece of ham,
which he devoured with avidity-afterward, however, resuming
his extraordinary manoeuvres. I now imagined that he was
suff'ering, like myself; the torments of thirst, and was about
adopting this conclusion as the true one, when the idea occurred
to ime that I had as yet only examined hIis paiws, and that there





NARRATIVE OF


might possibly be a wound upon some portion of his body or head.
The latter I felt carefully over, but found nothing. On passing
my hand, however, along his back, I perceived a slight erection
of the hair extending completely across it. Probing this with
my finger, I discovered a string, and tracing it up, found that it
encircled the whole body.  Upon a closer scrutiny, I came
across a small slip of what had the feeling of letter paper,
through which the string had been fastened in such a manner as
to bring it immediately beneath the left shoulder of the animal.
CHAPTER III.
THE thought instantly occurred to me that the paper was a
note from Augustus, and that some unaccountable accident having
happened to prevent his relieving me from my dungeon, he had
devised this method of acquainting me with the true state of
affairs. Trembling with eagerness, I now commenced another
search for my phosphorus matches and tapers. I had a confused
recollection of having put them carefully away just before falling
asleep; and, indeed, previously to my last journey to the trap, I
had been able to remember the exact spot where I had deposited
them. But now I endeavored in vain to call it to mind, and
busied myself for a full hour in a fruitless and vexatious search
for the missing articles; never, surely, was there a more tantalizing state of anxiety and suspense. At length, while groping
about, with my head close to the ballast, near the opening of the
box, and outside of it, I perceived a faint glimmering of light in
the direction of the steerage. Greatly surprised, I endeavored
to make my way towards it, as it appeared to be but a few feet
from my position. Scarcely had I moved with this intention,
when I lost sight of the glimmer entirely, and, before I could
bring it into view again, was obliged to feel along by the box
until I had exactly resumed my original situation.  Now,
moving my head with caution to and flro, I found that, by proceeding slowly, with great care, in an opposite direction to that
in which I had at first started, I was enabled to driaw near the





A. GORDON PYM.


37


olght, still keeping it in view. Presently I came directly upon
it (having squeezed my way through innumerable narrow windings), and found that it proceeded from some fragments of my
matches lying in an empty barrel turned upon its side. I was
wondering how they came in such a place, when my hand fell
upon twc or three pieces of taperwax, which had been evidently
mumbled by the dog. I concluded at once that he had devoured
the whole of my supply of candles, and I felt hopeless of being
ever able to read the note of Augustus. The small remnants of
the wax were so mashed up among other rubbish in the barrel,
that I despaired of deriving any service from them, and left them
as they were. The phosphorus, of which there was only a speck
or two, I gathered up as well as I could, and returned with it,
after much difficulty, to my box, where Tiger had all the while
remained.
What to do next I could not tell. The hold was so intensely
dark that I could not see my hand, however close I would hold
it to my face. The white slip of paper could barely be discerned,
and not even that when I looked at it directly; by turning the
exterior portions of the retina towards it, that is to say, by surveying it slightly askance, I found that it became in some
measure perceptible. Thus the gloom of my prison may be imagined, and the note of my friend, if indeed it were a note from
him, seemed only likely to throw me into further trouble, by
disquieting to no purpose my already enfeebled and agitated
mind. In vain I revolved in my brain a multitude of absurd
expedients for procuring light-such expedients precisely as
a man in the perturbed sleep occasioned by opium would be
apt to fall upon for a similar purpose-each and all of which
appear by turns to the dreamer the most reasonable and the
most preposterous of conceptions, just as the reasoning or
imaginative faculties flicker, alternately, one above the other.
At last an idea occurred to me which seemed rational, and which
gave me cause to wonder, very justly, that I had not entertained
it before.. I placed the slip of paper on the back of a book, and,
collecting the fragments of the phosphorus matches which I had
brought -from the barrel, laid them together upon the paper.  I
then, with the palm of my hand, rubbed the whole over quickly,





38


NARRATIVE OF


yet steadily. A clear light diffused itself immediately throughout
the whole surface; and had there been any writing upon it, I
should not have experienced the least difficulty, I am sure, in
reading it. Not a syllable was there, however-nothing but a
dreary and unsatisfactory blank; the illumination died away in
a few seconds, and my heart died away within me as it went.
I have before stated more than once that my intellect, for some
period prior to this, had been in a condition nearly bordering on
idiocy. There were, to be sure, momentary intervals of perfect
sanity, and, now and then, even of energy; but these were few.
It must be remembered that I had been, for many days certainly, inhaling the almost pestilential atmosphere of a close hole in
a whaling vessel, and a long portion of that time but scantily
supplied with water. For the last fourteen or fifteen hours I had
none-nor had I slept during that time. Salt provisions of the
most exciting kind had been my chief, and, indeed, since the loss
of the mutton, my only supply of food, with the exception of the
sea-biscuit; and these latter were utterly useless to me, as they
were too dryand hard to be swallowed in the swollen and parched
condition of my throat. I was now in a high state of fever, and
in every respect exceedingly ill. This will account for the fact
that many miserable hours of despondency elapsed after my last
adventure with the phosphorus, before the thought suggested itself that I had examined only one side of the paper. I shall
not attempt to describe my feelings of rage (for I believe I was
more angry than anything else) when the egregious oversight I
had committed flashed suddenly upon my perception.    The
blunder itself would have been unimportant, had not my own
folly and impetuosity rendered it otherwise-in my disappoint.
ment at not finding some words upon the slip, I had childishly
torn it in pieces and thrown it away, it was impossible to say where.
From the worst part of this dilemma I was relieved by the
sagacity of Tiger. Having got, after a long search, a small
piece of the note, I put it to the dog's nose, and endeavored to
make him understand that he must bring me the rest of it. To
my astonishment, (for I had taught him none of the usual tricks
for which his breed are famous), he seemed to enter at once into
my meaning, and, rummaging about for a few moments, soon





A. GORDON PYM.


39


found another considerable portion. Bringing me this, he paused
a while, and, rubbing his nose against my hand, appeared to be
waiting for my approval of what he had done. I patted him on
the head, when he immediately made off again. It was now
some minutes before he came back-but when he did come, he
brought with him a large slip, which proved to be all the paper
missing-it having been torn, it seems, only into three pieces.
Luckily, I had no trouble in finding what few fragments of the
phosphorus were left-being guided by the indistinct glow one
or two of the particles still emitted. My difficulties had taught
me the necessity of caution, and I now took time to reflect upon
what I was about to do. It was very probable, I considered,
that some words were written upon that side of the paper which
had not been examined-but which side was that? Fitting the
pieces together gave me no clue in this respect, although it
assured me that the words (if there were any) would be found
all on one side, and connected in a proper manner, as written.
There was the greater necessity of ascertaining the point in
question beyond a doubt, as the phosphorus remaining would be
altogether insufficient for a third attempt, should I fail in the
one I was now about to make. I placed the paper on a book as
before, and sat for some minutes thoughtfully revolving the matter over in my mind. At last I thought it barely possible that
the written side might have some unevenness on its surface,
which a delicate sense of feeling might enable me to detect. I
determined to make the experiment, and passed my finger very
carefully over the side which first presented itself-nothing, however, was perceptible, and I turned the paper, adjusting it on
the book. I now again carried my forefinger cautiously along,
when I was aware of an exceedingly slight, but still discernible
glow, which followed as it proceeded. This, I knew, must arise
from some very minute remaining particles of the phosphorus
with which I had covered the paper in my previous attempt.
The other, or under side, then, was that on which lay the writing,
if writing there should finally prove to be. Again I turned the
note, and went to work as I had previously done. Having
rubbed in the phosphorus, a brilliancy ensued as before-but
this time several lines of MS. in a large hand, and apparently





40


NARRATIVE OF


in red ink, became distinctly visible. The glimmer, although
sufficiently bright, was but momentary. Still, had I not been
too greatly excited, there would have been ample time enough
for me to peruse the whole three sentences before me-for I
saw there were three. In my anxiety, however, to read all at
once, I succeeded only in reading the seven concluding words,
which thus appeared-" blood-your life depends upon lying
close."
Had I been able to ascertain the entire contents of the note--
the full meaning of the admonition which my friend had thus
attempted to convey, that admonition, even although it should
have revealed a story of disaster the most unspeakable, could
not, I am firmly convinced, have imbued my mind with one tithe
of the -harrowing and yet indefinable horror with which I was
inspired by the fragmentary warning thus received. And " blood,"
too, that word of all words-so rife at all times with mystery,
and suffering, and terror-how trebly full of import did it now
appear-how chillily and heavily (disjointed, as it thus was, from
any foregoing words to qualify or render it distinct) did its vague
syllables fall, amid the deep gloom of my prison, into the innermost recesses of my soul!
Augustus had, undoubtedly, good reasons for wishing me to
remain concealed, and I formed a thousand surmises as to what
they could be-but I could think of nothing affording a satisfactory solution of the mystery. Just after returning from my
last journey to the trap, and before my attention had been otherwise directed by the singular conduct of Tiger, I had come to
the resolution of making myself heard at all events by those on
board, or, if I could not succeed in this directly, of trying to cut
my way through the orlop deck. The half certainty which I
felt of being able to accomplish one of these two purposes in the
last emergency, had given me courage (which I should not otherwise have had) to endure the evils of my situation. The few
words I had been able to read, however, had cut me off from
these final resources, and I now, for the first time, felt all the
c.isery of my fate. In a paroxysm of despair I threw myself
~gain upon the mattress, where, for about the period of a day





A. GORDON PYM.


41


and night, I lay in a kind of stupor, relieved only by momentary
intervals of reason and recollection.
At length I once more arose, and busied myself in reflection
upon the horrors which encompassed me. For another twentyfour hours it was barely possible that I might exist without
water-for a longer time I could not do so. During the first
portion of my imprisonment I had made free use of the cordials
with which Augustus had supplied me, but they only served to
excite fever, without in the least degree assuaging my thirst. I
had now only.about a gill left, and this was of a species of
strong peach liqueur at which my stomach revolted. The sausages were entirely consumed; of the ham nothing remained
but a small piece of the skin; and all the biscuit, except a few
fragments of one, had been eaten by Tiger. To add to my
troubles, I found that my headache was increasing momentarily,
and with it the species of delirium which had distressed me more
or less since my first falling asleep. For some hours past it had
been with the greatest difficulty I could breathe at all, and now
each attempt at so doing was attended with the most distressing
spasmodic action of the chest. But there was still another and
very different source of disquietude, and one, indeed, whose
harassing terrors had been the chief means of arousing me to
exertion from my stupor on the mattress. It arose from the demeanor of the dog.
I first observed an alteration in his conduct while rubbing in
the phosphorus on the paper in my last attempt. As I rubbed,
he ran his nose against my hand with a slight snarl; but I was
too greatly excited at the time to pay much attention to the circumstance.  Soon afterward, it will be remembered, I threw
myself on the mattress, and fell into a species of lethargy. Presently I became aware of a singular hissing sound close at my
ears, and discovered it to proceed from Tiger, who was panting
and wheezing in a state of the greatest apparent excitement, his
eyeballs flashing fiercely through the gloom. I spoke to him,
when he replied with a low growl, and then remained quiet.
Presently I relapsed into my stupor, from which I was again
awakened in a similar manner. This was repeated three or four
times, until finally his behavior inspired me with so great a de




NARRATIVE OF


gree of fear, that I became fully aroused. He was now lying
close by the door of the box, snarling fearfully, although in a
kind of under-tone, and grinding his teeth as if strongly convulsed. I had no doubt whatever that the want of water or the
confined atmosphere of the hold had driven him mad, and I was
at a loss what course to pursue. I could not endure the thought
of killing him, yet it seemed absolutely necessary for my own
safety. I could distinctly perceive his eyes fastened upon me
with an expression of the most deadly animosity, and I expected
every instant that he would attack me. At last I could endure
my terrible situation no longer, and determined to make my way
from the box at all hazards, and dispatch him, if his opposition
should render it necessary for me to do so. To get out, I had to
pass directly over his body, and he already seemed to anticipate
my design-raising himself upon his fore-legs (as I perceived
by the altered position of his eyes), and displayed the whole of
his white fangs, which were easily discernible. I took the remains of the ham-skin, and the bottle containing the liqueur, and
secured them about my person, together with a large carvingknife which Augustus had left me-then, folding my cloak as
closely around me as possible, I made a movement towards the
mouth of the box. No sooner did I do this, than the dog sprang
with a loud growl towards my throat. The whole weight of his
body struck me on the right shoulder, and I fell violently to the
left, while the enraged animal passed entirely over me. I had
fallen upon my knees, with my head buried among the blankets,
and these protected me from a second furious assault, during
which I felt the sharp teeth pressing vigorously upon the woollen
which enveloped my neck-yet, luckily, without being able to
penetrate all the folds. I was now beneath the dog, and a few
moments would place me completely in his power. Despair
gave me strength, and I rose boldly up, shaking him from me
by main force, and dragging with me the blankets from the mattress. These I now threw over him, and before he could extricate himself, I had got through the door and closed it effectually
against his pursuit. In this struggle, however, I had been forced
to drop the morsel of ham-skin, and I now found my whole stock
of provisions reduced to a single gill of liqueur. As this reece




A. GORDON PYM.


43


tion crossed my mind, I felt myself actuated by one of those fits
of perverseness which might be supposed to influence a spoiled
child in similar circumstances, and, raising the bottle to my lips,
I drained it to the last drop, and dashed it furiously upon the
floor.
Scarcely had the echo of the crash died away, when I heard
my name pronounced in an eager but subdued voice, issuing
from the direction of the steerage. So unexpected was anything of the kind, and so intense was the emotion excited within
me by the sound, that I endeavored in vain to reply. My powers of speech totally failed, and, in an agony of terror lest my
friend should conclude me dead, and return without attempting
to reach me, I stood up between the crates near the door of the
box, trembling convulsively, and gasping and struggling for
utterance. Had a thousand worlds depended upon a syllable, I
could not have spoken it. There was a slight movement now
audible among the lumber somewhere forward of my station.
The sound presently grew less distinct, then again less so, and
still less. Shall I ever forget my feelings at this moment? He
was going-my friend, my companion, from whom I had a right
to expect so much-he was going-he would abandon me-he
was gone! He would leave me to perish miserably, to expire
in the most horrible and loathsome of dungeons-and one word,
one little syllable, would save me-yet that single syllable I
could not utter! I felt, I am sure, more than ten thousand times
the agonies of death itself. My brain reeled, and I fell, deadly
sick, against the end of the box.
As I fell, the carving-knife was shaken out from the waistband of my pantaloons, and dropped with a rattling sound to the
floor. Never did any strain of the richest melody come so
sweetly to my ears! With the intensest anxiety I listened to
ascertain the effect of the noise upon Augustus-for I knew that
the person who called my name could be no one but himself.
All was silent for some moments. At length I again heard the
word Arthur! repeated in a low tone, and one full of hesitation.
Reviving hope loosened at once my powers of speech, and I now
screamed, at the top of my voice, "Augustus! oh, Augustus!"
" Hush! for God's sake be silent!" he replied, in a voice tremb




44


NARRATIVE OF


ling with agitation; " I will be with you immediately-as soon
as I can make my way through the hold."  For a long time I
heard him moving among the lumber, and every moment seemed
to me an age. At length I felt his hand upon my shoulder, and
he placed, at the same moment, a bottle of water to my lips.
Those only who have been suddenly redeemed from the jaws of
the tomb, or who have known the insufferable torments of thirst
under circumstances as aggravated as those which encompassed
me in my dreary prison, can form any idea of the unutterable
transports which that one long draught of the richest of all physical luxuries afforded.
When I had in some degree satisfied my thirst, Augustus produced from his pocket three or four cold boiled potatoes, which I
devoured with the greatest avidity. He had brought with him
a light in a dark lantern, and the grateful rays afforded me
scarcely less comfort than the food and drink. But I was impatient to learn the cause of his protracted absence, and he proceeded to recount what had happened on board during my incarceration.
CHAPTER IV.
THE brig put to sea, as I had supposed, in about an hour
after he had left the watch. This was on the twentieth of June.
It will be remembered that I had then been in the hold for three
days; and, during this period, there was so constant a bustle on
board, and so much running to and fro, especially in the cabin
and state-rooms, that he had had no chance of visiting me without
the risk of having the secret of the trap discovered. When at
length he did come, I had assured him that I was doing as well
as possible; and, tl erefore, for the two next days he felt but
little uneasiness on my account-still, however, watching an opportunity of going down. It was not until the fourth day that
he found one. Several times during this interval he had made
up his mind to let his father know of the adventure, and have me





A. GORDON PYM.


45


come up at once; but we were still within reaching distance of
Nantucket, and it was doubtful, f:om some expressions which had
escaped Captain Barnard, whether he would not immediately put
back if he discovered me to be on board. Besides, upon thinking
the matter over, Augustus, so he told me, could not imagine that
I was in immediate want, or that I would hesitate, in such case,
to make myself heard at the trap. When, therefore, he considered everything, he concluded to let me stay until he could
meet with an opportunity of visiting me unobserved. This, as I
said before, did not occur uutil the fourth day after his bringing
me the watch, and the seventh since I had first entered the hold.
He then went down without taking with him any water or provisions, intending in the first place merely to call my attention, and
get me to come from the box to the trap-when he would go up
to the state-room and thence hand me down a supply. When he
descended for this purpose he found that I was asleep, for it seems
that I was snoring very loudly. From all the calculations I can
make on the subject, this must have been the slumber into which
I fell just after my return from the trap with the watch, and
which, consequently, must have lastedfor more than three entire
days and nights at the very least. Latterly, I have had reason,
both from my own experience and the assurance of others, to be
acquainted with the strong soporific effects of the stench arising
from old fish-oil when closely confined; and when I think of the
condition of the hold in which I was imprisoned, and the long
period during which the brig had been used as a whaling vessel,
I am more inclined to wonder that I awoke at all, after once
falling asleep, than that I should have slept uninterruptedly for
the period specified above.
Augustus called to me at first in a low voice and without
closing the trap-bat I made him no reply. He then shut the
trap, and spoke to me in a louder, and finally in a very loud tone
-still I continued to snore. He was now at a loss what to do.
It would take him some time to make his way through the lumber
to my box, and in the mean while his absence would be noticed
by Captain Barnard, who had occasion for his services every
minute, in arranging and copying papers connected with the business of the voy:;ge. He determined, therefore, upon r0flec:io:,





46


NARRATIVE OF


to ascend. and await another opportunity of visiting me. He
was the more easily induced to this resolve, as my slumber appeared to be of the most tranquil nature, and he could not suppose that I had undergone any incovenience from my incarceration. He had just made up his mind on these points when
his attention was arrested by an unusual bustle, the sound of
which proceeded apparently from the cabin. He sprang through
the trap as quickly as possible, closed it, and threw open the
door of his stateroom. No sooner had he put his foot over the
threshold than a pistol flashed in his face, and he was knocked
down, at the same moment, by a blow from a handspike.
A strong hand held him on the cabin floor, with a tight grasp
upon his throat; still he was able to see what was going on
around him. His father was tied hand and foot, and lying along
the steps of the companion-way, with his head down, and a deep
wound in the forehead, from which the blood was flowing in a
continued stream. He spoke not a word, and was apparently
dying. Over him stood the first mate, eying him with an expression of fiendish derision, and deliberately searching his pockets, from which he presently drew forth a large wallet and a
chronometer. Seven of the crew (among whom was the cook,
a negro) were rummaging the state-rooms on the larboard for
arms, where they soon equipped themselves with muskets and
ammunition. Besides Augustus and Captain Barnard, there
were nine men altogether in the cabin, and these among the
most ruffianly of the brig's company. The villains now went
upon deck, taking my friend with them, after having secured his
arms behind his back. They proceeded straight to the forecastle, which was fastened down-two of the mutineers standing by
it with axes-two also at the main hatch. The mate called out
in a loud voice-'" Do you hear there below? tumble up with
you, one by one-now, mark that-and no grumbling!" It was
some minutes before any one appeared;-.at last an Englishman,
who had shipped as a raw hand, came up, weeping piteously,
and entreating the mate, in the most humble manner, to spare
his life. The only reply was a blow on the forehead from an
axe. The poor fellow fell to the deck, without a groan, and the
black cook lifted him up in his arms as he would a child, and





A. GORDON PYM.


47


tossed him deliberately into the sea. Hearing the blow and the
plunge of the body, the men below could now be induced to
venture on deck neither by threats nor promises, until a proposition was made to smoke them out. A general rush then ensued, and for a moment it seemed possible that the brig might
be retaken. The mutineers, however, succeeded at last in closing
the forecastle effectually before more than six of their opponents
could get up. These six, finding themselves so greatly outnumbered and without arms, submitted after a brief struggle. The
mate gave them fair words-no doubt with a view of inducing
those below to yield, for they had no difficulty in hearing all that
was said on deck. The result proved his sagacity, no less than
his diabolical villany. All in the forecastle presently signified
their intention of submitting, and, ascending one by one, were
pinioned and thrown on their backs, together with the first sixthere being, in all of the crew who were not concerned in the
mutiny, twenty-seven.
A scene of the most horrible butchery ensued. The bound
seamen were dragged to the gangway. Here the cook stood
with an axe, striking each victim on the head as he was forced
over the side of the vessel by the other mutineers. In this manner twenty-two perished, and Augustus had given himself up for
lost, expecting every moment his own turn to come next. But
it seemed that the villains were now either weary, or in some
measure disgusted with their bloody labor; for the four remain
ing prisoners, together with my friend who had been thrown on
the deck with the rest, were respited while the mate sent below
for rum, and the whole murderous party held a drunken carouse,
which lasted until sunset. They now fell to disputing in regard
to the fate of the survivors, who lay not more than four paces
off, and could distinguish every word said. Upon some of the
mutineers the liquor appeared to have a softening effect, for
several voices were heard in favor of releasing the captives
altogether, on condition of joining the mutiny and sharing the
profits. The black cook, however, (who in all respects was a
perfect demon, and who seemed to exert as much influence, if
not more, than the mate himself,) would listen to no proposition
of the kind, and rose repeatedly for the purpose of resuming!i.





48


NARRATIVE OF


work at the gangway. Fortunately lie was so far overcome by
intoxication as to be easily restrained by the less blood-thirsty
of the party, among whom was a line-manager, who went by the
name of Dirk Peters. This man was the son of an Indian
woman of the tribe of Upsarokas, who live among the fastnesses
of the Black Hills, near the source of the Missouri. His father
was a fur-trader, I believe, or at least connected in some manner
with the Indian trading-posts on Lewis river. Peters himsell
was one of the most ferocious-looking men I ever beheld. He
was short in stature, not more than four feet eight inches high,
but his limbs were of Herculean mould. His hands, especially,
were so enormously thick and broad as hardly to retain a human
shape. His arms, as well as legs, were bowed in the most singular manner, and appeared to possess no flexibility whatever.
His head was equally deformed, being of immense size, with an
indentation on the crown (like that on the head of most negroes),
and entirely bald. To conceal this latter deficiency, which did
not proceed from old age, he usually wore a wig formed of any
hair-like material which presented itself-occasionhlly the skin
of a Spanish dog or American grizzly bear. At the time spoken
of, he had on a portion of one of these bear-skins; and it added
no little to the natural ferocity of his countenance, which betook
of the Upsaroka character. The mouth extended nearly from
ear to ear; the lips were thin, and seemed, like some other portions of his frame, to be devoid of natural pliancy, so that the
ruling expression never varied under the influence of any emotion whatever. This ruling expression may be conceived when
it is considered that the teeth were exceedingly long and protruding, and never even partially covered, in any instance, by
the lips. To pass this man with a casual glance, one might
imagine him to be convulsed with laughter; but a second look
would induce a shuddering acknowledgment, that if such an expression were indicative of merriment, the merriment must be
that of a demon. Of this singular being many anecdotes were
prevalent among the seafaring men of*Nantucket. These anecdotes went to prove his prodigious strength when under excitement, and some of them had given rise to a doubt of his sanity.
But on board t b, Grampus, it seems, he was regarded, at the





A. GORDON PYM.


time of the mutiny, with feelings more of derision than of anything else. I have been thus particular in speaking of Dirk
Peters, because, ferocious as he appeared, he proved the main
instrument in preserving the life of Augustus, and because I
shall have frequent occasion to mention him hereafter in the
course of my narrative-a narrative, let me here say, which, in
its latter portions, will be found to include incidents of a nature
so entirely out of the range of human experience, and for this
reason so far beyond the limits of human credulity, that I proceed in utter hopelessness of obtaining credence for all that I
shall tell, yet confidently trusting in time and progressing science
to verify some of the most important and most improbable of my
statements.
After much indecision and two or three violent quarrels, it was
determined at last that all the prisoners (with the exception of
Augustus, whom Peters insisted in a jocular manner upon keeping as hIis clerk) should be set adrift in one of the smallest
whaleboats. The mate went down into the cabin to see if Captain Barnard was still living-for, it will be remembered, he was
left below when the mutineers came up. Presently the two
made their appearance, the captain pale as death, but somewhat
recovered from the effects of his wound. He spoke to the men
in a voice hardly articulate, entreated them not to set him adrift,
but to return to their duty, and promising to land them wherever
they chose, and to take no steps for bringing them to justice.
He might as well have spoken to the winds. Two of the ruffians seized him by the arms and hurled him over the brig's side
into the boat, which had been lowered while the mate went below.
The four men who were lying on the deck were then untied and
ordered to follow, which they did without attempting any resistance-Augustus being still left in his painful position, although
he struggled and prayed only for the poor satisfaction of being
permitted to bid his father farewell. A handful of sea-biscuit
and a jug of water were now handed down; but neither mast,
sail, oar, nor compass. The boat was towed astern for a few
minutes, during which the mutineers held another consultationit was then finally cut adrift. By this time night had come onthere were neither moon nor stars visible-and a short and ugly
VOL. 1V.-4





NARRATIVE OP


sea was running, although there was no great deal of wind.
The boat was instantly out of sight, and little hope could be
entertained for the unfortunate sufferers who were in it. This
event happened, however, in latitude 35Q 30' north, longitude
61~ 20' west, and consequently at no very great distance from
the Bermuda Islands. Augustus therefore endeavored to console himself with the idea that the boat might either succeed in
reaching the land, or come sufficiently near to be fallen in with
by vessels off the coast.
All sail was now put upon the brig, and she continued her
original course to the southwest-the mutineers being bent upon
some. piratical expedition, in which, from all that could be understood, a ship was to be intercepted on her way from the Cape
Verd Islands to Porto Rico. No attention was paid to Augustus,
who was untied and suffered to go about anywhere forward of
the cabin companion-way. Dirk Peters treated him with some
degree of kindness, and on one occasion saved him from the
brutality of the cook. His situation was still one of the most
precarious, as the men were continually intoxicated, and there
was no relying upon their continued good-humor or carelessness
in regard to himself. His anxiety on my account he represented,
however, as the most distressing result of his condition; and,
indeed, I had never reason to doubt the sincerity of his friendship. More than once he had resolved to acquaint the mutineers
with the secret of my being on board, but was restrained from
so doing, partly through recollection of the atrocities he had already beheld, and partly through a hope of being able soon to
bring me relief. For the latter purpose he was constantly on the
watch; but, in spite of the most constant vigilance, three days
elapsed after the boat was cut adrift before any chance occurred.
At length, on the night of the third day, there came on a heavy
blow from the eastward, and all hands were called up to take in
sail. During the confusion which ensued, he made his way
below unobserved, and into the state-room. What was his grief
and horror in discovering that, the latter had been rendered a
place of deposite for a variety of sea-stores and ship furniture,
and that several fathoms of old chain-cable, which had been
stowed away beneath the compahion-ladder, had been dragged





A. GORDON PYM.


51


thence to make room for a chest, and were now lying immediately
upon the trap! To remove it without discovery was impossible,
and he returned on deck as quickly as he could. As he came up,
the mate seized him by the throat, and demanding what he had
been doing in the cabin, was about flinging him over the larboard
bulwark, when his life was again preserved through the interference
of Dirk Peters. Augustus was now put in handcuffs (of which
there were several pairs on board), and his feet lashed tightly together., He was then taken into the steerage, and thrown into a
lower berth next to the forecastle bulkheads, with the assurance
that he should never put his foot on deck again " until the brig was
no longer a brig." This was the expression of the cook, who threw
him into the berth-it is hardly possible to say what precise meaning was intended by the phrase. The whole affair, however,
proved the ultimate means of my relief, as will presently appear.
CHAPTER V.
FoR some minutes after the cook had left the forecastle,
Augustus abandoned himself to despair, never hoping to leave
the berth alive. He now came to the resolution of acquainting
the first of the men who should come down with my situation,
thinking it better to let me take my chance with the mutineers
than perish of thirst in the hold-for it had been ten days since
I was first imprisoned, and my jug of water was not a plentiful
supply even for four. As he was thinking on this subject, the
idea came all at once into his head that it might be possible to
communicate with me by the way of the main hold. In any
other circumstances, the difficulty and hazard of the undertaking
would have prevented him from attempting it; but now he had,
at all events, little prospect of life, and consequently little to
lose-he bent his whole mind, therefore, upon the task.
His handcuffs were the first consideration. At first he saw no
method of removing them, and feared that he should thus be
baffled in the very outset; but, upon a lor scrutiny, he dis




52


NARRATIVE OF


covered that the irons could be slipped off and on at pleasure
with very little effort or inconvenience, merely by squeezing his
hands through them-this species of manacle being altogether
ineffectual in confining young persons, in whom the smaller bones
readily yield to pressure. He now untied his feet, and, leaving
the cord in such a manner that it could easily be readjusted in
the event of any person's coming down, proceeded to examine
the bulkhead where it joined the berth. The partition here was
of soft pine board, an inch thick, and he saw that he should have
little trouble in cutting his way through. A voice was now heard
at the forecastle companion-way, and he had just time to put his
right hand into its handcuff (the left had not been removed), and
to draw the rope in a slipknot around his ankle, when Dirk
Peters came below, followed by Tiger, who immediately leaped
into the berth and lay down. The dog had been brought on
board by Augustus, who knew my attachment to the animal, and
thought it would give me pleasure to have him with me during
the voyage. He went up to our house for him immediately after
first taking me into the hold, but did not think of mentioning the
circumstance upon his bringing the watch. Since the mutiny,
Augustus had not sen him before his appearance with Dirk
Petei's, and had given him up for lost, supposing him to have
been thrown overboard by some of the malignant villains belonging to the mate's gang. It appeared afterward that he had
crawled into a hole beneath a whale-boat, from which, not having
room to turn round, he could not extricate himself. Peters at
last let him out, and, with a species of good feeling which my
friend knew well how to appreciate, had now brought him to him
in the forecastle as a companion, leaving at the same time some
salt junk and potatoes, with a can of water: he then went on
deck, promising to come down with something more to eat on
the next day.
When he had gone, Augustus freed both hands from the manacles and unfastened his feet. He then turfed down the head
of the mattress on which he had been lying, and with his penknife (for the ruffians had not t ought it worth while to search
him) commenced cutting vigorously across one of the partition
planks, as closely as possible to the floor of the berth. lHe





A. GORDON PYM.


53


chose to cut here, because, if suddenly interrupted, he would be
able to conceal what had been done by letting the head of the
mattress fall into its proper position. For the remainder of the
day, however, no disturbance occurred, and by night he had
completely divided the plank. It should here be observed, that
none of the crew occupied the forecastle as a sleeping-place,
living altogether in the cabin sincie the mutiny, drinking the
wines, and feasting on the sea-stores of Captain Barnard, and
giving no more heed than was absolutely necessary to the navigation of the brig. These circumstances proved fortunate both
for myself and Augustus; for, had matters been otherwise, he
would have found it impossible to reach me. As it was, he proceeded with confidence in his design. It was near daybreak,
however, before he completed the second division of the board
(which was about a foot above the first cut), thus making an
aperture quite large enough to admit his passage through with
facility to the main orlop deck. Having got here, he made his
way with but little trouble to the lower main hatch, although in
so doing he had to scramble over tiers of oil-casks piled nearly
as high as the upper deck, there being barely room enough left
for his body. Upon reaching the hatch, he found that Tiger had
followed him below, squeezing between two rows of the casks.
It was now too late, however, to attempt getting to me before
dawn, as the chief difficulty lay in passing through the close
stowage in the lower hold. He therefore resolved to return, and
wait till the next night. With this design, he proceeded to
loosen the hatch, so that he might have as little detention as
possible when he should come again. No sooner had he loosened it than Tiger sprang eagerly to the small opening produced,
snuffed for a moment, and then uttered a long whine, scratching
at the same time, as if anxious to remove th6 covering with his
paws. There could be no doubt, from his behavior, that he was
aware of my being in the hold, and Augustus thought it possible
that hlie would be able to get to me if he put him down. He
now hit upon the expedient of sending the note, as it was especially desirable that I should make no attempt at forcing my
way out, at least under existing circumstances, and there could
be no certainty of his getting to me himself on the morrow as he





514


NARRATIVE OF


intended. After events proved how fortunate it was that the
idea occurred to him as "it did; for, had it not been for the receipt of the note, I should undoubtedly have fallen upon some
plan, however desperate, of alarming the crew, and both our
lives would most probably have been sacrificed in consequence.
Having concluded to write, the difficulty was now to procure
the materials for so doing. An old toothpick was soon made into
a pen; and this by means of feeling altogether, for the betweendecks were as dark as pitch. Paper enough was obtained from
the back of a letter-a duplicate of the forged letter from Mr.
Ross. This had been the original draught; but the handwriting
not being sufficiently well imitated, Augustus had written another, thrusting the first, by good fortune, into his coat-pocket,
where it was now most opportunely discovered. Ink alone was
thus wanting, and a substitute was immediately found for this
by means of a slight incision with the penknife on the back of
a finger just above the nail-a copious flow of blood ensuing, as
usual, from wounds in that vicinity. The note was now written,
as well as it could be in the dark, and under the circumstances.
It briefly explained that a mutiny had taken place; that Captain
Barnard was set adrift; and that I might expect immediate
relief as far as provisions were concerned, but must not venture
upon making any disturbance. It concluded with these words:
"I have scrawled this with blood-your life depends upon lying
close."
The slip of paper being tied upon the dog, he was now put
down the hatchway, and Augustus made the best of his way
back to the forecastle, where he found no reason to believe that
any of the crew had been in his absence. To conceal the hole
in the partition, he drove his knife in just above it, and hung up
a pea-jacket which' he found in the berth. His handcuffs were
then replaced, and also the rope around his ankles.
These arrangements were scarcely completed when Dirk
Peters came below, very drunk, but in excellent humor, and
bringing with him my friend's allowance of provision for the day.
This consisted of a dozen large Irish potatoes roasted, and a
pitcher of water. He sat for some time or, a chest by the berth,
and talked freely about the mate, and tle general concerns of





A. GORDON PYM.


55


the brig. His demeanor was exceedingly capricious, and even
grotesque. At one time Augustus was much alarmed by his
odd conduct. At last, however, he went on deck, muttering a
promise to bring his prisoner a good dinner on the morrow.
During the day two of the crew (harpooners) came down, accompanied by the cook, all three in nearly the last stage of
intoxication. Like Peters, they made no scruple of talking
unreservedly about their plans. It appeared that they were
much divided among themselves as to their ultimate course,
agreeing in no point, except the attack on the ship from the
Cape Verd Islands, with which they were in hourly expectation
of meeting. As far as could be ascertained, the mutiny had not
been brought about altogether for the sake of booty; a private
pique of the chief mate's against Captain Barnard having been
the main instigation. There now seemed to be two principal
factions among the crew-one headed by the mate, the other by
the cook. The former party were for seizing the first suitable
vessel which should present itself, and equipping it at some of
the West India Islands for a piratical cruise. The latter division, however, which was the stronger, and included Dirk Peters
among its partisans, were bent upon pursuing the course originally laid out for the brig into the South Pacific; there either
to take whale, or act otherwise, as circumstances should suggest.
The representations of Peters, who had frequently visited these
regions, had great weight, apparently, with the mutineers,
wavering, as they were, between half-engendered notions of
profit and pleasure. He dwelt on the world of novelty and
amusement to be found among the innumerable islands of the
Pacific, on the perfect security and freedom from all restraint to
be enjoyed, but, more particularly, on the deliciousness of the
climate, on the abundant means of good living, and on the voluptuous beauty of the women. As yet, nothing had been absolutely determined upon; but the pictures of the hybrid linemanager were taking strong hold upon the ardent imaginations
of the seamen, and there was every probability that his intentions would be finally carried into effect.
The three men went away in about an hour, and no one else
entered the forecastle all day. Augustus lay quiet until nearly





56o


NARRATIVE OF


night. He then freed himself from the rope and irons, and piepared for his attempt. A bottle was found in one of the berths,
and this he filled with water from the pitcher left by Peters,
st )ring his pockets at the same time with cold potatoes. To his
great joy he also came across a lantern, with a small piece of
tallow candle in it. This he could light at any moment, as lie
had in his possession a box of phosphorus matches. When it
was quite dark, he got through the hole in the bulkhead, having
taken the precaution to arrange the bedclothes in the berth so
as to convey the idea of a person covered up. When through,
he hung up the pea-jacket on his knife, as before, to conceal the
aperture-this manoeuvre being easily effected, as he did not readjust the piece of plank taken out until afterward. He was
now on the main orlop deck, and proceeded to make his way, as
before, between the upper deck and the oil-casks to the main
hatchway. Having reached this, he lit the piece of candle, and
descended, groping with extreme difficulty among the compact
stowage of the hold. In a few moments he became alarmed at
the insufferable stench and the closeness of the atmosphere. IHe
could not think it possible that I had survived my confinement
for so long a period breathing so oppressive an air. He called
my name repeatedly, but I made him no reply, and his apprehensions seemed thus to be confirmed. The brig was rolling
violently, and there was so much noise in consequence, that it
was useless to listen for any weak sound, such as those of my
breathing or snoring. He threw open the lantern, and held it
as high as possible, whenever an opportunity occurred, in order
that, by observing the light, I might, if alive, be aware that succor was approaching. Still nothing was heard from me, and
the supposition of my death began to assume the character of
certainty. He determined, nevertheless, to force a passage, if
possible, to the box, and at least ascertain beyond a doubt the
truth of his surmises. He pushed on for some time in a most
pitiable state of anxiety, until, at length, he found the pathway
uiterly blocked up, and that there was no possibility of making
any farther way by the course in which he had set out. Overcome now by his feelings, he threw himself among the lumber
in despair, and wept like a child. It was at this period that he





A. GORDON PYM.


heard the crash occasioned by the bottle which I had thrown
down. Fortunate, indeed, was it that the incident occurredfor, upon this incident, trivial as it appears, the thread of my
destiny depended. Many years elapsed, however, before I was
aware of this fact. A natural shame and regret for his weakness and indecision prevented Augustus from confiding to me
at once what a more intimate and unreserved communion afterward induced him to reveal. Upon finding his further progress
in the hold impeded by obstacles which he could not overcome,
he had resolved to abandon his attempt at reaching me, and return at once to the forecastle. Before condemning him entirely
on this head, the harassing circumstances which embarrassed
him should be taken into consideration. The night was fast
wearing away, and his absence from the forecastle might be discovered; and, indeed, would necessarily be so, if he should fail
to get back to the berth by daybreak. His candle was expiring
in the socket, and there would be the greatest difficulty in retracing his way to the hatchway in the dark. It must be allowed,
too, that he had every good reason to believe me dead; in which
event no benefit could result to me from his reaching the box,
and a world of danger would be encountered to no purpose by
himself. He had repeatedly called, and I had made him no
answer. I had been now eleven days and nights with no more
water than that contained in the jug which he had left with mea supply which it was not at all probable I had hoarded in the
beginning of my confinement, as I had had every cause to expect
a speedy release. The atmosphere of the hold, too, must have
appeared to him, coming from the comparatively open air of the
steerage, of a nature absolutely poisonous, and by far more
intolerable than it had seemed to me upon my first taking up
my quarters in the box-the hatchways at that time having been
constantly open for many months previous. Add to these considerations that of the scene of bloodshed and terror so lately
witnessed by my friend; his confinement, privations, and narrow
escapes from death, together with the frail and equivocal tenure
by which he still existed-circumstances all so well calculated
to prostrate every energy of mind-and the reader will be easily
brought, as I have been, to regard his apparent falling off in





58


NARRATIVE OF


friendship and in faith with sentiments rather of sorrow than of
anger.
The crash of the bottle was distinctly heard, yet Augustus
was not sure that it proceeded from the hold. The doubt, however, was sufficient inducement to persevere. He clambered
up nearly to the orlop deck by means of the stowage, and then,
watching for a lull in the pitchings of the vessel, he called out
to me in as loud a tone as he could command, regardless, for
the moment, of the danger of being overheard by the crew. It
will be remembered that on this occasion the voice reached me,
but I was so entirely overcome by violent agitation as to be incapable of reply. Confident, now, that his worst apprehensions
were well founded, he descended, with a view of getting back
to the forecastle without loss of time. In his haste, some small
boxes were thrown down, the noise occasioned by which I heard,
as will be recollected. He had made considerable progress on
his return when the fall of the knife again caused him to hesitate. He retraced his steps immediately, and, clambering up
the stowage a second time, called out my name, loudly as before,
having watched for a lull. This time I found voice to answer.
Overjoyed at discovering me to be still alive, he now resolved
to brave every difficulty and danger in reaching me. Having
extricated himself as quickly as possible from the labyrinth of
lumber by which he was hemmed in, he at length struck into an
opening which promised better, and finally, after a series of
struggles, arrived at the box in a state of utter exhaustion.
CHAPTER VI.
THE leading particulars of this narration were all that Augustus communicated to me while we remained near the box. It
was not until afterward that he entered fully into all the details.
IHe was apprehensive of being missed, and 1 was wild with impatience to leave my detested place of confinement. We resolved to make our way at once to the hole in the bulkhead, near
which I was to remain fix the plresent, while lie went through to





A. GORDON PYM.


59


reconnoitre. To leave Tiger in the box was what neither of us
could endure to think of; yet, how to act otherwise was the
question. He now seemed to be perfectly quiet, and we could
not even distinguish the sound of his breathing upon applying
our ears closely to the box. I was convinced that he was dead,
and determined to open the door. We found him lying at full
length, apparently in a deep stupor, yet still alive. No time
was to be lost, yet I could not bring myself to abandon an animal
who had now been twice instrumental in saving my life, without
some attempt at preserving him. We therefore dragged him
along with us as well as we could, although with the greatest
difficulty and fatigue; Augustus, during part of the time, being
forced to clamber over the impediments in our way with the
huge dog in his arms-a feat to which the feebleness of my
frame rendered me totally inadequate. At length we succeeded
in reaching the hole, when Augustus got through, and Tiger was
pushed in afterward. All was found to be safe, and we did not
fail to return sincere thanks to God for our deliverance from the
imminent danger we had escaped. For the present, it was
agreed that I should remain near the opening, through which my
companion could readily supply me with a part of his daily provision, and where I could have the advantages of breathing an
atmosphere comparatively pure.
In explanation of some portions of this narrative, wherein I
have spoken of the stowage of the brig, and which may appear
ambiguous to some of my readers who may have seen a proper
or regular stowage, I must here state that the manner in which
this most important duty had been performed on board the
Grampus was a most shameful piece of neglect on the part of
Captain Barnard, who was by no means as careful or as experienced a seaman as the hazardous nature of the service on which
he was employed, would seem necessarily to demand. A proper
stowage cannot be accomplished in a careless manner, and many
most disastrous accidents, even within the limits of my own experience, have arisen from neglect or ignorance in this particular.
Coasting vessels, in the frequent hurry and bustle attendant upon
taking in or discharging cargo, are the most liable to mishap
ftoml the want of a proper a:tention to stowape. The g'reat





60


NARRATIVE OF


point is to allow no possibility of the cargo or ballast's shifting
position even in the most violent rollings of the vessel. With
this end, great attention must be paid, not only to the bulk taken
in, but to the nature of the bulk, and whether there be a full or
only a partial cargo. In most kinds of freight the stowage is
accomplished by means of a screw. Thus, in a load of tobacco
or flour, the whole is screwed so tightly into the hold of the vessel that the barrels or hogsheads, upon discharging, are found to
be completely flattened, and take some time to regain their
original shape. This screwing, however, is resorted to principally with a view of obtaining more room in the hold; for in a
full load of any such commodities as flour or tobacco, there can
be no danger of any shifting whatever, at least none from which
inconvenience can result. There have been instances, indeed,
where this method of screwing has resulted in the most lamentable consequences, arising from a cause altogether distinct from
the danger attendant upon a shifting of cargo. A load of cotton,
for example, tightly screwed while in certain conditions, has been
known, through the expansion of its bulk, to rend a vessel asunder
at sea.  There can be no doubt, either, that the same result
would ensue in the case of tobacco, while undergoing its usual
course of fermentation, were it not for the interstices consequent
upon the rotundity of the hogsheads.
It is when a partial cargo is received that danger is chiefly to
be apprehended from shifting, and that precautions should be
always taken to guard against such misfortune. Only those who
have encountered a violent gale of wind, or rather who have
experienced the rolling of a vessel in a sudden calm after the
gale, can form an idea of the tremendous force of the plunges,
and of the consequent terrible impetus given to all loose articles
in the vessel. It is then that the necessity of a cautious stowage, when there is a partial cargo,, becomes obvious. When
lying to (especially with a small head sail), a vessel which is
not properly modelled in the bows is frequently thrown upon
her beam-ends; this occurring even every fifteen or twenty minutes upon an average, yet without any serious consequences
resulting, provided there be a proper stowage. If this, however.
has not been strictly attended to, in the first of these heavy





A. GORDON PYM.


61


lurches the whole of the cargo tumbles over to the side of the
vessel which lies upon the water, and, being thus prevented from
regaining her equilibrium, as she would otherwise necessarily do,
she is certain to fill in a few seconds and go down. It is not too
much to say that at least one half of the instances in which
vessels have foundered in heavy gales at sea may be attributed
to a shifting of cargo or of ballast.
When a partial cargo of any kind is taken on board, the whole,
after being first stowed as compactly as may be, should be covered with a layer of stout shifting-boards, extending completely across the vessel. Upon these boards strong temporary
stanchions should be erected, reaching to the timbers above, and
thus securing everything in its place. In cargoes consisting of
grain, or any similar matter, additional precautions are requisite.
A hold filled entirely with grain upon leaving port will be
found not more than three fourths full upon reaching its destination-this, too, although the freight, when measured bushel by
bushel by the consignee, will overrun by a vast deal (on account
of the swelling of the grain) the quantity consigned. This
result is occasioned by settling during the voyage, and is the
more perceptible in proportion to the routhness of theweather
experienced. If grain loosely thrown in a vessel, then, is ever
so well secured by shifting-boards and stanchions, it will be
liable to shift in a long passage so greatly as to bring about the
most distressing calamities. To prevent these, every method
should be employed before leaving port to settle the cargo as
much as possible; and for this there are many contrivances,
among which may be mentioned the driving of wedges into the
grain. Even after all this is done, and unusual pains taken to
secure the shifting boards, no seaman who knows what he is about
will feel altogether secure in a gale of any violence with a
cargo of grain on board, and, least of all, with a partial cargo.
Yet there are hundreds of our coasting vessels, and, it is likely,
many more from the ports of Europe, which sail daily with
partial cargoes, even of the most dangerous species, and without
any precautions whatever. The wonder is that no more accidents occur than do actually happen. A lamentable instance ot
this heedlessness occurred to my knowledge in the case of Cap.





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NARRATIVE OF


tain Joel Rice of the schooner Firefly, which sailed from Richmond, Virginia, to Madeira, with a cargo of corn, in the year
1825. The captain had gone many voyages without serious accident, although he was in the habit of paying no attention whatever to his stowage, more than to secure it in the ordinary manner. He had never before sailed with a cargo of grain, and on
this occasion had the corn thrown on board loosely, when it did
not much more than half fill the vessel. For the first portion
of the voyage he met with nothing more than light breezes; but
when within a day's sail of Madeira there came on a strong gale
from the N. N. E. which forced him to lie to. He brought the
schooner to the wind under a double-reefed foresail alone, when
she rode as well as any vessel could be expected to do, and
shipped not a drop of water. Towards night the gale somewhat
abated, and she rolled with more unsteadiness than before, but
still did very well, until a heavy lurch threw her upon her beamends to starboard. The corn was then heard to shift bodily, the
force of the movement bursting open the main hatchway. The
vessel went down like a shot. This happened within hail of a
small sloop from Madeira, which picked up one of the crew (the
only person saved), and which rode out the gale in perfect security, as indeed a jollyboat might have done under proper management.
The stowage on board the Grampus was most clumsily done,
if stowage that could be called which was little better than a
promiscuous huddling together of oil-casks* and ship furniture.
1 have already spoken of the condition of articles in the hold.
On the orlop deck there was space enough for my body (as I
lave stated) between the oil-casks and the upper deck; a space
was left open around the main hatchway; and several other
large spaces were left in the stowage. Near the hole cut through
the bulkhead by Augustus there was room enough for an entire
cask, and in this space I found myself comfortably situated for
the present.
By the time my friend had got safely into the berth, and re* Whaling vessels are usually fitted with iron oil-tanks-why the
(irainpus was not I have never been able to ascertain.





A. GORDON PYM.


63


adjusted his handcuffs and the rope, it was broad daylight. We
had made a narrow escape indeed; for scarcely had he arranged
all matters, when the mate came below with Dirk Peters and the
cook. They talked for some time about the vessel from the
Cape Verds, and seemed to be excessively anxious for her appearance. At length the cook came to the berth in which Augustus was lying, and seated himself in it near the head. I could
see and hear everything from my hiding-place, for the piece cut
out had not been put back, and I was in momentary expectation
that the negro would fall against the pea-jacket, which was hung
up to conceal the aperture, in which case all would have been
discovered, and our lives would, no doubt, have been instantly
sacrificed. Our good fortune prevailed, however; and although
he frequently touched it as the vessel rolled, he never pressed
against it sufficiently to bring about a discovery. The bottom of
the jacket had been carefully fastened to the bulkhead, so that
the hole might not be seen by its swinging to one side. All
this time Tiger was lying in the foot of the berth, and appeared
to have recovered in some measure his faculties, for I could see
him occasionally open his eyes and draw a long breath.
After a few minutes the mate and cook went above, leaving
Dirk Peters behind, who, as soon as they were gone, came and
sat himself down in the place just occupied by the mate. He
began to talk very sociably with Augustus, and we could now
see that the greater part of his apparent intoxication, while the
two others were with him, was a feint. He answered all my
companion's questions with perfect freedom; told him that he
had no doubt of his father's having been picked up, as there
were no less than fivf sail in sight just before sundown on the
day he was cut adrift; and used other language of a consolatory
nature, which occasioned me no less surprise than pleasure.
Indeed, I began to entertain hopes, that through the instrumentality of Peters we might be finally enabled to regain possession
of the brig, and this idea I mentioned to Augustus as soon as I
found an opportunity. He thought the matter possible, but urged
the necessity of the greate.t caution in making the attempt, as
the conduct of the hybrid appeared to be instigated by the most
arbitrary caprice alone; and, indeed, it was dificult to say if he





64


NARRATIVE OF


was at any moment of sound mind. Peters went upon deck in
about an hour, and did not return again until noon, when he
brought Augustus a plentiful supply of junk beef and pudding
Of this, when we were left alone, I partook heartily, without
returning through the hole. No one else came down into the
forecastle during the day, and at night I got into Augustus's
berth, where I slept soundly and sweetly until nearly daybreak
when he awakened me upon hearing a stir upon deck, and I regained my hiding-place as quickly as possible. When the day
was fully broke, we found that Tiger had recovered his strength
almost entirely, and gave no indications of hydrophobia, drinking
a little water that was offered him with great apparent eagerness.
During the day he regained all his former vigor and appetite.
His strange conduct had been brought on, no doubt, by the deleterious quality of the air of the hold, and had no connection
with canine madness. I could not sufficiently rejoice that I had
persisted in bringing him with me from the box. This day was
the thirtieth of June, and the thirteenth since the Grampus made
sail firom Nantucket.
On the second of July the mate came below, drunk as usual,
and in an excessively good-humor.  He came to Augustus's
berth, and, giving him a slap on the back, asked him if he thought
he could behave himself if he let him loose, and whether he would
promise not to be going into the cabin again. To this, of course,
my friend answered in the affirmative, when the ruffian set him at
liberty, after making him drink from a flask of rum which he drew
from his coat-pocket. Both now went on deck, and I did not see
Augustus for about three hours. HIe then came below with the
good news that he had obtained permissionto go about the brig
as he pleased anywhere forward of the mainmast, and that he
had been ordered to sleep, as usual, in the forecastle.  He
brought me, too, a good dinner, and a plentiful supply of water.
The brig was still cruising for the vessel from the Cape Verds, and
a sail was now in sight, which was thought to be the one in question. As the events of the ensuing eight days were of little im-.
portance, and had no direct bearing upon the main incidents of
my nMarrative, I will here throw them into the form of' a journal,
as I do not wish to omit them altogether.





A. GORDON PYM.


65


Jidy 3. Augustus furnished me with three blankets, with which
I contrived a comfortable bed in my hiding-place. No one came
below, except my companion, during the day. Tiger took his
station in the berth just by the aperture, and slept heavily, as if
not yet entirely recovered from the effects of his sickness.
Towards night a flaw of wind struck the brig before sail could
be taken in, and very nearly capsized her. The puff died away
immediately, however, and no damage was done beyond the
splitting of the foretopsail. Dirk Peters treated Augustus all
this day with great kindness, and entered into a long conversation with him respecting the Pacific Ocean, and the islands he had
visited in that region. He asked him whether he would not like to
go with the mutineers on a kind of exploring and pleasure voyage
in those quarters, and said that the men were gradually coming
over to the mate's views. To this Augustus thought it best to reply
that he would be glad to go on such an adventure, since nothing better
could be done, and that anything was preferable to a piratical life.
July 4th. The vessel in sight proved to be a small brig from
Liverpool, and was allowed to pass unmolested. Augustus spent
most of his time on deck, with a view of obtaining all the information in his power respecting the intentions of the mutineers.
They had frequent and violent quarrels among themselves, in
one of which a harpooner, Jim Bonner, was thrown overboard.
The party of the mate was gaining ground. Jim Bonner belonged to the cook's gang, of which Peters was a partisan.
July 5th. About daybreak there came on a stiff breeze from
the west, which at noon freshened into a gale, so that the brig
could carry nothing more than her trysail and foresail. In taking in the foretopsail, Simms, one of the common hands, and
belonging also to the cook's gang, fell overboard, being very
much in liquor, and was drowned-no attempt being made to
save him. The whole number of persons on board was now
thirteen, to wit: Dirk Peters; Seymour, the black cook;
Jones; -   Greely; Hartman Rogers; and William Allen, of
the cook's party; the mate, whose name I never learned; Absalom Hicks; -    Wilson; John Hunt; and Richard Parker,
of the mate's party-besides Augustus and myself.
July Gth. The gale lasted all this day, blowing in heavy
VOL. IV.--5





66


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squalls, accompanied with rain. The brig took in a good deal
of water through her seams, and one of the pumps was kept
continually going, Augustus being forced to take his turn. Just
at twilight a large ship passed close by us, without having been
discovered until within hail. This ship was supposed to be the
one for which the mutineers were on the look-out. The mate
hailed her, but the reply was drowned in the roaring of the gale.
At eleven, a sea was shipped amid-ships, which tore away a
great portion of the larboard bulwarks, and did some other
slight damage, Towards morning the weather moderated, and
at sunrise there was very little wind.
July 7th. There was a heavy swell running all this day, during which the brig, being light, rolled excessively, and many
articles broke loose in the hold, as I could hear distinctly from
my hiding-place. I suffered a great deal from  sea-sickness.
Peters had a long conversation this day with Augustus, and told
him that two of his gang, Greely and Allen, had gone over to
the mate, and were resolved to turn pirates. He put several
questions to Augustus which he did not then exactly understand.
During a part of this evening the leak gained upon the vessel;
and little could be done to remedy it, as it was occasioned by
the brig's straining, and taking in the water through her seams.
A sail was thrummed, and got under the bows, which aided us
in some measure, so that we began to gain upon the leak.
July 8th. A light breeze sprung up at sunrise from the eastward, when the mate headed the brig to the southwest, with the
intention of making some of the West India Islands, in pursuance of his piratical designs. No opposition was made by Peters
or the cook-at least none in the hearing of Augustus. All idea
of taking the vessel from the Cape Verds was abandoned. The
leak was now easily kept under by one pump going every three
quarters of an hour. The sail was drawn from beneath the
bows. Spoke two small schooners during the day.
July 9th. Fine weather. All hands employed in repairing
bulwarks. Peters had again a long conversation with Augustus,
and spoke more plainly than he had done heretofore. He said
nothing should induce him to come into the mate's views, and
even hinted his intention of taking the brig out of his hands.





A. GORDON PYM.


67


He asked my friend if he could depend upon his aid in such
case, to which Augustus said, "Yes," without hesitation. Peters
then said he would sound the others of his party upon the subject, and went away. During the remainder of the day Augustus
had no opportunity of speaking with him privately.
CHAPTER VII.
JULY 10. Spoke a brig from Rio, bound to Norfolk. Weather
hazy, with a light baffling wind from the eastward. To-day
Hartman Rogers died, having been attacked on the eighth with
spasms after drinking a glass of grog. This man was of the cook's
party, and one upon whom IPters placed his main reliance. He
told Augustus that he believed the mate had poisoned him, and
that he expected, if he did not be on the look-out, his own turn
would come shortly. There were now only himself, Jones, and
the cook belonging to his own gang-on the other side there
were five. He had spoken to Jones about taking the command
from the mate; but the project having been coolly received, he
had been deterred from pressing the matter any further, or from
saying anything to the cook. It was well, as it happened, that
he was so prudent, for in the afternoon the cook expressed his
determination of siding with the mate, and went over formally
to that party; while Jones took an opportunity of quarrelling
with Peters, and hinted that he would let the mate know of the
plan in agitation. There was now, evidently, no time to be lost,
and Peters expressed his determination of attempting to take
the vessel at all hazards, provided Augustus would lend him his
aid. My friend at once assured him of his willingness to enter
into any plan for that purpose, and, thinking the opportunity a
favorable one, made known the fact of my being on board. At
this the hybrid was not more astonished than delighted, as he
had no reliance whatever upon Jones, whom he already considered as belonging to the party of the mate. They went below
immediately, when Augustus called to me by name, and Peters
anid myself were soon made acquainted. It was agreed that we





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should attempt to retake the vessel upon the first good opportunity, leaving Jones altogether out of our councils. In the event
of success, we were to run the brig into the first port that offered,
and deliver her up. The desertion of his party had frustrated
Peter's design of going into the Pacific-an adventure which
could not be accomplished without a crew, and he depended
upon either getting acquitted upon trial, on the score of insanity
(which he solemnly averred had actuated him in lending his aid
to the mutiny), or upon obtaining a pardon, if found guilty,
through the representations of Augustus and myself. Our deliberations were interrupted for the present by the cry of, "All
hands take in sail," and Peters and Augustus ran up on deck.
As usual, the crew were nearly all drunk; and, before sail
could be properly taken in, a violent squall laid the brig on her
beam-ends. By keeping her away, however, she righted, having
shipped a good deal of water. Scarcely was everything secure,
when another squall took the vessel, and immediately afterward
another-no damage being done. There was every appearance
of a gale of wind, which, indeed, shortly came on, with great
fury, from the northward and westward. All was made as snug
as possible, and we laid to, as usual, under a close-reefed foresail. As night drew on, the wind increased in violence, with a
remarkably heavy sea. Peters now came into the forecastle
with Augustus, and we resumed our deliberations.
We agreed that no opportunity could be more favorable than
the present for carrying our design into effect, as an attempt at
such a moment would never be anticipated. As the brig was
snugly laid to, there would be no necessity of manoeuvring her
until good weather, when, if we succeeded in our attempt, we
might liberate one, or perhaps two of the men, to aid us in taking her into port. The main difficulty was the great disproportion in our forces. There were only three of us, and in the
cabin there were nine. All the arms on board, too, were in their
possession, with the exception of a pair of small pistols which
Peters had concealed about his person, and the large seaman's
knife which he always wore in the waistband of his pantaloons.
From (ertain indications, too-such, for example, as there being
no such thing as an axe or a handspike lying in their customary





A. GORDON PYM.


69


places-we began to fear that the mate had his suspicions, at
least in regard to Peters, and that he would let slip no opportunity of getting rid of him. It was clear, indeed, that what we
should determine to do could not be done too soon. Still the
odds were too much against us to allow of our proceeding without the greatest caution.
Peters proposed that he should go up on deck, and enter into
conversation with the watch (Allen), when he would be able to
throw him into the sea without trouble, and without making any
disturbance, by seizing a good opportunity; that Augustus and
myself should then come up, and endeavor to provide ourselves
with some kind of weapons from the deck; and that we should
then make a rush together, and secure the companion-way before any opposition could be offered. I objected to this, because
I could not believe that the mate (who was a cunning fellow in
all matters which did not affect his superstitious prejudices)
would suffer himself to be so easily entrapped. The very fact
of there being a watch on deck at all was sufficient proof that
he was upon the alert-it not being usual, except in vessels
where discipline is most rigidly enforced, to station a watch on
deck when a vessel is lying to in a gale of wind. As I address
myself principally, if not altogether, to persons who have never
been to sea, it may be as well to state the exact condition of a
vessel under such circumstances. Lying to, or, in sea-parlance,
"laying to," is a measure resorted to for various purposes, and
effected in various manners. In moderate weather, it is frequently done with a view of merely bringing the vessel to a
stand-still, to wait for another vessel, or any similar object. If
the vessel which lies to is under full sail, the manoeuvre is usually accomplished by throwing round some p)ortion of her sails,
so as to let the wind take them aback, when she becomes stationary. But we are now speaking of lying to in a gale of wind.
This is done when the wind is ahead, and too violent to admit
of carrying sail without danger of capsizing; and sometimes
even when the wind is fair, but the sea too heavy for the vessel
to be put before it. If a vessel be suffered to scud before the
wind in a very heavy sea, much damage is usually done her by
the shipping of water over her stern, and sometimrcs by the vio




70


NARRATIVE OF


lent plunges she makes forward. This manoeuvre, then, is sel
dom resorted to in such case, unless through necessity. When
the vessel is in a leaky condition, she is often put before the
wind even in the heaviest seas; for, when lying to, her se ams
are sure to be greatly opened by her violent straining, and it is
not so much the case when scudding. Often, too, it becomes
necessary to scud a vessel, either when the blast is so exceedingly furious as to tear in pieces the sail which is employed with a
view of bringing her head to the wind, or when, through the
false modelling of the frame or other causes, this main object
cannot be effected.
Vessels in a gale of wind are laid to in different manners,
according to their peculiar construction.  Some lie to best under
a foresail, and this, I believe, is the sail most usually employed.
Large square-rigged vessels have sails for the express purpose,
called storm-staysails. But the jib is occasionally employed by
itself-sometimes the jib and foresail, or a double-reefed foresail,
and not unfrequently the aftersails, are made use of. Foretopsails are very often found to answer the purpose better than any
otlier species of sail. The Grampus was generally laid to under
a close-reefed foresail.
When a vessel is to be laid to, her head is brought up to the
wind just so nearly as to fill the sail under which she lies, when
hauled flat aft, that is, when brought diagonally across the vessel.
This being done, the bows point within a few degrees of the
direction from which the wind issues, and the windward bow of'
course receives the shock of the waves. In this situation a good
vessel will ride out a very heavy gale of wind without shipping
a drop of water, and without any further attention being requisite
on the part of the crew. The helm is usually lashed down, but
this is altogether unnecessary (except on account of the noise it
makes when loose), for the rudder has no effect upon the vessel
when lying to. Indeed, the helm had far better be left loose thln
lashed very fast, for the rudder is apt to be torn off by heavy
seas if there be no room for the helm to play. As long as the
sail holds, a well-modelled vessel will maintain her situation, and
ride every sea, as if instincit with life and reason. If theW violence
of' the wind, however, should tear the -.ail into pieces (a feat





A. GORDON PYM.


71


which it requires a perfect hurricane to accomplish under ordinary circumstances), there is then imminent danger, The vessel
falls off from the wind, and, coming broadside to the sea, is completely at its mercy: the only resource in this case is to put her
quietly before the wind, letting her scud until some other sail can
be set. Some vessels will lie to under no sail whatever, but such
are not to be trusted at sea.
But to return from this digression. It had never been customary with the mate to have any watch on deck when lying to in a
gale of wind, and the fact that he had now one, coupled with the
circumstance of the missing axes and handspikes, fully convinced
us that the crew were too well on the watch to be taken by surprise in the manner Peters had suggested. Something, however,
was to be done, and that with as little delay as practicable, for
there could be no doubt that a suspicion having been once entertained against Peters, he would be sacrificed upon the earliest
occasion, and one would certainly be either found or made upon
the breaking of the gale.
Augustus now suggested that if Peters could contrive to remove, under any pretext, the piece of chain-cable which lay over
the trap in the state-room, we might possibly be able to come
upon them unawares by means of the hold; but a little reflection
convinced us that the vessel rolled and pitched too violently for
any attempt of that nature.
By good fortune I at length hit upon the idea of working upon
the superstitious terrors and guilty conscience of the mate. It
will be remembered that one of the crew, Hartman Rogers, had
died during the morning, having been attacked two days before
with spasms after drinking some spirits and water. Peters had
expressed to us his opinion that this man had been poisoned by
the mate, and for this belief he had reasons, so he said, which
were incontrovertible, but which he could not be prevailed uipon
to explain to us-this wayward refusal being only in keeping
with other points of his singular character. But whether or not
he had any better grounds for suspecting the mate than we had
ourselves, we were easily led to fall in with his suspicion, and
determined to nct accordingly.
Rogers had died about eleven in the foreroon, in violent con




72                   NARRATIVE OF
vulsions; and the corpse presented in a few minutes after death
one of the most horrid and loathsome spectacles I ever remember
to have seen. The stomach was swollen immensely, like that of
a man who has been drowned and lain under water for many
weeks. The hands were in the same condition, while the face
was shrunken, shrivelled, and of a chalky whiteness, except where
relieved by two or three glaring red splotches, like those occasioned by the erysipelas: one of these splotches extended diagonally across the face, completely covering up an eye as if with a
band of red velvet. In this disgusting condition the body had
been brought up from the cabin at noon to be thrown overboard,
when the mate getting a glimpse of it (for he now saw it for the
first time), and being either touched with remorse for his crime
or struck with terror at so horrible a sight, ordered the men to
sew the body up in its hammock, and allow it the usual rites of
sea-burial. Having given these directions, he went below, as if
to avoid any further sight of his victim. While preparations were
making to obey his orders, the gale came on with great fury, and
the design was abandoned for the present. The corpse, left to
itself, was washed into the larboard scuppers, where it still lay
at the time of which I speak, floundering about with the furious
lurches of the brig.
Having arranged our plan, we set about putting it in execution
as speedily as possible. Peters went upon deck, and, as he had
anticipated, was immediately accosted by Allen, who appeared to
be stationed more as a watch upon the forecastle than for any
other purpose. The fate of this villain, however, was speedily
and silently decided; for Peters, approaching him in a careless
manner, as if about to address him, seized him by the throat, and,
before he could utter a single cry, tossed him over the bulwarks.
He then called to us, and we came up. Our first precaution was
to look about for something with which to arm ourselves, and in
doing this we had to proceed with great care, for it was impossible to stand on deck an instant without holding fast, and violent
seas broke over the vessel at every plunge forward. It was indispensable, too, that we should be quick in our operations, for
every minute we expected the mate to be up to set the pumps
going, as it was evident the brig must be taking in water very





A. GORDON PYM.


73


fast. After searching about for some time, we could find nothing
more fit for our purpose than the two pump-handles, one of which
Augustus took, and I the other.  Having secured these, we
stripped off the shirt of the corpse and dropped the body overboard. Peters and myself then went below, leaving Augustus to
watch upon deck, where he took his station just where Allen had
been placed, and with his back to the cabin companion-way, so
that, if any one of the mate's gang should come up, he might
suppose it was the watch.
As soon as I got below I commenced disguising myself so as
to represent the corpse of Rogers. The shirt which we had
taken from the body aided us very much, for it was of singular
form and character, and easily recognizable-a kind of smock,
which the deceased wore over his other clothing. it was a blue
stockinett, with large white stripes running across. Having put
this on, I proceeded to equip myself with a false stomach, in imitation of the horrible deformity of the swollen corpse. This was
soon effected by means of stuffing with some bedclothes. I then
gave the same appearance to my hands by drawing on a pair of
white woollen mittens, and filling them in with any kind of rags that
offered themselves. Peters then arranged my face, first rubbing
it well over with white chalk, and afterwards splotching it with
blood, which he took from a cut in his finger. The streak across
the eye was not forgotten, and presented a most shocking appearance.
CHAPTER VIII.
As I viewed myself in a fragment of looking-glass which hung
up in the cabin, and by the dim light of a kind of battle-lantern,
I was so impressed with a sense of vague awe at my appearance,
and at the recollection of the terrific reality which I was thus
representing, that I was seized with a violent tremor, and could
scarcely summon resolution to go on with my part. It was necessary, however, to act with decision, and Peters and myself
went upon deck.





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NARRATIVEd OF


We there found everything safe, and, keeping close to the bul.
warks, the three of us crept to the cabin companion-way. It was
only partially closed, precautions having been taken to prevent
its being suddenly pushed to from without, by means of placing
billets of wood on the upper step so as to interfere with the
shutting. We found no difficulty in getting a full view of the
interior of the cabin through the cracks where the hinges were
placed. It now proved to have been very fortunate for us that
we had not attempted to take them by surprise, for they were
evidently on the alert. Only one was asleep, and he lying
just at the foot of the companion-ladder, with a musket by his
side. The rest were seated on several mattresses, which had
been taken from the berths and thrown on the floor. They were
engaged in earnest conversation; and although they had been
carousing, as appeared from two empty jugs, with some tin tumblers which lay about, they were not as much intoxicated as
usual. All had knives, one or two of them pistols, and a great
many muskets were lying in a berth close at hand.
We listened to their conversation for some time before we
could make up our minds how to act, having as yet resolved on
nothing determinate, except that we would attempt to paralyze
their exertions, when we should attack them, by means of the
apparition of Rogers. They were discussing their piratical plans,
in which all we could hear distinctly was, that they would unite
with the crew of a schooner Hornet, and, if possible, get the
schooner herself into their possession preparatory to some attempt
on a large scale, the particulars of which could not be made out
by either of us.
One of the men spoke of Peters, when the mate replied to him
in a low voice which could not be distinguished, and afterward
added more loudly, that 1" he could not understand his being so
much forward with the captain's brat in the forecastle, and he
thought the sooner both of them were overboard the better." To
this no answer was made, but we could easily perceive that the
hint was well received by the whole party, and more particularly
by Jones. At this period I was excessively agitated, the more
so as I could see that heither Augustus nor Peters could determine how to act. I made- up my mind, however, to sell my life





A. GORDON PYM.


75


as dearly as possible, and not to suffer myself to be overcome by
any feelings of trepidation.
The tremendous noise made by the roaring of the wind in the
rigging, and the washing of the sea over the deck, prevented us
from hearing what was said, except during momentary lulls. In
one of these, we all distinctly heard the mate tell one of the
men to " go forward, and order the d-d lubbers to come into
the cabin, where he could have an eye upon them, for he wanted
no such secret doings on board the brig." It was well for us
that the pitching of the vessel at this moment was so violent as
to prevent this order from being carried into instant execution.
The cook got up from his mattress to go for us, when a tremendous lurch, which I thought would carry away the masts, threw
him headlong against one of the larboard state-room doors, bursting it open, and creating a good deal of other confusion. Luckily, neither of our party was thrown from his position, and we
had time to make a precipitate retreat to the forecastle, and arrange a hurried plan of action before the messenger made his
appearance, or rather before he put his head out of the companion-hatch, for he did not come on deck. From this station he
could not notice the absence of Allen, and he accordingly bawled
out, as if to him, repeating the orders of the mate. Peters cried
out, "Ay, ay," in a disguised voice, and the cook immediately
went below, without entertaining a suspicion that all was not
right.
My two companions now proceeded boldly aft and down into
the cabin, Peters closing the door after him in the same manner
he had found it. The mate received them with feigned cordiality, and told Augustus that, since he had behaved himself so well
of late, he might take up his quarters in the cabin, and be one
of them for the future. He then poured him out a tumbler half
full of rum, and made him drink it. All this I saw and heard,
for I followed my friends to the cabin as soon as the door was
shut, and took up my old point of observation. I had brought
with me the two pump-handles, one of which I secured near the
companion-way, to be ready for use when required.
I now steadied myself as well as possible so as to have a good
view of all that was passing within, and endeavored to nervo





76


NARRATIVE OF


myself to the task of descending among the mutineers when Peters should make a signal to me, as agreed upon. Presently he
contrived to turn the conversation upon the bloody deeds of the
mutiny, and, by degrees, led the men to talk of the thousand
superstitions which are so universally current among seamen
I could not make out all that was said, but I could plainly see
the effects of the conversation in the countenances of those present. The mate was evidently much agitated, and presently,
when some one mentioned the terrific appearance of Rogers's
corpse, I thought he was upon the point of swooning. Peters
now asked him if he did not think it would be better to have
the body thrown overboard at once, as it was too horrible a sight
to see it floundering about in the scuppers. At this the villain
absolutely gasped for breath, and turned his head slowly round
upon his companions, as if imploring some one to go up and perform the task. No one, however, stirred, and it was quite evident that the whole party were wound up to the highest pitch
of nervous excitement. Peters now made me the signal. I
immediately threw open the door of the companion-way, and,
descending, without uttering a syllable, stood erect in the midst
of the party.
The intense effect produced by this sudden apparition is not
at all to be wondered at when the various circumstances are
taken into consideration. Usually, in cases of a similar nature,
there is left in the mind of the spectator some glimmering of
doubt as to the reality of the vision before his eyes; a degree
of hope, however feeble, that he is the victim of chicanery, and
that the apparition is not actually a visitant from the world of
shadows. It is not too much to say that such remnants of doubt
have been at the bottom of almost every such visitation, and that
the appalling horror which has sometimes been brought about,
is to be attributed, even in the cases most in point, and where
most suffering has been experienced, more to a kind of anticipative horror, lest the apparition might possibly be real, than to an
unwavering belief in its reality. But, in the present instance,
it will be seen immediately, that in the minds of the mutineers
there was not even the shadow of a basis upon which to rest a
doubt that the apparition of Rogers was indeed a revivification





A. GORDON PYM


1177


of his disgusting corpse, or at least its spiritual image. The
isolated situation of the brig, with its entire inaccessibility on
account of the gale, confined the apparently possible means of
deception within such narrow and definite limits, that they must
have thought themselves enabled to survey them all at a glance.
They had now been at sea twenty-four days, without holding
more than a speaking communication with any vessel whatever.
The whole of the crew, too-at least all whom they had the most
remote reason for suspecting to be on board-were assembled in
the cabin, with the exception of Allen, the watch; and his gigantic stature (he was six feet six inches high) was too familiar in
their eyes to permit the notion that he was the apparition before
them to enter their minds even for an instant. Add to these
considerations the awe-inspiring nature of the tempest, and that
of the conversation brought about by Peters; the deep impression which the loathsomeness of the actual corpse had made in
the morning upon the imaginations of the men; the excellence
of the imitation in my person, and the uncertain and wavering
light in which they beheld me, as the glare of the cabin lantern,
swinging violently to and fro, fell dubiously and fitfully upon my
figure, and there will be no reason to wonder that the deception
had even more than the entire effect which we had anticipated.
The mate sprang up from the mattress on which he was lying,
and, without uttering a syllable, fell back, stone dead, upon the
cabin floor, and was hurled to the leeward like a log by a heavy
roll of the brig. Of the remaining seven, there were but three
who had at first any degree of presence of mind. The four
others sat for some time rooted apparently to the floor-the most
pitiable objects of horror and utter despair my eyes ever encountered. The only opposition we experienced at all was from
the cook, John Hunt, and Richard Parker; but they made but
a feeble and irresolute defence. The two former were shot instantly by Peters, and I felled Parker with a blow on the head
from the pump-handle which I had brought with me. In the
mean time, Augustus seized one of the muskets lying on the
floor, and shot another mutineer (---  Wilson) through the
breast. There were now but three remaining; but by this time
they had become aroused from their lethargy, and perhaps be




78


NARRATIVE OF


gan to see that a deception had been practised upon them, for
they fought with great resolution and fury, and, but for the
immense muscular strength of Peters, might have ultimately got
the better of us. These three men were ---Jones, --- Gree.
ly, and Absalom Hicks. Jones had thrown Augustus on the
floor, stabbed him in several places along the right arm, and
would no doubt have soon dispatched him (as neither Peters
nor myself could immediately get rid of our own antagonists),
had it not been for the timely aid of a friend, upon whose assistance we, surely, had never depended. This friend was no other
than Tiger. With a low growl, he bounded into the cabin, at a
most critical moment for Augustus, and, throwing himself upon
Jones, pinned him to the floor in an instant. My friend, however, was now too much injured to render us any aid whatever,
and I was so encumbered with my disguise that I could do but
little. The dog -ould not leave his hold upon the throat of
Jones-Peters, nevertheless, was far more than a match for the
two men who remained, and would, no doubt, have dispatched
them sooner, had it not been for the narrow space in which he
had to act, and the tremendous lurches of the vessel. Presently
he was enabled to get hold of a heavy stool, several of which lay
about the floor. With this he beat out the brains of Greely as
he was in the act of discharging a musket at me, and immediately afterward a roll of the brig throwing him in contact with
Hicks, he seized him by the throat, and, by dint of sheer strength,
strangled him instantaneously. Thus, in far less time than I
have taken to tell it, we found ourselves masters of the brig.
The only person of our opponents who was left alive was
Richard Parker.  This man, it will be remembered, I had
knocked down with a blow from the pump-handle at the commencement of the attack. He now lay motionless by the door
of the shattered state-room; but, upon Peters touching him with
his foot, he spoke, and entreated for mercy. His head was only
slightly cut, and otherwise he had received no injury, having been
merely stunned by the blow. He now got up, and, for the present, we secured his hands behind his back. The dog was still
growling over Jones; but, upon examination, we found him completely dead, the blood issuing in a stream from a deep wound





A. GORDON PYM.


79


in the throat, inflicted, no doubt, by the sharp teeth of the animal.
It was now about one o'clock in the morning, and the wind
was still blowing tremendously.  The brig evidently labored
much more than usual, and it became absolutely necessary that
something should be done with a view of easing her in some
measure. At almost every roll to leeward she shipped a sea,
several of which came partially down into the cabin during our
scuffle, the hatchway having been left open by myself when I
descended. The entire range of bulwarks to larboard had been
swept away, as well as the caboose, together with the jollyboat
from the counter. The creaking and working of the mainmast,
too, gave indication that it was nearly sprung. To make room
for more stowage in the after hold, the heel of this mast had
been stepped between decks (a very reprehensible practice, occasionally resorted to by ignorant ship-builders), so that it was in
imminent danger of working from its step. But, to crown all
our difficulties, we plummed the well, and found no less than
seven feet water.
Leaving the bodies of the crew lying in the cabin, we got to
work immediately at the pumps-Parker, of course, being set at
iiberty to assist us in the labor. Augustus's arm was bound up as
well as we could effect it, and he did what he could, but that
was not much. However, we found that we could just manage
to keep the leak from gaining upon us by having one pump constantly going. As there were only four of us, this was severe
labor; but we endeavored to keep up our spirits, and looked
anxiously for daybreak, when we hoped to lighten the brig by
cutting away the mainmast.
In this manner we passed a night of terrible anxiety and
fatigue, and, when the day at length broke, the gale had neither
abated in the least, nor were there any signs of its abating. We
now dragged the bodies on deck and threw them overboard.
Our next care was to get rid of the mainmast. The necessary
preparations having been made, Peters cut away at the mast
(having found axes in the cabin), while the rest of us stood by
tile stays and lanyards. As the brig gave a tremendous lee-lurch,
the word was,gven to cut away the weather-lanyards, which





80


NARRATIVE OF


being done, the whole mass of wood and rigging plunged into th,
sea, clear of the brig, and without doing any material injury.
We now found that the vessel did not labor quite as much as
before, but our situation was still exceedingly precarious, and,
in spite of the utmost exertions, we could not gain upon the leak
without the aid of both pumps. The little assistance which Augustus could render us was not really of any importance.  To
add to our distress, a heavy sea, striking the brig to windward,
threw her off several points from the wind, and, before she could
regain her position, another broke completely over her, and
hurled her full upon her beam-ends. The ballast now shifted in
a mass to leeward (the stowage had been knocking about perfectly at random for some time), and for a few moments we
thought nothing could save us from capsizing. Presently, however, we partially righted; but the ballast still retaining its
place to larboard, we lay so much along that it was useless to
think of working the pumps, which indeed we could not have
done much longer in any case, as our hands were entirely raw
with the excessive labor we had undergone, and were bleeding
in the most horrible manner.
Contrary to Parker's advice, we now proceeded to cut away
the foremast, and at length accomplished it after much difficulty,
owing to the position in which we lay. In going overboard the
wreck took with it the bowsprit, and left us a complete hulk.
So far we had had reason to rejoice in the escape of our longboat,
which had received no damage from any of the huge seas which
had come on board. But we had not long to congratulate ourselves; for the foremast having gone, and, of course, the foresail with it, by which the brig had been steadied, every sea now
made a complete breach over us, and in five minutes our deck
was swept from stem to stern, the longboat and starboard bulwarks torn off, and even the windlass shattered into fragments.
It was, indeed, hardly possible for us to be in a more pitiable
condition.
At noon there seemed to be some slight appearance of the gale's
abating, but in this we were sadly disappointed, for it only lulled for
a few minutes to blow with redoubled fury. About four in the
taf'rnnoon it was utterly impossible to stand up again:st the vio




A. GORDON PYM.


81


lence of the blast; and, as the night closed in upon us, I had not a
shadow of hope that the vessel would hold together until morning.
By midnight we had settled very deep in the water, which was
now up to the orlop deck. The rudder went soon afterward,
the sea which tore it away lifting the after portion of the brig
entirely from the water, against which she thumped in her descent with such a concussion as would be occasioned by going
ashore. We had all calculated that the rudder would hold its
own to the last, as it was unusually strong, being rigged as I have
never seen one rigged either before or since. Down its main
timber there ran a succession of stout iron hooks, and others in
the same manner down the stern-post. Through these hooks
there extended a very thick wrought-iron rod, the rudder being
thus held to the stern-post, and swinging freely on the rod. The
tremendous force of the sea which tore it off may be estimated by
the fact, that the hooks in the stern-post, which ran entirely
throught it, being clinched on the inside, were drawn every one
of them completely out of the solid wood.
We had scarcely time to draw breath after the violence of this
shock, when one of the most tremendous waves I had then ever
known broke right on board of us, sweeping the companion-way
clear off, bursting in the hatchways, and filling every inch of the
vessel with water.
CHAPTER IX.
LUCKILY, just before night, all four of us had lashed ourselves
firmly to the fragments of the windlass, lying in this manner as
flat upon the deck as possible. This precaution alone saved us
from destruction. As it was, we were all more or less stunned
by the immense weight of water which tumbled upon us, and
which did not roll from above us until we were nearly exhausted. As soon as I could recover breath, I called aloud to my
companions. Augustus alone replied, saying, "It is all over
with us, and may God have mercy upon our souls."  By-and-by
botli the others were enabled to speak, when they exhorted us to
VOL IV:--6





82                   NARRATIVE OF
take courage, as there was still hope; it being impossible, from
the nature of the cargo, that the brig could go down, and there
being every chance that the gale would blow over by the morning. These words inspired me with new life; for, strange as it
may seem, although it was obvious that a vessel with a cargo of
empty oil-casks would not sink, I had been hitherto so confused
in mind as to have overlooked this consideration altogether; and
the danger which I had for some time regarded as the most imminent was that of foundering. As hope revived within me, I
made use of every opportunity to strengthen the lashings which
held me to the remains of the windlass, and in this occupation I
soon discovered that my companions were also busy. The night
was as dark as it could possibly be, and the horrible shrieking din
and confusion which surrounded us it is useless to attempt describing. Our deck lay level with the sea, or rather we were
encircled with a towering ridge of foam, a portion of which swept
over us every instant. It is not too much to say that our heads
were not fairly out of water more than one second in three.
Although we lay close together, no one of us could see the other,
or, indeed, any portion of the brig itself, upon which we were so
tempestuously hurled about. At intervals we called one to the
other, thus endeavoring to keep alive hope, and render consolation and encouragement to such of us "s stood most in need of it.
The feeble condition of Augustus made him an object of solicitude with us all; and as, from the lacerated condition of his
right arm, it must have been impossible for him to secure his
lashings with any degree of firmness, we were in momentary expectation of finding that he had gone overboard-yet to render
him aid was a thing altogether out of the question. Fortunately,
his station was more secure than that of any of the rest of us; for
the upper part of his body lying just beneath a portion of the
shattered windlass, the seas, as they tumbled in upon him, were
greatly broken in thcir violence. In any other situation than
this (into which he had been accidentally thrown after having
lashed himself in a very exposed spot) he must inevitably have
perished before morning. Owing to the brig's lying so nmulli
along, we were all less liable to be washed off than otlerwise
would have been the en e. The heel, as I have before stated,





A. GORDON PYM.                     83
was to larboard, about one half of the deck being constantly under
water. The seas, therefore, which struck us to starboard were
much broken by the vessel's side, only reaching us in fragments
as we lay flat on our faces; while those which came from larboard,
being what are called back-water seas, and obtaining little hold
upon us on account of our posture, had not sufficient force to drag
us from our fastenings.
In this frightful situation we lay until the day broke so as to
show us more fully the horrors which surrounded us. The brig
was a mere log, rolling about at the mercy of every wave; the
gale was upon the increase, if anything, blowing indeed a complete hurricane, and there appeared to us no earthly prospect of
deliverance. For several hours we held on in silence, expecting
every moment that our lashings would either give way, that the
remains of the windlass would go by the board, or that some of
the huge seas, which roared in every direction around us and
above us, would drive the hulk so far beneath the water that we
should be drowned before it could regain the surface. By the
mercy of God, however, we were preserved from these tmminent
dangers, and about midday were cheered by the light of the
blessed sun. Shortly afterward we could perceive a sensible
diminution in the force of the wind, when, now for the first time
since the latter part of the evening before, Augustus spoke, asking Peters, who lay closest to him, if he thought there was any
possibility of our being saved. As no reply was at first made to
this question, we all concluded that the hybrid had been drowned
where he lay; but presently, to our great joy, he spoke, although
very feebly, saying that he was in great pain, being so cut by the
tightness of his lashings across the stomach, that he must either
find means of loosening them or perish, as it was impossible that
lie could endure his misery much longer. This occasioned us
great distress, as it was altogether useless to think of aiding him
in any manner while the sea continued washing over us as it did.
We exhorted him to bear his sufferings with fortitude, and promised to seize the first opportunity which should offer itself to
relieve him. He replied that it would soon be too late; that it
would be all over witli him before we could help him; and then,





84


NARRATIVE OF


after moaning for some minutes, lay silent, when we concluded
that he had perished.
As the evening drew on, the sea had fallen so much that
scarcely more than one wave broke over the hulk from windward
in the course of five minutes, and the wind had abated a great
deal, although still blowing a severe gale. I had not heard any
of my companions speak for hours, and now called to Auguustus.
He replied, although very feebly, so that I could not distinguish
what he said. I then spoke to Peters and to Parker, neither of
whom returned any answer.
Shortly after this period I fell into a state of partial insensibility, during which the most pleasing images floated in my imagination; such as green trees, waving meadows of ripe grain,
processions of dancing girls, troops of cavalry, and other phantasies. I now remember that, in all which passed before my
mind's eye, motion was a predominant idea. Thus, I never fancied any stationary object, such as a house, a mountain, or anything of that kind; but windmills, ships, large birds, balloons,
people on horseback, carriages driving furiously, and similar
moving objects, presented themselves in endless succession.
When I recovered from this state, the sun was, as near as I
could guess, an hour high. I had the greatest difficulty in bringing to recollection the various circumstances connected with my
situation, and for some time remained firmly convinced that I
was still in the hold of the brig, near the box, and that the body
of Parker was that of Tiger.
When I at length completely came to my senses, I found that
the wind blew no more than a moderate breeze, and that the sea
was comparatively calm; so much so that it only washed over
the brig amidships. My left arm had broken loose from its
lashings, and was much cut about the elbow; my right was entirely benumbed, and the hand and wrist swollen prodigiously
by the pressure of the rope, which had worked from the shoulder
downward. I was also in great pain from another rope which
went about my waist, and had been drawn to an insufferable degree of tightness. Looking round upon my companions, I saw
that Peters still lived, although a thick line was pulled so forcibly around hi-k loin as to give him the appearance of being cut





A. GORDON PYM


nearly in two; as I stirred, he made a feeble motion to me with
his hand, pointing to the rope. Augustus gave no indication of
life whatever, and was bent nearly double across a splinter of the
windlass. Parker spoke to me when he saw me moving, and
asked me if I had not sufficient strength to release him from his
situation, saying, that if I would summon up what spirits I could,
and contrive to untie him, we might yet save our lives; but that
otherwise we must all perish. I told him to take courage, and I
would endeavor to free him. Feeling in my pantaloon's pocket,
I got hold of my penknife, and, after several ineffectual
attempts, at length succeeded in opening it. I then, with my left
hand, managed to free my right from its fastenings, and afterward cut the other ropes which held me. Upon attempting, how
ever, to move from my position, I found that my legs failed me
altogether, and that I could not get up; neither could I move
my right arm in any direction. Upon mentioning this to Parker,
he advised me to lie quiet for a few minutes, holding on to the
windlass with my left hand, so as to allow time for the blood to
circulate. Doing this, the numbness presently began to die away,
so that I could move first one of my legs, and then the other;
and, shortly afterward, I regained the partial use of my right
arm. I now rawled with great caution towards Parker, without
getting on my legs, and soon cut loose all the lashings about him,
when, after a short delay, he also recovered the partial use of
his limbs. We now lost no time in getting loose the rope from
Peters. It had cut a deep gash through the waistband of his
woollen pantaloons, aud through two shirts, and made its way
into his groin, from which the blood flowed out copiously as we
removed the cordage. No sooner had we removed it, however,
than he spoke, and seemed to experience instant relief-being
able to move with much greater ease than   either Parker
or myself-this was no doubt owing to the discharge of
blood.
We had little hope that Augustus would recover, as he evinced
no signs of life; but, upon getting to him, we discovered that he
had merely swooned from loss of blood, the bandages we had
placed around his wounded arm having been torn off by the
water; none of the ropes which held him to the windlass were





86                   NARRATIVE OF
drawn sufficiently tight to occasion his death. Having relieved
him from the fastenings, and got him clear of the broken wood
about the windlass, we secured him in a dry place to windward,
with his head somewhat lower than his body, and all three of
us busied ourselves in chafing his limbs. In about half an hour
he came to himself, although it was not until the next morning
that he gave signs of recognizing any of us, or had sufficient
strength to speak. By the time we had thus got clear of our
lashings it was quite dark, and it began to cloud up, so that we
were again in the greatest agony lest it should come on to blow
hard, in which event nothing could have saved us from perishing,
exhausted as we were. By good fortune it continued very moderate during the night, the sea subsiding every minute, which
gave us great hopes of ultimate preservation. A gentle breeze
still blew from the N. W., but the weather was not at all cold.
Augustus was lashed carefully to windward in such a manner as
to prevent him from slipping overboard with the rolls of the
vessel, as he was still too weak to hold on at all. For ourselves
there was no such necessity. We sat close together, supporting
each other with the aid of the broken ropes about the windlass,
and devising methods of escape from our frightful situation.
We derived much comfort from taking off our clothes and wringing the water from them. When we put them on after this, they
felt remarkably warm and pleasant, and served to invigorate us
in no little degree.  We helped Augustus off with his, and
wrung them for him, when he experienced the same comfort.
Our chief sufferings were now those of hunger and thirst, and,
when we looked forward to the means of relief in this respect,
our hearts sunk within us, and we were induced to regret that
we had escaped the less dreadful perils of the sea. We endeavored, however, to console ourselves with the hope of being
speedily picked up by some vessel, and encouraged each other to
bear with fortitude the evils that might happen.
The morning of the fourteenth at length dawned, and the
weather still continued clear and pleasant, with a steady but very
light breeze from the N. W. The sea was now quite smooth,
and as, fiomn some cause which we could not determine, the brig
did not lie so much along as she had done before, the deck was





A. GORDON PYM.


comparatively dry, and we could move about with freedom. We
had now been better than three entire days and nights without
either food or drink, and it became absolutely necessary that we
should make an attempt to get up something from below. As
the brig was completely full of water, we went to this work despondingly, and with but little expectation of being able to obtain
anything. We made a kind of drag by driving some nails which
we broke out from the remains of the companion-hatch into two
pieces of wood. Tying these across each other, and fastening
them to the end of a rope, we threw them into the cabin, and
dragged them to and fro, in the faint hope of being thus able to
entangle some article which might be of use to us for food, or
which might at least render us assistance in getting it. We
spent the greater part of the morning in this labor without effect,
fishing up nothing more than a few bedclothes, which were readily caught by the nails. Indeed, our contrivance was so very
clumsy, that any greater success was hardly to be anticipated.
We now tried the forecastle, but equally in vain, and were
upon the brink of despair, when Peters proposed that we should
fasten a rope to his body, and let him make an attempt to get up
something by diving into the cabin. This proposition we hailed
with all the delight which reviving hope could inspire. He proceeded immediately to strip ofF his clothes with the exception of
his pantaloons; and a strong rope was then carefully fastened
around his middle, being brought up over his shoulders in such a
manner that there was no possibility of its slipping. The undertaking was one of great difficulty and danger; for, as we could
hardly expect to find much, if any provision in the cabin itself, it
was necessary that the diver, after letting himself down, should
make a turn to the right, and proceed under water a distance of
ten or twelve feet, in a narrow passage, to the storeroom, and
return, without drawing breath.
Everything being ready, Peters now descended into the cabin,
going down the companion-ladder until the water reached his
chin. He then plunged in, head first, turning to the right as he
plunged, and endeavoring to make his way to the storeroom. In
this first attempt, however, he was altogether unsuccessful. In
less than half a. minute after his going down we felt the rope.





NARRATIVE OF


jerked violently (the signal we had agreed upon when he desired
to be drawn up). We accordingly drew him up instantly, but so
incautiously as to bruise him badly against the ladder. IHe had
brought nothing with him, and had been unable to penetrate more
than a very little way into the passage, owing to the constant exertions he found it necessary to make in order to keep himself from
floating up against the deck. Upon getting out he was very
much exhausted, and had to rest full fifteen minutes before he
could again venture te descend.
The second attempt met with even worse success; for he remained so long under water without giving the signal, that,
becoming alarmed for his safety, we drew him out without it, and
found that he was almost at the last gasp, having, as he said, repeatedly jerked at the rope without our feeling it. This was
probably owing to a portion of it having become entangled in the
balustrade at the foot of the ladder. This balustrade was, indeed,
so much in the way, that we determined to remove it, if possible,
before proceeding with our design. As we had no means of getting it away except by main force, we all descended into the
water as far as we could on the ladder, and giving a pull against
it with our united strength, succeeded in breaking it down.
The third attempt was equally unsuccessful with the two first,
and it now became evident that iVthing could be done in this
manner without the aid of some weight with which the diver
might steady himself, and keep to the floor of the cabin while
making his search. For a long time we looked about in vain for
something which might answer this purpose; but at length, to our
great joy, we discovered one of the weather-forechains so loose that
we had not the least difficulty in wrenching it off. Having fastened this securely to one of his ankels, Peters now made his
fourth descent into the cabin, and this time succeeded in making
his way to the door of the steward's room. To his inexpressible
grief, however, he found it locked, and was obliged to return
without effecting an e-nrance, as, with the greatest exertion, he
could remain under water not more, at the utmost extent, than a
single minute. Our affairs now looked gloomy indeed, and neither Augustus nor myself could refrain from bursting into tears,
as we thought of the host of difficulties which encompassed us,





A. GORDON PYM.


and the slight probability which existed of our finally making an
escape. But this weakness was not of long duration. Throwing
ourselves on our knees to God, we implored his aid in the many
dangers which beset us; and arose with renewed hope and vigor
to think what could yet be done by mortal means towards ac
complishing our deliverance.
CHAPTER X.
SHORTLY afterward an incident occurred which I am induced
to look upon as more intensely productive of emotion, as far more
replete with the extremes first of delight and then of horror, than
even any of the thousand chances which afterward befell me in
nine long years, crowded with events of the most startling, and,
in many cases, of the most unconceived and unconceivable character. We were lying on the deck near the companion-way, and
debating the possibility of yet making our way into the storeroom, when, looking towards Augustus, who lay fronting myself,
I perceived that he had become all at once deadly pale, and that
his lips were quivering in the most singular and unaccountable
manner. Greatly alarmed, I spoke to him, but he made me no
reply, and I was beginning to think that he was suddenly taken
ill, when I took notice of his eyes, which were glaring apparently at some object behind me. I turned my head, and shall
never forget the ecstatic joy which thrilled through every particle
of my frame, when I perceived a large brig bearing down upon
us, and not more than a couple of miles off. I sprung to my feet
as if a musket bullet had suddenly struck me to the heart; and,
stretching out my arms in the direction of the vessel, stood in this
manner, motionless, and unable to articulate a syllable. Peters and
Parker were equally affected, although in different ways. The
former danced about the deck like a madman, uttering the most
extravagant rhodomontades, intermingled with howls and imprecations, while the latter burst into tears, and continued for many
minutes weeping like a child.





90


NARRATIVE OF


The vessel in sight was a large hermaphrodite brig, of a Dutch
build, and painted black, with a tawdry gilt figurehead. She
had evidently seen a good deal of rough weather, and, we supposed, had suffered much in the gale which had proved so disastrous to ourselves; for her foretopmast was gone, and some of
her starboard bulwarks. When we first saw her, she was, as I
have already said, about two miles off and to windward, bearing
down upon us. The breeze was very gentle, and what astonished
us chiefly was, that she had no other sails set than her foresail
and mainsail, with a flying jib-of course she came down but
slowly, and our impatience amounted nearly to phrensy. The
awkward manner in which she steered, too, was remarked by all
of us, even excited as we were. She yawed about so considerably, that once or twice we thought it impossible she could see
us, or imagined that, having seen us, and discovered no person
on board, she was about to tack and make off in another direction. Upon each of these occasions we screamed and shouted
at the top of our voices, when the stranger would appear to
change for a moment her intention, and again hold on towards
us-this singular conduct being repeated two or three times, so
that at last we could think of no other manner of accounting
for it than by supposing the helmsman to be in liquor.
No person was seen upon her decks until she arrived within
about a quarter of a mile of us. We then saw three seamen,
whom by their dress we took to be Hollanders. Two of these
were lying on some old sails near the forecastle, and the third,
who appeared to be looking at us with great curiosity, was leaning over the starboard bow near the bowsprit. This last was a
stout and tall man, with a very dark skin. IHe seemed by his
manner to be encouraging us to have patience, nodding to us in
a cheerful although rather odd way, and smiling constantly, so
as to display a set of the most brilliantly white teeth. As his
vessel drew nearer, we saw a red flannel cap which he had on
fall from his head into the water; but of this he took little or n
notice, continuing his odd smiles and gesticulations. I relate
these things and circumstances minutely, and I relate them, it
must be understood, precisely as they appeared to us.
The brig came on slowly, and now more steadily than before,





A. GORDON PYM.


91


and-I cannot speak calmly of this event-our hearts leaped up
wildly within us, and we poured out our whole souls in shouts
and thanksgiving to God for the complete, unexpected, and glorious deliverance that was so pallpably at hand. Of a sudden,
and all at once, there came wafted over the ocean from the strange
vessel (which was now close upon us) a smell, a stench, such as
the whole world has no name for-no conception of-hellishutterly suffocating-insufferable, inconceivable. I gasped for
breath, and turning to my companions, perceived that they were
paler than marble. But we had now no time left for question
or surmise-the brig was within fifty feet of us, and it seemed to be
her intention to run under our counter, that we might board her
without her putting out a boat. We rushed aft, when, suddenly, a
wide yaw threw her off full five or six points from the course she
had been running, and, as she passed under our stern at the distance
of about twenty feet, we had a full view of her decks. Shall I
ever forget the triple horror of that spectacle? Twenty-five or
thirty human bodies, among whom were several females, lay
scattered about between the counter and the galley in the last
and most loathsome state of putrefaction. We plainly saw that
not a soul lived in that fated vessel! Yet we could not help
shouting to the dead for help I Yes, long and loudly did we beg,
in the agony of the moment, that those silent and disgusting
images would stay for us, would not abandon us to become like
them, would receive us among their goodly company! We were
raving with horror and despair-thoroughly mad through the
anguish of our grievous disappointment.
As our first loud yell of terror broke forth, it was replied to
by something, from near the bowsprit of the stranger, so closely
resembling the scream of a human voice that the nicest ear
might have been startled and deceived. At this instant another
sudden yaw brought the region of the forecastle for a moment
into view, and we beheld at once the origin of the sound. We
saw the tall stout figure still leaning on the bulwark, and still
nodding his head to and fro, but his face was now turned from us
so that we could not behold it. His arms were extended over
';he rail, and the palms of his hands fell outward. His knees
xere lodged upon a stout rope, tighty stretched, and reaching





92


NARRATIVE OF


from the heel of the bowsprit to a cathead. On his back, from
which a portion of the shirt had been torn, leaving it bare, there
sat a huge seagull, busily gorging itself with the horrible flesh, its
bill and talons deep buried, aind its white plumage spattered all
over with blood. As the brig moved further round so as to bring
us close in view, the bird, with much apparent difficulty, drew
out its crimsoned head, and, after eying us for a moment as if
stupefied, arose lazily from the body upon which it had been feasting, and, flying directly above our deck, hovered there a while
with a portion of clotted and liver-like substance in its beak.
The horrid morsel dropped at length with a sullen splash immediately at the feet of Parker. May God forgive me, but now,
for the first time, there flashed through my mind a thought, a
thought which I will not mention, and I felt myself making a
step towards the ensanguined spot. I looked upward, and the
eyes of Augustus met my own with a degree of intense and
eager meaning which immediately brought me to my senses. I
sprang forward quickly, and, with a deep shudder, threw the
frightful thing into the sea.
The body from which it had been taken, resting as it did
upon the rope, had been easily swayed to and fio by the
exertions of the carnivorous bird, and it was this motion which
had at first impressed us with the belief of its being alive.
As the gull relieved it of its weight, it swung round and fell
partially over, so that the face was fully discovered. Never,
surely, was any object so terribly full of awe! The eyes were
gone, and the whole flesh around the mouth, leaving the teeth
utterly naked. This, then, was the smile which had cheered us
on to hope! this the-but I forbear. The brig, as I have already
told, passed under our stern, and made its way slowly but steadily to leeward. With her and with her terrible crew went all
our gay visions of deliverance and joy. Deliberately as she went
by, we might possibly have found means of boarding her, had
not our sudden disappointment, and the appalling nature of the
discovery which accompanied it, laid entirely prostrate every
active faculty of mind and body. We had seen and felt, but we
could neither think nor act until, alas, too late. How much our
intellects had been weakeAd by this incident may be estimated





A. GORDON PYM.


by the fact, that when the vessel had proceeded so far that we
could perceive no more than the half of her hull, the proposition was seriously entertained of attempting to overtake her by
swimming!
I have, since this period, vainly endeavored to obtain some
clew to the hideous uncertainty which enveloped the fate of the
stranger. Her build and general appearance, as I have before
stated, led us to the belief that she was a Dutch trader, and the
dresses of the crew also sustained this opinion. We might have
easily seen the name upon her stern, and, indeed, taken other
observations, which would have guided us in making out her
character; but the intense excitement of the moment blinded
us to everything of that nature. From the saffron-like hue of
such of the corpses as were not entirely decayed, we concluded
that the whole of her company had perished by the yellow fever,
or some other virulent disease of the same fearful kind. If such
were the case (and I know not what e&se to imagine), death, t
judge from the positions of the bodies, must have come upor
them in a manner awfully sudden and overwhelming, in a way
totally distinct from that which generally characterizes even the
most deadly pestilences with which mankind are acquainted.
It is possible, indeed, that poison, accidentally introduced into
some of their sea-stores, may have brought about the disaster;
or that the eating some unknown venomous species of fish, or
other marine animal, or oceanic bird, might have induced it-but
it is utterly useless to form conjectures where all is involved, and
will, no doubt, remain for ever involved, in the most appalling
and unfathomable mystery.
CHAPTER XI.
WE spent the remainder of the day in a condition of stupid
lethargy, gazing after the retreating vessel until the darkness,
hiding her from our sight, recalled us in some measure to our
senses. The pangs of hunger and thirst then returned, absorbing
all other cares and considerations. Nothing, however, could be
done until the morning, and, securing ourselves as well as possi.





NARRATIVE OF


ble, we endeavored to snatch a little repose. In this I succeeded
beyond my expectations, sleeping until my companions, who had
not been so fortunate, aroused me at daybreak to renew our
attempts at getting up provision from the hull.
It was now a dead calm, with the sea as smooth as I have ever
known it-the weather warm and pleasant. The brig was out
of sight. We commenced our operations by wrenching off, with
some trouble, another of the forechains; and having fastened
both to Peters's feet, he again made an endeavor to reach tie
door of the store-room, thinking it possible that he might be able
to force it open, provided he could get at it in sufficient time;
and this he hoped to do, as the hulk lay much more steadily than
before.
He succeeded very quickly in reaching the door, when, loosening one of the chains from his ankle, lie made every exertion to
force a passage with it, but in vain, the framework of the room
being far stronger than was anticipated. He was quite exhausted with his long stay under water, and it became absolutely
necessary that some other one of us should take his place. For
this service Parker immediately volunteered; but, after making
three ineffectual efforts, found that he could never even succeed
in getting near the door. The condition of Augustus's wounded
arm rendered it useless for him to attempt going down, as lie
would be unable to force the room open should he reach it, and
it accordingly now devolved upon me to exert myself for our
common deliverance.
Peters had left one of the chains in the passage, and I found,
upon plunging in, that I had not sufficient balance to keep me
firmly down. I determined, therefore, to attempt no more, in my
first effort, than merely to recover the other chain. In groping
along the floor of the passage for this, I felt a hard substance,
which I immediately grasped, not having time to ascertain what
it was, but returning and ascending instantly to the surface. The
prize proved to be a bottle, and our joy may be conceived when
I say that it was found to be full of Port wine. Giving thanks
to God for this timely and cheering assistance, we immediately
drew the cork witlh my penknife, and, each taking a mioderatn
sup, felt the most indescribable comfort from the warmth, strength,





A. GORDON PYM.


95


and spirits with which it inspired us. We then carefully recorked the bottle, and, by means of a handkerchief, swung it in
such a manner that there was no possibility of its getting
broken.
Having rested a while after this fortunate discovery, I again
descended, and now recovered the chain, with which I instantly
came up. I then fastened it on and went down for the third
time, when I became fully satisfied that no exertions whatever,
in that situation, would enable me to force open the door of the
store-room. I therefore returned in despair.
There seemed now to be no longer any room for hope, and I
could perceive in the countenances of my companions that they
had made up their minds to perish. The wine had evidently
produced in them a species of delirium, which, perhaps, I had
been prevented from feeling by the immersion I had undergone
since drinking it. They talked incoherently, and about matters
unconnected with our condition, Peters repeatedly asking me
questions about Nantucket.  Augustus, too, I remember, approached me with a serious air, and requested me to lend him a
pocket-comb, as his hair was full of fish-scales, and he wished to
get them out before going on shorie. Parker appeared somewhat
less affected, and urged me to dive at random into the cabin, and
bring up any article which might come to hand.  To this I ccnsented, and, in the first attempt, after staying under a full minute,
brought up a small leather trunk belonging to Captain Barnard.
This was immediately opened in the faint hope that it might contain something to eat or drink. We found nothing, however,
except a box of razors and- two linen shirts. I now went down
again, and returned without any success. As my head came
above water T heard a crash on deck, and, upon getting up, saw
that my companions had ungratefully taken advantage of my
absence to drink the remainder of the wine, having let the bottle
fall in the endeavor to replace it before I saw them. I remonstrated with them on the heartlessness of their conduct, when
Augustus burst into tears. The other two endeavored to laugh
the matter off as a joke, but I hope never again to behold laughter of such a speeies: the distortion of countenance was absolutely
frightful. Indeed, it was apparent that the stimiula:, in tihe





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empty state of their stomachs, had taken instant and violent effect, and that they were all exceedingly intoxicated. With great
difficulty I prevailed upon them to lie down, when they fell very
soon into a heavy slumber, accompanied with loud stertorous
breathing.
I now found myself, as it were, alone in the brig, and my reflections, to be sure, were of the most fearful and gloomy nature.
No prospect offered itself to my view but a lingering death by
famine, or, at the best, by being overwhelmed in the first gale
which should spring up, for in our present exhausted condition
we could have no hope of living through another.
The gnawing hunger which I now experienced was nearly
insupportable, and I felt myself capable of going to any lengths
in order to appease it. With my knife I cut off a small portion
of the leather trunk, and endeavored to eat it, but found it utterly
impossible to swallow a single morsel, although I fancied that
some little alleviation of my suffering was obtained by chewing
small pieces of it and spitting them out. Towards night my
companions awoke, one by one, each in an indescribable state of
weakness and horror, brought on by the wine, whose fumes had
now evaporated. They shook.as if with a violent ague, and
uttered the most lamentable cries for water. Their condition
affected me in the most lively degree, at the same time causing
me to rejoice in the fortunate train of circumstances which had
prevented me from indulging in the wine, and consequently
from sharing their melancholy and most distressing sensations.
Their conduct, however, gave me great uneasiness and alarm;
for it was evident that, unless some favorable change took place,
they could afford me no assistance in providing for our common
safety. I had not yet abandoned all idea of being able to get up
something from below; but the attempt could not possibly be resumed until some one of them was sufficiently master of himself
to aid me by holding the end of the rope while I went down.
Parker appeared to be somewhat more in possession of his senses
than the others, and I endeavored, by every means in my power,
to arouse him. Thinking that a plunge in the sea-water might
have a beneficial effect, I contrived to fasten the end of a rope
around his body, and then, leading him to the companion-way





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97


(he remaining quite passive all the while), pushed him in, and
immediately drew him out. I had good reason to congratulate
myself upon having made this experiment; for he appeared much
revived and invigorated, and, upon getting out, asked me, in a
rational manner, why I had so served him. Having explained
my object, he expressed himself indebted to me, and said that he
felt greatly better from the immersion, afterward conversing
sensibly upon our situation. We then resolved to treat Augustus
and Peters in the same way, which we immediately did, when
they both experienced much benefit from the shock. This idea
of sudden immersion had been suggested to me by reading in
some medical work the good effect of the shower-bath in a case
where the patient was suffering from mania a potu.
Finding that I could now trust my companions to hold the end
of the rope, I again made three or four plunges into the cabin,
although it was now quite dark, and a gentle but long swell from
the northward rendered the hulk somewhat unsteady. In the
course of these a'tempts I succeeded in bringing up two caseknives, a three-gallon jug, empty, and a blanket, but nothing
which could serve us for food. I continued my efforts, after
getting these articles, until I was completely exhausted, but
brought up nothing else. During the night Parker and Peters
occupied themselves by turns in the same manner; but nothing
coming to hand, we now gave up this attempt in despair, coneluding that we were exhaustinig ourselves in vain.
We passed the remainder of this night in a state of the most
intense mental and bodily anguish that can ppssibly be imagined.
The morning of the sixteenth at length dawned, and we looked
eagerly around the horizon for relief, but to no purpose. The
sea was still smooth, with only a long swell from the northward,
as on yesterday. This was the sixth day since we had tasted
either food or drink, with the exception of the bottle of Port
wine, and it was clear that we could hold out but a very little
while longer unless something could be obtained. I never saw
before, nor wish to see again, human beings so utterly emaciated
as Peters and Augustus. Had I met them on shore in their
present condition I should not have had the slightest suspicion
that I had ever beheld them. Their countenances were totally
VOL. V.-7





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NA-RRATIVE OF


changed in character, so that I could not bring myself to believe
them really the same individuals with whom I had been in company but a few days before. Parker, although sadly reduced,
and so feeble that he could not raise his head from his bosom,
was not so far gone as the other two. He suffered with great
patience, making no complaint, and endeavoring to inspire us
with hope in every manner he could devise. For myself, a!.
though at the commencement of the voyage I had been in bad
health, and was at all times of a delicate constitution, I suffered
less than any of us, being much less reduced in frame, and
retaining my powers of mind in a surprising degree, while the
rest were completely prostrated in intellect, and seemed to be
brought to a species of second childhood, generally- simpering
in their expressions, with idiotic smiles, and uttering the most
absurd platitudes..At intervals, however, they would appear to
revive suddenly, as if inspired all at once with a consciousness
of their condition, when they would spring upon their feet in a
momentary flash of vigor, and speak, for a short period, of their
prospects, in a manner altogether rational, although full of the
most intense despair..- It is possible, however, that my companions may have entertained the same opinion of their own condition as I did of mine, and that I may have unwittingly been guilty
of the same extravagances and imbecilities as themselves-this,s a matter which cannot be determined.
About noon Parker declared that he saw land off the larboard
-\uarter, and it was with. the utmost difficulty I could restrain
him from plunging into the sea with the view of swimming
towards it. Peters and Augustus took little notice of what he
said, being apparently wrapped up in moody contemplation.
Upon looking in the direction pointed out, I could not perceive
the faintest appearance of the shore-indeed, I was too well
aware that we were far from any land to indulge in a hope of
that nature. It was a long time, nevertheless, before I could
convince Parker of his mistake. He then burst into a flood of
tears, weeping like a child, with loud cries and sobs, for two or
three hours, when, becoming exhausted, he fell asleep.
Peters and Augustus now made several ineffectual efforts to
swallow portions of the leather. VIadvised them to chew it and





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99


spit it out; but they were too excessively debilitated to be able
to follow my advice. I continued to chew pieces of it at intervals, and found some relief from so doing; my chief distress was
for water, and I was only prevented from taking a draught from
the sea by remembering the horrible consequences which thus
have resulted to others who were similarly situated with ourselves.
The day wore on in this manner, when I suddenly discovered a
sail to the eastward, and on our larboard bow. She appeared to
be a large ship, and was coming nearly athwart us, being probably twelve or fifteen miles distant. None of my companions
had as yet discovered her, and I forbore to tell them of her for
the present, lest we might again be disappointed of relief. At
length, upon her getting nearer, I saw distinctly that she was
heading immediately for us, with her light sails filled. I could
now contain myself no longer, and pointed her out to my fellowsufferers. They immediately sprang to their feet, again indulging in the most extravagant demonstrations of joy, weeping,
laughing in an idiotic manner, jumping, stamping upon the deck,
tearing their hair, and praying and cursing by turns. I was so
affected by their conduct, as well as by what I now considere. a
sure prospect of deliverance, that I could not refrain from joining
in with their madness, and gave way to the impulses of my
gratitude and ecstasy by lying and rolling on the deck, clapping
my hands, shouting, and other similar acts, until I was suddenly
called to my recollection, and once more to the extreme of human
misery and despair, by perceiving the ship all at once with her
stern fully presented towards us, and steering in a direction
nearly opposite to that in which I had at first perceived her.
It was some time before I could induce my poor companions to
believe that this sad reverse in our prospects had actually taken
place. They replied to all my assertions with a stare and a gesture implying that they were not to be deceived by such misrepresentations. The conduct of Augustus most sensibly affected
me. In spite of all I could say or do to the contrary, he persisted in saying that the ship was rapidly nearing us, and in
making preparations to go on board of her. Some sea-weed
floating by the brig, lie maintained that it was the ship's boat,
and endeavored to throw himself upon it, howling and shrieking





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NARRATIVE OF


in the most heart-rending manner, when I forcibly restrained him
from thus casting himself into the sea.
Having become in some degree pacified, we continued to
watch the ship until we finally lost sight of her, the weather
becoming hazy, with a light breeze springing up. As soon as
she was entirely gone, Parker turned suddenly towards me with
an expression of countenance which made me shudder. There
was about him an air of self-possession which I had not noticed
in him until now, and before he opened his lips my heart told me
what he would say. He proposed, in a few words, that one of
us should die to preserve the existence of the others.
CHAPTER XII.
I HAD, for some time past, dwelt upon the prospect of our being
reduced to this last horrible extremity, and had secretly made up
my mind to suffer death in any shape or under any circumstances rather than resort to such a course. Nor was this resolution
in any degree weakened by the present intensity of hunger under
which I labored. The proposition had not been heard by either
Peters or Augustus. I therefore took Parker aside; and mentally praying to God for power to dissuade him from the horrible
purpose he entertained, I expostulated with him for a long time,
and in the most supplicating manner, begging him in the name
of everything which he held sacred, and urging him by every
species of argument which the extremity of the case suggested,
to abandon the idea, and not to mention it to either of the other
two.
He heard all I said without attempting to controvert any of
my arguments, and I had begun to hope that he would be prevailed upon to do as I desired. But when I had ceased speaking,
he said that he knew very well all I had said was true, and that
to resort to such a course was the most horrible alternative which
could enter into the mind of man; but that he had now held out
as long as human nature could be sustained; that it was unnecessary for all to perish, when, by the death of one, it was





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101


possible, and even probable, that the rest might be finally pre.
served; adding that I might save myself the trouble of trying to
turn him from his purpose, his mind having been thoroughly
made up on the subject even before the appearance of the ship,
and that only her heaving in sight had prevented him from
mentioning his intention at an earlier period.
I now begged him, if he would not be prevailud upon to abandon
his design, at least to defer it for another day, when some vessel
might come to our relief; again reiterating every argument I
could devise, and which I thought likely to have influence with
one of his rough nature. He said, in reply, that he had not
spoken until the very last possible moment; that he could exist
no longer without sustenance of some kind; and that therefore in
another day his suggestion would be too late, as regarded himself
at least.
Finding that he was not to be moved by anything I could say
in a mild tone, I now assumed a different demeanor, and told him
that he must be aware I had suffered less than any of us from
our calamities; that my health and strength, consequently, were
at that moment far better than his own, or than that either of
Peters or Augustus; in short, that I was in a condition to have
my own way by force if I found it necessary; and that, if he
attempted in any manner to acquaint the others with his bloody
and cannibal designs, I would not hesitate to throw him into the
sea. Upon this he immediately seized me by the throat, and
drawing a knife, made several ineffectual efforts to stab me in
the stomach; an atrocity which his excessive debility alone prevented him from accomplishing. In the mean time, being roused
to a high pitch of anger, I forced him to the vessel's side, with
the full intention of throwing him overboard. He was saved
from this fate, however, by the interference of Peters, who now
approached and separated us, asking the cause of the disturbance.
This Parker told before I could find means in any manner to
prevent him.
The effect of his words was even more terrible than what I
had anticipated. Both Augustus and Peters, who, it seems, had
long secretly entertained the same fearful idea which Parker had
been merely the first to broach, joined with him in his design,





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NARRATIVE OF


and insisted upon its immediately being carried into effect. 1
had calculated that one at least of the two former would be found
still possessed of sufficient strength of mind to side with myself
in resisting any attempt to execute so dreadful a purpose; and,
with the aid of either one of them, I had no fear of being able to
prevent its accomplishment. Being disappointed in this expectation, it became absolutely necessary that I should attend to my
own safety, as a further resistance on my part might possibly be
considered by men in their frightful condition a sufficient excuse
for refusing me fair play in the tragedy that I knew would
speedily be enacted.
I now told them I was willing to submit to the proposal,
merely requesting a delay of about one hour, in order that the
fog which had gathered around us might have an opportunity of
lifting, when it was possible that the ship we had seen might be again
in sight. After great difficulty I obtained from them a promise
to wait thus long; and, as I had anticipated (a breeze rapidly
coming in), the fog lifted before the hour had expired, when, no
vessel appearing in sight, we prepared to draw lots.
It is with extreme reluctance that I dwell upon the appalling
scene which ensued; a scene which, with its minutest details, no
after events have been able to efface in the slightest degree from
my memory, and whose stern recollection will embitter every
future moment of my existence. Let me run over this portion of
my narrative with as much haste as the nature of the events to
be spoken of will permit. The only method we could devise for
the terrific lottery, in which we were to take each a chance, was
that of drawing straws. Small splinters of wood were made to
answer our purpose, and it was agreed that I should be the holder. I retired to one end of the hulk, while my poor companions
silently took up their station in the other with their backs turned
towards me. The bitterest anxiety which I endured at any
period of this fearful drama was while I occupied myself in the
arrangement of the lots. There are few conditions into which
man can possibly fall where he will not feel a deep interest in
the preservation of his existence; an interest momentarily increasing with the frailness of the tenure by which that existence
maiy be held. But now that the silent, definite, and stern nature





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103


of the business in which I was engaged (so different from the
tumultuous dangers of the storm or the gradually approaching
horrors of famine) allowed me to reflect on the few chances I had
of escaping the most appalling of deaths-a death for the most
appalling of purposes-every particle of that energy which had
so long buoyed me up departed like feathers before the wind,
leaving me a helpless prey to the most abject and pitiable terror.
I could not, at first, even summon up sufficient strength to tear
and fit together the small splinters of wood, my finrgers absolutely
refusing their office, and my knees knocking violently against
each other. My mind ran over rapidly a thousand absurd projects by which to avoid becoming a partner in the awful speculation. I thought of falling on my knees to my companions. and
entreating them to let me escape this necessity; of suddenly
rushing upon them, and, by putting one of them to death, of
rendering the decision by lot useless-in short, of everything but
of going through with the matter I had in hand. At last, after
wasting a long time in this imbecile conduct, I was recalled to
my senses by the voice of Parker, who urged me to relieve them
at once from the terrible anxiety they were enduring. Even
then I could not bring myself to arrange the splinters upon the
spot, but thought over every species of finesse by which I could trick
some one of my fellow-sufferers to draw the short straw, as it had
been agreed that whoever drew the shortest of four splinters from
my hand was to die for the preservation of the rest. Before any
one condemn me for this apparent heartlessness, let him be
placed in a situation precisely similar to my own.
At length delay was no longer possible, and, with a heart
almost bursting from my bosom, I advanced to the region of the
forecastle, where my companions were awaiting me. I held cut
my hand with the splinters, and Peters immediately drew. -He
was free--is, at least, was not the shortest; and there was now
another chance against my escape. I summoned up all my
strength, and passed the lots to Augustus. H-Ie also drew immediately, and he also was free; and now, whether I should live or
die, the chances were no more than precisely even. At this moment all the fierceness of the tiger possessed my bosom, and I
folt towards my poor fellow-creature, Parker, the most intense,





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the most diabolical hatred. But the feeling did not last; and, at
length, with a convulsive shudder and closed eyes, I held out the
two remaining splinters towards him. It was full five minutes
before he could summon resolution to draw, during which period
of heart-rending suspense I never once opened my eyes. Presently one of the two lots was quickly drawn from my hand. The
decision was then over, yet I knew not whether it was for me or
against me. No one spoke, and still I dared not satisfy myself
by looking at the splinter I held. Peters at length took me by
the hand, and I forced myself to look up, when I immediately
saw by the countenance of Parker that I was safe, and that he it
was who had been doomed to suffer. Gasping for breath, I fell
senseless to the deck.
I recovered from my swoon in time to behold the consummation of the tragedy in the death of him who had been chiefly
instrumental in bringing it about. He made no resistance whatever, and was stabbed in the back by Peters, when he fell
instantly dead. I must not dwell upon the fearful repast which
immediately ensued. Such things may be imagined, but words
have no power to impress the mind with the exquisite horror of
their reality. Let it suffice to say that, having in some measure
appeased the raging thirst which consumed us by the blood of
the victim, and having by common consent taken off the hands,
feet and head, throwing them together with the entrails, into the
sea, we devoured the rest of the body, piecemeal, during the four
ever memorable days of the seventeenth, eighteenth, nineteenth,
and twentieth of the month.
On the nineteenth, there coming on a smart shower which
lasted fifteen or twenty minutes, we contrived to catch som3
water by means of a sheet which had been fished up from the
cabin by our drag just after the gale. The quantity we took in
all did not amount to more than half a gallon; but even this
scanty allowance supplied us with comparative strength and
hope.
On the twenty-first we were again reduced to the last necessity.  The weather still remained warm and pleasant, with
occasional fogs and light breezes, most usually fiom N. to W.
On the twenty-second, as we wtre sitting close huddled





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105


together, gloomily revolving over our lamentable condition, there
flashed through my mind all at once an idea which inspired me
with a bright gleam of hope. I remembered that, when the
foremast had been cut away, Peters, being in the windward
chains, passed one of the axes into my hand, requesting me to
put it, if possible, in a place of security, and that a few minutes
before the last heavy sea struck the brig and filled her I had
taken this axe into the forecastle, and laid it in one of the larboard berths. I now thought it possible that, by getting at this
axe, we might cut through the deck over the store-room, and thus
readily supply ourselves with provisions.
When I communicated this project to my companions, they
uttered a feeble shout of joy, and we all proceeded forthwith to
the forecastle. The difficulty of descending here was greater
than that of going down in the cabin, the opening being much
smaller, for it will be remembered that the whole framework
about the cabin companion-hatch had been carried away, whereas the forecastle-way, being a simple hatch of only about three
feet square, had remained uninjured. I did not hesitate, however, to attempt the descent; and, a rope being fastened round my
body as before, I plunged boldly in, feet foremost, made my way
quickly to the berth, and, at the very first attempt, brought up
the axe. It was hailed with the most ecstatic joy and triumph,
and the ease with which it had been obtained was regarded as
an omen of our ultimate preservation.
We now commenced cutting at the deck with all the energy
of rekindled hope, Peters and myself taking the axe by turns,
Augustus's wounded arm not permitting him to aid us in any
degree. As we were still so feeble as to be scarcely able to
stand unsupported, and could consequently work but a minute or
two without resting, it soon became evident that many long hours
would be requisite to accomplish our task-that is, to cut an
opening sufficiently large to admit of a free access to the storeroom. This consideration, however, did not discourage us; and,
working all night by the light of the moon, we succeeded in
effecting our purpose by daybreak on the morning of the twentythird.
Peters now volunteered to go down; and, having made all
5





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NARRATIVE OF


arrangements as before, he descended, and soon returned, bringing up with him a small jar, which, to our great joy, proved to
be full of olives. Having shared these among us, and devoured
them with the greatest avidity, we proceeded to let him down
again. This time he succeeded beyond our utmost expectations,
returning instantly with a large ham and a bottle of Madeira
wine. Of the latter we each took a moderate sup, having
learned by experience the pernicious consequences of indulging
too freely. The ham, except about two pounds near the bone,
was not in a condition to be eaten, having been entirely spoiled
by the salt water. The sound part was divided among us.
Peters and Augustus, not being able to restrain their appetite,
swallowed theirs upon the instant; but I was more cautious, and
ate but a small portionof mine, dreading the thirst which I knew
would ensue. We now rested a while from our labors, which
had been intolerably severe.
By noon, feeling somewhat strengthened and refreshed, we
again renewed our attempt at getting up provision, Peters and
myself going down alternately, and always with more or less
success, until sundown. During this interval we had the good
fortune to bring up, altogether, four more small jars of olives,
another ham, a carboy containing nearly three gallons of excellent Cape Madeira wine, and, what gave us still more delight,
a small tortoise of the Gallipago breed, several of which had
been taken on board by Captain Barnard, as the Grampus was
leaving port, from the schooner Mary Pitts, just returned from a
sealing voyage in the Pacific.
In a subsequent portion of this narrative I shall have frequent occasion to menti6n this species of tortoise. It is found
principally, as most of my readers may know, in the group of
islands called the Gallipagos which, indeed, derive their name
from the animal-the Spanish word Gallipago meaning a freshwater terapin. From the peculiarity of their shape and action
they have been sometimes called the elephant tortoise. They
are frequently found of an enormous size. I have myself seen
several which would weigh from twelve to fifteen hundred pounds,
although I do not remember that any navigator speaks of having
seen them weighing more than eight hundred. Their appearance





A. GORDON PYM.


107i


is singular, and even disgusting, Their steps are very slow,
measured, and heavy, their bodies being carried about a foot from
thle ground. Their neck is long, and exceedingly slender; from
eighteen inches to two feet is a very common length, and I killed
one, where the distance from the shoulder to the extremity of the
head was no less than three feet ten inches. The head has a
striking resemblance to that of a serpent. They can exist without food for an almost incredible length of time, instances having
been known where they have been thrown into the hold of a
vessel and lain two years without nourishment of any kindbeing as fat, and, in every respect, in as good order at the expication of the time as when they were first put in. In one particular these extraordinary animals bear a resemblance to the
dromedary, or camel of the desert. In a bag at the root of the
neck they carry with them a constant supply of water. In some
instances, upon killing them after a full year's deprivation of all
nourishment, as much as three gallons of perfectly sweet and
fresh water have been found in their bags. Their food is chiefly
wild parsley and celery, with purslain, sea-kelp, and prickly-pears,
upon which latter vegetable they thrive wonderfully, a great
quantity of it being usually found on the hill-sides near the shore
wherever the animal itself is discovered. They are excellent and
highly nutritious food, and have, no doubt, been the means of
reserving the lives of thousands of seamen employed in the
whale-fishery and other pursuits in the Pacific.
The one which we had the good fortune to bring up from the
storeroom was not of a large size, weighing probably sixty-five
or seventy pounds. It was a female, and in excellent condition,
being exceedingly fat, and having more than a quart of limpid
and sweet water in its bag. This was indeed a treasure; and,
falling on our knees with one accord, we returned fervent thanks
to God for so seasonable a relief.
We had great difficulty in getting the animal up through the
opening, as its struggles were fierce and its strength prodigious.
It was upon the point of making its escape from Peter's grasp, and
slipping back into the water, when Augustus, throwing a rope
vith a slip-knot around its throat, held it up in this manner until





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NARRATIVE OF


I jumped into the hole by the side of Peter3, and assisted him in
lifting it out.
The water we drew carefully from the bag into the jug, which,
it will be remembered, had been brought up before from the
cabin. Having done this, we broke off the neck of a bottle so as
to form, with the cork, a kind of glass, holding not quite half a
gill. We then each drank one of these measures full, and resolved to limit ourselves to this quantity per day as long as it
should hold out.
During the last two or three days, the weather having been
dry and pleasant, the bedding we had obtained from the cabin,
as well as our clothing, had become thoroughly dry, so that we,
passed this night (that of the twenty-third) in comparative comfort, enjoying a tranquil repose, after having supped plentifully
on olives and ham, with a small allowance of the wine. Being
afraid of losing some of our stores overboard during the night, in
the event of a breeze springing up, we secured them as well as
possible with cordage to the fragments of the windlass. Our
tortoise, which we were anxious to preserve alive as long as we
could, we threw on his back, and otherwise carefully fastened.
CHAPTER XIII.
JULY 24. This morning saw us wonderfully recruited in spirits
and strength. Notwithstanding the perilous situation in which
we were still placed, ignorant of our position, although certainly
at a great distance from land, without more food than would last
us for a fortnight even with great care, almost entirely without
water, and floating about at the mercy of every wind and wave
on the merest wreck in the world, still the infinitely more terrible
distresses and dangers from which we had so lately and so provilentially been delivered caused us to regard what we now endured
as but little more than an ordinary evil-so strictly comparative
is either good or ill.
At sunrise we were preparing to renew our attempts at getting





A. GORDON PYM.                     9
up something from the store-room, when, a smart shower comiIg
on, with some lightning, we turned our attention to the catching of
water by means of the sheet we had used before for this purpose.
We had no other means of collecting the rain than by holding
the sheet spread out with one of the forechain-plates in the middle
of it. The water, thus conducted to the centre, was drained
through in to ourjug. We had nearly filled it in this manner, when,
a heavy squall coming on from the northward, obliged us to desist, as the hulk began once more to roll so violently that we
could no longer keep our feet. We now went forward, and,
lashing ourselves securely to the remnant of the windlass as before, awaited the event with far more calmness than could have
been anticipated or would have been imagined possible under
the circumstances. At noon the wind had freshened into a tworeef breeze, and by night into a stiff gale, accompanied with a
tremendously heavy swell. Experience having taught us, however,
the best method of arranging our lashings, we weathered this
dreary night in tolerable security, although thoroughly drenched
at almost every instant by the sea, and in momentary dread of
being washed off. Fortunately, the weather was so warm as to
render the water rather grateful than otherwise.
July 25. This morning the gale had diminished to a mere
ten-knot breeze, and the sea had gone down with it so considerably that we were able to keep ourselves dry upon the deck. To
our great grief, however, we found that two jars of our olives, as
well as the whole of our ham, had been washed overboard, in
spite of the careful manner in which they had been fastened. We
determined not to kill the tortoise as yet, and contented ourselves
for the present with a breakfast on a few of the olives, and a
measure of water each, which latter we mixed, half and half,
with wine, finding great relief and strength from the mixture,
without the distressing intoxication which had ensued upon
drinking the Port. The sea was still far too rough for the renewal of our efforts at getting up provision from the store-room.
Several articles, of no importance to us in our present situation,
floated up through the opening during the day, and were immediately washed overboard. We also now observed that the hulk
lay more along than ever, so that we could not stand an instant





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without lashing ourselves. On this account we passed a gloomy
and uncomfortable day. At noon the sun appeared to be nearly
vertical, and we had no doubt that we had been driven down by
the long succession of northward and northwesterly winds into
the near vicinity of the equator. Towards evening saw several
sharks, and were somewhat alarmed by the audacious manner in
which an enormously large one approached us. At one time, a
lurch throwing the deck very far beneath the water, the monster
actually swam in upon us, floundering for some moments just
over the companion-hatch, and striking Peters violently with his
tail. A heavy sea at length hurled him overboard, much to our
relief. In moderate weather we might have easily captured
him.
July 26. This morning, the wind having greatly abated, and
the sea not being very rough, we determined to renew our exertions in the store-room. After a great deal of hard labor during
the whole day, we found that nothing further was to be expected
from this quarter, the partitions of the room having been stove
during the night, and its contents swept into the hold. This discovery, as may be supposed, filled us with despair.
July 27. The sea nearly smooth, with a light wind, and still
from the northward and westward. The sun coming out hotly
in the afternoon, we occupied ourselves in drying our clothes.
Found great relief from thirst, and much comfort otherwise, by
bathing in the sea; in this, however, we were forced to use great
caution, being afraid of sharks, several of which were seen swimming around the brig during the day.
July 28. Good weather still.  The brig now began to lie
along so alarmingly that we feared she would eventually roll
bottom up. Prepared ourselves as well as we could for this
emergency, lashing our tortoise, water-jug, and two remaining jars
of olives as far as possible over to the windward, placing them
outside the hull, below the main-chains. The sea very smooth
all day, with little or no wind.
July 29. A continuance of the same weather. Augustus's
wounded arm began to evince symptoms of mortification. THe
complained of drowsiness and excessive thirst, but no acute pain.
Nothing could be done for his relief beyond rubbing his wounds





A. GORDON PYM.


11h


with a little of the vinegar from the olives, and from this no benefit seemed to be experienced. We did everything in our power
for his comfort, and trebled his allowance of water.
July 30. An excessively hot day, with no wind. An enormous
shark kept close by the hulk during the whole of the forenoon.
We made several unsuccessful attempts to capture him by means
of a noose. Augustus much worse, and evidently sinking as
much from want of proper nourishment as from the effect of his
wounds. He constantly prayed to be released from his sufferings, wishing for nothing but death. This evening we ate the
last of our olives, and found the water in our jug so putrid that
we could not swallow it at all without the addition of wine.
Determined to kill our tortoise in the morning.
Jily 31. After a night of excessive anxiety and fatigue,
owing to the position of the hulk, we set about killing and cutting
up our tortoise. He proved to be much smaller than we had supposed, although in good condition-the whole meat about him
not amounting to more than ten pounds. With a view of preserving a portion of this as long as possible, we cut it into fine
pieces, and filled with them our three remaining olive-jars and
the wine-bottle (all of which had been kept), pouring in afterward the vinegar from the olives. In this manner we put away
about three pounds of the tortoise, intending not to touch it until
we had consumed the rest. We concluded to restrict ourselves
to about four ounces of the meat per day; the whole would thus
last us thirteen days. A brisk shower, with severe thunder and
lightning, came on about dusk, but lasted so short a time that we
only succeeded in catching about half a pint of water. The
whole of this, by common consent, was given to Augustus, who
now appeared to be in the last extremity. He drank the water
from the sheet as we caught it (we holding it above him as he
lay so as to let it run into his mouth), for we had now nothing
left capable of holding water, unless we had chosen to empty out
our wine from the carboy, or the stale water from the jug. Either
of these expedients would have been resorted to had the shower
lasted.
The sufferer seemed to derive but little benefit from the
draught. His arm was completely black from the wrist to the





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NARRATIVE OF


shoulder, and his feet were like ice. We expected every moment to see him breathe his last. He was frightfully emaciated;
so much so that, although he weighed a hundred and twentyseven pounds upon his leaving Nantucket, he now did not weigh
more than forty or fifty at the farthest. His eyes were sunk far
in his head, being scarcely perceptible, and the skin of his cheeks
hung so loosely as to prevent his masticating any food, or even
swallowing any liquid, without great difficulty.
August 1. A continuance of the same calm weather, with an
oppressively hot sun. Suffered exceedingly from  thirst, the
water in the jug being absolutely putrid and swarming with
vermin. We contrived, nevertheless, to swallow a portion of it
by mixing it with wine-our thirst, however, was but little
abated. We found more relief by bathing in the sea, but could
not avail ourselves of this expedient except at long intervals, on
account of the continual presence of sharks. We now saw
clearly that Augustus could not be saved; that he was evidently
dying. We could do nothing to relieve his sufferings, which
appeared to be great. About twelve o'clock he expired in strong
convulsions, and without having spoken for several hours. His
death filled us with the most gloomy forebodings, and had so
great an effect upon our spirits that we sat motionless by the
corpse during the whole day, and never addressed each other
except in a whisper. It was not until some time after dark that
we took courage to get up and throw the body overboard. It
was then loathsome beyond expression, and so far decayed that,
as Peters attempted to lift it, an entire leg came off in his grasp.
As the mass of putrefaction slipped over the vessel's side into the
water, the glare of phosphoric light with which it was surrounded
plainly discovered to us seven or eight large sharks, the clashing
of whose horrible teeth, as their prey was torn to pieces among
them, might have been heard at the distance of a mile. We
shrunk within ourselves in the extremity of horror at the sound.
August 2. The same fearfully calm and hot weather. The dawn
found us in a state of pitiable dejection as well as bodily exhaustion. The water in the jug was now absolutely useless,
being a thick gelatinous mass; nothing but frightful-looking
worms mingled with slime. We threw it out, and washe(d the





A. GORDON PYM.


113


jug well in the sea, afterward pouring a little vinegar in it from
our bottles of pickled tortoise. Our thirst could now scarcely be
endured, and we tried in vain to relieve it by wine, which seemed
only to add fuel to the flame, and excited us to a high degree of
intoxication. We after ward endeavored to relieve our sufferings by mixing the wine with seawater; but this instantly
brought about the most violent retchings, so that we never again
attempted it. During the whole day we anxiously sought an
opportunity of bathing, but to no purpose; for the hulk was now
entirely besieged on all sides with sharks-no doubt the identical
monsters who had devoured our poor companion on the evening
before, and who were in momentary expectation of another similar feast. This circumstance occasioned us the most bitter
regret, and filled us with the most depressing and melancholy
forebodings. We had experienced indescribable relief in bathing,
and to have this resource cut off in so frightful a manner was
more than we could bear. Nor, indeed, were we altogether free
from the apprehension of immediate danger, for the least slip or
false movement would have thrown us at once within reach of
these voracious fish, who frequently thrust themselves directly
upon us, swimming up to leeward. No shouts or exertions on our
part seemed to alarm them. Even when one of the largest was
struck with an axe by Peters, and much wounded, he persisted
in his attempts to push in where we were. A cloud came up at
dusk, but, to our extreme anguish, passed over without discharging itself. It is quite impossible to conceive our sufferings from
thirst at this pesiod. We passed a sleepless night, both on this
account and through dread of the sharks.
August 3. No prospect of relief, and the brig lying still more
and more along, so that now we could not maintain a footing
upon deck at all. Busied ourselves in securing our wine and
tortoise-meat, so that we might not lose them in the event of
our rolling over. Got out two stout spikes from the forechains,
and, by means of the axe, drove them into the hull to windward
within a couple of feet of the water; this not being very far from
the keel, as we were nearly upon our beam-ends. To these spikes
we now lashed our provisions, as being more secure than their
former position beneath the chains. Suffered great agony from
VoL. IV.-8





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thirst during the whole day-no chance of bathing on account o.
the sharks, which never left us for a moment. Found it impossible to sleep.
August 4. A little before daybreak we perceived that the
hulk was heeling over, and aroused ourselves to prevent being
thrown off by the movement. At first the roll was slow and
gradual, and we contrived to clamber over to windward very
well, having taken the precaution to leave ropes hanging from
the spikes we had driven in for the provision. But we had not
calculated sufficiently upon the acceleration of the impetus; for,
presently the heel became too violent to allow of our keeping
pace with it; and, before either of us knew what was to happen,
we found ourselves hurled furiously into the sea, and struggling
several fathoms beneath the surface, with the huge hull immediately above us.
In going under the water I had been obliged to let go my hold
upon the rope; and finding that I was completely beneath the
vessel, and my strength utterly exhausted, I scarcely made a
struggle for life, and resigned myself, in a few seconds, to die.
But here again I was deceived, not having taken into consideration the natural rebound of the hull to windward. The whirl of
the water upward, which the vessel occasioned in rolling partially
back, brought me to the surface still more violently than I had
been plunged beneath. Upon coming up, I found myself about
twenty yards from the hulk, as near as I could judge. She was
lying keel up, rocking furiously from side to side, and the sea in
all directions around was much agitated, and full of strong whirlpools. I could see nothing of Peters. An oil-cask was floating
within a few feet of me, and various other articles from the brig
were scattered about.
My principal terror was now on account of the sharks, which
I knew to be in my vicinity. In order to deter these, if possible,
from approaching me, I splashed the water vigorously with both
hands and feet as I swam towards the hulk, creating a body of
foam. I have no doubt that to this expedient, simple as it was,
I was indebted for my preservation; for the sea all around the
brig, just before her rolling over, was so crowded with these
monsters, that I must have been, and really was. in actual contact





A, GORDON PYM.                     "
with some of them during my progress. By great good fortune,
however, I reached the side of the vessel in safety, although so
utterly weakened by the violent exertion I had used that I should
never have been able to get upon it but for the timely assistance
of Peters, who now, to my great joy, made his appearance
(having scrambled up to the keel from the opposite side of the
hull), and threw me the end of a rope-one of those which had
been attached to the spikes.
Having barely escaped this danger, our attention was now
directed to the dreadful imminency of another; that of absolute
starvation. Our whole stock of provision had been swept overboard in spite of all our care in securing it; and seeing no longer
the remotest possibility of obtaining more, we gave way both of
us to despair, weeping aloud like children, and neither of us
attempting to offer consolation to the other. Such weakness can
scarcely be conceived, and to those who have never been similarly situated will, no doubt, appear unnatural; but it must be
remembered that our intellects were so entirely disordered by the
long course of privation and terror to which we had been subjected, that we could not justly, be considered, at that perid, in
the light of rational beings. In subsequent perils, nearly as
great, if not greater, I bore up with fortitude against all the evils
of my situation, and Peters, it will be seen, evinced a stoical philosophy nearly as incredible as his present childlike supineness
and imbecility-the mental condition made the difference.
The overturning of the brig, even with the consequent loss of
the wine and turtle, would not, in fact, have rendered our situation more deplorable than before, except for the disappearance of
the bedclothes by which we had been hitherto enabled to catch
rain-water, and of the jug in which we had kep, it when caught;
for we found the whole bottom, from within two or three feet of
the bends as far as the keel, together with the keel itself, thickly
covered with large barnacles, which proved to be excellent and
highly nutritious food. Thus, in two important respects, the
accident we had so greatly dreaded proved a benefit rather than
an injury; it had opened to us a supply of provisions, which we
could not have exhausted, using it moderately, in a month; and
it had greatly contributed to our comfort as regards position, we





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NARRATIVE OF


being much more at our ease, and in infinitely less danger, than
before.
The difficulty, however, of now obtaining water blinded us to
all the benefits of the change in our condition. That we might
be ready to avail ourselves, as far as possible, of any shower
which might fall, we took off our shirts, to make use of them as
we had of the sheets-not hoping, of course, to get more in this
way, even under the most favorable circumstances, than half a
gill at a time. No signs of a cloud appeared during the day, and
the agonies of our thirst were nearly intolerable. At night,
Peters obtained about an hour's disturbed sleep, but my intense
sufferings would not permit me to close my eyes for a single
moment.
August 5. To-day, a gentle breeze springing up, carried us
through a vast quantity of seaweed, among which we were so
fortunate as to find eleven small crabs, which afforded us several
delicious meals. Their shells being quite soft, we ate them entire, and found that they irritated our thirst far less than the
barnacles. Seeing no trace of sharks among the seaweed, we
also ventured to bathe, and remained in the water for four or
five hours, during which we experienced a very sensible diminution of our thirst. Were greatly refreshed, and spent the night
somewhat more comfortably than before, both of us snatching a
little sleep.
August 6. This day we were blessed by a brisk and continual
rain, lasting from about noon until after dark. Bitterly did we
now regret the loss of our jug and carboy; for, in spite of the
little means we had of catching the water, we might have filled
one, if not both of them. As it was, we contrived to satisfy the
cravings of thirst by suffering the shirts to become saturated, and
then wringing them so as to let the grateful fluid trickle into our
mouths. In this occupation we passed the entire day.
August 7. Just at daybreak we both at the same instant
descried a sail to the eastward, and evidently coming towards us!
We hailed the glorious sight with a long, although feeble shout
of rapture; and began instantly to make every signal in our
power, by flaring the shirts in the air, leaping as high as our
weak condition would permit, and even by hallooing with all tho





A. GORDON PYM.


117


strength of our lungs, although the vessel could not havy. been
less than fifteen miles distant.  However, she still continued to
near our hulk, and we felt that, if she but held her present
course, she must eventually come so close as to perceive us. In
about an hour after we first discovered her, we could clearly see
the people on her decks.   She was a long, low, and rakish-looking topsail schooner, with a black ball in her foretopsail, and
had, apparently, a full crew. We now became alarmed, for we
could hardly imagine it possible that she did not observe us, and
were apprehensive that she meant to leave us to perish as we
were-an act of fiendish barbarity, which, however incredible it
may appear, has been repeatedly perpetrated at sea, under circumstances very nearly similar, and by beings who were regarded as belonging to the human species.* In this instance, however, by the mercy of God, we were destined to be most happily
* The case of the brig Polly, of Boston, is one so much in point, and her
fate, in many respects, so remarkably similar to our own, that I cannot forbear alluding to it here. This vessel, of one hundred and thirty tons burden,
sailed from Boston, with a cargo of lumber and provisions, for Santa Croix,
on the twelfth of December, 1811, under the command of Captain Casneau.
There were eight souls on board besides the captain-the mate, four seamen, and the cook, together with a Mr. Hunt, and a negro girl belonging to
him. On the fifteenth, having cleared the shoal of Georges, she sprung aleak
in a gale of wind from the southeast, and was finally capsized: but, the mast
going by the board, she afterward righted. They remained in this situation, without fire, and with very little provision, for the period of one hundred and ninety-one days (from December the fifteenth to June the twentieth),
when Captain Casneau and Samuel Badger, the only survivors, were taken
off the wreck by the Fame, of Hull, Captain Featherstone. bound home from
Rio Janeiro. When picked up, they were in latitude 28~ N., longitude 13~
W., having drifted above two thousand miles! On the ninth of July, the
Fame fell in with the brig Dromeo, Captain Perkins, who landed the two
sufferers in Kennebeck. The narrative from which we gather these details,
ends in the following words:
"' It is natural to inquire how they could float such a vast distance, upon
the most frequented part of the Atlantic, and not be discovered all this time.
They were passed by more than a dozen sail. one of which came so nigh them
that they could distinctly see the people on deck and on the rigging looking at
them; but, to the inexpressible disappointment of the starving and freezing
men, they stifled the dictates of compassion, hoisted sail, and cruelly abarn loned
them to their fate."





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deceived; for, presently we were aware of a sudden commotion
on the deck of the stranger, who immediately afterward run up
a British flag, and, hauling her wind, bore up directly upon us.
In half an hour more we found ourselves in her cabin. She
proved to be the Jane Guy, of Liverpool, Captain Guy, bound
on a sealing and trading voyage to the South Seas and Pacific.
CHAPTER XIV.
THE Jane Guy was a fine-looking topsail schooner of a hundred and eighty tons burden. She was unusually sharp in the
bows, and on a wind, in moderate weather, the fastest sailer I
have ever seen. Her qualities, however, as a rough sea-boat,
were not so good, and her draught of water was by far too great
for the trade to which she was destined. For this peculiar service, a larger vessel, and one of a light proportionate draught, is
desirable-say a vessel of from three to three hundred and fifty
tons. She should be barque-rigged, and in other respects of a
different construction from the usual South Sea ships. It is
absolutely necessary that she should be well armed. She should
have, say ten or twelve twelve-pound carronades, and two or
three long twelves, with brass blunderbusses, and water-tight
arm-chests for each top. Her anchors and cables should be of
far greater strength than is required for any other species of
trade, and, above all, her crew should be numerous and efficient
not less, for such a vessel as I have described, than fifty or sixty
able-bodied men. The Jane Guy had a crew of thirty-five, all
able seamen, besides the captain and mate, but she was not altogether as well armed or otherwise equipped, as a navigator acquainted with the difficulties and dangers of the trade could have
desired.
Captain Guy was a gentleman of great urbanity of manner,
and of considerable experience in the southern traffic, to which
he had devoted a greater portion of his life. He was deficient,
however, in energy, and consequently, in that spirit of enterprise
which is here so absolutoly requisite. He was part owner of the





A. GORDON PYM.


119


vessel in which he sailed, and was invested with discretionary
powers to cruise in the South Seas for any cargo which might
come most readily to hand. He had on board, as usual in such
voyages, beads, looking-glasses, tinder-works, axes, hatchets,
saws, adzes, planes, chisels, gouges, gimlets, files, spokeshaves,
rasps, hammers, nails, knives, scissors, razors, needles, thread,
crockeryware, calico, trinkets, and other similar articles.
The schooner sailed from Liverpool on the tenth of July,
crossed the tropic of Cancer on the twenty-fifth, in longitude
twenty degrees West, and reached Sal, one of the Cape Verd
Islands, on the twenty-ninth, where she took in salt and other
necessaries for the voyage. On the third of August, she left the
Cape Verds and steered southwest, stretching over towards the
coast of Brazil, so as to cross the equator between the meridians
of twenty-eight and thirty degrees west longitude. This is the
course usually taken by vessels bound from Europe to the Cape
of Good Hope, or by that route to the East Indies. By proceeding thus they avoid the calms and strong contrary currents which
continually prevail on the coast of Guinea, while, in the end, it
is found to be the shortest track, as westerly winds are never
wanting afterward by which to reach the Cape. It was Captain
Guy's intention to make his first stoppage at Kerguelen's LandI hardly know for what reason. On the day we were picked up
the schooner was off Cape St. Roque, in longitude thirty-one
degrees west; so that, when found, we had drifted probably,
from north to south, not less than five-and-twenty degrees!
On board the Jane Guy we were treated with all the kindness
our distressed situation demanded. In about a fortnight, during
which time we continued steering to the southeast, with gentle
breezes and fine weather, both- Peters and myself recovered
entirely from the effects of our late privation and dreadful suffering, and we began to remember what had passed rather-as a
frightful dream from which we had been happily awakened, than
as events which had taken place in spber and naked reality. I
have since found that this species of partial oblivion is usually
brought about by sudden transition, whether from joy to sorrow
or from sorrow to joy-the degree of forgetfulness being proportioned to the degree of difference in the exchange. Thus, in





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my own case, I now feel it impossible to realize the full extent
of the misery which I endured during the days spent upon the
hulk. The incidents are remembered, but not the feelings whicl
the incidents elicited at the time of their occurrence. I only
know, that when they did occur, I then thought human nature
could sustain nothing more of agony.
We continued our voyage for some weeks without any incidents of greater moment than the occasional meeting with
whaling-ships, and more frequently with the black or right whale,
so called in contradistinction to the spermaceti. These, however, were chiefly found south of the twenty-fifth parallel. On
the sixteenth of September, being in the vicinity of the Cape of
Good Hope, the schooner encountered her first gale of any violence since leaving Liverpool. In this neighborhood, but more
frequently to the south and east of the promontory (we were to
the westward), navigators have often to contend with storms
from the northward, which rage with great fury. They always
bring with them a heavy sea, and one of their most dangerous
features is the instantaneous chopping round of the wind, an
occurrence almost certain to take place during the greatest force
of the gale. A perfect hurricane will be blowing at one moment
from the northward or northeast, and in the next not a breath of
wind will be felt in that direction, while from the southwest it
will come out all at once with a violence almost inconceivable.
A bright spot to the southward is the sure forerunner of the
change, and vessels are thus enabled to take the proper precautions.
It was about six in the morning when the blow came on with
a white squall, and, as usual, from the northward. By eight it
had increased very much, and brought down upon us one of the
most tremendous seas I had then ever beheld." Everything had
been made as snug as possible, but the schooner labored excessively, and gave evidence of her bad qualities as a seaboat,
pitching her forecastle under at every plunge, and with the
greatest difficulty struggling up from one wave before she was
buried in another. Just before sunset the bright spot for which
we had been on the lookout made its appearance in the southwest, and in an hour afterward we perceived the little head-sail





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we carried flapping listlessly against the mast. In two minutes
more, in spite of every preparation, we were hurled on our beamends, as if by magic, and a perfect wilderness of foam madea
clear breach over us as we lay. The blow from the southwest,
however, luckily proved to be nothing more than a squall, and
we had the good fortune to right the vessel without the loss of a
spar. A heavy cross sea gave us great trouble for a few hours
after this, but towards morning we found ourselves in nearly as
good condition as before the gale. Captain Guy considered that
he had made an escape little less than miraculous.
On the thirteenth of October we came in sight of Prince
Edward's Island, in latitude 46~ 53' S., longitude 370 46' E.
Two days afterward we found ourselves near Possession Island,
and presently passed the islands of Crozet, in latitude 420 59' S.,
longitude 48~ E. On the eighteenth we made Kerguelen's or
Desolation Island, in the Southern Indian Ocean, and came to
anchor in Christmas Harbor, having four fathoms of water.
This island, or rather group of islands, bears southeast from
the Cape of Good Hope, and is distant therefrom nearly eight
hundred leagues. It was first discovered in 1772, by the Baron
de Kergulen, or Kerguelen, a Frenchman, who, thinking the land
to form a portion of an extensive southern continent, carried
home information to that effect, which produced much excitement
at the time. The government, taking the matter up, sent the
baron back in the following year for the purpose of giving his
new discovery a critical examination, when the mistake was discovered. In 1777, Captain Cook fell in with the same group,
and gave to the principal one the name of Desolation Island, a
title which it certainly well deserves. Upon approaching the
land, however, the navigator might be induced to suppose otherwise, as the sides of most of the hills, from September to March,
are clothed with very brilliant verdure. This deceitful appearance is caused by a small plant resembling saxifrage, which is
abundant, growing in large patches on a species of crumbling
moss. Besides this plant there is scarcely a sign of vegetation
on the island, if we except some coarse rank grass near the harbor, some lichen, and a shrub which bears resemblance to a





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cabbage shooting into seed, and which has a bitter and acrid
taste.
The face of the country is hilly, although none of the hills can
be called lofty. Their tops are perpetually covered with snow.
There are several harbors, of which Christmas Harbor is the
most convenient. It is the first to be met with on the northeast
side of the island after passing Cape Francois, which forms the
northern shore, and, by its peculiar shape, serves to distinguish
the harbor. Its projecting point terminates in a high rock,
through which is a large hole, forming a natural arch. The
entrance is in latitude 48~ 40' S., longitude 690 6' E. Passing
in here, good anchorage may be found under the shelter of several
small islands, which form a sufficient protection from all easterly
winds. Proceeding on eastwardly from this anchorage you come
to Wasp Bay, at the head of the harbor. This is a small basin,
completely landlocked, into which you can go with four fathoms,
and find anchorage in from ten to three, hard clay bottom. A
ship might lie here with her best bower ahead all the year round
without risk. To the westward, at the head of Wasp Bay, is a
small stream of excellent water, easily procured.
Some seal of the fur and hair species are still to be found on
Kerguelen's Island, and sea elephants abound. The feathered
tribes are discovered in great numbers. Penguins are very plenty,
and of these there are four different kinds. The royal penguin,
so called from its size and beautiful plumage, is the largest. The
upper part of the body is usually gray, sometimes of a lilach tint;
the under portion of the purest white imaginable. The head is
of a glossy and most brilliant black, the feet also. The chief
beauty of the plumage, however, consists in two broad stripes of
a gold color, which pass along from the head to the breast. The
bill is long, and either pink or bright scarlet. These birds walk
erect, with a stately carriage. They carry their heads high,
with their wings drooping like two arms, and, as their tails project from their body in a line with the legs, the resemblance to a
human figure is very striking, and would be apt to deceive the
spectator at a casual glance or in the gloom of the evening. The
royal penguins which we meet with on Kerguelen's Land were
rather larger than a goose. The other kinds are the maccaroni,





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the jackass, and the rookery penguin. These are much smaller,
less beautiful in plumage, and different in other respects.
Besides the penguin many other birds are here to be found,
among which may be mentioned seahens, blue peterels, teal,
ducks, Port Egmont hens, shags, Cape pigeons, the nelly, seaswallows, terns, sea-gulls, Mother Carey's chickens, Mother Carey's geese, or the great peterel, and, lastly, the albatross.
The great peterel is as large as the common albatross, and is
carnivorous. It is frequently called the break-bones, or osprey
peterel. They are not at all shy, and, when properly cooked, are
palatable food. In flying they sometimes sail very close to the
surface of the water, with the wings expanded, without appearing
to move them in the least degree, or make any exertion with
them whatever.
The albatross is one of the largest and fiercest of the South
Sea birds. It is of the gull species, and takes its prey on
the wing, never coming on land except for the purpose of breeding. Between this bird and the penguin the most singular friendship exists. Their nests are coustructed with great uniformity,
upon a plan concerted between the two species-that of the albatross being placed in the centre of a little square formed by the
nests of four penguins. Navigators have agreed in calling an
assemblage of such encampments a rookery. These rookeries
have been often described, but, as my readers may not all have
seen these descriptions, and as I shall have occasion hereafter to
speak of the penguin and albatross, it will not be amiss to say
something here of their mode of building and living.
When the season for incubation arrives, the birds assemble in
vast numbers, and for some days appear to be deliberating upon
the proper course to be pursued. At length they proceed to
action. A level piece of ground is selected, of suitable extent,
usually comprising three or four acres, and situated as near the
sea as possible, being still beyond its reach. The spot is chosen
with reference to its evenness of surface, and that is preferred
which is the least encumbered with stones. This matter being
arranged, the birds proceed, with one accord, and actuated apparently by one mind, to trace out, with mathematical accuracy,
either a square or other parallelogram, as may best suit the na




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ture of the ground, and of just sufficient size to accommodate
easily all the birds assembled, and no more-in this particular
seeming determined upon preventing the access of future stragglers who have not participated in the labor of the encampment.
One side of the place thus marked out run's parallel with the
water's edge, and is left open for ingress or egress.
Having defined the limits of the rookery, the colony now begin
to clear it of every species of rubbish, picking up stone by stone,
and carrying them outside of the lines, and close by them, so as
to form a wall on the three inland sides. Just within this wall
a perfectly level and smooth walk is formed, from six to eight
feet wide, and extending around the encampment-thus serving
the purpose of a general promenade.
The next process is to partition out the whole area into small
squares exactly equal in size. This is done "by forming narrow
paths, very smooth, and crossing each other at right angles
throughout the entire extent of the rookery. At each intersection of these paths the nest of an albatross is constructed, and a
penguin's nest in the centre of each square-thus every penguin
is surrounded by four albatrosses, and each albatross by a like
number of penguins. The penguin's nest consists of a hole in the
earth, very shallow, being only just of sufficient depth to keep
her single egg from rolling. The albatross is somewhat less
simple in her arrangements, erecting a hillock about a foot high
and two in diameter. This is made of earth, seaweed, and shells.
On its summit she builds her nest.
The birds take especial care never to leave their nests unoccupied for an instant during the period of incubation, or, indeed,
until the young progeny are sufficiently strong to take care of
themselves. While the male is absent at sea in search of food,
the female remains on duty, and it is only upon the return of her
partner that she ventures athoad. The eggs are never left uncovered at all-while one bird leaves the nest, the other nestling
in by its side. This precaution is rendered necessary by the
thievish propensities prevalent in the rookery, the inhabitants
making no scruple to purloin each other's eggs at every good opportunity.
Although there are some rookeries in which the penguin and





A. GORDON PYM.


12f


albatross are the sole population, yet in most of them a variety
of oceanic birds are to be met with, enjoying all the privileges
of citizenship, and scattering their nests here and there, wherever
they can find room, never interfering, however, with the
stations of the larger species. The appearance of such encampments when seen from a distance, is exceedingly singular. The
whole atmosphere just above the settlement is darkened with the
immense number of the albatross (mingled with the smaller
tribes) which are continually hovering over it, either going to the
ocean or returning home. At the same time a crowd of penguins
are to be observed, some passing to and fro in the narrow alleys,
and some marching with the military strut so peculiar to them,
around the general promenade-ground which encircles the rookery. In short, survey it as we will, nothing can be more astonishing than the spirit of reflection evinced by these feathered
beings, and nothing surely can be better calculated to elicit
reflection in every well-regulated human intellect.
On the morning after our arrival in Christmas Harbor the chief
mate, Mr. Patterson, took the boats, and (although it was somewhat early in the season) went in search of seal, leaving the
captain and a young relation of his on a point of barren land to
the westward, they having some business, whose nature I could
not ascertain, to transact in the interior of the island. Captain
Guy took with him a bottle, in which was a sealed letter, and
made his way from the point on which he was set on shore towards one of the highest peaks in the place. It is probable that
his design was to leave the letter on that height for some vessel
which he expected to come after him. As soon as we lost
sight of him we proceeded (Peters and myself being in the mate's
boat) on our cruise around the coast, looking for seal. In this
business we were occupied about tlee weeks, examining with
great care every nook and corner, not only of Kerguelen's Land,
but of the several small islands in the vicinity. Our labors, however, were not crowned with any important success. We saw a
great many fur seal, but they were exceedingly shy, and with the
greatest exertions, we could only procure three hundred and fifty
skins in all. Sea elephants were abundant, especially on the
western coast of the mainland, but of these we killed only twenty,





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and this with great difficulty. On the smaller islands we discovered a good many of the hair seal, but did not molest them.
We returned to the schooner on the eleventh, where we found
Captain Guy and his nephew, who gave a very bad account of
the interior, representing it as one of the most dreary and utterly
barren countries in the world. They had remained two nights
on the island, owing to some misunderstanding, on the part of the
second mate, in regard to the sending a jollyboat from the schooner to take them off.
CHAPTER XV.
ON the twelfth we made sail from Christmas Harbor, retracing
our way to the westward, and leaving Marion's Island, one of
Crozet's group, on the larboard. We afterward passed Prince
Edward's Island, leaving it also on our left; then, steering more
to the northward, made, in fifteen days, the islands of Tristan
d'Acunha, in latitude 37' 8' S., longitude 120 8' W.
This group, now so well known, and which consists of three
circular islands, was first discovered by the Portuguese, and was
visited afterward by the Dutch in 1643, and by the French in
1767. The three islands together form a triangle, and are distant from each other about ten miles, there being fine open
passages between. The land in all of them is very high, especially in Tristan d'Acunha, properly so called. This is the
largest of the group, being fifteen miles in circumference, and so
elevated that it can be seen in clear weather at the distance of
eighty or ninety miles. A part of the land towards the north
rises more than a thousandfeet perpendicularly from the sea. A
tableland at this height extends back nearly to the centre of the
island, and from this tableland arises, a lofty cone like that of
Teneriffe. The lower half of this cone is clothed with trees of
good size, but the upper region is barren rock, usually hidden
among the clouds, and covered with snow during the greater part
of the year. There are no shoals or other dangers about the
island, tl'e shores being remarkably bold and the water deep.





A. GORDON PYM.


12'/


On the northwestern coast is a bay, with a beach of black sand,
where a landing with boats can be easily effected, provided there
be a southerly wind. Plenty of excellent water may here be
readily procured; also cod, and other fish, may be taken with
hook and line.
The next island in point of size, and the most westwardly of
the group, is that called the Inaccessible. Its precise situation is
37~ 17' S. latitude, longitude 12~ 24' W. It is seven or eight
miles in circumference, and on all sides presents a forbidding and
precipitous aspect. Its top is perfectly flat, and the whole region
is sterile, nothing growing upon it except a few stunted shrubs.
Nightingale Island, the smallest and most southerly, is in latitude 37~ 26' S., longitude 12~ 12' W. Off its southern extremity is a high ledge of rocky islets; a few also of a similar appearance are seen to the northeast. The ground is irregular and
sterile, and a deep valley partially separates it.
The shores of these islands abound, in the proper season, with
sea lions, sea elephants, the hair and fur seal, together with a
great variety of oceanic birds. Whales are also plenty in their
vicinity. Owing to the ease with which these various animals
were here formerly taken, the group has been much visited
since its discovery. The Dutch and French frequented it at a
very early period. In 1790, Captain Patten, of the ship Industry, of Philadelphia, made Tristan d'Acunha, where he remained
seven months (from August, 1790, to April, 1791) for the purpose of collecting sealskins. In this time he gathered no less
than five thousand six hundred, and says that he would have had
no difficulty in loading a large ship with oil in three weeks.
Upon his arrival he found no quadrupeds, with the exception of
a few wild goats-the island now abounds with all our most valuable domestic animals, which have been introduced by subse
quent navigators.
I believe it was not long after Captain Patten's visit that
Captain Colquhoun, of the American brig Betsey, touched at the
la.rgest of the islands for the purpose of refreshment. He planted
onions, potatoes, cabbages, and a great many other vegetables, an
abundance of all which are now to be met with.
In 1811, a Captain Haywood. in the Nereus, visited Tristan.





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He found there three Americans, who were residing upon the
islands to prepare sealskins and oil. One of these men was
named Jonathan Lambert, and he called himself the sovereign of
the country.' He had cleared and cultivated about sixty acres
of land, and turned his attention to raising the coffee-plant and
sugar-cane, with which he had been furnished by the American
minister at Rio Janeiro. This settlement, however, was finally
abandoned, and in 1817 the islands were taken possession of by
the British government, who sent a detachment for that purpose
from the Cape of Good Hope. They did not, however, retain
them long; but, upon the evacuation of the country as a British
possession, two or three English families took up their residence
there independently of the government. On the twenty-fifth of
March, 1824, the Berwick, Captain Jeffrey, from London to Van
Diemen's Land, arrived at the place, where they found an Englishman of the name of Glass, formerly a corporal in the British
artillery. He claimed to be supreme governor of the islands, and
had under his control twenty-one men and three women. He
gave a very favorable account of the salubrity of the climate and
of the productiveness of the soil. The population occupied them.
selves chiefly in collecting sealskins and sea-elephant oil, with
which they traded to the Cape of Good Hope, Glass owning a
small schooner. At the period of our arrival the governor was
still a resident, but his little community had multiplied, ther(.
being fifty-six persons upon Tristan, besides a smaller settlement
of seven on Nightingale Island. We had no difficulty in procuring almost every kind of refreshment which we requiredsheep, hogs, bullocks, rabbits, poultry, goats, fish in great variety,
and vegetables were abundant. Having come to anchor close in
with the large island, in eighteen fathoms, we took all we wanted
on board very conveniently. Captain Guy also purchased of
Glass five hundred sealskins and some ivory. We remained
here a week, during which the prevailing winds were from the
northward and westward, and the weather somewhat hazy. On
the fifth of November we made sail to the southward and westward, with the intention of having a thorough search for agroup
of islands called the Auroras, respecting whose existence a great
diversity of opinion has existed.





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These islands are said to have been discovered as early as
1762, by the commander of the ship Aurora. In 1790, Captain
Manuel de Oyarvido, in the ship Princess, belonging to the Royal
Philippine Company, sailed, as he asserts, directly among them.
In 1794, the Spanish corvette Atrevida went with the determination of ascertaining their precise situation, and, in a paper published by the Royal Hydrographical Society of Madrid in the
year 1809, the following language is used respecting this expedition. "The corvette Atrevida practised, in their immediate
vicinity, from the twenty-first to the twenty-seventh of January, all the necessary observations, and measured by chronometers the difference of longitude between these islands and the
port of Soledad in the Malninas. The islands are three; they
are very nearly in the same meridian; the centre one is rather
low, and the other two may be seen at nine leagues distance."
The observations made on board the Atrevida give the following
results as the precise situation of each island. The most northern is in latitude 520 37' 24" S., longitude 470 43' 15" W.; the
middle one in latitude 530 2' 40" S., longitude 470 55' 15" W.;
and the most southern in latitude 530 15' 22" S., longitude 470
57' 15" W.
On the twenty-seventh of January, 1820, Captain James Weddel, of the British navy, sailed from Staten Land also in search
of the Auroras. He reports that, having made the most diligent
search and passed not only immediately over the spots indicated
by the commander of the Atrevida, but in every direction throughout the vicinity of these spots, he could discover no indication of
land. These conflicting statements have induced other navigators
to look out for the islands; and, strange to say, while some have
sailed through every inch of sea where they are supposed to lie
without finding them, there have been not a few who declare
positively that they have seen them; and even been close in with
their shores. It was Captain Guy's intention to make every exertion within his power to settle the question so oddly in dispute.*
* Among the vessels which at various times have professed to meet with
the Auroras may be mentioned the ship San Miguel, in 1769; the ship Aurora, in 1774; the brigPearl, in 1779; and the ship Dolores, in 1790. They
all agree in giving the mean latitude fifty-three degrees south.
Vo,. IV.-9





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We kept on our course, between the south and west, with
variable wea her, until the twentieth of the month, when we
found ourselves on the debated ground, being in latitude 53' 15'
S., longitude 47' 58' W.-that is to say, very nearly upon the
spot indicated as the situation of the most southern of the group
Not perceiving any sign of land, we continued to the westward
in the parallel of fifty-three degrees south, as far as the meridian
of fifty degrees west. We then stood to the north as far as the
parallel of fifty-two degrees south, when we turned to the east
ward, and kept our parallel by double altitudes, morning and
evening, and meridian altitudes of the planets and moon. Having
thus gone eastwardly to the meridian of the western coast of
Georgia, we kept that meridian until we were in the latitude
from which we set out. We then took diagonal courses throughout the entire extent of sea circumscribed, keeping a lookout
constantly at the masthead, and repeating our examination with
the greatest care for a period of three weeks, during which the
weather was remarkably pleasant and fair, with no haze whatsoever. Of course we were thoroughly satisfied that, whatever
islands might have existed in this vicinity at any former period,
no vestige of them remained at the present day. Since my
return home I find that the same ground was traced over, with
equal care, in 1822, by Captain Johnson, of the American
schooner Henry, and by Captain Morrell, in the American
schooner Wasp-in both cases with the same result as in our own.
CHAPTER XVI.
IT had been Captain Guy's original intention, after satisfying
himself about the Auroras, to proceed through the Strait of Magellan, and up along the western coast of Patagonia; but information received at Tristan d'Acunha induced him to steer to
the southward, in the hope of falling in with some small islands
said to lie about the parallel of 60~ S., longitude 41~ 20' W.
In the event of his not discovering these lands, he designed.





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131


should the season prove favorable, to push on towards the pole.
Accordingly, on the twelfth of December, we made sail in that
direction. On the eighteenth we found ourselves about the sta
tion indicated by Glass, and cruised for three days in that neighborhood without finding any traces of the, islands he had mentioned. On the twenty-first, the weather being unusually
pleasant, we again made sail to the southward, with the resolution of penetrating in that course as far as possible. Before
entering upon this portion of my narrative, it may be as well,
for the information of those readers who have paid little attention to the progress of discovery in these regions, to give some
brief account of the very few attempts at reaching the southern
pole which have hitherto been made.
That of Captain Cook was the first of which we have any
distinct account. In 1772, he sailed to the south in the Resolution,
accompanied by Lieutenant Furneaux in the Adventure. In
December he found himself as far as the fifty-eighth parallel of
south latitude, and in longitude 260 57' E. Here he met with
narrow fields of ice, about eight or ten inches thick, and running northwest and southeast. This ice was in large cakes, and
usually it was packed so closely that the vessels had great difficulty in forcing a passage. At this period Captain Cook supposed, from the vast number of birds to be seen, and from other
indications, that he was in the near vicinity of land. He kept
on to the southward, the weather being exceedingly cold, until
he reached the sixty-fourth parallel, in longitude 38~ 14' E.
Here he had mild weather, with gentle breezes, for five days,
the thermometer being at thirty-six. In January, 1773, the
vessels crossed the Antarctic circle, but did not succeed in penetrating much farther; for, upon reaching latitude 670 15', they
found all farther progress impeded by an immense body of ice,
extending all along the southern horizon as far as the eye could
reach. This ice was of every variety-and some large floes of
if, miles in extent, formed a compact mass, rising eighteen or
twenty feet above the water. It being late in the season, and
no hope entertained of rounding these obstructions, Captair
Cook now reluctantly turned to the northward.
In the November following he renewed his search in the





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Antarctic. In latitude 590 40' he met with a strong current
setting to the southward. In December, when the vessels were
in latitude 670 31', longitude 142' 54' W., the cold was excessive, with heavy gales and fog. Here also birds were abundant;
the albatross, the penguin, and the peterel especially. In latitude
70' 23' some large islands of ice were encountered, and shortly
afterward, the clouds to the southward were observed to be of a
snowy whiteness, indicating the vicinity of field ice. In latitude
710 10', longitude 106~ 54' W., the navigators were stopped, as
before, by an immense frozen expanse, which filled the whole
area of the southern horizon. The northern edge of this expanse
was ragged and broken, so firmly wedged together as to be
utterly impassable, and extending about a mile to the southward. Behind it the frozen surface was comparatively smooth
for some distance, until terminated in the extreme back-ground
by gigantic ranges of ice mountains, the one towering above the
other. - Captain Cook concluded that this vast field reached the
southern pole or was joined to a continent. Mr. J. N. Reynolds,
whose great exertions and perseverance have at length succeeded in getting set on foot a national expedition, partly for the
purpose of exploring these regions, thus speaks of the attempt
of the Resolution: " We are not surprised that Captain Cook
was unable to go beyond 71' 10', but we are astonished that he
did attain that point on the meridian of 106' 54' west longitude. Palmer's Land lies south of the Shetland, latitude
sixty-four degrees, and tends to the southward and westward
farther than any navigator has yet penetrated. Cook was standing for this land when his progress was arrested by the ice;
which, we apprehend, must always be the case in that point, and
so early in the season as the sixth of January-and we should
not be surprised if a portion of the icy mountains described was
attached to the main body of Palmer's Land, or to some other
portions of land lying farther to the southward and westward."
In 1803, Captains Kreutzenstern and Lisiausky were dispatched by Alexander of Russia for the purpose of circumnavigating the globe. In endeavoring to get south, they made no
farther than 590 58', in longitude 700 15' W. They here met
with strong currents setting eastwardly. Whales were abun





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133


dant, but they saw no ice. In regard to this voyage, Mr. Rey.
nolds observes that, if Kreutzenstern had arrived where he did
earlier in the season, he must have encountered ice-it was
March when he reached the latitude specified. The winds prevailing, as they do, from the southward and westward, had
carried the floes, aided by currents, into that icy region bounded
on the north by Georgia, east by Sandwich Land and the South
Orkneys, and west by the South Shetland Islands.
In 1822, Captain James Weddell, of the British navy, with
two very small vessels, penetrated farther to the south than any
previous navigator, and this too, without encountering extraordinary difficulties. He states that although he was frequently
hemmed in by ice before reaching the seventy-second parallel,
yet, upon attaining it, not a particle was to be discovered, and
that, upon arriving at the latitude of 74~ 15', no fields, and only
three islands of ice were visible. It is somewhat remarkable
that, although vast flocks of birds were seen, and other usual
indications of land, and although, south of the Shetlands, unknown coasts were observed from the masthead tending southwardly, Weddell discourages the idea of land existing in the
polar regions of the south.
On the 11th of January, 1823, Captain Benjamin Morrell, of
the American schooner Wasp, sailed from Kerguelen's Land
with a view of penetrating as far south as possible. On the first
of February he found himself in latitude 64' 52' S., longitude
118~ 27' E. The following passage is extracted from his journal of that date: " The wind soon freshened to an eleven-knot
breeze, and we embraced this opportunity of making to the
west; being however convinced that the farther we went south
beyond latitude sixty-four degrees, the less ice was to be apprehended, we steered a little to the southward, until we crossed
the Antarctic circle, and were in latitude 69' 15' E. In this
latitude there was no field ice, and very few ice islands in sight."
Under the date of March fourteenth I find also this entry:
" The sea was now entirely free of field ice, and there were not
more than a dozen ice islands in sight. At the same time the
temperature of the air and water was at least thirteen degrees
higher (more mild) than we had ever found it between the par




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allels of sixty and sixty-two south. We were now in latitude
700 14' S., and the temperature_ of the air was forty-seven, and
that of the water forty-four. In this situation I found the variation to be 140 27' easterly, per azimuth.... I have several
times passed within the Antarctic circle, on different meridians,
and have uniformly found the temperature, both of the air and
the water, to become more and more mild the farther I advanced
beyond the sixty-fifth degree of south latitude, and that the variation decreases in the same proportion. While north of this
latitude, say between sixty and sixty-five south, we frequently
had great difficulty in finding a passage for the vessel between
the immense and almost innumerable ice islands, some of which
were from one to two miles in circumference, and more than five
hundred feet above the surface of the water."
Being nearly destitute of fuel and water, and without propel
instruments, it being also late in the season, Captain Morrell
was now obliged to put back, without attempting any farther progress to the westward, although an entirely open sea lay before
him. He expresses the opinion that, had not these overruling
considerations obliged him to retreat, he could have penetrated,
if not to the pole itself, at least to the eighty-fifth parallel. I
have given his ideas respecting these matters somewhat at length,
that the reader may have an opportunity of seeing how far they
were borne out by my own subsequent experience.
In 1831, Captain Briscoe, in the employ of the Messieurs
Enderby, whale-ship owners of London, sailed in the brig Lively
for the South Seas, accompanied by the cutter Tula. On the
twenty-eighth of February, being in latitude 66~ 30' S., longitude 47' 13' E., he descried land, and " clearly discovered
through the snow the black peaks of a range of mountains running E. S. E."  He remained in this neighborhood during the
whole of the following month, but was unable to approach the
coast nearer than within ten leagues, owing to the boisterous
state of the weather. Finding it impossible to make farther
discovery during this season, he returned northward to winter
in Van Diemen's Land.
In the beginning of 1832 he again proceeded southwardly,
and on the fourth of February land was seen to the southeast in





A. GORDON PYM.


135 -

latitude 67~ 15', longitude 690 29' W. This was soon found to
be an island near the headland of the country he had first discovered. On the twenty-first of the month he succeeded in
landing on the latter, and took possession of it in the name of
William IV., calling it Adelaide's Island, in honor of the English
queen. These particulars being made known to the Royal Geographical Society of London, the conclusion was drawn by that
body "that there is a continuous tract of land extending from 470
30' E. to 690 29' W. longitude, running the parallel of from sixtysix to sixty-seven degrees south latitude." In respect to this
conclusion Mr. Reynolds observes, " In the correctness of it we
by no means concur; nor do the discoveries of Briscoe warrant
any such inference. It was within these limits that Weddell
proceeded south on a meridian to the east of Georgia, Sandwich
Land, and the South Orkney and Shetland Islands."  My own
experience will be found to testify most directly to the falsity of
the conclusion arrived at by the society.
These are the principal attempts which have been made at
penetrating to a high southern latitude, and it will now be seen
that there remained, previous to the voyage of the Jane, nearly
three hundred degrees of longitude in which the Antarctic circle
had not been crossed at all. Of course a wide field lay before
us for discovery, and it was with feelings of most intense interest that I heard Captain Guy express his resolution of pushing
boldly to the southward.
CHAPTER XVII.
WE kept our course southwardly for four days after giving up
the search for Glass's Islands, without meeting with any ice at
all. On the twenty-sixth, at noon, we were in latitude 63~ 23'
S., longitude 41~ 25' W. We now saw several large ice islands,
and a floe of field ice, not, however, of any great extent. The
winds generally blew from the southeast, or the northeast, but
were very light. Whenever we had a westerly wind. which
was seldom, it was invariably attended with a rain squall. Every





NARRATIVE OF


day we had more or less snow. The thermometer, on the
twenty-seventh, stood at thirty-five.
January 1, 1828. This day we found ourselves completely
hemmed in by the ice, and our prospects looked cheerless indeed.
A strong gale blew, during the whole forenoon, from the northeast, and drove large cakes of the drift against the rudder and
counter with such violence that we all trembled for the consequences. Towards evening, the gale still blowing with fury, a
large field in front separated, and we were enabled, by carrying
a press of sail, to force a passage through the smaller flakes into
some open water beyond. As we approached this space we
took in sail by degrees, and having at length got clear, lay to
under a single reefed foresail.
January 2. We had now tolerably pleasant weather. At noon
we found ourselves in latitude 69' 10' S., longitude 42~ 20' W.,
having crossed the Antarctic circle. Very little ice was to be
seen to the southwardý although large fields of it lay behind us.
This day we rigged some sounding gear, using a large iron pot
capable of holding twenty gallons, and a line of two hundred
fathoms. We found the current setting to the north, about a
quarter of a mile per hour. The temperature of the air was
now about thirty-three. Here we found the variation to be 14'
28' easterly, per azimuth.
January 5. We had still held on to the southward without any
very great impediments. On this morning, however, being in
latitude 730 15' E., longitude 42~ 10' W., we were again
orought to a stand by an immense expanse of firm ice. We
saw, nevertheless, much open water to the southward, and felt
no doubt of being able to reach it eventually. Standing to the
eastward along the edge of the floe, we at length came to a passage of about a mile in width, through which we warped our
way by sundown. The sea in which we now were was thickly
covered with ice islands, but had no field ice, and we pushed on
boldly as before. The cold did not seem to increase, although
we had snow very frequently, and now and then hail squalls of
great violence. Immense flocks of the albatross flew over the
schooner this day, going from southeast to northwest.
January 7. The sea still remained pretty well open, so that





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we had no difficulty in holding on our course. To the westward
we saw some icebergs of incredible size, and in the afternoon
passed very near one whose summit could not have been less
than four hundred fathoms from the surface of the ocean. Its
girth was probably, at the base, three quarters of a league, and
several streams of water were running from crevices in its sides.
We remained in sight of this island two days, and then only lost
it in a fog.
January 10. Early this morning we had the misfortune to
lose a man overboard. He was an American, named Peter
Vredenburgh, a native of New York, and was one of the most valuable hands on board the schooner. In going over the bows his
foot slipped, and he fell between two cakes of ice, never rising
again. At noon of this day we were in latitude 780 30', longitude 400 15' W. The cold was now excessive, and we had hail
squalls continually from the northward and eastward. In this
direction also we saw several more immense icebergs, and the
whole horizon to the eastward appeared to be blocked up with
field ice, rising in tiers, one mass above the other. Some driftwood floated by during the evening, and a great quantity of birds
flew over, among which were Nellies, peterels, albatrosses, and a
large bird of a brilliant blue plumage. The variation here, per
azimuth, was less than it had been previously to our passing the
Antarctic circle.
January 12. Our passage to the south again looked doubtful,
as nothing was to be seen in the direction of the pole but one apparently limitless floe, backed by absolute mountains of ragged
ice, one precipice of which arose frowningly above the other.
We stood to the westward until the fourteenth, in the hope of
finding an entranee.
January 14. This morning we reached the western extremity
of the field which had impeded us, and, weathering it, came to an
open sea, without a particle of ice. Upon sounding with two
hundred fathoms, we here found a current setting southwardly at
the rate of half a mile per hour. The temperature of the air
was forty-seven, that of the water thirty-four. We now sailed
to the southward without meeting any interruption of moment
until the sixteenth, when, at noon, we were in latitude 810 21'





138


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long. 420 W. We here again sounded, and found a current setting
still southwardly, and at the rate of three quarters of a mile per
hour. The variation per azimuth had diminished, and the temperature of the air was mild and pleasant, the thermometer being
as high as fifty-one. At this period not a particle of ice was to
be discovered. All hands on board now felt certain of attaining
the pole.
January 17. This day was full of incident. Innumerable
flights of birds flew over us from the southward, and several
were shot from the deck; one of them, a species of pelican,
proved to be excellent eating. About midday a small floe of ice
was seen from the masthead off the larboard bow, and upon it
there appeared to be some large animal. As the weather was
good and nearly calm, Captain Guy ordered out two of the boats
to see what it was. Dirk Peters and- myself accompanied the
mate in the larger boat. Upon coming up with the floe, we perceived that it was in the possession of a gigantic creature of the
race of the Arctic bear, but far exceeding in size the largest of
these animals. Being well armed, we made no scruple of attacking it at once. Several shots were fired in quick succession, the
most of which took effect, apparently, in the head and body.
Nothing discouraged, however, the monster threw himself from
the ice, and swam, with open jaws, to the boat in which were
Peters and myself.  Owing to the confusion which ensued
among us at this unexpected turn of the adventure, no person
was ready immediately with a second shot, and the bear had
actually succeeded in getting half his vast bulk across our gunwale, and seizing one of the men by the small of his back, before
any efficient means were taken to repel him. In this extremity
nothing but the promptness and agility of Peters saved us from
destruction. Leaping upon the back of the huge beast, he
plunged the blade of a knife behind the neck, reaching the spinal
marrow at a blow. The brute tumbled into the sea lifeless, and
without a struggle, rolling over Peters as he fell. The latter soon
recovered himself, and a rope being thrown him, he secured the
carcass before entering the boat. We then returned in triumph
to the schooner, towing our trophy behind us. This bear, upon
admeasurement, proved to be full fifteen feet in his greatest





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139


length. His wool was perfectly white, and very coarse, curling
tightly. The eyes were of a blood red, and larger than those of
the Arctic bear-the snout also more rounded, rather resembling
the snout of the bull-dog. The meat was tender, but excessively
rank and fishy, although the men devoured it with avidity, and
declared it excellent eating.
Scarcely had we got our prize alongside, when the man at the
masthead gave the joyful shout of " land on the starboard bow!"
All hands were now upon the alert, and, a breeze springing up
very opportunely from the northward and eastward, we were
soon close in with the coast. It proved to be a low rocky islet,
of about a league in circumference, and altogether destitute of
vegetation, if we except a species of prickly pear. In approaching it from the northward, a singular ledge of rock is seen projecting into the sea, and bearing a strong resemblance to corded
bales of cotton. Around this ledge to the westward is a small
bay, at the bottom of which our boats effected a convenient
landing.
It did not take us long to explore every portion of the island,
but, with one exception, we found nothing worthy of our observation. In the southern extremity, we picked up near the shore,
half buried in a pile of loose stones, a piece of wood, which
seemed to have formed the prow of a canoe. There had been
evidently some attempt at carving upon it, and Captain Guy
fancied that he made out the figure of a tortoise, but the resemblance did not strike me very forcibly. Besides this prow, if
such it were, we found no other token that any living creature
had ever been here before. Around the coast we discovered
occasional small floes of ice-but these were very few. The
exact situation of this islet (to which Captain Guy gave the name
of Bennet's Islet, in honor of his partner in the ownership of the
schooner) is 820 50' S. latitude, 420 20' W. longitude.
We had now advanced to the southward more than eight degrees farther than any previous navigators, and the sea still lay
perfectly open before us. We found, too, that the variation
uniformly decreased as we proceeded, and, what was still more
surprising, that the temperature of the air, and latterly of the
water, became milder. The weather might even be called





110


NARRATIVE OF


pleasant, and we had a steady but very gentle breeze always
from some northern point of the compass. The sky was usually
clear, with now and then a slight appearance of thin vapor in th'e
southern horizon-this, however, was invariably of brief duration.
Two difficulties alone presented themselves to our view; we
were getting short of fuel, and symptoms of scurvy had occurred
among several of the crew. These considerations began to impress upon Captain Guy the necessity of returning, and he spoke
of it frequently. For my own part, confident as I was of soon
arriving at land of some description upon the course we were
Spursuing, and having every reason to believe, from present appearances, that we should not find it the sterile soil met with in
the higher Arctic latitudes, I warmly pressed upon him the
expediency of persevering, at least for a few days longer, in the
direction we were now holding. So tempting an opportunity of
solving the great problem in regard to an Antarctic continent
had never yet been afforded to man, and I confess that I felt myself bursting with indignation at the timid and ill-timed suggestions of our commander. I believe, indeed, that what I could
not refrain from saying to him on this head had the effect of inducing him to push on. While, therefore, I cannot but lament the
most unfortunate and bloody events which immediately arose
from my advice, I must still be allowed to feel some degree of
gratification at having been instrumental, however remotely, in
opening to the eye of science one of the most intensely exciting
secrets which has ever engrossed its attention.
CHAPTER XVIII.
JANUARY 18. This morning* we continued to the southward,
with the same pleasant weather as before. The sea was entirely
smooth, the air tolerably warm and from the northeast, the temperature of the water fifty-three. We now again got our sounding-gear in order, and, with a hundred and fifty fathoms of line,
* The terms morning and evening, which I have made use of to avoid
confusion in my narrative, as far as possible, must not, of course, be taken





A. GORDON PYM.


141


fbund the current setting towards the pole at the rate of a mile
an hour. This constant tendency to the southward, both in the
wind and crrent, caused some degree of speculation, and even
of alarm, in different quarters of the schooner, and I saw distinctly that no little impression had been made upon the mild
of Captain Guy.    He was exceedingly sensitive to ridicule,
however, and I finally succeeded in laughing him out of his apprehensions. The variation was now very trivial. In the course
of the day we saw several large whales of the right species, and
innumerable flights of the albatross passed over the vessel. We
also picked up a bush, full of red berries, like those of the hawthorn, and the carcass of a singular-looking land-animal. It
was three feet in length, and but six inches in height, with four
very short legs, the feet armed with long claws of a brilliant
scarlet, and resembling coral in substance. The body was
covered with a straight silky hair, perfectly white. The tail was
peaked like that of a rat, and about a tot and a half long. The
head resembled a cat's, with the exception of the ears-these
were flapped like the ears of a dog. The teeth were of the same
brilliant scarlet as the claws.
January 19. To-day, being in latitude 83~ 20', longitude 430
5' W. (the sea being of an extraordinarily dark color), we again
saw land from  the masthead, and, upon a closer scrutiny, found
it to be one of a group of very large islands. The shore was
precipitous, and the interior seemed to be well wooded, a circumstance which occasioned us great joy. In about four hours from
our first.discovering the land we came to anchor in ten fathoms,
sandy bottom, a league from the coast, as a high surf, with strong
ripples here and there, rendered a nearer approach of doubtful
expediency. The two largest boats were now ordered out, and
a party, well armed (among whom were Peters and myself),
in their ordinary sense. For a long time past we had had no night at all,
the daylight being continual. The dates throughout are according to nautical time, and the bearings must be understood as per compass. I would
also remark, in this place, that I cannot, in the first portion of what is here
written, pretend to strict accuracy in respect to dates, or latitudes and longitudes, having kept no regular journal until after the period of which this
first portion treats. In many instances I have relied altogether upon
memory.





NARRATIVE OF


proceeded to look for an opening in the reef which appeared to
encircle the island. After searching about for some time, we
discovered an inlet, which we were entering, wheiAve saw four
large canoes put off from the shore, filled with men who seemed
to be well armed. We waited for them to come up, and, as they
moved with great rapidity, they were soon within hail. Captain
Guy now held up a white handkerchief on the blade of an oar,
when the strangers made a full stop, and commenced a loud jabbering all at once, intermingled with occasional shouts, in which
we could distinguish the words Anamoo-moo! and Lama-Lama!
They continued this for at least half an hour, during which we
had a good opportunity of observing their appearance.
In the four canoes, which might have been fifty feet long and
five broad, there were a hundred and ten savages in all. They
were about the ordinary stature of Europeans, but of a more
muscular and brawny frame. Their complexion a jet black,
with thick and long woolly hair. They were clothed in skins of
an unknown black animal, shaggy and silky, and made to fit the
body with some degree of skill, the hair being inside, except
where turned out about the neck, wrists, and ankles. Their
arms consisted principally of clubs, of a dark, and apparently
very heavy wood. Some spears, however, were observed among
them, headed with flint, and a few slings. The bottoms of the
canoes were full of black stones about the size of a large egg.
When they had concluded their harangue (for it was clear
they intended their jabbering for such), one of them who seemed
to be the chief stood up in the prow of his canoe, and made
signs for us to bring our boats alongside of him. This hint we
pretended not to understand, thinking it the wiser plan to maintain, if possible, the interval between us, as their number more
than quadrupled our own. Finding this to be the case, the chief
ordered the three other canoes to hold back, while he advanced
towards us with his own. As soon as he came up with us he
leaped on board the largest of our boats, and seated himself by
the side of Captain Guy, pointing at the same time to the
schooner, and repeating the words Anamoo-moo! and LamaLama!   We now put back to the vessel, the four canoes-following at a little distance.





A. GORDON PYM.


143


Upon getting alongside, the chief evinced symptoms of extreme.nrpr8se and delight, clapping his hands, slapping his thighs and
breast, and laughing obstreperously. His followers behind
joined in his merriment, and for some minutes the din was so
excessive as to be absolutely deafening. Quiet being at length
restored, Captain Guy ordered the boats to be hoisted up, as a
necessary precaution, and gave the chief (whose name we soon
found to be Too-wit) to understand that we could admit no more
than twenty of his men on deck at one time. With this arrange.
ment he appeared perfectly satisfied, and gave some directions
to the canoes, when one of them approached, the rest remaining
about fifty yards off. Twenty of the savages now got on board,
and proceeded to ramble over every part of the deck, and
scramble about among the rigging, making themselves much at
home, and examining every article with great inquisitiveness.
It was quite evident that they had never before seen any of
the white race-from whose complexion, indeed, they appeared
to recoil. They believed the Jane to be a living creature, and
seemed to be afraid of hurting it with the points of their spears,
carefully turning them up. Our crew were much amused with
the conduct of Too-wit in one instance. The cook was splitting
some wood near the galley, and, by accident, struck his axe into
the deck, making a gash of considerable depth. The chief immediately ran up, and pushing the cook on one side rather
roughly, commenced a half whine, half howl, strongly indicative
of sympathy in what he considered the sufferings of the schooner,
patting and smoothing the gash with his hand, and washing it
from a bucket of seawater which stood by. This was a degree
of ignorance for which we were not prepared, and for my part I
could not help thinking some of it affected.
When the visitors -had satisfied, as well as they could, their
curiosity in regard to our upper works, they were admitted below, when their amazement exceeded all bounds. Their astonishment now appeared to be far too deep for words, fbr they
roamed about in silence, broken only by low ejaculations. The
arms afforded them much food for speculation, and they were
suffered to handle and examine them at leisure. I do not believe
that they had the lel:st suspicion of their actual use, but rather





14


NARRATIVE- OF


took them for idols, seeing the care we had of them, and thi
attention with which we watched their movements while handling them. At the great guns their wonder was redoubled.,
They approached them with every mark of the profoundest
reverence and awe, but forbore to examine them minutely.
There were two large mirrors in the cabin, and here was the
acme of their amazement. Too-wit was the first to approach
them, and he had got in the middle of the cabin, with his face to
one and his back to the other, before he fairly perceived them.
Upon raising his eyes and seeing his reflected self in the glass, I
thought the savage would go mad; but, upon turning short
round to make a retreat, and beholding himself a second time in
the opposite direction, I was afraid he would expire upon the
spot. No persuasion could prevail upon him to take another
look; but, throwing himself upon the floor, with his face buried
in his hands, he remained thus until we were obliged to drag
him upei deck.
The whole of the savages were admitted on board in this
manner, twenty at a time, Too-wit being suffered to remaint
during the entire period. We saw no disposition to thievery
among them, nor did we miss a single article after their departure. Throughout the whole of their visit they evinced the most
friendly manner. There were, however, some points in their
demeanor which we found it impossible to understand: for example, we could not get them to approach several very harmless
objects--such as the schooner's sails, an egg, an open book, or a
pan of flour. We endeavored to ascertain if they had among
them any articles which might be turned to account in the way
of traffic, but found great difficulty in being comprehended. We
made out, nevertheless, what greatly astonished us, that the
islands abounded in the large tortoise of the Gallipagos, one of
which we saw in the canoe of Too-wit. We saw also some
biche de mer in the hands of one of the savages, who was greedily devouring it in its natural state. These anomalies, for they
were such when considered in regard to the latitude, induced
Captain Guy to wish for a thorough investigation of the country,
in the hope of making a profitable speculation in his discovery.
For my own part, anxious as I was to know something more of





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145


these islands, I was still more earnestly bent on prosecuting the
voyage to the southward without delay. We had now filue
weather, but there was no telling how long it would last; and'
being already in the eighty-fourth parallel, with an open sea before us, a current setting strongly to the southward, and the wind
fair, I could not listen with any patience to a proposition of
stopping longer than was absolutely necessary for the health of
the crew and the taking on board a proper supply of fuel and
fresh provisions. I represented to the captain that we might
easily make this group on our return, and winter here in the
event of being blocked up by the ice. He at length came into
my views (for in some way, hardly known to myself, I had acquired much influence over him), and it was finally resolved that,
even in the event of our finding biche de mer,we should only stay
here a week to recruit, and then push on to the southward while
we might. Accordingly we made every necessary preparation,
and, under the guidance of Too-wit, got the Jane through the
reef in safety, coming to anchor about a mile from the shore, in
an excellent bay, completely landlocked, on the southeastern coast
of the main island, and in ten fathoms of water, black sandy bottom. At the head of this bay there were three fine springs (we
were told) of good water, and we saw abundance of wood in the
vicinity. The four canoes followed us in, keeping, however, at a
respectful distance. Too-wit himself remained on board, and,
upon our dropping anchor, invited us to -accompany him on shore,
and visit his village in the interior. To this Captain Guy consented; and ten savages being left on board as hostages, a party
of us, twelve in all, got in readiness to attend the chief. We
took care to be well armed, yet without evincing any distrust.
The schooner had her guns run oat, her boarding-nettings up,
and every other proper precaution was taken to guard against
surprise.. Directions were left with the chief mate to admit no
person on board during our absence, and, in the event of our not
appearing in twelve hours, to send the cutter, with a swivel,
around the island in search of us.
At every step we took inland the conviction forced itself upon
us that we were in a country differing essentially from any hitherto visited by civilized men. We saw nothing with which we
VOL. IV.--10





14b


NARRATIVE OF


had been formerly conversant. The trees resembled no growth
of either the torrid, the temperate, or the northern frigid zones,
and were altogether unlike those of the lower southern latitudes
we had already traversed. The very rocks were novel in their
mass, their color, and their stratification; and the streams themselves, utterly incredible as it may appear, had so little in common with those of other climates, that we were scrupulous of
tasting them, and, indeed, had difficulty in bringing ourselves to
believe that their qualities were purely those of nature. At a
small brook which crossed our path (the first we had reached)
Too-wit and his attendants halted to drink. On account of the
singular character of the water, we refused to taste it, supposing
it to be polluted; and it was not until some time afterward we
came to understand that such was the appearance of the streams
throughout the whole group. I am at a loss to give a distinct
idea of the nature of this liquid, and cannot do so without many
words. Although it flowed with rapidity in all declivities where
common water would do so, yet never, except when falling in a
cascade,, had it the customary appearance of limpidity. It was,
nevertheless, in point of fact, as perfectly limpid as any limestone
water in existence, the difference being only in appearance. At
first sight, and especially in cases where little declivity was
found, it bore resemblance, as regards consistency, to a thick infusion of gum Arabic in common water. But this was only the
least remarkable of its extraordinary qualities. It was not colorless, nor was it of any one uniform color-presenting to the eye,
as it flowed, every possible shade of purple, like the hues of a
changeable silk. This variation in shade was produced in a
manner which excited as profound astonishment in the minds of
our party as the mirror had done in the case of Too-wit. Upon
collecting a basinful, and allowing it to settle thoroughly, we perceived that the whole mass of liquid was made up of a number of
distinct veins, each of a distinct hue; that these veins did not
commingle; and that their cohesion was perfect in regard to their
own particles among themselves, and imperfect in regard to
neighboring veins. Upon passing the blade of a knife athwart
the veins, the water closed over it immediately, as with us, and
also, in withdrawing it, all traces of the passage of the knife were





A. GORDON PYM.


147


instantly obliterated. If, however, the blade was passed down
accurately between the two veins, a perfect separation was effected, which the power of cohesion did not immediately rectify.
The phenomena of this water formed the first definite link in that
vast chain of apparent miracles with which I was destined to be
at length encircled.
CHAPTER XIX.
WE were nearly three hours in reaching the village, it being
more than nine miles in the interior, and the path lying through
a rugged country.  As we passed along, the party of Too-wit
(the whole hundred and ten savages of the canoes) was momentarily strengthened by smaller detachments, of from two to
six or seven, which joined us, as if by accident, at different turns
in the road. There appeared so much of system in this that I
could not help feeling distrust, and I spoke to Captain Guy of
my apprehensions. It was now too late, however, to recede, and
we concluded that our best security lay in evincing a perfect confidence in the good faith of Too-wit. We accordingly went on,
keeping a wary eye upon the manoeuvres of the savages, and not
permitting them to divide our numbers by pushing in between.
In this way, passing through a precipitous ravine, we at length
reached what we were told was the only collection of habitations
upon the island. As we came in sight of them, the chief set up
a shout, and frequently repeated the word Klock-Klock; which
we supposed to be the name of the village, or perhaps the generic name for villages.
The dwellings were of the most miserable description imaginable,
and, unlike those of even the lowest of the savage races with which
mankind are acquainted, were of no uniform plan. Some of them
(and these we found belonged to the Wampoos or Yampoos, the
great men of the land) consisted of a tree cut down at about four
feet from the root, with a large black skin thrown over it, and
hanging in loose folds upon the ground. Under this the savage
nestled. Others were formed by means of rough limbs of trees,





148


NARRATIVE CF


with the withered foliage upon them, made to recline, at an anglo
of forty-five degrees, against a bank of clay, heaped up, without
regular form, to the height of five or six feet. Others, again,
were mere holes dug in the earth perpendicularly, and covered
over with similar branches, these being removed when the tenant
was about to enter, and pulled on again when he had entered.
A few were built among the forked limbs of trees as they stood,
the upper limbs being partially cut through, so as to bend over
upon the lower, thus forming thicker shelter from the weather.
The greater number, however, consisted of small shallow caverns,
apparently scratched in the face of a precipitous ledge of dark
stone, resembling fuller's earth, with which three sides of the
village was bounded. At the door of each of these primitive
caverns was a small rock, which the tenant carefully placed before the entrance upon leaving his residence, for what purpose I
could not ascertain, as the stone itself was never of sufficient size
to close up more than a third of the opening.
This village, if it were worthy of the name, lay in a valley
of some depth, and could only be approached from the southward, the precipitous ledge of which I have already spoken cutting off all access in other directions. Through the middle of
the valley ran a brawling stream of the same magical-looking
water which has been described. We saw several strange animals about the dwellings, all appearing to be thoroughly domesticated. The largest of these creatures resembled our common
hog in the structure of the body and snout; the tail, however,
was bushy, and the legs slender as those of the antelope. Its
motion was exceedingly awkward and indecisive, and we never
saw it attempt to run. We noticed also several animals very
similar in appearance, but of a greater length of body, and covered with a black wool. There were a great variety of tame
fowls running about, and these seemed to constitute the chief
food of the natives. To our astonishment we saw black albatross
among these birds in a state of entire domestication, going to
sea periodically for food, but always returning to the village as
a home, and using the southern shore in the vicinity as a place
of incubation. There they were joined by their friends the
pelicans as usual, but these latter never followed them to the





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Iwellings of the savages. Among the other kinds of tame
"owls were ducks, differing very little from the canvass-back of
our own country, black gannets, and a large bird not unlike the
buzzard in appearance, but not carnivorous.  Of fish there
seemed to be a great abundance. We saw, during our visit, a
quantity of dried salmon, rock cod, blue dolphins, mackerel,
blackfish, skate, conger eels, elephanl-fish, mullets, soles, parrotfish, leather-jackets, gurnards, hake, flounders, paracutas, and
innumerable other varieties. We noticed, too, that most of them
were similar to the fish about the group of the Lord Auckland
Islands, in a latitude as low as fifty-one degrees south. The
Gallipago tortoise was also very plentiful. We saw but few
wild animals, and none of a large size, or of a species with which
we were familiar. One or two serpents of a formidable aspect
crossed our path, but the natives paid them little attention, and
we concluded that they were not venomous.
As we approached the village with Too-wit and his party, a
vast crowd of the people rushed out to meet us, with loud
shouts, among which we could only distinguish the everlasting
Anamoo-moo! and Lama-Lama!      We were much surprised at
perceiving that, with one or two exceptions, these new comers
were entirely naked, the skins being used only by the men of
the canoes. All the weapons of the country seemed also to be
in the possession of the latter, for there was no appearance of
any among the villagers. There were a great many women and
children, the former not altogether wanting in what might be
termed personal beauty. They were straight, tall, and well
formed, with a grace and freedom of carriage not to be found in
civilized society. Their lips, however, like those of the men,
were thick and clumsy, so that, even when laughing, the teeth
were never disclosed. Their hair was of 'a finer texture than
that of the males. Among these naked villagers there might
have been ten or twelve who were clothed, like the party of
Too-wit, in dresses of black skin, and armed with lances and
heavy clubs. These appeared to have great influence among
the rest, and were always addressed by the title Wampoo.
These, too, were the tenants of the black skin palaces. That of
Too-wit was situated in the centre of the village, and was much





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larger and somewhat better constructed than others of its kind
The tree which formed its support was cut off at a distance of
twelve feet or thereabout from the root, and there were several
branches left just below the cut, these serving to extend the
covering, and in this way prevent its flapping about the trunk.
The covering, too, which consisted of four very large skins fastened together with wooden skewers, was secured at the bottom
with pegs driven through it and into the ground. The floor was
strewed with a quantity of dry leaves by way of carpet.
To this hut we were conducted with great solemnity, and as
many of the natives crowded in after us as possible. Too-wit
seated himself on the leaves, and made signs that we should follow his example. This we did, and presently found ourselves
in a situation peculiarly uncomfortable, if not indeed critical.
We were on the ground, twelve in number, with the savages, as
many as forty, sitting on their hams so closely around us that, if
any disturbance had arisen, we should have found it impossible
to make use of our arms, or indeed to have risen on our feet.
The pressure was not only inside the tent, but outside, where
probably was every individual on the whole island, the crowd
being prevented from trampling us to death only by the incessant
exertions and vociferations of Too-wit. Our chief security lay,
however, in the presence of Too-wit himself among us, and we
resolved to stick by him closely, as the best chance of extricating
ourselves from the dilemma, sacrificing him immediately upon
the first appearance of hostile design.
After some trouble a certain degree of quiet was restored
when the chief addressed us in a speech of great length, and
very nearly resembling the one delivered in the canoes, with
the exception that the Anamoo-moos! were now somewhat more
strenuously insisted upon than the Lama-Lamas!  We listened
in profound silence until the conclusion of his harangue, when
Captain Guy replied by assuring the chief of his eternal friendship and good-will, concluding what he had to say by a present
of several strings of blue beads and a knife. At the former the
monarch, much to our surprise, turned up his nose with some
expression 'of contempt; but the knife gave him the most unlimited satisfaction, and he immediately ordered dinner. This





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was handed into the tent over the heads of the attendants, and
consisted of the palpitating entrails of a species of unknown
animal, probably one of the slim-legged hogs which we had
observed in our approach to the village. Seeing us at a loss
how to proceed, he began, by way of setting us an example, to
devour yard after yard of the enticing food, until we could positively stand it no longer, and evinced such manifest symptoms
of rebellion of stomach as inspired his majesty with a degree of
astonishment only inferior to that brought about by the lookingglasses.  We declined, however, partaking of the delicacies
before us, and endeavored to make him understand that we had
no appetite whatever, having just finished a hearty dejeuner.
When the monarch had made an end of his meal, we commenced a series of cross-questioning in every ingenious manner
we could devise, with a view of discovering what were the chief
productions of the country, and whether any of them might be
turned to profit. At length he seemed to have some idea of our
meaning, and offered to accompany us to a part of the coast
where he assured us the biche de mer (pointing to a specimen of
that animal) was to be found in great abundance. We were
glad at this early opportunity of escaping from the oppression
of the crowd, and signified our eagerness to proceed. We now
left the tent, and, accompanied by the whole population of the
village, followed the chief to the southeastern extremity of the
island, not far from the bay where our vessel lay at anchor. We
waited here for about an hour, until the four canoes were brought
round by some of the savages to our station. The whole of our
party then getting into one of them, we were paddled along the
edge of the reef before mentioned, and of another still farther
out, where we saw a far greater quantity of biche de mer than
the oldest seaman among us had ever seen in those groups of
the lower latitudes most celebrated for this article of commerce.
We stayed near these reefs only long enough to satisfy ourselves
that we could easily load a dozen vessels with the animal if
necessary, when we were taken alongside the schooner, and
parted with Too-wit, after obtaining from him a promise that he
would bring us, in the course of twenty-four hours, as many of
the canvass-back ducks and Gallipago tortoises as his canoes





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would hold. In the whole of this adventure we saw nothing in
the demeanor of the natives calculated to create suspicion, with
the single exception of the systematic manner in which their
party was strengthened during our route from the schooner to
the village.
CHAPTER XX.
THE chief was as good as his word, and we were soon plentifully
supplied with fresh provision. We found the tortoises as fine as
we had ever seen, and the ducks surpassed our best species of
wild fowl, being exceedingly tender, juicy, and well-flavored.
Besides these, the savages brought us, upon our making them
cemprehend our wishes, a vast quantity of brown celery and
scurvy grass, with a canoe-load of fresh fish and some dried. The
celery was a treat indeed, and the scurvy grass proved of incalculable benefit in restoring those of our men who had shown
symptoms of disease. In a very short time we had not a single
person on the sick-list. We had also plenty of other kinds of
fresh provision, among which may be mentioned a species of
shell-fish resembling the muscle in shape, but with the taste
of an oyster. Shrimps, too, and prawns were abundant, and
albatross and other birds' eggs with dark shells. We took in,
too, a plentiful stock of the flesh of the hog which I have mentioned before. Most of the men found it a palatable food, but I
thought it fishy and otherwise disagreeable. In return for these
good things we presented the natives with blue beads, brass
trinkets, nails, knives, and pieces of red cloth, they being fully
delighted in the exchange. We established a regular market on
shore, just under the guns of the schooner, where our barterings
were carried on with every appearance of good faith, and a degree of order which their conduct at the village of Klock-klock
had not led us to expect from the savages.
Matters went on thus very amicably for several days, during which
parties of the natives were frequently on board the schooner, and
parties of our men frequently on shore, making long excursions





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into the interior, and receiving no molestation whatever. Finding the ease with which the vessel might be loaded with Tbche de
mer, owing to the friendly disposition of the islanders, and the
readiness with which they would render us assistance in collecting
it, Captain Guy resolved to enter into negotiation with Too-wit
for the erection of suitable houses in which to cure the article,
and for the services of himself and tribe in gathering as much as
possible, while he himself took advantage of the fine weather to
prosecute his voyage to the southward. Upon mentioning this
project to the chief he seemed very willing to enter into an agreement. A bargain was accordingly struck, perfectly satisfactory
to both parties, by which it was arranged that, after making the
necessary preparations, such as laying off the proper grounds,
erecting a portion of the buildings, and doing some other work in
which the whole of our crew would be required, the schooner
should proceed on her route, leaving three of her men on the
island to superintend the fulfilment of the project, and instruct
the natives in drying the biche de mer. In regard to terms, these
were made to depend upon the exertions of the savages in our
absence. They were to receive a stipulated quantity of blue
beads, knives, red cloth, and so forth, for every certain number
of piculs of the biche de mer which should be ready on our return.
A description of the nature of this important article of commerce, and the method of preparing it, may prove of some interest to my readers, and I can find no more suitable place than this
for introducing an account of it. * The following comprehensive
notice of the substance is taken from a modern history of a voyage to the South Seas.
"It is that mollusca from the Indian Seas which is known in
commerce by the French name bouche de mer (a nice morsel
from the sea). If I am not much mistaken, the celebrated Cuvier
calls it gasteropeda pulmonifera. It is abundantly gathered in
the coasts of the Pacific Islands, and gathered especially for the
Chinese market, where it commands a great price, perhaps as
much as their much-talked-of edible bird's nests, which are probably made up of the gelatinous matter picked up by a species
of swallow firom the body of these molluscve. They have no





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shell, no legs, nor any prominent part, except an absorbing and
an excretory, opposite organs; but, by their elastic wings, like
caterpillars or worms, they creep in shallow waters, in which,
when low, they can be seen by a kind of swallow, the sharp bill
of which, inserted in the soft animal, draws a gummy and filamentous substance, which, by drying, can be wrought into the
solid walls of their nest. Hence the name of gasteropeda pulmonifera.
This mollusca is oblong, and of different sizes, from three to
eighteen inches in length; and I have seen a few that were not
less than two feet long. They are nearly round, a little flattish
on one side, which lies next the bottom of the sea; and they are,
from one to eight inches thick. They crawl up into shallow water at particular seasons of the year, probably for the purpose of
gendering, as we often find them in pairs. It is when the sun
has the most power on the water, rendering it tepid, that they
approach the shore; and they often go up into places so shallow
that, on the tide's receding, they are left dry, exposed to the heat
\>f the sun. But they do not bring forth their young in shallow
water, as we never see any of their progeny, and the full-grown
ones are always observed coming in from deep water. They feed
principally on that class of zoophytes which produce the coral.
"The biche de mer is generally taken in three or four feet
water; after which they are brought on shore, and split at one
end with a knife, the incision being one inch or more, according
to the size of the mollusca. Through this opening the entrails
are forced out by pressure, and they are much like those of any
other small tenant of the deep. The article is then washed, and
afterward boiled to a certain degree, which must not be too much
or too little. They are then buried in the ground for four hours,
then boiled again for a short time, after which they are dried,
either by the fire or the sun. Those cured by the sun are worth
the most; but where one picul (133 lbs.) can be cured that way,
I can cure thirty piculs by the fire. When once properly cured,
they can be kept in a dry place for two or three years without
any risk; but they should be examined once in every few
months, say four times a year, to see if any dampness is likely to
Doffect them.





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"The Chinese, as before stated, consider biche de mer a very
great luxury, believing that it wonderfully strengthens and nourishes the system, and renews the exhausted system of the immoderate voluptuary. The first quality commands a high price
in Canton, being worth ninety dollars a picul; the second quality
seventy-five dollars; the third fifty dollars; the fourth thirty dollars; the fifth twenty dollars; the sixth twelve dollars; the
seventh eight dollars; and the eighth four dollars; small cargoes,
however, will often bring more in Manilla, Singapore, and Batavia."
An agreement having been thus entered into, we proceeded
immediately to land everything necessary for preparing the
buildings and clearing the ground. A large fiat space near the
eastern shore of the bay was selected, where there was plenty
both of wood and water, and within a convenient distance of the
principal reefs on which the biche de mer was to be procured.
We now all set to work in good earnest, and soon, to the great
astonishment of the savages, had felled a sufficient number of
trees for our purpose, getting them quickly in order for the framework of the houses, which in two or three days were so far under
way that we could safely trust the rest of the work to the three
men whom we intended to leave behind. These were John Carson, Alfred Harris, --- Peterson (all natives of London, I believe), who volunteered their services in this respect.
By the last of the month we had everything in readiness for
departure. We had agreed, however, to pay a formal visit of
leavestaking to the village, and Too-wit insisted so pertinaciously
upon our keeping the promise, that we did not think it advisable
to run the risk of offending him by a final refusal. I believe
that not one of us had at this time the slightest suspicion of the
good faith of the savages. They had uniformly behaved with
the greatest decorum, aiding us with alacrity in our work, offering us their commodities, frequently without price, and never,
in any instance, pilfering a single article, although the high
value they set upon the goods we had with us was evident by
the extravagant demonstrations of joy always manifested upon
our making them a present. The women especially were mosi
obliging in every respect, and, upon the whole, we should have
been the most suspicious of human beings lhad we entertained





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a single thought of perfidy on the part of a people wh( treated
us so well. A very short while sufficed to prove that this apparent kindness of disposition was only the result of a deeply-laid
plan for our destruction, and that the islanders for whom we entertained such inordinate feelings of esteem, were among the
most barbarous, subtle, and bloodthirsty wretches that ever contaminated the face of the globe.
It was on the first of February that we went on shore for the
purpose of visiting the village.' Although, as said before, we
entertained not the slightest suspicion, still no proper precaution
was neglected. Six men were left in the schooner, with instructions to permit none of the savages to approach the vessel during
our absence, under any pretence whatever, and to remain constantly on deck.  The boarding-nettings were up, the guns
double-shotted with grape and canister, and the swivels loaded
with canisters of musket-balls. She lay, with her anchor apeak,
about a mile from the shore, and no canoe could approach her
in any direction without being distinctly seen and exposed to
the full fire of our swivels immediately.
The six men being left on board, our shore-party consisted of
thirty-two persons in all. We were armed to the teeth, having
with us muskets, pistols, and cutlasses, besides each a long kind
of seaman's knife, somewhat resembling the Bowie knife now so
much used throughout our western and southern country. A
hundred of the black skin warriors met us at the landing for the
purpose of accompanying us on our way. We noticed, however,
with some surprise, that they were now entirely without arms;
and, upon questioning Too-wit in relation to this circumstance,
he merely answered that Mattee non we pa pa si-meaning that
there was no need of arms where all were brothers. We took
this in good part, and proceeded.
We had passed the spring and rivulet of which I before
spoke, and were now entering upon a narrow gorge leading
through the chain of soapstone hills among which the village
was situated. This gorge was very rocky and uneven, so much
so that it was with no little difficulty we scrambled through it on
our first visit to Klock-klock. The whole length of the ravine
might have been a mile and a half, or probably two miles. It





A. GORDON PYM.


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wound in every possible direction through the hills (having
apparently formed, at some remote period, the bed of a torrent),
in no instance proceeding more than twenty yards without an
abrupt turn. The sides of this dell would have averaged, I am
sure, seventy or eighty feet in perpendicular altitude throughout
the whole of their extent, and in some portions they arose to an
astonishing height, overshadowing the pass so completely that
but little of the light of day could penetrate. The general width
was about forty feet, and occasionally it diminished so as not to
allow the passage of more than five or six persons abreast. In
short, there could be no place in the world better adapted for the
consummation of an ambuscade, and it was no more than natural
that we should look carefully to our arms as we entered upon it.
When I now think of our egregious folly, the chief subject of
astonishment seems to be, that we should have ever ventured,
under any circumstances, so completely into the power of unknown savages as to permit them to march both bIfore and
behind us in our progress through this ravine. Yet such was
the order we blindly took up, trusting foolishly to the force of
our party, the unarmed condition of Too-wit and his men, the
certain efficacy of our fire-arms (whose effect was yet a secret to
the natives), and, more than all, to the long-sustained pretension
of friendship kept up by these infamous wretches. Five or six
of them went on before, as if to lead the way, ostentatiously
busying themselves in removing the larger stones and rubbish
from the path. Next came our own party. We walked closely
together, taking care only to prevent separation. Behind followed the main body of the savages, observing unusual order
and decorum.
Dirk Peters, a man named Wilson Allen, and myself were on
the right of our companions, examining, as we went along, the
singular stratification of the precipice which overhung us. A
fissure in the soft rock attracted our attention. It was about
wide enough for one person to enter without squeezing, and extended back into the hill some eighteen or twenty feet in a
straight course, sloping afterward to the left. The height of the
opening, as far as we could see into it from the main gorge, was
perhaps sixty or seventy feet. There were one or two stunted





1s8


NARRATIVE OF


shrubs growing from the crevices, bearing a species of filbert,
which I felt some curiosity to examine, and pushed in briskly
for that purpose, gathering five or six of the nuts at a grasp,
and then hastily retreating. As I turned, I found that Peters
and Allen had followed me. I desired them to go back, as there
was not room for' two persons to pass, saying they should have
some of my nuts. They accordingly turned, and were scrambling back, Allen being close to the mouth of the fissure, when
I was suddenly aware of a concussion resembling nothing I had
ever before experienced, and which impressed me with a vague
conception, if indeed I then thought of anything, that the whole
foundations of the solid globe were suddenly rent asunder, and
that the day of universal dissolution was at hand.
CHAPTER XXI.
As soon as I could collect my scattered senses, I found myself
nearly suffocated, and grovelling in utter darkness among a
quantity of loose earth, which was also falling upon me heavily
in every direction, threatening to bury me entirely. Horribly
alarmed at this idea, I struggled to gain my feet, and at length
succeeded. I then remained motionless for some moments, endeavoring to. conceive what had happened to me, and where I
was. Presently I heard a deep groan just at my ear, and afterward the smothered voice of Peters calling to me for aid in the
name of God. I scrambled one or two paces forward, when I
fell directly over the head and shoulders of my companion, who,
I soon discovered, was buried in a loose mass of earth as far as
his middle, and struggling desperately to free himself from the
pressure. I tore the dirt from around him with all the energy
I could command, and at length succeeded in getting him out.
As soon as we sufficiently recovered from our fright and surprise to be capable of conversing rationally, we both came to the
conclusion that the walls of the fissure in which we had ventured
had, by some convulsion of nature, or probably from their own
weight, caved in overhead, and that we were consequently lost
for ever, being thus entombed alive. For a long time we gave





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ap suplnely to the most intense agony and despair, such as cannot be adequately imagined by those who have never been in a
similar situation. I firmly believed that no incident ever occurring in the course of human events is more adapted to inspire
the supremeness of mental and bodily distress than a case like
our own, of living inhumation.  The blackness of darkness
which envelops the victim, the terrific oppression of lungs, the
stifling fumes from the damp earth, unite with the ghastly considerations that we are beyond the remotest confines of hope,
and that such is the allotted portion of the 'dead, to carry into the
human heart a degree of appalling awe and horror not to be
tolerated-never to be conceived.
At length Peters proposed that we should endeavor to ascer
tain precisely the extent of our calamity, and grope about our
prison; it being barely possible, he observed, that some opening
might be yet left us for escape. I caught eagerly at this hope,
and, arousing myself to exertion, attempted to force my way
through the loose earth. Hardly had I advanced a single step
before a glimmer of light became perceptible, enough to convince
me that, at all events, we should not immediately perish for want
of air. We now took some degree of heart, and encouraged each
'other to hope' for the best. Having scrambled over a bank of
rubbish which impeded our farther progress in the direction of
the light, we found less difficulty in advancing, and also experienced some relief from the excessive oppression of lungs which
had tormented us. Presently we were enabled to obtain a glimpse
of the objects around, and discovered that we were near the extremity of the straight portion of the fissure, where it made a
turn to the left. A few struggles more, and we reached the
bend, when, to our inexpressible joy, there appeared a long seam
or crack extending upward a vast distance, generally at an angle
of about forty-five degrees, although sometimes much more precipitous. We could not see through the whole extent of this
opening; but, as a good deal of light came down it, we had little
doubt of finding at the top of it (if we could by any means reach
the top) a clear passage into the open air.
I now called to mind that three of us had entered the fissure
from the main gorge, and that our companion, Allen, was still





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missing; we determined at once to retrace our steps and look.lb.
him. After a long search, and much danger from the farthci
caving in of the earth above us, Peters at length cried out to me
that he had hold of our companion's foot, and that his whole body
was deeply buried beneath the rubbish, beyond a possibility of
extricating him. I soon found that what he said was too true,
and that, of course, life had been long extinct. With sorrowful
hearts, therefore, we left the corpse to its fate, and again made
our way to the bend.
The breadth of the seam was barely sufficient to admit us, and,
after one or two ineffectual efforts at getting up, we began once
more to despair. I have before said that the chain of hills
through which ran the main gorge was composed of a species of
soft rock resembling soap-stone. The sides of the cleft we were
now attempting to ascend were of the same material, and so excessively slippery, being wet, that we could get but little footkhold upon them even in their least precipitous parts; in some
places, where the ascent was nearly perpendicular, the difficulty
was, of course, much aggravated; and, indeed, for some time we
thought it insurmountable. We took courage, however, from
despair; and what, by dint of cutting steps in the soft stone with
our Bowie knives, and swinging, at the risk of our lives, to small
projecting points of a harder species of slaty rock which now and
then protruded from the general mass, we at length reached a
natural platform, from which was perceptible a patch of blue sky,
at the extremity of a thickly-wooded ravine. Looking back now,
with somewhat more leisure, at the passage through which we
had thus far proceeded, we clearly saw, from the appearance of
its sides, that it was of late formation, and we concluded that the
concussion, whatever it was, which had so unexpectedly overwhelmed us, had also, at the same moment, laid open this path
for escape. Being quite exhausted with exertion, and, indeed,
so weak that we were scarcely able to stand or articulate, Peters
now proposed that we should endeavor to bring our companions
to the rescue by firing the pistols which still remained in our
girdles-the muskets as well as cutlasses had been lost among
the loose earth at the bottom of the chasm. Subsequent events
proved that, had we fired, we should have sorely repented it





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but luckily, a half suspicion of foul play had by this time arisen
in my mind, and we forbore to let the savages know of our
whereabouts.
After having reposed for about an hour, we pushed on slowly
up the ravine, and had gone no great way before we heard a
succession of tremendous yells. At length we reached what
might be called the surface of the ground; for our path hitherto,
since leaving the platform, had lain beneath an archway of high
rock and foliage, at a vast distance overhead. With great caution we stole to a narrow opening, through which we had a clear
sight of the surrounding country, when the whole dreadful secret
of the concussion broke upon us in one moment and at one
view.
The spot from which we looked was not far from the summit
of the highest peak in the range of the soapstone hills. The
gorge in which our party of thirty-two had entered ran within
fifty feet to the left of us. But, for at least one hundred yards,
the channel or bed of this gorge was entirely filled up with the
chaotic ruins of more than a million tons of earth and stone that
had been artificially tumbled within it. The means by which
the vast mass had been precipitated were not more simple than
evident, for sure traces of the murderous work were yet remaining. In several spots along the top of the eastern side of the
gorge (we were now on the western) might be seen stakes of
wood driven into the earth. In these spots the earth had not
given way; but throughout the whole extent of the face of the
precipice from which the mass had fallen, it was clear, from
marks left in the soil resembling those made by the drill of the
rock-blaster, that stakes similar to those we saw standing had
been inserted, at not more than a yard apart, for the length of
perhaps three hundred feet, and ranging at about ten feet back
from the edge of the gulf. Strong cords of grape vine were attached to the stakes still remaining on the hill, and it was evident that such cords had also been attached to each of the other
stakes. I have already spoken of the singular stratification of
these soap-stone hills; and the description just given of the narrow and deep fissure through which we effected our escape from
inhumation will afford a further conception of its nature. This
VOL. IV.- 11





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was such that almost every natural convulsion would be sure tO
split the soil into perpendicular layers or ridges running parallel
with one another; and a very moderate exertion of art would be
sufficient for effecting the same purpose. Of this stratification
the savages had availed themselves to accomplish their treacherous ends. There can be no doubt that, by the continuous line of
stakes, a partial rupture of the soil had been brought about,
probably to the depth of one or two feet, when, by means of a
savage pulling at the end of each of the cords (these cords being
attached to the tops of the stakes, and extending back from the
edge of the cliff), a vast leverage power was obtained, capable
of hurling the whole face of the hill, upon a given signal, into the
bosom of the abyss below. The fate of our poor companions was
no longer a matter of uncertainty. We alone had escaped from
the tempest of that overwhelming destruction. We were the
only living white men upon the island.
CHAPTER XXII.
OUR situation, as it now appeared, was scarcely less dreadful
than when we had conceived ourselves entombed forever. We
saw before us no prospect but that of being put to death by the
savages, or of dragging out a miserable existence in captivity
among them. We might, to be sure, conceal ourselves for a
time from their observation among the fastnesses of the hills,
and, as a final resort, in the chasm from which we had just
issued; but we must either perish in the long Polar winter
through cold and famine, or be ultimately discovered in our efforts to obtain relief.
The whole country around us seemed to be swarming with
savages, crowds of whom, we now perceived, had come overfrom the islands to the southward on flat rafts, doubtless with a
view of lending their aid in the capture and plunder of the Jane.
The vessel still lay calmly at anchor in the bay, those on board
being apparently quite unconscious of any danger awaiting them.
HIow we longed at that moment to be with them! either to aid





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in effecting their escape, or to perish with them in attempting a
defence. We saw no chance even of warning them of their
danger without bringing immediate destruction upon our own
heads, with but a remote hope of benefit to them. A pistol fired
might suffice to apprise them that something wrong had occurred; but the report could not possibly inform them that thei,
only prospect of safety lay in getting out of the harbor forthwith-it could not tell them that no principles of honor now
bound them to remain, that their companions were no longer
among the living. Upon hearing the discharge they could not
be more thoroughly prepared to meet the foe, who were now
getting ready to attack, than they already were, and always had
been. No good, therefore, and infinite harm, would result from
our firing, and, after mature deliberation, we forbore.
Our next thought was to attempt a rush towards the vessel,
to seize one of the four canoes which lay at the head of the bay,
and endeavor to force a passage on board. But the utter impossibility of succeeding in this desperate task soon became evident. The country, as I said before, was literally swarming
with the natives, skulking among the bushes and recesses of the
hills, so as not to be observed from the schooner. In our immediate vicinity especially, and blockading the sole path by which
we could hope to attain the shore in the proper point, were stationed the whole party of the black skin warriors, with Too-wit
at their head, and apparently only waiting for some re-enforcement to commence his onset upon the Jane. The canoes, too,
which lay at the head of the bay, were manned with savages,
unarmed, it is true, but who undoubtedly had arms within reach.
We were forced, therefore, however unwillingly, to remain in
our place of concealment, mere spectators of the conflict which
presently ensued.
In about half an hour we saw some sixty or seventy rafts, or
flatboats, with outriggers, filled with savages, and coming round
the southern bight of the harbor. They appeared to have no
arms except short clubs, and stones which lay in the bottom of
the rafts. Immediately afterward another detachment, still larger, approached in an opposite direction, and with similar weapons.
The four canoes, too, were now quickly filled with natives, start.





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NARRATIVE OF


ing up from the bushes at the head of the bay, and put off
swiftly to join the other parties. Thus, in less time than I have
taken to tell it, and as if by magic, the Jane saw herself surrounded by an immense multitude of desperadoes evidently bent
upon capturing her at all hazards.
That they would succeed in so doing could not be doubted for
an instant. The six men left in the vessel, however resolutely
they might engage in her defenc j, were altogether unequal to
the proper management of the gans, or in any manner to sustain a contest at such odds. I cculd hardly imagine that they
would make resistance at all, I ut in this was deceived; for
presently I saw them get springs upon the cable, and bring the
vessel's starboard broadside to bear upon the canoes, which by
this time were within pistol ran;e, the rafts being nearly a quarter of a mile to windward. Owing to some cause unknown, but
most probably to the agitation of our poor friends at seeing
themselves in so hopeless a situaticA the discharge was an entire
failure. Not a canoe was hit or a single savage injured, the
shots striking short and ricochCting over their heads. The only
effect produced upon them was astonishment at the unexpected
report and smoke, which wa;, so excessive that for some moments I almost thought they Nx ould abandon their design entirely,
and return to the shore. And this they would most likely have
done had our men followed up their broadside by a discharge of
small arms, in which, as the canoes were now so near at hand,
they could not have failed in doing some execution, sufficient, at
least, to deter this party from a farther advance, until they could
have given the rafts also a broadside. But, in place of this,
they left the canoe party to recover from their panic, and, by
looking about them, to see that no injury had been sustained,
while they flew to the larboard to get ready for the rafts.
The discharge to larboard produced the most terrible effect.
The star and double-headed shot of the large guns cut seven or
eight of the rafts completely asunder, and killed, perhaps, thirty
or forty of the savages outright, while a hundred of them, at
least, were thrown into the water, the most of them dreadfully
wounded. The remainder, frightened out of their senses, commenced at once a precipitate retreat, not even waiting to pick





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up their maimed companions, who were swimming about in
every direction, screaming and yelling for aid. This great success, however, came too late for the salvation of our devoted
people. The canoe party were already on board the schooner
to the number of more than a hundred and fifty, the most of
them having succeeded in scrambling up the chains and over
the boarding-nettings even before the matches had been applied
to the larboard guns. Nothing could now withstand their brute
rage. Our men were borne down at once, overwhelmed, trodden under foot, and absolutely torn to pieces in an instant.
Seeing this, the savages on the rafts got the better of their
fears, and came up in shoals to the plunder. In five minutes the
Jane was a pitiable scene indeed of havoc and tumultuous outrage. The decks were split open and ripped up; the cordage,
sails, and everything movable on deck demolished as if by
magic; whiles by dint of pushing at the stern, towing with the
canoes, and hauling at the sides, as they swam in thousands
around the vessel, the wretches finally forced her on shore (the
cable having been slipped), and delivered her over to the good
offices of Too-wit, who, during the whole of the engagement, had
maintained, like a skilful general, his post of security and reconnoissance among the hills, but, now that the victory was completed to his satisfaction, condescended to scamper down with
his warriors of the black skin, and become a partaker in the
spoils.
Too-wit's descent left us at liberty to quit our hiding-place
and reconnoitre the hill in the vicinity of the chasm. At about
fifty yards from the mouth of it we saw a small spring of water,
at which we slaked the burning thirst that now consumed us.
Not far from the spring we discovered several of the filbert.
bushes which I mentioned before. Upon tasting the nuts we
found them palatable, and very nearly resembling in flavor the
common English filbert. We collected our hats full immediately,
deposited them within the ravine, and returned for more. While
we were busily employed in gathering these, a rustling in the
bushes alarmed us, and we were upon the point of stealing back
to our covert, when a large black bird of the bittern species strugglingly and slowly arose above the shrubs. I was so much





166


NARRATIV E OF


startled that I could do nothing, but Peters had sufficient pro.
sence of mind to run up to it before it could make its escape,
and seize it by the neck. Its struggles and screams were tremendous, and we had thoughts of letting it go, lest the noise
should alarm some of the savages who might be still lurking in
the neighborhood. A stab with a Bowie knife, however, at
length brought it to the ground, and we dragged it into the
ravine, congratulating ourselves that, at all events, we had thus
obtained a supply of food enough to last us for a week.
We now went out again to look about us, and ventured a considerable distance down the southern declivity of the hill, but
met with nothing else which could serve us for food. We therefore collected a quantity of dry wood and returned, seeing one
or two large parties of the natives on their way to the village,
laden with the plunder of the vessel, and who, we were apprehensive, might discover us in passing beneath the hill.
Our next care was to render our place of concealment as
secure as possible, and, with this object, we arranged some brushwood over the aperture which I have before spoken of as the
one through which we saw the patch of blue sky, on reaching
the platform from the interior of the chasm. We left only a
very small opening, just wide enough to admit of our seeing the
bay, without the risk of being discovered from below. Having
done this, we congratulated ourselves upon the security of the
position; for we were now completely excluded from observation, as long as we chose to remain within the ravine itself, and
not venture out upon the hill. We could perceive no traces of
the savages having ever been within this hollow; but, indeed,
when we came to reflect upon the probability that the fissure
through which we attained it had been only just now created by
the fall of the cliff opposite, and that no other way of attaining
it could be perceived, we were not so much rejoiced at the
thought of being secure from molestation as fearful lest there
should be absolutely no means left us for descent. We resolved
to explore the summit of the hill thoroughly, when a good opportunity should offer. In the mean time we watched the motions of the savages through our loophole.
They had already made a complete wreck of the vessel, and





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were now preparing to set her on fire. In a little while we saw
the smoke ascending in huge volumes from her main-hatchway,
and, shortly afterward, a dense mass of flame burst up from the
forecastle. The rigging, masts, and what remained of the sails
caught immediately, and the fire spread rapidly along the decks.
Still a great many of the savages retained their stations about
her, hammering with large stones, axes, and cannon balls at the
bolts and other copper and iron work. On the beach, and in
canoes and rafts, there were not less, altogether, in the immediate vicinity of the schooner, than ten thousand natives, besides
the shoals of them who, laden with booty, were making their way
inland and over to the neighboring islands. We now anticipated
a catastrophe, and were not disappointed. First of all there
came a smart shock (which we felt distinctly where we were as
if we had been slightly galvanized), but unattended with any
visible signs of an explosion. The savages were evidently startled, and paused for an instant from their labors and yellings.
They were upon the point of recommencing, when suddenly a
mass of smoke puffed up from the decks, resembling a black and
heavy thunder-cloud-then, as if from its bowels, arose a tall
stream of vivid fire to the height, apparently, of a quarter of a
mile-then there came a sudden    circular expansion of the
flame-then the whole atmosphere was magically crowded,
in a single instant, with a wild chaos of wood, and metal, and hu
man limbs-and, lastly, came the concussion in its fullest fury,
which hurled us impetuously from our feet, while the hills
echoed and re-echoed the tumult, and a dense shower of the minutest fragments of the ruins tumbled headlong in every direction
around us.
The havoc among the savages far exceeded our utmost expectation, and they had now, indeed, reaped the full and perfect
fruits of 'their treachery. Perhaps a thousand perished by the
explosion, while at least an equal number were desperately
mangled. The whole surface of the bay was literally strewn
with the struggling and drowning wretches, and on shore matters
were even worse. They seemed utterly appalled by the suddenness and completeness of their discomfiture, and made no effortat assisting one another. At length we observed a total change





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in their demeanor. From absolute stupor, they appeared to be,
all at once, aroused to the highest pitch of excitement, and
rushed wildly about, going to and from a certain point on the
beach, with the strangest expressions of mingled horror, rage, and
intense curiosity depicted on their countenances, and shouting, at
the top of their voices, Tekeli-li! Tekeli-li!
Presently we saw a large body go off into the hills, whence
they returned in a short time, carrying stakes of wood. These
they brought to the station where the crowd was the thickest,
which now separated so as to afford us a view of the object of all
this excitement. We perceived something white lying upon the
ground, but could not immediately make out what it was. At
length we saw that it was the carcass of the strange animal with
the scarlet teeth and claws which the schooner had picked up at
sea on the eighteenth of January. Captain Guy had had the
body preserved for the purpose of stuffing the skin and taking it
to England. I remember he had given some directions about it
just before our making the island, and it had been brought into
the cabin and stowed away in one of the lockers. It had now
been thrown on shore by the explosion; but why it had occasioned so much concern among the savages was more than we
could comprehend. Although they crowded around the carcass
at a little distance, none of them seemed willing to approach it
closely. By-and-by the men with the stakes drove them in a
circle around it, and, no sooner was this arrangement completed,
than the whole of the vast asseamblage rushed into the interior of
the island, with loud screams of Tekeli-li! Tekeli-li!
CHAPTER XXIII.
DURING the six or seven days immediately following we remained in our hiding-place upon the hill, going out only occasionally, and then with the greatest precaution, for water and filberts.
We had made a kind of pent-house on the platform, furnishing it
with a bed of dry leaves, and placing in it three large flat stones,





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169


which served us for both fire-place and table. We kindled a
fire without difficulty by rubbing two pieces of dry wood together,
the one soft, the other hard. The bird we had taken in such
good season proved excellent eating, although somewhat tough.
It was not an oceanic fowl, but a species of bittern, with jet black
and grizzly plumage, and diminutive wings in proportion to its
bulk. We afterward saw three of the same kind in the vicinity
of the ravine, apparently seeking for the one we had captured;
but, as they never alighted, we had no opportunity of catching
them.
As long as this fowl lasted we suffered nothing from our situation but it was now entirely consumed, and it became absolutely
necessary that we should look out for provision. The filberts
would not satisfy the cravings of hunger, afflicting us, too, with
severe gripings of the bowels, and, if freely indulged in, with
violent headache. We had seen several large tortoises near the
seashore to the eastward of the hill, and perceived they might be
easily taken, if we could get at them without the observation of
the natives. It was resolved, therefore, to make an attempt at
descending.
We commenced by going down the southern declivity, which
seemed to offer the fewest difficulties, but had not proceeded a
hundred yards before(as we had anticipated from appearances on
the hill-top) our progress was entirely arrested by a branch of
the gorge in which our companions had perished. We now
passed along the edge of this for about a quarter of a mile, when
we were again stopped by a precipice of immense depth, and, not
being able to make our way along the brink of it, we were forced
to retrace our steps by the main ravine.
We now pushed over to the eastward, but, with precisely similar fortune. After an hour's scramble, at the risk of breaking
our necks, we discovered that we had merely descended into a
vast pit of black granite, with fine dust at the bottom, and whence
the only egress was by the rugged path in which we had come
down. Toiling again up this path, we now tried the northern
edge of the hill. Here we were obliged to use the greatest possible caution in our manceuvres, as the least indiscretion would
expose us to the full view of the savages in the village. We





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NARRATIVE OF


crawled along, therefore, on our hands and knees, and, occasionally, were even forced to throw ourselves at fulllength, dragging
our bodies along by means of the shrubbery. In this careful
manner we had proceeded but a little way, when we arrived at a
chasm far deeper than any we had yet seen, and leading directly
into the main gorge. Thus our fears were fully confirmed, and
we found ourselves cut off entirely from access to the world below. Thoroughly exhausted by our exertions, we made the best
of our way back to the platform, and, throwing ourselves upon
the bed of leaves, slept sweetly and soundly for some hours.
For several days after this fruitless search we were occupied
in exploring every part of the summit of the hill, in order to inform ourselves of its actual resources. We found that it would
afford us no food, with the exception of the unwholesome filberts,
and a rank species of scurvy grass which grew in a little patch
of not more than four rods square, and would be soon exhausted.
On the fifteenth of February, as near as I can remember, there
was not a blade of this left, and the nuts were growing scarce;
our situation, therefore, could hardly be more lamentable.*  On
the sixteenth we again went round the walls of our prison, in
hope of finding some avenue of escape; but to no purpose. We
also descended the chasm in which we had been overwhelmed,
with the faint expectation of discovering, through this channel,
some opening to the main ravine. Here, too, we were disappointed, although we found and brought up with us a musket.
On the seventeenth we set out with the determination of examining more thoroughly the chasm of black granite into which
we had made our way in the first search. We remembered that
one of the fissures in the sides of this pit had been but partially
looked into, and we were anxious to explore it, although with no
expectation of discovering here any opening.
We found no great difficulty in reaching the bottom of the
hollow as before, and were now sufficiently calm to survey it
with some attention. It was, indeed, one of the most singular
looking places imaginable, and we could scarcely bring ourselves
to believe it altogether the work of nature. The pit, from its
* This day was rendered remarkable by our observing in the south several
huge wreaths of the grayish vapor I have before spoken of.





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171


eastern to its western extremity, was about five hundred yards in
length, when all its windings were threaded; the distance from
east to west in a straight line not being more (I should suppose,
having no means of accurate examination) than forty or fifty
yards. Upon first descending into the chasm, that is to say, for
a hundred feet downward from the summit of the hill, the sides
of the abyss bore little resemblance to each other, and, apparently,
had at no time been connected, the one surface being of the soapstone, and the other of marl, granulated with some metallic matter. The average breadth, or interval between the two cliffs,
was probably here sixty feet, but there seemed to be no regular.
ity of formation. Passing down, however, beyond the limit
spoken of, the interval rapidly contracted, and the sides began to
run parallel, although for some distance farther, they were still
dissimilar in their material and form of surface. Upon arriving
within fifty feet of the bottom, a perfect regularity commenced.
The sides were now entirely uniform in substance, in color, and
in lateral direction, the material being a very black and shining
granite, and the distance between the two sides, at all points, facing each other, exactly twenty yards. The precise formation
of the chasm will be best understood by means of a delineation
taken upon the spot; for I had luckily with me a pocket-book and
pencil, which I preserved with great care through a long series
of subsequent adventure, and to which I am indebted for memoranda of many subjects which would otherwise have been crowded from my remembrance.
Figure 1.





NARRATIVE OF


This figure (see figure 1) gives the general outlines of the
chasm, without the minor cavities in the sides, of which there
were several, each cavity having a corresponding protuberance
opposite. The bottom of the gulf was covered to the depth of
three or four inches with a powder almost impalpable, beneath
which we found a continuation of the black granite. To the
right, at the lower extremity, will be noticed the appearance of a
small opening; this is the fissure alluded to above, and to examine which more minutely than before was the object of our second
visit. We now pushed into it with vigor, cutting away a quantity
of brambles which impeded us, and removing a vast heap of sharp
flints somewhat resembling arrowheads in shape. We were encouraged to persevere, however, by perceiving some little light
proceeding from the farther end. We at length squeezed our
way for about thirty feet, and found that the aperture was a low
and regularly-formed arch, having a bottom of the same impalpable powder as that in the main chasm. A strong light now broke
upon us, and, turning a short bend, we found ourselves in another lofty chamber, similar to the one we had left in every
respect but longitudinal form. Its general figure is here given.
(See figure 2.)
Figure 2.
The total length of this chasm, commencing at the opening a
and proceeding round the curve b to the extremity d, is five hundred and fifty yards. At c we discovered a small aperture similai to the one through which we had issued from the other chasm,





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173


and this was choked up in the same manner with brambles and a
quantity of the white arrowhead flints. We forced our way
through it, finding it about forty feet long, and emerged into a
third chasm. This, too, was precisely like the first, except in its
longitudinal shape, which was thus. (See figure 3.)
Figure 3.                   Figure 5.
We found the entire length of the third chasm three hundred
and twenty yards. At the point a was an opening about six feet
wide, and extending fifteen feet into the rock, where it terminated in a bed of marl, there being no other chasm beyond, as we
had expected. We were about leaving this fissure, into which
very little light was admitted, when Peters called my attention to
a range of singular looking indentures in the surface of the marl
forming the termination of the cul-de-sac. With a very slight
exertion of the imagination, the left, or most northern of these indentures might have been taken for the intentional, although
rude, representation of a human figure standing erect, with outstretched arm. The rest of them bore also some little resemb
lance to alphabetical characters, and Peters was willing, at all
events, to adopt the idle opinion that they: were really such. I
convinced him of his error, finally, by directing his attention to
the floor of the fissure, where, among the powder, we picked up,
piece by piece, several large flakes of the marl, which had evidently been broken off by some convulsion from the surface
where the indentures were found, and which had projecting
points exactly fitting the indentures; thus proving them to have
been the work of nature. Figure 4, presents an accurate copy
of the whole.





174


NARRATIVE OF


Figure 4.
After satisfying ourselves that these singular caverns afforded
us no means of escape from our prison, we made our way back,
dejected and dispirited, to the summit of the hill. Nothing worth
mentioning occurred during the next twenty-four hours, except
that, in examining the ground to the eastward of the third chasm,
we found two triangular holes of great depth, and also with
black granite sides. Into these holes we did not think it worth
while to attempt descending, as they had the appearance of mere
natural wells, without outlet. They were each about twenty
yards in circumference, and their shape, as well as relative position in regard to the third chasm, is shown in figure 5, preceding
page.
CHAPTER XXIII.
ON the twentieth of the month, finding it altogether impossible to subsist any longer upon the filberts, the use of which
occasioned us the most excruciating torment, we resolved to make
a desperate attempt at descending the southern declivity of the
hill. The face of the precipice was here of the softest species of
soapstone, although nearly perpendicular throughout its whole
extent (a depth of a hundred and fifty feet at the least), and in
many places even overarching. After long search we discovered
a narrow ledge about twenty feet below the brink of the gulf;
upon this Peters contrived to leap, with what assistance I could
render him by means of our pocket-handkerchiefs tied together.





A. GORDON PYML.


17f


With somewhat more difficulty I also got down; and we then
saw the possibility of descending the whole way by the process
in which we had clambered up from the chasm when we had
been buried by the fall of the hill-that is, by cutting steps in
the face of the soapstone with our knives. The extreme hazard
of the attempt can scarcely be conceived; but, as there was no
other resource, we determined to undertake it.
Upon the ledge where we stood there grew some filbert-bushes;
and to one of these we made fast an end of our rope of handkerchiefs. The other end being tied round Peters's waist, I lowered
him down over the edge of the precipice until the handkerchiefs
were stretched tight. He now proceeded to dig a deep hole in
the soapstone (as far in as eight or ten inches), sloping away
the rock above to the height of a foot, or thereabout, so as to
allow of his driving, with the butt of a pistol, a tolerably strong
peg into the levelled surface. I then drew him up for about
four feet, when he made a hole similar to the one below, driving
in a peg as before, and having thus a resting-place for both feet
and hands. I now unfastened the handkerchiefs from the bush,
throwing him the end, which he tied to the peg in the uppermost
hole, letting himself down gently to a station about three feet
lower than he had yet been, that is, to the full extent of the
handkerchiefs. Here he dug another hole, and drove another
peg. He then drew himself up, so as to rest his feet in the
hole just cut, taking hold with his hands upon the peg in the one
above. It was now necessary to untie the handkerchiefs from
the topmost peg, with the view of fastening them to the second;
and here he found that an error had been committed in cutting
the holes at so great a distance apart. However, after one or
two unsuccessful and dangerous attempts at reaching the knot
(having to hold on with his left hand while he labored to undo
the fastening withhis right), he at length cut the string, leaving
six inches of it affixed to the peg. Tying the handkerchiefs
now to the second peg, he descended to a station below the third,
taking care not to go too far down. By these means (means
which I should never have conceived of mnyself, and for which
we were indebted altogether to Peters's ingenuity and resolution)





NARRATIVE OF


my companion finally succeeded, with the occasional aid of pro.
jections in the cliff, in reaching the bottom without accident.
It was some time before I could summon sufficient resolution
to follow him; but I did at length attempt it. Peters had taken
off his shirt before descending, and this, with my own, formed
the rope necessary for the adventure. After throwing down the
musket found in the chasm, I fastened this rope to the bushes,
and let myself down rapidly, striving, by the vigor of my movements, to banish the trepidation which I could overcome in no
other manner. This answered sufficiently well for the first four
or five steps; but presently I found my imagination growing terribly excited by thoughts of the vast depth yet to be descended,
and the precarious nature of the pegs and soapstone holes which
were my only support. It was in vain I endeavored to banish
these reflections, and to keep my eyes steadily bent upon the
flat surface of the cliff before me. The more earnestly I strug
gled not to think, the more intensely vivid became my conceptions, and the more horribly distinct. At length arrived that
crisis of fancy, so fearful in all similar cases, the crisis in which
we begin to anticipate the feelings with which we shall fall--to
picture to ourselves the sickness, and dizziness, and the last
struggle, and the half swoon, and the final bitterness of the rushing and headlong descent. And now I found these fancies creating their own realities, and all imagined horrors crowding upon
me in fact. I felt my knees strike violently together, while my
fingers were gradually yet certainly relaxing their grasp. There
was a ringing in my ears, and I said, " This is my knell of
death!" And now I was consumed with the irrepressible desire
of looking below. I could not, I would not, confine my glances
to the cliff; and, with a wild, indefinable emotion, half of horror,
half of a relieved oppression, I threw my vision far down into
the abyss. For one moment my fingers clutched convulsively
upon their hold, while, with the movement, the faintest possible
idea of ultimate escape wandered, like a shadow, through my
mind-in the next my whole soul was pervaded with a longing
to fill; a desire, a yearning, a passion utterly uncontrollable. I
let go at once my gra.sp upon the peg, and, turning half round
from the precipice, remained tottering for an instant against its





A. GORDON PYM.


177


naked face. But now there came a spinning of the brain; a
shrill-sounding and phantom voice screamed within my ears; a
dusky, fiendish, and filmy figure stood immediately beneath me;
and, sighing, I sunk down with a bursting heart, and plunged
witLin its arms.
I had swooned, and Peters had caught me as I fell. He had
observed my proceedings from his station at the bottom of the
cliff; and perceiving my imminent danger, had endeavored to
inspire me with courage by every suggestion he could devise;
although my confusion of mind had been so great as to prevent
my hearing what he said, or being conscious that he had even
spoken to me at all. At length, seeing me totter, he hastened to
ascend to my rescue, and arrived just in time for my preservation. Had I fallen with my full weight, the rope of linen would
inevitably have snapped, and I should have been precipitated
into the abyss; as it was, he contrived to let me down gently,
so as to remain suspended without danger until animation returned. This was in about fifteen minutes. On recovery, my
trepidation had entirely vanished; I felt a new being, and, with
some little further aid from my companion, reached the bottom
also in safety.
We now found ourselves not far from the ravine which had
proved the tomb of our friends, and to the southward of the spot
where the hill had fallen. The place was one of singular wildness, and its aspect brought to my mind the descriptions given by
travellers of those dreary regions marking the site of degraded
Babylon. Not to speak of the ruins of the disruptured cliff,
which formed a chaotic barrier in the vista to the northward, the
surface of the ground in every other direction was strewn with
huge tumuli, apparently the wreck of some gigantic structures
of art; although, in detail, no semblance of art could be detected. Scoria were abundant, and large shapeless blocks of the
black granite, intermingled with others of marl,* and both
granulated with metal. Of vegetation there were no traces
whatsoever throughout the whole of the desolate area within
sight. Several immense scorpions were seen, and various reptiles not elsewhere to be found in the high latitudes.
* The marl was also black; indeed, we noticed no light-colored substances of any kind upon the island.
VoL. IV.-12





178


NARRATIVE OF


As food was our most immediate object, we resolved to make
our way to the sea-coast, distant not more than half a mile, with
a view of catching turtle, several of which we had observed from
our place of concealment on the hill. We had proceeded some
hundred yards, threading our route cautiously between the huge
rocks and tumuli, when, upon turning a corner, five savages
sprung upon us from a small cavern, felling Peters to the ground
with a blow from a club. As he fell the whole party rushed upon him to secure their victim, leaving me time to recover from
my astonishment. I still had the musket, but the barrel had
received so much injury in being thrown from the precipice that
I cast it aside as useless, preferring to trust my pistols, which had
been carefully preserved in order. With these I advanced upon
the assailants, firing one after the other in quick succession. Two
savages fell, and one, who was in the act of thrusting a spear
into Peters, sprung to his feet without accomplishing his purpose.
My companion being thus released, we had no further difficulty.
I-Ie had his pistols also, but prudently declined using them, confiding in his great personal strength, which far exceeded that of
any person I have ever known. Seizing a club from one of the
savages who had fallen, he dashed out the brains of the three who
remained, killing each instantaneously with a single blow of the
weapon, and leaving us completely masters of the field.
So rapidly had these events passed, that we could scarcely believe in their reality, and were standing over the bodies of the
dead in a species of stupid contemplation, when we were brought
to recollection by the sound of shouts in the distance. It was clear
that the savages had been alarmed by the firing, and that we had
little chance of avoiding discovery. To regain the cliff, it would
be necessary to proceed in the direction of the shouts; and even
should we succeed in arriving at its base, we should never be
able to ascend it without being seen. Our situation was one of
the greatest peril, and we were hesitating in which path to commence a flight, when one of the savages whom I had shot, and
supposed dead, sprang briskly to his feet, and attempted to make
his escape. We overtook him, however, before he had advanced
many paces, and were about to put him to death, when Peters
suggested that we might derive some benefit from forcing him to





A. GORDON PYM.


179


accompany us in our attempt at escape. We therefore dragged
him with us, making him understand that we would shoot him if
he offered resistance. In a few minutes he was perfectly submissive, and ran by our sides as we pushed in among the rocks,
making for the sea-shore.
So far, the irregularities of the ground we had been traversing
hid the sea, except at intervals, from our sight, and, when we
first had it fairly in view, it was, perhaps, two hundred yards
distant. As we emerged into the open beach we saw, to our
great dismay, an immense crowd of the natives pouring from
the village, and from all visible quarters of the island, making
towards us with gesticulations of extreme fury, and howling like
wild beasts. We were upon the point of turning upon our steps,
and trying to secure a retreat among the fastnesses of the rougher
ground, when I discovered the bows of two canoes projecting
from behind a large rock which ran out into the water. Towards
these we now ran with all speed, and, reaching them, found them
unguarded, and without any other freight than three of the large
Gallipago turtles and the usual supply of paddles for sixty rowers.
We instantly took possession of one of them, and, forcing our
captive on board, pushed out to sea with all the strength we could
command.
We had not made, however, more than fifty yards from the
shore before we became sufficiently calm to perceive the great
oversight of which we had been guilty in leaving the other canoe
in the power of the savages, who, by this time, were not more
than twice as far from the beach as ourselves, and were rapidly
advancing to the pursuit. No time was now to be lost. Our
hope was, at best, a forlorn one, but we had none other. It was
very doubtful whether, with the utmost exertion, we could get
back in time to anticipate them in taking possession of the canoe;
but yet there was a chance that we could. We might save ourselves if we succeeded, while not to make the attempt was to re-,sign ourselves to inevitable butchery.
The canoe was modelled with the bow and stern alike, and, in
place of turning it around, we merely changed our position in
paddling. As soon as the savages perceived this they redoubled
their yells, as well as their speed, and approached with incon




180


NARRATIVE OF


ceivable rapidity. We pulled, however, with all the energy of
desperation, and arrived at the contested point before more than
one of the natives had attained it. This man paid dearly for his
superior agility, Peters shooting him through the head with a
pistol as he approached the shore. The foremost among the rest
of his party were probably some twenty or thirty paces distant
as we seized upon the canoe. We at first endeavored to pull her
into the deep water, beyond the reach of the savages, but, finding
her too firmly aground, and there being no time to spare, Peters,
with one or two heavy strokes from the butt of the musket, succeeded in dashing out a large portion of the bow and of one side.
We then pushed off. Two of the natives by this time had got
hold of our boat, obstinately refusing to let go, until we were
forced to despatch them with our knives. We were now clear
off, and making great way out to sea. The main body of the
savages, upon reaching the broken canoe, set up the most tremendous yell of rage and disappointment conceivable. In truth,
from everything I could see of these wretches, they appeared to
be the most wicked, hypocritical, vindictive, bloodthirsty, and
altogether fiendish race of men upon the face of the globe. It is
clear we should have had no mercy had we fallen into their hands.
They made a mad attempt at following us in the fractured canoe,
but, finding it useless, again vented their rage in a series of
hideous vociferations, and rushed up into the hills.
We were thus relieved from immediate danger, but our situation was still sufficiently gloomy. We knew that four canoes of
the kind we had were at one time in the possession of the savages, and were not aware of the fact (afterward ascertained from
our captive) that two of these had been blown to pieces in the
explosion of the Jane Guy. We calculated, therefore, upon
being yet pursued, as soon as our enemies could get round to the
bay (distant about three miles) where the boats were usually laid
up. Fearing this, we made every exertion to leave the island
behind us, and went rapidly through the water, forcing the prisoner to take a paddle. In about half an hour, when we had gained
probably, five or six miles to the southward, a large fleet of the
flat-bottomed canoes or rafts were seen to emerge from the bay,
evidently with the design of pursuit. Presently they put back,
despairing to overtake us.





A. GORDON PYM.


181


CHAPTER XXIV.
WE now found ourselves in the wide and desolate Antarctic
Ocean, in a latitude exceeding eighty-four degrees, in a frail canoe, and with no provision but the three turtles. The long Polar
winter, too, could not be considered as far distant, and it became
necessary that we should deliberate well upon the course to be
pursued. There were six or seven islands in sight belonging to
the same group, and distant from each other about five or six
leagues; but upon neither of these had we any intention to venture. In coming from the northward in the Jane Guy we had
been gradually leaving behind us the severest regions of ice-this,
however little it may be in accordance with the generally received
notions respecting the Antarctic, was a fact experience would not
permit us to deny. To attempt, therefore, getting back, would
be folly-especially at so late a period of the season. Only one
course seemed to be left open for hope. We resolved to steer
boldly to the southward, where there was at least a probability of
discovering other lands, and more than a probability of finding
a still milder climate.
So far we had found the Antarctic, like the Arctic Ocean, peculiarly free from violent storms or immoderately rough water;
but our canoe was, at best, of frail structure, although large, and
we set busily to work with a view of rendering her as safe as the
limited means in our possession would admit. The body of the
boat was of no better material than bark-the bark of a tree unknown. The ribs were of a tough osier, well adapted to the purpose for which it was used. We had fifty feet room from stem
to stern, from four to six in breadth, and in depth throughout f6ur
feet and a half-the boats thus differing vastly in shape from
those of any other inhabitants of the Southern Ocean with whom
civilized nations are acquainted. We never did believe them the
workmanship of the ignorant islanders who owned them; and
some days afer this period discovered, by questioning our captive,
that they were in fact made by the natives of a group to the





182


NARRATIVE OF


southwest of the country where we found them, having fallen ac.
cidentally into the hands of our barbarians. What we could do
for the security of our boat was very little indeed. Several wide
rents were discovered near both ends, and these we contrived to
patch up with pieces of woollen jacket. With the help of the
superfluous paddles, of which there were a great many, we erected
a kind of framework about the bow, so as to break the force of
any seas which might threaten to fill us in that quarter. We
also set up two paddle-blades for masts, placing them opposite
each other, one by each gunwale, thus saving the necessity of a
yard. To these masts we attached a sail made of our shirtsdoing this with some difficulty, as here we could get no assistance from our prisoner whatever, although he had been willing
enough to labor in all the other operations. The sight of the
linen seemed to affect him in a very singular manner. He could
not be prevailed upon to touch it or go near it, shuddering when
we attempted to force him, and shrieking out Tekeli-li.
Having completed our arrangements in regard to the security
of the canoe, we now set sail to the south southeast for the present, with the view of weathering the most southerly of the group
in sight. This being done, we turned the bow full to the southward. The weather could by no means be considered disagreeable. We had a prevailing and very gentle wind from the northward, a smooth sea, and continual daylight. No ice whatever
was to be seen; nor did I ever see one particle of this after leaving
the parallel of Bennetts Islet. Indeed, the temperature of the
water was here far too warm for its existence in any quantity.
Having killed the largest of our tortoises, and obtained from him
not only food, but a copious supply of water, we continued on our
course, without any incident of moment, for perhaps seven or
eight days, during which period we must have proceeded a vast
distance to the southward, as the wind blew constantly with us,
and a very strong current set continually in- the direction we were
pursuing.
Mfarch 1.*  Many unusual phenomena now indicated that we
- For obvious reasons I cannot pretend to strict accuracy in these dates.
They are given principally with a view to perspicuity of narration, and as
set down in my pencil memoranda.





A. GORDON PYM.


18q


were entering upon a region of novelty and wonder. A high
range of light gray vapor appeared constantly in the southern
horizon, flaring up occasionally in lofty streaks, now darting from
east to west, now from west to east, and again presenting a level
and uniform summit-in short, having all the wild variations of
the Aurora Borealis. The average height of this vapor, as apparent from, our station, was about twenty-five degrees. The
temperature of the sea seemed to be increasing momentarily, and
there was a very perceptible alteration in its color.
March 2. To-day, by repeated questioning of our captive, we
came to the knowledge of many particulars in regard to the
island of the massacre, its inhabitants, and customs-but with
these how can I now detain the reader? I may say, however,
that we learned there were,eight islands in the group-that they
were governed by a common king, named Tsalemon or Psalemoun,
who resided in one of the smallest of the islands; that the black skins
forming the dress of the warriors came from an animal of huge
size to be found only in a valley near the court of the king--
that the inhabitants of the group fabricated no other boats than
the flat-bottomed rafts; the four canoes being all of the kind in
their possession, and these having been obtained, by mere accident, from some large island in the southwest-that his own
name was Nu-Nu--that he had no knowledge of Bennett's Islet-and that the appellation of the island we had left was Tsalal.
The commencement of the words Tsalemon and Tsalal was given
with a prolonged hissing sound, which we found it impossible to.
imitate, even after repeated endeavors, and which was precisely
the same with the note of the black bittern we had eaten up on
the summit of the hill.
March 3. The heat of the water was now truly remarkable,
and its color was undergoing a rapid change, being no longer
transparent, but of a milky consistency and hue. In our immediate vicinity it was usually smooth, never so rough as to endanger the canoe-but we were frequently. surprised at perceiving,
to our right and left, at different distances, sudden and extensive
agitations of the surface-these, we at length noticed, were
always preceded by wild flickerings in the region of vapor to the
southward.





184


NARRATIVE OF


March 4. To-day, with the view of widening our sail, the
breeze from the northward dying away perceptibly, I took from
mly coat-pocket a white handkerchief. Nu-Nu was seated at my
elbow, and the linen accidentally flaring in his face, he became
violently affected with convulsions. These were succeeded by
drowsiness and stupor, and low murmurings of Tekeli-li! Tekeli-li!
March 5. The wind had entirely ceased, but it was evident
that we were still hurrying on to the southward, under the influence of a powerful current. And now, indeed, it would seem
reasonable that we should experience some alarm at the turn
events were taking-but we felt none. The countenance of Peters indicated nothing of this nature, although it wore at times an
expression I could not fathom. The Polar winter appeared to
be coming on-but coming without its terrors. I felt a numbness
of body and mind-a dreaminess of sensation-but this was all.
March 6. The gray vapor had now arisen many more degrees above the horizon, and was gradually losing its grayness
of tint. The heat of the water was extreme, even unpleasant to
the touch, and its milky hue was more evident than ever. Today a violent agitation of.the water occurred very close to the
canoe. It was attended, as usual, with a wild flaring up of the
vapor at its summit, and a momentary division at its base. A
fine white powder, resembling ashes-but certainly not suchfell over the canoe and over a large surface of the water, as the
flickering died away among the vapor and the commotion subsided in the sea. Nu-Nu now threw himself on his face in the
bottom of the boat, and no persuasions could induce him to arise.
March 7. This day we questioned Nu-Nu concerning the
motives of his countrymen in destroying our companions; but he
appeared to be too utterly overcome by terror to afford us any
rational reply. He still obstinately lay in the bottom of the
boat; and, upon our reiterating the questions as to the motive,
made use only of idiotic gesticulations, such as raising with his
forefinger the upper lip, and displaying the teeth which lay beneath it. These were black. We had never before seen the
teeth of an inhabitant of Tsalal.
Mfrch 8. To-day there floated by us one of the white ani




A. GORDON PYM.


181


mals whose appearance upon the beach at Tsalal had occasione:so wild a commotion among the savages. I would have picked
it up, but there came over me a sudden listlessness, and I forbore. The heat of the water still increased, and the hand could
no longer be endured within it. Peters spoke little, and I knew
not what to think of his apathy. Nu-Nu breathed, and no more.
March 9. The whole ashy material fell now continually
around us, and in vast quantities. The range of vapor to the
southward had arisen prodigiously in the horizon, and began to
assume more distinctness of form. I can liken it to nothing but
a limitless cataract, rolling silently into the sea from some immense and far-distant rampart in the heaven. The gigantic curtain ranged along the whole extent of the southern horizon. It
emitted no sound.
March 21. A sullen darkness now hovered above us-but
from out the milky depths of the ocean a luminous glare arose,
and stole up along the bulwarks of the boat. We were nearly
overwhelmed by the white ashy shower which settled upon us
and upon the canoe, but melted into the water as it fell. The
summit of the cataract was utterly lost in the dimness and the
distance. Yet we were evidently approaching it with a hideous
velocity. At intervals there were visible in it wide, yawning,
but momentary rents, and from out these rents, within which was
a chaos of flitting and indistinct images, there came rushing and
mighty, but soundless winds, tearing up the enkindled ocean in
their course.
iMarch 22. The darkness had materially increased, relieved
only by the glare of the water thrown back from the white curtain before us. Many gigantic and pallidly white birds flew continuously now from beyond the veil, and their scream was the
eternal Tekeli-li! as they retreated from our vision. Hereupon
Nu-Nu stirred in the bottom of the boat; but, upon touching
him, we found his spirit departed. And now we rushed into the
embraces of the cataract, where a chasm threw itself open to receive us. But there arose in our pathway a shrouded human
figure, very far larger in its proportions than any dweller among
men. And the hue of the skin of the figure was of the perfect
whiteness of the snow.





NOTE.
THE circumstances connected with the late sudden and distressing Jeath
of Mr. Pym, are already well known to the public through the medium of
the daily press. It is feared that the few remaining chapters which were
to have completed his narrative, and which were retained by him, while
the above were in type, for the purpose of revision, have been irrecoverably
lost through the accident by which he perished himself. This, however,
may prove not to be the case, and the papers, if ultimately found, will be
given to the public.
No means have been left untried to remedy the deficiency. The gentleman whose name is mentioned in the preface, and who, from the statement
there made, might be supposed able to fill the vacuum, has declined the
task-this, for satisfactory reasons connected with the general inaccuracy
of the details afforded him, and his disbelief in the entire truth of the latter
portions of the narration. Peters, from whom some information might be
expected, is still alive, and a resident of Illinois, but cannot be met with at
present. He may hereafter be found, and will, no doubt, afford material
for a conclusion of Mr. Pym's account.
The loss of two or three final chapters (for there were but two or three,)
is the more deeply to be regretted, as, it cannot be doubted, they contained
matter relative to the Pole itself, or at least to regions in its very near proximity; and as, too, the statements of the author in relation to these regions
may shortly be verified or contradicted by means of the governmental expe.
dition now preparing for the Southern Ocean.
On one point in the Narrative some remarks may well be offered; and it
would afford the writer of this appendix much pleasure if what he may
here observe should have a tendency to throw credit, in any degree, upon





NOTE.


187


the very singular pages now published. We allude to the chasms found
in the island of Tsalal, and to the whole of the figures upon pages 171, 172,
173, 174.
Mr. Pym has given the figures of the chasms without comment, and
speaks decidedly of the indentures found at the extremity of the most easterly of these chasms as having but a fanciful resemblance to alphabetical
characters, and, in short, as being positively not such. This assertion is
made in a manner so simple, and sustained by a species of demonstration
so conclusive viz., (the fitting of the projections of the fragments found
among the dust into the indentures upon the wall,) that we are forced to
believe the writer in earnest; and no reasonable reader should suppose
otherwise. But as the facts in relation to all the figures are most singular
(especially when taken in connection with statements made in the body
of the narrative,) it may be as well to say a word or two concerning them
all-this, too, the more especially as the facts in question have, beyond
doubt, escaped the attention of Mr. Poe.
Figure 1, then, figure 2, figure 3, and figure 5, when conjoined with one
another in the precise order which the chasms themselves presented, and
when deprived of the small lateral branches or arches (which, it will
be remembered, served only as a means of communication between the
main chambers, and were of totally distinct character,) constitute an Ethiopian verbal root-the root 11A A^    " To be shady"-whence all the
inflections of shadow or darkness.
In regard to the" left or most northwardly" of the indentures in figure 4,
it is more than probable that the opinion of Peters was correct, and that
the hieroglyphical appearance was really the work of art, and intended as
the representation of a human form. Th.e delineation is before the reader,
and he may, or may not, perceive the resemblance suggested; but the rest
of the indentures afford strong confirmation of Peters's idea. The upper
range is evidently the Arabic verbal root  6-4L/ %  To be white,"
whence all the inflections of brilliancy and whiteness. The lower range is
not so immediately perspicuous. The characters are somewhat broken
and disjointed; nevertheless, it cannot be doubted that, in their perfect
state, they formed the full Egyptian word II& a:U' -1CI" The region
of the south." It should be observed that these interpretations confirm the
opinion of Peters in regard to the " most northwardly" of the figures The
arm is outstretched towards the south.
Conclusions such as these open a wide field for speculation and exciting
conjecture. They should be regarded, perhaps, in connection with some
of the most faintly-detailed incidents of the narrative; although in no visible manner is this chain of connection complete. Tekeli-li! was the cry
of the affrighted natives of Tsalal upon discovering the carcass of the while
animal picked up at sea. This also was the shuddering exclamation of the





188                           NOTE.
captive Tsalalian upon encountering the white materials in possession of
Mr. Pym. This also was the shriek of the swift-flying, white, and gigantic
birds which issued from the vapory white curtain of the South. Nothing
white was to be found at Tsalal, and nothing otherwise in the subsequent
voyage to the region beyond. It is not impossible that "1Tsalal,"the appellation of the island of the chasms, may be found, upon minute philological scrutiny, to betray either some alliance with the chasms themselves,
oT some reference to the Ethiopian characters so mysteriously written in
their windings.
"I have graven it within the hills, and my vengeance upon the dust within
the roek."





MISCELLANIES.










THE SYSTEM


OF
DOCTOR TARR AND PROFESSOR FETHER
DURING the autumn of 18-, while on a tour through the
extreme Southern provinces of France, my route led me within
a few miles of a certain Maison de Sante, or private Mad House,
about which I had heard much, in Paris, from my medical
friends. As I had never visited a place of the kind, I thought
the opportunity too good to be lost; and so proposed to my travelling companion, (a gentleman with whom I had made casual
acquaintance a few days before,) that we should turn aside, for
an hour or so, and look through the establishment. To this he
objected-pleading haste, in the first place, and, in the second, a
very usual horror at the sight of a lunatic. He begged me, however, not to let any mere courtesy towards himself interfere with
the gratification of my curiosity, and said that he would ride on
leisurely, so that I might overtake him during the day, or, at all
events, during the next. As he bade me good-by, I bethought
me that there might be some difficulty in obtaining access to the
premises, and mentioned my fears on this point. He replied
that, in fact, unless I had personal knowledge of the superintendent, Monsieur MIaillard, -or some credential in the way of a letter,
a difficulty might be found to exist, as the regulations of these
private mad-houses were more rigid than the public hospital laws.
For himself, he added, he had, some years since, made the acquaintance of Maillard, and would so far assist me as to ride up





192  THE SYSTEM OF DR. TARR AND PROF. FETHER.
to the door and introduce me; although his feelings on the subject of lunacy would not permit of his entering the house.
I thanked him, and, turning from the main-road, we entered a
grass-grown by-path, which, in half an hour, nearly lost itself in
a dense forest, clothing the base of a mountain. Through this
dank and gloomy wood we rode some two miles, when the Maison
de Sante came in view. It was a fantastic chateau, much dilapidated, and indeed scarcely tenantable through age and neglect.
Its aspect inspired me with absolute dread, and, checking my
horse, I half resolved to turn back. I soon, however, grew
ashamed of my weakness, and proceeded.
As we rode up to the gate-way, I perceived it slightly open,
and the visage of a man peering through. In an instant afterward, this man came forth, accosted my companion by name,
shook him cordially by the hand, and begged him to alight. It
was Monsieur Maillard himself. He was a portly, fine-looking
gentleman of the old school, with a polished manner, and a certain air of gravity, dignity, and authority which was very impressive.
My friend, having presented me, mentioned my desire to inspect the establishment, and received Monsieur Maillard's assurance that he would show me all attention, now took leave, and I
saw him no more.
When he had gone, the superintendent ushered me into a
small and exceedingly neat parlor, containing among other indications of refined taste, many books, drawings, pots of flowers,
and musical instruments. A cheerful fire blazed upon the hearth.
At a piano, singing an aria from Bellini, sat a young and very
beautiful woman, who, at my entrance, paused in her song, and
received me with graceful courtesy. Her voice was low, and her
whole manner subdued. I thought, too, that I perceived the
traces of sorrow in her countenance, which was excessively, although-to my taste, not unpleasingly pale. She was attired in
deep mourning, and excited in my bosom a feeling of mingled
respect, interest, and admiration.
I had heard, at Paris, that the institution of Monsieur Maillard
was managed upon what is vulgarly termed the "system of
soothing"-that all punishments were avoided-that even con




THE SYSTEM OF DR. TARR AND PROF. FETHER.         W'
finement was seldom resorted to-that the patients, while sec:etly
watched, were left much apparent liberty, and that most of them
were permitted to roam about the house and grounds, in the ordinary apparel of persons in right mind.
Keeping these impressions in view, I was cautious in what I
said before the young lady; for I could not be sure that she was
sane; and, in fact, there was a certain restless brilliancy about
her eyes which half led me to imagine she was not. I confined
my remarks, therefore, to general topics, and to such as I thought
would not be displeasing or exciting even to a lunatic. She replied in a perfectly rational manner to all that I said; and even
her original observations were marked with the soundest good
sense; but a long acquaintance with the metaphysics of mania,
had taught me to put no faith in such evidence of sanity, and I
continued to practice, throughout the interview, the caution with
which I commenced it.
Presently a smart footman in livery brought in a tray with
fruit, wine, and other refreshments, of which I partook, the lady
soon afterwards leaving the room. As she departed I turned my
eyes in an inquiring manner towards my host.
" No," he said, " oh, no-a member of my family--my niece,
and a most accomplished woman."
"I beg a thousand pardons for the suspicion," I replied, " but
of course you will know how to excuse me. The excellent administration of your affairs here is well understood in Paris, and
I thought it just possible, you know-"
"Yes, yes-say no more-or rather it is myself who should
thank you for the commendable prudence you have displayed.
We seldom find so much of forethought in young men; and, more
than once, some unhappy contre-temps has occurred in consequence of thoughtlessness on the part of our visitors. While my
former system was in operation, and my patients were permitted
the privilege of roaming to and fro at will, they were often
aroused to a dangerous frenzy by injudicious persons who called
to inspect the house. Hence I was obliged to enforce a rigid
system of exclusion; and none obtained access to the premises
upon whose discretion I could not rely."
" While your former system was in operation 1" I said, repeatVOL. IV.-13





194  THE SYSTEM OF DR. TARR AND PROF. FETHER.
ing his words-" do I understand you, then, to say that the
'soothing system' of which I have heard so much, is no longer in
force?"
"It is now," he replied, " several weeks since we have concluded to renounce it forever."
"Indeed! you astonish me!"
" We found it, sir," he said, with a sigh, "absolutely necessary to return to the old usages. The danger of the soothing system was, at all times, appalling; and its advantages have been
much over-rated. I believe, sir, that in this house it has been
given a fair trial, if ever in any. We did every thing that rational humanity could suggest. I am sorry that you could not
have paid us a visit at an earlier period, that you might have
judged for yourself. But I presume you are conversant with
the soothing practice-with its details."
"Not altogether. What I have heard has been at third or
fourth hand."
"I may state the system then, in general terms, as one in
which the patients were menages, humored. We contradicted no
fancies which entered the brains of the mad. On the contrary,
we not only indulged but encouraged them; and many of our
most permanent cures have been thus effected. There is no ar
gument which so touches the feeble reason of the madman as the
reductio ad absurdum. We have had men, for example, who
fancied themselves chickens. The cure was, to insist upon the
thing as a fact-to accuse the patient of stupidity in not sufficiently perceiving it to be a fact-and thus to refuse him any
other diet for a week than that which properly appertains to a
chicken. In this manner a little corn and gravel were made to
perform wonders."
"But was this species of acquiescence all?"
" By no means. We put much faith in amusements of a simple kind, such as music, dancing, gymnastic exercises generally,
cards, certain classes of books, and so forth. We affected to treat
each individual as if for some ordinary physical disorder; and
the word ' lunacy' was never employed. A great point was to
set each lunatic to guard the actions of all the others. To repose
confidence in the understanding or discretion of a madman, is to





THE SYSTEM OF DR. TARR AND PROF. FETHEL.        195
gain him body and soul. In this way we were enabled to dispense with an expensive body of keepers."
"And you had no punishments of any kind?"
i None."
" And you never confined your patients?"
"Very rarely. Now and then, the malady of some individual
growing to a crisis, or taking a sudden turn of fury, we conveyed
him to a secret cell, lest his disorder should infect the rest, and
there kept him until we could dismiss him to his friends-for
with the raging maniac we have nothing to do. He is usaally removed to the public hospitals."
" And you have now changed all this-and you think for the
better?"
"Decidedly. The system had its disadvantages, and even its
dangers. It is now, happily, exploded throughout all the ifaisons de Sante of France."
" I am very much surprised," I said, " at what you t-l1 me; for
I made sure that, at this moment, no other method of treatment
for mania existed in any portion of the country."
"You are young yet, my friend," replied my host, " but the
time will arrive when you will learn to judge for yourself of what
is going on in the world, without trusting to the gossip of others.
Believe nothing you hear, and only one half that you see. Now,
about our dfaisons de Sante, it is clear that some ignoramus has
misled you. After dinner, however, when you have sufficiently
recovered from the fatigue of your ride, I will be happy to take
you over the house, and introduce to you a system which, in my
opinion, and in that of every one who has witnessed its operation, is incomparably the most effectual as yet devised."
"' Your own?" I inquired-" one of your own invention?"
"I am proud," he replied, "to acknowledge that it is-at
least in some measure."
In this manner I conversed with Monsieur Maillard for an
hour or two, during which he showed me the gardens and con
servatories of the place.
" I cannot let you see my patients," he said, "just at present.
To a sensitive mind there is always more or less of the shocking
in such exhibitions; and I do not wish to spoil your appetite for





96  THE SYSTEM OF DR. TARR AND PR F, FE 1ER.
dinner. We will dine. I can give you some veal t la Meene
hoult, with cauliflowers in veloute sauce-after that a glass of
Clos de Vougedt-then your nerves will be sufficiently steadied."
At six, dinner was announced; and my host conducted me
into a large salle t manger, where a very numerous company
were assembled-twenty-five or thirty in all. They were, apparently, people of rank-certainly of high breeding-although
their habiliments, I thought, were extravagantly rich, partaking
somewhat too much of the ostentatious finery of the vielle cour.
I noticed that at least two-thirds of these guests were ladies; and
some of the latter were by no means accoutred in what a Parisian
would consider good taste at the present day. Many females,
for example, whose age could not have been less than seventy,
were bedecked with a profusion of jewelry, such as rings, bracelets, and ear-rings, and wore their bosoms and arms shamefully
bare. I observed, too, that very few of the dresses were well
made-or, at least, that very few of them fitted the wearers. In
looking about, I discovered the interesting girl to whom Monsieur
Maillard had presented me in the little parlor; but my surprise
was great to see her wearing a hoop and farthingale, with highheeled shoes, and a dirty cap of Brussels lace, so much too large
for her that it gave her face a ridiculously diminutive expression.
When I had first seen her, she was attired, most becomingly, in
deep mourning. There was an air of oddity, in short, about the
dress of the whole party, which, at first, caused me to recur to
my original idea of the " soothing system," and to fancy that
Monsieur Maillard had been willing to deceive me until after
dinner, that I might experience no uncomfortable feelings during
the repast, at finding myself dining with lunatics; but I remembered having been informed, in Paris, that the southern provincialists were a peculiarly eccentric people, with a vast number of
antiquated notions; and then, too, upon conversing with several
members of the company, my apprehensions were immediately
and fully dispelled.
The dining-room, itself, although perhaps sufficiently comfortable, and of good dimensions, had nothing too much of elegance
about it. For example, the floor was uncarpeted; in France
however, a carpet is frequently dispensed with. The windows,





THE SYSTEM OF DR. TARR AND PROF. FETHER.         197
too, were without curtains; the shutters, being shut, were securely fastened with iron bars, applied diagonally, after the fashion
of our ordinary shop-shutters. The apartment, I observed,
formed, in itself, a wing of the chateau, and thus the windows
were on three sides of the parallelogram; the door being at the
other. There were no less than ten windows in all.
The table was superbly set out. It was loaded with plate, and more
than loaded with delicacies. The profusion was absolutely barbaric.
There were meats enough to have feasted the Anakim. Never,
in all my life, had I witnessed so lavish, so wasteful an expenditure of the good things of life. There seemed very little taste,
however, in the arrangements; and my eyes, accustomed to quiet
lights, were sadly offended by the prodigious glare of a multitude
of wax candles, which, in silver candelabra, were deposited upon
the table, and all about the room, wherever it was possible to find
a place. There were several active servants in attendance; and,
upon a large table, at the farther end of the apartment, were
seated seven or eight people with fiddles, fifes, trombones, and a
drum. These fellows annoyed me very much, at intervals,
during the repast, by an infinite variety of noises, which were
intended for music, and which appeared to afford much entertainment to all present, with the exception of myself.
Upon the whole, I could not help thinking that there was much
of the bizarre about every thing I saw-but then the world is
made up of all kinds of persons, with all modes of thought, and
all sorts of conventional customs. I had travelled, too, so much
as to be quite an adept in the nil admirari; so I took my seat
very coolly at the right hand of my host, and, having an excelent appetite, did justice to the good cheer set before me.
The conversation, in the mean time, was spirited and general.
The ladies, as usual, talked a great deal. I soon found that
nearly all the company were well educated; and my host was a
world of good-humored anecdote in himself. He seemed quite
willing to speak of his position as superintendent of a Maison de
Sante; and, indeed, the topic of lunacy was, much to my surprise, a favorite one with all present. A great many amusing
stories were told, having reference to the whims of the patients.
" We had a fellow here once," said a fat little gentleman, who





198  THE SYSTEM OF DR. TAIMR AND PROF. FETHER.
sat at my right-" a fellow that fancied himself a tea-pot; and,
by the way, is it not especially singular how often this particular
crotchet has entered the brain of the lunatic? There is scarcely
an irsane asylum in France which cannot supply a human teapot. Our gentleman was a Britannia-ware tea-pot, and was
careful to polish himself every morning with buckskin and whiting."
" And then," said a tall man, just opposite, " we had here, not
long ago, a person who had taken it into his head that he was a
donkey-which, allegorically speaking, you will say, was quite
true. He was a troublesome patient; and we had much ado to
keep him within bounds. For a long time he would eat nothing
but thistles; but of this idea we soon cured him by insisting upon
his eating nothing else. Then he was perpetually kicking out
hii heels-so-so--"
" Mr. De Kock! I will thank you to behave yourself!" here
interrupted an old lady, who sat next to the speaker. "Please
keep your feet to yourself! You have spoiled my brocade! Is
it necessary, pray, to illustrate a remark in so practical a style?
Our friend, here, can surely comprehend you without all this.
Upon my word, you are nearly as great a donkey as the poor
unfortunate imagined himself. Your acting is very natural, as I
live."
" Mille pardons! Mam'selle!" replied Monsieur De Kock,
thus addressed-" a thousand pardons! I had no intention of
offending.  Ma'mselle Laplace-Monsieur De Kock will do
himself the honor of taking wine with you."
Here Monsieur De Kock bowed low, kissed his hand with much
ceremony, and took wine with Ma'mselle Laplace.
" Allow me, mon ami," now said Monsieur Maillard, addressing myself, " allow me to send you a morsel of this veal a la St.
M/enehoult-you will find it particularly fine."
At this instant three sturdy waiters had just succeeded in depositing safely upon the table an enormous dish, or trencher,
containing what I supposed to be the " monstrum, lhorrendum,
informe, ingens, cui lumen ademptum." A closer scrutiny assured
me, however, that it was only a small calf roasted whole, and set





THE SYSTEM OF DR. TARR AND PROF. FETHER.        199
upon its knees, with an apple in its mouth, as is the English
fashion of dressing a hare.
"Thank you, no," I replied; "to say the truth, I am not particularly partial to veal a la St.-what is it?-for I do not find
that it altogether agrees with me. I will change my plate, however, and try some of the rabbit."
There were several side-dishes on the table, containing what
appeared to be the ordinary French rabbit-a vry delicious
morceau, which I can recommend.
" Pierre," cried the host, " change this gentleman's plate, and
give him a side-piece of this rabbit au-chat."
" This what?" said I.
" This rabbit au-chct."
" Why, thank you-upon second thoughts, no. I will just
help myself to some of the ham."
There is no knowing what one eats, thought I to myself, at the
tables of these people of the province. I will have none of their
rabbit au-chct-and, for the matter of that, none of their cat-aurabbit either.
"And then," said a cadaverous-looking personage, near the
foot of the table, taking up the thread of the conversation where
it had been broken off-" and then, among other oddities, we had
a patient, once upon a time, who very pertinaciously maintained
himself to be a Cordova cheese, and went about, with a knife in
his hand, soliciting his friends to try a small slice from the middle
of his leg."
" He was a great fool, beyond doubt,' interposed some one,
" but not to be compared with a certain individual whom we all
know, with the exception of this strange gentleman. I mean the
man who took himself for a bottle of champagne, and always
went off with a pop and a fizz, in this fashion."
Here the speaker, very rudely, as I thought, put his riglht
thumb in his left cheek, withdrew it with a sound resembling the
popping of a cork, and then, by a dexterous movement of the
tongue upon the teeth, created a sharp hissing and fizzing, which
lasted for several minutes, in imitation of the frothing of champagne. This behavior, I saw plainly, was not very pleasing to
Monsieur Maillard; but that gentleman said nothing, and the
conversation was resumed by a very lean little man in a big wig.





200  THE SYSTEM OF DR. TARR AND PROF. FETHER.
" And then there was an ignoramus," said he, "who mistook
himself for a frog; which, by the way, he resembled in io little
degree. I wish you could have seen him, sir,"-here the speaker
addressed myself-" it would have done your heart good to
see the natural airs that he put on. Sir, if that man was not a
frog, I can only observe that it is a pity he was not. His croak
thus-o-o-o-o-gh-o-o-o-o-gh! was the finest note in the worldB flat; and when he put his elbows upon the table thus-after
taking a glass or two of wine-and distended his mouth, thus, and
rolled up his eyes, thus, and winked them with excessive rapidity,
thus, why then, sir, I take it upon myself to say, positively, that
you would have been lost in admiration of the genius of the man."
" I have no doubt of it," I said.
" And then," said somebody else, " then there was Petit Gaillard, who thought himself a pinch of snuff, and was truly distressed
because he could not take himself between his own finger and
thumb."
" And then there was Jules Desouli6res, who was a very singular genius, indeed, and went mad with the idea that he was a
pumpkin. He persecuted the cook to make him up into piesa thing which the cook indignantly refused to do. For my part,
I am by no means sure that a pumpkin pie a la Desouldries,
would not have been very capital eating, indeed!"
" You astonish me!" said I; and I looked inquisitively at
Monsieur Maillard.
" Ha! ha! ha!" said that gentleman--"he! he! he!-hi! hi!
hi!-ho! ho! ho!-hu! hu! hu!-very good indeed! You
must not be astonished, mon ami; our friend here is a wit-a
drdle-you must not understand him to the letter."
"And then," said some other one of the party, " then there
was Bouffon Le Grand-another extraordinary personage in his
way. He grew deranged through love, and fancied himself possessed of two heads. One of these he maintained to be the head
of Cicero; the other he imagined a composite one, being Demosthenes' from the top of the forehead to the mouth, and Lord
Brougham from the mouth to the chin. It is not impossible that
be was wrong; but he would have convinced you of his being in





THE SYSTEM OF DR. TARR AND PROF. FETHER.       201
the right; for he was a man of great eloquence. He had an
absolute passion for oratory, and could not refrain from display.
For example, he used to leap upon the dinner-table thus, andand-"
Here a friend, at the side of the speaker, put a hand upon his
shoulder, and whispered a few words in his ear; upon which he
ceased talking with great suddenness, and sank back within his
chair.
"And then," said the friend, who had whispered, " there was
Boullard, the tee-totum. I call him the tee-totum, because, in
fact, he was seized with the droll, but not altogether irrational
crotchet, that he had been converted into a tee-totum. You
would have roared with laughter to see him spin. He would
turn round upon one heel by the hour, in this manner-so-"
Here the friend whom he had just interrupted by a whisper, performed an exactly similar office for himself.
" But then," cried an old lady, at the top of her voice, " your
Monsieur Boullard was a madman, and a very silly madman at
best; for who, allow me to ask you, ever heard of a human teetotum? The thing is absurd. Madame Joyeuse was a more
sensible person, as you know. She had a crotchet, but it was instinct with common sense, and gave pleasure to all who had the
honor of her acquaintance. She found, upon mature deliberation, that, by some accident, she had been turned into a chickencock; but, as such, she behaved with propriety. She flapped
her wings with prodigious effect-so-so-so-and, as for her
crow, it was delicious! Cock-a-doodle-doo!--cock-a-doodle-doocock-a-doodle-de-doo-doo-dooo-do-o-o-o-o-o-o-!"
" Madame Joyeuse, I will thank you to behave yourself!" here
interrupted our host, very angrily. "You can either conduct
yourself as a lady should do, or you can quit the table forthwithtake your choice."
The lady, (whom I was much astonished to hear addressed as
Madame Joyeuse, after the description of Madame Joyeuse she
had just given,) blushed up to the eye-brows, and seemed exceedingly abashed at the reproof. She hung down her head, and
said not a syllable in reply. But another and younger lady resumed the theme. It was my beautiful girl of the little parlor!





202  THE SYSTEM OF DR. TARR AND PROF. FETHER.
" Oh, Madame Joyeuse was a fool!" she exclaimed; " but there
was really much sound sense, after all, in the opinion of Eugdnie
Salsafette. She was a very beautiful and painfully modest young
lady, who thought the ordinary mode of habiliment indecent, and
wished to dress herself, always, by getting outside, instead of inside of her clothes. It is a thing very easily done, after all. You
have only to do so-and then so-so-so-and then so-soso-and then-"
" Mon dieu! Mam'selle Salsafette!" here cried a dozen voices
at once. " What are you about?-forbear!-that is sufficient!we see, very plainly, how it is done!-hold! hold!" and several
persons were already leaping from their seats to withold Mam'selle Salsafette from putting herself upon a par with the Medicean
Venus, when the point was very effectually and suddenly accomplished by a series of loud screams, or yells, from some portion
of the main body of the chateau.
My nerves were very much affected, indeed, by these yells;
but the rest of the company I really pitied. I never saw any
set of reasonable people so thoroughly frightened in my life.
They all grew as pale as so many corpses, and, shrinking within
their seats, sat quivering and gibbering with terror, and listening
for a repetition of the sound. It came again-louder and seemingly nearer-and then a third time very loud, and then a fourth
time with a vigor evidently diminished. At this apparent dying
away of the noise, the spirits of the company were immediately
regained, and all was life and anecdote as before. I now ventured to inquire the cause of the disturbance.
"A mere bagatelle," said Monsieur Maillard. " We are used
to these things, and care really very little about them. The lunatics, every now and then, get up a howl in concert; one starting another, as is sometimes the case with a bevy of dogs at night.
It occasionally happens, however, that the concerto yells are succeeded by a simultaneous effort at breaking loose; when, of course,
some little danger is to be apprehended."
"' And how many have you in charge?"
' At present, we have not more than ten, altogether."
SPrin ipally females, I presume?"





THE SYSTEM OF DR. TARR AND PROF. FETHER.         203
"Oh, no-every one of them men, and stout fellows, too, I can
tell you."
" Indeed! I have always understood that the majority of
lunatics were of the gentler sex."
"It is generally so, but not always. Some time ago, there
were about twenty-seven patients here; and, of that number, no
less than eighteen were women; but, lately, matters have changed
very much, as you see."
"Yes-have changed very much, as you see," here interrupted
the gentleman who had broken the shins of Ma'mselle Laplace.
"Yes-have changed very much as you see 1" chimed in the
whole company at once.
" Hold your tongues, every one of you!" said my host, in a
great rage. Whereupon the whole company maintained a dead
silence for nearly a minute. As for one lady, she obeyed Mon
sieur Maillard to the letter, and thrusting out her tongue, which
was an excessively long one, held it very resignedly, with both
hands, until the end of the entertainment.
" And this gentlewoman," said I, to Monsieur Maillard, bending
over and addressing him in a whisper-" this good lady who has
just spoken, and who gives us the cock-a-doodle-de-doo-she, I
presume, is harmless-quite harmless, eh?"
" Harmless!" ejaculated he, in unfeigned surprise, "whywhy what can you mean?"
" Only slightly touched?" said I, touching my head. "I take
it for granted that she is not particularly-not dangerously affected, eh?"
" Jon Dieu! what is it you imagine? This lady, my particular old friend, Madame Joyeuse, is as absolutely sane as myself. She has her little eccentricities, to be sure-but then, you
know, all old women-all very old women are more or less
eccentric!"
" To be sure," said I-" to be sure-and then the rest of these
ladies and gentlemen-"
" Are my friends and keepers," interrupted Monsieur Maillard, drawing himself up with hauteur-" my very good friends
and assistants."
' What I all of them?" I asked-" the women and all?"





204  THE SYSTEM OF DR. TARR AND PROF. FETHER.
" Assuredly," he said-" we could not do at all without the
women; they are the best lunatic nurses in the world; they have
a way of their own, you know; their bright eyes have a marvellous effect;-something like the fascination of the snake, you
know."
" To be sure," said I-" to be sure! They behave a little
odd, eh?-they are a little queer, eh?-don't you think so?"
" Odd!-queer!-why, do you really think so? We are not
very prudish, to be sure, here in the South-do pretty much as
we please-enjoy life, and all that sort of thing, you know-"
" To be sure," said I-" to be sure."
"And then, perhaps, this Clos de VougeoI is a little heady, you
know-a little strong-you understand, eh?"
" To be sure," said I-" to be sure. By-the-by, monsieur,
did I understand you to say that the system you have adopted, in
place of the celebrated soothing system, was one of very rigorous
severity?"
" By no means. Our confinement is necessarily close; but
the treatment-the medical treatment, I mean-is rather agreeable to the patients than otherwise."
"And the new system is one of your own invention?"
" Not altogether. Some portions of it are referable to Professor Tarr, of whom you have, necessarily, heard; and, again,
there are modifications in my plan which I am happy to acknowledge as belonging of right to the celebrated Fether, with whom,
if I mistake not, you have the honor of an intimate acquaintance."
" I am quite ashamed to confess," I replied, " that I have
never even heard the name of either gentleman before."
" Good Heavens!" ejaculated my host, drawing back his chair
abruptly, and uplifting his hands. "I surely do not hear you
aright! You did not intend to say, eh? that you had never
heard either of the learned Doctor Tarr, or of the celebrated
Professor Fether?"
" I am forced to acknowledge my ignorance," I replied; "but
the truth should be held inviolate above all things. Nevertheless, I feel humbled to the dust, not to be acquainted with the works
of these, no doubt, extraordinary men. I will seek out their writings forthwith, and peruse them with deliberate care. Monsieur





THE SYSTEM OF DR. TARR AND PROF. FETHER.         205
Maillard, you have really-I must confess it-you have reallymade me ashamed of myself!"
And this was the fact.
SSay no more, my good young friend," he said kindly, pressing my hand-"join me now in a glass of Sauterne."
We drank. The company followed" our example, without
stint. They chatted-they jested-they laughed-they perpetrated a thousand absurdities-the fiddles shrieked-the drum
row-de-dowed-the trombones bellowed like so many brazen
bulls of Phalaris-and the whole scene, growing gradually worse
and worse, as the wines gained the ascendancy, became at length
a sort of Pandemonium in petto. In the meantime, Monsieur
Maillard and myself, with some bottles of Sauterne and Vougebt
between us, continued our conversation at the top of the voice.
A word spoken in an ordinary ke3 stood no more chance of being heard than the voice of a fish from the bottom of Niagara
Falls.
"And, sir," said I, screaming in his ear, " you mentioned
something before dinner, about the danger incurred in the old
system of soothing. How is that?"
"Yes," he replied, " there was, occasionally, very great danger, indeed. There is no accounting for the caprices of madmen; and, in my opinion, as well as in that of Doctor Tarr and
Professor Fether, it is never safe to permit them to run at large
unattended. A lunatic may be 'soothed,' as it is called, for a
time, but, in the end, he is very apt to become obstreperous.
His cunning, too, is proverbial, and great. If he has a project in
view, he conceals his design with a marvellous wisdom; and the
dexterity with which he counterfeits sanity, presents, to the metaphysician, one of the most singular problems in the study of
mind. When a madman appears thoroughly sane, indeed, it is
high time to put him in a straight jacket."
" But the danger, my dear sir, of which you were speakingin your own experience-during your control of this househave you had practical reason to think liberty hazardous, in the
case of a lunatic?"
" Here?-in my own experience?-why, I may say, yes. For





206  THE SYSTEM OF DR. TARR AND PROF. FETHER.
example:-no very long while ago, a singular circumstance occurred in this very house. The ' soothing system,' you know,
was then in operation, and the patients were at large. They
behaved remarkably well-especially so-any one of sense might
have known that some devilish scheme was brewing from that
particular fact, that the fellows behaved so remarkably well. And,
sure enough, one fine morning the keepers found themselves
pinioned hand and foot, and thrown into the cells, where they
were attended, as if they were the lunatics, by the lunatics themselves, who had usurped the offices of the keepers."
" You don't tell me so! I never heard of anything so absurd
in my life!"
"Fact-it all came to pass by means of a stupid fellow-a
lunatic-who, by some means, had taken it into his head that he
had invented a better system of government than any ever heard
of before-of lunatic government, I mean. He wished to give
his invention a trial, I suppose-and so he persuaded the rest of
the patients to join him in a conspiracy for the overthrow of the
reigning powers."
" And he really succeeded?"
"No doubt of it. The keepers and kept were soon made to
exchange places. Not that exactly either-for the madmen had
been free, but the keepers were shut up in cells forthwith, and
treated, I am sorry to say, in a very cavalier manner."
" But I presume a counter revolution was soon effected. This
condition of things could not have long existed. The country
people in the neighborhood-visitors coming to see the establishment-would have given the alarm."
" There you are out. The head rebel was too cunning for
that. He admitted no visitors at all-with the exception, one
day, of a very stupid-looking young gentleman of whom he had
no reason to be afraid. He let him in to see the place-just by
way of variety-to have a little fun with him. As soon as he
had gammoned him sufficiently, he let him out, and sent him
about his business."
" And how long, then, did the madmen reign?"
" Oh, a very long time, indeed-a month certainly-how much
longer I can't precisely say. In the mean time, the lunatics had





THE SYSTEM OF DR. TARR AND PROF. FETHER.         207
a jolly season of it--that you may swear. They doffed their own
shabby clothes, and made free with the family wardrobe and
jewels. The cellars of the chateau were well stocked with wine;
and these madmen are just the devils that know how to drink it.
They lived well, I can tell you."
" And the treatment-what was the particular species of treatment which the leader of the rebels put into operation?"
" Why, as for that, a madman is not necessarily a fool, as I
have already observed; and it is my honest opinion that his
treatment was a much better treatment than that which it superseded. It was a very capital system indeed-simple-neat-no
trouble at all-in fact it was delicious-it was-"
Here my host's observations were cut short by another series
of yells, of the same character as those which had previously disconcerted us. This time, however, they seemed to proceed from
persons rapidly approaching.
" Gracious Heavens!" I ejaculated-" the lunatics have most
undoubtedly broken loose."
" I very much fear it is so," replied Monsieur Maillard, now
becoming excessively pale. He had scarcely finished the sentence, before loud shouts and imprecations were heard beneath
the windows; and, immediately afterward, it became evident that
some persons outside were endeavoring to gain entrance into the
room. The door was beaten with what appeared to be a sledgehammer, and the shutters were wrenched and shaken with prodigious violence.
A scene of the most terrible confusion ensued. Monsieur
Maillard, to my excessive astonishment, threw himself under the
sideboard. I had expected more resolution at his hands. The
members of the orchestra, who, for the last fifteen minutes, had
been seemingly too much intoxicated to do duty, now sprang all at
once to their feet and to their instruments, and, scrambling upon
their table, broke out, with one accord, into " Yankee Doodle,"
which they performed, if not exactly in tune, at least with an energy superhuman, during the whole of the uproar.
Meantime, upon the main dining-table, among the bottles
and glasses, leaped the gentleman, who, with such difficulty, had
been restrained from leaping there before. As soon as he fairly





208  THE SYSTEM OF DR. TARR AND PROF. FETHER.
settled himself, he commenced an oration, which, no doubt, was a
very capital one, if it could only have been heard. At the same
moment, the man with the tee-totum predilections, set himself to
spinning around the apartment, with immense energy, and with
arms outstretched at right angles with his body; so that he had all
the air of a tee-totum in fact, and knocked every body down that
happened to get in his way. And now, too, hearing an incredible popping and fizzing of champagne, I discovered at length, that
it proceeded. from the person who performed the bottle of that
delicate drink during dinner. And then, again, the friog-man
croaked away as if the salvation of his soul depended upon every
note that he uttered. And, in the midst of all this, the continuous braying of a donkey arose over all. As for my old friend,
Madame Joyeuse, I really could have wept for the poor lady, she
appeared so terribly perplexed. All she did, however, was to
stand up in a corner, by the fire-place, and sing out incessantly,
at the top of her voice, " Cock-a-doodle-de-doooooh!"
And now came the climax-the catastrophe of the drama. As
no resistance, beyond whooping and yelling and cock-a-doodleing, was offered to the encroachments of the party without, the
ten windows were very speedily, and almost simultaneously,
broken in. But I shall never forget the emotions of wonder and
horror with which I gazed, when, leaping through these windows,
and down among us pele-mele, fighting, stamping, scratching, and
howling, there rushed a perfect army of what I took to be Chimpanzees, Ourang-Outangs, or big black baboons of the Cape of
Good Hope.
I received a terrible beating-after which I rolled under a
sofa and lay still. After lying there some fifteen minutes, however, during which time I listened with all my ears to what was
going on in the room, I came to some satisfactory denouement of
this tragedy.  Monsieur Maillard, it appeared, in giving me
the account of the lunatic who had excited his fellows to rebellion, had been merely relating his own exploits. This gentleman
had, indeed, some two or three years before, been the superintendent of the establishment; but grew crazy himself, and so
became a patient. This fact was unknown to the travelling companion who introduced me. The keepers, ten in number, having





THE SYSTEM OF DR. TARR AND PROF. FETHER.         209
been suddenly overpowered, were first well tarred, then carefully
feathered, and then shut up in underground cells. They had
been so imprisoned for more than a month, during which period
Monsieur Maillard had generously allowed them not only the tar
and feathers (which constituted his " system"), but some bread
and abundance of water. The latter was pumped on them daily.
At length, one escaping through a sewer, gave freedom to all the
rest.
The " soothing system," with important modifications, has been
resumed at the chateau; yet I cannot help agreeing with Monsieur Maillard, that his own " treatment" was a very capital one
of its kind. As he justly observed, it was "simple-neat-and
gave no trouble at all-not the least."
I have only to add that, although I have searched every library
in Europe for the works of Doctor Tarr and Professor Fether, I
have, up to the present day, utterly failed in my endeavors at
procuring an edition.
VOL. IV.-14





THE LITERARY LIFE OF THINGUM BOB, ESQ.
LATE EDITOR OF THE " GOOSETHERUMFOODLE."
BY  HIMSELF.
I AM now growing in years, and-since I understand that
Shakespeare and Mr. Emmons are deceased-it is not impossible
that I may even die. It has occurred to me, therefore, that I
may as well retire from the field of Letters and repose upon my
laurels. But I am ambitious of signalizing my abdication of the
literary sceptre by some important bequest to posterity; and,
perhaps, I cannot do a better thing than just pen for it an account
of my earlier career. My name, indeed, has been so long and so
constantly before the public eye, that I am not only willing to
admit the naturalness of the interest which it has everywher excited, but ready to satisfy the extreme curiosity which it has
inspired. In fact, it is no more than the duty of him who achieves
greatness to leave behind him, in his ascent, such landmarks as
may guide others to be great. I propose, therefore, in the
present paper, (which I had some idea of calling "Memoranda
to serve for the Literary History of America,") to give a detail
of those important, yet feeble and tottering first steps, by which, at
length, I attained the high road to the pinnacle of human renown.
Of one's very remote ancestors it is superfluous to say much.
AMy father, Thomas Bob, Esq., stood for many years at the summit of his profession, which was that of a merchant-barber, in the
city of Smug... His warehouse was the resort of all the principal
people of the place, and especially of the editorial corps-a body
which inspires all about it with profound veneration and awe





THE LITERARY LIFE OF THINGUM BOB, ESQ.        211
For my own part, I regarded them as gods, and drank in with
avidity the rich wit and wisdom which continuously flowed from
their august mouths during the process of what is styled " lather."
My first moment of positive inspiration must be dated from that
ever-memorable epoch, when the brilliant conductor of the " GadFly," in the intervals of the important process just mentioned,
recited aloud, before a conclave of our apprentices, an inimitable
poem in honor of the "Only Genuine Oil-of-Bob," (so called
from its talented inventor, my father,) and for which effusion the
editor of the " Fly" was remunerated with a regal liberality, by
the firm of Thomas Bob and company, merchant-barbers.
The genius of the stanzas to the " Oil-of-Bob" first breathed
into me, I say, the divine afflatus. I resolved at once to become
a great man and to commence by becoming a great poet. That
very evening I fell upon my knees at the feet of my father.
"Father," I said, " pardon me i-but I have a soul above
lather. It is my firm intention to cut the shop. I would be an
editor-I would be a poet-I would pen stanzas to the 'Oil-ofBob.' Pardon me and aid me to be great!"
" My dear Thingum," replied my father, (I had been christened Thingum after a wealthy relative so surnamed,) " My dear
Thingum," he said, raising me from my knees by the ears" Thingum, my boy, you're a trump, and take after your father
in having a soul. You have an immense head, too, and it must
hold a great many brains. This I have long seen, and therefore
had thoughts of making you a lawyer. The business, however,
has grown ungenteel, and that of a politician don't pay. Upon
the whole you judge wisely;-the trade of editor is best:-and
if you can be a poet at the same time,-as niost of the editors are,
by the by,-why you will kill two birds with one stone. To
encourage you in the beginning of things, I will allow you a garret; pen, ink and paper; a rhyming dictionary; and a copy of
the 'Gad-Fly.'  I suppose you would scarcely demand any
more."
"I would be an ungrateful villain if I did," I replied with
enthusiasm. "Your generosity is boundless. I will repay it
by making you the father of a genius."
Thus ended my conference with the best of men, and immedi




212    THE LITERARY LIFE OF THINGUM BOB, ESQ.
ately upon its termination, I betook myself with zeal to my
poetical labors; as upon these, chiefly, I founded my hopes of
ultimate elevation to the editorial chair.
In my first attempts at composition I found the stanzas to " The
Oil-of-Bob" rather*a draw-back than otherwise. Their splendor
more dazzled than enlightened me. The contemplation of their
excellence tended, naturally, to discourage me by comparison
with my own abortions; so that for a long time I labored in vain.
At length there came into my head one of those exquisitely original ideas which now and then will permeate the brain of a man
of genius. It was this:-or, rather, thus was it carried into
execution. From the rubbish of an old book-stall, in a very
remote corner of the town, I got together several antique and
altogether unknown or forgotten volumes. The bookseller sold
them to me for a song. From one of these, which purported to
be a translation of one Dante's " Inferno," I copied with remarkable neatness a long passage about a man named Ugolino, who
had a parcel of brats. From another which contained a good
many old plays by some person whose name I forget, I extracted
in the same manner, and with the same care, a great number of
lines about "angels" and " ministers saying grace," and " goblins
damned," and more besides of that sort. From a third, which
was the composition of some blind man or other, either a Greek
or a Choctaw-I cannot be at the pains of remembering every
trifle exactly-I took about fifty verses beginning with " Achilles'
wrath," and " grease," and something else. From a fourth,
which I recollect was also the work of a blind man, I selected a
page or two all about " hail" and "holy light;" and although a
blind man has no business to write about light, still the verses
were sufficiently good in their way.
Having made fair copies of these poems I signed every one of
them " Oppodeldoc," (a fine sonorous name,) and, doing each up
nicely in a separate envelope, I despatched one to each of the
four principal Magazines, with a request for speedy insertion and
prompt pay. The result of this well conceived plan, however,
(the success of which would have saved me much trouble in after
life,) served to convince me that some editors are not to be bamboozled, and gave the coup-de-grace (as they say in France,) to





THE LITERARY LIFE OF THINGUM BOB, ESQ.                213
my nascent hopes, (as they say in the city of the transcendentals.)
The fact is, that each and every one of the Magazines in question, gave Mr. "Oppodeldoc"       a complete    using-up, in the
" Monthly Notices to Correspondents." The " Hum-Drum" gave
him a dressing after this fashion:
S' Oppodeldoc,' (whoever he is,) has sent us a long tirade concerning a
bedlamite whom he styles "' Ugolino," who had a great many children that
should have been all whipped and sent to bed without their suppers. The
whole affair is exceedingly tame-not to say flat. ' Oppodeldoc,' (whoever
he is,) is entirely devoid of imagination-and imagination, in our humble
opinion, is not only the soul of POESY, but also its very heart. ' Oppodeldoc,'
(whoever he is,) has the audacity to demand of us, for his twattle, a ' speedy
insertion and prompt pay.' We neither insert nor purchase any stuff of the
sort. There can be no doubt, however, that he would meet with a ready sale
for all the balderdash he can scribble, at the office of either the 'RowdyDow,' the ' Lollipop,' or the ' Goosetherumfoodle.' "
All this, it must be acknowledged, was very severe upon
"Oppodeldoc"-but the unkindest cut was putting the word
POESY in small caps. In those five pre-eminent letters what a
world of bitterness is there not involved!
But "Oppodeldoc" was punished with equal severity in the
" Rowdy-Dow," which spoke thus:
" We have received a most singular and insolent communication from a
person, (whoever he is,) signing himself ' Oppodeldoc'-thus desecrating the
greatness of the illustrious Roman Emperor so named. Accompanying the
letter of' Oppodeldoc,' (whoever he is,) we find sundry lines of most disgusting and unmeaning rant about ' angels and ministers of grace')-rant
such as no madman short of a Nat Lee, or an ' Oppodeldoc,' could possibly
perpetrate. And for this trash of trash, we are modestly requested to ' pay
promptly.' No sir-no! We pay for nothing of that sort. Apply to the
- Hum-Drum,' the 'Lollipop,' or the' Goosetherumfoodle.' These periodicals
will undoubtedly accept any literary offal you may send them-and as undoubtedly promise to pay for it."
This was bitter indeed upon poor "Oppodeldoc;" but, in this
instance, the weight of the satire falls upon the " Humdrum," the
" Lollipop," and the " Goosetherumfoodle," who are pungently
styled "periodicals"-in Italics, too-a thing that must have cut
them to the heart.





214     THE LITERARY LIFE OF THINGUM BOB, ESQ.
Scarcely less savage was the "Lollipop," which thus discoursed:
" Some individual, who rejoices in the appellation ' Oppodeldoc,' (to what
low uses are the names of the illustrious dead too often applied!) has
enclosed us some fifty or sixty verses commencing after this fashion:
Achilles' wrath, to Greece the direful spring
Of woes unnumbered, &c., &c., &c., &c.
" Oppodeldoc,' (whoever he is,) is respectfully informed that there is not a
printer's devil in our office who is not in the daily habit of composing better
lines. Those of 'Oppodeldoc' will not scan. 'Oppodeldoc' should learn to
count. But why he should have conceived the idea that we, (of all others,
we!) would disgrace our pages with his ineffable nonsense, is utterly beyond comprehension. Why, the absurd twattle is scarcely good enough for
the ' Hum-Drum,' the ' Rowdy-Dow,' the ' Goosetherumfoodle'-things that
are in the practice of publishing 'Mo*her Goose's Melodies' as original
lyrics. And ' Oppodeldoc' (whoever he is ) has even the assurance to demand pay for this drivel. Does ' Oppodeldoc,' (whoever he is,) know-is he
aware that we could not be paid to insert it?"
As I perused this I felt myself growing gradually smaller and
smaller, and when I came to the point at which the editor
sneered at the poem as ' verses," there was little more than an
ounce of me left.  As for " Oppodeldoc," I began to experience
compassion for the poor fellow. But the " Goosetherumfoodle"
showed, if possible, less mercy than the " Lollipop."  It was the
" Goosetherumfoodle" that said:
" A wretched poetaster, who signs himself ' Oppodeldoc,' is silly enough
to fancy that we will print and pay for a medley of incoherent and ungrammatical bombast which he has transmitted to us, and which commences
with the following most intelligible line:
'Hail, Holy Light! Offspring of Heaven, first born.'
" We say, ' most intelligible.'  Oppodeldoc,' (whoever he is,) will be kind
enough to tell us, perhaps, how ' hail' can be ' holy light' We always regarded it as frozen rain. Will he inform us, also, how frozen rain can be,
at one and the same time, both ' holy light,' (whatever that is,) and an ' offspring V-which latter term, (if we understand any thing about English,) is
only employed, with propriety, in reference to small babies of about six
weeks old. But it is preposterous to descant upon such absurdity-although
' Oppodeldoc,' (whoever he is,) has the unparalleled effrontery to suppose
that we will not only 'insert' his igncrant ravings, but (absolutely) pay for
them!
" Now this is fine-it is rich!-and we have half a mind to punish this
young scribbler for his egotism, by really publishing his effusion, verbatim





THE LITERARY LIFE OF THINGUM BOB, ESQ.           215
et literatim, as he has written it. We could inflict no punishment so severe,
and we would inflict it, but for the boredom which we should cause our readers in so doing.
" Let 'Oppodeldoc,' (whoever he is,) send any future composition of like
character to the ' Hum-Drum,' the ' Lollipop,' or the ' Rowdy-Dow.' They
will ' insert' it. They ' insert' every month just such stuff. Send it to them.
WE are not to be insulted with impunity.'
This made an end of me; and as for the " Hum-Drum," the
" Rowdy-Dow," and the " Lollipop," I never could comprehend
how they survived it. The putting them in the smallest possible
minion, (that was the rub-thereby insinuating their lownesstheir baseness,) while WE stood looking down upon them in
gigantic capitals!-oh it was too bitter!-it was wormwood-it
was gall. Had I been either of these periodicals I would have
spared no pains to have the " Goosetherumfoodle" prosecuted.
It might have been done under the Act for the " Prevention of
Cruelty to Animals."  As for " Oppodeldoc," (whoever he was,)
I had by this time lost all patience with the fellow, and sympathized with him no longer. He was a fool, beyond doubt, (whoever he was,) and got not a kick more than he deserved.
The result of my experiment with the old books, convinced
me, in the first place, that " honesty is the best policy," and, in
the second, that if I could not write better than Mr. Dante, and
the two blind men, and the rest of the old set, it would, at least,
be a difficult matter to write worse. I took heart, therefore, and
determined to prosecute the " entirely original," (as they say on
the covers of the magazines,) at whatever cost of study and
pains. I again placed before my eyes, as a model, the brilliant
stanzas on "The Oil-of-Bob" by the editor of the " Gad-Fly,"
and resolved to construct an Ode on the same sublime theme, in
rivalry of what had already been done.
With my first verse I had no material difficulty. It ran thus:
" To pen an Ode upon the " Oil-of-Bob."
Having carefully looked out, however, all the legitimate
rhymes to " Bob," I found it impossible to proceed. In this
dilemma I had recourse to paternal aid; and, after some hours
of mature thought, my father and myself thus constructed the
poem:





216    THE LITERARY LIFE OF THINGUM BOB, ESQ.
" To pen an Ode upon the " Oil-of-Bob"
Is all sorts of a job.
(Signed.)                 SNOB.
To be sure, this composition was of no very great length-but
I "have yet to learn" as they say in the Edinburgh Review, that
the mere extent of a literary work has any thing to do with its
merit. As for the Quarterly cant about "sustained effort," it is
impossible to see the sense of it. Upon the whole, therefore, I
was satisfied with the success of my maiden attempt, and now
the only question regarded the disposal I should make of it. My
father suggested that I should send it to the " Gad-Fly"-but
there were two reasons which operated to prevent me from so
doing. I dreaded the jealousy of the editor-and I had ascertained that he did not pay for original contributions. I therefore, after due deliberation, consigned the article to the more
dignified pages of the " Lollipop," and awaited the event in
anxiety, but with resignation.
In the very next published number I had the proud satisfaction of seeing my poem printed at length, as the leading article,
with the following significant words, prefixed in italics and between brackets:
[ We call the attention of our readers to the subjoined admnirable stanzas on
" The Oil of Bob." We need say nothing of their sublimity, or of their pathos:it is impossible to peruse them without tears. Those who have been nauseated
with a sad dose on the same august topic from the goose-quill of the editor of the
" Gad-ly," will do well to compare the two compositions.
P. S. We are consumed with anxiety to probe the mystery which envelops the
evident pseudonym " Snob." May we hope for a personal interview?]
All this was scarcely more than justice, but it was, I confess,
rather more than I had expected:-I acknowledged this, be it
observed, to the everlasting disgrace of my country and of mankind. I lost no time, however, in calling upon the editor of the
"Lollipop," and had the good fortune to find this gentleman at
home. He saluted me with an air of profound respect, slightly
blended with a fatherly and patronizing admiration, wrought in
him, no doubt, by my appearance of extreme youth and inexperience. Begging me to be seated, he entered at once upon the
subject of my poem;-but modesty will ever forbid me to repeat
the thousand compliments which he lavished upon me. The





THE LITERARY LIFE OF TH1NGUM BOB, ESQ.


217


eulogies of Mr. Crab, (such was the editor's name,) were, however, by no means fulsomely indiscriminate. He analyzed my
composition with much freedom and great ability-not hesitating
to point out a few trivial defects-a circumstance which elevated
him highly in my esteem. The " Gad-Fly" was, of course,
brought upon the tapis, and I hope never to be subjected to a
criticism so searching, or to rebukes so withering, as were bestowed by Mr. Crab upon that unhappy effusion. I had been
accustomed to regard the editor of the " Gad-Fly" as something
superhuman; but Mr. Crab soon disabused me of that idea. He
set the literary as well as the personal character of the Fly (so
Mr. C. satirically designated the rival editor,) in its true light.
He, the Fly, was very little better than he should be. He had
written infamous things. He was a penny-a-liner, and a buffoon.
Hie was a villain. He had composed a tragedy which set the
whole country in a guffaw, and a farce which deluged the universe in tears. Besides all this, he had the impudence to pen
what he meant for a lampoon upon himself, (Mr. Crab,) and the
temerity to style him " an ass."  Should I at any time wish to
express my opinion of Mr. Fry, the pages of the " Lollipop,"
Mr. Crab assured me, were at my unlimited disposal. In the
meantime, as it was very certain that I would be attacked in the
Fly for my attempt at composing a rival poem on the " Oil-ofBob," he (Mr. Crab,) would take it upon himself to attend,
pointedly, to my private and personal interests. If I were not
made a man of at once, it should not be the fault of himself, (Mr.
Crab.)
Mr. Crab having now paused in his discourse, (the latter portion of which I found it impossible to comprehend,) I ventured
to suggest something about the remuneration which I had been
taught to expect for my poem, by an announcement on the cover
of the " Lollipop," declaring that it, (the " Lollipop,") " insisted
upon being permitted to pay exorbitant prices for all accepted
contributions;-frequently expending more money for a single
brief poem than the whole annual cost of the ' Hum-Drum,' the
'Rowdy-Dow,' and the ' Goosetherumfoodle' combined."
As I mentioned the word "remuneration," Mr. Crab first
opened his eyes, and then his mouth, to quite a remarkable ex




218    THE LI'iEL ARY LIFE OF THINGUM BOB, ESQ.
tent; causing his personal appearance to resemble that of a
highly-agitated elderly duck in the act of quacking;-and in this
condition he remained, (ever and anon pressing his hands tightly
to his forehead, as if in a state of desperate bewilderment) until
I had nearly made an end of what I had to say.
Upon my conclusion, he sank back into his seat, as if much
overcome, letting his arms fall lifelessly by his side, but keeping
his mouth still rigorously open, after the fashion of the duck.
While I remained in speechless astonishment at behavior so
alarming, he suddenly leaped to his feet and made a rush at the
bell-rope; but just as he reached this, he appeared to have
altered his intention, whatever it was, for he dived under a table
and immediately re-appeared with a cudgel. This he was in the
act of uplifting, (for what purpose I am at a loss to imagine,)
when, all at once, there came a benign smile over his features,
and he sank placidly back in his chair.
" Mr. Bob," he said, (for I had sent up my card before ascending myself,) " Mr. Bob, you are a young man, I presumevery?"
I assented; adding that I had not yet concluded my third
lustrum.
"' Ah!" he replied, " very good! I see how it is-say no
more! Touching this matter of compensation, what you observe
is very just: in fact it is excessively so. But ah-ah-the first
contribution-the first, I say-it is never the Magazine custom
to pay for-you comprehend, eh?  The truth is, we are usually
the recipients in such case."  [Mr. Crab smiled blandly as he
emphasized the word " recipients."]  " For the most part, we
are paid for the insertion of a maiden attempt-especially in
verse. In the second place, Mr. Bob, the Magazine rule is never
to disburse what we term in France the argent comptant:--I
have no doubt you understand. In a quarter or two after publication of the article-or in a year or two-we make no objection
to giving our note at nine months:-provided always that we can
so arrange our affairs as to be quite certain of a ' burst up' in
six. I really do hope, Mr. Bob, that you will look upon this explanation as satisfactory."  Here Mr. Crab concluded, and the
tears stood in his eyes.





THE LITERARY LIFE OF THINGUM          BOB, ESQ.      219
Grieved to the soul at having been, however innocently, the
cause of pain to so eminent and so sensitive a man, I hastened to
apologize, and to reassure him, by expressing my perfect coincidence with his views, as well as my entire appreciation of the
delicacy of his position.  Having done all this in a neat speech,
I took leave.
One fine morning, very shortly afterwards, "I awoke and
found myself famous." The extent of my renown will be best
estimated by reference to the editorial opinions of the day. These
opinions, it will be seen, were embodied in critical notices of the
number of the " Lollipop" containing my poem, and are perfectly
satisfactory, conclusive and clear with the exception, perhaps, of
the hieroglyphical marks, " Sep. 15-1 t." appended to each of
the critiques.
The " Owl," a journal of profound sagacity, and well known
for the deliberate gravity of its literary decisions-the " Owl,"
I say, spoke as follows:
"' THE LOLLIPOP!' The October number of this delicious Magazine
surpasses its predecessors, and sets competition at defiance. In the beauty
of its typography and paper-in the number and excellence of its steel
plates-as well as in the literary merit of its contributions-the 'Lollipop'
compares with its slow-paced rivals as Hyperion with a Satyr. The ' HumDrum,' the ' Rowdy-Dow,' and the ' Goosetherumfoodle,' excel, it is true,
in braggadocio, but. in all other points, give us the ' Lollipop!' How this
celebrated journal can sustain its evidently tremendous expenses, is more
than we can understand. To be sure, it has a circulation of 100,000, and
its subscription-list has increased one-fourth during the last month; but, on
the other hand, the sums it disburses constantly for contributions are inconceivable. It is reported that Mr. Slyass received no less than thirty-seven
and a half cents for his inimitable paper on ' Pigs.' With Mr. CRAB, as
editor, and with such names upon the list of contributors as SNOB and Slyass, there can be no such word as ' fail' for the ' Lollipop.' Go and subscribe. Sep. 15-1 t."
I must say that I was gratified with this high-toned notice
from a paper so respectable as the "Owl."     The placing my
name-that is to say, my nom    de guerre-in priority of station
to that of the great Slyass, was a compliment as happy as I felt
it to be deserved.
My attention was next arrested by these paragraphs in the





220     THE LITERARY LIFE OF THINGUM BOB, ESQ.
" Toad "-a print highly distinguished for its uprightness, and
independence-for its entire freedom from sycophancy and subservience to the givers of dinners:
"T The ' Lollipop' for October is out in advance of all its contemporaries,
and infinitely surpasses them, of course, in the splendor of its embellishments, as well as in the richness of its literary contents. The ' HumDrum,' the 'Rowdy-Dow,' and the ' Goosetherumfoodle' excel, we admit,
in braggadocio, but, in all other points, give us the ' Lollipop.' How this
celebrated Magazine can sustain its evidently tremendous expenses, is more
than we can understand. To be sure, it has a circulation of 200,000, and
its subscription list has increased one-third during the last fortnight, but on
the other hand, the sums it disburses, monthly, for contributions, are fearfully great. We learn that Mr. Mumblethumb received no less than fifty
cents for his late ' Monody in a Mud-Puddle.'
" Among the original contributors to the present number we notice, (besides the eminent editor, Mr. CRAB,) such men as SNOB, Slyass, and Mumblethumb. Apart from the editorial matter, the most valuable paper, nevertheless, is, we think, a poetical gem by ' Snob, on the ' Oil-of-Bob'-but
our readers must not suppose from the title of this incomparable bijou, that
it bears any similitude to some balderdash on the same subject by a certain
contemptible individual whose name is unmentionable to ears polite. The
present poem ' On the Oil-of-Bob,' has excited universal anxiety and curiosity in respect to the owner of the evident pseudonym, 'Snob'-a curiosity
which, happily, we have it in our power to satisfy, ' Snob' is the nom-deplume of Mr. Thingum Bob, of this city,-a relative of the great Mr.
Thingum, (after whom he is named,) and otherwise connected with the
most illustrious families of the State. His father, Thomas Bob, Esq., is an
opulent merchant in Smug. Sep. 15-1 t."
This generous approbation touched me to the heart-tne more
especially as it emanated from a source so avowedly-so proverbially pure as the "Toad."     The word    "balderdash," as
applied to the " Oil-of-Bob" of the Fly, I considered singularly
pungent and appropriate.     The words "gem" and " bijou,"
however, used in reference to my composition, struck me as
being, in some degree, feeble. They seemed to me to be deficient in force. They were not sufficiently prononces, (as we
have it in France).
I had hardly finisLed reading the " Toad," when a friend
placed in my hands a copy of the " Mole," a daily, enjoying
high reputation for the keenness of its perception about matters
in general, and for the open, honest, above-ground style of its





THE ITrERARY LIFE OF THINGUM           BOB, ESQ.      221
editorials.  The   " Mole" spoke of the     " Lollipop"   as follows:
4' We have just received the ' Lollipop' for October, and must say that
never befire have we perused any single number of any periodical which
afforded us a felicity so supreme. We speak advisedly. The ' Hum-Drum,'
the ' Rowdy-Dow' and the ' Goosetherumfoodle' must look well to their
laurels. These prints, no doubt, surpass every thing in loudness of pretension, but, in all other points, give us the ' Lollipop!' How this celebrated
Magazine can sustain its evidently tremendous expenses, is more than we
can comprehend. To be sure, it has a circulation of 300,000; and its subscription-list has increased one-half within the last week, but then the sum
it disburses, monthly, for contributions, is astoundingly enormous. We
have it upon good authority, that Mr. Fatquack received no less than sixtytwo cents and a half for his late Domestic Nouvelette, the ' Dish-Clout.'
"The contributors to the number before us are Mr CRAB, (the eminent
editor,) SNOB, Mumblethumb, Fatquack, and others; but, after the inimitable compositions of the editor himself, we prefer a diamond-like effusion
from the pen of a rising poet who writes over the signature ' Snob'-a
nom de guerre which we predict will one day extinguish the radiance of
' Boz.' " SNOB,' we learn, is a Mr. THINGUM BOB, Esq., sole heir of a
wealthy merchant of this city, Thomas Bob, Esq., and a near relative of the
distinguished Mr. Thingum. The title of Mr. B.'s admirable poem is the
'Oil-of-Bob'-a somewhat unfortunate name, by-the-by, as some contemptible vagabond connected with the penny press has already disgusted the
town with a great deal of drivel upon the same topic. There will be no
danger, however, of confounding the compositions.  Sep. 15-I t."
The generous approbation of so clear-sighted a journal as the
"Mole" penetrated my soul with delight. The only objection
which occurred to me was, that the terms " contemptible vagabond" might have been better written " odious and contemptible,
wretch, villain and vagabond."   This would have sounded more
gracefully, I think.  "Diamond-like," also, was scarcely, it will
be admitted, of sufficient intensity to express what the " Mole"
evidently thought of the brilliancy of the "1 Oil-of-Bob."
On the same afternoon in which I saw these notices in the
SOwl," the " Toad," and the "M' ole" I happened to meet with
a copy of the " Daddy-Long-Legs," a periodical proverbial for
the extreme extent of its understanding. And it was the " Daddy-Long-Legs" which spoke thus:
'. The ' Lollipop'!! This gorgeous Magazine is already before the publik for October. The question of pre-eminence is forever put to rest, and





222     THE LITERARY LIFE OF THINGUM BOB, ESQ.
hereafter it will be excessively preposterous in the ' Hum-Drum,' the ' Rowdy-Dow, or the. 'Goosetherumfoodle,' to make any farther spasmodic
attempts at competition. These journals may excel the ' Lollipop' in ou"
cry, but, in all other points, give us the ' Lollipop!' How this celebrated
Magazine can sustain its evidently tremendous expenses, is past comprehension. To be sure it has a circulation of precisely half a million, and its
subscription-list has increased seventy-five per cent. within the last couple
of days; but then the sums it disburses, monthly, for contributions, are
scarcely credible; we are cognizant of the fact, that Mademoiselle Cribalittle received no less than eighty-seven cents and a half for her late valuable Revolutionary Tale, entitled ' The York-Town Katy-Did, and the Bunker-Hill Katy-Did'nt.'
" The most able papers in the present number, are, of course, those furnished by the editor, (the eminent Mr. CRAB,) but there are numerous magnificent contributions from such names as SNOB, Mademoiselle Cribalittle,
Slyass, Mrs. Fibalittle, Mumblethumb, Mrs. Squibalittle, and last, though
not least, Fatquack. The world may well be challenged to produce so rich
a galaxy of genius.
" The poem over the signature ' SNOB' is, we find, attracting universal
commendation, and, we are constrained to say, deserves, if possible, even
more applause than it has received. The ' Oil-of-Bob' is the title of this
masterpiece of eloquence and art. One or two of our readers may have;
very faint, although sufficiently disgusting recollection of a poem (1) similarly entitled, the perpetration of a miserable penny-a-liner, mendicant, an-i
cut-throat, connected in the capacity of scullion, we believe, with one of
the indecent prints about the purlieus of the city; we beg them, for God's
sake, not to confound the compositions. The author of the ' Oil-of-Bob' is,
we hear, THINGUM BOB, Esq., a gentleman of high genius, and a scholar.
'Snob' is merely a nom-de-guerre. Sept. 15-1 t."
I could scarcely restrain my indignation while I perused the
concluding portions of this diatribe. It was clear to me that the
yea-nay manner-not to say the gentleness-the positive forbearance with which the " Daddy-Long-Legs"         spoke of that
pig, the editor of the " Gad-Fly"-it was evident to me, I say,
that this gentleness of speech could proceed from nothing else
than a partiality for the Fly-whom it was clearly the intention
of the " Daddy-Long-Legs" to elevate into reputation at my
expense. Any one, indeed, might perceive, with half an eye,
that, had the real design of the " Daddy" been what it wished
to appear, it, (the " Daddy,") might have expressed itself in
terms more direct, more pungent, and altogether more to the
purpose. The words " penny-a-liner," " mendicant," " scullion,"





THE LITERARY LIFE OF THINGUM BOB, ESQ.


223


and " cut-throat," were epithets so intentionally inexpressive
and equivocal, as to be worse than nothing when applied to the
author of the very worst stanzas ever penned by one of the
human race. We all know what is meant by " damning with
faint praise," and, on the other hand, who could fail seeing
through the covert purpose of the " Daddy "-that of glorifying
with feeble abuse?
What the " Daddy" chose to say of the Fly, however, was
no business of mine. What it said of myself was. After the
noble manner in which the " Owl," the " Toad," the " Mole,"
had expressed themselves in respect to my ability, it was rather
too much to be coolly spoken of by a thing like the "DaddyLong-Legs," as merely " a gentleman of high genius and a
scholar."  Gentleman indeed! I made up my mind at once,
either to get a written apology from the " Daddy-Long-Legs,"
or to call it out.
Full of this purpose, I looked about me to find a friend whom
I could entrust with a message to his Daddyship, and as the editor of the "Lollipop" had given me marked tokens of regard, I
at length concluded to seek assistance upon the present occasion.
I have never yet been able to account, in a manner satisfactory to my own understanding, for the very peculiar countenance
and demeanor with which Mr. Crab listened to me, as I unfolded
to him my design. lHe again went through the scene of the
bell-rope and cudgel, and did not omit the duck. At one period
I thought he really intended to quack. His fit, nevertheless,
finally subsided as before, and he began to act and speak in a
rational way. He declined bearing the cartel, however, and in
fact, dissuaded me from sending it at all; but was candid enough
to admit that the " Daddy-Long-Legs" had been disgracefully
in the wrong-more especially in what related to the epithets
" gentleman and scholar."
Towards the end of this interview with Mr. Crab, who really
appeared to take a paternal interest in my welfare, he suggested
to me that I might turn an honest penny, and, at the same time,
advance my reputation, by occasionally playing Thomas Hawk
for the " Lollipop."





22I    THE LITERARY LIFE OF THINGUM BOB, ESQ.
I begged Mr. Crab to inform me who was Mr. Thomas Hawk,
and how it was expected that I should play him.
Here Mr. Crab again " made great eyes," (as we say in Germany,) but at length, recovering himself from a profound attack
of astonishment, he assured me that he employed the words
" Thomas Hawk" to avoid the colloquialism, Tommy, which
was low-but that the true idea was Tommy Hawk-or tomahawk-and that by "playing tomahawk" he referred to scalping, brow-beating and otherwise using-up the herd of poor-devil
authors.
I assured my patron that, if this was all, I was perfectly re.
signed to the task of playing Thomas Hawk. Hereupon Mr.
Crab desired me to use-up the editor of the " Gad-Fly" forthwith, in the fiercest style within the scope of my ability, and as
a specimen of my powers. This I did, upon the spot, in a review of the original " Oil-of-Bob," occupying thirty-six pages
of the " Lollipop." I found playing Thomas Hawk, indeed, a
far less onerous occupation than poetizing; for I went upon
system altogether, and thus it was easy to do the thing thoroughly
and well. My practice was this. I bought auction copies (cheap)
of " Lord Brougham's Speeches," " Cobbett's Complete Works,"
the "New Slang-Syllabus," the "Whole Art of Snubbing,"
" Prentice's Billingsgate," (folio edition,) and " Lewis G. Clarke
on Tongue."  These works I cut up thoroughly with a currycomb, and then, throwing the shreds into a sieve, sifted out
carefully llll that might be thought decent, (a mere trifle); reserving the hard phrases, which I threw into a large tin peppercastor with longitudinal holes, so that an entire sentence could
get through without material injury. The mixture was then
ready for use. When called upon to play Thomas Hawk, I
anointed a sheet of fools-cap with the white of a gander's egg;
then, shredding the thing to be reviewed as I had previously
shredded the books,-only with more care, so as to get every
word separate-I threw the latter shreds in with the former,
screwed on the lid of the castor, gave it a shake, and so dusted
out the mixture upon the egg'd foolscap; where it stuck. The
eftict was beautiful to behold. It was captivating. Indeed, the
reviews I brought to pass by this simple expedient have never





THE LITERARY LIFE OF THINGUM BOB, ESQ.         225
been approached, and were the wonder of the world. At first,
through bashfulness-the result of inexperience-I was a little
put out by a certain inconsistency-a certain air of the bizarre,
(as we say in France,) worn by the composition as a whole. All
the phrases did not ft, (as we say in the Anglo-Saxon.) Many
were quite awry. Some, even, were up-side-down; and there
were none of them which were not, in some measure, injured in
regard to effect, by this latter species of accident, when it occurred;-with the exception of Mr. Lewis Clarke's paragraphs,
which were so vigorous, and altogether stout, that they seemed
not particularly disconcerted by any extreme of position, but
looked equally happy and satisfactory, whether on their heads,
or on their heels.
What became of the editor of the " Gad-Fly," after the publication of my criticism on his " Oil-of-Bob," it is somewhat
difficult to determine. The most reasonable conclusion is, that
he wept himself to death. At all events he disappeared instantaneously from the face of the earth, and no man has seen even
the ghost of him since.
This matter having been properly accomplished, and the Furies appeased, I grew at once into high favor with Mr. Crab.
He took me into his confidence, gave me a permanent situation
as Thomas Hawk of the " Lollipop," and, as for the present, he
could afford me no salary, allowed me to profit, at discretion, by
his advice.
" My dear Thingum," said he to me one day after dinner, " I
respect your abilities and love you as a son. You shall be my
heir. When I die I will bequeath you the 'ILollipop." In the
meantime I will make a man of you-I will-provided always
that you follow my counsel. The first thing to do is to get rid
of the old bore."
" Boar?" said I inquiringly-" pig, eh?-aper? (as we say in
Latin)-who?-where?"
" Your father," said he.
" Precisely," I replied,-" pig."
" You have your fortune to make, Thingum," resumed Mr.
Cr@, " and that governor of yours is a millstone about your
neck. We must cut him at once." [Here I took out my knife.]
VOL. IV.-15





226    THE LITERARY LIFE OF THINGUM BOB, ESQ.
Y We must cut him," continued Mr. Crab, " decidedly and forever. He won't do-he won't.    Upon second thoughts, you
had better kick him, or cane him, or something of that kind."
"What do you say," I suggested modestly, " to my kicking
him in the first instance, caning him afterwards, and winding up
by tweaking his nose?"
Mr. Crab looked at me musingly for some moments, and then
answered:
" I think, Mr. Bob, that what you propose would answer sufficiently well-indeed remarkably well-that is to say, as far as
it went-but barbers are exceedingly hard to cut, and I think,
upon the whole, that, having performed upon Thomas Bob
the operations you suggest, it would be advisable to blacken,
with your fists, both his eyes, very carefully and thoroughly, to
prevent his ever seeing you again in fashionable promenades.
After doing this, I really do not perceive that you can do any
more. However-it might be just as well to roll him once or
twice in the gutter, and then put him in charge of the police.
Any time the next morning you can call at the watch-house and
swear an assault."
I was much affected by the kindness of feeling towards me
personally, which was evinced in this excellent advice of Mr.
Crab, and I did not fail to profit by it forthwith. The result
was, that I got rid of the old bore, and began to feel a little independent and gentleman-like. The want of money, however,
was, for a few weeks, a source of some discomfort; but at length,
by carefully putting to use my two eyes, and observing how
matters went just in front of my nose, I perceived how the
thing was to be brought about. I say " thing"-be it observedfor they tell me the Latin for it is rem. By the way, talking of
Latin, can any one tell me the meaning of quocunque-or what
is the meaning of modo?
My plan was exceedingly simple. I bought, for a song, a
sixteenth of the " Snapping-Turtle:"-that was all. The thing
was done, and I put money in my purse. There were some trivial arrangements afterwards, to be sure; but these formed no
portion of the plan. They were a consequence-a result., For
example, I bought pen, ink and paper, and put them into furious





THE LITERARY LIFE OF THINGUM BOB, ESQ.         227
activity. Having thus completed a Magazine article, I gave it,
for appellation, " FOL-LOL, b; the Author of 'THE OIL-OFBOB,' " and enveloped it to the " Goosetherumfoodle."  That
journal, however, having pronounced it " twattle" in the
" Monthly Notices to Correspondents," I reheaded the paper
"' Hey-Diddle-Diddle,' by THINGuMI BOB, Esq., Author of the
Ode on ' The Oil-of-Bob,' and Editor of the " Snapping-Turtle."
With this amendment, I re-enclosed it to the " Goosetherumfoodle," and, while I awaited a reply, published daily, in the
" Turtle," six columns of what may be termed philosophical and
analytical investigation of the literary merits of the " Goosetherumfoodle," as well as of the personal character of the editor
of the " Goosetherumfoodle."  At the end of a week the
" Goosetherumfoodle" discovered that it had, by some odd mistake, " confounded a stupid article, headed ' Hey-Diddle-Diddle'
and composed by some unknown ignoramus, with a gem of resplendent lustre similarly entitled, the work of Thingum Bob,
Esq., the celebrated author of 'The Oil-of-Bob' " The " Goosetherumfoodle" deeply "regretted' this very natural accident,"
and promised, moreover, an insertion of the genuine " Hey-Diddle-Diddle" in the very next number of the Magazine.
The fact is, I thought-I really thought-I thought at the
time-I thought then-and have no reason for thinking otherwise now-that the " Goosetherumfoodle" did make a mistake.
With the best intentions in the world, I never knew any thing
that made as many singular mistakes as the " Goosetherumfoodie."  From that day I took a liking to the " Goosetherumfoodie," and the result was I soon saw into the very depths of its
literary merits, and did not fail to expatiate upon them, in the
" Turtle," whenever a fitting opportunity occurred. And it is
to be regarded as a very peculiar coincidence-as one of those
positively remarkable coincidences which set a man to serious
thinking-that just such a total revolution of opinion-just such
entire bouleversement, (as we say in French,)-just such thorough topsiturviness, (if I may be permitted to employ a rather
forcible term of the Choctaws,) as happened, pro and con, between myself on the one part, and the " Goosetherumfoodle" on
thle other, did actually again happen, in a brief period after




228    THE LITERARY LIFE OF THINGUM BOB, ESQ.
wards, and with precisely similar circumstances, in the case of
myself and the " Rowdy-Dow," and in the case of myself and
the " Hum-Drum."
Thus it was that, by a master-stroke of genius, I at length
consummated my triumphs by " putting money in my purse,"
and thus may be said really and fairly to have commenced that
brilliant and eventful career which rendered me illustrious, and
which now enables me to say, with Chateaubriand, " I have made
history"-" I'ai fait l'histoire."
I have indeed " made history." From the bright epoch which
I now record, my actions-my works-are the property of mankind. They are familiar to the world. It is, then, needless for
me to detail how, soaring rapidly, I fell heir to the " Lollipop"how I merged this journal in the "Hum-Drum"-how again I
made purchase of the " Rowdy-Dow," thus combining the three
periodicals-how, lastly, I effected a bargain for the sole remaining rival, and united all the literature of the country in one
magnificent Magazine, known everywhere as the
" Rowdy-Dow, Lollipop, Hum-Drum,
and
GO OSETHERUMFOODLE."
Yes; I have made history. My fame is universal. It extends
to the uttermost ends of the earth. You cannot take up a common newspaper in which you shall not see some allusion to the
immortal TIINGUM BOB. It is Mr. Thingum Bob said so, and
Mr. Thingum Bob wrote this, and Mr. Thingum Bob did that.
But I am meek and expire with an humble heart. After all,
what is it?-this indescribable something which men will persist
in terming "genius?"  I agree with Buffon-with Hogarth-it
is but diligence after all.
Look at me!-how I labored-how I toiled-how I wrote!
Ye Gods, did I not write? I knew not the word " ease."  By
day I adhered to my desk, and at night, a pale student, I consumed the midnight oil. You should have seen me-you should.
I leaned to the right. I leaned to the left. I sat forward. I
sat backward. I sat upon end. I sat tete baissee, (as they have





THE LITERARY LIFE OF THINGUM BOB, ESQ.         229
it in the Kickapoo,) bowing my head close to the alabaster page.
And, through all, I-wrote. Through joy and through sorrow,
I-wrote.   Through hunger and through thirst, I-wrote.
Through good report and through ill report, I-wrote. Through
sunshine and through moonshine, I-wrote.  What I wrote it is
unnecessary to say. The style!-that was the thing. I caught
it from Fatquack-whizz!-fizz!-and I am giving you a specimen of it now.





HOW TO WRITE A BLACKWOOD ARTICLE.
" In the name of the Prophet-figs!!"
Cry of Turkish jig-pedler.
I PRESUME every body has heara of me. My name is the
Signora Psyche Zenobia. This I know to be a fact. No body
but my enemies ever calls me Suky Snobbs. I have been assured that Suky is but a vulgar corruption of Psyche, which is
good Greek, and means " the soul" (that's me, I'm all soul) and
sometimes "a butterfly," which latter meaning undoubtedly alludes to my appearance in my new crimson satin dress, with the
sky-blue Arabian mantelet, and the trimmings of green agr/ffas,
and the seven flounces of orange-colored auriculas. As for
Snobbs-any person who should look at me would be instantly
aware that my name wasn't Snobbs. Miss Tabitha Turnip pro)pagated that report through sheer envy. Tabitha Turnip indeed!
Oh the little wretch! But what can we expect from a turnip?
Wonder if she remembers the old adage about " blood out of a
turnip, &c." [Mem: put her in mind of it the first opportunity.]
LMem again-pull her nose.]   Where was I? Ah! I have
been assured that Snobbs is a mere corruption of Zenobia, and
that Zenobia was a queen-(So am I. Dr. Moneypenny, always
calls me the Queen of Hearts )-and that Zenobia, as well as
Psyche, is good Greek, and that my father was " a Greek," and
that consequently I have a right to our patronymic, which is Zenobia, and not by any means Snobbs. Nobody but Tabitha
Turnip calls me Suky Snobbs. I am the Signora Psyche
Zenobia.
As I said before, everybody has heard of me. I am that very
Signora Psyche Zenobia, so justly celebrated as corresponding





HOW TO WRITE A BLACKWOOD ARTICLE.


231


secretary to the "Philadelphia, Regular, Exchange, Tea, Total,
Young, Belles, Lettres, Universal, Experimental, Bibliographical
Association, To, Civilize, Humanity."  Dr. Moneypenny made
the title for us, and says he chose it because it sounded big like
an empty rum-puncheon. (A vulgar man that sometimes-but
he's deep.)  We all sign the initials of the society after our
names, in the fashion of the R. S. A., Royal Society of Artsthe S. D. U. K., Society for the Diffusion of Useful Knowledge,
&c. &c. Dr. Moneypenny says that S stands for stale, and that
D. U. K. spells duck, (but it don't,) and that S. D. U. K. stands
for Stale Duck, and not for Lord Brougham's society-but then
Dr. Moneypenny is such a queer man that I am never sure when
he is telling me the truth. At any rate we always add to our
names the initials P. R. E. T. T. Y. B. L. U. E. B. A. T. C. H.that is to say, Philadelphia, Regular, Exchange, Tea, Total,
Young, Belles, Lettres, Universal, Experimental, Bibliographical,
Association, To, Civilize, Humanity-one letter for each word,
which is a decided improvement upon Lord Brougham. Dr.
Moneypenny will have it that our initials give our true character-but for my life I can't see what he means.
Notwithstanding the good offices of the Doctor, and the strenuous exertions of the association to get itself into notice, it met
with no very great success until I joined it. The truth is, members indulged in too flippant a tone of discussion. The papers
read every Saturday evening were characterized less by depth
than buffoonery. They were all whipped syllabub. There was
no investigation of first causes, first principles. There was no
investigation of anything at all. There was no attention paid to
that great point, the " fitness of things." In short there was no
fine writing like this. It was all low-very! No profundity,
no reading, no metaphysics-nothing which the learned call spirituality, and which the unlearned choose to stigmatize as cant.
[Dr. M. says I ought to spell " cant" with a capital K-but I
know better.]
When I joined the society it was my endeavor to introduce a
better style of thinking and writing, and all the world knows how
well I have succeeded. We get up as good papers now in the
P. R. E. T. T.Y. B. L. U. E. B. A. T. C. H. as any to be found





032     HOW TO WRITE A BLACKWOOD ARTICLE.
even in Blackwood. I say, Blackwood, because I have been
assured that the finest writing, upon every subject, is to be discovered in the pages of that justly celebrated Magazine. We
now take it for our model upon all themes, and are getting into
rapid notice accordingly. And, after all, it's not so very difficult
a matter to compose an article of the genuine Blackwood stamp,
if one only goes properly about it. Of course I don't speak of
the political articles. Everybody knows how they are managed,
since Dr. Moneypenny explained it. Mr. Blackwood has a pair
of tailor's-shears, and three apprentices who stand by him for orders. One hands him the " Times," another the " Examiner,"
and a third a " Gulley's New Compendium of Slang-Whang."
Mr. B. merely cuts out and intersperses. It is soon donenothing but Examiner, Slang-Whang, and Times-then Times,
Slang Whang, and Examiner-and then Times, Examiner and
Slang-Whang.
But the chief merit of the Magazine lies in its miscellaneous
articles; and the best of these come- under the head of what Dr.
Moneypenny calls the bizarreries (whatever that may mean) and
what everybody else calls the intensities. This is a species of
writing which I have long known how to appreciate, although it
is only since my late visit to Mr. Blackwood (deputed by the
society) that I have been made aware of the exact method of
composition. This method is very simple, but not so much so as
the politics. Upon my calling at Mr. B.'s, and making known
to him the wishes of the society, he received me with great civility, took me into his study, and gave me a clear explanation of
the whole process.
" My dear madam," said he, evidently struck with my majestic appearance, for I had on the crimson satin, with the green
agraffas, and orange-colored auriculas, " My dear madam," said
he, "sit down. The matter stands thus. In the first place,
your writer of intensities must have very black ink, and a very
big pen, with a very blunt nib. And, mark me, Miss Psyche
Zenobia!" he continued, after a pause, with the most impressive
energy and solemnity of manner, " mark me!-that pen-mustnever be mended!  Herein, madam, lies the secret, the soul, of
intensity. I assume upon myself to say, that no individual,





HOW TO WRITE A BLACKWOOD ARTICLE.


233


of however great genius, ever wrote with a good pen,-understand me,--a good article. You may take it for granted, that
when manuscript can be read it is never worth reading. This is
a leading principle in our faith, to which if you cannot readily
assent, our conference is at an end."
He paused. But, of course, as I had no wish to put an end to
the conference, I assented to a proposition so very obvious, and
one, too, of whose truth I had all along been sufficiently aware.
He seemed pleased, and went on with his instructions.
"It may appear invidious in me, Miss Psyche Zenobia, to refer
you to an article, or set of articles, in the way of model or study;
yet perhaps I may as well call your attention to a few cases.
Let me see. There was ' The Dead Alive,' a capital thing!the record of a gentleman's sensations when entombed before the
breath was out of his body-full of taste, terror, sentiment, metaphysics, and erudition. You would have sworn that the writer
had been born and brought up in a coffin. Then we had the
' Confessions of an Opium-eater'-fine, very fine!-glorious imagination-deep philosophy-acute speculation-plenty of fire and
fury, and a good spicing of the decidedly unintelligible. That
was a nice bit of flummery, and went down the throats of the
people delightfully. They would have it that Coleridge wrote
the paper-but not so. It was composed by my pet baboon,
Juniper, over a rummer of Hollands and water, ' hot, without
sugar.' " [This I could scarcely have believed had it been any
body but Mr. Blackwood, who assured me of it.]  " Then there
was ' The Involuntary Experimentalist,' all about a gentleman
who got baked in an oven, and came out alive and well, although
certainly done to a turn. And then there was The Diary of a
Late Physician,' where the merit lay in good rant, and indifferent Greek-both of them taking things with the public. And
then there was ' The Man in the Bell,' a paper by-the-by, Miss
Zenobia, which I cannot sufficiently recommend to your attention.
It is the history of a young person who goes to sleep under the
clapper of a church bell, and is awakened by its tolling for a
funeral. The sound drives him mad, and, accordingly, pulling
out his tablets, he gives a record of his sensations. Sensations
are the great things after all. Should you ever be drowneA or





234     HOW TO WRITE A BLACKWOOD ARTICLE.
hung, be sure and make a note of your sensations-they will be
worth to you ten guineas a sheet. If you wish to write forcibly,
Miss Zenobia, pay minute attention to the sensations."
"That I certainly will, Mr. Blackwood,' said I.
' Good 1" he replied. " I see you are a pupil after my own
heart. But I must put you au fait to the details necessary in
composing what may be denominated a genuine Blackwood article of the sensation stamp-the kind which you will understand
me to say I consider the best for all purposes.
" The first thing requisite is to get yourself into such a scrape
as no one ever got into before. The oven, for instance,-that
was a good hit. But if you have no oven, or big bell, at hand,
and if you cannot conveniently tumble out of a balloon, or be
swallowed up in an earthquake, or get stuck fast in a chimney,
you will have to be contented with simply imagining some similar misadventure. I should prefer, however, that you have the
actual fact to bear you out. Nothing so well assists the fancy,
as an experimental knowledge of the matter in hand. 'Truth is
strange,' you know, ' stranger than fiction'-besides being more
to the purpose."
Here I assured him I had an excellent pair of garters, and
would go and hang myself forthwith.
" Good!" he replied, " do so;-although hanging is somewhat
hackneyed. Perhaps you might do better. Take a dose of Brandreth's pills, and then give us your sensations. However, my
instructions will apply equally well to any variety of misadventure, and in your way home you may easily get knocked in the
head, or run over by an omnibus, or bitten by a mad dog, or
drowned in a gutter. But to proceed.
" Having determined upon your subject, you must next consider the tone, or manner, of your narration. There is the tone
didactic, the tone enthusiastic, the tone natural-all commonplace enough. But then there is the tone laconic, or curt, which
has lately come much into use. It consists in short sentences.
Somehow thus: Can't be too brief. Can't be too snappish.
Always a full stop. And never a pararaph.
"Then there is the tone elevated, diffusive, and interjectional.
Some of our best novelists patronize this tone. The words must





HOW TO WRITE A BLACKWOOD ARTICLE.


235


be all in a whirl, like a humming-top, and make a noise very
similar, which answers remarkably well instead of meaning.
This is the best of all possible styles where the writer is in too
great a hurry to think.
" The tone metaphysical is also a good one. If you know any
big words this is your chance for them. Talk of the Ionic and
Eleatic schools-of Archytas, Gorgias and Alemeon.   Say
something about objectivity and subjectivity. Be sure and abuse
a man named Locke. Turn up your nose at things in general,
and when you let slip anything a little too absurd, you need not
be at the trouble of scratching it out, but just add a foot-note,
and say that you are indebted for the above profound observation
to the ' Kritik der reinem Vernunft,' or to the ' Metaphysische
Anfmngsgrunde der Nuturtwissenschaft.' This will look erudite
and-and-and fiank.
"There are various other tones of equal celebrity, but I shall mention only two more-the tone transcendental and the tone heter)geneous. In the former the merit consists in seeing into the nature
of affairs a very great deal farther than any body else. This
second sight is very efficient when properly managed. A little
reading of the ' Dial' will carry you a great way. Eschew, in
this case, big words; get them as small as possible, and write
them upside down. Look over Channing's poems and quote
what he says about a ' fat little man with a delusive show of Can.'
Put in something about the Supernal Oneness. Don't say a
syllable about the Infernal Twoness. Above all, study inuendo.
Hint everything-assert nothing. If you feel inclined to say
'bread and butter,' do not by any means say it outright. You may
say anything and everything approaching to 'bread and butter.'
You may hint at buck-wheat cake, or you may even go so far as
to insinuate oat-meal porridge, but if bread and butter be your
real meaning, be cautious, my dear Miss Psyche, not on any account to say 'bread and butter!'"
I assured him that I should never say it again as long as I
lived. He kissed me and continued:
"As for the tone heterogeneous, it is merely a judicious mixture, in equal proportions, of all the other tones in the world,





236     HOW TO WRITE A BLACKWOOD ARTICLE.
and is consequently made up of everything deep, great, odd,
piquant, pertinent, and pretty.
" Let us suppose now you have determined upon your incidents and tone. The most important portion-in fact, the soul
of the whole business, is yet to be attended to-I allude to the
filling up. It is not to be supposed that a lady, or gentleman
either, has been leading the life of a book-worm. And yet
above all things it is necessary that your article have an air of
erudition, or at least afford evidence of extensive general reading. Now I'll put you in the way of accomplishing this point.
See here!" (pulling down some three or four ordinary-looking
volumes, and opening them at random). " By casting your eye
down almost any page of any book in the world, you will be
able to perceive at once a host of little scraps of either learning
or bel-esprit-ism, which are the very thing for the spicing of a
Blackwood article. You might as well note down a few while
I read them to you. I shall make two divisions: first, Piquant
Facts for the Manufacture of Similes; and second, Piquant -Expressions to be introduced as occasion may require.  Write
now!-" and I wrote as he dictated.
"' PIQUANT FACTS FOR SIMILES. ' There were originally
bu. three Muses-Melete, Mneme, Acede-meditation, memory,
and singing.' You may make a great deal of that little fact if
properly worked. You see it is not generally known, and looks
recherche". You must be careful and give the thing with a downright improviso air.
"Again. 'The river Alpheus passed beneath the sea, and
emerged without injury to the purity of its waters.' Rather
stale that, to be sure, but, if properly dressed and dished up,
will look quite as fresh as ever.
" Here is something better. 'The Persian Iris appears to
some persons to possess a sweet and very powerful perfume,
while to others it is perfectly scentless.' Fine that, and very
delicate I Turn it about a little, and it will do wonders. We'll
have something else in the botanical line.  There's nothing
goes down so well, especially with the help of a little Latin.
Write!





HOW TO WRITE A BLACKWOOD ARTICLE.


237


"' The Epidendrum Flos Aeris, of Java, bears a very beautiful flower, and will live when pulled up by the roots. The
natives suspend it by a cord from the ceiling, and enjoy its fragrance for years.' That's capital! That will do for the similes.
Now for the Piquant Expressions.
PIQUANT EXPRESSIONS. ' The venerable Chinese novel JuEiao-Li.'  Good! By introducing these few words with dexterity you will evince your intimate acquaintance with the
language and literature of the Chinese. With the aid of this
you may possibly get along without either Arabic, or Sanscrit,
or Chickasaw. There is no passing muster, however, without
Spanish, Italian, German, Latin, and Greek. I must look you
out a little specimen of each. Any scrap will answer, because
you must depend upon your own ingenuity to make it fit into
your article. Now write!
"'Aussi tendre que Zaire'-as tender as Zaire-French.
Alludes to the frequent repetition of the phrase, la tendre Zaire,
in the French tragedy of that name. Properly introduced, will
show not only your knowledge of the language, but you general
reading and wit. You can say, for instance, that the chicken
you were eating (write an article about bting choked to death
by a chicken-bone) was not altogether aussi tendre que Zaire.
Write!
' Van mucrte tan escondida,
Que no te sienta venir,
Porque el plazer del morir
No me tome a dar la vida.'
That's Spanish-from Miguel de Cervantes. 'Come quickly, 0
death! but be sure and don't let me see you coming, lest the
pleasure I shall feel at your appearance should unfortunately
bring me back again to life.' This you may slip in quite a
propos when you are struggling in the last agonies with the
chicken-bone. Write!
' I pover 'hvomo che non se'n era accorto,
Andava combattendo, e era morto.'
That's Italian, you perceive-from  Ariosto. It means that a
great hero, in the heat of combat, not perceiving that he had





238      HOW TO WRITE A BLACKWOOD ARTICLE.
been fairly killed, continued to fight valiantly, dead as he was.
The application of this to your own case is obvious-for I trust,
Miss Psyche, that you will not neglect to kick for at least an
hour and a half after you have been choked to death by that
chicken-bone. Please to write!
SUnd sterb'ich doch, no sterb'ich denn
Durch sic--durch sie!'
That's German-from Schiller. 'And if I die, at least I diefor thee-for thee!' Here it is clear that you are apostrophizing
the cause of your disaster, the chicken. Indeed what gentleman
(or lady either) of sense, wouldn't die, I should like to know,
for a well fattened capon of the right Molucca breed, stuffed
with capers and mushrooms, and served up in a salad-bowl, with
orange-jellies en mosaiques. Write! (You can get them that
way at Tortoni's),-Write, if you please!
" Here is a nice little Latin phrase, and rare too, (one can't
be too recherche or brief in one's Latin, it's getting so common),
-ignoratio elenchi. He has committed an ignoratio el nchithat is to say, he has understood the words of your proposition,
but not the idea. The man was a fool, you see. Some poor
fellow whom you address while choking with that chicken-bone,
and who therefore didn't precisely understand what you were
talking about. Throw the ignoratio elenchi in his teeth, and, at
once, you have him annihilated. If he dare to reply, you can
tell him from Lucan (here it is) that speeches are mere anemonae
verborum, anemone words. The anemone, with great brilliancy,
has no smell. Or, if he begin to bluster, you may be down upon
him with insomnia Jovis, reveries of Jupiter-a phrase which
Silius Italicus (see here!) applies to thoughts pompous and inflated. This will be sure and cut him to the heart. He can do
nothing but roll over and die. Will you be kind enough to
write?
"In Greek we must have something pretty-from Demosthenes, for example. Avspo csuywýv xac crcaXiv pcaXsercct. [Aner
o pheugon kai palin makesetai].  There is a tolerably good
translation of it in HudibrasFor he that flies may fight again,
Which he can never do that's slain.





HOW TO WRITE A BLACKWOOD ARTICLE.


239


In a Blackwood article nothing makes so fine a show as your
Greek. The very letters have an air of profundity about them.
Only observe, madam, the astute look of that Epsilon! That
Phi ought certainly to be a bishop! Was ever there a smarter
fellow than that Omicron? Just twig that Tau! In short, there
is nothing like Greek for a genuine sensation-paper. In the
present case your application is the most obvious thing in the
world. Rap out the sentence, with a huge oath, and by way
of ultimatum at the good-for-nothing dunder-headed villain who
couldn't understand your plain English in relation to the chickenbone. He'll take the hint and be off, you may depend upon it."
These were all the instructions Mr. B. could afford me upon
the topic in question, but I felt they would be entirely sufficient.
I was, at length, able to write a genuine Blackwood article, and
determined to do it forthwith. In taking leave of me, Mr B.
made a proposition for the purchase of the paper when written;
but as he could offer me only fifty guineas a sheet, I thought it
tetter to let our society have it, than sacrifice it for so paltry a
sum. Notwithstanding this niggardly spirit, however, the gentleman showed his consideration for me in all other respects, and
indeed treated me with the greatest civility. His parting words
made a deep impression upon my heart, and I hope I shall
always remember them with gratitude.
" My dear Miss Zenobia," he said, while the tears stood in his
eyes, " is there anything else I can do to promote the success of
your laudable undertaking? Let me reflect! It is just possible
that you may not be able, so soon as convenient, to-to-get
yourself drowned, or-choked with a chicken-bone, or-or hung,
-or-bitten by a-but stay! Now I think me of it, there are
a couple of very excellent bull-dogs in the yard-fine fellows, I
assure you-savage, and all that-indeed just the thing for your
money-they'll have you eaten up, auriculus and all, in less than
five minutes (here's my watch!)-and then only think of the
sensations! Here! I say-Tom!-Peter!-Dick, you villain!
-let out those"-but as I was really in'a great hurry, and had
not another moment to spare, I was reluc antly forced to expedite my departure, and accordingly took leave at once-some.





io140    HOW TO WRITE A MAGAZINE ARTICLE.
what more abruptly, I admit, than strict courtesy would have
otherwise, allowed.
It was my primary object upon quitting Mr. Blackwood, to
get into some immediate difficulty, pursuant to his advice, and
with this view I spent the greater part of the day in wandering0
about Edinburg, seeking for desperate adventures-adventures
adequate to the intensity of my feelings, and adapted to the vast
character of the article I intended to write. In this excursion
I was attended by one negro-servant Pompey, and my little lapdogý Diana, whom I had brought with me from Philadelphia. It
was not, however, until late in the afternoon that I fully succeeded
in my arduous undertaking. An important event then happened
of which the following Blackwood article, in the tone heterc'qrcneous, is the substance and result.





A PREDICAMENT.
What chance, good lady, hath bereft you thus?-CoOMus.
IT was a quiet and still afternoon when I strolled forth in the
goodly city of Edina. The confusion and bustle in the streets
were terrible. Men were talking.  Women were screaming.
Children were choking.   Pigs were whistling.  Carts they
rattled. Bulls they bellowed. Cows they lowed. Horses they
neighed. Cats they caterwauled. Dogs they danced. Danced!
Could it then be possible? Danced! Alas, thought I, my dancing days are over! Thus it is ever. What a host of gloomy
recollections will ever and anon be awakened in the mind of
genius and imaginative contemplation, especially of a genius
doomed to the everlasting, and eternal, and continual, and, as
one might say, the-continued-yes, the continued and continuous, bitter, harassing, disturbing, and, if I may be allowed the
expression, the very disturbing influence of the serene, and godlike, and heavenly, and exalting, and elevated, and purifying
effect of what may be rightly termed the most enviable, the
most truly enviable-nay! the most benignly beautiful, the most
deliciously ethereal, and, as it were, the most pretty (if I may
use so bold an expression) thing (pardon me, gentle reader!) in
the word-but I am always led away by my feelings. In such
a mind, I repeat, what a host of recollections are stirred up by a
trifle I The dogs danced! I-I could not! They frisked-I
wept.   They capered-I sobbed aloud.    Touching circumstances! which cannot fail to bring to the recollection of the
classical reader that exquisite passage in relation to the fitness
of things, which is to be found in the commencement of the
VOL. IY.-16





242,


A PREDICAMENT.


third volume of that admirable and venerable Chinese novel,
the Jo- Go-Slow.
In my solitary walk through the city I had two humble but
faithful companions. Diana, my poodle! sweetest of creatures!
She had a quantity of hair over her one eye, and a blue riband
tied fashionably around her neck. Diana was not more than five
inches in height, but her head was somewhat bigger than her body,
and her tail, being cut off exceedingly close, gave an air of injured innocence to the interesting animal which rendered her a
favorite with all.
And Pompey, my negro!-sweet Pompey! how shall I ever
forget thee? I had taken Pompey's arm. He was three feet in
height (I like to be particular) and about seventy, or perhaps
eighty, years of age. He had bow-legs and was corpulent. His
mouth should not be called small, nor his ears short. His teeth,
however, were like pearl, and his large full eyes were deliciously
white. Nature had endowed him with no neck, and had placed
his ankles (as usual with that race) in the middle of the upper
portion of the feet. He was clad with a striking simplicity.
Iis sole garments were a stock of nine inches in height, and a
nearly-new drab overcoat which had formerly been in the service
of the tall, stately, and illustrious Dr. Moneypenny. It was a
good overcoat. It was well cut. It was well made. The coat
was nearly new. Pompey held it up out of the dirt with both
hands.
There were three persons in our party, and two of them have
already been the subject of remark. There was a third-that
third person was myself. I am the Seignora Psyche Zenobia.
I am not Suky Snobbs. My appearance is commanding. On
the memorable occasion of which I speak I was habited in a
crimson satin dress, with a sky-blue Arabian mantelet. And
the dress had trimmings of green agraffas, and seven graceful
flounces of the orange colored auricula. I thus formed the third
of the party.  There was the poodle. There was Pompey.
There was myself. We were three. Thus it is said there were
originally but three Furies-Melty, Nimmy and Hetty-Meditation, Memory and Fiddling.
Leaning upon the arm of the gallant Pompey, and attended





A PREDICAMENT.


243


at a respectful distance by Diana, I proceeded down one of the
populous and very pleasant streets of the now deserted Edina.
On a sudden, there presented itself to view a church-a Gothic
cathedral-vast, venerable, and with a tall steeple, which towered into the sky. What madness now possessed me? Why did I
rush upon my fate? I was seized with an uncontrollable desire
to ascend the giddy pinnacle, and thence survey the immense
extent of the city. The door of the cathedral stood invitingly
open. My destiny prevailed. I entered the ominous archway.
Where then was my guardian angel?-if indeed such angels
there be.  If! Distressing monosyllable! what a world of
mystery, and meaning, and doubt, and uncertainty is there involved in thy two letters! I entered the ominous archway! I
entered; and, without injury to my orange-colored auriculas, I
passed beneath the portal, and emerged within the vestibule.
Thus it is said the immense river Alfred passed, unscathed, and
unwetted, beneath the sea.
I thought the staircases would never have an end. Round!
Yes, they went round and up, and round and up and round and
up, until I could not help surmising, with the sagacious Pompey,
upon whose supporting arm I leaned in all the confidence of early
affection-I could not help surmising that the upper end of the
continuous spiral ladder had been accidentally, or perhaps designedly, removed. I paused for breath; and, in the meantime,
an incident occurred of too momentous a nature in a moral, and
also in a metaphysical point of view, to be passed over without
notice. It appeared to me-indeed I was quite confident of the
fact-I could not be mi aklen-no! I had, for some moments,
carefully and anxiously observed the motions of my Diana-I
say that Icould not be mistaken-Diana smelt a rat!  At once I
called Pompey's attention to the subject, and he--he agreed with
me. There was then no longer any reasonable room for doubt.
The rat had been smelled-and by Diana. Heavens! shall I
ever forget the intense excitement of that moment? Alas!
what is the boasted intellect of man? The rat!-it was therethat is to say, it was somewhere. Diana smelled the rat. I--1
could not! Thus it is said the Prussian Isis has, for some per





244


A PREDICAMENT.


sons, a sweet and very powerful perfume, while to others it is
perfectly scentless.
The staircase had been surmounted, and there were now only
three or four more upward steps intervening between us and the
summit. We still ascended, and now only one step remained.
One step! One little, little step! Upon one such little step in the
great staircase of human life how vast a sum of human happiness
or misery often depends! I thought of myself, then of Pompey,
and then of the mysterious and inexplicable destiny which surrounded us. I thought of Pompey!-alas, I thought of love! I
thought of the many false steps which have been taken, and may
be taken again. I resolved to be more cautious, more reserved.
I abandoned the arm of Pompey, and, without his assistance,
surmounted the one remaining step, and gained the chamber of
the belfry. I was followed immediately afterwards by my poodle. Pompey alone remained behind. I stood at the head of
the staircase, and encouraged him to ascend. He stretched forth
to me his hand, and unfortunately in so doing was forced to
abandon his firm hold upon the overcoat. Will the gods never
cease their persecution? The overcoat it dropped, and, with one
of his feet, Pompey stepped upon the long and trailing skirt of
the overcoat. He stumbled and fell-this consequence was inevitable. He fell forwards, and, with his accursed head, striking
me full in the-in the breast, precipitated me headlong, together
with himself, upon the hard, filthy and detestable floor of the
belfry. But my revenge was sure, sudden and complete. Seizing
him furiously by the wool with both hands, I tore out a vast
quantity of the black, and crisp, and curling material, and tossed
it from me with every manifestation of disdain. It fell among
the ropes of the belfry and remained. Pompey arose, and said
no word. But he regarded me piteously with his large eyes
and-sighed. Ye gods-that sigh! It sunk into my heart.
And the hair-the wool! Could I have reached that wool I
would have bathed it with my tears, in testimony of regret. But
alas I it was now far beyond my grasp. As it dangled among
the cordage of the bell, I fancied it still alive. I fancied that it
stood on end with indignation. Thus the hacppydandy Flos Aeris
of Java, bears, it is said, a beautiful flower, which will live when





A PREDICAMENT.


245


pulled up by the roots. The natives suspend it by a cord from
the ceiling and enjoy its fragrance for years.
Our quarrel was now made up, and we looked about the room
for an aperture through which to survey the city of Edina.
Windows there were none. The sole light admitted into the
gloomy chamber proceeded from a square opening, about a foot
in diameter, at a height of about seven feet from the floor. Yet
what will the energy of true genius not effect? I resolved to
clamber up to this hole. A vast quantity of wheels, pinions, and
other cabalistic looking machinery stood opposite the hole, close to
it; and through the hole there passed an iron rod from the machinery. Between the wheels and the wall where the hole lay,
there was barely room for my body-yet I was desperate, and
determined to persevere. I called Pompey to my side.
"You perceive that aperture, Pompey. I wish to look through
it. You will stand here just beneath the hole-so. Now, hold
out one of your hands, Pompey, and let me step upon it-thus.
Now, the other hand, Pompey, and with its aid I will get upon
your shoulders."
He did everything I wished, and I found, upon getting up,
that I could easily pass my head and neck through the aperture.
The prospect was sublime. Nothing could be more magnificent.
I merely paused a moment to bid Diana behave herself, and assure Pompey that I would be considerate and bear as lightly as
possible upon his shoulders. I told him I would be tender of
his feelings-ossi tender que beefsteak. Having done this justice
to my faithful friend, I gave myself up with great zest and anthusiasm to the enjoyment of the scene which so obligingly spread
itself out before my eyes.
Upon this subject, however, I shall forbear to dilate. I will
not describe the city of Edinburgh. Every one has been to
Edinburgh-the classic Edina. I will confine myself to the
momentous details of my own lamentable adventure. Having,
in some measure, satisfied my curiosity in regard to the extent,
situation, and general appearance of the city, I had leisure to
survey the church in which I was, and the delicate architecture
of the steeple. I observed that the aperture through which I had
thrust my head was an opening in the dial-plate of a giganic
----- -J-0                                b `- - '" ^^





246


A PREDICAMENT.


clock, and must have appeared, from the street, as a large keyhole. such as we see in the face of French watches. No doubt
the truesobject was to admit the arm of an attendant, to adjust,
when necessary, the hands of the clock from within. I observed
also, with surprise, the immense size of these hands, the longest
of which could not have been less than ten feet in length, and,
where broadest, eight or nine inches in breadth. They were of
solid steel apparently, and their edges appeared to be sharp
Having noticed these particulars, and some others, I again turned
my eyes upon the glorious prospect below, and soon became ab
sorbed in contemplation.
From this, after some minutes, I was aroused by the voice of
Pompey, who declared he could stand it no longer, and requested
that I would be so kind as to come down. This was unreasonable, and I told him so in a speech of some length. He replied
but with an evident misunderstanding of my ideas upon the subject. I accordingly grew angry, and told him in plain words,
that he was a fool, that he had committed an ignoramus e-clencheye, that his notions were mere insommary Bovis, and his words
little better than an ennemywerrybor'em. With this he appeared
satisfied, and I resumed my contemplations.
It might have been half an hour after this altercation when,
as I was deeply absorbed in the heavenly scenery beneath me, I
was startled by something very cold which pressed with a gentle
pressure upon the back of my neck. It is needless to say that I
felt inexpressibly alarmed. I knew that Pompey was beneath
my feet, and that Diana was sitting, according to my explicit
directions, upon her hind legs in the farthest corner of the room.
What could it be? Alas! I but too soon discovered. Turning
my head gently to one side, I perceived, to my extreme horror,
that the huge, glittering, scimetar-like minute-hand of the clock,
had, in the course of its hourly revolution, descended upon my
n.dlc. There was, I knew, not a second to be lost. I pulled
back at once-but it was too late. There was no chance of
forcing my head through the mouth of that terrible trap in which
it was so fairly caught, and which grew narrower and narrower
with a rapidity too horrible to be conceived. The agony of that
moment is not to be imagined. I threw up my hands and endea.





A PREDICAMENT.


247


voted, with all my strength, to force upward the ponderous iron
bar. I might as well have tried to lift the cathedral itself.
Down, down, down it came, closer and yet closer. I screamed
to Pompey for aid: but he said. that I had hurt his feelings by
calling him " an ignorant old squint eye."  I yelled to Diana;
but she only said "bow-wow-wow," and that " I had told her on
no account to stir from the corner."  Thus I had no relief to
expect from my associates.
Meantime the ponderous and terrific Scythe of Time (for I
now discovered the literal import of that classical phrase) had
not stopped, nor was it likely to stop, in its career. Down and
still down, it came. It had already buried its sharp edge a full
inch in my flesh, and my sensations grew indistinct and confused.
At one time I fancied myself in Philadelphia with the stately
Dr. Moneypenny, at another in the back parlor of Mr. Blackwood receiving his invaluable instructions. And then again the
sweet recollection of better and earlier times came over me,
and I thought of that happy period when the world was not all
a desert, and Pompey not altogether cruel.
The ticking of the machinery amused me. Amused me, I
say, for my sensations now bordered upon perfect happiness, and
the most trifling circumstances afforded me pleasure. The eternal
click-clack, click-clack, click-clack, of the clock was the most
melodious of music in my ears, and occasionally even put me in
mind of the grateful sermonic harangues of Dr. Ollapod. Then
there were the great figures upon the dial-plate-how intelligent,
how intellectual, they all looked! And presently they took to
dancing the Mazurka, and I think it was the figure V who performed the most to my satisfaction. She was evidently a lady
of breeding. None of your swaggerers, and nothing at all indelicate in her motions. She did the pirouette to admirationwhirling round upon her apex. I made an endeavor to hand
her a chair, for I saw that she appeared fatigued with her exertions-and it was not until then that I fully perceived my
lamentable situation. Lamentable indeed! The bar had buried
itself two inches in my neck. I was aroused to a sense of exquisite pain. I prayed for death, and, in the agony of the mo




948


A PREDIUAMENT.


ment, could not help repeating those exquisite verses of the
poet Miguel De Cervantes:
Vanny Buren, tan escondida
Query no te senty venny
Pork and pleasure, delly morry
Nommy, torny, darry, widdy!
But now a new horror presented itself, and one indeed sufficient to startle the strongest nerves. My eyes, from the cruel
pressure of the machine, were absolutely starting from their
sockets. While I was thinking how I should possibly manage
without them, one actually tumbled out of my head, and, rolling
down the steep side of the steeple, lodged in the rain gutter
which ran along the eaves of the main building. The loss of
the eye was not so much as the insolent air of independence and
contempt with which it regarded me after it was out. There it
lay in the gutter just under my nose, and the airs it gave itself
would have been ridiculous had they not been disgusting. Such
a winking and blinking were never before seen. This behavior
on the part of my eye in the gutter was not only irritating on
account of its manifest insolence and shameful ingratitude, but
was also exceedingly inconvenient on account of the sympathy
which always exists between two eyes of the same head, however far apart. I was forced, in a manner, to wink and to blink,
whether I would or not, in exact concert with the scoundrelly
thing that lay just under my nose. I was presently relieved,
however, by the dropping out of the other eye. In falling it took
the same direction (possibly a concerted plot) as its fellow.
Both rolled out of the gutter together, and in truth I was very
glad to get rid of them.
The bar was now four inches and a half deep in my neck,
and there was only a little bit of skin to cut through. My sensations were those of entire happiness, for I felt that in a few
minutes, at farthest, I should be relieved from my disagreeable
situation. And in this expectation I was not at all deceived. At
twenty-five minutes past five in the afternoon precisely, the
huge minute-hand had proceeded sufficiently far on its terrible
revolution to sever the small remainder of my neck. I was not
sorry to see the head which had occasioned me so much embar




A PREDICAMENT.


249


rassment at length make a final separation from my body. It
first rolled down the side of the steeple, then lodged, for a few
seconds, in the gutter, and then made its way, with a plunge,
into the middle of the street.
I will candidly confess that my feelings were now of the most
singular-nay, of the most mysterious, the most perplexing and
incomprehensible character. My senses were here and there
at one and the same moment. With my head I imagined, at
one time, that I the head, was the real Signora Psyche Zenobia
-at another I felt convinced that myself, the body, was the
proper identity. To clear my ideas upon this topic I felt in my
pocket for my snuff-box, but, upon getting it, and endeavoring
to apply a pinch of its grateful contents in the ordinary manner,
I became immediately aware of my peculiar deficiency, and
threw the box at once down to my head. It took a pinch with
great satisfaction, and smiled me an acknowledgment in return.
Shortly afterwards it made me a speech, which I could hear but
indistinctly without ears. I gathered enough, however, to know
that it was astonished at my wishing to remain alive under such
circumstances. In the concluding sentences it quoted the noble
words of AriostoII pover hommy che non sera corty
And have a combat tenty erry morty;
thus comparing me to the hero who, in the heat of the combat,
not perceiving that he was dead, continued to contest the battle
with inextinguishable valor. There was nothing now to prevent
my getting down from my elevation, and I did so. What it was
that Pompey saw so very peculiar in my appearance I have
never yet been able to find out. The fellow opened his mouth
from ear to ear, and shut his two eyes as if he were endeavoring to crack nuts between the lids. Finally, throwing off his
overcoat, he made one spring for the staircase and disappeared.
I hurled after the scoundrel those vehement words of Demos
thenesAndrew O'Phlerethon, you really make haste tofly,
and then turned to the darling of my heart, to the one-eyed!
the shaggy-haired Diana. Alas! what a horrible vision affront




250                 A PREDICAMENT.
ed my eyes?  Was that a rat I saw skulking into his hole? Are
these the picked bones of the little angel who has been cruelly
devoured by the monster?  Ye Gods! and what do I beholdis that the departed spirit, the shade, the ghost of my beloved
puppy, which I perceive sitting with a grace so melancholy, in
the corner?  Harken! for she speaks, and, heavens! it is in the
German of Schiller" Unt stubby duk, so stubby dun
Duk she! duk she!"
Alas! and are not her words too true?
And if I died at least I died
For thee-for thee.
Sweet creature! she too has sacrificed herself in my behalf.
Dogless, niggerless, headless, what now remains for the unhappy
Signora Psyche Zenobia?  Alas-nothing! I have done.





MYSTIFICATION.
Slid, if these be your " passados" aud "mmontantes,'" Ill have none of them.
NED KNOWLES.
THE Baron Ritzner von Jung was of a noble Hungarian
flmily, every member of which (at least as far back into antiquity as any certain records extend) was more or less remarkable for talent of some description-the majority for that species
of grotesquerie in conception of which Tieck, a scion of the house,
has given some vivid, although by no means the most vivid exemplifications. My acquaintance with Ritzner commenced at the
magnificent Chateau Jung, into which a train of droll adventures,
not to be made public, threw me during the summer months of
the year 18-. Here it was I obtained a place in his regard,
and here, with somewhat more difficulty, a partial insight into
his mental conformation. In later days this insight grew more
clear, as the intimacy which had at first permitted it became
more close; and when, after three years separation, we met at
G-    n, I knew all that it was necessary to know of the character of the Baron Ritzner Von Jung.
I remember the buzz of curiosity which his advent excited
within the college precincts on the night of the twenty-fifth of
June. I remember still more distinctly, that while he was pronounced by all parties at first sight "the most remarkable man
in the world," no person made any attempt at accounting for this
opinion. That he was unique appeared so undeniable, that it was
deemed impertinent to inquire wherein the uniquity consisted.
But, letting this matter pass for the present, I will merely observe that, from the first moment of his setting foot within the
limits of the university, he began to exrcise over the habits, man




25r


MYSTIFICATION.


ners, persons, purses, and propensities of the whole community
which surrounded him, an influence the most extensive and despotic, yet at the same time the most indefinitive and altogether
unaccountable. Thus the brief period of his residence at the
university forms an era in its annals, and is characterized by all
classes of people appertaining to it or its dependencies as " that
very extraordinary epoch forming the domination of the Baron
Ritzner Von Jung."
Upon his advent to G----n, he sought me out in my apartments. He was then of no particular age, by which I mean that
it was impossible to form a guess respecting his age by any data
personally afforded. He might have been fifteen or fifty, and
was twenty-one years and seven months. He was by no means
a handsome man-perhaps the reverse. The contour of his face
was somewhat angular and harsh. His forehead was lofty and
very fair; his nose a snub; his eyes large, heavy, glassy and
meaningless. About the mouth there was more to be observed.
The lips were gently protruded, and rested the one upon the
other after such fashion that it is impossible to conceive any,
even the most complex, combination of human features, conveying so entirely, and so singly, the idea of unmitigated gravity,
solemnity and repose.
It will be perceived, no doubt, from what I have already said,
that the Baron was one of those human anomalies now and then
to be found, who make the science of mystification the study and
the business of their lives. For this science a peculiar turn of
mind gave him instinctively the cue, while his physical appearance afforded him unusual facilities for carrying his projects into
effect. I firmly believe that no student at G- n, during that
renowned epoch so quaintly termed the domination of the Baron
Ritzner Von Jung, ever rightly entered into the mystery which
overshadowed his character. I truly think that no person at the
university, with the exception of myself, ever suspected him to
be capable of a joke, verbal or practical:-the old bull-dog at the
garden-gate would sooner have been accused,-the ghost of
IJeraclitus,-or the wig of the Emeritus Professor of Theology.
This, too, when it was evident that the most egregious and unpardonable of all conceivable tricks, whimsicalities and buffoon





MYSTIFICATION.


253


eries were brought about, if not directly by him, at least plainly
through his intermediate agency or connivance. The beauty, if
I may so call it, of his art mystifique, lay in that consummate
ability (resulting from an almost intuitive knowledge of human
nature, and a most wonderful self-possession,) by means of which
he never failed to make it appear that the drolleries he was occupied in bringing to a point, arose partly in spite, and partly in
consequence of the laudable efforts he was making for their prevention, and for the preservation of the good order and dignity
of Alma Mater. The deep, the poignant, the overwhelming
mortification, which upon each such failure of his praiseworthy
endeavors, would suffuse every lineament of his countenance, left
not the slightest room for doubt of his sincerity in the bosoms of
even his most skeptical companions. The adroitness, too, was no
less worthy of observation by which he contrived to shift the
sense of the grotesque from the creator to the created-from his
own person to the absurdities to which he had given rise. In
no instance before that of which I speak, have I known the habitual mystific escape the natural consequence of his manoeuvres-an attachment of the ludicrous to his own character
and person. Continually enveloped in an atmosphere of whim,
my friend appeared to live only for the severities of society; and
not even his own household have for a moment associated other
ideas than those of the rigid and august with the memory of the
Baron Ritzner Von Jung.
During the epoch of his residence at G--- n it really appeared that the demon of the dolce far niente lay like an incubus
upon the university. Nothing at least, was done, beyond eating
and drinking, and making merry. The apartments of the students were converted into so many pot-houses, and there was no
pot-house of them all more famous or more frequented than that
of the Baron. Our carousals here were many, and boisterous,
and long, and never unfruitful of events.
Upon one occasion we had protracted our sitting until nearly
daybreak, and an unusual quantity of wine had been -drunk.
The company consisted of seven or eight individuals besides the
Baron and myself. Most of these were young men of wealth, of
high connection, of great family pride, and all alive with an





254


MYSTIFICATION.


exaggerated sense of honor. They abounded in the most ultra
German opinions respecting the duello. To these Quixotic
notions some recent Parisian publications, backed by three or
four desperate, and fatal rencontres at G- n, had given new
vigor and impulse; and thus the conversation, during the greater
part of the night, had run wild upon the all-engrossing topic of
the times. The Baron, who had been unusually silent and abstracted in the earlier portion of the evening, at length seemned
to be aroused from his apathy, took a leading part in the discourse, and dwelt upon the benefits, and more especially upon
the beauties, of the received code of etiquette in passages of arms
with an ardor, an eloquence, an impressiveness, and an affectionateness of manner, which elicited the warmest enthusiasm from
his hearers in general, and absolutely staggered even myself, who
well knew him to be at heart a ridiculer of those very points for
which he contended, and especially to hold the entire fanftronade
of dueling etiquette in the sovereign contempt which it deserves.
Looking around me during a pause in the Baron's discourse,
(of which my readers may gather some faint idea when I say
that it bore resemblance to the fervid, chanting, monotonous, yet
musical, sermonic manner of Coleridge,) I perceived symptoms of
even more than the general interest in the countenance of one of the
party. This gentleman, whom I shall call Hermann, was an
original in every respect-except, perhaps, in the single particu
lar that he was a very great fool. He contrived to bear, however,
among a particular set at the university, a reputation for deep
metaphysical thinking, and, I believe, for some logical talent. As
a duelist he had acquired great renown, even at G---n. I
forget the precise number of victims who had fallen at his hands;
but they were many. He was a man of courage undoubtedly.
But it was upon his minute acquaintance with the etiquette of
the duello, and the nicety of his sense of honor, that he most especially prided himself. These things were a hobby which he rode
to the death. To Ritzner, ever upon the look-out for the grotesque., his peculiarities had for a long time past afforded food for
mystification. Of this, however, I was not aware; although, in
the present instance, I saw clearly that something of a whimsical





MYSTIFICATION.


255


nature was upon the tapis with my friend, and that Hermann
was its especial object.
As the former proceeded in his discourse, or rather monologue,
I perceived the excitement of the latter momently increasing.
At length he spoke; offering some objection to a point insisted
upon by R., and giving his reasons in detail. To these the
Baron replied at length (still maintaining his exaggerated tone
of sentiment) and concluding, in what I thought very bad taste,
with a sarcasm and a sneer. The hobby of Hermann now took
the bit in his teeth. This I could discern by the studied hairsplitting farrago of his rejoinder. His last words I distinctly
remember. "Your opinions, allow me to say, Baron Von Jung,
although in the main correct, are, in many nice points, discreditable to yourself and to the university of which you are a member. In a few respects they are even unworthy of serious refutation. I would say more than this, sir, were it not for the fear
of giving you offence (here the speaker smiled blandly,) I would
say, sir, that your opinions are not the opinions to be expected
from a gentleman."
As Hermann completed this equivocal sentence, all eyes were
turned upon the Baron. He became pale, then excessively red;
then, dropping his pocket-handkerchief, stooped to recover it,
when I caught a glimpse of his countenance, while it could be
seen by no one else at the table. It was radiant with the quizzical expression which was its natural character, but which I
had never seen it assume except when we were alone together,
and when he unbent himself freely. In an instant afterward he
stood erect, confronting Hermann; and so total an alteration of
countenance in so short a period I certainly never saw before.
For a moment I even fancied that I had misconceived him, and that
he was in sober earnest. He appeared to be stifling with pas.
sion, and his face was cadaverously white. For a short time he
remained silent, apparently striving to master his emotion.
Having at length seemingly succeeded, he reached a decanter
which stood near him, saying as he held it firmly clenched"The language you have thought proper to employ, Mynheer
Hermann, in addressing yourself to me, is objectionable in so many
particulars, that I have neither temper nor time for specifica




256


MYSTIFICATION.


tion. That my opinions, however, are not the opinions to be
expected from a gentleman, is an observation   so directly
offensive as to allow me but one line of conduct. Some courtesy,
nevertheless, is due to the presence of this company, and to
yourself, at this moment, as my guest. You will pardon me,
therefore, if, upon this consideration, I deviate slightly from the
general usage among gentlemen in similar cases of personal affront. You will forgive me for the moderate tax I shall make
upon your imagination, and endeavor to consider, for an instant,
the reflection of your person in yonder mirror as the living Mynheer Hermann himself. This being done, there will be no difficulty whatever. I shall discharge this decanter of wine at your
image in yonder mirror, and thus fulfil all the spirit, if not the
exact letter, of resentment for your insult, while the necessity of
physical violence to your real person will be obviated."
With these words he hurled the decanter, full of wine, against
the mirror which hung directly opposite Hermann; striking the
reflection of his person with great precision, and of course shattering the glass into fragments. The whole company at once
started to their feet, and, with the exception of myself and Ritzner, took their departure. As Hermann went out, the Baron
whispered me that I should follow him and make an offer of my
services. To this I agreed; not knowing precisely what to make
of so ridiculous a piece of business.
The duelist accepted my aid with his stiff and ultra recherche
air, and, taking my arm, led me to his apartment. I could hardly
forbear laughing in his face while he proceeded to discuss, with
the profoundest gravity, what he termed " the refinedly peculiar
character" of the insult he had received. After a tiresome
harangue in his ordinary style, he took down from his bookshelves a number of musty volumes on the subject of the duello,
and entertained me for a long time with their contents; reading
aloud, and commenting earnestly as he read. I can just remember the titles of some of the works. There were the " Ordonnance of Philip le Bel on Single Combat;" the "Theatre of
Honor," by Favyn, and a treatise " On the Permission of Duels,"
by Andiguier. He displayed, also, with much pomposity, Bran'ome's " Memoirs of Duels," published at Cologne, in 1666, in





MYSTIFICATION.


257


the types of Elzevir-a precious and unique vellum-paper
volume, with a fine margin, and bound by Der6me. But he requested my attention particularly, and with an air of mysterious
sagacity, to a thick octavo, written in barbarous Latin by one
Hedelin, a Frenchman, and having the quaint title, " Duelli Lex
Scripta, et non; aliterque."  From this he read me one of the
drollest chapters in the world concerning " Iujzric per applicationem, per constructionem, et per se," about half of which, he
averred, was strictly applicable to his own " refinedly peculiar"
case, although not one syllable of the whole matter could I understand for the life of me. Having finished the chapter, he
closed the book, and demanded what I thought necessary to be
done. I replied that I had entire confidence in his superior delicacy of feeling, and would abide by what he proposed. With
this answer he seemed flattered, and sat down to write a note to
the Baron. It ran thus:
SIR,-My friend, M. P-, will hand you this note. I find
it incumbent upon me to request, at your earliest convenience, an
explanation of this evening's occurrences at your chambers. In
the event of your declining this request, Mr. P. will be happy to
arrange, with any friend whom you may appoint, the steps preliminary to a meeting.
With sentiments of perfect respect,
Your most humble servant,
JOHAN HERMANN.
To the Baron Ritzner Von Jung,
August 18th, 18-.
Not knowing what better to do, I called upon Ritzner with
this epistle. He bowed as I presented it; then, with a grave
countenance, motioned me to a seat. Having perused the cartel,
he wrote the following reply, which I carried to Hermann.
SIR,
Through our common friend, Mr. P., I have received your
note of this evening. Upon due reflection I frankly admit the
propriety of the explanation you suggest. This being admitted,
I still find great difficulty, (owing to the refinedly peculiar nature
VoL. IV.-  7





258


MYSTIFICATION.


of our disagreement, and of the personal affront offered on my
part,) in so wording what I have to say by way of apology, as to
meet all the minute exigencies, and all the variable shadows of
the case. I have great reliance, however, on that extreme delicacy of discrimination, in matters appertaining to the rules of
etiquette, for which you have been so long and so pre-eminently
distinguished. With perfect certainty, therefore, of being comprehended, I beg leave, in lieu of offering any sentiments of my
own, to refer you to the opinions of the Sieur Hedelin, as set
forth in the ninth paragraph of the chapter of " Injuria per applicationem, per constructionem, et per se," in his " Duelli Lex
scripta, et non; aliterque." The nicety of your discernment in all
the matters here treated, will be sufficient, I am assured, to convince you that the mere circumstance of me referring you to this
admirable passage, ought to.satisfy your request, as a man of
honor, for explanation.
With sentiments of profound respect,
Your most obedient servant,
VON JUNS.
The Herr Johan Hermann.
August 18th, 18-.
Hermann commenced the perusal of this epistle with a scowl,
which, however, was converted into a smile of the most ludicrous
self-complacency as he came to the rigmarole about Injurice per
applicationem, per constructionem, et per se. Having finished
reading, he begged me, with the blandest of all possible smiles,
to be seated, while he made reference to the treatise in question.
Turning to the passage specified, he read it with great care to
himself, then closed the book, and desired me, in my character
of confidential acquaintance, to express to the Baron Von Jung
his exalted sense of his chivalrous behavior, and, in that of
second, to assure him that the explanation offered was of the
fullest, the most honorable, and the most unequivocally satisfactory nature.
Somewhat amazed at all this, I made my retreat to the Baron.
HIe seemed to receive Hermann's amicable letter as a matter of
course, and after a few words of general conversation, went to





MYSTIFICATION.


259


an inner room and brought out the everlasting treatise " Duelli
Lex scripta, et non; aliterque."  He handed me the volume and
asked me to look over some portion of it. I did so, but to little
purpose, not being able to gather the least particle of meaning.
He then took the book himself, and read me a chapter aloud.
To my surprise, what he read proved to be a most horribly absurd account of a duel between two baboons. He now explained
the mystery; showing that the volume, as it appeared prima facie, was written upon the plan of the nonsense verses of Du
Bartas; that is to say, the language was ingeniously framed so
as to present to the ear all the outward signs of intelligibility,
and even of profundity, while in fact not a shadow of meaning
existed. The key to the whole was found in leaving out every
second and third word alternately, when there appeared a series
of ludicrous quizzes upon a single combat as practised in modern
times.
The Baron afterwards informed me that he had purposely
thrown the treatise in Hermann's way two or three weeks before
the adventure, and that he was satisfied, from the general tenor
of his conversation, that he had studied it with the deepest attention, and firmly believed it to be a work of unusual merit. Upon
this hint he proceeded. Hermann would have died a thousand
deaths rather than acknowledge his inability to understand anything and everything in the universe that had ever been written
about the duello,





X-ING A PARAGRAB.
As it is well known that the "wise men" came " from the East,'
and as Mr. Touch-and-go Bullet-head came from the East, it
follows that Mr. Bullet-head was a wise man; and if collateral
proof of the matter be needed, here we have it-Mr. B. was an
editor. Irascibility was his sole foible; for in fact the obstinacy
of which men accused him was anything but his foible, since he
justly considered it his forte. It was his strong point-his virtue; and it would have required all the logic of a Brownson to
convince him that it was " anything else."
I have shown that Touch-and-go Bullet-Head was a wise
man; and the only occasion on which he did not prove infallible, was when, abandoning that legitimate home for all wise men,
the East, he migrated to the city of Alexander-the-Great-o-nopolis,
or some place of a similar title, out West.
I must do him the justice to say, however, that when he made
up his mind finally to settle in that town, it was under the impression that no newspaper, and consequently no editor, existed
in that particular section of the country. In establishing " The
Tea-Pot," he expected to have the field all to himself. I feel
confident he never would have dreamed of taking up his residence in Alexander-the-Great-o-nopolis, had he been aware that,
in Alexander-the-Great-o-nopolis, there lived a gentleman named
John Smith (if I rightly remember), who, for many years, had
there quietly grown fat in editing and publishing the " Alexander-the-Great-o-nopolis Gazette." It was solely, therefore, on
account of having been misinformed, that Mr. Bullet-head found





X-ING A PARAGRAB.


261


himself in Alex-  suppose we call it Nopolis, " for short"-but,
as he did find himself there, he determined to keep up his character for obst- for firmness, and remain. So remain he did; and
he did more; he unpacked his press, type, etc., etc., rented an
office exactly opposite to that of the " Gazette," and, on the third
morning after his arrival, issued the first number of " The
Alexan"- that is to say, of " The Nopolis Tea-Pot:"-as nearly
as I can recollect, this was the name of the new paper.
The leading article, I must admit, was brilliant-not to say
severe. It was especially bitter about things in general-and as
for the editor of " The Gazette," he was torn all to pieces in
particular. Some of Bullet-head's remarks were really so fiery
that I have always, since that time, been forced to look upon
John Smith, who is still alive, in the light of a salamander. I
cannot pretend to give all the Tea-pot's paragraphs verbatim, but
one of them run thus:
" Oh, yes!-Oh we perceive! Oh, no doubt! The editor
over the way is a genius-O, my! Oh, goodness, gracious!what is this world coming to?  Oh, tempora  0i, Moses!"
A philippic at once so caustic and so classical, alighted like a
bombshell among the hitherto peaceful citizens of Nopolis.
Groups of excited individuals gathered at the corners of the
streets. Every one awaited, with heartfelt anxiety, the reply of
the dignified Smith. Next morning it appeared, as follows:
" We quote from 'The Tea-Pot' of yesterday the subjoined
paragraph:-' Oh, yes! Oh, we perceive! Oh, no doubt! Oh,
my! Oh, goodness!   Oh, tempora! Oh, Moses!' Why, the
fellow is all 0! That accounts for his reasoning in a circle, and
explains why there is neither beginning nor end to him, nor to
anything that he says. We really do not believe the vagabond
can write a word that hasn't an 0 in it. Wonder if this O-ing is
a habit of his? By-the-by, he came away from Down-East in a
great hurry. Wonder if he O's as much there as he does here?
0 O! it is pitiful.'"
The indignation of Mr. Bullet-head at these scandalous insinuations, I shall not attempt to describe. On the eel-skinning
principle, however, he did not seem to be so much incensed at
the attack upon his integrity as one might have imagined. It





262


X-ING A PARAGRAB.


was the sneer at his style that drove him to desperation. What!he Touch-and-go-Bullet-head!-not able to write a word without
an 0 in it! He would soon let the jackanapes see that he was
mistaken. Yes I he would let him see how much he was mistaken, the puppy! He, Touch-and-go Bullet-head, of Frogpondium, would let Mr. John Smith perceive that he, Bullet-head,
could indite, if it so pleased him, a whole paragraph-ay  a
whole article-in which that contemptible vowel should not
once-not even once-make its appearance. But no;-that would
be yielding a point to the said John Smith. He, Bullet-head,
would make no alteration in his style, to suit the caprices of any
Mr. Smith in Christendom. Perish so vile a thought! The O
forever! He would persist in the 0. He would be as O-wy as
O-wy could be.
Burning with the chivalry of this determination, the great
Touch-and-go, in the next " Tea-Pot," came out merely with this
simple but resolute paragraph, in reference to this unhappy
affair:
" The editor of the ' Tea-Pot' has the honor of advising the
editor of ' The Gazette' that he, (the ' Tea-Pot,') will take an
opportunity in to-morrow morning's paper, of convincing him,
(the ' Gazette,') that he, (the ' Tea-Pot,') both can and will be
his own master, as regards style;-he (the ' Tea-pot') intending
to show him, (the ' Gazette,') the supreme, and indeed the
withering contempt with which the criticism of him, (the ' Gazette,') inspires the independent bosom of him, (the ' Tea-Pot,')
by composing for the especial gratification (?) of him, (the
' Gazette,') a leading article, of some extent, in which the beautiful vowel-the emblem of Eternity-yet so inoffensive to the
hyper-exquisite delicacy of him, (the ' Gazette,') shall most certainly not be avoided by his (the' Gazette's') most obedient,
humble servant, the ' Tea-pot.' ' So much for Buckingham!'"
In fulfilment of the awful threat thus darkly intimated rather
than decidedly enunciated, the great Bullet-head, turning a deaf
ear to all entreaties for " copy," and simply requesting his foreman to " go to the d-- l," when he (the foreman) assured him
(the " Tea-pot!") that it was high time to " go to press:" turning a
deaf ear to everything, I say, the great Bullet-head sat up until





X-ING A PARAGRAB.


263


day-break, consuming the midnight oil, and absorbed in the composition of the really unparalleled paragraph, which follows:
" So ho, John! how now? Told you so, you know. Don't
crow, another time, before you're out of the woods! Does youf
mother know you're out? Oh, no, no!-so go home at once, now,
John, to your odious old woods of Concord! Go home to your
woods, old owl,-go! You wont? Oh, popoh,oh, John, don't do
so! You've got to go, you know! So go at once, and don't go
slow; for nobody owns you here, you know. Oh, John, John, if
you don't go you're no homo-no! You're only a fowl, an owl;
a cow, a sow; a doll, a poll; a poor, old, good-for-nothing-tonobody, log, dog, hog, or frog, come out of a Concord bog. Cool,
now-cool! Do be cool, you fool! None of your crowing, old
cock! Don't frown so-don't! Don't hollo, nor howl, nor
growl, nor bow-wow-wow! Good Lord, John, how you do look!
Told you so, you know-but stop rolling your goose of an old
poll about so, and go and drown your sorrows in a bowl!"
Exhausted, very naturally, by so stupendous an effort, the
great Touch-and-go could attend to nothing farther that night.
Firmly, composedly, yet with an air of conscious power, he
handed his MS. to the devil in waiting, and then, walking leisurely home, retired, with ineffable dignity, to bed.
Meantime the devil to whom the copy was entrusted, ran up
stairs to his " case," in an unutterable hurry, and forthwith made
a commencement at " setting" the MS. " up."
In the first place, of course,-as the opening word was " So"he made a plunge into the capital S hole and came out in triumph with a capital S. Elated by this success, he immediately
threw himself upon the little-o box with a blindfold impetuosity-but who shall describe his horror when his fingers came up
without the anticipated letter in their clutch? who shall paint his
astonishment and rage at perceiving, as he rubbed his knuckles,
that he had been only thumping them to no purpose, against the
bottom of an empty box. Not a single little-o was in the little-o
hole; and, glancing fearfully at the capital-O partition, he found
that, to his extreme terror, in a precisely similar predicament.
Awe-stricken, his first impulse was to jush to the foreman.
" Sir!" said he, gasping for breath, " I can't never set up nothing without no o's. "





264


X-ING A PARAGRAB.


" What do you mean by that?" growled the foreman, who was
in a very ill-humor at being kept up so late.
" Why, sir, there beant an o in the office, neither a big un nor
a little un 1"
" What-what the d-1 has become of all that were in the
case?"
" I don't know, sir," said the boy, " but one of them ere G'zette
devils is bin prowling bout here all night, and I spect he's gone
and cabbaged em every one."
" Dod rot him! I haven't a doubt of it," replied the foreman,
getting purple wiTh rage-" but I tell you what you do, Bob, that's
a good boy-you go over the first chance you get and hook every
one of their i's and (d-n them!) their izzards."
"Jist so," replied Bob, with a wink and a frown-" 'll be into
em, I'll let em know a thing or two; but in de meantime, that
ere paragrab? Mus go in to-night, you know-else there'll be
the d-1 to pay, and-"
" And not a bit of pitch hot," interrupted the foreman, with a
deep sigh and an emphasis on the " bit." " Is it a very long paragraph, Bob?"
" Shouldn't call it a wery long paragrab," said Bob.
"i Ah, well, then! do the best you can with it! we must get to
press," said the foreman, who was over head and ears in work;
"just stick in some other letter for o, nobody's going to read the
fellow's trash, any how."
" Very well," replied Bob, " here goes it I" and off he hurried to
his case; muttering as he went-" Considdeble vell, them ere
expressions, perticcler for a man as doesen't swar. So I's to
gouge out all their eyes, eh? and d-  n all their gizzards!
Vell! this here's the chap as is jist able for to do it." The fact
is, that although Bob was but twelve years old and four feet
high, he was equal to any amount of fight, in a small way.
The exigency here described is by no means of rare occurrence in printing-offices; and I cannot tell how to account for it,
but the fact is indisputable, that when the exigency does occur, it
almost always happens that x is adopted as a substitute for the
letter deficient. The true reason, perhaps, is that x is rather the
most superabundant letter in the cases, or at least was so in old





X-ING A PARAGRAB.


265


times-long enough to render the substitution in question an
habitual thing with printers. As for Bob, he would have considered it heretical to employ any other character, in a case of
this kind, than the x to which he had been accustomed.
"I shell have to x this ere paragrab," said he to himself, as he read
it over in astonishment, "but it's jest about the awfulest o-wy
paragrab I ever did see:" so x it he did, unflinchingly, and to
press it went x-ed.
Next morning the population of Nopolis were taken all aback
by reading, in "The Tea-pot," the following extraordinary
leader:
" Sx hx, Jxhn! hxw nxw! Txld yxu sx, yxu knxw. Dxn't
crxw, anxther time, befxre yxu're xut xf the wxxds! Dxes
yxur mxther knxw yxu're xut? Xh, nx, nx! sx gx hxme at
xnce, nxw, Jxhn, tx yxur xdixus xld wxxds xf Cxncxrd! Gx
hxme tx yxur wxxds, xld xwl,-gx! Yxu wxnt? Xh, pxh,
pxh, Jxhn, dxnt dx sx! Yxu've gxt tx gx, yxu knxw! sx gx at
xnce, and dxn't gx slxw; fxr nxbxdy xwns yxu here, yxu knxw.
Xh, Jxhn, Jxhn, if yxu dxn't gx yxu're nx hxnmx-nx! Yxu'rc
xnly a fxwl, an xwl; a cxw, a sxw; a dxll, a pxll; a pxxr xld
gxxd-fxr-nxthing-tx-nxbxdy lxg, dxg, hxg, xr frxg, cxme xut xf
a Cxncxrd bxg. Cxxl, nxw-cxxl! Dx be cxxl, yxu fxxl!
Nxne xf yxur crxwing, xld cxck! Dxn't frxwn sx-dxn't!
Dxn't hxllx, nxr hxwl, nxr grxwl, nxr bxw-wxw-wxw! Gxxd
Lxrd, Jxhn, hxw yxu dx lxxk! Txld yxu sx, yxu knxw, but
stxp rxlling yxur gxxse xf an xld pxll abxut sx, and gx and
drxwn yxur sxrrxws in a bxwl!"
The uproar occasioned by this mystical and cabalistical article,
is not to be conceived. The first definite idea entertained by the
populace was, that some diabolical treason lay concealed in the
hieroglyphics; and there was a general rush to Bullet-head's
residence, for the purpose of riding him on a rail; but that gentleman was nowhere to be found. He had vanished, no one
could tell how; and not even the ghost of him has ever been seen
since.
Unable to discover its legitimate object, the popular fury at
length subsided; leaving behind it, by way of sediment, quite a
medley of opinion about this unhappy affair.





266


X-ING A PARAGRAB.


One gentleman thought the whole an X-ellent joke.
Another said that, indeed, Bullet-head had shown much X-uberance of fancy.
A third admitted him X-entric, but no more.
A fourth could only suppose it the Yankee's design to X-press,
in a general way, his X-asperation.
" Say, rather, to set an X-ample to posterity," suggested a
fifth.
That Bullet-head had been driven to an extremity, was clear
to all; and in fact, since that editor could not be found, there was
some talk about lynching the other one.
The more common conclusion, however, was, that the affair
was, simply, X-traordinary and in-X-plicable. Even the town
mathematician confessed that he could make nothing of so dark
a problem. X, everybody knew, was an unknown quantity; but
in this case (as he properly observed), there was an unknown
quantity of X.
The opinion of Bob, the devil (who kept dark "about his
having X-ed the paragrab"), did not meet with so much attention as I think it deserved, although it was very openly and very
fearlessly expressed. He said that, for his part, he had no doubt
about the matter at all, that it was a clear case, that Mr. Bullethead never could be persvaded fur to drink like other folks, but
vas continually a-svigging o' that ere blessed XXX ale, and, as
a naiteral consekvence, it just puffed him up savage, and made
him X (cross) in the X-treme.'





DIDDLING
CONSIDERED AS ONE OF THE EXACT SCIENCES.
Hey, diddle diddle,
The cat and the fiddle.
SINCE the world began there have been two Jeremys. The
one wrote a Jeremiad about usury, and was called Jeremy Bentham. He has been much admired by Mr. John Neal, and was
a great man in a small way. The other gave name to the most
important of the Exact Sciences, and was a great man in a great
way-I may say, indeed, in the very greatest of ways.
Diddling-or the abstract idea conveyed by the verb to diddle
-is sufficiently well understood. Yet the fact, the deed, the thing
diddling, is somewhat difficult to define. We may get, however,
at a tolerably distinct conception of the matter in hand, by defining-not the thing, diddling, in itself-but man, as an animal
that diddles. Had Plato but hit upon this, he would have been
spared the affront of the picked chicken.
Very pertinently it was demanded of Plato, why a picked
chicken, which was clearly a " biped without feathers," was not,
according to his own definition, a man? But I am not to be
bothered by any similar query. Man is an animal that diddles,
and there is no animal that diddles but man. It will take an
entire hen-coop of picked chickens to get over that.
What constitutes the essence, the nare, the principle of diddling is, in fact, peculiar to the class of creatures that wear coats
and pantaloons. A crow thieves; a fox cheats; a weasel outwits; a man diddles. To diddle is his destiny. "1Man was
made to mourn," says the poet. But not so:-he was made to
diddle. This is his aim-his object-his end. And for this reason when a man's diddled we say he's " done."





268     DIDDLING CONSIDERED AS ONE OF


Diddling, rightly considered, is a compound, of which the
ingredients are minuteness, interest, perseverance, ingenuity,
audacity, nonchaclance, originality, impertinence, and grin.
Minuteness:-Your diddler is minute. His operations are
upon a small scale. His business is retail, for cash, or approved
paper at sight. Should he ever be tempted into magnificent
speculation, he then, at once, loses his distinctive features, and
becomes what we term " financier."  This latter word conveys
the diddling idea in every respect except that of magnitude. A
diddler may thus be regarded as a banker in petto-a " financial
operation," as a diddle at Brobdignag. The one is to the other,
as Homer to " Flaccus"-as a Mastodon to a mouse-as the tail
of a comet to that of a pig.
Interest:-Your diddler is guided by self-interest. He scorns
to diddle for the mere sake of the diddle. He has an object in
view-his pocket-and yours. He regards always the main
chance. He looks to Number One. You are Number Two,
and must look to yourself.
Perseverance:-Your diddler perseveres. He is not readily
discouraged. Should even the banks break, he cares nothing
about it. He steadily pursues his end, and
Ut canis a corio nunquam absterrebitur unco,
so he never lets go of his game.
Ingenuity:-Your diddler is ingenious. He has constructiveness large. He understands plot. He invents and circumvents.
Were he not Alexander he would be Diogenes. Were he not a
diddler, he would be a maker of patent rat-traps or an angler
for trout.
Audacity:-Your diddler is audacious.-He is a bold man.
He carries the war into Africa. He conquers all by assault.
He would not fear the daggers of the Frey Herren. With a
little more prudence Dick Turpin would have made a good diddler; with a trifle less blarney, Daniel O'Connell; with a pound
or two more brains, Charles the Twelfth.
Nonchalance:-Your diddler is nonchalant. He is not at all
nervous. He never had any nerves. He is never seduced into
a flurry. lHe is never put out-unless put out of doors. He is





THE EXACT SCIENCES.


209


cool-cool as a cucumber. He is calm-" calm as a smile from
Lady Bury."   He is easy-easy as an old glove, or the damsels of ancient Baire.
Originality:-Your diddler is original-conscientiously so.
His thoughts are his own. He would scorn to employ those of
another. A stale trick is his aversion. He would return a
purse, I am sure, upon discovering that he had obtained it by
an unoriginal diddle.
Impertinence:-Your diddler is impertinent. He swaggers.
He sets his arms a-kimbo. He thrusts his hands in his trowsers'
pockets. He sneers in your face. He treads on your corns.
He eats your dinner, he dinks your wine, he borrows your
money, he pulls your nose, he kicks your poodle, and he kisses
your wife.
Grin:-Your true diddler winds up all with a grin. But this
nobody sees but himself. He grins when his daily work is done
-when his allotted labors are accomplished-at night in his own
closet, and altogether for his own private entertainment. He
goes home. He locks his door. He divests himself of his
clothes. He puts out his candle. He gets into bed. He places
his head upon the pillow. All this done, and your diddler grins.
This is no hypothesis.  It is a matter of course. I reason
a priori, and a diddle would be no diddle without a grin.
The origin of the diddle is referrible to the infancy of the
Human Race. Perhaps the first diddler was Adam. At all
events, we can trace the science back to a very remote period
of antiquity. The moderns, however, have brought it to a perfection never dreamed of by our thick-headed progenitors.
Without pausing to speak of the " old saws," therefore, I shall
content myself with a compendious account of some of the more
" modern instances."
A very good diddle is this. A housekeeper in want of a sofa,
for instance, is seen to go in and out of several cabinet warehouses. At length she arrives at one offering an excellent variety. She is accosted, and invited to enter, by a polite and
voluble individual at the door. She finds a sofa well adapted
to her views, and, upon inquiring the price, is surprised and delighted to hear a sum named at least twenty per cent lower





270     DIDDLING CONSIDERED AS ONE OF


than her expectations. She hastens to make the purchase, gets a
bill and receipt, leaves her address, with a request that the article be sent home as speedily as possible, and retires amid a profusion of bows from the shop-keeper. The night arrives and
no sofa. The next day passes, and still none. A servant is
sent to make inquiry about the delay. The whole transaction
is denied. No sofa has been sold-no money received-except
by the diddler, who played shop-keeper for the nonce.
Our cabinet warehouses are left entirely unattended, and thus
afford every facility for a trick of this kind. Visiters enter,
look at furniture, and depart unheeded and unseen. Should any
one wish to purchase, or to inquire the price of an article, a bell
is at hand, and this is considered amply sufficient.
Again, quite a respectable diddle is this. A well-dressed
individual enters a shop; makes a purchase to the value of a
dollar; finds, much to his vexation, that he has left his pocketbook in another coat pocket; and so says to the shop-keeper" My dear sir, never mind!-just oblige me, will you, by
sending the bundle home?   But stay! I really believe that I
have nothing less than a five dollar bill, even there. However,
you can send four dollars in change with the bundle, you know."
" Very good, sir," replies the shop-keeper, who entertains, at
once, a lofty opinion of the high-mindedness of his customer.
" I know fellows," he says to himself, " who would just have
put the goods under their arm, and walked off with a promise to
call and pay the dollar as they came by in the afternoon."
A boy is sent with the parcel and change. On the route, quite
accidentally, he is met by the purchaser, who exclaims:
" Ah! this is my bundle, I see-I thought you had been
home with it, long ago. Well, go on! My wife, Mrs. Trotter,
will give you the five dollars-I left instructions with her to
that effect. The change you might as well give to me-I shall
want some silver for the Post Office. Very good! One, two,
is this a good quarter?-three, four-quite right! Say to 3Mrs.
Trotter that you met me, and be sure now and do not loiter on
the way."
The boy does't loiter at all-but he is a very long time in getring back from his errand-for no lady of the precise name of





THE EXACT SCIENCES.


271


Mrs. Trotter is to be discovered. He consoles himself, however,
that he has not been such a fool as to leave the goods without
the money, and re-entering his shop with a self-satisfied air,
feels sensibly hurt and indignant when his master asks him what
has become of the change.
A very simple diddle, indeed, is this. The captain of a ship
which is about to sail, is presented by an official looking person,
with an unusually moderate bill of city charges.. Glad to get off
so easily, and confused by a hundred duties pressing upon him
all at once, he discharges the claim forthwith. In about fifteen
minutes, another and less reasonable bill is handed him by one
who soon makes it evident that the first collector was a diddler,
and the original collection a diddle.
And here, too, is a somewhat similar thing. A steamboat is
casting loose from the wharf. A traveller, portmanteau in hand,
is discovered running towards the wharf at full speed. Suddenly,
he makes a dead halt, stoops, and picks up something from the
ground in a very agitated manner. It is a pocket-book, and"Has any gentleman lost a pocket-book?" he cries. No one can
say that he has exactly lost a pocket-book; but a great excitement ensues, when the treasure trove is found to be of value.
The boat however, must not be detained.
"Time and tide wait for no man," says the captain.
" For God's sake, stay only a few minutes," says the finder of
the book-" the true claimant will presently appear."
" Can't wait!" replies the man in authority; " cast off there, d'ye
hear?"
"What am I do?" asks the finder, in great tribulation. " I
am about to leave the country for some years, and I cannot conscientiously retain this large amount in my possession. I beg
your pardon, sir," [here he addreses a gentleman on shore,] " but
you have the air of an honest man.  Will you confer upon me
the favor of taking charge of this pocket-book-I know I can
trust you-and of advertising it? The notes, you see, amount
to a very considerable sum. The owner will, no doubt, insist
upon rewarding you for your trouble-"
" Me!-no, you /-it was you who found the book."
A Well, if you must-have it so-I will take a small reward




272        DIDDLING CONSIDERED AS ONE OF
just to satisfy your scruples. Let me see--why these notes are
all hundreds-bless my soul! a hundred is too much to takefifty would be quite enough, I am sure-"
" Cast off there!" says the captain.
" But then I have no change for a hundred, and upon the
whole, you had better-"
" Cast off there!" says the captain.
"Never mind!" cries the gentlemen on shore, who has been
examining his own pocket-book for the last minute or so-" never
mind! I can fix it-here is a fifty on the Bank of North America-throw me the book."
And the over-conscientious finder takes the fifty with marked
reluctance, and throws the gentleman the book, as desired, while
the steamboat fumes and fizzes on her way. In about half an
hour after her departure, the "large amount" is seen to be a
"' counterfeit presentment," and the whole thing a capital diddle.
A bold diddle is this. A camp-meeting, or something similar,
is to be held at a certain spot which is accessible only by means
of a free bridge. A diddler stations himself upon this bridge, respectfully informs all passers by of the new county law, whicl
establishes a toll of one cent for foot passengers, two for horses
and donkeys, and so forth, and so forth. Some grumble but all
submit, and the diddler goes home a wealthier man by some fifty
or sixty dollars well earned. This taking a toll from a great
crowd of people is an excessively troublesome thing.
A neat diddle is this. A friend holds one of the diddler's
promises to pay, filled up and signed in due form, upon the ordinary blanks printed in red ink. The diddler purchases one or
two dozen of these blanks, and every day dips one of them in his
soup, makes his dog jump for it, and finally gives it to him as a
bonne bouc]he. The note arriving at maturity, the diddler, with
the diddler's dog, calls upon the friend, and the promise to pay is
made the topic of discussion. The friend produces it from his
escritoire, and is in the act of reaching it to the diddler, when up
jumps the diddler's dog and devours it forthwith. The diddler is
not only surprised but vexed and incensed at the absurd behavior
of his dog, and expresses his entire readiness to cancel the obli




THE EXACT SCIENCES.


273


gation at any moment when the evidence of the obligation shall
be forthcoming.
A very minute diddle is this. A lady is insulted in the street
by a diddler's accomplice. The diddler himself flies to her
assistance, and, giving his friend a comfortable thrashing, insists
upon attending the lady to her own door. He bows, with his
hand upon his heart, and most respectfully bids her adieu. She
entreats him, as her deliverer, to walk in and be introduced to
her big brother and her papa. With a sigh, he declines to do so.
"Is there no way, then, sir," she murmurs, " in which I may be
permitted to testify my gratitude?"
"Why, yes, madam, there is. Will you be kind enough to
lend me a couple of shillings?"
In the first excitement of the moment the lady decides upon
fainting outright. Upon second thought, however, she opens her
purse-strings and delivers the specie. Now this, I say, is a diddle minute-for one entire moiety of the sum borrowed has to
be paid to the gentleman who had the trouble of performing the
insult, and who had then to stand still and be thrashed for performing it.
Rather a small, but still a scientific diddle is this. The diddler
approaches the bar of a tavern, and demands a couple of twists
of tobacco. These are handed to him, when, having slightly
examined them, he says:
" 1 don't much like this tobacco. Here, take it back, and give
me a glass of brandy and water in its place."
The brandy and water is furnished and imbibed, and the diddler makes his way to the door. But the voice of the tavernkeeper arrests him.
" I believe, sir, you have forgotten to pay for your brandy and
water."
" Pay for my brandy and water!-didn't I give you the tobacco for the brandy and water? What more would you have?"
" But sir, if you please, I don't remember that you paid for
the tobacco."
" What do you mean by that, you scoundrel?-Didn't I give
you back your tobacco? Isn't that your tobacco lying there? Do
you expect me to pay for what I did not take?"
VOL. IV.-1 8





274         DIDDLING CONSIDERED AS ONE OF
&" But, sir," says the publican, now rather at a loss what to say,
" but sir-"
1" But me no buts, sir," interrupts the diddler, apparently in
very high dudgeon, and slamming the door after him, as he makes
his escape.-" But me no buts, sir, and none of your tricks upon
travellers."
Here again is a very clever diddle, of which the simplicity is
not its least recommendation. A purse, or pocket-book, being
really lost, the loser inserts in one of the daily papers of a large
city a fully descriptive advertisement.
Whereupon our diddler copies the facts of this advertisement,
with a change of heading, of general phraseology, and address.
The original, for instance, is long, and verbose, is headed "A
Pocket-Book Lost 1" and requires the treasure, when found, to be
left at No. 1 Tom street. The copy is brief, and being headed
with 1" Lost" only, indicates No. 2 Dick, or No. 3 HaI-Irry street, as
the locality at which the owner may be seen. Moreover, it is
inserted in at least five or six of the daily papers of the day,
while in point of time, it makes its appearance only a few hours
after the original. Should it be read by the loser of the purse,
he would hardly suspect it to have any reference to his own misfortune. But, of course, the chances are five or six to one, that
the finder will repair to the address given by the diddler, rather
than to that pointed out by the rightful proprietor. The former
pays the reward, pockets the treasure and decamps.
Quite an analogous diddle is this. A lady of ton has dropped,
somewhere in the street, a diamond ring of very unusual value.
I or its recovery, she offers some forty or fifty dollars rewardgiving, in her advertisement, a very minute description of the
gem, and of its settings, and declaring that, upon its restoration
to No. so and so, in such and such Avenue, the reward will be
paid instanter, without a single question being asked. During
the lady's absence from home, a day or two afterwards, a ring is
heard at the door of No. so and so, in such and such Avenue; a
servant appears; the lady of the house is asked for and is declared to be out, at which astounding information, the visitor
expresses the most poignant regret. His business is of importance and'concerns the lady herself. In fact; he had the good





THE EXA1i SCIENCES.


275


fortune to find her diamond ring. But, perhaps it would be as
well that he should call again. " By no means!" says the servant; and " By no means!" says the lady's sister and the lady's
sister-in-law, who are summoned forthwith. The ring is clamorously identified, the reward is paid, and the finder nearly thrust
out of doors. The lady returns, and expresses some little
dissatisfaction with her sister and sister-in-law, because they
happen to have paid forty or fifty dollars for a fac-simile of her
diamond ring-a fac-simile made out of real pinchbeck and
unquestionable paste.
But as there is really no end to diddling, so there would be
none to this essay, were I even to hint at half the variations, or
inflections, of which this science is susceptible. I must bring
this paper, perforce, to a conclusion, and this I cannot do better
than by a summary notice of a very decent, but rather elaborate
diddle, of which our own city was made the theatre, not very long
ago, and which was subsequently repeated with success, in other
still more verdant localities of the Union. A middle-aged gentleman arrives in town from parts unknown. He is remarkably
precise, cautious, staid, and deliberate in his demeanor. His
dress is scrupulously neat, but plain, unostentatious. He wears
a white cravat, an ample waistcoat, made with an eye to comfort
alone; thick-soled cosy-looking shoes, and pantaloons without
straps. He has the whole air, in fact, of your well-to-do, sobersided, exact, and respectable " man of business," par excellenceone of the stern and outwardly hard, internally soft, sort of
people that we see in the crack high comedies-fellows whose
words are so many bonds, and who are noted for giving away
guineas, in charity, with the one hand, while, in the way of mere
bargain, they exact the uttermost fraction of a farthing with the
other.
He makes much ado before he can get suited with a boardinghouse. He dislikes children. He has been accustomed to quiet.
His habits are methodical-and then he would prefer getting into
a private and respectable small family, piously inclined. Terms,
however, are no object-only he must insist upon settling his bill
on the first of every month, (it is now the second) and begs his
landlady, when he finally obtailns one to his mind, not on any





276     DIDDLING CONSIDERED AS ONE OF


account to forget his instructions upon this point-but to send in
a bill, and receipt, precisely at ten o'clock, on the first day of
every month, and under no circumstances to put it off to the
second.
These arrangements made, our man of business rents an office
in a reputable rather than in a fashionable quarter of the town.
There is nothing he more despises than pretence. " Where there
is much show," he says, " there is seldom anything very solid
behind"-an observation which so profoundly impresses his landlady's fancy, that she makes a pencil memorandum of it forthwith,
in her great family Bible, on the broad margin of the Proverbs
of Solomon.
The next step is to advertise, after some such fashion as this,
in the principal business sixpennies of this city-the pennies are
eschewed as not " respectable"-and as demanding payment for all
advertisements in advance. Our man of business holds it as a
point of his faith that work should never be paid for until done.
WANTED.-The advertisers, being about to commence extensive business operations in this city, will require the services of
three or four intelligent and competent clerks, to whom a liberal
salary will be paid. The very best recommendations, not so
much for capacity, as for integrity, will be expected. Indeed, as
the duties to be performed, involve high responsibilities, and
large amounts of money must necessarily pass through the hands
of those engaged, it is deemed advisable to demand a deposit of
fifty dollars from each clerk employed. No person need apply,
therefore, who is not prepared to leave this sum in the possession
of the advertisers, and who cannot furnish the most satisfactory
testimonials of morality. Young gentlemen piously inclined will
be preferred. Application should be made between the hours of
ten and eleven, A. M., and four and five, P. M., of Messrs.
BOGS, HocG, LOGS, FROGS, & Co.
No. 110 Dog Street.
By the thirty-first day of the month, this advertisement has
brought to the office of Messrs. Bogs, Hogs, Logs, Frogs and
Company, some fifteen or twenty young gentlemen piously in




THE EXACT SCIENCES.


277


dined. But our man of business is in no hurry to conclude a
contract with any-no man of business is ever precipitate-and
it is not until the most rigid catechism in respect to the piety of
each young gentleman's inclination, that his services are engaged
and his fifty dollars receipted for, just by way of proper precaution,
on the part of the respectable firm of Bogs, Hogs, Logs, Frogs,
and Company. On the morning of the first day of the next
month, the landlady does not present her bill, according to promise-a piece of neglect for which the comfortable head of the
house ending in ogs, would no doubt have chided her severely,
could he have been prevailed upon to remain in town a day or
two for that purpose.
As it is, the constables have had a sad time of it, running
hither and thither, and all they can do is to declare the man of
business most emphatically, a " hen knee high"-by which some
persons imagine them to imply that, in fact, he is n. e. i.-by
which again the very classical phrase non est inventus, is supposed
to be understood. In the meantime the young gentlemen, one
and all, are somewhat less piously inclined than before, while the
landlady purchases a shilling's worth of the best Indian rubber,
and very carefully obliterates the pencil memorandum that some
fool has made in her great family Bible, on the broad margin of
the Proverbs of Solomon.





THE ANGEL.OF THE ODD.
AN EXTRAVAGANZA.
IT was a chilly November afternoon. I had just consummated an unusually hearty dinner, of which the dyspeptic truf'e
formed not the least important item, and was sitting alone in the
dining-room, with my feet upon the fender, and at my elbow a
small table which I had rolled up to the fire, and upon which
were some apologies for dessert, with some miscellaneous bottles
of wine, spirit and liqueur. In the morning I had been reading
Glover's " Leonidas," Wilkie's " Epigoniad," Lamartine's " Pilgrimage," Barlow's " Columbiad," Tuckerman's " Sicily," and
Griswold's " Curiosities;" I am willing to confess, therefore, that
I now felt a little stupid. I made effort to arouse myself by aid
of frequent Lafitte, and, all failing, I betook myself to a stray
newspaper in despair. Having carefully perused the column of
"houses to let," and the column of " dogs lost," and then the two
columns of " wives and apprentices runaway," I attacked with
great resolution the editorial matter, and, reading it from beginning to end without understanding a syllable, conceived the possibility of its being Chinese, and so re-read it from the end to
the beginning, but with no more satisfactory result. I was about
throwing away, in disgust.
This folio of four pages, happy work
Which not even critics criticise,
when I felt my attention somewhat aroused by the paragraph
which follows
"The avenues to death are numerous and strange. A London
paper mentions the decease of a person from a singular cause.
HIe wa, playing at 'puff the dart,' which is played with a long
needle inserted in some worsted, and blown at a target through





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279


a tin tube. He placed the needle at the wrong end of the tube,
and drawing his breath strongly to puff the dart forward with
force, drew the needle into his throat. It entered the lungs, and
in a few days killed him."
Upon seeing this I fell into a great rage, without exactly
knowing why. "This thing," I exclaimed, "is a contemptible
falsehood-a poor hoax-the lees of the invention of some pitiable penny-a-liner-of some wretched concoctor of accidents in
Cocaigne. These fellows, knowing the extravagant gullibility
of the age, set their wits to work in the imagination of improbable possibilities-of odd accidents, as they term them; but to a
reflecting intellect (like mine," I added, in parenthesis, putting
my forefinger unconsciously to the side of my nose,) "to a contemplative understanding such as I myself possess, it seems evident at once that the marvellous increase of late in these 'odd
accidents' is by far the oddest accident of all. For my own
part, I intend to believe nothing henceforward that has anything
of the 'singular' about it."
"Mein Gott, den, vat a vool you bees for dat!' replied one
of the most remarkable voices I ever heard. At first I took it
for a rumbling in my ears-such as a man sometimes experiences when getting very drunk-but, upon second thought, I considered the sound as more nearly resembling that which proceeds
from an empty barrel beaten with a big stick; and, in fact, this
I should have concluded it to be, but for the articulation of the
syllables and words. I am by no means naturally nervous, and
the very few glasses of Lafitte which I had sipped served to
embolden me a little, so that I felt nothing of trepidation, but
merely uplifted my eyes with a leisurely movement, and looked
carefully around the room for the intruder. I could not, however, perceive any one at all.
" Humph!" resumed the voice, as I continued my survey,
"' you mus pe so dronk as de pig, den, for not zee me as I zit
here at your zide."
Hereupon I bethought me of looking immediately before my
nose, and there, sure enough, confronting me at the table sat a
personage nondescript, although not altogether indescribable.
His body was a wine-pipe, or a rum-puncheon, or something of





280


THE ANGEL OF THE ODD.


that character, and had a truly Falstaffian air. In its nether
extremity were inserted two kegs, which seemed to answer all
the purposes of legs. For arms there dangled from the upper
portion of the carcass two tolerably long bottles, with the necks
outward for hands. All the head that I saw the monster possessed
of was one of those Hessian canteens which resemble a large
snuff-box with a hole in the middle of the lid. This canteen
(with a funnel on its top, like a cavalier cap slouched over the
eyes) was set on edge upon the puncheon, with the hole toward
myself; and through this hole, which seemed puckered up like
the mouth of a very precise old maid, the creature was emitting
certain rumbling and grumbling noises which he evidently intended for intelligible talk.
"I zay," said he, " you mos pe dronk as de pig, vor zit dare
and not zee me zit ere; and I zay, doo, you mos pe pigger vool
as de goose, vor to dispelief vat iz print in de print. 'Tiz de
troof-dat it iz-eberry vord ob it."
" Who are you, pray?" said I, with much dignity, although
somewhat puzzled; " how did you get here? and what is it you
are talking about?"
"As vor ow I com'd ere," replied the figure, " dat iz none of
your pizziness; and as vor vat I be talking apout, I be talk apout
vat I tink proper; and as vor who I be, vy dat is de very ting I
com'd here for to let you zee for yourzelf."
"You are a drunken vagabond," said I, " and I shall ring the
bell and order my footman to kick you into the street."
" He! he! he!" said the fellow, "hu! hu! hu! dat you can't
do."
" Can't do!" said I, " what do you mean?-I can't do what?"
" Ring de pell;" he replied, attempting a grin with his little
villanous mouth.
Upon this I made an effort to get up, in order to put my threat
into execution; but the ruffian just reached across the table very
deliberately, and hitting me a tap on the forehead with the neck
of one of the long bottles, knocked me back into the arm-chaih
from which I had half arisen. I was utterly astounded; and,
for a moment, was quite at a loss what to do. In the meantime,
he continued his talk.





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281


" You zee," said he, "it iz te bess vor zit still; and now you
shall know who I pe. Look at me! zee! I am te Angel ov te
Odd."
"And odd enough, too," I ventured to reply; " but I was
always under the impression that an angel had wings."
"CTe wing!" he cried, highly incensed, " vat I pe do mit te
wing?   Mein Gott! do you take me vor a shicken?"
" No-oh no!" I replied, much alarmed, " you are no chicken
-certainly not."
" Well, den, zit still and pehabe yourself, or I'll rap you again
mid me vist. It iz te shicken ab te wing, und te owl ab te wing,
und te imp ab te wing, und te head-teuffel ab te wing. Te angel
ab not te wing, and I am te Angel ov te Odd."
" And your business with me at present is-is""My pizzness!" ejaculated the thing, ' vy vat a low bred
buppy you mos pe vor to ask a gentleman und an angel apout
his pizziness!"
This language was rather more than I could bear, even from
an angel; so, plucking up courage, I seized a salt-cellar which
lay within reach, and hurled it at the head of the intruder.
Either he dodged, however, or my aim was inaccurate; for all I
accomplished was the demolition of the crystal which protected
the dial of the clock upon the mantel-piece. As for the Angel,
he evinced his sense of my assault by giving me two or three
hard consecutive raps upon the forehead as before. These reduced me at once to submission, and I am almost ashamed to confess
that either through pain or vexation, there came a few tears into
my eyes.
"Mein Gott!" said the Angel of the Odd, apparently much
softened at my distress; "mein Gott, te man is eder ferry dronk
or ferry zorry. You mos not trink it so strong-you mos put te
water in te wine. Here, trink dis, like a goot veller, und don't
gry now-don't!"
Hereupon the Angel of the Odd replenished my goblet (which
was about a third full of Port) with a colorless fluid that he
poured from one of his hand bottles. I observed that these
bottles had labels about their necks, and that these labels were
inscribed " Kirschenwasser."





282


THE ANGEL OF THE ODD.


The considerate kindness of the Angel mollified me in no little
measure; and, aided by the water with which he diluted my
Port more than once, I at length regained sufficient temper to
listen to his very extraordinary discourse. I cannot pretend to
recount all that he told me, but I gleaned from what he said that
he was the genius who presided over the contretemps of mankind,
and whose business it was to bring about the odd accidents which
are continually astonishing the skeptic. Once or twice, upon my
venturing to express my total incredulity in respect to his pretensions, he grew very angry indeed, so that at length I considered it the wiser policy to say nothing at all, and let him have his
own way.   He talked on, therefore, at great length, while I
merely leaned back in my chair with my eyes shut, and amused
myself with munching raisins and filliping the stems about the
room. But, by-and-by, the Angel suddenly construed this behavior of mine into contempt. He arose in a terrible passion,
slouched his funnel down over his eyes, swore a vast oath, uttered a threat of some character which I did not precisely comprehend, and finally made me a low bow and departed, wishing me,
in the language the archbishop in Gil-Blas, ' "beaucoup de bonheur et un peu plus de bon sens."
His departure afforded me relief. The very few glasses of
Lafitte that I had sipped had the effect of rendering me drowsy,
and I felt inclined to take a nap of some fifteen or twenty
minutes, as is my custom after dinner. At six I had an appointment of consequence, which it was quite indispensable that I
should keep. The policy of insurance for my dwelling house
had expired the day before; and, some dispute having arisen, it
was agreed that, at six, I should meet the board of directors of the
company and settle the terms of a renewal. Glancing upward
at the clock on the mantel-piece, (for I felt too drowsy to take
out my watch), I had the pleasure to find that I had still twentyfive minutes to spare. It was half past five; I could easily
walk to the insurance office in five minutes; and my usual
siestas had never been known to exceed five and twenty. I felt
sufficiently safe, therefore, and composed myself to my slumbers
forthwith.
Having completed them to my satisfaction, I again looked





THE ANGEL OF THE ODD.


283


toward the time-piece and was half inclined to believe in the
possibility of odd accidents when I found that, instead of my
ordinary fifteen or twenty minutes, I had been dozing only three;
for it still wanted seven and twenty of the appointed hour. I
betook myself again to my nap, and at length a second time
awoke, when, to my utter amazement, it still wanted twentyseven minutes of six. I jumped up to examine the clock, and
found that it had ceased running. My watch informed me that
it was half past seven; and, of course, having slept two hours,
I was too late for my appointment. " It will make no difference,"
I said: "I can call at the office in the morning and apologize;
in the meantime what can be the matter with the clock?" Upon
examining it I discovered that one of the raisin stems which I
been filliping about the room during the discourse of the Angel
of the Odd, had flown through the fractured crystal, and lodging,
singularly enough, in the key-hole, with an end projecting outward, had thus arrested the revolution of the minute hand.
" Ah!" said I, " I see how it is. This thing speaks for itself.
A natural accident, such as will happen now and then!"
I gave the matter no further consideration, and at my usual
hour retired to bed. Here, having placed a candle upon a reading stand at the bed head, and having made an attempt to peruse
some pages of the " Omnipresence of the Deity," I unfortunately
fell asleep in less than twenty seconds, leaving the light burning
as it was.
My dreams were terrifically disturbed by visions of the Angel of
the Odd. Methought he stood at the foot of the couch, drew aside the
curtains, and, in the hollow, detestable tones of a rum puncheon,
menaced me with the bitterest vengeance for the contempt with
which I had treated him. IHe concluded a long harangue by
taking off his funnel-cap, inserting the tube into my gullet, and
thus deluging me with an ocean of Kirschenwasser, which he
poured, in a continuous flood, from one of the long necked
bottles that stood him instead of an arm. My agony was at
length insufferable, and I awoke just in time to perceive that a
rat had run off with the lighted candle from the stand, but not
in season to prevent his making his escape with it through the
Lole. Very soon, a strong suffocating odor assailed my nostrils;





284


THE ANGEL OF THLE JDD.


the house, I clearly perceived, was on fire. In a few minutes
the blaze broke forth with violence, and in an incredibly brief
period the entire building was wrapped in flames. All egress
from my chamber, except through a window, was cut off. The
crowd, however, quickly procured and raised a long ladder. By
means of this I was descending rapidly, and in apparent safety,
when a huge hog, about whose rotund stomach, and indeed about
whose whole air and physiognomy, there was something which
reminded me of the Angel of the Odd-when this hog, I
say, which hitherto had been quietly slumbering in the mud,
took it suddenly into his head that his left shoulder needed
scratching, and could find no more convenient rubbing-post than
that afforded by the foot of the ladder. In an instant I was
precipitated and had the misfortune to fracture my arm.
This accident, with the loss of my insurance, and with the
more serious loss of my hair, the whole of which had been
singed off by the fire, predisposed me to serious impressions, so
that, finally, I made up my mind to take a wife. There was a
rich widow disconsolate for the loss of her seventh husband, and
to her wounded spirit I offered the balm oP my vows. She
yielded a reluctant consent to my prayers. I knelt at her feet
in gratitude and adoration. She blushed and bowed her luxuriant tresses into close contact with those supplied me, temporarily, by Grandjean. I know not how the entanglement took
place, but so it was. I arose with a shining pate, wigless; she
in disdain and wrath, half buried in alien hair. Thus ended
my hopes of the widow by an accident which could not have
been anticipated, to be sure, but which the natural sequence
of events had brought about.
Without despairing, however, I undertook the siege of a less
implacable heart. The fates were again propitious for a brief
period; but again a trivial incident interfered. Meeting my
betrothed in an avenue thronged with the elite of the city, I was
hastening to greet her with one of my best considered bows,
when a small particle of some foreign matter, lodging in the
corner of my eye, rendered me, for the moment, completely
blind. Before I could recover my sight, the lady of my love
had disappeared-irreparably affronted at what she chose to





THE ANGEL OF THE ODD.


285


consider my premeditated rudeness in passing her by ungreeted.
While I stood bewildered at the suddenness of this accident,
(which might have happened, nevertheless, to any one under the
sun), and while I still continued incapable of sight, I was accosted by the Angel of the Odd, who proffered me his aid with
a civility which I had no reason to expect. He examined my
disordered eye with much gentleness and skill, informed me that
I had a drop in it, and (whatever a "drop" was) took it out, and
afforded me relief.
I now considered it high time to die, (since fortune had so
determined to persecute me), and accordingly made my way to
the nearest river. Here, divesting myself of my clothes, (for
there is no reason why we cannot die as we were born), I threw
myself headlong into the current; the sole witness of my fate
being a solitary crow that had been seduced into the eating of
brandy-saturated corn, and so had staggered away from his
fellows. No sooner had I entered the water than this bird took it
into his head to fly away with the most indispensable portion of
my apparel. Postponing, therefore, for the present, my suicidal
design, I just slipped my nether extremities into the sleeves of
my coat, and betook myself to a pursuit of the felon with all the
nimbleness which the case required and its circumstances
would admit. But my evil destiny attended me still. As I ran
at full speed, with my nose up in the atmosphere, and intent
only upon the purloiner of my property, I suddenly perceived
that my feet rested no longer upon terra-firma; the fact is, I had
thrown myself over a precipice, and should inevitably have been
dashed to pieces but for my good fortune in grasping the end of
a long guide-rope, which depended fi-om a passing balloon.
As soon as I sufficiently recovered my senses to comprehend
the terrific predicament in which I stood or rather hung, I exerted all the power of my lungs to make that predicament known
to the,eronaut overhead.  But for a long time I exerted
myself in vain. Either the fool could not, or the villain would
not perceive me. Meantime the machine rapidly soared, while
my strength even more rapidly failed. I was soon upon the
point of resigning myself to my fate, and dropping quietly into
the sea, when my spirits were suddenly revived by hearing a





2863


THE ANGEL OF THE ODD.


hollow voice from above, which seemed to be lazily humming an
opera air. Looking up, I perceived the Angel of the Odd. lie
was leaning with his arms folded, over the rim of the car; and
with a pipe in his mouth, at which he puffed leisurely, seemed to
be upon excellent terms with himself and the universe. I was
too much exhausted to speak, so I merely regarded him with an
imploring air.
For several minutes, although he looked me full in the face,
he said nothing. At length removing carefully his meerschaum
from the right to the left corner of his mouth, he condescended to
speak.
" Who pe you," he asked, " und what der teuffel you pe do
dare?"
To this piece of impudence, cruelty and affectation, I could
reply only by ejaculating the monosyllable " Help!"
" Elp!" echoed the ruffian-" not I. Dare iz te pottle-elp
yourself, und pe tam'd!"
With these words he let fall a heavy bottle of Kirschenwasser
which, dropping precisely upon the crown of my head, caused
me to imagine that my brains were entirely knocked out. Impressed with this idea, I was about to relinquish my hold and
give up the ghost with a good grace, when I was arrested by the
cry of the Angel, who bade me hold on.
"Old on!" he said; " don't pe in te urry-don't! Will you
pe take de odder pottle, or ave you pe got zober yet and come to
your zenzes?"
I made haste, hereupon, to nod my head twice-once in the
negative, meaning thereby that I would prefer not taking the
other bottle at present-and once in the affirmative, intending
thus to imply that I was sober and had positively come to my
senses. By these means I somewhat softened the Angel.
"Und you pelief, ten," he inquired, "at te last? You pelief,
ten, in te possibility of te odd?"
I again nodded my head in assent.
" Und you ave pelief in me, te Angel of te Odd?"
I nodded again.
"Und you acknowledge tat you pe te blind dronk und te
vool?"





THE ANGEL OF THE ODD.


281


I nodded once more.
" Put your right hand into your left hand preeches pocket, ten,
in token ov your vull zubmizzion unto te Angel ov te Odd."
This thing, for very obvious reasons, I found it quite impossible to do. In the first place, my left arm had been broken in
my fall from the ladder, and, therefore, had I let go my hold
with the right hand, I must have let go altogether. In the
second place, I could have no breeches until I came across the
crow. I was therefore obliged, much to my regret, to shake my
nead in the negative-intending thus to give the Angel to underEtand that I found it inconvenient, just at that moment, to comply
with his very reasonable demand! No sooner, however, had I
ceased shaking my head than" Go to der teuffel, ten!" roared the Angel of the Odd.
In pronouncing these words, he drew a sharp knife across the
guide-rope by which I was suspended, and as we then happened
to be precisely over my own house, (which, during my peregrinations, had been handsomely rebuilt,) it so occurred that I
tumbled headlong down the ample chimney and alit upon the
dining-room hearth.
Upon coming to my senses, (for the fall had very thoroughly
stunned me,) I found it about four o'clock in the morning. I lay
outstretched where I had fallen from the balloon. My head
grovelled in the ashes of an extinguished fire, while my feet reposed upon the wreck of a small table, overthrown, and amid the
fragments of a miscellaneous dessert, intermingled with a newspaper, some broken glasses and shattered bottles, and an empty
jug of the Schiedam Kirschenwasser. Thus revenged himself
the Angel of the Odd.





MELLONTA TAUTA.
ON BOARD BALLOON "SKYLARK," April 1, 2848.
Now, my dear friend-now, for your sins, you are to suffer the
infliction of a long gossiping letter. I tell you distinctly that I
am going to punish you for all your impertinences by being as
tedious as discursive, as incoherent and as unsatisfactory as possible. Besides, here I am, cooped up in a dirty balloon, with
some one or two hundred of the canaille, all bound on a pleasure
excursion, (what a funny idea some people have of pleasure!)
and I have no prospect of touching terra firma for a month at
least. Nobody to talk to. Nothing to do. When one has
nothing to do, then is the time to correspond with one's friends.
You perceive, then, why it is that I write you this letter-it is
on account of my ennui and your sins.
Get ready your spectacles and make up your mind to be annoyed. I mean to write at you every day during this odious
voyage.
Heigho! when will any Invention visit the human pericranium?
Are we forever to be doomed to the thousand inconveniences of
the balloon?  Will nobody contrive a more expeditious mode of
progress? This jog-trot movement, to my thinking, is little less
than positive torture. Upon my word we have not made more
than a hundred miles the hour since leaving home! The very
birds beat us-at least some of them. I assure you that I do
not exaggerate at all. Our motion, no doubt, seems slower than
it actually is-this on account of our having no objects about us
by which to estimate our velocity, and on account of our going





MELLONTA TAUTA.


289


with the wind. To be sure, whenever we meet a balloon we
have a chance of perceiving our rate, and then, I admit, things
do not appear so very bad. Accustomed as I am to this mode
of travelling, I cannot get over a kind of giddiness whenever a
balloon passes us in a current directly overhead. It always
seems to me like an immense bird of prey about to pounce upon
us and carry us off in its claws. One went over us this morning
about sunrise, and so nearly overhead that its drag-rope actually
brushed the net-work suspending our car, and caused us very
serious apprehension. Our captain said that if the material of
the bag had been the trumpery varnished " silk" of five hundred
or a thousand years ago, we should inevitably have been damaged.
This silk, as he explained it to me, was a fabric composed of the
entrails of a species of earth-worm. The worm was carefully fed
on mulberries-a kind of fruit resembling a water-melon-and,
when sufficiently fat, was crushed in a mill. The paste thus
arising was called papyrus in its primary state, and  ent through
a variety of processes until it finally became " silk."  Singular to
relate, it was once much admired as an article of female dress!
Balloons were also very generally constructed from it. A better
kind of material, it appears, was subsequently found in the down
surrounding the seed-vessels of a plant vulgarly called czph1orliurn, and at that time botanically termed milk-weed. This latter
kind of silk was designated as silk-buckingham, on account of its
superior durability, and was usually prepared for use by being
varnished with a solution of gum caoutchouc-a substance which
in some respects must have resembled the gutta percha now in
common use. This caoutchouc was occasionally called India rubber or rubber of whist, and was no doubt one of the numerous
fungi. Never tell me again that I am not at heart an antiquarian.
Talking of drag-ropes-our own, it seems, has this moment
knocked a man overboard from one of the small magnetic propellers that swarm in ocean below us-a boat of about six
thousand tons, and, from  all accounts, shamefully crowded.
These diminutive barques should be prohibited from carrying
more than a definite number of passengers. The man, of course,
was not permitted to get on board again, and was soon out of
VOL. IV.-19





290


MELLONTA TAUTA.


sight, he and his life-preserver. I rejoice, my dear friend, that
we live in an age so enlightened that no such a thing as an individual is supposed to exist. It is the mass for which the true
Humanity cares. By-the-by, talking of Humanity, do you know
that our immortal Wiggins is not so original in his views of the
Social Condition and so forth, as his cotemporaries are inclined
to suppose? Pundit assures me that the same ideas were put;
nearly in the same way, about a thousand years ago, by an Irish
philosopher called Furrier, on account of his keeping a retail
shop for cat peltries and other furs. Pundit knows, you know;
there can be no mistake about it. How very wonderfully do we
see verified every day, the profound observation of the Hindoo
Aries Tottle (as quoted by Pundit)-" Thus must we say that,
not once or twice, or a few times, but with almost infinite repetitions, the same opinions come round in a circle among men."
April 2.-Spoke to-day the magnetic cutter in charge of the
middle section of floating telegraph wires. I learn that when
this species of telegraph was first put into operation by Horse, it
was considered quite impossible to convey the wires over sea;
but now we are at a loss to comprehend where the difficulty lay!
So wags the world. Tempora mutantur-excuse me for quoting
the Etruscan. What would we do without the Atlantic telegraph?  (Pundit says Atlantic was the ancient adjective.)  We
lay to a few minutes to ask the cutter some questions, and learned,
among other glorious news, that civil war is raging in Afi-icia,
while the plague is doing its good work beautifully both in Yurope
and Ayesher. Is it not truly remarkable that, before the magnificent light shed upon philosophy by Humanity, the world was
accustomed to regard War and Pestilence as calamities? Do
you know that prayers were actually offered up in the ancient
temples to the end that these evils (!) might not be visited upon
mankind? Is it not really difficult to comprehend upon what
principle of interest our forefathers acted? Were they so blind
as not to perceive that the destruction of a myriad of individuals is
only so much positive advantage to the mass
April 3.-It is really a very fine amusement to ascend the
rope-ladder leading to the summit of the balloon-bag and thence
survey the surrounding world. From the car below, you know





MELLONTA TAUTA.


291


the prospect is not so comprehensive-you can see little vertically.
But seated here (where I write this) in the luxuriously-cushioned
open piazza of the summit, one can see everything that is going
on in all directions. Just now, there is quite a crowd of balloons
in sight, and they present a very animated appearance, while the
air is resonant with the hum of so many millions of human voices.
I have heard it asserted that when Yellow or (as Pundit will
have it) Violet, who is supposed to have been the first eronaut,
maintained the practicability of traversing the atmosphere in all
directions, by merely ascending or descending until a favorable
current was attained, he was scarcely hearkened to at all by his
cotemporaries, who looked upon him as merely an ingenious sort
of madman, because the philosophers (!) of the day declared the
thing impossible. Really now it does seem to me quite unaccountable how anything so obviously feasible could have escaped
the sagacity of the ancient savans. But in all ages the great
obstacles to advancement in Art have been opposed by the socalled men of science. To be sure, our men of science are not
quite so bigoted as those of old:-oh, I have something so queer
to tell you on this topic. Do you know that it is not more than
a thousand years ago since the metaphysicians consented to relieve the people of the singular fancy that there existed but two
possible roads for the attainment of Truth! Believe it if you can!
It appears that long, long ago, in the night of Time, there lived
a Turkish philosopher (or Hindoo possibly) called Aries Tottle.
This person introduced, or at all events propagated what was
termed the deductive or h priori mode of investigation. He
started with what he maintained to be axioms or " self-evident
truths," and thence proceeded "logically" to results. His greatest disciples were one Neuclid and one Cant. Well, Aries Tottle
flourished supreme until the advent of one Hog, surnamed the
" Ettrick Shepherd," who preached an entirely different system,
which he called the a posteriori or inductive. His plan referred
altogether to Sensation. He proceeded by observing, analyzing
and classifying facts-instantice naturce, as they were affectedly
called-into general laws. Aries Tottle's mode, in a word. was
based on noumena; Hog's on phenomena. Well, so great was
the admiration excited by this latter system that, at its first intro




292


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duction, Aries Tottle fell into disrepute; but finally he recovered
ground and was permitted to divide the realm of Truth with his
more modern rival. The savans now maintained that the Aris.
totelian and Baconian roads were the sole possible avenues tc
knowledge. " Baconian," you must know, was an adjective in
vented as equivalent to Hog-ian and more euphonious and
dignified.
Now, my dear friend, I do assure you, most positively, that 1
represent this matter fairly, on the soundest authority; and you
can easily understand how a notion so absurd on its very face
must have operated to retard the progress of all true knowledge-which makes its advances almost invariably by intuitive
bounds. The ancient idea confined investigation to crawling;
and for hundreds of years so great was the infatuation about Iog
especially, that a virtual end was put to all thinking properly so
called. No man dared utter a truth to which he felt himself indebted to his Soul alone. It mattered not whether the truth was
even demonstrably a truth, for the bullet-headed savans of the
time regarded only the road by which he had attained it. They
would not even look at the end. " Let us see the means," they
cried, " the means!" If, upon investigation of the means, it was
found to come neither under the category Aries (that is to say
Ram) nor under the category Hog, why then the savans went no
farther, but pronounced the "theorist" a fool, and would have
nothing to do with him or his truth.
Now, it cannot be maintained, even, that by the crawling system the greatest amount of truth would be attained in any long
series of ages, for the repression of imagination was an evil not
to be compensated for by any superior certainty in the ancient
modes of investigation. The error of these Jurmains, these
Vrinch, these Inglitch and these Amriccans, (the latter, by the
way, were our own immediate progenitors,) was an error quite
analogous with that of the wiseacre who fancies that he must necessarily see an object the better the more closely he holds it to
his eyes. These people blinded themselves by details. When
they proceeded Hoggishly, their " facts" were by means always
facts-a matter of little consequence had it not been for assuming that they were facts and must be facts because they appeared





MELLONTA TAUTA.


293


to be such. When they proceeded on the path of the Ram, their
course was scarcely as straight as a ram's horn, for they never
had an axiom which was an axiom at all. They must have
been very blind not to see this, even in their own day; for even
in their own day many of the long " established" axioms had
been rejected. For example-" Ex nihilo, nihil it;" "a body
cannot act where it is not;" "there cannot exist antipodes;"
"darkness cannot come out of light"-all these, and a dozen
other similar propositions, formerly admitted without hesitation
as axioms, were, even at the period of which I speak, seen to be
untenable. How absurd in these people, then, to persist in
putting faith in " axioms" as immutable bases of Truth! But
even out of the mouths of their soundest reasoners it is easy to
demonstrate the futility, the impalpability of their axioms in general. Who was the soundest of their logicians? Let me see!
I will go and ask Pundit and be back in a minute........ Ah,
here we have it! Here is a book written nearly a thousand
years ago and lately translated from the Inglitch-which, by the
way, appears to have been the rudiment of the Amriccan. Pundit says it is decidedly the cleverest ancient work on its topic,
Logic. The author (who was much thought of in his day) was
one Miller, or Mill; and we find it recorded of him, as a point
of some importance, that he had a mill-horse called Bentham.
But let us glance at the treatise!
Ah!-" Ability or inability to conceive," says Mr. Mill,
very properly, " is in no case to be received as a criterion of
axiomatic truth."  What modern in his senses would ever think of
disputing this truism? The only wonder with us must be, how it
happened that Mr. Mill conceived it necessary even to hint at
any thing so obvious. So far good-but let us turn over another
page. What have we here?-" Contradictories cannot both be
true-that is, cannot co-exist in nature."  Here Mr. Mill means,
for example, that a tree must be either a tree or not a tree-that
it cannot be at the same time a tree and not a tree. Very well;
but I ask him why. His reply is this-and never pretends to be
any thing else than this-" Because it is impossible to conceive that
contradictories can both be true." But this is no answer at all, by his
own showing; for has he not just admitted as a truism that





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" ability or inability to conceive is in no case to be received a. a
criterion of axiomatic truth."
Now I do not complain of these ancients so much because their
logic is, by their own showing, utterly baseless, worthless and
fantastic altogether, as because of their pompous and imbecile
proscription of all other roads of Truth, of all other means for its
attainment than the two preposterous paths-the one of creeping
and the one of crawling-to which they have dared to confine the
Soul that loves nothing so well as to soar.
B-the-by, my dear friend, do you not think it would have puzzled these ancient dogmaticians to have determined by which of
their two roads it was that the most important and most sublime
of all their truths was, in effect, attained? I mean the truth of
Gravitation. Newton owed it to Kepler. Kepler admitted that
his three laws were guessed at-these three laws of all laws
which led the great Inglitch mathematician to his principle, the
basis of all physical principle-to go behind which we must enter
the Kingdom of Metaphysics. Kepler guessed-that is to say
imagined. He was essentially a "theorist"-that word now of
so much sanctity, formerly an epithet of contempt. Would it
not have puzzled these old moles too, to have explained by which
of the two " roads" a cryptographist unriddles a cryptograph of
more than usual secrecy, or by which of the two roads Champollion directed mankind to those enduring and almost innumerable
truths which resulted firom his deciphering the Hieroglyphics?
One word more on this topic and I will be done boring you.
Is it not passing strange that, with their eternal prating about
roads to Truth, these bigoted people missed what we now so
clearly perceive to be the great highway-that of Consistency?
Does it not seem singular how they should have failed to deduce
from the works of God the vital fact that a perfect consistency
must be an absolute truth! How plain has been our progress
since the late announcement of this proposition! Investigation
has been taken out of the hands of the ground-moles and given,
as a task, to the true and only true thinkers, the men of ardent
imagination. These latter theorize.  Can you not fancy the
shout of scorn with which my words would be received by our
progenitors were it possible for them to be now looking over my





MELLONTA TAUTA.


shoulder?  These men, I say theorize; and their theories are
simply core.acted, reduced, systematized-cleared, little by little,
of their dross of inconsistency-until, finally, a perfect consistency stands apparent which even the most stolid admit, because,
it is a consistency, to be an absolute and an unquestionable truth.
April 4.-The new gas is doing wonders, in conjunction with
the new improvement with gutta percha. How very safe, commodious, manageable, and in every respect convenient are our
modern balloons! Here is an immense one approaching us at
the rate of at least a hundred and fifty miles an hour. It seems
to be crowded with people-perhaps there are three or four
hundred passengers-and yet it soars to an elevation of nearly
a mile, looking down upon poor us with sovereign contempt.
Still a hundred or even two hundred miles an hour is slow
travelling, after all. -Do you remember our flight on the railroad across the Kanadaw continent?-fully three hundred miles
the hour-that was travelling. Nothing to be seen, thoughnothing to be done but flirt, feast and dance in the magnificent
saloons. Do you remember what an odd sensation was experienced when, by chance, we caught a glimpse of external objects
while the cars were in full flight? Everything seemed unique
-in one mass. For my part, I cannot say but that I preferred
the travelling by the slow train of a hundred miles the hour.
Here we were permitted to have glass windows-even to have
them open--and something like a distinct view of the country
was attainable...... Pundit says that the route for the
great Kanadaw railroad must have been in some measure marked
out about nine hundred years ago! In fact, he goes so far as to
assert that actual traces of a road are still discernibletraces referable to a period quite as remote as that mentioned.
The track, it appears, was double only; ours, you know, has
twelve paths; and three or four new ones are in preparation.
The ancient rails were very slight, and placed so close together
as to be, according to modern notions, quite frivolous, if not dangerous in the extreme. The present width of track-fifty feet
-is considered, indeed, scarcely secure enough. For my part,
I make no doubt that a track of some sort must have existed in
very remote times, as Pundit asserts; for nothing can be clearer,





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to my mind, than that, at some period-not less than seven cen
turies ago, certainly-the Northern and Southern Kanadaw continents were united; the Kanawdians, then, would have been
driven, by necessity, to a great railroad across the continent.
April 5.-I am almost devoured by ennui. Pundit is the only
conversible person on board; and he, poor soul! can speak of
nothing but antiquities. He has been occupied all the day in
the attempt to convince me that the ancient Amriccans governed
themselves!-did ever anybody hear of such an absurdity?-that
they existed in a sort of every-man-for-himself confederacy,
after the fashion of the " prairie dogs" that we read of in fable.
He says that they started with the queerest idea conceivable,
viz: that all men are born free and equal-this in the very teeth
of the laws of gradation so visibly impressed upon all things
both in the moral and physical universe. Every man " voted,"
as they called it-that is to say, meddled with public affairsuntil, at length, it was discovered that what is everybody's business is nobody's, and that the " Republic" (so the absurd thing
was called) was without a government at all. It is related, however, that the first circumstance which disturbed, very particularly, the self-complacency of the philosophers who constructed
this " Republic," was the startling discovery that universal suffrage gave opportunity for fraudulent schemes, by means of
which any desired number of votes might at any time be polled,
without the possibility of prevention or even detection, by any
party which should be merely villanous enough not to be
ashamed of the fraud. A little reflection upon this discovery
sufficed to render evident the consequences, which were that
rascality must predominate-in a word, that a republican government could never be anything but a rascally one. While the
philosophers, however, were busied in blushing at their stupidity
in not having foreseen these inevitable evils, and intent upon the
invention of new theories, the matter was put to an abrupt issue by
a fellow of the name of Mob, who took everything into his own
hands and set up a despotism, in comparison with which those
of the fabulous Zeros and Hellofhgabaluses were respectable and
delectable. This Mob (a foreigner, by-the-by), is said to have
been the most odious of all men that ever encumbered the earth.





MELLONTA TAUTA.


297


fle was a giant in stature-insolent, rapacious, filthy; had the
gall of a bullock with the heart of an hyena and the brains of
a peacock. He died, at length, by dint of his own energies,
which exhausted him. Nevertheless, he had his uses, as everything has, however vile, and taught mankind a lesson which to
this day it is in no danger of forgetting-never to run directly
contrary to the natural analogies. As for Republicanism, no
analogy could be found for it upon the face of the earth-unless
we except the case of the " prairie dogs," an exception which
seems to demonstrate, if anything, that democracy is a very admirable form of government-for dogs.
April 6.-Last night had a fine view of Alpha Lyrre, whose
disk, through our captain's spy-glass, subtends an angle of
half a degree, looking very much as our sun does to the naked
eye on a misty day. Alpha Lyrae, although so very much larger
than our sun, by-the-by, resembles him closely as regards its spots,
its atmosphere, and in many other particulars. It is only within
the last century, Pundit tells me, that the binary relation existing between these two orbs began even to be suspected. The
evident motion of our system in the heavens was (strange to
say!) referred to an orbit about a prodigious star in the centre
of the galaxy. About this star, or at all events about a centre
of gravity common to all the globes of the Milky Way and
supposed to be near Alcyone in the Pleiades, every one of these
globes was declared to be revolving, our own performing the
circuit in a period of 117,000,000 of years I  We, with our
present lights, our vast telescopic improvements, and so forth, of
course find it difficult to comprehend the ground of an idea such
as this. Its first propogator was one Mudler. He was led, we
must preshume, to this wild hypothesis by mere analogy in the
first instance; but, this being the case, he should have at least
adhered to analogy in its development. A great central orb
was, in fact, suggested; so far Mudler was consistent.  This
central orb, however, dynamically, should have been greater
than all its surrounding orbs taken together.  The question
might then have been asked-" Why do we not see it?"-we,
especially, who occupy the mid region of the cluster-the very
locality near which, at least, must be situated this inconceivable





298


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central sun.  The astronomer, perhaps, at this point, took
refuge in the suggestion of non-luminosity; and here analogy
was suddenly let fall. But even admitting the central orb nonii
luminous, how did he manage to explain its failure to be rendered
visible by the incalculable host of glorious suns glaring in all
directions about it?  No doubt what he finally maintained was
merely a centre of gravity common to all the revolving orbsbut here again analogy must have been lt t fall. Our system
revolves, it is true, about a common centre of gravity, but it
does this in connection with and in consequence of a material
sun whose mass more than counterbalances the rest of the
system. The mathematical circle is a curve composed of an
infinity of straight lines; but this idea of the circle-this idea of
it which, in regard to all earthly geometry, we consider as
merely the mathematical, in contradistinction from the practical,
idea-is, in sober fact, the practical conception which alone we
have any right to entertain in respect to those Titanic circles
with which we have to deal, at least in fancy, when we suppose
our system, with its fellows, revolving about a point in the centre
of the galaxy. Let the most vigorous of human imaginations
but attempt to take a single step towards the comprehension of
a circuit so unutterable i It would scarcely be paradoxical to
say that a flash of lightning itself, travelling forever upon the
circumference of this inconceivable circle, would stillforever be
travelling in a straight line. That the path of' our sun along
such a circumference-that the direction of our system in such
an orbit-would, to any human perception, deviate in the
slightest degree from a straight line even in a million of years,
is a proposition not to be entertained; and yet these ancient
astronomers were absolutely cajoled, it appears, into believing
that a decisive curvature had become apparent during the brief
period of their astronomical history-during the mere pointduring the utter nothingness of two or three thousand years
How incomprehensible, that considerations such as this did not
at once indicate to them the true state of affairs-that of the
binary revolution of our sun aind Alpha Lyrae around a common
centre of gravity!
April 7.- -Continued last night our astronomical amusements.





MELLONTA TAUTA.


299


Had a fine view of the five Nepturian asteroids, and watched
with much interest the putting up of a huge impost on a couple
of lintels in the new temple at Daphnis in the moon. It was
amusing to think that creatures so diminutive as the lunarians,
and bearing so little resemblance to humanity, yet evinced a mechanical ingenuity so much superior to our own. One finds it
dificult, too, to conceive the vast masses which these people handle
so easily, to be as light as our reason tells us they actually are.
April 8.-Eureka I Pundit is in his glory. A balloon from
Kanadaw spoke us to-day and threw on board several late papers;
they contain some exceedingly curious information relative to
Kanawdian or rather to Amriccan antiquities. You know, I
presume, that laborers have for some months been employed in
preparing the ground for a new fountain at Paradise, the emperor's principal pleasure garden. Paradise, it appears, has been,
literally speaking, an island time out of mind-that is to say, its
northern boundary was always (as far back as any records extend) a rivulet, or rather a very narrow arm of the sea. This
arm was gradually widened until it attained its present breadtha mile. The whole length of the island is nine miles; the breadth
varies materially. The entire area (so Pundit says) was, about
eight hundred years ago, densely packed with houses, some of
them twenty stories high; land (for some most unaccountable reason) being considered as especially precious just in this vicinity.
The disastrous earthquake, however, of the year 2050, so totally uprooted and overwhelmed the town (for it was almost too large to
be called a village) that the most indefatigable of our antiquarians have never yet been able to obtain from the site any
sufficient data (in the shape of coins, medals or inscriptions)
wherewith to build up even the ghost of a theory concerning the
manners, customs, &c. &c. &c., of the aboriginal inhabitants.
Nearly all that we have hitherto known of them is, that they
were a portion of the Knickerbocker tribe of savages infesting
the continent at its first discovery by Recorder Riker, a knight
of the Golden Fleece. They were by no means uncivilized,
however, but cultivated various arts and even sciences after a
fashion of their own. It is related of them that they were acute
in many respects, but were oddly afflicteed with a monomania for,ildin    f wlat, in the ancient Amnrican, was denominated





300


MELLONTA TAUTA.


" churches"-a kind of pagoda instituted for the worship of two
idols that went by the names of Wealth and Fashion. In the
end, it is said, the island became, nine-tenths of it, church. The
women, too, it appears, were oddly deformed by a natural protuberance of the region just below the small of the back-although,
most unaccountably, this deformity was looked upon altogether
in the light of a beauty. One or two pictures of these singular
women have, in fact, been miraculously preserved. They look
very odd, very-like something between a turkey-cock and a
dromedary.
Well, these few details are nearly all that have descended to
us respecting the ancient Knickerbockers. It seems, however,
that while digging in the centre of the emperor's garden, (which,
you know, covers the whole island,) some of the workmen unearthed a cubical and evidently chisseled block of granite, weighing several hundred pounds. It was in good preservation,
having received, apparently, little injury from the convulsion
which entombed it. On one of its surfaces was a marble slab
with (only think of it!) an inscription-a legible inscription.
Pundit is in ecstasies. Upon detaching the slab, a cavity appeared, containing a leaden box filled with various coins, a long
scroll of names, several documents which appear to resemble
newspapers, with other matters of intense interest to the antiquarian! There can be no doubt that all these are genuine Amriccan relics belonging to the tribe called Knickerbocker. The
papers thrown on board our balloon are filled with fac-similes of
the coins, MSS., typography, &c. &c. I copy for your amusement the Knickerbocker inscription on the marble slab:0         This Corner Stone of a Monument to the
)                       AMemory of
0            GEORGE WASHINGTON,
was laid with appropriate ceremonies on the
19TH DAY OF OCTOBER, 1847,
the anniversary of the surrender of
Lord Cornwallis
to General Washington at Yorktown,
A. D. 1781,
under the auspices of the
Washington Monument Association of the
city of New York.
~)eaec0< ese3ec2300~OOeOa>0e<3<2/00~0<3000





MELLONTA TAUTA.


So0


This, as I give it, is a verbatim translation done by Pundit
himself, so there can be no mistake about it. From the few
words thus preserved, we glean several important items of know.
ledge, not the least interesting of which is the fact that a thousand
years ago actual monuments had fallen into disuse-as was all
very proper-the people contenting themselves, as we do now,
with a mere indication of the design to erect a monument at some
future time; a corner-stone being cautiously laid by itself " solitary and alone" (excuse me for quoting the great Amriccan
poet Benton!) as a guarantee of the magnanimous intention. We
ascertain, too, very distinctly, from this admirable inscription, the
how, as well as the where and the what, of the great surrender
in question. As to the where, it was Yorktown (wherever that
was, and as to the what, it was General Cornwallis (no doubt
some wealthy dealer in corn). He was surrendered. The inscription commemorates the surrender of-what?-why, "of
Lord Cornwallis."  The only question is what could the savages
wish him surrendered for. But when we remember that these
savages were undoubtedly cannibals, we are led to the conclusion
that they intended him fbr sausage. As to the how of the surrender, no language can be more explicit. Lord Cornwallis was
surrendered (for sausage) " under the auspices of the Washington
Monument Association"-no doubt a charitable institution for
the depositing of corner-stones.- But, Heaven bless me! what
is the matter? Ah, I see-the balloon has collapsed, and we
shall have a tumble into the sea. I have, therefore, only time
enough to add that, from a hasty inspection of the fac-similes of
newspapers, &c. &c., I find that the great men in those days
among the Amriccans, were one John, a smith, and one Zacchary,
a tailor.
Good bye, until I see you again. Whether you ever get this
letter or not is a point of little importance, as I write altogether
for my own amnsement. I shall cork the AIS. up in a bottle
however, and throw it into the sea.
Yours everlastingly,
PUNDITA.





LOSS OF     BREATH.
A TALE NEITHER IN NOR OUT OF "BLACKWOOD
O breathe not, &c.-MOORE'S MELODIES.
THE most notorious ill-fortune must in the end, yield to the
untiring courage of philosophy-as the most stubborn city to the
ceaseless vigilance of an enemy. Salmanezer, as we have it in
the holy writings, lay three years before Samaria; yet it fell.
Sardanapalus-see Diodorus-maintained himself seven in Nineveh; but to no purpose. Troy expired at the close of the second
lustrum; and Azoth, as AristTeus declares upon his honor as a
gentleman, opened at last her gates to Psammitticus, after
having barred them for the fifth part of a century. ~ "*
"Thou wretch!-thou vixen!-thou shrew!" said I to my
wife on the morning after our wedding, "thou witch!-thou
hag!-thou whipper-snapper!-thou sink of iniquity!-thou
fiery-faced quintessence of all that is abominable!-thou-thou
-" here standing upon tiptoe, seizing her by the throat, and
placing my mouth close to her ear, I was preparing to launch
forth a new and more decided epithet of opprobrium, which
should not fail, if ejaculated, to convince her of her insignificance,
when, to my extreme horror and astonishment, I discovered that
I had lost my breath.
The phrases " I am out of breath," " I have lost my breath,"
&c., are often enough repeated in common conversation; but it
had never occurred to me that the terrible accident of which I
speak could bona fide and actually happen! Imagine-that is if
you have a fhnciful turn-imagine, I say, my wonder-my consternation-my despair!





LOSS OF BREATH.


303


There is a good genius, however, which has never entirely deserted me. In my most ungovernable moods I still retain a
sense of propriety, et le chem:n des passions me conduit-as
Lord Edouard in the "Julie" says it did him--t la philosophie
veritable.
Although I could not at first precisely ascertain to what degree
the occurrence had affected me, I determined at all events to
conceal the matter from my wife, until further experience should
discover to me the extent of this my unheard of calamity. Altering my countenance, therefore, in a moment, from its bepuffed
and distorted appearance, to an expression of arch and coqeuttish
benignity, I gave my lady a pat on the one cheek, and a kiss on
the other, and without saying one syllable, (Furies! I could not),
left her astonished at my drollery, as I pirouetted out of the room
in a Pas de Zephyr.
Behold me then safely ensconced in my private boudoir, a
fearful instance of the ill consequences attending upon irascibility
-alive, with the qualifications of the dead-dead, with the propensities of the living-an anomoly on the face of the earthbeing very calm, yet breathless.
Yes! breathless. I am serious in asserting that my breath was
entirely gone. I could not have stirred with it a feather if my
life had been at issue, or sullied even the delicacy of a mirror.
Hard fate!-yet there was some alleviation to the first overwhelming paroxysm of my sorrow. I found, upon trial, that
the powers of utterance which, upon my inability to proceed in
the conversation with my wife, I then concluded to be totally
destroyed, were in fact only partially impeded, and I discovered
that had I at that interesting crisis, dropped my voice to a singularly deep guttural, I might still have continued to her the
communication of my sentiments; this pitch of voice (the guttural) depending, I find, not upon the current of the breath, but
upon a certain spasmodic action of the muscles of the throat.
Throwing myself upon a chair, I remained for some time absorbed in meditation.,My reflections, be sure, were of no consolatory kind.  A  thousand vague and lachrymatory fancies
took possession of my soul-and even the idea of suicide flitted
across my brain; but it is a trait in the perversity of human





304


LOSS OF BREATH.


nature to reject the obvious and the ready, for the far-distant
and equivocal. Thus I shuddered at self-murder as the most
decided of atrocities while the tabby cat purred strenuously upon
the rug, and the very water-dog wheezed assiduously under the
table; each taking to itself much merit for the strength of its
lungs, and all obviously done in derision of my own pulmonary
incapacity.
Oppressed with a tumult of vague hopes and fears, I at length
heard the footsteps of my wife descending the staircase. Being
now assured of her absence, I returned with a palpitating heart
to the scene of my disaster.
Carefully locking the door on the inside, I commenced a vigorous search. It was possible, I thought that, concealed in some
obscure corner, or lurking in some closet or drawer, might be
found the lost object of my inquiry. It might have a vaporyit might even have a tangible form. Most philosophers, upon
many points of philosophy, are still very unphilosophical. William Godwin, however, says in his " Mandeville," that " invisible
things are the only realities," and this all will allow, is a case in
point. I would have the judicious reader pause before accusing
such asseverations of an undue quantum of absurdity. Anaxagoras, it will be remembered, maintained that snow is black, and
this I have since found to be the case.
Long and earnestly did I continue the investigation: but the
contemptible reward of my industry and perseverance proved to
be only a set of false teeth, two pair of hips, an eye, and a bundle of billetts-doux from Mr. Windenough to my wife. I might
as well here observe that this confirmation of my lady's partiality
for Mr. W. occasioned me little uneasiness. That Mrs. Lackobreath should admire anything so dissimilar to myself was a
natural and necessary evil. I am, it is well known, of a robust
and corpulent appearance, and at the same time somewhat diminutive in stature. What wonder then that the lath-like tenuity of
my acquaintance, and his altitude, which has grown into a proverb, should have met with all due estimation in the eyes of Mrs.
Lackobreath. But to return.
My exertions, as I have before said, proved fruitless. Closet
after closet-drawer after dra~ \er-corner after corner-were





LOSS OF BREATH.


305


scrutinized to no purpose. At one time, however, I thought
myself sure of my prize, having in rummaging a dressing-case,
accidentally demolished a bottle of Grandjean's Oil of Archangels
-which, as an agreeable perfume, I here take the liberty of
recommending.
With a heavy heart I returned to my boudoir-there to ponder
upon some method of eluding my wife's penetration, until I could
make arrangements prior to my leaving the country, for to this
I had already made up my mind. In a foreign climate, being
unknown, I might, with some probability of success, endeavor
to conceal my unhappy calamity-a calamity calculated, even
more than beggary, to estrange the affections of the multitude,
and to draw down upon the wretch the well-merited indignation
of the virtuous and the happy. I was not long in hesitation. Being
naturally quick, I committed to memory the entire tragedy of
" Metamora." I had the good fortune to recollect that in the accentuation of this drama, or at least of such portion of it as is
allotted to the hero, the tones of voice in which I found myself
deficient were altogether unnecessary, and that the deep guttural
was expected to reign monotonously throughout.
I practised for some time by the borders of a well frequented
marsh;-herein, however, having no reference to a similar proceeding of Demosthenes, but from a design peculiarly and conscientiously my own. Thus armed at all points, I determined to
make my wife believe that I was suddenly smitten with a pas
sion for the stage. In this, I succeeded to a miracle; and to
every question or suggestion found myself at liberty to reply in
my most frog-like and sepulchral tones with some passage from
the tragedy-any portion of which, as I soon took great pleasure
in observing, would apply equally well to any particular subject.
It is not to be supposed, however, that in the delivery of such
passages I was found at all deficient in the looking asquint-the
showing my teeth-the working my knees-the shuffling my
feet-or in any of those unmentionable graces which are now
justly considered the characteristics of a popular performer.
To be sure they spoke of confining me in a straight-jacketbut, good God! they never suspected me of having lost my
breath.
VOL. IV.-20





306


LOSS OF BREATH.


Having at length put my affairs in order, I took my seat very
early one morning in the mail stage for -, giving it to be understood, among my acquaintances, that business of the last importance required my immediate personal attendance in that
city.
The coach was crammed to repletion; 'but in the. uncertain
twilight the features of my companions could not be distinguished.
Without making any effectual resistance, I suffered myself to be
placed between two gentlemen of colossal dimensions; while a
third, of a size larger, requesting pardon for the liberty he was
about to take, threw himself upon my body at full length, and
falling asleep in an instant, drowned all my guttural ejaculations
for relief, in a snore which would have put to blush the roarings
of the bull of Phalaris. Happily the state of my respiratory
faculties rendered suffocation an accident entirely out of the
question.
As, however, the day broke more distinctly in our approach
to the outskirts of the city, my tormentor arising and adjusting
his shirt-collar, thanked me in a very friendly manner for my
civility. Seeing that I remained motionless, (all my limbs were
dislocated and my head twisted on one side,) his apprehensions
began to be excited; and arousing the rest of the passengers, he
communicated in a very decided manner, his opinion that a dead
man had been palmed upon them during the night for a living
and responsible fellow-traveller; here giving me a thump on the
right eye, by way of demonstrating the truth of his suggestion.
Hereupon all,'one after another, (there were nine in company),
believed it their duty to pull me by the ear. A young practising
physician, too, having applied a pocket-mirror to my mouth, and
found me without breath, the assertion of my persecutor was
pronounced a true bill; and the whole party expressed a determination to endure tamely no such impositions for the future, and
to proceed no farther with any such carcasses for the present.
I was here, accordingly, thrown out at the sign of the " Crow,"
(by which tavern the coach happened to be passing,) without
meeting with any farther accident than the breaking of both my
arms, unde.r the left hind wheel of the vehicle. I must besides
do the driver the justice to state that he did not forget to throw





LOSS OF BREATH.


307


after me the largest of my trunks, which, unfortunately falling
on my head, fractured my skull in a manner at once interesting
and extraordinary.
The landlord of the " Crow," who is a hospitable man, finding
that my trunk contained sufficient to indemnify him for any little
trouble he might take in my behalf, sent forthwith for a surgeon
of his acquaintance, and delivered me to his care with a bill and
receipt for ten dollars.
The purchaser took me to his apartments and commenced
operations immediately. Having cut off my ears, however, he
discovered signs of animation. He now rang the bell, and sent
for a neighboring apothecary with whom to consult in the emergency. In case of his suspicions with regard to my existence
proving ultimately correct, he, in the meantime, made an incision
in my stomach, and removed several of my viscera for private
dissection.
The apothecary had an idea ibat I was actually dead. This
idea I endeavored to confute, kicking and plunging with all my
might, and making the most fhrious contortions-for the operations of the surgeon had, in a measure, restored me to the possession of my faculties. All, however, was attributed to the effects
of a new galvanic battery, wherewith the apothecary, who is
really a man of information, performed several curious experiments, in which, from my personal share in their fulfilment, I
could not help feeling deeply interested. It was a source of
mortification to me nevertheless, that although I made several
attempts at conversation, my powers of speech were so entirely in
abeyance, that I could not even open my mouth; much less then
make reply to some ingenious but fanciful theories of which, under other circumstances, my minute acquaintance with the Hippocratian pathology would have afforded me a ready confutation.
Not being able to arrive at a conclusion, the practitioners
remanded me for farther examination. I was taken up into a
garret; and the surgeon's lady having accommodated me with
drawers and stockings, the surgeon himself fastened my hands.
and tied up my jaws with a pocket handkerchief-then bolted
the door on the outside as he hurried to his dinner, leaving me
alone to silence and to meditation.





LOSS OF BREATH.


I now discovered to my extreme delight that I could have
spoken had not my mouth been tied up by the pocket handkerchief. Consoling myself with this reflection, I was mentally repeating some passages of the " Omnipresence of the Deity," as
is my custom before resigning myself to sleep, when two cats, of
a greedy and vituperative turn, entering at a hole in the wall,
leaped up with a flourish a la Catalani, and alighting opposite
one another on my visage, betook themselves to indecorous contention for the paltry consideration of my nose.
But, as the loss of his ears proved the means of elevating to
the throne of Cyrus, the Magian or Mige-Gush of Persia, and as
the cutting off his nose gave Zopyrus possession of Babylon, so
the loss of a few ounces of my countenance proved the salvation
of my body. Aroused by the pain, and burning with indignation,
I burst, at a single effort, the fastenings and the bandage.-Stalking across the room I cast a glance of contempt at the belligerants, and throwing open the sash to their extreme horror and
disappointment, precipitated myself, very dexterously, from the
window.
The mail-robber W---, to whom I bore a singular resemblance, was at this moment passing from the city jail to the
scaffold erected for his execution in the suburbs. His extreme
infirmity, and long continued ill health, had obtained him the
privilege of remaining unmanacled; and habited in his gallows
costume-one very similar to my own-he lay at full length in
the bottom of the hangman's cart (which happened to be under
the windows of the surgeon at the moment of my precipitation)
without any other guard than the driver who was asleep, and two
recruits of the sixth infantry, who were drunk.
As ill-luck would have it, I alit upon my feet within the vehicle.  ----, who was an acute fellow, perceived his opportunity.  Leaping up immediately, he bolted out behind, and
turning down an alley, was out of sight in the twinkling of an
eye. The recruits, aroused by the bustle, could not exactly comprehend the merits of the transaction. Seeing, however, a man,
the precise counterpart of the felon, standing upright in the cart
before their eyes, they were of opinion that the rascal (meaning
W--   -) was after making his escape, (so they expressed





LOSS OF BREATH.


309


themselves,) and, having communicated this opinion to one
another, they took each a dram, and then knocked me down with
the butt-ends of their muskets.
It was not long ere we arrived at the place of destination. Of
course nothing could be said in my defence. Hanging was my
inevitable fate. I resigned myself thereto with a feeling half'
stupid, half acrimonious. Being little of a cynic, I had all the
sentiments of a dog. The hangman, however, adjusted the noose
about my neck. The drop fell.
I forbear to depict my sensations upon the gallows; although
here, undoubtedly, I could speak to the point, and it is a topic
upon which nothing has been well said. In fact, to write upon
such a theme it is necessary to have been hanged. Every author
should confine himself to matters of experience. Thus Mark
Antony composed a treatise upon getting drunk.
I may just mention, however, that die I did not. My body
was, but I had no breath to be suspended; and but for the knot
under my left ear (which had the feel of a military stock) I dare
say that I should have experienced very little inconvenience.
As for the jerk given to my neck upon the falling of the drop, it
merely proved a corrective to the twist afforded me by the fat
gentleman in the coach.
For good reasons, however, I did my best to give the crowd
the worth of their trouble. My convulsions were said to be extraordinary. My spasms it would have been difficult to beat.
The populace encored. Several gentlemen swooned; and a multitude of ladies were carried home in hysterics. Pinxit availed
himself of the opportunity to retouch, from a sketch taken upon
the spot, his admirable painting of the "N Marsyas flayed alive."
When I had afforded sufficient amusement, it was thought
proper to remove my body from the gallows;-this the more
especially as the real culprit had in the meantime been retaken
and recognized; a fact which I was so unlucky as not to know.
Much sympathy was, of course exercised in my behalf, and as
no one made claim to my corpse, it was ordered that I should be
interred in a public vault.
Here, after due interval, I was deposited. The sexton departed, and I was left alone. A line of Marston's " MIalcontent"




310


LOSS OF BREATH.


Death's a good fellow and keeps open housestruck me at that moment as a palpable lie.
I knocked off, however, the lid of my coffin, and stepped out.
The place was dreadfully dreary and damp, and I became troubled
with ennui. By way of amusement, I felt my way among the
numerous coffins ranged in order around. I lifted them down,
one by one. and breaking open their lids, busied myself in speculations about the mortality within.
"This," I soliloquized, tumbling over a carcass, puffy, bloated,
and rotund-" this has been, no doubt, in every sense of the word,
an unhappy-an unfortunate man. It has been his terrible lot
not to walk, but to waddle-to pass through life not like a human
being, but like an elephant-not like a man, but like a rhinoceros.
" His attempts at getting on have been mere abortions, and his
circumgyratory proceedings a palpable failure. Taking a step
forward, it has been his misfortune to take two towards the right,
and three towards the left. His studies have been confined to
the poetry of Crabbe. He can have had no idea of the wonder
of a piroette. To him a pas de papillon has been an abstract
conception. He has never ascended the summit of a hill. He
has never viewed from any steeple the glories of a metropolis.
Heat has been his mortal enemy. In the dog-days his days have
been the days of a dog. Therein, he has dreamed of flames and
suffocation-of mountains upon mountains-of Pelion upon Ossa.
He was short of breath-to say all in a word, he was short of
breath. He thought it extravagant to play upon wind instruments. He was the inventor of self-moving fans, wind-sails, and
ventilators. He patronized Du Pont the bellows-maker, and
died miserably in attempting to smok!e a cigar. His was a case
in which I feel a deep interest-a lot in which I sincerely sympathize.
" But here,"-said I-" here"-and I dragged spitefully from
its receptacle a gaunt, tall, and peculiar-looking form, whose remarkable appearance struck me with a sense of unwelcome
familiarity-" here is a wretch entitled to no earthly commiseration."  Thus saying, in order to obtain a more distinct view of





LOSS OF BREATH.


311


my subject, I applied my thumb and fore-finger to its nose, and
causing it to assume a sitting position upon the ground, held it
thus, at the length of my arm, while I continued my soliloquy.
-" Entitled," I repeated, " to no earthly commiseration. Who
indeed would think of compassionating a shadow? Besides, has
he not had his full share of the blessings of mortality? He was
the originator of tall monuments-shot-towers-lightning-rodslombardy poplars. His treatise upon " Shades and Shadows"
has immortalized him. He edited with distinguished ability the
last edition of " South on the Bones."  He went early to college
and studied pneumatics. He then came home, talked eternally,
and played upon the French-horn. He patronized the bag-pipes.
Captain Barclay, who walked against Time, would not walk
against him. Windham and Allbreath were his favorite writers.
-his favorite artist, Phiz. He died gloriously while inhaling
gas-levique flatu corrupitor, like the fama pudicitice in Hieronymus.*  He was indubitably a "---
" How can you?-how-can-you?"-interrupted the object
of my animadversions, gasping for breath, and tearing off, with a
desperate exertion, the bandage around its jaws-" how can you,
Mr. Lackobreath, be so infernally cruel as to pinch me in that
manner by the nose? Did you not see how they had fastened
up my mouth-and you must know-if you know anything-how
vast a superfluity of breath I have to dispose of! If you do not
know, however, sit down and you shall see.-In my situation it
is really a great relief to be able to open one's mouth-to be able
to expatiate-to be able to communicate with a person like yourself, who do not think yourself called upon at every period to
interrupt the thread of a gentleman's discourse.-Interruptions
are annoying and should undoubtedly be abolished-don't you
think so?-no reply, I beg you,-one person is enough to be
speaking at a time.-I shall be done by-and-by, and then you
may begin.-How the devil, sir, did you get into this place?not a word I beseech you--been here some time myself-terrible
accident!-heard of it, I suppose-awful calamity!-walking
* Tenera res infeminis famas pudictice, et quasi flos pulcherrimus, cito,d
levem marcessit auram, levique flatu corrupitur,. maxime, &c.-Hierouymns ad
Salvinam.





312


LOSS OF BREATH.


under your windows-some short while ago-about the time you
were stage-struck-horrible occurrence!-heard of "catching
one's breath," eh?-hold your tongue I tell you!-I caught
somebody else's!-had always too much of my own-met Blab
at the corner of the street-would'nt give me a chance for a wordcould'nt get in a syllable edgeways-attacked, consequently, with
epilepsis-Blab made his escape-damn all fools!-they took
me up for dead, and put me in this place-pretty doings all of
them!-heard all you said about me-every word a lie-horrible!-wonderful!-outrageous!-hideous!-incomprehensible!--
et cetera-et cetera-et cetera-et cetera-"
It is impossible to conceive my astonishment at so unexpected
a discourse; or the joy with which I became gradually convinced
that the breath so fortunately caught by the gentleman (whom I
soon recognized as my neighbor Windenough) was, in fact, the
identical expiration mislaid by myself in the conversation with
my wife. Time, place, and circumstance rendered it a matter
beyond question. I did not, however, immediately release my
hold upon Mr. W.'s proboscis-not at least during the long period
in which the inventor of lombardy-poplars continued to favor me
with his explanations.
In this respect I was actuated by that habitual prudence which
has ever been my predominating trait. I reflected that many
difficulties might still lie in the path of my preservation which
only extreme exertion on my part would be able to surmount.
Many persons, I considered, are prone to estimate commodities
in their possession-however valueless to the then proprietorhowever troublesome, or distressing-in direct ratio with the advantages to be derived by others from their attainment, or by
themselves from their abandonment. Might not this be the case
with Mr. Windenough? In displaying anxiety for the breath of
which he was at present so willing to get rid, might I not lay
myself open to the exactions of his avarice? There are scoundrels in this world, I remembered with a sigh, who will not scruple to take unfair opportunities with even a next door neighbor,
and (this remark is from Epictetus) it is precisely at that time
when men are most anxious to throw off the burden of their own





LOSS OF BREATH.


313


calamities that they feel the least desirous of relieving them in
others.
Upon considerations similar to these, and still retaining my
grasp upon the nose of Mr. W., I accordingly thought proper to
model my reply.
" Monster!" I began in a tone of the deepest indignation,
"monster; and double-winded idiot!-dost thou, whom for thine
iniquities, it has pleased heaven to accurse with a two-fold respiration-dost thou, I say, presume to address me in the familiar
language of an old acquaintance?-" I lie," forsooth! and "hold
my tongue," to be sure!-pretty conversation indeed, to a gentleman with a single breath!-all this, too, when I have it in my
power to    ve the calamity under which thou dost so justly
suffer--t     il the superfluities of thine unhappy respiration."
Like B      T paused for a reply-with which, like a tornado,
Mr. Wind,        mmediately overwhelmed me. Protestation
followed upc      tation, and apology upon apology. There
were no term      rhich he was unwilling to comply, and there
were none of       f failed to take the fullest advantage.
Preliminarie.   g at length arranged, my acquaintance delivered me the r, ation; for which (having carefully examined it) I gave h.  fterwards a receipt.
I am aware tha  - many I shall be held to blame for speaking,
in a manner so cures y, of a transaction so impalpable. It will
be thought that I should have entered more minutely into the
details of an occurrence by which-and this is very true-much
new light might be thrown upon a highly interesting branch of
physical philosophy.
To all this I am sorry that I cannot reply. A hint is the only
answer which I am permitted to make. There were circumstances-but I think it much safer upon consideration to say as little
as possible about an affair so delicate-so delicate, I repeat, and
and at the time involving the interests of a third party whose
sulphurous resentment I have not the least desire, at this moment,
of incurring.
We were not long after this necessary arrangement in effecting
an escape from the dungeons of the sepulchre.  The united
strength of our resuscitated voices was soon sufficiently apparent.





314


LOSS OF BREATH.


Scissors, the Whig Editor. republished a treatise upon "the nature and origin of  subterranean noises."  A  reply-rejoinder-confutation-and justification-followed in the columns of a
Democratic Gazette. It was not until the opening of the vault to
decide the controversy, that the appearance of Mr. Windenough
and myself proved both parties to have been decidedly in the
wrong.
I cannot conclude these details of some very singular passages
in a life at all times sufficiently eventful, without again recalling
to the attention of the reader the merits of that indiscriminate
philosophy which is a sure and ready shield against those shafts of
calamity which can neither be seen, felt, nor full -."d erstood.
It was in the spirit of this wisdom that, among the  lent Hebrews, it was believed the gates of Heaven woul(  levitai y
opened to that sinner, or saint, who, with good Ihr  I implicit
confidence, should vociferate the word " Ame     vas in the
spirit of this wisdom that, when a great plag  I at Athens,
and every means had been in vain attem         its removal,
Epimenides, as Laertius relates in his secor. of that philosopher, advised the erection of a shrine an(  ie " to the proper God."
LL    ETON BARRY.





THE MAN THAT WAS USED UI'.
A TALE OF THE LATE BUGABOO AND KICKAPOO CAMPAIGN
Pleurez, pleurez, mes yeux, et fondez vous en eau!
La moitid de ma vie a mis 1' autre au tombeau.  CORNEILLE.
I CANNOT just now remember when or where I first made
the acquaintance of that truly fine-looking fellow, Brevet
Brigadier General John A. B. C. Smith. Some one did introduce me to the gentleman, I am sure-at some public meeting,
1 know very well-held about something of great importance, no
doubt-at some place or other, I feel convinced,-whose name I
have unaccountably forgotten. The truth is-that the introduction was attended, upon my part, with a degree of anxious embarrassment which operated to prevent any definite impressions of
either time or place. I am constitutionally nervous-this, with
me, is a family failing, and I can't help it. In especial, the
slightest appearance of mystery-of any point I cannot exactly
comprehend-puts me at once into a pitiable state of agitation.
There was something, as it were, remarkable-yes, remarkable,
although this is but a feeble term to express my full meaningabout the entire individuality of the personage in question. lHe
was, perhaps, six feet in height, and of a presence singularly
commanding. There was an air distingue pervading the whole
man, which spoke of high breeding, and hinted at high birth.
Upon this topic-the topic of Smith's personal appearance-I
have a kind of melancholy satisfaction in being minute. His
head of hair would have done honor to a Brutus;-nothing
could be more richly flowing, or possess a brighter gloss. Ii
was of a jetty black;-which was also the color, or more





31(;


THE MAN THAT WAS USED UP.


properly the no color, of his unimaginable whiskers.  You
perceive I cannot speak of these latter without enthusiasm; it is
not too much to say that they were the handsomest pair of
whiskers under the sun. At all events, they encircled, and at
times partially overshadowed, a mouth utterly unequalled. Here
were the most entirely even, and the most brilliantly white of
all conceivable teeth. From between them, upon every proper
occasion, issued a voice of surpassing clearness, melody, and
strength.  In the matter of eyes, also, my acquaintance was
pre-eminently endowed. Either one of such a pair was worth a
couple of the ordinary ocular organs. They were of a deep
hazel, exceedingly large and lustrous; and there was perceptible
about them, ever and anon, just that amount of interesting
obliquity which gives pregnancy to expression.
The bust of the General was unquestionably the finest bust I
ever saw. For your life you could not have found a fault with
its wonderful proportion. This rare peculiarity set off to great
advantage a pair of shoulders which would have called up a
blush of conscious inferiority into the countenance of the marble
Apollo. I have a passion for fine shoulders, and may say that I
never beheld them in perfection befbre. The arms altogether
were admirably modelled.   Nor were the lower limbs less
superb. These were, indeed, the ne plus ultra of good legs.
Every connoisseur in such matters admitted the legs to be good.
There was neither too much flesh, nor too little,-neither rudeness nor fragility. I could not imagine a more graceful curve
than that of the os femoris, and there was just that due gentle
prominence in the rear of the fibula which goes to the conformation of a properly proportioned calf. I wish to God my young
and talented friend Chiponchipino, the sculptor had but seen the
legs of Brevet Brigadier General John A. B. C. Smitfi.
But although men so absolutely fine-looking are neither as
plenty as reasons or blackberries, still I could not bring myself
to believe that the remarkable something to which I alluded just
now,--that the odd air of je ne sais quoi which hung about my
new acquaintance,-lay altogether, or indeed at all, in the
supreme, excellence of his bodily endowments. Perhaps it might
be traced to the manner;-yet here again I could not pretend to





THE MAN THAT WAS USED UP.


317


be positive. There was a primness, not to say stiffness, in his
carriage-a degree of measured, and, if I may so express it, of
rectangular precision, attending his every movement, which,
observed in a more diminutive figure, would have had the least
little savor in the world, of affectation, pomposity or constraint,
but which noticed in a gentleman of his undoubted dimensions,
was readily placed to the account of reserve, hauteur--of a
commendable sense, in short, of what is due to the dignity of
colossal proportion.
The kind friend who presented me to General Smith whispered in my ear some few words of comment upon the man.
He was a remarkable man-a very remarkable man-indeed one
of the most remarkable men of the age. He was an especial
favorite, too, with the ladies-chiefly on account of his high
reputation for courage.
" In that point he is unrivalled-indeed he is a perfect
desperado-a down-right fire-eater, and no mistake," said my
friend, here dropping his voice excessively low, and thrilling me
with the mystery of his tone.
"A downright fire-eater, and no mistake. Showed that, I
should say, to some purpose, in the late tremendous swamp-fight
away down South, with the Bugaboo and Kickapoo Indians."
[Here my friend opened his eyes to some extent.]  " Bless my
soul!-blood and thunder, and all that!-prodigies of valor!heard of him of course?-you know he's the man"---
" Man alive, how do you do? why how are ye? very glad to
see ye, indeed!" here interrupted the General himself, seizing
my companion by the hand as he drew near, and bowing stiffly,
but profoundly, as I was presented. I then thought, (and I
think so still,) that I never heard a clearer nor a stronger voice,
nor beheld a finer set of teeth: but I must say that I was sorry
for the interruption just at that moment, as, owing to the
whispers and insinuations aforesaid, my interest had been
greatly excited in the hero of the Bugaboo and Kickapoo
campaign.
However, the delightfully luminous conversation of Brevet
Brigadier General John A. B. C. Smith soon completely dissipated this chagrin. My friend leaving us immediately, we had





318


T'IHE MAN THAT WAS USED UP.


quite a long tete-a-tite, and I was not only pleased but reallyinstructed. I never heard a more fluent talker, or a man of
greater general information.  With becoming modesty, he
forebore, nevertheless, to touch upon the theme I had just then
most at heart-I mean the mysterious circumstances attending
the Bugab-oo war-and, on my own part, what I conceive to be
a proper sense of delicacy forbade me to broach the subject;
although, in truth, I was exceedingly tempted to do so.  I
perceived, too, that the gallant soldier preferred topics of
philosophical interest, and that he delighted, especially in commenting upon the rapid march of mechanical invention. Indeed,
lead him where I would, this was a point to which he invariably
came back.
"There is nothing at all like it," he would say; "we are a
wonderful people, and live in a wonderful age. Parachutes and
rail-roads-man-traps and spring-guns!  Our steam-boats are
upon every sea, and the Nassau balloon packet is about to run
regular trips (fare either way only twenty pounds sterling)
between London and Timbuctoo. And who shall calculate the
immense influence upon social life-upon arts-upon commerce
-upon literature-which will be the immediate result of the
great principles of electro magnetics! Nor, is this all, let me
assure you! There is really no end to the march of invention.
The most wonderful-the most ingenious-and let me add, Mr.
-Mr.-Thompson, I believe, is your name-let me add, I say,
the most useful-the most truly useful mechanical contrivances,
are daily springing up like mushrooms, if I may so express
myself, or, more figuratively, like-ah-grasshoppers-like
grasshoppers, Mr. Thompson-about us and ah-ah-aharound us 1"
Thompson, to be sure, is not my name; but it is needless to
say that I left General Smith with a heightened interest in the
man, with an exalted opinion of his conversational powers, and a
deep sense of the valuable privileges we enjoy in living in this
age of mechanical invention. My curiosity, however, had not
been altogether satisfied, and I resolved to prosecute immediate
inquiry among my acquaintances touching the Brevet Brigadier
General himself, and particularly respecting the tremendo s





THE MAN THAT WAS USED UP.


319


events Quotum pars magna fuit, during the Bugaboo and Kickapoo campaign.
Th- first opportunity which presented itself, and which (horresco referens) I did not in the least scruple to seize, occurred
at the Church of the Reverend Doctor Drummummupp, where
I found myself established, one Sunday, just at sermon time, not
only in the pew, but by the side, of that worthy and communicative little friend of mine, Miss Tabitha T. Thus seated, I congratulated myself, and with much reason, upon the very flattering state of affairs. If any person knew anything about Brevet
Brigadier General John A. B. C. Smith, that person, it was clear
to me, was Miss Tabitha T. We telegraphed a few signals,
and then commenced, sotto voce, a brisk tete-a-tete.
" Smith!" said she, in reply to my very earnest inquiry;
"Smith!-why, not General John A. B. C.?     Bless me, I
thought you knew all about him! This is a wonderfully inventive age! Horrid affair that!-a bloody set of wretches, those
Kickapoos!-fought like a hero-prodigies of valor-immortal
renown. Smith!-Brevet Brigadier General John A. B. C.!
-why, you know he's the man""Man," here broke in Doctor Drummummupp, at the top of
his voice, and with a thump that came near knocking the pulpit
about our ears; " man that is born of a woman hath but a short
time to live; he cometh up and is cut down like a flower!" I
started to the extremity of the pew, and perceived by the animated looks of the divine, that the wrath which had nearly
proved fatal to the pulpit had been excited by the whispers of
the lady and myself. There was no help for it; so I submitted
with a good grace, and listened, in all the martyrdom of dignified
silence, to the balance of that very capital discourse.
Next evening found me a somewhat late visitor at the Rantipole theatre, where I felt sure of satisfying my curiosity at once,
by merely stepping into the box of those exquisite specimens of
affability and omniscience, the Misses Arabelli and Miranda
Cognoscenti. That fine tragedian, Climax, was doing lago to a
very crowded house, and I experienced some little difficulty in
making my wishes understood; especially, as our box was next
the slips, and completely overlooked the stage.





820


THE MAN THAT WAS USED UP.


"Smith?" said Miss Arabella, as she at length comprehended
the purport of my query; " Smith?-why, not General John
A. B. C.?"
" Smith?" inquired Miranda, musingly. " God bless me, did
you ever behold a finer figure?"
" Never, madam, but do tell me""Or so inimitable grace?"
"Never, upon my word!-but pray inform me""Or so just an appreciation of stage effect?"
" Madam!"
" Or a more delicate sense of the true beauties of Shakespeare? Be so good as to look at that leg!"
"The devil!" and I turned again to her sister.
"Smith?" said she, "why, not General John A. B. C.?
Horrid affair that, wasn't it?-great wretches, those Bugaboossavage and so on-but we live in a wonderfully inventive age!
-Smith!-0 yes! great man!-perfect desperado-immortal
renown-prodigies of valor! Never heard!"   [This was given
in a scream.]  "Bless my soul!-why, he's the man"'( -mandragora
Nor all the drowsy syrups of the world
Shall ever medicine thee to that sweet sleep
Which thou owd'st yesterday!"
here roared out Climax just in my ear, and shaking his fist in
my face all the time, in a way that I couldn't stand, and I wouldn't.
I left the Misses Cognoscenti immediately, went behind the
scenes forthwith, and gave the beggarly scoundrel such a thrashing as I trust he will remember to the day of his death.
At the soiree of the lovely widow, Mrs. Kathleen O'Trump, I
was confident that I should meet with no similar disappointment.
Accordingly, I was no sooner seated at the card-table, with my
pretty hostess for a vis-&-vis, than I propounded those questions
the solution of which had become a matter so essential to my
peace.
" Smith?" said my partner, " why, not General John A. B. C.?
Horrid affair that, wasn't it?-diamonds, did you say?-terrible
wretches those Kickapoos!-we are playing wzhist, if you please,
Mr. Tattle-however, this is the age of invention, most certainly





THE MAN THAT WAS USED UP.


321


the age, one may say-the age par excellence-speak French?oh, quite a hero-perfect desperado!-no hearts, Mr. Tattle? I
don't believe it!-immortal renown and all that-prodigies of
valor! Never heard!!-why, bless me, he's the man"" Mann?--Captain Mann?" here screamed some little feminine interloper from the farthest corner of the room. " Are you
talking about Captain Mann and the duel?-oh, I must hear-do
tell-go on, Mrs. O'Trump!-do now go on!"  And go on Mrs.
O'Trump did-all about a certain Captain Mann, who was either
shot or hung, or should have been both shot and hung. Yes!
Mrs. O'Trump, she went on, and I-I went off. There was no
chance of hearing anything farther that evening in regard to
Brevet Brigadier General John A. B. C. Smith.
Still I consoled myself with the reflection that the tide of ill
luck would not run against me forever, and so determined to
make a bold push for information at the rout of that bewitching
little angel, the graceful Mrs. Pirouette.
" Smith? " said Mrs. P., as we twirled about together in a pas
de zephyr, " Smith?-why not General John A. B. C.?  Dreadful business that of the Bugaboos, wasn't it?-terrible creatures,
those Indians!-do turn out your toes! I really am ashamed
of you-man of great courage, poor fellow!-but this is a won
derful age for invention-0 dear me, I'm out of breath-quite a
desperado-prodigies of valor-never heard!!-can't believe it
-I shall have to sit down and enlighten you-Smith! why, he's
the man".' Man-Fred, I tell you!" here bawled out Miss Bas-Bleu, as
I led Mrs. Pirouette to a seat. "Did ever anybody hear the
like? It's Man-Fred, I say, and not at all by any means ManFriday."  Here Miss Bas-Bleu beckoned to me in a very peremptory manner; and I was obliged, will I nill I, to leave Mrs.
P. for the purpose of deciding a dispute touching the title of a
certain poetical drama of Lord Byron's. Although I pronounced,
with great promptness, that the true title was Man-Friday, and
not by any means Man-Fred, yet when I returned to seek Mrs.
Pirouette she was not to be discovered, and I made my retreat
from the house in a very bitter spirit of animosity against the
who'e race of the Bas-Bleus.
VOL. IV.-21





'322


THE MAN THAT WAS USED UP.


Matters had now assumed a really serious aspect, and I resolved to call at once upon my particular friend, Mr. Theodore Sinivate; for I knew that here at least I should get something like
definite information.
" Smith?" said he, in his well-known peculiar way of drawling out his syllables; " Smith?-why, not General John A. B.
C.?  Savage affair that with the Kickapo-o-o-os, wasn't it?
Saj! don't you think so?-perfect despera-a-ado-great pity,
'pon my honor!-wonderfully inventive age!-pro-o-odigies of
valor! By the by, did you ever hear about Captain Ma-a-a-a-n?"
" Captain Mann be d-d!" said I, "please to go on with your
story."
"Hem!-oh well!-quite la meme cho-o-ose, as we say in
France. Smith, eh? Brigadier General John A-B-C.? I
say"-[here Mr. S. thought proper to put his finger to the side
of his nose]-" I say, you don't mean to insinuate now, really
and truly, and conscientiously, that you don't know all about that
affair of Smith's, as well as I do, eh? Smith? John A-B-C.?
Why, bless me, he's the ma-a-an"
"Mr. Sinivate," said I, imploringly, "is he the man in the
mask?"
"No-o-o!" said he, looking wise, " nor the man in the mo-o-on."
This reply I considered a pointed and positive insult, and so
left the house at once in high dudgeon, with a firm resolve to call
my friend, Mr. Sinivate, to a speedy account for his ungentlemanly conduct and ill-breeding.
In the meantime, however, I had no notion of being thwarted
touching the information I desired. There was one resource left
me yet. I would go to the fountain-head. I would call forthwith upon the General himself, and demand, in explicit terms, a
solution of this abominable piece of mystery. Here, at least,
there should be no chance for equivocation. I would be plain,
positive, peremptory-as short as pie-crust-as concise as Tacitus or Montesquieu.
It was early when I called, and the General was dressing;
but I pleaded urgent business, and was shown at once into his
bed-room by an old negro valet, who remained in attendance
during my visit. As I entered the chamber, I looked about, of





THE MAN THAT WAS USED UP.


323


course, for the occupant, but did not immediately perceive him,
There was a large and exceedingly odd-looking bundle of something which lay close by my feet on the floor, and, as I was not
in the best humor in the world, I gave it a kick out of the way.
' Hem! ahem! rather civil that, I should say!" said the bun.
dle, in one of the smallest, and altogether the funniest little
voices, between a squeak and a whistle, that I ever heard in all
the days of my existence.
" Ahem! rather civil that, I should observe."
I fairly shouted with terror, and made off, at a tangent, into
the farthest extremity of the room.
" God bless me! my dear fellow," here again whistled the
bundle, " what-what-what-why, what is the matter?    I
really believe you don't know me at all."
What could I say to all this-what could I? I staggered into
an arm-chair, and, with staring eyes and open mouth, awaited
the solution of the wonder.
" Strange you shouldn't know me though, isn't it?" presently
re-squeaked the nondescript, which I now perceived was perperforming, upon the floor, some inexplicable evolution, very
analagous to the drawing on of a stocking. There was only a
single leg, however, apparent.
" Strange you shouldn't know me, though, isn't it? Pompey,
bring me that leg!"  Here Pompey handed the bundle, a very
capital cork leg, already dressed, which it screwed on in a trice;
and then it stood up before my eyes.
"And a bloody action it was," continued the thing, as if in a
soliloquy; "but then one musn't fight with the Bugaboos and
Kickapoos, and think of coming off with a mere scratch. Pompey, I'll thank you now for that arm. Thomas' [turning to me]
" is decidedly the best hand at a cork leg; but if you should
ever want an arm, my dear fellow, you must really let me
recommend you to Bishop." Here Pompey screwed on an arm.
" We had rather hot work of it, that you may say. Now, you
dog, slip on my shoulders and bosom! Pettitt makes the best
shoulders, but for a bosom you will have to go to Ducrow."
" Bosom!" said I.
" Pompey, will you never be ready with that wig? Scalping





324


THE MAN THAT WAS USED UP.


is a rough process after all; but then you can procure such a
capital scratch at De L'Orme's."
" Scratch 1"
" Now, you nigger, my teeth! For a good set of these you
had better go to Parmly's at once; high prices, but excellent
work. I swallowed some very capital articles, though, when
the big Bugaboo rammed me down with the but end of his
rifle."
" Butt end! ram down!! my eye!!"
S0 yes, by-the-by, my eye-here, Pompey, you scamp, screw
it in! Those Kickapoos are not so very slow at a gouge; but
he's a belied man, that Dr. Williams, after all; you can't imagine how well I see with the eyes of his make."
I now began very clearly to perceive that the object before me
was nothing more nor less than my new acquaintance, Brevet
Brigadier General John A. B. C. Smith. The manipulations of
Pompey had made, I must confess, a very striking difference in
the appearance of the personal man. The voice, however, still
puzzled me no little; but even this apparent mystery was speedily cleared up.
" Pompey, you black rascal," squeaked the General, " I really
do believe you would let me go out without my palate."
Hereupon the negro, grumbling out an apology, went up to his
master, opened his mouth with the knowing air of a horse-jockey,
and adjusted therein a somewhat singular-looking machine, in a
very dexterous manner, that I could not altogether comprehend.
The alteration, however, in the entire expression of the General's
countenance was instantaneous and surprising. When he again
spoke, his voice had resumed all that rich melody and strength
which I had noticed upon our original introduction.
"D-n the vagabonds!" said he, in so clear a tone that I positively started at the change, " D-n the vagabonds! they not
only knocked in the roof of my mouth, but took the trouble to
cut off at least seven-eighths of my tongue. There is'nt Bonfanti's equal, however, in America, for really good articles of this
description. I can recommend you to him with confidence,"
[here the General bowed,] and assure you that 1 have the greatest pleasure in so doing."





THE MAN THAT WAS USED UP.               325
I acknowledged his kindniess in my best manner, and took leave
of him at once, with a perfect understanding of the true state
of affairs-with a full comprehension of the mystery which had
troubled me so long. It was evident. It was a clear case. Brevet
Brigadier General John A. B. C. Smith was the man-   was
the man that was used up.





THE BUSINESS        MAN.
Method is the soul of business.-OLD SAYINO.
I AM a business man. I am a methodical man. Method is
the thing, after all. But there are no people I more heartily
despise, than your eccentric fools who prate about method without understanding it; attending strictly to its letter, and violating
its spirit. These fellows are always doing the most out-of-theway things in what they call an orderly manner. Now here-I
conceive-is a positive paradox. True method appertains to the
ordinary and the obvious alone, and cannot be applied to the
outre. What definite idea can a body attach to such expressions
as " methodical Jack o' Dandy," or " a systematical Will o' the
Wisp?"
My notions upon this head might not have been so clear as they
are, but for a fortunate accident which happened to me when I
was a very little boy. A good-hearted old Irish nurse (whom I
shall not forget in my will) took me up one day by the heels,
when I was making more noise than was necessary, and, swinging me round two or three times, d-d my eyes for " a skreeking little spalpeen," and then knocked my head into a cocked hat
against the bed-post. This, I say, decided my fate, and made my
fortune. A bump arose at once on my sinciput, and turned out
to be as pretty an organ of order as one shall see on a summer's
day. Hence that positive appetite for system and regularity
which has made me the distinguished man of business that I am.
If there is any thing on earth I hate, it is a genius. Your
geniuses are all arrant asses-the greater the genius the greater





METHOD IS THE SOUL OF BUSINESS.


327


the ass-and to this rule there is no exception whatever. Especially, you cannot make a man of business out of a genius, any
more than money out of a Jew, or the best nutmegs out of pineknots. The creatures are always going off at a tangent into some
fantastic employment, or ridiculous speculation, entirely at variance with the " fitness of things," and having no business whatever to be considered as a business at all. Thus you may tell
these characters immediately by the nature of their occupations.
If you ever perceive a man setting up as a merchant or a manufacturer; or going into the cotton or tobacco trade, or any of
those eccentric pursuits; or getting to be a dry-goods dealer, or
soap-boiler, or something of that kind; or pretending to be a
lawyer, or a blacksmith, or a physician-anything out of the
usual way-you may set him down at once as a genius, and then,
according to the rule-of-three, he's an ass.
Now I am not in any respect a genius, but a regular business
man. My Day-book and Ledger will evince this in a minute.
They are well kept, though I say it myself; and, in my general
habits of accuracy and punctuality, I am not to be beat by a
clock. Moreover, my occupations have been always made to
chime in with the ordinary habitudes of my fellow-men. Not
that I feel the least indebted, upon this score, to my exceedingly
weak-minded parents, who, beyond doubt, would have made an
arrant genius of me at last, if my guardian angel had not come,
in good time, to the rescue. In biography the truth is everything, and in auto-biography it is especially so-yet I scarcely
hope to be believed when I state, however solemnly, that my
poor father put me, when I was about fifteen years of age, into
the counting-house of what he termed " a respectable hardware
and commission merchant doing a capital bit of business!" A
capital bit of fiddlestick!  However, the consequence of this
folly was, that in two or three days, I had to be sent home to
my button-headed family in a high state of fever, and with a most
violent and dangerous pain in the sinciput, all round about my
organ of order. It was nearly a gone case with me then-just
touch-and-go for six weeks-the physicians giving me up and all
that sort of thing. But, although I suffered much, I was a





328      METHOD IS THE sOUL OF BUSINESS.


thankful boy in the main. I was saved from being a "respectable hardware and commission merchant, doing a capital bit of
business," and I felt grateful to the protuberance which had been
the means of my salvation, as well as to the kind-hearted female
who had originally put these means within my reach.
The most of boys run away from home at ten or twelve years
of age, but I waited till I was sixteen. I don't know that I
should have gone, even then, if I had not happened to hear my
old mother tallk about setting me up on my own hook in the
grocery way. The grocery way!-only think of that! I resolved
to be off forthwith, and try and establish myself in some decent occupation, without dancing attendance any longer upon the caprices of these eccentric old people, and running the risk of being
made a genius of in the end. In this project I succeeded perfectly well at the first effort, and by the time I was fairly eighteen, found myself doing an extensive and profitable business in
the Tailor's Walking-Advertisement line.
I was enabled to discharge the onerous duties of this profession,
only by that rigid adherence to system which formed the leading
feature of my mind. A scrupulous method characterized my
actions as well as my accounts. In my case, it was method--
not money-which made the man: at least all of him that was
not made by the tailor whom I served. At nine, every morning,
I called upon that individual for the clothes of the day. Ten
o'clock found me in some fashionable promenade or other place
of public amusement. The precise regularity with which I turned
my handsome person about, so as to bring successively into view
every portion of the suit upon my back, was the admiration of
all the knowing men in the trade. Noon never passed without
my bringing home a customer to the house of my employers,
Messrs. Cut and Comeagain. I say this proudly, but with tears
in my eyes-for the firm proved themselves the basest of ingrates.
The little account about which we quarrelled and finally parted,
cannot, in any item, be thought overcharged, by gentleman really
conversant with the nature of the business. Upon this point,
however, I feel a degree of proud satisfaction in permitting the
reader to judge for himself. My bill ran thus:





THE BUSINESS MAN.


329


MAessrs. Out and Comeagain, Merchant Tailors.
To Peter Proffit, Walking Advertiser,  Drs.
July 10. To promenade, as usual, and customer brought home,  $00 25
July 11. To    do            do           do               25
July 12. To one lie, second class; damaged black cloth sold for
invisible green,                                 25
July 13. To one lie, first class, extra quality and size; recommending milled sattinet as broadcloth,           75
July 20. To purchasing bran new paper shirt collar or dickey,
to set off gray Petersham,                        2
Aug. 15. To wearing double-padded bobtail frock, (thermometer 706 in the shade,)                           25
Aug. 16. Standing on one leg three hours, to show off newstyle strapped pants at 121 cents per leg per hour,  374
Aug. 17. To promenade, as usual, and large customer brought
(fat man,)                                       50
Aug. 18. To     do           do         (medium size,)     25
Aug 19. To      do            do (small man and bad pay,)   6
$2 961
The item chiefly disputed in this bill was the very moderate
charge of two pennies for the dickey. Upon my word of honor,
this was not an unreasonable price for that dickey. It was one
of the cleanest and prettiest little dickeys I ever saw; and I
have good reason to believe that it effected the sale of three Petershams. The elder partner of the firm, however, would allow
me only one penny of the charge, and took it upon himself to
show in what manner four of the same sized conveniences could
be got out of a sheet of foolscap. But it is needless to say that
I stood upon the principle of the thing.  Business is business,
and should be done in a business way. There was no system
whatever in swindling me out of a penny-a clear fraud of fifty
per cent.-no method in any respect. I left at once the employ.
ment of Messrs. Cut and Comeagain, and set up in the Eye-Sore
line by myself-one of the most lucrative, respectable and independent of the ordinary occupations.
My strict integrity, economy, and rigorous business habits, here
again came into play. I found myself driving a flourishing trade,
and soon became a marked man upon ' Change.' The truth is, I
never dabbled in flashy matters, but jogged on in the good old





330


THE BUSINESS MAN.


sober routine of the calling--a calling in which I should, no
doubt, have remained to the present hour, but for a little accident
which happened to me in the prosecution of one of the usual business operations of the profession. Whenever a rich old hunks,
or prodigal heir, or bankrupt corporation, gets into the notion of
putting up a palace, there is no such thing in the world as stopping either of them, and this every intelligent person knows. The
fact in question is indeed the basis of the Eye-Sore trade. As soon,
therefore, as a building project is fairly afoot by one of these parties, we merchants secure a nice corner of the lot in contemplation, or a prime little situation just adjoining or right in front.
This done, we wait until the palace is half-way up, and then we
pay some tasty architect to run us up an ornamental mud hovel,
right against it; or a Down-East or Dutch Pagoda, or a pig-sty,
or an ingenious little bit of fancy work, either Esquimau, Kickapoo, or Hottentot. Of course, we can't afford to take these
structures down under a bonus of five hundred per cent. upon
the prime cost of bur lot and plaster.  Can we? I ask the
question. I ask it of business men. It would be irrational to
suppose that we can. And yet there was a rascally corporation
which asked me to do this very thing-this very thing! I did
not reply to their absurd proposition, of course; but I felt it a
duty to go that same night, and lamp-black the whole of their
palace. For this, the unreasonable villains clapped me into jail;
and the gentlemen of the Eye-Sore trade could not well avoid
cutting my connection when I came out.
The Assault and Battery business, into which I was now forced
to adventure for a livelihood, was somewhat ill-adapted to the
delicate nature of my constitution; but I went to work in it with
a good heart, and found my account, here as heretofore, in those
stern habits of methodical accuracy which had been thumped
into me by that delightful old nurse-I would indeed be the
basest of men not to remember her well in my will. By observing, as I say, the strictest system in all my dealings, and keeping
a well-regulated set of books, I was enabled to get over many
serious difficulties, and, in the end, to establish myself very
decently in the profession. The truth is, that few individuals, in
any line, did a snugger little business than I. I will just copy a





THE BUSINESS MA N.


331


page or so out of my Day-Book; and this will save me the
necessity of blowing my own trumpet-a contemptible practice,
of which nio high-minded man will be guilty. Now, the DayBook is a thing that don't lie.
"Jan. 1.-New Year's day. Met Snap in the street, groggy.
Mem-he'll do. Met Gruff shortly afterwards, blind drunk.
Mem-he'll answer too. Entered both gentlemen in my Ledger,
and opened a running account with each.
"Jan 2.-Saw Snap at the Exchange, and went up and trod on
his toe. Doubled his fist and knocked me down. Good!-got
up again. Some trifling difficulty with Bag, my attorney. I
want the damages at a thousand, but he says that, for so simple
a knock-down, we can't lay them at more than five hundred.
Mem-must get rid of Bag-no system at all.
" Jan. 3.-Went to the theatre, to look for Gruff. Saw him
sitting in a side box, in the second tier, between a fat lady and a
lean one. Quizzed the whole party through an opera-glass, till
I saw the fat lady blush and whisper to G. Went round, then,
into the box, and put my nose within reach of his hand. Wouldn't
pull it-no go. Blew it, and tried again-no go. Sat down
then, and winked at the lean lady, when I had the high satisfaction of finding him lift me up by the nape of the neck, and fling
me over into the pit. Neck dislocated, and right leg capitally
splintered. Went home in high glee, drank a bottle of champagne, and booked the young man for five thousand. Bag says
it'll do.
" Feb. 15.-Compromised the case of Mr. Snap. Amount
entered in Journal-fifty cents-which see.
" Feb. 16.-Cast by that villain, Gruff, who made me a present
of five dollars. Costs of suit, four dollars and twenty-five cents.
Nett profit-see Journal-seventy-five cents."
Now, here is a clear gain, in a very brief period, of no less
than one dollar and twenty five cents-this is in the mere cases
of Snap and Gruff; and I solemnly assure the reader that these
extracts are taken at random from my Day-Book.
It's an old saying, and a true one, however, that money is
nothing in comparison with health. I found the exactions of
the profession somewhat too much for my delicate state of body;





332


THE BUSINESS MAN.


and, discovering, at last, that I was knocked all out of shape, so
that I did't know very well what to make of the matter, and so
that my friends, when they met me in the street, could'nt tell
that I was Peter Profit at all, it occurred to me that the best
expedient I could adopt, was to alter my line of business. I
turned my attention, therefore, to Mud-Dabbling, and continued
it for some years.
The worst of this occupation, is, that too many people take a
fancy to it, and the competition is in consequence excessive.
Every ignoramus of a fellow who finds that he hasn't brains in
sufficient quantity to make his way as a walking advertiser, or
an eye-sore-prig, or a salt and batter man, thinks, of course, that
he'll answer very well as a dabbler of mud. But there never
was entertained a more erroneous idea than that it requires no
brains to mud-dabble. Especially, there is nothing to be made in
this way without method. I did only a retail business myself,
but my old habits of system carried me swimmingly along. I
selected my street-crossing, in the first place, with great
deliberation, and I never put down a broom in any part of the
town but that. I took care, too, to have a nice little puddle at
hand, which I could get at in a minute. By these means I got
to be well known as a man to be trusted; and this is one-half
the battle, let me tell you, in trade. Nobody ever failed to
pitch me a copper, and got over my crossing with a clean pair of
pantaloons. And, as my business habits, in this respect, were
sufficiently understood, I never met with any attempt at imposition. I would'nt have put up with it, if I had. Never imposing
upon any one myself, I suffered no one to play the possum with
me. The frauds of the banks of course I could'nt help. Their
suspension put me to ruinous inconvenience. These, however,
are not individuals, but corporations; and corporations, it is very
well known, have neither bodies to be kicked, nor souls to be
damned.
I was making money at this business, when, in an evil moment, I was induced to merge in the Cur-Spattering-a somewhat analogous, but, by no means, so respectable a profession.
My location, to be sure, was an excellent one, being central, and
I had capital blacking and brushes. My little dog, too, was





THE BUSINESS MAN.


333


quite fat and up to all varieties of snuff. He had been in the
trade a long time, and, I may say, understood it. Our general
routine was this;-Pompey, having rolled himself well in the
mud, sat upon end at the shop door, until he observed a dandy
approaching in bright boots. He then proceeded to meet him,
and gave the Wellingtons a rub or two with his wool. Then
the dandy swore very much, and looked about for a boot-black.
There I was, full in his view, with blacking and brushes. It
was only a minute's work, and then came a sixpence. This did
moderately well for a time;-in fact, I was not avaricious, but
my dog was. I allowed him a third of the profit, but he was
advised to insist upon half. This I could'nt stand-so we
quarrelled and parted.
I next tried my hand at the Organ-grinding for a while, and
may say that I made out pretty well. It is a plain, straightforward business, and requires no particular abilities. You can
get a music-mill for a mere song, and, to put it in order, you
have but to open the works, and give them three or four smart
raps with a hammer. It improves the tone of the thing, for
business purposes, more than you can imagine. This done, you
have only to stroll along, with the mill on your back, until you
see tan-bark in the street, and a knocker wrapped up in buckskin. Then you stop and grind; looking as if you meant to stop
and grind till doomsday. Presently a window opens, and somebody pitches you a sixpence, with a request to " Hush up and
go on," &c. I am aware that some grinders have actually
afforded to "go on" for this sum; but for my part, I found the
necessary outlay of capital too great, to permit of my " going on"
under a shilling.
At this occupation I did a good deal; but, somehow, I was
not quite satisfied, and so finally abandoned it. The truth is, I
labored under the disadvantage of having no monkey-and
American streets are so muddy, and a Democratic rabble is so
obtrusive, and so full of demnition mischievous little boys.
I was now out of employment for some months, but at length
succeeded, by dint of great interest, in procuring a situation in
the Sham-Post. The duties, here, are simple, and not altogether
unprofitable. For example:-very early in the morning I had





334


THE BUSINESS MAN.


to make up my packet of sham letters. Upon the inside of each
of these I had to scrawl a few lines-on any subject which
occurred to me as sufficiently mysterious-signing all the epistles
Tom Dobson, or Bobby Tompkins, or anything in that way.
Having folded and sealed all, and stamped them with sham postmarks-New Orleans, Bengal, Botany Bay, or any other place
a great way off-I set out, forthwith, upon my daily route, as if
in a very great hurry. I always called at the big houses to
deliver the letters, and receive the postage. Nobody hesitates
at paying for a letter-especially for a double one-people are
such fools-and it was no trouble to get round a corner before
there was time to open the epistles. The worst of this profession was, that I had to walk so much and so fast; and so
frequently to vary my route. Besides, I had serious scruples
of conscience. I can't bear to hear innocent individuals abused
-and the way the whole town took to cursing Tom Dobson and
Bobby Tompkins, was really awful to hear. I washed my hands
of the matter in disgust.
My eighth and last speculation has been in the Cat-Growing
way. I have found this a most pleasant and lucrative business,
and, really, no trouble at all. The country, it is well known,
has become infested with cats-so much so of late, that a petition
for relief, most numerously and respectably signed, was brought
before the legislature at its late memorable session.  The
assembly, at this epoch, was unusually well-informed, and,
having passed many other wise and wholesome enactments, it
crowned all with the Cat-Act. In its original form, this law
offered a premium for cat-heads, (fourpence a-piece) but the
Senate succeeded in amending the main clause, so as to substitute the word "tails" for "heads."  This amendment was so
obviously proper, that the house concurred in it nenz. con.
As soon as the Governor had signed the bill, I invested my
whole estate in the purchase of Toms and Tabbies. At first, I could
only afford to feed them upon mice (which are cheap), but they
fulfilled the Scriptural injunction at so marvellous a rate, that I
at length considered it my best policy to be liberal, and so indulged
them in oysters and turtle. Their tails, at a legislative price, now
bring me in a good income; for I have discovered a way, in





THE BUSINESS MAN,                   1 )
which, by means o-l Macassar oil, I can force t~hree crops in a
year. It delights me to find, too, that the animals soon get
accustomed to the thing, and would rather have the appendages
cut off than otherwise. I consider, myself, therefore, a made
man, and am bargaining for a country seat on the Hudson.





THE LANDSCAPE GARDEN.
Ti7e garden like a lady fair was cut,
That lay as if she slumbered in delight,
And to the open skies her eyes did shut;
The azure fields of heaven were 'sembled right
In a large round set with the flow'rs of light:
The flowers de luce and the round sparks of dew
That hung upon their azure leaves, did show
Like twinkling stars that sparkle in the ev'ning blue.
GILES FLETCIIER
No more remarkable man ever lived than my friend, the youn g
Ellison. He was remarkable in the entire and continuous profusion of good gifts ever lavished upon him by fortune.  From
his cradle to his grave, a gale of the blandest prosperity bore
him  along.  Nor do I use the word Prosperity in its mere
worldly or external sense. I mean it as synonymous with happiness. The person of whom I speak, seemed born for the purpose of foreshadowing the wild doctrines of Turgot, Price,
Priestly, and Condorcet-of exemplifying, by individual instance,
what has been deemed the mere chimera of the perfectionists.
In the brief existence of Ellison, I fancy that I have seen refuted
the dogma-that in man's physical and spiritual nature, lies some
hidden principle, the antagonist of Bliss. An intimate and
anxious examination of his career, has taught me to understand
that, in general, from the violation of a few simple laws of
Humanity, arises the Wretchedness of mankind; that, as a
species, we have in our possession the as yet unwrought elements
of Content; and that, even now, in the present blindness and
darkness of all idea on the great question of the Social Condition, it is not impossible that Man, the individual, under certain
unusual and highly fortuitous conditions, may be happy.





THE LANDSCAPE GARDEN.


337


With opinions such as these was my young friend fully imbued; and thus is it especially worthy of observation that the
uninterrupted enjoyment which distinguished his life was in great
part the result of preconcert. It is, indeed, evident, that with
less of the instinctive philosophy which, now and then, stands so
well in the stead of experience, Mr. Ellison would have found
himself precipitated, by the very extraordinary successes of his
life, into the common vortex of Unhappiness which yawns for
those of pre-eminent endowments. But it is by no means my
present object to pen an essay on Happiness. The ideas of my
friend may be summed up in a few words. He admitted but
four unvarying laws, or rather elementary principles, of Bliss.
That which he considered chief, was (strange to say!) the simple
and purely physical one of free exercise in the open air. "The
health," he said, " attainable by other means than this is scarcely
worth the name."  He pointed to the tillers of the earth-the
only people who, as a class, are proverbially more happy than
ethers-and then he instanced the high ecstacies of the foxhunter. His second principle was the love of woman. His third
was the contempt of ambition. His fourth was an object of
unceasing pursuit; and he held that, other things being equal,
the extent of happiness was proportioned to the spirituality of
this object.
I have said that Ellison was remarkable in the continuous
profusion of good gifts lavished upon him by Fortune. In personal grace and beauty he exceeded all men.  His intellect
was of that order to which the attainment of knowledge is less a
labor than a necessity and an intuition. His family was one of
the most illustrious of the empire. His bride was the loveliest
and most devoted of women. His possessions had been always
ample; but, upon the attainment of his one and twentieth year,
it was discovered that one of those extraordinary freaks of Fate
had been played in his behalf, which startle the whole social
world amid which they occur, and seldom fail radically to alter
the entire moral constitution of those who are their objects. It
appears that about one hundred years prior to Mr. Ellison's
attainment of his majority, there had died, in a remote province,
one Mr. Seabright Ellison.  This gentleman had amassed a
VOL. IV.-22





338


THE LANDSCAPE GARDEN.


princely fortune, and, having no very immediate connections,
conceived the whim of suffering his wealth to accumulate for a
century after his decease. Minutely and sagaciously directing
the various modes of investment, he bequeathed the aggregate
amount to the nearest of blood, bearing the name Ellison, who
should be alive at the end of the hundred years. Many futile
attempts had been made to set aside this singular bequest; their
expostfacto character rendered them   abortive; but the attention of a jealous government was aroused, and a decree finally
obtained, forbidding all similar accumulations. This act did Ano
prevent young Ellison, upon his twenty-first birth-day, from
entering into possession, as the heir of his ancestor Seabright, of
a fortune of four hundred and fifty millions of dollars.*
When it had become definitely known that such was the enormous wealth inherited, there were, of course, many speculations,s to the mode of its disposal. The gigantic magnitude and the;mmediately available nature of the sum, dazzled and bewildertd all who thought upon the topic. The possessor of any appreciable amount of money might have been imagined to perform
any one of a thousand things. With riches merely surpassing
those of any citizen, it would have been easy to suppose him
engaging to supreme excess in the fashionable extravagances of
his time; or busying himself with political intrigues; or aiming
at ministerial power; or purchasing increase of nobility; or
devising gorgeous architectural piles; or collecting large specimens of Virtu; or playing the munificent patron of Letters and
Art; or endowing and bestowing his name upon extensive institutions of charity.  But, for the inconceivable wealth in the
actual possession of the young heir, these objects and all ordinary objects were felt to be inadequate. Recourse was had to
figures; and figures but sufficed to confound. It was seen, that
* An incident similar in outline to the one here imagined, occurred, not
very long ago. in England. The name of the fortunate heir (who still lives,)
is Thelluson. I first saw an account of this matter in the "' Tour" of Prince
Puckler Muskau. He makes the sum received ninety millions of pounds,
and observes, with much force, that " in the contemplation of so vast a sum,
and of the services to which it might be applied, there is something even of
the sublime." To suit the views of this article, I have followed the Prince's
statement-a grossly exaggerated one, no doubt.





THE LANDSCAPE GARDEN.


339


even at three per cent., the annual income of the inheritance
amounted to no less than thirteen millions and five hundred
thousand dollars; which was one million and one hundred and
twenty-five thousand per month; or thirty-six thousand, nine
hundred and eighty-six per day; or one thousand five huudred
and forty-one per hour; or six and twenty dollars for every
minute that flew.  Thus, the usual track of supposition was
thoroughly broken up. Men knew not what to imagine. There
were some who even conceived that Mr. Ellison would divest
himself forthwith of at least two-thirds of his fortune as of
utterly superfluous opulence; enriching whole troops of his rela
tives by division of his superabundance.
I was not surprised, however, to perceive that he had long
made up his mind upon a topic which had occasioned so much
of discussion to his friends. Nor was I greatly astonished at
the nature of his decision. In the widest and noblest sense, he
was a poet. He comprehended, moreover, the true character,
the august aims, the supreme majesty and dignity of the poetic
sentiment.  The proper gratification of the sentiment he instinctively felt to lie in the creation ofJ novel forms of Beauty.
Some peculiarities, either in his early education, or ii~ the nature
of his intellect, had tinged with what is termed materialism the
whole cast of his ethical speculations; and it was this bias, perhaps, which imperceptibly led him to perceive that the most
advantageous, if' not the sole legitimate field for the exercise of
the poetic sentiment, was to be found in the creation of novel
moods of purely physical loveliness. Thus it happened that he
became neither musician nor poet; if we use this'latter term in
its every-day acceptation. Or it might have been that he became neither the one nor the other, in pursuance of an idea of
his which I have already mentioned-the idea, that in the contempt of ambition lay one of the essential principles of happiness on earth. Is it not, indeed, possible that while a high order
of genius is necessarily ambitious, the highest is invariably above
that which is termed ambition? And may it not thus happen
that many far greater than Milton, have contentedly remained
"' mute and inglorious?" I believe that the world has never yet
seen, and that, unless through some series of accidents goading





340


THE LANDSCAPE GARDEN.


the noblest order of mind into distasteful exertion, the world
will never behold that full extent of triumphant execution, in the
richer productions of Art, of which the human nature is absolutely capable.
Mr. Ellison became neither musician nor poet; although no
man lived more profoundly enamored both of Music and the
Muse. Under other circumstances than those which invested
him, it is not impossible that he would have become a painter.
The field of sculpture, although in its nature rigidly poetical,
was too limited in its extent and in its consequences, to have
occupied, at any time, much of his attention. And I have now
mentioned all the provinces in which even the most liberal understanding of the poetic sentiment has declared this sentiment
capable of expatiating. I mean the most liberal public or recognized conception of the idea involved in the phrase "poetic sentiment."  But Mr. Ellison imagined that the richest, and altogether the most natural and most suitable province, had been
blindly neglected. No definition had spoken of the LandscapeGardener, as of the poet; yet my friend could not fail to perceive that the creation of the Landscape-Garden offered to the
true muse the most magnificent of opportunities. Here was,
indeed, the fairest field for the display of invention, or imagination, in the endless combining of forms of novel Beauty; the
elements which should enter into combination being, at all times,
and by a vast superiority, the most glorious which the earth
could afford. In the multiform of the tree, and in the multicolor
of the flower, he recognized the most direct and the most
energetic efforts of Nature at physical loveliness. And in the
direction or concentration of this effort, or, still more properly,
in its adaptation to the eyes which were to behold it upon earth,
he perceived that he should be employing the best meanslaboring to the greatest advantage-in the fulfilment of his
destiny as Poet.
" Its adaptation to the eyes which were to behold it upon
earth." In his explanation of this phraseology, Mr. Ellison did
much towards solving what has always seemed to me an enigma.
I mean the fact (which none but the ignorant dispute), that no
such combinations of scenery exist in Nature as the painter of





THE LANDSCAPE GARDEN.


341


genius has in his power to produce. No such Paradises are to
be found in reality as have glowed upon the canvass of Claude.
In the most enchanting of natural landscapes, there Will always
be found a defect or an excess--many excesses and defects
While the component parts may exceed, individually, the highest
skill of the artist, the arrangement of the parts will always be
susceptible of improvement. In short, no position can be attained, fiom which an artistical eye, looking steadily, will not
find matter of offence, in what is technically termed the composition of a natural landscape. And yet how unintelligible is this!
In all other matters we are justly instructed to regard Nature as
supreme. With her details we shrink from competition. Who
shall presume to imitate the colors of the tulip, or to improve
the proportions of the lily of the valley? The criticism which
says, of sculpture or of portraiture, that "Nature is to be exalted rather than imitated," is in error. No pictorial or sculptural combinations of points of human loveliness, do more than
approach the living and breathing human beauty as it gladdens
our daily path. Byron, who often erred, erred not in saying,
I've seen more living beauty, ripe and real,
Than all the nonsense of their stone ideal.
In landscape alone is the principle of the critic true; and, having felt its truth here, it is but the headlong spirit of' generalization which has induced him to pronounce it true throughout all
the domains of Art.  Having, I say, felt its truth here. For
the feeling is no affectation or chimera.  The mathematics
afford no more absolute demonstrations, than the sentiment of his
Art yields to the artist.  He not only believes, but positively
knows, that such and such apparently arbitrary arrangements of
matter, or form, constitute, and alone constitute, the true Beauty.
Yet his reasons have not yet been matured into expression. It
remains for a more profound analysis than the world has yet
seen, fully to investigate and express them. Nevertheless is he
confirmed in his instinctive opinions, by the concurrence of all
his compeers. Let a composition be defective; let an emendation be wrought in its mere arrangement of form; let this emendation be submitted to every artist in the world; by each will





342


THE LANDSCAPE GARDEN.


its necessity be admitted. And even far more than this; in
remedy of the defective composition, each insulated member of
the fraternity will suggest the identical emendation.
I repeat that in landscape arrangements, or collocations alone,
is the physical Nature susceptible of " exaltation," and that,
therefore, her susceptibility of improvement at this one point,
was a mystery which, hitherto I had been unable to solve. It
was Mr. Ellison who first suggested the idea that what we
regarded as improvement or exaltation of the natural beauty,
was really such, as respected only the mortal or human point of
view; that each alteration or disturbance of the primitive scenery
might possibly effect a blemish in the picture, if we could suppose this picture viewed at large from some remote point in thm
heavens. "-It is easily understood," says Mr. Ellison, "that
what might improve a closely scrutinized detail, might, at the
same time, injure a general and more distantly-observed effect."
He spoke upon this topic with warmth: regarding not so much
its immediate or obvious importance, (which is little,) as the
character of the conclusions to which it might lead, or of the
collateral propositions which it might serve to corroborate or
sustain. There might be a class of beings, human once, but now
to humanity invisible, for whose scrutiny, and for whose refined
appreciation of the beautiful, more especially than for our own,
had been set in order by God the great landscape-garden of the
whole earth.
In the course of our discussion, my young friend took occasion
to quote some passages from a writer who has been supposed to
have well treated this theme.
"There are, properly," he writes, " but two styles of landscapegardening, the natural and the artificial. One seeks to recall
the original beauty of the country, by adapting its means to the
surrounding scenery; cultivating trees in harmony with the
hills or plain of the neighboring land; detecting and bringing
into practice those nice relations of size, proportion, and color
which, hid from the common observer, are revealed everywhere
to the experienced student of nature. The result of the natural
style of gardening, is seen rather in the absence of all defects
and incongruities-in the prevalence of a beautiful harmony and





THE LANDSCAPE GARDEN.


343


order, than in the creation of any special wonders or miracles.
The artificial style has as many varieties as there are different
tastes to gratify. It has a certain general relation to the various
styles of building. There are the stately avenues and retire.
ments of Versailles; Italian terraces; and a various mixed old
English style, which bears some relation to the domestic Gothic
or English Elizabethan architecture. Whatever may be said
against the abuses of the artificial landscape-gardening, a mixture of pure art in a garden scene, adds to it a great beauty.
This is partly pleasing to the eye, by the show of order and
design, and partly moral. A terrace, with an old moss-covered
balustrade, calls up at once to the eye, the fair forms that have
passed there in other days. The slightest exhibition of art is an
evidence of care and human interest."
" From what I have already observed," said Mr. Ellison;
" you will understand that I reject the idea, here expressed, of
'recalling the original beauty of the country.' The original
beauty is never so great as that which may be introduced. Of
course, much depends upon the selection of a spot with capabilities.  What is said in respect to the ' detecting and bringing
into practice those nice relations of size, proportion, and color,'
is a mere vagueness of speech, which may mean much, or little,
or nothing, and which guides in no degree. That the true ' result
of the natural style of gardening is seen rather in the absence
of all defects and incongruities, than in the creation of any
special wonders or miracles,' is a proposition better suited to the
grovelling apprehension of the herd, than to the fervid dreams
of the man of genius. The merit suggested is, at best, negative,
and appertains to that hobbling criticism which, in letters, would,
elevate Addison into apotheosis. In truth, while that merit which
consists in the mere avoiding demerit, appeals directly to the
understanding, and can thus be foreshadowed in Rule, the loftier
merit, which breathes and flames in invention or creation, can
be apprehended solely in its results. Rule applies but to the
excellences of avoidance-to the virtues which deny or refrain.
Beyond these the critical art can but suggest. We may be in,
structed to build an Odyssey, but it is in vain that we are told
how to conceive a ' Tempest,' an 'Inferno,' a 'Prometheus Bound,'





844


THE LANDSCAPE GARDEN..a Nightingale,' such as that of Keats, or the 'Sensitive Plant'
of Shelley. But, the thing done, the wonder accomplished, and
the capacity for apprehension becomes universal. The sophists
of the negative school, who through inability to create, have
scoffed at creation, are now found the loudest in applause. What,
in its chrysalis condition of principle, affronted their demure
reason, never fails, in its maturity of accomplishment, to extort admiration from their instinct of the beautiful or of the
sublime.
"Our author's observations on the artificial style of gardening," continued Mr. Ellison, " are less objectionable. 'A mixture of pure art in a garden scene, adds to it a great beauty.'
This is just; and the reference to the sense of human interest is
equally so. I repeat that the principle here expressed, is incontrovertible; but there may be something even beyond it. There
may be an object in full keeping with the principle suggestedan object unattainable by the means ordinarily in possession of
mankind, yet which, if attained, would lend a charm to the landscape-garden immeasurably surpassing that which a merely
human interest could bestow. The true poet possessed of very
unusual pecuniary resources, might possibly, while retaining the
necessary idea of art or interest or culture, so imbue his designs
at once with extent and novelty of Beauty, as to convey the
sentiment of spiritual interference.  It will be seen that, in
bringing about such result, he secures all the advantages of
interest or design, while relieving his work of all the harshness
and technicality of Art. In the most rugged of wildernessesin the most savage of the scenes of pure Nature-there is apparent the art of a Creator; yet is this art apparent only to reflection; in no respect has it the obvious force of a feeling. Now,
if we imagine this sense of the Almighty Design to be harmonized in a measurable degree; if we suppose a landscape whose
combined strangeness, vastness, definitiveness, and magnificence,
shall inspire the idea of culture, or care, or superintendence, on
the part of intelligences superior yet akin to humanity-then,t.he sentiment of interest is preserved, while the Art is made to
assume the air of an intermediate or;econdary Nature-a Nature.which is not God, nor an emanation of God, but which still is





THE LANDSCAPE GARDEN.                 345
Nature, in the sense that it is the handi-work of the angels that
hover between man and God."
It was in devoting his gigantic wealth to the practical embodiment of a vision such as this-in the free exercise in the open
air, which resulted from personal direction of his plans-in the
continuous and unceasing object which these plans afforded
-in the high spirituality of the object itself-in the contempt of ambition which it enabled him more to feel than
to affect-and, lastly, it was in the companionship Pnd sympathy
of a devoted wife, that Ellison thought to find, and found, an
exemption from the ordinary cares of Humanity, with a far
greater amount of positive happiness than ever glowed in the
rapt day-dreams of De Stdel.





MAELZEL'S CHESS-PLAYER.
PERHAPS no exhibition of the kind has ever elicited so
general attention as the Chess-Player of Maelzel. Wherever
seen it has been an object of intense curiosity, to all persons who
think. Yet the question of its modus operandi is still undetermined. Nothing has been written on this topic which can be
considered as decisive-and accordingly we find everywhere
men of mechanical genius, of great general acuteness, and discriminative understanding, who make no scruple in pronouncing
the Automaton a pure machine, unconnected with human agency
in its movements, and consequently, beyond all comparison, the
most astonishing of the inventions of mankind. And such it
would undoubtedly be, were they right in their supposition.
Assuming this hypothesis, it would be grossly absurd to compare
with the Chess-Player, any similar thing of either modern or
ancient days. Yet there have been many and wonderful automata. In Brewster's Letters on Natural Magic, we have an
account of the most remarkable. Among these may be mentioned, as having beyond doubt existed, firstly, the coach invented
by M. Camus for the amusement of Louis XIV. when a child.
A table, about four feet square, was introduced into the room
appropriated for the exhibition. Upon this table was placed a
carriage six inches in length, made of wood, and drawn by two
horses of the same material. One window being down, a lady
was seen on the back seat. A coachman held the reins on the
box, and a footman and page were in their places behind. M.
Camus now touched a spring; whereupon the coachman smacked





MAELZEL'S CHESS-PLAYER.


347


his whip, and the horses proceeded in a natural manner, along
the edge of the table, drawing after them the carriage. Having
gone as far as possible in this direction, a sudden turn was made
to the left, and the vehicle was driven at right angles to its
former course, and still closely along the edge of the table. In
this way the coach proceeded until it arrived opposite the chair
of the young prince. It then stopped, the page descended and
opened the door, the lady alighted, and presented a petition to
her sovereign. She then re-entered.  The page put up the
steps, closed the door, and resumed his station. The coachman
whipped his horses, and the carriage was driven back to its
original position.
The magician of M. Maillardet is also worthy of notice. We
copy the following account of it from the Letters before mentioned
of Dr. B., who derived his information principally from the
Edinburgh Encyclopedia.
" One of the most popular pieces of mechanism which we
have seen, is the Magician constructed by M. Maillardet, for the
purpose of answering certain given questions. A figure, dressed
like a magician, appears seated at the bottom of a wall, holding
a wand in one hand, and a book in the other. A numbervf
questions, ready prepared, are inscribed on oval medallions, and
the spectator takes any of these he chooses, and to which lie
wishes an answer, and having placed it in a drawer ready to
receive it, the drawer shuts with a spring till ke answer is returned. The magician then arises from his seat, bows his head,
describes circles with his wand, and consulting the book as if in
deep thought, he lifts it towards his face. Having thus appeared
to ponder over the proposed question, he raises his wand, and
striking with it the wall above his head, two folding doors fly
open, and display an appropriate answer to the question. The
doors again close, the magician resumes his original position,
and the drawer opens to return the medallion. There are twenty
of these medallions, all containing different questions, to which
the magician returns the most suitable and striking answers.
The medallions are thin plates of brass, of an elliptical form,
exactly resembling each other. Some of the medallions have a
question inscribed on each side, both of which the magician





548


MAELZEL'S CHESS-PLAYER.


answers in succession. If the drawer is shut without a medallion being put in it, the magician rises, consults his book, shakes
his head, and resumes his seat. The folding doors remain shut,
and the drawer is returned empty. If two medallions are put
into the drawer together, an answer is returned only to the lower
one. When the machinery is wound up, the movements continue about an hour, during which time about fifty questions may
be answered. The inventor stated that the means by which the
different medallions acted upon the machinery, so as to produce
the proper answers to the questions which they contained, were
extremely simple."
The duck of Vaucanson was still more remarkable. It was
of the size of life, and so perfect an imitation of the living.animal that all the spectators were deceived. It executed, says
Brewster, all the natural movements and gestures, it eat and
drank with avidity, performed all the quick motions of the head
and throat which are peculiar to the duck, and like it muddled
the water which it drank with its bill. It produced also the
sound of quacking in the most natural manner. In the anatomical structure the artists exhibited the highest skill. Every
bone in the real duck had its representative in the automaton,
and its wings were anatomically exact. Every cavity, apophysis,
and curvature was imitated, and each bone executed its proper
movements. When corn was thrown down before it, the duck
stretched out its neck to pick it up, swallowed, and digested it.*
But if these machines were ingenious, what shall we think of
the calculating machine of Mr. Babbage? What shall we think
of an engine of wood and metal which can not only compute astronomical and navigation tables to any given extent, but render
the exactitude of its operations mathematically certain through
its power of correcting its possible errors? What shall we think
of a machine which can not only accomplish all this, but actually
print off its elaborate results, when obtained, without the slighte,- intervention of the intellect of man? It will, perhaps, be
said, in reply, that a machine such as we have described is alto* Under the head Androides in the Edinburgh Encyclopaedia may be
found a full account of the principal automata of ancient and modern
timnes.





MAELZEL'S CHESS-PLAYER.


3,9


gether above comparison with the Chess-Player of Maelzel. By
no means-it is altogether beneath it-that is to say provided we
assume (what should never for a moment be assumed) that the
Chess-Player is a pure machine, and performs it operations without any immediate human agency. Arithmetical or algebraical
calculations are, from their very nature, fixed and determinate.
Certain data being given, certain results necessarily and inevitably follow. These results have dependence upon nothing, and
are influenced by nothing but the data originally given. And
the question to be solved proceeds, or should proceed, to its final
determination, by a succession of unerring steps liable to no
change, and subject to no modification. This being the case, we
can without difficulty conceive the possibility of so arranging a
piece of mechanism, that upon starting it in accordance with the
data of the question to be solved, it should continue its movements regularly, progressively, and undeviatingly towards the
required solution, since these movements, however complex, are
never imagined to be otherwise than finite and determinate. But
the case is widely different with the Chess-Player. With him
there is no determinate progression. No one move in chess necessarily follows upon any one other. From no particular disposition of the men at one period of a game can we predicate
their disposition at a different period. Let us place the first move
in a game of chess, in juxta-position with the data of an algebraical question, and their great difference will be immediately perceived. From the latter-from the data-the second step of the
question, dependent thereupon, inevitably follows. It is modeled
by the data. It must be thus and not otherwise. But from the
first move in the game of chess no especial second move follows
of necessity. In the algebraical question, as it proceeds towards
solution, the certainty of its operations remains altogether unimpaired. The second step having been a consequence of the data,
the third step is equally a consequence of the second, the fourth of
the third, the fifth of the fourth, and so on, and not possibly otherwise, to the end. But in proportion to the progress made in a
game of chess, is the uncertainty of each ensiing move. A few
moves having been made, no step is certain. Different spectators
of the game would advise different moves. All is then dependent





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MAELZEL'S CHESS-PLAYER.


upon tle variable judgment of the players. Now even granting
(what should not be granted) that the movements of the Automaton Chess-Player were in themselves determinate, they would
be necessarily interrupted and disarranged by the indeterminate
will of his antagonist. There is then no analogy whatever between the operations of the Chess-Player, and those of the calculating machine of Mr. Babbage, and if we choose to call the
former a pure machine we must be prepared to admit that it is,
beyond all comparison, the most wonderful of the inventions of
mankind. Its original projector, however, Baron Kempelen,
had no scruple in declaring it to be a " very ordinary piece of
mechanism-a bagatelle whose effects appeared so marvellous
only from the boldness of the conception, and the fortunate
choice of the methods adopted for promoting the illusion."  But
it is needless to dwell upon this point. It is quite certain that
the operations of the Automaton are regulated by mind, and by
nothing else. Indeed this matter is susceptible of a mathematical demonstration, a priori. The only question then is of the
manner in which human agency is brought to bear. Before entering upon this subject it would be as well to give a brief history and description of the Chess-Player for the benefit of such
of our readers as may never have had an opportunity of witnessing Mr. Maelzel's exhibition.
The Automaton Chess-Player was invented in 1769, by Baron
Kempelen, a nobleman of Presburg, in Hungary, who afterwards
disposed of it, together with the secret of its operations, to its
present possessor.*  Soon after its completion it was exhibited
* This was written in 1835, when Mr. Maelzel, recently deceased, was
exhibiting lhe Chess-Player in the United States. It is now (1855) we be




MAELZEL'S CHESS-PLAYER.


351


in Presburgh, Paris, Vienna, and other continental cities. In
1783 and 1784, it was taken to London by Mr. Maelzel. Of
late years it has visited the principal towns in the United States.
Wherever seen, the most intense curiosity was excited by its
appearance, and numerous have been the attempts, by men of all
classes, to fathom the mystery of its evolutions. The cut above
gives a tolerable representation of the figure as seen by the citizens of Richmond a few weeks ago. The right arm, however,
should lie more at length upon the box, a chess-board should
appear upon it, and the cushion should not be seen while the
pipe is held. Some immaterial alterations have been made in
the costume of the player since it came into the possession of
Maelzel-the plume, for example, was not originally worn.
At the hour appointed for exhibition, a curtain is withdrawn,
or folding-doors are thrown open, and the machine rolled to
within about twelve feet of the nearest of the spectators, between
whom and it (the machine) a rope is stretched. A figure is seen
habited as a Turk, and seated, with its legs crossed, at a large
box apparently of maple wood, which serves it as a table. The
exhibiter will, if requested, roll the machine to any portion of
the room, suffer it to remain altogether on any designated spot,
or even shift its location repeatedly during the progress of a
game. The bottom of the box is elevated considerably above
the floor by means of the castors or brazen rollers on which it
moves, a clear view of the surface immediately beneath the Automaton being thus afforded to the spectators. The chair on
which the figure sits is affixed permanently to the box. On the
top of this latter is a chess-board, also permanently affixed. The
right arm of the Chess-Player is extended at full length before
him, at right angles with his body, and lying, in an apparently careless position, by the side of the board.  The back
of the hand is upwards. The board itself is eighteen inches
square. The left arm of the figure is bent at the elbow, and in
the left hand is a pipe. A green drapery conceals the back of'
the Turk, and falls partially over the front of both shoulders.
To judge from the external appearance of the box, it is divided
heve, in the possession of Prof. J. K. Mitchell, M. D., of Philadelphia.Editor





352


MAELZEL'S CHESS-PLAYER.


into five compartments-three cupboards of equal dimensions,
and two drawers occupying that portion of the chest lying beneath the cupboards. The foregoing observations apply to the
appearance of the Automaton upon its first introduction into the
presence of the spectators.
Maelzel now informs the company that he will disclose to
their view the mechanism of the machine.  Taking fi-om his
pocket a bunch of keys he unlocks with one of them, door marked
1 in the cut above, and throws the cupboard fully open to the
inspection of all present. Its whole interior is apparently filled
with wheels, pinions, levers, and other machinery, crowded very
closely together, so that the eye can penetrate but a little distance into the mass. Leaving this door open to its full extent,
he goes now round to the back of the box, and raising the drapery of the figure, opens another door situated precisely in the
rear of the one first opened. Holding a lighted candle at this
door, and shifting the position of the whole machine repeatedly
at the same time, a bright light is thrown entirely through the
cupboard, which is now clearly seen to be full, completely
full, of machinery. The spectators being satisfied of this fact,
Maelzel closes the back door, locks it, takes the key from the
lock, lets fall the drapery of the figure, and comes round to the
front. The door marked I, it will be remembered, is still open.
The exhibiter now proceeds to open the drawer which lies beneath the cupboards at the bottom of the box-for although there
are apparently two drawers, there is really only one-the two
handles and two key holes being intended merely for ornament.
Having opened this drawer to its full extent, a small cushion,
and a set of chessmen, fixed in a frame work made to support
them perpendicularly, are discovered. Leaving this drawer, as
well as cupboard No. 1 open, Maelzel now unlocks door No. 2,
and door No. 3, which are discovered to be folding doors, opening into one and the same compartment. To the right of this
compartment, however, (that is to say the spectators' right,) a
small division, six inches wide, and filled with machinery, is
partitioned off. The main compartment itself (in speaking of
that portion of the box visible upon opening doors 2 and 3, we
shall always call it the main compartment) is lined with dark





MAELZEL'5 CHESS-PLAYER.


353


cloth and contains no machinery whatever beyond two pieces of
steel, quadrant-shaped, and situated one in each of the rear top
corners of the compartment. A small protuberance about eight
inches square, and also covered with dark cloth, lies on the floor
of the compartment near the rear corner on the spectators' left
hand. Leaving doors No. 2 and No. 3 open as well as the
drawer, and door No. 1, the exhibiter now goes round to the
back of the main compartment, and, unlocking another door
there, displays clearly all the interior of the main compartment,
by introducing a candle behind it and within it. The whole box
being thus apparently disclosed to the scrutiny of the company,
Maelzel, still leaving the doors and drawer open, rolls the Automaton entirely round, and exposes the back of the Turk by lifting up the drapery. A door about ten inches square is thrown
open in the loins of the figure, and a smaller one also in the left
thigh. The interior of the figure, as seen through these apertures, appears to be crowded with machinery. In general, every
spectator is now thoroughly satisfied of having beheld and completely scrutinized, at one and the same time, every individual
portion of the Automaton, and the idea of any person being concealed in the interior, during so complete an exhibition of that
interior, if ever entertained, is immediately dismissed as prepos.
terous in the extreme.
M. Maelzel, having rolled the machine back into its original
position, now informs the company that the Automaton will play
a game of chess with any one disposed to encounter him. This
challenge being accepted, a small table is prepared for the antagonist, and placed close by the rope, but on the spectators' side of
it, and so situated as not to prevent the company from obtaining
a full view of the Automaton. From a drawer in this table is
taken a set of chess-men, and Maelzel arranges them generally,
but not always, with his own hands, on the chess board, which
consists merely of the usual number of squares painted upon the
table. The antagonist having taken his seat, the exhibiter approaches the drawer of the box, and takes therefrom the cushion,
which after removing the pipe from the hand of the Automaton,
he places under its left arm as a support. Then taking also
from the drawer the Automaton's set of chess-men, he arranges
VOL. IV.-23





354


MAELZEL'S CHESS-PLAYER.


them upon the chess-board before the figure. He now proceeds
to close the doors and to lock them-leaving the bunch of keys
in door No. 1. He also closes the drawer, and, finally, winds
up the machine, by applying a key to an aperture in the left end
(the spectator's left) of the box. The game now commencesthe Automaton taking the first move. The duration of the contest is usually limited to half an hour, but if it be not finished at
the expiration of this period, and the antagonist still contend that
he can beat the Automaton, M. Maelzel has seldom any objection to continue it. Not to weary the company, is the ostensible,
and no doubt the real object of the limitation. It will of course
be understood that when a move is made at his own table, by
the antagonist, the corresponding move is made at the box of the
Automaton, by Maelzel himself, who then acts as the representative of the antagonist. On the other hand, when the Turk
moves, the corresponding move is made at the table of the antagonist, also by M. Maelzel, who then acts as the representative
of the Automaton. In this manner it is necessary that the exhibiter should often pass from one table to the other. He also
frequently goes in the rear of the figure to remove the chess-men
which it has taken, and which it deposits when taken, on the box
to the left (to its own left) of the board. When the Automaton
hesitates in relation to its move, the exhibiter is occasionally seen
to place himself very near its right side, and to lay his hand now
and then, in a careless manner upon the box. He has also a
peculiar shuffle with his feet, calculated to induce suspicion of
collusion with the machine in minds which are more cunning than
sagacious. These peculiarities, are, no doubt, mere mannerisms
of M. Maelzel, or, if he is aware of them at all, he puts them in
practice with a view of exciting in the spectators a false idea of
the pure mechanism in the Automaton.
The Turk plays with his left hand. All the movements of the
arm are at right angles. In this manner, the hand (which is
gloved and bent in a natural way), being brought directly above
the piece to be moved, descends finally upon it, the fingers receiving it, in most cases, without difficulty. Occasionally, however, when the piece is not precisely in its proper situation, the
Automaton fails in his attempt at seizing it. When this occurs,





MAELZEL'S CHESS-PLAYER


355


no second effort is made, but the arm continues its movement in
the direction originally intended, precisely as if the piece were
in the fingers  Having thus designated the spot whither the
move should have been made, the arm returns to its cushion, and
Maelzel performs the evolution which the Automaton pointed
out. At every movement of the figure machinery is heard in
motion. During the progress of the game, the figure now and
then rolls its eyes, as if surveying the board, moves its head,
and pronounces the word echec (check) when necessary.*  If a
false move be made by his antagonist, he raps briskly on the
box with the fingers of his right hand, shakes his head roughly,
and replacing the pieces falsely moved, in its former situation,
assumes the next move himself. Upon beating the game, he
waves his head with an air of triumph, looks around complacently
upon the spectators, and drawing his left arm farther back than
usual, suffers his fingers alone to rest upon the cushion. In
general, the Turk is victorious-once or twice he has been
beaten. The game being ended, Maelzel will again, if desired,
exhibit the mechanism of the box, in the same manner as before.
The machine is then rolled back, and a curtain hides it from the
view of the company.
There have been many attempts at solving the mystery
of the Automaton. The most general opinion in relation to it,
an opinion too not unfrequently adopted by men who should have
known better, was, as we have before said, that no immediate
human agency was employed-in other words, that the machine
was purely a machine and nothing else. Many, however, maintained that the exhibitor himself regulated the movements of
the figure by mechanical means operating through the feet of
the box. Others, again spoke confidently of a magnet. Of the
first of these opinions we shall say nothing at present more than we
have already said. In relation to the second it is only necessary
to repeat what we have before stated, that the machine is
rolled about on castors, and will, at the request of a spectator,
* The making the Turk pronounce the word echec, is an improvement by
M. Maelzel. When in possession of Baron Kempelen, the figure indicated
a check by rapping on the box with his right hand.





MAELZEL'S CHESS-PLAYER.


be moved to and fro to any portion of the room, even during the
progress of the game. The supposition of the magnet is also
untenable-for if a magnet were the agent, any other magnet in
the pocket of a spectator would disarrange the entire mechanism.
The exhibitor, however, will suffer the most powerful loadstone
to remain even upon the box during the whole of the exhibition.
The first attempt at a written explanation of the secret, at
least the first attempt of which we ourselves have any knowledge,
was made in a large pamphlet printed at Paris in 1785. The
author's hypothesis amounted to this-that a dwarf actuated the
machine. This dwarf he supposed to conceal himself during the
opening of the box by thrusting his legs into two hollow cylinders,
which were represented to be (but which are not) among the
machinery in the cupboard No. 1, while his body was out of the
box entirely, and covered by the drapery of the Turk. When
the doors were shut, the dwarf was enabled to bring his body
within the box-the noise produced by some portion of the
machinery allowing him to do so unheard, and also to close the
door by which he entered. The interior of the automaton being
then exhibited, and no person discovered, the spectators, says the
author of this pamphlet, are satisfied that no one is within any
portion of the machine. The whole hypothesis was too obviously
absurd to require comment, or refutation, and accordingly we
find that it attracted very little attention.
In 1789 a book was published at Dresden by M. I. F. Freyhere in which another endeavor was made to unravel the mystery. Mr. Freyhere's book was a pretty large one, and copiously
illustrated by colored engravings. His supposition was that " a
well-taught boy very thin and tall of his age (sufficiently so that
he could be concealed in a drawer almost immediately under the
chess-board") played the game of chess and effected all the
evolutions of the Automaton. This idea, although even more
silly than that of the Parisian author, met with a better reception, and was in some measure believed to be the true solution
of the wonder, until the inventor put an end to the discussion by
suffering a close examination of the top of the box.
These bizarre attempts at explanation were followed by others





MAELZEL'S CHESS-PLAYER.


357


equally bizarre. Of late years, however, an anonymous writer,
by a course of reasoning exceedingly unphilosophical, has contrived to blunder upon a plausible solution-although we cannot
consider it altogether the true one. His Essay was first published in a Baltimore weekly paper, was illustrated by cuts, and
was entitled1 "An attempt to analyze the Automaton Chess-Player
of M. Maelzel."  This Essay we suppose to have been the original of the pamphlet to which Sir David Brewster alludes in
his letters on Natural Magic, and which he has no hesitation in
declaring a thorough and satisfactory explanation. The results
of the analysis are undoubtedly, in the main, just; but we can
only account for Brewster's pronouncing the Essay a thorough
and satisfactory explanation, by supposing him to have bestowed
upon it a very cursory and inattentive perusal. In the compendium of the Essay, made use of in the Letters on Natural Magic,
it is quite impossible to arrive at any distinct conclusion in regard
to the adequacy or inadequacy of the analysis, on account of the
gross misarrangement and deficiency of the letters of reference
employed. The same fault is to be found in the " Attempt," &c.,
as we originally saw it. The solution consists in a series of minute explanations, (accompanied by wood-cuts, the whole occupying many pages) in which the object is to show the possibility
of so shifting the partitions of the box, as to allow a human being,
concealed in the interior, to move portions of his body from one
part of the box to another, during the exhibition of the mechanism-thus eluding the scrutiny of the spectators. There can be
no doubt, as we have before observed, and as we will presently
endeavor to show, that the principle, or rather the result of this
solution is the true one. Some person is concealed in the box
during the whole time of exhibiting the interior. We object,
however, to the whole verbose description of the manner in which
the partitions are shifted, to accommodate the movements of the
person concealed. We object to it as a mere theory assumed
in the first place, and to which circumstances are afterwards made
to adapt themselves. It was not, and could not have been, arrived
at by any inductive reasoning. In whatever way the shifting is
managed, it is of course concealed at every step from observation.
To show that certain movements might possibly be effected in a





358


MAELZEL'S CHESS-PLAYER.


certain way, is very far from showing that they are actually sc
effected. There may be an infinity of other methods by which
the same results may be obtained. The probability of the one
assumed proving the correct one is then as unity to infinity. But,
in reality, this particular point, the shifting of the partitions, is
of no consequence whatever. It was altogether unnecessary to
devote seven or eight pages for the purpose of proving what no
one in his senses would deny-viz: that the wonderful mechanical genius of Baron Kempelen could invent the necessary means
for shutting a door or slipping aside a panel, with a human agent
too at his service in actual contact with the panel or the door,
and the whole operations carried on, as the author of the Essay
himself shows, and as we shall attempt to show more fully hereafter, entirely out of reach of the observation of the spectators.
In attempting ourselves an explanation of the Automaton, we
will, in the first place, endeavor to show how its operations are
effected, and afterwards describe, as briefly as possible, the nature of the observations from which we have deduced our result.
It will be necessary for a proper understanding of the subject,
that we repeat here in a few words, the routine adopted by the
exhibiter in disclosing the interior of the box-a routine from
which he never deviates in any material particular. In the first
place he opens the door No. 1. Leaving this open, he goes round
to the rear of the box, and opens a door precisely at the back of
door No. 1. To this back door he holds a lighted candle. He
then closes the back door, locks it, and, coming round to the front,
opens the drawer to its full extent. This done, he opens the
doors No. 2 and No. 3, (the folding doors) and displays the interior of the main compartment. Leaving open the main compartment, the drawer, and the front door of cupboard No. 1, he
now goes to the rear again, and throws open the back door of
the main compartment. In shutting up the box no particular
order is observed, except that the folding doors are always closed
before the drawer.
Now, let us suppose that when the machine is first rolled into
the presence of the spectators, a man is already within it. His
body is situated behind the dense machinery in cupboard No. 1,
(the rear portion of which machinery is so contrived as to slip





MAELZEL'S CHESS-PLAYER.


359


en masse, from the main compartment to the cupboard No, 1, as
occasion may require,) and his legs lie at full length in the main
compartment. When Maelzel opens the door No. 1, the man
within is not in any danger of discovery, for the keenest eye
cannot penetrate more than about two inches into the darkness
within. But the case is otherwise when the back door of the
cupboard No. 1, is opened. A bright light then pervades the
cupboard, and the body of the man would be discovered if it
were there. But it is not. The putting the key in the lock of
the back door was a signal on hearing which the person concealed brought his body forward to an angle as acute as possible
-throwing it altogether, or nearly so, into the main compartment.
This, however, is a painful position, and cannot be long maintained. Accordingly we find that Maelzel closes the back door.
This being done, there is no reason why the body of the man
may not resume its former situation-for the cupboard is again
so dark as to defy scrutiny. The drawer is now opened, and the
legs of the person within drop down behind it in the space it
formerly occupied.* There is, consequently, now no longer any
part of the man in the main compartment-his body being behind the machinery in cupboard No. 1, and his legs in the space
occupied by the drawer. The exhibiter, therefore, finds himself
at liberty to display the main compartment. This he doesopening both its back and front doors-and no person is discovered. The spectators are now satisfied that the whole of the
box is exposed to view-and exposed too, all portions of it at
one and the same time. But of course this is not the case. They
neither see the space behind the drawer, nor the interior of cupboard No. 1-the front door of which latter the exhibiter virtually shuts in shutting its back door. Maelzel, having now rolled
the machine around, lifted up the drapery of the Turk, opened
the doors in his back and thigh, and shown his trunk to be full
of machinery, brings the whole back into its original position, and
* Sir David Brewster supposes that there is always a large space behind
this drawer even when shut-in other words that the drawer is a " false
drawer," and does not extend to the back of the box. But the idea is altogether untenable. So common-place a trick would be immediately discovered-especially as the drawer is always opened to its full extent, and an
opportunity thus offered of comparing its depth with that of the box.





360


MAELZEL'S CHESS-PLAYER.


closes the doors. The man within is now at liberty to mov',
about. He gets up into the body of the Turk just so high as to
bring his eyes above the level of the chess-board. It is very
probable that he seats himself upon the little square block or
protuberance which is seen in a corner of the main compartment
when the doors are open. In this position he sees the chessboard through the bosom of the Turk which is of gauze. Bringing his right arm across his breast he actuates the little machinery necessary to guid to guide the left arm and the fingers of the figure.
This machinery is situated just beneath the left shoulder of the
Turk, and is consequently easily reached by the right hand of
the man concealed, if we suppose his right arm brought across
the breast. The motions of the head and eyes, and of the right
arm of the figure, as well as the sound echec are produced by
other mechanism in the interior, and actuated at will by the man
within. The whole of this mechanism-that is to say all the
mechanism essential to the machine-is most probably contained
within the little cupboard (of about six inches in breadth) partitioned off at the right (the spectators' right) of the main compartment.
In this analysis of the operations of the Automaton, we have
purposely avoided any allusion to the manner in which the partitions are shifted, and it will now be readily comprehended that
this point is a matter of no importance, since, by mechanism
within the ability of any common carpenter, it might be effected
in an infinity of different ways, and since we have shown that,
however perforamed, it is performed out of the view of the spec.
tators. Our result is founded upon the following observations
taken during frequent visits to the exhibition of Maelzel.*
1. The moves of the Turk are not made at regular intervals
of time, but accommodate themselves to the moves of the an.
tagonist-although this point, (of regularity) so important in all
kinds of mechanical contrivance, might have been readily brought
* Some of these observations are intended merely to prove that the machine must be regulated hy mind, and it may be thought a work of supererogation to advance farther arguments in support of what has been already
fully decided. But our object is to convince, in especial, certain of our
friends upon whom a train of suggestive reasoning will have more ilfluence
than the most positive a priori demonstration.





MAELZEL'S CHESS-PLAYER.


f36l


about by limiting the time allowed for the moves of the aniagonist.  For example, if this limit were three minutes, the
moves of the Automaton might be made at any given intervals
longer than three minutes. The fact then of irregularity, when
regularity might have been so easily attained, goes to prove that
regularity is unimportant to the action of the Automaton-in
other words, that the Automaton is not a pure machine.
2. When the Automaton is about to move a piece, a distinct
motion is observable just beneath the left shoulder, and which
motion agitates in a slight degree, the drapery covering the front
of the left shoulder. This motion invariably precedes, by about
two seconds, the movement of the arm itself-and the arm
never, in any instance, moves without this preparatory motion
in the shoulder. Now let the antagonist move a piece, and let
the corresponding move be made by Maelzel, as usual, upon the
board of the Automaton. Then let the antagonist narrowly
watch the Automaton, until he detect the preparatory motion jn
the shoulder. Immediately upon detecting this motion, and before the arm itself begins to move, let him withdraw his piece,
as if perceiving an error in his manoeuvre. It will then be seen
that the movement of the arm, which, in all other cases, immediately succeeds the motion in the shoulder, is withheld-is not
made-although Maelzel has not yet performed, on the board of
the Automaton, any move corresponding to the withdrawal of
the antagonist. In this case, that the Automaton was about to
move is evident-and that he did not move, was an effect plainly
produced by the withdrawal of the antagonist, and without any
intervention of Maelzel.
This fact fully proves, 1-that the intervention of Maelzel, in
performing the moves of the antagonist on the board of the
Automaton, is not essential to the movements of the Automaton,
2-that its movements are regulated by mind-by some person
who sees the board of the antagonist, 3-that its movements are
not regulated by the mind of Maelzel, whose back was turned
towards the antagonist at the withdrawal of his move.
3. The Automaton does not invariably win the game. Were
the machine a pure machine this would not be the case-it would
always win. The principle being discovered by which a ma.





862


MAELZEL'S CHESS-PLAYER.


chine can be made to play a game of chess, an extension of the
same principle would enable it to win a game-a farther extension would enable it to win all games-that is, to beat any possible game of an antagonist. A little consideration will convince
any one that the difficulty of making a machine beat all games,
is not in the least degree greater, as regards the principle of the
operations necessary, than that of making it beat a single game.
If then we regard the Chess-Player as a machine, we must suppose, (what is highly improbable) that its inventor preferred
leaving it incomplete to perfecting it-a supposition rendered
still more absurd, when we reflect that the leaving it incomplete
would afford an argument against the possibility of its being a
pure machine-the very argument we now adduce.
4. When the situation of the game is difficult or complex, we
never perceive the Turk either shake his head or roll his eyes.
It is only when his next move is obvious, or when the game is
so circumstanced that to a man in the Automaton's place there
would be no necessity for reflection. Now these peculiar movements of the head and eyes are movements customary with
persons engaged in meditation, and the ingenious Baron Kempelen would have adapted these movements (were the machine a
pure machine) to occasions proper for their display-that is, to
occasions of complexity. But the reverse is seen to be the case,
and this reverse applies precisely to our supposition of a man in
the interior. When engaged in meditation about the game he
has no time to think of setting in motion the mechanism of the
Automaton by which are moved the head and the eyes. When
the game, however, is obvious, he has time to look about him,
and, accordingly, we see the head shake and the eyes roll.
5. When the machine is rolled round to allow the spectators
an examination of the back of the Turk, and when his drapery
is lifted up and the doors in the trunk and thigh thrown open,
the interior of the trunk is seen to be crowded with machinery.
In scrutinizing this machinery while the Automaton was in
motion, that is to say, while the whole machine was moving on
the castors, it appeared to us that certain portions of the mechanism changed their shape and position in a degree too great
to be accounted for by the simple laws of perspective; and sub





MAELZEL'S CHESS-PLAYER.


363


sequent examinations convinced us that these undue alterations
were attributable to mirrors in the interior of the trunk. The
introduction of mirrors among the "machinery could not have
been intended to influence, in any degree, the machinery itself.
Their operation, whatever that operation should prove to be,
must necessarily have reference to the eye of the spectator. We
at once concluded that these mirrors were so placed to multiply
to the vision some few pieces of machinery within the trunk so
as to give it the appearance of being crowded with mechanism.
Now the direct inference from this is that the machine is not a
pure machine. For if it were, the inventor, so far from wishing
its mechanism to appear complex, and using deception for the
purpose of giving it this appearance, would have been especially
desirous of convincing those who witnessed his exhibition, of
the simplicity of the means by which results so wonderful were
brought about.
6. The external appearance, and, especially, the deportment
of the Turk, are, when we consider them as imitations of life,
but very indifferent imitations. The countenance evinces no
ingenuity, and is surpassed, in its resemblance to the human
face, by the very commonest of wax-works.   The eyes roll
unnaturally in the head, without any corresponding motions of
the lids or brows. The arm, particularly, performs its operations in an exceedingly stiff, awkward, jerking, and rectangular
manner.   Now, all this is the result either of inability in
Maelzel to do better, or of intentional neglect-accidental neglect being out of the question, when we consider that the whole
time of the ingenious proprietor is occupied in the improvement
of his machines. Most assuredly we must not refer the unlifelike appearances to inability-for all the rest of Maelzel's automata are evidence of his full ability to copy the motions and
peculiarities of life with the most wonderful exactitude. The
rope-dancers, for example, are inimitable. When the clown
laughs, his lips, his eyes, his eye-brows, and eye-lids-indeed,
all the features of his countenance-are imbued with their appropriate expressions.  In both him and his companion, every
gesture is so entirely easy, and free from the semblance of artificiality, that, were it not for the diminutiveness of their size,





364


MAELZEL'S CHESS-PLAYER.


and the fact of their being passed from one spectator to another
previous to their exhibition on the rope, it would be difficult to
convince any assemblage of persons that these wooden automata
were not living creatures. We cannot, therefore, doubt Mr.
Maelzel's ability, and we must necessarily suppose that he intentionally suffered his Chess-Player to remain the same artificial
and unnatural figure which Baron Kempelen (no doubt also
through design) originally made it. What this design was it is
not difficult to conceive. Were the Automaton life-like in its
motions, the spectator would be more apt to attribute its operations to their true cause, (that is, to human agency within) than
he is now, when the awkward and rectangular manoeuvres convey the idea of pure and unaided mechanism.
7. When, a short time previous to the commencement of the
game, the Automaton is wound up by the exhibiter as usual, an
ear in any degree accustomed to the sounds produced in winding
up a system of machinery, will not fail to discover, instantaneously, that the axis turned by the key in the box of the ChessPlayer, cannot possibly be connected with either a weight, a
spring, or any system of machinery whatever. The inference
here is the same as in our last observation. The winding up is
inessential to the operations of the Automaton, and is performed
with the design of exciting in the spectators the false idea of
mechanism.
8. When the question is demanded explicitly of Maelzel"Is the Automaton a pure machine or not?" his reply is invariably the same-" I will say nothing about it." Now the
notoriety of the Automaton, and the great curiosity it has everywhere excited, are owing more especially to the prevalent
opinion that it is a pure machine, than to any other circumstance. Of course, then, it is the interest of the proprietor to
represent it as a pure machine. And what more obvious, and
more effectual method could there be of impressing the spectators with this desired idea, than a positive and explicit declaration to that effect? On the other hand, what more obvious and
effectual method could there be of exciting a disbelief in the
Automaton's being a pure machine, than by withholding such
explicit declaration? For, people will naturally reason thus,




MAELZEL'S CHESS-PLAYER.


365


It is Maelzel's interest to represent this thing a pure machinehe refuses to do so, directly, in words, although he does not
scruple, and is evidently anxious to do so, indirectly by actions
-were it actually what he wishes to represent it by actions, he
would gladly avail himself ao the more direct testimony of
words-the inference is, that a consciousness of its not being a
pure machine, is the reason of his silence-his actions cannot
implicate him in a falsehood-his words may.
9. When, in exhibiting the interior of the box, Maelzel has
thrown open the door No. 1, and also the door immediately
behind it, he holds a lighted candle at the back door (as mentioned above), and moves the entire machine to and fro with a
view of convincing the company that the cupboard No. 1 is
entirely filled with machinery.  When the machine is thus
moved about, it will be apparent to any careful observer, that
whereas that portion of the machinery near the front door No.
1, is perfectly steady and unwavering, the portion farther within
fluctuates, in a very slight degree, with the movements of the
machine. This circumstance first aroused in us the suspicion
that the more remote portion of the machinery was so arranged
as to be easily slipped, en masse, from its position when occasion
should require it.  This occasion we have already stated to
occur when the man concealed within brings his body into an
erect position upon the closing of the back door.
10. Sir David Brewster states the figure of the Turk to be
of the size of life-but in fact it is far above the ordinary size.
Nothing is more easy than to err in our notions of magnitude.
The body of the Automaton is generally insulated, and, having
no means of immediately comparing it with any human form,
we suffer ourselves to consider it as of ordinary dimensions.
This mistake may, however, be corrected by observing the
Chess-Player when, as is sometimes the case, the exhibiter approaches it. Mr. Maelzel, to be sure, is not very tall, but upon
drawing near the machine, his head will be found at least
eighteen inches below the head of the Turk, although the latter,
it will be remembered, is in a sitting position.
11. The box behind which the Automaton is placed, is precisely three feet six inches long, two feet four inches deep, and





866


MAELZEL'S CHESS-PLAYER.


two feet six inches high. These dimensions are fully sufficient
for the accommodation of a man very much above the common
size-and the main compartment alone is capable of holding any
ordinary man in the position we have mentioned as assumed by
the person concealed. As these are facts, which any one who
doubts them may prove by actual calculation, we deem it unnecessary to dwell upon them. We will only suggest that, although
the top of the box is apparently a board of about three inches in
thickness, the spectator may satisfy himself by stooping and looking up at it when the main compartment is open, that it is in reality very thin. The height of the drawer also will be misconceived by those who examine it in a cursory manner. There is
a space of about three inches between the top of the drawer as
seen from the exterior, and the bottom of the cupboard-a space
which must be included in the height of the drawer. These
contrivances to make the room within the box appear less than
it actually is, are referrible to a design on the part of the inventor, to impress the company again with a false idea, viz., that no
human being can be accommodated within the box.
12. The interior of the main compartment is lined throughout
with cloth. This cloth we suppose to have a twofold object. A
portion of it may form, when tightly stretched, the only partitions
which there is any necessity for removing during the changes of
the man's position, viz: the partition between the rear of the
main compartment and the rear of cupboard No. 1, and the partition between the main compartment, and the space behind the
drawer when open. If we imagine this to be the case, the difficulty of shifting the partitions vanishes at once, if indeed any
such difficulty could be supposed under any circumstances to
exist. The second object of the cloth is to deaden and render
indistinct all sounds occasioned by the movements of the person
within.
13. The antagonist (as we have before observed) is not suffered to play at the board of the Automaton, but is seated at
some distance from the machine. The reason which, most probably, would be assigned for this circumstance, if the question
were demanded, is, that were the antagonist otherwise situated,
his person would intervene between the machine and the spec




MAELZEL'S CHESS-PLAYER.


367


tators, and preclude the latter from a distinct view. But this
difficulty might be easily obviated, either by elevating the seats
of the company, or by turning the end of the box towards them
during the game. The true cause of the restriction is, perhaps,
very different. Were the antagonist seated in contact with the
box, the secret would be liable to discovery, by his detecting,
with the aid of a quick ear, the breathings of the man concealed.
14. Although M. Maelzel, in disclosing the interior of the machine, sometimes slightly deviates from the routine which we have
pointed out, yet never in any instance does he so deviate from it
as to interfere with our solution. For example, he has been
known to open, first of all the drawer-but he never opens the
main compartment without first closing the back door of cupboard No. 1-he never opens the main compartment without first
pulling out the drawer-he never shuts the drawer without first
shutting the main compartment-he never opens the back door
of cupboard No. 1 while the main compartment is open-and the
game of chess is never commenced until the whole machine is
closed. Now, if it were observed that never, in any single instance, did M. Maelzel differ from the routine we have pointed
out as necessary to our solution, it would be one of the strongest
possible arguments in corroboration of it-but the argument becomes infinitely strengthened if we duly consider the circumstance that lie does occasionally deviate from the routine, but
never does so deviate as to falsify the solution.
15. There are six candles on the board of the Automaton
during exhibition. The question naturally arises-" Why are
so many employed, when a single candle, or, at farthest, two,
would have been amply sufficient to afford the spectators a clear
view of the board, in a room otherwise so well lit up as the exhibition room always is-when, moreover, if we suppose the
machine a pure macline, there can be no necessity for so much
light, or indeed any light at all, to enable it to perform its operations-and when, especially, only a single candle is placed upon
the table of the antagonist?"  The first and most obvious inference is, that so strong a light is requisite to enable the man within to see through the transparent material (probably fine gauze)
ci which the breast of the Turk is composed. But when we





-868


MAELZEL'S CHESS-PLAYER.


consider the arrangement of the candles, another reason immedi.
ately presents itself. There are six lights (as we have said
before) in all. Three of these are on each side of the figure.
Those most remote from the spectators are the longest-those in
the middle are about two inches shorter-and those nearest the
company about two inches shorter still-and the candles on one
side differ in height from the candles respectively opposite on the
other, by a ratio different from two inches-that is to say, the
longest candle on one side is about three inches shorter than the
longest candle on the other, and so on. Thus it will be seen
that no two of the candles are of the same height, and thus also
the difficulty of ascertaining the material of the breast of the
figure (against which the light is especially directed) is greatly
augmented by the dazzling effect of the complicated crossings of
the rays-crossings which are brought about by placing the cen
tres of radiation all upon different levels.
16. While the Chess-Player was in possession of Baron Kempelen, it was more than once observed, first, that an Italian in
the suite of the Baron was never visible during the playing of a
game at chess by the Turk, and, secondly, that the Italian being
taken seriously ill, the exhibition was suspended until his recovery. This Italian professed a total ignorance of the game of
chess, although all others of the suite played well. Similar observations have been made since the Automaton has been purchased
by Maelzel. There is a man, Schlumberger, who attends him
wherever he goes, but who has no ostensible occupation other than
that of assisting in the packing and unpacking of the automaton.
This man is about the medium size, and has a remarkable stoop
in the shoulders. Whether he professes to play chess or not, we
are not informed. It is quite certain, however, that he is never to
be seen during the exhibition of the Chess-Player, although frequently visible just before and just after the exhibition. Moreover,
some years ago Maelzel visited Richmond with his automata, and
exhibited them, we believe, in the house now occupied by M.
Bossieux as a Dancing Academy. Schlumberger was suddenly
taken ill, and during his illness there was no exhibition of the
Chess-Player. These facts are well known to many of our citizens. The reason assigned for the suspension of the Chess




MAELZEL'S CHESS-PLAYER.


369


Player's performances, was not the illness of Schlumberger. The
inferences from all this we leave, without farther comment, to
the reader.
17. The Turk plays with his left arm. A circumstance so
remarkable cannot be accidental. Brewster takes no notice of
it whatever, beyond a mere statement, we believe, that such is
the fact. The early writers of treatises on the Automaton, seem
not to have observed the matter at all, and have no reference to
it. The author of the pamphlet alluded to by Brewster, mentions it, but acknowledges his inability to account for it. Yet it is
obviously from such prominent discrepancies or incongruities as
this that deductions are to be made (if made at all) which shall
lead us to the truth.
The circumstance of the Automaton's playing with his left
hand cannot have connexion with the operations of the machine,
considered merely as such. Any mechanical arrangement which
would cause the figure to move, in any given manner, the left
arm-could, if reversed, cause it to move, in the same manner,
the right. But these principles cannot be extended to the human
organization, wherein there is a marked and radical difference
in the construction, and, at all events, in the powers, of the right
and left arms. Reflecting upon this latter fact, we naturally
refer the incongruity noticeable in the Chess-Player to this peculiarity in the human organization. If so, we must imagine some
reversion-for the Chess-Player plays precisely as a man would
not. These ideas, once entertained, are sufficient of themselves,
to suggest the notion of a man in the interior. A few more imperceptible steps lead us, finally, to the result. The Automaton
plays with his left arm, because under no other circumstances
could the man within play with his right-a desideratum of course.
Let us, for example, imagine the Automaton to play with his right
arm. To reach the machinery which moves the arm, and which
we have before explained to lie just beneath the shoulder, it
would be necessary for the man within either to use his right
arm in an exceedingly painful and awkward position, (viz.
brought up close to his body and tightly compressed between his
body and the side of the Automaton,) or else to use his left arm
brought across his breast. In neither case could he act with the
VoL. IV.-24





370             MAELZEL'S CHESS-PLAYER.
requisite ease or precision. On the contrary, the Automaton
playing, as it actually does, with the left arm, all difficulties vanish. The right arm of the man within is brought across his
breast, and his right fingers act, without any constraint, upon the
machinery in the shoulder of the figure.
We do not believe that any reasonable objections can be urged
against this solution of the Automaton Chess-Player.





REVIEW OF STEPHENS' ARABIA PETRJEA,*
MR. STEPHENS has here given us two volumes of more than
ordinary interest-written with a freshness of manner, and
evincing a manliness of feeling, both worthy of high consideration. Although in some respects deficient, the work too presents
some points of moment to the geographer, to the antiquarian, and
more especially to the theologian. Viewed only as one of a
class of writings whose direct tendency is to throw light upon
the Book of Books, it has strong claims upon the attention of all
who read. While the vast importance of critical and philological
research in dissipating the obscurities and determining the exact
sense of the Scriptures, cannot be too readily conceded, it may
be doubted whether the collateral illustration derivable from re
cords of travel be not deserving at least equal consideration.
Certainly the evidence thus afforded, exerting an enkindling influence upon the popular imagination, and so taking palpable
hold upon the popular understanding, will not fail to become in
time a most powerful because easily available instrument in the
downfall of unbelief. Infidelity itself has often afforded unwilling
and unwitting testimony to the truth. It is surprising to find
with what unintentional precision both Gibbon and Volney
(among others) have used, for the purpose of description, in
their accounts of nations and countries, the identical phraseology
employed by the inspired writers when foretelling the most inprobable events. In this manner skepticism has been made the.
* New York Review, Oct., 1837.





372   REVIEW OF STEPHENS' ARABIA PETR2EA, ETC.
rbot of belief, and the providence of the Deity has been no less
remarkable in the extent and nature of the means for bringing
to light the evidence of his accomplished word, than in working
the accomplishment itself.
Of late days, the immense stores of biblical elucidation derivable from the East have been rapidly accumulating in the hands
of the student.  When the "Observations" of Harmer were
given to the public, he had access to few other works than the
travels of Chardin, Pococke, Shaw, Maundrell, Pitts, and D'Arvieux, with perhaps those of Nau and Troilo, and Russell's
" Natural History of Aleppo."  We have now a vast accession
to our knowledge of Oriental regions. Intelligent and observing
men, impelled by the various motives of Christian zeal, military
adventure, the love of gain, and the love of science, have made
their way, often at imminent risk, into every land rendered holy
by the words of revelation. Through the medium of the pencil,
as well as of the pen, we are even familiarly acquainted with the
territories of the Bible. Valuable books of eastern travel are
abundant-of which the labors of Niebuhr, Mariti, Volney, Porter, Clarke, Chateaubriand, Burckhardt, Buckingham, Morier,
Seetzen, De Lamartine, Laborde, Tournefort, Madden, Maddox,
Wilkinson, Arundell, Mangles, Leigh, and Hogg, besides those
already mentioned, are merely the principal, or the most extensively known. As we have said, however, the work before us
is not to be lightly regarded: highly agreeable, interesting, and
instructive, in a general view, it also has, in the connexion now
adverted to, claims to public attention possessed by no other book
of its kind.
In an article prepared for this journal some months ago, we
had traced the route of Mr. Stephens with a degree of minuteness not desirable now, when the work has been so long in the
hands of the public. At this late day we must be content with
saying, briefly, in regard to the earlier portion of the narrative,
that, arriving at Alexandria in December, 1835, he thence
passed up the Nile as far as the Lower Cataracts. One or two
passages from this part of the tour may still be noted for observation. The annexed speculations, in regard to the present city
of Alexandria, are well worth attention.





REVIEW    OF STEPHENS' ARADIA PETRJEA, ETC.            373
"The present city of Alexandria, even after the dreadful ravages made
by the plague last year, is still supposed to contain more than 50,000 inhabitants, and is decidedly growing. It stands outside the Delta in the Libyan
Desert, and as Volney remarks, ' It is only by the canal which conducts the
waters of the Nile into the reservoirs in the time of inundation, that Alexmdria can be considered as connected with Egypt.' Founded by the great
Alexander, to secure his conquests in the East, being the only safe harbor
along the coast of Syria or Africa, and possessing peculiar commercial advantages, it soon grew into a giant city. Fifteen miles in circumference,
containing a population of 300,000 citizens and as many slaves, one magnificent street, 2,000 feet broad, ran the whole length of the city, from the
Gate of the Sea to the Canopie Gate, commanding a view at each end, of
the shipping, either in the Mediterranean or in the Mareotic Lake, and another of equal length intersected it at right angles; a spacious circus without
the Canopie Gate, for chariot-races, and on the east a splendid gymnasium
more than six hundred feet in length, with theatres, baths and all that could
make it a desirable residence for a luxurious people. When it fell into the
hands of the Saracens, according to the report of the Saracen general to the
Calif Omar, " it was impossible to enumerate the variety of its riches and
beauties;' and it is said to ' have contained four thousand palaces, four
thousand baths, four hundred theatres or public edifices, twelve thousand
shops, and forty thousand tributary Jews.' From that time, like every
thing else which falls into the hands of the Mussulman, it has been going
to ruin, and the discovery of the passage to India by the Cape of Good Hope
gave the death-blow to its commercial greatness. At present it stands a
phenomenon in the history of a Turkish dominion. It appears once more
to be raising its head from the dust. It remains to be seen whether this
rise is the legitimate and permanent effect of a wise and politic government,
combined with natural advantages, or whether the pacha is not forcing it to
an unnatural elevation, at the expense, if not upon the ruins, of the rest of
Egypt. It is almost presumptuous, on the threshold of my entrance into
Egypt, to speculate upon the future condition of this interesting country;
but it is clear that the pacha is determined to build up the city of Alexandria, if he can: his fleet is here, his army, his arsenal, and his forts are here;
and he has forced and centred here a commerce that was before divided between several places. Rosetta has lost more than two thirds of its population. Damietta has become a mere nothing, and even Cairo the Grand has
become tributary to what is called the regenerated city." Vol. I. pp. 21, 22,
We see no presumption in this attempt to speculate upon the
future condition of Egypt. Its destinies are matter for the attentive consideration of every reader of the Bible.   No words can
be more definitive, more utterly free from   ambiguity, than the
prophecies concerning this region.    No events could be more





374   REVIEW OF STEPHENS' ARABIA PETR2EA, ETC.
wonderful in their nature, nor more impossible to have been foreseen by the eye of man, than the events foretold concerning it.
With the earliest ages of the world its line of monarchs began,
and the annihilation of the entire dynasty was predicted during
the zenith of t.at dynasty's power. One of the most lucid of
the biblical commentators has justly observed that the very
attempt once made by infidels to show, from the recorded number
of its monarchs and the duration of their reigns, that Egypt was
a kingdom previous to the Mosaic era of the deluge, places in
the most striking view the extraordinary character of the prophecies regarding it. During two thousand years prior to these
predictions Egypt had never been without a prince of its own;
and how oppressive was its tyranny over Judea and the neighboring nations! It, however, was distinctly foretold that this
country of kings should no longer have one of its own-that it
should be laid waste by the hand of strangers-that it should be
a base kingdom, the basest of the base-that it should never
again exalt itself among the nations-that it should be a desolation surrounded by desolation. Two thousand years have now
afforded their testimony to the infallibility of the Divine word,
and the evidence is still accumulative. "Its past and present
degeneracy bears not a more remote resemblance to the former
greatness and pride of its power, than the frailty of its mud-walled
fabric now bears to the stability of its imperishable pyramids."
But it should be remembered that there are other prophecies
concerning it which still await their fulfilment. " The whole
earth shall rejoice, and Egypt shall not be for ever base. The
Lord shall smite Egypt; he shall smite and heal it; and they
shall return to the Lord, and he shall be entreated of them, and
shall heal them. In that day shall Isaac be the third with Egypt
and with Assyria, even a blessing in the midst of the land." Isa.
xix. 19-25. In regard to the present degree of political power
and importance to which the country has certainly arisen under
Mohammed Aly, (an importance unknown for many centuries,)
the fact, as Mr. Keith observes in his valuable Evidence of Prophecy, may possibly serve, at no distant period, to illustrate the
prediction which implies, that however base and degraded it
might be throughout many generations, it would, notwithstand




REVIEW OF STEPHENS' ARABIA PETR2EA, ETC.         375
ing, have strength sufficient to be looked to for aid or protection,
even at the time of the restoration of the Jews to Judea, who
will seek " to strengthen themselves in the strength of Pharaoh,
and trust in the shadow of Egypt."  How emphatically her present feeble prosperity is, after all, butf the shadow of the Egypt of
the Pharaohs, we leave to the explorer of her pyramids, the
wanderer among the tombs of her kings or the fragments of
her Luxor and her Carnac.
At Djiddeh, formerly the capital of Upper Egypt and the
largest town on the Nile, Mr. Stephens encountered two large
boat-loads of slaves-probably five or six hundred-collected at
Dongola and Sennaar. " In the East," he writes, " slavery exists now precisely as it did in the days of the patriarchs. The
slave is received into the family of a Turk, in a relation more
confidential and respectable than that of an ordinary domestic;
and when liberated, which very often happens, stands upon the
same footing with a freeman. The curse does not rest upon
him for ever; he may sit at the same board, dip his hand in the
same dish, and, if there are no other impediments, may marry
his master's daughter."
Morier says, in his Journey through Persia-"' The manners
of the East, amidst all the changes of government and religion,
are still the same. They are living impressions from an original
mould; and, at every step, some object, some idiom, some dress,
or some custom of common life, reminds the traveller of ancient
times, and confirms, above all, the beauty, the accuracy, and the
propriety of the language and the history of the Bible."
Sir John Chardin, also, in the Preface to his Travels in Persia,
employs similar language:-" And the learned, to whom I communicated my design, encouraged me very much by their commendations to proceed in it; and more especially when I informed them that it is not in Asia, as in our Europe, where there
are frequent changes, more or less, in the form of things, as the
habits, buildings, gardens, and the like. In the East they are
constant in all things. The habits are at this day in the same
manner as in the precedent ages; so that one may reasonably
believe that, in that part of the world, the exterior forms of
things (as their manners and customs) are the same now as they





: r6  REVIEW OF STEPHENS' ARABIA PETRIEA, ETC.
were two thousand years since, except in such changes as have.
been introduced by religion, which are, nevertheless, very inconsiderable."
Nor is such striking testimony unsupported. From all sources
we derive evidence of the conformity, almost of the identity, of
the modern with the ancient usages of the East. This steadfast
resistance to innovation is a trait remarkably confined to the
regions of biblical history, and (it should not be doubted) will
remain in force until it shall have fulfilled all the important purposes of biblical elucidation. Hereafter, when the ends of Providence shall be thoroughly answered, it will not fail to give way
before the influence of that very Word it has been instrumental
in establishing; and the tide of civilization, which has hitherto
flowed continuously, from the rising to the setting sun, will be
driven back, with a partial ebb, into its original channels.
Returning from the cataracts, Mr. Stephens found himself
safely at Cairo, where terminated his journeyings upon the Nile.
He had passed " from Migdol to Syene, even unto the borders
of Ethiopia." In regard to the facilities, comforts, and minor
enjoyments of the voyage, he speaks of them in a manner so
favorable, that many of our young countrymen will be induced
to follow his example. It is an amusement, he says, even ridiculously cheap, and attended with no degree of danger. A boat
with ten men is procured for thirty or forty dollars a month,
fowls for three piastres a pair, a sheep for a half or three quarters of a dollar, and eggs for the asking. " You sail under your
own country's banner; and when you walk along the river, if
the Arabs look particularly black and truculent, you proudly
feel that there is safety in its folds."
We now approach what is by far the most interesting and the
most important portion of his tour. Mr. S. had resolved to visit
Mount Sinai, proceeding thence to the Holy Land. If he should
return to Suez, and thus cross the desert to El Arich and Gaza,
he would be subjected to a quarantine of fourteen days on account of the plague in Egypt; and this difficulty might be avoided by striking through the heart of the desert lying between
Mount Sinai and the frontier of Palestine. This route was beset
with danger; but, apart from the matter of avoiding quarantine,





REVIEW OF STEPHENS' ARABIA PETRIEA, ETC.         377
it had other strong temptations for the enterprise and enthusiasm
of the traveller-temptations not to be resisted. " The route,"
says Mr. Stephens, " was hitherto untravelled," and moreover, it
lay through a region upon which has long rested, and still rests,
a remarkable curse of the Divinity; issued through the voices of
his prophets. We allude to the land of Idumea-the Edom of
the Scriptures. Some English friends, who first suggested this
route to Mr. Stephens, referred him, for information concerning
it, to Keith on the Prophecies. Mr. Keith, as our readers are
aware, contends for the literal fulfilment of prophecy, and in the
treatise in question brings forward a mass of evidence, and a
world of argument, which we, at least, are constrained to consider, as a whole, irrefutable. We look upon the literalness of the
understanding of the Bible predictions as an essential feature in
prophecy-conceiving minuteness of detail to have been but a
portion of the providential plan of the Deity for bringing more
visibly to light, in after-ages, the evidence of the fulfilment of his
word. No general meaning attached to a prediction, no general
fulfilment of such prediction, could carry, to the reason of mankind, inferences so unquestionable, as its particular and minutely
incidental accomplishment. General statements, except in rare
instances, are susceptible of misinterpretation or misapplication:
details admit no shadow of ambiguity. That, in many striking
cases, the words of the prophets have been brought to pass in
every particular of a series of minutiae, whose very meaning was
unintelligible before the period of fulfilment, is a truth that few
are so utterly stubborn as to deny. We mean to say that, in
all instances, the most strictly literal interpretation will apply.
There is, no doubt, much unbelief founded upon the obscurity
of the prophetic expression; and the question is frequently demanded-" wherein lies the use of this obscurity?-why are not
the prophecies distinct?-These words, it is said, are incoherent,
unintelligible, and should be therefore regarded as untrue. That
many prophecies are absolutely unintelligible should not be denied-it is a part of their essence that they should be. The obscurity, like the apparently irrelevant detail, has its object in the
Drovidence of God. Were the words of inspiration, affording
insight into the events of futurity, at all times so pointedly clear





378    REVIEW   OF STEPHENS' ARABIA PETREA, ETC.
that lie who runs might read, they would in many cases, even
when fulfilled, afford a rational ground for unbelief in the inspiration of their authors, and consequently in the whole truth of
revelation; for it would be supposed that these distinct words,
exciting union and emulation among Christians, had thus been
merely the means of working out their own accomplishment.
It is for this reason that the most of the predictions become intelligible only when viewed from the proper point of observation
-the period of fulfilment.    Perceiving this, the philosophical
thinker, and the Christian, will draw no argument from the obscurity, against the verity of prophecy.  Having seen palpably,
incontrovertibly fulfilled, even one of these many wonderful predictions, of whose meaning, until the day of accomplishment, he
could form no conception; and having thoroughly satisfied himself that no human foresight could have been equal to such
amount of foreknowledge, he will await, in confident expectation,
that moment certainly to come when the darkness of the veil
shall be uplifted from the others.*
* We cannot do better than quote here the words of a writer in the London Quarterly Review. " Twenty years ago we read certain portions of the
prophetic Scriptures with a belief that they were true, because other similar
passages had in the course of ages been proved to be so; and we had an
indistinct notion that all these, to us obscure and indefinite denunciations,
had been-we knew not very well when or how-accomplished; but to
have graphic descriptions, ground plans, and elevations showing the actual
existence of all the heretofore vague and shadowy denunciations of God
against Edom, does, we confess, excite our feelings, and exalt our confidence in prophecy to a height that no external evidence has hitherto done."
Many prophecies, it should be remembered, are in a state of gradual fulfilment-a chain of evidence being thus made to extend throughout a long
series of ages, for the benefit of man at large, without being confined to one
epoch or generation, which would be the case in a fulfilment suddenly coming
to pass. Thus, some portion of the prophecies concerning Edom has reference to the year of recompense for the controversy of Sion.
One word in regard to the work of Keith. Since penning this article we
have been grieved to see, in a New York daily paper, some strictures on
this well-known treatise, which we think unnecessary, if not positively,unjust; and which, indeed, are little more than a revival of the old story
trumped up for purposes of its own, and in the most bitter spirit of unfairness, by the London Quarterly Review. We allude especially to the charge
of plagiarism from the work of Bishop Newton. It would be quite as rea




REVIEW    OF STEPHENS' ARABIA PETRAEA, ETC.            379
sonable to accuse Dr. Webster of having stolen his Dictionary from Dr.
Johnson, or any other compiler of having plundered any other. But the
work of Keith, as we learn from himself, was written hastily, for the immediate service, and at the urgent solicitation, of a friend, whose faith wavered
in regard to the Evidences of Prophecy, and who applied to the author to
aid his unbelief with a condensed view of these Evidences. In the preface
of the book thus composed, with no view to any merits of authorship, and,
indeed, with none except that of immediate utility, there is found the fullest
disclaimer of all pretension to originality-surely motives and circumstances
such as these should have sufficed to secure Dr. Keith from the unmeaning
charges of plagiarism, which have been so pertinaciously adduced! We do
not mean to deny that, in the blindness of his zeal, and in the firm conviction entertained by him of the general truth of his assumptions, he fre
quently adopted surmises as facts, and did essential injury to his cause by
carrying out his positions to an unwarrantable length. MWith all its inaccuracies, however, his work must still be regarded as one of the most important triumphs of faith, and, beyond doubt, as a most lucid and conclusive
train of argument.
Having expressed our belief in the literal fulfilment of prophecy in all cases,* and having suggested, as one reason for the
non-prevalence of this belief; the improper point of view from
which we are accustomed to regard it, it remains to be seen what
were the principal predictions in respect to Idumea.
"L From generation to generation it shall lie waste; none shall
pass through it for ever and ever.   But the cormorant and the
bittern shall possess it; the owl-also and the raven shall dwell in
it; and he shall stretch out upon it the line of confusion and the
stones of emptiness.   They shall call the nobles thereof to the
kingdom, but none shall be there, and all her princes shall be
nothing. And thorns shall come up in her palaces, nettles and
brambles in the fortresses thereof; and it shall be a habitation
for dragons and a court for owls.   The wild beasts of the desert
shall also meet with the wild beasts of the island, and the satyr
shall cry to his fellow; the screech-owl also shall rest there, and
find for herself a place of rest.  There shall the great owl make
her nest, and lay and hatch, and gather under her shadow; there
shall the vultures also be gathered, every one with her mate.
Seek ye out of the Book of the Lord, and read; no one of these
* Of course it will be understood that a proper allowance must be made
for the usaal hyperbolical tendency of the language of the East.





380   REVIEW OF STEPHENS' ARABIA PETIlIEA, ETC.
shall fail, none shall want her mate; for my mouth it hath commanded, and his spirit it hath gathered them. And he hath cast
the lot for them, and his hand hath divided it unto them by line;
they shall possess it for ever and ever, from generation to generation shall they dwell therein." Isaiah: xxxiv. 5, 10-17. "Thus
will I make Mount Seir most desolate, and cut off from it him
that passeth out and him that returneth." Ezekiel: xxxv. 7.
In regard to such of the passages here quoted as are not
printed in Italics, we must be content with referring to the treatise of Keith already mentioned, wherein the evidences of the
fulfilment of the predictions in their most minute particulars are
gathered into one view. We may as well, however, present
here the substance of his observations respecting the words"none shall pass through it for ever and ever," and " thus will I
make Mount Seir desolate, and cut off from it him that passeth
out and him that returneth."
He says that Volney, Burckhardt, Joliffe, Henniker, and Captains Irby and Mangles, adduce a variety of circumstances, all
conspiring to prove that Idumea, which was long resorted to
from every quarter, is so beset on every side with dangers to
the traveller, that literally none pass through it; that even the
Arabs of the neighboring regions, whose home is the desert, and
whose occupation is wandering, are afraid to enter it, or to conduct any within its borders. He says, too, that amid all this
manifold testimony to its truth, there is not, in any single instance, the most distant allusion to the prediction-that the evidence is unsuspicious and undesigned.
A Roman road passed directly through Idumea from Jerusalem to Akaba, and another from Akaba to Moab; and when these
roads were made, at a time long posterior to the date of the
predictions, the conception could not have been formed, or held
credible by man, that the period would ever arrive when none
should pass through it. Indeed, seven hundred years after the
date of the prophecy, we are informed by Strabo that the roads
were actually in use. The prediction is yet more surprising, he
says, when viewed in conjunction with that which implies that
travellers should pass by Idumea-" every one that goeth by
Fhall be astonished."  The routes of the pilgrims from Damas




REVIEW OF STEPHENS' ARABIA PETRJEA, ETC.        381
cus, and from Cairo to Mecca, the one on the east and the other
towards the south of Edom, along the whole of its extent, go by
it, or touch partially on its borders, without going through it.
Not even, he says, the cases of Seetzen and Burckhardt can
be urged against the literal fulfilment, although Seetzen actually
did pass through Idumea, and Burckhardt traversed a considerable portion of it. The former died not long after the completion of his journey; and the latter never recovered from the
effects of the hardships endured on the route-dying at Cairo.
"Neither of them," we have given the precise words of Mr.
Keith, ' lived to return to Europe. I will cut off from Mount
Seir him that passeth out and him that returneth. Strabo mentions that there was a direct road from Petra to Jericho, of three
or four days' journey. Captains Irby and Mangles were eighteen
days in reaching it from Jerusalem. They did not pass through
Idumea, and they did return. Seetzen and Burckhardt did pass
through it, and they did not return."
" The words of the prediction," he elsewhere observes, " might
well be understood as merely implying that Idumea would cease
to be a thoroughfare for the commerce of the nations which adjoined it, and that its highly-frequented marts would be forsaken
as centres of intercourse and traffic; and easy would have been
the task of demonstrating its truth in this limited sense which
skepticism itself ought not to be unwilling to authorize."
Here is, no doubt, much inaccuracy and misunderstanding;
and the exact boundaries of ancient Edom are, apparently, not
borne in mind by the commentator. Idumea proper was, strictly
speaking, only the mountainous tract of country east of the valley of El-Ghor. The Idumeans, if we rightly apprehend, did
not get possession of any portion of the south of Judea till after
the exile, and consequently until after the prophecies in question.
They then advanced as far as Hebron, where they were arrested
by the Maccabees. That " Seetzen actually did pass through
Idumea," cannot therefore be asserted; and thus much is in favor
of the whole argument of Dr. Keith, while in contradiction to a
branch of that argument. The traveller in question (see his
own Narrative,) pursuing his route on the east of the Dead Sea,
proceeded no farther in this direction than to Kerek, when he





382   REVIEW OF STEPHENS' ARABIA PETRALA, ETC.
retraced his way-afterwards going from  Hebron to Mount
Sinai, over the desert eastward of Edom. Neither is it strictly
correct that he " died not long after the completion of his journey." Several years afterwards he was actively employed in
Egypt, and finally died; not from constitutional injury sustained
from any former adventure, but, if we remember, from the effects
of poison administered by his guide in a journey from Mocha
into the heart of Arabia. We see no ground either for the statement that Burckhardt owed his death to hardships endured in
Idumea. Having visited Petra, and crossed the western desert
of Egypt in the year 1812, we find him, four years afterwards,
sufficiently well, at Mount Sinai. He did not die until the close
of 1817, and then of a diarrhoea brought about by the imprudent
use of cold water.
But let us dismiss these and some other instances of misstatement. It should not be a matter of surprise that, perceiving, as
he no doubt did, the object of the circumstantiality of prophecy,
clearly seeing in how many wonderful cases its minutim had been
fulfilled, and withal being thoroughly imbued with a love of truth,
and with that zeal which is becoming in a Christian, Dr. Keith
should have plunged somewhat hastily or blindly into these inquiries, and pushed to an improper extent the principle for which
he contended. It should be observed that the passage cited just
above in regard to Seetzen and Burckhardt, is given in a footnote, and has the appearance of an after-thought, about whose
propriety its author did not feel perfectly content. It is certainly very difficult to reconcile the literal fulfilment of the prophecy with an acknowledgment militating so violently against it
as we find in his own words-" Seetzen actually did pass through
Idumea, and Burckhardt travelled through a considerable portion
of it."  And what we are told subsequently in respect to Irby
and Mangles, and Seetzen and Burckhardt-that these did not
pass through Idumea and did return, while those did pass through
and did not return-where a passage from Ezekiel is brought to
sustain collaterally a passage from Isaiah-is certainly not in
the spirit of literal investigation; partaking, indeed, somewhat of
equivoque.
But in regard to the possibility of the actual passage thr'uh





REVIEW OF STEPHENS' ARABIA PETRIEA, ETC.       383
Edom, we might now consider all ambiguity at an end, could we
suffer ourselves to adopt the opinion of Mr. Stephens, that he
himself had at length traversed the disputed region. What we
have said already, however, respecting the proper boundaries of
that Idumea to which the prophecies have allusion, will assure
the reader that we cannot entertain this idea. It will be clearly
seen that he did not pass through the Edom of Ezekiel. That
he might have done so, however, is sufficiently evident. The
indomitable perseverance which bore him up amid the hardships
and dangers of the route actually traversed, would, beyond doubt,
have sufficed to ensure him a successful passage even through
Idumea the proper. And this we say, maintaining still an unhesitating belief in the literal understanding of the prophecies.
It is essential, however, that these prophecies be literally rendered; and it is a matter for regret as well as surprise, that Dr.
Keith should have failed to determine so important a point as
the exactness or falsity of the version of his text. This we will
now briefly examine.
Isaiah xxxiv. 10.
nrj.-" For an eternity,".xnm--" of eternities,"
%k6- "  n ot,"
b-. " moving about,"
'.--" in it."
" For an eternity of eternities (there shall) not (be any one)
moving about in it."  The literal meaning of ",m " is "in it,"
not " through it."  The participle " an " refers to one moving
to and fro or up and down, and is the same term which is rendered " current," as an epithet of money, in Genesis xxiii. 16.
The prophet means that there shall be no marks of life in the
land, no living being there, no one moving up and down in it:
and are, of course, to be taken with the usual allowance for that
hyperbole which is a main feature, and indeed the genius of the
language.
Ezekiel xxxv. 7.
nl-'" and I will give,",rrX-1" the mountain',





384   REVIEW OF STEPHENS' ARABIA PETRJEA, ETC.
"^_--" Seir,"
*?7-n   -" for a desolation,",ny.12-" and a desolation,"
-~----" and I will cut off,"
~lý.--" from it,"
-!-" it him that goeth,"
zlý-" and him that returneth."
IT T
"And I will give mount Seir for an utter desolation, and will
cut off from it him that passeth and repasseth therein."  The
reference here is the same as in the previous passage, and the
inhabitants of the land are alluded to as moving about therein,
and actively employed in the business of life. The meaning of
" passing and repassing" is sanctioned by Gesenius, s. v. vol. 2,
p. 570, Leo's Trans. Compare Zachariah vii. 14, and ix. 8. There
is something analogous in the Hebrew-Greek phrase occurring
in Acts ix. 28. Ka' 'v /IETr avOrwV ElO'TrOpEVOuEvos  KOaL KTrOpEvO/PLEVOs
Ev 'IEpovo-aX-./r. "And he was with them in Jerusalem coming
in and going out." The Latin " versatus est" conveys the meaning precisely; which is, that Saul, the new convert, was on intimate terms with the true believers in Jerusalem, moving about
among them to and fro, or in and out. It is plain, therefore, that
the words of the prophets, in both cases, and when literally construed, intend only to predict the general desolation and abandonment of the land. Indeed, it should have been taken into
consideration, that a strict prohibition on the part of the Deity,
of an entrance into, or passage through, Idumea, would have
effectually cut off from mankind all evidence of this prior sentence of desolation and abandonment; the prediction itself being
thus rendered a dead letter, when viewed in regard to its ulterior
and most important purpose-the dissemination of the faith.
Mr. Stephens was strongly dissuaded from his design. Almost
the only person who encouraged him was Mr. Gliddon, our consul; and but for him the idea would have been abandoned. The
dangers indeed were many, and the difficulties more. By good
fortune, however, the sheik of Akaba was then at Cairo. The
great yearly caravan of pilgrims for Mecca was assembling beneath the walls, and he had been summoned by the pacha to escort and protect them through the desert as far as Akaba. He





REVIEW OF STEPHENS' ARABIA. PETRZEA, ETC.       385
was the chief of a powerful tribe of Bedouins, maintaining, in all
its vigor, the independence of their race, and bidding defiance to
the pacha, while they yielded him such obedience as comported
with their own immediate interests.
With this potentate our traveller entered into negotiation.
The precise service required of him was, to conduct Mr. Stephens
from Akaba to Hebron, through the land of Edom, diverging to
visit the excavated city of Petra,-a journey of about ten days.
A very indefinite arrangement was at length made. Mr. Stephens, after visiting Mount Sinai, was to repair to Akaba, where
he would meet the escort of the Bedouin. With a view to protection on his way from Cairo to the Holy Mountain, the latter
gave him his signet, which he told him would be respected by
all Arabs on the route.
The arrangements for the journey as far as Mount Sinai had
been made for our traveller by- Mr. Gliddon. A Bedouin was
procured as guide who had been with M. Laborde to Petra, and
whose faith, as well as capacity, could be depended upon. The
caravan consisted of eight camels and dromedaries, with three
young Arabs as drivers. The tent was the common tent of the
Egyptian soldiers, bought at the government factory, being very
light, ensily carried and pitched. The bedding was a mattress
and coverlet: provision, bread, biscuit, rice, macaroni, tea, coffee,
dried apricots, oranges, a roasted leg of mutton, and two large
skins containing the filtered water of the Nile. Thus equipped,
the party struck immediately into the desert lying between Cairo
and Suez, reaching the latter place, with but little incident, after
a journey of four days. At Suez, our traveller, wearied with his
experiment of the dromedary, made an attempt to hire a boat,
with a view of proceeding down the Red Sea to Tor, supposed
to be the Elino, or place of palm-trees mentioned in the Exodus
of the Israelites, and only two days' journey from Mount Sinai.
The boats, however, were all taken by pilgrims, and none could
be procured-at least for so long a voyage. He accordingly sent
off his camels round the head of the gulf, and crossing himself by
water, met them on the Petrean side of the sea.
" I am aware," says Mr. Stephens, " that there is some dispute
as to the precise spot where Moses crossed; but having no time
VOL. IV.-25





386   REVIEW OF STEPHENS' ARABIA PETRAEA, ETC.
for skepticism on such matters, I began by making up my mind
that this was the place, and then looked around to see whether,
according to the account given in the Bible, the faee of the country and the natural landmarks did not sustain my opinion. I
remember I looked up to the head of the gulf, where Suez or
Kolsum now stands, and saw that almost to the very head of the
gulf there was a high range of mountains which it would be necessary to cross, an undertaking which it would have been physically impossible for 600,000 people, men, women, and children
to accomplish, with a hostile army pursuing them. At Suez,
Moses could not have been hemmed in as he was; he could go
off into the Syrian desert, or, unless the sea has greatly changed
since that time, round the head of the gulf. But here, directly
opposite where I sat, was an opening in the mountains, making
a clear passage from the desert to the shore of the sea. It is
admitted that from the earliest history of the country, there was
a caravan route from the Rameseh of the Pharaohs to this spot,
and it was perfectly clear to my mind that, if the account be true
at all, Moses had taken that route; that it was directly opposite
me, between the two mountains, where he had come down
with his multitude to the shore, and that it was there he had
found himself hemmed in, in the manner described in the Bible,
with the sea before him, and the army of Pharaoh in his rear; it
was there he stretched out his hand and divided the waters;
and probably on the very spot where I sat the children of Israel
had kneeled upon the sands to offer thanks to God for his miraculous interposition. The distance, too, was in confirmation of
this opinion. It was about twenty miles across; the distance
which that immense multitude, with their necessary baggage,
could have passed in the space of time (a night) mentioned in,
the Bible. Besides my own judgment and conclusions, I had,
authority on the spot, in my Bedouin Toualeb, who talked of it
with as much certainty as if he had seen it himself; and by the
waning light of the moon, pointed out the metes and bounds
according to the tradition received from his fathers."
Mr. Stephens is here greatly in error, and has placed himself
in direct opposition to all authority on the subject. It is quite
evident, that since the days of the miracle, the sea has " greatly





nEVIEW OF STEPHENS' ARABIA PETR2EA, ETC.        387
changed" round the head of the gulf. It is now several feet
lower, as appears from the alluvial condition of several bitter
lakes in the vicinity. On this topic Niebuhr, who examined the
matter with his accustomed learning, acumen, and perseverance,
is indisputable authority. But he merely agrees with all the
most able writers on this head. The passage occurred at Suez.
The chief arguments sustaining this position are deduced from
the ease by which the miracle could have been wrought, on a
sea so shaped, by means of a strong wind blowing from the northeast.
Resuming his journey to the southward, our traveller passed
safely through a barren and mountainous region, bare of verdure,
and destitute of water, in about seven days to Mount Sinai. It
is to be regretted, that in his account of a country so little traversed as this peninsula, Mr. Stephens has not entered more into
detail. Upon his adventures at the Holy Mountain, which are
of great interest, he dwells somewhat at length.
At Akaba he met the Sheik as by agreement. A horse of the
best breed of Arabia was provided, and, although suffering from
ill health, he proceeded manfully through the desert to Petra and
Mount Hor. The difficulties of the route proved to be chiefly
those arising from the rapacity of his friend, the Sheik of Akaba,
who threw a thousand impediments in his way with the purpose
of magnifying the importance of the service rendered, and obtaining, in consequence, the larger allowance of bucksheesh.
The account given of Petra agrees in all important particulars
with those rendered by the very few travellers who had previously visited it. With these accounts our readers are sufficiently
acquainted. The singular character of the city, its vast antiquity.
its utter loss, for more than a thousand years, to the eyes of the
civilized world; and, above all, the solemn denunciations of prophecy regarding it, have combined to invest these ruins with an
interest beyond that of any others in existence, and to render
what has been written concerning them familiar knowledge to
nearly every individual who reads.
Leaving Petra, after visiting Mount Hor, Mr. Stephens returned to the valley of El-Ghor, and fell into the caravan route
for Gaza, which crosses the valley obliquely. Coming out from





388   REVIEW OF STEPHENS' ARABIA PETRXEA, ETC.
the ravine among the mountains to the westward, he here left
the road to Gaza, and pushed immediately on to Hebron. This
distance (between the Gaza route and Hebron) is, we believe,
the only positively new route accomplished by our American
tourist. We understand that, in 1826, Messieurs Strangeways
and Anson passed over the ground, on the Gaza road from Petra,
to the point where it deviates for Hebron. On the part of Mr.
Stephens's course, which we have thus designated as new, it is
well known that a great public road existed in the later days of
the Roman empire, and that several cities were located immediately upon it. Mr. Stephens discovered some ruins, but his state
of health, unfortunately, prevented a minute investigation. Those
which he encountered are represented as forming rude and shapeless masses; there were no columns, no blocks of marble, or other
large stones, indicating architectural greatness. The Pentinger
Tables place Helusa in this immediate vicinity, and, but for the
character of the ruins seen, we might have supposed them to be
the remnants of that. city.
The latter part of our author's second volume is occupied with
his journeyings in the Holy Land, and, principally, with an account of his visit to Jerusalem. What relates to the Dead Sea
we are induced to consider as, upon the whole, the most interesting, if not the most important portion of his book. It was his
original intention to circumnavigate this lake, but the difficulty
of procuring a boat proved an obstacle not to be surmounted.
He traversed, nevertheless, no little extent of its shores, bathed
in it, saw distincly that the Jordan does mingle with its waters,
and that birds floated upon it, and flew over its surface.
But it is time that we conclude. Mr. Stephens passed through
Samaria and Galilee, stopping at Nablous, the ancient Sychem;
the burial-place of the patriarch Joseph; and the ruins of Sebaste; crossed the battle-plain of Jezreel; ascended Mount Tabor; visited Nazareth, the lake of Genesareth, the cities of Tiberias and Saphet, Mount Carmel, Acre, Sour, and Sidon. At
Beyroot he took passage for Alexandria, and thence, finally returned to Europe.
The volumes are written in general with a freedom, a frankness, and an utter absence of pretension, which will secure them





REVIEW OF STEPHENS' ARABIA PETRXEA, ETC.         389
the respect and good-will of all parties. The author professes
to have compiled his narrative merely from " brief notes and recollections," admitting that he has probably fallen into errors regarding facts and impressions-errors he has been prevented
from seeking out and correcting by the urgency of other occupations since his return. We have, therefore, thought it quite as
well not to trouble our readers, in this cursory review, with references to parallel travels, now familiar, and whose merits and
demerits are sufficiently well understood.
We take leave of Mr. Stephens with sentiments of hearty
respect. We hope it is not the last time we shall hear from
him. He is a traveller with whom we shall like to take other
journeys.  Equally free from the exaggerated sentimentality
of Chateaubriand, or the sublimated, the too French enthusiasm
of Lamartine on the one hand, and on the other from the degrading spirit of utilitarianism, which sees in mountains and waterfalls only quarries and manufacturing sites, Mr. Stephens writes
like a man of good sense and sound feeling.





LETTER TO B--*
IT has been said that a good critique on a poem may be
written by one who is no poet himself. This, according to your
idea and mine of poetry, I feel to be false-the less poetical the
1critic, the less just the critique, and the converse.  On this
account, and because there are but few B-  's in the world, I
would be as much ashamed of the world's good opinion as proud
of your own. Another than yourself might here observe, " Shakespeare is in possession of the world's good opinion, and yet
Shakespeare is the greatest of poets. It appears then that the
world judge correctly, why should you be ashamed of their
favorable judgment?" The difficulty lies in the interpretation
of the word "judgment" or "opinion."    The opinion is the
world's, truly, but it may be called theirs as a man would call a
book his, having bought it; he did not write the book, but it is
his; they did not originate the opinion, but it is theirs. A fool,
for example, thinks Shakespeare a great poet-yet the fool has
never read Shakespeare. But the fool's neighbor, who is a step
higher on the Andes of the mind, whose head (that is to say, his
more exalted thought), is too far above the fool to be seen or
understood, but whose feet (by which I mean his every-day
actions) are sufficiently near to be discerned, and by means of
which that superiority is ascertained, which but for them would
* Printed, with the following note in the second volume of the Southern
Literary Messenger: " These detached passages form part of the preface
to a small volume printed some years ago for private circulation. They have
vigor and much originality-but of course we shall not be called upon to
endorse all the writer's opinions."





LETTER TO B

391


never have been discovered-this neighbor asserts that Shakespeare is a great poet-the fool believes him, and it is henceforward his opinion. This neighbor's own opinion has, in like
manner, been adopted from one above him, and so, ascendingly,
to a few gifted individuals, who kneel around the summit, beholding, face to face, the master spirit who stands upon the
pinnacle....
You are aware of the great barrier in the path of an American writer. He is read, if at all, in preference to the combined
and established wit of the world. I say established; for it is
with literature as with law or empire-an established name is
an estate in tenure, or a throne in possession. Besides, one
might suppose that books, like their authors, improve by travel
-their having crossed the sea is, with us, so great a distinction.
Our antiquaries abandon time for distance; our very fops glance
from the binding to the bottom of the title-page, where the mystic characters which spell London, Paris, or Genoa, are precisely
so many letters of recommendation..
I mentioned just now a vulgar error as regards criticism. I
think the notion that no poet can form a correct estimate of his
own writings is another. I remarked before, that in proportion
to the poetical talent, would be the justice of a critique upon
poetry. Therefore, a bad poet would, I grant, make a false
critique, and his self-love would infallibly bias his little judgment in his favor; but a poet, who is indeed a poet, could not, I
think, fail of making a just critique. Whatever should be deducted on the score of self-love, might be replaced on account cf
his intimate acquaintance with the subject; in short, we have
more instances of false criticism than of just, where one's own
writings are the test, simply because we have more bad poets
than good. There are of course many objections to what I say:
Milton is a great example of the contrary; but his opinion with
respect to the Paradise Regained, is by no means fairly ascertained. By what trivial circumstances men are often led to
assert what they do not really believe! Perhaps an inadvertent
word has descended to posterity. But, in fact, the Paradise
Regained is little, if at all, inferior to the Paradise Lost, and is
only supposed so to be, because men dot not like epics, whatever





392


LETTER TO B


they may say to the contrary, and reading those of Milton in
their natural order, are too much wearied with the first to derive
any pleasure from the second.
I dare say Milton preferred Comus to either-if so-justly..
As I am speaking of poetry, it will not be amiss to touch
slightly upon the most singular heresy in its modern historythe heresy of what is called very foolishly, the Lake School.
Some years ago I might have been induced, by an occasion like
the present, to attempt a formal refutation of their doctrine; at
present it would be a work of supererogation. The wise must
bow to the wisdom of such men as Coleridge and Southey, but
being wise, have laughed at poetical theories so prosaically
exemplified.
Aristotle, with singular assurance, has declared poetry the
most philosophical of all writings*--but it required a Wordsworth to pronounce it the most metaphysical. He seems to
think that the end of poetry is, or should be, instruction-yet it
is a truism that the end of our existence is happiness; if so, the
end of every separate part of our existence-everything connected with our existence should be still happiness. Therefore
the end of instruction should be happiness; and happiness is
another name for pleasure;-therefore the end of instruction
should be pleasure: yet we see the above mentioned opinion
implies precisely the reverse.
To proceed: ceteris paribus, he who pleases, is of more importance to his fellow men than he who instructs, since utility is
happiness, and pleasure is the end already obtained which instruction is merely the means of obtaining.
I see no reason, then, why our metaphysical poets should
plume themselves so much on the utility of their works, unless
indeed they refer to instruction with eternity in view; in which
case, sincere respect for their piety would not allow me to express my contempt for their judgment; contempt which it would
be difficult to conceal, since their writings are professedly to be
understood by the few, and it is the many who stand in need of
salvation. In such case I should no doubt be tempted to think
of the devil in Mlelmoth, who labors indefatigably through three
Spoudiotaton kai philosophikotaton genos.





LETTER TO B-.


393


octave volumes, to accomplish the destruction of one or two souls,
while any common devil would have demolished one or two
thousand..
Against the subtleties which would make poetry a study-not
a passion-it becomes the metaphysician to reason-but the poet
to protest. Yet Wordsworth and Coleridge are men in years;
the one imbued in contemplation from his childhood, the other a
giant in intellect and learning. The diffidence, then, with which
I venture to dispute their authority, would be overwhelming, did
I not feel, from the bottom of my heart, that learning has little
to do with the imagination-intellect with the passions-or age
with poetry...
"Trifles, like straws, upon the surface flow,
He who would search for pearls must dive below,"
are lines which have done much mischief. As regards the
greater truths, men oftener err by seeking them at the bottom
than at the top; the depth lies in the huge abysses where wisdom is sought-not in the palpable palaces where she is found.
The ancients were not always right in hiding the goddess in a
well: witness the light which Bacon has thrown upon philosophy; witness the principles of our divine faith-that moral mechanism by which the simplicity of a child may overbalance the
wisdom of a man.
We see an instance of Coleridge's liability to err, in his Biographia Literaria-professedly his literary life and opinions, but,
in fact, a treatise de omni scibili et quibusdam aliis. He goes
wrong by reason of his very profundity, and of his error we have
a natural type in the contemplation of a star. He who regards
it directly and intensely sees, it is true, the star, but it is the star
without a ray-while he who surveys it less inquisitively is conscious of all for which the star is useful to us below-its brilliancy and its beauty..
As to Wordsworth, I have no faith in him. That he had, in
youth, the feelings of a poet I believe-for there are glimpses of
extreme delicacy in his writings-(and delicacy is the poet's own
kingdoma-his El Dorado)-but they have the appearance of a
better day recollected; and glimpses, at best, are little evidence





394


LETTER TO B


of present poetic fire-we know that a few straggling flowers
spring up daily in the crevices of the glacier.
He was to blame in wearing away his youth in contemplation
with the end of poetizing in his manhood. With the increase of
his judgment the light which should make it apparent has faded
away. His judgment consequently is too correct. This may
not be understood,-but the old Goths of Germany would have
understood it, who used to debate matters of importance to their
State twice, once when drunk, and once when sober-sober that
they might not be deficient in formality-drunk lest they should
be destitute of vigor.
The long wordy discussions by which he tries to reason us into
admiration of his poetry, speak very little in his favor: they are
full of such assertions as this-(I have opened one of his volumes
at random) " Of genius the only proof is the act of doing well
what is worthy to be done, and what was never done before "indeed! then it follows that in doing what is unworthy to be
done, or what has been done before, no genius can be evinced;
yet the picking of pockets is an unworthy act, pockets have been
picked time immemorial, and Barrington, the pick-pocket, in
point of genius, would have thought hard of a comparison with
William Wordsworth, the poet.
Again-in estimating the merit of certain poems, whether they
be Ossian's or M'Pherson's, can surely be of little consequence,
yet, in order to prove their worthlessness, Mr. W. has expended
many pages in the controversy. Tantcene animis?  Can great
minds descend to such absurdity? But worse still: that he may
bear down every argument in favor of these poems, he triumphantly drags forward a passage, in his abomination of which he
expects the reader to sympathize. It is the beginning of the
epic poem " Temora."  "The blue waves of Ullin roll in light;
the green hills are covered with day; trees shake their dusky
heads in the breeze."  And this-this gorgeous, yet simple
imagery, where all is alive and panting with immortality-this,
William Wordsworth, the author of " Peter Bell," has selected
for his contempt. We shall see what better he, in his own person, has to offer. Imprimis:





LETTER TO B-.5


395


"And now she's at the pony's head,
And now she's at the pony's tail,
On that side now, and now on this,
And almost stifled her with blissA few sad tears does Betty shed,
She pats the pony where or when
She knows not: happy Betty Foy!
0, Johnny! never mind the Doctor!"
Secondly:
" The dew was falling fast, the-stars began to blink,
I heard a voice; it said- drink, pretty creature, drink;
And, looking o'er the hedge, be-fore me I espied
A snow-white mountain lamb, with a-maiden at its side.
No other sheep were near, the lamb was all alone,
And by a slender cord was-tether'd to a stone."
Now, we have no doubt this is all true; we will believe it.
indeed, we will, Mr. W. Is it sympathy for the sheep you wish
to excite?  I love a sheep from the bottom of my heart.....
But there are occasions, dear B-, there are occasions when
even Wordsworth is reasonable. Even Stamboul, it is said,
shall have an end, and the most unlucky blunders must come to
a conclusion. Here is an extract from his preface" Those who have been accustomed to the phraseology of modern writers, if they persist in reading this book to a conclusion
(impossible!) will, no doubt, have to struggle with feelings of
awkwardness; (ha! ha! ha!) they will look round for poetry
(ha! ha! ha! ha!) and will be induced to inquire by what species
of courtesy these attempts have been permitted to assume that
title."  Ha! ha! ha! ha! ha!
Yet, let not Mr. W. despair; he has given immortality to a
wagon, and the bee Sophocles has transmitted to eternity a sore
toe, and dignified a tragedy with a chorus of turkeys....
Of Coleridge, I cannot speak but with reverence. His towering intellect! his gigantic power! He is one more evidence of
the fact " que la plupart des sectes out raison dans une bonne
partie de ce qu'elles avancent, mais non pas en ce qu'elles nient."
He has imprisoned his own conceptions by the barrier he has
erected against those of others. It is lamentable to think that
such a mind should be buried in nmeiaphysics, and, like the





396


LETTER TO B.


Nyctanthes, waste its perfume upon the night alone. In reading
his poetry, I tremble, like one who stands upon a volcano, conscious, from the very darkness bursting from the crater, of the
fire and the light that are weltering below.
What is Poetry?-Poetry! that Proteus-like idea, with as
many appellations as the nine-titled Corcyra! " Give me," I
demanded of a scholar some time ago, " give me a definition of
poetry."  "Tres-volontiers;" and he proceeded to his library,
brought me a Dr. Johnson, and overwhelmed me with a definition. Shade of the immortal Shakespeare! I imagine to myself
the scowl of your spiritual eye upon the profanity of that
scurrilous Ursa Major. Think of poetry, dear B-, think of
poetry, and then think of Dr. Samuel Johnson! Think of all
that is airy and fairy-like, and then of all that is hideous and
unwieldy; think of his huge bulk, the Elephant! and then-and
then think of the Tempest-the Midsummer Night's DreamProspero-OberQn-and Titania!....
A poem, in my opinion, is opposed to a work of science by
having, for its immediate object, pleasure, not truth; to romance,
by having, for its object, an indefinite instead of a definite
pleasure, being a poem only so far as this object is attained;
romance presenting perceptible images with definite, poetry with
indefinite sensations, to which end music is an essential, since the
comprehension of sweet sound is our most indefinite conception.
Music, when combined with a pleasurable idea, is poetry; music,
without the idea, is simply music; the idea, without the music, is
prose, from its very definitiveness.
What was!meant by the invective against him who had no,music in his soul?....
To sum up this long rigmarole, I have, dear B ---, what you,
no doubt, perceive, for the metaphysical poet~s, as poets, the most
sovereign contempt. That they have followers proves nothing--
No Indian prince has to his palace
More followers than a thief to the gallows.





MIAGAZINE-WRITING.-PETER SNOOK.
IN a late number of the Democratic Review, there appeared
a very excellent paper (by Mr. Duyckinck) on the subject of
Magazine Literature-a subject much less thoroughly comprehended here than either in France or in England. In America,
we compose, now and then, agreeable essays and other matters
of that character-but we have not yet caught the true Magazine
spirit-a thing neither to be defined nor described. Mr. Duyckinck's article, although piquant, is not altogether to our mind.
We think he places too low an estimate on the capability of the
Maigazine paper. He is inclined to undervalue its power-to
limit unnecessarily its province-which is illimitable. In fact, it
is in the extent of subject, and not less in the extent or variety of
tone, that the French and English surpass us, to so good a purpose. How very rarely are we struck with an American Magazine article, as with an absolute novelty-how frequently the
foreign articles so affect us! We are so circumstanced as to be
unable to pay for elaborate compositions-and, after all, the true
invention is elaborate. There is no greater mistake than the
supposition that a true originality is a mere matter of impulse or
inspiration. To originate, is carefully, patiently, and understandingly to combine. The few American Magazinists who ever
think of this elaboration at all, cannot afford to carry it into
practice for the paltry prices offered them by our periodical
publishers. For this and other glaring reasons, we are behind
the age in a very important branch of literature-a branch which,
moreover, is daily growing in importance-and which, in the end





398        MAGAZINE-WRITING-PETER SNOOK.
(not far distant), will be the most influential of all the departments
of Letters.
We are lamentably deficient, not only in invention proper, but
in that which is, more strictly, art. What American, for instance,
in penning a criticism, ever supposes himself called upon to present his readers with more than the exact stipulation of his title
- to present them with a criticism and something beyond? Who
thinks of making his critique a work of art in itself-independently of its critical opinions?-a work of art, such as are all the
more elaborate, and most effective reviews of Macaulay? Yet,
these reviews we have evinced no incapacity to appreciate, when
presented. The best American review ever penned is miserably
ineffective when compared with the notice of Montagu's Baconand yet this latter is, in general, a piece of tawdry sophistry,
owing everything to a consummate, to an exquisite arrangement
-to a thorough and just sufficiently comprehensive diffusenessto a masterly climacing of points-to a style which dazzles the
understanding with its brilliancy-but not more than it misleads
it by its perspicuity-causing us so distinctly to comprehend that
we fancy we coincide-in a word, to the perfection of art-of all
the art which a Macaulay can wield, or which is applicable to any
criticism that a Macaulay could write.
It is, however, in the composition of that class of Magazine
papers which come, properly, under the head of Tales, that we
evince the most remarkable deficiency in skill. If we except,
first, Mr. Hawthorne-secondly, Mr. Simms-thirdly, Mr. Willis-and fourthly, one or two others, whom we may as well put
mentally together without naming them-there is not even a
respectably skilful tale-writer on this side the Atlantic. We
have seen, to be sure, many very well-constructed stories-individual specimens-the work of American Magazinists; but these
specimens have invariably appeared to be happy accidents of
construction; their authors, in subsequent tales, having always
evinced an incapacity to construct.
We have been led to a comparison of the American with the
British ability in tale-writing, by a perusal of some Magazine
papers, the composition of the author of " Chartley," and " The
Invisible Gentleman."  He is one of the best of the EngMlish





MAGAZINE-WRITING-- PETER SNOOK.


399


journalists, and has some of the happiest peculiarities of Dickens,
whom he preceded in the popular favor. The longest and best
of his tales, properly so called, is " Peter Snook," and this presents so many striking points for the consideration of the Magazinist, that we feel disposed to give an account of it in full.
Peter Snook, the hero, and the beau ideal of a Cockney, is a
retail linen-draper in Bishopgate street.  He is, of course, a
stupid and conceited, although, at bottom, a very good little
fellow, and 1" always looks as if he was frightened." Matters go
on very thrivingly with him, until he becomes acquainted with
Miss Clarinda Bodkin, " a young lady owning to almost thirty,
and withal a great proficient in the mysteries of millinery and
mantua-making."  Love and ambition, however, set the little
gentleman somewhat beside himself. " If Miss Clarinda would
but have me," says he, " we might divide the shop, and have a
linen-drapery side, and a haberdashery and millinery side, and
one would help the other. There'd be only one rent to pay, and
a double business-and it would be so comfortable, too!" Thinking thus, Peter commences a flirtation, to which Miss Clarinda
but doubtfully responds. Ile escorts the lady to White Conduit
House, Bagnigge Wells, and other genteel places of public resort
-and, finally, is so rash as to accede t9 the proposition, on her
part, of a trip to Margate. At this epoch of the narrative, the
writer observes that the subsequent proceedings of the hero are
gathered from accounts rendered by himself, when called upon,
after the trip, for explanation.
It is agreed that Miss Clarinda shall set out alone for Margate
-Mr. Snook following her, after some indispensable arrangements. These occupy him until the middle of July, at which
period, taking passage in the " Rose in June," he safely reaches
his destination. But various misfortunes here await him,-misfortunes admirably adapted to the meridian of Cockney feeling,
and the capacity of Cockney endurance.   His umbrella, for
example, and a large brown paper parcel, containing a new peagreen coat and flower-patterned embroidered silk waistcoat, are
tumbled into the water at the landing-place, and Miss Bodkin
forbids him her presence in his old clothes. By a tumble of his
own, too, the skin is rubbed from both his shins fbr several





400        MAGAZINE-WRITING--PETER SNOOK.
inches, and the surgeon, having no regard to the lover's cotilion
engagements, enjoins on him a total abstinence from dancing. A
cock-chafer, moreover, is at the trouble of flying into one of his
eyes, and (worse than all) a tall military-looking shoemaker,
Mr. Last, has taken advantage of the linen-draper's delay in
reaching Margate, to ingratiate himself with his mistress. Finally,
he is cut by Last, and rejected by the lady, and has nothing left
for it, but to secure a homeward passage in the " Rose in June."
In the evening of the second day after his departure, the vessel
drops anchor off Greenwich. Most of the passengers go ashore,
with the view of taking the stage to the city. Peter, however,
who considers that he has already spent money enough to no
purpose, prefers remaining on board. "We shall get to Billingsgate," says he, " while I am sleeping, and I shall have plenty of
time to go home and dress, and go into the city and borrow the
trifle I may want for Pester and Company's bill, that comes due
the day after to-morrow." This determination is a source of
much trouble to our hero, as will be seen in the sequel. Some
shopmen who remain with him in the packet, tempt him to unusual indulgences, in the way, first, of brown stout, and, secondly,
of positive French brandy. The consequence is, that Mr. Snook
falls, thirdly, asleep, and, fourthly, overboard.
About dawn on the morning after this event, Ephraim Hobson,
the confidential clerk and factotum of Mr. Peter Snook, is disturbed from a sound sleep by the sudden appearance of his master. That gentleman seems to be quite in a bustle, and delights
Ephraim with an account of a whacking wholesale order for
exportation just received. " Not a word to anybody about the
matter!" exclaims Peter, with unusual emphasis. " It's such an
opportunity as don't come often in a man's life-time. There's a
captain of a ship-he's the owner of her, too; but never mind!
there an't time to enter into particulars now, but you'll know all
by and bye-all you have to do, is to do as I tell you-so, come
along!"
Setting Ephraim to work, with directions to pack up immediately all the goods in the shop, with the exception of a few
trifling articles, the master avows his intention of going into the
city, " to borrow enough money to make up Pester's bill, due to




MAGAZINE-WRITING-PETER SNOOK.


401


morrow."   "I don't think you'll want much, Sir," replied Mr.
Hobson with a self-complacent air. "I've been looking about
long-winded 'uns, you see, since you've been gone, and I've got
Shy's money and Slack's account, which we'd pretty well given
up for a bad job, and one or two more. There,-there's the list
-and there's the key to the strong box, where you'll find the
money, besides what I've took at the counter."   Peter, at this,
seems well pleased, and shortly afterwards goes out, saying, he
cannot tell when he'll be back, and, giving directions that whatever goods may be sent in during his absence, shall be left untouched till his return.
It appears that, after leaving his shop, Mr. Snook proceeded
to that of Jobb, Flashbill & Co., (one of whose clerks, on board
the " Rose in June," had been very liberal in supplying our hero
with brandy on the night of his ducking,) looked over a large
quantity of ducks and other goods, and finally made purchase of
" a choice assortment," to be delivered the same day.  His next
visit was to Mr. Bluff, the managing partner in the bankinghouse where he usually kept his cash. His business now was to
request permission to overdraw a hundred pounds for a few
days.
" Humph," said Mr. Bluff, " money is very scarce; but-Bless me!-yes
-it's he! Excuse me a minute, Mr. Snook, there's a gentleman at the
front counter whom I want particularly to speak to-I'll be back with you
directly." As he uttered these words, he rushed out, and, in passing one
of the clerks on his way forward, he whispered, " Tell Scribe to look at
Snook's account, and let me know directly." He, then, went to the front
counter, where several people were waiting to pay and receive money.
" Fine weather this, Mr. Butt. What! you're not out of town like the rest
of them?"
" No," replied Mr. Butt, who kept a thriving gin-shop, " no, I sticks to
my business-make hay while the sun shines-that's my maxim. Wife up
at night-I up early in the morning."
The banker chatted and listened with great apparent interest, till the
closing of a huge book on which he kept his eye, told him that his whispered
order had been attended to. He then took a gracious leave of Mr. Butt,
and returned back to the counting-house with a slip of paper, adroitly put in
his hand while passing, on which was written, " Peter Snook, Linen Draper,
Bishopgate Street-old account-increasing gradually-balance: ~ 153 15s.
6d.-very regular."  " Sorry to keep you waiting, Mr. Snook," said he, ' but
VOL. IV.-26





402     MAGAZINE-WR ITING-PETER SNOOK.


we must catch people when we can. Well, what is it you were saying you
wanted us to do?"
" I should like to be able to overdraw just for a few days," replied Peter.
"How much?"
" A hundred."
"Won't fifty do?"
' No, not quite, sir."
" Well, you're an honest fellow, and don't come bothering us often; so, I
suppose we must not be too particular with you for this once."
Leaving Bluff, Mr. Snook hurries to overtake Mr. Butt, the
dealer in spirits, who had just left the banking-house before
himself, and to give that gentleman an order for a hogshead of
the best gin. As he is personally unknown to Mr. Butt, he hands
him a card, on which is written, " Peter Snook, linen and muslin
ware house, No.-, Bishopgate Street within," &c., &c., and
takes occasion to mention that he purchases at the recommendation of Mr. Bluff. The gin is to be at Queenhithe the same evening. The spirit-dealer, as soon as his new customer has taken
leave, revolves in his mind the oddity of a linen draper's buying
a hogshead of gin, and determines to satisfy himself of Mr.
Snook's responsibility by a personal application to Mr. Bluff.
On reaching the bank, however, he is told by the clerks that
Mr. Bluff, being in attendance upon a committee of the House
of Commons, will not be home in any reasonable time-but also
that Peter Snook is a perfectly safe man. The gin is accordingly sent; and several other large orders for different goods, upon
other houses, are promptly fulfilled in the same manner. Meantime, Ephraim is busily engaged at home in receiving and
inspecting the invoices of the various purchases as they arrive,
at which employment he is occupied until dusk, when his master
makes his appearance in unusually high spirits. We must here
be pardoned for copying some passages:
" Well, Ephraim," he exclaimed, " this looks something like business.
You havn't had such a job this many a day! Shop looks well now, eh?"
" You know best, sir," replied Hobson. " But hang me if I an't frightened. When we shall sell all these goods. I'm sure I can't think. You talked
of having a haberdashery side to the shop; but if we go on at this rate, we
shall want another side for ourselves; I'm sure I don't know where HIiss
BUdkin is to be put."





MAGAZINE-WRITING-PETER SNOOK.


403


'0 She go to Jericho!" said Peter contemptuously. " As for the goods,
my boy, they'll be gone before to-morrow morning. All you and I have got
to do, is to pack 'em up; so, let us turn to, and strap at it."
Packing was Ephraim's favorite employment, but, on the present occasion,
he set to work with a heavy heart. His master, on the contrary, appeared
full of life and spirits, and corded boxes, sewed up trusses, and packed huge
paper parcels with a celerity and an adroitness truly wonderful.
"t Why, you don't get on, Hobson," he exclaimed; " see what I've done!
Where's the ink-pot?--oh, here it is!" and he proceeded to mark his packagos
with his initials, and the letter G below. " There," he resumed, " P. S. G. -
that's for me, at Gravesend. I'm to meet the Captain and owner there;
show the goods-if there's any he don't like, shall bring 'em back with me;
get bills-bankers' acceptances for the rest; see 'em safe on board; thenbut not before, mind that, Master Ephraim! No, no, keep my weather eye
open, as the men say on board the ' Rose in June."  By-the-bye, I havn't
told you yet about my falling overboard. whap into the river."
" Falling overboard!" exclaimed the astonished shopman, quitting his
occupation to stand erect and listen.
" Ay, ay," continued Peter-" see it won't do to tell you long stories now.
There-mark that truss, will you I Know all about it some day. Lucky
job, though-tell you that: got this thundering order by it.  Had one
tumble, first, going off, at Margate. Spoilt my peagreen-never mindthat was a lucky tumble, too. Hadn't been for that, shouldn't so soon have
found out the game a certain person was playing with me. She go to
Jericho!"
But for the frequent repetition of this favorite expression, Ephraim Hobson has since declared he should have doubted his master's identity during
the whole of that evening, as there was something very singular about him:
and his strength and activity in moving the bales, boxes, and trusses, were
such as he had never previously exhibited. The phrase condemning this,
that, or the other thing or person to " go to Jericho," was the only expression that he uttered, as the shopman said, "' naturally," and Peter repeated
that whimsical anathema as often as usual.
The goods being all packed up, carts arrive to carry them
away; and, by half-past ten o'clock, the shop is entirely cleared,
with the exception of some trifling articles, to make show on the
shelves and counters.   Two hackney coaches are called.       Mr.
Peter Snook gets into one with a variety of loose articles, which
would require too much time to pack, and his shopman into
another with some more.     Arriving at Queenhithe, they find all
the goods previously sent, already embarked in the hold of a longdecked barge, which lies near the shore.   Mr. Snook now insists
upon Ephraim's going on board, and taking supper and some hot





404       MAGAZINE-WRITING-PETER SNOOK.


rum and water. This advice he follows to so gooa purpose, that
he is, at length, completely bewildered, when his master, taking
him up in his arms, carries him on shore, and there, setting him
down, leaves him to make the best of his way home as he can.
About eight, the next morning, Ephraim, awaking, of course,
in a sad condition, both of body and mind, sets himself immediately about arranging the appearance of the shop, " so as to
secure the credit of the concern." In spite of all his ingenuity,
however, it maintains a poverty-stricken appearance,-which
circumstance excites some most unreasonable suspicions in the
mind of Mr. Bluff's clerk, upon his calling at ten, with Pester
&  Co.'s bill, (three hundred and sixteen pounds, seventeen
shillings,) and receiving, by way of payment, a check upon his
own banking house for the amount-Mr. Snook having written
this check before his departure with the goods, and left it with
Ephraim. On reaching the bank, therefore, the clerk inquires
if Peter Snook's check is good for three hundred and sixteen
pounds odd, and is told that it is not worth a farthing, Mr. S.
having overdrawn for a hundred. While Mr. Bluff and his assistants are conversing on this subject, Butt, the gin-dealer, calls
to thank the banker for having recommended him a customerwhich the banker denies having done. An explanation ensues,
and " stop thief!" is the cry. Ephraim is sent for, and reluctantly made to tell all he knows of his master's proceedings on the
day before-by which means a knowledge is obtained of the
other houses, who (it is supposed) have been swindled. Getting
a description of the barge which conveyed the goods from Queenhithe, the whole party of the creditors now set off in pursuit.
About dawn, the next morning, they overtake the barge, a
little below Gravesend-when four men are observed leaving
her, and rowing to the shore in a skiff. Peter Snook is found
sitting quietly in the cabin, and, although apparently a little
surprised at seeing Mr. Pester, betrays nothing like embarrassment or fear.
"Ah, Mr. Pester! is it you? Glad to see you, sir! So you've been
taking a trip out o' town, and are going back with us? We shall get to
Billingsgate between eight and nine, they say; and I hope it won't be later
as I've a bill of yours comes due to-day, and I want to be at home in time to
write a check for it."





MAGAZINE-WRITING-PETER SNOOK.


405


The goods are also found on board, together with three men in
the hold, gagged and tied hand and foot. They give a strange
account of themselves. Being in the employ of Mr. Heaviside,
a lighterman, they were put in charge of "The Flitter," when
she was hired by Peter Snook, for a trip to Gravesend. According to their orders, they took the barge, in the first instance, to a
wharf, near Queenhithe, and helped to load her with some goods
brought down in carts. Mr. Snook, afterwards, came on board,
bringing with him two fierce looking men, and " a little man with
a hooked nose." (Ephraim.) Mr. S. and the little man, then,
"had a sort of jollification" in the cabin, till the latter got drunk
and was carried ashore. They then proceeded down the river,
nothing particular occurring till they had passed Greenwich
Hospital, when Mr. S. ordered them to lay the barge alongside a
large black-sided ship. No sooner was the order obeyed than
they were boarded by a number of men from said ship, who
seized them, bound them, gagged them and put them      in the
hold.
The immediate consequence of this information is, that Peter
is bound, gagged, and put down into the hold in the same manner, by way of retaliation, and for safe keeping on his way back
to the city. On the arrival of the party, a meeting of the creditors is called. Peter appears before them in a great rage, and
with the air of an injured man. Indeed, his behavior is so mal
a propos to his situation as entirely to puzzle his interrogators.
He accuses the whole party of a conspiracy.
" Peter Snook," said Mr. Pester solemnly, from the chair, " that look does
not become you after what has passed. Let me advise you to conduct yourself with propriety. You will find that the best policy, depend on't."
"A pretty thing for you, for to come to talk of propriety!" exclaimed
Peter; "' you, that seed me laid hold on by a set of ruffians, and never said
a word, nor given information a'terwards! And here have I been kept away
from business I don't know how long, and shut up like a dog in a kennel;
but I look upon't you were at the bottom of it all-you and that fellow with
the plum-pudding face, as blowed me up about a cask of gin! What you
both mean by it, I can't think; but if there's any law in the land, I'll make
you remember it, both of you-that's what I will!"
Mr. Snook swears that he never saw Jobb in his life, except





406     MAGAZINE-WRITING-PETER SNOOK.


on the occasion of his capture in " The Flitter," and positively
denies having looked out any parcel of goods at the house of
Jobb, Flashbill & Co. With the banker, Mr. Bluff, he acknowledges an acquaintance-but not having drawn for the two hundred and seventy pounds odd, or having ever overdrawn for a
shilling in his life. Moreover, he is clearly of opinion that the
banker has still in his hands more than a hundred and fifty
pounds of his (Mr. Snook's) money.    He can designate several
gentlemen as being no creditors of his, although they were of the
number of those from whom his purchases had been made for
the " whacking" shipping out, and although their goods were
found in " The Flitter."  Ephraim is summoned, and testifies to
all the particulars of his master's return, and the subsequent
packing, cart-loading, and embarkation as already told-accounting for the extravagances of Mr. Snook as being "all along of
that Miss Bodkin."
"Lor', master, hi's glad to see you agin," exclaimed Ephraim. "Who'd
ha' thought as 'twould come to this?"
"Come to what?" cried Peter. ' I'll make 'em repent of it, every man
Jack of em, before I've done, if there's law to be had for love or money!"
" Ah. sir," said Ephraim, " we'd better have stuck to the retail. I was
afraid that shipping consarn wouldn't answer, and tell'd you so, if you recollect, but you wouldn't harken to me."
"What shipping concern?" inquired Peter, with a look of amazement.
" La! master," exclaimed Ephraim, " it aint of any use to pretend to keep
it a secret now, when everybody knows it. I didn't tell Mr. Pester, though,
till the last, when all the goods was gone out of the shop, and the sheriff's
officers had come to take possession of the house."
" Sheriff's officers in possession of my house!" roared Peter. "All the
goods gone out of the shop! What do you mean by that, you rascal
What have you been doing in my absence." And he sprang forward furiously, and seized the trembling shopman by the collar with a degree of violence which rendered it difficult for the two officers in attendance to disengage him from his hold.
Hereupon, Mr. Snap, the attorney retained by the creditors,
harangues the company at some length, and intimates that Mr.
Snook is either mad or acting the madman for the purpose of
evading punishment. A practitioner from    Bedlam is sent for,
and some artifices resorted to-but to no purpose. It is found





MAGAZINE-WRITING-PETER SNOOK.


407


impossible to decide upon the question of sanity. The medical
gentleman, in his report to the creditors, confesses himself utterly
perplexed, and, without giving a decision, details the particulars
of a singular story told him by Mr. Snook himself, concerning
the mode of his escape from drowning after he fell overboard
from the " Rose in June."  "It is a strange, unlikely tale to be
sure," says the physician, " and if his general conversation was
of that wild, imaginative, flighty kind which I have so often witnessed, I should say it was purely ideal; but he appears such a
plain-spoken, simple sort of a person, that it is difficult to conceive how he could invent such a fiction."  Mr. Snook's narration is then told, not in his very words, but in the author's own
way, with all the particulars obtained from Peter's various recitations. We give it only in brief.
Upon tumbling overboard, Mr. Snook (at least according to
his own story) swam courageously as long as he could. He was
upon the point of sinking, however, when an oar was thrust under
his arm, and he found himself lifted in a boat by a " dozen darklooking men."  He is taken on board a large ship, and the captain, who is a droll genius, and talks in rhyme somewhat after
the fashion of the wondrous Tale of Alroy, entertains him with
great cordiality, dresses him in a suit of his own clothes, makes
him drink in the first place, a brimmer of "something hot," and
afterwards plies him with wines and cordials of all kinds, at a
supper of the most magnificent description. Warmed in body
and mind by this excellent cheer, Peter reveals his inmost secrets
to his host, and talks freely and minutely of a thousand things;
of his man Ephraim and his oddities; of his bank account; of his
great credit; of his adventures with Miss Bodkin; of his prospects in trade; and especially of the names, residences, etc. etc.,
of the wholesale houses with whom he is in the habit of dealing.
Presently, being somewhat overcome with wine, he goes to bed
at the suggestion of the captain, who promises to call him in season for a boat in the morning, which will convey him to Billingsgate in full time fcr Pester and Co.'s note. How long he slept is
uncertain-but when he awoke a great change was observable in
the captain's manner, who was somewhat brusque, and handed
him over the ship's side into the barge where lie was discovered





t08       MAGAZINE-WRITING-PETER SNOOK.
by the creditors in pursuit, and which he was assured would coni
vey him to Billingsgate.
This relation, thus succinctly given by us, implies little or
nothing. The result, however, to which the reader is ingeniously led by the author, is, that the real Peter Snook has been
duped, and that the Peter Snook who made the various purchases
about town, and who appeared to Ephraim only during the morning and evening twilight of the eventful day, was, in fact, no
other person than the captain of" the strange, black-sided ship."
We are to believe that, taking advantage of Peter's communicativeness, and a certain degree of personal resemblance to himself, he assumed our hero's clothes while he slept, and made a
bold and nearly successful attempt at wholesale peculation.
The incidents of this story are forcibly conceived, and even in
the hands of an ordinary writer would scarcely fail of effect.
But, in the present instance, so unusual a tact is developed in
the narration, that we are inclined to rank "Peter Snook" among
the few tales which (each in its own way) are absolutely faultless. It is a Flemish home-piece of the highest order-its merits
lying in its chiaro 'scuro-in that blending of light and shade and
shadow, where iothing is too distinct, yet where the idea is fully
conveyed-in the absence of all rigid outlines and all miniature
painting-in the not undue warmth of the coloring-and in a
well subdued exaggeration at all points-an exaggeration never
amounting to caricature.





FHE QUACKS OF HELICON-A SATIRE.*
[ SATIRE, professedly such, at the present day, and especially
b) a; American writer, is a welcome novelty, indeed. We have
rerply done very little in the line upon this side of the Atlanticnothing, certainly, of importance-Trumbull's clumsy poem and
Halleck's " Croakers" to the contrary notwithstanding. Some
things we have produced, to be sure, which were excellent in
the way of burlejque, without intending a syllable that was not
utterly solemn and serious. Odes, ballads, songs, sonnets, epics,
and epigrams, possusied of this unintentional excellence, we could
have no difficulty in designating by the dozen; but in the matter
of directly-meant and genuine satire, it cannot be denied that we
are sadly deficient. Although, as a literary people, however, we
are not exactly Archilocuses- although we have no pretensions
to the X7vrEV S  ir  /3oi-althogh, in short, we are no satirists
ourselves, there can be no quesditn that we answer sufficiently
well as subjects for satire.
We repeat, that we are glad te e<R this book of Mr. Wilmer's;
first, because it is something new u~her the sun; secondly, because, in many respects, it is well executed; and thirdly, because,
in the universal corruption and rigmarole amid which we gasp
for breath, it is really a pleasant thing to get even one accidental
whiff of the unadulterated air of truth.
The " Quacks of Helicon," as a poem and otherwise, has many
defects, and these we shall have no scruple in pointing outalthough Mr. Wilmer is a personal friend of our own, and we
are happy and proud to say so-but it has also many remarkable
* By L. A. Wilmer.





410       THE QUACKS OF HELJCON-A SATIRE.
merits-merits which it will be quite useless for those aggrieved
by the satire-quite useless for any clique, or set of cliques, to
attempt to frown down, or to affect not to see, or to feel, or to
understand.
Its prevalent blemishes are referrible chiefly to the leading
sin of imitation. Had the work been composed professedly in
paraphrase of the whole manner of the sarcastic epistles of the
times of Dryden and Pope, we should have pronounced it the
most ingenious and truthful thing of the kind upon record. So
close is the copy, that it extends to the most trivial points-fbr
example, to the old forms of punctuation. The turns of phraseology, the tricks of rhythm, the arrangement of the paragraphs,
the general conduct of the satire-everything--all--are Dryden's.
We cannot deny, it is true, that the satiric model of the days in
question is insusceptible of improvement, and that the modern
author who deviates therefrom, must necessarily sacrifice something of merit at the shrine of originality. Neither can we shut
our eyes to the fact, that the imitation, in the present case, has
conveyed, in full spirit, the higher qualities, as well as, in rigid
letter, the minor elegances and general peculiarities of the author
of " Absalom and Achitophel."  We have here the bold, vigorous, and sonorous verse, the biting sarcasm, the pungent epigrammatism, the unscrupulous directness, as of old. Yet it will
not do to forget that Mr. Wilmer has been shown how to accomplish these things. He is thus only entitled to the praise of a
close observer, and of a thoughtful and skilful copyist. The images are, to be sure, his own. They are neither Pope's, nor
Dryden's, nor Rochester's, nor Churchill's-but they are moulded
in the identical mould used by these satirists.
This servility of imitation has seduced our author into errors,
which his better sense should have avoided. He sometimes mistakes intentions; at other times, he copies faults, confounding them
with beauties. In the opening of the poem, for example, we find
the linesAgainst usurpers, Obley, I declare
A righteous, just, and patriotic war.
The rhymes war and declare are here adopted from Pope, who





THE QUACKS OF HELICON-A SATIRE.


411


employs them frequently; but it should have been remembered
that the modern relative pronunciation of the two words differs
materially from the relative pronunciation of the era of the
"Dunciad."
We are also sure that the gross obscenity, the filth-we can
use no gentler name-which disgraces the " Quacks of Helicon,"
cannot be the result of innate impurity in the mind of the writer.
It is but a part of the slavish and indiscriminating imitation of
the Swift and Rochester school. It has done the book an irreparable injury, both in a moral and pecuniary view, without
effecting anything whatever on the score of sarcasm, vigor or wit.
" Let what is to be said, be said plainly." True; but let nothing
vulgar be ever said, or conceived.
In asserting that this satire, even in its mannerism, has imbued
itself with the full spirit of the polish and of the pungency of
Dryden, we have already awarded it high praise. But there
remains to be mentioned the far loftier merit of speaking fearlessly the truth, at an epoch when truth is out of fashion, and
under circumstances of social position, which would have deterred
almost any man in our community from a similar Quixotism.
For the publication of the " Quacks of Helicon,"-a poem which
brings under review, by name, most of our prominent literati, and
treats them, generally, as they deserve, (what treatment could
be more bitter?)-for the publication of this attack, Mr. Wilmer, whose subsistence lies in his pen, has little to look forapart from the silent respect of those at once honest and timidbut the most malignant open or covert persecution. For this
reason, and because it is the truth which he has spoken, do we
say to him, from the bottom of our hearts, " God speed!"
We repeat it:-it is the truth which he has spoken; and who
shall contradict us?  He has said unscrupulously what every
reasonable man among us has long known to be "as true as the
Pentateuch "-that, as a literary people, we are one vast perambulating humbug. He has asserted that we are clique-ridden;
and who does not smile at the obvious truism of that assertion?
He maintains that chicanery is, with us, a far surer road than
talent to distinction in letters. Who gainsays this? The corrupt
nature of our ordinary criticism has become notorious.  Its





412       THE QUACKS OF HELICON-A SATIRE.
powers have been prostrated by its own arm. The intercourse
between critic and publisher, as it now almost universally stands,
is comprised either in the paying and pocketing of black mail,
as the price of a simple forbearance, or in a direct system of petty
and contemptible bribery, properly so called-a system even
more injurious than the former to the true interests of the public,
and more degrading to the buyers and sellers of good opinion, on
account of the more positive character of the service here rendered for the consideration received. We laugh at the idea of any
denial of our assertions upon this topic; they are infamously true.
In the charge of general corruption, there are undoubtedly many
noble exceptions to be made. There are, indeed, some very few
editors, who, maintaining an entire independence, will receive no
books from publishers at all, or who receive them with a perfect
understanding, on the part of these latter, that an unbiassed
critique will be given. But these cases are insufficient to have
much effect on the popular mistrust: a mistrust heightened by
late exposure of the machinations of coteries in New Yorkcoteries which, at the bidding of leading booksellers, manufacture,
as required from time to time, a pseudo-public opinion by wholesale, for the benefit of any little hanger on of the party, or pettifogging protector of the firm.
We speak of these things in the bitterness of scorn. It is unnecessary to cite instances, where one is found in almost every
issue of a book. It is needless to call to mind the desperate case
of Fay-a case where the pertinacity of the effort to gull-where
the obviousness of the attempt at forestalling a judgment-where
the wofully over-done be-Mirrorment of that man-of-straw, together with the pitiable platitude of his production, proved a dose
somewhat too potent for even the well-prepared stomach of the
mob. We say it is supererogatory to dwell upon "Norman
Leslie," or other by-gone follies, when we have, before our eyes,
hourly instances of the machinations in question. To so great
an extent of m thodical assurance has the system of puffery
arrived, that publishers, of late, have made no scruple of keeping
on hand an assortment of commendatory notices, prepared by
their men of all work, and of sending these notices around to the
multitudinous papers within their influence, done up within the





THE QUACKS OF HELICON-A SATIRE.


413


fly-leaves of the book. the grossness of these base attempts,
however, has not escaped indignant rebuke from the more honorable portion of the press; and Ne hail these symptoms of
restiveness under the yoke of unprincipled ignorance and
quackery (strong only in combination) as the harbinger of a
better era for the interests of real merit, and of the national
literature as a whole.
It has become, indeed, the plain duty of each individual
connected with our periodicals, heartily to give whatever influence he possesses, to the good cause of integrity and the truth.
The results thus attainable will be found worthy his closest
attention and best efforts. We shall, thus, frown down all
conspiracies to foist inanity upon the public consideration at the
obvious expense of every man of talent who is not a member of
a clique in power. We may even arrive, in time, at that
desirable point from which a distinct view of our men of letters
may be obtained, and their respective pretensions adjusted, by
the standard of a rigorous and self-sustaining criticism alone.
That their several positions are as yet properly settled; that the
posts which a vast number of them now hold are maintained by
any better tenure than that of the chicanery upon which we have
commented, will be asserted by none but the ignorant, or the
parties who have best right to feel an interest in the "good old
condition of things." No two matters can be more radically different than the reputation of some of our prominent litterateurs,
a& gathered from the mouths of the people, (who glean it from
the paragraphs of the papers,) and the same reputation as deduced
from the private estimate of intelligent and educated men. We
do not advance this fact as a new discovery. Its truth, on the
contrary, is the subject, and has long been so, of every-day
witticism and mirth.
Why not?   Surely there can be few things more ridiculous
than the general character and assumptions of the ordinary critical notices of new books! An editor, sometimes without the
shadow of the commonest attainment-often without brains,
always without time-does not scruple to give the world to understand that he is in the daily habit of critically reading and
deciding upon a flood of publications, one tenth (f whose title.





414       THE QUACKS OF HELICON-A SATIRE.
pages he may possibly have turned over, three fourths of whose
contents would be Hebrew to his most desperate efforts at comprehension, and whose entire mass and amount, as might be
mathematically demonstrated, would be sufficient to occupy, in
the most cursory perusal, the attention of some ten or twenty
readers for a month! What he wants in plausibility, however,
he makes up in obsequiousness; what he lacks in time he supplies
in temper. He is the most easily pleased man in the world. He
admires everything, from the big Dictionary of Noah Webster to
the last diamond edition of Tom Thumb. Indeed, his sole difficulty is in finding tongue to express his delight. Every pamphlet
is a miracle-every book in boards is an epoch in letters. His
phrases, therefore, get bigger and bigger every day, and, if it
were not for talking Cockney, we might call him a "regular
swell."
Yet, in the attempt at getting definite information in regard to
any one portion of our literature, the merely general reader, or
the foreigner, will turn in vain from the lighter to the heavier
journals. But it is not our intention here to dwell upon the radical, antique, and systematized rigmarole of our Quarterlies.
The articles here are anonymous. Who writes?-who causes
to be written?  Who but an ass will put faith in tirades which
may be the result of personal hostility, or in panegyrics which
nine times out of ten may be laid, directly or indirectly, to the
charge of the author himself?  It is in the favor of these saturnine pamphlets that they contain, now and then, a good essay
de omnibus rebus et quibusdam aliis, which may be looked into,
without decided somnolent consequences, at any period, not immediatly subsequent to dinner. But it is useless to expect criticism from periodicals called " Reviews " from never reviewing.
Besides, all men know, or should know, that these books are sadly
given to verbiage. It is a part of their nature, a condition of
their being, a point of their faith. A veteran reviewer loves the
safety of generalities, and is, therefore, rarely particular. " Words,
words, words," are the secret of his strength. He has one or
two ideas of his own, and is both wary and fussy in giving them
out. His wit lies with his truth, in a well, and there is always a
world of trouble in getting it up. He is a sworn enemy to all





THE QUACKS OF HELICON-A SATIRE.


415


things simple and direct. He gives no ear to the advice of the
giant Moulineau-" Belier, mon ami, commencez au commencement."  He either jumps at once into the middle of his subject,
or breaks in at a back door, or sidles up to it with the gait of crab.
No other mode of approach has an air of sufficient profundity.
When fairly into it, however, he becomes dazzled with the
scintillations of his own wisdom, and is seldom able to see his
way out. Tired of laughing at his antics, or frightened at seeing
him flounder, the reader, at length, shuts him up, with the book.
" What song the Syrens sang," says Sir Thomas Browne, ': or
what name Achilles assumed when he hid himself among women,
though puzzling questions, are not beyond all conjecture;"-but it
would puzzle Sir Thomas, backed by Achilles and all the Syrens
in Heathendom, to say, in nine cases out of ten, what is the object
of a thorough-going Quarterly Reviewer.
Should the opinions promulgated by our press at large be
taken, in their wonderful aggregate, as an evidence of what American literature absolutely is, (and it may be said that, in general, they are really so taken,) we shall find ourselves the most
enviable set of people upon the face of the earth. Our fine writers
are legion. Our very atmosphere is redolent of genius; and we, the
nation, are a huge, well-contented chameleon, grown pursy by
inhaling it. We are teretes et rotundi-enwrapped in excellence.
All our poets are Miltons, neither mute nor inglorious; all our
poetesses are "American Hemanses;" nor will it do to deny
that all our novelists are great Knowns or great Unknowns, and
that every body who writes, in every possible and impossible department, is the admirable Crichton,.or, at least, the admirable
Crichton's ghost. We are thus in a glorious condition, and will
remain so until forced to disgorge our ethereal honors. In truth,
there is some danger that the jealousy of the Old World will interfere. It cannot long submit to that outrageous monopoly of
"all the decency and all the talent" in which the gentlemen of
the press give such undoubted assurance of our being so busily
engaged.
But we feel angry with ourselves for the jesting tone of our
observations upon this topic. The prevalence of the spirit of puffery is a subject far less for merriment than for disgust. Its





416       THE QUACKS OF HELICON-A SATIRE.
truckling, yet dogmatical character-its bold, unsustained, yet
self-sufficient and wholesale laudation-is becoming, more and
more, an insult to the common sense of the community. Trivial as
it essentially is, it has, yet, been made the instrument of the giossest abuse in the elevation of imbecility, to the manifest injury, to
the utter ruin, of true merit. Is there any man of good feeling
and of ordinary understanding-is there one single individual
among all our readers-who does not feel a thrill of bitter indignation, apart from any sentiment of mirth, as he calls to mind
instance after instance of the purest, of the most unadulterated
quackery in letters, which has risen to a high post in the apparent popular estimation, and which still maintains it, by the sole
means of a blustering arrogance, or of a busy wriggling conceit,
or of the most barefaced plagiarism, or even through the simple
immensity of its assumptions-assumptions not only unopposed
by the press at large, but absolutely supported in proportion to
the vociferous clamor with which they are made-in exact accordance with their utter baselessness and untenability? We should
have no trouble in pointing out, to-day, some twenty or thirty
so-called literary personages, who, if not idiots, as we half think
them, or if not hardened to all sense of shame by a long course
of disingenuousness, will now blush, in the perusal of these words,
through consciousness of the shadowy nature of that purchased
pedestal upon which they stand-will now tremble in thinking of
the feebleness of the breath which will be adequate to the blowing it from beneath their feet. With the help of a hearty good
will, even we may yet tumble them down.
So firm, through a long endurance, has been the hold taken
upon the popular mind (at least so far as we may consider the
popular mind reflected in ephemeral letters) by the laudatory
system which we have deprecated, that what is, in its own
essence, a vice, has become endowed with the appearance, and
met with the reception of a virtue. Antiquity, as usual, has lent
a certain degree of speciousness even to the absurd. So continuously have we puffed, that we have, at length, come to think
puffing the duty, and plain speaking the dereliction. What we
began in gross error, we persist in through habit.  Having
adopted, in the earlier days of our literature, the untenable idea





THE QUACKS OF HELICOM-A SATIRE.


417


that this literature, as a whole, could be advanced by an indiscriminate approbation bestowed on its every effort-having adopted
this idea, we say, without attention to the obvious fact that praise
of all was bitter although negative censure to the few alone
deserving, and that the only result of the system, in the fostering
way, would be the fostering of folly-we now continue our vile
practices through the supineness of custom, even while, in our
national self-conceit, we repudiate that necessity for patronage
and protection in which originated our conduct. In a word, the
press, throughout the country, has not been ashamed to make head
against the very few bold attempts at independence which have,
from time to time, been made in the face of the reigning order
of things. And if, in one, or perhaps two, insulated cases, the
spirit of severe truth, sustained by an unconquerable will, was
not to be so put down, then, forthwith, were private chicaneries set
in motion; then was had resort, on the part of those who considered themselves injured by the severity of criticism, (and who
were so, if the just contempt of every ingenuous man is injury,)
resort to arts of the most virulent indignity, to untraceable slanders, to ruthless assassination in the dark. We say these things
were done, while the press in general looked on, and, with a full
understanding of the wrong perpetrated, spoke not against the
wrong. The idea had absolutely gone abroad-had grown up
little by little into toleration-that attacks however just, upon a
literary reputation however obtained, however untenable, were
well retaliated by the basest and most unfounded traduction of
personal fame. But is this an age-is this a day-in which it
can be necessary even to advert to such considerations as that
the book of the author is the property of the public, and that the
issue of the book is the throwing down of the gauntlet to the
reviewer-to the reviewer whose duty is the plainest; the duty
not even of approbation, or of censure, or of silence, at his own
will, but at the sway of those sentiments and of those opinions
which are derived from the author himself, through the medium
of his written and published words? True criticism is the reflection of the thing criticized upon the spirit of the critic.
But i nos moutons-to the " Quacks of Helicon."  This satire
has many faults besides those upon which we have commented.
VOL. IV.-27





418       THE QUACKS OF HELICON-A SATIRE.
The title, for example, is not sufficiently distinctive, although
otherwise good. It does not confine the subject to American
quacks, while the work does. The two concluding lines enfeeble
instead of strengthening the finale, which would have been
exceedingly pungent without them. The individual portions of
the thesis are strung together too much at random-a natural
sequence is not always preserved-so, that although the lights of
the picture are often forcible, the whole has what, in artistical
parlance, is termed an accidental and spotty appearance.  In
truth, the parts of the poem have evidently been composed each
by each, as separate themes, and afterwards fitted into the
general satire, in the best manner possible.
But a more reprehensible sin than any or than all of these is
yet to be mentioned-the sin of indiscriminate censure. Even
here Mr. Wilmer has erred through imitation. He has held in
view the sweeping denunciations of the Dunciad, and of the later
(abortive) satire of Byron. No one in his senses can deny the
justice of the general charges of corruption in regard to which
we have just spoken from the text of our author. But are there
no exceptions? We should, indeed, blush if there were not.
And is there no hope? Time will show. We cannot do everything in a day-Non se gano Zamora en un ora. Again, it cannot
be gainsaid that the greater number of those who hold high
places in our poetical literature are absolute nincompoopsfellows alike innocent of reason and of rhyme. But neither are
we all brainless, nor is the devil himself so black as he is painted
Mr. Wilmer must read the chapter in Rabelais' Gargantua, " de
ce qu'est signifie par les couleurs blanc et bleu,"-for there is some
difference after all. It will not do in a civilized land to run
a-muck like a Malay. Mr. Morris has written good songs. Mr.
Bryant is not all a fool. Mr. Willis is not quite an ass. Mr.
Longfellow will steal, but, perhaps, he cannot help it, (for we
have heard of such things,) and then it must not be denied that
nil tetigit quod non ornavit.
The fact is that our author, in the rank exuberance of his zeal,
seems to think as little of discrimination as the Bishop of Autun *


* Talleyrand.





THE QUACKS OF HELICON-A SATIRE.             4t9
did of the Bible. Poetical " things in general " are the windmills
at which he spurs his Rozinante. He as often tilts at what is
true as at what is false; and thus his lines are like the mirrors of
the temples of Smyrna, which represent the fairest images as
deformed. But the talent, the fearlessness, and especially the
design of this book, will suffice to preserve it from that dreadful
damnation of " silent contempt," to which editors, throughout the
country, if we are not much mistaken, will cjdevior, one and all,
to consign it.





AS '1'U liIA.*
MIR. IRVING's acquaintance at Montreal, many years since,
with some of the principal partners of the great North-West Fur
Company, was the means of interesting him deeply in the varied
concerns of trappers, hunters, and Indians, and in all the adventurous details connected with the commerce in peltries.  Not
long after his return from his late tour to the prairies, he held a
conversation with his friend, Mr. John Jacob Astor, of New
York, in relation to an enterprise set on foot, and conducted by
that gentleman, about the year 1812,-an enterprise having for
its object a participation, on the most extensive scale, in the fur
trade carried on with the Indians in all the western and northwestern regions of North America. Finding Mr. I. fully alive
to the exciting interest of this subject, Mr. Astor was induced to
express a regret that the true nature and extent of the enterprise,
together with its great national character and importance, had
never been generally comprehended; and a wish that Mr. Irving
would undertake to give an account of it. To this he consented.
All the papers relative to the matter were submitted to his inspection; and the volumes now before us (two well-sized octavos)
are the result. The work has been accomplished in a masterly
manner-the modesty of the title affording no indication of the
fulness, comprehensiveness, and beauty, with which a long and
entangled series of detail, collected necessarily from a mass of
* "Astoria; or, Anecdotes of an Enterprize beyond the Rocky Mountains."
By Wasbington Irving.-[Fi'rom the Southern Literary Messenger for 18-.]





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vague and imperfect data, has been wrought into completeness and
unity.
Supposing our readers acquainted with the main features of
the original fur trade in America, we shall not follow Mr. Irving
in his vivid account of the primitive French Canadian Merchant,
his jovial establishments and dependants-of the licensed traders,
missionaries, voyageurs, and coureurs des bois-of the British
Canadian Fur Merchant-of the rise of the great Company of
the " North-West," its constitution and internal trade, its parliamentary hall and banqueting room, its boating, its huntings,
its wassailings, and other magnificent feudal doings in the wilderness. It was the British Mackinaw Company we presume,(a Company established in rivalry of the "North-West,") the scene
of whose main operations first aroused the attention of our government. Its chief factory was established at Michilimackinac, and
sent forth its perogues, by Green Bay, Fox River, and the Wisconsin, to the Mississippi, and thence to all its tributary streams
-in this way, hoping to monopolize the trade with all the Indian
tribes on the southern and western waters of our own territory,
as the " North-West" had monopolized it along the waters of the
North. Of course, we now began to view with a jealous eye,
and to make exertions for counteracting the influence hourly
acquired over our own aborigines by these immense combinations
of foreigners. In 1796, the United States sent out agents to
establish rival trading houses on the frontier, and thus, by supplying the wants of the Indians, to link their interests with ours, and
to divert the trade, if possible, into national channels. The
enterprise failed-being, we suppose, inefficiently conducted and
supported; and the design was never afterwards attempted until
by the individual means and energy of Mr. Astor.
John Jacob Astor was born in Waldorf, a German village,
near Heidelberg, on the banks of the Rhine. While yet a youth,
he foresaw that he would arrive at great wealth, and, leaving
home, took his way, alone, to London, where he found himself at
the close of the American Revolution. An elder brother being
in the United States, he followed him there. In January, 1784,
he arrived in Hampton Roads, with some little merchandise
suited to the American market. On the passage, lie had bccome





422


ASTORTA.


acquainted with a countryman of his, a furrier, from whom he
derived much information in regard to furs, and the manner of
conducting the trade. Subsequently, he accompanied this gentle.,
man to New York, and, by his advice, invested the proceeds of
his merchandise in peltries. With these, he sailed to London,
and, having disposed of his adventure advantageously, he returned the same year (1784) to New York, with a view of
settling in the United States, and prosecuting the business thus
commenced. Mr. Astor's beginnings in this way were necessarily
small-but his perseverance was indomitable, his integrity unimpeachable, and his economy of the most rigid kind.  "To
these," says Mr. Irving, " were added an aspiring spirit, that always looked upward; a genius bold, fertile, and expansive; a
sagacity quick to grasp and convert every circumstance to its
advantage, and a singular and never wavering confidence of
signal success." These opinions are more than re-echoed by the
whole crowd of Mr. Astor's numerous acquaintances and friends,
and are most strongly insisted upon by those who have the
pleasure of knowing him best.
In the United States, the fur trade was not yet sufficiently organized to form a regular line of business. Mr. A. made annual
visits to Montreal for the purpose of buying peltries; and, as no
direct trade was permitted from Canada to any country but
England, he shipped them, when bought, immediately to London.
This difficulty being removed, however, by the treaty of 1795,
he made a contract for furs with the North-West Company, and
imported them from Montreal into the United States-thence,
shipping a portion to different parts of Europe, as well as to the
principal market in China.
By the treaty just spoken of, the British possessions on our
side of the Lakes were given up, and an opening made for the
American fur-trader on the confines of Canada, and within the
territories of the United States. Here, Mr. Astor, about the
year 1807, adventured largely on his own account; his increased
capital now placing him among the chief of American merchants.
The influence of the Mackinaw Company, however, proved too
much for him, and he was induced to consider the means of
entering into successful competition. He was aware of the wish





ASTORIA.


423


of the Government to concentrate the fur-trade within its boundaries in the hands of its own citizens; and he now offered, if
national aid or protection should be afforded, "to turn the whole
of the trade into American channels."  He was invited to unfold
his plans, and they were warmly approved, but, we believe, little
more. The countenance of the Government was, nevertheless,
of much importance, and, in 1809, he procured, from the legislature of New York, a charter, incorporating a company, under
the name of the " American Fur Company," with a capital of
one million of dollars, and the privilege of increasing it to two.
He himself constituted the Company, and furnished the capital.
The board of directors was merely nominal, and the whole
business was conducted with his own resources, and according to
his own will.
We here pass over Mr. Irving's lucid, although brief account
of the fur-trade in the Pacific, of Russian and American enterprise on the North-western coast, and of the discovery by Captain
Gray, in 1792, of the mouth of the river Columbia. He proceeds
to speak of Captain Jonathan Carver, of the British provincial
army. In 1763, shortly after the acquisition of the Canadas by
Great Britain, this gentleman projected a journey across the
continent, between the forty-third and forty-sixth degrees of
northern latitude, to the shores of the Pacific. His objects were
" to ascertain the breadth of the continent at its broadest part,
and to determine on some place on the shores of the Pacific,
where Government might establish a post to facilitate the discovery of a North-west passage, or a communication between
Hudson's Bay and the Pacific Ocean." He failed twice in individual attempts to accomplish this journey. In 1774, Richard
Whitworth, a member of Parliament, came into this scheme of
Captain Carver's. These two gentlemen determined to take
with them fifty or sixty men, artificers and mariners, to proceed
up one of the branches of the Missouri, find the source of the
Oregon, (the Columbia,) and sail down the river to its mouth.
Here, a fort was to be erected, and the vessels built necessary to
carry into execution their purposed discoveries by sea. The
British Government sanctioned the plan, and everything was





424


ASTORIA.


ready for the undertaking, when the American Revolution prevented it.
The expedition of Sir Alexander Mackenzie is well known.
In 1793, he crossed the continent, and reached the Pacific Ocean
in latitude 52~ 20' 48". In latitude 520 30', he partially descended a river flowing to the South, and which he erroneously supposed to be the Columbia. Some years afterwards, he published
an account of his journey, and suggested the policy of opening
an intercourse between the Atlantic and Pacific Oceans, and
forming regular establishments " through the interior and at both
extremes, as well as along the coasts and islands."  Thus, he
thought the entire command of the fur trade of North America
might be obtained from latitude 480 north to the pole, excepting
that portion held by the Russians. As to the " American adventurers " along the coast, he spoke of them as entitled to but
little consideration. "They would instantly disappear," he said,
"before a well regulated trade." Owing to the jealousy existing
between the Hudson's Bay and North-west Company, this idea
of Sir Alexander Mackenzie's was never carried into execution.
The successful attempt of Messieurs Lewis and Clarke was
accomplished, it will be remembered, in 1804. Their course was
that proposed by Captain Carver in 1774. They passed up the
Missouri to its head waters, crossed the Rocky Mountains,
discovered the source of the Columbia, and followed that river
down to its mouth. Here they spent the winter, and retraced
their steps in the spring. Their reports declared it practicable
to establish a line of communication across the continent, and
first inspired Mr. Astor with the design of "grasping with his
individual hands this great enterprise, which, for years, had been
dubiously, yet desirously contemplated by powerful associations
and maternal governments."
His scheme was gradually matured. Its main features were
as follows. A line of trading posts was to be established along
the Missouri and Columbia, to the mouth of the latter, where
was to be founded the chief mart. On all the tributary streams
throughout this immense route were to be situated inferior posts
trading directly with the Indians for their peltries. All these
posts would draw upon the mart at the Columbia for their





ASTORIA.


425


supplies of goods, and would send thither the furs collected. At
this latter place also, were to be built and fitted out coasting yesself, for the purpose of trading along the North-west coast, returning with the proceeds of their voyages to the same general
rendezvous. In this manner, the whole Indian trade, both of the
coast and the interior, would converge to one point. To this
point, in continuation of his plan, Mr. Astor proposed to despatch,
every year, a ship with the necessary supplies.  She would
receive the peltries collected, carry them to Canton, there invest
the proceeds in merchandise, and return to New York.
Another point was also to be attended to. In coasting to the
North-west, the ship would be brought into contact with the
Russian Fur Company's establishments in that quarter; and, as a
rivalry might ensue, it was politic to conciliate the good will 'of
that body. It depended chiefly, for its supplies, upon transient
trading vessels from the United States. The owners of these
vessels, having nothing beyond their individual interests to consult, made no scruple of furnishing the natives with fire arms.
and were thus productive of much injury. To this effect, the
Russian government had remonstrated with the United States,
urging to have the traffic in arms prohibited-but, no municipal
law being infringed, our government could not interfere. Still,
it was anxious not to offend Russia, and applied to Mr. Astor for
information as to the means of remedying the evil, knowing him
to be well versed in all the concerns of' the trade in question.
This application suggested to him the idea of paying a regular
visit to the Russian settlements with his annual ship.  Thus,
being kept regularly in supplies, they would be independent of
the casual traders, who would, consequently, be excluded from
the coast.  This whole scheme, Mr. Astor communicated to
President Jefferson, soliciting the countenance of Government.
The cabinet "joined in warm approbation of the plan, and held
out assurance of every protection that could, consistently with
general policy, be afforded."
In speaking of the motives which actuated Mr. Astor in an
enterprise so extensive, Mr. Irving, we are willing to believe,
has done that high-minded gentleman no more that the simplest
species of justice. " He was already," says our author, "wealthy





426


ASTORIA.


beyond the ordinary desires of man, but he now aspired to that
honorable fame which is awarded to men of similar scope of
mind, who, by their great commercial enterprises, have enriched
nations, peopled wildernesses, and extended the bounds of empire.
lie considered his projected establishment at the mouth of the
Columbia, as the emporium to an immense commerce; as a
colony that would form the germ of a wide civilization; that
would, in fact, carry the American population across the Rocky
Mountains, and spread it along the shores of the Pacific, as it
already animated the shores of the Atlantic."
A few words in relation to the North-west company. This
body, following out in part the suggestion of Sir Alexander Mackenzie, had already established a few trading posts on the coast
of the Pacific, in a region lying about two degrees north of the
Columbia-thus throwing itself between the Russian and American territories. They would contend with Mr. Astor at an immense disadvantage, of course. They had no good post for the
receipt of supplies by sea; and must get them with great risk,
trouble and expense, over land. Their peltries also would have
to be taken home the same way-for they were not at liberty to
interfere with the East India company's monopoly, by shipping
them directly to China. Mr. Astor would therefore greatly undersell them in that, the principal market. Still, as any competition would prove detrimental to both parties, Mr. A. made
known his plans to the North-west company, proposing to interest them one-third in his undertaking. The British company,
however, had several reasons for declining the proposition-not
the least forcible of which we presume, was their secret intention
to push on a party forthwith, and forestall their rival in establishing a settlement at the mouth of the Columbia.
In the meantime AMr. Astor did not remain idle. His first care
was to procure proper coadjutors, and he was induced to seek
them principally from among such clerks of the North-west company, as were dissatisfied with their situation iu that body-hav":;g served out their probationary term, and being still, through
want of influence, without a prospect of speedy promotion. Frum
among these (generally men of capacity and experience in their
particular business), Mr. A. obtained the services of Mr. Alex




ASTORIA.


427


ander M'Kay (who had accompanied Sir Alexander Mackenzie
in both of his expeditions), Mr. Donald M'Kenzie, and Mr.
Duncan M'Dougal. Mr. Wilson Price Hunt, a native citizen
of New Jersey, and a gentleman of great worth, was afterwards
selected by Mr. Astor as his chief agent, and as the representative of himself at the contemplated establishment.  In June,
1810, "articles of agreement were entered into between Mr.
Astor and these four gentlemen, acting for themselves, and for
the several persons who had already agreed to become, or should
thereafter become, associated under the firm of " The Pacific
Fur Company."   This agreement stipulated that Mr. A. was to
be the head of the company, to manage its affairs at New York,
and to furnish every thing requisite for the enterprise at first
cost and charges, provided an advance of more than four hundred
thousand dollars should not at any time be involved. The stock
was to consist of a hundred shares, Mr. Astor taking fifty, the
rest being divided among the other partners and their associates.
A general meeting was to be held annually at Columbia river,
where absent members might vote by proxy. The association
was to continue twenty years-but might be dissolved within the
first five years, if found unprofitable. For these five years Mr.
A. agreed to bear all the loss that might be incurred, An agent,
appointed for a like term, was to reside at the main establishment,
and Mr. Hunt was the person first selected.
Mr. Astor determined to begin his enterprise with two expeditions-one by. sea, the other by land. The former was to carry
out every thing necessary for the establishment of a fortified post
at the mouth of the Columbia. The latter, under the conduct
of Mr. Hunt, was to proceed up the Missouri and across the
Rocky Mountains to the same point. In the course of this overland journey, the most practicable line of communication would
be explored, and the best situations noted for the location of
trading rendezvous. Following Mr. Irving in our brief summary
of his narrative, we will now give some account of the first of
these expeditions.
A ship was provided called the Tonquin, of two hundred and
ninety tons, with ten guns, and twenty men. Lieutenant Jonathan Thorn of the United States navy, being on leave of abs7c-ce,





428


ASTORIA.


received the command. He was a man of courage, and had distinguished himself in the Tripolitan war. Four of the partners
went in the ship-M'Kay and M'Dougal, of whom we have
already spoken, and Messieurs David and Robert Stuart, new
associates in the firm. M'Dougal was empowered to act as the
proxy of Mr. Astor in the absence of Mr. Hunt. Twelve clerks
were also of the party. These were bound to the service of the
company for five years, and were to receive one hundred dollars
a year, payable at the expiration of the term, with an annual
equipment of clothing to the amount of forty dollars. By promises of future promotion, their interests were identified with those
of Mr. Astor. Thirteen Canadian voyageurs, and several artisans, completed the ship's company. On the 8th of September,
1810, the Tonquin put to sea. Of her voyage to the mouth of
the Columbia, Mr. Irving has given a somewhat ludicrous account. Thorn, the stern, straight-forward officer of the navy,
having few ideas beyond those of duty and discipline, and looking
with supreme contempt upon the motley "' lubbers" who formed
the greater part of his company, is painted with the easy yet
spirited pencil of an artist indeed; while M'Dougal, the shrewd
Scotch partner, bustling, yet pompous, and impressed with lofty
notions of his own importance as proxy for Mr. Astor, is made
as supremely ridiculous as possible, with as little apparent effort
as can well be imagined;-the portraits, however, carry upon
their faces the evidence of their own authenticity. The voyage
is prosecuted amid a series of petty quarrels, and cross purposes,
between the captain and his crew, and, occasionally, between Mr.
M'Kay and Mr. M'Dougal. The contests between the two latter
gentlemen were brief, it appears, although violent. "Within
fifteen minutes," says Captain Thorn in a letter to Mr. Astor,
"they would be caressing each other like children."  The Tonquin doubled Cape Horn on Christmas day, arrived at Owhyhee
on the eleventh of February, took on board fresh provisions,
sailed again with twelve Sandwich islanders on the 28th, and on
the 22d of March arrived at the mouth of the Columbia. In
seeking a passage across the bar, a boat and nine men were lost
among the breakers.  On the way from Owhyhee a violent
storm occurred; and the bickerings still continued between the





ASTORIA.


429


partners and the captain-the latter, indeed, grievously suspecting the former of a design to depose him.
The Columbia, for about forty miles from its mouth, is, strictly
speaking, an estuary, varying in breadth from three to seven
miles, and indented by deep bays. Shoals and other obstructions
render the navigation dangerous. Leaving this broad portion
of the stream in the progress upwards, we find the mouth of the
river proper-which is about half a mile wide. The entrance
to the estuary from sea is bounded on the south by a long, low,
and sandy beach stretching into the ocean, and called Point
Adams. On the northern side of the frith is Cape Disappointment, a steep promontory.  Immediately east of this cape is
Baker's Bay, and within this the Tonquin came to anchor.
Jealousies still continued between the captain and the worthy
M'Dougal, who could come to no agreement in regard to the
proper location for the contemplated establishment. On April
the fifth, without troubling himself farther with the opinions of
his coadjutors, Mr. Thorn landed in Baker's Bay, and began
operations. At this summary proceeding, the partners were, of
course, in high dudgeon, and an open quarrel seemed likely to
ensue, to the serious detriment of the enterprise. These difficulties, however, were at length arranged, and finally on the 12th
of April, a settlement was commenced at a point of land called
Point George, on the southern shore of the frith. Here was a
good harbor, where vessels of two hundred tons might anchor
within fifty yards of the shore. In honor of the chief partner,
the new post received the title of Astoria. After much delay,
the portion of the cargo destined for the post was landed, and the
Tonquin left free to proceed on her voyage. She was to coast
to the north, to trade for peltries at the different harbors, and to
touch at Astoria on her return in the autumn. Mr. M'Kay went
in her as supercargo, and a Mr. Lewis as ship's clerk. On the
morning of the 5th of June she stood out to sea, the whole number of persons on board amounting to three and twenty. In one
of the outer bays Captain Thorn procured the services of an Indian named Lamazee, who had already made two voyages along
the coast, and who agreed to accompany him as interpreter. In
a few days the ship arrived at Vancouver's Island, and came to





430


ASTORIA.


anchor in the harbor of Neweetee, much against the advice of
the Indian, who warned Captain Thorn of the perfidious character of the natives. The result was the mercilessbutchery of the
whole crew, with the exception of the interpreter and Mr. Lewis,
the ship's clerk. The latter, finding himself mortally wounded
and without companions, blew up the ship and perished with
more than a hundred of the enemy. Lamazee, getting among
the Indians, escaped, and was the means of bearing the news of
the disaster to Astoria. In relating at length the thrilling details
of this catastrophe, Mr. Irving takes occasion to comment on the
headstrong, although brave and strictly honorable character of
Lieutenant Thorn. The danger and folly, on the part of agents,
in disobeying the matured instructions of those who deliberately
plan extensive enterprises, such as that of Mr. Astor, is also
justly and forcibly shown. The misfortune here spoken of, arose,
altogether, from a disregard of Mr. A.'s often repeated adviceto admit but few Indians on board the Tonquin at one time.
Her loss was a serious blow to the infant establishment at Astoria. To this post let us now return.
The natives inhabiting the borders of the estuary were divided
into four tribes, of which the Chinooks were the principal.
Comcomly, a one-eyed Indian, was their chief. These tribes
resembled each other in nearly every respect, and were, no
doubt, of a common stock. They live chiefly by fishing-the
Columbia and its tributary streams abounding in fine salmon,
and a variety of other fish. A trade in peltries, but to no great
amount, was immediately commenced and carried on. Much
disquiet was occasioned at the post by a rumor among the Indians that thirty white men had appeared on the banks of the
Columbia, and were building houses at the second rapids. It
was feared that these were an advance party of the North-west
company endeavoring to seize upon the upper parts of the river,
and thus forestall Mr. Astor in the trade of the surrounding
country. Bloody feuds in this case might be anticipated, such
as had prevailed between rival companies in former times. The
intelligence of the Indians proved true-the " North-west" had
erected a trading house on the Spokan river, which falls into the
north branch of the Columbia. The Astorians could do little to





ASTORIA.


431


oppose them in their present reduced state as to numbers. Ii
was resolved, however, to advance a counter-check to the post
on the Spokan, and Mr. David Stuart prepared to set out for
this purpose with eight men and a small assortment of goods.
On the fifteenth of July, when this expedition was about starting,
a canoe, manned with nine white men, and bearing the British
flag, entered the harbor. They proved to be the party dispatched
by the rival company to anticipate Mr. Astor in the settlement
at the mouth of the river. Mr. David Thompson, their leader,
announced himself as a partner of the " North-west"-but otherwise gave a very peaceable account of himself. It appears, however, from information subsequently derived from other sources,
that he had hurried with a desperate haste across the mountains,
calling at all the Indian villages in his march, presenting them
with British flags, and " proclaiming formally that he took possession of the country for the North-west company, and in the
name of the king of Great Britain."  His plan was defeated, it
seems, by the desertion of a great portion of his followers, and it
was thought probable that he now merely descended the river
with a view of reconnoitering. M'Dougal treated the gentlemen
with great kindness, and supplied them with goods and provisions
for their journey back across the mountains-this much against
the wishes of Mr. David Stuart, " who did not think the object
of their visit entitled them to any favor." A letter for Mr.
Astor was entrusted to Thompson.
On the twenty-third of July, the party for the region of the
Spokan set out, and after a voyage of much interest, succeeded
in establishing the first interior trading post of the company. It
was situated on a point of land about three miles long and two
broad, formed by the junction of the Oakinagan with the Columbia. In the meantime the Indians near Astoria began to evince
a hostile disposition, and a reason for this altered demeanor was
soon after found in the report of the loss of the Tonquin. Early
in August the settlers received intelligence of her fate. They
now found themselves in a perilous situation, a mere handful of
men, on a savage coast, and surrounded by barbarous enemies.
From their dilemma they were relieved, for the present, by the
ingenuity of M'Dougal. The natives had a great dread of the





ASTORIA.


small-pox, which had appeared among them a few years before,
sweeping off entire tribes. They believed it an evil either inflicted upon them by the Great Spirit, or brought among them
by the white men. Seizing upon this latter idea, M'Dougal assembled several of the chieftains whom he believed to be inimical, and informing them that he had heard of the treachery of
their northern brethren in regard to the Tonquin, produced from
his pocket a small bottle. " The white men among you," said
he, "are few in number, it is true, but they are mighty in medicine. See here!  In this bottle I hold the small-pox safely
corked up; I have but to draw the cork and let loose the pestilence, to sweep man, woman and child from the face of the
earth!" The chiefs were dismayed. They represented to the
" Great Small-Pox Chief" that they were the firmest friends of
the white men, that they had nothing to do with the villains who
murdered the crew of the Tonquin, and that it wogld be unjust,
in uncorking the bottle, to destroy the innocent with the guilty.
M'Dougal was convinced. He promised not to uncork it until
some overt act should compel him to do so. In this manner
tranquillity was restored to the settlement. A large house was
now built, and the frame of a schooner put together. She was
named the Dolly, and was the first American vessel launched on
the coast. But our limits will not permit us to follow too minutely the details of the enterprise. The adventurers kept up
their spirits, sending out occasional foraging parties in the Dolly,
and looking forward to the arrival of Mr. Hunt. So wore away
the year 1811 at the little post of Astoria. We now come to
speak of the expedition by land.
This, it will be remembered, was to be conducted by Mr. Wilson Price Hunt, a native of New Jersey. He is represented as
scrupulously upright, of amiable disposition, and agreeable manners. He had never been in the heart of the wilderness, but,
having been for some time engaged in commerce at St. Louis,
furnishing Indian traders with goods, he had acquired much
knowledge of the trade at second hand. Mr. Donald M'Kenzie,
another partner, was associated with him. He had been ten
years in the interior, in the service of the North-west Company,
and had much practical experience in all Indian concerns. In





ASTORIA.


433


July 1810, the two gentlemen repaired to Montreal, where everything requisite to the expedition could be procured. Here they
met with many difficulties-some of which were thrown in their
way by their rivals. Having succeeded, however, in laying in a
supply of ammunition, provisions, and Indian goods, they embarked all on board a large boat, and, with a very inefficient
crew, the best to be procured, took their departure from St.
Ann's, near the extremity of the island of Montreal.  Their
course lay up the Ottawa, and along a range of small lakes and
rivers. On the twenty-second of July, they arrived at Mackinaw,
situated on Mackinaw island, at the confluence of Lakes Huron
and Michigan. Here it was necessary to remain some time to
complete the assortment of Indian goods, and engage more
voyageurs. While waiting to accomplish these objects, Mr. Hunt
was joined by Mr. Ramsay Crooks, a gentleman whom he had
invited, by letter, to engage as a partner in the expedition. He
was a native of Scotland, had served under the North-west Company, and been engaged in private trading adventures among the
various tribes of the Missouri. Mr. Crooks represented, in forcible terms, the dangers to be apprehended from the Indiansespecially the Blackfeet and Sioux-and it was agreed to increase the number of the party to sixty upon arriving at St.
Louis. Thirty was its strength upon leaving Mackinaw. This
occurred on the twelfth of August. The expedition pursued the
usual route of the fur-trader-by Green bay, Fox and Wisconsin rivers, to Prairie du Chien, and thence down the Mississippi
to St. Louis, where they landed on the third of September.
Here, Mr. Hunt met with some opposition from an association
called the Missouri Fur Company, and especially from its leading
partner, a Mr. Manuel Lisa. This company had a capital of
about forty thousand dollars, and employed about two hundred
and fifty men. Its object was to establish posts along the upper
part of the river, and monopolize the trade. Mr. H. proceeded
to strengthen himself against competition. He secured to Mr.
Astor the services of Mr. Joseph Miller. This gentleman had
been an officer of the United States' Army, but had resigned on
being refused a furlough, and taken to trading with the Indians.
He joined the association as a partner; and, on account of his
VOL. IV.-28





434:


ASTORIA.


experience and general acquirements, Mr. Hunt considered him
a valuable coadjutor. Several boatmeni and hunters were also,
now, enlisted, but not until after a delay of several weeks. This
delay, and the previous difficulties at Montreal and Mackinaw,
had thrown Mr. H. much behind his original calculations, so that
he found it would be impossible to effect his voyage up the Missouri during the present season. There was every likelihood
that the river would be closed before the party could reach its
upper waters. To winter, however, at St. Louis, would be expensive. Mr. H., therefore, determined to push up on his way
as far as possible, to some point where game might be found in
abundance, and there take up his quarters until spring. On the
twenty-first of October, he set out. The party were distributed
in three boats-two large Schenectady barges, and a keel boat.
By the sixteenth of November, they reached the mouth of the
Nodowa, a distance of four hundred and fifty miles, where they
set up their winter quarters. Here, Mr. Robert M'Lellan, at
the invitation of Mr. Hunt, joined the association as a partner.
He was a man of vigorous frame, of restless and imperious temper, and had distinguished himself as a partisan under General
Wayne. John Day also joined the company at this place-a tall
and athletic hunter from the backwoods of Virginia. Leaving
the main body at Nodowa, Mr. Hunt now returned to St. Louis
for a reinforcement. He was again impeded by the machinations
of the Missouri Fur Company, but finally succeeded in enlisting
one hunter, some voyageurs, and a Sioux interpreter, Pierre
Dorion. With these, after much difficulty, he got back to the
encampment on the seventeenth of April. Soon after this period,
the voyage up the river was resumed. The party now consisted
of nearly sixty persons-five partners, Hunt, Crooks, M'Kenzie,
Miller, and M'Lellan; one clerk, John Reed; forty Canadian
voyageurs; and several hunters. They embarked in four boats,
one of which, of a large size, mounted a swivel and two
howitzers.
We do not intend, of course, to proceed with our travellers
throughout the vast series of adventure encountered in their passage through the wilderness. To the curious in these particulars,
we recommend the book itself. No details more intensely excit




ASTORIA.


435


ing are to be found in any work of travels within our knowledge.
At times full of life and enjoying the whole luxury to be fobund
in the career of the hunter-at times suffering every extremity
of fatigue, hunger, thirst, anxiety, terror, and despair-Mr. H unt
still persisted in his journey, and finally brought it to a successful termination. A bare outline of the route pursued is all we
can attempt.
Proceeding up the river, our party arrived, on the twentyeighth of April, at the mouth of the Nebraska, or Platte, the
largest tributary of the Missouri, and about six hundred miles
above its junction with the Mississippi. They now halted for
two days, to supply themselves with oars and poles from the
tough wood of the ash, which is not to be found higher up the
river. Upon the second of May, two of the hunters insisted
upon abandoning the expedition, and returning to St. Louis. On
the tenth, the party reached the Omaha village, and encamped in
its vicinity. This village is about eight hundred and thirty
miles above St. Louis, and on the west bank of the stream.
Three men here deserted, but their place was luckily supplied by
three others, who were prevailed upon, by liberal promises, to
enlist. On the fifteenth, Mr. Hunt left Omaha, and proceeded.
Not long afterwards, a canoe was descried navigated by two
white men. They proved to be two adventurers, who, for some
years past, had been hunting and trapping near the head of the
Missouri. Their names were Jones and Carson. They were
now on their way to St. Louis, but readily abandoned their
voyage, and turned their faces again toward the Rocky Mountains. On the twenty-third, Mr. Hunt received, by a special
messenger, a letter from Mr. Manuel Lisa, the leading partner of
the Missouri Fur Company, and the gentleman who rendered
him so many disservices at St. Louis. He had left that place,
with a large party, three weeks after Mr. H., and, having heard
rumors of hostile intentions on the part of the Sioux, a much
dreaded tribe of Indians, made great exertions to overtake him,
that they might pass through the dangerous part of the river together. Mr. H., however, was justly suspicious of the Spaniard,
and pushed on. At the village of the Poneas, about a league
south of the river Quicourt, he stopped only long enough to





436


ASTORIA.


procure a supply of dried buffalo meat. On the morning of the
twenty-fifth, it was discovered that Jones and Carson had deserted. They were pursued, but in vain. The next day, three
white men were observed, in two canoes, descending the river.
They proved to be three Kentucky hunters-Edward Robinson,
John Hoback, and Jacob Rizner. They also had passed several
years in the upper wilderness, and were now on their way home,
but willingly turned back with the expedition. Information derived from these recruits, induced Mr. Hunt to alter his route.
Hitherto, he had intended to follow the course pursued by
Messieurs Lewis and Clarke-ascending the Missouri to its
forks, and thence, by land, across the mountains. He was informed, however, that, in so doing, he would have to pass through
the country of the Blackfeet, a savage tribe of Indians, exasperated
against the whites, on account of the death of one of their men
by the hands of Captain Lewis.   Robinson advised a more
southerly route. This would carry them over the mountains
about where the head waters of the Platte and the Yellowstone
take their rise, a much more practicable pass than that of Lewis
and Clarke. To this counsel, Mr. Hunt agreed, and resolved to
leave the Missouri at the village of the Arickaras, at which they
would arrive in a few days. On the first of June, they reached
" the great bend " of the river, which here winds for about thirty
miles round a circular peninsula, the neck of which is not above
two thousand yards across. On the morning of June the third,
the party were overtaken by Lisa, much to their dissatisfaction.
The meeting was, of course, far from cordial, but an outward appearance of civility was maintained for two days. On the third,
a quarrel took place, which was near terminating seriously. It
was, however, partially adjusted, and the rival parties coasted
along opposite sides of the river, in sight of each other. On the
twelfth of June, they reached the village of the Arickaras, between the forty-sixth and forty-seventh parallels of north latitude,
and about fourteen hundred and thirty miles above the mouth of
the Missouri. In accomplishing thus much of his journey, Mr.
Hunt had not failed to meet with a crowd of difficulties, at which
we have not even hinted. He was frequently in extreme peril
from large bodies of the Sioux, and, at one time, it was a mere





ASTORIA.


437


accident alone which prevented the massacre of the whole
party.
At the Arickara village, our adventurers were to abandon
their boats, and proceed westward across the wilderness. Horses
were to be purchased from the Indians; who could not, however,
furnish them in sufficient numbers. In this dilemma, Lisa offered
to purchase the boats, now no longer of use, and to pay for them
in horses, to be obtained at a fort belonging to the Missouri Fur
Company, and situated at the Mandan villages, about a hundred
and fifty miles further up the river. A bargain was made, and
Messieurs Lisa and Crooks went for the horses, returning with
them in about a fortnight. At the Arickara village, if we understand, Mr. Hunt engaged the services of one Edward Rose.
iHe enlisted, as interpreter when the expedition should reach the
country of the Upsarokas or Crow Indians, among whom he had
formerly resided. On the eighteenth of July, the party took up
their line of march. They were still insufficiently provided with
horses. The cavalcade consisted of eighty-two, most of them
heavily laden with Indian goods, beaver traps, ammunition, and
provisions. Each of the partners was mounted. As they took
leave of Arickara, the veterans of Lisa's company, as well as
Lisa himself, predicted the total destruction of our adventurers,
amid the innumerable perils of the wilderness.
To avoid the Blackfeet Indians, a ferocious and implacable
tribe, of which we have before spoken, the party kept a southwestern direction. This route took them across some of the
tributary streams of the Missouri, and through immense prairies,
bounded only by the horizon. Their progress was, at first, slow,
and, Mr. Crooks falling sick, it was necessary to make a litter
for him between two horses. On the twenty-third of the month,
they encamped on the banks of a little stream, nicknamed Big
River, where they remained several days, meeting with a
variety of adventures. Among other things, they were enabled
to complete their supply of horses from a band of the Cheyenne
Indians. On the sixth of August, the journey was resumed, and
they soon left the hostile region of the Sioux behind them.
About this period, a plot was discovered on the part of the interpreter, Edward Rose. This villain had been tampering with the





438


ASTORIA.


men, and proposed, upon arriving among his old acquaintances
the Crows, to desert to the savages with as much booty as could
be carried off. The matter was adjusted, however, and Mr.
Rose, through the ingenuity of Mr. Hunt, quietly dismissed. On
the thirteenth, Mr. H. varied his course to the westward, a route
which soon brought him to a fork of the Little Missouri, and
upon the skirts of the Black Mountains. These are an extensive
chain, lying about a hundred miles east of the Rocky Mountains,
stretching north-easterly from the south fork of the river Platte
to the great north bent of the Missouri, and dividing the waters
of the Missouri from those of the Mississippi and Arkansas. The
travellers here supposed themselves to be about two hundred and
fifty miles from the village of the Arickaras. Their more serious
troubles now commenced. Hunger and thirst, with tI  min'
difficulties of grizzly bears, beset them at every turn, as th
attempted to force a passage through the rugged barriers in their
path. At length, they emerged upon a stream of clear water,
one of the forks of Powder river, and once more beheld wide
meadows and plenty of buffalo. They ascended this stream
about eighteen miles, directing their march towards a lofty
mountain, which had been in sight since the seventeenth. They
reached the base of this mountain, which proved to be a spur of
the Rocky chain, on the thirtieth, having now come about four
hundred miles since leaving Arickora.
For one or two days, they endeavored in vain to find a defile
in the mountains. On the third of September, they made an
attempt to force a passage to the westward, but soon become
entangled among rocks and precipices, which set all their efforts
at defiance. They were now too in the region of the terrible
Upsarokas, and encountered them at every step. They met also
with friendly bands of Shoshonies and Flatheads.  After a
thousand troubles, they made some way upon their journey. On
the ninth, they reached Wind river, a stream which gives its
name to a range of mountains consisting of three parallel chains,
eighty miles long and about twenty-five broad. " One of its
peaks," says our author, " is probably fifteen thousand feet above
the level of the sea."  For five days, Mr. Hunt followed up 1he
course of Wind river, crossing and recrossing it. He had been





ASTORIA.


439


assured by the three hunters who advised him to strike through
the wilderness, that, by going on up the river, and crossing a
single mountain ridge, he would come upon the head waters of
the Columbia. The scarcity of game, however, determined him
to pursue a different course.  In the course of the day, after
coming to this resolve, they perceived three mountain peaks,
white with snow, and which were recognized by the hunters as
rising just above a fork of the Columbia. These peaks were
named the Pilot Knobs by Mr. Hunt. The travellers continued
their course for about forty miles to the south-west, and, at length,
found a river flowing to the west. This proved to be a branch
of the Colorado. They followed its current for fifteen miles. On
the eighteenth, abandoning its main course, they took a northesterl - direction for eight miles, and reached one of its little
butaries, issuing from the bosom of the mountains, and running
through green meadows abounding in buffalo. Here, they encamped for several days, a little repose being necessary for both
men and horses. On the twenty-fourth, the journey was resumed.
Fifteen miles brought them to a stream about fifty feet wide,
which was recognized as one of the head waters of the Columbia.
They kept along it for two days, during which it gradually
swelled into a river of some size. At length, it was joined by
another current, and both united swept off in an unimpeded
stream, which, fi:om its rapidity and turbulence had received the
appellation of Mad river. Down this, they anticipated an uninterrupted voyage, in canoes, to the point of their ultimate destination-but their hopes were very far from being realized.
The partners held a consultation. The three hunters who
had hitherto acted as guides, knew nothing of the region to the
west of the Rocky Mountains. It was doubtful whether Mad
river could be navigated, and they could hardly resolve to abandon their horses upon an uncertainty. The vote, nevertheless,
was for embarkation, and they proceeded to build the necessary
vessels. In the meantime, Mr. Hunt, having now reached the
head waters of the Columbia, reputed to abound in beaver, turned his thoughts to the main object of the expedition. Four men,
Alexander Carson, Louis St. Michel, Pierre Detay6, and Pierre
Dclauinu, w.,'cre detached from the expedition, to remain and





440


ASTORIA.


trap beaver by themselves in the wilderness. Having collected
a sufficient quantity of peltries, they were to bring them to the
d6p6t, at the mouth of the Columbia, or to some intermediate
post to be established by the company. These trappers had just
departed, when two Snake Indians wandered into the camp, and
declared the river to be unnavigable. Scouts sent out by Mr.
Hunt finally confirmed this report. On the fourth of October,
therefore, the encampment was broken up, and the party proceeded to search for a post in possession of the Missouri Fur
Company, and said to be somewhere in the neighborhood, upon
the banks of another branch of the Columbia. This post, they
found without much difficulty. It was deserted-and our tra.
vellers gladly took possession of the rude buildings. The stream
here found, was upwards of a hundred yards wide. Canoes
were constructed with all despatch. In the meantime, another
detachment of trappers was cast loose in the wilderness. These
were Robinson, Rezner, Hoback, Carr, and Mr. Joseph Miller.
This latter, it will be remembered, was one of the partners-he
threw up his share in the expedition, however, for a life of more
perilous adventure. On the eighteenth of the month, (October,)
fifteen canoes being completed, the voyagers embarked, leaving
their horses in charge of the two Snake Indians, who were still
in company.
In the course of the day, the party arrived at the junction of
the stream upon which they floated, with Mad river. Here,
Snake river commences-the scene of a thousand disasters. After
proceeding about four hundred miles, by means of frequent portages, and beset with innumerable difficulties of every kind, the
adventurers were brought to a halt by a series of frightful cataracts, raging as far as the eye could reach, between stupendous
ramparts of black rock, rising more than two hundred feet perpendicularly.  This place, they called "The Caldron Linn."
Here, Antoine Clappine, one of the voyageurs, perished amid the
whirlpools, three of the canoes stuck immovably among the
rocks, and one was swept away with all the weapons and effects
of four of the boatmen.
The situation of the party was now lamentable, indeed-in the
heart of an unknown wilderness, at a loss what route to take,





ASTORIA.


441


ignorant of their distance from the place of their destination, and
with no human being near them from whom counsel might be
taken. Their stock of provisions was reduced to five days
allowance, and famine stared them in the face. It was, therefore,
more perilous to keep together than to separate. The goods and
provisions, except a small, supply for each man, were concealed
in caches, (holes dug in the earth,) and the party were divided
into several small detachments, which started off in different
directions, keeping the mouth of the Columbia in view as their
ultimate point of destination. From this post, they were still
distant nearly a thousand miles, although this fact was unknown
to them at the time.
On the twenty-first of January, after a series of almost incredible adventures, the division in which Mr. Hunt enrolled
himself struck the waters of the Columbia, some distance below
the junction of its two great branches, Lewis and Clarke rivers,
and not far from the influx of the Wallah-Wallah. Since leaving
the Caldron Linn, they had toiled two hundred and forty miles,
through snowy wastes and precipitous mountains, and six months
had now elapsed since their departure from the Arickara village,
on the Missouri-their whole route from that point, according to
their computation, having been seventeen hundred and fifty-one
miles. Some vague intelligence was now received in regard to
the other divisions of the party, and also of the settlers at the
mouth of the Columbia. On the thirty-first, Mr. Hunt reached
the falls of the river, and encamped at the village of Wish-Ram.
Here were heard tidings of the massacre on board the Tonquin.
On the fifth of February, having procured canoes with much
difficulty, the adventurers departed from Wish-Ram, and, on
the fifteenth, sweeping round an intervening cape, they came in
sight of the long-desired Astoria. Among the first to greet them
on their landing, were some of their old comrades, who had
parted from them at the Caldron Linn, and who had reached the
settlement nearly a month before. Mr. Crooks and John Day,
being unable to get on, had been left with some Indians in the
wilderness-they afterwards came in.  Carriere, a voyagceur,
who was also abandoned through the sternest necessity, was
never heard of more. Jean Babtiste Prevost, likewise a voya




44


ASTORIA.


geur, rendered frantic by famine, had been drowned in the Snake
river. All parties had suffered the extremes of weariness,
privation and peril. They had travelled from St. Louis, thirtyfive hundred miles. Let us now return to Mr. Astor.
As yet he had received no intelligence from the Columbia,
and had to proceed upon the supposition that all had gone as he
desired. He accordingly fitted out a fine ship, the Beaver, of
four hundred and ninety tons. Her cargo was assorted with a
view to the supply of Astoria, the trade along the coast, and the
wants of the Russian Fur Company. There embarked in her,
for the settlement, a partner, five clerks, fifteen American laborers, and six Canadian voyageurs.  Mr. John Clarke, the
partner, was a native of the United States, although he had.
passed much of his life in the North-west, having been employed
in the fur trade since the age of sixteen.  The clerks were,
chiefly, young American gentlemen of good connexions. Mr.
Astor had selected this reinforcement with the design of securing
an ascendancy of American influence at Astoria, and rendering
the association decidedly national. This, from the peculiar circumstances of the case, he had been unable to do in the commencement of his undertaking.
Captain Sowle, the commander of the Beaver, was directed to
touch at the Sandwich islands, to inquire about the fortunes of
the Tonquin, and ascertain, if possible, whether the settlement
had been effected at Astoria. If so, he was to enlist as many of
the natives as possible and proceed. He was to use great caution
in his approach to the mouth of the Columbia. If everything
was found right, however, he was to land such part of his cargo
as was intended for the post, and to sail for New Archangel with
the Russian supplies. Having received furs in payment, he
would return to Astoria, take in the peltries there collected, and
make the best of his way to Canton. These were the strict
letter of his instructions-a deviation from which was subsequently the cause of great embarrassment and loss, and contributed largely to the failure of the whole enterprise. The Beaver
sailed on the tenth of October, 1811, and, after taking in twelve
natives at the Sandwich islands, reached the mouth of the Coluinbia, in safety, on the ninth of May, 1812. Her arrival gave





ASTORIA.


443


liLe and vigor to the establishment, and afforded means of extending the operations of the company, and founding a number
of interior trading posts.
It now became necessary to send despatches over land to Mr
Astor, at New York, an attempt at so doing having been frustrated some time before by the hostility of the Indians at WishRam. The task was confided to M. Robert Stuart, who, though
he had never been across the mountains, had given evidence of
his competency for such undertakings. He was accompanied by
Ben. Jones and John Day, Kentuckians; Andri Vallar and
Francis Le Clerc, Canadians; and two of the partners, Messieurs
M'Lellan and Crooks, who were desirous of returning to the
Atlantic States. This little party set out on the twenty-ninth of
June, and Mr. Irving accompanies them, in detail, throughout
the whole of their long and dangerous wayfaring. As might be
expected, they encountered misfortunes still more terrible than
those before experienced by Mr. Hunt and his associates. The
chief features of the journey were the illness of Mr. Crooks, and
the loss of all the horses of the party through the villany of the
Upsarokas. This latter circumstance was the cause of excessive
trouble and great delay. On the thirtieth of April, however,
the party arrived, in fine health and spirits, at St. Louis, having
been ten months in performing their perilous expedition. The
route taken by Mr. Stuart coincided nearly with that of Mr.
Hunt, as far as the Wind river mountains. From this point, the
former struck somewhat to the south-east, following the Nebraska
to its junction with the Missouri.
War having at length broken out between the United States
and England, Mr. Astor perceived that the harbor of New York
would be blockaded, and the departure of the annual supply ship
in the autumn prevented.   In this emergency, he wrote to
Captain Sowle, the commander of the Beaver, addressing him at
Canton. The letter directed him to proceed to the factory, at
the mouth of the Columbia, with such articles as the establishment might need, and to remain there subject to the orders of
Mr. Hunt. In the meantime, nothing had yet been heard from
the settlement. Still, not discouraged, Mr. A. determined to
send out another ship, although the risk of loss was so greatly





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enhanced that no insurance could be effected. The Lark was
chosen-remarkable for her fast sailing. She put to sea on
the sixth of March, 1813, under the command of Mr. Northrop,
her mate-the officer first appointed to command her having
shrunk from his engagement. Within a fortnight after her departure, Mr. A. received intelligence that the North-west Company had presented a memorial to Great Britain, stating the
vast scope of the contemplated operations at Astoria, expressing
a fear that, unless crushed, the settlement there would effect the
downfall of their own fur trade, and advising that a force be sent
against the colony. In consequence, the frigate Phoebe was ordered to convoy the armed ship Isaac Todd, belonging to the
North-west company, and provided with men and munitions for
the formation of a new establishment. They were directed " to
proceed together to the mouth of the Columbia, capture or destroy whatever American fortress they would find there, and
plant the British flag on its ruins."  Upon this matter's being
represented to our government, the frigate Adams, Captain
Crane, was detailed for the protection of Astoria; and Mr. A.
proceeded to fit out a ship called the Enterprise, to sail in company with the frigate, and freighted with additional supplies.
Just, however, as the two vessels were ready, a reinforcement of
seamen was wanted for Lake Ontario, and the crew of the
Adams were, necessarily, transferred to that service. Mr. A.
was about to send off his ship alone, when a British force made
its appearance off the Hook, and New York was effecually
blockaded. The Enterprise, therefore, was unloaded and dismantled. We now return to the Beaver.
This vessel, after leaving at Astoria that portion of her cargo
destined for that post, sailed for New Archangel on the fourth of
August, 1812. She arrived there on the nineteenth, meeting
with no incidents of moment. A long time was now expended
in negotiations with the drunken governor of the Russian fur
colony-one Count Baranoff-and when they were finally completed, the month of October had arrived. Moreover, in payment for his supplies, Mr. Hunt was to receive seal-skins, and
none were on the spot. It was necessary, therefore, to proceed
to a seal-catching establishment belonging to the Russian corn





ASTORIA.


44b


pany at the Island of St. Paul, in the sea of Kamschatka. -He
set sail for this place on the fourth of October, after having wasted
forty-five days at New Archangel. He arrived on the thirtyfirst of the month-by which time, according to his arrangement,
he should have been back at Astoria. Now occurred great delay
in getting the peltries on board; every pack being overhauled to
prevent imposition. To make matters worse, the Beaver one
night was driven off shore in a gale, and could not get back until
the thirteenth of November. Having at length taken in the
cargo and put to sea, Mr. Hunt was in some perplexity as to his
course. The ship had been much injured in the late gale, and
he thought it imprudent to attempt making the mouth of the
Columbia in this boisterous time of the year. Moreover, the
season was already much advanced; and should he proceed to
Astoria as originally intended, he might arrive at Canton so late
as to find a bad market. Unfortunately, therefore, he determined to go at once to the Sandwich Islands, there await the
arrival of the annual ship from New York, take passage in her
to the settlement, and let the Beaver proceed on her voyage to
China. It is but justice to add that he was mainly induced to
this course by the timid representations of Captain Sowle. They
reached Woahoo in safety, where the ship underwent the necessary repairs, and again put to sea on the first of January, 1813,
leaving Mr. Hunt on the Island.
At Canton, Captain Sowle found the letter of Mr. Astor, giving him information of the war, and directing him to convey the
intelligence to Astoria. He wrote a reply, in which he declined
complying with these orders, saying that he would wait for peace,,and then return home. In the meantime Mr. Hunt waited in
vain for the annual vessel. At length, about the twentieth of
June, the ship Albatross, Captain Smith, arrived from China,
bringing the first news of the war to the Sandwich Islands.
This ship.Mr. H. chartered for two thousand dollars, to land
him, with some supplies, at Astoria. He reached this post on
the twentieth of August, where he found the affairs of the company in a perishing condition, and the partners bent upon aban.
doning the settlement. To this resolution Mr. Hunt was finally
brought to consent. There was a large stock of furs, however,





446


ASTORIA.


at the factory, which it was necessary to get to a market, and a
ship was required for this service. The Albatross was bound to
the Marquesas, and thence to the Sandwich Islands; and it was
resolved that Mr. H. should sail in her in quest of a vessel, returning, if possible, by the first of January, and bringing with
him a supply of provisions. He departed on the twenty-sixth
of August, and reached the Marquesas without accident. Commodore Porter soon afterward arrived, bringing intelligence that the
British frigate Phoebe, with a store-ship mounted with battering
pieces, together with the sloops of war Cherub and Racoon, had
all sailed, from Rio Janiero, on the sixth of July, bound for the
mouth of the Columbia. Mr. H., after in vain attempting to
purchase a whale ship from  Commodore Porter, started, on the
twenty-third of November, for the Sandwich Islands, arriving
on December the twentieth.  Here he found Captain Northrop,
of the Lark, which had suffered shipwreck on the coast about
the middle of M arch. The brig Pedlar was now purchased for
ten thousand dollars, and, Captain N. being put in command of
her, Mr. H. sailed for Astoria on the twenty-second of January,
1814, with the view of removing the property there, as speedily
as possible, to the Russian settlements in the vicinity-these were
Mr. Astor's orders sent out by the Lark. On the twehty-eighth
of February the brig anchored in the Columbia, when it was
found that, on the twelfth of December, the British had taken
possession of the post. In some negotiations carried on, just before the surrender, on the part of the North-west company and
M'Dougal, that worthy personage gave full evidence that Captain Thorn was not far wrong in suspecting him to be no better
than he should be. lie had been for some time secretly a partner of the rival association, and shortly before the arrival of the
British, took advantage of his situation as head of the post, to
barter away the property of the company at less than one-third
of its value.
Thus failed this great enterprise of Mr. Astor. At the peace,
Astoria itself, by the treaty of Ghent, reverted with the adjacent
country to the United States, on the principle of status ante
bellumn. In the winter of 1815, Congress passed a law prohibiting all traffic of British traders within our territories, and )MJr.





ASTORIA.


447


A. felt anxious to seize this opportunity for the renewal of his
undertaking. For good reasons, however, he could do nothing
without the direct protection of the government. This evinced
much supineness in the matter; the favorable moment was suffered to pass unimproved; and, in despite of the prohibition of
Congress, the British finally usurped the lucrative traffic in peltries throughout the whole of our vast territories in the Northwest. A very little aid from the sources whence he had naturally a right to expect it, would have enabled Mr. Astor to direct
this profitable commerce into national channels, and to render
New York, what London has now long been, the great emporium
for furs.
We have already spoken of the masterly manner in which
Mr. Irving has executed his task. It occurs to us that we have
observed one or two slight discrepancies in the narrative. There
appears to be some confusion between the names of M'Lellan,
M'Lennon and M'Lennan-or do these three appellations refer
to the same individual? In going up the Missouri, Mr. Hunt
arrives at the Great Bend on the first of June,-the third day
after which (the day on which the party is overtaken by Lisa) is
said to be the third of July. Jones and Carson join the expedition just above the Omaha village. At page 187, vol. 1, we are
told that the two men " who had joined the company at the Maha
village" (meaning Omaha, we presume), deserted and were pursued, but never overtaken-at page 199, however, Carson is
recognized by an Indian who is holding a parley with the party.
The Lark too, only sailed from New York on the sixth of March,
1813, and on the tenth, we find her, much buffeted, somewhere
in the near vicinity of the Sandwich Islands. These errors are
of little importance in themselves, but may as well be rectified
in a future edition.


THE END.