NOTHING TO WEAR.












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NOTHING TO WEAR:
an doisdte of;itl gift.
(rzox uARZRS WUsKxLY.)
IUustratub a taoppf
NEW YORK:
RUDD & CARLETON, 310 BROADWAY.
MDCCCLVII.








NOTHING TO WEAR.
AN EPISODE OF CITY LIFE.
M    Iss FL.ORA M'FLIMSEY, of Madison Square,
Has made three separate journeys to
Paris,
And her father assures me, each time
she was there,
That she and her friend Mrs. Harris
I




8        Nothing to Wear.
(Not the lady whose name is so famous
in history,
But plain Mrs. H., without romance or
mystery)
Spent six consecutive weeks without stopping,
In one continuous round of shopping;
Shopping alone, and shopping together,
At all hours of the day, and in all sorts
of weather;
For all manner of things that a woman
can put
On the crown of her head or the sole
of her foot,




Nothing to Wear.               9
Or wrap round her shoulders, or fit round
her waist,
Or that can be sewed on, or pinned on,
or laced,
Or tied on with a string, or stitched on
with a bow,
In front or behind, above or below:
For bonnets, mantillas, capes, collars, and
shawls;
Dresses for breakfasts, and dinners, and
balls;
Dresses to sit in, and stand in, and walk in;
Dresses to dance in, and flirt in, and
talk in;




io      Nothing  to  Wear.
Dresses in which to do nothing at all;
Dresses for winter, spring, summer, and
fall;
All of them different in color and pattern,
Silk, muslin, and lace, crape, velvet, and
satin,
Brocade, and broadcloth, and other material,
Quite as expensive and much more ethereal;
In short, for all things that could ever
be thought of,
Or milliner, modiste, or tradesman be
bought of,








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Nothing  to  Wear.          13
From ten-thousand-francs robes to twenty-sous frills;
In all quarters of Paris, and to every
store,
While M'Flimsey in vain stormed, scolded, and swore,
They footed the streets, and he footed the bills.
The last trip, their goods shipped by the
steamer Arago
Formed, M'Flimsey declares, the bulk of
her cargo,




1+      Nothing  to  Wear.
Not to mention a quantity kept from the
rest,
Sufficient to fill the largest sized chest,
Which did not appear on the ship's
manifest,
But for which the ladies themselves manifested
Such particular interest, that they invested
Their own proper persons in layers and
rows
Of muslins, embroideries, worked underclothes,
Gloves, handkerchiefs, scarfs, and such
trifles as those;




Nothing  to  Wear.         I 5
Then, wrapped in great shawls, like Circassian beauties,
Gave GOOD-BY to the ship, and GO-BY to
the duties.
Her relations at home all marvelled no
doubt,
Miss Flora had grown so enormously stout
For an actual belle and a possible bride;
But the miracle ceased when she turned
inside out,
And the truth came to light, and the
dry goods beside,
Which, in spite of Collector and Custom-house sentry,




I6      Nothing  to  Wear.
Had entered the port without any entry.
And yet, though scarce three months
have passed since the day
This merchandise went, on twelve carts,
up Broadwaiy,
This same Miss M'Flinlsey, of Madison
Square,
The last time we met, was in utter despair,
Because she had nothing whatever to
wear!




Nothing  to Wear.          17
NOTHING TO WEAR!  Now, as this is a
true ditty,
I do not assert-this, you know, is
between usThat she's in a state of absolute nudity,
Like Powers' Greek Slave, or the
Medici Venus;
But I do mean to say, I have heard
her declare,
When, at the same moment, she had
on a dress
Which cost five hundred dollars, and
not a cent less,
1 *




I8      Nothing  to  Wear.
And jewelry worth ten times more, I
should guess,
That she had not a thing in the wide
world to wear!
I should mention just here, that out of
Miss Flora's
Two hundred and fifty or sixty adorers,
I had just been selected as he who
should throw all
The rest in the shade, by the gracious
bestowal








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~'~,' 




Nothing  to  Wear.          2 1
On myself, after twenty or thirty rejec.
tions,
Of those fossil remains which she called
" her affections,"
And that rather decayed, but well-known
work of art,
Which Miss Flora persisted in styling
"her heart."
So we were engaged.  Our troth  had
been plighted,
Not by moonbeam or starbean, by fountain or grove,
But in a front parlor, most brilliantly
lighted,




22      Nothing  to  Wear.
Beneath the gas-fixtures we whispered our
love.
Without any romance, or raptures, or
sighs,
Without any tears in Miss Flora's blue
eyes,
Or blushes, or transports, or such silly
actions,
It was one of the quietest business transactions,
With a very small sprinkling of sentiment, if any,
And a very large diamond imported by
Tiffany.




Nothing  to  Wear.         23
On her virginal lips while I printed a
kiss,
She exclaimed, as a sort of parenthesis,
And by way of putting me quite at my
ease,
"You know, I'm  to polka as much as
I please,
And flirt when I like-now stop, don't
you speakAnd you must not come here more than
twice in the week,
Or talk to me either at party or ball,
But always be ready to come when I
call;




24      Nothing  to  Wear.
So don't prose to me about duty and
stuff,
If we don't break this off, there will be
time enough
For that sort of thing; but the bargain
must be
That, as long as I choose, I am perfectly free,
For this is a sort of engagement, you
see,
Which is binding on you but not bind
ing on me."




Nothing to  Wear.         25
Well, having thus wooed Miss M'Flimsey and gained her,
With the silks, crinolines, and hoops that
contained her,
I had, as I thought, a contingent remainder
At least in the property, and the best
right
To appear as its escort by day and by
night:
And it being the week of the STUCKUPS'
grand ballTheir cards had been out a fortnight
or so,




26      Nothing to'Wear.
And set all the Avenue on the tiptoeI considered it only my duty to call,
And see if Miss Flora intended to go.
I found her-as ladies are apt to be
found,
When the time intervening betwveen the
first sound
Of the bell and the visitor's entry is
shorter
Than usual-I found; I won't say-I
caught herIntent on  the  pier-glass, undoubtedly
meaning




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Nothing  to  Wear.         29
To see if perhaps it didn't need cleaning.
She turned as I entered-"Why, Harry,
you sinner,
I thought that you went to the Flashers'
to dinner!"
"So I did," I replied, "but the dinner
is swallowed,
And digested, I trust, for'tis now nine
and more,
So being relieved from that duty, I followed
Inclination. which led me, you see, to
your door.




30      Nothing to  Wear.
And now will your ladyship so condescend
As just to inform me if you intend
Your beauty, and graces, and presence
to lend
(All which, when I own, I hope no
one will borrow),
To the STUCKUPS', whose party, you know,
is to-morrow i?"
The fair Flora looked up with a pitiful
air,




Nothing  to Wear.         3 I
And answered  quite promptly, "Why
Harry, mon cher,
I should like above all things to go
with you there;
But really and truly —I've nothing to
wear."
"'Nothing  to wear!  go just as you
are;
Wear the dress you have on, and you'll
be by far,
I engage, the most bright and particular
star




32      Nothing  to  Wear.
On the Stuckup horizon"-I stopped,
for her eye,
Notwithstanding this delicate onset of flattery,
Opened on me at once a most terrible
battery
Of scorn and amazement.  She made
no reply,
But gave a slight turn to the end of
her nose
(That pure Grecian feature), as much
as to say,
"How absurd that any sane man should
suppose




Nothing  to  Wear.         33
That a lady would go to a ball in the
clothes,
No matter how fine, that she wears
every day!"
So I ventured again-" Wear your crimson brocade,"
(Second turn up of nose) —" That's too
dark by a shade."
"Your blue silk" —" That's too heavy;"
" Your pink"-That's too light."
"Wear tulle over satin"-" I can't endure white."




34      Nothing  to  Wear.
"Your rose-colored, then, the best of the
batch""I haven't a thread of point lace to
match."
"Your brown  moire  antique"    "Yes,
and look like a Quaker;"
"The pearl-colored" —" I would, but that
plaguey dress-maker
Has had it a week"-" Then that exquisite lilac,
In which you would melt the heart of
a Shylock."
(Here the nose took again the same
elevation)




Nothing to  Wear.          35
"I wouldn't wear that for the whole of
creation."
"Why not?  It's my fancy, there's
nothing could strike it
As more comme il faut —"  "Yes, but,
dear me, that lean
Sophronia Stuckup has got one just
like it,
And I won't appear dressed like a chit
of sixteen."
"Then that splendid purple, that sweet
Mazarine;
That superb  point d'aiguille, that imperial green,




36      Nothing to  Wear.
That zephyr-like tarleton,  that rich grenadine""Not- one of all which is fit to be
seen,"
Said the lady, becoming excited and
ftushed.
" Then wear," I exclaimed, in a tone
which quite crushed
Opposition,  "' that  gorgeous  toilette
which you sported
In Paris last spring, at the grand presentation,
When you quite turned the head of the
head of the nation;




-I"", >K'<AI</,<'I/K.' >!i1' K/K~ V








Nothing to Wear.          39
And by all the grand court were so
very much courted."
The end of the nose was portentously
tipped up,
And both the bright eyes shot forth indignation,
As she burst upon me with the fierce
exclamation,
"I have worn it three times at the least
calculation,
And that and the most of my dresses
are ripped up!"
Here I ripped OUT something, perhaps
rather rash,
2




0o      Nothing  to  Wear.
Quite innocent, though; but, to use
an expression
More striking than classic, it "settled my
hash,"
And proved very soon the last act of
our session.
"Fiddlesticks, is it, Sir?   I wonder the
ceiling
Doesn't fall down and crush you —oh,
you men have no feeling,
You  selfish,  unnatural,  illiberal  creatures,
Who set yourselves up as patterns and
preachers.




Nothing to Wear.          4I
Your silly pretence-why what a mere
guess it is!
Pray, what do you know of a woman's
necessities? 
I have told you and shown you I've
nothing to wear,
And it's perfectly plain you not only
don't care,
But you do not believe me" (here the
nose went still higher).
"I suppose if you dared you would call
me a liar.
Our engagement is ended, Sir-yes, on
the spot;




42      Nothing to Wear.
You're a brute, and a monster, and-I
don't know what."
I mildly suggested the words  Hottentot,
Pickpocket, and cannibal, Tartar, and
thief,
As gentle expletives which might give
relief;
But this only proved as spark to the
powder,
And the storm I had raised came faster
and louder,
It blew and it rained, thundered, lightened, and hailed




Nothing  to  Wear.           -3
Interjections, verbs, pronouns, till language
quite failed
To express the abusive, and then its arrears
Were brought up all at once by a torrent of tears,
And my last faint, despairing attempt at
an obsErvation was lost in a tempest of sobs.
Well, I felt for the lady, and felt for
my hat, too,




44      Nothing  to  Wear.
Improvised on the crown of the latter a
tattoo,
In lieu of expressing the feelings which
lay
Quite too deep for words, as Wordsworth would say;
Then, without going through the form
of a bow,
Found myself in the entry —I hardly
knew howOn door-step and sidewalk, past lamppost and square,
At home and up stairs, in my own easy
chair;








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Nothing  to  Wear.         47
Poked my feet into slippers, my fire
into blaze,
And said to myself, as I lit my cigar,
Supposing a man had the wealth of the
Czar
Of the Russias to boot, for the rest
of his days,
On the whole, do you think he would
have much to spare
If he married a woman with nothing to
wear?




48      Nothing  to  Wear.
Since that night, taking pains that it
should not be bruited
Abroad in society, I've instituted
A  course of inquiry, extensive and thorough,
On this vital subject, and find, to my
horror,
That the fair Flora's case is by no means
surprising,
But that there exists the greatest distress
In our female community, solely arising
From this unsupplied destitution of
dress,




Nothing  to  Wear.         49
Whose unfortunate victims are filling the
air
With  the pitiful wail of "Nothing to
wear."
Researches in some of the "Upper Ten"
districts
Reveal the most painful and startling
statistics,
Of which let me mention only a
few:
In one single house, on the Fifth Avenue,
Three young ladies were found, all below
twenty-two,
2*




50      Nothing  to  Wear.
Who have been three whole weeks without any thing new
In the way of flounced silks, and thus
left in the lurch
Are unable to go to ball, concert, or
church.
In another large mansion near the same
place,
Was found a deplorable, heart-rending
case
Of entire destitution of Brussels point
lace.
In a neighboring block there was found,
in three calls,




Nothing  to  Wear.         5I
Total want, long continued, of camels'
hair shawls;
And a suffering family, whose case exhibits
The most pressing need of real ermine
tippets;
One deserving young lady almost unable
To survive for the want of a new Russian sable;
Another confined to the house, when it's
windier
Than usual, because her shawl isn't India.




52      Nothing  to  Wear.
Still another, whose tortures have been
most terrific
Ever since the sad loss of the steamer
PACIFIC,
In which were ingulfed, not friend or
relation
(For whose fate she perhaps might have
found consolation,
Or borne it, at least, with serene resignation),
But the choicest assortment of French
sleeves and collars
Ever. sent out from  Paris, worth  thousands of dollars,




Nothing  to  Wear.          53
And all as to style most recherche and
rare,
The want of which leaves her with
nothing to wear,
And renders her life so drear and dyspeptic
That she's quite a recluse, and almost a
sceptic,
For she touchingly says that this sort of
grief
Can not find in Religion the slightest
relief,
And Philosophy has not a maxim to
spare




54      Nothing  to  Wear.
For the victims of such overwhelming
despair.
But the saddest by far of all these sad
features
Is the cruelty practised upon the poor
creatures
By husbands and fathers, real Bluebeards
and Timons,
Who  resist the most touching appeals
made for diamonds
By their wives and their daughters, and
leave them for days
Unsupplied with new jewelry, fans, or
bouquets,




>\'I'
N_








Nothing  to  Wear.         57
Even laugh at their miseries whenever
they have a chance,
And deride their demands as useless extravagance;
One case of a bride was brought to my
view,
Too sad for belief, but alas!'twas too
true,
Whose husband refused, as savage as
Charon,
To permit her to take more than ten
trunks to Sharon.
The consequence was, that when she got
there,




58      Nothing to Wear.
At the end of three weeks she had
nothing to wear,
And when she proposed to finish the
season
At Newport, the monster refused out
and out,
For his infamous conduct alleging no
reason,.
Except that the waters were good for
his gout;
Such treatment as this was too shocking
of course,
And proceedings are now going on for
divorce.




Nothing to  Wear.          59
But why harrow the feelings by lifting
the curtain
From these scenes of woe. Enough, it
is certain,
Has here be.en disclosed to stir up the
pity
Of every benevolent heart in the city,
And spur up humanity into a canter
To rush and relieve these sad cases instanter.
Won't somebody, moved by this touching description,
Come forward to-morrow and head a subscription.




60       Nothing to Wear.
Won't some kind philanthropist, seeing
that aid is
So needed at once by these indigent
ladies,
Take charge of the matter? or won't
PETER COOPER
The corner-stone lay of some splendid
superStructure, like that which to-day links
his name
In the Union unending of honor and
fame;
And found a new charity just for the
care




Nothing  to  Wear.         6i
Of these unhappy women with nothing
to wear,
Which, in view of the cash which would
daily be claimed,
The Laying-out Hospital well might be
named?
Won't STEWART, or some of our drygoods importers,
Take a contract for clothing our wives
and our daughters?
Or, to furnish the cash to supply these
distresses,
And life's pathway strew with shawls,
collars. and dresses,




62      Nothing  to  Wear.
Ere the want of them makes it much
rougher and thornier,
Won't some one discover a new California.
Oh ladies, dear ladies, the next sunny
day
Please trundle your hoops just out of
Broadway,
From its whirl and its bustle, its fashion
and pride,
And the temples of Trade which tower
on each side,








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77 I'I                            //




Nothing to  Wear.          65
To the alleys and lanes, where Misfortune and Guilt
Their children have gathered, their city
have built;
Where  Hunger  and  Vice, like  twin
beasts of prey,
Have hunted their victims to gloom
and despair;
Raise the rich, dainty dress, and the fine
broidered skirt,
Pick your delicate way through the dampness and dirt,
Grope through the dark dens, climb
the rickety stair




66      Nothing to Wear.
To the garret, where wretches, the young
and the old,
Half-starved, and half-naked, lie crouched
from the cold.
See those skeleton limbs, those frost-bitten feet,
All bleeding and bruised by the stones
of the street;
Hear the sharp cry of childhood, the
deep groans that swell
From the poor dying creature who
writhes on the floor,
Heat the curses that sound like the
echoes of Hell,




Nothing to Wear.          67
As you sicken and shudder and fly
from the door;
Then home to your wardrobes, and say,
if you dareSpoiled children of Fashion-you've nothing to wear!
And oh, if perchance there should be a
sphere,
Where all is made right which so puzzles us here,
Where the glare, and the glitter, and
tinsel of Time




68      Nothing  to  Wear.
Fade and die in the light of that region
sublime,
Where the soul, disenchanted of flesh
and of sense,
Unscreened by its trappings, and shows,
and pretence,
Must be clothed for the life and the
service above,
With purity, truth, faith, meekness, and
love;
Oh, daughters of Earth! foolish virgins,
beware!
Lest in that upper realm you have nothing to wear!